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{
"description": "wanting something that makes me happy",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
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|
AITA for wanting something that makes me happy?
|
Hi guys,
​
Im currently struggling with my thoughts lately. I've found this sub so I figured Id just make an account and ask more then just close family/friends.
​
Little backstory: I'm 25 now
Grew up pretty rough, parents rarely home due to work, trying to pay the house they wanted to secure, so my sister and I grew up nicely. Got bullied most years, no one helped, had to learn to do everything by myself. Mom got health issues due to working in a factory and needed support by us kids early on. Were a pretty big family so a lot of illness, struggles, deaths etc. experienced early on. That was from 8 to 18 years
I ALWAYS take care of anyone in the family, or my girlfriends family. I do it because it feels right to me and no one else could. I help everyone financially and with my car or even small stuff...
​
B2T:
Two years ago my mom got a surgery to get her gallblader removed. Surgery went weirdly wrong and they had to cut her stomach open two times, due to leakage of the acid thingy from the gallblader. Shes been feeling shit ever since and I had to take care of her in the ICU and at home.
Last year I went into therapy due to being heavily depressed for the last 4 or 5 years, not feeling emotions and shutting everyone out, having suicidal thoughts and even attempts. Talked to my about it but past the first sentence she started instantly crying and I went to a therapist to not be a burden to her. I got better so thats a plus.
I do everything for my family, especially my mom. Id die for her.
​
Two weeks ago she went under surgery again because the doctors found out she had been living with half her liver dead inside her body, and that might be because of the leakage two years ago. High possibility that that is the reason why shes feeling pain etc. the whole time. Surgery went really well, she got home just after 6 days because shes recovered so fast. I visited her daily, sometimes twice a day. Now shes home, doing okay, still in recovery but shes been really weird ever since. I still try to support them as best as i can.
​
But heres my struggle: (still living with my parents btw.)
We grew up with a dog, and I really love animals n stuff, my girlfriend didnt want me to have a dog but after we spoke for months, she agreed because she understands how important that is for me, and how the dog would make me happy.
​
My parents do love dogs, but whenever I bring the idea they get angry af, telling me off, telling me Im a shitty son if I think about stuff like that, because my mom is not healthy and she cant take care of a dog. Im allowed to bring my dog to work and its even requested by my boss, because its a really dog friendly company.
​
They know I want a dog, they show me puppys they find on the internet but whenever I bring it up I get shit on. Trying to talk to my mom ends with her starting to cry, asking me why Im doing this to her and telling me to stop pushing her. I already told them I couldve went and get the dog if I want to, but I dont because im trying to be a good son and want everyone to agree. The dog would do my mom good to. She always talks about how our old dog would never leave her side when she was feeling bad etc etc.
​
I even have a straight up list on how to keep the dog as far away from mama as possible, to not be a burden to her... Im ready!
​
Now I really dont know if Im just a bit too focused on getting what I want or if my feeling that my family doesnt even think about all the stress and chaos the last years put on me too - not just my mom. My older sister is also shitting on me, but shes not even living with us anymore...
AITA for wanting something that makes me happy? Or AITA for still pushing for a doggo?
​
Thanks for reading, sorry for the long post and mistakes! Please be honest, I can take it! :-)
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "not accepting GF's religious beliefs",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not accepting GF's religious beliefs?
|
I been talking with a girl for a few months now that is near perfect in everyway. Things progressed very quickly. At the beginning, I didn't realize the role religion (Christianity) played in her life ... until a friend of hers told her that she needed to stop seeing me in a week. This was early on in the relationship, but she chose not to, and it didn't get brought up until again until very recently. I have never really been to church, but I'm somewhat familiar with the Bible and Christianity in general. While I believe some of it, I'm indifferent to other aspects and I know my mind can't be changed. I have also always respected her decision regarding her beliefs ... until recently when she told me she could never love me as much as God or Jesus. That I could never be the most important person in her life. In my heart, I know I can't be with someone that I love if they can't love me back the same way. It makes me feel terrible because I understand where she's coming from very slightly, but I can't get over this one belief ... it makes me feel worthless. When I told her I couldn't be with someone that loved God or Jesus more than someone in front of them, everything pretty much ended. Her therapist told her I was being manipulative, as did her non religious mom. She thinks I'm saying that I'm more important than God. Or that I'm trying to say, at the very least, that I'm equal to him. This is not what I'm trying to do at all. The last night we talked, she mentioned how much she sacrificed for me. How she lost friends and opportunities within the church. I had no idea I had caused any of this, nor did I mean to. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "reaching out to my friend when I was suicidal",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for reaching out to my friend when I was suicidal?
|
Throw-away account
​
Some backstory (sorry if it’s long). I’m male, in my early 20’s, and my friend is female, and one year younger than me. We’ve been friends for seven years, having originally met online. I was home-schooled from middle school onwards, so I never had any friends outside the people I knew online. For this, I’ll call her Rose. Me and Rose have essentially been best friends the entire time we’ve known each other. In the very early stages of our friendship, we had a semi-pseudo “romantic” relationship in which we called each other boy-friend/girl-friend, but it was as real as an online “relationship” between two young teenagers could be. Anyways, that part of the relationship ended after about six months into our friendship. Half misunderstanding, half me being dumb. Whatever the case, it reverted to “just friends” which I was fine with.
We continue to stay really close friends. We have our up’s and down’s, times where we don’t talk as much, but we always pretty much stayed friends. Rose helped me through a really bad toxic relationship I had with someone else, who sort of led me on for five years, but that’s another story entirely. Point of the matter is we’re super close, and she’s the only person I honestly feel comfortable telling anything to.
Now, I’ve also suffered from MDD (major depressive disorder) for a long time. I tried to take meds, talk with a professional, and all that stuff but it was not really effective for me. I’ve always just defaulted to dealing with it until it boils over, having a melt-down, and then cooling down until it builds up again. I know, I know, that’s super toxic and unhealthy to do but this is in the past. I’ve also been suicidal. When I was younger, it would more be me thinking about it a lot and wishing I had a way to carry it out more than anything else, but it was always in the back of my head. When I got older, I was able to purchase a pistol under the cover of “self-defense” but in my heart I knew what I was buying it for. For the next time I had a bad melt-down, I could finally just end it. I should also mention at this point that I only have a few friends in real life, live with my roommate “Dave” who is also a friend, and am still a virgin.
Also for context, about a year and a half ago I was the closest I had ever been to committing suicide. It was after the toxic relationship with the other person finally ended for real, and I didn’t know what to do with life anymore. I got as far as bawling in my room, holding the gun to my head, and just screaming at myself to “DO IT”. I couldn’t, obviously, but that memory sticks with me. I never told anyone about it, because after I calmed down some I felt really embarrassed in myself.
Fast forward to, we’ll say very recently, and Rose is going to come visit me for my birthday for a few days. I’m ecstatic. However, the thought that she might maybe have some romantic feelings left for me entered my mind. Now, mind you this is really dumb for me to think. She’s told me before that she doesn’t see me that way, and I know that. But being the dumb, hopeless virgin I am I stupidly let this flicker of hope light in me. To make things worse, my roommate essentially convinces me that it’ll probably happen. Now, also know that I am not (or at least I hope not in this specific case) an asshole in that I will try to pressure her into this. My mindset was “If she does, cool. If not, it’s still cool because I love just being her friend”, and that is true. It’s the hope that was the main issue.
Anyways, she gets here, it’s a good time, I make a subtle comment, and she (as I should have expected) shuts that shit down. She’s not interested that way, I accept this, and we move on. It’s the next day, and we’re just having a conversation, when I ask her if I made her feel uncomfortable (I’m always constantly in fear that I will upset people in any way, as I have really bad social anxiety). She says no, but that she was just kinda sad that I thought she would. (For additional detail, she is polyamorous but is still selective in who she sleeps with, which is fine) I explain that it’s less me thinking that she was “like that” and more just me wanting to get that part of my life over with. I have this false idea that if I can finally just lose the vCard that my social anxiety will magically disappear (which is stupid, I know).
Anyways, I kinda break down a little bit. I explain to her how I feel alone so much of the time, how the pressures of being a virgin weigh on me because of how people view me. Then I explain the story from a year and a half earlier where I almost killed myself. In this she is super supportive, tells me it’s okay, and we have a good talk. Everything seems fine for now, until I’m taking her back to the airport. As we pull up to the terminal, the realization that everything is about to go back to normal dawns on me. I had been enjoying having a real friend near me that I could talk to, and that was all about to vanish again. I tear up a little bit, and she sees it as me just sad she is leaving (which is half true). I drop her off, and begin to drive home. My tearing up turns to full-fledged weeping as what I can only describe as a panic attack occurs. The entire drive home (1.5hrs) I’m just praying that an eighteen wheeler crashes into me, or that I can just force me hand to ram me into a tree.
I finally make it home, and b-line for my room. I grab my gun, cock it, and begin trying to mentally force myself to “DO IT” again. I’m just staring at it, getting progressively more and more furious at myself for being too weak to do it. I try to convince myself that this is the logical choice, but I just can’t. I’m full on panicking now. I can’t end my life, but continuing forward seems equally daunting. I feel stuck, trapped in my mind, no escape, no- sorry. This is not the point of this story, my emotions started to bleed into my typing.
Anyways, I’m panicked. She’s on the plane, so I can’t contact her. I don’t know what else to do, so I type out everything that was running through my mind from the point of dropping her off to now. Hoping against hope that she would understand and be able to help. I finally calm down some more, and I just nervously wait. She finally sends me back this:
“Hey so I'm really exhausted And this whole weekend was fun but it was also a big reveal. You are really in the dumps I can't help you, no one can. You're the only one who can help you. If you don't want to feel depressed anymore you have to take steps. None of those steps are: 1. Venting to friends 2. Losing your vCard 3. Having more friends - The steps are actually: 1. Getting physically healthy 2. Getting professional help ( medication for anxiety, learning coping mechanisms, going to counseling to vent) 3. Creating a happier space for yourself 4. Loving yourself. Our friendship won't save you, your mom can't, ur family can't, Xbox hobby can't, job can't, Dave can't, a girlfriend can't.These are facts, and maybe no one has had the balls to tell it to you with care in mind. I want you to be better \*redacted\*, I sincerely hope you find happiness in yourself and life, but I can’t let my thoughts go unheard.”
Now I just feel awful. I feel like such an asshole for throwing this on her. I feel like I may have accidentally pushed her away, and I’m scared. The logical side of me says that it was okay, but the emotional side of me is berating me for being a massive asshole as I should have just kept this to myself. Am I the asshole for reaching out to her? I just need a second opinion other than the voice in my head. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place, but it seemed like it fit.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not giving my materials to my colleague",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving my materials to my colleague?
|
So I’m gonna dive right in
There’s this girl in class with me who really doesn’t do much. She’s a slacker and is also a bit slow. She will ask the same question multiple times and has held back an entire class’s progress once or twice because the teacher had to just stop and work with her. I think I’d feel a bit different if she actually put in effort instead of just being present in class and then forgetting everything.
Anyways...
I’ve been offered an interview for a really coveted internship, and was chatting with this girl before class, and it turns out she has an interview for the same position.
I let her take a look at my samples I’m bringing to the interview so she could get an idea of how to prepare, and she started eyeing my work aggressively. “I really need to do mine like this.. how’d you do it?” she asked.
Always down to share resources, I pulled up the websites I had downloaded my source files from and sent her the links. Explained that you basically download the file, plug in your work, and it does the hard bit for you. She would just have to search the database to find source files compatible with her work. Easy, right?
Apparently not. She sighs at me in frustration and basically barks “Can’t I just use the files you have downloaded already? I have my hard drive and you can just put them on here for me.”
And this girl actually hands me her hard drive expecting me to copy my files for her. Now, I think I’ve been very nice sending her some great resources and showing her how to do it. Especially considering we are up for the same position and she’s essentially my competition. She really wants me to give her my work so she can just erase my plug ins and put her own stuff in?
Me- “Well I’m not sure it’s a good idea for us both to have the same source files, it’ll look like we copy and pasted and will be pretty unprofessional. I’m sure you understand. There’s a few thousand more files to choose from on the websites I showed you, though, so don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll find something.”
-cue sigh- “well, can’t you just like find new ones. Since you know how these work better than me, it wouldn’t take you very long to just find new ones and let me use these, right?”
Now this is where the Asshole part comes in. I refused to give her my source files. I feel like since I spent a fair amount of time finding the perfect sources and crafting them to my pieces, I don’t think it’s fair for me to give them to her and have to start over myself. Especially the night before my interview.
My friend (our mutual friend) told me I was being selfish and letting the interview get to me, and that I obviously just wanted her to fail. I think if that was the case, I wouldn’t have given her any help at all.. I don’t know. I’m starting to second guess my decision to not just give her my files. Was I being a bitch?
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "liking the movie Friday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for liking the movie Friday?
|
Recently, I expressed to someone that my favorite movie is Friday. I think that it’s a hilarious movie, and there is a bunch of amazing actors in it as well. Now, I’m a white suburban girl, and because of this, this girl I used to be friends with says I’m racist. She said that using black people for my entertainment is racism, and that laughing at a culture I don’t understand is racist. But, I explained to her, it’s not that the actors are black, it’s that I enjoy the humor, and that isn’t it discrediting the actors comedy by saying they’re only funny because they’re black to people of color who enjoy the movie? Maybe that’s not what she meant by it, but she’s refusing to talk to me and telling our mutual friend that I’m a racist because of this. I don’t think I did anything wrong? AITA?
Sorry for horrible sentence structure. I’m flustered right now.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "wanting my sister to get my new boots",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting my sister to get my new boots?
|
About two years ago, my older sister came home from college, took a pair of very nice boots from my closet while I was gone, and kept them. I paid $300 for them because I wanted a nice, comfortable pair of boots that I could wear for several years.
Once I realized they were missing, I asked for them back, and she said no. I couldn’t physically take them from her because we lived in different cities, so I didn’t really have any options at that point. After that conversation, she wore them to a music festival and absolutely trashed them. They were caked with mud, stained, and had been folded up and squished in the back of her car. She was still in college and I knew she didn’t have a lot of extra money, so I decided to wait a while until she got a stable income to ask for new boots to replace the ones she stole.
Fast forward to today when I was at dinner with her. She’s an adult now with a steady job, her own place, and she is financially stable. We happened to get on the subject of boots. I politely mentioned my old boots and asked if she would consider buying me a new pair or replacing the ones she took. She got upset and insisted we change the subject because she “didn’t want to get into a fight at the dinner table.”
AITA for wanting her to replace something she took from me and ruined?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "getting my friends fired/leaving them homeless for sleeping with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for getting my friends fired/leaving them homeless for sleeping with my ex?
|
Alright, this story is kinda old but I still think about the morality of the situation to this day.
So, when I was 16 I got kicked out of my house in a little mountain town in Colorado with no phone, no car, and really nowhere to go. Weird situation at home. First thing I did was walk about 5 miles to my brother’s work (a little restaurant) to plead for a job. Started washing dishes 5 minutes later.
There was one guy that I worked with, super smart but thought he was above “bitch work” (his words not mine). Let’s call him Alex. Of course, he was the one who trained me. I don’t see myself above anything to this day, so I just went with the unreasonable tasks that had obviously never been done before me. As time moved on, this stopped happening and we became friends. I saved up enough money to buy a car which I was living in as that was basically my only option, going to high school, and working full time. I had a girlfriend that I’d stay with maybe twice a week for a warm place to stay/do laundry.
Now, Alex was super into doing acid (not really my thing but I don’t judge) so his dad kicked him out. He was 19 or 20 at the time, but asked me (still 16) for a place to stay. I arranged a place for us with another friend’s family.
Just a week before this, I woke up on the morning after Valentine’s Day to see my girlfriend had been cheating on me with multiple guys over Facebook on MY FUCKING PHONE. Tip to the wise: if you do this, make sure to sign out of your account. If I open my phone and see 12 messages over Facebook, I open them without thinking about who’s account I’m using. When guys are telling me about how great “the other night” was, I can put 2 and 2 together pretty quick.
Anyway, after leaving her ass, I’m now living with Alex basically in a garage. One day while taking a break he showed me a video or something when a message pops up from my ex on the screen. His screen. He claims he was trying to help me blah blah blah so I went with it. I wanted to know for sure if he was sleeping with her and lying to me about it. I wanted a plan to cut ties if that were the case. I waited for my time to strike. And it came HARD.
To spare the details, I found out through a friend that my fears were true. I felt violated, not only from my cheating gf but from one of my best friends.
The day of reckoning fell upon me by accident.
Alex came into the kitchen (at the restaurant) telling me the lockbox, where about 1000 dollars was kept, was easy to get into. He said you can turn the lock without a key and showed me. When my boss came back I told him he needed to replace the lockbox as you didn’t need the key to open it. Of course, he asked me how I knew that and motioned to Alex. Obviously Alex had no explanation so he got fired on the spot along with another friend that was with him. Exactly what I wanted. He knew he was done living with me at that point.
AITA for getting him fired and making him “homeless” at the same time?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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{
"description": "getting annoyed at my friend constantly talking about her dead grandpa",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed at my friend constantly talking about her dead grandpa?
|
I've been friends with this girl since 5th grade, and my other friends have known her since preschool. This girl always used to burst out saying "My grandpa died from cancer!" whenever we brought up dead family members.
Just recently, my aunt was diagnosed with cancer. They caught it early, so we don't know if she's going to be okay. However, I wanted to tell my friends so they didn't worry about me if I looked down or gloomy (im a pretty cheerful person) and so I told my friend group.
The girl let out a nervous laugh and yelled her signature line and I couldn't help but almost start crying and I snapped.
"You always say that! That's why I didn't want to tell you! I knew you were gonna burst out about your grandpa and I feel bad but I'm also in a tough place right now!"
She said sorry and hasn't really talked about it since, and I feel bad. I snapped because that had been a terrible month for me and I shouldn't have taken it out on her.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
"description": "being pissed off",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed off
|
I had just walked my Aunty home because she was walking around herself, looking for a party and she offered me a feed. I’m not one to pass when it comes to rib bones so I happily get one so that I can eat it at home. As I’m leaving her house with the bone in hand (she had no containers) a woman is walking past in the same direction I’m headed. Due to some stupid fear of colliding with and making contact with people, I decided to walk on the other side of the street. The street is well lit so it’s easy to see that I’m not walking with a knife or something yet when I walked past her and said G’Day, she sung out for a dog. Two ankle biters immediately rush out and scare the crap outta me. Luckily I had my laptop bag to scare them with, otherwise I would’ve been bitten. During this time the woman is only now double checking what I’ve got in my hand and what I look like and once she sees, she doesn’t call off the dogs. She just disappears into her house. Basically I’m just trying to walk home and have a feed whilst not trying to be rude, AITA for being pissed off at her?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "cancelling plans",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cancelling plans?
|
I’m taking a long trip in March, so I asked my cousin if he wanted to come to cat sit (we are both cat owners) while I’m gone. I promised I would pay for his flight (~$400) and pay him $200/week (two weeks). He sits on it for THREE WEEKS with no communication after several attempts on my end to get in touch. I finally get ahold of him last wednesday and he says oh yeah, I’ll totally do it. Fast forward to today, he’s supposed to call me at 10, and nothing. I decide to send an email to my cat sitter because I’m over trying to chase him down. He finally texts at 10:45 asking if I’m ready to talk. I tell him I’ve already made other plans, but now he and his mom (who he still lives with) are mad at ME for “building him up then letting him down.” I think I gave him PLENTY of time to make a decision and I’m tired of my cousin having ZERO consideration for anyone else’s lives. I think the only mistake I made was asking him in the first place. Am I the asshole here??
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not inviting children to my wedding/reception",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I do not invite children to my wedding/reception?
|
Throwaway, for reasons.
I am a professional singer, and I have a side gig as a choir director for a local group of young children (a dozen kids, 6-10 years old) at a church. I absolutely love my work as a choir director for these kids, and I really do enjoy hearing them sing.
I am in the beginning stages of planning my wedding, and a question came up concerning the music during the ceremony. I had the idea to ask my little cherub choir to sing, and my fiancee loved the idea, as she knows how dear those kids' voices are to me, and how much they would enjoy being there for the ceremony, if only as the musicians.
I mentioned this idea to the kids at our last rehearsal, and they were all very excited. A few mentioned to me that it made them feel like 'real musicians', to do a wedding gig. I pitched this idea to the parents of the choir, and the majority seem pretty okay with it. However, a few felt jilted, when I explained that the parents and children would not be guests at the ceremony, nor at the reception. The ceremony will only be attended by our immediate family at whatever venue we choose, and the parents would be able to either drop off their kids for the duration of the ceremony, or wait it out in seating in another area. The reception will take place hours later, likely in my own backyard, and there will not be anyone invited that is under the age of 21, for a variety of reasons, the least of which is the presence of alcohol.
