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I just wish I could approach people and make friends easily. I wish I liked generally well liked things and had a bubbly personality that makes people want to be around me.
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Please remember you can be outgoing/extroverted and still have social anxiety. It's a disorder.
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Spare of the moment today, I got a phone interview for a job. I only applied for the job yesterday and only found out I was going to have a phone interview five minutes before it happened. I had literally zero time to prepare.nnAnd this was my first ever interview so I had no idea what to expect or what kind of questions they were gonna ask or how I should answer them.nnAnd to make everything 10x worse, the woman interviewing me was so scary. She was super blunt and I could tell she didn't like me, and I can't blame her. I'm sure I sounded completely incompetent with all my answers. I felt totally bombarded. I literally cried like a baby after the call was over. It couldn't have gone any worse.nnAnd now I'm petrified of going for any other job interview because I'm afraid they'll all be that blunt and brash, and I'll stumble over my words.nnEdit: thank you all so much for the lovely replies!! I didn't expect so many kind responses. You guys have really helped restore some of my confidence back for future interviews
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Just think of it as practice. We all bomb interviews.
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What would you do in this situation if you were me?nnYour parents see a girl they think is cute that works at a fast food restaurant while they are out by themselves and starts showing her photos of you and ask her to meet you. She says yes presumably to be nice and get the drive thru moving. When your parents get home, they tell me they saw a cute girl and prints up a script for me to read and go back up there saying
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Ok, thanks
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I'll just jump right into this... Social anxiety has plagued my life for 6 years so far. It's been nothing but debilitating with every aspect of my life. I'm sick of it, I don't want it to dictate my lifestyle. Unfortunately it has, because of two reasons: A) I let it happen because apathy and laziness sunk in, B) I can't help but get like
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My advice to you is to start taking little steps in the right direction. I know what it's like to feel like a failure and to beat yourself up over it. But if you could just stop for a day and maybe, go for a walk, or go to a store and exchange just a few words with the cashiers, it can be a great confidence boost! just the fact that you did something and it went fairly well (usually none of the fears you have in mind come true). I've gotten over most of my SA but I went looking for jobs for example, and it's still stressful and uncomfortable for me. Regardless, I'm glad I tried it and will force myself to do it until it becomes easy. I also know what it's like to feel like a burden on my parents and I intend to do whatever I can to change it. If you don't want to be a victim of SA challenge it and win (one small victory at a time).
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Do you think that it is better to force a smile when you're not feeling it for the sake of fitting into a social group or should a person just wear his/her normal expression and try to be in the present moment at the risk of not fitting in?nnI had social anxiety for about five years, and about a year ago, I managed to get rid of most of it by reading self-help books and watching videos on the subject. However, I still have a few remnants left over from the social anxiety; mainly, I have a really difficult time smiling or laughing at anything. nnI may genuinely think something is funny, but I typically won't laugh unless I know the people I'm with really well. It just doesn't come naturally to me anymore after feeling self-conscious for years. I've found that this seriously impacts my ability to get along well with people in social situations. People don't make much eye contact with me, and I surmise it's because I have some kind of forbidding expression I'm not aware of.nnI'm torn between faking a smile and not being able to pay attention to what others are saying (because I'm too busy focusing on how I come across) and using a neutral facial expression and being in the moment, but possibly making others feel uncomfortable.nnAnyone have any advice on this?
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This used to happen to me, I don't suffer SA but I guess that par of being very serious comes from a negative outlook on life. I tried to smile too and had to fake laugh on most things even though it was really hard to do so. I guess the happiness will get to you somehow yet I can't tell you when. At least that is how it was to me, I had this for about 2 years. Perhaps it is some kind of depression I am not really sure.
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I'm not sure how to handle this, but I just don't fit in. I'm a 23 year old guy who loves to collect sneakers, listens to pop, soul, and rap music. I enjoy trying new things, I love the thought of one day leaving the US or moving to California… Which are all giant “no-no's” as I work as a train conductor in a small town in Texas. The guys I work with are usually 35-50, radically right, racist, homophobic. Not every trip is a bad one, but me being polar opposites of them is brought up just about every trip. I drive 90 miles to get to work, and often spend 12 hours with one person inside of an engine and conversations usually go the same every time. “Why do you have long hair?” My hair is about an inch longer than my shoulders. “You seem like a liberal” “I have a feeling your wife is a cover story for you being a f”. I'm not unliked at work, but I get teased a lot. It's just the culture here, and I'm not a fan to say the least. I don't take things to heart, every time I'm one on one with somebody we get along very well, we laugh and mess around. But when I'm in a setting of more than 2 people, I'm almost shunned. It's like nobody wants anybody else to know they're my friend behind closed doors. I'm not sure why I'm posting this because I don't take it to heart, but it does leave me confused a lot of days. Am I the one that's wrong? Because openly saying the “N” word to each other isn't something I'll ever be okay with, talking about every waitresses “tight ass” isn't okay with me. But when 200 people all reject you, you can't help but wonder what the hell you're doing wrong. Any thoughts?
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Worked for a tree service a few years ago and was stuck with similar type of people with views I didn't align with. It's soul sucking to show up everyday on time work your ass off only to get shit on for not being a garbage person. For me it motivated me to go to school and find a better career, my only advice is to try and stay positive and not take any of it seriously until you can figure out a better work situation.
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I am a man in his late 20's with severe social anxiety. I was ok with social interaction up until about 6 years ago. I guess I picked up on the fact that I look, act, and talk in an odd manner. Before that I guess I was delusional in thinking that I could fit in with society. I now realize that I do not belong in society, and therefore when I go out among the
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Three of them that I saw were basically useless, but the fourth got me a ton of progress. I really only went back when I heard someone say
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Sometimes theres good advice but a lot of posts are depressing.nnEdit: i was just sharing how i feel while browsing the sub. Im not telling any of you how to live your lives or post your posts. If my mom was crying, I would also feel depressed because thats empathy.nnP.P.S. you dont have to berate me, I wasn't attempting to be malicious and honestly the response that one person wrote was way worse than anything you could actually
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I think this is because most of us are just venting . This disease is debilitating and we know most people here can relate .
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It's so difficult for me to talk because I'm anxious and never know how to converse properly. It's really annoying because I don't have friends and I'm only 13 so I feel like this shouldn't be happening and I'm doing something wrong.nnI've downloaded apps and stuff to make friends but I don't know how to talk to people. I always get anxious when i have to reply and even something like “hey” makes me confused how to respond and not sound “dry”.
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I honestly just go flat out weird when I have nothing to say. When I freeze up or finding it hard to respond I'll start talking about one of my random thoughts like
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curious. I feel like I'm the only teen here
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Hi there my bud
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Just to clarify the title...I'm not actually just a random bitch to complete strangers but I've had some horrible experiences with people on my university course, and now it feels like I have a massive guard up with everybody.nnThese may seem like minor things, but given they all happened within the first few weeks.n1. Sat next to a group in lectures. They were very cold and unreceptive when I would speak to them between classes. It got to the point that they started actively ignoring men2. Was sitting next to a flatmate and one of her friends came over. There were two seats free next to me. She chose the seat furthest away and when my flatmate asked her to come closer, she actively refused.n3. Somebody I met in the first week said we should be lab partners. When it came time to put our names down on the lab list, she basically pretended she didn't know me and said she had chosen somebody else.n4. This happened later in the year group of girls that would let me sit with them, talked about doing something fancy after exams finished, I said I would be interested and they should let me know when they want to.book it. Found out after exams that they had already booked it and were heading off.nnThese are just a few examples but I feel like these things combined with some others gave made my department feel like my own personal hell. Most of these people have graduated anyway but it feel like when speaking with other students, I am better off being a bit
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I don't intentionally
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Words will not come out of my mouth. Even if I know the answer and it's easy, or want to ask a question to the prof. My brain starts going in overdrive. It's driving me NUTS.
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I can totally relate. I'll tell you what I did to overcome(just a little) this. First try with small groups,ask a question or answer one. Small groups or small halls always made me more comfortable. And then when you get used to it try to raise your hand in a bigger room and make sure you're certain about your answer to not feel embarrassed and with some practice everything will be fine don't worry.
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In normal social situations I am super nervous and awkward and quiet but in interviews I force myself to be super talkative lol. The interviewers usually end up thinking I am a confident person but if I actually was hired they would slowly realise that I am actually super shy and anxious lol.
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Yeah kind of because im good at expressing my self through language and I'm articulate, also you can have kind of a script. I'm just bad at casual social talking. I feel like if I didn't have so much social anxiety I would be able to do well at jobs that require presentations.
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Thank you so much for the support you guys were tremendously helpful, I will attempt to get therapy and continue to hit the gym like many of you recommended. Thank you means so much.
