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XVLEYRHyRDQLFYSu1bJpkUt1qXICDkI5
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af8ao3
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{
"description": "not wanting to be one the phone with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to be one the phone with my GF.
|
I’m an introvert, so is my GF, but she constantly wants to call/text me. Like everyday. We’ve been together for a few months and I’ve already told her (multiple times) that I hate being on the phone. But everyday she ask if I can call her. She’ll literally leave my dorm, then text me form her car and ask if I can talk.
It’s gotten to the point that I’m annoyed. Then she tries to guilt me into talking to her on the phone. It’s not like I even say anything, I just listen to her vent. And there’s *Always* something for her to vent about. She’s always so stressed, and people are so mean, and she’s dealing with so much. Everyday. The same things. It’s one thing when we sit and talk in person, but Jesus can I get time to myself? This is my first real GF and frankly if this is what it’s suppose to be like then I’d rather be single.
The thing is, I’m trying to do this “supportive boyfriend” act and trying to show that it doesn’t bother me at all, and that I’m always there to listen to her, etc. But I’m going to implode at this rate and I really don’t want to take it out on her. Cause that’s not a good look.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
zj2DoIXQBNAGxapzidB1u5f0YdPvU9X1
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b5rypk
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{
"description": "not letting a parent watch his child",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for not letting a parent watch his child?
|
Some back story
I work as a martial art instructor teaching people Tae Kwon Do etc etc... The ages range anywhere from 4 years old to 60, how ever the majority of the class is under 16.
Most parents stay to watch their kids learn but the one in question has been recently put on trail for multiple counts of child luring. It's a very public thing in my community and alot of people already recognize him.
Alot of the other parents are worried and threating to remove their kids from the program if I don't deal with him and restrict him from staying to watch.
As the main instructor I want to protect the other children even if he hasn't been fully convicted yet, is it even my place to tell him other wise and prevent him from watching his own child?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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b2dn46
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{
"description": "questioning my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for questioning my friend?
|
Context: I've been chronically unwell for a long long time. My friend comes to my house when I'm not well enough to go out. She used to invite me to go out with her but since she moved in with her boyfriend recently, she's just been coming to my house and going out with him and other people, until I asked her why she didn't want to hang out so much. I thought she was spending extra time with her partner and had, you know, forgotten her other friends still exist. She said no, it was cos she didn't want to invite me to things if I might be upset that I couldn't come if I wasn't well. I explained that I was upset cos she seemed to not want to hang out as much and could she please not decide for me what I was well enough to do or not, just invite me and let me decline, as she knows my health changes day to day.
Anyway. This weekend I wasn't feeling well and I asked her if we could hang out, she said yes and came to my house. I wasn't sure how far I could go out, so we went to the beach right nearby.
After about an hour she was texting loads, then announced she was gonna go to the pub with her boyfriend and his friend - both of whom are my friends too - for st Patrick's day and she was gonna wear a green top I gave her. She said she was feeling bored on the beach.
She made no move to invite me to join them until I asked if I could come if I want to and she said yes I could come. I decided it would be too far for me to go in the end. We left so she could go join them. I felt a bit shit about not being able to go but way worse about apparently not being welcome.
Then stupidly, I emailed her asking why she didn't invite me at first, and if it was cos of my health could she, again, not decide for me what I can do, and if it was cos she didn't want me to come then that's her choice. Then I felt like shit for asking her to justify her decision not to invite me cos she doesn't have to invite me or explain.
But basically my best friend said that she was bored of me and was gonna hang out with our other friends instead, after an hour on the beach, when I was expecting an afternoon with her - looked like she was bored of me not just the beach. And I felt she was only there to help, not cos she wanted to see me - it's hard to be great company when you're not very well but I'm hardly a charity case.
She didn't reply to my question (I immediately wrote again to say sorry for asking and she doesn't have to answer). I think I've either lost a friend cos she doesn't like me anymore, or I've lost a friend cos I'm being stupid about whether she likes me or not.
Is she the asshole for excluding me from our mutual friends? Or am I the asshole for asking her not to?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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|
amrn8n
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{
"description": "being frustrated when my girlfriend falls asleep",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being frustrated when my girlfriend falls asleep
|
As the Superbowl is nearing I'm wondering about this:
Often, when my girlfriend and I (both in our early twenties) do something in the evening that's rather passive - like watching a movie or tv - she falls asleep. It doesnt matter what we watch, and on bad days, she'll fall asleep at 9pm. If we do different things, for example if we just talk, she stays up much longer.
This frustrates me. I have told her this to which she said that there is nothing she can do about it and I guess that's true. So I have told her I would appreciate it if she would tell me once she notices she is starting to fall asleep, because I don't like watching movies by myself, that we were supposed to watch together. However she also does not do that either. It has gotten to a point where I honestly do not propose to watch a movie if its later than 9 just out of fear that she falls asleep (and I'll be frustrated). Furthermore, I'm hesitant to agree to watch a movie if she proposes it. If that happens, it's hard for me to tell her that because she always gets defensive about it and makes me feel like I am at fault for getting frustrated at that.
Another issue with this is that we only have one bedroom and the kitchen to hang out, so if she falls asleep there is not much for me to do and I'm "forced" to go to bed as well (not really, but if I have the choice, I'd play Playstation but I cant because the Playstation is in our bedroom).
And then about tonight - I'm really excited about the Superbowl and she promised me to watch it with me but I am already expecting her to fall asleep, probably even before the first play. Somehow, that makes me a little sad.
I know that her mom and dad have the same "problem" and he is always just joking about it, so I sometimes do feel like an asshole about it. What do you guys think?
​
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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jPAbTb12oZs9leHVzz00LU0Ma2GblNXd
|
amxmal
|
{
"description": "abandoning my best friend to protect my mental health",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for abandoning my best friend to protect my mental health?
|
This is a throwaway account. Pardon me, this is kind of a long story.
So there's this girl - Let's call her Alexis - who I have been best friends with for three years. We met in our freshmen year of University, and we are both Juniors now. For a while, we were extremely close, to the point where I actually considered her one of my best friends. But as time went on, things began to get tense between us.
See, Alexis has not had the easiest life. She has multiple mental issues - such as anxiety and depression - that were not helped by her growing up in poverty and with no support network. While I do also have my own share of mental baggage, I have had a comparatively privileged upbringing; I was raised by an upper middle class, supportive family (this may seem like a non-sequitur, but it comes up later). Regardless, I have always tried my best to be supportive of her, knowing about all she has to deal with.
However, as time went on, Alexis began to lash out at me (and occasionally other people) when she got angry. In my case, this consisted of her accusing me of being insensitive, arrogant, childish, manipulative, and guilt-tripping, among other things. The worst of these incidents happened in Sophomore year, when she gave me a letter that emotionally blackmailed me and basically tried to make many of my own emotional problems about her.
Today, everything blew up.
We had agreed to finally sit down and talk about these issues. I was accompanied by our mutual best friend, who we will call Lyla (who has been an active defender of Alexis up until recently). After talking for a bit about Alexis' own problems, we finally got on the topic of her lashing out at me. Alexis told me that she couldn't help lashing out at me, that it was caused by her own horrific problems, and that I should pay more attention to my own actions so I don't say something that can be construed as upsetting her.
Some examples of things I did that she brought up specifically are:
* Telling her to see the new Spider-Man movie (which she interpreted as me ignoring her poverty)
* Asking if her laptop was still broken (which she also interpreted as me ignoring her poverty)
* Talking about my plans to go to Grad School after she talks about needing to graduate to survive
* Calling myself an idiot after she corrected me about something (which she interpreted as guilt-tripping)
The letter was also brought up, and she basically told me that she was sorry for how she wrote the letter, but not for its contents. In fact, she accused me of being insensitive towards her by having a negative reaction to the letter. She then repeated that she couldn't help herself, and that I needed to be understanding of her, and not act like that she was inferior to me (which I do not do, at least not intentionally).
Later on, Alexis told me that me and Lyla were the only people she really felt like she could trust, and that we were her only support network. Then, she accused me and Lyla of ganging up on her, and went into a full-blown panic attack, screaming about how she wanted to end her life and telling herself that she was a terrible person. At this point, Lyla left, fed up with the situation. I stayed for a little longer, but after a while I decided that I was getting nowhere with her.
Before I even met with her, I came to the conclusion that I couldn't continue to put my (rather fragile) mental health on the line for her sake. And so, when I realized I couldn't change her mind, I left. As of right now, I intend to stay away from her, to not consider her a friend anymore.
I don't hate her, and I still care about her. But I don't want to be on the receiving end of her anger anymore. Does this mean I'm in the wrong? Am I the asshole for walking away from our friendship when she's this vulnerable?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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818LRHhQYYxWRRu2XTJ9GgAQ3jPHkRDA
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aj1fnq
|
{
"description": "\"forbidding\" something for my (now ex) girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for "forbidding" something for my (now ex) girlfriend?
|
This happened a while ago (6 months) but I still think about it a lot, still wondering if I was wrong or not.
A little bit of backstory first (I'll split this in two parts, first what led to my decision to forbid her something, and then why I did it), we where in a 2 year relationship (we had a relation ship before that, there was a gap of 1.5 year) and things where starting to get complicated, we often had fights about things.
We had an big argument about something, long story short, we planned a festival together, something which I've wanted to do for a very long time since she would always go with her friends (which is perfectly fine) but never with me, so I was really excited for it.
Let's say the festival date was 5 juli till 8 juli.
I noticed on Facebook that she put her self on "attending" for a party that was on 6 and 7 Juli, when I asked about it, she said to me "well then you and me just go 8 juli so that I can attend the other party as well" I told her no, we made plans, ive wanted this for over 2 years and now that we finally have something you just cancel it without discussing anything.
This led to a huge argument, in which she said that I never come up for what I want, and that I need to stand up more for myself.
Now the next part of the backstory;
She had panic attacks, this started because she used XTC 2 years ago (beginning of the relation), she went through a lot because of it, had a lot of medications, and she was finally getting better and learning how to deal with it.
I've supported her the whole time, would come over instantly every time she had a panic attack, she called my multiple times crying on a station in Amsterdam (40mins by train from my house) and I would instantly travel to her to help her get back to her home.
Now the actual story:
A week after the first fight in this post, she told me she wanted to do XTC again.
I thought this was a really stupid idea, but I sometimes do it myself so I can't forbid her to use it.
I tried talking her out of it but I couldn't, so I told her I wanted to be with her (sober) whenever she was gonna do it, so that if anything goes wrong I can take care of her.
She told me she didn't need a babysitter, that she was old enough to know what she wanted and that her girlfriends could take care of her as well.
I reminded her about the last fight where she told me to stand up for what I think more often, and she told me that this was a completely different situation, and that she doesn't need a boyfriend who decides for her what to do and what not to do (first time that I ever did this).
We had a whole discussion and I didn't give in, told her it was either me joining or not doing it at all.
A week later she broke up with me.
Am I the asshole for not giving in on the situation/forbidding her to do something without me being there?
Sorry if it's a hard read, English is not my primary language and I'm a bit tired ATM.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Ii8NCXVFPhqnE0VxXZm7tLQHNxdkDxnn
|
aitm9a
|
{
"description": "ignoring Facebook marketplace messages",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for ignoring Facebook marketplace messages?
|
I honestly can’t tell if I’m in the wrong, or if the potential buyer (pb) is a choosing beggar. I am admittedly very bad at answering texts or messages if I’m not close to the other person and it’s not pressing. I put a Nintendo 64 on Facebook marketplace, and after getting a few scam attempts, I basically started ignoring it altogether. I’m in no rush to sell the N64, so I’ve been ignoring messages (asking if it’s still available and other questions about the product). I looked at my inbox after not responding for about a month and a half, and I noticed that someone messaged me 6 times and by the last message they were cursing me out. They said it’s extremely unfair to post something on the marketplace if you’re not actually going to sell, and that I’m “a fucking useless asshole.” They then tried to convince me that I should sell it to them for 30 for putting them through that and making them miss Christmas (I wasn’t falling for the guilt trip). Am I the asshole for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
5dnsGvsppUSd55BhgO880OHnnCXvnq6B
|
awxl5d
|
{
"description": "wanting to leave my toxic friendship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to leave my toxic friendship?
|
Hello everyone! For this stories sake the people in this story will be called Eleanor & James.
I've known Eleanor & James for a few years now as we all work at the same job. I have more in common with James and not much at all with Eleanor which is probably why i get on with him better.
Anyway, i never really realized that she was being toxic until one of my best friends started pointing things out to me after hearing me talk about Eleanor some. I guess i just needed to see for myself.
Just to give a few examples before i start the actual story & the reason i'm posting here. She's often accused James of lying about different things with nothing to back it up with, or she'd say i should only listen to her and not him. I feel like i've become her therapist and all that's done is stress me out and completely drain me. She'd often get irritated because i wouldn't text her back or wouldn't text her when i got home which she often would ask me to do. Everything was so dramatic for her, the smallest thing would seem horrible to her. I often thought that maybe i was the one being toxic and that maybe it was something i did or it was my fault.
The story though happened last Tuesday at work. I was on break and James and Eleanor got mad at each other and words were had to keep it simple. She told me her story and he told me his and they were actually pretty similar with a few slight differences on both their parts but not enough that one of them was right and one was wrong.
I did tell Eleanor that the stories were different which i later corrected to slightly so she wouldn't think the whole story was wrong. However, even after i corrected that she still won't really talk to either one of us and it's been about a week.
I texted her last night so i could attempt to fix things and find out why she was mad. She said it was because i chose his side over her's and that he was lying to me about her. I told her i didn't realize i was choosing sides here, and that calling any of my friends a liar doesn't fly well with me without knowing all the facts. Then i told her no matter who was present you're going to get slight differences in the same story from their point of view.
Yeah, i could've told her his version of the story but i felt like it would've made things worse and i didn't think it was my place to do that in the first place and i was already in the middle of things not wanting to be. If she wanted to know she needs to ask him about it.
After all this, i don't know that i want to go back to being chummy with her. I'll be polite to her at work but that's it. I thought once you got in your mid 20s-early 30s all this "i'm not talking to her" nonsense would be non-existent.
Even typing this out i feel like i've done something wrong.
TLDR; toxic friend quit talking to me over something at work, is it okay to leave the friendship?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
4wbeCYhxr0D8tPnFsQ4RtwlgBflfAnZj
|
b9e4fn
|
{
"description": "not taking care of my sick girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for not taking care of my sick girlfriend?
|
So I started dating this girl in college. I'm bi and she was the first girl I ever dated and things were going pretty well. I was her first kiss and we were pretty into each other. So during the weeks leading up to finals week, she found out that she had mono and it was a pretty bad case. She didn't tell me just how bad it was, but I knew that she couldn't really get out of bed or make herself food, and that she had to have IV fluids because she was so dehydrated from the fever. When I came over to make her food or do work with her, she wouldn't seem like she was dying or anything. She was on top of the essays she needed to write (she wrote them when her fever dipped for a few hours) and I was definitely not. When her temperature went up, she would start shivering and I could feel how feverish she was. During the two weeks she was really sick, I bought her groceries once and visited her three times, but she kept asking if I could come study with her (just sitting on the couch with her or something) and make her scrambled eggs because she couldn't stand for long enough to do that.
I have anxiety and an eating disorder. These issues get especially bad during the weeks leading up to finals week, and I was in a really bad place. Most days, I would just sit on my bed shaking and trying to write papers. I told my girlfriend I was sick with a chronic thing and really struggling with the amount of work I was doing. She would keep texting me, with motivational memes or updates on how she was doing and I would leave her on read because I just couldn't mentally handle responding. One time I told her I'd call her in the morning but I didn't get back to her until like 6 PM and she was pretty angry with me but I couldn't emotionally handle responding.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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Htt4RoxLYz7JuExkHc9Yhds1hRxBQekw
|
aueyov
|
{
"description": "no longer waiting for my group members to split up the work and just doing a large chunk of it when its due soon",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for no longer waiting for my group members to split up the work and just doing a large chunk of it when its due soon?
|
This one is a bit long but I'll try to keep it short (also on mobile so formatting issues)
I'm a really good student, or at least I try to be. I get my work done, I study hard, I participate in class a lot, you get the picture. One thing that I'm not good at is group projects. I used to be good at asking people how we will split up the work and trusting them to do their share of the work but now it's getting harder for me to do that and not just go ahead and do some of the work everyday and chip away at the project as a whole.
There have been too many partners that wait till the last minute (sometimes this is literal). For example I had a paper due monday that was assigned on Friday. One of my partners said he'll set up the doc that day so we could work on it but the next day, nothing. So I set up the doc. I asked one of my partners if it was cool if I did a certain section and when he said yes I did it pronto. I waited till nighttime for someone to do another (this was Saturday btw) and when there was nothing I did a bit more and a bit more in the morning (Sunday) when there was still nothing added by my partners. At this point a good chunk of the paper was done by me and it was only in the afternoon did I get a text saying how I did a lot. A part of me wanted to say you never told me what you were gonna do so I figured I would do a bit more since I had time to do it. A part of me wanted to apologise.
I don't tell the teachers about me doing a lot of the project because my partners may have legitimate reasons they didn't work on it. I just don't want to risk hurting my grade when I know I can work on the project. So am I the asshole for not trusting my partners to do their share and eventually doing some (or a lot) of the work for them?
Tldr: I chip away at group projects when none of my partners have worked on it and eventually most of the work is mine.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9ydyrx
|
{
"description": "mowing my lawn at midnight",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 36
}
|
AITA for mowing my lawn at midnight?
|
So, yes I’m on a alt for many reasons.
My neighbor and I used to be good friends. We would shoot pool together and drink beer. We didn’t really get drunk, but just enough to have some fun and relax.
I got a job working night shift about 5 months ago and our friendship fell apart. We were never joke together so we just stopped talking. While we were still friends, he always respected the fact that I had to sleep during the day and would mow his lawn in the afternoon. As of about two months ago, he started mowing it early in the morning again and keeping me wide awake for an extra 2 hours. He does this once a week.
