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2Tas1ml485zDZKigwbteQtUSsyKmnvmd
|
9wqdte
|
{
"description": "asking my dad to get my stepmother to not yell at restaurant servers",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my Dad to get my stepmother to not yell at restaurant servers?
|
AITA for asking my Dad to get my stepmother to not yell at restaurant servers?
My stepmother is a loud woman. When she goes out to a restaurant, it is usually like an Applebees or Chilis kind of quality. At those places, she will loudly get the server's attention and ask for more of whatever she is out of.
We are going out Friday to celebrate a birthday and they were invited to come. It's a nice restaurant...probably the nicest in town. I asked my Dad for a way to have her not yell at servers.
They (Dad and Stepmom) got offended that they were going to embarrass us and decided not to go. AITA for asking her to be on better behavior?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 9,
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
a2zy04
|
{
"description": "feeling bad when a senior citizen cut the line",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling bad when a senior citizen cut the line?
|
Context: The grocery store I often visit was a bit short-handed and only had 3 cashiers for checking out. One of these three lanes is a dedicated lane for pwd&senior citizens. The other two are regular checkout lanes. (self checkout isn't a thing in my country). Now because of how short-handed the store was, the lines were quite long (maybe 4 people in the special line, 8+ in both the regular lanes).
Situation: When I was up next (in the regular line), a woman from the special lane, left her spot and demanded that she be next in our lane. (the special lane, though shorter, often takes a bit longer per person. Coupons, paying in coins, special discounts and promos, etc) She showed her senior card and the cashier, a bit scared, asked me if it was okay. I may have told her to"go ahead" but my god, I am ashamed to say that I was filled with hate and detested every inch of her.
Now, was I wrong to bear these feelings? I know I should respect my elders but I had felt she was being a bit inconsiderate. I let her go ahead of me because honestly, I dislike unnecessary confrontation.. especially since I could easily be the one in the wrong. She had bought standard groceries, and she didnt even seem to be in an urgent rush after getting her way (though this is my opinion) Am open to your thoughts. Thank you.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
BEj7X1mdZylEdjKu1f6YFwmakLecTWCJ
|
b6apoc
|
{
"description": "wanting to go out with friends when my bf and I are ment to hang out",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to go out with friends when my bf and I are ment to hang out?
|
On an alt account cause my boyfriend knows my current one
me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year now, I just turned 18 a few months ago and now I'm in college and want to go out drinking. I always invite him because I love him and always want him with me, but he doesnt like clubs or nights out so declines
When ever I say I want to go out theres always a reason why this upsets him. Eg, me and my bf always see each other during weekends. Due to distance we dont get weekdays together, so when my friends where going out on a Friday, I said I wanted to join them and he was invited as well. Of course he declined. when Friday came he said he didn't think it was fair I planned things over the time we are ment to see each other. We had a big fight about it and I apologised and said I wouldn't do it again.
Then a few weeks later my pal was performing at a small gig and I said I wanted to go see her. Again it was on the weekend. he told me that I was doing it again and it was really upsetting to him that i kept going out with friends and not spending time with him. I asked him why he couldn't come with and he said he had work the next morning, so couldn't. Once again there was a big fight and I ended up leaving before the end of the gig to go home alone.
Anyway fast forward to today, he was over cause hes on holiday and doesnt have work, but has to go home cause hes got stuff to do tomorrow at his house.
I have college tomorrow and it takes too long to get to my college from his house so we say goodbye and leave each other with plans for me to go to his tomorrow. All seems good.
My friends then ask me if I'm busy and if I want to come into town, and I told then sure since I have no other plans.
I tell my bf that I'm going just cause I like to keep him in the loop and he starts asking me why if I could afford to go out, didn't I want to come to his house instead? I didn't know what to say, I feel like shit again, but I dont know what I did wrong. Hes not talking to me now, has ignored all my messages and now I'm questioning everything.
Am I being the dick here?? I feel like I'm to blame but I also feel like hes being some what controlling?? There a few more things that bother me but word count
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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OTHER
|
{
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RIGHT
|
2fCqslWtpN5BHGgZLFWrJ4fNyZrWzFmM
|
9xem3p
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{
"description": "disagreeing with a colleague(who is also a poc)'s perspective here",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for disagreeing with a colleague(who is also a PoC)'s perspective here?
|
Last week, there was a discussion in my workplace over an exhibition we'd had.
To preface this, I'm white, just to clarify why I'm concerned about my potential assholery here. PoC is shorthand for person of colour.
Let me tell you about the exhibition first. First day of the exhibition, an artist from the group who didn't respond to any e-mails and didn't sign up for a space showed up and said they needed a space for a bar and a performance. The organizing team said no, and that the space and schedule was full. Me being outside the organizing team and just another participant, I only heard about it when I saw the team looking kinda done and upset backstage.
Shortly after the beginning of the exhibition, the artist and some friends of theirs showed up, protesting and sitting in front of the exhibition handing out flyers about how they had been excluded from the exhibition on the grounds of the organizing team's racism and oppression of women of colour. They also sold beer there, in the name of solidarity with their cause.
Now, this is where I was starting to feel irritated. I think the organizing team was acting in accordance with their schedule and while I think that they could have been a bit more lenient, I didn't think it was racist or misogynist of them to say that they had no more space for that installation/performance, especially since the space /was/ tight and that artist /had/ not responded to their reminders, which everyone else who was participating had done.
In the discussion we had about the exhibition, some people were adamant in saying that we needed to talk about racism. But I thought that while racism was important to address, calling this incident one that resulted from racist behaviour on the part of the organizing team would be to miss the point, which, to me, looked much like one artist appearing on the day of the opening, asking for the organizing team to change the setup and schedule for them, getting angry when rejected and trying to blame the organizers for the artist's own failure to show up earlier and their earlier lack of communication.
During the discussion I said that I thought that there had been an agreement in the group about the deadlines for entering the exhibition, and that I understand that someone would be angry about being rejected, but that I also thought that the issue here was cooperation and that I didn't find it fair how the artist whose performance had been refused had acted towards the organizers.
What do you think?
Am I the asshole for thinking this way?
|
HISTORICAL
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aqtxib
| null |
AITA Neighbour?
|
This is actually more of an "are we the asshole neighbours?".
We've got a neighbour who is constantly complaining to us in ways that infuriate me. I'm looking for some outside perspective on whether he's justified.
**To paint the picture:**
My GF and I moved into our new flat in August. It's an older building, and there are two flats on each floor. Ours is on the second floor, so we have a neighbour below us, one above us and one next to us. There technically is another one, but they are in a separate building, and cut off by an unusually thick wall, so they'll not be counting here.
When we moved in, we actually were very pleasantly surprised by just how little noise we could hear from the other flats. We have never heard a sound from below us, only occasionally from the flat above us (they sometimes have a dog over, and when he's running, you can hear his little tip-taps - not that this would bother us), and slightly more occasionally from the flat next to us.
The family living there has two kids, aged 8 and about 2, and when one of them is screaming, we obviously can here them.
Which is fine, kids sometimes scream, we get it.
**Now for the actual problem:**
My girlfriend has a severe obsessive compulsive disorder. It's not some kind of mild, "look what a cute quirk they have!" kind of OCD. This disorder literally dictates every tiny bit of her daily life - and since I'm living with her, it heavily affects my daily routines as well.
The main aspect of this that would be observable to outsiders is the way she showers, more specifically, the amount of time she needs to shower. When she gets home from work, she will shower anywhere between one and one and a half hours.
We are working on cutting this down. But therapy for an OCD as severe as hers, which she has had since she was in highschool, takes years or decades to get rid of, if ever.
"Just take a shorter shower!" is therefore not viable. I've seen her in situations where she was unable to take a shower, or unable to shower for as long as she needs to, and the fallout from that is catastrophic. The last time she had to be in her own flat without showering after working, she hab a complete breakdown, was held at the psych ward, and we ultimately decided to move in together, as going back in her flat was not an option for her OCD.
You probably have guessed what the main issue with our neighbours is. They like to complain about noise.
At least I though so.
The first time they complained was on a Sunday at around 11pm. Which was fine, it was late, so we apologised. Luckily, my GF's shower was almost finished.
A couple of weeks later, same thing happened. Except it was barely 7pm.
Then, two weeks ago, our doorbell starts ringing at half past 6am on a Saturday. We are obviously still fast asleep, so we don't react. Two minutes later, the doorbell rings again, this time for nearly twenty seconds. We ignore it and try to continue sleeping. But again, and again, the doorbell rings. I decide something important must be up, so I open the door.
It's the neighbour, asking me whether the shoes on his doormat are ours. Yes, they are! I don't know how they got there; my only explanation is that the cleaning staff moved the shoes for some reason and forgot where to put them back.
I tell him, yes they are ours, obviously we didn't put them there ourselves, we'll get them later, we are still sleeping. Why is this so important.
He seems fine with that, goes back inside, my sleep is ruined.
Cut to this morning. I've got an exam at 8:30, my commute to campus is one hour, I need one hour to get ready in the morning, and I add another half hour buffer in case my train is late.
So I took a shower at 6 am. (Note: my showers don't take long at all, 10-15min tops).
At 6:05, our doorbell starts ringing. And ringing. And ringing. Finally I slam the water shut and shout at them: "I'm under the shower, I'm not coming to the door right now - what is it you want?". Definitely loud enough for them to hear. No answer. I shout again. No answer.
This entire thing obviously woke my girlfriend, who could have slept another hour.
By now, I'm almost certain their behaviour has cost more lost sleep than ours.
And the cherry on the cake, at least for me? The way our flat is built, it is literally impossible that his bedroom is adjacent to our bathroom. There's just no way.
I'm really starting to lose my temper here, and I'm not sure I'll be able to be friendly the next time this happens.
On one hand I get that long showers at late or very early hours could be annoying.
On the other hand, I fail to understand how they could hear that shower loud enough to be woken by it. I also know there's no way in hell we can cut back on showers.
Are we the assholes here?
**tl;dr:** neighbour presumably gets woken by / is kept awake by hour shower. Jumps on every opportunity to ring us awake in turn.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
hqewDuC2un87b1SxJHT6qb3R0HtNzROZ
|
ayvqhl
|
{
"description": "liking a musician who is a terrible person",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for liking a musician who is a terrible person??
|
ok, i’ll keep it simple: my girlfriend and i got in a big fight because i like xxxtentacion’s music and that he was a terrible person. i told her that i enjoy his music, not the type of person that he was while he was alive. she told me that i am an asshole for listening music that a “woman beater” made. i just like his music, and he doesn’t brag about hitting women or anything in it. aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
q3xJTvJyOo5JDWiB5sFYSGNjNcjpLESE
|
aad28x
|
{
"description": "not supporting my aging dad",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not supporting my aging Dad?
|
My dad has not been a pretty toxic influence for most of my life. He was emotionally abusive and manipulative with my sister, my mom, and I, and has had problems with addiction for his whole life. As a result, my mom kicked him out of the house about 10 years ago when I was 14 and my sister 15. My mom is the sole bread-winner for the family so the house and basically everything in it was purchased by her.
​
When she first threatened to kick him out, his counter threat was that he would never come to visit my sister or I, and when he was kicked out he stayed true to his word and didn't speak to us for 4 years. He came to my sister's high school graduation, and since then we've only spoken on holidays, and only seen him at graduations. He's currently sober and has been for the past 9 years, and he's the manager of a sober-living house where he gets compensated with a room & food, but as he's getting older that situation is going to expire soon.
​
Now in all of this time, my grandma (my dad's mom) has been declining in health and myself, my mom, and my sister have been the ones taking care of her. She's 90 now, and my dad is 70 and his eyesight is fading (he's diabetic and isn't really taking care of himself). My grandma has invited my dad to come stay with her so that they can sort of take care of each other.
​
That presents one major complication, though, because my grandma has a reverse mortgage on her home, and when she dies the bank will take her house. That will leave my dad without a place to live, in his 70s, with poor or no eyesight. Here's where I'm conflicted, he's been abusive and manipulative to our whole family since I've been born, I don't know if I could bring myself to help him. I don't think he would do the same if the roles were reversed.
​
I'm a compassionate person and the idea of leaving him to fend for himself in his state makes me queasy, but I also don't know if I could help him. I work in theatre and don't have a lot of disposable income, but even if I had the means to help, I'm not sure I would.
​
So, AITA for not wanting to help my dad?
​
TLDR; Dad has been an asshole, now he needs help and I don't want to bear the responsibility.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
7eGUpNqvpmbOJaaHcjKOhwuozofIpkWz
|
a7ul37
|
{
"description": "telling my ex-gf I saved her life but in fact I didnt",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my ex-gf i saved her life but in fact i didnt
|
Ok, it's a long story but I'll try and keep it short.
At the start of our relationship we were out on a date when it started raining and the roads were flooded. The traffic was jammed and she wanted to make it to her hostel before 7pm. So we started walking on the pedestrian path with ankle deep water. I was walking behind her when she suddenly slipped into an open manhole which she obviously couldn't see because of the water. I was 2 steps behind but I panicked. I froze almost. Then, I saw that someone had grabbed her hand and he/she/it handed it to me. I couldn't see the person. I pulled her up and she hugged me out of trauma. Then I took her home where she had a long shower and immediately I dropped her home. All of this happened within half hour so we couldn't talk Bout it. The next day, when we talked, she thanked me for saving her life saying she would have definitely drowned in the sewer had I not grabbed her hand. I, not being able to dissect the situation, said 'youre welcome'. We started dating after that.
TL;DR my ex thinks I saved her life when in fact it was someone else
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
DIXvUeDwQdXB0LvOkjWjRDWnS1wYeMs7
|
a213vj
|
{
"description": "not talking to a lady",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not talking to a lady
|
So I'm walking home right now from a bar that's right around the corner. There was a lady at the bar who introduced herself to me. She said that she had had a few drinks and was "feeling bold", so I'm guessing she thought I was handsome.
But she was in her 50s, and I'm 31.
And she was in a wheelchair.
The second she said that she was feeling bold, I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say "no thanks" because even that seemed cold-hearted, so I just stayed quiet and finished my beer. I felt uncomfortable, so I said goodnight to her and left. She didn't say anything to me.
AITA? Could I have handled the situation a better way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
yiOYXjr6Connj5EjN5rE0C8ocNFS1QJS
|
apttjq
|
{
"description": "being annoyed when my BF never does the things he wants to do for me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being annoyed when my BF never does the things he wants to do for me?
|
So, this might make me seem like a spoiled brat, but PLEASE hear me out.
So, sometimes on our relationship, I would see him work extra hard or is tired, so I would go the extra mile to make him food and send it to work etc. Mind you, I’m happy to do this, and I don’t request anything in return, because I enjoy making it for him. But the thing is, these “extra mile” things take effort, things like going out of my way after work to buy ingredients, waking up an hour or two earlier to start cooking etc, which I’m willing to do.
The thing that annoys me now, is that my boyfriend would keep promising to do these things as well, but have no clue or idea about how much effort and sacrifice it takes to make it happen. He will say “I will make you this, or that” knowing we won’t have the ingredients nor will have time to buy them.
It all came to a head today, when I’m getting ready to leave and go to work, when he makes a comment saying “oh don’t forget the tuna salad, I’ll make you a sandwich” knowing that he has no bread to make it, and I’m literally two minutes from leaving. I literally asked him to buy it yesterday if he was serious, but he insisted he would buy it “tomorrow” at 8 am (I have to leave at 8:30 am for work). I snapped and said if he doesn’t want to put in effort for me, stop giving me false hope.
I’m seriously annoyed because I don’t ask for him to make me food or do something nice, but STOP creating ideas when you don’t go through with them. But now I’m thinking if my reaction is legitimate or not.
Any thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
aqd7rr
|
{
"description": "telling my close friend that I'm disappointed in her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling my close friend that I’m disappointed in her?
|
I befriended this girl we’ll call “Em” in the freshman year of high school. She has a rough family life with her single mom and a brother who committed an extremely serious crime. we’re close friends but the situation started about a month ago, when she tells me she can’t go on a trip that she said she would go to. I thought it was understandable, $120 is kinda pricy for universal studios. I suggested she could cut down on the weed to save up, but she says she hasn’t smoked in a month and that not every parent hands their child money like my parents (which isn’t true).
Then I asked her if she’s going to join the tennis team, something she’s talked about for months. She previously told me she really wants to get back into the sport and that she had a crush on the coach (who’s in his mid 50s). But then she denies ever saying that, which frustrated me cause that whole “i have a crush on ur coach” part wasn’t easy to forget.
This isn’t the first time she said she’d do something, but leave me hanging. Like homecoming, she said she would go but denied saying it right after i told her i bought my tickets. I nearly spent the night feeling alone and embarrassed. And it’s also not the first time she’s said anything strange. she’s also told me jokes about her mom threatening to kick her out of the house.
So I called her out on this pattern of behavior but she said I just couldn’t take “no” for an answer. I told her I’m more comfortable with her saying “no” the first time than saying “no” later. All of her responses were not serious, it was just “lol” and “why do you care” while I was going off on a serious tangent. I’ve actually never been “the mom friend” to her, this is probably the first time I’ve confronted her on anything.
Besides the stuff above, she’s also attempted to lose her virginity to an 18 yr old when she was 15, called me gay for sitting next to her, dropped 2 classes and dropped other close friends (one of them only asked where her hickey came from. It was nothing major, imo). I told her this pattern of behavior is worrying me and disappointing. To this she responds “just don’t talk to me if I’m disappointing”. I finally said “(Em), shutting people out of your life won’t improve it. It’s time to take things seriously cause this really isn’t funny anymore”
I didn’t talk to her except for a “happy birthday” a week later and she texts me a few days after that saying “oof, so are we talking or what?” I forgot to respond to it and 2 weeks later, she blocks me on literally every social media.