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This is good advice. To use a silly analogy, we're each dealt a different hand of cards in the game of life— some good cards and some shitty ones. Focus on leveraging your good cards in your favor (e.g. honing career passion, shaping an interesting personality, etc) while mitigating your poor cards. And for this it's probably better to start with the simplest approaches you can come up with like wearing the 3 inch risers, then only level up to a more “committed” approach like leg surgery if you absolutely need it.
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I feel like my whole is evolved around the fact that I care about ppl think of me. nnIt's getting bad to the point that I'm starting to get depressed and suicidal
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I wish i knew too
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My entire life I've always saw myself as a chill extroverted person. However, as I'm sure you know, SAD will smash that visualization into pieces.nnIt's suppressed my supposed u201cpersonalityu201d so much that I'm not even sure who I am anymore. nnAnyone else have this issue?
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100%
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So I'm in abit of a dilemma as I am currently thinking of changing my job as my current job as waiter at a busy fine dining restaurant just doesn't go well with my social anxiety and every week I dread the days that I have to go to work. I hate the fact that I have to take orders and greeting people. Although it seems like an easy task it just feels so hard for me to do. It also very fast paced and it requires lots of concentration as I have to carry various drinks plates around a small dining room. In addition the Management at the place is horrendous and sometimes I don't even know what my role is, well I'm supposed to be a runner but they have me taking orders, and when I do I have no idea of the menu which makes me even more nervous. However I'm trying to apply for other jobs that I feel more comfortable in doing that requires less interaction with customers and a much slower pace. However it is significantly less paying than my current iob. I just want to get some opinions on which one you would go with.nn(https://www.reddit.com/poll/q6cnqq)
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That's a difficult question for me. I've been a server for about 10 years. Lately I've been having anxiety attacks, I'm working through it but this is what I do. I dunno what happened to me but it shook me to my core. Maybe it's the place I started working at, but this is what I want to do. This feeling is scary because it's new to me, but I'd like to continue my line of work.
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People all the time used to tell me they thought I was really cocky or arrogant because I didn't talk a lot, when in reality I was just anxious .
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So many times. I actually got slapped across the face in school when I was younger because the girl thought I was a “stuck up bitch” when really I was just incredibly shy and I have severe hearing loss. nPeople throughout my working life and social life have told me they were surprised I'm nice and thought I was stuck up.
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I'm not talking about severe breathing issues or panic-induced hyperventilation but rather something like the following...nnYour family member is in the Hospital. Your mind races, thinking the worst. Meanwhile, your kid has developed a cough.
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When I taught yoga, I would tell students to notice where their shoulders were. I would then encourage them to take a deep breath in, hold it for a few moments, and exhale longer than they inhale. Then I asked them to take note of where shoulders were now.nnShoulders, when you're tense, are up toward your ears. After deep breathing, they will lower.
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You're feeling everything all at once and you just can't get it off your chest because you have no one to tell about your feelings that won't judge you. nAnd worse thing is, you can't even tell anyone even the smallest thing that happened to you, like the little inconveniences that happened in your day, or how your meal was so delicious, or the nice movie you just watched. nWe are built to socialize, not to be solitude. nIts depressing.
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Thank you! But I'm on my grad school I stopped for 3 years now I need to wait for more 3 tear before I can finally support myself. And I definitely can't ask my parents to let me have some therapy. They have their own family now and I'm already so greatful for supporting my school.
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I've had this issue for as long as I could remember when I get anxious my legs get stiff and I walk like I have a limp or something. I just can't seem to walk like a normal person. It's even worse when I think people are watching me to the point I can't even move. Instead of manually walking it's like I gotta force myself to walk. I have to remind myself left foot right foot in front and sway my arms. As far as I'm aware I've never met anyone with this issue. It is so embarrassing. I feel like I'm going to fall over or something. When I'm anxious my body just seems to carry it in my legs for some reason. It's even worse when I'm walking down a long hallway or these people walking behind me.
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I'm on meds as well I have tried everything, not caring, looking down, focusing on my phone, listening to music, hands in pocket etc nothing works I even looked on YouTube for walking instructions lol I am out of hope on this situation, dunno what else to try or do
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My significant other has been dealing with untreated depression for quite some time. Recently it has been much worse. We haven't spent a lot of time face to face to really talk in the past week. I can't seem to get over second guessing myself on what to do to help. Every time I think “I should probably ask if they're okay” my brain is like “no they'll just be mad at you for asking the obvious.” My SO has explained that it feels like I don't care and dismiss their emotions. I truly do care and want to be there for them, I just struggle really badly with trying to decide what's the right thing to do in these situations. I don't want to keep making this same mistake and disappointing them. I let my anxiety get the best of me.
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Thank you. Funny enough I have definitely done my fair share of googling lol. I think it's just nice to hear what other people do in these situations. I will be going back to counseling to hopefully settle my anxiety.
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i basically say the same things with everyone, bc im trying to please everyone. and im not creative enough to say something different. but i get replied with 1 words everytime and get ignored. like im not cool enough or good enough. they probably right. nni just want to make a friend. i dont even want a GF yet. just friends. everyone is making them while its like the hardest thing in the universe to do for me.nni feel like im boring people with my convos. its like a performence or a mission for me. what do i do ? ntrying to talk to a girl is like figuring out a jigsaw puzzle.nnit makes me happy even when people talk to me, its pathetic i know. i want to stop chasing people, and just be friends with them you know??nnim amazed how couples or friends never run out of things to say, like how come they never run out of things to say? nni talk to a guy or a girl i run out of things to say in about 2 mins with girls since with guys its a lot chiller.. i still feel like talking to people is like a mission to get them to like.ngirls just ignore me like i dont even exist.nnits always me chasing the other people never the other way around. pleasing them to talk to me. i even force the convos. nnits always me putting the work in. and i have met ton of people and have always replied with 1 one dry words. nits like they dont give a shit about me. like i dont deserve single attention or recognition.nni have gotten pretty good advice here and i want to use them.. everyone is telling me to stop focusing on girls or stop chasing people, that they will come to me when im trying to improve my self...i have to be able to make friends first then worry about a GF.. baby steps right?nnpeople are telling to go outside more and spend more time with people and join a Club with my similiar interests. that way we have something in common to talk about. or find more hobbies, sports exercise or read or learn a skill. nni think i can handle most of these. but i still want some advice on conversations...my mind is empty when i try to talk to people.
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well usually it's just stupid stuff, but its a conversation, and a good trick i use to continue the conversation is to ask a question about the recent topic, even if its a stupid questionnnEx of real conversation: nFriend: Sweedish bread is actually good nglnnme: is it good?nnthe question is stupid because he literally said that it's good, but after that, we started talking about Sweden. so that was something that made the conversation continue.
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If so, what are some?
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I recommend niacin - it's working really well for me. Use it with caution though.
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yeah
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Pets are such a valuable thing to have it's actually almost impossible to describe it.
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I have crippling social anxiety, that no one around me seems to understand. I hate everything about my physical appearance so much to the point that I barely leave the house anymore. The thing I am most self conscious about is my overall complexion. I have very pale skin, and blond hair. I also dislike the way my face looks, overall. My facial features seem to not mesh together. I look very odd, especially in pictures. So I don't take photos of myself or allow others to take photos of me, anymore. I have considered getting plastic surgery in the future, in hopes that it may alleviate some of the anxiety I feel around others. Somehow I managed to get a new job after almost a year of working online, making hardly any money. I start on Monday, but I am starting to build up so much anxiety about it, that I am considering not showing up, because I am so scared of being back in society around people who may judge my appearance. nnIs anyone else out there so crippled by social anxiety stemming from self hatred?nnUpdate: So I had a panic attack, and decided to check myself into the Hospital. I am going to be Homeless when I get out, but it is better than completely losing my mind, I suppose.
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It sounds like you could potentially suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Have you heard of it before? Please do a little reading about it and consider talking to your doctor about your concerns. BDD is such a potentially life-crippling anxiety disorder that I wouldn't wish upon anyone.
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I'm just curious. I'm a grown-ass man (43 m) who's lived with SA all my life. I've learned tons of coping mechanisms, masking, white knuckling, etc. But it still affects me hugely. It seems to me most folks on this sub are under 25 or so. So, solely to satisfy my curiosity about the sub, I invite you all to participate in this poll. Again, im just curious. It might give me a better perspective on how common our affliction is across the generations.nn(https://www.reddit.com/poll/xgwhul)
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It is bizarre. I don't know….lack of awareness regarding SA? You're right, why not assume the person is just shy? I've been told countless times over the years that people didn't like me at first because they thought I was cold, mean, stand off ish, whatever. Or my favorite question, “Why are you so quiet?” It's kind of funny.
