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aq99zh
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{
"description": "getting angry at my mother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my mother?
|
A little context:
I am a 16 year old male.
I spent the majority of my Christmas holiday in Budapest, Hungary.
I was there with my mother and younger brother.
I only see my mother about twice a year as she lives in a different continent (my parents are divorced and I live with my father).
My mother has been a smoker for 25+ years. I have tried to talk her out of it but have failed each time.
We had been having a wonderful time in this beautiful city up until this point.
So...
For Christmas eve we had nothing really planned and expected to spend it in our holiday apartment as we normally don't celebrate such an occasion. My mum decided that it would be nice to have dinner at a nearby restaurant. I initially disagreed saying that everything would be closed due to the holiday. However it was eventually settled that, by the slight chance a restaurant would be open, it would be a much better evening to go out rather than being stuck inside an empty apartment.
We wandered the streets for a while and, in time, found a restaurant that was open. I noticed that a sign on the door stated that reservations had to be made prior, however I ignored it and proceeded into the restaurant with my mother and brother. Once in, we were told to wait as a table was being prepared. We waited around 10 minutes before eventually being led to a table at the back of the restaurant.
Things seemed to be going well as we discussed what our next endeavours were as well as commenting on our surroundings in the restaurant (which included a very loud group of people sitting next to us) etc. Our orders were made and we continued to talk. My mother popped out for a cigarette leaving me and my brother at the table. Our food then came (not really important to the story, but I highly reccomend chicken paprikas) and we began eating.
After a while my brother and I wondered what was taking our mother so long.
She came back into the restaurant with a stranger she had found outside. She commented that he was looking for some place to have a drink and that she offered him a seat at our table. I thought nothing of this at first but slowly started to get concerned.
Me and my brother introduced ourselves as he sat down. My mother initiated a conversation that took up most of our time at the restaurant.
He mentioned that he was only in the country for 12 hours and that he had just arrived and had to be heading to a bus later.
The conversation continued until my mother decided to go outside for a cigarette leaving me and my brother alone with the man we had just met.
Awkwardness would ensue as the conversation came to a halt. His questions also became a little bit more personal (directed mostly at me).
My mum came back telling us that the restaurant was kicking us out due to some prior reservations. We abruptly shook hands and said goodbye to the stranger (my mum seemed like she was in a hurry).
As we walked back to the apartment I began questioning my mother on her decision to leave us alone with the stranger (I have to admit I did this in an agressive fashion and that I fully regret my approach to her). She replied that everything turned out fine and that I was mature enough to deal with any situation that could have arised. I brought up certain scenarious that I would have no control over (eg. If my little brother was being touched under the table) and mentioned that this was unlikely to happen in her presence (my mother is quite intimidating unlike myself). She continued to deny that there was anything wrong with the situation putting an emphasis on me having to be responsible over my brother in any situation and that it was a sort of test of my courage.
I began to get frustrated telling her that it was entirely irresponsible to leave us. She would then comment that I was like my father (she would often does this when she gets angry at me. I loathe the fact that she relates me to her vision of him; a narcissistic perfectionist. I often feel extremely sorry for my father who is set with the task of caring and bringing up me and my brother by himself with little help from her).
The argument continued almost all the way back to the apartment. The increasing tension and anger led her to walk in a different direction. I continued on the path to the apartment, turning around and seeing my mother jingle the keys and flick me off as she walked further away. I told my brother to continue to the apartment as I assumed she would not abandon us.
We got to the apartment eventually and waited for around twenty minutes until she came back angrier than ever.
We got inside and continued to argue. I told her that she is ironically too immature to be telling me to mature. She mentioned that she would refuse to talk as "it is better to harbour anger inside you than taking it outside" (my mother's second tongue is English and this quote is entirely misquoted), to which I responded that it was "some bullshit" she found on Pinterest. I continued to hurl insults at her "spirituality" (where she sought her answers. This was mostly in books about empathic abilities, chakras, indigo children, astrology, tarot cards and whatnot).
I also mentioned a previous argument I had with her
...
[This happened about a year ago. During an emotional conversation I opened up to my mother and told her I was suicidal and found life utterly meaningless. We would get into an argument later on where I used the cliché line: "sometimes I wish I was never born" to which she responded "well go and kill yourself then". This would go on to impact me greatly (she has not apologised since)].
...
and told her that she was so stubborn that she probably wouldn't have regretted saying what she did. She proceeded to flick me off again and walked out the door.
I asked whether my brother agreed with me and found that he was on my side of the argument.
My mother would come back in an hour looking slightly tipsy completely ignoring me. She proceeded to the shower where I could hear her sob quietly. At this point I had to put in my headphones to mute the sound of her crying.
I waited for her to exit and immediately apologised and was greeted by another "fuck off and go to sleep".
A few hours later after going to my bed (which is the sofa in the living room), I heard my mum go to the kitchen. I got up and attempted to apologise again and I was met by the same fate.
My brother then came out about 20 minutes later telling me he had nightmares about the stranger and that he was scared about whether he had stalked us home or not.
It's now on two months later and the situation still lingers in my head.
I want to state that, depsite being personally insulted by her first, I believe I was completely in the wrong for using ad hominem that had no relevancy to the issue and I have apologised multiple times - I have still been greeted by a blank silence .
I also noted a couple things about the stranger:
- He was tall, a little on the heavier side and had a clean look about him (he was clean shaven and had a new haircut). He was intimidating throughout the ordeal.
- He greeted my brother saying "You must be _____". He then proceeded to greet me with his own name (which was also my name), and THEN asked for my name as he shook my hand. I responded to which he was surprised stating "Oh. that's my name too!". I found this quite odd at the time as I assumed my mum had told him our names prior (as he greeted my brother with his name). I would later question myself whether this may have been an incidental coincidence to "break ice".
- He spoke broken English as it was his third language. He spoke quite confidently but lacked a sizable vocabulary. He would often look to either me or my mother to finish his sentences when he spoke.
- He was unnaturally aggressive. He would often correct us when we spoke about certain topics that came into the conversation. (Eg. "Our family originates from the South of ______ " to which he would reply "actually that's the East of ______" and then continue basking in his prowess as he explained to us our history; to which we were already fairly familiar). I don't think much of this however, as he seemed to be entirely out of place as demonstrated by his certain mannerisms.
- He would be quite physical with my younger brother at times, often nudging him and touching his hair for an unusual period of time and even kicking him jokingly under the table.
- He noticed that my brother was uninterested in the conversation and offered to "fuck off" to which my mother said that everything was okay and that he should stay. I found this very bizzare as it was entirely unexpected.
- He would ask very personal questions to me specifically. This included: "Do you smoke weed?" and "What is your Gender and what are you interested in?" (Insinuating my sexual preferences). I have to add that I have been told that I have certain feminine features, but this did not garner a question about my sexuality. I did not answer his question. I also found it quite bizzare that he asked these question as he was told I was 16 and that I am not very sociable (by my mother of course). I have yet to mention this to my mother as she was not paying attention at the time.
*Furthermore, I would like to state that this may or may not have any pertinance to the issue at hand*
TL;DR: I commented on my mother's irrational decision to leave me and my little brother alone in a restaurant with a complete stranger. We argued, hurling insults at each other, which ultimately led to me making her cry.
Note: I apologise for the unusual length and structure. I am writing this on my phone as I am still in the process of building a new computer. It is also my first time posting to this subreddit and fourth time posting to Reddit in general (though I have been using the app f
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
LbD0oajD3YyoocruXperSnWNsjjFa2F7
|
a5b2y9
|
{
"description": "not wanting to see my estranged dad",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to see my estranged dad
|
My parents divorced when I was young. Went through the whole custody and visitation thing. Dad smoked weed around us (my siblings and I) when we were very small children (I was maybe 3 or 4) and would drink more than he should, was usually nice but could be verbally abusive. Called me one day and said “long time no fucking hear from”, remodeled my room at his house into a guest bedroom that I wasn’t allowed to use (I had to sleep on the pleather couch), and made a lot of empty promises. Never hit us but had the cops called by my mother at least a few times. Showed up at my house one day looking for me even though I hadn’t spoke to him for over five years.
I know how to hold a grudge. I have a bad habit of holding serious grudges and not letting things slide. So that’s where it gets interesting.
My parents who used to berate each other to their kids behind the other’s back have recently started talking again and become somewhat more amicable towards one another. He’s reunited with my siblings but I haven’t wanted to see him. He’s apologized (to them) for his past behavior but I don’t know if I want to let him back into my life. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Fl2mbZQ9Y3cKtWIugP6VOP0WnWTTYTfv
|
b3e37h
|
{
"description": "cancelling at the \"last minute\"",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for cancelling at the "last minute"?
|
My buddy (let's call him Joe) wanted to go away for a weekend for his 20th birthday last week. Him, I, and four other friends had agreed on this trip way in advance. However I had some stuff to deal with (school related and family related) so 7 days before we would have left, I told him I had to cancel. I was informed of that family related incidents a few hours before I told him I couldn't go. Now me cancelling made one of the other guys cancel, which made everyone else cancel.
I explain to Joe my situation and that we should reschedule for after final exams or in the summer. My birthday is in November, and I've celebrated it after Christmas some years (I really don't care that much about it). Seriously though, he's turning 20, not 10. He gets really fucking salty about it and claims that his birthday is "ruined" and tells any mutual friends of ours that
I'm a loser and that I "contribute nothing to society". We haven't spoken since. He claims that he will never talk to me again and he is happy with this "life choice".
To give some more detail, we hadn't even decided where we going to stay, or what we were going to do over that weekend. We planned on going to Montreal. We live in Niagara Falls (Ontario).
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
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{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
kum0izR4xi3DFu8Mfo4mtgoopJzIP440
|
afcpui
|
{
"description": "not telling my friend that someone he wasn't interested in had a crush on him when I was specifically told not to tell him",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my friend that someone he wasn’t interested in had a crush on him when I was specifically told not to tell him?
|
So I have this friend I will call M for convenience. Another friend told me that she knew someone who had a crush on M, but she would only tell me if I gave her my word not to tell anyone, especially not him. I said yes, because I was curious and didn’t think it would be a problem if I kept it a secret. So she told me it who it was (let’s call that person S) and I stood by my promise and didn’t tell anyone. M eventually found out that S had a crush on him and also that I knew it but didn’t tell him and was really mad. I didn’t really understand his frustration as I didn’t think I did anything wrong. I knew that he wasn’t interested in S and I also really didn’t want to break a promise I gave. So now I want to know from you if I was a asshole ore if it was ok.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
QJhBimRcK7U9D9qqmb99aHlYGWSgNRuE
|
b3tkn2
|
{
"description": "calling my friend on her bs",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I called my friend on her BS
|
K(26F) was always on the fringe of my college friend group. She's pretty socially awkward but she came as a package deal with S & was nice. She could've fit in, but her constant lying got in the way. Ex: We'd invite her to parties or bars & she'd pretend she was too hungover to go out. Sometimes she'd say she changed her mind & had gone to a different party without us.
​
We hit a turning point with her last summer. The group planned a hiking trip in Peru. The permits for the trail & mandatory tour guide were expensive & we had to get them months early, so we all committed to training. Most of us are in shape, so we weren't too worried, but we still wanted to make sure the hike wouldn't be an ordeal. K sent our group text weekly training updates but seemed visibly worried the day before the hike. She ended up being voluntarily hospitalized for altitude sickness & refused to give the rest of the group updates on what was happening to her. My friends & I tried to explain her situation to the tour company to get her a refund. They called the hospital in front of us, confirmed that she was fine to hike, & refused. We were embarrassed already, but even more so when she showed up ready to start the hike without ever acknowledging the huge lie she'd been caught in.
​
The hike turned into a nightmare. She fell hours behind the rest of the group, even with us carrying her things. We'd go ahead so we could grab lunch with the other hikers in our group & then double back to reach K again & bring her water refills. Our guides told us to go ahead & let them stay with her. For the next 4 days, she'd enter camp hours after everyone else, delaying the meals for everyone & not really acknowledging the guide/porters who were working double time to help her. She even had to be carried down the mountain by porters in the dark because her pace was so slow. I admire her for persisting in the hike but we (not to mention everyone else in our hiking group who hadn't signed up for this) got fed up with her making self-deprecating jokes constantly instead of just acknowledging she hadn't trained/thanking people for waiting/apologizing for the huge inconvenience she'd caused everyone.
​
Most of our mutual friends wrote her off after that, but I've always felt bad for her since it's clear her lying is fueled by insecurity. I had lunch with her for the first time this year & she started telling more ridiculous stories. I'd pretty much had it by then & excused myself. WIBTA if I just called her out on all of the BS she's told us or is it kinder to slow fade her out of the group like the rest of my friends have done?
​
tl;dr: I have a friend who lowkey irritates everyone by BSing all the time and highkey ruined a trip with her behavior. WIBTA if I called her out on lying or is this a time when it's better to just let things go?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
3EyB7srbTPfcYXxwrml2Rr9G7ChdaejV
|
akbl0u
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{
"description": "going to Japan specifically after I had been told not to by my [hypocritical] club",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I went to Japan specifically after I had been told not to by my [hypocritical] club
|
This story is a bit complicated.
To begin I'm 17 and an exchange student in Taiwan. While applying for the exchange process I selected my top countries those being; Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, Thailand, and India. (In that order) the order is important because the club I applied through tried to give your top choice to you based on grades and language skills.
After the strenuous application process I was selected to go to Taiwan. I won't lie, I was a bit disappointed but after delving into the language and culture of the island I was really excited to go.
Once there I met up with the family that would look after me for the year. I absolutely love the family I'm with. The mother is a bollywood/yoga instructor and the father is an easy going man who works with stocks. I have a host brother about 6 years younger than me who's main goal is to become the next Michael Jordan, he's already half way there cause his English name is Jordan.
About a month into my exchange they told me the club president had prepared a cruise to japan close to the end of the exchange and the the members of the club would like me to come. I accepted of course. I then spent 3 months on cloud nine. I took up japanese classes on top of the chinese language course, my taiwan high school, and home country's schooling requirements. I ended up understanding Japanese fairly easily. Quite a bit of it comes from chinese and it's honestly easier to read/write/speak than chinese. I figured a trip to japan would help me better understand Taiwanese culture. Considering at one japan occupied taiwan. (Theres still japanese influence today due to close distance and immigration)
Fast forward to around December. Several fellow exchange students had been caught breaking the rules at the New Year celebration in Taipei. One went to the hospital after drinking too much and passing out. She was fine but this led to everyone being questioned. Most of the students drank including myself. They decided to only punish the students who over drank and put them on house arrest. The rest of the students were let off the hook without repercussions. But during the drinking investigation a bigger issue became the focus. A student (let's call her L ) came forward with a sexual [misconduct] allegation (I dont know how to call this. From what I know it was consistentual) . The perpetrator was a leading club official (I'll call him G). L claimed that during the first meeting G had come to her saying he wanted to take her sight seeing. After a few trips together, they slept together. The main issues with this were that he was a married man with children (infidelity can be punished with jail time here) and that the girl was under 18. Shes technically legal within certain conditions. L then produced evidence with explicit texts and photos from him. They quickly and quietly removed him and we were told to keep quiet about it. Police weren't involved and our host parents weren't even informed. The thing is that G had been the main orchestrator for events for the club for years. Apparently he admitted to having other exchange students sleep with him years prior. Ultimately they covered everything up ignoring the laws and regulations in the country and club regarding the issue (they never even informed his wife or fellow members in his club)
This pertains to the Japan trip I promise.
Earlier this month my club reminded the main club of the upcoming trip. They quickly shut it down under the premise that the trip's last day landed on the same day of a mundane dance practice. My club pressed harder saying they'd already paid for my spot and said my host mom (the dancer) could catch me up on whatever I'd miss in the 3 hour practice.
The main club denied again saying that club events take priority. (Both events are club events btw) and that they could not bend the rules for me.
The rules state that I can travel internationally if and only if a club member or a host parent is with me. Both of which will be. Regardless of this they continued to deny me saying I would be sent home for breaking the rules and that the dance practice is more important to understand Taiwanese culture. I've already attended 3 of said practices and have memorized the songs. I'm unbelievably frustrated it's as if they're not giving me the actual reason . Ive tried comprising but the chairman wont even listen. The chairman is quiet and only speaks chinese everything is translated by his assistant. Maybe something is getting lost in translation. But under what rationale would a dance practice be a greater cultural experience than a trip to Japan which is a major influence on Taiwan? Couldn't I just make up the practice when i return?
I asked what the punishment would be if I went anyway. His assistant told me I'd be sent home early for breaking the rules. Which now leads me to the who affair with the exchange student. The chairman cleaned up the affair with complete disregard to the rules for himself the student and the perpetrator.
I've considered using this against him. But I dont want to be THAT ASSHOLE. News of the affair would shut down the district cutting off a significant amount of foreign funds. He could also lose his position in the club.
Again, I'm not THAT ASSHOLE. but the thought did briefly cross my mind.
I'm going to contact my district back home for leverage and I've come to reddit to see if I'm just being petty and should just take 'no' for an answer. So AITA. any ideas that could be in my favor? When will I ever get another prepaid trip to Japan?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
dSbAOydSCBluGoPtLAiix8wAJv2lFoRh
|
b2i8xj
|
{
"description": "embarrassing a friend on his date because he didn't pay back the money he owed me",
"pronormative_score": 543,
"contranormative_score": 538
}
|
AITA for embarrassing a friend on his date because he didn’t pay back the money he owed me?
|
So I lent a friend of mine £500. He needed it to see him through til the end of the month and promised to repay me on payday.
Not a problem, I trusted the guy and knew he was good for it.
Payday comes and goes, no sign of the money. I sent him a message about it. He said “oh yeah, sorry I forgot, I’ll do that now”
Two weeks pass and still nothing. I message him again. He said he’d send me the money. Still nothing. He was then avoiding me so I wasn’t able to see him face to face.
I messaged him again and he didn’t reply.
7 months have passed since the day he promised to have the money back to me by. I’ve not been able to get hold of him, nor have I seen him.
This weekend just gone, I was out at a restaurant and I happened to see him as I was being seated at my table. He was on what looked like a date.
Now at this point I could see he was acting kinda boasy because he had ordered about 5 starters. It’s worth noting that this is a pretty pricey restaurant. So I decided I’d go and say hello.
I pulled up a chair at his table and started chatting to him about how he is and how I am etc.
I then proceeded to pick up a fork and try a bit of the food. He looked a bit shocked, but it was good food so I tried something from one of the other plates. At this point his date (I’d learnt that this was their second date) said to me, “excuse me, but this is our food. What do you think you’re doing?”
I looked at her and said “Well since I’m pretty much funding this meal, I figured I may as well sample what my money is getting.”
I then said to my friend, “it was nice to see you, I’ll leave you to it. We can catch up another day.”
I then left to go back to my table. The people I were with, a party of 10, had very mixed reactions to my behaviour. Some were in favour of what I’d done, others not so much.
So I’m asking you lot, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ek3XbNdP1OKcFY2RnuZhTM6DLqT2mAO9
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a6117w
|
{
"description": "not driving my sister in law home",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not driving my sister in law home?
|
My sister-in-law (wife's sister) and her friend were out drinking, and invited my wife and I out to join them. The friend left, and my wife started insisting that we drive her sister home. Her sister lives on the other side of town, not close, and in the opposite direction of my home. I refused to give her a ride and had her call her own Uber.