Yes, there are things that has made her life shittier than the average teenager’s. But sometimes she lives under the false impression that my life is great, so I don’t feel a lot of support from her when something happens to me. I support her in the long run, but I do believe there’s a limit to what we support.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
aKsemRP2GbNrvUShkEobftsD6DNe7oVD
|
a4jaej
|
{
"description": "leading guys on at work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for leading guys on at work?
|
So I work at a large company headquarters, about 500 employees in the building. It's a really friendly environment and there's a lot of opportunities for interaction throughout the day. Not surprisingly, I get hit on a fair amount at work. Nothing overtly sexual, but everywhere I go, guys just start talking to me. They're really helpful, I get taken out for lunch on a regular basis, they joke around, they humblebrag, etc. Of course, only the guys are like this. They almost never ask if I have a boyfriend because that would be too obvious, but I also never deliberately talk about my boyfriend even though we've been together close to a year. I don't like mixing work with personal life but, to be honest, I love the attention and I know I won't get nearly as much of it if I start publicizing my relationship status. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
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|
9w84v9
|
{
"description": "not tipping my pizza deliverer for delivering early",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not tipping my pizza deliverer for delivering early
|
(This is in the UK where tipping isn't an expected ot mandatory thing, but I like to anyway as someone who used to work in hospitatility and knows how nice an extra fiver can make you feel)
Partner and I were sat in a pub less than 10 mins from home watching the rugby last night. A few drinks in and knowing we're gunna be heading home and hungry soon I order pizza for delivery at 9:15pm.
We leave the pub at 9pm and precisely 6 minutes into the walk home (I checked) and about a minute away from the house we get a call from my partners disabled mum asking us if we'd ordered pizza because the driver was at the door. She had been in bed due to having had a bad health week and was then quite irritated with us for the inconvenience.
Now I'm normally happy as larry if my food arrives at an earlier time than anticipated but this specifically bugged me, mainly because we'd ordered the food intentionally for this time instead of the general ASAP. As we walked up the path to my partners house the delivery lad was walking down and made a joke about how we should wait till we get home to order pizza.
AITA for a) not tipping him, and b) getting annoyed at the comment he made?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b65pb7
|
{
"description": "hugging my cat eventhough he hates it",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for hugging my cat eventhough he hates it.
|
I have a 19yo cat that I have had since he was a kitten, and I love to death. He doesn't like being hugged, touched, or kissed particularly by me. Sometimes he goes out of his way to find me and gives me a nibble. About once a day I will sneak up on him and give me a small hug because he's adorable, and as a consequence he usually bites my arm. I mean who doesn't want to hug or give scratches to their beloved pet?
Am I being an asshole cat owner?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
az5404
|
{
"description": "letting my special needs sister point at a little person in public",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for letting my special needs sister point at a little person in public?
|
I’m on mobile so bare with me. This is only my second post on Reddit.
This happened when I was younger. I was probably about 12 years old. My sister being about 7 years old and has special needs. You can physically tell she has special needs. It takes her a while to learn things therefore at the time she didn’t know much for manners.
My mom took my sister, my friend and I to the mall one day. We were in the food court enjoying lunch. We overheard the people beside us talking about a little person that was directly behind me. My sister never seen a little person before and because she was curious she pointed at him and said “mom, what’s that?”
My mom told her to never mind and just eat. I then looked back to see what she was pointing at. My friend says “(my name) don’t look!” I turned my head back and continued to mind our own business.
Not even 5 minutes later, this girl (probably a bit older than my friend and I) and her mom came up to us and said loudly “You are the rudest people we’ve ever met! Staring and pointing at that person was so rude!”
The mom goes over to my mom and says loudly “Teach your retarded kids some f*cking manners!” And they walk away. My mom was offended by the r-word and sternly calls for the girl and her mom to come back but they ignore her and keep walking. It was embarrassing! Everyone was staring at us. The cleaning lady came over and asked us what happened and if we are okay. She asked us if we wanted to file a report or something (I was too young to really understand what she said so I don’t really remember exactly). We just said no and moved on with our day.
I still think about it to this day and I still wonder if we are the assholes or are the girl and her mother the assholes?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aqy6xf
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{
"description": "asking my friend what she wants for her birthday then getting frustrated when she shoots down my ideas and shuts down the conversation when I tell her how I feel",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my friend what she wants for her birthday then getting frustrated when she shoots down my ideas and shuts down the conversation when I tell her how I feel?
|
So this happened recently and I’ve been feeling like total shit because of it. I’m stationed somewhere in the Midwest, about one thousand miles plus away from my home. My friend, lets call her Friend is having her twenty first birthday and I wanted to get her something special for her. I was browsing around Redbubble and Hot Topic, as those are places she likes to shop at and I send her pictures of the things that might interest her. She shoots them down without missing a beat - politely yes, but it’s still a little disheartening. She tells me that presents should be surprises - that isn’t like her at all though. She hates surprises and will beg constantly for hints or clues until I give in completely and tell her her gift.
She hasn’t told me anything that she likes recently, so I’m flying by the seat of my pants and drilling into my brain to think of ideas that she likes. She’s good at art and spiral notebooks are in season, let’s try that. After talking to her some more and showing her some spiral notebook ideas that I thought were gorgeous and right up her alley (I thought at least) she doesn’t like them either. Okay, no problem. She’s entitled to her own opinions and what she wants, I’ll go and find something else. I find some graphic tees and send her pictures of them. Once again, she doesn’t like them. Okay, she’s being a little picky here, that’s fine, like I said, she’s entitled to her opinions and what she likes, I’ll find something else. By the third time I’m feeling a little frustrated because the inner perfectionist inside of me keeps telling me that it has to be a good gift for her. I ask her what she likes, because obliviously I’m messing something up or not understanding what she really likes and she replies with a few ideas along with a “I thought you knew what I liked.”
Okay. Pause. That not only hurt, but pissed me off a little. I was trying my hardest to find her a gift that she likes and she responds with that?
I didn’t respond for a bit, and instead I found more stuff to show her. After a while we begin to talk again and she tells me, “My style has changed. And it’s not your fault for not knowing.”
I’m confused and a little hurt at this point, and I tell her how I feel and how I felt like garbage because I wasn’t able to come down to see and her and I was just trying to find her a nice gift. After I tell her my feelings she replies with a
“Nvm.” and nothing else, essentially shutting down the conversation and shutting my emotional state down. I felt like she didn’t want to hear about my opinions and feelings when I was trying so hard in order to find out hers. I haven’t responded, and I don’t think I should because I’m already upset at her. Do I have a right to be upset here? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
afdnya
|
{
"description": "calling my friend a lazy btch after she refused to wash the dishes",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling my friend a lazy btch after she refused to wash the dishes?
|
Context. This happened about 3 years ago, ive never figured out if i was right for being so pissed off or if i was totally out of line. The two other people who witnessed the argument refuse to have any input (which is fair enough really)
What happened, we were there for her birthday. It was about 3 days after, we'd celebrated the day before. I was there with my then bf and his sister we were all mutual friends. So the sister (M) had a migraine so was lying prone on the couch, couldnt move. And the bf (L) had already helped out a ton, so i offered to cook dinner. We went out, bought all the ingredients (i paid for everything) and when we got back i asked my friend (B) to wash the dishes because i needed the bench room. These were dishes that had probably been sitting for a week at least, her housemate doesnt wash them because she has 3 jobs and teaches so shes still working even whe she comes home, not to mention her uni course. While B had one class a week and did nothing else.
B said she would do the dishes after dinner. I told her i needed the bench room now, can you do them now please. She kept refusing.
I got a little upset a little quicker than i probably needed to but cleanliness has always been a problem with B, she wasnt even showering until i started badgering about how much she stank when she didnt for a week. She kept saying not all the dishes were hers, i reminded her her housemate has 50 other things to do while B doesnt.
In the end we got to yelling, and after years of trying to help this girl and getting nothing in return (not even a thankyou. Im the one who paid her rent every couple months when she didnt budget properly) i called her a lazy bitch and called her out on a few of the things ive done for her, like clean her apartment for inspection day and empty her cats litter etc
She went to her room and stayed there until dinner was ready. L ended up washing the dishes for me. And i ended up yelling at B further that if she was going to eat what id made she was going to do it out in the lounge with the rest of us and not in her room (she did but made sure to act as scorned as possible).
And no, there are no chores that B does. The floor doesnt get vaccumed, clothes dont get washed, or hung, or folded. Dishes stay on the bench for up to a month at a time, pins get left on the floor despite knowing the cats will pick them up etc etc
Yes her housemate could do more, but as i said she works 3 jobs and goes to uni, and teaches. She has enough on her plate to have an excuse, my friend had one class a week, and thinks shes writing a book... there are enough hours in the day to vaccum between chapters (or god forbid shower).
...........
TLDR asked friend to wash the dishes so i could cook dinner for everyone, she refused, saying she would do them after dinner despite me needing the bench space now, and the argument ended in me calling her a lazy bitch and her storming off to her room.
Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b2shsj
|
{
"description": "not liking when my boyfriend gets high with me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for not liking when my boyfriend gets high with me?
|
I'm a hardcore stoner. Like I smoke >1/8th a day every day and have for years. It's more likely that I'm high than not so im pretty high functioning. My boyfriend started smoking early in our relationship and he was the typical lightweight new smoker. It was fine when it was only a few times a week but now he's smoking everyday too. Everytime I smoke he wants to share with me, which I wouldn't mind except for when he's high he either is very physically rough (playful but he's stronger than me so I regularly get hurt) or he acts incapable of doing anything and makes me do everything. He often pays for the weed for both of us so it's not about the money but about how we interact when he's high. He's just having a good time but I get sick of the roughhousing and laziness.
I still plan on letting him smoke whenever he wants but AITA not wanting him to smoke with me anymore? Even if I smoke 5-8 times a day?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 5,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Wl99XIs6to8XBNLwZUieYQKpZDzBDt75
|
asxiwb
|
{
"description": "cancelling a truck trade deal after making myself seem interested",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for cancelling a truck trade deal after making myself seem interested?
|
So basically I have an old truck I have been wanting to sell for a while because it’s diesel and I can’t deal with all the problems as a teenager right now. My parents told me they would be fine with me selling it and buying a new truck as long as I understand they still own it. So I put it up for sale and a guy wants to trade me this really nice truck in great condition because he wants a diesel, and our appraisals are almost the same and I love the look of his truck and it’s gas and I’m very good condition.
We chatted for a while and I sent him all the stuff about my truck and he sent me all his stuff and we agreed on trading this weekend. I told my parents about it and my dad keeps blowing it off and saying he is having second thoughts and wants to research some stuff before selling the truck.
Now, this is what my dad ALWAYS does when he’s not interested in me doing something. He just keeps trying to blow it off until hopefully I forget about it. So now I am set up to trade trucks with this guy and he is keeping it from other sales for me and my dad is telling me no now after he clearly told me yes earlier.
So this is my question: am I an asshole if I cancel this deal after I told the guy I would this weekend and he cancelled other offers with people? Or is my dad being the asshole for not letting me sell it after saying I could at any time?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
au1ryh
|
{
"description": "tipping off night patrol about my former roommates",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for tipping off night patrol about my former roommates? (FOLLOW UP TO LAST POST)
|
Originally I thought it was over with the original post, so I never thought much of it.
That couldn't have been further from the truth as I now realize that having my "best friends" as roommates is far superior than not rooming with them anymore.
Original post found here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ai39dr/aita_for_wanting_to_abondon_my_roommates/?utm_source=reddit-android
Basically, after I moved out, I did my best to convey to these girls that they were still my best friends, and that we shouldn't go our separate ways over my decision to move out. I thought all was well, and that we'd be capable of remaining close, but about a week later things started to go downhill.
I hear from some of my other friends from the basketball team that there's several rumors going around about me. Including things like I'm a messy little slob, I’m incredibly fake and hate most of the students at the school, and worst kd all, the reason I don't take boys up into my room is because I've carried an STD since middle school. All of these things are grossly false, except for the fact that I’m messy (though the stories attached to the rumors are greatly exaggerated), and I'm livid. As much as I hated to believe it, Louisa and Victoria seemed like the most likely origin of the rumors.
I stormed into their room after school and asked if they knew anything about the recent rumors about me, knowing fully well that they did. Louisa was pretty dodgy about it at first, but I basically got an admission of guilt from Victoria when she started heavily damage controlling the situation, and eventually Louisa told me when she realized I was 99% sure they were behind them.
Now, as mad as I was. I didn't make the decision that I probably should've made, which was flooring them right then and there, and instead decided to let bygones be bygones. Though I was annoyed, believe me, I was very annoyed. Until, a week later, when not only had the original rumors gained a ton of traction, but even more were surfacing. I've been greatly affected by everything, I'm treated much differently in the eyes of a chunk of my peers because they bought into rumors that have done nothing but vilify me. At this point I'm beyond infuriated, and too irrationally pissed to simply take it to administration to take care of. They'd made me miserable when I was rooming with them, and I was just as miserable now.
Fun fact: ever since my departure, both girls have gotten infinitely more obsessed with boys. I’ve seen on multiple occasions two boys making their way to and from their rooms on trips to the communal bathrooms. So, what did I do to get back at them? Well, leave an anonymous tip to the night patrol that something might be going on in that room of course.
Long story short, the next night both girls were caught being spitroasted, and are now facing expulsion from the school for breaking the boarding policy, which is a critical offense. AITA for tipping off the night guards?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a2qsp5
|
{
"description": "spraying Deodorizer in my Co-worker's office",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA For Spraying Deodorizer in my Co-worker's Office?
|
Hi folks, LTL/FTP, finally had an intriguing but not depressing AITA moment come up. I know how I feel, but I'm curious if posting this will vindicate me and get this off my conscience. Or you're all going to verify. So this should be fun!
Background: Work-wise, our office is fairly small. There is one hallway between six offices, and it's impossible not to pass pretty much all of them to get from the break room to the front/reception. Co-worker, we'll call her L, has eleven dogs. That is not a typo. I don't think she's a dog hoarder in the negative sense, so I mean i'm not going to scurry to the ASPCA or anything. I think circumstance and dying family members dropped pairs of pups on her at a time. But lordy, the smell on her clothes just permeates everything when she's in a space for a while.
So, on to the incident. I won't bore you with the details but, I didn't sleep but 2 hours last night and then had a godawful morning. I'm walking by her office and I get hit in the face with this wall of dog stink, like that smell you get right after you washed them and they're still drying, but you didn't use enough shampoo to leave the shampoo smell and instead you get vaguely clean-ish wet dog.
I'm thinking, no baby Jesus, this is not happening today. Now, L hates perfume smells, and I don't really blame her. I'll get stuffy when someone lights one of those candles or whatever, too. But here I am thinking, "L isn't here yet, so i'm going to febreeze her office. The perfume will dissipate before she gets here and everyone wins."
I grab the febreeze can from the bathroom and walk in like a firefighter with an extinguisher, just going ham on her carpet. A bathroom bomb gets two sprays of the can? I think I was up to about eight before I headed out of her office and put the deodorizer back in the bathroom.
Well, folks, here's the problem. L WAS HERE. She was just in the back office and hadn't settled in yet. I can see hers from mine. (There's a corner in that aforementioned hallway, and ours are facing each other's.) A couple of minutes later, she gets back to her office, stands outside of it frowning for a moment, then walks up to the reception area instead of going in.
Ya'll, AITA? I mean, i'm kinda mortified either way, but... curious of your verdict. Thanks!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
XCV8GhAq10A5xuUJdHxmR9wS0fLLcI2r
|
ashki5
|
{
"description": "wanting to cut my father out of my life after I brought him back in",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to cut my father out of my life after I brought him back in?
|
My mother left my father when I was young then settled in America. I myself have moved to America with my sister two years later. My father stayed. I have lived in American to this day (13 yrs later).
​
She left him because he beat her badly. He cracked her skull. Her medical records from this is what allowed her asylum in America.
​
Fast forward to two years ago, we managed to work overs lots of things in 10 yrs. We talked on how much dad has changed. So when mother needed a helping hand in her work, we decided to bring him to America.
​
Things went really well first. My sister and I even agreed not to mention his past. We agreed that he’s probably dying with remorse. Two months later, we found out that he makes himself the victim for everything by distorting what has happened in his favor and firmly believing that is how it happened.
​
When asked about the attack, my dad replied, “Oh yeah, I hit her once.” He remembered the actual attack VERY differently from what actually happened. He thought she took one blow to her head and got up right away, when in reality he mounted her, beat her head senseless til she was unconscious and carried to the hospital
​
In addition, he believes that he was provoked into beating my mom. Apparently, she learned on how to get asylum through spousal abuse, and somehow manipulated my dad in beating her. Therefore, to him, my mom planned this to happen.
​
My mom almost died from that attack, how do you plan an immigration by getting beaten to death?
​
We found out about this very recently, that this is how he remembers it. He also told us that he cannot live and be treated like he’s the bad person and that he should be ‘forgiven’ and treated without bias on all footings because he regrets what happened.
​
Because of what he said, I cannot treat him like nothing has happened and will always be biased against him. Its not what he did (I worked hard to get over that) but how he thinks about what he did that completely disgusts me.