To retaliate, I started mowing my lawn at midnight on my days off. I have a Cub Cadet mower with headlights, I crank it wide open and hit the yard. He took exception to it and called the police on me, but theres nothing the police could do about it since I’m not doing anything illegal and there’s no noise ordnance in place. Since then, every Monday night at midnight I’ve made it a point to go mow my yard.
Am I the asshole? He can’t respect my sleep schedule so I chose to not respect his.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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AHbfUmh0uUlwZNyFUaySY40rl4MvGaXL
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9vgl9h
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{
"description": "calling animal control to pick up my neighbor's cat",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I called animal control to pick up my neighbor's cat?
|
So my neighbor's have two cats. They say one is an indoor cat and the other one is an outdoor cat. The outdoor cat is very sweet and I don't mind her hanging out on my porch for some shade. She's started bringing dead animals on the porch and just leaving them. I talked to my neighbors and they just said "we can't control what she does outside."
At this point I'm annoyed at them and not the cat. I've never once seen them feed her or even let her inside when it's pouring rain. I want to call a shelter to come get her since she's becoming a problem for the neighborhood, and because I'm worried she'll get hurt.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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|
aacih9
|
{
"description": "for drifting away from a friend after getting rejected",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for for drifting away from a friend after getting rejected?
|
I met her a while back and we just hit it off, becoming really close and really good friends. Relatively recently I started to develop feelings for her and figured the best thing to do was just come out and tell her. Unfortunately she told me she didn’t feel the same way, she just saw me as a friend and I accepted it, i have been rejected before. It hurt but I soldiered on, however recently she started dating and mentions off hand she met this guy at a bar, or went on a date and it went well. Stuff you would tell a good friend, and I smile and say I’m happy for her and hope it works out etc. But inside it still hurts, and I’m not going to lie I feel jealous and a little mad even though I have no right to be whatsoever. I’ve started drifting off, not talking to her as much or hanging out just because it’s painful. I haven’t ghosted her because that’s a dick move, but I have told her I need space, though I haven’t told her why. But the thing is I don’t think I can move past it, and I really have tried, I don’t to hurt her because she’s my friend and I care about her but i might start to distance myself for my own sanity and not try to reconnect . Am i neck beard/niceguy asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aoxbxv
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{
"description": "not wanting to celebrate my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA because I don't want to celebrate my birthday?
|
My father really wants to celebrate my birthday tomorrow. I get he cares about me and all that stuff, but I personally hate holidays. I think they're shameless corporate cash grabs that have been robbed of any real meaning or history they may have once had and produce unnecessary stress. Like how Christmas is an extremely likely time for people to kill themselves.
I personally think birthdays are similar, it's just a time where people give each other things, not because they feel the other person really wants/needs that thing, or would really want to do something. Usually people just do those because others are doing it, so they feel obligated to do so, kinda like Valentines day.
Anyways, a couple days ago, my fathers wife texted me and asked about what I want to do for my birthday, I said nothing because I don't like birthdays. Today my father himself texted me asking if it was okay to pick me up and go for dinner. I told him I didn't want to and I would rather treat it like any other day. He then said they already picked out a present, and made reservations. I said I am sorry, but I just don't want to do anything, and I also don't need or want anything at the moment.
I feel kinda bad, like I am some ungrateful piece of shit. Am I in the wrong? Am I just too cynical of an asshole that I can't even enjoy my own birthday? Should I just go along and tolerate them to make them happy? I personally have not celebrated a holiday in years, but they still get me cards and shit even thought I tell them not to. I probably should have just expected this.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "asking a woman what a Labia is",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for asking a woman what a Labia is?
|
Two weeks ago I was visiting my cousin in Philly and we went out to a real waterhole.
My cousin started telling me a story when he went out to a beer garden and this girl started peeing right in front of him. “ Her Labia was staring right at me”
“ what is a Labia” I asked him. He wouldn’t tell me so I asked a female and she walked away.
Next thing I know her 350 lb Java the hut looking boyfriend is about to hyperventilate over the fact and starts yelling at me.
I am not a pussy, so I start talking back and my boys had my back. My cousin told me he likes the bar so we went to the opposite side of the bar.
Then an hour later the chick comes to my side of the bar with a bouncer . “Man, stop asking chicks about their Labia and shit. I don’t have time for this shit”
Am I an asshole or did she freak out?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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awdgjn
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{
"description": "thinking that my friend is a little overboard with his workouts and his constant Facebook praises about himself",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for thinking that my friend is a little overboard with his workouts and his constant Facebook praises about himself
|
Close friend of mine has always been the athletic type though he was also a gamer. Though in the last few years when most if our friends became distant with their own relationships. He filled the void by becoming hyper active in gyms. He regularly posts on Facebook about his super healthy food and is super strict workout routines. Oh and he competes in Spartan challenges every weekend. He's got an entire chest full of these medals. Am I the asshole who thinks he's going overboard with this health thing. I fear it I criticize him on Facebook or even in person I would look like someone holding him back. I know that he has his own Spartan Challenger group that probably push each other for this activity I am just concerned that is taking it to unhealthy levels. Can someone be too healthy??
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aqkerw
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{
"description": "keeping a list of all the girls I've slept with",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 52
}
|
AITA for keeping a list of all the girls I've slept with?
|
I (22M) have a journal with a list of the names of all the girls that I've slept with (slept with 15 girls). This includes committed relationships (2), fuckbuddy scenarios (3) and one-night stands/hookups (10).
Every time I have sex, I make sure to write the name of the girl down with a rating of how good looking I think she was, and how good I thought the sex was (scored out of 10).
It seems odd, but the reason I do this is because whenever I feel down, I can just open up the journal and look to the list to remind myself that I've slept with some decent looking girls, and it makes me happy again.
My female friend (22F) found this list and said it was disgusting. She didn't listen to any of my reasons that I have.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b13xby
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{
"description": "forgetting my youth friends child and wifes birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for forgetting my youth friends child and wifes birthday?
|
My best friend from young age (15-22) and I life in different counties since 7 years. Meanwhile he is married and has a child. He made me the godfather of the child 4 years ago. However, I only see them once a year and do not really have a deep connection to them. It is not the same friendship anymore as we life very different lifestyles now. This year I forgot his sons B-day and I do not know his wifes B-day. I sent him a message to request the dates, he seems very unhappy about me not knowing. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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arct3i
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{
"description": "not loving someone who isn't even actually my sister",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not loving someone who isn't even ACTUALLY my sister?
|
I'm on mobile yadda yadda. But something's been bugging me for about a year and I need some outside help.
TLDR: My "sister" is not my dad's child but begs and pleads for money and I want her out of our lives. AITA for just wanting to convince my dad to cut all contact and let her go?
I'll give you guys some back story. My dad slept with a local bar whore 29 years ago, before my mother was even a thought in his head, once. He lived in a small farming town at the time and she must have been the best he could get I don't know. He never spoke to her again after, chalked it up to a drunken night and left it. Well let's fast forward to about 12 years ago.
I get told one night that I have a half sister and I'm over the moon. I always wanted a sister. I'm stoked. I meet her, and she's about 6 years older than me and heavily addicted to meth. She immediately asks my dad for money and seeing as how he's been told she's his, reluctantly gives it after she throws a fit saying he doesn't love her or want her. We get a call the next morning that she OD'd and we need to get affairs in order because her mom likely has no money and is currently on the streets, we can't find her. My dad barely found out about her 3 days before.
We go a few years without contact with her. In the time she goes to rehab, gets married, has a kid with a man who constantly relapses and is currently going to jail for possession and distribution. And still only talks to us when she needs money. She's tried asking my husband and I several times and we deny her quickly.
Last year I got grossly suspicious. I stared at photos and compared and contrasted with the rest of the family. She doesn't look like us. Not the same hair, not the same skin, not the same face. She is not one of ours. And then I convinced her to do one of those DNA kits with me. It'd be fun, right? And I'm paying for it so how can she say no?
Well with it my suspicion was confirmed. She is not related to my dad's side at all. I brought it up with my mom (who also is wary of her and always has been), and my mom told me to keep it hush hush from dad. It would hurt his feelings more than watching her go back and forth down the addiction road, and hospital visits when she needs to be narcaned. I'm tired of watching her hurt my dad and drain him of cash every time she needs a fix. I want her gone. She isn't family. She's some stranger that helped roped my dad into a lie that he is gullible enough to believe. AITA, reddit?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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anzmas
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{
"description": "being upset my boyfriend is wanting to help me get into shape",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being upset my boyfriend is wanting to help me get into shape
|
I (19F) recently got into a really selective dance school and at our second rehearsal we were all told we got ‘a little too festive during the festive season’ and needed to loose weight. Now I’m 5”7 and 136 pounds (62kg) and pretty happy with my size, and lot of that confidence has to do with my boyfriend as he helped me become really comfortable with myself following a few shitty years of high school and being around people who made me feel bad about myself.
However, today I was telling him about the dance teachers’ comments and he offered to take me to the gym, keep me accountable for what I’m eating, stop bringing over treats etc. to help me but as far as I was concerned, I didn’t actually feel like I needed to change so with him brining this up, while he was trying to help, just made me feel so insecure.
I really don’t want to make him feel bad but at the same time I can’t help how terrible and insecure his comments have left me and I tried to explain that to him. He did apologise but even afterwards when he told me I was beautiful it felt so empty because I just can’t get past what he said. I also hate that it made me reevaluate myself and feel uncertain with where I stand.
Am I the asshole for being upset/mad at him despite him apologising or do I have a right to feel this way??
TLDR: boyfriend told me he would help me loose the weight that I didn’t think was a problem, opened up all the insecurities that I used to have about my body
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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b04lm7
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{
"description": "wanting to go to college in my hometown",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to go to college in my hometown?
|
Me and my wife currently live ~13 hours away from my hometown, in a state I hate. Ive pretty much resigned myself to living here for the rest of my life cuz my wife would be extremely unhappy otherwise, but before I spend the rest of my life here I wanted to get a Bach degree in Computer programming and/or game design. I wanted to go to the college in my hometown since I wanted a few years in a place I love before living down here. My wife lost her sh*t when I told her and we had a huge argument over. As a sidenote, I told her I was gonna try to find a way to manage it and had no concrete plans yet.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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avt623
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay?
|
So my boyfriend and I live together and we pay everything 50/50. He will even ask money back when I forget my wallet and he has to pay 10 euro's. I am much easier with money and actually never ask anything back not even from friends. Because my boyfriend and I both have a pretty good income.
So last month he got a parkingticket while we were both in the car. I dont have a driverslicense, it is his car that he uses for work. When we go on trips I pay the gass. And now he is asking me to pay 50% of the parkingticket. Am I an asshole for saying no??
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "refusing to do a job because I dont like the way the owner wants it done",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I refuse to do a job because I dont like the way the owner wants it done.
|
I do handyman work, mostly painting, on the side. I have a long time client who happens to be my landlord and is often frustrating to work with. Currently he wants me to paint doors and trim work inside an apartment with tenants currently living there with a two year old. He is notorious for short cuts while always claiming he wants a quality product for his residents. Currently its revolving around a paint for doors and trim that doesn't cover and is a pain in the ass to work with because it sometimes takes three coats to actually cover. It's basically a pre pigmant added paint. Think the stuff they grab and then add pigmant to after you ask for a specific color.
He and I talked about it after the last job, last week, and he said he would look into getting something different for the next. The next job is Wednesday. He messaged me today and said he's keeping the old paint. I completely feel like I waste my time using this stuff not to mention I will have to work around a two year old when it's already a pain in my ass painting large portions of an apartment with people still living there. Imagine being told you cant use your only bathroom for over 5 hours because it takes two or three coats for the paint on the door to dry.
Would I be an asshole for telling him that since he still using the same stuff I wont do it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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b6l06k
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{
"description": "selling Yeezys my friend lined up 40 minutes for",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 29
}
|
AITA for selling Yeezys my friend lined up 40 minutes for
|
When a new pair of Yeezys got released, a friend of mine (let's call her Stacey) lined up 40min to buy them. When she got to the front of the line she found out they didn't have her size so she called me and asked if I wanted a pair. I said sure because I genuinely thought they were nice and wanted them (but also didn't want her to waste all her time). I got the shoes from her but didn’t pay yet and when I went home I found out she got them a size down. Stacey suddenly wants the shoes back after I say I could make a profit of off them because she went through all the trouble of buying them so she wants to resell them herself. I don't see why I should because they’re technically mine and even offered money for the trouble of lining up. Ended up having huge argument where she accused me of taking advantage of her and that if I give her money instead of the shoes we were done being friends. Was actually considering giving her the Yeeyzs back until she blew it up and gave me an ultimatum about our friendship over who resells a pair of fucking shoes.
​
She recently found out I sold them and after another argument I got so tired I offered the profits of what I made, but she responds saying that I "still don't get it" and how it shows I "don't really care".
​
She told a bunch of people about it and basically made me out to be an absurd and selfish dick to everyone. I jokingly called her a dumb bitch who couldn't sell a pair of shoes for 20$ in front of two people.
​
AITA for selling the shoes?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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a0mhpf
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{
"description": "thinking my girlfriend is milking her dad being in the hospital",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA if I think my girlfriend is milking her dad being in the hospital?
|
My girlfriend's dad, who does not like me one bit, had a stroke suddenly and had to rush to the emergency room. As of today he is still in the intensive care unit, so my girlfriend is worrying too much about him. I told her over and over he is going to be fine. He is being taken care of and her sulking is not going to make him better.
​
​
Today I told her I wanted to do some sexual stuff with her and she said she was not in the mood. I said she is never in the mood and she said she was upset because she was "worried about her dad". I think she is just using it as an excuse to get her way and get me to feel sorry for her. I don't. I don't even care.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
agwjlm
|
{
"description": "not wanting to conduct my mothers marriage ceremony",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to conduct my mothers marriage ceremony?
|
A few days ago, my mother asked me to conduct a marriage ceremony for her, since I'm ordained and can legally marry people. She has apparently been talking to a man in prison for the past 7 months, but this is was the first I heard of him.
This guy is in prison, I have no idea how they got to talking, my mom has been very vague about the whole thing. She keeps saying that it just will really help her out but I can't fathom how marrying a man in prison will help her. I think it has to do with insurance and him being native American, so he gets per cap or something.
Me and her don't have a very good relationship because she was incapable of making good decisions in the past which included staying in multiple abusive men and just overall lack of care for me and my siblings growing up.
She has already been married twice before both to emotionally/physically abusive drug addicts. The guy she has been talking to is in prison for battery but she won't tell me the details.
Now, I don't really believe that marriage is some sacred thing, but it is a legally binding government contract that can and has messed up her life and the lives of me and my siblings in the past. So I'm really worried for her and my 2 younger brother and sister who still live with her.
She has always been very emotionally abusive and I have problems with confrontation. So I feel very pressured to say yes even though I think it's wrong. Like I said, we don't have a very good relationship, but she has been helping me out with rides to work a lot lately and sort of trying in her own way to fix it, but whenever she has been nice to me like this in the past it was because she wanted something.
Her being so vague about everything is really making me question the whole thing. I feel like she might be manipulating this guy for money he probably doesn't have. She has been in a few lesbian relationships for that exact reason.
I feel like an asshole for not wanting to do it. I've heard he talk to the guy and she goes and visits him often, and it sounds like he makes her kinda happy. But it's so hard for me to believe her because of all of her lies growing up. I feel like it could just be another one of her manipulation tactics. She's very very very good at that.
I know this is probably a clear answer to most of you, but I just need a little feedback from unbiased source. I'm a real pussy when it comes to confrontation, especially with my mother. Sorry for such a long post.
TL;Dr
- Mom wants me to perform marriage ceremony to guy in prison
- I'm questioning her motives and worried for my siblings living with her because of her previous relationships
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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awux2r
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{
"description": "asking my parents to take better care of my laptop without breaking another one",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my parents to take better care of my laptop without breaking another one?
|
The last laptop I had was a Toshina and I loved to pieces, I had it from 2013 and took amazing care of it. By 2017, it was still working perfectly as I take really good care of my things.
My parents broke theirs and asked if they could use mine; because I didn’t use it much anymore I said ok. Within a few months, the screen was cellotaped to the keyboard in order to keep it working, the keys were incredibly dirty and the trackpad was.. sticky?
Needless to say, they broke it around December last year. My dad lifts it by the screen off the floor, tables etc so it’s no wonder. They asked if they could use my new laptop I got for school in August, so I said ok.
I went to use it there and the thing is a shitheap. The screen is all dirty, keyboard is sticky/dirty, and it took 5 minutes + to log into my account.
My dad (Gen X parent) watches those free football streams online that he used to find off a subreddit, and everytime he watches one we get notifications like “Norton AntiVirus found (insert dodgy name here) web attack”. It’s slowed the whole computer down to barely useable.
I had a go at them, asking to take better care before it ends up in the bin like the last one, and my dad told me I was just picking a fight over nothing, and he’ll stop lifting it by the screen.
AITA or should I just let this go?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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6uaxZNVYNFZm8jD6JpOoMZ0qkbB9Z6Wu
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9y5env
|
{
"description": "bringing a girl to a party where my ex was",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for bringing a girl to a party where my ex was?
|
So my ex had broken up with me roughly 3 months prior after a rough relationship but we soon decided to be friends. A few months after I started talking to someone and brought her to a party my ex was at. I didn't know how to tell my ex or even if I should tell her that I was seeing someone new beforehand. The girl I brought kissed me in front of my ex and then my ex got pissed and left the party for a bit and has been been furious at me since that day.
My ex isn't a bad person. The relationship didnt work because it just didn't. I honestly had no idea what to do and it went to shit anyway. AITA in this case?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b0lokv
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{
"description": "not wanting Snapchats from my friend after she had sex",
"pronormative_score": 76,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting Snapchats from my friend after she had sex?
|
So I'm a guy and she's at uni, I'm on my gap year. Recently she started seeing a guy and keeps making it painfully obvious that he's "the Irish version of me". I thought, great, that's fine none of my business and I'm glad she's moving on. We had a small on and off thing in school a few years back but still managed to stay friends after.
