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beaJLW7FXJ86p6EtJiE8l4sy0EriUYzK
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b4pzuv
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{
"description": "refusing to be my best man's best man",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for refusing to be my best man's best man?
|
I met "A" through mutual friends about 10 years ago, and we became very close. He was the best man in my wedding and we had a lot of shared interests and passions.
So eventually A’s wife left him, after a long period of steadily increasing toxicity in their marriage. Ten weeks later, A moved in with “M,” the new woman. I don’t believe he intended me to know this. Aside from some "let's get together sometime" that never came to fruition despite my sincere efforts, contact between us substantially ceased completely.
Almost exactly a year later, A contacted me out of the blue asking to meet and asked me to be his best man when he married M. I didn't give him an answer at that time, but expressed several reservations which, over time, solidified into a hard pass. They were:
* A was presuming on a friendship that he had essentially killed by his own choices (not his lifestyle choices, but specifically his ignoring-me choices).
* Although I took into his account his repeated assertions that their relationship was much healthier than the one with his previous wife, and that he was very happy, everything else I knew from a distance was negative. A relationship that progressed extremely quickly to cohabitation presumptively tending toward marriage, while he was, by his own subsequent account, still a wreck from his previous failed marriage, and which had, once begun, and which had resulted in the severance of most of his other social relationships (danger signal!), and in which there were financial, practical, and, I’m sorry to say, professional reasons to stay in the relationship, left me with the impression that his decision-making was probably compromised.
* Also, I morally object to premarital cohabitation, and he always had as well, which meant that he was now in a relationship which was inducing him to contravene his own stated morals and beliefs, another nontrivial danger signal. But also, even if he had undergone a moral epiphany and was ok with it, I wasn't prepared to endorse it.
In a subsequent conversation, I told him that I'd stand up in his wedding on one of three conditions: That the couple make other living arrangements until the wedding (then some 8 months distant), or that they immediately get married by a judge, or if their premarital counselor could convince me it was wise. He promised to consider these and discuss them with M.
I'm not sure whether he considered or not. We continued to interact casually, but eventually he called me up and told me he was up against a deadline for tuxedos and needed me to answer one way or the other. I told him my concerns had not been dealt with and that unless he had new information for me, the answer was still no. I attended the wedding as a guest. And I've been struggling with the decision ever since. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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afsov0
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{
"description": "not telling my tinder \"date\" I had my period before meeting her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not telling my tinder "date" I had my period before meeting her?
|
AITA here?
Ok, so, I have really been sitting here thinking on this one because I genuinely don't know if i'm in the wrong. I actually created an account just to tell this story here and get opinions lol. I don't have any negative feelings towards the people in this story, in fact I really enjoyed meeting them and did have a nice time, so this isn't to bash them, just to hear what people outside the situation think.
So the other night I was drinking at home watching Netflix and swiping through Tinder. I am a female and have my tinder set to only show me other females. Any girl who uses tinder will tell you this is kind of a nightmare because you get absolutely bombarded with "hey girl my boyfriend and I are looking for a third xx" messages or just straight girls who will talk to you for hours but never actually meet up with you. Because of this I RARELY meet anyone from tinder (I think i've met like 3-4 people ever) but this night I think a combination of me being drunk and bored made me a little more open.
So I get a message from a girl. We'll call her Taylor (not her real name). She asks what i'm doing and we chat a bit about how we're both at home drinking. This is when she mentions a boyfriend. Right away I was like "mmmmm idn" but she didn't act like most of the couples that normally contact me, which is that they pretty much immediately make clear their intention of bringing you in to have a threesome with them. In fact, she said that her boyfriend was in and out doing some stuff, and that she was just hanging out alone for the most part. She asked if i'd like to come over and drink with her. Now, I need to make this very clear: what was said to me was "do you want to come over and have some wine with me and hang out" she then added "no expectations" and said that she just wanted someone to chill with. She did add that she found me attractive (based on my photos) but what I was getting from this conversation was that she was not bringing me over with the expectation that I was to sleep with her (or her and her boyfriend) but of course if things happen, they happen.
I know that right away people are going to call me naive and say that tinder is just for hookups but of the people that I have personally met on there, these were my experiences. One was a girl who I ended up not having a connection with but we did hang out a few times as friends. The other two were guys. One took me out to dinner, no real connection, didn't speak again. The other had me over to his house for drinks and was respectful, didn't try to sleep with me at all. Tried to meet up with him again but due to him living a few hours away it didn't work out. So I just want to make clear that in my experience, not everyone on tinder is just looking for you to come over and fuck them immediately. In fact, I have friends who have met their boyfriend or girlfriend on tinder and didn't sleep with them the first time they met.
None of this would probably have ever ended up on reddit were it not for what was apparently the worst thing i've ever done (sarcasm) .. not telling this girl before I went over to her house that I was on my period.
So I arrive and I meet Taylor and her boyfriend. We'll call him John. She was right about John mostly being in and out as he left a few times to take out the dog, to go to store, etc. Nearly the entire time I was there I spent sitting on the couch with her, talking makeup, hair, pets, etc. Pretty casual topics. After about an hour or two John is home for good and Taylor suggests a drinking game. We play the drinking came for a while (cards) when I go down the hall to use the bathroom. When I leave the bathroom and go back into the living room I see they are gone. I hear "in here!" and realize they are in the bedroom.
So.. I go into the bedroom where Taylor is naked and John is partially undressed. I get up and sit on the bed and look her dead in the face and say "I just want you to know, i'm on my period". She says she doesn't care and begins to undress me, where I then tell her again that I am on my period, and she says "you are, really?" but doesn't stop anything. We all hook up, but it becomes mostly Taylor and I or just Taylor and John since I am limited to what I can do. The entire time I really felt like John was not into this, at all, which I totally understand. I kind of just made the best of the situation even though I didn't know these people at all or where their boundaries lie, I kind of just followed Taylors lead.
Anyway, I end up calling a cab afterward and go home and pass out.
In the morning I wake up to texts from Taylor which seem pretty casual. "Did you get home ok?" etc. Pretty soon she starts discussing what had happened the night before saying "I wish I had known you were on your period" to which I reply something along the lines of "yeah sorry, that just felt like an awkward thing to say to someone you haven't met before you come over when you aren't sure what is going to happen". The fact that she said so early on in our tinder chat "no expectations" kept replaying in my mind.
I'm not going to go into too much detail about what was said, because it would get too graphic, but basically, she said that it felt more like her and I just hooking up (it did) and questioned why I didn't allow John to penetrate me. Honestly? John didn't seem too upset to not have that chance (he was really, really stoned also lol). I also told her I didn't want to assume that John was ok with something like that and it's an awkward thing to ask of someone you've just met, especially in the middle of the "moment". Some guys are cool with it, and some would be disgusted at even being asked to have sex with a girl (and a girl they don't know!!) on her period. This went back and forth for a while, with her basically explaining that it was a big disappointment for her (but not John, apparently? She said he was cool either way and was just really high and wasn't too concerned) and me saying sorry over and over in every way I could think to. One of the last messages she sent me ended with "... because that was NOT a threesome".
I've been left feeling very guilty and as if I did something wrong, ruined their evening or wasted their time. It upsets me too because I really felt like I connected with them (whether that connection was purely platonic or whatever, who knows, but I had a GREAT time hanging out with them, laughing, drinking, talking about our country vs Johns home country, etc).
I almost felt... shamed? If that makes any sense, for not telling them that I wouldn't be able to do certain things and for not giving them a night that was up to their expectations, even though I went there without the premise that the night was about sex. I just felt bad, and guilty, and like i'd somehow made a huge mistake that had wasted peoples time. I still think Taylor is a really nice person and I could absolutely see us being friends (or more) in the future, but i'm not sure that'll happen now lol. I spent much less time with John and haven't texted with him at all but I did also find him really funny and interesting to talk to.
So... am I the asshole for not telling the girl I met on tinder (and her boyfriend) that I had my period before going to her house for drinks? Should I have said something before I found them in the bedroom? If I am the asshole, should I just not meet people on tinder at all when I have my period?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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9ukagw
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{
"description": "lying to a family of 4 I need of help",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for lying to a family of 4 i need of help
|
I was at Kroger today at night and a family of 4 looked well but then tell me they were waiting for the father's boss to come and give him his paycheck but they say the boss never showed then asked if I can give them a ride to their motel 20 mins away (said they are getting an apartment when the check came in) . Then I lied and said I have to be somewhere in 15 mins. They asked if I could spare some money and I had $50 bill in my wallet but I'm a college student and looking for a job (still 18 and I was at Kroger shopping for my mom). I told them I only have credit and they left. Now the thing is I don't know how they ended up at Kroger that's 20 mins away from motel with no money at all and have all the kids with them. I'm not trying to get robbed or anything so I just lied so AITA.
Summary: don't know if family of 4 lied about needing a ride or money.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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gcWJJHEo04yk8kckwS9ARFW2rG3JzbKW
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b6o0vo
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{
"description": "wanting to walk while going into labor",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to walk while going into labor?
|
I'm 38 weeks and 4 days (full term) on baby #4. There's just barely 11 months between our last two kids and I'm freaking tired and sore.
My pregnancy has been rough the last 2 months. The baby was breech up to 37 weeks and when he finally flipped the unexpected pressure caused me to end up with several hemorrhoids that I had to have removed and left me nearly incapable of walking. He went breech again and this morning I was in the hospital to have him flipped again. They told me I was full term and good to go into labor at any time but being that I had three more days to 39 weeks they couldn't induce me because of insurance purposes. Given the baby has gone breech twice, which would mean I needed a c-section, I was not eager to have to wait it out and risk him flipping again.
We came home after the successful flip, I went and layed down for a nap and woke up to contractions. Given I was having some decent contractions I wanted to go for a walk to hope to speed things up. Like I mentioned I'm very tired being pregnant. I also historically have had very long labors with my shortest one being 8 hours from the time of checking into hospital to birth and my longest being 74 hours from check-in to birth, my third being 36+.
My husband got upset at me because I was trying to walk and speed things up and he wanted to go to his kids swimming class. I got upset because I didn't appreciate his kids swim class being more important than me possibly going into labor. I never asked him to stay home with me, although I do believe he should have and in the end I adamantly told him to go to the swim class because I was so angry he was trying to get me to go sit down and slow things down. AITA for walking to speed things up and not wanting to be pregnant anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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abmfex
|
{
"description": "leaving au pair host family suddenly",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for leaving au pair host family suddenly?
|
I au paired for 5 months for a pretty nice family. We had our issues, but they didn’t abuse me and I can honestly say that they weren’t the reason i wanted to leave. I realize I may come off like such a drama queen, but the reason I left was because I felt my mental health declining due to being stuck in the house for a full 6 days a weeks. I wasn’t extremely depressed, but I was lethargic and irritable and sad often. I honestly felt a loss of freedom as I am in a big city that can be a bit dangerous, and even on my days off I had to constantly check in with my host family so they knew I was safe. I got to a point where I knew that it wasn’t healthy for me to stay, and it wasn’t even beneficial for the kids to deal with me when I was irritable and miserable. A month before I left I told them I was unhappy and would be leaving within the next couple of weeks, but I didn’t give them a set date. I’m sure they expected me to tell them a week or two before I really left. That’s where I went wrong, and decided to leave (I was having a super miserable day) and left the home within a few hours of telling them. Now that I’m more level headed, I see how distasteful this was and I will definitely apologize for the way that I left. I guess I’m curious on how others see it, was I a huge asshole?
I should make it known that I didn’t leave them with no childcare. The mother is a stay at home and they have a lot of family support if she couldn’t watch them for some reason.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
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AUTHOR
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{
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WRONG
|
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b0186q
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{
"description": "ending a 13 year friendship because they called me disgusting for asking for money after helping them out",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ending a 13 year friendship because they called me disgusting for asking for money after helping them out?
|
This all started around November 2018 when this friend of mine called me out and asked me to tell her the details of my mental health issues (I have aspergers). It was messy night of me crying and her literally making me tell her everything "that's wrong" with me. Of course I didn't speak to her for a while after that.
We made up on new years eve but didn't speak for a month or so after. A few weeks ago she called me at 10pm telling me she had been kicked out of her house (she's 23 and this happens often) and her mother wouldn't even let her get some shoes. I send her money to get a taxi (about £20) and she turns up an hour later with no shoes, soaking wet from the rain. Of course I feel sorry for her so I sit her down and pour her a glass of wine and give her my cigarettes. This of course is totally fine to me, don't think twice about it.
I tell her I'm away from 11am until 1am the next day and she says that's okay. I get back 1am on the Sunday and she's drunk with my parents and says "duanxiu i smoked all your tobacco and took the money from your room" and I say that's fine.
The next day we had a family dinner scheduled at a family restaurant and of course they invite her. On the way there she asks me if I'm buying tobacco, which I say yes I am. We finish dinner which my parents pay for and we go home. I have 2 bottles of wine, one is an expensive white one that I love and paid for, the other is a cheap red. I tell her the white is mine and that she will have to drink the red, at this point she starts telling me that it's unfair because she doesn't like red wine and that I'm being mean to her. I'm annoyed but I oblige and give her the expensive wine and she continues to smoke all of my tobacco.
The entire 5 days this has been going on she has been telling me she will pay me on Friday (she left on Tuesday) so It's fine with me as long as she pays some of it, I don't want it all, she's in a bad situation.
Friday comes and she sends me £20, the taxi money. I don't think this is right but I don't wanna say anything so I don't but it troubled me, so I asked my family and friends and they all said I should just ask her for £10 and I was like... okay.
So I do, I send a polite message stating that "I know you're going through a hard time right now but could you possibly send me a tenner for the booze and tobacco?" and the next day she responds with "This is the most disgusting message I have ever received." I tried defending myself that i'd sent her a polite message asking for 1/4 of the money I spent on her but she continued to say cruel things to me so I blocked her.
Last night she sent me a message that I haven't opened but it starts with her apologising. I haven't responded and I don't want to but I feel like an arse for ignoring it.
AITA for ignoring this message?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a8xkks
|
{
"description": "not spending time with my family at Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not spending time with my family at Christmas?
|
Every year my immediate family makes an effort to have a Christmas with both sides of our family, this event on my Dad's side involves traveling about seven hours by car and staying in a small town and spending time with an uncomfortably large number of relatives that I don't really know well. I decided I'm not going and, my family, especially my mother, is very upset by this.
​
To give some background, this is the first time in a couple years that I am physically able to make this trip due to past medical issues, also, this is the first time I am not living with my parents, so they can't pull any my house my rules crap. Before that when I was able to go, I never related much with anyone there. I am quite introverted, living on my own now, I enjoy choosing when to socialize and who to socialize with. Having grown up in a family is everything kumbaya type of culture it took me a while to figure this out. I don't consider family to have any special meaning, I'm pretty indifferent towards extended family, and I honestly don't like my parents. I do make the effort to visit and meet up with my parents every once in a while and I'm going to the other Christmas on my mom's side, which is a smaller travel and time commitment. But all gatherings with them is a chore for me that I really don't enjoy, and I draw the line at them taking up so much of my time and social energy at Christmas. They will never understand this and I'll never tell them that I don't really like being around them, obviously.
​
So that's it, my main reason for not going is fuck traditional families stick together culture, I don't feel like making the trip. Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
agxv7o
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{
"description": "telling a charity worker to go away in rather more explicit terms",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling a charity worker to go away in rather more explicit terms?
|
I’m not in the best financial position as it is, but people seem to insist on pushing you to give them money even when you tell them you can’t afford it. I mean, I just literally told the guy I am living paycheck to paycheck and can’t afford to buy myself a coffee this month let alone donate on a monthly basis to the charity, yet he still kept pushing.
I shouldn’t have to explain myself and I really should have just walked away when he wasn’t giving up, but I couldn’t stop myself telling him to f*ck off.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 1,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
9x6syy
|
{
"description": "calling my girlfriend an attention whore",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for calling my girlfriend an attention whore
|
It sounds horrible but it wasn't that bad. I didn't necessarily call her an attention whore, I told her to stop acting like one. She has some friends that are extremely into politics. I just find them stupid and ignorant. Politics is all about making one group of people seem worse than your group of people. It's so annoying, she always tries to be someone else while with them. I know her well enough to know she is apolitical like me so seeing her try to act like she's into it and going to protest is so insufferable.
Her friends came over and she started trying to make this "rant" about college bias'. I just couldn't handle it and I cut her off midway to tell her to stop being like her stupid friends and that I know she isn't like that so she needs to stop acting like an attention whore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
WRONG
|
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|
b2qkk5
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{
"description": "telling my friend's wife that dude is spending like 8 hours a day playing hentai games on steam",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my friend's wife that dude is spending like 8 hours a day playing hentai games on steam?
|
Crushing steam to play tales of Maj'nag or whatever, some rogue-like I have played for fifty million years because I'm old as dirt and never beat it because I'm bad at video games - I come across my friend mashing out some hentai games.
At first, I was like "Heh, what a goof" but it suddenly got werid because one game after another, dude was just playing hentai after hentai. It started with Hunnipop but got into weird furry and fat gender twist fetish stuff and this guy was blowing his PTO to crank out an eight hour masturbation session.
So, his wife and I are friends and I am like "Hey, just wondering, but how is your husband doing?" and she said "Well, he had to take time off of work because his father died recently..." which I knew was a lie. I laughed and said "He must grief in a funny way." and she said "What?" and I told her about the three days where all he did was game online and play massive amounts of hentai.
Well, I thought it would be funny but it wasn't because she stormed out and I heard from the grapevine that their marriage might be on their last legs.
​
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
ujXbt6u3maAtjBYZMh6v9lAQH4yOpzPz
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b74760
|
{
"description": "telling 2 friends they need to get jobs",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I told 2 friends they need to get jobs?
|
So my group of friends consists of me and 4 other people. 2 of those friends are brothers. The are almost 30 and have never had a job. They still live with their dad in a camper on their family's property. Their dad is in his late 60's and recently was let go from his job.
We have a game night every Friday. They are there every Friday and we always get food and basically just play video games and bullshit for a while. They never pitch in for the food of course or they will bum money from their dad to pitch in, which none of us are comfortable taking.
So they ask one of our other friends whether his job was hiring currently, and he said he would look into it, thinking they were finally going to step up. However, they were asking because in their words, Their dad needs to get off his lazy ass and get another job soon.
WIBTA if I told them they need to get a job or tell them they cant come to game night anymore if they dont? Game night is always at my house. Sorry if this is a bit jumbled I'm on mobile
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "refusing to step down from being president of a club after I was just elected",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for refusing to step down from being president of a club after I was just elected?
|
Let me start this by introducing all the parties. C and CH are the current co presidents, A my newly elected co-President who ran alongside with me. C and I have been on extremely shaky grounds since December, however, our relationship with each other has improved significantly since them to the point where I would have classified us as somewhere between acquaintances and friends.
Last week, we held elections for the positions that needed to be filled next year, C was the one facilitating the elections. Since everyone who ran for a position ran unopposed, everyone received the position that they ran for, including A and I as co-presidents. C named us co-presidents and wrote our names next to “president” on the elections chart we made on the board.
Today, C sends A and I an email saying that she was reading the club constitution because she was bored and that there can’t be 2 presidents and there can only be 2 Vice Presidents. She told us one of us had to either step down or we had to hold re-elections.
I replied saying that if that is the case then the constitution should be amended and that I am unwilling to step down since we have already been elected. They proceeded to reply that the constitution can not be edited at all and that it was difficult for them to have co-presidents this semester. A said that she feels that we should respect the constitution and that she feels that we could have worked well together but if the constitution doesn’t say it’s possible to have co-presidents, then we should do re-elections. C then proceeds to say that she will send out a poll to vote between A and I (which at this point I still have not agreed to.) I then said that I would rather not be in an organization that changes its decisions when it’s convenient for the presidents gain. C then says Sounds good and says I’m absolutely welcome to drop out of the club if I want to.
I then went to speak with the faculty advisor of the club who agreed that we should keep the position that we were fairly elected to and that the constitution can and should be amended. The current constitution also states that it is possible to amend the constitution. C then says that this sounds good but to be sure to add that if there are 2 presidents then there can be no Vice President. I told her that was not acceptable considering we elected a Vice President at the last meeting. She then says that she will talk to the faculty advisor tomorrow and then I requested to be part of this conversation as well to ensure that my voice wasn’t lost or misrepresented. C and Ch then both respond saying that they are going to speak to the advisor during class and that I can’t come.
