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{
"description": "breaking up with my gf after asking her many times to fix her behavior and stop putting on weight",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for breaking up with my GF after asking her many times to fix her behavior and stop putting on weight.
|
So, to explain what’s happening.
When I let my GF, she was overweight but was working hard at losing it.
We became friends, and one thing led to another, became fuck buddies and before I knew it we were dating. She is about 8 year older than me (note that she hide her age from me, but I found out).
My housemate left, so I invited her to take his room, knowing she would sleep in mine anyway.
I always had a bit if an issue with her behavior. She is very nice to me but can get quite annoying « Karen Style » with other people. For example she was pissed at a taxi driver one time because he didn’t knew where was the place we were looking for.
Ah, and sometimes she would be annoying as well when she gets her periods, in that case I wouldn’t be spared. But she is not like this every time... I guess other factor weight in.
One time she used my visa card to order a few things. She ordered more than she was supposed to, but I let it go.
Later I found she received her order, but then claimed she did not received it in order to get a refund... (this happen about 13 months ago)
That’s when I started to really wonder if I can build a futur with her.
At this point we were 3 years together. She had taken all the weight she had lost back, and more. She is now morbidly obese, or so I think. She can hurt me when she is on top when we have sex, if she press with her hands on my chest or shoulder for example.
I confronted her about all this, about 11 months ago.
I told her she needed to lose weight again, as she wants kids and that seemed impossible.
I told her that I was pissed off about what she did with that order. I could have got in trouble with that.
She took it seriously at first and started dieting again, and going to the gym.
Then less and less...
I reminded her a few times, but over time she went less and less. I hurt my foot at the gym, and couldn’t go myself anymore for some times.
Last December she asked me where were going, if I wanted to be in this flat forever, etc.
I told her that I gave her a guideline about what to do, that if she wanted to move in a house, have kids, etc. she needed to fix her weight first, and keep working on her behavior. Save money as well, houses are not becoming cheap...
She went back to the gym once. Just once. Christmas came, she didn’t eat too much, or at least not in front of me. January came, I asked her about her weight and going to the gym, she said she needed a few days. That was 12 days ago. She is eating sweets and cakes. I don’t see her losing weight.
We’re almost 4 years together now, I’ve fallen out of love. I read myself here and I have this feeling it’s all on her, but I still feel like an asshole for thinking about breaking up. Also I still care about her, she is still my friend, I don’t want to hurt her. I have the feeling I might be her last chance at having kids, because she might not find anyone else after me, or if she does it might be too late for her to have kids.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "leading on a white girl",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 31
}
|
AITA for leading on a white girl?
|
Basically, I (26M) am of Indian background and have been dating a white girl (26F) for 8 months. We'll call her Lucy. I was born/raised in UK but my parents are from India.
Lucy is very good looking but that's not the only reason I went for her. She's got a very outgoing and bubbly personality, one of those positive people you don't come across so that's why I went for her. Also she's not a golddigger or anything, we both have the same job/similar salary (solicitors).
But I'm not seriously considering ever marrying her, I don't think. My parents wouldn't accept nor would my family. So really, I think I wouldn't ever considering marrying any white girl but I have been with them before sexually. I don't think this is particuarly racist because I'm brown and she's white so even though it's not fully ok it's not racist, but I'm not sure if Lucy is aiming for marriage. She hasn't spoken about it, but she said ''I love you once'' to me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 31,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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AUTHOR
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{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 31
}
|
WRONG
|
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|
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{
"description": "keeping the $20",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I kept the $20?
|
I am aware this is faintly ridiculous but here goes....
At the super market the other day I purchased a couple of items through the self serve check out. On payment I also got cash out of my account ($20) The problem is on gathering up my groceries I left the $20 behind.
Went to work the next day where I realised my error, I phoned the supermarket (long shot I know) told them my story, and found out $20 was handed to the supervisor! Yay!
Went after work today where I collected the money and chatted to the supervisor who told me it happens quite often, they keep it for a couple of weeks but most often the money isnt claimed.
On arriving home I opened the envelope and saw with the cash is a duplicate receipt. On the receipt are items I didnt purchase and someone paid with cash, leaving their change.
Now I'm really struggling with my conscience. I have gone from excitment that my money was handed in to feeling crap that I have someone else's money, and they might need that $20 really badly.
WIBTA if I kept the $20? I want to have not lost my money but does that justify taking someone else's??
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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OTHER
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"RIGHT": 3,
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
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{
"description": "not splitting my referral bonus with a friend who got hired at the company I work for",
"pronormative_score": 45,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not splitting my referral bonus with a friend who got hired at the company I work for?
|
Pretty much just as the title says. I've been at this company for 5.5 years and was referred here by another guy I know who's still working here as well. He got a referral bonus for me starting and bought me lunch. I was planning to take my friend who just got hired out to a nice steak dinner but she and another friend have both said I should really split the bonus 50/50 with her.
I can kind of see their point of view, but referrals always seemed like a perk for putting your reputation on the line for someone else. I never even though about asking the guy who referred me to split it, and hadn't thought of doing it here until she mentioned it and now I'm second guessing myself a bit.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 43,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 45,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
arore8
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{
"description": "not understanding why my gf is upset about me masturbating to porn",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not understanding why my gf is upset about me masturbating to porn?
|
This is a long one so im sorry for the read.
We were hanging out at her apartment and she was playing a game ive already beaten. She slept more than me last night so I was still pretty sleepy this morning and she suggested I go sleep. I wanted to spend time with her so I refused but at the same time she had just showered and was naked and had a cover on her but regardless I was turned on. This is important because while i didnt really want to bother her my boner started bothering me, so i went to the bedroom to deal with it.
We had previously discussed in our relationship that porn was ok as long as it didnt mean anything and you were trying to bust a nut (she doesnt watch it because she says im the only thing she needs to think about but she has masturbated before to deal with her horniness without telling me as well and i was ok with it). So i started going at it and ironically she walked in as soon as i started and i was startled but ultimately just sat there and chatted with her as she walked across the room and got her phone charger and then left. I asked her if she wanted to help or join and she declined and seemed chill about it. So i finished and then waited a couple minutes so i could pee and then went back to where she was playing games. She was now watching netflix and as soon as i walked in she asked if i was done and i said yeah.
She immediately turned everything off and rushed to the bedroom saying “cool, cause i want to take a nap” but again she got more sleep than me so i got confused and asked her if she was ok and she said yes but her tone and attitude was different from before and she said she wanted to be alone. Now i knew something was up and i followed her to the room to watch her cover up and put the cover over her head and slowly start crying.
When this happened i immediately sat on the bed and tried to ask her what was wrong and she refused ti talk to me and when i kept asking she got up and locked herself in the bathroom for awhile. When she came out she got back in bed and was just quiet and still is as I type this.
So, i know that she probably was upset at the whole masturbating thing and how that can make someone feel unwanted but in past arguments we have had she gets enraged when I assume how she feels, but she refuses to tell me how she feels. The only reason this is ok is because shes had a rough past and is bad at and is recovering from trust issues and communication issues. But regardless, its hard for me to communicate and try to understand her when she locks me out and pushes me away and i dont know what to do, id leave her alone but the last time i did that she develops her own negative emotions and builds up walls around her so she can’t get hurt again.
So AITA and how do i help her because i love her and want her to be happy
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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WRONG
|
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|
b4twly
|
{
"description": "sticking up for a random chick who got her phone stolen in Montreal",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for sticking up for a random chick who got her phone stolen in Montreal?
|
So I'm on a weekend holiday with what I thought was my best mate in Montreal. We go to a karaoke bar and meet a couple chicks at the bar. One of them is really drunk and her friend accompanies her outside to help her. I join them and just start chatting. Then a group of 3 guys approaches us and ask me for a light. I give them my lighter and one of them steals one of the chicks phone. I was also pretty drunk so I didn't even realize it till she told me her phone was missing even though I saw one of them take it. So I go with her to the bar that we saw them enter and they disappeared. I call my mate to come over and then he starts telling me that the cops are on the way and that we need to go back to the hostel. I tell him that I'm trying to help this chick get her phone back and he tells me that they are not our problem. I pretty much told him to fuck off and that, yeah they may not be our problem but if it were me in a foreign country I'd hope someone would do the same for me. So he just left me alone and walked back to the hostel. The chick never found her phone that also had all her cards in it. I will probably never see either of them again but I thought I'd try to help them. Anyways now I'm sitting at the hostel waiting for my friend to arrive back, because I will not sleep well till I know he made it back alright.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
aa57gs
|
{
"description": "walking out of family argument and potentially being banned from contact with family",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for walking out of family argument and potentially being banned from contact with family?
|
Long story short, my family had an argument today about my gf. This has been a heated topic since dating her (about 2 years) and we get in a lot of fights over it. Yesterday we got in a fight over something stupid I started but she made it worse and blew it up, insulting my relationship with her and stating we bond over arguing and hating my family (my mom thinks my gf is out to separate me from my family and enjoys “manipulating” my relationship). We had a long argument and eventually worked it out but I vented to my gf about it during via text.
Next day I wake up and she tells me she READ my texts to her on my phone and insults me, saying I backstabbed the family by venting to her. Arguments happened and eventually my sister hopped on and starting insulting me, my relationship, and my gf. After telling them they had no right to go through my phone and saying the texts weren’t in any way insulting my family but being frustrated over the argument and stress, they continued being my gfs family into it, insulted me and her, and eventually said they will never trust me. I got so angry I walked out of the apartment and haven’t been back since. On top of that she wants to cut off contact with me because of this “badmouthing” about my family to my gf.
So AITA for walking out without talking? Also any advice?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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"INFO": 3
}
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
aktnca
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{
"description": "getting mad at my Frienda for saying Rumours about me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Getting Mad At My Frienda For saying Rumours About Me?
|
This is hard to explain but I'll start from the very beginning. A few weeks ago, a few friends and I were in the library, I asked my friend if she was going to our church and she said no and so I kinda just went, "Mhm..." I didnt mean it rude or anything but the friend perceived it that way. Skip to today, I was casually standing with a few girls on the basketball court and another friend, Reese, comes up in the middle of my back and slaps me really hard. I get mad, as anyone would, and started chasing her. We started you know, play fighting, but I accidentally slapped her in the face, ACCIDENTALLY! We patched things up in legit two seconds lol but a coach made us go to the principals office. We were already friends again but she got in any more trouble than I. We were let back to the class and everyone was saying I started it. The friend from the library spread most of those rumours. She got mad at me for being mad at her for saying she said the euniurs when everyone knows she did, now everyone is calling me the bitch who slapped Reese.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "pointing out the Swastikas in the Rug",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for pointing out the Swastikas in the Rug?
|
So a few years back my wife (GF at the time) and I met up with some friends for a birthday dinner. We were introduced some new people, including a newly married couple.
Anyway, after dinner, we were all invited to go hang out at the Married Couples apartment. They had just moved there, and wanted to show off the place.
While hanging out, they very nicely offered refreshments, and we sat around while they talked about how they had just used all their savings to move in and buy all brand new furniture, including the rug under my feet.
Well, I looked down, and I just couldn’t help noticing something odd about it. The pattern in the rug was sort of, window/box like. But upon further inspection, it was plain to see. Nazi Swastikas symbols were accidentally all over the pattern.
It was one of those, once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
If I had a picture of the rug, I’d have put it on the crappydesign subreddit immediately. But this was a few years ago, and this story just came to mind now.
Anyway, I thought about it for a few minutes whether I should tell them about the pattern in the rug, or just let them live blissfully without ever knowing.
But deep down I just felt bad, and especially since they were a nice Jewish couple. I’m half Jewish, so I know I’d wanna know.
So I told them. I had just met these people, and now they knew they had a secret Nazi rug that they just spent a lot of money on.
I never spoke or saw them ever again. But I’m going to assume they got rid of the rug and bought a new one.
Am I the asshole for telling them, resulting in them most likely having re-purchase another expensive rug?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
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|
{
"description": "leaving a job before my two weeks notice",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Aita for leaving a job before my two weeks notice?
|
So I've been working a factory night shift job for the past few months, and hr has been very helpful with my daughter being born. I was off for a month on personal leave, and they were awesome in coordinating that. However, I've been pretty ill since ive started working there. Various upper respiratory symptoms, painful headaches, sore throat, difficulty breathing, and generally feeling awful. Symptoms subside within a week or so of being off ( we had a Christmas shutdown, in addition to my leave during which I recovered), so I know it's from this work, and I believe it's allergic. I told them about it and was directed to their health and safety person, but with my wife going into early labor I never got a chance to talk to him. I emailed hr to unofficially give two weeks, but before I started my first shift back from my leave I called them and told them I would not be able to come back, in reference to the health issues. Looking back on those few months, I felt terrible and got very little worthwhile sleep. I was more sleep deprived then than I am now with an infant. But I feel like an asshole for not going in anyways, and offering a professional workplace a professional leave. Aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b4r0h4
|
{
"description": "not respecting the parent's wishes, as a babysitter",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for not respecting the parent’s wishes, as a babysitter?
|
I (18,F) occasionally babysit two twin boys (6) for a nice, Christian family. They often have me read from a kid’s bible and say prayers with them before bed.
I was raised Catholic but am agnostic now and I’m not big on the whole religion thing, but I have no problem doing this. I respect that it’s their religion and they have a right to raise their kids this way. Besides even though religion isn’t for me I still can appreciate its good qualities and recognize that prayer and faith in something bigger can be a beautiful thing.
However, last night the parents said they had left the kid’s bible at their church last week and asked me to read from a Ken Ham kid’s book instead. It was called the Answers Book for Kids. I told them I would, not knowing what was inside. I didn’t know who Ken Ham was but I looked it up after reading some of the book- he’s the guy who thinks not only was there a literal flood that covered the earth but Noah actually took dinosaurs in the ark lmao. He built a giant ark in Kentucky and argued with Bill Nye and stuff.
I started reading from a page in the book about where we came from. I was shocked how how the book misconstrued the theory of evolution and blatantly made things up. For example, the book said something along the lines of, “Some people want you to believe that we evolved from monkeys-how silly does that sound?” No. Just no. The theory proposes that humans and apes shared a common ancestor, NOT that we evolved from monkeys, and when you put it that way, it sounds just as silly as a giant guy up in the sky. I tried flipping through the pages to find a page suitable for children but all of them said some shit like how the earth was only 10000 years old, carbon dating is wrong, and dinosaurs existed with people. What 6 year old even knows what carbon dating is anyway. If you don’t believe me I think you can get a preview of the book on google books.
Anyway, after flipping around the book a little I told the boys they could pick out a different picture book and we’d read that instead. I didn’t feel comfortable spreading harmful ideas into impressionable minds. Like I said I do not mind helping the boys pray or reading bible stories but this was just obvious propaganda and willful ignorance.
When the parents got home they asked me if the boys said their prayers and read their book and I respectfully told them that I didn’t feel comfortable reading the book. Awkward silence ensued. I couldn’t tell if it was because they were pissed, or they were confused because they didn’t know what was in the book (which I thought might be the case since they seem like nice, intelligent people and I can’t imagine them teaching their kids those things.)
I still feel really weird about it and maybe I should have just followed the parent’s instructions. After all, they are paying me to take care of their kids. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b7ewl4
|
{
"description": "calling animal control on a potential animal hoarder who isn't outright abusing her animals",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I called animal control on a potential animal hoarder who isn’t outright abusing her animals?
|
Sorry if this is a lot!! So basically my friend vented to me that a girl she knows and is kind of friends with has 52 pets. It was like 20 small pets (like four dogs, a few cats I think, and small exotic reptiles etc) but recently she got WAY MORE. Like a lot more. I saw pictures of at least 15 different animals in the past few days but she has admitted openly to 52 within the past two days.
She provides what I believe may be the minimal amount of care (she feeds them and takes them to the vet) but from what I’ve been told it’s gross in her house. Her parents bankroll the house this girl lives in and she CAN afford it all but it’s...52 animals! On top of that, she wants MORE because some of her animals need “friends” for mental health purposes. In a way I’m glad she’s thinking of specific animals that probably need companions so they aren’t depressed being alone (like some animals really do live better in packs) but that number is excessive and I’m fairly sure it’s illegal here. I can’t find any specifics on how many of each specific animal is illegal in a house hold or if there is even a specific law regarding a person having that many animals if they provide decent care but I don’t believe she is if it’s as gross as what people say cleanliness wise.
Now on top of all of that my friend is scared that she can’t get her pet snake that was being fostered by this girl back. She didn’t have near this many animals when she started fostering my friends snake but now that it’s 52 she wants her snake, who has respiratory issues, back but hoarder girl has refused and also blocked her. She’s scared she can’t get her pet back if she calls it in but I’m about to if she can’t regardless.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b9wbqd
|
{
"description": "being mad at my significant other for going to dinner with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being mad at my significant other for going to dinner with my friends?
|
A new BBQ place opened up down the street and me and my my boyfriend found it together. We planned on going to the place together on Sunday as I work fri and sat. I just found out today that he is going this afternoon with my best friend and one of their friends. We quickly got into an argument about it, since I love bbq and we agreed to go to it together on Sunday. So am I the asshole for being mad at my significant other?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
alkgdr
|
{
"description": "warning my cousin about Buddhism",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for warning my cousin about Buddhism?
|
My cousin has lived her entire life in the western world, and, like many westerners, she has become interested in eastern philosophy and begun to believe in a fetishized, idealistic version of it. The other day she was talking to me and discussed how she wanted to convert to Buddhism and accordingly adopt its practices, including meditation, and I was concerned and told her that meditation is usually only practicable by low IQ individuals as high IQ minds require constant enrichment and are always seeking new ways to apply themselves and therefore cannot be satisfied sitting idly for prolonged periods focusing on literally nothing, but warned that, like drug use, mediation can be appealing to high IQ people by causing momentary stress relief (usually) at the cost of their IQ, leaving practitioners permanently crippled intellectually without the ability to apply themselves in ways that even those with average IQs can. My cousin became very upset when I said this - apparently taking it as a personal insult because she is interested in mediation - and did not calm down when I explained that I was only concerned for her wellbeing.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
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|
aq9zfu
|
{
"description": "not putting up with someone being extremely annoying and lashing out at him for it",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not putting up with someone being extremely annoying and lashing out at him for it?
|
I go to a pretty good school, and for this year they decided to move me down to a different set since I had done god awful in my mock exams.
I got stuck with this kid and his friends, and all of them are literally so braindead and annoying that it was already making me mad. Some of them are ok and are genuinely nice people, but that's 2 out of 15.
One of the kids, the "ringleader" of the group, if you would, does his best to out me and embarrass me in front of literally everyone. He'll shout my name with all his friends, act stupid around me, and make the loudest noises possible only around me because he knows I have sensory issues.
I started telling them to "fuck off" at times, and it would come out without me thinking. I even told the teacher to tell that to them once because I was that done.
We used to have example questions for Science second period on a Monday, and as per the usual, I was stuck with him for Science. He sat right behind me, and kept kicking my leg. He was also kicking my chair and making the same stupid noises. Eventually, near the end of the lesson, I got sick of his shit and gave him a hard punch to the gut.
This not only ended up bad with the teachers, but also for me. Because after this, he used this as a way to start outing me more.
I'm sick of his shit and I'd honestly throw him out a window if I had a choice.
I constantly tell him to fuck off, ignore him if i'm not already pissed off, and I just can't take this anymore.
Oh and apparently teachers can't do shit otherwise they'd have to kick me out for hitting him. So I just have to put up with this for 4 more months.
