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f9DUD8p8SeypmeikBjQosWMXGQejHCdp
|
aww11o
|
{
"description": "being visibly annoyed with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being visibly annoyed with my friend(s)?
|
Joe is my fiancé’s best friend and I’ve considered him a good friend for years. He recently watched our cats while we were out of the country for a week. I agreed to pay him. When we returned home Joe was there so we watched some tv. I got a call from my family so I stepped into a different room to talk to them. Joe and my fiancé Ryan followed me a few minutes later and made it hard to hear my family. I asked Ryan to keep it down and when nothing changed I got visibly annoyed and walked back to the living room. Joe left immediately and I ended the call. Ryan and I sat down close together on the couch, he got a text from Joe and I saw the preview saying “that was kinda bitchy”.
Apparently Joe had been trying to speak to me about payment. I thought they were just chatting loudly together, being oblivious to my call. Joe thought I was annoyed that he was asking for payment when I was just annoyed that I couldn’t hear my family. I paid him immediately after hearing this, I wasn’t putting it off just hadn’t considered it an urgent issue.
Ryan got really annoyed at me and told me “you need to stop doing this to my friends”. I was really surprised, because I think I’m a very mellow person and I rarely show people I’m annoyed. I asked Ryan if I make a pattern of being rude to our (his?) friends, and after thinking about it he reminded me that I get annoyed when people talk during movies. I do get annoyed and will comment if friends repeatedly interrupt movies we haven’t seen, but I never thought I was rude about it. Ryan told me he doesn’t show annoyance around my friends, but that’s because he isn’t friends with my friends. I thought his friends had become mine too over the years, and that friends were allowed to occasionally show frustration with each other. I see them get in arguments and get past it, why can’t I even show I’m annoyed?
Ryan told Joe not to call me bitchy. Later Ryan apologized, saying I don’t make a habit of being rude and that he was just annoyed that this happened. I told him it was a sexist double standard, that when I get annoyed once in a blue moon it’s “bitchy” and I “need to stop” behaving that way, when they can get annoyed and even angry at each other somewhat regularly. That I was only called “bitchy” because I’m apparently expected to always be happy and not cause any trouble. He agreed and apologized for being hypocritical.
**TL;DR:** I got annoyed at my fiance’s best friend, who I also consider a close friend. He misunderstood why I was annoyed and told my fiancé I was “bitchy” instead of just waiting a minute to talk to me and clear it up. I may have been a little rude but now I feel like I’m not allowed to show any annoyance, which to me means I’m not really his friend, I’m just the tag along fiancée. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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apn9y7
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{
"description": "snapping at my roommate",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for snapping at my roommate?
|
Lately, the wifi in my house has been a bit weak. My (23F) roommate (22M) works from home, so this was an issue. He bought a new router the other day, and asked yesterday if today was a good time to change it over. I said no, since it was a Sunday, so if there were issues comcast wouldn't be able to help, and I had work 7am-8pm Monday with only an hour break in the middle and I am the authorized used. He pushed, and I said fine, whatever.
He unplugged everything without checking to see what he had to do and now our wifi is completely gone. I told him that I could not call that day, and that he should call the independent contractor. We moved on and talked about other things.
Today, Monday, he texted me at 2 asking if I had called Comcast yet. I explained that I couldn't. In addition, he knows the nature of my work (I put on multiple Shakespeare shows a day) that I am not at my phone for hours at a time. After a TON of back and forth, that did include me calling Comcast on my one break, we got an appointment scheduled and my roommate said "make sure to actually check your phone from time to time so you can confirm".
I was already having a stressful day and just went, "Hey man, it's no big deal, but I told you I wouldn't be available. No need to be passive aggressive." and kind of stormed off. I get he was frustrated, but he doesn't need to take it out on me.
Should I have just let it go?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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yWFbsBNrS4QjJWnN8C85PBmRNiuoHbxX
|
ax956v
|
{
"description": "being irritated/disappointed in my wife for choosing a paint by number instead of using the art supplies I have already gotten got her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being irritated/disappointed in my wife for choosing a paint by number instead of using the art supplies I have already gotten got her?
|
Christmas 2017 I(m24) bought my wife (f22) several canvases and new brushes after she expressed an interest in painting more. A week or more ago she found a large paint by number that she thought she might like. I disapproved but tried my best not to scrutinize. She has not touched the paint supplies I bought her (I literally used one a couple months ago to see if I could motivate her to start one of her own and offered all the help I can give. Didn't work) the paint by number that she is trying to get is around 50 dollars, almost as much as i spent on the supplies in the beginning. Also I very much support original art even if it's bad versus something purchased(she knows this)
So am I just up-tight or wut?
Money is tight and I'm afraid it will be wasted on this
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
CZs8Bc57yW3D4ow2qpeLXcm1efx8mQty
|
b3tezi
|
{
"description": "not trading shifts with a co-worker",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I didn't trade shifts with a co-worker?
|
My birthday is next week. I took that Friday off since I don't have to work that Saturday, so I could have a long weekend. My co-worker sent me a message asking if I could trade Saturday shifts with her (so I'd work the 30th and she'd work the 6th). She didn't say why she needed to trade. I don't actually have any plans but I'd really like to have my weekend free and not have to come back to work after taking Friday off. In fact if I did make the trade I would probably just cancel the PTO I have scheduled. I'm just afraid I'm being overly selfish...
So, would I be the asshole if I told her I couldn't make the trade?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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"OTHER": 6,
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
HZT2bF6zerWaw6kicIUhzvCtcmAnSW8C
|
a2g8gy
|
{
"description": "giving a wedding gift 3 months late and not saying anything about it until it was 2 months past the wedding",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for giving a wedding gift 3 months late and not saying anything about it until it was 2 months past the wedding?
|
Throwaway account because too many of my coworkers know my actual account. Sorry if this is a bit lengthy. TLDR at the end.
​
Backstory: So I have a friend who is a coworker of mine and we've known each other for about 3 years now. We got along right away and although he is a work friend I consider him to be a friend outside of work too. When we first started working together we had the same role. About a year ago I received a promotion and am now technically his boss. He had been dating his (now wife) for a long time - I think like 9 years or something? - and they got engaged shortly after we met. I was invited to the wedding with a +1 for my SO, and it was super far advanced notice (like 8 months maybe) so I had plenty of time to request days off of work, RSVP to the wedding, and get a gift.
​
I took the time off of work immediately and set a calendar event and multiple reminders in my phone. My first fuck up is when I received the RSVP in the mail I ended up losing it and couldn't find it for like 4 months. I ended up giving the RSVP via text message like 2 months before the wedding after he reached out and asked about it. I felt shitty about that, but figured it wasn't a huge deal. My second fuck up is not asking about registry details. I had no clue where they were registered for a wedding gift, and realistically I was too embarrassed to ask them. Everyone else I know who was going to the wedding was also either a current coworker of mine, or a past coworker of mine, and for some reason I was too embarrassed or ashamed to reach out to any of them for registration details. So I made the worst decision, which is to make no decision at all. I let it go and pushed it off until the weekend of the wedding.
​
The wedding was talked about as if it were going to be a huge event, but when we arrived there it was a relatively small venue and there were probably 40-50 people max. I looked around at the group of coworkers that were there, and realized it was a very small group of us. I assumed there was going to be a huge number of us there, as we work with a large team (over 100 people), but it was really just a small group who he considered to be his closest of friends. That's when I really started to feel super shitty about the gift thing.
​
The wedding was really nice. It was an outdoor wedding. Ceremony was nice, everyone was beautiful, weather was perfect. It was a nice wedding. The reception was outdoors too, under this really big tent thing. There was an open bar, food was decent, and the staff was hilarious (it was a family owned farm and the owners were there and they were both characters). Once everyone got settled into their meals, after the speeches and normal wedding stuff, that's when people started to mingle. I'm pretty socially awkward and my SO doesn't really know anyone so I'm left to be the leader. I didn't interact with my friend or his wife for a while into the wedding, because I didn't want to interrupt their meal or surround them. They were already being bombarded with other family members and I just felt like I would be a bother, so I wanted to wait for a time where I didn't feel as if I was interrupting. We ended up connecting and taking some pictures and chatting for a bit - he seemed really excited to have us both there but was also running around like crazy, as I would expect from a groom at his wedding. My SO and I don't really know his wife very well so we didn't connect with her until later in the evening, but she is very nice and we chatted for a little while. She was mostly on the dance floor all night.
​
The venue had on-site lodging, kind of like a huge cabin with lots of cool loft things and tucked away bunk beds. Every one of my friends/coworkers who attended the wedding - with the exception of 1 person - stayed over at the venue. Realistically I could have stayed, but weddings really stress me out and I've been struggling a bit with my work/life perception outside of my work environment now that I am these peoples boss. I don't want to let any confidential information slip or get into any gossip sessions about coworkers, or make an ass of myself and lose respect in the workplace. So we didn't stay the night and ended up leaving close to 11. We were leaving on the earlier side of most guests, but we lived about an hour away from the venue and didn't want to be driving too late at night.
​
After the wedding I was still feeling anxious about the gift and not really knowing what to do. As far as my SO was concerned I had purchased something from the registry and all was good. I was even more ashamed to reach out to someone for information, as the wedding had already passed. I ended up ordering something online for them a few days after the wedding. I really think they will enjoy this gift and it's something I know they will use all the time (it's a kitchen/baking item). Unfortunately the item I purchased was on backorder for 2-3 weeks. Not a huge deal I thought, normally it would have arrived in 1 week so what's a few extra weeks? They'll be on their honeymoon anyways, right? Well the gift continued to be pushed back - last I heard the delivery date was supposed to be end of November but I still have not received a shipping date. I've reached out to the company and we are in communication - I seem to have just ordered at the wrong time. Either way it doesn't help my situation or my anxiety.
​
We haven't talked since the wedding, and although we still work together we are currently in different buildings so I don't see him but we will eventually work in the same building again and I want to resolve any issues before that happens. I sent him a text about a week ago letting him know the situation with the gift, that I was very sorry about the delay, that my SO and I had a wonderful time at the wedding (realistically I should have said that the day after the wedding but I didn't), and that I hope we could hang out soon. He hasn't responded.
​
I guess my reason for writing all this is because I'm worried that I've been a huge asshole and that I've ruined a friendship. I'm also worried about how we will interact at work now if he is upset with me. I don't want a negative perception of me to be spread around the workplace either, and I know he likes to gossip. I've already gotten some negative vibes from this one girl who was at the wedding, but I don't know if it's all in my head or if it's real. I'm torn between whether or not I should text him again, or if I should just wait until the gift gets here before reaching out again. Either way I feel like a bag of dicks about it and I'm wondering if other people were in this situation if they'd have the same feelings.
​
AITA for not getting a gift on time or communicating this better?
​
TLDR; invited to a wedding of a friend/coworker, didn't get a gift until after the wedding, gift still hasn't arrived 3 months after the wedding, hadn't reached out to the groom until 1 week ago and he hasn't texted back.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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3dvi4Ceh5u2Xw8pf7tMWxN8sXTXjUIoe
|
b69iam
|
{
"description": "joining a demonstration exclusive to the women of my school",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
WIBTA for joining a demonstration exclusive to the women of my school?
|
I couldn't find the right words to put in the title but I hope the title is good enough. Anyways:
My school has spent all of women's history month honoring it by doing little things and organizing a big assembly for the end of the month. The assembly is about honoring women's history and showing solidarity with the ongoing struggle for women's rights. At this assembly the female students and staff of my school are meant to wear blue as a sort of demonstration (the school didn't really specify what it's for but I have my suspicions at the end of the post they aren't important). When the announcement about the demonstration was made I was expecting it to be an option offered to all students a sort of "wear blue to show you support women's rights" type deal, however the announcement was very specific that it was only for the female students. Thinking this probably wasn't what our principal meant to say I head to the main office to ask for clarification and ask "Are male students also allowed to wear blue tomorrow for the assembly?" to which my principal grows angry then controls herself, gives me a curt no, and ushers me out of the office. I don't think that's right. I think that one of the keys to effectively solving the issues of women's rights is to include both genders in solving it. Without men being included in protests for women's rights, and actively being excluded I think it just fosters a new kind of sexism. So I plan to wear blue tomorrow (at least initially assuming my principal doesn't try to force me to take it off). WIBTA to do that?
Tl;dr : My school is having an assembly where the female students are encouraged to wear blue but the male students aren't allowed to and I think that's the same type of thing the women's rights movement stands against so I plan to wear blue despite the ban WIBTA?
my suspicions as to why males aren't allowed: Keep in mind these are just suspicions and nothing I say in this bit is in any way fact.
My principal has always been very obsessed with our image as a school since we're seen as the bootleg of a similar school with the same premise as ours. At the assembly tomorrow there are going to be state legislators (I think two but at least one) and I think my principal is using this demonstration to show off something to the effect of "our girls are progressive and great". However if there are boys in the picture it doesn't jump out as women standing up for women so I think our principal decided to make it female only.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
AOzHfmJFG6eRoAohF2mYsqQF1Z8FCE5o
|
b3kfii
|
{
"description": "taking my sister with me to my grandparents house without telling my mom",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking my sister with me to my grandparents house without telling my mom?
|
So just to preface, my mom tends to be kind of a short fuse in general. She tends to kind of explode over rather small things but usually it's just a bit of yelling and door slams. You know, marriage related loudness, I guess. She gets like this especially when she's had a bit of alcohol, and she's quite a lightweight afaik.
FYI I'm 16 as of writing and my sister is 14. We also have a dog.
My dad's been gone since Monday morning for some kind of work training and he's due back either Thursday night or Friday night. He does system ops for a power company, so they have occasional training weeks that he has to drive hours away for and stay at for the week.
The first time my dad mentioned this as far as I know she got kind of pissed off about it, mostly about the timing of something I guess. I just kinda went whatever and moved on.
Today though I don't know what the hell set her off. I was in my room working when I basically just started hearing stuff slamming in my parents room. After getting a bit stressed about it I just passed it off as my mom just loudly reorganizing clothes. But then she started getting really vocal and pretty much just screaming because my dad had probably hung up on her for screaming. I guess she got a call through again and is basicaly just screaming at him now that he's a f*ing douchebag or whatever, kill you, I don't even know I was trying not to listen. She was just getting progressively louder and rougher and whatever. I decided that I was just not going to ignore it anymore and got up and left my room.
I think she managed to break something in the dishwasher and some lamps and stuff were knocked over in the living area. Since my parents room is directly adjacent to my room I left cause it was loud as hell, and my sister was in the living area sitting on the couch with our dog. I decided to just take her and our dog to my grandparents house because honestly I hated just putting up with my mom's ranting and screaming when I was her age, and not having to listen to someone with anger management problems screaming over the phone at their husband or just like, nobody at all potentially isn't worth it. We left quickly and headed to.my grandparents and that's where I am now. It's a short drive FYI, only a few minutes
Don't really know if I did the right thing, but I couldn't just stay there with my sister. I was legitimately feeling a bit unsafe there (I don't think I should feel like I might have to like, you know, hit my mom or something because she's losing her shit) so I left. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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nX33ZbUQUvZVqF3Ku0u4CmgJSrnZ3dM6
|
ao67s4
| null |
AITA: absent Father is dying & extended family thinks i need to help when I don’t actually know any of them.
|
I hope this doesn’t turn out to be too long. I’m typing on a mobile. Maybe I am asking for validation, or for someone to say “wow you’re a horrible person”. I honestly don’t know.
Important facts to know:
*I was raised by my single mother, who was a single mother by choice.
*I am the youngest of my fathers seven children, none of which did he properly care for over our lives. some of the older siblings were put in or left in actual abusive situations I never was bc my mom kept me away from all of that.
*My father is not a bad person. He’s an abstaining alcoholic that spent much of his life partying and womanizing. His siblings adore him, like a golden god, bc he turned down a baseball scholarship to stay home and help his mom support his siblings.
*As a child, I saw my father approximately twice a year. Some years not even that. I had absolutely no contact with any of my siblings unless we happened to run into one at a store or something. At 18, father came to my high school graduation and threatened to pull my tongue ring out of my face. I laughed at him and told him he didn’t get a say in what I do with my own body.
*A few years ago my father was diagnosed with cancer. Which turned into another cancer. He’s 75. Had multiple heart attacks and strokes.
*As an adult, I pretty much kept the twice a year visiting schedule most of the time. In the past 2-3 years, I make an effort to visit him in the hospital, or at home when he’s been ill. I call about once every 1-2 months.
*that entire side of the family are complete strangers to me. I’ve never been to a Christmas (that I remember). I used to invite aunts, etc to graduation parties or whatever to encourage them to be a part of my life. But, I was young and never got responses so I quit trying.
*I only speak to one sibling, a brother. The others either don’t acknowledge me, are such awful bigoted people I can not morally be around them, or are absolutely batshit insane (example: while dad was in a coma, I said something she didn’t agree with and she threaten to “turn me over her knee” in the middle of the hospital, and tried move towards me like she was actually going to put hands on me ... I’m 35. ... also, at a gathering she threatened to taser my friends bc I wouldn’t let her come to my house and get drunk).
*As far as aunts go, one speaks to me when she wants something. The others ignore me or are shitty to me when I visit dad (example: I walk into the hospital and one says “oh. Which one are you?” ... they know who i am. They just don’t like me or my mom).
*I have one niece that I am in some contact with. She’s a good kid, trying to get through college and I’m the only person in the family to have graduated.
*i harbor absolutely no ill will towards any of these people. They are complete and total strangers to me. I mostly do not think about them. They don’t know where I live, what I do or who i do it with.
*My mom told me very young that my father loves me, but just “isn’t the kind of dad that is around all the time” and that some people are better fathers at a distance. I have always been incredibly ok with that. I never felt bad about daddy daughter dances, I never wondered what he was doing or why he wasn’t around and I have never experienced any real repercussions of not having a “daddy” in my life. My relationships have always been alright (aside from the normal dating woes of any other person). I am happily married and function pretty well in my day to day life.
*Father is now reaching a point where he is sick more often than not and needs around the clock care. One aunt stays with him most of the time, a friend of his spends the night now. And family members are starting to suggest that I need to put myself on a schedule to care for him.
That’s all the facts that I really have. I don’t plan on putting myself on a schedule to care for him because ... he’s a stranger. He’s not been a “dad” even one moment of my life. He was my biological father that occasionally showed up, but also occasionally didn’t. I don’t see it as my responsibility to spend any more or less time with him as he nears death. I know that he has a lot of guilt for not being around for us kids - but that’s also not my cross to bear. He’s an ok guy and I visit him when I can, but I don’t go out of my way to block off entire days/weeks to cook, clean, care for him as he is dying.
(Other things to know: I have a pretty cool job. I travel a bit, am home based and work 830-5pm M-F. My mom is helping to raise three kids of a family member’s and I spend a LOT of time with them. We aren’t rich, but I have the means to make sure that the kids get to go to birthday parties, swimming, fun holiday events, etc. I’m also “newly” married (4 years) and focusing quite a bit on having a happy healthy relationship in a house that is actually a home, not just a place to sleep. i am not including the things that we do with my husbands family bc this is already too long. My purpose of adding this info is so that no one things im just a lazy ass sitting around at home watching Vampire Diaries and eating doughnuts.)
If you read this far, thank you. And congratulations :). Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
SD4JvV3sHP1XwEYEhm79JYotm7G5O9rc
|
aucuee
|
{
"description": "asking my dad for help with our bills",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my dad for help with our bills?
|
My boyfriend and I have been living together for three months now. Money is beyond tight. We never go out, never get to do anything at all.
My dad is always asking me how we are doing. I was lying to him at first, but just scraping by wad staring to wear on me and I ended up telling him how tough things are.
My dad has always been awesome to me. He gave me $3000 and told me to just try to make it last.
I told my bf about it and he got really mad. He said we were making it work and we didn’t have to go to my dad. We didn’t NEED to, but we are struggling and my dad is willing to help out. I don’t get why he is so mad right now.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
mZmSIvWsE0WYEheEcByDUfaX54eEuGTW
|
azf0fi
|
{
"description": "being upset when finding my wifes (supposedly fictional) notes about infidelity that exactly matches our life",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset when finding my wifes (supposedly fictional) notes about infidelity that exactly matches our life?
|
I was cleaning the hallway the other day and among the junk was a nondescript notebook. I flipped through it quickly to see who's it was to see what pile it should go into. Two things became evident. 1) It looked like diary notes from infidelity 2) it was my wife's. I was so shocked that I read the whole thing and everything in it was matching our life. Right down to her interactions with our kids. I was shaking and having an immediate crisis. Chose to confront her about it. She says it's fictional, that I'm a bad person for limiting her creative writing and reading her private notes.
I choose to believe her about it being fictional. And we have a stressful life so I get fantasizing about something else. What really hurts is the active choice to write it specifically about being infidelity and in the setting of our family. One portion was about how the affair was not infidelity towards "the husband" (me) but kissing the husband would be infidelity towards the lover.
