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0ubjIEU58zdRaiv9zPkD09mUuIQmk5qe
|
a0n6id
|
{
"description": "doxxing someone and getting them fired",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for doxxing someone and getting them fired?
|
From time to time I browse some right-wing "news" websites out of a morbid sense of curiosity and, if I am feeling especially masochistic, I take a look at the comment section to see how the other half is looking at things.
On one site, I kept seeing a particular poster make what appeared to be encouragements for political violence against Democrats, feminists, and liberals/progressives in general. Nothing that could be construed as a direct threat of violence against anyone in particular, as I suspect he was smart enough to recognize that would cross a legal line, but lots of generalized "It's time Trump started hanging Democrats as traitors," wishing for feminists to be subjected to sexual violence, hoping for prominent Democratic politicians to be killed, etc. Really lovely stuff.
I was pretty surprised that the website, which would consider itself a voice of reason among the great unwashed, allowed that kind of thing to go on, but it did. After seeing this person making these kinds of comments for some time, I Googled his screen name and found that his account name linked directly to his Twitter and Facebook page with his real name. A Google search of his real name linked directly to his place of employment, a government agency at which he held a professional position, with all the contact information of his employer.
What to do with this information? After the recent pipe bombings and threats of political violence in the news, and seeing this person escalate his rhetoric in response, I decided that if this person wanted to put this kind of thing out into the world, he could no longer do so anonymously. I emailed a collection of about a month's worth of his most egregious comments to half a dozen of his co-workers and supervisors at his agency, asking if they were aware their coworker was spending his work hours saying these things.
A week later, the person's account was deleted, and his position in the state agency listed as "vacant."
I could have DM'd him on Twitter to give him a chance to stop, but I didn't. I probably knew that by doing this he would likely lose his job, and I did it anyway. I did so because I was aghast at the kind of dehumanizing and dangerous rhetoric he was putting out into the world, but if I am being honest I probably also did it to take some satisfaction in sticking it to someone like him whose views I find so abhorrent.
So, am I the asshole for doxxing this guy?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 21
}
|
WRONG
|
whjqPBJixd4pLriIhjHSOL3mDpGsIQaa
|
b9dw8h
|
{
"description": "being livid in this scenario",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being livid in this scenario?
|
Burner account cause I don't want to clog my main one.
I'm 21 and recently stsrted playing apex legends online with friends. (first real time playing online as a PS4 owner). We use discord to chat. My friend from college, who I've never mentioned to my parents(let's call him Mike) was one of the people in my party. We were talking while playing.
When I got down for dinner, my parents asked whether I was playing online. I already knew where this was going. I said yeah and they asked who I was playing with.
I was mad with them cause of a few reasons, the primary being that they are controlling and fear mongering. From politics to consiparies. They have never played a video game, let alone an online game. Probably the only exposure they have to it is readig terribly fear mongering articles about cyber bullying or identity theft. I really don't know.
They said that I shouldn't be playing online with random people. Or that I should be calling these friends home instead of playing online. But not only is it not viable given that we all live far away. It's also none of their business.
I said to them "Why is everything a lecture with you two?" Cause at the end of the day, I'm happier having people to play online with than having no one to play with. I just shut down and refused to talk to them. I'm sure there could be a calmer way to handle it. But it's very annoying to have parents who try to control everything that is new to them.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
O6hm9uz1oD8NRgP8sIF0ZOMMTEx4LVq8
|
ab4ww1
|
{
"description": "refusing to pay a bet I lost",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for refusing to pay a bet I lost?
|
My boyfriend and I were hanging out with his cousin yesterday, drinking some beers and rum... and tequila.
I can hold my liquor really well, but I’m not impervious to alcohol.
Bf’s cousin bet me that I couldn’t drink MORE liquor than him faster, i had to drink a full cup of beer and two shots and he had to drink half a cup of beer and one shot. I thought this would be easy for some reason, my boyfriend was also egging me on reassuring me that I could win.
I lose. That one was my fault and I’ll pay. But here’s where I can’t tell and I get confused—>
He bets me again, that I can’t take three shots and drink a whole beer faster than him
I say no. I vocalized how little I wanted to do that and I honestly can’t remember very much about their reactions. I feel as though this invalidated the second bet, but I don’t know how other people might interpret this. Namely bf’s cousin.
I said “I don’t want to take 5 shots in 10 minutes I’m going to be really sick”
He says something along the lines of “so what? me too”
I lost again, I was super drunk and so was my boyfriends cousin. It was a horrible mess, both of us walking around puking. my boyfriends dad had to come pick me up and his mom and dad took very good care of me and gave me water and food and tucked me in.
Background information:
Just to add some context so this makes more sense, I’m in Colombia.
That might not sound like necessary info, but betting here is a huge cultural thing, my bf’s cousin isn’t trying to rob me or be malicious on purpose they just really like to bet here.
My boyfriend would never have let that happen if he felt his cousin was intentionally being unfair to me.
That being said, I’m assuming bf’s cuz is going to want to collect on the bet, so I just want some other opinions to know if I’m just an idiot and should face the consequences or if I should stand my ground.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
VZx74EZcKYYpxYwdDzKbEXV0MehWnod0
|
b5jb16
|
{
"description": "wanting my roommate to replace my extra headset that he broke",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my roommate to replace my extra headset that he broke?
|
Title pretty much says it all. I have two headsets, one is worth $90 and the other is $40. He broke his headset awhile ago so I let him use my extra headset (the $40 one). He ended up breaking the microphone piece off so you can't talk anymore. He never told me and I just found out through another roommate.
I dont even play PS4 that often so I barely use my newer headset now, but if somehow my newer headset broke then I would want to use the old one. Now I can't.
I told him I'd even be fine with him being me chipotle once to which he said no. I don't think I'm being unreasonable but he thinks I am. He just says "if it were the other way around I wouldn't care"
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
E1hsshFJ5IN6J8sCqXdon7K31ZQu4Mqj
|
axgeij
|
{
"description": "not asking people how they are, when I don't care/have time to listen",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not asking people how they are, when I don't care/have time to listen
|
Apologies for being on mobile in advance and any formatting errors that follow.
A few minutes ago, my boyfriend and I got into a discussion about how he thinks it's rude I don't ask people how they are as he considers it a common courtesy. The reason I don't is often I feel it's unfair on the recepient if I ask how they are, then simply feign interest whilst we have a dull conversation about how they're fine.
Most people I'm close to care about will outright come to me if they have anything of import/interest to tell me rather than expecting me to check up on them every five minutes. My boyfriend despite this things its just the right thing to do, however it's clear lots of people really don't care... Take the other day - he passed by someone he knew when we were leaving his flat and the conversation went as follows:
Bf: hey you alright mate?
Friend: you all right?
They didn't say it at exactly the same time so it wasn't as if they accidentally over spoke each other, neither actually responded, and then they both just walked off. Am I crazy for thinking this is just a tad bit pointless? Either way, he refuses to get into a conversation with me about it as it drives him mad, so here I am.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
jmOERk183euKdZzJWQrt0BnAFNF6XSBF
|
b4ppz8
|
{
"description": "wanting my roommates to not have sex in our house",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 47
}
|
AITA for wanting my roommates to not have sex in our house?
|
A little back ground: All my roommates are dating someone and are very open and involved with their sexuality(/are sexual beings?) Me on the other hand, I am always the single one. I don't like dating people and I am not a very sexual person and I am just not interested in that stuff at all. I get annoyed and uncomfortable if people express PDA around me or talk about their partners in a sexual way or romantic way. I think this is fair, but all my friends think it's cute and support each other. And I mean... I support them too, we are all friends and I am glad they are happy. But I just can't be around that all the time.
So me and my roommates are preparing for the fall/late summer where we are hoping to move into a nicer house together. While we were taking inventory of all the furniture we had, I half jokingly said that I didn't want them have sex in our house especially while I was there, and they all turned to look at me like I was crazy. (Also, there are four of us, and our house has two rooms and a small office. Two of them are sharing and the other one is using the room while I get the office. I don't really mind using the office, but the reason they get the bigger room is because they want more space for when their SO comes over and all my other roommates agreed. I mean, that's gotta be SOME sort of discrimination lmao)
Here's where I might sound like the asshole: All of my friend's SOs live pretty far away and go to different uni at the moment, so they would probably only visit for weekends and holidays. Unfortunately, my friend's parents don't really approve of their relationships so they couldn't go back to either of their houses if they wanted to get off. I feel bad for them, but not that bad for them...I'm paying rent just like the rest of them so it's equally my house and I don't want to sleep in my tiny room hearing them bang each other through the thin walls.
I really really REALLY value privacy and respect, and of course I want us to all be comfortable in our house, but I think that it can't be that hard to go fuck in your car or rent a hotel if you're that horny and desperate...
I know I probably sound like a bitter wanker and maybe I made them seem like horny fucks, but we normally all get along really well and I really like them so I want this roommate situation to work out with no hard feelings. And I really don't want to get pushed around just because I'm single or the youngest in the group...
So give it to me straight doc, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 47,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 47
}
|
WRONG
|
JvxJdXlM1N2JCx3az6vYibDrkDsZM3wp
|
a7gcv5
|
{
"description": "thinking incels, neckbeards and niceguys are disabled",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for thinking incels, neckbeards and niceguys are disabled?
|
[Figured you could read it yourself and be the judge](https://imgur.com/gallery/F4kYhPK)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
wVgx5mqM9qY0Ekght7ggBAiSSadIvIG4
|
b3k919
|
{
"description": "hinting that someone was fat/overweight/obese",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for hinting that someone was fat/overweight/obese?
|
Alright so there's this girl in my math class that is overweight, and we have this study period that me and some other people in the class go to to review homework. Usually the study period doesn't amount to much and we just talk to each other and have a good time in general. On occasion she'll say I have a small dick or something or that I'm built like a pencil/stickbug/twig/stick. I didn't feel like I was getting offended by these because I'm fine with the fact that I'm a little skinny (i.e. I have high metabolism and run track). However, after like 3 months of this constant pestering she said that my eyes were too big for my head and showed me a picture of a stickbug and said that was what I looked like. I brushed it off with a sarcastic "Thanks.". It really bothered me because I knew that I shouldn't say anything back because then I'd be painted as the asshole. However, when she kept going on with the whole stickbug gag, I got sick of it. She'll be G and I'll be Me.
G: Hey, u/Uncle_Gregg, you look like a stickbug and your eyes are too big for you head. I bet your dick is as skinny as you are.
Me: Thanks, G.
G: You're so skinny, this resemblance to the stickbug is actually insane. Your eyes are like the bug's because they stick out and are too big in proportion to it's body.
Me: Well, I guess all of our bodies aren't perfect, huh, G?
G: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: I think you can figure it out. Might have something to do with those daily venti coffees from Starbucks, I'm not sure though.
Now everyone's calling me an asshole. She's saying that I'm fatphobic and that she can't control her weight. I feel kinda bad for saying what I did and I feel like I should have just told her to stop or something like that. I didn't want to tell her to stop because she would've just laughed and said more snide remarks. Now I'm starting to feel kinda bad about my body, which I know I shouldn't be because I'm in pretty alright shape, but after a while you start to kinda wonder if they're right. I don't know, I don't think that I've done anything mean to her besides this, but I guess there is always a possibility of something I said being taken the wrong way (kind of like this situation, but I've never poked fun at her before?). Anyways, I'm derailing, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
589GceHVkKiRjEiRQrJCzwoCIwWHaCe1
|
b710qc
|
{
"description": "not wanting to listen to my friend repeatedly talk about a minor outpatient procedure",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to listen to my friend repeatedly talk about a minor outpatient procedure
|
My friend had a minor outpatient procedure and brings it up every time we hangout. At first I was accommodating and expressed my concerns, but after the 3rd and 4th time of listening to the same thing I've kinda tuned out. My friend is basically being a wimp and I'm tired of hearing about it. Am I being an ass?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
x1Ucfp3G9RyaQcxoXpGI0xQNm2hMRj4E
|
ayglst
|
{
"description": "calling my classmate unambitious",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for calling my classmate unambitious
|
We got our chemistry test back today. That marks the 12th chemistry test in a row he has failed. We graduate next year. Chemistry is one of the hardest subjects in our school to the point where only 8 do it. Our chemistry class is very intelligent and competitive.. except this one guy. He has failed every single chemistry test and today and finally asked him this question - "why are you even in this class" I told him he puts no effort into the subject, he's unambitious and he should just drop out now before it gets to the point where it's impossible to keep up. It isn't only chem he fails. He's in my other classes and fails all the tests in those classes too. This guy is obsessed with video games. Like I'm obsessed with games too but I manage my time.
Anyways he got really defensive and angry and looked like he was going to cry and I felt really bad afterwards.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 18
}
|
WRONG
|
miF522n0iFNiF9QgsyT1bQBaSRarIuOA
|
b5efoc
|
{
"description": "refusing to work with someone who does poorly in class on graded group work",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to work with someone who does poorly in class on graded group work?
|
I have 4 friends in class, their (fake) names are Andy, Barb, Charlie and David. David is a poor student. Andy, Barb, and Charlie are good students. For the final class, our professor has a competitive exercise where students are broken into groups of 4, and asked to compete with each other. This exercise is graded with 5% of our final mark on the line, whichever team wins gets 100%, and it goes down from that point.
I reached out to Andy and Barb, both A-students who agreed we could form a “superteam”, with the goal of winning this contest. I hadn’t spoken to Charlie yet, and David reached out to me, asking if we wanted him on our team. I informed him that we did not. He found a different team, and we teamed up with Charlie.
Am I the asshole for rejecting this guy for our group, because I want someone who I feel will be more competitive?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
XFLgUaTTRDNdhLRsE7jTz5JLTXdn9yCS
|
9x8bd8
|
{
"description": "telling a elderly person to gtfo",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling a elderly person to gtfo
|
AITA for telling an elderly person to gtfo?
I was smoking a cigarette on a pretty much empty train station when this 70+ man came next to me and told me angrily to throw the cigarette away.
I told him politely that he doesnt really need to come close to me if the smoke bothers him.
To this he started preaching about how he should be able to go where ever he wanted without having to inhail smoke.
I lost it a little and basically told the man to gtfo and made it very clear that it wasnt illegal and im really not bothering anyone. I didnt shout or anything but wasnt too nice either.
