id
stringlengths 32
32
| post_id
stringlengths 6
6
| action
dict | title
stringlengths 4
300
| text
stringlengths 0
10.8k
| post_type
stringclasses 2
values | label_scores
dict | label
stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores
dict | binarized_label
stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
gu9ZRdOtuE4mPiMdY06aY4LqfWAm2YGl
|
a9sado
|
{
"description": "telling one of my friends that fishing for attention and compliments",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling one of my friends that fishing for attention and compliments?
|
I’ve been friends with this girl for a year or two, nothing special. She constantly posts things on instagram and Snapchat saying “why do I have no one to hang out with” and then a few minutes later she posts “oh I guess I’m just too ugly/dumb/annoying” and similar things. Recently, she started posting pictures of couples that go to our school and saying “I wish I can have this one day” and then says that she’s too ugly to have that. I told her to stop because she’s obviously just fishing for attention and asking people to call her pretty. Now, she and all her friends are bombarding me and calling me a dick and even called my girlfriend a whore for dating someone like me, when she literally has nothing to do with this situation. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
3zDBVJC3YVYwUu6l5op2Aj5xusg4PvK5
|
b428ln
|
{
"description": "hating my elderly father and difficult mother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hating my elderly father and difficult mother?
|
So a bit of background:
My parents have always had a rocky marriage. I remember them fighting all the time about how he used to cheat on her when I was little. There's also a 40+ year gap between the two of them, and it's honestly probably one of the key factors of their problems outside of that.
About 10/11 years ago, my dad had a stroke which my mom to this day says caused his behavioral changes. I highly doubt this as from what I remember (I was around 8 ), he's only gotten worse with time. Not to mention that he's drinking more. There's not a day that goes by where he doesn't drink, and he's 80. He's never been violent with me, but some days, I cannot stand him. He buys things without telling us, signs up for credit cards using my mother's name, and steals my car keys (he has no license after getting into a car crash with me when I was 7).
On top of all this, I act as a surrogate nurse to him. I wake up every morning to fix his bed and clean his bathroom. Every night, he insists on cooking and I spend up to an hour cleaning up after him. Now that I'm in college, I just don't have the energy to watch him AND watch my little sister, do my homework, clean the house, along with whatever else I need to do. I still do it, it's just draining and making it hard for me to want to find a job without worrying about something going wrong at home when I'm not around. It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't such an unreasonable drunk. He never talks to me anymore. When he does, it's a critique about my clothes or he'll call me an animal or some other derogatory term. My mom isn't any better. She'll use me as therapy. She's also not supportive of me seeking treatment for any mental illness and she used to say something along the lines of: "Colleges will see that you have a problem and none of them will want you" which is total bs. I'm tired of explaining how I feel to her so I plan to cut her off completely. What's ironic is that I used to find comfort with my dad when I was little because he was the parent that didn't yell, hit, or scare me. But now I hate both of them.
Am I just being an asshole? I mean, there are times when my mom is nice to me. She'll take me out and we'll have a genuinely nice time, but then there are times where she does some fucked up shit in front of my sister and I (not going to go into it, it's not relevant), and I just can't help but think what the fuck was going on in her head? My dad still cooks dinner for us when my mom is working. Sure, sometimes he'll fish out things that have gone bad from the garbage or cook with moldy ingredients, but the intent is there. But then he'll get drunk/curse in front of my little sister or be indecent around the house. I honestly don't know how I feel about either of them anymore.
TL;DR My dad is elderly, drunk, & rude, and my mom isn't the best. Am I an asshole for hating them/wanting nothing to do with them in the future?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
dS9xmWg6YCKUvHFYJ0AQ0idRXWVydjnm
|
arm085
|
{
"description": "firing my mod",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for firing my mod?
|
I run a discord server for a twitch community. One of my former mods has had mental issues in the past. A large (double-digit) number of... *attempts*, countless mental hospital visits, and lack of activity within the server. On top of this, he’s been cramming down everyone’s throat within the server and in DM’s that he was a Trans and needed to be addressed properly (even when they already were).
One day, I get a DM from him asking me to track his GF who was threatening suicide over him “not being loyal or caring.” I told him that she was fishing for attention and that if it was serious, that she needs serious help. I also made sure to note that asking me to do something not only out of my abilities, but also possibly illegal, was an absolute no-go. Upon doing so, I went and said that this was the last straw, and fired him from my mod team. He didn’t talk again until 5 days ago (and this happened 7 months ago).
I still feel kind of bad about it, because that long period of inactivity worried me that another *attempt* was made or another hospital visit ended up being in order, and that I drove him to do so. Am I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SfPrqpP3w90gayxxXiMzxA7NrDbB8MlL
|
aposds
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend right after her brother got deployed",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend right after her brother got deployed?
|
My ex and I are both seniors in high school. We started dating in August, right before school started, and she and I were going strong for a long while. We ended up having sex in December. I'm transgender, and I told her that before we had sex so she wouldn't be caught off guard/felt lied to.
Since we had sex, she started telling everyone that she was a lesbian. Before we had sex, she was out as bisexual. She's been kind of subtly outing me at school, calling me her "chickadee" and laughing when people ask how she's a lesbian when she's dating me. I got really annoyed by it, so I wound up breaking up with her a couple days ago.
Apparently, though, her brother deployed the day before I broke up with her. And when I called her to say I wanted to meet up and chat, she thought that I was going to console her over her brother leaving, and not break up with her.
She's been blasting me on facebook/snapchat since we broke up, and she outed me to my best friend. Now he's upset because I didn't come out to him, and a bunch of my girl friends are pissed because apparently I was "insensitive" to dump her a week before Valentine's and the day after her brother deployed.
TL;DR: Broke up with my girlfriend the day after her brother deployed/the week before Valentine's day. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
6eERHdDkkPCNdlzAZGN1f4rU4MEuyX0t
|
awitlq
|
{
"description": "rejecting a friendship offer from a gilr crush",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Rejecting a friendship offer from a gilr crush
|
Declared interest in a girl. Was rejected as she is seeing someone but said she didn’t want to not be friends.
I politely rejected explaining how she was too desirable to me to not think about her as a romantic interest and I’d rather just forget about her ASAP and try to move on. Also for added respect for the guy she is seeing, and what good is a friendship anyway if you can’t talk about relationships?
She was not pleased with this stating it “always happens” to her and was immediately defensive and less friendly with me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
lX3s37hgYaimTq5oHaj6hDItfwEMYeCs
|
a2r8f7
|
{
"description": "not turning on red",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not turning on red
|
I pull up to a red light to turn right (designated right turn lane). A UPS truck pulls into the left turn lane, mostly obstructing my view of oncoming cars. There's a car behind me, so I inch forward to see if I can see anything. Another truck pulls up to the second left turn lane, and I cannot see anything past the nose of their trucks. I'm not turning on red. I can't see cars coming (not even from very far back) until they pass these trucks and are in the intersection. I can see the guy behind me getting mad, furiously waving his arms and gesticulating. There was a pretty long gap in between oncoming cars and I can see his mouth and hands moving, "why haven't you gone yet???". When we finally get the green, he tails me pretty hard before finally turning off the street.
Maybe worth noting that there were two right turn lanes. I and grumpy pants man were in the right one, no one was in the left, the whole time.
Am I the asshole for wasting his time? I wasn't in a hurry at all, but clearly he had shit to get done
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Yr1hnYhsCRviuOEG4TpuJhKsYKVGfhSR
|
axepab
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my potential future roommates because they don't know how to prioritize money",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my potential future roommates because they don’t know how to prioritize money?
|
tl;dr at bottom, also on mobile so sorry for spelling/format.
so, me, my sister (“Anne”) and my boyfriend “Rob”) are planning on moving into Anne’s boyfriend’s (“Steven”) house.
They have two dogs - pitbulls - who are absolute sweethearts. However, as Steven is never really home, the animals are not getting the life they deserve. They’re just spending it in cages. So, he has decided to surrender them. Both dogs, together, cost $400 to surrender because we want to take them to a good, no-kill rescue. One dog is deaf, the other has such horrible separation anxiety that he must be heavily medicated. He was going to be put down if we brought him back to the shelter we got him from.
Steven is unable to afford medicating the one pittie, and made the sad decision to give them up.
he has not given them up yet, because he does not have the $400 to surrender them. He can’t afford it.
However, today, I got a text from Anne and Steven about how they bought a hookah for ~$120. Steven gets sick on nicotine. And yeah, Anne, Rob and I do love hookah, and we did discuss buying one eventually, but it wasn’t brought up again.
This to me seems like an impulse buy on Anne/Steven’s part, and I feel like it raises a red flag. If they couldnt afford the rehome fee for the dogs, shouldn’t they be saving money? Why did they choose to buy a hookah NOW even though Steven gets sick on it? What happens if I move in with them and they don’t stop the reckless spending?
I brought up in the group chat that they should have saved that money for the rehoming fee, and now i have Anne mad at me for making such a big deal out of it, I’m sure Steven is pissed, and now Rob is starting to side with them.
I’m looking at this from a money management/priority standpoint. We did not need a hookah. We NEED to rehome the two dogs, and maybe get some actual CHINA for the house (we only have like paper plates and plastic cups).
They keep saying “Its their money” and they can do what they want, but both Steven AND Anne are pretty deep in debt, and I see it as this: if we move in, and they splurge on something stupid, it’s going to affect everyone in the house.
Rob and I are supposed to move in to Steven’s house in the summer, but now I’m having second thoughts and everyone’s getting mad at me for it. AITA?
TL;DR i feel as though my sister and her boyfriend are not prioritizing their money correctly, it makes me not want to move in with them, and theyre getting mad at me for it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
yfZ43KoLjdWsPA9DxamIzs2DHfCFTTag
|
9thmb8
|
{
"description": "asking for fresh rice on my burrito",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking for fresh rice on my burrito?
|
The other day my wife and I went to Qdoba for lunch. We start ordering and my wife goes first. She takes a majority of the last bits of rice for her burrito and I assume the lady will grab some new rice from the back. I tell her I want my normal order of a burrito and extra rice (I love that shit at Qdoba) Well, this lady picks up the basically empty rice container and starts to scrape the hard crunchy brownish looking rice onto my burrito. I ask her to stop and ask if there is any fresh rice in the back they could get instead of what she just put on my burrito. She looks at me as if I asked her to strip naked in front of everyone and dance. She says hold on and and asks some guy if she could get new rice. He says yes and disappears into the back. I wait a few awkward minutes just standing in front of this lady while we both wait for this guy to make it. He walks back out to the front and has no new rice and starts doing something else. I assume it's mixing or cooking in the back so I don't ask about it. Eventually she asks him where the rice is because I want more. I hear her say I wanted more and tell them frustrated that, "No I don't want anymore, I want different rice." They once again look at me like I'm asking them to go back and start growning the damn rice and harvesting it. He comes back quickly with the rice and she starts to add the new rice on top of the old rice on the burrito. I tell her to stop and to please start over with the new rice as I don't want that old rice on my food. She is obviously frustrated with me after all this.
At this point the line has grown fairly big and I'm holding it up asking for just rice. She finally puts the rice on a new burrito, which is literally the first ingredient they put on. another guy working the line takes it from her kinda aggressively and says start taking the orders behind me. We get to the end and pay and my wife tells me I'm being a complete asshole and I should have just taken the first rice. I tell her we only get to eat at this place rarely because we live kinda far away from it and I wanted something fresh. She then starts to tell me I'm still an asshole and I don't understand what it's like to work retail or with customer service type jobs. I end the disagreement with saying the customer should always be right and my request wasn't anything out if the ordinary.
Am I the Asshole?
And for anyone who asks or says my wife overreacted, she is super chill, we both have potty mouths, we tell each other like it is, we both are honest with each other and this at all wasn't and argument of any kind. So please don't say she was the asshole or anything.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Xzc9CkJTjMmNnpzkP7NtPpydk6cSGn6k
|
b85y9w
|
{
"description": "using more than 2 dryer sheets",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for using more than 2 dryer sheets?
|
I don’t know if I’m getting the madlad treatment or people are actually put off by the fact that I use 3-4 dryer sheets instead of 2.
Background: back when my mom folded my laundry, she’d always put up more than just a fuss about me using more than 2 sheets. I remembered this and recently brought it up to my friends and they were shocked at my decision to put in at most two (2) extra dryer sheets. They’ve been responding with things such as “Oh gosh, that’s a lot dude” and “that sounds excessive..”
AITA? I just want my clothes to smell better
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
OivQrrNJcyGlogGw9l45VsBPnDGQQ4xw
|
arrl29
|
{
"description": "keeping around a friend who's been an asshole for a long time now, shows no signs of changing or acknowledging she's hurting me and limiting her words, because she makes me laugh and helps me through the day",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for keeping around a friend who's been an asshole for a long time now, shows no signs of changing or acknowledging she's hurting me and limiting her words, because she makes me laugh and helps me through the day? (And i still have hope I can change her even if I get hurt?)
|
(Four things first. I'm on mobile, so sorry for formatting, this is my first Reddit post, it's gonna be really long so TL;DR at the end, and I'm trying to be as unbiased as possible but it's hard so bear with me.)
So I met my friend (lets call her Roach, so if she ever reads this post she'll know it's me, as it's an inside joke but also an insult) a little while back in school on the first day. She was shy and quiet, blond hair, blue eyes, and from California. On my way to class, I wanted to make friends, so I greeted her (albiet a bit loudly, what can I say I was a loud kid) and we became friends quickly. We had a lot of the same interests and I spent a lot of my time with her, though eventually I hung out with my other friends more so it was even enough for no one to be too hurt.
Roach hung with me and my little group, the outcasts, so the main bullies of the grade would annoy us and her as collateral, despite not knowing her. This'll be important later.
As we went up a grade, near the end of the first year I noticed one of my male friends trying to spread lies about me to her, because I didn't spend time with him. I'd grown up a bit, and his childish games of make-believe just weren't my taste anymore. It made me and Roach's bond stronger. So I became more relaxed with her and her with me. This would soon become a mistake.
She began to swear soon into the second year we knew eachother. I was always raised that cussing was bad and got my mouth washed out with soap whenever I did. I used to tattle on the "cool kids" who would cuss, but eventually I developed a potty mouth like hers that I still hide from my mom and try to get rid of, but it's hard to at school. (More on that later.)
As we became more comfortable and moved along in our years, she confessed to me that she had anxiety and depression. I had one other friend and a parent that suffered from depression, so I took it well. However, she started using them as cards. Whenever she was particularly harsh, it was "Oh I have depression" or "just my anxiety acting up again". She said her dog was given to her because of anxiety, but all I had was her word. I let it slide, wanting to keep my closest friend around. That was a mistake.
I can't remember much, but I was at my local library. It was raining, so my mom had stopped in the drop-off-book zone so I could run in and out real quick. It was against the rules to park there, so I was fast. I got a call from Roach. I leaned against a pillar and gestured to my mom to give me a minute. She obliged, but told me to hurry. When I answered, it was a wave about how her parents hated her and everyone hated her and she was depressed. I tried to calm her down, but I panicked once she brought up self-harm and suicide. Trying harder to calm her down, she began saying she was gonna kill herself. Naive as I was, she was my closest friend and I began begging and pleading for her to not hang up the phone. My mom began rushing me but I was too desperate to keep my friend that I didn't listen. Eventually, I was met with silence, and the beep of my phone disconnecting.
I thought I lost her. I was too panicked and upset and overall emotional to notice that it wouldn't be right for her mom to instantly hop on her phone and text me that she killed herself because of me, so I sent her my condolences and got in the car. I broke down ranting and when I got home, I furiously called her to try and ask if she was really dead.
Roach answered the phone, saying that she was joking. Back then, I was just so happy i had her, so I overlooked the seriousness of the matter. Nothing so serious happened again.
Note: My grandma, my second home, died between these above and below times. It messed me up emotionally, and Roach helped aiding that weakness into some issue that I don't know the name of. This will come up later.
As time went on, little incidents occured. Roach got upset because me and a close friend (she'll be mentioned later so I'll call her Sunshine) talked a lot about anime and kpop, which we had gotten dragged into. (Fight me I'm a fuckin weeb it made me happy) and she didn't know about it, yet she'd go on about Legend of Zelda like I was supposed to know about it, and when I dropped that i liked occasionally watching Supernatural with my mom she expected me to know them.
When I went through my animator phase and began wishing I could be one, I found the cartoons Eddsworld and Villainous, but never got into them until Roach said she liked them so I got into them so I could know what she was talking about. She told me to "quit getting into her fandoms" even though she had exposed me to this by showing me some video clips and art. We had a fight and dropped it.
That year, I had gotten a little community app called PokeAmino and met some friends who loved Pokemon as much as I do, and grew very close with them. Roach was into Pokemon somewhat, so I added her to our group chat. That friend I mentioned earlier with depression? Yeah, they had a breakdown and so their two closest friends (Me and another user who's my current best friend I'll call Starshine) tried to help them back to a calm state. Of course Roach calls me asking why I'm not answering her other calls and what's going on in the group chat. When I explain, she says she can help. I told her there's a reason only their close friends help them, because we have a connection with them, but she tries to help anyway. It doesn't help, so I sigh, my emotions taking over, and tell her "I said it was just a close friend thing" And she thought I meant we weren't close and snapped at me. Since she faked her suicide, whenever she goes silent, I used to panic. Eventually we worked it out, whatever. But that was when I noticed she was being a jerk.
Cue the third year of me knowing her. Sunshine and I talked a lot, and I talked to Starshine online a lot. Roach left the PKA chat because she "didn't like my friends". Whatever, I didn't care, but I did get mad at first because she didn't even try to get to know them. At one point she rejoined, but she left and stayed gone after I posted a rant about her to the chat, knowing she was rarely online and at that time not caring. She accused me a lot, and Starshine was my rock as my emotions changed and I started feeling distant. I've found I'm good at acting like everything is okay in front of schoolmates, so Roach doesn't know a thing.
However, as it gets into the fourth year of me knowing her, my emotions got worse. I have depressive spells occasionally, and don't feel as intensely as I used to except for when it comes to music and my close good friends. Social anxiety isn't as bad as it could be, but it still affects me. And add on to that, I have anger issues and the tendency to want to handle everything myself in a highly effective way, even when I can't. Here comes the more recent stuff.
Roach is homophobic. Extremely homophobic. Several of my friends aren't straight and even I lean sometimes, but she just gets so upset. She used to not mind, but now every word out of her mouth is "I'm a Christian so gays are bad and going to hell and evolution can't exist so science teachers are bullshitting us and can never be Christian." She even once said she'd rather have a disabled child instead of a perfectly healthy gay kid. Don't know why, but okayyyyy man.
Skipping minor events here because this is way too damn long already.
Now I'm a petty bitch. I've constantly dropped hints Starshine is my best friend now, but I'm not sure if Roach got them. When asked if she'd be the maid of honor at my wedding, I go "Haha, if i do get married, it'll either be you or Starshine" and she replies with a disgusted "Who the fuck is Starshine?!" like i couldn't have a closer friend than her. So I'm obviously not inviting Roach to my wedding, whatever.
At this point, I keep her around because she helps me through the school day my making me laugh and stay out of my thoughts until she pissed me off and I break down and we start over again, not because she's a close good friend. My friends have told me I should let her go but I'm clingy as much as I am petty and want to learn as much as I can and make her go through the treatment she treated me like before I do, plus I hold the hope she'll change deep inside me. I've been just as rude to her as she is to me, if not less, and she calls me a dick or an asshole, though she is the same to me or worse. So I thought I'd head to Reddit after a discussion with another close good friend so I can find out if me keeping her for entertainment and the hope I can change her is wrong and maybe some advice about what to do.
TL;DR: Friend I've known for nearing 4 years is an asshole, fucked up my emotions, still thinks I care for her though all I keep her around for is laughs and the hope I can change her.
So Reddit, Am I The Asshole?
(And thanks for reading the whole thing if you did, this took me about an hour to write so you're a real one.)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZA3rbCTvrJyNc7gHRDhiAwoKhuuCm9UV
|
a2irok
|
{
"description": "not wanting to date someone because of their depression",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to date someone because of their depression?
|
There's this guy. He has a great sense of humour, very clever, he is distractingly cute, and he is good at the biochem class we're in together so always helps out my friends and I when we are confused about the homework... not gonna lie, I was pretty attracted to him, and decided at one point that I wouldn't be opposed to a date.