The kids are old enough and experienced enough to behave themselves for the duration of the ceremony, and most of the parents (including those few that are complaining) do not attend most of the church services nor other events the kids sing at, so I don't see how this is any different. And again, most of the parents seem fine with it.
I told the parents who were frustrated that if they didn't like not being guests, then their kids wouldn't have to sing, and they could just skip the event- 10/12 singers would work just as well. That, for some reason, angered them more.
AITA for wanting my students to sing at my wedding? AITA for not inviting their parents to attend the intimate ceremony? AITA for not planning on inviting my students nor their parents to the 21+ reception?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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3d911SPPhQQTsgE7GvxVuBgzMKj1hiVT
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a1p7h0
| null |
AITA when my friend decides to rip my notebook when I took his jacket.
|
I know this sounds petty, but everyone said I deserved it. In my opinion l, my friend has some anger issues and always exerts them on me. He has been physical with me with little things like pushing me on the ground and stuff. However, after this I do not really know if I deserve it. Before, I used to take his jacket but I gave it back to him in a reasonable time. But this time I gave it back, but another friend of mine stole it from him and hid it. I tell him it was not me, but he then precedes to rip my notes. I don't know if we should even be friends because he has been getting increasingly mad at me at this point. It has got to a point where weekly we have been having these types of problems. I do not know if I am making an issue out of nothing, or that he is a
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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maKOgUGxZgMRksJyiFk8Q2u1PLbi5kBV
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an8hcq
|
{
"description": "not letting my teammate intona group chat",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA For not letting my teammate intona group chat?
|
Throwaway secondary account just in case.
I am in a club called Academic Decathlon and I've spent a lot of time recently with them for practice, as we had just finished our first round of competitions. So that's a solid few months of having my teammates around me nonstop and honestly, they're really cool people and I wouldn't trade anything in the world for them.
But, one of my teammates has been a bit of a dick as he's been comparing me to my partner a lot. She scored about 5 questions higher than I did during practice, and he's been disappointed in me and says I have not been trying enough. But that simply isn't true, as I have been working really hard all year and organizing our team's spirit events - but he is a record holder of our county and is upset that no one is close to him.
At first it was alright, but it has become really grating, and I have him for other clubs and classes, but he simply disregards anything I say; as he doesn't understand why everyone cannot get a perfect SAT score or control the majority of the clubs here like him. I tend to just be seen as an idiot and frankly, I'm just mad at him for it.
I was able to find and network with other people from other schools within my competition just to ease myself, as I have him in so many clubs and classes, and so many people look up to him that I just wanted space. But, as I talked about it with some of my friends, now he wants in on this group chat and I really just don't want him there. I tried dropping subtle hints on why he should not join, such as how he doesn't know anyone and that it's probably not something he'll find important but he continues to ask.
It's nice having someone to relate to in there, and I'll just feel like I'll be in his shadow for another aspect of my life if he joins. I already feel pretty isolated here due to people perceiving me as just deadweight, or just not as intelligent so I really think I just need my space.
But then I feel like an asshole for saying no, with a mutual friend saying I am the asshole.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
AmfzX1CAWGTnysqdgHYzWboH0wK0ZT9P
|
aqa6nm
|
{
"description": "breaking up with a girl the day before Valentine's day",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for breaking up with a girl the day before Valentine’s Day?
|
So I started seeing this girl near the end of December. We spent quite a bit of time together throughout January. She left for a two week trip to visit family the last week of January. We have hardly talked while she has been gone. She is a sweet girl, but I have realized that I just don’t have the time right now for a relationship because of university and work.
She just got back to town yesterday and wants to make plans for tomorrow, and I feel like it would be bad to break up with her right before Valentine’s Day. But I also don’t want to lead her on.
Tough situation, mostly looking for advice.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ER8yZpOuJp9dXNk3WdDvu2a6wgnAHAKP
|
aieqxw
|
{
"description": "wanting to break up with my GF who hid the fact that she has herpes",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting to break up with my GF who hid the fact that she has herpes?
|
Look everyone can get STDs and I know it’s not fair to those who get them and get rejected for it. But come on I feel like this should be disclosed as early as you can once you trust the other person.
In my cause my gf of about a month just disclosed that she has herpes. We always had protected sex but I feel so sick knowing that she hid this from me. She is devastated of course at my reaction but I just can’t help it. I want to break up. Am I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
5Jgj8CXqpuZ0PIMKoGO3bnOgAeLPr81D
|
afphkx
|
{
"description": "getting a cat without roommate approval",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA for getting a cat without roommate approval?
|
TL;DR: Bro and his gf promised I could get a cat before we moved into this house. Now that we have moved, they are fighting me about getting a cat again, despite it being my major stipulation for joining them on this lease. WIBTA for getting a cat regardless or their disapproval?
​
So, my brother and myself have been living together for the last 6 years. We've always split rent and paid our fair share of all bills. We both moved away from basically all of our family and are each other only real close relatives, though we talk to our mother still. We grew up with dogs and cats and love both kind of animal. Enter his girlfriend.
​
She moved in with us about 3 years ago and we all split rent 3 ways now. She is very narcissistic and tends to argue about any little thing she doesn't want/like happening. My brother generally bends over backwards to avoid fights with her while I tend to stand my ground so as to not have to tiptoe around since we are all adults (24-26 years old) and we should all be able to have our way from time to time. Anyway, about 4 years back, before she moved in with us, my brother and I decided to get a cat since they are relatively low maintenance and it would've been nice to have around the apartment just for comfort. We get a cat, litterbox, everything else, bring her home and let her explore and get used to the place. His girlfriend comes over and bitches about it not showing her enough attention and only trying to hide under the bed. Despite my arguments that it takes time to get used to a new home, my brother breaks and we return the cat the next day. It broke my heart having to take it back and I've never forgave her for that.
​
Fast forward to her living with us for about 6 months. She wants a dog. I see it as an opportunity to have some kind of pet, even though its not a cat like I want. Her and myself go and get a dog. The dog is nice and fun but she quickly turns to hating it; doesn't want it to roam the house because it might mess something up, doesn't want to let us play with it inside because we are too loud when we play with the dog, etc. She talks about getting rid of the dog, but now my brother is attached to it and won't let her get rid of it. We still have the dog.
​
I've wanted a cat since we got rid of the last one. I was always more attached to cats growing up and being alone most of my time outside of work, I wanted a companion to spend time with. I'm social and all but still an introvert and like spending time at home. Every time I've tried to get a feline friend, it turns into a huge argument between me and my brother girlfriend. She had some run-in with a shitty cat when she was young and just hates them. I concede most times due to my brother talking it out and convincing me to wait.
​
Fast forward to 4 months ago. Our old lease was expiring soon and I was considering breaking off to get my own place. They approach me about leasing a house together. Its a benefit to us all because of the money it saves us while giving us a whole house to live in. I make one major stipulation for my name being on the lease: I'm able to get a cat. She has blocked me in the past from getting one by talking to the landlord about how shitty cats are and how they shouldn't be allowed, but this time I get the okay right away from our leasing company. They say fine, I can get a cat, but I have to wait a little while after we move in so everyone can get adjusted to the house first. We move in and roughly 3 months have passed without me bringing it up.
​
Until yesterday. I went to look at a cat at a local shelter. While I'm driving I get bombarded with texts about how they'll never allow me to get a cat and we don't need anymore animals in the house. I'm almost 25 years old and feel like I'm being treated like a child here. My mother advised me I should just go get a cat since they promised and I squared everything away with the leasing agency. Would I be an asshole for doing that despite them having backpedaled on their promise here? I feel trapped in the 1.5 year lease now that I've signed away on it and the one thing I asked them for is being reneged.
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
K7gELduLS0kyzn3oklSNqZcklJ7Co8Ub
|
9vofnt
|
{
"description": "getting upsate my uncle trying to help me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA by getting upsate my uncle trying to help me
|
Background Story:
I have not worked for a long time (3 years) because of the mental problems I experienced at the time
And lately the situation at home was not simple, and my relationship with my father was not always good
​
A few days ago, my uncle contacted me about the fact that he had to meet with me and talk to me about very important and urgent things (something unusual). I started to fear that the situation between the parents was not in the best condition, and I thought that maybe he was "preparing the ground" for something
When I got to the meeting he said he had asked my father what was happening with me and if I had a driver's license My father replied, "What are you talking about? He is not working for three years," and he decided to take me out of the situation I was in by arranging for me work and employment. (Which actually made me really angry about this whole thing) that he began to slip into very personal tracks that I think should not be asked by him but by my father (asked me about my sexuality, and if I was with a woman) And he also wanted to take me to an escort girl and get me a driver's license at his expense ... In short, he took me under his wing
And he said it would please my father by making me happy too
(My mental state in the recent period has improved and I feel that is already behind me and I am on my way to good things, and this irritated me even though it shows that my father does not know me and is not aware that the situation has improved)
The thing I was annoyed about was that my father was giving up trying to connect with me and / or help me in a certain way and the thing my dad might have sent him to get information about me instead of asking me directly
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
YWMTtSWGfHXH6oZpNVBti2BTwT1pID3l
|
avo7wi
|
{
"description": "not inviting my parents to my band/theatre preformance",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not inviting my parents to my band/theatre preformance?
|
This semester I enrolled in my schools band program due to the instructor who's other art classes I take asking me to join because he needed someone to play saxophone. I said yes because he is my favorite teacher and it would get me out of a class I don't like. Anyway this semester he decided that instead of just band preforming that he would combine the work of all the classes he teaches into one event displaying k-6 Art, High school digital media, and theatre. This means that my involvement in the event would be increased alot from basically nothing to some of my photography being auctioned off to raise funds to support the programs, playing in the band and even preforming as a lead in a minor theatre skit.
In previous semesters my only involvment in these things was basically as an assistant helping when needed doing whatever it takes to make the event run smoother. I never did any actual performing. I never told my parents that they should come to these preformances. This semesters program rolls around and I dont tell them anything other than that I am helping out and I'll catch a ride home from a friend as usual. Then today I was tagged in a few pictures on Facebook from the preformance by friends from the class and because my parents follow me on Facebook they saw the pictures and where upset and "hurt" that I didnt invite or tell them what I was actually doing that night.
Some background Info on my reasoning for not telling them- My parents are typically hermits who dont like to leave the house unless they need to. Then during previous events they are always pressuring me to leave asap or not wanting to go at all and in general just ruining the experience for me. One example is last years awards night at my school where they announce the winners of the student council elections and because I ran for office it was required that I be there then half way through my mom gets a headache and decided that we had to leave right then and there. I refused because I put alot of effort into my campaign and If I left it would forfeit. I won but got my ass chewed for making them wait twenty minutes. Then during my classes photography showing they didnt make it because they were to tired. Then the worst event is when my school held a "fasfa night" to help teach seniors how to apply for student loans going into college and naturally parents were required for the event. They were irritated afterwards because we could have technically done it from our house. So after that I decided to save my self the stress and stop involving them in things.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
e2rGGXcIX14tg5VeeiZWxFGgSFotUiNi
|
ajrd1c
|
{
"description": "walking away when a homeless woman asked me for medication",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for walking away when a homeless woman asked me for medication?
|
I had to push my bike for a couple of metres because the path went through a passage through a mall, and at the exit there was a homeless woman with a dog collecting money in a coffee cup. She looked sad and her dog was cute so I gave her the spare change I still had in my pocket (like 1€). She said thank you and asked for more, but I said I didn’t have any more money, even though I still had a 10€ note in my backpack. Then she said I would probably have a credit card and I should go to the pharmacy across the street and buy her some cold medication. I COULD have done that, but I had a place to get to and wasted half my pocket money on a Godzilla shirt this month, and anyways, I just said “I’m sorry” and walked away, with her calling “pleaaaaase” after me. Am I the asshole for not helping her?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
dXfq0zJIEwpUjXTlqCwxlHaarcBpY3tL
|
age87g
|
{
"description": "being angry that my BF didn't give me a gift on my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for being angry that my BF didn't give me a gift on my Birthday?
|
My birthday was last week, my boyfriend of five years came downstairs and wished me a happy and that was that, no gift, no card.
I was half hoping he'd bring something out later and half already depressed and hurt that the person who means the most to me didn't even bother to get me anything.
My mood was only compounded by the horrible cold I had so I spent most of the day feeling pretty miserable but trying to put on a happy act for my mother who was doing anything she could to make it a good day.
Had it just been the two of us I would have said something by early evening at the latest, But I didn't want to start a fight with him on my birthday in front of my mother, so I just sulked a fair bit in his direction (and he noticed)
Once my birthday was officially over and it was just the two of us, I asked him "How could you not get me anything?"
At this point he said "Because I ordered you 'thoughtful perfect gift' from overseas! and it takes forever to get here!
At that point I felt like shit and went to bed,
But was I the asshole in this situation?
Had things been the other way around I would have gotten him a nice card and something smaller as a token until his real gift arrived or at very least i would have freaking told him his gift hadn't arrived yet!
But he didn't say anything, As far as I knew he wasn't intending on getting me anything.
I got the gift today and I kind of felt like I had been an ungrateful asshole because it was so nice, But he didn't give me anything on my actual birthday and I wouldn't be shocked if he ordered it far too late to ever arrive on time.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
lm4QzqXHArsakM7WefeXRtAKKitv833V
|
a2yu5f
|
{
"description": "feeling terrible for not winning award",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Feeling Terrible For Not Winning Award?
|
Alright, so, quick context.
My school gives a series of awards to many of the seniors depending upon the number of things that they have accomplished over their high school years.
Everyone expected me to win the "all-rounder" award. I've held the most leadership, lead the most initiatives, and worked the most and the longest to improve my institution (apologies for the not-so-humble brag).
However, one thing I have not done was try to win awards, mainly because of how self-centred I considered them. Not that anyone who aims to improve themselves by winning competitions is bad or wrong, it's just that that really wasn't my thing. I was and still am more of a "let's make changes and start clubs so that all of us can learn and grow" kind of person–– I headed 5 societies in my school: student govt, debate, theatre, technical, and orchestra and participated in videography, model UNs, and quizzing. (again, not-so-humble bragging, sorry).
My dear institution, therefore, decides to ask for all our certificates and uses that as the SOLE criteria for judging a student for awards. And I end up with nothing–– not even an acknowledgement for ANY of it. EIGHT goddamn years of staying till 7 PM to try to organize festivals and club meetings and raise funds and whatnot while the teachers did nothing but relax, eight years fo constantly grinding myself and just... nothing. I'm pissed, because I feel like I deserve at least something.
I don't hate anybody who won, they're all my friends and are incredible people and totally deserved their awards. And five years later, I know I won't care at all, but right now I feel hurt. The ceremony is today, and I've been called because I'm the school captain. I know I'm being painfully petty but I really don't want to go.
Am I being an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
LUBniWxed7zC5BhfDB28apktSseIvBTV
|
b3q618
|
{
"description": "asking my friends to stop discussing sex",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for asking my friends to stop discussing sex?
|
I'm a flexible asexual. Basically, sometimes I'm entirely ace, fully repulsed by sex to the point of being physically sick when it's brought up. This can last anywhere between a few days, to a few weeks or even months at a time.
I was going through a period of this when 2 of my friends in a large group chat starting getting into the nitty gritty details of some experience one of them had just had. No one else was engaging and I gently asked them not to discuss it in the group chat as it was making me highly uncomfortable and asked if they could use their private chat instead.
They laughed it off and continued. More firmly, I asked them to stop. At this point the rest of the chat chimed in and proceeded to bombard me with highly sexual things, making me incredibly uncomfortable and no one was listening when I begged them to just stop.
I left the chat, to which they added me back in immediately. This continued for about 20mins before I stopped leaving the chat and just muted it instead and didn't talk to them for a week.
Am I the asshole for asking 2 people who were essentially spamming the chat to take their conversation elsewhere, for leaving the chat once everyone took the piss on me for even being ace, and then ignoring them until I was ready to speak to them again?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
0AExznOtJzFY1OMHbiMGOkDwByoot9Wn
|
adsedv
|
{
"description": "not coming to my friend's birthday party because I feel anxious at parties",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not coming to my friend's birthday party because i feel anxious at parties?
|
my friend had a birthday party and invited 10 people. not that much, but i still hate social situations and am really socially awkward. i'm not diagnosed, but there's a chance that i have mild or not mild social anxiety.
i just couldn't come to her party. i was so anxious and afraid that i ended up staying home.
next day when she asked me why i wasn't there i lied and told her that i'm sorry and i was really busy.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
Dnepc5cLQe6I9GsYxYnSDKCXfHRH8sNy
|
ao53bl
| null |
AITA for my reaction to this girl and her boob job?
|
Hi all, throw away account but long time lurker on my main account. It's a bit of a silly one which happened years ago but I'm curious as other people told me I wasn't very 'nice' but I didn't really care. Thinking back on it, I may have been a bit harsh, but wondered what you guys thought.
​
I was at a music festival - a medium sized one which has a reputation for being a bit messy, but also very friendly. It was the evening, we were getting drunk, and everyone was having a good time. Myself and four of my guy friends (I'm a woman) were milling around, on our way to one of the music tents when these two girls who looked in their early twenties (a couple of years younger if not the same age as me at the time) which is fine, I love meeting new people at festivals. One of them blurts out - the very first thing out of her mount - 'Hi, my name is 'X' and I've had a boob job!'
​
As much as I love meeting new people, I'm usually quite quiet, don't really say something unless it's worth saying kind of thing (even after a few drinks), but just opened my mouth and responded with 'Oh - did you get them reduced?' (honestly, they looked like a B cup, nothing amazing).
​
She didn't say anything but looked shocked, made small talk with the guys I was with, and then left. I was told that was mean - maybe she was just insecure - but at the time I was of the thinking that if the first thing you can think of to say about yourself, the most interesting thing you have to say to a group of strangers is 'I've had a boob job', I don't really see where the conversation is supposed to go after that or that we're going to have much to talk about.
​
As I said, at the time I was like 'whatever' but can now see how maybe it would have been better to just nod and smile, and not say anything at all. Was I the asshole, or even just a bit of a dick, or was that the sort of response that a statement like is kind of made for?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
lOPJWhT98IU1BsDtZiwMAsF3mo8MUeLM
|
ab6hwy
|
{
"description": "not spending time with my dad on New Year's Eve",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I don’t spend time with my dad on New Year’s Eve?
|
I’m 14 fyi
He came from Greece just to see me. He lives in Greece, and I live in a Scandinavian country. He visits sometimes in the year, and he came December 23rd and he’s going January 5th. We spent Christmas together and he gave me two books. I feel bad, because now I feel like I have to spend time with him. He says the only reason he is in this country right now, is because of me. And I haven’t even been out with him yet. I haven’t even showered or done anything. He messages me every day wanting to be with me, but I’ve declined a few times because I just can’t handle it. He wants to go out all the time and it’s stressing me out. I also can’t manage to get up, shower, being social and all that stuff.
I in all honesty think he is intrusive. If he wasn’t here I’m sure I would’ve showered and gone out for a walk. But his presence just makes it all so unbearable.
He lives in another apartment because my mother and him are separated. Yesterday he came home with food(and I’m really thankful for that btw) and I usually have a hard time eating food with others so I waiting for him to go until I would eat. But he didn’t go. I asked if it was okay if I started to eat now, and he said yeah sure, and I told him that I usually eat while watching something alone, and he still didn’t get the reference. I told him ok so is it okay if I go to my room. He said yeah yeah I’ll be waiting for you outside. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that I guess. I don’t even know why that made me feel so uneasy and annoyed.
So well, now I don’t want to spend New Years with him because I would much rather stay in my bed and do nothing. Like I’ve done for months now.
I have to try to see it from his perspective. He lives in another country, without his daughter, was happy to see her and has missed her.
So WIBTA if I don’t spend time with him and for my overall opinion about him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
0BeV2YVZQLRFy6Ol40fjffWdaR6ffWBk
|
a5eutz
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{
"description": "yelling at my father after the passing of our puppy",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For yelling at my father after the passing of our puppy.
|
Today my little buddy was struck by a car because he wasn't tied up. My old man let him out and didn't tie him up to the cord. I don't know what happened except I heard crying and when I went upstairs I found out what happened. This isn't the first time this has happened to our family. 4 years ago we lost another dog the same way. My father just would never listen to me when I told him to leash the dogs.
