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tTuZfL6qCOnGjUnUaRDiQuxXBRJPlbGN
|
9v85ak
|
{
"description": "telling the brother of my long distance GF that she's been drinking and driving",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA Because I told the brother of my long distance GF that she’s been drinking and driving?
|
In the past thirty days, my girlfriend has either driven home drunk or has attempted to three times. Once successfully with a car full of friends, another time she was stopped by her brother, and again two nights ago before her friend told her to stay at her house instead. We maintain a long distance relationship which makes it easy for her to ignore me when I try to talk to her about this. I get upset that she could be so careless, and since she feels like I’m lecturing her, she hangs up. Realizing that I am not being taken seriously, I decided two nights ago to tell her brother about it all, in hopes that she’ll listen to him. When she discovered what I did, she became furious, telling me it wasn’t my place, and saying that I’m overreacting and that she knows her limits and that she felt fine to drive each time. I had a zero tolerance policy on this, since she lives in a major city and Uber is so readily available, AND I have offered to pay for her Uber every time she needs it rather than her risk the drive.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
8zS0JDP7eg7hGqisxLfZpq8Bze09H8KF
|
agaloc
|
{
"description": "being disturbed by my skeletal teacher or is it a normal reaction",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being disturbed by my skeletal teacher or is it a normal reaction?
|
I fell in love with Ashtanga yoga a couple years back thanks to an amazing teacher who now has a different schedule. There are 2 other choices, a guy whose classes are uncomfortable full and who unintelligbly barks out poses like an auctioneer on red bull and this other lady who I heard good things about.
I have gone to her class 3x now and her teaching style is fine but my problem is I am distracted to the point of not getting what I should out of class because she is skeletal. I dont mean skinny, I mean there is no explanation for this womans appearance besides anorexia or chronic illness. She is bone and sinew and skin and her hips are more narrow than my 3rd graders. She looks like a holocaust victim, except wearing heavy full face makeup and neck to ankle workout clothes.
I have a hard time looking at her, frankly, and even listening to her reminds me of how she looks because her voice is raspy. I should be focusing on my breath, clearing my mind, focusing my energy, and instead I want to know what is wrong with her and whether anyone has tried to help her.
I am liberally minded, in a diverse area, and have never given more than a passing thought to people who are differently featured, abled, or of different body habitus than I. I am normal and do have passing snarky thoughts about people who have made unfortunate choices but generally I dont focus on appearance. I have searched my feelings and the best answers I can come up with are 1) most yoga/fitness instructors are fresh-faced examples of glowing health so the difference is jarring and 2) I am a natural caretaker and her appearance reminds me of that of my father when he was wasting away from cancer.
For my health and well being I need to go to yoga and am hoping that over time I will get used to her but my inability to stop focusing on her is kind of upsetting me. Is it a normal human reaction to be disturbed by someone who looks this way or am I just fooling myself about being judgmental?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
7oNCskHsrdL0WkU6yIuOTpP9UHarpIkG
|
azz4js
|
{
"description": "saying men shouldn't be sexually harassed",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for saying men shouldn't be sexually harassed?
|
My brother says it's okay for women to sexually harass men because at worst it's just annoying, but men can't sexually harass women because they're stronger so it's threatening. I don't think anyone should sexually harass anyone, but he says if women stopped doing that it would be depriving men of 'aggressive flirting' and that the only men who would be bothered by it are 'prudes.' Yet I'M the one that's frequently called a sexist?? So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
7Oj1EGKPJkFLcfawNAkwUvGW1OyAQhjb
|
b6fj6v
|
{
"description": "getting mad at how my friend acted in a strip club",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at how my friend acted in a strip club? (NSFW)
|
​
Im F (40) my friend is M (40). We'd been bf&gf on and off over the last 13 years. We've stayed friends and hung out when we weren't bf&gf, until the last 4 years, when we kind of drifted off and only saw each other out socially about once a month. We always still talked, and there are obvious feelings between us, but we never got back together again as bf&gf.
We met each other while he was living in my home country. He decided to return to his home country, for an undefined period of time, maybe forever. From the time he told me he was leaving, until he left,(only about 2 weeks time) we were in almost daily contact again.
A couple of days before he left, we got back together, romantically, and spent a really nice night together. We realized that we wanted to be together again, but with his new plans to leave, we obviously couldn't do that right away.
Another friend & I drove him to his home country. The plan was to hang out for a couple of days, and then he would stay and we would drive back.
The last night, we were out at some bars and my friend got really drunk and asked me if I wouldn't mind going to a strip club. He lied to me and said our other friend was who really wanted to go, and he wanted to go for his friend. I was pretty drunk, and I told him that although I had never been to one, I wasn't judging, that they were just working, and as long as he didn't leave me alone, or disrespect me, I would be ok with going.
As we were in a country that is not my home country, I had NO idea that the strip clubs where we were are actually brothels and clients can touch the girls.
My friend seems to be an out of control alcoholic. I learned what a gross drunk he is, when 1st, he asked a stripper to lift her skirt, and he kissed her on the butt. Ok...this is starting to not be so much fun. A little later, he asked a different stripper to sit next to him and spread her legs. She did. He then stuck his hand in her panties and started touching her.
At this point I freaked out, kind of smacked him in the shoulder and asked him what the hell he thought he was doing? I then proceeded to storm out of the club and my other friend and I waited in the car until he finally came out about 15 minutes later.
He refused to see why I might be upset. He kept drinking. I was really upset and kept bitching at him and accused of throwing away our friendship. We got back to the house, and there wasn't too much more talk. He basically was so drunk he couldn't talk.
We ended up leaving to drive back about 7 hours later. He never sobered up. We had a very sad goodbye, and just left him there. Everyone was crying.
Now its been a couple of weeks and we haven't talked since the day we said goodbye. His phone seems to not work there, and he hasn't contacted me any other way. I'm afraid he might be mad about how I acted in the club, and for yelling in the car afterwards. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
u7h0Ub8FhXpDjtGFcbKg0sLUpE1nmdjS
|
b2d85c
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my parents for being really strict, even if I live a pretty good life",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my parents for being really strict, even if I live a pretty good life?
|
Im a 18M who's lived a pretty decent life. I never had to worry about money or working, but still have a job. I also go to school full time and am also a student athlete for my school. I guess you could say that I was spoiled as a kid, but I was always grateful for the stuff that I received. Now I do believe that my parents care about me deeply, but I think they go about it the wrong way. Like imagine hardcore Asian tiger parent stereotypes of strict. Like they would get so mad at me for asking if I can stay out late that eventually I just stopped asking and stayed home the entire time. Recently I came home drunk (not wasted, but a little tipsy) and the went full on ballistic. I was 18 btw. And I didn't drive home that night either, I got a ride from a friend. And they've always been pretty strict about not being home (in middle and high school, I had to be home by 7pm. A 7pm curfew in high school.) Weekends were also a pretty big no-no. They were usually spent at home because "We are going to do something later", even though we never did. Also, I was often called an "unappreciative, spoiled brat" for wanting to spend time with my friends rather than my family. So AITA for getting mad at my parents for really limiting my social life if I had an otherwise pretty good life?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
t1NcaAmIW1ETFQ9NFaXGkTxXFGGyzpvw
|
arswpk
|
{
"description": "buying my SO's groceries",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for buying my SO's groceries
|
So my significant other and I have been together about five months, and they have been having money problems basically since the start. Some context: we are both college students and neither of us have a job but both are currently looking.
Thankfully, my parents are well enough off that they can afford to send me to college and provide some spending money with me only having to take out minimal loans every year. SO's family seems to have a bit less money to spare, but I don't know the full extent of their family's financials.
About a week ago, SO payed rent and only had about a $150 left in their bank account. I have been staying over most nights of the week and eating at least dinner at their place, so I thought it would be fair if I paid for some groceries. (I also pay for food whenever we order in, which might be 2-3 nights a week)
Recently we went to the store. SO has been very stressed about money and food so I told them I would pay. They seemed off put by this idea and said only if I insist, which of course I did. The rest of the shopping trip they were pretty quiet and distant. The total amount was around $15 because we were only getting essentials.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
tkDEyoargj8abWSsB04BXQCYcvRjcOP5
|
ay4s6i
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to a party",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to a party?
|
So I'm a pretty introverted and shy guy (18M). I'm also in my first year of university.For the most part, I keep to myself, except for my friends who mean best friends who mean a lot to me (19 M and 18 M). They're pretty extroverted. They want to go to a party on Friday night I have a midterm test that night (they wanted to go after my test finished) and I'm just honestly not feeling up to party. Last party I went to, I just felt awkward and out of place. Not to mention, the semester is rapidly progressing and there are some things that I desperately need to catch up on. I was looking forward to just chilling Friday night. Would I be an asshole if I told them I just didn't want to go? I'm afraid if I do, it may put a negative strain on our friendship.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zziRxN4xjzSdSqmhgt3zIi34RSdd9nw9
|
a8ofko
|
{
"description": "flicking my friend when he runs into me with his wheelchair",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for flicking my friend when he runs into me with his wheelchair?
|
We’re both in school, sometimes he will drive into me with his electric wheelchair as a joke (he has SMA). This is usually with his foot holder thing which is at the same height as my shins. So I then flick him in the arm or something. He then gets mad and says ‘stop flicking me’ that’s when I say ‘stop running into me’ so he runs into me again. Therefore I flick him again. Am I the asshole? I have said countless times to stop driving into my shins because it hurts really bad. I understand my flicks will hurt him too, but I think he is being a bit hypocritical.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
6yQjC8Sab4lYUy7cA217P1P7O1sbsnIu
|
apbo0v
|
{
"description": "telling my roommate to call her family outside of the room",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my roommate to call her family outside of the room?
|
Alright, this has been eating at me for a while. I live with one other person in a shared college dorm room. For the most part, things are fine. She has the habit of calling people quite a bit, but I don't really care, as I can just put my headphones in.
However, there was an incident that happened a little while ago involving a call from her sister, and at the time I didn't have my headphones available for whatever reason. She was calling her sister (on speakerphone, so I could hear everything) and they were talking about their mother.
Let's just say the conversation involved some... awkward points, such as her mother's relationship with her golf coach and how much her sister hated their mother. It got very detailed, and I felt not only embarrassed, but also incredibly awkward being there. She was fully aware I could hear too, so it wasn't like she thought this was a private conversation.
The next evening I asked her if she could please take her, ahem, "private" discussions with her family outside of the room, and her response was "it has nothing to do with you."
BITCH IT DOES WHEN I CAN HEAR IT ALL.
Anyway. Am I in the wrong for asking her to have these sorts of conversations somewhere where I can't hear them?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
tX4LPDZlIGdFjasdwscl0tr8mGzVKghW
|
9y6ag9
|
{
"description": "allowing myself to get caught up in my friends bullshit",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for allowing myself to get caught up in my friends bullshit?
|
This is a couple days old but I’ve been feeling conflicted about it since it happened. So a couple days ago as I was leaving one of my classes I say bye to my friend, and another friend we’ll call G says “wow, you aren’t going to say bye to me? Ouch.” She didn’t mean it in a mean way, but it’s pretty annoying, and this happens to me a lot. I turned around and awkwardly said, “oh, uhh bye?” It was painfully awkward. When I get home I put on my story a PSA saying “hey can you not do this” because oddly enough this happens to me at least twice a week from different people. Well, G got angry. Very angry. She texted me saying I don’t know how to take a joke and how I shouldn’t call her out on my story. At first I tried defusing the situation saying that I didn’t say it towards her specifically, but she was still pissed. That was enough for me and I ended up succumbing and got in a fight with her. For context, she has a really bad habit of constantly mocking my sense of humor and taste in music, saying that both are terrible any time I show anyone in her vicinity a meme or song, as well as just usually calling me stupid. She does this all under the guise of “sarcasm” and “joking”, and I ended up unloading all of my pent up anger about it on her. I really really *really* laid into her. At the end of my tirade I said verbatim “if you haven’t noticed, these past few days I’ve been purposely avoiding you, and I’d appreciate it if you did the same.” All she texted back was “thanks for making me cry, dickhead.” I left it at that. I came to mutual friends to try and get advice on the situation, and they all told me I was in the wrong for yelling at her and for putting the PSA on my snap. They all told me I had to apologize. I eventually relented because I realized I’d destroy my friendships with all of them if I didn’t, and so the next time I saw G I stumbled through an apology I didn’t mean, feeling totally humiliated. She thanked me and things have gone back to normal since, but when I mean normal I’m saying the continual bullying. Every once in a while she’ll give subtle hints to the things I said to her, throwing them back in my face, but never outright saying it. Am I the asshole? I feel like at any time I could’ve just apologized and ended it before it spiraled out of control, and I guess in retrospect the PSA was kind of passive aggressive, but I still feel like G’s response was out of proportion to the situation at hand.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
znYTg5LuehoccKG8iUlz0KVvGwSuN6qt
|
avx66q
|
{
"description": "stepping in my housemates arguments with her (ex)girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if i step in my housemates arguments with her (ex)girlfriend?
|
I feel like im gonna get told im just looking for validation or like i should just know the answer, but ive grown up with the mentality of minding your own business, dont but in, leave it be etc.
But i cant. I found out when my housemate and her ex were together the ex was at times physically abusive. My housemate is still in love with her despite the break up (ex initiated it and yet is still ALWAYS here) and wants to get back together but especially after finding out about the abuse, all im seeing is red flags.
Im the person who will strand themselves in an unfamiliar city with no way home because someone i was seeing MIGHT have hit me. I cant fathom staying with someone who actually does.
But thats what my housemate is like, she gets attached and even when she knows its wrong cant detach.
I only met them two days after they broke up when i moved in, so i never met my housemate when she was happy and settled. So far shes been grumpy and moody and drinking a lot, but shes also terrified of change and trust me when i say shes been through a lot of those in the last couple weeks.
So theyre broken up... And the ex is constantly around. Under the guise of finding the dog (puppy they got together was stolen) but shes here way too often and with her daughter even so i call bullshit.
ANYWAY they were arguing the other night, ex was yelling at housemate to help her look for the dog, housemate was saying no because she doesnt want to get in the car with the exs brother. Ex wasnt listening and eventually i (i was in the lounge 2 metres from the argument) spoke up and told ex that housemate said no so leave it.
It didnt help at all, just got told to butt out by the ex, but didnt escelate anything either. I later apologised to housemate for overstepping my bounds but she said it was fine and my other housemate thanked me because shes always been too scared to say anything. (Ex is one of those chicks who LOOKS like you dont want to be on her bad side. And ive seen evidence that she lives up to her appearance)
As much as im told i was fine and perfectly in the right to speak up, i still cant help but feel i had no right as it wasnt my battle to pick and im not sure its even any of my business, happening in my house or not.
(Further info, im on a months trial so i dont even officially live here yet)
AITA for stepping in on my housemates argument with her ex?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
6hM6st1SsyNwRksOq8gDak6VoHqAVmtH
|
b3ast4
|
{
"description": "installing solar panels that reflect into neighbours house",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for installing solar panels that reflect into neighbours house?
|
There's a fairly long backstory here but its relevant to the post so bear with me (TL;DR at bottom).
Our neighbours over the back bought their house a few years ago and proceeded to almost completely demolish it and rebuild it much larger. We were fine with that - there was a lot of noise and dust for a couple of months but it was only temporary. As part of the rebuild they installed solar panels on the roof, high level security flood lights and lots of windows (this is relevant later). This was all fine except one of the security lights shone right into our house. Next time I saw them, I asked them if they could angle it down a bit so it wasn't shining into our house. They moved it a bit but it still shines in. We've got used to it. The solar panels and windows also reflect the sun into our house from time to time. That's to be expected if you live near other people. Houses have reflective surfaces on them.
Then they asked if they could remove our hedge and plant a new one on their land. I agreed because TBF our hedge was a bit old and badly maintained. So then there was no boundary between our garden and theirs. Fine but their dog kept coming into our garden and leaving "little presents" and their kids kept knocking balls in and trampling our flower beds to get them. I mentioned this to them, they apologised but nothing really changed. I didn't bother mentioning it again.
They then asked if they could trim one of our trees that was overhanging their garden. I agreed and offered to do it for them but his brother is a tree surgeon so they said they wanted to do it - fine. We were out when the brother came round and we got home to find he'd removed 3 of the trees in our garden. I was annoyed but didn't say anything in the interests of neighbourly relations. They were self-seeded trees anyway, not as if we'd bought and planted them.
Then nothing else happened for a while. This year, we decided to have an extension built on our house and took the opportunity to have solar panels fitted to our roof as well. They were installed a few days ago and whilst they were still being installed, the woman from the back came round to complain to the builders that the solar panels were causing glare in their house.
I was pretty gob-smacked. They were complaining about something that they had installed years before us, not to mention the security light that ensures we don't just get glare during the day but through the night as well. I've just ignored it and haven't been round to see them.
TL;DR neighbours at the back install solar panels and security lights which glare into our house. Then complain about us installing solar panels that glare into their house.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 47,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 49,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
HsElQwEJD62Vyp4V8cYL117rkAZiGnFl
|
a76xqq
|
{
"description": "being worried about my girlfriend's father's attitude on race",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being worried about my girlfriend’s father’s attitude on race?
|
I am white and my girlfriend is black. She is the love of my life. Her parents (both black themselves) are kind to me but her father (a bank manager) hates young black men and Hispanics. He likes the fact that I am an engineer and said that a lot of blacks are wasters (he then went into racial slurs I am not going to repeat). I hugged my girlfriend a bit tighter that night because I am a bit worried that if my girlfriend and I have a black boy when we eventually have kids, her father might not love it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EZC1NRKrG1XsK9ezY9k4JFhHOKvngh5Y
|
a0lew9
|
{
"description": "chosing my friend over my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for chosing my friend over my boyfriend?
|
Hi, all!
I'm a girl and my best girl friend of the whole word is leaving the country to leave in Europe, she had a bon voyage party and my boyfriend made this big effort to go, because he does not like my friends at all. But he only stayed at the party for like 2 hours and then he needed to go home, I choose to stay to enjoy this last night out with my BFF. My boyfriend got really mad because he does not think it's right me for me to stay there while we came together to the party. I mean, he offer me to go by myselft several times and I did not accept and I was aware that he couldn't stay for a long time, but I wanna to enjoy the time with my friend and I did not know that he would do such a scene just because I was not coming home with him. Well, a big fat stayed at the party anyway and didn't even send him a message because I was so pissed.
So Am I the asshole for chosing my friend over my boyfriend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
OtV7euUxxvDiu21L0maPEOnj2olMCFff
|
ar36ui
|
{
"description": "standing up when an obese lady sits next to me",
"pronormative_score": 56,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for standing up when an obese lady sits next to me?
|
This is actually my first post, I really wanted to share this story because it has been on my mind for a week. I'm on mobile so I am sorry for the format.
To get to my school I have to take the subway, and transfer one or two time to get to my school.
So the first train trip I was running late, and instead of going to the last station, I went to the station before it to get to school close to onetime, even though it meant not getting a seat for my ride.
When I had to transfer trains, my legs were hurting from standing. (Also to the fact that I am on a sports team and my legs were killing me from doing a few laps).
This is the time I should explain the layout of the train. It had 3 chairs a gap and 2 chairs perpendicular to it I sat on a chair at the end of the 3 chairs, and a guy sat on the other end so there was a seat in between me and him. (This is important to note).
