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kMXdl6n4063dnf2Tzlnd0IKTDdr8CUZs
|
ayu6uh
|
{
"description": "wanting to get married with or without my MIL",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to get married with or without my MIL?
|
Throwaway account.
Mobile squad, sorry if formatting is off.
Backstory: We've been dating 8 years, engaged for 1.
We are your basic every day family. 2 school aged kids, we both work but are still living paycheck to paycheck. We are not wealthy by any means.
We got engaged last February, and started planning our wedding for summer 2020. Now, like most females, i have a dream wedding. Nothing too immaculate or over the top, but i know we can't afford it. Both of our families have told us they're not able to help us financially with our wedding, and that's fine. I don't expect anyone else to pay for my dream wedding, but i also don't want to settle when it comes to my big day.
My fiance and I decided that we would use our income tax to plan a little getaway to vegas and get married there with basically whoever out of our close friends and family wants to come, then have a little party at home for whoever cant make it. My sisters and parents are all paying their own way, but we know my fiance's mom won't be able to afford the trip, so we offered to pay for her ticket so she can come, but her boyfriend would have to pay for his ticket.
My mother in law suffers greatly from anxiety, she has her whole life. She skips kids birthday parties, holidays and other events because she doesnt do well in crowds. She does not want to come to vegas and wants us to get married here basically just so she doesnt have to make the trip. She hasnt said anything about them not being able to afford her boyfriend's ticket, and i am so torn. I see her side but at the same time, its one day. She's free to leave after the wedding or even have her own little vacation with her boyfriend away from the crowd.
So reddit, Am I the Asshole for wanting to get married with or without her?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
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9vc1e3
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{
"description": "giving away my GF's annoying dog to help the relationship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for giving away my GF's annoying dog to help the relationship?
|
I absolutely love my girlfriend. I really think she is the one: shes amazing in every way, think im gonna propose to her next year, just have that feeling you know? We recently moved in together but there's one problem, she brought her dog with her.
This dog is a chihuahua/shihtzu mix and is basically a demon in dog form. He is always mean towards me, he will pee on everything without control, etc. I feel like this has taken away from the joy from living with my gf, as everything else has been amazing. It got to a point where I couldnt take it anymore, so next time I drove home (about 4 hours away), and my GF wasnt around, I took the dog with me. I gave it away to an acquaintance who I knew would provide a good home for it so I wouldnt feel too guilty. I covered for myself by telling my GF that the dog probably escaped from our apartment when one of us accidentally left the door open too long.
My GF has been super distraught over this, crying and not getting out of bed, but I think she'll eventually get over it. But the bright side is that our home environment is now so much better without the dog around. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
1yIYvvkiz9eprGGUUGxdrpUhFlG4YiCA
|
ba5e8h
|
{
"description": "not leaving work the second my girlfriend told me she just totaled her car",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not leaving work the second my girlfriend told me she just totaled her car?
|
I was at work and my girlfriend texted me that she just totaled her car, I went outside during a rush at work(I work in a kitchen), called her and asked her if she was okay, and she said she was, but just a little shaken up still, and that she had to go because she was talking to police officers about the accident. I went back into work and wanted to arrange for her to get a ride to my house from my grandma, who lives an hour and a half from where her accident was. I work 2 and a half hours away from where she got into an accident so it would’ve been a while for me to get there and comfort her, so I thought this was the best option because without my grandma picking her up, she’d have to go to her house and be alone because I’m not allowed to drive past midnight due to a DUI. So I finished my shift at work, all the while we were texting and I was trying to get her to get a ride from my grandma which she refused because she felt bad. then she got really hurt and distant because I didn’t leave work and come comfort her and said that she wants to be with someone who would do that for her, and it just keeps making me feel like garbage for not dropping everything I was doing and coming to see her even though she said she was fine. So am I the asshole for not realizing how serious of an emergency totalling your car is and not leaving work early to come see her? I’ve already told her I’m so sorry and I feel so bad that I didn’t come, I just thought I was doing the best that I knew to do in that situation, but she’s still upset and keeps reminding me of how she has higher expectations of me than that and I guess I just don’t match up to her expectations and I just feel like dirt right now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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tevp97I3aAqxV6uBHhODfdB7IGVsclaV
|
av6ew6
|
{
"description": "not apologizing",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not apologizing?
|
We started off the night with a drinking game. Knowing that i am alcohol intolerant, one of my friends , Bob directed the game in such way in which made the chances of me drinking higher than anyone else.
After the game ended I became a bit drunk. I began chatting with people and joked around, although I remember what I was doing I wasnt myself. eg. Came over to people and call them husband+wife, or take my shoe in front of them and asked them if they like my socks. Everyone played along.
Sally saw that I was drunk and asked me to come to her. She ordered me to sit down and would not let me go and get another can unless I drank a cup of water. I agreed and decided to drink it, however every time I would take a sip and place the cup on the table, she would pour more water into the cup behind my back while the rest of my friends would distract me. Everyone was laughing as they thought I was so drunk to not notice this. I played along the whole time. 10 min in, I got pissed and drank the whole cup in one go.
I joined into the conversation and heard Sally talk negative things about people with glasses. It hurt my "drunk me", so I decided to say to her "shut the f\*\*k up". That enraged her. She screamed at my face and pointed fingers at me. I got my straight face on and said to her chill as i didnt do anything wrong. I didnt think she wouldve taken that so seriously.
Bob and another guy, saw that I was "drunk" and forced me to go to sleep by not letting me get out of the room we were sleeping in.
I woke up on Saturday and no one had any grudges against me. I asked Sally's friend, Ann how did she enjoy the night and all she said was that I was very drunk.
I arrive Monday morning to school and try to have a conversation with Ann. However she ignores me and then tells me how sorry I should be about what I said to Sally and my behavior that night. I look very puzzled.
I decide to avoid the group until I rethink what I did wrong.
On Wednesday I go over to Sally, Ann and Bob and apologize for what I said to Sally. Ann demands that I apologize not only to Sally for the thing I said to her but to everyone that was there for my behavior. I refuse to do that and I stand my ground stating my point that: they knew I was alcohol intolerant and they knew that setting up that drinking game against me wont turn out good in the end.
Bob was pissed off at my because he had to "mind" me during that night but was the one to setup the rules of the drinking game against me.
Thursday comes and I casually try to talk to the rest of the friend group that wasnt on the trip. However they ignore me? I realize that Sally, Ann, Bob told them to isolate me from the group
I wanted to fix this all so I decide to buy chocolate bars to give to everyone as an apology. Friday comes and i come over to Bob, Ann and Sally with the chocolate bars to apologize for EVERYTHING and all they do is ignore my request to talk to me continuing the convo they had. I leave
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
6hgatLqNs4iqQ8fMgx91PwGxXQgF0WD4
|
b2psp9
|
{
"description": "insulting the other guy",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for insulting the other guy?
|
My ex-girlfriend (22F) and I (22M) dated for 4 years. About 2 months leading to our break up, she went home for 2 weeks to visit her family. Normally, she would constantly call or text anytime she’s away. So I found it strange that she only called twice and halfheartedly texted the entire time but I chalked it up to our fight a few days prior. She later admitted that during the visit, she hooked up with another guy, let's call him Josh. Josh (28M) is her family friend. He had a fiancé of 1 year, dated for 6 years. We had a double date when I visited her family a few years ago. I broke up with my ex, left to stay at a friend's place and told her that I'll pick up my stuff in a few days. When I returned to get my stuff, she apologized that she was very emotional because of our fight and Josh comforted her and one thing led to another. She didn't want to cheat on me and asked me to stay. Eventually, I caved in. I told her that my trust for her is completely broken and to make this works, she has to cut all contact with Josh, directly and indirectly (through her family) even if it means blocking his number/social media. I gave her a day to finish any business left with him and after that, I would use any means necessary, even if that incudes invading her privacy (which we didn't have any while dating) to make sure she holds up her end. She agreed to all that.
​
A week after, I found out that she was talking with Josh behind my back. He said things along the line that I’m not mature enough to appreciate her like he does and that he is not that insecure to control who she talks to. I was enraged at this point. Who is he to take the moral high ground? I picked up the phone and called Josh: For someone your age, it’s a dick move to dump your fiancé a month before the wedding to hook up with someone else in a long-term relationship. Do you even use the space between your ears for anything than growing plants? You should be ashamed of yourself, jerk. I then hanged up and broke up with my ex. A few weeks ago, the story came up when I was pressed by my friends and family on the topic of dating and why I broke up with my ex. Everyone called me out on the phone call with Josh that what happened between him and my ex is their business. He doesn’t owe me anything, so he will do whatever benefits him and I should not get involved. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
zfXZeiuPQbyS7o2XuJTj5B6bNmZw93az
|
a92dbh
|
{
"description": "telling someone why they couldn't see and save my art",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling someone why they couldn't see and save my art?
|
TL;DR someone asked me if they could save my art (in a particularly odd manner). Bluntly told them why I wouldn't let them and they did their own AITA in the general chat. Chaos ensued.
​
I go on many public Discord servers purely to share and discuss art that I or others have made. It's absolute bliss to know that people appreciate and would love to get art from me.
However, one specific server that I had joined recently irked me. I wasn't particularly in with the general userbase and not very many were involved with the art community and the general etiquette. Regardless, I posted a work in progress of my art, hoping for a few bits of appreciation or discussion.
One user (let's call him Poe) comes in and tells me minutes after that my art was cool. Poe likes it, and wants to save it. Normally I'd be fine if it were a trustworthy server, but something about Poe's approach just really... creeped me out. It's quite hard to describe it without sounding hostile. It gave out red flags that I'd noted down as the general characteristics of an art thief. Deciding it's better safe than sorry, I left him hanging, deleted my art, and left the server altogether (also due to how ticked off I got with the userbase.) As an artist who's had to bust art thieves, it feels awful to just think about being in that situation.
While I was done with directly interacting with that server, my friends (who still were inside just to watch how things went down) kept sending screenshots of daily events they found funny. Over the course of the next two or so days the occasional Poe-asking-to-do-X-with-art screenshot came up. Examples included Poe asking artists if he could digitalize their art (in the same creepy manner), which only reaffirmed my paranoia. Today, my friends told of how some people gave a user some critique on their art. Poe had basically told them their opinion was invalid because they weren't artists.
That was the last straw.
I wanted to give my two cents on his statement, so I joined again, never intending to post any media. I told Poe that the mentality he had doesn't hold up logically. No one needs to be a chef to know that they're being served a bowl of literal piss, right?
Poe missed the entire point.
He asked me to show my art. I told him, word for word:
"you’ve seen it before
i’m not posting them again because the way you asked to save mine in the past was creepy and suspicious
i don’t know you, based on your behaviour i can’t trust you (easily), therefore i’m not taking any risks for my property to be stolen"
Poe was confused about this. I explained who he initially knew me as. Poe then proceeded to do his own AITA in the general chat, acting as if I couldn't see him.
In the moment I went to explain my side, he was explaining that he was just trying to be nice and respectful to the artist (again, creepily.) I told him that while he might have been genuinely trying to be nice, it horrendously backfired on him. Poe then goes into complete damage control and says it was a joke, and to not be triggered. (I'm not quite sure how responding calmly is being triggered either.)
Soon enough, it turned into a full scale argument. Poe's friends argued points that seemed real iffy to me. Meanwhile, some other guy argued that they weren't seeing it from my side. Poe was still trying to say "it was joke!!!" Either way, it was an absolute mess.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
GSHVwctxIhSU9mxd8isjAMlrJFTXLP0U
|
a3qcjg
|
{
"description": "telling my sister to get over a dead dear",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my sister to get over a dead dear?
|
So, I was by myself for a day at my house while my parents and my sister went shopping. Apparently, on the way home they found a dead dear on a ditch, and my sister saw it out the window. When they got home she was crying and angry at my parents for not trying to save it, even though it was already dead. Because of this she went vegetarian which I understand and dont mind. But she kept trying to guilt trip my family to not kill any animals, and we butcher chickens about once a year. She wouldn't stop being depressed and crying for days until I eventually told her to just get over it. I might not have been very gentle, but it wasn't right for her to keep guilt tripping us and I wasnt going vegetarian for anyone. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
b3d2mYYrKIUS37JP8l0VJcY35km9mQXc
|
aatkjr
|
{
"description": "driving straight down the center of a directional parking aisle",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for driving straight down the center of a directional parking aisle?
|
So, I work at a local retail store. Our parking lot, like a lot of parking lots has aisles that are meant to go in a single direction. I always drive down the middle of the aisle as I was taught. When another driver comes down the aisle the wrong way and see me there, they give me the finger and honk, expecting me to move over and let them through. It seems to me they're in the wrong for going the wrong way. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
W05v3iPuG3pIWfWilKnf7DCGAQ7AX57L
|
ay60lq
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to stop sending me memes",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend to stop sending me memes?
|
Yes, the title is as dumb as it sounds, but it goes kind of deep.
​
So I have this friend. We'll call her Jill. Jill and I have only been friends since the beginning of the current school year (\~August 2018). I'd say we're pretty close but, having known her for less than a year, she definitely isn't one of my top friends, even though we hang out and talk a lot.
​
Anyway we have each other added on Snapchat and every day she sends anywhere from 3 to 10 "Snapchat memes" from people like "FIRE MEMES" or "WEED COMEDY" (drugs make me uncomfortable and she knows that; this is important later on). Around Christmas of 2018 there was one night where I literally could not sleep because my phone kept lighting up with notifications (she sent maybe 30 memes in total). I confronted her about it and it went a little like this:
​
Me: Hey Jill can you stop sending me those, please? I'm trying to sleep and it's kind of annoying because it keeps lighting up my notifications.
Jill: Fine, I guess I'll go hurt myself since you don't appreciate these.
Me: It's not that at all... I'm just trying to sleep and I can't when you keep sending me those memes. Plus they're not even really that funny. (Over half of them belong on [r/ComedyCemetery](https://www.reddit.com/r/ComedyCemetery), in my honest opinion.)
Jill: Well your sense of humor is in TikTok and hentai.
Me: Yep, we all have different senses of humor. Now please stop sending me those.
​
5 minutes later my phone blazes with 3 new notifications. I ignore it, power down my phone, and talk about it with her in the morning since I was too tired to deal with her shit. Apparently she had been crying that night because I told her to stop sending them. Whether that's true or not it sounds more like a "her" problem to me. I felt like I was nice and fair.
​
To keep the rest of this concise, from then until now she sent a few every day and I occasionally reminded her not to send them (with no response) but today was the straw that broke the camel's back. She sent one of those WEED COMEDY memes and I broke down (I recently learned one of my 13 year old friends was a huge druggie so I've been much more sensitive to that as of late). I told her that she really needed to stop because I hate those memes and she should know I do. She, once again, replied that she was going to hurt herself and that she felt underappreciated and that I needed to "cut my shit". Now she's been pretty much ignoring me but I don't feel like I'm in the wrong.
​
Before I wrap this up I should mention that I texted my closest friend about this to get some insight. She said that Jill more than likely was "into me" (which, comparing us, I don't see how that could be; she's way out of my league) and that me saying that stuff to her could have impacted her more than I intended.
​
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
jtCzA6qwRrnDGdSCvpTHSXrIHSfJCjv4
|
a9aeqt
|
{
"description": "making it apparent to brother that he smells like shit",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for making it apparent to brother that he smells like shit
|
I'm 21, going to college and am on break. My brother is 23, on break from college and lives in apartments a little ways from the house and every time he comes to the house when I'm there, he wreaks of body oder and sweat. I started letting him know subtly and he gets super aggressive over it. It's to the point where I can't stand his stench, especially when in the wake of it, that I just make it obvious by leaving the room and saying I can't stand it. Which is what I just did. He tries to make it out like I'm the villain. As if I'm the sweaty, smelly shit rag who's walking into peoples houses, stinking up the place. God I realize how much of an asshole that makes me sound when typing it out but those are just passive thoughts.
I love him to pieces but am overly irritated to the point of avoiding him. I swear he knows I'm not just making up this smell shit on my own and is at least somewhat aware of his oder. I guess maybe he is nose blind and can't smell himself which I'm fully understanding of cause I live in a dorm where half the people smell just as bad, if not worse.
AITA for being pissed at my brother and attempting to make him more aware of his smell in not so subtle ways? He can't expect me to be civil about it since it's been a problem for a few years now and were only 1 and a half years apart.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
kvI4h2glweV4k6vFDVgN8CgKjYgsNTxx
|
arnhxz
|
{
"description": "coming out to my mom",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for coming out to my mom?
|
I need a moral judgement on this that’s coming from somewhere other than my own head because I’m talking myself in circles here.
For background, I’m a 22 year old trans man. I’m independent from my family with the exception of health insurance (which I could get through my employer but my parents pay for the family plan anyway since I have siblings). I do live near my family and we definitely have a family culture of close relationships and being very open. My mom has a rare and aggressive form of breast cancer that not much is known about - a diagnosis is a death sentence, it’s just a question of when. She has now made it two and a half years since Stage 4 diagnosis (she was originally told that she had 18 months at best). She now has no evidence of disease and although she has to remain on medications and deals with side effects, her life has very much gone back to normal with the caveat that when (not if) her cancer comes back, she’s going to die very quickly. As such, I feel obligated to protect/help/take care of her as much as possible.
At this point, I’m in therapy and planning to start testosterone in the near future, and I love my mom and want to be able to share things about my life with her so I feel I should tell her. We get along well and have a seemingly close relationship except for the fact that my end of it has to be 100% faked because she is obsessed with me being her daughter (a pressure she doesn’t place on my younger sister at all). We’re talking “how’s my girl?” as the first thing she says when she calls, a sparkly pink “BIRTHDAY GIRL” card on my 22nd birthday, etc. I’ve hinted at the fact that I’m not a woman as much as I can without coming out, but I know that she’ll be shocked and feel heartbroken, like she’s lost a daughter. She knows me as a lesbian, is kind, caring and respectful to my trans friends and the trans community in general, and I’m 100% sure she will love and accept me after her initial shock.
TLDR: I’m a trans man with a sick mom and it feels selfish and morally icky to me to tell her and add to her stress/force her to deal with the loss of a daughter, WIBTA for coming out?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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b3r904
| null |
AITA-"Former" best friend's wife died and i just don't care.
|
AITA - So, this guy was my best friend since I was 18. He was best man at my wedding, when his life fell apart I let him move in with me. I thought we were as thick as thieves. Well, there is no loyalty among thieves.
Some twenty years later, I was long divorced, he was on his second marriage and he was a cheater. Wasn't entirely his fault, his wife decided after they got married she didn't like sex anymore, in fact she hated it, and he's one of those guys that live for vagina. The friendship ended when I found out he had been trying to sleep with every girlfriend I ever had behind my back. When he was caught, he denied it and suddenly I heard more truth from more exes. I haven't spoken to him since.
A couple of years afterwards, he was divorced from wife #2 and she messaged me saying he was been going through tough times and needs his friend back. I asked her if he told her WHY I no longer spoke to him.
She replied that he told her I was harassing a woman for sex at a club and she came to him for help and that he was the hero for getting in between us. He liked. I then told her about all of his girlfriends while he was married to her.
Now it's been ten more years. He was on wife #3. I never met her. His second wife contacted me last week saying how crushed he was his wife died.
I really don't care. I never met her. I don't care how sad he is. I just don't care. I seriously feel nothing. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b9ydur
|
{
"description": "cutting off my friend for being a hypocritical jerk",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting off my friend for being a hypocritical jerk?
|
This girl was a really close friend to me and my friend group but sometime last year, she left our group chat (for reasons she kept changing). So naturally, we slowly drifted apart because she wasn't part of our jokes or conversations. And every time any one of us would mention the group chat, she would give another reason of why she left and got really mad.
