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Nr9sPp6B1z1nNcgYsAB8FA3FFXQa4pFX
|
at6eww
|
{
"description": "telling my parents I don't want to be part of Catholicism anymore",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I told my parents I don’t want to be part of Catholicism anymore?
|
Im 16 years old. I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that religion is kind of not my thing. I respect their choice of believing in god and their faith and everything like that but I just don’t feel like it’s really necessary for me to carry on with being catholic. I’m told that you feel like a completely new person after going to church and being blessed and everything like that. I feel like the same person before and after church. I don’t want to do this but I’m scared of upsetting my parents because they are really strong believers in the catholic fate. I asked her (hypothetically) what she would do if I didn’t want to carry on and she told me she’d weep and ask god to forgive me. She’d feel devistated if I gave everything up like that. I plan on telling them but I’m not so sure now.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
0MNJBNi3ZTwWjhGqkq6crIX0H1TQFOxS
|
b4qz1v
|
{
"description": "calling out a guy who parked like an asshole",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out a guy who parked like an asshole
|
So earlier this evening, I pulled into a plaza with barely any parking spots left. An SUV (brand is irrelevant, IDGAF if you drive a Ford or a Porsche) was parked at a deliberate angle across two parking spots and the owner happened to be chatting with someone in another car a few spots down. As I walked past him, I very briefly pointed out to him (not aggressively) that he didn't do a very good job parking his car.
Guy got defensive and visibly made an effort to try intimidating me with his body language and saying shit like I should 'mind my own business', and that I should be careful about potentially getting hurt.
I told the guy I intended to walk away, and as I proceeded to do so, I could hear him saying random shit under his breath; guy in the other car saying some more stupid shit I also don't give a crap about...
So. Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KhZgAf8n9cLK4tWTiUMoP65XZ2eEzo59
|
ayvrdj
|
{
"description": "eating all the cheese in the break room",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for eating all the cheese in the break room?
|
I work at a media company. Because of frequent client meetings etc, there is often free food leftover for employees in the break room.
Side notes:
1. I'm a vegetarian.
2. The office doesn't have a cafeteria per se, but it has a food truck show up every day for lunch.
3. On any given week, 2, at most 3 of the food trucks will have a vegetarian entree as an option.
4. The other day we had a mandatory 2 hour meeting during lunch. Lunch was provided for the staff. You guessed it -- nothing but meat sandwiches (from a restaurant that makes a pretty great veggie sandwich, I might add).
Back to the story and requested judgment. Today, wonder of wonders! There was food leftover from a client meeting that I could eat: a rather delightful charcuterie board with several cheeses, blueberries, and honey. Given that I've literally never gotten to partake of the free food perk of this job and have indeed been shafted food-wise on a weekly basis, I felt righteous as I literally took the entire charcuterie board to my desk and devoured it.
AITA for doing so?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
e3YSwzeMjJSXqddyYjhKRJK6yGlwFXfG
|
anssjm
|
{
"description": "secretly feeling relieved that my colleagues failed",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for secretly feeling relieved that my colleagues failed?
|
Merely by typing the title, I feel like I am. But I can't change how I feel. I decided to share this because I'm curious about your opinion.
The company I'm working for has a recruiting program going on. Bosses need to nominate 2-3 employees who can apply. In course of the program you have to pass several rounds until you're in. The program is conducted in another language. If you make it to the final round, they do workshops with you and that kind of stuff.
My boss chose 3 people but I wasn't among them. The people he chose are about my age but they don't speak said language well. At least that's what they said. I'm fluent in that language. In addition to that, my colleagues told me that they don't even want to do the program.
I was having a hard time with the fact that I wasn't among the chosen ones because I would have loved to give it a shot. The fact that my boss seemingly doesn't see my ambition and doesn't believe in me hit me hard. So when last week, I found out that none of my colleagues made it to the next round. I couldn't help but feel relieved.
I'm not happy about them failing. I'm just glad that I don't have to watch them unhappily going through a program I would have enjoyed doing.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
lLXNxpmZPbTdZ2i6O6wKavvTaka6Zs6M
|
a19jwa
|
{
"description": "drunk texting my ex about how I knew they were cheating on me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for drunk texting my ex about how i knew they were cheating on me?
|
my high school sweetheart and i dated 4 years on and off. we had lots of problems, but by the time we were in our senior year, we seemed to have it figured out. at least, i thought we did.
our breakup devastated me. i was living with my (very, very) controlling parents and couldn't leave the house very often. i wasn't allowed to have a lisence, had no car, etc. so i had an extremely limited social life. however, i knew my boyfriend had to live his life, so i always encouraged him to have fun. i got worried i was preventing him from enjoying his social life, so i once asked if he wanted to break up, but he said no.
our friends became his friends. he stopped asking me to go anywhere. he didn't eat lunch with me anymore. he blew me off for parties. i understood a party was probably more fun than watching movies with me in my parents' house, but it still stung a bit. i didn't say anything, but during that isolation, i developed a small online crush on someone. i felt so guilty i told my ex immediately. he later cited this as the reason he dumped me. which he did via text. while he was at a party.
i felt incredibly guilty and like i had sabotaged my chance with the love of my life. we had planned to move in together and id been looking forward to it, but i ended up staying with my parents. he remained my friend and framed it as "i forgive you and care enough to be your friend regardless."
maybe 2 years later, i found out he had been making out with all of our friends when they were drunk and often asked them if he should dump me. apparently they all heavily encouraged him to, one because she had a thing for him. she has assured me it would be best if i didn't know the details of what he said about me. i never told him i knew. i moved away.
we are still in regular contact, but one drunken night with aforementioned girl who was into him emboldened me to tell him i knew and that it was fucked for him to let me think it was my fault all those years. he said he never told me because it wasn't relevant to how he felt about me and it would only hurt me. he apologized profusely in what seemed to be very sincere. i forgave him, but he hasn't spoken to me since. i was worried he may be spiraling, so i asked my friend if i should text him to check in. my friend then heavily implied i was the asshole because it was 4 years ago and the convo probably hurt my ex's feelings. my friend said my ex has probably changed and emotionally matured and actually said "that doesn't sound like [ex]" but he has never met or talked to my ex so it pissed me off. my friend was doing that obnoxious "i don't want to choose sides or be a meanie uwu" bullshit, but after i was done being irritated, i started to feel guilty.
idk, i think i'd want to know if i hurt someone that badly, even if it'd been a few years. my head is jello right now, sorry. i just feel gross. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
80ZM8n2eOJRTbAEQPIsAxJ3gRxnkj3TC
|
a6tn26
|
{
"description": "considering ghosting",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for considering ghosting?
|
My (39F) boyfriend (39M) relapsed early on 2018 and I was unaware until a month and a half ago when is mother reached out to be. He had been off heroin for almost three years and had secured an excellent job, became to sole custodial of his three children (divorced in 2012 and mom went AWOL later on), and worked with the others in recovery to mentor their progression. When his mother reached out to me, I was shocked. There were no signs. I confronted him and he confessed that he had started using again. I advised him he was not allowed at home or around my family until he was clean and sober. I told him I would assist him in finding a treatment center and therapist but I would not be an enabler. I made him an appointment with a therapist and he was a no show. I told him where to go for help and he never took the advice.
Fast forward, I find out he’s also been using and selling cocaine, has abandoned his kids and is now homeless, has had at least two intimate encounters with another woman, and may be involved in gang activity. I’m not one to just ghost but this motherfucker and I are done. There’s nothing I have to say to this dude and don’t feel he deserves a dignified break up. Perhaps it’s the angry speaking or the hurt but I’d sleep well tonight if I blocked him in all outlets and called it a done deal.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
CuvJTUsnwYH4oizzPojFBe6gmrZgFyVG
|
a15h7n
|
{
"description": "being fwb with a guy going through a divorce",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being fwb with a guy going through a divorce?
|
We've known each other for a year, but didn't become friends until a few months ago. His separation was already in full swing, he had moved out like 6 months ago, but as far as I know there haven't been any official documents signed. So he asks me out in September, and the day before we're supposed to go on a date his ex mother in law dies. She had been suffering from cancer for a while, so it wasn't a surprise. So we don't go on the date, and we don't talk for a few weeks because he's supporting his ex, which involved moving back in with her for a couple weeks and then separating all over again.
Cut to a month later, we hang out as friends and we end up hooking up. It's super fun and super casual. For about six weeks we've been seeing each other on the weekends, talking a lot, and just having a good time. I don't want him to be my boyfriend because there's no future there. Right now I'm in a limbo year, and hanging out with him is really fun, and I like our friend-sex dynamic.
However, he still meets up with his ex on a weekly basis to "support" her. Last night he tells me that it's really hard because he doesn't love her, but her mom just died and they were together for like 10 years, so they meet up every now and again to talk and be there for each other. The first few times I understood, it was day of the dead, his parents were in town and wanted to see her, but this last time there was no major reason to see her. Now, I completely understand that the death of her mom is a big deal, going through a divorce after a 10 year relationship is also a big deal, so I understand him seeing her. However, he's definitely leading her on, he tells me that she still has hope they'll reconcile whereas he doesn't want that to happen. I asked if she knew about me, and he said no... I was just like... okay, you do you. I don't really feel like it's my business to tell him that he's being a dick to her.
Am I the Asshole for continuing to see this guy? Part of me feels like I'm the other woman and I keep imagining how hurt she'd be if she found out... but I don't even know her. The other part of me feels like break ups are hard and people can still be friends after they break up, and it's normal to be supportive when someone dies. The last part of me feels like the sex is really good and none of it is really my business. So what do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
96YjIndpLrFEVm24irXpX1REIn4S1n7n
|
asphhf
|
{
"description": "mailing my professor for help on a coding project and telling him I don't understand the words he says when he talks to me in person",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I mailed my professor for help on a coding project and told him I don't understand the words he says when he talks to me in person?
|
In the first week of the coding assignment I found myself stuck and when I asked for help I was only more confused as I found myself not able to understand through the really heavy greek inflection. There's another professor able to help, but unfortunately he has a serious lisp, and I don't understand him either.
I'm considering mailing the professor with the lisp for help, but I'm sure he'll tell me to come visit him in person and I really don't want to do that so I figure I should just come clean and tell him I don't understand him.
Any other ideas of what I could do? Entering the 4th week of the assignment and I might've skipped the last 2 sessions out of shame, it shouldn't take me long to catch up if I could just understand the project but unfortunately my cohorts don't want to help me (which is understandable since I didn't show up the past 2 weeks).
WIBTA if I sent an email, 3 weeks into the 12-week assignment, asking how to start my project and, if prompted, to say I don't understand his english?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
YLD0UGEJTzz2V2wyNJ8UEWTGsRzrUGMj
|
ajzbe1
|
{
"description": "wanting my fiancè to help me with my anger issues",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for wanting my fiancè to help me with my anger issues?
|
I snap pretty easy. Not an every day snap, but maybe once or twice a month sort of snap.
Something will set me off and literally can't help but yell, scream, slam doors, punch walls. Call it an adult tantrum - but, and it scares me to admit, I lose control.
The thing that normally sets it off is if we are having a disagreement or I know he's annoyed or mad at me, I can't just drop it. He will just walk away, yelling at me to leave him alone.
This will set me off - every single time. I panic. I freak out. I worry he's never going to come back so I go into self sabotage mode and follow him, hiding his keys, yelling at him, slamming doors.
I know, 100%, that my behaviour is completely unacceptable. But I have asked my fiancè that when this happens he simply says "I need space right now, but I will be back".
That last sentence is so crucial - the little child in me freaks out that I'm being abandoned.
Am I the arsehole to ask him to do this for me, even though I behave that way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
frEvCq569MVNKHdBiyrbizaoP9GF0z2O
|
9umw2u
|
{
"description": "telling the bosses about petty behavior at work",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling the bosses about petty behavior at work?
|
At work i am a quality technician and my job is to make sure that certain temporary measurements are being followed to insure no bad parts make it past our operating lines. I spent 2 months instilling in my coworkers how important it is to follow these measurements and that the reason they stick around so long is because the problem keeps coming up again. To be specific, the same 2 problems keep reappearing every month.
My job is to make sure that the bosses know that they aren't following the measurements and now they are becoming petty with me. I've tried working with them, tried telling them that literally what we're doing (our company makes car frames) is to protect the family or father or mother who buys our product safe. They don't seem to grasp this so i went and told the boss, after 4 hours of attempting to make peace, that they weren't doing their jobs.
Now i finally got them doing their jobs but they seem to be doing it... almost like a petty temper tantrum child. They put the smallest mark possible which takes more time to place than just placing a long black mark. this seems so childish to me and they are now sneering at me and flipping me off when i walk by to do my job.
TLDR: My coworkers weren't doing their jobs even after 4 hours of trying to tell them how important this is to do so i went and told the boss they weren't doing their job. Am i the asshole for telling the boss on them?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wWDQX7NDrSLrqy2cSN3vOcmlXrPu5Upz
|
aj2mjz
|
{
"description": "calling my friend a nonce",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA For calling my friend a nonce?
|
So first time posting to this subreddit, hope I do it right.
​
I've been friends with this one girl for a good year at least now. Me and her are pretty close, we talk a lot in the lessons we share together, but we aren't exactly the type of friends who are close enough to share our deepest secrets. From what I can tell, she doesn't really know what a lot of common slang used here on the internet means, and I usually end up explaining to her what certain words/phrases that I use mean, which I'm okay with.
So earlier today I was in a hallway with her, just chatting about random things, when she brings up that she is really popular with one of the classes of students, students that just so happen to be 2 years younger than us. Now, that's fine, there's literally nothing wrong with that, so I jokingly said something along the lines of: "Ha, you absolute nonce."
She kinda just looks at me with a confused expression on her face. Turns out she didn't actually know what it meant. She asked me what it meant but I wasn't really sure how to put it into words without sounding really weird, and because I'm awkward when it comes to social interactions I didn't want to ruin the conversation, so I told her to go and ask someone else.
She went to go and ask someone else about it, and I just stood there waiting for her to get back, cause I didn't really have anything better to do. After about 3 minutes she comes back, but doesn't even look at me.
She then grabs her pencil case and hit me over the head. Hard.
I'm just kinda stood there, completely in shock and trying to process what just happened, since it seemed to out-of-character for her. She then says something along the lines of "Don't call me that. Ever."
We kinda just stood at separate ends of the hallway for a while, until we could go to our lessons.
It wasn't until later in the day when I saw her again did I try asking her about it. Our conversation lasted a while and was a little long, before she just decided to simply stop talking to me, so I'll try to summarise it: she didn't like me using the word nonce because it shouldn't be something you should joke about.
I get that you shouldn't joke about paedophiles, but I've never seen the term nonce used in an unironic way. I struggled to try and explain to her what I was going for, while trying to apologise, but she hardly seemed to listen.
Now, I'm the type of person who hates it when they hurt someone, or do something that gets someone in trouble, it keeps me up all night. She knows this, but she's still refusing to talk to me. I also really don't want to lose her as a friend, since I don't really have very many, and I try my best to stay close the ones I have.
I didn't want to hurt anybody, but was I still a jerk? I just feel like I was a complete bitch but I want to believe that she was just overreacting.
​
TL:DR -I jokingly called a friend a nonce, now she is refusing to talk to me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
sNpAUJNtdNMrPwG5ie8aoAoNCmF22bdh
|
averkq
|
{
"description": "not paying attention to politics",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not paying attention to politics?
|
I’m a new grad with a lot of money just living his life I never had enough money for. I like to have a lot of fun, do my job, and focus on those around me. I don’t really have an opinion on politics because getting the side from both stories isn’t something I even care about doing I’d rather be working on my car or fishing. Well I sat down with two of my friends to have a beer the other day and they were talking about the 2020 election. I just started to play Smash Bros while somewhat listening to them. Well they get mad that I’m not paying attention to their disagreements and start to ask me where I land. I tell them I don’t know and ask them why they need validation from me. That’s when both of them went from disagreeing on politics to agreeing that I’m an asshole in my own little world. They claim that I need to be more aware about what’s happening and that I’m the problem with America. So am I the asshole? I feel almost bad about my ignorance at this point but not enough to really change because I’d rather be doing fun shit... but if it gives me the American asshole stereotype by not caring then I’m probably gonna start paying attention even though I really give zero shits just so I’m not a dick.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
bnA1vwTSUzILTqfWw8ORznjSFmG2UXQo
|
b9i0v3
|
{
"description": "getting a haircut from my ex girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA If i got a haircut from my ex girlfriend?
|
I broke up with my ex girlfriend 2yrs ago and hasn't talked to her since. I got into relationship with my current girlfriend 8months ago and have been into a very peaceful and loving relationship. For past 2 months I had to stay in the same villa with my ex girlfriend due to work. Villa is our office and staying place.
So over 2 months we went from not taking at all to having 3 meals together ( it has grown organically, as we are sharing the same living place ).
Two days ago I wanted a haircut so jokingly said why don't you cut my hair to my ex and she agreed. I got a haircut from her. I know it isn't a big thing but my gf has been disappointed with me.
Since I met my gf she hasn't heard a single good thing about my ex and suddenly she gets to know that I am living with her and now has got a haircut, I can't blame her for getting upset.
I just wanted to know if Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
7W8wq3aVspNBQ1EklqUKkbaC1zEWQ74t
|
b0vp5l
|
{
"description": "not buying my partner a birthday gift",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not buying my partner a birthday gift.
|
Partner and I have been together for almost 2 years now and last year he forgot my birthday. He tells me he has trouble with his memory but seems to remember things that suit him fine (his friends birthdays, things i've said that suit his needs). I didn't make much of a big deal out of it at the time, just said I was a bit upset, and asked him to put it in his calendar for next year (which I had to do because it was too much effort for him).
Partner forgot to wish me a Merry Christmas. He doesn't celebrate it, so I didn't expect a gift or anything, but he didn't even say it to me, yet I know he said it to a lot of his friends and family (facebook), and he knows my family celebrate it hard core.
Partner forgot Valentines day. Same theme as Christmas, but this time he jokingly wished his "husbands" (aka his friends) a Happy Valentines while I didn't get a word.
A couple of days after valentines day it was his birthday. I had all ready agreed to go out with him and his friends for dinner, but before hand I wanted to do some personal shopping (like 3 hours before hand, I wasn't late to his dinner). While I was out shopping (he knew where I was, location wise) he asks me to drive an hour or so in the opposite direction to his place (where I was heading after my shopping) in order to get him something for his Birthday.
I told him no. I told him he knew where I was going, that I was going to be far away from the requested shop before I left my home, and that if he had of wanted something he should have asked me before I left. I also told him he could go to another place closer to his (but still out of my way, on the way to his) to get what he wanted. He got uppity about it. He also knew I was very strapped for cash at the time because I have been off work for almost a month ill, and that what he wanted was very expensive.
Him and his friends spent the entire evening being rude about me not having gotten him what he asked for, so I spent my evening being snidely remarked too. Most of his friends now refer to me as the bad girlfriend, even after I paid for his (very expensive) dinner.