Stops go and pass until it was 2 to 3 stops until I reach my stop. The train is pretty crowded now, but the middle seat is still open. Then comes this lady.
I'm not trying to sound rude, but the only way to describe her was very obese. She proceeds to walk near to the middle seat. Note that the middle seat is for an average - lil thick person. But she puts down her bag. I though she was going to put her bag down to hold onto the pole. I was wrong. She begins to try to sit down in the little seat. She actually though she could fit in.
She sits on half of my leg. I kid you not half of my leg was enveloped by her leg. I was literally sliding out of my chair in the process. So I quickly stand up.
Lady: you dont have to stand up sweety theres enough room to sit.
Me: I'm sorry but you are taking up a part off my seat and I was getting pushed, it's fine if I stand for a bit
She didnt say anything to me after that, but muttered very loudly about me being rude and that I have plenty of room to sit.
Only one of two people stared a little at me, but it didnt matter as I got off in two stops. This made me think if I'm the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
pgjAERbRRP7oVzDv1fIUuQfIk1ZeS1xz
|
b2ptmj
|
{
"description": "expecting my friend to apologize after telling us to F off",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for expecting my friend to apologize after telling us to F off?
|
As a bit of background, my one friend is an extreme conservative. Radical right-wing. Everyone else in our friend group is liberal. Also, she was very self conscious but has become more defensive and starts conversations about politics at uncalled for moments all the time.
Note: all names are changed.
So, the night of the event. Friday night. This friend, Laura, texted, “oh my f*cking god. New Zealand will change their gun laws, idiots. Without guns the citizens now can’t protect themselves. Well sh!t.” My friend Amy just replied with a light hearted signal that she didn’t want to argue. This isn’t really important. I said, “Look, I’m not going to argue about this. Now isn’t the time to use death for a political agenda.” She countered by saying that she was just expressing her opinion and observing that the government was, “playing right into the terrorists’ hands.” At this point, I was pretty annoyed with her. Meanwhile, Amy is joking like, “I’m gonna kill you😂” because we argue a lot and we decided that for the most part it was best to avoid it. At the same time, I said, “they aren’t. And you are being an asshole to those who lost their lives and their families. Stop.” Not one text later, I said, “Sorry, I just don’t want to talk about this.” And she explodes. She told everyone to f*ck off. She said it sure f*cking looked like I was sorry. She told Julia, who was just innocently sending cute stickers like she always does, to f*ck off. She told all of us that she were the reason she was moving.
The next day, I apologized. Later, she said she expected everyone to apologize. No one else did anything wrong though. I told her this today, after she ignored us the entire day. I told her she was handling her problems poorly and also that if she wanted to remain friends, we expected an apology too. After all, those of us who were involved did the same. She said she wouldn’t apologize because she had an outburst because of what YOU (we, just showing for emphasis) did. Note that I only wanted her to apologize for telling her long-time friends to f*ck off. I’m fine if she believes the rest. Oh also when I confronted her about wanting an apology she claimed that she didn’t, but that was the point of not talking to us?? She expects us to do something, cause she is obviously not at all in the wrong? She blamed the fact that she told everyone to f*ck off... on us... and she is acting very entitled... and she is blatantly avoiding us (she has a whole plan for the week)... and I’m really p!ssed about it! Sorry for being lengthy, I wanted to explain in detail.
So... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
o40OJkNrJlkMhZDEBQAZz9D6PhXezvTT
|
9u1ktk
| null |
AITA because of the problems in my relationship?
|
I started dating my girlfriend around 16 months ago, last June. That August I went off to school in another state (5 hours away) and was having a lot of trouble finding any friends and it was really tough being completely alone. Eventually I met these two girls who were pretty cool and we would just do homework together or talk in class, and I mentioned to my girlfriend about how excited I was for her to meet these two girls and she was not happy about it at all. In my mind, I foolishly thought that I should just avoid causing problems and not telling her everything so that she wouldn’t worry that I was cheating on her. She inevitably found out a short time later when I let her go through my phone to find something and she saw I had texted them. What made it worse was that in part of a conversation with those two girls (in a group chat) they said something along the lines of “don’t be sad we love you!” to which I said “lol thanks guys love ya too”. When she read this she was devastated and was entirely convinced that I was cheating on her with both of these girls, especially in a sexual sense. She knows that I have trouble making male friends and that I’m fairly vocal about my emotions to my friends.
I’m not asking whether I’m the asshole or not in that situation because lying to a significant other, no matter the reasoning, is a dick move. I made a huge mistake and I completely accept that, this is my first serious relationship and I was foolish and ignorant of her feelings. After she found out I didn’t deny any of it and told her if she wanted to break up I understood but I would commit to complete honesty if she wanted to keep trying.
We ended up giving it another shot, and so I immediately blocked those two girls from everything I had and didn’t talk to them, effectively isolating myself. I constantly apologized when she would berate me and I would snapchat her constantly so she could see what I was doing. I understood why this was happening in the first few months but now that it’s been exactly a year since it happened, I don’t really know if I deserve the verbal abuse anymore. I still haven’t found any more friends, to my dismay, and I’ve been absolutely and undeniably honest with her in my campaign to slowly earn her trust back.
Am I the asshole still for having caused the issue in the first place? Or is it not right for her to verbally attack me whenever she’s upset and let any argument lead back to how I ‘lust after other girls’. To make matters worse, whenever we start arguing she’ll hit me with “K.” texts over and over and over until I bother her enough that she says “shut the fuck up already” or something similar.
(And if I am the asshole, do you have any advice for mending my mistake? I know there’s no quick fix, I’m just trying to prove my honesty and show that I’ve changed since that lie.)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
44LHGr6YmZH9YU8BQLpmhpFzbx6UsnHi
|
aykh6m
|
{
"description": "taking a three week holiday",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking a three week holiday (one day happens to fall on my moms birthday)?
|
So it's been a few months since I've gone a vacation. I found a good deal on a Safari that I purchased, but realized I would end up missing my mom's birthday (granted I took her to Chicago last year). Granted the Safari packing only starts on certain days...I'd have to wait another month (not to mention my job doesn't always allow me to have three weeks off).
Am I the ass for not considering her birthday (we live in the same city)? I said we can celebrate it early but she doesn't like that. Granted I'm nearly 30 and should be able to make my down decisions but....I could be the ass in this case.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
m6FaGa4nPE4ZXh9NqWLt9FckhGgJW6Mf
|
b9eets
|
{
"description": "yelling at my friend for laughing at a girl who was crying",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for yelling at my friend for laughing at a girl who was crying.
|
So me(15) and my friend(15) were at a Christian camp and there was a girl(15) who liked him. So my friend and I decided to make a sort a joke out of it whenever she said or did something that showed that she liked him. We usually just laughed or said oof.
But on one of the nights at camp the girl said something at one of the bonfires about some sad stuff in her life and my friend turned to me and said oof. I'm usually a calm and collected guy but when he said this I just got really mad. Yelling at him that he was being a dick and that he should be more understanding.
But now that I look back on it I can see that I just yelled at him out of nowhere for something that we were both previously doing. Am I the asshole?
I did apologize afterwards but I dont think he forgave me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
M5cHO5eWfi8lWHHfBhbtUW9r3ipe65Xi
|
akf1so
|
{
"description": "scolding a delivery driver who asked my wife if he could enter the house",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 57
}
|
AITA for scolding a delivery driver who asked my wife if he could enter the house?
|
Last night my wife ordered Pizza. When it came she was 50 cent short so she told the man to wait and she will get it. He said it was raining could he come in. My wife said no and went to get the money. I was in the Kitchen cooking my dinner and she told me so I went back out to give him his 50 cent. When he was walking away he said something about standing in the rain, I said "excuse me you're giving out about standing in the rain and that a vulnerable woman said no to letting a strange man in her house, guess u were not expecting a man to come back were you?"
​
Today I wrote to a whatsapp group about the incident to say what a Prick and that I was going up the chipper to have it out with him how, dare he come to my house like that etc. Many on the group did not see my point of view. Am I the asshole?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 53,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 57
}
|
WRONG
|
NXK8B2HWGJ1zxDJXjQxNgO0GWUhBicRi
|
au52ib
|
{
"description": "refusing to participate in a conversation my friend is dominating",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA because I refuse to participate in a conversation my friend is dominating?
|
Sorry I’m on mobile, on a throw away, and that this is a long one.
My close friend and I are both very fiery, passionate people, as are most of our friends. However, when we have conversations, either between the two of us or with multiple people, she dominates the conversation. She’s constantly cutting people off to add on to one of her previous statements, or entirely talking over me or someone else when we’re trying to add on, refute, or interject.
She’ll go on a verbal tirade, and after finally taking a breath, get mad that “no one is contributing to the discussion.”
I’ve brought up to her that she bulldozes over me or someone else trying to start a sentence, and she just repeated “well no one ever says anything.” Trying to explain to her that we’ve all stopped talking because she won’t go unheard completely goes over her head.
Am I the asshole for giving up? Are we all (as friends) the assholes for letting her talk into empty air? No one wants to engage with her anymore because the entire dialogue is her just droning on and on. We were all continually getting in half words or half statements before her starting up again.
“Have you—“ cut off.
“Did you know that—“ cut off.
“My other friend—“ cut off.
I don’t honestly know why she’s still invited out with us since everyone either tunes her out, or just waits for her to wear herself out before we start real conversations everyone can participate in. I feel like such a dick because she’s just not understanding that she needs to chill out and listen to everyone, and also because I honestly can’t stand her incessant need to dominate the conversation.
We’ve been friends for years, but her impatience, unwillingness, or ignorance in hearing other people out is hitting a critical level.
AITA for wanting everyone to get a fucking chance to speak?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kCQnGzWjLt265j6XJ4yPKb60omFI4zqh
|
a3eeoz
|
{
"description": "buying a fur coat",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I bought a fur coat?
|
For background, I am chronically cold all the time. It's to the point where I have been to several doctors to see if there is a medical issue, because if temperatures get lower than about 60 I feel cold down to my bones. My hands and feet stay cold for several hours even if I am inside and under blankets. My average apartment temperature stays at 77 unless I have people coming over, which is rare to be honest. Point is, I'm pretty miserable and with winter coming I know it gets worse.
I've been through a lot of coats, from the puffy kind to the ones with the reflective interior that is supposed to keep heat in, and none have worked very well. I saw a fur coat at a thrift store and am seriously thinking about buying it, because my grandmother used to have one and would complain about sweltering in it. At this point, sweltering sounds pretty good to me.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
BUlLBjLtgyPhWDRaDBeXLeZSxrwk2ycw
|
9ud1i5
|
{
"description": "punishing my dog too hard",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Punishing My Dog Too Hard?
|
The backyard of the house I live in has 4 chickens. Right now, all of them are ready for chicks, but we don't have a rooster so they're just nesting in random places.
It was getting late, so I tried picking up one of the chickens to move it to the coop (foxes, and all).
Chicken starts flapping and stuff, as they do when getting picked up while thinking they're sitting on a nest of potential babies. Dog comes over, misreading the situation, and tries to nip at the chicken as a meal.
This causes me to drop the chicken, and close my hand around their mouth, as a sort of "No, bad!" gesture. Maybe too rough, maybe not. I don't *think* I was too rough, kinda more like a tight squeeze on someone's arm.
​
Fast forward a bit, dog is backing away from me, ears drooped, walking like they're afraid of me. I'm scared I closed my hand too hard, and the dog's kinda hurt, and I did the wrong thing.
This is the first time I've punished them in this sort of way, if that changes anything. I haven't slapped 'em, bumped their nose on purpose, or tugged their tail. This is a first.
​
But yeah, AITA? Or is the dog overreacting, and it'll be fine after a while? We've been pretty good buddies for a few years since they were born, so it'd be a shame for it to be ruined like this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
1Y3HZPhgOdbqEJ2keguwhDft26nFsyst
|
ap7k4s
|
{
"description": "hating when people sit at my table without asking",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for hating when people sit at my table without asking?
|
I live in the US and in the south, if that makes any difference.
My boyfriend and I go to a variety of restaurants because we love trying new food. Hawaiian BBQ, Thai, pho, Cajun, pretty much anything. Often, living in a smallish town in the south, the restaurants that serve these foods are going to be small businesses, holes in the wall, stuff like that. So naturally there aren't going to be a *whole* lot of tables and when it does get busy it can be hard to find a place to sit.
My question is whether it makes me the asshole for getting annoyed when random people will pull up a chair without a word and join us at our table. People of all ages, races, sexes, and so on have done this and I can't figure out why it's so common; I'd never have the audacity to do that to someone. I totally get that it can get packed and people just want a place to sit, and I would absolutely not say no if they asked 'can I sit here?' first, but it irks me a ton if they just sit down, especially if they start eating there next to us too. I've even once had someone sit on the edge of the seat of our booth once and I was blown away by it.
I never say anything to them, though, because it's not worth starting a scene about, although sometimes I wonder if I should at some point, especially if they sit down with food and start eating. Surely it wouldn't be so bad to say 'excuse me, we're on a date and we'd like privacy' or something...? But my boyfriend disagrees when we speak about it after. Don't get me wrong though, he's just easygoing, so I'm not asking if he's the asshole, but rather the strangers that help themselves.
My boyfriend thinks it's no big deal and that I shouldn't be bothered by it, I think it's rude for strangers to just have a seat and not say shit. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
6U4FegfoQQeEfr8LQH1BHjOmI2F68Jnc
|
amvlr7
|
{
"description": "being mad at my stepdad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being mad at my stepdad?
|
I am on mobile so sorry for any formatting issues
My mom and stepdad got married in 2016. He’s not a bad guy or anything but I’ve never really liked him. I don’t really know what his job is but he works outside the country. Due to this my mom and him use FaceTime audio to talk regularly.
Earlier today my mom said to not answer his calls because she’s mad at him. He has already called me 2 times today. He has done this before. He’ll call me 1 or 2 times before texting me saying, “Hello I’m calling you.”
Whenever he does this I feel kind of scared for some reason and I never know how to respond or what to do. I usually tend to ignore him but it happens so much that I get really mad. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
4nG5yNjAwgXM3S5OP6sa19NkCYx2JTjo
|
9ykw5j
|
{
"description": "hating Family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Hating Family?
|
I've made an alt account to post this as I don't want to be identified.
This story starts from, well - the day I was born.
My siblings are a good 10-20 years older than me, so they were in their late teens when I was born. One of my brothers who ill call J befriended my father who was an alcoholic and abusive asshole. My dad got him his first job on a construction site, but the friendship kind of corrupted him. He turned to hard drugs and became an alcoholic.
There's a lot of people involved in this story, and I don't know if I'm in the wrong in any of the scenarios so please, hear me out.
My brother spiraled. His mental health was worse than ever and he became abusive himself, only when he was drunk though. When he was sober, lovely but troubled man. He used to sit with me, tell me everything. He would tell me how depressed he was and what he thought his dreams meant. He told me about messed up stuff from his childhood, and although i'd been slapped, punched, pushed, etc by this man, I had a genuine understanding of what he was going through. He had never had a gf, until about 5 years back. He was almost 40 as this point. She was a horrible, nasty woman. He started to go to college, she changed his mind and he went back to drugs again. We found out that she had had her name changed by the courts after an 8 year sentence. We never found out what she did. Anyway, she turned vapid, proper mentalist. She attempted to stab my brother, failed and she'd pace back and forth in the hallway with a knife chanting that she was going to kill my mum. My brother dumped her, but she came back with 'i'm pregnant'.
My brother, being surprised and amazed that he had to chance to be a father went flying back to her. Sure beats prison, which he'd been to a few times for minor offenses committed while drunk.
The girlfriend, who ill call R moved in to a caravan in my mums back garden with J for Christmas. After a few weeks, my mum started trusted them to come in. R would insist on washing dishes for my mum, etc. Next thing I know, Christmas eve. I'm playing fallout 4 upstairs in my room and my brother comes waltzing in drunk. This has always been kind of scary for me as I'm a girl and my brother was a lot larger than me, he had hit me before. I have really bad anxiety, so its not often I stand up for myself.
So, he comes in and he goes "Mums crying downstairs" while laughing. I look at him and stand up and scream "if you've fucking hurt her, I'll kill you' and I run downstairs to check on her while my brother sits in my room, having the audacity to ask me for a lighter for his cig. I run down, and my mums in tears. Next thing I know, R comes downstairs after me and my mum. She's very pregnant at this point and she was getting aggressive. She was very, very drunk and on speed or something. She was jittery and telling my mum she would kill her. R pushed my mum, so my mum shoved her back (for her own safety).
R started the whole " I'm pregnant! You hit me!"
My mum fired back over the alcohol and drugs and how she was killing her grandchild. Things really kicked off there, so my mum called my other brother, who we'll call Alam. Alam and his wife Deye turn up, arguing for them to leave our property. Some really horrible things were said, I recorded everything for safety. Luckily no one was badly hurt.
Fast forward about 7 months, still haven't seen my brother and I haven't seen my nephew either. I'll call the baby J JR. I ended up moving north to be with my SO, so I left the family behind. I was done with the drama. Then about a year later, I get a call from my mum. She's hysteric, sobbing, can't even speak. I immediately know that something bad has happened. She tells me that J had died on the streets alone because he had OD'd. He was homeless again and turned to drugs. He barely got to know his own son.
I remember watching the footage from that Christmas eve, over and over again, knowing that was my last interaction with him. Screaming, death threats, the latter.
I feel guilt for not reaching out after that night, not being the support I used to be. But I also don't because of the stuff he put me through. It's tough.
Next thing I know, R has full custody over J. JR and is calling my mum, threatening to kill the baby if she didn't come and get him.
My mum picked up the baby and basically raised him for his first year, going to court over and over, trying to save her grandson from this psyco. R threatened to firebomb my mums house, so she wanted to move for safety. My other brother and his wife then took custody of J JR. My mum followed me up north and frequently visits down south to see J JR.
Now I'm worried, because it seems my brother wife doesn't want my mum to see him. She makes every excuse possible. My mum spend hundreds of pounds a couple months back to visit, and she only got 10 minutes with her grandson, the only remaining part of her dead son, is his son. It's so sad, and I can't help but be angry at my other siblings for not defending our mum. She's being excluded for moving for her own safety.
The funeral, R decided to come up to me sobbing (yes, she was allowed at the funeral)
She tried to put her hands on my face, saying my name and asking if I was okay. I looked completely through her and shoved past, not even batting an eye. She made the entire funeral about her.
She then tried to steal my brothers ashes so my mum couldn't scatter them.
It sounds dumb, but I can't help but feel guilt over it. Over not reaching out to my brother after things went south, for being angry at my family for excluding my mum. Although, being angry at R, for literally ruining my brothers life is justified, I just don't know if my thoughts on others involved are justified.
Sorry for the novel, but I feel like the ass. I feel like I won't stop grieving until I know it wasn't my fault our last interaction was so toxic and violent.
Sorry
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
3UCkaeDdKKkQ6R1RtbpcBI1rguMdGAZN
|
a69yku
|
{
"description": "making a move on my friend's ex",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I made a move on my friend’s ex?
|
Actively looking for input here, this is such a grey area.
My mate (call him K) and his girl, (call her E) broke up a few months ago. Fairly serious, they were together for a couple years but not living together or anything. Things were bad at the end, and of course I stayed neutral and supported K bc he’s my bro but in the end I honestly sided with E because she’s also one of my good friends and he got way over-the-top nasty with her.