My wife claims it's the kind thing to do, and even started to get an Uber on our account. I countered with the fact, that her sister is a grown woman, and would've had to call an Uber anyway if we hadn't shown up.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
s84t6Rl4DTSjt7717xm2yRc6gCNvh1OP
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amaspb
|
{
"description": "telling my friend that his religion is holding him back from actually living his life",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my friend that his religion is holding him back from actually living his life
|
Ok. So from the title i'm gonna assume that i'm going to get ALOT of YTA's here but please bare with me.
So for context this happened maybe 10 years ago. late teens early 20s. Me and this friend (who ill call john) had been friends from school since we were around 15 years old. We had our group of friends and we were all young single so we would hang out maybe 2-3 times a week, mostly nerdy stuff occasionally going out drinking...long story short we were all a bit boring.
Now about John. He was home schooled until he was 15. When I first met him social skills were not part of his personality. Thats changed a fair bit since then however. He's also very religious, church on Sundays yada yada. Until the moment we had this had never caused a single problem. I'm an atheist (as is most of our group) and he had never tried to shove it down my throat. All good.
So when we were in our early 20s we both still lived at home paying minimal rent. I was saving for a house so my parents said that because I wasn't wasting my money on trivial crap I could stay to help me save and his parents were just very accommodating.
Now i'll point out im a big believer that if you want somehting, and getting it wont harm you or others you should get it. case in point, if i wanted a new car for say 10k, I have 10k but its for my wedding then that would harm someone, wont get it. but if we had that 10k, we were financial stable and no use then I don't see the harm. More to this later.
Around this time one of our group moved states for work. John and him were very close (he was Johns best man at his wedding a few years ago) so of course John went to visit him. When he got back he told us that he wanted to move to that state as he absolutely loved it there.
Me and John talked about this a bit and ill admit I didn't really want him to go, just had another close friend move and i didn't want to lose another one. But that said I could also see that this wasn't just a little thing he REALLY wanted to go.
I've always been the friend good with money and he'd asked me a few times in the past for money advice when it came to bigger financial undertakings so I assumed he'd want me to work out what it was going to take.
So I did some maths and worked out that to be able to get over there and not live out of a box on the street he would need something like $5000. Now John lived with his parents and worked full time....Should be easy really.
So I spoke to John and told him this. At first he was happy but told me he didn't have that. Then told me he was $15000 in debt because of his car (instead of buying a new car he bought an old one full of issues and spent insane cash trying to fix it up).
So I told him that he could do what he wanted but to get over there without bankrupting himself he would have to do alot of work.
and to this day I still remember his response "No I wont, I'm just gonna keep doing what i'm doing and if God wants me to move then he'll give me a way"
I was a bit flabbergasted I asked what he meant and he basically explained that he agreed with me on what he would need but wasn't going to save and was just going to basically sit there and wait for a miracle to allow him to go with no work. he believed he's a good person and God would allow this.
I told that if he put in a little effort it could be done in a year quite easily and he again told me he refused to give up his hobbies and God would do it for him
Fast forward 6 months and me and him were hanging out and he was in a bad mood...asked why and he's told me its because he should have been given a way to move by now and that its not fair. Mind you he's now 23k in debt towards more car stuff.
I dunno I sorta snapped. I told him to grow up and that if you want something to work for it and that his belief that god will fix all his problems is holding him back from living his life. If he would accept that if you want something you have to work for it he could have been on his way to living there, instead his belief that god would do it for him has stopped him from being able to realistically do it at all.
que fight. things were said
Long story short we made up a few months later. I apologized but honestly not because I actually thought i was wrong, I just wasn't going to lose a friend over something so petty.
John still hasn't moved, still likes working on cars and is married now (and yes attempted to throw in my face that god got him to stay so he could meet his wife....which is his way to justify not going) But I just ignored that one.
So AITA for telling him that his religion is holding him back?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
HpmJwhVtBuqTshTxgC14gnkflxFgI04D
|
a4s8n1
|
{
"description": "not making art for my mom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not making art for my mom?
|
This is a bit of a two-part story, but both follow the same theme: it feels like my mom just expects art from me.
Story 1: the cow pictures
I spent about a month taking photos of cows and fully developing the film and prints myself. I was so proud and they came out beautifully. I took my project home to show my mom, and I was trying to tell her about these cows that I got to know and how I figured out how to befriend them. The entire time I was talking, she was just picking and choosing photos and arranging them on the table. When I finally gave up trying to talk to her about the project, she just goes, "what do you think of this arrangement?".
"Well...for what?"
"For the office I think, although they could go in the hallway too"
"Well I'm keeping them and putting them up in my dorm"
"Oh....well can you make more?"
"It would take like...at least 10 hours"
Anyway, to sum up the rest of the conversation, she actually offered to pay me to print more. BUT WAIT! When I said I'd be up for that, she said she was kidding and couldn't believe I'd make her pay and blah blah blah. Like okay, I've had a ton of art stuff I've made over the years which I haven't cared about, so when she took it without asking and hung it up, it didn't bug me. But these are my cows, man. They became my friends.
Fast forward to this semester, about a year later, guess who's redoing some room in her house...my mother! And oh Jack, you know what would look perfect on that one wall? Lemme guess, my cow photos. Long story short, 3 times in 3 weeks she's asked for the damn pictures. They are hanging up on the wall at my apartment in a place of honor, and no, I don't even have one. And no, I don't want you sending the film off somewhere else because I don't trust it not to get damaged. Although there are companies that would print them safely, and likely have secure shipping methods, I just don't want her to have them anymore and I know it's at least partly out of spite.
Story 2: the portraits
For an art class I'm in this semester, I drew a self portrait. I didn't have to draw a self portrait, since no one else had to draw themselves (everyone had to draw a boy and a girl in the class and I'm the only girl), but I decided to draw it because I knew my mom would want it and I could use it as a Christmas/birthday gift for her. I never mentioned this plan to either of my parents, although I did send them a picture of the drawing. When they came up to visit me about a month ago (same time as the most recent cow altercation), at lunch, this sentence came out of my mother's mouth: "you know Jack, it would be SO NICE to also have a portrait of Brother as a gift for Christmas"
Like what. All my whats. First off, you can't ask politely for something? It literally wasn't even a question. It was just a pasaive agressive statement. And who said you were even getting my portrait? I thought it would be a nice surprise, but if you're expecting it...that just ruins the whole point of gift giving. Maybe I'm being too picky and I'm just bristling easily?
I just feel so used. But I know she just likes my art and wants to display it. I made a decision to not draw my brother. For what it's worth, I did ask him for a selfie for reference, but he's a lazy SOB and won't even do that. I am going to draw my dog instead since that's something I actually want to draw and it's not something I'm feeling compelled to draw. AITA for not getting her what she's asked for even though I'm the only one who can in regards to both the portraits and the cow photos? I feel like an asshole about it, but I think if it wasn't my mom, then I wouldn't feel as bad.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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wVJm93zlxsZxHoMEfJ4rOCZ9LCw68vdA
|
b27rbq
|
{
"description": "ignoring my \"friend\" to study for an important test",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ignoring my “friend” to study for an important test?
|
So from the title I do sound like the asshole but let me explain
So my grandma (who I live with) has this friend who we will just call Steph and she has a grandson named
John. Since Steph owns a plumbing company we called her to ask for repairs (we paid for it in case anyone thinks we we EP’s / EK) and she said sure.
So when she came this morning I was getting my stuff ready to study for an important test worth 30% of my grade in English. I said hi and turned to my desk but then I heard John say hi. I wasn’t expecting him to come and I don’t think my grandma was either. I greeted him and went back to studying and he went to the living room.
After about ten minutes my grandma tells John go in to my room and a told her I’m studying and I’d rather have no interruptions (keep in mind I had planned all my weekend plans around these 5 hours studying and me and John had never had anything in common as he is still In year six and I’m in year 8) so my grandma tells me to just study later even though I had made plans with my friends for about the time they were going to leave so I say no I’d rather get a decent grade and I thought that was the end of it. After they left and I got back from my plans I was told by my aunt (who was also there) that I’m a horrible friend although I never made plans with John, we don’t go to the same school and never have since he lives 20 miles away and we have next to nothing in common.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
xtHMR88w8u1wHE4HOwzjUVESvs3tL0Kw
|
ahqwgv
|
{
"description": "feeling entitled to my Mom's money",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For Feeling Entitled To My Mom's Money
|
A little backstory, I'm currently a college senior and I'm finishing my final year in school and I'll be graduating in December. When I was younger, may 6 or 7, my parents had a rough divorce that ended with my mom absolutely despising my father. According to my dad, my mother used $10K of my college fund to hire a lawyer and divorce him. The fund the money was in worked off of the stock market and that $10K would most likely be worth more than double that today. I've confronted my mom about the money and she would make a hissy fit, punish me, and just shut down our conversation completely. But, never denied actually taking the money.
​
Now, since then my mom has remarried to a man who is currently a high school teacher/ former state senator. My mom and my step-dad take in at least a combined $160K+ every year. Also, my step dad has two other sons who he paid their college tuition completely for 4 years at a University. In the 6 years my mom/step-dad have been married they: bought and remodeled a house, have hired a landscaper to makeover their property, purchased my mom a new car and have currently hired an architect and builder to build a house on a property my grandmother gave my mom.
​
Ok, now where does this all come in you ask? I attended a community college my first two years out of high school to save money. Then transferred to a University with a much better program for the degree I'm receiving. I've put every dime I've earned from internships, to even a job I had washing dishes this past winter break, toward my tuition bills. I don't receive any scholarships from the school because to them I'm a white male who's parents take in over $160K+ a year and don't deem me as eligible for financial aid. Now, I'm having issues paying my tuition for this semester as my job money has run out, I've taking all the better loans available to me, but I'm still coming up short. I've asked my mom about the situation and her solution is for me to take out terrible loan that has an extremely high interest rate.
​
I'm slightly upset, because, I know my mom can afford this. She has plenty of money to go and make other frivolous purchases, yet she wants me to go into extreme debt so she can clean her hands of my situation. Am I justified for feeling slighted here? Please reddit, let me know.
​
TLDR: My mom and step-dad make plenty of money, but would rather I go into extreme debt than help me out.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a1bv3k
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{
"description": "refusing to hang with an old friend until they apologize",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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}
|
AITA For refusing to hang with an old friend until they apologize?
|
Long post, beware. Will try a TLDR at the bottom.
First, some background, as this is kind of a long story. Bear with me please.
I [26M] used to be friends with "M" [23F] and was for some time. We even had a small fling which I cut off as I didn't want a relationship with her, and she wanted a relationship. Fast forward a few years, and she started dating "D" [28M] who lives in the UK (We live in the USA).
M and I lived together for about two years during their relationship. Eventually, M paid for D to come visit her. All expenses, including food and everything. D didn't have a job and refused to get one. D and I were friends as well, and we had a good time. Come to find out later, D had been sexting with another girl on M's laptop while he was visiting. I found out after he left when M came to my room completely destroyed and in tears. She admitted that he was mentally abusive and manipulative as well.
I comforted her for the next week or so, making sure she was getting better. I was her pillar, along with a group of mutual friends on Discord. D completely ostracized himself from the group of friends, and none of us cared. He had hurt M so bad, we were practically vengeful (no one actually did anything vengeful, we are protective though).
I moved out to live with "C," [27M] my best friend and also a friend of M. My girlfriend [26F] moved in as well. Fast forward another year, and this is when things go bad.
M got back together with D, much to the disappointment of the friend group. I was confused and a little upset, seeing as I was hands on in getting her back on her feet, I stayed out of it, however, as it's her choice.
Eventually she starts freaking out in the Discord chat because two of the friends were concerned about her being unemployed and matching her sleep schedule with D, which meant she slept during the day and wouldn't be able to find a job. She said she was happy, but started in on them saying "of course this is about D, none of you like him." It continued for a bit until I stepped in.
She sent, "If you truly ever cared about me, then you would see eye to eye with my relationship with D."
I was unbelievably pissed. I had done so much to support her and help her feel better about herself, and she was really going to say I don't really care? I admit, I flew off the handle.
I said, "What's fucked up is that I held you while you cried for hours and listened to you and reassured you for days, only to have you tell me I don't truly care. Fuck this. I'm out."
I left the server and never went back. Apparently afterward, M absolutely exploded on everyone and went on a tirade. I saw none of it but heard from C about it later.
A week or so went by and I calmed down. I texted M and apologized, and explained how what she said had hurt me, but I understood. She texted back scolding me for being angry, telling me "for your information, D and I broke up already," and didnt apologize once for what she said. I apologized multiple times and empathized with her side, and I truly do, as she felt like her support system was turning on her. She ignored me after continued scolding, and I said "I apologize for what part I had in it. We all made mistakes and we all hurt each other." I haven't heard from her since.
I didnt text her after that, feeling stung again because she didn't apologize or even try to patch the rift between us. Today, C asks me if it's ok if M comes over and stays for a few nights to hang out. I said it's fine, as she has nowhere else to stay in the city, but that I wasn't interested in hanging out.
So, dear reader who made it this far, am I the asshole in this whole situation? I think I'm not, but I can see where she is coming from. Maybe I'm just not getting it.
TLDR: helped friend get over abusive cheating boyfriend. Gets back together with him, gets mad when I'm upset when she says I dont care about her, and ignores me. I'm now refusing to hang out.
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HISTORICAL
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ax6ipw
| null |
AITA becouse i don't want to talk to this girl
|
Recently i started texting this girl and i thought she was pretty cool and she wasn't bad looking so we went out.
It was a cold day and she was late for like 40 minutes, i was already annoyed.
When she got to the place we agreed to meet,she looked completely different than on the pictures so i felt a little bit catfished.
She is a "gamer girl" so we went to a gaming caffe and played Call of Duty.
When we got there she couldn't even hold the xbox controller right so a thought something was fishy.
As soon as we started playing i figured out she was lying to me.
I just wanted to finish the game and go home, i wasn't carrying anymore, i just wanted to get over it.
We finished the game (actually didn't happened that recently, more like 3 weeks ago) we kissed on the cheek and i went home.
Ever since then she was messaging me every day and i just leave her on seen, she is just talking to herself in the DMs.
I don't want to be an asshole and break her heart but also i don't want her to bother me.
Am I the asshole for acting like this?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
1h5nq0pWNcEz22xNklMW5jLgwQNEuzbW
|
addhuw
|
{
"description": "not wanting to change my shifts",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to change my shifts?
|
My work has 2 types of weekday shift - 7am to 3:30pm, and 10:30am to 7pm. There are also 2 weekend work from home shifts, 7:30am to 4pm.
When I started, I was allocated the earlier shift Mon to Thurs then also Sundays. Another girl who started the same time as me was allocated later shifts Monday to Fri.
Other girl was having trouble with the later shifts because she lives a 45min commute away and the hours didn't match up with her husband's - they rarely got to spend time together. She requested to work from home 1 day a week, instead they approached me to swap 2 shifts a week.
I wanted to help, but also didn't want to put my own wellbeing at risk, so I swapped our Mondays.
Come new year, co-worker wants to renegotiate working hours again. Her idea is to have rotating shifts, so we do something different every week.
Before this job I worked as a casual employee and the lack of stability and consistency really got to me. I don't want to give up finally having a routine, or any of my commitments I've been able to pick up thanks to finally having a schedule (language lessons, gym classes, community projects etc), but I also understand that I'm at a much more flexible place than her - I live locally, and my partner and I can spend evenings together.
I'm feeling the pressure to start doing more later shifts. AITA for not wanting to?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b104j6
|
{
"description": "resenting my Addict GF and telling her I have zero sympathy",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For Resenting My Addict GF and telling her I have zero sympathy.
|
Basically I (27F) have been in a relationship with someone (30F) for well over two years.
We have had our struggles lately with the last year being an absolute nightmare. She’s very inconsistent, unpredictable, would ask for breaks randomly and then change her mind within a week for unspecified reasons. Recently she got an executive position in a company and works herself to absolute exhaustion. Needless to say, she has been extremely neglectful to our relationship and refuses to compromise, I’m basically stuck with ‘I’m busy and I can’t be as attentive’. I have already made up my mind and decided to leave but I feel guilty over doing so.
You see, in order for her to deal with the pressure of a high position, she picked up the habit of taking drugs to catch up. She’d take anything from coke, speed, keta, and everything in-between. She’d mix shit, take it with alcohol, bing on an ungodly amount for days on end. It’s really self destructive and it’s getting extremely out of hand.
She absolutely refuses to seek treatment. It started off as ‘I’m not an addict I can stop if I wanted’ to ‘I can’t stop now I’m too addicted’. I’m ashamed to say that I’m honestly starting to resent her, partly because she has a very young son who just started kindergarten. He is extremely attached to his mother and absolutely adores her and she’s neglectful to him as well.
This week alone she has been hospitalized twice for her addiction. This was a breaking point for me, I began to unload all my resentment onto her; I told her that she’s a self destructive mess who needs to get her shit together and seek help. That she had to think about her family and son and at least try for them, and how she’s hurting everyone around her who actually gives a damn, and I finally said I’m done. She told me how she hates who she became and is really depressed, I straight up said then do something about it; get yourself some therapy, start a drug treatment plan, do something, anything. I ended the conversation with me basically stating that I have no sympathy for her anymore, she somehow keeps bringing this shit to herself, just quit your stressful job and start taking care of yourself, get out of this never ending cycle.
My BFF thinks IATA and was being too harsh because addiction is not something she can control. From my point of view, she has always been self destructive, if not with drugs then it’s whatever else she can take advantage of. That’s just her.
I think even if she sobered up this relationship is beyond saving as those past two years honestly made my hair turn gray, but I genuinely care about her and want to know if my approach was an asshole move.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
ayq309
|
{
"description": "texting my roommate to have the guys that sleepover to leave the same time as she does",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for texting my roommate to have the guys that sleepover to leave the same time as she does
|
My (21 F) room and my roommate’s (21 F) are connected with a single door separating us. So, we share the shower and bathroom (they’re in her room) . In order to go to the kitchen and the other side of the house, she needs to cross my room. Thus, no privacy whatsoever. However, she also has a back door in her room. Guy comes over at 1 am and spends the night(booty call). She works at 6 and I work at 7 so I wake up around the time she leaves. Well today I woke up, went to the bathroom and saw said dude with the door open in his boxers. This isn’t the first time this has happened, I’ve seen other dudes literally peeing. I texted her if she can have the dudes that sleepover to leave at the same time she does because I feel uncomfortable (showering early in the morning, and using the bathroom) since there’s a male in the exact same room. Also, that’s a STRANGER she’s leaving in our apartment and all my valuables in MY room can be stolen since the doors don’t have locks and it’s an old apartment. She proceeded to get angry and telling me she doesn’t need to accommodate what’s best for me and that I don’t think about the other person. So am I in the wrong here??
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
j28Ec0TmYohOCZfYltT8uqZ08KTE6d1U
|
as7lav
|
{
"description": "letting my friend meet with sugar daddies",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for letting my friend meet with sugar daddies
|
Sorry for formatting issues, I’m on mobile.
