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|
a12sts
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{
"description": "not driving this person to school",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not driving this person to school?
|
A week or so before Thanksgiving, I let a person who lives in the same hall as me who I occasionally talk to know that if she wanted to hitch a ride back with me back home (she lives in the Bronx and I live on Long Island), to let me know. She told me she bought a bus ticket.
She asked if I could take her back. I told her I could if I stayed at my sister's place or if she could get a ride to Long Island. She said to let her know. The day before thanksgiving I told her I wasn't staying at my sister's. She says "I have the flu" along with stuff like "I didn't want to take the expensive bus but I guess I'm going to". I texted her saying she could always get a ride to LI or somewhere near the highway. No reply. On Thanksgiving saying happy thanksgiving and no reply so I figured she's mad.
I text her the Sunday I get back to school to see if she got back and she wrote a wall of text saying something along the lines of "I'm not talking to u no more. Oo I'm going back Tuesday. how dare you let me take the bus when I have the flu. I had bronchitis and was so sick. You could have just drove to my house since it's on the way. I could have given you gas money", blah blah blah.
I told her I wasn't comfortable stopping from the highway to drive through the bronx to her place even if it was only 10 minutes and that I don't like driving through the city. I wanted to tell her she's being an entitled little kid but instead told her it was silly to be angry because I told her the two options she had if she wanted a ride back but she kept telling me how she asked other peoples opinions and said it made no sense to drive to Long Island to have me pick her up.
She comes from the rich part of Bronx and her family has money so I'm going to assume she's an entitled brat. She's been super rude and shit talking about me to people in my residence hall so I'm kinda glad we're not friends anymore but AITA for not driving this girl back to school?
TLDR: Told girl if she wanted a ride back to school then she'd have to get a ride to LI. She didn't get a ride to LI and got mad at me for not driving to the Bronx to pick her up even though it was on the way (but I don't like stopping for breaks).
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
w56P7L1x5Ex9EAZhwNdNNIbwqQqxTGue
|
a52k4u
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{
"description": "wanting to pay for gifts",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to pay for gifts?
|
This last weekend, I was out shopping for gifts for my girlfriend. I was with my dad who has a history of buying me things as “gifts”, and then later on, whenever he wants something or wants me to do something, holds the fact he bought me those gifts over my head. And it’s not like he said before he bought them he had an expectation that I would do those things. He just bought them for me, then held that over me and guilt me for it. So he offered to pay for the gifts I was buying for my girlfriend, and I decided to just pay myself so he didn’t have any power over me. Saves him money, and saves me the grief knowing there’s no strings attached. And after we left the store he got all pissy saying I was acting weird and shouldn’t have paid for it myself, and that I’m just trying to be an asshole to him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b1zdb4
|
{
"description": "asking my friend to reimburse me for my Uber",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking my friend to reimburse me for my Uber?
|
So to give some backstory, my roommate we'll call him A) and I went to California for spring break. We asked our friend (we'll call him T) to give us a 30 min ride to the airport In A's car. In return, A let T use his car for the week we were gone. He agrees, and drives us to the airport.
The day before we got home, we texted T to ask if he could pick us up from the airport. He agreed and we moved on. Our planned flight got packed, so we had to roll over to a later flight. After a bit of a wait, we got on. About halfway through the flight we get a text from T saying he's too tired and he won't come pick us up. We land around midnight and right away we call T a couple times, but no answer. We start to contact other people trying to scramble for a ride, but everyone we contacted had either been drinking that night, or was asleep.
Eventually, after no word from T, we called an Uber. The Uber turned out to be $45, but we finally made it home around 1:45.
In the morning, I messaged him asking for him to reimburse me. He informed me that that day he had woken up not feeling good (which he never told us) and that after doing us a "big" favor by driving us to the airport. After some argument, he made it clear that he wasn't going to pay us back, and that we were being ridiculous for asking.
Am I the asshole for feeling like he should have stuck to his word, and picked us up? Is it an asshole thing to do to ask for him to reimburse us for the Uber?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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OTHER
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"RIGHT": 6,
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b1fmpt
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{
"description": "refusing to let my brother see our cat's mutilated corpse",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for refusing to let my brother see our cat's mutilated corpse?
|
We live in a rural area, and our one-eyed cat got outside and went missing a few weeks ago. We'd been looking everywhere for her, but we couldn't find her. Well today while I was taking out the trash, I noticed a furball over in the yard and said to myself "God no, please God no" but it was her corpse. I walked over there and she was bloated, seemed alright except for frizzy fur and her back feet were missing. When I picked her up using a garbage bag, her leg bones poked through the plastic.
I went inside and told my parents, then asked my brother to finish up the trash explaining the situation. He got mad and started telling me to let him see the corpse, cussing at me, but I told him no and said he needed to trust me. He's fourteen. My dad agreed and told him not to go look until I'd buried it.
Well come the next day, he's still mad and bumping into me purposefully in the halls and such, speaking to me in single words, and generally acting mean. Should I have let him see the corpse? She was all bloated and torn up by her paws, which we named her for. Socks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 16,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
1YVk3iwU8BAy1cwkLGtTGxkvU4oryQRQ
|
azk98c
|
{
"description": "being angry at my wife",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
AITA for being angry at my wife
|
My wife was diagnosed with BPD about a year and a half after we got married. I had no idea she struggled with her mental health while we were dating or the beginning of our marriage. The signs started to show after we signed on our house.
Fast forward to 2 years later. I’m pissed. She started getting worse mentally, no amount of therapy/treatment was helping. Her needs were impossible to meet. She was having temper tantrums constantly, going between telling me she hates me and I’m the worst thing ever to telling me how good I am to her and how lucky she is. Finally after one night of being woken up at 3 am to her erratic shit, I told her I couldn’t do this anymore and I wanted to move out. She left the room, came back, threw back a bottle of pills and swallowed. I called 911. She never showed any symptoms of overdose. Later, she told me and her doctor that there were only 3 pills in the bottle, she didn’t actually want to die, she knew three pills wouldn’t hurt her, she was just acting out for attention. It was an act of manipulation.
That was two months ago. She he’s been in residential treatment center for about a month now, she has two months left. I’m so angry that she couldn’t pull it the fuck together. I’m at home with our two young kids alone, drowning between taking care of them and keeping my job, while she’s “learning to cope” with life.
She has it made. I make good money. She doesn’t work. The kids are in daycare full time. We have a housekeeper. I treated her like gold, she had my constant attention, affection, and got anything she wanted. What the fuck does she need help coping with?
The coordinator of her care sends me messages about what her days consist of. Therapy, yoga sessions, meditation, activities like arts and crafts, evening group outings to the movies. She’s on an insanely expensive vacation because she’s too weak minded to handle life as an adult and I’m fucking angry about it.
I’m not being nice to her right now. I’m not being mean either, I’m mostly ignoring her. It’s not great for her treatment but I don’t give a fuck about that right now. I spent years coddling, spoiling, and placating her I’m done. I can’t handle speaking to her. I’m disgusted by her at this point.
I want to move out, but I can’t because of the kids. Since my wife is too crazy to deal with her own self that makes me the sole caretaker for our kids, so I need to stay in the house. I want for her to go somewhere else when she gets out of her treatment, I don’t want her to come back here. The coordinators of her care/her doctor don’t like that idea. They told me that she’s not ready to know I’m mad at her, they will need to pull in a family therapist to mediate that. They told me I need to have compassion when talking to her, so I stopped talking to her. My wife is so off that I can’t tell her that I’m angry with her for her terrible, adolescent behavior without a third party present to make her “feel okay about it.” She’s pathetic.
AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 27
}
|
WRONG
|
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|
azzyxc
|
{
"description": "telling my friend that his grades would improve if he does his work",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I told my friend that his grades would improve if he does his work?
|
Me (18M) and my friends (17-18) are all high school seniors. A few days ago at lunch, one of my friends, Eli (18M) was complaining about how he has two Ds right now.
The thing is, he never does his homework. He often complains about doing homework and either forgets or chooses not to do it. He likes to copy other people's homework and take credit for it as if it were his own work. He has no learning disabilities, so seems to be choosing not to make much of an effort in school.
WIBTA if I were to tell him that his grades are his own fault and that he could easily fix them? I'm sick of having him mooch off of other people's work (especially mine) and then complain that the grade he received wasn't good enough when he, quite frankly, doesn't deserve a better grade because he doesn't even try. WIBTA for telling him this?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
6ynGTu75luK2X6He0SqPmGWHgwLmJsuC
|
b6slst
|
{
"description": "freaking out on my friends gf",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Freaking Out On My Friends GF?
|
I'm M23, and she's F21. I'm a short guy like 5'5 and the butt of a lot of jokes, only from my friends GF. She is actually pretty mean to me and says some messed up things, I bought a nice car and she says I'm over compensating for something. We go out to eat and I get the wrong order, politely ask for the right one and she says I have a napolean complex whatever that is. Just small jabs like this but for the past year its pretty crazy, my friend has asked her to stop but she thinks its funny and keeps doing it. The final tipping point was when I moved into a new place last saturday and invited a few friends over to chill and check the place out. She came with my friend and said something like "why did you get such a nice place? Its not like you're ever gonna bring a girl back here". I just told her to shut the fuck up and get out of my place, and told her she's a bitch. She left in tears with my friend saying sorry to me and following her out.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
68g0ng8FzOSQxD46Y1QAA4lRmtp7kMtA
|
b7ea0n
|
{
"description": "asking my mom to change the voice mail greeting from my deceased dads greeting",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my mom to change the voice mail greeting from my deceased dads greeting?
|
So my dad passed away more than a year ago now. The relationship(s) with him were rocky at best. Of the family I probably had the least positive relationship with him. I know my mom loved him, sometimes I wondered why, but she did.
My mom is spotty in answering her cell, especially when she is home
She helps me a ton with my kids since we live very close
This means we talk all the time and multiple times a week I call her house phone.
She screens her calls 90% of the time.
When I call I hear in dead dads voice "This is the (OP last name) residence....."
It creeps me the hell out and brings back things better left buried.
I understood for awhile but now it's been close to 18 months and I really wish she would change it.
So.... WIBTA to ask her to?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
3rruIX30OGl8dJOSnsEHTiIdKNlMbk5Y
|
b7whp4
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed when my wife's family invites us over for dinner",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA by getting annoyed when my wife's family invites us over for dinner?
|
So, this has been an ongoing thing for a bit with my wife's parents and her brother and his wife. I get along with all of them well enough I suppose. Anyway, we'll get an invite to go over to my brother in law's for supper. I assume this means they're inviting us over and they're cooking. Sure enough, when we get there, he says hes tired and we're doing UberEats. This happens almost every time, or my wife just cooks and brings it over. We've had them over, and my wife cooks, and we pay for all of the food obviously.
Tonight, my mother in law invites us over for supper, but my wife does all the cooking. I'm more than grateful for the cooking, but I'm annoyed that we have to pay for it.
Anyway, I told my wife that I found it pretty annoying that every time we get invited over, either she has to cook, or we have to pay for some takeout. That never happens when people come to our place. She just said she's fine with it, and it's more about spending time with family. I said I'm fine with that part, but I'm annoyed that it's just an expectation that we have to pay out of pocket every time we do it. She thinks I'm overreacting, and doesnt really want to talk about it. Am I being petty or would you be kind of annoyed as well?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 31,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
eh2cPVKmfskjBdWu0jnVgq9TSxS7ughr
|
b8tpnx
|
{
"description": "being angry at my friend after she ditched me for a date",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being angry at my friend after she ditched me for a date
|
So me and my friend have known each other since we were in kindergarten and when the Marvel movies started coming up we were really into it so we would always watch them together, and we still do or we did until very recently, obviously we are very excited for Avengers Endgame.
My friend started dating a girl in the beginning of the year and she really likes Marvel too which is nice because he sometimes brings her along when we hang out and that is something we can always talk about. Yesterday I was talking to my friend and asked what time he wanted to watch Avengers Endgame since we were going in the in the premiere day and we have to buy the tickets ahead of time. He texted me saying that he couldn’t go with me because he is going with his girlfriend as a date. I was enraged, I couldn’t believe he would ditch our tradition that has lasted almost 10 years for a date with a girl he met recently.
I told him how angry I explained why and he said I was being childish and that I could go watch it without him. I got really pissed and I feel really betrayed by this, I have been looking forward to this for more than a year and now he ruined a lot of the experience for me because hanging out with him was also part of the experience for me.
AITA for being angry at him for ditching me for his girlfriend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
xgunavBOra1M1eFNljHUqsNl6utu0LTi
|
ax36pt
|
{
"description": "not going to friend of 10+ years' wedding",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going to friend of 10+ years’ wedding?
|
I’ve been out of contact with my friend, A, for a handful of months now but I have been reflecting on it lately and want your opinion.
First a little history. “A” had been my best friend for 10+ years, but never really hit it off with my husband. “B” has been my husbands best friend for 10+ years, and is also a close friend of mine. B and I have been close since my husband and I started dating 8 years ago, and he was the one who we credit with giving my husband the confidence to ask me on our first date. To add a bit of spice to the story, A and B briefly dated in high school. It ended pretty badly, but they have since reconciled and remained in contact. Both are your stereotypical “Type A” personalities.
So, let’s get started. In 2017, A planned her wedding for July 31st of 2019. She decided not to have any bridesmaids as her fiancé has social anxiety and doesn’t really have any friends, and she didn’t want to put him in an uncomfortable position (I think this was sweet of her). Fast forward 1 year to 2018 and B has planned his wedding for, you guessed it, July 31st of 2019. He was aware of A’s date but this date is significant in his family (his sister, mom, grandma, etc all were married on this date).
My husband was asked to be the best man in B’s wedding, and I was asked to be a bridesmaid. I was torn, because I love them both and wanted to go to both weddings. I wanted to stand in B’s wedding, but knew that this meant I’d miss all of A’s, something I was unwilling to do. (It helps to add here that B’s fiancé has been very sweet and understanding about the situation). My husband had never been close with A, and since he was asked to be best man he would have stayed at B’s wedding for the duration, but supported me and would have stood by whatever decision I made.
I considered my decision for a long time, and decided that I would turn down B’s fiancé, and do my best to attend as much of both weddings as I could. I knew I would have to miss a portion of one or the other, but that seemed to be the best solution. Having decided this, before making anything official, I went to A for advice. When I brought the dilemma to her, before I could even get any part of my decision out, she hit me with an ultimatum. “All or none”. I stay for her whole wedding and skip B’s, or I don’t go at all. I chose none, and we haven’t spoken since. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
acwnhv
|
{
"description": "not letting my boyfriend eat in my car",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my boyfriend eat in my car?
|
Me (23F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been dating nearly 3 years at this point and I could still count on one hand the number of big disagreements we’ve ever had this being one of them.
Anyway, a few months ago i purchased a NEW car with my own money from my first job out of college (nothing fancy but it’s still new). I take really really good care of it and would like it to stay nice for as long as possible cause it’s kinda my baby.
So I made a few rules right when I bought it one of them being never to eat in it. My boyfriend got offended that I made this rule and while he (mostly) respects it, he gets kinda annoyed every time I bring it up. His main argument is that “he’s not a child” and knows how to eat without spilling anything, and that it’s inconvenient not to eat in it when we get fast food (it gets cold) or go on long road trips etc. (I’ll add that my old car was a junker that we ate in all the time. We also ride together a good bit so this IS a change.) I know he respects my car and would clean anything up if he DID spill, but AITA for continuing to enforce this rule?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 24,
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"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
m5OsND2qdmBWgn2YRuK627PlPNzQ3hKo
|
at7o77
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend because of my health issues",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I break up with my boyfriend because of my health issues?
|
Now, when I say "health" I mean my skin. I have issues that a doctor is yet to find the reason of. My skin, especially on my face will go bright red, sore and will swell up so there's no real hiding it. I don't go outside and I don't like seeing anybody while my skin messes up like this. It's embarrassing and it just kinda messes with me a little. It annoys me a lot and I take it out on people because I feel like it's not fair, even though it's no one's fault.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now. He knows about my skin issues and they don't bother him but I ask him to not come visit me. This basically means we rarely see each other because I don't want him around while I'm like this. He is very clingy. He wants my constant attention and when we're together in person, he always has to be right next to me and almost always touching me (holding hands, having an arm around me etc.) And I can't stand it. I don't want to be touched but he does it anyway.
As I said, we rarely see each other and I know he hates not being able to see me. I feel awful for it but I can't help not wanting anyone around. I feel like if I broke up with him, he wouldn't be on his own every day with hope that he'll be able to come over soon when I don't want him here.
Typing this out and reading back on it, I know it probably sounds really dumb or maybe I'm not clear on a few things but WIBTA if I broke up with my boyfriend so I could try and focus on getting myself better without feeling bad that I'm ignoring my him all the time?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
APyflEitRZJWQKjFDGnYSXmRT3B3ZBLB
|
ay1boh
|
{
"description": "moving on from a relationship quickly",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for moving on from a relationship quickly?
|
The past two months have been pretty drama-filled among me and my various friend groups, sides have been taken, all that petty bs. All of it stemmed from my actions coming out of a relationship. This girl (19f) and I (20m) were together for about a year and a half. Things were great for the first year or so, but then we started to have some issues that ultimately ended in her breaking it off with me. Both of us knew it's probably what was best, but she was the one to make the final decision, and we ended things rather amicably.
That being said, I struggled initially as I had grown quite accustomed to the relationship and was at a loss now that it wasn't there anymore. My emotional state was probably the worst it's ever been, and my doctor put me on Xanax when needed for about a week and a half immediately following the initial onset. After the first week of having my emotions regulated and viewing the situation from mostly a logical standpoint, I came to grips with the fact that we had a *very* unhealthy relationship. My life improved, I had more motivation to do things for myself, etc. I made a tinder a few weeks after we broke up, and matched with this girl I had had an English class with a year or so ago. On our first date, it turns out that this new girl (NG) had recently met with my ex through a mutual friend, and they were now part of a friend group. They weren't really friends, more like acquaintances, at least according to what NG told me. I figured it wasn't a big deal since my ex broke up with me, and they weren't good friends. We continued going on dates periodically, and we eventually decided that neither of us really wanted to get into a *serious* relationship right now as we were both fresh out of long-term relationships. And then it got out that we were "seeing" each other, and that's when things went south.
My ex refused to talk to me for a few days, and was very upset with me, claiming that what I did was disrespectful to our relationship, and proved to her that the time I spent with her meant nothing. This obviously isn't the case; I loved this girl so much, but things just didn't work out and I was okay with that. This led into a few weeks of drama consisting of their friend group telling NG to just stop talking with me, and them eventually just straight up not talking with NG anymore.
Jump ahead about two weeks, and it gets out that NG and I had made out w each other after one of our dates a few weeks prior. Everything had started to calm down, but this really just made everything flare up again. It's something I regret as I think it was something I did just because I missed the physical intimacy of a relationship, and wouldn't do it again if I was given the chance.