I just want to know if I really was an asshole by not getting him what he wanted.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
aBEokDEEwHj0CHS0LkVYmsd9BG7uTo0z
|
b8ed1t
|
{
"description": "taking a leak",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking a leak?
|
So I'm over at these girls' apartment I had just recently become kind of good friends with. We get drunk, I'm like "I gotta pee." They're like "oh ok it's the second door on the left." I kind of stumble in there and one of their (sober) roommates is taking a shower. I'm like "hey how are you I'm (name) and I gotta piss. I'm just gonna go real quick." Did not intend to be creepy in any way, just really had to pee and I'm very comfortable around anyone at any time when I'm drunk. She told me about it the next day and laughed about it saying it was no problem and it was really funny, but I still feel weird about doing it to a girl I barely knew at the time and I lowkey feel like a creep for doing this but I couldn't really put that into words. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "rejecting my best friend and dating one of his friends instead",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for rejecting my best friend and dating one of his friends instead?
|
I made this account just to ask this lol.
Okay so I met this guy around 2 years ago back when we were in 10th grade. He was very friendly and we had a lot of common interests so we started to just hang out.
We quickly became buddies; we played videogames, we went out (as friends, of course), we studied together and we even had a small "band" with several other friends and we would go over to his house to play on weekends. Time goes by and I notice he is starting to develop a crush on me. I could tell by the way he spoke to me, how he was nicer than usual and how he would notice and compliment my new outfits or haircuts. I liked him but definitely not in *that* way. He was nice and a pretty chill guy but we had very different opinions on sensitive topics (which I consider very important btw) and I just didn't feel comfortable with the idea of dating him.
So he just makes subtle insinuations that he wants to date me but I either ignore him or tell him "no". Time goes on and then he introduces me to a new friend (let's name him T). T was super cool and I felt like I was crushing on him right away. It's difficult to explain but I quickly fell in love with him. And he did the same.
Eventually T and I start going out without telling the other guys (including my best friend) and things are going really good for us.
My best friend then came to my house, around a month ago or so, to just you know, hang out and do the usual things. We are watching some anime in my bedroom when he finally opens up and asks: "Hey Cassie, do you wanna be my girlfriend?". I looked at him pretending to be shocked. I simply answered with "Aw but I think we would best if we're friends, y'know... I just don't feel like we should date".
At that moment he just looks away, hurt, and replies with a "fine". It was the most awkward thing and I was really uncomfortable. He eventually gets up and tells me he has to leave to which I simply nodded and wished him luck.
He didn't text me after that. He was very distant and avoided me whenever he could at school.
Then, a week ago, T is the one who asks me out. I was super happy and of course said yes. We've been dating since. We told our friends and well... Shit got real.
They told me that my best friend was heartbroken, how could I do that to him, etc etc. I explained them that I just wasn't in love with him and I wanted to be honest and well... Just a bunch of nonsense drama. They made me feel awful for dating T instead of my best friend.
I noticed that my best friend unfriended me from Facebook and he was posting things about how he unsuccesful at love, how terrible he felt and even how all the girls are going for bad guys (obviously intended to me)
I feel so bad rn. My friends don't even welcome us (T & I) anymore. Am I really the one who's on the wrong here?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling my girlfriend that she annoys me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
WIBTA if I tell my girlfriend that she annoys me
|
Background -
My girlfriend (25) has a habit of stating obvious things. If we're having a conversation about icecream and she asks me if I (26) like icecream and I say yes - her response would be stating that again but as a question. Oh you like icecream? But this happens with most things.
I am a restless person, I am super anal about wasting time. Will I be the asshole to tell her about this politely? I want to increase the quality of our conversation but this kinda shit always demotivates me.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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arn1m2
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{
"description": "lying about my reasons to break up",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for lying about my reasons to break up?
|
During winter break, I met a girl who lives in my hometown and we liked each other instantly. We went on a few dates that went amazingly well and ended up meeting more times because we have common friends. Before I went back to university, we decided to date and try being in a long-distance relationship (keep in mind that this is about fifteen days since we went on our first date). All in all, I spent half of January in my hometown to see her because I didnt have much trouble with my exams, but when the period of exams ended, I knew I had to go back to Uni for a really long time because I cant afford economically and academically to take the train every weekend, it's a lot of time and money.
Anyway, before meeting her, I was still talking to a a girl, which was my best friend and ex. We have a complicated story. Dated, broke up, still talked everyday, fell out then became friends again and on and on. I thought I had gotten over her but the relationship with this girl made me realize that I still loved her.
So, when I became aware of this, I knew that I had to break up with her. I debated a lot with my friends and myself what to do, and I always reached the same conclusion over and over, I had to blame distance and being this early in a relationship. I couldnt tell her that I loved another woman.
Am I really the asshole here?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b291j3
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{
"description": "wanting more after I apologized",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
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|
AITA for wanting more after I apologized?
|
This is a story that spans almost a decade. Very long story, but the TL;DR Is still there if you want it. I strongly advise against it though.
A long time ago I met a girl (let's call her D) in a Facebook group chat, we clicked and we became best friends, chatting everyday.
Basically, both of us were in love with each other but were too scared to make the first move. So she ended up with another guy, probably to make me jealous.
After almost a year of supposed friendzone agony, they broke up and a mutual friend told me I should tell her that I like her (he knew she liked me).
I took the leap and actually bought a ticket to travel where she lives. I spent 5 days in her grandparents' house, I was 15 so I had to go with my mother.
In the end we kissed, I said goodbye and I told her that next time she will come where I live.
After almost one year she buys the ticket and I tell her that she can no longer come (my family told me at the last minute that could not afford to have a guest).
I don't remember much after that. I just know that somehow we didn't talk anymore as time went by and I got a girlfriend.
After a couple of years she managed to find me on Facebook again (I had deleted my profile because I need to take a break from it) and she texted me asking me how I was doing. I was so happy to have found her again but because of my jealous girlfriend I had to be VERY cold and insensitive. D's last text was "Don't vanish!"... I did not answer.
This was the last time I heard from her for 4 years.
2 years later me and my gf broke up.
I found D on Instagram.
I said hello.
I knew there was something wrong.
She was SO angry, cold, I could immediately tell.
I tried to apologize as best as I could. Multiple times. She always responded with stuff like "It's in the past now, don't worry."
Yesterday I told her all the truth, explaining why I did what I did. She told me that when she bought the ticket she tried to get a refund but she didn't get it, it was pretty expensive. I feel like garbage for what I did even if I was just a child. She appreciated the honesty though.
In the end I asked her to know only if I still mattered something to her or I was just "a thing in the past".
She told me that even though she felt like shit because of me, I still do matter "something".
Yet I know she hates me, she is very cold and distant.
I am very sad right now. Maybe I still love her, maybe I don't. I am sure I still care for our relationship and it's breaking my heart.
Why, after a these apologies and miserable honesty, does she treat me like I am so irrelevant?
TL;DR: I was a big asshole to a girl in the past. Now I said sorry and she still hates me.
Wether I am asshole or not, is there anything I can do to fix this?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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6Tud3t4rBIhpM3UZIxJw3GoVQbIoKPIQ
|
ar3ca2
|
{
"description": "being annoyed that everyday my mom wakes me up at 7am or before when I don't need to be up for a few hours",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being annoyed that everyday my mom wakes me up at 7am or before when I don't need to be up for a few hours?
|
I'm currently living with my mom but am moving out on the first of March. Although it is definitely time for me to move out, I feel like I'm not that behind on doing it as I am only turning 19 tomorrow. Especially living in Canada where housing is extremely expensive, very few people I know move out at this age, but then again, I'm open to the idea that maybe I am doing this all wrong.
Every morning, around 7, I wake up to her standing in my doorway either just standing there with the light turned on staring at me, or yelling about how lazy I am for not living on my own yet, or telling me to do something like unload the dishwasher or whatever (which could definitely just be done in an hour or so after I'm feeling a bit more rested), or to just complain that I'm lazy and should have a different job because my scattered work hours annoy her because she doesn't like hearing the door open when I get home around midnight if I'm doing a closing shift.
When I try to tell her that i don't appreciate that or how she never just knocks on my door and speaks to me calmly, she turns into a T-Rex and makes a bunch of loud noises that I guess are supposed to mean "this is y house, I can do what I want, if you don't like it, get out." She doesn't seem satisfied when I tell her that I will be out in less than two weeks because when this is happening she wants me gone NOW. Once in grade 11 when she told me to get out over something silly and I actually did leave and my boyfriend's parents were willing to take me in because they're super-duper beyond kind and many times they had overheard her yelling at me on the phone, calling either me or my boyfriend or EVEN THEM rude names even though to this day she's never met them, she would call me just about everyday saying that I'm immature for running away from my problems and not just putting up with her. I lived with them until the end of grade 12 and came back because at that point my grandma was staying at my moms place and it was nice to be around her.
Sorry for rambling on, I don't know if the info helps at all. Also I know that even if people side with me on this, i know this might be silly because walking up to her with a computer saying "the internet thinks you're in the wrong" is not going to do anything but I really need to A) work on myself and the way I think if I'm being a spoiled brat or B) get some peace of mind knowing that I'm not that bad of a person.
EDIT: ADDITIONAL INFO/ I was extremely lucky and got to move out early! I’m glad to have my own space and feel more comfortable and relaxed. My mom has started to text me and be much more kind since I’ve left. I’m proud of myself.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aqqg3u
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{
"description": "wanting my friend to attend a Boy Scout meeting at the cost of time with his girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my friend to attend a Boy Scout meeting at the cost of time with his Girlfriend?
|
I know the title sounds bad, but let me elaborate. My friend and I are both boy scouts. I am the senior patrol leader and he is the assistant senior patrol leader. We planned out a meeting together which he said he would run. Now, his girlfriend rescheduled a plan they had (the day of) so that he wouldn't be able to come to scouts. They planned to meet for two hours. If he cuts it to 1 hour he'll only be 15 minutes late to scouts. I suppose its important to mention that scouts was planned before their "date". It should also be noted, in fairness, that he rarely sees her outside of school. So Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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q84dHYt84F1Hne6Bq9U79hfUu81NtvzS
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arst7y
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{
"description": "wanting to break up with my partner because of their depression",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to break up with my partner because of their depression
|
Ok, so of course at first glance, the title would make me jump to asshole for even suggesting that. However, let me explain.
My girlfriend (20F) and me (21M) have been together for about 2.5 years. We met while in College and it’s mostly great. We got along well, we had even talked about marriage. However, things began to change a few month ago.
Her family is mean, and I mean really mean. They bicker to her every second about her life choices. For example, they harassed her for month when she decided to go into music education because it wasn’t a STEM field. Well, I met these parents a few times and they invited me to go on vacation with them. I accepted, but they offered in a kind of way that they were rubbing their nose over me. However. I saw to the full extent what these parents did to my girlfriend. Her mother would consistently berate her about weight (She’s chubby, but like, not even close to obese) and her dad likes to yell for a variety of reasons. Anyway, they don’t end up liking me.
Fine, I figure that things will be fine and she and I are adults. Who cares about what the family thinks? Well, they start nailing into her and if it’s not about me then it’s about her chair in the college concert band.
She begins to start feeling worthless. Which I do try to come in and help out. But her parents are still bashing her and she is just upset and understandably so. I feel bad, so I start making offers.
I tell her she can come live with me and we could organize some loans to get her through the rest of college. She refuses that idea because she is afraid of how her family might respond. Fine.
However, now she is depressed. She feels trapped. She is regularly lashing out by yelling and getting into fights. She is pushing other people away and just doesn’t feel motivated to do her work. It’s starting to affect me and I just don’t know how to keep putting up with it.
I started talking to a friend about it and they told me that I was an asshole and thought I was abandoning her. I just feel that I’m young and I have things to focus on. I like her a lot, but her depression just hurts. Even after breaking up, I would still help her anyway I can.
TL;DR Partner’s Parents make her feel like crap. Now, she is depressed and lashing out.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ay2vez
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{
"description": "saying my daughter has a big nose and making her cry",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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}
|
AITA for saying my daughter has a big nose and making her cry?
|
Throwaway, for reasons.
I’m 56 years old and my daughter is 17
The daughter and I have had a few issues throughout the years which started in her teens, as most father-daughter problems do.
When she was little, she was a little chubby so I used to call her chubster, pudge, etc, as a joke and talk to her about the importance of losing weight. When I was growing up, my dad would often call me fat and to keep fat, which inspired me to lose weight and get fit.
Anyway, when she got to her teens, she started being a bit funny about being eating, (making herself sick, etc). She wasn’t anorexic though as she wasn’t skinny enough. Anyway, we started having arguments and the revolving subject of those tiffs would be how I made her feel ‘unworthy’ and ‘fat’. She also keeps bringing up this occasion where I apparently called her fat in public at age eight, making her cry and telling her, ‘go eat a chocolate bar, that will make you feel better, fatty’. This is an event I cannot remember but my wife remembers clearly.
This has caused a significant rift between my daughter and I and on many occasions she has used the silent treatment on me. I’m talking weeks of silence, only speaking to the wife. It makes it unbearable.
We usually have a slightly jokey relationship when we are friendly, however the banter sometimes becomes a little bit personal. She will call me fat etc and I will in return. Sometimes, it’s ok and sometimes it’s not. I just don’t know where I stand.
Anyway, in one event in question, she called me a ‘cock’ so I said she had a big nose. It was all friendly but immediately, after I said that, she went cold on me. Turns out, or so my wife tells me, she hates her nose which is sort of Roman-esque but nothing huge or anything. It’s one of her ‘big insecurities’. She didn’t speak to me for about a week and is still cool with me now.
Anyway reddit, am I the asshole for taking banter too far?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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fxqpzWppRabGP4rZe2Zo3Nidg63yF3Go
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ah3oo8
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{
"description": "not paying my friend after burning his dab cartridge",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not paying my friend after burning his dab cartridge?
|
My friend, lets call him Ethan, called me while I was at my girlfriends and asked me to pick him up. His car had gotten an oil change, and he needed someone to smoke with while he waited.
Needless to say, I picked him up, and we smoked for about an hour or so just hanging out. Its at this point that he pulls out a fresh, 1 gram dab cartridge from his bag. He tells me VERBATIM, “just press the button and suck in for a few seconds”. Okay, so I did. When nothing came out, I passed it back to Ethan. He then proceeds to tell me its “burnt to shit” and acted like I was an asshole. I apologized profusely, but he was cold to me up until I dropped him off. Id like to have offered money, but I’m currently strapped financially. AITA ?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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dxcAKi2PHlyliLYTOEOZuCQmRYnChAz6
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b4yo60
|
{
"description": "inviting a girl back to my hotel after she mentioned being down for casual, no strings attached sex? both late 20s",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 161
}
|
AITA for inviting a girl back to my hotel after she mentioned being down for casual, no strings attached sex? Both Late 20s
|
This happened a few days ago and first I thought she was overreacting but I mentioned it to a friend back home who told me I was being an asshole so I've been thinking of it more...
I travel a lot for work and was recently in a really dope city for a conference in which I got put up in a super swank hotel. I match with a girl from tinder and we exchange snap usernames and start talking on there. We send a couple of innocent snaps before she mentions she is in an Open relationship and was just looking for no strings attached sex, pretty much a hot romp 1 off. This piques my interest immediately and tbh I started getting a bit hard and my thoughts racing. I ask her when she wants to meet up and she tells me she'll get through with her day and then hit me up.
Blood rushing to my dick, I send her a couple video snaps of my suite. This thing is seriously huge. Double room. Sweet bathroom. Amazing view with a balcony. I follow up with where I'm staying, that I have a private super swank room and that maybe she should come over when she's done with work. She opens the vids and says the room looks great, thanks for the view and offer etc etc but that she has had bad experiences with meeting strangers at hotels in the past and that she would rather meet somewhere neutral first to see if we vibe. I say okay.
About 5 minutes later, I'm completely hard and looking over this girl's pics and get a bit caught up in the moment of possibly banging someone elses girlfriend in a city i'm visiting. I send her a quick dick pic and a view of the skyline from my balcony and tell her "Or you should just come over right now and I can fuck you against this window."
She shuts down immediately. Calls me an inconsiderate asshole for "pressuring" her after she told me she had a bad experience. I honestly didn't think it was that big of a deal and more spur of the moment sexy but she immediately blocked me and unmatched me from Tinder. It's been a few days since and I'm still blocked so I ended up mentioning it to a friend back home who basically gasped and called me a raging asshole. So.... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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t2x8RPGfaLlHzVBQcU3B3tuTIDTiBqwq
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b323bu
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{
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend because he wants to give up school..again",
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|
WIBTA if i broke up with my boyfriend because he wants to give up school..again?
|
Boyfriend has tried going to school many times before i met him. maybe 5? He has always been in the service industry as a server/back of the house, etc. He complains all the time that he hates the job and wants to get out of the industry. At first he tried real estate, he said industry was booming and he could make a lot. He went to school, passed one state test, failed the federal or something 3 times and quit. All while doing part time serving, while I supported him with my full time job. We live together by ourselves. Recently about 3 months ago he started going online school for IT, he said that he loved computers and this was his what he wanted to do. IT made a lot of money and had a high pay while moving up. I was proud and said good for you trying to make a change. I was really proud of him for deciding to do something with his life.
​
Just now he said he wanted to quit school (already failed a class and is now on academic probation for doing bad in his current class). He said he will start to be a bar back since they have potential for a lot of money. Which I guess they do. Every time he would start school he would tell me to make sure he's on track. So when he told me he wanted to quit school this time I told him not to, and he hated his current job and told me to keep him on track. I basically told him what he told me back. He got mad at me for being irritated and said he just wanted to complain. Then he said I wasn't being supportive.
I honestly don't know what to do. I'm his girlfriend so I'm supposed to be supportive but he just always gives up. I'm supporting him now (he pays half but sometimes he falls short), he only works 4 days so he can go to school online, but now he wants to quit. How long should I be a supporting girlfriend, like I know some people aren't meant to go to school because they just can't mentally handle it. People need time to figure out what they want to do and I know it might not be now for him. Was I in the wrong for getting annoyed? Should I have just agreed and let him complain and quit school and support him until he finds his passion?
​
He hates being in service industry, complains all the time. Maybe being a bar back is his thing so he can work his way up to a bartender. At the right restaurant/bar they have the ability to make a lot. But when he's unhappy with his life, sometimes he comes home and it affects our life together. AITA if I were to break up with him because of his choice to quit school?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
amokhi
|
{
"description": "delegating my boyfriend to ask people coming to our house party to clean up after themselves",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for delegating my boyfriend to ask people coming to our house party to clean up after themselves?
|
It's super bowl Sunday, neither my boyfriend, roommate, or I watch football. However, we have friends who do, so we offered to host and entertain them our 65" TV, and also to give ourselves an excuse to bust out the deep fryer for some fun.
Now, these are close mutual friends from college. We've been housemates, classmates, project partners, and are in the same student club. Having them over is a blast, and there is no one better to drink with than college friends who've known you for years.