Am I the asshole here? I'm quite frankly disgusted. I've found empty condom wrappers in her pants before (for personal use she says) and gotten home to towels in the bathroom smelling of unknown mens perfume when after having been travelling with the kids when she was home alone. So I read it in that context. She swears that she wouldn't be unfaithful (and that she doesn't have the time or energy).
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
j2BqdwpJ7l20l3n7p7sgIJ8TxKVz3dee
|
aji0b9
|
{
"description": "using a disorder I have as an excuse for getting away with something",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for using a disorder I have as an excuse for getting away with something?
|
When I was in elementary school, my case of Tourette’s syndrome was really bad, and I’d ended up making random noises at times. This one kid bullied me physically and verbally for most of 5th grade because of my Tourette’s and the fact that I have general anxiety disorder, and I’d eventually had enough. (I’d asked him to stop for quite a while by the way) One day when I came to school, the kid started pushing me around again, so I punched the kid in the face, breaking his nose, then I said it was because of my Tourette’s when I was called down to the principal’s office, allowing me to not receive any punishment. Did I do something a bit too extreme there or not? (If you don’t know, Tourette’s Syndrome is a neurological disorder that basically causes the person with it to do things without telling their brain they want to I guess. It basically causes neurons to randomly fire at times. Tourette’s syndrome is apparently on the Autism spectrum but I don’t know for sure)
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HISTORICAL
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AITA 15 years of friendship thrown away because I wouldn't put up with her bfs bullsh*y
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I've been stressing over this for months now, there's 15 years of friendship and backstory here so I'll try and keep it brief and simple.
Kind of a tl:dr at bottom.
Best freind (we'll call her K) met this guy (call him W) on tinder about 2 years ago, had a few dates and decided to get a house together after only a few months.
I liked him and thought K had finally met the one, so I was really happy for her. But after a little time K started to get really annoyed at how jealous and insecure he was, he caught his ex wife cheating on him.(divorce was going through at this point, which we all knew). So his behaviour was understandable. Anytime K would get a message or a phone call W would be over her shoulder asking who's that? What do they want? More intense questions if it was a male.
But over a year they were together I got really good friends with W and really helped him deal with all his inner demons and helped him learn how to trust people again. He even held it together and helped K get over a miscarriage.
Fast forward another 6-7 months. They've moved into a new house. K is pregnant again, 4 months gone, I'm god mother! Things are looking brilliant, we're all really excited.
About 5 months ago, W asks if I want to come over on the weekend and have a few drinks and play some video games with him and K. Sounded like fun (it wasn't). Obviously K didn't drink (8 months preg) and went to bed pretty early around 10pm.
Me and W stayed up a few more hours drinking and talking about all the usual bullshit people talk about while slightly drunk. Until we ended up in a conversation where I happened to mention that K used to live with her ex boyfreind(this was at least 7 years ago). At this point he stood up and started shouting "the lying bitch, the fucking lying bitch!"
He then ran upstairs to confront K and started screaming all sorts at her, 8 months pregnant don't forget. He then runs back down stairs with his car keys and tries to leave the house. I stop him and get many bruises for my troubles, he didn't hit me, just trying to push passed.
It's at this point a kind of gave him a lot of home truths and told him he can't be doing shit like this if he wants to be a dad and he needs to grow up and sort his insecurities out for good. He calmed down after half an hour and eventually passed put on the sofa. K came down in tears afterwards thanking me and asking what the hell happened? I explained and then decided I should probably go home as I was in no mood for W bullshit again if he woke up (he'd done things like this before and k said it was probably a good idea).
So next day I txt K asking if everything was ok, she said yes.
I sent a few more txts over the next few weeks, just checking in.
No reply, ok I thought. She's awful at txting back anyway.
It's been almost 2 months now and I know her due date is soon. I'm worried I havn't heard off either of them for nearly two months. I txt both of them the same message asking if I've done something wrong. I get a message back of W.
You know what you've done, you've lied about K. You'll never step foot in our house again and you'll never have anything to do with our daughter. Don't txt us again.
Apparently K didn't live with her ex only stayed there. I didnt know this at the time.
Am I an asshole here for actually stopping his bullshit? Should I have just let him drive off drunk?
This was 4 months ago and there's been no contact since.
tl:dr stopped my pregnant freinds bf driving off drunk after he overeacted during a conversation and they both cut contact with me.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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"description": "wanting to establish paternity even though he doesn't want to",
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|
AITA for wanting to establish paternity even though he doesn’t want to?
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So I’m 23, and 40 weeks pregnant with a sweet little girl. Her dad and I were together for two years, and split when I found out I was pregnant. He REALLY did not want me to keep this baby. We grew up in the same hometown but never really talked until we were both a few years out of high school and in the military. I’m stationed in GA and he is in VA, in different branches. We have had almost zero contact my entire pregnancy, since it’s normally just him saying everything under the sun to make me upset and cry.
His family knows about the baby (he didn’t tell them, I had to when I was about 6 1/2 months along) and they are kind enough to call a couple times a week and see how I’m feeling and just make sure I’m okay.
He doesn’t want to be on the birth certificate, he won’t let me give her his last name (both things I want for her, but if he doesn’t sign a paternity acknowledgment, I have no choice) he doesn’t want me to file for child support either. He doesn’t want any record of this child near his name. I know I can still file without his permission, and a paternity test will be done, and it will all happen anyways.
He wants to just give me money every month, which I trust he will do since we are both military and his career is EXTREMELY important to him. After talking to his family today, I feel awful about the amount we settled on. We settled on $600 a month, which will only cover daycare and I’m paying for everything else for her. He hasn’t helped with any of the baby gear, clothes, diapers, etc. His family thinks he should only be responsible for helping with half of daycare, which will stretch my budget extremely thin.
Mind you, he has no bills, family pays his truck and insurance, he pays about $300 for rent in his buddies house, and he has probably $100,000 in savings. If I agree to that $300 a month I will never be able to establish any sort of savings, and always be on thin ice, while he is still rolling in money and no responsibilities.
My fear is if we go to court, the amount they come up with for him to pay will be similar to that $300 since I “technically” make more than he does because I am one rank higher. (Obviously that’s just how it will be and I’ll have to get over it) I actually have to pay rent, utilities, a car note, insurance, a cell phone bill, and support our daughter. He is deploying soon after she is born, and he has a very high risk career, so I do worry something will happen to him and it will be as though our daughter never existed on his end.
Am I the asshole for not respecting his wishes and wanting to file for paternity/child support?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
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AITA for letting a girl cheat on her boyfriend with me?
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Recently I met a girl on Bumble, who as it happened wanted a casual non-exclusive situation, which was fine with me.
She told me she was still in love with her ex and didn’t want a relationship, but she ends up drunkenly entering a relationship with another Bumble guy that confesses love to her. She initially feels like this is a mistake but starts having a good time
Not long after this an interaction with her ex brings those feelings rushing back, and her new bf starts being a bit of a dick in a series of ways. He openly says he enjoys teasing her and winding her up, he asks for naked photos quite flippantly without really appreciating them or helping her feel secure about what she’s exposed, he jokes about sleeping with other girls and about giving her number away to other guys, telling her they think she’s hot.
Possibly the biggest issue is that this guy doesn’t seem to want to offer physical affection, and literally sets a timer for cuddles. Eventually, she asks him if it’s alright for a guy to stay over. He says yes, And I stay over, but nothing happens, although there are some tender and intimate moments.
Not long after she invites me out to an electronic club with a friend of hers. The night ends and I decide to take her home since she’s pretty drunk, but we get burgers first. It’s at this time that she confesses she has already slept with someone else, and that she wanted to do stuff with me a few nights ago. Additionally she says that if I go home with her she will probably end up doing stuff with me too.
I reason that, she’s already cheating on him with other people, and he is also neglecting her in some really basic ways. From what I can gather she is plucking up the courage to end it but is worried about doing that for a series of reasons. I go home with her, and we have sex multiple times that evening, and the next day.
TLDR: I slept with a girl in an unhappy relationship who is already cheating on her kind of dickish boyfriend.
Am I the asshole for going home with her?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "sending a message after a first date saying I don't want to meet again because they looked very different (worse) than their photos",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 13
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|
AITA for sending a message after a first date saying I don't want to meet again because they looked very different (worse) than their photos?
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(Gender neutral language used on purpose)
I have been jumping feet first into the dating pool recently (mainly app based) and have come to the conclusion that I have to arrange dates as soon as possible because a lot of people use old or heavily filtered photos and when we meet up it's different to expectations. To each their own, but I've had really good conversations with people via text, then on meeting I find out that I am not attracted to them and that would have been clear if they'd represented themselves accurately. Obviously everyone wants to put their most flattering photos, but I'm talking about major weight/age/face differences. Not an attack at any type of person, but just being accurate.
I never like to ghost someone and I always send a "It was nice meeting but I don't think I'm interested in pursuing anything further" type message. Would I be an asshole to include "... to be honest, the reason is you look quite different from your photos and when we met I realised you're not my type".
If someone said that to me I think I would be upset, but then realise that I should look at being more accurate. Perhaps the person doesn't currently realise the reason dates don't work out is because the other person is disappointed on arrival.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "being upset with my boyfriend when he told me I was laughing too loud",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for being upset with my boyfriend when he told me I was laughing too loud?
|
So I have what you might describe as a fairly loud laugh. It's not ridiculously loud, but it's noticeable and hearty at least. I also have chronic depression, among other things, so I don't usually laugh much, especially not a rib-tickling, belly-shaking, earth-shattering laugh to end all laughs. A titter or a giggle or an occasional snort is about all you'd usually get from me, however lately I've been feeling pretty good. See the thing about chronic illness is that there's often periods where your illness decides to go on cooldown for a little while. For me, this is the first time in longer than I can actually remember where I've felt energetic and hyperactive.
​
​
​
So the aforementioned boyfriend of mine and I were just finishing up a game of CIV for the night. He closed his game, I closed my game and opened reddit to browse for a bit; all was right with the world. Immediately upon opening reddit I saw a post which some of you may have seen earlier: AITA for accidentally hatching my roommate's egg? I don't know about any of you but that title, my god. It tickled me in a way that I haven't been tickled in a long time. I mean, accidental egg hatching? Hilarious. So I started laughing. It was the kind of laugh where I just let everything go, you know? It felt wonderful. I had tears rolling down my cheeks and everything. Marvellous. Not to the boyfriend though! He grunted (if you could call it a grunt), and told me in a very irritated tone that I was laughing too loud. No biggie right? Except... It was. As soon as he said that, my heart sank completely and the egg post wasn't funny anymore. Am I overreacting? Maybe.
​
For as long as I've been dating people, I've been with some really nasty men. Men who think that my personality is horribly flawed and that I need to change myself to accommodate them more. For a while I believed them, that I'm a dreadful person and that I'll never amount to anything. It sounds pathetic when I put it in writing but I was young and stupid, as cliche as it is to say that. The long and short of it is, until I met my current man, I'd never known anyone I could truly be myself with. Every version of who I am is tailored specifically to who I'm currently talking to, and it's always been that way. I found it easier to do that than to let the real me out and open to rejection. But I love my boyfriend and I've never felt more comfortable with anyone. This one thing just really upset me because the only thing I've ever wanted in a man is someone I can be completely and apologetically myself with. Knowing that I annoyed him but doing something as simple as laughing too loud... It hurt, man. Now I don't know if I can let myself go like that around him again. Of course I forgave him, but I kinda chewed him out a little bit first... AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "leaving my gf(ex) when she didn't let me host a party at my house because of the people attending",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for leaving my gf(ex) when she didn't let me host a party at my house because of the people attending?
|
I am currently second year in university, recently at the beginning of this year I made a new friend, let's call him Jin, and grew fairly close to him throughout the year. I am using my house as a venue for Jin's farewell party as he is leaving the country and has no where else to host a party.
My ex had a history of being controlling due to past issues and I have put them aside to love her as she is. However I have gotten fed up with not being allowed to socialize with people she dislikes. She especially dislikes Jin due to her being in the same highschool as him in the past. I have spoke to her repeatedly and in my eyes I can see that he has changed from the way she described him, however she refuses to believe this and still holds her opinion of him.
This past year as well I have not gone out to parties or basically meet anyone other than my ex as she gets insecure very easily. I have lost many friends due to this. You can find out more on a previous post I made on r/relationships.
I think I have reached my breaking point, but I still have doubts on the breakup. AITA for breaking up with her due to not accepting her insecurities and hosting a party even though she was against it? Was I also wrong for being friends with someone she didn't like and not respecting her opinions?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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anpoof
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{
"description": "ghosting my friend of 5 years",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
WIBTA if I ghosted my friend of 5 years?
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Friend: Kate
Ex-boyfriend: Jake
So my friend Kate (of 5 years) was on the receiving end of an emotionally abusive relationship with Jake. They dated for 3 years. Whenever you spoke with Kate she would complain about Jake. Talk about how Jake treated her poorly etc but still stuck around with Jake because “he was nice to her sometimes.” I would constantly tell Kate she could do better etc etc but it all fell on deaf ears.
Well in January (2018) Jake dumped Kate and shit hit the fan. Kate was completely heart broken and constantly begged Jake to come back. Jake then decided he would have a friends with benefits relationship with Kate while he saw other people. Kate entered the FWB relationship with Jake and is upset he is seeing other people as well.
So it is currently February 2019. For the past year Kate has talked about *nothing else* but Jake and the “problems” she has with him. I’m not even exaggerating that *every fucking conversation* I have with Kate is about Jake and, for lack of a better word, what he’s done this time and how she wishes he could just see that she loved him so much etc etc.
I feel like I have done all I can to help her. I’ve given all the advice I can give. I’ve tried to tell her she can do better and I’ve encouraged her to see other people. I’ve even hooked her up with a therapist (she says the therapy just “isn’t helping”) but this shit just seems to be getting worse. I’ve told her I’ve done all I can do and I’m sick of hearing about it because I don’t like how she’s allowing herself (I feel) to get hurt. She will talk about something else for maybe 3 minutes before “*and another thing Jake’s done*” comes back up. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve been avoiding hanging out with her because I just don’t want to hear about it and *she’s started showing up at my fucking workplace where I can’t escape to talk to me about Jake*. At this point most of our mutual friends have also stopped talking to her because all she talks about with them is also Jake.
So this brings me to my WIBTA question. I’ve just accepted a new job at a location where Kate doesn’t know and I’ve recently moved house to a new address she doesn’t know either.
WIBTA if I ghosted Kate and just disappeared?
TLDR: WIBTA if I ghosted my friend who was dumped by her abusive ex 12 months ago and still won’t make steps to get over him and won’t stop talking about him to the point of cornering me at my workplace?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not wanting to listen to rap music in my house",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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|
AITA for not wanting to listen to rap music in my house?
|
AITA for telling my stepson to either turn his music down or off this morning? When he showers he likes to have music playing. Its loud enough to where I can hear the lyrics 2 room's away.
I also really dont like hearing the n word over and over again I finally after maybe the 5th or 6th song went up stairs and said to either turn it down or off. He said nothing but did end up turning it down.
A couple minutes later he left and drove off kinda fast. I expect my wife to end up blaming me for him getting mad. So Reddit Am I The Assole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling someone they're not a virgin",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling someone they're not a Virgin?
|
So back when I was like 14 I attended this sleepaway camp.
One of the girls there would NOT stop bragging about how much she had sex and hooked up with guys. She was THIRTEEN (but that's not the point of this story).
So one day somehow our group got around to the discussion of virginity. For some reason the girl wanted to target me (for reasons unbeknownst to me).
She said, "I would rather die a Virgin than hookup with [my name]".
Group laughs, including me because haha funny joke. It didn't really hurry that much because I didn't real put feel any attraction or anything to her.
I respond with "But you're not a Virgin though".
Group laughs, including the group of girls (important). She then process to glare at me, say fuck you faggot, then storm off. We were all confused but then the group of fields went after her.
Next day all the girls were giving me the cold shoulder. Luckily it was the last day though.
So AITA? Or was this just an overreaction on her part. Remember, she would BRAG about how much sex she had.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "being annoyed with my friends liberal use of the words \"trauma\" and \"abuse\"",
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|
AITA for being annoyed with my friends liberal use of the words "trauma" and "abuse"?
|
I'll try to make this as quick as I can, and this is an alt account because my friend has my main. In short, I have a friend named B who started becoming very... sensitive the last few years. Of course, I'm not judgmental about how people express themselves, but B is very, how do I put this... Tumblr-y, if you catch my drift. We share a lot of the same opinions, so I'm not criticizing their beliefs, but I mean they're very sensitive and use words they saw a post about, and this often ends with them calling any relationship where they and their partner break up as "abusive" and "toxic".
I'm an abuse victim in several different ways, so the first time this happened I was horrified and asked B about it all, and they essentially just came back with "Well they were passive aggressive a lot" which I totally get is toxic behavior, but so far ever past relationship they've been in is now deemed "abusive". Even relationships where B was fine at first with them breaking up are now deemed abusive. Now, B has a good idea of what abuse is as their parents were pretty emotionally distant and their dad was downright emotionally manipulative, but the things B has deemed abuse in their romantic relationships is completely ridiculous.
On top of this, over the past few years they've also gained more and more mental illnesses, and now I think they say they have DID, BPD, PTSD, Bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, the list goes on. I try to leave this topic where it is because I'm not going to try and analyze someone's personal life like this, but people with BPD typically have issues with relationships and B refuses to accept that their partners aren't abusive for being a furry (literally an argument) and that the unsteady nature of their relationships could be because of their BPD.
While that's all frustrating, they also use the words trauma very liberally, and say they understand it very well but have some faulty ideals about it. I can remember one time I was talking about a character from a game we both played that was traumatized and angry, and I said I liked him because I could relate to the feeling. B started talking about how awful he was, how he was mean and a bad person, and I replied that he was obviously traumatized. B got defensive and said they KNEW how trauma worked, and they knew that's why of course, but they still thought he was bad. Weird thing to be offended by on my part, of course, but this was just the most recent example. B labels a lot of things trauma (one of their exes, The Furry, made them a fursona, so now any mention of fursonas is traumatic for B) yet often fails to recognize trauma in anyone else except really personal and common things for them.
Am I the asshole for being angry about this?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "extorting a classmate who's worried about their grade",
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|
AITA for extorting a classmate who’s worried about their grade?
|
My friends and I got paired up with a girl for a history project . This girl is very smart and is in the top ten of class. The bad thing is that she’s not doing her fair share of work. We’ve been texting her asking if she’s done with her research but she always responds that she’s busy with another activity like National Honor Society or band practice and that she doesn’t have it. I understand that because she’s in the top of the class she’s very busy but I don’t think we should have to pick up her slack. My friend decided to just do her research. Today she asked for all of the research so she can write her report but my friend has taken her name off of the project and is refusing to share the research with her. This is a big project that is worth a lot of points and I know how much her rank is worth to her so I suggested that she pay us. My friend agreed to this and she begrudgingly did so as well. My friend came up with a price but it was a lot higher than what I intended it to be but she ended up paying. There’s no risk of her reporting us because it’ll show she didn’t do the work and she’d get in trouble also but I feel like my friend asked for too much money ($110) and I’m thinking about giving my half of it back to her.
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HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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{
"description": "being rude to my girlfriend's mother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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|
AITA for being rude to my girlfriend's mother?
|
Sorry not a bombshell story but I feel guilty so I want some kind of validation one way or the other, I kinda blurt out things which is probably why I said stuff.
so basically my 19 year old girlfriend has autism and despite having wild teenage years her mom is super overprotective to the point of obsession and it really annoys me, she constantly repeats everything she says and it really gets on my nerves. At one point we were getting a lift from my friend to his house as we both don't drive. She then proceed to freak out and not let us get in the car as she believed he would be drink driving and said my friends would be stupid enough to do that, when she said that I got very offended and told her something along the lines of my friends not being that stupid. She got very offended by this and said the two of us don't respect her and to listen to what she says.
The second time something like this happened was yesterday when we asked her to get ready for something 30 minutes beforehand because we couldn't be late for it and when we went to leave she was still on the couch in the same spot she was in before. we repeated to her tonnes of times to give out and when she told us to stop repeating ourselves because it was annoying I kinda accidentally turned around and said oh my god and laughed in her face. to which she replied about how rude I was. jw if my feelings are valid, thank you
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
rkQYsiaJK69Vu1OqXkfiR0aa6MOG9pv3
|
ae8u1j
| null |
UPDATE: WIBTA if I humiliated this choir because of posts they made about me on social media?
|
Yesterday, I made a post asking if I would be the a-hole if I was to screw up this choir's performance. Today was the first rehearsal for the piece we're performing. When I got there, I talked with them about the posts they made about me. I gave them a description of how the posts were hurtful. I also told them that I would NOT substitute their fifth voice.