We got closer after we decided to group up for a partner project, and he began to confide in me that he was regularly depressed and had suicidal thoughts. I also learned from my friends that he self-harmed occasionally and had to go to ER last month after a suicide attempt that involved slashing his wrists. There are weeks where he is so depressed that he skips all his classes and locks himself in his dorm, refusing to talk to anyone. Oookay, I was both very concerned for him and starting to rethink having a relationship.
But at that point, I was pretty sure that he had already fallen for me, because we'd met up earlier that week and he'd told me that he'd never told a girl about his depression before, but trusted me like he'd never trusted anyone before. My suspicions were confirmed when my friends told me about what they'd heard from his best mate: that he liked me and was going to ask me out as soon as he'd mustered the courage.
They asked me whether I'd accept. I said no. They were in shock, said that he was smart and funny and attractive and his parents were well off and that there was no reason for me to refuse him. I brought up his depression. They were scandalized, especially one of my friends who also had depression.
She freaked out, telling me that I was contributing to the bad self-image depressed people have, as many of them believe that 'no one wants a depressed person' and 'my personality is unattractive because of my depression.' I felt terrible and nodded along and apologized, but privately my feelings did not change.
I don't think he is a freak, I don't think he's crazy or any less human because of his depression, but I can't handle having to constantly take care of someone who's got terrible mental health at this time in my life. I don't want to care deeply for him and then end up getting hurt because of it. I don't want to spend lots of time trying to convince him that life is worth living. Whenever we talk for over an hour even now, he says something horribly self-deprecating and I need to reassure him that it's not true, and I feel like this will be exacerbated by a closer relationship. He even jokes about how he's going to be single forever because of his depression, and how hes so thankful that I've stuck by his side through all of it.
I've tried to represent this as fairly as I can. His depression isn't something he chose to have, and I was fine with dating him before I found out about it. He's such a nice guy and he trusts me so much. I may be the asshole; I don't really know. So, please tell me if I am.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
AaEWDB7D9di1BoK4LZhLtBV63XTkK9I8
|
b44nq8
|
{
"description": "making my gf to cry and not being apologetic about it",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for making my gf to cry and not being apologetic about it?
|
Backstory: My (M26) gf (F23) just moves in to a home that I am renting and there are a few things that I do around my house that can be weird to other people. For instance, every morning I pee in the shower then run the shower while I brush my teeth then hop in the shower after. Another example is whenever I cut my nails, I cut them in the middle of the floor in the other bedroom and when I’m done I turn on my robot vacuum and shut the door and let it clean it up. It’s weird, I get it but everyone gets into their own habits in the privacy of their own home and I did tell her about it before she moved in but I guess it’s different when you experience it.
Anyway, we were out with her friends and they were discussing using the bathroom at our work, I mentioned I have no problem using it while most of her friends say they try to avoid it as all possible. My gf then puts me on blast and says “of course you’re okay with it, you piss in the shower”. I end up having to defend myself for a few minutes, no big deal. Once we were alone I causally mentioned I didn’t think it was cool how she did that. She said if I’m comfortable doing it then I should be comfortable talking about it. We argue a little but she concedes and says she won’t do it again.
A few days later with my friends now, we were talking about foods we like that others thought was disgusting. She decided to bring up how she thought it was disgusting that I cut my nails and just leave them there, which is completely unrelated to what the topic was but again, led me to have to defend myself. On the car ride home I was more upset and let her know that I was upset. It led to her crying and not saying anything for a while. I told her that I’m not going to be okay until she stops trying to make me feel uncomfortable in my own place and if she had any problems with anything then tell me, not to our friends. But she kept on saying I’m overreacting and if it bothers me then stop doing it, all while she’s still balling her eyes out. We get home and she sits on the couch crying. I go to straight to the other bedroom and sleep there for the night. It’s the next morning and getting ready in the bathroom. I still pee in the shower and we still haven’t said a word to each other. AITA for not comforting her last night? AITA for not wanting to adjust my habits?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
scNn0V3YqVeqHQzCn5fFqDbP0XnAIXuj
|
b2zbml
|
{
"description": "getting mad that my friend got me food I didn't ask for",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for getting mad that my friend got me food i didn't ask for.
|
So yesterday I decided that I didn't have time to eat, so I didn't. Cut to 10:30 pm, I've finished most of my school work and I could finally attend to my stomach growls that have been echo-ing at me all day.
For context, I'm male, 20, my friend is female 27. I ask said friend if she wanted to get some food. She agrees and offers to drive. Couple other friends want to join the order so they decide to come too. Before we leave, something comes up and I have to stay behind so I just tell my friend what i wanted to get and offer to pay her back. I should also mention that she wanted one of the items that I told her to get.
So they leave, I attended to my situation, and they come back 30 mins later.
She hands me the food and says " they ran out of the item we both wanted, they had one left and I kept it for myself." I get it and since she drove I thought it was reasonable. Then she says that instead she got me something similar that I didn't ask for. okay, I guess better than nothing. Then I check the other items and I find out that everything I ordered, a total of 4 items, NONE of them was what I ordered. She said they ran out of most things and so she just got me things I didn't ask for or need because she thought I would want it.
I asked her why she didn't text me and she said that I never reply or take to long. I told her that I appreciate that she offered to drive and get food for me but I didn't ask for these items and the fact she couldn't be bothered to text me before getting me stuff I didn't want is beyond me. she demanded I pay a certain amount for them that I didn't expect to. On top of this, when I asked for a recpit she kept saying she knew the amount I owed her and that a receipt wouldnt change that. w.t.f.
So we argued for a bit, and then she said if I didn't pay for the food she would take it back, so I let the food go and she straight up takes it, and asks our friend group (who btw were all listening into this argument) if anyone wanted my food for FREE( I feel like this was a power move and was meant to make me feel like shit). I got so mad. So I tried to stay calm, packed my shit and left. the whole situation pissed me off. I usually get mad and react with anger but I've recently been working on personal development and this reaction is not common for me so everyone was a bit shocked. the aftermath, i haven't seen or talked to anyone in that friend group and I'm starting to think I'm at fault, should I stand my ground, or AITA and i should apologize.
Also, a side not, later that night the same friend offered to drive me to McD's but I declined because of how shitty she handled the situation. Maybe I'm over reacting. What do you think Reddit?
TL;DR: my friend got me food that I didn't order and then proceeded to make me look like a fool.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
WRONG
|
LP9OfiLYNNwoBI1Ev74UXq9bjR9JjRh8
|
aguwr1
|
{
"description": "evicting my uncle",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for evicting my uncle?
|
This one is kind of a doozy.
-My father and grandfather bought and fixed up a house for my father and his girlfriend to live in.
-After college my father convinced me to move into the house with him rent free because he was spending most of his time out of state.
-My grandfather's health declined and I agreed to buy the house with a verbal agreement to split the bills with my father and the profit when the house was sold.
-After my grandfather passed my father spends 99% of his time out of state.
-My uncle got evicted from his previous home and my father told him that he could move into my house "for a little while".
-I was unhappy he decided this without me but agreed to help family out "for a little while" until he could move out of state.
- It's been 4 and a half months and he's shown no sign of moving out.
-Last week he tells my father he has cancer and can't find a doctor or coverage in the new state.
-He's also selling prescription medication out of my house.
-On top of everything he's got a little ankle biter dog that barks every time I take a step in my own home which is admittedly wearing heavily on my patience.
-He has other family out of state and his own son lives in the same town as me. I feel that I've given him enough support and time to get the ball moving but he's taking advantage of my father's giving nature and will never get out of my house if I don't legally remove him.
Am I the asshole if I evict him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TPpxqIXJWxcVFPxTnb7y4zQpUwBtCtVW
|
b7wgea
|
{
"description": "calling the paramedics",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for calling the paramedics?
|
This happened several years ago, but thinking about it still baffles me to this day and I want to know if I’m missing something.
I got home at 11PM from visiting my then girlfriend, and my 13yo sister met me in the hall and told me our mom had been acting very strange all night. I noticed our mom’s bedroom light was on, which was unusual in itself as she rarely stays up past 9PM, and decided to check on her. When I entered her room she was lying on her bed with her eyes wide open, but when she heard me enter she sat straight up. We had a conversation, but her demeanor was off, and she kept saying “the nosabol is arabol” and laughing. I asked her what that meant and she said it was from BBC Sherlock (I haven’t watched the show but my sister has and doesn’t recognize the words). She also kept staring at random places in the air and laughing and talking about things I couldn’t see but not being clear about what they were. I went outside under the pretense of taking the dog out to use the bathroom (something she kept asking me to do even though it wasn’t usual for him to be taken out so late at night) and called the paramedics and told them how she was acting.
Well, once the paramedics got to our house she was suddenly fine and not acting weird anymore, and was only angry that they were there. They asked her a few questions (had she taken anything recently, was she struggling with mental health) and then left. Once they left she started yelling at me for being so stupid and disrupting her night. She claimed that she was only acting weird because she was tired (I’ve seen her tired many times and she’s NEVER acted like that before or since) and now she wouldn’t be able to sleep. She was also very upset about the questions they asked her because she thought I’d told them she wanted to hurt herself (I didn’t). Her yelling woke up my dad, who listened to the story and also started yelling at me about how calling the paramedics was “acting like a little girl” and how I should have woken him up instead. At some point during all the yelling my sister started crying and they both got mad at me for making her cry. Then my dad said “get the fuck out of my house, I don’t even want to look at you anymore” and so I threw some things in a bag and left.
I spent the night at my girlfriend’s house, went to work the next day, and then went home to pack some more things and then live in my car for a while - only when I got home, everyone was acting like everything was normal and I hadn’t gotten kicked out. Neither of my parents mentioned what had happened, and my brother (who was gone that night and found out what happened when my mom called him to complain) only said that calling the paramedics had been “fucking stupid”. Every time the event has been mentioned since, it’s presented by my family as a funny story about how I panicked and ruined my mom’s night. Everyone except my sister also claims not to remember that I got kicked out.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
l6PqyyPleXSu8XjpvUiUDVhlI7BM5mMG
|
b1tcj0
|
{
"description": "not going to parties with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not going to parties with my boyfriend?
|
We’re both 25 and have been together for 5 years. We have lived together for the past 3.
My boyfriend is a huge extrovert and I’m very introverted. Lately he has been going out with a pretty rowdy group of coworkers that I’m just not all that interested in spending time with.
So my boyfriend always lets me know of upcoming events, and not even in an invitational sort of way, just in a, “hey, coworker is having a party, I was gonna go.” I hate to be needy, but I feel like he doesn’t make a huge effort when we are at these events to involve me in conversation, when he knows I’m more introverted.
This morning there was a really early St Patrick’s day party - waking up at 7am to drink and party. I told him I was pretty apprehensive as I wanted to sleep in on my weekend.
So my boyfriend sets an alarm (I always sleep through it), and I’m woken up by my boyfriend who is essentially dressed, showered and ready to go being like, “hey, did you still want to come?”
AITA for admittedly, flipping out a bit by being really annoyed that I was basically not given a choice in the morning? I had to shower too and get ready myself so being woken up by someone who was ready to go seemed like he didn’t really want me to come?
Am I reading into this too much? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
e4RQAALOmRTooB5hrJg8N3TXwSjuKeEj
|
aodi9m
|
{
"description": "filling up my water bottle at McDonalds",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for filling up my water bottle at McDonalds?
|
I wanted to fill up my hydro flask with ice, since the ice machine at my apartment is down. I payed the full price for a large cup at McDonalds. I proceed to go to the fountain drink station and fill it up with ice. After it’s full I decided to pour it into my hydro flask. The lady at the register noticed and I got kicked out, even though I told her it was only ice (I showed her the inside of the bottle too).
I’m currently black listed from that specific location.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
49Ohx6PQtpnw0NDwxLreWwl8OCru75iy
|
b97s6d
|
{
"description": "sharing a death threat text against the threat's recipient's wishes",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for sharing a death threat text against the threat's recipient's wishes?
|
To keep this as short as possible -
I have an ex who was classically abusive towards me. Threats, manipulation, physical violence... Made several aggressive comments about women we both know, including my friends. Talked about killing someone "just theoretically." Scary but nothing I saw (at the time) as too bad.
We have a hobby together (where we met) that is organized by a nonprofit. He is active on the board of the committee but is not the community leader.
When he and I first broke up, we saw each other quite frequently at this hobby, which made breaking up messy.
Eventually, I approached the community leader about this messy breakup (since the tension was affecting hobby events). The leader said "If you need help let me know, and I will try to help where I can. But if I don't see something or have proof, I can't confront him."
I do not have any screenshots or phone call recordings because he kept most of the crazy to in-person or over phone calls which I was dumb enough not to record.
My ex did not improve and threatened to make the hobby absolutely miserable for me unless I left on my own accord... And he very successfully made it uncomfortable. I just decided to stop engaging in the hobby.
I've been out of the hobby four or so months and had a conversation with a gal still in the hobby. She sends me screenshots of my ex threatening to kill her "as a joke" in a very creepy way. This was not surprising to me in the slightest as this is pretty typical behavior for him when he had been drinking.
I explained to her my relationship with him and my experiences of threats and abuse. She was very clear she did not want me sharing these screenshots. I feel, though, that I finally have proof of abusive behavior that is especially valuable since it's not just coming from me.
Would I be the asshole if I share these screenshots?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
fdUHPqIBPqL3QqTkBiWLGFUA6G3WjE2I
|
aavb30
|
{
"description": "asking my ex questions about why she cheated on me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my ex questions about why she cheated on me?
|
So a bit over a week ago, I discovered my gf (now ex) had cheated on me with one of my past friends by sexting him on snapchat. I completely understand I was the asshole for how I discovered it, I went through her messages with him but I knew something was up. This was because a while before I went through her mesages, she pretended to send pictures of herself to me, however, they were not of her but were pictures she found online, plus out of the blue she wanted to upload pictures of herself in her swimsuit in a slight sexual manner onto instagram (she later revealed that these pictures were not hers when I was questioning her after I broke up with her after her sexting). She asked if she could upload them, but I told her they made me uncomfortable and she took them down. I told her she didn't have to yet she still took them down. ( I was not controlling in this situation, she told me that herself). However, a week or two later she uploaded said photos to another Instagram account I did not know about without telling me. She knew they made me uncomfortable, yet when I found about and confronted her she said she did it because she was bored. (Later, after we broke up she said it was because she wanted to fit in with other girls). After this I had enough and went through her messages and found sexts with another guy, and so I broke up with her. So in the week or two since then, I've been asking her questions about why she did it, how she felt, how she feels now, and questions similar to that. I cant entirely get over it and sometimes I repeat my questions I've asked before without realizing. I feel as though getting to the bottom of it makes me feel better. She told me she sexted him to bring him close and then keep him at bay to fuck with his head and make him feel how she made him feel. (Before we were dating, she was in an unnoficap sexual long distance relationship with him and apparently he fucked with her head and made her feel bad, thus she felt like getting revenge. Without telling me.) Upon questioning her I have found changes in her explanations for doing it, for instance one time she said she sexted him to make him feel bad, the next time I asked she did it because she didnt want him to feel bad "for not having a way masterbate because his girlfriend wasnt sexting him." But the reason I posted is because she gets annoyed with me asking questions as to why she did this, and upset that I "bring up past mistakes and hurt her" even though it's been two weeks since we have broken up. I understand I have to move on though. I will try my hardest to do so. Please be honest.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
P0CIZWV9SyRoc52DQ30fqoOLiT57S5xU
|
aem3ix
|
{
"description": "calling a woman who almost ran me over a bitch",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling a woman who almost ran me over a bitch?
|
First post here as well as being on mobile so sorry in advance.
I live in a state where pedestrians have the automatic right of way over a car. Regardless, I was walking into a store to get my prescription, stopped halfway in the street because this chick decides she has to gun it past me despite me being on the asphalt of this parking lot. If I had not stopped immediately, she would have hit me at approximately 20 MPH. Instinctively, I called her a bitch because it’s not necessary to gun it in a busy Walmart parking lot. I’m guessing they read my lips because they didn’t have any open windows and they slammed the brakes to tell me to “Watch myself, bitch.” I somehow feel like I’m in the wrong despite the law that gives me the right of way. I almost feel like it would have been better if she hit me so I could pursue legal action. Am I being the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
tuhQ3PIE3gVwL5SzEOInV7Wlg9PCmKyx
|
att2ef
|
{
"description": "not buying my friend a concert merchandise",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not buying my friend a concert merchandise?
|
My friend was really lucky to win 2 tickets to our favourite band's concert recently. He invited me along to the concert. I was over the moon and am very glad to have this chance. One ticket costs about $160 and it's more than I could afford as I'm currently still a student and would definitely prefer not to financially burden my parents more.
He got both tickets for free but he expected me to get some stuff for him.
At first he started small, asking for a meal, then he expected me to pay up the transportation fees we need to reach the concert's venue. I didn't mind these requests as they are not too over and I still could handle them by skipping a few day's lunch.
Then he gathered up his guts and asked for a costly merchandise, to be specific, it costs about $40. I declined him as I recently spent quite a lot of my savings for school camps and stuff so I'm broke as fish but he persisted, he really wanted that merchandise. Should I feel guilty for rejecting his request? Should I follow his demands? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
h2vJDHgx12ALXAG7waHk05EFL17fZlNm
|
awxdby
|
{
"description": "not sharing my food",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not sharing my food?
|
Background: me and my dad were coming to the mall and going shopping, we were also goung to the food court. My brother who like being healthy said that he didnt want it as its UnHealThY and FaKE. So I warned his ass that if he was hungry then don't complain.
main story: I'm in the car with some clothes and left over food listening to music and scrolling through reddit, when my brother asks for some if my food as I open my leftovers. I say no becuase it's my food and I was a little hungry. He gets mad and says that he wont ever order me food again (prior to this he would order me food sometimes)
TLDR: went to get food, brother didnt want any because its unhealthy , now wants some of my leftovers but i say no
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
N8rKb8gcostsqdDnsKxfBh09K2zrIpFU
|
a59xs9
|
{
"description": "not wanting a gay son",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for not wanting a gay son?
|
More like am I the homophobe?
Not to use the “I have gay friends so that doesn’t make me a homophobe” cars but I’m going to use it in saying that I have several gay best friends. My brother is also bisexual and have always treated his previous boyfriend with respect and dignity like I would any person. I never looked down on anyone for their sexuality, you get the picture.
However, is this mindset inherently homophobic? Me and my brother talk about everything and when he asked me how I would feel about having a gay son I told him I probably be a bit disappointed but wouldn’t love him any less and he flipped out calling me a huge selection of names and stormed out. He currently has not spoken to me in the last 4 hours.
I feel like it isn’t but maybe that’s what makes me an asshole? If I really want a son does that make me sexist? If I want grand kids and my kids adopt does that make me inherently hate my grand kids? I mean, we all have preferences. And i would like to have a straight son and biological grand kids. My girlfriend agrees with me but she actually is kind of a homophobe so I’m going to take what she says with a grain of salt.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
lipC3n0v6gJXBrXDNdEK48iUtqWE0pNx
|
a1zy3p
|
{
"description": "snapping at my boyfriend in front of his/\"our\" friends over jokes that make me uncomfortable",
"pronormative_score": 81,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for snapping at my boyfriend in front of his/"our" friends over jokes that make me uncomfortable?
|
Obviously this is a throwaway account. People know my usual account.
I'll try to keep it short.
My relationship with my bf (20m) (I'm also 20) has been mostly good but going downhill recently for a lot of reasons that aren't the topic of this post.
Anyway, over the last several weeks, every once in awhile my boyfriend will make sexual jokes at my expense and include "our" friends in the jokes; I say "our" because I am the only girl in this friend group and all of the other guys seem to prefer my bf. The jokes have been anything between implying I took part in a sexual act (which may or may not have been true, depending on what they joke about) to making a joke explicitly about me, saying something like "OP must do X or act like Y in bed, hahaha!"
My bf sometimes makes the joke, sometimes one of the other guys does. Either way he seems to think they're very funny. I do not and have either explicitly told him so (calmly and only to him) or just tried to ignore it and avoid it through body language, etc. The jokes make me extremely uncomfortable. Nothing has worked obviously since the jokes still happen occasionally.