​
Now talks of him leaving us is on the table. I do feel terrible about wasting his time and uprooting him from his life. He has nothing to go back to. To make things worse, I have told him before coming here, that even if my mom changes his mind and decides that she cannot stand him, I would sponsor his immigration process and live with him as ‘insurance’. It turns out, its me who can’t stand him.
​
But how the hell was I supposed to know this is how he remembers it? Should I have somehow expect him to be like this? Should we have never have brought him here if we cannot forgive him unconditionally? I really believe that I forgave him for everything I knew before him coming here. But I just cannot forgive him for thinking himself as the victim.
​
AITA for wanting to cut my father out of my life after I brought him back in?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
5YtctrsGgRt57wUDE9x8JkEmxit4wU1A
|
aucttd
|
{
"description": "saying something racist to a racist kid",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for saying something racist to a racist kid
|
This was a long time ago but I wanted to share because I'm not sure if I went over the line or not
I was on a train in Europe and I was just minding my own business searching restaurants. A kid walks up to me and makes the slited eye gesture and says a stuff like 'We used to own your kind' and 'How did you manage to pay for the ticket'. Mom doesn't do anything and no one steps up.
I say 'Oh, look at little Hitler Junior' and the mom suddenly gets offended at me and gets off at the next station.
I mean, I know I shouldn't mention nazis and Hitler since it's a very sensitive topic. But the kid started it first...not sure if I stepped over the line or if I did an understandable thing.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
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}
|
WRONG
|
MwedtaJ9TzOqsETRTXd6gYrOoVGjHHYg
|
b1kcfp
|
{
"description": "refusing to change our class schedule because I simply don't want to, even though my whole group pressures me to do it",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I refuse to change our class schedule because I simply don't want to, even though my whole group pressures me to do it?
|
Ok, so I'm currently attending my last year of uni. We've got our schedule, I don't have problems with it. We have 4-hours lecture scheduled on Monday, 12 pm - 4 pm. I don't mind it, in fact, I'm pleased with lectures starting at 12 since I'm terrible at getting up early. However, my group is strongly against it, since they believe it would be better for us to move this lecture to Wednesday, and by doing so have 3-day weekend. I do see the reasoning behind this, but it simply doesn't work for me. I'd rather have classes from Monday to Friday, rather than moving this long lecture to Wednesday, when we already have another 4 hours lecture. By doing so we would have free Monday, but would be forced to stay 8 hours on Wednesday, from 8 am to 4 pm.
I didn't like the idea, but I was the only one opposing this solution, so beside voicing my concerns I didn't do anything about this and let my classmates go to dean's office and change our schedule.
And here it starts to get messy. Dean's office informed my classmates they need signature of EVERY person in our group to change the schedule. And the only person that didn't sign the petition was me. So now I have 20+ people pressuring me to sign it. And my only argument is "I'd rather have classes on Monday". However, their only argument is "we'd rather have longer classes on Wednesday". So, would I be the asshole if I refuse them and "make" them come to the classes on Monday, even though I'm the only person satisfied with this solution?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
v1oTdf8LuDEVv2z7YRH4COVjAdo0z32L
|
ag638u
|
{
"description": "muting my Wattpad friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for muting my Wattpad friend?
|
OK, so, some context.
I once befriended some guy on Wattpad, who will currently remain anonymous. We spoke a lot, read each other's books, and liked them, and I was really happy to have someone who acknowledged my writing.
Recently, he asked me to go talk to some other writer, who will also stay unnamed. He explained that he and that writer were talking until the other guy muted him, and he wanted me to go and find out why.
I spoke to this writer, and here's what he said, quoting him directly:
" If you're wondering why I muted them. Look... If you wanna advertise a book, fine. But don't go claiming you love my book if you've never read it and just randomly vote on some chapters to create the illusion that you do. If they wanna know why I blocked them, that's the reason. "
I questioned my friend about it, and he denied it at first, but after further pressing, he admitted it. I didn't particularly care that he never read my book, I was just upset that he lied about it, *and* had done the same thing to others, too. After all, our friendship was built on the idea that we both enjoyed one another's books.
After talking to him and telling him that he shouldn't do that to people, I muted him. Was muting him the right thing to do? Should I give him another chance? What do you guys think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
hkc34AtpsUklNjaQymXcwNesHFBrgENw
|
a4gygb
|
{
"description": "wanting my brother to do the dishes",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting my brother to do the dishes?
|
It's the weekend and I just woke up to my mom loudly complaining to my dad beside my bedroom door that I haven't done the dishes. I slept in and wasn't aware of them piling up. This upsets me because she could have just asked my brother to do them instead of getting mad at someone who was still asleep.
Yesterday morning she asked me to do the dishes in her stead since she had developed hives on her hands. I said of course, I would be glad to do so. If, my 13y brother would contribute in the workload as well. It's an understatement to say she was upset about it. She called me selfish for wanting us to get equal treatment when I was so much older. that I should share my room with him and etc.
Honestly, speaking my brother(13m) and I(18f) are very incompetent. We rarely do any housechores. After finishing my sats I might move out of the state for university for next year and I'm terrified because I have zero life skills, but I am determined to learn them. My brother is going to junior high next year and he doesn't know how to clean dishes.
Isn't that weird ? Am I really that self-centered and lazy for suggesting we help out together?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
3cv1RreUV6SuG1fsoPRGtjBg7vlk9Iup
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ahq5zu
|
{
"description": "being grumpy about crying babies interrupting date night dinner",
"pronormative_score": 60,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being grumpy about crying babies interrupting date night dinner?
|
My SO and I went to dinner last night (Friday night) to a nicer establishment that doesn't close until midnight. We were sat after 9pm by 3 other tables that were empty at the time. Within 15 minutes two of the tables were sat and both had children less than a year old with them. Neither table were couples out for a nice evening together, they were both mom's with friends. Who were all very loud in conversation I should mention.
Before we could get our main course both babies were crying and fussing very loud, and the mother's were both very inattentive.
We get our food, order another glass of wine, and we finish quickly because we were both uncomfortable with the ear piercing screams surrounding us.
I do not have children, so I understand how I can sound insensitive. Are Friday late night dinners no longer sacred? Is it socially acceptable to take your children into the cold of the night so you can blabber with your friends and ignore their cries publicly???
TLDR; Went to a later dinner and screaming babies ruined date night dinner. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
vJ6f8ODyDcKzJODGpBRxTR6U4BYaNSxB
|
avl455
|
{
"description": "freaking out in a store parking lot",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for freaking out in a store parking lot
|
This just happened. So I'm in a questionable part of town at night and just bought a few things from the store. I go to my car and see someone jogging towards me. I get into my car and the person grabs my door and swings it open. I freak out and scream close my door. It turns out it was an African American woman. She starts crying and says, "I'm not going to hurt you, stay calm, why do you think I'm going to hurt you?"...etc. I roll down my window and keep repeating to her to close my door. After she closes it, I give her directions to where she wants to go and we leave from there. She is still visibly upset that I thought she was a threat to me. Am I the asshole / racist or was it completely inappropriate to open my passenger car door? What would have been a more appropriate response that isn't "racist"?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
WqXDfuWce8Qxxos5TrDqPb9Vjg2ETKQP
|
ba2h9v
|
{
"description": "thinking my girlfriend is overreacting",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For thinking my girlfriend is overreacting?
|
A bit of a long story
I made friends with a group of a few girls and guys four years ago and hung out with them ever since, at least once a week since. After a year I met my girlfriend and we have been together for 2 years.
My girlfriend and two of the girls in the friend group do not get along by any means. They met before we started dating and seemed ok. However after we began dating the whole dynamic changed and they seemed to exclude my girlfriend from any conversation (just the two girls). My girlfriend has confronted them a few times to specifically ask why they don’t like her and they seem to shrug her off. I agree that this is wrong of them and for this reason and because I love my girlfriend very much I have not hung out with the girls of the group for at least a year and have repeatedly ignored invite after invite to hang out with them.
However the guys from the group are still very much my best friends and I hang out with the rest of the girls in the group when I hang out with my guy friends because naturally they sometimes (rarely) invite the girls who my girlfriend struggles with. At most I see the girls of the group 3 times a year compared to the once a week I used to see them.
I have never confronted the friend group about this but I feel there’s nothing I can do to change how they feel about my girlfriend.
My girlfriend assumes that it’s because one of the girls from the group would rather have me to themselves and is super jealous. There was some very very mild flirting with the same girl that struggles to get along with my girlfriend but that was before me and my girlfriend started dating. But all of the flirting stopped as soon as I started dating my girlfriend. And since then the girl has found and moved in with her own boyfriend.
Since then I have had zero contact with the girls except for as I mentioned before at most 3 events of the year (mostly birthdays/holidays). And when these events occur my girlfriend gets furious with me for going to the events with the girls present even though my guy friends are my main reason for attending.
She explained to me that she wants me to confront the two girls in the group and ask why they don’t like her and why they don’t give her a chance. I refused because it seems to me that she is over reacting because I already avoid these girls for most of the year except for events where my best guy friends really want me to attend. There is no changing how these girls feel towards my girlfriend. I can’t make them like her and I already chose my girlfriend over them. There is no way in hell I would ever cheat on my girlfriend with these girls but my gf seems to think otherwise.
Am I the asshole for hanging out with this group of friends against my girlfriends wishes?
Thanks for any responses and I’m sorry for my horrible grammar and I welcome any questions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b65kl1
|
{
"description": "telling what might have been a racist joke",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling what might have been a racist joke?
|
This happened a while ago, but I still think about it a little bit.
I’m working backstage of an event, and there’s a lot to do before the event and after the event, but during the event, the staff have downtime to eat and shoot the shit. We’re talking and one of the girls says something in the vein of:
“Well, we’re going to need a lot of riggers out there.”
Now me, just off the top of my head blurted out: “Hey, you can’t say that word.” [because, you know, riggers sounds like...]
There’s a bit of laughter (it’s a dumb joke), but the girl got steely serious and goes, “That’s not fucking funny. No, really. It’s not fucking funny.”
The room kind of goes awkward and dead. After a few minutes of trying to get the conversation back on track. Was I the asshole there?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
pJlNyCFKN73sdriAKjRzySby8K5ip06T
|
app4uc
|
{
"description": "skipping out on my best friend's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for skipping out on my best friend's wedding?
|
Story time guys. I've been friends with *Megan* for 8 years. Even though I moved 500 miles away, we managed to maintain our friendship. She got married for dubious reasons last summer. In the beginning, I was going to be maid of honor. Then, I was demoted to bridesmaid. Finally, I was simply invited as a guest. At this point, she was messaging me infrequently and seemed ambivalent in regards to my attendance. I understand that distance plays a role, but this is the kicker. It would have cost me ~2 grand to attend the wedding, and I'm a damn broke college student who pays my own bills. She has coasted by on her wealthy parents and now husband. I facetimed her tonight and after a normal conversation, she starts quilting me about not attending the wedding. I explained the financial burden it would have placed on me...and she still believes I should have attended. So reddit...am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
eT7a0KxaLnxIF1XSBzU1giT6Nqkrv2Eb
|
9um4q5
|
{
"description": "telling a friend to stop hanging out with us",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling a friend to stop hanging out with us?
|
When I came to school I had no friends as did most other people. I found a niche of people and we hung out a lot, eating together and hanging out. When school starts we all get busy so we don’t see each other as much. But our friend Ken always wants to hang out. The thing is, no one in our (decently large) friend group really likes Ken. Why? Because whenever we hang out he would say racist comments to an international student, transphobic comments to our trans friends, etc. and whenever he said a comment, someone in our group would say “hey, that wasn’t very nice,” to which he’d reply “oh, sorry” while chuckling. Except he didn’t change, he kept saying comments like that at every get together we had. He was rude, annoying and nobody really cared for him. But we weren’t about to tell him that as you can’t go around telling everybody you don’t like “hey, I don’t like you, stay away.” This went on for a couple of months. Eventually we started trying to give him subtle cues that we didn’t want him hanging around (not responding to texts, not showing up for dinner if he initiated it). And honestly, I felt bad that we were just ditching him as he had revealed plenty before how he “didn’t have any friends, dealt with depression, had a hard time making friends.” But every time I hung out with him I felt belittled. Then one day he starts texting one of the other friends in the group how he feels that our group is drifting apart and he doesn’t know why. He mentions that maybe people are avoiding him but brushes it off. So some of my friends and I sit him down and politely tell him that we don’t want him hanging out with us anymore and why (he’s said hurtful comments to numerous people). He was in denial the whole time and asked us to “list specific examples” of when this occurred. Obviously we can’t list a certain one as there were many times. Later that night he begins calling and texting everyone in our group saying he’s sorry. But by the next day he’s texted one of the friends who told him and accused them of “lying, I don’t know what you have against me but I’m tired of it, etc.” anyways, he didn’t take it well and has since left the school.
I’m really stressed out about the whole situation and some of the friends in the group are turning on the people who told him, including me. Was this the right decision?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
z7cOe74XN4J0FvRwvmkpV1M2Cj2lSEzC
|
a4tg2f
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be around a child",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA For not wanting to be around a child
|
To start off, I am a 27 year old single white male and I found out I got a woman of a different race pregnant. I’m not going to tell you guys what race she was because it will just start problems on this post, but I don’t want to take care of the child because the child won’t be accepted by my family. I told the lady this when she told me she was pregnant with my child and she started crying and called me a terrible person. I don’t want to pay child support but I’m willing as I definitely am not willing to take care of the child. I’m not ready to be a father at all. I can only support myself and having a kid will make it harder. Am I the asshole for thinking this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 21
}
|
WRONG
|
1rmuVA6qbuLofCNd9O5Fi941tDkHfgLv
|
b3lqk5
|
{
"description": "not wanting to match with/date girls who are in high school",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to match with/date girls who are in High school?
|
So I'm at the end of 1st year university, turning 19 soon, and a lot of the people that I match with are in senior year of high school (recently turned 18). Now I dont have a problem with them being on tinder, and some are pretty cool, but I don't like dating, or flirting g with people more than a year younger than me. This is mostly due to there being a big difference (in my mind at least) between the maturity of a high schooler and a university student. Now that I'm in university I have taken on so much more responsibility, such as being responsible for my own meals, making sure I go to class generally trying to be more of an adult.
Usually what happens if I match with a high schooler, I'll talk to them (I usually assume they have graduated) and then if it turns out they haven't, I will try to politely explain that I am not comfortable dating/flirting with/hooking up with a high schooler. Nothing against them, but I feel like there is a massive gap and stigma. I unmatch after that. I feel like if I were to actually date somebody in high school, even though they are completely consenting, and we are only about a year apart, I still think I would be more a .
So Am I the asshole for not wanting to date people more or less based entirely off of their age?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
X3hvpZC22BYHbaFpNyOhDuXL8kV1lYzH
|
abgwc4
|
{
"description": "calling the cops on my neighbor who is setting off fireworks in the middle of the night on new years",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA if I call the cops on my neighbor who is setting off fireworks in the middle of the night on New Years?
|
Okay, so a bit of context - I am VERY pregnant and perhaps a little hormonal/cranky. I live in a suburban neighborhood and it’s currently 4:24 AM.
One of my neighbors has been setting off giant, commercial fireworks for over an hour now. I get that it’s New Years and I don’t want to be that asshole that calls the cops, but am I being completely unreasonable here? Every time I think they are done and they stop for a few minutes, there’s another random boom and my whole bedroom lights up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
T5JKgbndnHyrzjI2kn0onqYqBZZHRr2J
|
9yt19g
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my depressed boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for breaking up with my depressed boyfriend?
|
For context, I am 19 and he is 20. We both started university this year (GB) and since arriving, we have had problems in our relationship. This has been difficult as we've previously never argued (been together for 2 1/2 years) and haven't really struggled with loving each other before. We live 15 minutes from each other so can easily see each other if there is a problem and we try and see each other about 3 or 4 times a week.
I have mental health problems which are fairly under control and have been for the past 2 years, but my boyfriend (although has had issues in the past with minor anxiety) has never really had issues of this kind before. He thinks he is depressed and I believe he might be as he seems unable to motivate himself to do anything and even when we spend time together, we don't really do much as he doesn't want to interact. He says he "feels grumpy" and then we just sit there or he cries until one of us leaves to go home. He also gets really annoyed with himself when he feels grumpy as he sees it's hard for me to deal with - this then makes me have to try and console him without admitting that it is hard for me as I don't want to make him feel worse.
He recently went for a meeting with someone in the University who gave him some contact details of someone who can support him. I try not to push him or remind him to contact the helpline as it'll make him put it off even more but eveytime I mention doing anything (or offering to help him with it) he just says he'll do it later.
I want to be there to support him through this but due to worrying about him so much, some of my previous mental health issues have started to resurface. I have found myself wanting to self harm after being clean for over a year and am in the process of trying to get help for myself so that I can sort myself out again.
It is very frustrating watching my boyfriend suffer and not being able to help, and also not watching him get the help he needs. He calls me crying and tells me I'm lovely for sticking with him and that he doesn't deserve me, which just makes me want to run in the opposite direction because I am scared of saying the wrong thing. He has threatened suicide so I feel I have to watch what I say in case something tips him over the edge. He also admitted to self harming (punching a wall) in order to get attention from me when I noticed.
I am one of the only people he will talk to and he relies on me a lot as he struggled to make friends at uni. I try and encourage him hanging out with people on his course but he struggles to make friends as he isn't very outgoing. Because of this, he only really asks me for help and doesn't really offload onto anyone else.
