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oN0NV3PDwOTlZ6PMk6IYcpWIeDDXjcXQ
|
a4y8pi
|
{
"description": "getting offended at a friends joke",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting offended at a friends joke
|
This is so petty and dumb I just don't have anyone else to talk to. So I have this group message between some of my friends and friend's friends. My roommate who ive been friends with for about 8 years likes to make it a habit of collecting unflattering pics of me. Usually just pics of when I was drunk in college years ago or pics he took of me with the flash in my face. Anyways he posted this particularly unflattering pic of me on the group message board. I mean im not a vain person but to me it just feels like why else would you post an embarrassing picture of someone if not to embarrass them? I asked him privately to stop posting pics of me on there and that I thought it was hurtful to just post an unflattering picture of me cause its a mean spirited joke. Anyways, we have been arguing for about three days about this. He says I have some nerve to even ask and that I'm questioning our friendship and his integrity by thinking that he would post the picture to embarrass me. On top of that he tells me he's been showing the picture to a bunch of other people to see if they agree with him. I just feel like im being highroaded here. I see it as if your friend is embarrassed by something you would just apologize and explain it was just in fun and keep it moving. What should of been a simple incident has really blown up into a giant fight, we just renewed a lease but I don't even know if we will be talking after the fight we had. Am I in the wrong here for even telling my friend I thought his joke was mean spirited or am I just being sensitive?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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OTHER
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{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
z7YWH9FE4PslstcyuilsSSasQpvZwU6N
|
aqzbjy
|
{
"description": "being mad the girl I have been talking to spent Valentine's day with another guy",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being mad the girl I have been talking to spent Valentine's day with another guy
|
I (M20) am angry at the girl (F19) I've been talking to for a month spent Valentine's with another guy. We've been on a few dates, and things seemed to go pretty well. She seems to have really opened up to me, and has made it clear several times that she didn't have a boyfriend and her parents told her not to date in college until sophomore year (she's a freshman, I'm a sophomore). She's come to me with very personal problems and I've been there for her, she even invited me to go with her to Canada during spring break just the two of us. We had talked about doing something on Valentine's day, but never made a concrete plan. Yesterday, she left me on read at Noon, I thought nothing of it thinking she probably had classes. Sent her a snap a few hours later and she left that on read too. At around 9 I saw her with another guy, and got mad. She got mad when I left her on read that night and said that we never made any real plans, and that I shouldn't be mad. I had bought her some things for Valentine's day and was going to ask her to make it "official" that we we're dating. AITA for being upset?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Kr4YGUapdNrk9f4YL9AfKq4BJcGc02pM
|
adho9c
|
{
"description": "not forgiving a good friend for Hooking up with another friend while visiting",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for Not Forgiving a Good Friend for Hooking up with another Friend while Visiting
|
To save some people some reading here's a TLDR;
Former Ex asked to be brought to a party while in town visiting and hooks up with one of my friends while he was drunk.
Long Boring Story:
We dated for a while but ended it as she moved out of town. Long story short we still talked a bit but nothing more than friends. Some time later she comes to town to visit (this was highschool so things are a bit less exciting) and asks for me to take her to a party as she didn't really keep contact with anyone.
I agree and fast forward to the party I'm having a good time socializing with friends and whatnot, but since I brought her I hadn't seen her since we walked in door. Chalking it up to the party being large I paid it no mind, and stayed mostly sober seeing as I was DD that night.
On the other hand, the other friends I had were much more intoxicated and eventually breaks off from the group. Long story short she was sober and he was drunk when they went and hooked up in my car. I'm aware of this and keep my cool for the most part, and when we leave to hop to the next party I leave the drunk friend behind, however petty it may have been.
The rest of the night goes off without a hitch, and the next day I get a few texts from him apologizing and I respect it.
On the other hand the girl texted me that same night first claiming she was disgusted with my drunk friends. Then moved on to claim she was drunk as well at the time (though she drove her and a friend to and from the party).
After not responding o get another flurry of texts from her then her friend ranging from excuses such as the drunk example, to eventually calling me an asshole as she had driven 4 hours from her home town and now she wouldn't be able to go to any more parties in that time.
Needless to say I stopped contact with her from that point on, but after discussing it with other peers later in life I always wondered if I overreacted in completely cutting off contact, or if there was more blame to be shifted to my drunk friend (of whom I still know and am in contact with).
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
AgRkEgR3ZEA4Dicxeem6ujdEuItmrkk9
|
a8merl
|
{
"description": "being mad that my cousin hated a gift I bought for her kid",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for being mad that my cousin hated a gift I bought for her kid?
|
So unbelievably pissed off right now. I really do hope that there is some part of this situation I am not seeing, and that I am the asshole, because as it stands I am ready to cut this branch of my family tree off and never speak to them again.
My (female) cousin has 3 kids (actually she has 4 but she gave one of them up for adoption when the kid was a teenager. But that's neither here nor there.) The two older girls are preteens and the youngest boy is 6. Anyway she and her live-in bf have been having money troubles all year.
I will admit, the two older girls were OK when they were younger but they are both turning out snarky and sarcastic and I don't have a lot of love for them. But the 6YO is a sweetheart. I visited for Thanksgiving and saw that his mom and her bf are constantly screeching at him and giving him punishments for the stupidest of slights: "you left your coloring book on the kitchen table so go to your room without lunch" or "you didn't immediately say Yes Ma'am when I called your name so now you can't play outside". I spent Thanksgiving Day playing with him and I love the little guy. He's so creative and bounding with energy.
Cousin's mom told me that Cousin was having to delay Christmas this year because they didn't have money to buy gifts. (My aunt is on disability and had already stopped giving presents of any kind years ago when her children became adults.) She said my cousin's older girls knew that they were going to get gifts in January instead of December and were OK with that. HOWEVER. The 6YO still believes in Santa Claus, and so would see his friends and neighbors getting presents from Santa and think Santa "skipped" him. They were going to deal with the issue by telling him there is no Santa Claus. (I was horrified at this. What a terrible way to find out.)
Apparently a local charity was giving away used bikes, and the 6YO was looking forward to possibly getting one, but his name wasn't drawn and he was disappointed. His Christmas letter to Santa only mentioned the bike.
I found a decent bike online for $100 that would be there in time for Christmas. I asked my aunt if she could put it together (she's handy) and she said yes, so I went ahead and ordered it to be shipped to her house, as she is their neighbor and I didn't want 6YO to see it before Christmas morning. Note that I normally don't order anything for my cousins and vice versa, because there are so darn many of us.
I called and told Cousin that a bike for 6YO would be arriving at her mom's house. She was pissed. Why didn't I order something for the other two girls as well. I told her money was tight with me too, but I really wanted the 6YO to have Christmas magic a little while longer, while the other girls would be happy with presents later.
She said that 6YO would be calling me to tell me thank you. I told her to please tell him Santa sent it, don't mention me at all. That's the whole point of the gift. She insisted that 6YO is going to know I sent it. Wouldn't take no for an answer.
I tracked the package on Fed Ex and saw that it had arrived at my aunt's. I called to ask how the setup was going. Aunt was very vague, said Cousin's BF had borrowed her tool set earlier ("I forgot"), so she had allowed them to take the bike box home with them. OK, fine.
Cousin texted me later that BF was having trouble putting the bike together. OK...
Then she texted "the bike is missing some parts". ?? It's brand new! But I guess that's a possibility. I asked her to send me a list of what parts were missing, and I could talk to the manufacturer and get them to send spares. (she never did. Claimed she wasn't sure what they were.)
Then she texted that since the bike is missing parts, she's not going to give it to 6YO until after Christmas, when she can fix it, because it's unridable and it would be cruel to give him something he can't ride. !!!
THEN the kicker. Today, 3 days before Christmas, she texted me that she had sold the bike to her neighbor for $20. I told her that the whole "bike is missing parts" thing was bullshit, finally she said "well it's also because 6YO got in trouble for hitting his sister" and was being punished. I was PISSED. She told me I had no right to interfere with her parenting, or her punishments, or her plan to "make the little shit grow up" by telling him the truth about Santa, that I was being mean to her daughters by only buying the youngest one a gift, and that I should have just sent cash but "you wanted to play the family hero". (I asked what she spent the $$ on and Cousin said "None of your business", so I'm also curious - is she correct?)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
RIGHT
|
cwgE3WxC8Y3PZVqhdRHoQWp7tcQpJpiU
|
a6uzsr
|
{
"description": "accidentally leading on my friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for accidentally leading on my friend?
|
Sorry this is novel-length, I'm really bad at organizing my thoughts.
So basically I (F21) have been pretty close friends with this guy (M26) for a couple years now. We hooked up a couple of times this February but I eventually told him that I wasn't in a place where I wanted to be sexual/romantic with anyone but that I truly enjoyed his friendship and thought he was a lovely person. He took it really really well and we remained good friends.
However, a couple months later, he found out through mutual friends that I had been dating around a little bit and he started to make moves again. I would always shut this down by like trying to physically avoid his efforts-- I once literally booped his nose and backed away to avoid him kissing me, which I realize is really immature even if it's kind of a funny anecdote-- and if he didn't get the hint I would occasionally re-state that I wanted to be friends and didn't want anything sexual to happen.
So fast forward to earlier today, I went over to his house to do some vegan baking (which I realize was probably too intimate a setup for someone who I have these kinds of interactions with) and he flat out asks me at the beginning if there is likely to be making out later, and I said no.
However, once the brownies are in the oven and we're just kind of talking in his room, I notice that he's getting really physically close to me and I kind of look away and try to just keep the conversation going because I'm afraid I know where this is headed. Right on cue, he starts kissing me. I kind of don't react much and he gently pushes me back onto his bed and gets on top of me. I feel uncomfortable but like start kissing him back a bit almost on autopilot (for reference, I have a history of experiencing sexual/relationship violence and sometimes fall into bad patterns where I do things I don't really want to do which I realize is bad and confusing), until he pushes things a little too far and I finally tell him to stop and he does. But afterward he kind of just lies next to me on his bed like stroking my body a bit until I get up to check the brownies because I feel really uncomfortable and skin crawly. Throughout the rest of the evening it's a lot of him trying to initiate things and me kind of awkwardly dodging him until I eventually tell him I want to go home. He is always really polite and accommodating.
He's not a bad guy at all and whenever I am really clear and assertive he absolutely respects my boundaries, so I feel like I probably just need to grow up and learn how to express what I need more clearly. It's just often really difficult for me to do that in the moment, and I often end up either not giving a clear verbal "no" or even sometimes end up giving what could def be misconstrued as a non-verbal "yes". I also spend time with him because he is legitimately a really close friend who I don't want to lose but I feel like me continuing to agree to meet up with him could also be super confusing (one of my friends even heard about this meeting and joked about how "come bake at my house" is overtly code for "come hook up with me"). I'm worried that my behavior is both causing him emotional distress and potentially messing up his ideas of consent because I sometimes seem to respond to him being too persistent. So, am I an asshole for causing all this confusion?
TL;DR: although I have told my friend I want us to stay platonic, I am not super assertive about it, sometimes respond in an encouraging way to his advances, and keep spending time alone with him so I'm worried I'm unfairly encouraging romantic behavior that I don't want.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Ldm9anAwZWmElVV2Pu9GNSKkMIHwi63s
|
agzh0x
|
{
"description": "giving minimal notice when quitting my job",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I gave minimal notice when quitting my job?
|
I work in a mental health clinic as a sort of triage therapist - we do assessments for walk-in clients, get them set up with services, make referrals, do crisis plans, that sort of thing. Our team has about 12 people, of a max of 15 or so. I've been here 3 years and never seen it fully staffed. Over the last few months, I've been talking with my b/f about us moving in together and it effectively has to happen this spring or we wait a year, so it's going to happen this spring, and would involve me moving about an hour away. I'm an openly gay guy (this will be relevant later), but most people don't make that assumption on meeting me. Upon starting here, there was a very vocal "expectation" - but not requirement - made that clinical staff is expected to give a month's notice. I've told my coworkers/direct supervisor of the rough plan, but things have progressed and a real chance I'll be quitting a lot sooner than this spring.
Why I think it'd be NTA for me to quit - The company has a history of screwing people over who put in a lot of advance notice. I've seen this happen twice in my department, alone - they announce yearly bonuses or quality of life changes that only apply "if you haven't put in your resignation yet" and then wouldn't pay them out, even if you were 2+ months from leaving - again, I saw this happen firsthand. Further, I feel a little like, "Screw these guys," as when I'd interviewed for an internal position, the director had told me, "We don't want someone who's a gay as a supervisor." I haven't reported it to HR (yet), as I didn't want to ruin my referrals/look spiteful for not getting the job. Unfortunately, there weren't any witnesses/I didn't record it, but I do plan on reporting it as soon as I have another offer.
Why I think it'd be YTA for me to quit - Until I officially put in notice, they can't start looking to hire a person to replace me. These positions historically are hard to fill and take a good month to train someone. I have a great team, it's a hard job, and I don't want to screw them over. Plus, it's not massively "professional" to quit suddenly. I don't have any reason to think that yearly bonuses/raises are coming, as they're almost always in June/July, so I realistically don't think I'd miss out in that arena.
So...judge away.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
taQbupKHQQyz2LToTbw9ZhvnQKUQOfnb
|
aghxpc
| null |
AITA I dont like my autistic cousin
|
Background: I'm 26 years old and have just finished college. I moved out in fall of 2013 where this begins. About 5 years (late 2013-early2014) ago my family lost 3 members within 3 months. My grandpa, grandma, and aunt. I lived with my mother, grandpa and grandma and another aunt with a mental disability. During this time my clinic diagnosed psychopathic cousin (whose mother had just passed away) had a child aged 1.5 and was also staying with us. She was constantly on drugs and would subject her kid to both physical and mental abuse. My mother and grandparents ended up reporting her to CPS and my mother was granted guardian. She made no attempt to mother the child and since the passing of my grandparents my mom and aunt that lives with me, take care of him. He has been diagnosed with autism and has an IQ ~70. He speaks but only gibberish that he hears from the TV, with no context to what he is saying. He knows no discipline in his life and constantly acts out when he doesn't get his way. I feel terrible that I don't want to connect with him, but at the same time I feel that one day I will be responsible for his well being, which I do not want to be responsible for. I only interact with him by repeating whatever he is saying from what he heard due to him wanting the attention. I'm just afraid of how his behavior is untamed and the fact that my mom isn't going to last forever.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ffysNpOfS9s7YQFVeO4m9Y1R9oIgcP5P
|
ba0i54
|
{
"description": "making an in appropriate joke to my coworker",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for making an in appropriate joke to my coworker?
|
We were having a team meeting and she was wearing a really revealing top. I said to her “it looks like you brought the puppies out tonight”as a joke. She looked at me and said it was extremely inappropriate to make that comment. She went on and said more things like “I didn’t come to work to get sexual remarks from you” etc
While I do agree that it was inappropriate.. however she has done inappropriate things to me at work like punch my balls “as a joke” (twice) so I was genuinely confused how I’m the asshole for making that comment when she has done that which is much worst IMO.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
f3t8w9YcMLNexohuSSuLP7KHo73OYwLD
|
alqh48
|
{
"description": "making my mother cry",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for making my mother cry?
|
I don't really know how to write this so I'll just say what's on my mind. My parents are Christians and I don't really know if I believe in God right now. My mother has noticed and has tried to convince me in the last few days. Shouldn't really be a problem but she just won't leave me in peace. She will follow me and talk to me anywhere I go in the house. She tried to force me to promise that I'll try to return to Christianity again. I don't like promising to things that I don't want to do. Maybe this has stressed her out.
So today I was doing my own thing on my phone. She tried to ask me what I was doing cause she saw some pictures (Manga). I don't want to tell her what I'm doing because firstly I'm kinda annoyed by her constant tries to convince me to be a Christian and secondly if she finds out I'm reading manga my everyday life and privacy would be in danger. I want to keep secrets too. So I don't answer her question. She tells me that I am her son and should answer if she asks and that I'm disrespecting her. I tell her that I have secrets too and don't want to tell her everything in my life. She starts crying histerically and saying that she would've never dared to disrespect her parents like that and that Satan is making me do this. Guys I'm shaking because I don't want my mother to cry but I also value my privacy. Also I want my words to have weight. I want my no to be a no. If i give in this time I feel like she would know that I will give in again. AITA? Should I really share absolutely everything with her? I feel really manipulated but maybe I just expressed myself wrong? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
V8k17ryWczrlzRAwPU3WtjlGdJWHVX1C
|
axokl9
|
{
"description": "wanting more",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting more?
|
im a mid 30's guy, married with two kids. Both my wife and I work hard, and we have a very comfortable life. Thanks to strategery and cunning, we have a good amount of money in our savings and investments. Lately ive decided im done saving so much and its time to spend money on things I want rather than just saving it all. Ive been looking at a classic car, and maybe a small sailboat, ive been sailing all my life. the wife wants nothing to do with it- thinks were wasting our money and it would be better spent just saving it for when were older. I say as long as were doing everything we should, theres nothing wrong with spending it on things we really want. after a while, the conversation got heated. She asked "why arent you just happy with what we have? why do you need all this extra stuff?" so.... AITA for wanting to quit saving so much and start spending money on the things we/I want? ive told her that she can spend money on a big ticket item she wants, but we both need to be in agreement- so if she says no, I wont do anything. Should i feel bad?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
8GDHZmkP675Jfq2vL2LpFCBIp4UefkMX
|
axznwl
|
{
"description": "liking pictures on Instagram despite my ex getting really upset",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for liking pictures on Instagram despite my ex getting really upset
|
So basically I was with my ex for three years till I broke it off in October. We are both at seperate colleges. I broke up for three reasons. One was the distance, we were long distance and both of us were feeling emotionally worse off than when we started dating. Second was that I had found out a year into our relationship that she had been sexting my high school best friend through out that time and she lied to me about hooking up with him after the time we started going on dates and a few days before we officially started dating. When I found out, I was going to break up with her but she begged me not to so I stayed in the relationship (there's more to why I stayed but I won't go into it) and tried to get over it but never fully did. And third was that in October she wanted to go on a break but wanted to remain exclusive to each other and I agreed but about an hour into the break I found out she agreed to go on a date with a guy from her work. So we broke up in October and about a week later she started fully dating her friend from work. Now she has repeatedly texted me like once a week upset about me liking my different friends pictures. To give it more context when we were dating she went through old pictures of my friends to see which ones I had liked before we started dating and got upset about it and eventually made me delete my Instagram. Now after we broke up I made a new Instagram and she now goes through some of the girls I follow (she doesn't follow me and I'm private but she follows the people I follow so she can go through their likes and see my name) and gets furious and texts me how I'm terrible and how I misled her. The last instance was last night where she texted me 10 texts at 3am about how I am horrible for liking girls pictures. Also she is still dating her work friend they have been together five months and he doesn't know she texts me at all. So am I the asshole for liking pictures on Instagram even though she gets mad at me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
nCabe6lsRPnLaiZdScq2gDhotBZHrQ05
|
ajmjei
|
{
"description": "wanting breaking up with him",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting breaking up with him?
|
Hey,
So a quick summary:
I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend, it was wonderful at the start, then things became bad, he started to control me because of my past, accused me of actively cheating, calling me names for my past, being aggressive towards others. Then I wanted to break up and started flirting with another guy and fooled around with him, which was ABSOLUTELY a bad idea and I have told my boyfriend about that and we agreed to stay together, but so his accusations and calling me names continued. I'm not bad about that, it's still something I am unhappy about but it's my fault.