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So I used to be terrified to go to the grocery store. The one I was going to was quiet, calm, not super busy and had everything I needed. I went once a week and was terrified every time. nnA year later I moved across town and started going to a different grocery store, this one was much busier, louder, and much more fast pace. This also made me very nervous to go to. nnHere's the twist though. I tried going back to my old one after a while and I was calm, relaxed and has almost no anxiety. This shocked me. nnI think what's going on here is that before I moved, any grocery store was a huge fear. I hated it, thought about it, had negative thoughts about it. It was the worst part of my week. But then once I went to a more stressful store the old one wasn't the most stressful thing to me anymore. It almost became irrelevant. I started having thoughts like “I enjoy this smaller, quieter store more than the loud busier store”. I started having more positive thoughts about it that specific store. nnI think my point is, if you hate something it makes sense why you avoid it. And you'll probably hate it and avoid it until you do something that's even worse or more stressful and then that old things seems easy. nnIf you want to build muscle you don't add 100lbs to your weights and expect to get stronger. You'll just injure yourself. You add 5, then add another 5, and continue until what you used to do seems too easy.
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A busy store where the cashiers are attending to dozens of customers and can't pay attention to me, where I'm part of a much bigger crowd as I go from shelf to shelf, is way less stressful than something like a bodega where I'm the only one in there and the guy behind the register is staring at me the whole time I'm trying to browse
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I live in a house where I'm surrounded by tons of unpleasent memories and my family isn't so supportive, sometimes even toxic, so I'm like 99% of the day feeling down and don't even have the energy to try to change
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Yes I get you. My family is pretty toxic too. I really do believe that if I moved out, I would be better off
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My social anxiety is getting worse. I just met a guy online and literally could not talk and froze up and it was so awkward. I just ruined our fucking friendship. I can't keep living like this. It's actually ruining my life. Idk what to do. I've tried everything, nothing helps. Exposure therapy, meds, CBT, I've done it all. Currently just sobbing in my car. Having very bad thoughts. I just need a hug. Ik this won't get better but I need someone to tell me that it will.
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Hey you! I'm struggling in my life too but this is life we got so get strong and move along
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Idk if it was for attention, I don't know if I've hit rock bottom,cause in my 24 years I've never done it.nIdk want to do or feel, I kinda want to do it again somewhere less visible. nIdknIt hurts but not as much as I thought it would, idk if I would do it again.
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You need a good outlet for stress it sounds like. Be careful with the Benzos dude.... Those can really fuck up your judgement long term. I was addicted to prescribed Benzos for a few years as a teen. nnHave you tried exercise when you get in those highly emotional tense states?
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I used to have a pretty good relationship with my mom, but lately as I've been noticing how bad it's becoming. I get distracted extremely easily, so it's hard for me to stay focused on chores and stuff without getting caught up in something else. On top of that, I forget to respond to different things she tells/asks me and it ends up making her think I'm ignoring and disrespecting her. And again, on top of this I'm emotional and cry pretty often. (which can be expected at my age) And finally, again again, my resting face makes me look
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Have you thought about just sitting down with your mom and calmly explain what you're feeling? It's hard not to react when someone is screaming and accusing you, but if you try to remain level-headed and explain yourself?
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All my life i've been alone and without real, good friends. As a kid I did the weirdest shit alone at home, until i was 12 or so i played with not only toys but also household items when there were no toys left and all happened in my fantasy worlds. I didnt listen to pop or any kind of music, just maybe the music from my videogames and sunk into them, along with movies and series and often talked to myself pretending to be in some kind of TV show or something - Just thinking about it creeps me out now, and i have basically pushed all these memories to the back of my mind when i grew up. I only sometimes remember them and it shocks me every time. Until puberty hit (and it hit late - maybe at 14 or 15) i was basically the weirdest, loneliest weirdo you could imagine. It often fills me with hate to think about me as a kid. I want to punch that kid in the face and tell him that other kids don't suck and he should go play some soccer or games with them.nnSo i wasn't normal. The reason? I don't know. Maybe i had social anxiety from the moment i was born. It was different back then, and i didn't get that depressed. I think kids just do this - sink into fantasy worlds and lifes to protect themselves from dying inside. But now I'm 18 years old and have depression. I'm not a kid anymore and i just want to do stuff with people. I basically have no hobbies or real interests. Most of my
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I think your interests aren't just distractions but being older and depressed probably dulls your interests in them. What new hobbies genuinely seem interesting to you and what's stopping you from starting them?
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That's pretty much it, it's self explanatory, I hate my social anxiety for pretty much ruining my life, my self esteem and getting in the way of any potential relationships in my life. nnI think it's very likely that I'll die alone.nnI'm tired of this.
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For sure, that's your opinion, and you're totally entitled to have it.nnI do agree with you that it's better to avoid taking medication if at all possible, and to work on alternative methods for dealing with whatever the issue may be.nnBut I also recognise that for some people, medication may be needed.nnYes, I would have preferred to overcome my issues without medication. I tried other methods, but after having lived with anxiety for many years, I'd had enough. nnEven then it wasn't straightforward. It took forever to find something that helped.nnAnd no medication is perfect. There are side-effects to deal with, and as you mentioned, some meds can lose efficacy over time.nnSo I do get where you're coming from. I certainly don't advocate medication as the solution for everyone. But I do like to share my experience, where I think it's appropriate and relevant.
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These last 2 years have been shit. I dropped out of uni, isolated myself from ftiends and my social anxiety and depression lead to me not looking for work because i feel like i can't deal with people and am not fit to work... but at the same time i really crave human interaction even though im socially inept. How do you people suggest reintegrating into society and meeting people when you feel like you have no interests?
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Feel free to PM me if you are feeling alone
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Not exactly introverts per say either. My mom and boyfriend both attract other people who invite them out/want to befriend them but they keep to themselves mostly. Both very social and always have quick witted remarks that make people laugh. I envy them so much and every time they turn down others it makes me mad! Like, if I had that capability I'd love to have ALL the friends. Very frustrating to see and wondered if anyone can relate.
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Yep, this was one of my major reasons for leaving fb years ago. I long for actual interactions just without the face to face (for various reasons) nnI want a reason to remember someone's name, and not just be a source of validation on the off chance they figure out they can still contact me.
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I wasn't necessarily close to them. However, I'm still in shock and I've been crying on and off throughout the afternoon. I don't even know what else to say.
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Yeah if I could, I'd write a little something and leave it at my cousin's grave. However, I'm in Canada near the Great Lakes and my cousin was from Colorado. I have been able to text my other cousins in Colorado and share a little memorial post on Facebook. It's going to be tough, but the family and I have some happy memories.
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So I've been feeling fucking wack for a while. Like it feels like I'm watching a movie or someone else is controlling me like a videogame ya know, it's terrifying my friend says he's knows what I'm talking about but both of us don't know what to do and I just wanna feel normal again
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have you taken any substances? sounds like dissociation. Ive experienced a lot of it.
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Soo... my mum was always there for me in the beginning. When I was sad, she'd do little things that meant the world to me. She'd buy me flowers, make me tea, put on a movie. She doesn't do that anymore/nnShe has started doing less and less.nnShe used to come talk to me whenever I looked down, then she stopped doing that and instead expected me to come to her (something that is really hard for me to do), then whenever I tried to talk to her she just said u201cwhat can I do?u201d I answer with u201cI'm not sureu201d then she just goes u2018okay' and goes back to whatever she was doing. And now she just doesn't acknowledge anything. I've sent her messaging explaining that I try initiating conversations regarding my mental health and stuff and she just ignores me. She said she's sorry and will try harder, but she's not.nnA few minutes ago I went up to her saying u201cI cried a lot last night. I just couldn't stop. I was so upsetu201d to which she just hugged me and then said goodnight. nnI'm losing the only person I could talk to.nnBefore anyone recommends a therapist; please don't. I've tried therapy, it's not for me. I really don't like it and I really don't like taking to anyway older than me besides my mother.
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I understand , my mom was always there for me , always was my go to person when i was sad . That ended when I got cancer and testing leading up to it. All we'd do is fight even after my diagnosis . I guess she just couldn't handle it . She started picking fights with me more and started falling on the floor drunk . I'd hear her upstairs falling and see her down stairs on the ground even at like 9 in the morning . She denies it now it breaks my heart . I live at my boyfriends parents now , but I still just miss and wish I had my mom. I hear you and I feel your pain .
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Is this normal? 30 year old woman
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Yup, I think it's typical. I've worked hard and can make normal small talk, but it rarely brings me closer to anyone. I hear my coworkers talk about getting together outside of work and I wonder why I'm never included. I'm sure it's the vibe I give off.
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The ACE score is 10 question, yes/no, quiz about things that may or may not have happened in childhood. nnAre there people with low ACE scores that have social anxiety? And if that's the case, was there an event that's not touched upon in these questions that may be relevant or did you have a carefree life until you got anxious? nnI also read that emotional abuse predicts mental health problems stronger than other forms of abuse. I read this in Johann Hari's book about depression and anxiety called 'Lost Connections'.