However, among this group of people we have several close friends who've frequently been to our place before. And on multiple occasions, I've been left with cleaning up empty bottles, trash, spills, dishes, clutter, etc. While I understand that as a guest, they have no obligation to clean up, I've gotten tired of being the default housekeeper after every party. As I mentioned before, these are mutual friends of me and my boyfriend. When I bring up the issue of no shoes in the house (mopping is hard work), I don't get taken seriously. I've tried asking people not to wear shoes, to pick up bottles, put dishes in the sink, clear the kitchen counter, etc. at the end of these parties, but most of the time I'm met with responses like "sorry my Uber is here", or people pick up enough and 'did their part', or people simply leave before I get to ask.
I've stopped asking after a point, because I realized that it was only perceived as nagging and wasn't getting me anywhere. This is going to sound silly, but during a party game there was a question along the lines of "what does rachelhazideas want more than anything else?", and people voted "kitchen counter space" as the best answer. That's the moment when I understood that I was being a party pooper, so I stopped having expectations towards the guests. Instead, I shifted the responsibility to my boyfriend and asked him to offload some of my work.
Unfortunately, motivating him to clean up after more than himself is not easy, so I decided to ask him to be responsible for asking people to clean up after themselves. He is very nonconfrontational, and I know this is not easy for him, but I asked him simply because people take him more seriously over my nagging.
I asked him to be proactive about this, and suggested making a Facebook chat for everyone coming tomorrow and mention that shoes are not allowed in the house, and also to recruit more cleanup efforts. I could tell that this made him uncomfortable, but I asked him to do it anyways because I said earlier that if anyone walks over the freshly mopped floor with shoes again, I'm just going to walk out of the house. I didn't explain to him why I would. In truth, I'm very anxious about unintentionally becoming the stereotypical woman who cleans up after the men while they watch football and BBQ. It makes me feel isolated, excluded, and like a tag along girlfriend, when this has not been my relationship with these friends during college.
On one hand, I know that if I want my guests to treat my home a certain way, it's my responsibility to convey that to them. On the other hand, I feel like my boyfriend isn't carrying his half of the burden of mitigating after-party cleanup, or simply cleaning up. Am I the asshole for making him confront our friends on cleaning up, even when I know how it stresses him out?
Tldr; I got tired of cleaning up after parties so I asked my boyfriend to delegate instead, knowing that he doesn't enjoy it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
pKeLqrI2qMjHRreExxVbLBTrQvA5xiVp
|
alkply
|
{
"description": "refusing to shovel the driveway when its past 6pm and 8 degrees with a wind chill of -11 degrees",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to shovel the driveway when its past 6pm and 8 degrees with a wind chill of -11 degrees?
|
So my mom tells me to shovel a *path* out to her car and her boyfriends car around four o'clock, no big deal I thought and I did it without hesitation and left for work an hour later. Fast forward to my way home from work and she texts me saying that she can believe that I ignored her and should expect to shovel snow in the dark. **Wat?** Fast forward again and I get home and she explains again how I'm going to be shoveling snow in the dark. I politely tell her that she requested a path be dug and that I am not going to go outside when it is *six degrees and windy* just to shovel all *100+ feet* of the driveway when her car has very good all season tires and four wheel drive. May I also add that I could stick my finger in the snow and you could still see half of it.
So, Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
3whWcbp9YffpNXk4sp3TTJHC1aKr0yYd
|
awc9oo
|
{
"description": "being annoyed that my Father damaged my car radio",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA: For being annoyed that my Father damaged my car radio
|
Pretty self explanatory my dad borrowed my car and left the lights no when he got out completely draining the battery, he ended up jump starting it and now the radio doesn't work doesn't light up no sound, the Bluetooth doesn't come up, nothing. I told him "you fucked it you fix it or get another one" he cant workout whether it a fuse or if the head unit is dead he has a day to work out and replace it or I'm just not going to pay my board for however long will cover the cost of a new one. I'm doing this because my parents won't directly pay me for the cost of a new one.
AITA am i blowing this out or proportion,
​
I know that its not a lot of money however my father is not good with cars its well established that you don't let him use anything with a motor because it always come back in a worse condition then when he started
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
rXt4ZXL4aTTttvtI1TcCrZ37P7HSN104
|
aqs6nt
|
{
"description": "not wanting to listen to my mom complaining about my dad",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to listen to my mom complaining about my dad?
|
I'm a 15 year old, so when my mom complains about how shitty my dad is, I can't really get away. I've told her multiple times that I'm not comfortable with it but she keeps insinuating that I'm being a shitty son, being mean to her, and not letting her voice her thoughts. AITA? Should I just get over their failing marriage and take it? Please help, I can't deal with this much longer.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
52lL6xng8CWvbDvLdxngpSXSr7g74RAB
|
a5933s
|
{
"description": "not wanting to host a party",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I don't want to host a party?
|
For years, my husband and I had a New Year’s Eve party at our house and invited Couple A and Couple B. For a while, Couple A would bring their kids, then – when the kids got old enough to not want to hang out with the oldsters anymore – it was just the six adults. It was fun – we’d order pizza, my husband and I would prepare appetizers, we’d play games and watch movies, then we’d pop a bottle of champagne at midnight and toast the New Year.
3 years ago, my husband and I were unable to have our party on December 31st – we had a family obligation that we couldn’t get out of. No worries, though – we had the party a few weeks later, even though it wasn’t technically New Years.
2 years ago, Couple B said that they’d been invited to someone else’s house for December 31st – could we have our party a few weeks later like before? We were a little hurt that our long-standing tradition had been disrupted, but we felt that we couldn’t really object since WE’D been the ones to disrupt it the year before (even though we’d had no choice). So, once again, we said yes to the later party.
Last year, same thing – Couple B was once again invited to that same someone else’s house for December 31st. This time, though, Couple B offered to host the later party – they had a new house that they wanted to show off. We three couples had a good time, and I thought “Huh, maybe THIS could be our new tradition – have the later party at Couple B’s house instead of ours.”
Now might be a good time to mention that we see Couple A and Couple B several times a year, and we ALWAYS host. No-one else ever offers to do it. And, to be honest, it kind of bugs me, because it’s a bit expensive. My husband and I pay for 99% of all the food and drinks and, if we rent a movie, we pay for that, too. We’ve tried to make the parties potluck, saying “How about Couple A brings an appetizer, and Couple B brings dessert”, but 9 times out of 10, one or the other of the couples completely forgets to bring anything. It’s kind of become a recurring joke that they’ll arrive at our house and suddenly say in dismay “Oh, were we supposed to bring something?”
I’ve sometimes suggested that one of the other couples hosts instead of us, but they always say “But it’s so comfy and nice in your house – we’d much rather come to you!” Flattering, I guess – although that puts all of the preparation on us, and the cleanup afterwards, too. Honestly, my husband and I are feeling a bit used.
This year, Couple B has been invited to the other party on December 31st again, and they’ve asked if WE can host the later party again. I wasn’t really thinking, and I already said “Okay”, but now I’m regretting it. It just feels weird having a NYE party in January or February, plus, I’m still a bit hurt that Couple B would rather have the big celebration with people who aren’t us. It feels like they want to have their cake and eat it too. WIBTA if I said “Let’s just get together for a non-NYE party some other time”?, and WIRBTA (Would I Really Be the A-Hole) if I said “And how about one of you guys host this time?”?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
HV492zhAcHOzcZRUZVbHY8rTwDrIhoFx
|
au5tdq
| null |
AITA for steal my brother's 2 year old life savers?
|
To keep a long story short my brother got hard lifesaver candies for Christmas 2 years ago (as well as other snacks) and had maybe 1/4 of the snacks. All the chocolate and gummy Candy is toast but these lifesavers hard candies were not.
Now he hates me for the heck of it and whenever I ask him to share he says no even though I share my snack and other goodies with him. So when I found these lifesavers at the bottom of a 2 year old bag with discarded chocolate and gummy I took them. To be honest I don't think he even know they're there.
So AITA for eating his stuff dispute the fact he will probably never eat it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Z6BcHYzao3U2lYE5b1fNeYBHCXgVSqY5
|
b4orhu
|
{
"description": "thinking my aunt in recovery's life is too dramatic for me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking my aunt in recovery's life is too dramatic for me?
|
My aunt is almost six years clean from drugs and alcohol. Im super proud of her and have been nothing but supportive. I drive two hours each way every year to see her get her medallion and even presented her the five year one and said a brief speech.
My aunt is very much in the AA/NA mindset of one day a time, God is good, etc. I totally support this but sometimes it gets exhausting. For background, my maternal side is all alcoholics and my paternal side is a long line of drug addicts. My two ex step fathers were both addicts. This is not my first time around the block and sometimes I've just had enough with the NA speak.
My aunt also is a sponsor and all of her friends are in the program. At least once a month someone she knows dies, and she's just DEVASTATED every time. And im just like...well, yeah, that's what happens when everyone you know does drugs. Every conversation is riddled with AA-isms, mildly laced with self pity, and just so dramatic.
So, AITA for dodging her calls and not really wanting to be much more involved than i already am?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
fmt8w1jrRZrCIlZXnoeDe0nKh85fhZ8Q
|
az76me
|
{
"description": "taking my sister down a peg",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for taking my sister down a peg?
|
My sis is 31. 2 kids. And she never lost the weight from either of the pregnancies.
She constantly talks about leaving her husband. That she wants to marry a rich trucker. I know she’s mostly joking, but the trucker part is new and makes me wonder.
We were all sitting around making a photo board of my passed aunt before her funeral. She was making the usual jokes about ditching her husband for a rich trucker. I got annoyed with her.
I made the joke “yeah because every rich guy wants a single mother of two in her 30s”. I was this close to adding her weight into the joke, but stopped myself.
It did not go over well. I know it’s not a nice thing to say, but she makes these “jokes” all the time and Jared works hard for her, even if he’s an idiot. I really don’t think she could do better in her situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
0GgZn1F3Qa0PMidmCLQuD2fNpV920Jar
|
b6n3xc
|
{
"description": "snitching on my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for snitching on my best friend?
|
Three days ago my best friend (f20) told me (f21) a story that she heard while hanging out with her boyfriend’s group of friends (they are also friends with my boyfriend, just not as close).
The story was that one of them got a video of a girl I know having sex with a guy from the high school I used to go to. The girl in the video used to be in my class, and we were close back then. She is in an open relation with her boyfriend of 6 years, and her boyfriend also knows the people that had the video.
At first I was kinda outraged because I assumed that she allowed the guy to film and I thought that was kinda disrespectful towards her boyfriend since everyone knows each other and he could end up watching the video.
I thought about this for some days, and then when I talked it over with my boyfriend and other friend, it hit us, maybe she didn’t consent it.
At the moment, to me, it was logical that the right thing to do would be to tell the girl in the video that there was a video going around, and that I wanted her to know, because if she didn’t allowed the guy to film it she should act on it.
As it turns out, they had sex but she wasn’t aware of the video.
After that, she immediately called me crying, telling me everything, and I couldn’t bring myself to lie to her since we would be talking about a serious crime if the video existed, so I just told her everything I knew, names and everything. She then talked to the guy that supposedly filmed, he denied it and she believed him.
The thing is that this guy now wanted to go talk to the guy that was telling people he had the video. The girl told me he was standing in front of his house... and that guy is friends with my best friend and her boyfriend... so then I called my best friend and told her what I did. She immediately lost it, called her boyfriend, who called the guy telling everyone that had the video the other guy was going to go meet him at his house.
My best friend was furious, telling me I just made drama with the friends of her boyfriend. And saying that I should have talked to her before I talked to the girl (I agree with that, I just really thought the girl in the video knew and the convo would end there, mainly because this girl post a lot of sexual content online and I know she wouldn’t be ashamed to tell me if she knew there was a video. It was never my plan to tell my friends names).
She was really mad, and I apologized a lot, thinking that I betrayed her. The thing is that I really felt I was doing the right thing. And I feel that she is prioritizing her “friendship” with people that lie, and spread rumors, or even film other without permission, over me. She is coming over tonight to talk, and I would really like to know if everyone thinks AITA.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
MNtmQKpD7n8pztSh9o7K0KprJowA4LJk
|
b548s6
|
{
"description": "taking my dog off the couch for bedtime",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA: for taking my dog off the couch for bedtime?
|
I have a dog that's 12 pounds. She sleeps in my bed nearly all of the time. Occasionally I'll stsy up late ajd she'll find a different person to worm uer way into bed with. But I'm the one that walks her of a morning.
We're out of town and brought my 9 and 10 yo nieces with us.
Last night my niece had my dog on the couch.[100% allowed] and was watching either netflix or youtube. I was in the bsthroom and came out once id put on my pjs. Anyway, I grabbed my dog and my niece was PISSED that I took my dog.
***
Niece: no!
Me: my dog sleeps with me
Niece: that's not fair!
Me: she's sleeping with me.
***
Then i left and we went to bed.
Today I was doing something and my niece tells me "[dog's name] is sleeping with me tonight because you took her last night!"
Me: she sleeps with me. End of discussion.
My niece is 10. I'm 21. So reddit, aita?
I didn't think i was but my niece seemed so angry today about me taking my dog to bed with me last night so now I'm not so sure. Whatd you think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
yn91PgDmK79C3Bepjd6zroYtSvC7RrRY
|
b9d2m0
|
{
"description": "wanting to confront parents that I see smoking",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for wanting to confront parents that I see smoking?
|
Any time I see a parent or parents smoking with their children beside them or in a vehicle etc I just want to tell them if they truly loved their kids they wouldn't be potentially taking years off their lives from all the second hand smoke. Should I just not care?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
yZdm5H6kteO6ZenezRemAJuky2AhyDC2
|
am3c28
| null |
AITA friend not wanting to pay for subrsciption
|
So a year back me and my friend made a crunchyroll account and agreed to split the bill which is 59$ and it was linked to my paypal account and today it got renewed without my knowledge because i haven't used it since july because i stopped watching anime and i said to him that if i'm paying then you should too because we share account and i want him to pay 50% of the price because it's unfair that i have to pay for something i never use anymore and he should pay too. Yes i have asked for a refund, but i don't know if they will let me so
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
4KKRRPqfiIvRJ5OTRsEQGQmexozrYBUn
|
a56ybj
|
{
"description": "moving my family to another state",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I moved my family to another state?
|
Sorry for formatting, on mobile. Also sorry that this is crazy long.
Some background: I have a husband and 12 year old son. My husband is the step father, we have been together 3.5 years.
My son and I were living in California when I met my husband. After a year, we were engaged and he was offered a job in Indiana. We decided since I was working full time and trying to go to school full time, that I would quit my job and we would move across the country. This way I could focus on school and then get a job.
Moving to Indiana meant moving my son away from his father, who we can call P. P was never consistent, spent a lot of money on drinking and weed, and never ever ever paid child support. For the last several years before we moved, I wouldn't even tell my kid when P was coming to pick him up because many times he didn't show up. So, we weren't exactly moving away from father of the year. Side comment: I did set it up with the courts that the child support he was supposed to be paying could be put into a travel fund to fly the kid back and forth. This is enough for him to fly out twice per month via Southwest. Aside from the three times my husband paid for the kid to go out there, his father has never flown him out. We haven't heard from P in a year and a half now.
My kid took the first move really hard. He was in fifth grade, had lost his grandma (my mom) a year and a half prior, and now had lost his dad, for all intents and purposes. He actually failed a class which was not like my kid at all... And he started making some friends that were bad influences. I always give kids a chance because you never know what kind of situation they have at home, but when they prove that they don't want to live a better life I figure I can't help them.
Anyways, After I graduated, I got a great job paying about $120K per year, and was accepted into a top MBA program in Chicago (I travel to Chicago once per week for classes). This job required that we move about 50 miles away. I stayed at this job for just over a year, but the culture and environment was so unhealthy I actually started to suffer depression (no prior experience with depression). I started to let go of things I cared about, my grades were slipping, and I found myself not really smiling from being happy but smiling from force of habit/appropriateness.
Anyways, things got really bad for me and my husband and I decided I would quit my job and focus on acquiring a small business (which has always been our dream).
The kid adjusted much better to the second move. He has all A's and two B's at school. He is an avid hockey player and is at the rink practicing 5-6 days a week. He even has a pretty little girlfriend. He's adamant that he never wants to move again.
Fast forward to 3 months later. The business deal fell through and we're super disappointed about it. We've spent thousands getting prepared to take over this business in our city but unfortunately it didn't work out.
Current situation: my husband is currently a VP. He makes good money but we lost a lot of income when I quit my job.
He's been looking for a new position for a couple of reasons. Things are getting really rough at his current place of employment. They were just bought out and all the higher level executives are at each other's throats and stabbing each other in the back, because they know the new owners won't keep all of them. This makes his day to day life more stressful.
Also, he wants to be able to supplement some of the income I was making/would have been making with the business venture. This will also help me start a new business of making fine wood crafts and custom furniture.
This week he's staying up in Michigan, about four hours from here, interviewing for a President position. He's one of two candidates and I have no doubt he'll get an offer (he's amazing!)
I have really no attachment to where we're living aside from a little part time job I have, horseback riding lessons and Irish dance lessons. I'm sure I can find those things up in Michigan too though.
My concern is for my son though. I'm so worried about moving him again. I'm not worried that he won't adjust again, I think he will. He has such big dreams and he wants to get a scholarship to pay hockey for Notre Dame. I'm sure all of that will continue. I'm just so conflicted about sending him through the emotional trauma of moving again.
We discussed my husband moving to Michigan and coming home on weekends, so that my son and I would stay here But, my son has made so many exceptional improvements since having a male role model in his life, that I feel losing that will do more harm that moving again. We're a family and need to stay together.
If this all goes through, my kid and I would stay where we are until the end of the school year and then move in the summer. My husband would move immediately.
So Reddit, WIBTA if I moved my kid a third time in three years?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
gIid4sfbxltRvhaPjsDQR1SS5rsizCO0
|
ajehej
|
{
"description": "not supporting my friend with her relationship",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not supporting my friend with her relationship?
|
Let me give some context. Around September, my close friend (X) and I met someone around a year older than us (Y). I met him through a class that he later dropped, and I thought he was kind of cute (I am a bisexual man). Later on, I introduced him to her after class one day (keep in mind that she knew about my affection for Y). For several months, we’ve had a pretty good friend group, and the three of us would always hang out, get lunch and coffee, etc. After a while, I became suspicious of the whole situation. After hanging out with Y alone (we work out together sometimes), he told me that he felt something for X. I eventually couldn’t keep the secret from Y. After I told her, we were very conflicted because she didn’t want to date him originally, but said she wanted to “try it out” now. Because the situation caused us to have a few arguments and made us upset, we made an agreement which stated that neither of us could pursue him romantically in order to preserve the friendship between the three of us. Roughly a week ago, Y told me that she that she wanted to date him for several months, and they have gone on several dates, lying to me about them in the process. I’m now pretty mad about the situation, and it makes me upset to think about how I may lose two of my close friends because of this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
ThpBzGDQbuy22cSAF1GNfakjbChze7ia
|
b00hj3
|
{
"description": "considering cutting Ties with a pregnant friend because of my issues with the topic",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA if I'm Considering Cutting Ties With A Pregnant Friend Because Of My Issues With The Topic?
|
I have a friend that I've been talking to for several months now; I'm very slow to make friends because of my mental health, it makes it difficult for me to branch out and try to communicate. This friend is important to me, I'm involved in their life at this point, as I know all their friends, people they've dated, places they've been recently, even though we haven't been friends for very long.
