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So this past year I was in 8th grade having such a great life with all my friends which are so nice and supportive but the problem is they were a grade below me and I barely got to see them (not to mention my crush is in 7th grade too.) Well I'm moving up to high school as a freshman and I'm really nervous because I get beat up almost every year and I feel like that's gonna get worse in high school. Every day I come home from school saying that my day was good just to go into my room and cry for an hour. I feel like no one really loves me and I feel like it's gonna get worse in high school. nnHere's what I tried to do:nnEvery day I came home and tried to find ideas and facts to convince the principal to let me stay back a grade with all of my friends and here are the facts I wrote: nnTrue friends are continually pointing out truth, encouraging us, and striving for more of God. I don't think anyone in my grade right now has led me in the way of God. I feel like the more I hang out with the 7th graders the more I feel closer to God. God created friendship as a support system that helps us make and keep Christ as our first priority, protect and encourage us when Satan or others tell us we are worthless, and help us up when we fall. These types of relationships are meant to help us survive a world that is full of tragedy and pain. These friends are there to fight for usu2026in person, on the phone, and through prayer, and when God doesn't make sense. Even in good times, we need friends to celebrate with, make life decisions with, and simply have fun with. I shouldn't let another season of life go by before I start to take serious the need to surround myself with people that help me live life to the fullest.nnI think I had enough facts to tell to my principal and hopefully she would actually consider it and let me be held back a grade, but then... Corona happened and I couldn't contact her really and now I'm gonna be stuck with the jerks in my grade. Can someone please give me advice about how I could actually have a good time in high school without friends
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Hi, Iu00b4m 29 and I u00b4ve lived something like your situation, and just I could say to you that the problem was that I didnu00b4t accept myself. I mean, for some reason, Iu00b4d needed the aprove of the rest of the people in my social environment. And I could quit the mental bloq chatting with people. I recom you (https://litmeetgirls.com) to start. Try... you don't lose anything by trying. Or tell me whateever you need here.
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I keep thinking about the friends from highschool and from the military on the daily basis nnThoughts like
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That's the plan nnBut about ability , well, idk nIt was always when I was in a social environment where I was forced to be together with those people in the beginning , and then had the option to just physically join in on their interactions , it was very convenient nnI come to realize that I don't know how to maintain friendships on my own , and that's also the reason why they fell apart when I got out of those social environments , nGive you an example, in the military , the friends were always hanging each evening at a certain office after working hours in the base , so I just went there and socialized because I knew they'd be there ..nnI just don't know how to maintain these friendships nI gotta learn how to initiate more interactions once the friendship is formed I guess
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This is a bit of an odd one.. For the longest time I've been okay staying home on my days off.. I don't do anything, I would sit on the couch all day, browse the web, have Netflix running in the background etc. Well one day I meet a woman (only had lunch a couple of times) and realize how sociable and how much of a life she has. Even if she has nobody to go somewhere with, she'll just go by herself. I decided to stop taking to her, she's not my type. nnAnyway, I don't know what happened to me but something clicked. Ever since then I've found it very difficult to stay at home but because of my anxiety, it's difficult to leave the house. Just now I think I'm going to go out for a drive because I feel panicky just staying home doing nothing.
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I've just moved somewhere new with my boyfriend. When he is at work I literally have no one to hang out with, so I've been going out by myself. I find that I've really enjoyed going to movies alone because it's dark and it's less obvious that you're out by yourself. I've also had to force myself to go out for meals alone, to go read at a park alone, etc. All of these things were really scary the first time, but they've been getting easier. I'd still rather be at home in my room though, haha.
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Is nothing new to me. I'm perfectly healthy, I just choose not to deal with others. Most ppl have bad vibes. I stay away from them. I don't get too close to them bc I guess I expect a negative reaction from them.
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I can relate.
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I went to therapy for like a few months back in 2019 but that didn't help me at all . Im 19 now overcoming social anxiety on my own.
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I need y'all to comment and give me tips I need them
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So when I wake up in the morning and I have something social to do (i.e. work) I have to calm my brain down and get rid of the anxiety by either listening to music, read a life quote (buddhist, spiritual, simple quotes about the simplicity of life etc) or watch something for me to remember how to interact and be normal. If this makes any sense? Does anyone else have to do such a thing?nnIf I don't do this I just act all fumbly and in my own world in a bad way.
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Oh I don't mind that. It's the
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I work from home and we have meetings sometimes. I've only been working a month and everyone seems to have clicked with each other. I tried several times to talk about something casual like they do but I get ignored. Meanwhile someone else can say something similar and be responded to by several people. We have voice chat and text chat I've tried both. nnSo this seems to be a frequent occurrence for me, the last job I had I was not liked at all. I don't know if this matters but I am a woman, the other job I had was very cliquey other chicks would roll their eyes at me toss my things to the ground to make space for their stuff etc. nnI think there's something about me that just unsettles people and makes them uncomfortable I'm trying to figure out what the heck I'm doing wrong
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Wtf. Your experience with your last job boggles my mind. Did you report that to management? I HATE people that make other employees feel like shit. All that behavior does is hurt the company so Idk how shitty workers get away with those behaviors! I'm sorry you're ignored, maybe they all knew each other before going online from home, so maybe they just already had bonds. Not that that's an excuse. I'm really sorry you have to deal with that though!nnnnnnI got ignored. Even my boss ignored me and gave me the silent treatment if other workers were there. I ended up quitting. One thing worse than dealing with negative coworkers is also dealing with a negative boss. After years and years I finally convinced myself that I didn't deserve that treatment. I hope things get better for you, but don't put shitty people above you.
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So a few days ago, I worked up the courage to ask a waitress for her name. Today, I went back there for a spot of lunch, only to be turned away at the door. Apparently, I made her uncomfortable, she no longer feels safe around me, and I am now banned from the restaurant.nnYep… I think my compliments mission is over for now, and maybe for good.nnThis is what I get for shooting my shot…
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OMG, that's horrible! Maybe she has social anxiety as well nnDont let that define your future behavior. That is something weird!
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Like I said in another post,college drains me a lot,and after staying almost a month at home for vacations everything starts back tomorrow,and I'm feeling shitty.nnIt seems one of the teachers is a asshole,and another asshole teacher I had is back. When I get angry,specially with arrogant people,I turn loud and rude,it's like for as long as I'm angry I could care less if people are listening to me bitch about something,so I'm scared of making a fool of myself,or have a meltdown.nnAnd of course I'm nervous about getting the extra hours I'll need to have by the end of my course to graduate,so I'll have to start interning and going to events,and I'm definitely not mentally prepared for all of that,and the idea of having to stay a extra year just to get all the necessary extra hours makes me so anxious.
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A little story from my personal experience, I finished a 4 year degree in 3 years and i worked really hard to do so. My gpa suffered but i figured that if I had the extra year it would make up for it. nnI was wrong and it ended up hurting me in the end. Not a high enough gpa for grad school and not enough experience for anything else. School barred me from taking more classes because I chose to graduate early.nI hated the idea of all the people I thought slacked off in school getting ahead of me so I went through long periods of depression. Did not get any real support from busy friends and hostile family conversations. I felt really overwhelmed lost about everything.nnEventually I grew out of it by picking off a little piece at a time. Ex. doing research about what I want to do in the future for like 5 minutes here and there. nTo control my depression and anger I took up jiu jitsu and yoga to channel energy into something else when I felt overwhelmed.nnMy honest suggestion is to pick something and just start. Doesn't matter where you start or how small it is. Use that starting task to build momentum and carry through.nnGood luck with everything.
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I have to present tomorrow and I actually am not too worried about it. I've come to realize no one actually is judging you unless you give them a reason like if your voice is shaking or something. There too worried about themselves and there own presentation. If your confident they won't even give you a second thought, they will only stare at you blankly like they're pretending to pay attention.
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On top of that you don't have to be scared the whole class because you get it over with.
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I've done therapy for 3 years or so, I've tried a bunch of different SSRIs, but I feel like nothing helps. Exposure also just doesn't seem to work very well as I still try my best to not talk to people. Idk what else I can do at this point.. I feel like maybe I'll just be like this forever and die alone.
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Do yourself a favor. Go to bookstores. Look at people. Everyone. Make eye contact. Smile. nnYou don't have to talk, but doing what I've suggested will help remind you that you're not some weird outsider... you're just a human being with a mental health issue. And you deserve to be able to go shopping or take a walk without feeling like you're about to have something terrible happen to you.nnAnd if anyone gives you a weird or dirty look, forget them. You are a human being. You are also allowed to enjoy society just like everyone else. Fck the haters.
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Anyone here ever have to deal with multiple traumas over a period of time and then, can't seem to get the intrusive, sad, disturbing thoughts out of your mind no matter how hard you try?.nnI mean, like if you had a relative, friend or pet with cancer and they pass away and now you have this constant loop/thought-train going through your mind every hour of every day and it just casts a dark and gloomy cloud over your whole mood.nnYou constantly find yourself re-living your grandmother's battle with cancer...the pain she went through...crying...struggling...etc. Then, the hospital stay and hospice care. You remember her lasts words, you feel deep guilt and sadness over not being able to visit her, you wonder if things could have turned out differently or get angry because maybe the medical staff didn't give her the care she deserved or needed.nnThen, you look over and see her cane or walker still standing in the corner.nnJust an example for illustration purposes but it could be a good friend, a beloved pet or whatever. Anyone else here been through the constant over-thinking, analyzing, second-guessing, intrusive/repetative thoughts, etc?. Thanks for reading!.