We have had lots of serious talks over the past few months and have both said to each other that we want to work through the problems we are having but I am not sure I can deal with the stress of trying to support him through something like this if it is going to continue for a very long time. I still love him, but it is very difficult to feel what I used to feel for him when he doesn't seem like the person he used to be.
I feel awful that I am even contemplating breaking up with him but I am terrified of being dragged down with him because he wants me to support him when I can't.
Would I be the asshole and do I just need to deal with my problems and support him or should I break up and just move on?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
veZROOIOLJRlvBMyQEI07GxNxyW7hD1C
|
b1n9p9
|
{
"description": "asking for a raise to keep working my per diem job",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking for a raise to keep working my per diem job?
|
So I have two jobs. A full time job in the ER and a second job I've had for awhile as a construction site medic per diem. They pay pretty much the same and don't mind the job too much but with my current full time gig it's pretty limited when I can pick up shifts. I work 1900-0700 3 times a week. Now if I haven't worked in a day or so ill pick up a construction site shifts. But they're having staffing issues and recently have been calling me regularly for coverage. I've explained that because of my hours if I have work Tuesday night to Wednesday morning I can't work either day (their shifts start at 0600 and end at 1600 but I don't wanna work like 20hrs in a row). But they've been pushing it saying it's fine if I come in late and pushing for me to work mornings before my ER shift. Now I don't mind the pay for a normal day if I haven't been in the ER in a bit, but I feel like if they want me to come off work then drive an hour to the site and work another 7hrs the pay isn't really worth it. Is it ok if I explain that if they expect me to work like that I'd want time and a half pay? Like.i work next Friday and Saturday night and they want me to come in Sunday morning. And for how much they pay I'd rather sleep. Is it an asshole move to ask for a raise only on those shifts where I'm coming off an ER shift or have a shift that night?
And if I'm not an asshole and advice how to ask?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ectyVYkh541p3ZX46an8XBfxiOeDX3bB
|
asz6i0
|
{
"description": "telling an indie makeup brand that they need to list their product's ingredients",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling an indie makeup brand that they need to list their product’s ingredients?
|
For context: I’m really into cosmetology and learning about the ingredients in beauty products, which is why this is important to me. I’ve read about a lot of nasty stuff they put in makeup.
Here’s what happened: I check out an indie makeup brand’s website by clicking the link in their instagram bio. I like their products and am considering buying some. I click on a lip gloss and see that they don’t list all of the ingredients, they just say it’s made with coconut oil and a “thick gel base”. That seems weird to me, as they don’t actually say what the base is made of. I’m thinking, “Okay, no big deal, I’ll just ask them where the ingredients are in case they have another page with full ingredients that I can’t find.”
I message them and they direct me back to the incomplete ingredient list. So at this point I’m kind of frustrated because I’ve seen a lot of this same thing, upcoming brands not listing ingredients. But at the same time I understand that starting a makeup line is complicated and not everyone knows all the rules and regulations associated with selling cosmetics.
So I message them again basically saying “I checked out the website but it doesn’t appear to have a complete ingredient list. I just wanted to let you know that listing ingredients of cosmetics is something that the FDA requires, unless you register a product or ingredient as a trade secret. This message comes with no ill will towards you or your brand, I feel compelled to tell you this because I see so many makeup, and especially lipgloss companies doing the same thing and I think it’s really an issue in the indie makeup community. Knowing this I hope you’ll add a full list of ingredients.”
They read my message and didn’t reply. I give it a day, and then check their site again a few minutes before messaging them for the second time to see if they had added ingredients, and they didn’t.
The second message I sent them said, “Hi, I saw that you read my message and I would really love to hear your perspective on this. Thanks”.
They messaged me back saying, “my products have a full ingredient list”.
I told them that I looked a few minutes ago and it was the same as before. They said to look again, and sure enough they added the ingredients. I’m thinking, “great! It’s awesome that they listen to consumers and make ajustements accordingly.”
But based on they way they replied to me it seems pretty obvious that they were really annoyed that I had asked them about this and persisted with it. It’s hard to explain but you know when you’re messaging someone and you can just tell they’re pissed? It was like that. I hate conflict/making people mad so this is really bugging me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
XZ8o53ztWarKKts1IKWOerWXx1LeXcej
|
b0yg3v
|
{
"description": "interviewing with other companies after accepting a job offer",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for interviewing with other companies after accepting a job offer?
|
So right off the bat I'll just say that I feel like the asshole for this, but I want to see what everyone else thinks. I'll try to give as much background as possible without getting too long.
I'm getting ready to graduate college (engineering degree) and managed to get a job offer for a well known, large company in my industry. The salary offer was about 10% higher than what I was expecting, but the position is doing work that doesn't really interest me. At the time I received the offer, I was waiting on a second company to get back to me, but they ended up not picking me. So I only had one offer on the table, and thinking that's all I was going to get, I accepted it. The start date is about 6 months in the future because of background checks/security clearance, so there's quite a bit of time before I actually start working. As far as I could tell, accepting the job offer doesn't mean I'm legally obligated to work for them, simply that I've agreed to their salary terms. (Also this is California which is an "at will" employment state)
About two weeks after I accepted the offer, I got calls from two other separate companies asking if I would interview with them. I took the interviews, mostly because I didn't expect them to go anywhere. Now it's a few more weeks down the line, and I'm in the final rounds of interviews for both these new companies. I feel like an asshole for accepting a job offer, and then interviewing with other companies, like I'm not being a loyal employee and I haven't even worked there. On the other hand, I feel like an asshole for already having a job and taking up the time of these new companies.
One important point, if either new company makes me an offer, I would strongly consider leaving the job I've already accepted. So it's not a total waste of their time to interview me, there is a possibility I can work for them. It's a dick move to walk away from an accepted offer, and I know it'll majorly piss some people off, but if the new offer is good enough it might be worth it.
So AITA for doing all this, or it is mostly acceptable?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
oQUbRTccoGSKfezi93BJm4CBO3HC3vnj
|
b4bl9w
|
{
"description": "going into my ex-mother-in-law's to chit chat after dropping my kids off",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going into my ex-mother-in-law’s to chit chat after dropping my kids off?
|
My ex has been harassing me all damn day to drop my kids off with his mom. They finally woke up from their nap, and I took them over. He had something going on tonight, so he wasn’t even going to be there. I knew she wouldn’t mind me showing up whenever, she just moved here from 500 miles away and is working at a job that I helped her get. I usually try to keep my distance, even though I want to talk to her, but my divorce was ugly and I never wanted to put her in the middle of it. Anyway, I get to the door and stand there kissing my kids goodbye, and she asks if I’m going to work and I say no, so she invites me in. I politely declined but she asked again if I had anything going on and I said no and she insisted I go in. So, I did. We were talking about work and life, since we work at the same place now. I got up and told my kids I should really get going soon, since they were going to eat dinner soon and his little brother got a call from my ex and he came out and got his mom on the phone then handed the phone to me. As I picked up the phone she walked past me into the kitchen looking pissed. I said hello and he asked me what I was doing and why was I there, told me that I had no right and that I needed to stop acting like I was part of the family, because I’m not. This all coming from my ex who hid a 7 month long affair during my entire pregnancy, and I even took him back after the affair to try to keep my family together but he left us two weeks before Christmas two years ago, and is still with the girl he cheated on me with. Am I really an asshole for going into my ex mil’s house when I was invited in? I didn’t want to be rude, but maybe that’s a boundary I shouldn’t have crossed. I don’t know.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Oj4Zf6b4ipedsXa5dkjhVx6AH8yTjdxl
|
b3aszw
|
{
"description": "not having absent work done by time I've got school",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not having absent work done by time I’ve got school?
|
I was absent 2 days about 1 month ago. And my teacher is still holding it against me how I didn’t have the work they did done the day I came back. She said I should’ve emailed friends and gotten the work info. Well I did I understood none of it she said she wouldn’t explain and to ask others. So I did eventually I understood. Well she said that I was gonna get a lunch dentition for not having it done the day I arrived. Is this a common thing and I’m just dumb or is she just mad at me? She generally has hated me all year. This is because I read when my work is done and she would always personally check mine while letting everyone else just chill and do their work. And I had it all done I think at least.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
XTjYbopHQat2iTygseL7FTecAF9fMuXJ
|
af3siy
|
{
"description": "using the handicap restroom",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for using the handicap restroom?
|
Ok, here’s the deal. I’m driving to the mountains for the weekend and we stopped at a rest area. I go into the bathroom and of the three total stalls only one is open... the handicap restroom. I go in, do my business (which literally took less than two minutes) and come out to wash my hands. A woman with a wheelchair had entered merely 45 seconds earlier and as I walked out she gave me the stink eye and passive aggressively said to her friend “isn’t it rude of some people to use the stall that is specifically designated for handicap?”
I’m not looking for validation. I know this woman was an entitled bitch who just so happens to be in a wheelchair. My question is in general.... is it okay for an able bodied person to use that stall? I always thought it was fine. You rarely find someone handicapped in the restroom, and even if I did , why can’t they wait in the line like the rest of us? If I entered and someone in a wheelchair was already there, of course I’d let them go first. But I believe they should be treated just as everyone else is. And that includes waiting in line for the restroom.
AITA? Should I leave that particular stall empty on the off chance someone who can only use that stall comes in, or is the stall fair game and handicapped or not.., wait in line! Set me straight if I’m wrong!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
GJX5JNSoEe9BymuwdJO9XINnBpoNsHi8
|
b1tzjp
|
{
"description": "taking my daughter's new phone",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 291
}
|
AITA for taking my daughter’s new phone?
|
I’ve always been of the opinion that too much screen time is one of the worst things for kids. My daughter is 12 and has wanted one forever, but I’ve held firm on it by not getting her one.
I’m divorced. My ex and I share custody. He had her last week and got her an iPhone and put it on his plan. I’m pretty convinced that this is all just a passive aggressive jab at me because he knew I would either take it away or let him be the hero who finally got her a phone.
Well I stood firm in my beliefs and took it from her when she came home. Of course she’s furious with me. Thanks ex. She’s barely talking to me. Her point is that she hasn’t even done anything and that it’s not mine to take. Her dad gave it to her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 256,
"OTHER": 42,
"EVERYBODY": 35,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 10
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 49,
"WRONG": 291
}
|
WRONG
|
ww9bNyV7OsTEOXJ3zJbIHYXbL5stxiGz
|
b8e0h9
|
{
"description": "being hurt by my boyfriend for not wanting me to go to his family's party as it would be \"awkward\"",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being hurt by my boyfriend for not wanting me to go to his family's party as it would be "awkward"?
|
I am going to try to make this as short as possible. I've(23F) been with my boyfriend (28M) for over a year now, we get along great.
His family on the other hand does not like me, they have told him it's because of my religion. I don't even practice my religion anymore but I guess the fact that I once did bothers them. (Not a crazy religion, a pretty common one)
His family constantly tells him how there are other "fish in the sea" and he can find someone better, that kind of thing. I haven't ever met his sister (25F) but she's the main one telling him these things. He's never stuck up for me with anything his family says, and it definitely bothers me.
Well, this Easter his sister, her new puppy, and her boyfriend of a couple months are coming down to visit. My boyfriend mentioned in passing a pottery class they are going to Friday. He didn't invite me but I had to work anyways and I know he wants to get in as much time with his visiting family, so I didn't ask if I could join.
But on Easter Sunday I expected him to bring me along, when I asked him to make sure it was okay with his parents that I come he said he didn't need to ask as he felt it would be awkward if I came. When I asked him why, he said that if his sister says something to me he doesn't want me to say anything and wants me to avoid her being rude.
I am a very laid back person but if someone was rude to me , I would tell them that it was rude of them to say or do that. It kind of irritated me that he would say that/not want to stand up for myself.
AITA here? I feel so silly for writing this or asking but I gave no one else to vent to or ask about this. I understand him not wanting his sister to be rude to me but he knows I would not make a scene or be rude back as I always try to avoid confrontation if possible.
TD;LR boyfriend's family doesn't like me, he doesn't want me at Easter Sunday as it would be awkward if his sister said something rude to me and I stood up for myself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
yJfU10EQJkr4sIjNfe34NmxPX3uQlb9N
|
awt8jj
|
{
"description": "asking my gf to give me head",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my gf to give me head.
|
First poster and not native speaker, so forgive me my mistakes.
My gf was over yesterday and after cuddling and making out she started giving me a hand job. After a while she told me that her hand hurted which I, wanting to get head, replied to: "Does your mouth hurt?"
For context: She gave me head before after her arms started getting weak so I didn't think of it as a big deal.
However she started laughing but also calling me rude/outrageous and stopped operating on me.
She then proceeded to play around my dick with her mouth and hand to mock me and after that stood up to get dressed. She also gave me salacious looks while eating a banana afterwards to kind of make fun of me.
So, AITA for ignoring that her hand hurted because I wanted to get head, and being pissed because she mocks me with it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Y69SgWg4IEOBzr9lkXZNno2P0gvtefVQ
|
9v1ngh
|
{
"description": "raising my voice at my sister",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for raising my voice at my sister?
|
I try not to bother her or annoy them. I mind my own business, and I try to be nice. But they are always mad at me for some reason- I got extremely mad while I was playing video games, and she gets mad at me even though I said nothing to them and I was just grumbling at myself. I ask her “Why are you mad at me?” in a reasonable tone. She says for me to shut up, and I need to get out the house because all I do is play video games. In reaction to her attitude, I get mad and I tell her to shut up and mind her own business. And then she says “Why are you getting mad?” I said that she should just leave me alone because I wasn’t talking to her. She proceeds to tell me to shut up again. I was very upset, so I called her a f*cking b*tch. I was also upset because this has happened numerous times and I’m the one who gets in trouble.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
NdAWzcPEv1E9JFV1cI5I0YRv0Merd9J3
|
aiq4nn
|
{
"description": "thinking that tipping 15% is fine in a state with no \"server's wage.\"",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for thinking that tipping 15% is fine in a state with no "server's wage."
|
TLDR: My state has no server's wage, just minimum wage. AITA for thinking 15% is acceptable for medium/average service.
​
I feel like I often hear the everyone should be tipping server's a minimum of 20% for good-medium service, and that the tip should go up from there. The argument is that this person is serving you and they rely on their tips to make a living. I worked in retail for years, making a little more than minimum wage, and server's in my state make minimum wage, so this argument is a little lost on me. I have never not left a tip, even with bad service I leave 10-15% (to me, bad service is being rude or ignoring me for a very long time without explanation). I understand server's get taxed on estimated tip amounts, but I think 15% is more than fair when this is in addition to minimum wage. I often tip 20%, because I often get good service and am a regular at a few places. What I don't like is being made to feel like I'm a shitty person if I tip anything less than that, in my mind 20% is a *very* good tip, not an expected amount. I run my own on-site beauty business and am tipped there, I would be more than happy with a 15% tip. I know this is a touchy subject for a lot of people, but AITA if I only tip 15% (or thinking is an acceptable amount)?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
UK4uRNuwN6Sp0k9GdKje2ue1QHIEVRyb
|
a8iobz
|
{
"description": "leaving a birthday early",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving a birthday early
|
So I was invited to my step mom’s birthday, which was hosted at a rented out venue with approximately 140 in attendance (not at a time, cycling in and out). I arrived at about 7:30, with the party starting at 7 and last call being at 1 AM. Out of all these people I knew approximately 15, with other people recognizing me here and there (I’m pretty bad with faces so I didn’t recognize most of them). I was allowed a few guests so I brought 2 of my friends, whom I hung around with for most of the night. Everybody got very drunk, which I wasn’t able to do due to me being underage where I live. About two hours in, most people are shitfaced and me and my friends want to leave (they don’t know anyone either). They wait outside while I say bye to my very drunk step mom. She proceeds to yell at me for about 15 minutes for leaving early, telling me to tell my friends to fuck off and stay. She gets distracted and I quickly make my exit, but now I’m left feeling really conflicted about the situation.
TLDR; Left my step mom’s party 2 hours in, she yelled at me about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
g3RAk4WHQaXurrjwmWvyc7cO2J6O7e7U
|
a51gmi
|
{
"description": "\"mansplaining\" as my fellow resident put it",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for "mansplaining" as my fellow resident put it
|
Context before the situation. A few months ago I moved into a dorm style apartment complex (shared rooms, kitchen, bathrooms, etc.) The complex has an incredibly friendly atmosphere and I've met and spoken with many new people since living here. I am also very closing to graduating from my IT program and have gladly helped many friends and family with IT related concerns. I've also been sick lately and lately have had trouble hearing out of general tiredness, I'm extremely eager to get more hands on experience and answer questions or figure out an issue when possible. My eagerness and excitement brought me into my current situation.
​
I was heating up my dinner in the shared kitchen and was in the company of a few other residents who were eating/cooking their dinners as well. I overhead some tech talk between 2 female residents (a younger one, probably in her 20s and an the other probably in her 40s). My initial read on the situation was the younger woman was asking for assistance with her chrome book and the older woman was helping. I didn't catch much of the situation but overheard a simple question from the younger female regarding IT. I immediately begin to answer the question, out of habit almost. The older lady cuts me off and asks "Would you like to answer the question?". In my tired state, I believed she was sincerely asking me, as I am not used to other people also having a background in IT, so I begin explaining once again. The older lady says something that I cannot quite hear, laughs, and begins explaining her answer. I notice another resident across from me laughing under his breath while looking at me, at which point I think "Did I do something wrong?".