After school started we didn't have much classes with her so we talked less. When we would talk, she would constantly call us annoying and acted like we were causing her trouble. In addition, she would touch us kinda sexually and make us clearly uncomfortable. When we would invite her to places, she got mad at us for giving late notice and yelled at us that she needed at least two weeks to think about it. But when we made last minute plans and didn't invite her, she would get even more mad at us and told us that 2 days notice isn't late notice. She always vented to us about her being depressed (which is okay) but every time we tried to vent to her, she would try to one-up us that her depression was worse. She would blame her depression on her rough childhood but her family is really supportive and sweet so idk what she was trying to say. She also took her music way too seriously. Once, she pushed my friend out of her lunch seat and ran across the cafeteria just because my friend said something negative about her music. She did this while constantly making fun of our music.
So recently, we made a pact to not talk to her and cut her off. She soon realized that we were ignoring her and confronted us. When she did this, she was being really dramatic and said the same thing to everyone. (Later, she sent all of us a voicemail of her crying). She was getting really desperate so we gave her a second chance to fix her act. (During this we were nice as possible and really reasonable). She didn't talk to us after we gave her a second chance which makes no sense because she was so emotional over us cutting her off.
Since she didn't even try to make an effort to be our friend again, she started to cut herself off. Now, she's telling everyone rumors about us being mean to her. EVERYONE. To people she doesn't even know...
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
c4st1ak5KjCjSefzRK3zkOrAC8iL2FVY
|
b0dun3
|
{
"description": "dating my friends ex girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For dating my friends ex girlfriend?
|
So around the beginning of last year my best friend started a relationship with a girl we went to school with, I liked her from around the same time, but I really didn't want to compete with him and let him try to start something with her. To my knowledge he only went on a few dates with her, and they were only really a couple for a few weeks, and I eventually learned from my now girlfriend that she never really felt a connection to him, it seems like he put a lot of value in that relationship that wasn't shared, she doesn't even consider it a romantic relationship. He did some stuff he shouldn't have that wasn't respectful to her and they split up.
I never really moved on from her but also never really made any moves with her until she started talking to me over the summer, eventually we hooked up, and have been together for close to 8 months now.
I told most of my other friends before the one who had been with my gf, and I never planned on keeping it a secret from him I just wanted to tell him when I felt it was right, but was forced into doing it when he was transfering back to our school, he said he was okay with it then, but I later found out he really wasn't. He's really uncomfortable around her, and me being in a relationship with her has put a lot of stress on our friendship, I didn't want to lose him as a friend, but I'm not willing to break up with my gf either, I love her.
From what he says, he thinks it's scummy that I started something with her after he had something. I think he considers her as an ex girlfriend, but it seems my gf was clear with him while they were dating that they weren't there yet, he feels that makes her off limits now, at least to his friends.
For me I feel like what they had was so minor it couldn't be considered a relationship, especially since she feels the same way. I feel like he feels something that wasn't there, and they broke up because he asked her for nudes after a week, then made a diss track on her after she said no, and stopped talking to him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
3P1GRuVgvS0gJb4MRwv5CF1DpugKVvkD
|
anys24
|
{
"description": "being upset at my brothers condition",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For being upset at my brothers condition?
|
TLDR as a haiku:
Brother has disease
Our bathroom is filled with shit
I don't like his shit
​
So for context me \[18m\] and my brother \[21m\] still live at home with my parents. This means we have to share a bathroom as my parents end up claiming 2 of them (one for both of them and another for my mom who loves makeup). My brother is a complete slob when it comes to bathroom use and he never ends up cleaning so I have to do it because I hate having a dirty bathroom. even when i complain to him or my parents he never does it (he's a little bit of a favourite). But thats besides the point, my issue is that he was diagnosed with chron's disease (which is a bowel disease which basically makes your gut uncontrollable at times) for which he takes medication.
​
so anyways here's the real problem pepare for a bit of grossness (sorry). Evertime I go to our bathroom I have to clean off our toilet seat because somehow he gets faeces on it and who wants to sit or even look at that shit? (literally). Not only that but sometimes the faeces will end up around the toilet. Not only that but on one occassion he somehow got some on my pants in the laundry basket (low to the floor) which I then yelled at him for and got yelled at by my parents.
​
In any case I complained to him first and he claimed it was out of his control and that he cant stop his problem. I was not to happy with the state of our bathroom and so I complained to my parents about it since he wasn't having any of it. They basically said the same thing of just try to accept it, he can't control it. I constantly get into fights with them about it because it happens non stop.
​
Am I the asshole for thinking that my 21 year old brother should be able to control himself a little bit more properly despite his condition especially since he takes medication for it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
aeE4OJiOPbI8KecfU6Jl1Fgnn8b5M9tT
|
aw5qzj
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to stop letting guys flirt with her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for telling my friend to stop letting guys flirt with her
|
My friend (20F) has a naturally flirty personality and is very attractive, so wherever we go out without a doubt as least one guys will hit on her.
I really dont mind at all this happens and at this point, I like to just sit back and watch it happen sometimes because I get a kick out of it and she does to.
However, I condone this type of behavior, while she was single. She got into a new monogamous relationship maybe a month or two ago and I think morally its wrong for her to continuously let guys come on to her(letting them hug her for extended periods of time, taking down their instagrams getting up close and personal with them). Its not like this is all in my head either. I’ve had acquaintances come up to me and be confused and ask me “wait isnt she in a relationship?”.
Do whatever you want when you’re single but when you’re dating you have to respect your significant other. Or else you shouldnt be in a relationship.
I voiced my opinions to her and basically just said “if you’re in a relationship, you can’t let guys keep flirting with you like that”. and she got very defensive. I later found out that she ranted to one of our mutual friends taking about how I said something that was “so hurtful” and “what about compassion and understanding?”. I was voicing my opinion for something I thought was wrong but she made it out to seem like I had killed her best friend or something. Was I really the asshole for expressing my feelings about this?
Also i’m not saying its her fault guys come up to her and approach her, but I dont think she should be getting numbers and taking instas. In one instance one guy comes up to her from behind and hugs her and grind on her and puts his face into her neck. And she just let it happen.
Tl:dr: my friend is in a new relationship but still lets guys flirt with her and take down their instas, am I the asshole for telling her to stop this behavior because she has a boyfriend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
7mAPvP4runUzpb54vNEjQGrs9fLEDNDi
|
9x6dxe
|
{
"description": "not letting my guy friends spank me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting my guy friends spank me?
|
I'm a dude and a bunch of my guy friends at a party/kickbuck just decided they would spank each other on the ass repeatedly and I refused to partake in this and I was kicked out of the party and nobody has talked to me since. On top of this I was removed from their group chat. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
BN03PsqSg45dKJPDRXHVLFiGALsGj8SB
|
b5f14h
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay up in a competition",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to pay up in a competition?
|
My family is on vacation right now and one of the things we decided to do was go put-put golfing. My sister (18F) and I (18M) decided to put a little wager on who got the lower score, $10 to the winner.
On the very first hole I got a 2, which was the par for hole 1. My sister who went after me wasn’t able to get it past the single barrier for that hole in 3 strokes. Our dad decided to tell her to reset and try the hole from the beginning which my sister did. She proceed to shoot a hole in 1 which my mom recorded on the score sheet.
After a few more times of this happening (my parents moving her ball ahead for time-sake) and me calling her a cheater, the game was over. After we tallied up the score sheet my sister had won by 11 points. If she hadn’tve gotten all of those pity restarts she would have definitely lost.
Cut to the car ride home and my sister tells me to pay up. I tell her that the competition was invalid because of the fact that she didn’t play the game correctly and had been given so many retrys. My parents said that if a deal was made I should pay up because she technically won the game. I think I shouldn’t have to pay because she didn’t play the game fairly and she’s upset that I’m not paying up.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
dGdHI1J3d7ngA3sTmwV0Tne0ope5a1iH
|
9vdekl
|
{
"description": "not wanting to help my severely handicapped mom anymore",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA? I dont want to help my severely handicapped mom anymore.
|
My mom had a stroke 2 years ago and I'm really uncomfortable being in the room with her while she slurs her words and chews her food, it's hard to see anyone you care about change into that but that's not the real issue.. .I also just dont respect her much as a human and the meds shes on make it harder to put up with her. She also needs my help after a small surgery... I dont live nearby and I just really want her to ask someone else. I technically can drop everything and help her but I dont want to.
I already know I'm an asshole.. but let me explain. I dont care for my family, they're all backwards hicks and I hate being on the phone or going to lunch... I have a mom and a brother. My bro is 6 years older and my mom was a single mom... she spent more time at work than home which was respectable until I turned 11, my bro moved out, my mom was sick of *doing everything* and I was sent off to the country to live with her abusive redneck drinking buddies. I lived with (different) other people from 11 to 17 (including a bf from 14 to 17) then dropped out of school and ran off to 3 other states before finding a home in California for 12 years. My mom visited often, she became a truck driver to follow her dreams when she sent me off... I got homesick sometimes because it was 12 years and I forgave my mom for a while, she was someone I'd go out of my way to meet and i included her in xmas stuff.
Then she had her stroke, wiped out the right half of her mobility, shes in pain, the meds make her emotional and... rude. I was so worried in California, every phone call sounded like she was being tortured by everyone trying to help her... I felt horrible so I actually give up my job and home in cali and made my daughter leave her world to come live with and help my mom. Now I had to get a job, then an apartment, and I got both quickly but maybe only because my mom called 6 times a day for status reports and asking what the hold up is. I arrived in October and had an apartment by xmas. Moved her in, and became her fucking slave. She treated my daughter like crap, acted like everything in the world revolved around her stroke, brings up politics and god entirely too much, cried daily over how unfair it all was... but mostly I couldn't leave my 12 year daughter alone with her, she was so mean and on xmas told my daughter she would always be a horrible person... yeah my baby cried and shes not horrible, I blame the meds, my mom changed after this stroke. She will admit she was a beast, so I swear I'm not exaggerating. Anyway, she got sick of ME and decided to move back to the place I *saved* her from and by then I was done... I maxed out all my credit cards to get to Texas and help her and she lasted 2 months in my care.. I dont call, I hate her voice, and on top of just being uncomfortable seeing my mom in this condition I'm really angry that she would insist I spend so much time and money to help her then not need me... describe me to people as a selfish punk. I really wish I just never came back to help in the first place. I ruined my life, it's been 7 months since she had someone pick her and her things up. I couldn't afford nor wanted to keep that place or job so I quit everything and moved in with my travelling bf, my daughter is already homeschooled so we are always on the road now and it's been better than Texas but I'm still pissed that I did so much for my mom and it was just a total disaster.. so that's where I'm coming from, sorry of that's long. ANYWAY she has a blockage in her leg and I assume it's an angioplasty coming up and she called me asking of I could come (currently in utah but maybe heading back to TX in a few weeks) because she needs help for a few days after the procedure. I just... I honestly feel like when she dies it will be sad but a relief and that makes me feel like shit... I also dont know if these feelings are justified or if I'm just horrible now. Should I do it? I havent told her how I feel. Also she wants help with money and I'm not finding work on the road for extra cash and I wont be asking my bf for money to help her... she sounds so miserable on the phone but I hesitate to feel sorry for her. I really dont have much family, I dont want to hate them, but 3 or 4 days with her might be too much for me. I'm kind of looking for justifiable reasons not to feel obligated to ever help her again.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
CXoe7tpPPJInWWyJYCwZ02wd4Felt4gm
|
b5ax04
|
{
"description": "telling my wife she's selfish for wanting to have a baby that looks like her",
"pronormative_score": 237,
"contranormative_score": 33
}
|
AITA for telling my wife she's selfish for wanting to have a baby that looks like her (white).
|
We have been together 10 years and have 2 together. I am Hispanic and she is as Caucasian. We have been talking about starting number 3 or adopting and out of no where she tells me that she is was upset because she will probably never have a child that looks like her, blue eyes blond hair.
Both our kids obviously look mixed race but are beautiful. After a long go I told her I understood but she was selfish to get so upset at the thought of wanting a white child.
She asked me to put this up for all of you. According to her and her white friends I am the A.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 161,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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"INFO": 7
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 33
}
|
RIGHT
|
rdKzqIXlu55dgbjHt2ivv7fualPvGVjR
|
9yw8u4
|
{
"description": "getting upset with a friend at a joke she made at my expense",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset with a friend at a joke she made at my expense?
|
I’ll just give you some backstory:
I recently started some medication about a month and a half ago to help me with my OCD and Anxiety. It’s really helping and I’m feeling better since I’ve started it!
Now, two days ago my friend and I were studying for exams and I said ‘I’m feeling really nervous about it, I don’t know how I’ll go’ and she loudly exclaimed ‘That’s why you’re on so many meds!’. I felt really embarrassed because lots of people overheard and than started approaching me outside of that study period asking why I was taking medication and what was wrong with me and it was an extremely uncomfortable experience.
Later that day I told we that it upset me because it wasn’t fair to say that, especially around so many people. And that even if they weren’t there, I still would feel upset because it isn’t something to joke about. She than accused me of being overly sensitive, making a big deal out of nothing, overreacting and saying that I can’t take her Koen because that’s all it was.
Am I the asshole for being upset at what she did?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Au31cqr5BqeQSjaTFKLQ7Op31JQogVXS
|
a6m4rx
|
{
"description": "humiliating a girl for cheating on a kid with cancer",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For humiliating a girl for cheating on a kid with cancer?
|
Okay so about a month ago I found out that my friend, let’s call him Bob, has leukemia and had to move across the country for treatment and to get a marrow transplant. There’s this girl, let’s call her Ally. Ally has a notorious reputation and Bob is new to school this year and didn’t know much about how people are. Ally has fucked one of the most racist and awful people I know in 7th grade and has a record of cheating in every relationship she’s been in, including my friend who we’ll call Carl. Ally has cheated on Carl three times and Carl kept going back to her because he’s stupid. Ally is an extreme alcoholic and also has a cocaine habit and has spread false rumors about me that almost led to me getting arrested. I’ve experienced her face to face and kept a close eye on her relationship patterns. Anyways I launched my own little investigation to see if she’s cheating on Bob and using his cancer to her advantage for pity. I have found a bit of evidence and talked to many people and I’m wholeheartedly convinced she’s cheating so yesterday I lost my shit and called her a fucking skank who cheats on kids with cancer and many people heard this and Ally played dumb and then once she knew she might be fucked she cried for the next hour. Bob later asked me what happened and I told him everything. Many people suspect she’s been doing this but nobody wanted to tell Bob because of his current condition but when I told him he says he’s sick of the pity and thanked me many many times. So AITA for this?
TL;DR: Girl has a habit of cheating in every relationship and cheats on a kid with cancer during his chemo treatments so I call her a whore in public and tell her boyfriend who is also my friend.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
FJgcdoJgx7lKE59NWmqFJqPRRaysug5H
|
acnxab
|
{
"description": "making a judgement call at work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making a judgement call at work?
|
Giving a bit of a back story to my actions. I work at a big airport with one of the biggest contracted company. We just went through training where they tell you to look for anything/anyone suspicious and to act on it to prevent anything from happening. The practice has been also been loosely mentioned over the two years I've been here.
From previous experiences around my work site, we've had unknown personnels roaming as well as other workers from the same company but different department roam my area in an attempt to hide from work and get free money. My awareness around work has been up there because I just don't want a repeat of dumb shit around here.
So this is what happened yesterday. I was coming into work later than usual. I have to catch a bus to get into the airport and get dropped off at the first terminal. It's easier and faster to get off there, walk across the parking lot, and to terminal 6. While on the bus, the guy sitting across from me is wearing the company uniform, at least half of it. Wasn't in full attire, literally just had his work pants on with a t-shirt, windbreaker, and non-work compliance boots. I couldn't recognize him and in the back of my head, thought he worked at the other department. Throughout the short bus ride, he just acting off, nervous twitch here and there, talking under his breath a lot, even glancing at me back and forth. We get to the first terminal and we both proceed to get off. I'm still thinking, this guy doesn't work on my side does he? Both of us start walking in the same direction, he's just a few more paces in front of me. I'm trying to mind my own business at this point and think he's coming in for some overtime maybe. We get halfway through the parking lot when Mr. Suspicious gives me one last glare before he books the fuck out of it. He played Frogger with some light traffic and ran full sprint to my work site. When that happened, I get on the phone with my coworkers to warn them of a guy that might be coming in for unknown reasons, even though he's half dressed for work.
I proceed to an access tunnel that we have that takes me straight to the office and here is where I run into him again, only this time he's running towards me. To me, that's just another red flag amongst the other little things he did earlier. I stop him, first by putting my hands up in a stop motion then gently held him. I challenge him for his badge to which he refuse and exclaim that he need to go now. I get more assertive in my voice and demand to see his badge to now he complies while yelling at me that he needs to go. I ask him why is he here and who did he work under. He's getting more angry with me just from his facial expressions and name-drops a morning supervisor but doesn't tell me why he's here. I couldn't believe him because he's not giving me enough information to run on so I escort him to the office. Now he's extremely mad and saying that he needs to go and doesn't have to explain himself to me because we don't work together. I make it very clear for him that he looks suspicious and that I have a right to know who is here on my shift and why the hell is he running away from the work site.
We make it to the break room that leads to our office and now we're smack right in the middle of of the room with the full workforce all open-eyes and closed-mouths. Myself and the guy get really heated to which he says I "aggressively" handled him and had we been in the streets, he would of killed me. I ignore the the death threat and I keep reiterating my point of how sketchy he looked with no badge and was running full speed down the tunnel.
I realized during the exchange that he definitely works for us but for the morning shift. I can hear my coworkers telling me that he's good and they just talked to him, but we're both going at it still. My general manager steps in between the both of us and sends the guy on his way and me into the office.
I feel like I acted appropriately given with all the crazy shit that happens at airports, I was following procedure and made a quick judgement call. On top of that, I can't stand lazy workers who tries to work the system by thinking they could hide and get away from it. Let me know if I acted out of line or whatever, I'm still racking my brain back and forth on this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
g53tHkH2OecWKU4hQ6E88DH2SCEeRFfX
|
asfulp
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be on a project with a couple",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be on a project with a couple
|
Background: College level science class, no final exam in place of a group assignment. Groups of three.
Really they both seem like very nice people and I have nothing against either of them but I don't know them and teams were assigned quasi-randomly. Like they could choose to be on a team but if they did I didnt have a choice. They seem to be mostly professional about it but I'm finding myself doing a large part of the work. While I dont mind helping and learning to understand some real world scenarios, I'm going to have a hard time having any voice in what happens.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
zZpEgc8F6iGWr7wlzkiJT5nHiQQlzCog
|
b7j6hn
|
{
"description": "not rallying behind my adulterous coworkers",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not rallying behind my adulterous coworkers?
|
I work for a small company (\~23 employees) that has a HEAVY family feel to it. I love it; it's very much a found-family situation after having no relationship with my blood family. As a result we're really open with each other and a lot of our staff meetings are basically just hangouts. I feel like people will hone in on this part instead of the actual point of the post, so I have to say: yes, it is abnormal for a company to operate this way and yes, many corps will have "family-feel" only to manipulate you, but due to our size and culture we are honestly all very close.
There's one coworker in particular who everyone looks up to. He's a morning shift manager and he's honestly the kindest, most genuine person I've ever met. His wife is just as fantastic: kind, hilarious, beautiful. Think prom king and queen all grown up.
Per the title, it came to light that he and another coworker have been *dating* for about half a year. This was incredibly shocking since I highly respected them. When gossip started to fly around, the owners called a staff meeting so that they could come clean and the facts would be out in the open. They gave some pretty bad excuses: she just rambled about how she didn't recognize herself these days and he said he's been really depressed but, don't you worry, his feelings for her are true. I had to fight to keep my face neutral because it sounded like bullshit and I wasn't interested in hearing more, but the owner opened it up for us to voice feelings at the end. To my surprise, mostly everyone was saying stuff like "we've all made mistakes" and "it was really brave of you to be so vulnerable." IMO they got caught and were forced to come clean, so no bravery here, and this is not your typical "oops" mistake. This is a BIG mistake that I find morally reprehensible (I realized that just last month he brought his wife to his girlfriend's "just got my masters!" party...like, c'mon dude).