That being said, I believe that my actions weren't asshole-y as she was the one to end the relationship. Isn't it my choice as to when I'm over the relationship and ready to move on?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 10,
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}
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OTHER
|
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}
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RIGHT
|
kKPMv37KT3sSfcCXZkz9CINxIyWsWcaK
|
9vf26p
|
{
"description": "screaming at my sister",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for screaming at my sister
|
my sister is 14, im 19. she has always been very nasty to me. I was having a good day and i came home from work, i saw that we got a new couch and i go to sit on it she tells me, patronizing me like she does all the time. Dont you even sit here with all your nasty germs. she was very nasty. something in me just snapped and i screamed. "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING TO!I AM YOUR BROTHER! Shes the kind of person that would bump into you in the hallway, yell dont touch me, and start swinging at you. but AITA for yelling at her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
8R4JbtEgn5NPOtieyf64L3o4qICji5yD
|
alucuf
|
{
"description": "making my bf angry for trying to get him back in shape",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for making my bf angry for trying to get him back in shape?
|
My bf and I have been together for 3 years. He was in pretty good shape when we met, but shortly after getting together he let himself go. Which I know is normal since you're getting comfortable around your partner, really didn't mind it the first year. But now he reached a point where I'm like...please please please, get back in shape. And he agrees. And he does want to get back in shape!
However, he lacks of consistency and discipline, which is indeed the hardest part in any fitness journey, took me a while as well. But since we've been together I learned a lot about nutrition and working out, and I got in good shape over time. So yea, opposites and stuff.
Anyways, my thought process here is that I'm actually able to help to get him back in shape. But it feels like he got an excuse everytime for having another cheat day or skipping the workout once again. Patience and sympathy only last so long before you start getting frustrated.
In fact, all those empty promises of 'finally starting to get back in shape' started to make me being so mean towards him, to a point where I can be a huge fkin bitch...or behave like a full fledged mother, being all like "you can't do that, you can't eat this etc".
Of course that started to make him more frustrated as well. Like when he says "I want to have some beers tonight, so I'll workout tommorow instead of today (like scheduled)" on like a Wednesday, it drives me near insanity because I know that if I let him have those beers, he still won't do the workout tommorow, and he will most certainly have another excuse the next day, till it's the weekend where I try not to say anything.
He also usually complains that all I do is restrict him of having fun in his life and I see his point. It's his life not mine, and he's an adult, not a teenager. I shouldn't mother him like that, yet I want to...like downright force him to stop being so godamn inconsistent and get him finally, like for real finally back in shape.
So, am I the asshole for being like that towards him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
nYpHZ4N9aOiLpde8jd8uryqmpUZwfuBl
|
ae08wm
|
{
"description": "not wanting to include a friend in my group",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to include a friend in my group
|
Now before I start I just wanna say I am very social and I do talk to people even if I know very little about them. However, with two jobs and school; I keep my circle small for the sake that I do not have a lot of time. Being that I do not have a lot of time I try to invest the little time I have into a couple good friends around me.
After high-school we all kinda have the same story right? We try to keep up with people we kinda know but with school and work they eventually fade and only the people you are really close with stay. That is how it is for my one friend, who will be known as Steve for this story. Me and Steve go way back and have been able to build a bond as close as brothers. One day me and Steve were chilling and we see our high-school friend who will be known as George. George was cool with everyone but we were not really close,he kinda annoyed me sometimes because of his tendency to roast people for no reason. I do not really get angry at people roasting me it's just that sometimes I wanna chill and relax without having to think of a comeback for your stupid jokes. This is probably the reason I did not really keep up with him after high-school.
To continue, we met up with George at the mall and Steve and I said what-sup. Just for context Steve and George use to work at a local shoe store, but Steve is an immigrant and something went wrong with his paperwork so he could not work at the place. George still works there and was on break for that very shoe store so Steve asked if we could tag along so he could ask managers if he could come back because his papers were up to date again. I hang out with him and it was all good and fun but he starts roasting my shoes, my dress style, and even how much weight I gained. I don't really care and I just take it on the chin and just move on. He convinces Steve for all of us to chill another day ,so I go with it.
Steve planned to chill really early however he had to drive his family everywhere because he is the only one who could drive in his home. So George wants to chill but I do not wanna be an asshole so I gave him a chance. I pick him up and he is listening to music in my car which I find pretty rude but hey it is his life. I ask if he wants lunch and he recommends a chicken place so we go. I ordered after him and he grabs a seat and I have no clue where he is. After 5 minutes of looking around I finally find him. He is kinda sitting there with a annoyed look on his face. I ask whats wrong and he constantly keeps repeating how Steve bailed on the plans. I kinda just shrug it off then I get my food and George food does not come. He is getting really impatient but I wait it out because my family raised me on waiting for the other person to eat first. He gets so angry with me and keeps saying "EAT YOUR FOOD" I reject it because I wanna wait. He keeps yelling and even yells at the chicken store employees. He gets his food and gets another free meal which he uses. I usually offer a bit of my food to other people whether it be fries or a piece of my cookie. This man ate two meals all by himself. Fast forward to the night and Steve finally meets up with us. George and Steve are hitting it off and they suggest on George Birthday to go to Vegas. Im like ehh Vegas not for me. I get a stone face looked from George. To continue I am kinda distant with Steve because I feel like I have to hang out with George and I do not feel like being forced to hang out with someone is a fun day.
So reddit what should I do? Am I an asshole? Or am I just over reacting?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
w5Yq7f80j6C1mfzHm0ArpC84HiEiThE8
|
b5wst1
|
{
"description": "reconsidering my immature boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For reconsidering my immature boyfriend?
|
Im a year older than my 20M boyfriend. Weve been together just under a year. I dont know if its the rose coloured glasses syndrome but I am starting to see that my bf lacks general life skills (washes dishes in cold water, no idea what a credit score is, does things half assed, etc). We have argued about it many times. The last time was over him half assing a few chores and I re-did the chores (this isnt a case of "my way or the highway" but right v wrong). He said some things that made me rethink my being with him.
His first defense "I didnt have to do those chores" (we dont live together).
Sure. What about when we live together? Its still not ok to half-ass chores so that dishes are left greasy and the dogs mess still reeks after he "cleaned" them.
He then said "sometimes i forget how to wash dishes, ok?". I was dumbfounded and the only thing i could say was "how old are you"? He told me that me saying this hurt his feelings. I just dont get it. He acts like a spoiled child.
However, after the argument he admitted he was indeed a brat. He has been trying to grow up. I cant deny it. He took my trash out and washed the dishes in my sink the other day without me asking.
AITA for being upset with how he reacted to my arguments? AITA because I dont want to be his mom, even though he really is trying (for the time being) to do better?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
eULy8Jl9Cts7VfokrFCCOJweQTGbAGLz
|
a3rboo
|
{
"description": "moving and ignoring my roommate's request",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for moving and ignoring my roommate’s request?
|
I currently live with two roommates, A and B in a really crappy apartment. We’re all girls in STEM in our early 20’s, I’m a chemist whose job keeps me out of the house 6:30am-4:00pm, A is a master’s student who has to be in lab 9:00am-6:00pm, and B is a second-year med school student. I primarily take care of the apartment since my work doesn’t follow me home so I’m the sole cleaner of the living areas, bathroom, and I’ll do a deep clean in the kitchen every once in a while since my roommates generally clean up after themselves there. I overall don’t mind this role much, if I had my own place I would have to clean these areas anyway, and living with roommates is a lot cheaper.
Our apartment has a bad mice infestation (I’ve had one crawl up my leg sitting on the couch, the most we’ve seen out at once is 6, mouse poop everywhere). We can’t control the heat and even though the landlord says it’s at 72F it sits around 60F, our electricity is horrible; our lights flicker daily at 7:00 pm and whenever we use any other electricity, and if we use the microwave or dishwasher with anything else there’ll be a power out. This past month we found out there’s no certificate of occupancy for this apartment and when confronting the landlord about it, she said she can’t fix and agreed to break the lease. B had the condition that she could only move if it’s after her exam on (Monday) December 17th, and before late January because it’ll be too close to her STEP exam in June. A can’t move after December 19th because she is flying across the country to see her family until mid-January, and once she comes back, can’t move until after late January because she has her MCAT exam. My roommates had no time to find a new place therefore it was my job to find one, and again, I didn’t mind because I would be looking for a place regardless. I toured a bunch of houses, picked the top two, and asked my roommates when they would want to see them to set up the times. B ended up not being able to make it but said she trusts us to pick out a house. A and I both loved one of the houses, it’s on the first floor (which is nice compared to our 3rd floor walkup) and is $100 cheaper each per month.
The plan was for my dad and brother to drive 6 hours up to help move us, rent a truck, and fix anything needed in our new apartment. We planned on moving the 17th rights after B’s test. However, this plan fell apart last week when I realized that I couldn’t take that day off work and neither could my brother or A, so we could only move after 6:00pm with only me, A, B, and my boyfriend. We are definitely not strong enough to carry the furniture down three flights so we would have to hire movers which we cannot afford. B was freaking out about a different test that was coming up in 3 days to the point where she could not drop off the rental application, contact her cosigner, or sign the agreement breaking the lease. Whatever, we dropped it off for her and waited till after for her to sign and contact. During this time, A’s two guy friend offered to lend us their truck and help move us out on (Saturday) the 15th (they can’t during the week because they work and use the truck), my dad and brother can come up, and A and I both are free all day. We told B after her test that this was the new plan, and since she’ll be studying all day we can either pack, mover her stuff, and unpack for her (in one day, so she would wake up and leave one house and come home to a different house and go to sleep), or she can move herself after her test. All the living room and dining room furniture in the house is mine so I take responsibility for that, and we also have to move our bedroom furniture as well.
B completely freaked out on us. She said it was her only request to not move before the 17th, we don’t understand how stressful her tests are, and we are not being considerate of the position she’s in. She said she won’t be moving on the 15th but she’s coming to the house we’re moving into to choose which room she wants so it will be suitable for her to study in (um no). She said she had to drop $100’s on STEP and she can’t afford time or money to move in the first place, and said if she knew we were going to do this to her he would get a studio (which go for about $200 more a month). We continuously explained that she doesn’t have to move anything if she doesn’t want to, she’ll be saving $700 for the remainder of our lease in rent money, and all the help we are getting is free (compared to renting a truck and hiring people). Or if she doesn’t want any of her stuff moved till after her test she can move herself once she’s done. Still, B is pissed that we lied to her (unintentionally) and are not following her one request. She also brought up that I had friends over the night before a test on Halloween (she didn’t tell us she had a test until I asked if my roommates wanted to go out with me and 4 friends that came over prior. They were only over for an hour beforehand to eat pizza and walk to the bar. B stayed at her aunt’s house that night regardless) even though she had 3 dinner parties with 10+ people without telling us at all beforehand and didn’t cleanup for over a month until we started cleaning up her stuff for her.
AITA for not sticking to the original move date and not following my roommate’s request?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
C3jluBXpCMtrEn8bfxLpTjq08HknukZX
|
b3wvte
|
{
"description": "sometimes not picking up my dog's poop",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 45
}
|
AITA for sometimes not picking up my dog’s poop
|
My dog has a habit of mostly only wanting to poop on bushes. When this happens I don’t pick up the poop for two reasons.
1) it goes to the bottom of bush and I don’t want to stick my hand in there because of spiders and it’s hard to reach
2) when it does stay on top, part of the poop ends up falling a little lower and in my attempt to get it I get poop on my hand from the leaves that have poop on them
Because of this, I’ve resorted to just leaving the poop when he does on a bush. I feel like an asshole and that any day a neighbor will see me, report me, and I’ll get fined. My fiancée says I am not, that she does the same thing. So Am I am asshole for not picking up my dog’s poop when it’s on a bush?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
OFMnZTHnA4lM3Ez9wx153wYm4GdQi8HN
|
avzyxt
|
{
"description": "avoiding a work colleague",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for avoiding a work colleague?
|
I work in a call centre and we sit in teams of about 10. My teams turnover rate is quite high (we've had 4 people fired because they just can't do the job and 2 walk out because they're young and cba with a full time job) so basically about 2 months a girl joined our team.
At the start I didn't really mind her because there was 3 other girls besides me and her so we would all sit together on lunch and stuff but now two have left and one walked out so it's just me and her and because I was moved, I sit closer to her so I'm not so excluded from the other guys.
So basically where the whole avoiding thing comes in is that, she talks a lot. I have nothing against people that talk a lot but it's what she talks about.
We have very different interests and while I was open to discussing the things she likes, it's gotten to the point where I really can't listen to the same thing 800 times.
So examples are the new marvel movie is coming out and she doesn't stop talking about and no one in our team really like superhero stuff that much.
She talks about comic books all the time and tries to find a way to bring up at any point. Like she'll stand at her desk and read them so everyone can see.
She's going on holidays and I know about every single one, where's going, how long, what she's doing, who's she's meeting etc
She talks about how she lived away in this certain country and whenever someone even mentions it, she's immediately butting into the conversation
It's gotten to the point where I leave later for work so I can avoid having to walk up a hill with her because it's ten minutes of her just talking at me and her not even asking me about anything in my life.
A few other members of the team and I now take our lunch later so we can avoid her and when she talks to me, I don't really acknowledge her. I think she is a nice girl but I also think it's kinda rude how she is and how everything needs to get brought back to her.
I basically know her whole life story and I don't think she's ever even asked me one question about myself.
Idk AITA though?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
mTsFqUoAk7WQHDoxT8YG0ijHoNnHb8YI
|
axeeye
|
{
"description": "apologizing for being racist",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I apologize for being racist?
|
Many years ago in college I was watching a movie with my Japanese friend, and it had some really racist depictions of Japanese people in it. She says "this is racist" (because it was) but I was an idiot and tried to defend the movie trying to say "It's ok because XYZ" (to a fucking Japanese person who said it was racist.) The problem is I don't know if it's right or not to apologize because 1.) It was like, 15 years ago. 2.) I'm not super close with this person, we're FB friends but I haven't seen her much since graduation. 3.) Maybe I'm just being selfish/more racist by wanting to apologize to make myself feel better when it would just be weird and awkward for her? I also have no idea how I would bring it up with her without sounding like a crazy person. I feel like it's probably best to accept that I fucked up and try to do better, but I keep thinking about this. If I apologized, am I the asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
r8oxmK6lWQlr7QoaGKJEWRPkeIlo6vvH
|
b973js
|
{
"description": "not wanting a copy of the shirt I wanted",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting a copy of the shirt I wanted?
|
For my birthday, I asked my mom for a shirt of a game I like. When I opened it up, I realized something about it was off. The shirt I got was of much lower quality, it looked like the design on the shirt turned into a PNG and put on the middle of a shirt of similar color. The real shirt has the design completely filling the shirt, it's all the same color, there's a little easter egg inside the shirt, and is made out of better material. After asking, she revealed she got someone else to take the image (through a process she calls "buying the vinyl", which allegedly details calling the company to purchase a copy of the image, giving the printer the rights to use the image wherever, which I have found no proof of existing) and put it onto a shirt. This subsequently started a fight between us about it.
​
I don't like that she did this, because (unless "buying the vinyl" is a real thing) the original creator of the game (a small indie game, so it's not like this is some massive corporation or anything) isn't getting any money from it. This game is important to me and I want to support them for making it, though I realize it may have been unfair of me to not want the shirt.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
WRONG
|
jksT9qkJzMNs2sVbOGkRVEbjEfBryo2G
|
9vpqs1
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my so because of chronic illness",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for breaking up with my SO because of chronic illness?
|
We have been together for about 5 or 6 years. About 4 years ago she got super sick, fibromyalgia, and some other nervous system disorder that eludes me atm. She also suffers from chronic asthma and now depression due to her sickness.
I pay the rent and utilities and food, and some of her medical bills. To be blunt she is bleeding me dry. I work 6 days a week, generally 50-60 hours in order to pay for everything. We cant stay in a cheaper apartment because she "needs" to live on the first floor (she lived on second story apartments for years, just doesnt want to deal with stairs). We sleep on a full twin adjustable bed that she complains about all the time, she wants me to spend 3k on an adjustable queen size. She "needs" the air kept at 72 degrees (in florida) for her asthma and it jacks up our utilities (not to mention she leaves fans, lights, TVs, and computers on all day).
Everytime I complain about how much crap and craft supplies she hordes and leaves everywhere she cries and plays the mental illness card. It's getting real old, shes home all day and we constantly look like we just moved in. Top it all off with an almost completely dead bedroom and you can see why I am unhappy.
But then I think about how just about all of it is caused by her chronic illness. How it is very little that she can control and how little choice she has in her circumstances.
I don't want to break up but my happiness is almost non existant since I have to work all the time and spend very little time in the apartment I pay out the nose for. But if I broke up with her, WIBTA? I dont want to get to the point that she can claim common law marriage.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
KMLQ04CsiNBzpurcftDc47zKHpBX56Y2
|
9vdtcd
|
{
"description": "wanting to drink with my friends in Vegas even though I have a boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to drink with my friends in Vegas even though I have a boyfriend?
|
Let me give you the background story first: I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3 and a half years now and would never cheat on him. I don't drink often (maybe once a month) and there have been occasions where I would go to parties with my boyfriend and get super wasted and throw up. The last time I drank with him was on my 21st birthday and I threw up all over his car. He thinks I don't know my drinking limits and can't control myself when I'm drunk, however, when I'm out drinking with friends I never have this problem and am never wasted.
For Thanksgiving break, my friends and I have planned a girls' trip to Vegas and my boyfriend is only letting me have one drink every night that i'm there. We made a deal that depending on how I did on my 21st birthday, he would let me drink more. Well, since I got wasted on my twenty first, he says he doesn't think I should be allowed to drink because he thinks I'm going to get too drunk and do something stupid at the club. I know I should keep my end of the deal but I don't think it's fair that my first trip to Vegas will have to be sober while my friends get to be drunk. Am I the asshole for wanting to drink at Vegas?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
lJyi2pRqmVaCBZGjEVtKAqAI4dMzfs4l
|
b90yzy
|
{
"description": "telling my mom that I thought she was going to pass all her jewelry to me one day",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for Telling My Mom That I Thought She Was Going To Pass All Her Jewelry To Me One Day?
|
So my mom has always had a lot of pretty jewelry that my dad has bought her over the years. I’ve always admired her jewelry. She would occasionally let me look at it growing up but she never really wears the jewelry. Some mother/daughter relationships are like “hey can I borrow that necklace?” And the mom/daughter doesn’t care if they borrow it. That’s never really been our relationship though. The only time she has ever let me wear her jewelry was on my wedding day and she made sure I gave it back to her before the reception was over. It was a nice piece of jewelry so I get it.
Anyways she got to talking to me about how her and my dad just recently updated their will and how I should make a will, etc. I flat out asked if I was going to get her jewelry. I know this is probably an insensitive question, but I wanted to know what her plans were. I don’t want her jewelry because of the monetary value or anything like that. Obviously I think the jewelry is pretty and I figure it’ll be something of my mom’s that I will cherish. Keep in mind, I’m the only daughter also. If I had other sisters I would totally expect her to split it up between us.
She tells me “well, probably not.” And I was kinda hurt and asked what she planned on doing with it. She said “well, now I have granddaughters to think about, too.” And I said that all her grandchildren have moms of their own that will probably be passing their jewelry along to them. She basically thinks I’m just asking for her jewelry in a selfish way and not in a keepsake way. I asked if she was going to give some to her DILs and she said no because she doesn’t trust them with the jewelry.
I ended up saying that there were a few pieces I really loved growing up and if she decides to give me any jewelry then I’d love those pieces (especially the one I wore to my wedding).
