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zc7mg1TYcmli8UKRFKFXBxmUNHaEDICe
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b6jqox
| null |
AITA? My gf lost inspiration because of me
|
Hey reddit, throwaway here. LTL, FTP, all that stuff.
​
I(21f) have been in a bit of a bad mood for a while for Reasons(tm) which my gf(21f) knows of and fully understands. She supports me best she can but I just feel really lackluster and it's hard for me to get excited for stuff right now.
​
My gf loves to write. I'm not a reader myself, so I can't know if she's that good, but she loves reading and writing. She has trouble keeping up with a project, though. More than once I've given her writing ideas unintentionally - through shitposts and little what-ifs we talk about on the Discord we're both on. Her latest writing research subject also indirectly ties in with a videogame we both like - for example, she's researching the classic Celtic fae, and that videogame had references to Celtic culture that she didn't realize at first.
​
So, excited, she explained them to me. I pointed out that there are other references to other cultures, like abrahamic religions and other fairytales. She didn't really take this well and she seemed pretty hurt. She told me I'd sniffed out her inspiration and she didn't feel like writing anymore. I feel bad about it, but Reddit, AITA or is she overreacting?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
YLP9fYZJHxS0NIuOkcA4czQs0wYgYD9C
|
atse23
|
{
"description": "ghosting a friend of 25 years",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for ghosting a friend of 25 years?
|
TLDR: friends for almost 25 years, he wasn’t reciprocating, so I ghosted him.
I ghosted him almost 15 years ago. Now I'm feeling bad about it.
We were best mates from the age of 13. We did everything together: school, weekends, nights out, holidays, car renovations, gaming, sporting events, surfing etc. He once said my best trait was loyalty. He apologised once for being judgemental about my prior girlfriends; I thanked him. We had a "bro code" never to let a girl (or woman) ruin the friendship. It never did. He was a great friend and I loved his company.
It took years to realise it was a one-sided friendship where I was making more effort. I still made the effort to see him every week, even after he was married. She was a client of mine & also a friend, & we previously shared an office. Examples: he came to my place maybe once for every 100 of my going to see him on the other side of the city (no exaggeration). I would initiate contact. I would pick him up. I had to make sure we had enough money to get a taxi home after a night out etc. I had his back.
After our careers started we continued to have a games night at his place every week. Once I cooked too much dinner for myself and I drove it to his place so he and his wife could have a home made meal rather than a takeaway. There are plenty of examples where I made an effort and it wasn't reciprocated - not that I was counting for the first 20 something years. I prefer quality to quantity so what friends I have tend to be very good friend. I believe friends should be for life, but not living in each others pockets.
Anyway, life got in the way and we got busy in our careers & I hadn't seen him for maybe a month or 2 given my self employment work would regularly take me to other cities. I was in the city one day so I phoned him to have lunch given it was only a 10 minute walk for me. The conversation went like this (I'm Jim\*, names changed):
\[Hey Fred it's Jim
Jim who?
Fred it's me, Jim
Oh...... Jim! I had completely forgotten about you
What?
It's like you have been erased from my mind
Fred this isn't helping. How about lunch?\]
We didn't have lunch. He was too busy or some lame ass excuse.
It was my red pill moment & after being frustrated with the friendship for maybe 2+ years, I realised what was happening & this was the straw that broke the camel's back. I had put in a lot more effort & it was never going to be appreciated/reciprocated. So I cut him & his wife off from everything. Everything. No warning. She was a client & I dropped her the next day. He tried to reach out to me a few days later & I cut him off. Total radio silence for 15 years. I never told him why.
Yesterday I figured life was too short so I reached out via email and he responded.
So, am I the asshole? Should I explain or maybe apologise?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
vqEgUVstk1rIQ79WHREGZmawvSpFg7LY
|
a8eyps
|
{
"description": "coming home late when my child was sick",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 238
}
|
AITA for coming home late when my child was sick?
|
My wife and I are in an open marriage. I have two other partners, and my wife and I have a young child.
Last night I was on a date with one of my partners while wife stayed home with child. My partner and I were cuddling between rounds when I got a call from my wife. She never calls or texts during my dates, so I figured it must be important and answered. She said that child was "vomiting everywhere" and there was a "huge mess." She asked that I come home to help. I explained to my partner what was happening. We chatted for a little while (maybe 20-30 minutes), and then I headed home (a 40 minute drive).
After I was in the car for a few minutes, my wife called. She asked where I was and how long ago I'd left my partner's place. Like an idiot, I lied and said I was almost home. She caught me in the lie and lost it. She hung up on me.
When I got home, she was livid. She said that I violated the main rule of our agreement--that she and my child always come first. I explained that it would have been rude to my partner to just bail. She just stormed off and left me to finish cleaning vomit (child got the bookshelves good). Wife has cooled down some, but I can't decide whether or not I'm the asshole.
So, AITA for sticking around to chat for a few minutes instead of bailing on my partner?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 238
}
|
WRONG
|
8aiZsYODmfw2iCjJGVDuSZL4c1N0uMiB
|
av36qq
|
{
"description": "taking this so hard? Girlfriend made a comment about another guy in her gym",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for taking this so hard? Girlfriend made a comment about another guy in her gym.
|
Last night I was chatting to my girlfriend on the phone after she left the gym. She hadn't been there for about 8 months and is looking to get back in shape. I think she looks sexy as hell regardless, and tell her this all the time, but I'm supportive nonetheless.
I asked her how the workout was, and how she was feeling, blah blah, and we got on to how, "it was really great to see all her old friends again". Then she made a comment about how "Hot Tony" was there, so I was slightly incredulous and repeated, "Hot Tony?" in a quizzical, slightly incredulous tone, that I *thought* implied I thought it was kind of uncool to call him that, at least to my face. She then said, "Yeah, that's what we call him. And then he took his shirt off *unf*."
I kind of let it slide, knowing she didn't mean anything by it. I trust her. But it's been bugging me all day, which I told her, both last night and today. She of course feels awful, assures me she didn't mean anything by it, that I'm the only guy she wants etc etc, and honestly I believe her, but I can't help feeling hurt by it.
I'm in pretty good shape, if it matters, but I'm definitely not ripped either. I've explained to her that it was hurtful to hear her talk about another guy like that, and that it felt disrespectful for her to say that to me. I want to get over it, because I feel like I'm unfairly punishing her for it now that it's gone on this long, but I just can't get past it.
So, I know I'm not the asshole for being a little hurt at first, but AITA now that this is still an issue almost a full day later?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
RrS4OplMdDx62B5ZHDbeZfyv5qU8kSr9
|
awp031
|
{
"description": "wanting people to take their shoes off when they enter my house automatically",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for wanting people to take their shoes off when they enter my house automatically?
|
I always ask nicely if they don't, but should I have to?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gx2ZpiY3khK0Y1i1Pp4dlMKslwv4iSx0
|
afoil1
|
{
"description": "making a complaint to a friend who was already annoyed",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making a complaint to a friend who was already annoyed?
|
Throwaway because I want to about having this in my main, probably just being weird about it
BACKGROUND: I'm part of a relatively small group that's been doing tabletop RPGs pretty consistently for about two years. I'm one of the regular GMs, and my complaint was to another one who was running something. He happened to do something that kind of annoyed me and killed my mood for the night, and I decided not to make a scene or anything and sit on it until everything was done. Party through, anything member did his usual thing of not paying enough attention and being totally lost as we were trying to move into something, pissed the GM friend off, and we basically ended stuff there.
About an hour or so later, I hit my friend's DMs to try and mention it to him, to avoid it being any kind of a problem later, and he immediately went off on me about the complaint.
It was a relatively minor thing, there was a small misunderstanding about part of it, and a far as I could tell I was projecting a pretty calm attitude about it. So AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
uR3F88MAv2V5deSaAlQqjE72sdkVjWFt
|
ahlo64
|
{
"description": "denying a new employee a week off",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA For denying a new employee a week off?
|
We have a company policy that for the first 6 months, we don't let you take any days off unless it's health related or a family emergency. We hired X about 3 months ago. Last month, he asked me for a week off (this past week) and I told him it was company policy and said no. He started to argue and I shut it down and said no is no, it's company policy and I wouldn't approve any leave.
A little background, X is from India. Apparently, in India their graduation ceremony is in January and his was this week. A colleague of mine told me after X told him during lunch on Thursday.
He never told me it was his graduation and I can't let him take a week off for something that isn't a family emergency. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
r219XAb0BrodqI23WM9eRpgC6jGRsRy7
|
awrgop
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend not to scream at white girls",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend not to scream at white girls?!
|
We're at the club. We want to have a good time. At least I did.
​
We're getting skipped like crazy. At least thirty groups of very rich, privileged white girls skipped us. He's getting mad. I tell my boyfriend to let it go, because we will get into the club eventually. I didn't want to cause a scene, I wanted to just have a good time, without any fighting, at the club. Nothing good will come up from yelling at these girls.
​
Regardless, he starts yelling. I tell him to stop. The girls behind us start egging him on. I go to school with these people. I network with them. He doesn't because he doesn't network with them. I'm getting angry at him because I'm telling him to calm down, I don't want to make a scene with people who could (possibly) make/break a successful career for me. I tell him -- who gives a fuck, you aren't making a change now at the club why does it matter?! If you want change, make it count at the voting booth. Which he tells me is ridiculous. "It's important to stand up for yourself." I understand that. But seriously?! At the club? Even the bouncer told him "listen man, it's my job, I don't make the rules."
​
I am a minority, he is white. The girls behind us were white. Personally, I feel like I just know when you should and should not make scene. At the club -- it isn't important to make a scene. Rich people will get in front of you -- get over it, and have a good time. So is life. Obviously I don't like being cut. But right there and then with a few shots of vodka in me.... that is not the time to make \~big change in society\~. AITA?
Please know: I am drunk while writing this. I apologize if it isn't clear, I will clarify anything that does not make sense.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3g5rdf3167T6bgJuO7KDLklYIDlBcp20
|
apk45t
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my gf because of her ghosting",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up [M21] with my GF[20] because of her ghosting?
|
My GF is on her mobile constantly. Facebook, Whatsapp you name it. She is using her phone quite often to look at random stuff constantly (sometimes even when I am around but luckily only sometimes.)
The issue I have with her is that sometimes she can go 2-3 days without any peep from her. I sometimes need her urgently and she still doesn't respond. Phone calls, SMS and Whatsapp messages, I can't reach her with nothing. And after that she appears out of nowhere and acts like nothing happened. When I ask her where she's been she told me she got busy with work and college and couldn't respond at all. (which I find very hard to believe because someone as phone bound as her couldn't hold out without her phone for even half a day).
​
What brought my blood pressure up is that she does this without warning, and I sometimes see her online on messenger/whatsapp that she was active not too long ago but still doesn't respond. I sometimes need her urgently (don't wanna go into detail about exactly what, but in my judgement it's something that should be adressed quickly and many times were in a bad situation because of her lack of response). I'm not controlling and don't care much about response time, I myself find responding to her every few hours if it's something unimportant because I also have my own work, but whenever she needed me and called me I was available for her 99% of the time even though I am on my phone a lot less than her.
​
After the 10th time of her doing it in the past 6 months I told her she should atleast give me a warning or something because I know she is straight up ignoring me because I see when she is online but she either ignores my request or tells me I'm controlling.
​
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
OUc9XTiUge2y80ry3X0Drk6k5jojje9r
|
adwpdr
|
{
"description": "expecting financial assistance from my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for expecting financial assistance from my parents?
|
Sorry yall, this'll be a long one.
My brother is now 33 and i'm 29. We both suffer from severe mental illnesses.
My brother is previously divorced, and is now remarried with 3 kids. My brother does not work and has been applying for disability for about 2 years now. My parents helped my brother through his divorce to ensured he got full custody of their grandson. He's lived with them for most of his life and they are VERY attached to his kids, and have taken a huge part in raising them. They purchased all christmas gifts for the grandkids for 10 years. They paid for the kid's activities. He recently moved his whole family across the country after several conflicts with them, breaking my parent's hearts.
Now on to me. I have been separated from an abusive husband for more then 3 years now. I have chosen to put kids off until I am both financially and mentally stable. I tried to do the divorce entirely on my own, but couldn't complete it. I'm now waiting until I have the resources to hire a lawyer. My parents have not assisted me in this process.
In the past 3 years, I have worked very hard on myself. I pay for therapy out of pocket as I have no insurance. I searched for a local center who does free psychiatrist appointments about a year ago and I have attended monthly appointments ever since. I take my meds. My doctors have advised I only work part time, bringing me to the realization that i'm going to have to do school to get anywhere in life. I worked really hard, got my associate's at a local community college and got into a university. I recently quit my part time job at the urging of my doctors because I am starting at the university full time and they don't think I could stay healthy doing both.
So financial aid is the only thing getting me by, along with a TON of help from my incredibly supportive boyfriend who works his ass off 60 hours a week. His mother also helps us absolutely anytime we need it, no questions asked. I hate taking money from her. It hurts a bit knowing that she would help us and my parents wouldn't.
My parents guilt me every time I ask for money, saying they have none to give. If I ask for 30 bucks, there is the full expectation that I'd be paying it back in the next 2 weeks. If I can't pay it yet, I will recieve frequent calls and texts expecting it back until I give it to them. They've loaned me larger amounts (250 a little over a month ago for car insurance and groceries) and they call me constantly about it even though they know I have no income right now.
Now they're doing their signature move, saying they can't loan us any more money but we can move in with them. When I express that A. As a mentally ill person, the instability of moving is the last thing I need right now, and B. It is inappropriate to live with your parents at 29 if it can be avoided in any way. They cry saying, I "don't want to live with them", because they're "so horrible."
For years I have been the one that my mother or father would go to if they needed something from someone they could depend on. I listen to them endlessly bitch about my brother. I have unfortunately taken on the role of their emotional caretaker, even though I tell them continually to talk to a therapist instead. Now i'm starting to wonder why I stress about supporting them emotionally so much when they leave me to fend for myself all the time financially. I feel like as I get healthier through therapy, I get more and more mad at them about this bullshit.
Now I see them sending my brother's kids a mountain of christmas presents, and they are preparing to move into a house that is more expensive then their current one. They just bought a new car this year. I truly feel like if I had a kid id have a much higher value to them and that sucks. Am I a dick for feeling like I deserve some level of assistance from them? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
64YkRBHbBH7p1IsDrhfZynxod7M3zwEa
|
ax98ux
|
{
"description": "calling out my roommate on him never having time to do anything",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out my roommate on him never having time to do anything.
|
Context : both of us are College seniors and are generally busy.
​
So essentially my roommate comes home every day from class stops by my room to rant about how much he has to do and how hard this semester is for roughly half an hour. once he finishes ill start to complain about something and he will straight up respond with didn't you hear me i said I'm busy i don't have time to sit here and talk to you about your damn site. then later on in the night ill go in to ask him something and he has avatar up on his screen (he is re watching the series) and is mainly watching that while complaining he has some large assignment due this week (This week it was a 14 page paper that was assigned roughly a month ago that he hasn't started yet.)
​
This morning he got up at 11 and came over to complain and play with my cat for half an hour i honestly snapped and told him he cant bitch about not having enough time to listen to any rants i have if he sleeps in till 11 every day, plays with my cat for longer than it would take for me to rant and watches avatar all night. he responded with "well you don't say you don't want me here when i complain and i play avatar in the background while i work, i don't think its that bad for me to complain to you every so often."
​
So whose the asshole, is it me for calling him out and complaining that he complains to me to much, or him for not reciprocating at all and thinking his life is absurdly busy when he has enough time to watch avatar and play with cats all night.
( side comment if any of you have suggestions on things i could add to a website id love to hear it)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
dIUTBFzRpKjfHQVXeyNsxQZpNZJEJcpN
|
az8f66
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be engaged in secret",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be engaged in secret?
|
My SO and I haven't been together very long, like less then a year but he already proposed on the condition that he doesn't have to tell his family. AITA for saying no? I do love him, but don't think we've been together long enough and I wouldn't want to keep it secret
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
B1wImSFME0aIcRIpzl4FK8pUiKS6772b
|
a0ral7
|
{
"description": "finding it tacky my friend charge me for broken cups",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for finding it tacky my friend charge me for broken cups?
|
I roomed with my best friend for 5 months. After I moved out she sent me a bill which included some unpaid hydro, bed sheets my pet ripped (these things I have no issue with and will definitely pay), a couple of cups that I accidentally broke and a torch I DID NOT BREAK.
The cups are not special. They are just regular cups, and it was an accident. What makes me think this is tacky, is the fact that she is an avid thief and 80% of her apartment is stolen goods. A lot of her kitchen wares are stolen. The only reason these cups weren't is because they were too guarded in the store. I told her to go steal some more.
The torch, was her boyfriends and I was the last to use it, however I DID NOT break this. It worked perfectly fine when I last set it down, I was just blamed because I was the last to use it. I don't agree with that charge. AITA in this situation??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
v420MrKrJ6ao3oOUaSQWYgDJvNcWBrvN
|
b1bbyq
|
{
"description": "having expectations on tinder",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for having expectations on tinder
|
Okay, first things first: it's tinder and I'm the big silly who thought I found meaningful connection. I'm not on it now.
​
\- I don't use tinder much, certainly not for cheap sex. I guess I had it vaguely because it's a way to meet people.
\- Still managed to match with a guy who seemed nice. He messaged me first, we had great chat and went out for a brunch date when he was articulate, funny, interesting and attractive. Definitely I had gone into the date without expectations and left with them exceeded.
\- Second date is heaps of fun and he takes me out for a really nice dinner. We have great sex and hang out the next morning and I decide on the spot that I've met prince charming. YAY! I let him know that I'm interested and he responds, awkwardly, that he likes me too.
\- Okay, here's the juice. I have clinical depression and, while I'm medicated and don't expect him to 'save' me from myself, it's still there. I haven't disclosed this information.
\- The next few months shit gets wobbly. He works away and is a self-anointed poor communicator. I go through this stage of being super patient with him while ultimately feeing ignored and frustrated because every time I reach out (like once a week) I get the feeling that I'm bugging him and being the proverbial 'ugh, needy woman'. We have sex when he's in town and I feel no problem with that, but definitely feeling that I can't communicate with him because, gross, feeeeeeeeeelings. I want a straight answer as to how he sees us - together? Not? FwB? Dating?
\- He updates tinder.
\- I realise I'm [Gillian Flynn's cool girl](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/584441-men-always-say-that-as-the-defining-compliment-don-t-they)
\- He ends it: I crack and tell him I can't sit around waiting for him to remember I exist and he smoothly reciprocates that he probably needs someone more 'chill'. Ouch.