AITA
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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hdHUJM5Zbdi4PRpCKeGbzEw39P4RQTvQ
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aylkk5
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{
"description": "being upset that my friend invited someone I'm not a fan of",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset that my friend invited someone I'm not a fan of
|
There was a time when me, my friend, and someone (Person C) were all friends. However, I noticed that Person C had some odd tendencies
* He would speak to his family members rudely
* He would complain his girlfriend was overweight
* He would take the bus without paying
* He would talk about my friend's date's race (African-American) as if it was Taboo
* He would bail on plans last minute and make up excuses such as "breaking his finger"
Eventually, I noticed that this individual was not pretty on the inside but I did nothing. One day Person C and I got into a conflict and Person C cut off all communication with me. At this point, I realized that if Person C was able to cut off all communication with me, then our friendship was not as strong as I thought it was. As such, I extended an olive branch out of courtesy which was not accepted so I never pursued trying to fix that friendship.
​
I explained the situation to my friend. My friend and I are very close. She calls me her closest friend in the city we reside within. The nature of relationship between my friend and Person C also changed in that Person C was more distant to my friend. However, they still talked.
​
Recently, my friend wanted to go to an event with me and I said we could go together but I didn't want anyone else with us. We both wanted to network together with others rather than "hang out" at this event. Unknowing to me, Person C was also attending. The night before the event, Person C contacted my friend and asked if he could go with her. My friend accepted and notified me of her decision. I tried to convince my friend to tell Person C to attend with a mutual acquaintance of ours. It did not work. At this point, I felt upset with my friend since I had specifically agreed to go with her on the condition that no one else would be coming with us.
​
In the morning, another friend (Person E) wanted to attend with me so I agreed that we would all go together and split up once we got at the event. I would go with Person E and Person C would go with my friend.
​
On the way there I asked Person C asked Person E why she did not go with her normal group of friends. I asked Person C why he didn't go with his usual group of friends. He said they weren't going. Clearly my friend was the "last choice" for Person C. The entire 5 minute walk was uncomfortable to me.
​
I'm torn with my feelings. I want to tell my friend I think it was unsavory of her to renege on our agreement but at the same time she should be free to go with anyone. I am unsure of the way forward. I would like to know if AITA.
​
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HISTORICAL
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fN6OM0KbZsw65hIM8cX4kvUQ4bpt6kUT
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ahg0fm
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{
"description": "breaking up with my LDR GF because she doesn't seem to want to have a face-to-face date",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I break up with my LDR GF because she doesn't seem to want to have a face-to-face date?
|
Throwaway because some friends follow my Reddit and I really don't want this to get out there.
​
Ok, so I am having this LDR with a girl. It is not as far as one could expect, we're in the same country (which is fairly small to begin with) just in different towns. We have made our relationship official back in October-November.
​
I work a full-time job and she is in her senior year of high school (I'm 20 and she's 19), therefore the only reasonable time we could meet up would be during the weekend.
​
I can say that we are both attracted to each other: we are often flirting with each other and she likes my other work as well (some silly youtube videos of mine and recordings of the times I went to perform stand-up).
​
Now, she is pretty shy. VERY. ^(Either that or I am an idiot and being catfished without me even realizing.) She told me that her phone loses connection to wi-fi if she enters in a video call on instagram (which is the only way to contact her), I can rarely call her because she claims the reception in her town is bad and her laptop has been broken ever since we have met ^(Again, maybe I am being fooled here.) She very rarely even sends pictures of herself because she considers herself to be ugly. I try to comfort her and that she is very beautiful to me, but I still have just 2 pictures of her saved on my phone.
Now, of course, because of the reasons above, I believed that we could have a face-to-face date, to make sure that the chemistry remains the same. I have started suggesting her we meet up for a date during the holidays back in late November and at first she really seemed to be into the idea. But as the date drew near she wouldn't want to plan this any further and she would answer DMs very slowly.
​
I have confronted her about it and she gave me a the following motive: because she is very shy, she very rarely answers DMs and she thought she was not ready. I have respected that and told her that I will have some more patience.
​
Now I am starting to suggest to her to meet up for my birthday (my birthday is very close to St. Valentine's as well, so it would be great timing) and, again, at first she seemed to be a lot into the idea. But lately, when I asked her more on these plans, she tells me that "she doesn't know how" we should meet up, even though I have given her only two choices that, in my opinion, would be very easy to choose from:
a. she comes to my hometown
b. I come to hers.
She also has gastroparesis and says that she can't meet me because of her illness. Again, totally understandable, she even sent me a short video zooming up on a bag with IV fluid in the hospital.
Now, in a few months it will be 1 year since we would have met each other, in August. I really want us to meet face-to-face so we can establish enough of a connection to go on holiday together by that time.
​
I have had other LDRs before and they all have ended because the two of us wouldn't meet due to other circumstances. I have gotten into this one, seeing that now I have the possibility to travel to another town. The only thing remaining would be for her to be on board with all of this and it would be a date. But I fear that my patience is starting to run thin and I believe that if we do not meet up during this year, I will break up with her.
​
So, would I be the asshole if I did that, considering that she's shy and sick, but that we have also planned this for months?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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MGB8rD8XrUGE4arkUmkjGKVoh1NS7dQz
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b5qq64
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{
"description": "wanting to buy a new phone after my parents bought me the one I have now",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA, for wanting to buy a new phone after my parents bought me the one I have now?
|
So backstory! About a year ago I was planning on buying the s9 a couple months after it had come out. But instead of buying it myself as I planned to, my parents offered me to buy it alongside a new phone service, by changing our my old phone which took 1/2th of the price away. And sure, were not a high income family per say, so it did certainly cost them a fair amount when they did it alongside with my sister new phone.
Now I want to buy the s10 after the summer when I've got enough. But my sister says that it isn't respectful of me, because it's not even a year old and also since they paid for it. Even tho I'm paying for the phone completely by myself.
Pls help
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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deOOz5nCjIfN5dZxzfqphl6JeB0eNpj4
|
b5zyyb
|
{
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to go Las Vegas with people she has known for less than 2 months",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to go Las Vegas with people she has known for less than 2 months?
|
To set the stage, I have been dating this girl for a little over four years. So about two months ago my girlfriend, who is just 18, joined a MLM. She was recruited by this woman who is 26, and who is married to a 27 year old guy. I'll use the name Mary in place of my girlfriend's real name, and Emily in place of the girl who brought her into this MLM.
​
About two weeks ago Mary came and told me she was going to go to this conference in Las Vegas with the woman who got her into this business. I thought that was really strange, considering she didn't know who this girl was at the start of 2019. And then she mentioned that Emily's husband was also going. That was too strange for me. She is going to the other side of the country with two people who are close to a decade olde than her, and they are all sharing the same hotel room together.
​
To me, there are three big issues:
1. She is going to Las Vegas with people she barely knows, she's probably met them 4 times in her life. She says she knows Emily and her husband but there's no way she can get to know someone that well, that quick.
B. They're sharing the same hotel room. This is where I'm curious if I am just being an asshole boyfriend, but I hate the idea of a 27 year old sharing the same room as my girlfriend. I feel like any guy that age who would spend the night in the same hotel room with a girl that young is probably a guy who can't be trusted.
D. I am very concerned about her safety. Emily and her husband will probably want to go out for drinks when they're not at the conference, and I'm concerned about my girl. If they go out for drinks or something I doubt they'll keep a strong eye on my girl. I am very afraid of her literally getting snatched off the street.
​
We have gotten into several arguments about it; every time it is brought up I get frustrated. Am I in the right to be concerned or am I just being an overprotective asshole? Am I just being a dick who is getting upset over what could be a fun vacation? I lose sleep over it because it makes me so worried. Any advice you have would also be welcome. Thank you for taking your time and reading my post.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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Hxc89t56vMyZGfWnuh6rE1jptRnRyybG
|
a6w3qq
|
{
"description": "rejecting a $200 dollars ring from my mom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for rejecting a $200 dollars ring from my mom?
|
(Non-native English speaker, so please excuse any mistakes)
My sister just graduated from university, and my mom got her (what in my countries currency amounts to) a $200 dollar ring. It was a surprise for her, but she had already told me she planned to buy it. It’s a thick white band with a row of zirconia on each side.
Morning of the day we will celebrate the graduation we (my mom and I) are in the car together talking about the party and the ring. Not really wanting to make it about me, but also wanting to warn her as soon as possible, I tell her when I graduate (one year from today) she shouldn’t get me a ring because I don’t want one, and we changed the subject.
My reasons for not wanting one:
1) I hate expensive things (unless it’s a tool, and the price is directly proportional to how much easier it’s going to make my life)
2) I suck at wearing jewelry. There’s boxes and boxes of bracelets, rings and necklaces I NEVER wear.
3) The few times I do wear rings I’m cursed to lose them. It’s insane, it can be cheap, expensive, my favourite thing ever, and I’m still going to lose it. The one time I let her buy me a $20 ring I lost it the first time wearing it. If you made a list with possible candidates to carry the One Ring to Mount Doom, my name would come *after* Gollum.
That evening the party is going super smoothly, and she suddenly asks me to talk in her room. Oh no. She takes a small bag that looks exactly like my sister’s and tells me she had already bought me a ring. She asks me to open it and it’s the exact same ring as my sister, only instead of white, the thick band is pink.
I tell her she should take it back to the store, and that it’s super nice of her but that my decision is final. Here’s the part that makes me feel like an asshole: she tells me it’s ok it just keep it in the box, that she wants to make us a special gift, and that we can just look at the ring and remember the occasion. And I tell her that’s not smart, why waste that amount of money on something I’m not even going to use? She tells me she chose it specifically with my taste in mind, because it’s PINK! Not really true since I only wear thin and small rings, but whatever. “If you don’t like it we can go back to the store and change it”, but the thing is *I don’t want a ring, and I’ve already told her*. To make matters worse, she told me she can’t take the ring back, only change it for something else.
What’s the point of having something I’m not even going to use? If the idea is to have a memory, a video will do the job. This morning I completed a one week long deep cleanse of my room, and got disgusted by how much unused stuff I own. If the idea is to wear it and think of her, then it’s only going to break my heart when I lose it.
Am I being an asshole by not accepting her feelings, and just keeping the ring in a box?
|
HISTORICAL
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LgbblgXPkLTfY9Qiot524DnTxghssFEM
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b838p9
|
{
"description": "uninviting my wife to a boys only trip",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for uninviting my wife to a boys only trip ?
|
I'm gonna try to make the story short. If you want more details, feel free to check my post history. So basically me and my friends planned a trip and we had some female friends who was gonna come and my sister and her husband was gonna come to and I thought it would be correct to invite my wife. The trip is planned for next month but my female friends change their minds and wanted to go to another destination instead of the one we planned to go to and my sister and her husband decided to go somewhere else to so it ended up just being me and the boys so that resulted in me inviting my wife and in result, she got mad at me. But she should not be mad because I thought it would be weird for her to be with guys only. I certainly wouldn't want to be with my wife and her female friends only. She is mad at me for that but it's totally unreasonable for her to be mad. Even after promising her that I will take her on another trip when I come back from the boys trip to make up, she is still mad ? I'm I an asshole? Because i don't believe I am.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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HEnR6Y59G43RGJ4XDqjSGI8CrVES1Yqm
|
b1kh2e
|
{
"description": "selling clothing I'd bought for my nieces",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I sold clothing I'd bought for my nieces?
|
Part of me feels asshole-ish just thinking about this (because they are children), but part of me does not feel like an asshole whatsoever.
I work at a clothing store and had stocked up on cute summer clothing for my three nieces (all under 5). I sent my sister pictures and told her that I would have them for the girls when they came to visit next.
My sister recently decided to cut ties with me because I told her that I would not be lending her any money. She told me that she could not afford to pay me back, but could afford to go to concerts and bars and get new tattoos. She has blocked me on social media and has blocked my phone number.
I am selling clothing that no longer fits my brother online, so WIBTA if I sold the clothing I'd bought for my nieces too?
I would like to add that I know that I should not punish the children because my sister is angry with me, but it is unlikely that I will see them again unless my sister comes around.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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aAGunWOHGNrdHtRxxurp7lI8nl2GWeFJ
|
atroy3
|
{
"description": "telling my best friend's parents about something she didn't want to talk about",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for telling my best friend’s parents about something she didn’t want to talk about?
|
I (F18) was hanging out with my best friend (17F) earlier tonight and we decided we wanted to go check out one of my favorite venues for local bands.
We are both still in high school and live with our parents, for context.
Anyways, we’re planning out our night, when she mentions that it is starting to get late and her parents wouldn’t want her out tonight anyways. I say fine, let’s just go have a girl’s night in at your place and we can maybe go tomorrow or the next weekend.
She starts saying that her parents wouldn’t say yes anyways but she really wanted to go and was generally frustrated with her parents for the lack of freedom. Hold on girl, in less than a few months you’ll be deemed a “legal adult” and free to make your own decisions. As if a few months difference is going to signify any increase in maturity. I digress.
We go downstairs for dinner and sit down with her parents. As conversation gets going I casually bring up the venue, trying to make it sound like a really nice and not sketchy place. (It really is not, but I knew her parents would be hesitant about it because “local music” and “teenagers” apparently do not go well together.)
Her mom immediately shoots my best friend down, and excuses me to go upstairs. I stay for a minute in order to try and defend her, myself, and the venue for fuck’s sake, but eventually I let in and go to her room. I can hear her mom scolding her and comparing her to her brother. I feel bad and consider going home at this point, as I’m sort of uncomfortable.
Best friend comes up after a while, shuts the door and starts crying to me about how I shouldn’t have said anything, that she knew her parents would get mad and I should’ve known that too. She says it’s my fault she got yelled at. I didn’t know what to say other than, “How was I supposed to know they’d react that way? It’s not MY fault THEY yelled.”
AITA?
TL;DR brought up going to a local concert venue to my best friend’s parents, they yelled at her for even considering it, best friend blamed it on me
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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C7N88yNavEuWYGgrdYSmWspx16GSECca
|
a6mfwj
|
{
"description": "doing a religous debate in middle school",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for doing a religous debate in middle school?
|
Ok this was a while ago, but its always bothered me. Ive been aetheistic for a while, and while I havent been as adamant about it now (not actively pondering about and that) I really was in middle school.
Basically my lead teacher (who was really cool btw) decided we should do debates. Everyone was doing normal shit like debating whether school should start earlier or something. But I thought I should debate wether there was a God. Now the two people who paired up against me said that was fine. So we went ahead and did it.
Now keep in mind that I live in Pennsylvania. And people were even more religous than usual. One kid even thought we shouldnt debate because it was offensive or something. Which I thought was stupid. So debate finally happens and they brought really dumb arguements like why are planets round and giving evidence from movies that are "based on a true story" and dumb shit like that. While I brought up alot of points that they wouldnt even respond to.
So it ends and of course almost the whole class votes against me because of course. Now this really fucked me up because alot of people would actually resent me after that and I felt terrible.
Sorry that was such a long story its just been stuck in my head for a while and I was womdering what you guys think.
P.S If you're religous that's totally ok Im cool with that but if you want to debate me or something please P.M me I dont want to turn this post into one huge debate.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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2F56gjUakDmAgLt3PCbXdFH4brJOV1YE
|
9ypkmd
|
{
"description": "not caring about making a good impression with the vulgar friends of a friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not caring about making a good impression with the vulgar friends of a friend?
|
Two nights ago I was going to a quick drink before dinner organized by a friend of mine who I hadn’t seen or heard from in a long time; we used to be very close, but then she got engaged and started building on her career and I had to focus on mine.
So I was pleased to know she was planning something for the evening for our group of friends and decided to attend.
Unfortunately, due to a few work related issues I had to call in and tell them I was gonna be around 25 minutes late.
Thankfully, another friend of mine was late as well and offered to drive me to the place.
As we’re driving to the location we receive several audio messages from our friend, saying she wasn’t happy at all of us being late and that since there weren’t any seats to the pub, “they” had decided to have dinner to a nearby Chinese restaurant, out of nowhere.
I only had 10€ as I had forgot to withdraw, enough for a drink but too little for a full dinner, and since we were already late I decided to go to the restaurant anyway and order only a few small courses.
When we got to the place, neither me or the friend who had driven me were happy for the last minute change, but since we were 20 minutes late we decided to just go with it, since we didn’t want to piss her off anymore.
As we enter the restaurant we discovered that our friend had brought with herself her fiancée (generally a nice guy but can get pretty tiring and obnoxious with his usual array of sexist and lame jokes) and a friend of her fiancée, a guy who I recognized from a previous night out and whose antics are much worse than those of the fiancée.
My other two friends, who had got there on time, seemed to just be going on with it and try to have a good time, despite not being fans of that particular individual.
My jaw locked (this wasn’t the first time she had invited him to our nights out without telling anything to anyone, despite criticizing others in the past who brought their SOs with them) and i tried my best not to look uncomfortable, despite one lame “joke” from the fiancée that was something like “5 minutes more and I would have beaten you to a pulp” which really isn’t a kind of humor I appreciate and felt more like a passive aggressive stance to prove I don’t know what. But again, we were late so we just laughed and took our seats.
I sat near one of the other two friends and since one of them had been left by his fiancée the day before I tried to ignore the Fiancée and Friend and focus on how he was doing.
However, as expected, they soon started to act in a most despicable manner.
They started speaking loudly, calling the waiters with subtle racial slurs and cursing out loud.
They weren’t particularly offensive but just plain vulgar while the cursing itself was just too much, in a restaurant with full tables.
I tried to look for my friend, the girl who had organized the night out, on the other part of the table but she just smiled at me as if everything was going fine.
She knew perfectly well that his fiancée was more than welcomed to join us in our night outs (despite calling her, in front of everyone during the dinner, “a shovelful of shit” something I already pointed out to her in the past, despite her seemingly not caring beyond wearing a distressed look on her face), but that guy was certainly not, from past situations.
She used to be a pretty smart woman and when we previously pointed out her friend’s behavior she just apologized but kept inviting him to our nights out.
Since everyone seemed to just roll with it I just decided to continue ignoring them and focus on a friend of mine who was cracking up subtle jokes about them.
One of these jokes made me laugh a bit and apparently the girl who had organized the night noticed it.
The evening kept getting worse; the friend of mine who had driven me there got nervous from the guys’ behavior and we ended up fighting for a frivolous and unrelated issue.
Later, when I tried to pay my order (below the 10€) the waiter informed me she was gonna split the bill between us, reaching 16€ each, as they didn’t accept payments per order.
I told the girl I only had those 10€ and she berated me in front of everyone saying “we always split, but DON’T WORRY we’ll PAY your part”.
I got so angry at that point that I just yelled “Whatever, AU REVOIR SHOSHANNA” and left the restaurant cause I just couldn’t care less about leaving a good impression after all that had happened.
I later called the friend I had argued with (she apologized for her behavior and blamed the overall uncomfortableness of the evening for making her nervous) and told me our Friend was angry at me for laughing at those subtle jokes about her fiancée’s guy saying I was very rude and “the only one who wasn’t having a good time”.
Now, I decided I’m not ever participating to another evening organized by her. I’m more than happy to see her in other situations or things organized by other people in our group, but if I’m ever seeing that guy again I’m gonna turn around and leave, maybe without quoting fictional nazi generals this time.
I’m not even planning on texting her or ask her to talk about what happened; she is already aware of our feelings on that awful guy, but it seems like she has more of a selective memory/perception when things about her fiancée or his friends are discussed even privately with her and frankly I have better things to do than trying to fix the behavior of grown men.