Anyway, recently she keeps sending me Snapchats at ungodly hours of them both in bed clearly naked (under the covers) after what I'd assume was them having sex. The sends wierd messages with them like "this guy woke me up at 2am!" or just one word messages like "hi" or "happy". Mind you this is usually out of the blue and we haven't been talking for at least 6 or 7 hours or even a couple days.
To me it seems like she's trying to purposefully show off that she's having sex with this guy, I don't really care I just think it's weird to send that sort of thing to anyone. So I confronted her, told her I don't like it and it makes me uncomfortable and now she's mad at me saying I should be a better friend. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
{
"description": "kicking out a couple who brought their baby and toddler to my wedding because I wanted a child-free event",
"pronormative_score": 337,
"contranormative_score": 82
}
|
AITA for kicking out a couple who brought their baby and toddler to my wedding because I wanted a child-free event?
|
This couple I’m not very close with but the wife is a long-time family friend so I felt that I should invite her. To be clear, all of my invitations stated that there were to be no children at this wedding. But she and her husband showed up with their infant and toddler (who I think is like 3-4).
At the actual wedding ceremony, I let it slide. I was preoccupied for obvious reasons. I also thought that maybe they planned not to attend the reception or to have someone pick the kids up before it started. (My niece, who was our flower girl, and a few other kids who had to be at the wedding for one reason or another we’re getting picked up/dropped off after the ceremony ended).
Anyway the reception rolls around (I’m fast forwarding through irrelevant details about the wedding but it was beautiful and everything went as smoothly as could be expected). The couple comes and, lo and behold, they still have their children.
I had many other guests and didn’t really feel like dealing with it so I asked our event planner to go over to them and discuss whether someone was picking up the child as the reception (and wedding, frankly!) were not supposed to have children.
I mean, everyone was drinking and loud and rowdy and a crying child and another little one running around was not part of the plan. (The infant already had to be taken out once during the wedding ceremony because of fussiness and the toddler was, from what I could see, already appearing cranky).
My event planner went to talk to the couple. I could tell they were arguing with my event planner though so I went over to help him. I think they thought I came to rescue them because they started going on about how rude my event planner was. I explained that I had actually sent him over to discuss the children. I reiterated that the event was child-free and said that I had stated so clearly on my invitations.
The wife gave a sort of apology and then assured me that they were capable of minding their own children to make sure they didn’t get in the way of anything. I said that wasn’t really the point. That’s when my now-husband comes over and he and the other woman’s husband begin going back and forth and things got a little heated.
Finally I snapped and said that they just needed to go, which, thankfully they did without much more noise. Still, the whole scene was incredibly embarrassing which is exactly what I wanted to avoid.
I really hate that my wedding day had to be somewhat marred by this incident. According to my mother, everyone was talking about it and I guess enjoying a little dramatic entertainment.
Was I the a-hole for making them leave?
**Edit 1: Wow um this kind of blew up out of nowhere. Thank you all so much for the feedback. What I’ve gotten from this is that most people think that the couple was rude. There are also a select few who feel that it’s assholish to have a kid-free wedding at all which is...interesting.**
**By way of an update, I have now learned that a few family members felt that it was inappropriate of me to kick out the couple. (The wife apparently is still angry about getting kicked out and the husband is FALSELY telling people that we threatened to call the cops on them). No one has said anything directly to me though.**
**Anyway the feedback here has helped me not to feel guilty about that and just realize that not everyone has the same ideas about tact and manners.**
**Edit 2: Well apparently this went somewhat viral and has now been in articles on Fox News, DailyMail, and Yahoo News. Many thanks to those in the comments who let me know! I had used a throwaway account to stay anonymous and lowkey, but I guess that’s out the window lol. No point in deleting now, so whoever sees it, sees it 🤷♀️
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 50,
"OTHER": 328,
"EVERYBODY": 32,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 8
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 337,
"WRONG": 82
}
|
RIGHT
|
w2ZzpJiNDJeFHJXdTBpDeyUsnBSCjdaF
|
ao4l0w
|
{
"description": "telling my partner to get a job",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA Telling my partner to get a job?
|
Me and my partner have been together for 8 years, and are pretty inseparable, I am the step dad to her little girl, and consider her my own.
We met at university, she dropped out after about a year and I continued on for a second before also leaving. Her reasons for leaving were pretty much a nervous breakdown caused by some pretty nasty family problems, but that's another story. My reasons were financial.
I have been the sole provider of income for the house, on an income that barely allows us to scrape by. In fact, if anything we have just accumulated a lot of debt (I also inherited some of her debt and worked to pay it off initially)
For all but 3 months of our relationship I have worked while she stayed at home. She has been seeing a psychologist for years now, and I have been as understanding as possible to try and help her through the things she has been dealing with, offering her all the time in the world to study, or train or do whatever she wanted.
Things came to a head last year when my mum got stage 3 breast cancer, although I'm not proud to admit it, coupled with the stress of everything else, it got the better of me and I had a hard breakdown. My company was great and helped a lot, but ultimately I have had to leave (last week).
Today we have nothing, and a huge pile of debt getting bigger by the day. She told me she had agreed to volunteer at one of our daughters school groups on a regular basis, and I lost it.
I asked why she couldn't do what I was doing, and search for work, stating that I too couldn't cope and yet was fully expected to just get on with it - my work has never been glamorous, and the jobs I am applying for aren't exactly what you would call dream jobs, but she says she can't and that although she is getting better her confidence hasn't returned to a point where she can sell herself enough to get a job.
She asked for help writing a CV, I told her that although I'd help it had to be her to write it, and to be honest with my own job hunt I have been pre occupied. Today she told me it was my fault as she has been asking me to help her with a CV for a long time, and I lost it. I told her that she had no choice. She had to get a job, that I didnt care if it was a terrible job, but that we have literally £10 to our name and no income, we have reached the point where she doesn't have the choice anymore..
So she screamed, smashed plates and left the house crying hysterically. I know that for my part, I could have been more proactive in helping her, that is definite, I am also struggling hard at the moment though and keeping it together on a daily basis feels almost impossible.
Should I have pushed her.. Or AITA? I really can't tell anymore, but I love her and if I'm wrong I want to know. I can't bare the thought of her breaking down again.
TLDR; girlfriend and I both suffering mental health issues, I expect her to find work regardless as that's what I have to do to survive
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
mAU05Etjo8AlVkOrCNaQJ8aaSpQB2QSy
|
aqottv
|
{
"description": "trying to ruin her marriage",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for trying to ruin her marriage?
|
So, a little background. Names have been changed for obvious reasons.
I had been dating/living with a guy named John for about 4 years. His sister Jane married her high school sweetheart, David. David was smart, kind and had supported her through multiple career changes, medical problems, and just seemed to be a great dude overall. Jane was a little ditsy, spoiled and selfish, and even John had said privately to me that he thought David could do better. He was very close to his family and so we spent a lot of time together.
We learned through a mutual friend that before they had married, Jane had gotten cold feet and cheated on David with one of her former coworkers. She had broken it off shortly after, claiming that she had just wanted to "see what it was like" to be intimate with another man. Fast forward 6 months after the wedding, and she's carrying on a new affair with a new coworker, who also happened to be married. She confided in that same friend that she felt this undeniable attraction to him and that they had discussed leaving their SOs to start fresh.
This was all very shocking to hear, but I definitely did not want to get involved. I hoped she would put poor David out of his misery soon and just leave him because it was clear to me that she didn't deserve him. However, this carried on for months. Jane played the victim and it seemed to me that her family was completely enabling her behavior. Their parents just wanted Jane to be happy with seemingly no regard for their son-in-law. Jane's best friend it turned out, had encouraged her to cheat because "you'll always be curious at what could've been". At one point, it seemed like everyone but David knew that she was cheating on him. She claimed that she tried to tell David, but he never wanted to talk. From my perspective, at every family dinner I went to with them, it seemed like David would always try to joke around a little and lighten the obvious tension, but she would cross her arms and roll her eyes and make things uncomfortable for everyone.
While this was all happening, it started to create some tension in me and John's relationship. John and I had been together a long time and I felt like I could trust him to appreciate my honesty on the matter. I told him that I felt his sister was being a really shitty human being and that David deserved better. She still hadn't decided if she wanted to work things out with David or if she wanted to leave him for the new guy. I thought that David deserved the truth and if at that point he decided to stay and work things out, then so be it. I tried to push John to talk some sense into his sister, but he didn't want the confrontation. John felt I was too opinionated on the matter and that it was none of my business. I tried to convey to him that I saw a parallel between me and David and I was scared that if I was to one day marry into this family, they would turn a blind eye to poor behavior by Jane and John, and David and I would always be treated like outsiders. I admitted that I was frustrated to the point that I wished I could just call David up and spill the beans. I didn't because I knew that it would be the end of me and John if I had. I just tried to avoid the subject whenever possible, and I also started to avoid seeing his family when I could.
Fast forward another 6 months and it appeared that Jane and David were working things out. Jane had never come clean about the affair, but she was now pregnant with (probably) David's baby. John and I were on the rocks, and it culminated in a fight where I expressed I could never trust or respect his family for how they'd behaved. John would always make excuses for them or just not want to talk about it. Culturally, as the child, it would be his responsibility to take care of his parents as they aged. We had shared finances, and as the primary breadwinner in our relationship, I began to dread this part of my future if I stayed with John. I ended it with John, and almost immediately called David to tell him what I knew.
David did not take the news well. Apparently he had heard all these "rumors" before and had confronted Jane about them. Jane denied them and he believed her. He seemed insulted that I would dare make these crazy accusations about his beloved wife. I told John what I'd done, and he also went into damage control mode. He called David and told him not to believe anything I'd said and that I was angry because we had just broken up.
Fast forward another 6 months, John and I are in contact now (as friends), but he has stated that he can never forgive me for betraying his trust and telling David. He told me his entire family hates me for trying to ruin Jane and David's relationship. They thought I had no business interfering, particularly because Jane was pregnant with his baby. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
jHrYBdzr57DIOC9hk0x8fCzHQFiaT5Bx
|
aad6b5
|
{
"description": "not making my older sister a sandwich",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not making my older sister a sandwich?
|
I was hungry so I made myself a ham and cheese sandwich, and right when I started eating it my older sister tells me "You couldn't have offered to make me one?" So that I would make her one also. I tell her "Dude just make one, the bread ect. Is right here" she then tells me how no I should have offered to make her one and made me feel bad about it. AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
ou8mgXY61NrzbMfxXgMcXslJNZzCkK3u
|
aunygd
|
{
"description": "not helping my parents with house work",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not helping my parents with house work?
|
Three weeks ago, my parents asked my to help them with cleaning and working on the roof of their second house they want to sell. I told them that I would try to get off work that day but there was no guarantee. I tried to get anyone to cover my shift, but no one could, not even my boss. I told them the day before that I couldn't come. Ever since then they have been very angry with me, and will be taking my truck tonight. This will disable me from working my two jobs. So, AITA for not wanting to skip my job and help my parents?
Background: I'm a 21 year old college student who works two jobs doing around 50-55 hours a week every day with hardly any day/time off. I live with my friends in an apartment. Parents also work all the time, and have little free time.
Background 2: I wanted to take this semester off, to save money and work on myself and come back in the summer semester. Parents blackmailed me into going to school by threatening to take my vehicle. It's still under their name for insurance purposes even though I payed them fairly for it 5 years ago. I have to pay the school for the classes I'm taking. My parents disagree with my lifestyle (they don't like my girlfriend or liberal mindset) and are trying their best to control me and keep me in college. I want to learn and graduate soon, I just needed to save more money to keep going. Now I'm working too much to even focus on classes I'm paying for this semester.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
X3nW9Fa0eZl7dw1c6dZo75RDHm09vXGP
|
b327hf
|
{
"description": "not going in to work on my two days off",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going in to work on my two days off.
|
So ill keep this short and frigging simple.
I work at a car dealership and run their carwash as well as detail cars on the side. Recently the car wash has been breaking down alot. Before on storm days or or when it was a quick fix id come in one of my days off to make up the hours, which are Monday and Tuesday. Sometimes id just come in and clean it up or help coworkes detail cars the same day.
Last weekend it was broke down all weekend. Theres noone else there on the weekends so I can't go in. Then monday they asked me if i was coming in, i said no. Ended up going to watch the guy finally fix the wash as noone else was there from 5-9. That was fine. Didn't complain.
Then today they texted me again and asked if i was coming in. I said no my shifts are Wednesday-Sunday. Im sick of ending up working a bunch of days in a row because the car wash keeps breaking down. I understand I lose out on money but thats not a big concern to me. They tried to claim I was "in" today. Almost as if it is expected of me now. I told them its not my fault the car wash broke down and these are my scheduled days off.
No one else is held to these standars. Other people miss days and they dont have to go in on their days off. Now i think theyre all pissed off at me because the guy who covers me on Monday and Tuesday had to cover me on....Monday and Tuesday...
The guy who was telling me im in isnt even one of my bosses. I havent heard from my boss all day i really doubt he cares in the slightest.
AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
IfnbfYb9C1JnyZHEEoo1SIR9vaVZSJH1
|
anjapd
| null |
AITA - my partner has asked if his brother could stay with us for a while and I said that I wasn’t sure.
|
My partner’s brother recently relapsed on meth and wants to get away from where he is currently living as he blames that situation on the reason why he relapsed.
I really don’t feel comfortable having him stay at our house if we aren’t home however my mother and sister made me feel guilty about it. They asked how I would feel if roles were reversed - would I let my sister stay? Truth be told, if my sister was using meth my answer would be exactly the same. I suggested that maybe he needs to go to a rehab facility instead.
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KdjXNQWSGNABiKIOsHzGzz3ukMp1a0gw
|
acu3gp
|
{
"description": "cutting ties with my father",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting ties with my father?
|
I was diagnosed with Aspergers (or Autism 1 as it’s now called I believe) at the age of 7. For those of you who don’t know, Aspergers is on the higher functioning end of the autism spectrum, and someone with it normally exhibits anti social tendencies, angry behaviour, sometimes higher intelligence, a tendency to become obsessed with certain things, etc.
So as a young kid I was hard to deal with, admittedly. My behaviour was unacceptable, but no one was helping me. When I was a kid, they didn’t really have any emotional support classes, they would just throw kids like me into special ed classes. So while I was learning multiplication the other kids in the class were learning the months of the year through song. When I would have an outburst the only thing they were trained to do was yell and send me to the principal.
Now my parents got divorced when I was 8 and I lived with my mom until I was 11 when she sent me to live with him again.
Whenever I would have an outburst, act a way he didn’t like, etc he would scream. Like I was the scum of the earth. He would threaten me. He didn’t put his hands on me (if you don’t count pushing) until I was 14 when he hit me. He took my mom to court for emergency custody because she asked for child support. He looked me in the eyes and told me he didn’t want me. He lied to his side of the family about what happened when he hit me (conveniently leaving out the part where he hit me) to make me look like the asshole. He would get sick of me talking about things I liked and would scream at me for watching things like Doctor Who because I “watched it too much” or “mention the ninja turtles one more time and you’re grounded” We went to therapy weekly, and when my brother and I would complain about they way they treated us “I can’t tell them anything unless you’re a danger to yourself of others” “let me get mom and dad in here before you go” then she’d tell them everything we said and we’d get screamed at so we ended up just having to keep our mouth shut which negates the reason for therapy. Off subject, he also came downstairs and pointed his semi automatic with laser sight at me and my brother as a joke, we had no idea it wasn’t loaded. It was a legit fear that we would go downstairs for a drink one night, he’d think we’re an intruder and he’d shoot us. Anyway
He didn’t know how to handle my disorder, but he had almost 10 years to do so. Go on google.
Do some research. Realize your army training doesn’t work with someone like me. Realize I’m not normal.
TL;DR - Dad treated me like garbage for not being “normal” and lied to family about things he did to get them on his side.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
pJnrsvsbxEUWjp0dMxpqDGTyPGcOMWt3
|
a6k6y4
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pick my boyfriend up at 1am from the airport",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pick my boyfriend up at 1am from the airport ?
|
My boyfriend was on vacation for three weeks and his flight gets in at 11:15pm. It’s international so he’d have to go through customs and wait for his luggage (big city airport). He planned to take me out after my work the next day.
Well, my commute is 1:45-2 hours one way if we go to his apt after I pick him up. I’d need to get up at 6:30 to make it to work on time at 9:30. So I’ll be on say 4 hours of sleep and my job is complex.
So I said that I didn’t really want to pick him up at jfk at midnight for those reasons. Now he’s mad and cancelled the date.
AITA for not making a midnight airport run to jfk on a work night ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Y3d2wJz0osDwJWNoGprrvGvCSLpJ7ydL
|
a28ou5
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend I'd be less attracted to him for getting a tattoo",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend I’d be less attracted to him for getting a tattoo?
|
I saw a similar post earlier so I thought I’d ask a question that’s been nagging me.
For my entire life, for some odd reason, I have had an aversion to most tattoos. Ever since I was a child and my mom was skimming through a magazine I’d see a tattoo and say “eeew what is that?” For some reason this has followed me to adulthood and about 90% of tattoos I don’t like and yes, are a big turn off. Such a turn off that seeing or thinking of a particular tattoo can completely ruin my sex drive.
My boyfriend on the other hand has one tattoo and has interest in getting more. He knows how I feel about tattoos but wants them anyways.
Here’s the kicker:
I have absolutely no problem with him getting a tattoo. It is his body and he can do whatever he wants with it, and if it means getting a tattoo, go for it. And one day he asked me, “Would you be less attracted to me if I had [insert tattoo here]” and I answered truthfully, and said yes.