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1 or 0. nnI've always had low self esteem, anxiety and depression. My parents were always and continue to be extremely supportive. But, I've always struggled to make much progress with anxiety.nnI don't think parenting is the sole reason for anxiety. There are plenty of other factors that can contribute.
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I need him to understand how meeting with other people on weekends doesn't count as resting for me. That I can't stand being surrounded by people more than a few hours. I need his support when I make up excuses to leave. How would you explain it?
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Yeah, this is the best way I've found to describe the difference. Extroverts need to get out there and see people to keep their energy up, introverts need time to themselves to recharge. We're just wired differently, I guess.
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I feel like I am going to have to talk about it. Im sure they will ask
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I don't think it's a good idea to bring it up. As mentioned before, most employers are looking for friendly and outgoing people. If you want to bring it up after you get the job and are secure in your position, fine. But wait until you have the job.
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Hello,nSorry about formatting, I'm using my phone, and the fact that I don't post much on Reddit doesn't help.nnSo, I'm a huge fan of this band. Like, it's been my dream to see them for 16years now. Their music has been with me through so many phases of my life and literally saved me from myself multiple times. nI finally got to see them live last week, after buying the tickets 3 years ago and waiting so long for it to happen due to COVID. But, I can't really remember it.nI have black outs, missing moments. I remember singing along (to which songs I don't remember), I remember being happy, I remember one thing or two they did on stage, but not everything. And since this happened only a week ago, it feels strange and off to not remember.nnI've had very bad experiences before and have been in denial about it. Like I've been rped and it took me months to realize what happened and I still don't remember exactly what happened. I've done some serious fckups and I don't remember what happened or don't realize it for some time or ever.nThis feels the same. nnNow I'm sure nothing bad has happened during the concert as I was perfectly sober and with my husband the whole time. But it shocks me that I don't remember a big part of the event and I'm wondering if denial can happen about something positive and you're just super excited for and don't want to admit that it finally happened.nnDoes this make sense?nnTLDR : I've been to the concert of my favorite band ever, I was sober and fine, but I can't remember much of the event. Is it 'normal' ?
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Thank you for your answer. I will look into this with a specialist when I have the opportunity
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When no one else is in earshot obviously. Most times, I am even better with kids than people who don't have SA. But as soon as anyone my age or older appears, I get super nervous, awkward and quiet.nnI have zero SA around people much younger than me. Anyone else feel the same?
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this!
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Hey guys,nnI just wanted to know if anyone has experience with testosterone injections and its effects on (social) anxiety?nnI know T injections shut down endogenous T production and you may have to take them life long.nnI am aware of that but nothing so far has helped me...I tried every medication, supplements, Psychotherapy, Exposure therapy, Electroconvulsive therapy, TMS, kratom, phenibut, microdosing etc....so there are no treatment options left....nnSo please, if you have experience I would be glad to hear from you.nn(my T levels are in the normal range)
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Thanks for your reply. The thing is I have been suicidal for the last two years because of social anxiety. I have also tried different dopaminergic substances (methylphenidate, phenibut, modafinil, phenylpiracetam, wellbutrin...) with no relief. So I wouldnt mind taking T for life.nnDo you have personal experience with T injections?
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It's very very crushing to realise that i just wasted the best years of my life, didn't have fun, didn't enjoy them, didn't learn anything, didn't develop any personality or character just pointless mental
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Some of the best years for a lot of people is 30.
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I feel too old to be crying yet again about the state of things in my life right now. I'm going to be 27 this year and I don't have a license, I don't have a social life and I can barely get out and about on my own (not that I have many places to go to). nnI'm not cutting myself short -- I know there are positives right now. I have a job (work from home), and I'm in a stable position financially. My anxiety has been better than it ever has (though still not great), but I'm so fucking lonely. nnI just wanted to hear that I'm not alone. Is there anyone else here above 25 that is in a similar situation? What does your life look like now? What are your accomplishments? What are your downfalls? Tell me your story. Please share, I would greatly appreciate not feeling so alone right now.nnEDIT: To be clear, I'm not trying to alienate anyone under the age of 25, nor am I suggesting only people 25+ can comment. I just wanted to hear people's stories.nnEDIT2: Wow, you guys! I had no idea there were so many of you. Thank you all so much for sharing; it's really made me feel much better about things. You're all beautiful!
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Not really, from my experience. The only real comment I would make is that the biggest limitation in our minds is when we are fixated on a certain problem, no matter what it is, and refuse to let it go.nnWe build invisible walls and box ourselves in. I read it from people commenting from the perspective of racial or social minority groups. From socially anxious or depressed people. Or even, to an extent, people obnoxiously obsessed with discussing their political views in shouty ways. nn3 or 4 years ago, all I could think about was how broken I was, how I wasn't good enough, wasn't capable. I let them go and the walls preventing me from feeling 'normal' broke away with those views.
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You really want to post your feelings in an online support group (like one of the fb groups,) cause bottling it inside is hurtful but you're convinced no one will really care? nn(All it takes is 1 or 2 insensitive comments to do that. Part of what's played a role for me.) nnIt's frustrating
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Everyday I plan to vent about this shit just anticipating no one will care and feeling guilty if they do.
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My gf has been laying in bed all day (not sleeping) just staring at that wall and crying. She won't talk to me and trying to get her to eat just makes her cry more. Please help.
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Has she done this before? Just ask her how you can help her feel better and reassure her that you're there for her and how she feels is temporary.
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Hey guys, long time lurker, first time poster here.nnI'm fucking struggggglinggggg. On top of a whole load of other shit (financial problems, crippling anxiety etc) I lost my sweet baby dog 5 weeks ago at just 4 years old very suddenly. I'm fucking broken. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, leaving a gaping hole & I don't see myself ever getting over it. He was my baby, my best friend, my doggy soulmate, & the love of my life. It was too soon & he was too young & it's just not fucking fair. nnSince then, I've locked myself in my house, turned off all my notifications & ignored my phone entirely whilst I sit and cry every day. I cant sleep, been lucky if I've eaten 1 meal a day, I can count on 1 hand the amount of showers I've had the past month, my hair is legit matted to my scalp, my house is a riot. I'm relying on straight caffeine to keep myself alive rn. People may think I'm being dramatic over 'a dog', but they dont understand... this was the final push over the edge for me this year and I'm barely hanging on trying to keep myself alive when everything in my body is telling me to give up. nnI feel like everyone is expecting me to get over it & get back to work etc etc and the truth is, I'm fucking exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I feel like someone has their hands around my neck 24/7, punching me in the chest & screaming in my face. I've spoken to my GP, and I'm on the max dose of my medication plus anxiety meds but I still feel so fucking dysfunctional. I just wanna scream, but dont even have the energy for that. I just wish everyone would forget that I exist & stop trying to contact me or force me to 'go get a coffee to cheer me up'. I dont want coffee, I want to disappear!! nnSorry for all the doom & gloom, but I just need to get it out there. Sending love to you all who feel the same way, and please, hug your fucking pets & tell them you love them ud83dudda4
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It truly is so senseless when they go so young. It is so cruel, for no reason. I want to add my own two cents: when he was showing you love and affection at the vet, I genuinely think it was him telling you u201cthank you for helping me, you're doing the right thing, and I love you so much.u201d I believe that with my whole heart. I am not a big believer in a lot of things: heaven, hell etc. But I do believe there is a rainbow bridge. Is it maybe for my own sanity? Potentially. But I love to think of my own puppy up there watching over me, while also getting endless food and being able to run in open fields and be with lots of friends. It even helps me to make jokes. My dog loved to eat, so on thanksgiving I imagine him eating a huge turkey all to himself and it helps me cope. nnI hope you can find one! Also maybe look into grief groups in your area, where I live there are some for animal loss specifically! Thank you so so much, you are a truly sweet soul ud83dudc95 I love that you have a picture! I keep a picture of my boy by my bed. Cuddle clones are people who make replicas of your pet but I will say, they are expensive. Just having a small stuffed animal that looks like my boy helps sooo much! If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to DM me :) I'm sending you so much love xo
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When I moved into my current apartment, I spotted an acquaintance of mine moved in the house next door. Instead of going and saying hi, I resolved to never have him find out that we are neighbors.nnAbout 5 months in to the 12 month lease, I ran into him as I was walking to my building. He asked me if I lived there and I lied and said I was just passing through (which makes no sense logistically). So if he ever caught me entering or leaving my apartment I would be in for a doozy of an awkward situation, so I've been extra stelthy since then.nnFor the past few days there has been a new car parked in his space with a new person driving it, so it appears he has a subletter and has moved out. I made it through my lease without the super awkward situation of being seen again!nntl;dr - Avoided being seen by my neighbor for 9 months
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If it's a success, it's not pathetic!