Today it happened again and something in me just snapped and I couldn't control the words before they came out. We were all at dinner at a busy dining hall at our university, and another joke was made. All the guys thought it was funny again. Suddenly I snapped at my boyfriend, but definitely not shouting, more like a very angry loud whisper (nobody else in the dining hall seemed to notice).
I basically said "Stop it. That's not funny." Everyone at the table suddenly looked awkward even though I only addressed my bf. My bf looked flabbergasted for a moment before he looked angry and said (kinda paraphrasing) "you do not speak to me like that in front of my friends. that is incredibly embarrassing and rude." I attempted to apologize, I said "sorry for saying that like that," but he didn't seem to accept my attempts to apologize so I dropped it. I think I only tried to apologize to keep him from being too mad at me. It would have felt wrong to apologize for trying to stand up for myself. Does that make sense?
Later this evening, my bf said what I did is considered emotional abuse and that I have issues. None of my "friends" have said anything about the incident.
We are probably breaking up soon, but I want to know if I deserve my bf's frustration.
AITA for snapping at my bf in front of his/"our" friends? Is what I did abusive?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 81,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 81,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
XZnsEQspi6T3NmXZlNQ3gmszu2Up5x2d
|
apthsd
|
{
"description": "shoveling snowy driveway and depositing it on roommate's car",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for shoveling snowy driveway and depositing it on roommate’s car
|
Let me preface first with backstory before the straightforward title indicating to how I’m probably an asshole misleads you.
So yes, I did dump a rather large amount of snow on my roommate’s car somewhat recently. We live in Colorado and had gotten 19 inches of snow and I came home at 2AM from work unable to get into my driveway as it had snowed all day while I was not home. Our driveway is an L-shape that has us wrap around the house and park in the back so it’s a bit long. And this process took me roughly 2.5 hours. I did a thorough job clearing the back area but towards the end I hated taking each scoop all the way back out to the street so I had to find an alternative spot to stash the snow. That spot being on and around the vehicle of the roommate who had been home all day long and was asked by me prior in the day if he could assist with the shoveling before I got home by doing a portion of the drive.
[here’s photo evidence of the snow shoveling deed](https://imgur.com/a/rFGWNhU)
But there’s more to this story. This was a bit out of character for me but I did feel justified as the roommate is basically a bum. My previous roommate and good friend, had gotten engaged and moved in with this fiancée so he subleased his remaining lease term to a random Craigslist guy now roommate, who ended up becoming the biggest pain in my ass. He is late on last two months rent (his share) which our landlord is giving him a few more weeks to figure something out or else she’s coming to me for restitution pay. He doesn’t have a job. He doesn’t look for a job. His only source of income is donating and plasma as often as he’s allowed. He uses my restroom to take shits when I’m not there (came home once and caught him having just finished the act). He eats my food. And he like compulsively sings random songs and in dad-joke fashion changes the chorus to be filled with dreadful puns. Even my dog hates this guy.
So I took out my frustration by sending a subtle message. He was awake the whole time, he could’ve come outside to even offer help. The one thing I didn’t foresee was that his car wasn’t able to start the next morning until he cleared the snow and got it jumped. Ironically he missed his appointment to donate plasma. So I’m curious, despite the trauma endured by living under the same roof as this guy and him not helping me, am I the asshole?
TL;DR : Spent hours shoveling snow from driveway at 2AM because I couldn’t park so I dumped the snow pile on roommates car because he’s a bum who owes money and he could’ve helped and was home all day.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
h4qWsv1T8UWjL4johy8thB47iSqUUsVK
|
b9weqq
|
{
"description": "distancing myself from my crush because she came out as a lesbian to me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for distancing myself from my crush because she came out as a lesbian to me
|
Hey reddit! I really like the concept of this sub i think it allows to see diffrent aspects of the story. So please dont be mad for this story because i know this subject is very sensitive around the world right now and please if im in the wrong dont diss me, enlighten me
here we go
this story takes place in the span of 3 years from grade 6 - 8 (im in grade 9 now so i met her 4 years ago) because it was so long ago (at least the beginning) the details are a bit hazy for me sorry if the details arent good and if it seems fake but i promise its real
There was this girl at my school we will call Amy. I was in her class from grade 6 to 8 and the whole time i had a MASSIVE crush on her... she was one of those girls that were more like tomboyish but she wasnt fully a tomboy. She had been in the elementary school her whole life and i had just switched to that school for grade 6. she was the one to show me around and all that stuff you know the typical new kid stuff. So as u can imagine we quickly became friends and hung out a lot i developed a massive crush on her, i would think of her all the time and i would befriend all the guys she seemed close with (keep your friends close but your enemies closer kinda deal) even though that was kinda selfish some of these guys are some of my best friends today and already know that that were my initial intentions. Anyways we were always in the same class from grade 6 -8 (somehow) so we were really close and she would tell me things that she would tell no one else INCLUDING when one day she came out to me as a lesbian....
now as u can imagine i was DEVASTATED. i cried that night. She was the only girl that i acctually felt acctual love towards and this was really really hard on me. I kept blaming myself "i shouldve made a move a long time ago" "maybe she wouldnt be lesbian if i asked her out earlier" (YES i know she was born like that now) Anyways ever since that day we drifted apart and one day she told me "is it becauseim lesbian that we dont talk anymore" it was then that i poured my heart out i told her everything how i was crushing on her since the 6th grade. she was just silent. in shock i guess. she just left and i havent talked to her much ever since. it didnt help that this happened around the end of the year either. we didnt talk all summer and when we came back in september for grade 9 she had a GF and she surrounded herself with new people....
am i an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
fPy1wQwPGqhs1R5p6X5IUAG9lMtTXQUx
|
apomgf
|
{
"description": "telling my door dash driver to fuck off after they demanded a 2nd tip",
"pronormative_score": 46,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my door dash driver to fuck off after they demanded a 2nd tip?
|
So I wasn’t feeling like cooking tonight and decided to get something delivered. I settled on Hawaiian food. I picked out what I wanted, ordered and set my phone down. I had to leave a tip in the order. So I left a $3 tip, this tip was included in my order. Usually I chose the $3 tip and then give the delivery person $2 in cash when they get to my door.
So anyway I’m waiting and I check the map and see my driver is at the restaurant. I check again 10 minutes lasted and she’s still there. Whatever it’s probably busy. So then I get a text saying my food has been picked up and on it’s way. I live about 1.5 miles away. It took her 20 minutes to get here. Then I saw her car in the app was in from of my house. And there she was, I looked out and saw her there. On her phone. She looked over at my house and then back at her phone. I’m like wtf is she waiting for. So after a minute I get upset, put some pants on and go outside. THEN she gets out of her car and says “I’ve been out here for like 5 minutes” I told her she’s supposed to come to my door. To which she replies that no she’s isn’t and I have to request that and she never goes to the door.
So at this point I’m like whatever and she hands me my food and just stood there for a second. Then she goes “no tip?!”
I say I DID tip you, my order includes a tip. And she goes, yeah but that’s only $3. She then says “I was in the restaurant for half an hour, and then had to figure this maze of a neighborhood to get to your house. I think I deserve more”
I told her to fuck off and walked back to my house. She semi yelled something and got back in her car and drove off with some kind of rage.
Like wtf am I the asshole here or is she
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 45,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 46,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
AKA3Oip1oOJSESRAepaIgSAYJFhF0BGY
|
aj0zpm
|
{
"description": "ignoring a witness call from my college police in a sexual assault case for my ex",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For ignoring a witness call from my college police in a sexual assault case for my ex?
|
Around 2 years ago I started dating a girl. She was super smart and all, and we were genuinely happy. I thought there was 'a screw loose' based on her behavior and the fact she had diagnosed depression and BPD and all that jazz, but innocent 18 year old me ignored it. Over the course of our relationship she'd talk about meeting a 'weird and creepy' guy in her class. We both lived on campus, as did he. She started hanging out with him after classes, and I didn't have an issue with it. She started acting weird against me, like somehow figuring out my entire families addresses, figuring out where they worked, hell she even got a hold of my dad's SSN somehow. One of the worst things to me was if we ever walked past children (Like, 5 years old to 12 years old) she would start screaming at them to get the hell away from her while they were just walking past her. She claims she just really really REALLY hates children. Even 18 year old me's red alarms were going off because I have never told her any information about my family and I have no idea in hell how she got it all. I demanded she told me and she just laughed about it. The thought of breaking up over it was deep in my mind and I wasn't sure what I should do.
​
​
Well lo and behold, soon after meeting this creepy guy she flaked on myself and my parents (who drove over 4 hours just to meet her) and instead spent it with him, where she 'accidentally sucked his dick' (Yes, she literally said "I accidentally sucked his dick"). 18 year old me wasn't that dumb, so I quickly drop her and tell her not to contact me again.
​
​
Course she ended up contacting me a few times, but I ignored her completely. So, as a result, she starts to send letters to my NEW address (How in the hell did she find out my new address?) She started screwing around with my dad's SSN and he had to go through all sorts of legal issues. She would even contact my roommate and demand to see me (My roommate even let her in my room before!). I'd see her on campus and she'd literally start running after me and crying and screaming (see /r/BPDlovedones for more similar stories). Christ, she even contacted me on ANIMAL CROSSING
​
​
Well, 1 year later I think I see the last of her. No issues with her anymore ever since I blocked every one of her accounts and phone numbers I can find, as do my parents. I still see her around campus but she doesn't come chasing after me and I ignore her. Outta the blue a few weeks ago, after about a year and a half breaking it off, I got a voicemail from yet another new number of hers (How the hell did she find my number AGAIN?) She says that she used my name as a potential witness in a sexual assault case for her against 'creepy guy'. I think this is weird because all I know about him is that he's weird and she 'accidentally sucked his dick'. I have no idea of what happened to them after, so I have no useful information. Staying true to my no-contact rule, I block that number and think nothing of it. I later get a voicemail from my college police saying "Hey this is the police Ms. 'scaryBPDgirlWhoMightKillMe' said you might have some information you'd like to share about Mr. 'AccidentallySuckyDick' come visit us if you'd like". I again ignore that message because I want nothing to do with my ex, including this. I don't want her figuring out where I live now (Or my NEW new phone number)
​
​
I've been thinking about it new a few weeks later, and AITA here? I'm actually looking for a criminal justice type career after my Comp-Sci degree, and I don't want this guy around campus if this assault did happen if I could help with any info I have. But again, all I know is that he's kinda wierd and his dick has this incredible power that draws in members of the opposite gender and can actually cause 'accidental sucking of the penis'. I don't want anything to do with this girl. AITA for not doing more?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
4exAKuZ3rpo5lXBdl68p53lByLLbruvl
|
anqw6v
|
{
"description": "refusing to text a fake friend who's not in a good place",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I refused to text a fake friend who's not in a good place?
|
*Tl;dr A guy I had a dubious friendship with is in a less than ideal situation and I don't want to reach out to him.*
So I went to a small high school where I didn't have a lot of friends. I met this guy through the school band, as we were both in the same section, and he and I talked once or twice. However, when I would try to hang out (e.g. sit with him at lunch or something) he would constantly be sitting with his other friends and wouldn't even address me when I spoke to him. He was also on his phone basically 24/7 but when I texted him it always took him 5+ days or so to respond. He never was directly impolite to me, but it felt like I was definitely putting more into our friendship than I was getting out of it, so I stopped hanging out with him and he earned my enmity for the rest of high school.
Now we're both in college, and I'm very much over my social life in high school. However, recently I heard from another friend that my old fake friend (who is going to college on a sports scholarship or something) hates the community he's in; he doesn't drink or party, and he's found that nobody else around him shares that trait.
One side of me is like, finally, karma's come around and he's getting what he deserves. But at the same time, I faced similar problems early on in college as well, until I found a community I could fit into, and I feel a little bad for his situation. The other friend who told me this suggested I text him, but I promised myself I would cut toxic people out of my life once I graduated high school.
If I refused to reach out to him, would it be assholish?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
paiGfE0GkGnC5qhUUnrdktPkA6oxG0QU
|
aihln6
|
{
"description": "alerting my girlfriend about a scam going around",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for alerting my girlfriend about a scam going around?
|
For the story to make sense we need to cover what happened yesterday. We were at an auction and my girlfriend had $1,000 in a PayPal account that I've never seen her use before and I thought it was strange that she wanted to send it to my bank account to buy some jerseys at the auction. I asked her where she got the money from and she told me that she saved it up and put it into her PayPal. I thought that was a weird way of saving money but I went with it.
​
Now today I saw a post on instagram where one of my friends got a dm saying, "I'll send you $1,000 for a nude and it doesn't even have to show your face or anything." So my friend just send a random nude he found online and the guy actually sent the money. Now at this point I know what's going on with the scammer, it's the same problem with Twitch streamer donations. A person donates a large amount of money and then does a chargeback and somehow ends up refunding the donation and then the streamer gets hit with a fee of some sort and the scammer makes a few bucks off of it. I don't know all the logistics of the scam but that's the essential scheme of it.
​
So while I was at work I sent her a text saying hey I'm not mad if you did this but there's a scam going around where a guy will send you $1,000 over PayPal for a nude but then he refunds it and you'll have to pay a fee and get screwed over. And she thought I was calling her a slut and how could I possibly think of her like that. Then she goes on to say how she has a credit card with PayPal and pulled the money out of her credit card and was trying to send me that money to use. But that threw up a red flag because her story isn't lining up with what she told me yesterday. Then there was some back and forth arguing and I was trying to explain to her that I'm only trying to look out for her but she said it's a joke that I thought she would even sell her self like that in the first place. But I trust her that she didn't send a nude I was just honestly trying to give her a heads up.
​
Am I the asshole for thinking she sold a nude for $1,000 even though she swears she didn't?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
VVCoIJ8H5hPUbiSWIgXdhcrxqr6Hgibq
|
b8tm33
|
{
"description": "yelling back",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for yelling back?
|
A while ago my friend and I were waiting for our order at a shop when this man starts ranting and yelling about how we were in his personal space, we should move to the other side etc. I'm barely five feet tall and my friend is even shorter than me, so it was terrifiyng that a six feet tall man towering over me was yelling at me over some bullshit. I hate it when people are in my personal space myself and I was a good feet away from the man. I started yelling back because the fastest way to trigger blind rage for me is when people start shouting in my face and refused to move from my spot because I wasn't anywhere near the guy to begin with? Felt awkward after because the whole shop was staring at us and was wondering why nobody stepped in was because I was the asshole in this situation. Even after I stopped yelling back, the guy kept talking shit.
Then I noticed the cashier was trying to calm down the customer but I don't understand why these type of establishments don't call the police when deranged individuals start harassing other customers? Especially if the frequent the area enough for you to know their name? But on the other hand, the cashier could've known the guy personally. The area didn't seem sketchy to me at all either. I couldn't tell if the man was drunk or mentally ill (which is already bad enough because of how stigmatized it is). I feel bad now because the man could possibly been mentally ill. You never know what kind of struggles people are going through. I myself am trying to wait until the next semester of uni to get treated for anger issues amongst other personal issues. In hindsight, it would've been better to go to the other side because you never know how dangerous some people are.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
thcHvZ8n3Mnukdg6lOzE1WfZ7dGpACup
|
a62aq7
|
{
"description": "asking my father for money to visit my separated mother's father before he passes",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my father for money to visit my separated mother’s father before he passes?
|
The title might be confusing, but basically my mother and father split when I was born. So they are separated and for as long as I can remember they have been.
My grandfather on my mother’s side is basically confirmed to pass sometime before the end of this week. I would like to visit him before he passes but my family is in Missouri and I live in California. A last minute round trip flight or even one way is basically $500+ (or $1,000+ for round trip).
I’m a recent college graduate who just entered the biology research field. Any biology major knows that most entry level bio jobs basically do not pay crap. On top of that, I live in LA. I basically don’t get to save much money and will in no way be able to afford or pay off a random $1,000.
I’m in a strange position where I’m more of a lone dog. I am not that social and do not talk to people often, including family. Thus, I can’t just ask my mom’s family for money because they probably would be surprised that I even wanted to go visit one last time. They’re also not rich and obviously a funeral is around the corner.
So the only real option I think is to ask my father. However, to make things worse, when his father died last year I did not show remorse or even attend the funeral. I had never talked to my dads father so honestly didn’t know anything about him. He was a complete stranger to me. My dad knows this and wasn’t upset I didn’t attend the funeral, but I’m not sure he’d be comfortable paying for me to visit my mother’s father when I showed no such interest towards his own father.
To make it even MORE complicated, my parents HATE each other. All things point towards it seeming inappropriate to ask my father but I really want to visit my grandfather before he passes... I don’t know what to do or how to ask even if I’m an asshole for doing it TT
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
tzzQTO20mN8iVfRWLqDymjsjaFsLGXOt
|
ajj2ln
|
{
"description": "not letting my uncle use my computer",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my uncle use my computer?
|
This happened years ago when I was in my late teens but I decided to ask now because I always wondered if how I reacted was wrong (because sometimes I was an asshole at that age) or if I was justified because opinions within my own family were pretty split on the point.
It was some holiday and we were all at my grandparents house. I had brought my laptop and I was showing some of my family members the details of a trip I was taking on it. When I was done I closed my laptop and set it to the side on the table.
Later that night I see my uncle using my laptop. Taken back I asked him:
“You don’t ask first before you start to use my laptop?”
Now...if he had simply said oh sorry...do you mind?? I would have let it go and be like SURE GO HEAD but instead he simply goes:
“No” and the way he said it was so infuriatingly entitled as if he had no reason to ask.
So my reaction was to walk over and close the laptop and walk away with it because he felt entitled to use my personal belonging without asking and I felt disrespected.
He was furious and made a huge deal over it. He then demanded I apologize after to the point my own Dad was asking me to just apologize to just clear the air days after.
I never did and I never really regretted that decision but...am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
B3osetWkmGdUdTVaW3uZm2SDf2bNnVEo
|
9tm00p
|
{
"description": "complaining about a dog in my building",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for complaining about a dog in my building?
|
For Backstory: Three years ago I lived in a building with a dog who would snarl and bark and claw and dig at the door every time I walked by with my dog. I didn't say anything because I figured the dog was behind a door. One day we were getting off the elevator and that dog attacked us, and my dog suffered a facial injury and definitely some emotional trauma.
Now: I recently moved into a new apartment building with my dog. To get out of the building, we have to walk by a corner apartment where another dog lives. Immediately after we moved in, each time we walked by the door, the dog would snarl and growl and bark and dig at the door so much so that the door would shake, and my dog would cry as she walked past. It was not barking, which I am fine with. Dogs bark, I get it and I really don't care if we are barked at. it sounded like this dog wanted to eat my dog for breakfast, the exact same way that it sounded before she was attacked. I went down to the leasing office after about a week of this and told them my story, and that I just wanted to make them aware that it was happening. I brought them up and we walked past the apartment together and they saw what was happening, and it really scared them too. My understanding is that they called the woman who lives there to tell her about the issue, but otherwise I don't know what was said. They told me to keep track of the dates and times that the snarling and growling and door shaking happens, which I have been doing just in case we would ever have a problem.
Maybe 3 days later, I saw the woman with her dog and explained to her that it was making me and my dog uncomfortable, and that we were scared because of what was happening. I asked her to help me find some solutions and even offered to pay for a gate to keep the dog away from the door while she was at work. I also offered to do a leashed meet and greet in a neutral place to try to help the situation despite being nervous. I also informed her that my family was a breeder and we were professional trainers, and told her that I was training my dog to walk on the far side of me when we go by the door to try to help the situation. She has been totally furious and rude to me, and completely unwilling to entertain doing anything to help the situation.
Last night we saw them while we were out on our walk. The woman told me to my face how much she didn't like me, because her dog was not aggressive. I am satisfied based on our meet and greet that the dog is not aggressive in a neutral place, but I am not convinced it is not reactive and won't be aggressive in its own home about its own territory. However, based on what I have seen, I do NOT intend to lodge another complaint unless the situation escalates beyond growling and snarling.
I guess this woman's reaction to my complaint took me aback. I feel like if I got that message that my dog was scaring people while I was at work, I would be trying to figure out why, and what she needed to be happier and work on the problem instead of just being angry that someone complained. I think at best the dog is not getting enough exercise or stimulation, which makes me truthfully sad for the pup. I am wondering if I am the ass hole for complaining at all.
