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XE4ojvfwFjldZ2iAKIZ2mPHhpJcqQ5EI
|
b111tk
|
{
"description": "making my sister cry",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making my sister cry?
|
Note:
I don't speak english very well and this gets me worked up somehow, so there may be some faults.
Also I don't really know how a TLDR for the story should be worded, so any tip would be nice and as soon as I have one, this will be updated.
Backround:
I have this weird issue that when I'm stressed or bored (or sometimes just random) I "have to" either move (doing stuff with my handy works, too) or make noices (singing or humming mostly). I never really remember this being different any in my lifetime.
I can stop myself from doing it, but it makes me highly uncomfortable and nervous, even though I'm an adult now (20 years old). If I'm doing it because of stress, stopping it is very hard and makes me feel like my head will explode.
For some reason, my older sister absolutely **hates** and always has hated me doing it.
She's the favourite child of my mother, so naturally I wasn't allowed to behave like that around the family when I was younger, leading to me frequently getting scolded and punished or my sister mocking me about it until I cry, because I wouldn't stop it. I wasn't an easy kid, so they probably thought I would do it on purpose, just to be mean, never believing me I didn't.
Actual situation:
One or two years ago, my father, both of my sisters and I decided to visit a famous café to eat some cake. I already warned my family it wouldn't be easy for me since I suffer from social anxiety and there would be way to much people for me.
When we sat down, I got really nervous and started humming. Knowing that this is the thing my sister hates the most, I stopped myself from doing it and started moving my hands. She got angry about it anyways. I thought it was because it's so easily visible, so I started moving my feet instead. She got even more angry and scolded me (a bit weird since we're both adults, but I guess it's just learned behaviour, so I don't mind). My dad sided with her (obviously) and both were getting mad, so I tried holding it back. I told them I couldn‘t really stop it, but they didn't believed me and refused my propose to just leave (as there was only this opportunity to eat there). Pressure started rising, I got extremly anxious and started crying, so I decided to stop surpressing it. That stressed my sister somehow and she got so angry that she started crying then while I slowly calmed down. She calmed down later.
At the moment I was just relieved that I could follow my way (and somehow proud that I stood up for myself), since nobody could punish me for it anymore and I didn't have to get a panic attack or something and didn't even thought about her side, but afterwards I felt bad for it. I mean, I just could have gone to the bathroom and hide myself while anxiety kicks in or smth, then I wouldn't have ruined their day. And making your sister cry should in no way something that should make you feel relieved, still less proud. So AITA for making her cry and (in that moment) not even being sad about it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
UcjdWOxULIVt6yctN0TQk5ogrmz00xK2
|
ac5mw2
|
{
"description": "letting my dog pee on some guys car tire",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for letting my dog pee on some guys car tire?
|
walking my dog this morning around 5:30 am after a heavy snowfall and yeah, i'm listening to a podcast and my greyhound quickly lifts his leg on the tire of a big truck, apparently the owner of said truck is the guy shoveling his driveway across the street and he yells at me and says if he sees me around his street again he's going to send the cops to my apartment...am i the asshole? car tires are literally touching the ground all the time and i'm not sure this is a get the police involved kind of situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
g2iKNKY8OQMtL5NGgHwnWE67n9hpCOz9
|
b652oa
|
{
"description": "being involved in my friend becoming homeless",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being involved in my friend becoming homeless?
|
I work for the government in housing. Part of my job is going over applications for housing subsidies and government housing rentals as well as following up, checking status of applications, outstanding accounts, etc. Along with a slew of other employees, I make decisions whether an applicant can get subsidized housing or can continue to get it. There is *not much* leeway you can give but there is *some*. Why part of the process can be subjective I don't know, I just do my job.
My friend, single mother of two, is on subsidized housing. Her application came under review months ago and as luck would have it, it was my job to review it. Standard procedure is to recuse ourselves if a personal bias can appear, and I did so, but not before I took a look at her file first.
She was in arrears several months and the most recent inspection showed poor maintenance/upkeep of the property on her end. All signs pointed to possible eviction, but I had to recuse myself and handed it off to my superior who I guess delegated it to someone else. I don't know who.
She ended up being evicted and now lives in a shelter. I thought everything would be alright in the end but my friend made no attempt to solve her living arrangements issues. She insisted on "fighting" the eviction, ultimately doing nothing and hoping a miracle would happen. The government doesn't work this way.
We went out for coffee recently and through our conversation I let slip I saw her file and was going to work on it until I had to step aside and let someone else take over. She exploded at me, saying I was directly responsible for her living in a shelter. She said I had no heart to let two kids go homeless but I explained to her there was literally nothing I could have done. She claims I could have got a stay of eviction or something but I couldn't have.
I feel like a shitty person but I don't know if it's just being empathetic or I really was an asshole. She made it sound like my job is to purposefully "ruin lives".
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ydSe9583FNekFaP95p2RRZkJLAjJHjGV
|
ahqpow
|
{
"description": "always calling high schoolers out for PDA's",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
Aita I always call high schoolers out for PDA's (public displays of affection)
|
I go to a highschool that's pretty ghetto and everyday after school ends, I go on my way to practice. And on my way there I always see 2-3 couples making out, I always kinda call them out for it making them feel akward because that's what they do to other people, I usually do this as a joke thought
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
57yeMPE6yRBkmEWIvDkdCwZjlApROchL
|
aafau6
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to my husbands paternal father's house ever again",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to my husbands paternal father’s house ever again?
|
My husband and I have been together for 14 years and have 3 children together, ages 8, 2, and 1. This is important info for the rest of my post.
When we were planning our wedding (10 years ago), his Father and Stepmom completely ghosted us on arrangements for the wedding. We weren’t demanding anything from them at all and expressed this several times, but they refused to communicate with us whatsoever and it caused a strain on our wedding planning and relationship. My husband made so many excuses for his Dad and I was so frustrated and baffled as to why they couldn’t just have a conversation with us. At the wedding, they came and left early without even saying goodbye.
Since then I’ve had several awkward things happen at their home, which is an hour away from where we live. The first Christmas after our 8 year old was born, I asked his stepmom if there was a room that I could breastfeed in. She directed me to their office. I went in there and there were 3, used and open, cat litter boxes in a very small room. I should mention that they are animal hoarders. They have 8 dogs and I don’t even know how many cats. All indoor animals. I don’t care if people love animals, but this seems excessive.
When I was 8 months pregnant with our 2 year old, their dog walked up to me in the living room and pissed on my leg and foot. They never apologized or acted like they were even surprised. I was mortified.
We’ve also had several birthday parties for our children where they’ve shown up an hour or later and just act like everything is fine. They didn’t even come to our 2 year olds 1st birthday and no explanation was ever given to us. They did this to my 8 year also. I know that they come to our city every once and awhile for shopping, business, or to visit their other children who live by but they never reach out to my husband and ask to visit or be involved in our children’s lives.
This past Christmas I reached my breaking point. His stepmom text messaged us both about a week before and told (not asked) us that we needed to bring one of three side dishes. Ok fine, we’re only driving an hour to your house where you insist on hosting each year, but by all means we’ll bring a side dish. We get there and have to walk through their garage (where they chain smoke and use as the only entrance into their house) with our three kiddos. As soon as I walked in, I got an instant migraine from the smell. It was a combination of cigarettes, wet dog, cat pee and mold.
The longer we were there, the more freaked out I became. There was mold on Christmas decorations, cat poop on the bathroom floors, cat piss on all the furniture. All on arms reach of our 2 and 1 year olds. I literally broke out in hives. My husbands step sister had to leave early to take her children to their fathers and I used that as an opportunity to leave also. When we got home my husband was extremely upset. I had told him earlier in the day I wasn’t feeling well and to watch the little ones around the cat poop and moldy ornaments so he knew I wanted to leave. After we calmed down he said he understood if I didn’t want to go to their house anymore.
I’m ok with not going there anymore, but I still feel bad. I don’t feel bad for not going, I feel bad for my husband because it seems so one sided. It’s like they don’t want anything to do with us yet we’re somehow obligated to be involved. I just associate them with filth and not caring to communicate because that’s how they’ve always come across...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
2tUwe5TaYZXVK2pmGtFH1U61dUOPOBOu
|
al3pg3
|
{
"description": "reporting my parents to the IRS for evading theri taxes for 8yrs",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA IF I REPORTED MY PARENTS TO THE IRS FOR EVADING THERI TAXES FOR 8yrs?
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ajcxnb/usa_al_im_pretty_sure_my_parents_have_been/?st=JRAZ3YS8&sh=bc409706
I posted this in r/legaladvice about a week ago but wanted to post here too because I’m having a moral dilemma.
Since this post I’ve talked to my mom in an attempt to work things out but she just shifts the blame to me saying that I’m an “irresponsible adult” (even though I’m not the one committing a FELONY! Smh). Insisting that there isn’t anything that she can do to help me and that “she can’t just pay the government back”.
So would I be the asshole if I reported them to the IRS?
TL;DR: My parents have been evading their taxes for eight years and it’s effecting my eligibility for FAFSA. They’re not willing to do anything to help.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
vddpcPMTlJ5evvTuCN1l1KSDmP93NovN
|
auo8ym
|
{
"description": "not apologizing my girlfriend for possibly infecting her with mononucleosis",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not apologizing my girlfriend for possibly infecting her with mononucleosis?
|
As in title, my girlfriend might be infected with mononucleosis (she will test for it tomorrow) and she is currently mad at me at infecting her. I was never diagnosed for mononucleosis, so I am not even sure if I've ever had it and I wasn't sick at all in the last few months. She is convinced that I am responsible for it, even though kissing is not the only way to pass the virus. I really do feel sorry for her being sick, wasting time and money for doctors and missing lectures at uni and family events, but I don't think I should apologize for something beyond my control and for something I may not be responsible for. Reddit, am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
6rWevSBdX0JPNEDyFWLayBToFVmfbK0n
|
b94ty8
|
{
"description": "getting upset with my friend for using my laptop",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my friend for using my laptop?
|
So I was up in a study room and a friend came to join me. We chatted for a bit and I was using my laptop to look over some notes. I mentioned I wanted to go grab coffee and a snack and asked if he wanted something. I closed my laptop’s lid and left to grab something.
When I came back, he was on my laptop and when he saw me coming back he quickly shut the lid and acted like he wasn’t doing anything. I got really upset because I have some personal shit on my computer. He started to call me out for what I *do* have on my computer, and I have a note on it that is more or less dedicated to this friend and was a big rant about what I didn’t like about him (he is an ex boyfriend and I wrote the note prior to our breakup, but left it alone— we ended on good terms). I got even more upset because I didn’t want anyone, even him, to read this note as it was just a rant. He KNOWS I’m paranoid about everything and don’t trust even my best friends with my phone or laptop, and I never gave him permission to use it, nor did he ask prior.
So we got into an argument about the stuff I wrote in my note and I kept trying to defend myself saying that he shouldn’t have gone through my computer and went as far as to actually open up my notes and other things and that it was disrespectful on his end to snoop.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
oHkXurHYFUHSO4A5Qqogvb2De49En4pv
|
b06yaj
|
{
"description": "being sexually frustrated",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being sexually frustrated?
|
Okay so I (M21) have been with my girlfriend (20) for a year now. When we first started having sex it was pretty good, better than any sexual experiences I've had before. That lasted a few months, tops.
Eventually I started noticing that I am the only one who ever initiates sex (except for one time, which I feel kind of petty for counting). I asked her about it and she told me she essentially has no sex drive.
I was kind of hurt. That went against everything she had told me about herself. She told me before we started having sex that it was her favorite thing, that she had a really high sex drive and that it was a problem for her when she was in high school.
She reassures me that it isn't my fault, every time she brings it up, but idk. I've started getting in my head about it and now I can't last for more than 3 seconds when I'm inside her (making our sex even worse and putting me further into my head). When I think of sex now I just get frustrated instead of excited.
Though talking with her I now know that her last bfs dick "fit her better" with it's upward curve and made her cum everytime. I never make her cum through penetration and rarely can through fingering. She used to get so wet there would be a puddle under her on the bed. With me she's so dry we almost always need lube. We can go months without having sex, if I never initiated we'd never have it again. I also know that her first few sexual experiences she was more or less forced into, and she's mentioned that that was when she was most turned on even though she didn't want to be.
I know she isn't cheating. And she will suck my dick or have sex with me whenever I ask or initiate, but I know she doesn't like it and can't get out of my head.
A few weeks ago I was trying to finger her to orgasm before we had sex and it wasn't doing anything for her. She started going down on me and I couldn't get it up. She asked me if something was wrong and I told her that sex with her makes me want to bang my head against the wall. I keep trying and trying but it doesn't get any better. She started crying immediately. I love her so much and making her cry broke my heart. I know I should have handled it better, but does that make me the asshole? And what can we do??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ixppEErMNuYWrG2XggZBU0ywpTkz5d26
|
aovfxc
|
{
"description": "not making my partner use protection",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not making my partner use protection?
|
My partner is not experienced at all and is very insecure about it. I also think he generally doesn't know how to be safe given his incredibly conservative background. I decided that I was fine not using condoms with him because a) I have an IUD, b) I know I'm clean, and c) I'm his first/only. He kind of blindly went for it without asking me any questions about my birth control or history or STD status, which makes me think he doesn't understand why these factors are important. We also haven't had the "Are we exclusive?" conversation, however I'm not sleeping with anyone else and I am confident he isn't either. Again, I really don't think he understands why this is relevant.
​
I feel like a huge asshole because, as the experienced one, I should be instilling these good habits on him. That being said, I don't think there's a good way to have this conversation as it essentially boils down to either "I've been a huge hoe and might unintentionally give you a disease" or "You should get used to wearing a condom for when we break up." Plus, because he's so insecure, I think he'll feel shitty because it's more stuff he doesn't know. I absolutely should have this conversation with him but I don't want to feel bad for making him feel bad.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
6rHwVJ64ELl07wcJNHBJjWJCXX6cwbXh
|
axfpng
|
{
"description": "being impatient",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being impatient
|
With my bf.
Disclosure, we haven't been together all that long in the grand scheme, but if soulmates existed he'd be mine. We both have our issues of course, and he's juggling things I can't ever fully appreciate.
He's an amazing guy, but I can't help wanting him to get on with his hang-ups. They're mostly financial and I've offered to help, but he's an honorable, strong- willed man and refuses to accept.
To be clear, even though his hang-ups are financial, they only affect me emotionally. He pulls his weight in every regard. I just can't get passed the way it ties him to parts of his life I wish were more in the background.
Granted, without many details it's probably hard to determine. But is less than a year enough time to wait for things I feel like he should've at least started to deal with before we got together? Or am I just being an impatient, self-centered asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
2ChnYfhbJgVVtcAt1cjhmHtCpxoACny1
|
axd3w3
| null |
AITA 30th bday
|
My wife and I have been together for roughly 10 years (dating/marriage). I have told her throughout the course of our relationship I don't really like being the center of attention. We've been to several people's surprise birthday parties. I always express to her later how I would never want one since I would have to feign enjoyment about being surprised. She agrees and says she would never do that because she knows I wouldn't like it. 30th birthday approaching she told me that she was planning on a birthday vacation for us, but wouldn't tell me where. I was fine with it assuming she stayed on budget idc where we go. Several months later, we arrive in Vegas and are surprised by a couple friend of ours also showing up as a surprise. OK fine we enjoy hanging out with them surprise over. Several hours later walking through hotel lobby. Surprise half of my family is there. Am I the asshole for being upset?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zL8CzG8NZTLmsHn2oiByMamn9Lva98yp
|
b2x3uj
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be around my grandpa's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be around my grandpa's girlfriend?
|
In December of 2017, my maternal grandmother passed away. I was very close to her. My mom was devastated as well, and so was my dad. My parents told me a month later that they were getting a divorce, and despite being in my twenties, this damaged me severely, adding to my depression. About a year ago, my mom disclosed that my grandfather had a girlfriend. Apparently, he started dating her about six months after my grandmother's death. They had been married for fifty-one years.
I understand that he's not used to being alone, and I understand that he wants to continue to have a life. I understand that this may be best for him, and that's fine. But I don't want to hear about or see him doing as disrespectful to my grandmother. He visited my parents a few months ago, and when I visited, he was on the phone with his girlfriend and wanted to introduce me to her. He didn't ask me how I felt about it, how I felt about the pictures he kept showing me of her. He didn't ask me how I felt about the fact that she's just four years older than my mom. It made me want to claw my way out of my skin. He didn't ask me how I felt about the fact that this woman was friends with my grandmother, that my grandmother trusted her.
I love my grandfather, but seeing this is so painful for me and I don't want to be around it, or her. AITA for feeling this way? Would I be an asshole for asking him to change the topic and not attempt to introduce me to her, as I'm not comfortable with it? What do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
KRfYr9TMR0UWnbxTRnqwfkH6XDdRRJFr
|
ar39lt
|
{
"description": "telling my friend I don't like her mediocre fiance? WIBTA if I don't",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA if I tell my friend I don't like her mediocre fiance? WIBTA if I don't?
|
A good friend of mine recently got engaged, and my friend group is collectively bummed out about it. They’ve been dating for 2 years, and have been living together for 5 months. I know the time to have said something was a long time ago, but nobody thought it would last.
Her fiancé, “Mark,” (30M) isn’t awful but there’s little to like about him. He’s not particularly kind, interesting, or fun—just an all-around very “blah” guy. His friends do suck though (basically overgrown frat bros, homophobic) which is a bad sign for sure. The main reason why we really don’t like him is because my friend, “Ann” (25F) has changed so much in the time they’ve been together. In the 11 years that I’ve known her, Ann has always been a complete goofball in a really sweet way—very bubbly, loves to go out, with a really fun sense of humor. In the last two years she’s dimmed her light so much, much more than can just be attributed to “growing up” or whatever.
I think they’re both settling for each other. Mark is worried that his window for getting married is closing, and wants to keep up with his married friends. At their engagement party last weekend (which he invited all her family and friends to before he proposed!) he said he “wants a baby by 31.” I think Ann is worried that she’s going to be in that position in 5 years, and has always struggled with self-esteem. I think she doesn’t think she can do better, which makes me really fucking sad. Their dynamic is just kind of awkward. This is her first real relationship ever. The first time she ever moved out of her parents’ house was to move into the suburbs with Mark even though she had hesitations because “she had to take where he was at in life” into account. At that point my other friend and I expressed concern that things were moving pretty fast, but she deflected all of it.