I’d be lying if I said that I haven't been crushing on E for awhile, she’s gorgeous, I really admire her as a person and we get along great. She’s not seeing anyone right now, is happily doing her own thing and has responded positively to mild flirtation from me. K is still acting petty and rude towards her whenever we’re all hanging out in the same group, but he’s also actively hooking up with other girls rn (he always tells me about his exploits aha), so... I think he’s getting over it?
WIBTA if I tried to start something with E in the near future (Assuming she’s interested, of course)? On one hand, the “bro code”, but on the other, she’s not a piece of property and he doesn’t own her. Should I ask his “permission” first? What do you think, reddit?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
IYrRAd99FgBLpAy9ubkd1L2xRg5eBkZy
|
au4uas
| null |
WIBTA If ‘came out’ as gay to my stepdad, even though I am not gay?
|
Howdy do, throwaway account here. I’ll try to provide as much information as possible, and hopefully my friends who also use Reddit don’t think I’m the type to open up anonymously to strangers like this.
My stepdad is fairly vocal about his opinions on LGBT+ individuals, drag queens, and the like. Of course, because I tend to avoid him whenever I can nowadays, I don’t have his exact, up-to-date opinions on the matter, but I know they haven’t changed. He disproves of gay people and cross dressers, and my mother admits that if he knew I bought some of the clothing items and accessories that I have, he would not be cool with it. (for example, some gender non-conforming clothing and a pride button that I pinned on one of my hats, because I support the LGBT+ community and there are many kind, understanding people there.) My mother has also expressed her opinions on the matter, and, although she is a Christian and knows that it goes against the Bible, is fairly understanding of LGBT+ individuals nonetheless.
A few hours ago I thought to myself, ‘what would happen if I pretended to come out as gay to my stepdad, and how would he react?’ Would he be hostile towards me afterword? Would he bring that sort of thing up to others at family gatherings? Would he somehow try to ‘turn me straight’? Would he condescendingly tell me in private that I’m far to young to make that kind of decision? The possibilities are endless, and I’m just so tired of being stuck right in the middle of things being okay and things being bad that I just wish that scale would tip over one way or the other.
So, fellow Redditors, WIBTA if I pretended to come out to my stepdad as gay just to see how he reacts?
I’m sure this offers some variable, so I’ll let you know that I am currently 15 (and I know it usually doesn’t mean jackshit but I consider myself to be mature for my age)
I’ll try to answer any questions that people take the time out of their day to ask, and thanks in advance if you decide to share your opinion on the matter.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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WRONG
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b0hvdt
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{
"description": "getting ice cream for my girlfriend when asked instead of instinctively knowing to do so",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for getting ice cream for my [M19] girlfriend [F18] when asked instead of instinctively knowing to do so?
|
So my girlfriend and I have been dating for a long time, close to 3 years now. For context, we both go to the same university and actually live in the same complex. I've had an extremely busy week, and she has been sick for the entire day of the incident.
​
I started my day with the usual how are yous, turns out that she might've gotten food poisoning from her food the night earlier. No throwing up, but still general nausea and she decides to stay home from all of her classes that day. I don't have that option, and today is a busy day. I go about my day checking in, asking how she is, texting normally just like every other day. I have a long interview that is about an hour away by bus, so by the time I get back in her area I'm tired and overworked. She texts me asking for ice cream from a store nearby. It'd be a 30 minute detour for me but a 4 minute walk for her, but I agree and buy it for her. At her place, I give it to her and we hang out for about 30 minutes, but then I say that I've gotta go do my work that was due later that night. She says it's ok, I say bye, and I work for a few hours.
​
Around an hour or two into me working, she asks if I can come by and sit around with her. I tell her that I'm sorry, but I have multiple things due tonight. She then says "its fine whatever" and later comes back with "you don’t seem to understand that i wanted you to take care of me or check in on me."
We talk and she says that if I were sick, she'd have asked if I needed anything. "i just don’t know why i have to ask you for stuff like everyone appreciates when people are thoughtful and do things without being asked that’s what like love and romance is." It started to feel like she was A) disregarding my legitimate excuses for being gone all day and B) ignoring my attempts to help her as much as I could, a la texting, asking her how she was, buying her ice cream when asked.
​
Am I being delusional? Should I have been more spontaneous when I knew she was sick? Maybe instead of asking how she was I could've just asked her what she wanted or something, I dunno.
​
TL;DR: GF asks for me to get ice cream for her, I get it, later she remarks that I do not do enough spontaneous things for her
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b7hbyd
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{
"description": "picking up a box after someone else threw it on the ground",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for picking up a box after someone else threw it on the ground?
|
In the grocery store earlier I watched a man move an empty box off of the shelf to get what he needed and then throw it on the ground. I waited until he rounded the corner and picked it back up to put on the shelf. I looked up and apparently he had come back to that aisle for something and we made eye contact before he turned away and left. My husband said it was a dick move on my part and I should have just “let him make his mistakes” and made sure he was gone before picking it up. He looked pretty embarrassed and it’s possible he was coming back to pick the box up. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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| null |
AITA - Money down the shitter
|
Hi all!
So backstory, me (24f) and my SO (23m) have been together 2 years and we’re best friends for 2.5 years before we got together. We are both professionals in the NHS with very good jobs.
He has recently been accepted to go back to uni to do medicine, a 4 year degree for him. He has to pay £3400 initially but the rest of tuition is funded. He plans on working a couple of shifts and we have plans to set up a private practice for a few hours a week.
So. Whilst in discussion I stated that, with a promotion coming up, I could go get an acupuncture qualification which will cost £500 of my money. His response was “well that’s just money down the shitter” I was immediately offended by the comment due to him being so flippant about my education when he is going back to uni in a few months where I will have to support him financially.
He apologised and stated he meant that I should have private patients first then learn so I make my money back. He is worried about saving money for uni. My view was to use it on nhs patients in chronic pain.
I’m pissed off due to his remark then his apology being only to explain and justify his side which I can see. AITA for still being mad about it when he is just concerned about finance?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b9vufp
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{
"description": "demanding money from a friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for demanding money from a friend?
|
Few days ago me and some other friends came up with the idea of buying a VPS to play minecraft in our own server.
We bought a very cheap one (imagine it costs us only 3 euros per 3 months each). So one other friend wanted to join us too, but when i told him about that very small payment he got angry and he left. AITA for asking him to pay too just like everyone else?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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alq5ab
|
{
"description": "not helping with my newborn daughter when Im on meds",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping with my newborn daughter when im on Meds.
|
To help you guys understand i have Epilepsy and i been having pretty bad seizures since August.
My Neurologist gave me some pills to help control the seizures and i have to be on them every day.
The bad side about the pills is that the side effects are horrible(Dizziness,Drowsiness,Mood changes and i’ve been experiencing hallucinations lately).
So i decided to stop taking them to help my wife with our daughter but when i stopped taking them the seizures came worse than before and in one of the seizures i had my daughter in my hands and before it hit me i put her in the couch.
My wife came and got mad at me and but i was confused i didn’t know what happened and why she was yelling at me.
So i went to the neurologist and he gave me new pills and the first thing that he said was “You have to give this pills time until your body gets use to them” meaning that im going to be drowsy and dizzy after i take them.
Now yesterday i took the new pills and everything was good until 8:00pm when i started to feel really tired so i went to bed.My wife comes at 12:00am waking me up mad cause i didn’t heard the baby crying and saying that i was faking everything just to not help.
I was really dizzy and confused when i woke up so i tried to get my daughter but my whole body felt weird so i told her and she started to freak out even more.
I don’t know what to do cause she needs help but i need to be careful too my father passed away because of his epilepsy and i don’t want that to happen to me.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
{
"description": "getting really annoyed that my girlfriend constantly calls me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting really annoyed that my girlfriend constantly calls me?
|
I'm not annoyed enough to say anything, and I feel like if I did I would be an asshole, but my girlfriend will always call me when she gets off work and when she gets out of class, mostly while she's driving, and then will vent to me for about 10 minutes every time she does. I literally say like 5 words the whole time and she just talks and talks. It's ok, I know she needs to get things off her chest, but I can't the thought of having those constant phone calls every day just becomes exhausting. My free time is limited as well, and like I know she doesn't really have any one else to talk to but to lose like 20 minutes at least sometimes more to her every day calling me to complain about something that happened at work, it's exhausting and frustrating. I don't say anything, because I know she needs it for her mental health, and because I genuinely love her, and I don't not enjoy talking to her, but every day, for 20 minutes at least a day, I'm getting constant negative energy because she needs to unload all the negativity she has accrued from work onto me, and it cuts into my already limited free time. I hang out with her a lot, I go to school, I have a job. My job is a lot more low stress than hers, and I don't really have anything to complain about. She also has a terrible family, and for some reasons I don't want to get into right now can't afford to move out, so when she calls me and it's not about work it's about her shitty family. Again, I get it, she needs someone to talk to, I'm the only person she trusts, her family really sucks it's not petty dumb things she's complaining about, but holy shit, it's exhausting. It saps all the energy I have out of me.
​
And that's not to say it's a bad relationship, it's not, she's a funny, loving person when I'm with her, she can be funny on the phone sometimes, I genuinely enjoy hanging out with her, it's just the constant negative energy I get from her every single day she has work, or when something shitty happens at home, which is frequent, it's exhausting. I know it comes with the territory, and I know she feels bad for constantly complaining to me about things, she's self aware, she's not dumb. She just needs the emotional release. I get it. It's just tiring. I don't know if I should talk to her about it, because I know she would feel really bad she was making me feel that way, and I would also feel bad because I'm not the one with the problems. But it makes me so tired every time she does, I literally will put the phone down sometimes and be angry, or just put the phone down sometimes and let her vent without actually listening to her, because that's how much I'm participating in the conversation.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
{
"description": "asking my fiance to spend some time with me because I feel neglected",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA because I'm (26F) asking my fiance (30M) to spend some time with me because I feel neglected?
|
My fiance has been really struggling with his work and I know his job hasn't been making him happy. He's been stressed out and overall just not happy. He comes home and he gets on his game station to play video games with his friends. I've been trying to be understanding and I haven't said anything for a few weeks but we also haven't spent a lot of time together. Today, I brought up to him how I miss him and I feel like we haven't spent a lot of time together and that he hasn't really talked to me in a few weeks. I asked him if we could maybe watch a tv show or something later because I am feeling neglected. He proceeded to tell me that I'm not being fair in telling him he's not doing enough when I know he's struggling and not doing well. I am not trying to feel like he's not doing enough, I just quite simply, miss him. I just want to know what's the difference of coming home and playing video games for hours vs taking an hour away from the game to watch a show with me and spend some time with me?
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a2su26
|
{
"description": "being mad that my dad wouldn't co-sign on my car loan unless I bought a car he agreed to",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for being mad that my dad wouldn’t co-sign on my car loan unless I bought a car he agreed to?
|
This happened several years ago (just found this sub) and I still feel a lot of bitterness about it. I got in a car accident that totaled my previous car when I was 19. I was looking for used cars with my mom (she’s self-employed) and saw a 2002 Subaru for around 3 grand that appeared to be in decent shape and within my budget. I was still living at home and going to community college and working part time for $9.50/hr. I tell my dad about the 2002 Subaru and he said that he wouldn’t co-sign unless I purchased a newer car. Ended up on a 2009 Subaru with $255/month payments. Being 19, I had barely any credit or savings and had to bend to his will because I need to drive where I live.
AITA for being upset at him for forcing me into a car I couldn’t afford?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
WXy5iMoyFVODA9eG5d3KkQgeMwiHMUbk
|
adfbh6
|
{
"description": "thinking I should not pay",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for thinking I should not pay?
|
Sorry for the long post, the full story requires some background.
I’m currently in college and was born into a well off family, enough to be considered top 5% of the income distribution in my country. It was not always this way though, my parents came from honest backgrounds contributing their paychecks to their respective utilities bills as teenagers each month.
I’ve been fortunate to not have to work for the same reasons and during the summers I used to work to have spending money to have liberties to spend in what I wanted and still contribute.
I decided to commute from college voluntarily which involves a moderate hour commute each way every day and I’m paying for the insurance of the vehicle which amounts to somewhere around $2000 USD each year. The car is electric and cost to power it is very cheap.
Now here’s the issue:
This past semester I’ve failed a course and I’m at risk of losing my internship that I’ve worked hard to obtain. I’m broken every time I see my grades. He says the only way for me to understand what I did is to pay back the credits I failed. I fully understand how I possibly fucked up my immediate future but I haven’t been able to afford anything since he wants to me to try to be partially finically independent. The past summer job was only able to cover the last 6 months and I’m still on the hook for the next 6 and the 6 after IF i start my internship.
I also feel He’s been unfair as of lately. I pay for all my leisure expenses from video games to dinners with my gf. Since I haven’t been working I’m almost out of funds yet my younger brother for the most part gets everything he asks for no questions asked. This holidays I wasn’t able to afford a christmas gift for my gf and felt ashamed to bring it up to her. I had to cover my expenses out of my account for the secret santa my family forced me into while my brother had his fully paid for by my father. I feel the extra burden of paying the credits is alot specially if I am to have no job while studying and may not even have a well paying job this coming summer.
I understand my dad wants to teach me a lesson, but is it really the right way? I’m young but I feel this is a lot to handle.
So reddit, AITA for not wanting to pay the credits?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
AtJDNHBn90rDcxyK5tGwbfmKW5i1Majr
|
ae449l
|
{
"description": "saying yes when my bestfriend asked me to cheat on her boyfriend with her",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for saying yes when my bestfriend asked me to cheat on her boyfriend with her?
|
So the other night or so an unsuspecting me was contacted by my bestfriend, let's say Taylor, telling me about how she was experiencing relationship troubles. Nothing out of the normal I would be happy to help her out and be there for her, then she started sounding desperate for someone to be there for her asking "please answer I just need someone to talk to right now". I was pretty worried that she was sad as she had just gotten out of a little bout with depression (and self harm) so I really wanted to make sure she was ok, thinking she was in a really bad state over something he had done. I did the bestfriend thing and asked her what was up and are you ok trying to reassure her, which she then goes onto to say she needs to do something to rebel against her boyfriend and wanted my help because he can be a really controlling person. I agreed to do something and my mind was on the innocent shit like we could just hang out go on a mini bestfriend date to make her happy. She then starts to get a bit more seductive about what she wants to do in order to rebel. I play innocent tryna come up with more chill cute things we could do, nothing truly boundary pushing. It gets way more seductive from her at this point and I'm kinda see where she is going with it when she says she is up to do anything and would like to see me tomorrow, stuff along the lines of there won't be any regrets. I start kind of flirting back taking this as bit of a joke until she says wants me to come over tomorrow before he gets back from work, I played along with that letting puberty hormones get the better of me but still thinking we are only gonna get drunk or fuck around with his shit idk. Then she says if I come over tomorrow we are going to fuck, plain and simple I was pretty shook like the fuck. Then she starts asking if I liked her in that way coz she thought I was still crushing on her and if so tomorrow could be so much fun. I caught on that it might be her boyfriend trying to get some sort of confession out of me coz he asked me that the other day. So I said as much. She sent me a selfie to prove it was her, then a video to really get me to believe. Then the photo got a bit more risky when she sent a photo of her in a bra kind of pulling it down a bit. She asked for one back so I sent a shirtless pic. Ahh and then she sends me a photo of her boyfriends face then a bunch of other shit, like her and her bf in bed laughing together. I realised what had happened here and was caught out I guess. They didn't seem mad or whatever so I made a joke about it then said goodnight. Woke up to an apology from her and a message from him calling me disgusting a perv just some fuccboi that wanted to fuck his girl as soon as she wanted it.
Now I know saying yes to wanting to have sex with my bestfriend was fucked up and as a man I can admit that but some history into why I would have gone through with it
taylor : I was in love with her for a solid 3 years, like real hard. Went through a shit time coz of it battling anxiety and depression till I got over her. Now the entire time I wanted her she said there was attraction from her too making it worse, but it was pretty bad for her as well. So I still have some feelings and basically can't say no to her. She has stopped being friends with me 3 times, once because I tried to get with her when she was single after saying she wanted to take my v card from me. So she knew I would definitely have sex with her if she ever asked. During our conversation mentioned in the main part she had pretty much said she wanted to cheat which Idk in my mind is just about identical to actually going through with it so there wasn't much point to me saying no to save the morality of the situation. She was also the one trying to initiate the whole sexual thing. Once she wants to do something like I guess cheat on her boyfriend nothing I say or do will convince her to anything other then go ask someone else to do it really. There are plenty of examples of her just looking for a yes man.
The boyfriend: im guessing his it was his whole idea and was behind most of the texting and then the threatening afterwards. He has always pissed me off coz of his behaviour and personality, controlling of his girlfriend and always emotionally manipulating her to do what he wants and sexually assaulting Taylor once upon a time, so this may have factored into my whole agreement to actually say yes to her.
Now my bestfriend has pretty much stopped talking to me and cancelled plans and shit, and the boyfriend has said he has gone around and told my friends and his that I am a disgusting perv and shit telling them I wanted to fuck his girl.
Id have to tend to agree with his judgment but he seems to have forgotten: I wasn't the one to initiate anything, she had already said she had wanted to cheat when they were trying to catch me out, if this whole thing was a real life situation would I really have been the most fucked up person and not the cheater, he knew I was once in love with her and would do anything she pretty much asked anyway
I'm sorry this is long and probably contains biased and irrelevant information and self justification, but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
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|
b97tww
|
{
"description": "not wanting my 5/6 year old sons to experience a family funeral",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting my 5/6 year old sons to experience a family funeral?
|
I don’t think of myself as a helicopter mom. I do focus, sometimes to a fault, on my kid’s psychological health. I remember my first funeral. It was traumatic and has stayed with me. My grandmother told my youngest son this year that he will die, and he had a legit breakdown. I handled the situation well, until he said "if I did, please don’t let them close my eyes.", while sobbing.
I was close with my great aunt and love her dearly. She passed away today after a long fight.
Am I being selfish for getting a babysitter for the boys while my husband and I attend her funeral? I already know some of my family members will be very angry with this decision. I know this because they actually have already been to a funeral (when they were babies, too young to remember) due to them guilting me into it by saying they "needed them there to get through it".
I’m sorry for the rambling. Your advice will not fall on deaf ears, as I am really conflicted here. My husband is 100% on board with them not attending.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
kIG4mhx86hpD5EikNaPVtGKMyUDq7WSS
|
apzheg
|
{
"description": "telling my roommate I can no longer be on a lease with him",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my roommate I can no longer be on a lease with him?
|
I moved in with a friend of five years this time last year. I should note that, at the time we moved in together, he had been crashing on my couch rent-free for four months without even offering to help with bills or groceries. Being stupid, I thought that rather than kicking him out, I would help him out by paying the majority of rent so that he could afford his own room. I realize now that this was a mistake. He was depressed after a break-up and I wanted to help him back on his feet.
In the year that we've lived together, he has paid rent at least a week late 9 of 12 months. 6 of the last 6 months have been paid late, and the last two months were paid over three weeks late. Also, he owes me money from past bills I paid for him (he didn't pay any utilities or internet for the first six months because he kept "forgetting" to budget for it).