\- Over the next few months my brain packs it in. I'm not coping and I'm having obsessive thoughts.
\- He starts dating someone else. Yes, I stalked his social media.
\- I send him a long, angry text that basically calls him out on his shit behaviour, for not giving me a genuine reason for ending it. I don't say 'you used me for sex' - because I enjoyed it too - but I definitely feel disposable.
\-He doesn't respond. My friends, from the ivory tower of their smug relationships, are like 'that's tinder babe'.
\- I let him know I have severe depression. I don't know what I'm trying to achieve out of this beyond making him feel ashamed for pumping and dumping someone with a mental illness and then walking away as cool as you like.
\- I realise that I am The Crazy you're not supposed to stick you dick into.
1. Am I the asshole for sending angry texts six months later?
2. Am I the asshole for having expectations on tinder?
3. Am I an asshole for faking being mentally stronger and more resilient than I actually am, for fear of being - shock - needy. ie. having needs.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
XB7DhOqfZs7wZRt9geVQIvUxKHXC1o92
|
ao0dvm
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for a broken chair",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for a broken chair
|
Sophomore year of college I moved in with 3 friends that I had known through high school. Everyone contributed some furniture (I brought a set of couches) and one of my roommates brought a dining room table and chairs.
Over winter break I had a small get together. The roommate in question wasn’t present but one of our mutual friends was visiting and broke one of the chair legs by accident. We threw it out the next day figuring it was beyond repair and it was just a college table set, incorrectly thinking he had the same mindset as me that at the end of college I would just get rid of anything that got trashed during those years.
I let my roommate know the next day and he wasn’t happy about it but didn’t seem like it was the end of the world. Our mutual friend that had broken the chair went on deployment to the Middle East a couple weeks later (Marines). I then get an e-mail from my roommates dad explaining that the chair and tables are expensive family heirlooms and that I need to replace the chair. The son won’t talk about it and says I need to speak with his dad regarding it.
I got weekly aggressive emails from the dad following up on my progress to find a replacement chair. He didn’t contact the friend that broke the chair and I don’t deflect responsibility to him - he’s barely reachable in a war zone and doesn’t have much money. After 6 months of searching on Craigslist and EBay I finally find a replacement chair that costs me $500 (a full table and chair set was $5,000+ and was difficult to find an individual chair).
Am I the asshole for holding a grudge because I was held responsible for a piece of furniture broken under my watch?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
6BRHxQ2oCn8TP5TP9P04HBGg3AF2lkzm
|
b4rkxy
|
{
"description": "telling my friend he had dandruff",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I told my friend he had dandruff?
|
Pretty much title goes, my friend has a lot of dandruff on the back of his head. Not sure if he knows about it. WIBTA if I took him aside tactfully and told him/sent him a text?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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|
NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Z40lQ4T9hWs4KLtAGpzy0hrSRujmBH9Z
|
9yliae
|
{
"description": "being too blunt in telling my friend why he never has money to do anything and why his life is the way it is",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being too blunt in telling my friend why he never has money to do anything and why his life is the way it is?
|
So basically I have known this guy since I was in 7th grade. We are both 23 years old and we have always been good friends but I can't help feeling like I was a little *too* straight up with what I said to him. I went a little too far but I felt it needed to be said. Anyway, here we go.
So this guy, I'll refer to him as Steven, doesn't have a job and isn't actively looking for one either. He gets money from his parents as a type of 'allowance' because they don't work either and get government money because of medical reasons. He basically lives in his room most days watching Twitch and makes videos on YouTube in his free time that basically only me and one of our other friends very occasionally watch. Fair enough, he has an interest and he enjoys doing it which is completely fine with me, but I always just lightly and in a peaceful manner remind him to keep it as a hobby and to keep an eye out for something to support himself and to which he agrees. Only he never does anything about it.
He always tells me how he is having a hard time and he never has the money to do anything with, to which he never really tells me *why* he is always so short seeing he literally gets given money for doing nothing. He would always give me a vague reason but I always just believed him, he was my friend why would he lie to me I guess? However just this weekend it was finally revealed as to why, and this was how it happened.
On Saturday me and Steven were hanging out so we went to the movies to see Overlord (which was fairly average really) but surprise surprise as we got to the ticket booth he was a little short on cash so I stumped up for his cinema ticket once again. I am mostly used to it at this point but for some reason on that particular day it really got to me how I have probably spent more on Steven than I have my own Mother over the years. After we got to our seats I asked him what happened to his money seeing he told me on Wednesday night his parents gave him his 'allowance' because there was no chance in hell it was already gone, it had been two days. I looked him dead in the eye and just waited for the response, to which he finally and rather sheepishly told me he has used it all by donating it to god damn Twitch streamers.
​
I literally sat there for a good 10 minutes speechless. All this time I have been paying for this guy over so many years for anything we do has all been because he has literally given away any money he has ever had. Every single last penny. I finally after staring into thin air trying to comprehend what he has just told me asked him why? Apparently he would rather, and I quote, 'let them have it and not give it to big companies because they have enough money as it is'.
That was the last straw for me. I knew I had to say something because I felt like he not only had been mooching off me for so long but also his parents. It all suddenly became so clear to me that the reason he never has money is because he *gives it away.* I presumed he was using it to buy things like groceries or I don't know, maybe to pay bills with, is that too much to presume? Thank god the room we were in was empty because I couldn't keep it in. I told him that all this time he has been wasting his money on complete strangers he doesn't even know, and has basically been coming up with excuses as to why he never had money. I told him right there and then that is the last time I'm ever paying for him again. He doesn't like to give his money to big companies but he gives it away to strangers? He is happy enough for me to use all of my money on him to give to these companies? No. Enough. I told him how stupid he has been getting his money for nothing and using the money that his parents have given to him and wasted it, money they could have used on themselves for things they actually need to get by.
​
While I was saying this something in me clicked again and this is where I feel I went a little too far, but I told him that he is never going to get by in life if he doesn't get his life together and get a job, quit making YouTube videos that no one ever watches apart from me that from now on I won't be. He needs to get a job and to stop living like an ignorant child. If he doesn't accept that he has to get on with life and live in the society of the current world he is going to be on the streets once his parents are gone. I know that last part was a little over the top, but I want him to realize this is no way to live, this isn't normal. If he continues on like this much longer he is going to have it hard for real. I see him completely differently now, and I feel like I don't want to be around him anymore. All this time I thought he was using his money to support himself, but no. He was wasting it and using both me and his parents. He got up and walked out, I haven't seen him or heard from him since. Frankly I don't want to.
Tell me Reddit, am I the asshole?
TL;DR: A friend/now ex friend of mine was always short on money even though he gets it from his parents for doing nothing so I would always spot him some or pay for him. Find out after years of knowing him the real reason he never has money because he gives it all away to Twitch streamers. Tell him he has basically been using me and wasting his own money and what I think of it, end friendship.
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
AgcCYPNGB95gAjnpWSwGpCrq7PMLSMsY
|
a4h6xc
|
{
"description": "wanting a different dog later in life",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting a different dog later in life
|
This just happened today.
My wife and i were recently married and she has a 4 year old Small breed dog who her mother originally wanted and got and since has been the family pet for the past 3 or so years.
I met her about 2 years ago and this year we got married. All of a sudden we get on the topic of what to do with the dog since he is not fixed. She asks me whether we find him a wife to have and keep up puppy from the litter or if he should be neutered.
I have no problem with the dog, in fact i take care of the dog and walk him twice a day since her parents haven’t been around for the passed 6 months. I have always taken care of him as if I had chosen him myself. But i explained that i don’t see our lives having just that one breed of dog for the next 40 years so I don’t really want that breed of dog if we were to get a new one because i prefer other kinds of dog breeds. Next thing i know I’m getting called a massive selfish asshole who didn’t even answer her question properly because i first tried to explain my feelings behind why i think we shouldn’t have him wifed up.
Now she wont talk to me and is questioning our relationship about what i thought and it seems like that was the wrong answer to say...
Am i wrong here?
Sorry for any grammar/spelling. On mobile.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
IuyFDbTJKvDv4MU0MyU5dLSSQn9dHigE
|
b709mj
|
{
"description": "not inviting my ex to my daughter's birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I didn't invite my ex to my daughter's birthday party?
|
My daughter's dad and I split up ten years ago. He was absolutely horrible to me (still is, actually) and has been incredibly difficult to parent with - to the point that I regularly pick my battles with him and avoid him as much as I can. Just a bit of backstory.
Our daughter is turning 12 and wants me to host the party at our house. It's bigger and we have a yard and I tend to go all out with her parties, so obviously she wants me to do it. We have a custody agreement where it says we will alternate years for doing the party; last year he dropped the ball and didn't do one for her, even though it was his year, so I threw one together for her last minute. I even invited him, as awkward as that was. He got very upset with me for "ignoring my child's father" and "purposefully not taking any photos of him" when I was trying to just take pictures of the kids. He also just sat around with his friend (who he brought, I didn't invite) and didn't really interact with anyone but him. It was a whole ordeal and even my daughter complained to me after that she just wished he didn't come.
He had said last year after the party that he would do a party for her THIS year since he didn't do it last year, but we haven't discussed it since. Daughter's birthday is in a month and she wants me to just take over the planning and everything and have it here. In which case, I would only invite a couple adults (mostly just to help) but have it be about her and her friends.
So, WIBTA if I just took over the party planning and didn't invite him to celebrate in her festivities?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ILADOPHq1FwnD2vGZ88YlzwlTIf4dtky
|
axkckl
|
{
"description": "not wanting my mom in my life or have anything to do with her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting My Mom in my life or have anything to do with Her?
|
Me (M50), my whole life, my Mom( F75)has never respected boundaries. Anytime my girl or I ask her not to say things to anyone, she tells people. She's asked a number of times about when we are getting engaged/ married. I've told her we will do it when we are both ready. She kept asking even after we've asked her not to ask about it. Stuff like that, or we share something and tell her to not tell anyone else, but she talks about it to other people.
When we tell her we are upset she did that, she says she's sorry and it won't happen again. But she keeps doing it. She's done this stuff her whole life and will not stop.
We've told her we don't want any contact. We've blocked her on our phones. But when she passes, I don't want to even do anything about services.
Am I going to far?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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INFO
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
mrfqWx37MGk6xoLbg8DKQrgKV2zXWrco
|
a1cxov
| null |
AITA for the pictures I posted on discord?
|
I’m in a terraria discord server where there’s a rule against “low effort” posts, basically no “memes”. Some guy posted a picture of an owl making a funny face and then an admin posted a memey picture of the sham wow guy with his face cropped and a terraria update on the sham wow. I decided to post some pictures of dogs I found, the first one having a Soviet hat on, and the second one making an angry face. I was told that my posts weren’t allowed in the channel and I got confused and asked why the other guy was allowed to have the owl in the chat but I couldn’t have the dogs in the chat they said it was because the owl was an animal and the dogs were memes I said “so dogs aren’t animals now?” and they said they just explained the answer to me and then said I was a lost cause. I was a bit confused on why these pictures that I found cute weren’t allowed but the sham wow thing and the owl were, AITA here??
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Fd4BargektCK7DDMgbKcAUq5M0BiEYx9
|
amv6qo
| null |
AITA or are my parents assholes in this situation?
|
So here's a bit of context.
My husband and I bought a house across the road from my parents last year. We didn't intentionally try to be so close to my parents but it was a good price, right size. I've never been super close to my parents to be honest but we get along. They have been looking after our doggo when we are at work though, and just generally taking her for walks when they fancy it, whether we are in or not. Mainly cos they like doing it, it's not a necessity from our perspective.
Anyway...
One day I'm working from home and I'm on a conference call, I text both my mum and dad saying I'll be on a call so not to come over in the next hour, knowing they probably would do to get the dog. 15 mins later, the front door opens and my mum is walking around downstairs, kinda distracting me but I can live with it. She then shouts up the stairs to the study... I have to interrupt my call and ask what she wants, thinking she wants the dog... No... She's just asking if I want anything from the shops, I say no, she leaves.
10 minutes later, I'm still on a call.... She comes back in the house, loudly moving about downstairs... She then comes upstairs, walks into my study and asks where the dog is... I'm still on my call, video call.... She leaves, I'm mildly pissed.
Later my dad comes in the house and shouts up the stairs loudly.. I'm not on a call, but 10 mins later and I would have been... Be just wanted me to look out for a parcel.
An hour or so later I get a text from my mum (typical middle aged woman text that makes no sense 'Are u there' ...
I snap... And send this... " You need to stop bursting in while andy and I are working from home when we are in calls it's not ideal to be disturbed or distracted. If the office door is closed you have to assume we are busy and can't answer when you call"
Well that was it... Didn't matter what I said after that, I tried calling both her and my dad and neither would pick up, I tried to justify what I was saying... Nope. Not interested. She said I can 'walk my own dog'.
I then get this text off my dad...
"Your mum didn’t open your office door, you did and I seriously doubt any disturbance will harm your business or Andy’s. In the who scale of things it’s trivial. You’re both very small fish in a big ocean, the information you exchange isn’t of national importance.
I have conferences calls and Webex’s often. The recipient don’t give a monkeys, about the odd disturbance/break.
Exaggerated self importance won’t wash with me, it’s ugly and it’s very noticeable."
Fast forward three weeks and my parents haven't spoken to me or bothered to take the dog unless they can sneak in and out of our house unnoticed. I saw them both in the village while out walking and though they said hi they didn't stop to talk to me at all. And I just found out my mum had an operation on Friday (through Facebook, no less) and I had no clue.
Am I the asshole!!!?!?!????
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
mEOvNuIVJkBKdUGR88eKbx3iE3rYepwu
|
b6drew
|
{
"description": "helping my dad by breaking into my old home to get my dad his moms rocking chair",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA for helping my dad by breaking into my old home to get my dad his moms rocking chair?
|
Some back story, I have been out of my parents house for a long while now. (They are divorced so two houses.) Basically my dad who has drip brain (alcohol induced dementia basically) was evicted from his home last year and has a new place. He left some furniture that belonged to his mom there and has been wanting to get it back but the bank owns the place now. He has been pestering my brothers and sisters about it for a while now, including myself, trying to get us to break in to the old home to get said things. This is super emotional because it’s my childhood home and my dad’s health etc. Well he called me today asking again if I was willing to help. I said yes but on the fence still. What will happen is everyone in my family will give me some serious shit that I do NOT want to go through but I understand the value of this chair to him. If I don’t, my dad will be angry, if I do everyone else will be and I’m so angry about being put in this position. Either way I am an asshole to someone and I really think I am being put in a rough and weird situation. I’m sorry if this reads as a mess, I’ve been going back and forth for a few hours and just want some feedback.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
WRONG
|
IkThy9GEXwGKyHXA1wo09OfmrfwtevTd
|
am0tb2
|
{
"description": "showing up to work with a broken nose and wrist after a car accident",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 178
}
|
AITA For showing up to work with a broken nose and wrist after a car accident?
|
I am 27 years old, and am one of the owners of a small startup that employs 25+ people. I am also acting manager and have developed a reputation as the "disciplinarian" of the three owners.
I dont gain any pleasure out of being a dick to people, but I do require that everyone is held to certain standards and tries their best in all things and I will enforce those standards.
If someone shows up late, I will grill you on it. If you dont meet your deadlines, we're gonna have a discussion about why that didnt happen. If I see you bullying a coworker, I will shut it down publicly. If I see you putting your work onto others, I will directly ask you why you deserve to be paid. I wont ask anybody to do something i wouldnt do.
I have fired three people in the three years our business has been running, and im not afraid to fire more if needed. I care very much about my company and I dont let anything slide.
So, now that that has been established. Last week I was involved in a car wreck on my way to work. BMW ran a red and T-boned my sedan on the passenger side. I spun out, bashed into an electric pole. I was lucky I wasnt hit on my drivers side as this car was going fast.
Smashed my face on my steering wheel and door. Busted my nose pretty good. Two black eyes now. Pieces of glass cut up my face and my leg, and my lip got busted. Also, the worst injury, I broke my wrist and hand which is currently in a cast.
BMW driver was fine. Car ended up getting towed and the EMTs bandaged my nose and plugged my nostrils to stop the bleeding. At the time I told them my wrist was fine, just sprained. Took it to a doctor over the weekend and yep, its broke.
Sedan was totalled and had to be towed.
At this point I had two options. I could either go home and rest, take a day off, or go into work.
In the past ive given many pep talks about being committed to your job, to overcoming obstacles, to making sacrifices and taking risks. I have denied sick days in the past for various reasons that werent satisfactory.
So, I decided to use this as a teaching moment and prove that im not all talk. I call a lyft, and show up to work. I looked like I was just mugged, but i showed. People bombarded me with questions and asked if i needed an ambulance but i just explained what happened and that everything is fine.
I went to my office and got to work. One of the other owners came into my office and asked if I was alright. I said I was but he said I should go home or to the hospital. I had already paid to be brought here so I refused. He tried to insist but I wouldn't back down. I worked the rest of the week.
This week me and the other owners had a lengthy discussion about it and while they understand my reasoning they dont like that i came in and that i refused to leave. Its not a huge deal but what do you guys think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
4EfOHuT38RTuob4aTOVI0bdByomxLViP
|
ayroh3
|
{
"description": "cheating the Online Camping booking system",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Cheating the Online Camping Booking System?
|
Where I am from, it's really hard to get park reservations for interior canoe backcountry camping.
The parks let you book 5 months in advance, for a trip that is up 20 days long (for easy math). If you want to book a trip from the 20th-30th of August,, many people start their booking on the 10th of March, and book 10 campsites they never intend to visit. The idea is that you book "garbage" sites for the first 10 days, then the actual days you want later. Then you cancel your bookings a month later and the sites open up for others to grab (still 4 months ahead). But now you've booked your great sites.
I think this is an abuse of the system. But when I woke up extra early 5 months before I wanted my trip to start, in order to book campsites, I found every single one of the campsites that I wanted were booked. Every single one.
So I played "the game". I booked garbage sites for the first 15 days, and then the actual sites that I wanted for the next 5.
My options were: 1. Go canoeing in noisy parts of the park with lots of motorboats, 2. Cheat the system like this, or 3. Not go camping.
AITA for perpetuating this system?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
bXPFvTf9iT9RoHGZs13Gd6MvIR7XlELk
|
b4myi0
|
{
"description": "leaving my partner for someone else",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for leaving my partner for someone else
|
This happened a while ago.