I have not responded since then, I’m genuinely incredibly angry. I feel like I’m being made out to be the bad guy in this situation. Am I the asshole for refusing to step down from my position?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
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|
RIGHT
|
1W4cRDSu1od22FN5dG6URpI3qJfMBJwJ
|
b3gsny
|
{
"description": "moving the switch",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for moving the switch
|
I’m trying to keep it under the word limit.
I just bought a switch two days ago after we lost the first one in a house fire. The moment I get it all set up with the games back on and downloaded, my bfs little sister wanted to play it. Long story short she played way more than I did, always wanting to be first to play, and first player on the one multiplayer game we had, Pokémon let’s go evee. She changed my whole character on fortnite, except for the emotes. Typical kid stuff, nothing I wasn’t expecting but a little annoyed at her taking over and not letting me have a go at my own gaming system. I maybe played for 10 minutes. For this, I wouldn’t have moved my switch.
Yesterday, I was home from 5pm (when she’s back from after school program) and I decided around 7 or 8 to play fortnite with my bfs brothers gf. The moment I go in to get my game, she asks if I’m playing, and I said yeah, she asked if she could play. I said no she asked why, and I replied because it’s my turn. She said please (I love it when she asks nicely but hate it when she is told no and starts begging.) I told her no and she said please again. I told her if she keeps begging she won’t get what she wants. I leave to play with my friend on fortnite. Eventually her bf comes and tells me his sister wants me to come to her. She would usually come in or ask to come into the room where we are. But she wants me out. I don’t, because I know that she wants the switch and I want to play on it without her trying to take over it. She gets upset and her mom talks to her. We talked today and I figured out that she didn’t want to give something to me like she told my bf, she wanted the switch. I’m thinking she wanted me to come out because her mom was there and to pressure me to either giving up the switch for her to play, or say no and she gets upset in front of her mom, making me look like the bad guy. After this behavior yesterday, I had taken the switch from the living room and put it in my room. Anyone can still use it, but now it’s under my supervision. AITA for doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6gw0OLiFNeS9sw2fcjfX9LNErlX1jlgR
|
aivvnx
|
{
"description": "keeping customer service on the phone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for keeping customer service on the phone
|
Writing this for a friend:
I’m a small business owner who has a pretty dope site with a ton of small (tasteful) style features. Of course it gets complicated when designing the site which I take a very hands on approach alongside freelance developers. I don’t mind paying for what I want and to make it look amazing (the site gets redone seasonally).
I have icons on a menu that were working fine until they turned into little error messages without any changes having been made to the site. Everyone working on the site and the customer service for the services I use all say that it’s a problem on the hosting side. Ok, so I call the hosting service (hint: the largest one) and the customer service representative says I’ll need to speak to premium support and pay $50 and hour to fix my issue. If this was development there would be no problem but all indications point to it being the host’s issue that I have not messed with in a long time so of course I’m not going to pay that so I decide to keep this guy on the line forever (I have multiple phones) since he’s not allowed to hang up. Fuck it if they want to be scummy I’ll cost them money and get this guy some overtime pay, he didn’t complain, or really comment at all at that.
It’s been a few hours now and I’m down to run this marathon till the cows come home from pasture and then some.
Am I the asshole?
TLDR:
Web company wants to charge premium customer service to fix their error so I’m holding the free customer service representative hostage over the phone. I’m not stingy and have paid for all manners of site service before no problem.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
rSCsAbISHpxMLtfF0dLsCfbsohDOPILL
|
ak56z3
|
{
"description": "lying to my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for lying to my parents
|
So my parents forced me to get a degree in a course that I was not remotely fond of. I tried to tell them about it several times but they always throw a fit and I didn't know what to do so I just sucked it up and played along. But it hurting me mentally too much and I couldn't take it so I just quit the uni and applied to the programs that I actually wanna be in. They found out somehow and they say I'm the asshole. Am I really?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
nFky3gIZBsa1ob9M45mQ29NtnPuV2VDH
|
a54pwb
|
{
"description": "telling my dad his dog is not my responsibility",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my dad his dog is not my responsibility?
|
This might be long. Okay so my dad used to worked overseas he came back home a few months ago and less than a month before his trip he tells me he's bringing a French bulldog with him I didn't know about it. Now the landlord said no to dogs but his cool so he allowed. So I should mention that my partner and I shared a house with my mom and brothers along with our toddler.
Anyway he comes home with the dog everything was okay bc he would care for the dog well in August he leaves to work in another state leaving the dog in my preteen brothers care the first few weeks they all about the dog but lately we gotta remind to take the dog out, give the dog food, bring him back inside and everything. Now when they in school I do all of that. But recently when his outside early in the mornings (bothers leave him out before going to school) when I'm asleep he starts barking idk what he's barking at but I'm woken up by it and so is my son.
So I'm talking to my dad a few days ago and he tells me he's coming for Christmas so I asked him if his taking the dog with him and he tells me yes to which I said good bc I'm tired of being woken up in the mornings by his barking also I heard the neighbors complaining. He then starts going off on the phone about how we got his expensive pedigree blue collar dog out in the cold and rain and how we just don't care about the dog and that's probably why he barks so much, he keeps talking without giving me a change and I'm like we don't let ur dog out in the cold okay it's not always cold here and when it rains I take him out on the leash to the front yard to do his business but he just keeps on saying how expensive his dog is and we should care for him better he's yelling at me when he should be talking to my brothers. I'm getting fed up with his yelling so I tell him that I'm not responsible for his dog bc I never ask for one and that he needs to talk to my brothers bc it's their responsibility, now he's all offended and mad that I said that and he said he bought the dog for us and that it's a family dog. I told him again I'm not responsible for a dog I never asked for bc I got better things to care about like work and my son and that he's only saying it's a family dog bc someone gotta take care of it and that he only got the dog to breed and make money and that when he starts making money from it, is it gonna be for everybody? no, it won't. So he kept going off and before he knew it I had gave the phone to my brother.
I also told him it's a good thing my partner and I getting our own place soon bc I'm pregnant and had always suffer from insomnia which is also why I'm tired of being woken up by a barking dog in the mornings like i need my sleep and i want to enjoy it as much as I can.
And of course I still watch after the dog.
So AITA for telling him I'm not responsible for his dog?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
KWSFiHlwQ72OeYVYrw0yGVhmjkPOKhY3
|
ba6z28
|
{
"description": "telling my parents that my sister had a boyfriend though my sister pleaded me not to",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for telling my parents that my sister had a boyfriend though my sister pleaded me not to
|
This happened a year ago, my sister had been seeing this guy for a few months. She had to do this in secrecy because my parents wouldn't approve. When I found out that she was seeing this boy, she pleaded me not to tell my parents, and initially I agreed.
But a few days later, I realized that having a boyfriend was a huge distraction for my sister. She was dwindling a bit on the studies front. She was really smart, and I wanted her to get into an extremely good college. So long story short, I told my parents, that she had been seeing this boy, and soon enough, she stopped seeing him. My sister was extremely devastated and spent a lot of time crying. It was the most painful week of her life.
But fast forward one year, my sister has just gotten into UCLA, a very prestigious school. She got extremely good test scores, and became laser focused in school work, and also involved in a lot of clubs.
So in hindsight was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 18
}
|
WRONG
|
KodFu2YVcVCGNFDJcBhE0qCriPkBTGM5
|
b36c4k
|
{
"description": "banging my Ex's sister",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for banging my Ex's sister?
|
So I was engaged to my Ex and was with her for 5 and a bit years. I was always close to her family, but mostly her sister, who has 3 children (all of which call me uncle to this day). The relationship deteriorated after I found out she was cheating on me with multiple people, I tried to reconcile (bad decision on my part) although not long after the relationship ended.
6 months pass and my Ex still continued to contact me for emotional support, advice, favours etc. I pandered to her for a while but began to actively ignore her.
About a month after we broke up I was involved in an orgy with her sister, her sister's partner and another couple. Some months after that her sister broke up with her boyfriend and we began have sex every couple of weeks.
Yesterday her sister told her that we have had sex.
My Ex did not take it well and had a huge go at me, making me out to be the bad guy, which incentivised me to respond to her quite harshly.
I know that this drama has not reached its end just yet but I have been wondering AITA for banging my Ex's sister?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
Q6ShN939Az1jvtpFm9PMaDf9yWTyEbdh
|
b44j81
|
{
"description": "asking a girl if I could sit next to her",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking a girl if I could sit next to her.
|
TL;DR at the bottom.
We (90 kids) are on our way back from a geography excursion, and we are catching public transport (bus) back to school. Half of us got on the first bus and even with our group being split up, surprise, seating was a bit of an issue. Luckily it was the middle of the day and the bus was nearly empty.
My mates and I run up the back being and get seats first. Everyone else gets on and all the seats are now full, obviously a few people are standing up. I see a friend of mine (C) go up to a girl (F) and ask if he can sit next to her (she has her bag on the chair taking up a space). She says no and my friend just continues up to the back and stands. I ask C what happened and he tells me F was saving it for a friend. I give C my seat and stand and don't think much about it.
Halfway back to school I notice F still has her bag on her chair, it didn't look like the friend she was saving the seat for planned on showing up. Bit of background info, F is bisexual and very out going. She has been bullied (the teachers know about it I think it's mostly stopped) in the past about it by people I am in no way involved in. C is also quite shy but otherwise a very nice person, also not involved in the bullying. I go up to her, and knowing her personality (she is very emotional), I do my best to be as non threatening and as easy going as possible. I ask her if either myself or C can sit there, as I've noticed that the seat is empty except for her bag. F then groans and goes "omg can't you just leave me alone!". She seemed pissed off. I'm confused so I ask why can't I sit there. At this point a few of the girls behind her are telling me to piss off etc. One of them is my mates gf and I don't want to get into the shits with her so I leave it at that and go back to my mates.
From the way people responded it seems like I was being a dick, which is why I brought this here. If I am the asshole an explanation as to why would be great.
TL;DR: Ask a girl to move her bag because the bus is packed and there are no seats. She responds as if I've slapped her. AITA.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
L516lF678dav1z2zSq09MogrLTHYg84L
|
b3can5
|
{
"description": "getting a thermostat that locks my roommate out",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
WIBTA for getting a thermostat that locks my roommate out?
|
So me(24/F) and my roommate, let's call him G(27/m), have recently moved in together. We were not very good friends beforehand- but since we moved in together, he has been trying to be my best friend. I state this because it feels like it makes him feel like he can get away with more things and cross more boundaries this way.
However, the major issue at hand for me is financial things. He eats my food, and justifies it by saying he made a meal for us- when I didn't ask for it. I don't have that kind of money as someone who's out on her own for the first time. The MAJOR issue is that he insists on turning the heat up to 80, when we pay gas separately. We decided on a 50/50 split of all utility bills which was great for me at first. So, I decided to talk to him about this and tell him that 80 degrees especially during springish weather is not financially smart and I would prefer him to keep it lower. He would then go behind my back later, after I turn it down, to turn it to something like "79" so it's not technically 80.
So, being at my wit's end, I ask him if we could change the dynamic of the bills considering he sees a higher temperature as something worth it to him- whereas for me, that high of degrees honestly has me sweating.
He says no. He says that in the adult world, that's one of the challenges you deal with as roommates, and he doesn't consider it a "50/50" roommate arrangement if I'm only paying a third of the heating bill. So, I decided I'm going to get a smart thermostat that connects to my phone- and will allow me to lock the temperature from being changed while I'm gone, in my room, etc. WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
RIGHT
|
N242dpVpVvxKzMYStRR1fIcMyucwcIbs
|
aksi9e
|
{
"description": "holding a 3 year grudge against my aunt",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for holding a 3 year grudge against my aunt?
|
I’ve never posted to reddit so sorry if it’s not formatted correctly or has any other problems but I recently found this subreddit and I want to know others people’s opinions on this situation.
My grandma had lived with my family throughout my whole life and she was a big parental role for me and my siblings. She was diagnosed with cancer when we were all still in elementary school so we tried our best to help. When she asked, we would get her water or make her food most of the time.
Of course, us as kids, we would getting annoyed with it sometimes (we would have rather continued playing games or whatever) but never out right refused anything from her.
At the time of this incident, our cousins were living with us and they had 2 daughters who were also close with my grandma, they would hang out in her room her and just be really sweet with her.
My great aunt (her sister) took her to an appointment (something that she rarely did). When they got back, me and my siblings were all called downstairs. They told us that the cancer had come back, and my great aunt started telling me and my siblings (11, 13, and 15 years old at the time) how we needed to step up and if we didn’t we were going to be banned from our grandma’s funeral. My great aunt told us that my cousin’s daughters took care of my grandma more than we did. We were all really hurt by this since we did the best we could to help our grandma.
Almost 3 years later, me and my siblings have never been apologized to. My grandma eventually passed away and we didn’t even hold a funeral so she couldn’t ban us from that. I don’t really see my great-aunt a lot but when I do she acts like nothing ever happened and i’m still really hurt by what she told me.
There’s probably way more I could add on background but I think I got most of it.
So, am I the asshole for holding an almost 3 year grudge against my aunt?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Dg2r2i0u5nTW72583bsI0FrVgPL04rXX
|
a8o2y7
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend for gaining weight when we agreed to get healthier",
"pronormative_score": 342,
"contranormative_score": 69
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend for gaining weight when we agreed to get healthier.
|
My ex-girlfriend was overweight and I was an average, but not fit, guy. On one date we both said to that we should become healthier. So we set goals to exercise more and to improve our diets. We don’t live nearby so we wouldn’t go to the same gyms.
I started going to the gym almost every day. I really wanted to become healthier, but also wanted to encourage her to lose weight. She told me her super athletic friend was training her and helping her diet.
Within 4 months I’d improved physically a lot more than anyone had even expected. She’d gained more weight. I didn’t find her physically attractive anymore.
I asked her friend what they did at the gym. Her friend told me that they didn’t go to the gym together. She had apparently never trained my girlfriend. When we went on dates it would be our “cheat days” so we’d be eating unhealthy foods. Apparently she was still eating badly almost every day.
I met with my girlfriend, broke up with her for lying to me and getting unhealthier.
A lot of people are telling me that I’m an asshole for breaking up with her, because I should never have tried to make her lose weight. Plus, by lying to me I got healthier.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 48,
"OTHER": 334,
"EVERYBODY": 21,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 6
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 342,
"WRONG": 69
}
|
RIGHT
|
UPMH1P4GBeJmGV2GrdXamstiCVBLI5wu
|
aqigt8
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to uninvited his sister",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to uninvited his sister?
|
I just want to start by saying I really like my boyfriends sister, she’s really cool so that’s not the problem.
My boyfriend and I have been trying to plan a date night for a few weeks now but it has always been postponed because somethings come up. Now this Saturday finally worked and it was also great because it’s valentines day this week so we can celebrate that at the same time! So I’ve been looking forward to this for a while. We’re not gonna do anything fancy, just lay in bed watch stupid movies and drink prosecco but I love these moments.
But my boyfriends sisters birthday is on the day after, Sunday, and when he asked what she was going to do to celebrate it on Saturday she said she would just stay home because non of her friends could meet that day. So he invited her to our date night, he also invited her out on Friday when he’s going out with his friends. He didn’t ask me beforehand and later told me what he did. I just got really disappointed and he said he would make it up for me next Saturday. I told him okay but that I wasn’t super happy about it.
I thought more about it today and I really wasn’t happy about her joining our date night. I asked him if he maybe could ask her if she would be fine just going out on Friday because Saturday is our date night. He said he would talk to her, but now I feel bad. I get that it sucks not celebrating you birthday by going out, especially when you’re younger. But I don’t want to lose the date night because it’s been such a long time and I really love them! And we are going to celebrate her on Sunday with their family but I get wanting to go out and get drunk.
So am I the asshole for not wanting her to come and asking my boyfriend to uninvited her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
c3x6fIxVtQhqrA7IMts003Ix8eRICLQB
|
9x46ii
|
{
"description": "not liking when English is lisped/slurred/muddled",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not liking when English is lisped/slurred/muddled?
|
My best friend likes KPOP a lot. With the recent League of Legends opening ceremony, they released a song sung by a KPOP band, but also sung by a made up band of LoL champions. (KDA) I told my friend that I was finding myself really liking that song, but the parts in english where they have a VERY strong accent throw me off and make me kind of annoyed. She shared some of her favorite songs and I found a few that I liked and a few that I didn't. I complimented the videos and the music on their aesthetics (which wow, it was like going back to the 90s with NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys aesthetic!) and sometimes their music. (She likes softer, upbeat tunes while I like rockier ones)
I thought I was being pretty respectful and then another song had some particularly bad lisping/mangling of the English words in the song and I straight up said, "Oh I didn't like that. That was annoying. I wish they would actually learn to say it properly." She became uncomfortable and told me that they were speaking the english words like a korean would (with associated pronunciation/accent) and that I was being racist. I told her that it wouldn't matter if it was an English native with a lisp or speech impediment or if it was a non-native speaker, it would be annoying to hear mangled english. Their race doesn't matter.
I don't know if that was one of her more favored songs and she felt a bit attacked or if she genuinely misunderstood me. (Maybe I could have said it better?) Or hell, maybe by today's standards I'm a closet racist, which would be news to me. We dropped the subject and moved on, but it's bothering me that she would think I'm racist. I don't want to bring this conversation up with her again, but next time she wants to share her hobby interest, I'd like to not come off as an asshole to her.
So, Am I the Asshole, and if I am, how the hell can I not be?
Edit: In case anyone cares: a day or so later she was listening to some KPOP and we were chilling and she mentioned how she couldn't get over what I said. I admitted that what I said sounded pretty racist, and I showed her mumble rap as an example and explained a bit more kindly that I just kept getting thrown out of the music by random misspoken English because I had to think too hard to understand it. We're cool again. Thanks y'all.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
qaRIpR6MQ7EypxxOo9ZmmsY9fwVKFw7M
|
amu2pd
|
{
"description": "agreeing with my friend's parents on an argument",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for agreeing with my friend's parents on an argument?
|
So I have to go home early today from a weekend stay at my bestie's place. His mom is feeling sick and his dad has to sleep early for work. So only his dad can take me home early.
So there's an argument for a compromise to let me go home a little later. Like 30 min. His dad won't budge, I understand and agree with his dad because sleep is important af.
Although it seems the arguments devolve into something about PTSD or mental illness? Like wtf?
I don't get how me staying or leaving an extra 30 minutes has anything to do with PTSD.
And this isn't just for this argument. It's any.
Whenever he doesn't get his way my friend acts like this. He doesn't want me agreeing or taking sides it seems. Doesn't want me to intervene in any way.
But I can't help without saying something. He has to learn everything isn't the way he wants.
He's got PTSD about something to do with aliens I guess? But nothing that comes up has anything to do with that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
201isVnrk33GeDE4cvBLKBmEB6b0bv5w
|
ay7jd2
|
{
"description": "asking my mother to stop using my bank card to move money",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my mother to stop using my bank card to move money?
|
Sorry, I’m not quite sure how else to word the title. Essentially, the situation is this; A few days ago I left my debit card on the kitchen counter overnight. The morning after, I came downstairs to find it was gone, but I figured it was probably just my mum or my dad tidying up. Later that day, I went into my banking app to find I had about £40 taken from my account from a tombola website, and £40 put into it from hers. I’m not entirely sure why she had to use my account but I was entirely bothered considering she’d put the money back in.
This has continued since then, with me going into my account earlier this evening to discover she’s spent about £210, and only put back in £130. Which has kind of ruined my plans for the rest of the week. I’m a student at college on minimum wage and every time I’ve tried to bring this up to her as it making it difficult for me to save for uni, she gets defensive and says things like “You aren’t really saving though, are you?” implying I’m spending my money badly even though she’s the one making...choices.
Anyway, she’s said the money she owes me is going into my account and she’ll give me £20 on top but I really just want it to stop. I suspect the reason she’s using mine is due to a block on her, prior to this I had no idea she was so addicted to online gambling AND this is in the wake of her losing her job. Also tiny little AITA - she asked me to buy her some stuff the other day that came to £15. I wouldn’t mind but the stuff in question was a bottle of vodka and coke, so I think I’m in the right to ask for that money back too.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Cy6EB1QswKpC2p2IPx923394YV9QjztH
|
a73pst
|
{
"description": "expecting the shuttle bus I called for to pick us up",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for expecting the shuttle bus I called for to pick us up?
|
Family flew into major southern US metro area on a Friday afternoon.
Hotel is booked well in advance, in particular since they have a free shuttle from the airport.