It’s been an odd relationship between us at times. One year I was having a tough year due to a break up and my dad bought me some nice earrings for Christmas. This was the first time my parents ever bought me nice jewelry. My mom basically told me flat out that she didn’t agree with him for buying me nice earrings and the next day she went out and bought a pair that looked almost identical to the earrings I got. So I guess I shouldn’t be shocked that she doesn’t want to give me her jewelry.
But I’m wondering if maybe I am the asshole and being entitled for even expecting to receive it in the first place...
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
0FqDGHP0bUu9JrpizFcnQipE10n77Aav
|
a1e4b6
|
{
"description": "eating all of my gf's Cheez-Its",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
AITA for eating all of my gf’s Cheez-Its?
|
We buy a family size to share. I eat probably 3/4ths of them before she gets a chance to touch them that night. She takes remaining to work. I feel badly so I go back to the store and buy a replacement box as consolation. 2 days go by. That box is fair game to me after 48 hrs so guess what, I eat the whole box. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 24
}
|
WRONG
|
JlvXwhDxRxgKEYuTw6NJ534u568QwcRt
|
ao47rx
|
{
"description": "asking my neighbor to move the piano they play for hours a day away from the wall we share in connected housing",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my neighbor to move the piano they play for hours a day away from the wall we share in connected housing?
|
Two teenagers play it for an hour each every day and today I politely asked the mom if they'd consider moving it to another place. She responded that they'd have to rearrange the living room and can hear us sometimes too. And unfortunately that is part of living in a duplex.
Our unit has been vacant for at least a year before us and they've apparently been happy with that. I've lived here for 8 months now and have had enough.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
b2qf8QPUSQKKLTVqj4yUzjE0nnz4erhh
|
b9ziju
| null |
AITA wife pissed off over to go tray
|
AITA
So I was just as Panda Express when we were facing each other, trays kept sliding against each other so I put my tray on another unused table. To which my wife had a look of disgust saying I made her uncomfortable and quit eating?! I tried to be sympathetic but she left to later blow up on me in the car. Am I wrong for feeling this is a petty excuse to act like a bitch?! idk
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
g3K81Kgngpx2IXdNpsO1L7wEaMh1qOwP
|
atvq8y
| null |
AITA Emotions at work.
|
I had an altercation with my boss, primarily caused from another coworker, during this conversation I mentioned that I had learnt to keep emotions from my workplace in order to make decisions with more clarity, my boss retaliated saying he wears his emotions on his sleeve and will never change. Am I the asshole for thinking he's wrong? I truly believe you can't make important business decisions and take any, yet most of it emotionally.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Oov6fbVm8J2TiAXwiAtwBklxmBmmYsRP
|
a07dml
|
{
"description": "yelling at my bipolar uncle",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for yelling at my bipolar uncle?
|
It's Thanksgiving on my mom's side of the family. My uncle (late 30s) is in a bad manic phase, going through the house, starting random projects. After my grandma (who made all the food) says something, he goes into a rage, curses her out, then leaves. He comes back hours later with a 16 year old kid he just met. This feels wrong, so I convince him into letting me take this kid home. I do, and in the process of all of this, miss the other side of my family's Thanksgiving.
The next day, he comes to my restaurant for the first time with the rest of my family. He leaves to buy cigs. This usually means he'll be gone for hours. Now I'm nervous because this is in a small town, you can't act like that here, someone will call the cops, and I don't want him being associated with my business.
When he comes back, it's dinner rush, and he's following me around uncomfortably closely, talking a lot, and then goes in the kitchen to "help". He gets in the way, makes staff uncomfortable, and makes more of a mess.
I'm visibly annoyed at this point and he gets in my face, asking me over and over what I'm mad about and why I'm mad at him. Finally I yell " I'm working! I'm AT WORK. Leave me alone!"
The sets him off, and then he goes to the streets, raging and talking to himself. Since I couldn't leave, I asked a friend to basically babysit him all night until they left town so he doesn't get arrested or ruin our business's reputation.
I know he's sick and was just excited so I feel bad for yelling.
AITA?
Tl;dr
My bipolar manic uncle ruined thanksgiving, came to my restaurant where I yelled at him and then had a friend follow him around and babysit him until he left. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
agll5a6xo249JOtyDjbAIIBMmFJ4aaXD
|
aqp5kd
|
{
"description": "not shoveling my neighbours driveway/parking my car so they have to",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not shoveling my neighbours driveway/parking my car so they have to?
|
Slight background so basically I have these neighbours that have 2 cars both my house and theirs are full of students. We don't own a car but casually borrow a friend's and park it in our driveway. It began one night at 2am when they had a visitor parked way up the joint driveway, we had just gotten a ride back to our house (from the friend with the car we casually borrow and it was in our driveway) so the of the neighbors presumed boyfriends was the one parked way up the driveway and blocked in. He came knocking on our door at 2 am and asked us to move, I was not happy but my friends insisted on moving for him even though he was blocked in by the cars of the house he was at, nevertheless here's the current situation.
I live in Canada and we get a lot of snow and snowplows plow the roads causing big humps at the end of our driveway. If this isn't shoveled and just driven over it becomes hard to shovel. One day one of my roommates shoveled it for the neighbours and passed them on the way in and no thank was given so we decided to not do it for them because of the ignorance. So today I came to my house with the borrowed car and realized I would have to shovel the end of the driveway because the plow had gone by ( both actual driveways have been shoveled just not the end). So I go to shovel and realize the neighbours just pushed through the snow in the middle of the shared driveway so I decided to shovel my half and park at the end so they needed to shovel their side to get in. The neighbour came to the door upset she could not get into her side of the driveway yet my car was not blocking her driveway at all. So am I the asshole for making them shovel theirs?
TLDR: I only shoveled my half of the driveway and made it so they have to shovel theirs
I also have a picture of the driveway and where my car is parked I will post in the comments
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
U4pM6z99QLgCFiqnGlhAih2lVTD2YObP
|
ba59ho
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give my friend my personal information",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give my friend my personal information?
|
In high school, I was good friends with this girl, who I'll call Tiffany. College rolled around and we went to opposite sides of the country, and essentially lost touch, aside for meeting up for a day in junior summer. She was fine when we met up - she had gotten into the party scene, which she was always into in high school, and had some dramatic stories about her roommates. Normal stuff, but after junior year, our correspondences fell off to a series of intermittent texts.
However, these texts were bleak. It seemed like Tiffany's life wasn't going well - she got into some heavy things, and went to jail. I would hear about this in snatches, and whenever I responded, there would be a long period of nothing before she would respond - sometimes weeks, but more usually, months or half a year. It got to the point where our texts would be along the lines of, 'how's it going?' and then a year would pass and she would respond 'wow sorry for taking so long to respond!! how're things going with you?' Soon, these texts dwindled to nothing.
So, it's been about two years since I last heard from her, but I've started getting texts from her again. They sound disjointed and worrisome, and they don't entirely make sense. She's claimed to have stayed awake for an entire week, that she's been having dreams about us, and that she's been having rollicking fevers. She's claimed that special people have effects from drinking water overseas, and that 'they' communicate to us in Morse code. She also asked for my address so that she could send me something.
I start checking her Facebook, as it's the only social media contact of her's that I know about. The last thing she posted was six months ago, a long post about how she's been getting help and how she has support. It got a decent chunk of likes. I wasn't sure how to respond to her message, so I didn't respond. A few hours later, I get another message - another request for my address.
AITA for not wanting to give her my address? I feel bad, but it's been so long since I've seen her. I'm also pretty freaked out. I don't know who to contact about this. We live on opposite sides of the country. I don't even know how to respond.
TL;DR: Old high school friend slowly disappears from my life. Recently starts texting me disjointed texts about special people, morse code, and effects of drinking water, and keeps asking for my address. I feel uncomfortable giving it to her, and talking to her. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Y8q4yyQxfhAs8q33sKrNEGLsw1wGtTxu
|
apgtf6
|
{
"description": "trying to sway bf's mother from forcing him to cosplay for his 18th birthday",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for trying to sway bf's mother from forcing him to cosplay for his 18th birthday?
|
Okay so some context: me and my boyfriend have been together for around two and a half years now and his birthday isn't for a few months but his mother has already started to plan a surprise party for him and his step brother to share (who will be turning 21) the 21 year old likes Anime and my boyfriend likes Pokémon(however his mother is convinced that he also likes Anime) so she themed the party 'Pokémon Anime and everything japanese' which itself is a bit cringy and people are going to be cos playing from Pokémon and Anime of they wish.
Now the other day she told me she was making him an outfit for the party and to be clear this boy has never shown an interest in dressing up, even for Halloween he didn't want to dress up. I was starting to get worried so I messaged my boyfriends bother as he knows my boyfriend well enough to know its not something he'd like, but get hit back with a lot of aggression saying that I was being negative and that if we can't have fun it's more of a reflection on our personalities rather than the party (I never said anything about fun I was saying that my bf wouldn't like being forced to dress up) and thus that conversation swiftly ends.
Fast-forward to the next day and my boyfriend joins my party on Xbox when he gets back from work and tells me I'm not in his mums good books and I find out that she told him about the surprise party just because of what I said and because I was in her bad books? Which I thought was kind of immature as she could have messaged me herself but I'll let it slide. So my boyfriend then questions why I would ask his bother as 'I should know that once his mum is convinced of something, no one can change her mind'. I still don't understand what I did wrong.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
kZDVb6wNKxynYuuqzhDrlgMaoWzjq4FY
|
ao7rpi
|
{
"description": "wanting to know what I said when I was blackout drunk",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to know what I said when I was blackout drunk?
|
Throwaway cause all my friends reddit.
So few weeks ago I was drinking with friends. I didnt realize it, but there's a small chunk of the night that I don't remember at all. I didnt even drink much but it was my first time drinking in a hot minute so my tolerance was shit.
So apparently my friends and I had a whole conversation about sex & kinks. My friend, Josh brought it up the following weekend while we were hanging out with other friends. I was like, wtf are you talking about? He's like, yeah there was a whole conversation. So I wanted to know how that conversation started and who said what. He said no. We were yelling back and forth at each other about this for a few minutes. I was internally freaking out because theres some shit my friends dont need to know about me in regards to the bedroom (I was molested as a kid, so my mind went straight to that). Josh was freaking out cause how I was asking (yelling) and that he didnt want to put his business out there in front of all our other friends. So I said that's fine, tell me what *I* said. He still said no. We continued arguing for a couple minutes.
I asked the other people that were there for our conversation. And they were no help either. As of right now, I still don't know what I said. Josh would be the only person that could help with that.
Josh is mad at me for freaking out at him. I'm mad at him for not telling me what I said while I was blackout, and what is, IMO, an uncalled for attitude towards me. I dont care about what other people said, I want to know what I said. But all I got out of him was that I didnt say much.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
WRONG
|
mAw2ceQjr96d0L1LEl5tH9USdghMsQqu
|
b18utu
|
{
"description": "not wanting to date a girl because she was overweight",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I didn’t want to date a girl because she was overweight?
|
I (21M) have been friends with a girl (21F) for about 3/4 years now. We will call her Sammy. She awesome, I enjoy her company, we hang out, text often and are really good friends. For me this has been a strictly platonic relationship from the start, as I personally was not attracted to her, I just enjoy being her friend. I’ve never “led her on” and have never hinted on wanting to be in a relationship with her.
Not only am I not physically attracted to her, but we have the same group of friends and we have all been friends from high school, I’m personally not a big fan of dating someone within my “friend group” because I’ve had it happen where friends of mine have dated and the group of friends we had was never the same after.
Last week a few of our friends from this group went out bowing, Sammy couldn’t come because she was studying for an exam. When we were bowling one of her friends pulled me off to the side and sort of told me that Sammy likes me. I know, middle school behavior but that’s just how it played out. I told her I’m not really interested in a relationship and would prefer we just stayed friends. So, am am I an asshole for not wanting to date a girl I am not physically attracted to because of her weight?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
XolHl0LbLrT5yB6iM0O3g51dcTJxYNxO
|
9xc4mr
|
{
"description": "calling somebody a Fat Piece of shit",
"pronormative_score": 41,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for calling somebody a Fat Piece of shit
|
First of all i'm not somebody who is rude to somebody because his/her body is different from other people. I dont care if you black,white, obese, skinny etc. If you are nice to me i am nice to you.
So today in class my classmate asked me if im going to the Theatre with my class and i said no because its after school and and that day my cousin is celebrating her 18th birthday so i dont want to miss that. So this girl who sits in front of us literally said " hey is the nigger not coming with us ?".
My classmate laughed it off but i personally, as a person with dark skin, was extremly offended and angry.
I said to " shut your ugly ass up you fat piece of shit. You are so fat your future children a going to have diabetes"(lets say she really has a little more weight than others) .
After that sentence she started to cry and said i was so mean. Everybody in class told me that its not nice to say something like that but i was like " she called me nigger !". Everybody was like " but you are a guy you dont get offended that easily" and even one said " but you are one". I was fed up and told everybody go to hell and said " You are all disgusting human beings. Like i should be ok with that that somebody is racist againt me". I'm not a person who gets offended easily and i'm a person who likes a good roast session with friends. You can call me asshole , idiot , trash or even retarded pop tart i wouldnt care because you are mean to me but if you are racist against anyone you can suck my dick.
But i still think i was really really mean to her without a valid reason. Am I the Asshole in this Situation ?
P.S. I live in germany so there arent many dark skinned people.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 41,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 41,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
OvSXmSmBcFGlOBceo4RJzWJqVgaXm6aP
|
a6jzf7
|
{
"description": "calling out my roommate's drinking problem",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out my roommate's drinking problem?
|
tl;dr at the end.
One of my roommates, we'll call her Drunky, drinks excessively. I don't say anything about it because we're in college and she can do what she wants. However, lately it's been getting worse and worse.
Two weeks ago Drunky started hitting her head against the wall at 2 in the morning, causing our neighbors to call the cops for a noise complaint. It took me and my other roommate physically lifting her up and carrying her to her bed to make her stop. We explained the situation to the cop, he recommended she didn't get that drunk again, and he left.
Last weekend, Drunky came back from the bar claiming to only have had 3 drinks and wanted to drink more. She poured herself a big glass of wine and took it into her room. She came back out about a half hour later for another one, and repeated that until the bottle was gone. Probably 4 more times. My other roommate and I were sitting on the couch watching tv when Drunky stumbles out of her room, lays down on the floor, and vomits all over herself and the couch. My roommate and I clean her up, mop up the vomit, take her to the toilet, and tell her to throw up in there if she needs to again. Drunky ends up falling asleep in the bathroom and my other roommate has to drive her to work the next day because she was still drunk.
Last night, Drunky and I are the only ones in the apartment as my other roommates had gone home for winter break. Drunky gets home from the bar at 3:30. She's with a guy who I assume is spending the night, so I go to sleep. At 4:30, I'm woken up by the fire alarm. The kitchen is filled with smoke. I'm still sleepy, so before finding the source of the smoke, I go make sure Drunky is awake and getting ready to evacuate. She's still asleep, so I nudge her to wake her up and she slaps my had away and tells me to leave her alone.
Figuring she was up now, I grab my fire extinguisher, go back to the kitchen, and find the stove on high with a pot of noodles billowing smoke but not on fire. I grab the pot, take it outside, and prop the door open to clear the air. After once again checking on Drunky, I go back to sleep.
Turns out Drunky's friend had left, so she decided to make some noodles. Everything was fine until she had to puke. She made it to the toilet but forgot she had made noodles so she went to bed.
When she woke up this morning, I talked to her and the conversation didn't go well. I told her she needed to see a therapist or psychiatrist because she has a drinking problem. I didn't say anything before because she's a senior in college and can make her own decisions, but now she's put the safety of our entire apartment complex at risk because of her bad decisions. She got mad and left. Drunky texted our roommate and told her that she was mad at me because I overstepped my boundries.
So AITA here or was I justified in confronting her?
TL;DR: Roommate is mad at me because I didn't let her burn out apartment complex down.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
f3Lmo2CXYes1S4G0lBoAfP8IrSOV0Qz6
|
b8t9hk
|
{
"description": "not telling a female co-worker that her jeans zipper was wide open",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not telling a female co-worker that her jeans zipper was wide open?
|
So I (male) ran into the office this morning quickly to pick up some samples before I had to go to an off-site meeting. I met with two of my co-workers (one male and one female) to get the samples. We were gathering samples and that's when I first noticed that the female co-worker had jeans on with their zipper wide open. They were high-waisted jeans and she also had a shirt tucked in so it was quite obvious when she was standing straight up. My first instinct was to tell her but we were rushed and in front of another male coworker, and I thought she might feel embarrassed if I said that to her in front of the other male coworker.
Note, I don't know her very well - we've only been in a few meetings together over the last few months, and I'm also probably about 20 years older than her. My fear also is/was that she might have thought that I was looking at her inappropriately so I just ignored it. I was in a rush and asked them to help me get the samples (multiple boxes) down to the car so she offered to grab a cart and meet me on the first floor while I pulled my car up.
My Hope was she noticed it and fixed it before I saw her next but when she was pushing the cart out to my car I didn't noticed that it was wide open. I thought again to tell her, but then it was just the two of us and again my fear was that she might have thought it was inappropriate, or be embarrassed in front of me in the future.
AITA for not telling an "aquaintance" female coworker that her zipper was wide open??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
nf2lVwwE9BOj0OFiELJwvr5RtZfACWF6
|
aqde28
| null |
WIBTA
|
Here's some backstory, I'm a 21 yo male, appearance is irrelevant, but I occasionally say some mildly (give or take) racist things without thinking (I have ADHD/ADD if it helps with context) and my 20 yo girlfriend doesn't appreciate it but understands that I have filter issues and am trying to work on it.
Recently we had an argument about whether it was okay for her to say that other guys are cute, and I said only as long as I could call other girls cute Understandable, right? She said that she would stop calling guys cute from then on. No issues, no problems, today however she was talking with her sister (we've been trying to get her sister a boyfriend for a while, and she calls one of the boys she sees on her sister account hot, and so I bring up the conversation we had previously about calling people cute and that she agreed that she wouldn't, her response was that I never said she couldn't call people hot.
I, understandably upset stated that it is essentially the same thing, her response was that, I could also call girls hot, as long as she
I understand that she will be uncomfortable with it, and then says that, since I say racist shit without her bitching at me, then she should be allowed to call guys hot. I told her that those had no correlation to each other and that calling people cute also includes calling guys hot, she says I should have been more specific about it.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
LaFO76cSEIKPxtdW0ZYwfmQztq5a0Y9w
|
an3mhk
|
{
"description": "telling my fiancé that I am not planning on getting her anything for Valentine's day",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my fiancé that I am not planning on getting her anything for Valentine's Day?
|
I love my fiancé, and I have generally spoiled her with pretty nice gifts through the years for numerous Holidays (New Television, Apple Watch, Ipad, jewelry, etc). This year we finally decided that we would purchase a home together. Throughout the process though we discovered that her credit was much worse than I thought due to some credit card debt from when she was in college. We make good money and she is nearly debt free its just that enough time hasn't passed for the bad stuff to fall off of her report.
This led to me being the only one purchasing the home. The entire loan, down payment, income verification, pretty much everything was ran solely through myself. If you've ever purchased a home you'll understand that since she isn't going to be on the loan from the bank I cannot use any of the money she makes for the house, only my own money. This has made things a bit awkward, with me asking her to cover almost all of our expenses lately as I tuck away the majority of my paycheck to go into the house fund. She has been very accommodating in this regard.
