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au16x8
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{
"description": "declining dessert",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for declining dessert?
|
This happened awhile back, but it gets brought up in conversation among my friends whenever dessert gets mentioned, so I thought I would get some input on it.
I (20'sM) had been dating my then girlfriend (20's) for a few months and visited her family who lived about 3 hours away with her. The last night that I was there, we visited her grandparents who cooked dinner. Everything seemed to be going fine, and I got along with them well. As the evening was winding down, her grandmother asked who wanted dessert - peach cobbler. It's not something that I enjoy eating, so I declined my portion (I think I said something like "No thanks, I'm fine."). I also had to be back home for a doctor's appointment the next morning, so I had to leave soon after to make the 3 hour car ride back (My girlfriend stayed a few more days.). I thanked everyone for dinner and the hospitality and headed out after about half an hour and didn't hear any complaints about my behavior when I asked how things went other than her family mentioning that I was relatively quiet.
Fast forward 6 months. I had seen her grandparents once since then when they visited our town, and everyone was cordial. My girlfriend had just recently moved back to her home town due to her health/career, and I visited over a long weekend. While I was there, my girlfriend received a phone call from her mother saying that we would be having dinner with her grandparents again, which I was fine with since her grandmother seemed like a good cook. However, her grandmother was irritated and took offense that I did not have dessert the previous time, so I was expected to apologize for that and had to accept dessert on this occasion.
I didn't know how to react to this information when my girlfriend got off of the phone. I thought it was a joke at first. When I realized that it wasn't, I got even more confused. Nobody had told me ahead of our first dinner that I should never decline dessert, and the first time it's been mentioned since is now 6 months later. I had visited with her grandmother since then, and she made no indication that she was bothered by it. When I told my girlfriend how I think it's ridiculous to be offended by someone's taste in food, she told me it's easier for her (and thus easier for me) to just bite the bullet and apologize.
We went over for dinner that evening, and I did apologize for not having dessert the previous time and that I didn't want the grandma to think I didn't like her cooking (I had seconds of the main dish and dessert this time - as I mentioned, she is a good cook.). I think it was evident by my expression and the way I said things that I was sincere in not wanting to have offended her but that I also thought that the whole ordeal was absolutely silly.
Am I an asshole here for not accepting dessert? Is it something that someone should have to apologize for?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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TJZUFc1cwMfbBXj2t6FKNiYjlZyUEb0A
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b3j4q6
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{
"description": "being rude to my doctor",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being rude to my doctor?
|
Earlier today I had a doctor's appointment to talk about changing my birth control. I have been on the shot since my mom forced me to start it when I was 15. I'm now 19, and it's time to change because you aren't really supposed to be on it for more than two years because it may increase the risk of osteoporosis.
After talking over the options I have to switch to, I decided on a hormonal IUD (for those that don't know, it's a device that goes into the uterus and releases hormones to prevent pregnancy, and lasts 5 years.). The doctor explained how it works, how it's implanted, all that fun stuff. And then she asked "Does your mom know you're doing this?". I said "No, why would she?". She said "Well sometimes mom's have different opinions about these things and it's important to consult them.".
So I was like wtf??? And said "well my reproductive choices aren't really any of my mom's business, considering I'm an adult and it's my body." And the doctor rolled her eyes at me.
AITA? Was that too rude?
For context, about a year ago I had a similar appointment to talk about birth control options (same doctor), and my mom came with me to that one. I let her come back into the room with me because I didn't think it was a big deal, but as soon as the doctor came in and started asking me questions, my mom was constantly interrupting and talking over me. I finally asked her to leave after the doctor asked if I had any side effects and my mom said "yeah she got fat". Even after I asked her to leave, the doctor tried to argue with me and say it was okay for her to stay because "bUt sHes yOuR mOm", until I reminded her that I am an adult and have a right to medical privacy. Then after my mom left, she (the doctor) lectured me about how she's my mom and knows best, when I was just trying to get the appointment over with at that point. So my mom is kind of a sore spot, especially with this particular doctor, but was I too much of an asshole today?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
AuECqrgH4KUOH10wM4hbLnj2YSOaeXdm
|
afx16n
|
{
"description": "yelling at my sister",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For yelling at my sister.
|
So my sister had a lot of problems with my family (My parents and I) because of her now ex-boyfriend, like stealing from my parents and some heavy arguments, long story short he just disappeared and got into drugs, so now my sister, my two nephews and her cat came back to our house where she's only doing most of the cleaning, the thing is she doesn't care for her cat and barely pays for her food because "she does the housework", so i started an argument with her where i ended up saying she's staying for free and yet she can't take care of her cat, so she starting yelling at me that "this is my family too" and stuff like that, which i replied "you should have thought about that when you stole from us and blocked all contact with us when you were with your ex". I feel a little bad for yelling at her, but i still feel that she stopped being a close family member when she did all that stuff with her ex. AITA?
Sorry if there is any grammar issue, english is my second language.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
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EVERYBODY
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{
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"WRONG": 6
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WRONG
|
A6UVm5Nk8NszwlcaZ99AQJozr78Kkxhy
|
b668w3
|
{
"description": "making people come back when they are super early for an appointment",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making people come back when they are super early for an appointment?
|
At my work people make appointments. Like 3/10 times people would come in super early and expect me to accommodate them. At worst was 6 hours early but usually it's like 1-2 hrs early. They explain to me that they got off early from work or there was really light traffic and whatnot. When I tell them they will have to come back and I can take them up to 15 mins early I get this death stare and sometimes they get mad that they have to go all the way home and come back or wait and do nothing for a few hours.
I can take them early sure but AITA for wanting to stick to the agreed upon time?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
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|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
owEneGfKiQCUBvIz7gT53rEx8r9XMAI6
|
b398md
|
{
"description": "guilt tripping my mentally unstable friend into valuing her own life",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for guilt tripping my mentally unstable friend into valuing her own life?
|
So I’m going to keep this one short and sweet, because right now it’s really late, I need to be up for work in the morning, and my brain is currently fried due to the days events. I’m also going to skimp on a few specific details because of the filters for certain topics within the subreddit. Hopefully my ramblings will leave enough to piece together.
Recently about mid last week, a friend of mine who I’ve gotten to know really well over the last little while was in a really bad place and took some medication of which I’m unsure the exact nature of. She woke up some time later, threw up the most of the contents of her stomach, got something to eat, drink, and told me all about it. After the initial, obvious freak out, and some talking about it, and trying to convince her she SHOULDN’T be going on a raging drinking frenzy when the weekend arrived (all attempts at which she completely blew off), I had gone to bed for the night.
Waking up the next morning, I decided to check in on her, only to find out that almost immediately after I had left (approximately 6 hours after waking up from the attempt) she was getting drunk and playing video games like nothing had even happened. When I tried to bring this up, she brushed me off again, and went about ignoring me as she went back to her game. This put me in a slump. Due to distance the only thing I can do to try and help her was talk to her, but she wouldn’t listen.
Over the course of the week she would try to contact me several times, but with my slump, I was reluctant to say much more than I absolutely had to. Picking up on this, she took her opportunity to slip out of the conversations. This of course made me feel even worse. Fast forward to today, and after a few less than pleasant things uttered back and forth, I exploded. I’ve just spent the last hour and a half yelling at her, telling her she can’t expect her friends to just not care if she happened to *’disappear’* the next day, while she seems to care genuinely for her own friends. A lot of stuff got said which I’ll leave out for brevity.
This whole thing came to a head when I cursed her out for not taking proper care of herself, without thinking how it affects us. This actually made her speechless. But what got her was reminding her that she “never wanted to hurt anybody”, but went ahead with the intent of taking her own life, not grasping the fact that when she was gone, we would all miss her, wether she wanted us to or not.
This caused her to break down, she just began to cry and apologize until myself and another friend managed to calm her down. For the most part, despite feeling genuinely horrible about what I did, I feel like it was the right thing to do.
In the end, I think I finally got to her, and managed to hopefully have a lasting effect, if not a permanent one on how she values her own life.
So help me out here, guys and girls, because I really want to know what you think. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Ke4idMUYjhrl8uq44sqF4pxwLufZwVYg
|
b6kppv
|
{
"description": "not going back to my old job and potentially relying on my husband to support me while I job search",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I don't go back to my old job and potentially rely on my husband to support me while I job search?
|
So I'm 8 months in to a year long maternity leave, my son is 7 months old.
I was asked to take an early maternity leave from my job back in August 2018 because the company was suffering big time financially (which I know is true because I did the books). My son was born September 2018. I get one year of maternity leave so I would have to go back August 2019.
I have been saving money and plan to save my tax return to take an extra month off so I don't have to go back until after my son's first birthday.
However, I do not want to return to that job. It was highly stressful (I would come home crying some days), it was highly demanding (I'd be running back to the office after I'd gotten home to do something), and I think the owner is a huge jagweed. And honestly, I don't think I was even qualified for the job I had but got it because the other lady left and I was the most trained in her job. Also, the lady doing my job while I'm away is a whole new level of incompetent and I didn't want to clean up her mess.
I did make good money in the job, about $65,000/year. But I told my husband I didn't want to go back. I told him I'd rather start looking for a new job starting in July and I'd hope to find something new. I also said if worst comes to worst I'd go back to my old job but I'd keep looking for a new job because I didn't want to work there anymore. But realistically I'd like to not go back at all. He told me that that's just the way it worked around this area and I needed to suck it up because it's good money.
So WIBTA for not going back to a good paying job and possibly finding something that didn't pay as well. And asking my husband to support us while I do so?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
CxEeG15ixP07DBgStIYPcM9qK82tvFrx
|
arlgtq
|
{
"description": "commentating on a match and making someone cry",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: For commentating on a match and making someone cry.
|
Posted originally in TIFU but now I need to know if what I did was wrong.
I was going to my first Smash Bros. local and was hoping to win a few matches and impress everyone. When I went 0-2 I realized I had a lot more time and decided to watch some matches. I look over to a corner and see 2 guys sitting down at a computer screen with a mic watching a match a few feet over. I watch the commentary and they invite me to join for fun while one of them leaves.
When the match starts I just start talking about what was going on on the screen and don’t think much of it. After the game, one of the players starts crying and I learn it’s because of the commentators during the match. I apologized to her and posted my story and got a lot of messages saying that I was an asshole for that. I wasn’t even saying anything disrespectful during the match, just getting overly hyped at anything that happened.
Anyways AITA?
Tl;dr: I commentate on a match a little brutally and I cause someone to cry.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OxBaQeD6FOKGK8ekVRlVgOr1cTFfdC7e
|
b97pml
|
{
"description": "quitting a job I just started three weeks ago",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA quitting a job I just started three weeks ago?
|
So let me start this off by saying I’m NOT a lazy person, I grew up in a low income family and have always worked as hard as I can at any job I find myself doing.
That being said.
Three weeks ago I started a job in a dog daycare as a dog handler. I got this job because the owner of the business is a family friend and she knew I’d been looking for a second job for quite awhile. When I started the job I received barely any training, despite the fact I’d never worked with dogs in a pack setting (they knew this and were perfectly fine with it, they said they would give me all the training I need).
I was told I’d only be working 15 hours a week, this was a dealbreaker for me since it’s my second job and I need time for my other job- this past week I worked 28 hours. Apart from that the job is very very stressful to the point where during some shifts I find myself going into the bathroom and bust out crying. On a normal day we can get around 50 dogs- it’s just me in a room with them and with that number of dogs theres constant fighting (which I was never trained on how to break up a fight).
I feel so disappointed in myself that I’m considering quitting so quickly. I’m afraid that quitting will strain my families relationship with the owner. I also don’t want to quit because I know it won’t look good on a resume, and my other job is in a field that is overlooked.
Any and all feedback would be appreciated!
Tl;dr: I can’t stand my new job but I’m afraid of quitting over something that isn’t worth quitting over.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
lv7TwwwnckA5UpfdOGlo3s5InkWOrIXw
|
al2cp7
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for pictures",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for pictures?
|
I’ll try and leave a tldr at the bottom cause this may be long.
So my girlfriend (18f) and I (17m) are having a bit of a disagreement and I’m hoping Y'all can give us a different viewpoint, cause I think we are both being assholes in a way.
As a start, I dislike pictures, it stems from many things but at the base, it’s me being taken out of the moment and just not liking how I look. I never understood why people would use that phrase, but now that I’ve felt it, the idea of pictures makes me get this sense of dread. On the opposite spectrum, my girl loves taking pictures. Her dads a photographer, she’s one of those super Instagramy people, and she just enjoys it all around. With that, I do try to take pictures with her, I rarely actually turn it down, but this time I feel it’s different...
One of her close friends wants to be a photographer and does couple photography sessions, and right now she is doing a Valentine’s Day sale where it’s 50$ for a session. Now I work in fast food and try to save money where I can while still enjoying life. She doesn’t have a job but will do some dog sitting when a neighbor goes on vacation, though that is obviously that’s quite rare, in turn, I’ll usually pay for food or any activity we do.
She sees this sale and starts saying we should do it, I’m immediately put off by the idea because just taking pictures every now and then when out and about makes me uncomfortable, makings some of the time we actually get to see each other devoted to something I heavily dislike, obviously doesn’t sound appealing.
So we talk a little and its back and forth, her wanting too, and me not wanting too. She asks if it’d be better if she pays for half, I don’t really see that as helpful cause I still have to devote my time and money to something I don’t see as holding a lot of worth. So I recommenced either her father, or my brother (also a photographer we know a lot of them) could take them, cause her dad has offered, and my brother has brought it up before, but she said that would be more awkward. While I still wouldn’t necessarily enjoy it, it would (in my eyes) be more of a middle ground seeing as that would make her happy with pictures, and me happy on expenses.
Tldr: GF wants to take a 50$ photography session, I don’t like pictures and would rather save money. Both trying to find a middle ground, she wants to split the price, id rather take the photos with a family member for free.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
eKzri8qlwfFuf3pXdANOBFYTXLwHcb9S
|
al4630
|
{
"description": "changing in front of my roommates friend",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for changing in front of my roommates friend?
|
Last week, I came back from the gym intending to take a shower, as I smelled pretty bad. My roommate had his friend in the room, let’s call her J, and they were working on history homework. I made it apparent to my roommate that I intended to take a shower, something along the lines of “I smell pretty bad, can’t wait to be clean again,” and no one in the room seemed to have any issue. J barely looked at me, so I assumed that she’d heard me and had no issue with the situation.
Now, me and my roommate own a projector. We have a white sheet hanging from our ceiling, which we both typically change behind when the other is in the room. (Neither of us really care to see the other naked)
After I got back from the shower, I milled about the room in my towel, picking up pants, underwear, and a t shirt as I went, and then went behind the curtain to change into my clothes. When I came back out, I noticed J staring at me a bit oddly for the remainder of her time in the room, though she said nothing to me personally. She left about a half hour later.
Fast forward to the next morning, J texts my roommate and tells him how uncomfortable I made her by changing in the room while she was there. I texted J myself and informed her that it was my room, and she had not been mandated to stay while I was changing. I also told her that I was respectful enough to go behind the projector curtain, which is almost completely opaque, even with all the lights in room on, so there was no way she’d seen (any part of) me in the first place. She ended up complaining further to my roommate and told me how disgusting I’d acted.
My roomate has been pretty neutral in all this, though he’s made it clear to me that I was in the right, having announced my intention to shower well before I actually had. I’ve started to feel weird about what happened, so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
yswlwfQjrTujgyipouvuHOx84pYw0vrS
|
a51j20
|
{
"description": "sleeping with my friend's roomate, a mutual friend. now my friend won't speak to me",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA- I (24f) slept with my friend’s roomate (31m), a mutual friend. Now my friend (42f) won’t speak to me.
|
I met my friend’s roomate, Luke, at the bar several months before I met my friend, Liz. Luke was a bartender and I slowly became a regular. Before I met Liz, Luke and I were not particularly close but he did flirt with me quite a bit and we had a lot of interesting conversations. I assumed Luke was flirting simply as a part of his job, and not due to any genuine interest.
One day, Liz comes into the bar. We meet and develop a pretty good friendship over the course of several months, despite the age difference between us. I even end up spending the holiday season with Liz and her family.
The more I get to know Liz, the more I get to know Luke as well. A lot of our conversations become pretty sexually charged. We often talk about sleeping together, and it’s pretty clear to both of us that this is something that will happen, it’s just a matter of when.
One night. Luke is ending his shift. He asks me if I’d like to grab a drink at another bar. Usually Liz comes and picks him up from work since he doesn’t drive. Luke tells Liz that I will drop him off at home after we go to the bar. He asks Liz if it’s okay if he invites me to come over. She says she really doesn’t want any company tonight. So I invite Luke over to my apartment to hang out instead. We end up sleeping together and falling asleep.
I wake up the next morning to a couple of texts from Liz. She is freaking out asking me if I know what happened to Luke because he didn’t come home last night. I text her and profusely apologize. I tell her that we went back to my place. And that we’d fallen asleep before she had texted.
Liz is furious. She accuses me of taking advantage of Luke. She tells me that Luke is a very sick man (depression, alcoholism, previous drug addiction etc) and that I’m a terrible person for putting Luke in a position where he was forced to come home with me. She tells me that she’s lost all trust in me, that our friendship is over.
I show Luke the texts and he shrugs them off. He says Liz is just overprotective of him and she’ll get over it soon. He also warns me not to tell her that we slept together or else she’ll really go ballistic. He explains that Liz is a bit codependent on him and doesn’t like the idea of him sleeping with people, especially people she knows. This is not something I was aware of before we had sex.
A few weeks go by. I’ve tried apologizing a couple times but Liz won’t respond.
For the first time since the incident, after some goading by Luke, I come back to the bar. When I see Liz she gives me the cold shoulder and it’s clear she’s still upset.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 20,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
im5i6DCIcPTahIEvlrUmFrD17o4KfnNy
|
azz6g2
|
{
"description": "downloading a dating app",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
Wibta if i download a dating app?
|
So my girlfriend and I are 'on a break'. I'm not seeing her till Friday, this break was her choice and I am so done with begging. We got to this point because she hasn't given me any kind of attention in months, I feel like I just annoy her. We used to be so good though and if we can get back to that, I would be so happy.
How ever, I feel like I'm in limbo at the moment just waiting for her to decide if she wants me anymore and I am stressing out about it.
I kind just want to 'shop' online and see if anyone else would want me.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
kdevx1FrzuQoxwiMURkSuEqepcnzVhYE
|
atjx3t
|
{
"description": "being upset my girlfriend chooses to share things with others before me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being upset my girlfriend chooses to share things with others before me?
|
I (24M) have a girlfriend (21F). She's in college studying graphic design, and she recently got a job at the school's newspaper. She designed the front page layout and created illustrations. This was a big deal, (at least in my eyes). She wants to be a graphic designer, and this is directly related to that. I am proud of her for doing it, but I only found out about it through social media.
This is not the first time things like this have happened. I think it boils down to of it were me, I would be so excited to share this news with my significant other. My first action would not be to post it on social media to let everyone else know first.
So, AITA for wanting to be the first person my SO tells news to? Or is it her news and she can tell who she chooses?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
bboykPYRHe8SEQoleWHuiZaNI4QrRpMr
|
aamn8r
|
{
"description": "wanting to go home early",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to go home early.
|
I’m visiting my dad for Christmas and it’s great. First Christmas ever with him and it was nice, but I really want to go home now. It’s an open ended ticket so I can book whenever, but I feel guilty for wanting to ask to fly home for New Year’s Eve to spend with the family (SO and friends) I have built for myself where I have no family back home cause everyone moved.
Am I the asshole if I tell my dad I want to book my ticket now and fly home Monday?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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{
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to take the train part way home",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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}
|
AITA for wanting my boyfriend to take the train part way home?
|
My boyfriend and I have been together roughly nine years, and lived together for about half that time. We're both working adults who live in an area with few public transportation options and where you need to be able to drive to get just about anywhere.
​
My boyfriend does not drive or have a license. This has been an entirely different complicated issue. Basically he has a phobia of it, and he also can't afford to pay insurance on a car anyway. As it is, we have one car, which only I can drive.
​
When it comes to driving to different work locations over the years, we've had a lot of arguments. I've asked him to take the train when he can to where I can easily pick him up, but he doesn't like paying for the train.
​
He's told me before that he can pay me directly instead for the gas for driving him, but when we've talked about this 1) he only wants to pay an amount that wouldn't even begin to cover extra gas expenses for picking him up directly from work, and 2) even after we agreed to an amount, I can think of maybe one time he's ever paid me.