My other friends told me it would be a bit harsh for me to actively avoid nights out organized by her but at this point, I really just don’t care.
So, am I the asshole for not caring about making a good impression with her vulgar friend? Should I have been more upfront and confront them again?
TL;DR Friend of mine invited a well known trashy friend of her fiancée to a gathering of my group of friends, despite knowing our feelings about him, I ended up looking like the only one who couldn’t stand him and left the restaurant we were eating in, quoting a Christoph Waltz character.
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RIGHT
|
j8q8VQ6tnE291xXqj8ex4rCIaDhBkpuQ
|
9yujsn
|
{
"description": "taking revenge on the washing machine bandit",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA- for taking revenge on the washing machine bandit?
|
I’ve always assumed I was a major asshole for doing this, but my friends beg to differ, I’d love to get Reddit’s thoughts.
When I was a freshman in college I was in the basement of my dorm attempting to do laundry when I saw a girl that needed help with her washer. I don’t remember exactly what the problem was but neither of us could get her washer to work so we put in a work order and I told her to come back in 30 minutes and use my washer when I’m done with it. I noticed she had her laundry in a distinct laundry bag, this will come into play later.
Well, as the saying goes, no good deed goes unpunished. I came back to my washer the millisecond my timer was up and I found all of my laundry lying on the floor, and it looked particularly soaked, as if someone had taken it out early. I was trying to figure out who the laundry dick could be when I noticed the empty bag that belonged to the girl from before sitting directly on top of the washer and the girls clothes were still in the washer. Acting impulsively I decided to hurl her bag behind the stack of dryers in such a way it would be a real pain for her to get out. I was fully aware it was petty but I was pretty annoyed, the floors in the dorm are nasty and now I’d need to rewash all my clothes. The only weird part of this story is that the washers generally lock while they are in the middle of a cycle so I have no idea how she would have gotten my clothes out. I did see some maintenance guys in there so I’m wondering if they turned the power off to the washers and she was able to take my clothes out, but I’ll never really know.
Tl;dr girl I help with laundry takes my wet clothes out early and throws them on the floor so I throw her laundry bag behind a dryer
Anyways, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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R7HBzpU3dIRxgoEYYPXjLRe0TAjEEDRd
|
9vdkvi
|
{
"description": "switching obese people's drink at McDonald's",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 426
}
|
AITA For switching obese people's drink at McDonald's
|
I work at McDonald's and when a obese person orders coke I switch it with coke zero and I also skimp on the fries. I do this to save them some calories, and no can tell the differnce so I figure I do no harm?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
3YnKqd1pwL7UcS0TlmMozPAXufkJDpHK
|
a5usz6
|
{
"description": "getting the roommate kicked out over dishes",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting the roommate kicked out over dishes?
|
Ok. First things first: I'm just the GF of the house owner. I don't pay anything here. We've lived together for a year.
Many old roommates have wanted this guy kicked out. For a many reason. He fought for an entire week or more to try and have the other (new) roommate walk down two flights of stairs to use the basement bathroom because he didn't want to share. And the upstairs bathroom isn't even connected to his room. It's not private; he's not paying for a private bathroom. **That's just** ***one*** **example.**
My BF won't rent the upstairs room next to him because he knows the conflict that will come with doing so.
We're giving him *two months* notice. And my BF wanted to kick him out last week. I stopped it from happening. I have defended him, a plenty. Not that he's ever right, more so that I feel bad for him: this is the first place he's stayed at for more than a year ever since his mom kicked him out when he was 14. He re-traumatizes himself every time he moves, as he's said it's never been peaceful, he's always been an jerk about it, etc. But he's a 40-year-old man-child who is paying rent at almost half the amount the room could be worth. My boyfriend never gave him notice, much because of me. My BF has also lost roommates because of him. Anyway...
This guy and I would have civil conversations about the dishes, and things would get better, until things reverted back to his mess. Because this guy talks back, turns tables, derails the conversation, etc, the issue of dishes has finally caused me to yell during the past few conversations. So, I decided to take myself out of the equation. I decided to do mine and my BF's by hand. Easy peasy. We have two of everything in the dish strainer. They're always clean and available to use. Etc.
Thing is, for the first time *ever* the roommate decides to touch the dishes in the strainer. Even when they *were* his containers, finishing drying from small pools of water that collected from the dish washer, the roommate never touched anything in the strainer. Even when his stuff would sit there for a week or more until I took care of it.
And then when I started doing dishes by hand, he started using our *two* plates. Because he dirtied the four other ones!
I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but that means I have to wash his dishes if my boyfriend and I want to have a meal. It means he doesn't respect boundaries, and he doesn't care if we don't have dishes available. It means he's ok with letting me clean for him, but not turning on the friggin' dish washer!
So. For the millionth time I approached him about the dishes. I asked him if he could not use the ones in the strainer, and explained it's so my BF and I would have a plate available for when we want to eat, that I don't want to have to clean his in order to be able to eat, etc. He started mocking me, laughing at me, arguing. I started yelling, etc. I told him I defended him just last week when my boyfriend wanted to kick him out. And then just as loudly, I told my boyfriend to go ahead and print off the notice. And now he has two months to find a new place.
***Important:*** Just to be clear, my boyfriend is awesome and does a lot for me. I try to give back. We don't shoot for conventional, it's just what works in our lives right now.
TL;DR: Boyfriend gave roommate notice because I was fed up with the way our roommate treats me. I have defended this roommate a lot, otherwise. He has not been kicked out previously because of me.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
siXiTPGfOGwIBkACVcbiu7tA9xDfB2Pe
|
am2mp7
|
{
"description": "flushing the toilet",
"pronormative_score": 101,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For flushing the toilet
|
So let me explain I work from 7 am to 4:30 pm Monday - Friday. I take 10 minutes breaks during the day and usually at bathrooms breaks.
This happen yesterday and now I’m getting told by my friends that I was an asshole for the incident.
Yesterday I was in a bathroom break minding my bussines usually checking Facebook or reddit. I honestly didn’t hear anyone enter the restroom or talking I was really entertained reading a choosing beggars story. I finish did my thing and flush the toilet. This toilets are not like the ones at home this are Industrial type of things when you flush is really really loud and they last a really long time. I buckle up and open my stall and this girl starts yelling at me.
It took me a second to realize with this girl was bashee screaming at me.
I told her to back off in a really angry tone.
She starts telling me how much of an asshole I am and how much I embarrassed her by flushing the toilet! How could I not hear that she was on her phone with her crush. I humiliated her by the guy finding out that she was talking to him and using the restroom.
I wanted to laugh but I move to the sink and told her that I didn’t embarrassed her, that she put her self in that position by going to the bathroom while talking to her crush! If she had any respect for the person she should of said hey I will call you in 5 or something like that. I also said that she can not expect to go in a bathroom and no one to be there or that no one to flush. That next time have some common sense and take her calls in the break room or out side.
She started again screaming that I should have waited cause I clearly heard her going in the bathroom and talking on the phone.
I cut her off and said that it wasn’t any of my bussines and that I didn’t hear her enter. I started to move to the exit and she was almost at tears by this point and she just screamed at me that I was a bitch!
I left and went to my desk told my co worker and he was laughing with me.
But today some other people found out and told me that I was in fact an asshole by doing it on purpose and then not apologizing to her.
So Reddit AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
zE4jdVbVza961D1rgWTAjyB7tId4pboR
|
akt6bi
| null |
AITA who ruined my relationship with my childhood bestfriend?
|
Backstory: we met at 11 and became friends mostly because of our circumstances. We never really had anything in common but remained good friends anyway. She is a Jehovah's Witness and so we were only friends at school. She could not do the things I could do (like have a Myspace or a cell phone) and we could not ever hang out. I went to her house once for a school project.
She had a rough time once she started high school. She had difficulty accepting how strict her parents were and rebelled a lot. She also self harmed, was mildly promiscuous, overdosed on her dads narcotics, and was suicidal for a time period. She also developed an autoimmune disorder as she got older. On top of not seeing her much due to her religion she became hospital homebound the last two years of high school if I remember correctly.
In some ways we were good friends to each other. She used to do sweet things like surprise me with breakfast that she bought from a chik fil a school fundraiser, and she always had my back no matter what. I used to smuggle her tampons and gave her passwords to all of social media, which she would use to talk to her boyfriend. I may have been one of her only friends but I'm honestly not sure. I dont know of anyone else she was close to. I had more friends, many of whom I spent a lot more time with, but she was still very special to me. I thought we would be friends forever.
She wanted to leave her family and religion as soon as she graduated. She spoke of some hypocrisy in her congregation, and of how she felt trapped by her family. Her mom was even making a list of potential suitors for her, like a real hand written list of the boys (men?) she approved of.
She ended up getting so sick that she never left.
We lost touch after graduating because of a lack of ability to keep in touch. Eventually she called my dads office (she remembered it's name and googled it) and got my number from my dad. We got close again for maybe 6 months but only over Skype.
I found a full time job and a boyfriend, but since she was so sick she could not work or go to school. Her illness left her bedridden a lot and she kept weird hours. She preferred to talk in the middle of the night because her parents wouldnt catch her then. She had also met a man online somehow that she was dating, but he was older and married. I cant recall if she was serious about him (I think she was) or if it was just an escape.
I did not always reply to her Skype messages and would sometimes fall asleep in the middle of conversations. She got angry at me and told me that her boyfriend said I wasnt good for her health. That I stressed her out and was selfish, I think. I got mad too and said I wanted to be friends with her but it was hard because she couldn't be with me physically, and because I couldn't stay up all night with her when I had to be at work the next day.
I know that I am selfish sometimes. And honestly I had a life outside of her and didn't always want to talk to her every night. There wasnt always that much to talk about, sometimes I was tired at 3 am when she sent the message, sometimes it was date night or I was having sex, sometimes I was at work.
I sort of felt like she had really high expectations of me, but I also feel very guilty and I know I wasnt always there for her when she needed me.
This was 5 years ago now. I ended up marrying the boyfriend and have two kids. I still periodically think about her but I have no way of contacting her and I'm honestly not sure what I'd say. She never reached out to me (and I am easy to find) so I dont think she ever forgave me.
Was I the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
uQAki83W4b8l7rE1Zn7andca2bBor8i5
|
9xrvem
| null |
AITA Friends' acquaintance
|
Let's say they're just friends for some time now, with nothing going on as it's a one sided attraction. I get introduced by the friend to the acquaintance, and I get together with her. The friend gets offended, because "she was his". Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Zclscya0BwgQUjphrwTqE2f3TMPFM8es
|
afx1ew
|
{
"description": "not wanting to date someone because of their voice",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to date someone because of their voice
|
I met someone and we really clicked. He’s transgender, and I don’t have a problem with that, but his voice sounds even more feminine than mine. I don’t know why, but voices play a giant part in my attraction to someone and I feel like a genuine dickhead for making a dealbreaker out of something he can’t control. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Gly4nzIpVdaTQ5TzutONcPv5d8ecnJEE
|
9wxlfl
|
{
"description": "wanting more organization from my family's business",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting more organization from my family's business?
|
Some context: My family runs a mattress business, and I am a minor. I have two paid siblings, and four unpaid siblings within the business.
This business keeps a roof over my head, food in my mouth, and clothes on my back. For this, I am grateful. My mother and father are co-owners, and I have been working unpaid for them my entire life, but again, food and shelter, so I feel that that is payment enough.
However, something that has bothered me ever since I've reached my late teens is that we have absolutely no schedule organization. When one of my siblings or I are called in, we must drop whatever we're doing and come in to help, as long as it isn't sports or public school-related. (Online doesn't count, you might understand what kind of effect that has on my grades...)
I obviously oppose this, and have asked, on multiple occasions, if we could get some sort of schedule. I am not against working in the business as long as I can structure my schedule around it. I have to balance online school, sports, and a social life on top of the business, so I favor being able to plan out my days.
This being said, I recently was called in to dump the garbage. I was grossly cramming schoolwork at the time, but picking up the garbage isn't that time-consuming, so I drove up and collected the garbage to drive to a second location. Halfway there, I get a call from my (paid) sister to come back, because she wants an extra set of hands. I tell her I really don't have the time to spare, but I'll come do it anyways. I drive back, park, and come in, to find out she needs an entire floor-to-ceiling mattress stack done. We get through three of the mattresses when I look at the clock and panic, because I really, really do not have the time. I let my sister know that I have to go, and she calls our mother to try and force me to stay. I tell her to go fuck herself, and that I can't keep dropping study time for the business, and leave.
I feel like this all could have been solved with a weekly schedule for the whole family, and not just the paid siblings. I have no idea at what time each day I will have for studying or relaxation, and my grades are already falling behind because of it. However, I was needlesslesy mean to my sister, who probably really did need help. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
xdmC98oYONgDfJM7rUHqD8RhNDcGkDfH
|
akabwk
|
{
"description": "calling out my mom",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out my mom?
|
Sorry for the long post!! Sorry for any grammar mistakes as well.
So my mom is a person that I can only describe as annoying and coward. I'm gonna tell two stories about her that made me think this way
.
1) I was 16. My best friend at the time was gonna throw a pyjama party (idk if its the right term sorry) for me. So i was VERY excited. The conversation was something like this:
Me: can i go to (friends name) house?
Mom: no. I dont like her
Me : oh, please mom! She's gonna throw a pyjama party for me!
Mom: i said no
.
So little me, heartbroken said to my friend that i couldn't go. The weekend of the party come and my mom says
.
Mom: are you ready to the party?
Me:???????????? You said i couldn't go!
Mom: i never said that. You need to listen what other people say.
Me: you said i couldn't go!!!!
Mom: (annoyed and being sarcastic) YES. iam the bad mother who didnt let you go to your best friends house. You didnt listen to me and now you lost your chance to go! (My friend had invited someone else)
I was pissed at this. And then i realize that she do this all the time. She'd say something, when i confronted her, she's denied saying that or she'd be dramatic and says something like "yes of course. I did this because i wanna to cause you trouble. I am a horrible person yes".
.
2) everything NEEDS to be about her. So i was talking with my grandparents about my interview on a internship of a big company in my country (very big, big opportunity). I was talking that i was excited and my mom cuts my conversation and says:
.
Mom: oh yes, when i did the interview on this company, they were pretty difficult to please! I was one of the last candidates and (famous reporter of this channel) was my competitor!
Me: excuse me, mom. I was talking about-
Mom: (very loudly) SHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm talking
And then she talked for 20 min about the 30+ year old interview. She always does this "shh" very loudly and rude, cutting everyone's conversation so SHE can talk.
I've been calling her bullshit for years, saying that she's rude for doing this, for not being true with her words and lying to make us doubt ourselves (she do that to me and my brother). My brother says i should stop because its no use and i end up being The angry ungrateful daughter, but her actions piss me off so much. I still haven't stopped, but am i the asshole to call her out? What do you guys think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Ev5lfly7rkchErz6uw0j3UpR5KIVU0lj
|
b2138d
|
{
"description": "wanting to distance myself from a new friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for wanting to distance myself from a new friend (potentially toxic)
|
So I made a new friend about a month ago and she is super nice and friendly. However lately all she’s into is going out with guys and hooking up with them. She also always offers to buy me stuff and I always decline because I have my own money etc and don’t like owing people stuff. The other week she bought me a small $10 item I was looking at without telling me (I feel like she’ll expect me to owe her in the future) We also went out shopping the other week and she stole a $5 soda which i was completely against and she just shrugged her shoulders. Now I feel like I owe it to her to stay her friend because;
1. I feel like I’m in too deep
2. She hasn’t got many other friends here
3. I’ve seen her break friendships off and they were super messy.
Would I be an asshole if I slowly faded away from her???
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
tnrFRslBdpGSNSV56tA79IlgMfRzN7H1
|
azukeg
|
{
"description": "accepting a threesome with a girl my male friend is attracted too",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for accepting a threesome with a girl my male friend is attracted too?
|
Okay first of all, I'm female. Quite straight, slightly lesbian. Both girl A and boy B are my close friends who just came to know each other recently, and girl A is dating boy C, though they are a fairly open-minded couple. Boy B fell hard in love with girl A, confessed to her approx 2 weeks ago and was rejected. He is still struggling to mend his broken heart now and has cut off most contact with A.
Regarding the threesome, girl A actually gave me a similar offer a few months ago, but because I was in a relationship then I declined and we laughed it off. Recently I became single, so she renewed her invitation. I was enthusiastic and accepted it right away, because I am fairly attracted to both girl A and boy C, and we set a time and date. Only just now that it dawned on me that this can potentially hurt boy B a lot, and can count as a major betrayal.
But even so I still want and am likely to keep my plans because I have been thinking about this threesome for a while, and I did not think this chance will come again. My stubborn thinking goes along the lines of "he's trying not to have anything to do with her and there's not much relation between the two incidents so it's fine". I'm relatively bad at understanding common sense which is why I am posting here. Judgement, I welcome you.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
t5At0OlVcYAXe1TRygrqIIS3kD1M6wwB
|
agwuwe
|
{
"description": "wanting the money we make from airbnb to cover our rent first",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting the money we make from AirBNB to cover our rent first?
|
My BF and I have been dating for 3 years and live in a flatshare. We have separate leases and separate finances - he has had his for his room for a few years now, and I have had mine for two smaller rooms in the apartment for a few months. Because I mostly stay in his room, our plan was to rent out the smallest room on AirBNB.
It's been about two months and it's gone quite well so far. The only issue we have is about the money we make from it. To attach some numbers, let's say his rent is $400, mine is $500, and the amount we make when the room is rented out 85% of the month is $1000. I think we should use the money we make to cover our rent first.
My BF is currently taking it all for himself because he does most of the work for it. I won't dispute that he does. He generally lets the guests in, and before and after they're here he changes or washes the sheets and vacuums in the room. It takes maybe 10 minutes. I help him out with it when I'm around, but more often than not the guests come and go when I'm at work.
I work a 9-5 job. I don't make a lot, but it's enough for me to survive and enjoy life. My BF is a student. He doesn't have any classes and rarely studies. He works about one day a week. He actually makes more money than me a month because he gets significant contributions from his parents. However, he has not been very responsible and is often out of money by the end of the month, whereas I usually still manage to save a fair amount of my income.
I haven't seen a cent of the AirBNB money yet. My BF says it's because he hasn't managed his funds well the last few months but that he has a budget now and it'll be better. However, he still doesn't think I should get the equivalent of my rent covered from the AirBNB funds. That would be a 50/50 split (we both get $500, so I get my rent covered and he gets rent covered +$100). He thinks he deserves more because he does more for it.
So, am I the asshole for wanting a 50/50 split on the AirBNB funds so we both can cover our rent? I see his perspective that he does more for it, but at the same time I'm technically leasing the room we're renting, plus I do help out whenever I can.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
JxiX6bDgqKELMa7ZGKqb5rwBTflla1nJ
|
a2601y
|
{
"description": "telling my boss I couldn't work a day because he scheduled me on a day I'm not available",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my boss I couldn't work a day because he scheduled me on a day I'm not available
|
Some background information, I put my two weeks in at my job recently and my last day is in a few days. When I put my two weeks in the store manager texted somebody else and said that I was a fucking baby for quitting. The store manager and another manager are angry that I'm leaving and now wont speak to me or even say hello.