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It ruins my whole week and I feel a terrible dropping feeling in my stomach. Like dread. I have a presentation tomorrow and I want to tell my teacher I rather get a 0 because I can still get a B- with the other work but that's so embarrassing for him to know what kind of person I am. And he will think, everyone else can do it, why can't see? She will never live a good future if she can't do this one thing. nIt's a standing presentation and my legs will be shaking. I won't know if I should read off the slide or try to paraphrase. Why can everyone else do it but me. I have forced myself to do presentations in the past, but as time goes on I look for anyway to get out of it even if it messes up my grade. I don't know what next year will look like and even the rest of my life. Why did I have to be born this way and will I ever be able to be normal at this kind of stuff?
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I have the same problem! I get uncontrollable shaking, rapid pulse, clammy hands, etc. Have you looked into Propranolol? This saved me for my best man speech and some work meetings as well. It's a beta blocker but can be used for stage fright as well. Basically slows down the heart rate, you will still feel anxious but the physical symptoms should be much less noticeable. With the physical symptoms somewhat in check I feel like it helps with the anxiety once the presentation starts. Good Luck!
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Me and a couple of online friends have been planning to start a d&d online campaignnnGreat! Fantastic! I'm getting used to the idea of DMing (I'm the one with the most experience) and I'm happy about it.nnSo, yesterday we played an online game together with audio chat to break the ice and I was able to say
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yeah, i dont use voice chat at all. i couldnt even speak to some online contacts that i have known for 5 or 6 years
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Okay, I apologize in advance for this being long.nnMy in-laws and my husbands best friend and his wife are going to San Diego for the whole month of September. My MIL asked if we would be able to come out at all for a few days while they are there. Well, we looked at our calendars and there's no week in the whole month that lines up where we are both free. He's training people for work almost every week that month, and the one week he is off, I have a big exam for school so I can't miss that week.nnOriginally, he said he isn't going to go without me. But then I got to thinking about trips his family has gone on in the past that we haven't been able to attend because of both of our work schedules, and how when we haven't been able to go the blame falls onto me. So after thinking about that, I told him he should go by himself for a couple days. Originally he said no, but because I don't want the blame I kept trying to convince him to go for a couple days. Well, he finally agreed to go, but he's not going for a couple days he's going for a week instead. nnI hate being alone. It's so bad that I can barely sleep when he's gone for just one night. I've tried taking sleep aids to help with it but haven't had luck. That being said, I figured I can make it work for 2 or maybe even 3 nights. But now he's leaving for a week because he told me a couple days isn't enough beach time for him. And i've never been so stressed out with school before. This is a program where a lot of people have to retake multiple tests, and so far that's been happening to me. And now he won't be here when I have to take the test. And I know I shouldn't be letting that bother me, but it hurts I won't have the emotional support here with me before I have to go take it.nnIt's 2 months away, and I already am basically having panic attacks about it. I'll randomly think about it again and start crying. I have no appetite, my heart keeps racing, and then I start feeling dizzy. nnMy therapist has told me in the past to focus on my breathing when I feel like this, but it doesn't help right now. I just feel like I'm being abandoned and I feel hurt he wants to leave for a week and it doesn't even bother him. I genuinely thought that since he claimed he didn't want to go without me at all, he would only go for 3-4 days at most. I guess my question is, are there any ideas or suggestions that can help me cope and get through this?
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My therapist brought to my attention some abandonment issues from my childhood I wasn't fully aware affected me today.
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(https://muthusblog.com/the-power-of-now-by-eckhart-tolle-summary/) states that living in the now is the most authentic path to happiness and enlightenment. Eckhart Tolle awakens readers to their role as a creator of pain. He also shows them how to have a pain-free identity by living fully in the present.nnIf you surrender to the present moment, your problems will no longer exist. The present is where you will find joy, embrace your true self, and discover you are already complete and perfect.
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This book is so good. I'm actually reading it right now - highly recommend!
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Can anyone else relate? It doesn't help my anxiety at all. It makes me feel paranoid and sometimes depressed.
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Same, when I used to smoke I would sometimes get so paranoid that I would just go mute. Now it's been over a year since I've been high and I feel so much better
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I feel like this place is mostly under 25s with no kids. Anyone else here who suffers with SA and has kids. I think I asked this before on here but I can't find the thread.
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Have two adult children and they do not have SA, Praise God. My daughter is a RN and my son is a CPA.
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I took Zoloft, got rid of it but made my depression worsennTaking Moclobemide at the moment, helping depression but makes my anxiety worsennnI realise that I need to learn to live with this shit for the rest of my life. How do you cope with it?
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I take Effexor and it is the only thing, out of 20 something years that has truly helped me. And I have a good therapist that helps me with cognitive thinking.
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I find that wearing a mask anonymizes me. It also makes it significantly less likely that anyone will talk to me in public. Whenever I see the latest number of people who have had the vaccine, I feel bittersweet about it as it means we are getting closer to the end of social distancing and masks. I don't want it to end.
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I have a problem where people constantly think I'm sad or something cause I don't constantly smile like a psychopath when I'm walking alone so yeah lol masks are so nice. I can make whatever face I want at people and they'll never know.
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(For warning these isn't targeting anyone I just think it needs to be said)nnBasically I'm a positive person, I'm the person who will tell people u201ceverything gets better, you're gonna be okay, it takes time, etc.u201d nI also have severe depression and anxiety and I'm up at my school counselors office everyday, multiple times a day having a panic attack or crying. I got to therapy, I self-harm, I have an eating disorder and trust me I don't think I'll make through most of the time however for me being able to tell someone theres some sort of hope for them brightens my day and I hope it does theirs. I know it's frustrating to hear u201cpositive vibesu201d and sometimes it makes people feel worse however you can never assume anything about people because you don't know what they're going through. So if there is someone if your life that tends to be positive maybe reach out to them and make sure they're also okay and it might serve as a bonding experience if not everything is okay. I just thought it needed to be said because a lot of people especially right now are going through a lot and people hide it by doing this sort of thing. I hope everyone is having a good day and if anyone needs anything I'm open to chat always.
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God bless and prayers you will get throug this I love you
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So I thought I would share this. Yesterday I just had my first date with this girl that I quite like. She is one of the few people that make me feel normal and I can talk to. We went to the movies (she layed on my shoulder!) and then we went back to my house and watched another movie cuddled on the couch. I have to say it went great!
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aww that's very sweet :) congratulations!
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I'm really fucking tired of being alone in my house day after day for years on end with no hope in sight. nI'm not saying you necessarily beat it, but have any of you gotten the ability to at least leave your home and work/socialize? How did you do it?
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I feel you. I am 32M, staying inside house since 4 years due to high social anxiety and agoraphobia. I am unemployed now. Also has narcissistic parents who abused me and made me sit inside house through out my childhood. Now I don't know and don't want to socialize. But I am frustrated because I am losing my life, my precious time which I will never get back. I seriously want to go out, work and have a life. I am trying. But have made little or no progress. I sit inside house doing nothing for long sometimes even 20 days. I am really fed up.
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I'm starting to hate from girls so much. Their laugh, behaviour, talk etc. I am being a misogyny per each day.nnI just can't control myself anymore. When i see the boys and girls with each other i'm starting to become jealous to them.nnI can't talk girls but when i see the boys talking with girls i just want to beat them all. nnOf course i'm kidding i can't do that but my hate is growing up against people all day.
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Yeah man you're right but when i get older per year SA embrace me much more.
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It's pretty gross, but it's the one spot where I know if someone is trying to get my attention(in person) that they are the weird one in the situation.
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Yes, I frequently retreat to a bathroom on a floor that people rarely use. It helps until the lights go off from no motion when I'm using my phone and not moving.