With all of that said, I see these as my options:
1. Tell her that I support her decision either way but I’m worried she’s rushing into things because that’s what he wants, that she hasn’t seemed herself lately, and that I want to make sure she’s happy. Knowing her and knowing that has brushed off similar conversations in the past, I don’t see that doing much other than adding unnecessary tension to their inevitable wedding. If it were me I’d want her to say something, but I’m not sure she does at this point.
2. Don’t say anything, probably stand in their wedding, and watch my lovely friend get married to someone she doesn’t really love because she’s afraid of being alone. The way that will pan out is very likely that they’ll realize they’re unhappy in a year or two, try to have a kid to solve save their marriage, and still end up unhappy. And then she’ll find out (deep down I think she already knows) that none of her friends or family ever liked him.
I want to be a good friend here, and I’m having trouble figuring out a balance between being supportive and being honest. So am AITA if I say something, or AITA if I don’t?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
KhomLAvftKnEEIEjjceUwaiNwEDSIPvv
|
9w539i
|
{
"description": "snapping at and reporting a medical transport driver for listening to a graphic audiobook with clients in the car",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for snapping at and reporting a medical transport driver for listening to a graphic audiobook with clients in the car?
|
I should probably start this off by stating that I have PTSD from abuse. Over the years, this has gradually turned into conversion disorder, where my mind dissociates and I go into a non-epileptic convulsive seizure. Because of the seizures, I cannot drive, and so I rely on a non-emergency medical transport service to get to/from appointments so that my family isn’t stuck playing taxi. This particular company took over the old one a few years ago. I thought the old one was bad, it really was terrible, but this new company has turned me off to the point I am no longer using them and I’m just taking the bus instead.
So this past Thursday, the driver pulls up in a van with another client in the passenger. The door behind him opened and as I got in, I heard an audiobook playing and thought it was odd since most drivers just play music, but it’s whatever, to each their own. I get in the car, sign the log sheet, and we pull away from my house.
I’m not paying much attention to the audiobook at first, since I had a lot on my mind and was trying to relax before my group therapy session. It wasn’t until we were halfway through my neighborhood that things from the audiobook started to catch in my ear, in the “did I really just hear that?” kind of way. I started to pay attention right as the narrator describes a scene where the man is abusing a black woman with a cheese grater, grabbing her by the hair and dragging her while a male narrator starts calling her a bitch and a N***** while he abuses her.
I don’t feel Triggered easily. I rarely heed trigger warnings because most stuff is relatively tame to me. But something about this, especially hearing a man’s voice saying those horrible things in a very violent, angry voice triggered me so bad that I was shaking and felt sick to my stomach. This was all before we even left my neighborhood, I had only been in the car less than five minutes and I could not sit in that car listening to that all the way across the other side of my city.
I snapped and said, “what the FUCK are we listening to?”
He grabbed the audiobook case and handed it back to be and said, “it’s a novel”.
I handed it back to him and said it’s extremely offensive and he needs to turn it off. He looked upset and shook his head but said okay then and turned it off. He then tried to explain the premise of the novel to me, but I said I didn’t care, there are things that are inappropriate to listen to when you have clients in your car. He shook his head again but not another word was said. Not even the guy in the passenger seat said anything.
As soon as I got out the car, I called the company to report him. I was shaking so bad that the operator asked if I was okay, and I said no. She asked what happened and as I told her she kept exclaiming, “oh my god!” Didn’t help that she was a black woman. She transferred me to a manager, another black woman, who reacted the same as she took down an official report. They said they’ll contact me with an update when they have one.
The longer I have thought about it, the more I’m worried that I may have overreacted and possibly took away a man’s livelihood because I felt triggered. I still think it was wrong to listen to that in the car, I’m just not sure I handled it correctly.
AITA? :(
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
prq5AoBfXcYBWZwRHxQSowMpjnbD4oNo
|
ba2bvd
|
{
"description": "declining a rental with 5 kids",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for declining a rental with 5 kids?
|
So I have a static caravan on a holiday resort in the UK. I don't think the USA has quite the same concept, but to give some idea of value, the van cost me £55,000 and I pay £4,000/year site fees to keep it housed at the resort. To pay these fees, I rent it out in the school holidays at around £600-700 week.
​
I have it listed on a site that's kinda like Air BnB but only for people looking for a caravan holiday in the UK. The caravan has 2 bedrooms 2 bathrooms. Those bedrooms house 1 kingsize bed, and 2 single beds. It does have a pullout sofa in the lounge, so technically the legal occupancy for the fire code is 6 people max. I have decked it out nicely, it has two 40" TVs, it has a PS4, loads of games, ridiculous amount of gadgets in the kitchen etc. etc.
​
Sorry for the waffle but I think it sets the background. I got an enquiry this week for a date that is unbooked. When people enquire they have to fill in their party details (number of adults/children and ages etc). This person enquired for 1 adult, 5 children. The children ranging from 2 years old to 12 years old. So young children, not older teens. I told my gf I was going to decline the booking because I honestly don't think that the caravan is suitable for 5 young children. I clean it myself every week and I only have a 4 hour window to clean before the next person goes in and I've found that the more children people have, the messier it is even if the parents try to clean really well (note: I don't charge a cleaning fee of any kind). I also think there's more chance of things breaking, especially with 1 adult to supervise 5 young children and I don't take a security deposit so breakages come out of my pocket.
​
My gf says I am an asshole for judging this adult for having 5 kids with her and am stopping 5 children from going on holiday and that life is hard as a single parent and I'm making it harder. My argument is that this is my personal place that I rent out 10 weeks of the year, I can be choosey about the bookings because I am always full for those 10 weeks and I want to minimize the chance of any problems. I don't allow people with dogs for the same reason. Not a personal judgement, just a personal preference in my property. I often take bookings which have 2 or 3 kids, I don't hate children, but 5 kids 1 adult just isn't a ratio I'm comfortable renting to especially in such a small space. She is very angry and wants me to accept the booking. I understand her POV but I view it as an unnecessary risk.
​
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
5ZRvZ6jMkiCN6FaoMc8tZHrq973mqqWg
|
aqrv74
|
{
"description": "not paying for a first date",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA- for not paying for a first date?
|
I recently met a girl through an audio engineering school that we both attend. She was smart and cute and totally my type. I invited her over for a party that I was having and she ended up spending the night in my bed with me. We decided that we should go out on a date to get to know each other better, which ended up being a really great date that I thought we both enjoyed and even ended with a passionate kiss. Shortly after she stopped responding to my messages and I found from my friends at school that she was upset that I didn't pay for her dinner. It was never explicitly stated or even implied that I would pay for her meal and she was the one that suggested that we go on a date, so it wasn't even me asking her out. I don't feel like I should be expected to pay for a date, especially since were both broke college students. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
fRANkhr1bHfBqQJrZZz0yWME6jA1o55r
|
ay34rj
| null |
AITA a friend of mine that that is a girl wants to be more than just friends
|
Some backstory:
There is a girl that is slightly mentally challenged, a really kind person and i enjoy spending time with her both cause it feels good when i know that she is happy and she has her moments and can be really funny from time to time
​
so last summer did she ask if i wanted to join her and 2 other of her friends to go to a fair 30 minutes from home and i agreed and i offered to drive there cause I really disslike buses and she accepted and thanked me.
​
When the day arrived did i get into my car, picked all of them up at their homes and drove to the fair with them. we were walking around for a while and she just kept hugging me and being almost cringeworthily flirtatious towards me but i just shrugged it off cause i am not interested in having a close relationship with her. But suddenly when i least expected it did she just go in for a kiss and i wasn't having it so I gently pushed her away gently and played like nothing happened and she didn't take any offense but i wasn't going to just go on with it.
Luckily did i meet my cousin less than a minute after the incident and i just ran over to him and hid from her cause i didn't want do deal with her atempts anymore and i just left all of them there so they had to take the buss home after the fair.
​
and sorry if my spelling and grammar isn't on point, english isn't my first language.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ZTrbLzuQrjZNurt7CIsUx8Zm2E6MC7U1
|
b0e0tz
|
{
"description": "roasting teen girls in Goodwill",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for roasting teen girls in Goodwill?
|
I was in Goodwill today and there were these two teen girls, they looked to be 15-17 and probably sisters. So there I was, minding my own business, when these two little girls start LOUDLY talking shit about my appearance. They actually said I looked homeless and questioned why anyone would choose to dress like me. I do kind of embrace the grungy, bohemianesque aesthetic, so valid on the first part, but still, RUDE.
At first I ignored them and moved to another part of the store. The way the store is designed is that the women's clothing section is near the books and they were in the women's section when I wandered back over to peruse the books. Again, they start talking all of that shit and by this point I had had enough. So I approached them.
Me: Excuse me, did y'all have something you wanted to say to me?
They looked like deer in the headlights and claimed they didn't know what I was talking about.
Me: So I must have been hallucinating when I heard yall laughing about me being homeless???
The younger one muttered that I'm a crackhead and I went off. I started roasting them, saying they dressed like my mom in the 90's and it wasn't cool even back then, with their Steve Urkel looking selves. They got big mad and the mouthy younger one was like wE'Re fIfTeEn. It was becoming this whole thing and attracting attention, so I left.
I think this was a great lesson for them. Some people are batshit insane and you can't be carrying all of that negative energy around in public, or someone will check you and while most people would let the behavior pass because they're FiFtEeEn, not everyone will and they're lucky it was just harmless me and not some psycho who would have put the beats on em.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 14,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 17
}
|
RIGHT
|
TSOorJ8aZawUYRqHfkwa1X1npoqoSIFU
|
9wzmtq
|
{
"description": "hitting someones car in the drive thru on purpose",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 25
}
|
AITA For hitting someones car in the drive thru on purpose?
|
Ok, so I was trying to make a dash to McDonalds to grab some food before a show came on. I jumped in the car without even putting on my shoes and headed down the street. There is a McDonalds that has a shared parking lot with a grocery store. If you go in from the street side you have to drive around the back of the McDonalds to get to the drive thru line. But if you come from the grocery store side you can pull up directly to the spot to order AS LONG AS THERE ISN'T A LINE ALREADY. In which case you'd also have to drive around the McDonalds.
So as I came from behind the McDonalds I'm driving thru the lane and coming to the last corner right before where you place your order. As I pull up a car shoots in from the grocery store side and cuts me off and pulls directly into the drive thru line ahead of me. I LET THIS GUY GO, I felt like he was a dick, but he beat me there, no big deal. But now I'm stopped at that corner bc he's now stopped on the other side of it. And this is where it gets weird. Because after that car another car pulls in with a couple of women in it (I only know this bc of the result, I didn't know who was in the car at the time). This car pulls directly up to the line as well except now it's full of cars. This car lines up directly in front of me as if they plan on cutting me off as well. At this point I don't even know what to think bc I have no idea why they thought this was gonna be ok. So I immediately pulled closer to the car ahead of me, but because of the corner there was a gap on the right side (because the turn is to the left). The other car pulls up closer too as if we have entered into some amazingly slow ass game of chicken. And I pull up literally about 3-6 inches, she pulls up a little. I pull up, she pulls up. And now are cars are at a point that's so close that I can't believe we haven't already touched. I moved up one last time just to show that I'm not gonna back down and she inched up again as well. And honestly at this point I kinda said fuck it. The spot on my right front fender had a mild scrape on it from a pole I had scraped a few months before this. I just put the car in gear and hit her as hard as I could in 3 inches, which honestly did NOTHING to my car but tore hers up pretty good. She jumps out of the car livid. Screaming at me "look what you did!". And I just looked at her and said "You did that!". Then she says "I have a witness!!!". And I tell her "lady, look where my car is, I'm IN THE LANE! You are not. Who do you think they'll side with?" Then she said she was going to call the cops. Which I had to say "thanks, because i didn't even bring shoes, let alone my phone".
The lady got back in her car and took off. A couple of people from McDonalds came outside after she took off asking if I wanted to call the cops (and saying "That was friggin awesome!") I asked them to. When the cop got there he took down the information but they never found her. The cop actually said because it happened on private property fault would have been 50/50. But because she drove off she would end up being found at fault (but that never happened).
So am I the asshole for hitting her car?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 15,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 25
}
|
WRONG
|
tjmf6vKFgS4IPz9ukyrSVVmxz61CvavI
|
b9eyho
|
{
"description": "not wanting my girl to have buccal fat removal surgery",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for not wanting my girl to have buccal fat removal surgery. (Face surgery)
|
So my girlfriend(24) of 2 years randomly ask me if i was ok with her going to Peru( surgery is cheap) to remove her cheek fat. She’s a very pretty girl ,skinny, with chubby face cheeks. I think it’s cute. She always lingered around with the idea, but I never took her seriously till she ask for my opinion in a very serious tone. I told her that I had to think about it in an unenthusiastic way. I know it’s not my place to tell her what she can and cannot do but I feel like she’s perfect the way she is. WIBTA if I told her no.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 20,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
EZ4UtZmmZSu5l3XUi85VCGl71iT2t3pZ
|
b05lae
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend about my ex-girlfriends depression",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend about my ex-girlfriends depression?
|
So my ex was texting me saying she was “curious” about how much I told my girlfriend about our break up. I told her that I told my girlfriend we broke up because of the long distance and her extremely severe depression. She got really pissed off saying it was wrong for me to tell her that (my ex is much healthier now btw).
She says “I have never shared such private information about you and never would. It's just no one else's business and does not have any place in a conversation with someone other than you”
And that’s fair enough, honestly. But my girlfriend directly asked me how we broke up, and my ex and I were together for 2 years and I didn’t want to lie. It’s just as much my break up as it was hers and the break up really impacted me, triggering me into a severe depression of my own at that point of my life. I told my girlfriend about the break up from my perspective, it wasn’t just me gossiping about my ex, ya know?
Anyway I apologized to her because we’re still friends and I’m trying to keep it that way but I don’t feel I’m in the wrong here...AITA???
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ertngEjFqulVpFdGAOh7H8nD9dPamPcJ
|
apcskx
|
{
"description": "thinking nobody cares about my engagement",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking nobody cares about my engagement?
|
For some backstory - me (26F) and my fiancé (24M) have been together for 5 years. We live about 2 hours away from both of our parents, and have lived together for 4 years. My family loves him, and (I assume) his family loves me.
My brother (24M) is in the Air Force, stationed on the other sides of the country. Him and his now fiancé (21F) have been together for 6 years.
My fiancé has been planning to propose to me since before Thanksgiving. Had the ring, got about 12 of our friends involved in the planning. He picked the perfect time and place, and proposed this past weekend.
My brother came home for Christmas and quickly announced that he was proposing to his girlfriend. My now fiancé didn’t want to steal his moment, so he didn’t mention the fact that he was planning on proposing to me.
Since each of us have been engaged, my mom, dad, and step dad have posted really sweet messages on social media talking about how excited they are for my brother and future sister in law. So far, neither me or my fiancé have been mentioned.
AITA for thinking that my family doesn’t care that I’m getting married?
TL;DR - I get engaged, nobody in my family seems to care/post on social media. Brother gets engaged, everybody bends over backwards to make sure they mention his engagement.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 5,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
aDws4wC5rHI63eIn5Uuxn7TBQupwpYdU
|
af4kwt
|
{
"description": "not telling a girl my condom fell off during sex, then finishing on her back",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not telling a girl my condom fell off during sex, then finishing on her back?
|
Obviously nsfw. I am having sex with a woman I have been seeing for maybe four months, and while I am fucking her doggystyle my condom tears and falls off as I'm thrusting. I do not have a spare. I notice, but keep in mind this is near the very end of the sex, she is in middle of her own orgasm and I am on the edge. I mean like maybe five or so more thrusts and im out.
When im finished, I resolve to just pull out, at which point I climax on her ass and back. She feels it, then accuses me of taking it off, despite the condom being torn and visible to both of us.
She says im scummy for this. Am I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
EmRB3kky77uXgdRLFgSc0XoGrc5TEryz
|
a4qjd7
|
{
"description": "thinking that I'm too old for a babysitter",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for thinking that I'm too old for a babysitter?
|
I'm twelve, and in seventh grade. My parents are going on a full weekend trip next weekend and they told me they're going to find someone to come both nights when they're gone to "make sure everything's okay." The worst part is it's always a high schooler, as if there's any difference between 12 and like 17.
I told them I can be fine by myself, and that I refuse to have a babysitter under any circumstance. My parents say I'm "ruining" their trip and "making it very hard for them." Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
HCqDZq8D8Oc58mDpNnhWJXxjAACWeHv3
|
b1i0tc
|
{
"description": "saying sorry you feel that way",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying sorry you feel that way...
|
Background: my husband has severe depression. I know this. He is not doing well much of the time.
1. I asked him "how are you doing?" over text.
2. He responded that he was "eh"
3. I said "I'm sorry that you are feeling bad"
4. he said "why do you always do that?"
He claims that I should have known that he was depressed.
And I do know that. I've known that for years.
His feeling "eh" rather than completely miserable was a _good thing_.
An improvement that should have been hailed as good rather than something to be sorry about. He felt like I was judging him, and even attacking him.
He went on to say "I'm sorry I can't be perfect like you."
I simply repeated that I didn't understand why he was upset, that I was only expressing sympathy.
The next day I apologized for stepping on his toes.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
jQrDvr4JbXAjRQuEc1N8XKHsUp4vgTtz
|
ap1g9y
|
{
"description": "believing a customer's ID was fake mostly because she was awkward",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for believing a customer's ID was fake mostly because she was awkward?
|
I work at a liquor store and have done so for a year and a half. In the time I've worked here I've never had an ID that I thought was fake. I know fake IDs are an issue for stores and bars, so I pay attention to that, but never really got a suspicious case. Until tonight...
It was probably half an hour til closing time when this girl comes in. I'm gonna call her Tina. You'll see why in a minute. Now, for the record we are a small local business, and quite understaffed so even though it was a busy Saturday night, it was only me and one of my coworkers tonight. At the moment he was in the cooler and it was just me up front and a decent amount of customers in the store, so I have to kinda stay up front and watch the scene. We've been getting shoplifted a lot lately.