I loved both these puppies and now they are gone because of this idiot father of mine. I yelled at him that he should have tied the dog up or that he should have been watching the dog if he was unleashed but all my father said was "what's done is done. He's gone now." I stood up and looked him in the eye. I wanted to hit him in that moment. I wrapped up my little buddy in a blanket and told my father to leave us alone. AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ZrMHGEL2JQsg4lSOsb6s3Y3FkKEyOYgC
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axzt7t
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{
"description": "not wanting to help my mother out of her abusive relationship",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help my mother out of her abusive relationship?
|
Obligatory I'm on mobile and this is a throwaway account
Now, I realize the title sounds really bad - but there is a little background
I don't have a good relationship with my mother. She was manipulative and neglectful to me and my brothers, sometimes borderline abusive. She would often disappear for days at a time with her boyfriends and this became a larger issue when I was a teenager.
Its also worth noting that she has several physical and mental health issues, which I never blamed her for and I can understand it made raising children difficult, so I can't completely hate her.
She started seeing her now-husband when I was 14, and he moved in with us shortly after they started dating. We all got evicted from our home when I was 15, which I later found out was due to him gambling our rent money away. After that I lived with family friends and my relationship with my mother has been hanging by a thread ever since. I wasn't invited to their wedding.
Over the years that they have been together, he has kicked her out of their house on several occasions, cheated on her, been in jail multiple times for drug possession and physical abuse (from a previous relationship) charges, gambled their rent money, threatened to leave her, and hit her. Whenever this happens, I have become the good daughter and come to my mother's side regardless of my shaky relationship with her and listened to her cry about the things he's done, tell me about how she needs help finding an apartment and she is going to divorce him, done what I can to support her, and then watched her immediately forgive him when he walked in the door.
So when I got the text from my brother that her husband had hit her, I didn't really care to do anything.
Now I understand that abusive relationships are incredibly hard to get out of. At the same time, it's incredibly frustrating and emotionally draining to me to see this happen over and over again. We don't speak to each other, and when we do it's the same broken record. I have had plans of cutting her out of my life completely when I graduate college because I don't feel comfortable having her in my life, but at the same time I feel guilty for not jumping to help her.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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RQFAjxO8UrJ4eTcys6pSp2V8wb7pfw7i
|
ar1f6s
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{
"description": "ghosting a guy",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting a guy?
|
This has happened awhile ago and I'm curious what you people think of it.
A guy I don't know sent me a message on facebook and since he was friendly I answered him. He was quick to get to the point and wrote that he would like to get to know me and if we could meet. To make it clear: I never agreed to meet with him. We only wrote for a few minutes and for a bit the next day and I said that we could maybe meet in the future but I would like to get to know him a little before I agree to anything.
However, because the picture he used was somewhat familiar I showed it to a friend who recognized him because a girl we know has been "friends" with him a few years ago. I asked the girl about him and to make it short: he was very pushy, got agressive (mostly insults) and posessive when she met with other guys (they were not together) and willing to cheat on his girlfriend. She told me that he could have changed since then but that he was a creep when she knew him and warned me to be cautious.
I decided to ignore him because I was no longer interested and because he would probably demand a reason why I changed my mind. I didn't feel like lying and wouldn't tell him the truth because he might get angry at the girl.
So I know I'm not an asshole for cutting the contact of, but am I for ignoring his messages without an exlanation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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znBAnR0rwLbupwZnEUaeLH9vr4LMf5jT
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args84
|
{
"description": "confronting a friend for joking about having a crush on a minor",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for confronting a friend for joking about having a crush on a minor?
|
In SK it's considered desirable to have a youthful look (smooth skin, bright eyed, slim, look at kpop) and I have a close friend(22f) who keeps joking about having a crush on a family friend that is 17 this year. Some info is retracted for privacy sake.
I know she is joking. While he is conventionally attractive I know she doesn't mean it because of history. She always picks guys that are out of reach (one way or another) as an object of affection so she has a reason to not take it too seriously and not find real connection with people around her. It was always a topic we joke around with before but this for me crosses the line.
She mentioned it once in a while jokingly and I kept telling her to stop but she keeps bringing it up. Last week I snapped and was a lot harsher about not saying stuff like that when I'm around and she took it really badly. She's really sensitive these days and while I understand I wanted to draw the line for my sake too. I was very blunt.
She has issues with being confronted and has a lot anxiety problems. After confronting her properly she had an episode and just imploded. I'm not sure if confronting her was the right thing to do specially if it was just a joke. We haven't spoken since.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
2ylX2iZAM0jwxsj1QDtMaMGt7ZeUe24p
|
amowlw
|
{
"description": "cutting someone out of my life at a moments notice with no explanation to them",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For cutting someone out of my life at a moments notice with no explanation to them?
|
So, I cut my ex out of my life almost instantaneously within the past few weeks, months after we broke up and tried to remain friends, and I can't help feeling like I'm overreacting and its really my fault. I'll throw a tldr at the bottom but otherwise...
So, within the past year I moved in with my ex to escape a family situation that left me in the psych ward and with a lot of stress issues. At the time it was only temporary, it was 4 people in a 2 bedroom house, and we had plans to move out and find somewhere better once I got a stable job.
Until then, I was helping out by providing food to them-- All of which seemed to disappear days after I'd buy it. This wouldn't be abnormal, except I was facing an eating disorder and ate little to nothing, and 2 of the others were rarely ever home, leaving my ex as the only culprit. And we're talking Costco bulk food here.
Everytime I'd order food my ex would complain about the stuff I'd order. He was tired of eating: Mac and Cheese, chicken nuggets, riceroni, ramen, etc. so it made buying decent bulk items really hard...
It frustrated me, but I tried to work with it as I was sort of living with them rent free.
Once I got my job a lot changed in the house.
I was working with people who couldn't look after themselves travelling about 8 hours every day to and from work, 9-5 essentially, and it was really exhausting to me.
I'd come home and everyone would ignore me. Even my ex. I would sit in the living room and cry while everyone just walked past me. My depression begun flaring up from all the work and home stuff (not to mention I was sleeping on the couch for a good amount of my time there) and it was beginning to really affect me.
But my ex didn't seem to care.
He got upset at me for now greeting him whenever he cam home from his 3 hours of college, often wouldn't offer me any choice in joining on food orders, gold me he found it rude when I chose to skip an outing as my paycheck didn't come through and I had no money, etc.
He told me I had to talk to him when I had issues, but every time I did he would blame me for it or best case scenario, stare at me like a deer in the headlights.
And the kicker? Shortly after finally settling in, he decided he didn't want to move into a bigger place anymore. I was stuck in a 2 bedroom apartment, on the couch, with 3 other people in there.
We broke up on night after I had a particularly bad day. I was in the living room crying to who is my current partner right now about how everything was becoming too much for me. During my breakdown, I recieved a text from ex (who was in the other room) saying, "gonna be real with you chief, I don't think I can do this anymore."
He started telling me how it was my fault everyone was stressed, how I should have talked to him if I was upset, how he shouldn't have to be responsible to check on me if I don't come to him etc. He even messaged my current partner (who I was crying to) asking what was wrong with me before he ever messaged me.
(My current partner told him he had to talk to me and that they weren't going to say what was wrong unless he went. He blew up at me about how "I don't need them being all condescending to me")
I only apologized, hoping he would stop, but he didn't. I got upset, explained why I wasn't comfortable coming to him, that I'm sure my current partner didn't mean it rudely, that I was sorry I upset him, and all we ended up agreeing on was that it was best I move out with my whole $10 to my name.
We made up before I left, literally only a few hours before I caught a ride back to my family.
But recently we had a disagreement again.
We were playing a multiplayer game and he was insulting our support most game. It had got on my nerves, but I tried to remain focused.
At one point my system shut off without warning. I rejoined the game to see everyone getting utterly destroyed, and my ex making a bad call in game. He started insulting me for messing up on his bad call and getting him killed, telling me I should have "stayed disconnected"
I only responded "lol whatever"
After the game, I took a few minutes to calm down before going to apologize. I said I was sorry , that I got upset and didn't have the ability to follow through on his call and tried to calm down in game.
He told me that I should "learn to detilt" in game like him.
I informed him he was actually the one getting upset more than me, that it was his fault J was getting upset.
"This is why no one likes to play with you xd" he wrote.
I said that once to him, after he blew up at me in the same game, but his current partner and several other people told me they didn't like that he got so mad and that's why the often stopped playing with him.
I was really tired of having every time I went to apologize turn into "this is why you're a bad person", "this is why it's your fault", "I'm better than you, see?"
So I just wrote "lol k", and blocked him on everything.
He wrote about how I was petty for doing that, how I couldn't take criticism, but I genuinely see it as "why should we be friends if neither of us enjoy each other's company anymore?"
But I'm paranoid.
I worry I was in the wrong for this and I genuinely don't know if it's a result of emotional abuse and manipulation that I'm either twisting this super hard or if I'm feeling guilty cause I'm not... used to not having someone step over me if that makes sense? I guess I just need an outside perspective on this...
TL;DR My ex constantly twisted every argument to make it my fault, took advantage of my buying food for the entire house, had me sleeping on the couch in a small apartment with 3 other people, broke up with me via text while I was in the next room crying on the couch mid break down ("Gonna be real with you chief, I don't think I can do this anymore"), we made up, got into another argument after he got upset, purposefully upset me, then took a high ground and told me not to get upset so easily. I blocked him on everything. He called me petty for not wanting to deal with this anymore.
Am I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ZQr6NoAziYo7bort8kLN2I5s2VwlwpGN
|
abnxcm
|
{
"description": "getting pissed at and blaming my brother's girlfriend for my spiralling mental health",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for getting pissed at and blaming my brother's girlfriend for my spiralling mental health?
|
Just a bit of relevant background first. I've been working through some self-image and mental health problems, and have recently taken the opportunity of being on holiday to expose myself to situations that are difficult for me to try and build tolerance. These include: taking spontaneous pictures and leaving the house without prepping too much (beyond good hygiene).
During this time I've been traveling with family. I had considered this to be a good time to practice these things, especially as exposure is limited to strangers and family.
However, a few hours ago my brother's girlfriend posted quite a few less than appealing tagged pictures of me (and other select family members) without asking permission to do so beforehand. This has led to me to spiral badly to a point where I haven't been for a long time, after putting in a lot of hard work.
AITA for blaming and wanting to yell at her for this deterioration?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
Z4i828fQkTQW8Rt3ha81Ms16kJ9fKELP
|
at3wxr
|
{
"description": "wanting different things from different girls",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting different things from different girls
|
I just moved to my own house and living alone I get really horny sometimes. So this week I decided to install Tinder to see what happened. Every girl I had interest in I sent a message saying like "I'm only looking for sex, if you're interested let me know". Like two days in I matched a really funny girl and we talked for two days. I've never said to her that I was only looking for sex cause I felt something different with her.
At the third day she says that he hates that I've been lying to her and sends me a screenshot from one of her friend's tinder were I say the usual to her.
I try to explain to her that sex was my initial goal but I liked her for something more serious but of course she doesn't believe me.
I don't want validation. I feel pretty stupid for ruining something special because of my sexual desires. But thinking about it I didn't lie to her, I just wanted something different from her that with regular girls. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
PoxQeLfDPZybbYuGYuXpOfaCZNkymLSJ
|
a66yhq
|
{
"description": "not allowing my 11-year-old daughter to have a boy sleep over our house",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not allowing my 11-year-old daughter to have a boy sleep over our house?
|
As I said, my daughter’s 11 and her friend group ranges 11-12. It’s mainly girls but there is one boy that I have seen around.
She’s having a sleepover to celebrate her birthday this weekend. She invited the boy to the party but the plan was (or so I thought) that he would leave around 10 pm.
The boy’s mom called me last night to confirm that the boy (I’ll call him Tom) could sleep over. I said there must have been some miscommunication and I thought that she was picking up Tom at 10. I told her that if transportation was a problem my husband or I could drive Tom home.
Tom’s mom said that the issue was Tom wanted to stay over and would be let down if he had to go home. (Again, I don’t know why she thought he was sleeping over, since I made it clear on the invitation what was expected. We will have a couple other boys over who are the kids of family friends and they will also be leaving at 10 pm!).
It was a sort of awkward conversation to say the least. But she ended up saying she would come to pick up Tom after the party.
To be honest, even if I was inclined to have Tom sleep over, I doubt husband would go for it. But I’m starting to wonder if I did something wrong here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
MFSoLcLufOCGaDH3Xpl25yMmb5skYGra
|
av03ru
|
{
"description": "not wanting to drive around my cousins wife",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to drive around my cousins wife?
|
A little back story. (English is not my first language so I will try my best)
So my cousin got married almost two years ago.
When I first met his wife, I thought she was great. But now after two years of knowing her I know that she is not a good person and that she uses people around her. It took me a while to realize that because I see good in people most of the time. We live in a big house so my neighbors are my two uncles and their family and my aunt her husband and my grandma. We've always been connected and we always celebrate together for example our birthdays. It's not a big celebration we usually bake a cake and drink coffee together. This summer it was my father's 60th birthday so I baked him a cake we ordered a few pizzas and we made him blow out candles and everything just for fun haha my cousins wife was inside the house we called her a few times to come and eat the cake but she didn't. She didn't even wish my dad a happy birthday. Sometimes she doesn't even say hello when she sees us. ⏩ To today. She works maybe 30 minutes away by foot. But she doesn't want to walk so she calls me all the time to give her a lift since I'm not working at the moment. That wouldn't be such problem if there weren't 2 buses she could take to go to work (buses are more common than Uber in our country)
She offered to pay me for the lift 3 dollars a day. I said that I don't want to take her money and the inconvenience of having to be free because I need to take her to her job. But she continued to ask me for the lift but without paying.
Today she asked me what I'm doing this afternoon. I said that I'm studying for my college to what she replied "oh nothing important then can you give me a ride".
Am I in the wrong here? She literally contacts me only when she needs a lift.
If it was some extreme situation like 1 o clock in the morning and she needed a lift of course I would help her, but this seems like she's taking advantage of me and I don't know how to say no. I tried today and failed miserably.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
6YTg8ljm2dOSZfOKa4IVQVTk8WXLoGyv
|
aytmjs
|
{
"description": "being sad that my boyfriend will have to work when I get to see him after 8 months",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being sad that my boyfriend will have to work when i get to see him after 8 months?
|
hello, I'm in a ldr with my boyfriend for one and a half years now. The distance is Germany and USA. The last time i saw him was in August last year for two weeks and the next time will be in April. He works currently for a company with a contract, that means if he doesn't work, he will get no money at all. We thought he has sick days or some vacation time he can take but apparently it's not possible. I will be in the US for one and a half weeks and we planned a lot of things we will do together but half of them are not possible anymore. He has the option to not work but then he won't get any money and i feel like an asshole if i want to have him with me during the week. I was okay with him working on the first days I'm there but i wanted to spend time with him on the week after. Now I'm just sad that he won't be there half of the day. Am i the asshole feeling like this or would I be the asshole if I told him that I will help him with any money problems if he doesn't work and spends time with me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
kzaIJ0W6ZUg5HEXQHwmeIk5YFgJXWCHn
|
a6atx8
|
{
"description": "returning an item and using the store credit to buy something unrelated",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for returning an item and using the store credit to buy something unrelated?
|
This may seem like a dumb post, but the way the cashier reacted made me feel like crap and I haven’t worked in retail, so I’m not sure if I violated some unwritten rule.
I buy my dogs higher end food that I normally have to get through specialty stores, as big chains like PetCo don’t carry the brand. The store I go to I believe is a locally owned business with only two locations. Everything is eligible for return (including food), but they only offer exchanges or store credit on a gift card, no cash back.
I recently went to look for a head collar for my dog. They didn’t have the brand I wanted so I bought another one assuming that they’re generally all the same, and I’d seen good reviews on this brand as well. I asked a manager to reassure me that if it didn’t fit, I could return it, and he said that as long as it wasn’t damaged and returned in the packaging, I could return it, no questions asked.
Ended up not liking the head collar. It didn’t fit quite right on my dog and I believed would have caused him some pain if he were to pull while wearing it, which is the exact opposite of what I want. I went to return and there were 2 cashiers in the store, both super friendly throughout the whole process. I explained it just didn’t fit, and when they asked if I wanted to exchange it for a different size, I mentioned that I preferred a different brand and they said they didn’t carry those, so they just put the return on a gift card. I went to see if maybe there was another option, but it turns out, they only had the one brand I didn’t like. Not a big deal, my dogs were running low on food anyways, so I figured I’d pick them up a bag while I was there.
When I went to check out, the cashier asked me if I’d like to pay with debit or credit card. I said I wanted to use the gift card and pay the rest with cash. My cashier looked at the other one and scoffed and was suddenly not friendly to me at all. As soon as I was done paying, there was no “thank you, have a nice day”. Just an eye roll and they both promptly walked away towards the back. I could hear them both whispering as they walked away. Normally they offer to help carry large purchases to your car as well, but I wasn’t offered help.
I didn’t think that if I got a gift card from a return, it would have to be used for a similar product, especially when they only offer one brand. It’s essentially still my money since I paid for the original product, correct? Everything was fine up until that point so I don’t know if there’s some unwritten rule against what I did (like when I was a barista, we’d get annoyed at customers who would order 5 blended drinks 2 minutes before we closed because we’d already cleaned the blenders).
This is the second time this has happened (I once returned a bag of food because I didn’t realize there was a hole in it and they’d just put tape on it. I didn’t want to risk feeding it to my dogs. Returned it, used the store credit and bought some treats and toys) where everyone is super friendly, greets me on the way in, super helpful with the return, then gets irritated when I use the store credit for something unrelated.
Am I an asshole? Or are they just being judgmental?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
l5aKtwriiPeu82GnPWWYsCrNO82YN2xV
|
apnj86
|
{
"description": "accepting a job in the entertainment industry that my girlfriend disapprove",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accepting a job in the entertainment industry that my girlfriend disapprove?
|
Hi everybody, first post here, desperately seeking to be judged by strangers.
Little background: I (23M) am a professional photographer (and economics graduate) and from a year and a half work for a marketing company, a pretty big and famous one in my country. The company started really small, two years ago, I was with them from the beginning more or less, I’ve seen them growing up incredibly fast.
Now the company is starting to work with the television, reality shows, tv series etc. My girlfriend (24F) is a dentistry student and an actress/model in the spare time(she was “on the wave” two-three years ago).
Today my boss called me after some weeks during which I was not answering his texts because I got finals at university (master degree). He said that they got a job for me, there is a new influencer (3mil+ followers) in the company that needs photos and they want to me to do that.
It’s worth to point out at this moment that I don’t “just take photos”, I am part of the marketing process, doing network, speaking with potential customers, being a liar sometimes (trying to be honest with you tho) and for those skills I always end up to never be substituted for other people, even if I tend to disappear or to work at my own pace and rules.
Moreover, I have some side deals with them such as doing their personal shopper. Plus, and this is very important, I have the feeling that if I say no another time to the company, they will just stop calling me for working.
I was excited to have the opportunity to take those photos. Good money, good exposure, a really nice impression with my boss, good possible future connection.
Immediately after saying yes, I text my gf to tell her the news. She was immediately upset, saying that that world sucks, people in the entertainment industry are shits, women are bad as hell and so on...
We get in a fight over facetime and she has those crazy eyes of a jealous girl, and insist in telling me that she knows those people and they are bad and my reputation will be hurt by that.
She insist saying that I don’t need those people and I should say to my boss that I don’t want this job, he will not fire me in her opinion.
Problem is: she worked and still works in that world, and I find it to be hypocritical from her to limit me in this way, especially when I am a total trustworthy guy who know how to behave and have a good experience in manipulate people for business purpose. How could I be “seduced” by “beautiful bad women” when
1. I’m not really of any relevance or influential or famous
2. broke and ugly
3. totally in love with my gf that I want to marry and die with?
How could I be seduced by the “celebrity” if I never wanted it neither I’m looking for it?