TLDR: Am I the asshole for being completely honest with my boyfriend by telling him I’d be less attracted to him for getting a tattoo but being completely okay with him still getting one?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KDwzlBb9AnHM6bGRjKsrxAhvPH08OnOp
|
9z7g19
|
{
"description": "agreeing to help a member of the opposite sex study for a difficult exam while being in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for agreeing to help a member of the opposite sex study for a difficult exam while being in a relationship?
|
Basically, my boyfriend and me have a policy of not getting too friendly with members of the opposite sex. Throughout the course of our relationship I've cut off all ties with my male friends so that my boyfriend wouldn't feel threatened about losing me to someone. I mostly agree with such an arrangement, since life is all about trade-offs: by giving up some not-so-important relationships, I in turn receive unconditional attention and care whenever I need it.
However, today things have gotten a little too messed up for me. A guy from my course messaged me asking me to help him grasp a certain university subject (I had already helped his female friend with that). Without giving it too much thought, I agreed - he had never been even close to flirty with me and I never saw him as a romantic interest. Then my boyfriend found out about this and flipped out, so I invited the aforementioned female to come study with me and the guy as well, so that this would seem less personal and threatening to my special other.
My boyfriend is still being really cold with me, I've been feeling anxious to the point where I cannot concentrate on anything the entire day, I've tried explaining things to my man, he won't listen, is his annoyance justified? Am I the villain here? Please help.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
OPKUL0nQOjhx6n89yfJ9pTtLbzLQf51J
|
9w107s
|
{
"description": "wanting to have good time with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to have good time with my friend?
|
Ok so I’m staying over at my best friends house over the weekend. As I’ve done so many times but Ive never had a car, And I just recently got my very own one. And he doesn’t want to do anything, and it’s killing me. I came here to spend a good time with him and go out and eat explore and have fun.but all he wants to do is stay at home and play video games (which we do all most everydayfor hours). Every time I tell him does he want to go out anywhere, or any distance he says no. I have to beg him to do anything, I have offered to let him drive and he still just wants to stay at home. I offer to pay for everything and all I want is him to just tag along. But a couple hours ago we got into a little argument, I asked him does he want to go a mountain peek that I’ve been begging him to go for a while now, and he said no I’m too tired. I was so angry at him for not even acknowledging what I want to do or how I feel, so that’s exactly what I told him. I told him how he is selfish and never cares what I think. Even though I drove 3 hours just to hang out with him and see him. I dont feel like I’m asking for much, just a little bit of effort like he wants to actually hang out instead of sitting on his fat ass all day.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
JKtrMnJEfWTW29tD1PwjzLE8ZbPy3OTE
|
augcai
|
{
"description": "saying \"left SIDE PASS left SIDE PASS\" and also for asking some people if they're beginners",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying "LEFT SIDE PASS LEFT SIDE PASS" and also for asking some people if they're beginners?
|
I dance West Coast Swing. Yesterday we had a workshop and then a social. Before the workshop was a beginner lesson. During the workshop, we worked on fun stuff with the left side pass. One of my friends kept turning to his right side, so I told him "LEFT SIDE PASS. LEFT SIDE PASS." After that he did it correctly. Another friend of mine said it comes off as rude; my friend whom I corrected didn't find it rude, though. Some people in the workshop also had zero idea of what they were doing. I asked them if they were beginners. The same friend who said "LEFT SIDE PASS" comes off as rude said that asking people if they're beginners comes off as condescending; I had only intended to ask a question; I wasn't trying to be condescending. AITA? Or is my friend just sensitive and uptight?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TRdD9ElhGgOIpmKbxZDsmkzERgcEI3Zk
|
ahvrfh
| null |
AITA For Apparently Being A Toxic Bf
|
Ok so I have been "digital friends" with this girl and one day I asked her out it took a while for her to respond but eventually she said yes as back then I used to roleplay (ik creepy) I asked if she can rp put on a collar she asked me why and I said it would be hot as I have a slave kink (weird as fuck right) So We End Up dating for like a year or so and we break up I really loved this girl and she still is on my mind after all this time I think she ends up telling her friends that I'm a controlling bf and that I wouldn't let her talk and Everytime I asked her to explain she would apologize for telling her friends we got back together since I still loved her and she still loved me she dumped me again and told her friends again I ask her why and she apologizes again and we get back together the very last time she ends up dumping me and telling hers and now my friends that I was a complete dick and a controlling asshole which is why I left the roleplaying community it has left me in a depressed state and later I found out she was cheating on me I am still hurt by it years later and here's a bonus question am I a controlling bf
(This is my first post on Reddit lmao)
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b0op53
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{
"description": "thinking about my personal goals now that I have a new born daughter",
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|
AITA for thinking about my personal goals now that I have a new born daughter?
|
So basically, I am a first time dad (22) living with my wife Nat who is also a first time parent (21) and my beautiful baby Amy who's barely a month old. Now, my greatest passions in life were playing soccer (since i was once a semiprofessional player in high school) and playing xbox online (big time halo and gears fan). But now I really love my baby, she's very small and I feel like i owe my life to her. I enjoy sleeping besides her, feeding her and carrying her. I work full time (since i dropped out of college) so I stopped playing xbox and soccer and that was WAY before my daughter was born and during the time Nat was pregnant. I'm not the world's greatest dad, but I do my best to help Nat out as much as possible, I clean Amy's bottles, prepare her things for bath time and to other things like the dishes and laundry. Throughout the day, when I feel that I'm finished with my daily chores and when Amy is sleeping and once Nat is relaxing I'll try to workout because my inactivity has made me gain weight and now I'm not even the shadow of the fit player I used to be. And on my days off at night I'll try to crack some skulls online. However, lately Nat has been saying I play too much and that I prefer playing xbox over Amy. When you play online, you can't simply pause and yet, I'll drop anything I'm doing to carry Amy. She also says I'm selfish for working out and that I should do that when Amy's older. She even told my mom (40) about it and she agreed so now both of them have made me feel bad. There's a soccer tournament next month at my office and I've thought about dropping out since I haven't played in a long time and apparently can't train nor work out. Have I been that wrong all this time?
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HISTORICAL
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avionf
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{
"description": "reporting former teacher on FB",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 26
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|
AITA Reporting former teacher on FB
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My high school speech and debate teacher from 7 years ago posted on FB pictures of two of her boys in the bathtub. They're both really young (3 and 1 or 2 years old) and they were both naked in clear bathwater. You couldn't see their genitalia, but you could see EVERYTHING else, including their bottom.
Most of the post said (I don't have the last part of the post), "Confession... I don't bath little kids. Well, I do when l have to, but otherwise [husband] bathes them. He's handled bath time with all three boys from infancy until they understand when we say "lean your head back." It's just something that I don't care for and Nick has stepped up and taken over. Tonight will be the second night this week that I tackle this..."
And I saw this, and I had a number of issues with it (explained throughout). So I sent my former teacher a message on FB. We had a pretty good relationship when I was in high school so I didn't feel too weird reaching out, but I also know that telling a parent how to parent is a huge no no.
I said "Hi [teacher]! I hope you're doing well. I'm in my first year of law school at [American law school] right now and staying busy! I know it's not really my place to mention this, but I noticed the pictures of your kids in the bath you posted the other day on FB today. If my parents did that to me (and FB existed when I was your kids age) I would be absolutely mortified and feel like my privacy was violated beyond reason. Nothing on the internet goes away, as I'm sure you know, especially as a teacher, and I wouldn't personally want pictures of me as a child out there with no clothing on. Once again, you're the parent and it's absolutely your prerogative in what you think is best for your children and what you want your 1,100 Facebook friends to know about them. The more I've learned in law school and from my undergrad degree the more I realize just how little privacy rights Americans have in general. I saw a good Forbes article the other day about the impact data has on kid's futures and thought it was relevant. http://www.forbes.com/sites/jessicabaron/2018/12/16/parents-who-post-about-their-kids-online-could-be-damaging-their-futures/
I hope you and your family is doing well though!"
I reported it to FB after I sent the message. She didn't reply to me, but I didn't really expect her to (she did read it). FB removed the post later as it did violate their Community Standards.
Today I saw that she posted something that said "I’m out of Facebook jail! 🙌🏻 I was blocked because I posted a few pics of my kids in the bath, no nudity shown, doting on my husband for his endless help bathing our kiddos. Dumb. 🙄"
I didn't realize it would give her a temporary ban. I don't think I did the wrong thing by reporting it, but you can do the right thing and still be an asshole in my opinion. So the question is AITA?
tl;rd I reported an old teacher for posting naked pictures of her kids on Facebook.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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b38q76
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{
"description": "wanting a better significant other",
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|
AITA for wanting a better significant other(SO)?
|
Been sick and off work past two nights. SO doesn't want to get sick because she is a nurse. They called her off work tonight so we both happen to be off. During our txt convo, she asked if I needed anything and I told her I didn't think so and that I just took some meds. She then continued on to say soup would help and then I thought that would be a good idea. I wanted to finish what I was doing at that moment so some time went by and I went to check to see what soup I had.
Decided on TOM YUM soup but didn't have any coconut milk. Asked my SO through txt if she had any at her house. She said she wasn't sure but wasn't at home to check and was headed to the gym. No problem. I told her ok and made a flirtatious remark about her working that booty out at the gym. No response. Over 2 hours later still nothing from her so I called. First call, she doesn't answer. I then sent a txt with a question mark. She called me right back and was at the bar with her friends. I didn't even care that she was at the bar but I was hurt that she didn't think to call or txt me after she left the gym. It also seemed shady. When I spoke to her while she was at the bar, she said,"Was I suppose to bring you the milk?" I just told her never mind and that I'd pick the milk up from her house then hung up.
I'm pretty hurt by this given that our relationship has been rocky (going on about 3 years) and whenever she left the bar, she still didn't bother to call or txt. I ended up having to call her back and trying to explain that her bringing the milk by or me picking it up from her house was a nice way to see her for just the moment and that it would've put me in a good mood. She then said I PROMPTLY told her I didn't need anything and she translated that to "f\*\*\* off" and therefore did not want to bother me. Not sure how you translate "I don't think I need anything" to "F\*\*\* off" but that's how she translated it. I don't understand whats going on or why this all got turned on me when she was the one that asked if I needed anything. AITA for wanting a better SO that I can communicate better with?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "purposely advocating for the least popular consensus in these posts",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
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WIBTA If I purposely advocated for the least popular consensus in these posts?
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I mean, it's great to get unanimous NTAs or YTAs, but do you think it would be productive to argue from the other perspective? OR would this just be considered trolling? Because in every situation, there's never a clear asshole. We only ever hear the perspective of the poster, which more often than not, is made to flatter themselves.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "having this financial view on vacation",
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"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for having this financial view on vacation?
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My gf and I are starting our new jobs. We have MASSIVE amounts of debt but we both have jobs where we can live comfortably and make good sized payments on our student loans.
Now because of social media she constantly sees all our other friends in our field going on lavish vacations and what not. She recently shared that she was jealous of all our friends and wished we went on vacation. Now I realize vacation is important but right now we're getting paid a per diem from our company. So my justification to hold off on vacation is that our vacations at the moment actually cost double. We have to pay for the vacation and we don't get paid for the days that we don't work.
She told me that's not how she viewed it. That vacation was vacation she doesn't worry about that money cause she was never going to get it any way. It got a tiny bit heated and I told her that I thought her view was financially irresponsible.
Should I view vacation more leniently?
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HISTORICAL
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{
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|
AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want his incel friend to be his best man?
|
So me and my partner have been together for over 4 years and he proposed to me a few months ago. We’ve had our ups and downs like any normal couple. The biggest point of friction has been his incel best friend but it's never been a dealbreaker for the relationship just friction. When he told me he wanted that guy to be his best man I told him I don’t feel comfortable with that and don’t want that guy as a best man end of story.
Now I didn’t do this without reason. I’m sure some of the unlucky ladies here will understand the situation of creepy friends of boyfriends. This is that scenario. The more I got to know this friend the less comfortable I felt around him. He’s over 35, complete virgin and never had a single relationship with a man, woman or whatever. Doesn’t own any pets and lives alone. I get the biggest incel vibe from him and that makes me uncomfortable. I’ve even looked at the incel subreddits and some of those people seem to have very unhealthy views which makes me even more uncomfortable. I’ve brought up that creepiness many times, but my fiance just doesn’t see it, but they’ve know each other since primary school plus most guys don’t pick up on that.
As a replacement I suggested one of his other close friends who he has known just as long but is happily married with a kid on the way. Or I’d even consider compromising and let him potentially choose my maid of honour from a list. I feel like this is more appropriate for a wedding to have people who know what it’s like to be in a loving relationship supporting the bride and groom.
My fiancé says it’s his choice and won’t budge on the choice but I believe both of us have to be completely comfortable with each other’s respective best man and maid of honour.
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HISTORICAL
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b6kl3r
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"description": "getting mad at my best friend because he always makes fun of my height",
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|
AITA for getting mad at my best friend because he always makes fun of my height?
|
sorry im posting from phone so format might be all weird, but please bear with me. also please forgive my English.
some backstory before i start. im a short guy, like 5'4 short, and ive always hated myself for being short. my height has always given me problems with it comes to dating, and i was bullied for being short when i was young. now im 19 and i have alot of troubles when it comes to making friends. as a kid my parents always moved around (we travelled because of my father's work) and i have 0 friends. he is the only person i can call my best friend and i love him so much. when we are alone we have such good conversations and i trust him with things i cant tell other people and just enjoy his company. ive also told him about how insecure i am about my height.
for some reason tho, he still makes fun of my height on the daily (not when we are alone tho), and i laugh at them because i know that they are jokes. we make fun of each other alot, but we always respect boundaries. lately tho, he has been taking it too far, and these "jokes" dont sound like jokes anymore. it feels like he is actually belittling and making me feel bad on purpose. he sees how uncomfortable i am and i have asked him to stop twice before. he usually only makes fun of my height when we are around other people(especially girls).
so today we were sitting with 2 other girls, and i am kinda hitting it off with this girl, until he starts with the short people jokes. he called me names like "Chinese midget", "midget Bruce Lee", and similar things(we are not asian, but i kinda have the eyes) i kinda fake laughed at them cz i didnt want to seem like a stuck up prude infront of the girls, and the girls were laughing at me too. the time came when i had to walk them to the bus, and he suddenly says "sighguy0_, why are you taking so much space of the sidewalk when youre only 2 centimetres tall?" this is where i got mad and told him off infront of everyone. he got mad at me for getting mad (like wtf??) and stormed off with the 2 girls.
so tell me reddit, am i the asshole here?
P.S: sorry if the "i kinda have the eyes" sounds rude. i dont mean to be rude.
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HISTORICAL
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{
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|
WIBTA if I call out my cousin over damaging my property even though she may get physical hit because of it?
|
(Using throwaway)
I am [M18], my sister is [F22], my cousin is [F7] and her parents are [M and F both mid 30s].
So my cousin and her parents came over yesterday. She was bored so was hanging out in my room playing with my things. I was busy with things so I wasn’t really paying much attention to her but then I noticed that she was playing with my pillow. (My pillow is a special cooling gel memory foam pillow which costs about $50 but was old so a little damaged in some places.)
So basically my cousin was playing with it and just picking at where there are holes. When I saw her doing this, I told her to stop otherwise it will damage the pillow further. She said okay.
After some time I noticed her still doing it so this time I told her more sternly and she said she’ll stop.
I came back later to find my pillow completely destroyed and unusable, significantly worse than before. My cousin was still in the room and playing with something else. I confronted her asking what happened to the pillow and she flat out lied saying it was like this from the beginning and she didn’t touch it at all. I asked her why she lied, and told her to accept that she broke the pillow. Instead she got super defensive again and ran out of the room.
Now I know she did this, so was going to go tell her parents so they could scold her and teach her the right thing. However on the way I ran into my sister so I told her what happened. My sister stopped me from telling on my cousin, saying that she is just a kid and I should forgive her. I argued that she needed to learn the consequences of not messing with other people’s items but my sister said that if I told my cousin’s parents what she did, they would smack her. My sister claims that the only reason my cousin didn’t own up to her mistake was because she was scared her parents would find out and hit her, so that’s why she denied it. I do know that her parents do occasionally smack her even if it is only light slaps but IMO that is still physical violence.
So now I’m not sure what to do. I don’t care about the money and I don’t want my cousin to be hit but at the same time I think my cousin needs to learn a lesson (not physically) because right now she’s faced absolutely no consequences.
So WIBTA for calling out my cousin?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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|
AITA for not being with my friend
|
Before i say anything, i just want to apologies for my layout as this is the first time I've posted to Reddit.
Ok, so I'll start with some back story, I'm in year 9 (I'm 14 for those who don't live in the UK) and at lunch we can go anywhere we want but you can't eat in the majority of the school.
so my friend and i usually sat outside, which was fine for a while but now I've started hanging out with my best friend more (we drifted apart for a few months but now we're really close again). And ever since I've tried to sit with her sometimes, but every time I do she always brings up that I'm not sitting with her so much and it makes me feel really bad and she is constantly guilt tripping me.
However there have been times where she has threatened our friendship (as she says) "snip snip, cut a bitch out" . I don't say anything about it but sometimes it make me unconformable. But today she asked if we could sit together and when I said i have a band practise to go to she started say "of course you are, you never sit with us" (I have sat with her this week i make sure too). my best fried says that i should be forced to sit with her and that shes in the wrong but i think that my best friend is biased so;
AITA for not always sitting with my friend
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not taking my friend his keys after he left them in my car",
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|
AITA for not taking my friend his keys after he left them in my car?
|
For a little backstory, I'm currently a high school senior, and every morning my friends and I congregate in my car before the first bell rings so we can finish homework/talk without having to sit in the commons of our school, which are usually really crowded in the mornings. This also happened today, and today also happened to be a half day as it is the week for finals for my school.
Basically what happened this morning was that my friend's car keys had fallen out of his pocket when he got in the car, and I didn't notice that they were there until after I had gotten really close to my home, which is about 30 minutes away from our school. The moment I noticed I had them, I called him, but he didn't reply until about 10 minutes later. At this point, I wasn't really willing to drive all the way back to school, and told him to call his parents to give him a key, and that I could give him his keys tomorrow. I later called him back and told him that if I really needed to drive to school to give him his keys that I could, but that I would prefer not to, and he said that his mom was on her way with an extra key.