Anyway, Tina comes in. She's an average looking young girl, blonde hair and glasses. Definitely young. Could pass for as young as 16 if not younger. She comes up and tells me "I want wine," in a very awkward kind of monotone. I tell her "Well, we don't have wine behind the counter, just pints of booze. Our wine is either in all the wine racks in the middle of the store or on the shelf over there." Tina doesn't even turn around and look. Her hands are in her pocket and she tells me "I want Barefoot." I tell her "Our Barefoot stuff is in the wall over there." Normally a customer would go over and find what they want, especially someone who's not super old or physically handicapped. She tells me "Can you get me a Barefoot." As if Barefoot just comes in one variety and size. I'm a little annoyed, but whatever. Customer service... I leave the counter and walk over to the wine shelf. I expect Tina to follow me, you know, and look at the selection of Barefoot. She doesn't. She just stands there, hands in her pocket. I tell her in a slightly passive aggressive way, "Are you gonna come look at the selection?" She looks over and goes "Oh." Turns around and walks towards me and goes "I want the big white one." So I grab a large bottle of moscato and bring it to the counter.
I scan the bottle, read her total and ask for her ID. She pulls out her driver's licence. My state (Minnesota) recently updated their licences last summer or early fall, and its one of the newer ones. Because this particular customer was a little off in the way she was speaking to me and acting, I inspect her ID closer than I would most. Her DOB says late February 1995. It was currently the 9th. This would make her 23 going on 24. The licence issue date said she got it in mid January 2019. All fine and dandy, but then I read the expiration date.... mid January 2020. Now, I've checked IDs from all kinds of states, and I've never seen a driver's licence that expires a year after its issued, even the new MN IDs. I also check the back and it says she has no driving restrictions, despite wearing glasses which should be listed as "corrective lenses." Nothing definitive but certainly fishy to me. By this point my coworker came out from the cooler and was on his til next to mine. I go over to him and tell him I'm a bit suspicious but ask for his opinion, as he's 5 years older than me and has worked here for a year longer. He tells me that its my judgement call. I decide to go with my gut.
I tell Tina that frankly, I am suspicious of her ID, and I am gonna refuse to serve her. She then tells me, again, in a very off putting monotonish voice. "What? But I'm 25!" now I am for sure calling her bluff. I tell her "Umm I was born in '94 and I'm not even 25 yet. Your ID says you were born in '95." She then says "Oh... I'm 24!" at this point I'm about to burst out laughing, but I'm mostly annoyed that this girl really thinks I'm that stupid. I tell her "You wouldn't even be 24 yet as we haven't reached your supposed birthday. Now I KNOW this is a fake. Sorry, not serving you." Mind you this whole time I am still holding her ID. "You don't believe its real? Then call the police!" Her tone of voice and demeanor really lead me to believe she was a teenager faking it, aside from you know... getting her alleged age wrong TWICE!
At this point I was like "Okay. Fine, I'll call the police. If they tell me its real, I'll serve you. But until then, I don't believe you." I didn't really plan to call the cops, but I was calling her bluff. I continued to ring up the next customers in line. "Call the police." She insisted. Suddenly, a cop actually pulls in to our drive in parking spot. This cop is actually a regular who sometimes parks in front of our store and does paper work. He knows we've been jacked a lot lately, so he does it as a courtesy to help curb thieves. He was here this afternoon and by luck just happened to pull up. I tell her "Okay. I'm gonna go ask this cop." I go outside with her ID and tell him the situation. He's like "Yea. No it sounds weird. But I'll look into it... gimme a moment, okay?" I go back inside and continue ringing people up while Tina awkwardly stands there. She mentions that she's gonna get an Uber. I don't care what she does, all I know is unless the cop verifies its real, I'm not serving her. At one point she asks my coworker "Why don't you believe I'm over 21!" and he flat out states "Because you gave your age wrong twice." which had me chuckling lol.
By the end of it, the cop came in and told me he ran the card through the computer and wouldn't you know it... its actually legit. It came up as a real ID and she actually is 23. Well... now she decided she didn't want the wine and got a cider instead. I told her "Hey, I'm sorry I thought it was fake, but you gotta understand its my job and it was pretty fishy to me." She awkwardly said its okay. Afterwards she asked the cop if he could give her a ride home or whatever. He chuckled and said he couldn't. By now it was closing time so we told her she had to leave and that she could wait at the grocery store for her ride as it was cold out. Now it was just me, my coworker and the cop. I thanked the cop for his help, told him I wasn't gonna mess around with a suspicious customer with an ID that seemed a little funny to me. He told me he gets it, and I did the right thing, and that the new state IDs are definitely weird to him and that he himself hasn't seen a licence that is valid for only a year. He did tell me though that I could have refused service because she was intoxicated, but honestly to me she didn't seem intoxicated. I mean it makes sense in a way but I mostly thought she was a nervous teenager who was REALLY bad at lying. Had she not been so awkward and nervouslike I wouldn't have thought twice about it. But I kinda felt like a jerk because not only did I doubt her actual real ID, but I was a little harsh to her especially in my tone of voice. But at the same time, come on, even when I'm really drunk I don't forget my age.... twice! She definitely came across to me as more socially awkward and nervous than drunk. Also I was being a bit passive aggressive to her, and I'm usually genuinely nice to most customers, even if they are a bit awkward. I guess its the assumption that she was lying to me and trying to take me for a fool, at my job nontheless, that teed me off and made me act kinda dickish to her.
TL;DR. 23 year old girl who could easily pass for a teenager had an ID that had a few weird things about it even though it looked legit otherwise (its usually dates and little details that I look for, as its subtle stuff that I feel they might slip up on if its fake) came up to buy booze, I suspected it was fake and told her, she gave her age wrong twice, we got the police involved, and it turned out it was real. Am I an asshole for suspecting it was fake just because she was awkward? I genuinely thought she was a nervous teen. It wasn't just because she was a bit odd in her behaviour. Thats fine, I've served plenty of oddballs. It was more of the combination of how young she looked, the way she acted and the stuff stated on her ID.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
QGgUPCoJTrOrID0pWXb9N8XiiOdQLNeL
|
9uvjwi
| null |
AITA
|
Okay well my S/O uncle passed away today, and he wasn’t such a bad guy. AITA for being happy he’s gone... now before I get crucified. Let me explain.
His wife is a junky who steals our household items, food, money, and also our elderly mothers pain/anxiety pills, and he enabled her. Also to get them filled again before the month is up it ranges from 30/50$! He’d call us freaking out because we didn’t let her take her pills. (This happened numerous times) This woman is literally sat*n. I dunno how else to describe her.
So how I thought about this all is that’s one less “bad” person we have to worry about. By that I mean she’ll probably stay away now because as she’d like to call it “her plan” all fell apart now. She wanted to put our mom in a nursing home; move out of her shitty neighborhood to take our moms house, but since he’s gone she can’t do that anymore..AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
CHEoLcX4PPJvSsgTUOCq7Sl5W6ycPDGQ
|
b5ds6n
|
{
"description": "breaking up with this guy because of a comment he made at dinner with mutual friends",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I broke up with this guy because of a comment he made at dinner with mutual friends?
|
Some context - I’ve been dating this guy for about 2 months now, but he has been part of our friend group for about a year.
Before we started to date I gave him a list of my yellow/orange/red flags as a human and warned him that it’s probably not a good time in my life to date me. He didn’t care and was okay with the following that I told him or he knew before hand:
* Less than a year ago I got out of an extremely abusive relationship and I don’t know what a good relationship looks like. And that I’m seeing a councilor at my school, which isn’t the best but I can’t afford anything else.
* I’m a full time grad student who lives at home with her parents and I don’t have a job. Lots of my time is spent reading, writing, at the library, or doing volunteer work.
* School comes first and I still have 2 years to go.
* I’m unemployed and have 0 income right now. I can’t share any expenses for dates, entertainment, trips, drinks, etc.
I was extremely explicit in my warnings, and basically tried to convince him to not date me. Even though I know I want to be in a long term relationship again one day. He told me he was okay with paying for everything (he has a high paying job and we live in a very affordable area). I’ve tried to be courteous and suggest free/cheap things to do in the area, but he likes to do expensive things and doesn’t mind paying for two. I’ve enjoyed the time spent with him and we usually have a good time. We have a lot in common and have a lot of things to talk about.
However, he made a few comments about me that were supposed to be a “joke” in front our friends (friends that he has known for a year, and that I’ve known from anywhere from 5-15 years) that has made me reconsider the relationship.
While we were at dinner with friend he said a few things along the following: [….] “Tell me about it, not only do I have to pay for these things myself, I have to pay for her too!” and “Eventually I’d like to visit X place, but I’d have to pay for two [motions towards me] and I can’t do that now.” and “If somebody [motions towards me] ever gets a job then we can go do X activity with you guys too! haha, just kidding sweetie we know you’re still in school.”
After that night I felt embarrassed, and started to reconsider the relationship. I haven’t been excited to see him since Friday, and I’ve actually been using school as an excuse to not see him.
So AITA if I break up with over those kinds of comments?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Gpg8NmktS1HtPcM40ooA0oukCHcT7y9h
|
amyi1j
|
{
"description": "ignoring my mom/disobeying her because she lied to me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ignoring my mom/disobeying her because she lied to me?
|
So a little bit of background.
I'm a 15yr girl who at the age of 14 started having depression/anxiety/self harm thoughts. It first started by my step dad (which had been in my life for 2 yrs now) leaving without me knowing why .at the time my mom didn't tell me anything about it, I just got some vague idea by eavesdropping on conversations that they had a pretty bad fight...
After that I got send into a mental hospital after my mom found my arms and legs full of cuts. But after that I had another mental breakdown because of my biological father. He died when I was only 6. And that really got into me because my mind just started saying how a bad child I am because I couldn't remember who my dad was, I couldn't even remember how he looks like, or how exactly he died... we got Into a family therapy to talk about it, my mom told the therapist, and me how exactly my father died, she told this story about how he saved us from a bunch of drunk man's and that if it wasn't for him I would've been raped...
But the thing is, that's now what actually happened... and, at the time I believed it, even going as far as having memories of it, basically, my mom gave me a memory conformity about a trauma....
Of course I got really paranoid because although I couldn't remember what happend, I searched so munch on the Internet because I remember my babysitter telling me about how my dad was on the news...
But after I learned the truth, I also learned another thing my mom didn't told me.... remember earlier how I talked about my step dad? Well the reason they got Into a fight/got a divorce is because he had a child fetish. Not saying he molested or did anything illegal, but he would watch porn with titles like "daughter banging dad" "dad having sex with daughter" and so on... and I didn't learn from my mom this info no no no... I learned from Joel's (my now new step dad) daugher, which in turn learned from my brother....
Basically she told everyone about it, exept me...
And so after learning that, and after a second visit to the hospital, my mom told the truth about my biological dad, and how he was actually killed because he owned people money and he didn't have any... I was really mad by it, not by the fact of who my dad really was, but the fact that she lied to me while on a therapy visit, with emotions and everything.... I started hating her, doubting her, rebelling against her...
I wouldn't talk to her, look at her, and even let her touch me...
Her exude of not telling me/ drifting me away from the truth was that she wanted to protect me, she wanted to not let the outside world hurt me. She was scared that I would be more depressed if I learned the truth...
So my question is, was I in the wrong for being this rude to my mom? I tried the best I could not to let my felling tower over the truth.
if you guys need any questions feel free to ask...
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
aGqXev9WJUa56bsrOcEGxNkeyzk3tvc6
|
afyy9y
|
{
"description": "rejecting guys with uncircumcised dicks",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for rejecting guys with uncircumcised dicks?
|
This is a throwaway account because I am a frequent /r/gonewild poster. I get a lot of dick pics in my DMs and I honestly get grossed out by uncircumcised dicks. They look like anteaters! I'm also concerned about hygiene because you can infections easier. There have been times where I literally kick guys out of my room because I pull down their pants and they're uncut. They say it's their choice, but honestly I wish that their parents just had them circumcised as a baby because they could've had it over with. They seem overly protective about their weird shaped penis. Am I an asshole because I refuse to deal with uncut dicks?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
bwhilKHM4ENjamBXMik5XdsRsRNltBrn
|
aq0o36
|
{
"description": "faking my personality to a girl who seems to really like it",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for faking my personality to a girl who seems to really like it?
|
I met a girl at a party and I acted like I was not myself. I started to copy behaviors of guys I know that bang lots of chicks (these guys like to say the phrase ''real G'' a lot and act really ''gangsta'', they act really cocky and wear fresh blinged-out clothes).
I also copied the way they dress...I wear jackets, chains, the ''freshest'' shoes, etc. Unlike those guys though, I haven't actually slept with many girls (I can't tell if they have either or are just lying about it, but whatever. They claim to have slept with more than 20 girls but they're only 20 years old lol). And I put on this fake persona at the party and a girl I met seemed to really be into it, now she really wants to hook up with me, she keeps messaging me all the time.
My personality is 100% fake when I talk to her. If I'm talking with someone and she came and joined the convo, my personality would FLIP to the one that I've tailored towards her...and she is really into it. I am even shocked myself at how well I can just ''flip'' into this fake persona.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
8wpuLKAOlRFvM6PW7p4STxhA2ofdzTfy
|
abvyz8
|
{
"description": "getting pissed with spontaneous change of plans",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting pissed with spontaneous change of plans?
|
So I was supposed to have a date tomorrow, but since we haven’t mentioned it yet today I ask around 10pm if we’re still on [for tomorrow]. Replies with a “no idea”, so I ask what’s that about. Tells me about some errands to run and not being sure anymore.
So maybe yeah i get passive aggressive and I say so if i hadn’t mentioned it then I would have known tomorrow? Replies with I’m just not sure yet.
Then messages me asking to reschedule for another day. I’m busy the whole week so I just say forget it. Replies with so you don’t wanna go? And says he can try to run his errands as soon as possible. I don’t want to make a big fuss about it so i just say nevermind, go do the errands its important *no sarcasm, passive aggressiveness *
He replies with ... fine your choice and is visibly upset but I feel like I’m entitled to feel upset too? If he had errands to run he could’ve told me that earlier or been the one to tell me about it first, not only mention it when I ask about the date, which is tomorrow (I’d like to mention again this conversation happened at around 10pm)
Im not sure what I’m supposed to feel? We’ve been exclusive for 6m if that helps with ur opinions
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Iiec4timH1NLaoXZX7QFt3dIGnTAs70S
|
a3ht99
|
{
"description": "not standing up for someone",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Not Standing Up For Someone?
|
So... There is this troublemaker in my Graphics Design class who usually gets us extra time after school for his actions. But this time when someone yelled out Fuck, and it wasn't him with me knowing it wasn't him, I did not decide to stand up and tell the teacher. Now... I was in a adjoining room with the teacher when it happened and when going back to my seat, I asked my friend who did it. I found that it was him, and I actually did not want him to get in trouble with me knowing an innocent person would get in trouble. I just justified it as fair enough due to the fact he had always dragged down the class with our "zero" tolerance policy.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
beMQJARwJ8ooGOeshKwfyXxVdKST5Pa7
|
b8s6pl
|
{
"description": "telling a funeral director to frig off at a funeral",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling a funeral director to frig off at a funeral?
|
Recently, I attended a funeral. One mourner was wearing a backwards baseball hat. We all know him, he has major anxiety, and is beginning to lose hair, so he is never ever without hat, and he checked with the family first who obviously said "please come, wear your hat, you could come naked and we'd still be so happy to have you there for \*deceased\*. Anyway, so Hat Man comes, in a completely black baseball hat, backwards so he could see everything going on. I was right next to him, and the funeral director comes up and says verbatim "HEY DOPE! THIS IS A FUNERAL, TAKE YOUR HAT OFF OR GET OUT"! Hat Man leaves quietly. I demand to speak to the director after the funeral, and tell him in no uncertain words to fuck off, I'd make sure he never saw business again, and how FUCKING dare he. He tells me he is the owner, he can do whatever he wants, and might I like to go fuck myself? One lady called the funeral home, not knowing my discussion, looking for the owner. Funeral Director gets on the phone and says "I am the owner, R\*\*\*\*d".
But I feel bad, because I am a student funeral director who made a scene at a funeral because I know everyone heard me say "fuck". I've already apologized to the family
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qCNnuH90WgFGBEsFrGyrYEftH4yOkmol
|
a74067
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang out on Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang out on Christmas
|
Whilst driving my friends to have dinner, one asked what my plans were for Christmas. I said I'd probably be sleeping as that's the day my plane lands from my one week trip. He asked me if I wanted to come over just for dinner, and i politely declined. He looked dejected and I said we can hang out with everybody some other day in the break. We can celebrate the idea of Christmas and it doesn't have to be exactly on Christmas. For some details, we are all on break from our colleges and don't have holiday jobs. None of us are religious as well. Another friend sitting in the car agreed to the sentiment. AITA for wanting to spend Christmas alone?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fhbL3mi8e9ol6N2Xx2STCbalQcboKUNG
|
b7imed
|
{
"description": "ordering something cheap at an expensive restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for ordering something cheap at an expensive restaurant?
|
Pretty straight forward; My girlfriend’s mom and grandma took me and my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant. Dishes were on average $35-$40. I felt guilty about the prices so my girlfriend and I shared a $25 dish. The next day my girlfriend said her mom was kind of offended that I ordered something so cheap. She took it as “oh I don’t think she has the money to buy me a more expensive dish”
Am I asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
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"NOBODY": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
LdsUWBNhjgDjP4cSGEAr2A20RQTkpfhs
|
b6le5h
|
{
"description": "talking shit about someone in a private message",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for talking shit about someone in a private message?
|
I apologise in advance if this sound like your typical whiny teen drama but please bear with me, I just need to come to my sense because I'm on the verge of panicking if I am the asshole in this situation.
So apparently I was having a conversation with my long time friend on Instagram about how I've just recently stop hanging out with this new girl because she was "basic and kinda mean for judging people, thought she knew better". Apparently after that, the screenshot of me talking to my long time friend (who has absolutely no connection with the new girl) were leaked out (think I forgot to log out of my acct on when I borrowed her phone long time ago) and now my ex-friend (aka the new girl) is calling me out, saying that " I spread false rumours about her and that she did nothing to be called like that".
Personally, I think everyone talk shit but it's reasonable if you say something behind their back in a private chat with a friend that has no connection with the person you're talking about. I didn't tell anyone or spread any rumour in my class/school or any people that know my ex-friend, all I did was talking with a long time friend who's in this case, an outsider on instagram chat so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
4R3WtYSAXuBCB1xsuDT2B3e0nQxZWa01
|
ar3doi
|
{
"description": "being mad at my mom for living Pay Check to pay check",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for Being Mad at My Mom for Living Pay Check to Pay Check
|
First Reddit post! Let me start out by saying my mom is my rock. She is everything to me.