2 years ago my SO and I moved a couple states away. My [23F] best friend [22F] (let’s call her M) came to visit us. M is a free spirit, and loves meeting new people. She told me she wanted to sign up for an app, like tinder, that matches women with sugar daddies (SDs). I encouraged it, thinking that it would be fun to sit around and swipe left/right on rich, older men with her. A few days pass, and M matched with a man who wanted to meet up and told me she was planning on it. We’re both protective of each other, and I told her why don’t they meet up for dinner at my work (I’m a server) so that I can meet him, too. She was totally down with this, and planned to meet him that night around 7.
So, I’m taking care of them for dinner. Let’s call the man C, was polite, a little shy but I think was just nervous. While I worked, she texted me saying he wanted to bring her shopping after. I told her to meet me in the restroom, and there I told her if she’s going she needs to turn on her “find friends” tracker on her phone so I can locate her in an emergency. I tell her to send me his license plate #, and if anything seemed off to text me immediately. So she leaves, turns on her tracker, sends me the number, and I’m feeling at ease. M wasn’t out long, and everything went well!
Half way through her stay, we took a trip to Vegas. M, again, matches with a man she wants to meet. I tell M the same rules: tracker on, if she goes anywhere send me his license, if they go to his room send me the room number. I drop her off, and she’s texting me the whole time, keeping me updated. Again, I felt completely comfortable since we were in contact the whole time. She, again, came back around midnight and that was that! She told me she had a fantastic time but that the SD thing wasn’t for her.
Now, M has an older sister [26F] (let’s call her T). We’re all close, however, my loyalty and deepest friendship lies with M. But T has been like a big sister to me in the past, and I care about her a lot. Anyways, M calls me and says T found out through the grapevine that M had been dating SDs, and T wasn’t mad at M for doing it, but was furious at me for letting her. Now, I understand since M is her little sister, but I also didn’t even THINK to tell T. M is an adult, can make her own decisions, and her dating/sex life is private and she trusts me to keep it that way. But M says to let it blow over, and T will be fine.
This was over 1/2 a year ago, and I still haven’t talked to T. Although this isn’t out of the norm, b/c communication between T and I has always been face-to-face or occasional text. But a couple weeks ago, I realized I hadn’t seen T on social media, so I check her pages, and I’ve been blocked on everything. I haven’t tried text but if she’s this upset, I don’t want to. Naturally, I’m upset b/c I do care about her but I have to know if I’m deserving of this. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
bMKtuwh4UWE4GFSMLL301zDMAWWSbt0j
|
a0oox2
|
{
"description": "making my girlfriend choose between me and her guy best friend",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for making my girlfriend choose between me and her guy best friend?
|
My girlfriend \[20F\] and I \[21M\] are at an impasse over her guy best friend. For six months, my girlfriend received anonymous phone calls and text messages. The calls were from an anonymous woman who would say horribly personal things and threaten to kill me and my girlfriend. This went on for months and then she started sending my girlfriend child pornography knowing that she had been repeatedly sexually abused as a child. My girlfriend has PTSD resulting from her childhood experiences and this experience exacerbated her flashbacks, nightmares, and anxiety. The threats continued in more personal forms including notes slipped in her backpack, letters in the mail, and pictures of her and I on the campus of my university (we go to different universities about an hour apart). The police eventually tracked the calls to a woman out of state and arrested her, but the stalking continued for several more weeks before my girlfriend's guy best friend \[20M\] turned himself in to the counseling staff at my girlfriends university (he attends the same university as her). The school set up a facilitated meeting with him, my girlfriend, a counselor, a police officer, and a school administrator. They all grilled him about why he would do this and he basically said he met the woman who was arrested online and she egged him on to do this stuff. He gave a sob story about how he doesn't have any friends and how his parents are getting divorced. He told my girlfriend he felt bad about it and that's why he gave her such nice birthday presents (her birthday was only a couple weeks into the stalking). He said he ended up in the mental hospital in the summer because of how bad he felt. They gave my girlfriend the choice of whether she wanted to punish him through the school, legally, both, or just let this go. She decided to let it go, but they left the door open for her to pursue charges. She even got dinner with him after this whole meeting. When she told me about all of this, I was furious. I had made a lot of sacrifices so that we could get through this and am still dealing with the emotional impact this whole thing has left on me, but she's just willing to invite him back into her life and mine. She defended him saying he's going through a lot and he did turn himself in, but the police already knew it was him before he turned himself in and were in the process of getting a warrant. I felt like he was pulling a master manipulation on my girlfriend as he's done similar stuff in the past (i.e. threatened to kill himself if she didn't date him). She seemed to forget the impact that this had on her( she ended up in the hospital with an ulcer from the stress that this caused). I told her she had to choose between her relationship with me or him because I can't continue this relationship with him in the picture. She was upset, but chose me. I eventually convinced her to pursue charges through the school because I know legal stuff was too severe in her mind and I felt like he needed to be punished in someway for the damage he did. I think he got off pretty lightly. But, in the past few weeks my girlfriend has been upset and said she heard through a friend that he ended up in the hospital again. She says she misses him. On Thanksgiving, she got a message from him saying "forever thankful for you" and she ask me if she could respond and I reiterated that it was him or me, which made her pretty upset. I understand her feeling of missing a friend, but I just can't be flexible on this. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a76myi
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{
"description": "not going to Christmas with the inlaws",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Aita for not going to Christmas with the inlaws
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Tonight was Christmas festivities at my inlaws, our 6 year old woke up this morning with ear aches, headache, sore throat, cough, fever etc. Went to doctor got diagnosed with tonsillitis and ear infection. Got antibiotics and tylenol and my crazy running around 1 grader hasn't moved off the couch.
The hubs got upset with me because I decided not to drag her out of the house to his parents(hour drive 1 way) that's full of people for us to spread germs to. He felt she could lay on their couch and at least be present.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a0shn6
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{
"description": "standing in someone's yard",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for standing in someone's yard?
|
So I'm a high school junior who has to ride the bus every morning with a bunch of middle schoolers, as my particular high school doesn't have it's own busses and just picks students up from middle schools. My bus stop is at a 4 way intersection where people tend to speed, so everyone getting picked up just stands in the yard of the house on the corner. This morning I'm walking to the bus stop as usual, and I cut across some of the yard to get to where I stand. I suppose I didn't see the owner of the house, because he approaches me and starts to lecture me on how disrespectful I am for not acknowledging him, and how I apparently walked on his yard like it was his living room and how he could have me arrested for trespassing by standing in his yard, despite the 10 plus middle schoolers standing around. I only respond with "yes sir, I apologize" as he continued to lecture me for another minute before leaving. I don't think not realizing he was there is too disrespectful especially since he didn't call out to me, and I highly doubt that he could actually have me arrested. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b1u8un
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{
"description": "shouting at my mum after doing all her work",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for shouting at my mum after doing all her work
|
Ok, This Is A long one,
​
Im 14 years old and this week my mom broke her ankle, this left her in a big cast all over her leg, she can still walk but only with crutches. My Mum really like sto keep stuff in the house clean, like seriusly clean, she cleans when she doesn't have to etc... Because of her leg being broken she can't really do these jobs anymore so that leaves me and my sister to do them (My Dad got divorced a while so he isn't here).
So on Friday Night I get home from school very late and all my mum does in bombard me with jobs, I was expecting it but not as many jobs as I really expected, like 2-3 hours of jobs thta actaully didnt really need doing. I didn't have time to get on my computer or anything, just had to go straight to bed after preparing and eating dinner for us all. My sister never help becuase she is always 'studying' but in reality she doesn't really care about her grades and just watches netflix most of the time yet my mum beleives she studies.
​
From Friday I thought today (saturday) I was gonna have the day off or something or not do as many jobs, but I was wrong, my mum slaved me around all day, I had to do jobs consantly, normally I would be ok doing some of the jobs for my mom but 2 things really pissed me off, 1, my sister saw me doing all the jobs and just went back to her room, 2, I have the most homework Ive recieved all year this weekend which would take hours to do and my mum won't let me do my homework.
​
When she asked me to do the next job after already like 4 hours ish of doing jobs I said No, I was already really exhausted and I needed some breakfast, I also needed to get started on a couple of essays whch were really important, my mum proceeds to start trying to guilt trip me saying that 'I dont love her enoguht' and that 'She Does Everything For me' and stuff like that, I jsu tget really angry and just shout out saying 'Im not doing any more jobs' or something along those lines. I then go to my room and later hear her crying.
I've apologised and stuff but personally I dont feel like I'm the asshole here
TL;DR OCD Mum made me do hours of jobs when I ahd lots of Homework, shouted at her and then she cried
​
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HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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b6o5q2
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{
"description": "telling my girlfriend her ex can't spend the night",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend her ex can’t spend the night?
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My long distance girlfriend recently moved out from her ex-boyfriend/baby daddy’s apartment and into her own place. He regularly visits using the child as an excuse. He has never been this involved, even when they lived together. He drops in whenever he likes and walks into her home without knocking. She doesn’t have a problem with this behavior because if the door is unlocked, he’s welcomed to come in. She leaves him home alone to hang out with their child while she goes to work, shopping, etc. I said she’s making it too comfortable for him and before you know it, her son will start asking if he can spend the night. I was right and the child asked and she allowed it. He slept in their child’s bed with him. She didn’t tell me about it when it happened but insists that she did. We got into a fight about it and I asked her not to allow him to spend the night anymore. I had a feeling he was going to ask again because he became ill and it was obvious he would use that as an excuse, which he did. I asked her what she would say if he asks to spend the night again and she said she would say no. Hours later, he was back in her home spending the night because his doctor said he can’t be alone for the evening so she allowed him to spend the evening again in her home. She doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with it and I shouldn’t be concerned. I ask what would happen if I lived there and her response is usually something like I don’t live there and if I want to be treated like her boyfriend then I should move out there. Am I the asshole for not wanting her ex to be spending the night in her home? Coming in and out of her home and hanging out with her all the time after they’ve broken up?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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ag1k0z
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{
"description": "being upset at my mom for stealing food from Uber Eats",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being upset at my mom for stealing food from Uber Eats?
|
Ok, so I want to start this post by stating two things: 1) I'm sorry if the title is wrong or confusing, english is not my first language and I had trouble making that sentence, if you could correct me I'd appreciate it. 2) I love my mom more than anything in this world, we've had some problems and we're going through a rough situation but I don't blame her at all for this. 3) There's a TLDR at the bottom.
So my mom and my siblings have been in a pretty rough situation for a couple of months now. My mom lost her job and our father is a crackhead good for nothing, our family doesn't really help us and we've been all alone for a good time, my grandfather (who was the only one that helped us) passed away recently, and left my mom his motorcycle, my mom, not being able to find a job, decided to work for Uber Eats and has done so for a couple of months, it's not like we can live from it because we don't have Wi-Fi or anything like that but she makes it work. God I love that woman.
Now, the problem started about three weeks ago. We got our light and water services cut off, we couldn't even afford food and if we did, we couldn't cook it but, magically, out of nowhere, big buckets of chicken would appear out of nowhere, pizza, tacos, all sorts of food. My brother and little sisters were happy because we haven't been able to eat that delicious food in a long time, so I just let it slip and thought she bought it.
After a week or so of that I asked her where she got that food from and she confessed to me she accepted Uber Eats trips and when she got the food she cancelled them so we could eat something, she said she felt terrible but if she didn't do that we wouldn't be able to eat. I got pretty upset and exploded over this, we got into a big argument and I called her a thief, I went to my room and I could hear her cry.
I told her if the problem was so big I could get a day job and study at night but she said if I do this I won't be able to graduate and to see me do it it's her biggest dream.
I feel really shitty and I don't know if I'm right or what. I know she's just doing what she has to do, but I feel extremely disappointed and embarrassed so, AITA?
TLDR; Family has been in a shitty spot for a few months, my mom has been cancelling Uber Eats trips after getting the food so we can eat something to eat, I exploded and called her a thief. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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ag8iqs
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{
"description": "wanting to exercise",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to exercise?
|
Me and my fiance work night shift at a hospital from 7p-7a. We've been trying to better ourselves after work and trying to workout at home by watching Hasfit on YouTube (highly recommend them!) I've lost around 80 pounds and feel so good about myself. Well yesterday after work we both came home after a tough night and she didn't really want to workout with me (which is fine, I never expect or force her to do it.) She always feels guilty when I do it though. She was wanting to just sit down and watch tv before heading to bed. I told her I was going to go to the spare bedroom and do a 20 minute workout real quick and I'll come down and watch tv after I finished. She told me that I shouldn't work out and instead, I should just watch TV with her. I said she was being selfish for that and that I literally would be done in 20-25 minutes. And it wasn't like I had to drive to the gym, I was only going to the other bedroom.
TL;DR- I wanted to workout after work and my fiance wanted me to watch tv with her instead, even though she knew I wouldn't take long and would join her afterwards.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b1jvue
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{
"description": "snapping at another student",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for snapping at another student
|
We were doing student presentations in a language class, and they have guided questions. During a particularly slow presentation, while people were writing down answers, there would be a pause. During this pause there would be some mild talking which wasn’t very disruptive because the presentation was paused. However during this presentation, when the presenters continued, the talking wouldn’t stop. The teacher told the talkative side to stop twice and even put one of the kids on the other side of the class. All of this was going on while the two students who were presenting were trying to explain a question that would be on the test.
They finally move on and get a few questions ahead; however, One of the girls in the back that sits 2 rows behind me who was one of the people talking very loudly the whole time shouts out
“Wait what was the answer to question x?”
The teacher is normally very open to answering questions if students are listening and not talking, but he just ignored her and stayed quiet because he was fed up. I’m normally a quiet student in that class, however I was in a fairly bad mood and I had absolutely had enough with them so I snapped:
“Well maybe if you weren’t talking so loud you would have gotten the answer when they were explaining it”
The girl then looks me in the eye and says:
“Excuse me? Are you directing that at me?”
To which I respond
“I’m directing it at this whole side of the class, if y’all wouldn’t have been talking so much you would actually have the answers.”
I turn around. This happened this morning and I can’t remember the exact wording but she basically responded saying something along the lines of
“I wasn’t even talking that loudly bitch (I remember hearing her call me a bitch... yeah, in front of the teacher). You need to learn some respect, I don’t listen to those who don’t respect me.”
Or something close to that. The teacher told us both to quiet down and the classroom was extremely tense until the presentation was done. We were allowed to talk for the last five minutes of class and I overheard her telling her friends that sat by her:
“He isn’t even the teacher he has no authority to tell me that”
and
“he is such a fucking asshole”
I also got a text from one of my friends in the class with me saying “OP, you just don’t say shit like that. Leave it for the teacher not you cause I honestly thought you were gonna get hit.” I also had a few other friends in band class tell me I was in the wrong, and that I was most likely going to be confronted.
However
During that 5 minute talking period I mentioned, I had a student tell me they felt sorry for what she was calling me and that she had wanted to say something like that all year. The teacher’s aid gave me a smile after class as well, and most of my other friends sided with me and said that even if the teacher would have said something that I had the right to say what was said.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b36s74
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{
"description": "gifting my son a large sum of money without doing the same for my step-kids",
"pronormative_score": 100,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I gift my son a large sum of money without doing the same for my step-kids?
|
My husband and I both came into our relationship with children. My child lives with us full time and I receive child support. My two step-kids live with their mother (one is in college now though) and my husband pays child support. We're all very geographically distant but everyone is involved to the extent they can be. All of us are lower middle class, with similar incomes and cost of living.
I started a saving account for my son just after I split with my son’s father, roughly 10 years ago. I budget the child support separately and any remaining CS money goes into my son’s savings account. When I told my ex I was doing this, he voluntarily started sending a bit more child support to up what would go into savings. I put 50% of all my son's holiday money in there and his dad occasionally tosses a bit more money at it too. The plan is to gift this money to our child upon some as of yet undetermined adult life event. I project this account will be somewhere between $20-$25K by the time my son graduates high school.
My husband has gifted two years of college tuition and all major living expenses for that time to each of his two children, paid through a work related benefit. He doesn’t have any additional savings set up for them though and I don't know if their mother does either. It's highly likely that she doesn't as saving has never been one of her strengths.
So, I was complaining about a banking error in my son’s savings account when my friend made a comment about how unfair it was that my son would eventually be given this large sum of money while my step-kids will not. I was more than a little taken aback. I explained that the savings account for my son had never used joint household money for funding and came directly from the child support I received from his father; It had nothing to do with my husband or my step-kids. She was still quite angry and insisted it was wrong not to be strictly equitable no matter where the money came from.
Now I’m not sure what to think. I’ve always viewed it more like I was saving my son’s own money for him. The child support was never “mine” or my husband's. My step-kids' mother was equally as capable of doing something similar with the child support she received, especially given that she has always received significantly more in child support than I did. On the other hand, it certainly isn't my stepchildren's fault if their mother didn't do this. It is very likely that they would see this as being unfair and mean too. I'm not willing to short my son and I'm also not interested in being viewed as the stereotypical Wicked Stepmother, but I can't make 40K appear out of thin air in the next several years.
So, WIBTA if I continue with my plans to save and gift my son with this large sum of money without doing the same for my step-kids?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
RYi8AX13cRvV3Kt6w6vgDCFV4OZUPbT8
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a9k2sj
|
{
"description": "not staying at my girlfrienda mothers house over the new year",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I didnt stay at my girlfrienda mothers house over the new year?
|
My(27F) girlfriend's(F35) mother is extremely opinionated and I can only take so much of it. When they get together they bully others and me a little and tag team her mother's opinion so she's right. My girlfriend changes and becomes the mini-me of her mother.
She wants me to take 5 days off to be with her but won't take the days off to spend time with my family in another state.
Would I be the asshole for wanting to drop her off and not be around her or her mother for the holiday as its mentally exhausting?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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TQM1wcqnYA9oTYj9jgPnguPzFoLT0EmE
|
b1cp7e
|
{
"description": "having a casual relationship with an ex's housemate",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for having a casual relationship with an ex's housemate.
|
There's a long story involved, here it goes.
5 years ago, in college, I had a pretty serious crush on a classmate ( lets call her Alice ) , I got drunk at a party, asked her out ( over texts ), she turned me down. So I asked a different girl at the same party ( let's call her Jane ) out who said we should talk about it, I ended up dating her after a couple of weeks. Alice and I were part of the same group of friends, and she was not happy about me dating Jane. She created a lot of drama about me spending more time with Jane and hanging out a bit less with the rest of our friends. Anyway, in a couple of months Alice and I worked things out and we went back to being normal.
Thing between Jane and me were pretty great for an year. But then she started having problems with my friends ( including Alice ). I tried to be as reasonable as I could, but it did cause a lot of fights between us. She knew about the fact that I used to have a crush on Alice so she would say mean shit about her to see how I would react. And i didn't react much because I could understand that she was a bit insecure about the whole thing.
We graduated, and somehow all of us ended up working in the same city. And as weird as it sounds, Jane and Alice ended up living in the same house. I didn't see much of Alice during this time, but Jane and I were having serious problems, tons of fights, and it was affecting my work, so I decided to end things. Jane didn't take it well, more drama, name calling, angry texts, calls, emails etc.
Then I switched jobs ( 4 months after the breakup ) and it turned out that Alice worked pretty close to where my new work place was. So we started hanging out a bit more after work. Jane found out and lost her shit, she was convinced that I broke up with her because I was cheating on her with Alice ( and obviously that wasn't the case ). Things escalated further, more crazy emails and texts. And at this point I despised Jane ( she had called my dad up at 3 am to tell him that I'm an asshole ).
