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Any Queer artists here with SA interested in sharing work via email or video call as a way to engage with other artists and practice speaking/writing?
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what do u mean?
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There's a few guys I hang out with occasionally but lately whenever we hang out I get the feeling that everyone is expecting me to start the conversations. Whenever there are awkward silences, no body freaking says anything until I blurt out whatever random thing pops into my head. Usually I'll get a response or two but these responses are mostly short and stagnant so there really isnt much to say back. And now the awkward silence is back. Then there are times when I blurt out something just to break the silence but it ends up being a really weird thing to say and it seems like everyone is thinking
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i tend to think the trick is to hang around people with similar goals and interests as you. isn't it better to start a conversation you all want to have then just talk for the sake of talking? nnhere's a meetup group i made two days ago to test this idea out - http://meetu.ps/2Q68LS why don't you start a conversation you'd actually like to have?
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I look forward to getting to the pub, but halfway in a pint I get antsy and awkward and want to be invisible.nOn a day off I refuse to leave the house. (I baked a loaf instead of going out to buy bread) nI want to sleep all day, but then force myself to stay awake instead, lest I waste precious alone time, and feel exhausted and miserable the whole way through; and eat myself about having to leave the house the following day. nnI don't want to be anywhere. nnWhat's the point..
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I feel u
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Or whatever you want to call it? I'm tutoring online and that's all i do for work because I'm afraid to expose myself to people every single day. I wear my mask everywhere. I am fully vaccinated but I want to protect myself and my family from breakthrough case via the delta or the mu. I'm home all the time except to go shopping. I feel self conscious because I often feel like I'm the only one still doing this. My social skills were shit to begin with but I think they took an even harder hit since last year and I just am not ready to face the world yet. I also wonder if people think I'm crazy for being the way I am. So is anyone else still taking these precautions, not gathering, not really seeing friends, and just staying home? I know some people with SA have agoraphobia or are just home bodies but for those that typically aren't (or weren't) has the rona made you a shut in?
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Honestly haven't really cared about covid since I caught it a few months ago. But I don't think you're crazy for being cautious. Don't feel bad about worrying about yourself and others
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Just wondering
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these replies hurt to read
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I'm not beautiful nor do l stand out in any way or anything like that, so why do people keep fucking staring at me? It's so rude, annoying and unnecessary. I'm literally just minding my own goddamn business and everyone's like:
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I try to make eye contact with a girl I like or a crush...just to see if she's approachable. Sometimes we just can't catch each others eyes in the split second or maybe she's just not interested at all. Then it's oh well. Get over it and stop looking her way.nn​nn​nnLife moves on.
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Do your triggers for SA come from a trauma? I was wondering this about myself, because I get anxious around people that are hierarchically 'higher' than me (e.g. supervisors and other people expecting things from me), I lately I am wondering if this stems from an internship I did where my supervisors were kind of rude and angry and the overall atmosphere was very bad. I also get bad feelings with everything to do with my work-topic, so maybe this is also related to this 'trauma'. I did have SA symptoms before this, but it may have elavated it. Someone recognize this? And maybe have advice?
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After working with a therapist I discovered that my selective mutism and fear with teachers and other adults stemmed from some events that I perceived as traumatic with regards to adults disciplining other students or my sibling. The only thing that's really been helping me as an adult get past these things is
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It's like i'm racist but towards humans. Humanphobic you could call it. Its a combination of me always being left out in school and never talked to or picked for anything. Humans are so cruel towards each over and total jack ases. Animals on the other hand are so innocent and sweet. They will never judge you and they will accept you.
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>Humanphobic you could call it.nnlol No. The word you're looking for is
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Usually my house is a safe haven from the judging eyes of school, but lately it has become just as bad. My family is constantly judging me for not being social and my appearance. I hide in my room most of the time and avoid going downstairs, but now they're judging me for staying in my room. I don't feel safe anywhere. I just want to be alone all the time.
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Your home has to be a place where you feel safe. This gives you courage for when you go out to do what you have to. Try talking to your parents, explain to them how difficult it is to do what they are asking everyday. You just have to remember that they only do that because they care about you and your future. It would be worst if they don't.
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I am close to scheduling an appointment with a psychiatrist and want to have a better idea if it could be the right idea.
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I use 80 mgs of prozac daily and it helps me immensely. I've gone from not being able to talk to people at work, to being able to express my opinion during meetings in front of a group. I'm not cured but it definitely took away a lot of my constant negative self talk, depression and made it so I'm not constantly scared to be in the presence of others.
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I am doing a research project about how social anxiety affects people's life. Could you please answer this poll?nnWhich situations you avoid due to your anxiety? nn(https://www.reddit.com/poll/vrtryw)
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yes
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im in uni right now. i suffer from severe social anxiety. i don't have any friends at all.nthe thing is i have plenty of time on my own, but i really don't know what to do. nso far i've just watched netflix, played video games in most of my free time.nit makes me more depressed, lonely and pathetic. nni wonder what you guys do in your freetime.
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I like going to a park (i live close to one) and stay there a while. Have a smoke and scroll at my phone sometimes.
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So today I started volunteering at an animal shelter. The reason I signed up was to see if doing something outside of my routine would help my anxiety in anyway. Getting to the point of actually volunteering at this place is a long process because they do back ground checks and such. Anyway I walk in today and sign in. And then… I'm just expected to get started. Get started doing what? I'm not sure because it's my first day. So I find someone and ask if they need help… they don't, but point me to someone that does. I help her for awhile… and then what? ‘go see if someone else needs help!'. I need someone to tell me to do things. ‘Go fold the towels. Go sort donations. Go feed the kittens.' Something! I felt so awkward and anxious that I only stayed for an hour. I'm going to give it a few more times before I give up, but I feel so stupid. I'm 25. I feel like if I was like 16, me being clueless and shy would be cute. Now it's weird and people don't want to help me. I think the worst part is, during the new volunteer tour I was told ‘we won't just throw you to the wolves', but I feel like that's exactly what happened…
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One thing I hate about getting old is that the older we get, people are less helpful and automatically assumes that you should know what you're doing by now..
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Basically, to not like trauma dump on you guys I'll be simple and say plainly: I've been through a lot in life. Just like many people and obviously that has left me with multiple different issues. I've been diagnosed with both depression and anxiety and, like most people, I go through flares of feeling extra horrid and when it get especially bad I'll go to doctors for advice on how to deal with it any every time it's the same explanation and listen I know doctors train for years and they know better but I generally feel like there's more and every time I try and bring it up they tell me it's my health based anxiety messing with me but I don't think it is. I've gone to many different doctors but none of them will listen to me, any advice on how to get them to listen so I can hopefully figure this out?
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Try to do things that make you happy. Enjoy your life. Be healthy. Enjoy small things. Therapy isn't the only way of healing
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As a 23 year old recent college graduate who has dealt with anxiety and depression his whole life, I'm having a really hard time finding a job or really anything to do after college, both because of the COVID-19 pandemic and because my anxiety and depression make it really hard for me to work the vast majority of jobs that are out there. I have all of these great ideas for things I want to do but my anxiety and depression just stop me from acting on any of them and as a result it's really tough to reach my potential.nnI'm curious how many other people feel this way. It really does seem like there are a lot of great talents and ideas that go to waste because of anxiety and depression. We live in a world that is completely toxic to anyone's mental well-being and creativity and as a result many great ideas go out the window because just about everyone uses up all their mental energy trying to hold it together. This definitely is an apt description of my story and I suspect it sums up many other people's stories on here as well.nnWhat are some of your great ideas that you have thought of that your anxiety and depression has prevented you from acting on? This is a place free from judgement where I will not hide behind the guise of
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Less of an idea and more of things I used to do- I draw a lot and would post my drawings to my Instagram. I stopped because I felt less than mediocre. I have a lot of inferiority (feelings) and superiority at the same time. I've always wanted to start a small business but anxiety tells me I can't do anything. So yeah, I have a lot of ideas but anxiety shuts them down and locks the door.