She has been living pay check to pay check for her whole life. I am about to close on my first home and I dont feel very comfortable making this decision knowing my mother is one emergency away from not being able to survive. She has no health insurance, no home insurance, and no 401k.
I budget my money religiously and I was determined to draw her out a budget so she no longer has to survive pay check to pay check. So I developed a nice budget and presented it to her (after she agreed to let me do this) and she started to become upset because she thinks that I dont think she knows how to manage her money. She doesn't make a ton of money, but this budget would allow her to end the year with roughly 4k in savings.
I told my mom she was a burden on me because she isn't financially stable. The house I am purchasing is nice and I dont deserve nicer things than my mom. She deserves much more.
One last thing to note: She helps EVERYONE out when she feels her sons need something, but I feel you can still budget for that.
AITA for trying to help my mom?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
GxbSBMPlczCnB5eZikr1kw4jMzuCbrgj
|
ac0ru8
|
{
"description": "not wanting to drive my boyfriend to the airport",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to drive my boyfriend to the airport?
|
Disclaimer: sorry if there are any typos/this is rambling....I’m *really* tired.
I had to post here before I go to sleep because this is really bothering me.
My bf had to be at the airport at 5:15 AM to catch a flight to see his family. He’ll be gone for 4 days.
When he originally asked if I could drive him, I told him it depended on my work schedule. He decided on the dates for his flight last minute, and my work schedule was already set.
At a friend’s house yesterday he was talking about his trip and me driving him. At this time, I told him that he’s probably going to have to drive himself because I work that day. (I have to be at work at 6:30 AM.) He started acting really dramatic and disappointed at which point I told him I would pay for his parking if it was that big of a deal ($8/day x 4 days)—something I can’t really afford right now, but he can. That still wasn’t good enough for him. He continued to act pouty and it made it a bit awkward for the people we were with. I agreed to drive him because I just wanted to get out of the situation and he was making me feel guilty.
Later that night, he asked if I was sure I could drive him. I again told him that it was incredibly early and I’d be losing an hour of sleep—which is a lot, IMO when you already wake up at 5:30 AM. I didn’t want t drive him, but I sensed that he was still bitter and this was going to be a “thing” for him. I told him “let’s see what I feel like in the morning”, meaning that if I was too exhausted he would drive himself or take an Uber. He agreed to this.
Mind you he also knew that I hadn’t slept well the past 2 days either due to work and a little get-together on NYE.
I woke up with him this morning at 4:30. I asked if he could call an Uber or drive himself because I tossed and turned last night and slept a total of 3.5 hours. He immediately started getting upset saying it was too late (he had 20 minutes until he had to leave—plenty of time to call an Uber).
I gave up. He’d surely argue with me the entire time until he left and I’d be awake anyway, so I drove him.
Now...to put my work schedule into perspective: I work 13 hour shifts. I’m on my feet all day long with little time to sit and also do some manual labor as part of my job. I get one 30 minute break at work. I’m a nurse, so I have to be clear-minded and able to think critically throughout the day. I am scheduled to work 3 days in a row like this...the first being the day he needed to be drive to the airport.
I just got off the phone with him and he’s insisting that part of being in a relationship means that you sacrifice and do things like this for each other and I’m being unreasonable and selfish.
I think *he* was being childish and selfish. I’m still mad about how he seemed to have manipulated me into driving him.
Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 14,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TN3kwYWlXSv1QB7K7z67lZb07Qa2sSZ6
|
asyu2l
|
{
"description": "hanging out with an enemy of a friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Hanging Out With An Enemy Of A Friend?
|
Here's a tad bit of context: One of my friends moved down south in 7th grade. 2 years later, we are all now in 9th grade. The enemy I'm referring to is in my gym class every day. I personally am a very timid person when it comes to confrontation; I can be talkative at times, but if I need to assert myself, I often get very nervous. Also, I'm going to refer to each of the people by a certain letter so things don't get too confusing.
​
I've been lurking on this subreddit for a while and only now have decided to post, since the guilt from doing this has been eating at me for a while. Since second semester started in my high school, among my classes is now gym. I was lucky enough to have one of my friends (M) in my gym class, but was unlucky enough to, at the same time, have another person who I distinctly recognized as a bully (B) from my middle school years also be in it. What's worse is that M and B actually are friends with each other, which makes this all the more difficult. Normally I would disregard middle school years, since I tend to be a forgiving person, but something is making it hard.
​
The friend that moved to Florida (J) still interacts with us through our group chat we have together. J regularly goes on rants on multiple topics, one of which being the horrific abuse and bullying they went through at our middle school, of which B was the primary source. I don't actually know any details of what J experienced (and I don't want to ask, since they claim to have anxiety from the memories, so I feel apprehensive in pushing it) but what I do know is that B made life absolute hell for them, and they continue to suffer from it to this day.
​
In class, I usually try not to talk to B, but am forced into conversation with him and M anyway. I try to act friendly towards B, since I just can't find it in me to confront him. He also pushes M around and often is rude to him, but M seems to be fine with it, like it's just boys roughhousing, though it makes me uncomfortable. B also can be hilarious at times, and I've even found myself enjoying his presence, which I can't help but be ashamed of myself for.
​
Even though I go along with B and his antics, I can't help but think of what he did to J, because, based on J's texts, he screwed him up severely. J talks about flashbacks and anxiety attacks, and I'm just wondering to myself: How on earth do I find it okay to hang around the person who did this to my friend? But then of course, if I did even find the guts in me to say something to B, I'd still have to see him every day in gym, and I'm afraid I'd become a target or something.
​
So, AITA for continuing to be with this person?
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HISTORICAL
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ammksj
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"description": "not letting my roommate's boyfriend sleep with her in the bunk above me",
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|
WIBTA for not letting my roommate’s boyfriend sleep with her in the bunk above me?
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Context: I live in a suite of four people with a common room and two doubles with bunk beds. Sexy, I know. One of my suitemates has had an SO stay over (without having sex) in her bunk while her roommate (my other suitemate) slept in the same room. The latter had consented to this arrangement and there were no problems.
Previously, I had had someone stay over for a few days in the common room, and he would occasionally sleep in my bunk while I wasn’t there. All of my suitemates agreed to let him stay, and I had given them the option to say no when I asked if he could come over. I didn’t, however, ask my roommate if he could sleep in our room (but my bed). This is important.
All of this is to provide some context for the dynamics of our room. Now we get to the situation at hand: earlier tonight, my roommate asked if her boyfriend could stay the night in our room with her. She made it clear that nothing would happen while I was in the room, but to be honest, I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of having this guy sleep above me. We don’t know each other very well.
I am afraid though, that the precedent set in our suite (and what I owe my roommate by not even having asked if my guest could sleep in my bed) would make it such that saying no would be an asshole move. What do you think?
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AITA for not liking my girlfriends best friend and being uncomfortable when they hangout?
|
Now let me start this off by saying I have never once told my gf that i dont want them hanging out or anything of the sort, but i have let her know that im not a fan of her best friend and tend to make a face or a huff if they go out drinking or whatever.
The distrust I had with this girl began long before I even met my girlfriend. She just had a weird vibe and acted a little shady and our mutual friend also said she was shady. But i tried to keep that to myself when i found out they were such good friends, and even give her another chance.
Recently i find out that during a date i had with my girlfriend (we met up the best friend at a local bar where best friend showed up with her boyfriend), best friend took her into the bathroom, tried to make out with her and then confessed some sort of feelings for her while i was at the bar talking to her boyfriend.
When they go out they get super drunk and even when im there it feels like best friend is trying to start a battle for her attention? which is just annoying. My gf says that shes like her little sister and that shes just misguided in alot of things. But like I dont trust her (best friend) and have a suspicion that she likes to get her (gf) drunk in hopes that something will happen.
I trust my girlfriend but it sucks knowing that shes spending time with someone who lies all the time, clearly has feelings for her and tries to make moves on her. I try to not talk smack out of respect to my girlfriend, but everytime we see her i see something i dont like, and i let my gf know about it when we leave.
Part of me wants to confront bestfriend and tell her stop being so shady and that my gf will never be with her like that, but i know in the end it will just make me look like a huge ass, and an insecure one at that. But as time goes on, the more it annoys me.
Am i the asshole for being honest about not liking her/them hanging out?
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| null |
AITA because my friend complained that I haven't initiated any ladies events with her for the past couple of months?
|
Hey Everyone:
Posting at the request of my cousin (32F) who isn't exactly internet savvy.
Just some background info first: My cousin (for this post, let's call her Clementine) is married, has a big family, works full-time and is doing continuing education studies. Thus, with all these commitments, her schedule is very packed, which means that on weeknights after work and weekends, she is so exhausted that all she has energy for is to spend quality time with her husband and family doing relaxing activities. She is also naturally introverted so she does accept invites from any of her friends whenever she is free and makes the effort to remember them whenever she knows that it is someone's birthday, for example, and will reach out through gifts, kind messages, and by spending time with them whenever they inform her of events. It's not like Clementine will turn people away if they initiate activities with her -in fact, she almost always says YES to them and when she says YES, she does so with a willing heart, not grudgingly. However, it is just not a part of her personality to initiate things with people so on days when she has no scheduled events, Clementine likes to rest and recharge her energy because too many social events drain her easily.
Now the issue: Clementine confided in me earlier today that one of her friends (for this post, I'll name her friend Lily), while they were out at lunch today, called her out and said, "In case you didn’t notice, you and I haven't done anything for a long time because you haven't made the effort to initiate things with me. I feel that if I don't invite you to things, I'll never hear from you. When you give me gifts, you always write that you think about me and value me as your friend, but that makes no sense if you can't reach out to me." Clementine said this made her feel like a total asshole and that she apologized profusely to Lily explaining that she didn't mean to offend Lily and that it was nothing against her personally - it's just not her personality to initiate things and that her busy schedule alone already drains her energy. Even then, Lily said, "I appreciate your honesty but I still don't get it." Clementine didn’t fight back, but just took the punches and kept her tone gentle when she spoke to her. Lily's birthday is this week and Clementine took the time to pick out a gift, which suits Lily's interests and dedicated a lot of effort to write her a nice message in calligraphy, which shows me how Clementine really values her friends. Clementine felt so bad that she even paid for their lunch today.
Therefore, Clementine is wondering, "AITA?"
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b9lft7
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"description": "saying no more substituting for someone who requested",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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|
WIBTA if I said no more substituting for someone who requested?
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Asking for my mom...
So basically she is a substitute teacher and so one day, she got an assignment at a certain school because the teacher was going through leg surgery but only for a half day.
Apparently the teacher liked her because she kept getting called back to sub during surgery stuff. So after 2 more assignments (Not consecutive) she doesnt want to sub anymore as it was only for a half day and she wants to work more as she has more time. (The only reason why she took a half day job, the first time is because she needed to go to the doctor for a checkup so she couldn't work a full day).
Before I continue I would like to say two things
1. She told him a week or so in advance as well as reminded him the last time she subbed
2. It's not his responsibility to find a sub, the school district does that, but teachers can pick subs that they like.
My mom knows he has a surgery and feels kinda bad about not being able to come but also feels confilicted as he requested again even though she told him. She rejected the job request. So WSBTA?
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abqpaw
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{
"description": "calling the police on my neighbors",
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}
|
WIBTA if I called the police on my neighbors?
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I live in an apartment building and I live on the third floor. I have no idea how much noise travels to other apartments but no one has told me and my roommate that we are loud. In fact, we rarely hear anyone else in the apartment besides in the hallway.
About a month ago some new neighbors moved in below us and it sounds like they have a baby. Cool, no big deal however they have been continuously loud at night about twice a week. Sometimes the music is so loud that I can hear the words and pick out the song other times their voices so loud I can hear the conversations. I don’t want to be harsh because I know they have a child but I also work early mornings. I feel like I wouldn’t have a right to call the police when they are just talking loudly because they have a baby and they can’t help the baby’s noise level but I don’t know why their voices are so loud. I called the police once before when they’re music was loud because that felt justified but it took the police 2 hours to respond and by that time they had turned it down.
Would I be the asshole if I call the police for something like this? Would it even be worth it to call?
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azxs23
|
{
"description": "going to the police",
"pronormative_score": 0,
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}
|
AITA for going to the Police?
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This happened a while ago, I was 17 at the time and I'm torn between thinking I was being a major c\*\*t and it just being me trying to help. I'm fully aware and ready to accept if I was in the wrong.
​
​
We had been together for about a year and a half and it was a typical teen relationship, but we didn't have many issues. One day she had approached me and told me that about a month ago she had been r\*\*\*d on her way home from a shift at a Sonic a couple blocks away (she had walked home). I had consoled her and talked to her about it and asked her, "What are the police doing about it?" She had said she hadn't told the police. I took objection to this.
​
​
Her side:
​
She had a pretty rocky past as a child, so this has happened previously. The reason she didn't want to inform the police was because of the way it had been handled previously, a lot of s\*\*t happening but nothing really getting done (none of the three abusers were held accountable). She expressly told me not to.
​
​
My side:
​
A lot of things were going through my head. First off, I loved her, she was my first decent relationship after multiple people that burned me and left me. Secondly, I didn't want this to happen again (to her or another woman) so I wanted the man to be held accountable and put away.
​
​
After a lengthy conversation with her I was given a choice, stay quiet or tell the police and never talk to her again. This really f\*\*\*ed with me but in the end I decided I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do what I could to stop the guy. I confessed to her and she stormed off, we haven't talked since.
​
​
In hindsight, I don't know if I would change what I did. I wanted more input because all of her family and mine all agreed that I overstepped by a huge margin.
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ag3zd6
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{
"description": "wanting my friend to stop being friends with another person",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting my friend to stop being friends with another person?
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So this chick hates me. Like had her friend come to our senior homecoming just to mess with me and push me all night. Not entirely sure what I did to her, to sum up my best friend Brendan (we were friends before this all happened) started dating this chick and they broke up, other stuff happened, she’s mad I’m still friends with him, etc. But back to the main part, my friend Alex knows she’s done all this stuff to me, talked about me behind my back, spread rumors about me to my friends. But she’s still friends with her. Granted, they were friends before her and I were, but she’s knows how badly she’s treated me yet continues to be her friend. Am I the asshole for wanting her to cut things off with her? Or should I just let her be friends with whoever she wants but lose me in the process?
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RIGHT
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nMUIDI0dkW7Hm5Sdq6e0AvB8buFK4kEE
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artxe5
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{
"description": "wanting to celebrate mine and my sister's birthdays a day after her birthday so I can visit with friends on her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for wanting to celebrate mine and my sister's birthdays a day after her birthday so I can visit with friends on her birthday?
|
So a little background, I turned 24 at the end of January and my family didn't offer to get together for dinner or a celebration until a week later when my mother texted me saying that her and my father would like to take me out for a late birthday celebration. This is normally quite difficult because my father and I work at the same place but on completely opposite shifts (I work nights on days that he has off and he works days on nights that I have off). But I agreed believing that my father would either take a day off or I'd receive a text asking what days I could meet for dinner after my father got out of work. But I didn't hear anything until recently when my mother brought up that we still hadn't done anything so I offered doing a dual celebration for both mine and my sister's birthdays since her's is in a week anyways. I'm also a member of a juggling club (have been for years, they were actually the first friends I made when I got into college) but because I work a rotating shift I only get to go to the club once or twice a month instead of weekly; I've been juggling with this group for over 6 years and have gone to juggling conventions with them and they have all remained very good friends of mine and my family knows all this.
Tonight my mother texted me again asking when I would like to get together for dinner so I told her we should just do the dual celebration for both mine and my sister's birthdays since we're already close to hers and that it would have to be "on a day that Dad works after he gets out of work because I haven't earned any vacation time yet." She then made a group text for her, my father, my sister and me and asked if everyone would be good for having dinner on my sister's 21st birthday (which would be on the same day at the same time that the juggling club meets). I responded asking if we could have dinner the day after my sister's birthday because I haven't gone to the juggling club in over a month and I would really like to practice and see my friends again. My sister told me off for wanting to juggle instead of spend her birthday with her (she goes to the same college I did and it would be very easy for me to visit her before or after the juggling club meeting). I told her I would skip juggling club for her birthday but that I would much rather just celebrate her birthday a day late because I haven't been juggling in over a month.
My sister got mad at me for wanting to push her birthday celebration off one day so I could practice juggling and see friends and accusing me of not wanting to celebrate my own birthday (even though no one texted me about it until after my bday had already passed) and not wanting to see my family anymore. I tried explaining that I don't get to go to the club very often and I would like to take the opportunity when it arises because I haven't juggled in a group since before Christmas (which I spent with family), but she accused me of caring more about juggling than I do about family and saying "I only turn 21 once." The conversation ended with her calling me a dick and saying that she didn't want me at her birthday anyways.
I plan on asking my parents if we can celebrate in a restaurant near my college because that would allow me to go to the beginning of the juggling club meeting and celebrate my sisters birthday, but I can't help but feel guilty because I am kinda choosing friends and personal hobbies over family but only because I haven't done this in quite a while and really want to see my friends and practice with them all again.
TL;DR: My family didn't text me about celebrating my birthday until after it had already passed but when I suggested celebrating my sister's birthday the day after her actual birthday so I could visit friends (who I haven't seen in over a month) and practice a hobby I really enjoy with them. Am I the asshole for asking the celebration be moved back a day even though no one asked me if the date was ok even though none of them asked me about celebrating my birthday until it had already passed?
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HISTORICAL
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9ze5x3
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{
"description": "not liking someone based on something that's not their fault",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not liking someone based on something that's not their fault?
|
My friends boyfriend has the exact same laugh as my former stepfather that I despised. As a result my brain is telling me to hate the boyfriend. AITA? if so, what do I do in order to not be?
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atkvay
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{
"description": "wanting to spend a day out with family before my nanas funeral",
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}
|
AITA for wanting to spend a day out with family before my nanas funeral?
|
My Nana has recently passed away and whilst talking to my cousin who I rarely see she mentioned she would take me to find a suit for the funeral. I have a young family and my mum died when I was 17 so until now I've had a tough time feeling a part of the wider family.
