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1QR3XBMCThUZjP5aYoDlNUgXs1ByXExk
|
b0r687
| null |
AITA Waitress Has a Seizure and Told Not to Call the Police Mid-Call
|
Our group of friends just finished seeing a movie and went out to a nearby restaurant. The restaurant sells ramen and after we get seated our order is taken.
Within 30 seconds at the table right next to ours we hear a commotion and see her on the floor having seizures. We weren't able to catch her as we didn't realize what was happening and the staff didn't come over until one of the patrons yells out.
Someone asked "is someone calling 911?" And I called. The staff come over to help her as I start giving the details on where we were and what the emergency was. Just after I provide the address about 2 minutes into this the wait staff request "no one call 911." Looking at me. She was still shaking when I was told not to call.
I wasn't sure what to do, the police were already informed where we were and they passed me to the paramedics over the phone already who were on their way.
They arrive and I help pull some chairs and tables out of the way and they confirm she is ok (she is starting to recover at this point.)
I hear the person who told me not to call talk with the paramedic, "she is fine." "No, this is the second time we've been called out, she has to come with us."
And that's when the other waiter brought the food to our table.
None of us could eat, I paid the bill and left a tip for them but I felt horrible for this but I don't know if I acted too quickly? I just want everyone to have healthcare if they were afraid of the costs.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
MIreGvmiKkBt9Fful7Ta2E5UBLRYvpF4
|
az5c1k
|
{
"description": "not pretending like my roommate is going to be a doctor",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not pretending like my roommate is going to be a doctor?
|
Obviously in order to be a doctor, you have to be smart, you have to be convincted, study hard, and you also probably have to have a talent for the feild of science already, and you should be mentally stable, be able to perform well under stress. I mean getting into med school is not easy, and being a doctor sure as hell isn't a cake walk, extremely so depending on the feild. My roommate is none of those things. At all. He says he wants to be a pediatric surgeon.
We are both freshman. He got all C's through highschool, but says that it's just because he didn't try. Now in college he's saying he doesn't study or try because this is "just the basic stuff" and he will try harder once he gets to the advanced stuff. I'm a bio major, so right now our courses have a lot of crossover. He can't do the homework, but I refuse to help him with it because he doesn't pay attention in class and never studies, the college offers free tutors but he won't go. He flunked general chemistry first semester and still isn't taking it seriously this semester.
He has anxiety and depression and is very far from a mentally stable person. He's moody and says he gets panic attacks over small tests, again not a trait for a CHILD SURGEON.
He says he loves the feild, but he spends all of his time watching make up videos, he never ever seems interested in his studies in the slightest.
This semester, we learned that he is only taking 11 credits and working 10 hours as a cashier. He complains all the time about how busy he is none the less even though we know it's all bullshit.
His parents are from a culture that makes them want for him to be a doctor, his friends are all dumb so they encourage him with no thought behind it, the college only wants his money, I am the only person who I feel is being honest about what is extremely evident. This guy will never be a doctor, and pretending like he will be is just costing him hundreds of thousands of dollars and waisting his time, and I worry about what he will do when he comes to this realization.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
QVzudoM1Fz4McaZog1ncso9sLOFlnWlW
|
at7t1d
|
{
"description": "not wanting to donate to my girlfriends cancer fundraiser event",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not wanting to donate to my girlfriends cancer fundraiser event?
|
Every year, my girlfriend and her friends participate in this big event at a gym, hosted by a hospital, to raise funds for cancer research. The participants ask their friends, family, and coworkers for donations to “sponsor” them as they cycle on a stationary cycle. She has asked me to donate as one of her sponsors.
Now, I take issue with this for two reasons. First, I had a childhood friend who passed away from a very rare form of cancer called adrenocortical cancer. In his memory, I donate a substantial (to me, at least) amount to fund research into that particular form of cancer. Part of me feels like I already do enough charitable giving to not feel like a selfish asshole for the year. That’s my first complaint.
Second, I don’t want to donate because I flat out do not like her one friend who got her involved in this. In short, her friend is the most selfish, conceited, and overall worst person I’ve ever met in my life (and I’ve met several politicians and lawyers). The friend only participates in this one charitable event. I know this for a fact because every other weekend this girl is either drunk, or traveling on her fathers dime. Furthermore, this girl signs up all of her friends for this event, sits on the cycle for 10 minutes, and then asks other ppl to cycle for her. While other ppl cycle, she will loudly laugh about how she doesn’t want to cycle and jokes about tricking ppl into doing so for her. She is the type of girl who will say something bitchy, acknowledge that what she said was bitchy, and then be proud of how big of a bitch she is.
So, I don’t want to donate for two reasons. One, I think that I already do enough other charitable works (separate donations and my career requires I do X amount of “free work” for ppl a year), and two, I hate the person the got my gf involved in this charity. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
TE1cnqrCg02dh1vMO7YguMBjtZAbS5Hr
|
b785xv
|
{
"description": "not telling my husband that our friend touched my butt",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I didn’t tell my husband that our friend touched my butt?
|
So basically what happened was tonight I stopped by my friend R’s house for a bit to buy a sack of weed. R and his wife have been good friends with me and my husband J for a few years now. We’ve been to their house many times, hung out with them and their kids, and gone on double dates. R has never been out of the way or inappropriate with me ever.
J was working late so tonight I went over alone to pick up as I have a million times. R is a heavy drinker but tonight he was fuckin plastered. I went in his house and we were talking quietly and making the transaction because his wife was in the other room asleep with the door open. When I turn around to grab my purse I feel him touch my butt. I turn around and I’m like “Wtf was that dude?!”
He was like “Omg I’m sorry I’m sorry idk what I was thinking. I’ve never done that before I’m so sorry!” I was like “Don’t do that shit, man!” And he was like “I’m so sorry I’ll never do that again. I’m just fucked up I’m so sorry!”
Tbh I’m pretty blunt and I definitely would have went off on him more if it would have made me super uncomfortable. It didn’t make me feel really upset or anything. Not because I have feelings for R or I liked it or anything. I love my husband and I have and wouldn’t ever cheat on him. It’s just because
A: R was *super* wasted and I’ve never seen him be inappropriate before, AFAIK I’ve never even seen me check him out or anything and
B: he didn’t rub my ass or linger or anything, it was really just a honk. Like I was just confused more than anything. It really just seemed like a super drunk dude acting without thinking?
I’m just torn on whether or not I should tell my husband. R said “I’m really sorry I did that, if you tell J, I understand, I just feel bad I possibly caused a problem between us.”
I just don’t feel like it’s a huge deal. I know R loves his wife and has never been weird with me or indicated he has feelings for me, it seems like he just made a mistake and immediately apologized. I don’t want to start problems with his wife, too and potentially end all of our friendships over something that was basically harmless. But I also don’t want to hide things from my husband.
WIBTA if I don’t tell him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
y1vQwlX4u9VzVvsLoRKkTTt3FYaC6xOK
|
alf047
|
{
"description": "leaving a Job after only 1 week",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Leaving a Job after only 1 Week?
|
I was in a pretty dead-end job, and was actively searching for new work. A recruiter reached out to me, and told me about a position that was open at company number 1 that was looking for someone with my experience. The position was in the same field as my previous job, but I was willing to give it a shot, as the company seemed pretty cool, and I really needed to get out of what was at the time my current job. I went through multiple rounds of interviews, and did pretty dang well. It should be noted that this place was quite a ways away from my apartment, and commute by car would look like 2 hours worth of travel daily (unless an accident would occur on the freeway, a common occurrence in California).
 
While this was happening, but well into the process of interviewing for company number 1, I was contacted by a friend who told me they had an opening at the company he was working at, company number 2, for a position in a different field than the one I was in currently. I told him I was looking for work, and he gave my resume to the company to consider. I got an interview with that company, which was located in a city that was about a 30 min commute daily. I did well in the interview.
 
Fast foward a couple days: I hear back from company number 1 saying they are offering me the job, and they give me a week to decide on whether or not to take the job. It's a reasonable offer, and one I would happily take, especially to get out of the job I had. I reached out to company 2, but they still were interviewing other people at the time and still were making decisions. At the end of the week, I decide to take the job at company number 1. While I would rather work at company number 2, I wasn't hearing back from anywhere else, and I needed to get out of the current job.
 
Fast Forward another 2 weeks: I am starting my job at company number 2. The work is fine, the people are nice, and the company is a good environment. The commute, however, is miserable. I am doing my thing, then I hear back from company number 2, they are offering me the position with higher pay, but not by too much. I would rather be at company number 2. I decide to accept their offer. I meet with my manager at company number 1, and he is discussing with me and commenting how this is "pretty bad" that I accepted the offer, already had gone through on-boarding, and was now wanting to leave. They matched the salary offer from number 2, but I told him it was the commute that was the big deciding factor. He was pretty upset by it all, but I don't think he took it out in any sort of unreasonable way.
 
After all of this process, I do wonder, Am I the Asshole for leaving a company after only working there 1 week? I recognize this isn't normal or ideal in terms of company policy, but does that make me an asshole for doing it. If you do think so, I'd love to hear your advice at what I should have done. Thank you in advance.
 
Tl;dr: Needed to get out of job, got offered a job, took it, but am leaving after only working there a week to a new job because of commute. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Pt22GaGe3VlsE7U35s3vwIpfT3LTbq2o
|
9umlk7
|
{
"description": "not feeling like talking to a friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not feeling like talking to a friend
|
I have this friend. All he's life revlovs around is playing games and criticising people's life choice. He is a militant Christian, and only listen to music from the 50s and earlier.
I also play games, and he often wants to play. I just leave the message and don't read it, since most of the time I enjoy playing games alone. I have tried to tell him this 100 times, but every time I get the same reaction. : "oh why don't you play? I don't understand you lol" "why don't you want to play online?? I hate playing alone". I legit have to go offline on every sosial media to not get messages from him wanting to play.
Am I the asshole for not messagining him? And for not wanting to play with him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
4Kpv0zsN8kVMst3xcfcTqYAWppt47XSL
|
aef7wf
|
{
"description": "moving treadmills because the guy next to me has really strong cologne/deodorant",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for moving treadmills because the guy next to me has really strong cologne/deodorant?
|
I workout at Planet Fitness. I always start my night off by doing 45 minutes on the treadmill. About 15 minutes in a guy comes up on the treadmill right next to me. I was literally the only person on the treadmills at that time so there were at least 20 other treadmills available. Slightly annoying when this happens in general - but no big deal. As soon as he starts running though I keep getting hit with this really strong smell. It’s not body odor - I probably wouldn’t have noticed BO. I don’t smell cute when I workout. But it was like a cologne-y/incensy smell and it was STRONG. He smelled like he had doused himself with White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor and then went to mass in a Catholic Church before hitting the gym. I can’t imagine that anyone would put cologne on before going to the gym so all I can think is maybe it was his deodorant putting in overtime. I tried to put up with it for about another 10 minutes but after I hit 25 minutes I got sick of it. I kind of abruptly got up, cleaned the treadmill off & immediately moved to a different treadmill in the row behind us. Should I feel bad about this? If it were any other situation (like work for example) and if both of us didn’t have headphones in, I might have politely said something But there’s no tactful way to tell a stranger they smell strongly. I also didn’t want to say anything because planet fitness has their no intimidation rule and I have no idea how this guy would react. I should point out I’m new to working out & I don’t know all the ins & outs of gym etiquette. I’m home now and I keep going back and forth between “I’m an asshole” and “I am finally at a point where I’m committed to working out and not even a perfumy man should interrupt my routine.” AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
h6VcBMMtFrmd0B4cJUmKfKCyJpD3vZmV
|
9vhr2h
|
{
"description": "not talking to a lonely girl after she said stupid shit",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not talking to a lonely girl after she said stupid shit?
|
I saw a cute girl and had mutual friends help me to talk to her. Eventually we talk for a but but ultimately she doesn't feel the same way I do. In all fairness, she'd just moved into the country and had only a handful of friends and was sad about leaving her friends in her home country. She might not want a boyfriend, probably just a friend is how I rationalized it. So I keep talking to her as a friend. The following conversations of me explaining how I'm stressed during those days was always met with flat out "you have no reason to be upset" responses. I told her my brother's leaving for the Army: "It's not that bad."; Lot of college work: "Stop worrying"; etc. Its not like she was trying to tell me that I'll be fine in an encouraging way, she practically commanded me to stop complaining. Besides that, there are no other conversation starters that I could think of, very little mutual interests. I just didn't want to speak to her at all after that. She was just so detached. Then our mutual friends kept asking me why I stopped talking to her in the following months and that she doesnt know anyone so I should stay her friend. Am I the asshole??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
H9cas4GAf3WesZnDh61wYX7z6kBYvBvk
|
ar455c
| null |
AITA / is it immature of me for being upset because my gf 'lied' to me?
|
To put it simply, as I don't want to write a 3 page essay for answers from strangers, my girl of 1 year has canceled and rescheduled three days in a row under the guides that she is sick. However, today (and seemingly the past two days) she went out to eat fastfood and hung out with a friend(s).
Is it unreasonable for me to be at least salty about this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wELMlqrCQBrZJmZfXpu7kFnre3lan8o9
|
b9tlfu
|
{
"description": "telling a bad joke on tinder",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling a bad joke on tinder?
|
AITA
So I matched with this girl on tinder, from her profile she seemed like a pretty fun person. She messaged me first, which doesn't happen often for me on tinder. She opened with a joke and we chatted a bit, just jokesy banter. So the tone of the conversation was pretty comical. Anyway I send her a message and she doesn't respond. A day or two go by and no reply. Usually I don't message again in that situation, I figure the ball is in the other persons court, I feel like I deserve more than having to convince a person to be interested, either they're into me or not, and I'm fine with both. But I really liked talking to this girl so I decided to message her again. I send what I belived to be a harmless little quip that fit into the previous jokesy conversation and the context that is tinder. I sent "so you're not gona hit on me anymore? (Crying emoji)" . The joke did not go over like I'd hoped. She answers "What kind of guilt trip joke is this? Am I supposed to feel sorry and apologise?" I was a bit surprised and explained that I just meant it as a joke, she understood but said she lost all interest to keep talking to me. Like I guess I can see where she is coming from, but I still kinda feel she blew this way out of proportion. In hindsight it's not a good joke, but did it really warrant that reaction AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
aATbr5kcD7vZM9jC3tmnqHKTyA5N51to
|
auntjs
|
{
"description": "ostracizing a new coworker from the \"in group\" because of his \"holier than thou\" attitude and his attempts to police our speech",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 23
}
|
AITA for ostracizing a new coworker from the "in group" because of his "holier than thou" attitude and his attempts to police our speech?
|
I work on a team for a semi-large computer networking firm. My team comprises of me and about 7 others including our boss. This team is one of the "Upper" management teams. All of us have masters in comp sci or computer engendering with my boss having his doctorate. We pretty much have final say in anything related to the network and oversee most of the workers and the day to day operation of the network. This is where Brian comes in.
about 3 months ago Brian was hired out of nowhere and brought onto the team. Quickly we found out that the kid was a fresh graduate from college with a bachelors in electrical engendering who was related to one of the owners. This already put him on the outs with us. Almost all of us had at least 4 years experience when we were hired or went through a rigor's hiring process. Outside of him needing his hand held for the first while or so, I tried to be optimistic and friendly with him. Tried is the key word.
He's gotten on almost everybody's nerves and has made sure to make himself the odd one out in every situation. He act's as if he's better than everyone else and makes you know that. This would be bad enough, but he quickly started to complain about how we talked too. In the office when it's just the team, we try to be casual with each other and most of us will swear or make "inappropriate" jokes. Well, soon after he was hired Brian went to our boss to try to get us "reprimanded" for, as he puts it, "Inappropriate actions". My boss pretty much told him to calm down but Brian has made it clear that he doesn't like it and we need to change. Whenever he hears us swear he gets very passive aggressive, making sure to "fake swear" with us (you know how like kids will?) and direct it towards the person he has a problem with.
There are multiple other problems with him as well like his immaturity and and weird views on the media but those are not my concern. Well, with everything that's been going on with him, me and my coworkers slowly decided to simply ignore him. When ever he would try to talk to us we would ignore him unless it was work related. We stopped eating with him, we stopped allowing him to join in on conversation with us, and we pretty much ignored him unless we needed to talk to him. Apparently this hit him hard. From what I understand he's called the heads crying about this multiple times and has complained to hr who refused to do anything. Along with this, without us constantly helping him he's taken a huge hit in performance. Apparently even though he's only been on a few months my boss says the heads are looking into terminating him due to his lackluster performance.
I do feel a little bad here, we did pretty much stop associating with him abruptly and we are his coworkers. But he shouldn't have been hired here either and he's extremely pushy with his views so I don't know. No one on the team want's to talk about it so I'll just ask here, Are we the assholes here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 23
}
|
WRONG
|
TPkLRu2pIoPvk0MSSHx2HUlnygzgZI05
|
apoti5
|
{
"description": "wanting my husband to sell his german wwii memorabilia and donate it to charity",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for wanting my husband to sell his German WWII memorabilia and donate it to charity?
|
Husband's grandfather, who died before my husband was born, was in he German military during WWII. He was NOT in the SS, and from what I understand, he only served in the military because he had to or his family would have been in danger. We now have his issued dagger with swastikas on it and a few medals.
I don't think they're worth a whole lot, but I still think we should sell them and donate the money to charity. We have other, non-military, sentimental items to remember his grandparents by. So, am I the asshole for finding the weapon & medals offensive and wanting them out of my house?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZPDXJofe6GfZScCvh7kwKwe1dEDdBYO5
|
aeuzxm
|
{
"description": "parking within the lines of a parking space",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for parking within the lines of a parking space?
|
I was sitting my car this morning, after parking in a parking garage to eat my breakfast. I get to my work way early to take advantage of our in office gym. So there are plenty of spaces available, but I get to chose a prime spot since I get here so early. I watch another driver attempt to park between myself and another vehicle, and they chose to park elsewhere after a few attempts to get straight. I supposed because it was a tight spot between a column and a wall. I park by the wall, since it makes it easier to get in and out. They get out of their vehicle and are staring at me, they make a nervous smile and come to my window.
I was a bit confused, but wanted to be nice nonetheless since I work with these people. She is pleasant and polite, of course I reciprocate. But, what she says bugs me. She says: “Can I ask you a favor, if you park here again in the future?” Which threw me off since I park in the same spot nearly everyday.
She proceeds as I continue to stare in confusion after uttering a questionable “Okay”. “Well, if you can try to park as close to the wall as possible, it would allow bigger vehicles like mine more room. That way it’s easier for us to get in and out.” Which sounds reasonable, so I say “I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to take up more room than I should. Am I not in my space?” Which she replies, “No, you are in the lines. Just that it would make it easier for me and other bigger trucks. You don’t need all this room. You can park closer to the wall.” This, to be honest, irritated me immensely. I did not argue, and I was not rude. I just said “Okay” as nicely as I could without giving away that this seemed “asshole-ish” to me.
I feel as though this person was being the asshole, but I have come to learn that more often than not, I am the asshole. Help?
TL;DR: AITA for not caring/doing anything when I was asked to give more room in my spot to the parking spot next to me in a parking garage, so SUVs can use space in my spot.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
vRUe2Z2wyKj0RM7lF07UPwojrj1ZrKVK
|
9xqw26
|
{
"description": "biting my wife's fingers off when she attacked me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA Biting my wife's fingers off when she attacked me?
|
Two years ago there was an incident where my wife became extremely physical during an argument. I don't want to go into the details because it was very violent. I know the subreddit rules say that I need to go into detail, so if that's a requirement, please reply to this post and I'll include the order of events.
Anyway .. I defended myself, and when it was finally over, she lost two of her fingers.
Her left ring finger and her left pinky. The ER wasn't able to re-attach either finger.
That was obviously a horrific wakeup call for us. We worked hard not to let our fights escalate to that level ever again. She has turned he life around, which I know is extremely difficult for her. She diligently attends anger management even today. Our families are extremely supportive of us and are very proud of the fact that we have never ever gotten physically violent with one another after that night.
My problem is that I took her wedding ring from her after that night. I told her that when I gave it back to her, it meant that I was ready to fully trust her again. December 12th will be the 2-year anniversary of the night she lost her fingers and I believe that she is expecting her ring back that day. Problem is that I don't want to. I'm not ready.