​
Tl:Dr
I complained to my building about a dog barking and growling and snarling and digging and shaking the door every time I walk by and scaring me and my dog. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
cqK6HikrzMEFXnvJTl1RZSWKyJgEnRxN
|
ag21xn
|
{
"description": "getting angry at a Friends with benefits",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For getting angry at a Friends with Benefits?
|
So back story, me and this girl (Let’s call her Sarah) have been friends for 4 years and have decided to enter a private FWB 6 months ago. We made it pretty clear that the only condition to be kept was the secrecy of the relationship since we are students involved in a small high school program. A while back I found out Sarah told a close friend of hers when we were looking through her texts together and she admitted everything we have done to her friend. At first she tried to say it was a joke, but after some crying to admitted that she did in fact tell him everything. I got upset and really angry, essentially I told her to give me time to calm down and decide if we should still continue even being friends. Everyone advised me to just suck it up and let it be, so I decided to just that. So my question is, AITA for reacting the way I did? Judge me to hell im pretty sure I can take it since it’s resolved. I still feel very uneasy about the situation and I need some outsider perspective.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
o47csI7F2lY2e18VBnfLsNdNKecM8kwy
|
am4nv7
|
{
"description": "misinterpreting a friend's sexual proposition",
"pronormative_score": 53,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for misinterpreting a friend's sexual proposition?
|
Throwaway account cuz I don't want this tied to my main.
Hi, Reddit! I [33m] work in a large office for a big financial company, and I have a work buddy [24f] with whom I take my breaks and occasionally hang out after work. We've been good friends for four years.
It is relevant to remark that she is very attractive. She did some modeling in her teens until she got pregnant and had to give that up. I on the other hand am a big, pudgy dude with old injuries & a fetal alcohol syndrome, which makes me look a bit weird.
My friend is has been single for a while after a string of relationships that went bad after a few months. I only ever see her dating young & very attractive dudes. There has never been anything sexual between her and I. When we first started hanging out she made it abundantly clear that friendship was all she was looking for.
Her and I have talked a lot about her dating problems lately. Recently she was talking with some firefighter dude who she was very excited about until he ghosted her. She was telling me about it yesterday morning on our first break, complaining that she has not gotten laid in weeks, and then she said "I should delete POF and just fuck you instead." I assumed she was joking. I've never been sexually propositioned before, so I responded "I don't think you have to stoop that low just yet." It was immediately obvious that I had upset her. She said "fuck you," got up and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since.
I emailed her to explain myself and apologize, but she never responded. Today as I came in to work I saw all the stuff from her office that I had given to her over the years tossed into the dumpster, and I didn't see her for break this morning.
I still don't think I understand why she's so upset, and I don't understand why we have to end a good friendship over a misunderstanding. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 49,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 53,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
X1lEMYg3QS2IqbZSPukkW3zTEpoNbAEC
|
aazzb2
|
{
"description": "not wanting my 23-year-old friend to bring his high school gf to my NYE party",
"pronormative_score": 48,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting my 23-year-old friend to bring his high school gf to my NYE party?
|
For context, I’ve been good friends with this guy since middle school. He and I both went to the same college, and, while I graduated, he’s done a few “victory laps” and is still in school. Also, while I’ve grown up some, at least in my opinion, he is still somewhat immature. Most recently showcased by his current relationship with a high school senior that he met at work.
My fiancée (23) and I (24) recently moved into our first “adult apartment.” So, we were planning on throwing a housewarming/NYE party tomorrow. I naturally extended an invite to my buddy. However, he is now insisting that I allow him to bring his gf or he won’t come.
My issue is her age. While she is 18, she still can’t drink according to the law. I really don’t want to be providing alcohol to a minor, especially a high school student, in the apartment that my fiancée and I, both professionals, reside. It could impact our careers. I feel somewhat hypocritical for that, since I did drink underage frequently, but I just don’t want to put myself in that situation. Also, while I do understand that he is legally allowed to date her, the whole situation is creepy to me, and I don’t want him to think I’m encouraging it.
So, reddit, am I the asshole for drawing this hard line?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 47,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 48,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
Fk00zncj8x8uGM8P6YGHOArEliMtatRT
|
anx6uq
|
{
"description": "lying to my bestfriends girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for lying to my bestfriends girlfriend
|
TLDR at the end
Bit of info, my friend and I have known each other for 15+ years, he has been dating this girl for 1 year, we are all in our early 20's
My friend texted me asking to call him saying my car broke down so he could leave a double date with his girlfriend because he was bored, I told him to be up front and tell her he wanted to go but he didnt want to make it awkward, I told him he was being an ass but I would help, so I called and said I my car was overheating and I needed coolant to avoid towing it.
He leaves and calls me a few minutes later to thank me and tell me what happened. He said they were just meant to hang out at his girlfriend's house with the other couple (gf2 and bf2), the other couple showed up 3 hours late, gf2 wanted to watch a movie they've all seen and make out which my friend said was weird to do that it front of another couple, he said even the other guy was so bored he tried to make up an excuse to leave but gf2 called him out on it.
So fast forward a bit my friends girlfriend texts me to ask if I was okay, it's normal for her to text me as we are friends too. So I screenshot my conversation with my friend to send to her but before I do, I call him to tell him I was going to let her know what happened and said that he needs to be up front with her about stuff like this, he said don't tell her what happened and that he would talk to her later that night, so instead I told her that my car was overheating but I was fine.
After my friend calls her to tell her what happened, she texts me back asking if I lied, I let her know right away what had happened, she called me out for lying and she said she felt like shit because her boyfriend (my friend) left her to be the third wheel with the other couple which even she agreed was getting awkward before he left. We texted back and forth for a bit and she seemed okay with what happened after I finished talking to her.
Am I being the asshole for going along with it and helping him, or is my friend the asshole for getting me involved and not handling the situation the right way.
TLDR
I lied about my car breaking down and to my friends girlfriend to get him out of a bad double date, afterwards I made him tell her what happened and she got upset for us lying to her.
Am I the asshole or is my friend for getting me involved?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
eLxYKjF8IFIXmBfKmU9aewBADqFgjtXv
|
b13pdf
|
{
"description": "not taking a shift back that I gave away",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for not taking a shift back that I gave away.
|
I’m a teen and I work at a local small business and was scheduled to work 5:30-11:00pm Friday night. We generally get our schedules Saturday and last Saturday my coworker asked to have my shift this Friday night. I immediately said yes and the schedule was changed that day. Later in the week I made some plans to hang out with friends Friday night. She texted me today (the day before the shift) telling me she had a wedding to go to tomorrow and can no longer cover my shift. My point of view is at this stage that’s not my shift and it’s her responsibility to find someone who can cover it or call off.
WIBTA?
Also I haven’t responded yet and would appreciate advise one what to do.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
h5tlzEBlH6VSTXxnXISkojAbq2svyuTp
|
b3nhyh
|
{
"description": "repeatedly calling out casual racism at work",
"pronormative_score": 48,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITAH for repeatedly calling out casual racism at work?
|
I work in a very close team where we go for happy hour a lot and we make a lot of jokes as well. I'm the only black person in the team and some of my teammates either think all black people look alike and they get offended when I tell them that it's kind of racist to do so.
To give a few example:
* We had one other black person join our team for short time and they used to refer his as my cousin even if I told them not to do so.
* When we go outside for happy hour or some other team activities they will see any random black person and say either he looks like he is my brother or something like that
I don't think they do this to offend me or something, but I couldn't let it slide either and I started to feel like I'm policing what they say. How would you handle this? am I being overly sensitive and fallen into the PC culture?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 46,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 48,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
sElWvfnjYx3uS5Q0kerYIJGeeBwhcL66
|
abfaqc
|
{
"description": "\"hijacking\" my friend's friend group",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for "hijacking" my friend's friend group?
|
I'm using an alt as my friend uses reddit as well.
So last year, I was in a new school and making new friends. I became friends with one of my classmates as we both shared interests in playing an online game. I'll call him Alex in this story. So, fast forward a few weeks, he introduces me to some of his childhood friends who also play this game. For the next few months me, Alex and some of his friends would spend the weekend gaming all day. It was super fun and we all had a great time. I ended up becoming better friends with them and we would go out together, sometimes even without Alex. This carried on until about August last year? Slowly, Alex and I slowly began to drift apart and we ended our friendship in a small argument but that's for a different story. Alex had found a different group of friends that he hung out with. His old friends also began to distance themselves from him due to personal issues as well that I was not involved with.
A few weeks later, I was chatting with one of Alex's friends and he asked me about something Alex told his friend group. "Hey (my name), so Alex is mad at you for 'stealing' his old friends? He told me it was because of you that they decided not to play with him anymore." After hearing this I was confused so I texted Alex about this. I don't have the messages because I switched phones recently but Alex basically says that he was the one who introduced me to his group of friends and now I've stolen them from him.
I still hangout with Alex's old friends and we still play together but Alex has not been in contact with any of them since last year.
​
Am I the Asshole in this situation?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SOsQKjqKHmMorYfPvll2sR3INYwHzCfC
|
b91ryt
|
{
"description": "not wanting to help my friend out by cooking him dinner",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help my friend out by cooking him dinner?
|
A good friend of mine had his first child a week or so ago. He sent me pictures, I congratulated him and his wife and all is well. We hung out occasionally before his newborn but it wasn’t an every weekend sort of thing.
I get a text “hey would you want to meet my son”. I say “absolutely man!” Genuinely wanting to meet his son and he replies “cool, we have a meal train set up”. I had no idea what that was. Apparently it’s for friends to sign up for a night to cook dinner for friends who don’t have much time to cook meals (new parents, families with children in hospitals, etc.)
He sends me the link and asks me to pick a date. I do it in the moment, but I’m more and more bothered by how he did it. I’d be more than fine with him saying they’re struggling and it’d be a huge help if I signed up. I guess I have the problem that he opened with using the introduction of his newborn son and it’s really rubbing me the wrong way. Kind of like: Hey want to meet my son? Well come cook me dinner then.
Thinking about canceling and I wanted to know how much of an asshole that’d make me.
tldr: My buddy asks if I want to meet his newborn, then uses that to send me a link to his mealtrain asking me to sign up to cook dinner for them for a night and come meet his son.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
O1RctEZSVjBIN9RlucR63VR5x2JAGXJi
|
ais2mp
|
{
"description": "making my Fiancé Stick to his side of the deal",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Making My Fiancé Stick To His Side Of The Deal?
|
We have a dog. We have to take turns taking her outside to use the bathroom. Yesterday evening he asked me to take her out, but I said no as it was his turn, and he hadn't taken her out at all that day. He kept begging because he couldn't be bothered, but I was adamant and didn't want to be a push over.
He eventually came up with the deal that if I took her out then, he would take her out every time the next day and I wouldn't have to take her at all. That sounded like a sweet deal to me, (Taking her out is a bit of a hassle, especially in the current weather) so I accepted and took her out.
I Went to bed that night and by the time I woke at about 5am he was still up but about to head to bed. Just before I left he told me to wake him up when I got home, as I usually take her out as soon as I get back from work, and obviously he'd have to take the shift.
I Arrived home later that day and gently roused him, as I'd been instructed. The first thing he did when he woke was ask me to take the dog out. I Reminded him of the deal but he started moaning that he'd hardly slept and begging me. When I didn't cave in he got very mad, even told me to get out his house at one point. He throws that around all the time when he's angry, so I didn't take him serious. Instead I just went to the bedroom (He's fell asleep on the sofa) and stayed there for the rest of the day. He did take her out not long after that confrontation, but was obviously not happy about it, throwing her lead across the kitchen and leaving it there in the floor instead of putting it away once he was done.
I Had to go out somewhere that evening, and he still seemed a little annoyed even at that point, refusing to say goodbye to me. I Got home again a few hours later, and once again he asked me to take the dog out as he was in the middle of an online game. I Simply Responded with, "You know what I'm gonna say.." So he just told me to get out. Now once again, I am banished to the bedroom on my own, where I sit and write this right now, and he is again in a mood with me.
So, am I being unnecessarily stubborn by wanting to stick to our deal? Should I have just done what he said?
If I can defend myself for a moment, I wanna say that I did this out of principle. It wasn't that I just couldn't be bothered taking her, it's that I don't want to be to be a pushover like I have been in this and past relationships. My fiancé is kinda manipulative and good and getting me to bend to his will, so I wanted to start making a stand and end that pattern.
But, it's for you to judge.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
YeHklXLOLRws63mKjvqyzbWu7klQt1s6
|
awrjd2
|
{
"description": "getting my roommate expelled out of the hostel for smoking inside our room with doors and windows closed and harassing me while our examinations were going on, basically making him homeless",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting my roommate expelled out of the hostel for smoking inside our room with doors and windows closed and harassing me while our examinations were going on, basically making him homeless?
|
I am a senior year undergraduate, and our college has several in-campus hostels. Each student is allotted a hostel to live in, and there aren't any better places to live around our campus.
This incidence happened a few months ago. I didn't want a roommate, but I arrived late for my semester registration, so, they only had one double room available. So, I and my batchmate, who I didn't know very well, decided to share that room. A few weeks passed, and we were getting along pretty well. But, he almost always seemed high on something or the other, which was not a problem for me on the condition that whatever he did shouldn't affect me. But, he would always be moaning and making weird sounds and doing some stupid stuff which was disturbing.
He was a chronic smoker, and I am a non-smoker. And smoking is not allowed in our hostel. I didn't have any problem with him smoking. My only condition was that he shouldn't smoke inside my room.
Days passed, and things started to fall apart between us. I always tried to be patient with him and often compromised, even with his ridiculous demands. One of his requirements was to switch the lights off whenever he wanted to sleep, which would sometimes be pretty early. Irrespective of whether I was studying or working. But, I complied and started using a small table lamp instead of room lights whenever he used to sleep. After doing this for a few days, he asked me even to keep the table lamp switched off. I did that for the night he asked me to do so. Things started to escalate that night when he asked me to change the orientation of my bed and table so that the light from my laptop won't disturb him. It was painful to rearrange a bed and study-table, and I was working, so, I said that I would do it in a day or two. When he insisted, I strictly told him that I wouldn't do it.
Next day, he was in a bad mood because of last night. So, he started smoking inside the room to irritate me. He didn't stop at that. It was a hot and humid summers day, and he began by closing all the doors and windows of our room (while he was smoking). The switches to control lights and fan in our room was on his side of the room, so, he switched them off and told me that I couldn't switch them on as I was no longer allowed on his side of the room. I warned him 10-12 times to stop doing this, but he didn't listen.
So, I took a videotaped him smoking in the room and sent an entire narration of the events of that day along with the proof. Soon, they allotted me a new room, and he was expelled from our hostel while our examinations were going on. It's a tedious process to get a new hostel, so, he was probably left homeless. The warden reported him to the Dean of Student Affairs. I didn't follow up on what happened to him after that.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
uBXxYXBwJ1l6CP4jZ5rTTqXj9A7VRqoH
|
b5mdlv
|
{
"description": "being strict with my so about our budget",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being strict with my SO about our budget?
|
Hi, all. I'm going to be a little deliberately vague about specifics, because my partner is a Redditor, too.
We're both in our 20s and have been together for nearly a decade. We just relocated to a new city for SO's career, but are making very little money and it's tough to make ends meet sometimes. We currently both work in the gig economy, so income can be unpredictable from week to week. SO comes from a wealthy family, and it's their family who is helping us out with our rent, so our primary expenses are food, gas, groceries, and utilities.
Well, my SO is crazy irresponsible with finances, even with the little money we do have. Part of it isn't in their control, because they have a mental illness, and one of the main symptoms is compulsively spending. So I feel bad for criticizing their habits... but on the other hand, because SO comes from a wealthy background, I also feel that they have no concept of what it's like to budget. My SO has never had to penny-pinch or sacrifice to make ends meet. I came from a family that wasn't nearly as privileged, and regularly had to make money stretch from paycheck to paycheck.
Because of their habits, I'm completely in charge of our finances, and I hate it. SO begs me every day to eat out, or to "treat ourselves" because they worked hard or had a stressful day. I do empathize, but it's just not financially responsible for us. What really drives me crazy is when they beg to go out for food when we already have stuff at home. I'll even list the things we have, but they will insist that they just aren't hungry for those things. It makes me want to scream, "So what?! Tough it out!" But I never do. Sometimes I just give in because I'm tired of arguing about it every fucking day.
Sometimes to make our money stretch until payday, I skip meals. My SO never does, and that makes me resent them, if I'm totally honest.
Because when I do suggest we be more frugal, they get really upset. They always say that, in the worst case scenario, their parents will send us money. I'm appreciative of the help they already give us, I don't want them to give us anymore. I really want us to stick it out for ourselves. But they say that I'm the asshole for making them stressed over a "non issue."
I love my partner more than anything in the world, but it makes me really concerned for our financial future.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
t8hYj1TpnFaoGuEyBPIrq1oniaj1xdum
|
b3fuxr
|
{
"description": "getting into an argument with someone else for a friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting into an argument with someone else for a friend?
|
Obligatory apologies for being a mobile user, first time poster and English not being my first language.
TLDR at the bottom.
So, one day I saw a text conversation between my friend and the other guy who I’ll refer to as TOG from now on because I am bad at giving people cool.acronyms and it is currently three in the morning where I live.
The conversation basically went like this:
TOG: Hey F I’m warning you not to do anything inappropriate to my girlfriend like last time. (F literally only looked at the two of them, nothing more. TOG overreacted)
F: what tf did I do
TOG: Just telling you to keep your distance from my girl at camp
F: don’t you worry I have no interest in your ugly ass gf
TOG: You better watch your language
F:ok
TOG: You’re no different from rotten firewood, at least I’m superior to you in every way.
Naturally I went psycho over this and texted TOG to shut tf up. His response was, unsurprisingly, to belittle me on my age (I am but four months his junior), tell me to go fuck myself in an extremely patronizing tone, and to question my academic results, all of which I replied to by insulting him deeply, quoting TOG on him being superior and a better sport. Needless to say, he did not take this well.
TLDR: friend is warned by other guy not to look at(not ogle, not even close) his gf, followed by numerous personal attacks, I retaliate and get him back.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
tZj22hJXO2g4dFAFUpbPboSxyYkCmMLf
|
b35zh1
|
{
"description": "choosing my family over my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for choosing my family over my boyfriend?
|
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years now. He’s always been the kind of guy that always want to spend time with me and be with me. We live together and he says he sleeps the best whenever I’m by his side.
So the remainder of my family members from Vietnam is finally moving to America after waiting for over a decade. This will be the first time my whole family is together in over 20 years. I’m picking them up Thursday night and I told my boyfriend I wanted to spend the night with them. He asked me why don’t I just come home after spending time with them? And sleep on Saturday since he doesn’t work on weekends? I told him there’s no point since our apartment is further away from my workplace than my parents’ house. I thought it would be a smart idea to just stay there and go to work in the morning. He started to get mad saying he can’t sleep without me and he has to wake up at 5am for work and I’m being selfish and thinking about myself. I told him it’s my family I’m allowed to go see them if I want to. And then he said, “fine do what u want. Ima do me” and I said that he was being petty and mean. And he had the audacity to say, “other bitches don’t think so” and I’m like “fine go ahead. I don’t care anymore. I’m sick of the way you speak to me.” So I ran out into the living room crying. I decided to sleep out here for the night. He comes out and says he’s been super stressed out because of work and I’m the only person who can help him get his mind off it, but instead of finding ways to help reduce his stress, I’m being selfish. So he said not to speak to him and that he’s going to ignore me for a couple of weeks. I don’t know how serious he was being because he tends to say stuff when he’s angry. But I don’t know if I’m wrong for not considering his feelings or what? Am I the asshole here?