Days in advance, I call the front desk to confirm how to summon the shuttle. "Call when you've collected your bags and we'll get you."
Cool, right?
Flight is fine, Collect Bags, Call for pick up. "Ok you're at the Gamma airline arrival area, 3 people (2 adults and a toddler), traffic is heavy but we'll be there in 20 minutes."
Cool.
30 minutes later the shuttle just drives right by.
Call again. "Sorry we'll check and call you back."
No call back.
10 minutes later (40 minutes after first call) I call for a status update, toddler is being toddler. "Sorry there was a huge group and the bus filled".
Whut?
Repeat of drive by, now 1 hour 10 minutes after first call, Toddler is being VERY toddler. Repeat the "Sorry the bus filled", and I follow up with a terse chewing out of the undeserving front desk person that manages to avoid cursing.
Ended up getting an Uber.
Am I the Asshole for expecting the bus to pick up in the order it was called for?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
rPKhVYHaTmCW23yU6AzfD7kq2zCILUzZ
|
axjl6l
|
{
"description": "not renewing my traineeship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I don't renew my traineeship ?
|
Hello, first of all sorry I'm writing this on my phone and English is not my native language.
Anyway, first some backstory, I was diagnosed with depression during my highschool which led me to not get my diploma two years in a row, went from 70/80kilos to 120/130 and spending all my time living at night and sleeping 12hours a day to spend less time conscious.
4 years back I kicked myself in the butt to get out of that depression, I quoted smoking, I started to do bicycle and beginning a diet. I also looked to get some help to figure out what I wanted to do for a living and I found that rather quickly, there is a formation that could take me even though I didn't have a highschool diploma, so I'm currently trying to do that, but to be eligible I needed 6 month of traineeship.
That school also provide formation in alternation with a company.
So I have been contacted and doing traineeship with a hospital in my region to be able to pursue the formation and then doing it with the hospital when the formation begins.
Here I am now currently doing the last week of traineeship to unlock the formation and the guy above me is asking me if I want to do another month of unpaid traineeship (the first ones were unpaid as well). The thing is that when I work I can't find time to do sport or usually I'm too tired to do so, I also want to focus on my diet maybe find a psychologist and find an apartment for my future studies.
I liked my stay the staff was nice and I learned a lot, I want to continue to work with them with the formation center but I think I need time in between this traineeship and the beginning of the formation. Will I be the asshole I take this time for me and say no for another month ?
If you read so far thanks and have a good day.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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NOBODY
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
OCfogukeddRA6ey3IAynvxtBbsSg6lI0
|
afegqw
|
{
"description": "prioritizing my career over my husband's career",
"pronormative_score": 74,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for prioritizing my career over my husband’s career
|
Throwaway because I don’t want this tied to my main account.
My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 2 years. I am a lawyer. He is in grad school.
Before I went to law school, I asked my husband where he thought he wanted to live and raise a family. I enrolled in law school in the state that he chose with the plan that I would take the bar there and then we would live there indefinitely. Of course, things change and I’m open to moving to a new state and taking the bar again if that’s where life takes us.
Recently, my husband decided that he wants us to move to a different country once he graduates from grad school. He has an informal offer for a job in this country. I told him that I’d be open to him taking the job and doing long distance for a while if it’s his best option, but that I’d prefer that he look for a job locally. This made him upset but he brushed me off when I asked him to tell me what was wrong.
A few days later, my husband brings up the foreign job again. I reiterate that I’m open to doing long distance but I would prefer that he stay here. He says that he wants me to be open to moving with him. I tell him that I’d consider it but, in all honesty, I can’t imagine ever wanting to move to this country. Moving to this country would mean giving up my career. I’d have to start all over with a new career in a country where I don’t speak the language.
This upsets my husband and he drops this bomb on me: that he resents that I prioritize my career over his career.
He’s not totally wrong, we are prioritizing my career but not in the way that he thinks. He thinks that I believe that my career is more important than his. That’s not true. I think his career is equally as important as mine.
The thing is, he can do the SAME JOB here that he plans to do in foreign country. His argument is that he doesn’t have any offers to do this job here but that’s because he hasn’t applied to any jobs here.
Staying here for my career would mean that he would get to do the same job. Moving countries for his career would mean that I would have to give up my career and start over. So, yeah, I’m prioritizing my career but I don’t think I’m wrong for doing it in this particular situation. His point is that he would make more money in the foreign country so I’m holding him back by not being willing to move.
People we’ve talked to about this are pretty split. My friends are on my side but they’re MY friends and they’re all lawyers so they’d obviously agree with me. His friends are all on his side. His family is on his side. My family is split. I’m starting to doubt that I’m on the right side of this argument. AITA?
Tl;dr: my husband wants to move countries for his job. This would mean giving up my career. I said I don’t want to do that. My husband says I’m prioritizing my career over his.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 72,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 74,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
BEnPMmaMDsrti9kSeoE4GqYz1wQGrYHQ
|
b6loir
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friend?
|
AITA for being mad at my friend?
So last night was my birthday and me and some friends got together to celebrate, we met at friend 2's place to pre-game a little. One of my friends (friend 1) was from out of town, who I hadn't seen in while and while we were walking up to the bar I offered to get everyone's tab. I'm pretty well off and just wanted to thank them for celebrating, they had offered to get me a drink before hand but I planned on drinking a lot too.
Friend 1 asked me why I'd do that and all I said was that they are my friends and I can pay for it and that was that. So when I went to the bar and said I'd cover it, Friend 1 said no and said he and my friend 2 we're covering. Now after that I was decently drunk, it was my birthday so you know, but I heard friend 1 saying to friend 2 I was being really passive aggressive about the tab, like it bothered him. He was right next to me and I could clearly hear him but he wasn't talking to me, still I asked him about it and he told me to forget it? Later after that he was actively ignoring me the whole night and excluding me from all conversations, specifically calling over friend 2 and 3 to look at something on his phone or to talk to just them and didn't say to me a word all night.
Later on drinking as much as I did I threw up on the walk back to friend 2's place, I was throwing up but I wasn't blackout, I could walk and stand nobody was holding my hair back per say. friend 1 started bad mouthing "seriously are you doing this right now?" "whats your problem lebowskiman85" I stopped to throw up for 30 seconds and then we continued to walk back, I didn't say a word and just went to sleep.
​
I know I was drunk but I cant help to think friend 1 was being a passive aggressive asshole or AITA? I'm really confused on it honestly.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
eAKRPAVaZ3I7T3VqeCChgn5mm5qnhKAp
|
axva0i
|
{
"description": "talking to someone's date at a party",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for talking to someone's date at a party?
|
One of my mom’s co-workers throws a big party every year at his house. He invited me (through my mother) since I was in town last weekend. I am 22 and everyone else at the party ranged in age from 25-65.
I didn’t really know anyone there and my mom’s (new) co-worker’s date didn’t either. The co-worker/girlfriend, who is in her early 30s, had been drinking a bit but was having a good time, talking and dancing with her co-workers.
Her date, who wasn’t dancing, started talking to me. He asked me about college, what my are plans after graduation, etc. It turns out that he had a lot of friends who went to my high school so we chatted about that. I think the conversation lasted about 10-15 minutes. To note, he was drinking a beer and I don’t drink at all.
This evening, my mother told me how inappropriate I was with her co-worker’s date. I had no idea what she was talking about. We were simply talking about mutual people we knew and my college life. She told me that her co-worker had just started dating him and he broke it off with her sometime after the party. My mother said something about how pretty I am (I’m average), I can get any guy I want (pfft), why pick this guy (I didn’t?), etc. I had no intention of stealing someone’s guy from them, especially a guy who is in his early 30s, when I am in my early 20s. (I’ve never dated anyone more than two years older than me so more than ten would be a lot!)
For some background, I am a very nice and friendly person which, I guess, could be misconstrued as me being flirty. I can be pretty shy in situations where I don’t know anyone so when her date started talking to me (we happened to be sitting near each other, alone), I was excited to have someone to talk to. We didn’t go into another room or anything, and his date was within eyesight of us, only about 20 feet away. I was talking to other people throughout the evening but they were much older than me.
Anyway, did I do something wrong or are my mom and her co-worker overreacting? Obviously, I will be avoiding her work parties from now on!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
pXXpQ8RlUKyVIRS3BiAyM6FTmC6VlhKu
|
9x79yf
|
{
"description": "saying no to my girlfriend after she asked that I make her my new dog's godmother instead of my friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for saying no to my girlfriend after she asked that I make her my new dog's godmother instead of my friend?
|
I've been dating this girl for a short while, and she knows that I'm getting a dog soon. What she didn't know is that I'm travelling with another close female friend of mine who's also going to be the puppy's "godmother". This has been planned for several months already.
Today I told her about that, and she said that since we are dating now, she should be the one coming with me and becoming the dog's godmother. I flat out said no, because this has been planned for a while as I said, and my friend is really excited about this, and she would be very sad and angry if I did this to her, and rightfully so.
I really don't think I'm being the asshole here, I'll be honest, but I wanted to ask anyway. Am I? She is angry, but I think she is being unreasonable and that it's not a big deal anyway because she will get to meet the dog a few days afterwards anyway.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
D6iEsGgFcrxVC7DZT8yBIO2Y1zijoN0I
|
agt3e7
|
{
"description": "not letting my sister use my phone charger when in a hurry",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting my sister use my phone charger when in a hurry?
|
My sister, as much as I love her, sucks at taking care of her tech stuff. Her laptop is filthy and barely works, her phone has many scratches, and she has had dozens of phone chargers, because she either brakes them or looses them. A few months there was a little drama over her buying a 20$ phone charger with my dad’s credit card without asking, a charger that she of course, lost last weekend. And when she has no charger she often takes other’s like nothing, which annoys me a lot. So today, I arrived home with 10% of charge left, I connected my phone and tried to kill time on my laptop. She then suddenly opens the door and takes the charger while telling me she’s in a hurry and needs to take it. To which I replied fuck no, it’s not yours. She started freaking out about her issue and how serious it was, so I told her that if she want it she could charge her phone there, but I wouldn’t allow her to take it elsewhere. We started arguing, cursing, etc. She eventually agrees but keeps cursing at me and insulting me. I got so pissed that she was insulting me in my bedroom, so I told her to “get the fuck out of my room”. She told me to shut up and to which I lost it, so I lifted her up and pulled her violently out of my room. Now I feel like ass, because I could have simply allowed her to take it and avoid that shit, but I was just so damn tired of her shitty attitude. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
r4lHxlKpNl63AnVBQnvCROh94y13CFxK
|
b8izl8
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed at my aunty for letting randoms hold my baby",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed at my aunty for letting randoms hold my baby?
|
Evening all,
First post and im on mobile! Lets jump right in.
Tl:dr at the bottom.
This weekend just gone my husband and i were at a family gathering celebrating a cousins birthday! We arrive and of course, all my aunties immediately surround us and want to cuddle/ hold my 9month old as we havent seen any of them for 2 or 3 months so me, being the pushover i am said 'sure'
At first everything is fine, im sitting at same table as my aunties and the baby can see me, so she is calm and happy. After a few minutes the aunty holding the baby steps away from the table and mingles with some of my other family. The baby was ok at first but as she was taken further and further away from me i can see she is getting a bit grumpy.
My aunty doesnt pay any attention to this and instead decides to let about 3 people that i dont know hold my kid! Like it was no big deal! After being palmed off to the third random person the baby loses her shit and so do i.
I stormed over to my aunty as she was trying to settle her, grabbed her and said 'if you could stop handing her to random people that would be great', shot her a filthy look and went back to my seat. I could tell she was a bit shocked and hurt, and my husband said i probably overreacted...
TL:DR- aunty mingling with party guests i dont know decides its a good idea to let random people hold my baby and is surprised when i get angry
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
zUxhfWnV0OPFq8GSiNEtpcKZ8L3Vnk2H
|
arwelz
|
{
"description": "taking personal beliefs and ideology into consideration when I hire new people for my small business",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA For taking personal beliefs and ideology into consideration when I hire new people for my small business?
|
Just to prove this isnt a troll or a bait post im leaving my political affiliation and the rejected workers political affiliation up to the imagination.
I have a small (6 full time employees) business that is looking to create 3 new positions for the new year. Ive interviewed seven candidates (out of 30 applicants) for one job i need filled asap.
I narrowed my selection down to four people. Theyre all pretty much equal in experience, knowledge, and confidence. Ones a bit more charismatic than the rest but really thats just superficial.
Ill be honest, I did actually look at their social media. Its connected to their LinkedIn so its kinda hard to resist.
One woman out of the four is imo completely off the rails politically and ideology wise. Not just disagreeing but expressing outright hatred and disdain for the other side (which i subscribe too). Posts basically saying that this half of the country is stupid and morally bankrupt. Also a lot of posts that i consider to be trolling or meant to provoke.
Idk it just weirded me out that someone could seem so normal in person and have such strange beliefs. I never would have connected the dots from our interview and text messages.
So I basically wrote her off for it and went with someone else. My wife thinks that may be illegal (i dont think it is, just to look at the social media of someone) and that even though the woman is a poltical troll that maybe i shouldve just ignored it. In general she agrees with me though that the posts are provoking. But what do you guys think.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 46,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 6
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 51,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
0gc9hmNEcSvMTJNQ9FQjsDDceaYJbHrC
|
axlfwz
|
{
"description": "being upset at my mum for asking me to buy her a gift on my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 37,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset at my mum for asking me to buy her a gift on my birthday.
|
My mom is normally a very good mom. Today is my birthday, she gave me 20 euro on my birthday and I'm really grateful. But about 30 minutes after she gave me my gift, she said she wants me to buy her a gift because "it's the day she as a mother gave birth to me." I suggested that that's what mother's day is for. She disagreed.
Am I the asshole for getting upset? (I did end up buying her a gift)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 36,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
zh7ilInZQjG0vJyXCPmK8GdK7kqwVQvS
|
9vcfm3
|
{
"description": "asking my housemate to clean up her dog's mess",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my housemate to clean up her dog's mess?
|
TL;DR on bottom
I'm going to do my best to tell this story as impartially as possible. Some background info: I live in an apartment and share a room with two other dudes (one of which I'll call "M"), and the apartment is occupied by only one other housemate aside from us. For her sake, I'll call her "Q." Q has a dog that we'll occasionally take out to use the bathroom, let into our room to watch, feed/give water. One time when we were watching the dog in our room together, the dog darted into our trash can, took a bunch of tissue paper, and ripped it up under my bed (making a pretty massive mess). Ever since, we've relocated the trash can to the bathroom. I asked Q what I should do about it since it's her dog, and she told me that since M has vacuum duty, he would be the one to clean it up. Well yesterday, M was doing vacuum duty, but did not vacuum the dog's mess because it was "too big to vacuum."
What do I do here? Do I just suck it up and clean it for the sake of not being an asshole? Do I ask Q to clean it up since it's her job?
TL;DR: Housemate's dog ripped up a bunch of trash under bed, housemate told me roommate would vacuum it, roommate told me it was too big to vacuum, the mess is still there.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b9ehsq
|
{
"description": "not following my mom back to my grandma's house",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I don’t follow my mom back to my grandma’s house?
|
Just a few hours back, my grandma fainted due to hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) and was admitted to the hospital. My mom wants to book a flight back to see her and ask me to come together but I’m hesitating due to the fact that I don’t want to interact with my aunts.
Backstory: Every single time I go back to my grandma’s house, my aunts point out my weight and comments about my weight so much that I get really self-conscious about it. I am by no means overweight (56kg, 163 cm), just not stick skinny like asian standards. However, throughout the years, they have commented and made nasty comments about my weight and how I should stop eating. It has caused me to be really depressed and insecure ever since I was young. I starved myself because of their comments and tried all sorts of dangerous diets. Now that I’m older, I’m trying to learn to disregard their comments and love myself more but it’s been hard. I’m afraid if I meet them, my resolve would crumble and I would go back to hating myself.
So, WIBTA if I don’t follow my mom back to visit my grandma?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
yJ8MHez9Qs43utdLTpaF8EUqkLpOVdOO
|
av1sfb
|
{
"description": "not paying for a ticket for my long distance relationship",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not paying for a ticket for my long distance relationship
|
Hi guys,
I just want to know if I am an ashole. Momentarily I live in another country then I was born in...I have lived in this country for 8 years. For 6.5 of those years I was not able to work or even save. Since a year ago I got a new resident permit to work legally. finally I can work save etc. A few months ago I reconnected with a childhood friend and things turned romantic. When I first connected with him he told me he would be traveling to the country I live to come visit.
Things turned serious and we started liking each other. That we began making plans for him to move to this country and I would be helping him with a permanent resident permit.
But I told him let's meet when he comes to visit to look if it can work. For some reason or another his Visa process was delayed. And he still has not come to visit.
In the first months when we started speaking he started to ask for money...he was so amandment that if I care for him I should be helping him. I caved and send him a small sum. I left it at that. After a few days he started to demand that I should also pay for his ticket and buy him some clothes(namebrand) because it would be cold. He also insisted I buy him some name brand sneakers. I told him that even I don't wear name brand so I will not be buying it for him.
Now we got into a huge argument and I really want to know am I an ashole for refusing to pay his traveling expenses. I don't make that much money because I don't work full-time..I am studying to become a nurse while working in my field. I don't mind contributing but I want to do that on my own Merritt.
I make just enough to pay bills and buy groceries and maybe once a month to eat something with friends. What I have left which is not much I save up for a rainy day.
Am I an ashole by not buying him clothes sending him money or even buying his ticket?
He also said that other women have offered to pay his expenses but he choose me so I should do it. He said if I love him I would do it because that what relationships are about.
* I had promised to give him 200 euro for a ticket when he was going on that I must help him because I care ..but after a few days he said it should be 350. I told him that was not the agreed. Now he says I am lying that I said 350. I would never have said that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
HHec49VJu9iuIE0bH4hkBj9aTCY1sz1W
|
b0uorq
|
{
"description": "cutting off contact with a friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off contact with a friend.
|
•In Middle school for context I guess
•Hear me out here. A few mounts ago me and a few of my friends finished a 100+ slide show on WW2 for my teacher that I started as a fun side project a few years ago that we did but edited it for the teacher. Earlier one of my friends suggested that we add transitions and animations to it so people don’t get bored. Everyone but him said no but he keep on fighting for it. For a week he wouldn’t talk to us (he does this a lot) and the last thing he said to me was “fuck you”. He comes back and try’s to act like nothing happened (it’s a loop of sorts). Anyway we finish and celebrate at lunch that day and he tells us “I deleted the project” immediately we all get pissed and I kinda go into shock (I had been working on that thing for years to make it perfect) I have to wait until I get home that day to see if he was serious. He didn’t but I and the rest of my friends had enough of his BS and we don’t talk to him anymore.
•He still try’s to talk to us like nothing happened and gets mad at me for not taking to me.
•My parents are mad at me for this and I want to know if I’m the asshole from a unbiased source.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not caring about my dad",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not caring about my dad
|
My relationship with my father has always been a strained one. He was verbally ans physically abusive to my mom, and because if that I didn't even meet him until I was 12. Things were fine until I was 16.
At 16 I was going through my goth phase, Tripp pants where high on my list. My dad got me them for Christmas, but around that time we had a huge snow storm so I didn't actually get the package until weeks later. As soon as I opened it I called and said thank you, left a voicemail and a message with the house sitter, but after that I never heard from him again. I reached out a lot (phone calls, snail mail, email) but he never got back to me. Then in '09 my grandmother passed away. I called my dad because I needed him and his first words were "I'm not helping you." No I'm sorry or anything. Then in 2010 I'm in a bad accident and he came to visit me in the hospital. At the time I asked him why he just abandoned me and his only response was that I didn't call and say thank you for my Christmas gifts.
At that point I was done. I haven't talked to him since. Well I was talking to a friend and the subject came up about parents passing away, and I said I couldn't care less. She now wont talk to me and thinks I'm heartless, but I can't bring myself to care about someone who doesn't care about me. I'll support my siblings (different moms) when the time comes because I do love them, but it's just hard when it comes to my dad.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling my in law that I hope she crashes her car",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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}
|
AITA for telling my in law that I hope she crashes her car?
|
Okay, before you hate me, here is some context.
A while back I was the final say in whether or not my in law could move in with us. I was okay with it but cautious. It didn't end up working out because she threw a tantrum in front of my toddler, blatantly disrespected me and my position as a wife, and admitted to leaving shaving razors out so my son "would learn" that they're sharp (I previously asked her to place them higher in the shower, out of reach). I had enough of her being a rude guest and had her leave.