I felt almost relieved for having a family member care enough to spend time with me even if the circumstances were shitty. Now I feel like I'm racked with guilt for feeling even remotely positive about spending time trying to make a nice day out of something that isn't really meant to be enjoyed.
My wife mentioned how it's not the right time to work on my family relations like this but I feel so shit and the thought of having time with family would be nice. AITA for feeling good about going shopping for a funeral suit?
|
HISTORICAL
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argpar
|
{
"description": "rejecting him because of his culture/religion",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for rejecting him because of his culture/religion?
|
So I'm Ethiopian and Muslim and there is this guy in one of my classes that I had became friends with and we would study together sometimes. I think he's attractive on a general level but I wouldn't be with him because we would just be incompatible imo (he's Portuguese and from a Catholic family).
The other day he told me he really liked me and wanted to go out with me. I had to reject him because I just think it wouldn't work (mostly because of religion but also our cultures are very different as well). I didn't word it quite like that though, I just told him I didn't feel the same. He was disappointed ofc but he took it relatively okay.
I've been thinking about it ever since then and I'm wondering if this makes me a bad person. I just don't believe that interfaith marriages can work out without someone really having to compromise, plus it's not allowed in my faith anyway. AITA?
|
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jirMsT6QKt9uDX3OkXdFQqVJ9CdxJjDE
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ba5ad6
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{
"description": "telling off old man for cutting the line at a grocery store",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling off old man for cutting the line at a grocery store?
|
So, I'm 20F and fully abled body so, I have no problem waiting in line and would have happily given my spot (I was at the front of the line) to the elderly man, IF he had asked politely.
However, the old man simply cuts in front of me and the 5 other customers behind me. I tell him that he doesn't have to be an ass, and that there's a priority line just for seniors that he can use. He tells me he's 90 y/o and shouldn't be expected to wait. I tell him that I don't care about his age, what he is doing is wrong and he should either go to the back of the line or to the priority check out.
The register is cleared and he rushes over there. The very nice check-out lady says calmly that he is cutting in front of others and should go to the priority line. He starts yelling, saying that we all owe him for the years he spent working, that he worked his ass off to get me my rights and whatnot (don't know what he's talking about), but I keep insisting that he's an ass and should be respectful of others if he wants them to be respectful of him. By this time, the line has grown and even though everyone agrees with me that he's being a jerk, tell me I should stop insisting and let him be.
But I don't, I can't honestly. It makes my blood boil to see people that are this entitled. He literally has a line all to himself at the priority check out, but just had to cut this line.
AITA for insisting on it? Should I just learn to let these things go?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aayx81
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{
"description": "not letting a trans guy join me and my friends' all-girls dance group",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting a trans guy join me and my friends' all-girls dance group?
|
For background info; I'm a 16 year old cis girl, and I'm the vice-leader of a cosplay dance group one of my friends founded. We're currently 7 members, but we decided we'll be opening applications in January to fill up two spots in the group, so that we'd be a group of 9. Everyone currently in the group is a girl, and and our youngest member is 13 while our oldest is 20 years old. This all happened yesterday, except for a few little things.
We made the initial announcement about applications opening maybe a month and a half ago, only stating a few basic requirements for applying, such as knowing how to sew your costumes. A few people immediately messaged us, stating their interest in joining the group. After a while, we decided with the group to implement a few new conditions we hadn't stated in our initial post, such as an age limit (15-24 years) as well as that we'd only be accepting girls to join the group. The reason for making these limitations is that we'll be having sleepovers and training camps with the group, and having a man there, especially someone several years older than any of us others, would make the majority of our current members, myself included, feel uncomfortable in part due to previous bad experiences with men in similar situations.
One of the people initially interested in applying is a 23 year old trans guy. After the new conditions were posted, he again messaged us to ask whether the condition "You identify as a girl." means you have to actually identify as female, or if it's okay to be a trans guy but still cosplay girls for you to qualify for our group. What I replied with was that for the sake of our members feeling safe and comfortable, we'd like to limit the group to just girls. I also said no one in the group has anything against him as a person, and we hope he doesn't take it like that.
Fast forward a few hours, and he's done a little bit of very vague posting to his instagram story about not fitting in so making yourself fit in somewhere else, while his girlfriend posted a few longer paragraphs to her story about how you shouldn't judge anyone or discriminate based on gender. She made it sound like we'd been rude and discriminatory against this guy because he's a man. Some things she said were that if this was a work situation something like this could be taken to court, that she thinks everyone should have equal chances to things regardless of gender, that it's stupid to say someone is a bad person just because they're a man, etc. Today she posted more about it, stating how it's unfair to leave someone out of something because of their gender especially when they're a sweet and lovely person, and that something like this can crush someone's dreams.
No one in our group said he's a bad person just because he's a man. We didn't respond to any of the posts. Our leader put up a post on our group account's story saying we apologise to anyone cut out by our criteria, and that we'd love to have everyone in the group, but because of sleepovers or training camps it doesn't matter if it's one or more people who feel uncomfortable, and as such we decided to stick as an all-girls group. We explained the reasons behind all the conditions in our post where we stated them, and have tried to be as nice as possible to everyone when responding to comments and direct messages.
Note that I, and many of our other members, are part of the LGBTQ+ community ourselves and have nothing against trans people. Trans or cis, you have the right to choose which gender you feel is you.
I have screenshots of the messages and story posts if anyone wants to see them, but they're all in Finnish so I don't know if they're much help.
Tl;dr: My all-girls dance group and I wouldn't like to let a trans man who is a few years older than the rest of us join the group because the majority of our members feel uncomfortable working so closely with and having sleepovers and training camps with a man.
Are we the assholes for not letting him join even though he would have liked to? Should we still have let him join even if we still feel uncomfortable working that closely with men?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
N8DLavMgpbzal2ywBHRsgt9YlCDzbMfp
|
b3uf0f
|
{
"description": "kicking out my best friend and cutting her off",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for kicking out my best friend and cutting her off?
|
My friend broke up with her possessive and controlling bf and moved in with me. Before she broke up with him, she didn’t talk to me for about a year. She called me crying saying he threw all her shit on the side of the road. And he did. So I drove my naive ass over there and packed it all up and brought her back to our house. We made an agreement that she would pay $200 a month and she would get her own apartment in about 4/5 months. Everything started to go downhill about a month later. Her room was trashed, she was leaving old food and dishes in her room, spilling alcohol on the floor and never cleaning it up, inviting guys off tinder over at like 1am, calling off work, getting drunk every night... I decided I had enough when she came home thinking it was funny that a doctor reported her at work. He reported her for showing up hungover after she went on a 3 day binge of alcohol, cocaine, weed, and adderall. She didn’t bother to shower, fix her hair, makeup, or change her clothes. I had a very serious convo with her and told her it would be best if she finds somewhere else to stay because it wasn’t working out. Later that day, she texts me saying she is going to stay with her cousin for a bit and asks me to put her stuff on the porch. So I packed up her stuff and placed it on the porch and pretty much didn’t speak to her after that. About a week after that happened, she was telling all of our mutual friends that I threw her out like a piece of trash and I was just this horrible person to her.
Now it’s been like a year since all of this has happened and *from what I hear* she has her shit together now. She has tried to reach out again but I don’t want to be her friend. She brought all kinds of chaos to my life and she thinks I should be giving her another chance. I cut her off right after all this went down and I don’t feel like I owe her. Am I the asshole for cutting her off?
TL;DR: Friend breaks up with bf, moves in, goes on drug/alcohol binge, trashes the room, almost loses her job, I kicked her out and cut her off. She wants a second chance at a friendship. AITA for saying I don’t want to be her friend again?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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b3c83p
|
{
"description": "wanting to play my instrument",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For wanting to play my instrument?
|
Spring of 2018 I was a senior in college. I played bass for the school's marching band, which, for that semester, played for the basketball games. I was new to it because I had a lot of friends in the band who were pushing me to join and since I only had one semester left, I said why not?
Because I played bass guitar, I wasn't always playing with the whole band. Instead, we had a rather unique set up where our section (the rock band) played our own thing. I was not the only bass player, however. There were two others, but one was the section leader of the mellophones and didn't usually practice or perform with us, and the other handled most of the lead vocals. There were also several guitar players and two drummers and sometimes that meant that people had to rotate. Naturally, I think it was assumed that the bass players would do that too.
As the semester went on, the rock band played more gigs separate from the marching band. We did covers of popular rock songs. One day, the other bass player politely asked me if I would mind sitting out for a couple songs so he could play bass. I said I would mind because we're only playing six songs and this is my only semester to do this sort of thing. Plus, he was taking the lead vocals on those songs anyway, so he wouldn't be sitting out at all. The other bass player seemed mad but kept it to himself and we played the show and had a great time.
Fast forward two weeks and we had yet another gig. This time, he asked me again if he could play bass. Again, I said no for the same reasons as before. I should also mention that he was a sophomore so he still had at least 4-5 semesters left, all of which he planned to be in band for. This time he was pissed and he started yelling at me until I finally pointed out that we have two amps anyway and we can both just play at the same time if it mattered to him that much.
I'm graduated now so I don't really care what they do now or about what happened before, but I remembered both of those things and was genuinely curious what others would say. I mean, trying it be objective here, maybe I should've not cared so much about playing two songs and I should've just let him play to avoid unnecessary drama? I don't know. Am I the asshole for wanting to play my instrument during our gigs?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
avx20b
|
{
"description": "driving the speed limit",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for driving the speed limit??
|
Recent traffic posts have me curious about something. Background: every other weekend I drive a total of about 3 hours to pick up my son. It's a 2 lane highway, speed limit is 65 until you get to a town (there are 2, the one I come from and the one I'm going to). This is not a busy highway, it's a straight, boring desert highway.
A couple of months ago my fiance was driving and had the cruise set to 65. That is what we both always do. There are state troopers out there and they absolutely will pull you over. As usual, everyone was passing us. They always do. But this one truck came around us and as it did, the passenger leaned out his window, threw a plastic bottle at our windshield, and flipped us off. Like i said we get passed a lot, but no one has ever done anything like that (or honked or anything). We figured we just weren't going fast enough for their liking.
Now I'm wondering though, are we assholes for driving the speed limit when almost no one else is? My state does not have any kind of rule about keeping up with traffic, as I'm aware some places do. And it's not like we have 50 cars lined up behind us. This highway is generally clear enough to pass pretty easily. Just sitting here thinking about it though, I'm wondering if we're pissing everyone off or something. We drive the speed limit because we don't want to be pulled over/ticketed.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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b2sofc
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{
"description": "telling a friend about a secret his girlfriend was keeping from him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling a friend about a secret his girlfriend was keeping from him?
|
For starters this is my first post, so I'm not familiar with formatting.
So a little while back a friend of mine, we'll call C set me up with a girl from his second job. She will be B. Shortly after C started seeing another girl from same workplace called S. C and S aren't suppose to be together because S is a manager and C is an employee. S wasn't suppose to tell B about her and C because C didn't think she could keep it under wraps. she did anyway. About 2 weeks later C asks me if I told B about him and S. I told him the truth that I didnt, but S sure did. B got mad called me unloyal and broke up with me. Now B is calling me an asshole but I dont feel like I was. If anything I stayed loyal to one of mny close friends. I honestly think the entire thing is amazingly childish and am kinda glad B left. But AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
9zpzth
|
{
"description": "buying a game on a different platform than my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for buying a game on a different platform than my boyfriend?
|
Not super familiar with this sub, using a throwaway, and on mobile, so forgive what you can.
This sounds petty, right? Well this could destroy my relationship.
My boyfriend and I had discussed buying a video game together when it was first announced, but as time has progressed it has gained a lot of negative publicity, prompting my boyfriend to continually tell me how it's going to be trash and he's glad we didn't preorder etc.
So we talked and he said he wouldn't want to play it by himself. That's where I fucked up, and I admit that. Because I understood that as "I don't want this game" he meant it as "I don't want it but I'll play it with you"
So black Friday shopping with my mom she offered to buy me the game to play with my dad, but on xbox instead of pc. So I said yes. My boyfriend was LIVID. Took it as me not wanting to play games with him or spend time together (we live together) and generally just made me feel like shit about it until I returned the game.
More on the gaming thing, i dont play very many video games with him because he likes to play online and uses my headset. I get anxiety playing in online games with people i dont know, and if I do know them I don't like having to just not talk to them. Not to mention we just have different taste in games. So this was one of the first ones we were excited about together. Based on this he tells me I never want to play ANYTHING with him and I'm just trying to hurt him, which isn't true.
I think those are all the details, I can clarify any questions in the comments, but he could potentially leave me over this and I can't tell if I fucked up royally today
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
sQ6l34OYJYsI3RhFiLhQHlgVEC8ANBGM
|
au3g6w
| null |
AITA for the way I took my cheating husband’s jokes?
|
Recently found out that my husband has been cheating on me and more and that essentially our whole marriage was a lie. He was diagnosed with some mental health issues and is remorseful. However he is barely capable of functioning without his various addictions to numb him. He liked the attention and validation he got from others. I am doing the lions share of all the work, like I always did before, and am trying to be patient as meds, therapy and hard work start to take effect.
We decided to take a night away from kids, etc and get a hotel. It’s been a rough two weeks with things really devolving on his part- he’s been struggling. I have been here for him, although it is all taking its toll on me too and there have been a few times I have snapped.
So, first issue is that as part of the reconnecting, our marriage therapist suggested he write me a note each week. No note this week. This morning was the deadline. I was disappointed and sad.
I tried to fuck him this morning and we played around a little and then he stopped and said I needed to wait, that he was just teasing me. Okay. I was disappointed as I am the High libido partner but whatever, maybe this would be fun.
We packed up and headed out. We stopped at a store to grab some clothes for me, because it’s been a LONG time and I had nothing to wear out.
I was pointing something out to him in the store when we walked in and was in the middle of speaking when a cute salesgirl, totally his type, says “What are you shopping for today?” Both or them completely interrupting and ignoring me, he smiles at her and says “Oh you know, I need a dress!” and they both start cracking up.
Then we pull into our hotel a bit later and I point out a cute gazebo and am talking about how excited I am and how romantic it is and he interrupts me and says “This place seems like the kind of place where strangers meet to fuck for an hour then leave.” (It isn’t that kind of place at all.)
Now things are tense because my feelings are hurt. He’s mad because “apparently he can’t do anything right.” But he has LITERALLY forgotten every practical thing this week (calling his DR about med issues for instance) and also the couple building stuff. But he didn’t forget anything HE wanted.
I am not asking for much. His comments and attitude hurt after a shit week.
Who is the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
4zwA9jxLX4kIXokA83tfHCqGG8LLTFWd
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asykjc
| null |
AITA for my actions around my roomates when I am sick
|
I will try to keep this brief and objective as to not sound biased about myself. For the last 5 days I have been sick with a bad head cold with the real symptoms coming out the last 2 days. One of my roommates (I live with 3 others) has interviews this week and has repeatedly said "just don't get me sick" when the subject of my illness has come up. To be mindful of them I have done the following:
-Stayed in my room as much as possible
-Washed my hands as much as possible
-Not leave any tissues or anything behind that could have germs
-Overall isolate myself besides an hour or two in the common area when no one was there
I ran out of tissues half a day in and instead have used a few paper towels and mostly toilet paper as either does not impact my skin. Half the time I needed to blow my nose I would go into the bathroom, blow my nose using toilet paper, flush it down the toilet, and wash my hands and go back to my room. Often I would take some toilet paper with me and then keep that in my room as well.
Today is where the big fight happened. My roommate said that I was not doing everything I could to ensure he doesn't get sick and if I was being more clean I would buy tissues, store it all in my room and use the restroom only as needed. He made some logical/statistical argument as to if I reduced the amount of trips to the bathroom, he statistically has less of a chance to get sick and therefore I am not doing everything I could. He also brought up the fact that I am the messy roommate (this is true but I have done my best to be better) and that my overall understanding of cleanliness is flawed based upon examples of previous messes.He also mentioned that I should of sprayed disinfectant and wiped the counters as I used them.
I told him I felt he was being incredible insensitive and unreasonable in expectations. I told him that I felt I was doing everything a reasonable person would to not get other sick and have been isolating myself in my room and washing my hands as often as possible. I told him my process of using the toilet paper and immediately washing my hands was in my opinion fine and not increasing his chance of getting sick. While this did increase the numbers of trips to the bathroom, the only thing I touched after blowing my nose was the flush and then washed my hands. He wanted me to "dissect" his argument and logically disprove his statement and when I said I have nothing more to say as I feel I am being respectful already to everyone in the apartment he cursed me out.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
cfZ0VgOMGtjeSJdQePXelDzRmaCr1iva
|
9uqqd8
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my friends for making fun of me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friends for making fun of me
|
So here's the story, about a year ago, I reconnected and rekindled friendships with a group of friends who I have previously been assholes to. A few years ago, I was a prick towards them and they made fun of me during the period for being a prick. I admit I did deserve it as a was a major asshole to them back then. When I rekindled the friendships with them a year ago, I made it a priority to change my behavior and to show them that I wasn't the same prick anymore. I even made fun of myself on numerous occasions of my previous behavior to show them that I acknowledged it was run. However, they have been making fun of my previous behavior recently despite it being a few years ago. I did tell them that I know I was an asshole but its in the past there's no point repeating the same jokes over and over again. This wasn't very successful as they would tell me that although it was in the past, it should not be forgotten. I've tried distancing myself from them recently but I've gotten quite lonely. They're my only group of friends and I really do think of them as nice people. However, its just this ribbing that bothers me. So am I just an oversensitive asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ejuHJbkfcODnHCm4oHdp1hDc9brVT1Zh
|
aw8lso
|
{
"description": "going to my boss because I suspect my co-worker isn't showing up for work",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA if I went to my boss because I suspect my co-worker isn’t showing up for work?
|
There are only a few people who work in my position. It’s a pretty “low on the totem pole” job, but it requires us to be at work early in the morning - there is a part of our job that literally cannot be sufficiently completed unless you’re there at a certain time.
My co-workers and I rotate shifts between a few locations, one of which my boss rarely visits. I have good reason to believe that my co-worker doesn’t show up, or shows up very late, when he’s in that location.
It bothers me for a lot of reasons, mostly because it demonstrates a blatant lack of work ethic and it undermines a key purpose, value, and quality of our job and the work we do, and has the potential to create more work for me (albeit marginally).