So that's the situation, and here how it's now, some months later:
He keeps on saying I'm cheating, often when I go to work, during work or when I come back. He can see where I am, and because of gps which is not always accurate, he calls me and says "where are you, you're fucking with him right?", etc and when I'm not answering, it's getting a lot worse. But I'm telling me here, I did this, it's my fault, I have to accept it.
What I'm annoyed about is that his mood can change so suddenly, which also happend before I cheated. One moment we are happy and joking, I look at him and hes like "you fucked someone today right?", and then starts to call me asshole etc.
Also I'm saying myself I have to accept that he's calling me names etc, but it does hurt, and I'm thinking of the future and I know he will never stop doing that, so what's the sense of staying with someone I've hurt so much that he will torture me my life with calling me names and sometimes being aggressive towards me?
Something unrelated to the cheating, he is often fighting with other people. When something is not right, he shouts at them. We have a neighbour, who is blocking the entrance for our car, and he instantly gets aggressive, calls him names, shouts at him etc. I tried to talk with the neighbour, but he was getting aggressive towards me for talking with him and trying to discuss the problem. This is the same for anything where someone is not agreeing with him, shouting at him, calling them names etc. He even did this in front of the police once.
I feel like I'm living with an antisocial person, and this makes me feel bad about myself and how other look at me.
I would have left already if this would be always like this, but it's not.
When we're at home, it's all fine, we have some fun together, we can laugh and cuddle. But if something is not alright, like me not cleaning up the room but instead playing games or me not giving him a kiss when he comes back, he's angry and either shouts at me or ignores me and I'm wondering, what his problem might be. That's his favorite two things, either being aggressive and calling me names, or ignoring me and making me wonder what I did wrong again.
And another moment, he's laughing, making fun of what just happend and kisses me. I'm totaly confused by this and can't make my mind up.
I'm thinking of breaking up but I just can't because it's not always this bad, and I fear that if I tell him that I'll break up with him, he cries and says that everything was a joke and that he loves me and then I can't say no.
I feel like that I went to early into this relationship, that I did not get to know the whole site of his. Now I see him being antisocial and aggressive towards neighbors and his family and it's also affecting me.
​
​
So what I want to know is
AITA if I break up with him now, or do I deserve it because I cheated?
Or AITA for not breaking up with him, because I do not deserve him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
W5gBqNhkRyP0EkHkadIRG8Y2mDRn32fk
|
atnvuw
|
{
"description": "glancing at my girlfriend to see her opinion on something",
"pronormative_score": 132,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for glancing at my girlfriend to see her opinion on something
|
This evening I (21/M) was invited by my GF (of 11 months) family to the restaurant to enjoy some pizza and have a good time.
At the end of the meal her big sister (mother figure in the family) asked me if I wanted to sleep at their house tonight. Not too sure about what to say I looked at my girlfriend to know if she was on board with the idea and wanted me to go to their home (I've slept there multiple times now). I turn down the offer saying I have things planned for tomorrow morning (I live pretty far from their home).
She immediately got angry because she felt like I could not make a decision by my self, and I was not a "real man" because I glanced at her for a few seconds. I got back home and I called her. She told me she was angry, I had no balls and we will talk again about it later.
Is it a big deal ? Am I the asshole here ? or is she turned off by what she sees as lack of confidence
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 129,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 132,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
4JActkJrPJPd8p4cqZ58VmdWLhN1M02h
|
asynw9
|
{
"description": "adopting a dog without my husbands permission",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
WIBTA for adopting a dog without my husbands permission?
|
We had a hard year. My husband accidentally killed our beloved dog, my dad died, and we had a baby. Our house is a bit small and a bit tight, but I miss having a dog so badly. So does my husband, but he is so torn up about the accident with our dog last May, he swears he never wants another one.
The animal shelter in the town here I work (kill shelter, rural, small, frequently full), just had to take in a senior dog, known to be good with kids, very friendly, well taken care of, and only given up because of a very sad blameless situation. I want this dog. I think our family could be right for the old girl. I do worry since new baby is an infant, and big girl is 2.5 years old, but I want to meet this dog and see.
WIBTA if I go adopt this dog on my own?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
6onSLsJuNd0zHks9hHcijJZuepVSBeKN
|
b716fq
|
{
"description": "cancelling on a friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cancelling on a friend?
|
I have known my friend for around 6 years and I really love her. She's smart, sassy and funny. However, she can sometimes be more of a taker than a giver when it comes to support. In February, I was kicked out by a friend/landlord out of the blue. We'd had a fairly insignificant argument - as far I was concerned - but he saw red and threw me and my dog out. I had nowhere to go at first, as my parents have two dogs of their own and mine is a rescue that hasn't really been socialised. I was absolutely heartbroken, as I thought I was going to have to give him up. I was texting my friend, telling her exactly what my ex landlord was saying when she replied "You're going to need to tell someone else, I can't cope with your shit right now."
I was taken aback and, honestly, pretty hurt. But, I took the hint and stopped trying to talk to her about this traumatic period of time. Last week, we met for coffee and she was really quiet. I waited for her to say whatever it was that she wanted to get off her chest and it turns out she'd been mad at me for weeks about me trying to talk to her about my housing situation. She still felt I was in the wrong, because I should have known she wasn't feeling OK (she'd never mentioned it at the time, despite me always checking in and asking her how she was).
Fast forward to today. I was supposed to go to her house tonight for a bridal party sleepover (she's getting married in September and I'm the Maid of Honour) as we're having hair and make-up trials in the morning. Around 3 hours ago, I text her and said I couldn't make tonight, but would still be there at 9am for the hair and make-up. I have multiple sclerosis and I'm having a bad day (pain and fatigue). If I'm being honest with myself, I could probably push through, and part of me feels like I should. I just really didn't want to be around her while I'm not feeling great.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
4scJr1cEmhBGfBPE1Mv66ODiKg1MrfPV
|
b03zs6
|
{
"description": "telling a colleague her dress is see-through",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling a colleague her dress is see-through?
|
I didn't do it in public. I saw her in the pantry alone when I noticed.
I didn't make any other comment other than that I can see her bra.
Last thing in my defense... she was wearing a jacket of sorts (not exactly sure about clothing nomenclature) so I thought the situation was 1 of 2 things.
1. It was a fashion statement and I just didn't know
2. She didn't realize, and now that she knew she can use her outer jacket to cover up
She cried and left early.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TGJE92Hg4lP1mMLknqYgxblEFllmS0aD
|
aqmpsg
|
{
"description": "not wanting to get to know my friends bf",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA because I don’t want to get to know my friends BF
|
Hey so I have this issue with my friend, let’s call her Grace. She’s great, super sweet and funny. We aren’t super close but we spend a lot of time with the same group of people.
So here is the problem:
I don’t really care much for her boyfriend, let’s call him Tom, because I don’t like how he treats people. It’s doesn’t really matter either because he is almost never around—he lives 3 hours away, and doesn’t visit that often.
Long story short, Grace found out I wasn’t too keen about Tom and I apologized for how that knowledge entered her frame of reference (I was drunk and spilled it), and I admitted that I was an asshole for bringing it up, and apologized profusely.
She forgave me for that, but told me that we probably can’t be friends if I don’t become his friend/try to get to know him.
I made it clear that have no intentions of spending time getting to know someone that I never see and don’t really like in the first place.
So, AITA? I think I might be, but also you can’t exactly make people like each other.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gDeWAPY149AMxoi17F4PGuFCQ29OU0f0
|
a58r39
|
{
"description": "getting frustrated at my birthday dinner",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting frustrated at my birthday dinner?
|
Some context:
​
Last night I went to a dinner at a nice restaurant for my birthday with me, my girlfriend, and a friend of mine with their date. It was our second double date with them, and I love all of them to bits but on our first double date (which I organized and paid for) it essentially became a miniature roast session with all of them ganging up on me. I let it go, because I didn't wanna ruin the double date and plus in my mind it was just harmless fun to them but it was getting under my skin some.
​
Fast-forward to the birthday dinner. Everything was all good for the first hour or so until the conversation turned into some weird sexual topic that involved my girlfriend spilling our sex life out to them in detail, which I was *not* comfortable with at all but I didn't know how to tell her to stop and didn't want to turn my own birthday dinner awkward for everyone. Then they started talking about theirs, and eventually the conversation turned to me. Then it became another roast session because I'm "vanilla" and not really into kinky shit, which my girlfriend has zero issues with until I guess it becomes convenient to chuckle at and turn into a talking point. My girlfriend is a good person, she's more than I could have ever imagined in a person and for that I love her dearly, and the feelings between us are mutual. However, it just sort of feels like she doesn't know she occasionally crosses lines whenever having a conversation in public with other people, especially about things I would consider private. We finished the dinner with me feeling a little shitty and upset, the only hint that she has about my feelings on the way they talked to me/about me was that I told her it was "jarring" and that's about it. I don't know how to approach this. AITA for letting it get to me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9ejPDm3UQnT8lPc4G9RF8UXfjorBEJG9
|
am6km3
| null |
AITA My boyfriend seems upset with me staying at another guy’s house but won’t admit it
|
So I (17f) invited my boyfriend (17m) to come see a musical with me in my hometown. His mom wouldn’t let him come, so not wanting to waste the extra ticket I brought for him, I invited one of my best friends since we were kids. For convenience sake let’s call him G. G (20m) said he could go ,and I was ecstatic as I hadn’t seen him in person since I moved away.
G is a sophomore in college and rents an apartment with another good friend of mine. He offered to let me spend the night at his place since the play would be ending late and he lives close to the theater. My parents were ok with this since I’ve known him forever and the thought of us “doing” anything makes my ill.
I told my boyfriend about it, on FaceTime last night, and he was seemingly ok with it. I brought it up again in today class with my friends and he looked surprised. He kept making awkward jokes and seemed really uncomfortable, but when I asked if he was ok with it he said that he was. The play is tonight and then tomorrow I’m spending practically all day with him. I really love him and I don’t want him to feel bad, but I gotta sleep somewhere. Am I being an asshole? Also I’m doing this on mobile so I apologize for any formatting issues.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
OpF1S5CZQzjLG7Llv5wSkwSvcYepGQuS
|
aig2dc
|
{
"description": "mistakenly kicking a guy in the balls",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA For Mistakenly kicking a guy in the balls?
|
I was followed and mugged by a man a few months ago and it gave me a mild concussion and a huge host of anxiety issues that I'm still dealing with today. I am seeing someone for this but progress is slow and going through this in your 40's as a woman is terrible. Last Thursday I was walking home from the gym when I see this young guy and he keeps staring at me, and he's kinda following me. I immediately get super scared and I'm on high alert, I cross the street he crosses and I'm just trying to listen to my music and stay calm. I go into a starbucks to be safe and get a coffee, after I come out he's right there and is about to say something or reach into his jacket pocket and I slam my boot into his balls super hard. He hits the ground right away and I notice how young he is and that he's dying on the ground and holding my wallet and through like tears and coughing saying your wallet, your wallet I found your wallet. I immediately gasped and was like OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY. I guess I dropped it infront of the gym and he was trying to catch up to me to give me it. I was so so sorry and kept saying sorry but this young guy was literally in the fetal position crying. I asked if he needed me to call and ambulance but he said no and I asked how old he was he said 19 and I was like oh my god did I just neuter this nice young guy who was just trying to help? I forced him up after like 5 mins and took him into the starbucks and got him water, juice and a sandwich. And was so sorry, I was like almost in tears because I didn't mean to do that to him it just really seemed like he was following me and after my last incident I couldn't take any chances. He was still like crying and holding his groin and I basically begged him to let me get my car from home, which is like a 2 min walk away and I'll drive him there or I'll get an uber for him there. He said no its ok and was like very scared of me, after some persuading I gave him $50 to take a cab from the starbucks to the hospital and pleaded with him too. I also got his number because I really want to make it up to him because he returned my wallet which had $400 cash (I never carry this much cash but I loaned some money to a co-worker and she paid me back in cash that day and I didn't go to the bank yet) with everything inside including my cards and I kicked his balls for no reason.
I told my wife about this and she said that I'm an asshole for assuming some young guy was trying to hurt me and that I could have ruined his chances of having kids over my paranoia. This made me sick to my stomach and I'm so worried about the guy. I guess it was shitty for having blinders on and not realizing he was trying to yell at me saying I have your wallet or wave me down. I really want to make it up to this guy, like anything. He was wearing a basketball team hat so maybe some tickets?
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
uaiI4gcCOJUYAFkgdKz9dTHiDwVZJB9i
|
afucay
|
{
"description": "not giving my boyfriend a key to my apartment",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
Aita for not giving my boyfriend a key to my apartment?
|
We have been together for 2 years now and I live in a one bedroom apartment. My boyfriend still lives at home. After about 6 months of dating I asked if he wanted a key to my place and he said no because he didn't wanna live there. And after that I basically moved in with him and his parents for a year because my boyfriend didn't like to be in my tiny apartment. I even got my own key there (I don't have it anymore because he lost 2 of his own and had to take mine)
I always felt like I was in the way and that I was a guest who overstayed my welcome at his parents house. They never said I wasn't welcomed or anything and I even gave them money for food and rent while staying there. Tho I never had space for my things and my stuff just went on the floor. And it was always messy in our room because of all the extra stuff.
About 6 months ago I started working night shifts only and I couldn't get any sleep with everyone around that didn't work during the day, so I moved back to my appartment. My boyfriend has been to my place 7 or 8 times since I moved out(my place is a 5 minute walk from his so it isn't that far). And the only time we get to be with each other is if I go to his place.
It never crossed my mind that he wanted a key to my place after all even tho he doesn't even like it here. Am I really that inconsiderate for not thinking about it? I mean I get why he would be mad but I don't see why it was such a big deal.
We're also looking to buy our own place as soon as we got the money. And he is getting his own key to my appartment.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
K2LgZMjqMW8ABEEk28AOHIP92c5rKpGl
|
b52wm6
|
{
"description": "continuing my friendship with someone who is homophobic",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for continuing my friendship with someone who is homophobic?
|
So for context, I am a bisexual male living in Canada and my friend is a straight male from Nebraska. We often talk on Snapchat, Instagram, IMessage and Xbox Live so I have a pretty good relationship with him. He has a good knowledge of me being Bi, keep this in mind.
However, overtime, he would often say stuff like “haha gay people getting purged in Russia is funny” or say that I’m gay even though I’m clearly bisexual. I often stay quiet when he says stuff like this and I really get mad when he does.
I’ve had trouble talking to him about it and I really want to tell him that he needs to stop but then does the whole “ohh its a joke” excuse. I can’t help him, but I want to say something
Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Cquo8JeD3kgsFLJRKllrHFAfTNnT1fYS
|
ahaxfs
|
{
"description": "not spending time with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not spending time with my girlfriend
|
So I have a girlfriend who I love very much and she has the same feelings for me. The problem is that I have a very unnoticeable autism which makes me very shy, and my natural instincts is to just shy away from any physical contact. She is also very shy (not as much as me though) which makes this really hard for both of us, we mostly communicate through Snapchat and we go to be same school, no one else knows of our relationship except two of her most trusted friends. I feel really bad because my whole body just works against my mind, I can’t even muster up the courage to hold her hand and we’ve almost been in a relationship for a year. We’re both 15 btw and we live in Sweden
So reddit AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
cGPABc7DNSs5BJ6jsde2OWqhMjnIM7P2
|
as8k1r
|
{
"description": "cutting out \"friends\" from my life",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting out "friends" from my life?
|
2-3 years ago I made very good friends over the short amount of time we became very close like family. I was always there for them (visited if they were feeling bad, talking to them, just being there etc.)
End of last year I was going through a very, very rough phase of my life. I told them about my situation and asked for support, something I usually don't do. I ended up being neglected. I talked to them several times and explained that I needed some chats n' banters to keep my head off. I was always told "yeah sure" and "sorry" and that they will do better in the future, they didn't
Friend 1 (now called F1) got a girlfriend during that time
Friend 2 (F2) got a boyfriend. Also F2 made up with other friends that were very toxic for her. They were jealous when she did stuff with other friends and made her feel very bad and guilty for it
F1 always posts what she does do on social media (which I rarely use) and never talks to me. When I ask "how are you?" I get an answer but that is about it
F2 does the same or contacts me when needs smth. Also sorta stalks her friends to talk bad abt them behind their backs (even the ones she made up with again)
I asked both why we have so little contact since it upset me. F2 stated she is having a hard time with written communication. I couldn't get my head around it since she always posts on twitter. I asked her why that is easy to her and told her in advice it isn't meant to be offensive, I just want to understand. She felt attacked right away
I never asked for anything special. Never asked for anyone to visit me, never asked for smth that costs money. I only asked for them to listen and talk to me from time to time. But I guess they are both too self centered. Maybe it's an only child thing? idk
**Long story short:** I feel left and replaced
I tried to address the issue (calmly) several times in hopes to solve it. Even wrote letters 2-3 times so they could read it in peace and don't have that pressure of having to reply instantly. Nothing changed
Seeing them on social media (the rare times I check) just dragged me down so I decided to block them everywhere, even their phone numbers, to move on and try to get better on my own. If that friendship is so important to them, they can still send me a letter
I'm at my limit but I still don't know what I did was justified and can't help but feeling bad for blocking them
F2 already saw I blocked her due to her stalking behavior and blocked me everywhere too as response
F1 didn't respond at all, p didn't notice until now
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
wNELN4YcuI2ampQjT1D8aHgGVooalGhj
|
anconz
|
{
"description": "making a daily tea for a (racist/sexist) colleague that's had a stroke",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making a daily tea for a (racist/sexist) colleague that's had a stroke?
|
I'll try keep it short but theres a colleague where I work who's in his mid-50's, he had a stroke a few years back and lost a lot of the feeling down his left side. As a result he's on a crutch and his left hand is basically useless.
Anyway, he's a tough bugger - a stubborn one and an "old school" kinda guy. When I met him I didn't like him but I quickly learnt what kind of character he is and I've learnt how to get along without letting him get to me. Mostly he just comes in quietly, stays in his corner of his office and gets his work done.