And this has me thinking... why am I not ready? It's not like I'm scared of her. It's not like I think she'll attack me again. I just don't want her wearing the ring. I don't want to go back to calling her my wife. She's spent the last 2 years trying to rebuild my trust and all I can think about is the fact that she should never wear this ring again.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
HBMJ106xPMkwmLqXZ2NUyacwfJ7DGfk0
|
9ut52l
|
{
"description": "telling my parents that they're embarrassing and pushy",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my parents that they’re embarrassing and pushy
|
I got in an argument with my parents over them taking my Xbox off me cause they had a bad conversation with my English teacher.
They had called my teacher up cause they saw a price of homework and didn’t think it was good enough and my teacher said I wasn’t trying hard enough in lessons
My parents interpreted this as suddenly I’m not doing any work in any lessons despite when they somehow managed to turn my sixth form options evening into a parents evening with all my teachers they got positive feedback and I’m getting highest in the class on certain subjects
My parents then said they’re taking my xbox off me and at this point I was pissed off and said that they were incredibly pushy and were embarrassing and were causing people to take the piss out of me cause my parents where so pushy my parents then got really defensive and my mum got upset
By the end of the argument they had basically said that I was dking well in most my subjects and I was just struggling in English but I’m still banned off my xbox
TLDR:my parents turned one bad conversation into me gking to fail all my GCSE’s and took away my xbox even though I’m doing well at school so I called them pushy and an embarrassment
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
T8WpttMrTehlKUBMupv4IEB3jpxNhIrs
|
apqa5n
|
{
"description": "putting toilet paper on my roommates desks",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for putting toilet paper on my roommates desks?
|
I live in a dorm with 3 other guys. We have one bunk bed and 2 desks in 2 connected rooms and share a bathroom. I picked the roommate that sleeps below me, and the other 2 were randomly assigned to us. They’re nice enough, but not people i’ll probably stay in contact with.
Anyways, our building supplies this awful toilet paper and I definitely think its worth it to buy 2 ply at target. Since we share the bathroom, we share the toilet paper. My roommates don’t really shop much off campus much so I would go buy it which didn’t really bother me.
Until I realized one of my roommates either takes massive shits or uses an absurd amount of TP each time he wipes. Last week, I asked the 2 that I was randomly assigned to if they’d be willing to pay for toilet paper, because me and the other roommate always bought it. They told me they didn’t want to spend the money and would rather just use the free stuff the building provides. They’ve had no problem using the stuff i’ve bought all year, but whatever.
I bought more toilet paper and assumed they would pick up a roll at the front desk. Except they didn’t. After a week, I got annoyed enough to get a little petty. I got 2 rolls when I got back to the building this afternoon & put them on the non-paying roommates desks, to which they were... not thrilled. They think i’m being unreasonable for having 2 rolls of toilet paper in the bathroom (they’re not on a roller or anything) and I think they can either chip in or not use my stuff.
so... am I the asshole?
tl;dr: roommates won’t pay for nicer toilet paper, but are mad that I want them to use the free stuff
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
3qPmOIUoaG2tXeLggcUdPTWXSpxrf9bj
|
aj20gi
|
{
"description": "leaving my dog in the car",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for leaving my dog in the car?
|
I have a rescue dog who is extremely attached to me. He is 110lbs and a German Shepherd. He loves to be in the car, and wants to go with me every time I get in my car. I never let him go if he will be by himself for more than 20 mins, if its warmer than 70 degrees, or colder than 45 degrees. He takes up my entire back seat, is extremely well behaved, and just enjoys the ride.
Today I had to stop at the post office, and then pick my kid up from preschool. Dog went with me. I was in the post office for less than 10 minutes, and it is 48 degrees outside. A lady stopped me in the parking lot and nearly had a stroke, screaming at me. I have a minivan, and leave the back windows open for him.
AITA for doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
iXGi6waJZHEIqm1UTddTjaiiSelC4DAi
|
arh8rx
|
{
"description": "breaking up with them",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with them
|
i didnt want to be in the relationship anymore or ever reconcile but i was so scared to actually break up because i knew how they would take it and it wasn’t well
i was pushed to do it and it went terribly and worse than I could have imagined beforehand and they attempted suicide and blocked me when i begged them to stop and reconsider
their past behaviour and ways of treating me and constant guilt tripping stuck and it made me feel like everything happening was manipulation and abuse and i tried to stop anyone from giving them the validation they wanted because they had no care for what they had done to me
everyone got angry with me for doing what i did even though i thought it was what was best as not to continue something that wasn’t there anymore
everyone turned against me and broke any trust i had ever had in them by spilling everything they had on me that would make me look like a big asshole
i had said some things in the past that weren’t the best or the smartest things to have said but they were because of my unstable and untreated mental health. I couldn’t control what i thought and my issues were so strong that they would control what i did. it was so hard to ignore them that i would do anything it took to make myself feel better and not lose my mind
i have lost pretty much all the connections that have made me feel wanted and i know more than anything right now that nobody really cares about me because they’ve all turned their backs on me because im a human and i make mistakes
this is the worst thing that could have happened and it was all because i didn’t want to lead someone on and hurt them more. i just wanted things to be ok
i have lost the little bit of will to live i had left so please tell me if i was really in the wrong like everyone is making me out to be because i don’t understand
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
gAkYLrY2VcyKex78rDgW9UUbja9w0MlB
|
aeerc8
|
{
"description": "not giving concert tickets back that were a Christmas present",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not giving concert tickets back that were a Christmas present?
|
My now ex girlfriend bought tickets for us to go see one of my all time favorite artists for Christmas. The tickets were relatively cheap, about $17 a piece. Small venue, nothing fancy. She had never heard of the guy until I mentioned that I wanted to go see him, and that tickets would be a great Christmas gift, it was cheap and something I really wanted.
Fast forward a couple weeks, she split up with me, and a couple days later asked for the tickets back because she wanted to sell them. I told her no because they were a gift, and I still planned on using them. She got mad, and it turned into a pretty big argument, that ended when I asked for one of her gifts back so I could return it and get my money back if she was going to sell the tickets. She didn’t like that idea, told me to keep them, and just go to the show. I made plans with a good friend of mine to go with me, and that was that.
Fast forward to today, she asked for just one of tickets back so she could go with some of her friends. Again I told her no that ticket was now being used, and she got mad which again turned into the same argument as before. I told her that if she wanted to go, that she would have to buy another ticket because I already gave it to my friend to go with me.
AITA for not giving her at least her ticket back since she didn’t plan on using it until after I had promised it to a friend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
WwqtI3zXsZMjKOqi9CPQb8o24UCyzWRF
|
a69nrk
|
{
"description": "not condemning the colonialist ideology of shakespearean society",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not condemning the colonialist ideology of Shakespearean society?
|
I'd like to preface this by saying I would never justify the colonialist ideology. They viewed the natives of the lands they colonised as sub human, no sane person today could see that as ok.
The thing is, in my essay on Shakespeare's, The Tempest, at no point did I mention that I didn't agree with the colonialist ideals the play reflected. This is because I thought my grader would just assume I didn't agree with them. Every time I mentioned an aspect of the colonial ideology I made sure to say it was an opinion of Shakespearean society. However, I did talk about it very objectively because I thought that's what you do in an essay.
I was marked down for demonstrating an, 'uneasy acceptance of the colonialist ideology,' to paraphrase my grader and, in their exact words, I went from, 'discussing the Elizabethan colonial ideals to sharing them.'
My own grandfather is from a former French/British colony, I'd never justify the atrocities of the colonialists. Of course I was tempted to write things like, 'the portrayal of Caliban clearly reflected the ideology of those fucking colonialist bastards,' but I've always been told not to be emotive in an essay.
The biggest reason I think I could be the asshole of the situation is a line I wrote in the essay; 'There was a growing fascination with the bizarre peoples who populated the new colonies.'
In the context of the essay I was talking about the way the Elizabethan society viewed the native peoples and figured it was clear that this was their view and not mine.
To put it simply I don't like the implication my grader has made, but I'm concerned that it's justified.
TL:DR Wrote an essay on the colonialist ideology in a Shakespeare play and got marked down for talking about it too objectively.
Sorry for the rant-like nature of the post and my apologies if this doesn't fit the sub, just wanted to know if I'm up my own arse here.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EwvizRmvrEiZDfPKSzEpnVquXbZ5vJCf
|
b0gffh
|
{
"description": "changing the passcode on my phone to prevent my mom from snooping",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for changing the passcode on my phone to prevent my mom from snooping?
|
I'm 15. On mobile, late at night.
Recently my mom went through my phone while I was sleeping with a code I didnt know she knew. It was the PIN number I use at school so I dont know what I expected. She found some messages I didnt want or need her to see between my friends and I. She searched my gallery and uncovered a whole story of an ex I never told her. I got extremely angry and felt I had been violated. So I changed my password. All I did was add a 1, and it worked.
Well not quite. Last night I got violently awoken at around 4:45 by a very angry woman demanding to see my put in my code. I told her no, I value and am entitled to privacy. Her response was. "You're a teenager. You dont deserve privacy." I began to explain (at 4:45) that I am allowed to keep things private from others. She was not having it and responded with such phrases as, "why do you need privacy," "You arent entitled to Jack-shit if I dont say you are" and my personal least favorite, "You don't know a God-Damn thing about privacy enough to want or need it."
I told her I refused to let her see anything until she gave me some aspects of privacy in my life. She agreed. I got scammed. She went through whatever she didnt see in the past week and a half and demanded to know my new passcode. This was about an hour later now and I was just done. I agreed and told her I added a 1. She told me privacy was nothing to me, and I dont deserve it with the comments and jokes i made to my friends (some contained rather inappropriate themes).
So AITI for changing my password to prevent further snooping?
TL;DR: Mom snooped around last week, found interesting info. Went to do it again and was greeted by me having changed my passcode. She went apeshit and said I dont deserve privacy as a 15 year old boy.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
zGxx3l6XygY4n1qnbtvGS2W3HkSZVlwM
|
9tntwe
|
{
"description": "ghosting a friend after he allowed an awful message to be sent to my gf",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting a friend after he allowed an awful message to be sent to my GF.
|
Sorry this is really messy. I’ll try and condense as much as possible.
My girlfriend and I have a friend, we’ll call him Jim. Jim is older than us and recently divorced and since then has been having what can only be described as a mid-life crisis. We both know he’s been down and making bad decisions but we generally only hear about the bad by his housemate and when we see him he says life is good. Every time we see him we do try and get him to open up and make sure he’s okay.
Recently he’s been hanging out with a much younger woman, a ‘model’ who “has a lot of issues” which, fine, who doesn’t?
The issue is that a couple of weeks ago my girlfriend suddenly froze and silently showed me her phone and there was a message from Jim saying “can’t wait to rape you so bad”. I immediately took a picture of her phone and text Jim myself saying “what the fuck is this” and he was very apologetic (to me, weirdly, not my girlfriend) and said it was the girl he was with and that he was furious and she was drunk. We had a brief conversation where I basically let him know that if he wanted to associate with someone who would text that to one of his closest friends - under the guise of it being him - is a real dick person. He then sent me a bunch of messages about how sorry he was and how angry he was at the girl he was with.
Since then, we’ve kind of distanced ourselves from him. She’s not replied to any of his messages and while I’ve replied to a couple, it’s a very limited interaction. I do know he’s having a hard year or two though and I can’t help but feel bad when he sends texts that are obviously feelers to check were all still okay (group message).
Am I the asshole for being annoyed at him? I know it wasn’t him who sent the message - so he said - but I don’t feel like it’s really our responsibility to condone the behaviour of someone he repeatedly defends. There have been a few instances with this girl that have left him in a really bad way but he refuses to acknowledge it because, frankly, she’s young and hot and I think he probably likes the attention.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
yH0yGqdyVPVT0H6U9GZ5Z81ZW9FzFx9o
|
b2m5oz
|
{
"description": "not promising I won't hit my husband in my sleep again",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not promising I won’t hit my husband in my sleep again
|
Backstory - quite frequently I sleep walk/talk and do things that are very absurd and make no sense because I’m asleep. To be fair I am seemingly awake, but after 8 years and many episodes of this my husband is fully aware. Normally we just laugh about it the next day when he tells me what has happened.
So the other day we went to a party and came home fairly drunk and I passed out on the couch. I woke up in my bed and came downstairs in the AM and my husband was PISSED at me.
He told me that he had tried to get me to come to bed and that I had yelled at him to “get the fucking kidney out of the fridge.” And gone back to sleep. He then tried again and I told him “YOU DO KNOW WHAT THE KIDNEY IS, GO GET IT!” The third time he tried I said to “JUST GO TO BED.” And whacked him hard with my arm.
He seemed mad and I said I was sorry, he said that I can’t hit him again and I’m still accountable for my actions when I’m drunk or asleep.
That’s fair, I should definitely not hit him, but I told him I cannot promise him it won’t happen again because I was ASLEEP and I can’t control the things that I do when I’m asleep and that maybe next time he should just leave me alone.
He continued to be angry at me for the rest of the day. I understand he’s going to react however he reacts, but he was acting like I punched him in the face in a drunken rage or something! I thought it was a bit unreasonable to let it drag on for the entire day when clearly it was a sleep incident that I can not control.
Idk. AITA for not promising it won’t happen again?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
NOrvSaXVza8d8U0LoLHuDGZAtyQI7iBn
|
acf0vu
|
{
"description": "telling my best friend to stfu about his relationship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my best friend to stfu about his relationship?
|
I \[19F\] am in a predicament with one of my best friends \[19M\]. He is currently seeing a lovely girl and won't stop telling me about it. I'm glad that he's happy, but it is nonstop. He sends me screenshots of the mushy texts he sends, tells me that he writes her erotic poetry, shows off the hickeys she gives him, and describes their hookups in grotesque detail. Not to mention that this girl is also my ex.
She and I never formally dated, but had a sort of "situationship" until this November. She told me that she didn't want anything serious with me, ever, and broke it off. The next day, she asked my friend out on a date. This friend of mine knew the whole history that I had with her and went anyway. They started hooking up frequently afterwards. I am never one to bite my tongue, so I told him that he'd hurt my feelings and going on a date with her was kind of a dick move. He said, "Way to make everything about you." We moved on from it.
After a few months, I started talking to this girl again and we repaired our friendship. We now text frequently, talk on the phone for an hour about once a week, and write each other letters every so often. I know that I will never have a relationship with her but I still harbor some romantic feelings. She doesn't make mention of my best friend often but said that she thinks that she'll start dating him seriously.
To be honest, I don't see any reason why they shouldn't. They're a fine (albeit strange) match and I like them both. They're going on a trip together next week, though, and he will not stop talking about it. His talk of her has only gotten more and more frequent and intolerable. I had a few drinks last night and I texted him to tell him that I still wasn't over her and it hurt me to hear about this relationship. Nevertheless, he persisted in sending me more screenshots of their texts and gushing about the trip.
Both parties are looking forward to talking to me about the trip and how it goes. I can understand from the girl's perspective--as far as she knows, I'm over her and we have always enjoyed gossiping and talking about our personal lives. I'm confused as to why my guy friend thinks this is okay, though. I'm getting more and more irritated with him.
This brings me to the question: AITA for telling him multiple times that hearing about this relationship hurts me (a.k.a. making everything about me?) And WIBTA for asking him to not tell me anything about the trip? I want to remain friendly with both parties, but I am going to lose my damn mind.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
2b22mjOz9q4M5XJuzI2vQiGrl9dnk0GU
|
b5q2rj
|
{
"description": "not agreeing that ptsd is such a horrible thing for someone to go through",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 37
}
|
AITA for not agreeing that ptsd is such a horrible thing for someone to go through?
|
my (25m) gf (23f) got doagnosed with ptsd 2 yrs ago, we’ve been together a month under that. we used to be best friends and soo close and now she’s like a different person. I know what she went thru and it doesn’t seem that bad??? she had a couple abusive bfs and her mom used to hit her, but ive had abusive gfs and my gpa (I was raised by him, rents not in the picture) popped me on the jaw a couple times when I was in hs and im fine. its really weird too bc she’ll seem fine for a few days and then just have a meltdown over nothing and then we have a fight about it bc there’s no reason for her to be freaking out lol (it happens around friends sometimes and it’s really embarrassing) and then shes fine and happy for a couple days and it happens all over again. sometimes later she admits that she wasn’t actually upset about what she said she was upset about and it was something “ptsd related” and then I get madder and we fight again bc she’s lying to me about what’s actually wrong and that’s pretty manipulative imho, and she gets more upset and starts yelling about brain changes and other stuff that doesn’t make sense and how im not listening and then cries for like hours. I try not to give in to her attention grabbing bc she needs to grow up but fuck. she does kinda shitty things sometimes and told me she tries to keep her actions in check but doesn’t “have a lot of control over her perception of reality” right now or something. seems to me like just an excuse to be immature and throw temper tantrums over basic shit and get away with it. i love her and all but its honestly driving me away, seems like there’s always something wrong with her and its soo frustrating lol. I wish she’d just talk openly with me and actually be honest bc there IS something wrong with her that she needs to get fixed but it always ends up being confusion and fighting and im sick of her games. she just refuses to get over her shit and chooses to stew and bitch. I keep telling her to chill and stop thinking about it and watch some fuckin tv or something and she’ll try that then have yet another meltdown and makes all these excuses about how taking her mind off it somehow makes it worse lol? she couldn’t get therapy for a bit after diagnosis bc she was waiting for work benefits to kick in but she’s starting soon, and that also kinda seems suspicious? as soon as shes diagnosed with this very convenient thing where people let you do whatever you want without consequences she has to stop the thing thatll get her fixed?? she says all thats rly expensive but all she had to do was ask me for help and she didnt
AITA for thinking either ptsd isn’t that fucking bad or my gfs just a brat? maybe both? I miss my girl but I feel like she just faked the beautiful, hilarious person she was when we started going out. im very hurt by all this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 36,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 37
}
|
WRONG
|
AGBAUcSgS3ZKDaWI7mo3BpUZg44ibj5b
|
avw4o3
|
{
"description": "not giving my phone number to get a free calendar",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I didn't give my phone number to get a free calendar?
|
Each year a local radio station has a calendar full of lovely ladies that they give away free at sponsored events. I went to an event hosted at an upscale jewelry store. The type I would never be in if not for the free calendar. While waiting in line to get my calendar, one of the store workers was asking everyone for their phone number so she could text them a link to a specific review site, and asked that everyone post a positive review of the store. Everyone else gave up their information willingly, but when she got to me I just told her "I'm not doing that", and she gave me a mean scowl.
AITA here? If you have a review you'd like me to post, say "hey, can you write us a review on yelp/facebook/yellowpages/google/whatever. Thanks!" I'm still not gonna do it probably, because I'm not actually shopping there, I just happen to be there, but I'll lie to placate you. But there is no reason I should have to identify myself to them and give them my information just so they can get a review. They just want it to market to me later, right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
uCFWScYcBQ0PBrrGEi84KLwctNLWsi6s
|
ard2yw
|
{
"description": "ghosting on multiple boyfriends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for ghosting on multiple boyfriends?
|
First time making a post instead of commenting in this subreddit. So this is a little bit of a story so bear with me.
I've been on dates but I've only dated two people for any length of time. The first guy was when I was a teenager and it was online. We did the normal long distance relationship thing, and met him in person twice. After meeting him I completely 100 percent lost interest and just stopped talking to him. We eventually got to the point where we started talking again and became friends, but still I felt he deserved to get a formal breakup. He was 16 and I was 17, so I sort of chalked it up to being immature.
Cut to 7 years later. Hadn't dated anyone seriously at all, in fact had probably only had 2 or 3 dates in that length of time. Not for lack of opportunity, but just complete apathy and lack of interest. Started dating a co worker. I know, I know, this was a terrible idea and will never happen again. He seems nice, and I wanted to give dating him a shot. For me it wasn't anything serious, very casual just two people having a good time.
He became extremely clingy, extremely fast. Texting all hours of the day, constantly wanting to hang out. I'm an introvert and need my space/alone time which I explained but was ignored. After 6 weeks of dating, he told my coworker that I could be The One. I barely had any interest in dating him in the first place, and it came to a point where I found him just annoying.
Instead of breaking it off, I started ignoring him. Ignoring his texts, calls, and avoiding him at any cost. I had found a new job by that point so it wasn't that difficult. I remember thinking, "ugh can't he take a hint?"
Eventually he stopped, never spoke to him again.
I had an informal date a six months ago from high school. I felt 0 attraction to him though he was nice enough, we went out separate ways. Gave no indication I was interested in a second date. He keeps sending me messages every few weeks asking me if we can meet again or how my week is going. Can you guess what I did? Yeah, ghosted. I could just tell him I'm not interested but something in me literally doesnt want to make the effort.