Normally this would be a fire-able offense, as per our handbook, but because we're trying to grow the company still the owners decided not to fire them. There will also be no further discipline (like loss of leadership) besides the "really hard" meeting because that was "hard enough for them." We ended with hugs of support and encouragement.
A few days out from the event and I'm still pretty sour, but everyone else is moving on like nothing happened. These two are still getting put on pedestals for being amazing people yet I can barely look at them. On one hand I know this doesn't really effect me, so maybe I don't have a right to be this upset, but on the other I feel somewhat...betrayed and disgusted? I can't rally behind them like the rest of coworkers seem to have no problem doing, which makes me feel like I might be the one in the wrong. I only feel sorry for his wife.
​
So, please help: AITA for not forgiving and forgetting my coworkers for their affair?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
R5WLIoiMtReOdCtGr76tvVNzGGqY2MUc
|
admp7a
|
{
"description": "telling my best friend that he will most definitely fail a course",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if i told my best friend that he will most definitely fail a course?
|
throwaway and LONG
TLDR; my best friend is determined to take a course that is notoriously difficult. he refuses to listen to me. he failed three courses last year, he's re-taking two of them right now and failing both, and i don't want him to fail again.
​
my best friend at university, let's call him john, started as an english/arts major. he took a geology course as an elective in first year, fell in love with the subject, and switched his major to geology (from arts to science). in high school, he didn't take science past grade 10 and didn't take math past grade 11.
​
in switching from arts to science, john has to take a lot of the core science courses - first year calculus, first year physics, first year chemistry. he took chemistry last year and passed with a 52. he failed calculus and physics. he also failed a geology course.
​
this year, he's re-taking calculus and physics. he's failing both right now, with a 40 and 45 respectively, but has until april to bring his grades up. he just got permission to switch into an easier calculus course, and have it count for his calculus requirement. he's trying to do everything he can to pass.
​
john was wait-listed for an upper year geology course that he really wanted to take. he signed up for this physiology course instead because it fit his schedule.
i took that physiology course last year because it was required, and it was a nightmare. it was HARD, and i barely passed with a 56. while there are some people that do really well in it, most people don't.
​
john got into the upper year geology course that he wanted, but refuses to drop the physiology course. so now he's taking 6 courses instead of the normal 5, two of which he's already failing. i've tried to tell him multiple times that physiology is not an easy course to pass and it's not a good choice for an elective (ie. only take it if you have to). he won't listen to me. i don't think it's a good idea, and i don't want his wake up call to be another failed course.
​
I don't want to undermine the hard work he's put in to get to this point. i don't want to make him feel stupid, because he's not. but i am his best friend and i really want him to have a good year. i want him to focus on passing calculus and physics. if he takes this course, and fails it, he'll be placed on academic probation.
​
I know it's possible that he will love physiology and do really well in it, but if i'm being honest, he won't. I love him to death, but he WILL fail this course.
​
WIBTA if i told him point blank he will fail the course if he takes it?
​
​
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
6uWmyWzk9F3vrDKEVcm3ZTgTCwLaFbH0
|
aho0zu
|
{
"description": "asking my sister not to open new credit card accounts",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my sister not to open new credit card accounts?
|
My sister recently asked me for money to pay for a medical procedure (500$). I said I'd pay half of it, if she would agree, in writing, not to open any new credit cards for herself for the next year. She got angry and said that credit cards are unrelated to this financial help, that it's none of my business, and hung up on me.
​
However, I see the two as very related: my sister has gone bankrupt, due in no small part to credit card debt, twice now (she's in the middle of the second bankruptcy). Then she asks me or my mom for financial assistance like this. I feel like it's a cycle, and that if I'm going to help her financially, she should also do something on her part to get out of the cycle. I know that credit cards are helpful to plenty of people, but based on her track record I think it's bad for her to use them right now.
​
She has now blocked my number, one of the main reasons being this. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
t27A99WlAfdXoUtRXMqyRzqXD01GuqiT
|
a4t8uj
|
{
"description": "moving someones car who illegally blocked me in my private property parking space",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for moving someones car who illegally blocked me in my private property parking space?
|
I live in an apartment building [which has tandem parking with two spaces per per apartment](https://i.imgur.com/EVJncQ3.png), and access to the parking levels (1-5) are done via a locked automatic roller door which people can only get through if they have a remote for it (or sneak through behind someone else). I only have a single car, and sometimes I let my friends park in the space in front of my car if they give me notice, so I generally park at the back of the double space (plus it's easier for my neighbours who have two cars).
Earlier this year a random car began parking in front of mine on Friday afternoons, meaning I couldn't go out with my car on Friday nights, annoying, but not the biggest issue when you live super close to the city. This continued nearly every week over about 5 weeks when I didn't park my car at the front of the bay (which I began doing), but times I planned to leave the space free for friends coming over or whatever, the car appeared again. I made repeated attempts to stop this behaviour by leaving notes, which escalated into leaving print outs of a photo of the car with the license plate clearly visible and an explanation that if it happened again I'd press charges and/or have the vehicle towed.
It happened again and this time it was still there Saturday afternoon when I had been planning on going away with a group of my mates. My guess is, someone went out on Friday, got drunk, and decided to pick up the car "later", not concerning themselves with the inconvenience it caused anyone else. It clearly hadn't moved, as my aggressive note telling them to fuck off was still there sitting limply under their wiper blades.
I figured enough was enough, it was time to have the vehicle towed, so I called building management and eventually calling a towing company, who refused to help because the space was on the third floor, and they can't get any trucks up to that level because of the height and space restrictions. I had previously called the police when other vehicles had blocked me in and the response was some variation of "Unless it's been there for long enough to be considered abandoned there's nothing they can do, however I am welcome to have it removed sooner.".
Fortunately for me however, my parents only live 30 minutes away, and have a garage where I work on one of my cars that's getting at the tail end of a minor restoration. One of the things I use pretty often is a set of [Vehicle Positioning Jacks](https://www.kincrome.com.au/vehicle-posi-jack-300mm-5pc), to jam my project car right up against the wall of the garage to minimize the space it takes up. [For anyone that doesn't know, Vehicle Positioning Jacks are basically devices that slot under each wheel, then lift the car up on hydraulics so you can free wheel it in any direction.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=its2Kh-HKi8) Whilst I hadn't originally gone to retrieve them, when I had to take my project car off them, a bright idea came to my head.
None of my mates minded spending an extra hour to screw someone over that had interfered with us, so we grabbed the jacks, and went back, propped the car up, and wheeled it out. Six guys can easily move around a small hatchback, so we pushed across the level slowly and carefully, to an area where there isn't parking, but is a load supporting pillar with space enough for a car behind it, in a little section of the garage where it isn't lit and is completely out of the way. Typically there's a guy on my level that parks a motor bike there, but he isn't meant to, and I doubted he minded. We dumped it between the pillar and the wall, with the nose pointing towards the wall, I took back my angry note, the jacks, and we left to enjoy our weekend. [This is how the car ended up positioned.](https://i.imgur.com/x7S2B2T.gifv)
When he came back Monday afternoon after the long weekend the car was still there, which was no real surprise considering there was only about a foot of space for movement between the pillar and car, and another foot or so between the car and the wall. From the fact the front wheels had changed we're guessing they did try to get it out, unsuccessfully. It eventually went later in the week, though I'm not exactly sure how they managed it.
Am I the asshole for moving his car away from mine, and putting it in a position where it wouldn't inconvenience anyone else?
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
**TL;DR:** Jackass repeatedly blocked in my car by illegally parking in my private space, including over a long weekend when I had plans to go away with a group of mates. We used vehicle positioning jacks to move the car and place it between a pillar and a wall making it extremely hard to get out, from a secluded, dark and out of the way corner of the parking level where most people wouldn't have thought to look but also didn't significantly impact any other tenant. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 38,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 38,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZV563mRQKpjnqJVIdoLaS0ZbMCRLeKOh
|
b36fvq
|
{
"description": "being angry with my friend because he asked if I have a mental disorder",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being angry with my friend because he asked if I have a mental disorder?
|
I (17m) am not super close with my friend, (16m) but I do share how I’m feeling with him from time to time. He also knows that I’ve dealt with depression in the past, but that I’m doing better now. I think what caused him to ask this was last Saturday (when I was drunk to the point of not remembering what I said) when he said I talked about some things that he thought were worrying. So this morning, he sent me this:
[Text Screenshot](https://imgur.com/a/UVvfndy)
I felt really weird that he asked this and somewhat angry that he thinks I have mental problems just because of one night where I was drunk, and a few other times when I wasn’t feeling great. I haven’t explicitly told him how I’m annoyed, but I didn’t talk to him very much today.
Am I wrong to be upset? Is he just trying to look out for me? Any judgement is appreciated.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EuuhTEBTAScd7QgrQUw3H5PdKPX9Py72
|
aobsu0
|
{
"description": "telling my co-worker he smelled bad",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my co-worker he smelled bad?
|
My co-worker was standing next to me at my desk and I immediately caught wiff of a pretty rusty dankness. After he left, the odour went away. The thing is, one time we were in an elevator together and he had a bad odour then too. Aside from those two moments we haven’t had much close physical interaction, though we are on pleasant speaking terms at work.
I thought about it at home and figured if I smelled bad at work, no one would probably tell me so I would appreciate if someone did to avoid any embarrassment I may receive from further ignorance of my odour. The next day I sent him a private message in our work IM software, saying I noticed a bad smell around him and that it was probably just his nice dress shirt worn more than once or something. He sent me a sole 😢 emoji in response.
After I told my gf and she says I was really rude and basically an asshole for doing so because there could have been plenty of reasonable explanations and it could have really hurt his feelings. She says it was unconstructive criticism. To be fair, two smelly moments isn’t very many so I overstepped professional bounds however I felt sincere in my intention that I was trying to let him know something that he probably wasn’t aware of and could hurt his rep around the office. It was a private message and I haven’t mentioned it to anyone around the office.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
agRq2GYbjoWZxLin4DCTT3iynD9Fewfq
|
b52t9x
|
{
"description": "not wanting to refund the shipping fee when I paid it already",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to refund the Shipping fee when I Paid it already ?
|
So I`m not sure about this.
I sold an old headphone on Ebay which I had laying around for ages because I wrongfully bought it from ebay and couldnt just give it back.
I didnt remember which model it was, and somehow I still got in mind that it was a Bose Quietcomfort 15.
The highest bidder payed, I shipped. No problems so Far.
But then, the buyer came into contact with me, because I send the wrong product.
I mean I took Fotos of the Headphone. He could have seen which one he is bidding on. But turns out it was a Bose quietcomfort 3.
I thought to my self: well my bad. Better buy him a Refund Postal-stamp.
But then I realized that I did not only have to refund the amount of money he paid for the Headphone, but also the shipping fee. Which I think is really unfair since I already paid the shipping fee. The money is used.
Which is why I send him a message saying: Tl,dr : my bad sorry, you`ll get a postal stamp to send it back, and a refund. But I cant pay you back the shipping fee because I have already used it to ship the product to you.
He then said:
It is simple, you have to pay me back (shortened version, he elaborated on that)
all the money I payed, since it was your fault I bid on the wrong product.
Otherwise ill contact the Ebay team to resolve this conflict.
I really dont know if what im doing is right.
Should I give him a refund ?
What should I do ?
BTW, I live in Germany
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
60XRZxscdH1uNI1CERFP6vCW0M0PKQ2O
|
aj9682
|
{
"description": "skipping workout because of cramps",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for skipping workout because of cramps?
|
I got my IUD replaced in December. Before having an IUD I had an incredibly irregular period but I was incredibly lucky with symptoms - little to no cramping or other inconvenience.
I do not have any memory of the adjustment period when I first got an IUD 5 years ago - all I know is I deemed it well worth the inconvenience to have 5 ensuing years of safety.
So renewal time comes up. I'm now with a different partner than last time. I go in for the appt. During replacement, I endure some serious pain despite being pre-medicated by prescribed preventative meds, but still consider it worth the pain.
A week later, we leave for vacation. And throughout the vacation I'm plagued with intermittent cramps. Not just normal day-to-day cramps. Cramps so painful I cant think, and so painful in my abdomen that the pain actually radiates down my legs and causes involuntary leg spasms.
Yeah, having a uterus is fun, guys!
Of course this is very hit-and-miss. Some days I only experience minimal pain. Some days I cant sleep at night because 4 ibuprofen aren't even touching the pain.
We get back from vacation so it's time for me to re-commence my workout routine: 4 crossfit classes per week.
First day back. It hurts like hell. I make a decision that seems obvious: I cant function or perform, so I will skip my workout that day.
Commence lecture about how willpower overrides discomfort, shame about how I wouldn't be able to make up for it later that week due to schedule complications, how "that shit didnt stop you from an adventure attempt on vacation"
(Referring to when we went on a 2 day hiking/kayaking adventure during vacation, during which I didnt have any pain during day 1 and on day 2, on our way out, I had such severe cramps that I could barely stand, but toughed it out while carrying my 50lb pack)
So, OBVIOUSLY this is a one-sided story, and I dont like that. But that's why I'm posting here: I'm having trouble separating myself from my viewpoint and I want to know if I'm really being a mamby pamby pansy, or if it's a real thing that menstrual cramps can cause pain to a level that exercise is temporarily not a realistic undergoing.
P.s. I have googled cramps in relation to exercise and all I can get the internet to say is "oh yes exercising helps cramps feel better!!!" Which is why I am (a)looking for firsthand opinions and (b) having second thoughts on my instincts.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zLNwuRra4IdWMHu5Lf4Fpqq8pDGjzeJu
|
ba4av3
|
{
"description": "telling my in-laws not to move to the same city as us",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA If I told my in-laws not to move to the same city as us?
|
My husband and I are originally from the same area and for the past ten years have lived about twenty hours away from our family.
We love our jobs and our friends, but as we think about the long term have always wanted to return to the general region where we grew up as it’s cheaper to buy a home, would love to be able to see people for holidays, and as we are having a baby this year, just want our family to experience the same sort of childhood we had.
After years of talking about it, my husband finally got a transfer for work and we are making it a reality. It’s been very exciting and despite the hardships of leaving, we’ll be about an hour from my siblings and parents who are a huge part of our lives. We are pretty private people, and the distance is exactly what we hoped for — close enough to see regularly and support our family more often, but not feel so pressured every day.
My in-laws also moved away several years ago and currently live four hours from us. We don’t see them often as they are pretty toxic people. My husband was very open and conscious about his relationship with them in the time we’ve been together, and while we communicate and visit them a couple times a year, we don’t involve them greatly in our lives. They are very narrow minded, weirdly obsessed with online shopping, offensively racist, and don’t listen. They have incredibly poor health and do little besides watch tv. When we went for a walk to see the flowers in bloom in their neighborhood, we had to stop every five minutes so they could sit. They aren’t that old but do not take care of themselves.
When we went to visit them last weekend as we are gearing up to move and probably won’t see them again for awhile, they shared that they too applied for jobs in the same town and are going to move back. My heart stopped.
We chose the city we did as it gives us the space we want with the closeness so we can be there more often for our family. I know we don’t own the city, but the thought of them also living there makes me so angry.
I don’t want them there. I know we will end up having to care for them and support them and frankly that has never been our long term plan. We don’t want them so involved in our child’s life which I know sounds awful, but I am nervous about their negative impact.
I have been excited about this move and having a baby and starting a new life for ages, and now I’m riddled with anxiety knowing his parents are going to be there, too. Can I tell them not to come? Do I have a right?
TL;DR My in-laws are the worst and want to move to the same town as us. WIBTA if we told them no?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
JjUGgGCrY0iiqn1boX7EQAqmUGagL67k
|
b25ag5
|
{
"description": "trying to convince my mother to stop spoiling my younger brother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to convince my mother to stop spoiling my younger brother?
|
My brother(10yo) has 0 responsibilities. He can't make himself a sandwich or cereal. He doesn't do anything. He is really talented(I think much more than me) but his grades are worse than mine were, because he play video games all day. I played for hours too but my parents would kill me for any bad grades. I had my first 3(grade on the end of the year for a subject) in 8th class and my parents didn't talk to me for 2 days. They did nothing when he had his first one in 4th grade. They don't require him to do anything tbh. He is overweight because he doesn't do any sports. He has asthma and our family doctor told them he has to but my mom doesnt want to stress him out. AITA for trying to convince them to start giving him some responsibilities? They always tell me I am a huge ass hole since they raised me and I should shut up even though I have been raised 180° different.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ERNZT01ivpkc11RjbsWKIn5WMSVvADwX
|
a49k0v
|
{
"description": "selling something my friend made",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For selling something my friend made
|
So I have this friend which spends a significant amount of time in my place, meaning I end up paying for his food or making him food every time he comes by (he stays for 10-12 hours at a time).
Few weeks ago he had to take his car to the auto shop. He later called me to ask me to give him a ride from his place to the shop about 10 miles away in order to pick up his car. Even though it was inconvenient for me and I told him that I ended up taking him there. It turned out that he just didn't have their number and thought they would be done, so I drove us to a mall nearby to spend the next hour. About 3 weeks ago he asked me for money to get a monitor so we can play games together. I lent him some money and he promised to pay me back within 2 weeks. To this day I still haven't gotten a single dollat back.
What really made me do what I did is what happened today. I had to take my car to the shop( mine is a different one, almost 1 mile away from his place) so I asked him to pick me up from the shop and get food or go to best buy (around 1 mile away from my shop) so I didn't have to wait. He said no and asked me to pay him $20 for gas and his time. I was dumbfounded that he said that after all the favors I gave him.
It was then that I remembered that he had forgotten something he made at my place, now this item is worth about 2 times what he owns me for the monitor ( less than $100) so considering all I've done for him and in a moment of anger I decided to sell it.
Am I the asshole for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
7VP9jCDfCaiMYymdYqGCF8O4EglmZP6V
|
aeutg6
|
{
"description": "not going about my day in a cheerfull manner while I'm pregnant, miserable and tired",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going about my day in a cheerfull manner while I'm pregnant, miserable and tired... ?
|
I'm currently 7 months pregnant with our second child, and I feel tired and miserable. This pregnancy is doing all sorts of patently unsexy things to my body I also have diagnosed anxiety with is currently unmedicated because of potential risk to the baby. It's triggered in particular by anything money related. What I would like to do right now, is lie on the sofa binge-watching the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe in time for End Game.
However, I don't have time for that. Instead, I do about 60% of all household chores, take care of our son (though he's in preschool and my husband certainly helps), and work full-time for the company we run together.
I'm wondering if IATA for doing all that in a less than enthusiastic way.
As for our company, my husband's job is to take care of our "cash cow", which is rather pleasant work. Clients/money come in about twice a week almost automatically, more if you actually put some effort in. On it's own, the company can survive off this alone, though it wouldn't be sustainable in the long run. I take care of virtually everything else: the overhead, the website design and maintenance, administration (including making the invoices for "cash cow", since he hasn't bothered to learn our billing software – which I've also created entirely from scratch myself), and developing our "rising star" service.
The latter is rather frustrating work, it consumes a lot of time & effort but will (hopefully) bring in a larger profit in the future. Right now though, it's just a lot of work without any direct reward in sight. Last year, we succeeded in concluding one big project, but that alone accounted for 30% of our yearly revenue. Still, it's only one "win" per year, compared to his “cash cow” successes twice a week. For every signed contract, there's 10 that slip us through the fingers, often for reasons beyond our control. It takes time to build a name in this industry and develop this service, I know that, but right now, it isn't very validating work.
My husband however seems to have taken to this narrative of me not pulling my weight in our business/marriage. I get it, his contribution is directly measurable in the money flow from “cash cow”, while my work is largely invisible (except from the growing babybump...), and is actually “costing us money”. For instance, I'm the one paying our companies' bills, taxes etc. Not that we have any choice is the matter, but my work makes the bank account go down, while his makes it go up.
He keeps telling me stuff like:
“Why don't you bring in a large “rising star” project already, we'll need it if we want to make this business profitable. I don't know how we're going to pay the bills otherwise.” (We've managed for 10 years already, so I guess we'll manage this year. Also, thanks for adding this to the already growing pile of anxiety I deal with.)