Me 20(f) and my ex 21(m) were going through some issues. We had been together 3 years but had recently started having some bigger fights. One fight was because I felt that we had stopped doing anything special for one another and that I wasnt getting enough attention. He said it was just the way he is and he doesn't think he needs to change that.
Our last fight was because I had some time off work due to my anxiety and depression. I am usually fairly good at handling this and new that I needed the time off as I was not functioning well. I planned to have one day off to try and heal a little but his sister who I was living with found out about this. She called a house meeting and told me that this was unacceptable and that I was being selfish for risking my job and mine and my boyfriends future. She said that if I didn't get medical help, I could not complain about my depression and anxiety symptoms. This conversation lasted about an hour and I was left alone to stick up for myself. I told my boyfriend that this hurt me and he said that he agreed with her. I felt really alone at this point and told him that I wasnt sure I was happy in the relationship anymore.
Anyway, I started doing a lot of overtime to get away from the house. One night after work a colleague invited me for a drink. I said yes as we had always got on. He was attractive but I'd never looked at him as anything more than a colleague before this night. I was having a really good time and got quite drunk.We flirted a little bit but it was mostly just chit-chat. Before I knew it, it was midnight and I said I should probably go home. He walked me to the door and kissed me good bye. I kissed him back for maybe a second before I realised what happened. I left without saying much.
I told my boyfriend the second I woke up in the morning. He said we could work through it but I just felt numb. Mainly because I knew I didn't do do all I could to stop the kiss. Also, it made me realise I truly did not want to be in the relationship anymore. A few days later I left him but i was extremely apologetic (not that that means much I guess)
My friends dont think that what I did was cheating. His friends and family have all labelled me a cheater and dont think it was the first time either. I dont know what I think. Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
N1gRJJ0Uyw4tzzLYYt4kSVrICqKVnoy1
|
adpa9g
|
{
"description": "thinking ignition (Remix) is still one of the most fun and catchy songs of all time",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking Ignition (Remix) is still one of the most fun and catchy songs of all time?
|
We all agree R Kelly is a piece of human garbage, but the Remix to Ignition is such a great song!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
cvA9BNTCll20tYkiF7qzCYTIo33N1RDt
|
anw72e
|
{
"description": "honking my horn at an \" opportunity works\" van",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for honking my horn at an " Opportunity Works" van?
|
I am on my way home from work traveling 45 mph on a main route, when this van coming off the highway pulls in front of me reaching a Max speed of 25 mph. Then proceeds to come to almost a complete stop in the middle of the road before putting his blinker on to turn left. I decided to let the driver know that I disapprove of his late blinker before heading back on my way.
Now I know the driver is not mentally handicap (maybe) and I think if anyone should be using proper signalling it should be commercial drivers like this. But am I the asshole doing this to a van that could possibly have had some people with mental handicaps on board?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gGaxIbUWMFhA8oIYy3QKdKEQ8bH5MO6y
|
ayz1g2
|
{
"description": "considering leaving my girlfriend because she is pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 48
}
|
AITA for considering leaving my girlfriend because she is pregnant?
|
Throwaway for personal safety.
I am a sixteen year old male. My girlfriend and I have been dating for less than a year, about 7-8 months I think. Everything has been pretty perfect. We always get along and are on the same page most of the time. We started getting more sexual about last December or November and it was perfectly okay still.
Yesterday she wanted to meet me in person and wouldn't talk to me over the phone. She told me that she is pregnant and doesn't know what to do, except that she wants to keep it for sure. I said that I don't know. I didn't react harshly or anything, because I was mostly in shock, but I did not want to give her a solid answer or get her hopes up. She said she'll let me process. Now I do not want to talk to her or see her. Her and her friends have been blowing up my texts and calling me but I'm currently putting my phone on silent so I can think.
I don't want to tell my parents. I would get in huge, like life altering trouble. My parents can act pretty crazy when they want to. I don't think she will get an abortion if I ask her to, but i don't know what else to do. I'm thinking about breaking up with her before she makes it official with everybody. I know her parents are pretty well off and seem supportive from what I've heard and could afford it if she went through with it. We never talked about having a long future together or really set in stone that we were dating. only our friend groups at school knew.
i think that for my personal well being and safety, i should end it with her. I'm not ready for something like this, but she seems more ready. She would be better off if I didn't stick around, and I would too.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
VQSADHCnEOc0YKGTHqixj1L8HdXE0vdo
|
b618nr
|
{
"description": "pretending to care for my friend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for pretending to care for my friend
|
Teenagers problem, I’m 15.
I don’t want to admit it but i’m tired of my friend. She’s going through a hard time, dealing with school, stress and such, and as a friend I’m supposed to be there for her. But honestly, I’m really tired of her now. Every time we meet she spends half of the time to whine about her day, her family, her school, etc. Lots of time she asks if she can come over and as soon as we enter my room she immediately starts to talk about how she feels. I suppose to say or do something to make her feels better but just be with her already drained me. Every time she talks or text me to whines I’ll just pretend to care and to listen.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
OARGPydXCfCJs3pUgxI6Y7aQtD95rqMG
|
aebth2
|
{
"description": "dumping a guy I was dating for my ex",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for dumping a guy I was dating for my ex
|
Okay, this is a slightly complicated story.
I broke up with Nick in September.
I never really got over Nick, we broke up because he moved about three hours away and the relationship became really difficult to maintain. In addition, I was having some health issues that meant I couldn’t be the best partner.
In October, Mike asked me out. Mike and Nick were casual friends while I dated Nick.
I didn’t really know what to do, because I hadn’t really had an interest in Mike before. Not that I was actively disinterested, I just didn’t know him very well.
I ended up going on a few dates with Mike. The relationship was weird.
Mike honestly struck me as a bit of a psychopath. He was completely unable of expressing emotion, and honestly said some really scary stuff.
Mostly comments about violence towards himself and others that made me really on edge.
A mutual friend named Ellie was like, well that’s just how mike is. He doesn’t mean it he’s just a little bit quirky.
I slept with Mike once and it was... not good. It was his first time but he didn’t even try.
Afterwards he told me he realized he didn’t like sex and never wanted to have it again.
At this point I was pretty done with Mike, and we didn’t go on any other dates but continued to hang out during school.
I ended up running into Nick the day before thanksgiving. Mike had flown out of the country for thanksgiving a week prior. He hadn’t replied to any of my messages and I was really frustrated with him.
Nick ends up explaining to me that he moved back, and that he missed me. I went over to his place to see his dog and talk, one thing leads to another and we end up making up and having sex.
Later that day, I’m sitting with Nick and it hits me. Crap, I haven’t officially broken up with Mike.
I was so sick of him and his weird behavior at this point so I just fired off a text “hey, I think we should break up”. He replied within the hour “Yeah, we probably should”.
It’s January now and I’m still with Nick but I occasionally feel twinges of guilt about mike. He’s never expressed any anger and knows I’m back with nick.
In a lot of ways I feel like the relationship was dead before then but I’m curious what others think.
So, tell me reddit: AITA for dumping Mike for Nick?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
pANehRwzOuJ7uSxtVbFlB7hyEcxE3qzJ
|
aq53mg
|
{
"description": "finding a clingy friend annoying",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for finding a clingy Friend annoying?
|
Long backstory: This girl and I knew each other from church, I grew up in this church and she was introduced to my church by her aunt in her preteens. When she first came in, she was much closer to this other girl and besides the weekly pleasantries exchanged we never went beyond acquaintances. Few years after, the other girl stopped coming and she started going around alone. I felt bad for her and so I started to include her in my group of friends.
The first few years were fine, but subsequently she started becoming very clingy towards me, showing me physical affection and literally latching onto me despite my very obvious shows of discomfort. For a year I tried my best to stay away from her, but felt bad again and opened up to her, letting her touch me and stuff.
She hasn’t gotten baptised despite half her life in church, and I have no negative thoughts regarding that because I don’t want to come off as the staunch Christian who drives away people with religion. And since her parents don’t come to church, along with me being part of 95% of the conversations she has in church, it’s evident I’m the only person keeping her in church. She says she believes but when asked whether she wanted to get baptised she always avoided the question. But that’s not my point.
We’re both adults now, I’ve known her for close to 10 years, we’re the same age so we experienced changing of schools and major events in the same period. I would think as adults she would be more thoughtful of others or more socially aware. It’s getting very frustrating, she only turns up for events I go for, otherwise she will never go. When she comes, she sticks to me and I cannot hold proper conversations with other people because she’s always butting in. I feel like an asshole because sometimes I just want her to leave my side for a minute or two, especially in a church context any negative words is almost blasphemous.
AITA? I’ve tried talking to her about it but she didn’t really get my point.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3ZSnowjSah2g4HA1thW4AhP7ppPAh39q
|
axm8u0
|
{
"description": "not visiting my parents enough",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not visiting my parents enough?
|
For context: I love my parents but at an arms length. A lot of resentment against my mom for emotional and physical abuse and my dad for never stepping in but our relationship has improved after I married and moved out. We all live in the same city but it’s still roughly 40 minutes between our houses.
My younger sibling messaged me this morning telling me that my dad was mad at me and was thinking of disowning me because I don’t visit them enough and that it’s a “child’s duty” to visit their parents. I haven’t seen my parents since Christmas and have thought about seeing them soon now that the storm has settled after my other sibling moved out of the house recently (moved into her boyfriends place and my parents are religious and very cultural about daughters living at home until they get married.)
My parents have tried to get me to visit in the past by asking if we would be coming over for dinner or celebrating a birthday, but they would always ask me to come during the weekday and I honestly never went because it would be after work, fighting 30-40 minute traffic to get to their place and then another 30-40 minutes with no traffic to get home afterwards. I have also invited them several times to come visit me on weekends when I’m free and they always say no so I usually go to their house when I can so maybe once a month.
Anyways, I feel like the asshole for not visiting them enough and they usually lay it on thick with the guilt whenever I do see them that I don’t visit them near enough as I used to when I was jobless. I’m married, I have a job, I make plans in advance with friends or go on vacation, or I want to vegetate at home after a week of work, and my parents don’t reach out to me to talk to me unless they want something or if they’re mad at me or my siblings. Or in this case, they’re mad at me for not visiting enough.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ohCWO9B6NhqmCe6RI5YlrUH2Qj8HYsE2
|
ae3ifk
|
{
"description": "not wanting my so to buy me jewelry as a gift",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my SO to buy me jewelry as a gift?
|
I [23,F] dated a guy for several years who was a fan of giving gifts whenever he could. On several occasions leading up to these events, he would ask me what I would like, and my usual response was anything but jewelry as I don't wear jewelry outside of earrings and special occasions and if given to me, chances are I won't wear it after a month.
Every time I would give this response he would say "ok" and move on. While he usually went with something else, every so often he would get me a necklace or a bracelet and then would make snide comments when I didn't wear it or didn't wear it long enough.
I understand this makes me sound ungrateful but it makes me feel like he didn't really respect my wishes and was really using the things he bought me as more of a way to lay claim. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gSiqNSv06YALhX2QMwpBEHIJhRmLQMsu
|
ar9sob
|
{
"description": "staying up all Night to Confront my bf",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for staying up all Night to Confront my bf?
|
Okay, First Off: sorry for my wonky english, i'm German.
So, my Boyfriend lives with me in my Mothers House.
He left on friday to go home and help his Family out on saturday.
I went to my Friends Birthday Party (she lives in a Children's home so the Party consisted of playing some Games and doing our make up, having Not more than 3 beer)
I was There till Midnight when i started to Walk home, i Texted my Boyfriend but the message didn't go through, neither did my phonecalls.
Usually he always texts me when he goes to sleep so i assume that he's playing Video Games.
When i get home i listen to the last Audio message he sent me in which he said that he Met a Friend of his. So maybe that's what was going on.
I watched some Videos and Drew some Pictures to keep myself awake because i Wanted to know when and if he got home okay.
It got later and later and i started to worry more and more.
At around 3 am he texts me saying he's been Drinking in a bar. I ask him when he gets home and if he has his medication. Because he got Bad stomach cramps and heart issues lately so i of course worry; he doesn't answer.
I Text and Call him just to make Sure he is okay but he Never answers.
At 5 in the morning, i finally got a Text from him saying that he will go home at 7 when the Next bus arrives. He gets Mad at me for staying up so Late and for not trusting him.
He usually always texts me where he is if he goes somewhere and that's all i ask for, i would Never say that he Couldnt go out with his Friends. I also don't want him to tell me Everything he does.
I just want to know what he is Doing.
What do you Think? Do you have any advice?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
PIoL4wMOe2eTzuqzEWdlcbCiVyTYiVDR
|
akr89s
|
{
"description": "blowing off my pregnant girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for blowing off my pregnant girlfriend?
|
Ok here is the short version.
There’s an age gap with me and my gf. I am 24 and she is 20.
When we found she was pregnant we immediately started preparing.
Thankfully I have the financial means to start a family. My gf on the other hand, not as mentally or financially prepared. She’s real big into social media and reading blogs. Right off the bat, I became very concerned that she wanted things for the nursery so she could show off to social media.
I try to explain to her - we have never been parents before, let’s take it day by day and add to the nursery as we see fit. Well this didn’t fly with her (my gf had a not so good home life until she started living with her well off grandparents who gave her everything).
So I start caving to various things. I probably have a whole room of stuff that will never get used... but hey it looks nice.
This weekend she convinced me to buy a dresser that we would use as a changing table. It was from IKEA but still was rather expensive. As we were in line, I ask her, please don’t ask me to build this until next weekend. I work 10-12hrs daily in the maintenance field and the last thing I want to do is build something after busting my knuckles all day. She says no problem, she has the next day off and she will do it herself.
I try to talk her into letting us do it together on the weekend. She pretty much says no I will do it.
So I am sitting on my lunch today and she tells me she needs my help after I get off to help build the dresser. After some back and forth I told her she got herself into this and she would need to do it herself or wait till this weekend.
Obviously I don’t want her super stressed out, so if I get home and she’s still freaking out about it, I will help build it.
But am I a douche for not just wanting to go home and build it??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
0OBXwMteDNlQWwk0ksn7zjGJQ4TrGy0Q
|
au2hr3
|
{
"description": "not letting my boyfriend sleep with me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For not letting my boyfriend sleep with me ?
|
So my boyfriend has been sleeping separate from me for almost 2 years now. We stopped when he noticed that I was getting up at night and sleeping on the couch. He snores ungodly because he has a deviated septum and is a mouth breather. I am a bit of a light sleeper and tend to have issues falling asleep and repetitive noises like breathing or my step dad's hacking in the morning would keep me up.
My boyfriend, since he is a mouth breather, tends to have pretty bad breath a lot and I do not really want that in my face at night. He also kicks and punches in his sleep. Every night I would be getting kicked and punched at lease 3 times. And he would sleep right up on me no matter how much I shifted away. I even tried to sleep with half my body off the bed once because he would not give me room.
Now I did try to deal with these things and get used to them. I have a feather pillow which tends to block a lot of sound so I started wrapping that around my head to muffle the snoring but it was still way too loud sometimes loud enough he would wake himself. But instead of getting used to it it just started becoming annoying. Basically how you start expecting things to happen so you are already annoyed before it happens.
He of course says its not fair, how is it not fair to you? You get to sleep nice and well while I barley get any.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9Iqi2gUDwT95oC88VD47gifWeBpyHsDQ
|
b2x9tk
|
{
"description": "not helping a blind lady in a store",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not helping a blind lady in a store?
|
So some background on this:
My friend and I were in Urban Outfitters at the check out when I realized i wanted to buy something, so I ran back to the sale section. I was frantically searching for a pair of socks that were a really good deal, when this lady says “Excuse me,” I just kind of turn and look at her while she’s talking and kind of tune out after the ‘excuse me’ because I assume she thinks I work there and I wont be able to answer her question either way.
When she’s done talking I kind of just say “Uhh, I don’t work here, sorry.” Very awkwardly, and try to continued looking for my socks but that’s when all shit breaks loose, “Well I’M sorry but I’m legally blind and the employees don’t have time to fOlLoW mE aRoUnD tHe StOrE aNd -“ She kept going but my friend saw me standing the bewildered af and grabbed the socks and whisked me away while this blind lady was still going off about how rude I was for just being a little confused?
Obviously if I would’ve realized she was blind I would’ve helped but SHE WAS SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES! My friend said I had the face that I was being yelled at by the teacher. And honestly it sort of felt like she was one of those people just waiting for a reason to freak out about her disability. Afterwards, I thought it was a funny situation but my one friend said I was in the wrong. I dont know, she didn’t have to be a bitch and not even let me explain that I didn’t fully understand what she wanted. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
r5LDSGv0dkF6IMr6XVkUyHQemg0KGIvd
|
b9gcdh
|
{
"description": "wanting to cut my hypocritical mom off",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to cut my hypocritical mom off?
|
Ok... So this is a long term story, been going since I was 16.
Back when I was 16 (I'm 27 now), I was dating a guy that my mom did not approve of (he was 2 years older than me.) She and I fought about it for many years, because he and I dated on and off for 5 years. He had a lot of piercings, visible tattoos, stretched lobes, etc. Got arrested once for a non-felony charge after getting drunk and trying to break a window. Decided to not drink again after that. He worked odd jobs, like roofing, etc. Because he didn't go to college or a trade school to learn mechanics, etc. She always talked down on that and on him. That he wasn't good enough for me, that I would always have to support him and he would never elevate me in any way, regardless of how he treated me (he treated me very well.) Eventually, we called it off.
I then started dating my current boyfriend (working on 6 years together.) My mom was the one that pressed for us to go on a date; we bowled in the same bowling league so he knew I had a boyfriend and didn't want to go out at first. She said it didn't matter. Obviously we did eventually go out and we've been together since.
He is a wonderful man, who treats me exactly the way I want to be treated, we agree on financial things, etc. (hi, B, if you're reading!)
Fast forward 2 years from our first date and now apparently he isn't "good enough" for me. My mom, at this time, was married to my step-dad who is awesome. He was very traditional, though. Opened her car door, paid more bills, etc. That is all well and good, but also not what I want from a man. I can open my own doors, pay half the bills, etc. But apparently, that is not what my mother thinks is "good for me." So we fought about my now boyfriend and him not being good enough for me. Keep in mind, he has a steady job that absolutely adores him, makes good money, buys me presents one offs, definitely fulfills my love language, we agree on almost everything, we laugh, etc. But since it isn't HER idea of a perfect man, she shit on him and his behaviors.
He and I have never really gotten over it, honestly.