​
Now onto the actual story, my manager scheduled me for a day when I'm not available. When I started I told them I could only work one day on the weekend because I needed time to do homework on one of the days. Anyways I worked on Saturday and then he scheduled me for Sunday. I told him I couldn't work because I had homework to do for school and he said he expected me to help him out because my last day is on Tuesday. I told him sorry and that I couldn't. He then told me that I was the only one available and he seemed like he was trying to guilt me into saying I would.
​
Now normally I would have at least compromised and said maybe I could work part of the shift but because of the way they have been acting I decided I wouldn't. AITA for saying that I couldn't work a shift that I was scheduled for when I'm not available?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
EprypDAJwNc90Np3THAGFOpwuMg7xf4s
|
9tx83l
|
{
"description": "being upset with how little I see my girlfriend and how little intimacy we get to share, knowing full well she is working full time, in school full time, and raising a 7 year old alone",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset with how little I see my girlfriend and how little intimacy we get to share, knowing full well she is working full time, in school full time, and raising a 7 year old alone?
|
I know from just reading the title, everybody is going to say “Of course! She’s obviously extremely busy”. And that’s 100% true. Here’s the full story.
I’m getting older, almost 30. I’ve been divorced, I’ve shacked up with a long term girlfriend, I’ve dated women of different moral values, and now I’ve finally met someone with similar views, who is awesome, and sweet, and I’m attracted to her. The new part, is that she’s a single mother. This was always a no-go for me in the past because it was just luggage I wasn’t willing to take on in my life but I’ve accepted that at this stage, a lot of women have had kids and I just love this girl.
Anyway, we only get to see each other maybe once a week and usually her son is with us. If the dad takes him, then we might have 3 or 4 hours together and it’s often just chilling out and catching up from a busy school/work week. The same is true when we go on camping trips, or road trips, or theme park visits.
I’ve really had to adjust to not seeing my girlfriend every day or 2. It’s been tough not being able to spend the night with each other or plan to spend every weekend together, but I’ve learned because I’m playing the long game for this girl.
Last week, she had some time to come over in the middle of the day and she was totally alone. We had been texting recently about how we had not had sex in several weeks and we were both looking forward to our next chance in the beginning of December. With this visit, I brought it up and mentioned that we could fool around a little bit. She jokes that she likes the idea but it’s not going to happen because my house is too bright. She is insecure about her body and sex must always happen at night in pitch black. I constantly tel her how beautiful I think she is and that I am attracted to her but it’s just one of her hang ups.
Long story short, she cane over and we sat around and talked for a few hours until she had to get back to the grind.
My thoughts were initially that I have made so many concessions for her and been so supportive and understanding of her tough schedule that maybe she would be supportive of the one time I bring up an interest in sex with her. I usually feel guilty bringing up sex, like it’s asking somebody for money or something. I know I’m not entitled to sex. I’m not owed sex. But it was something that we had discussed, we enjoy doing with eachother, we wish we could do more, and we wasted a perfectly good and exceedingly rare opportunity.
I don’t dare discuss this with her because the last thing she needs is to be stressed out with my stupid brain baggage on top of her full plate.
Are my feelings wrong? Should I discuss it with her in the future? Looking for validation one or the other. Thanks for any help you guys can provide!
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HISTORICAL
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b2buq4
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{
"description": "not spending more time with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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AITA for not spending more time with my gf?
|
I(26m) decided that I was going to go on one more spring break vacation with my boys and that was during the last spring break I went on, which was in 2018. The vacation was set to be a full week which I told her about since the beginning of our relationship. So it has been set in stone for awhile. Me and my SO have been together since November of 2018 which is not that long but long enough for us to be getting pretty serious. We don’t live together but she comes over often. I would say on average 4 times a week.
Before I left I would tell her to come over to my house every day, instead of the usual of other day or so, but I get off a late from work a lot and most of the time we would get together by 9ish at night and I would be going to sleep pretty soon after that because I wake up at 6am, and the longer day wipes me out. Even then I would stay up with her until about 1030 to 11ish, because I wanted to spend more time with her before I left.
I left on Saturday and on Friday we were hanging out from the time I got out of work until about 1030 that night. This is when one of my best friends, pretty much my brother, wanted to come over because he wasn’t going to going to go on the trip with me and my other best friend. All of us are basically family.
Now this is were it went bad because I hung out with them all night and we got drunk. I ended up drinking something bad or my stomach just wasn’t feeling right and I got sick and felt like throwing up in the middle of us having sex. She didn’t seem to be mad at me about this and was trying to be consulting about it but I felt like a POS after that happened. Then I woke up late the next morning because of the drinking. She wanted me to have sex with her again to make up for what I had done the night before but I had to leave to get to where me and my fiend were going for spring break which was about an 8hr drive so I told her that all I could really do was have a quickie and she made it seem like by saying that she was just some side chick or something like that.
I never really thought that it was that big a deal when I said it but I do see her point. In my mind I just wanted to get to where me and my friend had to go and spend one more night with my brother before I left for the week because I rarely get to see him now, maybe once a month, because he is with a girl that is really controlling of him. I feel like I do see her point but also that I really didn’t do a thing wrong because I’ll be coming hack relatively soon.
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{
"description": "being upset with my husband about expectations",
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AITA for being upset with my husband about expectations?
|
Hello, long time lurker, first time posting, but only because I'm starting to question if it's me being completely unreasonable in my marriage.
Background: I've known my husband for 6 years now and we've been married for 2 years. I would consider him my best friend and hanging out with him is fun, BUT! It's starting to feel like that is all we are.
My husband is 27, loves to play magic the gathering, league of legends, and loves to download hentai. It's become a bit of a problem within the past year because that's ALL he wants to do. If I want to go skating, he'll want to stay home and play league with his friends or play MTG Arena. If I say we take our dogs to the dog park, he'll say that I can just do it by myself or bail last minute. We haven't been intimate in months, though I've initiated several times. He just wants to play league. (Yes, I know this is borderline r/deadbedrooms)
The problem: Today is Valentines Day and also our anniversary of when we first met. We don't celebrate our wedding anniversary. For the past few years, we weren't able to be together for our anniversary because of work and long distance. This year, I told him that because we haven't been really intimate lately and I feel like the romance and intimacy between us is dying, so let's go on a date. I told him that I don't expect much, but I would like some flowers or a card. We could go to dinner, and I will pay since I'm picking the restaurant. I just didn't want him to treat me like a friend for today. He agreed and said he would try to be romantic. I've reminded him several days ahead that our anniversary is coming up and then today is the big day. As soon as we wake up, he wants to get the oil changed on our cars. I'm not too happy because he has been off for 5 days and now decides to do it today? Whatever. I do my makeup and get ready for our date. He can tell I'm not too happy and asks why I'm upset. I tell him why and he says that getting the oil changed isn't going to take long, so why am I making it a big deal? I let it go and we drop off the car and go to dinner. At the restaurant, I tell him that we should just put both our phones away and just focus on each other. He agrees. Then he makes a face and says that he crapped his pants. I think he's joking and I don't really believe him. He says he did and asks if I want a picture of it. He eventually heads to the bathroom and comes back to tell me that he did crap his pants a little bit. At this point, I've gotten my food and I'm eating. I got a bit frustrated with him because I just wanted a nice dinner with him and I asked him why he was forcing farts when we are out eating dinner? If he really needed to pass gas, why not do it in the bathroom? Why tell me now while I'm eating? He gets upset at me and tells me that he's tired of me being upset and being rude. I try to talk to him and explain why I'm upset (I'm eating my food and I don't want to talk about poop) but he says that I've been upset since the oil change and that he's tired of dealing with me. Then he pulls out his phone and despite my attempts to talk to him, he gives me the silent treatment. I gave up on talking to him and we just ate our food silently, then picked up our car and came home. I haven't spoken to him since the restaurant.
I'm very disappointed overall because my husband and I barely have time for each other due to work. I thought today would be a nice change and we could enjoy each other's company, but now I'm wondering if I am the asshole for having these expectations of romance and being frustrated about him crapping his pants today.
TLDR: Today is our 2 year anniversary; Husband bails on the romance but delivers with some unwanted #2 during dinner.
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HISTORICAL
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aj4q4w
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{
"description": "sharing with my friend a sticker of my mums face",
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|
AITA for sharing with my friend a sticker of my mums face?
|
A while back I made a sticker for WhatsApp using my mum's face since she had a surprised look (kind of like the Pikachu face).
So today I was talking with a friend and sent the sticker to him as a joke, he found it funny and sent it back to me. My mum's sees that I'm sending her face and gets angry at me and says that I'm insulting her and that I don't respect her, saying that I shouldn't share that with anybody. I tell her that it's just a joke and that I'm not making fun of her, and I've only sent it to a close friend of mine who won't share it with anyone. She then gets really mad and says that it isn't funny and I shouldn't delete that immediately. I tell her she can't take a joke and go away into my room.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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OaIjzjmbGnZhDO8e8g9ofyWBKKt1AD5F
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b5icqm
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{
"description": "calling the leasing office on a guy who keeps puking",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I call the leasing office on a guy who keeps puking?
|
TLDR- dude below me vomits multiple time a day; now my room is starting to smell like vomit
So I live in an apartment that has one floor above me and one below me. The walls are EXTREMELY thin, so we all can hear each other all the time. Since my lease started in August, I’ve noticed that I hear the sound of vomiting every morning and every afternoon. It is very obviously vomiting and it happens multiple times a day, every day, without fail. Although it’s a bit disruptive and gross to hear, I’ve never said anything because like, obviously the guy is having a rough enough time as is; I’m sure he doesn’t want to be puking just as much as I don’t want to hear it.
Lately though, as it’s begun to heat up, my bedroom has begun to smell like puke. You know that smell after you clean up puke but it still lingers? Like that. I figure it’s coming from his bathroom that is probably directly below me.
Would I be an asshole for calling the leasing office about this? I’m honestly not even sure what they could do besides notify him about the fact that others can hear/smell it.
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ahjvv5
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{
"description": "not wanting my bf's dad to stay at our studio apt",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my bf’s dad to stay at our studio apt?
|
I really feel like I have no say in this relationship whatsoever. I wanted him to cut down on weed, he wouldn’t do it. (he’s high literally 24/7) we have 2 cats who fight to the death. We have no choice but to give one of them away. I’m giving mine up to my mom in 2 weeks and it breaks my heart. She lives in NY, we’re in FL so I can’t visit him that much. I already had to give up many pets to move in with my bf. My snake, fish, bunny, chinchilla, dog. (My mom kept the dog.) I ask for head, I don’t get it. I wanna play a video game, he changes the tv to hulu instead.
Now his dad is a growing issue. A little backstory: His dad moved to FL with him and was allowed to stay with him until he saved up for a place under the condition that he stayed sober and kept a job. He ended up being a nightmare and got the cops called on him multiple times. He ended up homeless. We used to live in a 2 bedroom apt so I was totally cool with his dad living with us. Now we live in a studio apt. One fucking room. And his dad spends the night OFTEN. It’s gotten to the point where he won’t even ASK! Tonight, he came over to shower at like 8pm and ended up staying until 2am just expecting us to let him crash here. My boyfriend and I exchanged looks because we can’t even talk privately, we have one fucking room. He asked his dad how much longer he was planning on staying and he said “I was actually just gonna stay the night.” Jesus fucking christ I am livid. I help with bills and I cover all other expenses and I don’t even feel like this is my fucking house. I’m not even on the lease ffs because my boyfriend doesn’t want us to have to pay an extra 25 a month. I payed more than half to get us in here and I covered HIS cat fee. I get no fucking say even though this IS my house. I’m so incredibly frustrated right now because I feel so sick tonight and I’m literally on the verge of a fucking panic attack. The only privacy I can get is if I isolate myself in the shower for a few hours and I can’t even do that because his dad smoked god knows how many cigarettes in our tiny studio apartment bathroom and the smell makes me sick. I smoke too but not in the bathroom because it’s such a small space and I hate the smoke smell when I’m nauseous which I very much am right now. And I KNOW I won’t get any sleep tonight because his dad needs the TV on and will eventually snore loud as fuck. I want to rip my fucking hair out. I’m shaking with anger. I’m not normally this bitchy over his dad staying the night but tonight I feel like absolute shit I just wanna be alone in my house with my boyfriend and his dad didn’t even ask. didn’t even fucking ask. I can’t.
I really don’t know if I’m the asshole here or not. I feel bad kicking his dad out on the street but I can’t do this either I just fucking can’t it’s so insanely frustrating especially on top of all the other things I feel like I have no say over. Seriously, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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awe3c0
|
{
"description": "telling an homeless that Jesus does not help him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for telling an homeless that Jesus does not help him?
|
There's an homeless man who draws with colored chalks pictures of Jesus and Mary on the street floor. He asks for some change. I don't think he gets drunk or do drugs, never saw him harassing people. Once I bought him a sandwich and a bottle of water and told him, dead serious, staring in his eyes, "Listen to me: this sandwich and waterm that's not from Jesus. That's from me. Jesus did not give you anything. I did. Forget about Jesus!"
He answered "The fact you gave me a sandwich is part of God's plan".
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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OfQwvWLdIiOhovzYgpzN9GlFFManBf4P
|
a8g4ma
|
{
"description": "being \"ungrateful\" for music lessons that I never asked for",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being "ungrateful" for music lessons that I never asked for?
|
My husband wants to teach me about music and how to play it. I have never been musically inclined or that interested in music. He played guitar growing up and was in a band in college. I bought a ukelele and learned how to play one simple song on it a few years ago for his birthday - that's the extent of my musical career. He has really been pushing me lately to learn more.
He sort of cornered me into a lesson about a week ago. I felt really uncomfortable about it at the time and he seemed to be upset and frustrated that I wasn't as interested as he wanted me to be. I didn't like that he didn't ask me ahead of time if I wanted to do this or had the time to do it then. I let him know that next time we should schedule a time and have a start and stop.
We never really set a time except to say during my 2 days off this week. Both days went by and it wasn't mentioned again. My shift started this afternoon so I had the morning to relax a bit and he really pushed until I relented and reluctantly accepted the lesson. He was asking me to count beats in a measure in a way that I just felt really put on the spot and not comfortable about. I felt a lot of pressure to perform and I sort of mentally shut down... like it felt like I was there but just watching myself freeze up. He was being really nice and encouraging but I just felt really withdrawn.
We moved into his room and he was trying to figure out the chords to a song, and I checked my facebook while he was figuring stuff out. He got really upset and called me a jerk and left the house.
I know that music is really important to him and he's upset because he felt like I was being disrespectful by being withdrawn. I fully agree that it was disrespectful of me to be on my phone. I feel like he overreacted by storming out. I want to want to learn about it but in the moment I feel a lot of pressure and it makes me withdraw - I think part of the pressure comes from his expectation that I should be happy and grateful for the lessons he is springing on me. AITA here? I don't really understand my emotional reaction to this. I can see why he would be upset at my behavior, but at the same time I never asked for this and he cajoled me into it.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aj5hpQgcJF6bFKeiCMvE4mU7p3VXMTZD
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apca1h
|
{
"description": "kicking out my groupmate",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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}
|
AITA for kicking out my groupmate?
|
I had a groupmate who does his work but only at the last second, so it ends up being mediocre. He claims that relaxing is important to manage stress. When I tell him to do his work, he says there's still time, and when I threaten to kick him out, he doesn't buy it. We're on our last year of highschool and about to enter college, so I want to teach him to at least be responsible. I decided to kick him out, and he's blaming me for having a bad mark when we're about to graduate. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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2ZUdGH16f7zt39vuGINvqAKBBWh1of0k
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aw03et
|
{
"description": "being angry about the way my father has divided his will",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being angry about the way my father has divided his will?
|
I (37F) am a woman who lives with her partner (37M). Recently my father passed away, and me and my sister (32F) have been organising his affairs only to find out that he has split his things roughly 75% to her and 25% to me. In a letter that was left for us (he was terminally ill) he has explained this as being because my sister has two children and I have none (had a hysterectomy). So in his eyes this was 25% to me, 25% to her and 25% to each of her sons.
I am very hurt and angry. I think I would feel different if the way my dad had divided up his assets was different. What he did prior to death was sell off the vast majority of what he owned to make it easier for us (his house was almost empty when we visited it), so there are essentially two things left for us which are a cash sum he had collected and the house. He worked out the value of the house which is about £400k, which he has given to my sister alongside additional cash funds of £200k, and then I am getting about £200k myself (not exact figures but rough enough).
My sister, however, already has a mortgage on her own house, which my father paid a 20k deposit on a few years back when she got pregnant with her first child. Her plan is to sell her old house and move into my father's, which is a lot bigger and in a nicer area, so she is really getting the extra money from selling her property too. The way my father saw it, the house is 'for the kids' and the money is 'for her'. I have not discussed it with my sister at all because she is very excited to be able to take her family there and have a better life. She has all sorts of plans. The house has a garden, she can spend more time with her sons, they'll be able to attend better schools, etc. etc. It doesn't seem fair to rain on her parade.
I discussed it with my partner who is sympathetic, but pointed out that this is not the first time my father gave greater benefits to my sister and prioritised her over me even before she had babies and I did not. I mentioned that he essentially bought her a house. Well I was living in a dingy one bed flat at the time, privately renting with almost no spare income. The option of buying me property never surfaced. I moved out relatively young. My mother once commented that the reason she felt my father often 'forgot' about me was because I do so well on my own that 'he's never worried about you'. So my partner has told me that this is just the last incident in a long line of incidents where I have been practically non visible. He agrees that it sucks, but has assured me that it's no reflection on me and that does make me feel a little better, but I am still very, very angry.
I don't know Reddit, am I being an asshole for feeling this way? There is nothing I can do about this I think but I feel bitter and resentful. Am I justified and do you think these feelings will go away after time?
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anat2x
| null |
AITA long-distance friend is cutting our trip short to go to a concert and I'm annoyed
|
Hey there, this is my first time posting in this subreddit but I feel like it's kind of a good place for me to ask the question of am I the asshole.
So I'm going up to see my friend who lives across the country for a week in the spring. I have it set up to where departing I'm on an early morning flight and leaving in a late night flight. On the last day we are hanging out, he decided that he wanted to go to a concert that was a few hours away. I'm unable to attend this concert because I have a flight to catch. He insisted that I get dropped off at the airport almost six hours before my flight departs, and my reaction to that was filled with annoyance
I feel kind of guilty because it's not like I don't want him to see the concert, but at the same time I picked those flight times to essentially maximize the amount of time we can do stuff together. The tour with actually announced a few days ago, where this trip has been planned since November.
One of the extra things so that's causing me to feel annoyed is that he blames this on me because I apparently planned the trip way too early. I started saving up for the plane tickets and November and bought them on Christmas. The plane tickets are already doubled their price so I feel like I made a decent move buying them when I did.
This isn't something that's going to ruin our friendship or anyting, but am I an asshole for feeling annoyed about him doing this? Thank you
|
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RIGHT
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axifhn
|
{
"description": "not wanting to finally see my best friend of 13 years in person after 11 years",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to finally see my best friend of 13 years in person after 11 years?
|
TLDR; I’m going on a spring break trip with my friends and bf which is where my best friend I’ve kept in touch with over 11 years after she moved away lives currently and she really wants to hangout everyday I’m there but I don’t want to on my trip.
My best friend (22F) and I (20F) befriended each other 13 years ago and have kept in touch since she moved away 11 years ago. We have always been in correspondence, not every single day but really just over the years.
I am going on a four-day spring break trip with a large group of friends to San Diego, where she goes to school. I mentioned this to her and she’s absolutely ecstatic, saying she wants to hangout everyday I’m there etc.