Since his stroke obviously his mobility is very limited so when I come to make my morning coffee I always make him a tea and we have some short banter. Generally I ignore the millennials around him complaining that the LUMENS in the fluorescent lights are too bright or some other issue that life is unfair to them. You can't breathe without one of them calling HASHTAG ME TOO or barking on about gender wage gap, being vegan or not recycling properly.
Anyway, today I go in with my guy's tea and he's not there... just a couple of young female colleagues. I ask "where is old school guy?" and they say "where's the racist, sexist you mean?" - so I said "ah well i'm gonna drink this tea I made for him since he's not here" and they pipe up by saying "yea you're his bitch aren't you?" - so I said "no, the guy has limited mobility so I make him a tea every morning" and as I was walking out they said "yea he's not that limited".
I'll bet you he could make a tea if he really tried, but it would take him around half an hour and he'd probably burn himself. I don't align myself with his racist / sexist undertones (I know when push comes to shove he has a good heart and behind his ego he would want the best for everyone), but the guy can't do everything himself. Am I the asshole for making him feel welcome and trying to make his day a little less shitty?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
HDJvup0VaghaNvbwiUhHAZJ0QpGAuDRQ
|
azxpm2
|
{
"description": "wanting my partner's best friend to move out",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my partner's best friend to move out?
|
My boyfriend and I have been living together for 3 years (in communal/flatting style places), 6 months ago we finally got our own place together, just the 2 of us and it's been great. Anyway recently he had his best friend move in with us because he got kicked out of his own place and had nowhere else to go. I was under the impression (from limited talks because my partner's not great with communication or organization, and this all happened very suddenly.. like within 24 hours suddenly) that the friend would just be crashing with us for a week or two while he found somewhere to live. But the next morning the guy turns up with all of his worldly possessions and fully moves in, he's been here since and it seems like he's here to stay. My boyfriend is pretty happy with the whole setup, he admitted he sometimes missed having other people around when it was just us, and he's loving getting to spend so much time with his best mate.
I'm not handling it well though, I like the guy and it's nothing personal, but I really don't want him living here. My issues are that I have pretty severe social anxiety issues, and now I'm anxious all the time because there's always people around. (they bring other people around daily too) He spends all of his time in the living room (he doesn't work or study) with his volume turned up loud watching youtube/anime/playing games or playing guitar. I've ended up just spending most of my time in bed because I don't want to go out to the living room. He doesn't pay any rent or help out around the house in any way, he doesn't even clean up after himself. This is a really small house too, with only 1 bedroom so he's converted the entrance way into his bedroom. The living room is full of all of his furniture and stuff, so I had to move a lot of our furniture and stuff into our bedroom to make room for him.. so now every room is basically a narrow track between stacked piles of stuff, and it's a pigsty because I can't keep up with the cleaning on my own.
I've spoken to my partner about all of my concerns, he doesn't want the friend to move out but said he will ask him to leave if I reeaally want him to. He's tried asking the friend how long he's planning on staying here but he hasn't got an answer.
Is there any way I can resolve this and salvage my own sanity in a way that would make me less of an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
y75EPAf7IbKeCZw5yfU4Xd92nsX6GByw
|
an3snh
|
{
"description": "being angry for my sister giving away something I got her",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being angry for my sister giving away something I got her?
|
My sister broke her earbuds and I was letting her use my spare pair. I bought her a new pair so she didn't have to keep using mine. She gave them to my other sister, claiming she needed them more, then has the audacity to ask to use mine again.
She says I'm being selfish and that she was just trying to do a nice thing for our younger sister and that I should let her use my spare pair since I don't need them.
I feel bad for being upset over a 3$ pair of earbuds, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
pIIyBHkjBAO0PRSPZmpPfdfeITYEqqAv
|
aywluf
|
{
"description": "calling my sister a selfish brat",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for calling my sister a selfish brat?
|
Sister is 22, I'm 25.
My sister graduated from college in the spring and my parents told her she would get a graduation trip, which basically means she gets to pick where the family trip would be. She picked a European country.
Our schedules have conflicted a few times so the trip hasn't happened and it's not scheduled to happen. My wedding is happening next year, which has added another conflict. I scheduled my engagement party for her fall break (she's in grad school) and my wedding for her spring break so she will be able to come to both and help out and do the whole maid of honor shindig before the actual wedding. I feel I was considerate in doing this so it wouldn't interfere with her studies.
We are on a family trip now and yesterday we had dinner with our parents and she asked about her graduation trip. My dad told her that because of the scheduling and such and because of the cost of the wedding, this would be her graduation trip because a trip to a European country is not financially feasible and the next time we will be able to schedule a family trip will be in the summer of 2020 at the earliest. She started crying and told my parents that they always play favorites and that they are picking me over her. She also said it was unfair that I got a graduation trip and she didn't. I told her she was being a spoiled brat because she's not entitled to this trip AND my parents paid for her to study abroad in college and I didn't study abroad so she should be grateful she got that experience. She got up and left the table. AITA for reacting this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
r9QrySsqXNCzrm106bIPvlxtUmRUcECP
|
aatath
|
{
"description": "sharing private information an ex-friend shared with me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for sharing private information an ex-friend shared with me?
|
(yes this was pretty childish it happened a while ago)
My friend was very depressed and often vented to me privately, telling me about self harm, and how she wanted to die. She was also obsessed with a boy (J) who was dating someone else. Everyone knew she was obsessed with J (including J).
This girl began wanting me to me an emotional sadist. She wanted me to text her things to make her feel bad.
In a group chat, I made fun of her, by changing my nickname to one she uses, and pretending to obsess over J. She got very pissed about this, claimed I was impersonating her, and tried to turn all my friends against me.
While this was happening, and after, she continued to use me as an emotional sadist, continuing to ask me to make her feel sad.
A few weeks later, I was fed up with her, so I told her that she had one more chance to stop hating me. She refused, so I banned her from our grade's group chat (I was the admin), and sent screenshots of our private messages, including a lot of stuff about her self harm, self loathing, and her asking me to make her feel bad, so she could commit suicide. I deleted them after a few people saw them (one of her friends saw and got really angry).
Was I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
q49FAE2zOK8foN92PfT7Ci9uchvHUVa4
|
b228is
|
{
"description": "telling on a 9 year old for watching 18+ rated movie",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling on a 9 year old for watching 18+ rated movie?
|
I've a nephew who stays home in the mornings as he has school in the afternoon. No one else is home during this time usually, as we had work. I happened to be home today as I took a sick leave for a bad headache. He wouldn't have known I was home till I came out.
When I came out of my room and I saw him jump and change the channel. I have a good view of the TV from my door. He was freaked out. Channels are normally locked. So he shouldn't be able to watch a channel that isn't kid friendly. So I asked him what he was watching that made him jump. He said he was just changing channel as I came out, and jumped coz he didn't know I was home.
I stood there for a bit, making myself a tea in the kitchen. (It's a living room and kitchen combo) of He went to his room after a moment. I realized I can check what the last channel was. It was an inappropriate channel.. and a really inappropriate movie. I have no idea why that channel wasn't locked. (Most channels were locked) I texted his (step) mother immediately. She came home and gave him a lecture. He kept saying it just happened to turn to that channel.
His (step) mother thanked me for telling her. He on the other hand, is very angry at me. His father came home as well, and he was annoyed at me for making an issue out of it. His words were "mind your business"
AITA? Should I have done nothing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
yHRvbVasACDPi3k1y4LH77IYryflHS5j
|
b1kdca
|
{
"description": "cutting off a friend who regularly cheats off of me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I cut off a friend who regularly cheats off of me?
|
TL;DR at the end
So me and another friend have an AP history class together. The class was supposed to be run by teacher A, but he had a medical emergency in December, so now we have a sub for the rest of the year. Teacher A was decently obese(hence the med emergency) and his tests were online-only, meaning that pretty much half the class had separate documents on a device to cheat off of.
So the new sub comes in(teacher B), and she’s pretty laid back. She lets us sit wherever we want and her class is pretty chill, so naturally me and my friend always sit together. Her tests were ALL fill in the blank and multiple choice. This is important because my friend had maintained his A grade the whole year cheating off of a separate word document and now needed other means to get his grades. This meant that now he was always cheating off of me during formal assessments. I didn’t really have an issue with this, but now he asks for answers from me all the time. It’s getting quite annoying to be honest. Teacher B doesn’t really care about the cheating(as I mentioned before she’s very laid back) and I feel as if my friend is using me. We’re very close, but I feel like I’m about to reach my breaking point. I don’t like being taken advantage of, and I’ve tried discussing this with my friend previously but he’s brushed it off. This has made me feel that he doesn’t consider my stance on this and only keeps me as a friend just for the grades. However, we have been great friends for a while so I think cutting him off might be going too far but it might have to be the best option. WIBTA if I did this?
TL;DR
Friend in history class cheats off of me all the time, despite me requesting him to stop. We are very good friends, but I am considering cutting him off. WIBTA if I did this?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
J8WQaHQPcG8bvbekpLrmnOayCotP2VXr
|
ay2z3f
|
{
"description": "being glad that my BIL broke my phone",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I'm glad that my BIL broke my phone?
|
BIL is not a bad person by any means. He cares for my sister, he's a responsible adult, he's a good father to my neice and nephew, and he gets along well with the entire family. Most days I like him. His biggest flaw is his sense of humour. Off-colour paired with sarcasm so strong that we can never tell whether he is serious or not. Not harmful by any means, but very annoying.
He jokes with everyone, but he likes to tease me the most because I can't help but react strongly. His favourite thing is hiding my phone. If I ever let go of my phone, he will silently snatch it up and hide it somewhere. Once I realize it's gone, he makes me guess where it is. Most of the time, it's somewhere innocent like a random cupboard or under someone else's seat.
There has only been a few times where his jokes genuinely upset me, but even then dealing with my sister and my BIL can be exhausting for me. Part of the reason I put up with it is because of how many times they help me. I work hard, but I don't have a secure source of income and can barely pay my bills. Sister helps by giving me a container of leftovers whenever I visit, or she asks me if I want any old clothes or accessories that she is throwing out. While it's very nice of her to do those things, it makes me feel like a charity case.
Fast forward to now:
BIL took my new phone and hid it in one of those wet whipe containers that he thought was empty. There were no cloths, but there was an inch of cleaning liquid at the bottom that he didn't notice. My phone soaked up that liquid like a sponge and died almost instantly.
My sister yelled at him promising that they would pay for a replacement. BIL wouldn't even apologize. He was frantically researching ways to fix my phone (store it in rice, getting help at the apple store, etc.) and muttering something like how he can't believe he's going spend one of his rebates on replacing my phone. Did I mention that this all happened on his birthday?
My applecare expired a week before and my phone plan can't give me any better offers so the only thing I can do is buy a new phone at the apple store. I get the oldest and cheapest generation that they have, which ends up costing almost $700. I buy applecare and a new protective case at my own expense.
While I would have rather this not happen at all, I'm kind of glad that BIL learned his lesson and maybe he'll leave me alone. Does this make me an asshole?
tl;dr BIL's sense of humor gets on my nerves. One day, his prank ends up costing me my phone. I think the guilt and the cost to replace my phone will teach him not to pick on me. Does it make me a bad person if I'm relieved?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
YrMOh0nH3M2hb81CNWtWSH7Gyapv1FvG
|
b8gon2
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend about a private conversation in a group chat",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend about a private conversation in a group chat?
|
So it was my girlfriends birthday, and her friends planned a dinner at a pretty cheap restaurant, like $6-15 dollars per meal. We made a group chat that included my girlfriend but also another that was without her so we could disuse gifts etc.
There were 8 people total who were gonna go, but 1 of them is extraordinarily cheap. She is in a bad financial situation at the moment, which we all as a group completely understand so we attempt to do cheap restaurants or other activities because she’s really really focused on the cost when we go out.
For example, in the group chat without my girlfriend, the convo went like this:
Friend 1: Let’s split a small gift like $4 each, what do you guys think?
Friend 2: Yeah I’m down.
Cheap friend: No 😪
Friend 1: yeah she’s so cheap sorry.
Friend 2: Anyone else?
Me: I’ll buy the gift you can pitch for a balloon cause she likes that.
Cheap friend: CHEAP BALLOON.
Friend 2: okay I’ll make sure it’s cheap.
Me: I can pay for your part (cheap friend) it’s no problem.
(End of Convo)
She then didn’t reply, but I paid for that which she let me, she ordered the smallest cheapest thing which was $5 and then said I’m not gonna eat dessert because it’s expensive, and we all said oh okay, because I was gonna pay for it all anyway.
I didn’t tell her that though, I just let her believe she was gonna pay her part so I didn’t tell her further that she could eat the dessert even though I offered originally.
My girlfriend was very upset because she does a lot of errands for her, and feels it’s like a waste of gas and time now since she isn’t worth $4 for a gift. I told her which I feel bad about but I think she should know if a close friend is being kinda mean in my opinion.
I understand she’s in a bad financial place, but I believe you can still be chill and like explain sorry guys I wish I could but I can’t. Because I offer to pay which I understand she feels bad for but we want her to come.
So am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
eEUA2ZQN8yGGXq8MBSlZRtyMqc9qSZsX
|
aomz1n
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be friends with my ex and his girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be friends with my ex and his girlfriend?
|
My ex is upset that I want nothing to do with him or his new girlfriend. He keeps telling me that I’m overreacting and we were broken up when they got together.
Ex and I broke up before the holidays after 3 years together. It was dysfunctional, but not abusive. We kept in light contact through texts over the holidays, no fighting or anything, no seeing each other in person. I was a little sad, but everything seems pretty okay for a break up. We just didn’t work. Cool, right?
Anyway, he starts sending me pictures of a group of people and some kids over the holidays. I’m not really noticing anything weird at this point, I’m happy he’s out doing stuff. He starts a group chat with me and one of the women because, “we have a lot in common” and thinks we’d be great friends. I keep up the text to be polite and she seems cool. She’s super into talking with me and apparently we’re in the same line of work.
Fast forward to last week. He mentions that he’s moved into a new place and that the kids in the pictures are starting to call him dad.
Excuse me, what the fuck?
I don’t understand and go digging on FB and find out he moved in with this woman two weeks after we broke up. He just met her a couple weeks before we broke up. And HE ACTIVELY INTRODUCED HER TO ME BECAUSE WE’D GET ALONG.
Like this woman knew I was the recent ex girlfriend and she’s texting me and trying to be my friend???? And he didn’t fucking tell me they were together?? Who the fuck does that???
I AM LIVID. I said some really ugly stuff and ripped into him about being an asshole and just fucking cruel. That I want nothing to do with either of them because it’s all fucking slimy and fucked up to play this weird game of not giving me all the facts.
He kept saying it wasn’t a big deal, he doesn’t understand why I’m upset and that I’m overreacting. That we were broken up and that became, “official” after he introduced me to her in the group chat.
I told him that I never want to speak with that woman again and he responded that she was going to be very upset because she really likes me. What. The. Fuck.
He also keeps reaching out to me, asking how I am and sending me stupid memes. I’m not responding.
So, AITA? I really don’t think I am, but this feels like a fucking twilight zone episode and it’s messing with my head how casual they are about this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9WlbBYLTP1mVJ1H3I9HGEupuf1Wd5KFo
|
aom33a
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend that people from my college are sexier",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend that people from my college are sexier?
|
I was browsing the internet and found one of those dumb fake articles called "Colleges with the sexiest and least sexy undergrads." My college was ranked first and his was ranked as one of the least sexy. I sent him the article and wrote "guess this settles it :P"
He didn't answer, but when he came over, he yelled at me for saying that I'm sexier than he is. He told me that I disrespected him and made him feel insecure. I apologized and now he's ignoring me.
AITA for sending him the article? WIBTA if I ended things over this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
xtD9q90utFO5ZVxpjOl1XEIjwD66tNov
|
aax699
|
{
"description": "wanting to spend quality time with my younger cousins without caring for our intellectually disabled cousins",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to spend quality time with my younger cousins without caring for our intellectually disabled cousins?
|
This has been eating me up inside for a few months now and it was only yesterday, after a family gathering, that I was finally able to articulate what's going on.
My mum's side of the family has always been close. She's the oldest of 4 siblings, and has 2 sisters and a brother. Myself and my other cousin T are only a year apart, and we're older than all our other little cousins. We're now reaching to our mid to late 20s where we're finally coming into our own and have some disposable income. Since these kids were born I've always wanted to be a good older brother to them... but here comes the challenging part.
As before, my mother has 2 sisters and a brother. I'm an only child. One sister, D, has a daughter and a son.
Her brother, J, has 3 kids, who are now entering their teenage years. These kids are honestly lovely and I enjoy spending time with them, and would like to get to know them a little better. They're all developing fantastic personalities and I love playing games with them and generally introducing them to new stuff (new movies, board games, etc).
Another sister, G, has two daughters, one of whom is quite severely disabled (let's call her D1). We're talking non-verbal communication (so basic sign language) and an inability to understand what's going on around her. Her younger sister is also disabled but less severely, and importantly, she listens to instructions and behaves, for the most part (let's call her D2).
The issue comes when we try and include D1 in activities. When the kids were younger (4-5), this wasn't much of an issue since they were all enjoying the same sort of activities... but now that they're all teenagers, it's clear it's becoming a lot more difficult to accommodate for D1/D2. Watching movies becomes challenging as their attention span simply won't care for it, and playing games becomes difficult too. As the only adult in the room, you're instantly responsible for their wellbeing and it's rough when they don't listen. Instructions like, "D1, don't blow up that balloon", or "D1, don't pinch D2, that's not nice - D2, move away from D1" are _completely_ ignored.
The issue here is that I want to spend time with J's three kids, but since our family is quite tightly knit, I'm worried that me spending with them will invite criticism from D1/D2's parents. I want to take them to the movies, or play some games with them and talk to them like adults and just foster a caring relationship with them, but I honestly don't want to do it if I'm expected to nurse two other children that are difficult to parent.
Part of me feels like a huge asshole for it since it's obviously not the kids' faults they were born with heavy intellectual disabilities, but as the other 3 kids mature into adults, the gap between all of them is just going to get wider.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9B2W4ozXw0JbezBi2QcjRPFpiBbObHBY
|
ajksp8
|
{
"description": "making the bride refund me for my bridesmaid dress after she kicked me out of the wedding",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making the bride refund me for my bridesmaid dress after she kicked me out of the wedding?
|
The bride is my cousin. She is very selfish, spoiled, and childish.
I moved in with my aunt and uncle (her mother and father) in order to attend school. Within that time, my cousin and I became very close. She even asked me to be the Maid of Honor in her wedding! (Which later I found out, she also asked the other 2 bridesmaids to be the MOH. All of us said yes.)
As time passed, I began to realize how shitty of a friend and person she was.
Every topic had to be centered around her life. The only interest she took in my life and my own personal struggles was when she wanted to share the details with our other friends.