TDLR: Will be reunited with family from Vietnam on Thursday. Wanted to spend the night with them. Asked boyfriend. Boyfriend is stressed and needs me home so he flipped out when I asked and told me not to speak to him and that he will ignore me for a few weeks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
qfK8w9y7XmOgmwGiOinuM3PoEo5waGyC
|
appjhf
|
{
"description": "not wanting to babysit my little cousins sometimes",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to babysit my little cousins sometimes
|
So to start off I’m 16 with no job. From the title it would sound like babysitting for my aunt would be a good thing, and it would be if I actually got paid for it. My aunt always asks me to watch her son after he gets out of school for the day and I usually say yes because I don’t normally have anything going on after school other than spending time with my boyfriend. Anyways I usually end up watching him until my grandparents come home if they’re out or until my aunt picks him up. I don’t mind watching him because he’s not a bad kid but I am tired of not getting anything in return for it. There isn’t even gratitude on her part for me doing this for her. I’ve gotten to the point where I make plans so that I don’t have to watch him but then I feel bad because my grandma gets stuck watching him when she would rather be out doing her own thing. I just want to know if I’m the asshole here for not wanting to be the one always doing this for her
TL;DR- my aunt usually asks me to watch her kid after school and doesn’t pay me or even offer to pay me and doesn’t have much appreciation for it when I do. I feel bad for making plans because then my grandma ends up doing it
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
LkcGfD5xzySLGLJtIVjmVcW1okslJb6P
|
9tb19q
|
{
"description": "cutting off the girl who dumped me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off the girl who dumped me
|
I (M16) had previously asked this girl (F16) out and had been rejected. She asked to remain friends and we did. 6 months later I had reason to believe that my feelings were mutual, and thus I asked her out again (in person this time). This time around she said yes. For the next three days, everything was great. We planned a date and there was plenty of conversation (texts). Then, out of the blue she sent me a message which basically said that she was breaking up with me because it was "more of a best friend situation" and asking if we could still be friends. I felt very betrayed.
In the weeks after this, I steadily cut off communication with her. I was not mean or aggressive, just cordial. My brother has said that I was unjustified in doing so. For reference, this happened over a year ago. If you have any questions, ask away.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Q4kmyZxDmngmHKmJXv2O7hXILH7bi4cc
|
aqv9sf
|
{
"description": "saying the n-word with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for saying the N-word with my friends?
|
Ok, for a little context, it was during recess at school, it was me, couple of my friend and a girl that i met during an English course, i was talking about a black friend of mine that i met again that morning after 2 years, he went from a 1.60 chubby kid to a 1.85 ripped guy, so to describe him i said something that can be roughly translated to "you remember mohamed?" "Yeah" "Bro, i saw him this morning, i almost didn't recognize him, he became a huge fucking nigger" to which the girl interrupted me saying that i was a racist asshole, i denied because im not racist and tried to explain it to her but she wouldn't listen so someone changed the subject.
Also i feel that it's important to say that i don't live in the US so the "N word" it's not really an offensive term useless it's used in a derogative way, also the guy's nickname when translated is literally "mohamed the nigger" so im positive that im not the asshole
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
w3coh2bJKfR2EveCx8se1cKCq62sVX7r
|
b64dvi
|
{
"description": "going back on my word to my brother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going back on my word to my brother?
|
2 and a half years ago my (M26) father passed away unexpectedly at a very young age. After he passed in the first few months it was obviously very hard for me and my brother (M22) to cope with, as we both lived with him in his house full time.
After he passed, me and my brother decided to let the house foreclose with no repercussions to either of our names. We just couldn’t afford his high mortgage as I was finishing up school and him just starting.
My father did have a large life insurance policy (about 110k) left for me and my brother to split 50/50.
Right after he passed I told/promised my brother we would buy our own house and start fresh. However after looking for about 3-4 months, time was running thin on how soon the bank would repossess my fathers house and left us no choice but to start renting.
Fast forward to present day, we are still living in the same apartment. And after some vacations here and there along with paying our rent with the insurance money and not living as frugally as we should have,we are left with about 40k to still split.
A short time after my dad passing, I met a wonderful girl and have been dating ever since. We are now at the point where me and her have been looking for houses because we both have good/steady income and are at the point in our relationship/lives we are ready to settle down together and take these next steps.
My brother on the other hand, works about 30-35 hours part time making slightly above minimum wage, not making enough to cover half a mortgage/bills etc.
My brother is now upset that I walked back on my word. Telling me he has 20k in the bank and he can afford it.
The thing is, once his “honey pot” runs out, this will leave me to flip the majority of the bills.
I offered him to move in with us for the time being, only charging him our utility bills.
I recommended to him to put his half of the insurance money in a new account and told him not to touch it until he himself is ready to buy a house of his own, and pay the utilities in my home with his personal income and save up in the mean time. Until he locked down a well paying full time job.
When my father passed we were just kids who didn’t know what we were doing and we were about to take on a mortgage we had no business getting into at the time. We just figured we would buy together because we had “all this money.”
AITA for walking back my word and deciding to buy with my partner instead of him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
hPwVBog7cn2fAPW0oFHMEJZdIwvU4Qei
|
avk0qc
|
{
"description": "reporting my bulimic coworker to my supervisor",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 31
}
|
AITA for reporting my bulimic coworker to my supervisor?
|
One of my coworkers is obviously bulimic. Anytime after she eats, she goes to the bathroom that's not very far away from my desk and throws it back up. She's losing a lot of weight fast, too. Which is none of my business. But the fact that she's using the bathrooms to purge is really nasty. I feel for her if she has a mental illness, but it doesn't mean it's okay for her to just blatantly do that in public like that. She also sprays a ton of air freshener after she does it. I've gone in afterwards and it's not like there's vomit still in the toilet/all over or anything, so she does clean up.
I'm not trying to sound heartless or like I don't care about her as a person, FYI. I do care which is exactly why I ended up going to my supervisor behind a closed door and letting him know that I was concerned about Coworker's behavior and gave him enough examples and what to look out for so he didn't have to just go off my word alone.
Well a few days ago he approached Coworker and let her know that someone had raised concern about her throwing up and he wanted to check in with her and see if she was sick, etc. Since then she has kept very quietly to herself and hasn't really talked to anyone in the office outside of normal office duties. We are usually a vibrant office so it's noticeable.
Well today she did it again and I approached my supervisor about it and he sat down and gave her an official warning I guess because she came out crying and left early.
Am I The Asshole? Did I do something really wrong by telling my supervisor?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 31,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 31
}
|
WRONG
|
ylenzleQyhjMW5H3SdERB11QjZ8aoYxT
|
b2sqqg
|
{
"description": "excluding my father from my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I excluded my father from my wedding?
|
From a young age, really as far back as I can remember, my dad has had severe anger issues that he's never sought help for, despite encouragement from our family. He berates my mother and I constantly for our choices, and blows up in anger when we make our own decisions rather than being agreeable to what he thinks we should do. I have tattoos and piercings, and am pursuing a career in cosmetology. I don't expect him to like the way I look at all, but he frequently goes as far as calling me ugly and shameful to the family. He shames my mother for her weight and appearance, although he himself is overweight and is starting to experience related health problems. He's very openly sexist and racist, and in the past I've found Nazi-related memorabilia in our garage.
I constantly walk on eggshells in my house. I've tried to have conversations about how it upsets me that he treats us the way he does. It's a bit of a losing battle - he resorts to yelling and talking over people when faced with confrontation, and feels that because he's a man and, in his words, provides for the family financially, he has the right to dictate my mom's life and mine. (My mother works a full time job, as well as doing all of the cooking and housework. I pay my share of food and bills and am working on moving out.) I do my best to stay civil, but have admittedly gotten upset and screamed back before.
Despite living in the same house with my parents, my father and I don't speak. My mom knows that when I move out, I plan on cutting contact fully with my dad, and she supports this decision. I've accepted that my relationship with my dad will never be what I want it to.
What's been stuck on my mind recently is this - when I get married, I do not want my father at the wedding. The rest of my family will be welcome, butI know that having him there would essentially ruin the day for me and everyone else. He's a heavy drinker, even in public, which only makes his anger worse. I have no interest in having a relationship with him, and frankly don't feel like he deserves to come to my wedding.
What stops me from being confident with my decision is an overwhelming sense of guilt. My dad has made allusions to having depression before, mostly in regards to the way that our family treats him. (My mom and I are not the only ones who have to face his wrath, and he doesn't have a good relationship with anyone in our family.) I do sometimes feel like he says these things to purposefully make me feel guilty - and it works. In the past, I've felt guilty enough to try to salvage a relationship with him - which never lasts, and the cycle repeats.
I'm afraid that not being invited to his only daughter's wedding would push him over the edge. As terrible as it seems, part of me simply doesn't care after all that he's put me through.
WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ilM1aYzQDkkyEJyH6uFht17DqaQcTd5h
|
aolvlf
|
{
"description": "telling my (creepy) friend that I would go to homecoming with him, then changed my mind",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my (creepy) friend that i would go to homecoming with him, then changed my mind
|
Lemme preface this with the fact that I feel really fucking bad about this and just want to know if I am in the wrong
Some Context: I am a female freshman in high school, and I run cross country. I have a couple friends on the team, but I started running with this junior dude. (He's one of my brothers friends so I kind of already knew him before cross country started) For a while, thats all it was. Just two people running together and having normal conversations.
Ok heres the story: One day when my brother couldn't drive me home from cross country practice, junior dude offered to walk with me. Whenever I had to walk, this dude would walk with me. Then he started insisting on buying me slurpees because "he knew I always got them after practice". (At the time, I didn't realize this was weird)
Some days after cross country practice, I would have soccer practice, and I would go with another girl from the team. One soccer practice, my coach told me that we would have a scrimmage (half of the team against the other half, and I would be playing against the girl). So, this girl and I were pretty competitive. We started hyping this stupid scrimmage up, and I guess Johnny didn't realize it was really just a scrimmage. HE ACTUALLY SHOWED UP. THIS BITCH SHOWED UP TO OUR SCRIMMAGE AND HE JUST WATCHED US PRACTICE. (Once again, I didn't realize that this was weird)
That weekend he showed up to my soccer tournament and afterwards he asked me to homecoming in front of the whole team. I said yes, completely taken aback (I barely knew this dude) so I said yes. (I thought we'd just be going as friends, so I thought nothing of it) But I also didn't really want to go to homecoming, so I was dreading going.
Then he dms me on instagram: "I've never had a real gf before." Bro I just about started dying. WHAT THE FUCK. Ok then I spent like 2 hrs drafting a reply to say: "Um we're not dating" But before I can reply, he says "Have you told anyone yet? I've told all the guys from cross country about us." That was the only thing I realized was off. I was upset, because I wasn't aware that any of this was happening and now everyone knew about something that didn't even exist. So yeah that was great
So the next day he told me that we should go buy tickets and I decided that I would tell him then that I didn't want to go, so I did. I told him that dances stressed me out (because I didn't want him to know that I found him creepy) and that I didn't want to go. He didn't just say, "oh ok thats fine" or anything he said "you just need to get over your fear, once you do, then we can buy tickets but if todays not good than another day is fine." I don't think he realized what I meant, so I repeated myself. I told him I didn't want to go to the dance. He replied, "I know, but you will, and when you do, we can buy tickets." I was so confused so I just said ok and left to go to class. We haven't talked since. I feel terrible, but I want to know if, when, and where I did anything morally wrong, because my dad keeps telling me I was so rude to him to say yes and then change my mind, but I think that I have the right to do that. So yeah.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
2QBidiy93CI4wRbtxmiUCT2nrPael2r4
|
b2pkm6
|
{
"description": "locking my neighbor's bike after they effectively blocked mine from getting out",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for locking my neighbor's bike after they effectively blocked mine from getting out?
|
So I was about to leave for work early this morning when I noticed that one of my neighbors had locked their bike such that I couldn't get mine out (like literally, I spent a good 10-15 min trying to get it out). I was in a hurry and frustrated so I went back up to my apartment and wrote a quick note along the lines of: "Hey, please don't do this again or I'll get the supers to cut your lock. But for today, I'll just return the favor and keep your bike in place too. I'll be unlocking it this evening at 7 PM."
I then went back down, taped the note to the seat and locked our bikes together. My commute was a 30 min walk. I got to work late. Finally, I come back home and go to unlock the bikes. My tires are slashed. Like seriously? What do I do now? I live in a large building so I don't even know the owner of this bike. I'm probably going to talk to the superintendent but am also considering leaving my number on the bike so we can talk this out. But who's the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
1gAlopCZfaM6eyBpLUvBWXAPYjBekSjE
|
ax1hgc
|
{
"description": "blaming my mother for not protecting my from my siblings abuse",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for blaming my mother for not protecting my from my siblings abuse?
|
Background:
- 3 mo ago my mother/father (M+D) admitted that my asshole sibling who tormented me for 10yrs was actually abusive (referred to from now as AS).
- M picked up some of D’s bad (read: toxic) habits & became a unit with AS. AS fought M when D was abusive.
- D got help and stopped but AS continued cycle of emotional & mental abuse to me.
- intervention for AS led M+D to my settled on “just don’t speak of you’re gonna be a dick” (this isn’t enough for me and have since gone no contact)
- M+D don’t want to talk about our estrangement or the past decade of abuse. D is more open to admitting his wrongs and calling out AS.
- I’m depressed/spiralling over dismissal of abuse/the sweeping it under the rug.
- Over the weekend I had a lot of self hatred, negative thoughts and trauma pop back up (as a result of prev point). Now to the story.
I got into an argument with my mother. I blamed her for not seeing the abuse and not protecting me. I hold a lot of anger and resentment over it & told her (while screaming & yes I know not helpful) that I can’t trust her and I resent the years of abuse that went unchecked. She’s since slept on a mattress on the floor in the room next to mine (even though there’s a bed another 1 meter away??). Today I caught her talking to someone on the phone and crying about her family.
AITA? Is this resentment I hold for her unwarranted? Should I not have gone off despite the times when I say it calmly it’s ignored?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
YMtTKDUCquy3me2F3CqI0edte7LL55WQ
|
axh96i
|
{
"description": "doing a wellness check for my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for doing a wellness check for my (24f) boyfriend (25m)?
|
My boyfriend is currently in grad school about 300 miles away. He struggles with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) as well as ADD. We were open about our respective struggles with mental illness, and he’d shared the warning signs he was in a bad place. I’d asked what to do if I didn’t know he was okay, especially if he was away at school. He said, “Keep trying to reach me. I’ll come out of it eventually.”
The last time I saw him - mid-February, pre-Valentine’s Day - was great! Despite him being sick, we talked for hours on the phone. When I arrived, he soon fell asleep in my arms. He was affectionate, attentive, was reluctant to let me go (it was a Sunday, and I had work the next morning) because “no, it’s still Saturday, your phone must be wrong, so you don’t have to go” and “I’ll miss you.” He was almost clingy. He said he couldn’t wait until spring break to visit again. After a hug and kiss goodnight, I headed home.
The next day, things felt off when we texted. I asked him if he was distracted and we needed to talk later.
He admitted he was off a mood stabilizer (which I didn’t know he took) and felt distant but that there wasn’t anything to worry about and - even though it might take two weeks or so - he’d be back to his regular self soon.
Things were strained, but we spoke. Some days were better than others. He wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day despite feeling awful. I reminded him I was proud of him communicating when his anxiety was high. He was still very kind and appreciative of me, albeit much quieter.
Then I hadn’t heard from him in almost two weeks. I tried to reach out - sending words of encouragement - but no replies. Calls went to voicemail.
So I hit a breaking point. As a girlfriend, I was fed up. His anxiety was triggering mine. As a friend, I was worried. I needed to be sure he was okay.
I called his school’s campus security to request a wellness check.
That’s when it happened:
“Did you call the school?”
Good, he’s okay!
I tried to call.
“Please don’t call me again. I just came home to security and police and got interrogated.”
...what? I didn’t realize it’d be that intense. I thought it’d just be one security officer knocking on his door, just seeing that he was alive?
I responded: “I didn’t know if you were okay. I’m so sorry this made you uncomfortable.”
He ended it with “Please leave me alone.”
I haven’t replied. I’m giving him space. I’m heartbroken.
AITA for requesting a wellness check? Was I selfish?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
H2PLvvV0M85wYI27Ub0YujSVQzFMnN9N
|
axpwb6
|
{
"description": "drifting away from a friend going through a hard time",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I drifted away from a friend going through a hard time?
|
I [25F] have a friend [29F] who is going through a hard time but not really doing anything to change their circumstances. She has been in a relationship she hasn’t wanted for a couple years now and has gone as far as cheating on him twice. But she won’t break up with him because she considers him her safety net. She also hates her job but is comfortable there so she won’t look for a new one.
​
She is clearly unhappy with her position in life and she takes it out on the people who are closest to her, me and the boyfriend. She constantly pushes me away, doesn’t respond to my texts (or responds with one word answers), makes jokes out of serious questions, and can be very manipulative/cruel when she gets angry. At points in our friendship she has "tested me" by telling me it's okay we reschedule and then getting mad and giving me the silent treatment when I do. She is also extremely jealous of the friendships that I have with other people and will give me the silent treatment when I start doing the same activities with them as I would with her.
​
Lately she has started to make “jokes” about her death. Saying things along the lines of “what are you going to bury me in?” and “it won’t be long now, I’m not going to make it to 30.” These jokes are making me and other friends uncomfortable since she has a history of depression. When I told her that the jokes were stressing me out and I asked her if I needed to be concerned, she tried to make a joke out of it and gave me a vague answer. When I told her that I was looking for a serious answer she got upset and gave me the silent treatment for a week.
​
To sum it all up, I am worried about her and I’ve tried to make that clear on several occasions (not just the one mentioned) but this relationship is starting to be stressful and I’m losing my patience. This is not the first time she has given me the cold shoulder when she is starting to enter a bad place because she is unhappy with her life. Would I be an asshole if I started to drift away knowing that she’s going through a hard time?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Gq2INcaufT9XYLigCPzQRIlME4ETK7LR
|
akcxv9
|
{
"description": "moaning about the roof being faulty? rest of family dont seem to care and making me seem like Im the problem",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for moaning about the roof being faulty? rest of family dont seem to care and making me seem like im the problem.
|
Little bit of back story on the house before we get into it, the house is a typical 1970's built house in Britain, the houses were built to an "okay" standard but corners were definitely cut. Our house is no exception to this; especially when it came to the roof. The people who built it back in the 70's used less rows of tiles than they needed to in order to cut costs. 1/2 of the houses on the estate are like this as they did it half way through building the estate. Ours was one of the last to be built hence it had less tiles than it should have.
We had the roof repaired a couple of month ago due to it being very deteriorated, partly due to age but also down to inherent problems mentioned above. When the roofing works were being done the roofers in there infinite wisdom decided to do it whilst it was raining, obviously this caused damage inside the house. The bathroom ceiling and my parents room ceiling were hit the hardest with the inside roofs being soaked. Luckily mine was completely fine despite water coming down off the light fitting and onto the bed.
Originally the roofers said they would sort any damages through their insurance and my parents though nothing of it. Fast forward the next day and the Forman comes over and says that due to the roof being in such a poor state they wouldn't be paying any of it.
They then showed us pictures of the roof and it was worse than we thought, the plasterboard was black with mould. But inside of the house showed literally no signs of damage what so ever until the roofers let a rain storm inside the house
My parents were obviously not happy about this and I was very, very angry to the point at which I was willing to get trading standards involved but my parents came to an agreement with the forman to knock off a portion of the bill to cover the expenses of the ceilings needing to be replastered. This amount was not enough to cover this but ultimately if we had took this to the insurers they would probably not have paid it.
The roofers carried on and finished the works and I can't fault the rest of the work they did, they did it quickly and safely. We were left with a new roof that should last us another 40+ years. Cool. Due to my parents not having a lot of money I chipped in about half the value of the roof, as I wanted to help plus its my roof too.
Fast forward to the present day and ive woken up in the middle of the night and its the first lot of wind we have had since the roof was done and I hear a banging every 10 seconds(ish). Being as I have lived in this house for 15+ years at this point I know every sound this house can make and didn't recognise this one. I couldn't get back to sleep as this sound was too loud and unfamiliar and I can't go to sleep when there is noise. (once asleep im fine).
So in the morning I go and tell my parents this and tell them I think one of the tiles is loose at the back of the house right above my room. if left unchecked this could loosen other tiles and cause a major roof leak plus its really annoying having a banging noise 2m's above you every 5-10 seconds. it's only a matter of time before this becomes more of a problem.
​
There reaction is what has got me annoyed, first they tell me I'm imagining things then they say "oh its just the wind". The last roof did not do this and had it done so I would have been well aware of it. I ask them are they going to do anything about it and they just shrug their shoulders and say its not really an issue. It is an issue!!!!