I really didn’t know what to say because it was supposed to be a trip with my friends who are graduating this semester and my boyfriend. I get pretty bad social anxiety about certain things and I just felt anxious about her and my other friends meeting. And I don’t want to sacrifice my entire trip to getting reacquainted with her because it’d be pretty overwhelming and I’d rather it be kind of more personable between just her and I as opposed to me just being there with other friends and having to divide my attention.
I told her we could hangout on Friday after she gets off work in the afternoon and she agreed but I feel like she’ll be really wanting to hangout out more and I just don’t want to.
Please help, am I the asshole for not wanting my time there over spring break to be about reuniting with her? I feel like a terrible friend.
|
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|
ad1awg
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang out/go out with friends every weekend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang out/go out with friends every weekend?
|
Two close friends of mine want to hang out every weekend and some weekdays. And nine times out of ten it's never a quiet evening; it always turns into a long night (2am or later). We have an ongoing FB group chat. Like clockwork, they're messaging every weekend or every day I have off about "so here's the plan tonight." I work for one of their family members and so they know my days off before I even tell them. But it's not about that. I feel fine usually. Maybe very tired because I work full-time... but mostly I'm just... I'm in my late 20s. I think it's time to SLOW DOWN. Am I weird for not wanting to hang out every weekend? I don't like it being always *expected*... and I value my alone/down time. I know they are getting fed up with me and maybe even think I'm purposely trying to lose touch with them. Sometimes they really put on the pressure/guilt ("why are you being that way", "you're always tired", "whatever... you have three days off" etc.) I'm honestly fed up with it. I have a bad habit of pushing people away, being distant, not answering texts promptly, etc... but I don't think this is an example of that. I think they are taking things too far, and should respect my boundaries without taking offense to it. Maybe I'm weird, because other people recharge with companionship, and I recharge with being alone... but I'm not an asshole. Right?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "not taking the girl I'm dating out for Valentines day",
"pronormative_score": 12,
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|
AITA for not taking the girl I'm dating out for Valentines day?
|
So we've been dating for just over a month and we're almost official, if that's even a thing. About 2 1/2 weeks earlier I'd asked her a few times if she would be working Valentines day so I could book the day off work to take her out and she said "I'll probably be working" so I didn't bother.
Fast forward to the week of and she has the day off, I do not. I'm working late in fact. On 13th Feb I've bought her a present and ask if I can see her in the morning before I start work the following day. I text her asking if she has any favourite chocolates or treats and she replies with "I don't want you to get me anything, I haven't got you anything" so I was nervous about it too begin with but now I'm thinking she really doesn't want to do anything big for Valentines day, which is fine with me because it's much less pressure.
The morning of I find out she thinks we're only seeing each other for about 45 minutes even though I specifically say I'm free until 12. So we go for a McDonald's and she is clearly in a bad mood, I ask if it's me and she replies "Why would I be mad at you?" so we go back to finishing our breakfast in near silence,after which I take her home then take myself to work.
Once I've finished my shift I text her asking how her day had been which she ignores while posting Anti-Valentines day posts to various social medias and this morning (15th) I say good morning which she ignores too but again is active on various social medias.
So now I'm just struggling to understand the situation.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "disagreeing with my friend about his job title",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 7
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|
AITA for disagreeing with my friend about his job title?
|
The other day I ran into a friend I hadn't seen since high school graduation. We went to different colleges. He graduated last year, but I haven't yet because I switched majors.
We had the usual conversation in such circumstances, where we asked one another what we'd been up to. He graduated with a degree in English. Whem I asked what he does, he said he's an engineer. It went a little something like this:
"What do you do?"
"I work at an engineering lab by the airport."
"So...what's your job title?"
"I'm and engineer."
"You're and engineer? But you got a degree in English. So how is your title 'Engineer'?"
"Yeah, I do engineering work. Technically you'd call me a technician. I didn't take the test or get the degree, but the only thing is that I just can't sign off on anything. I still do the same work, so I just say I'm an engineer."
He's a very carefree individual and he seemed to take my question in stride. But later, when we were hanging out, he seemed a little upset. Nothing else happened to bother him, and the more I thought about it, I started to feel bad.
I can see it from his POV. He works hard and calls himself based on what he does. He doesn't pidgeonhole people based on qualifications or titles.
It's not my place to knock people down a notch, but I didn't want my friend to mislabel himself. What if he went to a job interview and the interviewer called him out like did? At the same time, if he does the work, does the title matter? Not sure if I was an asshole here or not.
Thanks.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "telling my husbands brothers GF to stop messaging him",
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|
AITA for telling my husbands brothers GF to stop messaging him?
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I had a falling out with my husbands brother who had said some nasty things about me behind my back to his dad (my father-in-law) I found out and confronted him and he played it off as a joke and never apologized. After i learned that him and his GF had not liked me for quite awhile and had pretty much been acting fake towards me for years i decided they were no longer in my life and told them both any chance of a friendship was ruined for now. The GF and my husband never became close or developed a friendship (if they had i wouldn't of asked her of this!), but she had this habit of speaking for the brother and asking my husband random things out of no where inviting him when the brother should be, I became uncomfortable with this because I knew she did not like me but for some reason was trying to get to my husband and alway acting as the brothers spokeperson. I told her I did not trust her BF (the brother) so in turn did not trust her (birds of a feather right?). She continued messaging and even inviting my husband to go tank floating with her, I told my husband she was over stepping boundaries and not respecting my wish. He stopped responding to her. after about 2 weeks she asked him why he stopped responding and if it was something she had done? I called her and reminded her that I had asked her stop messaging him unless it was an emergency, and that husband was just respecting me and our marriage. She called me controlling and that she was only trying to build a relationship with her BIL. I don't believe it and It was making me uncomfortable. AITA?????
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "fighting with my mom because of my little sister",
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"contranormative_score": 4
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|
AITA for fighting with my mom because of my little sister?
|
Before anyone calls this bullshit, I wanna say that I am actually confused about this whole situation and I really need an opinion from outside of the story. Emotions are still flowing, so if I let anything out I'll edit the post.
So, for context, I used to have my own PC, but it stopped working recently, and it's on repair. So I either don't use a PC at all or use my dad's notebook, which usually is not an option because my 5yo sister (I'll call her "Sam") is using it ALL THE TIME. Whenever I ask it from her to use for a while she either yells "NO" or cries for my parents' attention, and they never did anything about it. Eventually I gave up and stopped asking.
Ok, so today my mom went out with her, and I had the notebook for myself the whole afternoon. My mom gets back, we talk about college for a while, and then I let Sam use the notebook for a few hours.
When Sam went to her bed, I was about to get back to the notebook again when my mom asks for it so my sister could use, cause she didn't want to sleep. I got mad and asked my mom why, cause they always let her use it and I never get the chance to do anything. She basically got mad too and started calling me names and answered my question by saying "because I want to".
Things escalated quickly and she started pushing me against the wall while still calling me names (I can't say I stayed calm either, I was trying to defend myself/minimize the pain by pushing back a little bit, I had no intentions in hurting her and I'm pretty sure I didn't).
When she released me I kinda felt bad and decided to give her the notebook and guess what? My mom didn't accept it anymore, got really pissed and tried to tell my father what happened. She said that "I no longer existed to her", and tried to justify that with her version of the truth (that I was the one trying to hurt her, that I "grabbed her arm", while completely ignoring what she did to me.) I called her out and added the details she "forgot" and my dad actually stayed on my side for once and said we would talk about that tomorrow.
So, basically, AITA for not wanting to give Sam the computer or should I give it to her even though she already uses it all the time? Honestly I think my parents are going too soft on Sam and have been going for a while (this time just my mom, dad actually stayed on my side for once), but whenever I say something they ignore me, since "they are the parents, they decide what's best for their children".
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HISTORICAL
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aeh2ub
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{
"description": "telling my female friend that her boyfriend probably has a gambling problem",
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|
WIBTA if I tell my female friend that her boyfriend probably has a gambling problem?
|
I will call my female friend Jenny and her boyfriend Frank (all early 20's). I've been close with Jenny for 2 or 3 years, but met Frank only once. I unfortunately don't know that much about him, because he was extremely quiet and we did not have a deep conversation.
So, here is the problem. I went to a casino with my dad and uncle to have some fun night this weekend. I was playing blackjack by myself then a dude who looks awfully familiar sat on the same table. After glancing at him for 5 seconds, I had a good feeling that it is probably Frank. I am still pretty confident that he was Frank because I saw Frank's face several times via Jenny's social media and his voice and height were almost identical to Frank's.
He had like 3000-4000 dollar worth of chips on his table, which is a little bit odd considering his age. He was constantly betting 100-300 dollars and was keep shouting "m\*\*\*\*\*f\*\*\*ers" or "a\*\*\*oles" whenever he lost his money. Most people do yell when they lose money at a casino, but this dude was very loud and obnoxious. In addition, he was chain smoking 4 or 5 cigarettes until the lady jokingly asked him to smoke less.
It took like 30 minutes for Frank to leave. He lost 50-70% of his chips and I never saw him again.
I was pretty surprised because the reason why Jenny dates Frank is because he is a nice, intellectual dude who spends his time and money wisely. But the "Frank" who sat next to me was very far from the explanations that Jenny gave me.
So WIBTA if I tell Jenny that I saw Frank at a casino and explain what I saw?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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| null |
AITA for unintentionally (?) catnapping my sister's cat?
|
A few years ago my sister asked me to cat-sit as she was in an unstable living arrangement. My sister and I have grown apart as adults as she has issues with addiction and mental illness and, previously, only contacted me to use for me something.
I agreed to take the cat who I was told was kind of sickly (she was thin and couldn't seem to gain weight) until my sister could find a different place, even though I wasn't allowed cats in my college apartment either.
Well, I picked up the cat and drove her home and she hasn't left since. When I first got her I noticed she was wobbly and kept scratching her ears so I took her to the vet where it was discovered she had a serious ear infection/ear mites and was at risk of losing her hearing. I treated this and informed my sister. She was surprised but happy the cat had been treated.
Somehow over the following weeks my sister stopped communicating with me about the cat. She would say she missed her but when I asked when she could get her back she would avoid the question. I never strongly pushed because I felt the cat was doing better with me (honestly I am a prideful person but I do think my situation was better than hers). After many months of the cat staying with me she mentioned she may want the cat back but also conceded that the cat may be better with me. I replied that the cat was happy and I didn't know how I felt about returning her.
Well, now the cat's officially mine. In the years following my taking of the cat my sister went to jail a few times and continued to have an unstable life. She is now more stable than before (she's still early in this recovery attempt) but has gotten another cat and seems to be doing well by this cat (ie: she's only staying in places where pets are allowed, she has taken him to the vet) and the cat seems happy and healthy when I met him.
I've always felt a little guilty about 'taking' her cat as my sister has intermittently stated directly that she wants the cat back but has also been quick to change her mind...
Some side notes:
The cat was so thin because she only eats when people are around her
She has no lasting hearing damage
The cat had previously been bounced around so I feel some sense of obligation to keep her (and I do love her!) rather than bounce her around more, she was fearful when I first got her but is now well-adjusted.
My sister had previously had a kitten that had been gotten rid of within 6-8months
My sister had admitted to letting the cat out and forgetting her...even though she is 4 paw declawed.
My sister is doing very well now, which increases my guilt.
The cat is doing amazing now, she's very happy and spoiled.
So, Reddit, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being frustrated with my parents because they are against me getting piercings/tattoos",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being frustrated with my parents because they are against me getting piercings/tattoos?
|
I’m 17 and will be 18 in 6 months. I live with my parents and I understand that it’s their house and their rules BUT I don’t understand how me getting tattoos or piercings is so bad!
They’re not just angry, they said if I get a tattoo they’re kicking me out and I think that just ridiculous. I try to be respectful with them otherwise, but I just get to frustrated that they’re so serious about something that, in the grand scheme of things, isn’t all that bad.
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HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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a8s5b0
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{
"description": "not going to son's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
WIBTA for not going to son's wedding??
|
Here's a little backstory. My 29 y/o stepson (SS) was released from prison this fall after serving 12 years. His mom left him and DH when he was a baby and DH raised him. When SS was 14, he decided he wanted to be with his mom and took off for the East coast. Mom was a dopehead, which DH or SS didn't know, and she had SS commit a robbery to feed her dope habit. SS was caught and given adult straight time. Mom walked and basically ignored SS after that. We live in the Midwest backwoods and SS was raised here. SS is and was a good kid. His mother's manipulation landed him where he was. This is important.
A few months before SS was released he met a gal (B) who worked at the facility and they became "friendly". As a result, she was fired and he got transferred. All of this happened about 6 weeks before SS's release date. He was supposed to come home, here, until he met B. When SS was released, he moved in with B and now they're engaged to be matried in June 2019.
B comes from money, definitely upper upper middle class at least. SS is was raised in the backwoods until age 14 and spent the next 12 years in prison. Polar opposites but they make it work. I'm happy for him, really, but neither DH or I care much for B. She's too uppity.
SS has put me in the position of getting to DH to their wedding. DH is really butt hurt over SS's decision to stay with B and wants nothing to do with her. I've told DH he needs to suck it up and be there for his son. I can convince DH to go but I'm having second thoughts now.
B and her people are way out of our league. We would stand out like a shit stain on a white sheet and from what we've seen from B so far, it would be pointed out to us. DH is a complete backwoods redneck with no filter. I just don't see this turning out good so WIBTA for not going to the wedding?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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|
a0edb1
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{
"description": "distancing myself from a male friend who won't take 'no' for an answer",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for distancing myself from a male friend who won't take 'No' for an answer?
|
Hello, first time poster here.
Some context: I \[21F\] made a friend \[23M\] via Tinder during my travels, never met up; however, because of the distance we never really started anything or move beyond flirting and sexual talking in the beginning. He used to tell me all of the time how in love with one of his close friends he was and we have since remained very good friends who are into separate people.
Recently, said friend has gone back to being very flirtatious and sexual with me (approx. a year later). For example, he likes to ask me for photos and/or ask if I want him to send me any photos. He also makes frequent allusions to our old sexual conversations and expands on them. After telling him that I would prefer it if the sexual conversation stopped and that it's not something I wish to engage with with him any longer, he acknowledged it and apologized soon after so I thought it was sufficiently over. Cue him once again making sexual comments and sending photos that are less-than-ideal. I got a little bit more aggressive with him by this point, telling him very explicitly how uncomfortable his advancements were making me and that I wanted them to stop. Again, he got very sad about upsetting me and promised it would stop.
Cue today. He decides to take it upon himself to tell me all of the details about a sex dream he had about the two of us, framing it as something silly and weird that I would like to be told. To which I responded very minutely and have been distancing myself since.
I understand that because we used to talk in a particular way, he might think it is still okay all this time later. However, after expressing how uncomfortable it makes me, I would like to be able to expect a little bit of respect towards my feelings from someone I consider a great friend. I honestly don't think he is malicious at the end of the day, but he really isn't making any honest attempts to stop this behaviour. So, AITA for wanting to keep my distance and maybe not have this friendship continue?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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az5kwl
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{
"description": "thinking my co-worker \"cried wolf\"",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking my co-worker "cried wolf"?
|
Am I the asshole for not having sympathy for a co-worker that seems to have a pretty turbulent lifestyle. This lifestyle seems to causes them a lot of stress and anxiety which they then bring to work and end up leaving early multiple times a week or camping out in the bathroom for half the day.
Am I the asshole for thinking they "cry wolf" a lot of the times when they say they need to leave early?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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adz507
|
{
"description": "not wanting my father to text me every single day",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for not wanting my father to text me every single day?
|
I am 27, and for the past two or three years my dad has text me the same thing every morning “love you honey” and it honestly drives me crazy. My father and I don’t live in the same state, so I don’t get to see him a lot, but I’m almost 30. I don’t know many people my age who have parents that text them every single day. I know he loves me, he’s my dad, I don’t need confirmation every single day.
Am I the asshole for being bothered by this? (I haven’t told him it bothers me, as I don’t want to hurt his feelings)
I know some people’s parents aren’t around anymore, and I get that, but my dad should know I love him without us having to text each other every single day.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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|
atbj1r
|
{
"description": "telling someone I'd watch their luggage and then abandoning it",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for telling someone I'd watch their luggage and then abandoning it?
|
I was at the airport today. Got here nice and early like always. My flight boards at 10:05 and I got to my gate at 09:00. Sweet, perfect. Now I can relax and not worry.
Two girls come up and sit next to me. They put their bags down and ask if I'm going anywhere. I say no, so they ask if I can watch their bags. Sure, no problem! Happy to help.
Five minutes pass, then ten, then 20, then 40. No sign of them anywhere.
Finally, after an hour, they come back as I'm about to start boarding (the same flight they are on).
Luckily, this worked out. My gate didn't change last minute and I didn't need to use the toilet. I was annoyed, but ultimately it didn't affect my life.
However, IF something had come up (I had gotten hungry, had to use the toilet, gate change, etc.) WIBTA for leaving their shit behind? They were no where in sight and gave me no indication they'd be gone so long.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
aydkyy
|
{
"description": "declining a date when she says she's very sick",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for declining a date when she says she's very sick?
|
I've been chatting with someone recently and got a text saying she has a nasty cold this morning. We never got to the plan-making phase but I said that I'm sorry to hear and that we can hold off on seeing each other until she's better but she's insisting that we meet. I can't afford to get sick nor do I want to be.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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PGKP0LjKYtmuJs4boY0cBXU6yD7Aoo3U
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a5vbkg
|
{
"description": "taking my stuff (moving) that I paid for",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I take my stuff (moving) that I paid for?
|
So currently I live with my ex best friends and we said we could be civil but then they started being petty and inconsiderate. Such as they keep fighting with me over the heat- I want it on cause it's cold and you're supposed to have it on so that way the pipes don't freeze and the landlord said they would fine us if they found out that we didn't through a surprise inspection, being obnoxiously loud after I go to bed- slamming doors, cupboards, cooking food at 2 am, playing videos/ TV, etc. They've also decided to take the Chromecast from the living room TV so I can't use since I like to use it inbetween two of classes when I come home to eat lunch and chill. They don't need it for their room cause they have an Xbox that they use and are constantly using the Ethernet cord to make it run better. On the other hand, I haven't joined in their pettiness because there's no point but I'm not gonna wait for them to keep it up and even maybe ramp it up as they have damaged personal property.
Anyway, because of their pettiness and the fact that one has damaged personal property when upset ( keyed the car of the other roomie and his gf because of a fight, broke the door of their last apartment because of another fight) I have decided I can no longer live here for another semester because I have school to focus on, their petty games and I do not want them to ramp it up.
So I found a subleaser pretty quickly, and am in the process of getting her approved but will most likely move out this weekend or beginning of next weekend. However, I am obviously going to take myself stuff such as the plate/ dinner sets which will leave them without one for about two weeks. Also, I have bought stuff, like the shower liner, the tissues that have not been used/ opened, soap dispenser and refill soap, body wash that also has not been opened/ is sitting in the closet, toothbrush holder and so on. I have paid for this stuff mostly with my parents credit card as they buy my necesities
so I see it as mine and will need it for my next place so I don't want to leave it and have to make my parents spend more on buying the stuff again. Which some stuff is small but it all adds up and I don't like to take advantage of my parents money as I realize that they don't have to be so generous with it and help me out now as I am in college and don't have a good paying job and they see college as my job. However, I also don't want to be seen as petty, and don't want them to throw a fit and have them be argue with me that it's all of ours and my parents can buy me more stuff as I am the "rich" one in the group. Plus this kinda forces them to run out and buy the stuff I take as they will need it right away.