To this he grunted and slowly walked awat
Ps: if there were lots of people on the train station then I wouldnt have smoked.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
wuhvRvsb93fPqv3MjmtOxWMbK40hVfcq
|
b0zv9v
|
{
"description": "working during a train ride with my gf and not telling her all the details of my visit at the doctor",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for working during a train ride with my gf and not telling her all the details of my visit at the doctor
|
Kontext: the last weekend I was on a trip with my girlfriend for 5 days with the last of the 3 staying at her parents home and getting to know them (we are in a long distance relationship). Days before the trip I asked her if it was okay if I worked on some stuff for my Dungeons and Dragons games during the trip as it was an overall 14 hours of train riding and she said okay. Now the weekend was good besides that I got very ill on the third day. I had some tummy ache for a few days already and It got really bad one day, I threw up a lot too. I didn't want to cancel the trip however and pulled through, going to both dinner with her parents and her friends. I felt pretty miserable the last few days but I wouldn't be visiting her home town soon again so I didn't want to waste the trip.
Now I actually hadn't done any work yet because the first 7 hours on the train we just talked a lot so I had no reason to. Same goes for the 7 hours back except for the last hour before she had to get off. We had nothing to talk about for the last 20 minutes or so already so I figured I could get some work in now else I get bored when I got nothing to do. My gf then started listening to music. Of course I closed my laptop in the last 10 minutes before approaching her station so we had some last time to smooch and cuddle before saying goodbye. So much about that. A few days later I went to the doctor to get my stomach checked. He did not find anything super worrying or irregular but took some probes and would get back to me with it on Monday. Now I told my gf basically everything he said in short Form and said she could ask me for more details in 2 days when we would videochat as I know she is noisy. Thing is I have some big anxiety problems and am an extreme introvert. Spending time with my gf is always exhausting for me because I am so close to another person 24/7 and I told her that's the case. So naturally 5 days without ever an hour to recharge my social batteries alone but instead meeting lots of new people that are important to my gf in a place that I do not know is extremely mentally exhausting for me. So I really needed some alone time after this which is why I didn't want to talk on the phone about my doctor's visit until our video chat.
Now I got a text from her and she is really pissed at me for pulling out my laptop to work in that last hour saying it felt super insulting and hurtful.
Same goes for telling her we will talk about the details of my doctors visit during our video chat, she says it's super rude to not know what happened during your friend's doctor's visit until 2 days after, even though I really told her all the important stuff that happened.
She says she always thought we had different understandings of kindness and not being rude and looks away often enough but this was to much for her.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
a5W0hQFyGxFnOhXp681aHO7hlDIPdbmM
|
ary46j
|
{
"description": "wanting to get child services involved",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to get child services involved
|
(Usually I wouldn't feel bad about wanting to get the kid out of a bad situation, but every time I see my Grandma with the baby, I feel like a bad person for wanting to get the baby out of my aunt's house. Also, on mobile so apologies for formatting errors.)
My cousin had a baby her Sophomore Year of highschool (she's about to be a junior). I pretty much constantly worry about the baby's well being.
That house is not a good place for a baby to be. The baby's grandmother is a drunk who can barely keep her shit together. The stepdad is abusive to his wife. The mother of the baby gets violent when she's angry. The POS baby daddy isn't there half the time, and when he's there, he's just hanging out with the baby's stoner uncle vaping and smoking weed.
I wanna do something about it, but every time I bring up, even saying something about her brother excessively smoking weed, my grandma insists , "It'd break X's heart to have her baby taken away." Or "She's my great grandbaby."
Am I a bad person for wanting what's best for the kid?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
JqSpS9cNEqFactYYiEFYmB0qwZZHBYuX
|
afn5og
|
{
"description": "hating my boyfriends friends girlfriend and want him to stay away from her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hating my boyfriends friends girlfriend and want him to stay away from her?
|
So I haven't spoken to him about my feelings regarding this, but we have spoken about her.
(If this doesnt fit here please tell me, I'm mainly looking for advice and to see if my feelings are well founded)
For context, we're in a long distance relationship. His friends girlfriend (whom we'll call V) is the oldest out of his group of friends (shes around 27 while the rest are 23). Me and her are the only girlfriends of the group which consists of 4 guys including my boyfriend.
Now V is well known cheater. I'm just going to go right on out and say it. She's sent pictures of her tits to one of the guys in the group (who is not her boyfriend) and is frequently hanging out with another guy of the group (who is also not her boyfriend and that guy LIKES her). I hate cheaters and I hate V. I honestly believe she loves Male attention and would do alot to get it even if means pulling a group of friends apart.
So my boyfriend knows my feelings about her, we both don't like cheaters, and we both know that she's shady as fuck. We've had lengthy discussions regarding her behaviour.
And V has recently gone back to school again and is taking a course on public speaking or whatever and my boyfriend tells me that hes going to go later to be part of the audience for a project she has to do.
I know this is generally innocent and that I might be irrational but I fucking hate this girl and I dont trust her at all. I dont give a shit if his friends see this or even if she sees this (cause I know they browse reddit but idk if she does).
I think I just hate the fact that he can hang out with another girl willy nilly but not with me.
I dont know what to do. I can't ban him hanging out with her (cause that goes against my moral code even if I do want to lol) and when she hangs out with him, it's always with other people (I.e. his friends), so I can't ban him from being with his friends when she's there because that's a really shitty thing to do.
I know if this situation was turned around, my boyfriend wouldn't like it if I hung out with a serial cheater regardless of who they're dating. But I have no clue what he would say to me regarding that and I have no clue if I should even say anything to him because he already knows I don't like her.
I hate that I'm in a long distance relationship because then I can be there (cause I do often feel sad that I can't even hang out with my boyfriend without flying there first) and would feel better knowing that she wont try anything while I'm there. That's not even saying if she believes my boyfriend to be attractive, for all I know she could think he's ugly but she loves male attention so idk.
So, AITA for feeling this way? And what should I do about it because I have no fucking clue.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
AbaL0gtksYNOMwIajyxUiuE4pSlJrbrf
|
axo1up
|
{
"description": "not literally talking to my mother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not literally talking to my mother?
|
So my mom recently learnt through stalking, spying and creeping into my laptop that I am an atheist and said that she wouldn't talk to me again until I make my faith strong. Now a couple of minutes ago she approached me and said the she needs my help (nothing much; she only asked me to change the bulb) and I responded that you are not supposed to talk to me to which she became angry. For a little background I am a minor, do not pay rents and most importantly cannot move out at this stage.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
eyT9c6yP4M13d4vaBxWhwCWGXPb6FNaM
|
b25eoa
|
{
"description": "wanting to decorate the living room and not wanting to move my stuff back into my room",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to decorate the living room and not wanting to move my stuff back into my room?
|
So I've been living in my current apartment for 2+ years. For the majority of that time I've had most of my stuff including my TV and consoles in my room while my roommates stuff was in the living room. Never complained about it.
That roommate moved out prematurely so I was by myself for 4 months in this apartment until my high school friend of 10+ years moved in and told him that his room would be near the living room and my TV would be put there since it would be bare for 4 months.
I decided to put up framed posters that are video game and movie related. I also decided to use this square shelf with 9 cubes in it to put my movies and video games and some stuff I just got from Japan recently, in it. On top of said shelf, I also put my collectible figurines on it since they're video game and movie related as well.
Now my roommate is telling me to take down the figurines because he doesn't want to see them. He also says that it isn't fair that I put up all these posters and put my stuff in the cubed space without consulting him, even though he has nothing to put in them. Not only that, he says that it also isn't fair that I'm using this room more, even though it's not anymore than he would since we work similar hours, and that we should switch rooms. He does have a smaller room but it's not like I kept any of this a secret.
I told him that I moved my TV into the living room because it's the TV that should be in the living room since its 55" 4K HDR and while he wasn't here for 4 months, there needed to be a TV in there for when people came over. I told him his room was smaller than mine, I told him all this. I cant just change rooms like that. And it's not like I'm stopping him from decorating the living room too, I never said he couldn't. I also never said he couldn't use the living room when he wanted but he never asks nor even tries. Not only that, I was in Japan for 2 weeks and this is the first week in about 3 weeks where I even used the living room.
So now he wants me to take down my figures and put the *entertainment* shelf near my room. He wants me to not decorate the walls with not just video games or movies even though, again, he doesn't have anything to hang up at the time. His literal words were "I just want this to be a blank room where I/we can just chill out". The living room should be lively and it should have the best possible TV in that room. I'm not gonna put everything back because your room is right there, I told him all this before he moved in. So am I the asshole for decorating the living room and using it because my TV and consoles are in it? Should I really just go back secluded in my room because he says so? Even though I've been here for 2 years and 3 months and he's been here for 3 months?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
93YcaUWfc2FNiVWRY0zLtKHNqG83Nt2Y
|
axgh07
|
{
"description": "not talking to a girl with cancer",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not talking to a girl with cancer
|
Let me preface this by saying that I do not put myself out there a lot. I was in high school and was diagnosed with IBD and am definitely insecure. I was 19 at the time of this story.
I met this girl at my job and instantly started having feelings for her. Over time we became good friends. She was really supportive of me and my issues and was just a genuinely nice person.
She lived at home with her parents (and boyfriend too). Well a couple of months passed and she said that her and her boyfriend went through a rough patch and decided to end things. He was supposed to move out at the end of the semester, end of December.
After she told me the news she started hanging out with me a lot more, and those feeling started coming back. Eventually I bought her tickets to a Nashville predators game. We had a blast, I thought everything was going great. She even some mutual friends saying how she really liked me and would probably start dating me. I was floored. I don't put myself out there a lot and for the first time in forever I felt genuinely wanted and appreciated.
December came and her ex was still living at her parents place. She said that he was looking for an apartment down here so he could stay at the same college. Should've been a red flag but didn't think much of it
Then it happened. She went to her OBGYN and had a scan done, and it turns out she had cancer (her family has a history of cancer). I tried to be as supportive as possible. She had surgery to remove the tumors.I was at the hospital for the next few days while she recovered (never saw the ex). When she started chemo I would drop off flowers for her in the morning before she left. I put together gift bags throughout the week and dropped them off at her house. I would make spotify playlists every month with her favorite artists. Throughout all of this she kept saying how she doesn't deserve me.
Next time I hung out with her, weeks later (she was still going through chemo) I leaned in for a kiss. She pulled away and said that she can't do that with her ex still living there (at this point its been about 8 months since they've "broken up"). I asked her why he hasn't moved out yet and she had no reason, just that he's there so there's no way we can date. I just got in my car and left.
I stopped texting her, I stopped bringing by things, and just went quiet. She didn't make any attempt to try and talk to me.
She ended up beating cancer (TTL for that!). She texted me, asking why I stopped dropping by, and that she "lost her best friend" during the worst time of her life. I basically told her if she were up front about all of this boyfriend nonsense that I would've still been there, and how hurt I was, but that the past is the past and that there's no reason to reopen a wound. That I still care about her, but that I am ready to move on with my life.
Did I shamefully leave someone who needed all the love and support they could possibly get? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
UDmO1Kg46mVY2HJIR1G4jRR5keV99bXj
|
b2rtyl
|
{
"description": "being done with a friend who couldn't get over being cut off by our mutual friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being done with a friend who couldn’t get over being cut off by our mutual friend?
|
My best friend Courtney got upset with our friend Peggy for letting her down during an important time. Courtney and Peggy didn’t see eye to eye on it, names were called, tantrums were thrown, and their friendship ended immediately. 4.5 years go by. I remained friends with both of them. Courtney got over it within a reasonable amount of time. Peggy has never moved on. Not a huge deal, sometimes you never fully get over shit. The problem is that I can’t share anything in my life with Peggy without her bringing up Courtney. I tell Peggy I’m moving, she wonders how close I’ll be to Courtney. I tell Peggy I’m trying to get pregnant, she says she thinks Courtney and I will be pregnant at the same time. I have the baby, “is Courtney helping you a lot?”. Peggy also used my wedding as a platform to try to get Courtney to finally talk to her. That’s all Peggy could focus on leading up to the big day. She even tried to get ahold of me during my honeymoon to see if I’ll help her write a letter to Courtney when I get back. I had to stop telling her when Courtney and I would hang out. Her reactions would range from anger towards Courtney, to worrying if I am closer to Courtney than I was to her. Other than this, she has been a good friend overall. I loosely called her out on it one time, and the only thing that changed was she became more discrete about how she asks shit. Her obsession seems to have cheaped our friendship and I’ve lost my steam to keep trying.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
AuIS1G68xeRfOZSDqfphu4miBhBkSqW0
|
aa27qn
|
{
"description": "not inviting my brother to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I didn't invite my brother to my wedding?
|
I'll try and keep this short. My (22) and my now fiancé (23) have recently got engaged. While I'm super excited I'm dreading telling my parents that I do not want my older brother (24) there.
My main point for this is, is that when I was growing up with my brother, he made my life miserable. I know there are people that have had it way worse but to me the things he put my through are the main reasons for the MH issues I have today. He continually berated me, and gaslighted me to the extreme of I actually thought I was having delusions and I would have my phone on record everytime I thought he would do something to me. We would both get in trouble for fighting, even though it was nearly always my brother instigating it and I would very rarely retaliate. Thanks for the "just ignore it" advice, mum and dad, that didn't do anything.
My brother didn't mature as he got older, he just changed his ways to upset me so my parents would pass it off as petty (on my end) whenever I would get upset. I dropped out of doing medicine at university because of health issues meaning I couldn't study as much as I could for exams. I failed, but am now on a different course which I'm doing much better in.
I have a disability which is hard enough to live with anyway let alone study medicine with. But my brother insists I am a retard and deserve to just work in a shop for the rest of my life as that's all I'm capable of.
Now onto my partners side. When we started going out, my brother stalked my partners social media, as well as his family's. I've seen texts he's sent to my mum making fun of him, making fun of his education, of his work, of his looks, of his dad etc. We'd only been going out for 2 weeks at this point.
When we would visit my family over holidays, my brother was malicious to both of us, and there was a big family fight because my brother had referred to him as autistic. My boyfriend was so angry as my brother views autism as an insult.
Fast forwarding on, there are many other qualities my brother possesses that make him unlikeable. All of my friends hate my brother for the way he's treated them and me. My partner and his family hate him too. I've literally had 7 different friends say that they would love to punch my brother in the face after hearing my stories about him.