Fast forward a few days and I realize a "gift" she got me, one piece out of three in a facial cleansing thing, was missing. I asked my spouse to ask her about it next time he saw her. She told him that "[i] didn't like it nor use it so [she] took it." I later explained to my husband that her response was a lie, since she had seen me use it, complimented the results, and asked if I liked it which I always said yes. At this point I was annoyed she lied, adding onto the already rude behavior.
Fast forward to last week, she visited my husband for lunch. I asked him (she has me blocked everywhere) to tell her that I'm willing to let the past be past if she apologizes for the theft (I'm even okay with her just saying it was a misunderstanding at this point). He talks to her but she dismisses my attempt to fix our relationship by saying she "does not have the emotional capacity to deal with [me] right now." Okay I guess.
Fast forward to today. Since she doesn't want to admit to theft, the new rule is she can visit but not come into the house without me being there to make sure she doesnt get happy hands, per say. She stopped by while I was at work. I wasnt too happy about this so I went there on my break to make sure she understood the boundary. I parked at the entrance of our complex and made my way to our building when I saw her car approaching me. I didn't let her pass, so she rolled down her window.
I explained that she is not welcome here because of the theft, and unless she apologizes, she will not be allowed to enter my home. She changed her reason for the theft from the response earlier to "it was mine so I took it." I told her that's not how gifts work, and even explained that her original response was also not true. She told me, "I would buy a thousand of those [gift item] if it would shut you up." At this point I'm frustrated. I knew she was going on a road trip, so I said "I hope you crash on the way there." As I walked away she called me an evil bitch.
I know I could've passed on saying that, and I also know I could've been a lot more harsh. I'm so fed up with a woman twice my age treating me like garbage, despite me being the wife of her only son.
Am I the asshole?
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{
"description": "calling my girlfriends brother a chubbier version of her other brother",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for calling my girlfriends brother a chubbier version of her other brother?
|
So a bit of context: I had never met my girlfriend’s brother before although I had met her other one who was quite thin. One day, she had been FaceTime-ing him and decided to introduce me. The first thing I said when I saw him was “Hey! You look like a chubbier version of Michael!”. Obviously, I mentioned it as a joke and never intended to hurt him but he took it personally. I intend to apologize but until then, am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting to clean after being on away vacation",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
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AITA for not wanting to clean after being on away vacation?
|
So my housemates and I have a weekly chore chart where we switch off doing household chores. It’s super chill and helps us keep our common areas clean. However, I have been gone for almost two weeks and my housemates told me that I still need to do my chores from the two weeks I wasn’t there. I don’t think it’s fair because I’ve been out of the country and therefore did not contribute to making any of the mess. They want me to do the floors and kitchen despite the fact that I haven’t stepped foot in the house or cooked since the last time they were cleaned. They told me that doesn’t matter because we all live together and that it’s my fault for having poor time management. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "using a clean dish when my sister was washing dirty dishes",
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|
AITA for using a clean dish when my sister was washing dirty dishes?
|
Cast
Me: XYZai
Sister: Sandra (not her real name)
So I care home from school today and I wanted to clean out this candy container, which is this paste like candy thats terrible at first but then it’s sweet. I’m in the 9th grade and she’s in 7th, which means she gets home an hour and 20 minutes before I do,
She’s also the first one home
So I come home with the container in hand and I see my sister is washing dishes, I go to grab a butter knife to scoop out the insides but my sister has something to say about it.
Sandra: XYZai can you use a dirty butter knife I’m doing dishes?
Me: No I’d rather use a clean one
Sandra: please? I don’t wanna wash an extra butter knife
I try to go over to the silverware jar and she physically blocks it preventing me from getting anything.
Me: Sandra move!!
Sandra: Use a dirty knife!!
Me: No I have every right to use a clean knife, it’s your job to wash dishes!!!
Sandra: You’re making this more difficult just use a dirty knife!!
I try to move her and grab the butter knife but she grabs all of them and stops me, I eventually get her to let go and grab a butter knife.
Sandra: GOD WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING ANNOYING!!!
Dad: Hey stop don’t talk like that!!
After that I offer to clean the butter knife myself to which my dad tells her to let me do but to clean up my mess afterward. While I’m cleaning she says
Sandra: why do you have to be so difficult?
Me: I’m washing the butter knife you wont have any extra dishes
Sandra: Make sure you use soap
Me: I know
Sandra: Only a little
Me: Do you want me to just wash all of these my self!?
Sandra: No you don’t know how to wash dishes.
I do know how to wash dishes I do it once a week like everyone else. After I’m done with washing it and the container I go upstairs, but now I feel like I was in the wrong.
So reddit AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "closing the door on a salesman",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for closing the door on a salesman?
|
At about 7 this evening the doorbell rings. I answer it and see a guy with a clipboard and a jacket for a cable/internet provider. I am 100% confident I will not get cable or change ISPs so I simply say 'Im not interested thanks' and close the door. He started to say something as I was closing the door.
I will say that I don't begrudge him just doing what must be a shitty job. At the same time, why waste X minutes of both our time. Maybe I could have been less rude and let him say his thing.
Thoughts, especially from those who have worked similar jobs?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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| null |
AITA? Didn't do anything for valentines day....
|
So, me and my girl are in a bit of a transitionary period right now. Waiting for a date to start our new life. Til then we're coasting by, relaxing.
Anyway, this valentines day we spent it travelling back to my parents house for a family party, we said we wouldn't do anything special.
Today I let her put on a movie she knew would make me cry, only cause I said we could watch something sappy. After that she produced a gift, it was a handmade pillow, embroidered with "I love you [name]" and a handmade card with an excellently drawn chicken (I love chickens!!) with a long heartfelt essay about how much she loves me.
I feel really bad that I didn't get her anything, she said it's fine cause I payed for the travel and food and weed and it's "the least she could do" so I accepted. But I'm not sure. I feel she did something so personal and loving. And I didn't do anything special, just the same old same old.
Tl;Dr: GF made me a very personal gift and card that must've taken days, I did nothing special but she says it's cool cause I pay for stuff.
(Disclaimer I'm currently at an 8)
So, am I the asshole?
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "considering breaking up with my girlfriend because she is annoying",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for considering breaking up with my girlfriend because she is annoying?
|
We're both female. I'm her first real girlfriend. We've been together for 4 months. Here's my list of reasons/things that annoy me.
* she throws her clothes all over the floor in every room.
* she doesn't rinse her dirty dishes.
* she constantly mentions her Male ex, saying he had a big dick, that they would've had beautiful children together, she could get him a job at her work, etc.
* shes closed minded. My opinions are wrong.
* she refuses to agree to disagree.
* shes always offended by any and everything.
* she thinks all white people are racist.
* she doesn't support my choices.
* she tries to control what I do with my body. I'm passionate about tattoos and had over 100 when I met her. Every time i want a new one she complains. Same with my piercings.
* I've been riding motorcycles for over a decade. I've been saving up for one (I have no vehicle rn) since before I met her and she knew that before we were officially dating, yet she bitches at me not to get one.
* I was also considering buying my friends car at a great deal but she bitches about that too.
* I love to travel but she doesn't want to go along, which is fine, but she also doesn't want me to go.
* i was offered my dream job and when I told her about it, she ignored what I was saying and changed the subject.
* she tells her mother every single damn thing about our relationship, including private things I tell her not to repeat.
* shes constantly pressuring me for sex. All day every day. It's making me not want it at all. Since the first day we hung out, I had to literally physically 'fight' her off of me. I thought it was just cuz she was drunk.
* I've explained to her that, 1) I have aspergers, and 2) I suffered some really bad stuff when I was younger. Sex or even the idea of it sometimes really weirds me out or makes me uncomfortable. Especially if I'm being groped or pressured.
*after I told her about what happened in my childhood, SHE IMMEDIATELY SMIRKED, THEN ASKED IF I WANTED TO HAVE SEX.
*she told me she loved me after a week.
* she almost always interrupts me when I'm speaking. Even after she asks me a question.
* she is weird when she drinks... and she drinks every day. I drink too, but my personality doesn't change. Hers does, and not in a good way.
* she wants me to stay at her house all day, every day. Even though shes at work. I'm bored and want to be at my own house sometimes, see my friends, go to the store, play on my computer, blah blah blah etc. She gets upset if I even go home 1 day out of the week.
* she listens to really shitty rap music.
Am I a total asshole if I break up with her? Shes complely into this relationship but my needs are falling on deaf ears. I have tried to speak to her about these things soooo many times but she doesn't listen. I feel like we are incompatible. I'm unhappy and I think I would rather just be alone.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "deciding to ask strangers to fund a pet adoption",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA if I decide to ask strangers to fund a pet adoption
|
I’m lonely and depressed and I go to school full time. I’ve always wanted to adopt a pet but my family can not afford it. Recently I’ve been debating whether or not it would be okay if I started a gofundme or something to try and raise enough money to adopt and care for a pet. I don’t know if I’m being selfish by asking for a handout and justifying it by saying I would be providing a good home (on someone else’s dime). Please speak some sense into me.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to a destination wedding",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to a destination wedding?
|
So my girlfriend just got an invite for her best friend's sister's wedding. Normally I'd say sure we can go, but the issue is it's a destination wedding, in Greece, in either June or July. Flights are 1000 dollars each, which is more than my car is worth and the cost of 2 months rent. I say we shouldn't go because it would be financially irresponsible of us, we don't make a whole lot, it's a huge expense with a relatively short notice, we're saving up for our own wedding, and I just think it would be different if the family was paying for our flights or if it was actually her best friend, but it's not, it's her friend's sister. So am I the asshole for objecting to us going?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "letting my college-aged son and his friends drink on their winter break trip",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for letting my college-aged son and his friends drink on their winter break trip?
|
I live in a fairly rural area. I actually have a small farm on my property. My son’s mom and I divorced when he was young. He generally spends vacations with me, even though he doesn’t really have to anymore since he’s 18 (almost 19) now.
This is his first year in college and his first winter break. He asked me if he could bring some friends back for a week to spend with me and I said okay. We did some skiing, ice skating, and other stuff during the day. But at night it’s pretty boring. Not much going on.
So I let the kids (though again, they were all 18-20, so not really kids) drink when they wanted. I basically just stocked the fridge and refilled it when things got low. I did have a rule that they couldn’t do certain activities drunk, for safety reasons. But it wasn’t as if anyone was driving or operating machinery so I wasn’t too worried.
Anyway my ex-wife (son’s mom) ended up coming up to drop off the dog so my son could see him (that’s a long story and was somewhat annoying but I decided that the dog could stay over break since my son would still he here after his friends left).
She sees that the kids are drinking and gets pissed at me and we go in private so she can rant. I let it roll off because I’m used to her always having an issue about *something* whenever she sees me.
But I thought I would get some outside opinions. My son’s friends are leaving in a couple days to go be with their families for Christmas. They’ve all had a really good time, I can tell. What’s done is done now, but I’m wondering if I did something wrong in this scenario.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b8z9iu
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{
"description": "ignoring my ex who I still live with",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for ignoring my ex who I still live with?
|
Our 2 year relationship was great, but recently we drifted apart and realised we wanted different things. Neither of us can afford to move out at the moment so we decided to just be respectful and try to get through the next month or so as easily as possible.
At first it was weird, we would still go out to eat together, sleep in the same bed, etc. It was as if nothing had changed other than our relationship status. It almost seemed that the distance that had grown between us over the last few months was no longer there. I was reinvesting myself to the idea that this might still be salvageable. We talked about it and she thought this too.
So we got back together.
Now, months later, it's happening again for the 3rd time and I recognize the pattern. It's not healthy for either of us to keep dragging ourselves emotionally through the mud like this, so I've told her this time I'd like to go no contact. I'll sleep on the couch, make my own meals, lead a single life essentially. I made this decision several days ago and since then she has been crying nonstop. She's asked for hugs the first couple of days and I only shake my head and walk away. Now she just cries harder everytime we're in the same room. It kills me because I want to be there for her, I just know where that path leads.
So, am I being an asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "preferring to call limes \"lemons\"",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for preferring to call limes "lemons"
|
I'm a Hispanic attending college with predominantly white students and I room with 3 people in an apartment, all white and are some of my close college friends. Occasionally when I'm making food, I purchase the materials to make a meal, tacos, and I always pick up some fresh "limes" to add flavor.
I finish cooking and tell them my food is ready if they want to have some and I tell them there are lemons to squeeze on the meal. Upon hearing this they correct me saying those are limes and not lemons, which I apologize about because growing up in a Hispanic neighborhood we call them limon in Spanish, regardless of the color, practically my whole life. They then tell me to learn the difference since they are "VERY different" things. I decide to not fuss with it so I just shut up. This is maybe the third time this same conversation was had.
Now today, I end up throwing some stuff out from my fridge and find a few limes. I am about to throw them away and one of them catches me and ask what I'm tossing away, I'm sure they were only asking to make sure I wasn't throwing away their stuff on accident. I tell them "I found these lemons-," they then respond with "limes." I correct myself and tell them it's just a common thing in Spanish and that it isn't a big deal. Another person comes up, overhearing the conversation and disagrees with me. This is the conversation that followed.
Roommate 1 (R1): You can't keep calling them lemons. These are limes.
Me: I know they are, it's just common to say lemon for me and my family. It's just one letter off from limon, so it's not that big a deal.
Roommate 2 (R2): That's like saying (my name) is the same as (my name with a wrong letter).
Me: Okay, but just translating it gives me the word lemon anyway. It's not a serious thing.
R2: What if someone was allergic to LIMES and not lemons. You can really harm someone with that mistake!
Me: I don't know anyone with lime but it's just a name within the family of citrus.
R1: With that logic you are okay calling oranges lemons.
Me: That's silly because that's not what I meant with the family part. It's translation based.
R1: Regardless that is what your logic sounds like.
I then just walk away and drop the conversation again, hoping not to deal with it again.
R1: Would you be okay if someone put limes in your lemonade?
I just ignored it and shut myself off in my room.
There was a third time the same conversation happened in the past, but again I just ignored it.
AITA for wanting to call limes lemons? It's just been culturally accepted for my entire life and not a single person I have been with had ever given me any issue calling them lemons up until now. I really think they are being jerkish about coming about it and I'm really not trying to upset them when I call them lemons, it's just a translation error from Spanish to English.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "blowing up on a friend in my gaming group",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for blowing up on a friend in my gaming group?
|
Hello there,
So for some Background, my gaming group consists of 2 other friends I've known since high school. We've been playing games for a while now. They are around 2-3 years younger than myself, me being 24 them being 21-22. They are engaged to each other and the argument happened with Friend 1's fiance who I'll refer to as Jess.
Jess and I have had some squabbles before over various things but nothing too serious, usually it would just be a conflict of ideas. However one trait of Jess' is that she gets super frustrated and angry and any game with that has the slightest hints of competitiveness. I understand competitive natures and how it feels really bad for people to lose and they want to try their best to win so at first it was fine. Jess would get huffy when we would lose something but later be fine.As of the last maybe 6 months or so, she's developed into a more, blaming others view. Something goes wrong, it's everyone else's fault except her own, I'm sure everyone has had to deal with this at some point or still know people that do the same. I tried to be understand and her fiance and I would tell her to relax whenever it got too bad.
After a while of the same things happening however, My patience was growing limited, Jess' fiance is a patron saint of patience and can deal with a lot for a long time, but my own patience isn't as vast, so when we were playing a game, lost, and she went on a tirade about "her team this" and "her being the only one doing anything" I just kinda lost it and screamed how she made every game we played that showed any level of competitiveness not fun and miserable, that maybe we might be the problem sometimes but she definitely doesn't help either, and that she makes me want to avoid playing anything with her. She didn't confront me on any of these point, let out a big sigh and left and has since blocked me and removed me on everything.
This is starting to sound like a validation post but where I feel like the asshole here is when I spoke to her fiance about everything. He let me know she had a somewhat abusive household and the yelling I did triggered a bit of her early childhood trauma and she thought I didn't need to be as harsh as I was. While I understood the idea of traumatizing events causing people to shutdown, ignore the outside, etc, I explained to him while this does explain a bit of her behavior, I personally don't think it excuses much. I decided to be more adamant about my viewpoint and say that I refuse to offer any sort of one sided apology as I feel that would just downplay all of my own genuine feelings as nothing but an outburst to be forgotten about. Jess' Fiance explained to me I really hurt her and should offer an apology because my words were harsh. After this much time has passed and no progress I feel like IATA here so I want some other perspectives and insight from others.I do want to know if I was a jerk here. Thank you for the read and any advice.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
NcICUVOIDiKj3vc1PudybjMpr5a7bi7t
|
9u65io
|
{
"description": "wanting my wife to do more",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For wanting my wife to do more?
|
Background: I am a law student and work. My wife works two days a week, takes online community college classes, and stays home with our baby the rest of the time.
So I have a lot of my plate. Generally, Monday-Thursday I leave at 6AM and get home between 8-9PM. When I get home I usually need to do dishes so I can make dinner and then I pretty much go straight to bed. I watch the baby on Friday while wife works and I use that time to get all of the weeks grocery shopping done.
My complaint is, when I get home at night there are dishes piled up, the laundry hasn't been done, and it basically doesn't look like she does any house work during the day. She says that watching the baby and homework keeps her SOOOOO busy but I can't see how that takes up every day.... I have been watching the baby by myself this weekend and I got the shopping done, did my reading, vacuumed, did all the laundry, and meal prepped for the week. What am I missing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
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a6xq7w
|
{
"description": "getting frustrated with my girlfriend's friends at a party",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting frustrated with my girlfriend’s friends at a party?
|
Earlier this month my girlfriend asked me to go to a party with her that I knew I wouldn’t be comfortable at. However I agreed to go to make her happy and she said we’d be there for just two hours, to kinda meet me half way.
Jump to Friday, we go to the party. I knew drinking was obviously going to be apart of it, and I’m not too big on drinking anymore (especially with people I don’t know and of course I was driving). Anyways, we show up and people are already hammered, and the host is absolutely obnoxious from the start. I keep getting told to drink, and I continue to decline due to me driving home later. As my girlfriend is having fun and drinking, I’m just making small talk with people and trying to have a good time. But every ten minutes or so the host would keep telling me to drink and eat pot brownies, and I kept (what I think to be politely) declining. At one point, the host put 3 giant pot brownies on me which crumbled and made a giant mess on my shirt. And that really pissed me off.
Obviously, alcohol played a large role, but the host kept getting more and more aggressive with me. Telling me I’m rude and a buzzkill and that she doesn’t like me. All while my girlfriend sees this and does nothing, and I bite my lip and stay polite because I don’t want to cause a scene in front of my girlfriends co-workers and friends.
Eventually, more people show up and they start smoking pot. Now I don’t personally have anything against it, but I myself don’t smoke and I can’t stand being around people who do solely because the smell gives me really bad headaches. So as soon as people start smoking, I get very obviously uncomfortable and annoyed, and my girlfriend continues to do nothing despite seeing me in a not so fun mood.
It gets to around 1130 (when we agreed to leave at 11pm) and my girlfriend texts me, “let me know when you want to leave.” Still trying to make best of the situation, I jokingly reply “one hour ago”. So she begins to think I’m upset with her, even though I’m just annoyed with the party itself and the host.
Finally, my girlfriend starts going up to people and telling me that we’re gonna go and we finally leave at around 1145. While driving home, I apologize for my obviously annoyed attitude and explain to her that it was the host and the headache that killed my mood, and she gets irritated with me and tells me that I just shouldn’t have gone with her then and how I should have know what to expect.
I knew alcohol would be there, but not obnoxious people or pot. Am I the asshole with getting annoyed over that party or is it my own fault for agreeing to go and it’s more so like a “what did you expect?”
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
at8ppj
|
{
"description": "telling my parents about my childhood trauma",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I told my parents about my childhood trauma? (TRIGGER WARNING for sexual abuse)
|
Hey all, sorry if the answer seems obvious, but I'm kinda tangled up in thoughts here and would love some advice.
So I (22F) recently came to the realization that my brother (24M) molested me several times when I was between the ages of 10 and 13. Currently, the only other person who knows is my boyfriend, since we started dating just as I was figuring all this out. So here's the dilemma:
I feel like this is something that I need to talk about, and that the people who care about me should know about. However, it would be absolutely devastating to my parents (especially my mom - she recently wailed and screamed at my brother for cheating on his gf, so one can only imagine how she would react to this). Furthermore, my brother is already on rocky terms with them, so it has a very real chance of destroying their relationship with him. As important as it feels to me, I can't help but think it would be selfish to prioritize my comfort over their happiness.