In one specific instance, I was seeing a guy I knew my father disapproved of. After telling my cousin that I didn’t want my father finding out about our quick ‘fling’, she got drunk told him 2 weeks later.
This is when I learned I could never trust her.
If I hung out with anyone else in her absence, she would come to me crying, asking why I was upset with her and why I didn’t think to invite her. This happened on multiple occasions with one of the bridesmaids in her wedding, which I began to get very close with.
Our friend, Anna, was the friend I never knew I needed. She was charming, supportive, and upbeat. This was a stark difference from my cousin who was constantly negative and self-centered.
Then, I accepted an internship and have to move away for 4 months. The wedding is going to be while I’m away. I tell my cousin that I will fly in for the wedding. In my last few months of staying with my aunt and uncle, I knew I had to be very strict about how I delegated my time. I admit I was very selfish. I wanted to be with Anna and my father more than anyone. I would spend many nights bouncing back and fourth between the two.
Anna and I would go to the mall or have sleepovers. When we would go out, we would shoot my cousin a text inviting her. She always had a bullshit excuse like “I have a class tonight so I need to take a nap” or “My fiancé and I are packing (Granted, this would be a solid reason if we knew she wasn’t actually packing.)”
Finally, a week before I left, my cousin asked me every single day, “Are you going to be able to take off for the wedding?” To which I reply, “I am honestly not sure. They are very strict about days that I take off, but I will just leave and get reprimanded if I have to.”
I move all of my things 2 hours away, to my mom’s house, so we can leave Saturday to head to my internship. (A 14 hour drive)
As soon as I arrive to my mother’s, my cousin sends Anna and I a text. And I quote, “Do yall even wont to be in my wedding, because neither one of you have treated me like you would like me around for the pass month or so. I will give u the money back on ur dress.”
I replied, “Anna and I are friends, just like how you and I are friends. We didn't kick you to the curb. We asked you to come along more times than I can count - you just always had something else you had to do.
We understood that. We never got mad and upset at you for being busy - just like we never expected you to be upset when we continued our plans without you being there.
If you don't want me in your wedding, that's fine. It's your call to make. I just think you picked a very opportune time to kick me out. You should have told me to my face. And yes, I would like for you to pay me back.”
She texted me a giant guilt trip about how she always felt left out and unwanted. I know she’s simply being manipulative, wanting me to feel sorry for her, but I do feel sorry for her. I’m starting to feel guilty for her paying me back.
AITA? Should I return the money? I’m still out of the wedding, but I feel guilty or taking her money.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
NA0RwvqP4sMolJZILMFWwwrYAH4OV9i8
|
azmwfo
|
{
"description": "refusing to accompany my mother to a 3rd world country for her father's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to accompany my mother to a 3rd world country for her father’s funeral?
|
So a little bit of context. Me and my mother were born in England but her parents (my grandparents) were Pakistani immigrants. About 5 years ago, my grandfather sadly passed away and we held the funeral in the UK where he lived for the past 60 years and that was very hard on my mother who loved him a lot.
There’s a Muslim tradition that I’m not 100% familiar with since I don’t follow Islam anymore where the deceased has a funeral event every year in their home which happens to be Pakistan. I went Pakistan 2 years after he passed and hated the experience. The country itself wasn’t really the problem it was just me. I couldn’t speak the language, I got badly sick the whole 2 weeks and the power outages made days feel like a hot hell.
Now my mother who held off for a couple of years to go again is saying she wants to attend her fathers funeral this year and she can only go if I come with her because she doesn’t want to go alone. I immediately felt guilty because I don’t want her to go alone and I don’t want her to not go at all all because of me, but at the same time, my mind is set that I’m not going back. I told her I don’t think I want to go and she’s been upset with me that she’s not able to go then.
I tried to compromise that I am willing to go for a week but if it’s longer than I can’t do it and she says we can’t go for less than 2 so I said then I’m not going.
I’m willing to do anything for my mother but I had such a hard time going there and when I came back I never wanted to go back again (absolutely not the country’s fault).
AITA for not allowing my mother not to go to my grandfathers funeral because I’m not willing to go to Pakistan with her? I feel awful because we all loved him but my mind just keeps strongly stopping me every time I try to think about braving it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
tb3w7T90clHg1nUwULqwCBssksnza9aV
|
anbpvh
|
{
"description": "wanting to cut out a \"friend\"",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to cut out a “friend”?
|
Alt Account.
Firstly I am on mobile so I apologize for the formatting issues.
Let me start this by explaining that I (14F) and the friend (Referred to as A, 14M) are pretty okay.
I haven’t had any actual serious conversation about telling him to stop but have told him countless times to stop annoying me every day, every time.
Now let’s start.
My friend, A, is a bad person. For starters, his sleep schedule is fucked and he lives off unhealthy junk foods. I hear him every once in a while bragging about going to bed at one - four in the morning to bed.
A buys McDonalds from the shopping centre (we catch two buses, one which drops us off at the shopping centre, and the other which takes us home). He eats unhealthy amount of food from there, living off of the stuff.
Recently, me, my crush and A went to the cinema to watch a movie, and A has talked throughout the whole movie, not understanding the concept of shutting up during a movie. He gave us unnecessary attention and embarrassed me because I had to keep telling him to be quiet with him not listening.
The cinema was fully booked, too.
Now unto the more dark stuff.
There have been times last year where A has said that he wants to rape me and initiate sexual intercourse with me.
Now my parents found out about the rape thing and took it to the vice-principal at my school, (we’re in the same school) making A stop. (My parents occasionally look through my phone if they feel something is suspicious. They have stopped, stating that they trust me and understand that it’s an invasion of privacy.)
He has apologized for the rape messages, but recently he asked to chat on Discord so we can have another conversation about sex “if my parents don’t look through my phone anymore”.
There has been another time (Before the rape comments) where A has tried to swoon me into blowing him on the bus when there was no-one else, saying that “It’s not sex so it’s not illegal” (we’re both underage where I’m from so sex is in fact illegal for us.).
A has also told me that he has gotten his dog to lick his dick so he can get off, but then told me that he has done it a long time ago.
He has told me about his kinks and fetishes and how he has over 2.5 GB of porn on his phone. I don’t want to know about that kind of stuff, dude!
I feel that A is not a good friend, at least not for me. His past makes me uncomfortable, and I feel he didn’t learn from the rape comments experience, which is proven by him trying to re-initiate a conversation with me about sex.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
YUfcLkDUwq6aYYCANKmXCmrnymXMZEMO
|
afalzv
|
{
"description": "talking about people behind their backs",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for talking about people behind their backs?
|
I just got into college a couple of months ago, and since I'm a dude myself I started hanging out with the dudes around. Before I knew it we were going out every day, hanging around and such. Problem is, they're massive assholes behind everyone's backs. They're constantly talking shit about every girl/teacher/literally everyone they have an argument with. They fabricate stories and even say "Oh dude I touched that chick's back" every 2-3 sentences. I've never been one to talk like that since my best friend and my only real friend throughout high school has been an asexual dude that never talked about such things so I was never exposed to this sort of stuff.
So, recently I started going out more and more with the girls in my class. Just casually going out for drinks and such, and I found myself talking about all the stuff they talk about, basically ratting them all out for the hypocrites they are. The girls have stopped interacting with those guys and are now constantly mocking them. I stopped responding to their requests too because going out with them is just boring and annoying at this point.
Am I The Asshole for alienating them and basically snitching all of their private talks?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
1E65C5XFDa2l6V1Oco8xpcVVzFefayKx
|
az6ihz
|
{
"description": "living at home with my parents who are strapped for cash and are asking me to get a second job (on top of my full time one) to help them pay down their bills/expenses",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA? I live at home with my parents who are strapped for cash and are asking me to get a second job (on top of my full time one) to help them pay down their bills/expenses.
|
I just graduated and have been living at home with my parents for a little over a month. They want me to live at home for a year and pay no rent so I can pay off my high student loan balance. Recently a lot of things have been breaking (car, home AC unit, fridge) and it’s been taking a toll on my parents finances. My dad wants me to start paying rent and to find a second job to help them with this because “I’m living here for free with free utilities and meals” and that i need to start doing my part. I offered to pay them rent but said that getting a second job is ridiculous because it’ll take away from my already busy work/life balance.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
x0uTrgCckymQ5Q3xFRK917o1DnVLz3kw
|
ak30q7
|
{
"description": "asking a lady to pull her pants up",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for asking a lady to pull her pants up?
|
I was at a library and i saw a lady sit right beside me.
Her pants were really low, and i could see her buttcrack clear as day.
So i decided to not be a pussy and told her if she could pull her pants up. She took off her earphones and i repeated, I'm not sure if she was disgusted, embarrassed or both, but she looked at me and then turned back to her book without saying anything. When she got up after around 2 minutes of awkward silence, she pulled her pants up and left. I was extremely embarrassed and I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do.
TL;DR: I asked a lady to pull up her pants cuz i could see her buttcrack. AITA?
P.S: Sorry for any grammar mistakes or weird phrasing, English isn't my first language and i was extremely nervous while writing this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
QAUKcbONLfG6H4Jj6Xvt6GF37u1hO29V
|
avqgxh
|
{
"description": "being annyoyed by my gf's inconvenient favours",
"pronormative_score": 87,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being annyoyed by my gf's inconvenient favours
|
Hey so before i begin this i just wanna say I appreciate when my gf does anything for me even if its just poppin up at one of my lectures with a bottle of water - she's very kind and thinks about me a lot.
However....
I've noticed she does this thing where she'll do you a 'favour' that ends up requiring you do to more work than you wanted to in the first place. Its like you said you needed a new shelf and she goes out and buys the materials to build a new one but you just wanted to buy an already-built-shelf and not figure out how to build it. You appreciate the gesture but it's a little annoying you have to do this task you didn't want to do to begin with.
The best example of this is when she made pancakes. Ive been watching what I eat because im pretty out of shape and learned its due to overeating and sugary foods. My gf knows I've been being careful because ive been declining eating out and snacks. However I'm having a rough week emotionally and she offers to make pancakes for breakfast the next day. I decline. I'm trying to be good with my eating habits. She asks again later that day and I decline again. When she asks again later that night I get annoyed because I've had to decline a food I enjoy multiple times and she ends up pouting.
The next morning I have off so I just want to sleep in but I'm woken up and told to come downstairs for breakfast. At first, I'm flattered and hoping she's made the scrambled egg recipe I've been enjoying.
But no. Its the pancakes I declined multiple times the day before. When i don't look excited, she feels hurt and says she made them because I've had a rough week. Although I appreciate the food, i feel guilty eating the pancakes because of the diet (as this sugary breakfast kills half the calories I'm on) and feel guilty because she can tell I'm not enjoying myself.
After breakfast she asks me to clean everything up and seems surprised when I look upset. But 1) i didn't want the pancakes and I made that clear and 2) the kitchen was a disaster. So not only did I get a breakfast I felt guilty about (without asking) but i had to clean up the kitchen too. Not how I wanted to start my day off.
This isn't the only instance. Shes done things like buy plants for people who don't want to take care of plants, cooked more unwanted food then asked to be cleaned up, or refusing to take no for an answer when you dont want something. You have to tell her no multiple times when she offers you something. Some times I want to shake her and say "I'm not being polite! I really don't want that!!" but it tends to fail or she feels hurt because you get annoyed (this doesn't just happen to me, I've seen it done to friends and family).
AITA for getting annoyed by her favours? How do I even begin talking to her about this feeling? She's kind of an all or nothing person and I feel like she'll be really hurt if I do anything.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 66,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 21,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 87,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
M1xp3kKHpJj6lPfeh6nssKvU71jkYOzS
|
b72lnv
|
{
"description": "being uncomfortable around my fil after he sends porn to his adult son (my husband) and wanting to protect my future kids from the \"perv\"",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being uncomfortable around my FIL after he sends porn to his adult son (my husband) and wanting to protect my future kids from the “perv”
|
My FIL has always given me “that” feeling (the feeling like you never want to be alone with him, the queasy hair standing up feeling). He makes comments about women, demeans his wife and daughters. They’re for making babies and keeping the home 🙄 I tolerate it because hey he’s old and for now he’s my husbands problem (we don’t have kids yet).
Recently, my husband divulged that his dad is sending him porn (naked gifs of topless women, women undressing - porn in my eyes) through Facebook messenger. No words or explanations, just multiple gifs.
To me it’s a huge red flag. It just screams perv and makes me worried for the children and special needs children he works with.
AITA for limiting contact (only through my husband for now) (and this isn’t the only reason but the biggest one at the moment) and not wanting this man to be around my future children, especially any alone time?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
MhqcI4fmPU3fxSR6iwrYP40WtcZD1unt
|
atcs4q
|
{
"description": "sharing private information about a friend with another friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for sharing private information about a friend with another friend?
|
Hi! Please excuse my grammar, english is not my native language. Also I know it might sound silly or obvious, but I do feel conflicted.
For some context: Cisco (28M) and I (26F) met at university and have been good friends for about 5 years now. We did our first internship together and when we graduated, we both started working at the same building. He is a pretty amazing person. He has driven me to the airport, hospital, took care of my drunk ass, helped me move. Good friend. I had a crush on him when we first met but he had a gf so I never really pursued it.
January of 2017, just before he broke up with his gf we got really drunk together and hooked up. We were both complete messes at the time and I know it was wrong. We remained good friends and hooked up a couple times more (after he broke up) but nothing more than that.
I met Betty (26F) at our building because she and Cisco were going out for a while. A few months later she and I became friends, hanging out a lot. I never mentioned Cisco and I hooked up, as far as I knew they were no longer going out and I never felt I needed to tell her.
Early this week she invited me to a party and mentioned Cisco might come and that they would still casually meet, but she didn’t really know how he felt about her. She was into him.
At that point, I felt I needed to “warn” her. Yes, he’s sweet and all but to please be aware he would not take it further. He told me multiple times he was not planning to be in a relationship anytime soon and was going out with a few different girls. And that he knew the way he treated said girls led them to think he wanted more so he was clear from the beginning. I told her all that over text. She kept asking me questions and I kept telling her some stuff I knew about him. Later I realized I overshared and told her “please don’t think ill of him. It was all complicated and we can talk more in person”.
I wake up today to a huge text from her. He pretty much called me a terrible friend, “spilling” his secrets to others and that she didn’t know what my intentions were but she thought it was mean that I told her about him and I. That i’m not trustworthy and that she only kept me talking to see how far would i go on “betraying my friend”, which felt like plain manipulation. She said we shouldn’t be friends anymore and told him the same, that she didn’t want to associate with “that kind of people”. She went on about us hooking up last year. It was harsh.
I later called him, explained and apologized. He didn’t care a bit.
To me, it was girl talk with a trusted friend. She didn’t see it that way. She thinks I was on some kind of agenda.
Am I The Asshole?
TL;DR: I told my friend the guy she fancied didn’t want a relationship. I went on and overshared stuff about his life bc I’m friends with him. She thinks I did it make him look bad and cut ties with both of us.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
BOUMbULnUjt2FwjFRDE3f8zAfrRBKGQ2
|
9x8c14
|
{
"description": "not being friends again with my ex-bestfriend until he blocks his ex-girlfriend who is also my ex-girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA-For not being friends again with my ex-bestfriend until he blocks his ex-girlfriend who is also my ex-girlfriend.
|
First, my best friend started dating my ex-girlfriend after they both promised not to date each other. I haven’t talked to him in about a month. I blocked my ex on everything after I found out. But they broke up a few days ago and he wants to be friends again. But I don’t want to be his friend 100% again until he blocks her and is completely done with her. Because I know it’ll cause more problems especially since there’s a chance they’ll get back together. Our mutual friend in the middle of it said that I’m being shitty for not wanting to be his friend if he’s still friends with her.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
phWpEbxi2IgnJnWAbUIYWU8uzE0yYqL4
|
9v3drw
|
{
"description": "not being at the hospital for my dad the moment of heart surgery",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being at the hospital for my dad the moment of heart surgery?
|
I don't really have a great relationship with my dad. Never had, and never will have.
​
A year back my father got a flesh eating bacteria (Bacterial Endocarditis), eating his Aorta. He had to spend a long time in the hospital and had two open heart surgeries, and now has a mechanical aorta.
I was there when the surgery was over. But my father is quite angry that me and my sister weren't there 'while' he was having surgery. He was pretty close to dying, though it left a much bigger scar on him psychologically than physically. His wife only seems to feed this feeling.
​
I guess I do feel a bit guilty I wasn't there. Though, if he's having surgery again. I probably won't be doing it any different.
​
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TJaOXg8o15zkVKsrXSDZZb2kTLmUbqsL
|
agzcob
|
{
"description": "refusing to stop slurping my ramen",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to stop slurping my ramen?
|
Hey guys.
I'm not usually a loud eater, so this honestly caught me off guard. I was with my group of close friends, and we get lunch together time to time. This time we went to a ramen place that we frequent to, we each ordered our own, and started eating.
I begin enjoying my meal and then one of my friends gets quite annoyed at me for slurping. She said that she hates it when people do that, and that it was quite disgusting. At first I was really taken back, because this was always how I've eaten ramen and nobody once voiced their dissatisfaction with the way I eat, but come to think of it I realized she might not have been there for all the other times. It wasn't like obnoxious slurping (or so I think). I wasn't going out of my way to make as much noise as possible. Its just the noise that you make when you eat noodles that are longer than your bite size.
At first I agree, and I tone it down the best I can. I start biting my noodles short (which I personally feel is extremely unsatisfying). But the damn noodles are hot, it's spicy, I know they are excuses but I keep slipping up time to time to finish some longer noodles, which then of course she picks up on the sound and calls me out on it every time.
At this point, I was honestly quite annoyed. I wasn't slurping spaghetti, okay? Its a damn bowl of ramen, we are eating in a restaurant among friends, let me just enjoy the damn bowl as I please. Maybe I shouldn't have lost my shit, but I said that she was welcome to leave if it was bothering her so much, and continued eating like I usually would.
The atmosphere got quite awkward after that... and she did leave, which then of course made me feel bad afterwards. Which sucks, because it was our lunch out and we were having a good time hanging out beforehand. Was I the asshole here? Feel free to be blunt with your words.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Uck8lLgnw8JdnjxJyiYCNAMcvotmbi1K
|
9vxm1a
|
{
"description": "asking roommates to spilt the bill of household items",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I asked roommates to spilt the bill of household items
|
To start off I live in a house with 4 roommates. We split the bills evenly with me managing all of them and sending requests as needed. I set up a chore rotation to keep the house clean that 2 roommates mostly ignore, 1 of them barely uses the common spaces so its not a big deal.
Only 2 of us have regularly bought household goods like dish soap, toilet paper, cleaning supplies, etc. Neither if us has asked for compensation for these. But for larger purchases, like heavy curtains to block the coming winter chill and keep our heating bill down I would prefer to have everyone contribute since it will help keep everyone's bill down.