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What medication helped you?
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I wanna do this because my parents don't accept her (which I haven't told her yet), We are just too busy and don't have time for each other.
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Well then you have to do it. Just be quick and to the point. If she understands the culture you're part of just say something like I'm sorry I've lead you on, but my family and I have decided that we will not be a good match and I need to move on to someone more suitable. I wish you all the best and hope you will find someone worthy in the future.
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Getting breathtaking vibes while thinking or imagening that what if I would live somewhere else and how my life would be different and I would have other friends and everything would be different at all. Especially such thoughts go to my head while watching a film or listening to music. It is really hard to explain or express such thing. Sometimes it is exhausting and I wanna stop thinking in that way. Is that only me?
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I have the exact same thoughts and it's really painful and difficult to deal with.nnThe spiritual answer is obvious: We are right where we are supposed to be. These are the lessons we need to learn and the stuff we need to get through in order to grow and become who we are meant to become. But fuuuuuck .... it's tough to actually realize it on an emotional level.
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One of my current problems is my history isnt all sunshine and rainbows, depression and anxiety and a bunch of other problems being the state of the world isnt a breathing ground for sucessful extrovert with alot they can say, i cannot answer some questions like what are you doing/have done with your life. Makes me fear interviews and meeting people. No matter what I try to do, these questions follow me around and haunt me.
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Totally with you. You self medicating?
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What is this exactly? I heard it's a drug that makes you feel more confident.
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Cigarettes are legal, yet they're bad for you. Does that mean you should smoke them?
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Like any supplements, foods, teas etc that actually do a good job of really calming your social anxiety and making you more “normal”? I can't take this social anxiety anymore it's ruining every single part of my life.
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I am currently taking CBD oil, I'm not sure if it's working yet but I've heard it can take a few weeks so I'll let you know if it does wonders. Failing this I am going to re try SSRIs, I know you're after natural remedies but have you considered meds?
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I'm not strong enough to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I'm going to live an empty life unable to socialize or express myself so why should I bother waking up in the morning.
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No killing yourself. Not allowed. I forbid you.nnAlso, who says a quiet life without much socialization is empty? You can fill your days with so much stuff that doesn't require socialization. You CAN'T do all that stuff if you're dead, so don't.
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constantly feeling uptight and i probably look like im like constipated or something the way i probably walk. i try to relax while walking but its pretty much not happening, i cant relax. frustrated
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In my case doesn't matter if I think about it or not, I walk weird, like a fucking robot. I walk fast and my eyes are looking at nothing with an agressive way. Like i'm gonna kill someone. Uhm. It's kinda funny.
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it could all be so simple, my life would be 100x better without social anxiety.nnedit: looks like I'm trying MDMA lmao
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You can't
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I decided to look up what kind of support and benefits are out there for people with social anxiety... A lot of them require making a phone call.nnI'm too anxious to make a phone call. :( nnYou think there would be multiple ways to reach out if it's involving somebody with social anxiety. Especially if it's severe enough that you need to reach out for help in the first place. nnAnyone else think it's ironic?
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I think I would be less stressed talking to a therapist rather than a stranger. Because they would know what I'm going through, and they wouldn't judge me for my awkward behaviour. But I still didn't go to therapy u00af_(u30c4)_/u00af
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I'm about to throw this damn thing right out my bedroom window. I was sound asleep and the stupid asshole woke me up and now I can't go back to sleep and I have to wake up in the morning to go fucking work. I'm fucking livid right now! He's about to get fed to the fucking snakes! This isn't for real by the way. I'm just annoyed he keeps waking me up. Not sure what he wants but he's had all the veggies and treats he can have, guess he wants more lol
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I'm having family issues and now I just can't think straight anymore. I seriously can't think about past,future or even what's going on right now. I csnt think what i even want to ask at this point.nI will try to say as much as i can think of, nmy memory very badnI can't 'connect' my thoughts. This is hard mannI don't feel interest in things that i used to like anymorenI feel like I have no choice, i don't want anyone to suffer and i always sacrifice myself for others do that they don't feel pain. I really need someone.. i can't think anymorenI'm poor, hungry, i feel cornerd by everyone even if it's not their fault. It's as if one movd that I'd make is going to put a beloved one to problem and i don't want thatnPlease what should I do to think straight? I want to think clear again.. what's wrong with me
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Funny, i do manage to get 8hours of sleep every day, used to excersize but been slipping few weekends, water? I drink alotnExcept for food because my father doesn't send enough money to eat (we live apart, my parents aren't seperated but it's due to job) he's abusive too and shames me for being slim.. ironynI haven't ever done any smoke or nicotine except for alcohol one time.nThese all sounds perfect yet i csnt find what's wrong with me..
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I have some serious social anxiety, like terrible. I know how to carry myself around people and how to act friendly/approachable in person, so most people probably don't even realize how difficult these things are for me.nnI moved back home recently and I don't have any real friends here. I have a few acquaintances, two of them even messaged me some time ago asking to meet up but unfortunately I was busy both of the occasions.nnThis weekend I'm free and I would really like (and need) som social interaction over perhaps a beer or two. But I'M TERRIFIED of asking ANYONE, I really don't know how to do it.nnI imagine I write something in the style of
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Thank you! Yeah, I feel like I can handle it pretty good during social interactions. I literally just play a part of myself that doesn't suffer from debilitating social anxiety. As long as there's people there that can reflect that back to me, confirming that yes this goes well, there's usually no problem. It's the before and the after that gets to me. Anticipating the worst and then later in my mind searching for anything that I did/said that could have been off-putting. It literally makes my skin crawl. But I suppose it's just something I have to learn to get over, to do anyways and hopefully it will pay off sooner or laterm
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I feel like I can't make any friends. I'm so quiet most of the day (in my classes) that I'm only known for being that quiet kid. I do pretty well on my own, but my lack of social skills are shown every time group work is required. I'm screwed either way. If we get assigned partners, I stutter and mumble my way through the project. If we get to choose, I'm usually left with no one. nn I know it's not easy or practical to become some social person all of a sudden, but I just don't want to be up at night worried about the next day. I'm so used to being quiet that I don't want to speak at all. When I do, I always mess it up somehow too. One problem of mine has gotten better, but it's always thinking that other people are judging me. Realistically, they aren't, but I can't help but feel that they are. nn Every year since middle school I've been at least social enough to get around a friend every year. I can't go up to people in groups or say hey myself first. I always feel like I'm bothering them, and that they don't really like me. I've probably lost some friendships over this, but even when I'm invited I feel like a third wheel. I'm no one's favorite person, or someone's first and best friend. I'm more like the person you remember once in a while. nn I can't deal with any sort of confrontation or situation at all. I've had instances where I've run away, only to result in an even more awkward situation. Along with this, I've lost a few friends because of me being distant. I don't know how to express myself, like I'll not be talking because of a particularly bad day or long night, and they've assumed that I'm pissed at them. I just don't know how to deal with anything. I feel like when people were learning how to behave years ago, I just couldn't learn because I was too shy.nn Plus I've finally found a guy that I really like, but like every other time I just don't know how to keep a conversation going. I don't feel comfortable starting conversations, and I'm always afraid of bothering people. I feel like I'd maybe have a chance if I could talk more than a minute every day. I don't know if it's all in my head or not, but I feel like people are so used to me not speaking, that they brush me off anyway. nn I guess I really want a opinion on my situation. I know it's all me, in my head. People aren't out to get me or anything, but I really don't know how to change. I don't want to go into college like this, I want to be friendly enough to make friends. I just want to stop being such an emotionless person.
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I can't really read your post because it got all coded and extended off the textbox. But, some experts talk about how you need one safe comfortable real relationship to learn how to do this and go forth and make more. Usually it is suggested this is done in therapy. I had to get into some to realize that I could talk to people, could communicate openly and honestly without fear, and that I should say whatever I was thinking. And then I could proceed to do that with other people out in the real world.nnYour parents insurance may pay for some of this, or all if they have good ones.nnAlso, after I did some of this and got comfortable in my skin, I started actually doing stuff and going out into the world. When you have real hobbies and go places, you then have things to talk about and conversation is far easier.
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i never went to one and i really dont know how to act there. how do i order, act and pay???
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Just relax and treat it like any other establishment. A good fancy place that's genuine won't require much of you other than not being a slob and talking over others like any other restaurant. nnHand up or call them over, be polite. Tell them what you want or even ask them for recommendations. They're usually extremely friendly and trained well. If you're having multiple dishes or courses, you can also instruct them on timing or if you want everything in one go. nnWhen you're done with your meal or about to, call them over and ask for the bill. They usually come with a bill holder where you can place your money (including any tips) or credit card and grab a copy of the receipt.nnI think most of these things apply for most restaurants any way.nnThe more strict rules in fine dining is usually for when you're in the presence of certain people or very few establishments. Don't be too concerned otherwise.
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When I was a teen, a
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I'll look into a woman's gym, good idea!