So I need some help Reddit, am I the asshole? Or are my exes just way too clingy which caused me to run for the hills?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
wWhLhlnUz13hGYayIxRP1rlVJrFM1ZgT
|
b4jbh5
|
{
"description": "being annoyed that my partner's father screwed us over by killing himself",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being annoyed that my partner's father screwed us over by killing himself
|
Now my partner didn't have a good relationship with his dad (his dad was a severe alcoholic and abusive). My partner (20M) and I (21F) just moved to a new flat and had just found jobs, his dad killed himself back on a different island to us. The travel back and forth cost us a lot (ferrys being £85-£100 return). The funeral cost us around £4.7k because there is only one place on the island and they have monopoly. Obviously we weren't the most financially stable, so this has hit us hard. We've borrowed round £3.5k from my family and a couple grand from his side (causing them all fall behind). My partner is pissed off that this has all happened.
We have possession of all of his dad's things, including two cats (of which I'm allergic), I'm torn as our new home is just filled with his dad's stuff and the cats. We were supposed to get another tenant but we can't with all his dad's belongings. Yes we're trying to sell a lot of furniture off. I guess I'm annoyed that it's knocked us back. I tried talking to my partner asking how he's coping but he's shut off emotionally and is stuck in his head.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
Bx8HxaDlrCLFpKuIsFo4TFlsGTT2y53g
|
9t7hyg
|
{
"description": "not wanting to remain friends with a woman who I was only looking for a romantic relationship with",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For not wanting to remain friends with a woman who I was only looking for a romantic relationship with?
|
I met this woman while doing some volunteering for a club I am a part of at my college campus. I had seen her around before, but I had been informed that she had a boyfriend a year prior. Whilst talking to her i jokes about my own relationships, of which I had none and was single. She remarked that she was also single by 6 months or so. I found out that her ex boyfriend dumped her.
After the volunteering we toured a little fall festival on campus and hit it off quite well. I got her number and we made plans for an outing soon after in the week. Ended up going to a fast food restaurant at her behest. I brought a bouquet of flowers which she accepted readily and seemed to really enjoy.
A few days later I wanted to meet with her again so I messaged her about going on a “date”. She replied that she really enjoyed hanging out with me as well as my company and that she would love to go out with me, but only wanted to be friends and not go out on dates, just friendly outings.
I replied that I was not interested in remaining just friends and that it would probably be best if we parted ways. (I tend to catch feelings quick, and it does not help that I spoke to this woman due to the fact I knew she was single, otherwise I would have been more cautious.)
She ended up getting offended and ranted at me through text saying she didn’t understand why I wanted to part ways when she was “just being sincere about her feelings toward me.”
So, am I the asshole here? I’ve asked friends and it’s been pretty split by gender. Most Women say I’m the asshole and that I should have remained friends, and most men said it was alright to move on because I’m looking for a relationship, not more friendships.
TL;DR OP met a woman, went out with her, then was told she only wanted to be friends. OP did not want to be friends and decided it would be best to cut ties.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
QznuCoyDvG4IZKSyRrEdfB3HRGPInF5j
|
amc1r6
|
{
"description": "posing as a customer to put a complaint in about my coworker",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA for posing as a customer to put a complaint in about my coworker?
|
I’ve been working at this place for years and in the past 6 months we hired a new girl, I’ll call Marie. Marie has been a problem from day 1. She’s rude to customers and staff, flat out refuses to serve customers when asked, is never working where she should be, wanders aimlessly to avoid customers and has a terrible attitude. Unfortunately she’s the only one willing to work as late as the store closes (unless we hire someone new).
I spoke to my direct manager about this. She was infuriated as she’d received a verbal customer complaint and we’d had a contractor complain about her too. My manager was ready to fire her but needed someone to replace her shifts. That manager has now gone on indefinite leave.
The store manager, who I’ve also relayed this to has already spoken to Marie about her constantly coming into work late (I was unaware of this) but hasn’t been taking anyone’s complaints about her seriously.
The one thing the company does take seriously is customer complaints online. They have to go though the management chain before they reach our store so higher up managers are also aware of the situation. I’m at a loss for what else to do but I cannot work with Maire anymore, knowing she’s been spoken to by management about her attitude and work ethic but won’t change.
However I’m quite conflicted about possibly ruining a girls career and impersonating a customer to do so but I don’t really know what else can be done to get managements full attention.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
Ac69uWoCmZMOLn2lPfwUG3JkvZV5xLuw
|
axdeon
|
{
"description": "not dating a girl because she was my boss's sister",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
Aita for not dating a girl because she was my boss's sister
|
Using a throwaway for this because theres some things I wouldn't want to spill.
So for context I was manager at this fast food restaurants and let's say my gm was a certified bitch no way around it she made my life hell and I was promoted through the efforts of everyone but her. Now comes about a year ago when this new girl starts. She's super nice super funny super motivated and into the same things I'm into. She calls me her first work friend and wants to hang out a lot. It's not till a week later one of my coworkers tells me how they're related and they (possibly) live together. Now seeing that my mind and heart told me I couldn't date her anymore. A year later and I quit and she hits me up to see how I'm doing (I quit because I had I falling out with her sister) and she asks if i would want to go out on a date and I tell her I just don't feel comfortable knowing you two are related. Later on I get a call from an ex coworker saying how I'm an asshole and I had a bullshit reason for not liking her.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
kw1iFI5XMUP3wQYp9Quhccyi8AFYQz5b
|
abyywd
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my girlfriend for hiding my cigarettes and, in retaliation, hiding her phone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my girlfriend for hiding my cigarettes and, in retaliation, hiding her phone?
|
The standard: on mobile so formatting or autocorrect may be wrong. And TL;DR at the bottom.
So, a bit of background to this. I currently live with my girlfriend and she's expecting our daughter in a couple of months. So before I get into it, I KNOW smoking is bad for me and a baby (not to mention anyone else) so spare me the lecture, I'm not an idiot - I don't smoke indoors and I always use peppermint oil to mask the smell (trust me, it does mask it, my girfriend has admitted it) so I'm not an intrusive smoker. I'm respectful and I try not to let this affect anyone else's life. She's mentioned previously that this is NOT an issue in the relationship one little bit. We regularly joke that I'm almost a 'secret smoke' as I often completely disappear, have a cig and then come back smelling of peppermint.
Anyway, I normally come home from work at about 7pm and need to have a cigarette after a stressful day, it helps me relax. My girlfriend knows my routine and she goes about this unaffected normally.
Today however, she gives me a hug as normal when I get in and, without me knowing, goes into my pocket and steals the cigarette packet out of my jacket pocket. I'm a man of habit so they're always in the same pocket. She goes into the bedroom and I pour myself a drink of water in the kitchen.
Anyway, I reach into my pocket so that I can get a cigarette out and go for a smoke. Of course, I couldn't find them. I KNEW they were there when I was walking from my train as I always check whenever I get off the train and do the 'four pocket tap': phone, wallet, keys and cigarettes. Next minute, my gf comes down with a wry smile on her face and says "you'll have to find them".
At this point I get pissed, in the infancy of our relationship, she used to do this ALL THE TIME but after many times of telling her that it wasn't funny because it stresses me out, she stopped. However, for whatever reason she decided it would be funny to do today. No idea why.
Now, I'm visibly getting stressed and I go upstairs to try and find them and couldn't. Obviously I'm mad at this point because I hate people ruining my routine, even little things like this (I know it's stupid, but she knows this). I see her phone on the bed side table and hide it on the top of my wardrobe (out of her reach). She eventually comes upstairs for her phone. She asks if I've seen it and this is how the convo goes:
Me: yeah I've seen it. I'll tell you where it is when you tell me where my cigarettes are.
Her: That's so childish. Just give me my phone.
Me: Not until you give me my cigarettes. You know full well I hate it when you hide them. I've had this issue with you before. So I'm taking something YOU'RE addicted to until you give me them back.
Her: You're a fucking horrible, spiteful person.
Me: No, you're just being a childish bitch. Just tell me where they are and you can have your phone.
Anyway, eventually she tells me where they are (they're in her top drawer of her bedside cabinet - which I NEVER go in). I give her her phone back and to me, the issue is resolved. However, she keeps saying how much of an arsehole (asshole) I am and won't let it go...so AITA?
TL;DR Gf stole my cigarettes and hid them when she knows I normally go for one, so I hid her phone until she told me where they were. To me, the issue was resolved but she keeps telling me I'm an arsehole.
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
aSdzTtC5p4opKBhhS4HQfAgDI50YQ9mC
|
afaf3k
|
{
"description": "standing up for myself at work against my trainer",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for standing up for myself at work against my trainer?
|
I am between changing careers and started working at an office as a temporary worker a couple of months ago. The person who trains me is a 50ish year old Chinese lady who I have to share a cubicle with. She was really nice at first but over the weeks have become quite nasty to me.
At the risk of looking like I am trying to persuade you on my side there is quite a bit of context so I will have to go into some personal details.
This lady’s cubicle habits include burping like Homer Simpson at least 5 times a day; ripping loud farts and acting like nothing happened; cackling like a witch at anything she finds amusing and this includes a minor typo someone made in an email; and smelling like sulphur at any given time of the day by snacking on what seems like boiled eggs that have gone bad. I do not say anything to her about these habits but no doubt they contributed in how I see her and lowered the level of tolerance I am willing to give out. I find these habits quite repulsive.
While she is a wealth of knowledge of her area of expertise as she has been there for 7 years she is not good at explaining things. She also talks really fast when she explains things because it comes naturally to her. While I am trying to decipher one sentence through her accent she’s already said a paragraph. Of course she will act completely surprised when you don’t understand her. Almost right away I asked her to slow down because it is hard for me to understand what she is saying and I believe she took it as a slight to her English. Since it is necessary for me to understand her I did not feel bad.
During the first day of training she mentioned that everyone at work is jealous of her. When asked to clarify she informed me that she had been accused of not pulling her weight by her coworkers who work in nearby cubicles and have gotten talked to by management about this issue. I shrugged it off and didn’t think much of it. More on this later.
As time went on she started acting quite controlling and strange including telling me what exit to use out of the building to leave on particular days for reasons I can’t comprehend. These are not time saving tips for me but rather more like feng shui tips which she constantly reads on her computer at lunch time. They do not make sense for me to take so I just smile and ignore them. She also insisted that I lock my computer when I walk away which is a good advice but she says someone has been messing with her files whenever she goes to the washroom. I know for a fact this is not the case as the one time she didn’t log off when she went to the washroom she accused me of messing with her files. She says someone has been doing this for months and months and she is baffled they are not satisfied.
As a person who is being trained I believe it is fair of her to get me to do a variety of tasks for exposure but as time went on I noticed that she was not doing any work except saving and archiving her emails. All the while delegating all the work onto me. This went on for the first month. When she pointed out a minor mistake I made which is the same mistake she makes all the time (a part of my job is going through her old files and updating them with new documents) I told her I feel pressured since I am being asked to do a lot of work and that we should start sharing the tasks so I can take my time to make sure I am not making mistakes. I said this very politely but she did not like this one bit as her face turned flush red and her voice dropped like she was brewing in deep madness after a shock. She did not speak to me unless it was necessary that day.
The day after she started speaking to me in a very annoying hateful tone that sounds like a screechy whiny yelling session. I cannot stand these yelling sessions so I tend to cut her off in mid sentence and say I got it. Then she does this thing where she says the exact same thing but in slightly different words so I have to cut her off again. Now it was quite obvious to me she enjoys telling me off over a mistake so not 3 minutes after I pointed out a mistake that she made which I happened to be looking at and told her that she needs to be careful as well. Further I went on to tell her I see her mistakes all the time but I don’t point them out instead I fix it for her because we are a team and I don’t want to point out every single mistakes because there are a lot of them. By this time we are not on speaking terms unless it is necessary for work.
The day after she seemed enragedover a mistake so I told her the truth. I told her that she needs to better explain things because this was not something we went over. She then proceeded to yell at me about how when she first started she had to learn on her own so I should try to learn on my own as well. I yelled back at her I am giving her a feedback so the next person she trains (meaning I won’t be there) will be better off. She then proceeded to yell at me more about how she had to learn on her own so I told her okay. I descalated the situation by telling her I don’t want to get into an argument with her and that I was there to work and not fight. I also said I want to enjoy the place I am working at and I can’t do that if I am not getting along with people. She said that is the reason why she keeps rocking herself at work because everyone is jealous of her. I put on earbuds after this and I told her to get my attention if she needs me. This is a way for me to cut out all chit chats and keeping all exchanges exclusive to work. This was just yesterday. She asked me a question one time, I answered her then she tried to make the conversation about something else so I immediately looked away and put the earbuds back in to tune her out.
The management at work noticed I am a good worker since the piles of documents that were on her desk started disappearing since I started working there. The piles of work we get in the mail, she does not like me doing them and always tells me not to worry about them although it is just as important. I personally believe this is because she wants other people to see how much work she has to do. Since I started working 3 piles of 2 feet stacks have shrunk down to less than 10 pages as of this week. I was hinted at a full time position offer in about a month by management but the last couple of weeks I have not been enjoying my time because of her.
Am I the asshole? As a temporary worker should I take the power trip with a good smile and do the work quietly? I admit I have no filter in situations that I feel strongly about and should have more tact but the way she yells at me now is more than what I am willing to personally take.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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R5zNgIg0W8gE9bUJTyCmXPBccZTc2R1u
|
b89ags
| null |
AITA for the arguments I used in a fight with my quasi-MIL, and that fight also ending MIL's relationship to my girlfriend?
|
My gf Lara grew up without parents, but with a big inheritance. There was a non-relative woman who took her in and who became her mother figure. This quasi-MIL seemed nice to me, but behind my back, she was telling lies to her entire family, like that I never paid rent after moving in with Lara and that I only liked her because of her money. She started trying to convince my gf to leave me. Lara didn't tell me about this for months.
​
​
MIL claimed that Lara has become like her second daughter, but while she always made sure that her real daughter had enough time to study, she never gave a shit about Lara's education. Lara instead was asked to do an unappropriate amount of chores at home, that literally kept her from studying. Lara didn't even get to go to the same prestigious school as the real daughter did. Still, Lara felt thankful to have a family in them that she even paid them rent and bought their groceries in order to not be a nuisance. So these things Lara confided in me. It was her own idea to pay the rent and groceries, and she never saw anything wrong with doing all the chores. She never noticed how weird it all was.
​
​
After months of MIL's campaign against me, Lara had a long conversation with her quasi-mother, telling her she'll spend the rest of her life with me, and if MIL doesn't accept that, she'll only play a minor role in the life of her future quasi-grandchildren. From then on, our relationship improved a little.
​
​
Then, a friend told me what had been happening behind my back prior to my gf's conversation with MIL (which I didn't know about). It sounded like it was still going on. I asked Lara about it, and she confirmed that MIL had said and done all these things. I wrote MIL and told her I knew about her trying to split us up, and about the rent lies. I said that she's a hypocrite to say that because she didn't treat Lara like a second daughter, she treated her like a slave.
​
​
After my rant, MIL just blocked my number and sent Lara screenshots. Lara was angry , she said that the arguments I used were things that never had bothered her herself. Also, she told me about the conversation she had had with MIL, and that our relationship had improved so much already, and that I had destroyed that. MIL went low contact with Lara until a small unrelated fight, when she broke off all contact.
​
​
Sometimes I wonder if I should just have not said anything at all to MIL and just not have come along anymore when Lara visited her. I'm responsible for her losing her mother-figure, even though it was a horrible one. Without her, Lara probably wouldn't be the amazing loving person that she is. Lara isn't angry with me anymore, she has realized that while it was not my fight to fight, what I had told MIL was actually right.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
wNLiFo3WoTyNljhp0YVJQik8ht5pTq9v
|
adp62e
|
{
"description": "being upset that my parents gave my wedding fund to my sister to freeze her eggs",
"pronormative_score": 891,
"contranormative_score": 128
}
|
AITA for being upset that my parents gave my wedding fund to my sister to freeze her eggs?
|
I want to preface this by saying that I’ve been 100% financially independent from my parents since the day I graduated college. I know they don’t owe me a dime and I’m grateful for everything they’ve given me in life.
I have a sister who is about a decade older than me, and my parents promised each of us a set amount of money towards our weddings. My sister used this money to have a big, beautiful wedding and I’m happy my parents were able to help make her special day like something out of a fairytale. Now it’s my turn to get married, but my parents have admitted to me that they gave away the money they had saved for my wedding to my sister.
My sister, a mother of one, had a series of health problems and had to freeze her eggs if she ever wanted to have another child. She didn’t have the money and only had a few weeks before her hysterectomy so she asked my parents for the $13,000, which they obviously gave her. My sister was absolutely devastated by her health issues and scared, and because they’re great people, my parents were willing to do anything to make her feel better.
I know I sound like a selfish, vapid bitch for prioritizing my wedding over her fertility, but she was 36 when she got the diagnosis. There was no telling how long it would take for her health to recover, and it would be years before they could even afford supporting another infant, let alone the tens of thousands a surrogate would cost. I knew she would never have the means to use those eggs before she was 40, and she has made it very clear that she wouldn’t want to have an infant at that age. In my opinion, she acted in panic and wanted a safety net that she knew she would never use. I don’t blame her for being scared. I would have been terrified to.
But I’m still upset that now I won’t be able to have much of a wedding because I had been counting on the funds my parents had promised. I’m not so much upset that they gave it to her, but I am upset that they gave it to her *knowing* nothing would ever come of it. That they traded my wedding day for her brief peace of mind. My sister has confirmed already that she and her husband will not be having another child.
When my parents told me there was no money, they were obviously stricken and apologetic. I couldn’t hide my disappointment. I really tried to reassure them that I understood, but they could tell I was hurt. My sister called later and told me that it sucks I can’t have a ‘fancy wedding’ (like hers) but basically I need to grow up. Which seemed hypocritical, since she made such a big deal out of her wedding needing to be extravagant. She said she’s sorry, but at the time her future children were more important than one day in my life not being as nice as I’d hoped.
I know this isn’t the end of the world. This is dumb and petty in the grand scheme of things and I feel ridiculously shallow for being so upset over losing my dream wedding. I’m still getting married. My wedding won’t compare to my sister’s, but I’m still marrying the love of my life and it will still be an awesome day.
Thanks for sticking with me through the story. I know plenty of you are rolling your eyes over the dramatic bullshit that comes with weddings. So, am I overreacting? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
xwOCcj7HN91rgb5UK7NyT9GoO2zjl9jG
|
9wagq1
|
{
"description": "cutting a close friend off",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting a close friend off
|
TL:DR at bottom
I met this girl over a year ago and she was one of the sweetest people I'd ever met, we instantly became friends and she became very dear to me. After about 2-3 months she just disappears for 3 entire months. No explanation, didn't respond to any message, just gone. This made me think the worst had happened but then after 3 months she just comes back like nothing happened. No explanation then either, just starts a casual convo. However, I learned just before she disappeared, she had shared some really personal things about me to someone else without my permission, which I was understandably annoyed about.
I'm a bit angry but ultimately glad she's okay and I ask her about it to which she more or less avoids the question. After a while things were normal again, and she does it again. Mid convo just disappears for 2 weeks. The convo we were actually having was about some tough shit I was going through, so her just up and leaving that convo after offering to support me, pissed me off. (But I do understand she may have been uncomfortable because of the topic, either way I wish she didn't just up and leave) She comes back and tells me shes sorry and how she promises it won't happen again. I explain to her how this causes me a lot of worry and stress and she then tells me shes depressed (but hasn't been diagnosed) and as someone who has been dealing with mh issues for 10 years, I do understand how it messes with you. I'm usually a really forgiving person but this kept happening. It happened 8 times. It could be months or weeks I never knew! One of our mutual friends cut her off before I did because of this and as I discussed this with a friend they said it felt like she kept doing it to toy with me as she knew I would always accept her back into my life. But I don't think she was manipulative like that.
Every time I would explain to her this upset me, she would say the same promise, tell me shes depressed and everytime I would explain how I understand but to please let me know when she wouldn't be active for a while. She never did. About a month ago I was talking to her like normal and mid convo she stops replying to me, however remained active on social media. (I fully understand I'm not entitled to anyone's time and I'm okay with that) but this had been a full 2 weeks of her not responding to me even though she knew I was extremely worried as I expressed that to her. I guess I hit a breaking point and I just blocked her. She messaged me on Skype a few days ago and I fully explained why I did what I did, she seemed to understand but I still find myself thinking I was a bit over dramatic despite the fact I was extremely hurt and she knew it caused me stress.