I have got quite annoyed with them about this as they making it seem like I'm just doing this to be a problem and that I'm blowing this out of proportion when in fact I'm doing it so that we don't have to spend more time and money fixing a problem that shouldn't be there in the first place. At the moment they don't seem to have any intention of fixing this issue and it really pissing me off.
​
TL:DR I paid for part of the roof to be fixed on my parents house that I live in. There is a problem with some of tiles being loose above my room and its making a noise that is keeping me up at night. They don't want to accept that there is an issue and are acting like I'm being an asshole for not wanting to put up with this.
Am I being too sensitive and making a mountain out of mole hill or is my reaction justified being as it could literally destoy my room and everything in it if they don't get it sortedt?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
jde0kUlElrszr4oI5UwsrRcCY82IImxM
|
aqhedy
|
{
"description": "not wanting to do household chores",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for not wanting to do household chores?
|
First off, I'm a married man in the military(2 yrs). We've been married two years, but have been together for 4. We just celebrated the birth of our son slightly under 2 months ago after moving thousands of miles away from our original home. I don't have a "sterotypical" military job (its office work), but i still have to do military things like mandatory meetings after hours, and working out any designated time between 730 am to 430 pm, mon-fri. (Its a sweet gig, not complaining)
​
I'm also studying for the next rank which involves a test of my job and a test of my branch's military history. I usually work and come home for lunch and study for an hr or so when i get off work. My wife never makes my breakfast or lunch and very seldom makes my dinner.
​
We only have 1 income, I don't make a lot but i try to have food in the fridge that can be cooked. A lot of times my wife will casually ask, "can I put the dishes away" or "take dog out" or "change diaper". When it comes to our child, I'm not really complaining about doing anything. But my baby is a baby that sleeps a lot. Yes, baby wakes up through night and has to be fed, and my wife takes care of that, but baby still sleeps afterwards and throughout the day.
​
Am i wrong for not wanting to do chores? I do trash and shovel snow. But for the inside of the house. I can get she is sleep deprived, tired, and did have a whole human come out of her. But I really feel like if I'm working at a job and trying to study for this test, I almost shouldn't have to do anything. I don't like making my own breakfast, lunch or dinner. But i will since I did that as a bachelor. I'm not trying to be misogynistic, but I kind of want a more traditional role.
​
I have brought this up with her, we have gone to counseling, although it has been a month since last session. but for the casual requests, part of me is just like "it's just loading the dishwasher, not a big deal". I ultimately feel, Im paying all the bills, and giving her an allowance for her to raise our kid, sometimes clean, and binge watch streaming services while I also help around the house and "fend" for myself.
​
What do you all think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
tEKl2sfzkuIJrGBSAz2VCU6Oxi8HtqeB
|
ak1roe
|
{
"description": "giving my professional opinion on a question asked in a subreddit for grocery store workers/customers",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for giving my professional opinion on a question asked in a subreddit for grocery store workers/customers
|
This one should be cut and dry because you have the entire interaction word for word below from the subreddit in question. I know it's unusual to ask AITA about a post on another subreddit here, but that subreddit does not have a lot of subscribers and i wanted to know if my downvotes/his upvotes would hold up in a larger audience.
Some background info: The subreddit is about "where delicious whole and raw foods are discussed," but often gets used by a popular grocery chain. This chain was purchased by Amazon in a historic move that was considered fairly controversial (or at least disruptive to status quo) but customers, team members (store staff), and vendors/brands. As a result someone asked, "How has working at Whole Foods changed now that Amazon owns it?"
**Top comment was**:
"it hasn't, except for the never ending fucking comments from customers about how much everything has changed."
**I replied**:
"Worked for a brand carried by WFM and I can say for a fact that this comment is incorrect. There have definitely been changes from a vendor side (massive changes that have changed brand ability to interact with customers) and at the store level (changes that impact how team members treat customers, mostly because of how job performance is evaluated). Did you forget about "order to shelf" and the bare shelves that came with it? Did you forget about dropping Pruvi as a demo scheduling system and instituting Daymon Interactions? Did you forget about the dozens of articles detailing how team members felt like robots constantly checking boxes to satisfy objectives unrelated (and in some cases counter-productive) to good customer service? Which region/store are you thinking of specifically?
At a surface level things haven't changed terribly, but at its core WFM is not the same and to a close observer the changes are clear."
**His/her reply:**
"jeez, get off your high horse. you don't even fucking work there."
**My reply, which was not responded to:**
"No actual responses to customer/vendor complaints? Just admonishment? Not great, man.
For the record, I love the store and most team members. I think changes have made things incredibly difficult for some people (team members, vendors, brands, and customers alike) and that shouldn't be ignored. If nothing has changed in your store, that's awesome, but my response was not intended to be a "high horse" response as much as it was supposed to inform people who were genuinely curious about the changes made.
Grocery vendors were also hit with a 3% surcharge per order and Whole Body brands were hit with a 5% surcharge per order. These additional costs make it hard for smaller, local brands to support themselves on WFM shelves. Companies that depended on their success based on growing in WFM have died. That stuff directly impacts what customers get to buy.
So while I don't work there, I do know what has gone on and since the OP asked what the differences are, I answered his/her question.
Not trying to start a beef, but don't you see how some of these changes have serious impact?"
SO... Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
fURHr01A9YEKEvl4HvnbQ8aQhHMGjU18
|
a3wxl5
|
{
"description": "really just needing to know",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA I really just need to know.
|
So I really need to know if I’m the asshole here. And it’s actually a hard thing for me to determine cause it’s with my parents, and they aren’t exactly the nicest people. I would classify my mother as a narcissist, but they fuck with my head too much for me to know exactly if I’m the shit kid they say I am or if they are actually shit people. (If it matters, I’m almost 30).
So. Without much background my sister moved back with my parents after leaving a less than desirable relationship. My mom seems to have a habit of opening peoples mail. She does it with her and and my younger brother. (I was kicked out by 18 so I’ve never dealt with this.) My sister doesn’t want it to happen, but won’t say anything cause she is constantly walking on eggshells at home. I didn’t really know the extent of it all. Anyways, I was angry for my sister and called my mom out on it. Simply said. “Stop opening her mail, she deserves her privacy”. She message me later that night saying “I knew who it was from, and told her immediately. But I get the message.” I was alseep.
The next day my sister starts freaking out on me asking what I said, she knew I sent the first message, and why would I say anything. Apparently my mom attacked her for what I said and was refusing to help babysit (something they offered to do if she moved in with them to save money) in the new year because of what I said. My sister obviously threw me under a bus and claimed she had no idea and that I was angry on behalf of her. My sister then told me she’s never telling me shit again and that I’m never to say anything to her about what we say. Fair.
So I talk to my mom, never mentioning what my sister said. And apparently she’s appalled at my first message, asked if I wished to change my stance. I replied no and that my stance is the same, she shouldn’t open peoples mail without their permission, etc. she never once said she was sorry, and just played a victim. She said “I don’t deserve these comments” (I literally told her that she shouldnt open peoples mail without their permission.) I then said “you did something wrong, but don’t deserve comments saying you were wrong?” And she told me she was going to work and that was the end. So I said ok.
5 minutes later I get a message from my step dad telling me how I butt my nose into business that’s not mine, my sister doesn’t care about the opening of the mail it was something else she was angry about, my main goal in life is to trash my mother (it’s my mo didn’t you know), he took a moment when I thought we connected in my moms shitty behavior and threw it in my face saying “your mom never did that” oh and “if you pass this on to your mother see how you and I get along I think the future”.
I immediately told him to never contact me again. And blocked them all through social media and texting. My sister hasn’t said anything to me since early this afternoon, and that weird. My younger brother is talking to me but he’s away at college so I don’t think they’d say anything to him.
Did I fuck up? Is this on me? Should I apologize? I don’t want to. But I feel like maybe I am the shitty person they say I am. Iunno? Please tell me. I’m so mentally exhausted.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
rBjxVCimOD1UedI5sUdjdwZXasLmk7B6
|
aw7x46
|
{
"description": "kicking my roommates out",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for kicking my roommates out?
|
To start off I go to college and have two roommates that live with me. We are all friends and have been for 2 years now. My dad owns the house but I’m the landlord so I take care of most of the work around the house because it’s my house and I’m just more invested and like things to be clean.
We have lived together for about 8 months and we have only gotten in about 10 arguments. All of these arguments have been about the cleanliness of the house. They leave dirty dishes in the sink, garbage on the counter, don’t take out the trash, don’t empty/start the dishwasher, and whenever there is a mess of dishes out or in the sink they blame the other person and I end up cleaning it because it pisses me off. Most of the time I have caused none of the mess. They have also done none of the cleaning of the floor while I have swept/swifferred/vacuumed about 8 times this year and they only help a little when I bitch at them.
So about a week ago I came home from class and the kitchen was a mess. Dishes all over the kitchen and in the sink and none were mine. I texted them both and said I was tired of mothering them and I’m not cleaning up the kitchen. They both claimed that none of the mess was theres and they wouldn’t do it. That pissed me off and I called them out by saying “so you’re just gonna assume I will do it? And what about the floors? They haven’t been cleaned in a while and there are rocks and dirt all over the floor. Were you just gonna wait until I caved and did it for the 10th time?” There response was that because I had friends over for one night about a week before, I should have to do it all. And to clarify they are friends with my friends also and we’re hanging out with us all. I told them they were full of shit and until they cleaned the whole house, I was going to start living like them.
I no longer take out the trash, I don’t sweep the floors, I don’t throw away garbage, I don’t start it empty the dishwasher, and every single plate, pot, pan or utensil I used would be left out until they cleaned the house. I then told them if They didn’t want to help then they could find a new place to live. They said they weren’t going to clean and I told them to start looking for a new place because there lease is up in 2 months.
Housing where we live is terrible and they will most likely have to move into a small apartment where the rent is more expensive. I don’t feel bad at all because I’m my opinion it shouldn’t be this big of a deal to clean the house that you live in.
They think I’m an asshole for blowing up out of nowhere but these arguments have been on and off all year with no changes on their part.
So, WIBTA if I stayed true and told them to get the fuck out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
0MbWncAWIqmL4cCouaq2PeR9UnjVgniq
|
amgsje
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend she should get her dog euthanized",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend she should get her dog euthanized?
|
Tl;dr at the bottom.
My girlfriend moved in with me about a year ago. We've been together now for over 5 years. I plan to ask her to marry me in March, we have a wonderful relationship and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
The only major fights we've had have been about her sister who is narcissistic, controlling and a leech.
My girlfriend has a small, cute pomeranian who she left with her mother and sister when she moved in with me. They agreed to take care of the dog. The little dog is like a child to her. She stops by their house almost daily to feed him and spend time with him.
But her pet is getting on in years (almost 14) and he's been getting sick quite often lately. The little dog got sick again this morning and my girlfriend and her mom and sister got into a huge fight over it and they accused her of not taking care of her pet. Her mom also made her feel guilty about having to pay for the dog's medical bills, even though she's paid her back every cent. My girlfriend is currently studying full time while working 3 part time jobs to pay for her studies and expenses. Since she's moved in with me I pay for everything except her medical aid and car. I'm a teacher so I'm not extremely rich either.
The dog got terribly sick again today and he was struggling to breath. My girlfriend and I rushed him to the Veterinary hospital and they placed him in an incubator of sorts to help him breath. He has to stay over-night as he has severe swelling in his throat so the vet couldn't diagnose him yet.
In total she's spent over $5000 over the last year on veterinary bills (about $600 today) . Today after we got home I told her that we can't afford to keep paying his bills and that she will have to make a decision on euthanizing him if he gets sick again.
Tl;dr - my girlfriend's dog is old and sick and I suggested she should euthanize him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
IDY5EyV5djxq6zERDizgOxagzWg3PT3f
|
aztxoh
|
{
"description": "not being okay with my girlfriend staying cool with her guy \"friend\" who tried to bang her",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not being okay with my girlfriend staying cool with her guy "friend" who tried to bang her?
|
So one of my girlfriend's long time guy "friends" hit her up asking her to come over and hook up. He knows we're together, and he also has a girlfriend. She said no of course, but still. This bothers the shit out of me and I told her I'm not cool with it and I don't want her to keep hanging around him. She then explained they'd been friends for around ten years and they'd been fuck buddies at certain points throughout that timeframe. What really bothers me and hurts like hell is that when I mentioned I wouldn't really wanna stay with her if she continues being cool with him, she was fine with it. She basically said she absolutely refuses to stop being cool with him even though she knows I'm not comfortable with it at all. She made every excuse in the book. "oh I said no and I don't think he'll try again," "oh we've been friends for years," "oh he didn't know we were serious," "oh he was just drunk." But I don't care, he blatantly disrespected me, her and our relationship and I don't want her having anything to do with him since he sees her that way and clearly doesn't care. She kept making exxuses and I kept explaining to her that he's not even a good friend if he'd try something like that. She wouldn't have it and basically said she wouldn't drop him even if it meant losing me. She's basically choosing some toxic piece of trash guy "friend" who tries to fuck her while she's with me and he has a girlfriend. It's not just me, this is TOTALLY fucked, right??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
Axf2mnHDbw6v5qNyR7bCqtJsYwdkaTHA
|
9tahgx
|
{
"description": "looking at furry porn while there are people home",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for looking at furry porn while there are people home? (14,m)
|
So when this happened i was looking at furry porn, but then my brother(10, knows full well what porn and furries are) came home, i stopped to let him in and greet him and then got back to doing the deed, however after a minute or so he blitzed in my room and i zipped my pants and clicked on a different tab as soon as possible.
Alas, it was too late, he may have not seen my penis, but he has witnessed the yiff, he was then like "youre watching porn i saw you!" and i, startled, raised my voice "well yeah!" "you watch porn?" "yes"
He went back to his room and played some games while calling his friend (he normally blitzes out just as he goes in, not to mention he *almost* closed the door) after which i quickly finished and apologized for yelling at him, he did not respond.
some clarification: i regularly watch porn while my family is at home, he has shown distaste towards furries before, i closed the door everytime
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Yb8wum87NPELmRRgQgCLpqIfLEbzDUli
|
a5t18b
|
{
"description": "wanting to split living expenses with my wife, just because I make more money",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to split living expenses with my wife, just because I make more money?
|
Hi! I want to know if I'm just being crazy about this or what (throwaway account tho). On mobile so I apologise for any formatting mistake. (Kinda TL;dr at the end)
Background: Me (M24) and my wife (F25) have been married for almost a year, and in the last year we had to move out of our home country (not by choice, more of a necessity) and start a living in a country where you HAVE to work for someone (not freelance) in order to be able to stay legally.
When we first arrive, I started working (she kinda the same) and most of our shared income was being saved for moving out from where we were staying. We manage to move out, both got better paying jobs but we were still using our shared income to buy basic things (a bed, cooking utensils, etc). Fast forward a few months and we are settled.
The income: (in USD but with are not in the US) hers: about 660$, mine: about 810$
The discussion: about 3 months ago we finally started having savings (woohoo) and I told her that we should start saving some money, she agreed BUT she started to spend more money on trivial things (more clothes, street food, etc). I asked her to stop spending in those things and she went berserker about how she works ALL week, more than me (it is true, my job is calm, hers not), and that is HER money, and I can't do anything about it.
I got upset and asked her why did she think it as her money, and not ours, and that if she wanted to have "her" money and me not complaining, she should have to pay for half of our living expenses (I was paying pretty much everything related to living at that point). She went bananas, telling me awful things (which she admitted, but did not apologise) and finally agreeing on... Do nothing. (I'm weak, I know)
But SOMETHING did change, and this month she started paying some things (not half but it does help), but her buying obsession is the same (every month she HAS to buy clothes, and eat outside at least 3 times a month).
THE PROBLEM: (TL;DR) I found a better job which I'll be starting next week, and in that job my salary will be around 1325$, and now she is saying that I have to pay everything because I make a lot more (paying everything I still have more than her), and I casually mentioned again about splitting expenses and she got all defensive (I just want to have some savings ;_;)
AITA for wanting to EQUALLY split our expenses?
P.d: if I have any grammar errors please correct me, English is not my first language
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
2a11dyBKmVuCnHFwwc0tg9k6OlkpjzWH
|
a6qa9r
|
{
"description": "hiding away whenever my extended family visits",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For hiding away whenever my extended family visits?
|
I have anxiety, as in my name, and my extended family has always kinda made fun of me, not in a harmful way, just as in I'm sometimes the butt of their jokes and I get pranks pulled on me as well as that, when I'm around them I get some reminders of the worse of the pranks. Even when they pose no threat of pranking me, I just get really nervous so when they visit my parents I hole up in my room. My mom doesn't seem to like this because my younger cousin thinks of me as her favorite cousin and it breaks my heart, but I can't be around them. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
RyF6nX4Js0ZKlgAmju6w8bspmIwdcgEL
|
9wu7ih
|
{
"description": "not wanting help my alcoholic dad",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting help my alcoholic dad?
|
Today my estranged father called me for the first time in 6 years becauae surprise surprise, he got a DUI. He lost his license and can no longer work becauae he drives for a living.
During the call he asked me if I would be interested in driving him around 5 days a week for some fraction of his salary.
I definitely do not want to start waking up early and driving my father around from sunup to sundown every day for 6 months, but I also dont want him to lose his job. (Its the same job hes had since I was young and yaknow, fuck change).
I also think it would just be too weird to start spending 8 hours a day with him after not talking for 6+ years. But again I hate the thought of him losing his job because of me. (Or at least in part)
I mean im 19 with no job but it just seems not right. I could head down the local fast food joint or super market and make more money and work better hours, but that wouldnt save my fathers job. Am I the asshole for wanting to say no?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
nBk46tGuT1MZa6tCGdA31FJBbakb3fu4
|
b9xo1m
|
{
"description": "calling my sister's ex (who used her as a beard) an asshole",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling my sister's ex (who used her as a beard) an asshole?
|
So, until yesterday afternoon, my sister Dani was dating this guy, let's call Carter. Then, on snapchat, Carter came out as gay- he basically posted a video on his story where he came out. Dani, since she had no idea that he was essentially using her as a beard, broke up with him.
Carter and I play baseball together, so about an hour ago, at practice, I mentioned it was kind of a dick move of him to string my sister along when he was gay. He didn't deny that was why he was dating her, but be got offended and said that I had no idea how it is to be gay and in the closet, and that I'm essentially shaming him for coming out. He does have a point with the first one, but no, I'm not shaming him for coming out. He came out, great. But I think it was a dick move to basically string Dani along.
Aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Ih5NtZy6cZMbLpjGhwdVz3PnRRlMJV0L
|
apny2v
|
{
"description": "getting upset with my fiance for getting drunk and making out with her friend in front of all her coworkers at a going away party for her boss",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my fiance for getting drunk and making out with her friend in front of all her coworkers at a going away party for her boss?
|
We were at a bar last night for her bosses farewell party and she had quite a bit to drink. This is pretty out of character for her and I feel like we are a bit old for this type of behaviour. We are nearly 30 and getting married in October and the more I think about it the more I get upset over the situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xLgkzPxHx6VuehfjHd6cjeCpoMRacMlR
|
9ufdgw
|
{
"description": "getting upset when I found out my boyfriend will send pictures to his ex-wife sometimes",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset when I found out my boyfriend will send pictures to his ex-wife sometimes?
|
Ok so long story short, we've been together almost 2 years now and it's been lovely. He's sweet and caring and just always there for me, I adore him. When we got together, he was recently divorced, but his ex and him had been separated for years, the papers just hadn't been signed until more recently due to custody issues. I knew this and was ok with it, my parents did something similar and it all worked out fine. So, his ex and I became friends on facebook because of pictures of their son and I felt like it was a gesture of goodwill. I haven't had too many problems with her, but recently I noticed that the pictures she'll post sometimes are pictures that my boyfriend will take of sights we've seen recently, and stuff that he's also shared with me in one of our mutual photo albums. None of these adventures and trips involve their son. It's really bothering me, and I haven't talked about it with him yet, because I don't want to overreact. I just feel upset about it and I want it to stop, but I don't want to blow up on him or be upset with him over nothing. So reddit help.. Am I the asshole for being mad about this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zDKyi2FYXQ5leQiLIbwL9APu8xuqeYAi
|
a4gh4d
|
{
"description": "telling my friend his abused ex is spiralling downwards on her own accord",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend his abused ex is spiralling downwards on her own accord?
|
Basically my friends ex girlfriend started dating a guy who was wildly abusive online and sent threatening messages, along with sharing her (underaged) nudes, threatening her family, releasing private information to get her in trouble. She refuses to go to the police with evidence of this because she's afraid of phone calls because of anxiety, so I told my friend that if she would choose emotional abuse over an anxiety attack, then if the abuse carries on it is on her head.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Zgqh6eyLYidSl7S2mqUgtr6SWzZzEM8z
|
atc9p2
|
{
"description": "retaliatory singing in the dorm bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for retaliatory singing in the dorm bathroom?
|
2nd semester freshman in college. About 1/3 times I go to the bathroom, someone is blasting music so loud, it can be heard end to end. In the first semester, I quietly and begrudgingly accept this, but I got fed up this semester. I like to be able to hear my thoughts in the bathroom so I decided that any time I heard someone playing loud music in the bathroom, and I was going to be in there longer than 5 minutes(like during a shit or a shower), I would sing sea shanties in order to make any other music unenjoyable. I stop right when they stop. I figure if they are allowed to play music that loudly I can sing just as loudly. I don't just confront them for a few reasons:
1: it's multiple people
2: I would rather not let them know it was me(the echo plus my singing voice makes it so that it's hard to tell it's my voice)
3: they are in the bathroom and I can't really tell them to stop when they are in the stall
So far my go to songs for this are
Barrett's privateers
Eliza Lee
Roll the old chariot
Randy dandy o
South Australia
Rolling down to old Maui
Boney
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
rCw3IEjUsQTT9JfSFGxAZAKqQHgMkZV2
|
afth56
|
{
"description": "not liking my husbands friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not liking my husbands friends?
|
Over the years I just like them less and less. They treat him like shit. They ask him for favors but are never there when he needs help. The make fun of him constantly. They've insulted me. They use him whenever they can. The last straw for me was they used his moms tax service and refused to pay her. They're just shifty people but he says he's OK with it so I should be too.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
WhGEUiC66Jv6K2JFlMoUbdVQssn9ZqCc
|
aiq2zo
|
{
"description": "not giving my friend the money back",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving my friend the money back?
|
Written on mobile so sorry for any formatting errors.
Okay so here at University me and my mate are in the habit of going to the gym every morning at 6:30am before our 9:00am lectures. Last night he decided to go on a night out but still wanted to make sure he went to the gym this morning. So in the evening before he went he came and gave me £20 and stated that if he did not meet me in the morning to go to the gym I can keep the money- being a broke student I happily agreed.
Fast forward to this morning and he never met me and I could see his light was off through his window. I messaged him and got no reply so continued to go to the gym alone. Once i got back to our accommodation he was up and explained that he set his alarm but somehow slept through it and never consciously chose not to go to the gym.
I felt bad after hearing this but said I would stick to the deal and keep the money so he makes sure he comes next time. After this I decided to buy him a drink and he thanked me. However some of my other friends are saying that me keeping the money is not me being a good friend by sticking to the deal and that I should pay him back all of it (£20 may not sound like a lot but as I said, for me as a student it is nearly a weeks worth of money).
AITA for not giving him the money back?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zEE1mYbYlaOyob6Sd4gnBNJLt3HjiUeh
|
b2qp9t
|
{
"description": "never being charged for 1200 usd graphics card I purchased online, have it be delivered to my house and never say anything to the conpany I bought it from",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for never being charged for 1200 USD graphics card I purchased online, have it be delivered to my house and never say anything to the conpany I bought it from?
|
I bought a new graphics card that costs a total of 1200 dollars USD. It showed up two days ago and the once pending transaction was dropped from my account when it was shipped and all of the money was still there. I called my bank to see if it was a mistake on their end what was going on and they told me that it's the vendors responsibility to make sure the charge had gone through and told me to contact the vendor. Am I an asshole if I never contact the vendor to pay them for the product that was delivered to my house?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 2
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
Vl0rVRSoQF2BvhfaS3EiOhMX2yZtPhF6
|
b4lobh
|
{
"description": "ending a relationship and threatening to call the police last night",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for (1) ending a relationship and (2) threatening to call the police last night?
|
Firstly, I apologize if this long-ass post. I've come to you for advice once and I appreciated the honest responses. If I really am an asshole, please tell me so I can do better the next time.
So I've been dating an older woman for the past 3 weeks and I felt it wasn't working out. For context, I'm 29 years old and she's 41. We're both Chinese living in San Francisco. She doesn't speak a single word of English despite living here for the past 3 years. She mentioned she hasn't made any friends or had a boyfriend because nobody is similar to her.
In the first week of dating, I mentioned I am moving to New York in September for a career opportunity (been planning this for quite some time). She told me she would "not date anybody else, and that she'd wait for me in San Francisco forever." This part really creeped me out and I told her I did not agree to it. The next two weeks, she continuously complained and kept bringing up that she would wait for me. I felt increasingly creeped out, but I did not feel malicious intentions.
If I don't reply her text within minutes, she would blow up at me with a long, angry text for not responding (happened twice). I already told her the first time that it made me feel uncomfortable. Another problem is that she'd never tell me how she really felt, even though I already mentioned that talking about our feelings is important in solving relationship problems.
I told her I made a few friends in the city since moving to the US 7 months ago. I mentioned we'd smoke together (legal in CA), she'd tell me to stop being their friends because weed is an addicting drug that will destroy my brain and my life (a very common misconception among older Chinese folks, including my parents).
On 2 separate dates, she kept paying for dinner which was, to be honest, nice of her. But whenever we go shopping, she would "sneak pay" my clothes at the cashier by saying she wants to "test her credit card". This is normal in Chinese dating culture as it is typical for the guy to pay for everything (meal and gifts). But I grew up in Hong Kong in an international school, so my views are a more "westernized" and I usually go dutch with my dates.
For the past 3 weeks, I felt overwhelmed when I'm with her.
**1st question: Are my feelings justified, or am I overreacting**
I broke up with her after work around 6 pm. I explained to her in detail why I felt it wasn't working: moving to NY, cultural difference and language barrier.
At 10 pm she texted me saying she wants to come over and return my shirt she borrowed a few days ago. I told her to give it back to me on Monday. She texted back saying she's walking over to my apartment now. In that moment I felt extremely threatened. I then texted back saying if she comes over, I will call the police. She replied saying "I can't believe you'd say that, I'll never come over." I then blocked her number.
**2nd question: Am I the asshole for threatening to call the police?**
Thank you.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
X8CiRYM92JeiQeBOQlYif6TSB3Yo7M2D
|
9xolpn
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang with my \"best\" friend anymore",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang with my "best" friend anymore?
|
First things first, I'm a bi, overweight, virgin. Just some context, as it matters later in the story. I know what my username is, but that's not the point.
I've kept this hidden from most people, except a few gay kids from school I trust won't spread anything(ha). I especially didn't tell my "best" friend b/c he's homophobic. I never could tell him something personal b/c eventually it'd always come back to me.
Anyways, my "best" friend from high school (call him Ed) started dating a mutual friend (Shortie) that her "best" friend (Pattie) had a huge crush on Ed (Shortie knew the whole time as well). It was sparked by alcohol and me telling Ed to get in the backseat with Shortie. Soon after, I had to leave and Pattie took over as designated driver. (This is where I have a problem)
Basically, while Pattie was driving Ed and Shortie around, as most drunk people enjoy, Shortie bent down and started making out with Ed in the backseat. They got caught when Pattie asked "why so quiet back there?" and their lips smacked from seperation and surprise.
For Pattie, this basically broke her. She had a crush on Ed for the longest time, and even tho it probably wouldn't happen, I still feel for her.
It got even worse as whenever we would hangout, you would turn your head, and they'd start making out. full on. Pattie couldn't take it and left within the week. I stuck around a lil longer, couple months, but he'd usually ask me to leave a couple hours early so they could go fool around before his and her curfew(the few times that we did hang).
Honestly, I didn't mind leaving early, what hurt me is I told them "I don't go outside, so if y'all hangout, lmk and i'll be there." and they, my "friends" responded "oh, yeah for sure, we'll let you know"...well they didn't. I even showed up a couple of times unannounced b/c I knew they were there. Just always felt like I didn't belong anymore. Like i was a black sheep. I even brought up a girl from college I was eyeing, but they just moved onto a different subject.
I really could care-less about them dating, it's just the starter method and than Ed telling me about them having sex and drinking daily without listening to me or taking my help or advice.
For example(we're getting to it, relax, it's a long story), around 1:30-2am i tried helping them move vehicles safely to each other's houses as Ed was hammered, laying on his truck door. I left and came back 3 times, each more aggressive and annoyed as neither would listen. On the third time, Ed was so annoyed with me, he rolled up his window on my fingers, crushing them for a good 15-25 seconds before Shortie shook Ed, getting him to reverse the window. That, was one of my last draws.
The final one was on 4/20, when the night before, Ed (&Shortie) picked up some cannabis for me and could've dropped it off before work, or anytime in-between but he waited to deliver it until I was leaving town for a party, with friends I was riding with. I just said to him, "you just keep what you have, and ill get more today" which sparked him yelling at me over text and on the phone because he was gonna take a break after 4/20 and didn't want the cannabis. It worked out, as we met with him 5min later at a fast food restaurant, acting calm and said "I wanna smoke later." Idk what it was, but in that moment picking up the weed from him and at the party, all i could think was "I'm done with this shit."
He came over to smoke the next day, but I was in a mood. the sesh just felt off and cold. I even asked about Shortie but got a "shes good".
(still with me? great.)
I was never a caller - if you need something text first and call if it's an emergency - he knew that, told him many times. But he kept calling me. for like 2 weeks+ he called me multiple times a day, each time I never picked up. Even texted asking "do you not know how-to pick up a phone?" "No idea", i responded like an ass. But I was over him. He could keep all his secrets in me, but could never keep mine.
Eventually, he did text asking what's wrong, to which I laid out my reasons, drinking, pregnancy scares, general dickishness towards me. He also doesn't like many of the people in "our" friend group - only 2/7, for reasons that IMO were stupid. We also chatted on the phone, I told him that we can still be friends(made me feel like a girl) and be friendly. I just didn't wanna hang for a little while...
...and well, that "lil while" has turned into almost 7 awkward months.
In that time, I've found a new set of friends that align more with me - they're still dating, even got matching tattoos that they claim aren't matching(I could go on about those as well, I called them out on it). Ed and I haven't talked, but Shortie has messaged me and vise versa(because the tats)but nothing is solved.
Frankly, I'm jealous/envious of their relationship & having sex with someone you actually care about on the daily. I felt like it was being rubbed in my face. I just needed an excuse to leave for awhile...It's made it really awkward for everyone b/c he still picks up weed from the same person I do - only difference is he doesn't pick up for me, when I've done the same for him. He's also in the same snapchat group and hasn't said anything to the group since.
TL;DR: My "best" friend from HS started dating a girl, who's "best" friend had dibs on Him; I eventually got sick and tired of feeling left out and neglected, I stopped answering His phone calls until I felt it was mean/time and layed out my reasons for why I wasn't answering. Things are awkward b/c we're still in the same group message and buy weed from the same person. It's been 7 months - I feel like they deserve to know my personal reasons - but also not.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
lKysLD0KL0ERiMlkOdK9bYOtkwR7xBJz
|
acw0c6
| null |
AITA My girlfriend was offered a job in a place far away
|
We would have to fly to get there. To be fair, it is a place we both would like to relocate to. I have an old dog with failing health. She would like to leave the dog with family and I would likely never see her again. I feel like I can’t go. I can’t leave this dog. She has given so much to me over the past fifteen years, I feel like I can’t abandon her when she needs me most.
AITA for not wanting to go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 2
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
Bi47Tvqgj686IWoZ3rgT24zJuyKKwnLr
|
ahy02f
|
{
"description": "smoking cigarettes on my balcony",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA For smoking cigarettes on my balcony?
|
>I live on the 4th floor in an apartment. I have a small balcony with a nice view, that i use as my smoking spot. After living here for a year, my neighbour asked if i would stop smoking there, because if their balcony door was open, they would get cigaret smell inside their apartment.
>
> I wondered why it had taken them a year to tell me this, but agreed that i would not smoke if their door was open. it being just a rutine and me not thinking about it i have of couce missed this a few times. I really dont do it to bother them. they either come out on their balcony or knock on my door and tell me how rude i am for not respecting them. and now when i see them its always awkward. I colud of couce just go down on the street to smoke but i also feel like i have the right to do it on my own balcony.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
RIGHT
|
E8ZP5Ca9bbZRhuJ68QAocBwMdfM8DEfZ
|
b4sc8n
|
{
"description": "wanting my BIL's GF not to wear white to our wedding",
"pronormative_score": 50,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting my BIL's GF not to wear white to our wedding?
|
So a bit of backstory to this;
Me and SO are getting married later this year and we're having a very small wedding overseas and we're trying to fund our families coming. SO's brother has a girlfriend of one yearish (BGF) but we've never met her due to the fact that we are currently living abroad. We can't really hold that against her but SO's brother decided that he wouldn't go to our wedding if she couldn't go. SO's parents absolutely adore BGF so we reached an agreement with them that we'd pay for B bit not for BGF and the two of them could save together for their flights and they'd have a room in a place that we would pay for.
SO wasn't massively happy with the arrangement, she doesn't like the idea of having someone who is a stranger to her at our wedding and in our pictures, especially if she may not be in the picture for a significant amount of time in the future. Que sera though, provided B isn't going to have a hissy fit and not come them we're willing to make concessions to try and make all parties satisfied if not exactly happy.
Fast Forward to today;
B sends a message to SO asking BGF can wear a white dress to the wedding as it's the only one she can find.
We're a bit upset by this; firstly she's there because we want all of SO's family there but he has the lack of tact or common sense to turn round and ask us for her to wear white to our wedding. We've politely said we'd prefer that she didn't but after him flipping out and saying he won't come if she can't we don't know if we've made a mistake
So, reddit, AWTA?
TLDR; Unwelcome girlfriend of SO's brother wants to wear white to our wedding.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 50,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 50,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
U50Am5j55SE6SBEpEIYZ43ciVsbNW1aQ
|
abrg6i
|
{
"description": "calling out a guy at work for making fun of women's hot flashes",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for calling out a guy at work for making fun of women's hot flashes?
|
I try not to be overly sensitive. I'm generally not.
Several employees (men and women) were working hard doing inventory. It was hot in there. We were all sweating. One of the girls goes up to one of the supervisors and requests the air be turned on.
He responded with, "hot flashes?" and turned to the other male employees nearby and laughed. Then he walked away to turn on the air.
Before he walked away, I said to him loudly (so all could hear), "Hot Flashes? Isn't that just what all the ladies love to hear?"
(quick tact on demand is hard for me)
The responses I got were mixed. Some people think I was crossing a line by retorting. Also that I'm too sensitive. I should let it roll off my back. I should just let it go.
Others were happy because they don't like a simple request regarding their comfort to be met with sexism and ageism.
One person said they felt it was a sign of male dominance. The reason had to be a gender based hormonal change, not an actual valid reason for the request.
I don't know why hot flashes are funny to those men. I don't get it at all. But I felt like saying nothing felt wrong, too.
The guy who said it likely meant no harm. He's just immature and unthinking. I'm not calling HR on him or anything.
I'd love to know if you think I should have handled it better, or if I should have kept quiet.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
05ddETSfAj4jai9asLyGxmZzsjDaoJPL
|
azsv8i
|
{
"description": "cutting ties with a friend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting ties with a friend?
|
AITA? I (22F) recently cut ties with a friend (20F). We’d been friends for 3 years with MANY ups and downs. I’ve been struggling with infertility and just recently came off my fertility medications. She’s pregnant by her boyfriend of only 8ish weeks. She proceeded to rub it in my face bragging then had the nerve to say she doesn’t know if she wants to keep it or not. She knew what I was going through and proceeded to act that way regardless. After showing I was upset, she then started bragging about her new job and how great everything was going. I’m currently not working so I can focus on school. It just seems she’s trying to rub everything she has that I don’t in my face. So. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
cAwN5OPs3xDrGRPZjFn2aIzahBJLPjBB
|
9xazdo
|
{
"description": "accidentally cutting infront of others buying train tickets",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accidentally cutting infront of others buying train tickets
|
Backstory: on the phone with social services (UK) discussing the welfare if my younger brother who has no contact with myself or any of his other siblings or family. Discussing family mediation arrangements.
I was running late for university so had to have the phone call on the way to train station and had to jump on the train and buy a ticket on there from conductor.
I saw he was free and walked up to him not realising there was two men just standing there waiting (i assumed they were just standing up as people do this a lot on the train).
As i speak to the conductor one of the men mutters "oh sure you go ahead dickhead" to which i say "I'm sorry was in my own world didn't realise you were waiting for tickets". I'd only just got off the phone with social services and saw the ticket conductor free.
"You buy yours first then" i said gesturing to the man who had called me a dickhead. "Nah you first your life is more important clearly" i just sighed and brought my ticket. When i was done i turned to the man who had spoke to me and said "no need to be rude I generally didnt see you wanted tickets as you weren't talking to the conductor" and walked off.
As i walked off he turned to the other man and said "i fucking hate rude people like that" i apologised to the other man who was waiting and didn't say anything to me and sat down.
I just think it would of been rude if I purposefully pushed in front. But there was no queue just two men standing there saying nothing so I asked the conductor. Also I had a lot going on in the phone call before.
Am i the arsehole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZdioUxMAEoXIOyBcFAvzRFOBPITOOtB2
|
ax28vq
|
{
"description": "leaving work early due to sickness",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA leaving work early due to sickness?
|
I'm a teacher and have had the last 3 days of work off with a nasty head cold and fever, I had lost my voice. I had a medical certificate for each of the 3 days and had sent work in for my students. I was still unwell today but decided to come in to work. When I arrived I went to speak with my co-teacher about what we were doing that day. She kept saying that I sounded terrible and that I should go home. I relented but finally agreed and went to talk to the principal.
Shortly before school I found the principal leaving a meeting and she said that I was going to be having a busy day. There was an excursion happening so less staff were present at the school.
I apologised and said that I needed to go home as I was still unwell. She asked if I had a medical certificate and I said that I'd be going in to get one. I apologised again and said that my co-teacher was worried that I'd make our students sick. The principal said that she wasn't surprised that my co-worker had said that because she had no work ethic like me. There were other teachers around and I was really embarrassed.
I work long hours and have invested a lot of time and money on my new class and I'm really upset about this. I understand that I put her in a stressful situation but my intentions were good. Maybe I'm being too emotional? I can't stop being sick if if sick though. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
01MxJ96dXI4ObNhqcAcpAFBh7Nb2548q
|
b0psbg
|
{
"description": "changing my computer password after live-in girlfriend stains and refuses to replace my keyboard",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for changing my computer password after live-in girlfriend stains and refuses to replace my keyboard?
|
We share my desktop computer, mostly for gaming. The other night I found a large mark on the fabric wrist rest of the keyboard. She apologized, explained that she had been drawing, and that the marker slipped off the pad and onto the keyboard.
She initially offered to replace the keyboard (around $100), but attempted to clean the mark off first. However, after attempts at cleaning failed, she changed her mind and refused to pay for it as the damage was purely aesthetic and the keyboard was still usable -- and because I make more money than her.
The next day she was very upset to find I had changed the password to my computer. She has her own laptop (which I bought for her as a gift), but it can't handle video games.
I'm not mad about the damaged keyboard at all -- it was an accident. I just don't think she should be able to use my things if she doesn't take responsibility for damaging them. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 22
}
|
WRONG
|
tRnH5UQthgd5o7yx79sUx8X4vLxbVHjE
|
acie07
|
{
"description": "being mad about an ESA request",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for being mad about an ESA request?
|
Renter’s 18 year old daughter diagnosed with depression/anxiety. Gets doctor’s prescription for an ESA. Association and lease are strictly no pet. Federal laws including ADA, FHAA and human rights laws are incredibly grey and give the ESA need the upper hand in the eyes of the law.
Am i the asshole because i think the laws and request are more about granting people the ability to stick their fingers in the eye of everyone else around them?
ESA requires no certificate, no training and can be a horse if the “need” shows. Doctors don’t need to try anything else or prove that this prescription for an animal which is allowed nearly anywhere can be measured.
I called a friend’s wife who has an ESA because I wanted to sympathize with the girl rather than think i was being played. Turns out she admitted to gaming the system so she can take her dog on the plane with her.