I should point out that I have repeatedly offered to make up the difference if he lets me know ahead of time, so that it doesn't hit our credit. Time and time again I have asked him to communicate with me about his finances so that I can arrange to make rent on time (I'm a freelancer, so the hustle is constant and I have an amazing regular client that I can make money with quickly), and each time he has refused and said it's none of my business. I disagree. We are on a lease together, so I feel his inability to pay his part of rent on time is my business.
I should also note that each time his part of rent is late (all nine times), I have found out about the unpaid balance through an eviction notice posted on my door. This is immensely stressful for me and I have told him as much, repeatedly. He insists that it isn't a big deal and I'm overreacting.
Now, back to the situation itself. He's paid the past six months late, and has lied before when asked about payment status point blank. This month, I got yet another eviction notice and calmly asked him what was going on. He was full of excuses and told me not to worry because he would have it on his next check. Then, I asked on the day he got paid and he told me it was paid in full.
At this point, I called the office to talk to someone about transferring alone to a one bedroom unit in the complex. The manager informed me that there was an outstanding balance of $230 (so not paid in full after all) and I could not transfer with an unpaid balance. I moved some money around, paid the balance, and set up an appointment to view one bedrooms and pay my deposit later this week.
I then texted my roommate (the only way I'm able to contact him anymore. We used to be close, but he's been avoiding me more and more over the past several months) and told him the truth: that I couldn't be his roommate anymore and when the lease is up at the end of the month, I will be moving out and he will need to adjust accordingly. I am in the process of saving and boosting my rental history to move with my partner across the country, and the past year has already set me back several months on that timeline. I feel like I'll be stuck here forever if I'm always paying his bills, and I said that (though more kindly and in a way that didn't sound so blamey). He responded "cool" and hasn't said a word to me since.
My roommate works with my partner (she got him a job with her company after he got fired from his last one), and he will talk to her at work but not at the apartment. He has elected to take the bus to work (takes longer and spends money he should not be spending) instead of riding with us in the mornings and ignores us completely, to the point of hiding in his room and being as silent as possible rather than acknowledge my partner offering him a ride.
He has also gotten a (former, I guess) friend of mine to side with him and she is no longer speaking to me because of whatever he said. The part that upsets me most about that is she knows how many times he's fucked me up financially and still believes him over me. It makes me wonder what his version of events is.
My partner and I are really hurt (we were both close with him before) and don't understand why he's reacting like this. He's being really petty and retaliatory, like he believes something was done to him. I feel like I made a concerted effort to help him, communicate with him, and provide assistance when I could. Also, I'm positive we would have been evicted by now had I not paid my rent on time every single month. I'm not proud of telling him over text, but he never answers his phone and I've physically seen him for about 30 minutes over the past month. He hasn't exactly made himself available to talk to.
So, AITA for saying I've had enough and refusing to renew the lease with him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
PxS9vKnY4BYdQBM7zdRiodAj6RDHMo76
|
a5c7aw
|
{
"description": "talking to a guy for a week even tho",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
Aita for talking to a guy for a week even tho
|
Right from the get go I knew I wasnt interested and would end it eventually
I didn't mean to lead him on i just didn't know how to say no.
Also how should I tell him I don't want to talk to him anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
0hyjmb50dGlVKknFdgCyUOQrY45eylWw
|
b0maza
|
{
"description": "always being against my girlfriends friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for always being against my girlfriends friends?
|
This is my first post on reddit in general so excuse me if I mess anything up. But, to start off, my girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year, I’ve never really been to fond of crowds and company so I’m extremely picky with who I surround myself with.
My girlfriend on the other hand, is the opposite. She loves company, loves the friends no matter what and asks for people to come to them for help. (I don’t have a problem with the help situation, I try to help others as well).
Well, to start off, her friends don’t make any responsible choices such as excessive underage drinking at every available opportunity, housing drug addicts and dating just as irresponsible guys.
For the guy friends she has, they bang anything that walks, smoke an drink and don’t care of anything they own, they look her up an down whether I’m there or not and I find them a threat and she uses the excuse “I’ve known him since I was a little girl!” Meanwhile, I’ll drop any body for her because in my eyes, a relationship I value is more important. I’m an asshole on that part, yes, but I see it as organizing my priorities. I tell her that she needs to get her life together and focus on herself instead of being so into everyone else’s life when they only come around when they’re in the slumps or wanting to drink and she just doesn’t understand what I mean.
There’s more, finer details to this story and issue but that’s sums up the majority. What do y’all think? Can you help me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
XMbT4ybpsCjbpfGKotDJwK6R9ITfxRmk
|
b5xs8n
|
{
"description": "showing a kid an anti vax meme and finding out he was unvaccinated",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For showing a kid an anti vax meme and finding out he was unvaccinated.
|
As the title says I saw wondering if I’m the asshole in this situation. So be a kid I have in one my classes were just sharing memes and I showed him one about a mother not vaccinating her kids and some of them dying due to measles. After showing him it he said he was unvaccinated and said that vaccines cause autism. After that I just changed the topic because I didn’t want to cause an argument. He’s a nice kid just don’t know whether it was insensitive of me to show him an anti vax even though I didn’t know then. Am I the Asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
6qldnr7EQVXW5EvIr3yHGU7Enecebd9S
|
a5p9o8
|
{
"description": "losing interest in someone after discovering he's disabled",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for losing interest in someone after discovering he’s disabled?
|
So yesterday I was on a hookup app. Received a message from a fairly attractive person. We both shared pics and found out that we’re a match. (All his pics that were shared of him didn’t display his disability.) After that, we start planning to meet. And right after the time that he sent me his location to meet him he told me that he’s disabled and his arms and legs have no muscles. For some reason, that turned me off. So I apologised and I backed out of hooking up with him. Until now, I feel so guilty for rejecting him. Am I the asshole in that situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
XYW2XzereTLbLRNpuL6YWQYS5ZBTMDwt
|
9vqd9j
|
{
"description": "getting stressed and telling my girlfriend to stop being so nice? and to request for us to slow down",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For getting stressed and telling my girlfriend to stop being so nice? And to request for us to slow down?
|
Backstory: I’ve only been in one other relationship and that one lasted a year and was fantastic. I thought that she would be the one, but then I was forced to move and we had to break up because long distance wasn’t working. Fast forward to today, I’m in a new relationship with a nice girl, but we’ve been dating for about two weeks, and it feels like she’s done so much for me when I physically can’t do the same for her. I’m working constantly, and I don’t get any free time. She tries to be nice so much that it becomes overbearing. Using nicknames so much that it feels like she’s replaced my name with them. And generally being both standoffish and too forward. The thing that prompted me to ask this here is she asked if I was free Saturday, and I freed up some time and said yes, to which she replied “My grandparents are going to love this!”. She never once mentioned I’d be meeting her grandparents after knowing her for only a few weeks. I promptly said I really wasn’t comfortable with that and that things have been moving really quickly and felt uncomfortable. I feel like I was being rude though, I just want her to be happy... just doesn’t feel like a good fit to me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
eitWP2WkzLeMSq17PFIVrjLgtKFhBGSh
|
axy1ie
|
{
"description": "cutting my mother out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting my mother out of my life?
|
I tried posting this before but it was way too long so this is the super condensed version.
I stopped talking to my mother exactly a year ago because her relationship is toxic to her and everyone around her. Since entering this relationship she's neglected my two siblings (currently aged 13 and 14) to pursue her own "happiness." She's also a hypocrite ("my kids come first"/"no one else will ever discipline my kids"). Her boyfriend is an alcoholic with neurological damage as a result of being assaulted prior to meeting my mother.
My grandparents and I have continually tried to help her leave him and get out of her situation but she continually refused, despite the drunken arguments, occasional physical violence and police involvement, after which she has regularly called crying saying she's going to leave him.
I stopped talking to her last year after one such incident, my sister called me after midnight on a school night, my mother called me back and asked why I had to get involved and I lost it, letting her know how mad I was about everything, and she hung up on me.
Since that event, she's tried reaching out to me a handful of times, one attempt was six months after she hung up on me in a message with the apology of "I'm sorry for brainwashing you into believing that all men are bastards." This made me incredibly angry because it's NOT the issue, and even if it were she didn't make me hate men. She made me hate women, LGBT people, people of colour. I won't get too deep into it but as a queer person, that's something I can't forgive even aside from my actual issue.
I've now resolved to not speak to her until she realises she's the one in the wrong and apologises, something that I doubt will ever happen because she hates being wrong and doesn't apologise. My grandmother and sister have repeatedly asked me to talk to her again but I refuse.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ihrcCqwYQSZTXyAz4S4fOmzJNPB5NUP3
|
9xe0q6
|
{
"description": "messing up over text",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for messing up over text
|
I was talking to a friend on my phone. I keep messing up because I really like them. I said some really weird stuff and felt super embarrassed. So naturally, I decide to confess.
Here’s what I said:
Whelp, I’m gonna cry myself to sleep after how much I messed up in that convo
Is it noticeable that I might have a crush on you?
Oh crap unsend
Delete
Help
Sorry, my friend stole my phone
My cat walked over my keyboard
I’ve been hacked
Let’s pretend this never happened
Anyway, drew anything new?
Did I mess up?
I’m really sorry
I shouldn’t have said anything
That’s all I wrote. They haven’t replied at all. I feel like a r/niceguy, or like I belong on r/oopsdidntmeantoo. I don’t even know if their gay. I feel like he’s mad at me, and I feel like he deserves to be mad at me. I think I seriously messed up. I’m definitely am an asshole
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
9SkyQm828kPy1uk0YODaCPuGmn6gVYIv
|
b1k40t
|
{
"description": "asking the black lady behind me in line at the drug store to stop playing soul music on her phone",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for asking the black lady behind me in line at the drug store to stop playing soul music on her phone?
|
So here's the story. I was waiting in line at CVS to pick up a prescription. I was pretty much the only white person in the line, and mostly everyone else was black. I am a white guy in my 20's. Obviously this does not matter in itself, but you'll soon see why this is relevant.
It was a bit busy at the pharmacy, and I had been waiting in line for a while. Directly behind me in line was a black lady, maybe around 60 years old, playing soul music at a pretty high volume on her cell phone. It was pretty annoying to me, but I didn't say anything for a while because I didn't want to be seen as "the white guy" who tell the black lady to turn off her soul music. My brain just made the association of telling the black lady to go to the back of the bus, like I am denying her of something that is culturally significant to her.
Nonetheless, she could tell that I was obviously agitated by it, as I kept turning around and looking at her. At this point she was kind of dancing around in place and looking to another black lady behind her in line for validation, and she got a "you go sister" kind of response, thus further cementing my fear that I would be seen as the white uptight asshole for making her turn it off.
Nonetheless, I could not handle this kind of disrespect. I asked her to turn it down, and she didn't really give me much of a response. She seemed to hit a few buttons but there was no noticeable difference in the volume. So I turned around again and said, "you know what, can you please turn it off altogether? You're not really supposed to do that in a public place."
She gave me some attitude but turned it off. I felt like I was getting glared at by everyone afterwards.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
lDXSru4ACN22b5DDKVZ9e4ba0NecKX4P
|
autrxs
|
{
"description": "being upset that my BIL and his wife missed my daughter's first birthday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being upset that my BIL and his wife missed my daughter's first birthday?
|
Info: my husband and I are currently having some issues with his parents (HP). This only involves us and our child, so we have been trying to be adults and keep it to ourselves.
HP, however, have made it known to his younger brother (YB) that we are ignoring them, refusing to go to family dinners, ect. Which we are, but they didn't tell him why we are doing those things. YB confronted my husband and he did confirm that we were having issues, but said that those issues did not involve him. They have always had a great relationship and considered each other best friends. After a bit of back and forth, YB agreed to stay out of it since it didn't involve him.
For months their relationship went back to how it was before.
One day (months later) my husband asked YB if he was coming to our daughter's first birthday (we hadn't had an RSVP from him yet). He told my husband no, that it "wasn't worth the haul", and wasn't a big deal.
Granted, the party was going to be around 45 to 60 minutes away for him (we had it closer to my side of the family because my grandpa is terminal and is unable to travel far. We didn't want him to miss what was probably the only birthday he will be able to make it to for my daughter).
When my husband told me, we were both upset. Me being friendly with YB's wife, sent her a text message apologizing for the drive, but explaining the situation with my grandpa. I was told that they were busy being newly married, who just bought a house and didn't only want to see family for "special occasions" and that it would be easier for that bond to be there if we didn't just stop going to family dinners (referring to the issues with his parents). I reminded her that I had frequently invited her and YB to our house for dinner (for over 6 years I played host, even before my husband and i were married or had any issues with the family) and that they turned down the invitations more often than not. Told her I didn't want to fight, just that we were upset, but told her to take care.
The day of our daughters party, YB texted my husband all day about how he was "just chilling in his basement". Obviously not busy. Never said happy birthday. Never sent a card. Never any acknowledgement.
I was upset by this and unfriended YB's wife on Facebook (YB doesn't have a FB).
Ever since then, YB has told my husband that I was hateful and it was stupid for us to be upset about something so small as a birthday. YB's wife made a post on FB about how selfish my husband and I were (without mentioning our names) because we expect people to just show up for us on a day when they may be busy, rather than rescheduling.
I feel like they purposely skipped it to "get back at us" for either not telling them the details of the issues we had with his parents OR just the fact that we are "upsetting" his parents.
I know my daughter won't remember but it felt like a big day for us. So AITA for being upset that they didn't go or even acknowledge it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
5xPrj1w1QWKBRNaL9Zcevds7wp6tDydh
|
akvl45
|
{
"description": "being a tattletale at work",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being a tattletale at work
|
I work in a sales role and I am measured on how many people I can schedule to get in front of our software for a demo, they do not actually have to buy through me. I wasn’t doing great this month and started looking at other people’s successes from the past months in our CRM to get some insight into what was bringing them success. It quickly became apparent that a lot of the sales broke qualifying rules we have to classify something as a win and some were flat out faked.
Quite a few people were doing this (most of the people that were doing well were breaking rules) and some are even my good friends at the company.
I got sick of it after a couple days because I’m being compared to them on performance, which has an impact on promotions and career development.
I brought it up to my manager with my evidence and gave him my reasons for why it concerned me. Today all my friends were pissed at me for bringing it up and blowing the whistle on them. Like REALLY pissed. Even some people not directly involved.
AITA for bringing this to the company’s attention?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
CJysV5ZU0faEJQo6HE910tY6UlxihMDf
|
atj48e
|
{
"description": "calling an RA a \"motherfucker\"cause he accused me and my friends of something we obviously didn't do",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for calling an RA a “motherfucker”cause he accused me and my friends of something we obviously didn’t do?
|
Some context: We were playing a card game and having some laughs but we were being really loud. Despite that, nobody told us to be quiet. Then, we have a door to a balcony that has been locked for winter next to our lounge. Another kid walks in and opens it, runs outside for a couple seconds, leaves the room to go get a shovel to continue playing outside. While he’s gone, an off duty RA goes in the room and tells us “don’t do that again” basically telling us to not go out in the balcony despite the obvious fact he just walked by the person that did walk outside. While he’s leaving I yell to him “why don’t you have the keys to lock it then motherfucker” and we go back and forth for a couple seconds before telling me “if you have a problem talk to me in person later”. I’m now meeting with the head of Res. Life cause of “my interactions with Res Life Staff earlier this week”
I feel bad cause I usually never make such a rude commemt to people, and I’m planning on apologizing to the kid too. So am I the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
uZf8LvP9JphNm1I0FcIOhPrXAy9j3JtJ
|
an2wpn
|
{
"description": "ditching my gf to watch the game",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ditching my gf to watch the game?
|
We've been dating for five months. Things have been a little crazy since the start, but if I'm being honest with myself I love it. She's nuts, but she's never boring.
She has a habit of over reacting to minor things then running off and shutting herself in a room. Usually I go and sit outside the door and try to coax her to talk to me and calm the situation down.
My friend was having a get together to watch the game and all this had been planned weeks ago. We were literally almost out the door and she decides that was the time to bring up an argument we had last week about her not liking that I have a boys night once a week and the party should count as my night since it was mostly going to be guys there. I could have saved myself a headache and just agreed to it, but I'm an idiot and disagreed.
She hates that I spend a night a week out with just my guy friends and is always trying to get me to cancel last minute. Anyways we argued a little and she did her little storm upstairs and slam the door routine. I didn't follow her, I just yelled that I was going with or without her and she screamed then I should just leave. So I did. My life has not been easy since.
She pulls this shit all the time, aita for leaving her behind, when I probably could have talked her out of the room eventually?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
ae5qCc1svJxhlCWGnTSvi3GurmznS3Bv
|
aq3zen
|
{
"description": "hanging out my ex's house after breaking up with him? but I'm trying to comfort my best friend after trauma",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for hanging out my ex's house after breaking up with him? But I'm trying to comfort my best friend after trauma.
|
About a month ago, my best friend and my ex's (siblings) mother had committed suicide. We weren't broken up for very long when it happened. He was feeling guilty and responsible
One of the ways I tried to comfort him, was a kiss. But, he thought it meant we were back together. The whole thing was so fucked, but I had to tell him what was up.
When I told him that the kiss didn't mean we were back together, and I was trying to comfort him. He got mad. Not for not being together, but for kissing him in the first place at a time like that. He yelled, a lot. He's hated me ever since for fucking with his head like that and he was mad I didn't tell him right away. I didn't mean to. I try to tell myself that he doesn't really hate me, and that he's just grieving, but I don't know anymore. It hurts, because I still have a lot of love for him. **I did want to get back together at some point, but that was NOT the right time for either of us.**
After that, I still went over to his place a lot, for his sister. She's my best friend and she went through something seriously traumatic. I wanted to be there for her as much as I could, and my place isn't an option.
Most people would think it's wrong to go to their exes house after a break-up, but she needed me. She hated being alone. She would have nightmares, so I would sleepover whenever I could. She only has brothers, who she doesn't feel can really comfort her. She didn't return to school for the next semester, but I come over after class and everything.
The last time I tried to come over, my ex's older brother basically kicked me. He said that it's nothing personal, but it's best if I didn't come over for a while. It was really implied that it was because of my ex. I was shocked, but I understood. When I was going to leave, my best friend asked why I was leaving. I explained it to her and she got super fucking angry.
She stared telling her older brother about how it's her house too, and that she can have whoever she wants over. At this point she's yelling and her two OTHER brothers come down to calm shit. She said that it's not her problem if "ex" gets in his feelings every-time I come over. Then he started calling her a selfish bitch, and some other shit I can't remember. She told him to "be a man" and get over me. It was awful. I've gotten into really bad fights with my sisters, but they never involve or in front of others too.
I just pulled her aside and told her to get some air. On our drive, she told me that they've been fighting about this a lot. I had no idea. But she told me that she invites me less often, but she's not gonna stop, that'd be unfair.
I'm literally so torn right now and I have no clue what to do. My house isn't an option because it's a lot of people, in a small apartment. She was fine going over before, but ever since her trauma, she gets overwhelmed. I hate that I'm causing any more heartbreak and drama in their family. I just want to do what's best for everybody.
SO AITA?
**TLDR:** My ex and his sister are fighting about me being over so often. She really needs me to comfort her after some serious trauma, and my house isn't an options. She gets nightmares, so I sleepover when I can.
Edit: I know nobody asked, but their mom is doing a lot better. She's not home yet, but they all talk to her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
PT4A5PWhbXZis4l1o9Xp0nZnV2MYf8bY
|
alxn57
|
{
"description": "trying to counter a suicide threat from an abusive parent",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to counter a suicide threat from an abusive parent?
|
Yes, I know how stupid that seems. It's a long story.