The more I think about this the worse I feel, and I'm trying to decide how to feel about the scenario still, as I feel like the blame can go in multiple ways for what happened.
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HISTORICAL
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attx2v
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{
"description": "cutting this friend out of my life",
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|
AITA for cutting this friend out of my life?
|
I've had this friend for quite a few months. She didn't really have any friends, so I started spending time with her.
People didn't seem to like her, and she was alone most of the time, so I felt kind of bad for her. I thought she seemed pretty intelligent, had interesting things to say, and I just assumed she was misunderstood and didn't realise how she was coming across to people.
Anyway, I've completely changed my opinion on her now. It turns out there's a good reason for most people disliking her. She's REALLY been rubbing me the wrong way for a long time, and I couldn't figure out what it was, so I felt bad for it. But I've figured it out.
She seems to genuinely think she's some kind of superior, intellectual being. She acts like other people are all stupid, naive, mindless sheep. She seems to think we're all beneath her. She's never actually said any of this, but it really comes across that way in her behaviour and things she says.
Also, she takes everything so seriously all the time. Even with harmless jokes, she'll find something to go on rants about. All she does is rant to me about tiny things that don't even matter. She's a negative person and is always complaining. Also, she uses such complicated language and talks so formally all the time. She also assumes I don't know what those words mean, and proceeds to explain them to me even though I already know the meanings. If I ever use a slang term or an abbreviation, she rolls her eyes and complains about how society is dumbing itself down.
I've had enough. I always feel so negative and stressed out after spending time with her. I've finally decided to just cut her out of my life.
Except now she keeps crying and doing things that make me feel guilty. She keeps going on about how she doesn't have any other friends, and that she thought I was the only one who understood her, and that it's unintentional and I'm just misinterpreting her behaviour. She also keeps mentioning how lonely she is and how she's gonna slip into depression if I stop talking to her.
I can't tell if she's being emotionally manipulative or if she's being genuinely truthful. I'm starting to feel really bad and feel this sense of obligation like I have to be her friend and that I'm the one in the wrong.
She's also started complaining to other people about me. She sent me this long, formal apology email, except it wasn't really an apology. To sum it up, it was basically just, "I'm sorry that you're misunderstanding me and can't see the real me because of unconscious social biases instilled in you by society" or something like that.
She also keeps calling me a dick and saying I'm really hurting her feelings. A couple of people have spoken to me and asked me to just give her another chance and make friends with her again.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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"description": "wanting to stop being freinds with someone \"because he's black\"",
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|
AITA for wanting to stop being freinds with someone "because he's black"?
|
Recently my girlfriend of 2 months left me for my friend. We weren't super close friends but I had known him for a while and see eachother quite often. I really liked this girl and thought it was going well so was surprised when she broke up with me. I found out a couple days after we broke up that this friend made a move on her and they slept together the day before she broke up with me. I also found out from a mutual friend that the reason she was interested in him was because he's black, and no other black guy had ever shown interest in her so she wanted to try it out. I was pissed at this guy for making a move on her when he knew she was with me so I talked to him about it (over text). He blamed being drunk but said it was her choice to choose him over me. I told him out of anger that the only reason she was with him was because he's black. He called me racist for this and we haven't talked since. All of our mutual friends are now angry at me calling me racist for what I said, even the friend who told me that it's because hes black in the first place.
AITA for wanting to not be friends with this guy anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "frequently turning down my friend's invite to tag along",
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|
AITA for frequently turning down my friend's invite to tag along?
|
Whenever I try to make plans with my good friend Heather, she is \*always\* busy, but Heather is a nice person and always invites me to tag along.
While I initially appreciated this, I am starting to get very frustrated. Yes, she invites me to parties or events and they can be fun! But it often requires me rearranging my schedule to make it work, taking multiple trains and/or buses, traveling for over an hour, making small talk with people I don't know, etc. I have made this effort for months now, I like to try new things and meet new people, but I am starting to feel that all the work is on my end. I don't always want to just be a tag along to \*her\* plans as an afterthought, especially for plans that I'm not always even interested in. Heather says she loves me and wants to see me, but is busy so I should just tag along. But I feel that is basically saying, "I'm going here at this time with these people, so if you want to see me you need to agree to that." Heather never asks what I may want to do or what my schedule is like.
Starting about a month ago, I still ask her frequently to hang out, but if she has plans, I often say No thanks and make plans with someone else. She takes it very personally each time and sometimes lectures me. This came to a head when Heather and I had plans to hang out together Saturday, but texted me that she's actually going to a march madness viewing party and I should go with her. To be fair, she did apologize about agreeing to hang out when she had other plans. But when I passed on it, she lectured me again that I have no reason to not attend, that I'm being difficult, and need to make an effort. I finally snapped at her and explained my frustrations I outlined above.
Heather was very offended and sent me paragraphs of texts. She said she just has more friends than me and is being nice by inviting me along to everything; that I am not making an effort; that its not fair I'm painting her as an bad/inconsiderate friend; and that she didn't realize I was sooo miserable attending her plans (I didn't say any of that, she was very dramatic honestly). I see her point that she is just trying to include me while juggling so many plans, but if she wants to see me \*so\* bad, why not ever consider my interests or schedule?
Now we are in a huge fight and I don't know how to resolve it. Heather is calling me now and I'm not sure what to say so I'm asking for help here. AITA for shooting down her invites?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ap7cr2
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{
"description": "not wanting to stay at my girlfriends house when her dad is here",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to stay at my girlfriends house when her dad is here?
|
I can't say I really have a problem with him other than the fact he says stuff about our relationship mostly when he's drunk, if I could I'd have a word with him and tell him how it is but for reasons I can't, anyway the situation usually is he goes to his girlfriends for 4/5 days every two weeks which gives me and gf freedom in her house, she says she wants me to stay here to prove a point to him that she's not just a booty call and all that stuff but Im adamant I don't want to stay here when he's here. If he's here then I'd mostly be stuck in the bedroom and what's the point in that? I do take a while to be myself around people and I don't want to be fake with people but he's had a lot to say and again if I could I'd have a word
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "being upset at not being invited to my sister's wedding even though I've been clean for over a year",
"pronormative_score": 82,
"contranormative_score": 68
}
|
AITA for being upset at not being invited to my sister’s wedding even though I’ve been clean for over a year?
|
Please bear with me through all these details.
Long story short, I got addicted to opiates, and then heroin, after a car accident a few years ago that left me with chronic pain.
I am not debating my assholeness when I was at my worst. I know I was bad. I lied to my little sister (who is now 25 and I’m 28), I stole money and valuables from my parents (this is what I’m most ashamed of) and it eventually got so bad that they had to cut all contact with me. I got clean through my own doing and only after I was 6 months clean have they all been willing to reestablish any kind of relationship with me.
Moving forward to now, it turns out my little sister is getting married in a couple of months. I found out when my sister told me that I wouldn’t be invited because even though I’ve been clean for over a year and even though she’s proud of me, she still doesn’t trust me and her fiancé agrees that neither of them want me there “in case something happens”. She said she didn’t want me to find this out from someone else so she is telling me herself.
When she told me, I didn’t yell, but I was noticeably upset and I said, “If you don’t trust me enough to not fuck up your wedding, why even bother having me around at all?” I then asked her if this was her saying this or her fiancé saying this, as he only really knows me as the addict older brother and isn’t my biggest fan, to say the least. She then got upset at me so I just left as I didn’t want to start a fight.
Honestly, I was and am pretty devastated. My sister and I grew up super close and she was my best friend for a really long time until the addiction took over. I can’t believe I won’t be there for such an important life moment.
I feel as though I have proven I’m stable enough by getting a good job, staying clean, and am taking care of myself enough to come to her wedding.
This was all a few days ago and I haven’t spoken to her since. I don’t know what my parents know about all this but they didn’t bother to tell me about the wedding at all.
AITA for being upset about not being invited?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "talking over my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For talking over my friend?
|
So, apologies, first reddit post. Something happened today and I really need to get some closure. For background, my friend A. and I have been friends for years, we’re both girls and juniors in high school now, and she’s the kind of person I know I can trust with anything. So, for years, we’ve had a close relationship, but then last year she got a boyfriend. She talks to him much more now, and sometimes I do feel a bit ignored, but let me make it clear that I’m not the kind to express all my feelings or act on jealousy. Anyways, since A. has had a boyfriend, the three of us often talk at lunch. I grew up in a very noisy home, so getting a chance to speak is a gift. Today, as usual, we were talking and everything seemed fine. Then, when I got home, I saw a somewhat passive aggressive text from A. asking me to try not to talk over her boyfriend when they are having a conversation and said that he was upset about it. The thing is, when I spoke, they weren’t even talking, not to mention I didn’t think I said all that much. Then again, I do know that in the past I was a pretty blabby person, but once again I kind of owe that to my home life. But even if I do talk too much, which I’ll admit to, am I the asshole in this situation? The text A. sent me has had me really wrecked emotionally for the past hour or so, and while I’ve sent many sincere apology texts, I feel like she’s still kind of upset with me. I can see why, if I were actually talking all that much, but like I said I feel like I wasn’t. Sorry if this is just silly and kind of immature, but it really does have me messed up.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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b380uj
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{
"description": "attempting to distance myself from friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for attempting to distance myself from friends
|
Hi, I’m a 15 year old male here. I’m stuck in a large group of friends that I’ve been in since entering high school. They’re decent people, and I don’t hate any of them, but they’re all very loud. I tend to eat my lunch alone in a specific spot, and they all fill in, one by one, till the area is bursting with chatter. I’ll only ever join in on conversations if it’s me and one other person, or I’m specifically asked something.
I heavily value silence, and that’s why I initially chose the spot. I’m also not the best with social interaction, and I fear of saying something awkward. Then I was found out, and the results are shown above. I’d just like to enjoy my lunch alone instead of going through my last class with a headache.
Now what I try to do, is just abruptly leave the area and find somewhere else I can enjoy myself. I avoid spots I know where they gather and do my best to keep my distance. I’m not trying to directly cut them off from my life, as I’ll still enjoy the company of maybe one of these friends at a time somewhere, and I greet them in the halls if we notice each other, it’s just I’d like to see different people; ones who I can get along better with.
Well, let’s hear it Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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aajf6c
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{
"description": "taking off and leaving my date behind",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking off and leaving my date behind?
|
so I (24M) met this chick through a friend,we have known each other for some years but never actually hung out.
The other day, I saw her after a long time and there were a lot of good vibes, so I just asked her out and she said yes.
We went for a couple of drinks, it was pretty good we talked a lot were both quite relaxed, at around 3 am, I felt like it was time to go home, I tell her so and ask if she wants to come along while stating its cool if she doesn´t.
At this point she just smiled and said nothing. To be honest it sort of bothered me that I got no answer because it took some guts to say, but okay whatever.
We walked to her bus stop (which is what she wanted I guess) and I told her i´d be taking a cab home. I call the cab and say that I could leave her somewhere along the way, she just declined the offer and so we said goodbye and I left in the cab.
​
I went through the events in my mind, and think that I could´ve just taken her to her place instead of leaving her behind. AITA reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
jpZwEb5xe0ANYXbN00oCCxPzR0q62kOb
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aog7p0
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{
"description": "lying about my virginity to my fiancée",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 29
}
|
AITA asshole for lying about my virginity to my fiancée?
|
I’m 30 M getting engaged to my 26 F girlfriend of a few years. She has personally wanted to wait until marriage to have sex and that’s something I’ve been fine with. She’s never really made a particularly big deal about it, just something we discussed early in our relationship.
The issue is, I’m embarrassed to admit, I lost my virginity to an escort at 21 and since then had sex with a few more escorts in my early 20’s. During this time, I never had a girlfriend or sex with anyone not an escort. I eventually decided this was gross and vowed not to see another escort. Still, I was internally really ashamed of this and depressed for much of my 20’s. At some point, I started working out and getting out of my depression and shortly after is when I met my girlfriend.
So when the topics eventually came up early in our relationship, I had told her truthfully that she was my first relationship ... but then falsely told her that along those lines I was a virgin. I was head over heels for her and so I just didn’t have the courage to suddenly reveal my shamed history with escorts. And in a very real sense, I do still feel like a virgin. From my perspective, it’s less of a lie and more of a half-truth. And that’s when she told me she was a virgin too.
So fast forward to today and we’ll be getting married in 6 months. She still thinks I’m a virgin and doesn’t know I had seen escorts in the past. Although we haven’t played it up to be a particularly huge deal, when we do get married and have sex I feel like it’s inherently going to be something very significant for her to believe that we have lost our virginity to each other.
I mean, with her desire to wait for marriage, she never really articulated some dream of marrying a virgin too. If in reality I had lost my virginity in a more normal manner and originally told her that, I doubt she would have cared. But since now she’s been living with the half-truth that I am a virgin for the past few years, I’m sure it has made it more significant.
But still, I feel like my embarrassing sexual history is something very personal. A skeleton in my closet that I’d like to keep there. I don’t plan on ever revealing this to her and hope once we progress through our marriage, the details of our sexual history will have lost their significance and never really come up again.
Few notes: I was tested twice in between the last time I saw an escort and when I met my girlfriend, both came back completely clean. If it matters, my girlfriend and I are still very intimate in other ways and I think overall have a very healthy relationship.
So am I the asshole here by not revealing this to my soon-to-be wife?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
qVWv5uI3oMTvHxaSopLSr2xncic7yWnD
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aqyyaj
|
{
"description": "avoiding one of my friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for avoiding one of my friends
|
So my friends and I are all in high school and there’s about 15 of us. We have this one “friend” named Gerald who we only see every 1 or 2 months. We only see him when our school has a half-day and we all decide to walk to a nearby restaurant. He always tags along even though none of us really know him outside of these half-days.
A lot of my friends are uncomfortable around him because he’s a little antisocial and so are a lot my friends so it’s really awkward when he’s around (this isn’t something I personally worry about but it affects our group as a whole).
The main reason he makes us uncomfortable is that he has a history of messaging creepy and sexual pickup lines to random girls he doesn’t know, including some of our friends. Because of this, a lot of us are uncomfortable with him eating lunch with us.
The main issue here is that some of my friends want to solve this by just ignoring him and meeting across campus so that none of us see him. Personally, I think we should just tell him how we feel. My reasoning is that avoiding him is an asshole move and just because he’s an asshole doesn’t mean we should be one too. But, me and my friends are all non-confrontational which is why we’re not sure if we’d even be able to talk to him. So, would we be the assholes if we deliberately met across campus so that we could avoid Gerald rather than just telling him the truth.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
aquhjp
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{
"description": "closing the train doors",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for closing the train doors?
|
I take the train into the city so I can get to college. Today, it’s 2 degrees celsius outside, there’s frost on the ground and the fog is so thick you can barely see two feet in front of you. I also have a skirt on today and couldn’t find any proper tights to wear with it, so I’m sitting on this train basically freezing my legs off.
Now. It really badly bugs me when doors get left open (I think this could be OCD, though it’s not diagnosed so I won’t assume). Every damn time someone boards the train, they leave the doors open like it isn’t cold as fuck outside, so I’m getting out of my seat maybe every 30 seconds to a minute to press the button which shuts the doors.
People on the train are starting to get visibly annoyed with me constantly getting out of my seat, and at some point this woman snaps at me and says I’m being “rude” and “an inconvenience.” I don’t see how I’m being either of those things- it’s not like I was deliberately shutting the door on people who wanted to come in or anything, and I only wanted to keep warm. But anyway, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
elDjLrOXFsSgtTvnh3DN915i5aGv8Bz6
|
aqjczk
|
{
"description": "keeping my FWB's number",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for keeping my FWB's number?
|
A few weeks ago, my (M22) friend with benefits (F20) came over to my house to have sex. She stayed over for the night but she said she has to leave in the morning. The next morning, we were having breakfast and she kind of made me feel shitty by saying she's going to go home but also saying things like, "But you probably don't want me to go home, right?" and "You probably can't live without me, you pervert." But I just played along and she left.
A few days ago, she pulled the same thing, but I got annoyed and said something along the lines of, "You need to stop, it doesn't make me feel good." Then she started feeling guilty and agreed and then asked to stop being friends with benefits because she feels it isn't good for her mental health. She talked about how a friend with benefits situation isn't for her. I said fine and we ended our relationship. She asked to unfollow each other's accounts on social media and delete each other's numbers. I agreed to no contact on social media but said we can still keep our numbers. She said okay because she said it'd be nice if we could still be friends and talk.
I told a female friend about this situation and she called me out saying I wanted to keep her number because I was attached and still wanted to have sex with her. It is true that I still wanted to stay in contact because my FWB has done this before where she wanted to stop the relationship but contacted me anyway after because she wanted sex. But it's been a few days and she and I haven't talked to each other at all, and I didn't keep the number so that I could convince her to have sex with me.
So reddit, AITA for asking her keep our numbers?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b6wsm5
|
{
"description": "purposely not tutoring a girl because she rejected me",
"pronormative_score": 83,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For purposely not tutoring a girl because she rejected me?
|
Junior in high school here. Not necessarily the most popular person out there. I honestly don't look very nice and I am quite awkward. Still working on my confidence because I got bullied a lot during middle school.
That said, I am fairly well known and respected at school.
I am good at studies, and I offer to tutor a lot of people for free whenever I get the time.
One of the girls in our class recently joined the school and she was lagging behind, so her friend asked me to help her out. I accepted the offer.
Instantly fell for her when we had our first session. She was just really receptive, witty, kind and beautiful. But I obviously didn't want to ruin our relationship, so I stayed quiet and was strictly professional.
After a couple of months more of tutoring her, she got decent grades and I was happy for her. After I stopped teaching her, I asked her out on a date, and she was genuinely pissed.
