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Im a 24 y old male looking to meet shy people in life, i dont love loud en noisy people. But everywhere i go i only find extraverted people. What are some good places to meet shy people in general?
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Probably in there houses, but they'll also likely be on social media.nnTbh your best bet to find shy people is by looking at places where people in general go. Eg, the gym, your workplace, a bar etc. You won't find them very often, but shy people do go to these sorts of places too.nnTho I'd probably try a different sub for better advice imo
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I don't know why I'm like this. I never used to be like this at all, until the last couple of years.nnWhen I talk to people of any race besides white, I get extremely fearful that they will think I am racist. This makes me nervous, which, in turn, makes me look racist, which makes me more nervous because I'm visibly shaking, which makes me look even more racist.nnI started working at a Mexican restaurant last year and it helped a lot, but only with Latino people. I walked to a gas station and hung out with the Indian attendant all the time, and he was awesome. My fear around Indian people has subsided. I know for a fact that he thought I was racist at first, though.nnIt drives me crazy. I delivered pizza a year and a half ago to a white man in his car. I didn't know where he was, so I asked the black man on his front porch where he was. He replied in AAVE, and I was so nervous that I accidentally replied back in AAVE and embarrassed myself so badly I wanted to die. I was mortified.nnI feel like such a horrible person. I hate to think that when I come across people of color, they see my reactions and they think I'm scared of them! I hate that I am just adding another day of what they view as racism to their lives. Things are already bad enough as it is and I hate to think I'm hurting anyone.nnPlease give me advice. Please be nice to me about it. I know how polarizing this topic can be.
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I'm going to see a psychiatrist next month, idk why they're making me wait so long. If it takes that long, they need another fucking psychiatrist. Someone could kill themselves in the time they've made me wait. Not me, but like it's possible right?nnI'll look into CBT. SA has already held me back so much. I have no friends at this school I just started and I feel so alone, all I want to do is connect.
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Everytime I find people with same interests (for example, meet them through an online game), I can have a good time, but it gets to a point where it's too much emotions to bear and I want to leave everything. Does anyone relate in some way?
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How does your comment not have more upvotes?
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What's the difference between stress and anxiety? I'm feeling overwhelmed by deadlines and exams, because I'm feeling underprepared (I've been lacking the motivation to work for a while so I'm quite behind). All students feel stressed and struggle, I'm not special. I'm wondering is this self-inflicted 'anxiety' still valid as anxiety?nnI went to the doctor, who gave me an anxiety questionnaire. They also gave me one for depression, which I wasn't expecting. I've filled them out at home and got high scores on both. I don't think I really have a reason to be sad, which is what I've always associated with depression. I've not had any thoughts of self-harm either.nnI do have things I look forward to and enjoy doing, but can't let myself do those at the moment because there is so much work to do and such little time. Those depression/anxiety symptoms that I get (feeling hopeless, taking 'stress naps', feeling overwhelmed to the point where it's debilitating, losing my appetite etc) are almost always associated with my inability to cope with my studies.nnI think I am a perfectionist - I know where I want to go and make plans, but struggle so much on the journey/execution. If I know something is going to take a lot of effort, I'll procrastinate and avoid it until the last minute. It's taking such a toll on me, mentally and physically. I never seem to learn and am stuck in this cycle of avoidance and guilt. I have no willpower and end up disappointing myself and others.nnIs this normal university related stress or anxiety? I don't know much about these conditions. I'm really interested in hearing others' experiences and thoughts. Thank you.
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Thought I might as well comment as no one else has. I relate to a lot of what you've put (apart from having a direction in life lol). The lack of motivation really sends me down negative spirals. Unfortunately, I cannot give you any concrete advice as I have not been able to deal with my problems for myself. I congratulate you on your confidence to seek medical help, as this is something I am so terrified of doing. In terms of what you asked, is this stress or anxiety. Why not both heh. Either way, you are completely valid and I wish you the best in continuing to seek support. ;)
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I have trouble accepting that people genuinely like me so whenever someone's nice to me I question why their being nice. Anyone else suffer from this?
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I felt that way but the more I'm around people especially working in retail with various customers and co-workers. My pessimism, negative assumptions of others and questioning other peoples kindness but slowly as time passed I realized often times it's all in my head. It turns out for me it's a coping mechanism and something I find my brain repeating the same behaviors to possibly protect myself. Every time I catch myself falling back to these negative patterns I try to look at the opposite side or stay neutral to understand the situation. It's hard at first but I quickly learned who is genuinely kind and who isn't. nnAlso, if I'm negatively questioning things on baseless assumptions it really effects how I interact with others. I feel like people can sense that something is off. I find it to always come across from a neutral or even positive stance until proven wrong.
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Like I know for sure that it's not hereditary, because my parents are literally the opposite of me. They're really outgoing and have many friends, and all of my other relatives are like them too. And then there's me that's the complete opposite of everyone around him, I'm always shy and quiet and it really bothers me. I've been suffering from SA my whole life, ever since I was a kid. Maybe it's a genetic mutation or something but who knows. Like I don't even know how I became like this, which makes it even worse for me. Anyone in a similar situation or have an explanation for this?
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My parents have been loose with me throughout my childhood, and the helicopter parenting has been occurring recently throughout the few years. But I've been experiencing social anxiety ever since I was in the nursery and then throughout elementary school, I literally haven't spoke a word to the people around me. And only in middle school is when I started speaking casually, and now obviously I'm better than how I was before which means that I'm in a constant rate of improvement. But I'm also OCD, I've done my research and I've found that there's a small possibility in which it could be linked to SA. My mother has OCD symptoms which should mean that it's hereditary, and maybe the SA has only occurred to me since it could only be linked to OCD in rare occasions. Does this sound more like a legitimate explanation or maybe like you've said I've developed a base of anxiety due to the few flaws of parenting in which then SA developed?
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What was the moment you realised that is wasn't normal to be really anxious in every social interaction?
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I started therapy for generalized anxiety when i was 8 years old. Over time it gradually became socially focused. I was in middle school when I knew something was wrong, but I don't think I was officially diagnosed until early high school. In middle school my entire family was always yelling at me and punishing me for not being more outgoing...they'd call me rude and ungrateful every day. Which obviously made things so much worse. They expected me to act like an adult when I was only 12 or 13. I was still a child. Still messes with me to this day tbh (i'm 19 now).
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36f, on the nights when I'm actually able to sleep (I suffer from insomnia) I wake up startled in the middle of the night feeling like I'm going to die. It happens so often, like 3 times a week. Once this feeling comes over me I jump up awake and can't breathe. I told my husband about it and he was pretty concerned but also annoyed. (He works from 9a-11p Tuesday through Sunday, so I don't blame him) Last night, however, I jumped up and tried to catch my breath but the feeling was different. It felt like someone close to me was going to die, and that has never happened before. I talked to my psychiatrist about all of this before and was told that I was having panic attacks in my sleep and that “this new medication would make it better”, which of course it didn't. nI just woke up with the same feeling and I feel like I'm loosing my damn mind. I allowed myself to catch my breath and I'm sitting in a cold bath trying to shake this feeling. What I forgot to say is that last night when I felt this way for the first time I immediately went to call and check on the ppl closest to me but it was 4a so I instead text them all… which turned out to be a bad idea. I rcvd replies/ calls from all of them and the general consensus was that I need to check up on my mental health and maybe it's time to have a stay at the psychiatric hospital. nI understand that I have mental health issues. I also understand that a lot of ppl don't understand said mental health issues. What I don't understand is why when I feel concerned about their well being their first thought is to send me to a mental health facility because of the reason I was concerned. I'm now sitting in a cold bath just trying to get my bearings straight. I'm hurt, I can't stop crying, I can't calm down. This has been going on for months and I'd wake up thinking I was going to die and that didn't scare me one bit, I'm not afraid to die. Being completely transparent I've tried to commit suicide several times and that's something I have to bear. What I am afraid of is losing someone close to me and having to pick up the pieces while I carry this heavy burden of depression and anxiety. I don't know what to do I just can't stop crying…
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I do get overheated when I sleep especially when next to my husband (his body temp is abnormally high) I even keep the ac on 70 while there is a box fan a tabletop fan and the ceiling fan going…
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Went out the other night with my brother and his friends and was painfully reminded of how alone I am. I don't have a single friend in real life. No one. I thought I made a friend at work, but she moved to a different department, and now she doesn't even say hi to me anymore. I guess I should've known not to get my hopes up.nnI just want someone to hang out with. Internet friends are cool, but I want to go out. I want to dress up and lay around and watch scary movies with people. I wanna go on haunted hayrides and get lost in spooky corn mazes. Dudes, I fucking LOVE Halloween. But it sucks if you have no one to spend it with.nnEvery year it's just the same shit. I feel like I'm completely wasting away my 20s doing nothing because I'm too anxious to do anything on my own.
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Yes, this is exactly how I feel :(
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I have been asked over and over to join people at work for holiday parties, Secret Santa, etc.. I have no reason to do any of that. I don't fit in and I wouldn't talk to any of them anyway. They all think I am unsocial and stuck up, but they have no idea nor really care what is really happening. I actually would rather have it this way. I have been this way all my life. Is anyone else the same way?