​
That friend revealed to me that they were pregnant recently, though I've had suspicions mounting over the past few weeks. They got back together with a male ex, they've been complaining about back pain and nausea, looking for a better paying job, etc. I had to ask them up front because they didn't tell me when they found out about two weeks ago. I don't have very many details on the matter, other than they seem utterly distraught over the whole situation, and that the girl they were seeing broke up with them.
​
The problem is, pregnancy and children are the two things that cause panic attacks in me. Even writing the word gives me stomach cramps that last for hours or cold sweats that linger. I have a phobia, to the point where I considered drastic measures when I had a pregnancy scare about half a year ago. I do my best in public, but it almost always comes with sweating or vomiting or a breakdown afterward.
​
This friend has told me that they are depending on me for emotional support while their life is in shambles, and I've tried my best to comfort them over the phone, via texts, or personal visits. But it's taken a toll on me. All they talk about with me now is their pregnancy, how hard it is, how their life is ruined, and it's getting to a point where I'm becoming so overwhelmed with it all that I start getting stomach cramps whenever I've seen that they've messaged me.
​
I haven't told them about my phobia; I intended to before, but now I feel as though it would be selfish to do so. Pregnancy is an enormous amount of stress, and I know it's the most important thing in their life right now. I feel like, my stupid phobias seem meager and unimportant. I've rarely discussed it with people in the past, if they have had children or are around children, and normally just slowly evaporated from that person's life to avoid causing them trouble. I've been considering doing the same with this friend, lessening our contact more and more until it's minimal, before vanishing entirely. They'll have a child that I will fear coming into contact with despite the enormous amount of therapy I've been through to ease the problem.
​
TL;DR: A close friend of mine is pregnant, and I have a debilitating phobia of children and pregnancy as a concept. I haven't told them about my phobia and they've told me they're relying on me right now for emotional support. Am I the asshole for considering ghosting them?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
rEL9UTLLodwmmA1vWtktTjAknyf4O4mQ
|
b4vqsk
|
{
"description": "not wanting wear different trousers despite my girlfriend wants me to",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting wear different trousers despite my girlfriend wants me to.
|
I got 2 same trousers same. I wear them 365/year. My girlfriend forces me to buy new ones because it looks weird to have same trousers on each photo and she says it looks like i wear one trousers whole year. But i love my trousers and do not want different ones.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
yj7QQ4RlFpm5DwIK3lWMU9bO7LbLxUb3
|
b0iqj6
|
{
"description": "walking home from my girlfriends apartment",
"pronormative_score": 94,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA 23M For walking home from my 21F girlfriends apartment.
|
On Saturday night my girlfriend picked me up for my house to hang out and have dinner. I decided to stay the night and go home in the morning. Well It was a wonderful day to go out and take a walk. I even offered to take her dogs for a walk earlier in the morning. Which she said no and gave no reason for. After sitting around waiting for to be ready to take me home. I thought it would be a good idea to just walk. So I went into her room, she was about to shower. Told her I was leaving and I would see her later. She asked if someone was picking me up, I said no I was going to walk. She starts saying I wont be much longer just a shower and I can take you. I said its cool Ill just walk I want to anyways. She then starts making up excuses as to why I shouldn't walk. Its to far, no one walks home, offers to take me home then. I told her it is not that far of a walk, I like to walk and don't worry about. She gets pissed off and just jumps in the shower without saying anything after that. I went for my walk. Some info about the walk. It was at 11:00am on a Sunday morning in one of the more wealthy parts of town. According to google maps it is 4miles, one street all the way down crosses 2 intersections. No big deal I have walked further then this before. I was having a wonderful walk get about half way there when she calls yelling and screaming at me for walking home. Telling me I better get in the car when she pulls up. I start thinking to myself what is this nonsense. It is just walk but whatever I will get in the car. When I get in the car she starts yelling and screaming telling me to never do that again and that I shouldn't have gone on the walk. I say it was just a walk it is not that far anyways. I was really enjoying it. She doesn't seem to care and start exaggerating on the distance of the walk. I don't really say much kinda in shock that she is yelling at me like I am a child. We get to the house I get out of the car she slams on her gas and drives off. I then receive a text saying never do that in my presence again. I respond with I will do whatever I want. It was just a walk. This breaks off into a whole different argument that I will spare the details of. Unless wanted. So Am I? I am very confused on this still.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Eg6B4AJzhm4ysNhbub4pq0nrHsIaJcRn
|
ac79b3
|
{
"description": "sending away a solicitor",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Sending Away a Solicitor?
|
This just happened, and I'm wondering if I was rude in the moment.
At work, we recently moved office buildings, and the one we're currently in is an unlocked building. When we first moved into our office, we got a lot of people just walking in off the street and soliciting to us, so our boss put up a sign outside the door that says "No soliciting, please. Thank you." It's the only thing on the door besides our company name.
Just now, a guy walks in in a full suit (it's Florida and 80 degrees out, so I felt for the guy) and makes a joke or two about why he's here. I asked him a couple times what I could help him with, and he finally got to the point.
"I'm actually working with T-Mobile to bring businesses better service. Is the head of the office around?" My boss was in his office, but I knew he wouldn't want to hear from this guy, so I decided to let him down gently.
"No, sorry, he's in a meeting. Now's not really a good time." Then I looked pointedly at the door he had just come through.
Then he says, "Well, I'm actually allowed to extend this promotion to employees as well, who's your carrier?"
At this point, I'm annoyed. He's clearly interrupting the work day and our open office space, which I know is his job, but I shouldn't have even entertained him in the first place, since I know he saw the sign when he walked in. So I say, quietly, "Listen, man, you're not supposed to be soliciting here. There's a sign on the door that's pretty clear."
He says, "Ha, yeah, I hate solicitors too!" At that point, I just looked at him and then at the door and waited. He thanked me, I thanked him in return, and he left.
When he left, my coworkers all climbed out of the woodwork to ask what he wanted. When I told them what transpired and what I'd said, a few people had raised eyebrows, and one person said, "You really said that to him?" So now I'm worried that maybe I was rude and should have just let him do the spiel and said "No, thank you," at the end.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
yflAW3y0Mwp3Z4ywc2UrZClhtAQuAqKp
|
adp9bi
|
{
"description": "not showing up to game night",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not showing up to game night?
|
Hello, first time posting and not sure if imgur links are allowed, if so then there will be a nice link to the exact conversation in question here:
​
[https://imgur.com/a/GKWJCFp](https://imgur.com/a/GKWJCFp)
​
In case it's not allowed, here is the story in full. I DM for several friends a DND game and we had a request from one of the players to have our game on Monday instead of our normal Tuesday because his Birthday was Tuesday and he might be doing things that don't involve us. It was going to end up being just two of my three players at first since the third player couldn't make a Monday game so I was going to prepare a one shot game... until two days before the game when the player whose house we host the game at invited his roommate to play with us. He would be playing for the first time and I was more than willing to introduce someone to the game. I prepared a quick newbie game, made the NPCs, made character sheets for the players. I was ready.
​
A half hour before I'm ready to head out for the game I get a message from the host that the roommate might not make it, and then as I am on the road I get confirmation from the host that roommate is not going to make it. The following conversation happens via our group chat:
​
Me: "So... board game night?"
​
Host: "No!"
Host: \*crying emoji\*
​
Me: "Ok... I guess I'll head home then."
​
Then silence. Nobody said anything in the group chat for 50 minutes. I thought the night was called and done until I get a text asking where I'm at and an argument ensues. The main point seems to be that I should have known Host was joking and come to hang out anyway, and that I should have clarified that I WASN'T joking by saying I was heading home.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
4hYlYg4bRuYclXvn8J8cMNicFQGLK8hq
|
aebmvs
|
{
"description": "wanting to dump a girl after finding out she has an STD",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for wanting to dump a girl after finding out she has an STD?
|
So I (32m) started dating a new girl (26f) after a disgusting horrible divorce from my wife who I’ve been with for like 15 years..
So I was super patent and deliberate in choosing a girl to date, turning down lots of others over the last year or so of separation... Then I met this girl and she is like EVERYTHING I want in a woman, and I could really see myself having a long-term relationship with her.
We took things slow and waited about a month to have sex, just fooling around and doing other stuff. Then when the time came she stopped me right before and told me she had been living with herpes since the age of 19.. She was very mature and responsible and understanding and said she’d give me time to think about it, but...TBH I’m fucking freaking out. I’m terrified that this could affect me and my life forever if I end up being with her.
I basically told her all of this, and broke up with her. I said that I couldn’t risk my health or well being and that I’ve been through too much to not give myself every chance at happiness. She says I’m being immature and I’m an asshole and insists that it’s really no big deal.
So, am I being an asshole?? I sure feel like one... But at this point in my life and with a daughter who I basically raise alone I need to be selfish with my time and my life. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What are my options? Help me out Reddit, I’m feeling pretty f’ed up over this...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 20,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
w5MZmHGMFqfDtR6j3TCG8QbhGa7JxBxX
|
adcpr9
|
{
"description": "not being supportive of my girlfriend through medical issues",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not being supportive of my girlfriend through medical issues?
|
I have been with my girlfriend for 9 years, we’ve been long distance for 2 of those years (I know so crazy! We saw each other regularly though and I know she has been loyal). We are both in our late 20s.
About 2 years ago she started noticing that she had issues with her body. She had been in college at the time finishing her second to last semester and was during it, she got sick and she had to go to the hospital for severe abdominal pain.
The doctor’s could not find anything wrong with her and she was referred to a rheumatologist. When she got her blood results, she was told that she possibly had an autoimmune but they couldn’t pinpoint the exact one.
She kept going on with school and kept trying to find out what was going on with her. She is a bit of a hypochondriac so she will go to doctors but she’s also scared to take medication because of possible severe side effects. She also has extreme anxiety and slightly dependent on her mother, who is essentially her best friend.
Anyways as I said earlier, we are long distance. Like she lives in Florida and I live in Massachusetts. Before I moved up there, I had asked her what she thought of possibly moving up there after she graduated in December 2017. She said yes.
Anyways, she moves up here with some of her stuff and immediately arrived to one of the coldest winter’s in Massachusetts history. She stayed here for like 2 months and then went down to get more stuff for her move. What was supposed to be 3 weeks, turned into 2 months.
During those 2 months she was feeling terrible again. Feeling pain in her abdomen and also had a lot of feminine issues that scared her. She was desperate to find an answer and somehow ended up going to a homeopathic doctor who put her on some strict food regimen.
She moves back up and finds a job that paid very little and made her do the work for two people at two locations. In all honesty, this job sucked and with her stress and anxiety, she kept having flair ups. She had a really nasty flair up and she said screw that job and she quit.
After quitting she said she was going to go down to Florida for a few weeks with a one way ticket. I knew that meant that she was going to be there for an indefinite amount of time (her mom works for an airline and can fly for very cheap). Well turns out I was right. She has been gone since early September.
This entire time has been very stressful for me. I had high hopes of having a present partner and she let me down with that part of it. Down there she has gone to a bunch of doctors trying to get answers. Over this time I gave her an ultimatum and told her she needs to be back by feb 1 or I am done.
Like 2 weeks ago she went to a rheumatologist and got blood drawn and it was found out that she had serious issues. Her doctor told her that if she doesn’t do anything about it, it could be dangerous. The doctor prescribed her a medication called Plaquenil. My girlfriend googled it and she found that it had a possibility of serious side effects such as blindness and a weakened immune system leaving her susceptible to infections.
Anyways she decides that she does not want to take the medication and she is going to the homeopathic doctor and doing natural healing and will need more time and won’t be able to come up on Feb 1.
This enraged me because I am a firm believer of evidence based medicine and I do not believe in alternative medicine. I told her she still needs to come up and she was crying and I could tell she was scared. I want to support her so bad. I offered to help her portion of the rent and to get her on my health insurance (luckily my job allows) and I started going off on her about how she’s ignoring her doctor’s orders and putting her life at risk over some bs natural witchcraft. That pissed her off. I told her feb 1 she better come up or like I said we are done. She said I am not supportive, that my offer of helping her financially is just so I can hold it over her head.
I truly love this girl. She is my rock. We have been together for a long time and we had lived together in the past and made it through a break up due to some infidelity on my part. When I moved up for work in 2016 she had 2 years left of school so I waited. I feel like I am throwing out my soulmate for being impatient but goddamn do I get annoyed she’s not following her doctor’s orders and I truly do love her.
Am I being the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
dwl19Mb8pR0wSndg1x3xBgRyBx7I0AP8
|
ahsjnu
|
{
"description": "telling my sister shes a bad mom for letting her child do whatever she wants",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for telling my sister shes a bad mom for letting her child do whatever she wants.
|
I'm 19 and still live at home with my dad and have 3 dogs. My sister is 21 and she recently moved back in because her and her man are having issues. But that doesn't bother me, what bothers me is that she let's her 2 and a half year old daughter do whatever she wants with no consequences. It doesn't help that my dad also takes her side all of the time and he also sees no wrong in her doing. The last straw before I said something to them is when her daughter hit my dog hard as crap on the head with a hard plastic wand thing and I yelled at her for doing it and she started crying. Then my sister and dad yelled at me and told me to put the dogs downstairs. I just told them to teach her the difference between right and wrong instead of taking the easy way out. Their argument is that she is to young and I said shes not young enough not to know the difference between yes and no. I told my sister I wish she moved back out and shes a bad mom in the sense that she lets her child do anything and when she grows up she is going to be a demon child that's going to make her life miserable. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 24,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
7gNc5Nx1d3ZESey3Sbns3L7BnCkXgDo6
|
aaw4st
|
{
"description": "asking someone to hurry up in the bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking someone to hurry up in the bathroom?
|
So this happened a few years back, and I no longer live with this roommate (not because of issues, he moved away to pursue a master's)
One morning before work, my roommate was taking longer than usual in the only bathroom in the house. Normally we had it down pretty well so that I was done in time to catch my bus. But that day he took an extra 15 min.
Because of this I decided to knock on the door and politely remind him that I need to get ready for work. I may have used the words "hurry up" but I don't think my tone or intention was aggressive, just informative.
When I knocked and said this, he blew up on me. He opened the door, started yelling, waving his razor and saying "you don't knock and bother someone while they are in the bathroom".
I was a little intimidated, but I just held my ground, said that I was going to be late to work because of him, and I don't appreciate being yelled at.
I come from a house that had two bathrooms and 7 people living in at (at least at one point). Knocking to let someone know you need the restroom (either if you couldn't hold it or you had to be somewhere) was never an issue. So I didn't think it would be an issue in a house with 3 people and on bathroom. AITA for knocking and asking someone to speed it up a little?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
zi7JG584l8eutuaEQkSBYLOd9Aol6JMn
|
auvibn
|
{
"description": "being mad at my mom for getting a dog",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being mad at my mom for getting a dog
|
Alright so here’s some background information; I am in high school and I do online school, which means I’m always home. I live with my mom, brother, and sister. My mom is a teacher so she leaves for work in the morning and gets home at around 4. My sister has a job with varying hours. My brother mainly just stays in his room.
So I’ve been wanting a dog for a while, and a week before my mom got a dog, I had taken care of a friends dog. Let’s just say I was very unprepared for this. I never actually put any thought into how much work a a dog is, and by the end of taking care of this dog, I felt drained. Now the dog I took care of wasn’t even a “bad dog,” she was trained and basically just slept all day. For some reason, I still felt exhausted, even though I only took care of her for a day and a half. After the friend had taken back their dog, I had texted our family group chat that I felt so drained and that I didn’t want a dog anymore.
Now a few days later, my mom texted our group chat saying that she’s getting a dog. My response was basically neutral and I didn’t say anything about not wanting a dog. I understand that I probably should have but I don’t think that would’ve changed anything.
It’s been about 2 weeks since we she brought the dog home and I just really wish that she would’ve asked if we were all on board with getting him. I don’t hate him or anything, I just don’t like having him, if that makes any sense. I’m the one always home, so I’m the one that basically takes care of him. My mom says that if I don’t want to be with him, then I can just go to my room, but I feel guilty leaving him alone. He’s really energetic and needs a lot of attention, which is basically the opposite of me. I like being alone and just staying in my room all day doing work. I feel bad for being a little mad at my mom for getting him, and I feel bad for not wanting him. So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fZxbNjI4MYgrQDRAdhT1ImZ8DKsCsBor
|
an0wrn
|
{
"description": "wanting to tell my roommate I'm done with him and to shove it",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to tell my roommate I'm done with him and to shove it
|
So I've been roommates with a guy friend for the last four years because him and his old roommate had a falling out, so I let him move in with me, in my house I'm renting from my folks. It's not a big house at all, it even has a door way between our rooms, but no door.(Its just the way the house is built)
Any time he had a problem I would do what I could to fix it. It started off with simple request and I didn't mind putting up with it because he pays his side of the bills but, he has gotten worse since I got a boyfriend.
He now eats most of the food I buy, specially the junk food and he doesn't buy any (He ones ate over 85% of a family size lasagna by himself in two days). He has no issues dirting up dishes, but won't wash a single one after they pile up in his room for three weeks. (No joke, in four years of living here, he might have wash them 5 times). He doesn't clean up the house at all because he's tired from work and it's not his problem, that I need to do it.
He has bitch that I need to stop listing to creepy stories or crepy documentaries while I sleep because he can hear it and it bothers him, that maybe I should just sleep with the tv off. He sleeps anywhere between 8 PM to 7 AM and between those times, if I make a sound louder than a whisper, he gets mad.
Now the icing on the cake is that he has made it very well known he doesn't like it when I have sex with my boyfriend and when i mean well known, he has slammed doors as soon as he has gotten home to tell me he is home and to shut up (again, it's a tiny house) he has even texted me ten minutes after the fact, just to tell me we woke him up. (I just got a text tonight from him that reads, "you wake me up every night").
He won't shit when my boyfriend is around or awake. He wont say anything to my face, but he sure likes to text me all his issues and complaints. I've bent the knee more times than I can count to make him happy, hell I've even try to change my life style so he would shut up, but this has just finally built up and I can't take it anymore. I love my night owl life style, I love my creepy stories, and I love banging my man loudly! He knew all this about me before he moved in, he has no problem with any of this until my boyfriend is around. I'm just lost for words. I don't think I'm the Ass, but according to him I am one and being extra disrespectful on top of that. So I ask yall, AITA? Or should I tell him to go play jump rope in traffic?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
aiq5op
|
{
"description": "not stopping for a bunch of kids",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not stopping for a bunch of kids?
|
I was walking on a fairly busy street when a group of five teenage boys said "Excuse me?". As I was worried that they may be trying to rob me because I was outnumbered, I walked on. When I passed by again 10 minutes later, they were gone.