Now with me recently getting engaged, I yet to tell my parents he is not welcome. They have never really taken my view seriously, rather always seeing me as whiny. I know they will get really horrible about it and tell me how awful I am and how I need to get over myself because "he's still my brother and he loves you." I know that extended family on my side don't know anything about the resentment I have for my brother so there will be a lot of whispers as to how horrible I am for not inviting him to my wedding. I also know it will really upset my parents and put stress on them.
So WIBTA for not inviting him and should I just suck it up and invite him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
4e52Sy3RpwrOFWmTcxWs2vwfOJgCg8tQ
|
aebexu
|
{
"description": "destroying her life to save mine",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA destroying her life to save mine.
|
Me and my now ex girlfriend were in a relationship for 1 year and 3 months, for both of us it was the first "real" relationship. Previously, both of us only made very bad experiences with relationships and none of them held longer than 2 months. We both have a shitload of psychological problems and ironically, through that we became good friends, someday she told me that she had feelings for me and I also liked her so the relationship started.
Before a month she told me that, because of her more intesive getting depression she didn't felt good in the relationship anymore. But we always knew that this could happen anytime and even if it is hard for me until now we cutted it as friends, at least I thought because we talked about that many times before.
We're on the same university with very much similar studys so we see us often and have the same friends. I dealed with it and started a regular basic friendship with her. I thought everything is good but the next week's til now she is incredible toxic to me and makes my social life to an absolute hell. I lost the most of my friends because of this but i didn't dare to answer that with similar treatment because we both had our experiences with mobbing and I even got suicidal tendencys bc. Of that. I tell her and ask her to take care about that, she says that she would do and I think everything is good. Next week, nothing changed. I don't know what I shall do now. I think about cutting her out and do stuff similar to her.
Right now I think about this and don't know further. If I don't do something I'm gonna fell back into depression and mess up my study again, if I give it back to her I could seriously hurt her and bring her back. Right now I am very angry at her and I prefer to hurt her to save myself.
I'm begging you, change my mind!
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
WRONG
|
DhQsPPBiftYUG6ll5STB27miUhztbWuk
|
axf0ef
|
{
"description": "calling out people who rush the line at the Supemarket",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA For Calling Out People Who Rush The Line At The Supemarket
|
We have all seen this: huge line at the supermarket and a cashier opens up. The people all the way on the back of the line do a Black Friday mad dash.
When I've reacted, I've reacted 2 ways:
1. I call out the cashier and tell them they should point to the next person in line and not make it a death match among the customers.
2. I call out the person rushing and tell them to hold on this or that person are the ones next in line.
I don't think anyone believes this is OK, but I've never seen anyone else interfere. Calling out the person rushing is just a practical, immediate thing, but AITA for calling out the store for making it a free for all?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
w5uEnr4AKyd21LhugyuCUgXKs11gnBin
|
b8vnmx
|
{
"description": "not pulling over after a near miss",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not pulling over after a near miss?
|
So I was just on my way out of a carpark pulling on to an extremely busy main road. One of those cases where it's almost bumper to bumper, so in fairness to me you cut a little slack to drivers that are stuck. A tall van was pulling in to the driveway. I figured there was no space beside him so the driver behind him would have to give way to the van, therefore allowing me time to exit left (left side of the road driving here, so I wasn't cutting over a lane to cross side)....
I was wrong. He had obviously sped up around the van trying to quickly overtake him, clearly I should have given way had I realised but it was too late and we were headed for a collision. I ended up fishtailing and speeding past him-after all I was in front of him the whole time unintentionally cutting him off. If I didn't speed up we would have crashed. A fair few seconds after it happened, the guy sped up and tailgated me and I started hyperventilating thinking he was going to road rage hardcore. (I have pretty bad anxiety and a history of panic attacks). I kept driving, and eventually the guy stopped tailgating, and later pulled in to a driveway much to my relief. Watching the dash cam footage, I saw him flashing his high beams at me after the near miss. I realise that maybe he tailgated to get a clear view of my rego.
This was still all on a main road with nowhere to turn off for a while, and I was so paranoid he was going to road rage I hadn't thought to pull over. AITA for not pulling over? I'll be honest, I'm not sure if that's standard for a near miss or only accidents?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
8Eka1WPqL6QmkPLUGZKZAtbY7aU01GnE
|
a928vt
|
{
"description": "finding what people can sometimes put on unpopular opinions hugely offensive and hate that they get upvoted because of it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For finding what people can sometimes put on unpopular opinions hugely offensive and hate that they get upvoted because of it.
|
I just feel like they get rewarded for putting up innately offensive stuff by us being encouraged to upvote. I understand that I'm still new to reddit, and I get that controversial topics are important to discuss. It's just sometimes i feel as though people take it a bit far in the way the talk about these issues and stir up trouble just for the sake of it/say really offensive things knowing that others will be hugely offended by them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ojePIuQ0IZQlnhVckrNVbxUdCYrllM3r
|
a05pdb
|
{
"description": "not coming out of my Room for Thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For Not Coming Out of My Room for Thanksgiving?
|
So every Thanksgiving, my family has a select few relatives who come over. These people always come over (Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas mostly). My brother and I have always been like the only kids, and we know who these people are, we've known them for a long time. So for the past few years, we've just stuck in our rooms while the relatives came, I mean of course we greeted them and did whatever, but after like 5 minutes, we would just chill until it was time to eat, and then go back into our rooms to play video games or whatever. My dad kind of gets annoyed, but mostly my parents are OK with it.
So AITA? I mean I see them a decent amount outside of Thanksgiving (well...some more than others), and my brother and I are just not compatible with them, it just doesn't work out. There's a lot of good Reddit time or really anything I'd be missing out on by coming out and just sitting there, not talking, so I hope it's at least understandable if you conclude me as an asshole. I do come out to eat, though, I don't take it into my room. I'd like to know what you guys think of this, thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ewwRkzJ9sgFt8ykRbkT7I7679apX37bf
|
as6ykc
|
{
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to be friends with one of my old friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to be friends with one of my old friends?
|
To start, some backstory. So, me and my old friend (who I'll call X) used to be really good friends. I got upset at X because I felt like he was being a bad friend to me, and ignoring me all the time, so I brought it up to him and we had a friendship ending argument. We had drama going between us for a few months, and I found out he was cheating on his girlfriend with tons of other girls. (By cheating, it should be made clear that he hit on other girls all the time, and convinced them that he loved them, but because he already had a girlfriend, he was just leading them all on and breaking their hearts. My now girlfriend was one of these girls, which I didnt learn until later.) I lost all trust I had for him.
Fast forward to recently. My girlfriend and X were already friends, even before we were dating. We are all in high school, so she sees X in school sometimes, but the main place they talk is outside of school, because they are both in marching band after school. I had talked to her about X, and told her that I am okay with them being friends, but I dont want them being super close, not because I don't trust her, because I dont trust him. She agreed that she wont be too close to him, but they would still be friends.
So, one day, I happened to see her at her practice, and she was talking to X, standing really close together. I didn't mind it too much, but the next day, I saw them again and they were standing way too close for me to be comfortable. I brought it up with her later, when we had some quiet time. She said she was sorry, and blocked him on social media (which I thought was a bit excessive, but I didnt state that to her).
A few days later, we went out to eat, and when I finished, I was looking at her snapchat (not snooping, just saying hi to some people I dont really talk to much myself) and found that she didn't actually block him. We had an argument about it, and it ended up with her fully blocking him and not talking to X at all in person anymore. She didn't want to block X because she didn't want to start problems with him.
I also feel like I should of been more clear of how close I wanted them to be, or not be. I feel like I might of wronged them both. Neither X or my girlfriend is upset at me, (not really friends with X, we just have so many mutual friends that we talk a bit since we figured out our problems) but I still feel wrong about how I handled this whole situation.
Am I an asshole for not wanting them to be friends, and destroying their friendship because I don't trust that he will not act out of line and ruin my relationship?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
RZT8BPjvSZmOwrhrpxxnocL8Daiauw8h
|
anp2aq
|
{
"description": "not responding faster",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not responding faster?
|
First time poster, on mobile, TL;DR at the bottoms, here we go!
Background: I’m a really awkward college freshman taking a Portuguese for Spanish speakers class. The two languages are really similar and people who’ve been exposed to Spanish (or pretty much any Romance language) usually pick it up faster. The professor is really great and the activities she makes us do are really fun. But I suck at socializing. I freeze up, I get nervous, I stumble and I piss people off. This one girl in particular
I’ve had about two interactions with this girl. I don’t know her name, or a whole lot about her, but she has a bit of an attitude: an “I don’t want to be here bc I’m too advanced” kind of attitude. When she introduced herself to the class on the first day she mentioned something about how she had to be placed in this class bc this was the “introduction” course and not the “advanced” course. (Something along those lines, I can’t remember it verbatim.)
On the first day, the professor gave us introductory sentences ( “Eu me chamo ___ . Como te/você se chama/s?” ) to use and introduce ourselves to other students. The girl walks up to me and uses a different sentence than the one we were supposed to use ( “Meu nome é ___. Eu sou [transfer student/second year student idk]. Como é você nome?” ) I was really confused and I didn’t know how to respond bc I couldn’t hear her and I didn’t really understand what she was saying right off the bat. She kept trying to rush an answer out of me and I told her, “Dame un momento para responder, por favor (give me a moment to respond, please).” She made a face and I stumbled out a response and walked away. I didn’t want to speak to her anymore than I had to.
The second encounter I had with her happened today and the same thing happened. We were practicing interviews and she walked up to me with a very bored “I don’t wanna be here look” and told be to hurry up and ask her a question. I told her in English, “give me a minute, let me pick one.” I asked my question, she answered; she asked her question, I answered. We went our separate ways.
She always looks really tired and bored in class, so I’m thinking maybe she works a lot to pay for college and doesn’t get enough rest, so that’s why she has a bit of an attitude? Idk, I don’t think I should’ve been harsh with her. AITA?
TL;DR: Girl in Portuguese class keeps rushing me for an answer when we do speaking exercises, but I’m not a fluent speaker yet. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
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"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MNmrkdfJvuIw49y2oCKzASbjGYxSRKSn
|
b90arh
|
{
"description": "flaking on my study/presentation group to go on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for almost a year",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for flaking on my study/presentation group to go on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for almost a year?
|
Hello AITA, not sure what to say so I'll jump right in.
I'm a junior at university in the honors college. This year I am in a combined literature/history honors class where there is an exit project that makes up 100% of our grade. I am good friends with one of the two professors so she made me team captain of the our presentation group.
In the interest of full disclosure, I have been a massive "ball buster" in getting people to get to meetings. I expect people to be on time and be productive. I need this A in order to keep my GPA up and I insist that my team help me get it.
But yesterday afternoon, the absolutely most amazing guy on the planet asked me out late. I am so smitten with him and have been for so long that I couldn't help but say yes. We had an absolutely amazing time and he was the perfect combination of gentleman and fun and I literally fell in love and know he's the guy I'm going to marry (I know this sounds dramatic but it's true). I had the most amazing time in life.
But I 100% forgot about our team meeting last night. My phone ran out of batteries while I was on the date so I didn't get to see the many (many) texts and calls my team sent me. They were pissed at me. When I finally got home and got my phone charged I texted back "hey it's ok, I'll send you guys and invite to the wedding!" That made everyone even more mad at me and I was just given the extreme cold shoulder in class this morning. My professors want to see me this afternoon, clearly to discuss what happened and I'm scared because I need this A so bad.
I am both on an extreme high from my date last night but equally scared shitless over what might happen.
Am I the asshole for what I did or do I deserve to have a good time once in a while since I've been such a good student?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
8UNXhlFdckU6eHpOO2ezKl9DFn8fOXNU
|
azidtl
|
{
"description": "asking a friend about his unresponsiveness",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for asking a friend about his unresponsiveness?
|
I have a good friend that I like to chat with a lot. For a long time we'd just chat over random things over left or Snapchat. But lately he doesn't respond to anything on Snapchat, just leaves me in read. To be fair, I don't directly ask questions, more just send conversation starters, but still, he used to respond to those.
So I was thinking of sending him this message.
"Hey, serious question. When you don't respond to the messages I send, is it because you don't want to, you're too busy, or you just don't know what to say?"
I don't like to not know things because then I stress out about it, but I know he's the kind of guy who expects everyone to just take things as they come, and I feel like he might get mad if I ask him this.
So WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
sf0JeWB3TRkXKArkIOYKb4RbPDv7j0wm
|
ak8eu1
|
{
"description": "asking my husband to use manners during mealtimes",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my husband to use manners during mealtimes?
|
My husband lets his teeth scrape on utensils when he is eating salads, ice cream, soup and pretty much everything else that utilises forks & spoons.
I suffered two traumatic brain injuries a few years ago that have heightened my brain’s sensitivity to noises when other people(and even myself) are eating; a disorder known as misophonia.
He says he’s not aware he scrapes his teeth against forks & spoons, he’s only recently started doing it... but how can he NOT hear himself???
Am I the asshole for removing myself from the room when he’s eating or politely asking him to not scrape his teeth on utensils?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
pJB97paVRxwhkGLYWeA2dUISCfPBFYwX
|
a5tbnp
|
{
"description": "calling my mom a racist old bitch",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling my mom a racist old bitch?
|
I'm fat. Always been fat. Never been athletic. I was a book reading nerd. It happens sometimes. However, I have a good career, my own home, a paid off car, two lovely cats and a fiance of 4 years. He's Mexican. This is important.
I live in Texas and my mom lives in North Carolina. I work in a financial industry and my typical work clothes consist of all black, black slacks, black cardigan or jacket, mostly black blouses and black shoes. Black matches easily, looks professional.
I text my mom daily (I'm an only child and my dad is dead) and she asked to see my outfit that day. I mixed it up with floral print ponte pants, black top, black shoes.
"Colors look so slimming on you! They really hide your problem areas!"
Gee, thanks mom. I told her "How many times have I had to tell you to not make comments about my weight?"
"well you just isn't know how to take a compliment, that's how I meant it, everyone has problem areas! That's how I take it when someone says that, now tell me something else shitty!"