After a thirty minute discussion, they apologized to me and agreed to take down the rude posts. They were also ok with the fact that I wouldn't participate.
Thank you to everyone who responded to the post.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
2owPnY63bYQi0F2WiHD0v7sTGJvEdh72
|
azcafm
|
{
"description": "not caring about something deserved",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not caring about something deserved?
|
Okay, here’s some backstory. I used to be in an after school club, and had a girl I particularly disliked in this club. She never payed attention, was annoying, and a bit obsessed with makeup, despite not being able to use it. She was a year younger than me, so we’ll call her Cailyn, meaning young girl. Okay, so Cailyn was bi, which I had no issue with, until my friend told me she had a crush on me. I tried to ignore it and hoped it would go away. It didn’t.
One day, Cailyn saw me “winking at her” and confessed to me using a letter. To clarify, I have dry eyes, causing the occasional irregular blinking, it’s not bad really. This doesn’t seem bad, except for the fact that CAILYN ALREADY HAD A GIRLFRIEND!
Later that month, Cailyn complained to me about her girlfriend cheating on her. I didn’t feel sorry for her, seeing as she had confessed to a girl while in that relationship.
I still feel bad for not being sorry for her, and don’t know if I should have been sympathetic. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
2SjZZmgIZYOv7hUUsGdp5I8qXGq7bBeZ
|
aba2id
| null |
AITA: Coworker doesn't like me, trying to do my job with out making them dislike me even more.
|
Okay. I (21 F) work at a grocery store. I am a cashier, as well as, and office assistant in the cash office. Most of the cashier I work with are just out of high school or in college. A handful of cashiers are retirees. Usually the cashiers my age rarely have problems with me and when ever there is a problem we talk it out and find out how to fix it. On the other hand our older cashiers almost always end up having issues with our management or office assistants. My manager is in her 40s and our assistant manager is in her early 20s and all of our office assistants including myself are also in their early 20s. With that out of the way this what I'm wondering about.
Okay, when I got promoted to office assistant I was trained and taught how to do everything and what not. My manager also told me that when she or our assistant manager isn't there I would have to give people "talks" like for example if they mess up a WIC I'm suppose to show them the mistake and show them how to not do the same thing in the future or if they mess up a check, same thing. I don't ever talk to them in a way that would make them feel like I'm personally getting onto them, I explain that it is just something that we need to address.
So a few months ago I was working with a semi new cashier. ( retiree age) They've been there for about a month or so. It was the end of the month so everyone wanted to use their WIC. I was closing office that night so I had to fill drinks and run things to the back etc. I told her that if she needed anything to radio over and that if her radio doesn't work to use the PA. (Most of our communicators are broken and manager won't get new ones.) so I go back for about twenty minutes and come back to the front and there's a huge line. I ask her why she didn't call me and she didn't answer. I had already shut down all the tills so I politely asked her if I could take over so I could get all the customers out. Again she didn't answer me. She was doing a WIC transaction and I could tell she was having a hard time. I asked her if she needed help she said no. I asked her if she understood what something meant and she said yes. I could tell she was having a hard time. I guess she realized this and asked me to look at something and while I was at it I scanned through the rest of the customers. I apologized for taking over her register and that if she ever had any questions to please ask me. She didn't seem too happy.
Well at closing when I went to shit down the drawer and count everything, almost every WIC in her drawer was incorrect in some way. I copied all of them and then sent the originals to our WIC representative. The next day I tell my manager and she tells me that I'll have to give her the WIC talk which is basically. If we (the front end) keep messing up WIC it could be bad enough that our store will lose our WIC license. You will get fired and the company will sue you. (Many of our newer hires continuously mess up WICs. Everyone has been trained appropriately. And also any more needed training has been given.) the usual mistakes are not writing the correct amount on the WIC, writing the wrong date. Scribbling out the wrong amount to write another amount. Those don't sound too bad but the WIC office sees them as that bad and we have to follow those guidelines. Well I give the cashier the WIC talk. I tell her that it is not personal and that this is what my manager told me to tell her. That's all I said to her. A few weeks later she messages up about 6 WIC. I have to give her the same talk.
The next day I work with her, she won't speak to me. If she needs a cash loan she will ask my manager. If she needs someone to get her cigarettes out of the case for a customer she calls my manager. Anything that I clearly do she doesn't want to talk to me at all, which really gets on my managers nerves. Also if I ask her things. To go on lunch, turn on her light, she will ignore me. And usually if I ask her to do anything she goes to my manager and tells her how she doesn't was to be "bossed" around by a kid. (Me) I asked my manager politely to speak to her because even if I am young I am an office assistant and when the managers aren't there I am in charge.
Even though she doesn't like me. I still have to do my job. If I see if a WIC is messed up I have to bring it to her attention. If I have to go anywhere near her register she gets mad at me. I don't want her to get pissed every time I have to pickup cash from her drawer or what not. I feel bad that she feels this way towards me but on the other hand I have to do my job and if she doesn't like me because I have to do my job then, I don't even know. I feel like an ass.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
M2n4leMc9qSITpsgUuNUU4UUoQ7ITSTd
|
aq9hbg
|
{
"description": "telling a staff to return after my lunch break",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for telling a staff to return after my lunch break?
|
I work a full 40 hours a week, M-F at a not for profit agency who doesn’t pay me lunch.
Every day I sit at my desk and eat my lunch. Every day I have to ask someone to return after my lunch time, every day I get some kind of attitude for it. Today I’m sitting at my desk, because I can’t go anywhere else since it’s cold outside, and a staff member enters the office, see’s that I’m having lunch, acknowledges it by saying “hey I know you’re having your lunch but I have a question” then proceeds to ask me a question. I kindly ask them to please return after my lunch hour to with much dismay they say “ugh, it’s only one question I don’t understand why you have to be that way it’s one question.” So I get upset and with a little attitude and sass I tell them that “yea it’s one question but that one question takes time away from my unpaid lunch. Something you won’t understand since you get paid for yours, so please respect my time and wishes when I ask to return after my lunch time is over”. She got very upset and stormed off. I understand it’s my job to answer whatever question she may have had and I’m not doubting her question wasn’t something I couldn’t answer but I feel my unpaid time should be respected especially when I’m. Wing severely underpaid.
I just want to make sure I’m not being a complete Bitch and asshole here because the lady stormed off and slammed the office door behind her. Like the room shook from that lady’s wrath and I’m feeling a little guilty for some reason.
Anyone can offer any reasoning to my guilt? Or am I just overreacting? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
7hNtpPRIo9IP882aX0J197pCTT6DTJE4
|
aymri8
|
{
"description": "not wanting to interact with my mom's boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to interact with my mom's boyfriend?
|
Sorry for any formatting issues, I'm on mobile.
My mom recently got a boyfriend, which was back in November last year. He's a chill dude, I have almost no problems with him. Sometimes he tries to parent me around which bothers me but other than that, he has more perks.
The thing about me is that it takes me a VERY long time to adjust to new people, especially if it's someone way older and I have to live with them. That plus social anxiety and I almost avoid the person until I get adjusted to their presence. This has happened very often, and when I used to live with my extended family, I had to deal with it for ten years straight. Complete nightmare.
At the dining table, I always prefer to eat alone or with my mom. I've known my mom for, well, my entire life, compared to this guy who I've known for a measly 5 months. When he sits down to eat dinner I get extremely awkward and uncomfortable, and try my darndest to not attract attention to myself. I eat as quietly as possible and try to focus on my phone, but really I'm a sweaty son of a bitch and always have him in my peripheral vision. Sometimes I can't even get up from my chair to put away my dish in fear that he might say something.
I keep myself isolated in my room 99% of the time. He's talked to me a bit about my behavior, which he's noticed. I've told him that I have a weird fear towards him and he doesn't understand why, even after explaining my anxiety. Even after a long ass conversation about me avoiding him he still doesn't understand, but he does leave me alone. My mom is pissed at me for feeling this way, but there's nothing I can do about it.
TLDR: Don't wan't to interact with mom's boyfriend due to anxiety issues and general social awkwardness.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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|
az0gsb
|
{
"description": "not letting my fiancé's parents have a say in the guest list because they are not financially contributing to our wedding",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my fiancé's parents have a say in the guest list because they are not financially contributing to our wedding?
|
My fiancé, "Milo", and I are getting married next year. We have already started planning our wedding, and have had the "financial talk" with both of our parents. We don't have an enormous budget, and want to have a classy wedding for our guests, so therefore we have narrowed our guest list to only 115 people.
Just one problem: my fiancé's side of the family is huge, with dozens of cousins and relatives, whereas my side is more medium-sized.
After having the money talk with our families, my parents gave us $10,000 towards our wedding and my grandparents gifted $5,000. I was initially thinking they would gift less but they were very kind and really want Milo and I to have the wedding of our dreams. The talk with Milo's parents, however, did not go as well. They criticized our budget and made clear that they would not help contribute financially to our wedding. I was surprised by this 1) because they have always gotten along well with me and are very supportive of Milo and I's relationship and 2) Milo is their only child, and this is the only wedding they will be able to be actively involved in.
So... here's where it gets tricky. In order to maintain our budget we have chosen to cut down the guest list from Milo's large side of the family. Milo's parents are not happy about this, as they want all of their brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews to attend our wedding. But personally, Milo and I don't think it is very fair for my side of the family (my parents and grandparents) to pay for his entire side of the family to come. We are still trying to make the guest list 50/50 (half from his side and half from mine), but that leaves out a lot of his side of the family. I feel that if Milo's parents want more of their large side of the family to attend, they should at least help contribute financially towards the cost of extra guests. If Milo's parents had their way, the guest list would nearly double. But for now, Milo and I are deciding the guest list and giving my parents a say in who they would like to attend.
What do you all think? AITA for not letting my future in-laws have a say in the guest list? I do feel very bad about this situation, I would love to have everyone at my wedding if I could, but the cost is the main issue.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ccqwi8LiLzWZ6vrVJkkJmxlh6vdHm9aJ
|
azc83p
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my bf because of my brother",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I (M19) broke up with my bf (M22) because of my brother (M16)?
|
Throwaway because all of my friends know my real account. Sorry for the formatting, I'm on mobile. If you see any mistakes feel free to correct me, English isn't my first language.
So some background, my little brother and me are actually half brothers, but neither of our fathers were ever in the picture. My mom was super young when she had us and she never actually wanted kids, so she dumped us with our grandfather and only occasionally visited.
Now, my grandpa is an amazing man but he worked full time and never really had much time for us, so me and my brother were always super close. We always felt like it was us two against the world.
My bro is best friends with this kid, B, they've know each other for a couple of years and instantly connected.
Now, B has a huge family, and I've never been able to keep track of all of them, I'd seen him around before but 5 months ago was the first time I actually had a conversation with B's eldest brother. We hit I off right away, he's funny, charming and we share a lot of hobbies. We started hanging out, and I'm not sure when hanging out turned into dating but we just kinda fell into it.
A week ago he asked me to be his bf officially, I was over the moon. However, B found out yesterday when I came to their house and he went ballistic. He told I had turned his brother into a faggot and stuff like that (the bf is bi, but hadn't come out to his family).
My bf and I basically ran out of the house to escape him, but after twenty minutes into lunch I told him I was too uncomfortable, that he had to go back and figure things out with B. He agreed, we paid the check and we went our separate ways.
When I got home my bro was furious, he told me B had texted him about the situation and accused me of ruining their friendship. He told me I had to break up with B's or he'd never speak to me again. He then went into his room, slammed the door and won't speak to me no matter how much I plead, it's been about two hours.
I'm thinking about breaking up with my bf because I feel like if I don't I'll lose my little brother forever, but it also feels like a betrayal to him.
So Reddit, WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
DiWtrp5BoQbMhtnYoABczyoxE2EylrwM
|
avx8ex
|
{
"description": "preventing my \"friend\" from getting a job wity me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for preventing my "friend" from getting a job wity me.
|
About a year ago I got a job at a movie theater, it was a great job over the summer but the hours were long and late. When the school year came around it was too much and was interfering with my school work so I wanted to quit. At this time a girl I was "Friends" with started talking about getting a job and asked me about my work. I honestly can't stand her she's one of those teenage "hypebeasts" who only care about expensive clothes and that's all she'd talk about. I didn't know if I wanted to quit or not but I didn't want her working beside me due to her being so annoying. So I said something that was technically true she stole something in my lunch the first day I saw her (Kool aid pouch so you know how mad I'd be) so I embellished it and said she stole something of mine. She applied and thought it was super weird she didn't get a job and I didn't say anything. Am I the asshole?
TDLR: I prevented a "friend" from working with me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
1BEdVaoo0pVRlyt4TIByWia0tgD02Otq
|
atyms2
|
{
"description": "being upset over getting called out",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being upset over getting called out?
|
So one of my friend groups has a FB messenger group chat. We post in there and I probably post about 50% more than anyone else because I throw in 2-3 memes a day. I don't put anything offensive because this isn't the group for that. I routinely get a couple emotes on my posts and never had any complaints or obvious annoyance on account of them.
Today I got into some banter with a specific friend, texts going back an forth... Maybe a total of 8. Then all of a sudden the leader of the group, a pretty close friend of mine says "MY_NAME_HERE DO YOU WANT ME TO BAN YOU?" and I think it's a joke on account of the subpar meme.
I give a thumbs up emote and she says "Do you think I was joking?" and sends me a DM saying that my "constant posting" was upsetting "everyone".
I'm not upset that she doesn't like me posting so much, I don't mind changing something so minor. I am, however, very upset at the way she handled this. I was never given any hint or suggestion that I post too much by anyone, I get positive responses for setting up plans and posts among the group. She should have told me to ease off if she was uncomfortable instead of going to 0-100 in front of everyone....... Or am I The Asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
0oYSt7CURwlbp8XaqgeLUBuAQ5EjGicU
|
alt9t6
|
{
"description": "not wanting to participate",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to participate?
|
I am 15 and my brother is 14. My mom paid for me, my brother, and her to go to a Korean spa and sauna which was a new experience is for me and my brother. There are a handful of rooms to sit in lay in for some time and then in each locker room there is a hot tub area where you have to be naked to go inside. We went to each of the rooms and then my mom wanted me to go to the hot tub area with her which I refused. I’m not overweight but my mom has made comments on my weight before saying that I should watch what I eat and just small comments. I told her that I felt uncomfortable being naked around other naked people and felt uncomfortable with nudity especially from other people, it’s weird but that’s how I am. My mom wasn’t happy at all saying that “it’s the best part” of the place and saying she wasted money despite my brother, me, and her going into the other rooms. I then told her I’d wait for her if she wanted to go into the hot tub area herself in which she got irritated even more. In the end we left and she was annoyed. So, am I the asshole for not wanting to go into the hot tub area that my mom paid for in the experience?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Bs3OHQT5bJUIFHM97Rx9FGflKMBUzJSa
|
at8mau
|
{
"description": "buying a fleshlight and subsequently making my girlfriend cry",
"pronormative_score": 52,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for buying a fleshlight and subsequently making my girlfriend cry?
|
Alright please bear with me, we've been dating for about 3 months and it's been going great, I really like her a lot but we can't have sex.
She suffers from Vaginismus which basically a condition where muscles in or around the vagina shut tightly, making sex painful or impossible.
I should note she *never* mentioned this to me once before we attempted, I don't really expect someone to tell me this on the first date but at some point, it would've been appreciated.
It's about a week into the relationship and she invites me over, one thing leads to another etc etc
We're in the bedroom and it just isn't happening, she looks close to tears so I immediately stop and ask what's wrong, did I do something?
She then explains her condition and I tell her it's alright and we stop for the night.
Since I now know about this, I don't initiate sex at all, I wait for her to lead, not all days are the same and some days are better than others.
A week later we try again and it's the same story, so we just mess around, do oral, cuddle etc
I suggest we go to the doctors as she's been too shy to go before now, we go together and they show us some relaxation techniques and some exercises that can help you gain control over the muscles.
She's given herself a strict exercise routine that's she's stuck too for nearly a month now.
She's feeling confident so we try again, it's better than it was before but I can tell she isn't enjoying it and it just makes me feel bad when she's noticeably uncomfortable, so I stop.
I thought to myself this is likely going to be a long term thing so I thought about maybe using some toys to spruce it up a little while she works on her exercises.
I order a fleshlight and don't tell her, I wanted to surprise her, I also picked up some small toys for her that she could enjoy.
She invites me around the weekend like she normally does and I bring my new gifts, I explain we could maybe try them out and see if we can enjoy ourselves in other ways.
Well, she flips the fuck out and starts crying and screaming at me, I was taken aback, I didn't expect this type of reaction at all.
Her main argument was "Am I not good enough for you!??!" and "How do you think this makes me feel?" She didn't really just say much else, just continued to bawl her eyes out. She runs upstairs and slams the door. I try and talk it over but she's having non of it.
Honestly, I'm kinda annoyed, I thought I was doing every right, I've supported her continuously through this and she has the cheek to say I don't care.
I got up, left and went home, I haven't heard from her since.
It's been 2 days, I left a text asking if she wanted to talk, no reply.
Did I do something wrong? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 32,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 52,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
RIGHT
|
zNp7w4m6LbeHEFNq600ne4rJYz2BFa8e
|
auajj4
|
{
"description": "minimizing contact with my friend over his behavior",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for minimizing contact with my friend over his behavior?
|
I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years and we are both students but in different universities. Naturally, when I got into uni I made a lot of new friends. I started to get along with this one guy at the start of my second year. My boyfriend met most of my friends but had not had the opportunity to meet this specific guy until this last new year’s eve (this will matter later in the story). We are in our third year and the situation started to change. I loved my group of friends and got along really well with everybody including this guy. Somewhere along the second semester of last year I started to get the impression he likes me but I quickly called myself crazy as he is aware I have a boyfriend and how long we’ve been together. But even so, he started to have a weird behavior I was not ok with. For example, one time we were out to a cabin with friends and we shared rooms. I shared a room with him and another good friend (3 different beds). One night I drunkenly passed out on my bed only to wake up in the morning and see he squeezed his way in bed with me. When I confronted him, he blamed the booze. Another major situation was when we partied at a friend’s house that lives outside the city so we had no means of getting home without paying an arm and a leg for uber/taxi so we spent the night there. He casually asked me if he could hold me during the night like it was a normal and appropriate question to ask me to which I obviously replied no. He even met my boyfriend before this last situation on our new year’s eve trip with a bunch of uni friends where I also brought my boyfriend so he saw how evidently in love we were so I really don’t understand why he does such things. Apart from these things, there are also flirty jokes and minor things I am not ok with. He has no respect for my relationship and I take it as a lack of respect for me as well.
So I started to put some distance between us, we are still friends and all but I started texting him less or only if it was necessary, I purposely don’t sit near him at social events or in class but otherwise have normal conversations.
AITA for doing this? This obviously changed our relationship entirely as before I considered him one of my best friends and we would hang out and talk a lot more.
TL:DR My friend has an inappropriate behavior towards me so I distanced myself from him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
3nzG7GI5g2qLTHJ0vgBjxWUyIYVayKlg
|
9xqfj1
|
{
"description": "answering questions literally instead of telling the asker what they want to know",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for answering questions literally instead of telling the asker what they want to know?
|
Okay, so I'm a fourth generation Korean American. I don't know a lick of any languages other than English and a bit of Spanish I learned in school. I've never been to Korea, nor do I want to go. My dad is the only person in my family who speaks any Korean or has been to Korea. And the only thing I know about Korean culture is what other people tell me. In short, I'm only Korean by blood and nothing else. I don't bring it up and I don't act any different from an average American, but I still always invariably get The Question from coworkers/strangers/Tinder peeps. Now, The Question comes in many different forms, but it's purpose is to elicit my ethnic background.
Here are some forms The Question takes and how I answer them. (These are actually what people say)
* "Where are you from?" Los Angeles
* "No, I mean, where were you born?" Los Angeles
* "No, like, where are you REALLY from?" ...Los Angeles
* "Where are your parents from then?" Well my mom was born in Los Angeles, but my dad is from Houston...
* "What's your nationality?" American
* "What kind of Asian/Chinese are you?" Asian American. No Chinese. (note: There are many people who are convinced that 'Asian' and 'Chinese' are interchangeable)
* (my personal favorite) "What are you?" Yeah, let me sum up my entire existence and identity with my race...