Furthermore, when my sister left the year befoe they moved in, she left stuff such as a shoe holder, rugs, garbage cans, desk and other stuff that she said we could find a use for or throw out, we ended up using some of the stuff and I want to take it with me (excluding the desk cause I have my own and have no need for 2) but would I be able to claim those as mine too and take them?
So WIBTA for taking the stuff that my parents bought me, even the cheaper little things, or the stuff my sister left behind for us to use?
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HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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avbskw
|
{
"description": "not wanting to clean up another art teacher's mess",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to clean up another art teacher’s mess!?
|
I work with a national gig economy type place teaching art to people in local restaurants and bars. I moved from to another state where it was run like a well oiled machine to a state where it’s a slop shop.
When I moved, I started teaching at a restaurant that’s a god awful mess due to previous classes. I was originally trained to clean up after each class, so this took me by surprise. Everyone who teaches these classes has a kinda “home” restaurant they teach at.
The restaurant manager was pretty pissed even though I didn’t make the mess, so I let them know that I could slowly clean up the old mess, while I clean up anything new after each class and over the course of a year it would slowly get cleaned up. It looks a lot better but it’s a long slow process.
No one has helped me and the original mess was not mine. I buy and pay for all the cleaning supplies. I am not paid for extra time cleaning. I get paid per class. There is another person, for the same company who teaches at this same restaurant who has never once helped me. I know for a fact, doesn’t clean after events.
Another restaurant that’s not my “home” spot has recently complained about the mess in their restaurant. I’ve been there and have seen it, and it’s bad.
My boss wants me to go and help the two people who teach at this place clean it up. They want me to buy supplies (says they will reimburse me, but never has for anything else), teach them how to clean up and spend my time and energy cleaning up a mess that is not mine, nor my responsibility as it’s not my home restaurant.
Am I the asshole here for not wanting to do this? I feel like I’m getting taken advantage of.
Also.. they didn’t ask!! Everyone just assumed I’d do this.. plus.. there are like six other artists who teach in the area, yet I’m the only one who’s expected to go “help”.
I already told them what supplies to use and how to go about it. I feel like they are just being lazy and want to put their work on me.. and that irks me pretty badly and makes me want to refuse out of principal.
I have already said I was “to busy” to take this on, but it seems like that’s not a good enough excuse as I was asked again when I could do this and that it was urgent.
I hate being forced to tell someone that I’m pissed at their actions particularly when I feel like they should know better.
I obvsly need some clarity.. anyone want to weigh in? I’d appreciate it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
a3ryq8
|
{
"description": "refusing to play on a piano other than the one I practiced on",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to play on a piano other than the one I practiced on?
|
I am a senior at a rural Kentucky high school, and one of my classes is beginning piano. Before the school year started, I decided I would try my best to learn an instrument. This class has been great so far, but today was a real struggle for me. We are getting into more complex music, complex for me anyway, and the deadline for playing is looming. I decided I would play today, but I stopped after I realized that my piano teacher wanted me to play on a piano that I had never used before. Even worse, the piano did not make sounds on certain keys. I said, "I am sorry for being so, you know." My teacher said, "Picky?”
I felt awful, but I really did not want to play on a piano that was subpar and that made me more anxious than I was already. My grade depended on that performance, and I did not want to ruin it. I love learning, but the reality is that a love for learning does not always correlate with getting a good grade. Sad, but true.
So, AITA, or do you guys/gals think I had a right to be anxious and say no?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b4rgvp
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{
"description": "telling a customer to clean up after her kids",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For telling a customer to clean up after her kids?
|
So I’ll start by saying at no point was I hostile. I work in an automotive repair shop and had a mother come in for just a regular oil change, I had no problem with that. She didn’t have an appointment so I couldn’t get her in immediately but she was okay with about an hour wait. The entire time she waited she had her 6 kids (5 of which were between what seemed to be 3 and 7) running around and screaming. I didn’t mention anything because it was the least of my worries but after having come in and out of the waiting room for other customers I noticed there was more and more trash, more than I knew the others had made. I noted how many times she got up to buy more snacks and how the same wrappers were sitting on random chairs. By the time I knew her car would almost be done I let her know and give her the benefit of the doubt just to see if she’d clean up, which she didn’t. She got up, packed up her backpack, got her stroller ready and told all her kids they were leaving. When she was up to pay I took care of her and at the end of the transaction I asked her if she could please clean up what trash she had since we do our best to take care of her. My exact wording was “ma’am I’m sorry but if it isn’t too much trouble could you please make sure your food trash makes it’s way into the trash been before you head out?”. After I said that she gave me a face of disgust and said “sure, I guess we can clean up the cups the other people left and put it in your full trash can” . The trash can wasn’t full at all either. I was actually pretty take back by the response but I guess I’d be defensive give the context. What surprises me is that my mechanics and co workers said I was an asshole for telling her that. They said the was rude on my part and that the hope she doesn’t come in tomorrow to complain. Am I really the asshole? I felt like I went about it pretty tame and respectfully. I can see that she’s a full time mother with her arms full but I don’t think that makes my request insane.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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aj2l37
|
{
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to go out to dinner with a male friend from college",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to go out to dinner with a male friend from college?
|
First post, sorry for any formatting errors.
Some context: we've been dating for two years, I trust her completely and love her to death. I knew nothing sketchy would happen if she went, at least from her. However, it's a different story with the guy. He's a daily visitor in her suite in college and he spent the majority of a semester trying to sleep with another girl in the suite who is also in a committed relationship. From the couple times I've seen him he just seems like a douche only interested in sex. Granted, I hardly know him and I could be wrong, but the first words I heard out of his mouth were about the other girl's p\*\*\*y, to her face, loud enough for the whole room to hear, so I don't think my judgement is unwarranted.
He lives somewhat close to my girlfriend so over break he asked her if she wanted to go get dinner with him. She asked me if I could go, and not wanting to be controlling, I said yes. But I didn't understand why she'd want to get dinner with a guy like that (who she's repeatedly told me she doesn't like). When I asked her, she just told me she wanted to get to know him better and get some food out of it.
They went, she had a good time, that was that. I just found it weird, and I'm still kind of surprised we went. I asked a few family members if they found it weird as well, which they did. When she brought it up after, I was found myself surprised to realize that I didn't like that she went, even though I told her she could go. Apparently she talked to her friends as well and none of them found it weird. Is it weird? I know it was the right thing to say yes to her going but AITA for wanting to say no?
TLDR; Girlfriend got dinner with guy from college, kinda wish she hadn't
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
ayumf0
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{
"description": "parking on my neighbors side of the street",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for parking on my neighbors side of the street?
|
In our neighborhood the homes that do have driveways are single car driveways and garages for the most part. My next door neighbors on either side have drive ways. The neighbor directly across the street from me is on a corner lot, so her property essentially runs along 60 feet on her side of the street. She also has one of the few houses with a two car garage. This is all directly across from my house. (One of the biggest lots in this part of the neighborhood). Her front door is not visible to me as it’s on the other side of the street. Her driveway and side of the house face me.
My boyfriend and I almost always park in the driveway, but since he leaves before me and gets home before me on during the week, we often play musical cars. What happens most often is my Bf parks across the street (on the right side) about 10 feet back from her driveway. For an hour or 2 until I get home and then he moves it behind my car in the drive.
He drives a pick up that has a long bed. The space between our driveway and our next door neighbors is very tight to park that in and technically illegal because the law is you cannot park within 5 feet of someone’s driveway. (It’s obviously not enforced unless your neighbor cares). I felt it was more courteous to park on the other side of the street where we wouldn’t risk someone having a hard time backing out/being fined if someone didn’t like it.
Today before I got home she came over and asked my boyfriend not to park on her side of the street. BF said he was sorry and explained why he had been parking there and explained it would probably be only for a few hours each day if that and that he would do his best. She kinda skips around that and just asks “can you just not park there anymore?”. He felt she was being a bit pushy and rude. She then proceeds to tell him she thinks our dog looks “too skinny”. Over all he said it was a strange and awkward encounter.
I can’t lie- I’m a bit irked. I told him to just not park there anymore and he’ll just have to squeeze in the spot on our side of the street. (When one of the neighbors isn’t using it). But told him that if he has to park there, well that’s just the way it is.
Am I the asshole for thinking SHES being the asshole? I thought it was quite ballsy of her to come over here. Believe me, I know I would be annoyed if someone parked in front of my house everyday and night. But this has maybe happened a few times a week for a few hours and has maybe stayed there over night 5 times.
TL;DR My neighbor basically demanded we not park on her side of the street for a few hours every week with no real explanation as to why. AITA for thinking she’s just being a bitchy neighbor?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
InCx2Nmwmcy6zXzGnWCDKnhh6YQRQfG9
|
9tog9m
|
{
"description": "not hiring my colleague's referral",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not hiring my colleague's referral?
|
My colleague and I are both managers at a financial services firm. I had an opening in my department and my colleague (who's a manager of a different department) recommended her best friend's son for the position. I interviewed the friend 's son for the entry-level position but he didn't perform well during the interview. I decided to go for another candidate who had more experience and demonstrated confidence and a good skill set.
​
I told my manager friend and she told me that she was disappointed that I would hire someone else, and that she would never refer anyone else to me. She questioned why the other candidate was a better choice. She also said that she took it as a personal insult because it meant she doesn't have the clout that she deserves.
​
Am I the asshole for trying to be impartial in the hiring process?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
lOhZ6ldeNlwkxiFuSVNYputaUeco7d1d
|
atsoxb
|
{
"description": "feeling like my friends took teasing too far",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling like my friends took teasing too far?
|
I was attending an event this evening with a group of friends and my girlfriend. We’ve all been friends for a while and I am teased quite a bit by two people in the group I’ll call R and W. It’s mostly in good fun, but the constant ribbing has really been wearing on me. Due to buying our tickets in advance, my girlfriend and I were seated in a different section from the rest of the group. Before the event, I decided to take a nap and set my alarm to go off an hour before the event was supposed to start. I’m not sure what went wrong, but I found myself waking up to a call from my brother telling me to hurry over because the event was about to start. To my horror, my alarm hadn’t gone off, the event was supposed to be starting just then, and I was going to be late for my date. I only arrived a few minutes late and apologized to my girlfriend, who was understanding about the whole fiasco, but my friends were pretty merciless. They sent this in the group chat:
Brother: Enigma_Protocol you’re a buffoon.
W: Absolute mad lad. Not the good kind of mad.
R: And you wonder why you’re bullied.
I decided to be the bigger man and say that I had screwed up. However, I feel really angry at them for their comments.
Am I the asshole for feeling like they took it too far?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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a6bv36
|
{
"description": "being kicked out of my seat by another concert-goer during a concert",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being kicked out of my seat by another concert-goer during a concert?
|
Bear with me here, I know the title already makes me sound bad.
​
Just some backstory: I recently attended a sold-out performance at my school and I got my tickets really late. This is a musical and in a school so it is NOT a formal performance. I wanted to sit with my friends but all the seats were taken. Fast forward to the day of the performance, I stand nearby waiting to see if the seats will be taken. I did not sit in the seat and just waiting for the performance to start with my friends. Eventually, I realized a lot of seats were empty so I sat down and took my seat. (for the record, no one ever came to claim the seat; I kept checking around me to see if anyone needed it)
Now, this is the part that makes me feel like an asshole. I'm just a rowdy kid in school and I admit I was not the most quiet person while we waiting for the concert to start, but I was dead silent during the concert - I never pulled out my phone or made noise. I leaned forward to tap my friend on the shoulder (we both knew the parts that were being sung and were super excited but we just smiled and continued watching) around twice during the first half of the concert. I never made any noise during the concert or pulled out my phone. Please keep in mind again, that I am not in my normal seat. It's an important detail.
​
During the entire first half of the concert, I was not informed by anybody around me to stop moving forward. There were other adults around me and I was not told to stop talking during intermission. Again (sorry if I'm being repetitive, I want to make sure I can give the best recreation of what happens), I was quiet during the whole concert and did not say anything. Intermission comes around and I'm simply hugging my friends. I admit some of my limbs may have went into the "airspace" of the person beside me but I never touched him. It was a short hug that lasted a few seconds. I moved back into my seat immediately afterwards. As the second half was about to start, he tells me to go back to my original seat (no one has come to claim it - it was empty from start to finish) because I'm being to distracting. I asked if I was being distracting and he told me to return to my exact seat number (I guess he was listening?) to which I then quickly left to just stand in the back aisle (I didn't feel like sitting). I'm not here to talk about myself but I'm not the most secure person so I wasn't sure if what I did was being rude? I didn't even lean towards him during the concert. I had an aisle-side seat so I leaned my body towards the aisle.
​
I wanted to talk to my friends about this but it made me really uncomfortable for some reason, so I played it off. I didn't really know who to ask so here I am.
​
**If you think I missed some important details, please tell me I'll be sure to add it ASAP.** It's my first post on this subreddit so if I also broke any rules, please tell me. Thanks!
​
tldr; I was distracting during intermission and I got told to go to my original seat.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
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|
a0aj34
|
{
"description": "asking my niece to delete a video",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my niece to delete a video
|
TL;DR, my 11 year old niece posted a video of my 3 year old son on Tik Tok, I made her delete it.
Long version: at Thanksgiving this year, my niece took my son into his room and was playing with him. My husband overheard her say, “K, say hi to the camera!”
My husband asked her if she was posting videos of our son on Tik Tok. She said no. My husband pulled me aside, explained the situation and I asked her. She said, “Yes, but I’ll delete it.” I told her she needed to be sure to delete it.
We don’t like posting stuff about our son online. Mostly because he can’t really consent, we feel like children are exploited online, and not everyone needs to know every detail about your kid’s life. I will, occasionally post pictures of him to my private Facebook account. We have aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins that live across the country. Sometimes a picture on Facebook is easier than a group message with 20+ people.
Anyway, my niece’s dad sent me an incredibly long message saying we hurt my niece’s feelings and we are being a bit anal and overreacting.
But am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
av0ujx
|
{
"description": "not helping a woman stuck in the snow",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping a woman stuck in the snow?
|
so a while back a big storm hit my city and within a few days we had maybe 2-3 foot snow drifts of thick, dense snow, all the side roads were swamped with snow and the roads were either slush or ice.
I used to leave for work around 6:15am to catch a bus, and it was winter and obviously completely dark outside. I lived on the top of a hill which merged into another road and as i left my house a woman on the adjacent road, at the top of the hill called me over and said she had woken up early to put the heating on in her car, then went back to sleep and when she woke up her battery had died and if i knew how to help her jump the car. I told her i didn't have a car to jump it for her, but i could help her bump start her car - bump starting for anybody who doesn't know is to get the car moving in 1st gear, with the clutch down, then as the car is rolling you pull your foot off the clutch and try igniting the engine and most times, it'll start.
I explained how to do it to her and offered to jump in and do it, she said no, she would do it if i pushed because i'm a big dude. i kept saying to her, "you have 1 shot at this, remember, put it in 1st, then slowly turn the key while you're taking your foot off the clutch when you're in motion" she said "yep! got it, let's go!" so i push her car, she rolls to the bottom of the hill and her car doesn't start.
I walk down and ask what happened, she said "i did what you said, kept it in neutral, tried to press the clutch and turn the ignition, it didn't work". at this point the car was now in a dip in the road, with about 2 feet of snow infront of her right wing and she's telling me "just push it further, i'll get it this time", i say there's no way i can push her car out of the snow, up an incline and get enough momentum to get it bumped. she starts shouting "YOU got me in this mess, you need to push me out". so i go over and start pushing as hard as i can and the car doesn't move an inch. my feet are slipping on the ice, so i stop. go over and say "it's pointless, you may as well get a bus". so she starts to scream at me saying i'm going to cost her her job and whatever else. i say sorry again, then walk off.
Later that night, i've finished work and i'm back at home, her car is still sat at the bottom of this hill now slightly more buried in the snow because it continued to snow all day. I get a knock on the door and it's her husband saying his wife had to miss work, is very upset, and that because i got her car stuck at the bottom of the road, she subsequently got a ticket for blocking a road and that i was responsible for pushing her car BACK UP THE HILL in the snow, but also responsible for paying her ticket and helping her get some juice back into her battery. I just laughed at him and shut my door. since then a lot of my neighbours are very hostile towards me.
am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
avuvn3
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go on my Family's vacation",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Not Wanting to Go on My Family's Vacation?
|
Alright, this is kind of a long story but I'll make it short as possible. So, I am (23m) about to graduate college and I will have a good accounting job that pays nice once I graduate. My parents are divorced but my mother remarried. My step father has two daughters that are quite a bit older than me (42 and 45) and they are both married and have two kids of their own. The kids ages range from 6 to 15 years old and then I have one other biological sister (32) that is married and has a new born baby. This group of my family goes on a big family vacation every 2 years and we normally rent out a nice large house to fit us all for a week. They have already started planning our next vacation which will take place the summer of 2020. Up till now, my mother and step father would pay for the cost of the house for the week and then the rest of us were responsible for food, travel, and activities. Now, that I will be graduated and have a steady paying job my parents decided that we should all split the cost of the house for the next vacation. The family all agreed, my step siblings and sister all have good jobs so the money isn't really an issue. However, this is where I start having a problem, I am single and as mentioned earlier there is a huge age difference between me and my other siblings and their kids. So, I don't really connect with them because we are in very different stages of life and I'm not great with kids, nor can I really tolerate them for a week. Also, no one in my family really likes to drink or smoke (pot), which is fine but it's something I like to do while on vacation. Additionally, the family all wants to go to Disney world but I have already been numerous times and I have no desire going back. Basically, I am always the odd man out on these trips and I am tired of it. I just can't justify spending $700 dollars for the house plus all the other expenses of a vacation for a trip that I know I will not enjoy. So am I the asshole for not wanting go on this family vacation and if not how do I tell my family that and not come off as a big F-you to the family?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
agctgz
|
{
"description": "being angry when my mom backbites my relatives",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being angry when my mom backbites my relatives?
|
Here's the thing. Back when my dad and my mom got married, mom moved into my father's house, which is usually crowded with my paternal relatives: grandpa, grandma, bunch of uncles and aunts.
My mom was seriously maltreated by those people. It's pretty complicated, but to put it simply, they didn't respect my mom at all. They would always mocked and scolded my mom for making tiny mistakes. Mom said they abandoned her, which made her mentally stressful even now. My dad was kinda naïve, so he did little to stand up for her.
Back to reality, when my family has moved to a decent house and is financially independent, mom usually bitterly talks about her past and backbite those people. Mom feigns cordiality whenever she meet those people, and comes home with tons of insults, cursing them badly. She throws tons of bad words at them. She tells it to anyone she can find, which gives her comfort. When she tells it to me, she praises her upbringing of me, our family's 'superiority' over those people, and how fine she is right now with all the stuffs she accumulated.