The issue arose over the weekend when she asked about Valentine's Day. She mentioned wanting to do a nice dinner and what not, and made a comment about how she was "excited to see what I got her this year". I felt really bad because I love spoiling her and she is always so grateful. But I responded and told her that with the house purchase and everything I hadn't planned on getting her anything. She kind of had a look of surprise and I said "come on I thought the house was going to be your gift."
She immediately turned red and I could tell that she was embarrassed and a little upset. She kept saying "no its fine" and "that makes sense I wasn't thinking" and similar anecdotes but her reaction has really stuck with me. I feel like I went about it all wrong and can't help but think I should have tried to be more thoughtful and, even if I couldn't get her something extravagant, I could have at least said I was getting her something small but saving something big that we could get together when we move in (we close February 28).
Once we are in the house she will be splitting everything with me 50/50 and I'm relying on her. She can't help her credit situation at this point and has been super helpful along the way. Though I feel like my reasoning for not getting her anything has merit I also feel like I may have handled it improperly.
TL;DR: Buying a house for us that only I am spending down payment on, told her I wasn't getting her anything for Valentine's Day, she got upset. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
3MLKnlQOmGQl6qrcyIW1OpUGr0oaYpF5
|
aw9mgo
|
{
"description": "interrumping this girls work to leave the plane quickly",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for interrumping this girls work to leave the plane quickly?
|
So it's Friday and I fly back home after a week of work. I fly low-cost and always book the 2A seat (no business or anything fancy here)
The girl next to me sitting on the aisle seat has been sleeping almost all the flight
We land, plane stops at gate, people get ready to disembark.
One of the reasons to book almost front row is to disembark quickly. Also I'm tired, my wife is waiting for me at arrivals and heck I want to get home.
So people stand up, try to get their cabin luggage, etc... usual stuff .
But this girl next to me just grabs her laptop, and begins to work on some stuff. On a Friday evening. In a plane. Seconds before everyone will rush through the gate.
I wait patiently, staring at her.
Girl doesn't notice .
Finger already docked to plane.
Front row already with their luggage on aisle.
I see door is about to open.
Girl still in her computer
I touch her arm and I say to her politely:
- Excuse me madam, I need to get to my luggage
Girl gives me a hate look, makes room for me to step into the aisle while she tries to move her laptop.
I pick my luggage and girl mumbles some swearing in french while giving me more hate looks
Look lady, I give a fuck about wether your work is important or not. You are being rude not to take into account that maybe I AM in a rush.
Am I The Asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
ve49UPTrL6utJsvFS2RSF3p0X0yZtTFW
|
b3358o
|
{
"description": "making a sick old lady pick up poop",
"pronormative_score": 67,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA I made a sick old lady pick up poop
|
My family has been living in this new neighborhood for about 6 months. We consistantly have another dogs poop in our yard. Well yesterday, I was washing my car when I noticed an older lady (50's maybe?) Let her dog poop by our mailbox, then causally stroll away. I asked her if she intended on cleaning it. She yells at me that where the dog pooped was public property and she didn't have to. I calmly explained her that we have a toddler that plays in our yard, and public property or not, shes responsible for cleaning it.
Then she tells me that she takes immunosuppressants, and isn't supposed to handle dog poop. Keep in mind she was also smoking during this exchange.
Again, calmly, I tell her that if she doesn't pick it up, I will be reporting her to the HOA and she will be fined. At this point I offered her poop bags and she picked it up and left in a huff.
About 20 min later, her adult daughter is banging on my door. She asks how dare I expose her mother to germs by making her pick up her dogs poop. She's livid and also reeks of cigarettes. I just tell her to leave or I'm calling the police, and to stay off our property.
AITA? If shes that immunosuppressed, she shouldn't even be handling a dog or smoking.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 67,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
mpCr8wyc6FDuLng4gPkimiJkedN6qNtQ
|
ae1tdq
|
{
"description": "wanting to cut out my gf's mom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to cut out my gf's mom?
|
I'll try to keep this brief. My girlfriend's mom got remarried when my girlfriend was 16 to a man who, honestly, isn't a great person. I'll refer to my gf as "C", the mom as "A" and the step dad as "M".
It's been around 10-11 years now and he's definitely shown his character. He's called my girlfriend a loser who will never amount to anything (to her face), he beat his son as a method of discipline, gets extremely defensive at the slightest thing (quick example : my gf's sister's boyfriend made a comment like "Oh yeah I saw a study saying listening to Christmas music on repeat can negatively effect your mental health" to which M replied "Well what college did you go to?" and basically dismissed C's sister's boyfriend's comment because he didn't go to college) puts down A with comments like "I don't think your emotionally strong enough to deal with things" and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
The thing is, any time C tells A she thinks that M is acting badly and should apologize A makes excuses and refuses to confront him about these things because she's worried he'll leave her. As a side note, she's entirely financially dependent on him. He also condemns homosexuality (C is bisexual), thinks physical discipline for children is ok, and has never apologized for anything in his life as far as I'm aware.
So since A makes excuses for him and doesn't hold him accountable I think C and I should cut them out of our lives. If A isn't willing to defend anyone against M then I see that as being ok with his actions. Any time C attempts to confront A about this, A basically either dismissed the conversation or hangs up if it's a phone call. C and A have always been very close but I don't think it's fair for A to ask C and I to just put up with M.
So AITA for wanting to cut them out or should I just deal with it since C wants to have a relationship with A?
tl;dr Girlfriend wants to have a relationship with her mom who is married to an asshole and won't stand up to his asshole-ness. I don't think it's fair and want to cut them out. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b75j09
|
{
"description": "asking to be credited on a PowerPoint slide",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for asking to be credited on a PowerPoint slide
|
Last semester I worked a few hours in a lab helping seniors with their research projects. I spent six hours total with one senior on multiple days helping her facilitate the experiment. It wasn’t hard, but it took up my time. I got experience from it but it wasn’t like it was only for my benefit. I helped the senior with a fundamental part of her project.
Similarly, I spent five hours in one day helping two other seniors on their project. This was grueling just because I was there for a long time and I was extracting adrenal and spleen tissue from mice, so it wasn’t exactly pleasant. Out of all the other volunteers they had, I stayed there the longest to help them out, but there were other volunteers who stopped in and helped too.
I wasn’t expecting anything in return.
This semester, the seniors are preparing to present their results. We have the same research advisor and he required the juniors (me and others) to be present for a preliminary run-through of the seniors’ powerpoints, in which they present their results.
At the end, they included a thank-you slide, with the names of everyone who helped. Everyone but me.
I didn’t react negatively, I wasn’t angry, just disappointed that they seemed to not appreciate my help enough to put it on the slide, or that they forgot about me. It would have been nice to get my name out there, especially since their results will be published (though I don’t know if they will have included everyone’s name in the published results).
I just feel like it would have been nice if they included me since I did help them, just as much if not more than the others they thanked.
I know it is petty. I don’t know why they didn’t include me. I had only ever talked to them much during lab, and I don’t think I ever said anything mean or anything so I don’t know why both people neglected to put me in the thank you.
I know I will never ask for this. It would be rude. But i have a strong desire to do so. Would I be the asshole if I asked to be put on the thank you?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b3jtcv
|
{
"description": "potentially starting a relationship with a girl as a second option",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for potentially starting a relationship with a girl as a second option?
|
There's this girl I like but we can't be in a relationship for various reasons that I won't go into. It hurts a lot and I dunno how long it's gonna take for me to get over her
Over the weekend, I drunkenly hooked up with a friend's friend at a club. We didn't fuck or anything, we just made out in the club and in the uber
My friends are all telling me to talk to her and start something, but I don't like her like that. I was thinking that I might do it if the girl I currently like finds someone else, but I feel like I'd only be using the new girl to fill the void and that I wouldn't actually like her. Is that a douchebag move? Doesn't seem very fair to her
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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}
|
WRONG
|
olqpz20B1WTFikSwp2gThC5kuws5QVyx
|
az7fwc
|
{
"description": "hooking up with a guy who has feelings for me even though I don't want anything",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for hooking up with a guy who has feelings for me even though I don't want anything?
|
I was at a party and ended up hooking up with a male friend of mine while we were both really drunk. I don't want a relationship right now, so I was looking for no strings attached sex, but he confessed that he has feelings for me (and has for a while I think). After he told me that, we continued hooking up (but didn't end up actually having sex). One of my friends said that I shouldn't have continued hooking up with him after he told me that, AITA for not stopping?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
Ud6Fk6bxbXm2lrOm5rCegdTxlwCeXXrV
|
b6e2pa
|
{
"description": "calling out my mom for using black people as a token tl;dr at the bottom",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for calling out my mom for using black people as a token TL;DR at the bottom
|
Forgive my mobile usage:
Now don’t get me wrong I’m white(half Mexican but very white passing) as well but I’d say I’m more educated than my mom on race my sister is black and she tells me her struggle as a black individual and how she goes about her life.
My mom joined a group called “the witches layer” (or something like that) on Facebook and was going about until she saw a post(posted by an Asian lady) saying that she’s “quite simply tired of getting asked what race she is”
This resulted in many white people saying that
“They are sorry” and many other PoC people saying how they know the experience.
My mom commented that “all white people are not racist and doesn’t see why all the white people are apologizing for something they didn’t do”
This resulted in the leader saying that “even though they don’t need to apologize it shows the community that most white people know and you as a white woman should be educated which you are!”
Then my mom for no reason stated “I’m not white, I’m half Native American/Irish and my ex boyfriend is Mexican as well as my now husband and one daughter is black”
This sent the leader into a angry state commenting “I feel your using PoC people as a token to get your way in these discussions, I know that you can talk about whatever you want but this conversation is more for people with this type of struggle”
Then she was blocked.
She told me expecting me to be on her side that
“She has a right to go into this discussion because she was hit on for her race all the time”
I told her flat out “that you kind of are using me, my sister, and step dad as a token to get your way as a white individual into these conversations so you can trash PoC people and ‘school’ them”
She went ballistic and said she wasn’t white and that she has as much of a struggle as a ‘native American/Irish’ person in the community I told her again “mom you’re white passing so am I”
She then texted us this: [text message](https://imgur.com/gallery/nlYe3xY)
So reddit! AITA?
TL;DR my mom got angry because leader of group said she was using ‘black people as tokens’ and I ultimately agreed on that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
6d3IDQdQXazQd1iDAvhpx0pcWwmSYtsc
|
avge8m
|
{
"description": "believing that I should be able to say the n word if I'm reading it from a school-issued book",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 46
}
|
AITA for believing that I should be able to say the N word if I'm reading it from a school-issued book?
|
To preface this, I'm white. White as hell, I come from German ancestors and friends could probably lose me in the snow. I go to a very culturally diverse school with tons of different races and ethnicities.
Anyway, today I was in my junior year Literature class, and we were discussing a book (I don't remember which one) that had the N word in the first chapter we read. Our teacher skipped over it (even though she was reading off things like shit and fuck) and as expected me and a few friends cracked some jokes about it. I then casually mentioned that I think it shouldn't be a big deal to say it if you're just reading it aloud straight from the text. I was met with disagreement, and not wanting to back down I kept arguing my point. I was trying to be respectful, but people kept interrupting me by pointing out that there's a history behind the word, just saying it is racist, while I was trying to say that there's nothing inherently wrong with the word so long as you're not trying to use it in a derogotory sense, and that just reading it from a book that was assigned for class wouldn't be a big deal since it's literally in the book, why would a word be in a book if you weren't meant to read it? Things escalated to the point where one student was yelling over me every time I tried to talk, everyone was calling me a racist, and that same student was willing to fight me over the issue.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
fFqEXXoNRrgDLNElLMdJn8u5ASY9LEda
|
apx6sc
|
{
"description": "not putting my bf as an emergency contact",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not putting my bf as an emergency contact?
|
Hi everyone, i just need people's opinions on an issue i have been having.
Just a little backstory- I live a couple hundred miles from my family. My roommate, Mason is who i consider my family here in ct. Though his family is only one state over, we have both put each other as emergency contacts that way if something happens, the other person can find out what's going on and relay it to each other's family. I am also in a new relationship with John and we have been together for 5 months and it's going well. Mason and i are 100% platonic and John and him have no problems with each other.
So for the past couple of weeks, i have been very ill and i thought it was a cold but it wasn't going away. Everything hurt and i was just so tired all of the time to the point that i would go to work, come home and go to sleep. Eventually i collapsed at work. I was taken to the hospital and i found out i had pneumonia. I don't remember alot of this because i was out of it but my emergency contact, Mason was called. He called my family and John and let them know what was going on. When i woke up a couple hours later, i had been given fluids and antibiotics and i was alone. The nurse informed me that Mason had been there and would be back.
I called Mason, who called John and since i was awake and coherent, he came to the hospital to see me. Fast forward a week, im back at home and doing well and John brings up the hospital. He said that he was really annoyed that he wasn't allowed to see me and that he had to get the information from Mason since he wasn't an emergency contact. He asked if i could put him as an emergency contact and i said no. I told him that i think it's too early in the relationship for me to do that. This started a massive argument about why i would allow a roommate but not my bf to be on there. For the record, i have known Mason for three years, i have met his family and vice versa. He's family to me and not just a roommate.
I took a couple days and i really thought about it from his perspective. It would annoy me to be sitting in a hospital visting room for hours and not be allowed to get an update or see him if he was hurt. I decided to add him. I showed him that i added him and he was still ticked off because he's number 3 on my contact list while Mason is #1, my mom is the second. Mason's #1 cuz he lives with me while my mom is far away. I told him he was being ridiculous. He was pressuring me to put him as the first contact or even just above Mason and wouldnt let the issue go for days so i just removed him again.
I don't see the big deal about who's on the list and what number they are. I don't see why he's being like this. I didn't want to add him in the first place because i feel like our relationship is still new and i feel like he's making an issue out of nothing. I want people's opinions. Please don't just say breakup with him because this is legitimately the only issue we have had unless you're seeing red flags that im not seeing. I just want advice. Am i the asshole when it comes to this? How can i fix it if i am?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b3dora
|
{
"description": "telling my good friends parents he has no job",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA if I told my good friends parents he has no job.
|
So I (21 M) have a good friend, lets call him Greg(20 M) who has been showing serious signs of depression. He does nothing all day, just sits on the couch and plays video games, while sleeping 18 hours a day. He never cleans his room and is living in filth. His outlook on life has really gone downhill and he is always miserable. All of Greg's old interests he has since dropped. Me and my SO(his roommate) are really worried for him as friends. We have tried to help him by getting him out of the house or encouraging him to do things with us, but he just refuses.
Greg quit his job two month ago simply because he was tired of going to it. He told my SO and I that his parents pay for all his food, housing, and spending money under one condition: that he has a job. He has been lying to his parents about having a job. My SO and I have been considering informing his parents he quit his job. I think that if his parents found out he quit his job they might make him move back in with them which would motivate him to find a job, or give him the kick in the pants to actually get out of this hole he is in. WIBTA sticking my nose in places it doesn't belong?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
0TmoYTU3JwF0RsUjmY2KHkJ7IGieo8T6
|
atm911
|
{
"description": "getting pissed off that my friend is selling thoughtful gifts I gave her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA - For getting pissed off that my friend is selling thoughtful gifts I gave her
|
I collect a lot of anime/manga memorabilia and over the years I've collected a lot of stuff. I made friends with a neighbor a long time ago and we have been friends for a while. She shares my love for anime and I decided to give her some rare/collectable items from my collection.
I thought she was a huge fan like me and would appreciate them and use them (book ends, display items, etc). But now, I recently found out that she is trying to sell them *and* she's trying to get me to help her put them online so she can sell them for a higher price than what she would get locally!
I got visibly upset and told her that I gave them to her to have, not to sell a few weeks later. She said that since they are now her property, she is allowed to do what she wants. I don't want the stuff back by any means, I did give them to her as gifts, but for her to sell them when I thought she would love it as much as I do. It feels wrong.
She says that I shouldn't give stuff away if this is how I'm going to act. Am I the asshole for being upset with her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
IHF5oh6LiemWTOfUdqYTbVZb152ayxbk
|
apvpdw
|
{
"description": "questioning the school nurse",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for questioning the school nurse?
|
So before I begin, my daughter is a great kid, but she is not above saying she does not feel well whenever she has to do something she doesn't want to (do a chore, go to school, etc).
This morning, I got a call from the school saying my kid didn't feel well. She said that she checked her temp and she had a fever of just over 100. So I called around and got a coworker to cover me for the day and went to get her. I got her home and wanted to check her temp before giving medicine for the fever so I could track it. I checked it and it said 98.6 exactly. I went ahead and got a different thermometer that also showed her temp as normal.
Now, just recently, a coworkers granddaughter left the same school after seeing the same nurse with a fever and they brought her to the doctor. He said that the nurse obviously wasn't taking the temp right because she didn't have any sign of a fever.
My daughter has been acting fine and has not shown any symptoms of illness and is still not showing a fever. I'm not sure if it is possible that my thermometers could be off or not, but I am not so sure she actually has a temperature.
So WIBTA for bringing it up to the nurse?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
uf4TkGRZtdpOHPNY1QXsxxvbw0bIWWzN
|
afbj0f
|
{
"description": "refusing to go to church",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to go to church
|
Im a 16 YO and was raised Catholic by my single mum, our family used to go church mostly every single week when I was younger, because my family were really religious. As I got older I started to feel like going to church was inconsequential and a waste of time as I realised that I wasn't religious anymore, and complained every time I was forced to go, and also alter serve.(I stopped doing that a few years ago)
Okay, now last week I got into a heated argument with my mum when she told me to get ready for church, I said I don't want to. I kept telling her that I don't believe in God, and asked her SO MANY TIMES, why exactly I should go church even if i don't care about it. She doesn't even give me a rational answer, just saying that I live in her house, so I have to go church. I forgot what mostly happened, but i remember her hitting me, for talking back, i was sorta provoking her too, because I was so angry cuz she doesn't understand that making me go church isn't gonna change anything and make me resent the concept of religion because I have to be 'forced' into a religion without her bothering to care about how i feel. Well reluctantly, I ended up going. She even told me to get out of the house and I was like yeah, I can't wait and I probably wont miss you.
Well, right now it's Saturday which is church day -\_- so a while ago my mum came in the room and took my phone cuz i refused to go church again. We started arguing again in front of 2 of my cousins and my older brother (my mum doesn't even try to get him to go church). I kept asking her why I HAVE to go church all she said was cuz your catholic. I got so angry, and said no, I'm not and said that if she wants to go to church, then go by herself, I don't have a problem but don't force me to go and that she doesn't have the right to make me believe in a God. That didn't work. She starting harassing me with a coat hanger and slapped me in the back of my head sooo hard 2 times (My head still sorta hurts). She left the room later, I provoked her which I shouldn't have done i know, saying sarcastically 'YEAH, go to church yourself you fat bitch' My mum didn't do anything, so i assumed so didn't hear that. She then turned off the router, and took my laptop. OH WAIT, i forgot to mention that i was literally studying while all this happened, which pissed me off even more.