Having had this conversation at least once a week since I was a kid, I know exactly what the asker mean by the first question. I know I'm being cheeky, but this question always rubs me the wrong way. It's also kinda funny/sad to see people try to find different ways to ask this question so I let it run as long as they keep trying. And I only tell them the literal answer of the question they ask. Yesterday (after about three failed attempts at The Question) a coworker said that I was being rude since I knew what she was asking. My rationale for my behavior was that if they do want to know this information about me, they should be able to ask the right questions. It's not that hard. 'What's your ethnicity/ethnic background' is perfectly fine. I feel like all those other forms of The Question innately make the person being asked The Question seem more 'different' or 'foreign'. So, AITA for answering someone's questions literally instead of telling them what they want to know?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
HLBSFKkXvj9rT7pl9E2Yk96AdRW5ceQT
|
b8quu9
| null |
AITA guitar string thing.
|
So. I was playing with someone else’s guitar. Another friend (not the owner) wanted to play with said guitar. I handed it to him. 5 seconds later, the string broke. He blamed me. We settled to share 50% of the costs. I think he should have paid 100% am I the asshole for thinking he should pay 100% of the costs?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
gOzUhB9M5AgGaClFG4VM9xdfscbP6aPe
|
a9bas5
|
{
"description": "getting upset that my gf's coworker slapped her butt when she thinks it's a joke",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting upset that my gf's coworker slapped her butt when she thinks it's a joke?
|
So my girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and have been for nearly half a year. Everything has been as great as a much as a long distance relationship can be. So I was at a family get together for Christmas Eve while she went to work and when I was about to leave she texts me "(male coworker's name) spanked my butt." I thought she was upset about it because, to me and probably most workplace environments, that's sexual assault. After asking her if she was okay and if she said anything about it, I got back an "I'm alright lol." She played it off like it didn't mean anything to her. Her male coworker is gay if that means anything to the story. This may be an excuse she has for it to be "okay." I let her know that I think he is getting too comfortable and that I was upset by what happened, not necessarily upset at her. I chose my words carefully but that is all I said about it initially.
​
This was met with her being defensive. She said that I was blaming her for what happened and that I was mad at her specifically. I tried to tell her that I was upset about what happened but she was mad at me for being upset. From my perspective, I have no idea how she wanted me to react. It made me feel like I'm not allowed to be upset and I know that she would react the same way if we were switched. I don't know if I'm being a jealous significant other or not anymore, I feel like I'm the bad guy now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TWFFR5wDqilsTHLDolFgqtCKfnJdGbb9
|
aen9g7
|
{
"description": "not wanting a friend to spend a week at my apartment",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting a friend to spend a week at my apartment?
|
Some context:
I lived in a house where I had four other roommates, and I got the short straw and got the room with no door. (Just a curtain suspended above the door frame.) One of my roommates started bringing her boyfriend over, more and more. Until eventually he just stayed there all the time and never paid rent, always ate our food, had *very* loud sex, and was basically just an asshole. Everything was as okay as it could get until I started noticing things out of place and stuff knocked over, I always just chalked it up to the animals in the house (One dog, three cats) but I kept note of it. Later, when I returned home from work one night, and went into my room, it looked like I had been robbed. Clothes everywhere, dresser/TV knocked over, the whole nine yards.
This definitely wasn't an animal.
​
I later learned that one of my roommate's cats that she was cat sitting got out and hid under my dresser and they had to move everything to get it. They didn't bother cleaning anything up. As I was cleaning it I noticed that money, games, and other stuff has gone missing. I confronted them about it and they played dumb and said they didn't know, so I told them I'm moving out.
​
Now here we are, I just moved into a new apartment with one roommate this time. Today, they came up to me and asked if one of their friends can stay a week at our place. I'm not sure if I like that idea because I just experienced the above or if I'm just being overly-sensitive/protective of my things.
​
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
AeMhR2dAnzw0ZaiqlGya6IEsEzH7Y0XD
|
b4bbpo
|
{
"description": "making a girl at the gym think I was creeping on her",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making a girl at the gym think I was creeping on her?
|
I recently moved into my own apartment instead of living in the dorms, and have begun going to a new gym.
So, I went to the new gym for the first time after classes tommorow. The women in question here, let's call her Julia (idk her name) was at the gym at the same time. Coincidentally, I was following her a lot, waiting for her to finish using the bench press, machine fly, and the pull-up bar. I'm guessing we just had the same routine.
But she seems to think I was following her. When she finished using the pull-up bar and saw me behind her for the 3rd time, she accused me of following her/creeping on her. I said I wasn't and pointed out we most likely just had the same routine. She denied this and got a bit louder. This was kind of embarrassing for me, and I asked her to please not make a scene because people are watching. She just stormed off.
For the rest of my workout people were kind of sneaking looks at me. This makes me wonder, was I doing anything wrong? I honestly feel too embarrassed to go back there.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
dIby5lVdFVF5fnXYFd5NKFtBJ1D6waA2
|
azyy7y
|
{
"description": "not changing my hair for my sister's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 91,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not changing my hair for my sister's wedding
|
Let me just preface this, I am extremely happy for my sister to be getting married. She and her hubby to be are getting married in September of this year and I will be her bridesmaid!
\--
I recently dyed my hair black. My natural hair is a very dark brown. Nothing major, right?
Today I received a call from my sister saying she does not want me to redye my hair before the wedding so the black can fade out. Mind you it's only been black for about 2 weeks now. She does not want me to have black hair on her wedding day. I explained how black is not that simple, it will not just fade and if I left it, the roots would grow out. I dyed my hair so it would look its best, not it's worst (how it would with roots showing!)
She blamed it on my mum saying I would look too "gothic" and pale in pictures as their chosen colour is dark red. I then messaged my mum stating I will not be deciding my hair colour for the next 5 months because of 1 day. She asked if I could just dye it red or something other than black. I refused and said I would be keeping it black. I have now upset both my sister and my mum over my hair choices.
I personally love having my hair black and it does not seem like a major colour change to me. Mum already expressed her distaste of it when I saw her last. I am a 25 year old woman, I should be able to make my own hair decisions.
​
Am I being the asshole here?
Should I just dye my hair to make them both happy?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 85,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 91,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
wZV1fVTM7d1EaL1EvMKP5lHpfctGGTk7
|
abxdkr
|
{
"description": "asking things to calm down",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking things to calm down?
|
Ok, so everything started on a weekend with friends, we were planning what to do on the next day. Two girls who one is my brother's gf and the other is a dear friend's gf were asking for all of us to go to a motel to relax and be on the jacuzzi. The rest of us weren't that much into the idea so we were proposing other stuff and my brother's gf, let's call her Alexa, began getting angry and demanding to go to the motel or else she would go with my friend's gf, who we will call Louise...
My bf, who we will call Ismael, his friend, Antonio and my brother, Gustavo, have been friends since they were kids and Antonio said Ismael is the voice of reason (who he normally is) and that we should listen to him. and Alexa said: "He's not mine" in an angry voice and was secretly saying things to Louise at the same time they were looking at me (I've been having problems with Louise about other stuff but we were trying to work it out) so I began to feel angry and uncomfortable with this situation since the motel proposition.
So, Ismael said... "Look, we're just trying to have a good time, there's no need for this to get out of hand." Alexa then said: "You can shut up because I'm just asking to go to a motel and no one is backing me up." This is the moment she crossed the limit for me and I said: "You need to back off and chill, we're organizing something for all of us to enjoy, so tone it down girl" She answered: "Don't mess with me, because I'm talking to Ismael, not you." I then stood up and got near her screaming things that I honestly don't remember because how angry I was. Ismael just took me from the arm and told me to calm down.
My brother was also asking Alexa to calm down but she just wasn't listening and this is the same thing for every situation that doesn't go her way. Anyway, we left (from my parents house lol) and didn't go out with my brother and Alexa. Since then, things have been tense between her and me and honestly it makes me furious everytime I have to spend time with her but she's family... I don't want to be "the bigger person" because she was being a bitch to everyone in that reunion. Louise and I don't talk anymore, I gave up on that relationship.
Were we wrong for not listening to her? Should my brother have calmed her down? Should I have not been angry over something (someone) so stupid and retarded?
Sorry if I made an error, I was translating from Spanish to English all the discussion, it was a bit more intense than it sounds lol
​
So... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
M1GlZGcjcMK3swPpIHJID46gX0bgECBa
|
b0i99n
|
{
"description": "playing poker with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA- For playing poker with my friend?
|
Plot twist- not a throwaway!
Cut to this evening. My friend FakeName and I, two poor college kids, are hanging out without anything to do. He just learned to play Texas Hold Em poker so we decided to sit down and play for a bit. At the beginning, we didn’t play any stakes, just for fun.
Now I don’t want to toot my horn or anything, but I know what I’m doing when I play poker. I’ve studied the statistics, game theory strategy, and played a lot online and live. I’m not like a god or anything but I really enjoy it and have put a decent amount of time into improving my play.
So when FakeName suggested put some skin in the game, I happily agreed. It wasn’t anything crazy, just whoever wins gets a drink from the loser. He won the first game, and we upped the prize pool to two drinks. We went back and forth like this for a few games (1 on 1 they lasted 10-20 minutes each).
Eventually I started to pull away. FakeName is very new to the game, and he was making all the amateur mistakes. He only bet when he felt good about his hand, and he called my bets way too much when he was “just hoping for that one card to come out!” He had some physical tells too- big eyes when his card came, fingering his chips when he just couldn’t wait to bet. In other words- very easy to exploit.
This is where I feel bad. Instead of stopping while I was marginally ahead (2-3 drinks), I said yes when he asked the chance to go double or nothing. I won. I said I was willing to let him go double or nothing until he won or we was ready to stop; before we know it, an hour has gone by and he’s down 40 drinks. Yeah, 40. That’s like $200 and waaay more than we should have been wagering given our stations in life.
What makes it worse is that we had joked earlier that we were both the kind of people who couldn’t give up on a bad thing- that if we found ourselves in a hole we had the tendency to dig ourselves deeper trying to get out. Then two hours later the exact thing has happened to him, with me knowingly profiting off of his bad decisions.
I know FakeName is a grown adult and he hopefully learned a good lesson, but I can’t help but feel like I should have kept it from getting to where it did. He’s definitely going to want to pay me what he technically owes even though I don’t really care enough to try and enforce a dumb debt like that.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
R9tK6YpT3SZB3q954MltJ1Tvmy8aSMrs
|
akaen6
|
{
"description": "taking chips from my brother when he lied about it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking chips from my brother when he lied about it?
|
Key
Eldest brother (one who I took chips from) EB
Middle brother (who moaned at me afterwards) MB
And me Is me
On weekends me and my 2 brothers (who are autistic so that may have influenced their actions) Get pizza for Saturday evening and Sunday morning. Last week we found out they are serving cheesy chips (me and EB both love those) so MB and EB said they were going to order it around 8pm (5pm at the time) so I went for a nap and when I woke up they had just ordered pizza at which point they said they didn't order cheesy chips. So I went for a nap when MB woke me saying pizza was there so I go downstairs and get my 2 sides when I notice there's one extra side So I ask "did you really not get cheesy chips?" I take my sides upstairs as I prefer my pizza cold so I finished my sides, browsed reddit and slept. I wake up at 6AM and go to check the receipt, Sure enough cheesy chips were on there at which point I open the box to see that they were untouched so I ate them (EB eats his own pizza and still is hungry enough to eat mine) so I took 3 slices of pizza and the cheesy chips and eat it all. 1 hour later EB comes upstairs calling me a "pig" when he is twice the size of me, because I had his pizza I get mad and tell him to stuff it. EV comes back with 2 slices of my pizza and eats it as loud as possible saying he's going to have all my pizza MB tells me I'm in the wrong because I shouldn't have eaten it. I tell him that he and EB lied to me and I'm just having what I deserve. Calls me a horrible person and goes to sleep.
TL;DR EB and MB lie about my favourite side and get mad when I take the food the next morning and eat it
So Am I The Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
DercBOzXfOy9l0GdkZENDkhawbyEXrvC
|
b6a0is
|
{
"description": "Dumping Soda on a Guy at the movies",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA For Dumping Soda On a Guy at the Movies?
|
So when I was 16 I had just gotten my first girlfriend and having a car and it being summer we went to a midnight movie at our local theater. When we walked into the theater to my girlfriend's and I delight we were the only ones there and went right to the back row. Well, as the movie started playing three guys walked in but its whatever they're sitting towards the front and there's still 15 empty rows between us. 10 minutes into the movie though one of the guys gets up and starts walking up the stairs and sits to the right of my gf who is to the right of me. This itself wasn't a problem because I saw the trolling humor in sitting next to two high schoolers in a theater to ruin their back row privacy but what was a problem was his stench... Even walking up the stairs I could tell his long hair was super greasy and unkempt and when he sat down it smelled like he just hopped out of a bath of rotten eggs and put on his dead whale deodorant after getting off a 12 hour shift of shoveling cow shit. I visibly gagged at the first whiff and he was even one seat away from me leaving my poor gf to take the full brunt. 15 minutes pass and its become completely unbearable. My gf leans over and asks if we can leave which I quickly agree with. As we stood up to leave we had to walk past him and being 16 and thoroughly annoyed at this point I thought the only logical thing to do was take the lid off our large soda and dump it on him as we walked by. Saying he was pissed would be an understatement but I didn't care and told him "Maybe this will finally get you to take a shower" and walked out with him fuming and his friends laughing. My gf thought it was a little unnecessary but wasn't mad about it either and years later I reflect on that night and wonder AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
yCDcc3esz5uARH7zIr7SGDu6F8DV7KBy
|
as1c0g
|
{
"description": "not wanting to help out my friend financially",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help out my friend financially?
|
Background: This guy is an old friend from high school. He is not well off financially. I have known him from the 8th grade.
Whenever and I mean whenever we go out, I pay for food, drinks and tickets(including for him) Been doing this for 6 years at least. At this point, he expects me to pay for him.
He has paid for my food less than 4 times in these 6 years. I remember paying for his movie tickets on HIS birthday coz he didn't get enough money to spend.
He used to have a part time job earning a respectable amount, I guess he gave it to his family to meet house expenses, because I haven't seen even a penny from that money.
His behaviour towards me is fine, he respects me and my family but when I sometimes bluff that I don't have money, he hangs out with some other mutual friends(who stay near his place).
As a conservative estimate I guess I have spent $1000 on him.
Current situation:
His sisters wedding is this month and his family has to pay the expenses ( We are Indians, staying in India). So the family is in an even bigger financial crunch.
This week his mom got ill with Swine flu, which has even impacted them further.
A mutual friend told me that he requires money, and that he broke down while asking. (He hasn't approached me directly for money yet)
But our friend group has asked me to donate if possible. I really don't feel like.
Be blunt Reddit, Am I the asshole here?
I don't earn yet. All of the money I spend is given to me by my mother. If I were to donate to him, I would have to ask my mom for this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
57up63eXxHWdoKjiB2Zxl3y3xR1ytv2I
|
aybii0
|
{
"description": "using the disabled loos at work",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for using the disabled loos at work?
|
I've seemed to always have done this. I just prefer a bit more space when I'm doing my biz.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
CEhtfy5FSbUCCrzUgZAY4KGabnqQaqXS
|
aysrq0
| null |
AITA
|
so this happened today and a few of my friends say i should NOT have done this.
a bit of backstory: i havent known this girl (who we will call friend) long, maybe a few months? well i know she’s a complete sweetheart with a big heart and wants to do the right thing.
so heres the story.
friend and another friend (Friend2) were talking in this room connected to my classroom. seeing as class hasn’t started yet, i checked on them and stayed with them (they allowed it.). f was crying about how her boyfriend was feeling upset, very upset and has access to guns weapons. supposedly (i say this due to the fact i havent seen if this is true or not.) he has bruises and other things on his hands and wrists now. Friend2 and i pushed her to tell the office so they went. i told them to talk to our school officer (which they didn’t.) and tell him he has weapons. i currently feel bad due to a lot of people saying i should’ve let it be, but i feel horrible. friend loves him a lot and just wants the best for him so i tried to help. please help.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
vYKkbZHmb5GG8cVPvRyfJUN37L2QllPy
|
ael0ab
|
{
"description": "hating my mom's boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hating my mom's boyfriend?
|
so my mom has been dating this guy, let's call him R, for about a year and a half now. i really don't understand what she sees in him.
they met while she was trying to leave my ex-stepdad. R and my mom didn't become romantically involved until after the deal with ex-stepdad was over and done with, but R did give us a place to stay while my ex-stepdad was packing up his stuff to leave. don't get me wrong, i'm grateful to him for that, but that's not what this is about.
see, R and i tend to clash. a lot. it's been happening more and more recently. he has almost no social skills and has to make insensitive smartass comments all the time to me and my mom. that, and he's really judgmental about people who drink. my mom is by no means an alcoholic. she only has one or two drinks a night before she goes to bed to wind down and relax. she never gets violent or confrontational, and doesn't prioritize having a drink over her own family. she never drinks and drives and is very responsible about the whole thing.
R, however, feels the need to make snide comments to her every time she has even one. god forbid she has two. he actually said "you're having ANOTHER ONE?" to her just because she decided to have two. this has caused many fights between them, and despite both of us asking him to stop, he never does.
R also makes these types of comments to me, so most of the time i just stay in my room. when i do talk to him, it's almost like he tries to pick a fight with me, and mom has to intervene. one time the internet was out when i needed it for homework. he made fun of me and said "what are you going to do if the internet suddenly goes out forever?" and no matter how many times i tried to explain that i needed it for homework, he wouldn't shut up about how addicted to technology i was.
despite all of this, my mom loves R very much and always tells me that he's really a nice guy, despite all the arguments. it always makes me feel super guilty because i can't stand him, but she seems happier with him than she ever did with my ex-stepdad. am i the asshole for feeling the way i do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
VZ3cA79gjBEMwb5fNj6iVXY8C0REe66F
|
afdc0j
|
{
"description": "considering leaving my relationship, being my boyfriend can be so rude and hurt my feelings when Im drunk",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for considering leaving my relationship, being my boyfriend can be so rude and hurt my feelings when Im drunk?
|
Long story cut short-
I've been with my partner for 6.5 years, & he's always struggled with having an addictive personality. 3ish years ago he got into using cocaine while out drinking. No big deal for me anymore, ex police based career so was super narrow minded, I now make an effort to be more open.
Cocaine began to become a bit of a problem, so I've tried to help him slow down/quit. Here's the issue, since he started trying to slow down on coke, when he's just drunk he's now really nasty.
He's called me trash, an idiot, stupid, twat, and been told to fuck off multiple times, all within 2019.
He doesn't mean it, he loves me, but it hurts and idk if it's a asshole thing to walk out of after so many years and so many hurdles. I've tried talking to him, but it's not made much different once he's drunk he's nasty.
Thanks!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
AbdfS1C5dcQujiaZq44Ydvg1Y6tBx2PK
|
azl9ca
|
{
"description": "not helping my brother, even though I could've done easily",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping my brother, even though i could've done easily
|
A little backstory:So, my brother and I were always close. He used to be one of my best mate. At age of 17, he became a victim of alcohol and drugs. He stole things from his own family (his Uncle and Aunt, his mom and dad died when he was younger). I stopped talking to him after the stealing incident. In December, 2018 he wanted to change so, he came back to his Uncle and Aunt and asked them to forgive him. He then ran away from there just after 1 month without telling anyone. No contact, no information.
Now this happened today: he messaged me on Instagram saying that he needs money urgently. He didn't told me what would he do with the money. It wasn't a huge amount, but I told him I can't give him at this moment.
I am feeling bad now, because he have helped me previously when we were close. I think he would have done something if it was me in his position. Or what if he actually needed money for something important? AITA for not helping him?
|
HISTORICAL
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b4o0dq
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{
"description": "using both earbuds in public while listening to music",
"pronormative_score": 55,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for using both earbuds in public while listening to music?
|
I was at target trying on a pair of heels, I have my earbuds while I shop/go around (I take it off if I have to talk to a cashier or employee).
This lady is passing by and she has one airpod, she says something and all I can see is her mouth moving, then I remove one earbud and tell her that I’m sorry but I couldn’t hear her.
She looks angry and says that she likes the shoes I’m trying on, I thank her and kind of try to break the tension by mentioning her airpod and that I may get a pair, she seems even more angry now and says “yeah but I only have one in public because I’m not rude”. The whole thing was weird and it felt a little passive aggressive.
Here’s my reasons..
1. I listen to music in public to kind of be in my own zone, wearing only one earbud would be pretty worthless for that
2. I usually have a focus when I go shopping, I hate listening to strangers conversations, kind of distracts me
3. It may sound silly but I also use it to avoid random men flirting with me sometimes, I’ve had even store employees do that so it bothers me.
4. I feel that listening to music makes me relax, I’m a bit of an anxious person so it helps
I’ve never thought it’s an issue, I feel that I don’t owe random people my attention (unless they’re an employee or something), the only times I think it could be an issue is if I’m in the way (but I’m a small woman and my anxiety always makes me really aware so I’m never standing in a path).
Am I wrong about of of this? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aeqe2o
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{
"description": "telling this girl losing a dog is not the same as losing a child",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 46
}
|
AITA for telling this girl losing a dog is not the same as losing a child?
|
This happened about a week ago and I'm currently dealing with the repercussions of it.