Kept hanging out with Alice after work, meeting her for drinks etc. And soon enough we got really drunk and hooked up. We are not dating, we just hangout sometimes and if we're drunk enough we hook up. One of Jane's friends saw us while we were hanging out and she obviously told Jane. The shit storm has now reached my social media, where Jane is posting stories about how I'm a huge asshole. And i feel guilty about hooking up with Alice, but it's been so long ( about an year).
Am i the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b7gv85
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{
"description": "not fixing problems she stopped acknowledging",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not fixing problems she stopped acknowledging?
|
My girlfriend and I (lets call her Jessica) had broken up initially about 8-months in after an arguement we had. After we got back together, Jessica said that I wasn't verbally expressive and emotionally available enough. I agreed that I should and would work on it and said that it was something that was difficult because in my household my parents had never said I love you or really been hyper-emotional with me in the 21 years before my first serious relationship. Chinese people show love through acts of service and it's just sort of assumed. To supplement our relationship, we started doing periodic check-ins for us to voice our problems. In terms of showing affection, my strong points are physical affection, spending uninterrupted quality time, and being supportive as well as being a good listener.
With that being said recently, about 1.5 years after our breakup, there was a tipping point, I had been improving throughout that duration, but things really started to change 1 to 2 months before the breakup. Jessica explained that this change was coming too late and that she felt like she had been minimizing this need for too long, that I had been hurting her this entire time, and that she wasn't down to wait years for change. I should note that this came after a conversation she had with her mom, with the breakup coming days later.
I definitely regret not being able to fix my problem sooner, but in our relationship check-ins she stopped acknowledging the problem for a year, so I thought things were on the right track. Apparently this was her just adapting to the situation because she thought she was asking for too much and that I was snippy with her once when she brought it up. As such she felt like she was doing most of the emotional legwork, but never said anything about it and would always say that she was happy when i asked.
In terms of my personality; I rarely raise my voice and am always open to talk about things. We never got into heated arguments or said hurtful things, because while we both got frustrated, we still respected what the other person had to say.
This has been eating at me, and I just want to know if I was the one being a jerk. Any questions I will try to answer as unbiased and as truthful as possible.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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Ds6uwN0P2SItbH9FvR7qeIDx9ZCrkFBT
|
aibire
|
{
"description": "trying to be change and be grateful for my wife's constant (obvious) advice giving",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for trying to be change and be grateful for my wife's constant (obvious) advice giving?
|
Wife constantly giving obvious advice suggestions, either from her own mind or from her super helpful parents, basically to the point of micromanaging our home.
Rather than getting annoyed and complaining as usual, I am trying to change my ways and be grateful, saying thanks, good advice, Now I am being accused to being passive aggressive.
I am making an effort to just accept her and their advice/micromanagement that I find to be annoying and nagging, but now that is a problem because its passive aggressive and disingenuous.
So basically I'm the asshole either way.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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VPLYccgTGB2aHhZTcaX1iuxUWiAI3JAg
|
b6stp1
|
{
"description": "not making my sister a burrito in the microwave",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not making my sister a burrito in the microwave?
|
So basically my sister asked me to do a favor for her and that was to make a burrito for her in the microwave. I would have gladly done it, if it weren’t for this. We have guests in the house. I don’t expect any of you guys to understand, but me and my sister used to go to a church, and we don’t anymore. It is very awkward to see the people from our church that we no longer attend. Especially since once you leave the church you are considered a “fall away” and basically it is a very bad thing to them when you leave the church. Anyways, I didn’t feel comfortable seeing them and saying hi to them and passing by them to make the burrito for her. I knew they would ask me personal questions and make me feel uneasy as it happened before. I told my sister that I didnt want to go out there to make the burrito. It’s nothing against her, I just didn’t want to the see the people and get uneasy.
Instead she said that I couldn’t make the sacrifice to get her a burrito and all this. I just told her I would ask our brother to get the burrito for her since it’s not awkward for him to see the church people. Instead my sister said “no I asked you to get it”. And persisted me on getting the burrito for her. She then went on to say that she always makes sacrifices for me when she picks me up for school almost everyday, and even sacrificing some mornings to drop me off to school. I really appreciate her for doing things like that to me, and I would do the same to her because it doesn’t have anything to do with confrontation and uneasiness. She proceeded to call me a terrible sister for not making this sacrifice.
Am I in the wrong here?
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"description": "leaving my boyfriend of a month because he's hunted as a hobby in the past",
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|
WIBTA if I left my boyfriend of a month because he's hunted as a hobby in the past?
|
My boyfriend and I met on Tinder a couple months ago, and have been seeing each other for about a month. Everything has been going great. We get along great, and he's great with my 16 month old daughter. While we've only been seeing each other for a month, I'd characterize things as "pretty serious", or at least headed that way.
At dinner tonight, the topic of hunting came up, and he asked me what I thought of it. I told him that I was against hunting for sport for moral reasons. He then asked me what I would think if he was a hunter. I said it'd be ok if he had done it as a kid with relatives or something like that, but it would be a deal breaker if he had done it recently (like within the last year) and I'd have to break up with him.
He said something to the effect of "what if I agreed with you that it's wrong and agreed to never do it again?" I said that it would still be a deal breaker I couldn't get past and would have to end the relationship.
Turns out, he's NOT a hunter and never has been, but he was pretty put off (to use his words) by how quick I would have been to end the relationship over something so seemingly small, to him at least. Now he's sulking wondering what "other things" I might be willing to leave him for at the drop of a hat.
So, Reddit. WIBTA for leaving him in this hypothetical scenario, even if he was willing to change his ways?
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{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to go to the grocery store by himself",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to go to the grocery store by himself?
|
I'm a student and work part time. I often have homework after school and there are other things for me to do. He works less than 40 hours a week and doesn't go to school and refuses to go by himself. We decide on what we want beforehand so it's not like he doesn't have any ideas. When hes at home he sits and plays games or watches TV. Am I an asshole for saying he can go by himself?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "stopping paying Parent plus Loan",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 12
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WIBTA if I stopped paying Parent Plus Loan?
|
Buckle in folks, this is gonna be a long one. Throwaway for personal reasons.
Okay, so I have a massive student debt. About $110k total with about $65k in Parent Plus Loans in my mother’s name. I also have a baby on the way. Currently, I’m paying $600/mo toward the parent plus loan. I’ve asked my mother to reapply for income based repayment as her income has changed significantly (she has none) and I really need the flexibility to prepare for child related expenses. (I’m not planning on paying just the minimum, but if I need to do it one month because I have an emergency, I will.) My husband and I are currently living paycheck to paycheck, making decent money, but paying $1000/mo total toward student debt (income based repayment minimums).
She is refusing to reapply for the income based repayment despite the fact that she makes no payment towards these loans. She also took out the maximum every year I was in college despite the fact that I specifically asked her not to, as our agreement was that I would pay them back. She claims she used the extra money toward me. There’s no way all the money was used for my expenses. She fixed my car once to the tune of about $700, but never helped with rent or groceries, even leaving me homeless for about six months while I was in school. She probably netted about $15k off these loans.
WIBTA if I stopped paying these loans if she refuses to reapply for income based repayments? The loan is solely in her name, so there are no legal/financial repercussions for me. I imagine she will harass me to the point of needing a restraining order if I do this.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "asking delivery drivers to come to my door",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking delivery drivers to come to my door?
|
I used to deliver food for postmates just for a short amount of time so i can empathize with parking situations, busy streets etc.
I've noticed nowadays, a lot of drivers wont come up to my door, but instead call me and expect me to come out to grab my food. I would understand that to be the case if my street was dangerous, extremely busy, or lacked parking, but it is none of those.
I order through a 3rd party app and put in instructions for them to come to my door, which i have seen print out on the receipt from almost from every vendor. I now tip on my credit card 10-12% and give them remaining tip (for 20%) if they choose to come to my door. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "convincing my friends to skip my friends dance performance",
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AITA for convincing my friends to skip my friends dance performance
|
So here’s some context.
I have a friend, let’s call him James.
James is a friend within our friend group of about 6 or so people. He’s on the dance team at our school and asked us briefly to go to his m part performance in a winter concert. In advance our friend group had planned an outing on that day. So when the time came I gave the option to my friend group I gave the option of going to someone’s house and playing video games.
Fast forward my friend James comes afterwords to the house. He asked me if I convinced everyone to skip the performance. He then asked everyone why we skipped. I decided I’d take the blame so I said I convinced them so he decided to kick me and hold me down and ask why before getting up and sitting down across the room.
I decided it’d be best to leave the house as I didn’t want to cause more tension.
AITA?
Sorry for long paragraph and like broken English.
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{
"description": "thinking that a face that unambiguously communicates disdain is not really better than using words to communicate disdain",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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|
AITA for thinking that a face that unambiguously communicates disdain is not really better than using words to communicate disdain?
|
I've been with my SO for three years, and a few months after we started dating, he started to tell me more and more often what bad taste I had in things, particularly in the clothing department. He shops at Nordstrom while I am quite comfortable shopping at Walmart, and, in the beginning, this was a nonissue. However, at some point, he began telling me he didn't like various articles of clothing that I owned and that I should let him take me out to get better (i.e., more expensive) clothing. Aside from once when I let him buy me a coat (his idea, not mine), I've always declined because, for various reasons, I'm just not an expensive clothes type of person. I'd succeeded for while in just brushing off his jabs at my taste because, deep down, I think he really thinks he's helping, but, eventually, I started feeling really self-conscious about what I wore around him, and I even broke down in tears a couple times because I just couldn't fathom why he was even with me if he didn't like the things that were basically core parts of who I am. That was a couple months ago, and after talking to him again about how it was hurting my feelings, he really has gotten much better about it, which brings me to why I've written this post.
​
Tonight, we were having a lovely time just hanging out on the couch when he said, "You have really nice feet. You should show them off more often." I thanked him and told him that he'd get to see them more this summer when it's warm enough to wear sandals again. At this point, he made a face that very clearly communicated he had some fashion problem with my sandals, and I immediately felt judged again. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and asked him, "You don't like my sandals, lol?" with the hope that he would just say something like, "Nah, babe, your sandals are fine." But instead, this was how the conversation unfolded:
​
Him: I didn't say anything.
Me: You made a face when I mentioned my sandals that clearly showed you have some problem with them.
Him: But I didn't *say* anything.
Me: When you make a face that shows that you hate the sandals, that's the same thing as saying it with words. \[At this point, I, admittedly, tried to be petty and tell him that I hate a pair of his shoes, but, when he asked which pair, I couldn't describe them because I don't actually give a damn about how he wants to dress as long as it makes him happy, and I realized my bluff had been called\] ...I just wish you wouldn't make faces about the things I wear. I really like my sandals.
Him: But I made a face so I wouldn't say anything bad about your sandals. I just can't win!
​
So AITA for thinking that a face that communicates disdain is no better than using words to communicate disdain, or should I be ok with his faces about my fashion choices as long as he doesn't actually disparage them using words?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being mad at that girl for not thanking me for my efforts",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being mad at that girl for not thanking me for my efforts?
|
Ima explain the situation to you guys as quick as i can.
I work in a city about an hour from where i live so i have to get up at 4 am in the morning in order to show up at work at 7:15 am and get home at about 5:20 pm from tuesday to friday.
There's a bar in the town where my dad lives where all the people from my town usually meet up to have drinks and party. This bar is basically owned by the people of this town and there's no regular barkeepers and bartenders so the members of different local clubs, like the football team, the local union and so on, need to do the services in this bar, and the club that is in charge of the bar changes every week. I hope you get this, it's kinda complicated.
So friday it was the turn of the club i'm member of and nobody of our club had time to do the service except this one girl that i kind of like and myself.
Keep in mind that i get home at 5:20pm and shift at the bar starts at 6:15pm on fridays.
I had no time to eat at home so before i got home from the city i work in i had to grab something from mcdonald's, which i don't like and try to avoid, and had to eat it at the train station.
When i got home i had to shower as quick as i could, tried my best to look a bit presentable to the people, rushed off to my dad's place and then went to the bar.
I really didn't want to work there because i'm very bad at barkeeping and also didn't want to put all that damn stress onto myself right after work but i did it anyway because i didn't want the girl to have to work all alone. The place was crowded anybody had so difficult orders that i always messed up. To me it was a complete catastrophy. The girl did a terrific job. But she had to leave at 11 pm because she had to get up early the next day to drive to a concert she wanted to see. I was glad that the dad of a friend of mine helped me out after she left til all the people were gone.
I was really exhausted because i had been up for 20 hours at that point.
Now i kinda hoped that this girl would maybe appreciate that i wanted to help her out right after i got home from work. But i didn't get a "thank you", in fact nobody thanked me for my efforts that evening.
Like i said, i kind of like that girl and we're kind of friends and i really wanted to help her out. But now that she didn't show any word of appreciation for my efforts i'm not quite sure if she'd do the same for me if i was in a stressful situation like that. And now i'm mad at her. I didn't tell her that i'm mad and i didn't complain or something. But am i the asshole for even being mad at her in the first place?
I know that i did a really bad job. But i tried my best.
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| null |
AITA of calling out my friend's questionable behaviour?
|
Ok so one night I couldn't sleep so I was just watching random shit on YouTube, I have a couple friends on snapchat and but one girl is what this story is about, so let's call her R.
So it's 12 AM and I'm thinking to myself, "damn I should get some sleep" so I check most of my apps to see if anything happened when I see R posted a story of her in her underwear in front of a dirty mirror with the caption "someone do something rn?"
Now I think I should mention that she is not a legal adult yet, she's close but not there yet, which made all of this that much more confusing and weird.
I ask her "what the hell is up with your story?" when R angrily replies who she can "do whatever the fuck I want and your not the boss of me" R then said "besides you probably jacked off to it anyways"
I told R that I was fucking disgusted how she would think that and I told her and how she needed to get her shit together and that she shouldn't even be doing this, then she just told me to fuck off and how I'm shifting the blame and to not talk to her.
So AITA for calling her out?
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{
"description": "trying to cut my friend out",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to cut my friend out?
|
First off sorry about Grammar
Second off I ,myself don't think I'm in the wrong,but others may have different opinions on it
My "friend" ,ill call them CF, and I met on the first day of school and we hit it off right away.
Fast forward a few weeks
CF and an another one of their friends are talking at CF locker and I overheard CF friend calling his/her mom a "bitch" for not letting them take hormone pills and CF is agreeing and calling his/her mom bitch as well .
Fast forward a few months
CF is stirring up drama at a sleepover for my B-day with this other girl I invited ,ill call her Kiki, apparently Kiki had asked out the previous friend of CF crush when he/her had told her that she/he liked them. The topic was unprovoked and we were just hanging out in my room , and the girl started crying and I ditched everyone else to try and help her . Later on that night , we were watching love Simon ( great movie I'd recommend it even though I barely got to watch it ) and in the middle she had a " panic attack " even though it really was a panic attack and she was screaming in the middle of the movie ( I'm glad I didn't take a seat in the theater ) because the scene when the came out to the father was like her experience coming out to father ( even though they had said that they never came out to their father ) and from my sister, I was told that CF was testing them on if they anxiety ( even though CF hadn't even been tested professionally for it )
A few months later
CF started to talk about stuff that made me really uncomfortable and no matter how many times I asked him to stop they would just carry-on the next day like I never asked , now this may seem a little off-topic but I have been professionally tested for clinical depression and anxiety and the thing I struggle with is selfharm and a could be sent into a relapse from being shown selfharm or being talked about it , and I have told CF about it and they still talk about it and show their " selfharm scars " even though it's looks just like one Catscratch on their arm. And they also talk about selfharm suicide and a lot of sexual stuff which that doesn't bother me as much as the other two
Now two months ago I had enough of their BS and I told him straight out in the face in fourth hour that I cannot befriend them anymore the next day on Monday during fourth hour I was called to the counselors office , apparently they had asked to go see the counselor because I had one stop being friends with them and when I told them why didn't ly them anymore , selfharm suicide and all that stuff , they just said " I've been getting better I haven't talk to that stuff in weeks ever since I got my therapist " and since there was a teacher there/ counselor I was too scared to say no and I didn't want to still be friends of them .
Now I'm kind of forced to be friends I'm still in there still on their stupid
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{
"description": "not inviting a friend to play basketball with the rest of us",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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}
|
AITA for not inviting a friend to play basketball with the rest of us?
|
Ok so, one of my friendship groups includes 5 of us. 4 of us are into the NBA and basketball in general, and as a result we regularly play 2v2 scrimmages at a local court.
Now the other member of our group, let’s call him Todd, has no interest in basketball and therefore is understandably terrible at it. Also, Todd doesn’t have his drivers license - keeping in mind that we’re all 23 years old and the legal age to get your provisionals in Australia is 17.
The problem is that on several occasions when Todd has found out that we have been playing these 2v2 scrimmages without him he gets salty, and posts passive aggressive messages like “thanks for the invite” in our group chat. However, we have still continued to play without him.
The obvious reasoning as to why we don’t invite him is because of his basketball skill level. When we’ve invited him in the past and played 3v2 it’s unfair because the team with 3 will always get an open shot because of the extra man, and if we play 2v2 then the team with Todd on it will be severely disadvantaged. Quite frankly, it doesn’t make our scrimmages competitive, productive, nor fun.
On top of this, his lack of having a drivers license means that one of us has to pick him up, which turns a 15 minute trip one-way into a 40 minute one, since he doesn’t live on the way to the court.
While I can understand why he gets upset because he feels as if we are leaving him out, playing basketball is the only time we don’t invite him when we hang out. We still regularly go out as a group, whether it be grabbing a bite to eat locally, or getting drinks in the city, and we invite him every single time (and yes we have to pick him up).
Are we being selfish because we aren’t inviting him to one specific activity that we do as a group, or is he acting childish?
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HISTORICAL
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|
AITA for not loaning my grandfather $$$?
|
Longtime browser first time poster. TL;DR at bottom.
Backstory: my grandfather has a bit of a gambling problem. He has highs, where he buys us all expensive Christmas/birthday gifts (I got a new flatscreen from him one Christmas) and then he has lows where he's COMPLETELY wiped out, can't even make his minimum credit card payment of $50. I've helped him out before last year with making minimum payments on time, seeing as he was newly retired and I got my first ever office job (30k, nothing too fancy).
However. Tonight he calls me asking for a much larger lump sum, cash, he needs ASAP (tomorrow morning). I understand he probably called other people for help and I'm the last resort, which is why the call is so last minute. I also understand it must be serious if he's calling me, his grandchild who he doesn't really otherwise call. But I've been sick with bronchitis the last two weeks (literally have taken 3 days off work just this week) and have spent quite a bit on doctors visits and medications, not to mention keeping my own bills and payments on time. I told him I'd loan him no more than how much I've loaned him in the past, but I feel guilty because I know if I really wanted to give him the full amount I could. (I would just be seriously broke after). Side note- he does repay me. It usually takes him anywhere from 2-4 weeks to repay me. But he usually adds on a little extra "interest" as he puts it.
TL;DR -> gambling addicted grandfather who usually buys me expensive gifts now needs a large lump sum of cash asap (within 24 hours) that I technically have but don't want to give to him for fear of not being able to take care of myself.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not liking the family dog",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not liking the family dog?
|
So my wife and kids have wanted a dog for a very long time (wife longer than the kids) and I had always said no because I don’t really like dogs. My wife and I are both in our 30s and my kids are 9, 7, and 2. We’ve had the dog for almost 2 years now.