“What are you doing? Don't we pay our accountant for that?” (No, we pay our accountant for a lot of things, still, I need to actually provide her with the right info before she can do anything with it).
“What you're doing is a waste of time, why don't you help me with \[cash cow related project\] instead?” (Because I believe it's an irrelevant prestige project that will be more trouble than it's worth and you have no idea how much work what you're asking me to do actually is. Also, the “waste of time” is a legal obligation we must comply with, even though it is admittedly inane.)
The latest was “Well, are you sure you even sent it out?” (This was after we got a letter back from a government agency, since they apparently lost the very detailed paperwork I included in the letter. As if I'd spend half a work day compiling and filling in 10 pages of official documents, only to then toss them in the trash and just mail out the cover letter instead.)
I could make a similar list when it comes to home life and shores, but I guess you get the gist of it.
Yes, I've been doing everything with less enthusiasm than I should, but it's like if I don't work with a big smile, the work isn't done in his eyes. I know I'm miserable right now, and not the loving, sexy partner he married, but I'm still trying my best, while growing a tiny human. So is it so much to ask that he actually give me that massage he offered 3 days ago, and that he stops complaining about how hard it is living with a pregnant wife?
Am I really the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Kc0h4QB219tV7VFweOusG7Jy5wKnCfnS
|
avdyiu
|
{
"description": "not wanting to babysit my nephew",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to babysit my nephew?
|
I've always tried to be there for my sister, she was a single mum and I know that's really difficult. She had her first child when I was 15, she was 22 and I did dedicate a lot of time to helping with her first child. I gave up my bedroom for her, woke up extra early, didn't go out with friends and put off doing important school work to help her out. But now I'm 25, getting married and pregnant with my own first child. My sister has had a second child and is no longer a single mum, but her partner works a lot (they're saving to buy a home while living with my mum), so I still feel bad. I'm lucky enough not to have to work as my partner earns enough for both of us, but I'm having a really difficult pregnancy. I have had joint issues for a long time and this has just gotten worse with pregnancy, plus my nephew is in nursery and always sick! I feel like I've helped my sister enough, I did sacrifice a lot and she hasn't always treated me well or been grateful. But my parents keep telling me how much she's struggling and how I need to feel more sympathy for her and help her more. I don't want to get sick and use up all my limited energy on helping my sister right now. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
5LduKCIHclwrVTo3Wf4mM69FpY4I6V08
|
b98f5m
|
{
"description": "not telling my wife I was laid off work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 114
}
|
AITA for not telling my wife I was laid off work?
|
Not using a throwaway here so I will try to keep things brief. My company, well my former company, recently went through a round of layoffs and presented multiple departments with a voluntary severance package. Given my role/years with the Company, i was offered 6 months salary to essentially quit. I am not sure what got into me that day, but upon seeing the offer, I jumped right on it.
​
I know that being in a marriage is to be part of a team, and that important life decisions like this deserve to be communicated with each other. Like i said, not sure what got into me, but being offered \~$60k to quit was quite the rush.
​
So this was about a month ago. Money isn't tight given I received this upfront. Problem is, I never told my wife and have been "going to work" each morning business as usual. I plan to get back into the workforce and have been applying to jobs, fully expecting to have an offer within a few months. I leave for "work" each morning as I typically had, but now usually spend my day at the local indian casino, gym in another city, or sometimes just go for hikes.
​
TLDR: AITA for not discussing a quitting my job?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
WRONG
|
Kz5t7atRgio2v1MEMk65EmoF2k6C2qxT
|
ao8nhb
|
{
"description": "telling my wife I'll get sex somewhere else if she wont put out",
"pronormative_score": 107,
"contranormative_score": 145
}
|
AITA For telling my wife i'll get sex somewhere else if she wont put out?
|
Been married 8 years. 31 years old. No kids
Wife and I both have great jobs. No plans for kids.
I need to know what people think of this scenario.
Let me first say I literally worship the ground my wife walks on. I'm obsessed with her and she knows it. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. I'm always trying to show affection in any way I can to let her know how much I care about her. I'm constantly making her dinner (almost daily even though I work), taking her on SURPRISE vacations to tropical places (her fav type), and just always trying to make sure she has anything she could ever want or need.
Wife will not put out. At all. I'm talking once a month IF IM LUCKY. And I have to beg for it. I've tried asking her why and she just says she doesn't want to or doesn't care.
I've asked her to visit relationship coaches/therapists with me that could maybe help us with this issue, maybe talk through why she doesn't have any sex drive. She will not do it. Whenever I bring it up she just gets mad and says I need to just deal with it.
I don't feel desired or attracted to at all. It never used to be this way. She jokes that "Well i'm not trying to impress you anymore, we are already married" but I don't find it funny.
As a male I have needs. I've told her if she doesn't put out I will just go get it somewhere else. I can't help but feel like an asshole for that, but I don't want to be in a sexless relationship.
And for those who think Im the asshole...please help! I genuinely mean that. I Need advice!!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 68,
"OTHER": 91,
"EVERYBODY": 77,
"NOBODY": 16,
"INFO": 11
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 107,
"WRONG": 145
}
|
WRONG
|
ZKMe9oPqNeykQyiEVRPOJABztuq9DnUJ
|
9u01dt
|
{
"description": "not helping an injured person",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping an injured person?
|
Today I was at the store shopping with my dad for some supplies and out of nowhere we heard this big crash. We turned around and an old man had fallen down. I think he hit his elbow on the floor because he was clutching it and calling for help, and we were not too far away.
Obviously since we were close I dropped my stuff and went to go help him, but my dad yelled at me to stop, and went and got an employee to come help. Another shopper ran over to help him up but the employee wasn't doing much so I decided to try again, and my dad got angry and told me to not put my hands on him and told me to just help him finish up the shopping since an employee was there to help. When we were away from that ail he then explained to me that if I tried to help him and something happened or he got injured further I could be held liable so it wasn't smart to do.
I told him that I couldn't understand why he would think an old man would want to do such a thing, and that if it happened to him he would want help from other people, but he just gave me the whole "I'm older than you and know how this world works, just listen". After this we got into an argument and I called him heartless and selfish.
Am I the asshole here? Maybe I shouldn't have called him that but it's pretty shitty in my opinion not to help an injured person.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
cKGGoFL9pEs6rkCG4Y8ciaBIubEo8Dt0
|
9y2xl7
|
{
"description": "calling people out for using the word retarded",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling people out for using the word retarded?
|
There has been a push for a while to end the use of the word retard or retarded to describe what they considered dumb. Those people claim that by using it makes it less insensitive over time.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
br9iPc1VYxxmaBwfIHCgMb9k1JI7Yt5v
|
ac9uz4
|
{
"description": "hating my fat slob of a dad",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for hating my fat slob of a dad?
|
Throwaway account.
I'm a daughter to a slob of a man.
He never wants to clean, he just sits on his ass all day watching TV, getting fatter by the second. My mom is fed up with him lately for not doing his part in the house and so am I.
My dad is unemployed right now because he is now an elder. He also has a heart problem due to years of unhealthy eating. My mom still works to support us and asks me and him to take care of the house, simple things like vacuuming, remove hair from the sofa, dust and wipe objects, etc. My dad never does anything. I see him just sitting on the sofa all day, not moving, falling asleep with dribbles of old sauce on his shirt. It's fucked up of me to say it but it's disgusting.
I'm sick of his behavior. He constantly asks me for food whenever I'm cooking lunch and dinner. I don't mind feeding him, but he will demand it sometimes so I refuse. Like earlier today, I was cooking lunch and he asked me for a dish. He ate earlier so I refused to give him a dish until later. He grew angry and told me I was being disrespectful and rude. He proclaimed that I was starving him to death and that I was supposed to a pride and joy that he can be proud of. I admit that I yelled at him to shut up and that I refused to make him food. He called me an ungrateful child and said while he worked, he would slave all day in the office, getting shit on and that he paid everything for me and that I never appreciate the way he handled stress everyday.
He said "you don't see what I do for you each day and how unfair it is to add more things to deal with in my life. But it's not your fault. It's my own fault that I chose to have you." Then he went back to watching his shows and told me to stay quiet.
I admit, I do feel guilty about what happened and I was wrong for lashing out. I just fucking hate how he never does what he's told. He just watches TV and asks me to turn on a show for him, fix the remote, then he just sits on the sofa, eyes glazed over. I'm mad cause he never listens to anyone.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MO2aZxRWfCc2ZGel9OISqKZ0LBNEfMc2
|
b2xmyy
|
{
"description": "breaking up with him because of his job",
"pronormative_score": 122,
"contranormative_score": 256
}
|
AITA for breaking up with him because of his job?
|
My ex was everything I wanted in a partner except for ambitious. That’s what proved to be our downfall. He was a “kitchen assistant” at his uncle’s restaurant. Basically washing dishes, bussing tables, and general cleaning. I tried talking to him about looking for other work, something he could make a future in, but he was happy there.
So I broke things off. I thought it best to be straight forward with him about it. He didn’t yell or cry or anything really until I had finished. Then he coldly told me that he would eventually take over for his uncle when he retires and had been being trained on how to run the business for years, was that ambitious enough for me?
I tried to say yes! It was literally all I wanted was to know that he had his sights set higher than washing dishes for the rest of his life, but my ex kicked me out of his apt and wouldn’t have anything to do with me afterwards.
The way it all played out has always bothered me. He treated me like I was an “asshole” just because I wanted to know he had bigger plans for himself and us in the future.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 243,
"OTHER": 102,
"EVERYBODY": 13,
"NOBODY": 20,
"INFO": 16
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 122,
"WRONG": 256
}
|
WRONG
|
CdC2nLCC93k6beux3dl01r4aXKZV3FwX
|
a25i33
|
{
"description": "hiding my dishes from my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA - for hiding my dishes from my girlfriend.
|
She moved in about two months ago and will seriously fill up a sink of dishes a day. She never washed them and we have no dishwasher. I told her I was going to throw them away if she didn’t clean them. Well while she was sleeping I washed all of them and took everything out to my storage unit but two cups, two mugs, two plates, two bowls, a mixing bowl, and a big past pan and a big skillet. Then I put them in storage and told her I threw them all away.
She seriously cooks like 4-5 times a day and makes a lot of messes. She is super pissed off right now but two weeks ago we got bugs waiting for her to clean them. When I complained she said “people get bugs” so since then I have been reluctantly cleaning all her dishes each night.
Btw all the dishes I bought before she moved in so they are mine.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 35,
"EVERYBODY": 18,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 20
}
|
RIGHT
|
qFsyjXq5aEqq3RKxhFMiJsME3v2GDanO
|
akq0rx
|
{
"description": "insisting that I pay for dates even though my boyfriend never wants me to",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for insisting that I pay for dates even though my boyfriend never wants me to?
|
I’ve (20F) been with my boyfriend (20M) for about 3 months now and he’s so amazing! I’ve been on cloud nine ever since we started dating. The only source of conflict so far is that he refuses to let me pay for dinner when we go out, every single time.
The thing is, I come from a wealthy family and am extremely fortunate to have my parents pay for tuition, groceries, et cetera, and he is aware of this. My parents do not mind the idea of me treating him to dinner regularly at all. Comparatively, he doesn’t have as much and works very hard for what he does have. I want him to save his money towards more important things rather than spend it on me.
However, we’ve discussed it several times and he flat-out refuses to let me pay, and is unwilling to compromise on the issue. He doesn’t even want us to take turns. AITA for insisting on paying and hurting his pride (?) when he’s made it clear he doesn’t want me to? Also, AITA for wanting to spend my parent’s money instead of him spending his hard earned cash? I sort of feel like an asshole since I am insisting that I spend someone else’s money.
Tl;dr I want to pay for dates with my boyfriend using my parents’ money because we’re very well off financially, but my boyfriend refuses every single time.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Fd6bSr3A6U9fYrMNmx3FbehjXfJZp3OO
|
b6fjw3
|
{
"description": "going over my ex's head to his mom when he banned me from his property",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for going over my ex’s head to his mom when he banned me from his property?
|
Okay I know I already sound like an asshole but I promise I didn’t want it to end this way.
Okay so my ex broke up with me this past weekend. It was out of the blue, completely unexpected, we haven’t argued in months and he just wanted to end it. We were dating for almost two years. I lived with him and his family at their house, his mother, sister, his sisters fiancé and then him and I lived there.
This past Monday an old friend of mine contacted me saying she saw him on tinder. I was really taken aback because his main reason for breaking up with me was that he needed to be alone and single to “grow”and that he couldn’t grow with anyone else in his life. I was also very angry because he used pictures of him and my dog as bait “I love dogs, look how cute mine is” pictures on his profile (she was our dog but he said he didn’t want her so I took her with me.) I sent him the screenshots my friend had taken and asked why he had an account if he wanted to be alone. He grew very defensive saying that he had every right, which I agree with, but it doesn’t make sense with his reasoning for breaking up with me. He avoided all my questions about if he cheated on me or not and asking him to take the pictures of my dog off his profile. I was going to his house to pack my things this same day... After the tinder conversation, my ex randomly asked if I was bringing any of my family to help me pack my things later that day, and I replied I was because I had some heavy furniture I couldn’t carry myself. After hearing this he began sending me all sorts of “If you (my name) step foot on my property or if any of your family does, it will be considered trespassing and I won’t hesitate to call the cops.”. After he sent about 6 more texts asking if I understood that I wasn’t allowed on his property and that he would leave my things outside by the door ( it was raining that day too) I stopped replying. I instead contacted his mother, who owns the house, and after telling her about our breakup (he hadn’t told her yet apparently) and how her son was acting, she welcomed me and my family into the house to pack my things. While I was in the house, his mother was receiving constant calls from my ex saying to throw us out and that we weren’t allowed there to which she replied it was her house and her decision. He said I was being volatile and unnecessarily hostile toward him, was therefore a threat and that I was being an asshole for not just coming by myself to get my things. AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 34,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 35,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
Gkqlp7VUOiCSWqfdTWaElU9K4KshZg8D
|
9yss1q
|
{
"description": "thinking that someone in my friend group is annoying because they are constantly self deprecating and edgy",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA - for thinking that someone in my friend group is annoying because they are constantly self deprecating and edgy?
|
Everything is basically in the title. There's this girl in my friend group who's every other sentence is something edgy or self deprecating like 'I'm so dumb' or 'I'm a bitch' or 'Please kill me'. I find it so annoying and unnecessary, I know this girl has mental health issues but I still think the things she says are just get trying to gain sympathy or attention. AITA for feeling this way? Should I be more understanding?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nHRDZW4glkcxeXrGKGMNk3DPX5O0cOYn
|
a76avu
|
{
"description": "having desires to experiment with other men",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for having desires to experiment with other men?
|
Context: I [M] am in a long term relationship with my amazing girlfriend. We have been together for several years and she is fully aware of all of my "kinks". For a long time, I have been interested in both sexes. She knows this. And in the several years we have been together, I have never once been unfaithful, nor do I ever have the desire to be. I have a visceral hatred for cheaters. So I guess my question for you all is, am I an asshole for having desires to explore with men, even though I will never pursue them as long as we are together?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
H0o0lt5a1pmIzq3AWbEoxGeCxZ4M7j2Q
|
b70hn5
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship over a wedding",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ending a friendship over a wedding?
|
My best man dropped out of my wedding a month ago. I haven't spoked to him since. Am I being an asshole or am I justified?
Background: I've always been closer to my friends than my family. My brother died young, and that tragedy really split up my family. Only living family I have (my mom) is basically estranged from me. My friends are my family and I'm okay with that. Maybe that's why this bothers me so much.
Friend (32m) and I grew up together. We met in elementary school, became best friends and have stayed in touch ever since. I was in his wedding two years ago. That wedding was in Australia and it was a pretty big commitment to go. I took a week off of work, blew a ton of money on flights and then spent 40 miserable hours on an economy flight to the other side of the damn planet. But I didn't complain because like I said, friends are my family.
Friend isn't coming to my wedding in six months. His reason? He doesn't want to upset his boss. Friend would be missing either a Friday or a Monday to attend my wedding because he lives in another state. Friend's boss says it's a really busy time for the business. Friend didn't ask twice. Friend didn't try to arrange coverage or hand off work to someone else. Friend did not try to book a red eye flight or arrange different travel plans. Friend just texted me to say he can't make it.
My soon-to-be wife says I'm not being an asshole because this is one of the biggest days of our lives. A different friend says I'm being dramatic because "it's just a big expensive party." I feel betrayed and sick to my stomach about the whole thing. To me, this is incredibly important. If Friend can't be bothered to make it out on one of the most important days for me then he's not my friend anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
Gy79ztrZZWT6SqQqMKZ9cc9IPmV4bsia
|
aoviyk
| null |
AITA friend wants me to pay for the next movie even though I payed for the current one
|
AITA
So this happened in 2018 and one day my friend invited me to the new movie, i forget what it was, and i told him honestly that I am in college and have blown my money on supplies and won't be able to see it, then he said that he will pay for the ticket, i refused at first, but eventually I agreed, worst decision of my life.
Skip to a few months i had extra money on me and i invited him to a new movie that came out, i payed for the tickets drinks snaks, the whole thing, after the movie we went to the local community walking path and saw one of our friends with a girl trying his thing, at first glance i didn't recognize him and my friend keeps claiming that it's him, i said in a joking way I'll bet you a dollar it's not him, we came closer and it was him, i said fine you win, i put my hand in my pocket and i didn't have anything on me, because i didn't realize that i spent all the money on the previous event, i told him that I'll give him the dollar the next time we meet, and i expected him to get the joke, he had the audacity to say
'' forget about the dollar you will treat me to the new movie that's come out,,
Im like, im sorry what?
He repeated again.
Forget about the dollar just treat me to the new movie tomorrow like tonight,
Are you being serious right now
''Yeah dude what's the problem,,
The problem is that you know that im starting collage and that i need to pay for the books and materials so that i can actually do the finals, did you forget that i only eat instant noodles, and instead of pay for everything tonight i could have gotten a meal that didn't consist of water and noodles.
''dude i can't believe that you are so selfish how many times have I bought you a coff-
Okey then let me tell you how much I have spent in the this friendship, and you purposely forget your money so that i can pay for your shit, you know what im done with this.
I turned around i was so pissed off, that I just walked off, am i the asshole for not playing everything for him
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
0boYGGUtD4Ya2eNmbq1T8KWk6xKlEXJZ
|
a3y9go
|
{
"description": "spilling water on my friend's MacBook",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for spilling water on my friend’s MacBook?
|
So basically this just happened a couple minutes ago. It’s finals season in college and I was studying with my friend across the table. He just so happened to have an open cup across the table filled with water. So essentially, I was studying when he threw his mousepad at me. In retaliation, I threw it back and it knocked over his plastic cup and water got everywhere in his MacBook. We cleaned it but he is super paranoid that it will mess up his macbook. He says he planned on using it for 6 years and if it only lasts 5 I will have to pay however much that year costs in relation to the overall price (2.5k overall) 1 year would be at least 400 bucks. He claims no fault to this saying if there’s anything wrong with it in the future I’ll have to pay for the damages 100%.
AITA for thinking this was at least 50-50 fault wise?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
aUPJayYgQlQyDEyHZXTOGk2S2Q2zRb2L
|
awqpt6
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go outside with my so when they smoke",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go outside with my SO when they smoke?
|
My SO doesn't smoke inside because I don't like it. But I also don't like to go outside with them. My SO gets upset with me for not going outside with them. SO AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KzmK6yQseOypU9fq12TdnevuKamur1jI
|
b7wfmv
|
{
"description": "using my twin sister's pic on Tinder",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
WIBTA for using my twin sister's pic on Tinder?
|
My sister and I are identical twins. We've recently been recommended to use Tinder by a friend and we're talking about setting up our profiles.