I work in an office environment. Came into work one morning and as I passed our break room, I saw through the window on the door one of my colleagues, a girl in her early 20s (we'll call her kate), was crying in there. Two of my other colleagues were there comforting her too.
I continued to my desk and got on with working. When one of the other colleagues passed by I asked what was wrong with Kate, out of curiosity. My colleague tells me Kate's dog had died. I had honestly thought it would be something way worse judging by how hysterically upset Kate had looked.
Anyway, I got on with my day. Fastforward to later, I'm on my break making a coffee. I see that Kate is doing the same, so I take the opportunity to give her my condolences because she still looked upset. She thanked me and we got talking a little, and she was telling me how she'd had this dog for *such* a long time and how it was *so* hard to deal with the loss. I humored her until she came out with something along the lines of "I feel like I've lost a child".
I snapped at this point. I found it extremely disrespectful to anyone who's lost a child. And to compare something as precious as a child to a dog is ridiculous to me. I said something like "No offense but are you seriously comparing losing a pet to losing a child?" and she seemed speechless, presumably guilty. I explained to her, quite calmly under the circumstances, why this was wrong and how insulting it was, etc. She starts crying again and walks out.
I shrug it off and assume that's the end of it. Until later that night when I receive a message from another colleague telling me how AWFUL I am for pointing out that a child is worth more than a dog. I was removed from my work group chat, and several people actually deleted me as a friend.
Back to the present day, I have now basically been exiled from the group. Most people at work are not talking to me unless they have to discuss something work related. I am not invited out for lunch anymore. Also for context the people doing this are the younger people in our office. They were already cliquey and I believe they already disliked me and have used this as an opportunity to gang up on me. What makes me more angry though is the fact that some of the more mature people in the office have also seemingly taken their side too.
While I can see that I may have been slightly insensitive to get frustrated with her while she was still upset, because she clearly has some emotional issues, I don't think it warrants the entire workforce turning against me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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xyzgI6xxYfKLRmTPgxcg4HYffJUyQXzH
|
b0inch
|
{
"description": "wanting to have a backup plan for a group trip",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to have a backup plan for a group trip?
|
We’re a group of four friends (myself, X, Y, and Z) who were planning on taking a trip together. Y let us know that his aunt offered to let us stay at her house at the location where we’re headed free of charge. This sounded like a great deal, except for the fact that we know how Y is with his money. I’d hate for us to plan out this entire trip and then Y not be able to go last minute because he didn’t save up enough, meaning that myself, X, and Z would be out of a place to stay. I’m not 100% sure that we’d be able to book a hotel room in time if this happened.
That’s when X and I started talking about having a backup plan in the event that this happened. We talked about potentially booking a place ahead of time and then cancelling if it turns out that Y could go on this trip. We kept the idea to ourselves for a while because Y is a very stubborn, defensive person and had the potential to get angry and completely drop the idea of a trip if one of us brought up our concerns.
X decided to tell Y tonight about the backup plan for the trip. She talked about how we know how he is with money and how we’re concerned that he wouldn’t be able to come due to a lack of funds. Exactly what I thought would happen happened and Y essentially told X to fuck off and now Y doesn’t want to come anymore.
Z says that we should’ve been up front with Y about the fact that we’re concerned about his financial situation in the beginning. Looking back, I agree with Z. It was wrong of us to make plans behind their backs, but I felt like if we brought up any criticism of Y’s spending habits he’d shut down and want to pull out of the trip which is exactly what happened. X says that we shouldn’t feel bad for being cautious. I still feel guilty though. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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aye7xq
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{
"description": "not paying rent at my girlfriend's house",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not paying rent at my girlfriend's house?
|
About 8 months ago I was living in my hometown 2.5 hours away from my girlfriend. She quite literally begged me to move in with her, but I didn't want to give up the job I had making and saving money while living at home for free. She persisted, and said I could live with her rent free, as well. Knowing this would lead to resentment, I pointed out how it might be troublesome. Nevertheless, she convinced me and I packed up my things and moved. I started working at a convenient store making minimum wage to try and save money toward the next lease we actually were signing together. After a few months, she demanded I pay some rent. We fought about it a little, but I ultimately decided to pay her 100 bucks a month out of her 550.
2 months have gone by, and now I'm not paying enough rent - she wants more than 100 (her initial request). I also split groceries with her and dog food for our 2 dogs. Now, as I mentioned before, I'm working for minimum wage and part time while I look for a job. If I could get more hours at the store, I would, but there are others who work there full time and I can't take their hours as a newbie.
Anyway, today she wants to break up because of the resentment built from me not paying enough rent. She has asked me to give up all my vices in order to pay her more while she is about to go on her 3rd roundtrip flight trip in the last 365 days. I can't pay more, yet she says I'm taking advantage of her. I think I'm the one being taken advantage of, though. Apparently she has asked her friends and parents, and they all agree I'm an asshole. Am I really the asshole here or what?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
amc6x6
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend not to go out clubbing on valentines day",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend not to go out clubbing on valentines day?
|
Iv been with this girl for over 3 years now, we generally get along pretty well. She is a bit anti social/finds it hard to make female friends so when she told me she was going to go out clubbing with a work friend I thought great she's socializing and is making a new friend but the problem is tonight she mentioned she wants to go out on Valentines day. I initially questioned why would she go out clubbing on valentines day out of all the days she could have chosen and I was frustrated at her for thinking that it was a good idea. We have plans for dinner but outside of that nothing else, I was hoping I could spend the night with her as a couple and just hang out but when i tried to explain that to her she got upset and said we spend every day seeing each other. I don't want her to feel like Im controlling her by telling her how I feel but that's how she is seeing it I think. Am I the asshole for telling her not to go clubbing on valentines day?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
amy14x
|
{
"description": "telling my dad that his girlfriend could be my sister and making fun of her",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 25
}
|
AITA because I told my dad that his girlfriend could be my sister and making fun of her?
|
It's just insane, he's dating a nineteen year old. She's so stupid too, we barely met and she's already talking about 'I'd hope for you to be able to call me mom one day'. Keep in mind she's only two years older than me. I believe she has genuine mental issues if she thinks I'd ever think about her as anything more than the worthless piece of shit that decided to crawl into my dads bed. It's not even just because he's dating again, it's just because he choose an airhead who barely graduated high school. She came over and I kept saying remarks to get under her skin. I even called my dad a pedophile which was where my dad yelled at me. I told my mom about it and she got mad and started saying that my dad didn't deserve me saying those things about him. She's kinda right but I don't think I'm fully in the wrong. Plus, anyone on the outside would see that this is bizarre.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
6Bg1dNoYENDQNHqY1PbRfAvozr2Q26gQ
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b7kexy
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{
"description": "\"stealing\" my friend's idea that I could have possibly thought of myself to MAYBE use in my group project",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for "stealing" my friend's idea that I could have possibly thought of myself to MAYBE use in my group project.
|
For some background, in my basic engineering class we are building a device that will propel a miniature foam plane with the goal of maximizing flight time. The stated rules are that "the glider can be modified, but no material or parts can be completely removed." Also whether or not the device actually works has no bearing on the grade. There is a competition at the end of class but it has no significance other than as fun activity and reward.
Anyways, over lunch I asked my friend what their group was planning on doing. Apparently they had talked to the professor and he's allowing them to completely grind up their foam airplane. They are planning to grind up the foam airplane, make a new one made out of balsa wood, and attach/insert the ground up foam airplane to the balsa air plane.
This seemed very wacky to me and I was pretty surprised that the professor was allowing this. I don't think you should be allowed to completely demolish it but because we apparently could I wanted to incorporate it into my groups project. We were going to use a device similar to a ballista to launch a projectile with our foam airplane attached. At some point, while in flight, a parachute would deploy and our foam airplane would float down. This is entirely different than building a new airplane. If the foam airplane was ground up it would just improve our project not drastically change it.
I mentioned using this idea for my group and my friend got vehemently upset. She insulted my character several times and was actually pretty rude. I don't see the problem here. It isn't as if I'm grinding up the foam airplane and then making a new one. I just think my group should have the option to grind it up. However because she told me it would be wrong to use it. Because she told me about it would be petty of me to use it and basically cheating. However, one of my group members already knew that we could (though he hadn't brought it up yet). I already told her that we were 90% certain we weren't going to use it and at this point it isn't worth it. But, I think we should be able to. She admitted that it is entirely possible I could have come up with the idea or that my group member could have, but "thats not what happened."
She thinks I'm an asshole for even considering to use it. I don't think she has any real claim to it. Am I the asshole?
​
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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|
auuxad
|
{
"description": "not \"forgiving\" people",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not "forgiving" people?
|
It's a little strange to talk about that, but let's go...
I met a lot of people in my life, some good, some bad. But every time someone made something bad with me, I cut the friendship and even if after some time (maybe a year) the person come back asking for forgiveness I am allways like "Ok" (I don't keep hatred, I'm not this kind of person) but I never go back to a friendship
The problem is, in the last two years I met alot of people who, for example, keep saying bad stuff about their past friends (like, this is their only topic) and out of literally nowhere, they go back and make peaces with their "ultimate enemy" like nothing happened
Am I the asshole for not wanting to be friends with people that made something bad with me in the past? It's "normal" to forgive and go back like nothing happened?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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a35co3
|
{
"description": "downvoting a post on this sub even though the guy is clearly an asshole",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for downvoting a post on this sub even though the guy is clearly an asshole?
|
I mean, the guy is a meanie asshole and I don't have the strength to put aside my natural repulsion of him and upvote even though the sub's rules clearly says so. I have to downvote because I disagree!
And it's not like I'm the only one since the top posts of the subs are 99% NTA while the top posts with the asshole flair has less than 10K and most barely pass 1,000.
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
xy69tg1VQ9Yj1lyAxxvPQ9VODAlU3juL
|
b7netz
|
{
"description": "repo'ding a laptop from my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I repo'd a laptop from my friend?
|
About 5 months back, I sold my laptop to a friend. It had started collecting dust in the corner when I started working in an office so I figured that I might as well sell it and get some cash out of it.
She was tight on cash at the time and asked if she could pay it in installments, which I didn't mind. It was $20/month until she paid off the total of $100. Not that much, right? (another friend said that he would've paid for more it, but that's not part of this discussion)
Fast forward to today and She still hasn't paid me in full for it. If anything, she seems to have settled for not paying me back at all.
WIBTA if I repo'd the laptop?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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INFO
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RIGHT
|
QKIiL6HGWHt0kJq7lGPa6ER90mh2bW7w
|
b6ercl
|
{
"description": "getting free pizzas",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting free pizzas?
|
I ordered 4 XLs from Pizzapizza and the ETA was 40 minutes. I had cash on hand, but the driver came about 7 minutes late. Basically this chain offers everything for free if we they don't make it in time (40 minutes). The total was about $60 and my driver had rough English. He said he was only 1 minute late, but the app clearly showed he was suppose to be here 7 minutes ago. We had 11 teenagers but only 2 of us talked to him and we were very calm and ready to pay, but we wanted it to be free. He said something about if I called HQ or maybe customer support and I said I would call, then my friend handed a $10 tip (we planed to give him a $10 tip from the start even if we had to pay or not) and he told me to call the owners and he just left.
​
I never called the owners (I forgot), but I feel bad for the guy, I'm not sure if the driver has to pay for the food. It was over $60, even with the tip, thats like 4 hours of work too pay off $50 as a driver.
​
Pizzapizza says that the driver doesn't have to pay, but because it's a franchise, not every location will follow that. He asked to call the owners so maybe its one of those locations that don't follow the rule.
​
Upon further research I found this :" The Time Guarantee is not offered on all orders. For example, larger orders take longer to prepare and cook and therefore will not be guaranteed. You will be informed as to whether or not the guarantee applies at the time you place your order."
​
Would 4XLs be considered a large order? It never told us it was not applicable
​
The driver didn't give that much resistance, no sob story, nothing we talked to him for like maybe 2 minutes, and after the tip he just left, so i'm not sure if he has to pay for it or not.
​
The pizzapizza I was ordering at was new (only 2 weeks old) and my dad told after all this happened that he saw the owner crying because he wasn't getting business like a week ago. I saw alot of videos on snapchat of people shouting at the owners because their card got declined but still got charged because their card machine does not handle apple pay properly and those people would not get a refund.
​
In my defense policy is policy and I didn't want him to pocket $60 + $10 tip and tell the owners that the pizza was late. I didn't want to create a scene and we willing to pay, but we would rather have free pizza. The app has a timer from when you order, and it says it will be delivered guaranteed before this timer reached zero or you get the entire order for free, and it did reach zero.
​
If there is any pizza pizza delivery man/women, could you tell me if you guys have to pay for free pizza? Or what would happen in this situation?
​
Anyways TL;DR I ordered 4 XL Pizzas and it was 7 minutes late and I got them for free but tipped him $10. I'm not sure if the delivery man will have to pay for it.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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abxxt9
|
{
"description": "telling my bf's \"bestie\" she crosses the line and disrespects our relationship",
"pronormative_score": 37,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my bf’s “bestie” she crosses the line and disrespects our relationship?
|
AITA?
Sorry for the length...thank you for reading.
A little back story: I have been seeing my boyfriend for going on 3 years and we have a beautiful son. The first time I ‘met’ her she made it clear to ignore and avoid me before I was finally introduced to her formally. (We were all casually hanging at a bar she says hi to everyone but skips over me) she pulls him away and continues to ignore me. No big deal. No harm no foul. I didnt even know that was his good friend until after, but I figured she should know I was the person he was seeing and would say hello. Even if I was a newcomer people typically say hello to new people.
Throughout our relationship she never really makes an effort to get to know me. She only ever wants to hang out with him at the bar and prefers if it is just him.
A few times we have all been hanging out with friends she always manages to pull him away from the group to have these close conversations in which she is very touchy with him. Her close girlfriends have told me that she does that to make sure she is the closest to him. They warned me that she would do this to me as well. 4 of her own close friends have said to me something of a similar nature. I was sure of myself and don’t feel threatened by her in any capacity. She is not a stunning looker and she lives with her mom still. I have never even felt the need to ask my boyfriend if their relationship was ever anything more.
As time progresses there are instances of her just... what I am assuming is... trying to put me in my place. She posted a picture of herself kissing my boyfriend on the cheek on her Instagram story. I was pissed. Thats blatantly disrespectful in my eyes. They explained it away and said it was no big deal. Another night we were out, she borrows his jacket to wear because she forgot hers. She is a bigger girl and instead of asking another one of the single guys who are her size she asks my boyfriend who is smaller than she is. I feel insane being upset at this but the demeanor and history makes me look at it in a shady kind of way. Yet another night him and I are standing by the dance floor waiting for a good song, holding hands. She comes up behind us and physically breaks our hands apart so that she can run to the dance floor too. And nearly any time we are out she becomes too touchy with him. Not the normal hugs and such. But talking to him like a girlfriend would. Leaning into him holding on to his chest or shirt. Another time she showed up on his guys trip with his best friend (a trip that I obviously cant go on) and posted a ton of pics of her with my BF.
It has just been a series of small petty shit that sneakily insinuates her disrespect for me and my relationship with him. I have told my bf that I feel I should talk to her woman to woman but he knows her better and says its not necessary.
I know many opinions are going to focus on my boyfriends role in this and I agree. It has been a point of contention that he just doesn’t see or want to acknowledge that he needs to give it to her straight. Tell her to cut the shit. I don’t believe their friendship will change if she just cuts the shit. Given these things it is difficult to really start a friendship with her. I’m not into the competition thing...
For a point of reference I get along with all of his other female friends and have become close with some of them. My boyfriend does NOT reciprocate her actions and is not touchy feely with her at all.
Back to the present:
We are out for a friends Birthday. She shows late and gives me a half hearted wave after hugs to everyone. Whatever I couldn’t care less. She means nothing in my life. But the rest of the night she pulls my boyfriend away. I cannot even dance or hang out with him unless I go track them down and interrupt them. No exaggeration. Again I blame him as well. We didn’t come have him disappear most of the night with her. The first few times I go up friendly and ask him to dance. She looks annoyed and glares at me and continues to keep talking to him. He seems torn but comes with me anyways. He doesn’t want to be in that uncomfortable situation and it’s understandable. She had made mention in front of me using their friendship as something unbreakable. I feel that she holds their long history over our relationship and he buys into it being that “relationships can come and go, but friends are forever”...
The final straw of the same night was when we leave to a new bar and she pulls him away once again to the bar and they are together the entire time we are there. People are asking me where he is and I don’t know until I have to track them down in the crowd or at a bar. I pulled him aside to mention wth was going on and he said he was here with me. Ok cool he sees it. A few minutes later we are socializing and doing whatever you do at the bar and I see them again together at the bar getting a drink. No big deal. It turns into 10 minutes then 20.... she is leaning on him and grabs his head a plants a kiss on his cheek. That pushes my boundary and have had enough of her shady actions that night. I go to them and ask what the hell is going on and what is so important that they are chatting the whole night. (Just her talking about some drama with herself, she is always in the middle of some drama) We (her and I) start yelling at one another and the bouncers say they are going to ask us to leave if we don’t stop. She asks what my problem with her is and I attempt to tell her. She over talks me saying how much she tries with me and how much respect she has had for me. I suggest we talk about all this outside. We go outside and once we are away from the group and my boyfriend, her whole attitude changes. She doesn’t even try to hear anything I want to explain (I was heated but calm enough to not get out of control). She goes for low blows and begins bringing up rough patches in my relationship that I thought were private. She says he tells her everything and asks “ you think he really loves you... no” and “I love when you are threatened by me. I makes me feel so good”. I can’t keep talking to this chick. And leave with my BF. He was on my side but not fully. He kept trying to tell me to give her a chance. He said he won’t choose and I would never ask him to.
I had no intentions to start anything on a night we were celebrating someone’s birthday.
Am I missing some perspective here? I feel that is is difficult to explain these vibes that I get from her and because no one is in my shoes they think I am over-reacting.
Am I the asshole for not “giving this person a chance” in the first place, letting it get to a boiling point and losing it with her?
UPDATE: Firstly, what a wild Reddit ride it has been the last day. I have tried to read and respond as much as I can. Being that his career involves working 24 hour shifts we have had 3 days of “space”....I still need more and have planned to stay else where for a while.
Your comments have put my feelings into words and I feel somewhat clearer in that aspect.
I don’t know how or what will be the next step here but I know it won’t be easy.
Thank you all.
UPDATE 2: the turmoil has gotten worse and we are looking at an extended “break”. I need to get back to putting myself first so that I can be a strong mother and woman. He needs to figure out if he can prioritize our relationship and family or if it will continue to be himself and his friends that are always first. I am seeking a family therapist to give us guidance during this break because honestly we have both dug this hole that we have found ourselves in and if we think that just time and space will fix anything. We are being idiots. Even if the relationship doesn’t continue we will need to coparent. And at this point if he disrespected me in our relationship I expect that it may be the same in our coparenting relationship. And that leaves us in an even shittier position because I will feel helpless in times that he has my son and I cannot rely on him to parent in a way that is respectful to whatever wishes I have. Even with counseling, it is ultimately up to him to want to accept the reality of what it takes to have a family together with me or not.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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prQsfukk7k7dpca4afq4z7slfnQ0krcY
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b6ln72
|
{
"description": "forcing my adult sisters to save some money before releasing their inheritance to them",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I forced my adult sisters to save some money before releasing their inheritance to them?
|
Hello All,
​
So my parents gave me $120K (40K for each of us) when they got a lump sum of money from a house sale because are not responsible with money what so-ever. They gave me this money to use some for my house and give my sisters their 40K when they get married/buy a house. My parents gave me full control of this money as to when and how it will be given to my siblings. My sisters do not have plans to do either(marriage or buy a house)in the near future but they have followed in my parents foot steps and have terrible spending habits. My parents were not good parents and I had to raise my sisters for the most part (I'm the oldest 28, 25, 24), I packed their lunches, dropped them off at school, went to parent-teacher meetings among other things.
One of them (25 yr old) makes about 70K /year (Canadian), has no property except a car and lives with my parents rent-free. She has no savings, lives paycheck to paycheck and often asks to borrow money form myself or someone else because she's spent all hers.
The other makes about 42k/year, no car, lives with me and pays rent, (I put aside half of her rent money to give to her when she decides to move out). She is also in the same situation as the other, lives paycheck to paycheck, spends endless amounts of money on food and amazon.
Both of them have student loans under 10K each and are just making interest payments as they don't feel the need to pay this off right away for whatever reason.
Here's my issue, I think that in order to teach them how to save (I know they are adults, but they were spoiled and are still my babies), I want to tell them that they should each save up at least 20K or pay off their student loans and save 10K before I release this money to them for a wedding or buying a home.
I feel terrible as I should have taught them to save and spend their money wisely, but I'm not much older than them, so I didn't really have an opportunity to.
WIBTA if I did this?