Fast forward to now - my mom is now divorced from my now ex-step dad and is dating someone new.
The person she is now dating is someone who less than 6 months ago was arrested on 3 felony charges, who has multiple DUIs, has no job, and is reliant on her for many things. Drives her car because he doesn't have one, etc. She is 52 years old and he is 43.
She's an absolute hypocrite and I refuse to meet this person she is dating because he is the almost the description of the first boyfriend from when I was 16 - just an adult and honestly worse.
She berates my ex step-dad for "cheating" on her, when he didn't, after basically begging me to chest on my then-boyfriend to go out with now-boyfriend.
It honestly is tearing at my mental health at this point.
AITA because I want to cut her off because of her behavior and how hypocritical she is?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
7oU6wXQ4uA8BvgxKmJnXZrITbuTkXZnG
|
awoc3j
|
{
"description": "being upset my friend got a tattoo",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being upset my friend got a tattoo?
|
For context, I haven't actually told him anything. This is more of just a sort of "thinking out loud" for myself. A friend of mine had a medical procedure that he needed, and didn't have enough funds to cover it. So, he went online, started an indiegogo, and did a fundraiser. He's a good friend of mine, and I thought he needed the help, so I donated a large sum. (My contribution matched basically what everyone else combined paid) And I'm okay with that. I make good money, and I care about my friends. The other day, however, he posted that he had gotten a new tattoo. This may sound silly, but now I feel like rather than helping pay for his medical procedure, I've paid for his tattoo, and that kind of irks me. Of course it's his money, and he's allowed to spend it, but I feel like getting a tattoo less than a week after asking friends and family for financial help is a bit... tactless?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 13,
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"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6vHZ1SZhQDboesKx8GXud8GfnsBNOukp
|
ae9f6f
|
{
"description": "refusing to let my Uncle and Aunt borrow my car during their visit",
"pronormative_score": 57,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For refusing to let my Uncle and Aunt borrow my car during their visit?
|
My Uncle and Aunt visited me in the US last week, and now I'm being branded by them as a selfish asshole. I (25 Male) am a big car guy and as a result, both the vehicles I own are expensive performance cars ( '17 C63 AMG S and '18 Ghibli SQ4 for you car junkies out there) . As a result, I never let anyone who isn't directly under my insurance drive them ( Only my parents and GF ever drive them). In addition, I have around a total of 25k in modifications done to the cars, so I stand to lose that money in the unfortunate event that either car were to be damaged or totaled. Basically, they ended up coming for a short 2 week trip. They decided to use my house as a hub and travel around, which I didn't mind at all. When we discussed their plans for the 2 weeks, it became apparent that they would do a lot of long distance driving ( \~2000 miles total) . I made sure they were aware that I would not be willing to let them use either car for their trip as they have had a history of not respecting other people's cars ( They filled regular gas in my dad's car before when it requires premium and brushed it off like it was no big deal). Things seemed fine and they booked a rental car, which I got them a huge discount on ( Worked out to an average of 32 bucks a day for a Small SUV) . They are not poor by any means btw, together making around 200k. The trip seemed fine, until after they returned home. My parents told me that apparently they were upset and have been bitching about me being a selfish asshole for forcing them to rent a car despite having two cars. I have an extended family of about 45 people and apparently a good chunk of them have had an earful about this 'act of selfishness' on my part. My aunt and uncle even went as far as to say that I should have considered family members needing to borrow my car before buying such an expensive car. Unfortunately, while my Mom isn't siding with them, she is upset at me for not letting them borrow one of my cars. She says its not a big deal and that nothing would have happened, and even if something would have happened, I could just ' claim insurance'. My dad, however, understands my point of view and says theres nothing selfish about what I have done. I'm so conflicted. Have any of you been in a similar situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 57,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 57,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
j8GuizhTUw8NBGd1PTWSJCMqwFQ1QM7L
|
afcygy
|
{
"description": "resigning (have two month's notice) when we are chronically short-staffed, there is constant turnover, and there's no one to cover me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for resigning (have two month’s notice) when we are chronically short-staffed, there is constant turnover, and there’s no one to cover me?
|
As back story, I’ve worked at my job for almost nine years and have been trying to get the courage to resign for a LONG time. There’s never a good time with this job, but I lost my patience with the company and gave up. I resigned on Thursday, giving two month’s notice so my employer could have time to hire and we could work on training a replacement, but they let me go yesterday (one day after resignation) and now my boss, with whom I am extremely close, won’t speak to me or return my calls. I’m sure he thinks I’m screwing them over, but they’re screwing themselves over by letting me go immediately. AITA for not waiting for a “better” time?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
FDThUxNOQOw1iHmqVuvaTaEFe2NUpiT6
|
9zld79
|
{
"description": "walking of my job",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA: for walking of my job?
|
Throw away account because my co-workers know
I worked at big box store thats was open 24hr and I've working b overnights for a little over 3 years
However as Monday (my last night was shift was Friday) they switched me back to days and, because of that my sleep schedule was fucked. Fast forward to a few to Tuesday ago and I'm scheduled 10-6 , and I'm exhausted, so like any tired worker, I come in with a thermos full of coffee. However.... The manager told me I can't bring coffee and since it's against store policy. This is the first time I've heard this . Underal circumstances I'd understand.
But 4 of coworkers had thermoses of coffee (all of them were on their phones) , one of whom is known for her 48oz thing of coffee with her name embroidered on the mug. and top of that I've seen the my relief come in at 6 with hers and the manager didn't say anything to her.
So I'm fairly grumpy but polite, and essentially say "it's been a big jump from doing nights to days, I'm exhausted"
"her responses it's against store policy blah blah" she doesn't say anything else to the other people with coffee just me.
This time her tone was incredibly rude and impatient
I gesture to be group saying what about them? She ignores the question and tells me to dump it out NOW. respond with
"i quit, and you can forget about me having do nights" I throw my badge away and walk to my car and sleep for the rest of the day. I my friend called me the other day saying but unbeknownst to me my manager was really good friends with these people so that might had something to do with it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
WW2VZbDmdsuLh99HQeMjinhboCoX4aZM
|
auzpvi
|
{
"description": "disrespecting a student who died supporting a terrorist group",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 25
}
|
AITA for disrespecting a student who died supporting a terrorist group?
|
So this happened when i was in 10. Grade. For the sake of anonymity i will not give the name of the school or any students and teacher names.
So i was raised as a patriotic child since my father was a member of the army and my mother was a teacher. I respect soldiers of my country more than anyone else. And i used to have a lot of fights against other students and teachers for saying pro-terrorist stuff. I live in turkey btw just to clear things up. So around 5 years ago in my class there was a girl in my class that would go to meetings of some terrorist groups because she supported their cause.
Well i would get mad at this but since this did not affect me that much i never cared too much to say anything about it since she never confronted me about my ideals.
Her last words i heard was that she was going to a meeting with her family to support their cause.
Well the next days on the news i sae that there was an attack on the meeting site and that some people had died. Well those days that kind of stuff would happen very often in turkey so it was not surprising that it would have happened in a meeting.
After the weekend the whole class was aware of that she died and stood silent in a means to grief for her.
Well i wasn't having none of that and spook out during the lunch break that she was supporting an illegal party that would use every means possible to get what they want. So i told that she knew what was coming her way and that she deserved it since she supported them.
So to say i got a lot of backlash from my comment on her death be it from my classmates or even other teachers
Am i the asshole for disrespecting a student who died while supporting a terrorist group?
Sorry about messy post first time posting here
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 5
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 25
}
|
WRONG
|
8mLqfO3g9oyNii86UuRJZ5qYaP5XayVR
|
9xieel
| null |
AITA/who is the bigger asshole
|
Read his diary. It started when we got together and ended March this year (8year span). It is entirely passionate (not sexy just emotionally charged) entries about his ex. In March he mused about how nice it would be if the ex hadnt left him (that's 2 months into marriage). She was always willing to fuck him and the first few years of our relationship were off again on again until, I thought, he had figured his shit out). Recently she has been messaging him again.
Obviously, I am the asshole for reading his diary.
When confronted he looked me in the eye and asked twice "what the fuck is your problem?" And doesn't think I should be upset.
So, who is the bigger asshole? Am i allowed to he upset that he wants to be with her and we are married or am i well punished for reading the diary?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
dD8UQFkfpOc8LPPu1tfw4J3NUzi0D3zU
|
asusaj
|
{
"description": "not volunteering for religious groups",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not volunteering for religious groups?
|
The university I attend has some pretty great volunteer partnerships with groups in our city but when I look into some of them I find that they are rooted in religion. For example, there is a volunteer opportunity to be a camp counselor for kids whose parents have passed from cancer, but when I read up more on the organization they were very Catholic and it was clear the religion was a big part of their organization. I feel like an ass hole for passing on an opportunity to help some children because of my preference to distance myself from religion. I don't have a problem with religious people or the public and open practice of religion; I just don't want to talk about it or experience it personally. So, am I the ass hole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
TmAJ4NA5SUSE87DUYVdoCJqNISESRa1w
|
acx62a
|
{
"description": "yelling at my daughter and grounding her",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for yelling at my daughter and grounding her?
|
My daughter is sixteen, and she is generally very well behaved. We lost her mother two years ago, and she has taken on a lot more responsibilities in order to help me out, like taking care of her brothers and helping around the house. She has never really given me reason to worry about her. She has recently started to go out with her friends at night, which I’m fine with. She has a curfew of ten, but I’m generally fine with her staying out later if she calls me to let me know where she is. Last night, she came home more than an hour late with no call whatsoever. I was worried sick. I kept calling her and she wouldn’t pick up. When she finally got home, I was thankful that she was safe, but furious with how late she was (she claimed that she lost track of time and that her phone died) and I yelled at her and grounded her. I thought it was the end of it, but this morning she came up to me and said that I shouldn’t have yelled, and that I shouldn’t ground her since she rarely goes out anyway, and that since she has taken on more responsibility since her mother died, that she is essentially not a child anymore and shouldn’t be treated as one. I always knew how lucky I was that she was willing to take on these responsibilities, but I never realized that she was bitter about it. I feel guilty now, for yelling at her and grounding her, because I feel she does have a point—she’s far from being a child. But, it still doesn’t stop me from worrying about her, and I feel that as a father, I should still have to right to impose rules on her since she’s still a teenager. AITA for yelling at her and grounding her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
RIGHT
|
PxpvxvokeaKeJnVBL4SIrLkjVkB2lhIw
|
9xxag1
|
{
"description": "signing up my friends ex bf for sales calls",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I signed up my friends ex bf for sales calls
|
I have a friend whose ex boyfriend was a COMPLETE ASSHOLE. He pressured her into sex, was extremely possessive and generally treated her like shit. An example:They got into an argument at some bar/concert. He threw water on her.
​
While still dating, she sent a snapchat of me trying to fit into her her (I am very tall and she is like 4'11'). it was funny and silly. The next day I receive a message from him (I have never met or talked to him before this) saying that I need to back off and threatening me. I told him exactly what he was (a little bitch) and I would do whatever I damn well pleased.
​
She broke up with him and he totally lost his shit. He hacked her FB and messaged all the guys that she had herpes and not to fuck her and a LOT of other bullshit. She blocked him and he made other accounts and harassed her still.
​
It seems that things have calmed down now, and he has finally moved on, certainly to date and try to control and harass some other poor girl.
​
The thought of this guy pisses me off. It has been a few months since all this, but I still have his number from him txting me, and I wonder if I should sign him up for a bunch of sales calls and shit. Is that super petty? WIBTA?
​
BTW she does not ask for this. She is a pretty typical chill stoner type, and has never (as far as I can tell) started fights.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
TNxS1Va9Wjq5lt43lfvfr80cEKsfBzRY
|
9zj5l9
|
{
"description": "attempting to pursue the same woman as my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I attempt to pursue the same woman as my friend?
|
Disclaimer(s): Suck at English so any poorly worded things I can elaborate on in comments. Also, highschooler so a pretty dumb situation anyways, lol.
So, for about the last year my friend has been interested in a girl we know. He asked her to homecoming last year and this year and she said yes, but last year's spring dance she said no. From mutual friends I have learned she has no interest in him and he knows this himself, but he continues to chase after her. She's too nice to say she isn't interested in him to his face and his sisters are friends with her so, yeah messy situation.
He wants to go speak with her when he gets the chance and I always encourage him to do so, but he never does. I feel he squandered his chance for anything meaningful with the girl because he never really committed to forming a real friendship with her.
I've always stepped aside when I've learned that my friends have feelings for the same girl and tried to be a good wingman, but this time I want it to be different. I value my friendship with this guy though, but I also want a meaningful relationship with this girl too. I feel backed into a corner where I lose no matter what route I take. So, I'm asking WIBTA if I started chasing this girl either while he's interested in her or after he loses interest?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
DYLrCfkMJwfgn47HxzS8mm8q9hrNgw70
|
b9s6y6
|
{
"description": "telling my dying \"father\" I can't wait till he's dead",
"pronormative_score": 50,
"contranormative_score": 31
}
|
AITA for telling my dying "father" I can't wait till he's dead
|
So, this story goes back decades is as complicated as it gets. But the TL;DR is that my father is one of the worst human beings i've ever met. None of his family will talk to him after he stole over 20 thousand dollars from his dad. He mooched off my mom for their entire marriage. He refused to work and made my mom work 2 jobs to support us all. That was until her found a younger, hotter woman and ran of with her, leaving my mom with 4 kids to take care of on her own. He only ever reappears from time to time to ask for money or get something. When I was in college my brother let him sleep on his couch only to have my father steal his truck and try to sell it.
​
I could go on about everything he's done here but I won't. That's the past and I've moved past him and his shit (at least I think I have).
​
Well, as of recently, my father has reappeared again. This time, however, he claims he wants to "reconnect" with us. From what my siblings have said, he tried to reach out to them and apologize for everything. He want's to "make amends" for what he's done and reconnect with us. He's even tried to contact my mother and apologize.
​
I don't buy it. Up until yesterday I had two short conversations with him and while he is acting as if he's sorry there was something telling me he's lying. So against the advice of my siblings I met him yesterday for lunch to talk.
​
It turns out he has lung cancer and has 6 months to live. He says this has been his wake up call and that he want's to spend his last moments "being the father he never was" to us. The lunch was spent with him apologizing and trying to "connect" with me, but I refused to interact with him much. Towards the end of it, I honestly had enough with his groveling and told him what I thought.
​
I told him that he is a piece of human trash and that I will never accept his apology. That he has abused me and everyone else for all this time and he's not truly sorry. He only want's to feel better about it now that he's going to die. I told him that I'm happy that he's finally going to be gone. That him getting cancer is a sign of gods mercy to the world. I told him that he's going to die alone and unloved by everyone and that all of his kids will fucking party once we get the news. I ended by telling him that the last time I will ever thing of him is when I pour his ashes down the toilet after pissing in his urn.
​
I got up, payed for my half of the meal and left while he just sat there. He tried to call me last night but I ignored it and blocked his number. He's apparently told my sister what happened and after talking with her this morning she says I went over board. She says that he's dying and I should have not told him that. My mom also heard what I said and thinks that, while what I said was true, I'm wrong for ever even sitting down with him in the first place.
​
I don't feel bad at all.
AITA though?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 48,
"EVERYBODY": 24,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 50,
"WRONG": 31
}
|
RIGHT
|
boCVKf4CQTPveWoDysyq3bNWbNsyfuIO
|
aw8fvq
|
{
"description": "keeping my relationship going despite knowing it won't last",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for keeping my relationship going despite knowing it won’t last?
|
Throwaway, mobile formatting, you know the drill.
For context, I’m 17M she’s 16F. I am currently being diagnosed for gender identity disorder, but I’m still into girls. She has no idea about any of this and really just assumes I’m normal. My current situation lies in which I feel like I’m lying to her by keeping the real me hidden. She never asked, and I don’t really want many people in my life knowing about this.
We’ve been dating for around 6 months now, and it’s really going well. We have been friends for about 3 years at this point, and I’m glad we’ve moved on to this stage. It’s her first relationship and both of us have been much happier after we started dating.
She fell in love with the person I am not, and I’m too afraid to just break her heart and just end the relationship without any reason, or at least for her it won’t have any reason. Am I doing the right thing of keeping it going or am I being selfish and keeping it cause I also love her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
6Zai7wc6tVYaJKhxaCOhT2H41g70uYNr
|
a3spv2
|
{
"description": "leaving my pregnant girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my pregnant girlfriend?
|
I have been with my girlfriend for about 10 now. We started dating the summer going into our junior year of high school so our entire adult life has been together.
So a little over a year ago we both went through a bit of an identity crisis not knowing who we really are without each other. So we decided we would break-up for 1 year before meeting back together and deciding if being together was what we really wanted or if we were just trapped out of not knowing any better. It was a full break-up, there was no communication and no expectation of loyalty.
The year came and went, we both spent time alone and dated other people. It really was a good decision to make as we both decided that we really did want to be together and this little test seem to really bring us closer together.
Well we just found out that she is actually pregnant and it isn't my kid. I have since broke up with her over this. She didn't do anything wrong (other than not being careful enough) and I don't feel betrayed by her. I don't have any ill feelings for her. I still love her deeply, but I can't and won't be responsible for a child that isn't mine.
It has been a really rough week for me and I am sure it has been at least just a rough for her but I don't regret my decision. Does that make me an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
3Vu84ieGdjTeIlv2d0nqXPct1IBx0qKa
|
almy29
| null |
AITA my ex blames me
|
Hey everyone! I'm kind of new to Reddit but I saw this subreddit and needed to ask you guys something. (Gonna be extremely long post though sorry)
So around may last year I started dating this girl things were fine for the first few weeks but I found she was very clingy and always needed my attention, that's not the bad part though I could deal with that. About two weeks after we got together I had to leave to see family in another part of the country for a month and some change. She really didn't like this she cried and said that it was basically like breaking up with her, I told her no it wasn't and that I was sorry but I had to go, fast forward a few weeks I'm with my family out west and I'm talking with her everyday. I try and give her time to talk but I'm also trying to see my family since I don't get to the see them all year. I end up meeting with a friend I haven't seen in about 6 years, it was a girl and had fun catching up with her, my at the time girlfriends friend then states that I shouldn't be hanging out with other girls because I have gf. Turns out my gf had thought that I was cheating on her and told a lot of people, to be very clear I DID NOT do anything with my friend. Anyway I let this incident slide and quickly forgot about it but I soon start receiving texts from unknown numbers harassing me (if you're gonna fuck around let me fuck your girl, etc) I tell all then to fuck off (much more polite than I should've been honestly) and soon start to suspect it was my gf or her friend that is giving out my number since I don't have my number on any of my social media and don't give it out to anyone. They deny it and I think alright I don't know how it's getting out then. A little more context at the time gf was on drugs to help her sleep, she didn't tell me she was snorting them though, and with the three hour time difference I would constantly have to tell her to go to bed but she'd always say "sleep isn't as important as you" to which I'd call bullshit. Anyway after a week of harassing texts and gf constantly wanting to talk i snapped and I ended it with her. She got very drunk and admitted that she was giving out my number and telling other guys to harass me she also would blame many other things including her lack of sleep on me. And then continue to call me a cheater for hanging out with my friend. So I just wanna know am I the asshole for breaking up with her? A lot of people I know say I am and that I should've stuck with her until I got back because things would've been different but I just don't think after she admitted that stuff I could even be friends with her anymore.