After that, I realised that the school nearby is having an Open Day and those kids were most likely asking for directions. Now I felt bad about ignoring them. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Pb0A0gsDeut2gjlCeZ7RII3gh2tVY9Sv
|
b613fo
|
{
"description": "demanding that customers pay for their food down to the cent",
"pronormative_score": 61,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for demanding that customers pay for their food down to the cent?
|
I work in a popular cash only pizza shop on the beach in a large city. I’m an overnight cashier there, and am responsible for all money handling in the restaurant and taking to go orders. Over the past year and a half, I can’t count how many times customers have called me an asshole for insisting on receiving the full cost of an item- usually this is over pocket change because they don’t want to break their bills. I simply state “I need to make sure my drawer is correct.” When they tell me they’ll get the change out of their car, I give them their money back and tell them to come back when they are ready to pay in full. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 61,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 61,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
bzR7hEEYCV84pDnB9xDCpMy3QYeJtF0T
|
ahe6ul
|
{
"description": "pooping in the designated \"no pooping\" bathroom in my office at work",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for pooping in the designated “no pooping” bathroom in my office at work?
|
AITA:
Everyone in my office (mostly women) seems obsessed with who poops in which bathroom. There is one women’s bathroom upstairs where all of the cubicles are, and there are several downstairs where the main lobby, kitchen, and everything else is. On my first day here the HR rep told me the downstairs bathrooms were the designated “pooping”bathrooms. I’ve heard office gossip about one girl who allegedly poops in the upstairs bathroom just to spite everyone. At an office meeting yesterday one of the women in my office made an announcement to reiterate this rule, and complained that someone had pooped in the upstairs bathroom and that it smelled up the entire office. Even though whoever pooped had used the air freshener that’s in there, this apparently only caused the two smells to mingle. I feel that this is extremely petty and on the level of high school girl behavior. Especially to bring it up in a meeting as if it’s official business worth sharing to everyone. Personally I use the upstairs bathroom to poop if all of the downstairs bathrooms are full or if I just don’t feel like going all the way downstairs. I do feel a little spiteful when doing so because I feel they are being so petty about their “rule”. However my cubicle is not near the bathroom so I actually can’t be sure if it truly smells or not. I also don’t think that my poop ever smells that bad or strong, but I can’t be sure of that either because people tend to be a little smell blind to their own poop. I understand being disgusted by the smell of someone else’s poop, I also think it’s super gross. I just feel that these women take it too far, so I continue to poop upstairs. Am I the asshole for spitefully pooping upstairs, and possibly putting the petty women through the uncomfortable experience of having to smell my poop?
(FYI I was given the name of the woman who is accused of spitefully pooping upstairs, it’s not me. Again I’m not sure if they know that I poop upstairs or not)
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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BO4VeDklKKuHryrPDu9O507Q9yMCAsdN
|
afmf4k
|
{
"description": "pulling boyfriend away who was short at a waitress",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for pulling boyfriend away who was short at a waitress?
|
This actually happened back in like August but I keep thinking about it and was reminded of it last night when we returned to the same place.
Back in August, my whole family went to a popular sports bar for my cousins 21st birthday and rented out the back of the restaurant because our family is quite large. Everything was fine and went well until it was time to leave.
Now the floor in the majority of the restaurant has that shitty outdoor carpet that you find at places such as this that isn't soft in any way but also isn't smooth either. I hope you guys know what I'm talking about.
Anyways, it was all carpeted besides this tile area by the hostesses podium. This area was slightly wet and kinda slippery from what I assume was a pop machine leaking. I slid a little and warned my family behind me but ultimately ignored it. It seemed fresh and I was sure someone would clean it up.
My boyfriend, however, had a different plan. He rudely pulled aside a waitress (not the hostess who was literally right there) who was very busy in the middle of carrying a lot of stuff and sneered at her that the floor was wet and they should "probably clean it up or at least put a sign down." He was very rude and I, feeling for then girl and being a waitress myself, pulled his arm away and told him to stop being rude. I was very embarrassed especially since he did this in front of my family and I thought they'd take my side but the opposite happened. My family kind of told me not to yell at him (I was not yelling in the slightest, I assume they meant scolding) but I kinda brushed it off and kept walking. This whole interaction was maybe 30 seconds long.
I was the first to admit that I shouldn't have called him out like that and apologized for it but still told him that was rude and he should have been more polite and found a different employee and told them in a non-condescending way.
The next weekend at a family BBQ my aunt came at me and told me that she was glad he said something and that I shouldn't have scolded him. I told her that it wasn't the fact that he said it but the way, that I knew I should have went about it a different way, and apologized but still thought he was wrong.
She kind of brushed me off and everyone treated me like I was some overdramatic bitch and even jokingly said stuff to each other about how they can't believe I want to be a teacher when I am so impatient and that I need to get checked for bipolar. I just ignored it.
Maybe this is irrelevant, but I think my family pities him a lot because his parents are shitty and are overly aware of my actions because I am and always have been very strong-willed, even as a child. I have always got the vibe that they think he's a poor defenseless guy and I'm a quick to get angry girlfriend. This is not true though. I have a slight temper but I rarely get short with my boyfriend and admit/apologize when I do. I just don't tolerate bullshit and will call it out when I see it. Up until that day, I had never done this to my boyfriend in front of them (or ever even in mean way in general) It's hard to describe. I didn't even think I was that mean to him during this incident, just that I should have talked to him about it afterward.
So what do you guys think? I know I should have said something in private, but am I the only asshole or were both of us wrong here?
Also, sorry if the format is weird, I'm on mobile.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
9XkeOdqApIFrkxi5V0ayeqOxuAcLuZH7
|
b7i9ri
|
{
"description": "wanting to be alone",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For wanting to be alone?
|
I go to a large school where most kids have a rough home life so everyone is asshole-ish all the time. When I have free time I like to spend it alone because social interaction is taxing to me and I need a break sometimes. However, my mom wants to spend with me when we are together because she has a busy job and is working most nights. I usually curl up on the couch with her and we watch a movie, or tell her that I need some time to myself and she listens and leaves me alone.
Some days though (like today), my door is closed and my music is on and my homework is being done and every ten minutes she pops in saying: “You want to go for a walk?” Or “What to watch a movie?” Or “Want to read next to me.”
The answer is always, “Maybe tomorrow mom, I’m enjoying my alone time.” I feel guilty though because she looks really sad when I say that and I don’t want to make her feel bad, but on the other hand, in the past when I’ve spent time with her when I’ve wanted to be alone I snap at her and make her feel worse.
I know this is stupid and wayyy longer than expected and you don’t want to hear a 13 year old gripe, but I want some confirmation that I’m doing the right thing (or not) by turning her down.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
JXkDIWSCEOq6RB4PrmVGKwsgggfeyifE
|
b4wy56
|
{
"description": "not returning a borrowed car seat",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for not returning a borrowed car seat?
|
Friends let us borrow their infant car seat when our baby was born. They live far away and we only see them once or twice a year. Our kids grew out of the car seat about a year ago. We put it in our basement - which flooded. When having the repairs done to the basement, the workers threw out the car seat (everything had to be thrown out because of a mold issue). Just saw the couple today and they asked for the car seat back (despite not having any more kids or any use for it). Felt like an asshole when I told them what happened. Couldn't get a good read on whether they were mad. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
s7yfMX6i30HYIULgUATZsgo9FVzAq6BJ
|
ak8kfg
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang out that much with my very extroverted roommate",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang out that much with my very extroverted roommate?
|
This might be better suited for another subreddit but I’m really at a loss. For some background, I have pretty bad social anxiety, not enough that I never go out, but enough that I avoid going out if possible. I was talking to my current roommate about how I hated telling my old roommate that I didn’t really want to hang out and she laughed and jokingly said, “You better not do that to me next year.” For whatever reason, I was honest and said that I probably would (I can’t remember how I said it but I did try to be light-hearted). Now, she’s really upset and asking what’s the point of being friends now if we won’t be friends next year and I’m trying to explain that we’ll still be friends, but it’s just very hard for me to talk to people, no matter how close we are. So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
avlIeVBGfwFgD5aMC8FPPzzZeV1Ya5FX
|
b85y0o
|
{
"description": "trying to defend a clinic attendant in a dispute with an aggressive parent, yet I almost got him fired for it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for trying to defend a clinic attendant in a dispute with an aggressive parent, yet I almost got him fired for it
|
Last month at the community clinic, I was queuing at the pharmacy after my checkup (both pharmacy and doctor’s clinic are within the same building). It was my turn but a parent (P) with a teenage child of about 15 years old, cut in front of me and requested for an express service. This is a common practice, where express service is reserved for elderly, disabled, pregnant females, etc.
P requested for an express service for her daughter who is severely asthmatic. The daughter looked fine, to me at least. The clinic attendant (CA) wanted to give an express queue number to P, but discovered a problem with the prescription. The CA called his boss (which I am guessing is the pharmacist) and showed the prescription. The pharmacist informed P that she will need to check with the doctor regarding several issues on the prescription (which I am not privy to what the issue is). The child was asked a few questions and she looked fine to me, although that is my own judgement.
P was very annoyed with it and berated CA. P requested that CA apologize immediately for not prioritizing her asthmatic daughter, but CA was trying his best to explain the discrepancy on the prescription, and the check with the doctor will not take long. Nevertheless, P started throwing accusations at CA and saying CA was rude, not professional, etc.
I noticed the queue was getting longer, and some elderly patients are behind me. I lost my patience and told her off. I scolded P and told her to let the pharmacy staffs do their job, and her yelling will not improve things. The argument got heated and voices were raised, to my regret. I’m not trying to push the blame away from my outburst, but to my surprise, none of the pharmacy staff immediately stepped forward to serve the other patients. I did not want to argue further, so I sat down and ignored P when the other patients were being attended to by CA. The angry P threatened to file a complaint and sue me as well, but I continued to ignore her. The pharmacist soon got the information she needed and attended to the patient immediately.
I did not give this issue much thought, until three weeks later when I was due for my checkup again. I noticed the CA was not there, and I casually asked a friendly clerk at the community clinic if he was around. The clerk recognized me as I was a regular, and quietly told me that CA was temporarily suspended pending an internal investigation over the matter above. Apparently, P filed a complaint to the clinic director. I was told CA will most likely not be fired, but the temporary suspension will be in effect until this matter is resolved, and P is satisfied with the investigation/apology. I felt really bad because I am directly involved in it. I’m also aware that this clinic has a bad track record on defending their own employees and matters of employee welfare.
So, AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ZlK5iqtfbOs4yaRM50BuRu3aFkiPIzF5
|
ahm7yb
|
{
"description": "telling my fiancé I feel borderline abused because for these last few months her bipolar has her yelling at me and it's eroding my self esteem",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my fiancé I feel borderline abused because for these last few months her bipolar has her yelling at me and it’s eroding my self esteem.
|
Well I’m not using a throwaway or anything for this, you can see in my post history multiple mentions of my SO and mentions of our 5 year relationship and counting if you feel you can’t take me at my word (just thought I’d ward off the early SHP judgements) and also to those of you whose best advice is “leave her” “she sounds terrible” all that other stuff save your fingers some effort, I’m here to find out if I’m the asshole. I love that girl with every fiber of my body and want to spend the rest of my days on this earth with her weather it means taking care of her or enjoying the time with her. Would take moving some mountains to change how I feel about her.
Anyways as mentioned in the title my fiancé suffers from bipolar disorder, which can be as much of an issue to me as it is to her depending on what’s going on. Her negative manifests consist of severe depressive lows with really inwards focused depressions, however if I happen to accidentally make her upset any of her petpeeves anything like that while she is on a low she will yell at me. Things that would usually be super simple interactions become like diffusing a bomb with the potential of an explosion. And as much of a shock as it might be, full grown man and all, this shit is really getting to me. It actually hurts me because I value her opinion so highly and every time she puts me down like that my self worth/opinion suffers.
So this brings me to my questionable behavior, after a couple months of this type of situation arising fairly regularly I straight told her that I feel like our once awesome relationship had turned a tad abusive emotionally on my end and she asked me to explain, when I was done putting it to her as I’ve put it to you here she was reduced to tears wondering how she could do that to me and telling me it wasn’t her intention. To sum it up I was walking on eggshells and felt very unwanted/unloved. She honestly didn’t realize it, probably because of the BPD although I don’t know. And now I often catch her crying relating back to the feeing that she was abusing me far more often than I think about her negative treatment of me (notice I said was because after this discussion, she decided to try just walking away rather than yelling and it’s been working wonderfully) and I actually feel really bad and feel like I may have gone and crossed a line that can’t really be uncrossed.
So reddit AITA for calling my fiancé out?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
W4XehGmXfR9eJPVnFy4gHmXOQ3d48tef
|
9xrh83
| null |
AITAH: Chick on my Facebook was asking if she should throw a brick through her neighbors window.
|
So this random chick I have on my Facebook made a post asking people if she should throw a brick through her redneck neighbors window. Her justification was because he put up a rebel flag in it. Then all of her “friends” started to suggest throwing bricks at his face as well and breaking in to his home and stealing it.
So I commented that while I know it’s the “unpopular opinion” of the post, it was wrong to assault, rob or vandalize him just because they didn’t agree with his particular taste in drapery.
Actual comment : “I mean unpopular opinion here obviously but it’s his house and window. He does have a right to free speech, you can think he is a douch for hanging it. Talking about breaking his window or a lot of the things a lot of people in here are talking about is just as bad as any right wing Fox News comments section about gay pride. People have a right to fly any flag they want, you can think they are a asshole for it but it’s crossing the line to threaten to violently rip it down or assault him because you don’t agree 🤷🏻♀️”
So now I’m being painted as a racist and while I expressed many times I don’t agree with what the flag stands for he still has a right to own/display it in his home and property without being threatened with a “brick to the face” for having a, while shitty as it is, flag displayed.
Am I the asshole for defending his right and does that acually make me racist?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
B8yMwp7GJEK1eeAZHujvOuJnK1K0PSOe
|
auo9a7
|
{
"description": "talking to my instructor about my project partner",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I talked to my instructor about my project partner?
|
I'm in my third (technically second) year of a community college program. I split my second year in two after failing a first year program due to the workload. My partner did the same thing, varying courses (and he took a year off. So he wasn't in my class last year).
One of the courses we are both in has a year-long partnered project that is very important. We haven't done quite as well as I'd liked, and my partner has given me the idea that he also wanted to do better. However, he's consistently been putting off working on the project at every stage until either the day before it's due or straight up the day it IS due. I was, admittedly, not working as hard as maybe I should have been to make up for it, because I did 90% of the work at one stage when he had a friend/coworker pass away suddenly. Indtead of telling the teacher at all, he left all the work to me. On the day it was due he finally did work on it.
Now it's the end of February. We finish in April and go on a work-term for five weeks. My partner already has his, and it's more focused on the math aspects of our program. We were sitting with another girl to do mark-ups for each other, and he outright said "Yeah, I'm losing interest in Architecture. I don't care about working with AutoCAD or Revit, I only care about Estimating."
Somehow, finally physically hearing it makes me panic. We share a grade on this project. Suddenly being fully aware of the fact that he no longer cares about the project has me wanting to tell our teacher I'm very concerned. WIBTA to tell the teacher now, or would it still be valid to at least tell my teacher I'm concerned?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
2JN85bPAZBxS0nwL3EF1CUHwJ0Wf955n
|
awl7aq
|
{
"description": "not paying rent",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for not paying rent?
|
I used to go to uni out in a different state however I decided to take a break for at least a semester and just work. So I was still paying even though I don’t live there because I wouldn’t want my 3 other roommates to split the $510 a month because that’s just a huge burden to leave them with. As I mentioned, uni is in a different state so and I finally made it up there yesterday to see some clothes and video games gone and something that I ordered to there is gone too. I asked all of them if they had borrowed anything or if they know where some of the things had went and they all acted clueless. So as I was walking out, I told them that there was no point in me paying rent if I can’t even leave things there without worrying about them getting stolen. Maybe I’m still just pissed, but I’m truly not planning on paying rent for the rest of our lease which ends in July. I’d say that everything stolen was worth about $200 and I’d be screwing them out of about $2000 worth of rent money but I think it’s fair. So, Reddit, AITA for this?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
Rn01cWB3M1XY7KqfuyCCaCgogQbXUyJx
|
alpe5r
|
{
"description": "wanting to cut ties with my mother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to cut ties with my mother?
|
Am I the asshole for wanting to cut ties with the one person who has cared for me all my life?
So recently (since October last year) a lot of my life has changed. Me and my mum were very very close until I moved in with my boyfriend a few years ago. She wasnt happy that I chose to live with him than her because I did a lot to help her out, I took care of my younger siblings wiht special needs and kept the house clean and cooked the dinners and held down a job so I could pay her rent. My mum on the other hand hasnt had a job in years and spent a lot of that time sleeping or watching tv. At the time though I had no issue with this. In October of last year I met my dad for the first time in around 12 years (I'm 21). This came as a shock as my mum had told me that my dad had passed away and she told my dad that she had moved me out of the country so he wouldn't see me again. Me and my dad have now got a strong relationship and in recent times I've also met my mum's mother (my granny).
The problem comes here. All my life I've grown up with no money for myself. This has never bothered me because at the end of the day I wasn't allowed out to do anything and therefore had no need of money. I've also grown up being terrified of my granny because my mum told me she was violent toward my mother growing up and tried to kill her and abused her on multiple occassions. I confronted my granny about this because I realised some of what my mother was saying didn't make sense to me. As it turned out my granny has never been harmful or abusive toward her children and these were just lies my mother told in an effort to make me feel lucky about my upbringing. I've also found out that my granny has been putting away money for me every year since I was born so that I would be able to afford a house when I left school. This money was stolen by my mother also (totalling over £5000). Whilst speaking to my dad I also found out that during the time I thought he had passed away my mother was still in contact with him in an effort to get drugs. I also found out she lied to my dad that she was in a wheelchair in order to make him feel sorry for her. She also recently lied to me about having cancer and that it was killing her. The stress of thinking she was dying caused me to fail my A levels as I couldn't sleep and I struggled a lot with self harm as a way of coping. As it turns out, she never had cancer and was never going to die. I also found out as well that she has stolen a lot of items from myself and other family members and lied about how she obtained them, the most notable of which were books by charles dickens printed in the 1800's that belonged to my great uncle who was upset thinking he misplaced them .
I can't wrap my head around the lies she's told, as she's told me many more which I know to be false. I don't feel safe around her and I don't feel like I know who she is because everything I know about her is false. At the same time though, she's been the only constant in my life, she's raised me and clothed me and fed me and everything like that. I want so bad to confront her about these lies and to tell her that I don't want to speak to her anymore because she makes me feel so depressed and angry but at the same time I love her and don't want to hurt her.