Told me I ruined our relationship and that she didn't expect me to be like that. She said we weren't compatible because she liked tough guys or people in the swim team, I wasn't her level at all. She told me to never talk to her again, and said that I she had just started gaining popularity and any interaction with me would be detrimental to her popularity.(It was at this point I realized why she told me to teach her 15 minutes away from the school in a small park. The open air excuse was probably bullshit)
She hung out with the popular bunch anyway so I didn't really care a lot. I had gotten over her at this point.
So when she came and asked me to help her with her chem finals, I outright refused to, even after she pleaded since she didn't want to see me just a month ago anyway.
I have just come to know that she failed her class, and I honestly feel conflicted.
Please do help, genuinely means a lot.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
yToyISzaoBgsH8oLHieISaitNm1hD3KN
|
b4bodr
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pool baby shower gifts with my mum",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I don't want to pool baby shower gifts with my mum?
|
Hello reddit, just need a quick opinion to help me to decide whether I'm valid in what I'm feeling or whether I'm just being a prick.
My favourite cousin is pregnant (I know we shouldn't favourite family members but we all do), and her baby shower is this Sunday. I've recently got into crocheting and wanted to make a gift that she would hopefully love.
So for the past 2 weeks I've been working on a blanket that has turned out really nice (if I do say so myself), and it's my first actual thing that I've crocheted so I'm genuinely super proud. This blanket has taken me literally hours. The wool that I've used this quite thin so it's obviously taken a while to build up. It's taken 3 balls of DK yarn with a 4mm hook so you can imagine the effort that I've put into it.
My mum is also going to the baby shower on Sunday and has mentioned that she wants to pool gifts, which at first I was fine with. I imagined that I would have my thing in a bag and she would have her thing in a bag and that she would sign hers "mum, dad, me, my SO" and that I would sign ours "me, my SO, mum, dad". That way they're both together but separate. This isn't what my mum had in mind.
She simply wants to put her gift in the same bag as mine and then sign it from the 4 of us, which I wouldn't mind if she was going to the same effort but her plan is to go to the baby section of Lidl tomorrow and just pick something. If you're from the UK, you understand why I aren't keen on this. If you're not from the UK, Lidl is literally the cheapest supermarket there is.
AITA because I don't want to mix the two? It just feels like I've gone to loads of effort and now my mum is trying to use that to go to none herself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
ay474p
|
{
"description": "not helping friend on a accidentally deleted project",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not helping friend on a accidentally deleted project?
|
(Sorry for bad formatting I’m on mobile).
So, 3 days ago at 1am my friend blows me up on discord, explaining how he deleted his project and needed my help, but I had to still work on my mathematics project, and study for a very hard test I had the next day. I asked him what he needed help with, if he had try to recover it from his recycle bin, etc, but he just kept asking for my help. I denied his request and he called me an asshole and “some so called friend you are”.
I tried to message him again but he won’t let go of it, even after me apologising.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
KKqC7X6LKjaVoRnCf55b0qvDAehPWYba
|
a8mwvk
|
{
"description": "not wanting my gf to know my online banking password",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting my gf to know my online banking password?
|
We had a conflict yesterday. We want to describe both sides in detail, point by point, to stay neutral for more accurate feedback. To preface, we each have personal bank accounts plus a shared joint account for shared expenses.
This arose because we were trying to log into his steam account to play The Witness. She was manning the computer and when it prompted for his password, he wouldn't tell it to her. His reasoning was because it was the same password as his bank.
​
|Her Concerns - Point|His Concerns - Counterpoint|
|:-|:-|
|1. Not sharing bank passwords implies mistrust and implies that he feels that I could use the information to harm him. |1. Not sharing my bank password does not imply mistrust, it implies my personal thresholds for security and trust are different than hers. |
|2. I share all my passwords with him, even my bank password, because I trust him. Yes, it is true that I use the same password (or variation) for everything. But even if I used a different password for banks, I would share it with him. |2. She shares all her passwords with everyone because all her passwords are the same exact password, from Netflix and WIFI, to serious accounts like banks. I have a higher threshold for security than her. I use my strongest password for any account that has access to my debit card, such as Steam. |
|3. My ex-husband (with whom I share 2 children) hid money from me in an account I didn't know about while I shared all of my money with him. At the time, I thought we were living paycheck to paycheck and was always worried about making ends meet. I want full transparency in this relationship. I am fully transparent with him. |3. I don't hide my online bank statements or accounts from her if she asks to see them, so there's no risk of me hiding money from her like her ex did. |
|4. He has phone alert settings lets him know about any transactions that day. I have no history of lying to him, nor deception in any past relationships, and I have been very careful to ensure if he pays for something, and I need to reimburse my half, that I always pay him promptly. |4. I had an ex steal about 3 months worth of my income once because she felt justified in her situation at the time. I trusted her. I want to decrease the probability of that happening in this relationship. |
|5. He kept a savings account secret from his ex-fiance (that contained significant savings) of almost 10 years. |5. I used to keep a savings account secret from my ex because she stole about 3 months worth of my income and I wanted to have an emergency savings account. |
|6. He cheated on me when we first met. I was, unknowingly, the other woman. Had either her or I seen his bank account, we would have known he had 2 different cell phones & spending habits that would betray his deception. I certainly don't want to review his bank accounts regularly nor without his knowledge & consent, but it feels triggering to me that he wants to withhold his password. I only ever reviewed his bank account after right after he revealed his infidelity (1.5 years ago) with his consent, to help restore trust and ensure that there wasn't further deception. I haven't requested to look at them since. |6. My ex and I were in a bad relationship. My ex was my first gf and we were together for almost 10 years. My ex cheated on me multiple times and stole money from me, but I didn't know if I could have a better relationship if I ended it. I had low self-esteem and no experience dating. Instead of ending the relationship, I made the regrettable decision to go on dates without my ex knowing, to see if I had the potential to have a better relationship. I met my gf and ended things with my ex. We went to therapy for over a year. I want to do everything I can to reassure my gf. I want her to be able to see my bank statements whenever she wants, but I don't want her to know my bank password because she would have the ability to take money out of my bank accounts. |
|7. While we aren't legally married, we live a married cohabiting lifestyle. (We feel that marriage is an entirely unnecessary step when committing yourself to your partner) In my experience, it is common practice for married couples to be fully transparent about money. He says he wants to be fully transparent, yet I only have a rough guess of his total savings. When i have asked how much he has saved, he has always hesitated and I don't remember ever getting a straight answer.|7. I want to be fully transparent about money. I want her to be able to see my bank statements whenever she wants, but I don't want her to know my bank password because she would have the ability to take money out of my bank accounts. |
|8. He has told me the password in the past (but my memory fails me) why does he feel unable to share it now? |8. I feel unable to share my bank password now because I want to be assertive and stand up for my boundaries. |
|9. In order to restore trust after him cheating, we put several safeguards (apps) in place. This fall he removed all of those safeguards. I have asked him to reinstall them before. He readily agreed to, but so far still hasn't done it to date. I will always have a small seed of doubt, because of his infidelity & dishonesty, but he has always done well to ensure that the seed was never watered. These concerns, unmet, feel like the seed of doubt is being watered.|9. The safeguards to restore trust were apps recording my calls and tracking my location on my phone. She has those apps on her phone as well. Over the past few months I've had to install other apps on my phone and I deleted them because there wasn't enough space. I downloaded those apps on my phone just now. |
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ZbMEiQIFUaQYDfkKgFMLY43l3eLkjeTx
|
ao8qhx
|
{
"description": "not wating to spend time with my bf after midnight",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wating to spend time with my bf after midnight?
|
So my boyfriend and i have been friends in five years and recently started dating. Hes very romantic but after the first few month i discovered that that he likes to smoke and be 'adventurous' (mind you we are both 14) it didn't really change our relationship though. So last week I said yes to climb on a roof with him. I don't like that kind of stuff what did it anyway. He was very happy that I said yes. It made me feel guilty because it was happiness. But now he wants me to go out with him at 2 a.m. and I don't like that kind of stuff, I said no that I wouldn't sneak out of my room but he begged me. I still said No and said next week. But I don't want to do it next week. I don't want to be rude to him and not sneak out of my room at 2 a.m. but I am also kind of scared. He keeps pushing me and now i really dont know what to do.
So Reddit AITA for not wanting to go out after midnight with my bf?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
4HTSdyyJxq2Crlx9uFPXcGe0VJ3zBgR6
|
aania4
|
{
"description": "hating my niece and nephew",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hating my niece and nephew?
|
I literally hate my niece and nephew. We used to have to live with them and my nephew (although he's only 8) would always hurt me and punch me. His mom hates me, so I was too afraid to ever report it in case of the "my child would never do that" bullshit. And I could never fight back because we had no place to go. We were basically homeless at the time and they were letting us live with them.
My niece is very... touchy, if that's a word. I would literally wake up to her humping me or squeezing my ass. (She's 10) Again, I never reported it because their mom would probably blame me. We were forced to take a bath together once and she tried to put her toes where toes do not go.
None of this was helped by how i used to get beaten up at school, so I was already sensitive to being hit. Now, I fucking can't stand going over there. They're spoiled kids and get whatever they want and love to flaunt it. We live paycheck to paycheck and they've made fun of me for it. Everytime I'm over there, my nephew will start hitting me and when i start freaking out he just laughs because it's fun to him.
So, am I the asshole for hating them?
TLDR: I hate my niece and nephew because they would beat me up and basically sexually harass me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
jByWsDuxoK87ruYksloDOOk1KDfFBmvz
|
aqg2lb
|
{
"description": "not contacting my friends long distance boyfriend to tell him that she committed suicide",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for not contacting my friends long distance boyfriend to tell him that she committed suicide?
|
I'll try to keep this short, my (33m) friend (28f) died by suicide a couple of weeks ago. We knew she was in a dark place after going through a rough patch last year but it was very unexpected. A few weeks before this we talked about how she wants to turn her life around and start working on herself, she seemed hopeful, so her passing was a shock to her friends and family.
She met someone (28/29?m) online a couple of years ago. she would always bring him up in conversation and seemed in love with a guy she never met. Our group of friends tried to be supportive but we noticed how little effort he was investing in her. Always making up excuses when she asked to meet him, calling her at his convenience then she has to stay up all night on the phone due to time difference, not getting her anything for her birthday when she sent him a care package... little things that made our group of friends question what she sees in him.
As far as I know, they weren't on speaking terms when she passed, he asked her for a break and she wouldn't tell any of us why. She even reached out to him a couple of days before her death and was upset that he didnt pick up.
He has no way of finding out about her death because of the distance and she doesn't have any social media accounts.
Her mom wants to contact the guy to tell him but the family hasn't managed to unlock her phone and has no way of reaching him. I found his instagram and facebook accounts, I just don't plan on sharing them with her family and I don't think he has a right to know of her passing because he treated her so poorly.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
iO6uJdFx54O5tX8GODvPkqsjzyZB2xqe
|
atebgp
|
{
"description": "not inviting my step-mother's siblings/relatives to my wedding ceremony, even though they're invited to the reception",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not inviting my step-mother's siblings/relatives to my wedding ceremony, even though they're invited to the reception?
|
I'm really struggling with this and could use some outside perspective. There's going to be some family background because my family is complicated, but bear with me. Thanks in advance for your time.
My step-mother has been in my life for almost 26 years. And I really do think of her as my mother. She has been there for me and we have experienced much together. We've survived through hard times, and we've always had each other's backs. I cannot stress enough how much I care for this woman. Now I have a step-mother because my biological parents are divorced. My biological mother is in my life, and is equally as important to me. I consider them both to be my moms.
However, my biological mother and father hate each other beyond reconciliation. The hate between them is such that they cannot be in the same room as one another without outburst. This obviously makes planning a wedding wherein they are both present...complicated.
The solution my soon to be wife and I came up with was for us to completely fund a very short and small ceremony, and do it our way, so neither side could stifle the other, and we would also host a separate reception with each side of the family so there would be no possibility of conflict. My biological mother and father agreed to be docile for the ceremony.
My father and step-mother offered to host a reception without us asking, but we graciously accepted such a generous offer. Similarly without asking my biological mother's side offered the same, and our plan was falling into place like we never imagined. (My fiancee's family lives in another country, but they too offered, we truly are lucky to have such family.)
The thing with the ceremony is, we want it to be small. We're not interested in doing the whole dog and pony show with hundreds of people. Which given the size of our families, could easily happen. We limited it to 30 people, our original number was 20 but we realized there were too many people that deserved to be there. Our closest family and friends, and people who have had tremendous impact in each of our lives, people without which we would not be where we are today.
My step-mother has 4 living siblings (formerly 5 until three years ago), even more nieces and nephews, and in the 25 years I've known them, not one of them has ever made any attempt to have any type of relationship with me, whatsoever. Or my fiancee, whom I've been with for six years. To be fair, I haven't either, but it is what it is and we have a familial bond despite this, at least on my end. But as far as my life is concerned, I only have contact with them by proxy of my step-mother, and they are basically strangers to me after 25 years. However they are \*\*very\*\* important in her life, as are her nieces and nephews, whose relationships with me are equally non-existent.
​
Continued in the comments...
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
XlWawVcwLIetQGJDDpywiyu7PsuQyISb
|
ataycz
|
{
"description": "being kinda stalkerish",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being kinda stalkerish?
|
I'm in my schools theater club and in our workshop there are 4 handprints. They have the names of the hands and the year they graduated in the middle of them (2010). I decided to take a picture of it, find the persons hand on facebook and send them the pic. One of them responded "How did you get this", I said "I'm a current thespian". She responded "Oh okay awesome. Enjoy". I havnt replied or even opened the message. Was I wrong for sending her the pic? I had the intention of maybe bringing back some good memories for her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
zdQaPFb2oKiYFAQ8U7TdQgHKSGLxezXG
|
9u4il0
|
{
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend talking to some guy online about dildos and sexual stuff",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I don’t want my girlfriend talking to some guy online about dildos and sexual stuff.
|
So, long story short this is not recent, it happened a few years ago, We were both about 14 at the time, but my friends and I were having a debate whether or not I was the asshole in this situation.
So at the time I had been dating this girl for about 6months, and I really liked her, she had a really nice family, some great friends, a wonderful personality, the whole 9 yards.
But she started talking to this guy online (I don’t remember how they met *exactly*, but it was a chat app where you could meet new people) and at first I was skeptical, but didn’t think much of it. And so a few weeks pass, and she shows me some of their conversations, talking about dildos and their different kinks, and a lot of stuff like that.
I was a bit shocked, and honestly a bit mad, so I tried talking to her about how I felt, I explained I didn’t like her talking about that stuff with some guy online (not to mention he could’ve been any age) and that I’d like it if they didn’t talk about that anymore.
She got defensive, and said something along the lines of “why can’t I have a friend online?” So I explained that it wasn’t the friendship that was bothering me, it was the topics of conversation they chose.
A couple more weeks go by and she shows me their conversation again, and I notice they’re still talking about sexual stuff occasionally, and I get upset, saying how I felt bad that she wasn’t having these conversations with me (to clarify, it’s not that she didn’t like talking about it with me, we had plenty of sexual conversations) and that I was finding out things about her through her and his conversations.
Eventually she stopped talking to him, and I was relieved, fast forward a few years and now my friends are saying I’m the asshole in this situation, but I didn’t think so, so what’s your opinion?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
1l3soUKs5XkXn3OaPUHJOcF8YZfkSMb4
|
a39f5c
|
{
"description": "not letting my girlfriend ask questions in the middle of my story",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for not letting my girlfriend ask questions in the middle of my story?
|
So today my girlfriend and I were talking about acid, she’s never done it before, and I’ve done it about 10 times. I’m no expert but I have a broad enough knowledge to speak intelligently about the subject and the tripping experience.
So I’m about 1/3 of the way through of my story (~15 minutes in total so we’re talking about just after the 5th minute here) and she starts to ask me a question, so I listen, and I tell her that I’m about to get there, the next part of the story will answer your question.
I continue talking for another 15 seconds and she asks me more questions, more questions that will be answered as the story goes along.
At this point I’m getting upset and I shush her because everything that she’s asking I’m going to answer, and every time she asks a question my train of thought goes off their figurative tracks and I have to scramble back to get to what I was talking about... reddit, AITA?
TL;DR. I shushed my girlfriend during a story I was telling, she interrupted me with questions pertaining to the story, but all the questions she was asking were going to be answered upon completion or the very story I was telling. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
ICVRQkf8ExQe2Ho7lxLnZk2q8Tpi6Z67
|
b078t2
|
{
"description": "not giving my father a loan of 40k",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving my father a loan of 40k$
|
So a little background. I'm a 17 year old living in Finland with my parents. I have always been close to my grandpa because my dad took me and my brothers to see him often especially after my grandma passed. My granddad was very friendly and generous to us and wanted to help us and the only way he could help us was often giving money when we were struggling because he was old and blind(and had more money than he needed). My dad had a brother and he was doing much better than us and didn't visit granddad as often as us and neither did our cousins.
My dad and his brother started arguing when my grandmother died and haven't after 7 years come to an agreement over her belongings even tho' the value of the belongings isn't much and granddad got most of them, it's more about just arguing with each other because my uncle feels like my father was the favorite and he needs to pay back to him everything my dad got from my granddad.
Now after my granddad passed my father and his brother need decide how they are going to split a house, a lot of money and lots of expensive collectibles. And because my uncle doesn't exactly need the money he will make this a very hard, long and expensive process. All this would't be too expensive because we could just use our granddads money to fund the process but in Finland we have to pay inheritance tax and the tax office want's a cut of the whole value of the inheritance even tho' there might be something other than money. That means you will have to sell or get the money elsewhere if you want keep expensive items like medals or cold coins which might have more emotional value.
All this means my father will have to get 80k$ dollars from somewhere just to pay the taxes and maybe someday if these things get solved get something back.
This is where i come to play. Because my granddad wanted to give something to his grandchildren, he invested to a life insurance fund so that we get something to help us to get a head start in life when he passes. I didn't know about this until when he passed and i got a letter that informed me that he gave all his 5 grandchildren around 40k$.