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I will be honest: I usually choose to work through the holidays so that I am not obligated to spend my time
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Because SA makes me act quiet and timid and agreeable along with the fact I've never had a gf (for obvious reasons), people assume that I'm gay. Does this happen to any other guys here?
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Yeah. When I was 20 my mom asked me if I was gay. Nope, was just shy and still living at home in a small town where everyone I knew left for college.
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This is going to sound pretty weird but basically, I walk really weirdly. It all started 4 years ago when I first started getting social anxiety, where a bunch of my classmates made fun of how I walked. That made me super self-concious about my walking and it's been causing problems ever since. nn nnAccording to people that have noticed, I walk super tense and as my mom put it
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That's funny because I've been having this issue too. I don't remember having this issue before last spring. I was always walking with my hands in my coat's pockets as it was the winter, but when spring came, I didn't really know how to sway my arms properly, which is ridiculous if you ask me. How come something that is supposed to be natural become so unnatural? I was always trying to figure out how to walk. I was practicing in front of a mirror. But then I realized that this was SA at it's finest. It's actually how I found I had SA. How could such a small thing worry me so much? That's definitely SA. That's when I decided that I was going to fix this stupid problem ASAP. Instead of practicing how to walk, I was practicing how not to worry when I walked. I used to go spend 4 hours in downtown city where so many people walked passed me. I was only focusing on one thing, the environment. I was looking at people, buildings, you name it! I was just not giving a single fuck about me. Well guess what. With practice, my arms swayed naturally and I had a confident posture. My SA made me not able to sway my arms. It made me want to look small and not be the center of attention. nnThis is what you need to do. You can start small. Start where you can only do 5 minutes of a walk and then you are back in a safe space. Use music or whatever you need. Even try sunglasses. Fighting SA is fighting that feeling that others look at you. nnBut I didn't make it yet. I still get moments where I'm having a hard time walking. Even if I do my best, I still struggle. nnGood luck OP!
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My social anxiety is weird, when I talk to boys my social anxiety is really low, but when i talk to any somewhat attractive girls I get extremely nervous. Sometimes if she's really attractive, ill have to forcibly stop myself from crying while walking past them. Its like i have an inferiority complex around girls. Anyone know how to change this mindset?
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That is self-guilt caused by years and years of watching porn and masturbation, I know that because I am that kind of person that is why in real-life I feel filthy about myself that I don't deserve to even look, talk to any girls/woman, especially the attractive ones.
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I've been alone and isolated for most of my life because of social anxiety. No one around me understood it, they just called me weird or quiet, and I don't blame them. I myself did not understand what I had until my late teens. There have been instances where I really felt like I was some sort of
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They know I'm anxious. At least the people I talk to know. I doubt anyone finds me egoistical, but I am really trying to change my approach so that I'll look a little friendlier. I'm struggling with starting conversations with people I barely know, especially if I find them cool. But I'm working on it. It's just hard to deal with it alone with no support system behind me
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does anyone else get anxiety trying to post something of yourself online? it makes me scared thinking about how many people will see it. i always think they'll have some negative comment about it. or when i get a notification saying u201csomeone commented on your postedu201d it makes me so scared to check it. is this just me?
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reddit is the only app i feel comfortable with posting on. and if i do post i do the same thing as well, i check compulsively.
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Found out my dad has stage 4 cancer. He is planning on doing treatments but they are not hopeful it will work. If there is no change after 8 weeks then treatments stop and we just help him live out his final days.nnVery sad but mainly wanting to focus on how I can best help him while keeping myself sane. Family is a bit of a mess, afraid I will have to be the parent, daughter and healthcare aide all in one - I am up for it just scared and afraid of breaking down in front of him.nnTrying to plan some fun events now, but any insight from those who have lived it or are living it would be appreciated.
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I am sorry for you. Just do your best, and when you don't live up to your standards, forgive yourself, for you are doing one of the hardest tasks in life. If there is anyone you can delegate anything to at all, do it. Don't expect the house to be perfect or anything else either. If anyone mentions hospice, jump on the idea. Ask him questions about his life and record him telling you stories. You might not be
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Am I slurring? Am I talking too fast? Too silently?nnAnyone else have the same problem?nn(I don't know for how much longer I can stand hearing
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Try speaking to yourself in a mirror, see how people see you when you are talking to them, maybe you can figure something important out
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We matched on tinder and have been messaging for 3 weeks. We're both shy and introverted. But I've been told that she ghost me if I told her that early. On the other hand, I most definitely know that my SA will come up during the date and it might get weird. I think that not owning you SAD and hiding it is a bigger weakness than admitting it. But that's just my thoughts. What do you think?
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No. We're just chatting from time to time since they're really busy, or that's what they're telling me. But they want to meet sooner or later, so we'll see how that goes. With online dating apps you need a lot of patience. Quite understandable, since the girls don't know you or maybe I'm too weird because of my SA.
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Yesterday I forced myself to step out of my comfort zone and talked to a random colleague, and had lunch together! It was so nerve wrecking and I was so tired after the experience from all the post adrenaline rush. Bragged about it with just a handful of people cause I was so proud of myself. Only hope it doesn't kick back at me and make me retreat back into my shell again....
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Thank you so much! :)
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I have, in my opinion, pretty bad social anxiety. I've had it basically all my life but I got diagnosed when I was around 14. I've been through lots of different therapy to cope with it and for a long time a lot of the big problems of my anxiety had been lowered by the things I've learnt.nnBut now it's only getting worse.nnOn top of the worsening of my eating disorder, the chronic pain I suffer from and the depression episode I'm slowly collapsing into, my anxiety is just growing and growing. nnI'm paranoid all the time that people around me can read my mind. Rationally I know that they can't but my anxiety convinces me of the
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I'm so sorry. That sounds horrible. I know what it's like to believe that no one likes you because I'm going through something very similar right now. There's only one person in my life that really means something to me and I'm convinced that she only listens to my problems out of pity. I don't have anxiety so I don't know what that's like but I can sympathize with feeling like your world is collapsing around you. I just want to say that I'm so sorry and I'll be praying for you and if you want to message me I'm here
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i apologise if this isn't the right subreddit for this post and would love if someone could redirect me to the right one. nnbut yes, i genuinely feel like i'm more extroverted than i am introverted although, i do possess social anxiety which prevents me from being who i want to be. above all, i have this incredibly strong desire to be this outgoing/very likeable character, but when i'm put in situations where i have to interact with a large group of new people, i just close up and my social anxiety kicks in. i'm all “is it ok if i say this in conversation?” “no, it'd probably come off as super unfunny”nand heaps of other negative thoughts. nni did grow up an introvert coupled with a much larger amount of social anxiety, up until the point where i just wouldn't talk to new people unless spoken to, and i'd reply with a sentence or two and be hyperfocused on what i'd be saying. but as i've gotten older and attended college + the pandemic, i've definitely opened up a lot more, progressed greatly towards who i want to be and i know who i want to be now. i absolutely love going out with my friends and meeting them everyday and i really, really want to expand.nni've had days where i meet new people and i hit it off quite well and i'm funny and likeable. (this is usually when i'm incredibly low on sleep for some reason lmao, i don't know if that plays a part) but there's days where the anxiety kicks in with large groups of new people (i wouldn't usually say much and i'd be a fly on the wall) and i hate myself for it because i will never be satisfied with the fact that i'm not the outgoing person i want to be and it's a CONSTANT internal struggle. i really want to meet new people and hit it off with them and be good friends with them after that.nni'm just so confused as to what to do now to tweak my mindset and become more likeable and turn off the anxiety. thank you for reading. :)
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Ditto. I'm that guy who like you enjoys being with others once the anxiety wears off (often via alcohol) and loves making others laugh but the same guy who when I have to tell a story to a group of people, fears of being unfunny so bad that I have a social faux pas.. and just act weirdly shy all of a sudden
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I am currently an esthetician student and focus on skincare, but I'm slightly nervous to start taking clients. I'm not super personable. But I'm not mean. I'm kind of the observer type. And speak only when spoken too but I can't do that in this case due to my career choice. I love what I'm pursuing. And I believe I can do it. Is there any tips or tricks on how to be socially confident and reduce social anxiety.
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I think for me, if I'm going in for a facial treatment or something, I want to be well informed by the esthetician. Being told exactly what's going to happen, what I can expect, what I can and can't do after the treatment, etc and focusing on the medical side makes you seem like you know what you're doing and would make me trust you more even if you weren't into talking about yourself.nnI actually think a lot of people don't necessarily want a hair dresser, esthetician, etc who just goes on and on about themselves or wastes their time, so I think you'll be fine (and even especially appreciated by some people!) even if you're a little quiet.nnFor people who aren't as anxious, you can ask them questions about their skin care/routine and give suggestions. Even like general health questions can be good because things like drinking enough water, not smoking, etc do effect skin and you don't have to talk about yourself.
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It bugs me, but I feel as if everyone is phony is social situations (including me) because nobody is ever really showing their unedited selves; rather, we are almost always wearing a facade of sorts, or at the very least editing and modulating our social output such that we are not being genuine. nnAnd this has been a major sticking point for me. I can't shake the belief that we all pretty much have to be fake and phony in order to socialize effectively and to act like normal, civilized people. And this causes me to have a negative opinion about both people and how we socialize, which in turn makes me more socially anxious and stressed!