I should note that my brother has recently apologized (though he might have been blackout drunk) for one incident that happened when I was 10, but hasn't acknowledged any others. To be honest, it wasn't the best apology, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive him, but that's beside the point.
I love my parents so deeply, and I don't want to burden them or taint our family dynamic, but this is really weighing on me and I can't stand withholding something so important from them. WIBTA if I told them?
PS: I haven't seen a therapist about this yet because lol @ my university's mental health services, but I have no intention of telling anyone else until I get some professional advice. There isn't exactly a handbook on handling these things, so any advice or reactions are welcome. :)
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
aewlby
|
{
"description": "not telling my son that he has uncles",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA if I don't tell my son that he has uncles?
|
I'm a 30-year-old and I have three brothers between the ages of 25-50. I'm expecting my first child this year, and I'm not sure if I want him to grow up knowing he has three uncles who probably want nothing to do with him or me.
​
My brothers have always been distant and over the years they have made themselves more and more difficult to contact. One brother totally disowned our family 6 years ago when our parents divorced, and the other two simply never return phone calls, emails, or texts. The only time I have seen them in the last 10 years was for my wedding, even though we grew up together. We haven't spoken over the phone or via email in years.
​
I sent them Xmas cards every year, I send them texts and tweets when something big happens... when our father went into the hospital two years ago for heart issues, only one of them bothered to get in touch with me, and returned to radio silence after my dad was back home.
​
I informed them all via every means of communication I know that I was expecting a child some months ago, and none of them replied. With the birth almost upon us, I have become very frustrated with the lack of response or acknowledgement.
​
I wrote them a letter and sent to in as many ways as possible to all of them, stating how bad I felt them never contacting me or responding to any of my phone calls, texts, or emails. I told them that if they don't want to have a relationship with me for whatever reason, then they cannot expect me to tell my son about uncles he'll likely never meet. Surprise! No responses from any of them.
​
The worst thing is, I have no idea why none of them will talk to me or each other. Am I the Asshole? I feel that at this point I've done all I can, and it's up to them to change.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
uws1OvZ8zBzHHWNq2W0Dma20mUSaUAE8
|
a5zs9b
|
{
"description": "verbally retaliating against my girlfriend's friend",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for verbally retaliating against my girlfriend's friend?
|
I recently came out of a pretty serious depression during which time I put on weight. I'm in the gym and making good progress to get back to where I was but am still noticeably larger than I was. During this time I wasn't as social and as a result it's been awhile since I had been out on group activities that included members of my girlfriend's social circle.
She has a particular friend who is known for "blunt humor" as they like to put it, basically the ballbuster of the group. I always found it to be a convenient excuse for her to be rude and give her unfiltered opinion under the guise of "just joking", but never made much of it. The other day I went to a little get-together with my girlfriend and a lot of her friends were also present, including miss "i'm just joking." Things were going well and most people were perfectly polite and happy to see me, hugs and that sort of thing. We bumped into "I'm just joking" and literally the first thing she did was a very exaggerated look up and down as if sizing me up then goes "holy shit, you got fat!" then touches my arm and laughs.
Again, I've never been close to this woman and I've never really taken part in her style of humor so I found this inappropriate but I figured what the hell, let's see if she can take it as well as she dishes it so I said "Thanks! I seen how well you pulled off the husky look and figured if you can do it so can I!" Immediately she tensed up and asked me to repeat what I said, at which point my girlfriend touched her arm the same way she did to me and said "I'm sure he was just joking" to mimic her. She told us to go fuck ourselves and left five minutes later and has been blowing up my girlfriend's phone calling me a piece of shit since.
No one at the party said anything and we had a good time, but now word has gotten out and some of her friends feel I was out of line, others think it was hilarious and she deserved it. My girlfriend is fully on my side. In my mind, if she didn't appreciate someone commenting on her weight, why would she do it to someone else? Nevertheless, I'm here asking, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kaberWVcAiLRSoJ45hPz5dkc2osOgz6V
|
avtyr3
|
{
"description": "not picking up baby formula for my neighbor",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not picking up baby formula for my neighbor
|
So I posted recently about my annoyance with helping my neighbor when grocery shopping. This question is about the same neighbor lol.
​
I had a few times helped her out by taking a return to walmart for her or something like that. She has a husband but these types of errands typically fall to her and she would sometimes ask me to help. One day, she called me and when she found out I was driving home from somewhere, she asked if I could pick her up some baby formula on the way home so she didn't have to load the 2 kids in the car to go get it. I knew her husband's work schedule and that he would also be driving home at this exact same time so I asked her why he couldn't just stop and grab it on his way home. She acknowledged that while there was no reason he couldn't, she knew that he wouldn't be willing to (he's basically a mild/moderate asshole at times). At this point in the friendship, I was already pretty annoyed by her frequent requests and ended up telling her that I would feel a little put out doing something that I think should be her husband's duty and that he's capable of doing. She replied something like "I know he should do it, but I also know he won't do it and so I'm asking you." I described this situation to someone else later and they said that I'd lowered myself to her husband's level by not doing it and that I was an asshole too. AITA?
​
As a side note, this was a couple years ago and for other reasons the 'friendship' is over but we now have a normal neighborly relationship
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
odhCtT57Cd5wi5cDnnZVjbwdMN5Evjo4
|
asdr2g
|
{
"description": "walking out of my dishwashing job",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For walking out of my dishwashing job
|
I’ve been working as the only dishwasher for a year. I have to come in and wash the previous shift’s dishes then keep up with the flow of dishes for my shift without a machine mind you, we only have a 3 compartment sink. There has been countless promises on promoting me to a different position in the kitchen or working as a server. I’ve been hounding my manager to move me to a serving position but it’s falling on deaf ears and he continues to hire servers. Yesterday was a particularly busy morning shift and my station was fuller than usual and I just broke down mentally. I told my manager that my grandma recently left the hospital and is returning to her home country (which is true but I’ve already visited her) and I need to see her. I walked out and now I’m going back and forth on weather or not I should come in today.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
H4bMqeGPd4FuO3V22927ihJJOtcNRHw0
|
a8p43o
|
{
"description": "telling my brother to stop being immature and to stop talking to me about anime",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA after telling my brother to stop being immature and to stop talking to me about anime
|
For some background my brother is turning 19 in a few months and is in this senior year of high school, and I few months ago a turned 15 and am a freshman, I'm also a lesbian which becomes important later.
For over a year I have been telling my brother that I dont like anime, and that I don't like talking about video games, because he cares about stats and tier lists, which I don't care about.
Ever since I came out, a month before my birthday, he has made slightly creepy comments on lesbians in pop culture and anime. Like, he will talk about how a show he watches is filled with lesbians. When I tell him that I find that anime turns lesbians into a fetish and it's one of the main reasons I don't like anime, and that I like shows like Gumball and She-ra. He then goes on about Cal-Arts style and how my reasoning is poor.
He has also called me basically "lesser minded" when he told me about a cross dresser in anime that becomes trans. I told him that while trans representation is good, posing them as "traps" is not good. Where he then called me stupid in fancy terms.
Yesterday, while we were eating, he told me how I'd love visual novels and dating sims, when I told him I wouldn't and I'd rather read an actual book; he said I was not seeing outside myself.
Today I couldn't take anymore of this, we were out by ourselves, and the whole day he talked anime and how much I would love it if I watched one with a lesbian king Arthur (???), how I would love visual novels. When I told him the types of games I did like, he told me I couldn't tell good game desgin, mind you this was for a game he had never played, only watched youtube videos about.
After about 2 hours of this, when we got back in the car and he started talking about anime again, I told him directly that I despised anime, and that I wanted him to not talk to me about this stuff, and that he was always being immature about it, since I having been telling him for over a year. He then said he wasn't being immature. When I directly told him to talk about something else, he started talking about politics, when I told him I don't like politics, he told me I was being stupid and that I need to be educated before voting. I told him that not wanting to talk about politics isn't being stupid, he said I was wrong.
AITA and being immature or not?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
5kxLpBDezjSa9BqM9gL5fM9K6Tt7TQn3
|
b7itpi
|
{
"description": "insisting on refund from my tutor for unused hours",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for insisting on refund from my tutor for unused hours
|
Earlier this year I decided to attempt this exam for a certification that would help me in my career. I’ve never been a great student, and I made it through college by paying for tutoring whenever things got really bad. It worked often. Just having someone around that’s there only to push me was effective.
Studying for this exam was no different, and after a month of getting nowhere I decided to reach out to a tutor. I found someone on Craigslist who advertised GRE & GMAT prep help. I contacted him and asked if he could help. He’s in his early 50’s and has been tutoring for 19 years. I knew he had not heard of the exam I was taking (and he didn’t claim to know anything about it either), but I did not really need help with the material, just with my study habits.
I really enjoyed working with him. He charged $30 per hour with a 2 hour minimum. He gave a $5/hour discount if you spent $250 on one of his packages.
I bought 2 packages and spend around 12 hours with him. During our last session I took a practice test and did very poorly. I decided to push my test from April to October as it cost $500 to take the exam and I do not feel at all confident that I would pass.
I met with him today to tell him my decision to stop tutoring. We had a two hour appointment scheduled. I told him he could keep the money for the two hours but I wanted my remaining 150 back for the hours I did not use. He said he would have to think about it.
I tried to get him to see my side of it. He simply said he would think about it and he would call me in 24 hours to tell me. He said he could legally keep all of the money, even though there was no contract signed and I paid in cash. I told him I would be very hurt if he does not refund my money. I’m 27, and not rich. I wanted to get angry, but I felt it would get me no closer to getting my money back. I’m absolutely seething right now.
If he calls and tells me he won’t refund me tomorrow I intend to report him for tax evasion. He made some comments about his contempt for the government so I figure he has not been paying taxes on the income he makes from his other students as well. I am so pissed and I can’t get the conversation out of my head.
tldr: I asked my tutor to refund me for 6 unused hours and he said he would have to think about it since I bought a package.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
GPxEFgaHMnJlMRKgIqBOoclxGqBETbMP
|
au3t00
|
{
"description": "accidentally seeing my girlfriend shaving her face",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for accidentally seeing my girlfriend shaving her face?
|
So, my girlfriend and I woke up late this morning and were running around hurrying to get ready for work. She had to leave 30 minutes before me so I let her go ahead and use the bathroom first. After holding it for 10 minutes I hear the sink running and figure she was brushing her teeth and wouldn't mind if I went ahead and came in to piss. I walk up to the bathroom door and through the crack I see her shaving her face, which she has never before told me she did before, so I decided to just wait.
Just to be clear I wasn't disgusted or think she was a guy or anything, I just never knew she did that, never seen her shave her face before and she's never told me, which I felt a little betrayed about at the time. I mean I know women don't usually do that but I thought we were really open and honest with each other, it just really shocked me she wouldn't let me know that.
Anyways, I decided to keep it to myself for the time being because we were running late, but wanted to ask her about it eventually just to know why she didn't tell me. She's usually not the type to be embarrassed about stuff like that so I thought it to be weird.
Well a couple hours ago we were sitting on the couch and I had the opportunity and asked her about it. She got upset and told me it was due to this girl problem she has (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and started arguing with me, saying I wasn't respecting her and her space (WHICH I WAS). I told her it was an accident and I didn't think of her any less, then she started crying. At that point I asked her to calm down and reminded her that we both agreed to be honest with each other and explained I just wanted to know why she was keeping that from me. Then she called me an asshole, which is something she has never said to me before in our 1 year relationship. She left our apartment and went to her friends apartment and now I'm pretty sure our whole floor thinks I'm a dick.
I want to apologise because I feel like I've done something wrong but at the same time I'm hurt she called me all that and now feel like she's keeping things from me. I know she has that problem but the fact that she didn't want to tell me leads me to think she isn't as open as I thought she was.
Is she overacting or Aita?
(Sorry for any mistakes, am on mobile)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
idEvtq6utl3pEZVq6k9ApzJK1hktHoIg
|
ayvyy5
|
{
"description": "suggesting my boyfriend go on welfare",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for suggesting my boyfriend go on welfare?
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons, please be patient with me as this is my first time posting on reddit.
For the past 9 months, my boyfriend's family has been going through some financial difficulty. It affects my boyfriend negatively because he is used to a luxury lifestyle. I have tried to be sensitive to their situation by paying more for gas and buying food and gifts. With my part-time job, I try to support his goals- one of which is gaining weight- so I bought him a blender, protein powders, and health bars for him to start off with to motivate him. From my perspective, it seems like he sees right through what I do for him. I never come over empty-handed. I bring him food to make sure he's eating, and bring little snacks for his parents. I thought I was being more sensitive to his situation by not pressuring him to go out with me. From his perspective, he claims that my family doesn't care about him by "not buying him things", when my mom has been helping me purchase food for him and continuously asks when he will come over next so she can cook for him. (He never comes over, I always drive to him.) I feel like there's nothing else I can do to help him. I believe he deserves to have spending money, that he shouldn't have to feel stressed out financially- because he does go to school full time and work on top of that. He has accomplished so many things that many aren't fortunate enough to do and I'm so proud of him.
So, because I feel I can't do anything for him, I suggested he go on welfare, because even for a little while, he can get back up on his feet and feel better. To him, this was a huge insult. He claims that welfare is for "lower class" people (single mothers, black people, poor people) and that insinuating welfare could apply to him means I am categorizing him with those people.
I found this extremely offensive- because welfare can be abused- but so many people really need it and categorizing government aid to any type of people is offensive. He told his parents what I suggested, and they're equally as offended and currently I am not welcome in their home.
​
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
qbdLeT6b0e2Ckf5ERGDVwakGfJJJ0kw9
|
b300b0
|
{
"description": "not wanting to move to accommodate my roomate's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to move to accommodate my roomate's girlfriend?
|
Hi everyone. My first roommate (20, M, we'll call him R) wants us to move out of our tiny townhome into a bigger place so his girlfriend can live with us. Currently it's just the three of us, me (20, F), and another roommate (20, M, let's call him J). Our place is great, it's less than a mile away from the university we all attend, rent is extremely cheap, I get my own bathroom (the boys share the large upstairs bathroom), hardwood floors, quiet neighborhood- the whole nine yards. R already lives in the master suite already, which is the size of J's and mine room combined, and mind you that's still really small, my bedroom has enough to fit my full bed and a chair and that's about it, but I'm so busy I'm really only ever in my room to sleep. Recently, R's girlfriend (19, F, let's call her L) has spent the night at our apt every night for about the past 5 months, I'd say. I have no problem with that, she's super nice, is respectful of all of us, etc. but she complains that it's always cold (we barely run the heater to keep our utilities low + the big windows make it hard to keep warm, anyway) and that R's bedroom is way too small. She has her own apt nearby but her roommate is moving out at the end of the semester. She brought up just her and R moving into a place alone when our lease ends this summer, but R isn't ready for the commitment of living alone with his girlfriend (dating for 2(?) years) so he wants all of us to move into a bigger place. R, J, and I have been friends for a long time, and I really like living with them. I have made it very clear I'm completely open with moving as long as 3 conditions are met: 1. It's still close enough to walk to school (R and L have paid for the expensive parking passes, J and I usually walk of take the bus), 2. Each of our rents doesn't go up more than $100 (including L who would be paying rent, now.) and 3. I still have my own bathroom. Am I being unreasonable? J and I are the only two roommates that are completely financially independent (both from single parents, my mom barely makes enough go sustain herself, and J's mom has 3 younger kids) while R and L both have their parents pay a cut of their rent. We had a big talk last night, looked at apartments and R & L said I was being unreasonable to want all 3 of those things, so I asked why should we move? Why doesn't L just move in full-time with us? Why don't they just move out into their own apt and J and I find a new roommate? Or why doesn't she find another roommate and we keep the arrangement we have now? I think I hurt her feelings and I really don't want that, but I'm also not giving up such a good apt because one person who doesn't even live there is unsatisfied with it. Am I the asshole? Or should I be more open to compromise?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "wanting to tell my cousins they have a sister who was given up for adoption",
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|
AITA for wanting to tell my cousins they have a sister who was given up for adoption?
|
Ten or so years a go. A girl contacted my now passed Grandma and identified her self as the child my Aunt and Uncle put up for adoption back in the 70s. She wanted to meet her birth Mom and Dad but my uncle refused because he's was a big CEO and didn't want people to find out. He is now retired and still won't have anything to do with her. The thing that realy pissed me off was we were told to ignore her at my Grandmas funeral so my aunts kids (now adults) wouldn't ask questions. She is coming to visit again in a month and her "siblings" are still in the dark. I can tell how hurtfull it is for her to be ignored and I was hoping one day my uncle would smarten up. Im tempted to tell my cousins so she can stop having to carry the burden of being a secret.
English is not my first language im still learning so pleas go easy on me I do try.
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HISTORICAL
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asswrk
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"description": "not letting my mum and brother feed my dragon",
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|
AITA for not letting my mum and brother feed my dragon
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So for a little context I have a bearded dragon called Smaug (she's a girl btw) and I've only had her for a year, she's around about 4 years old now and I'm deathly protective of her.
I live with my mum and my brother who is around the same age as me, I have another brother who is younger though (he's 8) and he doesn't live with us but stays on the weekends. When he first saw Smaug he was kind of captivated, I told him he could look through the glass but her couldn't get her out unless I was there (I didn't want him accidentally drop her or something) I also made this fact very clear to my mum as she also likes to look at her, they both agreed and understood. Recently though I've been spending a lot of the weekends at my boyfriend's as that's the only time we get to see each other, and after coming back from my boyfriend's I find Smaug terrarium a mess. There is dried up vegetables everywhere and a whole box of crickets in the terrarium, obviously I was very mad so I confronted my mum about this, she said that she thought Smaug might be hungry so she threw a box of crickets. literally. now I get it touching the crickets isn't my favourite thing in the world either but you don't just throw a whole box of them in the terrarium with her. I told my mother this and I showed have the proper way to put the crickets in and that I'll tell her before I leave if she can or can't feed Smaug. If you don't know older bearded dragons don't need to eat bugs as much as younger ones do, you can give your beardie a lot of health problems if you do over feed them. A couple weeks go by and I come home to the same thing, messy terrarium filled with crickets. So now I'm even more pissed, my mum has a very bad habit of not listening to me at all. So I did the logical thing and I bought a lock for the terrarium. When I got home after the first week of using the lock my mum wasn't happy, she asked me why I had to go and buy a lock and that my brother was really upset that he couldn't feed Smaug anymore. I told her that if she wasn't going to listen to me I couldn't let her keep going into my room and trashing smaugs terrarium. She didn't seem happy with this but didn't say much else just that she thought I was being selfish. so am I the asshole for not letting my mum and younger brother trash my lizards terrarium?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting my mother's \"not\" boyfriend at my wedding",
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|
AITA for not wanting my mother’s “not” boyfriend at my wedding?
|
So I am getting married in April 2019 and it’s been challenging with the invite list because all the parents (my fiancé and my parents are divorced so it’s like 4 families instead of 2) have lists of people who they wanted to invite. Normal right?
Now my mother is going to be divorcing my step-father. No papers drawn up yet, still together at holidays, etc. but she had a list of 10 people she wanted to invite. One of those people was this “old friend” of my actual father’s who they knew growing up. Now he lives in Florida and my mom has been going down to visit him frequently. She even cried to my grandmother (her mom) that she loves him and he doesn’t reciprocate those feelings a couple of months ago. I feel massively uncomfortable with the idea of him coming to my wedding. This will cause drama with my step dad, who will be walking me down the aisle.
So I told her I didn’t want to invite him because we were at capacity for who we wanted to invite to the wedding on Sunday. A slight fib but I figured it was better than fighting. But last night as I was getting addresses for our save the dates she started cutting people from her list. First it was fine until I asked for some of my stepdads families phone numbers so I could add them. She got upset that he put two people on the list. Saying he’s delusional for adding them and that he’s denying they are divorcing. I had to tell her I’m not going to ignore them when I went to their sons wedding 3 years ago as nothing has been done yet and they probably aren’t coming anyway it doesn’t hurt to send a save the date. So then she says “Oh Michael doesn’t have to come or Corey. But now Kenny’s address is ....” and I had to stop her and tell her we are not inviting him. She got upset on the other end of the line and then just gave me the rest of our families addresses and said bye.