Anyways thanks for listening.
TL;dr
I break up with my girlfriend over the summer and she admits to sending my number to people so they could harass me (while we were dating) but I'm seen as the bad guy because I broke up with her through the phone.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
DiO37Dx6N9YC1Sjdj8Ak706LlUMHTAJD
|
ak43ts
|
{
"description": "waiting with telling my ex-girlfriend that the baby cannot be mine",
"pronormative_score": 37,
"contranormative_score": 149
}
|
AITA for waiting with telling my ex-girlfriend that the baby cannot be mine?
|
So, first of all, obvious throwaway. Secondly, I'm on mobile, so excuse any formatting errors.
Bit of a background, I've decided a few years back, after a major pregnancy scare, that I'm not gonna leave something like this to chance, and I've got a vasectomy.
Fast forward 5 years, I'm in a relationship with this girl, our 1 year anniversary is coming up, and she decides to spring up on me, that she is pregnant. To this day, I'm amazed that I've kept my calm. I'm not going to lie here, I'm not a saint, in fact, I'm a pretty vindictive person. My first course of action was asking if she considered an abortion. After her stating, that having a child was one of her top priorities, the case was pretty much clear to me.
The whole gist of the matter, in my country, abortions are allowed until 16 weeks in. So I've waited, and bid my time to strike. I've waited the whole 16 weeks to make sure, then confronted her with the following: either we get a paternity test, or she fucks off immediately. Now I know that even a vasectomy isn't 100% safe, so I was fully prepared to take responsibility if the child was actually mine. Well, seems like I'm never going to know, as she vehemently refused testing, and broke down crying after me kicking her out.
TL;DR Girlfriend cheated on me, got pregnant, I've tricked her into believing that I belive it's mine until she couldn't abort anymore, then unceremoniously kicked her out and cut contact.
So, am I really the Asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 95,
"OTHER": 34,
"EVERYBODY": 54,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 5
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 37,
"WRONG": 149
}
|
WRONG
|
4q3lnnfGLSMDOMykR5SxSBol8GCZoBX1
|
atrxiv
|
{
"description": "stealing a kid's phone",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for stealing a kid’s phone?
|
The reason I took it was because he was recording me dancing on the last day of school, even after I specifically asked him not to. I got fed up and took it from him and put it in my pocket.
I gave it back later that day.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
CGkaHKTBCH2UzNE59A34ZlfwFhRZGarh
|
b42dsh
|
{
"description": "not putting my mums birthday party ahead of my medical admissions exam",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not putting my mums birthday party ahead of my medical admissions exam?
|
Tomorrow morning I am sitting a 10 hour medical admissions exam (in Aus it’s called the GAMSAT, it’s the equivalent of the MCAT I think). Tomorrow night is my mother’s 50th birthday party, although not her actual birthday.
The party has a theme which is ocean, from the moment she gave me the invite she said that it’s important that her kids dress up, I thought okay groovy I’ll be a mermaid. and let her know my idea. All sorted, right? Wrong. For the next two weeks she called me constantly as I was trying to study for this exam, with the calls usually ending in her suggesting that I hire out a costume (which I can’t afford) me saying no, I’ll be a mermaid, and her calling me selfish or implying that I don’t care about her party.
Every time she called I chatted a bit about the costumes etc. because I knew it was important to her, and gave her advice on her costume so she knew it mattered to me. After the first few calls I did mention that I wasn’t going to change my costume and the calls are distracting me from studying.
A few days ago I realised that if I wanted to dress up as a mermaid I’d end up being late for the party (which I’d be late for anyway, my exam finishes at 6:30pm when the party starts, and I’ll be travelling about an hour to get to the party), I mentioned this so my mum and she once again tried to force me to hire out a costume that I can’t afford. When I said no she suggested that I leave my exam early (...I paid $505 to sit this exam and only get two attempts, she is well aware of this) so I don’t end up being late. I said no, she once again called me selfish and said I don’t care about her birthday or her party and that I’m putting my medical admissions exam ahead of her party (no shit I am!).
The hilarious part of all this is that she takes so much pleasure in bragging to all her friends about how she’s doing everything she can to help make sure I do my best in this exam, but last Friday when I asked for the day off of work so I could study/because I was unwell (my mums my boss - yay) she told me there was endless amounts of work to be done and that I needed to come in. I asked multiple times for the list of tasks that need to be done and she refused to send it to me, so on Friday like the jerk that I am I came into work... it took me an hour to do the ‘mountain’ of work that was required of me. And the drive into work is an hour so it was pointless for me to go home afterwards.
I’m at a loss, she’s currently resorted to saying that I’ve ruined her birthday and she doesn’t even want a party anymore, and I’m worried if I turn up I’ll get harassed. Whereas if I don’t turn up I’ll get badmouthed to the whole family. I’m about 90% sure that after the exam all I’ll want to do is pass out/cry, I’m pretty sure just the fact that I’m showing up shows that I care...
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
CAcx0fxvWzz4wprgJsgEPz8qNIkBCJwQ
|
b76dph
|
{
"description": "asking my roommate to not tell me what to do with my stuff",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA If I asked my roommate to not tell me what to do with my stuff?
|
I (23f) live with two other roommates (22f and 19f). We all get along mostly well, except for a few spats here and there. Tonight, my youngest roommate bought dry shampoo for the first time and asked "What does it DO?" And I said "It absorbs the oil in your hair" and she goes "Where does the oil GO?" So I got a plate to demonstrate (I was going to use the plate for her scalp and rub some oil on it and sprinkle cornstarch to demonstrate the dry shampoo). My other roommate said, "No, let's not dirty dishes."
Here's the thing: It's my dish. I brought about 90% of the kitchen stuff in general, including a full set of plates and bowls with a matching set of cups and mugs. I was standing next to the sink, and I had asked everyone to clean up the dishes they used earlier this week. Would I be the asshole if I said to my roommate "Don't tell me what I can and can't do with my own dish?" I can understand if it was her dish, but it's not.
The only reason I haven't yet is because she has an issue with me saying stuff like that, telling me that I'm talking down to her yet she's constantly talking over me and saying stuff like "Don't dirty a dish," and "Never say that again," in all seriousness.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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a7d2or
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{
"description": "getting frustrated with my boyfriend after he told me crying was unprofessional",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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|
AITA for getting frustrated with my boyfriend after he told me crying was unprofessional?
|
Let me preface this by saying this past year has been the worst of my life. I have been depressed and disassociating and so stressed. I took a leave of absence from my university this semester so I could transfer because it was a terrible place for my self image and health. My boyfriend of ten months knows all of this. Decisions for transfer should come out around now and I just called the admissions office of my hopeful university and found out some of my high school transcripts aren't in. He started telling me to call the admissions office now (sending around 20 separate messages saying "now" "NOW" "stop messagijg me here" "call the admissions officr Znow" "you nlNEED to call zznow"), though I'd already called them and that would have been apparent if he had closely read my previous messages explaining what was going on with the transcript and the call to the office. I told him I had called and was going to call back, but that I'd just be crying to them. He said to not cry because it is "not professional". I know crying is unprofessional. He didn't have to tell me that. In response I said I know crying is unprofessional and asked how I'm even supposed to help it. I said I'm in a crisis. How am I supposed to help but cry when it seems like I am incapable of doing anything right and I just found out I will have to be out of school for a year and all my plans are falling apart? It just felt totally unempathetic and out of touch on his part.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "rejecting my dad's suggestion of religion as a solution to possible health issues",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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|
AITA for rejecting my dad's suggestion of religion as a solution to possible health issues?
|
Disclaimers: do not bring an r/atheism attitude to this please. Also, I live on my own, I was visiting home. I am uninsured at this time.
Last night my dad got home (drunk, so more emotional) and asked if there was anything he could do to help me. After some back and forth, it seems he was misinformed on some things I've been having trouble with, including my suspicion of having ADHD (this is a years long process of research and learning, unconfirmed because doctors and psychs had been rather expensive for me with or without insurance). I only brought it up because he'd asked how my A+ certification was going.
He suggested re-adding me to his insurance but it was cost prohibitive on both of us. After the insurance suggestion, he suggested church / a priest. I did give religions a fair chance as a child and it doesn't appeal to me. I had to tell him no in an increasingly... irritated tone to get him out of this loop. (I made it clear that my issue was with my mom for being very anti-medication and thus being the largest part of the issue.) He seemed saddened by this just before going to bed.
I completely understand and appreciate his wanting to help me. However, I'm one of the few in the family who doesn't subscribe to religion. I don't have a problem with my family when it comes to that, it just doesn't work for me. AITA?
TL;DR: probably have ADHD which makes it hard to get certs I want, dad feels guilty when I bring up mom's very anti-med stance, suggests church, I reject, he seemed hurt.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "complaining on my upstairs neighbors to our landlord",
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WIBTA, if I complain on my upstairs neighbors to our landlord?
|
Me and my wife have been living in this apartment for a little over a year a got new neighbors shortly after moving in. These people are the loudest human beings on the planet.
1. I’m pretty sure there feet are made of lead. And they stomp upstairs upon all hours of the night.
2. They have 2 dogs and one of the will bark for hours. It will be 2 am - 5 am and this dog will bark continually the entire time without them trying to correct it. I have two dogs and if my dogs ever bark I discipline them according because I don’t want to bother my neighbors.
3. They will get in screaming matches like once a week. These fights are loud enough we’re I know exactly what they are fighting about. When they fight they will throw stuff making it even louder.
4. Me and my wife have are son coming in the beginning of June I’m super nervous about him having to sleep through their shenanigans.
Reddit WIBTA for going to the landlord about these problems or how can I be less of an asshole?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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"description": "waiting for my girlfriend to text me, first",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 10
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AITA for waiting for my girlfriend to text me, first?
|
Before jumping to any conclusions, here’s the backstory and where I’m at:
We’ve been together for 4 great months. She’s a great girl and I’m so happy with her. But, one flaw: she never reaches out to me.
I call/text her everyday just saying hi and seeing how she’s doing. You know, “boyfriend”, type stuff. And it’s easy for me to do when I truly care for her. After 3+ months I started getting annoyed. Realized she has never called me ONCE. I repeat, NOT ONCE. I know she really cares for me and wants to talk to me, so it baffles my mind why she won’t reach out. So, I started waiting to text her - i went crazy. I felt this unspoken tension the whole day and i knew she was waiting to hear from me. She eventually texted me, late at night (midnight) just saying goodnight and she hopes everything is okay. I said goodnight and said everything was good. Come the next day, no message until late, again. I opened up and told her how I feel like I’m the one reaching out all the time and I get no initiation from her. I told her I just want to feel more, “wanted”, and a simple text/call during the day could do all that and more. When I told her all of this, she replied:
“Hey, sorry if I dont text/ call you enough. I’ve never been good with that stuff but I’m going to try and work on it 🙂 I appreciate you always making an effort to talk to me. It’s dumb but I always think “I’ll just let him call me when it’s convenient for him so I know I’m not bothering/interrupting him” I know I can always talk to you if theres an issue and trust me, I had every intention on talking to you about whatever was going on at some point today. I want you to know you can do the same with me!! Even though it was only 1 day it was so not like us not to speak so my mind was racing automatically thinking the worst (typical me) and so I made myself so upset/sick over the fact that something was possibly not right. Sorry if any of this sounds dramatic but its 100% the truth. I just care about you A LOT and I want you to know! With all that being said, no need to not talk to me until I talk you anymore, I get it now and will make more of an effort 🙂”
I felt great reading that. So relieved. But, 2 days have passed and she hasn’t reached out all day. Of course, I could reach out to her. The phone works both way, I know that! But, I want to see if she really meant what she said.
Side note: She’s a quiet girl. An absolute DIME, but very to herself. So much so that this girl is a 10/10 but I’m her FIRST boyfriend at 21 years old. Maybe she’s new to the whole relationship thing? But, still. She acknowledged it and said she’d change. But, seemingly hasn’t.
Am I the asshole for playing this petty game and not reaching out?
Thanks, everyone.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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ahxtsd
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{
"description": "not mentioning to my date about a previous hookup",
"pronormative_score": 9,
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|
AITA for not mentioning to my date about a previous hookup
|
Started talking to this girl on Tinder, we made dinner plans. Date day comes, due to shitty weather we have to delay and I end up going to her place to watch a movie. The movie watching never happens for some reason and we end up in her bed, going to town. She was pretty nervous I think, so she was talking random stuff between making out.
​
She decides to tell me (between making out in her bed) that she recently got waxed and how her waxing lady is this super cool polyamorous lady that she should be friends with, cause she has cool stories. She tells me her name and it hits me. It's a girl that I hooked up with about 3 times, latest hookup being approximately 2 months before this 'movie watching'. She talks about the waxing lady some 5 minutes and I sit there, listen and ponder if I should tell her about my time with the waxing lady. We were having a good time and I decide not to tell her, thinking it would ruin the mood. We proceed to the fun stuff, all is good. We end up having a great time, so the next evening I go to her place again and repeat.
​
Then I go out of town and we keep texting daily. I usually don't like 90% of the girls that I meet online, but I decide I like her, she was really nice. One week passes and we text daily.
​
I remember about the waxing lady and decide it's the right to do and tell this girl about her. I bring it up through text and say something like 'Remember you told me about X? Yea, so wanted to tell you that I saw her about 3 times, last time 2 months before meeting you'.
​
She gets worked up really quick and starts saying that I have low standards, I'm pathetic and being shady with her. I tell her that I didn't wanna ruin the mood that night, because we were having a great time and I didn't think it would be a big issue since I met the waxing lady 2 months before meeting her. She says the only reason I didn't tell her that night was because I knew that otherwise I wouldn't have gotten laid. Then it's bye bye.
​
Now I'm wondering what should I do if I end up again in that kind of situation. Tell the girl immediately or never tell her?
AITA here?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ay51ao
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{
"description": "telling a guy he was a bad kisser",
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|
AITA for telling a guy he was a bad kisser?
|
So this happened several years ago when I was in college. I think it’s kind of cringey/funny to look back and think about but I still wonder if I was a Grade A Asshole.
I was in a class with one of the friends of a guy I’d hooked up with a couple times (let’s call ex-hookup A, friend in class B). I was really into A but it never went anywhere and kind of fizzled out. I was upset but whatever, shit happens.
However, B kind of started showing an interest in me and I was like fuck it, he’s kind of attractive and if it happens to weird out A then that’s just a bonus. So B and I plan to “work on an assignment together” at his place (I actually DID want to work on the assignment for at least a bit but he didn’t lol).
The whole time I’m at his place trying to get a bit of work done and he keeps saying stuff like, “Yeah, A is a total stoner and never does shit with his life” (even though B was telling me this while smoking a fat joint) and “I definitely could’ve gotten into XYZ frat, I know so many of the guys there” and just dumb shit I didn’t care about. Finally I resign to the fact that I’m not gonna get any work done so he offers me some of the joint and I take it. We got pretty high and decided to watch Django Unchained (again, I actually wanted to watch this but I later found out was not the case with him lol) and not even 10 minutes into the beginning he goes for the kiss. Except it was a really fucking bad kiss. Like, his entire lips engulfed my mouth. Whatever, maybe he like slipped or something.
We take it to his bedroom and he is still just doing a terrible job kissing. By now I’m like high as a kite and kind of just trying to get into it but I just couldn’t. I think he was *trying* to suck on my lower lip in a sexy way but it ended up being a big swollen bruise the next day. It was like making out with one of a Kraken’s tentacles. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and told him, “Look, I’m not trying to be mean, but you’re kind of a bad kisser.” At the time I think it sounded ok because I was so fucking high but he obviously did not take it well, told me he wasn’t hard anymore, and ended up driving me home. I told my friends what happened and while they thought it was hilarious they definitely said I was in the wrong. I did end up texting him apologizing for “being bitchy” because I was high but I literally never spoke to him or even made eye contact him again, even though we were in a very small class for the rest of the semester.
So, WITA for telling him that he sucked (pun kind of intended) at kissing?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not buying my disabled grandma soda when she asks for one",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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|
AITA for not buying my disabled grandma soda when she asks for one?
|
I'm a state-paid caretaker for my grandparents, along with an older sister of mine. My grandma, who is 84 and about 178 pounds, has been told by her doctor to cut out sweets in their entirety, *especially* soda. My grandma has already gotten much better; in the last two years she really cut down on Pepsi and lost about a hundred pounds.
However, it seems she's hit a plateau and she's not really loosing any more weight, maybe a pound here or there and that's it. My concern is that she has a tendency to refuse the meals that my sister and I prepare for her (which consist of vegetables, good fats, protein, and so on), and instead begs to have cereal like Honey nut oats or cinnamon raisin bread. She'll ask for ice cream and then say she's too full to eat any of her actual meal, and she'll throw a fit if we ask her to wait for dessert until afterwards.
My grandma got really close to kicking the Pepsi habit for real, that is, until she discovered that root beer doesn't have any caffeine in it. Now she's drinking a big glass of root beer every day, no matter how many times my sister and I sit down with her and try to explain that *sugar* is the problem more than caffeine.
She gets VERY upset whenever my sister and I question her diet at this point. The thing is, I do see where she's coming from. My grandma has all her independence stripped away from her; she can't drive and she has to rely on her grandchildren for transportation and to make most of her purchases for her. She says she knows that it's bad for her, but that she's so old she doesn't want to sacrifice her small joys for maybe an extra year or so of life.
However, although I understand her, her mental facilities *are* slipping and it seems like she literally wouldn't eat any real food unless my sister and I kept up the pressure to eat healthy. She claims over and over again that she *never* gets to eat anything sweet, which is a lie. The reality is that she gets stressed out and wants to eat sweets to calm down and maybe exert some independence.