​
And my main issue with this isn't even the gas, it's the time. When I get off work, I want to go home and relax, or have time to go get dinner for the week or basically any other activities that go into running an apartment. Because he doesn't drive, I feel like he doesn't understand how much extra time it takes to get off the freeway during rush hour, then try to get back on the freeway during rush hour.
​
It blew up into a big argument last week. I will fully admit I was being a bit passive aggressive, we were sitting in traffic trying to get back on the freeway and I was visibly in a bad mood, he kept asking what was wrong and I kept saying nothing because I really didn't want to get into another argument about this. Finally I just told him and the argument started.
​
In that argument and in most arguments we've had about this, he basically says he thinks it's better to pay me directly than buy the train ticket (which, again, he's done maybe once, and the amount he wants to give is practically nothing), he doesn't want to be left sitting at the train station when it's dark (in the past when he would use the train station I was sometimes late picking him up, but this was when I worked a job that was completely in the opposite directly of the train station, meaning it would be difficult for me to gauge how long it would take to drive the extra way), and the biggest thing, which is how when his parents were our age they apparently did this commuting stuff and it wasn't a big deal.
​
The last part is was typically gets to me because I do feel guilty that I'm being a poor partner by being upset about this. I feel like I'm supposed to just be ok with doing this as a self sacrificial thing but I'm not, and I feel like I'm just selfish and immature. Due to fun childhood trauma it's hard for me to figure out the right balance of standing up for myself and being selfless to help others. I'm vigilant about not letting people walk over me as an adult, but I worry it just makes me go to the other extreme as a selfish prick.
​
This is why it's hard for me to bring this stuff up to him, because I feel like I shouldn't be feeling that way, and when I have brought it up he gets annoyed at me. I don't want to think my boyfriend's taking advantage of me, but then that part of me that's afraid of being taken advantage of fires up with things like this, then the other part of me that doesn't want to be an asshole fires up, and just the usual dumb shit that happens to a trauma brain.
​
For the argument we had last week, I mainly focused on his point of being left at the train station, and I just kept saying over and over again that I was sorry about that, the reason why was because it was out of my way so it was hard to figure out how much time I needed to get over there, but since the route to my current job and home passes right through the train station, I can literally just sit at the train station until his train gets there (since his train usually gets there a little after I would arrive). He still kept harping on it because he somehow expected me to drive past the train station all the way home after work, then leave home late to pick him up, which just spiraled into me arguing how that didn't make any sense...which it really didn't since the whole point of this was to save time and gas.
​
Eventually the argument finished with him saying he would start taking the train, almost acting like he would have done this anyway if I'd just asked him. Then the next day he said he would only take the train to the station on Mondays since I have a thing to get to right after work on that day. And at this point, again, didn't want another argument, so I just accepted this even though this was not something I wanted to compromise on in this way.
​
On the one hand, I feel like he's just refusing to be accommodating at all. On the other, I feel like I'm being too demanding. I know he has budgeting issues, but I also think I pay a hell of a lot more for gas than he would for the train. This feels like another part of all this bitterness I think I have over him telling me for years he was going to get his license and never actually doing it. I understand he doesn't want to have to pay for car insurance on top of everything else, but I keep telling him he should at least get a license in case I break my fucking legs. And at this point I'd be fine if he told me he never wanted to drive ever in his life, I just hate him constantly telling me that he's going to do something that he never does.
​
tl;dr: Boyfriend doesn't want to go to the train station from work so I can pick him up easier on the way home after my work, I really can't tell if I'm asking too much.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting to celebrate Valentine's day",
"pronormative_score": 0,
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}
|
AITA for not wanting to celebrate Valentine's Day?
|
Sorry it’s long, I needed a rant!
A long back story to start: My partner and I have been together for around 3 years. We are both girls and we met at my old job where we worked together. Our friend still works with my partner at my old company and is also female and is a lesbian too. My girlfriend will be called GF and friend will be called Kelly (not her real name).
I have known Kelly for more than 5 years. We have always got on and we have hung out a few times but mainly it’s because we both drank in the same pub and everyone would just talk to everyone else. Other than that, we would talk and have a laugh together at work.
In the first two years I knew her she has never given me anything on valentine’s day (relevant later). There has never been anything between us so it wouldn’t have even crossed my mind that I would receive anything for V day.
Fast forward to me meeting GF. We kept our relationship a secret due to working at the same place and I didn’t want to deal with questions. She began talking to Kelly because I talked to her a lot and they became friends too. The three of us would often sit and talk and laugh at lunch but Kelly didn’t know we were together. It soon became apparent that Kelly had feelings for my GF. Kelly is the type of person who falls in love with any girl that crosses her path and it was a running joke between us that she was in love with a different person each month. I was a little jealous but kept my mouth shut because as far as Kelly was aware my GF was single.
Queue my first valentine’s day with GF (2017), we both got to work, and Kelly gave us some heart shaped chocolates each. I thought it was strange because she’d never given me anything for V day before but it was chocolate so I shovelled then down quite happily and thought no more of it.
I went to tell Kelly numerous times that GF and I were a couple but kept losing my nerve until I blurted it out after copious amounts of alcohol a month or two after V day. I don’t think it would have been a problem telling her if she didn’t have feelings for GF.
Fast forward to V day 2018, I had a new job and therefore I don’t see Kelly a lot. We talk now and then but she got a new group of friends who think it’s cool to do coke every weekend and it’s not my thing so I barely see her. She now works in the same office as GF and they are still friends. I have no issue with them being friends, but Kelly gave my GF a rose and some chocolates for V day. I got a bit miffed because Kelly now knows we are in a relationship and this whole thing of her giving friends a gift for V day didn’t start until my GF was on the scene. She only gave GF a gift and no one else this year.
Fast forward to today. GF goes into work and Kelly gives her a card signed ‘love from your work wife’, 6 roses and some heart shaped chocolate. So now I’m pissed because I don’t think it’s appropriate. For me, Valentines day should be between my GF and I because we are in a relationship and the gifts from Kelly seem to be getting bigger.
My GF knows I’m mad because I told her that I think it’s gone too far. She now feels awkward about the gifts but she’s too nice to say anything to Kelly because she doesn’t like upsetting anyone.
Just to add, there is no way at all that anything is going on between them. I have complete faith in my gf that she sees Kelly as no more than a friend and I’m not worried that anything will ever happen.
I was due to pick up some flowers for my GF on the way home from work but now I can’t be bothered and I’m ready to put the card that I’ve got her in the bin because today doesn’t seem special to me anymore. I can’t be bothered with today. I know she likes V day but I had planned the card and flowers but I’m just giving her the same things that she has already been given (minus the chocolate).
I want to text Kelly and say that I don't think it's appropriate to give my GF gifts like that but I am turning to you guys to see if i'm i'm over reacting.
AITA for not wanting to give my GF anything and just wanting to skip over Valentines because of this? Or AITA for over reacting to the gifts?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "not trusting my wife",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not trusting my wife?
|
She suffers from depression and addiction to opioids. She was away in rehab for nine months and has now been sober for nearly a year and a half.... but I still fear that she’ll slip backwards. I try to support and help but I can’t be here all the time and when the kids are with her. I always worry. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aglnmh
|
{
"description": "hanging out with a close friend that's also an ex",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For hanging out with a close friend that’s also an ex
|
My gf just broke up with me because I was hanging out with my ex, who I consider a very good friend. We dated over a year ago, and the basis of our friendship was us saying that feelings for each other is a nono. So I’ve been hanging out with her randomly after school, etc, and my gf the first time said that it was ok for me to hang out with her. FF to yesterday, and I just got broken up with because I was having a shitty day, and I asked her to hang out with me, and I told my gf, and she got mad, and after an argument with two of her friends over text and talking to one of her friends in person, she broke up with me. So tell me, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
ah416o
|
{
"description": "taking a call/turning off the music in bfs car",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for taking a call/turning off the music in BFs car
|
I'm in the car with BF who has kindly offered to drop my at the metro and realize I have a missed call from a traveling friend. I say something like 'just a sec',turn off the music, and dial my friend. She let's me know she has arrived and is setting things up for my arrival later, asks about things I might want, and warns me about the weather at her location.
I answer her questions and thank her for reaching out--my BF turns the music back on while I'm on the phone. I hang up and ask him why he did that. He notes that it was turned down, and I let him know that I think that was rude. To be clear, every single time he or anyone else takes a call in my car, I turn off the music and turn it on once they are off the phone. This call lasted 5 mins and 4 seconds. We argue about whether his behavior was rude and he tells me he is "not an Uber." What? So I have to be paying you to expect the same courtesy I extend?
He notes that I should've waited to call my friend. And I decide this argument is stupid. Do I need to justify returning a friend's missed call?
He drops me off at the metro. We don't exchange goodbyes.
I text him. And things go nuts:
Me: You turning the music on made me feel like my conversation didn't deserve the same respect I have always given you. And the throw away at the end about me calling xxxx later didn't sit well. I called her back because I missed her call and had no clue what was up/could be wrong.
Him:
1/2 Just cuz someone called you, doesn't mean it's an emergency. That was rude--does she take precedence over me? Message received. We disagree--i believe tu2/2 rning your music down enough so the other person can hear the person they're talking to is good enough. You don't agree--I'm sorry.
Me: It doesn't mean it's an emergency but it could have been, I didn't know hence the quickly returned call No one says she takes precedence over you. She did not text. I had literally no clue why she called The best way to be sure was to call, which is exactly why I called
Him: Look, that's the only conclusion I can reach. Literally, you could have called her back in 10 mins. But it's ok. Safe flight and have fun.
This goes on back and forth for a while and ends with
Him: I'M MAD THAT YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE VOLUME OF MY MUSIC WHEN YOU DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO BE ON THE PHONE RIGHT THEN.
Was my expectation of silent car inappropriate? Am aita for calling my friend back while in the car?
Tldr: called friend back after missing a call. BF thinks I should've waited to call her back and shouldn't be upset that he turned his music on while I was talking.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
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|
{
"description": "not going to Grandma's birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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}
|
Aita for not going to Grandma’s birthday party?
|
Hey so I’m a college student and right now I’ve been a little busy with work. This Saturday is my grandmas birthday party and I have known about it but I’ve been busy with school work I sorta forgot about it. Anyways my mom said it’s ok if i can’t come, because my family will have to drive about 4 hours to get to my grandmas house and they would have to pick me up today because they have to get there early. Anyways I have a test online that I need to study for today and then I have a test on Monday that I’m not prepared for. I know my mom said it’s ok cause she knows I been busy, but I still feel somewhat sad and a little guilty not going for some reason. So should I just go anyways despite the school work or should I stay at college?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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|
ahdlgk
|
{
"description": "having sex with the best friend of the girl who was my crush",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For having sex with the best friend of the girl who was my crush?
|
I used to have a crush on one of my friends, she was blonde haired, blue eyed, southern British girl with a matching accent (I found it cute as hell). Lets call her G. I am a half asian half white dude (Also American), average height for an asian guy but Ive been told I look like Godfrey Gao and Keanu Reeves so I would like to think of myself of being quite good looking (Even if I have fairly low self esteem in actuality).
​
So I knew G for a while and found out she had broken up with her boyfriend, Wanted to comfort her because I knew how much she meant to him and I was sad to see both of my friends split apart. We start talking more and eventually get closer and I think to myself "I really like this girl". I told her how I felt and she acknowledged that and gave me a "maybe".
I should have just walked away and cut my losses there because I should have known my chances were through despite herself saying that I did have a chance. I eventually get to know her best friend, lets call her B. Shes just as attractive (with the same accent as well) but is far more forward and forthcoming with information, not as secretive as G as i'd come to know.
B tells me that G has liked me this entire time, but when I ask G she says she doesn't. Turns out she admits to leading me on.
Now keep in mind G has never had a real boyfriend up until this point (only online with one of my friends). When she was in school she was constantly bullied by boys and no one ever seemed to like her romantically.
G and I would eventually end up in a bunch of arguments about how she wants a boyfriend and someone to love her yet completely disregarded my feelings for her. I didn't even say "You should date me" it was along the lines of "I know you've been hurt by guys in the past and no longer have trust in men, but give this a shot and if it doesn't work out then no hard feelings okay?
B, her best friend was the one who wanted G and I to be together so I felt some kind of obligation to make it happen.
I left my offer on the table and left. I eventually gave up
I was gonna go back to my hometown in Pennsylvania and stop by New York City for the holidays. I found out that B was going to New York City as well.
We have a nice couple days in new york city and we really have grown closer (mirroring what happened with me and G I was afraid I was going down the same route) However it turns out G and B have completely different personalities and B has one thats far more like my own. Shes had plenty of relationships and made many mistakes in her past and admits that. Whereas G is far more inexperienced, no offense to her. Apparently once G went to uni she started having sex with every guy she saw in B's words which drove them to split as she didnt want to see her best friend make the same mistakes she did.
I somehow convince B to come to my hometown, we get dinner and a movie and we eventually have sex at my place. G eventually finds out and calls me an asshole.
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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as4nao
|
{
"description": "insisting my mom orders her own ubers",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for insisting my mom orders her own Ubers?
|
So my mom is bad with technology and isn't very open to learning new things. However I have no doubt that she's perfectly capable of ordering her own Ubers, even if she says she doesn't know how to use her smartphone she still uses it perfectly everyday for Facebook and more. The thing is that I feel bad cause she's had a rough couple of years (my dad passed away and she now lives alone after taking care of and older relative who also passed away recently)
It took a while for me to convince her tp use Uber instead of the crappy and dangerous taxis we have in Mexico City. I use to order her Ubers no problem.
The thing is that now she's starting to use them more and I really don't get why she insists on texting me to get her and Uber and pay it with her card (if she didn't have money I would understand but I'm not even paying for them) instead of doing it herself.
I feel really bad for telling her to consider downloading the app if she uses the service so much. But she says she wants me to know where she is. I tell her you can share your ride information whenever you get an Uber and she can do that. But she wants ME to do it for her.
I guess what I'm annoyed by is the stress of my mom depending on me to get out of the house, but I don't want her to think I don't want to do anything for her. It's just that I really think it would be more beneficial to her if I teach her how to order an Uber but she just doesn't want to.
Things are a little harder cause my sleep schedule is not very well aligned with hers, so I'm pretty sure she has woken me up and I've probably been kinda rude a couple times.
To get some context she asks me to get her an Uber about 2 times per week. And I also do whatever favor she asks me, like take care of her pets and house for the weekend a couple of times, or go print some documents (I don't own a printer) it's just with this particular thing I have a problem with. It's not so much that it represents any real bother but I want to know if you think I'm just a selfish asshole son, cause sometimes it feels like that.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
a8429y
|
{
"description": "judging others' grieving",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for judging others' grieving?
|
Lost a parent a couple of weeks ago, my elderly father. He went relatively peacefully after a long life. I miss him, and the grief comes and goes, but I'm functioning.
Anyway, a couple of acquaintances have pointedly not mentioned it to me at all, are acting frosty, and are making snide remarks about my lack of effusive emoting. Apparently I'm not acting bereaved enough. But I'm uptight about getting emotional in front of other people anyway.
I find this situation is trying my patience. My view is that both of these people have a track record of playing the martyr card, long before this. This is just extra aggravation. I don't think it's a competition to see who has the worst luck. Or who is having the most difficult holiday season. Or who is the most depressed, bereaved, etc.
Are they judging me too harshly or vice versa?
Should I just take comfort in the fact that I am an ice cold a\*\*hole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b19c3k
|
{
"description": "calling out my sister on caring more about her new dog",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out my sister on caring more about her new dog?
|
Alright folks this one is sort of hard to explain and kind of a doozy,
I'll start with a little background that me and my sister are both mid 20's and have never gotten along our entire lives, we're just two fundamentally different people with different values.
​
We have 2 family dogs 1 is mine 1 is hers, I don't want to keep spelling their names out so my dog is P my sisters dog is K and my sister will be DS.
​
DS trains service dogs in college and has now graduated and is training another dog that she wants to keep because the dog has a heart murmur and is now unsuitable to be matched with a person with a disability. She has been training this dog for just under 2 years and now wants to keep the dog
Keeping the dog requires vet bills to check on her heart and an adoption fee that's thousands of dollars, because up until this point the company has paid for all of her things. The problem I have with this is I take care of both our dogs now because she moved to another state with the new dog she was training in college.
I paid for my dog P to get her teeth pulled out of my own pocket that was about two thousand dollars and originally DS was supposed to pay for K to get her teeth done.
She didn't want to because she's "broke" and won't touch her ten thousand she has in savings, so I offered to split the cost instead because K really needs her teeth out she's old but still has a good 5 years or so left. DS denied that too.
So when I found out she'd drop all this money on a new dog that she's had for two years and not the dog we got when we were in middle school pissed me off. So i texted her and I said "Thanks for reminding me how selfish you are"
we didn't speak for six months after the incident where she told me she wouldn't help me pay for K's vet bills but recently started talking again, and the this happened and I called her out.
meanwhile I've been saving as much as I can with all my bills to try and get K her dental surgery and found a place where it's a little cheaper.
DS called our mother on me and now I'm being yelled at by my parents that I need to leave her alone, All I want is for her to understand how she's acting.
I'd do anything for my dogs and the fact she won't do the same makes me angry and disgusted that someone like her is my sister.
I don't think I did anything wrong by calling her out on her behavior and saying she cares more about the new dog than her childhood dog
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
{
"description": "intentionally cockblocking my friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for intentionally cockblocking my friend?
|
I currently live with 3 housemates, one who shares a room with me and two who share another room. My roommate is in a long distance relationship with her bf who she sees at least once a month. She usually travels to see him more often than the other way around.
Last week, she told me that he would be visiting for about a week. On the first night that he arrived, she asked if I could sleep in the other bedroom so she could have some alone time with her bf, since our other housemate was out of town and her bed would be free. I kindly obliged and slept in the other bedroom since I thought it would be nice for them to have some alone time and it was the first time she’d ever asked me to do this, even though her bf has visited before.
They left on a short road trip for the following couple of days. On they day they returned, my roommate asked if I could be out of the house/room and not return again until she asked when they arrived, so they could again have some alone time. I was fine with it since I had errands to run and would be out anyway.
Later that night, she abruptly asks me to sleep in the other bedroom again since he’d be leaving the morning and they wanted to spend the last night alone. At this point, I’d had the final straw. I said they could have alone time for the next few hours because I could just study in the living room, but I still wanted to sleep in my own bed. She started getting angry and saying that it would make her too uncomfortable to have sex because I’d still be within earshot in the living room. I told her I’d be willing to blast earbud music on full volume if I had to. At this point she starts getting extremely angry and accusing me of being an inconsiderate asshole. She says it’s unfair that since she’s often out of town on weekends I get to have way more private time with my bf, which is true.
Feeling like this argument was going nowhere and it’d be awkward to sleep in the same room with her and her bf after this ordeal, I slept in the other room that night anyway.
I’m still pissed off. In her eyes I’m the asshole for not giving her any alone time when her bf visited. I agree it’s difficult to feel like you have privacy when your roommate is sleeping 3 feet away from you, but in my mind I gave her plenty of chances to be alone, PLUS they went on a solo road trip in the middle. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "asking my cousin to pay back the $1,000 she owes me although she has a kid with cerebral palsy",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my cousin to pay back the $1,000 she owes me although she has a kid with cerebral palsy?
|
My cousin is married, has 2 kids, the youngest has cerebral palsy and requires constant care. Her husband was unemployed for over 8 months. The job he finally found pays a little over minimum wage. My cousin also lost her job in January so they had to give up the apartment they were living and move back to her parents house with the kids (her husband moved with his mom since the house is not big enough).
My cousin found a job 1 month later so she’s working now. At least both she and her husband are now working.
Her youngest child requires constant physical therapy and special attention as he is non-verbal and is in a special wheelchair. He’s also had multiple surgeries due to hip misalignments. It’s likely he’ll need more.
My cousin is also deep in credit card debt that she refuses to pay. I believe most of this debt went into paying medical expenses for her youngest child but she basically lives on the edge engaging into risky agreements with loan sharks to cover loan after loan.
She does have a loving family. Her father somewhat supports her financially (pays for her grad studies, buys food, pays for family vacations). He would eventually pay for his grandson’s medical expenses, I think.
Last year I was doing really well. Had a good job, travelled much. Paid off my debts. I tried to help my cousin. Fixed her resume, contacted her with a few people, and loaned her $1,000.
Unfortunately I lost my job due to restructuring in my company. My insurance is gone and I have to take expensive meds permanently for a medical condition. It’s been 5 months and I haven’t found another job yet. My current expenses (rent, medical bills, fuel, food, etc) are piling up too. She’s never brought it up, paying me back, not even as a courtesy. Neither did I as it wasn’t my initial intention. Most recently, I’ve seen pictures of her and her family in fancy restaurants and nice hotels and when I’ve casually asked her she says her father is paying for everything. Should I ask her to pay me back? Please, am I the asshole??