So essentially she left me at home without my phone and computer totally disrupting me while was alone studying just cuz i refused to go church. The fact that she tries to force me to go to church to this extent, just changes my whole perspective on religion, making me hate the concept even more, but she just doesn't understand. Btw i don't have a problem with people believing in God, it's just that I personally don't prefer to get involved in those sort of things.
Am I really the asshole for refusing to go church?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
TIHTI3Ijvd7P17eT2RAqmQBcRiFhqP3P
|
an7gml
|
{
"description": "standing up to my rude cousin",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for standing up to my rude cousin
|
Bit of context. This cousin is known for being a brat. She whines and her parents give her whatever she wants. I'm known as the cousin who brings the peace, is calm, hates confrontation, and overall is welcomed. (Except another time but that's another story)
One day we start playing a game and of course as we are children, we make a mess. We soon lose interest in the game and inform her to help me clean up since she played.
I told others who played to help. My sister helps and the brat, who I'll call janet, stands off to the side with candy.
Me: janet, cousin, its time to clean up.
Janet: I tried to clean up but no one was moving so I stopped
Me: help me clean up
Janet: i already did
Me: no you didn't. The cards are still spread out
Random Cousin: I won so I dont have to clean up (the game had no end so we created an end and he still didn't win)
Janet: I'm on a candy break *slowly eats cotton candy*
I was just about almost done with creating all the cards in stacks (the cards were the game but there were at least 5 stacks of cards cause we were playing the meme game) and she is almost done eating her candy.
I decide to throw all the cards and they scatter everywhere, under the couch, to another room, etc. I stand up smoothly and dust myself off, slowly saying.
Me: now IM off to my candy break!
I swiftly moved to go outside and sit with my dad. I stayed there until I felt they finally cleaned up and was met with Janet's older sister who I'll call jo
Jo:what you did was not cool
Me: I know
I left it at that. Nothing else happened. All was solved and randbows and butterflies until later on when janet started to annoy me.
Shed whisper things under her breath when we would call her out for being rude and obnoxious.
Janet: not as rude as throwing all the cards.
I had finally had enough and snapped and yelled at her.
Me: at least I'm not a lazy bitch!!
This shut her up and unlike other times, she did not fight back. I think she understood that I was really mad since I avoid cursing in front of little kids and shes 4 years younger.
Janet: ....I heard you
Me: yeah you were supposed to.
I later apologized to her dad and he scolded me saying how family is important and I dont get to choose family and I shouldn't have said that. How I should respect her and that family is family
He knows shes a brat and can't control her and on separate occasions, bad mouth and belittled my family.
I only apologized because it was morally the right thing to do. Also. This is not the only time she has tried to pull crap to get out of doing something, it's just the only time I've fought back.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
7YS7fMbKApq0lVbnzIjSD4YfcSyyiYDY
|
atnmo9
|
{
"description": "not inviting my pregnant friend on a bar crawl",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for not inviting my pregnant friend on a bar crawl?
|
My group of friends, all mid twenties, have planned a big bar crawl across town for St. Patrick’s day this year. We’re generally responsible, tax-paying adults and all that, but every year for St. Patrick’s day we revert to total degenerates. It’s a wild time.
One of my friends just discovered that she’s pregnant and we’re all pretty thrilled, but some people in the group don’t know yet because it’s so early. I didn’t invite her to the crawl. For one, I didn’t want her to be backed into a corner if people who don’t know she’s pregnant ask why she isn’t drinking and for two, she’s pregnant and it’s a rowdy bar crawl. I just assumed she would have no interest.
She found out, however, and was pretty upset. She said that she felt left out because of her pregnancy. I never meant to cut her out and we still invite her to everything else we do, even going out to bars at night, but she rarely comes to that anymore so I assumed she just didn’t want to be around alcohol. She told me I was incredibly rude to invite everyone but her, but I assumed that a pregnant woman wouldn’t want to deal with a city full of drunk people and bar crawls.
AITA for not inviting her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
4Ld8EZpPYTMkG1DXcxwFBBVrjMh0TP4J
|
atmc59
|
{
"description": "not covering for my co-worker",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not covering for my co-worker?
|
I'm a university student with a part-time job working at a shoe store, which I've had for two years now. It's not a big store - there is one manager and six employees. One of the other employees, Sarah, goes to the same university as me. She's a bit of a loud, gregarious sort of person and a bit of a party girl, while I'm pretty quiet and reserved. I spend a fair bit of time listening to her stories/gossip about going out on weekends, but otherwise we get on fairly well.
This past Saturday Sarah was scheduled to open the store at 9 a.m. and work to 5 p.m. (close) and then I was initially scheduled to work from 12 p.m. to 5 p.m. On Friday, for some reason my manager asked me to start at 9 on Saturday too. It was a long weekend where I am (Family Day), so perhaps he thought it was going to be busier.
I got there around quarter to and started to open the store. Sarah arrived around 9 and was surprised that I was there. She had clearly been out the night before and said that she was pretty hungover. However, after a little while it started to become clear she was more than just hungover - she was still pretty drunk. She was a bit unsteady on her feet (albeit, wearing heels), giggly etc. I'm not great at confrontation, so I mostly just left her at the desk and helped the very few customers we had. She told me it was her friend's birthday and they had all drunk far more than they usually would. It was an annoying morning, because I had to do everything on my own, plus make sure she didn't do anything stupid. Later on, she was clearly not feeling well and I told her she should go home sick and I'd finish the day on my own.
Before close, my manager stopped in unexpectedly. When he stopped in he asked where Sarah was and caught me offguard. I was still feeling pretty annoyed at her, so I just sort of blurted out that she had a rough hangover and went home sick. He followed up asking if she had been there to open the store on time, and been working. I gave a sort of wishy-washy answer, and I think he could tell I wasn't being completely honest, so he persisted. I ended up telling him that it seemed she was still kind of drunk that morning. He didn't really say anything other than that he'd have to talk to her about it.
I've now found out that he let her go when they met this week. I feel awful that she's now lost a decent paying job, which I know she needed to help pay for schooling. My roommates think I should have just covered for her as a fellow university student. I know it was her own decisions that led to this, but I also think if the scenario was reversed, she would have covered for me, which leaves me feeling a bit like a tattletale of sorts. And from her perspective, I told her she could go home and I would cover for her, then told our manager all about it, she lost her job, and now I'm going to get some of her (better) shifts.
Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
jazVOXXk4TyvbNfxWas09HtSUoZR7jaO
|
aw7htp
| null |
AITA
|
AITA so yesterday I brought some king cake to work for the my night crew [I work in a retirement community] well while I was helping one of our resident a coworker from another shift takes a slice without asking. I came back to find they shes stuffing her face in and I just starting yelling at her saying that its fn rude for you to just take something without asking , and that if she had waited till I came back I would of gave her a slice. I went to answer another call light and I came back to her crying her eyes out , I kinda snapped again saying that I hope she washed her damn hands [she has rep for being really dirty and not keeping up on her hygiene) and that I was srry but in a condescending way. After she leaves I learn that she did indeed ask by walkie talkie but I didnt hear her so my silence was a yes,then I learn she took two huge slices so am I the asshole for yelling at her
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
BSw8RmDDHBXIcOQSQDXZ9L97c1QOaxFS
|
a8ovhv
|
{
"description": "wanting my husband to only game during agreed times",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting my husband to only game during agreed times?
|
Some background..
My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for one year. He plays World of Warcraft. At the beginning, this wasn't an issue for me - I like games myself. However, with time, it started becoming a problem and the reason for many fights. To be clear, we don't fight often. But when we fight it's more often than not about his gaming. The pattern is always the same: After an argument, he reduces his gaming significantly. Then it gets more and more until we fight again.
It often gets to the point where he spends all his free time gaming. By that I mean getting out of bed and play for 1-2 hours before going to work. Then coming home and get back to gaming again. When he works from home he even games during lunch breaks. When he's in one of these phases where he games a lot I often feel like I have to 'force' hime to spend time with me, in the sense that he only does it because I ask and he's afraid saying no will start a fight.
About six months ago I started developing a depression. I asked him to spend more time with me, go outside and do stuff, as I thought that would help. Which he did one or two times, but then started gaming a lot again and that was when we stopped doing anything at all during weekends and basically started spending all our free time at home.
I've always been a patient person, almost never raising my voice during fights. But his gaming started making me aggressive. Just seeing him sitting in front of the PC playing WoW made me angry. I could physically feel my anger, like breathing fast and could feel my heart beating. That was very out of character for me. I explained that to him. He suggested we agree on certain "WoW times" when he's allowed to game, and that he will only game during these agreed times. I agreed. There was no negotiating, I just accepted his first suggestion about what these "WoW times" would be. (Also, this wasn't about gaming in general, he can play on the Playstation as much as he wants. It was really just about WoW where I feel he has no control.)
This agreement was two months ago. In these two months he played WoW outside of the agreed times three times. I know because he didn't try to hide it. I came home from work and he was gaming. He says there is nothing wrong with it, because it shouldn't bother me if I'm not at home. I say gaming became an issue in our relationship and all I'm asking is that he sticks to the agreement.
AITA for not wanting him to play WoW even when I'm not at home?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
swVOaPnkHEjKjGsqXjzGruWOarV5MDPB
|
ak9la6
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang out with my friend because she stinks",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang out with my friend because she stinks?
|
Basically, I have a friend who just plain reeks of body odor. She doesn’t shower often and doesn’t use deodorant often, to the point when she gets in my car I have to roll down all the windows even if it’s cold outside because it just stinks.
I’m one of her only friends (she’s rather awkward, not very good at meeting people, and tends to isolate herself) so she puts a lot of pressure in having me hang out with her, but lately I just can’t stand her stench because it gives me a headache, I also feel embarrassed when I’m walking around with her and I can see people walk away from us cause she stinks. Lately I’ve been refusing hugs or simply saying goodbye from a distance because I hate going near her. When I told my other friend this, she said it was an asshole move and I should still hang out with her. My friend has also been subtly commenting that I walk in front of her a lot or I’m always in another aisle, she’s also noticed I haven’t been replying to her requests to hang out lately. I’ve tried to tell her / encourage her subtly to..”clean up” before we leave for the mall or whatever, but she’ll just gargle mouthwash or put her hair in a bun and go. Am I the asshole for not wanting to hang out with her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
o5rZw0sX0puzJAooL9lstMGCBu6jDMJY
|
a37u2t
|
{
"description": "condemning a group of friends and cutting them out of my life, because they wont condemn another",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for condemning a group of friends and cutting them out of my life, because they wont condemn another?
|
So there is a lot of context to this one, and I mean a lot, but I don't want it to be too personally identifiable, so I'm gonna try to trim the fat.
Basically I had a friend, we will call him (1), I have known (1) for 10 years. about 4 years ago when I bought my home, (1) and I used to have dinner parties at a 3rd friends home who is no longer relevant, but I used to cook.
Once I got my new home, (1) and I came up with the idea to host dinner parties at my new place. over the years guests came and went. however (1) remained. me and (1) shared many hobbies. golf, and model trains and stuff like that. He invited two other friends, who have been coming to mine for dinner with (1) for 3 years or so. we will call them (2) and (3).
(2) and (3) were (1)'s friends from golf but we had shared interests (3) was very insecure, or at least it looked like that to me. he would lie a lot, war stories, "jobs" talking about guns, in a country where guns are illegal and only the military have them.
I was going to talk to (3) when I first met him, and tell him he didn't need to lie around us, we liked him for him, not his stories. but not wanting to damage the guys already fragile ego I left it be.
I thought, what harm, they just make him feel better about himself, that doesn't hurt anyone. but this guy was full tier Mall Ninja if anyone ever read the original material about the guy wanting 2 Armour plates for his mall security job to stop 50cal's.
Just so everyone knows, everyone chipped in for the dinners I cooked, I wasn't hosting for free, it started from a pizza and beer night, and I noticed the guys complain about bad food while spending 20$ on it, so I offered to cook. 5$ a head and I'd do dinner and either a desert or starter. Soup and pasta kinda deal.
**context over**
So cut to recently, I find out (3) has been making up shit about me for the last year, negative things, I guess because I made him insecure or something. Like saying my food gave him food poisoning, twisting things I said to make me look bad or himself favorable. Telling my partner and others after an incident that I should have stood up for her, and he would have had he been there (spoilers he was and didn't make a peep).
I didn't think it mattered or was as bad as it was, until i found out. All I wanted was him to admit it, stop doing it and apoligise. he said sorry maybe 100 times but constantly denied doing it, which made me furious as I had texts and such documented and proof.
(1) and (2) basically said they are staying out of it and it wasn't their business.
At first I removed (3) from being welcome in my home, and after thinking about it canceled the dinner evenings entirely. which effected several other people entirely unrelated to the issue.
While (3) was a liar, I could understand his insecurity and motivations, but his actions were still bad and I felt (1) and (2) should acknowledge that rather than just staying out of it.
After a time, I gave (1) and (2) and ultimatum. I personally hate Ultimatums, I would tell Me to fuck off on sheer principal.
However I had reasoned, that while they still talk to (3) socially, (3) still talks to them, and that it caused several things to happen.
* First, (3) would hear about my life
* Second (3) would continue to lie about me
* and Third, that in "staying out of it" (1)& (2) were not telling me if and when or the full depth of (3)'s lies in order minimize drama...thus not staying out of it, but in fact taking (3)'s side.
I didn't want to give an ultimatum, but sometimes when the foot is septic you cut the leg off at the knee. I felt (1) and (2) were adults and should at least know what and why they were being convicted of, even if they weren't guilty of any action themselves.
It wen't down about as well as expected. both saying they wern't going to choose.
Recently, (1) heard about a new dinner party I am hosting with new friends, and I told him, he wasn't welcome and why. Similarly (2) wanted to talk about stuff and I gave him similar sentiment.
Funnily enough, (1) went straight to (3) to complain, and tell him about the ultimatum. (which is fine, it includes the guy and he should know whats going on)
Later (2) came to me, saying I gave (1) the ultimatum to cut (3)&(2) out, asking me what was up. I clarified that again this was a lie, again (3) was lying about me to his favour and (1) confirmed (3) was again lying. (3) claimed to them, it was a misunderstanding, and they once again gave him a free pass.
I have been quite frustrated, angry and short tempered in all of this, I'm not with out fault.
But am I wrong to give people an ultimatum in this instance? am I wrong to cut them out of my life just because they won't agree with me? am I an asshole because I won't drop the issue and constantly bring it up when anyone related to it talks to me about it?
I know cutting people out of your life because you don't fit, isn't really an asshole thing to do, but what about the ultimatums?
TLDR: AITA for giving friends an ultimatum between be and another friend, because that friend continues to act toxic towards me?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
oBn60KwkZn9tzyV4UuuPqU3pjxOHiSt8
|
ach0gd
|
{
"description": "asking if my co-worker still remembers the steps to perform a task with a serious voice",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking if my co-worker still remembers the steps to perform a task with a serious voice?
|
First comes the context. Our sales team was assigned to change the number to the new formate (For ex: 0123xxxxx -> 083xxxxx). Everyone needs to do it. To make my work easier, I created some formulas for my own usage and done with my works. Seeing others was troubling, I decided to share it and instructed them on how to use it. Because I don't know how to write macros, my sheets contain a table and each column is a calculation step so it's not so simple. Also, there are also some extra steps to check if the formula works as intended (is there a hidden apostrophe? Is there a double slash between numbers?). So you can't just put it in and get the results.
So today, I've modified the table to make it easier to use and inform the girl I'm working with that there's a change. To make sure if she doesn't any important steps, I asked her with a serious tone: "Do you still remember the steps that I've shown you?". She got annoyed and said: "It only applying the formulas to the table like always, right? It's easy? There's no need to teach me again". I got quite irritated and say, "Okay, then go ahead?". 5 minutes later, she turned to me and asked that "There's something wrong with the formulas".
Me: What's wrong?
Her: The number doesn't change.
Me: Did you use "text to column"?
Her: But you didn't tell me about that!
Me: Yes I did. After I shown you the steps to put the formulas, I also reminded you at the end of our talk that you should use "text to column" first to make sure everything works correctly.
Her: I don't remember it.
Then I had a serious talk (angry voice) with her about when someone help her by giving instruction, don't act displeased or not willing to listen. She then said:
Her: It's just because of the way you asked me. You sounded like a teacher who tried to ask if the student still remember what he was taught.
She then made comments about how people working in the same environment should be supportive, not being bossy or hard to others etc...
Am I the asshole in this case?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
JScFlvpGQzKDoSpC3DfmO7HJgNvYHUKS
|
axwa9n
|
{
"description": "preferring to sleep in our guest room",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for preferring to sleep in our guest room?
|
Hello fellow judges,
my wife and I have a 3 year old son and we live in a small house. Our son (let's call him John) never was that great in sleeping through the night, but we made progress and the normal thing was, that he felt asleep in his own bed in his room and often would crawl in our bed sometime between midnight and 3 AM. Then winter came and we all took turns in being sick, because of that he often was very whiny and my wife would put him in our bed to make it easier for him to fall asleep. Now it's very hard to get him to sleep in his own room again and I guess we gave up too often and now he still often falls asleep in our bed or comes over very early, often so early that I am not even in bed yet (my wife goes to bed a bit earlier).
John is a very agile sleeper. Best case he just tosses and turns, worst case is a perfectly executed roundhouse kick in my face. I don't care much about that once I reached my deep sleep phase (except the roundhouse kick), but I don't fall asleep easily. That's why I didn't really care if he came over in the middle in the night. So I started to sleep in our guest room. It's comfy, it's quiet, I can turn on some audio book or just some sleep sounds, can fall asleep easily and sleep through the night.
My wife falls asleep rather easily and my son tends to have his face close to my wife, so she usually doesn't get the kick of the thousand diapers executed on her. She didn't complain, other than that she would prefer me to be sleeping in the same bed again. She also made the suggestion to put the old baby bed with have back in our sleeping room, so that John can sleep with us in the same room, but not in the same bed. I don't want that, because my goal is to get him to sleep in his own room and that just feels like a step back.
Now AITA for preferring to sleep in the guest room right now? My wife didn't complain, but I just feel a bit like abandoning her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
zRNRQqgytGKPJ37pgm18hnD2Zzmwpo8d
|
a8kipd
|
{
"description": "pouring out the drink on the floor",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for pouring out the drink on the floor?
|
So this is bugging me.
I went out last night with a couple of friends and had a good time. I met these older guys (old enough to be my dad) both seemed very nice and I had decent & non creepy conversation. I was pretty drunk so I venture off with one of them to another bar (I let my friends know exactly where I was and when I should be back by). At said bar he asks me if I want anything and I say water. I was already pretty drunk and just did not need anything else to drink. He comes back and “accidentally” orders me another drink. I think it was meant to be a nice gesture, but I was already sauced. I pour the drink out on the floor when he leaves for a moment. He asks me if I poured it out and I lied saying I drank it (he could probably tell I did pour it out, but I lied anyways). We don’t stay for long and I get returned to my friends safely.
I wanna know am I the asshole for pouring the drink out? I didn’t think he drugged it or anything but i just know my limits. I could have just told him I didn’t need it, but in my drunken state I just poured it out on the floor.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
UGeaISPS9lGQibdUdfWrvhQZpBMQmn6L
|
aat7vf
|
{
"description": "ignoring a one night stand afterwards",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for ignoring a one night stand afterwards?
|
Ok, so this might be a long one, but here goes. Recently, i discovered the profile of a girl i used to know in middle school. Not gonna lie, i used to pick on her some. So, i decided to chat her up. I just told her i was really sorry for what i did and that i was stupid back then.