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We have to catch a train there too and I've barely been on them .. I'm scared of having a meltdown at the time . I really want to see this artist so I'm determined to go ,just a bit stressed about it all:(
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Mitski :)
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I just was in a classroom, full of strange new people, about 10. At the end of the lessons everyone started to talk to each other and it basically was very loud and no one seem to have the intention to leave. So at first I just stood there tried to listen to some of the conversations. After like 5-10 Minutes, still everyone was talking very loudly and I was asking myself how to exit without being awkward or rude. So the only thing that came to my mind, was slightly waving to the teacher so he would recognize that I was about to leave and has the chance to say goodbye which I then said too and left. Any better ideas?
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I sometimes just interrupt everyone by yelling,
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So I have a class presentation coming up in a few days and I honestly don't know what to do. When im presenting I have to try's mf struggle so hard to not have my legs and hands shake, and sometimes I can't prevent it. It is especially noticeable when im holding a paper while my hands are shaking. Does anyone have any advice? I really don't know what to do.
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Good for you! See?! Most of what we fear is bigger in our minds than what the thing feared turns out to be, but how smart and self-loving of you for ask for help. If you were my student, you would already have an A+!!
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Hi! I came here to ask for help. I have always been shy and anxious but never to this levels socially. nnI started uni with covid and in the past two years I attended in the actual real life classes kinda rarely (My family got covid more then once, full lockdown in italy, restriction and preventions mesures choosed by the uni,...). nBut now uni has chose to take down the possibility to atten clasess via zoom and I have to actually be there and there is so many people (like really a lot, so many that often some students have to sit on the floor because every sit is taken), I have no friend and I basically don't know anyone.nnI am kinda ok with being alone (I just have to attend classes and go home, it is not a big deal) but I cannot stop my brain from thinking stuff like
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Agree. All religions are actually based on love. but sadly sometimes chatolichs in a small italian town mean bigots and homophobia :/
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So, I've never opened up to anyone like this. Not my wife, my parents, friends - no one. I'm 28, and until recently I didn't realize I had SA. I would see people laughing and talking; just interacting in general with other people. I would think
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How did you find a wife while dealing with SA?
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I have a panic disorder, OCD, and depression and everytime I have a panic attack or my OCD is really bad, I just numb out. It feels like my brain just gets so overwhelmed by anxiety, its like it decides to pull the plug on my emotions. nnAfter I calm down, I'm left with this intense brain fog, feeling out of it, numb, and kinda confused. It takes a long time for me to feel like im back in reality again.nnIs this a normal side effect of having a panic attack and is there anyway to alleviate this?
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Chamomile tea is also good, affordable and no RX.nnA lot of what you are feeling is simply exhaustion. Your amygdala believes you barely escaped being eaten by a lion, or you jumped through a ring of fire like 50 times or however long the panic attack lasted. You were ATTACKED! BY YOUR OWN BIOCHEMISTRY, reacting to perceived danger, at a visceral level. nnRegardless of whatever the trigger was, or even if you are not aware of any trigger, your reality is that you felt like you were going to die. So after surviving that, yes, numbness, brain fog, exhaustion, all perfectly normal!
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Hello everyone I've been lurking for a little while. I'm a sufferer of anxiety in my 30s, most recently manifesting as social anxiety. It comes and goes in waves (sometimes including panic attacks in certain triggering situations). I feel a lot better and accepting of it now than maybe 6 months ago but it still slows my life down at work and outside of it. nnOne of the things that has helped me is putting myself in situations each day to be a sort of 'muscle' training and progressively ramping up the 'difficulty'. After a while though it's little difficult to 'find' situations especially as everyone's worlds are a little smaller/less going out. It's been especially useful when I know something bit is coming up - a talk that makes me nervous for example.nnWho would be up for a regular support group Zoom call?nnThe format I thought of was max 6 people per group, everyone committing to staying for 30 minutes, you say beforehand what you want the audience to do (just listen, ask questions or whatever) and you turn up and have 5 minutes practicing whatever you need to practice, then become an audience member and support the others. nnFor me I would find it super useful as a safe space with people in the same position and a way to continually 'train' when other opportunities are lacking.nnI'm happy to organise it and kick it off if people are interested and treat it like an experiment to see how useful it is.nnI'm in the UK and was thinking initially evening time UK but obviously open to anyone.nnI hope others might find this useful like I think it will be for me
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I'm down
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My chest didn't hurt at all, and I didn't have any anxiety symptom. I couldn't speak much and only did when someone asked me a question, but at least I spoke. I'm proud of myself and I registered for more volunteering opportunities.
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Nicely done my friend!! I found that volunteering is a great way to practice and simulate the pressures of a work environment, without the added stress of actually having a job (if that makes sense)
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Well maybe it's not that awesome but I joined a club for the first time in my college (I've been going there three years now). I don't have friends that go to that school and I really became comfy in my own seclusion and it grew to the point where I am always anxious to be around other people.nnToday I forced myself to go to a club meeting. I turned around 5 times to go home and felt like I was going to puke, but then each time I forced myself to turn around again. nnIt wasn't that bad. And I'm happy I went, everyone seems really nice too. Now I'm just going to have to keep trying to go each week and talk to other people.
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What kind of club? The thought of joining a club right now makes me nauseous
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I've done some light googling for any research relating to this phenomenon, but so far have found nothing.nnFive months ago, I moved to the East Coast (U.S.) after having grown up in California. Immediately upon my arrival, I pretty much felt like a normal person, and I have remained in that normal state for these past five months.nnI am only taking one medication (for depression) that I had been taking for one year prior to the move. The medication had drastically improved my depression but had had no effect on my social anxiety.nnI am 26 years old and have suddenly experienced such a dramatic shift in my psychology that it is making me tear up with joy.nnHas anyone ever seen research related to moving and social anxiety? I can find nothing and am so curious.n
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Yeah exactly what I was going to say but better
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So without going into great detail, there's this person I'd like to text. We text kinda on and off but I have great trouble initiating conversation in a way that seems natural. Send help.
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Ask how their day has been or how they're doing. Remember some activity they mentioned the last time you talked and ask them how it went or how it's going. Send them something funny you saw that you know they like and let it naturally lead you into conversation, etc.nnHonestly, I'm similar and can be hesitant to intiate conversation with people out of fear, but frankly we only live once. Message the people you want to message, go to the places you want to go, do the things you want to do. Our anxiety might be going crazy but it can't hurt us. All the best.
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Hello, I am a 33 year old virgin that has never even had a girlfriend. I have a hard time meeting new people, but have a very hard time talking to women especially. I feel like all women just hate me and that I can literally never say the right things to them. I absolutely hate the feeling. Any tips? I would really like to experience having a girlfriend at least once in my life. I would love some help.
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When you are looking for a partner the most important thing in to try and find someone who has similar interests to you. Say you like video games you could try and meet someone while playing online or in many cities have clubs centered around specific activities if you look. You might also try online dating sites where you can talk and get to know someone first before meeting them in person.
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This is going to sound pretty weird but basically, I walk really weirdly. It all started 4 years ago when I first started getting social anxiety, where a bunch of my classmates made fun of how I walked. That made me super self-concious about my walking and it's been causing problems ever since. nn nnAccording to people that have noticed, I walk super tense and as my mom put it
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I used to have this problem until i learned to distract myself by thinking about other, more complex stuff like math. Nobody comments on how I walk anymore, but I seem to forget where I'm going and get lost more often.
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2nd year college students here. Everyday I went to school, had two two hours classes(while at the same time had intense anxiety). Then I went home, feeling incredibly tired and drained and don't want to do anything except relaxing. But I still got homework to do. Then I have to repeat the cycle for another day. I just feel scare and hopeless rn. Does anyone in college have the same experience and how did you guys deal with such dilemmas?