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "writing up a friend at work",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for writing up a friend at work?
|
Background:
I have a work friend, “Jesse”. We don’t hang out other than work functions and work. I like her as a person and focus on her good side. Her office mate, “Mindy” is an insincere bitch, happy to your face talk behind your back type. We get along OK but I don’t like her that much. Then there’s “Ken”, young and nice, I joke that I want to fix him up with my nephew, but he has “flavors of the week” so no go. Joking around together all of the time with all of us until the last couple of months.
We used to all laugh together. Lately, our family-like work group has split in two; the clicky “Bermuda Triangle” and the rest of us (5). We all blame Mindy because she has been the same all over no matter what department. She brings down the impressionable Jesse and Ken to her level.
Oh, and they are trying to get another coworker fired. He is their supervisor, space cadet, but works hard. They are in their smart phones half the day and complain about how busy they are. They leave 7 minutes early (the cutoff time) every single day. They set the space cadet up for mistakes. They ask him to do their work because they are “too busy” and then complain and blame him when they do things they told him to do.
HERE IS WHERE I FUCKED UP.
Jesse made a huge mistake. I don’t write people up because it’s not my style. I cannot even remember the last time I did because it has been YEARS. Since Jesse and Mindy are trying to get space cadet fired and setting him up I wanted to even the score.
Well, Jesse found out it was me and confronted me. I apologized to her and said I was pissed, it was impulsive, I’ve been under a lot of stress lately and have been losing sleep. (All true). This incident happened and it was a major scheduling fuck up, and the family was very angry. Jesse said I should have given her the chance to explain (well HA- the Bermuda Triangle all 3 called out sick that day during the busiest clinic of the week.) I said I know your angry, I know it will be a while before you can forgive me. She said “I’m not angry, I’m disappointed, you don’t have to ask for forgiveness let’s move on and yada yada blah blah blah.
What pisses me off is that I know she is angry, the Bermuda Triangle practically UNfriended me on FB (but did the next level down (took a break which is almost like blocking). ALL of them. It’s none of the other two’s business this is between Jesse and I. And I’m thinking, don’t ducking tell me you are not mad and then completely ignore me at work (like saying “goodbye Space Cadet have a good weekend” but saying nothing to me when I was next to him.
I don’t know why I’m hurt. I know I was wrong in some ways. My husband told me “if she is the type that will throw Space Cadet under the bus maybe she is not the type of person you want to be friends with.
But I always see the good in people and downplay the bad. I don’t care about Mindy, she is a bitch. I’m a little sad about Ken, but really hurt about Jessy.
I’m not sure what to do. I’ll maybe post in AITA too.
TL;DR: I wrote up a friend with shady work ethic. She found out and is being a bitch to me even though she said she accepts my apology.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a8knmn
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{
"description": "driving past some kids telling me to stop",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for driving past some kids telling me to stop?
|
I had a weird interaction earlier and I don't know what I was supposed to do. I stopped by the mall on the way home last night, and as I was exiting down a street from the parking ramp to the main road, I approached three teenagers walking in the street. At first they appeared to be crossing, so I slowed but continued forward. They were not in a crossing zone, but I live in a city where jaywalking is common so it's routine for people to walk around your car as you pass by.
But then they turned slightly to walk down the middle of the street toward me. As they approached, one put his hand out indicating that I should stop. My sense in the moment was that they were not hurt or in danger. They were walking slowly and I feel like I saw them chatting and smiling. The one who waved me down definitely seemed relaxed, as if he was a parking attendant (he was not a parking attendant). I could be wrong about that; I'm just describing what went through my mind over the 10 seconds that this unfolded.
As I mentioned I live in a city, and people are always soliciting you for things. A couple weeks ago I had somebody approach my car at a stoplight and ask for a ride. People ask for money and then bitch you out if you don't give them anything. You just have to tune people out sometimes; if you're not a cop I don't trust your hand signals over my own eyes. So this situation felt a little off, like these teens were going to hassle me about some nonsense. I have lived and worked in my downtown area for several years so tuning out panhandler is instinct at this point.
Two of them were on my left side, and one was on my right, with about 15 feet of space between them. There were no other obstacles on the road in front of me. So instinct kicked in: I slowed down a little more and then just coasted right between them. This was not strictly-speaking safe, but I had room and all four of us were moving slowly. As the lead kid (who was motioning me to stop) realized I wasn't stopping, he slapped my side window and yelled "STOP!" That was the only thing anyone said in this whole incident as far as I know.
Now I was rattled by the way the kid had pounded on my car, so I really just wanted to be away from whatever this was meant to be. I wasn't watching them them closely in the mirror, but they didn't chase after me and I didn't see any indication that anyone was hurt. I left and that was that.
I'm sure I could have handled that better. But what could they want from me? I can't think of any way that I, as a random driver in a moving car, could be of more help than the mall employees on the other side of the nearest door. There was no apparent safety reason to start an impromptu roadblock in that spot. Maybe they just needed jumper cables or something, but then why shout at me? Still, I wonder if I wrote them off as panhandlers too early. In the interest of full disclosure, I'm a white guy and these were three black boys probably age 15-17. I don't think that race was a significant factor, but that's what everybody says isn't it?
What do you think I should have done?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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IjfK2PofC5QzeCb2v9GaCOeaAhVKPWUn
|
auiia4
|
{
"description": "telling him I'm not ready for commitment",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling him I’m not ready for commitment
|
So I’m someone who isn’t the biggest fan of clingy behaviours and will get sick of a person quite sick if I see them every single day for extended period of time
Now onto the issue
So I was unofficially seeing this dude (let’s call him Bert) for a little while. He’s a lovely guy and we naturally got along quite well. He had told me at the start that he was looking for something serious and at the time, I thought I was too.
Fast forward about a month in and things have moved incredibly fast. He wanted to be around me 24/7. Now I know this isn’t necessarily a bad thing but I needed my space and time to be alone with my friends.
About a week ago, my friends and I went to a movie night at the bar on campus but ended up getting bored and heading to maccas for a cheeky $1 sundae
We told the rest of our group where we were and a few people were in the area so they showed up as well. Bert ends up driving 15 minutes to come hang out. I felt bad because I had to leave about 30 minutes after he arrived (because I still have a curfew) but we didn’t talk when he was there
I felt terrible because he came all the way and I hardly even spoke to him but I felt so overwhelmed with how our relationship was going.
When I ended up leaving, I sent him a message and he seemed pretty disappointed at the events of the night. I explained my situation to him, I’m confused, I don’t know what I want right now and I’m not ready for a relationship (he had been nudging at making it official for a while (reminder we haven’t even know each other for a month at this point)
The truth is, I’m not 100% over my ex boyfriend yet and I felt it wouldn’t be fair( to either party) to get into something serious with someone if I wasn’t completely emotionally invested in them, plus the clingyness was too much. He was everywhere that I was, the only times I wouldn’t see him was if I was in a lecture or in class. Plus, the idea of just being in a relationship (with him especially) just gave me an uncomfortable feeling and I guess that was a sign.
I didn’t tell him about my ex but I told him that I just wasn’t ready and that it would be best to be just friends right now because I just started uni, I wanna focus on school and just have fun. He said it was fine and that he’d be happy to stay friends
But no no no,
He told all his boys how I lead him on and played with his feeling, even bad mouthing me to my friends (who stood up for me) and trying to get them to pick a side
At his point, I’mover it and honestly don’t even want to really see him because he’s making me out to be a terrible person and over dramatising the situation.
AITA for wanting to cut him off completely? Did I handle this wrong?
TL;DR
Was seeing a dude, he got very clingy so I told him I’m not ready for a relationship and then he started bad mouthing me
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b5yapm
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{
"description": "reporting a group of women for violating quiet hours",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I reported a group of women for violating quiet hours?
|
So I’m a university student who lives in dorms and my room is right next to the lounge (unfortunately). Anyways there’s this group of five women who all come together at around 10:30ish and stay there until 1-2 am (quiet hours start at 11). They’re extremely loud and obnoxious and I’ve had to have asked them to quiet down at least 10 different times but they continue to be loud and obnoxious every night, it’s gotten to the point that if I end up going to bed at 10:00 pm I’ll be woken up by them at midnight. I’m so sick of it and I’m planning on reporting them to the RA but...WIBTA for doing so?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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ax85au
|
{
"description": "being mad when my gf is being thrown out of a party",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad when my gf is being thrown out of a party?
|
Hello together, this is my first post here. Im curious what you think about this situation and I hope I can keep myself short but you'll need some background to fully understand my point.
I'm also sorry for my beginner english.
Two years ago I planned with a group of close friends to make a trip together. We were about 8 people and everyone agreed months before. We've been seeing us regularly but never talked about the vacation again. One of them once asked in a chat where to go on vacation, but only about 4 people responded as most didn't already want to think about vacation.
So they just booked vacation and left 3 people out, which were then without plans for the summer. Me too and I was very pissed. But this whole thing calmed down after a few weeks as they really had forgotten us / didn't leave us out by intention.
A few months ago we we're planning to make a party at new-years eve. I had already agreed to make something with my gf before and told my friends that I would only come if my gf was allowed to join too. They told us that this wouldn't be a problem so we went on with this plan.
And then, two day before of the event they told me my girlfriend wasn't allowed to come. Another friend of us, wo didn't show up for about a year because he was to busy gaming, wanted to join them too a week before new years eve. Some of them got pissed and claimed they would stay at home because too many people joined (it was a stay for some nights and it wansn't a really big house). Then they then made an internal 'voting' for what to do. They voted out my girlfriend and the other guy in.
They told me I was still allowed to join and my wonderful gf also told me that it would be ok for her if I joined but that was absolutely no option for me.
I was so dissapointed on them, also because they showed me before how they can be, and also got a bit vulgar because they tried to make me look like an asshole. They claimed that I had to be thankfull for all the parties I was allowed to attend (This would'nt have been our first trip over new year). Finally they also got mad because of my reaction.
I broke contact with them for several months now and am not sure anymore if I overreacted. I somehow want my friends to think the way I do and in this case they clearly didn't. But still, that way I lost my closest group of friends.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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iyzKBFr4s8dJOCKJQMBOqtPmLeQa8k8l
|
auwky8
|
{
"description": "getting Upset about Movie / Date Night Issues",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For Getting Upset About Movie / Date Night Issues?
|
Throwaway account for obvious reasons, and a heads up that the situation is a little weird.
Long story short, I’m living with two women I’ve known my whole life, they’re married, and I’m dating both of them. Everyone knows, there’s no secrets, no cheating, none of that.
But before we became a triangle, they would basically have weekly date nights where they’d go to the movies. They’d see literally everything. I see less movies these days, mostly because I feel like I’m turning into a bit of a snob, or maybe I’m just less willing to put my money into movies I just know I’m not into.
The exception is animated movies. I see basically all of them, and even if I know they’re bad (less than 30 on Rotten Tomatoes bad), I might see it if I’m bored and they aren’t interested.
How to Train Your Dragon just came out, and I’ve been on a new work schedule for a few months now. I work seven days, 12 hour shifts, then I’m off seven days. Naturally it makes seeing movies that come out on the week I work difficult, so there’s a bit of a wait on some of them. I told them they could see HOTYD without me, then a few hours later after really giving it some thought, I said I’d rather they wait. It’d only be a 4-5 day wait, but they went and saw it.
Of course we can always see it again since they liked it enough that they’d be willing to, but for whatever reason I’ve always preferred to see movies I know I want to see with them for the first time for all of us. It’s caused issues in the past, and they know I’m upset about it now, and one of them told me ‘You always get angry about this kind of thing, and we feel like we’re not allowed to see a movie without your permission.’
I know I’m at least partially the asshole, at least because I attempted to rescind the permission to see the movie but if they know it bothers me because this has happened before shouldn’t they be able to see that maybe if they’re doing something that upsets me that maybe they should stop doing it? I’m not trying to control the movies they see, but for the movies all of us want to see that they know are a must see for me, is it too much of me to ask them to wait a few days?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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ah01yi
|
{
"description": "refusing to give preferential treatment to a \"famous\" rap group at our after hours diner? Boss is furious with me",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for refusing to give preferential treatment to a "famous" rap group at our after hours diner? Boss is furious with me.
|
So bear with me in this one, I don't feel like the asshole but who knows, boss my have a legitimate complaint.
I work at a 24 hour diner but since we are right down the street from our University town's party district, by far the most lucrative hours are between about midnight and 7 am with a real peak between 2 and 4 AM. Students and club goers have eaten at our restaurant for 60 years and up until recently it was owned by the same family. I worked for both the old family and the new owner and things have changed dramatically. Old family's basic rule was every single customer gets treated equally. For example we get a 30 minute wait list every Thursday, Friday and Saturday and old owners were somewhat famous for making a presidential candidate who was wanting to dine with our teams football coach wait over an hour for his table.
New owner is a little bit more social media savvy and he'll let our city's famous instagramers, members of the football and basketball team, his friends, etc... but he's never formally revoked the "everyone gets treated equally rule" because most of our customers love it.
So Saturday night I was working the host section and working as manager, at about 1am we had a 45 minute wait list and kitchen, busing and wait staff were all busting our asses to get people in and out. All of the sudden an entire entourage was standing in the front of the line just acting like entire self entitled douche bags. It created a minor stir in the restaurant as I guess these guys are famous enough to get noticed but it wasn't anything like an A lister like Drake or Cardi B popped in. The manager of this group came up to me and said they'd like to be sat. I told them we had a wait list and its the policy that there's no special treatment. The manager pulled the "do you know who we are and what we can do for you" line and I told him he could see by the people that were in line out into the parking lot in January that we really didn't need any help and I'd be happy to put their name on the list. Then the "star" of the group came up to talk to me and he was just a total obnoxious piece of shit telling me that he would put me on Instagram "in a bad way dooooodde….."
and that he and his crew were hungry. I told him I'd take his name and call him when his spot came up. He basically said as loud as he could "fuck this shit we're going to Denny's" and then left without causing any more trouble. I had to ask another person who he actually was to find his Instagram to see if he blasted us but so far nothing.
So I got off shift at 8am the next morning and by 10 my boss was blowing up my phone asking me how I'd made such a horrendous mistake and basically furious because I'd "blown" so much free publicity by not letting this group get preferential treatment at HIS restaurant. I told him about the policy and he told me (and I quote) "that policy was fucking stupid and you're fucking stupid if you think we're still enforcing it, using your fucking brain."
I calmly asked if he'd put it in writing because those of us who'd been around for a few years were very used to the old way and he told me (paraphrasing) "it would be a public relations night mare to OFFICIALLY change something like that so he relied on his managers to not be fucking idiots every once in a while."
He didn't fire me which is good because I really need the job but I'm fucking pissed that he talked to me like that. But worried I could have just been a little more flexible and avoided the whole situation.
basically AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
N7MmONqUHlu7VW7o8xoHlIxoZuE2WeFI
|
axyw8e
|
{
"description": "wanting my friends to care about my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my friends to care about my birthday?
|
I have literally never made a post on this site in my life so I'm sorry if I don't do it right.
I have a small group of online friends that I've known for four years at most and six months at least (we all met at different times). We are pretty close, have almost all met in real life, and speak to each other on discord most nights of the week. Four of us were born very close together, so for a period of time we have one birthday a week, with mine being the last. Something big has happened for each birthday so far: everyone has either sent gifts or has a gift on the way to their home, since the first birthday last week, the one that happened this week, and the one that's happening next week. The only one that isn't getting anything is me. I know this because no one's asked for my address or mentioned that they have anything on the way, as they have done with the others. Usually I don't care if anything happens for my birthday or not, and don't expect anything, but I'm a little hurt that I'm the only one that will be left out of this, especially since I've sent gifts to my friends with birthdays before mine. I've dropped hints by mentioning that my birthday is coming up as well, and everything I say has been ignored so far. Am I being greedy and entitled by expecting my birthday to be treated the same way as everyone else's? If I bring this up to my group of friends, will I be shunned forever for my avarice? Will the shunning be righteous? Please let me know, I don't want to be rude or unkind or hurt anyone's feelings!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
CKiJRAvKovo13BzMH3SKsP4IvzCmTEBq
|
a74tyf
|
{
"description": "not wanting to move for my husbands job",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to move for my husbands job?
|
First post ever, which is really kind of nerve racking! Long time lurker though.
Background: Husband and I moved to a rural island in Alaska roughly over a year ago. The move was prompted by him being unhappy with his current job in the "big city" and always wanting to live in Alaska. I was not entirely on board with the idea initially due to us having small children, the cost of living in Alaska, the opportunity for the kids and the fact that I had just started my career. It had been agreed upon that we would stay in the big city and allow me to get experience before making any major life changes. That didn't happen. We moved to this island for my husband. I tried to warn him of the downsides of living on a small island but it felt like they were disregarded with ease. Now he is feeling the effects and wants to escape. It is beautiful here but small.
Situation: Now a year and three months later my husband wants to move yet again for another job opportunity. He did not tell me he had applied, I only found out after he had scheduled an interview. Fast forward he was offered the job. Now the AITA part comes into play. The place he was offered a job has many more opportunities for the children and is on the road system which is a huge plus. It also comes with a huge pay increase. However I don't want to move. I am finally getting established in my career, I am making friends, we have a good community for the children. I feel that my husband is always looking for the greener grass at whatever the cost. I didn't want to move here initially but I sure as hell don't want to move after a year of being here. Not to mention we bought a house when we moved here, huge investment that we would lose on...oh yeah and we were buying a house down in the big city when he decided he wanted to move up. We had to walk away from that as well, money lost. We are doing fine finically which furthers my want to dig my heels in on this. I told him I would not move yet again for his need to find happiness in a job. My children are established, we both already have good jobs and a nice house.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Uzt7y1u32WJLVBb6ue62nGdGXcVcJW3A
|
aw1rjj
|
{
"description": "asking a girl to not request my dorm room next year",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I asked a girl to not request my dorm room next year?
|
My dorm building is kind of old, and the rooms aren’t all the same size. Mine and my roommate’s room is bigger than average; we’re on the end of the building so it’s long and the ceiling is slanted so it can’t be tripled. It’s maybe 25% bigger than the other rooms in the building. There’s only 4 rooms of this size in the building that aren’t tripled (about 40-50 rooms total) so my roommate and I definitely got lucky. It also has a more private bathroom (one stall between 5 people instead of 2 stalls between 10-12).
We got assigned our rooms randomly. This girl ended up with one of the smaller rooms, which sucks, but it’s still bigger than your average dorm room. None of the rooms in our building are bad, hard stop.
She’s been in my room before to ask my roommate questions about a class they were taking together, and she always comments on the size and how jealous she is (her words). She complains fairly often about how small her room is and how she wishes she had more space.
I know this girl from high school because we had mutual friends. We’re also in the same program together and have done group projects together so I know her fairly well. We don’t hang out outside of class so we’re not really friends, but definitely friendly.
Today one of my friends told me that this girl had told her she was going to try and request my room for next year. When my friend told her that my roommate and I were going to request our room again, the girl said “oh, maybe I won’t.” I know her though, and I know she would do it anyways even though she said she wouldn’t.
Would I be the asshole if confronted her about it? I was really taken aback when my friend told me the girl was going to try and request my room. It felt like a really shitty thing to do.
I know it’s not “my” room, because the school owns it and I was really lucky to get it in the first place, etc. etc. but I couldn’t help feeling a little betrayed. I was thinking about it and I would be genuinely mad if she got the room next year. Which isn’t exactly a fair reaction, bc again, the room isn’t technically mine, but I can’t help but feel some ownership over it since I’ve been living in it for over half a year. I understand why she wants the extra space, but this is mine and my roommate’s room, and she knows we really like it.