WIBTA if i sent them all a money request like i do for our bills?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ghbvMSj9IimTdKikLWVXlYVPsABAUm5R
|
attts7
|
{
"description": "poking fun at my wife for getting off her diet",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 97
}
|
AITA for poking fun at my wife for getting off her diet?
|
My wife's been on this "detox" type of diet, she's trying to lose about 40 lbs in total and has lost maybe 10 ever since she started doing the detox. She is consistently getting on and off this diet, the most she lost was probably about 25 lbs and then she went back on it.
When we first met, she was very thin. Now all she does is go on and off on these lose weight quick diets. Would I like her to lose weight? Yeah, but she's good looking to me, she doesn't feel like this though which is why she's been on new diets on and off.
so let me move on, when I came home from work I was unwinding and talking to her in the living room. She's sitting there eating ice cream from the carton with a spoon. I joked with her, poking her stomach saying "wow I didn't know cookie dough ice cream was apart of your detox"
She said "this is the only thing I've eaten today but okay, thanks for ruining it" then left me by myself and didn't want to sit with me.
reddit, am I an asshole? I was just kidding with her.
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 96,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 97
}
|
WRONG
|
61TGv2emhJmzvk0XnNMM85WRklSVJNBR
|
azzfx7
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend she makes me feel like a map",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend she makes me feel like a MAP (minor-attracted person)
|
She’s 15 but looks about half that (sidenote: I’m 16, not even a year older so I'm not an actual MAP). I want to be open with her, so I always tell her how I feel despite the fact that half the time she makes me feel like a child predator. I also constantly make jokes about her small hands, small size in general, and flatness (all in good fun of course). Despite feeling like I’m with a small child, I still really like this small child, I just constantly harass her for being a small child. AITA?
Note: My original sentence to her was something along the lines of "you're so small, it makes me feel like (word meaning adult attracted to minors that this subreddit censors)"
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 22
}
|
WRONG
|
ZDUIcboyJg7VEvGqxi6wRPPvezVthIvu
|
arsf64
|
{
"description": "liking her text",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for liking her text?
|
I (33M) met a woman (29F) online. We had been texting back and forth (plus one phone call) for only a few days and finally made plans to meet in person.
I confirmed the time that I was meeting my date by liking her text after she suggested a time that would work for her. While I was getting ready, she sent me texts asking for another confirmation (which I did not see). I arrived at the restaurant and found out that she had not even left her place and was 45 minutes away. I decided to go home. Our transcript is below. The reason she refers to me as having a “track record of disappearing” is because I did not respond to one of her text messages until a day later.
Me: [Restaurant name] at 7PM?
Her: 7:30 🤔 (This is the text I liked)
Her: Sounds good!
3 hours later...
Her: Erm..
Her: I know you “liked” the message Mr. Millennial but ..
Her: Considering your track record of disappearing and the fact the place is 40 mins away I feel like I should get confirmation before I make a move
Me: I’m en route
Her: I said when you didn’t respond for a min I thought perhaps you flaked so I undressed. I’m on my way now but the place isn’t close so I was wondering where you are in case you will be waiting
Me: I’m at the restaurant
Me: I told you that I would meet you at the restaurant
Me: On top of that I made a reservation...
Me: [I post image of reservation from OpenTable]
Her: Wasn’t aware you did, we last spoke hours ago. I was ready on time I explained I wanted to confirm we were on before I left.
Her: Would you like to cancel
Me: I did confirm that 7:30 would work for me
Me: The reason I didn’t see your subsequent texts was because I was walking my dog, finishing up chores, and getting ready to meet you tonight
Me: I’m heading back home
Her: So yes you would? Okay then, I’ll do the same.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
psNu4zqpQIDsNkWI1BIriR7TKK3l9Sud
|
an27ms
| null |
AITA my friend is wondering
|
So today he was talking to a friend and his ex best friend started recording he and he hates being recorded especially since they were not friends anymore, so he put his arm around her throat and put a tiny bit of pressure and she gets up and threatens to curb stomp him and then kill him, and tells a bunch of people and now his girlfriends mad at him but she was the one who recorded him and and he doesn't like getting recorded
Quick note, I'm not defending him I'm just posting this how he said it I think hes the asshole, also I didn't write most of this I just edited what he wrote.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
e5J9eOZTfeZv8qJLfmxYh6AehPQWezlG
|
astr6c
|
{
"description": "wanting more romance in my relationship",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting more romance in my relationship?
|
So I am a sixteen year old girl from Denmark, I've been in a commited realationship with my boyfriend since i was eleven, since I am almost 17 that means we've been together for almost six years give or take.
Our anniversary just rolled around and I wanna break up. See he didn't really do anything for me on our aniversary, other than giving me 100 danish crowns in cash, which he just pulled out his pocket and handed to me. No romantic gestures, no loving words, not even a single "I love you". I'm just so fed up with his unromantic way of treating our relationship.
It goes farther than that though, for example in 2018 we promised to give each other christmas presents, since we both could afford it, well the last day of school before christmas rolls around and I hand him a gift. He put it in his backpack, without a word, and didn't have anything for me.
He also has never given me a birthday present, or invited me on a date, not a single one. I forced him to go a date for the money he had given me on one of our anniversaries, which was the second time he has given me anything.
In total, he has only given me FOUR gifts in the span of our six year relationship, and whenever I ask to go on a walk, or do anything other than play video games on his computer, he doesn't want to.
See the video games are also a part of the problem, whenever I'm at his house, all he does is play games on his computer while I sit and watch, he does this till long into the morning hours, and I normall go to sleep a little earlier than that. So when he finally does go to sleep he wakes me, and every time he does I KNOW it's because he wants to have sex. It's the only thing that we do, that makes us seem like a couple.
I'm fed up, I've had it. He doesn't love me the way I WANT to be loved, but am I the asshole for wanting him to be more romantic?
Btw, I don't talk with him about it, because he takes any critique very personally, but even if I am in the wrong, I still want out of this relationship because the love is simply not there anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 13,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kFFJNJh9W5gs8iHuqQWwQAuuabvPULZH
|
ajl2k8
|
{
"description": "not bagging my groceries",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not bagging my groceries?
|
My whole life I’ve always let the bagger or cashier bag my groceries. I just always assumed that was part of the service. When checking out with my girlfriend, she starts bagging her own bags and says I’m being an A for not helping. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 14,
"INFO": 3
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
JJqwzzSReWRA6f3tBMmzfinF3xgKqCIn
|
b7e4gh
|
{
"description": "following someone on instagram",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for following someone on instagram?
|
so I recently started going to college and there's this girl who I immediatly clicked with, let's call her Ashley. We talked alot in class and she then asked me for my social media. We then chatted for some time on snapchat and after a while we agreed to go on a date. The date went fine and we actually had alot of fun. Now during the date she started talking about her friends and how they go out alot and she showed me some pictures of her and her friends in some club that were posted to her friend's instagram.
After the date we both went home and I eventually started browsing instagram and came across her friend's profile, I then sent her a follow request without thinking too much about it.
​
Fast forward 30 minutes and my phone is blowing up with messages from her calling me an asshole saying things like "I can't believe you could do this" "I thought you were different". I'll try to recreate our conversation.
Me: What's wrong?
Her: You started following my friend on instagram and YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??
Me: wtf
Her: JUST UNFOLLOW HER
Me: What's wrong with you? You're acting like this because I followed someone? You're crazy. (I shouldn't have called her crazy)
Her: You don't know her, you don't follow someone you don't know!!
Me: You follow plenty of guys you don't know so calm the fuck down
Her: FUCK YOU, DON'T EVER TALK TO ME YOU PSYCHO!!
She then blocked me and has been ignoring me during class. Some friends of her have come up to me and told me to just apologize for what I did. I told them that I'm not planning on apologizing for what I did and she should apologise to me for freaking out like she did.
So AITA the asshole for following her friend?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
uRzkuRB1P86uXbZ99gGWxi7YyqLu4scR
|
axr3u7
|
{
"description": "not wanting to move to Pomona",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to move to Pomona?
|
TLDR at the bottom...
My sister [18] has been going to a University out there and has been living in the dorms for almost the entire year but as soon as she starts her second year, due to the cost, she will be looking into apartments or housing outside of the University dorms. My parents are now looking into houses out there to avoid the financial burden of paying for her future living arrangements in a Los Angeles area, to have my mother cook her meals, and so that either I [21F] or my mother drive her to school and home.
I understand why they would want to move out there considering our father (who is the sole provider) would be paying for our bills where we currently live and for hers out there. However my problems with this is I am expected to pack my things and leave the place I have lived my whole life, a place where my friends are, the rest of our family lives, and a place I genuinely like living. I'm not exaggerating either because my parents are planning on selling/renting our current home and both are talking to me as if I have agreed already even though I have not said yes to leaving.
Don't get me wrong I see the value of moving to a city where I will have better opportunities, I can always make more friends while keeping in touch with the ones I have now, and I finally can learn to drive in a real city with actual traffic. I can't help but see the down sides though. I am unable to financially support myself in order to stay, they continue to have my car under their names (even though I pay for the insurance and the tags or registration) so they might use that as something to make me move, and if I do leave I will only be there to make HER life easier like when she comes home. Another important note is she has not learned to drive and refuses to claiming WE (our parents and me) are to blame for not trying harder to teach her even though I tried and in return she messed up my car. She also refused to take public transportation because "why the f would I take a bus."
TLDR, I'm asking if me not wanting to move to Pomona to make my SISTER'S life easier makes me an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
epJzgPeA9EDJ7bbE0cwYj9zTnH7uMNMo
|
b4v4cy
|
{
"description": "moving out of my mothers house",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I move out of my mothers house?
|
This one is hard. Currently I'm living with my mother in a house her father bought for her. She is currently jobless due to her various syndromes that make it hard for her to work and is currently trying for disability.
Currently I am the one of the two people in the house with a regular income, the other being her boyfriend. He takes home a little more than I do after child support from his previous marriage and taxes (according to him, I've never seen his paystub). They also had a child together recently and he is just over a year old.
So the people in the house consist of me, my sister who is in high school, her friend who got kicked out of his house, my mother, her boyfriend, and my half-brother.
I have been paying my fair share around the house to help keep it maintained. Currently my bill responsibilities are water, internet, electric when it falls behind, groceries occassionally, though I also buy my own food seperately, and repairs to the house. This lets me save a bit in the mean time. The boyfriend pays electric, for the cellphone plans of everyone in the house, Netflix.
Recently I found out no one has been paying the property taxes and we are about 10k USD behind and need to pay about 3.5k before the end of the year or the house will be foreclosed on. I was asked to pay the back taxes recently and running the numbers I'm not sure I can afford that and everything else, especially when I could live in a single bedroom apt for far less a month and have more freedom over the household.
Would I be an asshole if I said "no, sorry" and moved out?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
WCXpms0kx1m0BNswoXdIB7Eyt67gKYm2
|
a1b1y7
|
{
"description": "refusing to see my dad even though it obviously upsets him",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for refusing to see my dad even though it obviously upsets him?
|
So my parents got a divorce around a year ago and, while my dad is supposed to see me a couple times a week, I'm 17 and I don't. I try to find excuses out of nothing just so I don't need to see him anymore. I haven't told him it's because I immensely dislike him as a person, but maybe I should? I'm hoping he'll get the memo.
Essentially, I hate how he treats everyone except me and my younger brother. He adores and loves us, but I can't stand him. My older brother isn't his by birth, but my dad raised him since he was 6 and has despised my older brother. He won't admit it, but the way he acts, talks to, and treated him made me sick. My dad would always yell at his face, get pissed when we'd try and defend him (and call it "talking back"), and even agreed with my older brother (who suffers from depression) when he said that he'd rather kill himself than do whatever shit my dad wanted him to do. He always berated my mother over the dumbest shit (occasionally going out for some drinks with friends, crying in front of us children, etc etc) and after the divorce would constantly shit talk her in front of me.
A month or so ago, he was insanely drunk and brought me outside just to talk about how awful my mother is, and how my grandma is "an evil bitch". I, after those remarks, told him to stop talking and I walked away and, to his credit, he DID apologize a bunch for it - but only after I pointed it out to him. He always pegs himself to be the victim, and would try to convince me and my younger brother that my mom is selfish and evil (she's a fucking elementary school psychologist for Christ's sake).
He's insanely paranoid/controlling about everything - to the point where I was 30 minutes late from a club for school and he yelled at me about how he thought I was dead. Now, he thinks my new job at a restaurant has led me to doing drugs and ignoring school simply because I have a C in an AP Calculus class AFTER I SKIPPED PRECALCULUS.
I don't know, I feel bad about "ghosting" my dad, but on the other hand is it justified? Should I try to ignore everything and say "fuck it, he's my dad so I have to live with it"?.
TLDR: I've been ignoring my dad because of how abusive he was to my mom and brother, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
CpwhCLosi8XVfgO6oVPWdSdULgEqB0mi
|
as0glb
|
{
"description": "saying a kid who was autistic is autistic",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for saying a kid who was autistic is autistic?
|
So this just happened to me I'm really surprised. Since it's a decently long conversation I'll just link the thing
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
gX3ZlxmVmBakZgWqyLMdoHTLiIJpzrRQ
|
a6stzu
|
{
"description": "making my brother end his toxic relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making my brother end his toxic relationship
|
So, here's the case: My (22F) brother (23 years old) has ADD, is overweight, does not care about his body hygiene and is socially awkward. So, he's not the type of guy, girls fall in love with.
Still, he's my brother and i love him. So i was really happy when he told me, he got a girlfriend 4 years ago. His girlfriend (who already was 28 years old at that time) was working/studying in the same special needs apprenticeship when they met. She has epilepsy.
So, at first i was really happy for them and wanted to meet her, since she made my brother happy. However, i soon realized what kind of person she was. In the 3 years they were dating, i only got to meet her twice. The first time, i politely introduced myself to her, but she just hid behind my brother in silence. So later, when we all were sitting at the family table talking and laughing together, she just sat there staring at her feet. I thought that it was a little bit strange, but didn't want to push her into talking, since she might feel a little bit uncomfortable. However, later that evening when our paths crossed, she grabbed me and told me in an angry voice "don't ever come near my boyfriend again. He's mine!"
After she left i confronted my brother and he told me, that she told this all of his female friends and gets jealous very easily, but he still loves her. I also found out that she also told my mother to keep her distance to her son. My brother, naturally, still talks to us and "did not keep his distance".
Another story my brother told me was when she called him and said, that she felt sick and wanted him to come visit her to make her feel better. So my brother, like the good boyfriend he is, drove almost 3 hours to her parents’ house (still lives with her parents) using public transport because he hasn't got his driver's license yet, just for her to tell he as he arrived, that she doesn't feel sick anymore and wanted him to leave her alone. So he drove home again. At home she called him again and said, she felt sick again and wanted him to come over. As he refused, she got angry and called him an asshole.
That was the first time, i asked my brother why he was still in this relationship. He replied that he still likes her for who she is. He also told me that whenever he asks her to come over, she isn't in the mood or too busy. Also, whenever they were on a date, she invited friends and only talked to them while calling my brother "disgusting" for wanting to kiss and hold hands. Also, she always demanded expensive presents, like jewelry and electronics. She even wanted him to buy a house for them to move in together. Even though my brother was still financed by our parents and she never gave him anything in return.
After my brother told me many more stories like that i told him he has to break up with her, or get her to change and treat him better. He started crying and telling me that he knows, but also that he is afraid to never find a girlfriend again and dying alone. I told him that it is better to be single, than being in a toxic relationship.
It took him 4 months to finally break up with her. He was devastated, but she didn't even care and soon got into another relationship.
Now, one year later my brother has no job, no girlfriend and is living at my parents’ house, thus having no social life. I don't see any chance for him finding a new girlfriend. I feel bad for taking away his maybe only chance of a future family life.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9Go7jXfcoiJ8DyJxr7rhXR4itEkNotT7
|
9v6o7l
|
{
"description": "cutting ties with my biological family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I cut ties with my biological family?
|
Throwaway because I will be discussing what's essentially my life story.
​
I’m 25 now. Growing up, my mother worked while my father stayed at home. Even though my father was at home, I cooked and cleaned for myself as long as I can remember. We lived on the country-side for a while where I thought our level of poverty (150% below the poverty line) was pretty standard. There was usually enough to eat, only yelled at and hit when I maybe deserved it (they weren’t able to logically reason how to properly punish a child) but all-in-all, I think I had a good, adventurous, childhood. When we moved to the city when I was 13, I got a paper route and started to pay for things like Christmas presents, and food and clothing for myself. We moved again when I was 15 to a good school district where I met a family (The Smiths) who had me over for dinner almost nightly and encouraged me to join extracurricular activities and to think about college. A year later, it was time to move again. My mother said my brother (18 y/o) was able to pay rent and because they were moving into a two-bedroom apartment, I would have to sleep in the living room. As a 16-year-old teenager, this was devastating.
That night at dinner with The Smiths, I told them the situation and they were taken aback. After they spoke privately, they invited me to live with them in order to finish my high school education in the school district. My father didn’t seem to care, and my mother was initially upset that “this fancy family was stealing me away.” I asked if I would ever be able to get my own room and they said no and maybe staying with the Smiths was for the best. That night, they released my cat outside and said I could leave whenever. (I later found my cat and The Smiths let me take her with).
That semester, I moved in and felt like I had support, love, and structure for the first time in my life. It was wonderful. My mother seemed to only call me once every month or so and I only heard from the other members of my family VERY rarely. I attended college and am finishing up my Doctor of Physical Therapy degree this May. During my college career, my mother would only call every few months to ramble about herself or to ask a medical or financial-related question. They didn’t contribute to my college education besides letting me fill out their taxes so I was able to get the education-credit. Additionally, I was on her insurance plan for 1 year before affording my own.
I still feel so much resentment for them not trying to fight for me, and yet constantly weigh that against them knowing The Smiths were able to take better care of me. I kept in contact with my parents, but I feel like my real family are The Smiths. They’re always checking in, they STILL have my bedroom for whenever I come home, they treat me like one of their own.
Now, the last time I saw my mother, she was displaying some mild cognitive decline as well as some motor impairments that MAY suggest early-onset Parkinson’s disease. I asked her if she still sees her primary care provider, which she does, and I implored her to schedule a physical. At this point, I realize I may be responsible for her when she eventually gets too old or sick to work. My brother lives close to their home, but he has two young children he is providing for. I know it’s only a matter of time before she starts asking me to “lend” her money. Am I the asshole for wanting to cut my ties with her completely in order to save myself time and money later on?