​
I realized right away that it was rude of me to just jump into the conversation. I somewhat knew the younger female resident and just didn't think straight in my eager ' I'm an IT' guy moment. Afterwards I apologize to the older woman for butting in and explain that I'm just excited about the IT world. She exclaims that I was mansplaining and she found it offensive. I tried to explain to her "I wasn't thinking about gender at all, simply the IT question. I apologize for interrupting and meant no harm."
​
She informs me that I answered the question because they were 2 females and I was a man so I thought I needed to answer the question based on that. I really was just excited about being able to answer a question related to IT. The older woman worked as a software developer for 9 years and was very capable of answering the question. Working for 9 years in IT, I can understand she's probably had to break through some sexist boundaries, especially for the time she went into it. She also tells me she will only accept my apology if i accept that what I had done WAS mansplaining. Eventually another resident broke the tension and we all carried on with a casual conversation.
​
I apologize if this all sounds jumbled, I'm typing it as I'm recovering from a nasty cold. I will try to resolve any confusion anyone has. The question is, was I a mansplaining asshole? Was what I did wrong only because of the genders involved? Would what I did normally come off as offensive, or was this blown out of proportion?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9hz3uU5dSHJ0yl72hcWosrdqZPKyAbvy
|
axh7mj
|
{
"description": "trying to get my sister to leave her abusive relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to get my sister to leave her abusive relationship?
|
My sister has always been the type of woman to fall hard for guys and against all better judgment literally worshipped whoever the man in her life was at the time.
She currently has a boyfriend that is legitimately scary and abusive, in my opinion. This guy will demean her for using the word "bitch." He will become hysterical at the slightest hint of her wanting to dump him; he will literally cry for hours on end. And for lack of better phrasing, he just doesn't treat her nicely. He also has this manipulative tendency to make people feel sorry for him by making his life sound so horrible.
On their five month anniversary, they weren't celebrating it just happened to be the day, she texts him that things aren't working out and they are breaking up.
He then proceeds to drive to her work twice that day to talk to her; she works an hour away from his house. Later that day, he drives past her house constantly to the point that when she pulls in her driveway and is walking to the house, he pulls in the driveway and she has to rush into her house. He then incessantly pounds on the door demanding to talk and return his cooking pot.
She calls the police because of this. Ironically, the dispatcher informs her that police are already on the way because he called them because she is "withholding" his cooking pot. When the police arrive, they inform her that this guy already has a protection order against him from another female in the city.
Things cool down. He leaves with no charges pressed. And my sister relays these details to the family over the next few days.
This event took place in December of 2018.
Fast forward a few months and she reveals that she started dating him again in January of 2019.
I am under the impression that this guy is a lunatic and start fact checking every detail he ever said to make us feel sorry for him. During my search I discovered a few discrepancies:
He didn't grow up in the affluent community he claimed to be from
He claimed to hate our home town because he always gets pulled over but has zero traffic violations on his record
He said he was born to a teen mom but his mother was 20, almost 21, when he was born
He claimed to have had a full ride for college but it turned out to be ROTC
​
So I keep pointing out these discrepancies to my sister, yeah they are relatively minor but to me the paint a picture of deceit. I also point out how his behaviors are are in line with someone engaging in emotional abuse and manipulation by sending her documents from the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.
I know what I am doing doesn't fit into society's view of reasonable or rational, and she sure as hell is bothered by it, but am I the asshole for trying to get my sister to leave her abusive relationship?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
8kKk2ezmR5wCv7F9VP5R20MPmTfILMjV
|
a719mf
|
{
"description": "catfishing my best friend's trash boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA for catfishing my best friend’s trash boyfriend.
|
Long story short. My best friend (bff) met her boyfriend (bf) about a decade ago during our freshman year of college on an online dating site. When they first got together I was ecstatic. She had lost her mom just a few months prior and went into a depression from that. Before that she suffered from low self esteem due to her weight and constant bullying. So for me I saw it as her becoming more confident and independent.
I met him once early on in their relationship and he gave me a weird vibe but didn’t think too much into it. Continuing on bff started to confide a lot of stuff about him and their relationship. He would often ghost her for days/months at a time and then come back to ask her for money. He was cheating on her leading to her getting an STI. And on top of it all he was a registered sex offender(I’m hesitant to put that out there but I think it highlights how desperate she was at the time). The last time he ghost her was for several years and I assumed they were done done. Until I was at her house a few months ago and he walked in the door. I feigned ignorance as to his identity. As far she knows I think this is a new guy. She plays along with it so she obviously doesn’t want me to know that it’s him. I ask them questions about how they met and she lies to my face about it. I know she does it because she knows I’ll say something.
My boyfriend and I went out to dinner with them and the whole thing was cringe worthy. He kept making comments to me. Nothing overtly sexual but just kept bringing me up in conversation. He was also loud and obnoxious making anti semitic comments and following them up with “I’m a quarter Jewish” and kept cutting everyone off in conversation. You could tell she was annoyed by the situation. He’s definitely a douche but if it was just all of that I wouldn’t say anything.
Fast forward to today-ish, I’m on tinder and he pops up. I haven’t swiped left or right but a part of me wants to make a “fake” account and see where it goes. Though, I also get that sometimes ignorance is bliss. If your health and well being are on the line is it reasonable for me to just overlook it for my best friend? My biggest concern is that she’s being taken advantage of. If I was in the situation I’d want to know.
(Ugh I guess the thing that bothers me most about this situation is that she other opportunities but she’s getting tied down by this manipulative trash dude. )
Also, just a note, they’re not open or polyamorous.
Tl;dr I found my best friend’s boyfriend on tinder and I want to catfish him to see if he’s still cheating on her.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
cjRkTQhT2N1GXe8d8DlJZHzGs4aX740f
|
9w31e9
|
{
"description": "declining a girl asking me out because I might have misinterpreted her intentions",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for declining a girl asking me out because I might have misinterpreted her intentions?
|
Obligatory 'didn't happen today', but a few years ago. So some context: it was 9th grade, and I was definitely on the lower end of the popularity totem pole.
After 9th period was almost over, everyone was waiting by the door, waiting for the bell to ring. A girl (let's call her 'A') calls me over to the back of the room. Her friend (who we'll call 'B') is standing next to her. A asks me if I would want to hang out with B sometime. Believing that it was some sort of a joke (Both of the girls were popular; I had bad relations with some of the popular male student), I figured it was a 'Birds of a Feather' scenario. I reply with something along the lines of 'no thanks, I appreciate the offer', and was promptly saved by the bell. It was never brought up since.
I'm not asking to see if I was an asshole for turning her down. I'm asking to see if I was an asshole for possibly misinterpreting her intentions, assuming that she wasn't serious.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
YlmxJXC8z13MUBd3ijMeyM2mz8mOIEbN
|
9uk45k
| null |
AITA?
|
So for a class of mine, I had to make a prezi on how Jack o lanterns came to be popular and whatnot. My group consists of me and two friends. One friend decides to be the leader and gives me the easiest one that basically required no work at all, Common Carvings. I help out the other friend with her section. Anyway, we have to grade our teammates, and he gives me a three out of four on "giving 100% and best work". With the rest of the grading it would average out to be a 3.6/4 or so. Afterwards he tells me he didn't think I deserved a four, despite giving me the literal no work section and not acknowledging my help with the other sections. The whole point of the presentation was to use Ebscohost to find two sources and to use them. I find one, and my other friend found the other. He didn't use one at all because he didn't need to. Am I the asshole for thinking about this so much and caring about such a small grade?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fWpcj7xHAzAWebVrja9fxmseaa4TgenU
|
ap8amo
|
{
"description": "not completely doing the dishes",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for not completely doing the dishes?
|
To start - I am 19F who definitely doesn't help around the house as much as I should. I know I'm lazy sometimes but I do occasionally get massive surges of energy and clean lots. I find it hard to do jobs or work due to depression (motivation and ability to concentrate is unfortunately shot atm). This has ruined a lot for me as I went from being a top student to bottom and I have struggled since with not being one of 'the best' like my mum in particular has always pushed me to be. She is pretty onboard with my bad mental health though.
Today we had an amazing Sunday roast and I helped clean and set the table. I also cleared all the dishes and did a couple loads of clothes washing. My parents asked me this evening to do the dishwasher, which I thought was slightly unfair because my brother (17) hasn't done any household chores today.
Anyway I unloaded the dishwasher but decided I wanted to ask my brother to load it back up. This is because I am vegetarian and honestly the thought of touching plates and trays which pork has been cooked in, and are covered in fat and grease is revolting to me. I am also the only vegetarian out of the 4 of us if this is relevant at all.
My parents really did not like this even though I explained I did not want to touch all the fat and grease left over from the pork. They shook their heads at me and gave me their disappointed glare that I hate and told me how lazy I was. Mum would barely look at me. In about an hour I expect she will come into my room and tell me how awful I am for not completing the dishwasher and lecture me on my laziness.
So my question is - does she have a right to be this angry?
TL:Dr - didn't load up the dishwasher because did not want to touch meat, my parents are really unhappy about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
GbwSEfEyHt6aIbk5X9y5Dt6qmkY8AmzW
|
9z1g5c
|
{
"description": "finding tinder on my Fiancee's phone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA - finding Tinder on my Fiancee's phone
|
(Please look at my post history) - So I was laying in bed, and I see Tinder (big red flame in the white). anyhow, i clicked it, immediately put me to a bunch of divorcee's. So I have questions: Does Tinder just figure your status and select you? Can people just sign you up on your phone? All is over?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
dUQrDULo3eYBr2QYX4VyMdeJl98yzM57
|
ar42cl
|
{
"description": "not respecting Trans friend as much as I can",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not respecting Trans friend as much as I can.
|
Let me explain.
Let’s call my friend Sarah.
(I’m in the 8th grade now)
I met Sarah in the 3rd grade and we were pretty good friends. We were both pretty weird (her more than me) and we got along fine. We liked sharing our creative ideas with each other.(Note: I didn’t like hers most of the time, but I tried not to be an asshole about it). Years go bye of being pretty good friends, we branch out a bit, I’m a fairly conservative-Libertarian Christian, and she was quite the opposite in most regards.
She was often very crass and rude, but I try to look past this for a while.
The 7th grade comes, and right before the year starts, she tells me that she is Transgender, and has changed his name to (let’s say) Eric.
At first I reject this, I hadn’t had a lot of experience with sexuality, gender, and all those kinds of things, so I saw it as a bit of a phase.
Eric very quickly put me in my place and I decided to accept it for both of our sakes. It was rocky at first, we all made slip ups, but Eric was always exceptionally angry.
Even if it was an unintentional misgender, I’d get physically hit for it.
I’ve gotten better at being respectful and accommodating.
But Eric knows I don’t feel great about Transgenders and I get harassed by him quite a lot.
I rarely unintentionally misgender Eric, I rarely even discuss transgenderism with him in any sense, but he’s still a jerk about it, even though I accommodate his identity as much as I can.
I understand that Eric has issues with his parents and mentally, and that being Trans is hard as hell, but sometimes he can be so brutal to me, and also extremely hypocritical that I can’t help but ask,
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
PNynBhUpZBth9H0NGGR7GVE7NGk1HiB4
|
b1mu5p
|
{
"description": "venting to my friends about my brother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for venting to my friends about my Brother?
|
This originates from events that happened last year.
My parents went on holiday. I chose to stay home and look after my Dogs and the house with my older brother.
We decided that during the first week I would stay in the living room to look after the Dogs and he would do the same on the second week.
​
The first week was completely fine, I stayed with the Dogs and he went out to see friends on Thursday and Friday. On Saturday he stayed out for the night (D&D) and he came home late Sunday.
The second week comes along and as we had decided, he was to stay with the Dogs for the week. Instead of doing as he agreed, he decided to repeat his actions from the first week. I talked to him on Saturday morning about this and he brushed it off with "I do D&D every week." he proceeded to go out and not come back until late night Sunday.
​
I think he's an asshole for doing this, but I can get over it. The thing I can't get over is the mess he made in the kitchen and kept making worse throughout these two weeks.
My parents had asked us to clean the house before they returned, my brother never returned to help with this. A friend of mine decided to come hang out with me at my house on the weekend and he decided that he would help me in my brother's place. We managed to get everything cleaned up (my brother never thanked my friend for doing his work for him).
​
That's the end of the long winded backstory.
​
Today I was told that my parents were going to go on another two week holiday in May. I sent a message to my friends which said, "Oh boy. My parents are going on holiday for two weeks in May. Can't wait to spend two weeks doing literally everything around the house while (Brother) acts like a fucking victim because he has to look after the dogs for all of three days." (I found out that he was calling me lazy for not wanting to spend the weekend looking after the Dogs)
The long argument that followed boils down to this.
A friend who always starts arguments in this group chat claimed that I'm immature because "housework is easy" and that I shouldn't be dragging them into it. This doesn't make sense to me, because I never mentioned the housework being difficult, just that I don't think it's okay to make me do everything and I don't think that I dragged anybody into it, I simply vented a bit.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
D5TQX0s1OYSFSgNqvCsJpEccHvWWKKh5
|
aq0t9k
|
{
"description": "being a \"killjoy\" with kids and my animals",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being a "killjoy" with kids and my animals?
|
My family has a small farm we jokingly refer to as a "Fisher Price farm". We have horses (normal and miniature), a donkey, goats, geese, chickens, a rabbit, dogs and cats. I own some of the animals myself and some belong to my parents- the vast majority of the animals are rescues. My mom absolutely loves inviting people, especially kids, over to hang out with animals they may not normally meet and to ride our horses. She always expects my help handling the animals and children, which I don't mind, I love animals and like kids.
​
The current problem is that my mom thinks I'm way too firm with children around the animals. I think that what I say is for the benefit of our pets' health and stress levels, and to keep the kids safe. She says that I'm a "killjoy", that I "make children and parents uncomfortable by being too controlling" (her words). This stung a bit I'll admit since I dislike having to be the one with boundaries but I consider my mom a people pleaser who wants all the kids/adults to have an idyllic farm experience without any realistic boundaries. Here are some examples of points of conflict:
Kids are chasing chickens around in 90 degree (or hotter) weather, until chickens are panting and obviously overheating. I say "Please don't chase them, they're nervous and it's too hot for them to run this much. There are quiet chickens right here you can pet or hold gently!" Repeated multiple times, eventually dropping the please. Finally pick up the chickens they're chasing (chickens don't run from me, they know my call) and put the chickens in the coop out of reach. Mom says that I'm ruining their fun and that it won't kill the chickens to get a little hot.
​
Kids running around the horses' hindquarters, hitting them in the face with a metal comb, screaming in excitement. I say "Guys, you have to be quiet and calm around horses or they may get nervous and spook or kick. Be gentle when you brush the horses." Mom says it's fine, our horses are safe and quiet. I remind her that the horse in question once kicked out and caught her in the thigh when a horsefly bit her. Mom says I'm scaring the kids and getting worried over nothing.
​
Kids chasing already skittish cats, I ask them to not do that and play with the dogs instead, mom says it won't kill the cats to get chased.
​
There's a lot more unfortunately.
​
Eventually my mom says maybe she shouldn't ask me to help her anymore with kids around since I'm "a killjoy and make people uncomfortable". I have never swore at, shouted at, or even raised my voice at kids. I always try to be calm but firm. However the one time I wasn't supervising it (in a roundabout way, to be fair) ended up with the death of one of my chickens so I'm not confident in my mom's ability to supervise all the animals and kids. I often time get left watching 6-8 kids by myself around a barn with large animals while my mom chats with the parents. That's also been frustrating.
​
I guess I'm afraid I am a killjoy and an asshole for being firm and maybe over controlling? I do really try to be polite but I know that I often put what I perceive to be the animals' comfort/wellbeing over kids' enjoyment. I'm happy to clarify anything, I want to be as fair and present all sides as possible.
​
TL;DR My mom thinks I'm kind of an asshole and too controlling about kids playing around our animals, i.e. telling kids to stop chasing chickens or lower their voices around horses.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
5Moe1XofMp3X7L7mhoaU86OMCmQmNfDZ
|
auo4q6
|
{
"description": "not wanting to sleep in a twin bed on vacation",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to sleep in a twin bed on vacation?
|
Longtime lurker/new poster here, but wanted to get thoughts on a situation...
​
For some quick background: a friend of mine is getting married and we're booking hotels. Originally, a friend + his gf + I were going to share a 2BR condo (2BRs each with a king bed). Boom, done, no issue. Well, in comes party #3 and his wife. He asks if he can share a place with us; sure no problem, find a new 3BR that works for all of us and we'll be good.
​
The new place he finds has 1 BR with a king bed, 1 BR with a king bed, and 1 BR with two twin beds. It seems to be assumed the couples get the king beds and I, as the single one, would be relegated to the single beds. Well, I didn't like this "downgrade" and I said that I wasn't interested in sleeping in a twin bed. I didn't demand that someone else had to, nor did I even request anyone else had to... I just said that \*I\*, personally, didn't want to do that. And of course, no one else wanted to either (there were no volunteers to take the small beds).
​
Also to note: 3 BR condos with all king or queen beds is rare, but there were some other options, including upping to a 4BR and bringing in another person or couple. We were in a rush, though, as rooms were booking up quick so we wanted to book something as fast as possible.
​
Well, eventually, party #3 (a couple) agrees to sleep in the twin beds, if we gave them a discount on their share of the room. I agreed and thought this was awesome. I talked to party #3 on the phone and he's perfectly fine with it... but I feel slightly awkward being a single guy sleeping in a big bed (while a married couple sleeps on twin beds), and I'm worried this could make things a little awkward when it actually comes time to check in.