If I did talk to her about it I would suggest she request the room across from mine and my roommates bc it’s the same size and I know the girls who live there are moving out next year.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
zJTzmXTuXSei9Ka2AhZF4KMfKlfxsvED
|
arupqv
|
{
"description": "almost hitting my friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for almost hitting my friends?
|
I had some buddies back in elementary. It was the end of the day. I was talking with my friend, when another girl came in. I don’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but eventually she started punching my arm. Hard. After a bit of that, I let my bottled anger out. I’m a naturally a shy kid. I knew what being an introvert was, but I didn’t think I was one at the time. I hit my breaking point and I grabbed her backpack. I threatened to dump it all out, and she started hitting me again. Another kid comes along and keeps bumping into me. It was intentional. I then did one of those “push the dude with your body while your walking into him” things. Another girl comes along, I don’t remember what she did, but I remember also getting angry at her. Back then. I didn’t get angry very easily, and when I did I let it go. I actually held a grudge against these three for like a week. We’re still friends. I just let my anger out then.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
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}
|
INFO
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1ZWye6uNouP8PWwXY3KRRyI03n2D0VRo
|
afbjn5
|
{
"description": "expecting a little help",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting a little help?
|
Using a throwaway for obvious reasons. I have been married for years, have 3 children, one is a teenager, the other 2 are 4 and under. My husband works, I stay at home. Am I being unrealistic in expecting a little help? I cook, clean, do all shopping, and childcare. I'm up with them every day, and I put them to bed every night. I love my kids, please dont tell me I shouldnt have had them. They are my world. My husband will on occasion bathe the younger two (maybe once a month?) He works a crazy schedule which requires him to work 12 hr shifts sometimes during the day, sometimes overnight. Regardless of work or not, I get up with the kids every day. On his days off, he gets up leisurely, takes a shower, and joins us after. I spend a part of my day cleaning up behind him. He leaves his clothes everywhere (living room, all over the bathroom, our bedroom floor). He spends the day generally in the same room with us, but often on the phone either playing games or whatnot, unless football is on. I should be going to bed when the kids do, because I know I have to get up with them. But sometimes it's hard to just immediately fall asleep and I'm up until 11 or so (Kids are up by 6-7) .
He doesn't like night shift, and has made it obvious he'd like to be off that shift. I tried to approach him today about either setting up a plan with his bosses or helping him look for a new job. He has a bachelor's, I only have an associate's. His response was if I need a break, I need to get a job and put the kids in daycare. I just don't see that as a fix. Finally he agreed he would just do the laundry, so I didn't have to. But it feels more like a tantrum than anything. He says anyone would die to be in my position.
Let me say this, I love my husband. Hes a good dad. I know he loves his kids.
I'm happy to give more answers, I honestly just want to know....is this right? Am I supposed to live day in and day out without a break, because he pays the bills? AITA for even bringing it up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
pGxNU7heVFhh0IDZM8lb1mfgAFUP4RZJ
|
an1jfa
|
{
"description": "wanting to borrow my brothers motorbike",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to borrow my brothers motorbike?
|
Here's the facts:
My brother goes to school on "his" motorbike (parents bought it) every weekday at 7:30 and comes back around 17:00, whilst I'm on holiday from work so I don't need to get up.
He leaves the motorbike at school all day, but I want to borrow it to get around the city.
He says he needs it to get back from school quickly because he has mock exams instead of calling me to come get him (FYI the school is 10 minutes away). He says I should wake up an hour earlier to get my dad's bike from the school instead.
My solution was to interchange. One day I get up early with my dad and the next I go with my brother and get his bike. That way we both suffer and don't suffer equally.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
78jSOlDcliCAmkWZ68Gsb6QwaF5OFI2h
|
ax7syz
|
{
"description": "wanting to separate myself from my mother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: For wanting to separate myself from my mother
|
Alright, so I am 16, just to get that out of the way.
​
So basically a bit of backstory here. My mother never bothers talking to me, she only even talks to me when its time to get a punishment, or when she's asking me to do something for her. Its obvious that she does not know about any of my interest, and its obvious that she isn't interested in knowing them either. She speaks to everyone else in the family, my other 4 siblings included. She always use to threaten to put me in a group home because I "was bad". She does not bother to teach me anything about the real world, and I feel she thinks that I am nothing special. I will admit, I use technology a lot, including discord scamming (which it isn't even scamming, they just thought I was scamming), and playing video games a lot, but I dont let it cloud my entire life.
​
She goes to work a lot, and I think she feels that thats enough to being a parent. My father goes to work as well, yet he makes the attempt to teach me things about life. Whenever he tries to bring her into a conversation, she always finds a reason to go away. I am currently on punishment, in my room, having nothing to look forward to in life, just sitting here bored, just trying to get as much time to pass as possible, so I can go to school, and come back home to do nothing. I dont even have as little as a book to read.
​
So I am wondering, since my mother is supplying things for me, am I being ungrateful, since giving me the bare necessities is more than enough?
​
Heres another question. Should I just go to the group home and stay away since I am obviously holding everyone in my family back by being the bad one? I live in a pretty ghetto and dangerous city if that has anything to do with it.
​
People always say that the life of an adult is always hard and hell. So I am wondering, should I just skip to death and just get it over with?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
JoUWUUk7n3KFYAyaKPduJqOdtyxxVEhM
|
ajh512
|
{
"description": "cutting ties with a friend because he makes me a bit depressed",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting ties with a friend because he makes me a bit depressed?
|
sorry if there is anything wrong with this post, it’s my first.
So 2 years ago i met this dude through a mutual friend. Let’s call this dude J. J was a bit of a social outcast before he met my friend, who we’ll call D. J was lanky, puppy dog eyes and slender face, a bit annoying. The next year J started making really offensive and downright racist jokes. He stank to high heaven too. D still kinda liked him. Eventually i could not bear him, and talked to D about cutting ties with him because i couldn’t stand him, but D still liked him and didn’t want to stir up drama. I took the advice of my Dad and had to grin and bear it. D was my only friend, and she was basically life support for my mental health, so i started avoiding J. D was always with J though, so basically i barely see her. This sucked. One day, i had an anxiety attack. I braced myself up against the wall, trying to ride it out. D caught on about my hatred of J, and helped me through the attack. I opened up to her about my grievances. She looked like she understood. Later through Discord, discussed that J was gay and had a crush on me. I’m not homophobic, nor gay, nor interested in a relationship. So i confronted him about it explaining that i was not gay. J overreacted, and threatened suicide. My thinking is that, because D helped me with anxiety and i opened up to her about past suicide thoughts. J put a pair of scissors on his wrist and threatened self-harm, but never went through with it. D had an argument with him, and he put a chair on his head and threatened to crush it. I developed depression from this ordeal.
Tl;dr: this dude gave me an anxiety attack and depression and i want to know if i’m in the wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
9G1PbEhtKQlGzevejetdJJwCAsscO8f7
|
a8cstw
|
{
"description": "refusing to write backround music for someone's condom video",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I refused to write backround music for someone's condom video?
|
I'm a freelance composer that just got an email from someone that asked me if I would write music for their 'condom video".
I am a religious person that believes that using condoms is immoral and puts God out of the equation during sex. Thus I don't really want any part in this.
The guy says that he's been looking for people that were willing to do this for awhile and haven't found any. Part of me feels that I'd be an asshole for not writing music for this dude, but the other part of me feels that I wouldn't be an asshole because I don't want to support something I believe is immoral, and that's ok.
I don't know. I have to respond tomorrow and I am going to say no, but would I be the asshole for not writing music for this guy that's been looking forever for a songwriter? Tell me you're thoughts.
Thanks to all.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7AJlI7vdXpZ85gGFpel7Pc0JIdvkkPGc
|
9t6hp5
|
{
"description": "not caring alot about 9/11, or school shootings",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA, for not caring alot about 9/11, or school shootings?
|
Alright guys, a few things before I start this, No I dont hate kids, No, I'm not a terrorist, and I'm on mobile so sorry about the format.
So recently I was browsing the web and saw about the Pittsburgh Shooting, I know well, this is whats wrong with the U.S or something, but it doesnt really matter to me, yes people died, but I didn't know them at all, live in the area it anything.
The same goes for 9/11, no members of my family were involved in it, why should I care about it if it really didn't affect meat all? I get that yes, it was in my country and many people died, and people still struggle from recovery from such situations. Still it doesn't really affect me, so I dont see why I should be caring about it.
Sorry if this makes me seem like a total jerk, "but op it hasn't happened to you, maybe thats why I dont care, maybe its something else, that's all I got to say.
tl;Dr Am I a Asshole for not caring about 9/11 or other tragic events?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
tPvvkJJrckW0adVwNN9ELrB5HmdYcfxH
|
a4d9ep
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend after bonding with her 6 year old son",
"pronormative_score": 44,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend after bonding with her 6 year old son?
|
I started dating a girl years after my marriage ended. It lasted a year. I got close to her son. It's been a year and then one weekend when she's drinking at a friend's barbecue she starts berating me about my choice in my previous marriage. Mainly the fact my wife was white. Her friend had to stop her.
One week later we go to a friend's after a night at karaoke with their crowd. I was the designated driver, she was drunk. Starts saying shit about us and arguing with me in front of them. They're quiet and end up telling us to stop fighting, even though every sentence out of my mouth was trying to diffuse the situation.
Fast forward to three days later, Halloween night. We go out. I'm the designated driver. She's drunk. Starts arguing. I try to remove myself from the situation. She Spartan kicks me in the chest, hard. I gasp, try to leave, she's dragging me back in and I'm shocked I just got hit. She tried coaxing me into sex, and she was like grabbing my face and pushing me down to sit down and taking off my clothes even though I said no. It happened, and I still don't know how to feel about that.
One week after that her sister is in town. Both sober. She starts arguing with me on personal things again in front of her sister.
I've become depressed and disenchanted and I just got off the phone with her ending it. I just want to ask, am I the asshole? I have drank quite a bit around her but I'm just a happy giggly person not aggressive drunk. So I'm not perfect. And I bonded with her son. She kept saying that in the phone call. I feel like shit and like an asshole, but I cannot deny that these things affected me to the point where I lost feeling for her. It's just sad. It's near Christmas. I got him a gift and everything, and now I'm having flashbacks of my own father abandoning. Am I the asshole in this situation? Maybe I should have worked it out instead of quitting but that's in the past now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 44,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Tl90nDOUbxFWGWXbPBxrPwPDeCytvaiL
|
ap09xa
|
{
"description": "going through with playing a Charity Concert after I found out it was a scam",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For Going Through With Playing A Charity Concert After I Found Out It Was A Scam?
|
I sing for a band that was contacted about playing a gig in support of a teen girl with cancer. The mother had trouble reaching her GoFundMe goal and cooked up the idea of a concert to raise the balance. Despite not knowing the family, mutual acquaintances got the band involved. Especially as my aunt died of the same illness, I was happily on board to perform without compensation. Two other bands were to be on the bill.
I didn’t meet with anyone involved until the day prior when my bassist and I checked out the venue. No issues there. Going by the GoFundMe page, the girl was out of town receiving treatment for ovarian cancer that was spreading to other organs. The only discomfort I feared in this situation was having to come up with something to say to the mother, who had a good chance of losing a child. The surprises started coming the moment we arrived. There was a booth with an Arbonne banner. Mom was happier than a pig in shit, directing people like she was decorating for a wedding. First thing she does is hug us; second, tell us she’ll be streaming the performance on her Youtube channel exclusively; third, introduce us to her daughter, purported to be near death from cancer, who is playing on the floor with a toddler. Over the course of an increasingly unbelievable conversation, it comes out that the ovarian cancer was self-diagnosed and that the treatment the daughter needs is to come from “specialists, not doctors.”
Of the many available options people have since reminded us that we had, the band decided to go ahead and play—as a platform for publicly outing the mother’s deception. I have since been told that I jumped to conclusions without seeking the full story, or that I failed to consider that there were a lot of kids in the audience at 2:00 in the afternoon when we rage-performed “Anarchy in the U.K.” with lyrics changed to call out the mother as a total fraud. I admit there were obscenities. It was the most awkward when we finished. I looked all over for a video camera to flip off, but didn’t see it. We just packed up our gear quickly and left giggling from the catharsis.
Now, not all members of the band and their girlfriends feel this was the best use of our energies. There is worry we may have opened ourselves to repercussions, or at least made the most negative choice. I stand by it. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
CExO3KfduAMTjM3NskhL0RSeQneUnjIX
|
aghjky
| null |
AITA My guy friend decided not to be friends with me because I didn't reciprocate his feelings
|
I've been friends with this guy(A) for about 5 years, he's liked every girl in our friend group and recently he moved on to me. We talked often over the summer and almost everyday throughout the semester, as his feelings became more noticeable I slowly stopped being as playful and didn't text him first as often. I got busier as the semester went on with my studies and my job, this also prevented many of our interactions. I started talking to this other guy friend(B) of ours more as I developed feelings for him. A went on to confess to me but I rejected him as friendly as possible and offered to stay friends. Over the next 3 months I began distancing myself to prevent leading him on further, but he angrily texted me one day asking why we never texted, I explained it was because I was busy with school and work and he claimed it was because I was texting B, it was in part because of that. He began calling me names "whore" and "cock sucking slut" whenever I joked around and he didn't like it. he began begging to hang out one on one and after a while, I gave in and we went out.....it was very awkward to say the least. Then two days ago he asked to hang out again and I said I'd let him know. Today he came up to me saying he couldn't be my friend anymore and that it was a mistake to remain friends, told me not to text/call(even though he initiates most of the convos) but then proceeded to say that if I changed my mind I should just call or text. my friend says that he means that if I change my mind about being with B instead of him. He made me feel like it was my fault for not reciprocating his feelings, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 13,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
msYbIfTkz81mGedaHgRlj5l6cPsfdlXC
|
abl7sh
|
{
"description": "not caring about a co-worker",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not caring about a co-worker?
|
Once Upon a time, this co-worker and I were friends; then she got a boyfriend and decided I was somehow jealous of her and convinced our group to "forget" to invite me to group events, change details or flat out lie to me about prior plans we'd made before "the shunning" took place.
I had a little breakdown, dealt with some shit, etc. Plenty of crap was said about me behind my back and for the most part it all died down in months. We all ended up going our separate ways.
Five years later...
She comes back to talking to me because she needs a favor. I ignore her, I somehow end up still getting moved to her old position so she can change shifts.
We still don't talk. We work in the same place, do the same job, don't talk to each other.
A year later (present time)....she's pregnant (not telling anyone, but everyone knows kinda deal) and she's using it to get out of doing a good chunk of her work.
Our work schedule was altered to give her more time off.
Then she gets a doctor's note for restrictions; can't go over X-hours per week. So more of her work becomes my work because it has to be inspected/shipped same day.
She calls in and I'm expected to drop what I'm doing and get my ass to work to cover for her, despite having my own life and a second job, or it's going against my attendance.
Recently she had a death in the family and is taking her bereavement; everyone is acting really sad for her and like we should all get together and do something for her. Even new temps that don't know her are getting roped into it.
I bowed out without comment. I didn't say anything to anybody, I'm not signing the card, I'm not contributing. She's got more to worry about than whether or not my name is on a card.
H.R. noticed and decided to ask, directly, if I wanted to sign the card or make a donation, in a very low-key threatening tone. I've seen how this works before, signing the card means someone down the line is going to come collecting the cash behind it. And I'm not in a good place budget-wise, which is why I work 2 jobs.
I said no and that was it. Begin the gossip and the rumors. Which takes some doing because we're off a couple days for the new year, but Facebook is working OT.
Like, I get it that she's the office pet and has it in good with the higher-ups because she married into their collective, but I can't seem to force myself to be concerned for her. And I don't feel like I should be bullied into faking it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
DCdevnUqzHqyM0AstOSyUERrPlwEUQUO
|
b8s66t
|
{
"description": "\"breaking up\" with a friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for "breaking up" with a friend?
|
Recently, this girl who I used to spend some time around has practically invaded the group of people that I typically spend time with, and it's getting on everyone's nerves. She is always asking for money and food because she forgets to bring her own, inserts herself in conversations that have nothing to do with her and has tried to break up two of my friends who are in a very happy relationship. All of this in addition to her inability to socialize like a normal person has stacked up to be this obvious inconvenience to me and my friends.
So, the solution brought to me by my friends is that I just tell her we don't like her, and tell her to move on. I have a hard time saying no to people as it is, but to be put in this kind of situation is a whole new level of hell for me. She's a nuisance to my friends even though she's kind of a nice person, and it's now my responsibility to tell her we can't have her around. I admit that it's exhausting to deal with her, but I didn't have the first clue on how to tell her off.
But then the pressure came. I had to tell her to leave us alone. It had to be me, cause she wouldn't listen to anyone else. So I did the most asshole-ish and cowardly thing I could do. I texted her. I drafted just the right thing to say so she wouldn't be too upset and I texted it to her. She hasn't responded yet. I feel very guilty. Am I The Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
jHOaFC7QEioFhzgzJZ8FNc6NP5EWH5nP
|
b82ybn
| null |
AITA for how I split up with my FWB?
|
So there is this girl (D) who I have been seeing for 6 months. When I first meet D I had just gotten out of a serious relationship 2 weeks before. When I met D everything is great but an issue that bothered me was that she was seeing my roomate at the time, she didnt know,when she found out she asked him if it was ok. She then started seeing me. I did tell her I broke up with my girlfriend over a month ago because the first time we met she mentioned that she doesnt get involved with people who just broke up with thier SOs.
We only spent breaks together but she was home for 2 months due to and internship and getting time off school. So we saw eachother alot. When she was gone we texted and I said I missed you a couple times. We definantly texted alot and I called her when things where going bad for her at college. Everytime she was gone we would text everyday, tell eachother I miss you and talked about how excited we where to see eachother. I knew she was seeing other people, she even texted them when we hung out She apparently had an std scare when a partners condom broke, and she called me right away. One time I knew she had sex with another person that day and came over 8 hours later.
A couple weeks ago D suddenly texted me asking were we where going and that we have been kinda acting like more then fwbs? D then told me that if I wasnt going to date her eventually then she didnt want to be involved much longer. I told D that my depression was bad so I cant really make that decision. I thanked her for coming over and helping me multiple times and picking me up from work. She then told me that she'll keep seeing me but if Im not going to commit then she is going to keep seeing other people. D tells me to tell her if im not interested anymore or are seeing other people.
D's spring break comes along and we text how excited we are to meet again, but after the first day. I dont want to see her. My anxiety acts up so I just stop opening her snaps. D contacts me on facebook saying "Why are you ghosting me? Youre active on snapchat but not opening my messages? I thought you wanted to see me over break?" So I tell her I never wanted to be with her and that Im too depressed to think about being in a relationship and that her pushing made me uncomfortable. Then I blocked her. She saw my post with my new girlfriend 4 days after we talked. She sent me messages calling me a liar, and saying I never respected her. I told her that she was gross for sleeping with someone else the same day she came to see me and that she cant be mad I dont have feelings for her. She responded by calling me a coward that lead her on and slut shamed her. She also told me if I didnt have feelings for her then I shouldnt tell her I missed her or was excited to see her and shouldve told her no when she asked what we wanted for the future.
Td:lr: Fwb mad because of how I rejected her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
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AUTHOR
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{
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WRONG
|
swqjUKUC6YAlS2mEhZmShjMlCcgnbYR0
|
assl66
|
{
"description": "freaking out",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For Freaking Out?
|
My best friend (B) and I were at a thing that our church runs on Sunday evenings for high school students. Both of us are seniors. All names have been changed.
We get to church, we're all hanging out and laughing and having a good time, and B and Todd walk away to go talk, alone.
(For context, B had told me earlier that she needed to talk to Todd about something personal, and I was like okay? you do you boo. Harpago was less supportive and wanted her to talk to him about it instead, but every time she'd brought it up to him previously, he'd gotten angry and impossible to reason with.)
I did not see Todd and B walk away from our group. Seeing as both the guy I have a massive crush on and my very sick best friend have disappeared, I, understandably, panic.
Said panic gets worse when another guy we know, S, walks over and whispers something to Oliver, who immediately gets angry with him and tells him to stop trying to start rumors. I, already being wound up from Todd and B's disappearance, freak out even more and ask Oliver to tell me what S said to him.
Oliver explains angrily that S was trying to start a rumor that Todd and B were 'spooning' on the metal stairs outside and that they'd gotten caught and yelled at by a leader. I then start shaking and put my head in my hands, because B has had issues with one male leader in particular because she's dating Harpago, a known troublemaker. Now, I know that Todd and B would never do anything bad, but I do know that Todd is parked in the back lot by the metal stairs and that they might've gone to a Walmart up the street, which is something we do often.
I try to call B. No answer.
I send a text in my group chat with Todd and B. No answer.
I call Todd. Rings once, goes to voicemail.
I call B again. No answer.
I'm now on the verge of a panic attack- this is my closest friend and she's in pain, both mental and physical, and now she's missing, and so is the guy I like (who I am also close friends with). Oliver, Calvin, and Lily are all telling me that I'm overreacting and that everything is fine, but I can't calm down.
Later, Todd and B reappear, coming in through the doors that lead to the lobby area. I yeet over there and ask B if I can hug her (there's a story there), she says yes, I pull her into a bone-crushing hug and when I let go I give her a stern talking-to, choked up and with tears in my eyes. Todd explains that they've been in the lobby, and everybody goes back to hanging out as normal.