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I think what you're talking about is called
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Sorry for the rant, I need to get this off my chest and vent a little bit.nnA few weeks ago I decided to try using Tinder, not because I was looking for hookups or relationships, but because I wanted to see if ANYONE at all found me attractive. Basically, an experiment to see if I at least had a chance. No intention of ever messaging anyone if I got a match, I just wanted to see how girls actually perceive me.nnMy bio was straight up /r/meirl material and I basically just said
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I've done it to girls myself and it has happened to me too.
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I'm struggling. Every time I go to the cafeteria I shake, and I go back to my dorm. I don't want to sit alone. I don't want to sit with other people. When I sit down with others I feel like I'm a burden because of my nonexistent social skills. I literally bore myself with what I have to say. But at the same time I want friends. I want people to like me. I've been starving all day because I can't bring myself to go there. Please help.
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Can you get any grab and go food or snacks? I can relate. I never eat in the cafeteria because I have zero friends, it's super loud, and I'd probably be the only one by myself. I just hate it overall and don't want that many eyes on me. So I just pretend like I'm super busy and get something to go and eat it in my car or take it home. I'm in and out in under 5 minutes. Highly recommend. They usually have protein bars, sandwiches, salads, and bottled smoothies that you can take to your dorm at least.
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So I'm pretty sure I'm mentally ill n shit and i hate it. I have a rape and pedo fetish and i hate it so fucking much. I hate the fact that i get turned on by someone else's traumatic incidents. I am getting therapy before it gets worse but the fact that i have it is sickening. I hate it so so much. I've never told anyone. Not even my family. Seeing so many people who degrade people with these fetishes makes it even harder for me to open up to others. I don't even know if it's acceptable to post this on the subreddit but idk where else to post it, and it's driving me insane that i can't trust/tell anyone. If there's any subreddit that can more or less help me through this, please send some.
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Fetish or hyper arousal + need for a sense of control?nnOur brains are sponges for knowledge, it knows right and wrong based off what we feed it. nnSexual abuse has brought on some complex parts and the only way to process some of those trauma has been to explore the deeper parts of self that have been harmed. Often times those deeper parts of self are dark and not healthy. nnPorn has helped me process my trauma better but i have also fed, normalized, and desensitized my brain to some u201cdarker attractionsu201d. You need to brake the habit to rely on these things for arousal before it brakes you. Rape isnt okay, and neither is being a pedo. If you dont train your brain to reject these arousals, you will hurt someone.
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I've always had this irrational fear of going to the hairdresser's simply because I have no idea how hairdressing etiquette works. I was petrified of having my hairstyle choices judged or asking for the wrong thing and, even worse, having to make small talk throughout. It actually fills me with so much dread I just avoided it as much as possible. My last haircut 7 years ago ended up with me in tears midway because I just felt so panicked about it.nWell I have a new job I start on Monday and I finally pushed myself to call, book an appointment (terrifying enough) and then actually explain to the stylist my whole fears surrounding it. She was so nice about it and made the whole process painless. I'm so grateful for her and proud of myself for this small achievement.
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Congrats! This is great news.
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Yeah
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Yeah
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There are apparently two options:nn1) avoid all social situationsnn2) be sociable and wallow in self-loathing afterwardnnWhich do you guys choose??
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I avoid all social sit-ups and wallow in self-loathing from the hypothetical social interactions that play out in my head!nnFor real, though, go with option two. It's never easy, but you have to push yourself a little bit everyday. It gets easier, but you have to be consistent and face the anxiety when you can. nnOn mornings when you're feeling especially low, it sounds silly, but look at yourself in the mirror and compliment something you like or work on some sort of positive affirmation. Progress is slow, but the payoff is worth the trouble. nnAlso, what's the worst that will happen when speaking with people? The important people will stick around and accept you for who you are, but you won't meet them until you try. Plus, everyone has an embarrassing story or two. For example, I ordered pizza one night and my cat we affectionately call u201cteenisu201d ran out as I was paying. Without thinking, I yelled u201cteenisu201d right in the pizza delivery girl's face who stared bewildered and more than a little frightened.nnLong story short, I didn't make a friend that night. I felt like an idiot for awhile, but then I realized I'd probably never see that pizza girl again, and it really didn't matter.
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Yesterday was a really bad day for my depression. I was just so sad and have been so horribly sad for weeks. Yesterday was particularly bad. But today, I feel better and I feel crazy for ever being sad in the first place. Is this normal?
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HAHA that is scary
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So, I just found out that I've been nominated for student of the year at my high school which is great and all but part of that is having to be a part of a pep rally where the actual student of the year is chosen. I'm having a panic attack thinking about being in front of the whole school and even worse, actually winning student of the year if that happens. It sucks because I know I should be proud of this but I can't because any happiness I could feel is being overrun by all the anxiety I'm feeling right now. I want to run away and just not show up but I know I can't and some part of me doesn't want to. What do I do?
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That's an interesting coping strategy. Any tips on how to do that?
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.
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Russian Gatorade. nnDrink 3/4 of a lemon Gatorade, top it off with stolichnaya. Bring it up with you, slam as needed during presentation.
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Just wondering
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Some definitely. Not all. Some were simply not brought up well. You learn social skills and if your parents are unequipped to teach then you'll have to learn the hard way.
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I know that feeling of thinking that everyone on street are watching you, instead of discovering more symptoms why you don't go the Dr.?
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I'm so happy for you then I hope that you keep living your best life, I hope that you never have these cursed disorder symptoms to come back and haunt your life dude.
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Or at least I'm not aware of that. And honestly I'm so glad i found this sub, now i know there are many like me and i don't feel so... miserable i guess. My best friend is extroverted, but i always was curious to see how would it be to have a friend with my type of personality. nDo you guys have such experience?
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me neither, im probably the most quiet and anxious person anyone could imagine. back then at school there were always a few students who were kind of shy and quiet but unlike me they could still interact with others normally when they had to, werent quiet all the time and had at least a few friends.
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Everytime I have a conversation there's always those awkward pauses when Ive got nothing to say. Nothing to add, so I start overthinking til my mind goes blank. They only end when the other person comes up with something to say. I guess this is why barely anyone comes up to talk to me haha. Am I just a plain boring person to talk to?nnIve always wanted to be that guy, the one who seems to be friends with everyone, can pull out jokes anytime, and just fun to be around with. But social anxiety is just holding me back. Because of that, sometimes I feel like I just have no control over myself. Im just holding myself back from saying what I want to say and doing what I want to do. I always chicken out of social situations and im tired of it. I always worry about what people think of me, and it feels like everyones judging me with every step I take. Ive seen some advice out there saying
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I suck at making conversations.
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You see, while coming up with things to say and being more open to people isn't so much of a problem anymore, there's something happening to my throat whenever I start conversations.nnWhen I'm calm and talking, everything is normal. I sometimes even get told that I have a nice voice. But whenever I am talking to people I am not so calm with, my throat tenses up a lot which makes my voice sound accordingly stupid. nIt's higher in pitch and sounds as if I am forcing the voice out of my throat. nIt sounds really weak and also rough. nIt's hard to describe. Just know that it is really annoying.nnWhen does it happen exactly? nWell it usually does when I haven't talked for a minute or so, and I or someone else starts a conversation. nMy throat immediately tenses up but over the span of the conversation, it gets better. As soon as the conversation is over and I have time to calm down again, it resets. nAnd once new conversation starts, it's tense again. The topic of the conversation doesn't even have to feel uncomfortable at all, and it will still happen.nnI feel like, if this didn't happen, I would make even more progress with speaking to people but it feels like it's an automatic thing that I can't simply force not to happen.nnAny advice is highly appreciated.
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Drinking unfortunately doesn't do a lot.nIt feels like it has something to do with my muscles.nAbout what you said with beta blockers, I don't have those unfortunately.nI also don't know if they need to be prescribed in Germany or not.
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My daughter has been on geodone for 4 months the behavior and depression was pretty good weve noticed in the last 6weeks going from 20 mg for 2 weeks to 40 mg she has gotten more angry and depression is worse. We r weaning her off o figure halfing her dose for a week then dropping to 20 for a week then 10 would be ok since its only been 6 weeks or do u think she could wean off faster. Her pcm mentioned buspar in replace and and psychatrist waiting to hear back and visteril was just given to her 50 mg for anxiety during the day it doesnt make her tired bc we tried it for sleep months back nkt sure what to do bc her depression is worst and her anxiety is off the chain any suggestions would be appreciated i just want her to feel happy again..thanks
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Thank you I agree
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Or at least made it more manageable
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Exposure and changing my mindset. nnI've been ‘working' on my social skills, specifically aimed at my public speaking skills for about 8 years and there's definitely have been an improvement. I still do feel anxious at times and mess up, but life's not perfect. I felt like this has also helped improve my one-on-one interactions as well nnI used to be called weird, emotionless and quiet (in a negative way), but people now call me friendly and awkward. I do still get called quiet often, but someone told me they liked my presence even when I was quiet. Definitely an improvement imo.nnAnd I'm terms of mindset, I accepted that my social skill (I see it as a skill) can grow the more I expose myself. So I purposefully look for extracurricular (in my uni) where I can socially interact with others.
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Can anyone else relate? It doesn't help my anxiety at all. It makes me feel paranoid and sometimes depressed.