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Most people mean that in a sort of endearing way, like
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It takes active effort but i am sure you'll be able to handle it
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I'm so fucked lol. God I wish I were normal
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SO?! How did it go?! :)
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Ive always had the suspicion that people thought I was boring but today I made a tiktok live drawing and someone told me I was “too low energy” which surprised me because I felt really happy while live, anyways a couple people told me on chat to not listen to that specific person but I think they were right regardless, I talk like I'm anxious
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I've been called boring because of my interests and personality yes
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How does everyone handle being at a club? I'm normally okay in group situations but the second I start becoming sober at a club I freeze up and panic and I make everyone leave because I can't handle being there. Dancing is the thing that triggers the worst of it and I hate missing out or making everyone leave early just for me. What can I do?
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What is it about dancing that triggers the anxiety? What is the underlying belief?
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Hi,nnI'm reaching out for support. I feel like I make a crappy friend.nnA lot of my friendships have fizzled out since the pandemic hit (not over disagreement over covid politics, people just seem to be more inward focused on their families). I feel like anything I say or do is wrong. I feel like I either reach out for support and that's wrong. It's now en vogue to tell someone that you're not their therapist. Fair enough. I deal with anxiety and am working on having better self awareness to not dump my problems on someone else. On the flip side, I'll listen to a friend and what she's going through. I'm an empath and do my best to be supportive, and it will eventually get to the point where I need to set a boundary and tell her that I've been neglecting my most basic needs and that I need to put the focus back on myself for a bit. I try to handle things compassionately because I know she can't afford therapy and is too prideful to admit she has some grief/trauma issues that need to be addressed. Anyway, it feels like she got upset and defensive when I was honest with her. She is one of the few people I have left in my life. I feel like we don't have much in common, as I'm childfree and she has three kids.nnEver since my friends dropped off like flies, I was spending lots of time with my friend's dog. He was a sweet dog, but passed away a couple weeks ago. I realized that since I have such a hard time maintaining human relationships, I sought out the friendship of a pet. Pets are awesome, but they can't substitute human interactions like having well thought out, deep discussions with another person.nnAnyway, I'm really hurting right now and am in a lot of emotional pain. I feel like initially, someone will be friendly with me and if I so much as breathe or make the wrong eye contact, I'll be blocked and deleted.nnCan anyone relate? Are you also trying to work on better self awareness (not dumping or bringing drama) while also trying to set proper boundaries and find balance when helping out friends?
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Well I'm 17 and just literally have no friends in my town so I guess I can relate. Sucks you have to go through that.
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It not like it's a social atmosphere as people are in their worlds already. but I'm out in the corner with my dog. Not being social but I gave someone a nod. Baby steps? How the h e double hockey sticks do you make fiends in a city.
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I went too.. I felt alone
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it happens to me on the daily bases and i almost hate my self afterwards every single time, whether its just a causal chat with friends trying to say something important to my boss i always choke and just dont say anything.nnand as always Shit things happen because of it.
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I am trying not to be too hard in my self over things I can't control, but i always feel like I could've said something instead of nothing at all.nPeople exclude me and don't invite me because they think I am not interested because I don't say anything.nI went to see a psychiatrist a while ago and I haven't told her some important things for no reason, I got misdiagnosed because of it.nLife is very difficult and painful and lonely because of it.
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That way you won't be hurt when others act badly towards you.
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Wait so i have to assume everyone around me is a pedophile serial killer?
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Despite my social anxiety, I manage to get along with few people and even become a member of this wonderful group. They are very kind-hearted people which Im truly grateful for. However, I never really got to know them well compared to how well they all know each other. It's because I barely hang-out with them and respond to our group chat. The reason is, I feel easily intimidated and it's like my shyness doesn't ever seem to fade away despite knowing them for a while now. 1 year later, we had this another friend of ours join the group. I feel sad for myself seeing that this person have gotten more comfortable with the group than I did. 2 years later, I decided I want to break from my shell and try to be myself around them. But then it's too late since I was so left behind and they have formed a bond that I could never catch up on and they already talked a lot of stuff, did a lot of things together and etc. I feel so undeserving of their birthday surprises and gifts the fact that I barely hang-out with them. So I had this thought that although they have been nothing but good, amazing friends, I want to tell them that I wanted to leave the group because I just feel unworthy of their of their friendship and I also never did feel comfortable around them. But then I overthink what if they think that I'm being an ungrateful, hostile person like how I seem to appear to others. It's just very difficult but yeah, I continue to blend in the shadows and keep a low profile. The only friends that I'm actually comfortable being around with is the people I grew up with. It sucks knowing that there's this possibility that I'll never learn to adjust to new people and be constantly dependent on people I know since my early childhood years. nnDo some of you feel the same way or has a similar experience that I had?
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Yeah. I had a group of friends that were overall nice people and they accepted my weird awkward self. I felt like I didnt fit in like I always do and ended up just deleting my social media and somewhat ghosting them. I don't think I will ever be normal and that just makes me sad
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In two hours i'm going to a youth group and i'm starting to feel extremely anxious. Please convince me to go. I don't want to spend another Friday night in my room. :(
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That's great! keep at it. Just remember that secluding yourself makes your condition worse
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nI always text in a dry way, so that they can just leave me alone. Coz I'm scared of the fact that they'll see me for who I am, an insecure shy bitch nn Like I know I'm not gonna talk to them in real life what's the point of texting them yk? I hate that I always do this and need to learn to stop
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yeah right, I'd answer short and dry, cause when they text me, I feel like there's a spotlight on me and I want it removed.nnDo you feel that way with anyone? Friends/family too?
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Was going through an article about coping with depression. One point said
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What triggers it? When did that start? And what do you do about it?
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its my new tradition to come off social media around the xmas time and be away from it all basically seeing everyone post their presents and be happy. cba with xmas now that im getting older, from being 15 waking up to a load of presents, money, attention and happiness from a lot of strangers and family, feeling buzzed all day knowing its xmas to now being 19 where i am sleeping in until 1pm, waking up to just a card, teeny bit of money and and a quick 'merry christmas' is a load of shit. nnxmas now just reminds me of the things i dont have, its a very triggering time compared to when i was younger. each year is more depressing and anxiety filled. im actually dreading it, some family members are coming round and i just know im going to be told to smile more. i wish xmas never existed. hopefully im just going to stay in my room all day on reddit and play some online games
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Well shit bro don't be dwelling in your own sadness. Like for real just try to spend time with friends or family and not sit in your room all day playing video games. You'll only regret it when you get older bro. Christmas obviously is partially about gifts and shit PARTIALLY but most of all have a good time. Don't shit the bed and say “Fuck this I'm going to stay in my room all day and play on the Xbox” Fuck that shit. Have a good time bro like spend it with your actual friends and your actual family bro. It's absolutely ok to feel this way but it's growing pains. You have grown up brother and that's ok. But what's not ok is to dwell in your feelings.
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So i work as a tortilla maker, and its the hardest position to work. I work doubles every single week and also have insomnia so its not to ideal. most of the time i get 2-3 hours of sleep before my doubles but somehow i still pull myself through. i think its the fear of being thought as a failure by my family. because any time i call off for a mental health day my family gets on my ass. they say things that make it feel like i dont do anything but im putting my everything for them. Im so overwhelmed and pressured and i have no idea what to do. most of the time im having mental breakdowns before work because i get so stressed out. there has been even a couple times ive had panic attacks at work and i jus have to pretend like everything is okay. and thats hard because when i have panic attacks i cry, shake, hyperventilate, sweat and or damn near pass out. the days i do get off i spend thinking about how stressful my next day of work will be. and now it seems that all my family is pushing themselves away from me, idk what i do wrong, idk whats wrong with me. someone help me.
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You are ill, is there anyone outside your family you can speak to?
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i dont know what i want from this? maybe to vent or feel seen somehow, but anyway. i'm breaking down. its come from nowhere.nni've been doing good for 2 months or so. i made this whole system where i push myself to do anxiety inducing tasks, give myself points for simply doing them (not based on whether i do them well or not), and give myself a reward based on accumulated points.nni was good.nnthen all of a sudden, a barrage of self-hate comes about. literal thoughts of
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In case SAD is part of it: r/SeasonalAffective/
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There's days where I don't want to get out of bed. I want to lay there and cry, sleep, and cry some more. I make myself go to work. I wake up sometimes, thinking, u201cwhat's the point?u201d. Today was different. I woke up with hope. I also had my first therapy appointment today. nnI feel excited for the future for the first time in a long time.
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Thank you! Any advice on what helped you?
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I set out to post a question on the internet regarding my tendency to feel less socially anxious when wearing sunglasses. nBut then I found already existing threads, including in this forum, about this phenomenon. My observations of these discussions led me to conclude that a substantial number of SA people share the same positive feeling about wearing sunglasses. A few feel the opposite way: bothered by sunglasses, even outdoors. Still, I have seen more positive than negative. nnMost seem to agree that wearing them indoors is counterproductive, as people often look at you funny. nnThe mechanism behind this phenomenon is, in my opinion, not easy to pinpoint but I have two theories:nn1) Eye Contact Avoidance Theory: We don't like eye contact much, so sunglasses take care of that problem because there can be no eye contact if there are no visible eyes. nn2) The Positive Reality-Check Theory: We get to scan everyone in the room, while giving the impression that we are looking elsewhere. Having all this information about people allows us to realize that very few people, if any, are staring at us or gossiping about us, thus keeping us less paranoid. nnMost likely, I think both theories play a role. nnPlease comment on your experiences with sunglasses. Have you noticed a difference in your social anxiety while wearing them, positive or negative? If so, why do you think this is? What do you think of my theories? Do you have any other theory of theories?