TL:DR a close friend kept disappearing for weeks/months and would consistently make false promises and didn't listen to me expressing how this upset and worried me, I snapped and blocked her after 2 weeks of being blatantly ignored, explained over Skype why but she understood.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
7nBzAQimJQQduDYUcYA3Wsw4NZoxNMYK
|
b1851w
|
{
"description": "watching wrestling with my boyfriend mostly just to look at hot guys",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for watching wrestling with my boyfriend mostly just to look at hot guys?
|
My boyfriend likes to watch professional wrestling. I like to watch men perform dramatic athletic feats while not wearing a lot of clothes, but am generally indifferent to the actual wrestling part. My boyfriend will regularly put matches on the TV while I'm on my computer nearby or while we're eating together. I politely refrain from making any comments about the hotness of said wrestlers. Even so, my boyfriend totally called me out for ogling someone in a submission hold and I couldn't deny it. He wasn't upset, mostly amused. No harm no foul, but it still seems a little scummy for me to be taking an interest in my boyfriend's hobby just to admire other men. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
bysqnpEaPBi6djvShZZT2EaJZdQOn55B
|
a0ycma
|
{
"description": "treating coworkers/friends/potential roommates like children",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for treating coworkers/friends/potential roommates like children?
|
Disclaimer: I include a *lot* of details as I initially felt they were relevant to the point, but I only just realized how much I rambled. TLDR at the end, thank you in advance.
​
For some background info, I've worked at a grocery store deli for about 6 months. There's a variety of personal drama with these people, but that is a whole other can of worms I could rant about. Anyways, 2 of my (21f opening shift) new coworkers (19m & 20f closing shift) are kinda dorky and are easy for me to be around, as they're so chill and don't play games as other people do. I am definitely more mature and experienced than they are, but it's refreshing being able to act my age and just enjoy myself. We've hung out a few times outside of work and have a group text going on, and we all live with our parents, me being the only one to have ever moved out and been "on my own" before (lived with other roommates.) Now, we've all gotten pretty fed up with being adults still under our parent's rules (and other reasons in my case), so we've been talking about getting a place together before the start of next summer.
I for one, am super thrilled about all the perks of having roommates again. BUT, there is a huge ordeal going on at work where no one closing shift (including these 2) will do anything properly, going as far as wasting massive amounts of food and leaving trash and food sitting out all night long. These 2 aren't part of the older worker's drama where they deliberately leave stuff and half-ass everything, but they are very slow workers and do a poor job of cleaning things, and are generally not very knowledgeable about, well, anything. Keeping it at work alone is pretty frustrating cus that's 8 hours a day I have to deal with it, but I'm not sure I can trust them to be clean, responsible, and accountable for their actions if we are to be roommates.
My first thought was to write up a contract and/or set of rules that we can all discuss and compromise on, which I'm sure isn't too out of the ordinary. However, my experiences with past friends/roommates and the present work situation are making me go into crazy strict detail about what living together will be like. I want to go as far as agreeing on the consequences for breaking rules (maybe not on this first meeting though). We are meeting tomorrow to sit down and hash out some of these details before we start saving our money and searching for places in the upcoming months, WIBTA if I brought in a serious attitude and list of my requirements? I know that isn't fun and not exactly something many people would want in someone they live with, but I don't want to get myself stuck in a living situation that I can't stand being in, as I've been there before. I certainly feel like I am going to come off as an asshole, but is it ok to be TA in this situation?
TLDR, my coworkers/new friends are inexperienced kids and want to be roommates which is what I want, but I can't trust that they will be reliable and have been in bad situations with other friends/roommates in the past. WIBTA if I held them to a strict set of rules when living together in a shared rental property?
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
KNNGjTLgv43DcB3OzKFOSb6OzR2UZcsT
|
b5v1ia
|
{
"description": "reminding my bf to use deodorant or brush his teeth",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for reminding my bf to use deodorant or brush his teeth?
|
So, I [23f] have a boyfriend [25m] who constantly ignores to do his basic hygiene routine such as brushing his teeth, using deodorant, changing socks / dirty clothes, ignoring the fact that he needs a haircut or it's time to trim his beard, or that the hair between his eyebrows grows as well, and maybe he should take care of it too, etc...
We've been dating for almost 2 years and we live together so I pretty much notice all the things that he doesn't do, so I decided to tell him that it would be nice if he took a bit more care of those small things. His reaction was fine, he said that he was sorry and he would do that now. It's been two months since we talked about it, and he seems to ignore it again. Now I feel like and AH for 1) asking him that again, because I don't want him to think that I'm less attracted to him or whatever, 2) making him do things he doesn't care about because this is *HOW I* want it, and that I'm indeed don't enjoy a smelly partner.
He's not in depression whatsoever, he's perfectly capable of handling all the other things in life, that's just the way he was raised I guess.
So, is it okay to ask for some basic things like that, or AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
1KRUkwrA4PniZkZljb3mHqtxbuXhLZxg
|
ae0xk0
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship, because she has abusive parents",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for ending a friendship, because she has abusive parents?
|
So i have a friend, let's call her Anne. She's a trans woman, recently came out to her parents, and they're very, very transphobic. They make passive aggressive comments towards her appearance, deadname her, use male pronouns, etc. they're also just incredibly awful people in general, they berate her for being stupid (which she's not, she has bad grades in school due to mental health problems) make fun of her anxiety, and i've even seen her get slapped for hyperventilating during a panic attack. I am a lesbian, and grew up with abusive parents, and because of it, seeing and hearing the way they treat her is very triggering for me and gets to be too much to handle. but she insists they're not really that bad, theyre only like that because she's their only kid and they're just making mistakes, parenting is difficult, they'll come around eventually.
I've offered advice, because she agrees their transphobia is wrong, but if i dont tiptoe around her and play devils advocate while i try to help, she gets mad and tells me i dont know what im talking about.
As much as i care about Anne, her family is too triggering for me and the way she continues to defend their emotional abuse, despite her knowing about my past, is stressing me out. if i end my friendship with her over this, am i being an asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Bv3qtoYEqwNclbFs2AIidaIzuwXxa158
|
ali5kx
|
{
"description": "not refunding his money",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not refunding his money?
|
Hey everyone, the issue is this:
I sold an individual a drone through one of the major buy/sell online marketplaces. As it was unused for some time, I charged it up and tested it the weekend before the sale to ensure it was working properly. It flew fine, but I wasn't able to fly it for too long due to the high winds that weekend (which eats up battery like crazy).
When we met up later that week for the sale, he mentioned that it was for his son. I'm a big softie for good parenting and I offered to lower the price to which he accepted with thanks. I then offered to fly the drone to prove it works (as standard for any pricey sale), but he said it was fine as he has other drones and "I seemed trustworthy". Of course I was flattered, but this isn't a cheap drone and I offered a second time. He said the same thing, to which I asked "are you sure?" and he replied with a yes.
I sold him the drone and we parted ways.
About a month later, he messaged me saying that his son had only used the drone "two or three times" while under his supervision and the drone is now failing to fly. He asked for a refund (later changed to a partial refund) saying I had sold him a defective drone. We exchanged quite a few messages, but the gist is:
I refused because it was working when I owned it but I did feel bad, so I said I would be willing to purchase a replacement motor (that seemed to be the issue) or refund him a small amount. He said that he should have tested it out that day (which is true, but I did offer) and that he thought I was trustworthy (which hurt, because I like to think I *am* trustworthy).
In the end, there were no more messages and I assume the drone is still broken.
---
AITA for not accepting the drone back and giving him a refund?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
nffB07OVQHMJIle6ou6rYWnn1r2PLweF
|
a0d061
| null |
AITA, Friend of a friend of mine hits me up to go to lunch. Shows up with his GF. Asks if they can spend the night at my college apartment. I comply. They ask for my bed, then for all of my sheets.
|
So a friend of a friend of mine who I have hung out with in a group setting a few times hits me up out of the blue wanting to grab lunch. I agree, and we decide to meet up. I show up and realize that he brought his girlfriend. I don’t mind, but just thought it was going to be us two grabbing lunch and “catching up.” Realize that he’s acting suspiciously kind and eventually says that him and his girlfriend are in the area for vacation (southern california) and since we’re all cheap/ broke college students they want to spend the night at mine rather than get a hotel.
I let them know that since I’m a college student, living in an apartment far from home, I literally don’t have any guest supplies. I even share the bathroom with one of my other housemates. I tell them that I don’t have any extra bed sheets or pillows, and that I don’t mind if they spend the night at my place, just as long as they are aware that the place is not only very small, but has a lack of beds/ sheets.
Fast forward to that night, right around the time when I’m getting ready for bed, they show up. His girlfriend is acting very entitled to say the least. She even tells my “friend” to ask me if they can sleep on the bed and I sleep on the couch since they are two people and I am one... He at least has the audacity not to ask even though both of them know I can hear them as I am standing a few feet away. A few minutes later though, he comes up and asks if they could have my bed sheets and I sleep on a bare mattress. Confused, I reply and tell him that I had stated the situation beforehand at lunch and what they were doing was not right.
They angrily slept on the couch, left early in the morning, leaving my apartment door unlocked, and I never heard from them again. Still confused about it to this day.
I usually try to show as much hospitality to my guests as possible, but this was in the middle of the school semester and I had class the following day. Never invited them at first, and told them the situation. Not sure if they expected anything more or..?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
vSSVdBTTZRz3bxGCgud2mjFeQ6k32W19
|
b2rtx3
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to lower her expectations for college",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for telling my friend to lower her expectations for college?
|
A little while ago, my affluent friends's mom took him on a college trip to Cornell and he decided that that was his dream school, an idea his mom supported. When he talked about it being his dream school the next day, I became a little worried, because I thought the chances of him getting in were little to zero, and I didn't want him to be disappointed. I say this because we go to a private school together and this friend takes zero AP classes as a junior and has never taken an honors class, his GPA is a 3.2 and he's not on honor roll. Three months ago, he took the SAT and didn't even break 1000. He plays soccer but is nowhere near recruitment, he's not a starter and hardly on varsity. His other extracurriculars are also very weak, nothing special or unique: science club, understudy in the musical, and that's it, no music either.
To show him the caliber of students at Cornell, I showed him a video of an accepted student's stats and activities, and recommended that he aim for a better fit and not just somewhere elite.
He claimed that I was being unsupportive and his parent's think that I am a bad influence since I don't support him in his dreams.
AITA for telling my friend to aim lower?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
UL0qBxLM7FbDTECRk4GUUURgxgkXkKHj
|
agf817
|
{
"description": "not wanting to always take my girlfriend side when she's annoyed at something",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to always take my girlfriend side when she's annoyed at something?
|
So before I begin, I'll give some background info. My girlfriend is from China, studying in the United States. I am a domestic American student. This seems to be part of the problem. Whenever my girlfriend is having troubles with the school (dealing with different departments, or trying to ask questions/get help) she often will get frustrated and come to me for comfort. While venting, she often uses vast overgeneralizations that don't make me feel good and she expects me to agree and say similar things to help.
Because of this I'll lose my willingness to be supportive and help because I don't agree with these overgeneralizations. For example, she'll start ranting about how, because this one person in the one department wasn't able to help her right away, "everyone in this country is just so inefficient, if this was China they would be fired." It annoys me mostly because from what she's told me, China is also very inefficient with many things and it feels like she's just criticizing my country while comparing to hers. I'm not some ultra patriotic person, but when she expects me to agree with everything she's saying, it makes me a little annoyed, especially since if I don't I'm "not being supportive of her" and "arguing is not what [she] needs right now, it's not the time for [me] to talk about my opinion, I just need to be supportive".
This problem also stems to other areas. For example, I introduced her to some of my friends, a girl and her boyfriend who I'm close with. We hung out with the boyfriend for a little bit while we had to wait for the girlfriend because she was stuck in a floor meeting at her dorm. Eventually she was done and we hung out for a little bit so they could meet and then we left. Afterwards, my girlfriend was annoyed and ranting how it's annoying that she (the girlfriend) made us wait so long. I tried telling her that there wasn't much she could do because she couldn't skip her floor meeting (otherwise the dorm wouldn't let her sign her boyfriend in to visit later that night). But she just told me she was annoyed that I wasn't taking her side and she just wanted me to criticize my friend to make her feel better (which I didn't want to do because I'm not about to bash my friends behind their back when they didn't do anything wrong in my eyes).
So AITA? My first relationship (right before this one) was extremely abusive so I have a lot of trouble figuring out if I'm wrong or if I should stand up for myself, so I'm really not sure.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
wdA0q9y2f4HAcSIq6PORreAzQ9GXXCiS
|
adlh60
|
{
"description": "not buying flowers at deadbeat dad funeral",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not buying flowers at deadbeat dad funeral?
|
Man meets woman, they fall in love, get married, have me. 4 years later, man leaves to look for work in another part of the world, never comes back. Calls once every month, then every year, then no contact. In the meantime, woman raises child like a true goddess, giving him every opportunity possible, love and attention.
25 years later, that man, my father dies. Sad occurrence but feel disconnected as I don’t really know the guy. My mother wants me to buy a wreath for the funeral as I am his son. I refuse on the principle - man is a stranger to me, I don’t see why I should buy a wreath for his funeral anymore than for some unknown person’ funeral in the next town. Mum calls me insensitive because despite everything, he is my father. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ynzAQWGqPoWiirwWGNXUBNWDac0uoVc9
|
b53llj
|
{
"description": "telling my gf she needs to at least attempt finishing her meals if I'm paying for them",
"pronormative_score": 41,
"contranormative_score": 68
}
|
AITA For telling my gf she needs to at least attempt finishing her meals if I'm paying for them?
|
My gf and I occasionally go out and eat. Money is a little tight right now but I can still manage some lunch/dinner dates. But the problem is that she always gets food and literally never finishes. Like if she gets 8 wings and fries she'll eat like 2-3 and half the fries and throw the rest away. Why am I paying 10-15 dollars for her to only eat a few bites? She ate literally 3 wings and said i'm done and i was like don't waste that food if its already paid for, and she said that "I was being mean." AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 57,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 4
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 41,
"WRONG": 68
}
|
WRONG
|
6iYUrx7ORpK0qRf4XbZG3Dpgsj0g8DRp
|
azskwh
|
{
"description": "not letting my cousin's husband stay at my appartment",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not letting my cousin's husband stay at my appartment?
|
Title.
DISCLAIMER: English its not my native tongue, sorry for any grammar or spelling errors.
I got a text message asking me to acommodate my cousin's husband on my castle of 55m2 (592 sqfeet?), a few weeks ago. After hesitating for a while and talkign it to my SO, we said yes ( we had agreed on a date).
I didnt call or text back after that, and they never said anything even a day before the due date. I saw on FB that he was travelling to my city and they didnt call me, so I assumed they found another place to stay.
2 weeks later, I got another text, asking me if he can stay for a couple days, and that he should arrive next day. I answered that they didnt say anything when he arrived nor when they found other place to stay for a couple weeks, and that I didnt think they should ask stuff like this with this short notice. I said no. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9gDZ06PuC0gJjBTggRe6H1GZekean3vn
|
ao9m2a
|
{
"description": "asking some if they have a concealed carry permit",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking some if they have a concealed carry permit?
|
I just started a new job a few weeks ago as an intern at a pretty stuffy business. I've been trying to act professional since I came from a start up that was very relaxed. I try not to talk a lot as most people aren't very social. I am an extremely social person so I've felt a little awkward at work sometimes. The other interns and I are all in the same room and don't talk a ton. One guy is very quiet and I felt like maybe he didn't feel comfortable around us since we are all girls. We finally we're all talking as a group today just about hobbies and what we do in our free time. I was finally relaxing a little around my coworkers. The guy was talking about how he loves hunting and guns and goes every summer hunting deer and elk. I said something along the lines of "oh that's cool, I've never been hunting, but do you like to go shooting like do you have a concealed carry permit or anything?" I got a look of discust from him and another girl said that I was really insensitive and it was really in appropriate to ask that. I said I was sorry and I didn't realize that was not okay. They then went off on how he could have a gun at work right now and that's like I was asking if he was carrying right now. I said I didn't mean it that way I was just trying to make conversation. He seemed really ticked off and the other girl was like yeah that's something super personal like asking someone's salary. You never share that info. I feel like an idiot and I really wasn't trying to pry into their personal lives. I was just trying to make friends. I've had people ask me if I have a permit and I've head people talk about that kind of stuff at other jobs before. Was I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
8J9YGcWT8bUvUD5NlYkSdN4ewNvbQfPI
|
andd7x
|
{
"description": "asking a girl out until she finally gave me a clear answer",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA For asking a girl out until she finally gave me a clear answer
|
So for the last two years I'd ask this girl if she wanted to meet up and go out. In fact, a couple of times she'd ask me herself to let her know when I'm free. Every time there was an "excuse" like "I'm looking for a job at the moment, not the best timing."
Basically, her excuses always depended on something external, i.e. that I am not the reason she doesn't want to meet. I always assumed she did want to meet. So I asked her, like every 4 - 6 months for a period of 2 years.
Then I'll admit I lost my temper a little bit and asked what's your issue lady, if you don't want to meet up with me just tell me, what's all this "not right now" nonsense.
And her answer was something like "/u/promoso I am very busy these days and I have other friends I'd like to meet up with and I have to make time for them, I don't have time for you"
And I said "THAT'S FUCKING FINE! Why didn't you just say that!"
And she's upset that I got so upset over it. Not talking to her anymore.
So yeah... AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 21
}
|
WRONG
|
wpX6kvi4QTuFGSoETX0jWcDD1D7tHnW8
|
b2b2ja
|
{
"description": "getting upset that my girlfriend spent all day with her best friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for getting upset that my girlfriend spent all day with her best friend?
|
There isn't much more to explain, but here's a few more minor details
It's a relatively new relationship, only about three weeks old. We've had two short but very nice dates where we've agreed that we'd like to have longer ones at some point. We also talk (text) everyday, where we've also agreed that we'd like to spend more time with each other. Well today she had off from work and I got out of work at 3pm. Plenty of time to make plans and do something. As I was leaving work I asked her if she was free and she said she was doing something quick with her bestfriend, but she would get ahold of me. I decided to wait at home by just playing video games; three thirty came, four o'clock came, I started feeling drowsy and took a quick nap. I woke up and it was 6:30pm, still no message from her. I asked her what she'd been up to and she said "Oh just hanging out with (best friend) still." I'm kinda upset by this, but I'm not really sure if it's justified.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
9Nh2nBKEEp8hhHVCYH59JE9N54eWk4iT
|
aem43l
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend she should go to work today",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend she should go to work today?
|
So this morning me (M22) and my girlfriend (F26) got into an argument. About 3 days ago her grandmother passed. That day me and her called off and sat at the house together and everything was okay. Yesterday she went to work and said everything was fine (other then her hating her job).
So today I had a day off and she tells me she doesn’t want to go to work, I ask why? She just keeps saying she “doesn’t want to work” and “hates work”.
So I tell her that she should at least try and go in to get some of her work done for the month so she’s not weeks behind after everything else happens. The morning continues and she starts to get ready for work.
As she’s going to walk out the door she starts complaining that I’m forcing her to go in. I tell her that she can call off if she wants to, to which she rebutted “the only reason you’re saying that is because you don’t want to get bitched at”.
She ends up leaving and slamming the door behind her and I give her some time to cool off. Throughout the day she was constantly blowing up my phone at one point was saying “after everything had happened I can’t believe you made me come to work.”
I want to make this clear I told her why she should go I did not force her to leave. As well as she keeps saying that I should be more “sensitive” to her right now, but in the same breathe she said that “I can call off now and not worry about it because my boss feels bad! I won’t be able to do that in February!”
I’m just baffled we’re now sat silent while she tries to pack my things to move me out. She says that I’m unsupportive due to me making her feel “bad” about calling out.
I’ve tried to explain that if she needed to take a personal day due to her grandmother I understood but she shouldn’t just skip work because she hates it, especially when she’s called out once already this week and will have all next week off.
At this point I feel like she’s just being lazy in her life and using whatever excuse she wants just so she doesn’t have to go in (this has been an issue). AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
bVs87c4aCtdppMEtTWMldHrbPvvn4wPF
|
afbj3r
|
{
"description": "treating my stepfather like air",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Treating my stepfather like air (/r/amitheasshole)
|
First, to clarify, what I mean by treating him like air is a. not talking to him, b. not making any contact, c. not reacting to anything he does, d. not answering his questions/remarks directed at me as if i didn't hear it
**Context:** I am an unplanned child between a young woman and a married man. After some other drama not relevant to this story happened, my mom became a single mother until she became serious with a guy let's call Stepdad #1. This guy ended up just using my mother as a sex relief and paid her for her 'services' making my mom feel like she's a prostitute so she broke up with him. Then this guy, Stepdad #2 came into our lives swooping in just in the nick of time to *"save"* my mother from #1 because he threatened he wouldn't stop pestering her till she gets married. And that's how my mother got married to this asshole within 2 months. Or atleast, that's how my mother told the story to me.