We talked some, i mostly asked about how life was and if she had a boyfriend or anything. She said no and i just brought up that we should meet for coffee. Needless to say, she actually said yes.
We met up, she told me how hurtful what i did was. I apologized again, and she became a little flustered. Her cheeks blushed, so i told her how beautiful she'd become since then. She got even more flustered, so i continued sweet talking her and eventually sat beside her. I told her "I was just a stupid kid then, but now i'm a man. A big strong man, a man who wants to make it up to you." and started rubbing her thigh. She was kind of receptive, she started touching me back. I started escalating a bit and she didn't stop me and i offered to take her home.
We got back to her house and kind of continued. Long story short, we were intimate that afternoon. Also, she didn't say anything about using protection, so i just did it without. Which made it much more thrilling.
The act was great, but what happened afterwords was unpleasant to say the least. She tried cuddling with me but i ignored her and started getting dressed. She started asking me all kinds of weird questions, but i told her i wanted this to be a one time thing. She wasn't happy and started screaming at me. She claims i just used her for sex. So i just left.
It's been a couple days, and she has been ringing my phone off the hook. Leaving crying messages on my voicemail and angry messages. She's been posting horrible things about me being "An inhumane monster" all over Facebook. I've been ignoring her. But we've only hooked up once and now she's completely obsessed with me.
So, am i the asshole for completely ignoring this girl?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
5PcIchAxtv7QUYidghkz4qXAWCGKY0Mk
|
a8e12z
|
{
"description": "wanting to spend Christmas alone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting to spend Christmas alone?
|
With the holiday season approaching I keep getting the stronger feeling that I want to be left alone. I work my ass off, go to school full time, and am renovating my house. My family lives 2 hours away which isn’t that far, but I just don’t want to go. I feel the conflicting feeling of familial obligation and the desire to spend Christmas with my girlfriend and dogs at home. Am I an asshole for wanting my Christmas to be more intimate and avoid my family?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
c9RMTgR1lQJgXDv9Nv006YyZRH4tl1cw
|
ab5ypn
|
{
"description": "leaving work early",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for leaving work early?
|
So I work with my sister at a jewelry store at our local mall. She is the manager so I figure she could be a little generous sometimes with scheduling and stuff as it is not a particularly busy store most of the time other than holidays. I am usually scheduled 8 hour shifts but about 30-40% of the time I ask if I can go early since it's not busy.
Yesterday I was scheduled for 11-7 but it wasn't too busy and it was just her and I that day working. After about 4 hours in she said I could leave a bit early if I want. After about 30 minutes it got a little busy and and after getting through a group of customers I ask if I can go and she gets mad at me for "never finishing my shifts and am not being helpful when it gets busier". She was mad since she was the only one there to work but she offered for me to leave early, I'm confused because it made me feel guilty like I was in the wrong but I was just taking up the offer she made me, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 22
}
|
WRONG
|
UqfidPaP9CfDIIdG5dLEVWZaxIwSfeiL
|
as28cz
|
{
"description": "telling a guy I'm not interested",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For telling a guy I'm not interested.
|
I met this guy through a dating app. Went on a date with him. He was very clear from the beginning that he was looking for something serious and didn't want "to play any games". The date went fine; he was nice.
This is the first date I've been on since I broke up with my fiancé a couple months back. I thought I was ready to date again, but that was definitely not the case. I let him know this because I don't think it'd be good to keep dating him when I'm clearly not over my ex.
He got mad at me because apparently " these are the types of games women play with him", and I wasted his time. But I simply didn't feel the connection and he got really pushy about sending dick pics and wanting some pictures in exchange for that. And I'm honestly not over my engagement.
This is the first time in my life that I have ever been on a date with someone that is not from where I'm from and I just don't know if there are different rules for dating in the U.S. did I do something wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 23,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gqXmpL9MsqG60B0ZS1dmCefF4WvMhuJ2
|
b0l8iy
|
{
"description": "being pissed at my friend for taking someone else's side",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed at my friend for taking someone else's side?
|
I'll try to keep this as objective as possible for you to make a solid judgment.
Basically, when I was 13, this girl A received alot of anon hate on social media.
I did not know her personally at this point. One day I was just screwing around, when I saw her reply to a hate question that went something like "you are lame". her response was:
"HAHAHAHA you are lamer, i'm just going to ignore you hater, you are so desperate i know who you are, clearly you've been following me for quite some time huh you're *insert name* aren't you, SUCK ON THAT."
I knew for a fact that it wasn't the person she named who sent in the hate. I sent this message to her, WITHOUT anon:
"ok but can you stop saying "i know who you are" in response to anon hate bc when you guess wrong it's rly cringy"
After that, I forgot about it. Fast forward to 2-3 years later, when I was 15. All of a sudden, A started to tell everyone I was the person she hated the most in the entire school, and would post on her insta about how much she hated me. Multiple people would ask me what I did. I did not have any form of interaction with her in these 2-3 years. By this point, I had forgotten what I did, so I just went up to her and basically confronted her.
She wouldn't give me a straight answer except that it had to do with what I said back then.
I had a friend (B) with me then who happened to be there, and she chimed in and supported A. Take note that she did not know A at all. A was GLEEFUL that B was supporting her, when B was supposed to be my friend, and said something along the lines of "You should listen to your friend more."
That kinda set me off and I went into a full argument with A about how what I said didn't warrant her going around telling everyone about how she hated me so much especially since it was so long ago.
But with B, my supposed friend defending A, this argument was quickly lost. Later, I realized as stupid as it was, I was the one who stirred this shit up. So I swallowed my pride and apologized to A, which she accepted.
Today, approximately half a year after the apology, B brought up the whole event again and "how stupid I was". I agreed but I commented that it was kind of weird for B to hold a grudge with me for so long for something so small without saying anything, then suddenly bringing it up years later.
B got mad at me, defended A again, and said (proudly) that after she defended A, A was super nice to her (once again, A is known for being rude). She then told me to stop talking about it, and called me stupid a few more times re: how I handled the situation. I got annoyed, but didn't say anything.
I found it weird that B was and is completely on A's side. Am I the asshole in this case for getting annoyed at B for taking A's side? Was I the asshole for thinking it was petty of A to tell everyone how much she hated me over such a small matter, so long after it happened? I'm super confused right now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
PQ0B8JXlQ06XfI4GfE2akdeu9OYxOUIV
|
b4qfxg
|
{
"description": "talking to my friend's mom about his mental health",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I talk to my friend’s mom about his mental health?
|
I have a friend who I think is going through some kind of mental episode right now. He started telling me some really out there things and I’m worried about him.
He was talking about alternative realities and traveling between them. He was talking about it really fast and not making a ton of sense. He kept giving examples of why he wasn’t from this reality. It was weird stuff like I guess in the reality he says he’s from there was a line in the matrix that isn’t in the movie in this reality. And that the Bible in this reality is different from the Bible in his reality. He also talked about a conspiracy with scientists that do satanic rituals and that’s why people are moving to different realities.
I didn’t really know how to respond to any of it. Nothing he said gave me any indication that he’s dangerous or anything. I don’t know if I’m overreacting by wanting to tell his mom about it. I mean I kinda also think some religions are crazy, but I don’t judge the people who believe in them. I don’t know if it’s the same thing or not. Maybe it’s just like his version of religion and I should butt out. I’m don’t know what I should do.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
PiuM9cYG89gXpB7ytLkkdNUYbSqC1qT1
|
ac2qam
|
{
"description": "causing a Discord coup",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for causing a Discord coup?
|
This story starts over two years ago, when my uni friends and I decided to make a Discord server to play games together. Players in this story are me, 'Ron', 'James', and 'Mike' (fake names for privacy).
We created this server whilst sitting in the kitchen of the flat of Ron and Mike. We're computer scientists, so we all have laptops, but as Ron's is closest we use his to create the server. Ron doesn't know much about Discord so he gives me, James and Mike administrator permissions. We do all the setting up and the server is simple, but functional.
As time goes on, we start adding friends that we knew from before, and the server grows somewhat. We start queueing in games in medium to large stacks more frequently, and on one of these nights we make friends with a teammate and I invite them to the server. This becomes the norm and as the months pass I recruit nearly every player I've had a positive experience with. The server grows dramatically and starts to shape into a community. People make friends, invite their own, and form interpersonal connections.
Due to this growth, there becomes a necessity for the admins to take more responsibility and moderate where before there had been nothing to worry about. There became a need for more features on the server. Until now it had been extremely barebones, one voice channel and one text channel. I had experience with Discord, so I frequently suggested changes that I believed were positive. Categorised text channels, multiple voice channels, a set of rules displayed prominently. This is where the disagreements began.
Ron and I had different philosophies surrounding the way the server should be handled. He believed that less moderation was better. He was against the idea of having rules in the first place, but ceded when James sided with me and said that they would be necessary. He wouldn't allow more than two or three rules, and they had to be personally vetted by him. I wanted to implement roles to organise the server, but he would only allow one for the admins and one for the bots. See, as his had been the account to create the server, he had the 'owner' priveledges. This meant that he could overrule everything, and gave him the leverage to veto any decisions made. Despite this server being an undertaking that we made together, he maintained that his word was law and any changes that weren't explicitly run through him would be quickly reversed.
As the server grew, I spent more of my time interacting with the community. I organised events, games nights, movie nights and meetups. I also tried my best to make myself available for support, talking to any individuals that approached me looking for advice or simply for someone to listen, and directing them to resources that could help them further. Between this and the fact that I was the primary route by which people joined the server, the community began to see me as a spiritual leader. I was active as often as I was able, whilst Ron was rarely around, and as all of the admins were listed as one role it was understandable why people would conclude that I was in charge.
Ron, Mike, James, two other friends, and I move in together for our second year of university. The server is still active and still growing, experiencing a plethora of shifts throughout the year. I won't get bogged down with the details, but will touch on the ones most important to the story. Early on in the year, there is an idea to have a secondary moderator role, and this is agreed upon by all. Three mods are recruited, and everything proceeds as normal until a week later, when Rob removes both the moderator role and the administrator role. He claims that moderation was never needed in the first place, and that this will be a better solution. None of the admins were notified or consulted before this happened.
One day later, Rob has created an admin role again and given Mike and James back their titles. I've still yet to be given a role, but I don't say anything. It isn't until James asks Rob another day later that my position is returned. Around this point, I introduce my closest friend to the server and, after visiting the house we live in, she begins to date Mike. I also become close friends with Maya, who is James' long-term partner.
Partway through this second year, there are a number of notable instances where the community had asked for something to be provided, and Rob had stopped it from happening. In some cases, I would voice what people were asking to Rob and Rob would either tell me no or that it was unnecessary to begin with. In other cases, I would make the change and Rob would go back and delete what I had done. This happened so frequently that many of the core members of the server approached me and told me that, were I to leave, they would happily follow. Every time this happened, I responded with a definite 'no', saying that Rob was in charge and I was happy with the way things were.
The second year ends, and over the summer, the server goes through a small lull. I was unable to perform my usual role due to internet issues and being employed, so the server responsibilities fell to the other admins. To their credit, partway through July they did indeed increase community engagement and spent more time playing together with the members of the server. Even Rob, who until now had only appeared a handful of times, started showing up more often. Around this time, Ron and James also create an NSFW channel and start posting copious amounts of rule34 and rendered porn. As we did not have roles, however, this was not an opt-in channel. I had to manually go through the server and restrict users who were underage from being able to access the channel using an override. Despite a number of users voicing their discomfort at this channel, Rob decided that it was funny so it stayed.
Then, one day near the end of July, as I left work and checked Discord on my phone, I received a barrage of notifications. At my work, I had no access to Discord, and so I returned to find dozens of messages waiting for me. Whilst I had been away, a new role had been created, titled "furry trash". One user had been given this role, and they were highlighted in red and in a separate category in the sidebar. When I checked the role's permissions, I found out that they weren't able to interact with the server in any way. They couldn't message in text channels or speak in voice channels. The messages I had received were from people confused and asking what this was about, and whether I had been aware of it. I immediately messaged Rob and said that this was over the line and that it needed to go. Thankfully, he did remove the role from that user and I then deleted it altogether.
Sadly, the damage from this had already been done. One of the very first members to join the server, a pillar of the community, had left the server and messaged me their reasoning in private. They felt that they did not associate with the direction that the server was heading in and no longer felt comfortable there. They had felt this way for a while, but this incident had been the last straw. I was distraught, and asked them if there was any way for this to go forward without losing them. We talked about how we felt regarding the server, and came to realise that we both had very similar views. So we decided to try creating a server of our own, to see if what we envisioned could work.
Over the next two days, we worked on making a server with our goals in mind. There were a robust set of rules, user-controlled customisation using the "Reaction Role" bot, proper categorisation and a dedicated support channel. A support channel was one of the attempted changes I made to the first server after numerous requests, but that Rob deleted. On the new server, we felt that it was an extremely important inclusion.
Whilst testing out these features, we invited a couple of our friends from the original server to help. One of these friends was Maya. I forgot to mention to her that this was not common knowledge yet, and so she accidentally mentioned to James that I had created a second server. Upon finding this out, Rob removed me from the original server and James began removing users whom he felt were "inactive". This all happened while I was at work, so when I returned at the end of the day I had panicked messages from members of the server asking what was going on. I had disappeared and other people were being removed from the server one by one.
I messaged a friend of mine, 'Tim', who was still on the first server and asked him to send everyone who was disappearing or still on the server invite links to the second server. My first concern was in making sure no-one disappeared for good, as not everyone was on the friends list of another user. As it turns out, a half dozen to a dozen people were lost during this transition and deletion.
During this all, Rob had blocked me and I had received an angry message from Mike asking me why I had done this. Tim and I were good friends, but Tim had known Mike for years before we had ever met, so I asked Tim to help mediate the discussion between us. He collected James, Mike, and me into a call and we talked about what had happened. A compromise was reached, of me being given access to the original server as a standard user and of James and Mike gaining administrator roles on the second server. Rob wanted no part of the second server. The friend who co-founded the second server with me, Tim, and one other friend also became administrators on the second server.
Much of the community was confused by what was going on during this phase, but soon the dust settled and things were back to normal. However, almost everyone was using the second server. The only ones regularly using the first server were Rob, James and Mik
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
hU3yzEohvXoDg5mrzOTPmeL2h6sCJlIr
|
amcasg
|
{
"description": "getting rid of friendships to work on myself and accomplish my goals",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting rid of friendships to work on myself and accomplish my goals?
|
Let me start from the beginning. I met a girl that I considered a friend at one time. She decided to become my friend because she thought I was funny at first. As our relationship became stronger, she told me she was depressed, however I believed she wasn’t. She always said it and always told me constantly, to the point where it was only for attention. As a good friend, I payed attention to her and try to give her emotional support. I tried to establish a relationship with her once or twice, but it didn’t work. Along the way, I would tell her my thoughts on improving myself, but she would claim that I was acting selfish, when I was simply pointing out that I would have to start hanging out with her and her friends less due to me starting to lift at the gym and telling her that I needed to start caring about myself over everyone else first. A lot of this ended with her threatening to kill herself and telling me we couldn’t be friends if this happened. And it continued. However, she snapped at me because she and her boyfriend were acting extra flirty when I was around. She claims she didn’t do it on purpose, but she always acted extra intimate around him while I was near. Small flirting and kissing would turn into asking for sex from one another. When I asked them to stop as politely as I could, she started getting all pissy with me and asked me if I was jealous. I wasn’t, due to me being in another relationship and still retaining friendship. And I told her such, but she wouldn’t talk to me until about an hour later. She confronted me about this, and I told her that I thought it was annoying and that I was not jealous. She kept pushing until she started with the excuses again. I called her out on the bullshit and she said she was never talking to me again due to me wanting to care about myself first over others. I told her that I was simply doing what I had to do and then she blocked me on all social media, deleted my phone number, and hasn’t talked to me in a week. Am I the asshole In this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Iy6UruxTAfQlG7iz0U0dyYBSzKEKWRb5
|
aa98r9
|
{
"description": "not wanting kids for the fear they could be severely disabled",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting kids for the fear they could be severely disabled?
|
I’m in the education field and I attend many IEP (special ed) meetings. So often, parents of children with severe disabilities (I’m talking severe/violent behaviors; non-verbal; severe physical disabilities, etc) say there’s no family history of the disorder and doctors have said there’s no rhyme or reason for why their child was born with or developed the disorder. I’m scared to death this could happen to me. I know myself well enough that I could not handle the situation as these awesome parents do. So, does it make me the asshole because I don’t want to risk being in that situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
WmADlJLhMc0mNTiQ3jYLU7arAPQhI8Em
|
apr9oo
|
{
"description": "going to the gym sick",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for going to the gym sick?
|
I’ve had a runny nose for the past few days, but I’ve still been going to the gym. I’ve been wiping the equipment I use thoroughly with the disinfecting wipes they have provided at the gym, but obviously there’s still some risk of getting other people sick. Am I the asshole for not wanting to take a few days off at the gym even though there’s a chance I might get someone else sick?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
TN3ka4sn0Mw2NLoDw52RPaOhajQWga2C
|
b8w244
|
{
"description": "dropping a c-bomb on my parents",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for dropping a C-bomb on my parents?
|
So a few years ago I was visiting my parents from university (where, admittedly, I’d gone soft and was quite offended by a lot of things). We were about to watch a movie and my dad went to the kitchen to get some snacks. He brought back some liquorice candies that are somewhat shaped like humans and asked if I wanted a “nigger baby”.
Naturally I was quite shocked by a white guy using a historically brutal word in such a casual way, so I said something along the lines of, “Good god, could you please not use that word?”
My parents found this really amusing and explained that this is the name they called the candies when they were children and it wasn’t a big deal. I tried to explain my point, but they laughed it off and kept calling the candies by the name they prefer.
Over the years they still refer to the candies by that term and I’ve taken to ignoring them since they just want a rise out of me, but recently I had a great idea. I’ve spent a lot of time around Aussies and have become really desensitized to the word “cunt”. (We’re North American so this is the holy grail of curse words.)
So when I was visiting my parents this time and my dad asked me if I wanted some n-word babies I said, “Yeah, I’d like some of those tasty cunts.”
My stepmom’s jaw dropped and my dad quickly admonished me, saying he didn’t raise his daughter to use that language. I said it was just a word, hoping they’d notice the parallels to their use of a word I don’t like, but man were they rattled. We watched a movie and I tried to make awkward small-talk before bed without much luck.
Everything is normal now and it hasn’t been brought up again, but now I’m wondering if I’m the asshole for using a word I know my parents hate to prove a point?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
nzbHakr8fIx33moZ6idjG3mRvXhCcWOj
|
ao8i10
|
{
"description": "not seeing what I did was so bad in this situation",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA not seeing what i did was so bad in this situation?
|
hi,
​
​
this is a really long story. to start, i (FTM 17) was in an abusive friendship for around 4 years, we'll call him P (M17). P was awful. he touched me, sexually harassed and at one point grabbed my ass, would stalk me and control me, and lots of other things. i stopped being his friend and had the confidence to get out of the friendship when i started dating my current boyfriend who we'll call S (M17). when i stopped being P's friend he got extremely upset (he also harassed us and tried to manipulate us into sex).