Am i the asshole for seeing this as attention seeking behavior propped up by the mental health industry to make people who arent special feel special? Why do the rights of owners get superceded by a renter’s daughters mental heath professional?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
8P1OOWMbJoYahinZVofbFDLn3FC8v50e
|
b3v9od
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship because we aren't together",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for ending a friendship because we aren't together?
|
About 4 months ago I (27 m) met someone (27 f) on a dating site. Apparently we went to the same school, so we knew of each other but never really met before. We hit it off pretty quickly, had a lot in common, and went on a couple of dates. During the 2nd date she had told me that her ex fiance cheated and left her only a few weeks before and that her friends basically made her profile for her. We were genuinely enjoying each other's company and conversations though so I said that it's okay if she isn't ready. I went through a similar situation last year so I knew what she was going through.
Over the next couple months we hung out a lot, talked every day, and told each other things that our closest friends and family didnt know. We hung out so much that all her friends and family thought that we were dating. We comforted each other and even "cuddled" a few times for comfort. We have had conversations about sex, but never tried anything.
I have told her how I felt about her, not in an annoying way. She said that she doesn't want to hurt me as she was still confused. We went on a trip with my friends, and on the drive there I said something jokingly, along the lines of "I know we aren't together, but try not to get too friendly with my friend (friend's name), he can be a pretty smooth player". She said that she didnt have any interest in him, and after a little bit said "I dont know, are we together?" That really sent a lot of emotions through me and I wasn't sure what to say. A while ago, I expressed that I just want her to be happy, whether we are together or just friends and I want to be a good friend to her no matter what. I asked what she meant about what she said before and she said that she just doesn't know and doesn't want to hurt me.
Since then we only saw each other once and talk once or twice a week. It has felt very weird since we would talk all day before. I have initiated conversations but get little to no replies any more. I know she's busy and has been going through a lot though so I understand.
However, this past weekend I was out at the bar with a couple friends and decided to text her asking how she was doing. After a short convo she told me that she met someone, a friend's brother. It got to me quite a bit, not just because of how I felt about her, but how it all kinda made sense to me. I dont need to hear it from her, but I have a strong feeling that she just didnt want to tell me that she wasn't into me and the reason she doesn't talk to me much is because she doesn't want to see me hurt and it's easiest for her. If that were the case I wish she'd told me a long time ago so I didn't have all of these mixed signals and feelings over the last few months. I haven't talked to her yet, and I do feel like an ass for feeling like I dont want to be friends like we were, but i feel lied to and led on. AITA for potentially ending a friendship because of this?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
PMm0cgumhSKgbPSi2Wvp4DoTdTkj8aHr
|
al46es
|
{
"description": "wanting to be a german Shepherd Dog breeder",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA if I want to be a German Shepherd Dog breeder?
|
So I really like GSDs and when I get older, I want to breed them and sell the puppies. I voice this to my friends and to these two teachers who I’m close to and I’m instantly bombarded with the phrase “adopt don’t shop”. Now I say that it’s my preference, and whatever I prefer is what I’m going to get. People can adopt dogs and all, good for them, but I want a GSD puppy that I’m going to raise and love with all my heart. They respond with “Yeah, but you can take care of dogs that already exist, you’re harming the environment by creating more puppies.” Then they start saying that you have to inject the dogs with sex hormones and force them to have sex, and I just say “Well I didn’t do research on that, I was just gonna wait for one to be in heat and then see what happens.” They laugh at me and say clearly I haven’t. I say also I’m not inbreeding my dogs because I’ll be getting them from two separate breeders. I still get dissed and I’m pretty upset because I just wanted to talk about what I wanted to do when I’m older. One of my friends jokingly says “Yeah ____, we just diss you because we hate you.” and I just laugh. This has happened before in my friend group with different topics, one being just yesterday where I was alienated by my friend group for playing a trade game in discord and I claimed a bunch of characters so I could get people to trade me (they got angry and said it was unfair that I had their characters. They threatened to kick me. I said I have their characters so I could trade for characters they have). I’m just upset right now and I want to know if IATA.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
23dcsViZeXjfUpswgWFR3OKLHqV2PYPP
|
a7nm1p
|
{
"description": "insisting my mom go no contact with someone I believe to be toxic",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for insisting my mom go no contact with someone I believe to be toxic?
|
Some background, I live far away from my mother. We don’t have any other family and my mom raised me by herself. Her choice in partners has always been poor and she hadn’t had one in a long time until she met Martin about 10 weeks ago. Martin has a lot of money and showed her a lot of attention and affection using that money. He’s also an alcoholic and people who know him well say he always has been.
I came to see my mom for the holidays and she wanted me to stay at his house because he has a lot of stuff to do. The minute I arrived he handed my mother and I a drink. The rest of the night, Martin kept separating me from my mother to show me things or talk to me by himself. He asked me over and over again if I had a boyfriend and how old I was. He made me extremely uncomfortable with these questions.
He told me some stories about tragedies that have happened in his life and it really struck a cord with me because they’re so similar to things I’ve also gone through. At this point I started to warm up to him and take pity. He asked me to go check and see if my mom was asleep. She was. He started getting as close as possible to me and talking about how he does stuff with 20 year olds and how old am I again? (In my 20s) he was touching my hair and staring at me and when I’d ask him what he was thinking he’d just say “no no no no no”. At this point I excused myself to my room and called my boyfriend and expressed to him how terrified I was. I managed to calm myself down and think that maybe I perceived the situation incorrectly and took the phone with me to the bathroom.
When I came out of the bathroom he was just standing there with his pants undone. I screamed because he scared me and he didn’t do anything. He just stood and stared. I asked what he was doing and he said “Just checking that my cameras are working. Who’s on the phone?” And I said “my boyfriend” he continued to just stand and stare for what felt like 10 minutes before I backed up to my room and went inside, him still standing there. I locked the door and he tried to open it. I stayed on the phone with my boyfriend the whole night and this man tried repeatedly to open my door.
In the morning I told my mom everything and she tried to tell me I was overreacting and he didn’t know what he was doing. I decided I’d give him another chance. We all went out to dinner where he insisted we drink. I didn’t. My mom did. At some point he took me outside where I told him that what he did that night scared me and that he has no right to try and come into my room or touch me, his house or not. He then told me that I crossed a line that night and took my top off. That didn’t happen. He told my mom I was lying about everything.
I convinced my mom he was at best lying and at worst gaslighting. I told her she needed to leave him ASAP and she did. She called a friend who’d known him their whole life to let them know she was leaving and they said “Lemme guess. He tried to fuck your daughter”. Apparently he has done this many many times and been far more persistent and terrifying than he was with me, with girls much younger than me. His wife who killed herself in their garage told people he “terrified her but he’d kill her if she left”.
My mom is still talking to him on the phone and being friendly like nothing really happened, all the while maintaining that she’s not going back to him. She said she’s being diplomatic. They had airplane tickets and hotel room to a concert in February and still plans on going with him. I told her she’s not and started freaking out because honestly, this is not the woman who raised me. I feel she’s being manipulated and that this man is toxic and dangerous. She told me I needed to back the fuck off and let her handle her life and that I’m being dramatic and paranoid. She said she “can still use him for things she wants”. I think she’s enabling his behavior and messing with someone who’s potentially very dangerous.
Am I blowing it out of proportion? She insists she knows him so well and that I don’t know him at all. I suppose that’s true but he just scared the absolute shit out of me and I don’t think alcohol is an excuse for that. This whole ordeal has been very confusing for me and I’m starting to think maybe I am the asshole and I should just leave it alone and let her handle it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
4X6zOD2zVAfXfBajlQcMG9f1gzWlLmqL
|
ao0te1
|
{
"description": "forgetting to give my gf a ride",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for forgetting to give my gf a ride?
|
My friend plays basketball the local rec center. Me and my friends and sometimes my girlfriend go to every game to support him. I had just got home from the gym and needed to shower and get ready and head right over, and in my haste, forgot to pick up my girlfriend on the way.
I let her know as I'm heading to the rec center that I forgot to pick her up but, she's still welcome to come. keep in mind, I'm always the one that drives us places in our relationship. She says she doesn't feel like driving so she doesn't go, and that she's a little irritated with me. I say "Why? Am I expected to pick you up?"
She told me that she snapchatted me saying "come pick me up" about a half hour before this all went down, and I never opened it until later that night.
I apologized to try avoiding a fight, to which she replied "not much to do about it now".
Here's how I see it.
1. I always drive. I was coming home from the gym, showering, rushing to get out the door and I forgot about picking her up.
2. She's perfectly capable of driving herself to the gym. She didn't want to drive, who says I did?
3. I tried to take the high road and instead of fighting, apologize for forgetting her to which she replied, "not much to do about it now"
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
vH5BTuXSAfDfwjoLKU87YhfwZW3C1VlK
|
b5nz1m
|
{
"description": "threatening to report my bf for plagiarism",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 88
}
|
AITA For threatening to report my bf for plagiarism?
|
My bf who studies architecture is struggling with money and he's thinking about writing spare essays and offering them up for sale ($200) to desperate students a day before the deadline. I said he could get done for plagiarism and tried to stop him, but he said he will only sell them to students if they agree to not submit them as a kind of get out of jail card for him.
I threatened to report him to the university if he did and now he's not talking to me, AITA for threatening to reporting him? I don't think I would actually report him because I don't want my bf getting thrown off the course, but I dont want him doing this either.
AITA
thanks
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 70,
"OTHER": 51,
"EVERYBODY": 18,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 51,
"WRONG": 88
}
|
WRONG
|
UFOpWYom10PLSuNfUfmthlMGzzJ3WEn7
|
auakol
|
{
"description": "not going to family dinner",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going to family dinner?
|
I have an allergy to garlic. Yeah, it sucks as fresh garlic wrecks me in minutes with all sorts of unpleasant gastrointestinal issues, including vomiting. This developed in my mid 20s, so this isn't anything new as I'm 40. For the most part people pay attention and I've even offered alternatives in the form of shallots or elephant garlic since EG is a member of the leek family.
My extended family enjoys having dinners once in a while, but I continue to feel like an outsider as for whatever reason it seems as if my family constantly forgets about about how bad garlic is for me and how sick it makes me. It becomes a pain in the behind to keep reminding them how garlic kills me and outside of one recipe, it always seems to be forgotten. Lately I've felt as if it's a lot easier to not go to these meals so they can cook with everything they want and not have to make special food for me.
I bailed on the latest one because I had plans, but my plans changed. Instead of inconveniencing everyone and attending, I missed it. One of my aunts even told me EG doesn't taste the same.
AITA for not going to these meals?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TB3WQSr0KG9bbnMzaaCschavsu3UC0Rb
|
al8i2p
|
{
"description": "wanting my girlfriend over her sexual request",
"pronormative_score": 374,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA For wanting my girlfriend over her sexual request?
|
First and foremost, I know that it takes a lot of courage to open up about sexual kinks and fetishes, and normally even if I wasn't into something I would be supportive and encourage my partner to tell me. But I feel like everyone has some hard limits that would change the way they look at their partner, and once something is said you can't really control how you feel about it or pretend you never heard it.
My girlfriend and I have had a pretty solid relationship and a good sex life. Our hard limits have always been pretty fleshed out, and one of mine is that I would never be down to open our relationship. Recently out of the blue my girlfriend essentially told me she wanted to cuckold me. Told me that she had been watching videos and reading forums and was turned on by it. She went on to say how hot she thinks it'd be if she made me watch her sleep with other dudes, "playfully" humiliated me, talked about chastity and all that stuff. I was completely stunned and disgusted, and told her that I was absolutely not interested and I didn't want to talk about it again, that it was a very firm no. I tried to put it out of my head but my stomach was doing flip flops.
Two days later she brought it up again, this time trying to reason with me and explain why it would be great for us and how much she'd like it, and how she could "prove" to me I'd like it. I got upset and told her that I already said no and she knew I'd never be ok with it, and I needed her to stop asking. She dropped it.
I've been trying to let it go but I can't. Knowing my girlfriend thinks so little of me that she'd want to not only sleep with other men but derive sexual pleasure from humiliating me during the act. It makes me wonder if something already happened, makes me feel sick to know when we're intimate she's probably getting off thinking about that dynamic. I feel depressed when I'm around her now, and I can't help but see her differently than I always have. I know that in my heart I won't ever be able to forget what she said. I just don't feel secure in the relationship anymore.
So I'm considering ending it. Told her that I wasn't comfortable anymore and that the knowledge she not only wants to open our relationship but reduce me to the role of a secondary sexual partner humiliated me and that I need time to think. I'm currently staying with a friend until I decide how to proceed.
I know she's not the asshole for having a kink, but am I the asshole for no longer wanting this relationship?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 319,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 55,
"INFO": 5
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 374,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
RIGHT
|
rwjuGSSyIaSGiI2Zw36owjGC2iHq2hFD
|
ah21dc
|
{
"description": "not raising my hand to \"thank\" people for stopping to let me cross the crosswalk",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA If I don’t raise my hand to “thank” people for stopping to let me cross the crosswalk
|
Why should i thank them for doing what they’re supposed to do?
“Oh thanks for obeying the law and not hitting me”
Doesn’t make sense to me, thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
aPDyvTZHvYeb4NjE1vftOPV71iLk4Ycm
|
aoby66
|
{
"description": "having my quince on my actual birthday",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if i had my quince on my actual birthday?
|
So I’m 13, throwaway account and on mobile. Sorry for formatting.
My brother is graduating May 2020, and in June 2020 I will have my quince. It’s basically this big celebration that Hispanic girls have when they’re 15 because they’re considered a woman. Kind of like a sweet 16? Anyways.
I was talking with my mom about it because these things take AWHILE to plan. I’ve been invited to one that’s happening in March 2020 as one of the dancers, because it just takes so long to plan. My mom told me I could have my quince any way I wanted it, so I’ve taken it into consideration about what i really want. I told my mom I didn’t want an outdoor one, because I would prefer an air conditioned room over a mosquito filled, Texas weather outdoors since it’s happening late June. Or so I thought.
My mom said that it was going to happen in May, and I got really confused. Turns out she really wants it to be in May, and thought we could have the quince the weekend AFTER my brother’s graduation so the out of town family from Mexico can just stay for a week. I don’t like this Idea at all. Firstly, I really don’t want to celebrate a month early. My birthday is late June, and i don’t know the exact date of the graduation. It could be anywhere from early May to late May, and either way we’re looking at a month in advance at LEAST. I don’t want to have a celebration so early and so far from me actually turning 15. Plus, it would be trouble with the choreography. It takes 3 months to plan the choreography, and that means we would have to plan it in February as opposed to March or maybe early July. Plus, school. This means I would have my quince DURING SCHOOL. I would absolutely hate this. Especially since it would be around finals week. Plus, I’m not a big party person. I am not in favor of having 2 big celebrations on 2 saturdays in a row. If it was over the summer, sure, but not during school. I use Saturdays to rest and Sunday isn’t an option as it’s a day I’m forced to wake up early for church.
WIBTA if i confronted my mom about this and told her I would not have a quince in May?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
LPsPkR7gTOX3RvDZQrre58pobcDcombH
|
a2rziv
|
{
"description": "not associating with my own father",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not associating with my own father?
|
My father has cause a lot of issues, not only with my fiance, but also with past girlfriends I have had. My Dad is an alcoholic, hard headed, stubborn, never can admit he does anything wrong, and likes to put the blame on everyone else. My fiance' and I have been together for almost 4 years. She's a great person, never has any issues getting along with anyone, smart, funny, and just all around awesome. I couldn't ask for someone better.
During our first year of dating, my dad was just getting to know her and I was bringing her around more. My Dad comes from an Italian background, so Sunday (sometimes Satruday) dinners with the family are a big thing. So we would go over usually once a week.
My Dad, being an alcoholic, was drunk 99% of the time we would go over for dinner. Him being drunk led to him being kind of flirty with my fiance' (at the time was just my girlfriend). For some reason, the topic of girls who are "sluts" got brought up the family dinner (was brough up by my dad) and he mentioned that my girlfriend was a "slut, but in a good way". This was probably the worst thing he has said, but there was also instances of him flirting with her, telling her that shes gorgeous, and also was tickling her in the stomach area, in a "joking way" apparently. My dad has always been a friendly/flirty person with most all women, so even though I did find it inappropriate, I didn't think much of it and kind of let it go.
My fiance' didn't say much about it at first, but after several times of being tickled by him, she started expressing to me how uncomfortable it makes her and how inappropriate it really is. It took me a while to realize it, and I guess its because I grew up with my father acting like this and was used to it. Now being an adult, I am starting to see my father is not normal and the things he is doing is not appropraite, and I am totally understanding of how she feels. He also sent a text to me one day when we were having a summer party (which included a slip-n-slide) and asked if my girlfriend was going to be in a bikini when he got there.
My fiance started to become distant from him, and one day he finally asked what was going on and she explained to him how she felt. He said he was sorry and wanted to appologize, but to this day ( about 1.5 years later) he still hasn't. He claims he has tried over and over again and we keep blowing him off, but its not the case at all, and thats what he tells other people. I am starting to beleive his drinking is starting to mess with his memory and he is having a hard time distiguishing between what he actually does and what he thinks he does.
I explained to him he needs to appologize and until then I am going to be distant as well. That has not seemed to phase him. Now with the holidays coming around, I am starting to feel guilty about it because I have a feeling I wont be seeing him on Christmas. I didn't even hear from my dad on Thanksgiving. I am trying to stand my ground though so he understands that he cannot act this way and until he appoligzes to my future wife, this is how things are going to be.
I am having a hard time with this because I am always a nice person and feel bad being mean to someone, regardless of what they have done. Plus the fact its my own father. Am I the asshole or am I not the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Sr47gPuVIeUrxbsMG9EHhVAW8QiSkxDD
|
al95i9
|
{
"description": "not eating my fiancée's overcooked meal",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For not eating my fiancée’s overcooked meal
|
Backstory: I work full time and my fiancée stays at home with our twin 7 month old babies, who are still teething and can be a handful at the best of times.
I came home from work and straight away help out with the bubs who have been crying non-stop since they woke up from their nap. Dinner was still in the oven and my fiancée wanted to go for a walk in the hopes that a change of scenery may appease the bubs.
Upon arriving home from our walk, my fiancée turns the oven off and we prepare the bubs to be seated and have their food organised along ours for dinner. As my fiancée is dishing out dinner, I can smell the distinct smell of the food being burnt. It’s a lamb casserole with veges but it should be fine.
As I try a bit it the lamb, I notice that’s over cooked and hard to eat. My fiancée notices my reaction and assured me that the veges should be fine. I try them however they’re covered in a tomatoey sauce that’s burnt and the flavour just saturates throughout the whole meal.
I winced as I took another bite of this meal and then my fiancée says “just eat it and put up with it” which is not like her and I didn’t appreciate being forced to eat. I thanked her for the meal but I wasn’t going to eat it. She started berating me to eat the food, saying such things like I’m spoilt.
Of course, I dug my heals in and wasn’t going to have a bat of it. I continued to refuse to eat dinner that she had prepared as nicely as I could. I told her I appreciated the time and effort that she put into the meal however I wasn’t going to force myself to eat a meal that I didn’t enjoy.
She was quiet while she ate the rest of the meal while I fed the bubs their dinner. Afterwards, she left the kitchen and went into our bedroom without saying a word. Even that night, when we tried to hash it out, she is convinced that I should’ve eaten her food and I’m adamant that I’m not obligated to eat any food served to me, especially if it’s burnt.
So Reddit, AITA? I don’t understand why she took it so personally. My fiancée is usually a great cook and I always tell her so, I help out with the cooking as well, I’m flabbergasted!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
jepys4CzMJEpxx5dyMV7YWvOzyX7DXt9
|
a7ytj4
|
{
"description": "not getting gifts for my kid's teacher",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not getting gifts for my kid's teacher?
|
Background: I am a law student with a limited budget. I thought about doing a smaller inexpensive gift like baked goods or the like, but general internet consensus seems to indicate that teachers don't like these kinds of gifts because they get a ton of them. I also wanted to just do a nice card or something but with finals I have had NO free time to do anything but study, sleep, and eat. Do my kids teachers *expect* a gift, or will they understand? Asking because I was subtly shamed about this by a PTA mom...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.