Am I the asshole to telling her that I want this job, I need the money and I will do it?
p.s. sorry for the broken english, not my native language and I’m really tired and stressed out. I’m really sorry also for the formatting and the telenovela-style narration. Love ya
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
MhFnPwhbJsuEuLvpN5sUu3l63gx2VNJb
|
b6asro
|
{
"description": "wanting to go out with friends in the night",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to go out with friends in the night
|
So last night I went out with my friends and we had to drop off my friend to his house early which resulted in me being 20 minutes late past my curfew. My parents are all upset that I was 20 minutes late. I currently have spring break and I work 8 hour shifts at work during the day and don't get to sleep in. Then I go out at night and try and enjoy the 2-3 hours I can and repeat. I do understand that I was 20 minutes late but the roads were wet and I was not about to tell my friend to race to my house trying to endanger all of us for no good reason. I would understand if I was late because of my poor planning but unexpected events came up and it was out of my control. I am doing this to try and prove a point to my parents. My parents are treating me like I came home drunk and high in the back of a cop car. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
b86AlR7D9Co8vqU3Tb7ch7RJfPIImP5j
|
a0nd6k
|
{
"description": "inquiring why one friend ghosted me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA Inquiring why one friend ghosted me?
|
Within my group of friends, there is one girl who's name is Blue and two other gentlemen by the name of Gray and Green. We all live scattered around the U.S. and Britain, so online communication is primarily online. Green and Blue used to be in some form of long distance relationship, but are not any longer and largely just friends as far as I'm aware. Gray and Blue are apparently close now, to the point where Gray goes off unhinged whenever Blue is upset in any way.
Over the course of the summer, my friendship had been deteriorating with Blue and Gray slowly. Some of the things were how I was apparently sexist for questioning Blue, how I was apparently obsessed with her for naming something after her, and apparently not knowing she was upset. It escalated into arguments where they would both team up against me, because they don't want to even consider my words. No one ever went out of the way to tell me something was wrong, and instead waited until the next day to tell me. I felt ashamed and disrespected because of it. They then slowly started implementing new things to not get me to act up, which only infuriated me more and more until it somehow got decided that not telling me anything at all about problems was for the best. It got to the point where college started back up for me and I couldn't hang out on a frequent basis anymore.
What happened a few days ago is that something happened between all three of them. I don't know if Green exploded onto Blue about still having feelings, if Blue realized she had feelings for Green still, or if Gray decided to rage about. I don't know because no one will tell me anything. All I know is that Blue's upset, because she's offline and because Gray is raging. She has refused to respond to any of my messages for the last couple of days, checking in to see if she's okay. Gray is obsessed with saying that it doesn't concern me, that I'm only doing it because 'I desire her'. I do have a crush on her, but she's a good friend of mine that's in trouble and if somethings happening I want to know what it is and calm this paranoia running through my head. Do they feel so indifferent about me that they'll leave me in the dark and let my worries eat me inside? She doesn't even talk much to me anymore, mostly just to Gray or Green. I hate not knowing what is going on, why everyone suddenly gets upset, goes offline, refuses to talk to me or anything at all. I'm wondering what I should even do anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
9qy7jHU1dAW6vnpdkAzUvD88fYWigggh
|
b3s0bf
|
{
"description": "not wanting to deal with cloth diapers",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to deal with cloth diapers?
|
My wife and I are expecting our first child this summer and she is full on the cloth diaper train, I think its gross. She has a kid from another relationship, but really didn't get a lot of support with him, so our son is ending up being the "all the things i wanted to do" kid. I don't really have a problem with any of the things she wants to do, except for the cloth diapers. I get its cheaper, but i have no problem spending the extra money to just be able to throw them away, and not deal with having to wash them.
My wife has assured me that she is going to be doing all the washing of the diapers, but I know her...when we watched my daughter's dog for a summer she said that she would do all the feeding and walking, but i inevitably ended up doing the majority of it. She said she would do the laundry if i handled the dishes, but i end up doing the laundry( i don't mind that one really, i like folding clothes) We had a conversation and i told her if this ends up being one of those things that you say you are going to do, but i end up doing it, i'm going to the closest Wal-Mart and buying a pack of Pampers, because i'm not going to be washing shitty cloth diapers.
​
I don't have an issue with changing the diapers...it's just washing them.
Am I The Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
lAPaBAbFAa4otvDQtGlqPWePzHK1z2Yj
|
9vorcy
|
{
"description": "hating my (probably) autistic friend's habits",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hating my (probably) autistic friend’s habits?
|
I say probably because no way is her family going to test her for it. She has self-stimulation habits (masturbating through pressure) some facial tics (odd noises) little/no social grace (no understanding of personal space, appropriate volume, wipes nose by running her hand over it upwards, told me she didn’t know how to blow her nose which I told her was bullshit but I wasn’t about to teach a 14 year old how in the middle of class, no table manners, spills food, one time dropped three plates of lemon meringue all over the floor in a row, she didn’t get another one, really picky eater...) the list goes on. It makes me cringe constantly and I feel disgusted. I want to respect her for her personality which I love, but feel like I can’t live with this shit anymore. If I stop talking to her about 15 people will be mad at me (our family friend group) mainly my best friend, who may stop talking to me in response and I’d never be able to deal. I’m just scared that one day I’ll end up bullied because I’m hanging out with an autistic kid.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ApQPkNoBML5pnWgRn3OIWmwNyrmeQv0e
|
awegz7
|
{
"description": "not responding to a text",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not responding to a text?
|
Backstory: I recently took a little time away from my girlfriend as she had very much so upset me by being crazy emotional and having disproportionate responses. After a week, we met up, I told her very nicely that she has to stop having such crazy reactions (not in those words) to minor things. She apologised, resolved to be nicer as it's been about 80-20% in terms of effort and love over the last week.
​
She had to return home (out of the city) as her cat was getting put down. As she left (after we spent two really nice days together, and a great date) and no we don't live together yet, I texted her saying I love you a ton, had a lovely time, and i'll call you after the cat situation so I can cheer you up. She responded with a lovely message that was essentially saying 'I love you too, had an amazing time, and have a lovely night.
​
I did not reply to this message for what was close to 24 hours. I loved her message but didn't see any need to message her back quickly, especially as she has had a go at me for wanting to have the last word sometimes. I messaged her in the evening, asked how she was, and after she replied, completely normally, saying i could call in a couple of minutes as she was about to get back home.
​
I spoke to her on the phone and did my best to cheer her up after the death of her long time pet. She eventually started acting strange and asked me why I didn't reply. I said I was busy with some other things and didn't see any pressing need as she didn't ask me any questions or demand anything. She was adamant that it was 'strange' and she thought that 'you think something is wrong' or that 'I didn't like her,' or that 'things weren't ok.' I then apologised for it but she continued to basically have a go at me. I told her that I disliked where this conversation was going, told her I loved her, had to repeat myself about four times as she was raising her voice and insulting me. I then hung up.
​
She messaged me multiple absuive messenges and again seemed adamant that I had done something horrible.
​
I don't particularly understand. I could understand that she thought it was rude, but was the kind of think we'd just spoken about her overreacting to less. I don't get it really though. Am I an idiot?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
4hfzHZt0XWpbjYcd4EM4Y5zoCfmLbuxF
|
a1ja0v
|
{
"description": "throwing a hissy fit over dog poop in my yard",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for throwing a hissy fit over dog poop in my yard?
|
The subdivision I live in is part of an HOA. The HOA rules prohibit people from leaving dog poop in yards. We even have signs everywhere saying to clean up after your dog. The cherry on the top is they installed these little poles that have poop bags in it.
Anyways I caught someone letting their dog poop in my yard. I thought they would clean it up but they walked away, I went outside and confronted the person. I told them to please clean it up and they ignored me. I rose my voice and the person finally responded to me and said they would come back. They did a couple minutes later and told me "its just poop, it's not a big deal" as they cleaned it up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Cp69n2DvhlNbvt71IFRpegxuYUX3qLtM
|
a1hsge
|
{
"description": "writing a friend off over a potential misunderstanding on my part",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for writing a friend off over a potential misunderstanding on my part?
|
Backstory:
So my friend (A) and I have gone to this music festival before (Rockfest in Quebec for those who are wondering) and mostly had a great time, besides her shitty not-boyfriend at the time. He was a bastard the whole weekend and really made it hard to fully enjoy the experience.
This festival takes place in June, and tickets go on sale in December/January. A and I decided to try again this year, and we agreed that I'd buy the 4 tickets since I had the highest limit on my card (4 of them plus camping and parking add up). We would split the costs down the middle, which we agreed was fair.
3 months later, my boyfriend and I broke up. So I ended up with an extra ticket.
The problem:
A and I were dead set on enjoying our experience, so who we brought was a big deal. We asked a few people we thought would be a good fit, but no one really said yes. So, I figured selling the ticket would be our best option. Since I bought them early, I got a deal, and could sell the ticket at regular price and actually make $20.
A insisted that we ask a girl (B) that we met at the previous Rockfest to join us. A kept in contact with B, B was good people, she would make the weekend fun etc. So, I agreed, as long as B payed her own way.
Unfortunately, B lost her job a week before we went, didn't even want to go anymore but A insisted. During this week and even at Rockfest, I still could have sold my extra ticket. But, like I said, A insisted. She offered to pay for B's gas, food and drink at Rockfest etc.
The Aftermath:
Surprise! It's been 6 months and B hasn't paid a cent back. Even with gentle reminders every few weeks (at first, I've given up on seeing money from her).
After 2 months of nothing from B, A and I talked about what to do and agreed it was fair to split B's costs, I even agreed to pay for some of the stuff A insisted on buying B, like gas. A literally said "you could have sold the ticket, but I wanted to bring B so I feel partially at fault"
So, it's been 4 months since we made that agreement, and she's paid me what she definitely owes me, but not B's portion. Now she thinks that I should foot the full cost, since I bought the "extra" ticket in the first place. It was "my responsibility" to handle it (yes, she said that to me).
She also said that it's been so long and I've paid off my credit card since then that "it doesn't really make a difference, does it?"
Keep in mind that she works full time, and I work part time (4-12 hours a week) while I'm in school.
I've basically written her off, there's a few other reasons that helped me make this decision, but this was the final push.
AITA though?
I'm just wondering, is she right though? AITA for expecting A to split the cost? I did agree to "selling" (lol) B the ticket, and I did say that B didn't have to worry about paying me back until she had a job again (I know this wasn't the smartest, but she has a kid and I felt bad). Still, I made that crappy choice. Am I misunderstanding this?
**TL;DR** friend and I agreed to split the costs of a 3rd "friends" idiot fee, friend has now decided that I need to foot the entire bill. I'm opposed to that and basically have written them off.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
NdBoDM534k7hDV3raXWu3u3US2PjdddE
|
altvst
|
{
"description": "asking my mother to leave my room",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for asking my mother to leave my room
|
So here goes the story, I was in my room listening to some music and browsing on my laptop while my mother was in the living room (right next to my room) doing her work-related tasks (typing mostly) on the laptop. Right after I guess finishing her task she entered my room and asked me in sort of a loving way about what was I listening to and made comments about the song which wasn't offensive or truly bad but as a person who likes isolation and hate when people give their unwanted opinions on the subjects I never ask them or want to be observed this truly annoyed me and angered me that she was listening and greatly observing what I was doing this whole time so I said to her, in an annoyed and arrogant tone to leave my room and shut the door as you go to which she said do not complain when I do the same with you later.
P.s I wasn't truly angry about the comment but the fact that she was spying on me as the volume was very low and one could barely listen to it and would need to greatly focus to listen what was it like from the living room.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
Wx4Rre0vdc0F6V9FEYIq0iLsbpFDd5at
|
az7xnq
|
{
"description": "trying to get my co-worker fired",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to get my co-worker fired?
|
Context: My job is to give citations in a downtown area of a certain city. My co-workers job is to fix the meters, collect money and be in the office during office hours. Me and my other co-worker who also gives citations have to text him whenever there’s an issue so he can fix it right away. The office is closed on Friday.
Okay now to the issue. He was given a schedule when to collect the money for which street. For example, Monday: A Street and B Street. Friday since the office is closed, he’s suppose to be out fixing stuff. Does he do this? No. I’ll often text him about a broken meter, doesn’t respond... I now include my supervisor in these text chats so whenever he doesn’t respond (which is every time) he calls him.
It’s really starting to annoy me because all he does is sit in the office watching YouTube videos. He’s admitted to sleeping. This pissed me off because since he doesn’t work on Saturday and I do, I have to do my job AND his job. I can’t write citations with broken meters.
We’ve told him he needs to fix meters on the spot so they can be quickly be running again. He doesn’t understand the point of that, he thinks it’s better to just leave an empty pole while it takes him a few days to fix. A few days? It literally takes 2 minutes. I remember I once told him a meter needs a battery, he told me “I’ll get around to it on Wednesday” 5 fucking days to switch a damn battery.
He was also told that if a part falls inside the pole, he needs to fish it out. He responded with “I didn’t sign up for this”.
Now for the mind blowing part, this man is 34 yo and doesn’t have a license. His dad drives him around. You might think he probably can’t due to a condition? Wrong. He’s fully able to and actually needs one to work his job. We have a cart we can drive around to fix the meters or carry heavy stuff since the downtown area is big. He’s been driving an insured street legal vehicle without a license and my boss doesn’t know. Not only that, the cart’s seat belt doesn’t work.
He’s been working for a month and he’s still “trying” to get a handbook for the driving test.
It doesn’t stop there. He’s suppose to add up all the money collected on Excel. He can’t do it... we’ve had someone come down from the next city over 3 weeks in a row. That’s 30min away.
What did I do?
He told me someone in the morning was complaining that he didn’t open the door and that he was sleeping. He just told him we are closed today and went back to doing nothing. So I created an email with a fake name and submitted complaints to the company in hopes that my boss looks at the security cams and sees him doing nothing and getting him possibly fired, demoted or replaced.
Am I an asshole for this? I’m literally doing his job now and not getting paid anything extra. If anything my boss will see that my citation average is starting to drop since I’m busy doing my co-workers job.
I want to add, I walk ~15mi a day. He walks 2 at most.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
H7mMUz2vtFEFdBMrHV3fnbPSQRFtspc6
|
ahf73a
|
{
"description": "calling someone out for being annoying despite having depression",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for calling someone out for being annoying despite having depression?
|
This involves 3 people who I will call by the animal names (besides myself)
Me - Me, also someone who has Aspergers. (it's gonna be relevant)
Wolf - The person I called out for being annoying. Apparently also has depression.
Lynx - The owner of the server in which it happened.
So how was Wolf annoying?
Wolf was nutorious for me for his depressive talk, not accepting any compliments, etc.
It wasn't a 1 time thing or something that just slips up from time to time, it was in almost every message I saw coming from them. I could literally enter any channel and the chances are the last thing they said was something like the things I said earlier.
It gotten so bad that I couldn't take it and called them out on the most populated channel, the #general (nobody was talking at the time).
I told them that they were annoying and that they were bringing the servers atmosphere down.
We were kind of arguing for a little bit with both Wolf and other members until Lynx stepped in and me and Lynx moved to DMs right after.
We continued to argue for a while, saying how this isn't acceptable behavior etc.
Lynx defended them by saying that they have depression and their life is... pretty rough.
I said that you can't use depression or any mental illness (I'm sorry if I used a wrong term) as an excuse, because I know this from experience as well. People already told me that my mental illness can only explain the behavior, but not excuse it.
I ended up being banned on Lynx's server and blocked by Lynx.
I'm still banned to this day, even though this whole thing happened half a year ago.
AITA = Am I The Asshole
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
9cygzPDCMoJFUsuASXfNo21f9g7biZ5x
|
b22rn8
|
{
"description": "not wanting my parents to lie about my age",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my parents to lie about my age?
|
We go out to eat at buffets a lot because we have a large family and it's generally cheaper to go to a buffet than a sit-down restaurant.
We usually go to a place called Golden Corral. They pay by age. (3-6, 7-11, and 12-15. Anything above is considered adult.) I am 14, my sister is 12, and my little brothers are 7 and 4. (I should add my sister is very short for her age.)
My mom will tell the register man or woman and say I'm 11, my sister is 7, and my brothers are 6 and 3.
This really bugs me because I don't want people to think I'm 12 years old. I don't know why, it just really annoys me, and no one else in the family gets annoyed by it.
TD;LR: My parents lie about my age to save money, AITA for not wanting them to do that?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
25aRiKEbJr5NNH8uio4YDzvNAEElrRt8
|
adkaml
|
{
"description": "not telling my boyfriend details about my traumatic past",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my boyfriend details about my traumatic past?
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
We've been dating for about 9 months. He's a wonderful, sweet, caring man who treats me well; this is our first significant argument.
I was seriously abused (sexually, mentally, physically) for my whole life growing up, quite especially harshly from age 4 to 16. I don't like to think about it much and I feel like I'm fairly well-adjusted and successful despite this. It's also not something I casually tell people, because in the past people immediately treat me differently, like I'm broken or going to fall apart at any moment. I hate the sympathy and the scrutiny and I think it's really none of anyone's business.
My abusers are related to me, and as such I nearly destroyed my family when I told my father and stepmother when I was 20. Since then, I've had very limited contact with my abusers, but they're still in my life and I see them around the holidays. I have them blocked on every form of social media and usually make myself scarce when they visit, which is rare.
I am (a bit understandably, I think) on edge whenever they're around. One of my abusers stopped by unexpectedly on Wednesday and I stayed at a friend's house during this time.
My friend, who is also close with my boyfriend, apparently made some offhand comment to him, like "She's staying at my place while so-and-so is in town, you know how it is." I think she assumed that I had already told my boyfriend, otherwise she wouldn't have said it.
Either my friend told him (possible, but unlikely, I trust her) or he jumped to a conclusion that happened to be correct (possible, he's extremely smart), and he asked if anyone in my family had ever "hurt me." I replied that my family has a messy history and I didn't want to get into it. He kept pressing me and pressing me and I got very snappish and said it was none of his fucking business and that if it was something I wanted his opinion on, or something he could help me with, I would tell him, but otherwise to back off.
He became very hurt and withdrawn and I felt guilty for yelling at him, so I apologized for raising my voice. He said he's extremely hurt that I don't trust him and that he would never hurt me. I eventually told him some very broad strokes about what happened to me (how long the abuse lasted, how I've gone to therapy and how it's the reason that I don't do certain things with my family) but didn't want to go into specifics or details.
I thought that would be the end of it, but now he's demanding to know exactly who and what happened to me, and I do not want to tell him. He says that it would be therapeutic to tell someone and that he has a right to know about my past because we're dating, and we've discussed the possibility of marriage in the future. He also said that until he knows exactly who did this to me, he doesn't want anything to do with my family, to which I tried to explain wasn't necessary, because my abusers are barely ever around and my dad has basically shunned them.
I feel like I'm perfectly justified in not wanting to tell him about the extremely painful and fucked up shit that happened to me, and he doesn't have a "right" to know anything except what I'm comfortable telling him. But my friend seems to think otherwise and she said that its at least partially my fault for not telling him sooner, and that I need to have better communication; I straight up told her that it's my choice on who or what I tell anyone about anything, and that he doesn't have a right to know about my past just because we're dating.
Am I the asshole for not telling him? I feel like I'm not but my boyfriend is super upset, which makes me feel like I am.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
yqp1AtPO5X46Bnpp3z7zGQip9tSZM5j2
|
b92i3j
|
{
"description": "eating smelly foods in my cubicle",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for eating smelly foods in my cubicle?
|
So, for starters, I have anosmia (the inability to smell). However, I'm fully aware that some foods smell very strong and often "bad" in many people's opinions. I work in a department made up of a bunch of small cubicles, so I'd imagine smell travels fast throughout the office. Am I being an asshole by eating foods such as reheated salmon, canned tuna, plain greek yogurt, cooked brussel sprouts, etc. in my cubicle on almost a daily basis knowing that many people do not like the smell of those foods?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
fQohAyPm3FjqQDhpTf3qcuIJ5R4AQ7fA
|
akxk4b
|
{
"description": "not letting a stranger use my phone",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting a stranger use my phone?
|
It was last week and I was on my way home. 11.30 pm, sitting in the tram and listening to some music. A lady, around 40-50 yo with a big suitcase approaches me and asks me something. As I remove my earphones she repeats: "Hello, I want to call my aunt and tell her where I'm going. Can I make a call with your mobile phone?". I was a bit surprised as 1) Everyone has a mobile phone where I live, 2) Wherever one is going, there probably is a phone and you can call from there, 3) Just generally had a bit of a weird feeling with the person. My conclusion was that the woman was either confused/crazy or tried to pull off some kind of scam. So I told her that I prefered not to (give her my phone). She then walks on mumbling "greedy asshole" or something.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
tE3HJe0qFOm4fvviLUEdDui6Sp9tGBwU
|
au25et
|
{
"description": "being upset at my girlfriend for sharing my past homelessness",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset at my girlfriend for sharing my past homelessness?
|
So, me and my girlfriend were shopping for some stuff, spending our Saturday really well, the mood was great, when we meet one of her friends in the same store. I don't hate her friend, in fact, I think she's pretty nice. We we're all shopping together when we started discussing how best to build a shelf. My girlfriend was saying how they did something similar during high school and asked if I did something similar, when her friend, well aware of how my humor was, dropped the line,
"I bet he wouldn't, he was homeless!"