​
onto the next person, i'm sorry i'm not sure how to word this whole situation. there are two parts. my friend A (19M) was my online friend for about 6 years or so. when i started dating S i did start to fall out of contact with him, not just because of my relationship but because i was trying to become more social with people irl. A and i got in a big fight starting when i was drunk and mentioned i was thinking about killing myself. he contacted P asking for my mom's info to let my mom know what was happening, and instead of being mad at A i was mad at P for giving away my information. A knew all the things that P has done, but decided to stop being friends with me and go to P's side. i'm not sure if P manipulated him into becoming his friend, but that doesn't matter. A is known for using hard drugs. my boyfriend threatened to turn him into the police (even after i said not to) due to this because of all the times he has upset me. when i mentioned that i was trying to stop him to do that A got mad at me because i wasn't trying "hard enough" to protect him. long story short, i was told i'm a manipulative snake who cares about no one but myself for deciding to no longer be friends with A (i sent him a message telling him we should break off the friendship, to which he responded saying how i'm manipulative)
​
i'm honestly really confused with this situation and how i'm being called the manipulative asshole and a snake. P is saying i was worse than he ever was and that i'm awful and i'm honestly really confused??? i'll update and try and get more info
​
tl;dr: stopped being someone's friend and ex friend left me for abusive ex friend. idk how to summarize this
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
rzZ7fpdpF1jo6cjaRnD84KtYQTg4ToHD
|
a4gq3y
|
{
"description": "calling my husband a shit head",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling my husband a shit head?
|
I came out of the bathroom, and my husband asked me if I washed my hands (I did) and I asked him wtf kind of a question is that. He said he didn’t hear the tap running.
It rubbed me the wrong way because he’s a germophobe and my hygiene standards are never up to par with him, but I always wash my hands after using the bathroom. This isn’t the first time he’s asked this and I don’t like the fact that he’s keeping track of me washing my hands so I called him a shithead. Now he’s upset with me. I apologized and he’s still upset.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
nVRgP8MGVeoEKkTiY6wgzqpiITBHkdbi
|
aghtoj
|
{
"description": "telling my neighbours to move their garbage cans",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I tell my neighbours to move their garbage cans
|
So, my neighbours always leave their trash cans beside the porch, in-between the space separating our homes. During the summer, they can kind of get smelly due to heat, but mostly they’re just an eyesore. I don’t have a problem with it, but my parents want to leave a note asking the neighbours to kindly move the bins into their garage/backyard/away from our porch. My mom especially is a really neat person, and the smell and sight of them just really bugs her. They’re wondering if a note would come off as passive aggressive, or a petty thing to do since it isn’t a HUGE deal. They definitely do not want to offend the neighbours and the garbage cans are technically not on our property.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
RDoPEodW3sAN2eulyhKgLdWyvx1DNVCg
|
abjubc
|
{
"description": "winning games of pool because of playing by professional rules",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for winning games of pool because of playing by professional rules?
|
A buddy of mine were at a bar playing pool, when a couple of guys approached us and we decided to play doubles for buckets of beer. Well first they knocked in the 8 ball, clear loss, we win a bucket. Rack em again, we’re playing, they table scratch, so ball in hand for us, they get mad because they never heard of that rule. Sorry not sorry, that’s the rule, we win that round again, then they scratch on the break. Ball in hand again, we shoot around, they were gonna win but they bank the 8 ball across the table without calling a pocket, we insist that a shot like that needs to be called (I wouldn’t have cared honestly if the shot was obviously meant for that pocket, but there was a lot of bouncing around rails, i’m gonna need you to call that.) so he fouled on the 8 ball, that’s a loss. Then he gets mad calls us ass holes and says he’s not playing for beer anymore but he’ll still play with us if we stop being sticklers about the rules. Are we the ass holes for treating it like a professional game of pool when we’re just shooting around at a hole in the wall bar? We ended up paying for the next bucket to show there were no hard feelings.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
bHfSXFb268ZovWvLZeRJZULjPTzQVnqX
|
b5ksqc
|
{
"description": "making someone choose a different activity",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: for making someone choose a different activity?
|
I was playing basketball today at my local rec center and we had just divided up teams. There we 10 players, enough for a 5v5 game. There were also a few young women in the other side from us as we organized who were shooting the ball. Now normally once the game starts the other people shooting around move off to the other courts but today all the courts are full. These two gals did not move. We played a 20 minute game of basketball with 2 moving picks on one end. Wouldn't even move off the court while we were down that end, instead standing and shooting their ball at the free throw line or Snapchatting or talking on the phone while play went on around them.
Here's where my question comes in. I felt this was super rude and disrespectful of us and the rules of the gym. These rules are posted on the wall, no half court is to be played when there are 10 or more participants. No one else wanted to ask these ladies to move off our court so I decided to go have a chat with the staff about to rule enforcement. The gentleman I spoke to dealt with the situation and we moved on with the game but the girls said things to us and made hand gestures as they went to do something else. Am I the asshole for making them move?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
W1QL4ylSIa7ReQVCP7jD9OF4AlKsXyfF
|
aasf6w
|
{
"description": "not wanting a friend to stay with me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting a friend to stay with me?
|
I have a friend who lives about 10 hours from me and every few months he decides to come down to my city to hang out, problem is, he always asks me a day or so before if he can crash at my house for some time.
Now i am good friends with this guy and wouldn't really mind a few days but it just annoys me that he's always relying on me to give him accommodation (and feed him, he hates spending money). He has other friends that he can ask but doesn't because he doesn't think they'd say yes.
I've let him stay about a week long in the past, but recently he's asking if he can stay at my house while i'm away for a two week period, and then stay on longer after that.
​
AITA for asking him to get his own accommodation this time?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
bG2xHZGkSv1G9q3uQOzEx4dEIieE7cSp
|
azzte4
|
{
"description": "not giving my girlfriend my family members phone numbers for a MLM scheme",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not giving my girlfriend my family members phone numbers for a MLM scheme?
|
So my girlfriend quit her job several weeks ago and was looking for a job. She saw a post on Instagram that was advertising a job and was able to get hired at this insurance company. However, it turns out this insurance company is Primerica which sounds like a MLM scheme. She basically told me she needs to do set up some appointments and recruit 3 other people to get some type of bonus. She asked me for my family members phones numbers so she can try to set up some appointments with them. I told her I wasn't comfortable giving her the phone numbers since it sounds like a MLM scheme. So now she's upset with me and isn't answering any of my messages. I talked to my friends about it and they told me I should've just given her the phone numbers.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
joPPSJCub1x36kI7QgZfDVsTo2cjIQmx
|
a68bxq
|
{
"description": "caring about that my best friend had sex with my ex after a breakup with left me suicidial",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA because i care about that my best friend had sex with my ex after a breakup with left me suicidial?
|
To make a long Story short my ex cheated on me during our complete relationship. That fact left me Suicidial. My best friend had sex with my ex after the breakup. Mutual Friends acused me of beeing an asshole because i didnt want to be friends with him anymore. Apparently it was "None of my Buisness" and i am "still treating her like my property"! So am i the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
s10u7LtFRnwjVJPn2AqAwSSFM5RR5R5m
|
awm1lh
|
{
"description": "commenting that some cosplayers looked like guys",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for commenting that some cosplayers looked like guys?
|
So, a little context. I was scrolling through r/DDLC and a saw a picture of two girls cosplaying as sayori and natsuki. It’s been so long that I don’t even remember what the comment was but it went a little like this; “bruh why do they look like guys?”. I meant it as a innocent quip. Then, about 6 months later, I make a post asking what the dokis think of all the protecters and fanbois. Someone (who I’m assuming is one of the mods) then calls me out saying; “I think they think higher of people who don’t say that cosplayers look like guys”. That got me thinking; am I the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
lOcBLwg0dSiq0IpgJM1JGT1IuRdI6Btm
|
alosvc
|
{
"description": "being a loser and not going to ikea with my wife",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being a loser and not going to ikea with my wife?
|
I’ll try to be brief and objective but that’s likely not possible. Also, apologies for the clickbaity title. And before I continue, I want to make it clear that I do love my wife and truly believe she is a great, beautiful, & wonderful person, which only adds on the internal guilt I have about all this.
My wife and I have been married for 1.5 years now. We did a quick courthouse marriage because we moved to Europe (from the US) suddenly after she got accepted for a masters program in her field, and free tuition was too tempting to refuse. It was also her dream to do this since before we met, so I understood this was inevitable. I was very apprehensive because I’m terrified of leaving my comfort zone of family, friends, & a good job...plus I don’t speak the language here but have been (lazily) studying to get better.
Anyways, fast forward a year and a half, and we’re still making it work here. However, there’s an underlying animosity simmering between us that is occasionally released in the form of verbal fights and tantrums on both sides. She is doing well at school and easily making friends which I am incredibly proud of, especially considering she had difficulty with making friends in the states and was generally unhappy there. However, I am now ironically the unhappy one with no friends. Probably doesn’t help that I work from home. I am “friends” with all of her friends that we meet up with and I feel like they’re all good people who enjoy my company when I’m with them, but I can’t help feel like an outsider with not much in common. I have no drive to socialize or maintain good personal health & hygiene (no regular haircuts, no doctor visits since the move, etc), and every outing with friends feels like a chore. My everyday routine is to feed our cats and clean their litter box, work, sometimes go to the gym, work more, vacuum/laundry/dishes, then watch Netflix while my brain turns off. Everyday I feel more and more like a loser and it is seriously depressing me. My wife notices when I’m feeling down and tries to reassure me that everything will be fine, but that somehow just depresses me further. She constantly wants to renovate and add/replace our furniture, which usually sparks an argument since I see no point in investing so much money when we’re planning to leave the country in a year or two. But I am a pushover so we usually make up by buying all the furniture anyways. Normally this would be fine since I understand her arguments that we need to make the home OUR home, and she does try to find affordable items when possible, but we only have one income between us so our budget is tight.
My wife gets upset easily but also forgives and moves on quickly. I’m almost the opposite, where most things aren’t upsetting but when I get mad, these emotions linger until I can get some time and space to myself and calm down. Our last argument was about going to ikea to grab some more items that were missing from our cabinet, among other things. She asked if we can go tomorrow, so I sigh and begrudgingly say ok but that I have a lot of work to finish. But my response upsets her because in her mind, she shouldn’t have to force me to do things like this that are meant for us. I agree, but she argues that this reminds her of all the other things that I’m lazy about and have given up on. I get mad and yell back that I have all this work to do and that I already said I’ll go. But deep down, I feel like she’s right and im just being overly defensive because I don’t see the point in doing much of anything these days. Like I mentioned, doing anything outside of my routine feels like a huge chore, but I hate feeling so lazy and useless.
Writing all of this makes me realize that I am the asshole and am being unfair to her. Part of me feels so guilty about bringing her down when she’s been doing so well here. Part of me is resentful for even being here just to basically fund her European college experience while getting no appreciation for it, and for her not understanding how tough of a time I’m having here when she also had a similarly tough time when we were together in the states. Most of me just feels like a loser for regressing in life and being away from family.
So...foregone conclusion aside, AITA?
And if so, is there any advice to help change my mindset so I can quit being one?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
MfhZOjSQ3jqAwU41mAaEA6th5gl8Qvgw
|
av8gkp
|
{
"description": "wearing a cowboy hat to a concert",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wearing a cowboy hat to a concert?
|
First of all I’m short, so there were plenty of people there who where above me even with the hat on.
And it was a country music concert.
But the weird thing was that nobody else there was wearing a cowboy hat except the people in the bands.
So I felt a little weird since I was the only one wearing one but I was already inside so I didn’t have much of a choice but to leave it on and just go with it.
And somebody behind me even said “hey, can you move or take the hat off so I can see?”
Whether or not I’m an asshole, I won’t be wearing a cowboy hat to another concert.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
8mu31abzJpodvzn6iflOqQtopULfqPsj
|
9xzjle
|
{
"description": "leaving my job",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my job?
|
I work in a restaurant and recently we had a few people leave the kitchen and a few from the front. Now our owner, who also acts as manager and chef, is working a station on the line and still maintaining the kitchen prep and business while me and the one other cook left work our regular jobs and pick up the slack. We're also in a city where cooks are few and far between and the few interviews we've had don't show up to their first day. Seriously, like 5 people in a row.
Thing is, I hate my job and have for almost a solid year, but I stayed because the money is decent and I didn't have another job to go to. However, that just changed. My fiancee got a full time job and I just lined up another position somewhere with better hours that's generally a better fit for me. My job now feels toxic for me, my coworkers are mean and mock each other for fun, the work is stressful, long hours mean that I don't see my fiancee as much as I'd like and I'm always tired because I never get enough sleep.
However, my chef is a good guy. He's a bit of a dick sometimes and he doesn't show me the kind of respect I feel I deserve, but he isn't an asshole and if I leave I might actually be the final nail in his restaurants coffin if he can't find people within a week of my leaving. He doesn't deserve to have his business destroyed is what I mean. Not to mention, I'm actually really close with the few of my coworkers that aren't jerks so leaving will completely ruin work for them, pumping up stress and generally ensuring nobody has a good time.
I know that what's best for me is leaving and you have to look out for number 1, I just feel like such an asshole doing it right now. The timing couldn't be worse.
So am I the asshole for leaving during the most stressful time of the year both in season and situation to do what's better for me in the long run?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
v3TvF6TeO5e6gVrc8vlAabgbvUnl6LOm
|
aau8v5
|
{
"description": "calling someones bluff who constantly threatens suicide",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for calling someones bluff who constantly threatens suicide?
|
Sorry if this is a bit mundane. I feel like context is important even if it is just drama.
Today, I was trying to make pasta for myself for dinner. I called my roommate over to clean a pot that he'd left dirty. Here's vaguely how the exchange went:
Me: Hey, can you clean this pot you used?
Him: But there's food left in it, and I'm saving it for later.
(There wasn't even an eighth of a box of Mac and cheese in the pot, not enough to even justify reheating.)
Me: You left it in the fridge uncovered. It's just going to get gross, please come clean it
After some back and forth, he finally got to cleaning it, whining the whole time. I asked if I could get to the sink for like 10 seconds. He'd been complaining about having to actually clean up after himself the whole time, and I was pretty fed up at this point.
Him: Why didn't you wait until you were done to make me come in here and clean this up? You're just getting in my way now.
Me, annoyed at this point: Please. Just shut the fuck up.
Him: Fine, I know you don't want me here anyways, I'm going to leave tomorrow. I'm not going to pay rent and I'm going to move my stuff out tomorrow. I'm going to kill myself, I'm going to leave and jump off the bridge into the river
He does this whenever something doesn't go his way, no matter how small. This is not an exaggeration.
Me: Either do it, or shut the fuck up. Quit fucking scrounging for sympathy, it's not going to work on me. Fuck off.
I then went to my room. Now, the issue I'm running into, is my friends who watched this exchange are pissed at me, because I 'told someone to kill themselves.' He does this literally every time he's told no, or I ask to be left alone, and I feel like I finally stood up to his threats, and I was met with harsh disapproval from my friends. Am I in the wrong here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
RIGHT
|
0CMkPGBFSFIapboR6SgIzqpooW7t86iK
|
azyy3v
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend she is a \"strong, independent woman\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend she is a "strong, independent woman"?
|
My (21M) girlfriend of 8 months (21F) does not drive and busses home from work. She lives about 15 minutes away. We are both in college. The other day, she asked me to start walking her home from the bus station. The thing is, this is a huge inconvenience for me. I don't have a car up here, so I'd have to bus 30 min to where she gets off to walk her home. I have a huge courseload, so I would not want to do this on a regular basis. I told her she's a strong independent woman, and that women do not need men to help and protect them. She has pepper spray too, and this isn't Detroit, so it's not like she is in any danger.
She's mad at me now. I don't think I did anything wrong. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
ZuXs3GajpCEutHmmbjLfDM59HBAMi1lG
|
ajlg0m
| null |
AITA everyone at my work blames me for girls lost $1000 phone.
|
AITA??? Ok so I just started working at this place and barely know the people, it was about 9pm when one of my co workers (female) says she lost her phone, she put it down and went to the bathroom and came back and it was gone. As I heard this I was already talking to two other co workers who were both male and I told them that I had the phone? But while I said this I was smiling as in I was joking. I even started laughing then told them I was just fucking with them. Turns out one of the dudes told her and then she told everyone else and they all started questioning me. She works on the side of the restaurant and I work at the front, I was their like the whole day because I was training as I said this was my second day. They ended up searching me and finding nothing and then I apologized to girl for making the joke and I told her it was inappropriate. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
XK7fAnCwsldDVu6BjKwkN42Me8tIsiZf
|
aeqey8
| null |
AITA Lost In Translation?
|
Playing an online strategy game against an opponent. The game has an "undo" button that sends a request to the opponent. If approved, the game undoes the last move. In any case, the client freezes, so naturally, I request an undo to attempt the unfreeze the client. The opponent does not respond to the "undo" request. I type a quick "Hello?" and learn the opponent is Japanese. With me purely using Google Translate, the following ensues. They seem to be upset at me over something, but I am unable to determine what it is. That said, can a fluent arbiter determine if Am I the Asshole?
​
\*\*\*
ME: Hello?
OPPONENT: ん？なんで煽ってんの？
ME: 遊べない
OPPONENT: 黙ってUNDOしようとして、さらに煽るとか
OPPONENT: さすがにノーマナーだわ
Undo request was cancelled.
ME: それは私がゾンビスパイを終わらせることはできません
OPPONENT: うんうんそれで？
ME: Its frozen
ME: その冷凍
OPPONENT: 煽ってるの？
OPPONENT: まーた煽る
OPPONENT: なんなの？
ME: I can not move! Help me!
OPPONENT: まずは煽ったことについて
OPPONENT: 意地でも謝らないんだね
ME: 手伝って頂けますか UNDO? Or no?
ME: I'm sorry; I am stuck1
OPPONENT: いやちゃんとしようよ
ME: ゲームは私に前進させません
OPPONENT: それ以前の話してるんだけど
ME: それはあなたが移動を元に戻すことを可能にしますか？
OPPONENT: その前のことね
ME: 私は翻訳を使っているので、お詫び申し上げます。
OPPONENT: ただそれじゃだめでしょ
OPPONENT: 無言でUNDOしてきて、ハロー？って煽るとかないわ
ME: LOL
ME: What do you mean "I do not have to push it"
ME: 「プッシュする必要はない」とはどういう意味ですか？
OPPONENT: 押す必要がない
Undo request was cancelled.
ME: 何を押す？
OPPONENT: 知りません
ME: リクエストを承認できますか UNDO？ それともできないのですか？
OPPONENT: 煽る相手にわざわざUNDOさせると思うの？
OPPONENT: 相手も人間というのをお忘れなく
ME: Sorry for poor translation. I am unable to play.