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It gives me the thought that because I can't see other people as clearly as usual, then they can't see me as clearly too. It also feels like eye contact is less awkward because other people's eyes don't feel as piercing to me because I have a protective barrier between me and them.
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I've struggled with shyness and social anxiety since I think about the third grade, but it was never an issue really until I moved from my small town in high school. I was suddenly at a new school and I didn't know anyone. It's been about 5 years since then, and I'm still friendless. I'm always really scared of bothering people by randomly going up and talking to them, so my strategy was always to just wait and let whoever wanted to talk to me come up and do so. Needless to say it didn't work. I was invisible throughout high school and now in college too. It's gotten a little bit better since I joined a jiu jitsu club and gym, but even then everyone only feels like an acquaintance, it doesn't feel like they want anything to do with me outside of the training sessions.nnWhenever I would talk to my parents about this, they'd always tell me I was being silly and if I wanted to talk to someone I should just do it, because that's what everyone else did. I couldn't though, and it made me think that I really shouldn't because no one at all was coming up and talking to me, so there would be a high chance of me bothering them if I tried to talk to them.nnIt's hard, I feel like I missed a crucial day in kindergarten where they taught everyone how to make friends and be social. I just feel like I have no social skills at all I've never been bullied or anything, but it feels like no one ever sees me, and I don't know how to make it so they do. Even with the guys at my gym, who really are awesome, I dont know what I'm supposed to do to push the realtionship from
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I appreciate the effort, and that's what I tried to do, but people don't interact with me, which is the problem. And I have a hard time initiating conversations because I'm constantly worrying that I'm bothering them by talking to them.
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Whenever I meet new people especially in groups I'm painfully aware of what my arms and legs are doing. I cant stop thinking about how people perceive my body language. Arms crossed?
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Oh I do this! Never thought twice about it before, didn't realise it was a thing!
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Hey guys, I'm new here, I just wanted to know if I'm the only one getting so anxious around the people closest to you. I've had debilitating social anxiety since I turned 18 but this year I'm even socially anxious with my parents and my brother who are the most important people in my life and the reason, along with my faith, that I'm still here. I'm heartbroken. I should point out that I also have paranoia and intrusive thoughts which make everything much more difficult. I hope you're doing well and thank you for reading!
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It's really comforting to know there are many others who feel the same. My sister whom I consider my bestfriend and whom I feel most comfortable with still notices few signs of my anxiety sometimes when I talk to her like going blank, stuttering or unconsciously raising my voice and sounding defensive when I'm asked a question. Somehow I feel disappointed in myself but whatever, that's just the way social anxiety is.
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Can anyone elaborate on this? I'm kind of interested because I've been searching for a job for over a year and feel that I haven't been successful because of my awkward interviews.
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Well, perhaps it would be helpful for you as long as it was temporary. Sometimes that's what a person needs. Your anxiety just sounds far more complex and isolating will make things worse. I knew my comment would get downvoted because it looks angry or like I don't get it. However, the comment was meant to sound like realistic advice and hope because anxiety is curable.
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So at my age we can finally drink alcohol. Hurray. Alcohol has become the source of all fun anywhere: You can't enjoy going to a bar, club, or a party without alcohol. It's just not
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It's a good idea even if it's just a way to meet new people. One of those nights out you might find some really cool people who have your style. nI also enjoy house gatherings and small concerts infinitely more than clubs. You could consider seeing small local bands to meet a different type of person.
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Most of life I've battled with anxiety ( just thought I was extremely shy) . As a kid I always thought I'd die alone because I had a fear of letting my feelings being know . Fast forward to high school I started smoking weed daily which lead to me losing weight ( no much but I went from chubby to skinny ) this change also brought a lot of attention by a lot of girls all which made me extremely nervous about I never had girls wanting my attention … other than friends which I enjoyed . I would consistently be put in situations that I would go completely blank. I couldn't really hold conversation unless there was purpose for us to talk. I found out I did well with woman who talked more than me it's was always easier to get to know them this way. Over the years I've had multiple girlfriends but I've never ask a girl to be my girlfriend EVER in 29 years we just dated and hook up consistently and then I get hit with the what are we ? Which was cool because it what I wanted but never felt the need to ask. Maybe it was fear of rejection. In my early 20's I became very self aware of my issues and took steps to force myself out of it . I went for jobs and a career that would force me to get out my comfort zone. In my journey of navigating out my comfort zone I meet the love of my life. Someone who understands me and knows how it feels to be trapped in your mind with only negative feelings. She helps me express myself in a more approachable way . ( not a overnight success this took 4+ years and I'm still learning ) But…. The past two years have been hard for me socially . I have a small friend circle which I've become distant with because of work , family ,and pandemic I have grown apart from them and It hurts . Everyone will all get together and not invited me unless it's a birthday. I use to think they just assumed I was busy but it's got to the point where I talk to my work friend daily and my friends of 15+ years once a month or some once for the year (I reached out). I want things to go back to the way it was, but I fear it's to late. At this point I feel alone in a room full of people. I feel myself slipping back into the dungeon in my mind and I'm fighting to stay out. This is my leap of faith
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You did well for yourself overall considering how badly SAD effects someone. For the friends part i guess that happen with most people.Anyway you doing fine keep it going.You will make some likeminded friends.
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It is for me. For some reason i feel like if I look into their eyes they'll either start a meaningless conversation or they'll view me as a threat.
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You might just have some autistic traits, remember it's a spectrum. I'm going to see a psychiatrist this friday to see if I might be on the spectrum.
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So I've had pretty bad anxiety most of my life, and I finally got medicated about a year ago. I take escitalopram 20mg daily and I found it really helped me and I stopped having daily panic attacks which was huge for me. And then quarantine hit and life sucks blah blah and my mental health got so much worse. My dr has given my quetiapine to take in addition to my current meds but for some reason I am terrified to take it. I have the bottle sitting by my bed and I do all of my calming exercises but I just cannot get myself to take the pill.nnAny tips? Experiences taking this med?
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Quetiapine is an anti psychotic I've taken for 7 years.. it is very sedating, especially at first.. it helps keep you from having manic episodes and panic attacks.. it is a more relaxing type of medication that I would recommend to Bipolar people or people with massive anxiety:panic attacks
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I finally got my first job and I was emailed by HR telling me that my start date is today (20th). I went there, struggled to find the entrance and was told to go to the service desk for help. 2 ladies helped me by contacting someone.nnFast forward, a supervisor comes and says
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See, this is the crap I hate about jobs and all the corporate nonsense. They come at you with all this gibberish like you're somehow supposed to know exactly what they're talking about, but of course when you don't, they act like you're as stupid as a box of rocks. This is one reason why I truly dread getting a job.
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My grandad always used to say 'It's not who you are, or what you do, it's how you make people feel thats important'nnI love the message and I certainly value it highly, so when I get the idea that I make people uneasy or uncomfortable around me, it hurts. Luckily, I have got a to stage where my anxiety is bearable and I can handle it myself but when it affects others that really bothers me.nnPeople don't feel comfortable, coming up to me in the library, coming into my room, facetiming me, or generally making the first move with me. Or even coming to visit me when I was in Barcelona! I always invited people to come over, but no one ever came, which actually really depressed me when my other friends had people coming over every weekend. I remember one saying 'Don't u find it irritating how every weekend u have a friend who wants to come over, I just want to have one weekend to myself' I remember thinking wow and dying a little bit inside.nnThe point is, my social anxiety involves a first burst of anxiety at first, so when bumping into people etc.. But soon afterwards (generally 30 seconds) I relax into the conversation. So I think my awkwardness from the start makes others really uncomfortable, that is the root of and it and that's why I think people rarely make the first move with me. I'm more pleasant to be around when I plan something myself and I can calm my anxiety before entering the social situation. Anyone else relate?nnnTLDR: My social anxiety makes others uncomfortable and therefore I feel they avoid me, to avoid an awkward encounter. So I always have to make the first move... Anyone relate?
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Hmm interesting. I felt like that too sometimes making people feel uncomfortable at the first impression even if Im much better at handling social situations later on when I have more time.nI mean i'm not tude etc + known a lot of ultra rude people who were well liked and had lot of friends so maybe you are right.nSadly i cant say solution for this but this perspective is very interesting, hopefully someone has a good idea for us.