TL;DR: Abusive mom threatens suicide, I try and get her to not do that, she doubles down on the threat, and it winds up looking even worse. I can't summarize, I'm sorry.
I live in a house I'm becoming increasingly certain is abusive, under my mom. We were fighting again, and she stormed out of the house. As she was leaving, she yelled out that she hopes she dies while she's driving, and I think the worst part there is that I'm used to that. I had to get the garage door for her as she left, since the remote doesn't work. I don't know what prompted me to try it this time as opposed to all the others, but I refused to open the door unless she said she would drive safely. My thought process is hard to explain, but I'm still not sure why I thought it would work. Anyway, there was a brief back and forth of "open it" and "no". Then, she turns on the car in the garage. When I still don't open it, *then* she gets out and opens it herself, and only at that point did I realize that me not opening it after her turning on the car could technically look like an attempt on her life. Particularly considering there werr some similar incidents between her and an abusive ex. Anyway, she left, and that was about half an hour ago. Did I fuck up in not opening the door there?
I know this looks like a bait or troll post, but I swear this is real. I have enough self-awareness to notice how ridiculous I'm being, but that does nothing to actually counteract the ridiculousness. I mean, unless my judgement is off and I actually am in the wrong here, in which case please tell me. Thank you. I'm sorry.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "telling an intrusive mom off",
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AITA for telling an intrusive mom off?
|
So backstory: I am F25 with a F26 wife. We have one daughter F1 conceived via sperm donor, and I have full custody of my sister, F11, and am working on full custody of my other sister, F14.
I was picking up F11 with my wife and youngest, and she had a friend’s mom who wanted to meet me. Apparently, this mom wanted to meet her child’s friend’s parents before having them over, which to me is totally fine. So, I go over to introduce myself, and she immediately frowns.
“You’re F11’s mother? How old are you?” she asked. I noticed F11 frown; she’s been having a really hard time with the whole no real mom thing (our mother died of an OD and her father is in prison) and even though my wife and I try to be there for her, I know that sometimes there’s no substitute for the real thing. “Are you a teen mother? It seems everyone these days is loose.”
“I’m not her mother. I’m her sister, nice to meet you.” I said.
“And why’s that? Are you sure? Were you raped?” She fired off, and I. Saw. Red. As I type this, I’m still pissed.
“I don’t know why I even bothered introducing myself, it’s clear you’re nothing but a stuck up bitch?”
And then my wife came over with my daughter, and I found my sis (she ran off to play with her poor friend), so I told her the mother or her friend was being rude, and that it was fine if they hung out at our house, but unfortunately the mother was being rude about our situation.
So, am I the asshole? Wife says I wasn’t but as I grew up in an abusive environment I feel as if it’s my fault. Also I’m sorry if the details were blurry, I wrote this while feeding F1 and she kept batting for the phone and Km sleep deprived.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "asking my brother not to bring his husband to my wedding because of my fiancé's homophobic family",
"pronormative_score": 56,
"contranormative_score": 945
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WIBTA for asking my brother not to bring his husband to my wedding because of my fiancé's homophobic family?
|
My fiancé and I are a few months into planning our wedding and we are now deciding on who we are inviting.
My fiancé comes from a super conservative and religious background but has thankfully grown way form that (otherwise I couldn't marry her!)
Her parents however are still super conservative and homophobic and delight in talking shit and all sorts of horrible tings about the LGBT community. Other members of her family are like this as well, some more violently vocal than others.
Well, for our wedding we have decided that everyone we invite can bring a plus one (subject to our approval of course).
I thought about it for a really long time about my older brother and his husband (they've been married 3 years) and I don't want his husband to attend with him.
The drama if they attend together has the potential to get out of hand and that is something I don't want to have to deal with on my wedding day. My fiancé also agrees with me on this.
We can't not invite her parents and we can't not invite my brother so we felt our only option was to not invite his husband.
Who knows what could be said or done if he attends and yeah, we're being selfish but it's our wedding.
I'm really not sure how he'll react though. It took my brother a long time to accept himself and I'm sure this won't feel good but at the same time maybe his husband won't want to attend anyways.
I have nothing against my brother's husband. He is a lovely man but we are just trying to have the day go smoothly.
When we extend the invitations out I think I'm going to go to my brother in person and ask him not to bring his husband for all the reasons above.
So WIBTA if I asked him not to bring his husband?
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{
"description": "not wanting to host a party for my former high school club",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA for not wanting to host a party for my former high school club?
|
I’m a first year in college, and I used to be a coleader of a club in my high school. Every winter, I offered to host a party for the club members, and it became a sort of tradition. I thought my responsibilities ended once I graduated, but some of my senior friends currently in the club hit me up and asked to use my house again to host.
I don’t have anything against them, I love my junior club members and I made sure they didn’t mean to make me provide food or anything. But the way they proposed just rubbed me the wrong way. (Some of my other friends in college (jokingly?) volunteered my house without my knowledge, so I’m kind of irked at them as well.) Like, none of the current leaders volunteered to host, so instead of pressuring each other they just expected me to be able to host the party. I don’t think they really understand how exhausting it is, especially for me/my parents to deal with cleaning up afterwards.
I thought I was done with having to host stuff; I don’t want this to be a precedent for the club in the future. I’m a huge pushover so I agreed to host if absolutely nobody else could host it, but I still feel kind of resentful, and I’d feel guilty if I straight up cancelled. Am I the asshole? :/
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"description": "ditching my sister on new years",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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WIBTA if I ditch my sister on New Years?
|
This is going to be a bit of a long one so warning in advance. Essentially my sister sucks. She's selfish and manipulative and the more she drinks the more selfish she is.
I have a long history of her being an asshole to me especially around drinking and I do NOT want to spend New year's with her. Originally my husband and I were planning to have a nice calm New year's. Maybe go out for a drink or two and then just hang out at the house, but then she whined to our parents that she's sad and lonely and has no one to be with on New year's. When they asked me if she could come to our place I knew that I had to tell them yes because otherwise it causes all sorts of family drama and fighting (despite the fact that I've told them multiple times that I don't like being around her especially when she drinks).
The main reason that I don't like to be around her when drinking is she is very irresponsible. She likes to go home with groups of guys to hang out with or will leave the bar with them to walk around the city even though I've told her a million times that it's dangerous to do this when we've never met these people before. Her solution is always to drag me along with her and she guilts me into it by telling me that she will just go herself if I don't go with her (which is very dangerous). She does stuff like this all the time, and her excuse is that it's okay because she's sad and needs to party (long story short she's sad because she dropped put of high school to marry a guy we all told her was bad for her, then she got pregnant and was surprised when he left her for another girl despite him cheating on her before).
I feel like that excuse doesn't make up for her being such an asshole and I don't know why she has such an issue spending New year's with her daughter instead of making our lives miserable, but now I'm stuck with her.
I feel like I'd be able to tolerate her if she was less selfish but she only cares about herself. There was an incident about a year ago that really hilighted how little she cares about me and ever since I find it hard to be around her. Basically I had an issue with a boy not taking no for an answer and she made excuses for him and then slept with him herself a month or two later....
I know she's going to do stuff like this again and I'm tired of being dragged in to her assholery. Am I an asshole too if I decide to leave and 12:30 to go home and go to bed? I know that she will refuse to leave as usual and will try to guilt me into staying with her but I'm sick of it. Since my husband will be with me we will be fine but after we leave she would be by herself. Do I have to stay with her and babysit her until she finally decides to leave (aka when the bars close) or can I leave her there herself? She's an adult and I feel like after years of looking out for her if she's going to be knowingly unsafe it's not really my problem at this point. So WIBTA?
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{
"description": "not taking pictures for my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for not taking pictures for my boyfriend?
|
He lives quite far away and we don't see each other that often. In the beginning of our relationship, he would ask for pictures, and I said I didn't really like sending them. I would send try to send them for him though. I told him I would try and I did. Eventually my picture taking dropped off as I started to hate taking them so much and it made me unhappy. He wasn't happy with me. Because I always used to try, and now he feels I never tried at all. I felt I had to stop though. My view on sex had almost diminished and I didn't feel I wanted anything to do with it. I got intrusive sexist thoughts. Such as men always demand pictures and they will do anything to get them and prioritise sex which I know is not true and a terrible thing to perceive. My bf never demanded anything from me. He says he felt lied to because I used to take them but now I'm less wanting to. He says being far apart makes it difficult. He says that because we are together we should trust each other. I don't think I am the asshole for not taking pictures exactly, although I know it had a negative impact on him because we aren't together that often, but am I for taking the at first and always telling him I will try to send more and then suddenly being uncomfortable? I really would like to know.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "pulling my son from tackle football",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 5
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|
AITA for pulling my son from tackle football?
|
I like to think I'm right on this one, but posting to make sure I'm not missing anything. My son is 13, and his middle school is currently in off-season after their first year of football. He doesn't plan to join the team next year, because he's not as good as others, but he still loves to play along with other sports with friends. For the longest time, the wife and I didn't really give it much attention. Growing up, I played the same way, and the worst I came out with were a couple of fingers dislocating and a sprained knee. Some friends had it worse, but I guess I never considered my son's health until recently.
​
The problem is that he and his friends play tackle football without any pads or proper equipment every weekend. I got a call this past weekend from my son asking about an emergency. Some of them wear cleats (spiked shoes for better traction), and somehow, one of his friends got stepped on face first by the cleats and was bleeding like no other. He ended up going to the ER and getting stitches, but it certainly made me realize that playing tackle football without any protection can lead to far worse things. I know there's been a lot of discussion about concussions and I feel like that is only more expected if you're not wearing helmets.
​
So yeah, I told my son he can't play tackle football anymore. I'm fine if he and his friends want to play flag football, but my son started giving a huge fit. Got into an argument, told me he hates me, says how its unfair because I used to play without pads back in the day,how his friends are still planning to play next week, etc. My son has been radio silent with me and only talking with my wife. My wife is on my side, but she's playing the good cop in this situation so that he is communicating with one of us.
​
I feel like I offered a good alternative to play flag football. It's actually something I still play with some co-workers and it's great. But I just want to know if I made a mistake?
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HISTORICAL
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a55g39
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{
"description": "syphoning my friends gas",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
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|
AITA for syphoning my friends gas?
|
Just some background stuff. I always leave my home unlocked because I live in a small town and I’m stupid. About a week ago when I was a hour away from home, he says “I’m very sorry but, I borrowed $80 for an emergency”, I said ok but you are paying me back. 1 week later I wanted my money back and text him “do you have my money”? He’s says he will tomorrow because he gets paid. 1 day later. He posted on his instagram with showing he bought fallout 76 and rdr2. I texted him saying “ hey you have my money” he says he only had enough for bills, but I’m to pussy to call him out. 1 week later I need to pick up my check but only have 15 miles in my car left, I text him saying I need at least $5 he says he’s broke and at work I say ok. He has 2 cars he rotates and 1 was at his home. I drive to his house (we live close) with a syphone and take all most all the gas that was in his car. Then I pick up my check and text him “ I’m sorry but I took the gas out of your pt so no more worry’s about my money”. He texted my saying I need to pay him back immediately( I ignored him) and asking for money in a group chat because I stole from him ( I never wrote anything).
AITA for not finding a better way to deal with it?
This probably is unreadable but I’m on mobile
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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aejcg5
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{
"description": "being upset my recent ex texted me this",
"pronormative_score": 0,
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|
AITA for being upset my recent ex texted me this?
|
I tried being nice and helping him though some shit but honestly he treated me like shit so I was done. But he invited me over and just played video games all night and didn’t let me play and ignored my advances on him, he cried saying his ex didn’t tell him happy birthday yet totally ignored my message, he insulted my friend in front of all his friends, he would get blackout drunk a few times a month, he would regularly ignore my messages, I was the last one to be invited to his New Years party, he would point out how oily I was and how much dandruff I have (I have complained to him about these issues I had), he wouldn’t wanna cuddle, and he always complained that I never showed him my true feelings yet he literally didn’t show me emotions. I guess I freaked him out when I tried to get too close so I detached. I didn’t invite him to go to places with me, he didn’t meet my family, he didn’t meet my friends really, I never said I love you and I never intentionally left shit at his place. I tried really hard to not come on strong once he told me I went too fast too quick... i invited him on my vacation because I had planned it already and was going alone and I sent him nudes on the trip and he just said “your booty white” and ignored the message, and then later on I came home at like five am and he fucked me and went to sleep and didn’t even say thanks for my present, ever. I hid my feelings from him in fear of being hurt and hoping I could cope with them.
I texted him why I was mad (the reasons listed above)
He said: But one that I remember early on is you getting upset with me while you were in Hawaii for not really taking it that serious when you asked if I wanted to come join you (I literally asked if he wanted to go.... he said he couldn’t affford it and I said ok, i just thought it would be a fun thing but I understand... no pressure cause I know this is new, I’m just going alone so thought I’d ask). I made a joke about your tan line like the girl from the suntan bottle because I did not think I was insulting you but kinda being cute everyone has a tanline on their butt (I literally sent him a nude and he said “lol”) and you took great offense yo that and then when oh got back it was like super early and I did not think not freaking out you were back would be that big of a deal because we were going to hang out normal people times soon (he hardly talked to me, fucked me, went to sleep- I was gone for two weeks prior). I said I wanted you to tell me if I was doing things like that because I felt at that point I did not know what I was doing sometimes but maybe you were just more sensitive than I realized.
Then blackout drunk thing was bad (but more for me I just shouldnt be doing that stuff) but as you know people on drugs are not themselves and are very unaware of what they were doing then you played it cool at the time only to leave in the morning and the plan was to just necer talk to me or see me again ignore my calls (I answered his calls... ) and texts forcing me to go and try to get an explanation that could have been a little sign I cared ya know if you just ghosted me and I didn’t give a shit why would I go to your place I would have just been like cool now I don’t have to deal with it
I am not an alcoholic but I do have issues sometimes with taking my drinking too far and I guess my actions during those times are going to be put under a microscope the most instead of how I am sober. That is fine I was shitty to you those times I got drunk and I am sorry but as someone who said they have dealt with drug issues in the past maybe you could have talked to me about it and how the actual drinking was bothering you and how I acted during states of drunkenness were not okay and I would have listened not just ditch me and make me have to go to your place for you to finally tell me.
Sorry for being shitty I get the picture and I apologize. If you still just want to keep being mad and bring stuff up some more that is fine as well if it helps you out. And you can believe whatever you want to believe about me and my appreciation or feelings for you back then I know how I felt and that is fine again whatever helps you feel better. If you want to keep writing this stiff out I suggest doing it on a piece of paper or journal or something cuz me just responding and trying to make you not blame yourself is obviously riling you up and I am not responding anymore.
Sorry for everything you are a way better person than me so just take some comfort in the fact you don’t have to put up with my shit anymore. Feel better, goodbye.
Sorry I got frustrated earlier. Telling you I am not responding was a reactionary decision and it does not mean I am mad at you or do not respect what you have to say I apologize.
I still think it’s best for you to just forget about me, I am truly so sorry about us not working out and for doing things that made you upset. You don’t (and probably shouldn’t) respond but I did not want to have the last thing I say to you be while I was upset. You deserve better than that so I wanted to say Thank you for everything 🙏
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avvr83
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"description": "wanting a quiet night at home and getting a bit childish",
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|
AITA for wanting a quiet night at home and getting a bit childish ?
|
So I should preface that I'm already having issues with the neighbour (Noisy and smokes copious amounts of pot) involved in this story but I digress.
So this happened like an hour ago. I suddenly hear loud music coming from the flat underneath me. It's loud enough for me to feel the bass and hear the melody from below. I stamp my foot a couple times (not the first time this issue has happened and usually I get good results i.e music turned down) to no avail. I give it 20 minutes but its enough to distract me from what I'm trying to concentrate on.
I decided to play something relatively heavy and turn it up to 11 to drown her out at least and maybe get my point across. At this point my relationship with my neighbour is past a polite knock at the door and asking nicely.
So I turn the music on turn it to 11 and she turns hers up to 11 also. I decide this is the right time to go and get some milk so I creep out of my flat and leave the music blaring whilst I pop to the store.
By the time I got back my record had stopped and there was silence from below.
It worked but aita ?
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a32ag5
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{
"description": "not being sad over my dog's death",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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|
AITA for not being sad over my dog's death ?
|
Little background before jumping at the question.
Before her I never had a dog in my life, I adopted her at a shelter, she was 5 at the time, no idea of her race but she was abused, was here for a while, fully sprayed, quite tall and very cheap. I called her Mary and I always wished to travel with a best friend around the world (actually I was saving money for two humans, to go with my girlfriend at the time but we had to break up a few weeks before, so more money for a dog I guess.). And dogs are a girl best friend I heard. For 5 years I travelled with her and did all the continents (except Africa unfortunately) never alone. I always, *always* made sure she was alright, she was feeling good, she wasn't in pain. The only problem she ever had (aside from heavy anxiety the first months) was that she broke (?) her tail or something 3 years ago by waging it on a table. I took the boat with her, plane, car, van, bike, I did hiking, camping, everything, she saw a lot of places and was outside as much as she wanted. My sweetheart had an amazing life and I'm so so proud of her.
Now here's the problem, she died a month ago of old age. My tall girl died at 10. I have a group of friends who had a lot of animals all their lifes and still have respectively dogs, cats and lizards. I already was accused of not being able to bond with her because I adopted her at 5. Then of not liking her because I didn't like to take dozens photos/videos of her (I'm a freelance artist so instead of just taking a picture of her, I preferred drawing her on the scenery we were at.) then, now that she's dead and I said to them that I couldn't wait to save more money to get another dog and do the whole traveling thing again, they're telling me that I never loved her and that getting over her death so fast was "cheating". To be honest I don't see how I could be sad, I did my best to make her happy, I made her forget all her bad days, made sure that she was always ok, that she could see the whole world, I absolutely have *no regrets* whatsoever. I gave everything I had to her. Now I just hope that she's in the Dog Heaven telling all the others dogs what she saw and where she traveled.
All my friends are constantly saying things like "I had my cat for 15 years and when he passed out I cried for *weeks* because I loved him a lot, you obviously don't like your dog." "I take a picture of my dog *every single day* so I can see her everywhere when I need it because I love my dog, you took pictures of where you were at, not your dog, you obviously didn't like her." I'm not a professional Photographer. Taking a picture takes me 1s and it's not that personal to me. A drawing however, is. "I would *never recover* if I lost my Pitbull, and you're willing to get another dog already ??? You definitely didn't like her."
It's getting on my nerves a bit. But it's not only my friends who are saying this, literally anyone else have the same kind of talk when I talk to them about what we did together and how I wished to get another dog asap.
So, since my mother and I seem to be the only people ok with me not crying for years over losing a very good dog, am I the asshole for not being sad over her death ?
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RIGHT
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a84z1o
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"description": "talking to a friends girlfriend",
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|
AITA For talking to a friends girlfriend?
|
Henceforth, My friend will be named Ann and he shall be named Richard (because he's a dick.).