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Depends on your age. If you smoked before 25ish then you've damaged your brain: https://phlabs.com/marijuana-isnt-as-harmless-for-those-under-25-as-you-think-here-are-some-startling-finds
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I've been on Fluoxetine (Prozac), Escitalopram (Lexapro), Paroxetine (Paxil), Sertraline (Zoloft) - Only one I'd say that was somewhat effective, from memory as it was a while ago, was Fluoxetine (Prozac) and maybe Escitalopram (Lexapro)nnDuloxetine (Cymbalta) & Lamotrigine (Lamictal) - Currently on this.nnBupropion (Wellbutrin)nBupropion & Fluoxetine nClomipramine (Anafranil)nMoclobemide & Aripiprazole (Abilify) nnI'm so sick and tired of feeling no pleasure in anything, not having the motivation to live life, no desire to socialise & form connections, going to sleep late and waking up late. nnI just want to live life, but there's something in my brain that just prevents me from doing this. I'm so jealous of friends, and people out there, who are active and constantly doing things. nnI want to stop Duloxetine, but I don't even know what to try next in an attempt that this will FINALLY help….
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I've been on Paxil for many years and I feel like it has been pretty effective for me.
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hey, nnso I have depression and anxiety especially agoraphobia and some more mental sicknesses... But today I went to Starbucks. That's something I wanted to do like for 9 years. I talked to the person and ordered something ALONEnI just feel pretty good rn and have noone in real life to tell because who's proud to finally go to Starbucks lolnAn overpriced very delicious coffee is my success today nnthanks for listening nnps my first language isn't English so I am sorry for any mistakes!
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hope you are on medication or trying something, because your life is just around the corner.
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I have no problem checking myself in the mirror when im alone. However when I am in public or someone is next to me I feel so uncomfortable looking at myself. I feel like I would give them the impression that I care so much about looks and that im superficial if they would catch me looking in the mirror. Going to the hairdresser has always been horrible for me, but probably more so because I dont like what Im seeing and I dont know where to look so I just look at the ground. The masks have been a blessing honestly.
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>I would give them the impression that I care so much about looks and that im superficialnnSo basically you would give them the impression that you're a normal human being? Hahaha like it or not we all care too much about our looks, that's how it is.nnEveryone looks at themselves every time they see a mirror, don't worry about that.
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I was diagnosed with GAD and depression today, and I don't know how it makes me feel.nnTo be honest, I can even say I feel relieved. I feel relief knowing that all of those racing thoughts for the last 2 years, inability to focus on my grad school, constant worrying about future, my family being across the globe during the global pandemic, finances, any social isolation were also driven (even if partially) by something else that was somehow out of my control.nnI was prescribed Zoloft, and will start with 25mg today. I'm not sure if this will help, but I am hopeful and willing to give it a try.nnTyping this just made me cry.
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i'm on the generic version of zoloft and once you get past the adjustment period, you can feel the visible difference it makes (although everyone's different) i wouldn't have been able to survive and graduate college without it lolni wish you the best of luck!
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Or am i a nailess weirdo?
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I stopped biting my nails a long time ago, however now I scratch my skin raw when I get anxious. As a result I bite my nails on purpose so that they'll be short in order to protect the skin I scratch..
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So I want to workout hard but the only thing that is holding me back is that I'm scared that I'm not able to wear a fit body since I am not confident and have bad social anxiety and I feel like most people who are fit are confident and don't have social anxiety which makes me scared to start working out.Any advice guys
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Thank you
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Lately I've tried pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I transferred to a new college and joined a sorority (everything was mostly online this past semester so I didn't really have to directly be social all the time) but now it's becoming so real. I have friends in the sorority but they want to drink all weekend and go to parties and stuff like that. I don't want to at all. I feel so overwhelmed because I don't want them to think I'm rude. I've already made excuses every time they drink together so I don't have to go, but now it's my friends birthday and I'm the only one over 21 who can go out to the bars with her. I know they will want to drink all night and I have to go to the pregame and bar with people I barely know. It sounds horrible and it's a week away, but I'm having panic attacks over the thought of it. I just want to stay home and paint, watch tv in my bed, and relax. I don't want to go out. I don't want to socialize with people I barely know. I want to be by myself :(nnLast weekend I took a big step and visited my old friends and stayed overnight. They wanted me to smoke with them, and I said I didn't feel like it. I don't even care if they smoke, why does it matter if I do? I just wanted a chill night. One of them (who I am not even that close with, so don't know why he felt like he had the authority to say this to me) said u201cI feel like you're never down to do anythingu201d. I'm not going to lie these words directly stabbed me where it hurts the most. Am I just a boring person? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I want to party and smoke and socialize all night? Why do I want to be alone? Is there something wrong with me? nnNext year is my senior year of college. I'd be perfectly fine with one or two friends who I see every few weeks. I want to drop the sorority but that feels like a failure. It always feels like I'm running from things and it's a cop out. I thought I could handle it but I can't. It only makes me feel bad about myself seeing everyone else hang out all the time. It's really my own fault because I don't want to be there. I don't even know anymore. I just need to vent. Thank you for listening guys
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Yeah, I love this community everyone feels that same way I do your not alone there is nothing wrong with not wanting to destroy you liver at an early age, or wanting to destroy your lungs. you really just need to find like minded firends and everything will get easier.
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so, im 20 and struggling with anxiety. the thing, is im scared im never going to move from this constant state of fear and be able to get a job and start living...nnhas anyone gone through that too? were you able to move forward and make a better, healthier life for yourselves?nnim not a pessimist, im just frustrated.
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thanks! i started taking meds at the beginning of the year, but with the pandemic i didnt get to speak with a therapist, so i've been trying to not feel low. and you're right about doing things that i wasnt able to do before, life feels a little less like hell since i started the treatment, i'll try to be more possitive <3<3<3.
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Hi all, nnI'm not sure how I recently came across this group, but I was in the exact same place as YOU a little over four years ago. I want to share a message of hope and that it is sooo POSSIBLE to live an amazing life free of social anxiety. Below is my story, and I will outline some points that helped me along the way. nnMy social anxiety controlled my life from high school to my first few years out of college. I immediately went the drug and alcohol route to combat my social anxiety, which eventually only made things worse. I would drink before any social gathering, and always had to be at least tipsy before going to a big social event. The only time I didn't feel the need to drink was when I was with close friends or my family. This eventually turned into full blown alcoholism at an early age. I was obsessed with seeming cool, likeable, and not weird. I was obsessed with what people thought of me and was extremely shy and insecure around new people. Eventually my drinking got to a point where I had to drink. I got sober almost 5 years ago, and that's when the work around my social anxiety really started. nnI was 22 years old, just graduated college, moved to a big city, and started a new job. Talk about STRESS. My social anxiety at work was crippling. I could barely talk to my boss, was intimidated by my coworkers, and was always overthinking eye contact, body language, tone of my voice, and what people thought of me. This lead to being completely exhausted at the end of everyday and thinking that I would always be severely anxious. BUT- throughout all this time I forced myself to go to work everyday, go to AA meetings (which was fucking terrifying), and just kind of raw dogged it. I tried weird online programs to help with social anxiety, researched anxiety on my own, and even ended up on the phone with a
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This is a really good post. Congrats on overcoming your SA.
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24/M/TX and the older I get, my desire for isolation grows. I'm an extreme introvert, with interspersed crippling SAD.nnTalking - it drains me. I'm bored before a conversation starts. I love music, making music, cats, philosophy, and hobbies I don't even do any more like skateboarding; however, I never even want to talk about my
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I feel the same, especially about work. I just try to focus on what I can that makes me happy - and that means I dont bother with a lot of social stuff. Its all fake and bullshit anyways. Spending more time alone, getting into the outdoors...it all keeps me grounded with what is important to my life and having that root connection gets me through the fake stuff.
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I can remember instances of my social anxiety all the way back to early childhood (I'm 35 now). No doubt, there is a very large genetic factor at play. From separation anxiety in the first grade, to a hand-trembling, face-flushing public reading in fifth grade, there are points in my life that not only illustrate the history of my anxiety, but they were very powerful in perpetuating it. Luckily, alcohol entered my life during middle school and helped build my social skills, which in turn elevated my social status, gave me more confidence, and mitigated my social anxiety to a certain degree.nnOf course I'm not suggesting that middle school kids going through social anxiety should be downing shots of whiskey with their school counselors. But you know what, I think under the right circumstances that could actually work. Lets assume the school counselor has the underlying skills necessary for the position, and the student does not have any crazy strong predisposition to alcohol addiction. In such a situation, the use of alcohol may be able to lower the student's anxiety level just enough to follow through with coaching techniques, experiencing the
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I'm working with a treatment center and seeing my therapist once a week. But nothing has helped me like cbd
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i was just wondering what all my fellow social anxiety friends are up too tonight, i think i might just be watching a movie on my laptop and eating candy :)
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I'm working because none of my coworkers wanted to and I knew that I'd be at home otherwise lol
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Always going on about how much you hate people, and hate hearing them talk, and hate it when they won't shut up, and how much you just wish people wouldn't talk at all. It all makes me feel anxious and guilty if I talk. I'm sick of the
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I see introversion be conflated with misanthropy and other truly anti-social behavior far too often. Blaming your social problems on introversion is an excuse to legitimize petty hatred. In my experience, it's a tactic signature to Narcissists and Sociopaths.