​
Also, my sisters still come to me for advise, money issues, guidance as a parent role instead of my parents, if this has any relevance.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
kTgF3RZFDkZDhiw0XMBBHpEAXpmvWERY
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a85zlz
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend because she always talked to other guys to make me jealous",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because she always talked to other guys to make me jealous
|
I broke up with my girlfriend because she would always talk to other guys to make me jealous, for the last week we were dating she also was mad at me but refused to tell me why and it made me absolutely miserable. But about three days after I broke up with her she said that she still wanted to be with me and I want to be with her aswell but it's a relationship that sometimes makes me happy but sometimes makes me miserable. I just feel like an asshole for breaking up with her because she's the first person I've ever really loved. I can give more info if needed
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
voIMGJMfUiwPg1rX5tliF7g1VuILz9jA
|
akyqdn
|
{
"description": "defending my parents",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for defending my parents?
|
My parents opened up a restaurant with my brother's in-laws (the wife's aunt and cousins). My parents provided the finances while the in-laws covered the cooking aspect. My parents let the in-laws design the whole restaurant and name it. It goes good for a month and a half, and then the in-laws just stop showing up for work. No notice or reason was given at the time. The restaurant failed, and my parents wanted to speak with them, but all they did was cuss them out. The in-laws still had access to the restaurant and were stealing from it. That was the last straw, we called the cops. Cut ties, and my parents ate the cost. My brother's father/mother in law told him that my parents were too controlling as the reason for quitting. I am so angry at this point, but life moves on. Fast forward about two years later, my brother is celebrating his babies half birthday and who shows up...the shitty in laws who destroyed my parents financially. I ask my brother what they are doing there angrily. He responds "they are all friends now, its cool". WTF kind of shit is this. I felt so betrayed, i left the party immediately. I ask my mom when i get home about it, and she tell me they are not friends. My parents state the whole restaurant situation is in the past and would just rather not talk about it. In the end, they tell me they moved past it because they want to have a peaceful relationship with my brothers wifes family, so that there would be no conflict and obstacles to see their only grandchild. my parents feared that they would be prevented from seeing their only grandchild. I am so furious at this point, that i cussed out my brother and his wife for betraying my parents. My parents babysit their kid while they go to work. I hated to see them using my parents while hanging out with people that disrespected my family. Even if my parents moved on, i would never hang out with people that disrespected them. I recently disowned my brother for pulling that stunt. My parents now hate me for cussing out my brother and his wife. AITA for defending my parents?
​
TL;DR
Parents opened restaurant with brother's in-laws. Restaurant failed because in-laws ditched the partnership. Parents lost money. Years later sees brother hanging out with in-laws who disrespected and treated my family like shit. Cussed out brother and his wife for betraying us. Parents hate me for doing that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
LRWJsa46lIwgpxZhD4rFvK1rhwmNELOo
|
az76pa
|
{
"description": "being mad my girlfriend wont quit smoking",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being mad my girlfriend wont quit smoking
|
I started smoking 5 years ago. I was a pack a day smoker for a long time but recently decided to quit and switch to nicotine gum. I understand that it can be really hard to quit, this is at least my 10th time trying to put them down.
The issue to me is that she never touched a cigarette in her life until shortly after she met me and asked to try a hit. The day after she went out and bought a pack.
She has been smoking for 4 months and smokes around 5 cigs a day, some days she just has a single cig. That shows me, along with her claims that she isnt addicted, that it shouldnt be very hard for her to quit, especially if I'm able to do it.
It bothers me that she wont quit because I very clearly communicated to her that it concerns me a lot (even if it wasnt unhealthy already she has asthma to make it even worse). It also makes it significantly harder for me to quit while she is still smoking. I stopped doing adderall and other drugs besides pot, and cut back on my drinking significantly because she was concerned, so I feel like expecting her to quit is extremely reasonable, especially when part of the reason I quit was her being concerned about my health.
She doesnt think it's a big deal, but hasn't provides me with any argument on why she smokes besides "I'm not addicted, I just like it." To me, that's ridiculous and you should be able to put down a nasty habit your SO hates you doing, especially with the things I have put down because of her concern.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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t9HYLnxfyiOi5gB7LzDF16fazWWnRxsx
|
ar6sb1
|
{
"description": "always yelling back at my parents",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for always yelling back at my parents?
|
Info:
I(F18) have very traditional, Asian parents. I have no freedom and I’m expected to do everything their way. My parents are always complaining about my appearance (hair, acne, skin) and how ugly I am. When I don’t do as well as others academically or in any activity they yell at me and say it’s my fault for not trying harder or they compare me to them and wish I was more like them. Even when I end up receiving good results they just say “ok” and move on. They follow me everywhere I go, judge my friends, eavesdrop on my conversations and yell at me when I do something they don’t like.
My parents believe a student should only study.
I’m not allowed to hang out with my friends and I’m not allowed to talk to them through voice call at home and when I relax and do something I like, they say it’s a waste of time and say I should be studying or doing something productive. When I hang out with guy friends, my mom calls me a whore and asks me if they’ve all touched me inappropriately. When I wear something slightly revealing she calls me a streetwalker. They want me to go to college, get a job that makes 100k a year in order to take care of them in the future to repay their time and effort of raising me.
Here’s the thing:
I do love my parents, and I know that they only want to do what they think is the best for me. But I feel controlled and manipulated.
I don’t do drugs, I don’t do anything bad. I just want to be myself and have fun without being judged. So I avoid my parents so they don’t yell at me. However, they still yell at me for not talking to them which leads me to yell at them back to leave me alone. I tried sitting down and confronting them but they always believe that they are raising me right. I’ve even told them they make me feel worthless and suicidal and all they ever say is that they’ve done nothing wrong and I should be happy to be Alive. Am I the asshole for telling them to go away and not treating them like my parents?
TLDR: My parents want to control my likes, dislikes, appearance and everything. AITA for treating them like assholes and not like a parent?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
FxtwvXgMuMsaKxoJOLfH9b1ytF8zGOVw
|
ab26hp
|
{
"description": "not helping my so with her panic attacks",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not helping my SO with her panic attacks?
|
On mobile, sorry for any bad formatting
For background, me and my girlfriend have been dating for over four years now. She always had periodic panic attacks, but they really ramped up once we started college.
The problem is very obvious as to why she’s having these attacks, she absolutely overloads herself and refuses to take care of herself, in my opinion. Let me explain.
She’s an education major, so it’s not inherently hard since it’s her passion, but it does require her to make extra time to observe at various schools in the area. Obviously the classes can still be quite demanding at times. Her class schedule usually has her busy Monday-Friday 9-1. She’s also in choir, so Tuesday-Friday 2-3:15 is booked along with multiple concerts each semester. She’s also in band, so that means Monday-Thursday she’s busy 3:30-5 along with any marching band or concert band event throughout the semester. She unofficially has a music minor meaning that she takes multiple understudy classes per week learning different instruments. Finally, she’s also a Head Resident meaning she is a Resident Assistance that is in charge of all the other Resident Assistances in a particular area. This means that multiple nights a week, usually 2-3 hours each time, she has to check the dorms to make sure nothing bad is happening. Finally, she is the president of a co-Ed fraternity which requires overseeing and planning many facets of what happens in the fraternity. Hopefully you get the picture of how busy this makes her.
In short, she has at most a few hours a day in the evening to take care of herself most days if she’s lucky and she often has to stay up past midnight and get up a 8 and the constant overload causes the panic attacks. The worst part is that she put herself into this situation knowing it would make her this busy.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to help her when she has these panic attacks, but I am simply not capable of doing that and I think it’s really unfair that she gets angry at me for not doing something that should be handled by professionals instead of her 20 year old boyfriend. Even if I did help her, it does nothing to prevent the next panic attack that I know is going to happen a week later and it’s getting very taxing on my mental health because even if I try talking to her about this she will have an attack. I think the worst thing she does, however, is she’ll make passing jokes to her friends about this and act like it’s all just a funny joke.
Again, I want to reiterate that she just wants my immediate comfort that I have no idea how to give instead of seeking long term help by seeing a therapist, being prescribed anxiety medication, or dropping a few activities to give her more breathing room, but then I’m the bad guy for saying that and somehow I have to apologize for suggesting it.
So, I genuinely want to know if I’m the asshole because this is driving me nuts knowing we’re about to be back in college in two weeks
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
DMmn8lr4Lm2qlqWlocy2Mn7X2GOwiDmp
|
agv9zm
|
{
"description": "not letting him see his daughter",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting him see his daughter
|
Back in April of '18 I left him. We had been together for almost 4 years. Our daughter is 2 now. When I left I had to move to Arizona to stay with my mom and he stayed in California. I've always told him that I never want to be the kind of mom that would tell my childs father he couldnt be in the picture, and that he would always be welcome to visit or keep her for a few months at a time.
Every month since the seperation he has said that he would be coming to pick her up. Telling me to pack her bags because he'd be here next week. Next week would never come. He would call the day after his planned pick up date and spin me a tale of why he couldnt come and how shitty his life is and how much hes struggling. He only calls her once every week (if that) even though hes welcome to call anytime.
Now that some of the background is covered heres the main events: In December he calls saying he cant spend Christmas without her so he asked if he bought me a roundtrip ticket if I would bring the baby to him. I refused because I'm not going to stand in the Oakland Airport and have a breakdown handing over our daughter, and because I dont want to see him. My mom offered to do it after asking me if I was okay with the idea (I was) so he promised the ticket would be bought and she'd leave on the 17th. He would call our duaghter and ask her if she's ready to see California again and tell her he misses her and cant wait to see her. Christmas came and went because he never bought the tickets and never bothered to give any excuse for why, he acted like the whole thing never got talked about in the first place.
So here we are in January and he calls to ask if he can pick her up because he wants his daughter with him for his birthday and again says he wants to keep her for a few months. This time I just said no. I told him to stop "making plans" to pick her up because I wont let her go with him until custody papers are filed and looked at by a judge. A judge can tell him when he can see his daughter.
Am I the asshole for not letting him see his daughter?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
GrXoTvYyJXDZ4uNob9HrixzB5zrpYQYb
|
an8wox
|
{
"description": "leaving home when my family might be evicted",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Leaving Home When My Family Might Be Evicted?
|
This will require a lot of context, and will likely be a long story.
Context: Since I was 16 (currently 20, turning 21 in 2 months) I began to notice that my Mum isn't the best really. She takes care of us (my 2 older brothers and I), she loves us, etcetera but she seems to always be in a bad spot with money, relationships (had a few abusive ones, currently in one) and how she treats us during those times is absolutely horrible (doesn't hit us, but calls us names and screams/yells at us everyday. Literally, every day).
Still context: Almost 3 years ago a girl decided to be in a relationship with me and we are very much in love with one another. I believe so, although some people might say "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TRUE LOVE IS!". Anyway, since I started dating her my Mum has been telling me "She's manipulating you!", "She's changing you!", "She doesn't want you to be happy!". Then Mum spreads rumours around the theatre about the same stuff. Everyone I care about at the theatre starts attacking me (out of love) because I'm in this horrible relationship! Keep in mind, the only time I'm not happy at this point is when I'm at home or when I'm being talked to by these people.
CONTEXT!: GF got a job in the capital city of our country earning QUITE A BIT (A FUCKING LOT IN MY EYES) and moved in with her sister there who is earning almost the same. Since GF knew about the job, she and I have planned on me moving in early 2019 (likely very early February). This has been a plan for about 6 months and my Mum has known about it.
Situation!
A week before I'm due to leave, Mum gets an e-mail from the owners of the place we're renting saying they are coming for an inspection. The owners really don't like us at this point and will use any excuse to get us out because we're horrible tenants. The inspection is 1 day after I leave. I wasn't going to stay because this place is so much of a s\*\*\*hole that I've wanted to leave for almost 5 years (not this place specifically, just being around my family), but I decide I'll stay for the day because my two brothers don't talk to people (mental illnesses) and Mum becomes an emotional wreck, especially recently, if she hears anything negative at all which will likely be said.
My Mum wants me to stay for a whole 'nother week as a "VALUE WEEK" where we spend time together so that I can leave the house happy rather than upset. It's GF's birthday a day after the inspection, and I want to be there for it. If I'm down here I'll be f\*\*\*ing fuming that I'm not there, and then after that day I'll just be sad I'm not with GF yet. I told Mum this, but Mum and my brothers NEEEEEEEEEEEEED it. She's pleading and pleading and I keep saying "No" and then she bursts into tears.
TL;DR (I'm bad at these), I'm meant to move in with my girlfriend soon but I decided to stay another day for the inspection of my family's house to help out, but because that week leading up will be stressful my Mum wants me to stay another week so we can spend quality time together before I leave but I know it isn't going to be quality time and I'll be upset the whole week.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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8qIdzKyNVbKV1RtyTzu5FXjADfuCZkKA
|
armz3v
|
{
"description": "being frustrated and hurt bye wifes lack of communication",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being frustrated and hurt bye wifes lack of communication?
|
Hey reddit, my wife's communication has started to decline since she left for training.
So some back story. My wife and I are both in the military. Last Aug she left for basic and after a few weeks home in Dec she left agian until April. We have two young kids and doing this by myself is obviously a challenge. I have bad anxiety and insecuritys do to a past emotional affair my wife had at the very beginning of our relationship a few weeks after we moved in together. After she left for basic my anxiety and insecuritys went through the roof. I decide to get help last year and after 3 months of therapy and some medication my confidence is way up and I'm making great progress.
Throughout all of this I have kept my wife in the loop. And she has been nothing but supportive and understanding. She really is my rock in this world. And I try to be as supportive as I can be well she is away. I love the fact that she joined for our family. She has sacrificed alot for us and I will never forget it.
So to my problem. Since leaving agian in January. She has started to talk less and less to me. After a few weeks of me feeling like I always having to initiate conversation. I brought up the issue and explained that is was starting to effect my mental state in a negative way. This led to tears from her and me feeling like shit for making her cry.
This was last weekend. Friday night she had ordered pizza before we called and as soon as it got there she hung up on me mid sentence then said she wasn't able to talk because she smoked to much weed (legal in Canada). That hurt a little but I understand. She had a long week at work and was excited. I got over it fast. Then Saturday we were texting and set up plans to talk after the kids went to bed and she got back from dinner with friends.
The last text I sent was that the kids were asleep and I was ready to call when ever she was that was at 7 PM. She texted me shortly after "awesome. My phone is dieing" I said "ok just let me know if you can still call and no worries if you cant. I hope dinner is going well".
That was the last text we had until after ten. She had decided to stay out and not text and answer. I smoke some pot to calm down and went to bed hoping to be over it in the morning. But I wasnt. What she did hurt me that night. AITA for being frustrated and hurt and always feeling like I put in the effort to communicate? when all I ever get is "I forget" to text back or initiate?
Thanks for the judgement. I currently asked her to give me some space to calm down so I dont say anything mean or that I would regreat.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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CCoCjQrflozxpiE0w5LQsNUEIasRjTfV
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9y3660
|
{
"description": "yelling at a girl during a bonfire because she called my brother and myself stupid",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for yelling at a girl during a bonfire because she called my brother and myself stupid
|
Context: My younger brother (13) is a boy genius (knows the mathematics to put a satellite in space). His brain moves faster than his mouth and he has very intelligent thoughts and ideas. The only downside to this is that his brilliant mind never stops, which results in him talking a lot. Our family is also certain he has ADD because of genetics but it is undiagnosed.
The story: My younger brother and I (17) are at a thanksgiving bonfire with our small private school. It is being held at a farm and the farmhands were giving the students rides to the fire via hayride.
While on the way there I sit with my brother and everything is as normal, we have s’mores, hang out with friends, and tell jokes. The topic of our in depth discussion that night was the ethics of CRISPR designer babies, which other people were debating due to me and my brother talking about it. But the real problem started after a couple hours had gone by and we were on our way back. My brother had taken a different tractor due to there not being room on mine.
On the tractor a girl asked me what I was talking about, so I told her and explained what CRISPR is. At this point another girl, in the same grade and age (13) as my brother, on the ride says “Oh god, is that a (My last name)?” To which I replied “Yea!” She then proceeds to tell me how much she hates my brother because “He never shuts up and you’re just like him. A know it all show off that will never let anyone think for themselves”
I was taken aback and tried to calmly say “So what if his brain works more than yours?” She didn’t like that, and replied with “Well, his brain is dumb and so is your stupid brain too.” I didn’t want to fight so I thought I’d drill her into the ground (metaphorically) before it got became a cycle of verbal attacks. I then yelled at her “YOU ARE SO SIMPLE MINDED THAT YOU CAN’T SEE THE BRILLIANCE BEFORE YOU, HIS “STUPID AND DUMB BRAIN” KNOWS MORE ABOUT THE REALITY OF LIFE THAN YOU CAN EVEN COMPREHEND! NEXT TIME YOU DISS MY BROTHER IN FRONT OF ME I WILL DISS YOU IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY! DOES YOUR BRAIN HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO LITERALLY UNDERSTAND ME? YES OR NO?”
She was speechless for a few minutes until the ride was over and we then went to our cars and left. On the ride home I started wondering if I overreacted, and I can’t shake the feeling. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
3K3b5DcCtruZA32VXujBqH4GsSyJ3f3L
|
a3luru
|
{
"description": "thinking my friend doesn't deserve disability benefits",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for thinking my friend doesn't deserve disability benefits?
|
TL;DR- friend uses his disability benefits $$$ to buy Gucci. AITA for thinking he doesn't deserve the money?
Please excuse me for potentially being insensitive, if I'm saying something out of turn let me know and I will gladly change the wording. I'm super open to constructive criticism.
So, I've been buddies and lived with this dude for the past few years throughout college. We'll call him J. His family is low-income and has many kids. He always says they're "poor as shit", but his closet is full of luxury brand clothing-- like YSL, Givenchy, Gucci. During the whole time I knew him, he always liked online shopping and high fashion. I never really questioned this, I figured maybe he had a sugar momma or like some weird side job that paid hella money. Or he was wildly good at investing. Yes, I'm naive as shit.
Like I said, J and I have been friends/housemates for a while and been open to each other about most things. He receives a good chunk of money from FAFSA financial aid to pay for rent, tuition, and miscellaneous expenses. A few months ago he asked me to borrow money, and I said "yeah why, whats up?" just to check if he's okay. He said he ran out of money to pay for groceries, and joked to me that he ran out of his disability money. This is the first time he's ever brought the benefits up to me.
SO HERE'S THE OTHER PART: J has a physical disability that entitles him to benefits. I don't want to disclose the disability because I know he's on Reddit, but since I was close to J, I know the extent of the disability. It doesn't have anything to do with mobility, passing waste, cognitive ability, nor is it an invisible disability. J is physically very healthy and is otherwise a "regular" young adult. His disability doesn't qualify him for disability parking.
Me: Oh, I didn't know you got that for \[disability\], that's pretty cool.
J: Haha yeah, it's basically like free money. I can do whatever I want with $800 every month!
Me: So... What happened to the money this month? You forgot groceries?
J: Yeah I bought too many clothes this week! \[Favorite brand\] released their new collection!
EDIT: To clarify, I didn't end up lending him the money, told him to ask his parents.
Yadda yadda. After hearing this, I was really appalled that he blew through that much money. I don't receive any financial aid from the school. My parents make a good amt of money, but I still work 2 jobs and thrift most of my clothes. I cook and rarely eat out. But this dude is using his disability benefits to buy brand name items????????
I don't identify with any particular political party, and am not well-versed in how our tax system works, but to my understanding, a chunk of people's taxes go to supporting the poor, right? So people are funding his shopping habit? Is this legal?
After that day, I start casually watching the packages that come in. I realize that he buys 2-3 luxury items per month. I start making small talk about what he's ordered, sneak in a question on how much it is. This dude buys $300 shoes and $500 jackets, occasionally the odd $50 sweater. Um... WHAT?? He doesn't send any of the money back to his family or invest it. It mostly goes straight to clothing (and living expenses, when he remembers...). EDIT: Also, I asked him if he works. He doesn't currently, hasn't since high school.
I know that low-income populations may not have access to resources that teach budget control. I also don't think poor people "deserve to be miserable". And, I am not trying to trivialize the struggles of his disability, since I'm sure he has experiences that I will never have to face. But I am conflicted because I want to support marginalized groups, but I also feel like this is wrong? I've been trying to be more mindful of understanding underprivileged groups (all kinds, not limited to the standard race/gender/etc.), but this whole situation made me sit down and think about what I'm advocating for. I know it's not new, but it's so much more jarring to see your own friend "gaming the system". I saw a tweet shaming poor folks buying iPhones, and the highly "liked" response was that "poor people deserve humanity and to feel like they belong". I've been reading a few articles that say the same message, "poor people deserve nice things and to splurge" because of the social stigma that comes from being part of the "haves" and the "have nots".