​
I would love to gain the perspective of parents and older adults, especially.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
8EmI7STH1eaI0fmfelhy38GSpv7Jwhii
|
b1a94j
|
{
"description": "disrupting the family group text",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA Because I disrupted the family group text
|
I asked my extended family in our group text not to support Trump today.
My siblings and I are the only non-white part of our extended family (that we actually see). I've held back politics from family for a really long time despite very strongly held beliefs because it's impolite and causes rifts. I know some of the extended family have supported Trump in the past and today was my breaking point.
When I saw the president had threaten violence against the left I decided I had to say something. I feel everyone has been stuck in a wait and see mode while things degrade because what happens in the news hasn't effected them yet. It was a threat directed at people like me from the most powerful man on the planet. I decided that it was time to raise the issue with those that are closest to me that I know don't all agree with me.
I am aware that wide spread violence is an outside chance for America and that targeted violence (like the MAGA bomber) has been most of what the president has inspired. But. Somewhere between nothing happening and being dragged into the town square you have to say or do something and this was my line.
My mother has been distraught that I posted it because it might insight conflict on what she terms as 'her connection to her family' but I don't know how I'm supposed to sit at Thanksgiving with people okay with a president that threatens violence against me. The threat is more latent than a guy with a gun to my head but backed (potentially) by the most powerful military the world has ever known.
​
The family text is dead silent, my mom is distraught, I'm stressed.
​
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MMmvjpgAL9j5n5ZkZDOhV4FRQ7SveJM1
|
aknkkm
|
{
"description": "wanting to be number one for a change",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA wanting to be number one for a change?
|
AITA... just want to know if this is normal or I have some princess complex and am expecting too much.
Myself and my partner have been together on 2 occasions... once 11years ago and we had our son and then separated. We then got back together 4 years ago and have a 2yr old girl. Our son is ADHD/ASD and am his registered carer and worked fulltime until we had our daughter 2 years ago. I'm now in Crohns flare up and struggling with depression (which is why I'm now questioning myself) and am a housewife whilst I am ill.
My SO hates his job, but as he is not able to drive and has no qualifications he is kinda stuck. He works 35hrs a week over shifts anywhere between 6am and 11pm 4/5 days a week. On his days off he sleeps in and I make him breakfast when he gets up, then lunch is broughtto hkm and then I do dinner. Hes never once got up with our daughter or son at night or in the morning. He then on goes the xbox and he plays until stupid oclock the following morning. All the while I am doing the school runs, childcare, chores, shopping, visiting family all by myself with our 2yr old nearly always with me. He has never had to do single thing with the house. I am the decorator, handy woman, taxi driver, organiser and the one that does 99.9% of the childcare. I often spring surprises on him to cheer him up and because I love him, like a mcds brekkie or a new Xbox game to show how much I appreciate him. On the other hand, I buy myself my Christmas/birthday presents from him and mothers day is usually something from his work and he hasn't gone out of his time or way to get it.
Today is his day off and payday. It's been a hard month and I am feeling low and am in pain. I cannot remember the last time we did anything together or he left the house on a day off. I feel like an arsehole as he is the main provider and works his arse off despite hating it so much. He sleeps in the dining room 6 out of 7 days, doesn't go out with me, and never helps with childcare, and I'm lonely. I tried talking to him about it and I've been told I've now ruined his day off.... am I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
R7C9trmy5iSf6KWUXwV8p5imzP6djUeR
|
assnsy
|
{
"description": "being annoyed at my friend's success",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at my friend's success?
|
So, my friend and I are in the same master's program. We both applied to PhD programs and she got into several while I've been rejected by about half of the schools I applied to. Granted, I might get into one, but I have a bad feeling that I won't. I've been stressing out because, even though I know I could work after finishing my master's, a part of me will feel like a failure for not immediately going into a PhD program because that's what's expected of me by my family.
One day, my friend and I ran into each other and she spent almost an hour basically talking about how tough it is to choose a school. I'm so proud of her for getting into these programs because she has worked so hard for everything she's gotten, but it still annoyed me. She makes it seem like such a tough decision and I get that, but also it felt insensitive to talk to me about that when I haven't even been accepted to one PhD program yet...or at all.
I know that part of the reason she got accepted and I haven't is because she took a year off school before master's to get work experience. I just went straight for my master's.
So, AITA? Any thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZlWVntVOPq7RgNsRdjnmnLfiztdbrAev
|
as5e1l
|
{
"description": "calling people out who don't wash their hands after using the restroom",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for calling people out who don’t wash their hands after using the restroom?
|
I’ve done this twice in airports now. Just a simple “would it really *kill* you to wash your hands?” I literally see people come out of stalls after taking a gigantic dump— the kind that leaves remnants and skid marks— only to not wash their hands and proceed to touch everything in the vicinity. Able-bodied people who can easily make it 3 steps to the fucking sink. These women turn beet red when called out, and I have no shame about it. This is the fuck why hepatitis lives on surfaces and gets in food.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
LTDuYbAehCQkjfblgAXB26vN5YIvsMon
|
ai0vqo
|
{
"description": "not wanting the best for some people in my life",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting the best for some people in my life?
|
I'm not wishing hell on my enemies or anything extreme, but, even someone that just bug me, is it wrong to maybe, hope someone dishwasher overflows, or they stub their toe, or maybe their car breaks down?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
eVZurK5UuU8oE1FO1WJ7sGuV3Jk0cir4
|
a0usl2
|
{
"description": "being upset with my husband for engaging with trolls on Facebook",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset with my husband for engaging with trolls on Facebook?
|
My husbands favorite past time is getting into arguments on Facebook, most of them with very obvious trolls. Lately, it's been going a little too far and whoever he is arguing with will start posting his personal photos. I have body image insecurities, being only 90lbs, I'm trying to gain weight but it's a process due to a few medical issues. They will find photos of me and post them, saying how "sickly" I look and how I apparently look like I'm on meth, which obviously isn't true. It'd be one thing if I didn't know about it, but I always end up coming across the comments somehow. I just mentally cannot handle the comments about my body, I feel sick every time I read them. If I didn't want to keep in contact with select friends and family, I'd probably stop using Facebook altogether. I've asked my husband to take all photos of me down if he's going to continue his childish game because he apparently doesn't know how to lock down his profile. He thinks I'm overreacting. AITA for being upset?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b07t0x
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{
"description": "not spending time with my mom",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not spending time with my mom?
|
So my mom has been in my life for maybe 10 of my 20 years? And that's being generous. For those 10 she was high or in jail for most of them.
For the years she was there, my mom would steal my prescription medication just to get a quick high.
About five years ago she got arrested for possession of marijuana. After she got out of jail she had a child. For these five years she lived with an abusive man and had _another_ child with him, since she could CLEARLY take care of the other three. (/s)
She had been living in a different state for years, and even went AWOL a few times. Recently she got arrested for shoplifting some candy bars. Turns out she had a warrant out for her arrest _for shoplifting_ in my state, so the cops from her state transfer her here. After she gets out she gets my grandfather to call me and tell me how much she misses me and wants to see me. She asks if I can go over to my grandparents house to meet her. (By now I have moved out and am living with friends.) I was a little skeptical, but eventually said yes.
It starts off fine enough, her saying how she missed me and weaving a sob story of how her and Bob(not actual name of her boytoy) are getting evicted from their house, and how my baby sisters are in custody of Bob's exwife. She starts off saying how my grandpa is going to drop her off at a bus to go back to her state, but then starts making excuses. "Oh, I dont have a phone. You need a phone to do anything now a days."
Eventually it gets too late for her to grab a bus. She starts asking my grandparents if she could stay one night. Now here is where I make a huge mistake. A bus stop isnt far from where I live, so I foolishly tell her she can stay a day and get on the bus tomorrow. (Getting the ok from the actual owner of the house.)
_Sigh_
What starts as one night extends. She then starts asking me to buy her a phone. And I mean pestering until I say yes to get her to shut up. She also gets pissed whenever I refuse to buy her food. Even though there is food at the house, she "doesnt want to impose on the owner." Despite the owner giving her the ok to eat.
So eventually Friday comes around. I have a Dnd session on Fridays with some online friends. I've been doing this for about a year now, and told the owner of the house(and my mom) id be busy on Friday.
Doesnt stop her from barging in every ten minutes. Eventually the internet goes out, and I find out Z, the friend of the owner of the house who DOES NOT PAY RENT I MIGHT ADD had turned off the internet because i wouldnt spend time with my mom. He then threatens to kick me out (something he CANT DO) unless I spend time with my mom. I tell him to mind his own business and go back to my room.
Granted the days my mom had stayed I spent the bare bones amount I could with her, but I just didnt want to spend time with someone who had been stealing from me my whole life.
Was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
ak9jwa
|
{
"description": "forgetting to text back my gf",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for forgetting to text back my gf?
|
I've been with this girl for over a year now and i'm confident when I say that I love her. The issue is that just moments ago i forgot to text her. This is only an issue because we were on the phone together while she was playing video games (black ops3). I told her i had to go to the bathroom and she said "ok. OH HELL YEAH NUKETOWN OK BYE!". I didn't get offended by this atm and just left to the bathroom. The trouble arises when i crawl back into bed browse reddit a little. See ryan Bader get a ko. Then I fall asleep. Damn my warm blankets and soft pillows. I wake up to my phone ringing. Its my gf. She's clearly upset but i greet her with a "hey bb". Its met with a passive aggressive "gn". Then she hangs up. Seconds later she messages me on snapchat saying "fuck you". At first I didn't even humor her with a response but eventually I cooled off (after about 2 mins) and replied. We argued a little and then she said "i can't vreath". Now come on...thats fake as fuck right? So i call her out on trying to be manipulative. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b5hai6
|
{
"description": "being happy my best friend had a miscarriage",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for being happy my best friend had a miscarriage?
|
Sorry if this is long, I ramble a lot.
I’ve known my best friend since we started high school and now we are halfway through college. We were both there for each other for EVERYTHING. Every milestone you could have in as a teenager into adulthood. I deeply care about her and I currently have uneasy feelings about her boyfriend/fiance (i don’t know). They have only been dating for like 7 months and she announces that she’s pregnant. At first, like any other person, I’m ecstatic and about to cry about the news! I was genuinely happy for her and then reality checked in. She has a full ride scholarship to our University, she’s very intelligent and has almost all A’s. She says she will still finish school but i’m unsure about that or at least it’ll be so difficult. She doesn’t have a job. She’s also almost broken up with her boyfriend several times (she comes to me every time she considers it) She even emotionally cheated on him (texted some guys because she got bored of him). Her parents are completely against the pregnancy and being terrible to her which causes her so much stress and has caused her to be cut off from her family. Now I feel like she’s rushing her life; she says “Me and (BF) are getting married” “we are getting an apartment together” like she’s 19 turning 20 this year, only has been dating him for 7 months, and almost breaks up with him every month. I haven’t expressed any disagreement with her and have been super supportive...however I told my boyfriend that it’s fucked up but getting a miscarriage is the best thing that could happen for her. (she would never get an abortion). I said I have literally nothing to gain or lose from her having a child but in her best interest she shouldn’t have a child. My boyfriend was totally upset with me saying that in private and said it was messed up and rude. Then the other night she called me at 12 AM saying she wasn’t pregnant anymore. She was bleeding and went to the doctors and found out she had a miscarriage. I cried and was sad because that is a traumatizing thing to go through and I feel horrible for her. Now my boyfriend is saying I am a horrible friend and that i was just faking being sad because obviously I wanted her to have a miscarriage. I tried to explain that I wasn’t HAPPY it happened I just want the best for her.m even though it’s tragic her future has so much potential.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
2bkCVKiWrbBnU9pAFuac01aOhO2a4oYE
|
aiqycg
|
{
"description": "cutting off my friend who faked their suicide",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I cut off my friend who faked their suicide?
|
So some backstory: I've known a group of friends for exactly ten years now. There was one friend in particular who we'll call D. D was very problematic and hated me in the early years but eventually we became close. I was one of the few friends D genuinely liked, as he manipulated everyone else.
A few days ago, I received news on his Twitter that he had committed suicide. The posts claimed to be from his husband who said he didn't know how to use Twitter, and that D killed himself on the 18th. Naturally, since I and his friends were all so close, we were devastated. I nearly had a panic attack and some friends were crying nonstop.
A few days later we obsessively looked for any information regarding any obituaries for D or confirmation that he was dead. A friend of mine managed to get a hold of one of D's uncles.
The uncle confirmed that D is alive and well.
It gets worse. Seconds after it was confirmed he's alive, D's Twitter was deleted. And a few hours later his other social media accounts went down too, which is especially shady since the husband claimed that he didn't have access to his other accounts.
While the rest of D's friends are relieved that he's okay, I'm personally really hurt. I feel like this is the last straw for him as he's done some shady things in the past and this caused me and my friends all great pain. If I ever see him again, I don't know what I'm going to say to him, but I don't know if I want to deal with him anymore. This was a friendship that lasted ten years and this whole situation feels like a big slap in the face to me and my group. I don't know if I can forgive him.
WIBTA if I cut this friend off?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 33,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 33,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
9yx1cy
|
{
"description": "pursuing my friend even after she's said no",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 138
}
|
AITA For pursuing my friend even after she's said no?
|
(Throwaway because friends and family know my account.)
A little backstory - I've known this girl for about two and a half years now. I'm 17 and she just turned 19. We meet via mutual friends and I've known that I liked her for a few months now.
About three weeks ago I was completely honest and told her through text how I felt about her and that I've been wanting to tell her for a while now that I liked her and asked how she felt back. She told me that's she glad I got that off my chest but proceeded to tell me she didn't feel the same back and saw me as a friend only. I was a little hurt because I really really do like this girl and was hoping that she would like me back. After I asked would she say yes if I asked her out in which she responded, "Probably not."
I didn't take that as a clear no so over the pass three weeks I've been talking to her still over text and throwing hints that I wanna ask her out and every time I bring it up she would give the same "Probably not" response.
Though the pass week everytime I call her she won't answer and she barely responds to my texts anymore. About two days ago was the last time I asked her if she would say yes and she just told me she didn't didnt want to talk to me for a while and that she'll cut me off if I continue to ask. I told her that I understand and that I'll stop bringing it up for now.
Next week our friend group is planning on going out somewhere to hang and I'm planning on asking her out in person maybe in front of our friends and see what she says because I truly believe she's just too shy to say yes and think she needs a little motivation. I think of myself as a decent guy and never have been rude or disrespectful to her the 2 years I've known her.
Am I the asshole for continuing to pursue her? I am giving her the space she asked for.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 138,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 138
}
|
WRONG
|
c3fZB00CKIdROqctGjnyaS7kVeRMDc6M
|
9v080s
|
{
"description": "canceling a commission",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for canceling a commission?
|
Hi there, this is my first reddit post so I'll try to be as descriptive as I can. So a few months back I had gone to an artist I really liked to ask them for a commission. They agreed and I started to talk to them about what I had wanted done. I tried to be as polite and friendly as I could as I one, really liked their art, and two understand how stressful being an artist online can be. Communication always seemed to be a bit slow, which I could deal with, but eventually nearly a month had gone by and I still hadn't heard anything. For me communication is pretty important, especially when I would've been spending quite a bit of money to get my artwork done. I was a bit nervous about getting the progress emails, and I simply didn't want to wait months on end to get my art piece done.
I contacted them to inform them that while I thanked them for their time I was going to cancel my commission, and I informed as to why as I think it's important to give a reason; that the communication was a bit too lacking for my tastes and that they appeared to be a bit too busy to finish my commission by the time I need it to be done. They replied saying that they had been moving housing situations, something they hadn't told me about, and there were other people in front of me on the list, another thing they didn't tell me about. They then accused me of thinking they were a machine, and stated they'd refuse to take any more commissions from me. It had all seemed very passive aggressive. And I don't really mind if they don't want to take commissions from me, it's their decision but it had me thinking whether I was in the wrong or not. I guess it's just been eating at me as of late.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
afwgjb
|
{
"description": "grabbing my own wifes butt at a family bbq",
"pronormative_score": 227,
"contranormative_score": 44
}
|
AITA For grabbing my own wifes butt at a family BBQ?
|
Been married to my wife for five years. We are very comfortable around each other. I also love my wifes ass, and am still very attracted to her. It has sort of become an unspoken thing between us that if I see her cooking or standing with her back turned I'll playfully grab her ass, she will feign surprise and then giggle, laugh, or kiss me. Sometimes she will grab me back.
Keep in mind that we have been married for five years and have gone to several events together. I have done this before and no one said anything, and both she and I enjoyed it.
Ok, so because her family couldn't meet up with us for news years we had a belated new years BBQ at her sisters house. Me and my wife are tag teaming the grill. I see her at the grill, and I grab her ass, she responds playfully. Later I am pulled aside by her sister and her husband.
They say that I shouldn't be sexual in front of their children, who are admittedly younger kids. That was her husbands position.
My sister in law takes it a step further into what I imagine is crazy territory. She says that I shouldn't be groping her without consent, even if she does approve of it later. She tells me if her sister didn't like what i was doing after the fact, that I could technically be jailed for sexual harassment and rape. For grabbing my own wifes rear. Now I am from texas and they are california implants, so we disagree on a lot of things, but I never thought they would hold positions like that.
I am at their house and I don't like fighting, so I apologize and move on but I am silently angry throughout the party. I told my wife and she said her sister was completely in the wrong. Well come to find out my sister in law told the same to my mother in law, who agrees that im apparently a creep.
AITA for groping my wife at a family bbq?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 215,
"EVERYBODY": 18,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 227,
"WRONG": 44
}
|
RIGHT
|
zggfUnG1fpvpkMSXewRBSqIY1raudQLB
|
b2afpr
| null |
AITA: Roommate threw a party, someone brought a dog, I kick the dog and them out.
|
My roommate threw a party, and some guy brought his dog. 5 of us rent a house together, and animals are not allowed at all. He was invited, but never brought up the dog according to my roommate. Party goers were upset at me, even though we let the guy come back after he and his friends were done throwing a fit about it and dropped off the dog at his place. Am I the asshole for kicking a dog out from a party?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ctpYC40lJ3g75oWWaqTJAXqaRe3I8bcg
|
a8i2x4
|
{
"description": "being upset an old woman I didn't know touched my arm/shoulder",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset an old woman I didn't know touched my arm/shoulder?
|
Okay so awhile ago I made a post about the incident I'll describe below and besides getting down voted into oblivion a lot of people left comments that I was waking up deciding to be a victim and got called unreasonable and one comment that the mods deleted because it was so rude. So it's clear a lot of people didn't agree with me
Now, onto the story. First thing I'm autistic and in my early 20's second here's the scene, I'm waiting in line at a restaurant to place my order before I sit down, I'm next in line when I felt a hand touch my arm and some random old woman I don't know says "What are those?" at first I thought she just wanted a closer look and turned my arm so she could see it better and said "oh these?" she grabbed my arm and turned it to see the rest of my sleeve and said "all those tattoos" while shaking her head.