​
My thoughts: I feel that I shouldn't have to give up comforts on my vacation because I'm "single". It's my vacation and I'm paying for my share of things. I was also willing to find another place, and again, was not demanding anyone else sleep in a small bed; I just said that \*I\* didn't want to. Lastly, I already had plans solidified and am making accommodations to party #3 by changing plans in the first place, so he can save some money ($250/night for 1 BR vs. $100/night for 3BR is his cost; I'm saving money overall as well, but not to that extent).
​
So, AITA for not wanting to sleep in a tiny bed on my vacation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
IM1EXnTzkj2WMk4vLO0ACwRbA0sDjBfK
|
anklr6
| null |
AITA because I won’t except my partner’s offer to give up alcohol for me?
|
1 month ago my boyfriend of 3 years got super drunk (near black out) and started heavily flirting with a woman at a bar. I know the woman, and he was so trashed he did it in front of a ton of people we know. He danced with her and got her number and would have done god knows else if one of his friends didn’t kick him out of the bar mid grind on the dance floor.
I found out cause I saw his text to her when he came home reeking of alcohol that night. The next morning He initially lied and said nothing happened and that he didn’t dance with anyone until I asked him about the text. Then he broke down with the truth.
I love him a lot. He’s a wonderful man outside of this. But I feel like I can’t trust him when he drinks. This isn’t he first time I’ve gotten the willies from him when he’s very drunk. He becomes very sexually aggressive which is a huge red flag because he never initiates sex when sober (which lead us to a dead bedroom).
I was willing to work with his issues with sex. But idk I feel like this is too much.
**important**
The reason why I ask this sub is because he is willing to give up drinking cold turkey for me which I believe will definitely fix the infidelity problem. Sober he is one of the most honorable people I know and he takes his image very seriously. That’s how I know he was wasted...to be able to do that in front of all of our friends knowing they’d judge the shit out of him for it (they kicked him out of the club - thank god for decent people).
AITA for not willing to be with someone who can’t handle their alcohol? I love going out and drinking and dancing on the weekends. But I’m 24 and part of me wonders if I’m being immature by not taking this olive branch and inevitably growing up and not drinking and going out with friends as much cause he can’t.
I want a spouse who can drink socially and have fun without doing the most. But my mom says he’s being very mature and genuine by stopping his alcohol consumption and working on himself to figure out why he did what he did. Should I grow up and give it a chance? I’ve never feared that he’d cheat sober and still kind of don’t. Am I being stubborn by throwing away 3 years of this relationship and not giving it a second chance?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
l4N5SDncmspM7qJh7TqDcj193YEJsewH
|
9w1nv7
|
{
"description": "spilling milk and then not cleaning it",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for spilling milk and then not cleaning it
|
so, i was at my "friend's" house and i got thirsty. so i asked him if he had any juice and he said "in the fridge" . so i opened the fridge and when i try to grab the juice, it pushed the milk alongside it and it was uncapped. it spilled all over the fridge. i apologized and was trying to clean it up. he started yelling and cursing, then he shoved me. so i said "you know what? clean it yourself" after he pushed me. i left his house and went home
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
AHLldOWJ4XSRofrkDiShJkK2avn4gGyk
|
b1oabi
|
{
"description": "breaking up with her over her employment status",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I broke up with her over her employment status?
|
My gf and I moved in together in August. She and I both hate our jobs, we would take turns bitching about them to each other. Weeks into moving in together her complaining started including fantasies of quitting.
One time I asked her what she would do for money. She said she would find something else. That anything would be better than where she’s at now. So I told her that she should apply around and secure another job first and then quit. She agreed with my thoughts on it.
Then in September she quit. With no other job lined up. She said she just couldn’t take it and promised me that she would spend all her free time finding something else.
She has plenty of retail experience and we live in a city with pretty much endless retail jobs. I know she hates it and doesn’t want to do it anymore, but as I said I hate my job too. I suck it up because we have bills to pay and my income alone barely squeaks us by.
I’ve been getting more and more frustrated. Especially when she gets testy with me when I ask how the search is going. I honestly resent the fuck out of the fact that she sits at home watching Netflix all day while I’m working.
I haven’t 100% made my mind up about ending things, but I’ve been thinking about it more and more lately.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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"OTHER": 9,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
668zcdLEMYDEPRy98fAUceICyYsHedCC
|
b4wyl2
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend not to hang out with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend not to hang out with my friend?
|
Long story short I’ve been with my girlfriend (we’ll call her K) for about 6 months now. We went on casual dates before that and have always had an easy going relationship.
For example, we met through a friend of hers I had been casually seeing a few months before that and she has no problem with her and I hanging out even if she (K) isnt there.
All of my friends like her and I feel the same, if I’m at work and she wants to get drinks with “my friends” and their significant others I encourage it. We trust each other.
Recently though a friend moved back into town and has been hanging around our house quite a bit. He was nice to my girlfriend like I would expect my friends to be but in the last few weeks I think he overstepped.
He’s invites her out to breakfast multiple times, which she accepted once, and demanded to cover the tab and insisted it was his treat.
She mentioned a book she had been wanting a hard copy over at a get together and he purchased it and brought to our house the next day.
Lastly I can notice him checking her out every chance he gets and I feel like he sees her different than my other friends.
She says that he is just a sweet guy and wants to be as social as possible after just moving back. I trust my girlfriend and I think she means well but doesn’t understand his intentions.
AITA/insecure for asking her to avoid him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fp4QWR9UXs7nGR74Xc7WItKuysfRbevs
|
az7nwm
|
{
"description": "encouraging my girlfriend to lose weight",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA: For encouraging my girlfriend to lose weight
|
Lately I've been worried about my girlfriend's weight gain. She's been going through a stressful period in her life due to family stress, thus she's began binge eating and gained some weight over the past few months (I'd say around 10-15 pounds I'm not sure but it's visible). She's not unhealthy I don't think but she's sorta pudgy. I don't mind but I'm less attracted to her to be frank.
I've tried talking to her about her weight directly but she just gets upset and starts crying. So I've tried helping her indirectly. When we eat together I try to encourage her to eat healthier and less. For example I'll say "hey maybe you should have some broccoli instead of rice?" or "that's a lot of food you, you sure you should eat all of that?"
Recently she snapped at me about and it caused a huge fight. I think she's just over dramatic, but maybe I'm just a dick. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 22
}
|
WRONG
|
uIFexRvKu7kB0PE88VzoKVKPnJeWMsBB
|
at8emp
|
{
"description": "being mad at my local kebab guy",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being mad at my local kebab guy?
|
So, In my town, there´s this guy who sells kebab. True, he isn´t the only one, but there has been some gossip that someone got a disease from it and although I haven´t heard it from the most credible sources, I´d rather eat at the first one. You see, the problem is that there´s no way of communicating with the guy, since he doesn´t know Czech (you know, the language of the insignificant state in the middle of Europe whose main job throughout the history is to get occupied) nor English. Not that he doesn´t try, my main problem is that he can´t really put sentences together, plus he has this thick accent because of which you can´t hear anything. And, the worst of all, he tries to open window for conversation, which is absolutely horrible, because of the problems already listed. The time there usually looks like this: I enter, say ,,Hello", and order. There is the first problem since he probably can understand you, but you can´t. So every time the conversation goes like this: Me: Hey, can I get a six and some small fries please?" (I usually get something for my brother when I´m there)
Kebab guy: Ev´ing? Me: Uhh... yes.
Then, I just walk around the shop while I wait for him to finish my food, maybe watch some Netflix. Or at least I WOULD be if the guy didn´t try to talk to me further.
Kebab guy: H´w ar´ yu?
Me: Uhh, good.
Kebab guy: Yeh?
Then the other employee walks in, chats with Kebab guy and then they laugh. And if they do, all hell breaks loose. You see, I am not the oldest, so whenever the dudes laugh, Kebab guy 90% of the time says: ,,Yu kno´ wh´t that me´ns?" And then he proceeds to explain to me what it is, and all I can do is to awkwardly stand there and let him talk. As you probably got right now, I really don´t like it. The guy is probably just all day alone there having nothing to do, since the other employee is rarely there, and if he is, he is in the back doing something, so I wondered if that justifies all the cringy conversations.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
9QOqMtdTeIqoWcIqiviLIwPeio0lhN0c
|
a1wp3j
|
{
"description": "not paying my roommates if they didn't hold up to their end of the bargain",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA if I don’t pay my roommates if they didn’t hold up to their end of the bargain?
|
I went on a detachment (work trip) to Virginia for a week and asked them to take care of my ferrets.
Food, water, give them time out of the cage, replace dirty litter spots with clean litter, and clean up any accidents they have outside of the cage. I told them I’d throw them a few bucks for their time and as a thank you.
I got back home today, and they’re alive. They had food and water, but it seems like that’s all they did. They didn’t clean ANY of the bedding, and I know this because the bag I got before I left was still unopened.
I also found accidents on my floor smeared and dried out, like they barely made an attempt to clean it up and just let it dry out.
Am I the asshole if I don’t pay them? Or at least pay them minimally? They did keep them fed and hydrated but that’s basically it.
TL;DR Asked roommates to take care of pets while I was away, offered money, they did the bare minimum. I feel like they shouldn’t be paid.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TqI1dAVC6bwZB2tM5Z3Qwqx1jPYndYZk
|
9yocgn
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to my friends house",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not wanting to go to my friends house
|
So there is three of us in this short stories. Me, Friend 1 and Friends 2.
Friend 1 lives in California and Friend 2 and I live in Texas. Friend 1 is visiting for Thanksgiving (he's originally from Texas). On Sunday Friend 1 texts me saying that we were going to meet up at 6 PM on Monday (after work) and If I was ok and I agreed.
Fast forward to Monday and I have made my almost hour long commute back to my apartment (gotta love that Dallas traffic). All day I have heard nothing from Friend 1. He said that he would "let me know the plans" so being I hadn't heard anything all day from him, I assumed that plans had fallen through (as they usually do). and I'm home around 5:45 PM.
Suddenly, at 6:45 PM, I get a call from Friend 1 asking where I was and why wasn't I "here."
Me: "Where is here?"
Friend 1: "At Friend 2's house!"
Me: "Woah... since when were we meeting up at Friend 2's house?"
Friend 1: "..."
Friend 2 lives about an hour away from me and I just drove home in rush hour traffic as was tired after work. To make matters worse, Friend 2 lives about 5 min away from my office, so HAD Friend 1 actually told me the plans (that we were meeting at Friend 2's house while Friend 1 was in town) I literally could have walked to Friend 2's house he's so close to my office. I told Friend 1 that I had a long day at work and that I just drove an hour and don't want to drive back in literally the opposite direction. Am I the asshole for turning down this meet up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
N2q8egpBrB3K47VUi7Wy30jIoqTiZoWr
|
b9gquw
|
{
"description": "exposing a convicted abuser on Facebook",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I exposed a convicted abuser on Facebook?
|
Many of my family members were abused physically mentally and sexually by my grandfather (not me though). He went to jail for 6 years but is out now. I know where he lives. There's this Facebook page busting and sharing information about abusers in my country. I want to share his name but not location to them. I hate the man for what he did to my family but also I'd hate to think other children would be at risk. The reason I'd do it is spite and fear. There's very little justice in my country. However I don't want to being up bad stuff for my family. I also hear vigilante justice is a bad thing. I really want to share his information but would I be then asshole for doing so??
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
9KVrKOhcXmIcOMZEuqKfWXvHMxOe6Of9
|
b4pard
|
{
"description": "refusing to put in any more effort into my (former?) best friendship with a new mom",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for refusing to put in any more effort into my (former?) best friendship with a new mom?
|
I get that parenthood changes your life. I get that early parenthood is especially consuming. But I also feel like my BFF has completely disengaged from our friendship in any meaningful way and I’m sick of being the only one to put any effort into our friendship. I’m ready to drop the rope and when she’s ready to get out of this mommy fog that has made her so selfish (friendship wise, I think she’s a bit of a martyr Mom actually), she can reach out to me.
Some examples: She hasn’t called me in 2 years. She sends texts sometimes, but every time I call her, I get a text back about why she can’t talk. We’ve only seen each other three times in 2 years - for most of that time, we only lived 3 hours apart. She wouldn’t come to me and wouldn’t stay longer than a few hours when I came to her. Every single one of her Instagram posts now are pictures of her daughter. She rarely asks about my life and seems annoyed when I talk about my dating life. She kept trying to make plans for a girls’ weekend but would always cancel or push it off because her daughter still isn’t weaned from breastfeeding or sleeping through the night. She’s a stay-at-home Mom and just seems totally consumed by her kid. I can’t relate and I find it frustrating and sad when I just get a barrage of Mommy reasons why she can’t be a good friend.
It kind of came to a head when I asked her to call me this week and she promised she would. Then...crickets. Then an apology text that her kid has the flu. Which sucks of course but her husband can’t take the kid for 30 minutes? I’m just done.
My mom says I’m being an asshole (not her exact words but for the sake of the sub) because someday when I’m a mom I’ll understand how hard the first few years of motherhood is and I’ll wish I had cut my friend a lot more slack if and when that time comes for me (I’m not childfree, just still single). She keeps quoting the “to everthing there is a season” bible verse. Which makes me feel like an asshole, but at the same time...I’m angry and feel left behind and done.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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CwrkUQXvnhgxH9udNYRGNaWuCiZ5XZVN
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awwhz6
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{
"description": "telling my boyfriend that putting his involvement in a Kpop club on his Med school application is a bad idea",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend that putting his involvement in a Kpop club on his Med school application is a bad idea?
|
He goes to a UC and wants to pursue the medical field after his undergrad. The only club he’s involved in is this Kpop one. He’s planning to run for president of the club this year and wants to put that as one of his EC on med school applications.
I personally thought this was a bad idea because it’s mainly a social club. They have a meeting every week where they just talk about latest Kpop news and have fun. They have socials every other week (going out to eat, hang out, play games, etc.). There’s no community service aspect in the club.
I’m happy he has found his niche in his school because he struggled to find friends for the longest time. I was actually the one that told him to put himself more out there. So this club means a lot to him and I’m not surprised why he wants to run for president. However, he might not run anymore if I tell him all these things. I still want him to run because any leadership role is a great experience to have, but putting it on a med school app (for this kind of club) doesn’t sit well with me.
Do you think med schools would care? Should he just stick to his internship experiences and omit this club all together?
Tl;dr: Boyfriend wants to put his role as president in a Kpop club on his med school application, but I advised against that. AITA for telling him this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
5H57mKsxzITeASx36ezUIUL6oMoZvw5z
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a57kiz
|
{
"description": "not liking my sister in law and niece",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not liking my sister in law and niece?
|
My sister in law is married to my husbands brother, he is deaf and she is deaf, and so like most people who are deaf, the way they talk/sign is very straight forward and there's little tact involved. My BIL has no issue because he learned from his family how to talk to people with tact. After 15 years of being a part of his family, and being told that she should find better ways of saying things to not come across as rude, you would think she would learn to, but no she refuses. Like telling me when I was pregnant that I need to work out more or my husband will definitely leave me, (I was 103lbs before pregnancy and when she told me that I was 7 months and 135lbs). So it makes talking to her without getting insulted almost never happen so I try never to talk to her.
She uses her deafness to get her way no matter what. She uses the kindness of my husbands grandparents (90f and 89m) whenever she decides she wants to do something last minute. I couldn't tell you the amount of times the grandparents asked to have our kids over for the night and then I find out after dropping my kids off, she dropped her kids off for the weekend because "I just need a break" or her friends decided to go out last minute. I always ask if they would like me to pick up my kids because 4 kids for 2 elderly people is too much. At least for them. She always got her way growing up, because she was deaf and it continues now in her adulthood.
I dont like her daughter (11) because she is just like her mom but she isnt deaf. Everything has to be her way, she is rude and mean to my kids just because she is older so "she is in charge". She doesn't talk to my mother in law or father in law for whatever reason. She just stares at them. She expects her way all the time and throws a fit if she doesnt get it. I've had my kids ask to stay at their house overnight and she just goes no I dont want you to play with my stuff. Her brother on the other hand is a funny, personable little guy who I love having around.
Tl;dr, my sister in law is deaf and doesnt know how to be tactful when she speaks and uses her deafness to get her way with everything and her daughter is just like her, who isnt deaf, but still demands to get her way and is rude to everyone.
AITA for seriously disliking my SIL and niece?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
IDEVpsAs1s0c9kqC5y7ozUflwRBJJo4j
|
b8itk2
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{
"description": "not telling him I have a date with someone else",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I don’t tell him I have a date with someone else?
|
TL;DR: I had a few dates with guy 1 (nothing happened in terms of kisses etc), and now want to go out with a guy I met on Tinder whom I just found out is in the same sports team as guy 1. I am insecure whether I should tell guy1 about that because I think he already knows I don’t want to be with him.
So a couple of weeks ago I started dating this guy. We went out twice before I confessed to him I was feeling insecure about the whole thing because I still had feelings for someone else who had just recently rejected me. He said he could understand that and if I ever wanted to meet him again I could just call him. A few weeks passed and my feelings for the other person floated away and I called him again. We had two more dates and I realised that...I am just not feeling comfortable in his near.
On our last date we were watching Netflix and he tried to cuddle with me and I was just like “meh...please don’t”. Eversince that we haven’t been texting much, I think he can tell that I am just not really into him.