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That's me rn, to make it worse I work on the weekends (retail so lots of customer service). Don't really have a solution honestly I'm drained and exhausted…
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Does anyone here feel that they are a confident extroverted person restrained by the shackles of social anxiety? nnI'm an outgoing person and I'm quite confident about my looks and the way I am, I've always got something to say and I'm interested in a lot of things, I'm actually quite interested in people in general (I love people watching haha). I spend a lot of time in the gym keeping fit and eating well, just sometimes I can get so anxious it prevents me from saying the things I want to say or do because I fear people will be able to tell I'm anxious about literally nothing. It's a totally irrational and a continuos vicious cycle of fear.nnIt comes in waves for me, I'll go through periods where I completely have it under control for months and I'm almost convinced I've cured myself. Right now it's been almost constant for the past month+ every where I go, work, gym, supermarket etc. Horrible shakes, jitters, tenseness you name it. By the end of a working day I'm mentally and emotionally drained.nnCan anybody relate?
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That'd be a nice thought. I haven't been close to being an extrovert in 6 years, though...
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Been wanting to ask for this girls number who I see on the bus every monday for past few weeks now. nnFinally got the courage to ask her after she got off the bus. nnI said
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In hind sight, I should have done this. But It was an in the moment thing for me, and I didn't really have much thought over what I was saying haha. But next time, I'll try to get to know her first, or atleast do what you said!!
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If you are like me and struggle with eye contact from time to time and are short sighted, try to not wear contact lenses or glasses. That way you only see kinda where their eyes are but it feels alot easier ;)nnUse your disabilities as advantages and have a great day
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oh buddy dont worry, you will learn it over time. At your age this is really nothing to worry about :)
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I typed a REALLY long post then realized my whole problem, long story short, is that i wont shut up so why dredge on. nnHow do any of y'all make decisions? I keep fucking up situations because i talk so much i inevitably end up alienating myself and others. I cant talk less it seems and ive tried for twenty years. Ive only managed all or nothing. My brain just seems to work differently, and i think so too objectively so its really frustrating being aware of your flaws but not as in control as you desperately want to be. nnA friend mentioned wanting to do a vow of silence themselves and reminded me that i want to move to the mountains while we were talking about recentering ourselves . I want to do both now. nnI cant tell what is over reacting and what might actually help me break habits or come to more peace with myself. nnIm over dramatic, but putting my shit in storage once my lease ends to spend a year in a place where i feel more at peace and connected to the universe seems nice. And a vow of silence wouldn't be hard either if i just limited myself to strictly necessary words only. Im really introverted. nnDo you think either of these might help or am i overreacting to an unfortunate series if events. nnSorry if this was too much
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Thank you, this is really helpful advice. <3
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Hi,nnHope everything is going very well with you. nnFirst of all let's start with a good news - I've fond a bulletproof sleep routine: 2 g of phenibut+2 mg of clonazepam+3 mg of melatonin. I sleep like a baby and wake up refreshed.nnNow to counter the daytime sleepiness I'm using 200 mg of modafinil in the morning. People are saying not to take coffee with it, but i find it helps. Modafinil definitely helps with the energy, but towards the end of the day I became kind of tired, get headache and become irritable. you got any suggestions for that?nnAnother important thing going on my life is that I have a very important interview next week. this is my dream job. I'm preparing for almost 1 year for this. technically i'm fully prepared, I've worked hard for this, but the problem is the excessive nervousness. Off course you know how nervous people like us can get in situations like this. This is actually my 2nd attempt in the interview, the 1st time interviewers realized that though I know the answers I was unable to explain them properly due to nervousness. So they agreed to give a second chance.ncan you please suggest something for this? Will pregnenolone help? What I basically want is to be like superman for 1 day or at least for that few hours(please forgive my phrasing).nnEagerly awaiting your reply,nSarif
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Do some mindful meditating beforehand. The thing I do before I have to perform is I find a nice big tree or other suitable meditation spot, sit up straight with my legs folded, and take deep belly breaths, feeling the air pass in and out of my nose. After 100 breaths or so, I feel a serene clarity fall over me. It puts me in the right headspace to do my best and not get psyched out. And if I start to get nervous, or if my mind wanders, I re-center myself by feeling the breath through my nostrils. 60% of the time, it works every time.
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I just had a job interview, when it comes to things like this I let myself go and try to act professional as possible. Some could say that they wouldn't suspect me to have social anxiety just a tad on the quiet side. But as soon as I got home I keep thinking of all the little things I messed up on. Also doing the job interview and completely letting myself go was incredibly exhausting. It seems like I can't do anything else productive today without beating myself up.
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the only way I know how to 'cope' is by drinking copious amounts of alcohol, and then i feel sick the entire next day. not worth it.nnnothing else works though.
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So I originally subscribed to this subreddit as a way to interact with others who had similar social anxiety disorders (as most people subscribe to subreddits do so because). While I still believe I suffer from certain elements of social anxiety, I really do think I have improved tremendously over this past year. The issue at hand isn't actually about my social anxieties, but about my boyfriend's father's anxieties.nnI have been dating this wonderful guy for about seven months now. He has his flaws, but who doesn't? His personal flaws are ones that I can overcome, but what I can't seem to overcome is an indirect flaw he possesses. You see, for the entire time we have been seeing each other, I haven't once been inside of his home. I've been outside of it many times, but not once gone in. He's twenty-six and is currently living at home with his father who is an agoraphobic hoarder. He's not diagnosed, but it's almost positive that this is the case. I'm not sure how bad the condition is, but I know that it's bad enough where he won't let friends, loved ones, or even a repairman in to fix their stove. In the beginning of our relationship, I was able to cope with this fact, because I understood that the issue at hand couldn't be changed, and that eventually I would be invited inside. I'm not sure at what point this fact changed for me, but somewhere along the line it did. While I completely understand that his father has a serious problem of which I don't blame either of them for, it becomes increasingly more and more difficult to remain patient. If I go to his house to meet him, I have to wait in my car, sometimes for quite a while. I'm not allowed inside even to use the bathroom. When I am in his front yard, I have this imaginary line that I've created that I won't cross. Et cetera. And there's also the fact of me actually wanting to get to know that side of him. The side that is completely shut off to me. And it also hurts to know that my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend was allowed inside of the house and still is. I understand that it was a different circumstance with her, because of the fact that they have a child together, but for someone with inadequacy issues like myself, it's easy to let rationality be replaced with emotions. nnI've met his father on several different occasions, and he apparently likes me quite a lot, and I him. I think he's a really kind and sweet man. I don't project any of my angers or frustrations onto him at all. I understand that this isn't his fault, but in all honesty, I'm beginning to lose patience and I don't know what to do. I've been told that very soon I will be invited in, but I'm so very skeptical of that. At this point, I almost can't fathom that he actually has a home that he lives in. I think that when and if I go inside, the universe will implode. I've addressed my feelings with my boyfriend on multiple occasions, but I can't figure out how to put my feelings into words without coming across like a huge jerk. I don't know how to handle how I feel about it. It hurts a lot, and I feel like I'm never going to be privy to that part of his life. nnI'm not really sure what form of help I'm expecting, but in any case, it feels good to vent to an unbiased audience. I have nobody to talk to about this. I know no one who has ever been in a situation like the one that I'm currently in.
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Yes, I completely and totally agree with you. I understand that it's what the situation is, and that I can make as many efforts as I like to invite them both out for lunch or dinner, but ultimately, it all boils down to when his father feels comfortable enough to allow me inside.nnAnd at this point in my life and in the relationship, I don't know if I'm ready to move in with him. I've just moved out of my house and in with one of my friends, and also, I recently got out of a three year relationship; the majority of which was spent living together after three months of dating. I kind of want to take time before making that step again, although I do see your point.
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I get anxious with being with my husband's side of the family than they think I hate them cuz I don't talk or sit in my car outside most of the time I wish they'd understand more but they don't happy Thanksgiving everyone
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I completely understand what you are going through. I am in the exact same situation. I wish they could understand it has nothing to do with them and I hope ot gets easier. :(
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I just want the vacuum. No questions asked.nnI don't want someone coming to my home for an unwanted demo.nnWhat do I do?