At first, he was an okay dude. Worked a menial job, provided some financial support though my mother was the bread winner because of her high-paying job. After 2 years(?) of jumping from one menial job to another, #2 decided to not work anymore because we can live off of my mother's salary. My mother tried really hard to make me like him, to see him as the father figure she thinks I have needed all my life (I was 9 or 10 when they got married) and being the understanding supposedly mature daughter that I am, I played along. I did try to see him in a good light, but it's just, this dude is, I have no words for him. He should be doing some chores around the house or doing something productive in order to compensate for his lack of financial support for the family, but he just stays in their bedroom all day, watching TV, only coming down to eat. He doesn't even voluntarily do the chores that men should do, like fixing the sink and some other hard labor sh\*\*, leaving the mess to be done by hired workers (which cost extra money!) or my mother who also knows her way around those things. He even has a history of stealing from us, the occasional jewelry, cash, even my fuc\*\*\*\* PSP. The only slightly good thing he does is when my mother gives him errands (he can't refuse my mother's direct commands) and taking care of my mother, albeit begrudgingly, when she's really ill with her chronic pains and endometriosis. My mother also hints that he loves her. Like, really? I don't in one second believe that he truly loves my mother for anything other than for absolute necessity because he has nowhere else to go because his family has already forsaken him (no surprise there).
And now, more than a decade later, we are still in the same position as we started only with some differences. My mother is no longer the bread winner as she got unjustifiably removed from her high-paying job. There are 3 people working a little above minimum wage in our family; me, my mother, and my cousin who we treat as sibling and son. #2 is still jobless and lazy as fuck. My mom and I have already fought many times over the years about his presence in our family, now more than ever, since I am gaining some independence and influence in the household due to my financial contributions, and after all that sh\*\* about him being useless is not even half of my problem with this motherf\*\*\*\*\*.
My mother absolutely hates fighting. My grandmother who lives with us who was and still is an abusive mother always gives her sh\*\* about her useless husband. My grandma is not only verbally and mentally abusive, she's also quick to violence. There has been several times in my childhood where I had to hide from their fighting and sometimes even resulting to ER visits due to injuries.
Basically, 99% of the fights are; #2 does something or intentionally does things to annoy me and my grandma (he knows we don't like him one bit) > my grandma blows up, fights stepdad > mother tries to stop their fights because it's stressful for her > grandma then turns all her anger to mother > stepdad hides somewhere else > grandma and mother fight > fight settles down but nothing is resolved > rinse and repeat. Basically, anything that could spark up a fight is a big no-no for my mother that is why I'm staying quiet (most of the time). This asshole knows how much me, my mom, and my cousin hates fighting because we're tired of it and uses this to his advantage, manipulating my family into being silent about his bullshit all this time.
Now, I know this is a novel, but me and my mom just had a fight where she keeps asking and begging me to treat my stepdad better. She doesn't like the way I treat my father like air, never looking at him, never reacting, never answering his questions (unless redirected by my mother). I keep telling her that this is the best way I could treat him, because I know that once I take notice of him, I will just get angry.
On the other hand, I do know that this situation is also making her suffer. I think she is madly deeply inlove with this asshole to the point that her only child's opinions and ruined childhood doesn't deter her from wanting this family to become peaceful and loving *with this man*. I also want that to happen, but I know that I can't do it, not with this man in our family. I love my mother so much that I have put up with this until now, and I think it's just a matter of time I make her choose. The last thing I want to do is to hurt my mother, that's why we've been stuck in this status quo and cycle for more than a decade now. I have considered things like leaving the house, forcing her to make a decision, abusing my stepdad to try and make him leave the house, or just straight up murder him. I've done none of those because of one and only reason; I don't want to hurt my mother.
**TL;DR Am I the asshole for treating the man my mother loves like air because of his history of being an asshole to our family, even though I know that I'm hurting and causing stress to my mother in doing so?**
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not inviting my brother's gf to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not inviting my brother's gf to my wedding?
|
So my brother has been dating this absolute abysmal excuse of a person for a few years now. She doesn't help with cleaning or cooking, refuses to work a job longer than a few days, if she bothers to even look for one, and she has repeatedly held my brother back from doing anything social because "it doesn't sound fun enough". She sleeps all day, complains if there isn't anything she deems "tasty" ready to eat in the house, and when she does leave the house, it's usually to bug her dad for money so she can buy junk for herself instead of paying any bills. Tack that onto the fact that she's just overall not affectionate towards my brother, to the point where they look like strangers whenever they're seen together, she is just not a good fit for him.
My guy and I are planning a small wedding in September, and while we were setting up a guest list, we had come to the agreement that neither of us would like her at this wedding. Nobody we have mentioned this to has told me I'm a jerk for this yet, but I feel like one, and I'd like to know if I'm in the wrong. AITA for not invited my brother's gf to the happiest day of my life?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{
"description": "being upset my partner had this convo with his ex in private",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset my partner had this convo with his ex in private?
|
He used to shit talk me to this girl months ago.
She said: I dunno what to say. I’m sad you’re not in my life (my fault) and I’m still curious and sad as to why I’m not enough. I wish I could have answers but I know you don’t want to be pressed (you said you didn’t wanna talk). So I guess goodbye then? I do Not think you’ll ever want to talk to me.
He: I'm extremely hesitant to but I would like to speak one day with you. There's a couple things I want to talk about. But if it's going to be a shit show or rehashing things, there's no reason.
She: It would mainly just be a final convo and I’m ok with that. Just kinda sucks
He: Unless one of us dies, I highly doubt that it would be the last convo ever. Maybe some time next week or the week after.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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am4790
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{
"description": "being annoyed at my gf for cutting my beard too short",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For being annoyed at my GF for cutting my beard too short ?
|
My GF wanted to cut my beard and I didn't really want her to. She kept asking so a I agreed she could trim it , so when she did it she went far too short when shaved the edges of it after telling her not to. It looked awful and I had to shave it all off completly.
I had been growing it for about a month and Its not that she did it wrong its that she didnt listen to me.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "hooking up with a mutual guy friend 3 hours after breaking up with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for hooking up with a mutual guy friend 3 hours after breaking up with my gf? (16F)
|
Ok so this is a throwaway because my post history would probably lead a bunch of people to conclusions about me being an asshole because I already feel like I am.
I feel like my exgf and I have been really distant in the past month because she was really clingy and passive and I wasn’t into that. I tried breaking up with her several times but I pussyfooted my way around it each time, but today, I was like, fuck it.
I told her i needed a break to figure myself out, but I already knew that I was going to hook up with this dude soon enough.
He is a mutual friend, let’s call him Lee.
I knew that Lee was attracted to me sexually from a party that we both went to, so I went to Lee’s house, smoked a little and we hooked up.
I’m relatively inexperienced because my exgf never wanted to do anything, so that was that.
Some of Lee’s other stoner friends arrived soon after so I had to leave, but they don’t know and he said he wouldn’t tell anyone.
Idek, I also feel like shit because one of my other friends likes Lee (along with 1 other guy that she likes) and I went and hooked up with him.
AITA? Because I feel like I am.
TLDR
I hooked up with one of the guys that my best friend likes within 4 hours of ‘taking a break’ from my gf.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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|
aieyrm
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{
"description": "\"abandoning\" my best friend on her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for "abandoning" my best friend on her birthday?
|
Im self employed in a very physically demanding job and often have to work weekends usually 5am while 6pm so I'm flat out exhausted a lot of the time. My friend "E" organised a suprise party for her boyfriend on a Sunday which I took time off for. I and a bunch of other friends attended and we had a great time.
The following weekend was E's birthday but because I'd had time off for the other party I was unable to see her. (I don't own a car, I lease a vehicle from the company I do a great deal of my contract work for and I pay next to nothing for it as long as I don't use it for non work purposes). Anyway they live a 40 minute drive or 2 hours by Public Transport away. Instead I sent her a nice little birthday message and we chatted about the weekend away we always have for her birthday gift (It's in a couple months). Everything seemed fine and I had plans to head round to E's house the following weekend to see her when I receive an invite to a group chat for me and a bunch of E's friends and a message in it from her boyfriend "M".
M wrote that it felt we didn't put much effort into her birthday and she always goes to great lengths to organise stuff for us and that we are drifting away and abandoning her like a bunch of her past friend's have. That we didn't wanna spend time with her and we'd rather be anywhere else when we are with her. That he was very angry because of how heartbroken she was and wants to hear our perspectives on it.
I'm personally furious over what he's saying. I've done my damnest for E over the years. From loaning her money so she could move out of a bad living situation, sacrificing my limited free time to spend time with her and help her with her depression. Taking her for weekends away for her birthday/Christmas present. Dealing with her shithead ex's. Mediating between E and M when he went through her phone because he was "suspicious". On top of all of this both E and M know I'm working crazy hard to be able to afford to buy a home of my own (trying to get out of my own fuckfaced living situation).
I know it must be upsetting for E to not feel like we care and I know she does a lot in return and i really wish i could have spent time with her on her birthday but I just feel like this is a major overreaction on both E and M's part.
Sorry if this is a mess and please tell me if I'm the cunt here. I just feel awful about this whole thing and I'm terrified that I've done something to fuck up here and I've not realised it.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "saying no to a girl asking me to prom at another school",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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}
|
WIBTA for saying no to a girl asking me to prom at another school?
|
When I was younger up until a couple years ago I was on a ymca swim team. There were twin girls that were daughters of one of the coaches and we were good friends, I’m also good friends with the coach. I am no longer on the team, and the twin girls go to another school nearby. They are very nice people.
One of them texted me asking if I could go to her school’s prom with her. I haven’t responded yet. Part of me says yes, you should, it’s her senior prom and you’ve been family friends for a long time.
However, another part of me doesn’t want to. I’m introverted and going to another schools prom where I only know probably two people in the group scares me. I also have a track meet that day, and would be coming from that. In addition, the month of April is packed full of activities for me, including some music performances that I need to prepare for. I also have a lot of extracurricular activities and am in rigorous academics so would have a lot of homework.
With all of this known, it makes me nervous to tack on a prom in addition to my own the following weekend; I’m worried I’d get behind on my music and studies, and that it’d give me more time to prepare for myself if I didn’t go.
I can’t decide, as I think saying no would be a healthier choice for me, but I know it would probably hurt her feelings if I said no. I think I’d feel bad either way; bad for her if I said no, and bad for myself if I said yes. I’m very nervous about this whole thing and don’t know what to say.
So, Would I Be the Asshole if I said no to this girl’s prom proposal?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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ataz1f
| null |
AITA if my son built a large dick in my front yard
|
Am I the ass hole if my son built a large dick in my front yard out of snow? I am getting phone call after phone call about it from neighbors and fellow parents. AITA because it’s my yard and I let him do it or is my son the asshole for wanting to do it in the first place.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
dOjrHq3hld5U05rmreCiFm1GEwC44Q7b
|
akjunw
|
{
"description": "not wanting to talk politics with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to talk politics with my girlfriend?
|
My girlfriend and I are both liberal in almost every sense of the word. We have never disagreed about anything you could call a political issue.
I've always been more reserved in expressing my political opinions for a lot of reasons (some for professional reasons, but mostly because it's never comfortable).
For the last two years, for obvious reasons, politics had become a bigger part of our daily life than I'm okay with. So I tend to not respond to her attempts to start conversation, or I politely (as politely as I can) tell her I'm not in the mood to talk about it. She knows it makes me angry and uncomfortable and if it's all the same I'd rather leave it out of my day.
Things came to a head tonight when she convinced me to watch the Netflix documentary "Get Me Roger Stone" and I couldn't finish it. I was getting too angry, I've got work tomorrow, I can't be dwelling on things like this while I'm trying to run a small business.
To her credit, she said she understood and was happy to switch it to something else.
But when I mentioned, in passing, that I was recommending the doc to my mother (who has the same views and outspokenness of my girlfriend), she began to start the same usual rant about the state of things and was upset I didn't finish it. I politely told her I still wasn't in the mood to talk about it but wanted to share that I was passing along her recommendation to my mom. She got pretty upset, telling me that it was important for people to be politically aware, and that, since her entire family are far right wing, I am the only person she can talk to about this. I told her I was aware, but didn't want that awareness to derail the little free time I have, especially with her, and wanted to stay in a good mood. And that there's no use in discussing if it's just to an echo chamber. We'd be angrily agreeing with each other for hours. And that I didn't appreciate her insinuation that I was blissfully and intentionally ignorant to what's been going on for the sake of my own comfort, I just didn't want to talk about it.
She lost her cool and stormed off, because she was getting angry and uncomfortable, even though I was willing to keep discussing it, at least to explain where I was coming from. I didn't want to point out the irony in any of that, because that might have made me the asshole. And I was happy the topic was being dropped. But now we're sharing an awkward silence and I'm worried that I may be selfish and calloused to her needs due to the discomfort that usually prevents my own family taking about political or religious topics. Or that I'm selfish in considering my own comfort over her's. But nobody's comfortable getting increasingly upset about this kind of stuff, even if it is an echo chamber.
Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
a91fte
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{
"description": "feeling jealous of my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for feeling jealous of my boyfriend
|
Me and my boyfriend (we’ll call him R) have a mutual friend (call him A). We all graduated from high school two years ago. My boyfriend played cricket with him for about 5 years, but he was in my friend group for about the same amount of time. Since school I’ve only seen him maybe twice and R has seen him maybe 4-5 times. They speak a lot on social media, and I do too but I don’t use it much so I don’t talk as much.
This Christmas A bought R a fancy watch >$100 and decided to post it too which would’ve cost a lot too. He didn’t get me anything, and if I hadn’t seen him lately, I might understand. However, a few weeks ago R and I went to watch A’s cricket game. In a group chat we’re all apart of plus some other people, A announced him and R had finally seen each other after a long time. It had been longer since he’d seen me but there was no mention.
I felt left out because I’d made an effort to come and support him (bearing in mind this was about 5 days after surgery) and he didn’t say thank you or really acknowledge that I was there too.
So am I the asshole here? Am I being completely unreasonable for being upset and angry?
TL;DR: feeling left out because I didn’t get a Christmas present or even acknowledgment that I exist really
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
6MHMfm71hxE7ETcNXVKZDThAxpL20kYC
|
9vhpk7
|
{
"description": "correcting a new dancer",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for correcting a new dancer?
|
I [F] dance West Coast Swing every Wednesday night. I’m a Level 2 follow and a Level 1 lead. In West Coast Swing, usually females start off as follows but start learning to lead once they become more adept in their dancing—vice versa for males. There’s this Level 1 follow who is very good in her movements but tends to anticipate what the lead is going to do and as a result dances ahead of the lead—which isn’t uncommon, but it shouldn’t happen. I told her “wait for me to lead you.” Once I told her that she started taking her time. It feels very awkward for the lead when the partner’s steps aren’t in sync. I just feel really bad for having been the one to tell her... I didn’t say it in a rude way, but I feel like I should’ve left that to the instructors. AITA?
Just to even out both sides, it’s also very awkward for the follow when the lead throws in some complex patterns that aren’t in sync with the song.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
dUawtn8e0mjepP92l6UiZGUdKyf5sRQR
|
b21fs5
|
{
"description": "not compromising",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not compromising?
|
My husband (32m) and I (31f) have had issues with his hobby for the last few years. Without getting into specifics, it takes up the majority of his time when he’s not working and he has invested tens of thousands of dollars into it (not sure exactly how much - he hides it from me). We fight about it often as I feel like myself and our daughter (3 yo) always come in second when it comes to the hobby. If I try to plan things on weekends for us to do as a family I have a rare shot at actually finding a window that works for him. It’s also been a long snowy winter for us so our daughter has been cooped up inside. The last family outing that wasn’t just a dinner or visiting family was in October.
He’s been away for the last week for work and will continue to be gone for another week. While talking on the phone tonight I mentioned taking our daughter to a really good museum a few hours away the first Saturday he’s back. I figured I had a good shot of that Saturday being free as he would have worked the previous 2 Saturdays so he shouldn’t be on call. He informed me that he had a competition related to his hobby that Saturday and I needed to pick another day. I refused to pick a different Saturday (museum is closed Sunday). He then said that I should pick another activity that’s open on Sunday and I refused to do that as well.
The reason I refused is because we’ve played this game before. If I move the plans to another day - something always comes up (work or hobby related) and then it gets pushed again. And again. And again. Until we just never do it. And I really want to take our kid to THIS museum. It hits all of her current interests and she will have an amazing day. And she deserves it after a winter of playing inside and doing well in school (she has a few delays so she was able to start the special ed preschool a few months ago and has been making huge strides). I’m still planning on taking her, and told my husband we will just go without him. He got upset with me that I wasn’t willing to budge on the activity or the day.
I know he wants to go and do things with us but I feel like if we were really a priority that he would pick us more than he does. I’m getting tired of us pushing everything in our lives back to make room for his stuff. I get that he’s made a commitment to this competition but he’s attended more competitions this winter than days he’s spent with his wife and/or kid. I feel like giving him a firm ‘this is the day we are doing this - come or don’t come’ is plenty fair.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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U6qoPMWSpmq55kLDpOKs7Tqerng6uvy6
|
aud6x3
|
{
"description": "telling my step-dad to skip church to stay with his dying cat",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AItA for telling my step-dad to skip church to stay with his dying cat?
|
My step-dad and mother are starting to become religious due to self-induced declining health. So, my step-dad has had his cat (Rose) for 18 years, and she's not eating, sitting in one spot, and slowing breathing. It is obvious to all of us, that her health is declining rapidly. She may not make it through the night at this rate.
My step-dad's side of the family is very religious, including his Mother. Church is about to start and they're telling him over and over to go. I went up to him, and told him, "What is factual, right now, is that Rose is about to die. You need to be by her side in these final moments, instead of going to Church and praying that she gets better. Nothing will change what's happening to her. Be by her side in these final moments, and make her comforted."
After I told him this, he doesn't want to go to Church. My Mom, his Mom especially, and everyone else is pissed at me for changing his mind about going.
Am I the asshole from preventing him going to Church and praying that his cat gets better?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
GLL0s7QUaYmFTbIpPVAGcXfGjccZaW9W
|
b77au0
|
{
"description": "asking my roommate to leave the room",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking my roommate to leave the room?
|
My college roommate (20F) and I (20F) have shared a room for 2 years and are currently deciding where to live next semester. We are good friends and I don't mind sharing a room, but she refuses to leave the room if I ask her to. For instance, if I wanted to bring a guy over, she would not leave. She argues that it is her room too, which I understand. But, it's is frustrating to never have the option of bringing people over.
Am I an asshole for asking her to leave the room once in a while, if I want to bring someone over?
TL;DR: Am I an asshole for asking my roommate to leave the room for privacy?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
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a03r4l
|
{
"description": "saying no to switching shifts when I'm sick",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for saying no to switching shifts when I'm sick?
|
Yesterday, I worked retail on Black Friday with a really dry throat and cough. I brought water to drink throughout the shift, but ran out of water early on. As a result, my throat got really dry and I resisted coughing in front of customers as much as I could. At the end of the shift, I lost most of my voice and also got a cold while walking home from work as well. I was feeling pretty horrible.
​
Fast forward to Saturday morning and I was feeling worse. My coughing and voice got worse, and had a nose that wouldn't stop running. All of a sudden, I get a message from my coworker (lets call him anon) asking me to switch shifts with them (meaning I work tomorrow, or Sunday). Apparently the manager had put anon on Sunday, even though anon made it clear they couldn't work that day. Being sick and all, I declined, telling anon that I've lost my voice and that I have a really bad cough; I told anon I was really sick. Yet, anon kept asking me to switch shifts, and I would say no every time. I even told anon that I also had a midterm to prep for, and anon fired back saying that I would have time to study at night. In the end, I held my ground and anon finally left me alone. I was kind of relieved that the argument was over, but at the same time I feel like I really pissed my coworker off.