Later that night, I get a series of four texts from Harpago. He's berating me, telling me that B doesn't have to report her every move to me and that I need to 'stop being an asshole to her all the time' and that I'm 'not him when I am not there'. I'm thinking to myself, dude, that's really controlling, but because I was not doing well mentally, I just apologized and said it wouldn't happen again.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
CBSZVyqCxH1C5s0sXzXomsxgsVnQsYLf
|
b2cdrp
|
{
"description": "not wanting to drive with my mom while Im getting my licence because I think she's the worst when it comes to this",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to drive with my mom while im getting my licence because i think she's the worst when it comes to this? (tldr at end)
|
im 16 and i have my drivers permit. i have a car and i am logging hours. in the past, i have only driven with my mom. she's very.... *passionate* about this. meaning she yells a lot. i didnt want to drive because of her mixed with my mental health issues, mostly the latter.
the other day, i was driving my parents and my sister to dinner. shortly after we left, a car was speeding through the roundabout and i had to slam the brakes. my mom screams bloody murder. nothing happens and no ome got hurt. she was totally in the wrong here. growing up, distracting the driver like that would land you in timeout. she refuses she did anything wrong. her justification? she was scared. but i know she can easily handle her emotions much better than that. still holding a grudge.
yesterday, i drove almost 2 hours with my dad. i loved it. my dad has a lot of anger issues, which he is currently seeking help for, but he is incredible in the passenger's seat.
a little bit ago, i just met a family for a babysitting gig 1 1/2 blocks down the road. i drove to just get as many minutes as possible. i went with my mom. my driving wasnt perfect (as expected), and she picked over every little detail of something I did wrong, even if i had good reasoning in the moment. i broke down. i can't capture how bad she is when we're driving, and i can't capture how angry she makes me feel about this stuff.
im still sitting in my car. i refuse to go inside. my dad keeps asking me to come in. my mom insists she did nothing wrong.
AITA?
tldr: have my permit, hate driving with my mom because she constantly overreacts, is constantly overcritical, and makes everything a problem. i understand i need advice and correction, but this feels like to much.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
DLZskw55rZRgCNB0rcMaOskLvFzwXQeX
|
9z3988
|
{
"description": "hitting my dad",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for hitting my dad
|
I (16) was sitting in my parents room playing Spider-Man ps4 after finishing my homework, and my dad started poking me in the ribs, i asked him to stop he continue and I continued to protest, so I swung at him and hit him in the face.
My mother called me an asshole and told me I have no right to do that.
I don't know please tell me!!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
vT0KtuPNJFXIujGjmBTguINY5edtx8cR
|
aumh64
|
{
"description": "getting upset with someone in my gaming group",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting upset with someone in my gaming group?
|
First, this community is awesome! I've been lurking for a long time, commenting for a short while, and really appreciating everyone here. I have some issues with social media addiction and external validation, and this sub has been incredibly useful.
​
On to the issue...
​
I play a tabletop game with a regular group of people. I am the mage. The ONLY mage in the group, which is important. My character has a disad called "Secretive" meaning I have to basically hoard information. I take that seriously, although I do my best to work around it and share information that's necessary with the rest of the party.
So we're playing and there's a message hidden and I use my arcane lore skill to decode it. As I should be the only one able to read it, the DM gives me a slip of paper that he's written the message on. I read it. I convey the pertinent info to the rest of the group, we move on.
​
A few minutes later, the player sitting next to me snatches the note out of my hand. I object. He gives me a snarky reply about how I'm not a team player. I ask for the paper back and tell him I already shared the important part. He refuses. I reach for it, he leans over and hands it to someone on the far end of the table and tells him to "pass it around."
​
I am pissed. That's rude and disrespectful, right? Like, high school bully stuff. On a personal level, I'm upset. Gamewise, his character shouldn't have had that information at all, because HE COULDN'T READ THE MESSAGE. Stealing the paper from me seems to defeat the purpose of having the message encoded in the first place.
​
The DM doesn't notice, as he's settling a skill issue with the bard. Our first major encounter begins, and I just kind of let it go for the time being so we can get through the fight. After we've cleared it, I bring it up.
​
The DM says that the player should have had to roll to read the message, too. He has no Arcane Lore skill, so good luck. But unfortunately, he already has it. Everyone in the party is annoyed and says I should just let it go so we can move on.
​
What do you all think? AITA for being upset that another player physically stole something in my possession, then shared information he shouldn't have had with other members of the group?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
4fZEYJ4xuPCvMFYCXFNf7L1mP2BiSfDB
|
a85zic
|
{
"description": "being upset that my boyfriend was two hours late to what we had plans",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset that my boyfriend was two hours late to what we had plans?
|
Basically what happened was my boyfriend and I had plans for a movie date and just relaxing at 6pm. He said before that that he was gonna go to the store with his roommate and might be a little late (like half an hour). Well it turns out, they didn’t go to the store until 15 minutes until we were supposed to hangout. I wasn’t angry or anything, I knew he would be a little late.
He messaged me from his roommates phone saying he left his at home and would message me ASAP when he got home. I said that was great and to just let me know so I could head over (I am about 20 mins from his house).
An hour passes and I’ve heard absolutely nothing. An hour and a half in I message just to make sure they’re okay. Then two hours. Finally he messages me and says they got distracted. He has a watch and knew the time and sees no issue in the fact that he was two hours late.
I should mention that I had work at 6AM the next morning so I wasn’t going to be able to stay extra late and was hoping to spend all the time possible. We were only seeing each other 1-2x a week.
Whenever I expressed that I was upset he made it seem like I was being unreasonable. Mind you, I didn’t lash out or act angry, I just said that I was upset and was wanting to spend time with him because I missed him. And by the time I got over there (like 8:40) I only had like 3 hours to spend with him.
tl;dr- plans for 6, boyfriend was late and I didn’t end up getting there until almost 9
AITA for being upset that I waited for two hours and then got told I was overreacting because I was upset?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
BYaeOFX7l1C0ST1ATyUAHwGvnDUaj6Ei
|
ajaahp
|
{
"description": "submitting a complaint letter about my physics teacher",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for submitting a complaint letter about my physics teacher?
|
Hello reddit,
Basically, as the title says, I have recently submitted a complaint letter about my AP Physics teacher. I think most people know that physics can be very hard for many, but at the same time can be one of the most fascinating subjects in the lives of many. Since the beginning of the year, however, my teacher hasn't really been teaching the class, he always just said to read the book, and rarely did anything. In class people either sleep or study on their phones through online sources(Khanacademy, crash course, Organic chem tutor, would recommend all of those btw). He didn't give any interesting labs, he gave us one lab that involved dropping a car on a ramp and then measuring the impact with a sensor. The bad part was that all cars were either broken or sticky from some kind of glue. All other labs came in a form of .jar files that contained simulations. All would be fine if it weren't for the fact that many people couldn't open files on their Mac computers and some just didn't have a computer at home. When asked what to do he just shrugged and said "I dunno, figure it out yourself." It all came to a boil when he changed the grading system for the 5th time this school year, making the class harder once again. Many people in our class say how after school he answers physics questions by first looking at you like an idiot and then either giving just an answer without an explanation or dodging the question(not sure what they mean by dodging the question but I am guessing that he just talks about something else? You can disregard that point as even I am skeptical he actually does that but I felt worth mentioning). So last week I compiled everything into one file that is about 4 pages long and submitted it. If it means anything to you guys, on ratemyteacher websites he has 1 star out of 5 and all comments basically reflect what I already explained. The deen told me to "give him a break, he is a new teacher!" but I, at least at the moment, thought to myself that I don't care how new he is, if it means that I can't pass the AP exam at the end of the year, or get proper support to get my education. I do admit that it is partially our fault, maybe if we were to listen closely, he would change the way he acts towards us? I also didn't mention earlier but he also shows us powerpoints that summarises everything in one sentence and has images STRAIGHT from the textbook.
​
going back to the original question, was it an asshole thing to do, to send this potentially harming letter to the principal of my school? (about half of our class have submitted some kinds of verbal complaints to the principal about him already)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
EArRr2F3Qyy0076ECT0f1S7Sfw1Vpgzv
|
aj1bkk
|
{
"description": "potentially not helping someone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for potentially not helping someone?
|
I worked with a girl for three years and we became really close friends. I moved to another state and I started to hear from her less and less, so I continued reaching out to her but our conversations inevitably did become shorter.
I've invited her and her husband to visit for years since we've moved and they've always declined and any time we're back in our home state we always invite them out, but it's been one excuse after another, mainly "oh we forget you were coming home and we made other plans"
It's really confusing because at this point I never hear from her, I'm the only one that initiates conversation and it always makes me feel like why am I doing this, she is clearly not interested in being friends anymore, but she'll always say "omg I've been meaning to text you I've been busy I miss you so much etc etc"
I guess I'm mostly just annoyed that she puts 0 effort into our friendship
I know that her husband has had a problem with me since before their wedding because I had initially rsvp'ed to her bridal shower that I would come home and go, but then we found out my husband was deploying that weekend, so as soon as I found out I let her know and told her I would come home prior to the shower because I wanted to take her out to dinner and give her the gift I got her. At dinner she told me her (now) husband "is really pissed at you for missing the bridal shower just because your husband is deploying, he thinks it's a bad reason to not go"
About a year ago I had called her just to catch up and while we were on the phone her husband asked who she was talking to and she said me and he said "oh my kid is going to be 18 before she even meets him" .. which made me so upset because every time we're home we try to make plans with them and they won't see us, she did however invite me to her baby shower and I did travel home to attend
So something just happened in her and her husband's life which falls into the area of my mom's job. I had told my mom about what happened and despite them not being my mom's clients she offered to take a look at their stuff and see if she can offer them any advice
I haven't told them this because I guess I feel like where our friendship is at the moment .. she's not made any attempt to see us when we're home in years, she never texts or calls... why am I going out of my way to help them? I feel like the right thing to to is put it out there for them, but I'm kind of tired of it at this point
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
UiMzMpf8drwFyCahVSw08qFq53UfSq0A
|
b3wmif
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give back their dog",
"pronormative_score": 63,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give back their dog
|
So last August some friends of a friend needed a place for their dog since they moved into an apartment. The dog was already at their parents, but they were moving houses so they need somewhere for 2 months. They offered about 40 bucks a month for food for him (just barely enough for him).
After they eventually dropped him off he settled in nicely. The dog is a very active breed and we have a decent sized yard, and a dog park nearby which he loves.
He was meant to be gone by December so my mum and I tried to not get attached. December comes around and the owners visited because I found a tick and had already taken it out at the vet. So they also came to drop if some tick protect since they pretty much get it for free. They only visited the dog once before a couple of weeks after we got him.
At that time they were saying it would be be best he just stays at ours, and essentially saying they had no where for him to go for the foreseeable future. I was happy because I had already grown attached, but my mum had been wary till then. So they stopped paying every month, since we thought he was ours.
Fast forward to yesterday when we got a text from the owner saying they want to move him to live in an apartment with their friend in the city. We were furious and saddened. We were mad that they wanted to keep him in an apartment with no grass (active, medium breed) and sad that they wanted to take him.
The owner says she misses him but has only visited them twice in 8 months, to which they in the area every weekend. We've put so much love into caring for him and have even taught him new tricks. The poor dog has been uprooted so many time already and is still very young.
Am I the asshole for wanting to keep him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
V5ZTNEoQ4wl5okBqh3rmbYmaIvnOzmDA
|
9wqqss
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to stop smoking",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my friend to stop smoking?
|
I have a really close group of friends that I hang out with them at least once a week. Max is one of them. I knew him last year and he is a nice person, very caring and responsible, sociable. After he broke up with his ex gf for 2 years recently, he started smoking, but he never smoke in front of us so I didn't know, until my other friends told me.
I wanted to convince him to stop smoking as a friend, because smoking is harmful to our body and I do care about his health. I asked my other friends in the group but they won't even bother. They told me to accept him for who he is and the fact that he started smoking. That made be frustrated because they don't even care about whether he smokes or not. One of them even said it is not selfish but selfless to accept that he smokes and let him be.
FYI I knew that you can't change anyone if they are not willing to change. But I just want to care about his health and I am scared that this will ruin our relationship. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
O6L5PZHCGzG30ald7BfTHO25vpjxRiNx
|
b4pzn3
|
{
"description": "going on a work trip that my wife has concerns about",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going on a work trip that my wife has concerns about
|
This one is a bit complicated so bear with me.
My wife and I have a great relationship. We live and support each other and have built a life and family together that we are proud of. The one rough part of our life right now are some fertility issues that have made it difficult for us to conceive our second child. We have had multiple miscarriages and have been trying pretty non-stop for a most 2 years at this point. We are a few months from implanting our first round of IVF.
My wife is very uptight about anything baby related. When trying to conceive she has drunk no alcohol, no caffeine, is incredibly sensitive to things like lunch meats etc. basically all the things you would expect an already pregnant person to do. I get it, these are things she can control and I have done my best to support her.
Here is where things get a bit difficult. My wife is an infectious disease physician. We have not traveled below the Mason Dixon line in 5 years due to her concerns around the Zika virus. I have done my best to be supportive of this but it has been incredibly difficult to negotiate with my job.
In a few weeks I am expected to be in Vegas. Under normal circumstances I would bow out but this is one of those few situations where I really can’t. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I will get fired but I would be SERIOUSLY screwing some people over.
I know that the likelihood of me contracting the Zika virus is essentially null and have tried to reason with her but she is drawing a pretty hard line and is clearly pretty upset. I feel like I am caught in a really hard place here. At the same time I think I have been enabling some behavior on her end that I probably shouldn’t be enabling.
So Reddit AITA in this situation. Should I just suck it up and screw over my job in favor of my wife’s concerns?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
EGp27BQYEMw5DN57oSOFObIjo4bzEReJ
|
aje597
|
{
"description": "asking for the money you owe me after 3-4 months",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For asking for the money you owe me after 3-4 months?
|
So my friend “James” likes to buy too much, too the point where he owes everyone I know money. So about 3-4 months ago, me and him went out to a local town, where we would eat and just mess around. He never, ever brings out money, but leaves the town with a full stomach, and some money (he wasn’t stealing anything)
Me and my friend felt sorry for him, we were in macdonalds and he was watching us eat, so we buy him a burger. Then we give him £1-2 . He claims he will pay us back so I remember that. Then the next day, a market exclusive to Sunday was open, so we went with James. We get James some doughnuts and some tiny firecrackers. He says he will pay us back, again.
So I see him in school the next week (we are in the same class) then ask for the money, (keep in mind this guys claims he is rich and has a £2000 pc, (probably doesn’t) and gets £20 a week. I’m saying that this guy is loaded. He wears all the newest designer clothes when he goes out.) then he gives me a death stare then says tommorow, for 3 months. I’m dead serious.
He also scammed my friend for £2. Like why. Anyways my friend gets his money back and that’s resolved.
Now last week I said to him , “look, bring my money next week, or I’m going to get angry” , that was like a little threat , nothing to serious . As I usually get angry over things.
I see him in the shop the day after that, around 6pm, I said “James! Have you got my money?” In a friendly way, but still hasn’t got it.
So this week I get the money off him, but he changes, he removed me from his friend list and hasn’t spoken to me since, so reddit , AITA?
Tl;Dr: been owed money for 3 months, finally got it given to me, but he is acting like I did something wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
pggKEBUpqsgg1WUVRzKamGDdYC704tzg
|
aryg16
|
{
"description": "not wanting to forgive my friend right now",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to forgive my friend right now?
|
throwaway acc
The other day at around 3am I got a call from friend (S) that his mom scratched him with a knife and she was furious cause she found out he was gay. I stayed on the phone with S to calm him down
I told S he needed to leave, and that he had a spot at mine for as long as he needed. He refused saying it would make things worse. I said he was an adult and she had no power over him. His safety was more important than anything (he told me he was afraid of being stabbed)
S had to talk to his dad so he got off the phone but texted me. I called other friend (L) S lived closer too, explained some if S needed a place closer. L said yes so I told S. I call my gf. S texted me throughout saying he couldn’t leave, but he would stay awake until he had class and call me driving. S called me elaborated, and I tried saying my place was open. S refused, I had class so I dropped it
FF afternoon. One of the friends (A) in the group asked if S was alright cause of snap story. L told A S is ok
A texted S, who said he was fine. A texted me and L asked for more info, we refused
Later in the day (we have group skype to) S asked if anyone was up for a call while he drove home. I said yes so I called. Nobody picked up and A told me S was driving
FF to later A texts me telling me S and her talked during ride home. I asked if S was ok or told her anything. A said yeah got told everything. A said that his mom was batshit but leaving would’ve made the problem worse and it was a hard situation. I said don’t say to S that leaving is bad it’s gonna just make him feel trapped. I said his well-being is worth more and he has places to go. A said but where is he gonna go pay for his college etc
This infuriated me. I left my abusive house just last August because my girlfriend convinced me I could leave. Nobody else ever helped me. I felt trapped with no way out and didn’t want S feeling that way. A is aware this
I told her that she didn’t understand what she was talking about and that S was with his mother who hurt him. he could come to mine and that he was feeling trapped when he could leave if he’s being hurt. A said that that’s not what she meant. I said that’s what she just said. I didn’t look at any more cause I was angry
Twenty minutes later I get a call from my sister saying L said A is crying and freaking out that she upset me. I said I was upset with her but I’m not gonna stop being her friend I just need time to cool. My sister said okay and it ended there
I looked later and A had sent me a bunch of texts apologizing. I didn’t reply. We still streak on Snapchat but I only had vague convos with her
I get a long text the next day about everything she’s going through in life and with this. I told her that I would still be her friend, but I’m still upset I just need some time
L is saying I’m just freaking A out these last few days. I’m not ready to say it’s ok. I need space. Everyone has their own opinion on me being angry at A and I need to know AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
Avnl4x6LDurtjnQsTNeblDNJYxLmuvZj
|
aszlct
|
{
"description": "not realizing I should stop talking, get my food + keep moving",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not realizing I should stop talking, get my food + keep moving?
|
Sorry it’s long. There’s a TL;DR. I think I was the asshole but w/out realizing? I added a lot of my own thoughts but tried to make the events as factual as possible. Please tell me if I sound like I’m just trying to justify it bc IDK.
I was getting a burger at the dining hall. I prefer no cheese and try to mention this because a.) there is def. cross contamination and b.) I’ve mentioned it before + it was all good.
When I went it was v slow + they were still restocking some stuff. I asked them for no cheese on one. Once they were done setting up things, I said ~ ”Hey so you know it’s not an allergy, just a preference bc yeah” and trailed off because I wasn’t sure how to finish it TBH.
(I realized late it sounded kind of self-praising, but I can get awkward with strangers, so what could I do after the fact.)
They sort of neutrally said “Oh, is it a problem? I can cook it in a separate pan if you need.” I was kind of confused and repeated it. They seemed about to move it to another pan (I thought) so I said it again and then after like 20 more sec they motioned to me and put the burger on my bun.
I was holding the bun just in my hands bc circumstances. I just can’t remember if they made any sort of signal to take my bun before the third time I said it bc they had only been put in the pans a few min before.
I was kind of embarrassed bc I was confused but I thought it wasn’t awful/too long, and look, I was just standing there holding a burger bun. It wasn’t on a plate that they could motion to or say something about.
I left but as I passed back by the burger area I hear the worker talking semi-loudly to the people in line (~5 feet away? The dining hall was pretty loud though):
(This is as much as I remember) “Yeah, they kept telling me it was l an allergy and not a preference like three times but I was just trying to give them the burger. It’s the small things you know—“ (pretty annoyed)
I figured I was the asshole unintentionally and was racking my brain to try and remember the interaction, if they tried to give me the burger, how they acted, etc. TBH I should have just not mentioned anything at all and just said “No cheese” and I think that’s what I’ll do next time or I’ll just say my line once, I don’t know. I’ll def. pay more attention.
But when I told my friends later, in private, they said I was probably just clueless and not an Asshole. So now I’m confused. The worker sounded really annoyed from where I was. I wish they had just said something to me directly so I would have known, but they’re not obligated to, so.
So, AITA for repeating myself about a preference and not realizing the worker wanted me to get my food and keep moving?
TL;DR told the worker “preference not allergy” three times without realizing that the food was done and I should get it and go. Worker talked loud enough for me to overhear it (prob. unintentionally) and sounded very annoyed.
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HISTORICAL
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apzxuf
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{
"description": "blowing up and then ignoring my friends",
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"contranormative_score": 11
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|
AITA for blowing up and then ignoring my friends?
|
So this weekend my friends got me to go to a LAN party. I was already skeptical, it was about 20 dollars entrance fee and everything there is expensive to a 18yo dropout. I gave the thing a chance since they kept talking about it and asking me. I went there with horrible back pain from work, to be met with a bunch of Fortnite kids, my friends and some people I can't stand.