When I finally broke down and told them they could get a dog, I also told them that I want no part of it. They will be responsible for walking, feeding, and cleaning up after her. For the most part, they do a pretty good job.
The only reason I am really asking this is because my wife always gives me a hard time because I pay zero attention to the dog. I’ve had dogs all while growing up and I’ve just never liked them. My wife will get mad because she’ll come home from work at night and the kids will be in bed and the dog will usually be in her crate. Not locked in her crate or anything, we just have developed a mutual understanding that we don’t get along and she’ll go to her crate because that’s her area and we’ll both be out of each other’s hair.
Now I don’t hate the dog, I just kind of nothing the dog like she’s almost not there. So AITA??
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{
"description": "dropping my gf off during a red light, not the spot she wanted",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for dropping my gf off during a red light, not the spot she wanted?
|
My gf has a broken ankle.
Because of this, I drive her into work everyday before I drive to my work, park the car on a busy city street, and help her out of the care so she can use her knee scooter/crutches. (as well as generally doing all sorts of other things for her as we live together- which I view as my responsibility and happily so)
Usually, I drop her off on a flat area on the side of a street. Before I turn the corner to get to that point though, there is a big set of lights as you come down a hill. They last a really long time. Today, because we were running late and I needed to get to work, I said before we get to those lights, "if we get the red light here you are going to need to get out, I really need to get to work". We did hit the red light.
She says that the slope is dangerous and that she doesn't want to get let out there, but when I park the car, take out her mobility item, and then turn to face her to help her out of the car, she never waits for me to assist her. As I said, these lights take a very long time, so if she chilled and waited for me, I could easily assist her much more safely than the way she is doing it. I do not think that this method is dangerous.
There is a significant time saving by doing this (if we catch the red light) because we don't have to wait for the light \*and\* the transfer of her to the street, we get them both done at once.
For reference, I was late to work today even with this change, I would have been significantly later without it. So, AITA?
​
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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"description": "talking to my friend about the fact that he likes to \"ruin peoples good time\"",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I talked to my friend about the fact that he likes to "ruin peoples good time"
|
Sorry for the long post I am trying to include as much relevant information as I can.
Let's get a couple of statements out of the way.
1. I am a pretty blunt person, very type A, and am often considered the asshole.
2. I only care about what other people think of me to the extent that I use it as a self modifying tool (if I am the asshole I then identify what it is that I need to adjust in myself)
3. I am constantly working on bettering myself for others for myself (see statement 2). I know this does not excuse any behaviors I do, but it explains why I am here asking about this.
It is possible he might find this post as he does sometimes browse reddit but I doubt it since he's not really aware of this sub. But if he does I hope he knows I am asking because of genuine care for him and our friendship.
​
Let's get down the the question. I have noticed over the several years we have been friends that my friend (let's call him George) has some peculiarities that could put him as very high functioning Aspergers. I majored in a branch of psychology which was not enough to by any means diagnose him, but enough that I notice some tendencies and know that since George is so high functioning a diagnosis could have been missed or overlooked. Most of his "quirks" are acceptable and do not hinder our friendship or his social interaction in general. He understands that sometime things are considered inappropriate in general social situations, but does not really know what those are specifically, so he just goes into "safe mode" where he doesn't say anything controversial at all, even to those he considers friends. I do not think this is by any means a bad thing, but it means he is uncomfortable opening up to us and therefore limits our friendship. I do not say this because I am assuming I say it because after several years of friendship with George he expressed to a mutual friend that he is afraid that I will "be done with him" and then he will lose all his friends because of it. Let me explain this statement. I run a meetup group where most of our interactions and socializing are done through there or with the "core" people and those that have been removed from the meetup group are usually no longer invited to things that are off meetup. I then had a discussion with George about how I hope he trusts the strength of our friendship enough that he can talk to me about things that bother him, concern him, or he is wary about and he, by the end of it, agreed that he felt he could.
​
Last night we were playing a game and as I was setting up the arena he kept running over the traps I placed consuming them before their intended purpose. This in itself is not a problem or even a deal let alone big deal or small deal. But it is a habit of his. When Diablo 2 was a thing, one of his self proclaimed favorite things was to min/max a character, join a group of hardcore characters (when you die you lose everything, even the character) and help them quest and such and then drop a bunch hydras (stationary "pets" that do damage for you), port back to town, and then enable PVP having the hydras kill the whole party and everyone loses all their things and their characters become unplayable. Again, it's a game so it's not like people's lives were ruined or anything but people still put considerable amount of time and effort into leveling these characters. He did it just to have them lose everything, he did not gain experience, loot, or anything else from them dying. A second example is how a friend just discovered an elephant sanctuary that was taking volunteers. Let's call this friend Jane. Jane was never going to go to this sanctuary as she could not afford to stop work to volunteer all her time. This was very clear, even to George. Regardless, he spent about 10 minutes going back and forth with Jane about how "you'll just be shoveling poop. It's not like they're just going to let you play with the elephants" to which Jane would tell George "I know that, but like, why do you have to ruin my nice fantasy?".
​
So last night when he did the very very minor running over my traps just to waste them because he knew that I only had a limited amount of them I made a comment/question of "why do you do that? Does it make you feel nice to ruin things for people or do you get some sort of something else out of it?" to which re flippantly replied "yes, clearly I just like to ruin peoples lives because I'm just evil". So, a non-answer.
My question is this: would I be the asshole to press him again today about it? I don't really think this behavior is so bad that it would really interfere with our friendship (or if it did, would be very minimal) but I also want to address a thing that I see as unhelpful in his learning to better interact with friends and strangers. Also, it irritates me a little bit. But the big ass caveat is, that is not my place to make him address a thing that he does not want to address himself. He did not come to me asking me for help, so WIBTA for offering this advice anyway?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
yR5cXmd0byAcuZXijz0KYhyPqB60ekAI
|
artvt5
|
{
"description": "lying about my mental health",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for lying about my mental health?
|
A bit of background: I struggle with depression and anxiety. Sometimes I'm the happiest person in the world and others I can't make myself get out of bed for days at a time. I've had to medically withdraw from university before due to depression, and while I was gone I did some serious time with my therapist. Eventually I felt like I got my shit together enough and came back to school, but I still get down in a rut sometimes.
​
Lately, I've been in a real tough spot. I have trouble getting up for class and doing my work, and I waste \~100% of my time. Gf obviously knows I'm struggling, but I've been trying to hide the extent of just how tough this last week or so has been from her because I know she would go into a constant state of anxiety fueled worry over my mental health. She has enough on her plate as it is, and if she starts worrying about me then she'll start neglecting herself (even more).
​
My parents live hours away, and there's nothing they could really do the help significantly anyways. They're both super busy, so I don't want to add any extra stress to their lives as they (read: mom) would worry significantly about me as well.
​
I know how to get myself out of these ruts, but it just takes some time for me to get my shit together. In the meantime, I lie to my family, gf, and friends about how I'm really doing so they don't stress. It feels wrong to lie and hide things, but it feels even worse to put my burdens on everyone else.
​
Am I the asshole for lying about my mental health to my family and gf?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
bPY2GzgnOhLqflnXDbYj9k1eILSKF7dj
|
ap5jah
|
{
"description": "breaking things off with a guy with potential family and financial struggles",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking things off with a guy with potential family and financial struggles?
|
I’ve (28F) been seeing this guy (29M) for about 3 months. Things were great for about the first month but slowly he starts to make excuses to not see me and all around starts to lack communication. He claims his mom is chronically ill, left his job and doesn’t have money, been busy etc etc.
We’ve had many conversations about this where I offered to take a step back so he can deal, he’ll get a tad better but ultimately slip back into being hot/cold. I got to a point where I started pushing for an actual explanation or any real information and it always was met with ‘ill tell you everything when I see you’ or ‘things are just tough right now’. I got tired of being strung along and ended it. AITA for breaking it off?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
qoKuvXHA5XWkEBwjlpM1dLMSS2NjZV7G
|
atqiyn
|
{
"description": "being upset that my husband isn't calling me more",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being upset that my husband isn't calling me more?
|
My husband and I were supposed to go on a vacation this week but on Monday, the day before we were going to leave, he got a call that his mother is in critical condition in the hospital. She lives in another state so he bought a plane ticket for the next day and we canceled our trip. I totally understood this and I stayed behind to take care of our pets. So he gets there and its not nearly as serious as the family members have made it seem. That side of the family has a history of drama and I'm honestly not surpised. Since his mom is doing well he buys a ticket back for Saturday which was the cheapest flight so I'm at home alone for the whole week. I'm basically homebound because a huge snowstorm hit our area and I am having a hard time coping with being alone so suddenly. I am dissapointed at missing the trip, angry at his family for all the drama they cause, and lonely.
Now the problem is that my husband is out having a great time. He got tickets for a comedy show and he is hanging out with his friends and he rarely calls me. The thing that pushed me over today is that I've only talked to him for a few minutes today and he said he would call me after he got back from vivisting his mom in the hospital but he didnt. He went to his friends house for hours. He is barely replying to my texts and I finally asked him when he was going to call and he sent me a picture of him playing poker with his friends saying "Later, I somehow found myself in a poker game" and I am just so upset. It's been hours since he said he was going to call me and he never told me it was going to later.
I am just feeling so alone and I feel like he is having a vacation while I am at home missing out on our planned one. I honestly want to tell him to forget it and not even call at this point. I know he is probably drinking and I don't know if I can put up with that right now.
So AITA for being upset about this? I know his mom is in the hospital and I understand why he flew out but now I'm really feeling like he is having a great time and forgetting about me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
55BrmNq3WU9fIk94UP6nypn5SGNutVhZ
|
aye841
|
{
"description": "neglecting my friend and being moderately racist",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA For neglecting my friend and being moderately racist?
|
Okay, hear me out and form your opinions later, yes?
Okay, let's go.
So, I am the only American in a Turkish school and as such (These students are very patriotic.) people kind of belittle me and my country for no reason. I do not do the same, but I do sarcastically joke at the expense of some things that are related to Turkish culture if I am sure that most people won't care. Here's where my best friend comes in. Let's call him "Hasan". Hasan is a **VERY** patriotic Turk, it's to the extent where if I even criticize a Turkish military general from World War fucking One, I am a racist and my country has no real history. So, one day I said something along the lines of "Nasretin Hoca is for fucking 2 year olds." (Nasretin Hoca is a Turkish folklore hero.) and this boy was fucking **PISSED**. This guy starts yelling at me about how "Your country is filled with 2 year olds!" and "You are a racist pig you dirty American!"
Now, I am a simple human. If a man is a cunt to me, fuck him. I didn't even talk to him for 2 days and didn't answer any of his calls. I then said things that *I'll admit,* were *kinda* **sorta** ***maybe*** racist. "Yeah, yeah, look at the fucking guys who killed hundreds of thousands of Armenians for no reason telling me I'm racist."
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
4F4e1HEHZ8EQpJvlt4G1YjLi4VmVPrUp
|
b6n21q
|
{
"description": "wanting to kick out my bf, when he has nowhere else to go",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to kick out my bf (30), when he has nowhere else to go?
|
Weve been dating for 6 months, living together for 4. Since he moved in with me he lost his job and blew all his money on stupid shit. Meanwhile, ive been paying all of rent, groceries, necessities.
He sold some stuff of his so we could go to a nice dinner. Although it was nice, i wish it was used to help me. I have been fully supporting him and myself (f23).
He smokes cigarettes and is an ass when he doesnt have them so ive been buying them for him as well.
The past 4 months he hasnt even been looking for a job, and literally does nothing besides sit on the computer. No cleaning or laundry, sometimes cooks.
Our relationship has not been well the past few weeks, and if it was anyone else i would have broken up with him already.
I have tried communicating my concerns and things needing to change. And nothing has.
In turn, it has made me only feel worse about everything and dread coming home. The kicker is, he has no family, no friends, no job, no money, and no where to go if i kick him out.
Idk what to do. Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
BQK9iGo3eYd8pq3CNlHsH6E7fcLQDDlS
|
b0d8e2
|
{
"description": "using the 'n-word' in a college class discussion on the power and impact of words in minority cultures",
"pronormative_score": 45,
"contranormative_score": 39
}
|
AITA for using the ‘n-word’ in a college class discussion on the power and impact of words in minority cultures?
|
I’m a white gay male in the United States. I was in class at college, and we were discussing the power of words in cultures, particularly in minority cultures.
While we were all discussing the word ‘bitch’, a black female classmate voiced her frustration with “gay guys calling girls ‘bitch’, and because the guy is gay, that makes it okay?” She went on to say that if a gay guy casually calls her bitch (context of something like, “bitch, please...”), that she would then see it as okay to say similar things to him, except with the word “faggot”.
I personally do not believe in the concept of “taking the power away from words” by limiting its acceptable use to the group of people who were oppressed by its use against them in the past. I personally detest hearing other gay men calling one another ‘homo’ or ‘queer’ in a casual way like that (I have maybe once or twice EVER heard the words ‘fag’ or ‘faggot’ used that way). I believe a group of people trying to take the power away from a word by publicly using it amongst themselves, while demanding no one else use it (and further condemning anyone who does), only further segregates the group in a collective society.
I knew this would be a controversial issue, but I felt the classroom was an appropriate place to have a real dialogue about it (especially since it was on-topic with the lecture that day). So, I voiced that I disagreed with her view. I explained my stance very much like I have here. I went on to say that I feel calling a gay person ‘faggot’, is akin to calling someone ‘n-word’ (I said the word itself).
I felt that in an academic environment where the power and impact of words is at the core of the discussion, that it was necessary to convey the argument by relating the powerful reactions we can have to these words. However, my classmate did not seem to see it that way. She said she couldn’t believe I actually said that to her. I explained as I just did here, about the environment we were in and the discussion at hand, and that I felt it was not out of line, reiterating I felt it was important for comparing the impact of the two words. She simply said, “fuck you, asshole”, and walked out of the classroom.
No one raised their voices or anything; she and I were both calm throughout the exchange, even through to her leaving the classroom. After class, I asked the professor if it was inappropriate what I said. She said she agreed with my point about being in an academic environment while discussing the power of such words, and that she felt the impact indeed had value for equal context.
I never heard anything else about this incident. However, my classmate never came back to the class, and I hate to think I caused her to drop a class over this. Was I an asshole to use the n-word like that?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
rcPz44R7zKRjiLlD9gyGoRAixQDVzwOY
|
9tawat
|
{
"description": "breaking up with gf",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
Aita for breaking up with gf
|
My gf and I have lived together for 8 months dating for over a year or so. things are good other then she just told me she gets cold sores.. (I thought it limited to mouth and gentials). She has from time to time gotten what I would describe as bad dry skin around her nose . Except this time it's a clear blister. I feel so betrayed she never tried to keep me from getting infected. I am no expert but a quick internet search says it could be passed by very little saliva.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
lcUoiJoIpSRiiizlkkeqfVuDZeFPm3ew
|
ans3ys
| null |
AITA and not being "committed enough" to my work?
|
I work for a school district and commute about 35 minutes to work each day.
My area is in the midst of a snowy winter wonderland that has caused ice sheets over the roads and a ton of snow. Schools all over multiple counties closed on Monday and Tuesday, and they announced a delayed start for Wednesday. All the surrounding districts are closed today, for reference.
When I looked outside today, the road conditions in my area hadn't changed. Within the first 3 miles of leaving I had already gotten stuck on small hills twice and slid trying to change lanes. Driving carefully, slowly, etc, doing my best. I'm not the most confident driver out there and have next to nothing in snow/ice driving experience being that I got my license in a sunny southern state and have spent all of my adult/driving life in places that don't snow up until this year, when I moved to a place that gets the occasional snow but I was told my year round tires would work fine.
I called my staff to see how roads are around them, as I know they're closer to the school district. They also had serious concerns as there was ice all over their area as well. Three of them said they were comfortable trying to head in to work and would let me know how it goes. I called my boss and relayed that I was not comfortable driving but that remaining staff could probably handle the job for the day. The gist of my boss's response was that if my staff was willing to go in, I should have more commitment and be willing to drive to work as well. That I'm setting a bad example for staff. If the roads were, "that bad," she says, the school district would have closed (nevermind that all surrounding areas are closed again, and that my area has not been plowed or salted once in all three days of snow).
I feel badly that my staff is going in, but I think safety is important and if it were up to me I'd tell my staff to stay home. I just would like to know, am I the asshole for not "braving" the icy roads?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
GAtkpUAB95a6UsQnO10G2Kic93z2Ac5J
|
9zaivt
|
{
"description": "not playing along with my daughter who identifies as a mythical creature",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for not playing along with my daughter who identifies as a mythical creature?
|
TLDR: My 15 year old daughter says she is a creature that she found by watching/reading Harry Potter. I've banned all Harry Potter related material and have canceled a planned family trip to Universal Studios . My daughter is having a meltdown in response but I'm not budging. Am I the asshole?
My family moves a lot due to my husband being in the military. My daughter's mainstay friends are mostly online but recently she's got into a new crowd at school who are... unusual to say the least. I try to encourage in person relationships so I've kept my mouth shut about their behaviour and have even been chauffeuring them to whatever they have planned for the day as well as giving them all pocket change for whatever catches their eye when they're out and about. I want my daughter happy.
One of these new friends has gotten my daughter hooked on Harry Potter which in itself isn't a bad thing. I was so happy she had found something new that excited her that my husband and I were planning on taking her and the friend to the Wizarding World for her birthday. I love when any of my family members branch out and try new things and I wanted to encourage the new interests she was developing. When we announced this to get things started to get weird.
All of a sudden she was wearing only black, her headbands with a unicorn horn, and wasn't changing her clothes at night. She would go to bed in shoes in all if I didn't stop to catch her at night. She has her own debit card that is connected to a bank account that she puts her money in. She used it to buy a pair of shoes that look like hooves. She tried to wear them to school but I managed to convince her that her feet would hurt too much so they've been blessedly sitting in her closet. My husband laughed it off as a phase but I was worried. Then she started answering questions in noises best described as "person who has only been vaguely described what a donkey is tries to recreate noise". She even used to play a game with her online friends every Wednesday but now she's not talking to any of them at all. She told me that they were being mean to her but I've never seen them even argue about little things so I don't know how much truth is there. I hated being around her and I hated myself for feeling that way. She didn't feel like my daughter at that point. I felt like she was trying to impersonate her new friends instead of just impressing them. Does that make sense?
Finally she pulls us aside one day and tells us that she didn't feel she is who she was born as and I think "Okay! That explains so much. She wants to transition to a boy. We can start that and go through all of these bumpy patches as a family" But no! She tells us that she's some mythical creature from Harry Potter. I exploded which wasn't appropriate for me to do, I admit that, but I stand by everything else. I told her she wasn't allowed to go watch the new movie, read the books, or watch the old films anymore. We took out everything Harry Potter from her room and I canceled the trip we had planned. My husband thought I had overreacted but he stands by me.
My daughter has completely gone off the rails. She's always been a good kid with a fairly even temper. Now she's yelling at us over every little thing, constantly tells us off, and is just plain miserable to be around. She told me I've stripped away her identity but I feel like I'm saving her from developing any social issues later down the line.