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I'm kind of optimistic about it.nnOver the last couple of years I've seen a lot of improvement with how much I care about what random people think about me.nI really really don't care what people that I will probably never interact with think about me, as long as I'm adhering to my moral code I feel ok. And in the past it wasn't like that, I would be scared as shit of doing some of the stuff I do now like wearing certain clothes, riding electric scooters and smoking weed in public, I realized that people won't call me out unless I'm being a complete jerk and that I shouldn't care about their opinion about me. Practically it was exposure therapy what has help me the most in this cases, but because my actions had literally no consequences and I kind of knew they wouldn't. I'm also much more open about my problems, a couple of years ago you wouldn't get any word out of me about my emotional problems.nnBut on the other hand I'm still experiencing a debilitating amount of social anxiety when it comes to social interactions, specifically in group settings and with unfamiliar people, and I have a great deal of difficulty being proactive and integrating myself. And this has been like this all my life, and I've gone though different places (schools, universities, student dorms) and met people and had social interactions, I don't go looking to socialize but I also don't avoid it that much, and the practically paralyzing fear and high amount of uncomfortableness and self-consciousness that I experience won't go away. And I'm having trouble imagining myself as a confortable, outgoing person who isn't constantly worrying about his image.nnI'm going to a choir every week at the moment, I enjoy it, I know it helps me to train as a musician which is my main life goal, and is practically the only type of interaction I have with people my age, other than a couple of friend that I speak with over the phone. But fuck man it is so fucking draining, I'm anxious all the time, making extrange conections and ideas in my head about the people around me and worrying about how I'm presenting myself. I just want to feel confortable but I feel that if I let myself go I'm gonna really fuck it up somehow. And every time I have to go I get anxious and really stressed about it since the day starts, even when I manage to keep it out of my head.nnThis is part of the reasons that I suspect the posibility of being autistic, because I feel that a lot of this stress comes from masking and trying to act appropriately, because I feel that I don't have the social hability to act correctly if I'm not constantly thinking about it. nnSocial interactions feel like a game of chess to me, I try to imagine all the possible outputs of an action and thoughs that the other person could have about me before I do anything while I have no idea what the fuck he's thinking, and this constantly ends up in me doing nothing.nnI also have a facial difference (I don't like to call it malformation or deformity) which makes things just a bit worse because I literally don't look like a normal person, so is harder to feel like one. nnI mean, my experience to how I react now to random people tells me that is possible to get rid of the SA most situations, but I find it really hard to imagine myself letting go without the help of drugs or something.
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I think a high percentage of people that have SA have it because of their own decisions, meaning decisions that lead them to not going out of the house and developing the social skills.nnso i think most of us with SA with exposure therapy could become 'normal'nnI believe i am one of those type of people. i spent most of my adult life isolated playing games on the computer, my lack of social development because i didnt go out gave me social anxiety. ( thats what i think anyway)
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and it even doesn't matter what you do. sometimes it's personality, sometimes it's your characteristics, sometimes just a random thing that you said, or even maybe it's you doing it.nBut most of all it doesn't matter. And mostly they already decided that they don't like you so everything good that you do will just automatically be bad because it was related to you.nPeople aren't nice, and it's very luck when they are.
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There are definitely some nice people out there. Don't give up hope that you can't meet at least one :)
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I have this insecurity about how little weddings I've been invited too. A lot of it is my fault (terrible at keeping up with friends/family) but it still hurts. Some of my friends and my bf get invited to multiple per year. I'm also realizing all of my close friends are either already married or no where near getting married so it will be quite a while till I'm invited to any again.nnSorry if this is not the right place to vent about this but it's just a shitty feeling I can't get over :(
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Around these parks, it's a relief to not get invited to weddings. It's so mentally exhausting thinking of what to say to people you'll meet at big social events like weddings.
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I always hear that if you don't have friends you should join a club or get a hobby. Guess what? Most people don't have to force themselves to go to clubs and groups to make friends. It just happens naturally. A lot of these people don't even HAVE hobbies, they just go to work, drink/party, gossip, and yet they have a whole squadron of friends and companions. nnMe, I've spent months on bumble BFF and forcing myself to volunteer/join clubs in hopes of making friends. Then, comes a carefully curated strategy of reaching out/not reaching out too much. If I do one thing wrong, they never speak to me again. (This post isn't about dating, but the same thing happens with guys. One mistake and they flee.) nnNormal people don't have to do any of this. It seems so unfair that we have to put in 100x the efforts to get a fraction of the results.
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I gave up tbh. I just try to be nice to everyone, work hard and just enjoy my hobbies.
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Mom moved out about 2 months ago leaving me with my step dad who she divorced and my step sister...Well now she is kicking them out in a month and i will be alone to care for the home and pay bills ect...nn My mom offered me a job to work for her so i will be able to put something on my resume for the future but atm my social anxiety is so unbearable to where i am feeling like i don't want to take this offer and it will basically leave me homeless because i won't be able to pay the bills. nnI hate the way i look, i'm ashamed and i have never felt comfortable in my own skin since around middle school which was 10 years ago or close to that. On top on SA and depression, i'm 22 and never had a job and not doing schooling like college because of my problems. :(
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take the job with your mom, try to get a better one after 6+ months. go back to school in the meantime, take online classes if possible.
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Thank you so much for the support you guys were tremendously helpful, I will attempt to get therapy and continue to hit the gym like many of you recommended. Thank you means so much.
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I'm sorry but 5 foot 5 inches isn't even short in my book. Like yeah I'm 5 foot 6 but my wife and lots of people I interact with are near or below my height. Worked around some Mexicans for several years and never felt out of place in their company thats for sure. I think maybe you should focus less on your height less on what others think, and perhaps even a chance of scenery and people in your life is in order. There is so much to learn out there.
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I'm always have struggles to talk to anyone, and here Iam writing these in my room. I dont know what I must do, people will have barbeque party at balcony tonight and I think I just ruined my life because I cant stick with my family like just for a second . I mean like talk to my uncle or having fun with my nephew, I just- cant do anything. I just ruined my day by refusing my uncle offer to having fun at pool together with my 2 nephew
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I think you are being hard on yourself, and judging yourself.nnAre you worried about something? Afraid of something? Family is not nice to you?
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I can't shake this voice. It's become the forefront of my social experiences and it's making it impossible to connect with anyone. nnI'm naturally introverted and do really like being alone. But I'm starting to wonder if I'm just telling myself I'm happy this way, or if I just genuinely lack the trust and ability to connect beyond a casual acquaintance... nnI miss being goofy with friends or staying up all night talking to someone... but I can't shake this voice... ugh.nnEdit: this is just an internal voice, not something I can actually hear. I can see how this post might sound like I'm struggling with schizophrenia.
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Exactly! When I speak or texts or there's people around me and I'm speaking I hear shit like that or they don't like me they think this girl is sooo annoying
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I've been feeling unmotivated with the things that I love to do these days and it's making me feel frustrated. I have this hobby that I really like doing but now when I'm actually doing it, I feel like I'm going to cry and I feel so sad and I don't even know why. I can still do it but not with the energy that I have before. Just this feeling of wanting to scream and just bawl out randomly but I can't. I really want this feeling to go away so that I can do my hobby properly again.nnAnyone have any thoughts on this? I really want to hear at least one.
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I've never talked to a psychiatrist/therapist before so I have no medication. This is probably my first time having this.
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I'm an 15 year old male that has been experiencing long episodes of mental cloudiness since birth. When I get sick or have an infection I experience mental cloudiness. Sometimes I can have long episodes of mental cloudiness that persists throughout the year not allowing me to focus or concentrate on school. My short term memory is non existent and I feel like I'm trapped in a dome of surreal-ness with heavy negative nostalgia like feelings. I've had breaks from the surreal feelings the mental cloudiness has presented me with but it doesn't last very long. Sometimes I do not have enough mental consciousness to experience life. Life is going by so quickly and I fear that I won't be able to live life before it ends. Please help.
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Well we don't diagnose here but I would encourage you to look into depersonalization, derealization or dissociation as these sound sort of analagous to what you are describing. nnPlease remember when reading internet links about these experiences that they are usually not clinically precise and it's easy to mis-self-diagnose. Nonetheless it might be a good starting point. nnMindfulness meditation can be a big help for people who struggle with detachment.
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I would pay good money if there was a class or other IN-PERSON group setting to learn better social skills. I can't find anything. Any ideas? I'm in the silicon valley area.
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I haven't heard of anything exactly like what you are describing, but here are a couple of options. You could join a meetup for those with social anxiety. There you can be with others also working on their SA and learn from each other. I think it would be nice b/c you would have something to relate to and know that they aren't judging you for having SA. nnYou could also join a Toastmasters club. They work on public speaking and giving speeches. You could attend a couple and then deliver a talk. They can help give you feedback on your body language, tone of voice, etc.
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Story Time.nnThis is coming from a person who, despite trying my hardest, always cries as a reaction to extreme anxiety. every time I have to talk In front of people, I can feel myself losing it, I feel so weak (can anyone relate?)nnDuring class, I sit next to my crush (3 year long crush, mind you be.) Today, he casually brings up that he hasn't cried in years, and that whoever cries in front of other people is weak.nnI can tolerate a lot of things, but if you judge someone based on their behavior when you don't know what caused it, that is one thing I cannot let slide.nnLong story short, he is now no longer my crush. He has lost my respect.nnI just wanted to say that everyone deals with anxiety in different ways, and that there is no right or wrong reaction to it. The important thing is that we help and encourage each other instead of judging one another, and to realize that no matter how different, we are all going through something hard. Because of that, we all need and deserve support.nnThanks for reading.
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As person who doesn't feel comfortable crying in front of anyone (i think it has something to do with my anxiety and valuing my self image above anything else due to my
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I can't relax in public even when I'm at the park, listening to music, taking in the surroundings and having a rest. I have to awkwardly try to avoid making eye contact with people, and if I do, worry about people thinking me pathetic, ugly, weird and creepy. It's a constant train of thought, no matter how much I try to enjoy the moment and distract myself or tell myself that most people really don't give a damn about some guy on a park bench, my brain continually tortures me with silly worries that waste my life...