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Call them and tell them
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I used to be extraverted. I used to be able to talk to anyone, be they a celebrity or a homeless person, I treated everyone equally, with respect. I remember at a convention once. We had a party, security came and asked us to tone it down. I bribed them with a smile and a drink and did the same when the cheif of security came and we partied til dawn. nNow, I spend most of my days in my apartment, hardly talking to anyone anymore. Hardly invite friends over. nnI've give up on most communities, gaming, roleplay, conventions in general. nnAll because I'm afraid to open my mouth. I simply don't know what offends people any more. Just for not going along with the political narrative, wich I try to get away from by immersing myself in hobbies. nnIf I play doom I'm a male chauvinist who hates women.nLikewise If I point out that I didn't like Cpt Marvel, but loved Sigoney Weaver in Alien.nIf I like anime and Japaneese cuisine, it's cultural appropriation.nnIf I point out I'm bi, but don't attend pride, because of people wandering around in fetish gear infront of children I'm phobic. Or if I don't frantically cheer at Dezmond is amazing I'm a biggot. Likewize if I question people beeing attracted to minors or make up genders what have nothing to do with biology. I'm expected to simply know peoples made up genders, where ad before it was blatantly apparent. I refer to everyone as you, but still I get screamed at.nnMentioning that I've dated trans people does nothing to dissuade people.nIf I reject the advances of females with male genetalia I'm a phobe yet again. I'm not even allowed to have sexual preferances. Ironically the same freedom the lgbt community used to stand for. Instead it's forced on me.nnIf I don't like a certain movie because gay/lesbian characters are just used as tokens and portrayed as near comical tragic stereotypes without any background or character development I'm seen as as a biggot. nnIf I question the government selling off our country's natural recources to the point people are freezing to death because of high electricity prices, because we have to buy them back I'm called a nazi.nIf I want our country to govern itself I'm called a nazi.nnIf I mention the waves of rape, murder and robbery in major cities. I'm called a nazi and that I should respect their culture. The fact that an 8 year old girl was brutally gangraped to death is irrelevant. I'm a nazi for even mentioning it and told the girl was probably a rascist.nnWhen I try to talk to pople who engage in hobbies and try to keep politics out I'm doxed, banned and hated, hung out simply for not agreeing nor wanting to discuss politics withing a given hobby.nnI'm called a nazi, despite opposing any totaliterian idiology, despite laying down flowers on the graves of the brave soldiers who died stopping the actual nazis.nnI can't take this woke bullshit anymore.nnI'm the most hated thing on the planet. nI'm a white male.nnSo I ask you, is there any place left for me, or will you hate me just like rest?
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Tell me more about the conversation where you were accused of being pro-rape because you like Pepe le Pew. nnEdit: I mean, anything you can remember about the circumstances, the actual dialogue that happened, that sort of thing.
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Mmh I've recently started to think that I might have a mild to moderate social anxiety (I haven't been to a doctor or therapist to get a diagnosis yet) and am wondering what I should do now. I have been googling therapists near me but so far couldn't find any that have open spots available right now. I want to get help though. Maybe one of you has a tip what I can do in the mean time. Or do you think I should try it via my GP?
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Hi. I'd reccomend you learn about what social anxiety is and is not before seeking a therapist. It should only help you to educate yourself. I'd reccomend checking out certain youtubers that are professional psychologists like Todd Grande, Kati Morton, or Aziz Gazipura. Grande definitely has made videos were he compares different psych. conditions. nnnIn the meantime, here are some resources, books, youtube accts., etc. that have helped me w/ Social Anxiety.nnn1. CBT: I'd reccomend reading about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Kati Morton explains CBT: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=g7B3n9jobus. Read
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Hello everyone :)nn(I hope this is okay to post here)nnI'm an aspiring UX designer currently working on some projects for my portfolio. One of the ideas I'm working on is designing an app for people with social anxiety to help them step outside of their comfort zone and make friends. I was wondering if people on this sub would be interesting in filling in a survey (haven't created it yet) as part of my user research? It would be to help me gain better insight into different aspects of making friends those with social anxiety struggle with, both in person and online?nnIf you have any immediate thoughts or feelings as well, please share below :)
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This is a great idea! Are you thinking of solving a specific problem, or just designing a friendship/matchmaking app?nnIf you're tackling a problem for a specific problem, an business like www.acres.co has a decent angle. Ppl with social anxiety don't have to talk to pushy sales agent when finding a home. nnSend over the survey! Would love to check it out.
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Number one advice everyone gives to people with social anxiety is that everyone isn't secretly laughing at you behind your back, pointing out every mistake you made and shittalking you while also pretending to be nice to you.nnnnBut that's literally what I see people do every single day. Every single occasion they get, they will talk shit about someone behind their back.nnnEvery time I talk with my family they talk shit about family members that aren't currently present. nAt school people will constantly talk shit about others behind their backs. Friends, classmates, teachers, random people they just saw.nnnAnd when it comes to work then people are more than happy to gossip about weird customers they had to deal with. nnnSomething like 90% of all conversations I hear revolve around talking shit about someone who is not present. And the moment that person appears everyone starts acting all nice and friendly.nnnSo how exactly can I believe people aren't just pretending to be nice to me just to laugh at me later, when I see them do exactly that to everyone else.
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It's not about thinking that they don't talk shit, it's about being okay with it if they are.
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So the shower was suppose to be at 4pm and 30ish people were invited, and I told my coworker I was out of town and couldn't make it, which isnt true. And even tho I'm relieved that I don't have to endure a anxiety inducing situation. I now feel bad about myself for not going and just staying home. That's like the worst part about social anxiety, is that you just can't win, if you do go you have to feel anxious or stressed or sick. But then when you dont go you feel like you may have missed out or you just feel bored and lonely.
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If your coworker isn't a close friend I wouldn't feel too bad about not going. Although not to give you more anxiety but they might ask how your out of town trip was so maybe come up with something just in case.
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I'm just want to know that lately I have been feeling the need to hurt myself, I have done this before putting out lit cigarrets again my skin and stabbing my leg with needles. So, I quit smoking and I've been fighting against that need. However, since this year started (2022) all that thinks have been taking place more frequently on my mind.nnI feel like I deserve a shit. I don't have gf or anything like that, I live with my sister and a roommate I can not talk about this with any of them. My parents are 200 miles away and even though I talk to them regularly by phone there is no way I can talk with them about this. My sister hates me a bit cuz she thinks I'm not grateful to her.nnLast year I had covid I spent two weeks on the hospital, all the hospital related topics were discussed with me cuz my family were far away and due to enclosure they cannot visit me or take care of me. My sister went to take care but now she thinks I'm not grateful. I want to cry so bad, but can't cuz she is nearby.nnOne of my closest friends thought all this is my fault. And I feel she is getting away from me step by step.
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hmm that's a tough one. what are you trying to achieve though? or what do you want from yourself?
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Went exploring some mountains this week and it felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I know that's a bit sad:/
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Yes i feel that too.
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Ive posted here a few times but this one is kinda important.nnSo i have 2 brothers one has a life and a job while the other is only 15 and im 11 he likes to call me fat and names like fatty or stupid or idiot but he also hurts me beats me up kicks me cokes me put his weiner in my face moans yells and he just doesnt like me at all and i get more anxiety from him than anything else if anyone has advice to do tell me thanks for reading have a great day.
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Thank u but my mom has starting doing stuff about it and its really helping
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Most poor people are forced to be aggressive from a young age, plus they go out more cuz there's nothing to do at home.nnAnyone here had that kind of upbringing? cuz it seems sa has no place in that life.nnI know it's bratty but sometimes i envy that violent lower class childhood just for the strengths it builds.
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I see what you mean. It sounds like you're imagining/describing exposure therapy from birth. nnHowever, (not sure what the culture is like where you're from) but in the USA this would be a stereotype with no basis in fact and I would strongly re-examine your thinking. nnIn reality, Social Anxiety does not discriminate on basis of wealth.