So, AITA if I talked to my supervisor about it, instead of talking to my co-worker directly (or keeping my mouth shut)? I don’t want to talk to my other co-workers because it’s not my place.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
NNhLIC5w6eFXqFNlU1Zu50PYDBwLhRgz
|
a1h3d4
|
{
"description": "not feeling anything, when my sister falls into a coma",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not feeling anything, when my sister falls into a coma
|
To explain this I have to elaborate:
shortly after I was born my mother died, so my uncle and his wife adopted me. So they became my parents and my two cousins became my sisters( let's call them B and C). It was all good until they got a divorce and my "mom" took C. whith her. So I and B stayed with my dad. All this happend while i was 4 or 5, so I didnt really have much of an emotional bond to my "mom" and C.
Not until later as the Situation cooled of and C moved to her own place. We all met up for holidays and other events, but she never really felt like a sister more like a cousin or a aunt ( because shes like 15 years older than me). We grew even further apart when she got married.
My dad mentioned once she was part of a nazi-cult-thing, although she grew out of it, her and her husbands views were ultra-right.
When I first met the guy, I thought he was kinda weird but nice, but that changed at their wedding.
Friends of them came late to the reception and played anti-refugee songs the whole evening.
The grooms family applauded and joined in, while my dad, B and me looked at each other in disgust.
After that we constantly argued, when we met up for holidays, since she always brought up politics and "how the refugees destroy this country"(I live in germany btw).
Up until now she has two kids and she has no idea how to raise a child. They constantly missbehave and all she does is shout at them.
When my grandma (who worked her whole life in a daycare) tries to calm things down and talks to the kids in a loving and caring way, she gets screamed at.
Today my grandmother told me on the phone that she got sick and her survival chances are 50/50, so she got placed in a artificial coma.
Since I moved out last year to study at a university, I'm not with my family right now.
But I don't feel anything. I think even feel a bit happy about it , but I know i shouldn't.
I feel mostly sorry for my dad, he's devastated.
Also I dont want for the kids to lose their mother, even if she's a bad one.
I really don't what to feel or to think.
TLDR: Over the years I liked my Sister less and less and now she lies in a coma and I feel almost happy about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
wd2hZFaFCsRzDmcAxSP7mpSCu1m8E7gC
|
alem11
|
{
"description": "making a girl cry when roasting each other? Pt. 2: then accidentally punching her in the face",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for making a girl cry when roasting each other? Pt. 2: Then accidentally punching her in the face?
|
So it was first period in school and we had met a few days ago. I was new to the school and didn't know many people, but she was nice to me and pretty funny. We roasted each other all the time. I would say things like when she sat on her boyfriends' lap (keep in mind she is 5'5" and he is 6'3") it looked like a kid on Santa's lap. She would say things like you're so fat when you jump your ass cheeks clap. I don't think she was very good at roasting. One day, she just straight up said hard facts. Not roasting but just "You're a fat ugly fuck and I hope your parents die"... harsh. I guessed she was in a bad mood, so I, taking it in good fun, told her that her crooked ass teeth remind me of the rocky mountains, and that her hair looks like cotton picked by all the black people she bullies. Too harsh?
​
Eventually, she just started talking to me again for whatever reason. I'm guessing she just put it behind her. Around a month after the first incident, the second one occurred. It was lunch time, and my friend Emily had bumped into me. We then kinda fake fought for a second, and up ran 5'5" girl. She wanted to get in on the fun too, I guess. But she, like roasting, is also not very good at fake fighting. She just smacked me a lot. Everywhere. So, reflexively, I docked her in the nose. I did not hit her very hard, being her nose did not even bleed. I also got her some tissues if she needed them etc. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
HfhHIlk3tWHisAuY63RmpvwSoiCp34pd
|
ak8g09
|
{
"description": "distancing myself from my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For distancing myself from my best friend?
|
Sparing the details, I suffer from some "issues" per-say, one being serious trust issues. Reason is still unknown really. Something tied with depression.
Long story short, my best friend and I have a good relationship and they know everything about me and what I'm struggling with. Even through all of this, I still feel like I'm simply making their life worse, which is the last thing I want to do. I feel like a burden and a drag. I began to distance myself from them. Ignoring Snapchats, and other forms of communication. It's been 3 days since I began doing this and, even though I feel it's what is needed, I still feel awful. I feel the only reason we're friends is because they felt they had to as we shared the same classes.
Exams are coming to a close and the last time I have to see them again is this Monday. I'm not sure yet if I'm going to continue on like nothing happened or what.
But AITA for doing this to them?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
cbdfeSQro3TvHg7IB4vnvHsZWJsfMwYR
|
a7riiy
|
{
"description": "making my friend take a contraceptive",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 31
}
|
AITA for making my friend take a contraceptive?
|
On an alt here
So, me and this girl have been hanging out all summer. We started just being friends, then her boyfriend broke up with her because he didn’t trust her. We quickly became friends with benefits.
We used to have sex about 3-4 times a week. I was always adamant when I told her that I didn’t want a relationship, just a friendship and sex (we play games together and go out to eat often. We also took a mini vacation together.) I always stressed that we were friends and nothing more.
Toward the end of the summer/early fall, she started saying she’s always wanted a family and what not. I explained to her that I wasn’t ready for the responsibility of a family or a child, and we agreed to slow down on seeing each other so we went to a once a week deal. Eventually it turned into 2-3 weeks and we recently went a whole month without talking.
The other day she messed me and wanted me to come over after school, so I did. We ended up having sex, except I didn’t pull out in time and ejaculated inside her.
The next day I made her take a plan B against her will. I didn’t force her to, but I got mean and told her she couldn’t hold me hostage with a child.
Am I the asshole? I don’t want a kid.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
j7APkdmpfY0NkqQWQaEXUpuBVVe5j07G
|
awztnz
|
{
"description": "going on a cruise",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for going on a cruise?
|
Years before I was born my mom had an extremely traumatic experience on a cruise ship. I can’t go too into detail to protect her privacy, but I’ll try to tell it as clearly as I can.
She went into labor ~3 months early and was declined medical attention. She gave birth as the on board doctor ate his sandwich and told her “animals do it in the wild all the time”. She gave birth to a live baby and watched it die. She and my dad got dropped off at a dirty hospital somewhere (I genuinely don’t know where) where my mom had to continue to clean herself off and transport the deceased baby back home.
I obviously was not there for any of this, and heard pretty much all of the story from other family members. My mom doesn’t ever talk about it.
However, over the years I’ve had many people tell me how wonderful cruises are. After I tell them (if they aren’t a stranger) what happened to my mother, they say they are sorry about the incident, but it shouldn’t stop me from going and having fun.
So WIBTA for going on a cruise? AITA for bringing the mood down when people tell me to go?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qHKy455Dr4kgmTe4bUTTnMGsE8J91IWs
|
a3aka9
|
{
"description": "wanting to visit my hometown over the holidays",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to visit my hometown over the holidays?
|
My fiance and I are spending the entire Christmas week with her extended family about a 3 hour drive from where we live. I'm from interstate and suggested I visit my friends and family back home for one night when we get back from being away, then come back to where we live so we can spend NYE together. A lot of people I grew up with have left (like me) and the holiday period is a rare opportunity to catch up with heaps of old friends and family all at once.
My fiance doesn't want to come with me because her sister is visiting from overseas during this period, which is why I suggested such a short trip.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b369ky
|
{
"description": "not letting a autistic kid play my switch",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not letting a autistic kid play my switch?
|
So I usually play me switch at lunch and lately this autistic kid started to play with me, and he gets to play everyday.
So today I don’t let him play and then he gets mad, and starts asking me, Anon we can’t I play?, Anon are you mad at me?. So I just ignore him and eventually he throws a fit because I won’t let him play MY switch, and trust me I’ve been kind I’ve made accounts for him, special rules and things like that. Now I’m going to list why I didn’t let him play.
1:first question he asks me everyday is Anon did you bring your switch?
2:He forced me to make him a rule set.
3:he always says who gets to play when.
4:and he made me spill water on my switch(it’s fine)
5:he one day brought another kid from his special ed class, and made me let him play, then when i had to kick him off, the new kid, threw a fit.
6:people know what I did and he exaggerated on it and now a lot of kids hate me.
So question is Am I The Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
l3srxB0WQ3Y9OKB2fWOpbQXryUEfgF9B
|
ackyl1
|
{
"description": "finding joy in watching negative things happen the people who treated me badly in the past",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for finding joy in watching negative things happen the people who treated me badly in the past?
|
So I know what Schadenfreude is and that it’s common reaction in people, but does it make me an asshole? Especially when it happens to people who treated me badly/bullied me in the past?
Just a few examples:
• Ex boyfriend getting a divorce
• The stuck up bitch who was always mean to me and actively spread rumors about me still works a dead end job.
• The jerk who got me super drunk and aggressively tried to have sex with me, only to kick me out of his house when I said no is still trying to be a thug/dj and failing miserably at it and all aspects of adulthood.
I know that hurt people hurt people and the most satisfying revenge is to live your best life. I made peace with this after high school (full disclosure, that was almost 20 years ago). Then social medial happened. I used to maintain a very close group of friends and family who were allowed to friend and follow me. Then about 5 years ago, I started excepting friend requests from people who I haven’t seen or spoken to in years. This opened a sort of flood gate of info on the people who treated me horribly in my past.
So now, once in a while I’ll see someone tagged, liked or linked to another person, and I’ll think “oh yeah, that’s the guy who stole my bag, dumped it out in the back of the bus, then laughed hysterically as I had to crawl around and collect everything. Let’s just clickity-click that profile and see what he’s been up to...Aaaaand he’s a giant fucking loser!” Then this wave of satisfaction will wash over me.
I guess I’m probably still pretty hurt, which is why I love seeing these assholes fail. On the other hand, I’m not doing anything to actively hurt them. Does loser voyeurism make me the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
8EQKNJMomAfD96pAnIE1aMcFpLARr9mn
|
aqwgli
|
{
"description": "not going to my brother's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not going to my brother's wedding?
|
My brother and I used to be really close growing up. All his life he's suffered with various mental health issues (mostly depression) and I've tried to be there for him. About 10 years ago he got divorced, and it was a bad time in his life; I was there for him to talk to, listen, cry with etc. Over time however I began to feel that I was just a shoulder to cry on, and that he was not moving forward with his life or doing what needed to be done to help get himself out of his rut. If I'm honest, it was also because I found being around him exhausting, after he'd talk to me for hours I just felt like I had a load dumped on me and he'd walk away feeling better.
Around that time I shifted my behavior to encourage him to start bringing positive habits to his life - working out, setting a schedule for himself (getting out of bed before noon), talking to a therapist, etc. Rather than listening to his complaints and commiserating, I began to say things like "that sucks, what do you plan on doing about this?" and "what are some things you think would help you feel better about this?" to try to put the 'ball in his court' so to speak. I noticed as soon as I did this our talks became much shorter, ie: before we'd talk for hours, now it was 5 minutes at most. It was around that time we began drifting apart, and he moved back in with our parents.
Flash forward a few years and I find out that my parents have been paying for everything for him - buying him cars, paying for food, entertainment, etc. to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars a year. It was causing a lot of stress and burden on my parents, my mother had enough and told him he needed to get a job and move out, and he responded that if they tried to force him to do either of those things he would kill himself. I told my parents to notify a mental health professional about the threat, but they were afraid of him being committed and didn't. Over the next few years, in my opinion he financially abused my parents, and mentally abused them by constantly threatening to kill himself when confronted by his abhorrent behavior. After trying everything I could to help my parents (and him) I cut ties with with my brother because I came to believe that he is a malignant narcissist who cannot really be helped.
Over time he found himself a girlfriend, and were talking about getting married last fall. My family and I had moved to another country and were planning on flying back for the event. The summer before the wedding my wife and I had plans for my parents to visit us and see their grandchildren, who they hadn't seen in over a year. Out of the blue, I get an email from my brother to the whole family that they're moving up their wedding date... to the weekend my parents were supposed to be flying in to see us.
While I wanted to go to the wedding to see family I hadn't seen in years, I refused to go a) because I object to my parents paying for more of my brother's life, b) him manipulating my parents into not seeing their grandchildren, and c) I'd just had enough of his shit. The night of the wedding, I was getting sent videos and pictures from my whole family about what a great time it was and everyone was so happy. It was a huge punch in the gut that I missed out on that event.
To this day when talking to my family I get references about how "I should have been there" and "it was too bad you couldn't make it". I also get the feeling that I burned some bridges with my other family members for standing for my principles rather than caving to my brother's manipulation, even if it ended in a good time. I regret not going to see everyone, but I don't regret not going because I can't support my brother's behavior.
​
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ep1FpinWG5fRCI7b37MrXrvbnb0iDNBp
|
ah47rv
|
{
"description": "not wanting a kid at school to play video games with me and my friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not wanting a kid at school to play video games with me and my friends?
|
So sometimes I bring my Nintendo Switch to school because me and my friends like to play Smash, whenever we play though there’s a kid in our class who always comes over to the group of us and asks to play. I don’t want to call him mentally challenged, but at the very least he’s quite socially inexperienced, abnormally so, but I could be wrong. Anyways, typically I will ignore his request to play and keep talking with my friends but whenever a match ends he’ll ask if me or my friends can give up the controller so he can play. I don’t really like that he invites himself over and asks for us to give up our controller. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
Sc9sGqRiBNYa0Y8INECCD2DACCYjNejQ
|
ambqag
|
{
"description": "wanting to cut ties with my close friend of 4 years because I don't want to deal with his drama anymore",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to cut ties with my close friend of 4 years because I don't want to deal with his drama anymore?
|
This is kind of a long story, so there's a tldr at the end.
So the context of my situation is that I'm a 16-year old girl in high school, and I have been friends with this guy, "Kevin", also 16, for almost 4 years. We've always been pretty close. We tend to play-flirt with each other as a joke, but neither of us had feelings for each other at the time. However, near the beginning of this school year (in September), I found out that he liked me. I turned him down, and I thought things were fine, but then I messed things up. I continued to play-flirt with him, despite my knowledge of his feelings for me, because of course I am a teenager who is absolutely stupid and naive. Long story short, that escalated into me leading him on and then blaming him for misinterpreting my signals (yes, I already know I'm the asshole in that situation. I apologized to him about it way later, and he's not holding it against me, but I'm aware that that still doesn't exactly make me the good guy).
We ended up arguing about it through text, and during it, Kevin just snapped at me, "Sometimes I wish a guy would take advantage of your flirting so you'd learn." Obviously, that dealt a huge blow on me, and I called him out for it and said goodnight. Normally, I easily forgive people, and I would've forgave him eventually (I know he's really bad at communication). However, a couple days after the incident, with no notice, he SHOWED UP TO MY HOUSE AT 8:30 PM ON A WEEKDAY TO PERSONALLY APOLOGIZE. I told him to leave immediately because my parents would be arriving any minute (they were out shopping) and would be disturbed, but he refused to leave and tried to give this huge apology thing. I told him he was being creepy for showing up at my house at night without consent, and he responded, "How is this creepy?" Later that night he realized what he did and sent yet another long apology text. He told me that he thought he had to go "the extra mile" in order to get his apology across.
After that whole incident, we started ignoring each other. Then, a few months later he sent me walls of text that was generally like "I'm so sorry. I've been nothing but an idiot, and I deserve to lose you." I had no idea how to respond because, in all honesty, it was the cheesiest and cringiest thing I have ever read. I told him I forgave him and that he wasn't losing me or anything like that. I thought that would fix things, but we're still avoiding each other. It also doesn't help that one of our mutual friends (and my best friend) has now cut him from her life because she's fed up with his antics, too (he tends to cause trouble in class).
I want to fix our friendship, but it's gotten to the point where I don't want to deal with him anymore. He just makes everything worse by making a dramatic scene out of it. We used to be so close, but now I don't really care what happens to us in the future. Before all of this happened, Kevin told me that I was one of the few people he really trusted, even among his family. I don't want to ditch my friend, but at the same time I really just want to end this.
tldr: After my close friend of 4 years told me he liked me, our friendship has been really iffy. He has caused so much unnecessary drama in my life that I want to cut him off completely. I know I could probably fix it, but at this point I see no reason why I should.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
5zBln8Xv3SaQR8z3SpSnN6g8dBx2h4Wz
|
ahy6b1
|
{
"description": "breaking the kitchen glass door",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for breaking the kitchen glass door?
|
*sorry for any Grammer or spelling mistakes English isn't my native language*
So this is my first post on reddit and the reason why I even made an account I will try to keep this post unbiased and not bring my opinion in to this post because I'm very curios if I maybe have a wrong view point.
So today I had dispute with my brother ( I'm M 16 and he's M 18) he was cooking something when I entered the kitchen. I came and wanted to take my cup of tee out of the kitchen and then he took a wet kitchen cloth twisted it up and hit my leg with it (I was just in my underwears so it hurt pretty bad). He has been doing this for some years now and I always told him that he shouldn't do it cause I really hate it and I just lost it when he did it this time.
I told him dude why the do you always do this and I kicked his leg and proceeded to grapple the towel out of his hand. When I had it I told him you wouldn't also like it when I would hit you with this. He then got angry and told me with a serious face that I should get out of the kitchen and I said why I want to talk about this now it has been bugging me fore years. He tried to push me out of the kitchen (I was very close to the door at that moment) I pushed back but I didn't wanted to use violence after like 2 to 3 trys he pushed me past the kitchen door and I stretched my arm out with the intend of stopping the door but he slammed it and it crashed throug my arm. At that moment our parents came and stopped the "fight".
My arm had luckily only some small cuts on it and and no one got seriously injured.
So what I'm asking now is am I the asshole for not leaving the kitchen and wanting to talk it out
or is my brother the asshole for acting like this.
My mother told me that I had also should take for a part of the blame because I wasn't taking in to account that something like this could happen and I was trying to stand my ground and sometime this isn't the best idea.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
aNOhaM5cHlITZsym8Pms58Ilhcufgje9
|
aidx3a
|
{
"description": "quitting ski because I am too scared or my husband who judges me for being a quitter",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for quitting ski because I am too scared or my husband who judges me for being a quitter?
|
My husband (M 26) and I (F 24) got married last March. He loves to ski, but I only skied once and it was horrible. This January he planned a 5-day ski trip with a few of our friends and invited me. I knew I was scared of gravity and deep slope, but I would love to try to take lessons and hopefully I would be ok. The first day in ski school, when I face down the slope my entire body was shaking. He was there for me for the second half of class which I really appreciated, but I hate the feeling of speed plus gravity pulling me over, I don't want to experience it again unless I have to.