Am I the asshole for thinking that she needs to distance herself from something that has reached the point of pure obsession?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 18
}
|
WRONG
|
fAWtPjTNwvdh6vKJGPxGPgB9tWtfBw9S
|
af0q5r
|
{
"description": "refusing to date someone with baggage",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I refused to date someone with baggage?
|
First of all, I am not doing any sort of victim-blaming nor am I discounting the feelings and effects of people’s negative experiences. I am also not saying that people with baggage are unworthy of love or automatically bad relationship material.
To clarify, when I use the term “baggage” I mean a potentially lifelong negative effect, behavior, or thought process caused by a traumatic experience. On one hand I know it sounds terrible to refuse any sort of romantic contact or relationship with somebody simply because of lasting effects of trauma, but on the other hand, I have always wholeheartedly believed that people can set any standards for potential mates/life partners. In other words, dealbreakers are dealbreakers.
I understand that we all have “our own cross to bear,” and I certainly don’t consider myself to be an exception, but I also understand that not everyone deals with trauma the same way, so some people’s baggage may not be a dealbreaker while others’ might.
Perhaps I’m overthinking this, but I’ve never been able to shake off the feeling of assholishnes that my mindset brings on.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
c084C8GnfKi0CLySRwdemQk7GSogCzKT
|
a28q7k
|
{
"description": "not wanting to drive",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
aita for not wanting to drive.
|
so I suffer from anxiety and when I have panic attacks I can black out and slump to the ground.
because of this I've decided to not drive as I dont want to put people in harms way.
I can get nervous just being in a car so I know driving is a no.
everyone that has asked if I have my license gets mad I dont have it. my mate said I needed it as we where living together and we need a car, I said no and he acted like I was the asshole for not doing it even though I can put peoples lives at risk by doing so.
everyone I've spoken to made it out like i was being a baby or a asshole for not getting my license.
aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
SFFZsd81RT3whIKf3C75i3fCJNuFdOZ7
|
a54w1g
| null |
AITA - Personal hygiene
|
AITA for constantly making sure my SO puts on antiperspirant in the morning?? I try to do it nicely, sometimes it may come across as mean if I get home and he's ponging. I'll literally point out to him that he smells really bad.
Almost every day I'm reminding him to put it on, and when he does he doesn't even spray it under his arms where it needs to go, but over his clothes. It's beyond frustrating as his b.o can be quite... Strong. There have been moments where I can't even snuggle up to him because the smell of sweat is quite ... Overwhelming.
I also have told him that it's not nice for who he works with if he ends up sweating like crazy. That and he has a habit of wearing his shirt a few days in a row. (Because apparently sweat can't go through two layers of clothing....?) He works in an office, within a team that deals with customers face to face every other week. I just don't get how someone doesn't mind the fact that they end up smelling of b.o???
(He doesn't have any allergies btw. And it's the only personal hygiene he seems to miss, he brushed his teeth every day and every night so he doesn't get gammy breath.)
If you deem me as NTA, anyone have any recommendations on how to make sure he remembers to spray before he starts his day?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
rFgGPZq8pMvvGlJWJAg2CyTGMG08WcBO
|
ayfssr
| null |
AITA Work Gloves and communal microwave
|
People are pissed at me, I work for a company that rhymes with ibs. This February was extra cold my hands would not warm up so I would put my gloves in the micro to warm them up. Someone found out and told almost everyone now they're all mad except that it not unsanitary to do that. Am I a hole for doing this. I stopped because it's not that cold anymore and they ask me to.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
hnffE7JgKCBT9Idz25tGs1dg1xz4J44R
|
ae2gpg
|
{
"description": "saying my mom is wrong",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying my mom is wrong,
|
This might seem strange as argument's are common especially amongst family. However most of our arguments are ended by them saying they are right because they are older and know more. The current argument is the ringworm on the bottom of my foot. On the abti-fungal cream and all sites I can find it says to use for two to four weeks. I asked my mom if she can bring me out so I can buy more and she insisted it only needs about 7 days and it's all good and I'm just being paranoid. I told her that people that people that research and develope such products know much more than her. This was followed by her telling me I'm wrong and being disrespectful. Almost all arguments end like this were they dont care what i have to say and call me disrespectful for always arguing.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ucJ63RhZr1H3tTZEr63a1rcBsBAfR08K
|
9x7fzh
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend of almost 3 years for nudes",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend of almost 3 years for nudes?
|
We are doing ling distance because she went to college with her sister while i stayed behind to work full time.
We call each other every night and i rarely ask her to send nudes, and i don't ever expect her to send them whenever i ask, but she like gets personally offended when i do ask.
She thinks i only like her for her body. Which is totally not true or else i wouldn't be doing a long distance relationship with her
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
4Tr49oUuS9WVW58AYsAvxkYQ9UI5DNvK
|
awqnjm
|
{
"description": "blocking an acquaintance on Snapchat",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for blocking an acquaintance on Snapchat?
|
I have known this person since elementary school although I never considered us friends. After highschool we hung out a coupleof times with mutual friends but again I still never considered us close. He started inviting me to meet up for dinner or coffee frequently and I would make excuses until I felt guilty and went. Every time he would over divulge personal information about his mental health and how he knows he could trust me because I'm a good friend. I only did these one on one hangouts maybe 3 times. I've dealt with my fair share of "friend breakups" and mental health issues and didn't want to cause him pain but words can't describe the emotional weight he added to my life.
He started calling me from a psych hospital halfway across the country. Cool, I can have some room to breathe. Except these phone calls keep coming and lasting sometimes an hour. He would over share with me and not give me room to respond or say I didn't have time to talk so eventually I just stopped answering his phone calls. My therapist encouraged me to not give him too much of my attention too because I was feeling so guilty about not wanting to talk to this person.
Fast forward to now, 2 years later, I'm moving back to our home town where he is. I didn't want him to know because I didn't want to get sucked into this cycle again. I blocked him on Snapchat which is my only other social media and I guess he noticed because he texted me a bunch about it today. I haven't replied and don't plan to.
AITA for blocking someone partially due to how their mental health effects me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
l2tAvUvegxSFwgkymJJIc7dfQzfmzE1W
|
b4ijt3
|
{
"description": "using a chaning room with other people's stuff",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Using a chaning room with other people's stuff
|
Am I the arsehole/asshole for using a changing room full of other people's property?
At my UK gym the ladies locker room is co-ed for boys, girls and ladies. I am a lady. That means you can't shower and dress and be naked in the area between showers and changing areas because mothers feel weird about naked women in front of their boys.
The children's swim classes end the same time as the adult lessons and we're not allowed to stay in the pool longer or use other parts of the gym since we only have swim membership.
The problem is that families will leave their handbags and entire clothing sets in the changing cubicles so when you come out of the shower, you have no where to change. If you wait for them to finish showering, change and free up the changing cubicle, that could be a 30 minute wait and I need to catch a train right after that only runs every 40 minutes so I can't wait.
The asshole part is that I will change in the changing room full of people's stuff and if they come back, and they can't change. I overheard people saying I am an asshole for changing in the cubicles because I should wait or move their stuff. I don't want to move their stuff because the entire area is disgustingly wet and their stuff would get soaked if I put it on a bench.
My husband says to change in the shower but there are only 4 showers. So am I the asshole/arsehole and which is the least asshole move? Hogging a shower to shower AND change, changing with someone's property and locking them out, moving their stuff (and possibly soaking) or flashing tween boys with my jiggly cellulite-ridden body?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OBb6G6okCYj6S4b8tyfAlKFABiHBFrsl
|
9wqwlk
|
{
"description": "ordering a $300 office chair",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ordering a $300 office chair?
|
My boss has been pushing for me to find a new chair for a month or so, because the one I have is falling apart/very ratty looking. Well I finally decided to go look for one on Friday & chose 3 options in differing price ranges, although he said money was no object.
The cheapest & (most uncomfortable one) was about $120. I didn’t mention the fact that it wasn’t great because it’s not my money that is being spent. The next tier was $200, & $300 was a blissfully supportive chair with a 2 year warranty. I sat down with my boss & told him about all 3 options saying they were all great & it was his choice which one I should order.
He refused, telling me that it was my call and again, that money was no object- he wants to make sure it’s supportive enough for me to work comfortably for 9-10 hours and will be long lasting.
I picked the $300 one after once more making sure that it was permissible. Well this morning the office administrator who is picking it up saw the receipt and blew a gasket. She & the boss in hushed voices were talking about how expensive it was & that it was wrong for me to use his money for it.
AITA for picking this pricey chair?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
l1Hf8w5RlD9pHP48TPwMSaXPDPTHeP1P
|
azuz6g
|
{
"description": "snapping at my mom",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for snapping at my mom
|
AITA for yelling at my mom? I’m not usually the type to disrespect my parents or elders or to confront anyone. My parents have been going on small vacations for the past 2-3 years every few months to go to bars in other states. I’m under the legal drinking age, however my brother is 23 so he has been allowed to drink for a while. They have been inviting my brother to these vacations but not me or my 20 year old sister. they already usually go out to bars with my brother but not my other siblings on a very regular basis.
they left me completely alone in the house and i wasn’t allowed to hang out with anyone besides for my sister who lives about 10 minutes away. the dishes hadn’t been done but they were nice enough to go grocery shopping for me. i hung out with my sister most of the weekend, only coming home to sleep and take care of my dog.
when they got home on sunday all i heard was “brian didn’t do the dishes.” i ignored it because i didn’t feel like starting anything. i went in the kitchen, where they were at the time, and tried to change the subject by telling her that i got my grades up. she made a backhanded comment about me not having the best grade in a very hard business management class. (i have a high D). i ignored it again and told her i got an A+ on my chemistry test and it brought up my grade by a letter grade. she made another rude comment along the lines of my D. by the way, she usually doesn’t care that much about my grades and she knows i’ve been working hard to keep them up. i just went to my room trying to avoid any conflict again.
after a while she came to my room and asked why i was grumpy. i just shrugged because i didn’t want to be mean. she started laughing so i turned around and started yelling, (once again out of my character). i told her that it’s rude that she makes me and my sister feel left out compared to my brother. i told her that i didn’t like being left home alone so much and that i never get to spend time with her because she’s always either not home or watching tv with my dad. after getting all of my anger out she said “i’m sorry you feel that way” and walked away.
am i the asshole? i feel kind of bad looking back at it
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
HfewWO0qHm7zkcCzx3RQLDeG7c1kfPvv
|
b6t1ve
|
{
"description": "not going to my grandfathers funeral",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for not going to my grandfathers funeral?
|
So here’s some context; All my life my grandpa has been somewhat of a dick, but I didn’t care. About half a year ago he was diagnosed with cancer and he’s been on medication since.
This week he was messaging his ex-wife when my grandma, whose the sweetest woman I know, wanted to see his messages, perfectly reasonable in wanting to. My grandpa gets pissed, rips off a cabinet door and starts yelling at her. My grandma then calls my mom to come over and of course she does. My mom brings her husband and my grandpa gets even more pissed that my mom went to interfere. He tries to go and choke her, they never had a good relationship, when my mom’s husband goes to break it up and he ends up getting choked. My mom breaks them up and they leave. I didn’t know about this until I was in the car with my mom when she told me this story. Apparently the reason he was so upset and frustrated is that nobody went to visit him and he took his anger out on my grandma. She then told me that we won’t be in contact with him, we’ll never see him, and we won’t be at his funeral.
I didn’t think anything of it and went home. However, I think the reason he’s pissed is his medication, but that’s a reason, not an excuse. I still think we should go to his funeral but my mom doesn’t want us to. So WIBTA if I didn’t go to my grandpas funeral?
TL;DR my abusive grandfather lashed out at my mother and grandma and now i won’t be at his funeral.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
q4Emt0TjmJ5EkzDBM4ktWvjvijo5eJFV
|
aqdkht
|
{
"description": "not committing a girl because she has slept around a lot",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for not committing a girl because she has slept around a lot?
|
I (23M) have a fuckbuddy relationship with (22F). We've been seeing each other for 6 months or so.
Prior to her, I'd only slept with two other girls, both of which were committed relationships. This is the first time I've had something other than that. It's strictly sexual. My fuckbuddy on the other hand, says she has slept with 25 guys.
So lately she sort of pedalled the idea of commitment and asked whether we could ever be anything more, I really just shot it down instantly. She left it at that but then a few days later she brought it up again and asked me why I didn't want to commit, so I was honest and said that for a serious relationship I wouldn't want to date someone who has been with so many people. She got offended at that and very angry and left, but it's what I honestly believe.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
RrsZ9RpQTtJGXk3YCySZyXm9pMWqDwtI
|
b2zmfz
|
{
"description": "booking meeting rooms meant for studying in, even though I'm usually alone",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
AITA for booking meeting rooms meant for studying in, even though I'm usually alone
|
Posting from an alt account, sorry it's kind of long.
My school has study rooms in the libraries that I always book to study in. They're fairly large meeting rooms that can fit about 4 to 6 people comfortably, but because my friends and I are on vastly different schedules, I usually end up booking and studying alone in them. How this system works is that every night (at 12AM exactly), the booking for the following week opens (i.e, today is a Monday, the booking for next Monday opens etc), so how some students including me have learned to game the system is to camp on the page and refresh as the clock hits 11:59:59, usually meaning that we will definitely get the time slots we want.
The system only allows each user to book the room for 5 hours max/day, which works out well for me, because my breaks between classes are 4 hours usually.
The main reason why I always book the room is because I have massive social anxiety. When I study in the communal rooms, every time I squeak the chair or drop a pen or even type too loudly, I feel like everyone is staring or complaining even though reason tells me that they probably don't care. Another reason is my classes are usually from 9-11am then 3-5pm, my break coincides with the lunch crowd (meaning that more people are there fighting for communal study room seats).
Recently though, my friend told me that people have started complaining about "certain parties hogging the study rooms". I understand how 1 person in a 4 man room might be ridiculous so sometimes I'm ok with letting a couple of strangers join me in the room, but other than that, I don't see a problem with it. I'm only booking it for 3 to 4 hours max, 3 days a week. I don't see this as "hogging the rooms" non-stop. Besides, if other people want the room, they can duke it out with me over the booking system at midnight.
AITA in this situation? Should I just give up the rooms and find somewhere else deserted to study instead?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 27,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 27
}
|
WRONG
|
nJKdYy2RMQCaSQPlZzyyTTbWFoo342aT
|
av6mzh
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for the whole meal on a date with a girl I'm on my first date with",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for the whole meal on a date with a girl I'm on my first date with?
|
Entirely hypothetical situation
Say that I, a male, am on a first date with a female, whom I recently met through a friend, dating app, or what have you, and we are going out to dinner.
WIBTA if I didn't pay for her portion of the meal?
I pay for my chicken tenders and grilled cheese, and she payed for her chicken tenders and grilled cheese. (obviously if it's something cheap like that (for me anyway) I would pay for everything, but it's just an analogy)
Am I the asshole?
(if this question doesn't belong on this subreddit, mods please delete or please let me know and I will delete)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
AiWrWc49zvY70z0ERevdZltVdVLYSH7p
|
acbyud
|
{
"description": "feeling insecure about my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For feeling insecure about my girlfriend?
|
So we are currently in a ldr, she[F18] lives in a city with one of her best friends who is a guy. When we first met she had him as her profile picture on insta, I[M18] eventually asked her to change it. I felt kinda bad about it but it was still pretty weird. This guy[M16] doesn't seem like a bad person, and ive spoke to him before. She has told me a couple times she is not interested in him and likes him as a friend. (She has known him for a number of years, about 7?)
The thing that scares me is she told me she had a crush on him about 2 years ago. I have no problems with her talking to him, or having pictures of him on her insta, its just the profile picture thats a little weird for me.
We go to school in different countries but we still visit quite often, and keep in contact daily via text/facetime.
Any advice would be appreciated, what to think about the guy or if im just overthinking.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
jUTMS8qJIeVreblnnaUNce2RGCmMCKRT
|
aa1qpw
|
{
"description": "making things more complicated when loaning money",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making things more complicated when loaning money?
|
So for background, I'm a 21F and my friend (we'll call her Kat) is a 20F. We're both in college, and she has a job, I have an internship.
I loaned Kat money in the amount of close to $1,400 so that she could buy her "necessities" for college: a new laptop and a new phone. Now, I only loaned it because she promised she would pay me back monthly and I knew she had a long-time job, so she was capable of paying it back. So in the store (Best Buy) when she decided she wanted a new laptop and phone, we made an oral agreement that Kat would pay me back $170 on the first of every month (it was easy to remember) because it divided pretty nicely into an 8-month installment plan. This was also because Kat said she needed to learn responsibility anyway, so this was good practice for her.
So the first month, we decide that since the month ended in 2 weeks, she could begin the payment plan the first full month. On the first of that month, she tells me that she can't pay me and that she needs a few days. I agree because we said that as long as she communicated with me, it's fine. So I let it slide, because that's what we agreed to.
The second month, she tells me she can't pay me on the first. So again, I say okay, I understand. On the 5th of Month 2, she pays me only $130. So, as a concerned friend, I text her and tell her that you know, bills need to be paid in full. I only wanted to educate her, but I get a response along the lines of "Well, I only have $20 left this week", and "I didn't sign a contract binding me to the first". At this point, I was kind of fed up because she had a whole month to figure out how to pay me back, I've seen from her snapchat stories that she's been buying a lot of makeup, and even if we didn't have a written contract (I have taken business law, I know how they work), I expected her to be respectful of our arrangement and friendship.
Instead, I've been dragged through the past few months with her not wanting to pay me, making excuses (her bank was hacked into, some company took $100 from her, she doesn't want to pay), or just plain threatening me with harassment even though I only ever texted her that she's forgotten to pay me that month.
At Month 7, she says "And our payments are done :)" quote. Yeah, she decides later on after doing terrible math that she only owes me around $113. At this point, I'm fed up, I tell her to keep the money for her next abortion since she clearly has no intention of wanting to pay me back in full and I just move on.
Except now, her family members keep harassing me when I go into restaurants to eat with my family. If I go on an interview with a potential employer (for internships) and any of her family members are there, they actually do harass me and the potential employer, and I'm left trying to explain the situation and remedy it. The really angering fact is that they are spewing lies about the whole past situation, and are affecting me when I only ever had good intentions when I loaned the money.
​
AITA for loaning money and then throwing a hissy fit? Or am I justified? I can't tell who's wrong or who's right, but I'm getting harassed when I go out, and it's no longer just an inside situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
IHVrl9mEoOurs3aWBT7qSeQs4NHUeBma
|
akp0so
|
{
"description": "wanting to end a relationship because of his depression",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to end a relationship because of his depression?
|
I've dated this guy in the past and he recently came back into my life. When he did, he was in a better place (he suffers from depression) and seemed to have improved himself a lot since we last were together (about a year). We're in two different states so we've been hesitant about jumping into a relationship, so we've kept it casual and flirty. However, he keeps getting more serious saying "You're the only girl I can see myself with" and constantly reiterates how much he likes me.
This was obviously everything I wanted to hear because I truly like this guy a lot. But, in between saying these things, he would say he never wants a relationship again with anyone, or would get very distant with me and hardly say two words to me. His depression has gotten to a point where I feel isolated and shut out, and it feels like him and I have no communication or sense of hope for a future.
I ended up telling him all of this and how I wanted to end the romantic aspect of our relationship and keep it platonic until he was in a better place, and he flipped. Told me I had no idea what "place" he's in and I shouldn't be diagnosing him. I apologized for how I phrased it and told him I wasn't trying to diagnose him, just express to him how the way he's been acting has affected him. It's been over a week and he hardly talks to me at all, and when he does, it's only a few words at a time. He told me he doesn't really see a future with me anymore.