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I been talking to people over online a bit more here recently. And my social anxiety is a little bad, but not to severe. My main problem is the initial starting to talk. My mouth struggles to wanna open. Like for example say i just joined a online game and i have my mic on the ready to talk, and i hear everyone else talking. And my mind and everything goes blank. And my mouth will not budge. But i have gained some semi courage to actually say something and i'll get warmed up to it a little and i can talk. But i still have these thoughts in my head, like
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Keep it up you can do it , call me up sometime
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I feel like my SA is really uncommon, but like I enjoy socialising and I'm actually really good at talking to ppl and not introverted at all. But when I actually do talk to ppl I am like confident out the outside as I talk so much and I actually enjoy to talk a lot, but I feel really anxious and on the inside still and like don't support or think anything I'm saying is very useful to the convo but keep talking anyway and it helps, I feel more awkward if I don't. nnAnyone else?
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Im exactly the same dude. Once I get into a conversation I'm really good at holding my own but it makes me so anxious anyway. Like it's so frustrating to be a people person but at the same time people make me so anxious ahh
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So I've been working at this store for about a year and a half at this point, and have slowly been getting more comfortable talking to the people I work with. However, now that I've been talking to my coworkers more, I've realized how often they talk about others behind their backs, and it makes me uncomfortable.nnLike, a few months ago, I overheard a couple of them talking about this kid who worked with us, how shy and awkward he was, and they were also cracking a couple of jokes about it. And for some reason it just stuck in my head for a while.nnMore recently, I've noticed them talking about this girl around my age who is relatively new and also pretty quiet. So I made an effort to talk to her a little to try and get to know her, and she seems pretty cool, just introverted. However, everyone else sees her as a judgemental bitch, and straight up say that they don't like her (which is totally unfair) just because she isn't loud and obnoxious like them and tends to keep to herself.nnHearing them talk about people like this makes me feel self conscious because I was/still am (to an extent) quiet and awkward around people, and sometimes keep to myself. So it makes me think of what they're saying about me behind my back.nnAlso, it's just a shitty thing to do. I would never shit on someone for something they do/did with no ill intent. So seeing others do it makes me feel sick.nnOver the past 1.5 years of working here, I have made a lot of progress in talking to people, building social skills, and becoming more comfortable being myself. However, seeing how my coworkers talk about others almost makes me wish I hadn't made this progress and had stayed quiet and anxious (partially because ignorance is bliss, but also because if this is how people talk about others on a regular basis, then I don't really want to talk to people)nnSorry for ranting, I just needed to get this off my chest.
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It sucks, I just tell myself if they're talking about other people, they have nothing else to talk about. If I'm around during their conversation, I'll defend (or at least try) whoever they're talking about. I know some people need to blow off steam to a coworker, but just plain ol' gossip isn't cool and it isn't even interesting. Let's talk about aliens.
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Living with social anxiety for me is like taking a walk with a 100lbs on your shoulder. I'm so tired.
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Sure, just try dming me so I can send you the invite; the system doesn't let me start any more new dms today apparently
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I'm trying to improve my social skills and my ability to cope with anxiety in social situations. I'm looking for people to voice chat with because the only way you get better at anything is practice. If you have similar goals or are just looking for someone to talk to message me. I'm a twenty five year old male from the US. I'm open to talking to anybody.
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I would like to because it would help me too but I'm too scared sorry
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I'm afraid of being judged because i like a girl from my school. I'm afraid because my friends seem to not like her since she isn't the best looking( she doesn't have the biggest body parts) and because of that i didn't talk to her because i'm afraid of what they will think of me and things they'll say to me. What can i do ? Sorry if i repeat myself but english isn't my main language
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Well idk why my friends judge her so easily since they aren't the best looking either. Honestly i'll try to overcome this shitty fear since it doesn't make sense why i would care so much about their opinion since i only know them for 2-3 months
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I'm visiting a friend I haven't seen in months at her college dorm. I'm staying the weekend and I still haven't left. I'm hella scared. How do I calm down? Being anxious makes everything worse. I clam up... you know the drill
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Deep breaths. If you feel overwhelmed during your visit just excuse yourself to the bathroom and take some me time.
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I've experienced social anxiety in the past, sometimes still to this day too (i'm 28 now), and i've talked to friends who have had it at length about it too, so i've been able to connect the dots and see trends emerge. nnPeople who judge other people negatively are the ones who get social anxiety, because subconsciously, they assume that others are thinking about them in the same way that they think about other people.nnThis can happen purely subconsciously. Especially if you've had SA for many years. It's all 'under the hood'.nnYou might be the nicest, most placid, well-intentioned person in the world. But everybody has a shadow side. People with social anxiety just haven't consciously confronted theirs yet. It's hidden from your conscious reality, because it hurts too much. So it spills out of the undercurrent.nnBy the way, it's totally fine to have a shadow side; a dark side. At the end of the day it's your actions that count, not your inner traits. As long as your actions are positive/constructive, you can have whatever side to you that you want. nnBut the key point here is to accept what's inside of you, the good and the bad. Acknowledge it. Ok, there it is. Fine. Now i know. Now you're connected to yourself. Now change can happen.nnIt probably sounds too simple. Like, why haven't you figured this out already? It's because your ego hasn't been/isn't willing to accept that there's a part of you that is inherently mean or judgemental. It's the other people who are judgemental, right? Not me.nnWell, confront this: how you see others is actually a reflection of how you see yourself. And conversely, how you think others think of you is actually a reflection of how you think of others.nnAnd here's the kicker.nnHow you think of others stems from how you think of yourself and the world around you. So if you think people are shit and the world sucks, well that's because that's what you have going on in your inside world. Consciousness is a mirror.nnSorry to be blunt, but i do so for absolute clarity. It's uncomfortable to think about, and that's okay. It's a constructive burn. Because you can't change anything until you first accept it.nnSo curing SA requires two main things (and everything else branches off from there). 1. Try to cultivate positive thoughts about people.
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> and I urge you to reconsider generalizing a very common disorder in such over-arching terms.nnThat's fair. Maybe my post applies more specifically to my own experience
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Throughout the pandemic I had a lot of time to think and went down a rabbit hole and can now write a book about every single shitty thing I've ever done or said to someone that I forgot about over the years and thoroughly regret. I'm wondering if perhaps I just went on with my life because it was necessary or because I was just cold hearted. I've been reading that social anxiety and narcissism have similarities regarding self image and I'm afraid that my coping mechanisms of avoidance and putting up emotional walls and avoiding intimacy peg me as a narcissist.
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Thank you...I guess lol.
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I just wish I could approach people and make friends easily. I wish I liked generally well liked things and had a bubbly personality that makes people want to be around me.
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I was very social when the parents decided who our friends were. The problem arose when it was up to me to maintain those friendships.
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Is there anyone else here without friends? I'm not talking about those people that have a few friends they hang with here and there or those in long distance friendships, I'm talking about people that have no one to call, no one to ask for advice (outside of family members), no one in your peer group to relate to. nnWhat is the feeling like?nnHow do you cope?nnDo you get lonely?nnHow do you handle it at all?nnFor some context, I am a 24/f with literally no friends. I left high school fairly early and I didn't go to college. When I got my first job (in office) at 19 I clicked with most of my coworkers but we just didn't get close outside of work. I got my next job at 20 (it was remote), and I've been working remotely ever since. I barely socialize because I literally have no friends. I do have family members who I'm super close with and I tend to tag along with them wherever they go. But I just can't seem to make friends. The older I get, the harder it becomes to put myself out there. When I meet new people, its very hard for me to talk because I just don't know what to say. I even fear going out in public alone because even if I hear laughter, I'll think people are laughing at me even though that might not be the case.
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I have absolutely zero friends. I talk to… four family members and my doctors.