Would I be the asshole for refusing to buy her root beer? At this point in time, I don't really know what to do so I just try to remind her that her doctor wouldn't want her drinking that, before going and getting her soda anyways. In this case, am I the asshole for enabling her sugar addiction?
She gets pretty upset when I remind her about her doctor. Should I stop bringing it up and just let her have her way? Her memory is so bad, and she's so willful about getting her way, that it's impossible to to try to some sort of compromise to limit her soda intake. Reddit, please help me because I'm in dire need for a moral judgement here.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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agcmji
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{
"description": "not finding my GF attractive",
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}
|
AITA for not finding my (23m) GF (23f) attractive?
|
Throwaway because I'm paranoid someone I know will see this ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
​
Anyway, I've been dating my GF for about 6 months now. I think she's really great and I love to talk to her as well as be around her. The problem is I don't find her attractive physically. Not to toot my own horn, but I know what I look like and by a conventional outlook I'm a little "out of her league". That doesn't bother me at all as I'm someone who seeks an emotional connection well before a physical one, particularly as I've gotten older. She has a really high sex drive and just about every time we are together she wants to have sex. Oppositely my libido is rather low, and 99% of the time I don't make any sexual moves towards her.
​
The other day we were laying in bed after I had just gotten home from work and was subsequently falling asleep. She makes a move and I brushed it off. After I made it clear I wasn't feeling it currently, she got fairly flustered with me saying she doesn't feel like I want to connect physically with her. I told her I loved her and that I just was tired. Which is true, but I also just don't find her physically attractive especially in a sex related environment, despite not saying that to her.
​
So, am I being the asshole because I don't find her sexually attractive?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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argrfo
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{
"description": "giving up on my best friend",
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"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for giving up on my best friend?
|
We used to be extremely close, talk all the time and hang out really often. Then she met her fiancé and had a baby and they got their own place across town from me. Since she’s moved we almost never see each other anymore. Her fiancé will never watch the baby and every time she wants a babysitter he gets mad and starts a fight with her. I don’t have a car or get along with her fiancé so it makes it tough for me to visit her. It really seems to me that the fiancé is emotionally abusing her and keeping her locked up away from everyone. She has talked to me before a out him bullying her about certain things. I didn’t react well to hearing this and kinda told her she needs to get away from him, etc. Recently she posted a new profile picture of herself and she looked gaunt, pale and generally not super healthy. I messaged her about my concern and told her I didn’t think she looked like herself or well. She got mad at me and said she’s perfectly healthy and she has a good relationship and I need to stop criticizing everything she does. She was also upset the I’m never supportive of her and that it bothered her. I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to argue but now it’s been over a week and I still really don’t have a response for her. She doesn’t do anything to be supportive of, I haven’t seen seen her 6 months and she lives 5 miles away and I’m genuinely concerned for her. She doesn’t want to her it and so I really am just at a loss. So would I be an asshole for giving up on our friendship? She doesn’t seem to want to change anything about her situation and there obviously isn’t room for me the way things are.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not telling my sister about my engagement before making the social media announcement",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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|
AITA for not telling my sister about my engagement before making the social media announcement?
|
This gets kind of tricky.
My sister and I have never been close, our relationship varying between "cold war" and "her being outright hostile" (note: I avoid provoking her as much as I can to avoid the screaming and threat of bodily harm). When I told my parents about my engagement, I told them that I planned to tell my sister about the engagement over Christmas when we were both at home, which was before my fiancé and I had decided was our big social media announcement day.
However, as soon as my sister arrived for the holidays, she was in an utterly foul mood for reasons unconnected with her trip, and I chose to avoid her hoping I'd catch her in a good mood later before the announcement day. As it turned out, she was in a foul mood the entire time I was home before I left with my fiancé to visit his family for their half of Christmas, which just so coincided with the announcement going on social media.
When I came back from visiting my future in-laws, my sister was in a tightly-controlled utter rage, and she screamed that what I'd done was incredibly shitty, and that I should have told her to her face so she didn't find out through social media (which, by the way, she almost never checks).
So, am I an asshole for not announcing it to her to her face?
|
HISTORICAL
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aa1ey9
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{
"description": "not taking enough care for a Coworker because of mental illnes",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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}
|
AITA for not taking enough care for a Coworker because of mental illnes?
|
Hey everyone.
A little backstory. A coworker had several psychologically problems. Burnout and such things. He came back years ago and all seems fine. We became friends at work and he got a wife and son.
One day at work he was very cautious. I asked him whats up and he said his bankaccount was hacked. He needed money for his son and his wife, but the bank closed his account (he told me so). I told him, i could borrow him the money, but i need it back in 6 months. He answered, he can give it back in 3 months. So I borrowed him 5k. 2 weeks later he came and asked for more. The bank needs more time to solve the problems and such things. Long story short, i gave him additional 2k for the time. He said he isn't doing so well for now and I felt sorry.
After 6 months I began to ask about the money. He was like "I need more time, sry". Several weeks gone by and I've seen nothing from the 7k. I asked several times, but it was always the same monolog. Even as I admited that I need the money for a new Car (had a little accident). So I proposed him, he could return in installments. He said "yeah ok", but until today there came nothing.
Then I became a little rude and confronted him. We came to the same end as ever. I asked him again and again the next weeks. Although I knew he was not feeling well.
Now the point. 2 weeks ago he didn't came to work. I was told that he is back in a clinic because of burnout. I am afraid it's my fault. He really stressed himself into the "thing with the money" but i need it. I gave him almost everything I had. And now i don't know if it was ok.
It seems like this thing is responsible for his hospital stay.
Was I to rude? Should i take more care because of his backstory? I'm in very doubt.
Sorry for my very bad english.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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a27mxw
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{
"description": "not letting my employees switch shifts",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my employees switch shifts?
|
Here's the story of my current situation. I work at a coffee shop and our manager recently left. While we are manager-less I have been put in charge. I do all daily operations, orders, maintenance, settling employee issues, etc etc. I do all of this without any additional pay or title change (they're "working on" promoting me but that's a post for a different sub on a different day). The only things I don't have access to are payroll and schedule building so they're being taken care of by a manager from a near by location. Everybody knows those two things are out of my control and if they need to change their availability or ask for days off they need to talk to that manager, not me. She requires these requests to be put in 2 weeks in advance.
Everybody knows the shitty situation I'm in right now. I'm running a store with no control over my staff's schedules. After schedules get published people often come to me with issues ("I was scheduled on a day and time I have school" and "this was already approved time off and yet somehow I'm working???") They have to put in requests 2 weeks in advance. Everything is just one huge cluster fuck. In instances like this I decide to fuck it and not deal with my "babysitter." I find some way to rearrange the shifts and everything works out fine. I've talked to them so many times about how they need to be patient and understanding. I said that I know things suck right now but it's temporary and we'll all get through together. Things will go back to normal after the holidays. In the meantime I'm doing what I can to keep things as normal as possible. You'd think everyone would understand how difficult this all is and they'd be a little mature. I'd hope they could make small sacrifices like just dealing with the fact that their shifts are going to look a little different than we're used to (ex 9AM - 5PM instead of 8AM - 4PM).
There's one barista in our shop that is more bitter than the coffee we serve. She gets off on being pissed off. Anyways... right before my boss left, this barista demanded she be cut to working 4 days a week. Not for school or another job. No. She wants to work 4 days a week because "it's not fair that I work 5 days a week and bring home 22 hours while Eric works 4 days a week and has the same number of hours!"
She also insists on being out by 3pm every day. "I need time to see my girlfriend! Never get to see her because our work schedules clash and then I keep getting scheduled all weekend when she's off!" There are only 3 shifts that get out by 3pm and they're all shorter shifts. The only two 8 hour shifts at our store are 8-4 and a closing shift that gets out around 11:30 at night. She refuses to work these shifts, again, so she can "spend time with her girlfriend."
So next week's schedule came out yesterday and this salty barista saw that she's working 4 days but only has 18 hours. She started complaining left and right. I tried to ignore it because I didn't have time to deal with her hissy baby fit. It's month end, I have a mountain of work, corporate is on my ass despite not giving me access/resources to do my job, and she literally brought this on herself. Besides, I don't build the schedule. She knows this. I can fix small issues but this is not something I had any say in.
At the end of her shift she comes to me telling me she's taking another baristas shift (for a total of 5 days and 23 hours). He works 2 jobs so he doesn't "need as many shifts here" and is willing to give her one to help boost her hours. Well denied the request. If he really wants the day off, somebody else can take the shift. But he doesn't want to because she approached him about giving it to her. I am sick of her not being a team player, being negative, and wanting her way or the highway. She cut down her availability drastically and still expects to rake in 22-25 hours a week. Even if I had control over the schedules, I can't pull hours out of my ass like that.
I told her that I won't allow it because of the availability she insisted on. If she wants more hours she can return to having open availability and pick up some mid day or closing shifts. But I will not give her more morning shifts when she insists on working this way. We have plenty of other people (positive team players) that also need to work morning shifts.
If I keep accommodating her she'll keep walking all over me and taking advantage of the situation we're in. And it won't stop when I become the manager either. She'll keep doing shady things to get exactly what she wants. This is my line in the sand as a new leader. Am I the asshole for that?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
lUum9atHCSPEPPfdwvVx5SM63UMZJ1Gm
|
agc2ko
|
{
"description": "moving out and leaving my mother alone",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for moving out and leaving my mother alone?
|
so, to begin with: I am a 24 year old female.
I was raised by my mother, who has been a full-time working single mother. I always had a pretty good bond with her growing up, and we were living in different small apartments, just us two, for as long as I can remember.
Now, everything changed once I started a serious relationship and soon thereafter wanted to move out to live with my boyfriend (I was 19 at the time).
From the moment I started speaking about my plans, she got upset, saying that I am not allowed to move out and that she thought I would stay with her at least until I finish University.
I tried talking to her about it over and over, but she kept saying that she forbids me to move out. We had multiple arguments at that time, some ended in her screaming at me, saying I was a horrible daughter for leaving her alone and that she will DISINHERIT me if I should move out.
I did actually move out, mostly with the help of my friends and my grandparents. She didn't talk to me for weeks and only once or twice visited me and my bf in our apartment.
Our relationship has been very tense since then and I feel like she tries to let her anger out on me every time I see her (which is mostly for the holidays etc). She has even gone so far as to say to my face she's happy that one of our pets died in my time of grief. (Because she was against us having pets in OUR apartment).
It has been more than 4 years since I moved out,I am still happily living with my bf, but sometimes I still feel very sad, thinking about all the horrible stuff she said to me and trying to figure out if I am really such a terrible daughter for leaving her. This event has been tough on me, so I thought maybe hearing other people's opinion wouldn't hurt.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
4J2eZtOSgMTGvgfEhOJlbLFtInFkKNoX
|
aj3vdb
|
{
"description": "yelling at my friend over a game",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for yelling at my friend over a game?
|
So me and a guy like to play smash bros on his console during our free period. He banned me after getting mad about him and another guy teaming me because ¨i was king k rool¨. Then i refused to give the seat (that i brought over) so someone else could play. So AITA for yelling at him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
vpyX6KdEVkav1Eb3F9Z7VpfCk6ufwIZe
|
av0x9j
|
{
"description": "being blunt with a mutual acquaintance",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for being blunt with a mutual acquaintance?
|
So I (29M) have this really good and considerate friend, J (28F). She set up a trip this year to Bonaroo with me, a close friend, and one of her random friends, A (26F). Now J has been trying to hook me up with A, and I was receptive to the idea because she's cute and she was cool the few times when we hung out. She's not interested in a relationship right now, and I told her that was cool, lets be friends.
feel like we need to get to know each other since we'll have to spend a week together, and she's expressed that she feels the same way, but in no way do her actions reflect that. I've tried four times to get her to hang out and she's always busy. Cool, I'm understanding, but she has never invited me to hang. I text her and try to get to know her, she gives short answers and usually just stops responding. Yesterday I thought, I'll send a joke to break the ice, she did not respond at all. Keep in mind, she had asked J why I wasn't trying to be friends with her, why I wasn't texting her, and that she really wanted to get to know me.
I'm normally a long fuse kind of guy, but I find the whole thing to be widely inconsiderate and it's pretty frustrating. This morning, I decided to be straight with her about how I feel so I texted her, "Jesus fuck do you ever make it hard for people trying to be your friend. Like holy shit, buddy, you're about as hard to talk to as a bear fucking a goose."
I feel mostly validated in my feelings, and I've been nothing but nice up to this point. I would say the same thing to any of my friends, who all know that I'm blunt. I'd rather air the issue than skirt it passive aggressively. J says this is totally out of character, for A, so I feel like maybe I was too harsh.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
EK9gHsbQDfgOieoz4IBFeitnCvXehDka
|
9uk9i4
|
{
"description": "telling my friend that something was wrong with her if she needs to drink alcohol after school",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my friend that something was wrong with her if she needs to drink alcohol after school
|
so basically it goes like this. my(15f) friend(14f) was snap chatting me like a half an hour ago telling me that she was drinking because she was home alone so i said “are you fucking stupid” and she goes “lol yep” so i said “drinking alone is a sign of alcoholism” and she goes “let me do what i want. what do you even know about alcoholism” so i said “i’ve seen alcoholism and i know what it looks like “ and she goes “it’s been a long day “ so i say “i think if you need to drink vodka after a monday at school that’s just sad and somethings wrong with you” she was pretty pissed i guess so she just says “let me do what i want it’s none of you’re business what i’m drinking it’s not like i’m a fucking alcoholic” i understand that it might not be any of my business but this girl is my best friend and i don’t understand her new found fixation on alcohol. everyday she brings up drinking and wanting to drink. personally i don’t drink or anything like that. i just care about her so much but do i need to grow up and get on the drinking train?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
zBDFon2tN5RxNmyPr6KzhBWsXTfZpgBG
|
b0lmzk
| null |
WIBTA if girlfriend(20F) decides to break with me(19M) due to physical shortcomings when it was already apparent in the first place?
|
I’ll keep it short. Sorry if the mobile formatting makes it look really weird in the end.
Basically, I was just a naive 19 year old and she was just an indecisive 20 year old. We met in college, and throughout 1 whole year we strengthened our bond, firstly as friends, then closer friends and finally, I popped the question to her. We both had mutual feelings for one another, and so she agreed and we got together. An obvious problem that didn’t follow most stereotypes was that I was shorter than her by about 2cm, and I was a year younger. When asked about my shortcomings compared to her, she promptly threw that aside and said that such things never bothered her, and that she would like/love me for who I was. Only after TWO MONTHS, that spark in her quickly died, and on one unfortunate night, she ended it right there and then. There were no major red flags or symptoms beforehand. There I was, minding my own business when we decided to text for a while, and suddenly things started to get more serious and I could almost feel negative vibes coming off from her. On that fateful night, she literally just dumped me. All of my feelings were still there, as if nothing had changed between us. But it did. She let go of me so quickly, but there I was still shell shocked by the sudden news, and I felt that I had just lost something so special to me. It took me months to recover, and now I’m feeling better.
Her reasons for doing so?
- I was immature
- *I was younger*
- *I was shorter* (by a measly 2cm :/)
- I was sensitive
- She didn’t feel so special going out with me anymore, and so she started to question herself as to why she felt that way, and things started to quickly spiral out of hand, and all these complains start pouring out of the woodwork.
On my side, I didn’t complain or become toxic towards her. I had told her before that when this day comes I wouldn’t be harsh or go nuts at her. And so I kept to my word, and we both split ways. However we are classmates at college, and we take the same course. I’ll have to face her one way or another one day, but currently I’m doing my best to stay as ‘friends’. I really don’t know what to do, and I’m not even sure if this is the right subreddit to go to....who’s the asshole here? AITA? I know that the past is the past, and I won’t ever think about getting back together. *I also know that maybe the break was because of my sensitivity and ‘immaturity’*. I just want some friendly opinion that’s all.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
HOAxfk9WXSxLtQn5Iku0qssJvOBAMRpw
|
b5jvl3
|
{
"description": "not giving my bf the affection he wants",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving my bf the affection he wants?
|
I'm 19 and my bf 20, we have been together for almost 2 years now. I truly love him and like cuddling, but sometimes it's too much. He asks to cuddle and after a while i want to do something else or just lay next to him and chat with friends online, but then he gets upset.
When i eventually do something else, he comes up to me and asks for hugs. Sometimes i don't want to and just relax, browse on my laptop, etc. He then gets upset and says "okay then..".
He often even demands a hug and when i don't want to atm he gets frustrated and grabs me for a hug or just keeps asking. It's starting to get annoying and can feel suffocating.
Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
4CwijgMp5jgtRm5pi7e8RLkOuO3z3BKk
|
alcawe
|
{
"description": "dating my brothers ex wife",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 86
}
|
AITA For dating my brothers ex wife?
|
This is one of those situations that happen frequently on tv but you could never imagine it happening to you.
I have been dating my ex sister in law for five months now. Its been secret, passionate, and wonderful. I am 27, she is 24. She divorced my 30 year old brother a year ago after four years of a dysfunctional marriage.
I knew her throughout that entire time, and we never crossed any lines since im not a cheater and neither is she. We did joke, we talked, we became best friends. She and myself have similar outlooks on life, we share the same politics and humor, we know almost everything about one another.
She and my brother were not compatible to say the least. My family comes from a small southern background and my brother hates that part of himself and thinks hes "above that". He made my sister in law move to NYC so he could pursue his teaching career but she hated the city.
When they met he was out of college and wasnt as much of a snob, he had fun then and wasnt afraid to go outside in shorts and flip flops.
Now hes like Patrick Bateman, obsessing over material things, looks, appearances. He has no joy in his life. Im not saying this to make anyone hate him, but my then sister in law was completely different.
They had a bad breakup, and initially i stayed away, but we were best friends for so long that i decided to message her. We instantly hit it off, and now I can say that i do love her very much. I think i found my soul mate.
I havent told anyone except my sister and mother. My mom thinks i shouldnt be dating my brothers ex wife, my sister thinks i shouldnt be keeping it a secret from my brother. I feel like the past is the past and if we love eachother, thats enough.
Am i the ass.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
JXEoKR8LUFCy1X4yFMQ8qilqmilGlkPU
|
a5b5kf
|
{
"description": "not moving back in with my old roommate",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I didn't move back in with my old roommate?
|
AITA if I dont move rooms?
I am at a college where you have to share a very small room with another roommate unless you are lucky and get one of the very few single person rooms. The rule at this college is under-18s are not allowed to share with over-18s. Recently I became over-18 and have moved out the room I was in (which had 4 roommates) and into a room by myself.