I know I could have been more forthright with her on Sunday about why I didn’t want to invite Kenny but my mom and I already have a strained relationship and I didn’t want to get into a fight with her. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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ah72vd
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{
"description": "not telling a friend about a secret",
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|
AITA for not telling a friend about a secret?
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I told one of my newer friends a secret. She (the one I didn't tell) immediately wanted to know. I told her I didn't want to tell her, as I had told her big secrets about me, and people have overheard her telling it to other people. She got upset and left the room.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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angkel
|
{
"description": "not letting my friend copy my notes",
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|
AITA for not letting my friend copy my notes?
|
I’m in HS and take all honors and an AP class. My friend “A” that I’ve known for about three years now also takes the same class. I have an A and he has a C in the AP class. Last night he came to me for notes and said “Cmon man it’ll be the first and last time”. I’m all for helping my friends but I don’t like giving out notes in fear of my teacher catching on. Our teacher always reads the notes and sometimes asks us about them. The notes about the chapter were due yesterday.After a little back n forth I just tell him No.
Today, I saw him in the morning and said hi. He just walked past me. I asked my other friend “J” , who has the same hour as him, what’s wrong with him.
“Oh he’s upset he got put back down to a D in the class”.
I feel a little guilty but just go on to my first hour and forget about it. Later at second hour, I get a text from him.
“I got a D now in history”
I text back, “Damn, that sucks”
“Why didn’t you just let me get the notes?”
“I’m sorry but I know how tough the teacher is about copying”
“Still i could’ve just worded it differently, it’s YOUR fault I went down. Why can’t you be like “J” SHE helps me. Now my parents are pissed”
I don’t text him back.
I am the asshole for not “helping” him?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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azriv1
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{
"description": "not wanting people to donate to his fundraiser",
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|
AITA for not wanting people to donate to his fundraiser?
|
Hey AITA,
This post should honestly be cross posted with r/antiMLM as well, but I don't really know how to use reddit to its full extent. So a bit of a background, an old friend from high school just posted a facebook fundraiser in attempts to try to raise $15k CAD for the remainder of his college education. Prior to him going out to live in Canada with his wife, he tried to recruit me into an MLM company that he worked for (and still does). He and his company tried to pitch me a story about how said company would be able to help me make a lot of money and gain financial freedom. I knew from the beginning of the presentation pitch that they were only here to make additions to their pyramid scheme and so I went on with my life thinking that was it. Forward 2-3 years and I come across this fundraiser that he started to help him "make his dream a reality." I've noticed several high school friends and teachers that have contributed to his cause and I completely detest that. Aside from trying to recruit me into MLM company, he hasn't done anything to me or anyone else that warrants this hate. AITA for not wanting people to donate money for his cause?
[https://imgur.com/6gCXUg6](https://imgur.com/6gCXUg6)
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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asittf
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{
"description": "not flushing my half dead fish",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for not flushing my half dead fish?
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I will admit this is a bit of a weird one.
A bit different, too.
So a couple weeks back, we had a hella lot of snow and cold from where I'm from, and my poor little blue beta fish was swimming on his side. A couple days into the snow and ice, he moved maybe once a day and wasn't eating. After the storm he began to recover, but within a week it went all downhill again. Now he's still swimming on his side, acting all sick and stuff, but he was bought by one of my friends I hardly get to see. She's my coworker (but I work on a farm so we don't work over the winter), and the fish sat on the table in break room over the whole summer. I love the poor little guy, but he's suffering. I feel terrible for not just putting him out of his misery. Poor Phil. I feel like the asshole here, since he's probably in pain.
tl;dr I haven't flushed my half dead fish and feel like a terrible person for not putting him out of his misery.
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HISTORICAL
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a9251w
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{
"description": "not wanting to get back with a girl I broke up with because of \"distance,\" even now that she wants to move closer to me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for not wanting to get back with a girl I broke up with because of “distance,” even now that she wants to move closer to me?
|
Alternate account for privacy reasons.
There’s a bit to unpack here, but the details are important. There will be a TL;DR at the end.
I’m currently a college freshman. In April I began dating a girl I went to high school with. I knew this girl and I would go separate ways after graduation but I underestimated how much the distance would affect the relationship.
The universities that we moved off to are ~6 hours apart. Our college experiences so far could not be more different. I have made all new friends and I’m pretty involved. I have pretty much separated myself from my high school life. However, she hasn’t made any new friends other than her roommate. I feel bad for her, but that’s just how it is. I might be at a party and not checking my phone much, while she’s waiting for me to text her back. Keep in mind, she always knows if I’m at a party or with friends. I didn’t hide anything from her.
I began to feel kind of lame around my new friends because of this high school relationship. I’d talk about her but then have to explain that they don’t know her because she goes to a university 6 hours away. I didn’t like being they guy at a function texting his high school girlfriend that nobody knew.
Halfway through the semester I started to realize how much I HATED having a relationship through a phone. I didn’t see the point. There were still feelings, but the entire sense of companionship was lost, and that messed up the emotional connection. I expressed this to her.
Early November I started developing a crush on a girl that went to my university. I brushed it aside, as she probably didn’t like me, and I had a girlfriend. Around Thanksgiving, the feelings became harder and harder to ignore. She started flirting with me at parties.
I broke up with the girl when the semester ended. I told her I couldn’t do a relationship where I only saw her a few times a year for 4-5 years and that the distance wasn’t working out for me. Which was true, but I didn’t tell her about the crush I had on another girl, because I didn’t see the point in completely destroying her self-esteem.
I’ve started talking more to the girl at my university. It’s very obvious that we like each other a lot.
Old girlfriend just texted me and told me she’s thinking about transferring to my university, claiming she’s depressed at her current one and mine is closer to home. However, she also says that I play a role in her decision because she wants to be with me.
AITA for not wanting to get back with her even if she moves here?
**TL;DR:** Girlfriend and I moved to different universities. Distance sucks. I start liking another girl. I break up with girlfriend and claim it’s because of distance, which is true, but I didn’t tell her about the other girl I liked. Now she’s considering transferring to my university and I don’t wanna get back with her. AITA for not wanting to get back with her even if she moves here?
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HISTORICAL
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a43frx
| null |
WIBTA My friend's question
|
So without going into too much detail last summer I had very painful surgery. I basically had 2 metal bars put into my chest (nuss bars if you want to google it) and had to stay in hospital for like a week afterwards
Eventually when school started in August I got sick and went back into hospital (too complicated to fully explain but basically got very unwell). About a week after I got out of hospital I started to go back into school more.
However there was 2 people, Bill and Bob (won’t use their real names) who kept shoving the other into me. Since it’s a pretty big school that’s not a surprise but the thing that annoyed me was the fact that it was the same 2 people 5 times within the space of a month. Normally I wouldn’t be annoyed with that but since I had had the surgery it hurt like hell whenever someone bumped into me never mind someone landing on top of me. The first 2 times it happened I had to go back into hospital for an x Ray to make sure the bars hadn’t moved (if they had moved I would die) and had to be on pain medication for a few days afterwards.
School told them to stop but they kept doing it until I wasn’t able to go into school anymore (various reasons) so that (sort of) ended that.
Flash forward to last summer where I got sick again and spent another month in hospital. Was very sick at one point but got out and just had to take some meds since then.
After about 2 weeks of being out of hospital one of my friends told me that they were in an Xbox party with bill (the guy who kept shoving bob into me) and he was taking the piss out of me for being in hospital and saying that I should just go back in.
For that and several other reasons my friend who was in the party stopped talking to them so things were good for a while.
Except about a month ago they and someone else (his name shall be Steve) somehow found my WhatsApp number and reddit account (they aren’t linked in any way at all aside from me saying about my reddit on group chats and stuff).
I tried blocking them but they just made new accounts
They ended up sending some wierd messages (calling me a retarded cunt, faggot and n*gger among other things) and they also sent porn (it was Hitler porn and shit) and threatened to kill me.
After a few days they stopped talking to me completely. I thought that was the end of it but no.
A couple of days ago Steve started messaging me on WhatsApp saying that I had asked him for a fight and stuff. I hadn’t (Iv never wanted to have a physical fight in my life). He then started messaging stuff like “love you *kiss*” and other stuff.
So anyway I told my friends about it and stuff and most of them agreed with me that they were dicks and stuff (obviously) except one said that I should just keep talking to the guys and that “the stuff they said wasn’t bad” and got annoyed at me for not wanting to talk to them
My question is AITA for not wanting to talk to those guys?
Sorry for the massive amount of text.
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| null |
AITA: Mom insulting and dismissive of my birthday wishes
|
So, my mom and I have had sort of an on/off relationship and lacked closeness over the years; partly because of the fact that I'm in school and an hour away from her, but also just because I have chosen intentionally to distance myself from her. Anyways our relationship seems to have been getting better; she calls more often and tries to reach out and have dinner more often than she used to. She recently messaged me asking if I wanted to have dinner for my birthday, but while we were discussing things she wanted to ask if I'd like to meet her fiance. Regardless of my reasoning, I feel like it's perfectly reasonable for me to not want to meet her fiance on the night that is supposed to be celebrating my Bday, but when I expressed that I wanted to not make my birthday celebration about her engagement, she replied "Well that's bitchy." I have no problem with meeting the guy some other time, and i've expressed this to her pretty tactfully so far, but to no avail she has kept pushing and clearly doesn't get what I want or care to understand. So I basically told her it's fine " We don't have to have dinner." Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "kicking my \"ex\" out after finding out she slept with my friend in my living room",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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|
AITA for kicking my "ex" out after finding out she slept with my friend in my living room?
|
So a little background on this girl, who for this story we'll call Sarah. I met Sarah back at the beginning of October, about two weeks after my long term girlfriend had broken up with me. We started hanging out, and I thought she was really cute but she was a huge druggy, bouncing from place to place cause she got kicked out of her house and she just didn't really have her life together so I wasn't really into her. Well, one weekend she ended up going to another city, doing meth, for the first time, for a few days, returning to our city and going to rehab, and then she was released like five days later.
She ended up coming over to my place and telling me she wanted to turn her life around. Said she was going to go completely sober, get a job, and try and fix things with her mother. Later that night we ended up having sex, and after we cleaned up and everything I immediately told her that I was still trying to get over my ex so I wasn't really looking for anything serious. She said that was perfectly fine, and was generally understanding about it.
We were just fuck buddies for about two weeks, and after much thinking I realized I really did like this girl and told her I'd like to give us a shot, so we started "dating". We ended up going to a friends that night, a friend whom she had a falling out with (who I found out later she also had sex with before we starting "dating"). They ended up making up and all was good, we all had a few drinks and were chilling. Then my friend asked us if we were exclusive, and I said that I personally thought we were, and she.... ran to the bathroom. I went to check on her and she said she wasn't ready for a relationship, and that she needs to focus on getting her life together. Alright, cool. That's understandable, I was not upset about that, cause it definitely made sense.
We stayed fuck buddies for another two weeks until she told me she didn't want to do it anymore, and I said that was fine. Well last Monday (about two weeks after she told me the above) we started talking, and she said she wanted to start dating again. She said she was ready to do so, telling me she really loved me, and I really liked her to, and she was doing a great job at turning her life around. She ended up getting a job and was completely sober. I had been helping her out a ton, driving her too and from work some days, letting her stay on my couch, eat my food, buy her food, etc.... So this "relationship" continued for a few days, with her telling me she loves me, calling me her boyfriend, telling me how much she liked me, etc... just the general boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. This all lasted until Friday. We went to a party and she barely talked to me the whole time. Wasn't a big deal, she was being social with other people. Then we came back to my place and my roommate had people over. So we all drank, played some games, and were having a good time. Later that night I went to give her a hug and she pulled away, and once again, told me she didn't want to be exclusive. I straight up told her that I couldn't be with someone that I'm not exclusive with and that this was the last time we'd ever be together cause this was the second time she'd done this. I went to bed, with her and my friend (who we'll call Kyle) slept on the couch. Now I met Kyle about a month ago so we didn't know each other too too well but we were still pretty good friends. He did not know about me and Sarah's relationship so I do not put any of the blame on him.
I guess they ended up sleeping together that night, right in my living room. Now keep in mind, I did not know about this, but I was still generally upset with her because I felt like she played with my emotions. A few days later (which would be last night) we ended up talking about it, I told her I was a bit mad at her, and I was trying not to be. She apologized and things were decent again. I started drinking some, and was being super nice and talkative to her again, definitely cause of the alcohol but I also felt like talking about it helped. I ended up asking her to not sleep with anyone I was close with, like my roommate or Kyle, especially since Kyle is moving in with us later this month. Well, she ended up telling me she already slept with Kyle, the night she ended things with me. I got really mad, and asked her how she could say she loves me yet sleep with some dude the same night she ended things with me. She went on this whole thing about how she's "able to love multiple people, and that sleeping with others while being in love doesn't mean she feels any different". I ended up telling her she doesn't know what love is, and that all the problems that are going on in her life are her fault. I told her that she is the cause of all these problems, and told her she needed to leave my apartment. I didn't care how, but she had to leave, so she had a friend of hers pick her up.
Am I the Asshole here? I truly felt like she kind of played with my emotions, and was just generally with me for the convenience of it. Cause as soon as she starting meeting new people and being around other dudes, she ended things. Not once. But twice. And I personally felt kind of played. Especially since she ended up sleeping with my friend, in my living room, the night she ended things with me a second time.
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RIGHT
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|
AITA For moving a stranger's bag on a train?
|
This happened a few years ago, but I just remembered it.
Me and my family were going on holiday so we were all in a bit of a grumpy mood from the preparation. When we got on the train my family managed to find seats next to each other, but I couldn't sit with them because the whole carriage was full. Apart from, that is, 1 chair next to a man with a carrier bag on it.
Being the passive aggressive Brit I am, I decided to move his bag down to the floor next to him which resulted in him barking at me. I know I should have asked but because the train was full I feel he shouldn't have had his bag on the only free chair. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
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5NDvP08yz1HTG5ldypecIE7Z7eRsRYWs
|
asc3id
| null |
AITA kids parent is angry at me
|
Im a swimming teacher and was taking someone else's class while they were off work sick so I thought I was doing good.
One of the classes had a new kid in it(I had no idea she was new) and the kid kept on misbehaving also wouldn't respond to me anytime I shouted her name and was being really sassy to me and saying she won't do things.
Eventually when she started grabbing onto other kids I had had enough and told her to sit on the wall at the side for a few seconds until she was ready to listen. The kid then threw floats at me when sat on the wall and just as I was going to let her back in the pool she threw her armbands at me in a fit and started crying.
After the lesson she would not go to her mum and sat on the wall crying eventually I got a lifeguard to stand with her till her mum collected her.
The mum went straight to my manager and complained saying I had not given her daughter any attention during the lesson and it was unfair that I sat her on the wall and that I had left her kid unattended and whatever else she said to make me look bad. She then took it further and emailed in aswell the next day.
I told my manager my side of the story and he said the mum told him the kid had partial hearing loss. If I had known that I could have possibly reacted better to her behaviour.
Now I feel like pure shit and this parent wont drop this and my manager keeps bringing me back to ask more questions. I literally just burst into tears while typing this in the staff room now.
So guys am I the asshole, should I have reacted differently? Or said something different? This parent wont stop bringing me down now with every spun off story she can come up with.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ZprONQOVR8ugdgOQKG49QFjNtUmYsDOk
|
avmpqq
|
{
"description": "wanting to buy a car with part of our taxes",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting to buy a car with part of our taxes?
|
My husband and I just got our taxes back today. Without going into specifics we got a good chunk of change back after working hard all year and claiming our 4 kids. We have a stack of old and current bills to pay which I agree, must come first. On top of that we just moved and owe for this house. My husband is all stressed out because he doesnt actually sit down and go over the numbers. I have. We easily have enough left to spend around 1500 to 2000 on a vehicle for me and our children that would be safe and realiable. (And also new enough to not look like a dumpster on the road, which is where I'm selfish) tonight I tried to talk to my husband about this but he cut me off and got all huffy about how I'm just going to do whatever I want anyway, and how I'm selfish for only thinking of myself. But I already went thru all the bills he asked me to, the house, and the appliances we had to replace and I know what we should be left with. I'm being realistic, I thought. He stomped off and went to bed angry because I'm just a selfish bitch. But keep in mind, we currently dont have a vehicle that runs and is large enough to fit our family of 6. We have a jeep that he drives, and our old broken down van. So am I am asshole for wanting to buy a new to me van that's safe, reliable, and looks nice?
|
HISTORICAL
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INFO
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RIGHT
|
PVXoF19BvtfD7v2fmQs8KMKFeeHTGfG9
|
a48rpw
|
{
"description": "giving my siblings half-assed Xmas gifts",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I give my siblings half-assed Xmas gifts?
|
I work with a large retail chain that does what any large retail chain would sensibly do and stay open on Thanksgiving. All associates who work Thanksgiving Day receive an extra 15% off of their next purchase as well as their current 10% employee discount, stacking to make a total savings of 25%. While I personally do not agree with supporting a company that makes their employees work on a family holiday, this is by far the best way that I have to purchase Xmas gifts cheaply for my whole family and friends.
I finally get my paycheck, and I texted both my siblings asking what they wanted for Xmas. My heart just about sank when I saw that both messages back was "Visa gift card".
The place where I work charges an activation fee on top of the amount that one would want to load onto one of these prepaid cards, so in my mind it would be cheaper if I just straight up gave them $20 cash and then spend the money on people who would appreciate the gifts. WIBTA? They're literally asking for money and have not specified an amount.
P.S.
I would also like to say that one of them is older than me and works as a paralegal while studying for the bar, and the other is younger than me and already gets plenty of support from our parents. I can't see either of them needing anything more than pocket cash, which is why I settled on $20.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
UiYBvZPROmVUggo5oUAQiF0gCQ6lwhO0
|
afqs6h
|
{
"description": "often making three meals at home",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA: We often make three meals at home.
|
This is kind of piggy-backing on the locked thread from the other day of the guy whose fiance won't eat his cooking.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/af3x7l/aita\_for\_being\_upset\_when\_my\_fiance\_wont\_eat\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/af3x7l/aita_for_being_upset_when_my_fiance_wont_eat_my/)
​
My case is slightly different, so I really don't know if I'm the problem here or not. We've been married about 8 years. More importantly, I don't know what perspective is the healthiest to take on this.
​
Example: tonight, my wife (47), mother-in-law, son (5) and I (45) are getting ready to have dinner. Like the previous poster, I do enjoy cooking; I like to experiment and hate using recipes. Sometimes, I lose- big time, but usually, I can do a pretty good job of making something delicious and healthy.
​
Anyway, about a year ago, my son (5yr) was diagnosed Celiac, and about 6 months after, I figured out that my 30 year gut problem is an IBS caused by onion, garlic, and all kinds of other foods containing fructans. Those foods containing gluten (a protein) also have these fructans (a sugar), so wheat, barley, rye- my son and I both get hit.
​
I don't think my problem goes beyond serious, explosive, burning, toilet discomfort for a couple days, but my son truly will have problems if he ingests more than a sugar packet's worth of gluten in a year (put your knife in peanut butter, wipe it on your 'regular' bread, go back to the peanut butter jar with the knife, guess what's now in the peanut butter- whatever kind of bread you spread it on next).
​
Anyway, as soon as I found out about my son's celiac, I cleaned the house of gluten. Anything remotely suspect, I put in boxes intending to give away. Wife came home; within an hour most everything was back on the shelves. Perhaps I over-reacted, I'm not sure.
​
Fast forward about 8 months. We now often just prepare three meals for dinner. My son, being five, well he'd likely get his own meal in any case, not just because the gluten thing, but also, he's five.
​
My wife though, she insists on buying both regular and gluten-free, well just about everything. So, we have gluten, and gluten-free peanut butter, gluten and gluten-free butter, gluten and gluten-free breads. Still gotta use the same toaster and all though. She made pizzas the other day using her bread-maker. One gluten-free pizza for the boy and I, a 'regular' one for her and our guests. Using the same bread-maker she'd been using for years. A sugar packet's worth of the gluten molecule, remember. But maybe I'm over-reacting.
​
Anyway- things are settling to where I cook meals and my wife does dishes/cleanup (I hate dishes- hate it- and I do it 'wrong' anyway too often). She'll still make meals occasionally too.