"I've asked you a dozen times not to make comments about my weight and you never ever ever do"
"I hope you show some respect to your new HISPANIC family unlike me"
She's made comments before and was real excited when trump was screaming about a wall, so I know she would prefer a white guy for me. I've had to tell her a few times to shut up with the racist shit. Doesn't get me anywhere. She also loves my fiance and is always saying he's a handsome hardworking man and treats me like a princess. I don't understand the logic.
So I hit her back with the "Yep, you're a racist old bitch! Leave me alone until you can change your attitude."
Now she's pissy and blowing up my phone for me trying to ruin Christmas, saying it's my fault and I have bad language.
AITA for not just letting her spew her bullshit and telling my mom to fuck off at Christmas? If it was a stranger off the street telling me I had problem areas and making backhanded comments about my "Hispanic family" I'd tell them to fuck off too. Did I ruin Christmas?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
p83gtpHqyXU649Wpiph41NFq41jxBhxu
|
b5jo2v
|
{
"description": "yelling at niece",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for yelling at niece
|
I come from a large, emotionally dysfunctional family. My sister is the best at this, however she’s always used me as a punching bag. She works hard and provides as much she can for all her kids, but has asked me for advice, input, parenting etc. She’s 11 years older than me, but somehow I’ve ended up having the sex talk with her son after she found porn in his search history (he was 12, I was 20), going to look for her other son when he ran away from home at 16, etc etc. To say that I’ve been over involved is an understatement. Her daughter who is a teenager now has been a handful of drama for a while. I’ve gotten calls before where my sister will complain about her and then give her the phone so I can talk to my niece about what she’s doing wrong. I’ve driven over to their house to help my sister talk to her daughter about her behavior. I recommended therapy for my niece to see if that would help, and when that didn’t help, my sister called me twice yelling at me and telling me she shouldn’t have listened to me because nothing changed. My niece yells at her mom, not doing anything that’s asked of her, smoking pot, skipping class with older guys, having sex (the last 3 things were things she had posted on social media) all starting when she was 14. My sister tends to not discipline until she finally flips out and then feels bad.
During the holidays, after spending extended time with my niece and our family, I had had enough of her attitude and told her off (like really tore into her) in front of our family. She then texted me to tell me she didn’t respect me anymore and to never speak like that to her again, and I told her I was tired of her attitude and I didn’t care if she didn’t speak to me ever again, but I was done with putting up with her outbursts.
My sister called me a couple of days later and we talked about it. I apologized for yelling at her daughter when I shouldn’t have. I told her that I loved them both, but I just didn’t want to be involved anymore and wanted to focus on my own family. I had assumed that that was that, and that we (my sister and I) were ok. Initially, it seemed like that. Turns out we’re not and her and her daughter now see me as the common enemy. At family events, they blatantly try to make me feel uncomfortable, like they’re the mean girls from high school. It’s a completely bizarre scenario and everyone in my family agrees that my niece is out of control, but that I should be the bigger person and apologize again.
So...AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
an56kh
|
{
"description": "not wanting to share my game for free",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to share my game for free?
|
So Kingdom Hearts 3 just dropped very recently and I’ve been excited for it for however many years it’s been, just like everyone else. I talked to my friend once about how excited I was for and how I can’t wait to get it and everything. He said he was excited too and can’t wait to get it himself.
So fast forward to when it comes out I excitedly just post how I’m finally able to download the game on Snapchat and can’t wait to play it. My friend sees this and then asks if I’ve game shared with anyone, if not then I should game share with him so he can play KH3.
Part of me wants to be the nice guy that I am and wants to game share it with him, but the other part of me doesn’t want to because he said he’d get it himself, yet he didn’t and so if I did share it with him, I basically would have paid $60 for something he contributed nothing to.
Game sharing works both ways though so as he’d have access to KH3 and my other games, I’d have access to all of his games as well, but unfortunately he has nothing I’d be interested in that I haven’t already purchased for myself. I’m also a little annoyed he didn’t offer up the idea of game sharing for me when we had talked about how I had been saving up to purchase Red Dead Redemption 2. We have very similar interest in games and I already have more in mind I can’t wait for to come out as the year goes by but I do not want him getting free access to every last one of them, yet I feel like that makes me an ass for feeling that way.
TL;DR - Friend wants free access to a game I paid for that he said he was going to purchase himself, and I’d rather not let him have free access to it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
mDfBj79YcM99xj8SgFGWvWT7RjbgS0LT
|
ap1ioe
| null |
AITA am I being a bitch or is he being a dick?
|
I’m on my first family trip with my in laws and we’re in Texas visiting my sister in law for her military graduation. It’s a new place none of us have been here but my father in law insists on being closed minded and keeping our trip confined to our air b n b and to large food chain restaurants. Am I being a bitch for wanting to go see Texas or should I just suck it up and hang out with them? I know the trip wasn’t for me but it’s still a trip...please give me some input
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nGudYiaoC7pJldgkHKSMSAuJ0Zru8kz9
|
afdmdk
|
{
"description": "requesting my change",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for requesting my change?
|
This happened a couple weeks ago. I was at a nice and very busy burger joint waiting on my to-go order to be made, so I sat at the bar and ordered a beer, which cost ~$5.50. I paid $6 to the bartender who gave me my drink, I had my beer and watched some of the games on the TVs. When I finished my beer it occurred to me that I never received any of my change. I kind of figured the barkeep forgot it since, as I said before, they were very busy. Makes sense, right? At this point I still intended on tipping the guy ~$2 for my $5.50 beer.
Now its important for me stop here to note that I've held multiple restaurant jobs where I washed dishes and served tables. Because of this I am never stingy with my tips, and I would also never take a customers money unless they told me to keep it... although I wouldn't do that anyway even if I had never worked in a restaurant.
So, when he walks back my way I stop him and ask for my change. He practically did a double take at me, and asked in a derisive tone, "Really? You really want your fifty cents back?"
At this point I was peeved, and was assuming this is regular behavior on his part. I responded, "Yeah. Did you just keep my money without my say?" He didn't say a word and turns for the register. "Well you can keep it," I said. "I was going to tip you more until you made the executive decision to keep my money without my say." He completely blows me off, gets the change, places it on the bar while giving me a smile exuding passive irritation and says, in the same tone, "Heres your fifty cents back."
I repeated what I told him a second before, then left the change on the bar and made my way over to the other end of the restaurant to pick up my order. As I turned around, a couple of patrons were commenting on the interaction. I didn't catch what they said in its entirety, but they seemed to disapprove of me calling the bartender out like that.
So AITA for asking for my change back?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
JIpBX0U9quRxzIK8EtCR8chinve9ANSu
|
a3nrgs
|
{
"description": "not taking my brother to school, if it results in me being late to school",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not taking my brother to school, if it results in me being late to school?
|
So I just had a very infuriating conversation with my mother this morning about how she will start punishing me for not taking my brother to school, even if it makes me late. So let me explain a little bit:
My brother takes the bus every morning and that bus comes to his bus stop around 7:15am every morning. He has a tendency to miss the bus due to him being very slow to get ready in the morning. Now we live around 3 minutes from the school, but it easily adds up to 5 or even 10 minutes because of the awful traffic that we encounter when getting to school. So the latest we can leave without either of us being late is around 7:20 because the middle school (my brother) and the high school (me) that we respectively go to are across the street from each other. I park fairly far away from the entrance to my school so it’s another 7-10 minute walk to get to my class from my car. So if I leave around 7:20 with my brother, I am able to drop him off at around 7:25, and then I get to my spot around 7:28. And then I finally get to my class around 3 minutes before the bell rings (class starts around 7:40).
So this morning it was around 7:25 before I even leave the house so I don’t have enough time to take him to school and also not making me late. So I had to leave the house. Then I get a few very pissed off texts from my mother saying how I should have waited around for my brother and taken him to school, even if it made me late to class.
So I am wondering if I am being an asshole by not waiting for my brother to leave the house, even if it causes me to be late to class? Obviously if we can both make it on time, then I would be more than happy to take him, but it seems like I have to sacrifice my attendance for him being so slow getting ready in the morning.
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 23,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
aleunq
|
{
"description": "being mad at my LD boyfriend for not dropping his plans to come visit when my grandad is dying",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being mad at my LD boyfriend for not dropping his plans to come visit when my grandad is dying?
|
My Grandad’s health has been up and down for a while and he’s been in hospital for a few weeks now. We’ve recently been told he has pneumonia and that some of the food he has been eating and drinking (this is very little as he hasn’t been eating well since my Nan passed in 2016) has been going into his lungs. We’ve been asked about a DNR and the doctors have said that he’s deteriorating fast. I’m going to visit him tonight and I’m hoping that things will improve but they aren’t very sure.
My boyfriend lives about 2 hours train ride from me and we see each other nearly every 4 days off he has (he works 4 on and 4 off). Originally he wasn’t supposed to be coming on this 4 off as he had plans to watch the Super Bowl with friends at a pub (were in UK) and was seeing his Dad this Friday to celebrate his Dad’s birthday early since he would be at my house for his actual birthday. We’ve been together for over two years and it breaks my heart that he never got to meet my Nan, he gets on well with my family and I know my Nan would have loved him. I’ve asked him if he could come down this weekend on his 4 days off because of the situation and because we aren’t sure how long my Grandad has left. I’d like him to see my Grandad again before the worst happens (if it does), and if he does pass soon as the doctors are predicting, I would want him here for the support. We’ve just had an argument on the phone about it because I feel he’s being selfish and I’d drop everything in an instant if the shoe was on the other foot. He said he’s paid for tickets for the pub showing and wants to see his Dad as he hasn’t seen him since Christmas. I’ve told him I’m not completely sure if I want to continue because of how he has acted in this situation.
I’m not sure if I’m overreacting because of how upset I am currently with my Grandad. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
eXoxyHpMsAhJSHEUPHy5ITDRtwReUzgf
|
b705b8
|
{
"description": "not wanting one of my coworkers in my house",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting one of my coworkers in my house?
|
I like having people over-think every Friday, or Saturday, I’ll have people over. One of my coworkers is not very nice to be around. I have less fun when he is around because he is too loud and makes fun of me. I feel awkward because it’s a small group of people and there is no easy way to exclude him, but also, it’s my house. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
UP2NGpwjzd4nUkLXT6W7fYNklteh1eVO
|
aj0o4y
|
{
"description": "calling the cops on my neighbour",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling the cops on my neighbour?
|
Last night my family and I heard our neighbour upstairs yelling at her kid then heard her beating him. And I’m not talking about small spanks where all you can hear is him crying. I mean we could hear each and every sound of the hits and him crying.
We decided to call the cops on her because this was a frequent issue but his is the first time we’ve actually heard the sound of her hitting them.
This morning we found a note on our car from her:
[The note ](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs-09nGgB9R/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=xpoyhcy5znyc)
For a little more context we have never seen any of these kids leave the house. We’ve lived here 3 years and she’s been here since the first of July, almost half a year now. But we haven’t seen her or the kids leave once.
I just want to know if my family and I are assholes for reporting her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
hUc3dApQu5KtWjBVp6Z3X5kSMTyppJOf
|
an2s1q
|
{
"description": "falling out of love with my fiancé and cancelling the wedding",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for falling out of love with my fiancé and cancelling the wedding?
|
Posting from a throwaway.
Probably should add some background info before I just say "hey I'm the c-word that dumped her loving fiancé!" but even that may not make me any less AH. I'm looking for honest judgement as I think it might help me in my next relationship.
I'd been dating "Lenny" since sophomore year in college. Regardless of what's happened, he is a great guy; he's great looking, great job in finance, amazing with kids, steady while being a lot of fun. We never really fought and when we did I felt we resolved our issues in a pretty even handed manner. I thought I really loved him. He proposed over Easter weekend last year and we were well into wedding planning for this summer.
We took a trip to Hawaii over his Christmas holiday vacation and we were having a great time. I have no idea why but there was an interaction he had with a waiter where Lenny just seemed like such a weakling, it's hard to explain why it bothered me so much but it was like and instantaneous wave over my body that said "I really don't love him." I faked it through the next 5 days of the vacation but after getting settled in a home I very flatly told him I no longer loved him and I did not want to get married. I do feel bad but it looked like he'd been shot.
We went through all he standard breakup stuff of him wanting an explanation, wanting to get back together, go to counseling, etc... I did not want any of this stuff. In the background pretty much everyone from our common friends to my own parents and siblings think I'm some sort of awful witch who has started taking drugs. No one will listen that I just don't love him anymore. The worst part about this is that I feel very isolated from everyone I thought I could trust.
I have started dating quite a bit and Lenny thinks this is probably proof that I was cheating on him which isn't true at all but since his word is gold and mine is dog shit at this point, it's further poisoned the well with my friends and family.
tl;dr: I fell out of love with my fiancé and cancelled the wedding. Pretty much everyone I thought was friends or family has abandoned me. Happy to provide any info if needed.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
dSL9J8cxJmw2DhqrCAjOSdiOGd68MBGx
|
b780hm
|
{
"description": "offering to wash and style a friends natural (black) hair when I'm white",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if i offered to wash and style a friends natural (black) hair when i’m white?
|
I have a friend i’ve known from childhood for maybe 13-14 years now. She’s from a family that isn’t neglectful but still doesn’t pay much attention to her.
Her dad is black but her mother is white and her mother never tried to help her with her hair. She normally wears it back because people like to try to touch it without asking.
She’s the type of person who loves to be touched and cared for by friends but her hair is off limits to touch to most people but she doesn’t mind when i play with it absently (the playing w/ hair is a teen girl thing i know) but her hair is kind of, well, unhealthy because she doesn’t know how to care for it.
Like most people I get into a youtube rabbit hole and when I was doing that a month ago I saw some women with hair like hers doing styles and curls by washing and wrapping it.
The styles don’t last more than a week so i was thinking of offering to style her hair because she’s been struggling with mental health and i know that when i struggle new hair gets me out of a funk.