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That's how I feel about pretty much everyone I see. I always assume they're mentally picking out everything they hate about me and making fun of me in their head, and it sucks because they're probably not but I can't convince myself otherwise.
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The moment I enter the lunchroom and hear the chitter-chatter of people talking, my heart starts pounding as if a pride of lions is gonna come and attack me
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Yeah I even skipped the few lunches provided by the place I used to work just because I couldn't handle going in there and dealing with other people. Led to more depression. It sucks.
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I'm working as a Cna right now and it's too damn stressful. Especially because my boss is a complete bitch. There was an incident a couple days ago where I made a small mistake and my boss just came down and freaked the fuck OUT. Yelled and screamed and slammed doors. I'm so done with this job. And I wanna try something that's not being a Cna nnI wanna give call center a try since they're hiring, but I'm worried after reading about horrible experiences working in them
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Don't do it. I wasted ten years of my life working in call centers. The lifespan of an average employee is three months and you end up doing a round robin of one call center to another.
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I don't know anyone from the class personally since everything has been online. I have worked with these people through zoom meetings and we've done previous assignments together. I thought I made a good impression but apparently not. I didn't even ask them to work with me specifically - we just need to form groups of 4. Now I have to email the whole class if someone still has a spot left. I hate the embarassment that goes along with this :(
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I think it may help you to realize that it's quite possible some of them did not respond out of, well, social anxiety. There may not have it quite as much as you do, but I guarantee you that many people tend to overthink about their responses in group chats with lots of people, to the point where they may not answer at all. I know I'm like that, yet I don't even struggle with social anxiety, at least not in real life.
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I don't think I can live a normal life
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Even if I had a regular 9 to 5 job I don't get how people go to work and school. How can they do classes at night and work during the day? There isn't enough time for all that and homework
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No matter how many times I keep saying u201cI'll do better. I won't complain. I won't over apologise. I won't start crying over the voices in my head telling me I don't matter. I won't be passive aggressive.u201d It just doesn't work.nnBeing a child my emotional needs were seldom met. It was all about u2018get good grades in school or else you ain't shit' and so any emotional issues I had or anything I sought to reassure me I was beautiful/good enough ect. was seldom given to me .My parents were having hard times getting along anyway so they were always stressed- my mom the least stressed and my dad the most.n I remember going up to my dad asking him if he thought I was ugly and all he said was u201cno.u201d And continued watching television. I remember him calling me a prostitute when he got mad at me for losing my passport saying I could end up trafficked. My mom used to call me stupid when I did something wrong, and my dad would scream at me - calling me names for hours and hours (just screaming at me and then grabbed my phone and laptop and hid it away from me)when he found out I had an innocent relationship at age 16. All those just sat within me and being at a fragile age it obviously grew on me. I just turned 20 and all I do in my romantic relationship is apologise for pouring my heart out and get upset over the smallest things because somehow it's always my fault according to my mind. All I do is beat myself up night and day and cry. I'm very sensitive... nI also developed body dysmorphia because I never felt good enough and hated my appearance. I tried bleaching my skin at age 14 and was so ashamed of the way I looked. I've even gone as far as to tell my SO to break up with me because I'm not worth anything. But he says he won't leave me.nThen I feel bad and apologise to him promising I'll change but then a cycle erupts where I keep thinking he doesn't care about what I have to say and that I shouldn't rant or tell him anything because my rants and emotions do not matter and never will because I'm a failure in life and I'm everything my parents told me I am as a child nnDespite this I keep fighting and fighting but I just always have to reach a point where I fall down and I succumb to the voices in my head. I'm so hopeless. I wish I was different. I hate wanting to try again and again and again with only a few moments of positivity before it crashes. I just get empowered for a while then I get triggered and let everything crash down. I've thought about suicide but I just don't have the balls to actually do it. I can't do it. nI just poured out my heart about my childhood to my SO and instantly thought u201cyou're typing too much he doesn't care so stfuu201d and I apologised to him with a passive aggressive tone and left the conversation just like that. I can turn into a real bitch when I'm insecure and passive aggressive because I want constant reassurance but it's like it doesn't work for long. Only when I take a breather and realise I was being stupid.nBut I know I'll regret it later and apologise to him. Then I'll feel like I can get better then CRASH again and get triggered . Last weekend I started crying so much because I thought he didn't want me near him when it wasn't even anything personal like that. But I cried and cried and had more negative thoughts jump in and I just cried the whole night and he comforted me until I fell asleep. I hate myself for being this way. It's so hard. I just don't know what to do. My anxiety is so bad and my insecurities are enormous and it's shocking how much damaging a child-teenager can cause them when they're older. It's just so hard to get better
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I have been considering medication but I do not know much about the different options for anxiety and depression. I would prefer not to be on medication, but if it helps a lot and does not have as many side effects, I would definitely be willing to give it a go! What are your experiences with meds?
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Hi there ! I've been having a really tough time of it recently and am finding it really difficult to get through my day-to-day life. Whilst I have started CBT, I'm starting to wonder whether antidepressants might be a good option to get me to a point where I can make constructive changes in my life. However, I'm a little bit concerned about the side effects, as I know many others are. I especially love to write and it is really one of the only things keeping me sane atm. Do any creative-types have any experience of going on ADs, that they wouldn't mind sharing ? Do you think ADs are good idea to begin with ? I have found that exercise and diet changes have helped to an extent but I've struggled to fully commit to these, due to feeling down about the anxiety. nnAny advice would be hugely appreciated
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I have tried (but stopped taking) a few types of medication to manage anxiety and depression - I stopped doing so in part because of the side effects, but more because they did not improve my condition at all. TLDR, I got all the side effects, and none of the benefit; medication is not a good fit for me.nnThat said- While I had bad side effects with Zoloft/Prozac etc, none of them affected my creative impulses. In fact, nothing has crippled my creativity more than just being depressed. At the level I am now (unmedicated and with no medication available that works), I basically feel brain dead. I cannot motivate myself to write or think of ideas, or do anything else I used to enjoy doing. There are times when just thinking about being creative takes too much effort for me.nnNotably: Getting to this state has been a slow process- I was capable of doing a lot more creatively just a few years ago, and the deeper I sink into depression the more I feel that fade. One of my loves used to be writing, and I'm just too drained now to be capable.nnSo I'd suggest that if there is anything you can find to reduce your anxiety and depression - meds or whatever - then consider it. You will at least avoid potentially reaching the point where you hit the floor and are completely unable to get through the day, never mind do anything constructive (which is a constant worry I have for myself).
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My therapist suggested joining a support group to help cope with the social anxiety, since she hasn't seemed to have an impact on that since I started seeing her. (She is helping my generalized anxiety and depression a lot, however) The group on my college campus meets this Friday and I've already spoken with the group leaders who are eager to have me in the group. I'm really nervous though. Does anyone have any advice as to what to keep in mind when I go or opinions or success stories or something? I've never done anything like this before and I'm definitely really nervous about it.
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If you are in university, there might be one through the school. That's where mine is. Otherwise, I just google searched 'social anxiety support group' and the name of my city.
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I'm doing a final project for college and I decided to do it on mental health. It would be helpful if you all can fill out the survey and potentially tell a friend in order to get more responses. Please and thank you.nn(https://forms.gle/Ga5RrCjv2TZBi2dSA)
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Done~ Hope it helps, good luck
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A few months ago I moved to a new country, my old classmates, teachers and family texted me to see how I was but I didn't reply to them. nnI have social anxiety and I ask my mom for help every time I get a text message, she doesn't like helping me because she said I'm old enough to do it myself. nI feel terrible for not replying to people. nI need help/advice on what should I do.nThank you
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When I had this issue, I would google replies for the questions and it helped calm me down. I definitely thought a lot on what to reply and sometimes I just didn't reply at all. I know it's not what you want to hear but the best solution is to power through it. If you have a lot of texts to reply to, it may be overwhelming but you can take it slow and just reply to one or a few. Progress, no matter how little, is still progress. nnWishing you good luck :)
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For me, the anxiety doesn't really go away when socializing is digital. It's a bit more manageable, sure, but I see those memes and whatnot of people being timid in real life and just jazzed up online and its like God, I wish that were me. nnInstead I've dropped off social media (Instagram, Facebook, never had Twitter lol) because I don't want people to judge me. It's hard seeing highlights of their lives. Instead I browse reddit and tumblr because they both are a lot more anonymous. I've never been good at having friends, irl or online. Often if I am chatting with others I will type, delete, retype, and just decide not to say anything. I feel so stuck in my head, I know that logically no one cares enough to examine me so microscopically... but at the same time some of my opinions can be a little controversial so I'd rather not discuss certain things. It's like rejection sensitivity, I guess? I don't know how to fit in and make myself comfortable and I'm nervous even posting this, haha, even though I know this is an understanding community. nnIf you read this far, thank you! I hope you can't relate ud83dude05
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I believe in ya! to be honest though, creating an alt no one knows about and typing random shit is fun even though it feels a bit selfish.nnand yeah, I can totally relate, I feel the same around my normal accountsnntake care! :) <3
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ud83dude14
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Your obviously only here to spread negativity though. So i dont know why you even commented. This simple post was meant to bring people like myself together so we feel less alone. Not for someone to come along and say hey yeah your right everyone does hate you.