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the last time i had a friend who actually liked me was 5 or 6 years ago in high school. but he moved away so i havent had anyone actually like me since thennnwhen i went to college i didnt make any friends in all 4 years. people rarely talked to me in college and when they did it wasnt because they wanted to be friends. it was mostly because they felt bad for me.nnthen after college i started my first job and nobody likes me here either. for the first week people would come into my office and say hi and bye but thats it. thats not really anything. after awhile (without me doing ANYTHING) they just stopped doing that. now nobody at work talks to me either. when someone comes in the office they say hi to everyone else except me. everyone else seems perfectly fine with everyone else. just not mennwhen i started, another new person started 1 week after me. literally within their starting week they became best friends with everyone and a
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So think of something less complicated, like saying
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I started going out for walks in the late evening (after 5:30 PM) ish usually a few months back, but was never consistent with it, I would stay out for maybe approx 20 mins and then go back inside. And then it would be a few weeks or even a month until I would collect myself to try again.nnThe start of this week I forced myself to go out again and this time try not to skip any days, and I got 5 days in a row! nUsually it's just walking around the neighborhood or going down paths I've never been down, or going out to buy small groceries. I even got chased by a dog yesterday for the first time in my life which while it was scary I actually enjoyed the rush of it and felt so alive.nI also was able to give directions to a nice old man who asked me without overthinking or messing up my words. I handled an unprepared interaction with a stranger very casually which surprised me :)nnIt was so reassuring too because every day when I wake up I constantly feel “off” or “different”, despite me going out the previous day and feeling great and happy about being out of the house, I will have to force myself to go the next day. Because I feel like people will judge me or think I'm weird, or in a more serious case that I will somehow get hurt. I know it's all in my head and people are not really judging me and are stuck in their own world most of the time. And they don't care enough either. And the more I did it, the easier it was to push those dumb thoughts awaynnUntil today :/ I went down another small road I had gone to previously and stopped because there was a car blocking the way and there was a group of people too. Idk why but it rubbed me the wrong way and they were staring at me too, not glancing.nSo without looking too freaked out I turned around and started walking out of therennAnd not even a minute later two of them who looked in their late 50's catch up to me by car and asked me “who I was looking for”. It wasn't a friendly tone and was more interrogation themednnI acted indifferent and just said I was out for a walk and that was that, but inside I was so uncomfortable nnI went straight home after that and now my confidence I gained the past few days has been crushed. My intrusive thoughts are back and I once again feel like a freak, why can't I blend in with regular people? Is there something wrong with me I can't see?
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I don't think it was you at all. You said it was a small road, I bet you happened upon some dudes doing something shady. Hopefully harmless but I'm guessing the reason they pulled up on you was because they wanted to make sure whoever saw them there together wasn't a threat and didn't know them. nnHope this helps! You are not a freak and you acted perfectly normal in that situation. It's weird for them to be staring like that and blocking the road. AND to flag you down after? THEY'RE the freaks man. Def not you, you were just taking a walk minding your own business
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I just did a food intolerance test 3 weeks ago. Highly allergic to wheat gluten dairy and eggs.nnSince eliminating theese foods from my diet i feel so much less anxious, i feel happier, easier to talk to people etc. i also have way more energy nownnInnflamation is no joke….
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Look into the works of anthony chaffee. Choose ur plants wisely!nnI think the first steps anyone with anxiety should do is remove caffeine and food allergens. It might help alot of people from the get go.
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Last two years of high school, hid in the bathroom during lunch. nSo fucking scary to say this though lol what if someone I knew knew my account? Damn.
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I would sit in the library on the ocmputer with my flash drive playing Peggle or Megaman or watching Trailer Park Boys, lol
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this was around a month ago but i was dissociating like crazy for around 10 days. i didn't know what the triggers were because it happened so often. i was used to dissociating when i was under high stress, but this time i wasn't under particularly high stress. i would feel like i couldn't recognize myself or my friends/family's faces and the world was fuzzy. it would happen when i was eating, when i was reading, when i was watching netflix, when i was showering. everything. i don't think i realized how abnormal it was in the moment, but now i'm looking back and wow that was kind of crazy. i'm wondering if that will ever happen again.
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kind of. i would feel like it wasn't really me in my body. it felt like the world was fake. i'm sorry i'm not sure how to describe it. sounds would feel like they were fainter than usual. my vision was almost a little brighter than usual? i felt numb to everything.
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20M, straight. It doesn't matter but I said it anyways. I was sexually harassed when I was 4-5. Had a post depression when I slowly got to know what these things meant. Had opened up to some of my friends, about it when I was 9. Was ridiculed, had my masculinity questioned. was frail and skinny and was bullied (or shall I say tortured), had myself made a pushover under the pressure of fear. Saw two mob lynchings by the time I was 17. Had academic pressure and a whole lot of expectations to fullfill which my parents had. Lost a budding relationship with a girl due to my insecurities.nTwo more years and I could easily write down I had become paranoid, insecure, anxious, depressed and hopeless. Didn't used to leave my room for days. Attempted suicide on November 2019 for I was having haunting flashbacks of my past (and failed).nThings are surely sounding mixed up or out of order for I'm not able to write chronologically. No, I'm not writing for getting sympathy, neither for looking I'm some loser. Bad things happen. I know some have gone through things which are way worse than what I have, and they are still breathing. I'm sick of Letting my past control me. I'm nervous, I'm unsure, yes, but I'm not gonna let the cycle of depression get me again. I'm gonna face my demons and it doesn't matter if I loose now. I've been a loser half my life, so another defeat won't matter. It's gonna be insanely difficult for me. I could feel the dread even as I write. But I'll either walk the storm, or will be carried away by it. It's a single life, and my past , However scarred it may be has no right to dictate my future. And to all of my fellow anxiety mates, you're not alone. The struggle is real, but we will fight. Doesn't matter if we win or loose, but the fight is non negotiable. Let's look at anxiety directly in it's eyes and show that they might have ruined our past by it will never snatch our future. Let's not hide friends, for one day it'll all be over. For us , for those due to whom we had to suffer, for everyone. Let's not go gentle anymore into the good night. Let's rage, rage against the dying of the light. ( If it sounds cliche or dramatic, I'm sorry but a lot of emotions here, and I couldn't help it)nnPeace out
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Fuck yeah that's the way man, I'm very happy to see a post like this! What you said in the start, how you were molested AND made fun of for it, I had that exact same thing happen to me when I was slightly older. Also suffered bullying, even went through physical abd verbal abuse from family and drug addictions. Later, my dad died, We lost all our money and I went through a lot of heartbreak. Exactly what you said here, I reached that point 6 months ago, and guess what, I FUCKING MADE IT MAN. That shit doesn't bother me anymore, I'm pretty happy and am getting even happier. Just want to say man, you're a warrior to have went through all that and survived, and you'll kill it. You'll see so many benefits and so much mental toughness later as a result of this tough life. Good luck! I'm here if you want to talk about it or need any help, don't hesitate in dming ne
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I'm trying to figure out if I have social anxiety and how to be less anxious if that's the case. I'm in college currently studying from home and it's been difficult to connect with people with everything that's going on right now. Was difficult before quarantine as well. nnI find it difficult to make plans with friends. I don't have a lot of friends so if I do call ppl I'm only calling small groups and it makes me super anxious when I call like 10 ppl but only 3 are free. I was trying to be better friends with this person last year because I had barely any friends and I said hey another friend said he wants to meet us at the bar. And so I asked her to come too. We both were chatting and she's like is your friend coming? Because we'd already hung out earlier in the day and I invited her thinking my other friend is gonna show up. 2+ hours later he shows up which was super annoying. And the whole time I was dying inside because I wanted to show her I have a friend and am not just this loner. And I'm showing this girl the texts that he sends me because I'm so afraid that she's gonna think I'm just making this person up. And basically any time I try to plan an event I feel like because I don't have as many friends I think all those people who came to whatever event are judging me. nnBut it's not just this time. One time literally all the people in my living room who were friends with my roommate were high school friends/ acquaintances. And they were gonna go somewhere together. I could obviously hear they were there because the sound travels through. And I just stood in my room contemplating if I should go and say hi for like 20 min. And I've done this at my parent's house too. Even if it's someone I know I'll just stand in my room contemplating if I should open the door and go say hi. I just feel this pit in my stomach and I don't understand why. And the thing is after we start talking everything is usually much better than expected. nnAnother thing is I feel like I'll have a couple friends who have a lot of friends and one of them may invite me a couple times to hang with their friends but I never learn how to make friends with those ppl. Sometimes I'm making no connections with these ppl and I kind of get it. They all already have so many friends so why would they wanna hang out with me. I sometimes think they think maybe I'm cool if I talk to them. But it never progresses to anything. As in we maybe have good conversation in the moment for a bit but that's it. I'm generally more on the quiet side in big groups. Also I feel like a lot of this has to do that I'm not as interesting. And the truth is I'm not sure how to be more interesting. It also doesn't help that in even small groups I often feel like whatever I have to say is not important and then I end up like talking less than 5 % of the time. nnI also feel like before I would not necessarily go everywhere I was invited because I was anxious about talking to people but now I definitely try and go to more places. But the thing is I barely get invited. And for some reason people don't want to invite me multiple times which sucks. In college I was living in a place too which had like no parking so it was hard to reciprocate and invite people but I did try to plan lunches or go to other events with people. nnI feel like I could be more interesting but I'm scared to like get a twitter because I think who will even want to follow me. Who would want to date me if I got a tinder? Or I want to take pictures and I want more group pictures and stuff but a lot of my friend group isn't as into that. So to appease everybody even though it's what I want I never say anything. I guess I just want someone to want to hang out with me as much as I want to hang out with them. I feel like I'll sometimes say to people who're closer to me I feel like I have no friends. But they kind of always take it as a joke. I want to be able to confide in someone in a serious way so we can push each other to be more social.nnA lot of times I'm just sitting around watching netflix too. During quarantine what can I do to make myself more interesting? I feel like a lot of ppl say join clubs. But a lot of times I feel like ppl are talking about specific places they ate at or new video games or funny thing they saw online or music they like. And the truth is I feel like I'm so uninteresting that I never really found what things I like to do more. A lot of times I'll look up what's popular on reddit so I have something to talk about even if I don't really find it interesting . This is weird at my age but after I'm done with school work I'm usually just watching whatever show is popular on netflix or recommended for me or I watch like Brent Rivera videos of the labrant family. Which obviously a lot of college ppl don't watch. Recently watched Ginny and Georgia and A teacher. But same thing idk what friends would be interested in talking about that. I'm a math major/cs minor and have done some work in the tech industry. I feel like a lot more ppl are into video games and like more maybe educational shows which I'm not or anime. I want to try and get into video games but not sure where to even start. I feel like there's so many ppl who have strong opinions and can passionately talk about books they really like, the news they're really interested in, funny things that happened, and are always getting texts from their friends. And I'm almost embarrassed to say oh yeah basically after work all I do is watch netflix, alana arbucci, the bachelor, labrant fam, crazy challenges, clickbait youtube videos. Also a lot of ppl have done all these cool activites or have crazy memories with friends which they share and can make more and more friends. But I feel like because I haven't done this stuff idk where to even begin to make interesting convo and make more friends. I've been super into the bachelor lately but i'm not sure a lot of my friends would even wanna talk about that. And the truth is I'm incredibly caring always checking in on ppl. Literally told a friend yesterday that I'd make her some food and drop if off for her and her bf. Even though she set the date and then rearranged cause she was busy she hasn't replied back in 12+ hours. I don't understand considering if I'm making something I have to start tomorrow morning. It's just so inconsiderate. And also this is the 4th time I've made plans with her and no reciprocation. I don't understand sometimes why I even put in all this effort into staying connected with ppl when they don't even seem to care. nnI'd really appreciate any advice on how to be more social. Stories about anyone who wasn't as social and learned to be more social and how they did that. How to get people to invite you more to places(I feel like a lot of ppl never reciprocate or understandably would rather invite their other friends cause they're way more interesting)? How to find peace within yourself with less friends? I'm just so sad with my social life and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like with school if I'm not good at a subject then I can just go to office hours or something and get help with homework. But I'm so confused on how to get help with being more social. Like I feel there's no help.