​
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
KBtTeyJN8hNJ3YtawttlaEwEUCLhyrWL
|
abovbo
|
{
"description": "having 4 roommate's and taking care of my own",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA I have 4 roommate's and I take care of my own.
|
I moved into employee housing for the winter season and share a common area (kitchen, living room, bathroom) with 4 other guys. One of them is extremely messy and the other there aren't so bad and two of them clean up after the filthy one constantly. I clean up all of my messes as I go and don't tolerate cleaning up after other adults. I also buy all of my own living essentials (Toilet paper, paper towels, food etc) and keep almost all of it locked up in my room because the filthy one bums off everyone else. With the filthy one gone, the others told me that I'm the only one that doesn't clean anything or "supply" for the apartment. I don't use any of their stuff and I clean everything as I go like an adult. Am I in the wrong here? Should I feel obligated to take care of others who are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves but choose not to? I made my argument in the nicest way possible but now they are mad. Honest input will be appreciated.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
PamGXxDet2BuBNFJGjos03r4tqWjA6jN
|
9up2tb
|
{
"description": "getting terse with coworkers/manager expecting me to figure out shifts for them after my bf's dad died",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting terse with coworkers/manager expecting me to figure out shifts for them after my bf's dad died?
|
My BF's father died really unexpectedly last Friday. I left work early to come home and I told my manager I probably wouldn't be on for my 4.5hr shift the Saturday after and that I would probably require additional days off for travel to the funeral (it's a twelve hr drive both ways) and obviously mourning because a person is dead.
My manager and coworkers are regularly unreliable and slow to answer anyways. My manager asked me to tell them they would have to cover it if I couldn't. I was a bit pissed because of the circumstances and him being the managers I figured he would let them know. So I'm telling them to contact me asap about whether or not they can take my shift because I need to know so I can take care of things for my bf and help him with everything. My one coworker doesn't even reply and instead I have my other one telling me she's not sure, I should tell the other one and my manager and can I ask them if they have figured it out and she's busy with her other job. I finally got fed up and told her they could figure it out and tell the manager themselves and that I don't have the patience or energy to handle trivial shit like who is picking up my shifts.
I feel rude for being so terse but honestly I am just baffled that I tell all of these people I'm dealing with a dead parent-in-law and I have to take care of my spouse and they expect me to figure out everything for them. Manager is perfectly capable of delegating shifts, it's his job, I would expect people to be more understanding that I don't have time and energy to focus on who's working while I help my spouse deal with the death of his fucking father.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
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RIGHT
|
c57Cc5S9LaFEf0xfzI5JnAdtZhPQMjKw
|
auol1s
|
{
"description": "abandoning my daughter/sister duties to study for exams",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for abandoning my daughter/sister duties to study for exams
|
This has happened twice. Once during finals and the other is currently happening now. My mother and older sister are extremely needy and always tend to bother me consistently during finals/exam days. Yesterday my older sister cried and called me mean when I told her to stop bothering me when I’m studying JUST so I can be with her. Today my mom told me to clean and cook for her and I said no I have to study. Am I the asshole in these situations? I’m really just trying to study and do better in my academics.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
NR47nWugsUM2m3oRWH5nbB1GxxwzOwsn
|
b6beth
|
{
"description": "not helping a relative rehome a dog, even though I rehome dogs for many others",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not helping a relative rehome a dog, even though I rehome dogs for many others?
|
Hi. On mobile, hopefully this works out.
I am a volunteer for several dog rescues, from fostering puppies , volunteer transporting, supply gathering via secondhand stores and yard sales. Most of my time, when I’m not working for my paycheck job, I’m doing rescue things. This leads to my circle knowing I’m a go to person when a dog or whatever needs a new family.
I have a relative who is tentatively looking for help to rehome a year old pupper. Aside from the breed, which is tough to find a place for due to the sheer numbers available, it’s an unaltered male with little training or socialization. He’s a perfectly nice dog, but he’s starting to show his teenage attitude and hormones, and my offered advice was pretty much ignored. Also , this is the second dog being dumped, the first lasted less than a year.
Am I an asshole for just not wanting to perpetuate this behavior? I REALLY want to help the pup, but don’t want to risk my liability by placing a dog with this shaky a background. I could probably get it into a rescue, but it would costly to vet this pup for me right now. I feel guilty , because I’ve rehomed a couple dogs into excellent homes in the period since the family members reached out and ...inferred?... I should help get this dog into a new home before it hurts a child. Honestly I just don’t want to, knowing another will take its place in a year or so. I just don’t want to. I know the family is irritated with me, and they see the successful pictures I share on FB, and we all know I could do this. Ugh.
Feeling pretty guilty and kind of like an asshole here. What’s your take?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
jvRuJW7qBVV68RfLM3cWnvIzTBVZTghB
|
b3gfnk
|
{
"description": "being upset that my bf never pays for anything",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset that my bf never pays for anything
|
Using throwaway. Before I start, I want to say that I am NOT the kind of person who expects a man to pay for everything. I have always liked things to be equal in a relationship so I would never make a man do everything in a relationship. If it matters, we’re both 20 and I’m a female.
Anyways, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and in the entire 2 years that we’ve been together, I have been paying for almost everything including food and even sometimes stuff for him. I never had an issue with paying for food or even buying him stuff because I like to treat him. However, I noticed that he would never do the same for me. He never really offers to pay or buy me anything (not that I expect him to). When I try to compromise and say we can take turns paying for food, he always complains about being broke even though he makes way more money than I do and doesn’t spend money at all?? And when he does spend money, he always spends $100 or more which irritates me a bit because if he’s so broke then why is he spending so much money? And yes I have called him out on that many times before.
So AITA? I feel so greedy when I think about this so I try to let it go but it keeps bothering me. Even when he suggests to eat out while I prefer to stay in, I still end up paying and it doesn’t make sense to me. And when he does pay, he always nags me about “owing” him when I have never once asked him to pay me back.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1oFwVFrie4VXdJMRB9QDjKmMPQ0YcI3m
|
axe46q
|
{
"description": "asking my father to speak respectfully to me in front of my kid",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For asking my father to speak respectfully to me in front of my kid?
|
I'm a single mom and my daughter and I live with my folks. I pay rent.
So my 3 year old and I (33f) are in the kitchen, listening to music on my phone and making dinner together. She was actually helping which was pretty cool. My parents come in and start making their dinner. So they're puttering around and my dad says "you want to shut off the noise?" not in a mean way, but not particularly politely either. I have had a few confrontations with him in the last year and I've asked him to be politer to me than I otherwise would've bothered in order to set a good example for my kid. I said "I'm happy to turn my music down if you can please ask politely" I was looking for a please or at least referring to my music as music and not noise. He says nothing and goes back to what he was doing, obviously annoyed, but just as obviously not planning on doing as I ask.
A few minutes later he says "seriously time to turn the noise off" and I replied "please ask politely, my music is not noise." My mom chimes in at this point asking him why he can't ask nicely and also pointing out that I was using the kitchen before them. My dad is getting more and more obviously bothered/frustrated. So then he says to me "well if you're going to be that way I could just turn on my own music on my stereo that would blast this out of the water." To which I responded "I'm just asking you to please ask me politely." And then he stomps out of the room.
He then comes back in and says again "it's time to turn off the noise" to which I reply "I will gladly do so once you ask me with respect." At which point he stamps over to his stereo muttering about how he's going to fix me and play his music really loudly. I say "is this really the example you want to set for your granddaughter?" He doesn't even respond.
My mom goes over and tries to explain that I'm being reasonable and he's acting childishly and if he just asked me nicely I'd turn it down or off. At this point he's full blown pissed off, slamming him hand on things and spluttering with rage.
So I look at my daughter and I tell her we're going out to dinner in town because Grandpa is being unreasonable and disrespectful. He turns on the music and blasts it and as we're getting ready to leave she says "Grandpa the music is hurting my ears." He didn't even respond (I don't think he heard her tbh, he's hard of hearing).
But we left and now I'm feeding my child pizza which I can't really afford. I never yelled or raised my voice or spoke disrespectfully. I just asked him to speak more politely and respectfully to me in a calm voice.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
9DcuFvXAnOdZLJB4N8juOBEqgRdIl18c
|
as6ywc
|
{
"description": "not letting someone back into a competitive university club next year",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I didn't let someone back into a competitive university club next year
|
Throwaway.
I'm on the audition committee for a speech and debate program at my university. At the beginning of this academic year, we accepted a freshman, call him A. Due to the nature of the program, auditioning people is a rather difficult task, because it's hard to capture what a competition environment is like, and it's hard to get a read on their ability to adapt to direction long-term, internalize concepts and use them without a script, etc. However, the committee is usually very good at finding good people.
So A joins the team, he had an ok audition, not the best but not the worst, but we needed one more person. Now, ever since he joined, I've felt that we made the wrong decision with him. He still does not understand some of the basic concepts of debate, he constantly re-asks questions. He will take some direction when practicing in front of others, but the next practice all advice will be immediately forgotten. Nobody can figure out how to get through to him. He has improved over the year, though very slowly - much slower than what is necessary to perform well.
I think the worst part, though, is his social ability. He was a bit awkward/shy during the audition, which I personally chalked up to audition nerves. But that awkwardness only ever got worse. No one in this program wants to be around him. And even though this is mostly an individual competition, teamwork is important, and so is the social well-being of the club. This guy acts like he's a freshman in high school - I realize that almost everyone changes a lot over freshman year, maturity wise, but A has not.
Now here's the part where I might be an asshole. Every year all members barring those on the audition committee re-audition - mostly so the committee can see what a good audition looks like before looking at the newcomers. No one is guaranteed to return - they still must have a good audition. Almost always, returners will get a slot. But I think we should remove A. From a purely competitive standpoint, it would be optimal. He's been in this program for almost an entire season, he consistently does average-to-poor, with very slow improvement. And it would ease social tension.
Now, I don't know much about A outside of the program, but I don't actually know if he has made any friends since coming to school, and I think he might have some issues or something from his past that influences the way he acts - not like autism, but maybe some sort of upbringing thing. On the one hand, none of us are therapists, nor are we meant to be. But on the other, if we're the only people he ever hangs out with, then it'd be pretty terrible to kick him out - even if it's no one's responsibility to be friends with him, or tolerate him more than necessary.
I know he wants to come back next year. He wouldn't know why he wouldn't be able to return, other than someone had a better audition than him - which will almost certainly happen anyway.
WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
HLfJBtJXg6gw3iv22lnJBA9d8CZ9zw6R
|
arblea
|
{
"description": "getting into an Argument with my GF's racist dad",
"pronormative_score": 186,
"contranormative_score": 28
}
|
AITA For Getting Into an Argument with My GF's Racist Dad?
|
We're both 26 and been dating for 5 months, she wanted me to officially meet her parents as I only met them once before when we ran into them at a mall. So last night we we went over to dinner at her parents place and before we went over my GF reminded me that her dad can be mildly racist and not to take it too heart or seriously. I'm brown and have a Islamic first name even though I don't practice and my GF and her family are Italian.
Next he starts going on about how amazing Italy is and how italians have shaped western culture and have amazing cultural exports like cars, food, fashion etc. I again nod my head and continuing watching TV, my GF was helping her mom in the kitchen at this point and didn't hear this. He asks me what my country has produced for the world or if people like going there, I shrug my shoulders and say nothing and he laughs and is like hahah damn right.
When the food is ready we sit down at the table and my gf's mom asks if I want some wine or a beer I opt for a beer and her dad stops me and is like woah slow down there I thought you're not allowed to drink? I just say I'm a neo-muslim and we are allowed to drink and smile and reach for a bottle of Stella. Then again when when he's telling me what his wife cooked he's like theirs pork in all of these dishes so you can just have the sides with a smile, I tell him I love pork and my GF gets me a piece of lasagna and a piece of porchetta which was amazing btw. By this point the tension in the room could be cut by a knife and I was trying to stay calm and not beat my GF's dad's ass back to Italy. He finally cut the shit for awhile and my gf and I spoke about how we met, then about sports, vacations we're gonna take and normal stuff. Then somehow we start talking about the education system here in Ontario and how he thinks there shouldn't be Islamic schools here, I rebutted saying if there shouldn't be Islamic schools there shouldn't be Catholic schools either nor any faith based schools funded by tax payer dollars. He got super mad at this and said called me "Muslim Boy" LMAO, I laughed and said ok and tried diffusing the situation but I was really mad at this point. And was ready to leave, my GF begs me to stay and I did because she drove here and I needed a ride back.
When we were having dessert he stars blabbing about immigrants not assimilating properly here and not knowing english and how all Italians assimilated so well into Canadian culture. I was so annoyed at this point and told him to go back to Italy if he likes it there that much. He started laughing and told me to get out of his house I put my boots on and tell him he's lucky his my GF's dad and wait outside for my uber. My GF is calling me an ass and crying and said I should have just put up with it for 2 hours and not argued with him as now he hates me etc.
TL;DR: GF has racist dad, makes racist comments throughout a dinner am I an ass for not taking his shit and arguing back at him?
AITA?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sAgkfvdYg1QlhxCJkWePzhwYLfDYxmZW
|
ax17mc
| null |
AITA fot not beliving my friend?
|
A few weeks ago, I (F 31) and a friend of mine (M 29) that’s gay, let’s call him B (I’m mentioning it because it’s been suggested that he acted out of jealousy and I don’t think that’s the case) went out to a local bar. We were drinking and after a while a German guy got there, Let’s call him GG, and started talking with another guy there.
I’ve been learning German for about 3 years, so I jumped to the opportunity to practice my German and talk to the guy, the GG was at least 50 so I really wasn’t looking for anything other than to practice my German.
So B after seeing I was talking to GG, B starts mocking me with some slurs that another friendof ours who lives in Austria, taught him, but the GG thought he was talking about him and got really offended by it.
Now the owner of the bar is an acquaintance of mine and told me that GG was upset about what B was talking.
After that I told B that GG was upset and that he should at least lay low, I didn’t even said he should talk to the guy and apologise, even though I think that’d be the right route, but then B starts to speak loudly and rudely stuff like “the guy comes here to our country and gets upset with me for no reason, he should go back to Germany.”. After a while I manage to convince B to leave, and we go our separate ways.
The next day when I talked to B about how he was rude, and that he shouldn’t have acted out that way, and he got really mad with me saying that that was just the way he talks (loudly) and that he didn’t do anything on purpose to irritate the GG. I’ve know B for at least 10 years, and I know he’s loud, but this was another thing, it sounded to me as if he wanted to cause a scene and started speaking even louder after I told him to lay low. I didn’t believe him hen he said he didn’t do it on purpose to irritate GG.
We didn’t talk anymore after that conversation, but I though it was like any other time that we argued, after sometime it’d be alright, but my birthday came and went and it was the first time in a so many years that he didn’t wish me a happy birthday, and I was really upset by it. So AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
yIY7D4h0YfAuoxnxhyE5UfgdDIBk4XCp
|
9xgqh9
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be around my brother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be around my brother?
|
So, my brother has a long history of being an angry, abusive alcoholic. He has physically and verbally abused every girlfriend he has had (4 different women). He has been arrested and has done jail time for this, and was in jail for the last 3 months for his last attack (drunk and choking his girlfriend). He drunkenly punched my ex boyfriend 4 years ago which resulted in this boyfriend having to get surgery on his jaw and eat only soft foods for a month. It was incredibly hard for me to forgive him and be around him after this. He ended up doing jail time for this as well. On top of all of this, he's gotten into multiple drunken fights and drives drunk consistently.
If he was not my brother, I would never ever want to be around him. He has 2 kids and to be honest, has always been a good dad to them (which is the one thing he has going for him), but I think he's just a horrible role model for them and has put them through a lot being in and out of jail and abusing their mothers.
After all of this and being increasingly uncomfortable around him the past few years, I have decided I don't want to be around him anymore. I've made this clear to my parents. I've basically stopped asking about him since he's been in jail. I opened Facebook today and saw that he updated his profile picture and one of his friends tagged him in a photo.
I already planned with my parents that my boyfriend and I would come stay with them for the weekend after Thanksgiving. I'm super excited about it since I haven't spent time with my family in a while (we live 3 hours away). I texted my dad and asked if he my brother had gotten out of jail. He said yes. I asked if he will be there next weekend and he said "I assume so." I told him if he is, we aren't coming and I'm sorry. He said he hopes I reconsider and my mom will be completely heartbroken. It upsets me that every time he does something like this it is completely swept under the rug and he is welcomed back with open arms.
I'm upset because they didn't tell me he was going to be there (likely staying with my parents the whole weekend) but I also feel so awful because I don't want to make my mom sad and I was so looking forward to seeing my family. I don't know how to feel about it. Am I just being a baby? Should I just suck it up and go? I feel like I'm the only one in my family that feels so strongly about it.
Am I the asshole for cutting ties with him and for not wanting to attend my family Thanksgiving because he will be there?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
zStPO3q0i5eJ252Cg3dsRg7dcDMfQSaR
|
b83q6v
|
{
"description": "ditching my friends last minute with my so",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ditching my friends last minute with my SO?
|
A year ago I met my SO (lets call her Nicole). She's a sweet and loving person, also really shy. When we began dating I introduced her to two of my closer friends (who are siblings) but for some reason they didn't seem to want to talk with her very much and preferred to talk to our other mutual friend present. By virtue of being shy she found it hard to start conversation, and my attempts at trying to initiate conversation between them was in vain. Later they told me that my SO seemed distant and "unfriendly" even when I told to them that its hard for her to meet new people.
They kept this coldness towards her and I have no idea why, but then a week later I was invited to hang out with them at a park and they let me bring Nicole. They specified that we should meet at 9AM, it opens at 9:30AM. I pick up Nicole and we get to the park on time.They weren't there, and half an hour later they still hadn't texted or shown up so we went to a nearby starbucks. Come 11AM I still hadn't heard from them after many texts and a couple calls to their phones, and we had been in starbucks for nearly two hours. I tried calling again, then Nicole and I started going home. I assumed something important came up, so I wasn't mad. I was a little annoyed, but if something happened to where they couldn't text or call me then it must've been an emergency.
On my way home I got a text saying they were on their way. I called and said we had been waiting for hours with no response from either of them so we had left. This completely set them off. One of them started accusing me of leaving so I could go "fuck my girlfriend" and I was ditching them "for that slutty bitch." Keep in mind, they never took the chance to even get to know anything about Nicole yet they were saying this. I told them it was unfair that we showed up at the time agreed on, and we were out for nearly three hours waiting on them without any response from them. They said I shouldn't have left without telling them but then I pointed out all the times I tried getting in touch. This kept going until I started ignoring their texts since half of it was just insulting Nicole. I showed her the texts and we just wondered why they pinned it on her when it was I that drove there and I made the decision to go home.
Ever since, they've been cold towards her. I've brought up how shitty they are to my SO and they shrug it off, saying that they don't have any obligation to like a person. What pisses me off is that we all consider ourselves family, and I always supported them and treated their SOs like a part of that family so they'd feel included. They never make attempts to be nice, and only ever blame her as to why they're so mean and exclude her from events. I really hope this doesn't sound like a SHP because its as dumb in my mind as it might be in yours. AITA for what happened??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
8XAr7wCNhnXbfMcfZvE3SPkS6FTg5vni
|
arq2d6
|
{
"description": "calling out my cousin's abuse",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling out my cousin’s abuse?
|
Last night we had a party, some of my work friends, some of my fiancées work friends and my best buddy drove a few cousins and friends out here for the night.
Last night was a blast. We had video games hooked up to 2 TVs in the living room, a table for card games, and drinking games in the kitchen. Everyone had a great time not an issue, not even much of a mess to clean up.
Today everyone woke up happy not a issue. We all agree to head to Denny’s to get breakfast before we go to a small Star Wars convention being held in my town. This is where the real story starts.
My cousin (26F) we will call her Betty, she thought it would be funny to try to pants her boyfriend (31M) in the parking lot of the Denny’s. I was instantly annoyed that I had to even tell my 26 year old cousin not to try to pull down her boyfriends pants in a public parking lot of a restaurant in front of windows where family’s are eating breakfast with their kids. I told her “stop acting like a Jackass! I work in the community and I visit this Denny’s often while working. These people know me so just act like an adult.” She was obviously pissed that I said something to her in front of all our friends.
We finally get into the restaurant we’re sitting down ordering food. The waitress walks away and we’re all taking having a good time. There are 7 of us at the table. All feeling the pain from the night prior now they we all are over or close to 30.
My cousin Betty randomly reaches over and pinches her boyfriends nipple. This wasn’t a cute pinch. She grabbed ahold like her index finger and thumb was a alligator feeding on a snack. Her man let out a screech. It was unexpected and uncalled for. Instantly I’m enraged. I already had to ask her to not act like that outside and now she’s abusing her own boyfriend. I instantly started to aggressively talk at her.