Anyway, I give the shit a chance, I get some snacks and play some games with my friends. I'm already exhausted at this point when one person in the group tells me to play a specific character. I'm already 100% sick of everything and I end up telling my friend to fuck off, and I spent the remainder of the match just sort of passive agressively standing there, not doing anything.
After this I call up my other friends, and my mates in the room overhear me telling the guys on the phone stuff like "I want to fucking die", "I hate this place", how i wasted my money, and how I should never listen to them again when they want me to do stuff. They go ask me what's okay, and I just sort of having a breakdown of sorts. I throw some of my shit on the floor, pack the rest and walk home. Then I deleted my snapchat temporarily and I've refused any contact with them since saturday. Am I the asshole here? I'm just ignoring them temporarily
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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b3ev2v
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"description": "leaving this problem",
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|
AITA for leaving this problem
|
Theres mold in my bathroom. Technician came to my house to inspect the bathroom and the mold and what not so anyway turns out this pos house has plaster walls and the tub leaks hot water so its gonna keep spreading. The technician said first things first, a plumber has to turn off the water. The mold remediation company then does what they have to do INCLUDING a complete demolition of the bathroom and some kind of spray or something in the attic + we have to install a vent and completely redo the bathroom. Clearly, I don't have the money to do this because I'm fucking 20 years old working basically less than part time at a shitshow of a job + I'm in debt from school and I still don't even have my license or a car because I was lazy and waited too long. My grandmother who owns the house and lives downstairs in a seperate section (it's a family house) made poor decisions with her money and is basically always broke and my dad has very low monthly income from the state etc claiming disability point is not one of us can afford all of this. Everyone is arguing with me because I'm deciding that there's no way in hell I can do this and if I can't it just won't get done so anyway I'm basically deciding to leave because my grandmother doesn't care she literally said "you and your father can move or you can just move, i don't care". So she's essentially ignoring the problem and willing to let it spread. I'm definitely 100% going to move but my dad has no where to go and since my grandmother is ignoring the problem eventually it'll just spread everywhere and my dad is at risk of getting sick because he has no where else to go. Either way I'm leaving but AITA? Sorry for the life story lmao
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "telling my girlfriend I've had enough of her Instagram hobby",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 13
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AITA for telling my girlfriend I've had enough of her Instagram hobby?
|
I'll keep this short. My girlfriend is like every other 22 year old girl these days and had an Instagram. At first it was just for all the routine stuff but maybe a year ago a pic of her on the beach (that cropped me out btw) was shared on a "hotties of XXU" account and overnight she went from like 1000 followers to well over 80,000. She now makes a substantial amount of money from IG and her sponsors and partnerships. I was like mostly ok with this because she's not in college debt any more but she's completely given up looking for real work. She basically treats Instagram like her job, in fact she checks her google calendar every day it's so formalized it will say things like "8 AM, post pic from Peak shoot, say "inspiration is every where you just have to see it" and then "9 AM, follow up with BoutineLA about plane ticket" and "1PM, take selfie at starbucks...say "can't make it through the day without a hit of the good stuff! tag #starbucks #scottsdale, #goodlife"
Like I said I dealt, but I really want her back the way things were. I don't want to be with just another IG girl. She recently was picked up a major swimsuit company for a partnership. She is supposed to fly to LA tomorrow and spend the week at one of the owners AirBNBs where she is going to spend the week shooting. I am freaking the hell out because I don't want her to go. At all. She's going to LA as part of a group shoot and even she describes it like it as "its shooting photos in the early afternoon while the light is good then it's just a party until everyone goes to bed early." What she's not saying is there's going to be other guys there, her ass and sideboob are going to be on full display because it's just the way this company makes their suits and she says she's not going to be hit on? yeah right!
I told her just now that I'm sick of her Instagram hobby and she called me an asshole because this is her job. I told her this isn't a job this is just some stupid shit she uses to fill the time until her boobs and ass sag and then where will she be. She called me an asshole again and stormed out. She wont respond to my calls.
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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alejsd
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{
"description": "choosing an experienced realtor over a family friend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for choosing an experienced realtor over a family friend?
|
My husband and I are in the process of buying a home. We sold our last home and moved to this area last spring. We originally tried to buy here but there was nothing on the market we liked so we signed a lease and decided to wait. We used a great, very knowledgeable agent back then. Really nice, competent guy, who has been in the business awhile and helped a family member close on a home a couple yrs ago.
Well, last summer my sister-in-law's bff Ann Perkins (not real name) got her real estate license. I have always really liked this girl. She's vivacious, bubbly, all around sweet woman. She is working full time as something else, and just wants to do real estate part time. She closed on her first home just last week so she's very new to the business.
I shot her a question a few weeks ago about a property, and we texted some about that and another. She said she'd check in on a property and get back with me and then never did.
We felt uneasy going with her since she has no experience (and we watched the buyer of our last home fumble and bumble with a brand new agent and were not eager to live that again). A few days after she didn't get back with me, I reached out to our old agent and he immediately got on the ball (because this is his full-time job) and got us connected with a lender. A week and a half later, he rode around with us and we toured some properties with him. Literally while we're at one of the houses--which was one I texted with Ann Perkins about--I get a picture text from Ann Perkins asking if that was the property I was wondering about. Weird coincidence or small town talk? Hmmm.
I never texted her back (this was last week) and just yesterday she texted me again asking if I got her text. I told her I did and chatted some about the property and apologetically explained that we'd gone with our original agent. I think she's upset and my husband is positive his mom and sister told her and the original text wasn't a coincidence.
I feel guilty, but my parents even warned us to choose our agent wisely and I felt like going with Ann Perkins wouldn't have been the wisest choice (she gave us some bad advice about pre-approval, for example, that I only caught because we've bought a home before). My husband thinks we're assholes and now regrets going with our old agent (even though he prefers him and 100% shares my concerns about Ann Perkins). He says sometimes it's worth taking a hit or not getting the best possible deal for the sake of our social circle and to help a family friend out.
TLDR: We kind of snubbed a family friend who recently got her real estate license to go with an experienced agent. Family friend is now upset and husband thinks we're assholes.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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"description": "running out on a date",
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"contranormative_score": 2
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AITA for running out on a date?
|
I [19F] had a last minute date with a guy [19M] I met on bumble. We had seemed to hit it off, and decided to catch a movie. During the movie, I kept moving my hand closer to his to try to make a move. He was either oblivious or not into me as he was on the complete other side of his seat, which is totally fine and I stopped.
However, before the movie hit the halfway point, he had been on his phone 11 times. Scrolling through something and checking texts and such. I felt very disrespected by that, as well as really embarrassed that he was doing it. (His phone went off once and then he silenced it, but he never turned his brightness off. We were sitting in the back row, but the row was full.)
I started to have a bit of an anxiety attack and couldn’t breathe and my leg was shaking. I felt as if this meant that he was so disinterested in me and couldn’t even handle spending a movie with me. I kept trying to convince myself to leave, and after the 10th time I had decided, but he did it again before I actually left. I understand that not everyone feels the same way about checking phones during a movie, my issue with it was that we were on a date and it felt disrespectful. AITA for leaving because I was upset by this?
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HISTORICAL
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a2u9q6
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{
"description": "seeking additional compensation after a poor hotel experience",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
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|
AITA for seeking additional compensation after a poor hotel experience?
|
A few weeks ago my wife and I took a vacation for a week at Las Vegas and booked a room at a hotel on the strip. When we checked in, I tipped the employee behind the counter $50 and asked for a complimentary room upgrade, which they provided us with (becomes relevant later).
Fast forward a few days later, we woke up to get ready to find that we had no running water (no shower, sink etc.). I called the front desk to ask what was going on and I was told the water had been temporarily shut off, and that we could use the spa showers on the floor level or wait 1-2 hours and the water would be turned back on. We opted to shower at the spa because we didn’t want to lose upwards of 2 hours of our day. Vacation time is precious. The spa is on the floor level of hotel resort though, where there are stores around and a lot of foot traffic, so we’d have to trudge through a bunch of commotion to and from the shower.
We showed up to the spa and were sent to separate rooms for male/female. The spa consisted of a shared shower room with a door to each shower but pretty much open everything else. I hate shared public showers and was very uncomfortable with it, it wasn’t a very clean environment, And I had nowhere to put my change of clothes or shampoo, etc., so I was overall fairly bothered by the experience. I finished my shower and had to carry my dirty clothes through the floor level and up the elevator back to our room to finish getting ready.
My wife had an even worse experience. She mentioned that the clerk was extremely rude to her and treated her as though she was an inconvenience for trying to shower there. She didn’t feel comfortable in the showers either, also stating that it wasn’t very clean, and when she asked the clerk for a bag for her dirty clothes after her shower she received plastic bag to carry her clothes with her followed by some more rude stares.
After already being upset and hearing my wife’s story, I went down to the front desk to complain while she finished getting ready. When talking to the front desk, I remained calm but let them know that the spa shower was uncomfortable experience for both of us and recounted the especially poor experience that my wife had. She never apologized, but instead mentioned that “we are not told when the water will be shut off. Sometimes the water is shut off in the morning and we are not even told until it happens”. I told her that I was aware that wasn’t her fault that the water got shut off and wasn’t mad at her, but that it resulted in my wife and I having a really poor experience. This also made it really apparent that this kind of “water shutdown” happens on a semi-regular basis and that they make no attempt to notify customers beforehand or take the initiative to make it right, just provide a sub-par and shower solution that is worse than what we have in the room. She offered to comp our resort fee for the day (worth about $40). I was unhappy with that and countered and asked isn’t there anything more that you can do for us? Do you have free buffet passes or anything? I was told they could only give me one or the other since they are equal value. From now till the start she had been extremely un-empathetic and I was still pretty pissed. She she must have noticed because she asked if I’d like to talk to her manager. I said yes.
The manager comes around and right off the bat has a face that tells me that he doesn’t plan to budge on anything. I gave him a shortened explanation of our experience and asked if there’s anything more that they could do for us. He just stated matter-of-factly that “the water was only shut off for two hours”, completely ignoring the fact that we found out without any prior warning, detested the showers, and (I am guessing this part did not get relayed) that my wife had a terrible experience with their employee. Furthermore, he mentioned that we had already received a complementary room upgrade (that I tipped $50 for) and that he wouldn’t be giving us any other compensation, and that was that. He looked at me like I was obviously trying to play up my frustration and he had me figured out. I was kind of at a loss for words and all I could say at that point was that “that is really shitty, man” and repeated that a couple of times. Where he then responded with nothing but “today’s resort fee is comped, you’re all set” and promptly walked away before I could say more.
Since I had already tried to escalate to their manager, it became apparent that I wasn’t going to get anything else and decided to leave so I could get on with my day, albeit much more pissed than I was before.
While I do admit that I was trying to get as much compensation as I could out of this, you never get what you don’t ask for, and I was legitimately bothered by my wife and I’s experience. This left a sour note on us that made has made us really dislike this particular hotel/resort and regret our choice a little bit. It was the Flamingo in case you’re curious - and I do hope they lose business as a result.
So, am I an entitled a-hope or was I justified in prodding for more compensation?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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awctao
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"description": "dancing with a girl when she didnt tell me she already had a date",
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AITA for dancing with a girl when she didnt tell me she already had a date
|
Ok so this was yesterday and I went to a school dance with my mates
When we got there we hung around for an hour and then I saw a girl in the corner of the room and I asked her to dance (note: her date was on the other side of the gym talking to other girls and I didn't know he was her date) so we danced for about 2 hours and then he came back and said she was his date and I apologized and told her to go dance and hangout with him and she left.
Not 10 minutes later I'm sitting talking to my mates and she comes up and grabs my shoulder and pulls me to the dance floor I told her this wasn't right and she told me she didn't like him anyways so we danced for 10 minutes while I tried to slip away from her. I sipped away after 10 minutes.
Fast forward to the end of the dance and her date ditched her I being nice walked her to her mom's car once she showed up.
So tonight I went to play cards with another group of my mates and we had a good time but I don't even know how but she followed me to cards she played for abit the whole time I'm feeling uncomfortable.
When I get home I look at my phone and there like 90+ msgs in our friends group chat trash talking me and saying they are all gonna jump me when I got to school.
I tried to explain what actually happened and everyone was saying what a piece of crap I was for dancing with her. I spend the next hour explaining what happen and they still ignore me and keep threatening and insulting me and I told her about this and she apologized for bugging me and making me dance I took screen shots and sent them to me and they ignored that so I cut ties with all my friends (it's ALL of the friends at school that bullied me) and the girl who danced with.
So am I the asshole for dancing with her be as harsh as you want I don't care anymore
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ace4tp
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"description": "hanging up on my friend for being a sexist douche",
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|
AITA for hanging up on my friend for being a sexist douche?
|
I’m watching surviving R Kelly and was telling him about it and emphasized my experience with abuse and being taken advantage of by older men and he shared his experience again saying how he could relate in regards to being rapes himself by a man.
However, he thinks it’s natural to want to have sex with a 16 year old.
I don’t.
Why would anyone want to knowingly have sex with someone who doesn’t understand fully? As a former 16 year old girl I can testify that I didn’t really understand the consequences of sex STDs pregnancy. Thought the pull out method was legit.
I’m disgusted with him. But he’s my only friend. But I’m so fucking disgusted.
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aqnca9
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{
"description": "getting angry at my ex-girlfriend for talking to the guys that liked her",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my ex-girlfriend for talking to the guys that liked her?
|
Alright its valentines day time to get something settled that I've been wondering about for years now. My ex would constantly flirt with friends that made it clear they liked her and would let it continue past the point I was comfortable even when I brought it up. Once she went as far as to break up with me preemptively thinking she liked one of the guys. Afterwards though she would come back and apologize and I'd get mad saying she betrayed my trust or something but she'd tell me that I wasnt understanding her POV and that I was in the wrong. I usually ended up being the one comforting her because she felt bad for cheating. Idk if I can even call it cheating. Anyways we broke up permanently a few years ago and it's been on my mind ever since, she claimed me getting mad was abusive and that completely destroyed my self esteem and worth. I'm sorry I know this probably sounds open and closed for some of you on both sides but it's been ruining me for the past few years and I have to get some sort of answer, she won't give it to me
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HISTORICAL
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9tc37h
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{
"description": "not wanting my roomates to wear just underwears around the house",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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|
AITA for not wanting my roomates to wear just underwears around the house?
|
Here is the situation, I'm a college student and i share an appartment with two other girls, lets call the older and the younger sister. I live with the older sister for three years now, and the younger for three months. I never had major issues with the older sister, and sometimes I see her in underwears inside of her room, she keeps door open most of the time, but it doest bother me, it is her space.
Things are being a little different with the younger sister. She walks around all the house wearing just underwears. I understand that everyone wants to wear comfortable clothes at home, but I feel akward.
AITA for asking her to dress up some shorts?
Obs: i'm a girl myself and they are not my siblings
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HISTORICAL
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9vpwa4
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"description": "calling someones wife ugly",
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|
AITA for calling someones wife ugly?
|
So I'm just cruising through the aisle at Walmart and this nasty looking cigerette smelling redneck couple walk by and I guess I made eye contact with the dudes wife and as I pass the dude turns around and says "HEY! Were you looking at my wife" so I told him "trust me, nobody is looking at your wife" and they just said some shit and walked away. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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axrw2h
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{
"description": "saying this to a female superior",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for saying this to a female superior?
|
Its freezing where I am currently. In elevator leaving work, female superior of another team gets on with me. She is wearing a very short skirt. Its notably cold outside, but sunny. I noticed and stupidly said "wow you're crazy for not wearing long pants in this cold". She responded "well the suns out at least". She didnt seem bothered, but I instantly had regret thinking it may have been inappropriate. AITA? If I am, I'll apologize tomorrow morning if I may have made her uncomfortable.
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HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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ae82hj
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"description": "not taking my daughter a concert last minute at the expense of another child",
"pronormative_score": 93,
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|
AITA For not taking my daughter a concert last minute at the expense of another child?
|
So this actually happened in October and I really thought I made the best decision at the time. But it's now January and seeing how things have become, I'm wondering if I was actually so wrong. I'm using a throwaway.
I have an extremely high conflict ex-wife. Last June, I finally got 50/50 custody of my 13 year old daughter. I spent thousands of dollars in lawyer fees and actually moved so she would have her own room.
So here is the main situation. My daughter and my stepdaughter (who is also 13) are HUGE Taylor Swift fans. They are obsessed with her. Don't ask me how but I managed to get three tickets. These were supposed to be each girl's only birthday gift from us. Both girls were so excited they cried.
A week before the concert my ex calls me and says she got her own tickets for the concert and she was taking my daughter. I was pissed off as hell but it was technically her custody day so I didn't have any way to fight it.
So I offered the extra ticket to my stepdaughter's best friend instead.
The concert date comes and in the morning I get a call my ex saying that the tickets she bought were fake and that I had to take my daughter instead.
At this point my stepdaughter and her best friend had a sleepover, watching Taylor Swift videos all night and just getting themselves excited out of control. The friend's mother wasn't even in town because we agreed to keep her the weekend.
I could not for the life of me tell this child that she couldn't come and that she had to stay at home while someone else went.
I thought of sending the three girls themselves and wait outside but no one agreed that they should be sent to a concert by themselves.
I had to do the extremely shitty thing of telling my daughter while she was bawling her eyes out that unfortunately she couldn't come this time but I promised her I would take her and only her the next time Taylor Swift is on tour.
Of course, this didn't calm her. We went to the concert. The two girls had a blast while I was absolutely depressed. My phone was buzzing all night with phone calls and texts from my daughter.
I could not salvage the situation by trying to take her to a different city because that was the second last North American date. I could not find tickets.
Ever since then, my life has become absolute shit. My daughter refuses the 50/50 visitation that I fought years for. I tried to get it enforced and the cops ask me if they want to drag her kicking and screaming. Of course not. So it's back to weekend visitations except she doesn't want to them at my house so I see her at my parents' instead.
My daughter has done a total 180 in her attitude towards me. We used to be so close. Now, she is rude and disrespectful to me and will bring up the concert literally every time we meet. She has cried to my parents about how we treat her stepsister better then her, which is completely untrue.
The worst has been my daughter turning her friends in school against my stepdaughter and her friend. They literally had no fault in this. But they are now isolated and bullied in school. My wife and the friend's mother are furious and we've been fighting a lot.
I understand my daughter is upset but this was completely out of line. She has always been a sweet kind girl. This is completely out of character. And I can't even discipline her for it. My ex even refuses to allow me to take her to therapy.
My father told me yesterday that they changed their will so most of the inheritance will go to my daughter because they are afraid I wont be fair when splitting it up.
It's their money and they can do what they want with it. But the meaning behind this move really made me depressed. I love my daughter more than they can imagine.
Seeing everyone pile up and blame me is really making me wonder if I really did such an asshole thing?
I'm paying the original child support. It will go up because I have my daughter less then before. We are stuck in a house with higher mortgage payments that has an extra room no one is using. And my poor stepdaughter and her friend are being bullied. This breaks my heart the most.
I thought I made the right choice. But maybe I should've broken that girl's heart for the "greater good"? I didn't think it would get as bad as this.
TL;DR My ex said I had to take my daughter to a concert last minute using a ticket I promised to another child. I said no.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
XfTAppFovSbDhUkQTnXGYds5zJPfuS4w
|
ame9sd
|
{
"description": "being annoyed with my roommates hacking coughs",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being annoyed with my roommates hacking coughs?
|
So, bit of a back story, my roommate got sick and has bronchitis. Obviously she can’t help it, the cough itself isn’t the main problem, but my issue with this is she won’t close her door at night. (This has caused issues for other reasons, such as being loud with friends or her not turning off her alarm). If her door is closed the sound isn’t that bad, and certainly doesn’t wake me up at night, but my door is broken and I can hear everything clearly. She stays up very late at night, so I have been waking up at 2-3 in the morning everyday for the past week because she won’t close her door and her coughs are VERY loud. Since I have 2 jobs and school, sleep is very important for me, I have been unable to fall back to sleep so basically I’ve been living off 3-4 hours of sleep a day.
I’ve asked her to close her door before, for other reasons, but she doesn’t think it’s a big deal and didn’t take it too seriously. I’m not sure if I should approach the issue because I am pretty sure I would look like an asshole.