​
AITA for expressing to someone how their mental health is affecting me? Should I have been more patient and understanding, or is he in the wrong for shutting me out after always telling me to communicate with him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
XklKuVRnLon6SPozWOJ2McYqsAU6k3vX
|
ac8f4m
|
{
"description": "being angry that my SO keeps telling me i´m autistic",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being angry that my SO keeps telling me I´m autistic
|
On multiple occasions, my SO will tell me that I´m autistic, that I need help, and that she is going to get me this help.
For background info, we both have people diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder in close family, and we have lived together for 2 years. I have been tested as an adolescent during the time my siblings were diagnosed, to be on the safe side, but the psych team determined I did not meet the diagnostic criteria. SO knows this. SO is also a first year psych student.
The times she tells me I´m autistic are times where she feels I don´t show emphaty for what she´s going through in the right way. It was one time she asked for space, and I gave it to her, and it boiled to an argument over me not caring about her. She said it´s fine, because I was autistic, and it´s not my fault.
That sort of thing happens a lot, she says I don´t have empathy for her and I tell her I do feel for her, but she needs to tell me what she needs from me in those situations, because people need different things when they´re going through some stuff. I can´t recall ever getting a good "this is what I need".
We also had an argument over some kids being upset at a rule my work implemented. I work in a grocery store and during school hours, school kids are not allowed to use self-checkout because of numerous incidents with scanning too few items etc. It´s a rule the store manager and principal of the school right next to us agreed on. I said I didn´t understand why those kids were so angry, when they know as well as us that stealing has been an issue with the school. They resorted to name-calling us employees and showing the finger. I found it all amusing that they were so angry over something seemingly so minor, but my SO said I didn´t have empathy for the kids, and that it´s unfair that innocent kids are being punished along with the kids who steal. I mean, I get that, but we´re not really taking away any major rights from them. They can still shop, they just have to go to a cashier. But my SO said because I couldn´t empathize, I was autistic.
I´m not good at small talk, and the comment often comes after a taxi ride, when we meet someone we know in public, or when we´ve had visitors/been visiting someone, because I´m not great at talking with people. I acknowledge this, that I often can´t keep up a conversation, but I don´t find it grounds for a diagnosis.
I´ve told her I don´t like the accusation, time and time again, but it keeps on happening. It´s not that I find something inherently wrong with having that diagnosis either, it´s just that it isn´t me, and I also pride myself on having a great sense of empathy (which other people in my life tell me I have).
So AITA for being angry in this situation? A part of me tells me that I should get tested again, as an adult, and that maybe it comes from a place of real concern.
Don´t know if this is enough info, first time poster/redditor, sorry :(
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 31,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
t1W5qdbxeHPM26FAbo4bh9w1w3uXf5qU
|
avgfnb
|
{
"description": "not letting my friends bring weed on our vacation",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not letting my friends bring weed on our vacation?
|
Hello all, first time reddit poster so I apologize for any mistakes.
This spring I planned a trip with a group of friends and my SO to go to stay in a cabin for a few days. I was the one who searched for the cabin and initially paid in full the 350 dollars for the cabin. Due to this, my debit card is the one that will be charged if anything if anything happens while at said cabin. My friends are paying me for their portion of the cabin which is no problem--all of them are reliable and I know I will see the money eventually.
The problem came after I booked the cabin and one of my friends wrote in my group chat that he was bringing weed to the cabin. I had assumed he was joking and it was not until my SO told me that my friend had actually bought the weed that I realized that he wasn't joking. We live in a state where weed is illegal (or else I wouldn't care) and I am a very paranoid person. I told my SO that I was very uncomfortable with everyone smoking in the cabin. In the rules (which I sent a screenshot to everyone in the group chat) it clearly says no smoking in the cabin. Yes, they could smoke outside, but we have no idea how close the other cabins will be to us and I would prefer not getting kicked out of the cabin on the off chance that our next door neighbors smell the smoke of the devil's lettuce. We were already planning on drinking and I have heard horror stories of some of my friends cross-fading and did not particularly want to deal with that either. All of my other friends on the trip have/or do smoke weed so they were on board and I felt like the kill-joy when I told him that I really didn't want him bringing it on the trip. My SO even got a bit snippy with me when I told him that I was uncomfortable because my friend had already bought it for the trip.
I don't have anything against people who smoke weed--my paranoia is just through the roof and I don't really wanted to get fined or kicked out of the cabin in the very small off-chance that we get caught. Am I the asshole for being too paranoid about this?
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{
"description": "having a girl who loves me as just a fwb",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
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|
AITA for having a girl who loves me as just a FWB
|
AITA I have had a girl who I have been seeing a Friends with benefits thing for over a year who said she loved me.
I know that sounds horrible but shes very childish and cant hold a conversation for more than a minute. I did tell her from the beginning that we would never date and I would never love her in that way because shes just not the dating type for me so she knew this from the start. But ever since we have started this she has just been complains to her snapchat that she is just done being used but will still go out for the happy happy fun time. I have told her why I wouldn't date her and she said OK and then goes and does the thing that I told her is the reason I would never date her.
sorry for grammar i have some head trauma that hurts me in that. but please tell me AITA for this?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not putting up with anyone's shit",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not putting up with anyone's shit?
|
Once upon a time, I dated a girl for 2 years and she was my first significant relationship. During this relationship she was mean, threw fits whenever she did not get her way, berated me, and on a few occasions got violent against me. She was a bad person I should of left so much sooner than I did, but I was young and did not know better.
After that point, I made a vow to never take any girl's shit ever again. From there, every girl I have ever had some serious relationship, I have left once they began to give me hard times. Fight over nonsense? It's over. Verbal abuse? Done. Rarely have I ever attempted to work through these problems. As soon as it begins, I begin to lose interest.
Fast forward today, my current girlfriend and I got into an argument last night. Long story short, she did not tell me some important information regarding how she felt about something. So here I am, not feeling the same way anymore about this relationship. I have done this so many times before, but AITA for being like this? Is it honorable that I don't put up with other people's shit? Or the opposite that I don't stick around and try to work things out.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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agaw0d
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{
"description": "ghosting a good friend of mine after they ignored me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting a good friend of mine after they ignored me?
|
So, backstory as this happened awhile ago but it still kinda bugs me to this day over whether it was the right thing or not.
I used to have this friend, let’s call her Vicky, and I met her through a mutual friend and we got along famously. We had great convos, always laughed and enjoyed ourselves and whatnot, to the point where I developed a bit of a crush on her. However, her friend informed me she had a BF and I immediately recognized and respected that (I’m not a home wrecker) so we just continued being friends.
We would talk on and off for a long time but it was truly cemented with how good a friends we were when she came to my school. Because of this, we would hang out almost everyday and our friendship grew into almost being best friends, essentially. We would talk about everything (from our mental hang ups to her BF issues) and would even hang out outside of school a lot. I even went to her house a few times and met her family. I thought everything was going well, but it changed.
So, it went downhill after one week where we made plans to hang out after not chilling for a couple weeks. It was the day of our hang out and I texted her just to reconfirm, she didn’t respond to me for 6 hours (I was already dressed to go) and she responded with a very obvious and flimsy excuse as to why she couldn’t hang out, but I accepted it and didn’t push her. We talked briefly after this but then she just completely ignored me for over a month.
It really tore me up because I thought everything was great and I couldn’t understand why someone who I thought was one of my best friend would just completely ignore me like this. Many of my other friends told me to just leave it and ignore her, but I wanted to give her another chance and not feel like a wasted my time so I texted her and we got to talking again for less than a day, until she again ignored my text again and she never responded to me...
Fast Forward to school starting as this occurred during the summer and I run into her and she just pretends like nothing changed and everything was cool. I was infuriated. I wanted to chew her out so badly, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I asked her why she did this and she came back with an excuse about being busy and studying, but to me, that doesn’t justify almost 3 months of being ignored. You couldn’t find 5 seconds during that time to text me back and let me know you’re even still alive? A wave of realization hit me, why should I be this upset over someone who obviously doesn’t care about me? And I just accepted it, honestly, and I walked away. I still see her around the school every now and then, and I completely ignore her almost everytime and pretend like she doesn’t exist which is kinda shitty but idk what else to do.
My question is, that I feel like what I did was completely justified, but I wanted to know some other opinions. Was I the asshole here? Sorry for the length, btw.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "getting annoyed at my in laws constantly forcing me to figure out math problems during normal conversation",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed at my in laws constantly forcing me to figure out math problems during normal conversation?
|
Background is that I’m not a huge fan of mental math (would prefer reading and verbal conversation) and my in laws have this annoying habit of including weird hand signals and math equations during normal conversation. For instance, I recently asked my MIL how old she was so she asked me how old my mother was so I told her 58 and she said “I’m ten years older minus 4 years.” Like what? Another example is if I ask the cost of something they will use hand signals. Like if the number was 680 they would use one hand to make 5, then 1 finger, both hands to make 8 and then either make an “o” with one hand or use both index fingers to make an X to indicate zero. So I get totally frustrated and say “Can you just TELL me the number?” And they act like I’m stupid for it being able to figure it out from their confusing sign language.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ax81h1
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{
"description": "calling the sheriffs office on my neighbor for parking in front of my house",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA for calling the sheriffs office on my neighbor for parking in front of my house?
|
WIBTA for calling the sheriffs office for my neighbor parking in front of my house?
We moved into our house in June. According to the HOA, and the police dept says people aren’t suppose to park in the street. The streets are narrow and school buses, and emergency vehicles can’t get by when people park in the street. There’s cutaways I’m the street so you can park there if needed and we all have driveways big enough for 4 cars. Our neighbor does it on a regular bases in front of our house. I would normally be bothered by it but they come home late at night. So my wife and I go to bed and the car isn’t there but most nights that my 1 year old son wakes up around 11-12 at night they are parked there the next morning. So it seems like they are interfering with my sons sleep. We’ve talked to the HOA, and they’ve said there’s nothing they can really do other than call the police to come give them a ticket but they’re not willing to do that.
We’ve asked our neighbor politely twice now to stop parking there, they are waking up our son at night when they get home, and for a short time (2-3 weeks) they do stop. But it always starts back again. I’m getting tired of it and refuse to not be taken seriously about it issue that involves my son.
Would I be the asshole for telling my neighbor, “we’ve asked twice now, this is the third time, I’m not going to ask again, next time the police will be involved” ?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ahh4q8
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{
"description": "refusing to sleep in the same room as my fiancé",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to sleep in the same room as my fiancé?
|
We have been together for around 5 years. The past 3 years he has gained a little weight which is no big deal other than the fact he snores incredibly loud. His father has sleep apnea and I believe he does to. It sounds like a chainsaw cutting down trees that stops only for a few seconds and continues with vengeance. He refuses to see a doctor about it and he says I’m over exaggerating even when I show him a video of how loud it is. We tend to sleep separate because I have a habit of waking up in the middle of the night and it’s impossible to go back to sleep when he is snoring. I feel like the asshole because he’s upset I won’t sleep in the same room but I have told him countless of times to see a doctor as it sounds like he could die in his sleep, but he refuses. I believe it is putting a damper on our sex life because I can’t even cuddle and fall asleep with him without the thought of waking up and getting annoyed from his deafening snoring. I have tried earplugs, listening to music with headphones, etc but i don’t think that’s fair to me I should suffer. It is also extremely embarrassing to deal with considering we went on a cruise with my family and I had to share a room with my sister and her husband because you could hear him in the cabin hallway...Am I the asshole? If I’m not how do I get him to see how frustrating it is for me :( I feel bad because I can’t imagine he feels rested by the way he sounds and tosses and turns.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ab2518
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{
"description": "not liking my parents",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not liking my parents?
|
Im 15, asian (korean), live in California and in highschool. The title is slightly misleading, and I dont exactly not like my parents, I dont like being around them. Forgive me for making this a messy post, but I dont know how to correctly format on Reddit. ill try to make this as nonbiased as possible
I dont like my dad. He talks about the same stories, the same shit, and every "conversation" is just another lecture. He only talks to me by yelling, and when he calls for me its usually because ive done something wrong, anything. He constantly does this, day after day. They also tell me not to compare myself to others, but compares me the most to smarter people and others
My mom is okay, shes just there, and backs up my dad or backs up me, a mediator.
Then theres me, i dont like being around my dad because of this, and i try to avoid him. He talks about racial conversations at a restaurant and in public, and he says them REALLY LOUD. ex: Were in a mediterannean restaurant, and he talks about how all of them are poor.
I also dont care for catholicism. My mom is a huge catholic, made my dad convert, and she goes to adoration every tuesday midnight and church every sunday, dragging me along with it. Its not that i dont believe in this, its just i dont care for it.
I game on my PC mostly, enough to say ive locked out conversations with parents. I dont like to talk to them because they think every single conversation is a lesson.
Also, Im quite athletic, I do Cross country, soccer, and track/volleyball. (so dont assume im not). I also get decent grades, 4 A's with 2 B's (usually), and they dont care too much for that (sometimes).
AITA? what can i do to better my relationship with my parents?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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abhu9b
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{
"description": "getting pissed when people talk to me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for getting pissed when people talk to me?
|
I have Schizoid Personality Disorder. I
am fine with tLking to people nondirectly like reddit but I get incredibly mad when people try to strike conversations with me and will not stop. The only people I ever even considered a friend and was close to close to is my new adult foster home provider and my therapist. Unfortunately, at the same tome I have a bad habit of trying to fuck with people who do not get the hint which may be why I live in one. Check post history if want the whome story, but I ended up getting a Schizo's medicine changed by gaslighting him (That was awful and I wish I did not do it).
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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v9I5ldzd4gsbraQjLHK18mHYpGAthZ7s
|
awns8w
|
{
"description": "reminding my tattoo artist how much he charged me for my last two tattoos upon getting another",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
WIBTA if I remind my tattoo artist how much he charged me for my last two tattoos upon getting another?
|
I’m getting my third tattoo from the same artist tomorrow and wasn’t sure if this would be a rude thing to bring up.
I met with him for a consultation last week and he mentioned that my tattoo would be one to two hundred dollars. It’s going to be about the same size and detailing of my other two tattoos done by him. For the last two he charged only $80 and I left him a tip as well.
I completely support artists and their pricing, I believe that they typically make it as fair as possible. I just think that if I’ve paid $80 (plus tip) the last two times for very similar size/style tattoos then it should be about the same price.
I’m not sure what he will finalize the price as yet because each time he told me the price after he was done with it.
Would this be an appropriate thing to mention or would I sound like an asshole?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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ad0ef0
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{
"description": "not wanting my partner to go on a Disney World vacation without me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my partner to go on a Disney World vacation without me.
|
My partner and I try to go away on holiday together but he has better leave benefits which has resulted in him being able to go on overseas holidays that I have not been able to get leave for.
It has been difficult at times to see him do new fun things without me and I have spoken to him about it many times. but I am generally happy to see him enjoying himself so I tend to get over it.
This time he has extra leave and will be going to Florida. I have always been a huge Disney fan and have wanted to go to Disney world for as long as I remember. I know that my partners family recently moved to Florida and there have been discussions around going to the theme parks. My partner has not been that much a fan of theme parks but might be able to go because his extended family are going.
I had always imagined that my first time to Disney World would be with my partner. Is it petty that I don't want him to go without me so we can share the experience? Especially given that I will have leave and time to go with him 2 months later.
I also think that the chances of going to Disney with me anytime soon will be lower if he goes with his relatives.
TLDR: My partner has extra leave and has an opportunity to go to Disney without me. AITA for not wanting him to go without me because it's a dream of mine to go together.
|
HISTORICAL
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b7ftpb
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{
"description": "taking a girl's laundry out of the washer",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for taking a girl's laundry out of the washer?
|
This is not as exciting as some of the other posts on here but am I the asshole for taking a girl's laundry out of the washer and putting it on top of the machine (which was clean) when all the other machines were taken? She started yelling at me and telling me to apologize and that I should have put the laundry on the table instead of on top of the machine. Her stuff was in there for at least 5-10 minutes and I didn't want to wait forever just to do laundry?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b5qu5g
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{
"description": "not wanting to work (professionally) with people who've excluded me from their group",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not wanting to work (professionally) with people who've excluded me from their group?
|
some background, im a newish (9 months now yikes) developer at a large company, a couple weeks after i started the company had a new hire picnic sort of event, and I went met some people they seemed chill. One member I met invited to a get together over the weekend, and it was pretty much a board game night, we all brought some brews and played board games. It was all pretty chill, I don't think I made any weird faux pas or offended anyone, but we talked about doing like a korean bbq dinner sort of thing at some point, which i was cool with. As it turns out they went and made a private group channel on slack (communication/collab app with reactions) but I was never invited to that group. When I ran into the member who invited me initially I asked about the korean BBQ, and he said they already went and said we made an event in the slack channel (the one im not a member of), and I said oh im not a member, and he said oh well.
​
so yeah for some reason they never invited me back in the group, I didn't bother asking why, I don't handle rejection well (\[ADHD reasons \] RSD ([https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/adhd-emotions-how-they-affect-your-life/](https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/adhd-emotions-how-they-affect-your-life/)), so I moved on.
​
the problem is the members of this group are still part of my overarching org, im on a team within the org, and they're on another team within the org (i think 3 of them are actually on the same team so they sit in the same area etc), I've made my group of friends at this point so idrc.
​
Now my boss recently asked me to talk to one of the members about the stuff that she's been working on, because it's related to what I'm working on, and me (still hurt and confused about why i was rejected and excluded from the group in the first place) refused to, and am currently figuring out the implementation on my own.
​
and yeah im a male, i could "grow some balls" in regards to the situation but fuck them, its not the exclusion that makes me angry, it's the fact that i was never told why.
​
AITA for not wanting to work with any of them? Should i confront and ask why? Is it even worth it at this point ( i assume it is because professional stuff).
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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a6tley
|
{
"description": "thinking my boyfriend should tell me when he uses stuff",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for thinking my boyfriend should tell me when he uses stuff?
|
I know that headline wasn't terribly clear. What I'm trying to say is that he's constantly going in my pockets/purse/bags and taking things that I've hidden for a rainy day. Now, I feel like all our things are shared, so I am NOT upset that he is grabbing cash or smoking some of our "out of sight, out of mind" stash. I'm upset because then when we're out of something and we need toilet paper, or a pack of smokes, or some diapers, I get all happy because I figure it's taken care of, I go to the stash, and it's gone. I've had an awful day, we're broke and out of bud, I go to get the emergency bag and there's a stem and two hits of shake left. He figures because it's "his" money that he can do what he wants and he shouldn't have to tell me shit. (I'm a SAHM most of the time, and pick up part time jobs here and there.) But these are sometimes things I've saved for a while, money I've put away for any number of things. And what's pissing me off is he doesn't think he should have to tell me! I just want a heads up! Like, "Hey, I took that $10 out of the secret pocket of your purse." So that when I'm $5 short at the grocery store I know I have to put something back instead of searching like a crazy person for money that isn't there. Or retracing my steps thinking I dropped it. It hurts my feelings that he doesn't see how disrespectful it is. I feel incredibly unimportant and I want to know if I'm crazy or he's a dick.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ab1v93
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{
"description": "being defensive about my activity on social media",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being defensive about my activity on social media?
|
Long post. Sorry if it’s a rant. Obligatory “I’m on mobile.” This just happened so I’m really overwhelmed.