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That instance, like when I'm sitting in a train, and I'm in front of some people, I know they aren't looking at me directly, but I know they can see me in their peripheral vision. That thought makes me really anxious/uncomfortable/restless.
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Yea, i understand you. rThere are days I wish I had the power to be invisible.nnOur anxious minds make us alert all the time, but I'm sure all those people on the train are pretty distracted, absorbed in their own problems... nnrStay in peace
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Anyone feel me on this
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I feel you. Recently I was reading Atomic Habits by James Clear, and he said something pretty interesting. It had something to do with focusing on your trajectory as opposed to getting frustrated with where you're at right now. As long as you are consistently improving, you should be content with yourself, as you are paving a more successful path. He mentioned how improving by 1% will amount to being 37 times “better” after a year. I definitely understand how challenging this is cause it may not look like you're getting anywhere. He mentioned something about an ice cube in a cold room. The room gets warmer by the exact same temperature increase. You notice it melt at a certain temperature, but the room was warming up at the same increment that happened to be the one that made it melt.
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For years I've been feeling incredibly anxious when walking. I think about it like a math test. Who's watching me, how many people, is my crush in that direction, etc. I roll up my sleeves then purposely roll them down in big crowds to re-adjust them again. What makes me the most comfortable is having something heavy in my hand, but the problem is my phone. Now I just look like a mindless zombie with my head down, however, I feel a tiny bit at ease when I hold something with some weight in one hand and the other hand in my pocket.nnBackground: I believe the root to this crippling anxiety is how I was laughted at by my step-dad and mother. Step-dad says that I didn't swing my arms enough when I walked and my mom would confirm and remind me. After each failed attempt to alter my walk to make it more
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Very well put! My mothers side of the family always talks shit. It's that tough love that usually goes on. I was around a different part of my family where that type of tough love wasn't used as much.
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Sometimes I'm sitting next to a group of people having fun and I eavesdrop to see how their conversations flow. I know it sounds creepy but I sometimes I feel like an alien studying the human race.
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I totally get you, been searching youtube for videos of random people having convos (not staged) but nothing turned up, just gonna observe people having convos in cafes for now
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has anyone tried this for helping with their mental health, meaning getting up at 5am. maybe doing some exercise before you start the day? I am not a morning person at all, and I often have difficulty falling asleep along with insomnia where I wake in the night so it seems counter productive but I wonder if there is actually a benefit to this which could have a knock on effect for an improvement in my mental health, the result of which might actually improve my sleep? I haven't really seen this discussed anywhere in terms of improvement for peoples mood problems but I thought i'd put it out there and maybe it might be worth trying.
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tbh I don't know if it's just my mental health that is causing me problems and making me get up late? I know that I have been a night owl in the past but this could just be out of convenience and because I have fallen into the habit of being a bit lazy with getting to bed late (ftr I am not calling other people lazy for getting up late). I also don't feel motivated to get up early as my mh puts such a strain on me and just drains my motivation to do something like this. everything feels like too much effort, I should point out that I have suffered from issues with depression as well. the one big problem I have is when I am tired I am cranky, and when I am cranky I can be insufferable I get very angry very easily and that causes me social anxiety. this is the main thing that is stopping me from doing this, I have a fear that even if I regularly get up early I will still have problems getting to sleep, it's happened before like this. and that means I am getting less sleep.
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When my depression gets really bad and i contemplate suicide, I always say i'm not going to write a note but idk why. I just realized it's because i don't want anyone to feel more pain than they already do. I don't want people to believe it's their fault bc it hurts so much.
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:( Aw man I'm so sorry she did something so awful to you like that! I hope therapy has been improving for your well being tho!
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I thought this day would never come. Going in for the first kiss was actually scarier than asking her to come to my place.nnAsk me whatever you want.
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Is it worth the hype ? How was the experience? Was it with someone who had understanding for your mental health ? Did you enjoy it or was ur brain full of fog due to anxiety ? Should I go for it just to get it over with (cuz 20F here and still a virgin) or wait til I find someone I feel like taking it to the next level with ?
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Hi everyone! I somehow actually managed to survive an interview and get a job which I'm really proud of myself for doing but now I'm really scared about starting it. I start next week and it's in retail as well but I'm nervous that I will be really bad as I don't know what I'm doing yet and I don't know my coworkers and stuff. How will I survive my first few shifts?
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thank you! :)
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So I have a presentation on Saturday and I am seriously scared af. I don't know what to do. I am well prepared but I have to speak infront of the whole class. My voice is the biggest problem because no matter how hard I try I am told it just isn't
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My advice? Focus on your voice and speaking up/clearly. I understand there's a lot that goes into a presentation, but you can actually use this
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In my group chat though I don't often do so, I sometimes make jokes/ ask a question but like, one second after writing the message I cringe and regret writing the message so I quickly delete it. I often do this so today one of my classmates thought I was weird so he texted me
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I write replies, comments, posts, etc but then I regret everything and I delete them before actually posting them. I'm just so afraid of saying something wrong
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So I left my job over 4 years ago but I still think daily about how weird I was. I spent so much energy every day avoiding eye contact, avoiding interacting, it was draining. I also used to try force myself to look angry so nobody would approach me. Whenever there was a break at work, everyone would sit and chat and I'd stand on my own as far away as possible looking down at my phone, not at anything in particular, just to look as if I was busy. I always think that my coworkers must've thought I hated them or that I was really arrogant which is the complete opposite. I know it's the past but I so wish I could've talked and been part of the group but I was just far too anxious and awkward. Even a simple hi to someone and I'd be thinking to myself oh shit, what have I said, did I say it right, why am I like this. Work would end and I'd go home, not sleep & sit up thinking all night about one word I said. Go to work the next day as a nervous wreck hoping I could avoid any social interaction for that day, that was the u2018dream'. Why am I still thinking about this lol. Stupid & weird, but, that's me.
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I was the same way when I was working in the shearing sheds not talk then at the end of every run I'd go sit out side away from everyone else that was in my crew that were shitting inside and I had the same mindset they hate me or I'm just a stubborn cunt lol. I'd be up majority of the night sometime until the early morning sometimes no sleep. Just thinking about trying to break the cycle week in week out but just couldn't seem to do it
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I teach at a university and we have just received a request from an MA student with social anxiety who is requesting to be completely exempt from attending seminars. I would really appreciate input from you, as I have no personal experience with social anxiety and don't know enough about it to really make a decision.nnThe seminars the student is asking not to have to go to are just a small group - 5 or 6 students and the professor, and it's a three hour seminar once a week for ten weeks. The point of the seminars is to discuss the texts we read, and since grad school (in the humanities) is supposed to be mostly about learning to think critically about stuff you read or experience, discuss ideas, apply theories and present your opinion about things orally and in writing the seminars are very central. Students generally each present a chapter or article during the seminar, and we all discuss it. 75% attendance is required. There are also some lectures and so on in seminars.nnSo it's a big deal to miss ALL the seminars, and while the student suggested they could use email communication and do tasks outside of class to compensate, that requires a lot of extra work from us professors, because we would basically have to design a whole online version of the class - and the professors would have to be the discussant for the student since the other students are discussing in the seminar, not online. nnBut just saying no also seems callous. nnDoes anyone know how other universities in similar situations have dealt with issues like this? Or does anyone have good ideas for helping the student to participate in class, at least most of the time?
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The most common treatment for social anxiety is to gradually expose oneself to this specific anxiety.
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Hi everyone,nSo I have a pretty serious case of social anxiety, and lately I've been trying hard to get rid of it. Doing pretty good in my opinion. I'm just at the age where I have to start being independent to live a normal life, and to get my dream job.nnSo, I'm posting here to challange myself. I used to post stuff on the internet with no problem at all, but lately my social anxiety has gotten worse and I've been just reading posts, wishing I had the courage to write something myself.nnSo, here I go. I'm scared, but I know that I can do this.nAnd I wish you luck in your struggles, too.
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SA it's just a problem that YOU CAN RESOLVE
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Hello everyone, I started volunteering on (https://7cups.com) (a free and anonymous mental health chat site) as an active listener in 2017. I do pretty well (ie: ppl seem to really like the help I give) and I wanted to help more, so I decided to make videos to reach a broader audience and make mental health help more accessible.nnThe channel is called: (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-CnACMguz0yFQbTCy6V-jw)nnHere are some of the topics I've covered so far: Feeling Too Broken To Date, How To Move On From Past Sins, How To Stop Seeking Outside Validation, Helping Someone Who Doesn't Want Help, Feeling Self- Conscious in Social Situations, etc.nnIf you want to check out my ratings/reviews on 7cups, here is my profile: (https://7cups.com/@knockknockneo)nnAnd feel free to email me if you need help and would like a different perspective. nnTake care, everyone!
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Thank you for your help! I don't mean to downplay your efforts at all but our of curiosity, do you have any qualifications in the field, or maybe venture onto studying the field on your own? I hope my question does not come off in offense.
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Do you have any advice on how to help my 19 year old son. he has anxiety depression .He does have a therapist and a medication prescriber who he talks with via phone about every two weeks. He was hospitalized for about two weeks for suicidal ideation. Covid closed most of the groups at the facility. So his stay was cut short. Suicide has resolved with meds since but depression persists. He barely leaves his room. never or rarely leaves the house, has social phobia. has had two jobs in last year but quit due to anxiety. failed drive test 3x due to anxiety and fking parallel parking. Wants to go to school for a trade but can't get started. Sorry I'm rambling...any advice on how to help him? personal hygiene is not an issue he just doesn't feel comfortable with people. 19 no in person friends, no life except on line gaming seems to make him somewhat happy.