Am I the asshole for wanting to cut ties with the one person who has cared for me all my life?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
KXO8EerpQVdW1oFnnZjmTWyMQETOGKP3
|
agynog
|
{
"description": "forcing my friends to walk home, in Nairobi",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for forcing my friends to walk home, in Nairobi?
|
Ok so I'm 16M and I live in Kenya. I don't yet have a drivers license but upon visiting family in the US I got my learners permit. My friends and I went to a party and they all got drunk, including the designated driver, so I had to drive his car. I had to drive his car in fucking Kenya where the roads are unkept and potholes are literally large enough to flip buses. Not to mention it was ILLEGAL for me to drive.
The dd had some plan to get everyone home that I didn't know but he wasn't really giving coherent responses when I asked him and neither were any of my friends, so I brought them all to my house. my parents and most of theirs are gone for a work trip for the next two weeks, (the dd is the only one whose parents don't work for the same office.) I had to walk them to my bed and cover for the dd when their parents called by telling them that they were sleeping over at my place.
I'm very difficult to anger so I was just slightly annoyed that I had to drive and sleep on the couch. In the morning I waited for them to wake up and explained/reminded them what happened. They all got mad at me on the grounds of endangering their lives and also not taking them home. so I retaliated by blaming them for making me commit a crime and saying that I did the best that I could given the shitty situation they provided to me. The dd stayed kind of quite throughout the whole argument.
Eventually I got so angry and kicked them out of my house, forcing them to walk home (because the dd didn't want to drive them), in Kenya, which is very dangerous. The dd stayed behind and helped my clean up my room etc. and apologized before he left. I haven't talked to any of them since.
I'm angry at them for blaming me but I kind of feel bad for making them walk home, and I am guilty of endangering their lives by driving and not bringing them home. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
brvgfHVeaSq6cLFKQteJNpvbPcLb0MTh
|
affdkz
|
{
"description": "tearing my family apart by standing up for myself",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for tearing my family apart by standing up for myself?
|
AITA? This one's a little murky, but I'll try to explain both sides as best as I can.
The family I'm referring to is my older brother, my father, and my mother. My brother's moved out, my parents live together (though they're both unhappy in the marriage), and I visit their house on the weekends to see my cat (I can't take him to the place I'm primarily staying at, and they're happy to keep him there. I made sure it was fine with them and offered to move somewhere if they didn't want him).
My mom and I have a horrible relationship. She's a covert narcissist--thinks she's a constant victim, needs to put others down to inflate her ego, etc.--and I am her target. At the age of 12, I confided to her that I was seriously considering suicide. She responded by yelling at me to grow up and slammed my door in my face. Ever since then... hoo boy. Constant insults, laughing at me when I cried, screaming in my face so much that I often ran from her in fear that she'd beat me (she never physically abused me, but I wouldn't put it past her).
When I was 14, I developed an abscess that burst (which is NOT good). Note: the abscess was right next to my rectum. To their credit, I didn't tell my parents that it was there because I hated myself and didn't want to give them another reason to potentially be disgusted with me, plus, it was mortifying. At this point, my dad wasn't anywhere as bad as my mom, but he ignored my problems and would just stare at me blankly whenever I cried/said I wanted to die/had a panic attack, so it's not like I felt comfortable talking to him. But to MY credit, this abscess was the worst pain I've ever felt. No exaggeration, every time I moved, the pain made me scream bloody murder. I didn't tell them what it was, but they knew very well that something was wrong. They did nothing, and once it burst, I realized that the infection that came with it had rotted away my flesh to the bone. My parents still forced me to go to school, and my dad only called the hospital when I collapsed in the hallway. It takes bloodwork to know for sure, but I think I had sepsis. Because my parents did nothing until that point, I couldn't walk without a cane for 6 months after my surgery. All this, and they lied that my pain medication wasn't addictive. I was worried about this because addictive personalities run in families and my mom was an alcoholic. I stopped taking it immediately.
Moving on, this is mostly shit I have with my mom. I don't like talking about what she said and did or else I might break down, which is why I'm keeping this relatively vague. My heart is pounding as I'm writing this. The things she did has given me complex PTSD. Once when I was having a PTSD attack, I pressed my back against my door (which didn't have a lock) as I cried as quietly as I could. Mom's response? She went ballistic. She threw herself against the door until I was knocked aside, where I curled into a ball in the corner, covering my neck in case she hurt me, screaming bloody murder because I was so goddamn afraid. She got an inch away from my face and screamed things like: "Why are you doing this to me!?" and "Why are you so afraid of progress!?"
The "progress" is referring to the "progress" we made while I was in a residential treatment center for 10 months. Family therapy sessions were required. I couldn't adequately explain my situation and what exactly my mom did to me because I still thought it was normal. My mom, being the charmer she is, convinced them that I blew things way out of proportion. The counselor forced me to apologize. I only did so to get out of that treatment center.
Now, semi-recently, I decided enough was enough. I stood up to my mother one day. I didn't call her names. I didn't say I hated her. I simply explained why I was always quiet when she was around. I explained that I was terrified of her, that I couldn't get over what she did to me, that our relationship would unfortunately never be the same. Cue the ballistic actions again. She called me "fucking evil" and pretty much made me out to be the devil. She followed me around the house, calling me names, all that.
She constantly goes to my dad and brother, crying that she doesn't know why her own child hates her, how awful it makes her feel. This is where the whole "tearing family apart" thing comes in. I told both of them my side. My dad doesn't believe me, and my brother thinks I need to get over it. I'm heartbroken because this is really affecting both of them. My brother loves my mom, and he broke down in tears because she was so "sad" over me. My dad is mostly angry with me. Their side is that I should forgive her already. She's never hit me, she put clothes on my back, fed me, drove me places, all that stuff. I was a privileged child, undoubtedly. That's why all this confuses me. Why does my mom do great things for me and do horrible things to me? Do I have a right to stand up for myself to parents who sheltered me?
I can't get over it--obviously, due to PTSD. Losing this fight and going back to my old self, who never questioned why Mom would do this to me, would absolutely shatter my heart. I'd kill myself, not even kidding. But by trying to prove that my mom hurt me and get justice for myself, I'm splitting my family up. I feel so alone, so invalidated, and so guilty. I sincerely want to know who's in the wrong. I think I'm not, but all the counselors I've spoken to are on her side because she did so much for me. Please help me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
GAVerkF70SxCpbIEV5WzIZObwHKmN5eV
|
ameoyh
|
{
"description": "saying \"yes\" and then saying \"no\" to renting out my house temporarily",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for saying “yes” and then saying “no” to renting out my house temporarily?
|
So I was breaking down a box at the recycling center of my condo community the other day when a neighbor comes out of her house and asks me if I would rent out my condo for a week in October to a friend of hers. She said I could stay at my parent’s house (I’m 36 years old). She told me she couldn’t do it this year. I said, “Yes, I’d be glad to” because I was caught off guard. I thought about it and emailed her back the next day saying thank you for thinking of me but I work from home and need a secure phone connection (true) and am using one of the two bedrooms for an office. So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
2xoJONpUGCtiT5NsCFPVMD6GjigJGR3N
|
9u68zb
|
{
"description": "calling karma on my friend who had TWO SEPARATE STD scares and didn't get tested till AFTER hearing the test results from the different chicks",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling karma on my friend who had TWO SEPARATE STD scares and didn’t get tested till AFTER hearing the test results from the different chicks?
|
And now he deleted me from his social media because what I said was “fucked up, dude.”
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Oob3noMbbjGBLHt1w1KRkBROSf0qEq33
|
auou2s
|
{
"description": "moving out of my parent's house",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I moved out of my parent's house?
|
Me and my SO moved in with my parents about two years ago. We pay half of all the bills and have never had any kind of financial disputes. It works out great because it's cheaper on everyone and we all save money.
SO & I get along great with my mother, but my father is a different story. To make a long story short he's a drug addict and neither of us can stand him. He emotionally abuses and manipulates my mother into giving him whatever he wants (most of the time money for drugs). He's also just an asshole person in general. His addiction started again (he's had issues with drugs all my life) shortly before we moved in with them. It's actually one of the main reasons we decided to move in. I know how he is when he's on pills, and I did not want my mother living alone with him. If I'm being completely honest, I hate my father.
Recently it's gotten to the point where I can't even be in the same room as him he pisses me off so much. My SO and mother work full time, while me and my father are unemployed, I am a full time college student though. It's left up to me to do ALL the cleaning. I, of course, don't expect my mom or SO to clean since they work, but it bothers me that he won't help out around the house at all.
So a few months ago me and my SO made tentative plans to start looking for a new place to live, but life decided to throw a big ol' pile of shit in our faces. My grandfather (who lives right next door to us) is very ill. He cannot do anything on his own, and my grandmother cannot take care of him by herself. This means me, my SO, and my mother all pitch in to help him. I love my grandfather and don't mind helping him at all.
Now we're conflicted. I don't want to leave my mother alone with my father, I don't want her to have all the responsibility of taking care of my grandfather, and she recently told me that the short-term disability my father was drawing ends this month, so she would be even more financially stressed if we were to move. I have told my mother several times over the past month that we are moving if she doesn't kick my father out. This sounds harsh, but the only times he's gotten better is when she sent him off to rehab. Also, she very frequently vents to me about him. She says she doesn't love him and gets almost as frustrated with him as I do. She has talked about kicking him out in the past, but never goes through with it.
Living with him has taken a toll on my mental health. I have started seeing a therapist again and have also had to up my antidepressants. She begs me not to move. She says she needs me, and she does. But I don't know if I can stand being here anymore. I despise him, and I'm honestly afraid I'm going to hurt either him or me if I don't leave (I have also told this to my mother.)
I would feel so guilty if I moved, but at this point I'm thinking it's my only option since she won't get rid of him.
So WIBTA?
On mobile & throwaway account for reasons.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
FpEStcqmTJokkQ2unsUCaq2h9Y5xI7du
|
b1lbza
|
{
"description": "asking my teammates to not take so long to leave after practice",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I ask my teammates to not take so long to leave after practice?
|
So for the club sport I play at university, I have a few practices each week, with a couple other teammates each day. One of my practices is supposed to take place in the evening and I have this practice with two other girls who I’m not too friendly with. We are nice to eachother and I don’t dislike them, but they arent the type of people I would be good friends with outside of the sport. For lack of a better way to describe them, they seem/act like stereotypical (from a movie) sorority girls and I’m not like that at all. The girls see eachother a lot during the week.
We carpool to the practice location; one of the other girls drives. However during our practice, from the time I get into the car to the time I get out of the car 3 hours later, these two girls act like I don’t exist. They barely say Hi to me and are constantly talking about whatever in the car. At breaks during the practice they are always taking amongst themselves. After practice and when we are cleaning up/getting ready to go, they are talking.
This talking makes the clean up, which should take 30mins max, last almost an hour for them and I’m left sitting around doing nothing while they talk. By the time we get back to campus, its usually 30 mins after our scheduled return time, sometimes more. On nights where I have a meeting or something similar, this is really frustrating. Even on nights when I don’t have anything in particular, its annoying that they’re talking constantly while they could be getting ready to leave.
When I’ve had events, I’ve asked them to leave on time, and they oblige (mostly) but I get the sense that they are annoyed by me. I usually don’t ask to leave on time if I don’t have anything important. But it’s become like this every week now and I’m annoyed by it.
I wouldn’t be so annoyed if they included me in conversation, but they literally never have. And I would contribute to their conversations but they’re always talking about things I don’t know nor care about (parties, etc). When I’ve tried to talk to them about other/normal things, they seem annoyed at me or just kind of like “uh ok...”
I can’t change practices at this point in the semester. I feel like I may be the asshole if I ask these girls to leave on time if I have nothing to do back on campus; I may be feeling so annoyed just because I feel left out, so maybe I should just suck it up since they aren’t doing any real harm by just talking and taking awhile?
WIBTA if I ask these girls to talk less at the end of practices and leave on time, even if I don’t have anything in particular to do immediately after practice? Thanks.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
tbq3MNhn69VY46M6tPZaUQ1X1gqiDTZ5
|
b4jdoo
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to Fu*k off and never see me again",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for telling my friend to Fu*k off and never see me again?
|
Me and my friend, for the sake of it, lets call him Jim, started a music project back in 2012. After 3 years of playing for fun we decided to make a band. Since 2015 we played regularly. We also recorded original songs and wanted to release an EP at the end of 2019. In that time Jim had some side projects, but being a very talented guitarist, he handled everything flawlessly. Last year one of the projects turned into a band and they even released an EP, me and Jim talked about it regularly and openly, he assured me on many occasions that our band was still his primary focus. He was that guy in the band who was always pushing others to do more and bringing the best out of people. We called each other every week to talk about life etc. The atmosphere in the band was really good, we were really good friends privately as well. At the end of last year he started acting a bit strange, he stopped pushing us, which was an immediate red flag for me. I sat down with him, asked him if he wasn't happy with the band, if there were any issues or if he felt anything was off. He assured me he was just tired because of college and the student job he got and that otherwise he was really happy with our band. So fast forward to last month, we applied for a band competition and were accepted, guess what, his other band was accepted as well, we laughed about it and everything seemed fine, he even went on a drink with one other band member and talked about how our bend is important to him and how much he loves it. Last week we found out about another competition where we could apply with an original song. We decided to record the song and went to a studio in order to do that by the deadline day. After the first day of recording, which went good, we got a group messege on Facebook where Jim told us, he felt like he wasn't needed in this band anymore and that we are better off going our separate ways and remain friends. After that I was in shock as were other members of our bend, no one saw it coming, especially not in the middle of a song recording and before a big competition. I called him and asked him what was going on, he just kept repeating the same BS he sent in the message, so I asked him, why was he lying to my face if he felt like that. He started making excuses that he realized it only a month ago (keep in mind he kept telling us all how happy he is, the whole time), so I asked him why now, why in the middle of the recording and the competition that could be big for us? He said he just doesn't feel the energy of the music anymore. That is when I lost it, I told him he was a selfish little prick, a liar and that he can go F himself and stay the F away from me and hung up on him. We haven't spoken since.
FYI he is still going to the competiton with the other band. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
0t4D32hae5z491zasPXMeTekLfCK84mm
|
9y5wxt
|
{
"description": "wanting to break up with my gf because she won't have sex with me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to break up with my gf because she won’t have sex with me?
|
AITA: My girlfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for about five months. She recently told me that she isn’t interested in having sex before she gets married. I, personally, think that sex is an important part of a healthy and happy relationship. Due to school, jobs, and just life circumstances in general, it’s very unlikely we would last long enough to get married. So, am I the asshole for wanting to break up with her because I know the relationship isn’t going to be my idea of a perfect one?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
h14CHEDfx00FNZ3BiVAkO3M8Uj0RAc7T
|
agv3gh
|
{
"description": "trying to convince my brother's baby mama to let our family take care of the baby and bring the baby to the US",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for trying to convince my brother's baby mama to let our family take care of the baby and bring the baby to the US
|
BACKSTORY: My brother (20yrs) and his baby mama (20yrs) have a very toxic relationship. I don't wanna get too deep into it but basically there has been cases where domestic violence was definitely involved. As toxic relationships goes, they just cant let each there go and they always get back together eventually despite all the shit they've done to each other. (Side note: they live in the Philippines, in the much poorer areas.)
Anyways, they finally did the one thing that really ties them to each other forever and that's having a baby. A beautiful baby girl. So innocent, so unaware of the problems that revolve around her young parents. I thought the baby would somehow magically clear up the toxicity (HOW NAIVE I WAS) and mature them because now they have a baby to take care of but nope. Literally they have fought every single day.
My parents and I live in the US (we're all filipino), and we live a decent life (we're low middle class). My brother had always been a wildcard and cant stay in one place. He comes back to the US every couple of months and then goes back to the Philippines for another couple of months. He likes to live independently and works once in a while. The baby mama doesn't work at all, dropped out of college and has my brother (technically my parents since it's their money) provide her the basic necessities.
BACK TO MY MAIN QUESTION:
My mother is flying over to the Philippines soon and she wants to convince the baby mama to let our family take care of the baby, at least for a awhile. Reason being that they're situation in the Philippines isnt great because (A) They live in the really ghetto and dirty parts of the city, the baby has gotten mutiple fevers but luckily have all subsided. (B) We don't want that child growing up with the toxicity of their parents. (C) We believe the baby will have a better future in the US. (D) The baby mama can focus on going back to school while we take care of the baby.
My brother will also be coming back to the US to search for work and save up, which leaves only the baby mama left in the Philippines, but it's the best option for the baby. And the baby mama said she would do anything to give her baby a good life and so convincing her to take the baby to the US shouldn't be a bad idea. Of course, there would be daily facetiming, so the baby doesnt forget her mother. The baby mama seems to be semi-convinced but she's still a bit hesitant. So AITA for really getting her on board with this idea?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
X2XRmH1lZ3DOXP2PfekOaC0xJGyOyIbZ
|
atb2h1
|
{
"description": "making the window seat put down their arm rest even though the passenger was too obese to do so",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for making the window seat put down their arm rest even though the passenger was too obese to do so?
|
Let me explain: Air travel sucks in general. You’re on a tube with 300 people packed together like sardines. This feeling sucks even more when you’re stuck in the middle seat. The only thing you’ve got to alleviate the misery are the arm rests.
So, here I am stuck in the middle when the window seat passenger boards. I already had the arm rests down and was claiming my elbow space. This passenger was spilling into the middle seat and asked for the arm rest to be raised. I said, “No.” The armrest then had to rest on the passengers side rather than be fully down. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
A6DhnyvaeA7fDgNfECIrw1o8cZn6lJev
|
am9mzg
|
{
"description": "not sharing medical papers with my parents/roommates",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not sharing medical papers with my parents/roommates?
|
Whenever I go to any medical appointment, I try to always get as much information as possible from the papers I ask for at the end of the appointment. Lately, due to them breaking my trust, I've abstained from sharing much information with them. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ojZGPTsL9ibsLFcsB004nTcT4e81DPhe
|
afk3x9
|
{
"description": "not inviting my friend to hang out once",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not inviting my friend to hang out once?
|
A few weeks ago two of my classmates invited me to a teahouse, primarily to try a hookah for the first time. On the website of the place, it said only two people can use one, and there were three of us, so I invited another classmate I'm on fairly good terms with. He's one of the people I wanted to get to know more, and he agreed. The people who invited me also didn't mind that I would bring him along.
As we were about to leave, another classmate, also a friend of mine, storms out with the guy I invited, and starts acting extremely offended that she wasn't invited. I told her I didn't want a crowd, I was not the one who suggested the idea, and she probably would have said no (she's pretty judgemental, and has a bunch of disorders that makes it hard for me to know what the hell she can or can't have with food and drinks). She stormed off, but I figured me apologizing would be enough.
Turns out I was wrong, as weeks later the topic came up in the groupchat we were in- her, the guy I invited, and myself. I repeated my reasons- the hangout wasn't my idea, we needed an even number of people, I didn't want anymore people, and that I didn't tell anyone else, so it's not like she's the only person I left out of this grand event everyone was invited to. It really was just the four of us.