Me “What the fuck is wrong with you! Why can’t you fucking stop! Your 26 and I have to tell you to not pants your 31 year old boyfriend in the parking lot and now you’re doing this stupid shit”
Betty” Your in your community stop talking to me like this!”
Me “Yes we are in my community these people know me I visit here all the time and I don’t care any more your acting like a fucking bitch to your own boyfriend! Your tried to embarrass him outside and now you caused him pain to the point he screamed. If you were a man and doing that shit to a woman I would have beaten the fuck out of you! Your being a fucking cunt for no reason!”
At this point she storms out of the restaurant and doesn’t even eat her food. Everyone else stays and eats their food. We all pay the bill and leave. Betty goes up to my buddy and demands that they dive a hour and a half home right now and miss the convention they all originally came out for. My buddy not wanting to have any more conflict complied. We drive back to my house we all get out of the car and I can’t keep my silence anymore. I yelled.
Me “I can’t believe we’re all the way back here what a fucking waste of time and gas to come back here because my cousin wanted to abuse her boyfriend”
Betty: “This is your neighborhood don’t yell”
Me: “This is my neighborhood! And I’m disgusted that my cousin treats her own boyfriend like that at 26 and doesn’t see a problem with her fucking actions! Now get your shit out of my fucking house and leave!”
I walk in with Betty and my fiancée. I go upstairs to use the bathroom while Betty gets her things from the spare bedroom. I hear my front door slam closed and I go back outside. My buddy already left. No one even said good bye.
So Reddit, AITA for getting mad at my cousin?
TL;DR my cousin was abusing her bf and causing a scene so I said shit to her
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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j8K3FDncBnxC9wcSlrhOJ6BSWJo3nB7j
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b7xdld
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{
"description": "using a dryer before a guy who had been waiting for a longer tome than I had",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for using a dryer before a guy who had been waiting for a longer tome than I had
|
For reference I’m in college. In my dorms laundry room we have laundry machines and dryers that are always packed. I had put one load in the dryer and in the washer. I showed up 15 minutes before my dryer load was done because my washer load was finished. This guy was already in the room waiting for an open dryer cause they were all taken up. I waited for the 15 minutes and the guy gets up before me and starts to take my stuff out to put it on a chair. Our dorm has a rule for this that you have to wait 15 minutes after the dryer is finished to take out another persons load. I stop the guy and say it’s my clothes. As I take it out I ask “ Can I use this for my next load?” He say “I’ve been waiting.” I say nothing and put my load. AITA
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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U5a0Snrhl4JZUljBcB7Fe1QItle2ZBhQ
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ame5ld
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{
"description": "getting mad at my boyfriend for watching porn",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my boyfriend for watching porn?
|
It's more complicated than the title. Let me add some context for ya.
My (32F) boyfriend (34M) have a great relationship. He did cheat on me once early
in our relationship but I've let it go and moved on. He's NEVER once since given me a reason to ever suspect him and he's been the paragon of honesty and love and openness since.
That being said, since we've moved in together I have admittedly gained 25) pounds (which I have been openly aware of and have already lost 3 of the 25) which has caused MY desire for sex to wane because I feel gross. He has been patient and wonderful and never pressures me, but because of the cheating i get hard in myself when it's been awhile since we've had sex and internally freak out.
It came to a head last night when he had a special event (don't want to get too specific for anonymity) and I had a shit cold so I ws feeling like a shitty girlfriend already and we hadn't had sex in almost two weeks because we've both been working 50-60 hour weeks with obligations on the weekend. After a mini breakdown from me, I felt a lot better and we fucked three times before he left for this event. I fell asleep before he came home and woke up to him sleeping next to me.
I woke up before him, as is usual, and when I go use the tv I see he has porn left on it from the night before. Normally I have never had an issue with porn. I KNOW he masturbates and honestly, I look at porn, too. But for some reason this made me feel SO shitty. We had already had (what I thought was fulfilling and awesome sex where he came thrice) sex and, yet he needed to come home and jerk off? I feel very inferior and like my sex wasn't good enough. I don't want to porn shame him and when we go through period of dryish spells I want him to feel free to get off but... I don't know, man. This just hurts a lot.
Should I say something or am I overreacting?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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MjDh9iAOJhinGCGaU0rOPGH8apGcKuUl
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an70xi
|
{
"description": "liking a girl but then not wanting to go out with her anymore because she's not physically attractive",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For liking a girl but then not wanting to go out with her anymore because she's not physically attractive
|
I've been talking to this girl for a few days and we've decided to go out. I have only really seen her face on Snapchat but I then saw a full picture of her and it really turned me off. I just don't know if I can go out with her anymore and I don't know what to do or if I'm just an asshole
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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QDnVCi0nVY4ZTXh14yfSgrCRXSyvznkk
|
azigmg
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{
"description": "being angry and sad that I can't visit a friend in hospital",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being angry and sad that I can't visit a friend in hospital?
|
Brace yourselves, long background story (names changed for obvious reasons):
We're 3 friends: Jane, June and me. We've met at the University but Jane and June know each other since high school.
I've considered both of them my closest friends, until June fucked up (explained later).
Both Jane and June left to different countries for work after school. We have a message group where we talk at least once per week and we've always met when they came back to our home city.
So June fucked up by not attending my wedding, she was invited a year before the actual date and she said she couldn't get a leave (as her leave requests were closed). BUT later the same year she attended a wedding of another friend from the uni (I considered them party friends, not that close). For this wedding she was able to get a last minute leave ( invitation came waaaay later than mine) and fly 6 hours plus 5 hours train to the other corner of the republic... for a weekend. Where's a will, there's a way.
Multiple times I've learned she was in our hometown from FB /IG. She did not let me know.
We grew apart, she later apologized and we're fine, but a bit more distant.
Recently she quit her job and is now back in our hometown for good, looking for a job.
It's now Tuesday, June calls me hysterically that Jane has her phone off and does not reply messages since last Friday. She is 2 hours away by plane. Everybody's freaking out. I don't want to go into the details and to cut the long story short, Jane is in trouble and not able to come by herself back home.
At this point June is on the phone with Jane's family and they plan Jane's pick up (the family had June's number). I only talk to June and get all information from her.At one point the decision is done that June and Jane's family would go to pick Jane up. I tell June I'm not able to get a leave from work but I can help in other way (financially or so).
They bring Jane back and she is admitted to a hospital.
We agree with June that she will ask the family if we can go for a visit and that we will go see Jane together. The same day suddenly June tells me she is going for the visit with the family and that she didn't want to ask them if I could join through the phone and that she will ask when she meet them.
Later that day I'm told that they don't want visits and that only family will go visit. Anyway June goes visit every time.
Thankfully Jane is much better now, but she doesn't have access to her phone. I'm told she's happy that I write her even if she can't ready it and that she says hello.
Still I feel like this a sort of revenge for not going with them for a pick up and that June miscommunicated with the family about my position. I know every detail of what was going on, so its not like I will be dragged into this family matter. I was in the situation from the beginning, but talking to June only.
AITA for thinking this is not fair?
AITA for not going for a pick up?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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GUWLJoCLKaZPG2Bpbj3XOIhN23YhHJ8n
|
b4rfyx
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{
"description": "not letting a fwb stay with me until she gets back on her feet",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting a fwb stay with me until she gets back on her feet?
|
She’s been out of work for awhile and I guess now her roommates are threatening to kick her out for not paying rent. She came to me and asked if she could stay with me in my studio apt if that happens. I asked her why she couldn’t move back in with her parents and she said that she has a really bad relationship with her mother. I told her that she should go to social services and see what they could do to help her. She just said thanks a lot sarcastically and left.
I feel a little heartless about it, I don’t want her to go homeless. We’re just not that close and I don’t know her all that well to want to live in such a small place with her. It’s a big leap to go from spending the night together a couple times a month to being around each other constantly.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
3HeTlyqyi2BhneFcLho7FHRPx9pqMVNR
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b1jd5i
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{
"description": "making Gargoyle noises while my overtly loud roommates have sex late into the night after repeatedly asking them to quiet down",
"pronormative_score": 451,
"contranormative_score": 67
}
|
AITA for making Gargoyle noises while my overtly loud roommates have sex late into the night after repeatedly asking them to quiet down?
|
So, I've been having this problem for a while now with my roommate. But basically, his girlfriend makes ridiculously loud moans and screams during sex late into the night on weekdays that keeps me awake.
I've asked him numerous times to just have his gf not do that since it is something he can control.
Well, it didn't stop.
Anyway, since I'm at my wit's end for him not respecting my wishes, I've decided that whenever it happens to make grotesque, gargoyle noises beneath them out of my window until I kill their mood as a way to put a stop to it.
The noises are kind of, like, SKREEEEEEEOOOOOOOASH! SKREEEEASCCHHHHH!
So far, it has proven about 50% effective, and he is asking me what I'm doing downstairs. I brush it off like it's no big deal and I really don't know what he's talking about. His audibly loud gf seems able to stop her moaning and screaming whenever the first floor Gargoyle makes an appearance.
AITA for making gargoyle noises to ruin my roommate's mood because he won't respect my wishes to not have audibly loud sex in the middle of the night on weekdays?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 43,
"OTHER": 439,
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|
OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
0Te6vc7aftBuWmsxTqSaPTsWlzwyi2Q0
|
b37mum
|
{
"description": "raging quit and leaving my girlfriend at her doorstep after she didn't let me use her phone",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA to rage quit and leave my girlfriend at her doorstep after she didn't let me use her phone
|
We were casually dating and it cut short than the usual ones because I got an assignment need to finish soon.(*these font are details I consider can be unnecessary*)
*It's an essay about sustainability and such. I was general asking about her idea on the paragraph structures. The argument spiral it out of control. And when we arrive at her doorstep (bottom of building as we usually depart there) we tried to conclude that we have different definitions on Sustainability, short term and long term. But what she said was "you got the wrong definitions that's why our entire conversation is meaningless" then I tried to talk back about how long and short is relative and ask her to point out where am I wrong.*
She argue I didn't check the dictionary beforehand (and she's better at English than me) , so I agree and tried to check with my phone but it ran out of battery. I ask for hers and she refuses. Normally we walk close to each other but she keep on distancing herself in this conversation. After I bunch of asking for it she replied with "NO. This is my phone and that is your assignment, I have the right to choose what I do with it so go home to check it"
(Now that I type it out, I think it makes more sense than I heard it so I'm probably an ducking ahole)
Anyway, it triggered me a lot as (rest of paragraph are contribution whining ) *I lend her a lot of my devices wherever I can, help her do her assignment despite I have basically zero knowledge and she didn't give me clear instructions and expect me to reach her standard perfectly , stay up late to collapse at 3 or 4 while I need to wake at 7 for 8 hours of class and still get blame for never staying for her. And rearrange my schedule for her thousands of times (disclaimer some of them are dates and I enjoy them)*
Anyways the thought that she can distance herself from us to me made me very angry so I reply with then I will search at home and leave (with a few subtle pause in hope she will catch up)
P.S. I know I shouldn't care so much about who do more I just don't want to get distanced so easily (or I don't want rejection?)
P.S.2 let me know if you want more details
Tldr: we got in an argument and comes down to a definition on a word , my phone died and she refuses to check or let me check. I ask for it, she told me to go home for it , so I leave without a word
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
7dYo9RdufGiZ4wRYSH9rh5iJIHTZHOpO
|
awa9iq
|
{
"description": "being a cuck",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for being a cuck?
|
My wife and I have been together for 17 years and married for 15. One drunk evening, before we got married but were living together, we went out and got really drunk. She had a friend that knew the bartenders at a particular bar and they offered to let us stay after hours. I was tired and ready to go home so I went to warm up the car. I returned and the doors to the bar were locked. No answer on the bar phone, my wife’s phone or our friends we had come with. After freaking out I eventually went home and to bed.
The next day my wife returns home. I ask what happened and it’s clear she cheated on me but would not tell me the truth (she still won’t).
I got over it and accepted that something happened but i loved her and would move on. So we got married.
(I admit that this is when i should have left her.)
Years later, after having our son, we separated during a difficult time. I got a call from her stating she found out she was pregnant. Well, I knew it wasn’t mine. I wasn’t comforting her at first because, fuck that bitch. Then we talked more and I made the decision to get back with her for our son and because I still do love her.
We have a daughter now and I try to think it’s possible we had sex around the time she would have been conceived but in truth I will never get a DNA test because I already feel like she is my girl and the truth would kill me.
Returning to the story- shortly after we got back together she had a break in her lying and admitted that while we were separated she slept with many people including friends of mine (She was back in our home town and I was about an hour and a half away).
I plan on staying with my wife until I explode or the kids go to college. My sons grades really suffered when we split earlier and I think it’s better for both parents to be in the home.
My wife loves sex. In therapy I have explained that I really do love her and I care what happens to her. I do. I want her to be happy and I want her to succeed in life so our children can be good people. My only issue with her is that she cheated on me.
So I have refused sex to my wife for about 6 months now. Prior to that she was lucky to get it once a month. This is how I have been paying her back. I don’t tell her I will never touch her again. I avoid the subject. I don’t tell her that she’s got many more years of sexless marriage ahead of her. If she cheats on me I’ll take her for everything. I’ll keep my kids taken care of and continue to support her in every other way, but she can go fuck herself to eternity.
To clarify, my wife is an alcoholic and I attend meeting to support her, I buy her valentines cards, and I tell her I love her because I do. She will just have to suffer on the sex side.
So AITA and I should just leave her, or should I tell her the truth? Which would be, I’ll never touch you intimately ever again and let her decide for herself. Or should I continue on for my kids sake?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
N2YpxS4Jm8qVVQ10HyXHR72KgnRWSRbd
|
axuwo4
|
{
"description": "purposefully setting up coworkers for failure",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for purposefully setting up coworkers for failure?
|
So, backstory. I work Security and have for about two years now. At one of our sites, I'll refer to as S, I was there for about 8 months before the contract got sold to another company and I went to another site. Fast forward 4 months, I quit and went to the company that got site S.
One of the first people I met was a former, now current, coworker. He works 1st shift, I work 2nd shift. 1st shift is a nightmare mess anyway, but yeah.
I am a bit of a workaholic, and in my second and third week, I've taken on 36 hours of Overtime, my gf moved to another state for school, and it's just me and the cat, so I spend a lot of time working, simply because it's a better use of my time (college is in the works but I am in a bit of debt by biting off an apartment more than we could chew and I will be moving, but I gotta stockpile cash) than sitting around playing video games or whatever. The coworker, referred to as W, only works 25.5 hours a week.
I come in today, and my supervisor comes in very soon after, because he was checking in on the building. As soon as he comes in, he asks me why I've been late every day since I started.
Well, this strikes me as odd, and my coworker for my shift backs me up, saying I've never been late working 2nd shift. In fact, the only time I was late, I made certain to call and let the supervisor for that shift know I was running behind schedule.
Supervisor then tells me "Well, W on first shift calls me every day and blows the supervisor phone up complaining that you're always late."
So now I plan on making certain to show up early, and make sure that everything has been done to a perfect T, and should anyone leave even a second before their scheduled time, I'm reporting them for abandoning post, as I have not started my shift, and will not be held responsible for their carelessness, while simultaneously dragging my name through the mud.
Would this make me the asshole, considering I will be as nitpicky as humanly possible, to the smallest detail?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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INFO
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RIGHT
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Rw1Xz8J2H2CbRWUsVoC9TGMHkhr6HLSg
|
ao95w6
|
{
"description": "wanting my friend to go back to her old personality",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for wanting my friend to go back to her old personality?
|
She was very sad, but there was something to her... she was genuine, cared a lot for others, she would always call me when she felt bad, she deeply trusted me, she even was poetic sometimes and could be quite lovely (even though she was almost never like this). Damn, she told me that we could go see a sundown someday.
But now, she's getting over her problems. She found a new group of friends and is cheerful all the time. But she now cares almost only about herself, only trusts one of her new friends (sometimes not even her), does whatever other people do and gets angry quite often. She grew very lovely to other people at the same time she grew colder to me.
I know it's probably just jealously, I know I'm fucking jealous of everyone. But there's something else. I feel that our friendship was a lot better before, when she was... sad almost all day. And now that she's finally being happy, our friendship has deteriorated a lot.
Am I the asshole for wanting her to go back to her troubled (but genuine to me) personality?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
hD6KVLIb63y2LygUmZvYflJsblyYrN3y
|
aj7oma
|
{
"description": "rejecting my parent's offer to buy me (or split payment for) a car",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For rejecting my parent's offer to buy me (or split payment for) a car
|
So my parents are divorced, and I primarily lived with my dad since my mom moved across country when I was at the end of middle school. I am now in college (I'm 19) out of state. Living with my dad was pretty rough, he worked a lot and was emotionally abusive to me while I was in middle school so there was a lasting distance between us. The one thing he really got on me about was money. He had a lot of money, he grew up poor and now holds on to everything. He is super financially responsible. Basically, the rule for me was that I was to get a job as soon as I could, and when I got a job I would have to pay for everything myself. I have been working non stop since I was 15. I bought my own clothes, my own groceries (about 75% of the time), paid my phone bill, paid for my car insurance, and even paid him to "rent" a car that he let me drive throughout high school. I pretty much never had spare money because I wasn't working full time (still in high school), and I was spending it on all the essentials. Because I never had money, he would often get on my ass about being financially irresponsible if I bought something that wasn't a necessity, but even when I was broke I never asked him for any money ever. Not once.
Since moving to college things have changed. He offered to pay my phone bill. He tends to buy me groceries when I am visiting. He offers money occasionally so I can go out and do things. There are still things I pay (car insurance, any things that are for fun, groceries at school, textbooks, etc.). My mom is also in my life a lot more now and she is VERY generous. She will buy me clothes, and other little things if I need them (I only take what she offers, never ask)
I share a car with my boyfriend right now and we have been looking into getting another car for next year. I have a job and was planning putting down my down payment at the start of the summer on a used car. I have enough money saved for that already and I am planning on saving up quite a bit more before the summer. I brought this up one time on the phone with my mom and she told me not to, that she and my dad had talked and they decided they wanted to help me buy a car. She was selling an old one she didn't need anymore and said they were planning on using that money to go towards a car for me. She said the reason was that they had spent an exponentially high amount of money on my younger brother because he is a professional athlete (it is over my out of state tuition cost per year, which they don't pay for even close to in full. I get scholarships.), and they never spent anything on me growing up. I understand that this is a very kind gesture, and I am thankful for it. I appreciate the thought but it makes me super uncomfortable.
The reason is that my dad is still kind of a jerk about money. At home he is fine (especially because my boyfriend comes with when I visit and I think my dad likes to be generous with people outside the family), never bothers me about it, but there have been instances throughout the year when he is a jerk over the phone. For example, I wasn't working for the first time since I was 15 for the three months of my first semester in college. During that time I was getting a job lined up for this semester (and it is a long term job so I have security all through college). Because I had no job, I wasn't making the money I usually have, and was going off of my savings. I predicted that the savings would last me through the semester, and I was right. I ran out of money 2 weeks before the end of the semester. To get through those two weeks, I asked for gift cards for my birthday for gas and groceries. My dad called me and asked if I was out of money. I said yes, but it was okay I could get by. He started questioning me on where my money had gone, why I was being financially irresponsible, who I was giving my money to, why I hadn't saved more, etc. He has also questioned other things like why I got a parking pass at the school, why I was buying certain foods, etc. He tells me I suck at money.
He also does things like since he is helping pay for my tuition, he demands that I don't do anything that "waste my personal money" in his eyes. I wanted to get a tattoo, and he told me that as long as I was using his money to pay for my tuition, I was not allowed to spend it on "shit like that". My own money, that I earned at my own job. I abide by these rules, because I don't have a choice.
Now with the car. My mom is offering it to me, but I know my dad will talk about it and claim half the gift (at least) as his own. I am worried it will be held over my head like the tuition, or that he will get on me for not being responsible enough to buy my own car, using my car to drive places that are a waste of gas, etc. I also really just want to get financially independent, and I feel like as long as I am driving a car that they paid for, I am not independent, and I plan on driving this car for as long as possible.
So AITA for telling my mom that I don't want the car? It's not at all her fault. I offered to pay half also. Is it a stupid decision to say no just because my dad is rude? I mean it is a half off car.