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Gaming can be an escape from reality, a coping mechanism that's like treading water; you stay afloat but don't get anywhere. There's a lot of positives in what you posted, the trades have never been better paying. What does he like? Carpentry, mechanics? Lack of freinds in the days of social media may not be a bad thing; your son could just be honest (not popular at the moment) I work in an older teen residential facility. Post more details - if not, look up your local vocational programs. Welding for instance is an extremely well paying skilled trade, so is Carpentry
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I notice that I will only say hi to a coworker if I pass by them or if I'm working with them. But there are times that I don't greet them at all. nnDo you greet all your immediate co workers every day? Is this seen as rude? Like I think it's weird of me to go out my way to say hi to people. nnThanks in advance for the tips.
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I usually try to greet them when I get a chance, I start to feel a little bad if I don't and worry they might take it the wrong way.
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I hate everything single thing about me. I'm always treated like crap everyone expects me to do their work for them they never ask me how I'm doing it's just u201cInkaz can you do this for and Inkaz can you that for meu201d im never paid I'm never appreciated no one is thankful for the work I do and it stresses me out to the point where I snap and lash out my violent anger on everyone around me I hate my life I hate my emotions I hate the depression and anger I have I regret everything I did to my brother I'm sorry I yelled at you all those times I'm sorry I screamed at you for the smallest things I can't help it no one wants to help me they treat me like I'm they're personal servant I just can't do this anymore I just want it all to end I have so much guilt from everything I have done wrong in this world I'm sorry Jeffery that I've been a dick to you all my life I'm sorry papa that I couldn't see you one last time I'm sorry grandmama I couldn't tell you I loved you one last time I'm sorry George I couldn't tell you how much I truly am sorry that I couldn't tell you goodbye one last time you were a wonderful friend and a great guy to talk to I just can't do this anymore I hate myself I hate life I just want all this pain and suffering to end I just want to be happy and loved. I just want to be forgiven by all the people I've hurt.nI just want to be loved again.
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It's good that you've written this down. Did it help you?nnMy advice: take a break. Take a few days off, if possible. You don't have to do more than you're able to. Write letters to the people you want to say things to, even when they have already passed. Tell them what they need to hear. You don't even have to send the letters. I think most people you've hurt have already forgiven you and have moved on. You are the one who needs to forgive you and you won't be able to if you keep pushing yourself out of guilt to do all kinds of stuff for people who don't appreciate you.nnBreathe. You're not a bad person. The fact that you're sorry for hurting people proves that you are not a bad person and you deserve forgiveness.
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If you had to guess, what caused your social anxiety/or any anxiety disorder? I was sheltered pretty bad as a child tbh.
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Abusive mother and favoritism. Never feeling valid in the family, with adults or around
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Idk if this will get taken down, but I'll share anyways. So I got over my social anxiety of going to meet this girl, I was super nervous, but I went and all went well. I left with some regret of “I can't believe I did this”, but also I feel happy and confident at the same time, all of a sudden now I'm riding this high of happiness even though I had some regret of going??? I'm not sure what it is, but my confidence in speaking to people and women in general has increased, I guess I don't feel so nervous around women anymore. Part of it might be because if things don't work out with a girl I'm flirting with, I can still go meet an escort the same day and do what I want. Any other dudes have a similar experience?nnEDIT: I'm not encouraging you guys to do it. But I haven't been with a women since my gf 4 years ago, and what I was trying to get from women by flirting and what not, I got so easily. It changed my mindset and the anxiety around trying to get laid. The fact that I don't really need the girl I'm flirting with to sleep with me, like she won't, Kiki will.
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I disnt know about this guys post history or whatver, but from this post it seemed like he had a lot of fear about having sex and being rejected. Men are heavily pressured to get sex otherwise they are seen as failures, and what I think he was getting At was doing it with an escort removed that pressure and made it so he could just talk to girls. Maybe he sees escorts in a shitty way and I dont commend that mentality.
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it's so stupid that I feel like laughing. It's just a fricking voice message! which people my age send carelessly. My body is literally reacting like I've just met a death threat or smth like WTH?? Has this ever happened to anyone? is my anxiety getting too chronic?
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I swear I sound like a small kid and I'm 18 as well fricking hate my voice lol
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nJust like it says. For the last few months I just feel empty sometimes. I'd be just having my day and suddenly I just feel heavy and sad. I usually just go away and cry until I calm down. I don't know why. It started when I first started a relationship but that wasn't the cause it was very a very healthy relationship. Sometimes I just felt weird and unhappy for no particular reason. Then only 3 months after starting our relationship she broke up with me. And of course I was sad but now I just feel like there has to be something else. I feel more angry and sad. Everyone regards me as this fun nice guy but I don't feel that way. People say I'm friends with everyone but no one really ever seems to want to talk to me. I feel alone even though Im surrounded by others. I'd be at the gym and people say I look good and all the Time everyone I know comments on my body and it used to not bother me but now it just doesn't sit right anymore. I look at myself and I don't see who others see. Im not that big, I'm not that nice I'm just a not so great person that everyone puts up for no reason I never done anything. I've never worked for anything or gone through a struggle and I'm still acting stupid like this and I don't understand and I just want to be normal again and the person everyone liked.my friends I feel like are getting further from me everyday. It doesn't help that a lot of them are good friends with my ex girlfriend and they are better friends with her than me so I just feel like like they don't care about me anymore. I don't feel like I'm enough. I can't drink anymore because I just get very upset. Not sick or sloppy. Just upset and alone and like everything in my head is coming out . It's like everyone sees me for someone I'm not. And I just wish someone liked me for me not just make a passing comment about me and pretend they're my friend.
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Thank you man it is very appreciated. Thank you for commenting I hope all is well
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I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time now...nnyou know when you cut and you just have the instant release over you..? or is that just me? probably not. But lately it seems that i have been used to this person i have now become...and i don't know if i can ever get the old me back... I miss it everyday knowing that who i was 4 years ago is long gone.nnBut last night, i was wanting to cut so bad, but i promised i would get better for my mum. So i didn't i have been trying and trying so hard not to fuck things up again, but nothing i do is good enough. But again last night, i was taking my dog outside it was probably 9:00pm dark still...and my mum walks out and sits down..we start talking until i saw a shadow... but i have always seen these shadows...i found out that i have schizophrenia and apparently it runs in my family, but we couldn't ketch that early, because i adopted. So when i was telling these things to my mum she kept on bringing religion into it.nnSaying
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Do you work?
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I have a few decent friends who I enjoy hanging out with. They text me sometimes and I get invited to a fair amount of group things which is great.nnBut whenever I go to suggest doing something one on one with someone I get super anxious and nervous. I somehow twist it into my head that they don't really want to see me at all and maybe they'll have other plans with other friends of mine and they didn't invite me.nnI don't know, it's stupid. But has anyone had this? And what did you do to make it go away?
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I understand completely! I rarely initiate hang outs because a small part of me feels like so and so is only hangin out with me out of pity because they know I have so very few friends. But all I'm doing is pushing myself away from them. It's dumb I know but I can't help but feel this way. I also always worry that I won't have enough interesting things to say and it will be awkward...so to prevent the potential awkwardness, I won't initiate a hangout.
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I am so unconfident and insecure that I keep losing opportunities to hook up or even date girls that have told me they are attracted to me. They always end up in a relationship later on or hook up with my other friends because I was too unconfident to either text/talk to them or hang out with them. I've been told to come over to their homes and always shy away. I struggle with social anxiety, being unconfident and insecure.
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I know it's easier said than done, but don't compare yourself to your buddies or make it about what you think you should be doing or who you should be. You'll never compare to what you've made up in your head because the goal posts will just keep moving further away, which doesn't help with the confidence/low self esteem.
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I've had panic attacks in the past but it's never been this bad! nnI was in a shop and I was walking around and I felt like I was going to collapse because it felt like I didn't have a footing on the ground (I've had food today so I know it couldn't be because of low blood sugar). I was trying to walk but I felt like I couldn't feel my pulse. I tried deep breathing but it just made it worse. nnI actually thought I was going to collapse and die. I didn't want to embarrass myself so I just went to a quiet area, where no one else were. nnIt was a really scary experience. I would really appreciate some support!
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Oh my gosh that's so kind! thank you so much! That's honestly put a smile on my face! nnI actually did see a therapist for 3 months but stopped because of financial reasons and because I found that the therapist I had wasn't the best, especially because it was over the internet! I might try again with a different type of therapy soon tho!
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I noticed if I start getting into an argument with someone online or in texts or tell them something somewhat personal, i start getting symptoms of an anxiety attack. Today, I finally told a man that's like a second father to me that I havent spoken to my own dad since Christmas (hes narcissistic), something I've been wanting to tell him all year and have been held back by anxiety. Immediately after I typed and he saw the text, I started shaking and sweating and my heart rate went up. This happens with anyone I tell anything like that to, even my best friend whom I've known since we were children.
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I would avoid typing things like that, its a bit awkward for the person, what do you expect him to say?