Now I'm a pacifist, and though I do hate those people for giving my mom hard times. I do get angry at her for telling shit to them. I feel like she is the bad one here and she isn't gonna be anywhere nicer than those people. I told her to stop cursing them at my face, and she started cursing me instead.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
pO4Rrt7JOBHHSejUwZqCsLy26Zi7jh9s
|
b1trdf
|
{
"description": "getting back at my ex, even though he deserved it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for getting back at my ex, even though he deserved it?
|
So, this happened 4 years ago. But I didn’t tell many people about this story, and looking back at it I kind wonder if I was truly an asshole, or if I was justified, since it felt like the person in question deserved what they got. So this is the story:
My first boyfriend and I were together for 4 years. Towards the end (the last year, maybe a little longer), he became *very* abusive. Not physically, but emotionally and mentally, and even academically. I became really depressed and had to go on medication for anxiety. I cried all the time. He threatened me if I didn’t have sex with him, try and “punish” me by taking things away, like planned trips, etc. His narcissism grew stronger. He didn’t care about my needs, my feelings, my opinions... However, prior to all of this, I spoiled the ever loving shit out of him. I wanted him to be happy. I got him so many concert tickets, VIP’s, merchandise... swamped him gifts for special occasions. Etc. Towards the end I feel like he was partially using me for my money.
ANYWAY. Eventually we break up for good. I felt so relieved. But 3 months later he messages me with huge apologies and how he made a mistake. Begged for another chance. I kept saying no. But this time... I kinda thought of an idea to get back at him for all the pain he caused me.
He asked to meet up for dinner just to talk. We’d pay for our own things. I agree to it. I purposely leave my wallet at home, make it sound like a mistake. I pretend to realize this after the check comes. He’s annoyed, but he pays. Then, we’re in his car. We start making out and after a while he’s all hot and bothered. After it’s obvious that he thinks he’s going to score, I pull away and tell him that I want to go home. I made it sound like I thought it was a bad idea, but I actually planned to do this. He was angry. Drove me home.
I thought this would finally make him leave me alone. But he didn’t. still got messaged two times a month. Eventually he stopped though and got the hint.
AITA for getting back at an awful person who deserved it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
EVERYBODY
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{
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}
|
WRONG
|
b5oqDZNtsBQ8hlR882B3rAvEIgli9Miy
|
b3objy
|
{
"description": "calling my crushes friend a \"gobby bitch\"",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for calling my crushes friend a "gobby bitch"
|
So, I've used this key before and I'll use it again
Me - 14(m)
X - my crush from a couple of months ago 14(f)
Y - her friend who is convinced I have a crush on her (I don't) 14(f)
Z - a mutual friend 14(m)
Basically, Y makes any sort of interaction with X downright impossible, and it's already hard because I'm an awkward fuck but if I'm trying to talk to X, Y will butt in and say something like "why don't you love X anymore?!?!??" 100% serious and make both of us feel awkward.
X knows I liked her, she was the first girl I ever asked out in fact, but we get along relatively well and I haven't liked her for several months. She is really nice though and I want to be friends with her. Y is my obstacle.
This all came to a head when one of our mutual friends made a rather sexual joke about Me and Y, it was weird, but they're friends so I don't think it's a big deal. However, she heard her name and pressured me for 25 minutes to tell her, and eventually I gave in. She knew that Z was the one that told the joke, but she called ME disgusting (specifically me btw, I asked if she meant him, and she specified that it was me) so obviously I was peeved, but didn't take it out on her, because I'm practically allergic to beef.
Well, turns out, a week later, she's claiming that she never said anything and I was lying, but she still acknowledged my reaction, so is basically stating that I got angry over quite literally NOTHING.
As soon as she was out of earshot, I said to Z that Y was a gobby bitch (that's British talk for big mouthed) and he called me out for it, saying that it was messed up I was so mean over something so small even though it was his fault, so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
0919gnXXHWPV6Lh8HEvu994grUSGjsVO
|
9wqdgn
|
{
"description": "being upset about my boyfriend's rooommate coming home with him for thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA if I am upset about my boyfriend’s rooommate coming home with him for thanksgiving?
|
Hi y’all, so my boyfriends roommate is a foreign student from Taiwan. I’ve met him multiple times and to be honest, he’s a blunt asshole. I’ve tried to talk to him but as soon as there is a normal lull in the conversation he gets up and leaves.
My birthday is Black Friday and I am usually overshadowed by the thanksgiving festivities. I wanted a chill day and a nice dinner at a restaurant with my boyfriend. And now his roommate will tag along to everything we do that week and I’m kind of pissed about it. I know my boyfriend didn’t have a say in inviting him (his mom forced him to) but I’m still upset. I talked to my mom about it and she told me I was being a bitch and needed to let it go. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
PvNyEiNRAgK5CUUDw14h8xOXnfgf2dtp
|
a6lox6
|
{
"description": "snapping at my wife over a Facebook fight",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for snapping at my wife over a Facebook fight?
|
Hi all, this has been weighing on my mind all day, so any help would be greatly appreciated. So a bit of background, for the last week or so my wife has been in an argument with another woman on Facebook over the video that has been doing the rounds of the guy gaming and hitting his girlfriend when she asks him to get off his game. Her stance is that while he shouldn't have hit her, she shouldn't have kept on antagonizing him if she knows he is abusive. The other ladies stance is that he shouldn't have hit her regardless and is completely blameless.
When the argument first started I told my wife that I agree with her view, thinking that would be the end of it. However as the week has gone by every couple of days she is on there fighting with this person and I'm constantly hearing about it. I personally don't see the point in arguing with someone over the internet for so long, opinions are never going to change and hearing the same thing over and over again is bringing me down. Last night it came to a head, we were watching a family movie with our daughters and she was on and off her phone, again arguing with this lady. After the movie finished she started going on about it again and this time it just rubbed me up the wrong way. I felt like she was constantly seeking validation for her point of view and I can't see the point of rehashing the same thing over and over, so I snapped at her.
For the record I understand I am the asshole for snapping at her, I said something along the lines of "I really don't see the point of this argument and I really couldn't care less about it" She immediately got pissed at me (fair enough) and went off about how couples are supposed to talk and i don't listen to her. She went to bed without saying goodnight and was still grumpy with me this morning. Sorry for the wall of text, what i need to know is AITA for not being more supportive ad not caring more about her argument with this lady? Any point of view will be greatly appreciated!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
jXqrQfQO00pvTF9TcRIuV3mo0Idj4O0S
|
aitp5t
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend to stop telling me when she talks to others about me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend to stop telling me when she talks to others about me
|
So a bit of backstory here, as every post in this subreddit goes. Girlfriend and I have been dating for over 2 years now. She broke up with me about 3 times so far, it isn't as horrible as it sounds so don't judge her too harshly yet. Basically she was forced to break up with me for one of those times and the other two she did out of fear of her parents finding out.
So the third time she broke up with me, about a year and a half ago, I got into a really bad place emotionally and well, became a bit of an asshole and dated a rebound for like a few days. Then got back together with gf cuz rebound got together with her ex and that's a whole other story. I acknowledge I was the asshole here but both of us are pretty much over that episode.
Anyways, since then, gf has had some understandable trust issues with me and I've had some trust issues with her, but overall it's been great and we've been growing together and learning and stuff. So about like 6 months ago, I moved away and doing long distance rn.
Now over the past few weeks, she's been talking to friends there, both hers and mine, about how I cheated on her by dating someone else as a rebound like I mentioned earlier, and how I gave another girl a gift who's literally one of my best friends but gf has been talking shit about it and well, I had enough of it.
Today I snapped and told her that she can continue talking to others, because it helps her overcome those issues and I want what's best for her, and she can rant to me as well. But I told her to just stop telling me whenever she talks to her friends about me, because that really hurts me.
AITA for snapping at her about that?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
0pl4SPmTS6G4NJsqm4Lzt2UmIsyaCevs
|
at8u57
|
{
"description": "getting mad at a friend for bringing his playstation on a trip we are currently on",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at a friend for bringing his playstation on a trip we are currently on.
|
so me and a friend planned a trip, we drove to the hotel and the first thing he does is plug in his ps4.
I asked him why he bought it with him as we have driven down to site see, he got annoyed and said that he might want to play it.
I dropped it and thought that it might be good idea to watch Netflix after a long day, big mistake.
he kept on staying up playing it and would sleep through most of the day, because he would be up to late and get to tired meaning I did most of the excursions we had planned by myself.
I then told him on the last day that he ruined the Holiday and I dont want to do this again, and that he was being a horrible friend.
he got mad and decided to sit in the back of my car and sulk the whole trip home.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
dF0ylXwwLRbrWTSZhxBwlCzEJRrgNYli
|
9z4yd4
|
{
"description": "telling my snake-charmer friend to go back to India",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my snake-charmer friend to go back to India?
|
“It’s just a prank bro”
tl;dr at the bottom
A little background on this: I am a college student and live in Texas. This semester , I met this guy in one of my classes and found out we had similar interests and he met some of my other friends and we all started hanging out. He is from India but has been in the U.S. for some time, and calls himself an Indian version of “Jim” from the office because he likes to prank people (and he thinks he’s very smooth.)
Most of his pranks on people are harmless and they tend to have a good laugh or at least be indifferent about them. But lately, his pranks have been going a little too far - being not so fun for the person receiving them and actually kind of making him a jerk. He has also grown increasingly arrogant and I am starting to not be able to be around him.
I thought about talking to him about it as that’s what I would want somebody who calls me a friend to do for me. So I invited him to go get some sonic one day. He shows up to my house and I get in his car. Turns out, he already has sonic (?) for us and my sonic bag is in the floorboard of the passenger seat. So I’m like “oh. Well, thanks for buying” (probably didn’t know exactly what I wanted, but whatever, it’s a nice gesture I guess). He says “let’s eat it at this place on campus.” So we start driving there.
At this point I’m getting a little nervous about the confrontation. I am not a confrontational person and I am also a very stoic and non emotional person, and more emotional people don’t always respond well to that. While I am thinking, I immediately feel a sharp pain on the inside of my leg, near my ankle. I jump and look down to see a FUCKING snake attached just above my ankle.
Being from Texas, I see snakes every once in a while and while I’m not necessarily afraid of them, I certainly don’t like messing with them or being around them. Granted, this was a baby snake (maybe a Garter snake). So I start flipping the fuck out since this thing is gnawing on my ankle, and I don’t really know what to do. I try grabbing it to which it releases for a split second before biting my leg again. I try to grab near its head and it turns and bites my hand before releasing and falling to the floorboard.
In the mean time, Indian Jim is DYING laughing. I kept yelling for him to pull over and he doesn’t. He is driving so I can not get out of the car so I step on the snake with my shoe as hard as I can and grind it underneath. From my leg and hand, little blood pools are forming. My friend is almost crying from laughing so hard at this point and finally pulls over.
Like i said, I am usually a fairly non emotional person. But this just got to me. I started shaking from rage. And he saw my face and started to cool down on the laughter and said “what?! It’s just a prank dude - don’t worry - it’s harmless.”
I BLEW UP. “Are you fucking kidding me dude? A FUCKING SNAKE IS NOT A PRANK!” Out of anger and among other things, I said if this is his idea of friendship, he needs to go back to India because he’s not going to make it here. This came out pretty harsh.
I get out of the car, tell him to fuck off, and call my grandma (long story) to come and get me. Later, my other friend and Indian Jim’s roommate who knew I was going to talk to him about his behavior texts me and says Indian Jim did not take our talk very well and that whatever I said “devastated” him and that I was a racist. He suggested I apologize to him and reassure him. I’m cutting him out and will likely not speak to him again.
No doubt the guy should not have let a snake attack me, but is there any chance I took this too far? AITA?
TL;DR former friend put baby snake in sonic bag as a prank. I told him to find friends in India and cut him out as a friend.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
0P9hxxIVPVWi74zarWo7RrlD9naD3CFo
|
a32ydv
|
{
"description": "not going to my grandparents funeral",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not going to my grandparents funeral
|
The Parents from my Mom died within a span of like 4 Months. Her father from a heart attack and her mother from breast cancer. I have never met them before so I had no emotional binding at all. My Mother asked me and my 2 Brothers if we want to go to the funeral (It was in hungary). We would have taken the airplane but I declined. I just feel bad because my Mother does everything for us since my Dad decided to be a total dick and leave my Mom when she born my little Brother (He didnt even have the balls to say it to her he just gave her a letter and left her alone in the hospital) and started doing drugs. So I feel like the appropiate answer would have been yes but im also scared because ive never been on a funeral so I didnt know how I would handle seeing my Grandparents ive never met before. (Im 17)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
OMK93BFriCjJQ9jU4IB8bFSHYU6Clarn
|
b1y8ky
|
{
"description": "telling my one night stand to get the fuck out",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 30
}
|
AITA for telling my one night stand to get the fuck out?
|
So I (23M) took a girl (23F) home from a nightclub. I haven't met her before or anything so it's a stranger. We kissed at the club and danced a bit.
Once we're at mine and getting it on, I started to sober up a tiny bit and realize she wasn't that great looking. She wasn't ugly per se, but she wasn't as hot as I found her in the club. That, coupled with the fact that I was getting really tired due to alcohol wearing off + my emotional state being a bit off, I didn't want to go through with this.
So we're making out and I just stop. I then stand up off the bed and calmly, but very firmly say: ''Get the fuck out. Now.''
I didn't shout or anything, I just said it with calmness and made sure to make eye contact. She hadn't gotten naked or anything yet so she left very abruptly.
I mean I COULD have shouted, instead I just said very calmly and FIRMLY to GTFO. Perhaps I intimmidated her? I'm 6''2 and over 190lbs, and she looked to be 5''4 and skinny.
I told my friends this and they said that was a bit douchey and that I should have just went through with it and had sex given that it was that far in, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 30,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 30
}
|
WRONG
|
KhhU9bjI5L5tf311t2ATlxXAUJHlV8tA
|
alpg4g
|
{
"description": "being annoyed at my perfect friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA Because I'm Annoyed At My Perfect Friend?
|
Basically, I have a very close friend at school who is the most organized, kind, neat, early, polite (etc) person I have ever met. And I don't know why, but the way she acts just bugs me a lot. For example, when my friend group is eating lunch, she'll finish like 10 minutes early, already get packed up, says "What time is it?" (EVERYDAY AT EXACTLY 10:28 WHEN BREAK ENDS AT 10:35!) and just go off, my friend following while I'm left alone struggling to pack up. Happens every break and lunch, every lesson, every day.
Another example is how organized she is. One day I forgot my eraser at home and turned to her during history to ask her for one. She looked at me like I was an idiot for not having everything on hand, and slowly gave me the eraser.
She's also a lot more successful than me, being in the highest set in Math AND (newly) English when I read and work my butt off just to stay in the top set in English. She just kinda slides in, and it bugs me so, so much. She's so neat and tidy, never forgets everything and every teacher loves, LOVES her.
She literally RUNS to the next lesson when the bell rings, and I tell her (and my other friends,) 'hold up! Gimme a sec!' and sometimes the others do, but never, never her. It's like she thinks that if she isn't 5 minutes early, she'll die.
And it annoys me a lot, to see how great she is, when everyone else is struggling. Sometimes I wonder if she has EVER messed up. And I feel like an asshole. I just need to know if I really am being one?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
ZRhlbJo8SAxaPIgUwwOILxBZim87q8UD
|
abny0j
|
{
"description": "calling cops on neighbours",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling cops on neighbours?
|
My neighbours ( a married couple,M and F ,in their late 40s ) were arguing recently because M is an alcoholic and F had enough of it . Noise was unbearable so I (18,F) called cops on them. My mom loves to be in comfort zone so she thinks that I am dumb that I did that and started to annoy me that I shouldn't have done that , it's not my business (they were disturbing my beauty sleep) , she's not gonna sleep well and the relationship with them is gonna be ruined even though she doesn't have one with them and I'm the one who called the cops so it does not have anything to do with her . I want to think that I did the right job ,because I want to sleep peacefully ,but my anxiety makes me regret all of this and think that I'm and idiot for calling police, so am I an asshole for that? (sorry for my broken English, it's not my first language).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
7S0lgMVmqs0jQ5SUTQ7GNeW2iKuYuj9m
|
b8viqk
|
{
"description": "giving my friends 14 y/o son condoms and not telling him",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for giving my friends 14 y/o son condoms and not telling him?
|
We have a really good friend of our family, (solo dad) who's kids call us Aunty and Uncle and vice versa. His 14 year old son often comes on hunting trips or to watch sports games with me and my son.
A weekend recently he stayed with us and told my wife and I about his new girlfriend, later he pulled me aside and asked if I could give him some condoms as he didnt have any and couldn't get any.
I felt flattered that he trusted me enough to ask. I gave him a box, because I'd rather he had them to be safe if he needed them. I told him I'm not condoning any decisions he makes around being sexually active and that in only giving them because I want him to be safe if he does choose to. I also told him he should talk to his dad.
AIATA because I'm not going to tell his very religious dad? He'll be pissed I gave him the condoms and he won't see it from my perspective. His view is his kids will not have sex until they are married. Period. It'll also ruin the trust I've built up with his kid, who may not come back to me if he needs help in the future. We also love the family and I think this may be big enough for our friend to cut us off.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
Wy8wpmyI2NHeDw5dzR7j5uSnf24vWO0X
|
aw43rg
|
{
"description": "being pissed off at my boyfriend for calling me out on my fears",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed off at my boyfriend for calling me out on my fears (huntsman, bees/wasps)?
|
AITA for being pissed off at my boyfriend for calling me out on my fears (huntsman, bees/wasps)?
Have had a fear of spiders for forever and especially since I was forced to crawl through a roof with huntsman as a child.
Also got attacked by a swarm of bees a short time ago.
He has a fear of snakes and heights and I don't call him out on it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
POQSw6m48PB0wN65HhrZ976qxPYIE8aX
|
aog7z3
|
{
"description": "confronting my roommate to stop bringing people over",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for confronting my roommate to stop bringing people over?
|
I’m on mobile so sorry for the format, but let’s get into it nonetheless.
For context, my roommate, management, and I had a meeting in the past agreeing not to bring people and having them stay. However, the caveat is that if my roommate were to bring people over he would need to give a 24 hour heads up and not to mention, it was stated in the resident’s contract.
I initially didn’t really care if my roommate brought over people, but the case changed when I found out that one of his “friends” went through my stuff and stole things from me. After that incident with a combination of other issues such as waking me up by walking in at 5 in the morning, I put my foot down and told my roommate he couldn’t bring people over. As I’m typing this right now, my roommate brought over the same “friend” that stole from me in the past and honestly it pisses me off. I’m no saint myself but I have a set of standards that includes not rummaging through all of someone’s stuff and stealing.
Besides the point, my roommate claims to have texted me at 4 in the morning bringing someone over but I was past out by then. When I confronted my roommate why he brought someone over, he claimed that his “friend” left her keys in her dorm and she had “nowhere” to stay. I would usually be sympathetic, but given my history with my roommate’s friend I couldn’t give a flying fuck abut her situation. I apologize if my story is confusing as I’m typing this at 6 in the morning.
But please tell me Reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
KQvDTpJ6uNtrKpLszO9cFDgjVRfNjIRj
|
b7hi59
|
{
"description": "reporting my neighbor to Animal Protective Services",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for reporting my neighbor to Animal Protective Services?
|
So I [M19] am in the US and right in the South. I live with my family who have been here for over 30 years, and we're deep in the woods with the closest main road being over 2 miles away. One of the only 3 neighbors we have anywhere in our vicinity owns a very *large* amount of dogs. That's not inherently bad or anything provided you can care for them, but they are treated terribly. Flea infested, starved, and all of them are chained up outside to trees, basketball hoops, and anything else you can loop a chain around. The area isn't cleaned and the dogs are never taken to the vet or ever played with. When we had hurricane warnings, or our dam broke and there was major flooding possible going to happen in our area they always left them tied up, even with days to try to move them to a safer place. I remember one of their dogs getting hit by a car because he was the only 2 they ever had off leash and he had a huge gash on his leg. He was never taken to the vet and I tried to clean it and wrap it up with gauze but the next day I guess he tore it off. He does about a month later for "unknown reasons". This dog was still a puppy, under a year old. He was leashed up after he killed one of my dogs before he died, even though we asked them to tie him up because he was very aggressive to our dogs. They swore he wasnt, and barely apologized after their dog murdered ours. She even made sick jokes that they would "bash the weak pups" because she saw me saying that I was vegan as a personal attack or something.