Out of boredom I started texting with a guy on Tinder, and we two instantly got along quite well. He asked me out and I agreed. Now I found out, he is in the same sports team as is the other guy I was/am dating. This was PURELY out of luck, I had no idea guy 2 is in the same sports team as guy 1. My best friend, whom is coincidentally also in this sports team, told me I NEED to be upfront to guy 1 that I will be having my first date with one of his teammates.
My original idea was to have the date with guy 2, and tell guy 1 something along the lines of: “hey I think you have already noticed I don’t really have feelings for you and I am sorry etc. and I had a date last night with someone else. I hope you find someone for you, I am sorry I couldn’t be that person.” But my best friend says guy 1 is definitely going to ask her whom I met with and THEN he is going to be mad as hell when he finds out.
I don’t really know what to do. Nothing ever happened between guy 1 and me (in terms of kisses, cuddling, sex), so I feel like...he already knows I don’t want to be with him. Should I tell him “hey my date is with one of your teammates?” Bc then he is definitely going to think I was “getting in touch” with guy 2 behind his back.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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9xj4az
| null |
AITA in this uhm. situation that i can't seem to describe in the title
|
Okay, so this revolves around me [15f] and a former friend of mine [16m]. I just read all that I've wrote and it's kind of all over the place, sorry. We were friends for about 3 years, I think we became friends around early 7th grade (sophomores currently). Right off the bat, the power dynamic between us was weighted pretty heavily in my favor, to the point where we were constantly compared to a mother and son. I gave him advice, I worried for his future (he almost never went to school and had an awful GPA), I tried to help him with schoolwork... I basically ran his life. I know that this is largely my fault, since I tend to be a bit controlling, but I also know that I did not want be in this situation and repeatedly tried to get out of it.
I'm also fairly sure that he had feelings for me from the moment we started hanging out, which were unrequited. It was confirmed that he was romantically interested in me about 3 months ago, by a mutual friend who came forward and told me that he talked about me near constantly. In response to this I told him that I did not reciprocate his feelings very bluntly, and he replied in a way that suggested he would move on. Since then, he had been increasingly rude and mean to me. He would insult me, try to embarrass me in public by telling my friends secrets about me and shame my habits and interests. When I confronted him about this, he told me that he had just "picked up" my habits, implying that I did the same to him. I understood why he would say that since I have been told I go to far with teasing people, but I know that I had never been that bad to him.
About 2 months ago, after a slight argument about something I've forgotten in a group chat, I said he and another friend were "the highest maintenance people I have ever met in my fucking life" and left the chat. I immediately felt sorry for saying such a thing and texted him personally that I was sorry. He then called me "emotionally abusive" and essentially just called me a terrible person and stuff like that. I told him that I didn't want to be friends anymore, and he seemed sorry after I said that, but I was done. He texted me a few days later asking if I'd cooled off but I said I didn't want to talk to him. I thought we would just drift out of each other's lives from there on, but I guess not
When school resumed after summer break (just a couple of days later) he begun talking about me to everyone I know, everyone he knows, in every class, in every conversation, even to teachers. He called me a cunt, a bitch, a whore, but it all centered around me being an abusive maniac at my core. He told our mutual friends that associating with me would make them "a cunt too". I eventually came up to him in person and told him to get over me and stop saying the things he was, and for a week or two, he's been quiet.
Do you think he was right in calling me these things? I do feel bad for controlling him as much as I was, but I also think he was just using me so I would date him later down the road.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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aebfi5
|
{
"description": "\"snitching\" on my roommate for smoking in our apartment",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA if I "snitched" on my roommate for smoking in our apartment.
|
Okay so for context, we live in a 2 person apartment in a duplex, that we're renting from an old couple who are gone to Florida for the duration of our school year. Their son lives upstairs and takes care of yardwork and such. My roommate (21M) has been going through a rough patch recently since his girlfriend dumped him and a family feud that's been going in for a little over 2 months. With all this going on he started smoking again, which is completely fine because many people smoke and it's whatever. The problem is that we live in Canada and it gets pretty cold outside and he is an international student from a much warmer country. However, he's been to british boarding schools or something like that and is pretty culturally western. Anyways, as it's been getting colder, he started smoking in his room and even in the living room. I asked him politely if he could keep smoking outside, to which he replied "that's too inconvenient because it's getting cold." My resolution to this was to get him to ask our landlord whether it was okay or not to smoke inside and he agreed to this. It's been about a month since and he hadn't talked to her yet.
The day after I got back from home for the holidays I asked him if he talked to our landlord yet. He said that he hadn't but had asked their son and he said was fine. I thought it was odd but gave him the benefit of the doubt.
.I decided I've had enough of it because I can't stand the lingeing smell, the health affects it could potentially have on me or even our landlords when they move back in at the end of our lease, and my possible liability for any damages/contract clauses caused by his smoking. Today, I texted our landlord myself. She wasn't very pleased so I let him know that she doesn't want him smoking in tbe apartment. He freaked out at me for snitching on him.
In my opinion, just the fact that he used the word snitching implies that he knew it wasn't okay in the first place. What do you guys think? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
d6afRWORUqNgqSRrJSxNdPd5pBlka99i
|
axrubf
|
{
"description": "not being able to handle this very uninteresting situation",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being able to handle this very uninteresting situation?
|
I have been with my SO for 3 years. Last year one of his friends from his hometown was getting married and invited him to the wedding. Without any explanations he said that I could not come. This invitation was made 6 month before the wedding, so it was not due to the difficulties of organisation. I have never met this friend before, nor his fiancée, so no personal disagreement could take place. My SO have probably shared some details of our relationship with his friend, but I can’t think of anything that could have influenced me being not invited. It was probably simply due to the fact that they wanted to limit the number of guests.
Shortly after the invitation my SO goes to the bachelor party (here it normally takes the form of a travel to another country with partying, strip clubs and other stuff). I’d basically be cool with that, but it seamed really weird to me: normally if you’re close enough to the groom to go to this bachelor trip, you have the right to bring a +1 to the wedding. But it still can be explained in a 100 different ways.
The only thing I can’t handle is the fact that since the wedding was being planned, my SO started going out with this group of friends, and I, given that I have never met anyone and have not been invited to the wedding, whereas all their parties are thrown around the wedding (preparations, planning, bachelor stuff, meet the groom after the wedding so that he announces the baby coming etc), don’t come as I’m being very uncomfortable with the situation.
What bothers me is the fact that my SO does not do anything to make me feel comfortable, he simply leaves, parties, drinks and says that it’s not his problem that I don’t feel comfortable to come or did not have an occasion to meet his friends.
I know that if someone did something similar on my side I’d simply and gently refuse to come to the wedding without my SO as I find it not cool. Or at least I’d do my best to include him and make him feel better. So AITA for being angry with my SO and not making an effort despite being uncomfortable?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
gkDLskPZ04varhjNehxDAAwsarwqi3cD
|
9y0kp9
|
{
"description": "sort of storming out of my friend's house and disliking being around people who are high or drunk",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for sort of storming out of my friend's house and disliking being around people who are high or drunk?
|
AITA Drugs and alcohol make me really uncomfortable I'm not sure why. I get panicky and end up wanting to hide. I do have anxiety so it may be that. My family also has a bad history of drug and alcohol use which may be the reason why but I don't think that is of any importance. Anyways onto the story I was at my friends house really late with a couple of good friends when my friend who owns the house got a call from another group I don't know (but my friends knew them) to see if she had sprinkles she said yes and they asked if they could come to get them. So they arrive, and they are... very clearly high. This instantly made me uncomfortable, but I tried to hide it so I wouldn't bring down the mood. My good friend saw right through it and asked if I was alright I said yeah just a bit uncomfortable. She asked if I wanted to leave and I said no its okay because I was trying to be polite (if I could go back to when this happened I would have said yes) anyways I got really uncomfortable when they started getting a bit touchy with each other and asked my parents to come to pick me up. When they arrive all I could think about was getting out of there as fast as possible, so I stormed out went home and cried myself to sleep. I woke up and felt horrible about storming out and making everyone worried so I apologized to all of them and I thought that was the end of it. However, every time we are now together they bring it up and say how I need to be more accepting of alcohol and drugs and people who use them and it makes me feel guilty. Am I in the wrong here? is this an irrational fear I need to get over? Am I the asshole?
TLDR: I'm afraid of drugs and alcohol I stormed out of my friend's house after feeling extremely uncomfortable with it I kind of stormed out and apologized the morning after. I thought it was over, but my friends keep bringing it up and telling me I need to accept drugs and alcohol more. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
vyUOYV2Mhoh6KzjSbMLfDMbD3qilsAqs
|
azkkhz
|
{
"description": "stealing from a store that overcharged me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
WIBTA if I stole from a store that overcharged me?
|
Some context: I have never stolen anything, or even asked for a cup of water and then filled it up with soda, or anything like that. But this time I feel like it's maybe justified.
I was in a grocery store and felt like treating myself, so when I saw this brand of cookies I really liked on sale for $1.50, I decided to buy them. When I went to pay, I thought my total ended up being a bit high, but the line was so long and everybody had already been waiting for so long that I decided not to hold up the line since it was probably nothing. Then, when I got to my car, I unfortunately forgot to double-check the receipt, which is on me. At home the next day, I found the receipt in my pocket and checked it, then found out that they charged me $4.00. I don't know if the register glitched or something, because below the name of the cookies, it even said that they should have been $1.50, but then the number next to it said $4.00. That is so much to spend on a single box of cookies that were already kind of a splurge. I would let it go if they overcharged me by $.50 or even a dollar, but the thought of paying $2.50 extra is making me feel so guilty.
However, the store in question is kind of far away since I had stopped by it on the way back from another place, and is not my normal store, so it would cost me that much in gas to go back and get my money back. The next time I'll be up there is in a couple weeks. WIBTA if I took 1-2 dollars worth of pens or candy or something to even it out, or should I just eat the cost and take it as a lesson to double-check the receipt in the store? Either option is making me feel terrible, so I appreciate any input.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
FyafeNaIbKUtnidGVeDE6Nr37ZUN1Rbh
|
aqk9uj
|
{
"description": "not wanting to have sex with my wife while she's on her period",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to have sex with my wife while she’s on her period?
|
So, it’s Valentine’s Day and my wife and I have been planning a romantic night together for weeks. Unfortunately she has started her period but she doesn’t want that to ruin things. Being an adult male, I’ve had my experiences with sex during periods in earlier relationships and they aren’t pleasant memories. With that in mind, I told my wife it’s not really something I’m too enthusiastic about but she says it isn’t a big deal. Am I the asshole for not wanting to have sex with my wife during Valentine’s Day because she’s on her period?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
AucNyHYOOA5TLN562UHev4fStVNWaXqg
|
ajypdf
|
{
"description": "fighting to have my friend that associates with an ememy of my roommate's over",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for fighting to have my friend that associates with an ememy of my roommate's over?
|
My friend (C) was sold out for selling marijuana by a prior friend of his, (K) and was given a felony charge along with all the other ramifications that come with that.
I moved in with C about a year ago, and it was clear he did not like my closest friend (S) due to S having been romantically involved with C in the past and C now having a long term girlfriend who lives with us. He tolerated S's presences, but was uncomfortable with her being around. His girlfriend has never has a problem with S.
This week, C was informed that S was friends with and communicating with K on Facebook. He told me I was not to have S around because of this, as C is still doing the same business he has in the past.
I have stated that I know S, trust her implicitly, and know she would not tell K anything involving other people, especially not anything like this. C has retained his position, and I dropped it.
The lease for the rental is not in either of our names officially, but the landlord has told me I am the one who she considers it under. I pay exactly as much as C does for rent, utilities, and other bills here, and I don't believe banning S is fair or effective.
I want to have S over.. The way I see it, if S wanted to make something like this a problem, she already could have. We aren't moving, so she still has all the information on C's business and location, regardless of this ban. If anything, S would have more incentive to get C in trouble, although she has not and would not consider that an option because she's genuinely a good person. I've been her friend for about 9 years.
WIBTA by confronting C and demanding to be allowed to have S over?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
JwjILXuo4PeNTxpQH9Vum2kNovxio9vi
|
9w3fv4
|
{
"description": "dumping all of my mental problems on my friend constantly",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for dumping all of my mental problems on my friend constantly?
|
(Obligatory throwaway account disclaimer.)
I have a lot of mental health problems (depression, anxiety, gender dysphoria, etc) and over the past couple of days or so they’ve gotten bad to the point where I’m pretty much constantly in danger of overdosing or offing myself in some other way. (please don’t offer sympathy or whatever, that’s not what this is about) For the most part I’ve been keeping my brain in check by bombarding one of my close friends with all of the suicidal shit for multiple hours a day, and it’s kinda been the only thing keeping me going. I feel terrible for wasting all of her time with all of my stupid problems though, especially since she’s the only one who really knows how bad I’ve gotten recently because I’m too scared to tell my parents or my therapist about it and know that I don’t deserve people’s sympathy or assistance. I wish that I never told her about how bad I am so she wouldn’t have to deal with it, but now that I have the cat’s out of the bag so to speak and it won’t go back in.
I’ve had thoughts about lying about getting better and then slowly stopping replying to messages in an effort to get her to stop worrying about me, because it feels like I’m a huge burden and that I’m never gonna get better and feel actual happiness anyway, so there’s no point in dragging people down to my level. I know she says that she wants to help and that she cares about me, but I can’t believe that another person honestly cares about me and I just want to let her not have to worry about me anymore.
Do you guys agree that it would be a good idea for me to cut myself out of her life so I won’t be an issue anymore? Hoping for genuine honesty here, please none of the “I’m sure she cares about you” shit.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
BVjSk4JDvjgljKTa4bUuZD73sWPszTFE
|
apbooz
|
{
"description": "cutting off a friendship after romantic drama",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for cutting off a friendship after romantic drama?
|
Hey all, I've sat in judgment of several questions in this sub, now it's my turn to be judged.
Story: My wife and I are monogamous. A few years ago, we joined an IRL community that meets on Sundays. We're not religious but we didn't have any friends after moving from the town where we met, and we found a non-religious community that was welcoming. A TON of the people in the community are polyamorous. We'd never been exposed to that. At the time, we knew that wasn't for us - it didn't bother us, but we had too many years of thinking that serious relationships are only monogamous for us just to overcome decades of living a certain way that fast. We did talk a lot with each other about it, which led to us being more open with each other about crushes (a good thing, IMO).
I struck up a friendship on Facebook with a friend of my best friend. We started off just sending memes and chatting about news and other stuff. She said we should get dinner sometime. Now's a great time for me to say that after years of being completely monogamous, I am Naive. As. Hell. I didn't read any romantic overtones into her saying that, so my response was basically "Sure! Next time you're in town, we can hang!" She let me know a couple months later that she was going to be in town, and asked me to dinner. I said "Sure! Can \[mutual friend\], my wife, and my kid come too? We all like \[the restaurant she wanted to go to\]!" She said that was totally okay.
After the dinner, she messaged and asked if we were polyamorous, and put forward that she was attracted to me. I showed it to my wife immediately, and she helped me draft a response: "Flirting isn't illegal, but it won't go anywhere with me, and we're really not poly."
Well, she did take us at our word and kept flirting. I'd keep telling my wife, and she just said "I'd rather you not flirt back, but if it makes you feel good that she's flirting, I'm okay with it." I told this lady as much, and for a few more months, it kept up that way. I checked in with my wife, and that's when my wife said "Do you want to flirt back?" I said "I have to admit, I really like her, and the flirting is pretty fun." My wife gave the go-ahead, and even offered to help me flirt if I wasn't sure what to say. I was over the moon.
There's no question that I was the asshole at this point: Having zero experience flirting in over a decade, I took it over the line into outright sexting. No pics, but me and the lady I was flirting with had covered pretty much all the ground in texts. There was a point at which I realized I'd fucked up, and came clean to my wife about it on my own. She was really, really, rightfully pissed. I took what was coming, stayed in my doghouse, and worked to make it up to my wife. Wife told me that she felt partially responsible for greenlighting everything, but not staying as involved as she felt she could have, and that I shouldn't just dump my flirt. Wife said we could keep in contact, but to keep it strictly G-rated.
That lasted all of two days before the lady I was flirting with made a sexual comment about me being sensitive to one of her phobias, saying "The fact that you care about this stuff really turns me on." Remembering the doghouse, I immediately blew the whistle and told my wife, and she shut everything down. I went with it, remembering my fuckups from before. Before I cut communications, I'd told the lady I was flirting with that I hoped we could stay friends, that there was a lot I thought we had in common, platonically, and that even though she made a clear mistake, I still thought we should be friends. Her response was "you shouldn't stay friends with me." Normally, I'd leave it at that, but I knew that the lady I'd been flirting with had a history of depression and found the darkness a little too easily at times. I told her I wasn't going to just abandon her.
Then, my wife said she was just done with all this drama, and had cut communications, and that she really wanted me to do the same. Again, remembering my fuckups, I didn't feel like I was in a position to argue, so I cut ties...but I really wonder if that was an asshole move after I'd told her everything I did about not abandoning her. So, my judges, AITA for going back on my word?
TL;DR - Married, monogamous dude gets permission from wife to flirt, it goes too far, wife shuts it down, flirtee crosses a line, dude basically promises flirtee not to abandon her, circumstances prevail and dude breaks promise, and now wonders if he ITA.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
9SRgJj4T0wDyhvj5RMQRun7hDBKyxbOB
|
atxb1q
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to wake his kid up to come get me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to wake his kid up to come get me
|
My boyfriend has a 7 year old son. I’ve met his son but I usually do not go over to his house when they’re together so I don’t interfere with their bonding time.