In the moments i’m not amazed watching the videos i’m aware of this “it’s not for me” feeling. The women in the videos tend to jokingly poke fun at white people hair tutorials and styles. I thought about the fact that that i’m a white person and i don’t want to be presumptuous and come across like a racist asshole because i assumed that i knew what was best for her.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
OiOnknZcBgJtPkqncCDmsWUHSvDsnczW
|
b4qxtn
|
{
"description": "disliking my mom as a person",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for disliking my mom as a person?
|
Let me start this off by saying I'm a 25 year old male living at home with his parents and his older brother. My mom has always been a great parent - she's always the one who makes meals for us and does most of the chores at home. I would help around if she would ask, but she rarely does because she's a people pleaser at heart. In that regard, I love her as much as a son should love his mom. She would always put me first, and would treat me like I'm a 14 year old, which I'm getting really tired of. My mom also supports what life decisions I make, and she never really pressures me into pursuing significant careers (especially since I'm of Asian descent).
 
Here's where things get weird - my mom is a very judgmental person. She would often criticize other drivers for being terrible, even when they don't necessarily do anything bad. The worst part about this is that she herself doesn't have a driving license. She also can't take criticism well, *at all*. Whenever my dad jokes around, or says things about the meal being not flavourful enough, she would always get defensive and say "You cook it then". Even when my dad jokes about her taking too long to shop or whatever, she would never be able to laugh at herself.
 
The last, most recent thing that happened was today when my dad was helping my mom with her computer while she was cooking. My mom often likes watching dramas, and she had her internet browser open of the most recent episode she was watching. My dad closed the browser, and when she went back to her computer, she complained and moaned about how she forgot which episode she was on. She commented how if she didn't make dinner, this never would have happened. My dad is a very patient man, and he explained how she could just go to her internet history to find the episode, but she wouldn't listen at all.
Overall, she's a negative person. She has happy moments, but whenever she complains, it just annoys me. Am I the asshole for disliking her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
5cp0c8Sl6ityYGHkH6P6DJX3ivnWQ8cT
|
aemas6
|
{
"description": "saying my friend's disability allowance is getting money for doing fuckall",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for saying my friend's disability allowance is getting money for doing fuckall?
|
Basically I said it during an argument(ish), my boyfriend and I both overslept for college (uk not us so age 16-18), i always wake him up which is why neither of us were up, slept late enough that given the long journey there was no point coming in. I explained this in a group chat to my friends, they were all like u skived lol, whatever cos it's not like we didn't and it's not like it matters (we missed 3hrs each of lesson time). My mum was cool with it.
This friend doesn't let it go tho, he doesn't leave it at that and says "couldn't u have gotten a taxi", at which point i said (quote) "we don't all get paid £30 a week for doing fuckall". And him and another girl in the chat were not happy about that remark. I'm referring to money he gets for being disabled, a bursary from the college (or money from the govt, or both, i don't remember). He has said exactly this, with that exact wording, himself on numerous past occasions. I pointed this out and apparently "it didn't sound like a quote" and "it's like saying the n word, it's racist when white ppl say it" (this came from the girl, who is white and uses that word herself frequently when referring to black people).
I will point out that he seems to spend a lot of it on stuff not related to his disability, e.g. coffee, presents for people, maccies etc. His medication and treatment is fully covered by the NHS, the only things he spends his money on related to his disability is taxis and ubers cos he has trouble getting around.
I personally think this is a waste of money, people are living paycheck to paycheck struggling to get by and he's spending their tax money on Starbucks. I obviously don't say that to him cos that would be pretty rude, this is the first time I've ever remarked on his disability pay as far as i recall.
What do u think? Did i go too far?
I also don't think the girl is in a position to say that to me, "u can't say that bc it's as inappropriate as this other thing that i myself do all the time".
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
JZ5eDq76bavfS7VaYD6wU9kpn2YyEVPy
|
avxp7z
|
{
"description": "asking lots of questions during class",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking lots of questions during class?
|
Before you even start, **YES**, I know it is annoying, but that isnt what I'm asking about.
So I have a teacher that insists on people asking questions during class (am in college English class), as she doesnt want to stick around when it's over. I am autistic, and so I naturally will focus in on one specific part of whatever she is talking about and get confused, so I will ask for clarification. She, in my opinion, absolutely sucks at explaining things, and so yesterday i wound up spending 5 continual minutes having her explain by asking different versions of the same question. Naturally, people were getting pissed, and the dude next to me says under his breath, "Ima pray for you, bro" and so I got upset because, damn, I'm just trying to understand what she is getting at so I can do the assignment. Please note, though, that i dont ask when she is lecturing unless it directly involves the lecture.
She doesnt pass out paperwork that correlates to the assignment, she doesnt write anything down on the whiteboard other than what our body paragraphs will center on, and from my experience she doesnt return emails.
So, AITA if I ask continouos questions until I get it? I know it pisses people off, but unfortunately i dont know what else to do and i cant bug her any other time because she insists it be a public forum type deal whenever questions are asked. I'd much rather be able to go in there and not give a shit about peoples opinions if i dont have to and just get my grade and get out, but If I'm an A-Hole idk.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
oSFDdmppvbNONHyhV51FBLPYzarQqjrs
|
b1jjx2
|
{
"description": "pointing out that my brother rage quit in a game",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for pointing out that my brother rage quit in a game?
|
So me and my siblings were playing a game together and my brother rage quit after losing, I kinda laughed and he's like, "Huh? YOU GOT A PROBLEM HUH?" and then my sister backs him up saying that, "u/ChiggyNuggetNEET, not everyone can be perfect like you." My sister and brother proceed to throw there words at me and what not yelling at me. So, here's the question, Am I the Ass here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
03ucYqjygpDAPknbmeAG3FtToVFt1fie
|
b2ebpn
|
{
"description": "telling my 16-year-old sister that her whole family will not support her if she got pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my 16-year-old sister that her whole family will not support her if she got pregnant?
|
A little context: I’m 15 and my sister (16) is dating a guy (17) and it’s almost their one month anniversary. She swears that this is her husband and they’re going to be married one day. I believe they’re taking their relationship a little too fast (she believes other wise as they’ve known each other since 5th) and I always get a little defensive when she bring up pregnancy. She talks about baby names, and if she were to ever get pregnant at 17. She tells me that since our mom got pregnant at 17 with our older sister that she’ll be fine because they lived “just fine”. Well, that might have been the case if the truth wasn’t that my mom hooked up with a stranger in a club, got pregnant with said stranger, and married a random man who helped her raise the child until she divorced him a couple years later due to domestic abuse. I told her this and this my disbelief she keeps talking about pregnancy and what if’s.
Tonight, around 11:00pm, I was talking to my sister trying to cheer her up after she was done crying due to her boyfriend thinking he found the right one and was very emotional about it. Fast forward a couple of minutes and she’s talking about what if she got pregnant and to that I said “but you won’t” and she turned around to me and said “but what if I was” and I repeated “but you won’t” again so she told me to get out of her room because she’s done with me. I then brought up what happened with our mother and how hard it was on her to have a child and how our whole family wouldn’t support her as they didn’t even like a photo of her giving a kiss on the cheek to her bf. So she wants to call me gay and stuff (which I am, I don’t understand who she’s hurting) and punched me once I noticed how she flinched while we were arguing. I hit her back and she kept calling me names and stuff like siblings do and kicked me out of her room. AITA?
Disclaimer: My sister is like my bestfriend to me. I always know if anything is up and if she was pregnant, she’s not and she’s told me countless times she’s not and would not get pregnant at her current age. I support their relationship 110% and treat her bf as a brother but I feel as if their relationship is going too fast.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
H342XWkZiQcsBKJqxiQ7YFvVwqs8RgJH
|
b2e1ge
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend I'm not happy with him liking / commenting on 'thirsty' Instagram accounts",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend I’m not happy with him liking / commenting on ‘thirsty’ Instagram accounts?
|
My boyfriend loves social media, he often asks why I don’t post more often and gets upset if I don’t react to his posts.
He also loves to ‘like’ and comment on thirsty (sexy) Instagram accounts of various wannabe insta-models.
I have only just discovered this behaviour as I’ve avoided social media and have only started using Instagram for about a year. We have had a stable relationship for 2 years
I felt that this is disrespectful behaviour and confronted him about it, asking him to consider how such behaviour might make me feel.
He flew off the handle saying that I am trying to imprison him and he hates jealous people and he didn’t like this ‘new’ person.
I relented and considered that it’s just social media
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gBauoAmOS9ATRgQLNtmjpBT1XzhEIx7T
|
b4bhlh
|
{
"description": "confronting my sister about not paying me back",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I confronted my sister about not paying me back
|
Ok so pretty simple going off the title but the backstory to this is:
Last year my sister went to South Africa to visit some family and attend my second cousins wedding. She had saved up just enough money where she should be able to get through the trip, but it would be a bit tight.
A week or so before she flew out I sold my car and had a decent amount of spare cash, so before she left I told her that if she thought she was getting low or going from run out of cash to just ask me and I'll send her some.
So about 2 weeks before she flies back she messages me and says she's running low on money can I please send her some. So I do, and transferred her $750 and with a message saying to pay me back when she could. All sweet.
However, since coming back my sister has been in and out of work, contemplating/going to uni and hasn't had a particularly steady cashflow. Still all good, I don't especially need the cash so it's not a problem.
But since coming back and working occasionally, she's gone out multiple times a week with her new bf, and it seems like every other month she's going to a concert or a music festival. I'm not sure if she's paid for these in advance or if someone else is shouting her tickets or what the deal is with this.
Now like I said, I'm not strapped for cash. I've got enough money coming in that I can pay my bills and have a hundred or so a week spending money. But there's a voice in the back of my head that's recently popped up saying she should be making more of an effort to pay me back.
So, WIBTA asking her to make more of an effort to pay me back, despite not really needing the cash?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
dv3fhmr4RdPAY8xi1PgBKV2E7YpNqAdA
|
9v0bzp
|
{
"description": "yelling at my friend for being late every day",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for yelling at my friend for being late every day?
|
Im a university student without a car and my friend offered to pick me up and drive her to the university we both go to everyday. I offered to pay her but she said no and that it's her pleasure to pick me up on the way.
She has not been on time to pick me up a single day this semester. Not one. Often she is late by up to an hour and a half.
Now, I haven't missed anything important because of how late she picks me up but I've been really close.
This week, after an unexpected wait of an hour I had enough and yelled at her the whole car ride over, pretty much begging her to be on time one day.
So Reddit... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 16
}
|
WRONG
|
1GZEx9QOXUH97y9RbuaOTfn6e6sZUVHZ
|
b30ra4
|
{
"description": "not posting anymore on a forum because the mods refuse to ban/deal with a troublesome member",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not posting anymore on a forum because the mods refuse to ban/deal with a troublesome member?
|
OK, so I’m on this small video game forum. This forum is not terribly active, and has about 10-15 active members at most. There’s this one member, who I’ll call Steve, who’s pretty much as problematic as one can get. He’s disrespectful of other members (mods included), makes bawdy jokes that aren’t funny in the slightest, injects politics in places they're ill needed, and beats dead horses in any and every argument he’s in. Thing is, as far I’m aware, Steve hasn’t even been so much as given a temporary ban for his actions, only PM'd and told to play nice (which of course works as well as one would imagine. One former member of the forum who I stay in contact with straight up asked the mods to permaban him because of their inaction towards Steve. So, as you can imagine, I'm very apathetic towards the forum, and don't really want to ever post there anymore. But who's really in the wrong here?
TL;DR- Small video game forum is ruined by obnoxious member, mods don't do diddly about it, AITA for not liking the forum anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1RJexxINZsMMnQyWcIRuYSM0CY7i36VP
|
ajqc61
|
{
"description": "snooping on my fiancé's phone even though snooping allowed me to find out what he's really been up to and not be such a b-tch to him",
"pronormative_score": 59,
"contranormative_score": 237
}
|
AITA for snooping on my fiancé's phone even though snooping allowed me to find out what he's really been up to and not be such a b-tch to him?
|
Long story as all these things usually are so I'll try to boil this down as best I can.
Been with fiancé for 5 years. I'm 27, he's 28. Great relationship but I tend to be on the untrusting side because of being cheated on in the past (boyfriend and TWO of my best friends...yuck). So around Christmas fiancé started exhibiting all the behaviors that my ex did. Cancelling dates, not being where he said he was supposed to be, not being at his apartment, not ever having his phone with him, turning off findmyfriends unexpectedly on and on.
I tried talking with him and asking him if something is wrong, he said no. I was like "oh, calm down Sarai, he's never given you any reason to doubt him" which worked for a while but his shady behavior just got more and more shady. In all of this, I was awful to him. I was just moody, grouchy, I told him I didn't want him to stay over and not have sex. I had no proof of anything other than my intuition but I still took it out on him.
So maybe last week, I was sleepless in the middle of the night and just to see what he was up to and turned on findmyfriends and saw that like at 1AM on a Tuesday night he was at this really cool old converted warehouse that's half loft's/half artists space close to our towns bar district. I knew for a fact his ex-girlfriend lived in the lofts and I was like "ohhhhhhh-kaayyyyyy….red handed." So I screen capped it and was like planning on breaking up with him the next day.
So surprise, surprise he shows up at my place that same night at like 3AM which I was like you have to be fucking kidding me dude, you're going to fuck her in the same night you're going to try to fuck me? Not a chance and to make it even WORSE he got right in the shower. So I wanted more evidence to dump him so I logged into his phone and was going to screen cap all the incriminating texts, photos and videos and text them to myself.
So this is what I found which also requires some backstory. I love the modern take on twisted wrought iron garden trellises and gates. Like think they are the most amazing thing. Well as it turns out my fiancé has been taking welding classes so he can build us a trellis that can be the backdrop for our wedding ceremony. Like massive amount of text messages between him and his instructor, pictures of the work in progress and practice pieces his done. There was even a text message that said "it's getting harder and harder to keep this a secret, but I think the surprise will be worth it." And the instructor is teaching him in the loft spaces, absolutely zero mention of his ex anywhere his phone. My stupid black heart about melted back into pink. I felt SOOOOOOO guilty for snooping. Like such an idiot and not only that I ruined this great surprise that he had planned for me.
But in all honesty I feel better knowing what is up. I don't have to worry that he's cheating, I can still act like it's a surprise and be just as delighted with his project. Most of all I've been so much nicer to him and we are back to getting along great.
Maybe the ends justifies the means here...sooooooo AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 221,
"OTHER": 31,
"EVERYBODY": 16,
"NOBODY": 28,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 59,
"WRONG": 237
}
|
WRONG
|
dbI1myyOccAJWjIIWUcMuFfsKVNYWqXa
|
b9lq7e
|
{
"description": "deleting my brothers Pokemon save on my cartridge",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I deleted my brothers Pokemon save on my cartridge?
|
I am going on a week long trip soon and I commonly play Pokemon Leaf Green to pass the time inevitable with these kinds of trips. Problem is, my brother borrowed my game a year or so ago and made a save file with 78 hours and 98 in the pokedex.