​
Now, my wife has a thing with beef- I can't pin down her reason though, because it often changes. For years, the reason was that cows produce methane, take up too many resources, bad for environment, etc. But then I pointed out her milk drinking habit, and the fact that there were more buffalo in North America before the slaughter than there are cows now, and that they share a similar physiology, etc. So now her reason seems to have switched to that it 'makes her feel bad'. Though I still hear the environmental piece from time to time. She has no problem with other meats- birds, pigs, fish, not much a fan of lamb or goat though.
​
But she'll eat the beef pot pies her mother makes. And she'll eat beef other times at her parents' house, or at other's houses.
​
So tonight, I go to make dinner for myself, my wife and my mother-in-law. I decided to season some ground bison (having this onion/garlic thing, I've got to create all my own seasonings from scratch- EVERY seasoning mix has onion or garlic powder). Then I put it over rice and made a tomato-cucumber-corn salsa to put over top of that (because, again- I defy you to go find a salsa without onions or garlic).
​
And it's good- it's really, really good. But my wife won't have any of it. Because I used the bison ground beef. She said last time she tried it, she had too much and it made her feel bad. So instead, we just get in each other's way in our cramped kitchen while she prepares an entirely different meal using nothing I had prepared tonight except the rice. The meal she decided to have was my leftover veal-tomato-sweet potato crock pot disaster that I don't intend to have another bite of myself, I'm so disappointed with it.
​
In any case, when the meal was over, my mother-in-law said, 'Thanks, that was good.'. And I said, 'Thanks, I'm glad somebody enjoyed it." My wife said, "You didn't like it?" I said, "No, it was great!". She again said something about how last time she tried the bison she, 'Didn't feel good'. Then she proceeds to take another bite of the vegetables she'd picked out of the crock pot veal leftovers. Knowing full well that veal is cow.
​
This kind of behavior, is regular. When she makes me salads with the bitter, yucky plant leaves I just don't like, I eat them. I might complain a little, but I don't just make my own meal instead.
​
So folks, AITA for sitting here feeling bad because I live in a family that has to have three separate meals on a regular basis? Is this any different than the previous poster's situation with his fiance? Should I do more to cater to her choices of food items, when my son and I have diagnosed medical problems associated with foods that she refuses to adapt her own eating and grocery habits to?
​
Please ask for clarifications if you need them- I'm not looking for validation here- I really don't know if I'm an asshole or not.
​
TL:DR- Wife prefers not to eat beef. I make family meals and will use bison or beef (usually bison if I can find it) maybe once a week or every other week, but my wife won't eat it and just makes her own meal instead. My son and I have diagnosed/medical food issues, but she brings the offending foods home anyway. AITA?
​
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ptsTuy7KQYk6VB4PyESbI3ivqDeqUQaJ
|
b93h7w
|
{
"description": "reneging on my sister offer to be her babies godfather",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA (42m) for reneging on my sister (35f) offer to be her babies godfather.
|
First off my sister is a bit crazy. I think she has some sociopathic tendencies. She one of those people that will do anything to make her self look better then you and she fights with and talks shit about everyone. For example she get arrested for drunk drive and blames the cops for catching her. She drank and smoked during her entire pregnancy and had my mother convinced to the doctor said she special and can do this with not effect on her first baby who is autistic. Anyway. She asked me when she found out she was pregnant. I only said yes so may mother wouldn't get upset. My youngest (3) and her newborn where both born on St Patrick's day, March 17. Things is she called the birth date nine months and actually said "there are no babies born in March." , and continued to act like my boy does not exist. To the point were she'll bump in to him and be like I just didn't him. It sounds crazy but I feel like she made it so she was induced to give birth that day and I just don't want her around me.
|
HISTORICAL
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INFO
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|
RIGHT
|
0IOO6YQXPOGNOWOkL8aFIswFbnhYvXIP
|
avxd8w
|
{
"description": "not liking a guy",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not liking a guy?
|
This was a while ago, but I still get blamed for it.
So, a long story short: I met a guy and we became great friends. We had the same interests and we liked the same things so we had a lot to talk about, and I barely have any friends so I was very happy with this!
We later decide to become “fuck buddies” as you call it I guess, and we both made it VERY clear that it was strictly sex and no emotional bond, so we were free to be with and talk to other people. This worked out great (the friendship, not the other part) until he said that he has feelings for me, and probably had a crush on me. I made it clear that I did NOT have those feelings for him, and I really liked our friendship and I wanted it to stay like that. He got mad, but it got better when I explained that I couldn’t help the fact that I didn’t have any “love” emotions for him more than a friend. He accepted it and moved on. We stopped having sex, because I didn’t want him to fall for me more I guess? But at last he convinced me that it was fine and that his crush on me had passed. I know, my fault for trusting that.
After a while, we stop the whole sex act because I didn’t see the point of it. We had a really good friendship and it was really fun. He talked to other girls, I talked to other guys. He started acting weird tho.
Few months later he tells me that he’s in love with someone else and that he really really likes this person, which obviously makes me happy since he seems so happy! At this point, I had also developed feelings for another guy and everything seemed to work out great.
But, alas, two months after that I made my relationship public with the guy I loved (since my friend more or less had done the same?) but my friend got so angry at me. He said horrible things and did horrible things. I was confused because he was dating and in love with someone else, so I truly did not see a problem?
But am I the asshole for not having a crush or romantic feelings for my friend?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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w28p01oWc1hoxZ8NfxGslM0u8dpGo5Lx
|
adoagm
|
{
"description": "telling alcoholic so she has a drinking problem",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling alcoholic SO she has a drinking problem?
|
(Sorry throw-way account)
Yesterday evening she got upset with me. It happens to her a lot lately. When she' s been drinking, she now gets upset over pretty much anything.
She was giving me hell for not letting her know that in two months time our kids had a day off from school and I had decided I would take the day off from work to take care of them. I know it sounds weird, I'll explain:
It's just that our babysitter (neighbor) told me ( days/weeks ago) that she would not be available 3 days at the end of February, and she usually takes care of our kids 30 minutes after school.
I checked the school schedule and saw that they had one day off during those three days. I didn't think twice about it because it's pretty easy for me to take a day off once in awhile, and it was still months away!
Yesterday my SO spoke to the babysitter, babysitter brought up her trip at the end of February. SO freaked out when she found out I already knew and didn't deem it worth mentioning immediately.
She was really giving me a lot grief and I got defensive. I was angry because I felt the whole thing was nonsense. She was getting all upset, and as usual she had drank more than a whole bottle of wine with supper.
I got fed up and said "The real reason you're so upset is because you are drunk, and drink WAY too much, which is leading to you being permanently upset/depressed.”
She then ran off and cried herself to sleep.
Now I feel like the bad guy and she's barely talking to me...
Just to be fair, in general she is a very kind person. Very generous and giving. 98% of the time we get along great... even when she's drinking (although I confess to tip-toeing around any conversations in the evenings). But yesterday was like the straw that broke the camels back for me.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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VvVkQmxJKaZInKCO4nnEGHrdEIRiK2jt
|
ax80td
|
{
"description": "asking my personal trainer to stop working out during our sessions",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I ask my personal trainer to stop working out during our sessions?
|
Non-native English speaker and first-time poster, so bear with me please. I've started training 3x/week with a personal trainer, as I desperately want to lose weight. This has been going extremely well, even with my nervousness beforehand. We get along well and I really felt like I was improving. We even became friends in a way, which may have been a mistake.
He's a lovely guy and obviously knows what he's doing. However, a few weeks ago he asked me if it'd be alright if we trained together, assuring me I would get the same level of workout I would normally get. In the beginning I also really enjoyed the working out together, but now it's gotten to this point that he trains more during this hour than I do. (For example, we alternate on the same exercise with one person doing it and the other person waiting. Now he always does 4 sets and I do 3 or even 2 with me waiting during his 4.)
As I'm paying a lot of money for this - and as nurse it's a real big part of my paycheck - I want to ask him if we can go to our usual workout where he just supports me while I'm doing the exercises. However, I fear it might be selfish of me. And he's really enthusiastic about it, defintely not rude.
As a non-assertive person, I'm wondering if it's worth bringing it up, or if I should just keep going like this and be grateful for the workout I get.
TL:DR; My personal trainer starting working out with me during my sessions, giving me the feeling that I don't get the same level of training as I used to. WIBTA if I ask him to go back to our usual workout, where he solely supports me?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
tqbO86o5BhvHMhFWJxWQzL6LrXXQqVJf
|
amwfes
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be friends with someone and then they badmouth me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be friends with someone and then they badmouth me?
|
This happend a while ago and I belive it has been resolved, but sometimes I still wonder if I was truly in the wrong.
Let me paint a picture, of two girls, good friends, talk 24/7 and are known friends. Let's call my friend... Katie. Katie and I were friends for around three years, but around the beginning of last year we've been growing in distance. We start not talking as much, and simply becoming less and less close. Soon enough, I start to find her annoying, yet I'm still friendly and respectful twords her. Never ignoring her and never being rude to her. Let me explain that her and I have a close friend who is still currently my best friend and has been for almost five years now (much longer than her and I have been friends). Let's call my bff... Jim. Katie, Jim, and I were connected at the hip, before she started drifting away from us. Eventually, shit hits the fan when my birthday rolls around.
I had decided that year to just have a small party with close family and maybe a couple of friends, very different to the massive parties I've had every year before. I was sitting at my normal lunch table with Jim and Katie and our immediate friends, talking about my birthday.
Jim: So, what are you going to do for your birthday?
Me: I don't know, probably a movie or something small. *Me talking directly to him* But whatever is it you'll obviously be invited. *I say it in a joking tone, because everyone knows Jim and I are very close.*
Katie: I'm clearly invited too, right? *talking in a smartass sort of tone*
Me: *laughs nervously* I don't know man... I don't know how many people I'm allowed to invite. (This is complete and utter bs because my parents are super chill and would've allowed me 50 guests of I'd ask).
The conversation is finished there and the table is left with a tense mood for the rest of lunch. Fast forward to the day of my Birthday, by this time Katie has been on my nerves for weeks and I'm very annoyed with her. Right as the last bell rings I see her running up to me.
Katie: We still on for that movie tonight??
Me: *very confused, I'd never given her a definate that I was ever going to a movie, I just smiled and laughed it off, and told her I hand to catch the bus*
Another fast forward to the night of my birthday, the movie is over and my parents have just dropped Jim back at home, I was going through stories on snapchat when Katie's story had caught my eye. The post was something under the lines of: "Today I've been betrayed by people I truly trusted. These people have been ignoring and discluding me lately and I don't know why. I really thought they where my friends, but I was sadly mistaken." She then goes to list all the differences we have and ends it with "I guess some friendships aren't meant to last". (I dont remember exactly, but I do remember it was unnessisarily dramatic).
Now this pissed me off, it was my birthday and she was saying this shit on snapchat?? I replied to her story with:
Me: Hey, I have no idea why you're posting these lies on snapchat, I have NOT excluded you. YOU WERE NOT INVITED!! And don't you dare bring Jim into this because he has NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! Goodnight.
*the next day*
Katie: You have NO RIGHT to talk to me that way! You've been rude and unfair twords me.
I didn't reply. I was in shock, I showed screenshots to Jim and we both had no clue on how to handle this situation. Now, fun fact about Jim he is what's called... the nicest person on the planet. And because he didnt want any bad feelings, he continued to be her friend and talk with her. And I was totally cool with that, sure it bothered me a bit, but he is aloud to be friends with anyone he chooses.
Final flashforward, it's the new school year, summer has gone buy and I'm officially on the "I dislike Katie" bandwagon. Now, I haven't spoken to her in months, when I see her at school, she seems to have forgotten everything that happened. Which, honestly, I'm okay with. I just want to go back to being aquantences. The first day of school she runs up to me and gives me a big hug, and I reciprocate as to not be rude. But I just get her annoying vibes all over again. I am so angry to be around her and, to this day, I have no idea why. I start ignoring her, like, actually ignoring her. And yeah, kinda a bitchy thing to do, but get this, one day I was at lunch when a friend of mine suddenly texts me.
Friend: Hey, do you know a Katie?
Me: Katie (Last Name)?
Friend: Yeah, she just talked shit about you to me.
Me: What'd she say?
(This is the legit text my friend sent to me)
Friend: Okay so she asked me if you and I were friends and I said yes. And she was like "well be careful she stopped talking to me and was talking shit" so I said "no she wouldn't do that" and she said "well she did" and I said "you must have misunderstood I know she wouldn't hurt someone like that" and she was again like, "she did" and offered to show to the texts between her and Jim. So I saw the text and it was basically about how Jim told her than you didn't want to be friends with her but he still did.
I am completely dead, my heart sinks. I HAVE talked shit about her behind her back (sounds horrible ik) but that was before the school year started. I was PISSED. I stormed off and texted Jim.
Me: Katie is talking shit about me.
Jim: WHAT?! What'd she say?
*I send him was my friend showed me*
Jim: Oh my gosh! I'm so so sorry. I never intended to cause drama, I was just trying to keep it real.
And me being the big teddy bear that I am, forgave him. Afterall, he is my best friend and I trust he wasnt trying to ruin my life or anything. Days past and I've told this story to basically anyone who would listen. Surprisingly everyone I told was like "yeah she a bitch". I had NO IDEA everyone hated her so much.
But what REALLY BOILS MY SOUP is that only days later she comes up to me and gives me a huge hug, congratulating me on the role I had just been given in the school play and asking for a selfie. I say okay, because I hate confrontation. Why the HELL would you talk crap about someone BEHIND THEIR BACK and then go up to them and hug them like NOTHING HAPPENED?? I understand I wasn't very kind twords her in the end but she has NO RIGHT to be such a bitch twords me MONTHS LATER. I know I couple handled the situation better but I'm still upset about this.
Am I the asshole?
(Sidestory, just last week I found out that a good friend of mine confronted Katie about this shit, this is how their conversation went.
Friend: *sitting next to Katie due to seating chart*
Katie: Hii (friends name), I'm so happy to be sitting next to you.
Friend: I'm not.
Katie: *face drops* what?
Friend: You've been talking shit about (my name). *turns to teacher* Can I be moved? I dont want to sit next to her. *the teacher moves her*
Katie: *almost crying*
I do not know if this is true, this is what my friend told me.)
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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HwC1TLrHo3CiQmNnN5A5frZdGrJEdhia
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ak4j0w
|
{
"description": "going after students in my university to join my faith-based organization",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 75
}
|
AITA for going after students in my university to join my Faith-based organization?
|
I go to university in the US and am part of a Faith-based organization in which we do stuff ranging from Bible study to soccer games. Since we do not have too many people in our group, we are always on the look out for more. Many people join us for soccer or playing board games but not many of them are interested in studying religion. I think that if someone plays soccer with us, they should join us for other things as well, as part of the group.
There was one freshman who called me out. I thought he was way out of his limits. He joined me to play FIFA one night, and then stopped answering my texts. I keep asking him to join our faith meetings but he just ignores. Since he doesn't tell me to stop, I keep messaging him and asking him to join, because if he does pick up an interest I don't want him to skip anything. Same applies to the other people I message. I believe that God loves all His children, even the ones who don't care or believe in Him. I want them to at least join us for one session of Bible study. But they don't. Even worse, they have started ignoring even the invites to do other fun things.
Back to that freshman. I messaged him about a large group meeting we had planned to discuss Christianity as well as do other stuff like talk about college experience. He finally responded, but it wasn't what I had hoped. He was like "Stop messaging me, I am not interested in any of this. Please don't force your meaningless values on me, how would you feel if I kept inviting you to atheism meetings?" Then he blocked me before I could answer his question.
I may sound like an asshole here, but this is what happens at college. Anyone else in such a situation can understand.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
BiDe80UqjsoebCsjQZxGOnM9Fv4EEFO8
|
ak3872
|
{
"description": "telling my friend that I can't be friends with her anymore because she's somewhat suicidal",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my friend that I can’t be friends with her anymore because she’s somewhat suicidal?
|
I know you’ve probably already concluded that i’m the asshole but let me give you same context.
I’ve been friends with this girl for over 6 years. We’re not as close as we once were but i’ll say she’s a good friend of mine.
Sarah tweets a lot of depressed shit. And yeah we’re young and wanting to die is now kind of a meme but Sarahs tweets are another level depressed. But the way she is irl is kinda different. Her life is pretty good tbh. Her parents paid for uni so she’s not in debt, she has a pretty good relationship with her family, she’s somewhat comfortable with money (as comfortable as a 20 something year old person can be, really), she’s pretty social, is always up for a night out and is overall a social person (not saying social people can’t be depressed just added this in just incase it would be relevant.)
She also has the worst mood swings i have ever seen in a person and she’s pretty fucking passive aggressive. When she doesn’t get her way, she emotionally manipulates people by making them feel bad about their decision and at this point i’m immune to it but it doesn’t stop her. She doesn’t hold herself accountable for her actions and playing victim is basically her middle name but I learn to live with it because everyone has their bad attributes right?
I find that people are usually more honest on the internet so i try to take her tweets seriously but there’s only so much i can do as far as helping her. i check up on her, I always tell her i love her and reassure her whenever i can but there’s nothing like professional help. I suggest good therapists that she can go to but she always gives one excuse or the other about why she won’t go for therapy.
Fast forward to today. She came over to my house and we were just chilling. We’re pretty good friends as i’ve said before so we were both just working on different things in each other’s company. Suddenly she stands up and wants to leave. I look up at her and she’s sniffling. I ask what’s wrong and she just says she wants space and leaves. Mind you, this isn’t the first time something like this has happened so i let her leave.
About an hour later (this is at about 2pm btw), a mutual friend calls me and tells me to check up on Sarah. Apparently she texted another one of our mutual friends ranting about how ‘she pushes hard but nobody pushes her harder’ and some cryptic shit about being tired of everything. Of course the guy is confused and asks her to explain and she replies with ‘you’ll know soon’.
Her number wasn’t going through, her texts stop delivering and no one knows where tf she is. We’re all freaking out of course and calling her phone constantly. I’m the only person who lives in the same city as her but I was tied up at the moment and couldn’t go to her house so I called her flatmate. Her flatmate said she wasn’t home yet but would be in about 30 minutes but 30 minutes is a long ass time and a lot could happen in that time so I was basically going crazy.
When her flatmate finally got home, she called me kinda pissed and said Sarah was in her room chilling. Apparently she rushed out of work early because she was scared about Sarah too. I was livid. I told her to give sarah the phone and that’s when i told Sarah that i wasn’t gonna keep being her friend if she kept pulling shit like that (not her first suicide scare but definitely the scariest). I told her that i couldn’t handle the emotional turmoil and i was just tired of chasing her instead of taking care of myself.
Also, it wasn’t really a spur of the moment thing that i regret now. I’d been thinking of it for a bit and i still mean everything i said to her.
So, AITA for telling her i couldn’t handle the weight of her friendship anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Z8kGYrt86ukjs3vBC4QLnQpOq2ulUCy3
|
b8zq33
|
{
"description": "putting my roommates things in a box",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for putting my roommates things in a box?
|
Lease is up at the end of the month, he hates us, we hate him, I just avoid him, he trash talks us/about us to our friends.
He put his figurines (halo mostly, a few random things like star wars and what not) all over our bookshelf in the living room. We hand made this bookshelf and we have our books on it, he put them up only like 2 months ago (so 9 months after we moved in...) after a particularly bad time. (After christmas. He spent it alone because his family didnt invite him over -they dont like him-and we were at family who dont like him so he wasnt invited there. He asked if we could bring some food back but we didnt get his text.
He was mad, next day his dusty figurines were on our hand made bookshelf.
He's moving out after our lease, we told him we weren't renewing last month. He immediately took his dining room table and put it in his room for a week before moving it to a friends house.
So I knew he wanted his stuff away from us, Im cleaning the apartment up a little bit, see his dusty figurines and put them in a box and set them infront of his door. Didnt close the box so he can look and make sure all his shit is there, I have a few figurines honestly if he tries to claim them I dont care, take them all, get out I dont care if I lose my figurines to get rid of him.
But he be upset I touch his stuff. Am i the asshole? I want a clean apartment. I dont want his figurines to dust up the place and make my future roommate afraid to move in, thinking we're dirty. He visits a lot and I want to make sure he knows its not us.