She then went on about how it seems like I don't care about our friendship- nevermind that I threw her a birthday party last year, catering to her specific needs with food and beverages. This doesn't seem like a big deal, but we're in high school, and I don't really earn money so the best I could do was ask mom for help with food and invite her over. But I guess that flew over her head, simply because I didn't invite her to a hangout I did not initiate anyway. I understand she felt left out, but I literally didn't invite any other friends either. It was just one guy, and just one time. Am I the bad guy here?
PS: sorry if anything doesn't make sense, English isn't my first language! Any corrections on grammar are appreciated.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
GL9cptwZwyuCb9T5vgoM4tosREjxc33z
|
ayulez
|
{
"description": "not wanting to babysitting at my house",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to babysitting at my house?
|
ATA for not having his kids home when he's not here?
So my boyfriend (37/m) and I (32/f) live together right next to his mother (r/whatcouldgowrong) and she legaly requested to pick his 2 daughters up from school on Fridays and keep them the afternoon, if it's the father's weekend they come to our house, and this has been going on for a few months until i moved in from another city and they come and go as they please all afternoon. They have here a bedroom, clothes, special food they like, everything. Today is the first day of school (we're in Argentina) and they recently stayed here for 2 weeks on vacation, but kids, it's normal life now and I never offered to babysitting.
So i locked the door and told my bf to inform my MIL to keep the girls at her house, since I've had diarrhea for the past 3 days and im taking a new sleeping drug wich makes me tired. They got here and IMMEDIATELY came to the house. Door locked. THEY CAME BACK WITH A SPARE KEY, yeah, you heard me. They came back and forced a key into my front door which I had previously locked with the key turned inside, impossible to shove another one. They left again. I confirmed with my bf if he asked the mother to keep the girls since i though someone tried a key to our door, he says he did (he didnt, he is never direct and this gives her the opportunity to act silly) MY BF MESSAGES ME asking to take the girls in because they really miss me and the mother tried the door which was locked shut.
Now wait. Why would she insist on a key if you supposedly told her to keep out?
THE MOTHER MESSAGES ME asking if im awake bc the girls want to come over (yeah, simple as that, wake up and open the door) to wich i replied that unfortunately im sick today and can't have ppl over, but i will inform them as soon as im better. Period.
I never offered to baby sit, ppl, once the father gets home they can all play. But as for me, i never committed to this amount of responsibility and when they're with me they demand my full attention wich they do get. So I'm sorry but today is legaly grandma's day, stated by judge in court. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
2fHrbM1LCupy2Y89xNAqqPBpPNQ7aVnp
|
aqrt81
|
{
"description": "getting on my boyfriend in his job search",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting on my boyfriend in his job search?
|
Some background: boyfriend and I live together. He is recently graduated and looking for a job in our city. I am employed and went through an extensive job search last year.
Today, I came home and he told me he had an interview with a great business here in town. He asked me about coming up with references. Now, I had hinted once or twice over the past 3 years of our relationship about forming relationships with professors, and I recently said something since he started his job search about asking people if they would be willing to be a reference. This place that he has an interview with emailed him a reference check, where he needs to supply 5 references (they won't allow any less) and he has to submit them within 24 hours. He did not form meaningful relationships with professors, and has a couple supervisors and some distant coworkers he could ask. We had this conversation around 4pm, and the references are due at 9:30am the next morning. He had yet to reach out to anyone.
Tonight (Valentines Day), I got on him about talking to people before it got too late and he gave me reasons such as "they're busy right now," and "I'll do it later." He was also planning to cook us dinner for the romantic day. I pushed him again about references, and I got upset with him over it, telling him that he didnt value my perspective as his partner and that he put down every suggestion I had. He has since refused to hang out, and our plans tonight are cancelled. I got upset about this and told him that his response wasnt nice and we had plans, could we please keep them. He said no, tells me that I am not being very nice, and he went to bed and now I'm on the couch because he needs space.
So, am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "thinking this girl doesn't care about me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for thinking this girl doesn’t care about me?
|
i don’t know if this is the right subreddit to post this on, but i’ll ask anyways.
i’ve been feeling pretty shit lately and i told this girl everything i’ve felt over the past year. it was all of my built up feelings, anger, sadness, jealousy, towards my friends and family.
she claimed to have read the whole thing and even cried over it, but literally seconds after she went back to her normal self, not asking if i was okay, the same mood, pretending nothing ever happened. she might’ve just not known how to react, or tried to keep the mood happy, but i don’t think it’s the case.
i always used to be there for her and helped her with her problems, but even days after i told her she hasn’t asked how i was or if i was feeling any better. i was thinking that she just didn’t care about what i said and lied to me, so i avoided her. she’d text me and i would keep the conversations short because i just don’t trust her anymore.
am i being stupid? am i reading the situation wrong and i’m just being selfish? who’s in the wrong here?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being mad at my mom for allowing our tenant to play loud music late at night",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for being mad at my mom for allowing our tenant to play loud music late at night?
|
The person I am most mad at is our tenant but because of my mom I can't do anything about it. The tenant downstairs watches TV and plays loud music really late at night (11:00pm-3:00am) on a regular basis. I want to say something to her or write her a note asking her to please turn her tv/radio down but my mom has flat out forbade it because "she's our tenant". The loud music/tv doesn't affect my mom at all because she is in a room at the opposite side of the house and hears nothing. This has been going on for months and I am averaging 4-5 hours of sleep a night and it's really starting to get to me. I've tried putting in ear plugs but everything is still so loud. I feel like my mom is overreacting about this situation and that I'm sure our tenant wouldn't react by moving out promptly because we asked her to be a little quieter. My mom is getting the rent money, not myself, so she doesn't care about this as long as she's getting her monthly check. AITA for being mad my mom won't speak up and say something because I'm not allowed to?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being pissed at my so for not helping me get my licence",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For being pissed at my SO for not helping me get my licence?
|
My SO and I have been together for 7 years. I'm 34 and he's 30. Today he bought a new (new to him) car. He had been talking about it for a while as his car is older and has a few things about it that bother him. I myself don't have my full licence, and one of the issues that is blocking me from getting it is that I don't have a vehicle of my own.
​
I'm in Canada and we have a graduated licencing system. I have written my test and got my G1 or "learners permit". The next step is a physical road test. I can take this test, but I would likely fail it due to not having much practice in a car. My boyfriend recently moved in with me and has his own car, but he won't let me use it to practice and thinks I should pay $300+ to rent a car from those driver training people for a couple of hours.
​
TBH this irked me somewhat because I am not an irresponsible person and in my eyes, giving someone $300 to use their car when I have one in the driveway now, just seems crazy to me. If he's concerned about me ruining his car, I would gladly practice down small side streets, or late at night where there is less traffic and people, or whatever he wanted to make him feel more comfortable; he would also be in the car with me at all times as well, as per the rules for G1 drivers. My brother even let me practice driving in his brand new car with no concerns. BUT my SO's insurance is under his father so I could somewhat understand. Sorta.
​
Cue today, we've discussed him getting a new vehicle, and I am fine with that. I was wanting to know what his plans were with his old one. He didn't really know; either trade in, or sell it on his own. I mentioned it would be the perfect beginner car for me. It's an older sedan and my argument is, is that if I do happen to bang into a pole, or get into a fender bender because I am a new driver, then it's not a big deal because it's an older car and we didn't put 30 grand into it. He is totally against this idea. He brings up the fact that it's "half rusted" which is vastly over exaggerated, (it's only got a few rust spots) the water pump is scheduled "to go" in another 20 000 Km despite no sounds or issues with it currently (he just expects it to break down at a certain Km mark) and the trunk is a bit damaged because he was rear ended with minimal damage.
​
All of these reasons do not matter to me. My point is, if I want to get driving, I'm going to need a vehicle of my own to drive, especially since he's not keen on letting me drive his current car, and I highly doubt he will let me drive his new one. So, the alternative is I go out and drop 20-30 grand on a used one when I could have his for much cheaper. ALSO, I know the history of his vehicle, I know he takes good care of it and does all the routine maintenance on it. His next argument is that I can't register the car in my name because I don't have my G2 yet. This is a minor detail at this point and no REAL reason as to why I can't have his car to dive when he gets his new one.
​
I EVEN OFFERED TO BUY IT from him. I'm not expecting him to just GIVE me the car. And he still disagrees. I then asked him what he figures is the alternative? He didn't really have one.
​
He went out to test drive the car he's been eyeing, and bought it. He's trading in his old car for 5k...
​
In my eyes, if the roles were reversed, I would have no problem with letting him use my car (with my father's permission) to practice on, and if not, then let him at least have my old car to use. This to me is what being in a relationship means, to help one another.
​
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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9xj5ok
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{
"description": "asking for GF's determination to come to the gym before offering her a free membership",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For Asking for GF’s determination to come to the gym before offering her a free membership?
|
Context, I work at a commercial gym where employee can have 1 free membership for their friend. I decided it might be a good idea to give it to my GF, I have discussed with her before about working out. She hates the college gym we have, so she said if I give her the free membership she will go to the gym.
She also has told me too that gym is not her passion, she only works out because she has to. At the same time she complains about being fat (not fat but rather has a few pounds from eating she wants to lose).
Tonight I was about to set up the membership for her, before I did I thought the membership would be better for someone else I know if my gf will not be committed to using it. So I asked her how many times she would come to the gym per week, I got a idk for answer. Then i asked will she quit after a while since it’s not her passion or interest but rather than work she has to do, she got really mad and started yelling at me for questioning her.
I feel like I might have been a bit overboard but it was definitely right to ask her these questions since it’s a lot of money I could be wasting on her if she doesn’t use it properly when I can give it to another friend who would love to.
Am I the asshole for asking these questions and pissing her off.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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auudb2
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{
"description": "breaking crashing my neighbors wedding",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for breaking crashing my neighbors wedding
|
So my neighbors who've I've never been to fond of decided to have their wedding in the middle of the street (not unusual in our country but usually much further away from residential areas as not to bother people) and they were extremely obnoxious. They've been blasting music so loud you can hear it from blocks away and the entire street is blocked off and all our neighboring houses are covered in beer bottles and other garbage. Hell 2 guys passed out in my yard. It's now 3 am and I need to wake up at 7 so I'm fucking pissed i haven't been able to get any sleep and what's worse is the neighbors plan to have the wedding party last a few more days, it's already been 2 nights of this shit. I call the police and the police come over and the wedding hosts were able to bribe the police (my country is very corrupt so this is common) and they do nothing. Not wanting to tolerate a few more days of this shit my friend's (other neighrbos also pissed) devise a plan to ruin the wedding. We decide to bring out our own food as gifts which we coated in laxatives. We also put laxatives in the other foods being served there when nobody was paying attention. It only took an half hour for everyone to run to the bathrooms. The bathrooms were overbooked nonstop for another hour and people were shitting on the street. We also started a fire on a couple of the tents which caused everyone to panic but we put the fires out before they could spread to any of our properties. Everyone was too drunk or busy shitting to notice us set fires. Nobody was hurt but it ruined all their wedding equipment much of which was rented and now they have to pay it all back
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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abg0k0
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{
"description": "trying to stop an argument on new years",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to stop an argument on New Years
|
While having dinner before New Years at my parents house my dad made a joke about my mom not standing certain right wing groups.
My uncle, a tenured professor at a high end university chimes in to defend the right winged groups using "what about" arguments and "slippery slope" logic.
My mom wouldn't budge on the issue and my dad started getting in on the subject. Frankly my uncle started throwing insults about my parents religion (very active Catholics) and being generally rude.
That's where I step in:
Being the idiot that I am I tried to defuse the situation. First I tried to convince my mom to let it go, then I appealed to my uncles academic side and he told me to go to hell. Frankly that pissed me off. I just raised my voice by like 30% to tell the arguing table to just let it go. My mistake. My uncle acts as if I just told him to go fuck a pig or something because he throws this big stink about never letting someone insult him, he tells me to fuck off and then storms out with my cousin, his son, pleading for him to calm down. My parents go out to try and stop him while I turn to the rest of the guests mortified apologizing profusely.
Once my uncle is gone my parents come in and I go to talk to them. Turns out I should have shut up and let my uncle insult both good taste and my parents. My dad basically told me Im not welcome at their parties anymore and my mom, a bit more forgivingly, just asked me to shut my mouth when the "adults" are talking (Im 27 and only came to visit at their insistence)
So now Im spending New Years driving back home waiting to get a call from every other member of my extended family to tell me off for having tried to defend my parents.
I really hope 2019 gets better.
Tl;dr I got kicked out of my parents new years party for telling my asshole of an uncle to shut up about politics
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "reporting my roomate's dog for damaging the patio",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I report my roomate's dog for damaging the patio?
|
My girlfriend and I live in a dorm style apartment in which each room is leased separately. We have a dog that is registered with the front desk and I am not sure if the front desk knows about their dog but nonetheless; her dog has eaten the outside frame of the door. I have not yet told the front about the damage. My girlfriend and I are scared it'll cause tension but the roommate and us barley speak as it is. Also we are scared she will get slapped with fees and reset us and make it a bad living situation. But we might get charged with the damage out of our deposit if they suspect it was us.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "making parents clean up their own kids vomit",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for making parents clean up their own kids vomit?
|
This happened years ago, when I was a teenager and working my first serving job. I remembered this recently, and I'm trying to work out if I was in the wrong. So, I was 18, working at a combined pub/restaurant, earning minimum wage. This place was a dive - we're talking 1/2 stars on google. Therefore, the only people that really came here seemed to be kind of...trashy. A young couple (late twenties) came in with their son. I seated them, gave them the menu, and served their food. I noticed the kid seemed abnormally quiet for a toddler. I took another tables order, and went to the kitchen to check on a different tables food. Then, a customer that wasn't from one of my tables, he was sat on the table next to the young couple with the child, walks straight into the kitchen. He says it's outrageous that they had to sit next to a pool of vomit, and when was it going to be cleaned up?!? I was super confused. I go out into the dining area, and it the couple of minutes I had been in the kitchen, the kid had created a swimming pool of vomit across the table. It was dripping off the sides of the table. I have no idea how so much vomit came out of a child that size, we're talking exorcist territory here. And the parents were just kind of... sat there, staring at the vomit. I walked over to them, asked if everything was okay. They kind of shrugged, seemed non-plussed, and said something like 'oh yes, he's just feeling a bit ill today.' Dude. They didn't attempt to clean up the vomit in anyway. I asked if they needed napkins to sort it out, and they became horrified that I would imply that they should be cleaning up at the restaurant, when they were guests. I straight up told them that I was a teenager, who had never touched a child's vomit in my life, and that I was not paid enough to clean their kids sick. They said they weren't going to either. Fine. It became a stand-off. I walked back into the kitchen, and watched them through the glass in the door. I felt pretty guilty, and still do, for the people sat on the tables around them. After about ten minutes, the manager threw them out and proceeded to clean the sick himself.
​
So...AITA??
​
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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axtl9r
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{
"description": "getting fed up with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting fed up with my friend?
|
okay, some background- i have a best friend who i’ve known forever, i’ll call her S. i love her to death and i’ve gone through so much shit with her, but sometimes it’s too much. S has a pretty bad eating disorder, and i’ve always been there to support her through it. as much as i wish it weren’t so, it impacts me greatly. already dealing with the stress of school+family+ trying to help S out leaves me feeling shitty most of the time.
during the beginning of the school year S was recovering and it was an amazing change and decreased stress in our friendship greatly. but recently, S has fallen back into her old habits (extreme restricting, laxatives daily). because of this, she typically has extremely low energy and end up being super snappy, bitchy, and just unenjoyable to be around. i try to just ignore it most of the time and act normal, but it bothers me a ton. for example, today i was acting completely normal during class, talking how i usually do, and she turns to me and snaps to shut up. she kind of apologized after but i haven’t talked to her since because to be honest, im still pretty bothered.
things like this are happening more often, and it makes me want to not be around her as much, so am i the asshole for being kind of selfish by not wanting to deal with this?
—-
(just to clarify, her parents are aware and she sees a therapist/nutritionist, it isn’t like she isn’t getting help or anything, and i’m extremely proud of how far she’s come)
(reposting this on a new account- this one, previous gave too much info)
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aqsr0i
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{
"description": "ending friendships with the guys that bailed on my bachelor party",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for ending friendships with the guys that bailed on my bachelor party?
|
So, months ahead of time I invited some guys I’ve been friends with a few years to Vegas for the weekend (we live 12 hours away and I was driving) for my bachelor party.
They were also invited to my wedding and one was a groomsmen. One by one a week before we were supposed to go they all changed their minds and said they couldn’t go. This was after I had booked a non-cancellable hotel stay and paid over 500$ for us to stay there. And when I confronted them about it they shrugged it off as if it wasn’t a big deal.
I don’t put expectations on anyone because that’s how you get let down, but personal integrity came into play here and they went back on their word. Also, not to be a crybaby, but I could never imagine myself canceling on someone else’s bachelor party. I feel as though it’s a significant event and I wouldn’t do that to a friend, I’d find a way to make it work.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aihe1h
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend and having to take time away from her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend and having to take time away from her?
|
I was in a relationship with this girl for a year and a half, everything went fine mostly, we had our ups and downs like any other couple but nothing major really happened. Around June, I started to feel as though I didn't have feelings for her anymore.
I had decided to be honest about my feelings, I tried to tell her that even though I don't have romantic feelings for her anymore, I wanted to be friends and continue to be there for her. She blocked me after that so I thought giving her some space would be best because I didn't want to make things worse.
That same day, she unblocked me and started messaging me about how she hates me, she said I had abandoned her, I tried my best to apologise and explain, but she continued to tell me she hated me and that I was making her suicidal.
Both of us had been struggling with depression, she was going through a rough patch at the time and she accused me of not caring about her enough, I ended up trying to tell her that I didn't want to lead her on by pretending to love her.
This carried on, these messages saying she hates me, and that I fucked everything up. So at some point I decided to step away from her because all of these messages she kept sending to me weren't doing well on my own mental health. And I didn't like the daily reminders that she hated me and thought I was the worst. Even saying she wanted to kill herself because of me.
Am I selfish for that? Am I an asshole for stepping away from her at that point even though I said I wanted to be there for her when I broke up with her?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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agdw4q
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{
"description": "having sex with a minor",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for having sex with a minor?
|
Hi, Reddit and this is a very frustrating and unpleasant situation I found myself in recently.
So I am an opera singer and a 28 y/o woman. Few months ago I worked on a big production in Europe. The production was massive and had over two hundred people involved in it including some actors.
One of them was exceptionally handsome, like high-fashion kind of handsome, and from day one he never concealed his attraction towards me. Let's call him Marco. We flirted but I never really thought about hooking up with him as I was consumed with the show (partly because I was doing the main role).
After the premiere there was an after-party, and of course I got intoxicated, so did he. Then it was 5 a.m. and he was stranded in the town without any means to get home at that time of night.
Obviously it was a roose to get into my bed, and I was tipsy and relaxed so I played along. I offered him a sofa in my flat, and of course, next thing I know we are messing in my bedroom.