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I really need your help.nnGuys, I really need your help. I think I just remembered I was abused as a child. Let me explain.nTwo weeks ago, I saw an Instagram post about a woman who had a traumatic amnesia and remembered recently she was a victim of incest. I felt concerned by this and thought about it a bit, then I forget it. 5 days ago, Idk how, but the same idea of traumatic amnesia and incest popped up in my mind and obsessed me. I cried all the day pretending I was just stressed about school. This day, I didn't had flashbacks or memories but there's a scene I can't let go off my mind. Thé problem is I don't know if it's a real memory or just imagination. I see myself, 6-8 y.o, half asleep in my grandma house, in the room upstairs, in the dark. Then I can see the door opens and the corridor lights enter in the room. I hear voices and laughter below, like it's a family dinner and my parents took me to bed because it was late. Somebody comes in my room, my uncle...He closes the door, get on the bed, just above me. Here, I have the
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I experienced same feelings like wishing i go invisible ,to not show my body ,to avoid PPL eyes mainly males ,whenever males around i just feel suffocated feel like run away but ik the reason y bcz i was abused in teenage and many of yr feelings like having intrusive thoughts ,urge to stab someone, i have experienced them And ik it feels so helpless but still i would like you to rethink abt it .cz there are things like fake trauma ,sometimes we might end up imagining fake things and believe them right ,i m not saying if u r wrong,you might be right .bt i m telling you to make sure and this phenomenon of making up fake scenarios is called something , i have read it in subtle art of not giving a fck ig ,i m not so sure ,i will let you know.but bro, i will advice you to be strong .you can heal it .you have power to heal it .see a therapist asap.
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Everyday I'm reminded of why I try not to leave my house. I went to get my latest COVID booster and as I'm standing at the counter asking about my insurance card, a lady at the counter snatched her purse away from me like I wanted to steal it. This is why I like staying in the house. Sorry about my run-on sentence.
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I understand and your feelings are valid. But I will tell you that staying inside and away from people is what actually makes your anxiety worse, even if it doesn't feel like it. Social isolation makes social anxiety worse. Unfortunately, the best way to get better is to get out there. Even if this means just leaving the house. You'll run into a-holes everywhere you go. It's not a you thing, its just a part of the human experience. Exposure feels horrible until things start to get better. It takes time.
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I SINCERELY apologize in advance if this post is too long for your liking. Sorry...nnnnI have been self-conscious about this for quite some time. Ever since elementary to be exact. I'm now in college.nnI can't help but feel that my voice makes me sound much more blunt, coarse, and dull than I actually feel. The best way I can think of to explain it is to think of your voice as a musical instrument. You wouldn't dare play an instrument out loud to an audience if you haven't practiced playing it first. Who would do that? You'd have a rough, unpolished, painful sound, blank stares from the audience, and all other lovely things. But with enough practice, you steadily become better and more accomplished. n nnMy problem is that I haven't had much practice to
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omg i feel the same way about my voice, except im also extremely hard to understand along with sounding deadpan
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Anything positive?
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More free time
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I know for sure I have social anxiety and the symptoms between SA and autism tend to overlap.nnI also have ADHD, and the symptoms of ADHD and autism sometimes overlap too.nnThis is why I wonder so much. Its really hard to know.
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I'm generally confused about everything since it feels like the brain isn't understood as much as it should be for mental illnesses to be named and treated like distinct conditions. Like is it this or that? Or is it this And that, or just the Other?
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Because that's the core issue with social anxiety right? The fear of in some way being criticized in social situations. Why do we accept nothing but perfection in ourselves when we clearly don't expect others to be perfect? It's just such a strange game your brain is playing. Sometimes I almost feel narcissistic because of how much I think others care about every little thing I say or do and how unintentionally focused I am on myself all the time. I need to rewire my brain somehow. I'm getting too old for this shit.
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Yeah, it really shouldn't be such a horrible feeling receiving the slightest bit of criticism yet it feels like a slap in the face everytime, for me at least. If anything it should be a positive thing to be criticised once in a while because it probably means you are standing up for yourself and dare to speak your opinion/dare to risk RECEIVING criticism. I do sometimes but if someone were to criticise whatever I say or do I instantly fall back into a fear of expressing myself. It feels like I'm being put back in my place again even though I know that isn't my place. Deep inside I know I'm worthy, but my brain just forgets it most of the time.
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It's total bullshit. nnI pay fucking attention to your class, take notes and do your shitty assignments. I can get A's on all of the quizzes, but because I don't reply to the same fucking questions in class with a laptop/textbook literally feeding me the answers in front of me I get penalized? Are you serious?nnBut I guess that's why I'm so furious. It's supposed to be easy points, but fuck, why does have to be so fucking hard? Why does me making it clear I am paying attention to the professor have to have so much worth a grade if I am learning the material and doing the work?nnEven the name is a farce.
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That comic is awesome! Thanks for sharing it!
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First of all I know that I am responsible of developing it but I want to talk about my experiences. when I was a kid I said something stupid to my cousins. My uncle was a judgy person who loves to start the flames. One time my father and him were having a conversation about “morality” and he confronted my father with the things I said (reffering that he is not as moral as he is pretending to be cause his kid is saying that) after couple of mins my father treated me like shit and shouted on me infront all of my cousins in the middle of the hall. I was 4 years old, I nearly remember nothing from this age but that incident. I felt so embrassed, he truly made feel that I am a bad person entirely. Also when I was in middle school I started studying on my own. My marks went down. During this time he used to manipulate my feelings to work harder in school. And he succeeded, but it never been worse on my anxiety. Now I get panic attacks every exam night, and maybe in the exam itself if it was hard.nI am a guy and guys in the class aren't educated enough to understand that it is not crying out of emotions and being a nerd. It is crying out of anxiety. We were also raised to think about the thing we want to say several times.nThey are good parents. And I love them nobody have no negatives. my mother believes in mental health thankfully.nMy father doesn't. He never stops his manipulative attitude toward us, it runs through his family I don't think he can control it.he still a good father.
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Oh, my dads were abusive, yes
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My friends always tell me how hilarious , and fun I am to be around when I'm drunk , I know it's because I'm spontaneous and let go of the self consciousness, but when I'm sober the anxious thoughts tend to be the only thing I can focus on so I can really express myself without having to filter every little thing coming out of my mouth.nnnEdit: I appreciate all the advice in the comments guys, I forgot to mention as I know this isn't a sustainable way of interacting with others, I've decided I'm going to get back into therapy and work on the particular thoughts that give me anxiety in the first place. All the alcohol did was show me that my social skills aren't as bad as I imagined them to be ,they actually aren't bad at all, but it is in fact the anxiety that keeps me from truly expressing that part of me . The best way to go about it from here is to try and be that version of myself, but without any mind numbing substances
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I feel this 100%. And I definitely agree with other people in this thread who have warned about it becoming a crutch. That said, I also kind of like to think of it this way: if I keep working on my exposures and fighting the SA, then someday I'll get to be that person all the time. If I become charming and fun when my inhibitions are lowered with alcohol, it stands to reason that I could be exactly as charming and fun if I can just lower my inhibitions in a healthier way. It's kind of a light at the end of the tunnel for me
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I've dealt with anxiety and depression since I was 18. Recently, I've been getting irritable, snippy, and anxious after exercise. This could be walking or biking. nnI'm taking 10 mgs of escitalopram and I live in Chicago. I do not know if it is weather, the exercise, or the meds. nnAny advice?
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Absolutely. Nothing about working out in principle upsets me. I used to enjoy it. But lately I've walked back through the front door after going around the neighborhood and I feel like I could bite someone's head off. Like I'm wound up or something!
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Can we start a support group for those of us with social anxiety and are also looking for a job right now?nnThe job search is tough enough with just SA but we have to deal with a global pandemic + recession at the same time. It's tough these days. nnPersonally, I've been putting off applying to jobs because I'm just so demotivated and scared of actually doing a video interview and going through the whole recruitment process. I feel so much pressure to u201cnetworku201d and u201cmarket myselfu201d it's crippling. Not to mention I'm a business major and social skills are a must in business corporate environments. nnI could really benefit from a support group of people in the same boat. We could all support each other through these ~unprecedented times~ and cheer each other on. We understand each other the best! nnIf there are enough people interested I could start a discord chat or maybe just a chat group on reddit?
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I am interested.
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Thank you so much for the support you guys were tremendously helpful, I will attempt to get therapy and continue to hit the gym like many of you recommended. Thank you means so much.
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Nice, if you're smart enough to do CS, you're smart enough to do anything my friend. And it sounds like you have it pretty made financial. Keep being responsible with your money and work on those confidence concerns and you should be just fine. nnWow. Cant believe people are ganging up on you in college. How does that happen if you dont mind me asking?