Ann and I have been friends for a couple years. She had recently began to date Richard a couple weeks prior to when we decided to go on a short, overnight holiday (With a few more friends of course). During the trip Ann basically blew off Richard to talk to, and be around, me (Which to be fair, was unusual). He began to get progressively more mad at me. He began doing spiteful things to me; treating me like shit basically. He told his side of the story to a mutual friend of ours and she told me to back off. Now, I had been interested in Ann in the past but that quickly faded as she expressed a disinterest. I took this as an opportunity to be closer with her which I deemed fair enough. Fast-forward 2 more weeks and, obviously, they broke up. Our mutual friend sided with me in the end but, the rest of our friend group didn't. I had been ostracised for no particular reason and Richard still treated me like shit. After he'd gone on a short rant spouting catty nonsense I made a remark to the effect of "Stop being so jealous."
*He Unpuckered his ass containing months of salt, spewing shit everywhere*
This was clearly the final straw. He quickly ripped me to shreds over minor things, claiming I was an egotistical cock-block of a human being. Things that he had never expressed in the past.
Yea, we no longer talk. But the rest of the friend group talks to me now.
AITA?
|
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auitdx
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{
"description": "questioning claims of racism",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for questioning claims of racism?
|
This happened years ago but I thought I'd share.
Friend = F
F started messaging me about how her college is racist and she is failing because of it. We are both Metis and have light skin, so it was odd. People can be very racist toward Indigenous People here but neither of us were noticeably Indigenous.
I asked for details and F said her prof had been asking her "super hard" questions during their classes and talked down to her. I asked F if she had reported the prof yet. F shrugged me off and said they "wouldnt believe her".
At first I was like, "okay fair enough." But F was graded on only the midterms and finals which were all multiple choice.
So I said, "You should definitely report it. If shes treating students like this she needs to go. How is it affecting your grades though if it gets marked by a computer? Maybe she's asking you the hard questions cause she thinks you are smart and know the answers?"
I asked mostly because I was hoping that there was some other explanation for it all.
I guess questioning her had angered her. I wasn't trying to offend her and was just trying to make sense of it all. F replied that the professor was just "really fucking rude."
So I kind of just shrugged to myself and messaged her back, "Are you sure it's because of race though? Maybe she doesn't like you for a different reason?"
This threw F into a rage. She ranted, "you're white so you don't understand. Your family hasn't been through what mine has been through." and "if you dont believe there is racism in the schooling system we can no longer be friends."
I was thinking of explaining myself, but I decided to just go to bed. I know there is racism and wasn't denying it.
(I will state that I dont tend to experience it myself because of my lightskin)
I definitely didn't think it was relevant to bring up our families or my similar-to-her skin colour.
I still feel that she was over reacting.
But AITA for questioning her accusations of racism?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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Xdzp0iD0IAHwcoRTxkt1QNTHSf6t5vVi
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abqqyz
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{
"description": "having a massive problem with fireworks in my neighborhood",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for having a massive problem with fireworks in my neighborhood?
|
As background, I have dogs that are terrified of loud noises, and I have a sensory issue with loud sudden noises that causes significant discomfort.
- Our neighborhood is on the outskirts of town. It is legal to discharge fireworks here.
- Our neighborhood is under an HOA, which forbids fireworks.
- Our neighbors throughout the neighborhood literally set off thousands of fireworks. We’re not talking the little stuff. We’re talking nice professional quality fireworks.
- This is the suburbs, and there is very little space between houses. The fireworks were set off in driveways and in the streets. Cleanup was attempted, but not thorough. I have several components of expended fireworks now littering my yard.
The drama here starts as so many do on Facebook. My wife made a post lamenting the fireworks in the neighborhood. We were told it’s normal around here and that we should have done our research and avoided the area if it was a problem. In our defense, we read through the HOA agreement, saw they were banned, and didn’t worry about it.
My concern is selfish. I hate having my animals scared shitless, I would like to sleep in a way that supports my odd schedule, and I have severe discomfort around loud noises due to a neurological issue. I feel like I should be able to remain relatively safe from things in my home, but the fireworks in the street in front of and behind my house made this impossible.
In addition, it pisses me off that we have several severely autistic kids in our large neighborhood, as well as a ton of veterans. A couple of whom definitely suffer PTSD, though I don’t know the specifics.
The Facebook comments became quite rude, telling us to “fucking leave if we don’t like it,” and to “quit being pussies and enjoy the holiday.” The death threats were obviously a joke, but not appreciated.
After reading through pages of comments, I made the (what I believed to be obviously tongue-in-cheek) comment (pulling from memory here) “I am glad to see so many people are so welcoming of loud noises in the neighborhood. Since it’s not technically illegal, I’m sure they wouldn’t have a problem with me setting up a shooting target in my back yard or hunting the deer and pig around the edges of the neighborhood. Who has an empty grill? I’ll bring the meat!”
I realized this could be taken wrong and deleted it less than a minute later. Someone then paraphrased it completely wrong saying I said I was going to start shooting in the neighborhood, and someone else asked them to send a report to the police. I actually wish I hadn’t deleted the comment now so that anyone interested could see exactly what was said instead of relying on the memory of someone that wants me out of the neighborhood.
I absolutely shouldn’t have engaged, and I really wish my wife hadn’t started it on Facebook, but am I the asshole here? It seems the entire community page thinks we should be kicked out of our house for saying no one should set off fireworks inside the neighborhood.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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NNsbtM0SQC6zYXVQlVz7zHekwfKzuP3d
|
b1xsfl
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{
"description": "making my Co-Worker work later",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for making my Co-Worker work later?
|
Alright, so, I've been working as a Dishwasher for just under a month at a small, locally owned restaurant. I'm assigned to work with this other guy who's been working there for about two years. He knows I'm new, but let me clarify I'm new, but not stupid. This is a really simple job that involves running dishes through a dishwasher, occasionally scrubbing, putting dishes away, mopping, and sometimes helping bus tables. I was capable by day three. It's really simple. My Co-Wrker loudly complains that we're going to get out very late tonight. (Closing time is 10:00, but dishes don't usually get out until 10:30, because we have to wait for all customers to be out, so the cooks can stop cooking, so they can give us their dishes.)
He keeps complaining, and the night manager and him are friends outside of work, and they both are standing five feet away from me, whining how much they hate 'newbies'. (They never mention me, or my name, but it's pretty heavily implied.) I'm getting really annoyed. At about 10:00, after 6 hours of listening to him complain, I decide I'm going to go as slow as possible, ask every dumb question, and make so many mistakes, we're going to be here way late. If he wants to complain about me being slow, I'll give him something to complain about.
We eventually wind up clocking out at 12:14, (Almost 2 hours after we usually would) and my Co-Worker informed me that I ruined his plans after work with his friends. I give him an 'innocent' shrug, smile and say, "Sorry, I guess I'm still learning."
AITA? Or was that just the right amount of revenge?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
24Zl5YU9R6eFIqbztTruDwlUXBmyAn4l
|
9z36up
|
{
"description": "getting a free taxi ride",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting a free taxi ride?
|
I went out for drinks with my colleagues after work one day this week and it went a bit later than expected. This meant that public transport (which I normally catch to and from work) was no long an option to get home. While I normally would catch an Uber, in my laziness I decided that catching a taxi would be easier.
I said where I was going and instead of driving to the location the driver started driving, then pulled over and asked Siri to take him to my destination. I stopped the driver and told him the main roads that he should take to get there.
About 25% of the way through the trip, the driver exclaimed “oh shit I forgot to start the meter”, I then told him to start it there, which he did. The driver then proceeded to drive to my destination despite the fact that no phone or GPS was directing him there.
When we got to my house the driver said he would add $5 to the meter fare, which is about 25% of the total fare. It is law where I live that a calculation device (I.e. a meter) must be used and so I said, no I would pay the meter fare, despite some very minor back and forth, I stuck to my guns.
The driver then said that I could have the trip for free even though I was still offering to pay the meter fare. I insisted again I was happy to pay the meter fare but the driver said he wouldn’t charge me.
Am I the asshole for asking to only pay the meter fare (and ending up with a free fare), when the meter fare plus $5 would have been pretty close to a full fare?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
EpsiTMg1JdphPM41cTvCo5PpyxnrFEsd
|
a04rh4
|
{
"description": "bringing up my sisters eating habits/very overweight",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA if I bring up my sisters eating habits/very overweight?
|
I mean, she weighs 250 pounds at least (she’s only 5 6, she’s considered obese) and whenever I’m with her she eats everything and drinks a bunch of soda.
I don’t want to be an asshole but at this rate she’ll cut her life span in half...
Should I talk to her about it? Or just leave it alone.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
yE6LLilvKPkCNLToDXJghMEToLfg03PO
|
akonn5
|
{
"description": "texting one of my exes while being engaged",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for texting one of my exes while being Engaged?
|
My fiancé has all my passwords, she generally trusts me and doesn’t look through my phone (probably mostly because i have my phone on me at all times) but one day she did and discovered that i had a very short conversation with an ex asking her to recover my email password that she stole. It went something like this
“Hey my email recovery email is you old email address, any chance you could change that password for me? I need to get into it”
“That’s an old email address i can’t get into.”
“K thanks anyway”
The end.
My fiance got mad at me, not because i texted an ex (who lives about 7 states away, we broke up when i moved) but because I didn’t tell her about it. It’s not like i have a history of cheating or anything like that, i didn’t say anything flirty to this girl, it just never crossed my mind that i should tell my fiancé because it was literally nothing but an uncomfortable conversation that I didn’t want to have with an ex that I haven’t talked to or seen since 2012. AITA not not mentioning it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
YWThqJAMOwdDksEBdIWsBRQvWSuZwBfA
|
b1478y
|
{
"description": "venting using someones first name",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for venting using someones first name?
|
AITA for using someones first name extensively in a venting post on r/venting? Just first name, no age, last name, middle names, locations, appearance or any other personal information.
After I vented I told them and they told me to take it down after saying "You have posted my name and slated me for the whole internet to see". So I took it down after I told him that there were no specifics to his identity at all. He also added that he could slate me back.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
OCUYyivuPwun6QQ1l23BUbUzCF3r5LE4
|
ak5my4
|
{
"description": "ditching my girlfriend's family dinner to go study for a hard class",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA ditching my girlfriend's family dinner to go study for a hard class
|
My girlfriend's parents got divorced and her mom's got a new boyfriend. Her mom wants us (girlfriend & me) to double-date with her and a few aunts/uncles tonight.
Girlfriend feels uncomfortable about the whole thing and wants me to come with her so she feels less uncomfortable.
I'm stressed with work and am also taking classes part-time. I don't have time to waste (even on a Saturday night) so I declined going. Honestly, I'd rather spend my time studying.
She's mad at me for not going. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
A5WA0FpLHdFgnUOj0aZy1Dec0DC54Ogr
|
b8s70z
|
{
"description": "getting upset about my old ass car",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting upset about my old ass car?
|
So I own an old 80's Toyota. Paint is shit and haven't driven it for almost a year.
Having spent a good amount of money to get it where it is mechanically, it's now just sitting out there collecting dust, leaves, cobwebs, you name it. But I can dust off the ol' jalopy, turn the key and she'll start right up (assuming the battery hasn't died). It's always been a reliable car.
I live in an apartment with assigned parking. Today without prior notice to this happening, management decided to fix their gate enclosure to the property parking lot. My car happens to be right next to where the gate is supposed to be (Drivers side).
I'm coming back from work and I see this happening. Two men working on the putting up a 5-6 foot tall fence, I see they decided to place their water bottle on the roof of my car, grinding away on the iron and all their metal grinding is hitting my car. I don't say anything and go straight to property management (PM) about this to complain.
I tell PM that the two workers iron grinding is hitting my car and PM asks if they damaged my car. I said as far as I know they haven't but they're grinding is landing on my car. Yes my paint is shit and there are dings on it but I feel like it's disrespectful to do this to my car regardless of the condition it's in. PM looked at me after I explained the situation and asked, "but they didn't damage your car right?". I walked out after finding out they'll be working there for maybe a couple of weeks.
PM probably thinks this is a non issue i'm sure but AITA for complaining? Regardless of what was paid for the car, $200 or $20,000, you don't mess with another person's car!
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Fnn8LKSGHTzWajWmKxTF505lasDmu9Ko
|
9turr5
|
{
"description": "defending myself about Borderline Personality disorder",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for defending myself about Borderline Personality Disorder?
|
\[TL;DR at bottom\] Okay, a little history first. I was diagnosed with BPD in my early 20s, which was unsurprising given my personal history. I'd had a pretty messed up childhood and was already dxed with a handful of neurological and mental illnesses. I was in a bad place, with a severe drinking problem, self-harming, and suicidal ideation. I was also a terrible horrible person to live with - I take full accountability for that. Regardless of the mental pain I was in, there is no excuse for my behaviour during those years. I was absolutely the asshole, and I'm not looking for redemption in that regard.
​
So, fast forward to my late 20s. I'm engaged to the wonderful woman who is now, still, my wife. She's American, I'm British, and she had just spent 4 years earning a degree in the UK. We're talking about me moving back to America with her, but she's frank with me - if I don't get my act together, it won't work out. At the time, I'm filled with despair and self-loathing, but I know she's right. So I do the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life - I admit I need help and I get help.
​
I spent 6 months in an intensive DBT program, spilling out my guts, facing some very hard truths, and ultimately rebuilding myself from the ground up. The first few months were agonising, but about halfway through, I hit a major breakthrough. I even stopped drinking (I'd been getting blackout drunk every weekend) and went 18 months without touching a drop. I applied my new skills to my relationship, and by the time the 6 months was over, I had stopped self-harming and acting out, and was dealing with upsets and disappointments like an adult instead of throwing a toddler tantrum. It was hard work, but the payoff was amazing.
​
So, fast forward to today. I'm living in America with my wife and I haven't relapsed. We're happy. I'm proud of my amazing wife for standing by me through it all, and I'm proud of myself for getting here. I'm far from perfect - I fight my demons daily. But they don't win any more. Which leads me to the AITA:
​
I often run into people (mostly online, but 'IRL' too) commenting about people with BPD, saying "they're irredeemable psychopaths" and "they're malicious and sadistic and they LIKE hurting people, so they'll never change" and it stings me. I have had people suddenly turn on me when we're talking about our backgrounds and I mention the BPD (I don't volunteer it all the time, just when talking about health etc). Suddenly they don't trust me and they want to know how many partners I've "been through" (just the one, btw. Wife is the only person I've ever been in a serious relationship with and I've known her since we were teens).
​
So AITA if I defend myself in those situations? I'm acutely aware that some people HAVE been badly hurt by people with personality disorders, and I don't want to diminish that. On the other hand, being told I'm a monster and a disgusting sadistic psychopath by people who believe I'm irredeemable just because I have/had a mental illness is painful. Especially after fighting so hard to better myself. So, AITA if I say I worked hard to overcome my BPD and people with personality disorders aren't necessarily lost causes? I've been accused of "still being BPD because \[you're\] craving validation" because of it, and so it puts me in a weird spot. I don't want to just agree that, yes, we're all horrible people... but standing up for myself about it seems to make people upset. Asshole judgement please?
​
TL;DR: I have BPD but spent a lot of time and effort getting help, quitting drink, stopping self-harm and temper etc. I know that ppl with BPD have caused harm to others, but I also feel like it's unfair that all ppl with it are deemed "irredeemable monsters and psychopaths" by some people I've talked to. AITA for standing up for myself in those situations?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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sxFXNDIRpoBmsw7XPjeXQ6KhXP4kIdsC
|
9wtwoj
|
{
"description": "getting angry and feeling hurt by my guardian",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting angry and feeling hurt by my guardian?
|
A few things I should mention me and my guardian have a rocky relationship or one where it isn't really there at all in my opinion as I'll see them maybe a few times a day or sometimes not at all despite living in the same house. Me and my sibling have a small age gap by only a few years we also live in the same house. I'm not lazy, I do exercise in my room, depending on the weather I do go out for walks, I do go out and work with horses, it's not a completely active life style but it isn't lazy either. In my opinion respect must come from both ways, like you should respect the elderly they should respect the youth. This is just so I don't clutter up the paragraphs with information I should've added before.
​
Someone very recently passed away in my family, they were close, I was close with them, we had plans to go out and have lunch together once they were recovered properly from a few illnesses. They were doing so well and they sadly passed away very suddenly, no one expected it, we even had a holiday planned. It was very emotional, the doctors who worked to save them even teared up themselves when they had to stop which I don't think I've ever witnessed before in a hospital.
​
I hadn't been asleep and my questions were ignored as soon as my guardian was home, I was very annoyed by this so I just went back to my room after they waited for everyone to get out of bed and sit down to tell everyone. That I know was very asshole of me because I wanted my answers so I didn't have to be around everyone else. I fucking hate being around people during mourning.
​
The day afterwards I was forced to leave the house, I didn't really want to do much that day, I was upset, I wanted to rest a bit before I was forced to see the world and face hundreds of "I'm sorry, talk to me for comfort, poor depressed human!!". Unfortunately I was forced to leave, I was even more upset when I learned my younger sibling was given permission to just stay in bed but I was forced to get out of the house? I hadn't even done anything, as mentioned I don't talk to anyone, I just stay in my room. It's rare to see me out of my room and for some to even see me at all.
​
The person who I went to when I was made to leave who said I didn't have to leave today if I didn't want to and I told the truth, I was made to leave, didn't have much of a choice in the matter. My guardian found this out earlier and had a lovely conversation about how they were basically stopping me from being lazy and I should never tell anyone that I was forced to leave the house. I just went back into my room, and didn't come out. I wasn't going to talk to them about this when they were easily turning it into an argument by interrupting me and speaking over me which is something I find rude.
​
The tone they said it in though has made me think twice, I now feel guilty because I told someone I was forced to leave while my sibling was allowed to stay. Right now I have mixed thoughts of "I have a right to be hurt that I was pushed away then told off like a child" and "I am guilty because I am angry that I was forced to leave for the day". I know I was an asshole in the beginning of finding out the news but I'm not sure if I am still the asshole for getting hurt and angry by how I am being treated. What does this look like?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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2FRlR9LgF44XWsAaQ1n9oAHacJzDQpAs
|
arsw80
|
{
"description": "writing an anonymous letter to my friend's pastor about the corrupt \"Mommy Group\"",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I wrote an anonymous letter to my friend’s pastor about the corrupt “Mommy Group”?
|
I’ve asked a couple people in real life (the thing outside the internet) what they think, but I know my age/socio-economic/political stances have brought me to friends who think similarly to me, and therefore would not be able to give me a non-biased opinion.
Background:
My best best friend in the whole wide world does not vaccinate her kids. She was first turned onto this by the “Mommy Group” at her church.
Her church/religious background: my friend was raised in a cult and unfortunately bears the scars of someone introduced to ultra-extreme conservativism at a young age. Even though she fled the cult, she gravitated to a man who made her join his religion to be with him (publicly, I might add as they’d been sleeping together for a while). She gave up dreams to be a doctor for this guy and dropped out of college and used her college savings on a wedding.
Although I was sad about this, and even a down right bitch at times, I’ve learned that friendship is about staying supportive through the hurdles. We’ve had gaps in our friendship before from fights that devastated us and it would be too difficult to do this again.
The Issue:
The church has “Elders” who manage the church. Enter 7 nondescript aging white guys. The “Elders” (not kidding, that’s their name), have women and male groups split up and it’s clear that while the men talk business and the future of the church, the women have been overcome by anti-vaccine propaganda. It’s very clear that the “Elders” are not involved nor concerned about the stuff in the women’s group, and I really don’t think they know the levels of insanity this group is at right now.