He hasn't touched his save in months, but still insists I don't delete his save. I would be happy to oblige, but I don't have any other Pokemon games anymore or the money to buy a new cartridge of Fire/Leaf and/or E/R/S. I've looked through the save and he hasn't defeated the elite four, his only notable fighter is a lvl89 Pidgeot, and he missed out on Zapdos.
Would I be the asshole if I take my game back and overwrite his save?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Gvt1EneQ7pxkN4cSYNVkTMJ2muTmo1rg
|
apbqn0
|
{
"description": "not wanting to tan or hide my sex toys",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Because I don't want to tan or hide my sex toys
|
Planning a trip with S.O. of 1 year, 3 months. S.O. first asked me to get a spray tan because he finds it attractive. I said no. because I don't like it. The ask has come up several times, to the degree I got pissed off. I don't think it is appropriate to even ask someone to change something they can't instantly undo.
​
A male friend would be staying at my home to pet sit. Because it is a man, S.O. said I should move the sex toys out of my nightstand and put them somewhere else, because dude is not entitled to a window into our sex lives. Dude would be staying in a guest room, and I am hard pressed to imagine the need to go into my room, much less my drawers. I've pet sit for people and never done this. I think so long as they are \*put away\*, this is sufficient, and door is closed. S.O. has also suggested I put a naked photo of myself in the nightstand if I am so confident it won't be peeped in, and that I might be secretly turned on by dude looking at the sex toys stuff. I would say it if I was. I am not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
DPPvWRki72D4LE2kh6NLkyAPDyjldNp8
|
b4e1zl
|
{
"description": "feeling bad for someone probably I shouldn't feel bad about idk I am conflicted",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling bad for someone probably i shouldn't feel bad about idk i am conflicted
|
Recently in relationship advice a girl posted that she found out her boyfriend has been surfing pedofhilish things on the internet And does some creepy things like taking photos of her .Later after she calls the police they find the stuff and ask him to come to court on a appointed date . He comes back later to talk to her says he was sorry he was ashamed of it he Never hurt kids and he can't help himself how he didn't talk to anyone because he knew it's wrong and he is trying to better himself and all the comments were how she dodged a bullet and how he must be in jail for it .
I was an addict .I know that there are parts of ourselves that are really really hard to control and it's not exactly a moral failing and also he knew that he was wrong and trying to correct himself. I felt a pang of sadness for him a little compassion .
Am I weird or am I the asshole for feeling bad for a little ?
It's been bothering me for a while I kind of feel like I am the asshole.i kind of feel yucky about it
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QnVuzE8Or99j9e45gt3ujBs631OVCXIS
|
aoh017
|
{
"description": "not sharing my data with my lab partner",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not sharing my data with my lab partner?
|
So next Tuesday all the regular physics classes are teaming up to have a 4-period assessment(which is definitely not a midterm) and I partnered with some people in another class but no one in my own.
Since I was alone and there was also another girl alone in my class our teacher paired us up. Even though the project is in a week there is a few experiments needed to be done before the day of. Key word is before. Now in the past four days she hasn’t said a word and has been reading and drawing the whole time while I gather all the data on my own(most groups are of four because it’s a lot of work). So today my teacher comes over and talks to her, and she has the gawl to say she did the work. I show him my notes and charts of data saying I, too did work. So he suggests we go over it together.
I look over and she answered one of the questions directly from the rubric, even though it states specifically not to do so. All she had was a formula, and she proceeded to ask for my notes. I tell her no she has to do it on her own, she’s done nothing this whole time, but I tell her a hint at what I did. For this project, despite working together, we all have to submit our own notes and calculations and versions of the experiments. She said she would do it all the day of. And got mad with me for not helping her more. Like what?
tl;dr slacker asks for notes, I say no
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Q4FYadb06LIkqmce9aZxPVpTrR4A42YM
|
b75wek
|
{
"description": "vetoing Great Grandma's nickname",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for vetoing Great Grandma’s nickname?
|
First time mom of a perfect LO. First grandchild on both sides. Our respective parents (my LO’s grandparents) all had preferences for the names my LO would call them.
My mother has requested she be called a specific name, GG for Grandma, last initial (Last name starts with a G).
My SOs grandmother has always gone by a specific nickname for her grandchildren- Mimi. She has insisted that she be called GG for Great Grandma.
I said our child will most likely call her Mimi as that is what my SO and I call her. She has corrected me multiple times stating that she will be called GG, not Mimi.
I personally think my mother gets first dibs of her nickname and am vetoing the nickname of GG for my SO’s grandmother, and will still push my LO to call her Mimi against her wishes.
AITA for doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
wPByxFuqasPNoJMSa0mXhoekZzcOHfvI
|
a2q8wg
|
{
"description": "telling my mom she cannot be under the influence of weed while caring for my young child",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my mom she cannot be under the influence of weed while caring for my young child?
|
AITA for telling my mom she can’t smoke weed while she takes care of my kid? I am pro-legalization. I am fine with her doing whatever she wants any other time, she is an adult and can make her own decisions. Neither my husband nor I have ever smoked or done any other drugs, but my whole family smokes weed regularly and sees nothing wrong with it.
My mom is a very responsible person, and loves my child (1.5) to death. She likes watching her overnight a couple times a month. I thought that it was common sense to not smoke around children (second hand smoke, impaired judgement, etc) so I didn’t think it was necessary to lay out ground rules. But as I was unpacking her clothes one day after a sleepover I smelt a strong weed smell and saw an ash/burn mark on her jammies. My kid was on the path to adoption, but still in foster care at the time. She was born addicted and had a very hard time withdrawing from her bio mother’s bad decisions. All this paired with being an over protective new mom made me furious. I called my mother and straight up asked if she smoked near my child, and she immediately admitted she smoked while holding my sleeping baby to help her relax. She said she knew she shouldn’t have, and will never do it again. I told her what would happen if she did, which included her visits being monitored and supervised. She made no excuses and was so scared to lose contact with us. During the conversation we also discussed that she needs to store her stash somewhere no child can get it. A few months went by and my husband and I agreed that we felt comfortable again with sleepovers. But every time she comes back her clothes smell of weed. Mom’s house and vehicle does have a lingering weed smell pretty much constantly, and I realize the lingering smell can soak into her clothes and it doesn’t necessarily mean mom is smoking while taking care of her. But ya’ll, the smell is pretty strong. I want to get along with my mom and she really is an overall positive influence in my child’s life. But I cannot overlook this. I think if I asked mom about it again that she would lie because she knows what will happen if she admits to it again. Am I being overly paranoid about the risks of being under the influence of weed while taking care of children?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
E8IVfQehZBK8Ky9clf1DSSXuR78wfR0Q
|
au4y79
|
{
"description": "intentionally excluding friends with social anxiety from events because I was sick of constantly having to follow-up",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for intentionally excluding friends with social anxiety from events because I was sick of constantly having to follow-up?
|
So I am basically the social organizer for a large group of friends (mostly from university although we're all working now) because no one else can be bothered. This group has gotten REALLY big over the years (like 30-40 ppl from only 10) which means it can be a pain in the ass getting people to come to places.
Recently in the past year people have been really into boating events. We'd rent a big boat for a day and pay for food/drinks to be delivered and hang on the water with friends for a whole day. Its a blast but an absolute pain in the ass to plan. I've asked for help but no one volunteers, but everyone is always requesting these events to be planned, so I'm the one putting down deposits and getting everyone to pay me their fair share.
So this one big issue has cropped up. There are about 2-3 ppl in the group with clear social anxiety or some other anxiety that they claim makes them hard to commit to things. HOWEVER, they are always the first to volunteer and say they want to come to something, only for them to cancel last minute or make me chase them for money for WEEKS. I've tried instituting deadlines for payments but they are the biggest complainers and will post on our group page about it, causing people to ask me to give them leniency because they suffer from mental illnesses but still want to participate.
Well lately I've just been texting people one on one and sometimes I seriously cannot be bothered to contact those 2-3 people because of the hell they've put me through. But now they've seen a couple of pics on social media and are crying out about injustice and how people like me exacerbate their social anxiety for excluding them. It's 50-50 with other people in the group. Half of the people think I am totally right for excluding people who've screwed me over in the past and the other half thinks I need to have WAAAY more care for these people because they are more sensitive to social rejection. AITA?
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apprtx
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{
"description": "asking my roommate to turn down the volume",
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|
AITA for asking my roommate to turn down the volume?
|
Last night I was trying to sleep and my roommate was watching a movie with the volume up pretty loud to the point where the sub was shaking my ceiling fan. I texted him asking him to turn it down and I heard him get up angrily turn off everything and slam his door. He then texted me saying I ruined his night. This was at 11:45pm and I worked the next morning at 9. Almost every night he will stay up till about 3 watching movies or playing video games then will sleep in till noon. I'd also like to add my text said, hey could you turn it down a little bit I have work early tomorrow.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to not drink alcohol at all at a new years party I can't attend myself",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 43
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|
WIBTA If I asked my girlfriend to not drink alcohol at all at a new years party I can't attend myself?
|
First of all, this is my first time posting so I am sorry for any mistakes and my bad English, it is my secondary language.
Secondly: TL;DR at the bottom.
Okay, so I am currently on vacation with my family and we will be spending New year's in the United states, while my girlfriend is home in Denmark and celebrating it there.
She wants to go (is going) to a party, that a former friend of mine hosts, with some of her girlfriends. That troubles me, because of multiple reasons.
1. I don't want to be "the controlling boyfriend", that is way too over protective, as I sometimes are, nor do I want her to go to the party because of the guests invited and the host.
The reason of that is firstly:
- The host is, in my opinion, untrustworthy and have no sense of situation, which I think is troubling when I can't be there to make sure she is okay or be with her at the party.
- The majority of the male guests has no sense of boundaries and I am worried they will try to make her do a mistake, especially if she is drunk.
2. The girlfriends she is going with are all single and they always drink way too much at parties and therefore, I am worried she will drink too much as well. She has gone to parties without me before, where we were an official couple, without any problems but my anxiety, but this time is different because there are fireworks, alcohol and a lot for people, both good and bad people.
3. I get very easily jealous and insecure about her being with other boys. I try to not control her as I don't think that is healthy but this really troubled me, because I am pretty pessimistic and always thinks the worst is going to happen, which is why I came to the conclusion:
That, of course, I will let her go to the party, but ask her to not drink any alcohol because I am worried for her and myself.
So Would I Be The Asshole?
TL;DR:
Girlfriend is going to a party I can't attend, I worry for her way too much and are asking her not to drink alcohol as I don't feel comfortable with her partying with alcohol, fireworks and a lot of people without me.
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{
"description": "not wanting to talk to my \"friend\" anymore",
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AITA for not wanting to talk to my "friend" anymore?
|
I had a person I liked, let’s call her… Emily. Emily and Me knew were acquaintances for quite some time before I decided to start talking to her again after one of my friends had said she was cute. I had known her previously and have connections with her prior, and so I decided to text her on Instagram. Since we both had a exam recently I decided it would be a good opportunity to chat. We ended up connecting thoughts over the exam, and so I decided to talk to her. I had given her gifts and talked to her before, so I thought it would turn into a good friendship.
Over the next few months, I came to know her better, and ended up developing romantic feelings towards her. However, I was a coward. I was afraid of rejection, and so kept my feelings to myself. Now “Emily” was an amazing student. She outperformed me academically and I often felt cast out when talking about academics despite our similar thoughts on the matter. But, I still decided to play games with her, and chat with her about issues. We ended up communicating a few experiences that had happened to us in the past that were personal, chatted about life, etc. I didn’t want to ruin the relationship we had. But.. I kept feeling like shit. I knew it wasn’t right of me to feel this way, but every time she outperformed I felt a stinging pain in my chest as if I had lost. A friend I considered similar was so close; yet so distant, and this thought scared me to the very core.
The next month in November, I decided to confess my feelings. I wanted the pain to end… I felt like I was going to get defeated, but I had some hope. Short story short, I got rejected. I understood her actions, however I got called unattractive which was a painful experience for me. I said I understood, however, inside I felt lost. I can’t complain about the reason she did this, but I didn’t think she would be so blunt with her response. Maybe I was ugly, but I still felt worse… Now I felt like I wanted to restart our relationship. I decided to tell her we would start anew; a relationship without my pain, and she agreed. However… I felt horrible after my rejection. I hid my pain from “Emily” and decided to just try the relationship again. It was a huge failure… I felt even worse before.
I decided to distance myself, to try and end the pain but maybe I was just running. I didn’t want to be affected. I decided to end the relationship yesterday and went through with it. I told her she wasn’t to blame and this wall all my fault.. But “Emily” seemed rather angry over my reasons why. I communicated them to the best of my ability, but she seemed unsatisfied. Feeling ashamed I avoided disclosing the reasons why.. Now we’re trying to sort out the problems but I still feel the same about our relationship; that due to my inability it would inevitably fail. Am I the asshole for not wanting to talk with my “friend” anymore?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "wanting to ask my new girlfriend to delete her dating apps",
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AITA for wanting to ask my new girlfriend to delete her dating apps?
|
we’re still pretty new into the relationship, it’s been just over a week. we didn’t meet on an app, we met through friends and hit it off.
we really like each other so far, but i do have jealous tendencies that i’m working on. she left her phone unlocked and i saw the apps and admittedly got a little jealous at first but figured she just didn’t think about deleting it. i’m not accusing her of anything and i know it’s probably not that big of a deal, but it does kinda hurt a little cause it eats at my insecurity that i feel like i’m not enough. but she tells me how happy she is with me and how i’m the nicest guys he’s ever been with and that’s been enough for me so far to let it go and just focus on her.
my perspective is that if you’re in a relationship, you don’t need any of that, so i deleted mine the day before i asked her to be my girlfriend. maybe her and i just have different opinions on that.
also, i feel like an asshole for looking at her phone and invading her privacy. am i coming off as jealous and controlling?