Their other dog they keep off a chain is a girl, they ALWAYS had her pregnant. The only way they tried to 'prevent' this was to put every female dog they had who went into heat into this tiny cage that was full of feces and other fluids. Then anytime they came pregnant they would put the mother and pups into one of those outdoor dog fences in kennels, they never cleaned these and the pups were full of worms from never going to the vet. She also found a female dog off the road and told my mom that she wanted to keep her around for puppies and replace one of her females with her.
This seems like a perfect reason for calling APS, but my family gets outraged when I bring it up. They tell me that they've known the family for like 30yrs and "yes it's bad, but they help us out!" Or that "you're just going to cause drama, this is a small town, nothing is going to happen to them." Our neighbors just see me as an angry vegan kid that showed up and are starting to start a fuss. I dont really care what they do, I dont like them eating animals but I keep my mouth shut because it's not my place. However this isn't a vegan issue this is just straight up animal abuse!
I really want to do this and try to at least help the dogs somewhat, but my family thinks I'm an ass for even trying to say their friend is abusing animals.
WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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kTX6E6k11IvM39z4ui8pIqyjXYCmOcEy
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aj8zy6
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{
"description": "being upset that my best friend and ex-boyfriend are hanging out",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset that my best friend and ex-boyfriend are hanging out?
|
He broke things off a couple months ago and everything has been relatively cool between us. Now, my best friend dated him a couple of years ago and we've also been cool about it. We all are in the same friend group, but they are not really friends. Or at least that's what I thought. I found out that they were hanging out (mind you its 02.00 am here) because she posted a photo knowing full well i could see it.
Did she mean any ill will? i hope not.
She knows that it's still a sensitive topic for me but maybe I'm just being an ass about this.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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Ij7hFQJ80Jy0fpzR1zs48PIiNFrIDGkQ
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akaa6f
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{
"description": "sending a confrontational email to my father-in-law for encouraging his daughters to interact with their brother after he(the brother) had sexually abused them",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for sending a confrontational email to my father-in-law for encouraging his daughters to interact with their brother after he(the brother) had sexually abused them?
|
To preface, I[22M] just got recently married to my wife[20F] yet we don’t live together quite yet. She is living with her parents and her 4 siblings about 1000 miles from where I am. I am in the Marines and we intend to move in together when she finishes up her semester of school.
A few months ago my wife was discussion abuse in one of her classes and she developed a faint memory of something that had happened in the past. She brought it up with me and told me that she vaguely remembers her eldest brother telling her to strip for him. Because he did a favor for her that she owed a favor to him. He was in 7-9th grade(no one can remember exactly when apparently), and she was in 3rd-5th grade.
Confused and disturbed by these memories she confided in her older sister[22F] and her older sister confirmed. Apparently the oldest sister was also sexually abused by him around the same time but she didn’t tell anyone for fear of “splitting the family up.”
Upon this coming to light, the parents addressed the brother and he confessed. He also confessed that he abused the youngest sister[20F]. He even touched the youngest one.(she had no recollection of this).
The parents sat my wife and her sisters down and told them that it was their responsibility to forgive him and to move it. The father encouraged that they interact with him. This made me irate. I was confused by all of this and i sent him this email:
“Good Morning,
It has come to my attention that (the eldest brother) had molested your three daughters. I am sending this email to express my concern and to obtain some clarity of the situation.
From my understanding, he was in 7th-9th grade and he abused his authority as the older sibling to receive sexual gratification from his sisters. He allegedly went as far as to touch the youngest. It is disturbing to learn that he is not only permitted, but also encouraged to spend time with the victims. It is equally disturbing that there is an attempt to normalize his behavior and to implore the daughters to interact with their perpetrator.
It is certainly the case that your daughters will experience emotional and sexual trauma from doing this. All of the girls have been expressively distraught. There is sound reason that the legal system separates the abused from their abusers. The girls' respect for authority is what is silencing them and their respect for authority is what allowed them to be abused.
I’ve heard the case be made that he was too young and naive to understand the damage he was causing. That is not the consensus of experts. I’ve researched the topic and I’ve only come across sources that express how inappropriate that behavior is.
Example: "However, a fourteen-year-old boy who wants to look at his five-year old sister’s genitals is not showing normal curiosity. You need to ask why he wants to do this."
http://www.ksacc.ca/docs/sibling_sexual_abuse.pdf?LanguageID=EN-US
Even if you exempt (the eldest brother) of fault, it is still likely damaging to your daughters to live with him.
In addition, I’ve gotten the opinion of a couple therapists and they have a serious concern about the situation. According to one of them, it is incredibly unlikely that (the eldest brother) has resolved his problem without any counseling or treatment. Also, they’ve emphasized the importance of the two parties not living together.
I was also informed, by the aforementioned therapist, that there are groups of people who maintain a position of authority that are legally obligated to report all accounts of known sexual abuse. One of them being pastors. You may be at risk of having your ordainment revoked should you continue to conceal these events from the authorities.
https://www.pa-fsa.org/Mandated-Reporters/Understanding-Mandated-Reporting/Who-are-Mandated-Reporters
https://www.pa-fsa.org/Mandated-Reporters/Understanding-Mandated-Reporting/What-are-a-Mandated-Reporters-Responsibilities
Your concern about people outside of the family knowing is troublesome to me. The question as to whether this should be public or not is up to the daughters, in my opinion. Also, I think that it's important that they understand the severity of the situation and feel comfortable seeking help outside of the family. I am concerned that they are going to adopt a warped conception of what has happened that will negatively affect their families in the future.
I agree that it is important for them to forgive, but I am not convinced that (the eldest brother) has even moved on from these tendencies (given that he was never reprimanded or received counseling). Our God is one of forgiveness, but also of just punishment.
This comes from a place of love and compassion. (My wife) is distracted and upset by this, so hopefully we can find resolve. Counseling would be beneficial for everyone involved, so I will be notifying CPS and The PA Family Support Alliance.
Sincerely,
A Frustrated Husband”
I sent this email after my wife said that she was disgusted to live with him and considered living in her car. The parents motioned like they were going to address the problem but they never did, they continually gave her the run around.
In response to the email my father in law wanted to skype with me. In the call he was civil but he explained to me how the behavior by his son was normal. He compared it to boys peeking into girls locker rooms out of sexually curiosity. But when he did it, my wife was expressively upset(crying) and he was willing to watch her suffer. To me, this is much more disturbing.
I called CPS and they conducted an investigation. My mother in law took personal offense to my calling and now she is upset with me. CPS said that they should all consult with a therapist but because most the parties involved aren’t children anymore then they can’t do anything. This affirmed the fathers stance that this behavior was normal and nothing about the situation was resolved. My wives sisters agreed to move on and carry on with him, now my wife feels a bit alone in her disgust.
After another month or so I sent them any second and last email, I said:
“Good Evening,
I would like to take the opportunity to follow up on our last conversation. True to my word, I had contacted child protective services and expressed my concern to them. I reported all of the details that you and I had discussed in our call. In doing so, it became clear that no one had reported it, contrary to your prior claims. From my understanding, you are upset with me for reporting it, but may I remind you that as a parent, and a pastor, it is your duty to report cases of sexual abuse. You are a mandatory reporter.
During the investigation, it was revealed to the representive that the molestation took place as a direct result of (the eldest brothers) inability to restrain himself after he lost access to pornography. This is not in line with the previous theory that this took place for reasons other than for sexual gratification. It is obvious that this was an act of perversion that is not normal for adolescent boys. Even if this theory did have any validity, (the eldest brother) delibertly abused his authority and watched his sister cry as he demanded that she strip for him. The action is reprehensible no matter how you paint it.
You had asked me what you could do to help (my wife) I think that this article would help you with that tremendously. The topics include the following:
Denying or minimizing the abuse
Blaming and shaming the victim
Telling survivors to move on and stop focusing on the past
Shutting down their voices
Ostracizing survivors
Refusing to “take sides”
Pressuring survivors to make nice with their abusers
https://psychcentral.com/lib/7-ways-family-members-re-victimize-sexual-abuse-survivors/
Also, I think that you are doing her a disservice by trivializing her trauma and blaming other factors such as her work or her relationship. She is a victim of sexual abuse who is living with her abuser and thats the reason that she is distraught. She hardly feels any sympathy from those she lives with and she feels that it is her responsibility to “get over it” for the sake of the family. She is handling it remarkably well, and she is capable of making the decisions that are best for her. If she doesn’t seek a relationship with Julian, then don’t encourage one.
Let me know that you have received this. If you wish to discuss further then do so via email.
Everything that I have done is for the protection of (my wife) because she’s having a hard time coping right now. I am acting on my own devices and she should not be held accountable for anything that I say.
(My name)”
It’s important to mention that they wanted me to join them for Thanksgiving but for me to conceal what happened from the rest of the family. They’re adamant about not letting anyone know.
After this second email was sent my wife was livid. She attacked me and said that there was no reason to send this email. She called me malicious and attacked me.
We’ve since resolved our tension and we’re on good terms. But her parents never responded to me. Around Christmas they hid all the presents and put the police’s phone numbers around the house because they feared that I was violent and the father threatened a restraining order after that email. My wife says that it warranted a restraining order. I think that he father is emotionally manipulative and her was fear monger omg to make his family against me. I think he’s narcissistic and unable to defend his stance morally. AITA?
Sorry if some of this is incoherent. There’s a lot of details. I’ll answer any remaining questions though!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole)
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
gKd8h6gONXtK8hrWrIc5r99FBSOIZ0Hv
|
af86uk
|
{
"description": "calling my girlfriend's friend",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling my girlfriend's friend?
|
This happened one week ago, but today some developments came up.
Basically, the 31st, me and my girlfriend went to a party with some friends of mine. The party was organized by an old classmate, ex male bestfriend of my girlfriend. He didn't know she would came and when he realized they started talking and I left them alone to catch things up. At the end of the party she came to me and told me how she had never been so drunk in her life and she could have done something she would have regretted for life (but she couldn't remember what).
The next day, this old classmate asks her out, to catch up better. I'm obviously happy for her, since she hasn't had friends of her own for years.
The following Sunsay they go out, but, before he picks her up, she tells me she will write me all night in order for me to check if everything was going smoothly.
Then she writes me when he arrives and stop, nothing is written to me for the next 4 hours. I start to worry and to write her and call her: no answer.
Since I was worried I call her friend. He doesn't answer.
I call again my girlfriend and she answers:
Basically, when he arrived, he took her phone and told her that it was their night out so they didn't need the phone. During the "date" she asked him for the phone but he didn't let her. At the end, while they were driving back, she had his phone and saw my call, so she told him and asked her phone. He got angry and told her that I was toxic and overprotective. She didn't say anything and got home.
Today he writes her again, asking if she was still "at house arrest".
So my question is, since it's my word against his, am I the asshole for calling them during their night out? I'm obviously mad at him, not my girlfriend.
Tl,dr: girlfriend goes out with old friend, promises to check on me, doesn't answer, I call him and he gets angry.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Zw4XY86A2W6KqSiFcv6RKRiIiAbL0pnE
|
a8krbr
|
{
"description": "refusing to hold a baby",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to hold a baby?
|
I don't like children. I never have, and the fact that my older sister had a baby at 16 and I had to live with it for five years didn't help. Mostly this is not a problem because, aside from the occasional annoying restaurant or movie theater experience, I don't really *have* to interact with kids much. My boyfriend is also firmly childfree, as are most of our friends, so we just sort of live our own lives and don't hang out around kids.
One of my coworkers just had a baby and has been gone on maternity leave, and she visited the office with her baby the other day. Now let me make it clear, I'm not some grouch. She is one of those people who was born to be a mom and I'm really happy for her. So we had a mini party when she visited and I made a little cake and we were all happy to see her. I was asking her questions about baby stuff and how everything was going and being part of it, it wasn't like I was just sitting off in the corner brooding.
Well, she started passing around the baby for everyone to hold, and when it got to me I just said "Oh, no thanks!" and you would think I had suggested that we throw the baby out the window. Now, the actual mom didn't say anything about it but I got jumped on by everyone else.
"Oh my gooooood don't be rude,"
"You can't hold the baby for five seconds?"
"You don't have to be so dramatic."
I really don't think I was being rude or dramatic for not wanting to hold the baby, especially since I was genuinely participating with everything else and I was polite about saying no thanks. I just really do not want to hold a baby and I don't see why it should be a requirement to not be rude. It's not like I'm saying it's not a good baby for me not wanting to hold it.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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eJ3EVwhYZ9YqIC5VrGiH8kwvEZNrSK3H
|
agxiiv
|
{
"description": "letting my brother miss his exam after I refused to drive him",
"pronormative_score": 134,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for letting my brother miss his exam after I refused to drive him?
|
I’m a 20 year old guy with a twin brother. As such, we both started learning to drive at the same time, and have had exactly the same amount of chance and opportunity to practice to drive and get our licences. I am on my Ps (for those outside Australia, that is a provisional license. It means I can drive without supervision but have to have 0 alcohol.) while my brother is still on his Ls, with only 5 hours practice completed out of the 100 needed to pass.
As I’m the only one of us able to drive, and our mom works all day, I end up giving him rides all the time. This is everything from a 5 minute trip the bus stop when he thinks he’s gonna be late to catch a bus, to two hour there-and-back trips to drop him off to visit his friends in the city we used to live in a couple of years ago. There have been very, very few times that I have refused to pick him up. There have been multiple occasions, one just a week ago, when he has woken me up at between 1 and 4 AM to go pick him up from wherever he is. And I have done it. I once had to leave a date with my girlfriend half way because he was drunk and said he was feeling unsafe. I am happy to do this, because I would rather know he is safe than have him in danger, even if it is annoying. I don’t charge him any money, even gas money, either. Okay, general backstory over.
Recently I dropped him off at a friends house in the morning. He brought a bag so I thought he might stay overnight. At 11PM, as I ask halfway through my brush teeth/shower routine, i get a series of calls and texts, but I don’t answer or read them cause my phones in the other room. When I read them, it’s a series of gradually more irritated texts from my brother asking me to pick him up. I sigh, accept this won’t be the night I get around to man scaping, and go to get him.
The city I live in is hell to drive in anyway, and he gave pretty bad directions. I get lost cause it’s in a part of the city I don’t really go to often, and there is also traffic. It takes me an hour to find him, when google maps says the trip should be 35 minutes.
He opened the door and got in. No ‘hello’, no ‘thank you’, no eye contact or acknowledgement. He immediately put in his earphones and looked forward, apparently not speaking to me. I didn’t say anything but about halfway back made a comment about it, and he made a comment back, and it escalated. When I got home, at half past midnight, I am fucking pissed. I decide then that I’m not going to be driving him around anymore. I’ve told him I’m done driving him around before, but I always end up giving in, but this time I’m really committed to stick to it.
Fast forward a couple of days and he has an exam at uni. He asks me at 8am for a lift. His exam is at 10:30. I say no. He asks again and again, every like ten minutes. And I say no ever time. The bus to his uni takes an hour, and the drive is 30 minutes. The bus comes every ten minutes and is very easy to catch. At this stage, he still has enough time to get the bus with plenty of time to get to the exam room. He keeps asking for a lift and I keep saying no. Eventually I see the time getting closer and tell him he better catch the bus or he’ll be late. He says “No, you’re driving me.” I tell him no. The hour bus window closes, and he’s still hanging around. At 40 minutes before his test, he tells me we really have to go. I tell him I’m really, really not driving him. When it gets to 30 minutes to it, he’s switching between enraged and threatening and begging. I lock my door and put in my earphones and stick to my guns of not taking him, and he ends up missing his exam.
He’s furious with me, and tells our mom. She tries to stay out of conflicts like this so refuses to take anyone’s side. This is why I turn to reddit. Am I the asshole?
Tl;dr. My brother missed an exam after I wouldn’t drive him to uni. The whole reason I stopped driving him is cause he acted like an ass.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
EDqOTa2iyqP5Zkc2ji3qUldlmSsid9b9
|
9ypsdp
|
{
"description": "wanting my bf to do my homework for me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for wanting my bf to do my homework for me?
|
I've already failed this class once and I have to take it again. He is good at this subject I am not. I want him to do the work for me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
ESBWuYUIbXI7Oy7HdFskVxrA5RKJ7DGL
|
anaov6
|
{
"description": "telling my neighbors to shut up",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I tell my neighbors to shut up?
|
So my downstairs neighbors are pretty loud all the time. My boyfriend and I have crazy schedules and we sleep till about 1pm and are usually going to sleep somewhere between 12am and 3am.
My neighbors have kids who are ridiculously loud at all hours of the evening. The dad screams at them all the time like every day. The wife talks on her phone on her porch so loud I can hear her full conversation. Worst of all they slam doors so hard that my entire apartment shakes.
I am pretty understanding about weekends and during the day, but yesterday being the super bowl they had people over. These people stayed the night with more kids. ALL 10 OF THESE KIDS WERE IN OUR PARKING LOT AT 7 AM SCREAMING. I had my windows open because it's been nice finally and I swear it took all my power not to run them all over out of spite.
So AITA if I ask them politely TO SHUT THE HELL UP?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
02spqwmndYwy36Es1ZN95bya2S8brmNX
|
a75d41
|
{
"description": "hanging out outside my boyfriends house with him in my car a lot",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hanging out outside my boyfriends house with him in my car a lot
|
we’re 17/16 so we don’t really have anywhere private to be close, but i really try to keep pda to a minimum. i’m introverted af so the idea of people seeing me being intimate in any way makes me cringe.
to get to the point though, my boyfriend lives near me, so i drive him home everyday. we don’t see each other that much (no shared classes) so when we get to his house we tend to sit in my car and talk for a little while (maybe like a half hour to an hour at most). we kiss sometimes too, but my windows are really tinted and i try to make sure no one’s around, as that’d be embarrassing to me. we do usually kiss goodbye though (he’ll come up to the driver side to say bye before i go and all that) but even then i really try to be sure no one’s around, as i hate the idea of people seeing us do that.
anyway, today as we were saying bye/ he gave me a kiss his neighbor from across the street & a house over comes over to us and angrily says something like “can you guys stop doing this, you do this every day and it’s fucking disgusting” and then pretty much leaves right after yelling at us. i was about to leave anyway so i did, and now i’m home, still embarrassed as hell over that.
im not sure if i’m more embarrassed to know that we were visible this whole time, or if i’m more just cringing that i didn’t realize we were doing anything wrong/ that’d upset people
i can just feel the anxiety coursing through my veins and covering my body in a way i really can’t describe. i seriously can’t expressed how fucking embarrassed i am right now, i just want to never even go near the street he lives on ever again. i’m really working this up in my head, so i think that an outside opinion on this would be helpful. i already plan to make even more of an effort not to hang out outside his house too long, but if we’re in the wrong i’d still like to know. and if we are, how bad of a person am i?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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