I’m so so tempted to write to the pastor, as my friend (who is very young and impressionable) really doesn’t do anything her pastor won’t tell her to do. She would be personally offended if I said anything to her about her kids. As much as I’m disappointed in my friend, I’m mostly pissed off at the mommy group for brainwashing the young moms. My friend went through post pardum depression and I feel like they knew how to exactly sink their claws into her when she was so vulnerable.
Her kids are truly wonderful and I get upset every time I see a kid with measles because it’s so preventable. A ton of moms now don’t vaccinate and they work together on getting paperwork finalized for religious exemption or they pull their kids from school to home school them.
I worry for her and her beautiful family, but I really want to give a fucking wake up call to the pastor who does not have any idea this is being taught in his church.
I feel like I’m obsessing or being controlling, and I can handle the honest truth as this has been on my mind for some time. I unfortunately grew up ultra religious and I know the pain that comes from that may make me more upset than the average person.
TL;DR: friend’s church has a mommy group that is teaching anti-vaccine propaganda to young, new moms without the churches knowledge. I would like to write an anonymous letter to their pastor to tell him about the uprising of anti-vaxx propaganda from their women’s group.
Hoping for clarity
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
lj4WIddla6KjEmRtCcnRzRKau4eX9xLw
|
b1ye12
|
{
"description": "not giving my STBXW the carpet shampooer",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not giving my STBXW the carpet shampooer?
|
I bought my STBXW a carpet cleaner / floor shampooer probably 10 years ago. She's moving her stuff out today and says she wants her carpet cleaner. I say no. She says it's her's and I bought it for her.
I did buy her one, 10 years ago. We used it, and over time it wore out, the motor broke and it was thrown away. We went without one for several months until we needed one again. I took it upon myself one day to just go out and buy one because we needed one for something that needed cleaned up. She thinks she's entitled to this newer one, because I had bought her a different one 10 years ago.
AITA for not letting her have this newer one because I consider these 2 carpet cleaners to be 2 completely different items not related to each other or was the act of buying one for her in the past entitle her to this one as well?
If any of this is relevant:
We've always had seperate finances, so both in question were bought with my money. Her new place has hardwood floors, so the only use would be for the upholstery attachment or maybe on area rugs, as opposed to my place (marital home which I'm keeping and buying her out of) which is carpet. Each of us has one of the kids. Everything else we've split was clear who it belonged to and has been civil.
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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Cjy0JAjGoFhLRveZDCGvI2OxAAtwvbCY
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b3imli
|
{
"description": "acting like a brat towards my dad",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for acting like a brat towards my dad?
|
I'm very not sure if this breaks the non violence rule?? I wouldn't call it violence exactly? I'm not sure please let me know.
Ok, i think this will be long so tldr at the end.
First time poster, throwaway, on mobile, english is my second language (i'm also 14 so don't expect much) etc. etc..
Backstory:
Been bulimic for 2 years but my parents recently found out. I'm in "recovery" rn, i'm barely trying but my parents think otherwise.
Things aren't going so great, i'm at home 24/7, no school and no friends as i've become more depressed than ever. Because of this i'm in a bad mood all the time and i take it out on my parents unfortunetly. I do stupid stuff like, not saying thank you, giving short answers or simply ignoring them. Sometimes though i'll lash out by throwing stuff and slamming doors. It's so childish of me,but i just feel really really angry. This has never been a problem before i've started "recovery"
My dad gets pretty frustrated by this, probably because i never tell him why i'm angry. Most of the time i'm just angry bc of "everything" but the tiniest thing will tick me off and I lash out. I know i'm the asshole for all of this but i just keep doing it.
The actual situation:
Tonight it was just my dad and i. We ate supper and afterwards I had 1.5 hours of surveillance time. We talked about something and i snapped at him. He got irritated but let it go.
Minutes later we were in the kitchen. On my way out i tipped over a chair on purpose so it fell. My dad got really frustrated, he asked me why i was angry but i didn't answer. He said something like "oh ok! Let's just throw all the furniture around! There's no problem with that!!" and he started shoving and pushing furniture so it fell to the ground.
I ran upstairs to my bedroom but he followed. He yelled at me to come downstairs (surveillance time wasn't over yet) but i refused. That's when he grabbed my arm firmly and started dragging me downstairs. I screamed for him to let go. It hurt but it didn't leave a mark or anything.
Tl;dr:
My dad and i got into an argument bc i was acting childishly, we both threw furniture and he forcibly grabbed my arm.
This hasn't happened before. Well, he has grabbed my arm like that once when i got angry and refused to eat. I know I acted like a brat I just didn't expect him to react that way and I got really scared.
Some time later he asked me to watch tv with him. I didn't answer him. He said he "was sorry for whatever he did", i just got up and left.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
CqwZDq5xzkBLKQkWgW2mSjyxhijfOc26
|
b0u054
|
{
"description": "not returning the second pack of cookies I got from my workplace's vending machine",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I don't return the second pack of cookies I got from my workplace's vending machine?
|
So today I (26M) was at work, and I wanted some cookies from the vending machine during lunch. The first pack got stuck and the machine kept trying to push them to fall so eventually two packs of cookies were now pushed and both fell. I said "Yes!" and offered a pack to my co-worker (35~45M) who was on the phone. He declined and continued on his call.
Then I go to the lunch room to enjoy my first pack of cookies and my co-worker comes in and gives me some kind of fatherly speech about the morals of taking something that isn't yours and how I should probably return them to the HR lady to figure out what to do with them while the vending machine operators come in. He wasn't being a jerk but it fell kinda like he was talking down to me, ultimately ending with "I won't judge you, you decide what you do."
My other co worker was on the lunch room and told me, after first coworker left, that he shouldn't be telling me what to do in that manner. He didn't say anything about what to do with the cookies but what I basically got from him was that I shouldn't listen to people talking to me like that.
So I really didn't take it personal, but I'm more worried about how I'm perceived in my workplace if I don't return the cookies. I know that on a public one I wouldn't care, but I never thought a 75c pack of cookies would even matter.
For some context, I received a second smartphone back in November from an online retailer and I returned it, imagining that might cost some poor guy's paycheck, but 75c of cookies I'll take them without thinking twice. AITA if I keep the cookies?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
aamjg3
|
{
"description": "getting involved in a conversation between a mother and a child",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for getting involved in a conversation between a mother and a child?
|
I was in NYC this past week doing some business-related stuff. I went into the public restroom of the office building I was in, and there was a mother and a child (about four or five) washing their hands. The conversation went like this:
Mother: What do you want to eat for dinner?
Child: Something sweet and yummy!
Mother: Sweet and yummy? Like what?
Child: Pizza!
Mother: Oh, I don’t think the pizza in New York is known for being all that yummy. I think pizza in England and Germany is a lot yummier. I’ll tell you what, we’re flying to London tomorrow, and we can have lots of yummy pizza there.
I was confused because I thought New York-style pizza was considered to be pretty fucking delicious by most. I mean, I’ve never even heard anything related to pizza in England or Germany. (It is worth noting that I have lived pretty close to New York my whole life, so I may be biased/poorly informed.) So I chimed in and said, “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, but I do think New York pizza is probably more well-known than London pizza. Might be worth a try.”
To this the mother shot me the DIRTIEST look and proceeded to not respond, while the child eagerly said, “Let’s get pizzaaaaaaa.” I walked out of the bathroom after that.
I recounted this story to my friend, who said that the mother probably just didn’t want to eat pizza, maybe the kid was lactose intolerant, they probably had a ton on this trip, etc. She said I was the asshole for getting involved in this mother’s parenting. I thought I was just being helpful since 1. It didn’t sound like the mother was against them eating pizza; she just seemed to think NY pizza wasn’t all that good and 2. Why would she ask the kid what she wanted to eat unless she was genuinely interested in the kid’s opinion?
I didn’t mean to intrude on a private conversation, and obviously if it was clear that the mother was telling a white lie to the child for parenting reasons (“No, honey, Santa IS real”) I would’ve kept my mouth shut. So what do you think, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
b0iqym
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{
"description": "being upset at my mom for asking others about my personal life before asking me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset at my mom for asking others about my personal life before asking me?
|
First of all, I'm a pansexual man who has been dating a trans man for just over 4 months. This is my first relationship with someone other than a straight girl.
My mom, in the past, has told others things about me that are very personal and without my knowledge. It often results in extremely embarassing moments for me where someone will ask me about something I have no idea why or how they know these things about me.
She also recently outed her brother as gay to me and my sister, which I don't believe he knows she did.
Over about the past 3 months, she has been repeatedly asking my sister about my relationship with my boyfriend, which I have not told my mom we are dating. She told her "why don't you just ask him", as I have asked my sister to not share anything about it with her. My sister has told me that it happens almost every time she sees her. She has yet to ask me more than "Why do [SO]'s parents call [SO] 'her' and you call [SO] 'him'?" to which i replied he is trans, and it's easy for me to not misgender him since I've always known him as male, and his parents aren't entirely used to that concept yet.
This past weekend, my sister told me that she specifically asked her if we were dating. The reason I'm upset about this is because I feel it is super intrusive and deceptive to try and find out this information behind my back. I'm officially out of the closet to everyone that I talk to besides my parents, specifically because I know my mom has divulged personal information in the past.
Because this is particularly personal information, and she has outed her brother to me in the past, I don't feel comfortable with her finding out through asking other people because I don't want to be outed to a few specific people I have not told yet (family friends mostly, parents are friends and I'm friends with their kids). Some of my best childhood friends are homophobic and I'd like to have the chance to explain to them on my own terms, without having them know before I know.
The day after my sister told me she asked if we were dating, my sister and I both visited my parents for supper and for me to grab a few more things (Just recently moved to my own apartment). The entire time, my mom did not ask a single question about my relationship with my boyfriend.
As I was leaving, I told her, verbatim "I don't like it when you talk about me behind my back." She either had no idea what I was talking about, or just chose not to respond. So later in the night I sent her a text message saying:"If you have questions about my personal life you need to ask ME and not [Sister]. I am super insulted that you are going behind my back and I think it's a pretty fucking stupid way for you to lose my trust so please, ask ME anything."
I feel like with that text I covered the fact that I know she's asking about my personal life behind my back, that I don't appreciate it, and that she should ask me anything.
It's been 2 days now, no response yet.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
as5d8h
|
{
"description": "refusing to wear the promise ring my boyfriend gifted me",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to wear the promise ring my boyfriend gifted me?
|
When we started dating I told my boyfriend I didn't want promise rings, I don't like it.
I don't really have a good reason, I normally like jewelry and wear them. I just don't like promise rings.
So we had Valentine's day plus our one year anniversary. He got us promise rings. I told him to get his money back I wasn't going to wear it.
He said I should take it and keep it wherever I wanted (he was visibly upset of course - and I did try to be as kind as I could when refusing the gift he knew I didn't care for). (Btw I'm 20 and he's 23)
So I took it and he was wearing his ring all the time, our friends were talking about it and saying that I was being TA. That I should compromise in this small thing to make my boyfriend happy.
So I said to him I could put it on a necklace or carry with me in my wallet. He got angry asking why I wanted to appear to be single ...
ughh that was never the point and now he acts like wearing something is a proof of love and commitment that I won't do and he will.
AITA here???
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
aqr2km
|
{
"description": "being unresponsive to my friend that wants to hang out often",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being unresponsive to my friend that wants to hang out often?
|
I'm at a college where it's common to be involved in clubs, 15+ units, and working on projects. I met a really cool friend last year, but it became clear than I like to be involved in a lot of stuff while he likes to relax, cook, play videogames, and just do school. Nothing wrong with that, but it's a big contrast to the rest of the group we study with, because they're really involved in things as well. He would complain to me about how everyone works too much, how they keep saying no to hanging out because they're busy, how they would bail, etc. I didn't see it that way because they want to focus on other things and don't want to hang out as often as him. It just seemed like he was complaining that they didn't live their lives how he lived his life. Sometimes I would say no to his hangouts as well since I was busy, and he would say stuff like " I'm used to it", " At least I tried.", "Yeah, I expected it". But he would ask me like every other day. He doesn't have a car so people would have to drive him to wherever we would hang out. The frequency and his responses would get annoying so I Just started saying no because I didn't like how he would try to make me feel bad about not wanting to do something. I explained this to him about how this is guilt-tripping and how those responses are passive-aggressive, but he says that's just how he jokes and that I shouldn't take it too hard. He does it less, but he still does say stuff like " I tried." and " I'll keep trying because I think you guys are worth it". He makes it seem like we're burdens and that he just has to deal with us. I recently told him I just want my own space and I'll probably say no to most of his hangout requests. I just don't want to be around him anymore because he doesn't accept how some people like to live their lives. He recently was disappointed that I wanted to go for a Master's because he didn't understand why I didn't just want a chill year. Sure I get stressed from doing so much sometimes, but it makes me happy and I'm not going to sacrifice that to meet his social needs. We used to message and talk every day, but now I don't respond to his texts unless it's urgent and I just say no to every hangout request. He's still a good friend and I'm sure he means well, but he's pushy and needy and I don't need that in my life.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
anpcdn
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to stop being friends with his ex",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to stop being friends with his ex?
|
My bf(20) and I(f23) had a long conversation about our past relationships and just experiences. He told me he thinks he still loves his ex and he wonders if he made the right choice breaking up with her. No shit, he told me that right after I told him I was raped. Talk about insensitive timing. Naturally, I told him right then that I wasn't comfortable knowing that, like I'd always be number 2 in his mind. He just got wildly mad at me for even suggesting I had a problem with this new knowledge and refused to talk about it. I said if he still loved her to be with her instead, and he just shut down.
​
About a week after that, we hung out and I saw that his ex was his top friend on snapchat. I tried to forget that he still loved her and just drop it because I do care about him, but seeing that they talked all the time on an app that doesn't keep messages didn't sit right with me. (Also, after proofreading, he did tell me they talk all the time too. It isn't just my brain going loony mode.) I asked him if he could stop talking to her as much because I wasn't comfortable with this and again he got mad at me, saying they're best friends and that's mean to her. She's even messaged me and told me they're best friends and not to get in the way.
​
I guess, what makes me question if I'm the asshole, is that I won't stop being friends with my male friend after this. He's told me I need to but I don't see the equivalence. I've been friends with "Pete" for well over 5 years. We never loved each other, we've just been really good friends. Nothing has ever happened between us. We don't even hang out, we just play video games sometimes.
​
I don't try to police who he talks to, in fact I could care less about any other girl. Does me not wanting him to continue talking to his ex make me the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
FOzycpTFk9UV3j9k9gsoM24NACjb03vD
|
ami02j
|
{
"description": "being upset with my mom after she called a place I owed money to",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for being upset with my mom after she called a place I owed money to?
|
Let me start by saying I love my mother and we have a fantastic relationship.
In December I moved out of an apartment I was leasing, before my lease was up. I didn’t tell anyone except my boyfriend who I was moving in with. I still had three months on the lease and was planning on paying it in full this month.
Recently my mom, who co-signed my lease, found out from me that I was no longer living there and I told her my plan to pay it off. She seemed on the same page.
A couple days ago she tells me she called the apartment complex and she was very upset I hadn’t called them to work out a payment plan.
I am upset at her for contacting them without asking and that she started the process of them tracking me down for payment.
Am I an asshole for being upset?
I’m 27 years old, and my mom is heavily involved in my finances against my wishes.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
qHeqLwIgsmwMXOO7pmg8RfI4pNWIpJMh
|
an31xu
|
{
"description": "wanting to call into work",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to call into work?
|
I work Saturday, Sunday, and Moday on a 12 hour shift. Saturday and Sunday (yesterday) I've had this headache that made me feel sleepy, dizzy, and light headed. I work at a warehouse and this isn't good, right?
But my mom seems to think otherwise. She just gets so mad and insults me every time I want to call into work, and today isn't any different.
Am I wrong for wanting to call in? I'm 22 and she treats me like I'm some little kid. I don't know if I'm just being a brat and should just suck it up, or if I'm in the right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
cttxDJhHpG33gSZKsLa11RWewuxAhtvO
|
a5s73d
|
{
"description": "being jealous of my fiancè for buying a switch",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For being jealous of my fiancè for buying a Switch
|
To be specific, 3 nintendo switchs. Throwaway for too much identifying information.
My fiancè works for a big company that rhymes with Malmart, and for those of you who don't know on black friday they get a discount that stacks on top of their employee discount plus the black friday discounts, which means a lot of savings for the employees. One or two days before the Thursday (the day Malmart had black friday this year) and excitedly told me he was putting not one but two switches on layaway.
This made me excited for a few reasons:
1. I have only had 3 handheld gaming devices in my life, the gameboy colour, gameboy advance, and a PSP when it first came out.
2. His only hobby is gaming. Since its his only hobby it is the only thing we do together other than talking or watching shows or go on dates. We are long distance so gaming is the most easiest convenient way for us to bond.
3. Due to my situation I dont have any consoles, and the last one I owned was a PS3. I don't even own a TV. He has a PS4, xbox360, xbox one, and a Nintendo 3ds. Because of this we can only play games on PC but my little laptop is getting old and has started having issues with running games and overheating, and he only consistently plays one game with me anyway which happens 3/4 times a week.
He never specifically said the switch was for me, but from the context and tone of voice he seemed to imply it was for me. I found out maybe a week later that the second switch was for his dad because of a text message blunder between him and his dad on his mums phone. I was disappointed, sure, but I'm sort of used to not really being able to indulge his hobby with him unless he's in the mood to play that one PC game with me. However since it was for his dad and his dad's had a rough time over the past few months it was really nice and I'm proud of him for spending his money that way.
Fast forward to today when he went and paid off his layaway for not two but three switches. Who is the third one for you ask? His best friend. Who doesn't have a job. Owns all the consoles he owns. That's when I got sad and a bit jealous and feel like an asshat for being this way about how he spends his money.
I just want to give a little more context on why I'm upset about this. I sent him around $300 worth of Christmas presents (and a blanket I worked about 30 hours on knitting) that arrived this morning, he knows what they are, and when asked what he's getting me for Christmas (I'm not a fan of surprises) he said himself. He will be coming to see me next month, yes, but I paid for half of his plane tickets and this is his first trip to come see me. All of my trips to see him were paid for myself alone. He doesnt have bills other than paying rent once a month from living at home and takes home around $300 a week, after bills I take home around ~$100 a week If i pick up extra shifts.
Please tell me if I'm the asshole and overreacting, I just need to know where to direct my feelings from here.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
axr3rv
|
{
"description": "being upset that my boyfriend is about to get an amazing job in another state",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset that my boyfriend is about to get an amazing job in another state?
|
My boyfriend (18M), we'll call him A, and I (18F) have been dating for nearly 3 years, and we are both going to school in different states, so we've been long distance about 7 months now. We definitely fight much more when we're long distance compared to when we're together, and it's making us both sad to be apart for so long, some days it feels like it's not worth it.
So A is really great at tech stuff, and already had an internship working with drones and FPGAs in high school, and now he went to this job fair at his college a few weeks back, fast forward to today, he got a confirmation for a job with one of the big 4 tech giants in the US. Problem is, job is in Texas, we live in Virginia, and right now I go to school in VA and he goes to school in Michigan.