At this point I was freaking out a little I don't like confrontation and she was still touching me, then she said something about her granddaughter and basically scrunched my shoulder. I looked at her like she was crazy and literally ran away to go hide in by my mom who had already ordered.
I felt kind of violated and decided to make a post about personal space because you should respect personal space no matter who you are. Obviously I didn't feel threatened by this lady but her touching me still made me uncomfortable and I ended up having a fit later in the day. The reaction I got on my last post made it seem like i was the asshole for being upset so Reddit AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
gl6FUgn5nk4nvmyiphI5ECJzH7QtApEe
|
ahv07b
|
{
"description": "having major school drama circulate around me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For having major school drama circulate around me?
|
Ok, this is a little bit lengthy but I'll try to make it short.
Alright, Here's what happened. So, I don't like this girl named Mercy(Not real name), she is very egotistical, rude, entitled , and bratty. She has a gaggle of followers who are basically clones of her. I don't like them either. So, the story starts when, in English , we have a assignment to write a argumentative essay. I chose to write about how a certain political belief is unnecessary, and stupid. Go up to present my report. And the girls apparently don't agree with me. They decide to handle this discussion with dignity and respect as they interrupt me as I'm speaking, and start yelling at the teacher to stop letting present my report.
​
Strike one.
​
The next incident happens when we are in bible class ( we are in a christian school) and for some reason we are praying, as a dumb joke with my friends, I flip my eyelids as we are praying. The girls hear my friends laughing, and get very upset. As we transition to another class, The girls are yelling at me about how I was disrespectful. Then in the class I am threatened with violence if I don't "Shut up". I go to office about this, and they bring the girl who threatened to " beat the crap out of me." Is in the office. She denies doing anything wrong and refuses to apologize. I try to make peace, but she is not having it. Then her twin sister walks up to the door. This is the crap that went down.
​
Office lady: Hello?
Twin: Oh, hey this is my sisters stuff.
Office lady: Thanks.
Twin: Hey Gavin(my name)...
Office Lady: No, Twin this is not your conversation.
​
After that, the twin sister tries to push open the door with force. I know this sounds like crap that belongs in r/thathappend But, I'm not joking. Office lady pushes back and locks the door. After that she tells us to go to our class. As I'm walking to Literature class the girl is yelling at me insults, pretty petty ones at that. But then shes says this:
"Can you not hear me? I guess you'r just like the rest of your family."
​
Now, I am very open talking about my families hearing problem. My dad needs hearing aids, my grandmother is deaf, and my aunt also needs hearing aids. I think I told her this once through a group discussion (dumb decision) . I proceed to scream at her telling her to shut up about my family. The kids from the bible class hear and open the door. And I walk to class.
​
Strike two.
​
This incident is pretty short. I get called to the office because of "Disturbing reports about my behavior." I'm pretty worried about it, and sit in the office for fifteen minutes as I wait for the office people to finish up. As they tell me to come in they tell me basically this.
"Mercy's parent's emailed us that you said that her original parents didn't want her."
Mercy is a adopted girl from Ethiopia. I said none of what they described. I tell them that that never happened. I get sent to my final period and as I go home my parent get a call saying that Mercy's recount of the incident was inconsistent.
Strike three.
So, I'm trying not to make this sound like a SHP, but I honestly am looking for verification.
​
TL;DR:
Get into massive drama with these girls, I am rude, and they insult me about my family, and tell fake stories in the office.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
oOT5f85FcYPQJDY2UcePHVp4r8VWDmCJ
|
b1lt0q
|
{
"description": "telling my wife to go to the back of the line",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 140
}
|
AITA for telling my wife to go to the back of the line?
|
My wife has a habit of doing this and I've told her in the past that it makes me uncomfortable so today I stood my ground. When we finish shopping at the grocery store, we will get in line and after a while she wanders off and starts picking up more stuff (mind you it's usually just one or two items, not a whole cart full). I'll be at the self checkout ringing up the purchases and she will walk past everyone in line and add her extra stuff to the cart. Today I told her to put it back or go to the back of the line. As far as I'm concerned it's cutting, I get upset when other people do this and I feel like a total hypocrite when I let her do it. She told me I was being irrational and that nobody cared. I told her that it didn't matter and I wasn't going to help her cut, if she knew she wanted to grab more things then she should have done it before announcing that she was all done and ready to go. It's a minor issue, we didn't get into a fight and she took the item (a tray of muffins) back. But I'm curious what others take on this is. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 131,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 18,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 39,
"WRONG": 140
}
|
WRONG
|
ezz1IZ8lf9F7FR4lV4lDZIBVDYHnLGKj
|
a0csa3
|
{
"description": "not letting my mom and sister visit me in my apartment",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting my mom and sister visit me in my apartment?
|
I(21F) recently moved into an apartment paid for by my dad. I've realized that because my dad pays for it, it's not really completely mine. So if he wanted to come over I would let him(he never asks). My parents are divorced, so I don't feel like my mom has an equal right to do that.
My mom called me to ask if she could stop in because my sister really wanted to see the apartment and they were right around the corner. I politely said no because it's not very clean right now and there are Christmas presents out. My mother is very judgemental when it comes to cleanliness and will often make comments. I honestly just didn't have the energy to see them either.
After hearing me say no, my mom's tone of voice completely changed and she got upset. She started being really short with me when I tried to talk to her about scheduling another time. I apologized again and she just hung up on me. AITA asshole for not letting them come over? I just feel like I am an adult now and I don't need to do everything she wants. However I can't help but feel guilty now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Ij2BxD3t2ptiA8UJsMSA5hCKAkSiAvhp
|
aqebjo
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship over my friend wanting sex",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if i ended a friendship over my friend wanting sex?
|
Background info (pardon formatting. am on mobile): I'll refer to this individual as 'H'. H has s/o. H has been dating for a few years. Been friends for a tad longer than they've been together. Recently H seemed to be talking to other people always seemed loyal to s/o.
I dated someone close to H, like very very close. H set me up with their friend. Soon after I start dating them, H asks me to fuck while s/o is working. I decline as I respect H's s/o as I wouldn't appreciate the same to happen to me.
This goes on for awhile. Although at times I may have initiated this because I was wanting to fuck, I quickly ended any conversations related to this.
It's not right and I have made it known to myself to not allow H to cheat on s/o with me. H has gone out with other people of the opposite sex and made out/ fucked.
I'm considering cutting ties. H lost my trust. And it's causing me anxiety and stress. AMITA?
TL;DR - Friend wants to cheat on s/o with me. I don't approve. I lost trust. I want to cut ties.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
1y1CTnla3QYm2B48FOhcz3GI2iT5wKNe
|
a9vzyi
|
{
"description": "having a slip of the tongue and calling my girlfriend fucking retarded",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for having a slip of the tongue and calling my girlfriend fucking retarded?
|
My girlfriend and I have a very respectful relationship. We speak to each other very kindly, and always respect each others wishes.
Just as a back story, I play a phone game that my girlfriend doesn't like (Think Farmville or Clash of Clans) and over the past few months she has asked me to not play this game around her numerous times because I often ignore my surroundings when playing and don't talk to her for up to 5-10 minutes. Fine, I understand this game is a pet peeve of hers and I do my best to never touch this game around her, and I've been doing a pretty good job of not playing around her.
Tonight though, she was on her laptop watching a television show and not really socializing or talking to me much (I have no problem with that at all). Because she was watching her show, I thought it would be okay to pull out my phone and play the game.
The second I opened up the game my girlfriend smacked my phone out of my hands and it landed on my face and hurt kinda bad. Out of instinct I angrily said "Are you fucking retarded??" To be honest, I was shocked those words came out of my mouth, and she was too. She was pretty hurt about it, and for the first minute afterwards I sort of defended myself saying "You shouldn't have smacked my phone out of my hands that really hurt my face" but afterwards I felt really bad about what I said and apologized.
She's mad at me and offended at what I said even though I tried explaining it was an honest slip of the tongue mistake.
AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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AXtsXyL4pqYrpDtACqYw0ZI19BQd25vD
|
akb5i9
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{
"description": "not being able to forgive my father after he cheated on my mom",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not being able to forgive my father after he cheated on my mom?
|
It was around 4 years ago, I was 14 at the time (now I’m soon-to-be 18). My dad cheated on my mother with another woman, who also had two little kids (I have a younger brother). It was devastating for me, because we always had a special relationship, so I couldn’t accept it at first. He left home shortly after to live with this woman and because my mother told him to. He was seeing us every other weekend.
Long story short, this woman was insane. So he came back. I don’t remember quite how it happened, but I think mother forgave him. But he never apologized to her, ever, not even to this day. And he became such a dick to all our family. He began drinking so much that one time he came without his phone and cursed at us telling us that it’s our fault (that’s what’s irritating about him - he loves himself so much that he thinks it’s everybody else’s fault, but not his). And it kept happening. Before that I had never intervened any fight my parents were having, because I was scared. But soon enough I started to feel disgust towards the person who once I have considered important, so I became much more brave. And I got into personal fights with him, and then he told me how miserable and stupid I was and that I have no friends.
So one day he came home drunk as hell, like, CRAZY drunk. I was in my bedroom, when I heard my mom and him having a fight (my brother was asleep). He was telling her how shitty of a person she was, how fat she is, and he was laughing while telling that, and that’s what made me so fucking angry. I was filled with rage and disgust and so much hate towards father. I remember screaming at him and asking him to leave this house immediately. I could not take it any longer. So he went to his parents’ house to spend the night, but came back next evening. And he just could not understand what he did wrong, why are we so angry at him. It felt like I was about to throw up, because I was filled with hate. How can you be that delusional? How can you so easily betray your family, your wife (now ex-wife) and your children, and then not be able to accept that it’s your fault?
My mother forgave him. When I asked her why, she started crying and said that it’s because of my brother, that maybe it would be better for him. I still don’t understand that, but maybe that’s because I’m not a mother.
He isn’t paying bills, you can say he isn’t working at all, he gets money once a three months or something, so my mother is an only source of the income. Father is always annoyed with her. He doesn’t care for me at all. I want to be a biologist, and I have to pass on chemistry, too, but he always told me that chemistry is shit and he never understood it, so it would be better for me to become a mathematician instead (my grandad - his father - has a PhD in physics and math, and father also was a math teacher long ago). He is also complaining about my mom to ME, and when I tell him that I don’t want to listen to his bullshit, he starts telling me what a burden me and mom are and how tired he is because of us even though he’s, quote: “not touching anybody”, like some fucking angel or something. Then he tells me I’m stupid and how he is annoyed with me talking like that to him. And if I cry, he will tell me: “Just fucking stop, I never said a bad word to you”.
My mom now says that their relationship is better than before. I love her so much and I want to support her. But it’s been bugging me for months. I think I’m going insane. My bf tells me that I should just let it go, because we are going to leave for uni soon, but I don’t feel like I can. Maybe I don’t understand something? Maybe I am the a-hole here and I just don’t see how he’s improved since he came back?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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epNGWGgtrb2zlbmP2gfTXThOsfpVuVA4
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anvq4h
|
{
"description": "sleeping with my brother's boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 26
}
|
AITA for sleeping with my brother’s boyfriend?
|
AITA for sleeping with my brother’s boyfriend?
To make things clear, I’m a 17 year old girl (almost 18, senior in high school), and my brother is 18 and openly gay. His boyfriend is also 18, and I always assumed he was gay until now. They’re both freshmen in college.
I’ve always been fairly close to my brother, and he invited me to stay with him and his boyfriend for the weekend. I got there on Friday night and the three of us hung out and smoked and stuff. My brother went to work in the morning, so it was just me and his boyfriend in their apartment.
He started telling me about his and my brother’s sex life, which I thought was weird but didn’t really say anything. He asked about mine, and I told him so was a virgin. Things escalated from there and he ended up asking me to sleep with him so he “could be sure he really didn’t like girls.”
I feel like I should have said no at this point, but I didn’t because I don’t really get a lot of attention from guys. I think I just got really red and changed the subject. He dropped it for a bit, but then he started saying that it would be humiliating to go to college a virgin and that I should just get it over with. I’ve thought the same thing before, so I ended up caving and sleeping with him.
It was pretty awkward during and after, and we both agreed to just forget it ever happened. I left on Sunday and started getting bombarded with texts from my brother ten minutes after I left. I guess his boyfriend felt guilty and told him. My brother was being really mean, so I just told him I didn’t care and blocked his number.
My mom made me talk to my brother on the phone last night. He said me and his boyfriend were equally to blame for this situation, but I disagree. I I don’t think any of this is my fault and this is all on his boyfriend. I’m not even sure I really did anything wrong. It’s the person doing the cheating whose job it is not to cheat. That’s on his boyfriend. I also confronted him about how he and his boyfriend have an open relationship, but he said that’s different because they usually talk about who they’re sleeping with. I didn’t apologize because I don’t think I have anything to be sorry for.
I also want to make it clear that I don’t feel like I was raped or assaulted in any way, as the age of consent in my state is 17. His boyfriend is only like a year older than me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
uYG9tJumMFLnA9L4h3GoJF5dt067KJUx
|
9x8n29
|
{
"description": "not going to my friend's birthday party cause of the dress code",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not going to my friend's birthday party cause of the dress code?
|
So my friend is having a birthday. Pretty good friend. Pretty much my only one after moving to a new town for college. We have been friends for about 4 years. Anyways, it's her birthday today and she is having a soirée. In the invite, it specifically says cocktail party semi-formal.
Problem is that I really don't want to go out spending money on some new clothes right now. I don't actually own any cocktail themed attire. I'm not a slob or anything. I own some nice kahkis and a button down, but I really don't want to go out and buy a vest or a suit for this thing.
Also, how would I go about telling her i'm not going?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
D7qDzFVHA8YLLomEFmXcyrMBsnVoykPD
|
b5fe8c
|
{
"description": "telling my sister her boyfriend can't come to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my sister her boyfriend can't come to my wedding?
|
Even though we aren't kids anymore, as my older sister, she still strikes the fear of God into me. Everyone keeps telling me that it's our wedding, so do what we want. But, as I'm sure most little brothers in this world will attest to, our choices could carry some heavy consequences. Anyway, I love my sister and want her to be there on my wedding day. And I'm sure she wants her boyfriend there to keep her company. But, to put it bluntly, he's a complete fuckhead that I want to knock out every time I see him. Am I the asshole for banishing her beau?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
r9VfjEasGzUOhkXHPpPJdYpOu76yVqqh
|
axv62f
|
{
"description": "thinking it's weird my moms boyfriend is closer to age to me than hers",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I think it's weird my moms boyfriend is closer to age to me than hers
|
I'm a 17 year old Male and my moms boyfriend is 27. My mom is 38. Along with his multiple issues of anger, violence, not being able to function unless high, am I in the wrong to think it's weird that I'm almost adopting an older brother to some extent?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
BGcYoFRVMruxdV44IpL4opo6Mh2bZF2W
|
a2tv2a
|
{
"description": "snapping at my bf in front of his friends",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for snapping at my bf in front of his friends? [UPDATE] (also, AITA for the new developments?)
|
Hi everyone. A few people asked for an update, and I found the time and energy to write one, so I thought I would make one, but **this is pretty long**. My original post can be found [\[\[HERE\]\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a1zy3p/aita_for_snapping_at_my_boyfriend_in_front_of/). TL;DR of that post was my bf and “friends” occasionally made sexual jokes about me even though the jokes made me uncomfortable. Even though I told my bf to stop before, my post was about snapping at my bf at dinner with friends to stop the jokes. My bf got mad at me, told me not to speak to him like that, and called me emotionally abusive. That’s the gist. Pretty much all the comments said I was not the A-hole. Thanks to everyone who commented on that.
I posted that on November 30 I believe. It’s now December 3rd, and even though its only been a few days, a lot has happened. So much stuff I never expected that I can’t believe its happened. It’s really been a whirlwind since I made my post. Some people wanted an update so I wrote down some of the stuff that happened so I could remember it all.
To keep this post relevant to the sub, I’m still asking for feedback about if I am the A-hole for anything, etc. **A TL;DR is at the bottom.** AITA?
First off, I went to break up with him on the morning of December 1, though it quickly turned into a mutual breakup as my now ex didn’t seem upset about breaking up. It was surprising actually, it was very civil. He even said something like “we had rough times but in the future I will look back at us with fond memories.” This surprised me a little but I just wanted to leave so I essentially just said “same” and left. Only a few minutes after leaving I felt a huge weight had been lifted off my chest.
Anyway, later that day on December 1st, I was just doing some stuff to relax, like watching funny youtube videos. I tweeted something like “I just laughed the hardest I have in a while, it felt really good” and thought nothing of it. It’s like me to tweet random pointless things so this wasn’t out of character for me. A couple hours later, I get a lot of angry texts from my ex (I didn’t block his number because the breakup seemed civil and I just forgot about it). He was attacking me for my tweet, called me a machine with no emotions, like a robot, and said other things like “just get out of my life you absolutely mean person.” He said I never actually cared about him. There were some cuss words in there and a lot of caps lock. I just kind of freaked out, tried to deescalate the situation, etc, but my ex was having none of it and eventually stopped replying. I did too and tried to ignore it all. By this point our “friends” knew about the break up.
So yesterday on December 2nd, I woke up feeling bad/angry about the situation so I messaged all my “friends” that I wanted to talk about some things with them. I didn’t say it but I wanted to talk about the jokes and one other thing: in the couple of months before the break up, I noticed that my friends kept ditching plans with me to do them with my bf. For example, twice I asked everyone if they wanted to see a new movie together. They said yes and we set a tentative date. However, both times I would message them about the movie, and they revealed they had already gone to see it with my then bf. This happened twice, even though the second time I offered to buy all the tickets. Nothing like this happened when one of the guys would make plans.
They agreed to talk. It went well at first but my ex didn’t show because, as I later found out, he was “too scared” of me to come. Anyway, the talk went well and I thought most of the issues there were resolved. At the end of the talk my bf texted one of the guys and said he was too scared to come because I emotionally abused him. To my knowledge this was the first time the guys heard this because they didn’t know what my ex was talking about.
We left the discussion and one of the guys went over to talk to my ex. Soon after I got a message from this guy. He said he wanted me and my ex to talk things out. I was skeptical and didn’t want to but he kept pressuring me to do it so I gave in. This guy told me to basically let my ex “walk all over me” by not arguing with my ex, because my ex was feeling too sensitive and upset for confrontation… so why would he want to talk? But whatever…. I just did it so everyone would get off my back and to try to get some closure. So yesterday night I talked to my ex from like 11pm to 1am. A lot of stuff was said and I don’t remember it all. But a few things stood out to me.
First, my ex defined me emotionally abusing him as a couple things: the incident at dinner, overall emotional incompatibility, life goals that were already interfering with each other (?), clashing personalities, and finally that me “abusing” him was “not my fault.” So I was very confused. I don’t think these count as abuse?