I thought of something that to me sounded like it would be funny: We can use each other's pictures for our profiles. Since we're identical, same physical shape included (she has slightly shorter hair and some tattoos, but the tattoos aren't visible), I thought it would be harmless. If someone messaged us seriously, we'd send them our own pictures and be able to let them in on the joke. I also thought it would be a good way to see who enjoys it and has the same sense of humor as us, too.
Another friend didn't think it was that funny, though. He says it's catfishing and we shouldn't be doing that kind of stuff, because even if we're identical twins, we aren't the same person. He says we'll still be lying to people. Any amount of pretending to be someone else is wrong, no matter how 'harmless' we might think it is.
I'll admit, we brushed him off at first, but I've been sitting here thinking about it now for a little and I see his point. I've seen all the stuff about catfishing going around and guys get stung by it a lot.
I don't want to be that kind of person...but I also don't think this will make me that kind of person. Obviously if conversations go beyond bland hookup requests, we'll come clean.
WIBTA for going through with it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
xqDeSE0TuAJB2n8qWXqOsIqxWHkutIei
|
armq1p
|
{
"description": "pursuing my ex's longtime friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for pursuing my ex’s longtime friend?
|
Hey Reddit,
So I (19F) meet this guy (21M) in the fall of 2018 through a mutual friend. Things are a bit rocky at first, but eventually, we both develop some sort of feelings for each other.
In January, we have a blissful month of the honeymoon stage then instantly I realize we are not compatible at all. We jumped into a relationship without knowing each other and as I got to know him, he was not the person I wanted. (Nothing wrong with him, just not for me.)
In mid January, when I was planning to end things, I had met his longtime friend we will call Chad (24M). Chad and I developed a friendship to where we instantly had a connection. Conversations for hours, no awkward tension that I’ve had in any other relationship, it was just perfect. Not some kind of honeymoon phase but a real compatibility between two people. Chad and I messaged every day for hours (nothing romantic) and I grew to have deep feelings for Chad.
I go to break up with the initial guy but it doesn’t go very well. I explain to him that I don’t think we are compatible (plus, he told me he loved me after one month and he barely even knows me). He is ignoring me now.
Chad admits he really likes me and that I’m serious relationship potential but the rest of their friend group is discouraging against it, plus ex-boyfriend is being passive aggressive to Chad.
I’m sad I found someone I really like with compatibility I’ve never had before but in the wrong circumstances.
AITA to pursue this anyway?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Z45KWDGa24VyhLnhg2kogWHnRqKgp43B
|
9w6n9k
|
{
"description": "wanting to spend a holiday with my significant other that isn't with the in laws",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to spend a holiday with my significant other that isn't with the in laws
|
So I'm from England and my partner is from Portugal. I want us to go to Venice for a week but the in laws insist that every time we take a week off together we have to visit them. Am I the asshole for insisting we have our own time and make our own memories? I love her family but they treat my partner like a child still.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
m0bBb1sc6TrqOyfzZxeMxDeTz41P5FSE
|
ay7zrx
| null |
AITA Asked my best friends girlfriend for sex
|
When me and my best friend have a girlfriend, after about 3-4 weeks we usually ask each others girlfriend for sex, we dont flirt or how should I say it? Really try it, we just send text or ask once if she wants to have sex. When they accept we usually tell each other and that lets us know that we should not have a serious relationship with our girlfriend.
Are me and my best friend assholes for doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
ARCRWdTgbq6Lkc1HbjMY0UE3N3aSI09T
|
b1l7j3
|
{
"description": "not going to my mom's best friend birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going to my mom's best friend Birthday party?
|
*I'm sorry if there are any mistakes english is not my first language.
I always had a lot of self-esteem issues, so about two months ago I started dieting. Unfortunately the diet ended up bringing back an eating disorder I had a long time ago and I had to stop for the sake of my own health.
My mom was not very happy with this, and kept insisting that I should keep doing it, I kept telling her that I was uncomfortable with all the nagging so she gave up trying to convince me after some time. This was until a week before her best friend birthday party, she was invited about a week beforehand and asked me if I wanted to go with her. I'm not a big fan of socializing but I decided to go with her to the party because she told me she would be happy if I tagged. Everything started after I agreed to attend the party. She asked me if I could start the diet again, just so I would look pretty in a dress. I told her that I'd rather not and explained that it made me really uncomfortable and that if I ended up not losing any weight, it would be very bad for my self-esteem. She told me it was ok and that she understood that I didn't want to do it.
About 3 days before the birthday party, my mom arrived home with a bag full of dresses for me to try on. When I opened the bag I noticed that almost all the dresses were about 3 sizes smaller than mine and told her that she must've gotten them wrong. She then, proceeded to tell me that I shouldn't worry about that and that If anything didn't fit I'd still have time to get thinner. I told her that I had already decided what I wanted to wear to the party and that she didn't need to buy anything new.
She became very angry and told me that she didn't wanted her daughter to go around looking like a hobo (the dress that I chose was almost new, and also one of my favourites). I decided to try the dresses on just to make her happy, it couldn't be that bad right? Wrong. I was forced to try on every single dress in the bag, and had to stand in front of a huge mirror staring at myself while I heard my mom making comments about my weight. Things like "You would look so much prettier if you lost weight" and "I don't understand why you have to each like a pig all the time, such a pretty girl". She went on about it for some time but I ended up exploding. It is a very sensitive topic for me and I had asked her to stop a lot of times. When I wasn't able to take it and told her that I wasn't feeling so good about the party and didn't want to go anymore, she started to freak out. She told me that I was ruining her weekend and that I should be ashamed of myself for not taking her feelings in consideration. She also said that all she wanted was a pretty daughter and that I was ruining everything for her. I ended up deciding to not go to the party after that, but I still fell bad for ruining it for my mom.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
4kRwnp2W90H0aaAFavihn7YosxPQZGNa
|
a31olr
|
{
"description": "going through friends stuff even though I found my stolen belongings",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For going through friends stuff even though i found my stolen belongings?
|
I let this guy live with me free and he took my car without asking and I found him took it back. He left his bags inside and when I got back I decided to look through it because after taking my car why would they be steal too. Sure enough I found my snap on tools inside.
He has more bags at my house and I couldn't help it I went through another one and again more of my tools. So now I'm wanting to literally go through all of his bags but morally should I tell him an then do it or do it then tell him? I know what the laws are but just from a moral perspective
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
GZ6s7ZU4FpP6NXP0ZUc9UKas5Sbg5RTy
|
b34xzs
|
{
"description": "not warning my roommates my family was coming over",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for not warning my roommates my family was coming over
|
Okay so this happened a few months back but I have been wondering about it a lot recently.
I was living with two other girls when I had an unexpected job offer I couldn't refuse in another state, requiring me to move even though I still had a good two months on my current lease. My relocation money covered the remaining rent amounts which I paid on time every month. I for all other intents and purposes had moved out though. I gave my keys to my family because they offered to make sure my room and the apartment in general were not trashed and then return the keys once the lease was up.
Fast forward to the end of the lease and I asked my family if they had returned the keys yet. They said no because they were still planning on stopping by to check on the place. Cool. I thanked them for being such a big help since I travel a ton for work and wouldn't be able to make it in time.
A few days later I get woken up by a text from my ex roommate chewing me out for not warning them that my family was going to show up. And how they were really frightened by the whole situation. It was 2 people, my brother (who they had met on several occasions) and my grandma. I immediately reached out to my brother to get his side of the situation. He told me that no one was there when they first got there but when someone did show up, he immediately explained why they were there (clean, get pictures in case the apartment complex tried to hold my security deposit, and make sure nothing was left behind). And that they seemed fine.
Some background: both of them frequently had people over without any warning while I was living there. At one point one of the boyfriends was basically living with us. I said nothing at the time.
I can see how a heads up would have been nice but I don't think it was necessary or that I "owed" it to them. I think she was being a little over the top with her message about being terrified someone was in the apartment. It was not at all in a rough neighborhood and it is near impossible to break into that building.
I told her I was sorry she felt that way but that there was nothing I could do to fix it at that point and that it wasn't done with malicious intent. I honestly didn't even think about them until that text, I just wanted to secure my deposit. So AITA for not giving a heads up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
TG5ykZEW7yKTIMZ9fEAQfp9uIpLIr0h8
|
aqclix
|
{
"description": "not wanting to do a traditional wedding to please my religious inlaws",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA FOr not wanting to do a traditional wedding to please my religious inlaws?
|
My Fiance and I are both "closet atheists " meaning we haven't told either of our parents because it's not a huge deal.... until now. We've been together almost 5 years have been living together for 4 and engaged for one. Our wedding is next year. My future husband chose the date(I hate making all the decisions) well he chose Halloween. I loved the idea and immediately began trying to structure some loose ideas around it.
Then my future mother in law is disappointed about the date something about tradition and Halloween being evil. Then she disapproves of cake topper ideas, flower ideas, and that I don't want to do the whole princess for a day/ country theme
Then future sister in law once me to find a dress like hers after seeing pictures of it, I decided I would rather wear a 70 dollar dress that isn't a wedding dress from dress barn or something like that. (Her dress what too shiny making her tan skin look like leather, it was I'll fitted and looked cheap.
Now sister in law has problems with music ideas because "you cant dance to Newtown or funk" " and "well you should play country music" now generally I'm fairly eclectic in my music taste but care almost nothing for country aside from two songs from waaaaay back when.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to change because I will not don a frilly white shiny monstrosity and go full tradition? At this point I'm almost ready to elope or say forget it and continue living as we are now. I love this man. Help!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
t7ErkC1iH8NMUhsXK4KYjpybXS3CQ61b
|
9x6uxy
|
{
"description": "slapping a girl when I warned her twice that if she slapped me I would slap her back",
"pronormative_score": 67,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for slapping a girl when I warned her twice that if she slapped me I would slap her back?
|
My buddy had a little house party, nothing big maybe like 20 people. I mostly knew everybody, but there were some friends of my friends that I didn’t really know. One of these friends of a friend was a girl that was getting pretty hammered and more annoying as she drank.
Well, me and about 5 or 6 of my buddies were on the front porch when she comes outside and just stands in the middle of our little circle saying stupid shit. I start poking fun at her in a sarcastic way hoping she would just get the hint and leave us alone. We go back and forth a few times and she’s drunk so she’s just kinda making a fool out of herself.
When she realizes that we’re all pretty much laughing AT her and not WITH her she gets super pissed and directs her anger towards me, obviously. She starts saying she’s gonna smack me and knock the glasses off my face. At first, I thought she was just talking shit and told her “yeah right, if you smack me I will smack you back just as hard as you hit me”. She stepped up to me and said “you won’t hit a girl”. I realized she was actually serious and looked her dead in the eye and said, “ if you hit me, I will hit you back”. Boom, she smacked the shit out of me and knocked the glasses off my face. So, boom I slapped the shit out of her right back. She started crying and ran in and told her friend and they made it a big deal and yelled at me and left.
I felt really bad. I know I’m stronger and should’ve held back, but she slapped the shit out of me. So I gave it right back to her. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 65,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 67,
"WRONG": 20
}
|
RIGHT
|
pOkpX6m0XM3ZbTEsye4pvgzZPO3KJ5IN
|
a8ivz8
|
{
"description": "calling out a guy who sexually harassed my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out a guy who sexually harassed my friend?
|
So, I was invited to a gathering of about 8 people, and one of the people invited there was a dude called Eugene. This dude was once organising an event with a friend of mine, and during the planning of the event, he made jokes of sexual nature (for example, he texted her: "we should do this in the bedroom. \*ballroom"), among other things. After a string of these remarks, my friend started ignoring him. He then told her that she needed him to organise this event, and that he would cancel this event if she didn't respond. Later, he reached out to my friend, apologised to her, and released a joint statement with her, announcing the cancellation of the event.
When I saw Eugene at the gathering, I refused to shake his hand, and didn't walk to talk to him. He was confused, and repeatedly asked me to tell him why I was being cold and refused to greet him. Initially, I told him I didn't want to get into it, because there were other people at the event and I didn't want to ruin it for them. However, later on, I blurted out "you're disgusting. That shit you pulled with Lily was disgusting, and I hope everyone here agrees with me."
One of my friends (who will remain unnamed) told me that it wasn't any of my business to call Eugene out on on that, because I had nothing to do with the incident, the issue was already resolved between Eugene and Lily, Eugene already apologised, and it wasn't "fair" for me to call out Eugene in front of everyone, especially after he already "showed remorse" and "owned up to what he did."
Was I being the asshole? Did I do wrong by Eugene?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Zn7eib2qjRr0n7NvMv0TZ8iJ2DBsMyTB
|
a48no4
|
{
"description": "wanting my roommate to drink with me more",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my roommate to drink with me more?
|
My roommate and I have been living together for a couple months and has never wanted to get drunk with me or anyone for that matter. Last year when we were not living together he would always have me over for football and beers. Last year he was always down to get drunk and go to a party or the bar. This year it seems as though he never wants to. Whenever I ask him he always says he’s too tired or doesn’t feel like it. If I ask him days prior he says he is down but always back out when the day comes. I’ve tried asking if something has changed or if he is okay but he convinces me he is fine. All he seems to do is sit around and watch Netflix so I feel bad for him and want him to meet people. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
dT2TsW0ZhchmjLckrrv0CJh4KlmYzUhb
|
b2mko9
|
{
"description": "disagreeing with a Facebook post",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for disagreeing with a Facebook post?
|
Theres a Facebook group for the city I live in, just for events going around, job offers, etc...
after the recent shooting in New Zealand, a woman posted in the group if anyone would like to join her and donate some money for flowers to give to local mosques in the city.
I commented that I'd rather have that money given to the food bank or homeless shelter.
Then the next person that replied just insulted me, and wrote "instead you should invest that money in fixing that hair", which I thought was rude. I replied to that comment saying he was being rude and now theres a bunch of comments calling me butthurt, and that I was being an asshole first.
I don't see what I did wrong, if you're going to post on a public forum then I'm allowed to input my views. I didnt attack anyone but I was insulted by others. I recognize not everyone may agree with what I had to say but I dont think I was being an asshole.
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
BfUcyVvmjtNN4EOLNlNYesbgixaTYqcE
|
b84fhw
|
{
"description": "letting go of a friendship over a computer game",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA- Letting go of a friendship over a computer game
|
An ex and I started talking after over seven years.
He asked me to play a game with him, so I bought it. He got a server for us - it’s an open world thing and I offered to split the cost.
It was a lot of fun. I have a ton of stress right now between sick parents and lovely, but needy, little kids. This game and friend were like oxygen. I played mostly when the kids were asleep.
After a few weeks he invited two friends. I was happy and asked if they were okay with me. He doubted that they remembered me. They did.
They wouldn’t play with me. One was his ex and wouldn’t do group calls if I was on. The other would if the other girl wasn’t there.
Turns out I said some mean things to her during the break up. I don’t remember. It was a rough time- I don’t blame her for holding a grudge.
My friend said it wouldn’t help to apologize, everyone has people they won’t forgive, and that it is normal.
I blame my friend for not telling her I was playing before she joined and for not managing the situation when it was clear I was now the odd pariah out in a group of four. (He knew how she felt about me.)
More and more, I’d log on to the three of them playing and couldn’t join. My friend was building stuff in their area. The map wasn’t huge and I felt like I couldn’t go there.
I told him I was done with the game. I felt uncomfortable and unwelcome. I didn’t have enough free time to spend it feeling sad.
He said that there were times when they wanted to play but he was playing with me.
I’m too old for this Springer nonsense.
He said he would let the subscription die out because he’d gotten it to play with me. Then he offered to copy the server so they could exit ours and have their own. I paid half like I’d offered before- I tried to pay all of it.
After working on it, he mistakenly moved my stuff to the new server.
He’s been on the original a fair bit since then.
I putz alone on the new one. I could ask him to play but that’s awkward when he’s already in another server.
I don’t get jealous if he plays other games with other friends.
However, I felt left out, childish, embarrassed, and a bit ashamed that she hates me after so much time has passed.
I hate that he let them join what was such a needed escape for me. They play so many other games. Why did they have to do this one when I already put a ton of hours into it?
Am I the asshole? Overreacting?
He’s a good friend, otherwise. He’s flawed, like I am, but kind. He is interested in my interests and life, and I am his.
We live on other ends of the Earth, so we don’t have much overlapping time to play.
Am I an asshole for letting this friendship go because of a computer game?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Mj24zY08KGjh3mzXfY9SDqSDVADhX3ql
|
asijq8
|
{
"description": "refusing to take my sister to prom",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for refusing to take my sister to prom?
|
Our school has a junior/senior prom. Any junior or senior can go, either with someone else or by themselves. Underclassmen and people from other schools can only go if they are a junior or senior’s “date”.
I am a junior, and my boyfriend is a senior. We’ve been planning on going to prom together. However, my sister keeps asking for me to take her. She’s an underclassman, so she can’t go on her own. She wants to go because “all her friends are going”. I would be allowed to take her, I’d just have to put her name down on the form and buy the ticket along with mine.
The problem is, I don’t want to take her. The tickets and the cost of a dress is already expensive for one person, and our family is pretty tight on money right now. She can go next year or the year after, whereas this is the only year I can go with my boyfriend.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 4
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 32,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
ECIUPtBrpOqWXblG1kCzCw9IY26lo4bB
|
9yuwsj
| null |
AITA - My mother has helped my husband and I financially countless times. I’ve recently got a job that pays $20k a month. She asked me to help her retire. I told her no.
|
My mother was mentally and physically abusive when I was a child. I even called the cops on her when I was 11, but they didn’t do anything despite my bruises. She would pull my hair and drag me by it. She would kick me in the stomach if I didn’t comply. Once she asked me to unlock a door and I dropped the keys whilst trying to hurry up before she got to the door, and she slapped me. Anytime my stepfather said anything it would result in an argument, “how dare you tell me how to raise my child”! I remember we had people over and I talked back to her like any young teenage girl would and she threw water at me in front of everyone. It was embarrassing. She always got me gifts though, like iPhones and expensive stuff. She always let my then highschool boyfriend (now husband) go with us on vacations, and paid for him. She was also really kind some days and really abusive another. I left her at 18.
She was broken after I left. She cried a lot from what I heard from my grandmother. My stepfather got cancer and she needed someone. She was always trying to get in contact with me. I finally gave in after 2 years of ignoring her calls. She seemed to have changed. A very religious mother, was able to accept me as an atheist. She also had a child with my stepfather and I noticed she never hurts him at all (thank goodness). She never spanks him. She let’s him do anything he wants. She’s so lenient that my little brother has become kind of a dick. My point is that she really has changed.
During difficult financial spots last year she’s helped loan thousands of dollars to my husband and I. My husband and I have paid her back everything she’s ever loaned us when we needed help. We also paid for her iphone and her phone bill because she usually takes us out on vacations (Disneyland, Vegas, New York, Texas, I could go on). She likes spending time with family and she makes good money at 90k a year.
I’m 23, and I’ve recently (6 months ago) got a job that’s been paying me about $20k+ a month. I’m very lucky for this job and opportunity. My mother and I have been in a mostly good relationship since we started talking again despite a few quarrels here and there. We fight over things like her being a dick to service people.
Sorry if this is getting long. I figured her story is important. My stepfather died this year to cancer, and she’s now raising my little brother (6 years old) alone. My father also died when I was small, and she had to raise me alone. My mother currently lives in the ghetto with her son. She’s in debt due to all the medical bills from his cancer. She has a home but is renting it to someone and it’s in another state since she’s travel nursing (for a year now). She stopped working for a year to help my stepfather with his cancer. He died shortly after their 10 year anniversary. It was really heartbreaking.
The problem is she saw how much we made and immediately started crying “happy tears” talking about how now she can retire. She’s 45. She saw the money and immediately wanted something for Christmas, I told her yeah we’ll get you something but we can’t buy you diamonds yet (she loves diamonds). She said “yes you can”. She wants to retire in another country (my home country) for $500 a month “or sometimes more” she said winking. She has a paid off condo there so the $500 a month would be for her and my little brother to live off of. I agreed to her terms because she was literally crying happy tears in front of me. I figured it’s not that much money to help someone’s who’s lost her husband to cancer. She’s been through a lot. She was a prostitute in my home country and later married an abusive American man and dealt with it to give me a better life.