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Someone I look up to said that he's seen a pattern:nn20s: you feel lost and you usually hide it with bravado.nn30s: things start to somehow get into placenn40s: you are completely comfortable in your own skin.nnI'm 33. After uni in, around 24, I become a shut-in. I am very happy but I spend time alone, have no job (disability), and go nowhere.nnIn my head a feel much more comfortable in my skin - I feel confident walking around/running and a few outdoor stuff. I just know life changes even if you don't want it to (and, ok, that's a good thing), so the worry is will I be ready for the changes.nnBasically, in terms of interacting with the world, it's like I've been asleep for about a decade. The reason why (according to the above pattern) one is comfortable in their 40s is also that they did stuff in their 20s and 30s - they practiced.nnHas anyone been in my position, can life be built even started from the mid-30s (with the lack of life experience)
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I wasted my 20s. My 30s will be worst cause nothing has really changed but dating is getting harder
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I hope this okay to post here since it's job related. I work for Goodwill. You know, the store that hires people with disabilities. I have a few mental illnesses: depression, social anxiety disorder, ADD, and APD. I had trouble finding work willing to accommodate for them because apparently four mental illnesses known to appear together and two unrelated medical conditions (asthma and shellfish allergy) are too much to work with. Whatever.nnI was working donations when this happened. We have a new rule that donators have to unpack their own donations. It's one of the few COVID protection measures we have left. We do help those who are disabled or elderly or with large furniture, but tell donators to wear a mask in those cases.nnSo a lady pulls into the drive-thru and gets of her car to stand by her trunk. Before I can even tell her that she needs to unpack her own car or even ask if she needs help, she starts yelling at me because I wasn't quick enough, I guess. Claims it's my job to do this and to find another one if I don't like it. nnSocial anxiety kicks in and I try to take deep breaths so I don't break down and have a panic attack in front of her. This ticks her off too, and she says I have a bad attitude. At this point I'm freaked out and just want to get away or for her to leave, so I quickly start to unpack her car. She complains and tells me not to throw her stuff, or rather the stuff she's giving away. nnI try to take more deep breaths, which upsets her again and she reminds me all this is part of my job and that I should just get another one if I don't like it plus other stuff that I tuned out. Apparently to her, being verbally abused is something I signed up for. nnShe then asks for my manager because of my bad attitude or something. For the first time, i actually say something to her and tell her okay, I'll get him.nnI feel like crap and finally break down while getting the manager and have a panic attack. He sends me to the break room while he goes to deal with the irate customer.nnAfterwards I was still shaky and nervous and couldn't stop crying. I could barely work because I kept getting freaked out when people came near me or tried to talk to me. I was out of it for the rest of my shift, but at least I finished it! Everyone felt bad for me, I guess. They kept saying she was just a horrible person, which she was, and how they wanted to ban her from the store and stuff. That doesn't stop my anxiety or it feeding into my depression though. Maybe I do deserve being verbally abused like that? I dunno.nnI really hate myself right now for being this way and can't stop crying or shaking. I feel so useless like this. I have no idea how I'm going to work tomorrow; maybe I should just admit I'm too screwed up in the head to work and just go on disability.nnThanks for reading if you got this far. Maybe I'll feel better later.
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Hi friend:) Though I can't pretend to understand your circumstances completely since I'm not disabled, I'm someone who struggles with social anxiety and ptsd too. This is a really vulnerable post and I think more people around you can relate than you might think. You're not screwed up. It's hard every day to push through with social anxiety when you're working a job where everyone expects you to be overly social and cheerful all the time, and to anticipate their every need. It's a lot of pressure, but you and your health matter first. Sometimes the best you can do is make it home at the end of the day in one piece. Give yourself some space for everything in between, to breathe and to make mistakes and be human. It's easier said than done, but every single person makes mistakes and gets anxious. Everyone who gets mad and yells at you has had at least one moment where they felt out of place and awkward and scared. You don't deserve any less compassion or forgiveness or room to make mistakes than anyone else. I know sometimes bad interactions like these make you feel like the world is ending and that you've ruined everything. So just go home, have a shower, eat, watch a show, go to sleep, carry on with your night and know it's all fine for tonight. You can worry about tomorrow after you wake up. In the moment, deep breaths, fresh air, and something to fiddle with in your hands really helps me (I know that stuff probably sounds so cliche and unhelpful but it really helps me in the moment). Please go easier on yourself
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I'm the middle child in my family, all guys. Anyway out of the three of us I feel like I was the most sensitive growing up. I remember one time I spilled milk and started crying, because I thought my dad was going to yell at me. Anyway he had a bit of an anger problem and he yelled a lot. Every year he seemed to make a new years resolution not to get so angry, but he always inevitably blew up. nnTo this day I'm not comfortable around him. I mean I love him, but I feel like I developed strong feelings of anxiety during childhood that carried over into adulthood. I feel like I'm always constantly trying to repair a broken relationship almost. Just wondering what everyone else's father was like growing up.nn
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me too
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I felt some anxiety going to the gym today. Some anticipatory anxiety as I was walking to the gym entrance. and then, instead of fighting against it, I chose to instead accept it. Instead of beating myself up, I chose to accept it, embrace it, forgive it, look at it with love. Then my anxiety went down and I felt SO much better. nnI did it again at school. Its the first week of new semester. I felt anxiety walking around campus, and I just accepted it, even laughed at it. Felt so good.nnI'm finally making progress with healing my social anxiety! nI will regularly post my progress reports. anyone else have progress?
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That's great. I was just thinking the other day about how I was terrified the first time I went to the gym. Now I feel literally as comfortable there as I do alone in my room, even if it's full. I even take a certain amount of pleasure in doing things to be weird and having people stare at me and feeling ok with it. It just feels so great to me to see how far I've come. I try to push myself to do things that slightly embarrass me until they aren't embarrassing to me anymore. For instance putting the incline up on the treadmill as high as it can go. It stands out and looks kind of ridiculous and this is the type of thing that would've been hell for me a few years ago. Now I can do it and feel 100% comfortable and that's such an empowering feeling. To be able to do something, knowing people may be judging you and thinking you're a little weird for it, and to genuinely not care is so immensely freeing. I do little things like this wherever I can now in public and just see it as more practice that's making me a little stronger each time.
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edit; after reading y'all guys respond it made me feel a bit better. thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone in this
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I hope you're safeud83eudd7aI feel really empty alone n depressed too... I promise ur not alone
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This is one of the most debilitating parts of SA in my opinion- the terrible, shameful, gut wrenching, self disgust I get when I leave a social situation and inevitably go back through all the supposedly terrible/rude/embarassing things I have said or done in said situation. These long bouts of compulsive thinking often trigger long bouts of depression...and I need some mechanism to make it stop. I've found that a change of perspective 'at least i have 2 arms and 2 legs/family is alive, husband that loves me etc...' but that doesn't always kick me hard enough in the ass...any tips?
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If you say something thats genuinely stupid, just laugh to yourself about it afterwards. Otherwise just block it out and think of something else.
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I didn't even notice it but i've really spent my whole year staying at home all day, smoking weed, not being productive and really not making any progress in healing my social anxiety. It's crazy how time passed and shit is the same way it was when i turned 18. I really took tome for granted, this shit is scaring me.
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exactly
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Hi all, nnJust wanted to see who has gone to therapy and how/if it has helped? If it did help, what did your T teach out to help it? I just started therapy and im trying to set proper expectations. Sometimes I think therapy will just cure me of my anxiety but in starting to feel like that never can really happen
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It will take a fairly long time to notice improvements in your SA, and you will have to put a serious effort in. Your therapist can't directly help your SA, but he can help you help yourself. You are 100% responsible for your improvements.
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social anxiety has ruined my life. I don't have many friends and i am hardcore struggling in my classes. I missed a lot of lectures and i feel like if i was more outgoing and less anxious i would be able to ask other students for help and we can study together but now i'm screwed. I missed several weeks of class and i have an exam in a couple hours. I wish i could have friends to make a study group. I'm so behind now, that it would be super embarrassing to ask my classmates for help. I'm set up for failure, and my social anxiety plays a huge part
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no why
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Ever since I found out that I have SA, I've been working to overcome it. My confidence has grown tremendously, I've joined clubs, and I even answer questions in class. However, I'm having problems having conversations. At first I thought that English not being my native language was the problem, but I've realized that it's got more to do with me. When I talk to someone, words just vanish and my mind goes blank. Any tips that would help me would be greatly appreciated.nnAlso, I think that I might be depressed but I do not know how to tell my dad or anyone for that matter. Advise on what to do, would also be appreciated. nnThank you.
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omg i hated this lmfao
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And it's the worst thing I've had to muster up the courage to do in a while. I get really bad anxiety in places I'm not familiar with and with people I don't know or if I don't really know what to do or what the event in question will look like. But today I had to go to the gynecologist on my own and for some reason I'm terrified I'll do or say the wrong thing even though they're just people who will help me anyways if I end up not knowing what I'm doing (which I don't). Doctor's offices are some of the worst among triggers to my social anxiety.nnUpdate: Got messaged by a “life coach” after this, lol. Not what I wanted or was asking for.