Now it was obviously a joke and the way she delivered it, it made me want to laugh, but I never shared that with her. I had no idea how she knew this. Well, my girlfriend told me she had shared that with her, when she had asked "what my story was".
Well, the air kinda got awkward and I really couldn't do anything but kinda cringe and walk away. It just made me really uncomfortable that she had known this. After my girlfriend was done chatting she came to find me looking over some bubblegum and I explained why I was upset.
She took the stance that she didn't understand why it was a big deal. I had told others about it, why couldnt she? I explained that, yes, I had told others and yes, maybe my attitude was a joking one at the time, but I felt okay with that because I got to choose to tell them, it was up to me. When she did it, I felt like it was taking the choice away from me. I really did not want her friends to know this information as it's pretty embarrassing and shameful to me.
She responded with that her friends love me, which I do believe and that I shouldn't be ashamed, which I agree, but I feel like she wouldn't address the issue that she shared something kinda personal about me without at least telling me. I told her I wouldn't do that to her and she said she didn't care if I did.
She apologized but she's kinda cold and I can still tell she's bothered it. I love her with all my heart and I'm not worried if she'll break up with me over it since I know she loves me just as much. I'm not even mad since I didn't tell her this and I can't expect her to read my mind. What's done is done and I already got a memo page full of bad jokes and her favorite gummy snacks to make her smile again, but I just wanna know,
Was I an asshole for being bothered by this? It's bothering me a lot and I've never dealt with this before. Help me our?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
eHhWc81JfLF3hB2eVsTvfqYYxqHvyeNK
|
av9g49
|
{
"description": "refusing to give hickeys to my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to give hickeys to my boyfriend? (18f / 19m)?
|
So my boyfriend is a sucker for hickeys (no pun intended). He absolutely loves the feeling of them and every time I suck on his neck he fidgets and quivers like he’s having an orgasm. I really like giving them to him because it makes him so happy, but I also really don’t like the fact that people know that I gave it to him (I think they look really trashy and unprofessional) especially when we’re in public together. And I don’t like my boyfriend walking around letting the whole world know about our intimate life
He doesn’t seem to mind it and I told him that it makes me uncomfortable when he walks around in public with them so I asked him if he could hide them or use concealer. He agreed and when he was with me in public, he’d cover them which I was happy with, but I also thought he would cover them even when I wasn’t with him. I ran into him in between our classes and I saw him not trying to cover them at all. I got super upset and told him I won’t give them to him if he won’t cover them, but he thinks I’m being ridiculous. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
JlwgYGrkXlEbtGFJWaOXu8tMXjAhkOgl
|
ar1jy8
|
{
"description": "getting sucked in the dilemmas of a clearly shambled relationship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting sucked in the dilemmas of a clearly shambled relationship?
|
I would like to start out by saying that this is all happening in a friend group I've known in high school, so we would be alumni. About a year and a half ago I've started becoming with them since they were doing some (messed up) film project and needed actors so I was down to help. Then we all started hanging out more often. One thing we all notice is that the director guy, Bob, who has been in a relationship with Alice for two years at the time, get in to some pretty toxic arguments. By consensus we all agree that it's not good for them and they need a break from each other at times. However, they seem normal half of the time so it's like "oh, okay I guess they're civil now.". Contrary to this, these arguments, most particularly started by Bob, still continue.
One night, the couple, a bunch of friends and I are at Dan's house and we all had a lot of alcohol to drink. I definitely had a lot to drink if I busted my shit on a treadmill that was hardly running, so I just proceed to lay down on this single chair couch thing. Suddenly, the lights go out and I'm confused as to what's happening. Apparently some people had to go home leaving my very drunk self passed out on couch and Alice, who is probably equally drunk. I wake up briefly remembering her walking over to me and I'm saying "oh no, no no no no no" because I know what was about to happen. She sits on me and I'm trying to get comfy but it's not working. I felt my arms getting grabbed and dragged to her body and that's the last thing I remember. I wake up to her sitting on me, with lipstick smeared on my face as I checked the mirrir in restroom, looked at my watch - 5am. Holy fuck whatever happened, happened throughout the whole night and I don't remember it not was I asking for it. She's a cheater! This relationship just seems like it's in shambles and I sense that they should be apart. Clearly this bimbo has no interest in Bob. I didn't know what to think at the time, Alice says don't tell anyone because she regrets that, so I didn't, until I got confronted about it with Bob.
I used all my power to explain what realistically happened from my perspective because it seems that Dan saw what happened that night, but added his own exaggerated twist on it and I'm facing heavy backlash from friends. I'm sitting here, like what the fuck, confused as to why I'm the one getting the blame here, after all I explicitly didn't provoke that and I don't even remember 80% of that night. I've never been in relationships so I wouldn't know what, but I could have told him, but I'm under the impression that I'd get beat up, the last thing I'd want. That ended their relationship, temporarily, and I realized and I guess that contributes to me being an ass as a given.
Long story short, both Alice and Bob had it going on-and-off which caused a lot of unwanted drama within group, until eventually everyone all hates me for what happened and Alice and Bob split afterwards.
Was I just being fucked with, or am I an ass?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
CsQRI6YfvNpwdsfRnJgJRCk008NO7NEe
|
9ykq9v
|
{
"description": "leaving a puddle of water in my class",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I left a puddle of water in my class.
|
I’m in study hall rn unbeknownst to me my water bottle has been leaking for the last 10 minutes and there is now a huge puddle of water. When I first saw it my instinct was to pretend like nothing had happened so I didn’t say or do anything.
Now I feel like it’s too late to say anything, and I’m already nervous about asking to do anything like going to the bathroom or the library.
Now there is a steadily spreading puddle of water on the floor. It’s the last class of the day and I’m a teeny bit panicked. I’m probably just going to not say anything. Would that be an asshole move
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
FAbYtjzZOQZyGtyJKDaUI2MpOotaqs4n
|
b2l4mt
|
{
"description": "declining to speak to the manager",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA - Declining to speak to the manager
|
I recently had a dispute with a friend that centered on my unwillingness to ask to speak to the manager of a customer service rep for an online retailer. I had expressed that the customer service rep was rude, but that I did not have time to go through the whole shebang of speaking to a manager. I said that I was angry in the moment, but the anger passed in a few minutes, so it was not a big deal.
Now, I can see that some may say it's better for me to speak to the manager for personal preference, whatever.
My friend's point was that I have some moral obligation to speak to the manager, as each time somebody does so they push the quality of customer service in the positive direction. According to her, by my reasoning that I do not have time to go through that process, I am saying bluntly that I do not have time to make the world a better place, and that I value my own time above her time and everyone else's time. She cited a few examples of instances in which she spoke to a manager or complained about some institution's behaviors and was able to affect positive change as evidence of the effectiveness of this approach. I mentioned that I almost never speak to the manager in circumstances where service is poor. I was only able to think of two or three times in which I have spoken to a manager. She seems to think that my reticence in this regard makes me an asshole.
Obviously, I think this line of reasoning is comical at best, but I am curious to hear other's thoughts. Am I The Asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
CXSwKmRAnmwbFoVpuwyP5o1xWhvzwZso
|
b6o6nt
|
{
"description": "getting an ex-con busted for violating one of the rules of his parole? he was in the wrong but I could have easily overlooked what he did",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for getting an ex-con busted for violating one of the rules of his parole? He was in the wrong but I could have easily overlooked what he did.
|
Posting from a throwaway because my safety is potentially at risk here. For some background, I am a college student and took a part time administrator job for what could be called a half way house for ex-convicts. It's an easy job, good hours and I really don't have to do much. The owner of the house has a contract with the state government to provide a place to live, life skills and transportation to and from work for the residents. The owner is an absolute piece of shit (if you've ever seen the movie Heat, he is exactly like the diner owner, though I've never seen him extort money, I wouldn't be surprised at all) and he seems to live to bust these dudes, most of whom genuinely are trying to get strait. The owner has a strict rule that we are to report any resident violations or we will be fired on the spot.
We had a resident that I'll call Carl. Carl absolutely busts his ass trying to stay out of prison. I really like the guy and he's one of the funniest and friendliest guys I've ever met. I usually don't try to get into resident business, especially their convictions because I want to see them as people rather than convicts.
This is where shit went down earlier this week. The owner claims that his van broke down and couldn't provide transportation to pick Carl up from work. I personally think it's absolute bullshit because I heard him in his residence (a guest house out back) screaming at his girlfriend and I think he just didn't want to back off from the fight. Whatever, I guess the van could have been broken down. I called Carl and told him about the, Carl said it was no problem he'd get a ride or walk home. One of Carl's terms of release was that he can't be within a certain distance of bars and dedicated liquor stores (I think it's 200 yards, but not sure). Carl was super late getting home and was about to bust his curfew so the owner asked me to see if I could find Carl. I drove around and sure enough Carl was standing right next to a bar. I don't know if he'd been drinking or not, I assume no because he's pretty committed to his sobriety. Carl acted like he didn't see me in my car but I know he did and when I went to turn around he must have bolted. I know he sprinted home because he actually beat me home but was crazy out of breath.
I tossed and turned all night about what to do but in the morning, I told the owner. Owner reported the violation and apparently Carl was taken out of his work for processing on a violation. I don't know exactly but he's at least going back for his original time. He's going to miss the summer he had planned with his young kids, he's back inside and all this when he was working so hard. I feel like fucking shit. Like absolute shit.
I know how I feel, but am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
o9bIFDw8d4PIszXH2PfP2H6kea31QSxK
|
ah59ea
|
{
"description": "wanting my girlfriend to walk around the back of the car when I drop her off places",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for wanting my girlfriend to walk around the back of the car when I drop her off places?
|
24M and 25F, we live together. She can drive but it gives her anxiety to drive in the city so the only place she ever drives herself to work. I drive us everywhere we need to go, sometimes I'll drop her off at work if I need to use the car (it's my car) and I drive her around town occasionally if she needs to be somewhere and I'm not busy.
The problem is that whenever she gets out of the car, she walks around *in front* of the car, so I can't start driving away until she's gone past. If she were to go around back, I could start driving away the second she gets out. I mentioned this to her once and she acknowledged it but didn't change her behavior. I mentioned it a second time and she seemed annoyed at me for suggesting it.
I'm taking time out of my day and I'm usually the one who fills up the tank. It seems like a small accommodation to make to stop inconveniencing me when I'm basically a free chauffeur for her.
So here's where this became a big problem. After dropping her off today, she walked around the front of the car, as usual. I started going forward and revved the engine to pretend to hit her (I wouldn't have actually done it obviously). I thought she would get the message that it was a reminder for her to go around back, but instead she freaked out on me and said I could've seriously hurt her. I tried explaining my side of things how I want her to go around back, but she won't listen.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 21
}
|
WRONG
|
8LIgW4IKR6OjyjFdehDe4qLtj5P0e2DS
|
ap8ra0
|
{
"description": "rejecting a guy",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Rejecting a guy?
|
Hey there! Just as a disclaimer, I come from Sweden, so English is not actually my first language. So I deeply apologize for any mistakes I make in my grammar. Oh, and first post. Wooo...
Characters in this ”thing”
Me: as i´m writing this, I am currently 13 years old. I am male, but despite that, I have quote the feminine appearance, long, brown, very curly hair (it actually has natural dreadlocks, its pretty cool, i get compliments about it a lot ☺️). I am also really short, around 150-153 cm. My voice is also very high-pitched, and so i often get confused as a girl. Like a lot. Seriously, my friends are just calling me a trap at this point since i look like a girl, and it doesn’t help that i have kind of a baby-face, so i now look like a loli-trap, which is just not that fun to be honest... (i have a couple of stories about that, but that is just not what we are here for, is it!?)
Forgot to mention but i... uh... have...a...big butt... Yeah.... its quite big... (it comes up later, ok?)
Robin (fake name): Now, Robin is a kind of bully. He is one year older than me, and he is pretty tall and muscular. But he does insult me, but at the same time look at me with a sort of hunger in his eyes, and I don’t know why........
Ok, so here is the actual things that happen
Now, Robin, as i said, insults people, including me, but he looks at me weird... he just comes up to me and starts talking, only to run off in a sulk as he comes to the sudden realization that he has no real subject to speak to me about, seeing as i like to spend time alone, reading a book, drawing or listening to music. I’m a shy person, and i dislike most interactions, so it gets kinda awkward with all of the things he says.
One time, i was walking past his locker when i saw pictures of boobs and dicks inside, and that led me to believe that he is bisexual, nothing wrong with that, but I’m straight, and i think he is hitting on me, which i dislike.
But one time, he went a bit to far. I was standing and talking to some friends, i think we talked about chemistry or some other stuff, but this man just comes running up behind me and slaps my ass. But not just a simple slap, oh no! He squished it hard, and then ran off.
When i later confronted hm about this, he just shrugged and said that he liked ho it jiggled, and how big it was, that he just had to feel it...
So, Am I The Asshole for rejecting him? Again, I’m straight, and I don’t know if i am or not the asshole for doing this to him, as recentas I’ve started to talk back when he insults me, and he just walks away like a wounded animal when that happens...
So feel free to cast your judgement upon me, and i shall know wether or not i am, a asshole!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
nqAKj8g4176PM9EeTJirV5onrxjtwxfi
|
b4gtgy
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be friends with someone who doesn't reply to my text messages",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be friends with someone who doesn't reply to my text messages?
|
I am 20F. My friend (20M) and I have known eachother for just over 2 years. We met in 2017 at university, studying the same degree.
We've been basically best friends since then and spoke in person every day on campus and occasionally over the phone. However, I stopped studying at the end of last year and we've spoken only a handful of times since then.
Anyway so about 2 weeks ago I sent him a message saying that I'd like to talk about the state of our friendship because it feels like no one from campus (especially him) makes it seem like they still want me in their lives and it feels pretty shitty. His response was that 'well that's expected' since I'm not on campus anymore. I responded by saying that since we don't see each other at all I expected him to be more responsive over text.
I still haven't gotten a response from him and am wondering if I should just move on from this friendship, even though he means a lot to me.
Am I the asshole for wanting to just end our friendship ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
m4HlorooJfQ8MU6BeAhgsgDsupIYYgL9
|
aqf84l
|
{
"description": "cuddling with my female friend while watching a movie",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cuddling with my female friend while watching a movie?
|
If this sounds absurd, it's because (imo) it is. But here we are.
Last night it was a sort of traditional movie night at my friend's apartment. The place is packed and I've got a spot on one of the good chairs, and rather than sit on the floor a female friend of mine (let's say "Riva") comes over and sits in my lap. I'm a little surprised because we've not really been *that* cozy together before, but it's she's obviously comfortable, so I roll with it (and also it sort of plays into my suspicions that she's sweet on me). Initially I sort of put my hands behind my head behind my head, but after like ten minutes it feels a bit awkward (like, you know, weird lap-dance posture) so I then put my arms around her waist. They remain there for the duration of the film - with some occasional shifting by both of us, obviously - and she never seems weirded out by it. And, unsurprisingly I'm also enjoying it, because I feel there's some chemistry between us. But it's not more than what one might describe as cuddling.
So anyway, movie ends, everybody goes home. All cool. And then I get the fateful text from another friend of ours: "You made Riva really uncomfortable last night."
Ok, so that's baffling. I text Riva to meet up and have a chat, and she echoes the sentiment, saying that I sort of crossed a line with the snuggling. Like, holding onto her was a no-go (though she doesn't allege I copped a feel or something). I immediately apologized.
But here's the thing... *I don't actually think I did anything wrong.* Maybe I'm an asshole for it, and I'm not about to make a big deal about it, but it's true. What really might tip me over the line is I'm doing this thing that's kind of blaming her - meaning I think she should have told me if she was uncomfortable at the time, or hinted at it with body language, or not sat in my lap in the first place. So I'm a little indignant. But I dunno. What do you think? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
5vhf1QM7PSGNT5iBN5zf3rcFicBgvo2u
|
a283h1
| null |
AITA if my wife, who swore she would not live with a dangerous weapon like an AR-15, gets a handgun for self defense so I then buy an AR-15?
|
Long story short. The wife is scared of “rifles” thinking they are unnecessary for civilians to own due to how dangerous they are. I agree they are dangerous, but they are also fun to shoot which is why i want one. My wife made a big deal about not having something so dangerous in the house. So i gave in said that’s fine we don’t need any guns in the house. But she still wants to keep a handgun in the house for self defense. I guess for me, i dont see how having a handgun is any less dangerous then a rifle in the house. So i told her if she buys a handgun i will get a rifle since since it’s only fair. AITA for having an AR-15 in the house if she has a handgun?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 25,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 37
}
|
WRONG
|
HDA9AHg0Wt4T6KejL5kyjEZ4JmcJkenb
|
abblyn
|
{
"description": "telling a friend that he's not attractive to me",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling a friend that he’s not attractive to me
|
Basically I have a co-worker who turned to a friend(lets call him S). At the start we weren’t very close but we texted and went to parties/just hang out a lot.
I don’t want to make him uncomfortable with unwanted advances, since he’s straight and I’m bi so I’m not overly touchy.
He also has another close friend (lets call him J) who he hangs out with a lot and invites to hang out with us too.
My issue begins with this:
I basically only said a comment that was like ,,J you can really tell a difference from you working out... you look good man“ It wasn‘t even sexual, just a compliment.
Well it was at a party with J, S and me in the room and S reacted badly to me complimenting J. He started jokingly saying „wow you never compliment me like that“. We all just brushed it off but he kept making remarks like that through completely unrelated conversations.
I wanted to go home early but J and S wanted to stay but in the end S decided to walk me home since he was „pretty tired“ anyway.
We walked home and.... somewhere he started talking about what guys I find attractive. I told him that I have no specific check list just someone handsome.
Then (you guessed it) he asked me if I was attracted to him. I just said “no dude” and tried to laugh it off.
He started getting really mad, saying that he knows me way longer than J knows me and we are closer and he kept asking me if he was really ugly to me. I told him he’s not ugly but not for me and he responded with listing Js flaws and asking how I can think he’s attractive and not him. It was really dramatic and long story short: I ended up walking home alone.
Now I’m wondering if I should apologize or do something else...
Also, why did he react like that?
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HISTORICAL
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b24z9i
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{
"description": "being upset at my mom's boyfriend for getting us a dog",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for being upset at my mom’s boyfriend for getting us a dog
|
My mom has been dating this guy for 8 months. They argue a lot and to me it seems like their relationship is not secure. This week he got a purebred German Shepherd puppy for me and my mom, mainly me. I didn’t know that was happening until I saw it in the house yesterday. My mom hates dogs and won’t let animals into the house. She’s always been like that. We have never taken care of a dog.
I’m upset because he knows she hates dogs and still got one which seems disrespectful to me. Also I feel like it’s a lot of responsibility to put on someone. A dog is a huge commitment, especially a German Shepherd. In general I also hate it when people give animals as gifts. Also I barely know this guy and he’s talking about co-owning a puppy with me. Owning a dog is my dream but not like this and I think this is so thoughtless. I didn’t tell him but I’m thinking of telling my mom how I feel. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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a5pv00
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{
"description": "informing my mother and stepfather of my brother inviting our biological father to his wedding",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I informed my mother and stepfather of my brother inviting our biological father to his wedding?
|
Might be a long post, on mobile and somewhat emotional, so bare with me.
Me and my brother are fraternal twins. I am a woman and he is a male. Not long after we were born, our biological father bailed. My 20-year old homeless mother was left with two infant children. My grandfather (bio dad’s dad) housed us until my mom met my stepdad (SD) and married him. Grandpa was upset because my parents hadn’t been divorced that long before she left with us to another state. All the while, my mother never kept us from our dad. We were around 2 at the time when my mom remarried so to me SD is my dad. Both my SD and dad were active duty military so they both traveled a lot. Dad was cool with my mom having us all year as long as he got us in the summer. Those summers never came and communication with him was cut off. He entered our lives again as teenagers. Me and my brother went to visit him for the first time at 15 and my brother decided he was going to live with dad. Fast forward 3 months, my grandpa tells my mom about my dad’s meth habit. My mom confront my uncle (dads little brother) who they lived with and he said it was none of his business and she asked, “what if it was your kid?” So my brother get brought back to our state.