I then tried to tell him how I felt. These included: he brought up his struggle with mental illness when we would argue and I felt like he would try to manipulate me with it; he got frustrated at me when I didn’t want to spend all my free time with him; told me asexuality was an “issue” to “get over” when I was questioning myself; and finally, he would pressure me into sex. He did this a decent amount. He would say he needed sex to relieve tension and feel better. When I would cry during sex he would get upset as well but then convince me to keep going by saying “we’ll both feel better if we finish it” so I just always gave in and obliged. I rarely wanted sex with him, especially more recently, but always consented just to get him off my back. I felt gross doing this but I thought it would’ve been better to just deal with it. I didn’t tell him all of this because I didn’t want to make him mad, it’s just how I felt. Especially being pressured into sex in a past relationship, it really sucked, but I’m glad its over now.
ANYWAY, when I tried to explain ANY of this to him, he would not take any responsibility for it, even though I never said “I blame you for \_\_\_\_” or anything. One thing I remember is when I told him about feeling pressured into sex, he said that he only ever did something like that because he felt neglected or because he was frustrated with me for “something I did or didn’t do” in the time between sexual encounters. I felt really bad about this but didn’t really know how to respond so I did kind of end up letting my ex “walk all over me.” I also didn’t want to make a scene because we were in a semi-public place and didn’t want to look weak by leaving early. Also I was worried if I got angry he would have more evidence for me being abusive. Eventually it ended and I left.
Before I left he told me that his family, who I have met and got along with, now hates me.
I thought (hoped) that could be the end of things but earlier today (Dec 3) something else happened. I tried reaching out to a couple of the friends I felt closer to, but something was weird. In a couple of classes I had with the guys, they seemed to avoid me more than usual so I asked what was up. They said my ex was really “messed up” by what happened and they want to focus on making him better so can’t focus on me, or something. They mentioned that my ex had been in their room crying for a few hours. I told them that I was being falsely accused of stuff but they were all like “we don’t really know what happened but (ex) is more torn up than you so we need to be good friends to him.”
Something about this just rubbed me the wrong way, so after I was done with classes I wrote a document that was basically a letter to the group chat. It basically said that I was being falsely accused and my “friends” were blindly giving in and devoting themselves to my ex. I told them that I was cutting them off and told them to not contact me again.
I did this kind of at the advice of redditors who commented on my original post, and partially on impulse, so I feel kind of bad about doing it. They might think I was being an emotional, rude bitch and shit talk me behind my back? I don’t know. None of them have contacted me, so that’s good obviously, but I can’t help but feel that I am owed an apology. But it really hurts because I’ll see some of them in class, and I’m basically left with no friends. These guys were my only friends at school, all I have are some acquaintances left, nobody I could text and be like “hey want to hang out?”
So while I’m happy about the break up, I feel so crappy because I have no friends left and it almost feels worse. I’ve just been watching funny youtube videos and doing homework. It’s been helping, but at this point I’m overall just numb I guess?
AITA for any of this? And once again thank you everyone for your helpful comments.
**TL;DR:** lots of stuff happened. My now ex continued to accuse me of abuse. “Friends” weren’t helpful. Ex wouldn’t take any responsibility. So I lost the ex, lost the friends. I’m now basically alone.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
OGNujAKHtnRGrMB8ZvxacE6VN1y2tfun
|
at00ra
|
{
"description": "not telling my husband I accidentally killed his cat",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for not telling my husband I accidentally killed his cat?
|
Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
​
My husband has... or, had a cat which he adopted several years before we got together. We've since gotten a couple more, but he always considered that one to be his original fur-child. I loved her too, which is why it guts me to share what happened last week as I was returning home from work one night.
​
The cat is a full black cat, and she roamed around outside often - something that I always didn't like and made me nervous, since we live in a fairly busy area where there are a lot of cars going by. It was dark when I was driving home, it was night by the time I got off work and as I was coming down the street she darted across the road just outside our house, I didn't see her in time and... you already know what happened.
​
I felt absolutely horrible and I immediately parked the car in the driveway and broke down in tears. I couldn't even look at the cat without wanting to vomit - she was definitely dead - so I went inside, and my husband was also out at work so I was desperately trying to calm down and figure out how I was going to tell him. A couple hours later I'd calmed down a bit and was trying to draft up something to say, when my husband storms inside and starts yelling and swearing, going on about how some fucker ran down the cat, saying he was gonna be the shit out of whoever did it, etc. I understand he was just angry and really upset - normally he's the calmest person I've ever met - but at that moment his rage completely shocked me and I just sort of froze up, and I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd been the one to kill his precious cat, even by accident. I was worried he'd turn that anger on me, so I just let him think it was some random person and grieved along with him when we got her out of the street and buried her in the backyard.
​
That was about a week ago and the guilt has me eating me alive, but I feel like saying something now after all this time would be even worse than admitting what I'd done right from the beginning. So, AITA for not telling the truth to my husband about his cat?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
dO81dtcC09vtDnHjYaMhLltJFQCcTERK
|
b73vem
|
{
"description": "distancing myself from my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for distancing myself from my best friend?
|
So I've been friends with this girl (we're both in our early 20s) since we were toddlers. We had our ups and downs in our friendship but always stayed by each other's side. There were times when I felt like I was her "side" friend - she had moments when she wouldn't want to hang out but that was mostly in middle school and I guess we were all terrible back then. Through highschool and the beginning of college we relied on each other and saw each other nearly every week. Idk what happened recently but it seems like our friendship just disappeared overnight. She started trying to make a career as an "influencer" on instagram but didn't come far. She basically gave up on college, found a job in a bar and became extremely self-centered. We used to have normal conversations but now she can only talk about herself and it's really hard for me to just start a dialogue with her. She would also send me litteral essays as sort of "updates" on her life as we now live in different countries. It always felt kind of narcissistic to me but I let it slide at first. Then I realised that when I messaged her back she would almost never answer me. The essays were all I was receiving at that point. I then decided to just give up - she wouldn't take me seriously anymore and only used me as someone who would listen to her endless problems. I stopped responding to her messages as it was leading nowhere. It makes me really sad and angry at the same time to give up on a friendship that used to be strong but I have other friends I can rely on now and don't need the negativity.
So is there something else I could do? Or AITA for just giving up without an explanation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
49v9R2pjmShJn6CA1kpUpUB5hW5oZqh8
|
aic631
|
{
"description": "quitting my Bowling Team",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For Quitting My Bowling Team?
|
I didn’t like my job and so I joined a work bowling league to try to make some friends. I ended up switching companies shortly after starting the league and like my new job a lot.
I’ve still been playing with my old work team, and there’s only 3 members per team including myself. I don’t work there anymore, I don’t feel a real connection to my team members (we don’t have a lot in common) and I am not passionate about bowling - am I an asshole if I quit my small 3 person team half way through the league?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
2mEuDvvUDG4fRGdSDV0SFej1fACPAXlN
|
a0y0gv
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my brother due to him telling me he'll drive me to two different appointments and being late because he oversleeps",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my brother due to him telling me he'll drive me to two different appointments and being late because he oversleeps?
|
Im on my phone so excuse the formatting. So I don't have a car at the current moment and have been relying on my brother to give me rides here and there. I tell him the plans a few days in advance and make sure to remind him of the appointments the night before, as well. But now two different times, I've been late and have had to reschedule my appointment because he never wakes up on time. Am I being a dick for getting mad at him because I dont have a car?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
ZXQtPRRrIu7plbwiDbfHapDC5xny31Xm
|
auggdi
|
{
"description": "giving a friend a choice on effort",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for giving a friend a choice on effort
|
Burner account cause friends know my main account
Background, I'm currently a junior in high school, friend is a senior. We were real close friends for 3 years. This happened a couple of months ago, but a recent argument with someone else brought it up again and I've always been worried I was in the wrong. Now I have the tool of this sub.
So me and her had an argument a few months back to which she blocked me for a petty reason (I already got judgement from others on that). A month goes by and I finally find I'm unblocked, ask her if she's still mad, and she says no. After this though, I have to initiate every single interaction, from talking to texting to spending time together (which she always declined). She didn't even say hello in the halls. Only on 2 occasions does she show any effort, once the day after I texted her where she came over and sat with me for the final 10 mins of a study hall we share and the week before Christmas break.
She asked to spend time with me on the coming Saturday but I had to decline as we had plans with family from out of town and would be gone the whole day. So over the first few days of break she occasionally sends me memes when we're not having a conversation, and those we do have I initiated.
Fast forward to the day after Christmas and she blows up on me (all through texting mind you) for never talking to her, never spending time with her, etc despite me always asking and texting nearly every other day. When I call her out on this, she responds with "well you could say hi once in a while" which rather confused me.
Once we both calmed down after more arguing, I tell her that if she's not going to put in any effort then neither will I. She reads this and blocks me and it remains that way now. I've made no attempt to fix it this time.
Which I why I come here. As I said, recent conversations brought this up again and I've had some people tell me to get into contact somehow and others say not to and I'm at a loss. I'm worried I didn't do the right thing, and am seeking more mature judgement. So, AITA for not trying to fix it this time?
TL;DR friend gets mad at me for “not giving them enough attention” despite me initiating anything we do, blocks me when called out and given a choice
I apologize for any formatting, grammar or spelling errors. I'm on mobile and its a bit late where I live.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
XIF9gWIf0l9x43Noa8qthZGEMH9587OG
|
axyymf
|
{
"description": "emptying a tube of superglue into an old lady's tires",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for emptying a tube of superglue into an old lady's tires?
|
So this incident happened quite a while ago (around 5 years back) when I was in 6th grade and it was brought up recently when I told a really close friend of mine about the whole incident hoping to laugh over it, but he said it was an asshole move and that what I did was basically damage to property.
So back then I used to live in an apartment complex where I used to play with a bunch of my friends every evening. That is, until this woman moved in. We used to play cricket (a pretty popular sport in my country) right beneath her block and she would scream at us for absolutely no reason whatsoever- she once complained to one kid's parents and lied that our ball had damaged her hatchback. This one time the ball had landed in her balcony and she refused to give us our ball back.
We then decided to play football (or soccer) in this little field we had in our complex. It was pretty far away from this lady's house so we figured she can't possibly complain about that. We were wrong. This woman walks by our freshly mowed field on her evening walk and goes "Don't play football here or you'll ruin the field," and goes on to say, rather angrily, that she needs the field to be in perfect condition so that she and her friends could walk on it. This pissed us off big time because there was A LITERAL PAVEMENT near the field where she could walk to her heart's content, but we decided not to make too big a deal out of it so we moved on to cycling (for which she yelled at us for riding too close to her car) and then onto badminton (for which she screamed at us for being too close to her plants, which she had planted real close to the badminton court in a spot that wasn't technically even her's).
At this point we had decided enough was enough and that we had to do something about her and get revenge. So I, along with a bunch of friends hatched a plan where three of my friends stood guard while I poured superglue into the old lady's car's tires. And that is exactly what I did. I squeezed every single ounce of glue out of my tube of superglue into the lady's four tires and made sure she couldn't fill them up without breaking the nozzle.
My reasoning was that she'd have to fill in her tires sooner or later and then she'd realise that her tires are fucked up and that she'd have to pay to replace all four of them and by that point she wouldn't be able to trace the deed back to us.
We quickly made our way out of there and I'm still surprised by the fact that we didn't get caught. I had attained legendary madlad status among my friends. Thankfully nobody snitched on me so that was cool.
Looking back on this I kinda understand that the whole thing was a pretty rough thing to do to a late 50s, early 60s woman but imo she totally deserved it for being an absolute bitch to children.
TL;DR I poured superglue into an old lady's tires because she was being a bitch about me and my friends playing.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
99n8nTaMFGvvWmkRmhypQagLz2z2bTXB
|
b9gd26
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to look at apartments with me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to look at apartments with me?
|
It’s as stupid as it sounds, but I don’t know if I’m being an A or not here .
I (37/F) have been with my SO (37/M) for a year. I’m currently house hunting. He and I have been unofficially living together and we’re both going to be moving into this place. He’s currently unemployed and has been struggling to find work. I pay the bills, which I don’t mind. I love him and want to support him while he gets back on his feet. I would hope he’d do the same for me.
I asked him to come look at a place and he got super angry with me, said that it’s not right that I’d ask him to look at apartments when he can’t afford a coffee (this was after he’d agreed to look at it, and had been sending me links of places I might like). . I told him that I wanted his support in a major decision, he’d be living there too and I wanted his input. We fought about it, neither of us budged and he moved out.
So reddit, AITA for making a major purchase while he’s struggling? He would have benefited from it too. I get that he’s broke and all, but I don’t understand why this has led to our breakup.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Og2tqFtuC29N4sD8zz3wKd3kH1pkIiLd
|
9zb8z3
|
{
"description": "fake grabbing a spoon when I play \"spoons\"",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for fake grabbing a spoon when I play “spoons”?
|
So I am pretty dang good at the card game “spoons” and one of my strategies is fake grabbing it so other people do and they lose. Everyone goes “dang Luke you jerk, that’s cheating” but the rules don’t say you can’t fake grab one. AITA for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
0Jmlb1C2WfIQtFU8WuIah78pVwG303LQ
|
b22twb
|
{
"description": "avoiding my in-laws house",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I avoid my in-laws house?
|
My husband's great-grandmother just passed away, and he was very close to her. We live a couple hours away, but later this week we're driving up for the funeral services and staying for a night at a hotel. There's a wake and then a funeral the next day, and I know that in-between services, he's going to want to be at his parents house. I totally get that, and I really do love his family.
Here's where I kinda feel like an asshole. I want to support him, but anytime there's the potential for us to spend more than 10 minutes at his parents' house, I get real anxious. His parents are hoarders, and the house is filthy. They have a whole bunch of cats, and the litter box rarely gets changed, so the whole house smells like cat pee, and the bathroom situation is gross. When I'm there, I feel like I don't want to sit on or touch anything, because everything has a layer of dirt/pet hair on it. I have generalized anxiety disorder, and part of that is I'm a bit germaphobic, so it's really hard for me to be in the house for long periods of time. I've never been rude about it at all, and just tried to deal with it, but it seems to get harder every time. The easiest thing for me would just be for me to stay at the hotel, or for his family to come chill with us at the hotel. WIBTA if I don't stay with him at his parents' house that much? I want to be supportive, but I don't know what to do. Last time I was there, I had to dip out of Christmas early because I was on the verge of a panic attack (I said I was just tired, and everyone was understanding). I also know I should talk to him about this, but I don't want to add another thing onto his plate. As I type this out, I feel like maybe ITA, but I'm still curious about outside opinions.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Pn3ekjdHjBqdivH9PQnJvi3f4aS0tmvd
|
a9qecb
|
{
"description": "telling a girl she's not my usual type",
"pronormative_score": 37,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for telling a girl she's not my usual type
|
Been talking with a girl from tinder for about a week and a half. We've met up once, had an awkward first kiss, and have kept in medium contact over the holidays (around 2-3 texts a day). It's my first time on a dating app since my breakup a few months ago, and I've been having some decent success. However, I don't really know the scene, and since I'm far more used to being in the relationship I always wonder about how I should be conducting myself.
This girl is very cute, but is very much a different "type" than I'd normally pursue (which is nerdy, cutesy/innocent, awkward). She's very sarcastic (which fluctuates between witty and pessimistic), she goes "out" far more than I'm used to, and she likes movies but doesn't seem like too much of a nerd. I don't really know what this would mean for our long term prospects, but honestly I'm just trying to casually date, so that's not at the forefront of my mind.
So, being a straight up kind of guy and feeling like I can share more with her, I said "you know, you're not my usual 'type' that I commonly pursue but I'm really enjoying this and looking forward to seeing where it goes". To which I received silence.
This morning she messaged me to tell me that what I said was "offensive" and that I'm basically saying she's not good enough for me. I'm a pretty sympathetic guy, so I *can* see how she could take this the wrong way, but damn if there's not another part of my psyche throwing up red flags at this very moment. Normally (in a relationship) I would just exhaustively talk to my partner to resolve the tension between us, but that's not really an option in the newly dating world.
So, AITA and should make it up to this girl?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 37,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
RIGHT
|
7WaFFfnW9HV6cIsPHcd0QhX9vIzayjUA
|
abjwkd
|
{
"description": "not wanting to have kids with someone with mental illnesses",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for not wanting to have kids with someone with mental illnesses?
|
For the record, I'm currently single and have mental illnesses myself. My fear is that in the long term, if me and someone else with their own mental conditions were to have children together, I would be constantly on edge of both parents having a relapse at the same time, or at least severely heightening the risk of our own children having both our mental conditions all at once. I know that most here believe everyone should be free to date or not date whoever they want, but am I being a hypocrite for having this be a personal turn-off (not deal-breaker)? Especially since I am well aware others can easily flip the question on me.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
5PwFkfzRW2fhkLauuCsk6pfzfjZK8NSs
|
asyjvo
|
{
"description": "telling my adopted coworker they were a mistake",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling my adopted coworker they were a mistake?
|
So I'm a student and work part time at the night shift at a very busy grocery store. A few coworkers and I like to show up half an hour early to work to play dominoes in the break room. A big part of us playing dominoes is the mind-game aspect of it. We like to confuse and insult other players to get them to lose their focus on the math involved in the game. Basically a lot of trash talking.
Anyway, I'm playing with two coworkers before work last week, we'll call them E and P. We're all playing, talking smack to each other, making fun of each other and having an over all jolly time. We're cracking jokes about sexual relations with each others mothers, insulting each others' intelligence etc. etc.... All lighthearted in the spirit of the game.
So as we're playing, P puts down a domino and E says, condescendingly, "It's ok P, everyone makes mistakes." And I say, "Yeah, E, like your parents."
Suddenly E and P go silent and shoot me the dirtiest of looks. I realize I must have gone too far and instantly apologize. Neither E or P talk to me for the rest of the game (5 min) and as we go to clock in as our shift starts E tells me, "I didn't like that joke." I say "I'm sorry, I went too far. I shouldn't have said that. It wasn't funny."
Throughout the day I'm getting nervous, because that sort of reaction is not normal for the kind of joking we do. I go up to P later to ask if everything's OK and P tells me, "You know E was adopted, right?"
My heart sank instantly. I had no idea.
I feel awful. If I had known beforehand that E was adopted I never would have made a joke like that. It was not intended as anything personal, just run of the mill trash talking. I feel like a jerk and that I ruined our friendship. I've been trying to find a way to apologize and explain myself, but E still won't talk to me. I want too let E know that I respect them and had I known their circumstance, I never would have made such a joke, but they won't give me a chance to explain myself. Anytime we're in a room together, E leaves before I can get a word in.
Anyway, do you think its possible to redeem our friendship? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
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