Last night my car broke down on my way home from work. I called AAA and they told me they’d have a tow out in the next few hours. We live in a very rural area so the road was not well lit nor were there a lot of people going by and it made me very nervous.
I called my boyfriend and asked if he could come get me because I was scared. He said no because his son was sleeping and he didn’t want to wake him up.
I know the situation isn’t ideal, and I wouldn’t expect him to do this for me for really any other situation, but I felt like that was a moment when I needed him to come through for me and he didn’t. I was scared and needed support and felt abandoned. AITA for asking him to wake up his son for me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
m5bXXeXEelM0xfqERgjtACZvp9RRclg1
|
adrbuw
|
{
"description": "talking to her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for talking to her?
|
Met a girl at work about a month ago. We hit it off right away, and one thing led to the next and we ended up sexting. She’s been married for about three years I believe. What is reddit’s judgement on the ethics? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
nOn69rVGGcTAAFYs8jEad4dAs6niz6gh
|
b737ss
| null |
AITA for the way i dress?
|
i'll keep it short and sweet
i'm a guy and i have been in a relationship with this girl for 1,5 years now and she's great and i love her. But recently we got in an argument about the way i dress. She says that the way i dress is hideous and way too emo but i don't really think so. She says my favorite outfit is the worst; it's black jeans, a pink sus boy x lil peep shirt and a black jacket. she also told me she despises my black and pink socks which i love. she told me that if i would'nt dress more like an adult that she was gonna break up with me. Btw i am 19 and she is 18.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
lGd4sPFG0lN8wUMEcPsFAttQ9Ym8AqW2
|
b9e8g3
|
{
"description": "not coming over to help my gf with the cops",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not coming over to help my GF with the cops?
|
Lately at my girlfriend's apartment there has been a rowdy neighbor who plays loud music past midnight, even on weekdays.
A couple weeks ago I was forced to call the cops on the neighbour after he refused to answer the door to talk. I then told my gf that I would call the cops and come over to talk to the cops, if this should happen again.
A couple days ago, the neighbour was playing loud music AGAIN, while me and my GF were chatting online. My GF has said that she has already slept through his music many times before, so I asked her if it was loud enough that I need to come over. This is because I've been working 12 hours a day for the entire week including that day. If she said it was too bad to ignore, I fully intended to go over and call the cops.
She then blew up, saying she was really hurt that my first instinct was not to go immediately go over and call the cops. She's been actively ignoring me in the couple times we've met since, saying this is the worst I've ever hurt her.
AITA for not immediately coming over?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
kKbzbDWpobvzGOiIc40edRiXExLYWWS9
|
aacx43
|
{
"description": "wanting my parents to pay me back like they promised",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my parents to pay me back like they promised?
|
My parents paid for all of my brother's tuition and they have been paying for mine too. I took summer classes (around ~$5,000.00) and they had just put an addition on their house so they asked me to pay it and they'd promise to pay me back. I have a really stressful job that I work while going to school and I work really hard and save most of my money. I'm planning on moving out of my small town after college and my parents are unsupportive of that so I want to be able to save as much as possible so I don't have to rely on anyone.
So I took that money out of my savings to pay for the classes. But now, six months later (I kept giving them time) they say that they're not going to pay me back and that I should be grateful that they even pay for my schooling and that I should be paying for it to begin with since I have a job (there's no way I could afford it). AITA for wanting to be paid back since they originally promised they would?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ab61sUkx99gbfo9i6wnPOMIAiYRcaxaJ
|
b5p8cs
|
{
"description": "not supporting my daughter getting married in a church",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 31
}
|
AITA for not supporting my daughter getting married in a church?
|
She is an atheist. She has been vocally an atheist since early high school. She is getting married this year to a Christian man who wants to get married in a church, and I cannot support it.
She plans to lie to the priest and say she's Christan. She is going to smile and say she was married under a God she does not believe in. I hate it.
I will go. I will attend the wedding, but I told her if she goes ahead with a church or a priest that I will not support it. I will not discuss her wedding with her and I definitely will not contribute any money.
She is now considering a courthouse wedding, but said that her fiance is disappointed because even though it's not her religion, it is his. AITA for saying that I won't support them if they have a wedding in a church?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 31,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 31
}
|
WRONG
|
GIRUK9oip81KwP3iaU7R6P3kqcNKVOZf
|
b5r007
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to pay half my birth control",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA If I ask my boyfriend to pay half my birth control?
|
So, I (24 F) am planning on changing my birth control. I'm currently on the combine pill which costs about €12 a month. We've been dating for about 7 months and are currently living together. However, the pill affects my mood terribly and really spikes my depression and anxiety to the point where it sometimes makes me non-functional.
So I'm planning on changing to the contraception bar. This is for three years and is 99.9% effective. However, it costs roughly about €400-450 total once off payment including implantation. This is quite a spike and I could do with the help to pay but I make about €300 more a month in wages so I feel bad asking him to pay half. I know if I'd ask he'd give it no bother, but in the general grand scheme is it an asshole move?
Will I be the asshole if I ask him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
PYf2oVZ6fkmULW20axMtnQGBQ0h1pvWj
|
b0z5ud
|
{
"description": "disliking my brother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Aita for disliking my brother?
|
I am the third oldest in a family of 5, my younger brother is 11. I will be 18 soon. Anyways onward to the story. Whenever we have a vacation my little brother has to find something to cause trouble with. For instance last year he peed on one of the waiters at this (kinda fancy) sit down restaurant. A few days ago my brother wanted to ride my dog and she growled at him, then he kicked her cause she as he said 'she tried to bite me!' And just today I was supposed to go to the dentist but I can't cause he needs to have a check up because he threw up last night. I feel like the whole family has to work for this kid and I just wanna know am I being a jerk for really really not liking him?
Am on mobile sorry for spelling and/or other mistakes.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
n1LCG7OKEdODVL9SoCIHO7kghmRwwBY1
|
b2oyg2
|
{
"description": "having a secret set of utensils because my roommate is absolutely terrible at cleaning \"our\" set",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for having a secret set of utensils because my roommate is absolutely terrible at cleaning "our" set?
|
Basically, I have my own secret utensils because my roommate is terrible at cleaning "ours". He barely does dishes so I'm actually thinking of buying secret plates and bowls and cups too.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
tuKXXspS4H55rb2CAlZcnwi7zz27ybPA
|
acsvn6
|
{
"description": "getting pissed at my friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting pissed at my friend
|
This happened yesterday morning, my friend woke me up with a text message telling me I should "get together" with a friend of this girl he met online. At first I was confused about who and what he was talking about. He explained he met this girl on Yubo an got talking with her about random stuff. At some point they must've started talking about me (idk if this is the case) because he started texting her friend about me. I feel a little uneasy about this situation but because he's been my best friend since 2012 I let it slide. At this point he's telling me this girl is cute and I should get with her.
I should point out that this girl is located in China. If it were in New Zealand I may have considered it okay because it would be possible to meet this girl.
I tell him that I didn't want to talk to her because of this, he responds with "it only takes a minute to get to know someone." At this point I started getting pissed because I've said no about it multiple times at this point. He gets pissed as well and says that I should at least talk to her. From here I explain that I have no interest in "e-dating" or whatever the fuck it's called and that I had no interest in talking to a complete stranger over Facebook. (Idk if that's weird or not because I dont like talking to strangers on Facebook.)
It's at this point he gets pissed about it and basically says whatever.
Come to this morning I find out he's told her my snapchat username and god knows what else. I confront him about this and he claims he told her my info yesterday. I dont believe him and I'm pissed, so that brings me to the verdict: am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
3gJ7Yoeab05ZvC5oBdLAWEinLLheIRvr
|
ankpfj
|
{
"description": "asking a lady to quit smoking near me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking a lady to quit smoking near me?
|
So every day I go to work and park in a parking garage. I'm a couple floors up so I have to walk down the stairwell to get to the bottom floor then walk about 1/4 mile to my building.
I get to work everyday at almost the exact same time as another lady who; parks near me, uses the same stairwell, and smokes the entire way from her car to the building.
Tbh the garage is open enough that the smoke doesn't bother me until we get to the stairwell, at which point it's like the smoke just gathers and I can't breathe.
Several days ive waited a couple minutes for her to go on so I didn't have to be around it, but today I lost my mind.
I'm not a confrontational person but I had enough of the smoke and when we were walking down the stairwell I told her I can't breathe when she smokes in there.
She stone cold looked at me, took a big puff and blew it my direction. I was maybe 6-8 ft away so it wasn't directly in my face, but as she walked off it made me wonder did I violate her liberty or is she violating mine?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
8U0lD5FKC0pE6anFkGOYdiuRxvchCaMw
|
9ysj8l
|
{
"description": "cleaning up after my dog poops in a neighbors yard",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cleaning up after my dog poops in a neighbors yard?
|
Hi Folks, first time potential asshole here, this occurred yesterday:
My spouse and I recently moved into a new neighborhood. It's been great as we now have a yard for our 1.5 year old dog to run around in. As it's getting cooler though, in the mornings I've stopped letting him out there on his own since he will run through grass that has condensation from the cool night on it. It makes his paws wet and then he gallops through our unfinished parts of the yard and gets muddy. What I've been doing is taking him on a leashed walk through the neighborhood to stretch his legs.
Come to yesterday morning. I'm walking him down our street which ends in a cul-de-sac. We get about five houses down from ours and a neighbor is getting in their car. They see us walking up and kindly let us walk by before they pull out of their driveway. We continue on passing a few more houses and rounding the end of the street when my dog does what he does best, lays a steamer in a different neighbors yard. I'm always prepared for this and have a baggie ready, I pick up the poop and am tying off the bag. As I turn around the neighbor from before has pulled up to me in their car and says:
"We don't like it when dogs poop in our yards, no one around here does. Take them somewhere else to do that, like the dog park"
I try to explain that's difficult when I work normal day hours and dog parks are not nearby. They don't seem to want to hear me and drive off.
I was in shock, this neighbor had stayed in their car for a few minutes to, supposedly, watch me walk my dog and then bring this up to me right as they watched me bag the deed. I completely agree that you shouldn't leave your dogs business in someone's yard, but I thought it was a normal practice that it's OK as long as you pick up after them.
PS: We live in a neighborhood with no HOA, but not sure that matters.
So, AITA?
​
TL;DR I let my dog poop in a nieghbors yard and as I was picking up the poop a separate neighbor told me to have my dog poop somewhere else.
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ALJ90gIke96vSAFhq8sIxmXwriQu7pNK
|
a1ym6x
|
{
"description": "agreeing to date my so just so we would stop fighting",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for agreeing to date my SO just so we would stop fighting?
|
My SO (24 M) and I (21 F) started out as really good friends at first. He was a really cool guy and we hit it off. We spent a lot of time together, and he confessed he had feelings for me. However, I told him that I prefer women (I’m bisexual), and he lost it. He got mad at me for leading him on, which I won’t deny, because I didn’t explicitly say no. He did say he had a crush on me, but I was vague about it. I told him it was okay that he felt that way, but I didn’t outrun say I didn’t feel the same.
After I rejected him, he became suicidal and would constantly corner me, telling me that it was my fault that he wanted to kill himself, and kept berating me. Every time we spoke, it would always fall back to me rejecting him. We couldn’t even say one word before we started fighting over it. I wanted to tell him it was emotionally manipulative, but he said I was no better(which I think he’s right. Giving him hope was a shitty thing to do.) It was taking its toll on me, and it got to the point where my own mental health was taking a hit. So during yet another fight, I told him I did feel something for him.
He was elated and the fighting stopped, and we began dating. I told myself that I would fall in love with him gradually over time, but I’m not feeling anything more than friendship. It’s been six months. And if I end it, it’s right back to the fighting and him threatening to kill himself because I led him on and don’t want to date him.
AMITA for saying yes and lying to his face? Or for not being straightforward from the get-go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
bp84zJ0hz5f2c5jOscuVbVnT4iAuX7pz
|
9z4u3o
|
{
"description": "continuing to get angry and possibly break up with my gf for constantly wearing other guys clothes",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA [20M] for continuing to get angry and possibly break up with my GF [18F] for constantly wearing other guys clothes?
|
Me 20M has been dating a girl 18F for about 6 months now. Things have been going well, but throughout the whole relationship she’s been borrowing her guy friends clothes and constantly wearing them. Hoodies, sweatpants, shirts, doesn’t matter. She always does this, she always has, but within the last two weeks I have told her that it bothers me that she continues to do this. She said it’s understandable and that she would stop, but now she has continued to do it without me knowing. I confronted her on this and she said that she hasn’t borrowed and new clothes, which is true that she said she would stop, but she is still wearing them. Would I be the asshole if I continued to get upset and possibly end the relationship over this?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
VBrH35fdadReCoMTf64AoIXoy3pmpoQI
|
b6k40b
|
{
"description": "feeling hurt by my family ignoring my abusive mother's treatment of me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling hurt by my family ignoring my abusive mother’s treatment of me?
|
Long story short. My mother was physically and mentally abusive to me from my earliest memories. She hit, kicked, screamed at and talked shit about me non-stop. I knew she hated me, and I thought it was my fault.
Years later, some family drama takes place. I went NC with mother as soon as I left the house, but the rest of my family did not. During this dramatic turn, I am appalled to hear my sibs and father wax rhapsodic about how wonderful mother was. I tried to ignore it, but it just kept getting piled higher and deeper. Finally I sorta growled “She was an evil, abusive old woman trying to buy her way into heaven.”
Holy shit, everyone lost it on me. Even my little brother, who I’ve talked to about this in the past, was like “I don’t agree with you, your experience was different than mine.” No kidding, Mr Golden Child.
Am I the asshole for feeling like my family is still making excuses for mother, and treating me like I’m wrong to feel the way I do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
efVqsngacZuXXl6OZiMD7PE7IIEQ6anF
|
acalu3
|
{
"description": "not wanting to share a baby shower",
"pronormative_score": 78,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to share a baby shower?
|
My husband and I (31 M and 28 F) tried for a few years to get pregnant. We are both college graduates, settled and already have a nice, two bedroom apartment in an area we love. This year, it finally happened. Two of my aunts are throwing me a baby shower to celebrate.
That said, my 13 year old cousin recently announced that she too is expecting. Again- this child is in the eighth grade. Against all better judgement and even the option to give the baby up for adoption to a close family member who so desperately want a child, she has decided that she is going to keep and raise the baby herself with her ninth grade boyfriend.
My other aunt —her mom— started throwing a fit about her sisters throwing me a shower (even to the point of telling me she hopes I miscarry so she doesn’t have to go to this @&!? Party after all...) and says that if we’re going to have a party we should have a joint shower so my cousin doesn’t feel left out and judged by the family while we are celebrating my baby.
This branch of my family is vile, crude, mean-spirited and almost always drunk and I really don’t want them mixing with my amazing in-laws and tainting this day to make it all about them, as they did with my wedding. (Whole other story!)
My aunts have left it up to me to decide if I want to share or if they should throw a separate party for her later on.
AITA for not wanting to share this celebration of my child and this new phase of my adult life with a Middle Schooler who honestly shouldn’t be procreating in the first place?
(Not here for abortion debates, please and thank you. It’s after that point anyways.)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 77,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 78,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
vCP6hkJlLhBQFUSOsRqgXKgKtH8Oypa8
|
a0b0tz
| null |
AITA: Purposefully unplugging a Plug Pirate
|
I was at the mall doing my thing for Black Friday, and I get a notification on my phone that the charge on my EV was disrupted.
I was like okay, that's strange. So I pay for my shit and walk outside to my car to make sure it's okay. And there it is....
The car next to me disconnected my car (I was pretty lucky to get the free port) from my car and ran it to his!!
He was also parked in an EV spot with a Pay Charger!! But instead of paying a couple bucks for a charge, he disconnected my car!
So I unplugged his car. I put it back into the port on the wall and drove off.
Screw you dude.
Reddit, an I an asshole?
And is Plug Piracy a thing now???
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
8SZzXCWEZhf2uiuRRemAIeAW3C0HekPd
|
asd8c9
|
{
"description": "saying black history month is not a holiday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for saying black history month is not a holiday?
|
We had decorations for St Patrick's day up at work already and when I saw a couple of colleagues taking them down I asked why. They stated that it was still February, and they didn't have black history month decorations, but now they did.
All I said was "black history month isn't a holiday". That was all. But there was a black woman standing there (I am white, if it matters) and she was offended, and claimed black history month should be celebrated all month long. I absolutely do not care, I simply said it wasn't a holiday.
Judge me bitches, because I don't get it, and if I need to address my behavior, I will.
Edit: a lot of you seen to think I have some vested interest in St Paddy's day, I don't. It's not a holiday either.
Edit: Reddit had passed judgement and I am an asshole. There were some interesting points made and you have given me some things to think about. Until next time...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
Li10PtXyv8WIqEn0DGMD8gfuSC0AwQHr
|
b6ngl9
|
{
"description": "hating being told \"my pleasure\" by chik-fil-a employees and therefore not saying thank you",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for hating being told "my pleasure" by chik-fil-a employees and therefore not saying thank you?
|
I don't like the fake response that comes everytime I order at this particular chain. I used to work in fast food and was trained to be the opposite of this and just say hey. In order to avoid hearing " my pleasure" I always end things by telling the cashier to have a nice day. Is it rude to leave out the thank you even though I still want to be nice?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
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