Almost 15 years later, my brother is getting married in like 10 days When I got married I invited my whole family on that side, including my dad but informed him he would not be walking me down the aisle as my SD has been the one raising me. He didn’t show which I expected. Today spent the night talking to my grandfather who was diagnosed with end stage heart failure. He was shocked I hadn’t know since our dad and told my brother months ago. He then mentioned the wedding, and how due to his health condition he couldn’t travel. He then said my dad would be attending.
I found out a lot recently involving my brother and dad. Short summary: our bio-dad is a multimillionaire due to something the military caused (he was vague about this).
My mom told me he had been going and talking to our dad which i don’t care honestly. It was when I was informed by his future wife that our dad told my brother that whoever attends his funeral out of the two of us gets the money. I don’t care about the money because I’m still not attending his funeral. What I’m mad about is the secrecy from my brother on every level, including my grandpas illness. So would I be the asshole to let my mom and SD (who paid for the wedding) know that my brother invited our biological father? I let them know when i got
Married about inviting him, but he never showed and they seemed happier he didn’t.
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{
"description": "telling my wife she acted like a bitch to me because I tried to give input on my daughter's college",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 11
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|
AITA for telling my wife she acted like a bitch to me because I tried to give input on my daughter's college?
|
I did not go to college, but I'm doing something that I like and feel like i'm doing pretty well for myself. My wife did go to a top school. So she does know better than me but still.
​
Anyway, my daughter was speaking about colleges she would maybe like to go too. So I do know about some schools, and which ones are pretty good. I also value price and other things. I don't think my daughter needs to go to that good of a school like my wife, but a pretty decent one that she likes.
​
Well me and my daughter were talking, and my wife got annoyed. She said please just stop, you didn't go to college so you know nothing about this. She did not like that I was trying to give input or just talk to her about it.
​
I don't know, I felt like she said it rude as hell to me. So I haven't been talking to her and she noticed, and I said yeah, because you acted like a bitch towards me. Boy did that set her off.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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EinpidUcV0MiU9VzAO0ZH5vP9T8U7d2h
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9ybttd
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{
"description": "not wanting help",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting help?
|
Tl;dr at bottom
I have a particular coworker, let’s call “Sweet But Annoying” (SBA), that I can’t stand when they ask if I need help. It’s not that I think I never need help or that I have never needed help before, but for some reason SBA grinds my gears when they offer.
To offer a little back story, I have been at my current job for a few years and am well adjusted in my position. I worked elsewhere previously for a few years in a different specialty, so I was not new to the profession. I have a solid understanding of my work, and am 99% independent in everything I do. I don’t know everything, nor do I claim to, but in situations where I genuinely need guidance in a specific scenario, I wouldn’t ask SBA.
SBA has worked at my place of work approximately 6 months longer than I have, so not much more experience than myself. However, I would estimate I have more experience as my previous job was built upon by this one, as they are different specialties but very closely related, whereas SBA’s previous experience was no where close to this.
Regardless of our past experiences, I have been given much tougher assignment in our current workplace. I have more experience and poise with the various equipment we use and the people we serve. My critical thinking and knowledge base, in my opinion, is at a higher level than SBA’s. This isn’t a pissing match in who has more experience, but this will relate later on.
My job is very time oriented but it is a speciality where you normally aren’t running around in order to get everything done. So if you have good time management, everything falls into place as you work, leaving you comfortably independent throughout the day. You don’t usually require help unless something off the cuff happens, in which case there are several people available to help, and you don’t need to ask.
My specific complaint is this. In most cases, I will need a second person to verify something, per our policy. So I will ask SBA to verify, as a second person and myself have to sign as we both verified the information is correct. That’s it. That’s all I will have asked for, and then I will continue my work. SBA seems to linger many times once whatever is verified, and watch me continue working. SBA then, in the sweetest voice they could muster asks if I need any help. As if they are talking to a child or someone that just isn’t up to their standards, and obviously needs SBA’s god given gift to help the less fortunate.
I quickly say nope, as I have no need of their help, and SBA gives a facial expression as if I’m just lying about needing their help, as to not bother them and asks, “Are you sure?”
To get my point across, I look up and smile, raise my eyebrows and look around the room and shake my head while saying no again. As if to signal that wtf else do you think I need help with?! I’m clearly working on whatever I’m doing, I called you in here for a specific reason in which I’m required to do, and you have fulfilled that request. I don’t need your help for anything else.
Normally this would be fine, (especially if SBA lost the little kid voice) but even after two no’s, SBA continues to linger like they still don’t believe me, and then eventually laughs and leaves. I kind of want to say “You can leave now” although I know that saying it would be rude, it would get my point across...
To circle back to the experience bit, I am calm and collected in situations, and I let my knowledge and experience guide me. I do have some internal anxious but I don’t full on freak out if something unfortunate happens, rather I move to find a solution to fix it. SBA gets their feathers ruffled at the slightest sign something is going haywire. I’m talking, shaky hands, whimpering voice, calling everyone in to help, running to do anything, complete blackout flight or fight response. This happens even when a minimal situation occurs, as I have seen first hand.
I’m not bothered by SBA for how they act, that’s not my beef and I help when needed. But when I am needing to calm SBA down on something not a big deal, and help correct such small situations before a full blown meltdown occurs, I would expect to not be treated in an holier than thou attitude.
I could run circles around SBA if I wanted to, so the constant asking if I needing help as if SBA is my parent, and myself a wee baby needing help, bugs me. I would expect that treatment to a new person, but if SBA is really thinking I need their help, solely because they have been there longer, they aren’t paying attention.
I am normally a very happy person, willing to chat with just about anyone, but because of this, I have found myself to become off-put by SBA and seemingly unwilling to want to have a conversation. I am not myself when talking to SBA, usually very short responses and not much else. Any interaction bugs me now, and I feel there is some fakery thrown in there. I’m not sure SBA realizes, but AITA?
Most this sounds very petty reading through it, but it is kind of insulting, and even though I feel I am “better at my job” than SBA, I never treated them any differently. I actually am usually the first to help when asked, with no qualms about what had been done. I stick together with my coworkers and look out for them when they make a mistake. I don’t run to management about everything, like some do, but rather ask that person about it and the horrified look usually tells me that they will pay better attention next time, without the needed berating from the higher ups.
I don’t even really care if you reply, this is more of a vent post, because I have been relieved of my subconscious thoughts many times after just venting. Reddit is a great resource to just get it all out. AITA because I don’t know SBA’s side, obviously, but yet I have chosen to treat them differently in personal ways (not professional).
Tl;dr Coworker insists on helping, not a wee baby, can do it myself, can run circles around coworker, wants coworker to go away, now constantly annoyed by coworker AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "saying my boyfriend has white privilege",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for saying my boyfriend has white privilege?
|
English is not my first language and this is my first time posting here, sorry for any language/formatting problems, etc.
I am Asian and my boyfriend is British. We are in a long distance relationship. While we were texting the other day, the subject of race came up, and I jokingly said that he had white privilege (which I do believe to be true). He then responded by saying that I was “white shaming” him.
I explained to him that by being white, he does have privilege even though he can’t see it. Some real life examples would strangers greeting him and not me when we are together. However, he retaliated by saying that I was being racist to him and I was being unfair because I was “hating on him” over something he can’t control (being white). He also said that white privilege doesn’t exist because every race has privileges, like Asians being smart and and black people running faster. He said he shouldn’t be blamed just because his ancestors did something wrong.
At this point I was furious and I realised I wouldn’t be able to change his mind, so I just ended the conversation there.
The next day he asked me if I knew why I was wrong and why he was mad about the conversation. I just ignored him because I don’t think my own mindset is wrong. However since he is so upset I don’t really know. Was I being an asshole by stating he has white privilege and insisting on it? Note that he has never been racist to anyone, and has always treated me like an equal.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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avwgr2
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{
"description": "cutting off my best friend in this situation",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off my best friend in this situation?
|
Relevant to this situation is that my (26M) girlfriend (21F) has a severe heart condition, underwent two heart surgeries, is on several medication for it and has to be very careful about not getting stressed and/or scared due to how frequent her afib attacks are.
My best friend (22M) is aware of this and has known her for the duration of our relationship (2 years) and known me for 4 years.
Recently he has been in a good mood and I guess became energetic, and started jump scaring my girlfriend at random times during the discord calls by making loud sounds very close to the microphone or shouting down the microphone when entering the chat. Perhaps he found that funny.
In fact, a few days ago as he entered the chat he screamed down the microphone and it gave her chest pains. She didn't want to say anything because she didn't want to be rude and asked me what to do about it as it became more repetitive as the days went on until one time he did it when I was in the call.
I politely asked him to stop but he proceeded to do it again twice after that - each time I asked him to stop. I left the call after the last time and told him I won't be coming back until he stops this as it very disrespectful to her and dangerous.
She didn't want to start an argument and said that she can deal with it but I didn't think she should.
He then sent me a half assed apology and once again I said that as long as he didn't do it again we were fine. He made a sarcastic remark to which I told him he cannot see that he is in the wrong and is making us both uncomfortable with his actions.
He constantly kept dismissing me and later resorted to personal insults and gas-lighting me saying that I'm causing issues on his birthday (which it is, but that doesn't give him the right to disrespect my girlfriend) until I snapped, blocked him and told him to fuck off.
My girlfriend got a message from him asking her why I was overreacting about this. AITA in this situation? Did I overreact?
TL;DR
My best friend kept jump scaring my girlfriend knowing she had a heart condition and then when confronted about it became confrontational, gas-lighted and insulted me until I snapped, told him to fuck off and blocked him.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being mad at my grandparents",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my grandparents?
|
Bit of a backstory, I am adopted. My adopted parents are amazing and I have been their kid all my life. I’ve never known another family. I do have contact with my bio mom, but don’t talk to her for various reasons. My parents also have 4 bio children (my brothers and sisters) who are younger than me.
So my grandparents were over a couple of weeks ago, they are your usual conservative rednecks. The visit was fine until I got up one morning. I went to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast before heading to
School (I am a university student). My grandparents were in the kitchen. We said good morning to each other, I asked if they wanted anything to eat. They decline. Normal boring morning.
Then my grandma asks “so how’s your real mom doing”
I am confused at the question, and tell them that she should be home soon, you can ask her then. My grandma corrects herself “no your real mum, the one who gave birth to you”
“You mean my bio mother”
My grandma nods.
“Well I don’t talk to her so I don’t know. And for the record she isn’t my real mum, your daughter is”
The two don’t apologize for the mistake and try to brush it off as them being old (my grandpa is only in his early 70’s, not that old in his family)
Normally I would chalk this up to them being old and not up with the times but my grandpa has a sister who adopted 2 kids in the early 70’s. he and my grandma are well aware about adoption and terminology and all that Jazz.
And I have always suspected that they don’t see my as one of the grandkids. I was venting to a friend about this and they said I should just let it go and not be mad at my grandparents.
Of course I will always love them, but I feel I have a right to me mad at this. I’m nearly 19. I have tried to talk to them and they just change the subject instead.
So AITA? Should I just try and let it go?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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acnl25
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{
"description": "making out with a girl on a new years party my ex-girlfriend invited me to",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making out with a girl on a New years party my ex-girlfriend invited me to?
|
So my ex-girlfriend (we broke up 4 months ago, we both wanted it) invited me to her New years party. I went there with a few friends, who were also invited. Most of the people there I did not know, but they were pretty nice. I noticed a girl who seemed interested in me and I started talking to her for a while. We came pretty close and after midnight, we started making out.
The party was in a normal sized room, so everyone saw us, including my ex-girlfriend. For the rest of the night, about 5 hours, we made out almost the entire time. The girl and I agreed on meeting the saturday (5th january).
Noone said anything about it that night and noone complained.
The next day however, the girl texted me that she cannot meet me on saturday, because her best friend and my ex-girlfriend complained about us kissing on the party. She said, that they don't want that we (the girl and I) see us again.
The girl said that she would talk to her best friend on the weekend about it.
PS: Sorry for any language-mistakes
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "refusing any contact with my ex after we broke up",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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}
|
AITA For refusing any contact with my ex after we broke up?
|
The TDLR will be at the end but to make the long story short and just get some clarification, i need to know if i was the asshole after my ex and i broke up.
We began dating in July of last year. This isn't the first time we dated and the only difference between then and now is that i've cut him from my life. Back in 2013 when we first dated we broke up because my best friend sat down with me one night and told me how he flirted with her and our other friend and she showed me messages of him hitting her up at 2 am asking if she wanted to come over for a bit. I took it immediately as a sign he was cheating on me and broke up with him. We still talked occasionally but i didn't physically started hanging out with him again until June of last year.
Now, as you can see, some years passed and it was good to see him again because before hand he was a good friend of mine. We hit it off immediately and we decided to try and date again. My idea was that he seemed more mature now and maybe, just maybe, he had changed. I was so wrong.
To make another long story short, my brother and his wife lost their home in August so they had moved in with me for a while. At the same time my mom's house was condemned and her and my older sister needed a place to stay. My boyfriend was angry because i had to share my room with my sister so they could all work out how to fix their lives again. Since we only ever hung out at my place because his house was basically a bachelor pad. He shared a home with his buddies so he didn't like how they would make weird noises if i ever came over. When my family moved in he felt weird being over there with me when my sister was a bed over so he got mad at me for letting them "ruin our relationship". I told him it would only be for a little bit because they are my family and i was in a position to help them and it really wasn't a big deal.
Skipping ahead, we still went on dates very rarely and i learned from my best friend (who we will call S) that my boyfriend was seen out with some new girl. My thoughts immediately went to "he's cheating on me again". Skip ahead, after November he refused to come to my house or meet up somewhere like the coffee shop. He said he wanted to have a private discussion to talk. No hiding or whatever. i told him that if he wanted that it would take a while because of him refusing to come to my house and him refusing to let me come to his and meet up somewhere. i tried for the month of November to January to meet up and he kept refusing, saying that it needed to be a private 1 on 1.
Finally in the beginning of February we got his 1 on 1. he basically wanted to cry like a little girl, saying he was seeing the new girl behind my back and that he started talking to her in August and he really liked her. He said he wanted this to be personal and for me to know it wasn't me but him and i shook my head and told him that if he wanted to break up then he shouldn't have wasted my time with his bs for the amount of time he did. He then told me that he had been meaning to break up with me since August and that hurt a lot. I knew it was bad in November because of his sudden attitude change but since August? that was shocking to me.
Before he left i said i didn't want to talk to him for a bit, that i needed time to think and process on what he did. He agreed and tried to hug me, saying we could still be friends, but i kept distance and said no. The time i put off, from Feb to June, was to think over the past experience of 2013 and what happened this time. This whole thinking i was doing was to decide if i even wanted to be his friend anymore. did i want to be friends with a cheater? When i know that whoever he's with could end up getting hurt by him because he had an inability to stay true to his partner?
To help make up my mind, i went to meet his new girlfriend. i didn't know her well but i had no grudge against her. She didn't know he was with me and, according to her and what she told me, when she met him he said he was single. What helped me make up my mind is that she told me she was excited to start looking at things for their anniversary. This perked my attention and i asked her when that was. She laughed and said December 10th. I forced a smile and laughed with her and thanked her for her time.
Then i went home and did a lot of things. Some emotional but the bottom line was that i blocked him on all social media, deleted our conversations, and blocked his number from my phone. i sent a message to our friends in common that i was no longer on talking terms with him and if we decided to meet up and hang out he wasn't invited.
The only thing i forgot was that we were friends on Xbox too. a few days later when i got on i remembered he was my friend on there because i had a really long message from him. i didn't even read it, except the first sentence. That was because i was kinda forced to in order to open the message to delete it and block his profile on xbox. I won't bother you guys with that but it made me laugh.
Now more time has passed and things are obviously changing. I have been in no contact with him since my decision to block him but his girlfriend (who is now his ex according to our common friends. i told them i didn't want to know but you know and i know they will tell me everything... bastards lol) is wanting to be friends because she said she didn't know he was still with me. I was told by our friends that i was being rude by not talking to him and straining our friendship group by making them chose between us. i just shrug and say if they want to hang out with him they can go ahead. I'm comfortable being by myself and hanging out by myself. Am i an asshole for cutting him off and supposedly straining our friendship group by making them chose between us? i don't care if they want to hang out with him instead of me. they weren't my only friends and i am comfortable enough to hang out by myself. They just keep telling me that if i just talked with them around him and accepted his presence then we could all hang out without any problems and they wouldn't have to decide who they want to hang out with on the weekends.
TDLR: My ex boyfriend cheated on me not even 2 months into our relationship so i decided to block him on everything. Our common friends are upset because i'm "forcing" them to chose between him and me. Am i the asshole for blocking him and "forcing" them to chose sides? cause i'm not really. if they want to hang out with him, i'm cool with it. I've told this to them time and time again but they are adamant that i'm "forcing" them to chose.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting to spend time with my mother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to spend time with my mother?
|
My mother was an extreme drug addict in the past, and put me and my dad through a year of hell. I'll go into the specifics if someone asks, but I don't want to get too into it if someone doesn't. But needless to say, because of what she did I have a hard time trusting her and being around her, and I'm not even entirely sure she's clean. But, now that me/my father and my mother are separated into different houses, we haven't been seeing each other nearly as much and I've been a lot happier since. Only thing is, I'm afraid that because of my absence my mother will get depressed and lonely and get hooked to drugs yet again, and I'm not entirely sure if I want to leave her alone, but at the same time I barely even want to talk to her. So, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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amkgbn
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{
"description": "venting to my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for venting to my best friend
|
So I have this bestie we will call her Rachel and I used to always talk to her and hangout with her everyday but recently she moved away. We still talk casually often and I love her to death but I have this problem. Every time I vent to her she mocks me saying why I’m being such a baby and such. She has vented to me multiple times I still talk to her normally frequently and I am always open when she vents. I don’t talk to her just to vent but I do want to vent to her sometimes as she is my best friend. She says that I can’t start venting to her out of nowhere and then gets mad when I want to. I talk with her frequently but if I ever wanna just vent seemingly out of nowhere she mocks me. Am I the asshole for venting to her without sparking conversation first even though she’s my best friend.
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HISTORICAL
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akd07p
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{
"description": "disallowing my ex gf to bring her new bf to the apartment",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for disallowing my ex gf to bring her new bf to the apartment?
|
Preemptive sorry for formatting on mobile.
So, my ex and I we will call her C, are best friends, our relationship ended surprisingly well for what happend. She left me while we were trying to have a child, for her ex now turned new bf. She had been visiting her mother out east and ran into him at random while out on the town (I can confirm this is the case) and realized she was still quite in love with him. She came home early from her trip and told me about everything and we broke it off.
They started dating again but were at this point an LDR, after a while he comes into our city to see her, and she really wanted him to stay with us. Problem is we live in a one bedroom apartment as no others have come available in our building, and we share the one bedroom between us (I work graveyards so I sleep during the day and she sleeps at night so we essentially take shifts.).
I said no, citing that we may have stayed amicable and she was in fact still my best friend but I did not want them sleeping (and very obviously having sex) in the bed I have to sleep in. She got quite angry and we had a big fight about it, she was convinced I was just being petty about us having split up and that for them to Tay at a motel (or rather for him to) would be really expensive and something her new bf had not taken into account for his finances.
Neither myself nor C make a lot of money and I definitely felt for her but I just didn't want to have to sleep in that kind of situation.
AITA for not allowing my best friend and yet ex gf to have her new be sleep at our place? Or was she off base?
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HISTORICAL
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| null |
AITA For special treatement?
|
I'm a high schooler and taking some college courses at a local community college. It's been great so far and its really helped break me out of my shell, but this semester I figured I would take a public speaking course and get it out of the way.
We've done two speeches before and mine have gone well, but today was the day for the biggest speech yet (5-7 minutes). We brought flashcards and visual aids, and we prepared weeks in advance.
Usually I'm someone thats very organized but today I woke up very late, and I didn't have time to get ready let alone prepare all of my speech materials. Once I got there the professor said a few things and we put our name on the board, and everyone pushed forward to put their name last and so I was third (of about 25 students). I got incredibly anxious, and I knew I didn't study the material enough because I woke up late.
While the second speaker was getting prepared, I told the teacher I wasn't ready and too nervous to give my speech. I figured he would take points off, but I was having such a terrible day that I knew I wasn't prepared. He said it was fine and decided to let me do my speech next class, and by the time I sat down several of the students who were much older than me talked about how everyone is nervous and that it wasn't fair (even though nobody asked him besides me, and he made it clear we are allowed to skip).
AITA?
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| null |
AITA, or would I be an asshole, if I pressed for my boyfriend and I to get a particular dog?
|
This is dumb, and I’m sorry.