So one day my father decides to just tell me and my brother his plan on getting himself out of the tax hell he's bout get into. ''You two will loan me 80 000 dollars and i will pay it back to you someday'' I didn't know what to think about this and even though my father is a great person and all i don't want to give him my money and get it maybe paid back during a space of time i don't know. I have decided to tell him i wont give him this loan so does this make me an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
HbOOcGZb46B8sXdFNzyw4M2CPrVi6DAA
|
aqmpi5
| null |
AITA - It’s okay?
|
So, this happened last night and I am still wondering if I am the asshole..
I am getting ready for bed, and decides to climb in bed to sit next to me. He’s holding a cup of water and some cookies. He accidentally kneed my right knee - which almost caused him to almost lose balance. I am rubbing my knee because that hurt and tell him “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”
He gets annoyed that I didn’t ask him if he’s okay because he almost lost his balance. He also states that it’s not all about me.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
SFi6Y4ads5xZh8TsPW5YykYn9d6hxHIx
|
b7wxlr
|
{
"description": "biking on the sidewalk and telling a woman off who got mad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for biking on the sidewalk and telling a woman off who got mad?
|
This happened a couple days ago and I feel like I'm NTA but that woman seemed really pissed, and I think this sub can let me know if I was in the wrong.
I routinely bike to the grocery store over the weekend so that I don't have to rely on my parents to get me food/snack items that I want to eat. (I'm a high schooler) Plus, I like biking.
I use a bike lanes for the whole trip, but when it comes to the actual grocery store, I move over to the sidewalk for 2 reasons. First, I don't have to worry about being hit by, or pissing off, a car in the parking lot. Second, I just use it as a route to lock my bike up on one of those bike stands. Now admittedly, it was 100% possible for me to park my bike by coming from the parking lot-road as well, I just didn't. Mostly due to habit and reason #1. So this is when it gets interesting.
A couple, a man and a woman, were walking almost side by side and talking, and effectively cutting off the whole sidewalk so I could not bike past. (I also could not bike on the parking lot road and then come back either by then bc I was blocked by a line of parked cars.) So I politely asked the woman if I could pass. She replied, pretty irritated, "why are you biking on the sidewalk??" So I responded, "because I don't want to get hit by a car" She then snapped "you shouldnt be biking on the sidewalk you should be on the street!" By then, I was tired of this woman who was still admonishing me so as she was talking I just kept biking away and talked over her, saying "okay, sounds good". I did not get off the side walk.
So Reddit, AITA?
Tldr: I biked on the sidewalk instead of the parking lot and when a woman irritatedly told me to get off I ignored her, told her "sounds good" and continued bipking on the sidewalk.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
oEfElGRdhemP9qN0oGbiXuzn0y9W8wON
|
apdw7b
|
{
"description": "accusing my father of stealing my xbox",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For accusing my father of stealing my Xbox
|
So about a month ago, my father took my Xbox (a Christmas present from my grandparents, whom of which we live with) and took it to a pawn shop to get a loan from it. I didn't know what happened or where it was for two days until I started asking about it. He told me he lent it to a friend to play with for a day and forgot to get it back. Every few days I ask him "Hey have you gotten my Xbox back?" And he always says he forgot or makes another excuse. Fast forward a month later, our new car has a function where it reads texts aloud. I'm in the car with my grandfather and it reads a text aloud where my father is asking for $200 to get my Xbox back from the pawn shop. I confront him and ask him why he stole from me and lied to me. He said it wasn't stealing because despite him taking it without my permission, he intended to get it back.
Am I wrong for doing this? I think he stole from me but he says he didn't and it's quite frusturating. I want to believe he stole from me but he's adamant he didn't. What do you guys think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
6XZU1L24eDB7LSEYuwuwptScNPgnmcNH
|
ahp6me
| null |
WIBTA if I'll refuse teaching a friend of mine some techniques from my PUA days?
|
Long story short, I used to be the kind of man the incels would call a "Chad". I realized that seeking multiple sexual partners with 0 emotional attachment was detrimental for me and began getting my shit together.
Yesterday night I have been at a party with friends. Two of my friends were commenting about their inability to get confident with women, and one of them told me "Since you have been a PUA, you should help me."
How can I tell him, I believe it will harm him in the long run?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
ZVFUbfpDvGdCUHtgFayvGG7zympHG3IQ
|
ah2y7j
|
{
"description": "resenting my coworkers success and badmouthing him to our boss",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA For resenting my coworkers success and badmouthing him to our boss.
|
I am a mid level executive at a firm with multiple other positions each like my own, each trying to get ahead and eventually get promoted.
One of these coworkers recently revealed that he makes 350k dollars a year, 50k more than myself. That includes bonuses and incentive pay. I lied and told him I make the same, but now I secretely hate him. I want him to fail so much its killing me.
He has seniority on me by a year and a half. We drive similar cars and wear the same clothes but he was a nicer watch than mine.
He is able to land dinner reservations at booked up resteraunts and I am not. His girlfriend is slightly more attractive than mine, and has a better education. I believe I went to a better university than him though but its debatable.
All of this eats at me but him revealing the difference in our pay enrages me. I want to ruin him. I told my boss that hes been coming in late everyday, which is mostly true but everyone does it. I also told my boss that hes been talking about switching companies which is a lie.
My other coworker who I conspired with thinks I went overboard by lying, but the coworker who i am competing against is so arrogant I think he deserves it. AITA.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
sxTkpPqlcYIdSedh8jIu6YiYupshJfuZ
|
ats5wj
|
{
"description": "letting things go easily",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for letting things go easily?
|
It was the week in school where we establish in-school businesses to raise funds (which would be donated to a charity). We were in a hit in the first day, (making more money that any other booths).
The second day, our facilitating teacher (who's like the one who managed the businesses) called us names (non-English offensive insults that means something like too-expensive-not-worth-it-greedy-name, there isn't an English translation for that that I can recall but it's an insult that if existed, is something people will call Apple Inc. for selling expensive stuff that aren't usually worth your money, just to capitalise). She insulted us in front of many other students, but not really 100% insulted, it sounds friendly-joking 50% of the time. It's true that we're being expensive though.
After that, my classmates who didn't do much for our business started using the half-insults/half-jokes as an excuse to not doing more so our earnings significantly dropped to like 20%. We told her it was because of the insult and she said it's for us to learn and that other students and teachers are actually complaining.
Third day and it's still the same, with us earning only 10% of what we earned the first day. Afterwards, my teacher decided to message me (I'm the president) apologizing for the problems and congratulating us for doing a good job in two separate long messages. I delivered the message to my classmates and some of them didn't like it. I easily forgave our teacher but many of my classmates didn't. Some of us find the message funny because it wasn't really a big deal and some felt that the messages were insincere, and demands a more public and personal apology. Some also took the insult to empower ourselves. college week ended and I'm really stressed out about that week that I wanna let things go and forgive and forget. Am I the asshole for thinking it wasn't really a big deal anymore and thinking talking to her and demanding a personal apology isn't really a good idea bc she could take it personally and it will heavily affect our grades (based on my past experiences)?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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2rRIGJlz6nvR9jCjtBPGIz5t9R7lTjkB
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b5z8ur
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{
"description": "not wanting to go to prom if my boyfriend doesn't dress formal",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to prom if my boyfriend doesn’t dress formal
|
I’m on mobile so sorry if the formatting is messed up.
For context, I do not attend my boyfriends school because I am homeschooled, but nearly all of my social circle goes there, especially my best friend and I have attended the football games and past school dances.
So today while talking about what dresses I like, my boyfriend brought up that he is willing to spend barely any money on prom. Which is fine with me, not everything has to be extravagant, it’s just a high school dance. I mention how we could thrift a suit or even rent one.
He goes on to tell me that he is not planning on wearing a suit. rather a pair of cargo khaki pants, a button up, and maybe a blazer. I told him that these kind of events have dress codes, and that he’s gonna be the only one not in a suit. He said that he doesn’t care what people think and he’s gonna wear that regardless of the dress code.
My best friend tried to talk to him, saying that it’s a formal event so you’re supposed to dress formal. As well as how i’d be upset that he’s the only one not dressed to standard. He told her he didn’t care I would be upset and that it’s not my prom.
He also told her that suits are uncomfortable, she said he would only have to wear it for a short time and he could take it off afterwards. He told her that taking it off somewhere would wrinkle it, so why would he wear one.
He’s extremely stubborn and won’t budge, and at this point i’m not too sure if i want to go. I know it sounds materialistic and selfish, but I don’t want to be the only one in our group whose date isn’t dressed formal.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to go if he isn’t dressed formal?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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XCWFaZb4kgc0MstgqUA76YfjtzOCajtA
|
aqr86o
|
{
"description": "not attending my graduation ceremony? update",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not attending my graduation ceremony? UPDATE
|
Hey all. After giving it serious thought and consideration, I am going to attend my graduation ceremony. Apparently they’re going to read a bio or speech or whatever of whoever they’re hooding and I’m going to include gratitude towards my grandma taking care of me.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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aSmpmBsUG5fYepFPWSvsZQi3HFAOAzHi
|
9y4tpu
|
{
"description": "asking for a customers help when unloading their truck",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking for a customers help when unloading their truck
|
I work at a thrift store helping people drop off their donations. This guy came with a truck full of big boxes, gets off, says “everything.” And just sits in his car. Normally I would just shrug and do my job but I felt like this was a little disrespectful and my coworker is a 55 year old retired man, the guy was young and looked healthy enough to help out. So i ask him to and he does but starts asking me questions like “is this volunteer work?” “Don’t you get paid for this shit?” I tell him that my job is to HELP. Not to unload everything for you. (My manager confirmed this in a later conversation) we finish and he keeps cussing under his breath and calls me a piece of shit as he gets in his car. I even let him know his truck was leaking as he closed the door. What do you guys think? Am I a lazy fuck or am I wrong for thinking its common sense to assume you have to lend a hand when dropping off big boxes well, anywhere.
TL;DR
I asked a guy to help me out when he came to drop off some stuff. He wanted to sit and wait in his car so he didn’t like that too much. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
nf72s8Zkxq4PcDqNBqOfy5MBtvR3rgxD
|
b8dntv
|
{
"description": "telling my sister who helped build my company that I'm not making her ceo",
"pronormative_score": 34,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for telling my sister who helped build my company that I'm not making her CEO?
|
So I run a pretty successful tech company, and am planning on retiring soon. My younger sister [44F], let's call her Julie, has been hinting for a while she wants to be CEO. But quite honestly, I don't think it's a good idea.
So, the thing I always make a distinction between is the role of an entrepreneur vs the role of a businessman. My sister and I, if I do say so myself, are good entrepreneurs. We're good at spotting innovations, we're good programmers, and we're good at working with a small team to grow the company as far as you can.
Problem is, Julie is stuck in the entrepreneurial stage. Once your business is decently large, a lot of things change: it becomes less about tech and innovation (at least, hands-on tech and innovation that you personally take part in by cranking out code) and more about management and people skills. The larger it gets, the better of an organizer you need to be. You get the idea. And Julie, although I'll admit is a veritable tech genius, has no organizational or people skills. I've adapted to the businessman role better than she has, but admittedly even I haven't done the best job. Because we both are entrepreneurs at heart, not businessmen. And I'm retiring now, and I need someone to take over the company. Julie obviously wants it, but I mentioned her obvious problems she'll face in the role.
Enter my son, Norman. Norman is basically the closest thing to a natural-born businessman I've met. He's a natural leader, has a natural knack for organizing and dividing work that neither of us do. Plus, since he's gotten into stock trading, I've realized he knows the psychology of people: what innovations are well-recieved, why? What aren't, why? And plus, he's pretty charismatic and disciplined to boot. And although he's not that interested in programming and tech in and of itself, he knows Python and Java and is technically literate. All of these traits are what I'm looking for in a businessman to lead the company.
But when I told Julie that (after a few years experience), I'm installing him as CEO. She got angry at this and said I was ungrateful for her help. While I can see where she's coming from, I think I'm plenty greatful: she's CTO, she holds the most stock options besides me, etc. And that aside, I think she's being kind of selfish here: she knows she hates managing people and yet still wants to be CEO, even though she knows that's a vital part of management.
So, aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 11
}
|
RIGHT
|
gKFM0eWhhbl3eBrWCtfWvLN66F8cmkvY
|
aozgup
|
{
"description": "feeling bitter towards my little sister all the time",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for feeling bitter towards my little sister all the time
|
I am a 21yr old trans man. My little sister is 12.
My sister is a smart, wonderful kid with a lot of natural talent and ambition. She's only a kid and already she wants to grow up to be a /neurosurgeon/ of all things. She's in the archery and art clubs at her school and gets good grades and would probably ride horses if my family weren't so poor.
My mother had me as a teenager, with a different man than my 4 siblings, who all have the same father that we all kind of consider our dad. He never adopted me formally, so i don't have the same last name as the entire rest of my family.
I think most of why i resent her so much comes from before i recognized myself as a man, when we were the only two girl kids in the family and she was perfect, and blonde, and our dad's first daughter. She got a lot of leniency that i never did. I was punished and screamed and expected to be an adult and provide for my siblings and mother from a very young age constantly while she was rewarded and praised and loved for her flaws, like being spoiled or having sticky fingers/being sneaky.
All that being said, i dont blame her for our parents' choices, and i would kill and die for her because she is my baby sister, but whenever she talks about all of these wonderful things she's getting to do - i never even got to go to school - it makes my stomach twist. It makes me want to sob and it makes me want to hate her. Just today, my mom talked about how they were "going" to send me to the UK to visit my father's parents, but because i moved out at 18, they couldn't, so they're just "going to have to try again when (sister) turns 18, instead."
It hurt me deeply and i dont know how to make myself feel about it. She's just a little kid, and i know that, and i shouldn't resent her, but i really really do sometimes.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
KkiQo4FVP5YWsWslKevNghX7pKh09GAr
|
aebr8c
|
{
"description": "not forgiving him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Not Forgiving Him
|
The backstory behind this is he used to be one of my two best friends, but I couldn't look past or forgive him for doing something to one of my girlfriend's best friends. They had broken up and everyone had went on thinking it was her fault, but fast forward a few months and I start talking to the girl as friends because I saw her crying one day. She comes out to me that it wasn't a really good relationship and he would take advantage of how much she loved him. For example, if he wanted to have sex and she said no, he'd get mad at her until she'd finally give in and then after he'd leave, she'd cry herself to sleep a lot. The girl never wanted to tell anyone, especially her mom. He told one of his friends (after we grew distant) what happened and the friend told someone who told another person and a lot of people knew. Many of his friends at the time, who i'll call the art kids all said that he changed or didn't believe that it happened while my friends and I stood by the girl. We had a lot of arguments about the topic, but fast forward a few months and he gets with my gf's other best friend. While dating her, he goes to the mental hospital for depression and a lot of people decided to forgive him, but I couldn't. They are now broken up and I finally feel like I can be friends with all of my gf's best friends again. Like I just didn't understand how everyone including gf's sister called me the asshole for the situation and that I was in the wrong for not forgiving him. I don't get how everyone forgave him so easily and so i still hate him to this day. I really hope that this doesn't make me an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
bZrgatGtUpAYdApWMjWRttTGyBpNvY4O
|
a8xj5j
|
{
"description": "taking my Cat back and cutting off my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for Taking my Cat Back and Cutting off my Friend?
|
Hi, guys! First post. Thanks in advance and I apologize, but this is a long one.
A cat followed me home one night (we'll call her Fluffy). I wandered around the city and he just kept at it so I brought her into my apartment for the night. I took her to the vet and he was not microchipped. I posted flyers for a found cat and even contacted a bunch of cat rescues in the city trying to find her a home. No one called looking for her, and the rescues were all to busy dealing with kittens to worry about a 1-year old moggy. :( I was still getting over losing my dog of 12 years. I didn't want to get attached to another animal again. And so I dropped Fluffy off at the local Humane Society (and cried all the way home). After my sister (overseas) told me about her own horrible experience with that shelter, however, I went back and got Fluffy the very next morning. I treated her for fleas, worms and even got her spayed and vaccinated. Fluffy officially became my cat and I lived with her in my apartment for about 6 months.
Well, I graduated from school after that, and it turned out I needed to move to another very expensive city to seek out an internship in my field. This required moving back in with my father, who had made it very clear that he did not like cats and did not want a cat in his house. I turned to my good friend - we'll call her L - for assistance. L agreed to look after Fluffy until I got back on my feet and was able to take her back. As it turned out, L liked cats and wanted to see if she would enjoy having one of her own before she got one. Perfect!
I paid her for Fluffy's upkeep, and inquired about her regularly. She shared pictures. I only went to visit once since she lived 4 hours away from me. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I unfortunately found and had to leave an internship. She knew all about what was going on with me. The payments continued regardless. But because of the circumstances, this arrangement lasted for a year. During this time, I said that I wanted to take Fluffy and place her with family so that she would be closer to me and not cause L any further inconvenience. L assured me that she "wasn't going to steal my cat" and that it was fine. So the agreement continued. I got another internship and after months of convincing, my father agreed to let me keep Fluffy at our house.
I went to visit L and Fluffy. L had gotten herself a kitten a month before. We agreed about when I would come back to get Fluffy and how much I would pay her for her upkeep until then. But as soon as I got back home, L changed her tune.
Suddenly, I became this irresponsible pet owner and terrible, selfish person. She offered to return the money I had paid her over the year she had Fluffy and keep her. Uh... No, that's okay. I don't want my money back, I want my cat. She even tried to bring up my dropping her at the shelter even though that was 6 months before she even knew Fluffy existed. This was especially ridiculous because I had never told her about this. It was none of her business and - to me - it showed that she had been discussing me behind my back. Finally, I told L that I intended to have my cat back and that she had no right to refuse. I hinted that if she did refuse, I would be suing her for Fluffy's return. She agreed to give her back, but if Fluffy "missed her bonded pair (i.e. the kitten she'd lived with for about a month) or her human (i.e. L)" after a month or two, I was to return her. She was behaving like such a nut that I agreed just to get Fluffy back. Once she was back, I blocked L across all of my social media accounts. L even tried to contact me through a mutual friend, and I had to block them too.