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(https://www.reddit.com/r/askwomenadvice/comments/skwqkk/how_to_stop_being_the_other_friend_who_doesnt_get/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)nnI'm the friend that usually doesn't get invited out places, doesn't hear from people unless I see them face to face, and just is kinda
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You're all tied up with them but they don't think much of you, it's not good man. Just concentrate on your partner and your family
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that's it. im sad. looks like I'll spend my year alone...
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you sound like me the first day of college
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I always had a hard time working because I'd get panic attacks when I left the house. I recently got a job and I am finding myself becoming so anxious that I get sick. I havent gone to work in a week now because it. I get overwhelmed easily and I have panic attacks at least once per day at work. I am feeling kind of helpless at this point. I try to face it but I fail. Social anxiety just feels so powerful and hard to overcome. It's so much easier to just stay in bed and not have to face this monster everyday..
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I have to drug myself with anxiety medice before I go in....in helps but then I feel like a loser.
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How do you cope with this situation? Or get your job done? nnAny advice for others if you have some method?
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First of all. Its ok to have these feelings. Realize that youre on your path and youll get there. Right now it is the way it is.nn&#x200B;nnSecond assume that a lot of people are there to help and dont want to see you in a bad light, they want to help younn&#x200B;nnYes some people might judge other people and feel superiornn&#x200B;nnBut in the end you have the power to improve yourself.nn&#x200B;nnTake a deep breath
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Just wondering
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I would also say more trustworthy but maybe I'm biased
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I know how to socialize and I can usually do well in social situations. But some days i have insane social anxiety and others it's completely gone. Its like im a different person. If you let me on a day it was off you never would guess i have SAD, but on the days that it is there it's completely out of control, i sweat, my cheeks shake and i dont know what to do with my hands. I hate it
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I've noticed that my social anxiety flies through the roof if I'm already anxious about something unrelated to socializing. Something that I can usually do without feeling much fear will suddenly be the worst thing ever if I also happen to, for example, have a bunch of work I need to get done. Like crying at the thought of making a phone call I've made several times.
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Soo I have thought about joining a gym since a long time now probably 2 3 years almost. But every time I think about it I suddenly feel anxious about joining one and thus I just postpone it but Its been the same since 2 3 years and idk I just have zero idea about workouts, diets, etc and am also not that great to make a friend and idk rn i feel like my unhealthiest self and I kinda want to join a gym but i am just to nervous about it.
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If you have the possibility, go to the gym when there aren't so many people there. I used to go to a small gym around 10-11 in the morning and sometimes I had it to myself
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I was always a pretty shy kid, but in elementary school all the way up to middle school i always had a group of a few friends. Just before my 9th grade year, my family moved to a different state. From that point, I just didn't interact with anyone during school. I was too used to the people at my old school, and I couldn't adapt. Every day I would do the same thing: go to school, try my best to not talk to anyone, and then go home and play video games/watch tv. I never once went to a school sporting event, I never joined any clubs or went to any dances, I never did anything. nnAnd now, as a sophomore in college, I'm so socially retarded I can't go out of my room to get dinner or use the bathroom. I have to look through the little peephole thing on my door to make sure nobody is in the hall before I leave my room to do anything and I don't leave my room anyway, besides to go to class, which is hell in itself. It feels like people are constantly judging me, looking at me or making fun of me whenever I'm out in public. I've started skipping classes again, even though I'm already on academic probation because I wouldn't go to classes last semester either. I just try to completely avoid people now. I take a shower only in the very early morning/late night, to avoid people seeing me. I'm pretty sure nobody in the hall knows my name. I haven't made a single friend in like, 7 years. I've completely lost the ability to talk to people since it's a skill I never use anymore. It feels like I'm never going to be able to have friends, and a relationship is the most impossible thing in the world. I now go days without saying a word to anyone. I really wish I would have tried to be social earlier in my life, but now it feels like it's too late. Therapy or some shit would take months, if not years, to reverse the lack of social life I have. I honestly have no idea what to do. I literally can't talk to people, beyond saying things like
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You should go to therapy. Once you're able to make even very small improvements, you won't feel as hopeless.
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What you guys do? I feel x1000 more anxious.
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Saying okay is fine? As someone who cannot defend myself or argue I always use u201cokayu201d. But people ask me u201cwhy do you always say okay say somethingu201d and I'm there all blank, wanting to run :( sometimes I feel like I gave them the impression of a fool.
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You know, when you walk down the sidewalk and there is someone else walking in your direction the opposite way? Every single time i tend to overthink about the way i walk, the way i look, and the amount of eye contact i make with the person that's getting closer and closer, and i don't know why.nnHas anyone else had this? How did you get past it?
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Totally. Sometimes I try so hard not to look at who's coming my way that it might be a friend, and I won't say hi!
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So I'm 17 and in high school, I've had this crush for a great while now, so far I've made little to no progress in talking to her here are some things that I've done: nnFirst interaction: I made myself approach her and when I went to do so I just blanked and said
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I wish I could come up with shit like that when
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I was scrolling through Facebook tonight, a night like any night. And I came across a post that read:nnS/O to suicidal people who stay alive strictly for the sake of others. I see you. You are important. You are loved. Thank you for being here despite your own feelings. I hope one day you want to be here just as much as everyone else wants you here. nnThat hit me, hard. I can't tell you how many nights I've spent locked in my bathroom with a knife contemplating what life would be like without me here. Then I think about my son, and my wife. We just found out she's pregnant with twins now. Sometimes the feeling comes back every so often but more often then not I think, if I did what I wanted to do, all those times locked away. My twins wouldn't be on there way.
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Stay strong! u2764u2764u2764
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A lot of my anxiety stems from wanting to be wanted. But school and always being an outsider makes me not feel wanted/needed. My parents say i u201crecluse like a spideru201d (ironically I'm terrified of spiders). I don't post on social media or text very often. Like maybe twice a month, exchanging 2/3 words in a group then leaving. Quarantine hasn't made a thing in my life change except going to school unlike everyone else. Back to the point- I really want to talk to people but I can't bring myself to do it. I only talk to my brother(11) and parents who are gen x and conservative af. I never feel wanted but I know I am. I hate explaining myself so I say nothing to avoid conflict. Any time I do explain myself I'm meet with parents being defensive and being told IM the defensive one. I just wish I could get out of my head and be u201cnormalu201d even though mental illness is practically passed down from parents. I've never had it easy like my parents think. Not having childhood friends and only my now adult cousins who I didn't even grow up with.even the people I'm somewhat close to don't understand .Idk this is more of a rant. The whole reason I'm making this is so I can justify(lack of a better word) not telling my friends how much of a pain my hair is. I know people won't care because if I heard someone else saying the same thing I wouldn't care either.
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I don't miss it either! Everyone thinks I'm nuts, I just have bad anxiety. Online has its own problems at my house cause of my mom. Being a tattoo artist is one job I'd love to do, I go to school for teaching (tech school). I've always enjoyed drawing. I'd sit outside during outside time w/ a clipboard and paper, they emailed my parents something they don't wanna tell me but I've taken a lot of pride in art.
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When I get a little social anxiety I start to sweat, then I think about how I look sweaty and then I get more anxious and sweat even more. I might be able to have a chance to clear my mind if I didn't have this physical reaction every time and the symptoms were all internal because then I could at least fake it til I make it but the sweating is just too much. It's the worst part for me.
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r/hyperhidrosis
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How do you manage it? Making eye contact and talking to new people make me really nervous.
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It's hard too, and it usually results in co-workers pointing it out. I see patients at my work and I'd honestly prefer the company of them. I'm going back to work in 1 month after a 1 year maternity leave and I am honestly freaking out and having panic attacks. I will start going in with the attitude that if they don't like it, they can bite me. Easier said than done of course.... before mat leave I was managing by avoiding certain situations, but that made it worse. I guess I haven't really helped you a lot. lol. Sorry... if I figure it out, I will share..