(Deep cleaning today for a surprise for my boyfriend bc he's going through a hard time)
One last thing. I left it open for a reason. I wasnt packing it away, I was getting his stuff for him so he can do something with it. I can understand someone being upset if I tried to pack their stuff so that they didnt know if they had all their stuff.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
lnzDwfMERZdCBL9FVy4N4weeLxGdcMtL
|
b1yxpa
|
{
"description": "hating my brother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hating my brother?
|
Ok, so I'm a 14 yo boy and my brother is 19 yo. Through out my childhood, me and my brother were always fighting. He was always an ass and I was always a snitch ( not anymore), but we were children, it was always common for siblings to fight. We would always disagree on a lot of things but as a kid, he was still my brother and I loved him. My brother was an extrovert and he had a lot of friends but he was egotistical, selfish and a troublemaker. I was always a shy introvert who had harder time with people and I did what I was told and tried to be a good kid.
Now here's the problem
When I was around 6th or 7th grade ( my brother was in high school), I grew up a little bit, I stopped being annoying to him and mind my own business and even tried to be nice to my brother but everything changed. He started to bully and harass me every single day ( I was getting bullied in school and had low self-esteem and confidence and he didn't help). He always called me a retard or dumb and if I tried standing up for myself he would get physical and that lasted for two years. I would cry myself to sleep because of him. My parents knew this and they did everything they could like talking to him or threatening him but they couldn't do much. I don't know what I did to deserve that but he did it with no regrets.
Now we cooled off and I try to avoid him but even now when we do talk he would still try to put me down. I don't love him because of it and because people always compared me to him and said to be more like him and I lived my life thinking I should be like him and things he said to me were truth. I learned that I am not perfect but I shouldn't be yo hard on myself. For all of that I don't like him and hate him even though I try to love him he is making it hard for me.
He stopped that behavior towards me for the most part but I still can't move on from what he did to me with no regrets.
When I tell people this they tell me stuff like " That was in the past" or " He's family " and I don't know if I'm the asshole for still holding grudges towards him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
gKNMu0Qop1tZTKs2thEdwOjHOjTaQc57
|
at3cus
|
{
"description": "throwing my Ex-Roomates dishes out",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Throwing my Ex-Roomates Dishes Out?
|
On mobile, I'll try my best.
At the end of 2018, my old roommate moved out. He decided to go to a different college. He was a really messy guy and didn't clean up after himself, especially in the kitchen. The day he was supposed to leave, the sink was completely full of his dirty dishes. Like completely full. He had mentioned that his girlfriend would be coming to pick his things up. I was under the impression that it was a big blue bin he had left.
Being that I had cleaned his dishes in the past because he had no intentions of doing them, I decided to throw his dishes out. I didn't want to waste MY time and energy cleaning them. I figured they weren't that important if he left them there dirty anyways.
So, come the end of January, I get a message from his girlfriend that she was looking to pick up some stuff. I said that the bin was still here and ready to go whenever, but I was going to toss it at the end of the week.
His girlfriends says that she didn't know about a bin and was looking for dishes. I said that I threw them out. She did not like that. I said something along the lines of, "They're gone. They were sitting in the sink dirty, was I supposed to clean them?" She continues on to say that I had no right to do that because they belonged to my roommate (Who had moved out 2 months ago). The conversation ended with her calling me an liar and saying that I can talk to her boyfriend if I had anything else to say.
So, AITA?
TL;DR - Roommate leaves dirty dishes in sink after moving out. I throw them away. His girlfriend messages me 2 months after he moves out trying to get his dishes back. Calls me a liar.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
7Sg7tiRHHLZ8Mf3KWsk9RCGFP2g9x7bS
|
attcid
|
{
"description": "shouting at my Dad's gf",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for shouting at my Dad's gf?
|
My brother(M17) and I(F14) recently moved from Hamburg to Munich to live with my dad. This was planned since 2016.My dad's gf also moved in with him even though they've only known each other for 3 months by the time he asked her.
DGF is an extreme clean freak and has shouted at us multiple times for not being clean enough. Going as far as to tell us that there's a door and a train back to Hamburg as well.
Yesterday I shouted at her that if she can tell us we can leave, I can say the same thing to her. She then got mad and started bad mouthing my other siblings and my mother, calling us homeless people.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 12,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
cfB1cEOlM5FH7hrEYxGpBJIsOweASWQV
|
ai35be
|
{
"description": "reporting my prior place of employment to health department/food inspector",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for reporting my prior place of employment to health department/food inspector?
|
I worked at this place for a few months over the previous summer. I’m considering reporting them to some type of food inspector because I feel that since I worked there and have been aware of some things, I’m partly responsible.
Some background: Place is a small business that specializes in whole foods and ingredients. Common stop for the typical small-town hippie all organic wave. However, also good for people with allergies or health issues. They also have a small kitchen where they make deli-type foods to sell, like pint of pasta salad, or chicken salad, etc.
This place has committed what I would describe as food crimes. Something Gordon Ramsay would shit a brick over, possibly have a stroke from. They blatantly ignore food safety regs and guidelines and neither of the owners who work in the kitchen are serve safe certified, nor do I think they’ve done any research or inquiry in to proper food etiquette and sanitation methods for serving the public.
Here are some things they’ve done when I worked there:
- upon finding moldy, dark, slime covered lettuce (they don’t order by supply and demand so there’s always extras) they insisted it was fine to pull off the rotten leaves and salvage anything that looked “okay” underneath to serve
- emptied out containers of seafood chowder that was old & hadn’t sold, put the soup in a strainer in the sink, and rinsed off the sea food to make clam cakes with to serve
- thawing chicken at room temperature, in the summer, over night. In the AM it had an internal temp of 70 degrees (safety range is below 40F or above 165F) and they still insisted I use it and not waste it
- frequent use of expired food, like pasta, noodles, canned goods, etc to make food w/ and sell
- came to work to find tofu on counter, I’m supposed to make a tofu style salad. I make a beautiful, yummy salad and package it, it goes on floor for sale. Employee then informs me it had been left out over night. Owners knew this and never told me, they wanted me to use it anyway.
You’re probably thinking I should’ve spoken up about this stuff. I did, multiple times. I tried to explain that chicken must be at 165F or above to serve, and they’d mock me and scoff at me, like *I* was trying to waste their money by not wanting to use chicken out of regs to serve to the public. I tried to do things within servsafe/food safety regulations but it was always an annoyance to them. Like it offended them to conduct their business ethically.
So I probably sound like a total uppity asshole, right? Like who hasn’t eaten expired corn before? I’ve had plenty of “probably shouldn’t have eaten that expired yogurt” moments and eaten questionable things, and out of date milk.
But what makes it so different for me at work is the fact that when I eat something out of date, I’m making that choice for myself. I’m not feeding it to other people who are under the impression that they’re eating really strictly regulated food from a kitchen certified to feed the public. Not to mention, a lot of our customers have compromised immune systems and health problems. Foodborne illness is going to wreak a different type of havoc on a person who has a bad immune system or cancer, and some food borne illness can take anywhere from a couple days, a week, to a month to show symptoms. The customer wouldn’t even be able to identify the trigger of the illness and so I don’t see how this business will ever be forced to practice proper food safety and be held accountable for their negligence.
So I’m stuck with this sense of responsibility, to maybe report this anonymously to people who inspect kitchens or cooking methods. Idk. I don’t want them to know I did, obviously. I don’t want to tear down their business, I am by no means being vindictive, but I just feel at odds. Would it be fucked up of me, or even more fucked up of me to not do anything?
I’ve secured a new job that I’ve worked since September that I love. I work at a great restaurant with amazing people. We’re like family over here, so I’m not worried about losing an employment opportunity from my previous job if I do report this. I don’t think I’d go into detail about their actions, maybe just suggest to an inspector to check them out, anonymously?
TL;DR
Place I used to work at had really disgusting habits with the food we were serving to customers, don’t know if I should report this anonymously or suggest a routine inspection or not, WIBTA for doing this to a small business?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
scCvPZzNrBX1n7hlvNil4He2PO7ZTWGN
|
b1k3uk
|
{
"description": "asking the guy behind me politely to quieten his increasingly drunk \"date\" so I could hear the band on stage over her drunken ramblings",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking the guy behind me politely to quieten his increasingly drunk "date" so I could hear the band on stage over her drunken ramblings?
|
So a few months ago I had an altercation at a concert and I've been wondering about how others would have reacted/if I might be a bit of an asshole here as well so here's the story. Usual apologies for formatting on mobile, etc.
It's Slash and Myles Kennedy in Denver CO on a Wednesday night so there are a lot of people there more interested in socialization and drinking than live music. I must preface the story with this detail because if you love live music (as I do) then that crowd can become a bit of an annoyance as the show goes on.
So my girlfriend and I started about halfway from the back and immediately noticed behind us a guy basically pouring booze down the girl he seemed to have just met. His buddies kept disappearing for more drinks and, the more they fed her alcohol, the louder she got. So - as is the trend at GA shows we kept moving upwards as people left. Problem: they figured out I knew how to move through a crowd and followed. Steadily.
After about 3/4 of the show we have been steadily moving up closer to the stage (with them finding their way to us every time, her getting louder and louder) until it gets to the point where I can hear her over Myles Kennedy. Now... For those of you who don't know who he is go listen because he has a higher register and I really don't know how she was drowning him out but she was.
So I finally turn around to the sober guy (the one getting her drunk) between songs and say "hey could you quieten her down a bit? She's so drunk she's yelling over Myles. Thanks" and turn around to watch the show.
Well about a song later his buddy (the booze-fetcher) tries to turn me around and loudly and aggressively explain concert etiquette (i.e. "It's a concert man it's gonna be loud") to me but when the next song started (World On Fire) I shoved his hand off my shoulder and said "I understand concerts but NOT during this f***ing song" and turned around again. My GF (who had stayed out of it to this point but had been bitching for an hour about the drunk) sensed my tension and dragged me further into the crowd before it escalated (as the grumbling behind me was starting to imply) and this time they couldn't follow as 2 of them were too wasted to negotiate the crowd. I was angry for a bit and haven't really doubted myself until another post on this sub earlier today so now I have to ask: Am I The Asshole?
TL:DR: sober guy pours drinks down drunk chick at a concert - when she starts yelling over the band I ask him to shush her cuz she's too drunk and him and his buddy take offense. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
G3s4G6QcHHWS4kDDRwiMtNMG8dfzJUJz
|
a4ruo9
|
{
"description": "wanting to break connections with an autistic friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to break connections with an autistic friend?
|
A few years ago I was friends with an autistic kid a year or so older than me, but he was held back so we were in the same grade, and I didn’t really like him, but he was troubled so I felt sympathy for him and hung out with him because no one else would. I even got him a FNAF stuffed animal for his birthday.
Last year or so he got into my gym class and he’s been trying to get closer and closer to me, and I just simply don’t want to.
Recently this year, i’ve been trying to make friends with a few new kids, but they really dislike this kid, i’ll call him J for short. The guys i’m trying to be friends with seem to like me as a friend as well and I think it could result in a good friendship, but J is stopping me from trying to be friends with them as he won’t stop following me and interrupting me but I don’t have the heart to just tell him I don’t want to be friends with J anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
NXtwYzCsk1w4F7n16gLxR1MAtm0su72S
|
b7p7x2
|
{
"description": "refusing to share a bed with a coworker at a mandatory conference",
"pronormative_score": 115,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to share a bed with a coworker at a mandatory conference?
|
i just graduated from college and i’ve been working as a receptionist . i’ve decided it’s time to get serious and find a career. i interviewed at 10 places and a few offers before accepting a new job.
i was so excited to not work weekends anymore, getting off at 5 everyday, earning a little more money to pay off my student loans, and having some pocket change for concerts
after about a week of training at my new job, i am told that we are having a mandatory conference in which we will have to stay the night at a hotel in the same city that i live in. their reasoning for making everyone stay even though some of the other offices were within 10 miles of the hotel was that since some people were coming from out of town and they wanted it to be fair for everyone.
i thought it was stupid they were making us stay in a hotel because my house was less than 5 miles from the hotel and i could easily just go to all the training and the dinner while still being able to go home. however, i decided to get over it & try to get over my fears & anxiety about forced interaction with people who are aren’t like me (i’m a bit of a free spirit)
upon my arrival to the conference, i overhear one of the girls saying that we are sleeping four to a room and TWO TO A BED. i start to panic and run to the bathroom with tears in my eyes trying to stop myself from having a full blown panic attack. i text in my group message with the girls in my specific office if they knew we would be cosleeping next to someone and they blew it off like it was normal.
i make it through my 1sr class (i have a history of getting panic attacks so severe that i’m left hyperventilating for hours until i can calm myself down) & as soon as it was over i pulled my supervisor aside and ask her if she knew that we would be sleeping 2 to a bed. she said yes, & i told her that had i known that were the sleeping situation i would of never agreed to it and i would let her know way further ahead of time that i am NOT okay with sleeping in the same bed as someone. she tells me i am over reacting and that it is mandatory and that i’ll be the only girl not staying and it’s gonna make me look like i’m not a “team player”. she told me that i would have to accept a write up as punishment for not staying. i told her that was fine, i would accept whatever punishment, i felt very disrespected and like i was being pushed to do something i was very uncomfortable with and she just stormed off
after the next class was over my supervisor came to me to tell me that they weren’t going to write me up, but they were officially uninviting me from the company dinner and the bonding exercises that were scheduled after.
i feel like this will stop my chances of being promoted within the company and i feel like all the other girls are going to think i’m an outcast freak because i “threw a fit” about sharing a bed instead of just following suit
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Lxh5MkfeSIeM5RdS2s2yDxmQv2a2qviZ
|
amfsld
|
{
"description": "being upset with my girl because she thinks I'm cheating",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset with my girl because she thinks I’m cheating.
|
So my girl and I have dates for five years and lately our relationship has been great. However, she’s had trust issues with me from the jump to where even if provided with no evidence she will act towards me like it actually happened.
It upsets me because she cheated when we were first started dating and I’ve had plenty of opportunities to get my revenge but I always chose not to because that’s not who I am. So the closes thing I’ve done to “cheating” was dming a celebrity and saying she’s gorgeous. Just because it was my own inner self saying “got you” with out actually doing anything because I’d hate to hurt her. Plus she’s told me celebrities she’s found attractive so it’s not that big of a deal.
Basically it seems like anytime I’m away from or with friends “I never prove to her she can trust me”. But I don’t get too drunk when I go out per her request. I avoid contact with females that find me attractive and overall I’m just a loyal as bf. But because “I don’t help her trust me”it’s my fault that she feels like this and I need to do more for her to trust me. Personally I feel like I do enough for us to have been together for five years and me always be loyal to her and constantly have to tell her I’m loyal I think should be enough. So am I that asshole for being upset and thinking she’s always overreacts when it’s comes to her thinking I’m not loyal?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
McjLSx3Zw630VeLtBjEeIyzdG8A6Cp7I
|
al7tzt
|
{
"description": "not wanting to get married to my girlfriend for not having enough sex in our relationship",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to get married to my girlfriend for not having enough sex in our relationship?
|
This is my first time posting here so forgive me if I mess anything up. Im doing my best to follow every rule that you guys have.
So onto the issue at hand: I met my current girlfriend when we were in college (about 5ish years ago). We started out as fuck-buddies to blow off some steam in-between classes. We both had huge sex drives and would have sex at least 3-4 times a week, often times with multiple times during a meet up. We both eventually developed feelings for each other and we’re now happily in a relationship. Sex/physical touch is really important to me. It’s how I feel close to my partner.
We’ve been together almost five years now, and for the last two I’ve noticed a significant decrease in our sex life. I’ve tried addressing the issue with my partner multiple times but she just kind of blows it off, blaming it on stress or being tired.
Here’s some background: About two years ago, I got a promotion that required me to move to a new city. I talked with my partner and we both agreed that we would relocate. However, that new city is notoriously more expensive than where we were living. We weren’t struggling, but she got a second job to help out. She would often work 20 hours a week on top of her normal 30 hours a week at her primary job. This is when I first noticed a drop in our sex life. But, I understood. We were in a new city, had new jobs, she was working more. So our sex decreased from 3-4 a week to maybe once a month. We also put on a bit of weight (both of us) nothing drastic, maybe 20-30lbs. Relationship gut and all. She still looked absolutely stunning. I would do everything in my power to tell her that she was sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, etc. I complimented her constantly, but when I tried to even makeout with my girlfriend, she would push me away and tell me to stop. That she didn’t feel attractive or that she was tired, or that she wasn’t in the mood. I tried to motivate us both to get to the gym but she would go with me for a bit and then give up. Not to mention that whenever we would go we would bicker and argue, so we stopped going.
This went on for about a year. Then I got word that I was up for another promotion at work that required me to move… right back to the city where we started. So up we go, we pack and move back down to the first city. We’re happier, living in a place that costed half of what we were paying in the other city. So she only needed to work one job. Yay!
However, then we find out her mom is sick. The doctors give her about 1-2 weeks before her mom is dead. So she packs everything and flies out to take care of her mom. Well, it turns out that her mom rallies and she ends up being out there for 3 months taking care of her mom in this never ending roller coaster of will she or won’t she die. She ends up coming back home while her mom is still sick because she ran out of time-off and had to go back to work. Now, I know that she’s in a pretty fucked up headspace from this. So, I give her some space and don’t pressure her whatsoever. Our sex life has dropped from once a month to basically non-existent. I try a few times but get pushed away. Not a big deal. I totally understand. I comfort her during this hard time, staying up late talking with her, building blanket forts, taking care of the chores around the house, giving her back rubs and doing everything I can to ensure that she feels taken care of and secure.
A few months go by, and we haven’t had sex. I try talking about it and she bursts into tears about her mom dying and how she can’t even fathom being sexual. It sucks, but again— I get it. This goes on for about seven months, all the while her mom is on a transplant list (I literally don’t know how she went from 1-2 weeks to seven months. Call it a miracle or just the classic Russian stubbornness but it is what it is). Finally, she gets a transplant! Yay! She flies back for the transplant and all goes well. Her mom is in recovery and doing well!
Awesome! So, she comes back home but her sex drive still hasn’t changed. It’s been about six months since the successful transplant and we haven’t had sex in almost 4 months. Everyday she comes home and smokes a ton of weed and gets way too high, and won’t even kiss me let alone anything else. I’ve tried talking to her about this subject so many times but all I get is lip service and her telling me “I’ll work on it” or “I’m going to therapy” but nothing changes. I still am doing my best to take care of her and let her know that she’s loved, but Im starting to get really frustrated with her because for almost 2 years we’ve only had sex a handful of times. Maybe about 4 or 5. And like I said earlier, sex is really important to me. It’s how I feel close to my partner. And without sex (or physical intimacy) I feel more and more distant to my partner. I’ve tried talking with her about not having sex but just doing foreplay or just making out, but she refuses to compromise and just falls back on how “emotionally hollow” she feels and how she just can’t give that to me.
She’s talking about marriage soon and I cannot even begin to think about getting married to someone who can’t be intimate with me in any meaning of the word. I still love this woman to death and I can’t imagine being without her, but I feel like a complete asshat for having needs and wanting to have sex with her. Life is full of stressors and emotional events and I think it’s important for us not to let that get in-between our relationship or our intimacy.
So, AITA for being hesitant about marriage because of our lack of intimacy in our relationship?
TL;DR: Girlfriend and I have been together almost 5 years, but our sex life has decreased significantly for the last two years of our life due to multiple stressors in our life. Girlfriend is talking about marriage but I don’t know if I can get married to a woman who doesn’t want to be intimate with me anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 33,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
NdH5Pim2ebSRZKl8vKJ29t8vvCTW1fiB
|
b359k0
|
{
"description": "talking to my friend about them joining the military",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I talked to my friend about them joining the military?
|
So today a friend of mine told me and our other friends that she talked to the local army recruiter and intends to join the armed forces of the United States of America. She has some time before she can join because she needs to study for the exams and get in better shape first.
When I heard the news, I nearly turned pale and sick with worry for her. Not only am I obviously horribly worried for her life, I also personally am very much so against the United States as a country, particularly the military, and while I do share my opinion about it when it is relevant, it is far from the only thing I talk about. I am also currently reading Johnny Got His Gun, and this book has only further driven me away from the path of American nationalism. I don't want to see my friend crippled or dead fighting for the men that lead this country.
So I want to have a talk with her about why I am so worried about her and that I don't think it is worth her life for whatever salary and benefits that she is promised. And that it isn't right to fight people in their countries halfway across the world for it. But I am worried that I might be overstepping my boundaries. We used to be romantically involved so us talking about serious topics isn't something we aren't used to, but I think that I may come across as forcing my beliefs down her throat and not letting her make her own decisions. I don't intend to have more than one conversation about the matter, because she can make her choices without me on her back, but Would I Be The Asshole for even bringing it up?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
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