My old roommate from last year, John, is also over 18 so we were not sharing but were expecting to after I turned 18. I expected this because I had been told by the head of education that I will most likely move in with him and his current roommate, Steve, will move into a room on his own.
On the day I was moving I saw that I was going into a single room and I went and checked with the head of accomodation if they had moved me correctly into my own room and they said yes it was all planned. I then told John who said I should try to see if I could move in with him and switch with Steve. I said that I didnt want to do this because I was so lucky to get a room on my own and did not want to lose it. A couple of day later I get called in to talk to the head of education and he asks if I would be okay giving my single room to my John and moving in with Steve who I am not very close with (he is also a bit of a bad roommate very messy and kinda creepy). Luckily I did get a choice in this and I said no I am happy where I am.
My main question is if I am the asshole for not moving in with John or is he for attempting to move into my single room?
Sorry if this is a bit of a rambly post I dont often comment but if there is any qestions or I dont make sense anywhere please ask me to clarify.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
JpDDzDFfGTJWykNDN9w3Azn6XDcozhmr
|
aeryzq
|
{
"description": "blowing off my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for blowing off my best friend?
|
Ok so some context here. I met one of my 3 best friends in 8th grade, we can talk to each other about anything and we have a lot in common and relate to each other easily. We’re like two peas in a pod and I love him to death no homo. However, he’s always been the overthinking type, assumes the worst is going to happen, and is VERY chatty. I’m more on the quiet side, I’m more stoic in my thought process and I suck at small talk and conversations in general. Despite these differences we’ve had similar experiences, we know we can trust each other, and we click very easily, which is why we’re best friends. We hang out a lot during the weekends with our group of friends, and we enjoy each other’s company. However, I usually have rugby a couple days a week right after school, and when I don’t I go and lift with another one of my 3 best friends. The thing is though, we just go and lift, it’s not like we would chill at each other’s houses after. I generally don’t like to hang out with people during the week because I just wanna go home and call it a day after having to deal with people I don’t like and waking up at an ungodly hour.
Back to my original friend. He always wants to FaceTime, and don’t get me wrong I’m happy to talk when we’re together in person, but when we FT it always drags out to at least 45 minutes, and it’s mostly him doing the talking. I find the fact that the conversations take so long to be annoying, and I have confronted him about this and he did say he’ll try and keep them shorter. It actually did the first two times but then it reverted. It just gets annoying when he calls me when I’m doing homework or something because I know I’m dedicating an hour or so to this, when after school+rugby I really just want to be by myself, chill, and unwind.
I’ve told him I don’t like FTing because the conversations always stretch out and I ask him to just tell me what he needs to say on Snapchat unless it’s urgent. But I’ve been thinking about whether I’m really being a good friend or not, because this could be taken as “Jimbussss is only there for me when it’s convenient for him.” After realizing this I’ve been feeling really feel bad saying no to him so I’ve just been saying shit like “I have hw” or “Rugby was a bitch today I’m tired asl.” I really don’t want a trivial issue like this to spoil the great friendship we have and I don’t want to lose a person who’s made my life so much better because of this. I’m super confused on how to handle this going forward as well.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
XcisQQTftZ8vEGQcA2wB1P7v3jLCvJfG
|
aj5j0f
|
{
"description": "keeping my Cat Indoors",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Keeping My Cat Indoors?
|
Hello folks, I've got a bit of classic "family drama" here that I hope serves as a good post for this sub. I apologise if I ramble a bit!
I bought my own first pet around six months ago - an awesome Maine Coon kitten I imaginatively named "Luna". She's such a joy to keep as a pet, and brought so much happiness to a somewhat dark spot of my life. As per her vets advise, now she's six months old I've had her booked into being neutered and getting a track chip for her in a few weeks time.
For context, I'm still kind of young and live with my parents. As such, there are times I'm out of the house working when my cat and my family are home together. Recently, I ended up arguing with them all about how I intend to keep Luna as a house cat. This decision mainly stems from how all three cats my parents have owned in the past unfortunately passing away due to car accidents. We live in a relatively urban area, so there can often times be a lot of traffic by where we live. In addition, a lot of our neighbors own big adult cats that I worry would attack Luna if left to her own devices, not to mention the large number of dog walkers we have in our area.
Recently, my parents have seemingly tried to guilt trip me, talking about how she is "desperate to go outside" and urging me to hurry up and get her neutered and chipped so she can do so. I stood my ground and said that Luna will be a house cat. Well, to that my parents reacted badly, saying that to do that would be cruel and inhumane. Not only that, my Mom has outright stated that she intends to let her out "if she wants to go out" regardless of my wishes. It's led to argument over argument on the topic, causing me to doubt myself more and more.
Part of me certainly feels bad about restricting her to only the house, but it's not like our house is small or anything. I'd even be willing to "walk" her, depending on how she took to that. I know for a fact that if I let my cat that brings so much joy to my life outside, and something terrible were to happen, I'd be furious and upset with myself. Are my folks right in calling me the asshole for how I intend to treat my cat?
TLDR; AITA for insisting my cat remains a house cat, despite my parents claims of "cruelty" to do so?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
NDhiC5MlIcJvMudutbRyRhiqPqqhgtqV
|
a4lhvk
|
{
"description": "not wanting a second kid because I value my free time",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting a second kid because I value my free time?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
|
|
6PSbdrb3OWTm1XBKkjWbtQenBCGRnENs
|
auoxis
| null |
AITA for the way I take lefts at T intersections while driving?
|
Okay so I’ve had a few close calls and near accidents for this while driving, and received a lot of honks and colorful language.
Let me do my best to describe the situation. I am approaching a three way (T) intersection. I am going on the straight part, so as I approach the intersection, my options are to either continue straight or take the left down the perpendicular road. I do not have a stop sign.
I decide that I want to turn left down the perpendicular road, so as I approach the intersection I put my blinker on. There is already a person at the stop sign on the perpendicular road, trying to make a left.
Because I don’t have a stop sign, I continue through the intersection and take my left, even though the person at the perpendicular was technically at the intersection first. However, the person, upon seeing my left turn signal, assumes they go first and begins their left. The result is a near miss and a lot of curse words headed my way.
So let me ask, am I the asshole here? I know the other person was there first, but they have a stop sign and I don’t. As much as I’d love to let them go I just don’t feel it’s appropriate in this circumstance and would cause issues. However, apparently this happens enough to the perpendicular car to assume they can go. So what is it?
Tl;dr: at a T intersection, I go left first even if there’s someone else there because they have a stop sign and I don’t but people keep almost hitting me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
M7hKKgmaEiBi03l2cd9Vjpq1Dfw6QoDR
|
9zn6kg
|
{
"description": "not wanting to look after my dog",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not wanting to look after my dog?
|
To start let me say I love my dog and take him for walks most day, I’m the sort of person to cry when a dog is being cute.
Anyway I was going on holiday with my boyfriends family on the Friday and I was going to stay round on the Thursday because it was all exciting so we could wake up together, get ready and leave early morning.
My mum gets kinda funny if I spend to much time at my boyfriends house and because I knew I was going away I spent all last weekend and all week at mine with my mum.
So it gets to Thursday during the day and my mum calls me and asks for a massive favour if I could stay home with the dog for the night and go to my boyfriend in the morning because no one will be with him for around 7 hours the next day so it would be good if I could be there in the morning .
I panic on the phone because she can get really annoyed when things don’t go her way and I was like um maybe but I think we are going early. She gets annoyed and says is it a yes or no. I suggest maybe with a walk in the morning the dog will be okay and she hung up on me.
When I later went home to get my stuff she told me I had really pissed her off and I should have just said yes to looking after the dog. She said I was being cruel and if she wanted to she could tell me somethings that would really upset me but she decided not to. She said she has found someone to be with the dog but I should have put her through the extra hassle.
I feel really guilty about leaving the dog and maybe I should have just said yes because I probably could have come back in the morning. It’s annoying because my mum knew for weeks that I was going on holiday and knew because of this the dog would be on his own because of her working times.
Am I the asshole??
TLDR
My mum asked me to look after my dog even tho she knew I was going on holiday the next day and I had other plans but now I feel extremely guilty.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
LwbFEY3HDdBmpqP33nXVgKFGCl8uhH15
|
amaujg
|
{
"description": "getting my Sister-in-law a lifetime of Hulu plus",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for Getting My Sister-in-law a lifetime of Hulu Plus?
|
So my sister-in-law got married. She is not one for society’s norms when it comes to arbitrary rules. She isn’t rude but doesn’t buy into etiquette for the sake of etiquette. She and her husband, also aren’t to big on the fluff of marriage so when it came to planning their wedding they kept things as minimal as possible. The parents that were paying took over and things turned out amazing but it wasn’t the intentions of the married couple.
Here is where I come in, the couple really didn’t want much as they are already established adults. But I dabble I’m graphic design and said I could help them make them make their invitations, order them on Vista Print, and save them(their parents) a lot of money. They knew that they would get gifts anyway, but on the back of the invitation, they put “The only presents we want is your presence.”
I thought I was being funny and obviously joking, but during the design part I said, “Can we put a little disclaimer suggesting Hulu Plus if they insist on a gift?”
Their lack of understanding of etiquette in these matters made it sound like a good idea to them and they endorsed the suggestion. They are big tv fans so they didn’t think anything was wrong.
Fast forward to last weekend, they got a little bit over $6000 of Hulu Plus gift cards from their wedding of 220ish guest...and also cash and other gifts,
Close family was initially upset I made the invitations with this suggestion because everyone expected most people giving cash and it is rude as hell to request a gift on the invitation even if it is on the back. But now that cash they planned to expect, is tied up in Hulu gift cards, people are now more or less furious with me.
Am I an asshole for not being the hand of reason while helping them plan their wedding?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
0bt5wu6yyFweHLR9uPz5g6tRarP7fIWx
|
ajy8rg
|
{
"description": "not telling my girlfriend I was planning to move, while her mother was dying",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not telling my girlfriend I was planning to move, while her mother was dying?
|
She's actually my ex, we broke up on pretty good terms. We still talk sometimes, but this was definitely part of the reason we split. This has just always bothered me so I want to hear what some other people think.
Basically, we had been together for about 6 months when I found out I had a great opportunity in another state. I knew that she alone was not enough to get me to stay (hadn't been together that long), and that I wouldn't be comfortable asking her to come for the same reason. Also, I knew it would be like a year until I actually left. So I figured I would tell her, and since I was happy with her and wouldn't be leaving for a while, it would be up to her whether we stayed together and see how it went, or broke up.
Around the same time, her mom (who she was really close to) got sick. Like real sick. Like, dying. I knew I had to tell her my plans but it didn't seem like the right time. I actually talked to my therapist about it and she told me not to tell her.
Well, her mom eventually passed and about 6 weeks later when she was doing a bit better I told her. I was upfront about my reasons for the move, and why I didn't tell her sooner. She was pissed because honestly is one of our core shared values, and tells me I should have told her anyway. I told her what my therapist said, that I should wait, and that I really struggled with it. I also said that I felt it was easy to say "you should have told me" after the fact.
So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
mh7aOhs6VVLdL3M00HBk1UJzr9EfpsRT
|
au4ag1
|
{
"description": "not wanting my fiancé to go out and drink alcohol with a work friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting my fiancé to go out and drink alcohol with a work friend.
|
This just happened in a conversation and I’m a little bit at a loss of what to do and I’m not sure what I should say to him or how to proceed.
My fiancé and I were having a good day and he was chatting with a work friend named Ben and Ben said he’s a beer drinker, my fiancé told me he said to Ben they should go out for a beer some time.
And my heart dropped.
My fiancé drank before we met, and then converted to a religion that doesn’t approve of drinking alcohol, which is the religion my family is from. I’m not a super religious person by any means, and I don’t care that my fiancé drank in the past, but I am so uncomfortable at the idea of him drinking again. He said that he wanted to go out and drink alcohol and that drinking and getting drunk are two different things. I said I know that, but I am still uncomfortable at the idea of it. It shocked me how casually he said it, and I tried to reasonably talk to our with him, saying I was caught off guard by this sudden want to go out and drink and uncomfortable with alcohol.
I have heard bad stories about alcohol. Especially when it comes to relationships, men getting drunk often and coming home late, alcoholism, and cheating. I know this is not something that happens every time someone goes out to drink. I know people are not always going out with the thought of getting drunk, and not everyone makes terrible mistakes when drunk. He even told me he is really good at holding his alcohol and doesn’t really get drunk. But I have terrible anxiety and know that I would be a mess if he did.
I told him I would be uncomfortable with him going out and drinking, and he thinks I think he is just going to go out and get drunk. Which isn’t exactly the case. I tried to be very calm, and explain why I was upset by it, but he called me a bitch and controlling. I wasn’t saying he can’t go, I was saying I would be uncomfortable with it.
I took some time to just think and decided I would offer to him that maybe he could take me out to drink some time that way I could at least have a bit of the experience (since I have never tried alcohol- I know, not many people can say that). To be honest I have always been curious though, but I know the side affects of getting drunk and was nervous about those, but my family would be very disappointed in me.
So I offered that when I visit him in March (we are in an LDR) he could take me out and we could try. At first he thought I meant me go with him while he drinks and watch him, and said he doesn’t need a babysitter. I explained that’s not what I meant, and I would try it, and he said he was very surprised and caught off guard. He just kept saying “interesting, very interesting”.
So reddit, AITA for not wanting him to go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
oMd5g7579fIqnD6QYK41NsZTDEZLUUf5
|
avig1r
|
{
"description": "inviting my Bfs Family instead of mine",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I Invite My Bfs Family Instead of Mine?
|
The story is that I graduate college this up coming May. I'm only allowed to have up to seven family members there at my ceremony. This is a rule from the school just so everyone's families can see them graduate. Obviously I'm inviting my mother, father, sister, and my boyfriend. Things after them get sticky. My extended family does not reach out to me much unless they need help with something or want something from me. On the other hand my boyfriend's family will message me and ask how school, and how I'm doing, in general. I would love to have my bfs family see me graduate (his parents and sister included). It feels like they are more invested in my life then my extended family.
I've had trouble with my extended family already with them after I graduated high school. I didn't invite any of them to my graduation dinner because I wanted it to be just my mother, father, and sister (my parents are divorced so we don't get this much). I got called by my aunt, and her screaming at me telling me how much a bitch I am for making my grandma cry because none of them were invited.
WIBTA if I didn't want to invite them to graduation? I would probably do a party with them instead.
P.s. my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SbjNmHfacB61Pql76NCWCqKGPRd6daCx
|
arqct2
|
{
"description": "telling my dad that I wish him dead",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for telling my dad that I wish him dead?
|
Okay so I (16M) am the second of 7 children to 2 parents who are still together. My parents and I have always had a shaky relationship, mostly due to the fact that my parents have a toxic style of parenting, as phrased by my therapist.
This takes place over this past Friday and Saturday. My parents decided that they wanted the 9 of us to watch several hours of family videos over these two days and I didn’t want to. As I explained to them, watching the videos with me in them always result in my parents/siblings taking shots at my masculinity and making fun of me for sensitive topics that have been recorded on camera. Additionally, one of these videos was my circumcision and I really don’t feel comfortable watching that video, nor do I with my siblings seeing this (Don’t ask why this was videoed- I have no idea). My parents said that it’s a family thing and I should suck it up and take part. Friday night, after dinner, my mom sets some videos up on our TV. Everyone goes to watch and I opt to sleep instead. Around 5 minutes after I went to bed, I was asleep. My father came into room and said that I need to come watch or I’m grounded for two weeks. Thing is, I was asleep at the time, so I didn’t respond. The next day, after a family lunch, my parents put some more videos on the TV. I began to head towards my bedroom and my dad said I’m obligated to watch. He said I’m grounded for ignoring his comments from the previous night (the ones I was asleep for) and I need to watch these videos. I told him that I wasn’t going to watch them. He screamed at me, saying that I’m less involved with our family than anyone else in the house and that I need to spend more time with them. I said that I’m actually a huge part of the family, in fact I’m more a part of it than he is. He continues yelling, saying that I’m wrong and I look for every opportunity to avoid spending time with my family. I responded by telling him that there’s a difference between wanting to spend time with my friends and ditching my family. Seemingly ignoring my calm tone of voice, he continues his shouting, now saying how I’m avoiding my responsibilities and an all around piece of shit. He claimed that no one’s ever told me that because I’m so controlling and I’d snap at them if they did. I sarcastically asked “oh, so you’re the saint who’s going to speak for everyone and take on the wrath of the enraged fagaaron?” He yelled at me for being disrespectful so I, knowing that he’s a deep down sensitive man, said that I’d trade him in for my best friend’s dead dad any day of the week. With that, I went to bed and was ignored by him for the rest of the day.
That’s my story, Reddit, so with that I ask:
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 14,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 20
}
|
WRONG
|
dLG3sw74oxGm7Kx3DgqOndNyXfU83Xpa
|
a4jvqx
|
{
"description": "saying to my very insecure cousin that she's arrogant",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying to my very insecure cousin that she’s arrogant
|
Im tired of my cousin. I realized there’s literally no saving her with her arrogant character. She constantly compares me and my other cousin with herself. One day she told me: “I am the most social person of us three!” It’s great that she feels good about herself, but it’s annoying that she thinks that having a normal social life is a competition.
When we were on summer camp together, a guy told my cousins that I was a fun and talkative person who was really fun when drinking. My nice cousin told that to me and I got a bit happy that someone thought of me that way. My annoying cousin was then like “yeah he likes you! When you’re drunk” and than she would repeat the drunk part over and over again as if I’m not a fun person when sober.
At the funeral of my grandfather, me and my nice cousin just wore sober black outfits, but then my annoying cousin came into the room with high heels and a tight shirt at a freaking funeral. She just loves places where our family and friends get together so that she can show off.
She would always say “ooooh my hands and my legs are sooooo white1!!1!1”. We’re an asian family, so being white gets you a lot of compliments. She would then say things by using me to look better “oooh jessobama, you have such dark legs! I tried to tan, but my legs just won’t get darker!” Okay, maybe you could think that she’s actually giving a compliment, but she uses a shitton of whitening products.
I once told her that I’m considering to cut my bangs into a pony. She was like “yeah it would look good!” Few weeks later she would say “My cousin from Italy wants to have bangs, but I said it wasn’t a good idea because she has a short forehead.” Notice that I also have a short forehead that she once commented on.