After the horrible and exhausting experience, I asked him to return my ski equipment to save some money. He refused and said, "You can rest tomorrow, we will talk about this later." I freaked out because I really don't want to ski again, and I apologized for not be able to do it and I can give him money back. He got mad at me for not trying enough, and said if I was this afraid of the deep slope, I should go see a doctor about it.
Later when we discussed it again, he said he suggested the doctor therapy only because he never heard about someone be this scared of slope and try to help me. He was unintentional to be mean or rude (which might be worse).
I am very disappointed at my husband, 1, he cannot accept the fact that I don't want to try more; 2, he cannot accept that everyone is different and ask me to see a doctor; 3, he still thinks he did nothing wrong about what he said, its all me to make ski worse in my head.
I understand overcome fear is awesome, but I don't need to overcome every fear in my life, the ski is one of them. I expect my husband to understand my desires and respect my choice instead of talking down to me.
Is he an asshole, or I deserve this and I should just keep practicing.
(English is not my native language, pardon my grammar errors)
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
S1sGSgFhRtlYBkLWR79r6RfIUFP6lnWZ
|
adrfbl
|
{
"description": "cutting a child soccer ball in half",
"pronormative_score": 43,
"contranormative_score": 76
}
|
AITA for cutting a child soccer ball in half?
|
A kid across the street from me got a soccer ball for christmas, and he and his little friends are always playing ball in the street. Every day since he got it, his ball comes over my fence, and bounces off my wall. I have asked the kids to be careful, I've asked thier parents to watch them, because I have a small child that likes to sit in my yard under the big tree and read. I dont want her to get hit.
Today, I am in my room, and my daughter is in the den, sitting in the window reading. I hear a crash, and I run into the room. Fucking soccer ball broke the window. My daughter is fighting back the tears because a piece of glass cut her on the leg.
I am so pissed. I put a bandage on my daughters leg, and glare out of the window. I see little kids scattering.
About 40 mins later, the ringleader comes over to my gate. I can hear him trying to climb over. When I go to the window, he asks for his ball back. He has about 7 other little kids from the neighborhood with him.
I say sure, one second. I grab the Bowie knife I keep up in the closet.(its about 8 inches). I walk outside, pick up the ball and open the gate. I ask if this was his ball. He says yes. I proceed to stab the ball, then slice it in 2, like an orange. Then I slide the knife into its holster, and hand him the 2 pieces of his ball. He ran off in tears.
It felt great for like 5 mins, then I just felt like an asshole.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 43,
"EVERYBODY": 20,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 43,
"WRONG": 76
}
|
WRONG
|
PB6Kt86yHhdUOzWG4qYjl1yK9eQPFCno
|
b8c4lr
|
{
"description": "not liking my girlfriend's fake pregnancy April Fools joke",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not liking my girlfriend’s fake pregnancy April Fools joke?
|
I’m 24, girlfriend is 20.
So obviously I’m an idiot for believing her. I just thought this was one of those things everyone knows not to do as a joke, so I thought surely my normally smart and caring girlfriend wouldn’t do something like that.
Right now I’m pretty furious with her and she doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal, saying “everyones gotta do the pregnancy April fools joke once”. Am I overreacting here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Q3ezTgY56mjqbLYNlOOzyuvoPFaX656p
|
aqhw71
|
{
"description": "ruining my friends' facebook satire/prank when it seemed like too many gullible people were getting legitimately upset over it",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ruining my friends’ Facebook satire/prank when it seemed like too many gullible people were getting legitimately upset over it?
|
My friends created a fake Facebook page, claiming to be the mayor of a nearby city. The mayor had deleted their real Facebook page last year.
They then started posting claims about ridiculous budget spending and crazy bylaw plans. They were really stupid, like claiming to spend over $20 million dollars on repainting some crosswalks. Then they shared links to the posts on local Facebook groups that had lots of members.
You’d think that most people wouldn’t believe it and realize that it’s satire, but lots of people didn’t. They were getting mad and posting really angry comments on them. They were insulting the mayor and saying that the mayor should be impeached. My friends wouldn’t shut down the page, so I started replying to people’s angry comments saying that it was a hoax and links to a local news article stating that the mayor had shut down their Facebook page.
Eventually the page was shut down. But my friends said I was a dick I’d ruined the fun of it. “People believing The Onion’s posts is the best part”. I think I did a good deed by preventing what could have become a local political issue and gotten them in trouble.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
wHzNsRbFApe4FMlZsVl1brLSebHoKJWD
|
aq9uqx
|
{
"description": "going to a concert without my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I go to a concert without my boyfriend?
|
I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 months. He introduced me to this really great band called Rainbow Kitten Surprise. I had never heard of them before.
I thought RKS was so great, I made my friend listen to them. She really liked them, too. Turns out, they have a concert on the 15th of February. My boyfriend is in college, which is about 3 hours away. I worked it all out, he could make it to the concert, which is about 2 hours away from where I live. I asked him if he could go and he said," I would really love to, but I have a computer science exam I need to study for."
He acts like he really wants to go. I know he wants to go so I told him he can study while he's down here for the weekend. I feel awful, I wouldn't know this band without him. He loves them so much. My friend bought me and her a ticket, I just feel terrible. WIBTA if I go?
TL;DR My boyfriend introduced me to a band and they have a concert on Friday. He would love to go, but he just can't. WIBTA if I go without him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
4DF4ddtgnbS3DyML84v296lReWEBF54R
|
avj7yb
| null |
AITA
|
AITA ,so my bf (18) got tickets to a concert , the tickets were cheap (£13) each , I really wanted to see them with him , when we got there , I didn't have id with me ( this was the first concert I've been to , so I didn't know ) so I got stamped underage , he had I'd, so he got the overage stamp , I was really thirsty , so I asked if we can get some water , he said he will get two beers , I said in stamped underage, but he did it anyway, we got caught , and I got told I had to leave, but he could stay , he met out front with me and told me , I said he could go , because , that's what your meant to do, but I looked really sad , it was beyond clear I didn't mean it , but he said he was gonna stay . He left me in the middle of London , Drunk and high , an 18 year girl . Then it turned out , he couldn't go back in , so he came home , and made it feel like I ruined his day . AITA For bringing angry , and IiTA for wanting to tell him
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
oG7Qt3jCm8wluKkQzPBq9MjNhR9dhj9G
|
akfl5r
|
{
"description": "not wanting to teach my BF's sister how to wax her own eyebrows when that's what I do for a living",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not wanting to teach my BF’s sister how to wax her own eyebrows when that’s what I do for a living?
|
I’m a licensed esthetician and my main focus at my job is doing eyebrow waxing.
My boyfriends mom and 12 year old sister have been coming to me to get their brows waxed for quite a while now, but for Christmas their mom wanted to get his sister a wax pot because she doesn’t want her daughter to be “high-maintenance” at twelve. She mentioned it to me and was asking about where to get one/what kind to get and I offered to get a better quality one for her at a beauty supply store (you have to be a licensed esthetician or cosmetologist to shop there).
To be clear I take no offense to her not wanting to bring her to me every month for a brow wax. I don’t get to set my own prices where I work and we are a little pricier than some other places. The problem I’m having is that she’s now brought up several times that I need to teach her how to wax her own brows now that she has a wax pot. I’m feeling a little used since that’s literally what I do to make a living and I had to pay a lot of money to go to school to be able to do it. I also already went out of my way for her by getting the wax pot in the first place.
I haven’t flat out refused to teach her yet because I wasn’t sure if I’m just being sensitive or not and I’m not sure how to tell her no. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
etlbdw9NV96EqGfmaa3TFfeL5GcSQg9V
|
a9u0ys
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my girlfriend for lying to me about using vapes",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend for lying to me about using vapes?
|
Throwaway.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for close to a year now, but we had been good friends for a couple of years before that. Before we started dating, I made it very clear to her how I was totally against cigs and vapes (lost grandfather to heart condition due to smoking). When we started dating last year, I found out that while she doesn't buy cigs/vapes herself, if she's ever out with her friends then she might use them. I didn't really mind this; I did ask her, however, to tell me if she were ever considering buying a vape or take up smoking because it's something that I wasn't totally comfortable with and we would need to have a conversation about it. She promised me we would if she ever considered it, and that was that.
Fast forward to last month, I found a juul charger connected to her laptop. I asked her about it, but she swore it was a charger for some make-up device and that she was borrowing it from a friend anyway. I pressed though, and she admitted that it was a juul charger, and that she had had the juul or 6 months now. When she told me that, I fell silent for a moment then told her that I was going home. She didn't stop me, but as I was driving home I got some texts saying how I was being extremely selfish and that I'm an asshole and have no right to be upset. Tbh, I'm more upset about the fact that she lied to me rather than the actual juul, but I don't know if I'm allowed to be mad at her or not.
I don't want to control her at all, that's not my intention. But I hate the fact that she hid this from me. I wish she had been upfront, I'm just not sure how to react.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
Ipui8C6KC0gdbSfSnbedfqsQ7atOpTEf
|
ajlx11
|
{
"description": "cutting all contact with an autistic person who has considered me her only friend in the city",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for cutting all contact with an autistic person who has considered me her only friend in the city
|
TL;DR my breaking point is rape apologists
There's a girl who has been in my grad program for 3 years. From the get go she had major issues. In undergrad her parents spoiled her so much that they drove her from class to class. This is the first time she's been independent from her parents and it really shows. She's very obviously on the spectrum to anyone who talks to her for more than 30 seconds but she thinks it's this whole secret because her parents told her not to tell anyone and I don't think she received therapy despite very clearly not being a well adjusted person. From the get go things were bad.During her visiting day before deciding to come here for grad school she cried very loudly in the visitor's office because some other visiting grad student got into the school she wanted to go to. Week 1 she meets all of the other first years and they go through orientation.
During one of the classes we took together the second week (I'm in a year above so we were in some of the same electives) she noticed that I was organizing people to do our problem sets together. She asks for my number directly and I tell her we meet on X day at X time. She says she doesn't want to work with anyone in her year because she doesn't like any of them "especially Y person", which she loudly whispers. I was literally sitting right next to another person in her year so he heard the entire thing. There's a few other grad students who try to reach out because she was obviously having a hard time adjusting and I help out. One by one she stops responding to their texts with one excuse after another until I'm the only person in the department that she doesn't hate. This is really confusing because I have a lot of the same personality traits that Y person has and she hated him within 5 minutes. There's also a professor who is the most empathetic to her case, she has an autistic son so she has a lot of experience knowing how to empathise with people on the spectrum but this girl hates this professor too because during class the professor has bad handwriting and misspells things (incidentally this is attributed to the fact that this professor is dyslexic, but the girl doesn't care). It got to the point where she yelled anti semitic slurs at that professor, which is really sad because the professor was one of the nicest people I know.
Anyway, all that aside she asks to hang out every weekend. The only way I can really stand hanging out with her is if we play Pokemon go together. She has these comics that she draws and shoves in people's faces whenever she gets the chance. She is completely uninterested in anyone else's writing or art. When we play Pokemon go it gives me an excuse to check out of the conversation, makes it difficult for her to make me read her comics and gives a time limit of how long we can hang out. (Am I also an asshole for doing this?)
Every time we hang out I come out of it just feeling awful, to the point that people around me tell me it's unhealthy to be around someone that toxic. She talks about herself constantly. At some point she talks about how much more open people are about mental health here in comparison to people in the state she previously lived in. I tell her that I generally am pretty open about being bipolar because I want to make people feel like they can talk to me about stuff. She responds "well don't talk to me about being depressed because it'll make me depressed". Whenever I bring up anything personal she either shuts it down or turns it into somehow get being a victim constantly (am I the asshole here for being pissed off that she shuts it down despite the fact that she probably doesn't really feel comfortable talking about problems?)
I tried all kinds of things to try and make it easier to hang out with her, I tried to invite other people so I wouldn't feel like the entire burden was on me (she refused because she hated everyone else including people who's names she didn't even know). I read her comics (which I absolutely hate) so I could talk to her about things. At my lowest I started taking shots before hanging out with her just to make it a little more bearable
This went on for 2 years with me thinking that it won't be that bad every time I hang out with her and then coming out of it feeling like shit because she constantly shits on the science I study and the work I do. I keep putting off hanging out with her because I honestly fucking hate it by this point (asshole for not being up front about this?), but I get guilty every few weeks and so we hang out for a few hours. My breaking point was something about a professor who sexually harassed a grad student in our department. I had to tell her which professor it was because she was considering doing research with him. The last time we hung out, I was talking about how I wanted to leave academia because it was all too toxic concerning sexual harassment and assault. This is the fourth sexual harassment case I've seen thrown out despite the fact that some of those sexual harassment cases were criminal. She, of course, shat on that decision because clearly *she* cares so much more about the science. She was just confused about how to think about the whole thing and she said kind of out of the blue "am I just supposed to assume my dad is secretly a rapist?". I told her that you just had to trust people and sometimes that trust will be broken. I told her that once there was someone who I trusted more than anything and he ended up doing something fucked up to me that has scarred me since then. I don't remember what she said but it was bad enough that I just had to walk away. Didn't look back
She later texted me "apologizing" saying that she didn't want to follow me because she felt too awkward to be supportive. She said it hit "close to home" because the harasser was nice to her once. I literally told her about the most traumatic experiences of my life and she still turns it around into her being the victim. I sent her a message saying that it's unacceptable to talk to someone about sexual assault like that, blocked her number, blocked her on all social media, changed my screen name on games.
I feel really shitty because this is the first time I've openly said something is unacceptable to say despite the fact she's been saying awful stuff for years with no one to tell her not to. She and others blame her lack of self awareness on the autism, but after 3 years I think she's also just a spoiled asshole. My boyfriend put it best saying that she was in a video game and I was just an NPC in her life that she could talk to and would always give her information without any back and forth. I feel like such a selfish asshole for shutting someone out because I couldn't make conversations about me, or receive any support for my problems, when it's also not her job to help me or be my therapist. I feel like I should give her one more chance and this time be more open in telling her when things aren't socially unacceptable but I really just don't want to. I don't have any experience with other people this far out on the spectrum so I have no idea if I have just mishandled the situation for years or if I should just accept that it's not my job to change her. It's really just the worse that she says I'm her only friend in this city because that's really the only thing that had kept me talking to her for so long and now she just doesn't have friends .
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
zzoObsiAZTpJfrfhEyamDI0mYo5670iL
|
awj5e8
|
{
"description": "being upset (and possibly vengeful) because my boyfriend is being inconsiderate",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being upset (and possibly vengeful) because my boyfriend is being inconsiderate?
|
A brief background - I have been working in my career since graduating college 5 years ago and have lived comfortably thanks to my hard work. My boyfriend went to college a little later in life and is currently working on getting jobs in his field. Though we live in the same city, being in different places in our lives at the moment has created some conflict, since we can’t necessarily always do the same things.
I have done as much as I can to include him in things that require spending money by offering to cover it (I wanted to have the experiences together), always been understanding when he can't be around because of working odd jobs on weekends to keep his finances stable, those types of things.
A few of my friends and I decided to take a weekend trip soon to a city no one but I had ever visited. I jumped on this opportunity to be the guide of all our debauchery! I instantly knew I wanted to ask my boyfriend to join. He said he wouldn't be able to because of the cost. I offered to cover it and he accepted. There's been a ton of excitement and chatting surrounding this trip ever since.
Fast forward to now. I wake up this morning to him telling me that a large group of his friends from college are going to a cabin in the woods near my hometown next weekend and they miss him and want him to go. It's very short notice and would require him to take off of work.
I know he was super excited getting that text and also rushing to get out the door to work, but as I sit here thinking there are a few things that are bothering me and 2 things that definitely have me hurt. I'm bothered by the fact that he didn't in the moment think to ask me about going or even hint at gauging my interest. I'm also bothered that he would so quickly be okay with not working for a weekend and risk his financial stability - I only say this because he has been very open and talks about his predicament quite a bit.
What I'm hurt by is that for the last 2 months I have asked him to take off or work later hours on a Sunday (not the whole weekend) to come support me and my sports team during a match. This is a group I have played with year-round for 5 years and they are like family to me. Hasn't made the effort once. Not to mention… next weekend is the season ending championships and our team party, which I clearly expressed I really wanted him to be a part of multiple times. I'm also hurt that after just including him in my experience with my friends, he then went on to contemplate a solo group trip without even making me feel considered.
The feelings are fresh and I don't think I would do this, but the thought crossed my mind to tell him he isn't welcome on the trip with my friends anymore. I'm not sure if I am right to be so bothered and hurt by this, and I do feel shitty that I've toyed with the idea of cancelling on him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
DlIrBmA52oYUk6dNMmSX2Bo0Xh1jlxSw
|
ac74q4
|
{
"description": "not wanting to listen to documentaries while working",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to listen to documentaries while working
|
As soon as all coworkers leave and there is only me and one other coworker. He immediately starts to watch documentaries and all kind of videos (with loud sound). I don't mind when people don't work here, but it's just annoying to listen to the videos for 30 minutes / 1 hour until he goes home. Sometimes i have much to do sometimes I am browing the internet but i would never watch loud videos when others are around.
​
As soon as i start confronting him (did it several times) he reacts pissed and just makes a joke about it and continues to watch. i don't want to go to the teamleader because we get along okay besides that but today it bothered me so much that I made this account
​
Am i too sensitive?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ktjVCTVC2F8DLga4f96DtlKWoFXTqnUG
|
b5tpf0
|
{
"description": "going to the ER , pretending to be sick , to get a doctors note for work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA For going to the ER , pretending to be sick , to get A Doctors Note For Work
|
So basically I didn’t feel like going to work , actually I didn’t want to go to work today at all . So basically this morning I called my supervisor for this XYZ Bullsh**t job , to tell him that hey I’m sick , got the flue , another supervisor called, I told what’s the deal , exaggerated a bit , god knows why , told I was heading to the ER , she said cool , just bring a doctors note, I was stunned , (like I said Bullsh**t job, don’t know if that’s a regular policy , & I just don’t care ) after talking to her, I thought maybe I’m imagining things , then my own supervisor send a text , saying he hopes for my recovery , & that I don’t forget to get a docs note for my absence , so I decided to go to a ER , Lie , say I’m unbearably sick , & hopefully get a note from a doc excusing my absence, or next time I see them , be like “ oh geez wheez , gosh darned , I forgot , but you can hit them up , to ask them wheather I went to a Er anyway , if they are inclined to investigate, & regardless I’ll have all my bases covered , wasted 8 dollars today for a parking ramp, so people Am I AITA for wasting the hospital’s resources because of my shenanigans??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 22
}
|
WRONG
|
Ru7MGfciEg14iroxiNInH9xC2ciGOhWr
|
9vm75t
|
{
"description": "taking a stray kitten to",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I took a stray kitten to
|
I found a kitten in front of my condo at 9pm last Thursday. I stood outside for 20 minutes and let her climb trees hoping I’d find somebody searching for her but nobody else was outside.