I don't know if I'm just backward and bigoted or if I have a right to be angry and should tell him. At the very least tell him to budget better? If I'm the asshole, can you please explain why? I genuinely want to understand, it might honestly just be a mental block b/c I never had to deal with money issues (at home), my family was very fortunate to be pretty financially stable so I don't have experience going through that.
So, reddit, AITA for thinking my friend doesn't deserve disability benefits? Or at least should be given less than he currently receives?
EDIT: some grammar and info.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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wLgvfvwB41RDXoqyrd7cDRafMaYHDWuy
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aoe3ej
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{
"description": "going to a school dance with someone else because my current date has injured his leg to the point of surgery",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If i went to a school dance with someone else because my current date has injured his leg to the point of surgery?
|
First and foremost. The guy I'm going with is nothing romantic. He's in my group of friends at school.
Brad (fake name) does gymnastics. He and the guys were filming something for a class. It was this short commercial video for a fake product. Basically Brad was running around school jumping over things and doing flips for it. There was this part where he would run down the bleachers and do a flip over the barrier onto the quad. His foot got caught and he fell down the bleachers. To say his leg was fucked would be an understatement. You should have seen it. I didn't even know your leg could bruise the colours his leg did. Her tore his ACL and broke his ankle and leg.
Our school has a Spring dance coming up soon, and Brad is due to have surgery a week before the dance. He's not going to be able to do anything. Would I be the asshole if I went with someone who wasn't hurt?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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anszte
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{
"description": "choosing to name my son something my brother wants to name there child",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for choosing to name my son something my brother wants to name there child.
|
Hello I'm having a little bit of a problem, my wife is 8 months pregnant and we have finally settled on a name for our son. We then find out that my older brother is angry about us using this name.
My brother has recently had 2 miscarriages, (and is not currently pregnant) he was going to use this name after his father who passed away 3 years ago. I didn't know it was his father's middle name, nor did I know he wanted to use it,
I dont believe he's trying for another kid but want to keep it in the family for his daughter who is 14.
AITA for keeping this name or should I just change it and avoid the argument thanks for your advice.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a7gokv
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{
"description": "declining the invitation to a Christmas \"Family\" dinner from my mother, that suffers from cancer",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for declining the invitation to a Christmas „Family“ Dinner from my mother, that suffers from cancer?
|
For Context: My parents have been divorced for round about 5 years. I‘m currently 18 ( living at my mothers place ) so when they made said decision I was 13 and most of my teen-years were therefore heavily impacted by that. In these years both of my parents have equally tried, no clue whether or not intentionally, to ruin the iteration of the family we had before the divorce. And to be honest, while I definitely suffered from it, I can understand that. They held grudges against each others for various reasons. What I disliked is their lack of communication and their repeated efforts to use me and my siblings against each others. Long story short, they had a very toxic relationship the last few years.
As the title suggests my mother is currently suffering from cancer and was diagnosed earlier this year ( Breast cancer ). While it‘s rarely lethal it‘s still putting a massive toll on her and us. Luckily she‘s almost through the Chemotherapy and everything‘s going good so far.
I remember a talk I had with her shortly before her first Chemo. It was very emotional and during it she repeatedly told me how awful my father was and how helpless she feels that she apparently tried to sneak back into her life by visiting her at the hospital. Again, I was well aware of their respective opinions for each other. It definitely wasn‘t a surprise.
Fast forwards to today, we celebrated Thanksgiving together with my father, we were going to celebrate Christmas with him ( he apparently has no time that evening ) and are going on a „Family“ Dinner on the 25th. On top if that he came to my mothers Birthday party and has been at our house very frequently the last few months.
So you could think that‘s good news? I, on the other hand, am totally uncomfortable. It seems so surreal to me. I can not enjoy anything once both of my parents take part in it.
I did not have an actual conversation with either of them about my concerns yet. I‘m well aware that that could solve quite a few things but due to various reason I didn‘t.
I will ask again: Am I the Asshole for declining the invitation to a Christmas „Family“ Dinner from my mother? Am I the Asshole for not talking to my parents about my concerns? Am I the Asshole for not embracing the fact that my parents and siblings prefer the current situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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rB6p9ytBDm9ucuOVtDLiVPtJuUGzMwyz
|
axrf77
|
{
"description": "calling the cops on the neighbor's kids",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling the cops on the neighbor's kids
|
There is a open field right behind my house that people drive snowmobiles in, and I dont care about that. The problem comes on when the neighbor's kids (both of them are early teens and boys) drive a cross my lawn to get there, and you can get to this field from the street. I have repeatedly talked to the father and he doesnt care so I have threatened to charge his kids with trespassing.
Evey once in a while I let my husky play outside on his leash, and I dont want anything to happen to him, so I called the sheriff's office about 3 times on them to try and get this sorted out. Am I the asshole in this scenario?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ai24vj
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{
"description": "asking an unattended child to stop doodling on a cashier's paperwork",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking an unattended child to stop doodling on a cashier’s paperwork?
|
I am a bagger/cashier at $GroceryStore. While I was bagging, a child was at my friend’s register, which was closed for break. I kept an eye on them while I was bagging. After about 3 orders, I became concerned. She seemed to be alone, and she was doodling all over one of our notices, making it unreadable. I went over to her while I was changing lines, and asked her to please stop drawing on our paperwork. After about 4 more orders, her mother picked her up. My manager who was on the next till coached me, telling me I should’ve left it alone. What did I do wrong, and why? What should I have done differently, if anything?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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7lCzXVfS72IyYJ9PtD72WgL8w4YGEs7m
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adwiq3
|
{
"description": "being upset about my father saying that he wants to exclude me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For being upset about my father saying that he wants to exclude me?
|
I'm 14 (almost 15 at this point) and my parents visit a gothic rock convention every year. We own a caravan for cons that take over a day ( so weekend cons) or cons that are on the other side of the country. The caravan has a living room-ish area which can beconverted to beds, which is where my parents sleep, and an extra bedroom which I use usually.
Now 2 years ago I visited a con with my parents after a week or 2 , when me and my father were alone, we talked about it. At some point we got to the subject about next year ( last year) and I told him I wanted to come along with them to which he responded with "No don't. Don't be so clingy. Your mother and I want to have some alone time too." Which made me very upset but I just kept quiet about it and ended the conversation at that point.
My father can be rather strict ,to which I am used to, and both my parents barely have time so I do understand him wanting some alone time with her. I completly stand behing him. On the other side though the way he said it hurt, not just my feelings but I felt something resembeling a stinging pain in my heart + I was very hyped for the con next year so it was quite the downer.
Now people of reddit I'd like to ask if I either or both of us did something wrong and if yes then what?
( I also want to excuse myself for the bad dnglish since it isn't my first language)
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aspz8r
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{
"description": "being upset over the way my parents treated my ex",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset over the way my parents treated my ex?
|
So recently, my long time SO and I broke up. When we started dating she was my boyfriend, but she came out to me as trans. I really wanted to give it a try because I loved her- but we found we weren’t sexually compatible anymore, so instead of dragging the relationship out and resenting each other we decided to mutually split so we could maintain our friendship. It has been so much better now- and it almost feels like I gained a sister rather then lost a partner.
Here is the problem. We had been living with my parents and paying rent. I had been on disability and could barely afford to live, and then my family needed help financially so we paid a good amount of rent and everyone was fine with the arrangement. They called my SO their family and loved her.
When we broke up, we obviously planned on her finding a new place to stay. Sharing a room was a little tight for us anyway and we though more personal space now that we weren’t dating was good.
We didn’t even get a chance to tell my parents that.
Less than 24 hours after we broke up my parents said she had 2 weeks to get out. I was shocked because they had never been hostile to her before- and they couldn’t even wait a few days to tell us she needed to move out. My ex is really hurt by this- her family was not supportive of her coming out and my family had become her adoptive family. She feels like she lost yet another family.
I tried to talk to them about this and they just said ‘this is hard for us too’ and wouldn’t talk to me at all. Luckily we have a friend who happened to have a spare room for a good price offer my ex a room so we are moving her out in time, but my feelings are really hurt.
I didn’t expect her to keep living with us- and it’s their house so I respect their rules- but we paid rent and having them spring this on us less than 24 hours after we broke up really has caused a rift between us.
So, AITA for being really upset with them? I’m honestly having a hard time imaging how I’ll forgive them.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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fCqdk8dxutUHKFnSsUrkMXKsNDQNZYOJ
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ai3t9t
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{
"description": "wanting my best friend to work harder towards things they enjoy",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I want my best friend to work harder towards things they enjoy.
|
I’m a (18m) and my friend in question is also an (18m). Iv know him since the 7th grade we met playing online video games. At that time we both had the passion of playing together and “trolling” because that’s what you did when you were 12 on call of duty. He use to record YouTube videos of us prank calling and doing various video game stuff.
When we got to high school he stopped making vids got in a pretty bad state of mind and just lost what seems to be all passion for anything. (Also I live in a different state than him) and I’m not sure if I grew a more positive mind set or I stayed the same as when we met, but he seems to always only see the negatives in things. He’s always mad at the most the dumbest things ever. And lately iv been trying to push him to get back into making YouTube vids because we still play games every night, or at least I do and he just sits on the mic and talks with me. Iv even gone to the extent to start making videos myself because I always wanted to but I thought it would push him to maybe give it a try again. Iv tried to start a podcast with him and another friend. But he makes excuses as to why he can’t, or he just gets super pissed and yells that he doesn’t want to.
I’m not sure if I should continue to push him towards things he’s mentioned to be passionate about in the past or not. He’s my homie and I care about him and I want him to succeed it just sucks seeing this happen to someone you know has the potential, the energy, and the talent to do cool stuff just waste it on sulking in sadness and dwelling on things that don’t effect him in anyway.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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MCzW4ShLqzIEsRLyAUeL62mUDXUhC1FJ
|
b3dxlk
|
{
"description": "being annoyed at my boyfriend for being indecisive about living together",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at my boyfriend for being indecisive about living together?
|
So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now and we both live away from home while at university. This summer (starting in May), I have planned to stay in the town our school is in because I enjoy independence and would rather not live at home. I have been putting in a lot of effort searching for jobs for the Summer.
My boyfriend has been indecisive to this point as to whether he wants to stay or not for valid reasons. He has had some issues regarding his parents and is not necessarily happy living at home, but at the same time he enjoys his home and seeing his sisters, one of which is getting married this August.
This indecisivity would not bother me normally, as long distance in the summer is no issue for us; however, his lack of choice is now annoying me for multiple reasons.
First of all, I have to sublet a place to live for the summer as my lease for my new house next year does not start until September. As I am hard pressed for money, I am looking for cheap options. If my boyfriend stayed, it would be most economical to share a room and split rent. This could get us a nice appartment for cheaper rent. That said, as he has still not made any indication of what he wants (and where I rent depends on of were living together or not) I have been unable to secure housing yet for the summer, which is a month away.
Second of all, and the more significant issue, my boyfriend and I have both been offered the same jobs at a local historic site as tour guides. This is a very appealing offer to me as it is close to campus, interesting, and good hours. The problem is, my boyfriend does not want to live together while working the same job (he believes it would be an unhealthy amount of time together, and I agree). I am currently in the various stages of the interview process for three jobs, but would really like to accept this position as it is my ideal place to work. It would also relieve me of the burden of continuing interviews for other jobs, which is extremely stressful in the midst of preparing for finals. However, my boyfriend's indecisiveness is preventing me from doing so.
Lastly, I am just generally worried that if he is uncertain if he wants to stay for the Summer, he may eventually regret his decision and displace that frustration on me, which would be extremely unhealthy for our relationship.
I've talked to him about this, and he still is understandably unsettled about what he wants to do, but he is putting in no effort when it comes to finding another job himself, and for some reason seems to assume that it one person were to look for a different job, it would be me.
I feel as if I am putting in all the work in regards to planning for summer (a month away) and he is just making things more difficult for me. It's making me extremely annoyed and honestly worried about living together if it were founded from conflict. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
5D21HoC47qKgXZhdnG7T05tI4DDlR16O
|
ai8mce
|
{
"description": "not waiting for a mother and her kid with intellectual disabilities when I was getting off a plane",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not waiting for a mother and her kid with intellectual disabilities when I was getting off a plane?
|
This happened many years ago and it bugs me to this day because I don't know if AITA and if I should handled this situation differently:
I was travelling to Chicago for a conference, we landed and everyone got up to get off the plane. I was sitting in the isle seat and gathered my belongings and waited for my turn. The person sitting directly ahead of me went (male) and when I looked down to see if there was anyone in his isle I saw a lady struggling with the seat belt of her kid with an intellectual disability. I didn't know how long this would take and to be completely honest after the long flight I wanted off the plane so I moved forward towards the front exit following the male. Approx 4-5 seats down the male who was the father put his finger directly on my chest, which to be honest startled me, and told me to step aside for his family. I looked back and the lady was there with the kid. I apologized and stepped aside they went past me and I followed them off the plane feeling pretty shitty. Once off they all stepped aside to arrange their belongings so I kept on walking. I guess the dad wasn't done with me because he started swearing a streak at me from behind. I'm not big on confrontations so I kept on walking and went on my way feeling selfish for not waiting longer for the mom/kid as well as not standing up for myself to the dad who had no problem getting physical and seemed to be looking for a fight. I think back and I probably could have told the father that he could of assisted with the seat-belt and if they were talking a long time I don't believe I should have to wait but at the time I really felt like an asshole. Today not so much but I still wonder if AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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g49O3QY1BBVNu8iYZ24jXd8pAE546fL9
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agc7hl
|
{
"description": "lashing out at this Guy",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for Lashing Out at This Guy?
|
This guy and I were dating for two weeks or so, but have known each other for longer. I felt he wasn’t always there for me in the past. He even straight-up ghosted me for 5 months over a disagreement. I guess that abandonment affected me more deeply than I’d like to admit. When we finally got together, my insecurities got the best of me and I panicked, asking him not to abandon me like he did in the past.
The very fact he was CAPABLE of just dropping me like that should’ve hinted at his true character, but hindsight being 20/20 and all that.
He got upset with me, saying I had naive expectations and was being too dramatic. We went our separate ways until he reached out and apologized.
Things were alright until Christmas Eve when he texted me, saying “I like you. Can’t we just date and see where things go without overanalyzing?”
Now keep in mind, this was Christmas Eve and I was spending time with my WHOLE family. I’m talking aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, you name it. It wasn’t until half an hour after he sent the initial message before I was able to take a minute to check my phone. It went from one to three messages with decreasing enthusiasm from “I like you” to “Just a yes or no would be fine” to “Let’s at least hang out sometime”.
I responded saying, “I like you too. Let’s just have fun and see where things go.”
On with the party. After dinner and presents, I check my phone again. He replies “Forget it. Take care.”
What the fuck.
I tried calling him, twice. Both times went straight to voicemail. At this point, I’m thinking this motherfucker is playing some stupid games. Whatever. Done.
I don’t know why, but two hours later I call one more time and guess what, he picks up.
“What the FUCK is your problem !?” I hiss. At this point I was exasperated to high heaven.
He said his phone died and it took a bit to charge. He’s busy too, you know, and as much as he likes me, if this is how I’m going to act then I can forget about dating.
I’m was well aware he was spending Christmas eve by himself. How “busy” could he be?
I told him yeah. If this is how things are going to be, then we’re better off going our separate ways.
I feel like he was gaslighting me, but maybe not?
Who’s the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
tjlA0o3h77JTnyi3MVeK20r55cMZ0Iny
|
b4ldtt
|
{
"description": "bullying a bully",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for bullying a bully?
|
This happened on Thursday, I was at school doing rehearsals for our assessed drama performance and a guy known for making fun of people comments on our piece saying "You guys sound extremely gay". Me and my friend start saying things that he is always saying to other people, an example being "just look at you" which I have no clue what it means. We also mentioned how he gets paid to walk to school which got him even angrier
The guy gets heated that we are saying things that he is always saying to other people but is just standing there calling us "cunts" and whatever other insult he can think off. To be fair it was 3 of us who were just laughing and just saying what he is always saying to other people but it felt so good as we were finally able to let him feel the insults that he places on other people.
Anyways, he's arguing with my friend about something and I say something that I can't remember. He starts coming towards me saying "Back it up then" and mind you I'm sitting down, so I stand up and say I'm not scared of you (I'm quite tall and decently built), he pushes me and I walk towards him again repeating myself. This guy then tackles me and sits on me (this dude has to weigh at least 120kg/260lb of a mixture of fat and muscle since he does play rugby). He then punches me in the face and I grab his hands and restrain them so he can't do it again. I then ask my friends in a calm voice "Is someone gonna get him off of me".
He then starts shouting "remember this" over and over gets off me then walks away. Me and my friends are now laughing even harder as he couldn't take what he dished out and I tell as many people as I can the story so he can't twist it in his favour to make it seem as if it was an actual fight. Afterwards he had went home since he split his trousers and I sent him a snapchat selfie of my now bruised cheek with the caption "I'll remember this", he replies saying "Just see what happens at rugby training you pussy". Low and behold, nothing happened.
So come Friday he's told some of our mutual friends that I had "ran to him which caused him to use my own body weight and slam me down" and that I was "screaming and pleading for someone to get him off of me". I tell them the truth and also tell them to ask people in my group, "bully" was friends with one of them who verifies what I said.
Now a lot of our mutual friends are saying things in class to him like "Remember this, this is really important" basically taking the piss out of what he said. I'm now starting to feel bad even though he started this whole thing but then I remember how he almost let another one of out mutual friends die due to alcohol poisoning.
AITA for making fun of him and technically being the reason why a lot of people are now making "Back it up then" or "Remember this" jokes?
TLDR: Guy bullies others, Friends and I turn the tables on him, he get's angry and physical, jokes are now being made about him.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Uoq2jfI6T1SinWSeUkG012mg2DIGkEp0
|
aep5aw
|
{
"description": "having sex with a drunk girl",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for having sex with a drunk girl?
|
A friend of mine came over last weekend because she broke up with her bf and didn't have anywhere to go. I have a spare room and she asked if she could crash here for a day or two. I say yes and she comes over.
After we spent some time talking about what happened I asked if she wanted a drink and her response was, "oh god yes! I was afraid you wouldn't offer!"
So we spend the rest of the night drinking and talking and talking and drinking. The last thing I remember is her kissing me. Not like jumping my bones making out with me but like a quick peck then backing away.
We wake up the next morning in my bed naked, clearly had sex. She gets up grabs her stuff and takes off. Doesn't really say anything outside "I'll talk to you later" and she is walking out.
She obviously tells at least one person in our friend circle because I start getting texts asking wtf happened. It isn't much of a secret to them that I have had a crush on her for a long time so they are accusing me of taking advantage of her (and implying worse) by having her come over and drink.
I am really freaking out, so am I an asshole (or worse) for what happened?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 4
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
DCYTE9U3tkzznE919601xaAKncbCczk5
|
a8qu6y
|
{
"description": "being pissed off that my friend didn't get me a bday present",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being pissed off that my friend didn't get me a bday present?
|
Throwaway; high school drama alert.
This happened in our senior year of high school but it's basically ongoing. For my birthday, my friend of 9 years gave me a birthday card that essentially says "I'm sorry i can get you a present this year, I'll treat you sometime". Now, I am not one to complain about gifts and I was happy with just the letter-- what really irked me was that at the end of the year, she got all of her teachers something. And I am not talking about simple stuff like chocolates; she ordered pens and cups and other things online, in store, etc. She was running around being busy with delivering gifts and stuff.
Fast forward to a month later, we're going to the movies. I offered to pay for her tickets but she paid for mine too because it was the birthday promise. I was taken aback. I planned on having an actual lunch/dinner date with her where we could sit down, talk, have a good time. Not her just paying for my movie tickets because she just wanted to get the promise over with.
I talked to another friend about how I felt like I didn't matter (even though I spent a lot of time, thoughts, and resources for her bday). She low balled me and gave her effort somewhere else. The other friend said that my close friend probably feels more comfortable with me and thinks that she doesn't have to shower me with gifts or anything to prove our friendship. I can definitely understand this point of view, taking into account that my close friend probably didn't realize that I would feel this way and that she did it with no harm in mind (she's a nice girl but kind of slow ). This is also plausible because she spent major money on another girl's present, but their relationship is pretty sad to look at (like master and servant).
I haven't told her about how I felt but it definitely made me take a step back and look at our friendship. Although I still talk to her, I am not putting in as much effort as before.
Am I the asshole for not liking how my friend only gave me a letter for my bday, yet went out of her way to buy gifts for others (with the possible reason that she feels comfortable enough with me)? I also feel like it might be petty to bring this up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
UpxogUCCC7SB031bojwCBvXd72QAtfiH
|
a3sy8e
|
{
"description": "not letting my sister borrow my new car",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my sister borrow my new car?
|
Context: My sister got her license when she turned 19 she is now 22 and has totalled 2 cars one of them being this past week. This week she has called me many many many names as I won't let her borrow my car. I just purchased this car 3 weeks ago, and with her history I told her I would not let her borrow my car to drive to work. She works 45 minutes away, and would have to take the interstate to get there. She also is still in recovery from her most recent crash. She argues that she has no other way to get there, and doesn't have the money for an Uber. She has a boyfriend and multiple friends that I assume could give her rides if she asked. Am I the asshole in this situation?