I have an iPhone 5 because my other phone got stolen so I used this as reserve. If it worked, then it worked. My cousin would then ask me things like “Will you get a new one soon?” I said no because I have to pay it myself and the phone still worked, so I didn’t see any problems. She would then say things like “are you sure?” “Your father is the richest of the family, why wouldn’t he just buy one for you?”. I grew up with the idea that you can’t just throw money around, but her father always gave her the newest model of phone so I think I understand where she got that spoiled attitude from.
Also during summercamp, I told them that I was very insecure about my bellyfat so I wouldn’t dress in front of them. My annoying cousin would then walk around naked in our room because “cousins shouldn’t be afraid to be naked around eachother 1!1!!1” I have nothing against the female body because I am a female, but seeing someone else naked isn’t something I prefer because that image stays. She really just wanted to show off her body when I was insecure, because when i did have the confidence to wear a bikini and to go swimming, she would lay in her bed and wouldn’t want to go swimming.
Worst of all is, I realized that she’s just incredibly insecure. She also said that she had boulimia to me and my other cousin. I understand that that’s not fun, but if she stays so arrogant, I really don’t want to hang out with her anymore. I once ignored her for a few months to see how she maybe would realize that she got an arrogant attitide, but then she started to cry because I didn’t want to talk with her. After a few months I did start talking with her, but nothing changed. I tried to talk about her arrogance, but she would make excuses that she’s insecure.
Maybe I’m seeing her in a way too negative light, and the things that I think about her is too far fetched. Am I the asshole for thinking this way about her actions?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
llg4Ngou0vgVmcJZgB2HtiwXaL3fCk2j
|
b02rbg
|
{
"description": "telling my landlord I intend to break my lease because of mice",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for telling my landlord I intend to break my lease because of mice?
|
I moved into an apartment last October and since then have seen and heard mice. I’ve reached out to the landlord numerous times and he’s just told me to buy mouse traps. Beyond that he has not tried to remedy the situation. I asked about him calling an exterminator and he said I would have to pay for them to come out. I want to tough it out until my lease ends, but I keep finding droppings on my kitchen counters and I‘m honestly at my wits end. WIBTA for telling my landlord enough is enough and that I intend to move out?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7T4qfgFfB6SNt3xnxaevXsVDmDlLxbft
|
a4857q
|
{
"description": "challenging the authority of my principal",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for challenging the authority of my principal?
|
This might get slightly complicated.
I am a harp student in a music school. Every 6 months there is a performance assessment where the principal of the school hears a piece and critiques it. One of these assessments was last week.
I have been with this school for years but only because I was forced to continue learning the harp by my parents. My passion is absolutely zero.
Because of this, I didn’t practice enough (yes I am the asshole for doing this) and I couldn’t finish a piece in time for the assessment. In the end, I prepared a previous piece I already shown the principal for the assessment.
The day comes and I play the piece to okay standards. But just when I was about to go back to my seat, the principal asks me to take out the unfinished piece to play.
Now she knows it wasn’t ready. But she still asks to hear it. I feel embarrassed and anxious as there are other students in the room too and I’m about to play a piece really really badly.
I play the piece. I start and stop, I had no musicality, the notes were all wrong and I feel drained and tired at the end.
That is when the principal starts critiquing it. She barely gave a comment on the first piece before ripping into the second one.
Now because of my lack of passion, I mostly learn how to do things by listening to other people. (Yes I know this isn’t right.) So when she started asking me about phrasing and how I phrased the piece, I had no answer for her as I always just followed what sounded right when others played it.
This is when she started to get angry. When I said I didn’t understand, she said ‘You can do it! You’re just showing me attitude like you always do!’ But she didn’t understand that the reason I could do it before was because I listened to other recordings for hours! This relatively new piece hadn’t sunk in yet and I felt so hopeless as I didn’t have a satisfactory answer for her.
I kept on trying to explain through angry tears why I couldn’t do it and she kept saying that I could and was just doing it because of my bad attitude.
Because I was so emotional I forget what most of our exchange happened but it became a shouting match. I remember her saying:
‘So embarrassing.’
‘You SHOULD be crying.’
It is this week. And I go for lesson as usual. My teacher informs me that the principal has decided to drop me as a student. She says that if I write a message begging her to take me back, she may consider it.
I just...don’t know and need some neutral opinions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
L55Rhjn3VS8lWRG28Fz50FfkwQiYTsJS
|
b9fnag
|
{
"description": "telling a friend that to put on more clothing",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for telling a friend that to put on more clothing?
|
So my friend and I live together and split bills, including heating, and personally I don't like putting the heating on when I don't think it's necessary since it's quite wasteful.
I come back after work tonight, and despite the mild weather she has the heating on because she's apparently cold and needs it on. She's walking around in a crop top and short shorts, so I tell her that of course she was cold given what she was wearing and that she should have put on more layers instead of putting on the heating because that's a waste of energy.
She got mad and said I have no right to tell her what to wear.
I think that because we share bills it's not unreasonable to think she should wrap up first when cold, and if that's not enough then it's reasonable to turn on the heating.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
TqEN3n2rq8J0CKlK9IP6vwEVPiHjzAfW
|
aqz8we
|
{
"description": "not moving out",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not moving out?
|
So my ex and I broke up about a month ago, and we were still living together in a studio apartment. Recently we got in an argument and he decided he can't stay in the apartment with me anymore. The problem is neither of us can really afford to move out. He's claiming he can afford the apartment on his own, but I made his budget and I know for a fact he can't. We both knew going into this apartment that breaking up was a potential outcome.
The options he gave me where I move out, and pay rent at two place in a very expensive city. I move out and don't pay rent at the current apartment, but I still have to worry about finding a new place and a new roommate. He moves into his friends house and crashes on the couch (which is only on the table for a week or two).
Maybe I'm being a jerk, but I'm okay with living together still. EVERYTHING in the apartment is mine, and I would have to get a moving truck. Which would be a cost on top of a security deposit and first months rent. Also most places where I live require you make 3x the rent, and I have a cat. I just can't afford to move out right now with all of that, even if he pays full rent here. I would have to save up for a few months before I had the money to do that.
He's acting like I am being unreasonable, and I should just move because he doesn't want to be around me. While I feel that he is making that decision and I am not going to take out a loan so he can be more comfortable. I know this situation is incredibly hard for him, and he literally feels like he can't be around me "because he feels guilty for all the things he's done". If he wants to find a place and continue to pay rent here that's fine, because he signed a year long lease here. I just don't think I should get pushed into moving and or paying more because he wants out.
A side note, when he broke up with his last ex girlfriend she moved out because she didn't want to be around him. He was mad when she didn't want to continue to pay rent, and he made her keep paying after she moved out because she made the decision to move. Part of that, he said, was because she knew the risk of moving in together and it wasn't his responsibility that she moved out. I feel like this is a similar situation, but now he has switched sides.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
9dmTeSwCNC7h2kh2LNFPnZhmPL2WAmk2
|
awv9pu
|
{
"description": "not wanting this guy on my team",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting this guy on my team?
|
I'm a junior in high school. I have been a part of this team (I don't want to specify what because if I did it could be easily traced to me n I am paranoid) for 3 years and have become the leader. My co-leader has been on for 4 years, and he used to be the leader before passing it on to me because he didn't want senioritis to kick in. (he agrees with me, along with the people on the team. it's the people outside who don't)
There is this boy who has been on the team for three years as well. Initially, we would have him out of necessity to make the numbers work, but now we have enough freshmen (who are better than he is) to cut him out of the team.
This guy is usually late, and he feels like he is entitled to be a part of this team despite everybody who is actually on the team not wanting him. Although me and him are actually friends outside of this, objectively, he is no good, he complains the entire time, he yells at me and the co leader (they have issues), and is angry that I usually let this one sophomore do a lot because he is actually really responsible and when I quit (tradition has a junior in charge) I need someone to take over. He says that I'm the asshole because he has been loyal to this team for three years and wants to take this to the coach. His mom - once again, I'm actually friends with him - has called me telling me that he has always been good to me (which is true) and that I should just give him the spot since he has always been on this team and he is, despite being pretty trash at it, the third most experienced. I've also been told that I'm an asshole for not giving him any jobs (co leader trains newbies, the sophomore is in charge of equipment, those are the two jobs) because "maybe then he would feel useful."
He did not go to our last competitions due to grades, but we have one more and he is taking it to the coach if I don't put him on.
May I note that we placed at one of our last competitions without him. We had not placed in our event in eight years.
It is ultimately my choice as to whether or not I take him - and if numbers allow for it, I do not want him. He is unreliable and pisses off most of my team (him and co leader don't get along. at all, they have constant pissing matches and usually co leader is right. I'm the only one ON the team that does not hate him).
However, once again, I also know he is one of my more experienced people and throwing him off is questionable, especially because I will be replacing him with a freshman who is also questionable but it's more excusable because 1. he is trying and 2. he is a freshman, he is still learning.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to take this guy?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
qHrzp1iALsnv2kKP57eUvsABv6sReZge
|
a3td7q
|
{
"description": "trying to diffuse a screaming match",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to diffuse a screaming match?
|
As the title says, I witnessed a yelling match occur between a couple of high school students (I am one BTW) and a bus driver. It was pretty petty, so I don't want to detail it here. I yelled for both sides to calm down, but then the students told me to shut up and stay out of it and I tried to respond that I just wanted everyone to calm down for the greater good. They still kept yelling at me, and then they got pulled off the bus. When they got back, I tried to tell them that I was not being mean to them specifically, but they just more or less told me to stop talking to them. I don't hate them at all, I just wish they could be better so that the whole bus doesn't get punished. It's completely understandable if I am seen as an asshole, I am just curious. Thanks in advance. :)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
JmQZ231tu1jq4rKAnrR4kabCcUrEWsxY
|
axqelq
|
{
"description": "thinking my therapist is transphobic",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking my therapist is transphobic
|
So, about a year ago, I started going to a therapist in order to sort out my complex feelings toward myself. I’ll call him Dr. B here. Dr. B was a seemingly patient man, who I felt understood the issues I had with myself.
That is, until I brought up a subject regarding LGBT things with him. He started to say things like “if a female doesn’t have the male body parts, how can she say that she identifies as a male?” and he started to compare transgender people to people who say that their age is different then their “physical age”.
Honestly, I was shocked, and after that visit, I don’t think I feel good about him. So am I just too “triggered”, or am I right to think that he may be a low key transphobe?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
U0VmwucAiFnfBzdVORz1WuqFlI0aTpFF
|
ayyqug
|
{
"description": "detesting my best friends boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for detesting my best friends boyfriend?
|
Using a throwaway so my friend doesn't see this.
I (16M) have a good female friend who we'll call Danielle(16F), who I've been friends with for almost 10 years now. Danielle and I did a lot together growing up, and up until like 6 months ago we were inseparable. However 6 months ago she hooked up with a boy we'll call David (17M), and the time we spend together has decreased considerably. I’m fine with this, and I couldn't be happier for her finding someone who really cares about her in a way I can't.
However, what I'm slightly irritated by is him tagging along to almost everything Danielle and I do. It seems like anything I try to do with her he's always there, and I can't have any alone time with my best friend anymore. I ask her to meet up in a study room at the library to work on Math and English while we chat, and she responds with “David and I will be there in a minute,” or I invite her to the movies to see the new release of things we wanted to watch before David was even in the picture, and when she arrives in the theater David is holding the popcorn for them to share. I told Danielle about this and asked as calmly as possible “Do you think David has to be at everything we do?” To which she responded by telling me she thinks I'm just jealous.
Here’s where the story really comes to a head. Danielle's birthday is on Sunday, and I was proud of the gift I planned for her (a new pair of earrings to replace one's she lost at my house some time ago), and we've had plans for her 17th birthday since about a month after her 16th. Well David tells me this morning point blank that he's doing something special with Danielle on Sunday and that I'm not welcome to be in attendance. I ask if I can drop off my gift to her and leave then. He says just give him the gift and he'll give it to her Sunday from me. Me being the unsuspecting sucker that I am agreed.
After school today however, I see who else but David and Danielle in line for the bus. David says something along the lines of he has an early gift for her to hold her over till Sunday, and lo and behold, it's the earring box I handed off to him. I had to sit there in complete disbelief at the fact that he just did that. (On the bright side though, she loved the gift) About an hour ago I texted her telling her about this, and she has refused to believe a word of it. She thinks I'm a liar when I tell her the earrings were from me, and she thinks I'm just being jealous still, but no she also called me an asshole for accusing David of stealing.
I'm so fed up with David and everything surrounding him, but I feel like I may lose my best friend over it at this point. I want to know if anything I'm doing is too far so I can stop things before I lose my bestie.
Well reddit, work your magic, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
DhqelNttLWSd9qgNFQ5zA1bksStn88vl
|
b7wxek
|
{
"description": "wanting to have a graduation event exclusively for an underrepresented race",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 36
}
|
AITA for wanting to have a graduation event exclusively for an underrepresented race?
|
Last month was the best month of my life- after years of busting my ass, I finally got a likely letter from Columbia. As a black woman who went to a predominantly white school (PWI) and the first person in my family to go to college, this is a REALLY big deal for me. I’m still so excited I can’t stop smiling :).
The issue here is that I’m in a group chat with 5 other students at PWIs in my city (not gonna specify, but very large and well known), and a lot of us got into top 50 schools. We discussed having a black student only graduation event, and inviting other black students and their families (we think we can get around 20 graduates). We want to invite kids from the lower income inner city elementary schools so they can shoot for the stars.
Yesterday, I managed to secure a venue at one of the public schools in my city. I was extremyl excited, and rushed to tell my friend Kate. Kate is one of my best friends at my school, and she is usually on board when I talk about diversity initiatives. But this time, she said “you know (my name), I’ve been holding this in for a month, but I got into Brown yesterday and the fact that you’re excluding all the other people who achieved their dreams and having your own special ceremony disappoints me.”
I tried to explain to Kate that the event was mainly to inspire black kids, but she asked me why not inspire all kids to shoot for their dreams. I pointed out that black kids tend to go to shittier schools with less opportunities, and need role models who made it. However, Kate just told me that all kids need role models, and implied I was an asshole for even thinking about this event.
So reddit- am I the asshole?
tl;dr: Want to have a faux-graduation ceremony for black students to recognize their achievements and inspire at-risk youth. However, since my event does not include all races, my friend Kate called me out for being unfair. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 36,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 39,
"WRONG": 36
}
|
RIGHT
|
8qJaSei4F9cNNGqR1PvTESU5auYqJ3ND
|
adbagk
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend he should be with another girl",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend he should be with another girl?
|
Alright so I think this has asshole behavior on both sides but here it goes.
My bf is best friends with a girl, we will call her L. L and him play music together and he will hang out with her for hours and they get drunk and play music together, usually a couple of times a week. This is a relatively new friendship--a few months, they met working together. In the beginning I would get mad because he would get super drunk at her place and end up staying over - happened a few times a month. I know its not a cheating thing (really guys, it's not), but it still had my jealousy meter going. I am open minded and I have guy friends, and also very much value my autonomy, so as not to be hippocritical, I pretty much worked through these emotions to just get over it. For reference, I hadn't met her yet at this point.
We met around Halloween for the first time, and it was fine. Hung out a couple of times since then. I like her and I am glad they are doing something crwayjve together. Apparently she suffers from anxiety (my bf does as we) and is somewhat intimidated by me.
Anyway so last night we were all hanging out together... And I weirdly felt like the third wheel. The majority of the night they were talking to each other, talking about inside jokes, that weren't relevant to me, not including me in the conversation, etc. I don't really blame her for it though, more him for not facilitating balance. After some drinks we were all walking back to our place and I told him "you should just be with her".
Seeing how they were together, how she seems to have more patience for some of his no longer endearing antics (we've been together 3 years and his eccentricities can be obnoxious at times), and feeling left out the whole night revved up my jealousy and made me feel insecure. I obviously didn't mean it but it is what it is. Thinking about it now, I probably said it wanting reassurance.
He said or did something reassuring and it was a little better. Then we went to our place and they played music the rest of the night (drunkenly, not that great, repeating the same song over and over), which again was a 2 person thing.... Not including me at all.
So today he told me that what I said really upset him. I was pretty incredulous because I feel like i am the one who should be upset at him for third wheeling me all night. Not only that... But he TOLD HER what I said. So what could've been a conversation between my bf and I talking about how I shouldn't be jealous and how he should do a better job including me when we all hang, now has escalated, which will make it even less likely that L and I will have a decent relationship--it's just awkward now.
So now he's mad at me and acting like all of this is my fault, when I see multiple areas that he screwed up. Sure i said something stupid but is it really that bad?
TLDR: My bf has a good friend and band mate who is a girl. After all three of us hanging and drinking, I got jealous because they were third wheeling me all night (leaving me out of conversations/Inside jokes/playing music together instead of hanging the three of us) and I told him "he should just be with her". Now he's pissed I said that and it's getting blown up (he also told her what I said) , but I still think what he did was shitty, and that he is mostly in the wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
Li6vWWMzdP519sy7uEPZp0rnalRk144W
|
b646ve
|
{
"description": "wanting and expecting more than my partner can give me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting and expecting more than my partner can give me?
|
First off, let me start by saying that my partner is a lovely human being. Our personalities are absolutely opposite but I have no doubt that he is crazy about me and I am about him.
I am communicative and expressive in general, and I tell him if something bothers me or if I feel something. The problem is that he will not be emotive or expressive, he is never extremely passionate or vocal. In short this leads to many situations that leaves me disappointed. I know he tries, but there are so many times where I would like him to give me priority or think of doing something that would delight me and go that extra mile. (I know this sounds full of it but I do these things for him quite often)
Just so that you see both sides of the story, he is extremely practical, kind, patient and down to earth.
The feeling of small disappointments is eating into me and I find myself questioning this relationship. AITA for bejng petty or something ?
Thanks for the inputs everyone. If you have any stories like this, do share so I gain some perspective
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 3
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
9AwFKHB3dwaxt9CzJuYc9zr2l0e37JtX
|
afw0tq
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go over my moms",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go over my moms?
|
Ill keep this short. I love my mom to death, but I have this issue with going to her house. My mom is a mild hoarder and her house gives me extreme anxiety, there is so much stuff every where you cant turn without almost knocking stuff over. Even just to sit at the kitchen table is horrendous as it is piled with cakes, cookies and doughnuts. This also makes me crazy because her and my step-dad are both overweight diabetics. I love going out with her but not meeting at her house. Im going over there at 4 and already know its going to be a bad experience. I know I could me her somewhere else but she needs my help with something at the house first.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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