ME: 貧弱な翻訳でごめんね。 私は遊ぶことができません。
OPPONENT: 翻訳のせいにするな
OPPONENT: 私はあなたの無礼さに怒っている
ME: なぜあなたは私の失礼に怒っているのですか？
OPPONENT: 失礼なことをされたからです
ME: 私の謝罪、しかしゲームは私が続けることを可能にしません。
ME: 私はあなたと一緒に問題を解決することを望んでいます。
OPPONENT: そうかもしれないが、失礼と解決は別の問題です
ME: 謝罪するが、話す唯一の方法は翻訳です。私はその翻訳をすべての信仰をもって受け入れなければなりません。
OPPONENT: 翻訳のことは考慮してる、それとは別です
ME: 私が遊び続けないことに憤慨していますか
OPPONENT: 違います
ME: それならなぜあなたは怒っていますか？
OPPONENT: 失礼なことをされたからです、内容については2度述べました
ME: I do not understand. Can you be more specific?
ME: 理解できません。もっと具体的にできますか？
OPPONENT: 2度も言ったので読み返してください
ME: 翻訳を考えると、読み返すのは難しいです。 もう一度教えてください。
OPPONENT: 最初から申し訳なく思ってれば、言われたときに理解できたのではないですか？
ME: お詫び申し上げます、私はまだ理解していません。 私はあなたと状況を直そうとしているということを信じてください。
OPPONENT: それは信じるよ
OPPONENT: でも無言でUNDOしようとして、ハロー？って煽るのは失礼です
ME: あなたはゲームを終了しても構わないと思っていますか？ それとも立ち往生？
OPPONENT: なぜそこでまた煽るんだ
ME: "Hello？" また、接続が機能しているかどうかの単なるテストです。
OPPONENT: じゃあ最初と同じ「テスト」でいいじゃん
ME: 私は謝罪します。 文化は異なるかもしれません。 質問としての「こんにちは」は単に「あなたはそこにいますか」という意味です。 無礼は意図されていません。
ME: Since I am frozen, it is unclear if I am connected to the game.
ME: 私はフリーズしているので、ゲームに接続しているかどうかは不明です。
ME: 私たちは遊び続けることができますか？それともゲームは立ち往生していますか
ME: taguchi1, are you still there?
ME: taguchi1、まだそこにいますか？
Undo request granted
ME: Thank You.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
RvMvoJLUvbPxSGr5oXdYbyp7nR7P8ABO
|
at0jnz
|
{
"description": "not telling my girfriend about my past in porn",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA For not telling my girfriend about my past in porn?
|
I use the term "star" loosely but I did star in fourteen different porn videos from 2016 to 2017 when i lived in San Diego. I gave it all up and left the state after realizing i didnt want to do it anymore and because i was stressed and had anxiety.
I am 25 now living in colorado and am training to be a paramedic. Ive been dating a girl here for 7 months who has no idea about my past.
The issue is my face is visible online and even though all of my work was vanilla I obviously dont want people to know as, well, nobody knows. Not even my parents or siblings. I just told them I was a student.
My girlfriend believes that im sort of a shy inexperienced guy and she is sorta religious. Not extremely but enough to frown upon porn. She will have sex with me but she frowns upon prostitution and things like that.
Recently one of my older videos reached the front page of a top porn site and revealed my face for a solid 15 seconds as part of a comp. Someone on facebook has messaged me about it, "Are you cheating on (my gf)".
I blocked them immediately but now im worried and am thinking about telling my gf before this person possibly tells her. But AITA for not telling her? Should i feel guilty about it?
Obviously i didnt cheat. And it is in the past and is my business. But does my gf have the right to know about that part of my life?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
2BSqQW1kiO8qSoyMo4NMqpfvNpxTt768
|
b1w7sl
|
{
"description": "calling the cops on my flatmate",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if i call the cops on my flatmate?
|
A bit of back story about this I'm trans (24 MTF) and a survivor.
Back in November 2018, day after Turkey day here in the states our landlord calls up my fiancee and I telling us that our downstairs neighbor is moving in with us because he can't find anyone to fill the other room in his apartment or the other room in our apartment and assures us we'll get along fine. Nope.
The roommate who we'll call, Jack walks around in his underwear at night when he's piss drunk, and mind you as a trans woman who is a survivor any cis male who is older than me who I did not consent to seeing like that makes me feel very unsafe, he's broken a beer Stine, because of how drunk he's been, he's broken his bedroom's door frame after getting into a shouting match with my fiancee, he always leaves the door to our apartment unlocked even after the building was robbed. He's tried to get me a job in adult entertainmeant with out my consent. He's threatened retaliation if we call the cops on him.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
vRnMVjFTkGUMEnYOyYiVEj7Pvgj7qtvi
|
awx19l
| null |
AITA, told my cousin I spend more time with my kids than she does
|
I took a 5 day vacation away from my husband and two young kids. I was discussing this at a family gathering a few weeks ago. My cousin, who has a kid about the same age as my youngest, kept saying how she could “never.” “I could never be away from her like that... you aren’t scared?” “Me and my husband are really attached, we wouldn’t want to be away from each other like that.” She said multiple things like that, several times said specifically that “she could never.”
Finally I was like, “I bet if you spent as much time with your husband or kid as I do with mine, you’d feel differently.” She was immediately taken aback, and didn’t say another word. I wasn’t trying to piss her off, I just trying to make a point. I’m with my kids and my husband A LOT. These 5 days are going to be just fine for me.
I am a stay at home mom. She works a full time job, plus a part time job. Her husband does the same thing, so I can only imagine they aren’t together a lot. My whole point was that that’s probably why she feels like she can’t, and I feel like I can.
We just went to a mutual friends wedding, this cousin was very cold to me. After everyone had a few drinks, a different mutual friend told me she was mad at me because I bragged that I got to be with my kids more than she does. I immediately knew what this was in reference too, although I wasn’t bragging.
I don’t think I did anything wrong. My comment was in response to her multiple comments. And it wasn’t anymore a bitchy thing to say than her saying she could “never” do something that I was just about to go do.
So what do you guys think? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 17,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
WRONG
|
6HZtBeJPUzvLgU9Gml3mEi4JbNnzGkzI
|
a0uvyw
|
{
"description": "not finding my wife sexually attractive following full colectomy",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not finding my wife sexually attractive following full colectomy?
|
Using a throwaway because I’m not ready to share these feelings with anyone who knows me.
A little background, I started dating my wife in high school and we have been together for 15 years and married for 7. My wife is the most beautiful, caring, kind hearted, and affectionate woman I have ever met.
About 10 years ago she was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, an Irritable Bowel Disease similar to Chrons Disease, except that it is isolated to the colon. After years of failed medications, we made the decision about a year ago to opt for surgery.
Surgery entailed removing her entire colon (large intestine), creating a stoma, and attaching an ileostomy bag. With the surgery my wife is now symptom free and happier than I have ever seen her.
There is a follow up surgery called J-Pouch surgery, where they remove the stoma, create a sudo-colon by stretching the small intestine, and reattaching it to the anus. Our plan is too get this surgery, however, it affects the ability to get pregnant and we also want to start a family. So our plan with the surgeon was to have our kids, and then go for this surgery afterwards.
This is where the problem comes in. My wife’s biggest fear going into all of this was that I would no longer find her attractive. If I am being completely honest, I had a slight fear of this too, but to me her health was priority 1 and I didn’t want to see her suffer with her disease anymore. To me she was (and still is) the most beautiful woman in the world and nothing would change that.
Post surgery, I am having a hard time being intimate with her. I do not find her stoma repulsive but it does make me uncomfortable, and things like going down on her (which I used to love) are unpleasant for me now.
I’m worried that if I share my feelings with her, I will break her heart and strain our marriage, but I’m also not sure how long I can fake intimacy. Everything about our life and relationship post surgery has been exponentially better, minus our intimacy.
Am I the asshole for no longer finding my wife sexually attractive and hiding those feelings from her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xTWvDe5WdS7IYQtkcdrcfRqTeM0G0ph3
|
aw8v25
|
{
"description": "looking up my mother's new boyfriend in the county records",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for looking up my mother’s new boyfriend in the county records?
|
My mother was with my stepdad for a long time. He physically and emotionally abused us, and sexually abused my sister before he finally got caught, arrested, and sent to prison, all while she stood by with her fingers in her ears because she “loves” him and refused to see the bad in him. I don’t think they’ve officially gotten divorced but they’ve since been separated and estranged. Since then she’s been dating. And they all look a lot like my ex stepdad, strangely enough. She goes through them pretty quickly, sees them for a couple months then on to the next dude. Well now she told me she’s been with this dude for 5 months so I looked him up. And of course the guy has a criminal history. Aggravated burglary, criminal damage, criminal trespassing, and domestic violence. Plus the dude doesn’t seem to know where his seat belt is since he has 3 separate seatbelt charges in as many years. So I told her and she got pissed, asking me if i didn’t trust her to pick a decent guy. Well no, I don’t, considering I was abused from the age of 3 to my early 20s while she stood by and allowed it to happen. I told her if she didn’t stop lying to herself about the men she’s dating, then I didn’t want to continue our relationship anymore. She’s always asking me to let the kids stay for a week or two over the summer and I just don’t trust her to take care of them, especially since I know how attached she gets to her men. If one of those guys touched my children while they were under her supervision I don’t think I could forgive myself. Anyway she basically called me a bitch and that I needed to stay out of her business.
So AITA for running a background search on her boyfriend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ymGFvCHn6phTWy65mQQjo4ebujTWlFo6
|
9ubtgh
| null |
AITA Ex-Boyfriend and his lady friend
|
i'm pretty positive the title says it but i need to know if i made the right choice.
To make a very long story short, i began dating this guy who had been my friend for 8 years. We had tried before but it didn't end well but we remained distant friends. around the beginning of 2017 i began talking to him more again and by July we began dating. He asked if i wanted to be his girlfriend and i said yes and we went out a few times.
Then craziness happened. My brother and his wife got evicted from their home and moved in with me at the same time as my mother had collapsed and needed more care so she also moved in. I made some small time here and there to at least meet up twice a month and we constantly called and texted one another.
Enter to lady friend. I didn't know about her until after we broke up in February but according to friend reports and from her own mouth, she began chatting him up in August. They became official together in December. Remember what i said before? We broke up in February. We started dating in July. He was chatting with her and friendly in August.
Now, i know i was busy with my family drama. I tried to make time for him around helping my brother move out faster and caring for my mother. I know 2 times a month isn't that often and i thought he would have told me if it wasn't enough.
The part that i'm asking about is that after we broke up i put our friendship on hold while i sorted through my feelings about what happened. After a few months of thought and debate i decided i didn't want to be his friend because i felt afraid that i would try to go out with him again and i didn't want to associate with a guy who plays 2 girls that way, I went and blocked him on all social media, his cell number, our gaming systems, everything. I got the gaming system last but he had already unfriended me and said i had cheated first but i had deleted him message before reading any further. i didn't want to hear his excuses or reflections. i wasn't even talking to anyone guy outside my own family anymore, not wanting to offend or upset him in any way.
I'm just wondering if i did the right thing... recently our common friend's mother died and i want to be there for her but he is always there first. The one time i tried to talk to her in public he showed up and wanted to talk privately with me and i shook my head and left. i want to be there for her but i'm afraid if i try then he will be there to try and talk to me. i feel as if i have to face my decision by either upholding my thought and intentions of blocking him and not being there for my friend or if i uphold my ban of him on my life but not being able to be there for her.
TLDR: My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with another girl and then i decided i didn't even want to be his friend anymore, blocking him on every outlet of conversation we could have had. Now a friend's mother passed and he is using this as a way to get back into my life.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
U1GkbUSbR8ifYE0OLGxpJTOKERvB0rX6
|
aq10vt
| null |
AITA in a break up that happened almost a year and a half ago?
|
Get ready for a long one, because this is a MESS. Sorry for any poor formatting, as I am on mobile.
Mid 2017 I started dating a girl who I went to school with and reconnected with. At the time I was 20(m and now 22) and she was 18 (now 20). We hit it off super well, had a lot of talks about life and our experiences. Dreams, aspirations, life, world views and all the kinds of things people around our age talk about. Everything between us matched up incredibly well. Her family adored me, despite them being very critical of any guy she had brought home during high school. They invited me to any family gathering they had, took her and I out for dinner and such. Within 2 months we were deeply involved in each others lives and pushing each other out of our respective comfort zones and very happy.
An important piece of my personality and my life is that I was in an abusive relationship for two years in high school. As a result, I have some degree of PTSD along with genetic depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I was up front about that on our first date when we went out hiking, and told her I'm very much working on myself but I dont take that as an excuse. She definitely helped me learn to communicate in a more healthy way and any time I had issues with something, I would be vocal about it and take the time to work through it for myself. She always told me it was never a bother to her and she was proud of me for working on myself and building my career at the same time.
Come November, my extended family came to visit and it got my head in a bad place. Again, something I was open with her about, but it lasted longer than anything she had experienced from me before. End of November and we decided to adopt a cat together, but the same day of the adoption her grandma died. She had to go stay with her dad, who was either absent or cruel to her for her whole childhood, in Arizona to be able to go to the funeral. She was upset and stressed, and I still did my best to be supportive through it all. Before the funeral, things were still ok between us. Then after she came back, she shut down on everything. There was no longer any communication from her. I would ask if she needed anything or if she was holding up ok and she would say she was fine, but I could tell she wasn't and her mom confirmed.
Since I was already in my own funk, the sudden lack of communication definitely worked up a lot of my issues. Then she went from spending the night at my place 4 or 5 nights a week, to being over once a week in our last two weeks together. Two days before the break up, she told me she felt like I should go back to therapy. I had stopped going a year and a half earlier because I didn't want to burden my parents and I couldn't afford it myself. I told her I agreed and I would talk to my parents about splitting the cost. In the mean time, I dug up a self help book my therapist gave to me before I stopped seeing him. The next two days went without us really talking.
She came in to my job and broke up with me while I was working. Her reason was that I put all of my mental health problems on her and she didn't want me to drag her down with me. I called my mom immediately after and we made plans to get my back in therapy, which started early January. This was all about a week from Christmas.
I turned 21 on New Years Eve, worst day to have your birthday on by the way, and 2018 kicked off with me being drunk. A lot. Every now and then I'd end up drunk texting her apologizing for being so horrible. Through therapy I stopped drinking so much and worked through my feelings on it all. By March, I had landed a promotion and was feeling much more stable. Around this time she started talking to me again, but was brutal about my promotion and my being in therapy. She said I was a joke and everyone would never take me seriously because I was in therapy, so I should give up.
I stopped talking to her and in April I started trying to date again, but couldn't really get into it. In summer, when I was visiting a friend in Arizona for Warped Tour, she texted me saying she found my tinder profile. My friend and I laughed it off, but then she revealed that she was going to the Warped Tour date in my home state. I was going to that date as well, so I was nervous as gell. I did not want to see her again. That event came around and she was in the crowd for literally every artist I went to see. I was freaking out but still managed to have a good time. Then a week or so after she messaged me again, saying she wanted to have a casual thing with me. I was feeling pretty strong mentally, so I accepted. After a few weeks of me trying to play her game, I decided it wasn't healthy and broke it off. She was furious but I didnt give in.
After that, she started showing up in the store I'm a manager at for a while. After I made it clear it was weird, she stopped. Since she stopped going to my store, she's messaged me once every month or so trying to bring something up. I transferred stores, and I started seeing her friends in my store from time to time. Then she messaged me on my birthday, asking if I thought we would have made it if I had taken my mental health seriously. I told her I had, but she wasn't around to see that. I wished her all the best but asked her to please leave me alone.
Ever since that, our mutual friends have been sending me screenshots of her posting on Facebook about her experience with me. Making it seem like she survived some horrible abuse scenario with me.
So, reddit, I've hit my limit. It's been over a year and I feel like I cant escape the break up. AITA? Did I do anything that warrants this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xo2FIwH0c1bFK0XhpSKl4I6GCbTk7aGk
|
agkk9x
|
{
"description": "wanting my daughters to learn how to fight against my wifes wishes",
"pronormative_score": 59,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for wanting my daughters to learn how to fight against my wifes wishes?
|
AITA I want my daughters (4 and 2) to learn Krav Maga and/or Judo when they are around 7-10 years old. I want them to learn martial arts for the self defence and mentality. Personally have training in a vareity of martial arts for nearly a decade and have seen the benefits of training and the value of said benefits in legitimate self defence. My wife doesnt want the girls to learn how to fight because she doesnt want them getting hurt or becoming aggressive to each other.
When I bring up the topic of the girls needing self defence in case of sexual assault, rape and kidnapping she seems to take a frankly mind boggling stance that we should "teach men to not do that" I tell her she is naive and needs to face the reality there are monsters out there and I want to girls to be able to fight back/ defend themselves. I have already started guiding the oldest one by having special "movie dates" where we watch Bruce Lee movies and even some of the classic hall of fame boxing matches with big bowls of popcorn and then play fight and rough house as much as possible.
My wife has confronted me and said I am going to hurt the girls and potentially give them the idea that fighting is an acceptable playtime with other kids and I deliberate do it to spite her.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 47,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 59,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
RIGHT
|
1gZFrtXHVF3V2OZFHdeSbFFhBh4mlmaz
|
b2g49y
|
{
"description": "singing the n-word in a song, accidentally pissing off my black roommate",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for singing the n-word in a song, accidentally pissing off my black roommate?
|
Hey guys please bear with me because this is my first Reddit post.
I was a student who had just moved onto campus and was in the process of meeting my 5 other roommates for the first time. The first week living with them went fine and we seemed to get along well enough. However, during the second week we were chilling in the living room and someone decided to play music on the speaker that I had brought. I was looking at my phone, not really paying attention to the song, and started absentmindedly repeating the lyrics. I didn't know the song that was playing and accidentally repeat a part of the song that had the n word in it.
I hadn't realize that I had said it until one of my roommates told me, "Whoa, I'm not sure you can say that". I should also mention that I'm asian and not black. Idiotic me thought that this would be a good opportunity to spark an interesting debate, so I said back to him, "I didn't really mean it in a derogatory way. I was just singing along to the song. Shouldn't it be ok to sing if you just do it as a part of the music?". Then my black roommate (let's call him Charlie) chimes in and says, "But you're not black though so you can't say that!" I say, "Yeah but I wasn't trying to offend anyone I-". He then cut me off again and said, "But you can't say that because your not black". The situation had gotten pretty tense, and with all the roommates being in the room chilling I didn't want to make a scene so I stayed quiet.
Half an hour later when he went back into the room, I followed him in and told him, "Look I'm sorry for what I said. I don't want to make this awkward between u-". He cut me off with a quick "it's fine" followed along with a scowl. From that point on he gave me the silent treatment for about a week, which made things intensely uncomfortable. Charlie would avoid making eye contact with me, and would sometimes leave the room when I walked into it. He would talk and joke around with the other roommates, but when I joined in he would drop out of that conversation.
At the end of the week I couldn't take it anymore and when we were alone I told him, "I didn't mean what I said man. I'm sorry if I offended you. I'm not a racist and I don't want to make things weird between us, especially because we're going to be rooming together for the rest of the year". He responded with, "I'm not mad because you said n----, and I know that you're not a racist. I'm mad because you disrespected me when you talked back." I asked him if we could start over from the beginning and forget that it ever happened, but he said that he couldn't just forget what I did, and that if he did then he would just be "bullshitting me". From that point our relationship has been choppy. He no longer gives me the silent treatment, but we never could really have a conversation either. So I'm wondering...AITA?
TL;DR: I accidentally sang the n-word in a song which pissed off my black roommate, I apologized and he gave me the silent treatment.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
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