But I couldn’t sleep at night, I was thinking why should I help her retire if she abused me mentally and physically as a child? My husband told me, she’s helped us with a lot, but it’s up to you. I called her back two days later after I told her I’d help her retire. I told her I’m not going to help you, I just can’t. I tried to explain why but anytime I talk about anything “bad” that happened between us she gets angry and tells me to stop talking now. (Great for closure on my childhood btw /s) She has anxiety problems. I also told her I’d help her anytime she needed food, or just needed anything. I just couldn’t do the $500 every month. She freaked out and told me to BE QUIET and not to explain myself. She hung up. Now... I feel like a complete asshole. I could definitely afford that. I’m living it up with my husband. I have a great life. I’m able to pay off my medical, student, and credit card debts. She’s struggling with a ton of medical debts. She’s struggled all her life. I could help not only my mother, but also my brother. She wants to homeschool him because he doesn’t want to go to school. She said if I helped her retire she would be able to spend her time teaching him and they could live a nice happy life.
I’d like you to give it to me straight. AITA?
TLDR; I’ve recently started making a lot of money. My mother who was abusive when I was a child has turned her life around. She takes my husband and I on vacations and has loaned us money (which we paid back). She wants to retire in my home country for $500 a month. I told her I would but I called her back two days later saying no. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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ax0kvh
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{
"description": "not wanting to constantly talk about my friend's son",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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|
AITA for not wanting to constantly talk about my friend's son?
|
So, a little background here. I have a friend (it's actually an ex, but that's irrelevant) that's gone through a nasty breakup/divorce recently. I've known her for about 13 years, and over the years we've occasionally fallen out of touch. These days, we talk fairly frequently. About all the issues she's facing now, about just about anything. And here's the problem:
Every single conversation we have seems to turn into her talking about her son. I don't know the kid, I've never met the kid, hell, I'm not 100% sure I've ever seen a picture of him. It sorta came to a head today. She was talking to me about how expensive her new apartment is, and I suggested she take on someone to share expenses. She says she doesn't want a stranger around her son (she doesn't have many, if any, other friends). Ugh. So I drop that and ask her about her progress on a TV show we both watch. She says she canceled Netflix because she had to cut her expenses, to save for a bigger place... you guessed it... so her son would have somewhere to sleep when he's with her. I stopped talking altogether and started making my dinner. She texts me about an hour later, and surprise, guess what the subject was?
I told her to stop. As politely as I possibly could, over text, I told her I was tired of all our conversations being about her son, that if she wants to talk to me, she needs to find something else to say. I got no response to that.
Am I the asshole here?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ap47e8
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{
"description": "being jealous of my husbands close relationship with his aunt",
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|
AITA for being jealous of my husbands close relationship with his aunt
|
This is my first time posting I hope it makes sense.
So me and my husband have been married for a year now. We decided to skip the whole wedding and just elope as my father passed away that year. I don’t have any extended family but he comes from a very big and close knit family. (All of whom live in a different country except his Aunty and uncle)
I only met them once before we got married and immediately I realised she didn’t want him to get married.
After we got married he was supposed to move in with me but he kept making excuses that he didn’t just want to leave his auntys house that quickly because it would be rude. I agreed just to make things easy.
Fast forward a few months he finally moved in. I thought this would be the beginning for us to spend more time together. We picked one day out of the week to be together usually a Wednesday which is his day off. Usually when the day comes his Aunty and uncle call atleast 15 times telling him to come over and every single time he blows off any plans he has with me to go to them.
I tried to be understanding that they are the only close family he has here but I never get to spend any quality time with him.
He always makes excuses when he hasn’t seen them for a few days.
Even when he talks to them on the phone he gives them undivided attention. There has been occasions that she or her husband call him while we are in bed and he’ll get up to talk to them sometimes even leaving the room
but when his talking to me about something important his always on his phone or watching something and barely listens. This always results in a fight.
I grew up with family dinners so I tried to keep that tradition so I make sure that we have dinner together every night. His Aunty has since started sending him food in the day so that when he comes home he has food to eat. He stopped eating what I made because she makes him traditional back home meals.
Our marriage broke down fast he stopped caring for me. When I found out I couldn’t have kids after years of trying he left me crying in bed and was busy dealing with his auntys drama.
I asked to separate a few weeks ago and he moved out. We have started talking again but he refuses to acknowledge how priorities his aunt over his life with me.
I have never had any aunts or uncles he keeps telling me it’s normal to be that close to your family. I don’t know if I’m making a big deal about nothing
AITA for being jealous of his close relationship with his aunt?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "caring more about my dogs health than my step dads",
"pronormative_score": 11,
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|
AITA for caring more about my dogs health than my step dads?
|
(throwaway account) OK so some backstory, I have a 10 year old German Shepard named Gibby who is a retired police dog. He's incredibly shy and timid from what I understand to be dog-ptsd from the force. Anyway, even though he's still shy and whatnot his police dog training hasn't left him and he still reacts aggressively to aggressive behavior, which is fine because he makes a good guard dog and never attacks or barks at anyone who isn't being an asshole essentially.
So cut to two weeks ago, my mom and her new husband (B) came over and were having a few drinks, when B started getting rowdy my mom tried to calm him down to no avail, the whole ordeal became a screaming match. Gibby didn't like that and started barking at B, like he usually does in these situations, and B decided to hit Gibby with his empty beer bottle to "shut him up".
This resulted in B getting his hand bit, there was no serious damage that a few stitches and a few weeks wouldn't heal, but Gibby needed to get a couple of X rays and scans to make sure there is no brain damage from what was very much a serious head bludgeoning. (he's OK BTW)
Now the problem is, I never went to the ER for B but I rushed Gibby to the vet, which my mom and B saw as me caring about Gibby more, and now they refuse to talk to me and are now vauge posting about my "dangerous dog" and how it "viciously mauled B", and are even trying to get him put down. (which isn't working at all)
I can definitely see how I could be an asshole for caring about an animal more than a family member, but AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aggtz0
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{
"description": "not wanting to take care of my step-sisters dog",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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|
AITA for not wanting to take care of my step-sisters dog?
|
Currently, I live with my step-dad and my mom. My step-dad is great! He’s been more of a dad to me than my biological dad and I have nothing but respect for him. I have a step-sister that is 12 years old who lives with her mom, but obviously comes visit and sleeps over when it’s her turn to.
My step-sister has been wanting a dog forever because her mom doesn’t allow pets in her house, so my step-dad promised he’d buy her a dog. Now, I don’t have a problem with that at all but I know that this responsibility is gonna end up being mine. Since my step-sister doesn’t live here it’s basically gonna be “our” dog. The thing is I already have 2 dogs and I take care of them on my own and have never asked anyone to take care of them. I work, I go to college and have tons of responsibilities, so I don’t think I have the time to take care of a 3rd dog.
My mom and I spoke to my step-dad and told him we weren’t going to take care of my step-sisters dog and that he would have to take that responsibility. I obviously will love the dog and I’ll help care for it if ever needed but I just don’t want to be taking care full time of a dog that isn’t mine.
So, AITA?
TL;DR: Step-sister doesn’t live with me, but will have a dog living in her dad’s home (which is also my home) and I know that it’s gonna turn into a situation where I’m going to be the one responsible for the dog. With 2 dogs of my own and other responsibilities, I don’t want to take upon the task of caring for her dog. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b15o3l
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{
"description": "keeping my little brother's arrest a secret from our parents and the rest of the family",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for keeping my little brother's arrest a secret from our parents and the rest of the family?
|
I'm feeling very conflicted about this so I thought I'd ask you guys for an opinion...
Some background my brother is 14 years my junior. He's 18, I'm 32. Due to our age difference he will come to me for advice and help. We're very close, but there are definitely times when I have acted as a stand in parent. As an example, I had "the sex talk" with him because he didn't want to have it with our parents. He started at a big state university last semester.
Last semester he told me he got a Minor in Possession of alcohol (MIP). Rather than do the court mandated class he skipped it. So the court put out a bench warrant.
Come to early this semester he calls me from jail saying that he got another MIP while drinking with a girl in her dorm. Because he didn't do the class from his previous MIP he got arrested and put in jail because of his warrant.
He got arrested on a Friday and was being held with a $535 bail and called me. I told him that he should call our parents and have them sort this out.
He begged me not to tell them and said that if we posted bail he'd come work off the debt on his Spring break. I told him that I'd have to talk to my wife about the situation, but that he was spending at least one night in jail for being dumbass and not dealing with the court mandated stuff. He agreed that this was fair. The time he spend in county was eye opening for him.
My wife and I talked about it. We were both mad at him, but come Saturday morning, we bailed him out and agreed to not tell my parents. Our reasoning being that he's 18 and if he wants to tell them it's his choice.
Here's where my conflict comes in. Our dad is a Fed. It is very likely that he will find out. Even if it doesn't come out that way, he is asking me to keep a big secret from our parents that has the potential to create a rift in my relationship with them. I know that he's 18 and that he's an adult. If my parents find out they will be mad at us for not telling them.
All this being said, our parents are not the most reasonable people. If they found out they would likely pull him from university and make him go to a community college in the deep south. He and I both hate it there. I haven't told my parents in confidence, because I know that they would lose their minds.
My mother has become suspicious for the reason of visit. He had plans with friends, but cancelled them to come help my wife and I work on our home. She's been doing some probing, "Why did your brother cancel plans with his friends to come work on your house? What did he do? Does he owe you money?" I don't lie, but I had to lie and omit the truth in this case. I told her, "He wanted to come and visit. We offered to pay him to help us out." I *HATE* lying. I felt like shit after lying for my brother and I've had to do it several times now.
Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
3h3I5tRt0eUTHRYtA2vfWjQBtJuWJcyh
|
akojoi
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my boyfriend for calling me a nickname that he doesn't know is offensive",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my boyfriend for calling me a nickname that he doesn’t know is offensive?
|
For background’s sake, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for around 4 months now and ever since then he’s been calling me Fatty as a nickname (I’m 5’6” and 150 pounds). I hate this nickname so I asked him to call me by another nickname or to call me by my first name.
He opted to call me “Hihi”, which coincidentally is the slang for “asshole” for young people from my city (shoutout to Hong Kong peeps). He’s 14 years older than me (he’s 38 and I’m 24) so I can’t say for sure that he knows this term. I told him that it’s a rude word and don’t call me that. He persisted. AITA for getting mad even though he might not know what it means?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
pMEfPeMtBvtoolm4HHc7pLmovzW4AA6Y
|
axuuar
|
{
"description": "helping my one friend realize she didn't want to hookup with another friend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for helping my one friend realize she didn’t want to hookup with another friend?
|
So I hooked up two friends of mine. They had plans to link up.
The one friend confided in me that she’s having second thoughts and is reconsidering it. She was scared to cancel though because she didn’t want to hurt the other friends feelings.
I told her she shouldn’t anyone’s feelings in front of hers in a situation like this, and that she shouldn’t force herself to do something she doesn’t want to do his to spare someone’s feelings because she might regret it and feel even worse.
She thanked me and said she’ll talk to the other friend.
I’m now realizing I just stopped my one friend from a hookup. I feel like shit about that because it was going to be his first ever anything with a girl. And I feel like I convinced her to cancel. But she was having doubts and all I said was to not force herself to do anything she would regret. But all I’m thinking now is my friend is going to find out and think I betrayed him by cock blocking him.
AITA for that? I don’t think I am but I’m scared he’ll think I am.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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ap5bzi
|
{
"description": "being angry at my gf after she calls me naive",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being angry at my gf after she calls me naive?
|
So, my gf and I are together for 1,5 years now.
She just tends to throw something like "dumbie" at me from time to time, she just tends to find it funny, but I just ignore it usually and write it of as just some stupid playful banter.
However, today we had a talk about something which is actually not too important at all. I then sent her a statistic which proved my point and she called me naive for believing in this. You should know that I am working in a job in the MINT field, and I am usually trying to argue only with things that are scientifically proven, so I was really pissed by that. What got me way more was the fact that she called me naive.
I usually walk through life in a very suspicious way and barely believe what people tell me right away, while she, still living at home, is basically the opposite, and barely ever had to deal with any situations which you might be called naive for falling for something.
So basically, I was super pissed at her at that point. I sent her a voicemail stating that this is just bullshit, and that she really hurt me with saying this to me. I then proceeded to ask her why she was doing this in the first place. She knows that things like these piss me off, and the only winner here would be her ego for some time, while the tradeoff is me being angry at her, so I don't even get the reasoning why you would say this to your partner in a relationship.
She got angry as well, stating that she does not understand the commotion, and when I asked her to just say sorry and we get over with this she mentioned that she doesn't see the problem with me getting hurt, I just shouldn't handle this in such a way and deal with it.
So, AITA for being angry at my gf and getting in a fight for something rather mundane and her calling me naive?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
IWRBztortDrWHYxkG3pw2c6hQq39Ct50
|
ar4bcd
|
{
"description": "not always replying to my girlfriends texts",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not always replying to my girlfriends texts?
|
A bit of background information. She’s 17, I’m 16m. I suffer with quite severe depression and anxiety, amongst other things. We are in a long distance relationship. We live a 5 hour drive apart, yet none of can drive. I often go up to visit every 2-3 weeks on the bus, because I have family there too, so it makes sense for me to go to her.
In between my visits, we normally text and call a lot. Over the past few times, I’ve started replying to her less. This is because my depression got extremely bad, I’d lay in bed all day, watching YouTube or laying in the dark and maybe scrolling through reddit. In these times, I rarely talk to people. I feel like shit, and anybody who suffers with depression that you don’t have the energy to hold a conversation that often. You just want to be left alone. She knows this, she knows I’m depressed and I’m on meds for this, so it hurt me more when this happened.
I still went up to visit her, even though my depression was bad. Because I love her.
But on my recent visit up there, she kept on dropping hints about how I don’t answer her texts, and I’m just ignoring her all the time.
This gets worsened when I answer other people’s texts around her. Once I’m out of my bedroom, it’s different. I can answer texts because I’m already out, so a couple texts arnt too bad. It worsened after this. I’ve explained it to her why I do this, but she still goes on, giving me the almost silent treatment. I feel really guilty about it. I almost don’t wanna talk to her anymore because she doesn’t understand me
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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vF1sRQrumF7mQI1fBhaQhVmvT886nrZ3
|
ahju3l
|
{
"description": "not giving my friend a sour patch kids",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not giving my friend a sour patch kids?
|
Okay so this is a really petty argument and my whole friend group keeps arguing over it and it’s split pretty much 50/50 so I need your guys help.
We are pretty stoned and we are going on a night hike with like 6 guys we have a bunch of snacks and stuff with us to eat when we get to the top of this mountain to a sick look out. One of my friends asks if he can have a sour patch to which I reply no since we are are waiting to get to the top and then we can all sit down and enjoy everything together. This stops him dead in his tracks. It’s split 3v3 half saying give him a candy so he stops bitching the other half telling him to stop being a bitch. This goes on to the point where we just give up and eat the candy maybe half way up the trail and at that point we are to lazy to finish the hike so we just walk back. We wake up the next morning laughing about how stupid we all were only to realize that both sides are laughing about how stupid the other side is and nothing changed after sobering up. This was three months ago and we still can’t come to a solution, are my friends just idiots or am I in the wrong? (Extra info I did buy a majority of the snacks including sour patch if that means anything)
TLDR : friend wants me to open sour patch bag half way through hike, but we are trying to finish the hike to get to a look out first
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
bzyXaKxuBDEXEKU0Q8QKKsbfeiohiN0l
|
9u3q71
|
{
"description": "not wanting to introduce my brother to my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to introduce my brother to my friend
|
My brother wants to know a friend of mine. He saw her on pic with me on instagram. I said she has a boyfriend(which is not true). The truth is my brother well he is ugly and short and probably a 20 year old virgin and my friend is quite a looker. Me and my brother are best friends, but this situtation really was uncomfortable for me. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
kx0JZ13VHrdE4qOyNcs2qZgpBTfhhBv8
|
adz5xv
|
{
"description": "not arguing",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not arguing
|
I just find it pointless and it’s not about winning or losing arguments either. If I feel like someone is saying a certain thing to get a reaction or to trigger me lately I’ll just shut up I don’t even want to engage in conversations that are purposely leading to an argument especially if I’ve said or done something just for the sake of not getting into an argument. Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
i8ISde5nAFtP0SjuZ6XRmhCMk0J0rSLv
|
ak1o46
|
{
"description": "disliking my sick housemate",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for disliking my sick housemate?
|
This is the first time I’ve posted here so I’m sorry if I’m not doing it right.
Basically there was a room free in our house at the beginning of the rental year (last August), one of my housemates friends moved into the room (this was fine by all of us). So there’s this new housemate and she’s fine, a little annoying but fine. All of a sudden her MS starts getting bad and all of us have to start caring for her a tiny bit (nothing ridiculous, just getting her water or cooking chicken nuggets etc), even though we don’t know her that well and are busy with university stuff. One day she’s taken away in an ambulance and has to stay at hospital, this is where she starts really bothering us all. While she’s in hospital she’s let her dad move into her bedroom (he came over from another country to be with her), she didn’t really ask if it was ok but just said it was happening and “is that ok”, and we can’t just say no cause we’d all seem like assholes and also she’s already arranged it. So a few weeks later she comes back from the hospital and I’m sort of trying to not be around her cause I know she’ll waste my time (I study and work!) telling me all about it and I’ll have to stand there and agree. After a few days I’m face to face with her and needless to say she bothers me with all her talking (even trying to make me feel sorry for her by saying “you’re lucky you don’t have MS”) when I’ve clearly got my hands full and trying to get into my room. Additionally now she’s got a load of medical chairs and frames all over the house and since she’s still unwell she’s always in the living room (where the fridge is) making it uncomfortable for me to go in there when I want to make food). So anyway she’s just gone BACK to the hospital (which I hate to say it but was a convenience to me- I realise that I’m definitely the asshole at that moment) but then she messages us all saying that her dads gonna be staying here again. I only say him briefly last time she was in hospital but knowing there’s a stranger here is really uncomfortable and I find myself limited in my own house as I’m trying to avoid him.
Sorry for the long post but I feel as though I had to explain everything fully.
📷**ReplyForward**
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"description": "not wanting to look back",
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AITA for not wanting to look back?
|
Okay so for context I have been in a large friend group for a while, but there's a bit of a problem with it: It's built on the idea that everyone's fucked up and will always be that way, and it's gotten to the point where the group actively drags mental health down the drain. I hope you all know the Crab Bucket metaphor bc thats kind of what it is
​
Simply put people were becoming uncomfortable around me for essentially being lifeless, to the point where my girlfriend broke up with me. It got to a stopping point, I knew people didn't want me in the group, so I left. Now they're all absolutely pissed at me, granted since I kinda freaked a lot of them out its reasonable, but it feels more they're mad that I finally escaped, using their anger as a stepstool for it.
​
The group is already falling apart after I left, and I wanted to get / give closure to everyone, but I know it won't happen bc nobody wants to communicate. Simply put, that group's out for my blood, and I'm not sure if I'm in the right for not wanting to look back.
​
So, AITA?
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"description": "being mad at my parents for punishing me because of an extracurricular",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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AITA for being mad at my parents for punishing me because of an extracurricular?
|
Backstory: I'm a seventh grader who is apparently extremely smart. I hae to split my free time with a ton of extracurricular activities, including chess, robotics, and , as will be important later, spelling bee. Every Wenesday, Monday, and Friday after school i practice spelling words with my grandma for at least 40 minutes on Mondays and Wednesdays, and an hour on Fridays. My parents recently got mad at me for "not studying enough for the spelling bee" (I had been keeping up with the aforementioned studying schedule for almost the whole school year) and have thus deleted all my games, which i paid for, and are putting me on an even more extreme practice schedule. Once i fit in all the other things i have to practice and study, I am going to have almost no free time after this change, not like i would be able to do anything after over $200 of games have been deleted. AITA for being mad?