My boyfriend and I (we live together) have been thinking about rescuing a dog and have been seriously looking into it for about 3-4 weeks. We wanted a dog that was about 40 lbs and a cuddler for me but athletic enough to go outside on hikes and play and stuff.
Last weekend we went to a local rescue and I fell in love. The dog I liked was a lot smaller (under 20 lbs, 6mos) than we wanted but her personality was perfect. We didn’t get her because my boyfriend was uncomfortable with her size. We thought she had been adopted when we went back today but she was there. We looked at a bunch of dogs including the dog from last week. I wanted him to see her again without me interjecting to see if he would bond more with her without me in the way.
After the visit my boyfriend still wasn’t sold on this dog so we left. But he did say other than her size she was great and had the best disposition he’s seen in a dog her age. He said he’d be happy with her if we got her but always wanted a bigger dog, so I didn’t want to force the issue since it’s a two person choice.
I looked at the rescue website tonight because I was hoping my boyfriend would be able to get past how small she was but she is no longer listed as an adoptable dog. I’m hoping it’s a mistake because her post was incorrect in the first place and plan on calling first thing tomorrow to clarify if she’s still available. If she is, would I be an asshole for pushing to get this dog? I think my boyfriend is on the fence enough that he would cave and be happy with our decision in the end but I feel guilty doing that. I just love this dog.
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HISTORICAL
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azyx37
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{
"description": "breaking up with my so called girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA breaking up with my so called girlfriend
|
so i'm 15, male and from Belgium (sorry for bad English). my friend was staying over ans all of the sudden a friend spams me at 11p.m. (he never talkes online only in rl) he tells me he found me a "girlfriend". my friend takes my phone and looks her up and sends just a simple hey. we text for a bit and she is really nice. she likes the same stuff as me. but we went to fast for me. after 2 days she was spamming me with all kinds of emoji's. saying i love you and stuff. we talked for a week and she made some bad jokes about faking a breakup but i didn't care. she was nice and understanded me. but she askedd for to much attention. one day after my weekend job she was a bit mad at me for not texting. i told her that i was omw home and would take a shower and sleep bc i had school the next day. she got mad at me bc i didn't text het that evening. i told her that my mom was taking my phone and laptop away so i couldn't talk anyway. i give my stuff to my mom and go to sleep. the next day i got messeges that i was skiping her (she always said that when i didn't reply) and then she was talking that she "loved" me. after that i didn't love her anymore. she also was a bit mad for my friends not accepting her and being protective to me. (this all happend in a week) after school i was thinking a lot about breaking up. we were gonna meet on Saturday but she told me she couldn't go bc here mom said she had to look after her lil brother but her mom was also home? sounded like an excuse to me. i skiped her for a bit saying that i had to do a group project and that it was a lot of work and that that was the reason i was online. i was just thinking of breaking up. and i did. i told her that she was cool and nice but that i wasn't ready for a girlfriend. i told her that it was not her but me (really clicé i know) and that i was sorry. she was super mad and i understand her but she then blocked me. i understand her side too but it was all going was to fast for me. this wasn't love to me. i told my friends. some where a bit mad some understanded me. i told everything. they support me. i took a long shower thinking about it and then went on my laptop to type it all out on here. what do you guys think? i have screens but they are in dutch. thank you for listening
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HISTORICAL
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auwip2
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{
"description": "leaving people behind in a different city",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for leaving people behind in a different city?
|
Since this is a throwaway, names & details might be a *little* different (I know one of these guys uses reddit, not sure about this sub).
Anyways, myself and three friends (18/19-yo) took a road trip up north to a city roughly an hour and a half away, complete with a two-night hotel booking so we wouldn't have to drive back and forth every day. Here's the thing: We're traveling in a country where a lot of people my age don't have a license, so *I'm the only one who's driving the rest.*
There was an athletic event taking place over the weekend, which the four of us all attended for the last two nights. On the second night, the event didn't really finish until midnight, so we all agreed afterwards to grab some McDonald's on the way back to the hotel.
One of the guys I was traveling with--we'll call him Jose--a massive hispanic dude (probably 6'3") who ate enough burgers and fries to completely obliterate any bathroom he touched afterwards. Well, as it turns out, that's exactly what happened next.
We all got back to the hotel room and Jose immediately tells the rest of us that he's taking a shit in our hotel room's bathroom. The problem is, the ventilation in the bathroom was fucking atrocious (it took hours to air out the first time Jose shit in there) and I knew that myself & the other two guys weren't gonna be able to shower before we all rolled out the next morning.
So, I did what any sane, rational person would do and politely asked him to take the room key and use the hotel lobby's bathroom instead.
"No."
Jose was hell-bent on using the bathroom, and it started to piss me off because I knew I wasn't gonna be feeling great on the drive back the next morning. I made a snarky remark as he was entering the bathroom. It was nothing offensive, as I just referred to him as another person's name (in reference to a friend of mine that I argued with in a hotel room last year).
So, after hearing that, Jose storms across the room and squares up, standing chest-to-face with me and telling me to "say it again."
I shook my head trying not to laugh, and he proceeded to grab me by the neck and toss me a few feet backwards.
It totally caught me off guard as I never expected Jose to get violent like that, and the other two guys just sat there speechless.
I grabbed all my shit when Jose was finally in the bathroom, told the other two guys I didn't feel safe sleeping in the room anymore, and left the hotel to drive home at three in the morning. They had access to taxis and a train going back to where we lived, so I ignored their pleas for me to come back. I turned my phone off and drove home while listening to a podcast to cool down.
AITA for leaving them all behind?
TLDR; was traveling with three other guys and got grabbed by the neck, tossed across the room by one of them, drove a few hundred km home and stranded them in a different city at 3am
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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atlhsz
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{
"description": "expecting my gf to Cook & Clean at home",
"pronormative_score": 80,
"contranormative_score": 35
}
|
AITA To Expect My GF to Cook & Clean at home?
|
I'm M27, She's F24. Been together for 2 years and living together for about 3 months now. Before we moved in we agreed that she would do all of the cooking/cleaning and taking care of my place since she doesn't work and is trying to get an online business started from home. Because she isn't bringing in an income I agreed to pay the entire rent while she gets her business up and running. She thought this was a good idea and agreed to do all the cooking, and cleaning. I don't really eat breakfast, so I usually just get coffee or some fruit but she did pack me a lunch daily and had dinner ready when I got home at around 6ish. We'd usually eat out like once or twice a week so she's not cooking every single day, but most I guess.
About 3 weeks ago she said she didn't want to cook anymore and said I was treating her like a slave making her cook and clean all day. I just said well you live here rent free and you only clean maybe once a week and cooking doesn't take up all of your day and she got super mad and called me an asshole. She asked me to start cooking but I'm so tired/stressed from work I don't want to after and she's at home all day.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
agsci5
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{
"description": "being uncomfortable around the \"bi\" kids on my bus",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being uncomfortable around the "bi" kids on my bus?
|
Ok, first time poster here, so hey, not too rough!
I'm a 13 year old Male 7th grader from TX if that makes any difference.
At my middle school, the girls think its "cool" to be a LGBT+ . Not cool in as "neat" and move on, but cool as they pretend to be bisexuals and take pride in announcing it multiple times a day. They wear gay pride shirts and all that too, but very obnoxiously. And the thing is I wouldn't care that much if not for them milking it for popularity. But this experiance made me hate these kinds of individuals especially:
So I take the bus home from school and there's these 2 girls (one 7th and one 8th) that say there bi or lesbian very often. Whenever they get in trouble they use their "sexuality" as an excuse. Even though I'm from Texas my school is VERY liberal. It usually works, too.
So one day I was on the bus and they were pretending to have sex. Making sounds and all that, climbing on top of each other in their seats. Then they started too reach under their shirts and it got worse and worse. (Thankfully none of them went nude.)
This made me very uncomfortable and I told them they were making people uncomfortable and to stop. The bus driver didn't do anything about in fear of getting reported by them.
So I was wondering, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ambaqp
|
{
"description": "not paying the insurance excess",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not paying the insurance excess
|
I live on a farm on a hilltop. My driveway is gravel and very steep. It's far from the worst rural driveway but you can't drive a sportscar up it. I am always warning people to be super careful if they walk up or down my driveway and to only do it if they are wearing good shoes.
My sister has a sportscar. She came to a dinner at my house and she parked her car at the bottom of my driveway and walked up. Later when she walked down she slipped on the gravel and broke her leg. She was wearing ugg boots.
On the night this happened she didn't tell me she was injured. She just went home.
She had some time she was unable to work. She works from home but there was some loss of time because of pain. She had a few medical expenses. Not much because (a) she has private health insurance and (b) most costs are covered by the government here.
She made a claim on my public liability insurance. She didn't tell me she was doing this. The insurance company says they will pay her claim, some thousands of dollars, mostly covering lost earnings from her time off. Before they can pay her claim I have to pay a $500 excess on my policy. I can't pay the excess because I don't have the money. She knows I don't have the money. She offered to loan me the money to pay the excess.
I think she should give me the money to pay the excess out of the money she gets from the insurance company because it wasn't my fault she was injured. She knew the condition of my driveway and chose to walk it in poor footwear.
TLDR; Sister broke leg on driveway she knew she shouldn't walk down in Ugg boots and now wants me to pay $500 insurance excess.
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HISTORICAL
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ab1917
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{
"description": "not wanting to use my moms dirty diahes",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: for not wanting to use my moms dirty diahes?
|
My mom obviously needs to do better washing her dishes. There is often stuff stuck to them when she puts them out for use. Today we found a plate in the cabinet that had a deviled egg from Christmas stuck to the bottom. It has been several days since Christmas. I brought it up and she said that she needs a new dishwasher. I asked how it got put away like that and she said that she must have grabbed them as a stack and did not see. She even said I sounded judgemental . It has my fiancee grossed out (as with at least me but probably everyone who notices). My fiancee is at the point where she wants to bring paper plates so that we don't have to use my mom's dishes when we visit.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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au3d9q
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{
"description": "telling my ex to communicate with his kids",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my ex to communicate with his kids?
|
Ok, AITA here?
Background. Together 20+ years. Ex cheated and then ran off with the woman he cheated on with and left behind myself and two kids. I’m over all this, but it’s not been an easy road. He pretty much abandoned the kids. I’ve worked with them and tolerated a lot of shit from the two of them (passive aggressive bullshit, like notes pinned to their clothes telling me how to remove stains). That’s annoying shit, but they are rude and aggressive towards me, undermine me, tell the kids lies about me etc etc.
The kids no longer see their dad, but he and his wife (stepmother) still think they can dictate terms re the kids. (11 and 16).
Dad has spoken to eldest once since November.
Youngest hasn’t heard from him in weeks. They don’t care.
I’ve decided that it’s his job to fix his relationship with the kids, not my job anymore. I realised that I’ve been trying to ‘fix’ things forever, and emotionally it’s bloidy draining, so I’ve decided to drop the rope as such, and leave them to it. It my circus, not my monkeys.
Here’s the situation.
They just had a micro premie baby. We’re talking under 28 weeks. He sent a message through to both kids. They showed me. One sent back a quick reply and hadn’t wanted to talk about it since. The other didn’t reply at all. Doesn’t care.
Ex texted me. It’s not going great with their new baby. Whilst I’m sad for the baby, it’s not my job to relate information to the kids from him. I understand it’s an emotional time for them both, but emotionally this is not my problem.
Of course I’ll talk with my kiddos if they want to talk about it, but I feel like this info needs to come from him. Not from me. I need to stay well out of it for my own emotional well-being.
So, am I the asshole here fir not wanting to be the one delivering ‘their’ sad news re a child that is naught to do with me?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aimt0d
|
{
"description": "taking my xbox account back",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for taking my xbox account back?
|
So I have have multiple accounts for my game. I let one of my best friends irl use one of the accounts because I didn’t use it very often. After maybe a month of him using it on and off I decided to try and go on it and he changed the password I asked what was the password and he told me. ( I forgot why he changed it) after maybe another month or so I’m playing with him and we are losing a few games and he’s not on the account rn so I tell him to wait a min I’m going to get my other account. The second i join the party back he starts freaking out and yells at me and eventually signs me out of the account. I start texting him trying to figure out what he’s so mad over and he’s telling me I’m fucked up for stealing his account. I tell him it was mine all along I just let him use it he was not happy about that and after a while of going back and forth he says something about deleting it. I go back on the account and the character is gone. He told me he was stopping me from stealing his stuff. He also told me that he wasn’t going to let me have what he worked for even though I was still going to let him use it. So I contact the support of the game and they put the guy back on the account. After I get it back I send him a picture of me getting it back. (I knew I was gonna make him mad) He was not happy at that calling me fucked up and telling me to kys and saying more toxic things. I haven’t talked to him since it’s been about a day.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ax2bzs
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{
"description": "confronting my mom for inviting people to my birthday without my permission",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for confronting my mom for inviting people to my birthday without my permission
|
I'm on mobile, so sorry for bad formatting. Also, this isn't nearly as drastic as some of the other things on this subreddit, so sorry if this doesn't belong here.
My (13m, turning 14) birthday is coming soon, and I've invited some friends to watch the movie Captain Marvel and maybe play Super Smash Bros Ultimate if there's time after. Coincidentally, my aunt wanted to spend that same weekend at my parents' house, and have her kids (13f and 10-11m) see that same movie with me. This aunt lives several hours away from us and we see each other only occasionally, and when we do meet, they usually end up talking to each other, leaving me to either stand next to them in awkward silence, sit with the adults which usually also ends with me being awkwardly silent, or start looking at my phone. So it's not like I'm that close to any of them. My mom explained the situation to my aunt, and offered for her kids to join my birthday party. Aunt specifically asked if I would be uncomfortable with this, and my mom, without consulting me first, says that it won't be a problem. I wouldn't have mind if it was just me and them, but I have other friends there already. I don't want to worry about entertaining them too, so AITA
|
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RIGHT
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b2fqw9
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{
"description": "not allowing a homeless vet to use the washroom at the hotel I work at",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not allowing a homeless vet to use the washroom at the hotel I work at?
|
I am asking because I feel like an asshole but I am also standing by what happened, so if I am an asshole in this situation then that's ok.
I work night shifts at a hotel so all my interactions with this man have been around 3 in the morning. The first night he came in looking for a room for him and his dog, I told him I couldn't help him because he had no money but gave him a number to call for victim services and vets canada that often pay for people to stay in situations like this. I also called him a cab that gives free rides after 2am.
The next day, I come into work and he is staying. He had called one of the numbers I gave him and vets canada was paying for his room. All good. 3am rolls around and he stumbles out of his room and starts yelling at me for not giving him a room last night and for calling him a cab. Apparently his dog attacked the cab driver and was taken from him, for which he blamed me.
The next 4 days he proceeded to harass every staff member. He yelled at everyone, would watch porn on the business center computers, he made the front desk staffs lives hell for those 4 days. He also got meals paid for by vets canada, so he got to eat at the buffet located in the hotel, but he would wear these oil covered gloves and touch all the food, literally running his hands through the rice, so the restaurant started to refuse to feed him. I still tried to help, I told the buffet to just pack up some food to go and it could be delivered to his room.
Well, he eventually harassed vets canada so much that they called us and told us not to extend his stay. I thought that was the end of it. Until he came in 20 minutes ago asking to use our public washrooms. They are public washrooms, so anyone can technically use them but I told him no because I feared that if we continued to let him in the hotel, then we would never get rid of him and he would continue to harass everyone. So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
QFC2q6gCuVEJBiGgLoHhSgj2yxRUpxFR
|
b6siu4
|
{
"description": "not inviting my cousin to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not inviting my cousin to my wedding?
|
Hi!
So to start, the deed is done. My wedding was in May of last year and I stuck to my guns and did not invite my cousin, but my mom brought it up recently since we're coming up on our one year anniversary so I figured I'd ask; AITA?
For my wedding my husband and I decided to have a smaller (40 person) wedding located in the state we moved to rather than either of the states our families are from. I come from a really large family (5 aunts/uncles on my moms side and 3 uncles on my dad's, plus a shit load of cousins) so we had to be pretty selective about who we invited. We knew due to the location/timing a lot of both of our families wouldn't be able to attend, so we both created lists of definite yeses, nos, and maybes to determine who we could reasonably invite and not overload the house. I invited both of my mother's sisters (Sally and Kate) and a named plus one for each. I figured Sally and her +1 were not going to be able to attend, and we based our invitation and headcount on this assumption.
Both Sally and Kate attended my sister's wedding in 2015 but they traveled as a pair then. Unfortunately Sally has some pretty serious health issues and would be unable to travel for my wedding, and the same for Kate's long-term partner. Kate told all of this to my mother rather than me, and insisted that if she was going to come to the wedding I needed to invite her daughter Jan and Jan's two kids so that Kate wouldn't have to travel alone.
For a lot of reasons that I don't really feel the need to go into Jan and I do not get along. No one in my immediate family really likes Jan or being in her company, and none of us have met her children. Due to these reasons as well as the fact that we simply did not have room for two unexpected guests and that we didn't invite any of my other cousins I decided not to invite Jan and her kids to the wedding. I knew this meant Kate wouldn't attend, but I chalked that up to it being her choice to not want to travel solo.
Well, this really pissed Kate, Jan, and my mom off. My mom pestered me for a month straight to just give in and invite Jan, but I wouldn't budge. Neither Kate nor Sally officially RSVP'd, and I haven't heard anything from either since - not even a congratulations. Jan posted some snarky stuff on facebook about knowing who your true family is as well. These actions kind of hurt me as these were my two favorite aunts and I had been close to them growing up, but my mom thinks it is a reasonable reaction for me being a jerk and not inviting them. So AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
YrEF1BeFO2LvMGYzXNDYOK0zo4tDqgQO
|
b553c6
|
{
"description": "being hypocritical to my younger brothers because I'm trying to set a good example",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA being hypocritical to my younger brothers because I'm trying to set a good example
|
I (23M) have two younger brothers 20 and 21. I used to smoke pot with my brothers and at school. Quit completely, for health and career reasons. Nothing wrong with my health, just know smoking cant be good for you. However, we all used to hit vapes and I quit that too... for the most part. I'm a hypocrite because while I tell them I dont smoke anymore, I actually do hit vapes when I'm drinking. I drink most weekends.
I tell them I dont smoke at all, becuase I'm their eldest and know they look at me to set an example. They might not say that to me, but from what my mother says and how they behave I know they do. Monkey see, monkey do. They smoke pot currently and I wish they would realize it's a waste of time and money. Not knocking anyone who does, especially for medicinal purposes. You do you. I just hold my brothers to higher standards because were very close and i want the best for them. However I know when you smoke pot you're not doing so as often with as much smoke and it's not physically addicting. However, I worry about vaping becuase I know it's something you experience withdrawals from because nicotine is physically addictive and smoking is just not healthy in any form. While I wish they wouldnt smoke pot, I know they could stop if they wanted to. However vaping is consuming an addictive substance through smoke, which is unhealthy mentally and physically to be dependent on and society, friend groups, etc. are pretty tolerant of vaping today. A safe alternative to cigarettes. I dont really think it's safe, but the verdict is out on that for the most part.
AITA for lieing to my younger brothers that I dont vape at all in hopes to set a good example and steer them away from potential health risks and addiction. Again, I dont smoke pot but i do vape when I drink. Not often but I'm still a liar when I say I don't vape at all.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
tbmdiFY3H5DyImClJM4dJr8yPPgQL5eJ
|
ayfxzo
| null |
AITA If bring my car to a shop just to get a problem checked without the intention of having them fix the problem?
|
So normally whenever I get car work done, outside of oil changes, I never do my work at a shop. Instead, if there is a problem that needs to be checked, I usually get it bundled with a oil change and I pay for the oil change and they'll check any issues I have for free. Then, once I find the issue, I'll buy any parts I need online and have them installed with a private mechanic. Recently, my car A/C and heater stopped working and I brought in my car to be checked. At the time, I didn't need an oil change and this was urgent since it was really cold and I needed my heater fixed ASAP. I brought in my car to the shop and after they figured out the issue, they gave me a quote and I told them thank you and I'll be picking up my car soon. The seems surprised I didn't want them to work in and I wasn't expecting that reaction since his shop normally does car checks for me. Anyways, this got me thinking, am I an asshole for doing this? I called them beforehand and told them I just needed my A/C-Heater checked to find out the problem. I never told them I wanted them to fix the issue today.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
GpKOGwoHPtjLHoB09duJPLNfYXI5V9Ep
|
apj3re
|
{
"description": "not wanting to move in with my best friend and his gf",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to move in with my best friend and his gf
|
We've been best friends for a few years and I love the guy but in the middle of January he met this girl on tinder and within two dates she moves in and they are trying to have a kid. Idk how old she is but he's only 20 and constantly blows off work to sleep with his gf. They are trying to get married and get a house already (they live with his parents) The thing is, she doesn't work and I know for a fact that he does not make enough money to support a whole family let alone himself.