So, give me your opinion, AITA/WIBTA if I confront her?! If so, how can I confront her about this without looking like an insensitive douche?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
I6NvzpUhZgdYWaQsVGXPGRVdDYzYD0fa
|
auryu7
|
{
"description": "getting upset over a haircut",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset over a haircut?
|
I am 17 years old turning 18 years old in a little more then 7 months and today I had gotten my haircut. I’m suppose to be meeting with a girl who I like this Wednesday alongside her Sisters and mother, my mom didn’t trust me to meet them going by myself so she insisted that she comes with me to meet the girl and her mother which I am fine with. But she told that she refuses to go with me if I didn’t get my haircut and if she doesn’t go then I can’t go since I have no one else to take me (I can’t drive yet) I like a lengthy amount of hair but my mom doesn’t and think it’s makes me look “homeless” which I have never heard anybody say I look homeless or seen people make that accusation besides her. I personally think I look more my age with my hair. But when I get a haircut I just get a sudden drop in self esteem and when I look in the mirror I don’t feel good about myself and I personally think it looks bad for and it doesn’t seem like “me” if that makes sense. I often end up in a bad mood which my mom notices and it leads to big arguments. I forgot to mention that either way I would’ve gotten my haircut eventually but I only got it sooner because of me meeting my crush this Wednesday and I’m honestly kind of scared of meeting her now. Because I don’t feel good about myself anymore. I hate more that I don’t really get much of a choice either or some sort of compromise even though it’s MY HAIR. Am I just being dramatic?
TLDR: Suppose to meet a girl Wednesday, my mom basically forced me to get a haircut and I don’t feel good about it and now my self esteem is kind of low
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ml6kgBc1JyJbpzDhLpqELLeWY6FHRthg
|
a6m673
| null |
AITA So I went to see Mortal Engjnes and for the last 15 minutes or so a kid maybe 6 years old was snoring very loudly right behind my seat. I tried to say something to the people behind me with no reaction. When the movie ended, I complained to the father who told me I should have moved.
|
When I said that letting the kid snore so loudly was disrespectful to my basically 3 or more rows, he just told me to shove it.
I should point out that the father was pretty aggressive and leaned on my seat as if he were about to punch me.
I think that he should have woken his kid or taken him outside.
The grandfather was there as well and looked like a nice person but he told me “you know kids!”. Well yes but why do kids always have the priority? Fuck your kids, I want to see the movie and if he’s sleeping he can go out.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CAeRzDPdhe5UK1h0YQt4cQBvjvOgEwEo
|
aymmfr
|
{
"description": "making a joke that possibly caused my friend and his girlfriend to break up",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making a joke that possibly caused my friend and his girlfriend to break up?
|
Calling him John. Me and John been friends since he was in middle school. One of my best friends, really close friends. We would always do childish stuff like moan or yell “pass the weed” if we were on the phone with our mom. As we got older it turned to stuff when we were around (or OTP with) our gfs/exes we would say stuff like “which one is that?” Or we’d name drop a friend of theirs as jokes. All the people in the past have caught on and understood that it was jokes so it has never been an issue. Now him and his current gf have been together for 3+ years. She knows the deal because we (all of our friends) do it a lot to each other. So We’re all cool with his girlfriend (despite her calling us gay for our friendship), but it’s not like we’re calling or texting her but if she’s around or OTP We’d say hi and have a quick conversation. So recently I went to his house to chill and talk about something and she was on FT w/ him. I heard her voice and said “oh is that Sierra (his and girlfriend friend) you need to tell your girlfriend about her already (the type of things we all say constantly) then I laugh immediately like I always do then she says “tell gorilla to stop playing right now” she sound mad so I assume they were arguing and he looks kinda mad. He said he’d call her back and catches me up. Apparently she thinks he’s cheating with Sierra (he’s not) and they were arguing about it just before I came. She calls back a few minutes later and they go back at it and she says “see even your friend knows” he says “you know he’s joking” and I basically see that as my cue to leave. I dap him up and leave and they’re going at it. Last time I seen him he was mad and just basically called me an asshole but in a passive aggressive way. I think they might of broken up and my “joke” added fuel to the fire. I just didn’t think to much about it as it’s something we always do and usually she’s would say that he’d cheat with us before another girl, or joking say “oh is that right John I’m going to go find a new man right now” so I never thought she’d ever take it seriously. If it bothered her and she told him he would’ve told us. At the end of the day you guys decide. I don’t think I did anything wrong given our history but I could be wrong.
TLDR: joked about my friend cheating, in front of his gf, with a girl that she already suspected of him of cheating on her with. This may have caused them to break up (or at least add to the reason).
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
F32zOCVZJCJmikGXzgCSipS0UXr1gbqY
|
acj8a4
|
{
"description": "telling my gf that I dont care about what she wants to eat at home",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my gf that I dont care about what she wants to eat at home?
|
My gf and I live together and I'm usually the one doing the cooking (which I dont mind), but lately my gf no longer wants to eat foods like rice, beans, eggs, ground beef or chicken . Which annoys me since I like these simple recipes I can make with these.
When I asked her why she doesnt want to eat these foods she states that that's all she ate when she grew up and she's sick of it but I also grew up eating the same thing (I know this since we share the same culture) and I'm not sick of it.
I wouldn't mind cooking other things but she never seems to know what she wants me to cook so I'm left looking for recipes that she might like and having to learn how to make them. I've tried to compromise but I'm tired of always having to make complicated recipes "cause they look good" so I've told her that I'm going to make what I want at times.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 10,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
iDNVSRW7Nq3MtJrpLaSIBRJYwW8LBoo8
|
a8doc3
|
{
"description": "letting my boyfriend's car battery die",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for letting my boyfriend's car battery die?
|
So this happened about a year ago. I still kind of cringe when I think about it. He picked me up from my apartment, and decided later that he would drive himself to work, and I would take the car back and leave it at my place, and I could come get him with his car at the end of his shift. Perfect.
Everything goes according to plan, he drops himself off and drive home. A few hours go by and it's time to go get him. I try to start the car and it won't start. I try again. Nothing. **Shit**, the battery is probably fucked (with my luck of course.) So I tell him and he gets really mad. So I go pick him up in my car and take him back to his car.
He told me the battery was drained because I'd left the headlights on. Now, it was the 2nd time I've driven his car, again, I took control of the car *after* he had already been driving it. It was mid-day, sunny and clear out. Unbeknownst to me, he turns his (manual) headlights on no matter what. The sun could be blinding from the north, south, east and west and he would **still** turn his headlights on. When I turned off the car and got out, it didn't make that beeping noise that cars usually make when you leave your lights on, and since it was bright out, I couldn't tell that they were on.
So to make the rest of the story short, he was **furious**, we had to end up jump starting his car. I offered to pay for a new battery, which ended up not being necessary in the first place, apologized profusely and felt like a huge piece of shit for like a week. Obviously this was in the past and it's all well and good now, but I still wonder from time to time if I'm really 100% to blame here.
In my defense, though, who turns their lights on in the middle of the day? And how was I supposed to know that, especially when his car wasn't alerting me when I was getting out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
IhkQON2aPK5wEbDhOGmherZhjr7j1KWV
|
a3kzur
|
{
"description": "making an offensive joke and keeping it up after someone that got offended told me not to",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for making an offensive joke and keeping it up after someone that got offended told me not to?
|
So, I was in health class a few years ago. I and my best friend recently finished our work and had nothing to do, so we started cracking edgy jokes. They were mostly the kind of stuff you would find on r/darkjokes, so I made a joke to my friend *whispering* in his ear, "When your dad beats you for eating the painkillers but you can't feel the belt." And we both burst out laughing.
But then this girl that was eavesdropping ***two*** seats behind me said that what I said was extremely offensive to her because she was abused by her father. So my friend stepped in for me and says that he was abused by his father too, and he didn't get offended by the joke. And then this girl starts telling me and him to stop, and right after she said that, my friend says "I'll stop when my dad stops beating my mom."
That's when we fucked up. She started crying and half of the class turned against us. They started yelling at us and telling me and him to apologize. So I say sorry, and this other girl says that it needs to be an actual sorry. From there I actually get pissed. If I don't actually feel sorry, a sorry that isn't heartfelt is more than enough that I owe, and got very to tempted to say something like; *I feel so bad that you were eavesdropping on us and got offended by something you shouldn't have ever heard.* but I just kept my mouth shut knowing that I would just get myself in more trouble.
So now that I discovered this sub I want to know, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 13,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
zYnXQU2TuYVBenKuuP1iQI1A3ASPV5l8
|
arqceo
|
{
"description": "waiting until I had all my things put away before moving out of line for the next person to be serviced",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for waiting until i had all my things put away before moving out of line for the next person to be serviced?
|
In today's world no one seems to ever wanna slow down and take a minute to ensure the task is thoroughly complete before shoving you out of the way for the next person. This can be witnessed at the checkout line, the post office line, the lunch lines in school, DMV lines, practically anywhere there is a line of people waiting. I get that technology is changing the way things are done and helps speed up the world in many useful ways. However, when I'm standing in line and I have to take my wallet out of my purse to pay for an item and I have to wait for my bags to be filled and the cashier to hand me my change ( or my receipt if I paid with credit), and I have to put the receipt away and my card or change back in my purse, I do not move out of the way until everything is fine. That's not too say I take my time doing so, I just don't move out of the way the minute they start ringing up the next person if all my stuff isn't put in my wallet and my cart, until it is. I always turn to the next person in line and apologize.
However, this particular time the words of frustration escaped me before I could stop them. The scenario is the same, I'm putting my stuff away and the cashier starts ringing up the next person when the cashier turns to me and says, "excuse me, would you mind moving somewhere else to do that (by that he meant put my credit card away) so I can finish ringing up the next person?" I just looked at him and said, "I'm sorry sir, I'll just be a minute." and turned to the lady behind me and said, "I'm sorry ma'am, I'll be on my way in just a sec, sorry for the inconvenience." She seemed fine with it and said no problem at all, the clerk, however, seemed rather annoyed and couldn't control it. As I was walking away he said to the last that was behind me," I'm sorry ma'am, some people are just so inconsiderate of others!" I wanted to, and I almost did, but just like the clerk, I couldn't control it so I turned to him and said, "do yourself and everyone else a favor. Go buy yourself a pocket dictionary and pull it out before you use words with more than 4 letters. You sir, are the epitome of inconsiderate!!!" I wished I could have basked in a glorious moment, but as soon as I said it, I felt bad for doing so.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
5Ydih7HsRs08uZrJhywLF0W1uwB3H3nd
|
a40322
|
{
"description": "putting school before a birthday",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for putting school before a birthday
|
So my SO’s birthday weekend happens to fall smack dab in the middle of final exam season for me. It sucks, but it’s out of our control. I already told her I’d for sure be there on the day of her actual birthday, which is going to be an all day affair (she’s turning 21)
Now, in regards to the other 2 days, I told her I might not be able to spend he entire days with her. I have a Chemistry final the Monday following that weekend, and a Statistics final exam that Thursday. She got mad at me for this. She said I have more than enough time to study and her birthday weekend should be about her, yet apparently I’m making it only about me and my exams.
I’m a pre-medical student, so my grade in these classes are LITERALLY a make or break for my career. I told her I’m not going to place my career in medicine second place to her wants. I mean, I already said I’m going to spend the ENTIRE Saturday before my exam celebrating her birthday with her, so I don’t see the issue with me missing the other two days to study. My Chemistry exam is on the 17th. Her birthday weekend is the weekend immediately before that.
AITA?
*a little backstory: SO is turning 21, I’m a 22 year old army vet (turning 23 in 3 weeks). I have a significant amount of life experience over her and I feel this reflects every time she gets mad at something minor. She can’t handle being told “No,” and I am not the type to not say “No” if it’s what needs to be said.*
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
DMcKZtHMlGgqB1LD5Ru0gwxjqzomzimY
|
apht1c
|
{
"description": "wanting my last name spelled correctly",
"pronormative_score": 41,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my last name spelled correctly?
|
I have a fairly complicated last name. It is long and most of the letters are unique (only appear once).
That being said, I've worked for my current company for a while now. My name is spelled properly in the Active Directory system. It's on all of my emails and my email address itself is firstName.lastName@company. We have one of those "work social media" things and it's spelled right there. They've almost never had an issue with it.
Just recently, however, they've been putting out documents to the office with my last name in them, and it is constantly misspelled. I'm even working under a new manager who mispronounces it because he's saying it in it's misspelled form. The most aggravating part is that it's close. It's like someone tried to spell it correctly and gave up halfway through. The first time I noticed, I brought it up and was told it would be corrected. Then it happened again, so I brought it up again and was told it would be fixed again. Rinse and repeat two times.
I just got another email with a document that has my name misspelled in it this morning, and brought it up in our morning meeting. Today I was met with, "Hey, you're still getting paychecks aren't you? It's not like we're calling you bad names. Don't worry about it so much."
Everyone else seems to be of the same opinion that I should just let it go. So am I really the bad guy here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
UgPIn2Xx3cKtrx7a462yf8NotFIwm04o
|
ba835w
|
{
"description": "telling my gf that if she prolongs our LDR, I will end the relationship",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my GF that if she prolongs our LDR, I will end the relationship?
|
My GF (21) and me (23) have been together for roughly 5 years now. After 2 years I moved away to study. It´s roughly a 5h ride, but we decided to give us a try.
Things weren´t always easy, but we managed and were super excited for this long distance relationship to finally end sometime this year. My GF actually made me say a few times, that when I´m back, we´ll move together, so I thought that this was the plan and I was excited about it, since being in a LDR for 3 years really sucks.
My Gf is in her first semester and kind of unhappy.
She doesn´t want to just study and then start working right after since that´s a "boring life".
She is now playing with the idea of moving to another country and staying there for maybe ~3 years or something like that. Yesterday was the first time I´ve ever heard of this idea.
I knew that she wanted to travel and maybe go to England for a year, but she has never spoken about going anywhere for longer than a year.
Now I really want her to be happy and believe that a relationship that started in such a young age, will only last if we both can do what we want to, and have no major regrets later on. Obviously, this does not mean that we can just hook up with other people, but you get me.
After she told me of her potential plans, I told her that I don´t think that I can stay in this relationship, if she leaves the country for a few years right after I came back. I told her that I wanted to try a LDR since I believed that 3 years are manageable and we both are young, but 6years+ is too much. If it would be 1 year, then sure w/e, I can manage. But any longer? I just can´t and honestly just don´t want to anymore.
She told me that I´m an asshole for telling her that since I had the chance to leave home, but she doesn´t get that chance.
I totally get her point. I grew a lot by moving away and I really think that it´s a great experience. But if I knew that this LDR would last 5; 6 or even more years, then I would not have agreed. We are together for 5 years, but we haven´t lived with each other for longer than maybe 1 month at a time. I don´t know if this relationship actually can last when we are living together.
I don´t want to wait until I´m at least 27 to find out if we can actually be together for good. By then I want to start talking about kids. I don´t want us to "waste" our 20s, because we are both stuck in a LDR, especially since this is our first real relationship, which makes this whole thing a lot more difficult already.
I really want her to do whatever she thinks she needs to be happy, but I don´t want her to be surprised if I end the relationship after she made the decision.
I also don´t want to influence her decision by telling her, that we won´t make another 3+years in a LDR. But I think it´s only fair, that she knows what I think and feel, or am I wrong/ an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
RAu0EzwgHudY0ovRVMlyplO7gmxZ2UVn
|
b940r8
|
{
"description": "telling my mother she is weird",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For telling my mother she is weird.
|
My mother has been acting really weirdly since a year, she has been very strict and whenever I do something that isn't "correct" in her sense she blames me for ruining her day.
For example: I have autism, and sometimes it is hard for me to go to school, whenever this happens she acts slightly frustrated but kind, but whenever my father or sister asks how her day was, she responds by saying I ruined it by not going to school. The situation that made me post this was about something that happened today. She was going through my younger sisters test week grades and talked about some very bad grades she had gotten infront of me then said "you are doing better then your sister" I then told her "normal parents don't compare their children" she then responded by saying "I'm more normal then you" this didn't really bother me that much because I am kindoff used to her passive aggressive nature, but it still kinda hurt me because i've really been dealing with some insecurity issues lately.
So I was wondering AITA? For saying she shouldn't compare us?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
BXhTUiUAOJ9QDNF35Ietn48u3HEwu6zg
|
b1lt9o
|
{
"description": "getting the loudest fan I could find",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for getting the loudest fan I could find?
|
So for those of you who live in places with seasons this might not make much sense to you, but here in Florida it is sweltering non-stop. I'm renting a room out of a small house near my university with someone I know from high school, and he keeps telling me not to turn the air down from 77 to 73 because it could break the AC. I told him that I was paying rent and the utilities were included with the number (which he just raised by 100 because he just moved to another city for a job and wants to buy another house out there), and he told me these were the rules and "buy a fucking fan". That didn't sit well with me.
Being in the computer science program at my uni has helped me meet a ton of different engineers, including one of my best buds who now works as a project planner/construction manager for a hospital. I asked him about the loudest fan he could possibly get me and he really came through with a fan that they use to dry floors which essentially sounds like a small air craft is taking off in my room. I told them that I got the best fan I could find so the AC shouldn't be a problem anymore. So for the past week I have put that fan on full blast while I am working on my stuff and they are starting to tell me that this needs to stop, and I just keep telling them "It's hot in my room but this fan really does the trick".
AITA for being petty after rudely being told to fix the issue?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
RqGEaTh14w5bsYnyfKiU7yUX9HAniJlt
|
ay7lit
| null |
WIBTA if a gave a guy a taste of his own annoyance?
|
Since I’m majoring in double media, I’m in the media classroom (we only have one) for more than twice a week and so is this guy who is also double majoring, I guess. The way our desks are situated means there are 4 PCS on one table, two on each side. I sit in the back next to no one else which is a bonus but this ~~fuck~~ dude sits right in front of me, where I can’t see him.
For some reason, he loves to rapidly bang on the table, which is the most annoying feeling in the world. Either furiously tapping, legitimately banging on the table sporadically or swinging his chair against it, he does it *all the time.* I don't know if he’s doing it on purpose but it’s so loud and so distracting and for multiple occasions, I’ve asked him to stop politely because I want to actually mind my own business. When I ask him, he doesn't continue for the whole lesson and I thank him. And I thought he wouldn’t do it again after the first time.
But no, *he continues every lesson from then on.* I don’t want to sound intrusive or be a bitch but when it genuinely distracts me from actually doing work, my demands get more agitated every time I have to tell him to stop. The thing is, nobody notices and I don’t want to bother the teacher with it because it seems so menial and stupid to think about. I seem to be the only one actively getting bothered by it and it’s so annoying. I also can’t move PCs because the classes are packed so there are no free computers and I legitimately want to mind my own business without any interruptions.
So, WIBTA if I did the same thing TO HIM? Just to give him a taste of his own medicine, for a whole lesson. Or at least do something about it without seeming like it’s a big deal? Just once though because I really don’t want to be seen as a dick, ~~like he is.~~
**TL;DR,** this dude keeps banging on the table distracting me and I politely tell him to stop whenever I can. The dude is still going so should I do the same just to give him a taste of how annoying it is?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
czyZWSzXVr24loMOd25dDmOLz5RaSuUP
|
9wn1ug
|
{
"description": "being upset my mom said she got me a car then hasnt given me the car",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset my mom said she got me a car then hasnt given me the car?
|
In Oct of 2017 my mother crashed her 2012 dodge challenger and supposedly got me a car, a 2012 Chrysler 200 that I quickly adored. I named it crystal, full pun intended.
She said that i could have it as fully mine when I could afford to take over the payments, which is fully valid and understandable. The thing is, she got it financed for 5 years at $400 a month. She did this knowing full well that i have a physical disability where I cant work enough to afford that any time soon, as I'm 18 living on my own with entry level skills and cant afford to get further education to make a better living. Well, more like my mother dropped me off back in my hometown with my brother who can barely support his self so I'm barely doing the same.
She was visiting last week, which was nice. She was staying with her best friend to help her after she had her reconstructive surgery, as she has had a double mastectomy from breast cancer. As i was driving home with my liscense i had gotten that morning, she was talking about selling the car but doesnt know what to buy when she does.
I offhandedly mentioned how that i really do need a car now, since shes taking her car back to NC when she goes back. She popped off with "hey its your car, I'm just using it till you can afford its payments" and i said something along the lines of "its not my car, its your car. I understand the sentiment of you calling it mine, and that's sweet, but its been your car from the start and you knew I wouldnt be able to afford to pay for it."
She was enraged by this. She yelled at me for about 5 minutes on how she hates the car and got it specifically for me and she absolutely hates it. Well, i just shut up at this point. Ive always been the kind of kid to tell her and show her my appreciation and love, but I flat out told her how rude it was even in good meaning but not thought out or taking enough Things into consideration. And for the honesty its made me feel like a piece of shit son.