She followed me into my house and I got her food and a litter box. I just didn’t feel comfortable leaving her out to be eaten by the foxes. She’s about 2 or 2 1/2 months old, so she is kinda prime adoption age.
I put up flyers around my neighborhood, my friend who lives in the same neighborhood put her up on the next door app. I never found the owner.
Problem is - I’m allergic. She can’t stay here. I’ve asked everyone I know and nobody wants a kitten. My neighbor got my hopes up and said his ex and his friend wanted kittens but both of those fell through.
I keep her in my bathroom all night while I sleep and every time I am not at home because my home isn’t kitten proof and I have a very expensive couch that she’s already ripped.
I feel bad making her stay in the bathroom but I really didn’t ask for this. I really tried hard to find her a home and haven’t had any luck and she deserves a home where she is wanted and where she can run around and play and not get in trouble for being a kitten.
Would I be an asshole if I took her to the humane society? I don’t like the idea because they kill animals if they can’t be adopted but she is a kitten and I think she could be adopted, I just feel really bad because I don’t like supporting shelters that kill animals, but this adorable kitten deserves a better home than mine and the longer she is here the more I feel like she must feel like a kidnap victim :(
TL;DR: I found a kitten, can’t find the owner, I’m allergic - would I be an asshole if I took her to the humane society?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
1FreMHwe9pQqcVFjLWzpNiRaYoLkkoAk
|
b4ohtf
|
{
"description": "saying an Elderly Woman's Wig looks stupid",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For Saying an Elderly Woman's Wig Looks Stupid?
|
Last night, I was visiting my aunt in the assisted living facility she's been staying at temporarily. We were in her room watching TV when she mentioned that she is considering getting a wig. She was struggling with a condition that made her hair brittle and thin. That has been resolved but she is self conscious about how she looks. She is only 70 so her hair would look considerably worse than her peers.
We were having this discussion in her private room at the facility with the door slightly open because a nurse's aide had come in to start giving her the evening medication and check her blood sugar.
As my aunt and I were having the discussion, I said that I didn't think a wig would be bad, especially if it made her feel better about her self. I then added "Just make sure you get a decent quality one. Not one like that other lady here wears. That one looks stupid and really fake". For context, "that lady" is probably 90 years old and wears a prodominantly dark grey wig with white accents, rolled into tight helmet like curls. I also said this to my aunt in a normal voice, about 20 feet from the door to the hallway, with the TV still on in the background.
The nurse's aide, who hadn't been part of the conversation, jumped in and said "Don't let (Wig Wearer) hear you! It is really important to (wig wearer's daughter) that her mom looks good.".
My response was to confirm that I had no intention of saying anything to anyone outside of my aunt but that the wig did look really obvious and kinda stupid. The aide then stated "Yeah, but if her daughters heard you, that is discrimination. They would probably tell (director of facility)." I said that it wasn't discrimination and that I wasn't calling (wig wearer) stupid but that it was my opinion that the wig did not look good. The aide stated again that there were rules against discrimination so I should be careful.
At this point, I thought it best to drop it with the aide since she was upset and not following my explanation. I have never said anything to (wig wearer) directly, nor would I ever. I would hope that, by the time you are that age, you are ok with being yourself. But again, to each his own.
I wasn't planning on debating this point with anyone when I said it but the reaction from the aide had me wondering. Was ITA or are people getting a little too sensitive about what 'discrimination' really is?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
vzLf6Ch2BYnkzMi3nmISlRI8rlqn3DOL
|
ahamuo
|
{
"description": "making a sarcastic, fatalistic statement about height",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making a sarcastic, fatalistic statement about height?
|
Some background knowledge here:
My friends and I are all very short — I’m about 1.55m, the tallest of us it at most 1.64m.
Being teenagers, most of our humour comes from hyperbole and exaggeration in a sarcastic (and often fatalistic) manner.
My friends and I tend to tease each other a lot, including height-related remarks.
This took place in a group chat. I sent a message saying that we ought to breed tall people out of existence, because they were too difficult for a short person such as myself to talk to, and for the sake of equality. I was trying to mock my own height, pointing out the irrationality in obsessing over physical characteristics that one cannot control and mocking exaggerated notions of equality (since communist and socialist jokes are common amongst people our age).
A snippet of what I said:
Can we breed all tall people out of existence? Sterilise all people above 1.75m.
(edited for grammar, typos and punctuation)
One of my friends, an ex-basketball player, took offence as height was important to the sport, which I apologised for.
However, some of my other friends felt that it was selfish (they thought I genuinely wanted to commit mass genocide simply because of the inconvenience that came with communicating with a person of great height differential) and made an indirect comparison of my statement to anti-Semitic Nazi jokes. After which, I apologised for such.
For the record, I know what I said was definitely insensitive (I was unaware that my friend was sensitive about height, as she has teased me about my height in the past) and likely in bad taste. However, people in my school and community often make insensitive, exaggerated and fatalistic jokes (e.g. suicide jokes), so I don’t see why this was so bad. It’s not as though there have been any mass genocides related to height (to my knowledge). We are also all girls, and girls (to my belief) tend to be less insecure about their height than boys.
AITA for making insensitive height-related remarks?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
lsrcd1ez0N7ZmLzNxyTRUqQVjN2VT206
|
anfda0
|
{
"description": "calling someone out for claiming they have OCD",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I called someone out for claiming they have OCD?
|
I've had pretty bad OCD my whole life so it really bugs me when people use it as a synonym for being organized, particular, anal, etc. but I usually don't say anything. I do feel like using OCD in this way takes away from how destructive and debilitating it can be, but I generally prefer to avoid conflict. However, a kid in one of my classes recently described how he had "self-diagnosed OCD" because it bugs him when pages fall out of his sketchbook. Should I just continue to silently judge him or call him out on it (respectfully) if he brings it up again?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ii45Ex8h8h6pZsLJWgNVOOiBPodHwBaX
|
anb5qo
|
{
"description": "not going to my brother's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going to my brother's wedding?
|
So, some context. To put things lightly, my family relationships are strained. There's a lot of history that I don't feel like I need to get into, but my parents are both narcissists with substance abuse issues (mom in recovery, dad in denial), and because of that, the family dynamic has always been rough enough that my siblings and I are not close as adults. I moved away for university, graduated, built a nice career and eventually moved overseas, and time and TONS of distance have been good for all of us. We're generally all respectful to one another and catch up occasionally via text in a family group chat. It works well enough and everyone seems fine with it.
My younger brother is getting married next summer. Until recently, I had been planning on going to the wedding, because, you know, lack of closeness aside, he's my brother.
A couple weeks ago, that brother was out partying while the rest of the family was having a pretty benign catch-up chat in the family group text. I know he was out partying because his fiancée is in that group text and told us he was unavailable because he was out with his friends. We were talking about The Bachelor, I think, when drunk brother made an appearance in the chat and started absolutely berating me, calling me fat, an embarrassment to the family, etc. No one said anything to him; the chat just fell kind of awkwardly silent after that. I sent a last text calling him out pretty hard, because ya know, no one's standing up for me so I better stand up for myself. I deleted the chat so I don't remember exactly, but I said something along the lines of, "Getting drunk and alienating your friends and family is a pretty textbook symptom of the alcoholism that runs in the family. Something to think about when you sober up." Then I exited the chat.
I thought to myself at the time it would have been nice if he'd apologized, but also, I've known him since he was born and I certainly didn't expect that. It's been a few weeks and I haven't heard from him at all. No one else in the family has addressed it.
So this is kind of where I'm at. I've been making plans to travel back to the U.S. for his wedding, which is expensive and inconvenient and requires me to take quite a bit of time off work. I was fine with that, but now, the idea of getting there and being like, "We haven't interacted in six months and the last time, you drunkenly berated me in the family group chat but congrats on the wedding bro!" isn't exactly appealing, you know? This whole incident also has me thinking, does he even want me there? I don't know. This all sucks, and I'm tired of family stuff constantly sucking. I know I should just talk to him about it, but I've spent so many years and so much emotional energy on family baggage, and for once I'd just like to take the easy road and just quietly not go.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xdQYDmJhBhL3aZTmTK5AnimEppxfYolO
|
av1svy
|
{
"description": "leaving my prom group and not going (and everything it would mean) since it is falling apart",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for leaving my prom group and not going (and everything it would mean) since it is falling apart?
|
I’ll try to give a quick explanation of why it’s falling apart, and a bit of background
Our junior prom group consists of 8 people, 4 guys and 4 girls (me, Alex, John, and Pete are the guys, and Sara, Lucy, Madeline, and Lily are our dates, respectively(not our real names).
Alex used to date Lily a couple years ago, but now Alex is dating Lucy. Because of this, Lucy hates Lily and Lily hates her back because of how hostile Lucy is.
We are meeting at Lily’s house for pictures and to get picked up by the limo. Alex wasn’t going to tell his mom because Alex’s mom doesnt want him going to Lily’s because she is on Lucy’s side on this, but Lucy told her anyways. Since Alex had to tell Lily that they couldn’t go to her house for this, Lily and Lucy started getting mad at eachother and arguing. The original group was going to be Me, Alex, and John and our dates as we’ve been friends for a long time. Since Alex wouldn’t have been able to go, he asked Me and John if we just wanted to go ourselves, but John told Lily about this (she was already suspecting it).
Now Lily and Lucy are hostile as ever, Alex is mad at Lucy for not sucking up the fact that we were going with Lily and at John cuz he told Lily, Lily is mad at him because he tried to get us to ditch. Alex is saying he doesn’t even want to go anymore.
The group is falling apart and I’m not sure if I even want to go anymore, but my date (Sara) is out of the loop on all of this and Id have to tell her I’m not going so I cant take her. There’s also the fact that lily might have already ordered the Limo but I’d be happy to still pay for my own share if she can’t cancel or part of the cancelation fee. I just don’t know what I’m gonna do yet though
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
GZ8x7warDPYbdyUUqXsiC6TfSp5GTVX6
|
alro7y
|
{
"description": "deleting awful pictures of me from my friends phone",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for deleting awful pictures of me from my friends phone?
|
A while ago I was sending my mum some prom photos of me in a suit, which I hate. I accidentally sent them to my friend’s group chat, and whilst I deleted them when I realised my mistake, her phone must have saved them to her camera roll.
These photos were pretty awful so she teased me about it a lot, which I laughed about but wasn’t really 100% ok with (prom in general kind of sucked for me). A few months later when she wasn’t looking I deleted the photos from her phone, and she found out today. Anyway she was pretty pissed about it and I felt a little indignant so wanted to check before I become a complete idiot.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
sAncD1RuOUwMddeq6zDRDw3mLEbJqtyw
|
an3w1p
|
{
"description": "claiming my friend as a dependent and using the return for bills/debt",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
Aita for claiming my friend as a dependent and using the return for bills/debt
|
Okay, first time posting. So back story is my wife and I have my childhood friend living with us to watch our son while we're at work, he doesnt pay any bills we have and we pay him 75 a week for whatever needs we can't/don't accommodate. He streams on twitch on my computer with an Xbox we bought him. We pay for food, rent, electricity, higher speed internet for streaming, his phone, he has no car so occasionally uses mine so gas/insurance.
I'm trying to file my taxes, and put him down as a dependent, because from what I understand he is technically. It is going to add an extra 500 dollars to our return and my wife and I agreed to give him half as like a thank you, because otherwise if he filed alone he wouldn't get anything. But now we're getting into this heated argument as to why he should get it all. I'm not trying to be stingy but I don't understand why he should get it all if we do spend a decent amount on him as well as our son. If I am the asshole go easy on me. Just help me understand it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
QmciLY4oxx8Hk0Alr8BHuVl0DchazDhb
|
b27gpv
|
{
"description": "commenting favorably on a short colleague's height",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for commenting favorably on a short colleague's height?
|
I was chatting with a colleague at work. He's a much younger guy. (If it matters, I'm a woman.) He was talking about working on camera as a double. I told him he's got a great build for that kind of work because so many A-listers are really short. Then I babbled for a bit about my theory that smaller people have more symmetrical features and that is what we find attractive. (Both based on studies I've read about.) That's when I noticed he seemed to be dying inside and finally shut up. I was honestly trying to be positive and encouraging. I don't have a height hangup myself. I am tall. It would limit my options too much. In fact I I almost married a guy who barely came up to my chin when I was in heels. I forgot that a lot of short men are sensitive about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
E8JbnCOFRiarnBvF8AX0PoxKRfccVtvQ
|
9wloyt
|
{
"description": "telling my someone studying translation that they job won't exist in a few years",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for telling my someone studying translation that they job won’t exist in a few years?
|
On my morning commute, I met up with an old friend from high school. After catching up, he mentioned how he studies translation at university (English/French). I told him that translation is a dying industry will little job prospects and that rapidly advancing technology will make his domaine obsolete in a few years. The guy was a tad offended, but mostly denied the dying nature of his field of study.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
dvDEbH8sFDnbqtenFnqQ52xi7S3bjCad
|
a5k48f
|
{
"description": "asking my husband to stop looking at porn",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for asking my husband to stop looking at porn? (NSFW)
|
Some background:
​
I consider myself (31F) to have a high libido, but my husband's (31M) is even higher. We do the nasty quite often, but I can understand that even with a lot of sex, you might need some alone time. I don't mind that he looks at porn and jacks off. I do notice on the days that he does, which are only when I'm working (M-Th), he is less interested in sex with me. He still is excited and willing, but I will be the one initiating. I've pointed this out to him and we recognize that this dynamic is great. We usually (95% of the time) both get what we want.
​
Current situation:
​
I am pregnant and my hormones are off the chart. I am so horny that I've begun sexting him and masturbating while on my break at work, which I have never done before. Every time I see my husband I am ready to rip his clothes off and make him cum (to which he always reciprocates). This extreme incline in my libido has left me wanting, because while we do have sex pretty much as often as possible, the craving is still there. Now, like I said, on days that he had jerked off, especially on days where he did it right before I got home from work, or if he did it before I woke up (he works a morning shift and I usually get home after dinner), he would be almost completely uninterested in me. Noticing this, I asked that he take a break from porn, at least until this subsides (which, since I'm entering my 2nd trimester, might be kinda soon). His reaction to this request was kind of strange, but understandable. He said that even though sex is more fun, masturbating is easier (true), and it's hard to wait around until I get home, especially since it hasn't really been a problem before and it's something he's used to just doing when he wants (understandable), and that to completely stop would be a challenge for him (this is where I am questioning myself). However, he would try.
It has been about 2 weeks, and they have been AMAZING! On top of having some really great escapades, the intimacy is nice. He has admitted to me (because I was able to tell) that he's masturbated twice since I've asked him to "save himself" all for me. I can also tell that this is not ideal for him. Even with how much we've bonded these last couple of weeks, he would prefer to do things as they were before, rather than how I have asked (He hasn't said this explicitly, but with him there is truth in all sarcasm, so I know what his true opinion is).
​
So my questions are:
​
AITA for asking this of him? Am I being selfish? I've never really been all that intrigued by porn, so even though I understand the appeal, I definitely don't "need" it. Is his "need" normal for most guys? I've only ever had short term relationships before meeting him, so this kind of issue is not something I've discussed and I need an outside opinion.
Would I be the asshole for asking for this to continue, just to see how it would go even if my sex drive drops off a bit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
69919Dk0tqw0zlQn7avPTiadJvxh0uln
|
b9zxxj
|
{
"description": "asking my fiancé's Maid of Honor to not bring her son to our wedding",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
WIBTA for asking my fiancé’s Maid of Honor to not bring her son to our wedding?
|
I (32m) and my fiancé (31f), are planning a wedding. We want it to be small, family and the closest of close friends. We’ve got it down to about 30 people. I have a 9 yo nephew, and she has 2 nephews, 8 and 4. These are all well behaved little dudes that I consider family. Her MOH has an 8 yo son. This is where it gets hairy. He is on the autistic spectrum, and he has absolutely no filter or sense of respect for anyone. He will tantrum whenever. He hits people, and he screams. It’s babadook level terror. I’ve seen it happen at weddings. This kid will just interrupt every part of the ceremony and reception.
Fiancé suggested we not invite any children, to keep it fair. But our nephews are family. Mine loves her, and her’s love me.
I’m sympathetic about MOH son’s autism. I’m not anti autism. We see him all the time. He just doesn’t handle new places, events, and groups of people well.
I feel like an asshole.
But I want my nephew and fiancés nephews there.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
RIGHT
|
WgRoiuhO08XGt537POltXFqOLuFqKZ5S
|
anvsew
|
{
"description": "not talking to her more",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not talking to her more?
|
So I met this girl online we kinda hit it off and went out a few times.
She invited me to stay the night and we made out a bit and kind of had sex??????? I didn't fit...
So we still met a few times but she kept being angry that I didn't seem invested enough, because I didn't Snapchat her enough or ask her out as much as she wanted. The first times I asked her out then she me. She said I didn't Snapchat her enough. She called me a liar for saying that my phone was broken and that I lied about it being my first time, my phone was broken the whole screen and it was my first. It felt really odd then I explained to her it was not then she asked me if I wanted to be friends with benefits. Being the awkward guy I am panicked and asked if I could think about it since she just did kind of a 180 turn.
We met two times after that, one where we were making out and then just before anything happened my mom called, I felt kind of relieved, asshole? We met once more and just walked around talking. After that I kind of just didn't think about it anymore, the past weeks I've been feeling really bad that I was an asshole since it was her first too, she said.
I didn't really know what to do so I sent her a snap, she answered the. Left my on read, am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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