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I'm not really sure where else to turn here, I usually wont be spilling my guts like this but I feel like I'm somewhat stuck between a rock and a hard place and I dont really have any friends and my family is the reason I'm in this mess. nnI feel like maybe I should give you all a couple details about me just to give you an idea of what I'm up against.nnI have AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder). I live with my mom and step father who are the hugest assholes on the planet. And I've been homeschooled my entire life, giving me the hugest social anxiety ever from never having any interaction, and really bad self-esteem issues because my mom wasn't exactly the best teacher and so I probably have the IQ of a child in elementary school.nnI'm 18, I just recently got my lisence. I was terrified of driving, plus I knew as soon as I got it my mother would be shoving me out of the house and pressuring me to work, so I put off getting it for a really long time. nnAnd I was right, shes literally giving me no option at this point then to work. She expects me to help pay all the bills and pay rent, she wants me to pay her just to be allowed to live with her.nnShe works at a warehouse (Amazon's stocking facility to be exact) nAnd without my knowledge applied me to work there, I got the job.nnNow shes saying if I dont work shes kicking me out and all this and that and she's literally giving me no choice. nI keep trying to tell her I'm not ready, that I cant even order food from a restaraunt myself or even leave her side in a store without getting severe anxiety. She just calls me a baby and tells me to suck it up.nI really dont know what to do. I'm not even getting the same shift as her so I wont even be able to depend on her for help. nnI really dont know where to go or what to do. I KNOW I cant do this. I know I'm going to have a breakdown. I know I'm going to be competely overwhelmed but she just wont listen. nnShe says its in my head, that I need to grow up and I'm just making excuses to keep mooching off her. nI dont even have anywhere to go if I am kicked out and even my car is technically owned by her to I cant even just drive off somewhere.nnI feel like I'm at my wits end here.nEven if I work I know I'll eventually be fired ( once they realize I'm an idiot who can hardly do basic math and once they realise I cant even hold a normal conversation)nnI know theres not a whole lot of advice that can be given here, I just really needed to vent. Has anyone else here ever been in a simiular situation, if so what did you do?
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Give the job a shot and see how it goes. If it goes really well, stick with it and save up your money. Even if you have to give your mom money help with the bills try putting some of that money away so you can move out. Nobody will even realize you have SA on your first they, everyone just assumes it's because you are nervous for your first day (as everyone is) if after a few days (or a week) you still feel the same way, quit.
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Like I don't have traditional nightmares but instead, seemingly randomly, I will have anxiety dreams. Sometimes these dreams reflect things I am anxious about in real life but other times they make me anxious about something I wouldn't normally think about. I won't have the same dream multiple times but instead the same things happen in different dreams.nnFor example some of the things I've dreamed about more than once include being late for something important, my teeth falling out, and taking the dog for a walk but forgetting to actually bring the dog. That last one is quite weird I admit.nnJust wondering if anyone else experiences anything like this as well?
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One of my most recurring is that I'm in high school, I need to get to math class, but I can't remember where the room is and no one ever tells me. This one still jerks me awake and I'm in my mid 30s
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So I cant speak loud and people cant understand me. When I try to speak loud im just yelling.
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omg this happens to me too. people always tell me to speak up and I get rlly embarrassed
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Hello friends. nI am at 26 years Old guy. I have social Anxiety all the time. I do play video game a lot. nYet, it dosn't stop me to have a lot of diferents social circle of friends. nnnI have business relationships with who I create and manifest the kind of life I want by building and achieving goals. nnnI have workout relationships with who I train and push myself even more while focus on construct good habit for my healt. nnnI have date relationships. I met the kind of girl I want and I am able to connect on a deeper level with them while staying completly myself. nnnI have gaming relationships with who I just play League of legend the whole night while talking on Discord. nnnI have party relationships with who I just can express my wild hidden self and just dance and celebrate the smalls win's of my life.nn nI have adventurous relationships with who we just travel and connect with the nature by breathing fresh air and discover cool new places where ever we go. nnnThe thing is I don't let my social anxiety rules me. nnn If you are to anxious to even talk with one person, you gotta find one person who can do it for you. nThere is people who are more social and you gotta accept that. nnnBe friend with them, let them do what they are good at and focus on the kind of value you can bring to them. nnnHaving social anxiety don't take away the other positive values you have. nnnYou can DM me if you need advice. Maybe I can Help you Achieve your goals.
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how did you overcome it?
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I live in the Bronx where people like to congregate outside sitting in chairs to hang out
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I feel you. Summer has always been my least favorite season, by far, Fall being my favorite. My birthday is in November, so my zodiac sign is Scorpio, which are described as being more introverted people who are more comfortable with darker things. Funny thing is, this is spot on for me. In Fall and Winter, I just feel so much more in my element, so to speak, because I love colder weather. nnAlso, I believe clothes have a lot to do with this as well. I hate having to wear short sleeve shirts in Spring and Summer due to the heat, but come Fall and Winter, I feel so much more like myself wearing long sleeves, jackets and sweaters. I think that's because when you wear short sleeves, shorts, open toed shoes, whatever, you're exposing yourself to the world more, which for an introvert like myself, just goes against my nature.
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I finally got my first job and I was emailed by HR telling me that my start date is today (20th). I went there, struggled to find the entrance and was told to go to the service desk for help. 2 ladies helped me by contacting someone.nnFast forward, a supervisor comes and says
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Thanks for your insight!
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Living with social anxiety for me is like taking a walk with a 100lbs on your shoulder. I'm so tired.
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Add me too pls
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Prozac and lexapro worked but I couldn't stand the side effects… any help/suggestions would be great!
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Of course you can tell your doctor what meds you want. They'll state their opinion on them and find the right dosage with you. I did that too and am more than happy with my choice.
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My doctor just prescribed me BuSpar for my social anxiety. For those who have taken this before, what were/are your experiences with this med? I've tried Lexipro and propranolol in the past with little to no benefit. Any thoughts appreciated :) thanks!nnEdit: any other recommendations on prescriptions for SA that work well for you?nnUpdate: it's been a little over 2 weeks since I've started and haven't noticed any effects on my anxiety. I'm going to wait 2 more weeks and see what happens. If no changes, going to look into a different med. thank you everyone for your comments and input :)
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Also tried propranolol and didn't think it had any effect even with increased dosage. I think the buspar helps with my general anxiety and irritation but have not noticed much in terms of social anxiety. Still on the look for something that will help the social anxiety bc hiding in my room my entire life isn't that fun :)
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Hi everyone. 26 straight male here. So I slowly realized that to be an adult you should first stop being a child (by child I mean, being selfish, trustful towards others, seeing things colorful, and most importantly stop playing with innocent games, that nobody's getting hurt by). I realized that I have to put on some already used masks to put myself in society that I don't want to be with. I do really want to stop being a child, but the problem is that I can't put on mask to be a “real” adult. I'm true person, honest and loving. And again this sounds selfish but I'm stuck. All I want is to meet person who thinks like me and go somewhere in the woods to not even see those masks again. I'm freaking tired. Please tell that I'm wrong and this theory is just a bullshit
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My spouse is a big kid. We are perfect together. He likes toys, I like games. He hates working, I'm a workaholic. He needs help getting out of his shell, I need help staying grounded. I kissed a lot of frogs before I found this one. I also have found friends and colleagues along the way who I can be myself with. It took a while, but I dont have to compromise who I am and you don't either. Your people are out there, give it time and try new spaces and places. I found my people in the arts and academia.
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This happens a lot, when I tried to talk to people I got scared and ran away. This made me look like a weird person. That is why I don't like going out much. But I'm learning to become a programmer so uhh yeah. I am also an introvert.
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This happens to me all the time
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We've been living together since January, this year and never lived together before. Just an FYI, she is 32 and I am 38. We both knew it would be different but not like this. She says I'm dirty and salmonella ridden bcs after I wash my Tupperware dishes I don't put the lids on them before putting them away (that has changed now) and I didn't let them (all the dishes) dry completely before putting them away (that has also changed). Also my body type is pretty slim but if I say I'm not hungry she says u201cI doubt that little miss I like to stuff my face every 5 seconds.u201d But then tells me eating only 2 small meals a day and keeping my daily calorie intake under 800 is unhealthy. I'm really confused by her comments. I recently found out she talks about me to her mom and told me her mom is super judgmental and snooty yet, she talks about me to her like she wants her to not like me or something. Her mom, stepdad and grandma accepted me into their family when they met me bcs my friend told them I have been through a lot of really messed up situations and asked them to please be nice to me so they have been so far. My friend got mad at me for getting mad at her about talking to her mom about me and said u201cshe's MY MOM and I will talk to her about whatever I want.u201d Wow. Jealous, much?? I also found out after moving in with her she has manic depression so she has the u201ccourtesyu201d to wait til it was too late and had an episode to tell me about it. We also discussed thoroughly prior to moving in my transportation situation and she said she has no problem dropping me off at work and picking me up since she traded in her old car for an almost brand new one before moving. I was still worried about it and she reassured me not to worry and we would figure it out together. I kept stressing to her during our apartment search that since I don't have a car right now I would feel more comfortable staying close to work but instead she decided we should move to a different city which isn't too far from my job but not close enough to walk to. So it's all different in her mind now since she said she is getting annoyed being my only mode of transport and last night she started complaining about the extra wear and tear on her car. I also give her gas money when needed. We live in Cape Coral and I started a new job also in Cape Coral, still too far to walk and she accepted a job in Bonita Springs, the opposite direction. No one forced her to accept a job offer 45 minutes away but I feel like she is blaming it on me. I didn't even know about the job offer until she accepted it. She is also pressuring me to buy a car with money that isn't there and she knows I don't have it. She is also putting pressure on me about saving up to be able to afford the current place we live in after she moves out in a year. She claims to be my best friend but said I have 1 year of living with her and then never again. She is always saying u201cjust until next January and that's itu201d as if I am the worst roommate on earth. I'm not gross, I shower daily. She showers like once every 2 to 3 days but I'm the dirty one according to her. I clean up after myself and do my laundry regularly like a normal person. The majority of the pets are hers and they make most of the messes. I offer to help clean up after them but she refuses and then later tells me if she didn't do it this place would be disgusting but admitted to me that her dogs and cats are the ones making most of the mess. The only pets I have are 3 guinea pigs. They don't do anything. What did I even do to her?:(I'm so confused by this girl and it's like I don't know her anymore. I'm sick of walking on eggshells around her. Can anyone help me understand what is going on here?