I just wanna start this off by saying I’ve had one of the worst weeks I’ve had in a long time. With severe health issues, family drama, and personal stuff, I have been on edge a lot. My friends know this, and this all still blew up.
I’m in a group chat. This group chat has some of my best friends in it, and when we see something silly online, we take screenshots and send it to the group chat. I saw something I disagreed with, sent the screenshot and whatever I thought about it. I’m not sure if it’s important, but the post was someone confusing anxiety and anxiety disorders, and sounding kind of strange about it. Seemingly unimportant. Willing to share if asked. Anyway, a girl in the group chat who I am the least close with started defending the post. Which is fine, but I explained why I thought it was ridiculous.
This leads to the next part of the story. The girl then brings up, “If you’re against social media, why do you follow people who post everything they’re thinking all the time?” Valid, I suppose, but these are people that I know and feel almost obligated to follow. We all have those people. I will acknowledge I was getting defensive, but why is it this girls business? Who CARES?
Based on this, AITA? I’m not necessarily looking for input on what I said. I want to know if it was valid for me to defend my social media presence. Sorry if this makes no sense. I’m still overwhelmed.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not wanting to change my weekend plans to see a movie because my girlfriend changed her plans last minute",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to change my weekend plans to see a movie because my girlfriend changed her plans last minute.
|
So the story is we were supposed to go see a movie (special theater, old run, so not normal movie schedule) earlier in the week but our schedules conflicted so we moved it back to Saturday.
Friday night we are on the phone to finalize meeting up and I say are we going to the movie tomorrow. She responds oh I forgot to tell you that I want to take this dance class (she a dancer so it's like training) tomorrow movie is now a no go. I'm like ok that's fine. She then asked if I would on Sunday and I said I wanted to watch football cause playoffs and why an I forced to miss what I want now. She was like ok cool.
Today, I even force her out of bed today to go to said class when she was trying to snooze alarm too many times. She calls me to say class was cut short and now is mad for going at all but again brings up me changing my plans and doing some stuff I'd do tomorrow, like grocery shopping, so we can go. She does this in a super condescending way and says I'm being too into routine for having the grocery day and calls me inflexible. I say that's fine but at least acknowledge how inconsiderate this is in that you want me to change all my plans because you made choices.
Also, I was willing to go by the end because she actually told me the wrong tikes initially and I found I could make it work with playoffs timing but we got into an argument over her approach thus her being like fuck it I'll go by myself.
Am I the asshole? Should I just have been like ok whatever?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
sGPGtLs1pGYFoAxCYn7QGM6qtC0MCyzI
|
b9mjaz
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend that I wanted to run away",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend that i wanted to run away
|
So since i was like 9 i've always wanted to basically start over my life go somewhere where no one knows me and i can have some alias and no one will know about the shit i've gone thru
now i've almost decided that i want to do this for 1-2 years after i graduate college
my bf hates this tho. we're both pretty insecure and he doesn't wanna loose me but i absolutely need this escape
aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
XPtwpjVOue51W2gEXp5pHkVvuUXwgm6E
|
b0ymk0
|
{
"description": "wanting to talk about animal rights with my korean friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA For wanting to talk about animal rights with my Korean friend?
|
My friend and I were just on our way to breakfast, and I randomly asked her what animal rights were like in Korea. She then proceeded to tell me her grandad used to hunt to eat, survive. And I said, great, I completely get that. But what about nowadays? What do modern people think about hunting? And she got quite offended, like I was attacking her culture. She said that her friends and most people in Korea didn't really like talking about stuff like this and that it was a heavy subject. They usually talked about celebrities, and maybe they might talk about this kind of thing if it was trending on the news. She started to get really stressed out and started crying.
I get that maybe she didn't like talking about it, but for me, this kind of thing is important but has never been a heavy subject when I talked about it with others. It's like... a part of a person's values. But now I feel like I might have done something wrong? Or not? I literally can't figure it out.
Idk, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
Pb61McblTLLJqAZLP19fIlcr4yGi7FjX
|
b9ggbw
|
{
"description": "not inviting a friend to a holiday for lying",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I didn’t invite a friend to a holiday for lying?
|
Please bear with me, it’s quite long.
A bit of context: I’m in the second to last year of high school. My grandmother, the sweetest person alive, lives in a cottage cottage by the sea but she won’t be there for a couple of weeks in June-July because she’ll be visiting a friend. Since these dates coincide PERFECTLY with the end of our huge national exam, she told me I could invite 4-5 friends to spend a week there to celebrate the end of our exams, which would be the coolest thing (someone would also watch over her house while she’s gone)!
I have more than 5 friends in my friend group, so I couldn’t invite everyone, and I had to make tough decisions about who I should invite. I was telling them about 1 by 1, telling them not to tell the everyone else to not hurt the feelings of those I couldn’t invite, and then came last weekend.
I recently got to introduce some of my friends to D&D, they loved it, and told our friends that couldn’t make it. One of the friends I was going to invite has kept asking me when I could host a game for her. We scheduled a game for last Saturday, after she made us reschedule thrice, and at 19h25 (session was at 19h), she sent me a text saying she had forgotten that it was her godmother’s birthday and her family was going out for dinner with her. Normally, I wouldn’t mind too much, it happens, and we still had an awesome evening, but I remembered her using the same excuse before. The same night, there was a party at another guy’s house, some friends had cancelled to go there, which I totally understand, and they told me in advance, so I made the connection quickly.
Monday I asked about her evening, she said they went to a restaurant and she had a good time. I asked one of the friends who went to the party, he said she showed up around 19h15, and later when I saw the guy throwing the party, I asked him if R had confirmed her presence of just showed up. He said she had confirmed she would go three days earlier. I was quite mad about that. I absolutely understand wanting to go to the party and not some nerdy game, but she was the one to push me to organise the session to introduce HER to the game, made us reschedule thrice, and she lied about it. Just a heads up 30min earlier would’ve been fine, or even at 19h30 if she had said she had gone to the party instead, I wouldn’t have minded.
I haven’t told her about the trip yet, and I can only invite so many people, I’m considering cutting her out and inviting someone else instead. WIBTA if I did that? Am I being petty and overly salty because she lied to go to a party? She’s usually a good friend, but her pulling off this sort of thing is not unheard of.
TLDR: Friend asked me to organise a D&D session for her, doesn’t show up and lies about going to another guy’s party, I’m thinking of cutting her out of a holiday, which she doesn’t know about, and inviting someone else because I can’t invite all my friends.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
HdO3XcC6gapGBxgmOQfn3O1XpFEDudvK
|
ahy8bm
|
{
"description": "giving up and going home when I couldn't find my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
Aita for giving up and going home when I couldn't find my friend?
|
We were five minutes away but his directions made it tough for me to find him ("by the stone bridge").
I texted him to ask for a location pin - he replied with a screenshot of apple maps showing him. WhatsApp makes it easy to open a location pin in Google maps so I asked for one and he refused (for privacy reasons he doesn't share his location with WhatsApp). I sent him my location pin bc it was cold out and told him to find me in the bookstore and he refused. I told him either send me your location pin or come find me and he refused. So I went home.
There was no reason for either location. Mine was warmer, but we didn't have a firm direction to head to afterwards.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
2mcQfkRCFY1IdOM22RM9raHRL7HoXxYv
|
9xi7iz
|
{
"description": "thinking cum rags belong in the trash",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for thinking cum rags belong in the trash?
|
So i sliced my thumb open preparing dinner- nothing serious, but i didnt want to get my hand wet washing dishes- so i asked my fiancee to help by washing the dishes while i took out the trash, recycling, and other kitchen related stuff.
The recycling was overflowing, so i took the trip outside to empty the inside bin to the outside bin. Weve had a minor disagreement as to what constitutes as recyclable( i vote clean boxes, cans, water bottles, and glass. She insists anything thats biodegradable- pizza boxes, used tim hortons cups, ect) and i griped about it on my way out.
Outside, i noticed tissues were in the recycling bin now too. I complained coming in that snot rags dont count as recycling neither.
She corrected me. They werent snot rags; they were cum rags she wiped up after we had sex.
I immeadiately disagred, but she wanted to listen to a podcast so i respected her wishes.
After it ended she was noticably silent. I asked her whats wrong. Apparently SHE is pissed at ME for chewing into despite her helping wash dishes.
What the actual fuck? Is this abuse? This feels like abuse. It was disgusting, and she refuses to acknowledge any fault and still insists its okay because its recyclable.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
YzSN3suFAFHO5E8CEV0Tkn3JJ6yb5Zcz
|
admo4z
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to my family gatherings",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to my family gatherings?
|
Please help me figure out if I'm the asshole in this situation. I sure feel like one, my friends tell me I'm not one, but I'm hoping for input from outside sources.
I wasn't able to make it to my family's house for Boxing Day because I had to work, so they decided to do a Christmas/birthday celebration this Sunday. Every time I go over to their house (2 hour drive from me, or an hour long ferry ride that's about $40 there and back since I take my car) since my grandpa and uncle died 5 years ago, it's been weird and depressing.
The weird and depressing part mostly centers around my aunt. She likes to dominate the conversation, but dominates it by talking about her grief counseling, her now ex-boyfriend who became deeply involved in the Sasquatch community and cheated on her and just general whining and complaining about anything and everything. It makes my dad and his significant other visibly irritated and my grandma tries to cater to her. My aunt and my dad's SO always end up in some sort of minor conflict, because eventually she tells my aunt to quit ruining the mood, and no one else in my family is willing to voice to her that she's being a huge bummer. I just sit there and stare at my phone, because I have nothing to add to the conversation and the only thing people ever want to talk to me about is my job, but when I do end up talking about my job, nobody is particularly interested (why would they be? No one wants to hear about my tenant's not paying rent or a recent insurance claim I had to file for 10k worth of water damage). My uncle doesn't make the situation much better, because he is a born again Christian who loves bringing up Jesus at every opportunity. My family has a habit of talking over one and other, not actually listening to anything that anyone is saying and it's frustrating for me to deal with, as there's one or another event happening every month that I'm expected to attend, since I'm the only grandchild. Every time I'm there it's just sort of sad to be around, and I have to spend the entire day from 8:00am until 7:00pm taking a long drive, paying for gas/toll roads or ferry fare and then sitting around and listening to everyone talk at each other, and to watch my dad be obviously on edge. Also, in the past five years, they stopped cooking meals for these get togethers and just order a bunch of Little Caesar's pizzas.
I'm on call 24 hours a day and I'm also chronically ill. It's so easy for me to make an excuse to not go because "something at work came up" or "I'm having muscle spasms and can't drive 120 miles", but I've used those excuses to get out of the last two gatherings and have gotten texts from my aunt about how "disappointed" she was that I didn't show up.
I just quit a job where I was working 4 tens, so I'm readjusting to only Saturday/Sunday off, and my weekends are super valuable to me, I like to sleep in until noon, watch Netflix, read and hang out with my dog. I'm a super introverted person, weekends are a time for me to "recharge" before I go back to work, and these events are always really draining on me. It's much easier when they have family stuff at my dad's house, since it's about a 30 minute drive from mine and I can go for a couple hours, he cooks great food, I can bring my dog and then head home.
Am I taking my family for granted? They're not bad people, they're just hard to be around sometimes but not for any "real" reasons. Am I an asshole for just telling them I don't want to go?
tl;dr: my family lives far away from me and they are depressing to be around. I work a ton and want to spend my weekends relaxing at home instead of spending one of my two days off driving for four hours to be in a depressing situation and eat Little Caesar's pizza.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
et8yroDQg9hGgXvCNcSukz2Lgky5auiK
|
aqgnns
|
{
"description": "staying up all day Saturday and trying to sleep in Sunday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for staying up all day Saturday and trying to sleep in Sunday?
|
There is some context to add.
I’m 22 years old, recovering drug addict, with over 250 days clean, but with a criminal record and I live with my parents.
My parents are strict, and one of their rules is when the suns down you sleep, when the suns up you’re up.
Last Saturday I stayed up all night playing video games (osrs if anyone cares) and on Sunday my family decided to skip church, so I decided to just sleep during the day. My dad came downstairs and got upset telling me to get out of bed. I got up... then went back to sleep. This happened several times with him yelling at me every 5-10 mins, I explained that I had been up all night, that I didn’t want to argue while I was tired and a little unstable, plus I had homework that I needed to get some sleep to do. My plan was to sleep til 3, but I never communicated this. My dad persisted in his efforts. I locked the door and he yelled and banged on the door, then got my door key, opened it up, and kicked me out.
I left, and eventually he called me back because my mom said she was afraid I’d relapse back on the street.
I think I’m the asshole, everyone I talk to says I’m the asshole, but idk... I guess I just want outside opinions. Maybe we’re both assholes? But I did break the house rules.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
q0m7L0Vg4pzVT2EoIybHAzObA0C7Jo0u
|
avssbf
|
{
"description": "keeping my feelings a secret",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for keeping my feelings a secret?
|
Last February I discovered that my husband told me he was working late when in fact he was having drinks with an ex girlfriend. I was angry and hurt, and also began to question every other time he told me he was working late, or going out with the guys. Before this incident, I trusted him without question. He was apologetic, and I asked that he cut off contact with this person. She has a history of pursuing married men, and in fact they broke up when he proposed and she confessed to chatting with a married man.
Last November, I discovered that he had not cut off contact, that they had met several times, and when confronted he insisted that he only agreed to delete her number. He claims that they are just friends, that I'm overreacting, and that I should trust him. He will not stop seeing her.
I have asked him to just tell me when he's seeing her, as the lying and secrecy are what I cannot stand. He agreed, but now every time he leaves the house I wonder. I'm losing sleep, I have trouble enjoying sex, I have a hard time getting out of bed some days. I don't want to leave my marriage, as we have a child together. He is a good father, and treats me with respect and consideration in all other aspects of our life. I adored him, and he broke my heart.
My closest friend says I need to tell him that I'm not over this issue, that it haunts me, and that it's affecting my life. I believe it will not change anything, and that I will just be more hurt. I can be kind to him for the sake of our child, but I no longer have the trust or respect for him that I once had.
AITA for hardening my heart and living in this marriage as if nothing has changed? I believe he thinks we are ok.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
mNk6wlHyN7qh6FDVo3Bn51ztzpnr7Y5r
|
b0v42b
|
{
"description": "blowing off my niece after she said I smelled bad",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for blowing off my niece after she said I smelled bad?
|
I guess it’s more like, WIBTA. I come home from work and go into the living room to talk to my 17-year old niece who’s visiting from out of town (I’m 41, in case that matters). She immediately says, “Eww, you need a shower!”
Mind you, I take a shower every day. It’s true that I walked home from work, but it was only a mile and it was 50 degrees out, so it’s not like I’m sweating up a storm. And I really truly don’t think I smell bad. I know they say you can’t really smell yourself, but I’d think if it were as bad as my niece says, I’d smell *something*.
So I roll my eyes and go in the kitchen to take off my shoes, then go upstairs. As I’m going upstairs, she then yells, “eww, I can smell you from here!”
So now I’m like, why should I go back downstairs to spend any time with her? I legitimately have work to do (homework and laundry), but she’s leaving on Saturday and wouldn’t it be... I dunno, rude or mean or something to completely ignore her tonight?
It’s ridiculous, I know - she’s 17 years old, but she is making me cry. (I’m pathetically overly sensitive.) So I don’t want to go back down. And if she knows she made me cry, she’ll start laughing- she’s that kind of person. (Not a bad person - just a teenager, and aren’t they all horrible?)
I know I’m ridiculous, but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
xGv6FMhOOLMkdTsV4bwggBmV76I5mHk4
|
aq252g
|
{
"description": "being upset with my boyfriend's grandma",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset with my boyfriend's grandma?
|
Yesterday was mine and my boyfriend's 3 year anniversary and his grandma is mad and doesn't like me because I wasn't able to see him. A little background... I just started a respiratory program in school so I knew my schedule was gonna be busy and my parents are both live ins for their work so I also take care of both my younger siblings, my grandma and my disabled uncle. Anyways months before our anniversary I let my boyfriend know that I had class that day so I wasn't gonna be able to celebrate with him and he said that he understood and was ok with it. I felt really bad so I planned a weekend get away for the both of us to celebrate Valentine's and our anniversary together this weekend and I thought everything was gonna go well. So it's the day of our anniversary and my boyfriend surprised me by delivering flowers to my house and I called him excited saying how thankful I was for the surprise then he kind of changed his mood and said that my reaction wasn't what he expected and that his grandma is mad because I couldn't even see him today. I was at a lost for words because I really was happy with the surprise and I thought I made it clear to him why I couldn't see him yesterday. He told me his grandma said that it wasn't fair that it was only him chasing in the relationship and that I don't put in the same effort as he does... and it really upset me because my boyfriend and I already talked about our weekend and I had a surprise gift for him that I've been working on all week which I had to ruin and show him early even though it wasn't done to show him that I'm also putting in effort in our relationship... So am I the asshole for being upset with his grandma?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
A381NjlLAFD18w9ia1cY59SmI1MBplg8
|
atzljq
|
{
"description": "not wanting to help my fiance anymore",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help my fiance anymore?
|
TL:DR Fiance of 7 years has been seriously depressed for over half a year straight now, every time I try to help, talk or be close to him he says I am wrong in some way and things are my fault, and it is starting to really suck the life out of me so much that I am even thinking about breaking up.
​
My fiance and I have been together for over 7,5 years now. He has always been moody and hard to approach as well as really blunt. I on the other hand am not. We are really different and we communicate in really different ways. We have both grown and learned a lot during our relationship, but in the past 5 months I have started to wonder if he is the person I want to be with.
​
We moved in together into my apartment about 8 months ago and that is when his depression started. He stopped smoking weed (after 10 years of use) and tobacco (after 17 years of use) when he moved in with me. I was fine with him smoking for example on the balcony, just not indoors. He insisted in stopping though, and he stopped kinda in one go when he moved in (with occasional use).
​
The first few months were hellish and he was going through some other deep shit too, but it felt like he was connecting that shit to me. He was telling me how wrong i was doing things, helping him in all the wrong ways and how I should be doing things better. I understand that he was, and still is, going through deep shit and I need to improve my communication. So I tried to give it to him and grow even more than i had in the entire relationship to be able to be there for him. He started to become angry about me seeing my friends and he started to pick fights about the smallest little things.
​
About 2,5 months after he moved in with me, I was in a concert with old friends and met a really amazing person. He seemed like all of the things that I wished to get at that moment. In a way I wanted to leave my fiance for him but the thing is that I am not willing to throw away a relationship and hard work of 7 years just because I clicked with someone. But the idea of who I want to spend the rest of my life with really stuck and that I am not happy.
​
I have promised to myself in October that if this relationship is the same in about a year I will brake up with him. I know everything wont ever be perfect and I don't want a picture perfect result in a year.
​
ATM if he is away for a few days I feel better, more energized and happier. Things are not sustainable. Not as bad as in the summer but not good either. I don't like living with a person to whom EVERY day is a bad day and what I am doing is not helping at all. I and him feel taken granted for, my needs are not met either and the only feedback I seem to get is that I am not enough and that I do not understand him.
​
I tried to keep this as short as possible but there is a lot of things going on. Thank you for the help. At the moment I don't know what to do and who is supposed to change.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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