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HISTORICAL
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av67mo
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{
"description": "effectively ghosting my cousin",
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}
|
AITA For effectively ghosting my cousin?
|
Obvious throwaway is obvious. Regardless:
I (19M) have a cousin (21F) who has quite possibly one of the worst tastes in partners of anyone I've ever met. Nearly every relationship she's ever been in has been abusive, either physically or mentally, or both, and both her exes and current boyfriend essentially either hoard her from our family or ghost her for weeks before rekindling. I have my own problems with that, but I would never cut off anyone because their choice of partners sucks. This however, does become relevant later.
I also have a longtime girlfriend of 2.5 years (18F), who since we began dating has become very close with everyone in my family, particularly my cousin, and they hang out fairly often. I was cool with this at first, as I liked my cousin and was happy my SO and my family were getting along well. Fast forward nearly a year, and my SO starts telling me that when her and my cousin are hanging out alone, she gets a little inappropriate (She's never expressed lesbian tendencies, although my SO has told me she identifies as Bi. We are 100% monogamous.), which I'm weirded out by, but not upset over really; I trust my girlfriend. The main thing that angers me is my cousin apparently shit talks me behind my back to my SO and says how horrible of a boyfriend I am and how she deserves so much better, and then proceeds to scroll through Instagram to show her all the guys she thinks are "hot" and how my SO should dump me and go for these guys instead.
Let me state here and before all that I have never once in my life cheated on any SO, past or present, nor will I ever, I have never hit, smacked, spit on, or otherwise physically abused my SO, I have never mentally or psychologically abused her, or given any indication whatsoever that I am the despicable scum my cousin apparently tried to paint me as. I will never claim to be the perfect boyfriend, and there's always room for improvement, but I felt this way out of left field and uncalled for.
Naturally, I'm livid. Not just because my own cousin is essentially trying to sabotage what at this point is a long, stable relationship for absolutely no reason, especially given the fact that her choice in SO ha e literally the exact problems she paints me as having, while I have exhibited ZERO of their traits or behaviors.
Not wanting to cause a big fuss, as our family is very closely knit otherwise, I never really discussed this with her, only privately with my Mom and Grandmother, but explicitly told them not to tell her, and I just kind of stopped making an effort to go out of my way to interact with her. I will be polite and cordial at family gatherings, and I'm still cool with my SO being friends with her, but I'm not sure I'll be able to completely forgive her for trying to sabotage my SO's and I's relationship because of what I suspect as her own jealousy and projection.
So, people of Reddit, I leave it up to you to decide if I am truly TA in this situation?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "kicking the tail light out of drivers who run me off the road when I'm on my bike",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
WIBTA if i kick the tail light out of drivers who run me off the road when I'm on my bike.
|
Okay so here's the situation I bike everywhere in my city in all seasons. I obey the rule that cyclists ride in the street with cars, however most drives seem to think that because I'm a cyclist I don't have the same rights of the road as them and try and run me off the road, so I've thought about kicking their tail lights out when at the next traffic light when they do that. WIBTA if I do that?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "cutting of my boyfriend while discussing his interests with me",
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|
AITA for cutting of my boyfriend while discussing his interests with me?
|
I apologize for the odd title (I really didn’t know how to phrase it) and any weird formatting. I am on mobile.
I suffer from chronic migraine. Last night I went to bed with one and when I woke up this morning I could barely move as it got worse. By noon my medication drove it away. I could feel it coming back as I’m getting ready for bed and announce it to my boyfriend. I’m brushing my teeth getting ready for bed and my boyfriend is on the toilet reading his phone.
He stops me to ask if he can tell me one thing. He likes composers and orchestra music specifically from film. It’s pretty much the only music he listens to. I let him and he starts telling me about a composer who has done the music for the newest End Game trailer. However he then starts to go off on a while other tangent that I know will lead him into an hour long detailed biography of this guys life. My head hurts and it’s 11:30pm and I really just wanted to go to bed.
I cut him off and tell him I really wasn’t all that interested which is the truth. He gets upset with me and I explain to him that my head hurts and I can’t really process any more information. It’s late and not really a great choice to have this conversation with me as I’m trying to go to bed. He gets huffy and shuts me down. He got pretty cruel when I tried to make it right so I didn’t hurt his feelings about it.
Am I the asshole here? I feel bad and I want to let him tell me about the things he enjoys. I don’t want him to feel like he can’t. But I truthfully just want to sit in the dark and hold my head it feels like it’s splitting in half.
I’ll take my judgement. I’ll try and clarify anything in comments.
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acfnfx
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{
"description": "wanting to avoid Politics with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to avoid Politics with my Parents
|
Basically my parents are conservative Christians in a 'conservative lite' kinda way. They have strong 'traditional' opinions on religion, sexuality and gender (but not race or wealth) but if you need a play to stay, food, etc, they will absolutely give you any help you need albeit while trying to bring you to the Lord.
My siblings and I are very liberal, but while I am fine talking politics at work, with friends, etc, talking about it with my parents will inevitably end up heated, angry and uncomfortable. The most likely outcome is that everyone will be upset and no one will change their minds on anything.
My younger brother is very combative and will often bring up contentious topics for the sake of 'debating' my dad. I have asked him to stop picking fights, if dad starts it, sure go ahead, but to stop instigating. He feels that I'm just being a coward, and I should confront them on their views even if it makes me uncomfortable.
One of my problems with that is that those debates affect me personally. My brother is straight and cis-gendered male while I'm ace and non-binary. If he stirs up shit, it won't affect him beyond my parents getting upset at him. I'm can't walk away from my life if things go bad.
So am I an asshole for wanting to avoid discussing important political topics with my parents?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "trying to stand up for myself",
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|
AITA for trying to stand up for myself?
|
A little context. I'm 34, youngest of 5. My father is 83 and disabled. I am also disabled. I live with him. I don't pay rent but I take care of him and the household. (also, english is my third language)
He has been needing a lot more care lately, due to his deteriorating health. I've been trying to keep on top of things but some, like laundry and washing dishes, I have not been able to do. I have asked my sisters who live really close to us for help but they're response is "It is not our responsibilty to take care of him nor is it yours". So I have been trying to scale back on the things, that he can do himself, I do for him. I get that he needs help and that I moved in to help him but his requests are becoming unreasonable.
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HISTORICAL
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b6ol58
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"description": "telling my boyfriend he's a worthless man, and not even a man at that? he called me a stupid b**tch because of how I did the dishes",
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|
AITA for telling my boyfriend he’s a worthless man, and not even a man at that? He called me a stupid b**tch because of how I did the dishes
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We’ve been together for four years, and lived together for two. The past year our relationship was pretty rocky. I’m currently visiting my family for a few days out of town, and right now he just text me saying “the sink won’t even drain because of all the food in there, it’s disgusting, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU” and I responded “you’ve only done the dishes twice in the two years that we’ve lived together and you’ve never done the laundry so you can’t complain about how I clean”, then he goes on to text me about how dirty and gross the sponges are, and he said “how could you wash our dishes with those??” then he called me a bitch and said he wants to finally be done. I told him if he’s not gonna clean then he can’t complain about how I clean. We split the bills 50/50 and split the rent 50/50, although to his credit he pays for way more food then I do and he does give me rides sometimes since I don’t have a car (although I use Uber a lot), but I hate when he complains about my cleaning when he doesn’t clean a damn thing himself. Sometimes I tell him, “You never clean so you can’t complain” and sometimes he understands that, but other times he blows up on me like this. He also always ask me to bring him drinks and waters and food while he sits on the couch and rarely gets anything himself. All the household chores, even cleaning up after his dog, falls on me. Now he’s texting me calling me an idiot and a fat pig. Which is funny because I’m not even fat, but he loves calling me fat (even though he says I’m not fat at all) just because he knows it hurts me so he says it. I blew up on him and text him right now saying “all you do is gamble and do shit with your life, you’re a worthless man, you’re not even a man!!” And now he’s texting me and telling me to come get my stuff to move out. It really bothers me what he said. AITA for defending myself? I know what I said was mean but I’m sick of the name calling. I never defend myself and I finally wanted to tell him off good
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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avyssy
|
{
"description": "telling a girl that someone who has passed away had a crush on her",
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|
AITA for telling a girl that someone who has passed away had a crush on her
|
So I am 15 in my sophomore year of high school and the beginning of this month my best friend from school passed away from glioblastoma. Today we had a celebration of life, where there were many tears, laughs, and stories, and I ended up talking to his 6th grade crush. I asked if she knew that he was terminal (only very few did) to which responded no, and amidst our stories there was a moment where we were just awkwardly standing there. I then thought of how my friend had a crush on her and told her, and she cried some more. She said she felt awful soon after and I apologized, hugged her, then left to the restroom to think of what I had just said and cried a bit more. I couldn’t tell if she was saying this about the fact that he had a crush on her and she never knew or because he had passed. I’m not very good with social queues but I’m working on it so am I an asshole or was this okay and good to tell her, please help.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "getting mad at my roommate for letting her boyfriend basically live here",
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|
AITA for getting mad at my roommate for letting her boyfriend basically live here?
|
Long story, and no TLDR because I just put the key parts in bold, but I seriously appreciate anyone who reads all of this.
My roommate (we can call her Emma) and I share a 2 bedroom apartment. We split rent & utilities down the middle. Our lease started on June 1st of 2018. We had shared a dorm room the year prior without any issue, so I thought sharing an apartment would be no problem. She works \~30 hours a week as a waitress, and her BF works about the same at his parents pizzeria, they both dropped out of college. I work 6 days a week and take classes full time.
I wasn't living here fully over the summer, as I had a job that was over an hour commute, so I was only here on weekends, but I wasn't here at all during July and part of august. When I came back in mid august, I discovered she had started seeing a guy (we can call him Dave). **Right away, he was spending the night here almost every night**, and had been for several weeks before I came back. So I came back and he was pretty much here every night, **without Emma asking me about it** or anything. **Side note: he has his own apartment, about 2 blocks from our place.**
Weeks later, **I ask her about it, and if he could contribute. She immediately gets extremely defensive** and very snarky with me, saying "well if you have a problem with it, Ill just kick him out then", I say you don't need to do that, Id just like him to contribute, etc. etc. This conversation goes nowhere. **I eventually give up** and leave it.
**Several months pass**, me just trying to stay out of their way. He progressively starts moving in more and more. **They now eat every meal here, he sleeps here every single night, has his friends over here, hangs out here all day when she's at work and he has the day off, even sleeps here when she is away**. However, he doesn't keep all his clothes here. This is Emma's only defense on the rare occasion I bring it up.
About 2 weeks ago, I finally got fed up after our landlord stopped by to confront us about Dave getting mail here and his car being parked here. **The landlord was clearly suspicious we had a third person living here**, and if he finds out about Dave, Emma and I **will both get evicted**. I had to lie to my landlord about Dave living here. Our landlord already hates us, because Emma got a cat without asking him first, and also had a huge party while I wasn't home that the police busted and called our landlord about.
After that, **I asked them to both sit down with me and have a civil discussion about it. I request that he either stop living here, or contribute to rent. I finally got him to agree to pay the utilities.** Emma and I each pay $425 a month for rent, he will now pay $60 a month in utilities to live here. I thought I was being generous with this compromise. Emma's justification for this was that he "stays out of my way". Which he does, and I appreciate that. But **he's still here all day, even when Emma isn't, is here every night, even when Emma isn't. Yes, he is not very intrusive to me, but he still lives here**. You can be the least intrusive roommate ever, but you still have to pay your share of rent, in my opinion.
During this conversation, Emma and Dave went on a whole tirade about me as well, **saying that I had no right to be upset with Dave for living here, since I leave my things in the living room sometimes and don't always take my shoes off.** **I don't think this is crazy**, I think leaving my jacket, laptop, and backpack in the living room of my own apartment sometimes is pretty normal and acceptable. And I do my best to take my shoes off 90% of the time, but I forget once in a while. **I'm a very clean person, and rarely leave a mess**. She frequently leaves the sink overflowing with dishes, leaves the bathroom a mess, clogs the shower drain with hair, doesn't clean up cat litter and cat food all over the floor, leaves spoiled food in the fridge, and doesn't clean up the huge parties she has when im gone. but I don't say anything about it because I really don't think stuff like that is a huge deal
**This compromise lasted about a week, when they changed their minds, and agreed to stay a couple nights a week at his place, instead of him paying. The last 2 weeks, they've spent 2-3 nights at his place**. Great.
**Today, he spent the whole day here, while Emma was at work**, and his apartment is only 2 blocks away. I confronted Emma about it when she got home, and **asked her that he please not be here all day when she isn't, I think its weird, and see no reason why he can't just hang at his place. She got EXTREMELY angry and defensive**, angrily gesturing to the living room, saying it was a mess (I had my backpack and jacket on the couch, and my laptop and a glass of water on the coffee table), and getting angry at me for hanging out in the living room all day doing homework.
**I tried to be very civil about it, I don't want to be fighting with my roommate, but she escalated it so fast, Im wondering if I'm being the asshole here?? I must be doing something wrong, otherwise she wouldn't be this mad. Currently he pays $0 and spends 100% of his time here, except between 10pm-8am 1 or 2 nights a week when they sleep at his place, just so they can say they sleep there sometimes. Please tell me if I'm the asshole, and all advice is appreciated.**
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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acnvd3
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{
"description": "wanting to leave my job because of an out of company hire",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for wanting to leave my job because of an out of company hire?
|
tl;dr at bottom. I work at a small company, less than 10 employees, I've been there for almost 2 years. I've been doing this type of work (mostly landscaping, plumbing, and general maintenance stuff) for 17 years at this point. I've known the owner and his wife since I was about 5 and was good friends with their kids for most of my childhood, spent a lot of time at their house when my parents were going through a divorce but had a major falling out with their family (they were being shady with other peoples and no one wanted anything to do with them for years, i was just a kid so i don't know all the details). Anywho I started working for them and everything was great, they even gave me a no interest loan so i could get a car. It's worth noting that i have been diagnosed with a major depressive disorder and an anxiety disorder that i still battle, but was really bad when i first started there. My point is they put up with a lot when i first started and helped me get my life together when i really needed the help. Fast forward, my boss and i have serious ethical differences, he will bait live traps with rat poison knowing much lager animals will eat it, kill animals caught in live traps inhumanly, leaving poison out where anyone/thing can get it, asked me to do these and other illegal things, he's a slumlord, the list is long i could go on for a while still. On top of these issues he tries to bully me into working when I'm not scheduled (interfering with the limited amount of time I get to see my kids) and has wildly inaccurate ideas about how long manual labor should take. So we had a blowout fight a short time ago about how long a job should take and when I came into work today I was informed that next shift a new hire would be starting that would be my superior. I just said OK and left since i had already clocked out. But now the fact that my boss has no respect for my experience, something I've known for at least 6 months, and is a total p.o.s. is really welling up inside me.