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Lol
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Hi guys, nIdk if this is the right thread but I was hoping to get some advice. nnI struggle with social anxiety and sometimes it makes certain life things hard to deal with. For example right now I'm just trying to cancel my gym membership and it feels impossible. nnI tried to cancel it seven months ago. I called and spoke to one of the employees telling them that I wanted to cancel and they said can I call you back? And I said sure. They never called me back and they never processed my cancellation. nnI tried calling two more times during business hours and no one answered the phone. Somewhat understandable because it was during Covid.nnI finally called again today and the woman told me that they would have to process one more payment with yearly fees of $77 (the membership itself is $24 a month) in order for me to cancel. Basically she won't send me the link that I need to cancel my membership unless I pay another $77. nnI'm really frustrated with the run around I've gotten from them. But I dont want to be rude to some employee who's just doing their job in order to get my membership cancelled and not have to pay another $77. nnThis happened to me before when I moved states and I tried to cancel my gym membership and I kept being told I had to wait and call back when the manager was there. The manager was an ahole and I knew would try to pressure me into not cancelling. They were really abrasive just during the sign up process. nnI was so anxious about dealing with them that I never called back to talk to the manager and I kept getting charged. nnI don't understand why I can't just call and have my membership cancelled without all the bs. I feel like such a wuss for not being able to deal with this. nnAny advice for how to approach this in a way that won't make me anxious af
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There has to be some sort of legal repercussion for them giving you the run around to cancel your gym membership. I would see if anyone knows if there is legal repercussions, and if so, maybe bring that up when you call next. Sometimes just hearing the word lawyer makes companies more willing to work with you.
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Anyone else feel really anxious when they have a family get together at Christmas? I just sit there quietly whilst my family laughs and jokes and has a good time, but if I make a contribution they just look at me and humour me then carry on. It's like a look of pitty, mixed with confusion as to why I'm so weird, and also a bit of shame. It's so sad that I can't even feel comfortable around my family. They love me but I feel like if I wasn't related to them they wouldn't want to know me.
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All I can say is that I'm 28 years old, had this my whole life and it hasn't got better. In some ways it's got a bit easier to deal with and in other ways it's got harder. It really starts to mentally take its toll as I think about this everyday and it can't be good for the mental health. I would suggest therapy, but I've never been brave enough to try it myself so I don't know what it's like. Other than that just keep soldiering on and try to accept yourself for who you are and not worry about what other people think of you. If you figure out how to do that, please let me know how ;)
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My bf mentioned to me that because I seem to think most people don't like me or think I'm so-so/okayish that the reasonable way to gage reality is to add plus 50 to everything I think, haha. If I think someone doesn't like me, it means they think I'm alright, if I think someone thinks I'm alright it means they adore me, etc. I found it amusing, because it's probably true on some level, but for some reason it does scare me a little to think someone may like me more than they actually do in reality. It's also an annoying idea to just automatically assume my measure of reality is going to be wrong, as I (and you I'm sure) am so used to just trusting my instincts and feelings. I brought the idea up of people liking you up with my therapist and she was like
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> trusting that they are likeable peoplennI've come to understand over the years that this is basically self-esteem. It's not a dynamic thing, or something you can put your finger on, or almost even a thing itself. It's just this baseline
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I've been smoking ud83cudf43 for about a year up until recently and it was the only thing that made me not depressed and the world not so grey. And now that I've stopped I'm just so depressed without it and it's just a deep sadness that never really goes away and it's constantly on my mind. I know you can't get addicted to it but idk...it feels like I'm not whole without it anymore. Does anyone relate? Idk if I'm crazy
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Ive been on and off smoking for years now, and i too recently quit after a year of doing it 24/7. Having it in my life is dope for sure, definetly enhances a lot of things, enthusiasm, passion, creativity, i even used it to study, and life just seems much more enjoyable, saying that i definetly appreciate being sober too, both have their posotives and negatives. Ive had times when i smoke for fun and times when i smoke just to smoke, or to cope with reality really, and that makes me stop doing things i enjoy and wake & bake every day. Now during my sober periods i have to make sure my time is filled. I have to focus on hobbies, study/career. If i do nothing for too long that creeping dead sadness comes in and totally demotivates me to do anything. Altho ive quit im %100 sure i will go back to it one day when im ready, i dont and never have seen it as a bad thing, or something im addicted to, my weed use reflects my emotional and mental state. My mental state was crappy so i decided to quit again and focus more on my life. nnAnyways dont beat your self up for doing it, but dont do it to escape sobriety, find ways to enjoy both, focus on your passions and find things youre interested in.
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So im a new noob streamer. I stream with ps4 no cam, only my voice. And even just streaming with my mic on is so much to me. In a few months I will have a whole set up with camera and i want this group to help me over come my shyness and anxiety. Get me ready for being infront of cam with people watching me.
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Yeh, no problem! I'm glad it seems to be helping. No need to be nervous! The more you stream, the more you will get comfortable with it, and improve. Your first few streams will most likely be the hardest...but it will become so much easier! You'll do great! nnAnd you should totally post here when you plan to start streaming, so me and some other people can come support you! Good luck, and don't hesitate to ask me for help or anything! I'll try my best to answer questions or whatever you need.
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I'm a little confused about the difference because don't you also avoid things when you have social anxiety? So I guess APD is more than just avoiding things, but google didn't really help in terms of establishing the difference between these two. If anyone with APD wants to explain that would be much appreciated.
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I've always thought sa is on a spectrum ranging from people who get nervous in interviews right up to apd and then agrophobia at the ultimate end. nI always assumed apd was at the more severe end of the SA spectrum. So you wouldn't have apd without having sa as well. But you could have sa and not apd
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I am trying to start going gym but I have a huge anxiety issue and also I have a few cuts on my left forearm
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imagine yourself going to gym, make it detailed as much as you can, and to make it feel real use your senses (when you're inside, what are you hearing? smelling? how do your feet feel? how does air feel? what do you see ? etc)nnin a week or two your anxiety should decrease nnnprobably won't happen but cuts might annoy someone, idk
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All my life I thought I was extremely shy. Up until recently, I found out about social anxiety. Its context actually fits how I feel during social interactions. nnI never told anyone. They may think I'm crazy, and I'm just imagining things... nnYet I want to tell my friend, explain to him why I act the way I act around him or in social situations. nnI'm afraid, of his opinions, because they do matter.. nnWe're close, yet when I met him today, I was very anxious, I counted every move, and scolded myself for every
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Thank you, your answer has made me feel so much at ease, like it's okay to feel this way... nnUnfortunately, I can't afford any sort of professional help. nnP. S ; friend and I usually text almost daily, today is first time we met in several monthsnnThe reason why I wanted to tell my friend is because today, when I met him, despite my awkwardness in communication, he remained calm, kind, and didn't make fun of me. nnI felt like he would understand. I'm this great friend he knows (he told me that), but beyond texting, I'm not that straightforward in real contact. nnIf I let him know, then he would understand if I made any clumsy attempts of normal socialisation. I would like to practice with him, if that was okay with him. nAnd of course, I would stick by his side too through bitter and sweet too. nnNevertheless, It's okay if he didn't understand. I'll continue my journey of learning by myself. nnSorry, my thoughts get messy easily, so my reply might not be very structured. Again thank you so much for replying, your words have given me so much strength to continue this life...
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I (21 M) really need to see a doctor about physical aches and pains, especially around the heart/chest area. I know it's probably urgent and needs checking even if it's not, but I'm too scared to call and book an appointment and have been for a few months. I'm also scared of telling my parents and asking them to book an appointment for me (they're already fed up of my sister asking them to).nnI'm certain these aches and possible heart issues are caused by inactivity, which I'm sure is caused by my anxiety (and a bit of laziness, for sure). I barely leave the house because of the fear of being judged and being questioned if I do, and am too embarrassed to go and exercise, even at home (and even if by myself, strangely).nnI know what I need to do and that I need to do it asap, but despite knowing that and the reasons why I find it difficult, I still can't do it. I want to, but it feels impossible and I know I'll suffer greatly because of this.nnOn my tombstone shall be written:
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I know you said you're scared of telling your parents, but I think you should probably talk to them. Maybe just start saying that you feel heart pain
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