When he told me and my other friends that we all should get a house together I declined and am instead planning to move in with my two other friends. Am I the asshole for not wanting to move into what I view as a disaster waiting to happen?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sm0gtFpvohbFMWkjEYhCntQJmk99eh1T
|
b1izpv
|
{
"description": "asking a friend to stay at a hotel one night for a mistake I (very stupidly) made",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for asking a friend to stay at a hotel one night for a mistake I (very stupidly) made?
|
Throwaway, blah blah.
So here goes: I have a friend from across the country coming to stay with us for a week. For some reason, even though I asked and confirmed times and dates multiple times, I kept thinking he was going to arrive tomorrow, not today.
Everyone in my family is perfectly okay with him staying here for the week, all good, but we all were expecting him tomorrow night, so there’s still a LOT we weren’t completely ready for.
I’m really really trying to be accommodating but I don’t think it’ll be possible. So, WIBTA if I asked him to stay at a hotel for one night? I’d even be willing to pay for it, I just feel really, really bad.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
sknC0vyFgeWCvAGXDr4vdlme32Jp2ZUr
|
alis6j
|
{
"description": "wanting to watch a WWE show instead of hanging out with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to watch a WWE show instead of hanging out with my friends.
|
So this happened about a year ago and due to recent events it has reminded me of the situation. So my friends (there are 3 of them) and I would always have problems when they wanted to hang out and I wanted to stay at home and watch wrestling. In fact, it happened so much that it seemed like they only wanted to hang out on days I had show (which was about one Sunday a month).
On one day they wanted to hang out and play Super Smash Bros. and I really wanted to do that, but I had a show. So I decided I’d hang out with them from 12-2 (the pre-show started at 2) and they knew I had a show and I had the intention to leave. So 2 comes and I want to leave, but my friends convince me to stay. I decide to because there really isn’t much on the pre-show. So 4 rolls around and I want to leave, but my friend goes on a complete rant about how I’d rather watch wrestling and not hang out with them and how it’s fake. So I awkwardly stick around for another hour.
That was that and we never really brought it up again and there was never another scheduling issue again. But, just a few days ago my friends wanted to hang out again, but as usual there was a show. It went better than last time because I actually had a bunch of homework to do before and after the show and one of my friends had homework to do as well.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
im5l9q9M8zh262MkUcYFUBE21m5jitli
|
aj0f3y
|
{
"description": "being this mad right now",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being this mad right now?
|
CONTEXT - I'm 15, my brother is 18. He drove us home from school. The garage door was closed and the alarm was on so my brother told me to enter from the back door to turn the alarm off and open the garage door so he could park. Now, our alarm is a little old, so for the key presses to be registered you have to press the buttons with a tiny bit of force, and my brother specified this. So, I entered the house and I had like 30 seconds or something to shut it down before it goes off and my parents were automatically called and told that there's been a break-in. Now here's where I'm a little foggy on the details: I entered the password with what I assumed was enough force, it didn't work. I did it again, this time I pressed the buttons harder, it didn't work. There were a few more failed attempts after that, so the alarm just went off. Now, in retrospect I think I pressed the button hard enough, either I didn't or my mother who set it up in the first place made some sort of mistake, but I'll never know for sure.
So I opened the garage so my brother would come in and try to set the damn thing off. He came in all confused, and I immediately apologised if I fucked up and told him I did exactly what he told me. He tried to enter the password a few times, and it didn't work for him either. He called me stupid and called up our parents to help him fix the issue, so he goes back into his car to talk without the ear-piercingly loud noise of the alarm system. He came back all pissed trying to fix it, and after a few attempts he made it stop, however our parents were still being called by the automated system. Apparently, in my panic while trying to enter the password for the millionth time, I accidentally reset the alarm so it would ring again, but for some reason it was silent (as I said, it's a little old). My brother was trying to fix it, while at the same time shouted at me, telling me that I should go cook (it was decided from before that I would make launch). After a few minutes I asked him if our parents are still being called, and he angrily said yes, and told me to shut up and cook. It eventually stopped though.
All throughout launch, he was pissed off and shouted at me like every 5 minutes. I told him that I did exactly what he said, and that I was sorry if I did make a mistake, but he just kept yelling at me and kept on telling me that I fucked up and that I'm stupid. He was mad about every single fucking thing I did:
1) The food was raw (while I wasn't in the best state of mind at that time, I will admit it was my mistake) and I offered him my plate, in which the meat wasn't raw but he insisted that we should eat together (still yelling and in an overly angry tone, but I appreciate him wanting to do that).
2) I asked him if he wanted me to give him some bread, and the only bread we had was for some reason in the freezer. He angrily muttered that I should put it back in the freezer, and I just didn't understand what he said since he muttered it, and he shouted that I should put it back, blaming me for not being able to hear him.
3) He sluggishly and lousily said that he forgave me, but told me that I shouldn't fuck up like that again. But then he yelled at me, complainimg that I wasn't "cheerful enough" (as if he was through the fucking roof).
What really infuriated me, is that he sluggishly (and still mad) asked me if I would be able to buy a snack from a kiosk close to us, or if I would fuck it up again. I, fed up, told him that I would make it, and he said that I would just fuck up (It was an expression that doesn't really have a direct translation in English, but it's a rude way of telling someone that they'll act incompetent when doing a task given to them). A minute after that I told him that I was going upstairs, and he angrily said that I'm going nowhere, and thay we were going to the kiosk. I said, infuriated, "Oh, I thought that we've established that I'm an idiot", to which he responded "Well that's because you are one". He then said that he was going alone so we wouldn't have to lock the house up, and as he was getting ready to leave he said he's sorry, more sincerely this time but still pissed, and told me to stop fucking up. He was gone, meanwhile I was back home kicking and punching furniture as a form of releasing my anger, and also keep in mind that the whole time I was holding back tears because I was pretty much my brother's toilet paper for like 45 minutes straight for something that might not have even been an honest mistake.
He came back all chill and playful (his usual behaviour when we're together), as if none of this happened, which I can appreciate 100%, but I can't help still being mad, and I bet that he's still convinced I'm stupid, which is why I'm writing this.
I know he still thinks so because he hasn't got the best of tempers, and whenever I make a mistake he just calls me stupid and incompetent, and in this case it went on for way too long. I fucking hate it that he thinks that, but there's nothing I can really do about it. I just wanted to ask you guys wether his forgiveness was enough or not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
NrND3nBWwiQemQOBWwa0QI1DmPEK6OXL
|
b0831u
|
{
"description": "refusing to help my sister with her gift for my parents",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For refusing to help my sister with her gift for my parents?
|
I have a sister who is five years older. Our relationship has never been great. She thought her own poor life choices were a reason why I got further and not that I worked and got scholarships and good grades.
It became even worse a few years ago. She didn't even come to my wedding. She told us it was because her young kid was too little to make the drive(like less than 2 hours) and it couldn't work with their work schedules(over memorial day weekend). We later found out this was a total lie as they already had a vacation planned at Myrtle beach(8+ hours away). Too many other various other small things of her slighting my wife and I.
The tipping point where we cut contact was three years ago at Christmas we were trying to set a meetup for dinner. To set the stage we all live at various points in the state. We live at the very south part of the state. Sister lives kinda the middle, parents live NE. We recommenced meeting up in the very middle to save my parents, who would have to drive the furthest, some time. My sister didn't want to do it. Basically said wants to meet up withing 20 minutes of her house tops. When we pushed back(we are driving over 2 hours as well, this would be making them drive only 45 minutes) they told my parents they would not be having dinner with them at all if we were there. That is when I cut contact with her on social media and have not talked to her directly since. That was over three years ago.
I know it was over three years ago because sine that time I have had a second child. My sister has not once called to congratulate me, to ask how either of my kids are. To ask to have our kids meet(we live an hour away). Nothing.
With that setup out of the way. My sister apparently wanted to create a collage photo set of all my parents grand kids (I have a second much older half-sister as well). She sent me a out of the blue "hey bud can you please send me an updated picture of your kids for a present for our parents". I did not respond at all. Eventually my half-Sister contacted me and asked me what was up trying to guilt trip me. I told her that if my sister cared that much, she can come drive to our house and get the pictures herself.
Needless to say. She did not come and get them. The present apparently just had a duplicate picture of her kid in it.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
PHMTzW9lseDfhy5HV5yy05qLFguyX5Sy
|
awkp3w
|
{
"description": "blocking my Ex's number",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for blocking my Ex's number?
|
A few days ago, I got a next from a number in our area at around midnight.
"Hello, is this still [my name]?"
I figured I knew who it was, because I haven't gave my number to anyone, and one wouldn't know your name unless they've met you. I said yes, and asked who it was.
[Start]
Her: "[Her name]
Who the hell would you think it is
man? The Jerry Springer show?"
Me: "Well, I wouldn't know. I haven't given my number to anyone for quite some time.
Anyways, haven't heard from you
in quite some time. What's up?"
Her: "Oh nothing really. What's going on with you? You missed my
birthday btw haha"
Me: "Nothing here"
Her: "Got a girlfriend yet Imao
I figured you did because of how
different you started acting. It's
okay you can tell the truth"
Her: "I mean it's fine dude, we can talk
about something else if you'd
rather do that"
Her: "I was just kinda wondering. But
it appears by your no reply I'd say
it's safe to say you'd rather not
unless you're writing me a
paragraph or something
I've been looking for a job"
[I wasn't able to respond for about 20 minutes here]
Me: "I haven't. Just isn't really a concern
for me at this time. Why do you
ask?"
Her: "Just wondering. I've got a lot on
my plate is all. I'm fighting for
someone in jail who's innocent by
myself. No evidence to convict
them, they took my phone, now
they're coming after me and it's
such a mess. I actually had a
family, they love me. Now because
of my dad and sister they're taken
from me"
Her: "I don't know why I just told you
all that..."
Her: "Ya may as well hear the rest of
my life too lol. I quit high school
because the AP's would stalk
me, look at me sexually, and
make my life a living hell. So I'm
trying to finish it online."
[End]
Now... I found some of these messages.. weird. First off, she immediately asks me if I found a girlfriend. Not sure what that was about, but it just seems like a weird way to talk after just starting a conversation to me. Then when I dont respond for more than a few minutes, she sends another message. Then another.
Another thing, is about the whole "fighting someone in jail" bit. I know family issues happen, but I have a hard time believing this. Same thing with the "dropping high school because of the AP staring at her inappropriately" part. The AP at my high school is a female (last time I checked, anyways, I dont go there anymore), and there's only one AP. Then, some classes you have to take in person as they cannot be taken online.
I asked a friend on discord what he thought about these messages, and he agreed with me that something didn't seem right. I discussed it with him for a bit, before coming to a conclusion to block her number and move on. She seemed to me like potential trouble from these messages, and I wanted no part in it.
TL:DR
Ex girlfriend texts me, I find some of her messages to be off, and I block the number.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
vAuhCQIjLq6OfRArQnWuQNsuCzHbJDoE
|
b84atk
|
{
"description": "not wanting a mentally or physically disabled child",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting a mentally or physically disabled child?
|
My girlfriend and I are a lesbian couple and have talked about having children. I never really wanted a child but if it’s with my current girlfriend, I think I would be okay with just one. Of course having children is going to be way into the future as I’m not ready to have children yet.
However, we were talking about this topic and we get to the point about Down Syndrome. I asked her, if the fetus had problems like Down Syndrome, what would you do?
At first she said she would abort it but then her view changed within 20 seconds and said she’d want to keep it. I told her that if the child cannot do anything by itself, lives in pain, and ultimately just doesn’t have good prospects for a suffering free life, I would like to abort it.
I wouldn’t say this was a pro-choice/pro-life argument, but it seemed like she was super into pro-life as she said things like “who do you think you are to end a baby’s life” etc.
I told her that’s fine if she wants to keep the baby, but I wouldn’t want my child to suffer if they were born with fatal diseases, no limbs, no mobility, etc.
And before I get roasted, I completely understand and acknowledge that people who are born with disabilities can lead a promising and independent life, but not everyone is the same. I may sound selfish but other than not wanting my child to suffer, I also don’t want to be bound into taking care of a disabled child because I may grow to resent them.
She got pissy even though I showed her facts and told her as a nurse she should understand that doctors advise people to abort, not because their monsters, but because they’re thinking for the best of the child and mother. But she wouldn’t have it and said that all the doctors she met was just trying to protect the hospital from lawsuits or whatever.
She got mad and isn’t answering my messages or calls. I love her but I don’t know if it will work. I want to save this relationship because our opinions may change in the future. But we’ve only been dating for a little less than two years and I’m not ready to have babies.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
nioy1dq3mxoYDWvBsy9BjIkkmuMSH1Ba
|
a65jk4
|
{
"description": "throwing out expired food",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for throwing out expired food
|
Okay, this is my first time ever creating a post on reddit so if anything is wrong I'm sorry!! I'm a long time lurker of the bad roommates sub because, well, I have bad roommates. I thought about posting this on that sub but figured this is a more appropriate place since I am mostly wondering if I am the wrong in this situation.
My roommates are typical messy roommates who cant be bother to clean a thing. A few months ago our fridge contracted a horrible smell. It smelled like someone literally took a shit in the fridge. Whenever the fridge was opened, for even a second, this smell would creep out and linger in the kitchen for what seemed like forever. Roommates would open the door and say, "it smells in here!!" but would any of them take the initiative to figure out what was causing the smell? Of course not. So one day I took it upon myself to get rid of the horrible smell. I decided to take everything out and throw away anything that was expired or moldy. There were so many containers full of old, moldy left overs I nearly puked. I sucked it up, got everything bad out of the fridge and Cloroxed all of the shelves and surfaces. I sent a snapchat to my roommates to let them know I was doing this. They didn't say anything, no thank you or concern as to what I was throwing away. To avoid the smell coming back and having to do this disgusting chore again, I made this a regular chore for me. At the end of every month I go through the fridge and throw away anything that is expired or moldy. I've been doing this for over 6 months with no problems.
About a month ago (beginning of Nov.) roommate's mom took her grocery shopping. Roommate's mom bought her a lot of healthy (perishable) food, stuff she wouldn't typically buy herself (apples, carrots, orange juice, squash, grapes, ext.) now roommate is hardly ever home because she spends most of her time at school or her boyfriends house, she is also the one who is notorious for letting things go bad in the fridge. The grapes (looked like they were never touched) went bad after 2 weeks so I tossed them, nothing was said about this. The apples ended up being thrown away, and the carrots are still sitting in there unopened. So the orange juice sit in the fridge (unopened) all of November, at the end of November I do my normal fridge cleaning but leave the orange juice in there (even though it is expired) because it has never been opened so I figure it could still be good for awhile since its still sealed. We had a snow storm this past weekend so my BF and I bought a bunch of food in case we were snowed in. I rearranged the fridge to accommodate all of our new groceries and noticed the expired orange juice was still in there unopened. At this point I figured she clearly isn't going to drink this orange juice and it is now over a week expired so I threw it away. It is now a whole week since I threw it away and now there is a note in our fridge asking where her orange juice is. I wish I had a picture of the note it basically says, "who 1. threw my orange juice away or 2. drank my orange juice I didn't get even one drink blah, blah, blah" There has been no discussion about this although we have seen each other in person at least 3 times since the note went up.
When I threw it away I felt like it was really wasteful but it was expired and I figured nobody wants to drink expired orange juice. Also, it sat in there for over a month (expired for at least 2 weeks) and she never wanted it and now that is gone she all of a sudden wants her orange juice so bad. Also, it hasn't been in there for a whole week and she just now noticed so I don't think she really cared about the orange juice all that much. She also didn't pay for it, her mom did, so its not like she is out any money. It also makes me mad she put a note in the fridge when I was standing in the kitchen with her when she hung it up, she could have just asked me??? I guess mostly I'm just wondering if I am in the wrong here. I feel like some people are going to say to just let her throw out her own bad food but if I did the whole fridge would be full of expired food and like I said, it hasn't ever been a problem and I've been doing this the majority of the time we have lived in the house.
A little side story (her petty note put me in a petty mode) the squash her mom bought her is still on the counter and yesterday I looked at it and its covered in mold, instead of throwing it away I put it in clear view, you know, just in case she likes expired squash as well as expired orange juice. \*insert eye roll\*
​
Sorry this post is so long! Any feedback is appreciated, I don't like confrontation, and I feel like what I did wasn't bad but I would like an outsiders opinion! Thank you!!
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 10,
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|
RIGHT
|
Cnx2dWyg6nObGGxus4UCorg4zr17jrox
|
aw1cdq
|
{
"description": "telling a friend that she smells awful",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling a friend that she smells awful
|
Context: I sat next to a girl at lunch named neveah and she was a decent person I suppose but her hygiene was pretty fucking terrible every time She sat next to me that strong smell kept on coming with her I even took multiple long showers before and after school to make sure it wasnt me after finding out I tried to tell her as gently as I could by saying "Neveah I'm not trying to be mean here by any means but you kinda smell bad" she seemed so offended and hasn't talked to me in about 2 months aita?
(Clarification) she isnt poor as she boasts about her family's wealth and whatnot
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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|
RIGHT
|
vJJreIhyWMzXdvtCL4VpDIVM7coxYtI0
|
aj3ypu
| null |
AITA? Broke up with my girlfriend the day after valentines after she made an account online to post pictures of me
|
I met this girl in my Spanish class. Within the first month of knowing each other she told her twin sister to tell me that she liked me. It was awkward to say the least, but I told her I was flattered and wanted to get to know her more before we got into any relationship
After she asked her sister to ask me out for her we started talking more and she made no one moves on me and didn't try to flirt at all. Eventually I asked if she was still interested and wanted to go on a date, she said yes. since we already knew each other well we agreed that going out to get to know each other was pointless, so we agreed a casual movie date at my house would work out better. On the day of our date I waited for her to arrive. I see her car pull up and wait by the door to greet her. She waves and gets out of the car. I see her twin sister also get out of the car, I assumed they were switching seats and her sister was going to get back into the car. She didn't. Their friend waves goodbye to them and drives away, without her sister.
All I can say is that it was the most awkward date of my life, I two small couches the twins sat together and I was off to the side on the other. Eventually her sister got up, smiled at me and told me I could take her seat, I thanked her and went to go sit by my date. The sister walked into the corner of the room, sat down on the floor, and started recording me and my date sitting together. It was awkward and after a while I asked her to stop
I was relived when they left, getting text messages from my friends that they had gotten the videos of me. I didn't want one bad date to ruin it all so I pushed it to the back of my mind and continued to date her. After awhile she stopped responding to my texts in words and started responding in gifs, only gifs.
Valentines day rolled around, I surprised her with a small thing of chocolate and a small palm sized teddy bear key chain, I didn't think I needed to get her anything big since the relationship was so short. She thanked me and then didnt speak to me for the rest of the day.
That night a friend of mine messaged me telling me that she had found something really creepy on this weird unpopular app she uses to get people to rate her art and give her advice. She sends me a link and tells me to make an account. I thought she was going to show me some weird piece of art so I made an account just to humor her. I saw pictures of me. Pictures I had taken and pictures I hadn't taken. I look through the account and Its full of my pictures, my information, and random facts about me. All the captions of the photos are something like "Today he smiled at me, he's so hot, like if you would fuck him" Even if the account didn't have many followers it was still full of information that I didn't want on the internet.
I go through the account and find videos my girlfriend had taken, worried that someone had taken the videos from her phone I text her. I tell her I found an account online full of my info and pictures, and that I wanted to make sure her phone didn't get hacked. She asked what the account name was and then declared the account was hers. She refused to answer any questions about it and she hung up on me. I reported the account and got it taken down a few hours later.
The next day before class she screamed at me, telling me it took her forever to get that many followers on that account and that I was being selfish since she took the pictures she had the right to post them. I told her I found it creepy and weird that she hadn't asked me, and I didn't like my information being online for everyone to see. She told me I was ungrateful because she was making me famous. I told her I was breaking up with her. I told our teacher I wasn't feeling well and needed to go to the nurse.
The weekend went by and I got spammed by her sister and her friends that I was an asshole who broke her heart and I had to get back together with her. I got to class on Monday to see she cut her hair to her chin and dyed it bleach blonde. Her sister passed me a note saying she changed herself because of me and I needed to get back together with her or I was an asshole.
​
Was I the asshole?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 6,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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