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I hear ya. The waiting rooms are the worst too.
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Hi everyonennFor the last 10 years I have worked in sales in the financial services sector. I developed a new country territory and built a sales team of people 10-20 years older than me. This included relocating overseas to develop the territory and it is now a multi-million pound business. This hasn't been easy. For 20 + years I suffered from mental health issues/crippling social anxiety which included being on anti-depressants, self harm and being suicidal. nnMental health problems run in my family. My brother developed schizophrenia during my teens and it was very hard on my family. He is now living a good life (on the lowest dose medication) and living in a Buddhist centre. My sister has recently recovered from a neurological disorder after 5 years. She is a very sweet girl, but unfortunately while she was a teacher other staff bullied her and she didn't stand up for herself. Overtime this ruined her body/mind and she even lost the ability to walk. She had to quit work and my mother had to nurse her back to health.nnI am looking to move out of the finance/corporate world and do something that actually impacts and adds value to people's lives. I have a large amount of empathy and a growing desire to help people.nnDue to what I have gone through I feel there are many things that I know (which others don't) which I can help with. I don't want people to have to go through what I did alone.nnIf you would like to chat about your situation, want some help, advice or coaching please DM me. I have already helped many people on reddit and I have found very rewarding. nnThere is no cost for this service and please be aware I am not a licensed health/mental health professional, but I have 20+ years of real world experience with mental health issues and have dramatically turned my life around and helped others.
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Your a good soul .
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Hi, everyone! Few months ago, I finally admitted to myself that I needed help with my mental health. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and moderate depression. I was referred to a therapist and she's wonderful but the days or hours before the sessions made me more anxious than I already was. She suggested that I took SSRI drugs but I told her I could do without it and that I just needed guidance because I knew I could fight this. Boy, was I wrong. I am not getting better. My will-power is not as strong as I thought. Now, I'm considering it. nnI need your input, please. Did SSRI meds help you? Why or why not?
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Taking SSRI's really improved my life! I was worried (fittingly bc anxiety) that it would change my personality but if anything, i feel so much more of myself. My goal is to one day not need to take them, but i would try it. If you feel like you need a second professional opinion, see if that is something that you can get, if you have access to it! You can always (with medical guidance and not cold turkey) stop taking them if they do not work.
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oh god, I'm giving this another try. it hasn't worked out well for me in the past. I made a friend and then broke up with her over text. but for the first time I didn't ghost! I'm so picky about people. I'm just very guarded and don't want to waste my energy. I know I'm a lousy friend and that's why I can't maintain any friendships. but here we are again. I'm going to put myself out there and try to make friends and try to learn to be a better friend. tell me if my bio sounds stupid. obviously I think it does. but I also don't want to sound fake.. please help menn“I'm a stay-at-home wife with no plans to ruin it by having kids. a girls' trip sounds fun, everything sounds fun. but I'm introverted so it also sounds a little exhausting? I have pretty chill (boring) energy unless I'm drinking… it sounds like a red flag but I swear I'm really not that bad I'm fun.”nnUPDATE here is my current bio after I made several changes. it's much friendlier now lol thank you guys for your help (grammar isn't perfect because there's a character limit)nn“ I love to travel. Going on a girls' trip is something I've never done and would be so fun. I would love to take a pottery, yoga, or cooking class, learn pilates, go to museums, the zoo, concerts, the spa, shopping. I love tacos, wine, tapas, all food really. I like camping, gardening, board games.”
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thank you. I posted my revised bio in a comment, but I've now updated the original post. but thank you, you are right. I think I was scared to leave out what I perceive as my negative traits, because I don't want to lead people on and disappoint them. so like self sabotaging. but I just need to be a better friend. which is a CHALLENGE ugh I hate SA so much
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I finally scheduled an appointment today to get help for my SA. It has become really debilitating and I've been avoiding it intensely. I'm recovering from knee surgery and I know I'm going to need some professional help to get and keep a job once I'm recovered and can go back to work. I've been experiencing pretty heavy depression along with my social anxiety, so it really took a lot for me to actually ask for help. I guess I'm proud of myself even though I'm definitely not looking forward to talking to a complete stranger about my social anxiety. I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting this, I guess I just feel better understood here.
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Thanks! I just quit my job because it got so bad. I've been kind of grieving the fact I didn't do as well as I hoped I would. I decided yesterday Im giving myself max 1 week to grieve. By Monday next week im making an appointment. :)
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Hey I've been very much struggling with suicidal thoughts and there's no hotline available in my country. Does anyone know a place I can text? I can't afford to pay international sms fees or anything like that is there a platform I can join? I feel very lost and I'm afraid of what I'm capable. Thank you in advance
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could chat on our app! (https://www.avalo.app) - not a crisis intervention tool but it's anonymous support.
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I've been struggling with this for a couple of years, but didn't really care, I said It's not a big of a deal, I accept myself being socially awkward. But now that I am getting my first job -that relies heavily on my speaking skills (teaching assistant), I am worrying a lot about it, every single day. At first I thought that It's something I can deal with, but now I am feeling quite helpless. I don't know, I just don't seem to express myself well while speaking, words don't flow directly into my head, I find it hard to give examples and to elaborate more, and I always stutter.nnCan anyone help? is there something that can help me improve at this?
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Hey there I'm a teacher and I relate to this 100%! I have both social anxiety and OCD and when I first started my job it felt impossible. Every day I have to put the effort in to help with the anxiety and the skillset needed to do the job well. I've found that setting a realistic goal every day can help build confidence. For example, just this week I set the goal to leave my classroom and talk to 2 other colleagues each day. Sure it sucked, but I'm glad I did it and I'm more confident for the next time I will inevitably have to do it.
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So one of our coworkers last day is tomorrow and my other Coworkers are having a little going away party for him. They invited everyone and it's been planned since last week. It's today in about 30 mins. They've been asking me if I'm going and telling me that I have to go and I tell them that I don't know that I'll think about it. I feel like I want to go but I also feel incapable of going. My presence would not better the experience. In fact I feel like it'd be better if I didn't go cuz they wouldn't have to deal with my awkwardness. nI like them of course. We get along great at work. We laugh. It's them that do most of the talking and I'm always the listener. I rarely contribute to a conversation. That's one of the main reasons I don't wanna go because I have nothing to talk about. I'm a geek I like videogames and computers and anime and stuff. Most of them are grown up adults with families and more mature topics of conversation. nAny advice, reddit?
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It really is. Makes me feel like I can be more confident in the future either with them or with new people. nThanks
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i just had to go to the store for literally two items. what was supposed to be an easy 10 minute trip turned into an hour and a half long. nnthe store is 5 minutes from my house, but when i was going to pull in to the parking lot i noticed the delivery truck was blocking it and i didn't want to wait and hold up traffic so i decided to just keep going because i knew there was another store down the road. nwhen i got to that one, i knew they were open but there was only one car in the parking lot and my brain was telling me “what if they closed early and you try to walk in and people see you and think you look dumb” so i just turned around and tried to go back to the first store. nthis time i passed it again because there was too much oncoming traffic and i didn't want people thinking i was stupid and didn't know how to make a turn and just holding up traffic on my side. nso i went to a third store 10 extra minutes away and the same situation happened where it just wasn't busy but my brain convinced me they closed and i'd look stupid. so i went all the way back to the original store and finally made it in this time and got what i needed. nit's just so frustrating how social anxiety can make you do the dumbest things to avoid people thinking you look dumb or think you're weird. nnTL;DRnnwent to 3 different stores trying to buy only two items and had to turn around or leave because of various “problems” that were really just anxiety making me act stupid.
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I do that too. I think I have some sort of driving anxiety so instead of driving to the store to get toilet paper today I walked 45 minutes through side streets where people wouldn't see me to get there. Good thing people think I have mental problems when I walk by them so they avoid me more than I avoid them but now I'm really tired.
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So, my mom invited a bunch of my relatives and friends for my birthday and I'm very scared about how I'm going to deal with all those people. I get super nervous when there are a lot of people around me and start to sweat. But today I think I'm finally going to pass out as everyone's attention is going to be on me ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ nnWhat should I do? , someone please help!
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Haha, I'm not actually gonna pass out that was just a joke but yeah I don't want her to feel sad by saying to cancel it so I'll try to convince her to end the party early. Also thank you for the wishes :)
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my brother doctor support worker all said it to me. Why? obviously they are full of shit.
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I agree. You could ask them about it. A lot of people can get to the point of hiding their social anxiety in to do their jobs, or even talk. Saying that they are full of shit is not only doing a disservice to them, but also is indirectly putting unnecessary barriers on yourself.
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I wonder if this is just me. I find it much harder to go to crowded spaces in summer where I am forced to wear t-shirts or skirts/shorts due to the heat. When I am wrapped in black jeans and a hoodie I feel much better. I just hate having my body uncovered. I feel like other women especially are staring and laughing at me. This is especially true in places with lots of teenage girls, like shopping malls or cinemas, even though I'm 30. I just feel like they are out to laugh at people like me. Is this really weird...
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Male here. I'd wear a full body cloak with a hood from like Harry Potter or something if I could so you not alone. I like clothing that is loose but covers me. Hoodies too.
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