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{
"description": "realizing I want nothing to do with my dad",
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AITA for realizing I want nothing to do with my dad.
|
so my mom had me when she was 17 almost 18. my dad was about 20 at the time. they split when i was about 4 and i lived with both of them about 50 50. my dad has never been the most responsible guy (kicked out of schools, bad grades, pothead/drugdealer, kinda sexist, etc.). i have early childhood memories of him handing me bags of weed and telling me to smell them and he would get mad if i didnt like it and he would make me help him rip up my moms clothes when he got mad at her. he would spank me if i ever stepped out of line. he was a very masculine guy and wanted me to be super masculine too but being the gay i am i always hated doing anything that a stereotypical masculine young boy would enjoy. anyways he had a girlfriend when i was 7 who was living with us and he took me home after school one day and they started fighting and things got physical. he was then arrested and deported to mexico but i never really understood how wrong he was until later on. anyways he got out of prison when i was about 10 and i flew to mexico to stay with him for 10 weeks. he told me that what he did was ok because she was cheating and stealing from him. over the few years after that, i started to realize what a shitty guy he was. he now has 3 different kids (that i know of) with 3 different women that he has no relation to anymore. i maintained a close relationship with my grandma (on my dads side) and she would always call him and make me talk to him. he would always ask why i never called him and tell me that i dont care about him (like uhhh hi im like 12 and youre my dad who fucked up so who should be calling who here? lol). anyways as time went on i started talking to him less and less until i was about 14 when my grandma made me fly out to see him again with her. i wasnt the happiest there but im too nice of a person to be rude to my dad but he could tell i wasnt the same oblivious child that i used to be. he cried to my grandma because he knew that i needed a dad and he couldnt give that to me and he knew how i felt. he always said he would come back to america one day and be back in my life but i always knew that would never happen, the last i talked to him was saying goodbye to him at the airport in mexico when i was 14. my grandma always called him whenever i was at her house and she would ask me to talk to him and i always told her i didnt want to. im now 18 and i recently heard news a few months ago that he got himself into prison again. he has never been there for me and always been toxic but i cant shake the fact that he's my dad and i cant help but to feel guilty cutting him out completely. i want to give him more chances but i know he wont change anytime soon and the part of my life where i desperately needed him is over but part of me still hates myself for cutting out the only dad i have.
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"description": "giving the father of my unborn baby an ultimatum",
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AITA for giving the father of my unborn baby an ultimatum?
|
Baby's father will not give me an honest answer about the role he wants to play in baby's life. I found out I was pregnant after returning home to my country in August. I found out fairly early, around 4 or 5 weeks, and told him immediately so we could discuss our options. He said he wished to support me either way and did not want to push me into a decision, but was hoping that I would have an abortion. I struggled for a long time with my decision but ultimately decided to keep the baby. I told him he did not have to be involved if that was what he wanted and that I wouldn't ask him for anything, but he needed to let me know. I'm now about to enter my sixth month of pregnancy and still can't get an answer out of him.
​
I understand that it's a tough decision being that we're on two different continents and are no longer seeing each other. I'm not delusional and I realize we aren't going to be a traditional family and I made my decision knowing full well that I would be taking the brunt of the responsibility, but I do believe that there are ways to make it work if he wants to have a relationship with his son and I do want to give him an opportunity to do so.
​
We did meet in person to chat about a month ago and he admitted that he was resentful of the situation and felt that it was something he was being forced into, but that he felt it was strange to have some little creature running around in the world and not know them. He said he won't come for the birth, but will visit sometime next year. He left, and I flew home and took some time to digest what he had said before reaching out to him again. I told him that we could consider him not having anything to do with it and he didn't seem to like that. He said he would prefer not to register anything or sign the birth certificate unless it seems really important or stupid not to, but that he doesn't know what those reasons would be.
​
I said that generally wanting to be a decent person and acknowledge your child would be reason enough. I told him that I was really just tired of discussing it and dragging it out for so long and that he basically had two options: one, establish paternity with the intention of knowing his son and get the gears in motion instead of just half-heartedly saying he'll visit eventually; two, don't establish paternity, which he has every right to do, but he should know the implications of that decision—I 100% won't allow him access to the baby should he ever have any desire to meet him. He can establish his rights through the courts. I told him that isn't a threat, but I can't allow him to keep the child on standby for X amount of time just in case he one day decides he fits neatly into his life. Either he's in or he's out, but there's no in between.
​
He responded saying that I leave him speechless when I go completely mental like that. He said we have different views of what being a decent person means: to him, it's about taking responsibility and only putting life on earth when you are qualified to do so and can offer a good childhood. He said if I want to keep going on with my insane with-us-or-against-us strategy, he also doesn't want anything to do with me. He says that he just hopes I will wake up one day and realize that life is not just black and white, and that I'm basically just telling him to piss off and "that's what it is."
​
I told him that I am only broaching the subject because he said that he felt it was something being forced on him. I haven't changed my mind about anything, but wanted him to know that I'm not forcing him into anything and he can choose not to have anything to do with the baby, but he needs to know what that decision means. He told me it's an ultimatum regardless of what I want to call it, and that I'm telling him he needs to be a full-on father or never ever. He says that isn't giving him a choice since I already know that full-on father isn't an option.
​
I responded that I'm not asking him to be a full-on father, but that I didn't understand why he wouldn't sign the birth certificate if he did want some sort of involvement. I told him that if it's a question of paternity or him trying to protect himself financially then I understand, but obviously I don't expect him to sign a birth certificate for a child he isn't 100% certain about, and I honestly have about a million other things to worry about and not one of those things is fighting for an international child support order. I'm not interested in his money, I simply want my child to know his father if it's at all a possibility. I said that I don't want to be an asshole or make the situation any worse than it is, but children deserve black and white.
​
He says he doesn't fear the financial part, but does generally feel like protecting himself from something he doesn't know the consequences of. If there's some good reason for him to sign it that he's unaware of then he would be up for it, but in that case he would need to talk to a lawyer and have it confirmed that it's his child. I told him that's a good idea, and reiterated that it's nothing to do with giving him an ultimatum or punishing him, but that I know how it feels to be the child in this situation and I want more for my own child.
​
He responded that he thinks he deserves that too and if I find someone who maybe even wants to legally adopt him, that would probably be a lot easier if he didn't sign. I agreed that it would be easier, but that what is easier or more convenient for me doesn't really matter anymore, and that could always be dealt with when and if the time came. I told him that he should speak to a lawyer in his country and that I will talk to someone here as well.
​
That was weeks ago, and I reached out today to ask if he'd had a chance to speak with a lawyer yet. He left this message on read, and a few hours later I sent what I guess is probably my final message to him at this point: "Look, I don't like having to communicate with you either and I've told you since the beginning that I'll gladly cut all ties with you if you don't want anything to do with this but you need to stop with the whole hedging your bets/shoddy communication thing and just give me a straight answer about where you're at. I really don't want to be put in the position of having to be the bad guy and make this decision because it's a big one that will ultimately affect the baby's life the most but this can't continue on indefinitely. You've had twice the amount of time that I had to figure it out and I've tried to be patient but it just isn't fair now. I'm not going to reach out again after this so if I don't hear back from you then I guess that's that."
​
I haven't heard back yet, but right now I'm just attributing that to the time zone difference. I'm sure he probably will respond and try to gaslight me and say I'm crazy and make me out to be the asshole. It's painfully obvious he wants nothing to do with the baby and at this point I think our son is better off without him, but in some way I feel as though if I call the shots and make this decision for him that I'm the reason they don't have a relationship, and that should be a weight that he carries for the rest of his life, not me. I think I will feel guilty if I cut all ties to him without him explicitly admitting that's what he wants, even though I don't believe there is a reason for me to feel guilty at this point. I don't want to harass him or attack him if he wants nothing to do with it. I believe he has every right to decide he doesn't want to be a father. But if he isn't willing to take on that responsibility, he should at least be willing to be honest about it and admit it. Our son deserves someone who is capable of loving him and I want to be able to provide him with that and have the assurance that he won't come crawling out of his hole someday when he inevitably feels regretful and ruin that for us. If he isn't capable of being a father, I think he just needs to accept that he may one day regret it and give us the opportunity to move on. I don't believe I'm an asshole for that, but I guess I'm second guessing myself, so... AITA?
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{
"description": "not letting my mum's friends son play on my gaming systems and to genuinely hate him",
"pronormative_score": 15,
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|
AITA for not letting my mum's friends son play on my gaming systems and to genuinely hate him
|
So basically a couple years or so ago, my mum made this new friend called Johanna (fake name for privacy reasons). Now Johanna's a decent person, in my opinion, nothing more to say on the matter. She even has a son, which is okay I guess.
Now let me say, and this is important, I have autism and so does he. His mum says he has it worse than me, which in my opinion, is utter bullshit. He doesn't seem worse than me at that age.
So with that being said, I understand he may throw tantrums and be bratty. Hell, I was at that age, and let me remind you that I don't think he has worse autism than me. He constantly cries when things don't go his way, does it when you won't let him see what you're doing and when you won't let him play on your system. Why am I complaining exactly?
Well, at that age I was the same really. Except I threw worse tantrums. But the thing is: I never did it at anyone else's house. I did it at home sure, I may have even done it in public or in a store. But I NEVER did it in another persons home. If I was at my grandparents, I'd be nice and abide by their rules. I wouldn't think anything in that house was mine if they didn't say it was.
Hell, even when my Dad tagged me along for his side job (which is irrelevant so I won't explain what it is) which requires him to go into strangers homes, I always kept to myself and never stirred up anything.
So if at that age I was polite with people who I didn't even KNOW and respected my blood families house rules, why does this little brat think he can come in and act like everything's his.
If I'm on my DS, he'll start asking if he can play or look over to see what I'm doing (which I don't want him doing) and if I tell him no or move the DS away so he can't see, I'll get yelled at and to be nice. If I'm playing on my N64 and he asks if he can play, and I tell him that no, it's a singleplayer game, he'll start crying and to let him play or I get yelled at to put in a multiplayer game when I don't want to (which side rant, it's MY system Mum, I decide what I want to play not you)
I don't know why I just hate him. My brother said it could be because I'm jealous because he's the center of attention when he comes over and they take his side in everything, which could be a possibility.
So basically, AITA for hating this kid?
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ano31g
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{
"description": "refusing the clean the kitchen",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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|
WIBTA for refusing the clean the kitchen?
|
I live with my parents and the only job I'm required to complete is the kitchen. Keep in mind, it isn't the *only* job I do, it's just the only one I'm expected to do. I help around and do other jobs on top of cleaning the kitchen.
Sometimes I'm not at home (away for a couple of days or more) and when I come back, the kitchen has not been touched after it's been used. I can't even describe the state I've seen it in, it can be that bad. I spoke to my family about it and asked them to please clean it if I'm not at home or even just to get my siblings (ages 7 and 10) to do it.
My dad works full time on weekdays and sometimes has to make calls after work and my mum works casually (sometimes working 2 shifts on 1 day) and cooks so I can understand that sometimes they're just too busy or want to rest. However as I stated earlier, I have 2 other siblings who could do it *plus* a dishwasher which most of the time doesn't get filled when I'm away.
Every time I come back to a messy kitchen I feel like it's always expected of me to tidy it up despite the times I've expressed someone else to do it while I'm away.
I'm not sure if I'm being ungrateful in this situation or if I'm justified. I'll leave it up for you guys to decide.
TL,DR: main job is to clean kitchen but when I'm away no one does it and I'm the one that has to clean it when I come back. Asked family to clean it when I'm gone but it never gets done.
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ardky4
| null |
AITA if my parents didn't get me what i want for my birthday?
|
For reference, my parents are just into their 60's, i am approaching my mid thirties, my sister is coming very late thirties. My parents were by no means restricted in income (probably the opposite) when i was a child, but i do not know their financials as of now. Neither has any diagnosed mental difficulties.
​
It's my birthday in less than a week, meaning both my sister and my parents have bothered to contact me to ask if i want anything. This is one of the few times in the year i am contacted by them directly, other than passive aggressive texts and emails about faaaaamily and how important it is. I have long since left the FOG and dropped the rope in my immediate family relations and am Very Low Contact with my mother, father and sister, since their abilities to denigrate me and everything i do far outweighs my ability to withstand such commentary.
​
My mother made a rare attempt to talk to me herself without provocation or my initiation, so i felt compelled to answer. It was a mediocre conversation, with over 3/4 of it being told about the cats i've never met, my fathers struggles to gain a PHD (Some narcs out-narc other narcs, and apparently PHD guides are the best at narcing according to my mother) and of course her unenviable, inifintie list of new ailments that i long ago gave up worrying about since she'll probably oulive death itself.
​
But the topic actually somehow made it around to my birthday. And she showed interest.
​
She asked what i was going to be doing, actually engaged in what i had planned and supported my decision to keep my celebration small, informal and quiet. She even asked about certain extended family members who i am far closer to then my immediate family, which to her is a cardinal sin and beyond redemption (please note, said extended family members are invited to my celebration, with an obvious gap where my SO says i should invite my family)
​
She rounds this out by asking me if i would like a gift. I am far too old to coinisi9der birthdays about gifts, but i felt strangely child-like. I was honestly being asked if i wanted something, so i said yes. She asked for where to buy it, and i provided the website. I am very crafty, and much prefer specific pieces of equipment rather than something somebody might find similar given how varied the quality of equipment can get, which is important. I emailed the site to buy, showing clearly what brand and model it was was along with price and packaging, all for \~$30.
​
Today i get asked if i'd received the present, less than 48 hours after we had that conversation. The item was fairly unknown so i was immediately in doubt if it could have arrived already, and checked my emails. What is arriving for my birthday is a $30 dollar amazon voucher, and a $30 book on motorcycle maintenance.
​
I do not own a motorcycle and i have outright expressed my anxiety at anyone riding one. I have never owned a motorcycle, and neither has my partner. My sister demanded one on her 18th birthday, crashed four of them to date and still has the newest one on my parents insurance, even though neither of them can either ride it or maintain it.
​
This may be nothing as my SO interprets, but for me this is worse than birthdays where i got no acknowledgment other than that i would soon be able to move out (jokingly apparently) . It's worse than seeing my older sister be sent to countries with friends for her milestones, where i wasn't allowed to bring friends inside the house. This instead is just a long line of instances where my identity and interests are confused with my sisters, or i am outright ignored. When my sister was 15 she took up percussion. I then received drumsticks on my 12th birthday, when i could barely play the cello. On my 18th, i got a lifetime subscription to a french language course by an established academic institution near where my parents lived. I lived over 500+ miles away at the time, and had no means of taking this course (on top of which, my sister is almost a polyglot. I gave up on languages as a 15 year old being yelled at for 2 weeks for not speaking half of one, whereas at the same age my sister spoke 5).
​
There are many more examples, but i think this will go too long otherwise. I feel angry and insulted that they can't even remember i am not my sister, or even what i enjoy doing whilst in my sister shadow, but i feel guilty about being given money. While they may have a lot to my perspective, i have no idea whether even a $60 total gift is within their budget. I don't write about them in the most flattering light, and that i just characteristic of my view on them.
​
My SO says their hearts are in the right place and that they're trying. My guilt says i should accept any gift with gratitude and grace. But my gut says i am the forgotten child, and even as an adult, that still stings
​
Sorry for the length, but half a bottle of rum really doesn't help the editing process, and REALLY doesn't help removing bias.
​
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|
b4o2do
|
{
"description": "roasting my sister that she only likes plain food",
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|
AITA for roasting my sister that she only likes plain food?
|
So a little information, my sister (who is an adult) only likes food when it’s plain. She’s a very picky eater, and will only eat chicken nuggets and plain cheese pizza at restaurants. I’ve always thought it’s kind of childish that she doesn’t eat anything adventurous but I guess she likes what she likes. So last night I was at dinner at a nice restaurant for my aunts birthday, and the menu had a lot of exotic items on it and nothing plain enough to satisfy my sisters palate. She started complaining loudly to the rest of my family about the lack of other options, and even went as far as to single some people out and ask if they could ask the server for more plain options. She is fully grown, and should be capable of doing this herself, But that’s besides the point. Onto the AITA. She keeps complaining and saying we should leave and go to a different restaurant, and I snapped and said “Maybe try something not drenched in cheese or deep fried, who knows you might like it.” She started yelling at me, and the rest of dinner was awkward for the rest of the family. My father told me I was out of line but I think everyone was thinking the same as me. So AITA?
|
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axwvwn
|
{
"description": "leaving my lifelong friend WhatsApp group without any explanation",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I leave my lifelong friend WhatsApp group without any explanation?
|
Basically I want out of this WhatsApp group with 5 other women. These women were my best and really, only friends for about 25+ years but after a series of non-incidents over the last few years I finally decided to give up trying to be friends with each of them and therefore as a group.
I regret nothing.
It was time and I was generally more often angry, hurt and annoyed by their individual incidents of making plans to break plans, mansplaining, judginess, prioritising everyone else over our plans, non-arrangements, pointless secretiveness and other banal shite. The friendships weren't toxic but they weren't fulfilling. There was no confrontation. I proposed and organised bookclubs, things to do with our kids, brunches, a collective 40th trip over the last few years all to be met with degrees of immediate enthusiasm and replaced with meh. (They are in varying degrees the same with each other.)
About 6 months ago, after one of them bailed on her own birthday drinks, where one said she was going out with other friends the next day anyway (at the last minute), one said her kid might be getting a cold so she didn't want to leave her and one never responded at all to the invite but was generally acknowledged as the just turning type, I decided that I'd had enough and stopped proposing any more individual stuff and became a lurker in the WhatsApp group.
I don't want to be a lurker. I want out but I don't want drama. This hasn't been a test if their friendship or attentiveness. I'm not looking to make a statement or get their attention. I've been working on making other friends, up for work socialising, hanging out with my family, reconnecting with college friends so I'm good. I feel creepy seeing their exchanges and constantly archiving or muting the chats without reading them but it keeps popping up. I don't check them to see if they're directed at me or chime in on stuff but they may well think I'm just cooling off and we'll all be friends again after I blow off some steam. I haven't reached out to any of them. There's one whose kid is friends with my kid and we see each other at the school gate and bring the kids for coffee occasionally we don't talk about the group and I wouldn't make a plan with her unless she's standing in front of me.
I just want to not be in the group but AITA if I don't offer an explanation to these people?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
b4DWy4WKzpWzOfEo38fPS2bOgTdqzyH9
|
afq7va
|
{
"description": "wanting to watch a movie in peace",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Because I want to watch a movie in peace?
|
I've been waiting to see the latest Halloween movie since I first heard about it being made.
I am a fan of the Halloween franchise (all/any movies really), enough that I would just want to watch it without any talk about anything other than the movie and briefly if at all, the odd jump/scare (if it happens) or comment about a scene, stuff like that.
My birthday comes along and ideally it would have been nice to see it on the day (at night time) but it didn't feel right, like there just wouldn't be a long enough period of time where we aren't interrupted, by pets, phone calls, knocks at the door, sounds from outside and then trying to watch it at night and not during the day which doesn't happen often as I am usually busy at night.
Movies are one of the biggest passions I've ever had, one of the only things that's never faded away like many of my other hobbies or interests I've lost interest in over the years so it kind of means enough to me that I don't want interruptions.
My other half asked me about playing the movie and I agreed (kind of knowing what might happen but in hope it would be peaceful for a while) but if you're either going to fall asleep, spend the whole time looking at a computer screen and intermittently talking to me about whatever you're looking at (while I actually try to watch the movie!) or doing any other stuff, why bother asking me at all, I can watch a movie on my own anytime!
When I watch a movie and expect or at least consider it will be better than half decent I feel that I can't "get into the movie" with one interruption which is enough to make me feel like I would just turn it off and try again another time, not even pause it, not to mention several interruptions about something completely unrelated on a computer which means you're not even as interested about the movie as I am (or was, at this point), something else about the pets and any other outbursts which could easily wait until the 90 minutes have passed.
It's not just this movie but at least any new movie you're looking forward to.