TL;DR: My mom offered to spot me a lot of money to go towards a car. My dad is a jerk about finances and I don't want to be stuck under his thumb since he will inevitably take some of the credit for the car. I don't know if I am an asshole for rejecting my mother's gift because of my dad.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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M4iKwkvu4eoJnfmqcZPp02kDmhQMpvvc
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ba67m4
|
{
"description": "not wanting to draw for someone out of the \"kindness of my heart\"",
"pronormative_score": 40,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: Am I the asshole for not wanting to draw for someone out of the "kindness of my heart"?
|
For some context, I'm a 19-year-old college student who's been working as a freelancer for the past few years now. As a result, my family has kind of infamously known me as "the art person" and commonly use it as a discussion point with co-workers. My mom's boss has a son who is on the lower end of the functioning spectrum of ASD, and needs eye surgery. My mom's boss usually has gotten books / comics drawn for him to understand why these things are happening to him.
My mother's boss, knowing I'm an artist, asked my mother if I could draw something for her son's upcoming eye surgery. My mother told me about it, but I gave no definitive response at the time that would indicate whether or not I'd be interested in it. My literal response was, "Oh". Despite this, my mother's boss assumed that I'd be down to do the project. Weeks later, my mom comes back to me and told me her boss would be sending me the details on the project soon. I was confused, and expressed concern about doing such a thing when I'm a full-time student. I was told that she "expected something of me now".
I just got an email from her boss yesterday detailing the project. She wants me to draw roughly 20 panels of art for her son's surgery. I became rather irritated with this, considering I never gave explicit consent to working on this thing. I went to my mom, telling her that I felt this way, especially considering I am being offered *nothing* in exchange for doing this.
My mother's response was that she thinks I should just do this out of the "kindness of my heart", and that she supposes we just have "different morals". For context- my mother is a Lutheran, and I am an agnostic. This has been a point of contention in my family for a while.
I feel absolutely livid over this whole thing, but now I'm sitting here feeling guilty about it. Reddit, am I the asshole for not wanting to do this project?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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wFFEAr1D2qp2OnyxWwJCZ6LvgWIiEhhA
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apy0p2
|
{
"description": "snapping at a co-worker for assuming that you don't have problems if you don't have kids",
"pronormative_score": 63,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for snapping at a co-worker for assuming that you don't have problems if you don't have kids?
|
So this happened a little after Christmas. I work at a chain bakery as an apprentice, which means I have to go do full time manual labor in the morning and go to school for my pastry chef degree instantly after that every day. I leave home at 06:00 and return at 21:00. My mother is out of country for work and my dad was then at the hospital for about a month (he's fine now), so I had housework on top of that. Christmas is also a pretty tough season for my line of work.
So me and my co-worker, a 40 yo woman, who tended to be very loud and annoying at work, were in the elevator, and I was leaning on the wall, and I unconsciously sigh.
"Hey, what's wrong, you ok?"
"Yeah, sorry, just thinking."
"Oh? What do *you* have to be worried about? You don't have any *real* troubles! You're like 20, and you don't even have kids!"
She said that (more or less) in a very irritated tone, like I insulted her. So I got pissed, and told her something along the lines of "just cause I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't have a family to feed" and "it's not my fault you can't handle yours".
I understand that she might have her own problems, but I just don't think it gave her the right to dismiss other people's, especially with such ridiculous reasoning.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 61,
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
7IHBRF5pEkgQ8t7PLnwC88oOAJrpJi60
|
b7f8vi
|
{
"description": "having sex with the girl who accused me for taking advantage of her",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for having sex with the girl who accused me for taking advantage of her ?
|
Everything started nearly 2 years ago.A friend of mine introduced me to a group of friends. This girl was in the group,she was silent and introvert.We spend time as group, with time I started to realize this girl had some problems.
A night it was just two of us.I tried to talk to her,she was a bit drunk and spoke direct about herself,family problems.She was in a major depression,and was getting psychological support,using anti depressants.
After that we got closer.She was more comfortable when I was around. We go out together as friends.I really tried to help her about her problems.
She started falling in love with me.When I understood it i introduced her to one of my close friend,I wanted them to be in a relationship because I didn't love her I just wanted to help her.She started to overcame her problems.
One day my bro called me and said she cheated on him and he was angry to me because I brought them together,he swore to me then blocked me everywhere.When i talked to her she said she is sad for what happened but I was still mad at her because she cost me a good friend.I didn't talk to her as much as before they broke up.
About 8 months ago we were in friends house,everyone got drunk except me.Gang were sleeping in living room,I went to the room of my friend,layed in bed.Later that girl entered the room.She was drunk suddenly she layed on me,i didn't do anything I knew she was drunk.I talked to her to get up but she said something about she love me and took her hand on my penis over my pants.I stood up and left the room in surprise and anger.She stayed in the room and fell asleep.
We didn't say a word about that night but she started to act different.She wasn't friendly to me at all.She was like manipulating the group.It was so annoying,finally i left the group and didn't talked any of them.
One month ago one of my friends from that group texted me.He said all of my old friends angry with me but he said he didn't believe to her.The story was like that "Everyone was drunk except me, she went into room and layed,after some time I entered room and started to touch her,she couldn't resist and we had sex".I shocked and felt stupid for all the things I have done for her.I felt bad but didn't care about it because I had already left the gang so it was not a big deal.
Two weeks ago I broke up with my gf I was in a bad mood didn't know what to do.That night I called that girl and told her to come to my house.She was like waiting for that moment,one hour later she came.We just had sex I told her I'm not serious about two of us,she said she doesn't care,she just wanted me.We didn't sleep together,said goodbye to her and we haven't talked after that night.
Somehow me and my gf started again.I started to be called by the secret number.A crying girl voice swears to me.I know she is her.I don't know why she is mad at me she said didn't care when I told I m not serious with her.Am I the asshole and should I tell my gf about that night?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
mg0bvsxYxZlQasri7kzMBV7UJZOi39AB
|
atugyk
|
{
"description": "being mad at my boyfriend and telling him he's selfish",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being mad at my boyfriend and telling him he’s selfish?
|
I’m on mobile sorry for the format.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and we have an almost 2 year old daughter together and we both work full time. Last Wednesday our daycare provider cancelled on us for Thursday, Friday, and we no longer have a back up baby sitter (my grandparents were being our back up sitter but my grandfathers health is declining so that’s come to an end and everyone else we know and trust works 9-5’s). My boyfriend works 330am-1130am on a normal day and I work 830am-4pm (but don’t NEED to be at work until 10 as the first hour or so is considered “administrative time”) I suggest that my boyfriend take one day off and I’ll find coverage to take whatever day he doesn’t. He is very adamant that he cannot take any time off bc they’re very busy and are working mandatory 10 hour days for the next 2 weeks, so essentially I’m on my own. My boss was kind enough to let me take our daughter to work with me BOTH Thursday and Friday but she wasn’t happy about it. So fast forward to Saturday evening and our sitter cancels on us Monday AND Tuesday. So here we are again, I ask him to please take a half day Monday or Tuesday bc I can’t take her to work 4 days in a row and if he takes a half day he gets home by 830am and then I can be to work by 9-930. Absolutely refuses. Nope! He can’t do it bc “10 hOuR dAYs MaNdAToRY fOr TwO wEeKs.” So I bite the bullet and I work for someone else on Sunday so they can work for me Monday and I switched with someone so I could have Tuesday off and now I’m working Saturday (today) Now it’s Wednesday and my boyfriend decides he’s going to leave work at his normal time bc he has a tattoo appointment (so he doesn’t work the mandatory 10 hours) and then comes Friday.. the real kicker. I text him as soon as I wake up to let him know our taxes have come (we split them in half bc we file separately) and this mother fucker tells me “I’m gonna take a half day today. Can I meet you at the bank and we’ll split the money and have lunch?”
So I stewed on that for awhile and come lunch time I go off. Tell him he’s selfish. He can’t take a half day to watch our kid and let me go to work so I don’t have to work weekends but you can leave early for a tattoo and some fucking tax money? I told him he’s selfish and he told me I’m an asshole... so am I? Bc I don’t think I am.m, but maybe I’m wrong...
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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52QBqdNrq1hgZxRukkNT3DfcS8KUjw5E
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aof2lj
|
{
"description": "having my feelings hurt that my boyfriend knowingly planned something with his friends instead of me on Valentine's day",
"pronormative_score": 41,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for having my feelings hurt that my boyfriend knowingly planned something with his friends instead of me on Valentine’s Day?
|
Sorry this ended up sort of long but I really really need to know if I’m being crazy or if my feelings are even a little justified. To anyone willing to read it all and comment: Thank you in advance.
So just a little bit more explanation, my boyfriend/father of my child and I have been a thing for about 4 years now and the past 3 Valentine’s Days, some issue has come up that has made it to where we aren’t getting to spend it with each other. (Example: last year we were in the middle of a cross-world move and he was in a different country while I was still stuck at home)
Another important detail is that he hates Valentine’s Day. Not because anything has happened to him, he just says he thinks it’s stupid. He very very much knows, however, that I care about Valentine’s Day and it’s important to me. This year it seemed everything was going to work out where we were together and could have a nice night out together (we have a 1 year old so having a night out is even more looked forward to for me than usual). I even brought up the topic to him a week or so ago about us going out for Valentine’s Day. We had a whole conversation about it, so he knows I was wanting us to be able to do something (again, I’m the type of person Valentine’s Day is important to and he knows this, and this will be the 4th year in a row it has been ruined)
He and his friends play a lot of video games and planned on doing a video game tournament. It’s at our house, and he planned it on Valentine’s Day. This isn’t a once in a lifetime thing, they plan on making this a regular thing (we already have board game nights all the time but they want to start adding this to the mix). On top of that, it’s a game that I am not included in. Meaning he thinks I couldn’t handle playing with them so he did not include me in the planning (game can only do 8 people, he invited 7 people other than me +himself makes 8).
So not only did he plan something with his friends on a day that he knows is important to me, but he planned something that I can’t even be included in other than sitting in the back and watching. I know he thinks Valentine’s Day is stupid but I feel like in a serious long term relationship, when you care about the person you do things that might not necessarily mean much to you but they mean something to the other person. AITA for having my feelings hurt? (Note I said feelings hurt. I am not angry, just feeling very unloved and sad about it all)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
hdyXUQG31RHomDXgwnhVL8Yx9gjhOKJq
|
au3uzi
|
{
"description": "blue-balling my mom",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for blue-balling my Mom?
|
Okay, so the title sounds a bit fucked up, sorry. TL;DR at the bottom. Also, really sorry if my writing is shit.
​
Let me preface this with a bit of info about my Mom. We don't have the best of relationships, she's emotionally abusive and can generally be a very nasty person. Throughout my entire life, especially during childhood, she took some extremely idiotic decisions pertaining to her sex life, such as but not limited to: having sex in the same room as her 9 year old child, who's bed is across from hers... multiple times. Fucking with her door wide open, midday shall I add.
​
Essentially she has made me hear and see some pretty nasty shit from an early age and I'm fed up, just wish she had at least closed her door a couple of times lmao. I'm sure a lot of people have though, so I'm probably just being a baby about it.
​
She doesn't really get boyfriends often due to, as I mentioned before, her being kinda shitty. So this morning, I wake up and lie in bed for an hour and hear her current (married) 'friend' come to visit her. He somehow found our house despite her never telling him, which I found was really creepy, but besides the point. I decided it's probably time for me to get up as it's 1 PM. So I do.
​
As I open my bedroom door, it dawns on me that they are fornicating on the fuckin' couch. I know this full well but, man, am I done with this nasty behaviour from her. I didn't really think twice about it and just came downstairs, the couch is in full view of the stairs so... my eyes are filled with the full view of his ass, I'm cringing thinking about it. I say, as politely as I can, "Can y'all not fuck on the couch, that's fuckin' nasty."
​
She's in disbelief over it and obviously feels very humiliated, which I guess was my end goal here, to teach her a lesson? Anyway, I head for my PC and she keeps asking me very awkwardly, what I'm doing up at this time. It is one (1) in the AFTERNOON (PM). She knew FULL well that I would be up at that time, and even acknowledged it afterwards.
​
Anyway, he leaves awkwardly- I'd never met him before that so, that was a pretty good first impression.
​
My Mom comes over to talk to me, trying to laugh it off but she obviously feels embarrassed. She tells me jokingly that they didn't get to 'finish' (in French so I can't really translate too well sorry!), and it makes me feel kinda shitty for messing with her rare hook up.
​
I feel pretty bad about it... but one part of me feels satisfied for making HER feel embarrassed for once. Still, one part of me tells me I should've just stayed in my room until they were done.
​
TL;DR: **Mom tried to have a rare hook up on the couch, at 1 PM. I was fed up with seeing/hearing her do nasty shit, so I came downstairs, despite knowing they were having sex... just to make her feel embarrassed for once.**
​
So, Reddit, AITA for messing with my Mom's rare chance at a hook up?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
t9FtapVCVKCiPTGRa63GvcbvqtdvCMNX
|
a6m34e
|
{
"description": "not wanting to attend the funeral viewing for my friend's sister-in-law",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to attend the funeral viewing for my friend's sister-in-law?
|
Some fake names for clarity: Abby and Cindy are my close friends. Abby is the one whose sister-in-law died of cancer.
Cindy messaged me and told me we should go to the funeral viewing for Abby's SIL. I haven't replied to her yet but am trying to come up with an excuse as to not go.
I don't want to go because I'm exhausted. The past few weeks I have slept for no more than 4 hours a day because I was working on my thesis. I just want to spend the next few days resting at home. Another reason is because it feels insincere to go when I don't even know her. I would rather donate to the gofundme page they set up to pay for the medical bills. Even if I was there, I wouldnt have any words of "support" for Abby because I don't know anything about her SIL apart from the fact that she had cancer.
Is it really important that I go? When my grandma died, all I wanted was to be given some space. It didn't matter to me if people went to the viewing. I just don't know if other people felt the same about funerals as I do, or if I'm just an asshole for thinking that way.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
rtgEppZ7QBCytiGDKYa5ECy8tNh73Wgx
|
atzu1c
|
{
"description": "feeling a bit annoyed that, as the only bridesmaid, Ive paid for everything for myself for my friends wedding",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for feeling a bit annoyed that, as the only bridesmaid, ive paid for everything for myself for my friends wedding (except bridesmaid dress)?
|
I am definitely feeling like an arsehole but I genuinely wanted to know if this is normal for weddings or if I'm justified in feeling this way.
Context: bridesmaid dress was £70. I paid for alterations (£35), the belt, the shoes, accessories. I'm also doing my own hair and make up and paid to stay at the venue (not optional). I am the only bridesmaid and maid of honour. My friend and her fiance are by no means rich but I'd say they are comfortable. I'm single and full time employed on a low end yearly salary and have tried to save a bit for the wedding but I just would have liked a bit more financial help. Or maybe just an honest discussion beforehand about costs?
I guess I would have done it differently if it were my wedding - pay for the dress, alterations, hair and make up and offer to help with the cost of the stay and then shoes and accessories were up to them to get. So the main things were taken care of by me and any extras by them.
Clarification: I absolutely love my friend to bits and have no major ill feelings towards her whatsoever. It's her wedding and not mine and I totally get weddings are expensive. I didn't question her at any point and am very grateful for the beautiful bridesmaid dress. And at the end of the day, I get to see my best friend get married. Its just now I'm looking back and I can't help but feel a bit annoyed at the situation.
At the end of the day, it's a non-issue but I can't decide if I feel justified in feeling this way.
Is this normal for weddings? Am I just over thinking things?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 2,
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
G1hKVRVxF5yikXU5c8E0vCMVwRlxvFI8
|
aelnzt
|
{
"description": "not making an acquaintances birthday special",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not making an acquaintances birthday special?
|
I am the person in our friend group (of 2 years) who tries to make plans to make the persons who birthday it is, the most special day possible.
One of them had told us she didn't want to celebrate her birthday and just be at home. I used to listen to her other than when she was having hard times so she'd have someone to speak to because even though she was extremely extroverted, she didn't feel like sure could trust anyone.
I told her about how the past birthdays don't matter. And how from now on she'll have amazing birthdays, organised the party and made sure she had the time of her life.
She thanked everyone for coming and making the day special and was happy about it. And it made me happy that I was able to make someone start bring excited about their birthday.
I had heard that is better not to be close to people whose defining trait is to be mean. And without a doubt, she's the person who's hurt the feeling of most people in our group. And everytime someone gets extremely hurt, she says , " The only reason I'm even make fun of you guys is because I fell so close to you guys and I don't really mean way ever I just said".
I used to think, okay that was too mean but at least she has people now that she feels close to.
A few months ago, she was angrily trash talking about something another person in the group had done. I brought told her about how he might have perceived the situation so it's not his fault. She got completely angry and told, " I don't need you to be my friend ! ".
I was pissed and walked away. I was pissed that she could even think of saying that.
Later that night she called me up and told me she told that in the heat of the moment and didn't really mean that.
She has told me about how she doesn't like a girl in the group ( the mean girl's crush asked this girl out )
And every time she talked so happily and hugged her, it was completely fake.
All I could think of was how in also just a fake friend and was apologising just so that she could tell everyone in the group she regretted telling that and apologised. Didn't actually mean it as I'm not really considered by her as a friend.
On that day I decided she's just an acquaintance I know, that's in our group. And didn't really talk to her much more that needed.
Her next birthday was 5 days ago. I didn't plan anything and when everyone asked if I was going to get her a cake, I told I just do that for friends birthdays and not for acquaintances. (They know i only consider her as an acquaintance since that day)
She was all excited and dressed up, completely different from the mood of last year but ,everyone just wished her a happy birthday that day and we headed home after that.
TL;DR: I made a friend's day on her birthday which she has bad past memories from. After she told me she doesn't need me to be her friend, I just considered her as an acquaintance I knew. I am the one who makes plans for birthdays in our group. Didn't do anything for her, just wished her like how an acquaintance would.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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MGlvQ24PojWhdADJeyvYlWFQxwRa3zas
|
az2uml
|
{
"description": "bringing my new girlfriend on a \"date\" with me and another girl",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 23
}
|
AITA for bringing my new girlfriend on a “date” with me and another girl?
|
For about a year and a half, I had feelings for my friend from uni. We hung out a lot and did a lot of “couple things”, such as cuddle and hold hands and stuff, but never anything more. Anytime I would ask her out, she would decline and say she wasn’t looking for a relationship right now. Totally understandable.
A month and a half ago, I met another girl and immediately fell for her. We started a relationship. During this time, me and my friend stopped talking as much. We would still run into each other at school and say hey and occasionally text but nothing like before.
About a week ago she waited for me at my car and confronted me, asking me why I was avoiding her and not treating her how I used to. I told her the truth, that I was in a relationship now. She said something like “I thought you liked me?” And I told her that I did, but she never seemed interested so I backed off and moved on. She seemed to accept it and that was that, but then she texted me later in the day that she liked me a lot and that she didn’t expect me to just give up on her, etc. She said I should at least give us a chance before being with someone else.
The other day, she texted me and invited me to go out with her and some friends, and when she told me who was going, it sounded like it was like a triple date kind of thing, with us being the third couple. Not wanting to be paired off with the girl who rejected me for a year and a half and only suddenly showed interest in me when I’m no longer available, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go out with me and some friends, she said sure, so I texted back my friend that I’d be there.
Last night was the outing and I showed up with my girlfriend. My friend was left being the odd man out and spent the entire night being clearly upset. She spent the night being pissy while looking at her phone. She texted me in the middle of dinner “I didn’t think you’d bring her. I invited you, not her”, but I didn’t care. It was shitty of her to try to force us into a date-like situation when she knows I’m taken now.
When we were in the car to leave, my girlfriend called the situation before I could even say anything, and said I was an asshole for dragging her into it. She said I should’ve just declined the invite and that she felt bad for my friend because I embarrassed her in front of her friends. I didn’t think she’d side with a girl who was actively trying to make me leave her but she did.
I really liked my friend. For a year and a half and she never seemed interested in me the way I was in her, which is fine. But now that I have someone else, she suddenly has feelings and wants me. It’s super shitty on her part. But now she’s mad, and my girlfriend’s mad, and yeah, it would’ve been more mature just to not go, but I don’t think what I did was that bad. What my friend is/was doing is much worse.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 14,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 23
}
|
WRONG
|
EEXHQc3MisZAQ6EWqHH2WYKm1ckFsq2W
|
a2tiel
|
{
"description": "laughing at a kid's name",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for laughing at a kid’s name?
|
So basically, recently a kid by the name Abcde (abe-cidy) was on the news for her mom complaining about a flight attendant laughing at her name. I complained that the mother was the one wrong for naming her kid Abcde, and that people shouldn’t name their kids something that they could be made fun of, like Spatula. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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