In the morning (well, more likely, in the late afternoon) we had the post-sex cuddle, and Marco casually mentions that tomorrow is his birthday. I joke about having given him an early bd present to which he laughs and says that it was the best present ever.
Then I ask how old he is going to get. And then he drops the bomb: he is going to be 18. Tomorrow.
I panicked and quickly got out of the bed. He did not look 17 at all, I thought he was younger but I never thought he was eleven years younger than me. I was mad. He looked surprised and said that "he is almost a man" and that "he had many girlfriends including a 30 y/o when he was 16".
I screamed that I did not care about his other girlfriends and that I am going to be in big trouble. I did not know the laws of that country so I had all my life flash before my eyes.
I begged him to keep his mouth shut and he swore he would never tell anyone.
Of course when I got to the theatre the next day everyone was giving me weird looks. By the end of the day I noticed people laughing at me and some of my colleagues even asked me really dirty questions. Not only he bragged about having sex with me to his friends, he also gave them all the details including the amount of body hair, shape of my breasts and all the things I did to him in bed.
I was a wreck. I ran into the cafeteria and was weeping incessantly. Never in my life I felt such shame.
Next morning I was called into the theatre director's office. He was very disappointed in me and my lifestyle choices, and he also mentioned that as a " primadonna" (ugh hate that term) I should have known better and taken better care of my reputation.
I thought it was over but in few hours I received a phone call from Marco's mother. She was screaming at me and though I speak Italian, I was struggling to understand everything she said.
Apparently not only I had sex with a 17 y/o but I also raped him as he was drunk and therefore could not possibly consent to sex with "a fat old woman" that I was in his mother's opinion. She screamed some more and promised to get the police involved.
I was devastated. In my view my career was over as well as my reputation. I wished I were dead.
His mother also discovered his messages to me and threatened to expose me a sexual predator, and called me a paedophile.
My colleagues stood up for me and promised to testify if need be that Marco has been chasing after me since day one, and that he has made everything he could to stay at my place that fateful night.
Just when i thought my life was over it turned out that Marco's mother tried to blackmail the theatre director into firing me or raising her son's salary. The director went furious and threatened her with exposure so she backed off.
All this situation was quite horrible for me, and I am glad I am unscathed by the experience although there is (must be!) a stain on my reputation. But as the time passes by and I recover I cannot help but wonder - what if I am a predator? What if I scarred that poor boy? What if I raped him - as he was clearly drunk and I am a grown ass woman and whatnot?
The very thought of it horrifies me as I am a rape survivor myself, and I pray I haven't hurt this young man.
What do you think, guys? I am so confused and genuinely upset.
Sorry for the long read.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 17,
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OTHER
|
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}
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RIGHT
|
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|
b31lr3
|
{
"description": "buying an electronic noisy toy for a 2nd birthday party gift",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
WIBTA if I bought an electronic noisy toy for a 2nd birthday party gift?
|
I'm thinking age appropriate toys such as alphabet/color singing things like a piano keyboard that helps learning.
This is my bestfriend's first kid and it's her babies 2nd birthday. I don't have kids so maybe I'm a little out of touch. But my intention is to get things the kid can play and learn at the same time.
My friend has jokingly said she wouldn't allow it from anyone but maybe I'd get a best friend auntie pass for one.
She's having a big party and I find it hard to believe that nobody will get electronic toys.
Is it practical for my friend to try to avoid them?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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WRONG
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RgKpf9LeK0rFHutqoVXeHxc8cWPY2pz0
|
b37znv
|
{
"description": "changing my mind about a parenting decision",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for changing my mind about a parenting decision?
|
Two years ago my husband and I had our second son. From the start I've know my husband would want all our boys circumcised, our oldest was circumcised. I have been having mixed feelings about circumcising since then.
My youngest couldn't be circumcised as an infant due to unforeseen issues. He can now be circumcised, but it will have to be under a general anaesthetic. I've told my husband I don't feel comfortable with doing this and I'd rather let him make this choice for his body when he's an adult. My husband is pretty annoyed and feels that it was an asshole move on my part to change my mind about something that is a big deal for him. AITA for changing my mind about a big parenting to my husband?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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w4Kp4lNdmFLKvrid2bIy2STaMWWlIcJv
|
b7q99f
|
{
"description": "saying that I wish my dog was dead",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 28
}
|
AITA for saying that I wish my dog was dead?
|
There's this old dog that's like 12 years old, I don't even know to be honest, we never bought or adopted him since he came to us looking for food when we were building our current house, so having no pets we decided to keep him. Obviously we vaccinated him, bathed him and did many health related things that I don't even remember since I was just a kid back then and didn't care about it too much.
My cousin and I often go to my 2nd floor where I have some gym equipment and we workout together. There's a window that has a view on the dog that's caged in the corner of my backyard. My cousin once looked at it and told me that he is really sad that the dog just spends all day every day in his cage and we can do nothing about it. When he goes out of his cage, he takes a piss on everything and ruins all the plants to the point where they are completely brown instead of green. We can't take him for a walk since he is almost a wild dog, we never took him for a walk and he never experienced anything other than this backyard from time to time when we play with him. Another reason for not letting him get out is that we fear he would impregnate our second female dog.
A few days ago when my friends came over, they saw the dog caged in the corner of my backyard and kept asking a bunch of questions about him. I said "The dog is pretty old and should die soon, I'm not really happy about it but I'm looking forward to it because we would then get another dog". The reason I said this (and I tried explaining it to them but they wouldn't listen) is that the dog is just living a miserable life and there's nothing we can do about it. With a new dog we would have more options. We could train him and take him for walks, like our second dog. But they just started shouting at me for being so rude and having no feelings. They wouldn't talk to me for a few minutes and later they kept on looking at me weird.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
TW86d1ph24sfsmih6ciJIpQbOBfhBdc0
|
axkhyp
|
{
"description": "not wanting my roommate to bring in another animal",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not wanting my roommate to bring in another animal?
|
Currently living in a pet-friendly, three bedroom apartment for a little under a year now. They were supportive of me bringing along my male cat, approximately 4 years old. One roommate had always wanted a cat and the other is willing to live in his own filth so he didn't care much (invalidates his opinion a little bit.) Everything has been going great however the roommate who had always wanted a cat now wants to adopt her own, a female of unknown age. When we moved in I told them the likelihood of me being supportive of getting another cat or dog would be very slim. It's twice the work, twice the dander, twice the feeding, twice of everything. I'm under a lot of stress about to start school again working 40 hours a week, school 30, while also trying to maintain a relationship and I don't think I could handle another animal in my home life. I feel like I'm being selfish but I don't know how to express my feelings on this matter.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
lkP4Pt8fsrBtMJmtdhHp7INmKuzDkCmZ
|
annwz5
|
{
"description": "not wanting to help my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help my boyfriend?
|
So my boyfriend has come down with a skin condition and he needs to rub ointment on his back before bed. I told him I would help him with this but he needed to get it done before like 11:30 because I have class at 8am. He didn’t finish his shower until 12:18 and then asked me to run to the second floor. I told him no because it’s extra late and I need to sleep. He said I was being selfish for not helping him, and being rude. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
8tNpFf0gbhmb1XZXJRLLA5b0aAID3NIm
|
axfx1p
| null |
AITA that intentionally blocks people while driving for using the shoulder to bypass traffic?
|
Driving in the Baltimore area, drivers are very bad and often entitled. As I, and thousands of others, wait my turn as the lane narrows and then merges, have noticed quite a few people pull out on the shoulder lane and then cut off someone towards the front.
This will never happen with people standing in line at a store, but only seems to happen when driving. Almost as if they know there will be no repercussions.
I do not intend to cause an accident, only to let them realize that what they do is unfair to everyone else.
Common sense tells to me to just let them go, as the worse that could happen is that I'll be 4 seconds late to wherever I am going
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bJdEDzBxbYEBHVkGiCcrhjaxddjuRPZj
|
b65sde
|
{
"description": "not paying my mate three months rent after being kicked out of his flat",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for not paying my mate three months rent after being kicked out of his flat?
|
Last year I went through a tremendous heartbreak after the love of my life - Beryl - broke up with me. I was taking Xanax, Valium and other downers on a routine basis to ease the pain and spiralled into addiction. I was living with Beryl's workmates and they decided to kick me out because they felt like it would be more convenient for her. I was at the peak of my addiction and my best mate Steve and his girlfriend Rosa decided to let me stay at their flat for a bit when I was going cold turkey. I was too depressed and in so much pain from the withdrawals that I went on sick pay and the next month was so much better.
Days became months and I was staying there. I started dating again and met a lovely woman called Catherine but I couldn't shift my heartbreak about Beryl. This caused many arguments, including her crying and me punching the walls and myself. I got addicted to nitrous and Xanax I lost track of my finances and Catherine was loaning me a bit of money for living expenses. I also began obsessively watching videos by Jordan Peterson and Camille Paglia, as they really resonated with me. Despite my misery I would try and make myself happy by making art around the house, such as collaging pornographic magazines for a laugh. I would record songs for my band, singing my heart out until 2AM in the morning. I spent most days in front of the telly vaping and eating chips. I think as much as it became my home, it became my cocoon. I didn't have a job or a regular income so I couldn't pay three months rent.
The fights I was having with Catherine were becoming more frequent. She didn't like the media I was watching and I didn't like her criticising it and it became a push and shove between us. I quit nitrous and have been cleaning up. Me and Catherine broke up. Unfortunately Rosa dropped the bomb on me that she recently got engaged to Steve. Great, I though! Except she wanted me leave on a month's notice. How is that possible?? I have no income, no friends in the area and I fell out with all my family. I'm so unhappy I can't even wash. What do you do when you've got no family and no friends and nowhere to go? Nowhere to stay?
I found a place shortly after a casual friend turned out to be living close by but after taking out three quarters of my stuff Rosa kept messaging me even though I practically moved out so I unfriended her and Steve. Now they are now complaining that I didn't pay rent and I'm a sponge and whatnot. I have nothing to pay. Can you really accuse someone who has nothing of being a sponge?! So I'm wondering Reddit if I am.
tl;dr - best friend lets me stay with him when I'm withdrawing from addiction and very heartbroken, I relapse into addiction, lose track of money and can't pay rent. Best friend's fiancé kicks me out on a month's notice when I'm penniless and now is saying I'm a sponge for being unable to pay rent and cutting them out my life. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
MvRqotIknOs52uLAEzZqWb2fa42RNqdn
|
acdttt
|
{
"description": "airing grievances about a sexist/racist work environment during my exit",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for airing grievances about a sexist/racist work environment during my exit?
|
Obligatory throw away. Worked at a company for roughly a year where I was in charge of a small specialized team. From the start I knew the boss played favorites and unfortunately was among that crowd. Recently after acquiring my team an employee under me came to me crying about a hurtful comment the boss had said to her. This is also right after I had stood up to my boss after he handpicked the youngest and “demographically” similar colleagues to have a special assignment. When confronted he asked if “I was going to make this a thing” and said whatever he said goes. This recently developed spine was inspired by me wanting to stick up for a team member who has been with the company longer, and expressed interest in these types of assignments but is not “demographically” similar to the preference (black).
These two incidents triggered a mass re-evaluation of my time at the company. The boss would consistently say inappropriate things about females at work. There was a time when a colleague was wearing a dress and he turned to me saying “so and so has nice legs right Sauk?” I replied that I wouldn’t know because she was wearing boots. His response was “what can’t game recognize game?” (I’m female) there also has been comments about evaluating a woman’s value on their looks and so many comments I can’t even list it here. At one point he mused about how another higher ranking woman is “probably a total dom in the bedroom”. These are along with extremely racist comments including “I never was interested in black women because I heard their pubs are like Brillo pads” and hurtful remarks about another coworkers preference in black men. This was all enveloped in his passing comments of “killing anyone who messed with his money” and that he was “super close with the head of HR so whatever is said really doesn’t matter.”
I looked for another job and luckily was able to find one quickly. While cleaning shop my team urged me to voice my opinion during the exit interview and I did. I laid out the above and way more. I feel awful. I feel horrible about letting this go on and although HR was sympathetic she even agreed that I had allowed this treatment to happen to me and my colleagues.
So AITA for allowing this to happen and letting it get to this point? Was I being egregious for bringing this to the attention of HR? I also am guilty of laughing to get in his favor in the past. What can I do in the future? I’m really not asking for a pat on the back here because I really feel like I did the wrong thing for not even noticing how toxic this environment was until too late.
TL;DR Experienced a toxic workplace caused by sexist/racist comments from superior. Played along/was silent because I needed the job. During exit interview aired my grievances. Now I feel like the asshole for not doing anything sooner.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
4jnNd2n0TKBNNPMhhULAKvZe3ph7uXfO
|
ayn2h9
|
{
"description": "not asking if my work contract gets extended",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not asking if my work contract gets extended?
|
Im working currently during the semesters at a car facility. My contract is lasting for 3 weeks and I had some spare time so I wanted to extend it. Got told that Ill be working for 8 more weeks, which is pretty good (almost 6k cash).
Since no one came towards me, I thought Id have to sign it on the 10th since that is the date, my old contract expires.
Today a Coworker got told that he wont get extended, which got him pretty mad and me confused, cause I havent heard of my contract yet.
I headed to the office and asked if it's save, that Ill get extended and they told me, that I already signed my contract, so yes.
I told them that I signed nothing, since no one came to me.
They checked on the 3 coworkers that will be extended and only found 2 contracts. Mine was never delivered to them and they havent noticed even tho, my two coworkers already signed. My boss told me why I didnt come earlier and then I lost it.
How am I supposed to know about that, since no one came towards? But my coworkers are already signed?
The workers council never send anything and if my contract doesnt arrive til sunday, which I dont have influence on, I won't get extended and will have struggle to pay rent.
AITA for not asking earlier, even tho I couldnt know?
Told my mom about that and she thinks I am, cause I should run after them since I need the job.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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XhKAipv5YMQbxnggIFQVYKX2zSYSYJbc
|
9zxb7l
|
{
"description": "not speaking to my mother for weeks, months",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not speaking to my mother for weeks, months?
|
Settle in guys, this'll be a long one.
Little back story first - I've always had a very difficult relationship with my mother.
I'd also like to add that I recently have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I'm getting the help I need.
My mother lives in Belarus, I moved to New Zealand to be with my kiwi partner, now husband and pursue a better life 3.5 years ago. She's always been supportive of my decision to move. She's also been through a lot of turmoil lately, like losing her dream job due to circumstances out of her control. I know how hard it is for her, and I have offered to help both financially and emotionally.
The crux of the issue we have, is she is incredibly manipulative and abusive in her behaviour towards me. I think. She is quick to declare I've done something to upset or wrong her when that was never my intention, and to berate me. I only started to realise this isn't the norm in the last couple of years, and I keep going back and forth, confused. I'm hurt, and I certainly FEEL like I'm to blame for everything, including our awful relationship. I could use an objective view of the situation, as my husband will always side with me for support (bless his soul). I don't really feel comfortable discussing this with people I know personally.
Although there is a 14 hour time difference for us, we have tried speaking on the daily before. The trouble starts to arise when I miss a day, or don't reply within a couple hours (when I'm at work for example). I work 45-47 hours a week, ten hour days most days of the week in a customer facing environment where I have to keep the façade up at all times. It's not difficult, just emotionally draining. Sometimes I come home and I don't want to speak to anyone, period.
When that happens, she has gone absolutely ballistic in the past. She would ring me until I pick up, then proceed to yell at me for being an awful and uncaring daughter. This has kind of become the norm. She abused me verbally and emotionally, and I took it, because I knew that if I hang up it will just be worse next time. So I listened and took the blame, for anything and everything. I was her emotional outlet. A noble thing perhaps, but I am getting crushed under the weight of her expectations for what a successful human being looks like.
The thing is, she does have some genuinely good reasons to be upset with me. I can be lazy and distant, sometimes straight up ignoring her messages for a couple days even when I know they are urgent. In the past, she has lost some money because of this.
I feel stressed and anxious whenever I speak with her, even over text messages. I can not explain this feeling, it's like a nagging, sinking dread in my chest. I want to justify her actions, and I have many times, but I know it will just keep happening again, like it has before. Every time I get a text from her I need to steel myself before I read it, in case it makes me feel something I'm not prepared for.
In the past, I used to take her spiteful words and try to ignore or rationalise them. For any situation, she feels she is qualified to give her (often baseless) opinion on things she has very little knowledge of, and put me down for disagreeing. This can be anything from life decisions to how often and with what I brush my teeth. Only her opinion is valid, and she makes that clear by letting me know what a huge "New Zealand sheep" I am should I try to disagree.
I guess at large I also feel confused. Is it really my duty as her child to be this emotion-toilet? To always be available for my parent? Sometimes it feels like she is the child, whose problems I have to either solve or be blamed for.
I've taken to completely ignoring her for months over the past year. This wasn't entirely intentional at first, as I read/heard her abusive language, calling me a pig and an unworthy human being, and was simply unable to respond. When she finished, I would simply not follow up for days, then weeks. Then months. During this time, I worry about her mental well being, but I'm too ashamed to ask. She considers me a horrible child, I know this, and I feel like by not being there for her I'm only validating her view.
She's expressed numerous times how she feels I don't love her, don't care about her, and I never possibly could. This is simply not true, and hurts me beyond words, I wish I could prove her wrong.
At the same time, this relationship has caused us both so much pain, it feels like limiting our interactions is the only way to make it stop.
Earlier this year she finally nagged my husband and I to go on holiday with her, despite us not really being able to afford it. She sweetened the deal by agreeing to pay all the accommodation expenses for our trip, so I thought "what the hell, I haven't seen her in four years. Maybe this is the chance to make things right between us." Boy, was I wrong.
She had booked accommodation on two opposite ends of a very rural part of a tropical country, with no way of getting there. Long story short, we ended up staying somewhere completely unplanned, and spending all our savings on a very stressful, unfulfilled holiday. She lost all her prepayments and deposits for the hotels she had booked.
After we came back, my grandfather (her dad) had a severe stroke. This with the added pressure at work and financial stress after our badly planned holiday finally made me collapse. I shut out all my friends, all family not in NZ, including my mother. I gradually reintroduced them all, except my mother. No communication for about three months, blocked her on all social media and on my phone. After this time, I had realised I was actually, for once, feeling happy.
She has just posted me a physical letter, outlining all the ways I have failed as a daughter, and why I'm an egotistical monster. Her words, not mine. She has also demanded I return all the money she spent on my husband and I while on holiday. By which I presume, she means the accommodation deposits she lost. I'm actually happy to pay her this money if it makes the issue go away, but is it right? Will potentially justify similar requests in the future??
TL;DR: My mother abuses me verbally and emotionally for years, causing my mental state to spiral out of control, affecting my work and home life. I choose to cut contact, she demands I pay.
AITA for choosing to stop speaking with her, causing this fallout? Is it justified for her to ask for this money back? Am I taking her words too harshly?? I'm hurt and confused. Any insight will be helpful.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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