I do have anxiety problems and find it really hard to watch something with other things going on which are nothing to do with it and don't feel like it's unreasonable to want a small amount of time to really just relax.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
9U23HcP5AK6SAoxbbdTAJWNuKgxKJZlm
|
b27e38
| null |
AITA airlines and Bomb Cyclones and liars
|
AITA This all started with my Spirit flight to Florida Leaving 3-14 which was canceled at DIA on 3-13-19. So I called Spirit to change the dates, I was unable to get in touch with anyone. My husband got me a flight but they gave us the wrong dates. After trying to call until 1AM the morning I was so exhausted I could barely hold my eyes open so I decided just to go into DIA and speak with an agent face-to-face. At DIA 4:30AM I made my request and was told my preferred flight would be an additional $400 . She found a undesired flight for exta $171 on top of the $180 that I had already spent for the ticket. Believing this was my only choice, feeling desperate I took it. About 5 maybe 10 minutes after leaving DIA I had a feeling to check Spirit flights availability I found a flight that would’ve met my needs perfectly and cost $100 less. I wanted to get back to Colorado Springs to see if I can work at all as I am going to have to take additional days off. I ended up having to stay the night in Castle Rock because I 25 was closed. I got in touch with Spirit Airlines at 1:05 AM ,this agent wanted to charge me $152 to change the flight. I decided to call a manager when I got home and work this all out. When I spoke with a manager he said that he could not help me because I was out of the 24 hour booking period. I informed him that I had spoken with an agent at 1:05 AM and she was wanted to charge $152 and at that time I was within the 24 hour booking period but he would not honor it. I feel that I was taken advantage because I was trapped in a bomb cyclone and very vulnerable I have spent all day driving to Denver and didn’t find out that my flight was canceled until I was already there the roads were very dangerous I was stuck in my car for four hours my roadside assistance will not come get me because the roads were too bad so I had to sit there. Then I was lied to by Spirit agent my prices are skyrocketing . My original flight ticket cost $116 my flight now cost $352. I Have posted my story all over Facebook all over Airline reviews I plan to go to the Better Business Bureau, contact newspapers anyone that will listen to me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
kzR3p6BMYhJO6NZO9liXU6djK26qRrdg
|
axnto5
|
{
"description": "confronting husband's relative",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for confronting husband's relative?
|
I 31f) found out a few months ago that my husband's uncle (60s) participated in malicious rumor spreading along with my MIL (60s) who we are no contact with. My husband and I knew that he and his family had believed the lies my MIL had told them but I had no idea that his uncle was spreading lies about me to other people while pretending to be cool with me to my face. The number one thing I'm pissed about is that they took private medical information that I never disclosed to them and spread it around without my consent or knowledge. His future daughter in law has been feeling guilty about this for a while and she finally told me about what happened and apologized for her part in it. She was warned about me and told several lies about my mental state right before she met me for the first time.
I sent him a message yesterday telling him the real facts and I told him how I felt about what he and his family did. I didn't curse or insult him, but I feel guilty for getting my feelings out there. I thought I would feel better and I don't. Did I do something wrong, should I have ignored this huge betrayal?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Mprt56fNUrAB9KxBzTqDZyRawBYjI6Ta
|
agxvit
|
{
"description": "thinking if my bf's son stays with us, he should wake up when I do",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for thinking if my bf's son (18/m) stays with us, he should wake up when I do?
|
My boyfriend and I have a 6 mo old baby. When I was pregnant I told him we needed to move as we currently were in a 1-bedroom apartment and the baby needed her own room. When we were viewing a 2-bedroom apartment, he mentioned that perhaps sometimes his son (who is 18 and at the time unemployed) could come stay with us sometimes. I told him we could think about it AFTER we moved and the baby came, once I saw how I adjusted to the baby. I never planned on having children and, honestly, when we got together I thought I would never have to deal with his son coming to stay since he is overage and lived with his mother. I figured he would stay a couple nights with us sometimes, this is what I was told.
So, I have had the baby and my bfs has not got a new job or a better apartment for us. We make it work because we have to. But now he wants his son to come stay with us at times because he is having disagreements with his stepfather and the mother won't step in. This was one thing when he stayed a night or two. Lately he comes to stay indefinitely, this last time with literally 10 mins notice. My boyfriend will not tell me when he's leaving, he just says "He'll want to go home soon anyways" because (since we don't have a spare bedroom) he has to sleep on our living room futon and we have to keep our 3 cats in the living room now since the baby is in the bedroom.
Here is where my big problem comes in. We have one working car ATM and I can't drive it bc it's a manual. I am stuck in the house with the baby all day. I love my baby, but I never planned on having kids and it takes a lot out of me. The ONLY thing I have for myself right now is playing video games. It is the only thing keeping me sane some days. Our old TV took a shit right after we bought a new one and now the new TV is out in the living room. It is too big to bring back into our bedroom and since my bf sleeps in all the time he doesn't want it there anyways.
I only get early mornings to myself, the rest of the day is full of the baby. She will only sleep with me bc I breastfeed (we are trying to fix this), if we are out of milk I have to bring out the boob and through the day pump for bottles. So this leaves me quarantined in our bedroom all day. I have to go back there to feed the baby and pump bc my bf is so weird about me having my boobs out in front of anyone. I have to go back to put her down to nap. I'm ALWAYS with her back there since she's always eating and napping. So my solution before was in the early morning when I'm awake from feeding the baby, I would play games in the living room and the baby stayed asleep with him in the bedroom. But since his son came to stay, now he says it's not fair for me to go into the living room to play games and wake his son up at 7-10 AM. I feel like these are totally reasonable times, my bf says "Not if he went to bed at 3 pm!" I went to bed at 3 PM too and I'm awake. I feel like I'm not asking for him to wake up at 4 AM, it's a reasonable time and if he wants to stay here he can get up when I do or figure out how to sleep through it. I would never stay on someone's couch and expect them to hide in their bedroom until noon bc I stayed up late.
This morning I got up and went out to play at 6:30 AM. The baby started waking and I went back to settle her. I got back up and went back out at 7, Stepson had exited my paused game to turn on SpongeBob (which he leaves running all night), turned the fan back on in our already freezing house that I had turned off, and gone back to sleep.
Reddit, AITA for thinking his son should work around our schedule and I shouldn't have to be sequestered in my bedroom all day bc my bf thinks his 18-year-old son should be able to sleep until noon?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
ftJYUk73C58Dh3hxZlvehVWbmW8aPqzo
|
b1sxy4
|
{
"description": "trying to be a middle man for my ex and my friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for trying to be a middle man for my ex and my friend?
|
So this happened over the course of the apst 12 or 13 hours and it just ended (hopefully), obligatory thro[w]away.
So context, my friend was asking me for some background info regarding my ex, who he has became pretty close with these past few months, to see if he should date her. I give him the info and he says he was considering to make a move pretty soon. So, as we actually were pretty close friends before we dated but had grown apart but we had still talked a little semi-recently, I figured we were still mediocre friends. I then offered to be a middle man for my friend. To which he said if he needs me he'll let me know.
So the following day, being earlier this morning, when he said soon I guessed he meant something like today or maybe this weekend. However, I guessed wrong. Long story short me and my ex's convo consisted of "do you like ___?" Then her thinking i was being controlling over her still (we dated over a year ago and for 2 weeks or so(yikes)), and then me attempting to back-pedal but stating my position as a middleman, which I now believe with my friend that I shouldn't have used those words, and then saying I respected her decision not to tell me.
Several hours later, she asks why I care. Now, I didn't want to really deal with this so I told said friend as I felt obligated to do so, and I asked him what to say. He told me exactly what he said and I did. She responded saying she didn't want to seem like a bitch, but told me to stay out of her love life as I have no control over her anymore and we were never really friends and to stay out of her life in a very passive-aggressive tone.
Me and him are chill however as we both think that she doesn't think he likes her and he felt bad for not wanting to burn any bridges but I said it was fine and we laughed it off.
So Reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
YPVG1X7mjd2DldGfQxcmw6h3CXczWAyS
|
alk022
|
{
"description": "being upset that my friend didn't encourage me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for being upset that my friend didn't encourage me?
|
I'll preface this by saying that I have moderately low self-esteem, and I have struggled with the idea that I won't be successful for a long time. I didn't come from a well off family like most of my college friends did, and I often feel, whether justly or unjustly, that I have not been afforded the same opportunities that they have throughout our lives.
I was talking with a friend earlier, and I found out that one of her parents is a high level executive at a HUGE company, one of those companies that everybody has heard of. This is, unfortunately, quite common among my friends, because we went to a pretty wealthy school that I was only able to attend because of a hefty scholarship and tens of thousands of dollars of debt to repay.
This, admittedly, makes me feel rather insignificant, because nobody in my family has ever been in that kind of position, or had that kind of money, but many of my friends have lived this way for all or most of their lives.
My friend knows how I feel about this. It's not really a secret. I was already feeling a bit down and I said "Wow, I'd really love to have a position like that. I'm just not sure I'll ever be able to do it... Do you think I'll ever get there?"
She replied "I don't know," and that was it. Nothing about "if you work hard..." or "I think you could," or even "if you play your cards right." Just "I don't know." I asked what she meant and she just said "nobody can see the future. I'm not going to lie and say that I think you'll make it"
Okay? In my mind, this is a clear opportunity to try to encourage me when I'm feeling like a complete nobody, and she turned it around to say "ehh you might make, it you might not, who cares?"
Was she being brutally honest and I just need to accept it?
TL;DR I'm in a much worse financial situation than my friend, which makes me sad. I asked if she ever thinks I could be in a position that would give me a good financial situation, and she said she didn't know because nobody can see the future.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
5dWHOUnPn0NQa0YFTxYDBuPR9LWGBs6b
|
ba2n4s
|
{
"description": "not caring when my mom cries",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not caring when my mom cries.
|
I used to care when she cried but I got desensitized, she cries over anything and everything, if I'm late to dinner, if I don't come home for a few days, if I say something she doesn't agree with.
One time I was talking to my grandfather about palastine and terrorism there when she suddenly came out of nowhere and started screeming that I'm a trator and that I should be ashamed of myself, she started crying and when I tried to exit the house she said that If I exit the house she'll never talk to me again, 2 days later I get a call from my mom telling me to get eggs, she's been like this for a really long time and therapy isn't an option.
She says I'm not her son anymore, and then asks me to come help her with setting the table 2 hours later as if nothing happened. My approach right now is to be as blunt as possible, if she cries I tell her that she isn't helping anyone and that I don't care (this is pretty assholish in my opinion, but I don't know what else to do), if she says that I'm not her son I ignore her for a couple of weeks, she has my sisters and aunts around her so it's not a big deal if I leave and they all hate me anyway because I decided to study abroad and am planning to start a family abroad.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ygwIR0baGA8nRsuDnxnkaBMwPpRgWxx8
|
av4g1b
|
{
"description": "not wanting my husband's exwifes name on my living room wall",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my husband's exwifes name on my living room wall?
|
Throwaway because I know this is a specific circumstance and anyone in his family could find my account through this post. On mobile and so on..
So I kind of waver between feeling like an asshole and feeling like I'm justified in my feelings so your opinions would be greatly appreciated! Maybe I just need some more insight.
Recently my husband has been interested in his family tree. He found an old tree his grandmother had drawn up going back to 1980s. She did this on her own without telling anyone and now that hes found it the family is shocked. She had so much information and it was pretty detailed according to what info she could get. But she died before my husband was married so his exwifes name isnt filled in. Now I figured this is a historic piece meant to record their genealogy, fill her name (ex wife) and my(new wife) name in and our kids accordingly to maintain accuracy. I didnt have any issue nor did I think I should have a say as this was his family tree not mine.
However then he says he wants make a new tree of his own with only going a few generations back and have it framed and placed in our living room as a centre peice. I asked if he would include his exwifes name on there and he said it has to because that's the way his grandmother did it so it needs to be that way. So it would look like husbands name on the very top then exwife under him and would get a 1.name and I would get a 2.name under her. I told him if her name is on it. It's not going up in the living room.
I dont really know this woman I have no issues with her but damn I feel like I should get to be the one beside him on a plac inside our home? I dont really understand why ours has to include her when it's just for decoration while there is an accurate one being held for their family.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
o8SRKTAu1yRfFDuT8ljGvHzGciozQ1Ju
|
asjqcs
|
{
"description": "dating someone a friend has pined over for years",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dating someone a friend has pined over for years?
|
Right after Thanksgiving, I (15 M) was added to an Instagram group chat by my long-distance best friend, Olivia (16 F), containing her hometown friends. I hit it off with all of them unbelievably quickly, and soon, this group chat began to take up almost all of my free time - I would send memes, make FaceTime calls, and spend hours discussing similar interests with these people. Being added to the group chat came at a good time: I go to a small high school, and I didn't honestly feel like I fit in with all of my friends. This group chat made me feel like I had met people that were exactly like me, so I devoted just about all of my time towards them and made plans with my parents to visit them in their hometown. Over time, more and more people were added - about 25 at the peak. Two of the people I felt the closest with was a boy named James (16 M) and a girl named Allie (16 F).
One day, in mid-December, Olivia told me a little bit about James' past. I found out that he had feelings for Allie - feelings that had been going on for years and years. They had spent just about every waking moment of the summer together, but they never established their relationship to be anything more than a close friendship. As the summer ended, Allie fell head-over-heels for someone else and began a relationship with them, leaving James feeling heartbroken and confused. Allie broke up with her new boyfriend shortly after for unrelated reasons, but the damage had already been done to their friendship.
Fast-forward to last month: Allie and I start talking privately, and we become very close very quickly. After three or so weeks of talking into the early hours of the morning, Allie's best friend Sarah realizes that we both have feelings for one another, and confronts us about it. We decide to start dating - we determine that we like each other so much that it's worth giving a try despite the fact that we live so far away. I ask both Allie and Sarah if I should talk to James about the relationship, but they tell me that it would be best to wait until he's gotten over Allie. Because they know him better than I do, I take their advice and don't talk to him about it.
Eventually, James finds out and promptly leaves the group chat. I ask Allie and Sarah again if I should talk to him, but they reaffirm that it would be too upsetting for him to discuss things with me, so I don't. Soon thereafter, Olivia finds out about James and is furious that I hadn't said anything to him. I realized my mistake and profusely apologized but it was too late, and he ignored me. Since then, I've left the group chat, Olivia hasn't talked to me in a month, James has blocked me on Instagram, and a large number of his close friends have done the same. Olivia said that the friend group was crumbling because of me and I honestly don't know if it's my fault or not. AITA?
**TLDR:** I started long-distance dating a girl, a friend that liked her found out, so now everyone is angry at me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
HwPBLl37NhjJUQvxbBBAwtLudaep8Pdr
|
a7q7ck
|
{
"description": "going on a vacation that excluded my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for going on a vacation that excluded my boyfriend?
|
TL;DR My friends didn't want my boyfriend to join us on a vacation although he hangs out with us regularly. Although I knew this hurt my boyfriend's feelings, I went on the vacation with them. Am I the asshole?
​
To celebrate our college graduation last year, four of my friends and I planned to go on a week-long trip to Denmark (right next door for us). We would rent out a vacation home, play silly college kid games and just have a good time before a couple of us moved out of town to pursue grad school.
​
For the past 2-3 years, we had all been friends who regularly hung out together. Other people from our classes would occasionally join us, but we five were the 'core' group of friends who all studied the same subject. For the last year or so before the trip, my boyfriend (then of nearly 6 years) would also more often than not join in. My friends made it clear that he was always invited to things we did together. Whenever my friend Max's long-term girlfriend was in town, she would come too.
​
So when my friends and I first started discussing the trip, I asked if it would be alright for my guy to come along. I assumed it would be fine but to my surprise, my friends didn't want him to come. What particularly surprised me was that they *unanimously* were against him coming. The reasoning they gave was that they wanted it to be only people from our university class (my boyfriend was also a student, but different major). I thought this was kind of silly and argued against it. Here is roughly the discussion that followed:
​
I said that I would be fine with it if anyone else brought their SOs, and there was no reason to exclude someone who hung out with us regularly. Max said his girlfriend couldn't come anyway, plus he didn't want couples to be "canoodling on holiday." This despite the fact that two members of our friend group were dating and definitely canoodled at one point or another.
​
I then argued that the house had plenty of room for another person (which it did) and would be cheaper for everyone with a 6th person. Max countered that there was no room in the car we were taking for 6 people. This made sense, but when I told my boyfriend, he offered to make his own way to Denmark and just meet us. My friends weren't okay with that either.
​
I then pointed out that it would really hurt his feelings if I went without him, since he wanted to go so badly and would miss out on fun. My friends said that we are adults and should be capable of spending time apart from each other once in a while. Honestly I was shocked at this - my boyfriend and I are both perfectly capable of going to things alone and we are by no means joined at the hip. But I found it mean to not invite him to this large and fun event. I couldn't budge them on it, and although I wasn't satisfied with their reasoning, I was outvoted.
​
It was really a mystery to me. My boyfriend and I are not the type to be all over each other when with friends, so I don't think the problem was really potentially "canoodling on holiday". I had the impression that there was something else not being said, like maybe they just don't like him for some reason? But there had never really been strife between my boyfriend and my uni friends, apart from the occasional drunken spat with Max which was made up for later - and that doesn't explain the unanimous vote against. I really could not understand why they all wanted him left out when he hung out with us so often already.
​
Of course, this whole thing hurt my boyfriend's feelings a lot and I felt like I was in a really tough position. My boyfriend and I love to travel together and I felt like my friends were either being silly or not telling the whole truth about why they didn't want him. Then again, I did want to spend some time with them before I moved away. I seriously considered not going on the trip at all in protest, but ultimately decided to go. My boyfriend is a sweetheart and never asked me not to go - he understood my dilemma - but I know it hurt his feelings that I went with them.
​
After the trip I still am not sure I did the best thing. So, am I the asshole for going on that vacation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
DrFJZl7WpVDuBGEHYV7IA7cl6yXUDGbV
|
b78x7f
|
{
"description": "quitting the job my parents need me for and moving out",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for quitting the job my parents need me for and moving out?
|
Hi, im 19, M from Eastern europe.
My parents own a restaurant that isnt doing too well in the recent 6-7 years and since i graduated high school i started going there as bartender/manager to help because the person that was doing this quit. We have debt to further hold us back so i'm happy to help and work there for less money so we can save up instead of paying more to a stranger.
I've been there for 2 months , first one was ok. The second month things started going downhill for me. With my (probably chronic) insomnia i started feeling worse rapidly, working 5 days straight for 12-14 hours and 3 days off. I sleep way less than needed to stay healthy and its reflecting on my mental state a lot. My last streak of 5 workdays was extremely stressful with average of 4-6 hours of sleep and 3 workdays that exceeded 14 hours.
I mentioned this to my mother on the 3rd day and i asked her if i could get 2 extra hours of sleep the next day and take only half the money i would otherwise because i genuinely dont feel good and i've been almost falling asleep several times a day recently. She escalated it into an argument and said how i was lazy and very irresponsible and all that type of stuff i've been listening to all my life. Interestingly i'm the most average of average dudes on earth. I got tired of all the insults and them always wanting more from me, while getting paid less even tho my main intentions are just to help and not be a burden.
I told her i quit the job. My first day of i woke up in the afternoon and prepared to go out with friends when she burst in and tried to guilt force me to continue working because "i have to" and they have nobody to put in my place. I told her that i simply physically and mentally cannot continue and i need a schedule with either less workhours or more evenly spread workdays and days off. The reply was to find a job and move out ASAP. I said a quiet okay, finished getting ready went out and had a mental breakdown, complete with the yelling and punching the closest thing to me (a tree, ouch).
It hurt me so much to feel so unwanted in this family for so long and always being indirectly told that im just this huge weight and burden to them. I've been through hell with that sort of stuff and i think i've had enough. I'm moving out and finding a new job really soon and i won't care as much as i did 5 days ago about my parents, that fucking restaurant or anything that has to do with them.
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
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RIGHT
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