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How have you dealt or have been dealing with oral presentations during school? People always tell me to take deep breaths and pretend people are in their underwear, but none of those suggestions seem to help in the slightest.
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this made all my presentations seamless, but the downside is that i dont know how to cope with the presentation anxiety without it
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Now I'm going to have to make up excuses all summer on why I can't
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XDnnNo really. Stress is harmful or beneficial to us based on our perception. If you believe it's good for you then it is. Use this to work on yourself.
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It only started happening recently and usually happens to me if I'm doing some sort of public speaking, but my eyes tear up when I get nervous in social situations. I think it's just my eyes getting irritated or something because I never get sniffly or whatever other symptoms you would get when you usually cry. Does anybody else get this and how can I make it stop?
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yes! this happens to me. i also have a friend who cries every time she speaks in front of a group, like you. we both don't know how to stop it honestly. but at least you're not alone :)
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I was talking to my mom on the phone. From time to time she rings me whilst drunk and decides to passively-aggressively blame me for all of the bad things that happened to her in her life and it is not helping me out. I'm usually just going on standby, allowing her to rant and cuss me out, but when she touched this subject and went:
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I've known a number of people who have read it. They all said it changed their lives. Be prepared to cry, though. But force yourself through it. It will be worth it.
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I accidentally dropped a carton of yoghurt and it splattered everywhere near the self checkout area. It wasn't a crazy amount of mess but there was a decent amount of yoghurt on the floor. It was so embarrassing. I told this to one of the employees and apologised and said I would still pay for it. She said it was okay and she put a cone down and started to clean it. nnI feel so bad about it. I wanted to go apologise again and say I could help clean it but my anxiety stopped me so I just purchased my groceries and left without looking back because I felt embarrassed and I didn't know what to do or say other than apologise.nnThis is just a rant
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I'm sure it's a regular occurrence. People accidentally dropping stuff etc.
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Do you ?
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Definitely. I appear as stuck up because I a have major social anxiety due to my fear of rejection, so I always isolate myself in a room of people. I never approach people so it makes me look like I'm looking down on other people. Ive been told “I can't tell if you're just shy or if you hate everyone.” I thought of it as rude but honestly I just laugh about it now because she was/is right about the shy part. Lol.
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So I spent New Year's eve with this girl I like and before I left I gave her a hug and went for a kiss. Now this was just a small kiss on the lips but for me this is HUGE. It's also my first kiss. For you guys who don't think there is hope, there is... just be patient. Shit I'm 18 in my first year of college and this was my first kiss. I know for this girl this kiss probably wasn't anything but for me it was a huge step in tackling my social anxiety. Stay strong my fellow social anxiety sufferers.
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Congrats! That's a huge step!nnJust a tip for others with anxiety who may be nervous about even going in for the first kiss. Use your hand and move like you're pushing her hair behind her ear (or to lightly caress her cheek). If she lets you, you're usually good to go for the kiss. If she pulls away, hit the brakes.
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Hi, 21F here, I suffer from extreme blushing and I don't mean the “cute anime girl” type of blushing, I mean literally turning red and looking like I can't breath. This happens with anyone that makes eye contact with me or talks to me, doesn't matter if I find the person attractive or not, this even happens with family members that used to be close to me or random people that walk past me and don't even notice me. The worst thing is that none of my therapists have taken this seriously ever, some didn't even understand what I was talking about or just looked at me like I was a crazy idiot. I've tried beta blockers and meds, full coverage makeup but nothing has helped, this sounds very silly but it actually affects my daily life a lot and plays a big part in my suicidal thoughts lol It's also one of the reasons I started drinking alcohol, it's easier to play it off and pretend it's just the alcohol making me blush. Any comments appreciated (: Thanks
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I turn red really easily too, just in normal conversation with someone I don't know or aren't close with. I've been laughed at by strangers and coworkers for it which made it even worse. I honestly don't know the solution but I just wanted to comment to show you that you aren't alone in this
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I'm starting a new job that requires three days in the office, after having worked from home for a blissful two years. I've gained a ton of weight and have always been very socially awkward, so I'm dreading it. Does anyone have any advice or insight for surviving my new situation?
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Thanks!
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So I'm basically friendless, minus a couple of people that I rarely talk to/see outside of school. I thought it might be easier to do that online since it cuts out the whole face to face interaction thing, but it turns out I have nothing to say. Every time I initiate a conversation, it pretty much automatically crumbles because I don't have anything interesting to add. I just feel very detached from everyone and everything, nothing really interests me, and I just want to feel like someone actually wants me around l, you know? I guess I'm asking for advice, but I don't even know what on
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I feel you, I know I'm not the most interesting person during typical conversations. However, I do know I have some interests, narrow as they may be, and I leverage them as much as I can with the appropriate people. I know you have interests too, you may just not be aware of them or willing to say that is your interest. Also it might be depression, so you may want to look into that. Easiest way is to figure out your interests then find people like that, it will be so much easier to keep a conversation. nnAnd on the detached thing...You have a purpose that you define. You do you, doing whatever it is you find fun or makes you feel good. You have a place in the grand scheme of things, don't let yourself fall into detachment. Figure out what it is you like doing and OWN it. Your personality will shine and you fill find people easier to talk to.
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Even thinking of going places where there are going to be people makes me cry. I feel like such a loser. Anyone got any tips or anything that could help?
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Of course I want to become a more outgoing and social person. I do my best and try, I even went on a job audition at a theme park (an got the job, wohoo!), but it's still scary. I'm not the type of person who just sits at home doing nothing about my problems, but when I try do be social I always fail and end up crying in my room for being so stupid.nMy biggest fear is people judging me and thinking that I'm fat and ugly. My self-esteem is very low and it only gets worse every single day and that affects my social anxiety a lot.
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Was just thinking there that I always seem to wait to be told what to do at work. For example, there are times when i know im going to sit with my manager to go through something - i wait to be called. My manager has to ask me for updates on things - i don't initiate communication and give updates as part of regular communication. I generally dont speak until spoken to.
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My former employer wrote u201cdoesn't speak unless spoken tou201d on my final internship evaluation... And that's a problem when you're in the healthcare field...nnThis simple comment gave me so much anxiety that I never want to see my 3 old co-workers again even though I really liked them. The brain is a crazy organ
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Hanging out with friends later today so I'm going to spend the hours leading up to it doing absolutely nothing productive.nnProbably a lot of pacing, a lot of tiktok, a lot of time spent figuring out when I should really start getting ready.nnAnyone relate?
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Tysvm :)
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I have somewhat extreme problems with escapism. When I get stressed I often find myself taking a break from reality. To the point where I can have issues with forgetting where I am, who I am, or what's happening, or if life is even real. nnI space out consistently, distract myself with my phone, or books, or video games. Anything to escape the stress. Dissociation has starting becoming a huge problem, I could be in the middle of a conversation and suddenly feel myself u201cfloating awayu201d as I call it. I've been trying to focus on simple tasks or keep myself somewhat busy when I start spacing out so I can stay somewhat present. I can't really tell if it's helping or making things worse. nnAny advice?
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Home has never been a great place. I moved about 2 years ago and developed really bad depression. I started carrying books around and only ever stopped reading if I had to eat or sleep. (Both of which I didn't do much, because I would rather read.)nnOne day, I forgot who I was. And took the identity of the main character in the books because that was all that felt familiar. nnAnother one was recently, there's a lot of stress and things I have to do. So I started spacing out while outside. When I u201ccame backu201d I had forgotten what I was doing and where I was. Sat down for a bit before realizing I was outside and supposed to be keeping an eye on the dogs. (Both of which my brother had let inside without me noticing. So there was some panic because I couldn't see them anymore and I thought they ran off.)
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It was a room practically full of extroverts and I feel so socially drained now. I really envy people who can start and hold conversations. nnI feel like I just make everyone uncomfortable because I am so painfully shy. I wish I had more confidence
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I'm am a communication and people strategy lead, go figure. I have to plan events that I would never ever attend on my own time. Event next week told my boss I will attend but since covid I am not comfy being close to folks like that anymore. This is not pre 2020 as many would like
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