Fluffy has been back with me for about 3 months. She eats well, sleeps on my bed at night and we have generally fallen back into our old routine. This happened immediately. Heck, when I came to pick her up from L's house, she got into the crate and laid down. No fuss whatsoever, so I know she isn't traumatized or anything.
To be perfectly honest, I am glad I have my cat back and I don't feel bad at all. But I am still curious to know what an objective observer thinks. AITA in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
CxAs0mUbIlnGt4wGCO3RcpV5eYToqqaM
|
a8vrw8
|
{
"description": "cutting off a friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off a friend?
|
This happened a while back during boys night, where pretty much all of the boys just hangout and have a great time. Anyway, for this particular boys night, we decided to hit up the state fair. So we took two cars there, I drove one, and my friend (let’s call him will, not the friend in question) drove another car. In total there were 8 guys, four in my car, four in will’s car, simple, and comfortable seating. We get there and I’m having a blast with all my buds, losing games and eating fucked up food, but I couldn’t help but notice Tim (guy in question) was mooching just a bit much, like a solid 30 dollars mooched from me, will and a couple of others,each! I remember the most fucked thing he did was ask will to get him a turkey leg 8$, took one bite of it, then handed it to me, I didn’t want it, so he tossed in the trash. Around 2 hours into the fair, I notice my keys are gone, and I freak, because we are far from home, and if I lose my keys, we’re fucked. I search around, and also notice Tim and will are missing. Tim eventually calls me and says we all need to go (sounds high), I ask where he is and if he knows about my keys, and he replies stupidly he’s at will’a car with my keys. I get a little mad because that meant he sneakily took my keys out of my bag, and just left. He goes on and says he needed to go early so he can get to a party, I say “fuck no you’re not, I need my keys.” He says he is gonna leave anyway, and so we send two people to go get my keys because they didn’t want to go on a ride. After a bit, they call me and say Tim gave them my keys, and he left. I leave the fair and take a full car load of people home. I’ve stopped talking to him, and ignore any messages he sends, so he has been calling me an asshole, saying that I owed him because he introduced me to that devils lettuce, but I felt it was justified. AITA?
Tl;dr guy ruined boys night by getting high and ditching us for a party, so I cut him off.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
aEMNGl2IEL4hGTvrwjRzXmjVX1yHvQl0
|
b84yjl
|
{
"description": "pursuing a girl that my friend/roommate has also expressed interest in",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for pursuing a girl that my friend/roommate has also expressed interest in?
|
For a few weeks I have been interested in a girl I met in one of my classes this semester. Because of this, when my roommates and I hosted a house party recently, I invited her hoping to interact outside of a classroom scenario. At the party, one of my roommates met her and also decided that he was interested. This doesn't particularly bother me so I wished him luck but personally felt no need to stop myself from continuing.
Girl and I have hung out a few times since then and we have been fairly flirtatious when doing so. When my other roommates found out about this, I was told I was being an asshole for not backing off and letting roommate go for it himself.
I don't want to cause any tension within the house but also don't feel I should back down just because someone else caught feelings. AITA Reddit?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
shsCLBTiHu6KXR5t7EDnzQnFRTZXzx24
|
a3jqbk
|
{
"description": "thinking my boyfriend is too clingly",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking my boyfriend is too clingly?
|
First post, also on mobile. I'm sure I'm going to mess all kinds of formatting up.
We are both 22, been living together for about 3 years now. Met in high school, but didnt start dating until we were adults. I should add this was/is our first "serious" relationship since high school.Throughout this time he's always been a little insecure about his place in the relationship (he considers me out of his league, which is utter BS) and this has translated to him being very nosey about where I'm going, what I'm doing and who I'm doing it with, who I'm texting etc. He's never demanding and it could be taken as a joke if he didn't ask every single time that my phone buzzes.
Also, I can't go anywhere without him asking/ demanding to tag along. We have spent almost every waking moment in the last 3 years together, interrupted only by work and the occasional extracurricular obligation. I have tried telling him I need some space here and there that isnt me going to work but he sees that as me "pulling away from him." If he wants to go to the store, he asks me to go too. Even down to the corner shop literally 30 seconds away, I have to go else he won't.
It's getting exhausting but his arguement is it's normal for people in a relationship to go everywhere together. I don't know about y'all, but this was not how I was raised. I feel more like a third parent than a boyfriend sometimes. This is in addition to a bunch of other "quirks" he has (has to have a goodbye kiss in public, always wanting PDA, needing to be right on me when sleeping etc) and I'm getting to the end of my rope with it. All of this to me was classic "clingy boyfriend" material, but seeing as this is the only serious relationship I've been in I wasnt sure. Am I the asshole for thinking he's being clingy, or did I miss something very important in relationship training?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Wyxc8TIPXZDLMw5qpZXJgQ4afd4qCGof
|
aumzpb
|
{
"description": "refusing to go to an english competition in order to stay with my grandma",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to go to an English competition in order to stay with my grandma?
|
As the title says , I refused to go to an English competition just to stay with my grandma , and here is why :
I was raised by my grandma and my aunt , and my cousin was like my brother . Sometime later my cousin left to get a job out of my country and my aunt left for the same thing , but in a different city.
Grandma took care of me every day , there wasn't a without her asking if I'm fine or if I'm hungry , etc.
Now I'm in highschool and I love English a lot since I basically use it everyday . I got into a normal highschool but my English teacher is my best friend's mom ( that doesn't mean I get good grades just 'cause I'm friends with her son ) . In the 2nd semester ( started in february , I don't know if it's different in other countries , Romania BTW. ) I had a competition/contest which was easier than the exercises I did in class ( this contest was last Sunday , 24th of Februray ) . The day before the contest , at around 23:00 my grandma felt really bad , as in ill . I gave her some water and her usual pills ( she has heart problems ) and waited a bit to see if she would get better . She didn't . I called an ambulance and thankfully it arrived really fast because I live about 2 minutes away from the county's hospital . I didn't close an eye all night because I didn't something bad to happen without me knowing about it . The contest was at 09:00 and we had to be there at 08:30 . I was really tired and in no shape to go to a contest which required me to use my brain . So I messaged my English teacher saying that I won't be able to come because I have to take care of my grandma . She didn't bother answering my message . Today I had English class and she started to rant about the fact that I didn't come and she said one thing that made me almost lose my mind : she wouldn't take me to any contests anymore because I'm not "serious". And everytime I would raise my hand and answer a question she would start saying stuff like "if only you did this yesterday" . My classmates started asking me after class what was her problem , what did I do to upset her . I explained everything and they didn't seem to be listening , so I just stopped . But one classmate who is in the same situation as I am , listened to the whole thing , which made me happy a bit .
My grandma is better now but still there is a chance that this will happen again .
​
​
TL&DR: Couldn't go to an English contest because my grandma felt ill , English teacher gets pissed and makes fun of me in class.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
yO6VXnUvlY2YFlhOCQ7jSQ6JsWmkgt0f
|
b3p9dy
|
{
"description": "refusing to go to the wedding of a man that accused me of stealing",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to go to the wedding of a man that accused me of stealing
|
My partner of 5 years just received an invite to the wedding of my ex-boss. We both started to work for this man at the same time, I'll call him Dean. During my employment, it was my job to run the food side of Dean's business. This was the first time Dean had owned his own business, and although both my partner and I have worked within the industry for a while, Dean refused to listen to our advice. Fair enough, it was his business not ours.
There were a lot of limitations, and Dean pushed me to create a menu that wasn't possible to pull off within the restrictions of the kitchen (no ventilation systems, so it was against regulations to deep fry or cook with a lot of oil etc). This resulted in Dean getting quite aggravated.
This aggravation accumulated in him sitting me down for a 'meeting' and accusing me of wasting his money on purpose. We had a heated debate about the importance of costing the dishes and buying in bulk to lower the cost of the items, but he couldn't understand why I was buying 180 eggs in a box for $0.10 each when we could go across the street and buy 12 for $0.22 each. In his mind my way was more expensive.
I left swiftly after I caught him searching my belongings without my consent accusing me of stealing from his business.
Now, my partner still works for him, although coming close to leaving herself a few times. Only her and one other member of staff got the invite to his wedding, so now she feels obligated to go (although she doesn't want to). She suffers from anxiety quite bad and doesn't want to be by herself. I told her she doesn't have to go, but she thinks she does as the invites were specific. I was included in the invite, to which I immediately said no, I don't want to be within his company, as he still tells members of staff I was stealing from him.
(funny fact, all his staff are girls now, quite young too. He says he doesn't hire men as they steal and he has bad experiences with them).
She's quite upset, and by the sounds of it, angry that I said I wouldn't go, stating that she has gone against her anxiety to attend events with me that have made her uncomfortable just to make me at ease during them.
AITA reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
oaXvt6MnEUoaldzlAbxYdBj5Fjgz2izH
|
a5y324
|
{
"description": "knocking over a nearly finished jigsaw puzzle",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for knocking over a nearly finished jigsaw puzzle?
|
This person called "Sam" asked me to go get something from their drawer for them.
So I go to Sam's room and in front of the drawer is a tv tray table with a large piece of cardboard on top.
On this cardboard was a nearly finished jigsaw puzzle.
So I carefully moved the table and open the drawer.
A few seconds later, the cardboard tilts and then slides off the tv tray table and the puzzle shatters to pieces on the ground.
Remaining on the tv tray table was two very small boxes that the cardboard was balancing on out of my view.
Am I the asshole for knocking over the puzzle after Sam asked me to go their room and get their item.
Or did Sam create a unsafe situation for their puzzle by negligibly balancing it on a pair of small boxes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
sysABQUyYpaARcRiKUJ8u7Z2HfdruXGj
|
b75nke
|
{
"description": "telling off two annoying young women in a restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for telling off two annoying young women in a restaurant?
|
I took my wife and teenage son out to an Applebee's today. There were two young women, late teens or early twenties, seated at a table near us. The whole time they were being loud, obnoxious and making crude jokes. Really low brow toilet humor. I don't feel comfortable repeating this trash talk, but just to give you an idea: One of the girls said there was a lot of meat in whatever she was eating and the other one quips that there was a lot of meat in her pants; One asked the other where she would like to go after they finished their meal and she suggested they go to the theater to, verbatim, "dick around with [their] dicks"; At one point, they were making inappropriate banter with a male waiter about the name of a cocktail, I didn't catch all of it and then when he walked away, one of them said to the other that she had "large dick energy"(?) for so brazenly talking to the waiter in that manner.
By that point, I had had enough. It's a family establishment, I was there with my young son, and their behavior was inappropriate. They were ruining our meal, so I confronted them. I told them they were being immature and that kind of talk had no place around children. They laughed like I had said something funny and one of them, loudly, questioned who's dad I was. I didn't want them making a scene and it was clear they were inebriated, so my parting words to them were if they're old enough to drink, they're more than old enough to know how to behave in public. I returned to my seat and they left soon after.
When we got home, my wife told me I was an ass for what I did and that our son probably makes worse jokes with his friend and they were just two gals having harmless fun. I don't agree with any of that and need Reddit to settle the score: was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
WRONG
|
bhJoE2psZdYdEFsvvlKWruCsQM0MSkQn
|
ajyvi7
|
{
"description": "choosing a guy over my best friend of four years",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for choosing a guy over my best friend of four years
|
This is a long story, so bear with me as this unfolds.
For four years, I've been extremely close friends with this girl who I'll call M. She's always been very intense and opinionated, but that side of her never reared an ugly head until a few months ago. Recently, I became friends with a guy. I'd kind of known him for three years, but never talked to him until now. (He'll be called B.) He's a really chill guy. I trust him a lot, we've become really good friends, and I've developed crush-like feelings for him. All of my friends were supportive of this at first. (We even combined our friend groups and started hanging out together as one large unit.) That is, until a few months ago when M started saying he's a horrible person out of nowhere.
I asked her why multiple times in a group chat where she first said this, then I confronted her privately. She just claimed he "gives her bad vibes". I tried to get her to elaborate on this, but she didn't. I let it be until she kept saying he was a bad person. I confronted her again on the issue; she said she was friends with his ex-girlfriend and their relationship ended messily. Of course, I already knew about this situation from B himself, but I asked her if he did anything to his ex, and she didn't answer. However, she wouldn't stop her claims that he was a bad person.
A few weeks pass, and B cancels a date we were supposed to go on because he wanted to be there for a mutual friend having a rough time. M asked me about it, so I explained the situation to her. She flipped out, said that was rude and that I was being strung along. I told her I didn't care that he canceled, that I wanted B to help out our friend if that's what he thought was best. She claims once again that he's a bad person and he makes her uncomfortable. When I pressed her about it, she talks about the ex-girlfriend again, but just reaffirms that they had a messy breakup. Then, she says that I have to choose who's more important in my life--him or her--because he makes her uncomfortable. I say that I'm sorry she's uncomfortable around him, but I don't want to choose. She stops talking to me for the night.
Then, I get a message from one of our mutual friends, R. R tells me that M ranted to him about the whole situation and said that she doesn't want to be friends with me. I freaked out. She and I had been fighting a lot (specifically about B), but I obviously still loved her. To hear she'd be talking behind my back hurt me more than what she said to my face.
The next day, I confronted her and said I shouldn't be forced to choose. She retaliated, saying I should've been more observant and known she was hurting from this. (Yes, she told me he "gave her bad vibes", but she also said she was happy because I was happy being friends with him. I know I should've checked in with her more on this, but I also feel like she should've communicated this better with me.) Then, she said I was friends with B because he "shared traits" with a family member who sexually abused me. 1. To my knowledge, B has never assaulted anyone. I encouraged M to tell me if he has, because I wouldn't want to be associated with him if he had. She didn't answer any of the times I asked her. 2. She doesn't know the family member in question, so she couldn't possibly know if they were anything alike otherwise. When I called her out for this, she said she was sorry I was upset, but not for what she said. After telling her how I was hurt over everything she's done (+other personal things in my life at the moment), she apologized for real.
I know this is stupid, but I honestly forgave her for a while. We were mostly friends again after this incident. We still fought, but we both excused it as a thing that all best friends do. This went on for a few weeks until I got sick of her continuing to talk shit about B \*and\* me to friends and to my face. I finally texted her to end it all. She accepted it, and we didn't talk again for a month.
A few days ago, I heard M was telling people secrets about me from the friend from before, R. I calmly texted her and asked her if it was true. She said yes, so I told her I wasn't happy about it. She claimed I was trying to text her again to pick a fight. At that point, I just stepped away and thanked her for answering my question. Today, she texted R asking him about what he told me. In their conversation, she said she had never been happier breaking off a relationship, that I guilt-tripped her into being friends again, that she never really wanted to be friends with me after that point anyway, that B was manipulating me, and that she never wanted to talk to me again. Keep in mind that she never communicated any of this to me.
Granted, I was never the greatest friend in the last months of us talking. As she said, I should've been more observant. Often I ranted too much about my own issues, and I was probably an emotional burden in some way. However, I also listened to her when she ranted, even when she ranted about B to my face. I should've been more attentive, but she should've communicated her frustrations before they hit a boiling point. I don't hate her by any means. She was a very important person in my life, and I'll always reminisce about the good times we had, but the way she handled this, I feel, was unreasonable.
Keep in mind that there are lots of details to this story, but I'd feel petty for including those, because they paint her in more of a bad light than not. This account is definitely biased in some way, but I tried to give her (both in real life and in this post) as much benefit of the doubt as possible. I just want closure now.
tl;dr my close friend of four years was uncomfortable I was friends with someone she didn't like, so after months of putting up with her bullshit, I dumped her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
oRzcme3vu3LeNeMD09P2CfZThz3EfB2q
|
azhmhx
|
{
"description": "sleeping with my friends wife",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for sleeping with my friends wife?
|
One of my college friends, let's call him Dave, is married to a woman we'll call Cindy.
​
Dave and I ran in the same circles and we were friends, but we weren't close. We never hung out without any of our mutual friends being there. Cindy also ran in the same circles, which is how Dave and her started dating.
​
Right after college, Dave and Cindy got married. That was about 3 years ago. They do not have any kids. From the outside, it looked like they had a happy marriage. Until recently, Dave came out as gay and was divorcing Cindy.
​
Cindy confided in me about this, and I really felt bad for her. In my opinion, this was an asshole move on Dave's part. I understand it can be difficult to come out of the closet, but his hesitance and refusal to do so impacts more than just himself. If he was the only person he was hurting, I'd be sympathetic to him. But he's hurting Cindy, too, which IMO makes him a huge asshole.
​
Anyway, Cindy and I started sleeping together. She and Dave are separated even if they're not technically divorced. She and I aren't dating or anything like that, just FWB.
​
Dave found out about it and is pissed. But I don't think I'm the asshole, I think he is. Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
pGXU3yPDrjX7ATSU4KCidjPIIZU65t75
|
aeln61
|
{
"description": "leaving my girlfriend alone in the street",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for leaving my girlfriend alone in the street?
|
This happened a few ago and it still gets brought up when I make an impulsive decision. In the words of my girlfriend, I have a “hero mentality” and I’m going to get myself killed one day. When I see something happening, I’ll run towards it and not away.
I was out with my girlfriend one night, when I heard someone yell and another person run away. My natural instinct is to run towards the issue, so I instantly just started running towards the person running away. A few minutes later I caught them, shouldered them into a building and they fell. I held them down and called the police. I called my girlfriend right after and told her where I was, then she met up with me while I was waiting for the cop with tears going down her face. She said she was terrified for herself and for me, and her being scared makes me feel pretty awful too.
She said she loves me but she doesn’t know if she can stay with me if I continue to do this because she can’t “have her child be fatherless because he got himself killed”. I understand that I never know what weapons people have on them, or if they’re crazy or not, but I can’t really help my instinct. Am I the asshole for doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
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