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im not reading that
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He's leaving for California tomorrow, and his family is having a going away BBQ. I was told we (my family) was invited but once I got to his door, I was afraid I would be intruding. I texted him and didn't get a response so now I feel like I upset him in some way, and I couldn't bring myself to knock on the door. I turned around and walked back home.
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:/ Well that's no fun. Sorry about that but still think its good you went.
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I have bad anxiety and depression. But I've been having severe anxiety. Could it be the Modafinil? Thanks
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its only day 2 for me but i think its making me feel more anxious
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Just curious if this happens to you guys too, it's really annoying, I'm extremely jumpy, like a sudden, loud noise like a door banging down the hall will make me jump, once in colllege a professor raised their voice and it made me fucking leap outta my seat, it was so embarrassing lol
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I'd relate it to being paranoid
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Hi guys, so i recently got a job at a place i swore to never return to. A restaurant. My first job was as a hostess in a kinda classy place, but I'd cry almost daily in the bathroom cuz people are mean. Then i had curbside at a store but there everyone always wanted to talk and yap yap yap about anything and everything then proceeded to judge me for my lack of social skills. nnNow i ask you, what job (for an 18 yr old) requires no social skills whatsoever?nnOh and my new job is, once again, a hostess at a restaurant. Why? Because my dad kept yelling at me to get a job cuz I'm not doing well in college and for some reason people see me as a social type.
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Keep trying, never know how fast they're willing to hire. Target does this too but it's such a large store I'm not sure if they'll rotate you to the cashier position or other.
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I was supposed to start therapy today with the Cerebral app. My anxiety kept telling me to cancel while i waited for the meeting to start but i made myself do it. When the video meeting started I could hear the therapist but she couldn't hear me. I panicked slightly and searched my room for some headphones with a microphone. I found some but the Bluetooth wouldn't work. I was getting embarrassed with the therapist just staring at me through the camera like that so I closed out of everything and ended the meeting. She tried calling me on my phone but I muted it and tried to distract myself with YouTube. I think I'm going to cancel my account because I can't switch therapists without talking to my current one first. nWhat I learned today? I tried my best and I failed miserably. And the lesson is: never try.
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You can still message this therapist and explain the issue.
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I saw more than one post on that sub talking about how they feel bad and shitty on their birthday because no one called them except family.nnAren't people who suffer from social anxiety doesn't like getting attention from others?nnFor me i hate my birthday because people call and text me and my family celebrate it with me (I'm so blessed btw and thank God that people love and care for me) but that's not what I want. I wanna be invisible and not noticeable.nnAnd i thought most people who have social anxiety are the same but apparently i am wrong.nnSo the confusion came from here and am not hating on anyone I'm just curious to know their perspective.
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I can't speak for others but for me a lot of my SA stems from me wanting to be liked and accepted, so it feels nice to know that people love and care enough about me enough to take time out of their day to acknowledge me and wish me a happy b-day. So if nobody cared enough to send b-day wishes I'd be feeling pretty shitty and unloved.
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I think in terms of social skills, I'm still stuck in middle school
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A fetus
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If you come across this post please, I beg you, read until the end.nnHello, yesterday I broke up with my boyfriend who I also consider my bestfriend. My life is not going very well at the moment and I feel like this was kinda the last straw. He told me he has some problems with his mental health and feels like he needs some time to himself. He says that if he can not care for me (because of the state he is in) then there's no point in staying together. To give some context we started as fuck buddies right after he broke up with his ex and then got into a serious relationship but have never said
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Me reading this a 3.23 after not eating anything and basically staying in bed all day be like: nJokes aside thank you so much for reaching out, I really appreciate it
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Feel like this is a fairly common characteristic of those with introversion, would you say it's common among those with SA as well? Seems like the overlap would make sense.nnI went through a weekend trip with a group of work friends where I experienced this. I would be totally fine if I was talking to someone 1:1, but would basically shut down when it was the larger group. Too much stimuli, too much to think about, hard for me to read when to interject a thought into a conversation, etc.
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Yeah :') I don't feel as anxious when talking 1:1 with someone new. It's also a bit easier for me to speak. I may be fine with another person present as well (rarely though, I need to be close with one of the people present) but I struggle with anything with four or more people. I suck at group conversations. I worry about no one paying attention to what I said or if it would be alright for me to even say anything because I'd be interrupting.
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I often see persons out of nowhere dancing for no reason in stores, libraries. I suppose it takes a lot of self-confidence to do so.nnI wish I could be comfortable in my own skin like that.
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Gosh even in situations when everyone else is dancing I can't bring myself to dance. I just end up standing like a stone and pretending I'm busy with something else
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hey so I'm 21. for the past year I feel like I'm slowly going insane. I hear shit, like voices in my head and voices calling me when I do stuff. Then again I feel like I'm just making myself think I'm crazy, I yell at myself, I say I'm pathetic for trying to seem crazy. it's like a blur. feels like there's two parts of me, one listens while the other yells that I'm just pretending. I lost me, like the full person, even while typing this there's something saying that I'm just full of shit. is this maybe normal? maybe I am actually making myself crazy for, to be honest, I don't even know what, attention? it's getting hard. I hate myself, but then again aghhhhh. any advice?