Tldr: sister needs to get to work, I won't let her borrow my car since she's totalled 2 cars in 3 years, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ulLhJm0jlyZ5ftoeu0XAEJxDPlWtwt3d
|
b0p0qz
|
{
"description": "not caring that her son died",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for not caring that her son died?
|
(I grew up speaking french so I apologize for grammatical errors).
When I was in high school, my sibling and I accidentally hit a car while we were backing out of our driveway. We went to our neighbors house to tell them what happened, but a woman we had never met before answered. We explain that we accidentally hit her car while backing out, and she immediately starts crying and explains that her son just died. We immediately felt worse and tried to comfort her while we brought her out to the car.
Sparing the details, she got really angry at us. She began yelling at us and insulting us, while constantly bringing up that her son had died. She then called the police and made us call our parents because she didn't trust us "stupid, incompetent teenagers". The police showed up, and she again reiterated to him that her son had just died before even explaining the situation. The police officer looked at the cars and pointed out the damage along with additional damage which I claimed we couldn't have caused due to its location and the amount of damaged compared to the other dent (it was quite worse). She got even angrier that we weren't taking blame for it, and once again reiterated that her son died and we were only making it harder.
Things got infinitely worse when my dad showed up. She yelled that his "stupid" children ruined her car and weren't taking the full blame for it, and as usual brought up at her son just died. Here's one thing to know about my dad: if you insult and/or hurt his children, you are fucking doomed. He immediately spat back at her and started a screaming match, which eventually culminated into this:
Woman: "HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!"
Dad: "I have every right to speak to you like this. My children did the smart and responsible thing by telling you about the accident and giving you their information, and you have to audacity to stand here yelling at and insulting them? Grow the fuck up, you pathetic miserable old cunt!"
Woman: "MY SON JUST DIED!"
Dad: "You know? Good for him. Now that he's dead, he doesn't have to be around you."
Now I know my dad's comment was completely uncalled for and totally rude, and, honestly, I was getting fed up too. I strongly dislike it when people constantly play the pity/grief card. I have never lost a child, and everyone express their grief differently. At the beginning I really did feel for her, but the fact that she kept bringing it up just made it feel like she was trying to manipulate us. By the end of it, I didn't even care that her son had died. That feeling still haunts me to this day.
Am I the asshole for thinking she played the grief card too much, and eventually not caring that her son had died? Is she the asshole? Are we both assholes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
RIGHT
|
UGjx978RC8nLoK31m6O9JaInW1ru1xlW
|
b5z1nc
|
{
"description": "penning up someone's lost dog and leaving",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for penning up someone's lost dog and leaving?
|
My wife and I had a date planned with friends and, as we are leaving, we find two large dogs running around our yard. There's been some reports on Nextdoor of a similar dog missing North of us that no one can catch. We don't have a lot of time and Animal Control is closed.
We have the choice to leave our gate open like it was or close them in. We took photos of the dogs, closed the gate, posted on Nextdoor and our local lost dog Facebook Group and leave.
About an hour and a half later, someone finds the owner and gives us their number. We text them our address, but tell them we had to go and hope they are still there.
The owner arrives, and the dogs had escaped and starts getting shitty with us for locking them up and leaving and for telling them we had their dogs when we didn't really have them.
I mean, we could have cancelled our plans and stayed and manned the fence. The dogs forces the gate open, but they probably could have jumped our 4ft fence if they really wanted to.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
VQTWOpmtUvZoQOMtlUZtCZQQqdVGer6j
|
9zlism
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to stop drinking entirely",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop drinking entirely?
|
Tl;dr at bottom of post.
So I [26M] love my girlfriend [24F] and she’s awesome. Things are generally good between us.
However, my girlfriend gets drunk 1-3 times per week every week, and honestly, I do NOT like drunk her. Sometimes dunk her is just annoying and unreasonable, and other times, drunk her is straight up confrontational and mean. Either way, I don’t like drunk her. At all.
She always starts drinking intending on having 1-3 drinks, but then it always spirals into getting very drunk, often to the point of blacking out. We’ve talked about it and she knows I don’t like drunk her, and she said she’d cut back. She’s even admitted she thinks it’s a problem because sometimes she feels that she needs to get drunk to be able to cope with the stress of her job. So she agreed to curtail her drinking. But lo and behold, she’s with her family at thanksgiving and completely plastered, and sending me obviously drunk, pissy sounding texts. The usual.
The thing is, both of our dad’s are functioning alcoholics. They both drink quite heavily to stay “happy” because they can’t confront their own shit, yet they still hold down decent jobs and live a mostly normal life. But the thing is, I don’t want to be with someone like that. And if my gf can’t curtail her drinking, this is not going to work.
Tl;dr: Would I be the asshole if I asked her to stop drinking altogether, or else we’re through?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
92JkogsmgSCCJCyVieFnFTIpfVmBtMrd
|
amzea7
|
{
"description": "cutting off all my friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off all my friends?
|
Backstory: I've been friends with some of these people since middle school, and we graduated high school together last year. Now my best friend since 7th grade is kind of the ringleader and is extremely stubborn and likes to avoid her problems, in addition to having extreme anxiety issues and doesn't get help for it (her family can't afford it and she doesn't want to admit it to them).
Ever since about a year ago I found my calling in career and have started focusing on doing as much as I can to learn and run my own business, so my free time has dwindled. In addition to that I have been spending more time with my business partner, teacher, mentor, you name it, we're extremely close and I try to learn as much as I can. I found someone who I get along with and is already a professional in multiple areas I'm interested in. So I spend most of my time there, with them and their family.
My friends got jealous and we're concerned for me spending all of my time with my mentor, so I had tried to explain it to them how much this learning meant for me. In the end, my best friend thought I didn't have time for her, assumed I was busy, felt too bad about herself to ask (?) I'm not sure. But we stopped hanging out as much, and grew apart. They made group chats not including me, and stopped inviting me to things. I tried to text her as much as I could, but I'm really terrible at communication with more than 1 or 2 people and I stopped seeing her every day after graduation, and especially when they all moved to colleges away from our home town. Last time I texted her was over winter break. It was awkward and her answers seemed distant.
Here's where the beans spill: A couple weeks ago she posted about me on social media to all our friends saying how she was petty and didn't like me. She printed out her own face and put it over mine in our prom pictures.
I asked my other friend if she hated me too, and her response said, "nah but imma be real with ya, it was shitty for you to abandon her"
The next day when I hadn't heard back from anyone else I unfriended all of them and I haven't heard anything since. It still kinda stings, and wonder if I should've tried harder?
TLDR: I didn't have much time for my friends after I discovered my career and my best friend bullied me on social media in front of everyone. I deleted all their contacts and unfriended them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
s769hOmVZ7yHSsogQvqcm9sTXypFq19K
|
b8nn4m
|
{
"description": "not wanting to continue a relationship with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to continue a relationship with my parents?
|
As a kid, I quickly learned that due to my mom's ultra strict Christianity and [infantilization](https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/the-causes-and-symptoms-of-infantilization/), I had to hide who I was to be able to have as close to a normal childhood I could. She would get upset with me the more clear it was I was growing up. She just had serious issues, and I understand now that it's because she is extremely dependent on being a mother. She revealed to me as a child that she was a child slave in her home country for a few years with her sister. She comes from a very sexist/racist society and on seperate occasions has told me that I am intellectually inferior for being Hispanic and a woman. Now I'm looking back at it, I mostly see it as a projection of her feelings of herself and the sexism/racism she went through. She is also very racist to black people, but it partly black herself.
She doesn't have any friends, or ever leaves the house. She never allowed me to leave the house besides school or errands with her. I was never allowed to play in a park or hang out with friends after class. I could never go anywhere on weekends or during summer vacation either. When I used to come home late cause of sports practice in high school, I got beat for it and called a whore. It wasnt until I was 17, and told them I would call the cops if they did it again that they loosened up. So at 17, was when I was allowed to have friends and have a life. I basically had no childhood and no relationship with them because I learned that avoidance was key in making my life easier under their rule.
My dad was traditional in that what my mom says goes when it came to raising us. Their marriage was arranged by my grandmother when my mom was 19, my dad 26. They had a very unhappy resentful marriage. My mom also manipulated him into thinking if he let me do normal things kids do, I'd become a whore. (She had a sister who had 9 kids starting at 13 years old.) I didn't have much of a relationship with him cause he sadly worked like 16 hours a day and would come home to a fight with my mom.
For more information, ya'll can see some of my post history on r/raisedbynarcissists cause there is more I can say. I've read books about all of this and tried talking to friends about it. I know I "should" try to talk to them about how I felt growing up and try to salvage our relationship, but I don't feel there is anything to salvage. I am graduating college in May, so I no longer need their tax returns to prove to the government I am so poor I need financial aid. A few months ago, I told them I don't want to continue a relationship with them anymore, just like that. I blocked them on my phone and continue getting messages from my mother making me feel really guilty about it all. AITA or should I put myself through years of more stress and reminders of the pain just because they are my parents and had it bad too?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TXIYyozyDaNcLul47jyTSDCFRiKj8Hhv
|
an3iw5
|
{
"description": "wanting to spend less time with my depressed best friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to spend less time with my depressed best friend?
|
I'm new to reddit and doing this mobile, but I would really like some advice (its kinda long)
I am in my second semester of my 1st year at a University. As a music major, I am always in a classroom, working in the music lab, crying in practice room, or at rehearsal. I am very busy, so I value all my time I spend doing nothing. I'm the kind of person that needs a day or 2 to be away from everyone and everything just to destress and be ready for another busy week.
I do spend a lot of my free time with friends, eating dinner together and what not. However, no one gets as much of my time and energy as my best friend, lets call him John. John is a music major too (most of my friends are) and is genuinely a really good friend to me. We make each other better and he's usually very enthusiastic about everything. He's always high energy, when his depression doesn't hit, and is always tapping around (he's a percussionist). His constant drive pushes me to be a better musician and person.
However, he takes all of my free time. He's in my dorm everyday, playing my playstation (despite having his own) and leaving a mess in my room. I love him, but he's a slob. He actually has a lot of health issues. despite him being pretty skinny. But skinny doesn't always mean healthy. I have to constantly remind him to eat, drink water instead of soda, and so on. I don't mind, I know a symptom of depression is not eating or eating really bad so I'm not mean about it, just want him to get better. My other friends and even some of my teachers see me and him as more of a mother son relationship than friends because I am always taking care of him. Again, I don't mind this, just not every waking moment of my life.
Being around him so much has made it hard for guys I like to approach me because they think me and John are dating, even though we both know that will never happen. I tried making plans with a guy I like to come to my dorm and watch Avatar: The Last Airbender with me, but ended up cancelling because I couldn't get away from John without feeling like a dick. I want to be able to have a life outside of him, but I don't want to be a dick and abandon him either. I can't even play games that we have started together without him. We started playing Little Big Planet 3 together (it was my first time playing and he's already beat it) and gets upset if I play without him. We played COD Zombies and he gets jealous if I don't play with him.
I no longer have time to do nothing on the weekends because we do "nothing" together, meaning I'm taking care of him all weekend, just to jump back into a busy week. Last semester he jokingly ridiculed me for not accomplishing anything on the weekends, and now he spends all his time with me. Sometimes I get it, you need a friend, but other times, it's seems unhealthy.
I want to tell him to back off and be more independent, but I don't want to hurt his feelings or our friendship. He is my best friend. I feel bad for saying no when he wants to hang out, but I know it's what I need for my own sanity. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7G31qs1uCPJb6BgAAuXnKSbkkT8JbN3c
|
am71al
|
{
"description": "having to tow someone from my spot",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA, I had to tow someone from my spot.
|
I'll try to keep it short...
I come home to have lunch before I have to leave again for work. A car is parked in my spot that we (I have a girlfriend) pay for and I honk the horn hoping to get the person's attention. I wait for about 2 min and call the leasing office. I give them the plate number to see if they can call them and get them to move their car. After I am told they don't have the plate on file, I park in a spot that I'm not allowed to be in for a brief moment.
There are plenty of empty spots mind you, but I do not have the correct sticker for all those empty spaces. I can only park in MY spot without being towed. I go around door to door asking if they know who the car belongs to, and no answers. I left the car where it is for just a moment since they only tow at night for cars without correct stickers so I should be fine for the hour. However, I don't know how long this person plans on being in my spot. If I come home from work, they could still be there.
I thought about leaving a note but it was raining. After I thought about it I called for a tow truck because the same people keep taking my spot. I have given countless warnings to those who live in our complex and never towed them. These same people keep rolling their eyes or giving me the "one second" finger. Excuse me?!
I call the tow and it arrives in time and takes the car away. The tow truck driver was very polite and understood as he also agreed that it sucks for people to inconvenience you while you are paying for your parking spot. After the tow left, I went outside to move my car into my spot. When I was heading back in, the person came out looking for their car.
I could have walked back into my apartment without saying a word but I decided to let them know that I had their car towed and gave them an explanation. I told this person that I gave many warnings and didn't have much time to keep searching. This person lied to my face saying, "I thought this was a spot for me to park in as I was here visiting someone." If you were here to visit someone, that person you're visiting told you the rules. There were plenty of spots available and you chose the one you are not allowed to park in? The person rolled their eyes at me as I told them I'm sorry, but they had to be towed and that it is happens way to often. So, AITA?
TL;DR : I had someone towed from the parking spot that belongs to us (pay rent, you own a spot). I couldn't find who the vehicle belonged to and I was trying to enjoy lunch so the car gets towed. Person comes out for their car and I give them an explanation. They have an attitude for being in the wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KuanRXpZtpjqkgNPymo9neNK8bN2iKLV
|
a9y78o
|
{
"description": "not sympathizing with a friend whose fiance was arrested/may go to prison",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not sympathizing with a friend whose fiance was arrested/may go to prison?
|
I have a close friend who I've known for two and a half years now. Her (21F) and I (20M) worked together for a while, but recently both changed jobs. We still work across the street from each other and live in neighbouring towns, so we see each other often.
She's engaged to a man (23M) from Texas (we're from Canada). He came up to visit her for Christmas, and went home last night (Dec 25th). She messaged me today telling me that she's scared for him because he got arrested for bringing marijuana (edibles) on the plane with him into Texas.
I honestly had no words. I threw some bullshit "he has no priors, there will be a trial, it could work out just stay positive!" crap at her over messenger, but while texting her I was just rolling my eyes.
I love her fiance. He's a bit of an oddball, but he loves her and they're an amazing couple. I know these thoughts aren't influenced by any personal feelings against him, but I... I just .. how can somebody be so fucking stupid??? Weed is legal in Canada, but possession is still prison time in Texas!! How the hell did he think he could sneak an illegal drug past American airport security???
I feel awful for thinking about how stupid he is over being concerned for him, which makes me feel like AITA. But I think some of it might be because of how much his dumb choice is hurting my friend, because I'm very protective of her, so then I feel like I'm NTA.
I'm really torn about this, and I'm especially upset because now I'm having to read my friend's messages about how "he'll never survive prison" and how "our future together is ruined" from my friend, and having to try and be sympathetic, when all I want to do is tell her that he's a goddamn moron and if he's thrown behind bars then it's nobody's fault but his own (not to mention HERS for letting him bring her weed on a goddamn airplane!!)
So, Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
xTkE4Y3Z5KqiHPTQPG1PUHGCqBOKO6W8
|
b5sxb9
|
{
"description": "leaving a bathroom scale at my significant other's house",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
WIBTA if I left a bathroom scale at my significant other's house?
|
So I (28f) am very health minded and am attempting to gain more muscle and just be more fit. I've been weighing myself first thing daily, except for the days I sleepover at my BF's (30m) house. I suppose that I would like to weigh myself those mornings as well, except he has no scale..
There is room in his bathroom for a scale and I would like to bring one and leave it. Sounds reasonable enough, right? Now for the asshole part.
He is overweight (~40lbs and I suspect that he has gained a little over the course of our relationship), I am not. I have become quite a lot fitter over the course of our relationship, and feel great about it and myself, and it causes me to feel isolated from him in that regard..
He does not seem to care particularly about his health, which does bother me(somewhat increasingly), as I don't want to longterm be with someone that can't bother to show up for themself and take care of their health. For one thing, if he lost weight I suspect his snoring would decrease (the main deterrent to me staying over more, so if nothing else, I feel that should be a motivator?).
I feel like maybe leaving a scale, you know, for me to use.. Might make him more cognizant of his weight... And could maybe spark the thought of making steps towards being healthy.. Which I worry is rather passive aggressive, which I really try not to be.. I mean, I don't preach to him or otherwise try to criticize his habits..
TLDR: I am health minded and want to leave a bathroom scale at less healthy BF's house for supposedly my own usage, but really to inspire him to use it. Yep, pretty much.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
CyNWG6bgYJfGV8M3AMm3iv5exeb65zfN
|
atq0ur
|
{
"description": "asking this guy how tall he is",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking this guy how tall he is?
|
Not sure if I stepped in something here, or if this guy is a bit of a rough diamond, so if you'd care to judge...
I met a guy for drinks at a trendy spot last night. We'd chatted on bumble first and I thought I'd sort of felt him out and judged him to be an easy-going and good-humored duded (maybe informative of why I said what I said here). He met me at the bar, smartly dressed and looking just as he did in his pics. One thing that I noticed in particular was his height; he was a bit taller than I'd expected, moreso than me by an inch or so, and I'm somewhat tall myself so I found it interesting and maybe something to playfully commiserate over. Ergo, when we were waiting for I drinks, I said: "How tall are you, by the way?"
At which point he put on a short of shocked smile, and kinda looked like I'd slapped him in the face. He replied: "Just so you know, that's kind of a shitty thing to ask someone on a date."
I was horrified, obviously, and immediately apologized and explained myself. But honestly the night never really recovered after that. The impression I got was that he immediately pegged me as superficial and weird for having remarked on something like that. So he was pretty cool on me and looked quite happy at the chance to make his exit.
Right. I'm feeling totally socially inept at the moment. Is that an assholeish thing to ask a person? I mean I'm not exactly in the habit of doing it. I was just curious and thought it was a benign piece of trivia at worst. So obviously to me that seems like an odd thing to take issue with, but he made it clear that he found it unnecessarily invasive. AITA, or just tone-deaf? Or was he being overly sensitive?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
LOUNwpriTZAMV1NxpTbIlgMq9IrvPay5
|
b3io80
|
{
"description": "wanting to know when the medication for my sick kitten will arrive",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to know when the medication for my sick kitten will arrive?
|
I have a kitten that I foster through a rescue. She's had diarrhea that can get pretty bad, requiring daily baths as it gets on her legs and feet. I've been dealing with this for three months now. The rescue has spent hundreds on tests for this kitten at this clinic.
Her vet decided to try this antibiotic that required ordering through a compounding pharmacy. This is actually something I suggested probably two months ago but the vet encouraged us to try special foods. It was ordered last Tuesday. The rescue called Monday to see if it was in. It wasn't but the person who would know was out sick. Yesterday, I called again. All they could tell us was it was ordered.
Today, I sent an email today asking if they could find out if the pharmacy had sent it out yet, and if not, when they would. They responded with an email that said "it's been ordered." I said, "I know, but that doesn't answer my questions." I then decided to call. I explained that the vet told us that we should only make one change at a time with this kitten. So if the medication is going to take a couple weeks to get, we could make other changes in the meantime to see if she improves. (It's a long shot, but better than waiting.) All I wanted was an estimate as to when the medication would get here so we could decide, vs. what the "could be this week or maybe next week" that they told us.
I am put on hold and get transferred to Vet A. She basically complains about all the phone calls about this. She then makes a comment about how all these "shelter cats" take up so much time (which I guess was a dig at the rescue) and how she is too busy to be dealing with this. So she says she will have the vet who owns the clinic call me.
The owner-vet calls me and basically yells at me. He says that the staff state I was rude to them. (I was insistent, but never yelled or called them names. I simply requested that they call the pharmacy for an update so I could plan.) He tells me I was being unreasonable and hung up on me.
I should point out that this vet clinic isn't super busy. When I've been there, the lobby is usually empty and the phone isn't ringing off the hook. And they usually aren't dealing with emergencies or things like that. I’ve also brought my own pets there and recent spent close to $1000 on one of my cats. So I am a customer.
Ironically, The owner-vet was able to tell me during his call that medication had been shipped and would be there tomorrow--which was all I was asking for in the first place.
So am I the asshole for wanting to know when I could expect the medication?
TLDR: My vet got angry because I wanted to know how much longer it would take to get the medication that was ordered over a week ago.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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