I really want to be supportive because this job is going to make A really successful and it's going to set him up for a great life with a great job and a million opportunities. But the only thing is, I'd never see him, not until December this year. The only thing that keeps me happy enough in long distance was the fact that we'd see each other over the summer every year and then we'd be fine. I really don't want to wait around all summer and next semester just to see him 10 days a year (the 10 days our winter breaks overlap). I feel like it's unfair to me because I wouldn't go job hunting thousands of miles away when I know he would want to be with me over the summer, but I also really feel like a terrible person for wishing he never applied for this internship and wishing he never got it so he could spend summer with me instead. He really deserves the job and a more supportive girlfriend, but I think I also deserve someone who wouldn't leave me hanging like this.
AITA?
TL;DR- boyfriend got a great job over the summer, we're already long distance bc of college, now we'll be long distance over the summer too for the next 4 years. AITA for wishing he never got this really amazing job?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
LyzWcLCIBNQ2Y3MTT51wLClGuzHnCqC0
|
ancesd
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my gf for changing our evening plans and ignoring my messages regarding them",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my (27m) gf (25f) for changing our evening plans and ignoring my messages regarding them?
|
Background - it's after work, I've had a long day and we have made plans to go for a run and play golf when we get home.
She's been out all afternoon with her mother and sister and I'm waiting for the train home. We're texting back and forth and we work out it will be slightly quicker for me to come to them and for us to get a lift home with her mother than to wait for the train so I uber out to them (about 2km but 25 mins in Melbourne CBD rush hour)
Before I ordered the uber I explicitly texted "do you promise that we'll go home the minute I get there" to which she replied yes.
So when I get to them she says that we're going for a drink in the south suburbs (we're currently in the north so it'll take a while to get there) and I get annoyed and ask if she's taking the piss in front of her mother and sister.
She explains that she wasn't really reading my messages as they were shopping and that she thought I would have been open to the idea of staying out.
I feel that she's refusing to see that the only reason I went out to them was because of the promise of going home straight away as we had plans that we were looking forward to and she's refusing to accept blame for this and is instead focusing on my negative reaction.
Things got really heated and spiralled with neither one of us backing down.
Am I the asshole for getting mad at my girlfriend in front of her mother and sister because she switched up the evenings plans in this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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WRONG
|
dYezJsGYl1fxK96menHcZDQFUAVgmP7G
|
b7xhqn
|
{
"description": "throwing out a bunch of packed away stuff without consulting my wife",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
WIBTA if I threw out a bunch of packed away stuff without consulting my wife?
|
Okay, so my wife and I have moved quite a bit throughout our relationship, and as such, thinfs have gotten packed and unpacked and mixed around numerous times. We've been married going on 4 years, and together almost 8, and in that time, we've moved 6 times (needed more room due to pregnancy, helped family, landlord neglect, etc. Not poor financial decisions). We've been at our current spot about a year and a half, and there's still shit packed away. Mind you, some of this shit has been packed away for nearly *three years* (the second last move, we moved into her mom's to lend her a hand due to declining health, so we rented a storage unit for most of our stuff). I've asked her about taking care of it several times, as it's mostly her stuff, because when I left my parents house, it wasn't on great terms, so I pretty much just brought clothes, my phone, and a few other things (not that I had much else anyway), but she always finds some excuse not to do it. The fact that it's been packed away for so long, and we aren't going "hey, where is (insert item here)? I haven't seen it in ages", kinda shows that nothing essential is packed.
I've been debating whether or not to go through it myself, save anything potentially sentimental and trash the rest. On one hand, it's cluttering our house. It's not hoarder level, and we're not living in squalor, but the unnecessary few boxes and few bags of jackets/blankets/old clothes that are still against the wall in our kitchen/in our front closet is getting irritating. On the other hand, I don't want to go through it, and then have her eventually want to go through it and get mad that I did it. I've asked her like once a month since moving here. Once or twice I've tried starting, and asking her as I go, and she just gets irked and tells me to put it off.
So, WITBA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
4kI8dN5EIlQ5KMWZy85d2rlzUmdC4Usi
|
ahergg
|
{
"description": "yelling at my mom after she told me \"wasn't doing anything with my life\" even though I'm sixteen",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for yelling at my mom after she told me "wasn't doing anything with my life" even though I'm sixteen
|
My mom got my last semesters report card and my grades wearnt that good to say the least. I was failing multiple classes and was barely passing others. In my defense I have bad adhd and I had continuously asked her to schedule a doctors appointment to get me the proper medication witch I only received at the very end of the semester.
So she texted me saying she was pissed and that she was going to take my phone, and my games although since I got my meds I've been disinterested and barely even play them anymore, besides weekends when i dont take my meds, and she was going to pick me up from my dads early.
After some arguing through text. She called me so she properly lay into me. I tried to tell her that everything was fine and I would average my grades out the best I could. After a couple rounds of trying to have the last word and losing she got angry and said "you haven't done anything with your life" and "you're never going to get into college"
I had finally has enough and told her I didn't care about grades or going to college and if she wanted me to pass then she should have gotten me my medicine instead of telling me to "try harder" she got guilty and told me she just wanted me to do better. I told her "thanks for nothing" and hung up
I refused to go to her place and my dad somehow convinced her to let me stay. I'd planed on going to her place next week but I dont think I'd be happy with going back for a month or two
This whole thing probably sounds like stupid teenage whining but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZsmyiqBM0SLusAM6MtHO9ZnUa45PCgJk
|
9wipbt
|
{
"description": "feeling upset that my girlfriend is more impacted over Stan Lee's death than my father's death",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 26
}
|
AITA for feeling upset that my girlfriend is more impacted over Stan Lee's death than my father's death.
|
I know that I am the asshole because I blew up on her about it when I should have been calm and should have stepped away from the issue. Don't judge me on that, because I could not have helped that part, but I still need insight on why it's wrong/right for me to feel this way.
I have known my girlfriend (20F) for four years, but we have only been dating for one year. She met my parents a couple of times, and we had a trip last Christmas break where she stayed in a hotel with me and my parents. It was a good time all around.
Half a year ago, my dad passed away. It was expected, but it still hit me and my mom hard. My girlfriend reacted to the news with shock when I told her. She was there for me when I was really struck by grief, but ultimately, she was over it just about the instant she heard it. I chalked it up to her not having known him all her life, but today, it really made me feel... aggravated.
A couple of hours ago, Stan Lee died and news got around. (May he rest in peace.) The moment my girlfriend heard, she broke down--crying in a way that I have never seen her cry. She was so mortified by this, and I sat down with her, reminded of the day that my father died and the way that I broke down. She started talking about Spiderman, her favorite comic book series. Stuff like how she couldn't believe that such a good man died and how she was going to miss seeing his cameos.
And for some reason, I couldn't help but wonder why she never said anything like this when my father died. Sure, she was there for me, but all she did was listen and tell me "I don't know what to say..." every time I talked to her about my memories. At the time, I accepted this.
Stan Lee is a media legend, sure, but she didn't even know him. My dad was someone that she sat down and ate dinner with. My dad was someone that she met, and she couldn't spare any tears for him. I was very upset. I told her these things, yelling when I said it. She stopped crying and looked shocked--and even in the moment, I knew that I shouldn't have exploded like that. We decided that we will talk about this tomorrow.
Look. Roast me. Tear into me. I feel very strongly about this, but I know that I might be in the wrong. I want you to tell me why I'm wrong so that I can gain perspective on this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 26
}
|
WRONG
|
AE1w579uh2Vhur56JMc7TwG9DdbXc82b
|
am08j8
| null |
AITA or is my mother the asshole?
|
This is a long story, so please bare with it
So me and my family have just moved, but ever since day one I’ve been constantly pushing me to get a job, to which I’ve already been doing, handing out CV’s and doing interviews and shit in the retail sector... even though after the Christmas rush not many need us, they want to get rid of us, she’s making jokes about the lack of job me at this point for it, all about how I don’t have a job and I’m an unemployed bum, but our family does have banter sometimes, but it doesn’t feel like a joke this time is all
That... is not even the start
On top of that I’ve been more interested in politics as I’ve freshly turned 18 as of July, so voting and shaping my country (Aussie Aussie) is important, so I try to understand my parents ideologies and opinions and see their takes... my dad pretty liberal only explaining it as a “it’s just how we did it as a family, plus I kind of just donkey vote” ... but my says that if I’m not voting for the greens I’m basically choosing for greedy politicians, I brung up that I personally think that the greens are to small of a party and that I want to vote labor being kind of lesser of two evils from some research I’ve been doing, it devolved to policies and shit, going to equality, I say that the first world is pretty equal at the moment, is more third world countries that suffer, that really it’s almost women that have the upper hand, I basically get yelled at how I’m a bigoted sexist pig and how im a privlaged white boy who needs to give to charity cause I’m in the top one percent of earners... as a jobless want to be retail worker, (tbh I would give to charity I just want to actually have a job that pays more than 25 g a year, my lifetime goal is to be financially independent and do charity work at schools and shit)
Another problem is veganism and my mum, she forces me and my two brothers to eat vegan like her, says when we go out it’s a choice to eat meat... yet glares and demeans is when we do, I attempt to protect my brothers only to be shouted at, saying that I should understand meat kills people and animals, that they are her kids so they need to understand... she also uses essential oils as like scents for her eco friendly bench cleaners and linen spray, don’t know is she diluted them at all or what she uses. Hell even our damned cleaning stuff is made from this soap berry, it doesn’t clean well and leave pots tasting like the last meal in them, I pre rinse, use twice the amount she says to use scrub for ages and she still complains that I’m doing a shit job and I should do better, and hat pre-rinsing them is just a waste.
Other life things like clothes, going out for dinner, chores. For clothes I pay for all my clothes, even though my savings is skyrocketing downwards, says that I’m not grateful for all the things she buys for me (aside from food, Internet, water, electricity it’s nothing) going out I pay all or half the bill based on my mother mood, says that I need to pay her back for all she’s done for me. Chores, the boys get paid their age, only doing 3 chores a day every week, I do the rest like cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming, mopping dishes ect, says that it’s free cause “I live under her house”
My own money is in her bank because I was basically homestuck for 4 years in a fuck middle of nowhere town, only public transport was to the school, but I couldn’t use my money to use busses because “I need to save it so I can invest it” even if I want to spend my money on a treat like a new game or food at work it would be a fucking battle for it, hell my lizard cost me a whole year of whining as she calls it for it
I’m the end it makes me so... unloved, and in return I... I hate to say it but Ihate her, I don’t make it apparent... but I don’t love her anymore and it really hurts me, I Want to love her
Is she just being over protective, am I just too.. spoilt? She’s framing it all to make my life better in the future, and it’s not like we’re poor, she has 2 jobs, six digits for both (also my dads really cool, like he’s the boomer who plays doom and is super chill with his kids, I Litterally remember him playing wow, me on his lap help him, back when he was divorced with my mum but having custody of me, about 7 years before it was with my mum, I just don’t want you thinking I don’t love either of them)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
H1sc8vW4990I5sf1FC5vfvItSbEe2JCx
|
b09kpj
|
{
"description": "not telling Tinder dates that I have a daughter until after the first date",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
WIBTA if I don't tell Tinder dates that I have a daughter until after the first date?
|
Hi all! I (23M) am recently out of a 5 year marriage with a woman that cheated on me. I have a 4 year old daughter with her, and while we're still working out the legal side of everything, it is looking like I will have primary custody.
I love my daughter more than anything, and don't necessarily want to hide her, but I feel like if I tell my Tinder matches that I have a daughter in my profile, or before a date, they might lose interest before they've given me a chance.
I have no intention of getting serious with anyone before telling them, but would want to tell them at the end of, or right after the first date. WIBTA if I didn't tell a date until then?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
WRONG
|
4azKxgNRLv9t5Sx5bvS4aKkx5EfrvZY6
|
aet2df
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to bring vegetables for dinner",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to bring vegetables for dinner?
|
Slightly weird title. My boyfriend (or date idk) is a doctor and I'm a student. I asked him round for dinner as my housemates were out.
Me: Hi (bf) would you like to come for dinner? I can make cottage pie?
Bf: yeah I'll be over at 6
Me:also do you mind bringing some vegetables as we are running low in the house
Bf: YOU invited ME for dinner, you have to have the supplies!!
He hung up and sent me some messages saying i was rude to ask.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
jkBGdabkBNqwbKwSmilX2LajzsNLiZyv
|
b73xps
|
{
"description": "dancing and drinking? I am 16",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for dancing and drinking? I am 16.
|
So, last night was my birthday. I made a party, a really ''real'' party. All my friends were in our house. I live with my brother because …. its a long and b/sad story. I asked my brother the permission and he gave me.
​
So, while we were all having fun, barbecuing and everything. Around 19:00, my bfs friends showed bottles of alcohol. They were drinking. I told my bf not to drink but he did it anyway, that idiot.
​
I stopped smoking since I promised my brother when I moved in with him, most of my friends were smoking. My bf, even though around me he is cute boy but when he is around his friends he acts like some gangster. He was drinking and smoking and I told him again to stop but he refused so I told him ''if you drink I will drink too'' I drank a small amount of alcohol, it wasn't good anyway but we started having arguments. We than decided not to talk to each other and I started dancing with one of my friends. He showed up and asked if he can dance with me too, I said no, I was half (a little bit) drunk and I left him to sit next to all his friend while he wanted to talk to me. AFTER THAT I don't actually remember a lot but …..
​
My brother came and kicked the dudes that were drinking out. I said bye to other kids and only me and my bf were left. My brother was mad at us and he really kept lecturing me how it is bad for our health and other stuff. My bf was drunk so, my brother ended up calling his parents.
​
My brother told me that my bf is a trouble maker. My brother was mad at me and my bf, my bf isn't responding to my calls somehow and I am here asking if IATA?
​
I don't know if I did something stupid in the party, I didn't drink even half a small cup but still my memory isn't that helpful. Since he drank more than me he will not remember right? why would he be mad? He is 17.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
L1EnpsbYeQ1u3Aucbf1cwyHlvnS93iSq
|
aldsq5
|
{
"description": "not allowing my children to use their phones to contact my ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for not allowing my children to use their phones to contact my ex?
|
AITA? Backstory: My ex is a real treat. He gave my older kids eating disorders, tried to brainwash the kids into urine therapy through scaring them that cavities were cancer and we had an epic divorce full of him demanding dirt, which I wasn't about to pay to excavate from the yard. After the divorce he quit his job (making over 100k with benefits) to be a full time bitcoin trader. Bitcoin dropped and he hasn't been keeping up to date on payments to me and I am still covering the kids extra expenses completely even when he says he will help.
I got my older son a cell phone a few years ago and the ex would pay half of the bill, but my son lost the phone so it was turned off. In June I got my older two phones and my ex refused to pay for any of the bills. For Christmas this year I gave my younger son a new cell phone case that was military tested for drops and everything (I got the same case for myself) and he broke it while at my ex's house. I told my son that he couldn't take his phone anywhere outside of our house without a case due to him being 11 and not the best at not dropping things.
My ex called me very upset that he couldn't contact the 11 year old on his phone, I explained that he doesn't have his phone because he doesn't have a case. My ex then went into a tirade that whoever bought such a shitty case was an idiot and the case was obviously shitty and how the purchaser should have done better research on cases and purchase better products. I calmly said would you like to purchase a better case for our child's phone? Quickly he quipped that the children's phones were none of his concern and hung up on me. For the record my case is doing great and despite my kids dropping my phone, has not broken or been damaged.
After that phone call I told my children they are not to use their cell phones to contact (text or call) their father because their cell phones are not his concern, and he refuses to help with the costs. If they need to contact their father they can use my phone or ask me to contact him.
My older son says I am putting him in the middle of our conflict because my ex won't take my phone calls and will take the kids calls. Which is true, my kids watch him not answer my calls when they are with him. I said I am actually taking the kids out of the middle of the conflict and putting me right in the middle to handle all contact. My kids think I am unreasonable. Am I the asshole?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 16
}
|
WRONG
|
rlAldkrmSnFYOsc2kMIyPI6eBbKu1bB8
|
ap7r4l
|
{
"description": "cutting off contact with someone I was afraid of",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off contact with someone I was afraid of (even though he'd done nothing to me personally)?
|
A bit of context: in high school, which I'll call LC, I got incredibly sick and basically had to drop out my sophomore and junior year. To be able to graduate on time, I needed to go to a special high school along with my old high school. The "special" high school is called OTA. It's filled with students who either were sick and missed a bunch of school, students with learning abilities, and students who skipped school frequently or got expelled from their old school.
There, I met this kid who I'll call Jake. He was perfectly pleasant, respectful, and earnest. We found out that we shared an interest in writing and talked about potential story ideas every day. He seemed like a great person, and we got along really well.
At one point, the topic of why we were in OTA came up. I explained that I missed a ton of school, so I needed to make up credits. It turned out that we had both attended LC. I still attended it, but Jake remarked that his ex-girlfriend ratted on him and he got expelled, so he had to come here. I asked him why he got expelled. His response?
"Well, she told them about my plan to shoot up the school."
It all came back. I didn't know his ex, but I'd met her once, since she was friends with one of my friends and sat down with our group during lunch. I remember how she'd told us that Jake wasn't doing well, and that he was going to kill some students and teachers, and then himself. And keep in mind: in Jake's own words, he PLANNED this. Not threatened, PLANNED.
I was completely dumbfounded. He confessed this to me like he was reading off of a grocery list. I don't remember what happened after that, but I stayed away from him, only speaking to Jake when he spoke to me first. He'd given me his email and asked me to hang out once school was over. When we graduated, I never responded to his emails. I never spoke to him again.
Still, I feel pretty bad. He was such a nice kid. Maybe he was just in a terrible place a few years ago and had a psychotic break or something... I'm sure that he probably still suffered from depression at OTA, and that being ghosted by a supposed friend hurt a lot.
But in my senior year at high school, there was a shooting at a high school in my city. One person was killed. Hearing one of my college classmate talk about his dead friend was both heartbreaking and horrifying. I couldn't imagine losing people at LC to a shooter. Now, I've seen Jake a few times at community college, and that scares me. I don't think he recognizes me (at least, he's never come up to me). I don't think I'd ever speak to him; not after seeing that poor classmate struggle not to cry as he talked about the shooting. Do you think Jake has changed? Was I wrong to abandon him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
MqoHyydW103S7PBuHHo4D6dyCadW8J3n
|
a650gm
|
{
"description": "wanting to wait to date someone",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to wait to date someone?
|
Me (23F) and this guy I have been seeing (25M) have been talking/seeing each other for a few months now. I met him back in high school but never became friends until now, after high school and college. Everything is going well and he really wants to date me. The only issue is, is that he is leaving for work out of the country for a year and I will not have a lot of contact with him.
He is starting to get a little hurt that I told him it will be better to wait until he comes back to start officially dating. He understands that it is because I do not want to start a relationship and have him leave a month later for over a year. That is a long time. But he is afraid that I will find someone new during his time away. With his understanding of this, he still decided to ask me out, and unfortunately I had to decline. Not because I do not want to date him, but because of our bad situation. He did not get mad and completely understands.
I tried to tell him that if I am seeing someone, I don't look for anyone else, even if our relationship is not official. While he is gone it does not mean he is out of the picture for me. It would just be hard to start a new relationship and have him be gone for so long with a huge time difference. I would rather wait until he comes back to start a relationship and be able to see each other often.
I know since hes gone for so long, only time can tell to see if we will actually still by talking by the end of his work trip. We both understand that it is a possibility. And he is really afraid that it will happen.
AITA for wanting to wait to start our relationship?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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