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okay thank you so much
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I ask this because I've always wanted to start exercising regularly, and I know I'm able do it, but for some reason (I'm not sure why) I have this weird phenomenon where I actually feel more insecure exercising alone than I am with another person/people. But of course, because I'm incredibly shy around people, it's difficult for me to find or engage with anyone that I could possibly exercise regularly with (not to mention COVID's a thing right now. Go figure). So I just end up not exercising at all.nnAnyways, just thought I'd ask if anyone else feels in the same boat as me. I know exercise is pretty difficult in general for people. I'm just curious how people who have social anxiety like me feel about exercise with others.nn(https://www.reddit.com/poll/hz5qox)
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I can't commit to running unless I'm with a group
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I'm 20 and suffer from depression and social anxiety. I can't study, think critically or focus and I start losing all motivation to even try to. I have very strong issues with my concentration and memory at the moment.nnI'm inarticulate when I used to be well spoken.nnI don't have opinions on certain topics. I canu2018t find anything to talk about in conversations. I canu2018t follow conversations because I just canu2018t focus. nnFor the same reason I just canu2018t focus in uni online classes. Iu2018m present all time but I donu2018t remember what the docent said two seconds ago and so after classes I leave without remembering anything from it. You can imagine how this makes university and life even harder for a person that already suffers from depression and social anxiety.nnOften I donu2018t remember what I read in books or texts, what happened in a movie I watched, what I talked about with someone, what I experienced last day/week/month and so on. nnI feel like I can't even think anymore... like my mind is empty. I feel like I don't know ANYTHING. It's like I forgot everything I've ever learned or experienced.nnI start to skip classes more often because of this adding up to my depression and social anxiety. Itu2018s just so incredibly hard focussing and understanding. nnMy brain turned completely empty, unable to function and dumb in the last time. It seems like I canu2018t access my head, thoughts or memories. I have no concentration and memory, I canu2018t learn new things anymore. I read things I'm interested in and and then I forget them. And seriously how could someone develop not being able to learn?nnIu2018m not sure if Iu2018m able to complete my last two semesters of my psychology bachelor being like this. Even if I would complete it, I donu2018t know in which job someone like me, a young man with depression, social anxiety and now also cognitive deficits, could work and get his job well done. Then how would I ever be able to socialize when now even my cognition lets me down. How would soneone like me ever be happy and confident? These thoughts worsen my depression but itu2018s so realistic when I stay like this, disabled.nnI think having depression and anxiety for many years is the cause of my cognitive deficiency. Does/did anyone here experience similar? How can I demolish those problems? They really took the last ability I had in life as depression and social anxiety took the others...
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I've experienced all of these things since going off SSRIs about a year and a half ago. At first, it was REALLY bad and I figured it was withdrawal from the medication because I didn't taper off properly (and learned my lesson...don't ever do that). All those symptoms you described are better now but still very present and it's not who I used to be. They act up during times of significant stress, which tells me it's very much the anxiety and depression. nnI don't think it's irreversible. I think these things cause serious mental blocks, so adjusting your treatment should helpu2014in theory. That's what I'm hoping at least.
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Can't get out of bed today. I'm tired of myself. I can't talk for shit or look people in the eyes. I'm such a loser.
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You're not a loser, if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me. I also feel hopeless often and because of my anxiety my social circle has dwindled to nothing. You have value and matter :)
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349k in this sub alone! why in real life I seem like I'm the only one who have social anxiety?
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There's mo social on social media. Only a presence.nnA person with social anxiety having an extreme internet presence is like applied understanding of why social media bullying is so common. People know it's just the internet. They just forget there's still serious social implications which impact the people who read it.
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Today in Gym class we had to learn how to put on climbing gear in a really confusing way. I was the last person to try to put on the gear, and it was so bad. I didn't really know how to do it, people were yelling at me that I'm doing it wrong, they were also calling me stupid and a retard for not knowing how to do it. Its easy for them not for me, i'm a slow learner, now their gonna judge me every time, I put on the gear. It fucking sucks
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I wish you good luck.
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I keep seeing posts on here made by people who have friends and/or an SO, so I'm just wondering if there's anyone else on here who's completely alone, without any friends or any romantic/sexual partners. Am I the only completely pathetic socially anxious person here, whose only friends are my parents (though even they barely talk to me these days), and who has never had a romantic/sexual relationship?
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I don't think you understand me when I say that asking for help makes me anxious. Seriously, why do you expect me to be able to ask you for help when I can't ask anyone else for help? Asking you for help would make me just as anxious and incredibly uncomfortable as asking anyone else for help would. nnAnd I once posted my poetry on /r/ocpoetry (on one of my previous accounts), and no one critiqued it, so I'm now afraid to post it anywhere else. I feel like, if my poetry were any good, it would have gotten critiqued. So I don't think I'm going to venture onto /r/writing.nnAnd I barely have any person to person interaction at the organizations I volunteer at. I mostly just keep to myself, and tend to avoid talking to people whenever possible. Whenever I do try to talk to people, the conversation falls flat pretty quickly, because I've become so pessimistic and whiny, and no one wants to talk to someone like that.
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I suppose this a small rant. I've been getting slightly better with my anxiety. I've been able to confidently do my grocery shopping, go to a couple of places alone, initiate conversation with fellow peers and actually hold conversation! It was a huge confidence booster for me. I never thought it would be possible. That was until I went for an event today and it all came crumbling down. I felt so overwhelmed and nervous. People were literally avoiding eye contact with me. I talked to these two girls and they were polite, but didn't reciprocate and immediately started talking to each other in their native tongue. I ended up leaving within the hour I got there. nI mean I'm glad I mustered the courage to even go, but it didn't feel like I made any progress, and instead felt like I backtracked. I'm feeling so insecure and unwanted again. I know I'll have to pick myself up again, and I will, I always do. But I just don't know how I'm going to survive out there. It's hard.
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Thank you:)
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So, I got past the stage of being afraid to say hi, but now, I'm stuck on the part where I have to talk about something, I can't think of anything, around my brother or my close friend I am so hilarious I have so much to talk about, I make them laugh, I make jokes that aren't even funny and we still laugh at them. What do I do. Or maybe they aren't attracted to me that's why it's only me holding on to the conversation?
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Ask her about music or movies. What are her favorites?
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So in my class i had my on a girl and i wanted to approach her today after lecture but i pussied out because i was too scared of what people might think and i didnt know what i would say. Any ideas/ suggestions please would be appreciated..
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Cool :), thanks for the long answer!
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So, I am not necessarily looking for support but I just want to know what this means... I hardly ever accept help. It's not that I don't want it cause I think I do but I just can't except it. I feel like I don't deserve it and that leads people to believe I'm attention seeking and narcissistic. I don't think I am... I just want to know the correct word to explain why I act that way/what way I am really acting. So I guess in this instance I would appreciate some advice
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Therapist here. nnHow do you behave and respond when someone offers help?
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I always feel like when people see me twitching/shaking from anxiety they'll think I'm pathetic and weird. Theres literally no way I can know if this is true or not but I want to get over it. Does anyone have some exposure therapy/desensitization methods that worked for y'all?
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God damn you're still going. You win bro if it matters that much to youud83dude02. Stop writing paragraphs I hope u got better things to do than that. But let's be honest u don't.
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There is not much more to add. There was a situation though. So, for my best friend the word
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I'll try
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I'm using bumble bff to meet people and hang out with them a few times one on one. But in the back of my head, I have this voice saying “this person is annoyed when you message them” or “you'll never be this person's real friend. What are you even doing by using bumble bff?” When the other person hasn't done anything wrong. I'm just trying to get over my fear that they won't want to do anything with me but how would you stop the oppressive negative thoughts about yourself? Just curious
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I'm the same way. I always resort to negative thinking when I think someone dislikes me or doesn't want to talk to me, I'm just thinking that I'm the worst and bad to talk to or whatever but it's all just lies. Ugh it's the worst
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I'm I the only one who listen to music to deal with SA? For example I listen to music at school to block out all the people talking or just to have something to relax me with, if I get anxious I just listen to music then it goes away.nnBut people always why I have my ear pods in my ears, and I wish I could tell them the real reason, but I just tell them that I forgot to take them out, and then I actually have to take them out or else I'll just look wierd if they notice I still have them in my ears.
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When people ask you why you have airpods in you should just act all surprised like 'How did those get there??' Or, alternatively, 'It's how I communicate with the mothership!' Or the ever classic 'I can't hear you I have airpods in!' Either you'll weird them out and they'll scramble to get away from you, or you'll make them laugh and it'll serve as a good ice-breaker and you may make a new friend. Either way it'll make an impression I guess haha.nnAnyway, you don't really owe people a protracted explanation of why you always have airpods in. Just tell them you like listening to music and it relaxes you. Which is true! That's really all they need to know unless you feel comfortable telling them more.
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I want to tell this guy I like him but I'm too afraid to tell him myself. I'm thinking about writing a note and putting it on his dorm door.nnSaying something like this, “hey, I like you and think you're cute” and just leaving it at that. Would that be creepy???nnI can't even do anything in a group more than 2 people you think I can talk about emotions face to face? No.
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Old school, perhaps, but not creepy. I just have to ask, what then? If he feels the same way, do you feel you will be able to open yourself up to him?
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For me it's flipping out when I'm around someone I'm attracted to. I would just love to be able to walk up and speak with them like it was nothing. :/
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So I was driving back to my dorm and was pulled over by police. I was speeding, but to be fair I knew my exact speed; I was wrong about the speed limit. My awkwardness and fumbling made the officer think i was drunk. I had some alcohol that night, but I had stopped over two hour before and i was very much bellow the legal limit(as shown by the breathalyzer in the field and at the station). The guideline for DUI is based on
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I posted a few days ago that I would be performing at an open mic and was super scared. I would just like to let everyone who saw that post to know I did great! I was the first to go up, and everyone loved it. I even had a few people come up to me and ask for my information and congratulate me. I beat my social anxiety for a night! It went beyond my expectations. Anything is possible!
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Great job! What a daring way to go about beating your sa!
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