Am I the asshole here? I can understand why, but there's also parts of me saying that I'm not but that could be pride/ego.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
8TXRfS0xHSgEUZcf3R8Fcsro0oOjMoyD
|
a5zgy3
|
{
"description": "decreasing a groups grade",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for decreasing a groups grade?
|
For context, I'm currently in a statistics course in which, for the final project, we have to go and collect data and use it effectively. All data collection must be random and this is on the rubric.
A few days ago I was asked to fill out a survey about a fairly contreversial topic for a group who we'll call Z from here on.
So i fill out this form honestly but the third question (open ended mind you) asks how you would fix the topic of interest. I write out that I do not believe that this topic is an issue and list a few reasons why.
I give Z the form back and after a few minutes they come back and tell me to keep the survey because of what I wrote for the third question.
Now to the assholeish part. Since we all have to give a presentation on our results at the end and are graded by our peers, I plan to give them a shitty grade for data collection and ask questions to "expose" Z in front if the whole class.
Am I taking this too far?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
4lB0fxTc3DpQHGfqfkpHFOUDRD3RSlNZ
|
ax0os6
|
{
"description": "telling someone I didn't want to be lifelong friends / can't handle the intensity of our friendship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I told someone I didn't want to be lifelong friends / can't handle the intensity of our friendship?
|
I met someone at the start of my freshman year of college, aka 6 months ago, who seemed somewhat lonely. The more I got to know him, the more it seemed like he didn't have any good friends. At first this was a hunch, but I came to realize that many people knew he had autism and thus distanced themselves. That upsets me still.
We started out as coworkers and one day I said something along the lines of "that's what friends are for right?" one day after work. It seems like it hadn't registered to him that I'd been acting as more friendly to him than I had to other coworkers. From then, we've become good friends.
He's a good guy. He has a very bright life ahead of him. I do enjoy hanging out with him time to time, but... Things have gotten a little stressful. He calls me once, sometimes twice a day. He has some magic way of finding me wherever I am and giving me massive, exaggerated hugs (even at formal or quiet events,) he always wants me to go over to his house for dinners (which usually lasts past dinner,) and recently he said he wanted to take trips to my house over summer break. He's come to saying we're like brothers and yesterday, he said he "could see a lifelong friendship developing."
None of this is unreasonable for friends, but I CAN'T HANDLE THIS. I'm one of the busiest people I know. The responsibilities I've filled my time with represent some of my greatest passions in life. And outside of work/class/my volunteer work, I have many other friends with varying degrees of connection. Not to mention that sometimes I just want to be alone with space to think, but he doesn't seem to understand that ("come over to my place, it'll help you relax!")
There's also just something about the intense way he refers to our connection. I like hanging out with him, I think he's a good guy... But I don't feel such a strong connection to be able to call him my brother. This may sound cold, but I don't know if I want any lifelong friends. Maybe one or two of my friends fit that bill, but he's not one of them. I'm extremely independent and with the vast majority of my friends I expend more energy hanging out with them than just being alone. For me to want to know somebody for life, something about them has to hit me, it's a very specific type of connection and I don't feel that with him.
I just don't know what to tell him. Whenever he mentions our friendship so passionately, I feel uncomfortable because I have to act like I feel the same way. Obviously I can't just break off the friendship, that would definitively be assholish. But I don't know if I should sit down with him and explain all these thoughts either... That would almost certainly hurt his feelings to tell him I don't want to talk to him everyday right? And saying I wouldn't be sure about being lifelong friends... I should probably leave that out either way right?
Please give me some guidance
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
ffwVDe8qwsb1IwAbWNX2ZZdQvPwmmedJ
|
ai70kc
|
{
"description": "involving myself in my friends' dating lives",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for involving myself in my friends' dating lives?
|
LTL;FTP, mobile, all that jazz
Hello reddit! ^~^
Context first: in my main friend group, two of my friends are dating each other. We'll call them Alex and Bradley. Bradley and I have had issues with each other in the past, usually stemming from the way that he treats other people. According to him, he has a disorder that converts stress into pain (conversion disorder, for those interested). Because of this, he usually refrains from feeling/expressing any emotions, even those outside of stress. This wouldn't be a problem if he could figure out how to still be nice to people, regardless of how he feels (or doesn't). A good example of this would be that at one point, he made a joke to a more distant friend about selling nudes of another close friend, we'll call him Jack, in exchange for borrowing a calculator. When Jack found out about this joke and was understandably upset, Bradley continued making jokes. It took three of us ten minutes of telling him that his actions were inappropriate, he hurt a Jack's feelings in a serious way, and that he needed to apologize, for him to finally give a measly "sorry bruh" (direct quote, by the way). Issues like this happen a lot of the time, and almost always involve him refusing to understand that his actions are hurting other people (even when directly informed)
Now, on to the main issue.
I consider myself and Alex to be close friends, and they have told me they feel the same way. In Alex and Bradley's relationship, Bradley's refusal to recognize when he is hurting others causes frequent issues. When that happens, Alex will often vent to me. The issues range from accidental hurt feelings to deliberate, admitted manipulation. Alex has BPD, which makes them what most would consider "high maintenance" as well as easily hurt, and easily manipulable. Bradley knew about this before the two of them started dating. Bradley also thinks himself to be an expert on any and all mental illnesses, to the point where he says he "cured (his) own depression but then gave it back to (him)self again because it was boring not being depressed". He tries to cure Alex of their BPD, manipulating them using the silent treatment, among other things, to try to basically train them out of their behaviors. I have BPD as well, which is one of the big reasons Alex vents to me - I understand their point of view better than an otherwise mentally healthy person would. Bradley feels that Alex is too sensitive and impulsive because of their BPD, and is trying to fix them. I feel that what he's doing is hurting them, and he isn't a licensed therapist, and so he needs to just be more considerate of their feelings (or end the relationship if he can't handle dating someone like Alex)
Now, I know if I were just shoving my nose in out of the blue, I would be the asshole. Toxic relationship or not, it wouldn't be my business. However, before doing anything, I asked Alex if they wanted me to intervene, and they said yes, and that they appreciated having someone try to defend them. They also said that it might help Bradley to understand what he was doing wasn't OK if it was coming from an outside point of view.
Bradley, however, does not know that Alex is OK with me involving myself. He sees it as me sticking my nose into places it isn't wanted, and has started treating me somewhat badly because of it. I can clearly tell that from his point of view, I am the asshole. But from mine, he's the asshole. So, reddit, what do you think?
tldr: Two friends are dating, pretty unstable relationship. One asked me to help try to keep the peace between them, the other sees me as rude for sticking my nose where it doesnt belong. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
RMM2m0STXaKoiLdXum2my0TzmcHf9tr3
|
ay0ze9
|
{
"description": "boxing a car in",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for boxing a car in?
|
I can into work this morning, and there was only one parking spot left near my office (it shares a parking lot with 5 other businesses) but a car next to the spot had parked over the line, I managed to fit my car into the space but they definitely can’t get into their drivers side anymore, but I get out to double check and they do have decent space on the passengers side.
Shortly after I clock in a man knocks on our door wanting to talk with me and chastises me for parking so close to his wife’s car and to be a “better neighbor”, I halfheartedly say it was the only spot left near my work, but I feel horrible, and in general am not very good with confrontation. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
M7Z0ru3pL6Q8O2vWBTsPZ9a8XkBspid7
|
b33mc4
|
{
"description": "not liking my mom",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not liking my mom
|
My mom is always nagging, nitpicking and calling me the ugly child, the unfit one, the one who wastes money and what not. I never let her words get to me because it’s been more than a decade since she has been bringing me down like this. I have even stopped talking to her but sometimes, out of courtesy, I end up calling her and I regret it the very instant. She doesn’t care how my day went or how m I doing, she only has to spoil my mood some way or the other. Not even once have I ended a call with her on a happy note. I always have to hang up because she gets on my last nerve for literally the most random things. I have tried to mend things with her in the past but she is very hurtful and mean.
I surprised her in January this year and she asked me to leave after 3 days. I stayed in a hotel for rest of my stay, I was really hurt. Now she has the audacity to ask me to come home to meet her. This really bothers me awful lot. I respect and value all that she has done for me as a parent but nothing more. Other than that, I hate her. There are many instances where she has proven to be a downright disgusting human being. Sometimes I wonder how m I even her daughter because I’m nothing like her. I hate that I am her daughter. I also hate that this is going to stick around for life.
So, AITA for hating her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
eNzV3qZbhFftX52njmmrXKRpGzpab0di
|
atz6rv
|
{
"description": "calling my gf's brother weird when she called my brother scary",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling my gf's brother weird when she called my brother scary?
|
Me and my gf were talking on the phone, she was venting about her cousin being very condescending towards herself (eye rolling, talking rudely) I highlighted the fact that her cousin did the same thing the last time I dropped her off at her cousins house.
I left my car running (push button start, took fob with me), and kinda parked badly as there was a bunch of snow on the curb and I didn't want my GF to walk thru snow to get out, so I was like my cars running when they asked if I was coming inside (11:15 pm). The cousin said something with a very bitchy tone to the likes of "its only a couple steps away." I dismissed it and was whatever. That wasn't the first time she's been somewhat rude to me. First time was when we all went out for dinner, and both of her cousins were extremely bitchy towards me and talking down when I was surprised that the restaurant had off menu items.
When my gf was venting to me, she said something about thinking that her cousin was on her period or something. I was like yeah she's very condescending towards you and me. My gf gets pissed at me and says you can't say anything about them.
I bring up how she talks shit about my SIL and brother. She was like no I don't, when in reality she called my SIL a bitch and stuff. Then I brought up how she called my brother scary and that it pissed me off too. Then i said how would you like it if I called your brother weird? ( He calls his mom and sister babe, thus ruining the word for me completely, as in I cannot use it whatsoever to refer to my GF. Tries to be vegan to the point of not eating a bun but eats ice cream).
She got really pissed off and was like I didn't say anything bad about your brother, why would you say that about my brother. I was like well you're being a bit hypocritical.
And we ended the conversation with her texting our safeword to stop arguments and when we need time alone. I replied with ditto.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
w8yQZy5BnFGVQYb3AmOl7p8nxH2mP5uj
|
aiejrm
|
{
"description": "not returning a dog I found/adopted to their previous family",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not returning a dog I found/adopted to their previous family.
|
I'm sorry if I'm a little descriptive with my writing... I want to emphasize the state of this dog, not to defend myself, but to give a clear picture of why I did what I did.
A few weeks ago I found a Lhasa Apso in my back yard. The dog has clearly been neglected for some time, as he had horrible mats on his face, the size of clementines where his mustache hair should be, a sharp plastic like mass on the bridge of his nose where his eye goop had coalesced, severe matting on his sides, stomach, and hind quarters, and was covered head to toe in his own filth.... The dog smelled like a sewer. The dog was wearing a faded collar that was rusty on the metal bits with no tags (name tag, or county registration/rabies vaccine tag as required by law), and attached was a 6 foot length of vinyl coated braided cable that looked to have been cut.
It was 22 degrees F outside and snowing hard, with about 2 inches of snow on the ground and this little dog was prancing around leaving brown streaks in the snow as he went. I managed to snatch up the lead he was dragging around and walked him up and down the alley to see where he would go, or see where his tracks led, but he was so excited by everything around, and cars had been up and down the street so I couldn't find his house of origin, and honestly with the state he was in I didn't want to.
Since there was no way this garbage dump of a dog was going anywhere near my car, I brought him inside and cleaned him up. I gagged from the smell as I bathed him but he was agreeable the whole time, and even while I picked twigs out of his mats and picked the dried dingle-berries of his hind quarters he didn't put up a fight.
I took him to a nearby shelter the next day and was turned away because it was a city shelter, and I had to turn him in to the county I found him in. They checked for a micro chip, which he did not have, and were clearly disgusted by the state of the dog. They didn't say anything specific, but asked me if I had taken pictures, and advised me to keep the collar and lead to give the other shelter "Just in case the owners come back". The nearest shelter in the county would be closed by the time I got there so I would have to take him the next day.
We are now 3 days in, and I have been monitoring craigs list and stopping by near by vets to check for missing dog posts and found nothing, though at this point my motivation was to file animal cruelty charges. I found several ads for shi tzu dogs stolen in the area, but none for him ( he is much larger than a shi tzu and has inique markings).
In the days I've had him I noticed he has many bad habits that make it hard to adopt out. He barks when alone, he tears up anything he gets his teeth on, he has major food aggression, among other things. Things that are manageable or can be trained out, but not good news for a shelter dog, especially an older dog.
I took him to the shelter and I asked about adopting him. They were thrilled and told me there is a 3 day wait period while they monitor lost dog ads and give the owners a chance to claim him. They expressed concern over how I found him and took the lead and collar.
After 4 days (the shelter was closed due to the ice and snow, adding another day for the owner to seek him out) I got a call that I could come adopt him, but I had to pick him up between 3-6 PM or he would "No longer be available for adoption". I can only speculate what that means, but I assumed the worst and picked up the dog after work.
Fast forward a few more days. I'm walking the dog and an older woman and her 16 year old daughter come running up. The dog immediately recognizes them and jumps up to the daughter.
The mother tells me that it is her dog, and I tell her that I just adopted the dog and describe the way the dog was found. She tells me that I was lieing about the smell and filth on the dog, but she knows about the matting, and says she just had other things going on in her life. I had a long haired dog once when I was near being homeless so I can relate to not being able to afford a groomer, but a hair brush costs a dollar so I wasn't particularly moved. I told her that I needed to talk to my wife about it, because I can't just give up the dog without her input. She agreed and I took the dog inside.
I told my wife what happened, and that I thought they were nice enough people. The woman was very kind and the daughter seemed to really love the dog. We agreed to go out and discuss how we found the dog, why it was tied up outside, and give them the dog if they could assure us his conditions would improve.
That was the plan anyway, until we came back outside and the woman came running at my wife swinging, shouting "I'll fuck you up, you fat bitch, if you don't give me my dog back right now I'll beat your ass every day until you do you nasty bitch! You'll see a side of me you've never seen before!" as her daughter struggled to hold her back. My wife told her that we adopted it and he had clearly been neglected, and asked if she had called the police, which she had. My wife told her that since she was threatening her and trying to attack her she was calling 911, which she thanked us for so they could drag our "nasty dog stealing asses to jail". She shouted that she saw me sneak into her yard and cut the lead and run off with the dog as she went back into her house.
The police arrived and we both gave our sides of the story separately. We showed the paperwork and tags to the officer and he said that we followed the law to the letter and had no obligation to return the dog. I asked what she had told him about why the dog was outside in the first place in weather that cold. She told him that she had only put him out for 10 minutes (which is the legal limit you are allowed to leave a dog out in the cold in our county) until she saw me sneak in and take him. The officer said it wasn't his place to judge who's story was true based off hear say but noted she never called it in. Based off her time line the dog had been missing for 3 hours before I found him. When the officer asked her why there were no tags found on the dog she said that she "Keeps them inside where they are safe" but could not produce them when asked.
I have always taken in strays, and made my best effort to find them their homes, or find them new homes if I cannot. I have 3 cats, and 2 bearded dragons (and 2 room mates) from this habit. I really was not in the market for a dog, especially one with behavioral issues that need to be worked though, and ultimately don't think I will be keeping the dog after I have done what I can for his behavior. I have been wracked with guilt over the whole thing. I am NOT happy about taking away a young girls dog... but there is no way that dog is going to go back to them.
I stand by my decision to keep the dog, and my friends and family say I did the right thing, but I hope to hear the judgement of an unbiased group.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
4usoX3GHY4syJUHfrl9hdeMEOs9T84om
|
9x43n3
|
{
"description": "taking first sip of beer",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking first sip of beer.
|
Background: 13 year relationship with my fiance, some points off and on, but mostly on. Live together in a house we bought, have a dog, etc. I don't like beer, but always like to taste everything for science.
Lead up: Go out to dinner at a pub. Reviews said service can be slow. I order water, she orders random draft beer. I get my water right away, it takes her 15+ minutes to get the beer. We are sitting next to the bar and see those drafts going out left and right, seems like just busy. Joke around, speculate why it's taking so long, having a nice time. During this wait, we are sharing my water and since she drank it last, glass was on her side of the table. Waitress puts beer in front of me as from her perspective it made sense since I didn't have a drink in front of me.
Incident: She walks off, we look at each other. A few seconds go by, fiance doesn't reach for her beer, I decide to do it for her and decided that while I have the beer in my hand(all about efficiency), might as well take a small(really small) sip to taste since I would do it at some point anyways. Put the glass on her side of the table and see her giving me a "look". Demeanor immediately changes and I start getting the cold shoulder. A bit confused, try to pry out what's wrong, but just silence. After a few minutes she asks me do I really not realize how rude I just was. I am still not 100% sure what I was rude about, but obviously something to do with me tasting her beer.
Conclusion: Giving me cold shoulder for rest of the night, maybe 10 words exchanged max. Next day similar, again brings up that I was rude. I disagree. Me best guess is it's not that I had a sip as we share food all the time (see water above), but maybe it's because I had the first sip especially since it took so long to get to the table. I don't believe this exact argument has come up before in the 13 years, but she has expressed annoance if I try to eat off her plate at the same time as she has a fork in her own plate (so fine sharing as long as I am not disrupting her creating a "perfect bite") AITA for taking the first sip or overreaction on her part?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
th1ifTaq5jqXUF6u55sVeHTMNK8WtEcd
|
9tq0is
|
{
"description": "acting like this in a game",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for acting like this in a game?
|
So I was playing an MMO by myself as I often do since I don't have many friends who play it, a couple of other players reach out to me and invite me to their group so that we could hunt monsters together, I tell them I'm not very experienced at playing in a group but they reassure me it'll be fine.
​
We went, hunted, it was fun, I was all hyped up to finally have people to play with. We all disconnected for a bit to go have lunch and I said I needed 30 minutes to eat and take some medicine, they said they would wait so we'd all continue afterwards. In exact 30 minutes I come back and I see 2 new people in the call, I notice them talking and realize one of them is there to supplant, well, me, I was way too shy to ask anything about it so I sent an in-game PM and the guy told me "you were taking too long and we didn't know if you'd come back so we invited them, but you can go in the next hunt with us". I told him to piss off and that they were a bunch of jerks, he seemed rather surprised with my reaction, I didn't play with them again.
​
I know I'm not very emotionally stable, I have self esteem issues and an inferiority complex so I get very offended by what would seem like otherwise minor offenses, another acquaintance of mine told me it was nothing wrong and that my reaction was overblown, so I don't know, was it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
qUwHj2uAmH4Am8kAGy6kKkB4XIJ2hDyV
|
ampcjw
|
{
"description": "telling my mom my dead father was a bastard and that I was better off without him",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my mom my dead father was a bastard and that I was better off without him?
|
Two bits of background: I (m24) recently broke up with my girlfriend (f25) of 3 years because she was abusive and manipulative. She belittled me, threw things at me, and would try to convince me I was making it seem worse than it really was. Also my father died of pneumonia when I was 5 and I do not remember a thing about him. I was raised by my mother who did damn good job. We have a solid, positive relationship and we've never had a blowup fight like this before now.
​
I told my mom about the break up and about why, without getting to specific. My mom was upset because she really liked my GF and hoped we would eventually marry. I told her that while I was still upset now, I didn't doubt that I would find someone else, thinking she was just worrying about my being lonely.
​
My mom then told me that she hated how people “treat relationships like paper towels” and throw them away as soon as things get a little rough. I told her a little more about , letting her know that it wasn't on a whim that I had left her. My mom told me that If we had stayed together my ex would have probably stopped the abuse and we could have settled down together. I was getting kind of mad now because my mother was telling me I should have stayed in an abusive relationship. I told her that abuses don't usually stop abusing and if we had married, did she want her grandkids being raised by an abuser? She kept shrugging it off and saying we could have worked things out.
​
Then I asked her if she would stay in a relationship with a man who called her an idiot and threw things at her. She said if she hadn't, I would never have been born, because when she married my father he did hit her a few times. I was shocked because I had only ever heard good things said about my father. She told me that if they ever got into fights it sometimes ended with a slap across the face, but that after she had me, he almost never hit her.
​
I was still pretty pissed from the rest of the conversation and said “If any of that is true, then no, you should not have stayed with that bastard long enough to have me.” She flipped the fuck out and started yelling at me that he was a good man and would have been a good father to me. I said I was probably better off without his influence in my life. We kept arguing and soon I just left and went home. This was yesterday evening and I haven't talked to my mother yet today and don't know what to say. I know she's wrong for trying to defend two abusers. I also know that what I said really upset her. I feel bad about making her feel bad, but I really did mean what I said. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
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