​
if you need anymore info ask I'm not great at storytelling
\-I've been looking for a job because of the above issues but only for really good alternates and I interview terribly
\-I pride myself on my work ethic and have been praised for it from everyone I've ever worked for
​
tl;dr
boss but mostly his wife helped me through hard times, longstanding ethical issues with my boss, now they're hiring someone as my superior from outside the company, I've been there 2 years and have 17 years experience. AITA for wanting to leave this job?
|
HISTORICAL
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9vh11a
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{
"description": "lashing out at close friends over being toyed-with by an emotionally manipulative mutual friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
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|
AITA for lashing out at close friends over being toyed-with by an emotionally manipulative mutual friend?
|
AITA for yelling at close friends who told me to get over it?
I feel inclined to preface this with a long exposition that I will TL;DR after (mostly because I've never really put it all out on the table in anything over than texts, and I feel like I need to)
​
In high school I made the mistake of falling early on for someone who would end up going on to be one of my closest friends by the time we graduated. I had had a lot of crushes over the years, but this girl, call her S, in particular was a close friend that I always found myself getting drawn back to despite ups and downs in our friendship, dating other people, etc.
I pined over S for a good while, but she was dating another guy and I didn't stand a chance. Towards the end of my junior year, he dumped her. Flash forward a while and I was never confident enough to make moves, but in a turn of events that caught me off guard, S ended up initiating a date that would end in my first kiss. I had had feelings for her for years and finally she showed that she was interested in me as well. Immediately after, she seemed like she thought she had gone too far. She left to go to a friend's house and lied to her about having been with me to avoid suspicion. Definitely a red flag but I was too blinded by the butterflies and the sudden shattering my relationship-related lack of self esteem. We got together alone a couple more times over the next couple weeks, I initiated another kiss but she seemed hesitant. I confronted her about it and she said she had missed the intimacy, and did really like me but that she was too hurt by her ex to get into a new relationship. I responded unfortunately like an entitled teenage boy and was angry at her for a little bit, especially when she quickly got back together with the guy that had "broken her heart."
I got over it, we buried the hatchet, and I ended up in my first real relationship the following year, which ended on good terms because I was going to college. S ended things with her boyfriend for the same reason around the same time. We both go to college, and on returning for our winter break, all our friends had a Christmas party. I got drunk and tried to make moves on S, but her ex was there and they were apparently still hooking up while they were home (S always said she couldn't do long distance). I ended up being weirdly pushed to sleep with another mutual friend, which spawned a secret affair that ended pretty poorly, but that's a different story where I may or may not have been an asshole. Either way, I had feelings for S, not for the girl I slept with.
Things eventually ended for good between S and her ex (she found out he had slept with the same girl as me while he was still hooking up with S. The following summer (6 months later), I still had feelings for S. Another friend ended up peeing on the floor of the host's house, and was thus removed from the master bedroom. S and I were the only ones still awake, and so we ended up sharing the bed. Yet again, I was surprised by her initiating moves, after which we went on late night dates and fooled around a bit before we went back to school. I showed her that I still had grandiose feelings for her and she was flattered by them and didn't shoot them down in the moment. The night before she left for school we talked and she convinced me to stay "optimistic" because had feelings for me and said herself that she had been "taking my feelings seriously" for the last few weeks. I stayed optimistic.
That year at school was pretty rough for me. We stayed in pretty frequent contact and it appeared that her friends knew about our history after a few drunk calls were exchanged. However, it was clear that she was not saving herself like I had been assuming I should. I got drunk one night and had a one night stand with someone (maybe a bit of childish retaliation), but as I sobered up I realized that I had fucked up and legitimately sprinted away from the girl's dorm as I started to have a minor panic attack that I had inadvertently ruined my chances with the girl I had wanted for years.That year was when I broke down for the first real time in my life. I repeatedly went home for breaks and holidays to find that S was distant and not interested in any of the moves I made. At new years I had given up hope, only to receive a text from S saying she regretted that she hadn't spent the night with me. This threw me for a loop and I confronted her about leading me on with messages like that and the rejection that she offered when I pursued. She apologized for having led me on and told me that she did still have feelings but she still couldn't start anything with me because she "had ended things with \[her ex\] because of long distance" so why would I expect her to start anything long distance with me. Fair enough, I forgave her because I loved her and wanted her in my life.
I invited her to come to my school (much closer to our hometown than hers) for the night while she was on break. I took her to dinner and we spent the evening in each-others arms, but anytime I leaned in she pulled back. I confronted her and begged her to tell the truth. I explained that she meant too much to me to push her away but I was starting to crack and I couldn't keep taking it. Her self deprecation even tricked me into taking the blame from her and giving her a chance to tell me how she really felt. She told me she "wasn't a confident person" and that her hesitation had always been because she was afraid of rejection. I told her I loved her and wanted her more than anything. She kissed me and left, and we fell back into the same pattern as before.
The dissonance continued, flirtation and feelings of intimacy followed by swift nips in the butt when I acted in response to positive signals. Once, while sharing a bed with S and another of our close friends, I was in the middle and S reached for my hand, caressed it, kissed my knuckles and even put my finger in her mouth; I responded by leaning my lips towards hers (taking care not to move too much and wake the sleeping third party) and she pushed me a away and turned the other way and locked me out. I slept on the floor and left in the morning.
Finally, at the end of an emotionally taxing year of being too far away for her to commit, she returned home for the summer, and I was working at my college about an hour away from her. Suddenly all the promises that petered out could be acted upon and I finally had my chance to be with her. She bailed on visiting me every time she said would, and she was too busy any time I tried to visit. Realizing that "optimism" and the "when we are both in the same place" was a crock of shit, she still meant too much to me. I gave her yet another chance to come clean. She told me "the truth," that she had always had feelings for me but the distance was never going to become a non-issue. After all, she was going to be abroad for a year, and things hadn't worked out by that summer, so there was no way she could act on the feelings she had always had for me. She apologized for leading me on, and I accepted her apology.
TL;DR Fell in love in high school with a girl (S) who went on to spend a year in college leading me on with false promises of having a chance to be with her when were at home together for the summer. During this time she used me for the occasional attention then pushed me away when I made moves. Her excuses for turning me away changed over time; first, she wasn't confident enough to go for me, then she admitted she didn't have the courage to disappoint me again by telling me that we never had a chance because distance was too hard for her. Her entire apology, on her third chance to come clean to me rested on the fact that she 1. had feelings for me but 2. wasn't willing to start anything long distance.
At the end of that summer, I traveled to Rome for a semester abroad. S was also studying abroad, in York, England at the time. I was there for two months when one day, she was tagged in a post by a guy also from our hometown. The two went public that they were officially in a long-distance relationship, and had been since two weeks after the conversation where she "came clean" to me. After a year of doubting myself, thinking I was going crazy because of the mixed signals, having the only two panic attacks I have ever had because I was being fed lies and I couldn't do anything about it, I snapped. I reached out to her one last time and told her to go fuck herself, amid a myriad of other choice phrases. I spit on every memory I ever had with her, on all the years I spent trusting her as one of my closest friends, only to find that she lied to me to protect herself from criticism for her selfish behavior, as if I would never find out. I haven't spoken to her since, even though she did try to make amends, and feed me the "I never meant to hurt you" shit that I fell for several times before.
Our mutual friends were surprisingly supportive. I told them individually as it came up, but most of them acknowledged that I had to do what I had to do. Six months later, I was happier than I had been in over a year. Cutting the source of all my anxiety and feelings of isolation did wonders for me. When the time came to return for my senior year of college, one of the mutual friends invited me to her going away party. S was invited, and I told the host of the party that if S was going, I was sorry but I was not going to show up. The host implored me to reconsider, reminded me that I wouldn't see her for a long time, and guilted me into making an appearance. I arrived pretty early, and found my close knit group of friends (minus S) around a fire having a good time. I walked over and barely received a greeting from the lot of them, when half of them all looked at each other, then looked a
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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af2cep
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{
"description": "not wanting to go out of MY way for a SINGLE mother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA FOR NOT WANTING TO GO OUT OF MY(19M) WAY FOR A SINGLE MOTHER(22F)
|
I was Invited to go out tonight with a single mother from work and her friend. Now, for some backstory, I work with the single mother, but not the friend I don't know her at all, and I've been talking to her for 2 weeks now, and we've seen each other around for a few months. Where this is, is about 30 minutes away from me, and she wants to get some food then smoke up in a car and chill basically. Now I asked her if we could do anything after the fact, like potentially hookah because at that point I wasnt aware she was bringing her daughter. She states she has a daughter so obviously no, and I say well give me just a minute, let me look and see if I can find something to do, and you see if there's anything you can find, I would love to hang out, but I would rather not drive to your city, buy my own food, then smoke you and your friend out (which would've happened because earlier in the day she said her and her friend needed to buy some) can we do it closer or at my friends house, this friend being about the same distance I would have to drive there. She says that's not going to work, and that I am selfish for not accommodating her and her child. That it shouldn't matter what she contributes because friends don't care. Now I feel that's unfair, because I would have no problem driving out there, picking them up just like I normally would, but i just feel if I do this, then our friendship will be based solely off of my effort, and I've had many different friendships where it has been one sided and I don't want that. Now I like this person and don't want to end our friendship, but I feel like now there is a rift because I would like 50/ 50 effort, and if what I described was not 50/50 effort or if I should then please give me feedback. Thanks guys!
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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M3iBJcU3bVkw4C3FydD7HbArHIIGdOQI
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aw1etq
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{
"description": "telling my friend his compliments make me uncomfortable",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend his compliments make me uncomfortable?
|
So this happened about two weeks ago. I was really close with this one guy, we used to hang out a lot (online, bc he's from another country), watch films, play together etc. It was fun times and I really enjoyed hanging out with him.
However every now and then, pretty much every time we talked, he would just give me compliments and praise me, all out of nowhere. Saying things like "you're amazing" or praising my looks, giving me pet names or even saying "I love you" several times (sometimes followed by a message that would say "you're a great friend" or something similar).
Now don't get me wrong. It's extremely sweet of him and I was really flattered, however me being in a serious relationship with my boyfriend, I didn't really enjoy this kind of attention from another guy, even if he means it in a friendly way, it just didn't feel right. For weeks I've been thinking about telling him to stop, but didn't really wanna do it because I was scared it would affect the friendship, and I really liked having him as a friend. Then eventually after he unsurprisingly started giving me compliments out of nowhere during a conversation, I decided I'll try telling him. I tried doing it in the best way possible because I really didn't want to ruin the friendship, so I told him not to get me wrong, that he's a great guy and an amazing friend, but his compliments make me uncomfortable. He apologized and I told him there's no need to apologize, he doesn't have any bad intentions.
Aaand then I said I'd just like to keep the friendship without any misunderstandings, to which he replied "there are none, lol". A few minutes later he said he was a bit annoyed for me thinking his intentions were anything more than just friendly, he's a naturally affectionate person with his close friends and if he had wanted anything more, I'd know. Fast forward a few messages later, I apologized for bringing it up and annoying him, he apologized for making me uncomfortable aaand we haven't spoken ever since lol. He told me not to apologise, that there's nothing wrong with speaking my mind. But I do feel like it affected the friendship, which was the last thing I wanted.
So, AITA for speaking my mind?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ayvn1t
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{
"description": "sleeping with someone while seeing someone else",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for sleeping with someone while seeing someone else?
|
i have been seeing someone for almost a year now. we are not "official" and have a few conversations about why we aren't. he is afraid of commitment and how it would change his life and wants to be very sure the next time he commits to someone. besides this issue, we talk constantly, hang out frequently, and are best friends.
not too long before i met him (let's call him D), i met a man (who i will call A) on tinder. we have sex every now and then (maybe once every two months). he texts me if he wants to meet up, we hook up, we go on with our lives. A is not interested in a relationship with anyone and i am not interested in him beyond the sex we have.
my friends hear about D all the time. they have never heard about A because it's not a big deal to me. about a week ago, i went to pick up something i had left at my friend's house. i casually mentioned i was stopping by but not trying to hang out because i had somewhere to be after. this friend always needs to know 110% of everything so i ended up having to explain the existence of A. she was floored because not only did she not know i was hooking up with someone for a year, but also because she'd heard so much about D.
this friend texted our group chat about A and i had to explain to our other friends who A was. no one was surprised but one of them made the observation that i want D to commit to me yet i was sleeping with A.
D is very important to me. he is my best friend. however, i feel like since D doesn't want to be committed that i am free to date or have sex with whoever i want. A doesn't mean anything to me. if D wanted a relationship right now, i wouldn't talk to or do anything with A ever again. i had never had a problem with this line of thinking until a friend pointed it out and now i kinda feel like an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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ax9xjr
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{
"description": "asking my landlord for compensation if a broken window (from former tenant) is causing an insane heating bill",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my landlord for compensation if a broken window (from former tenant) is causing an insane heating bill?
|
I moved in to a 2 bedroom, ground level apartment last July. The apartment offers some great amenities that are hard to come by in my area: private backyard/deck, 2 parking spots, lots of storage. I realized soon after moving in that the cheap rent wasn’t too good to be true. My boyfriend and I have both lived in some pretty nasty student apartments, so we’re not high maintenance by any means but we have been frustrated with a few issues including black mold, leaking tub, leaking dishwasher, leaking ceiling, leaking sink, SPARKS coming out of outlets. You know, just small stuff.
These issues are pretty minor, but one that is not minor - the bathroom window is completely loose fitting and exposed to the outside. Fixing this was #1 on my list during the move in inspection.
We were reassured on multiple occasions that it would be replaced before winter came. After much nagging, in November - my landlord finally orders the window replacement. In January, it finally comes in. Now, 3 months later, he has been unable to get a contractor to come put it in. This is not surprising considering it’s been -15 degrees C and wet for since the new year.
Because of this, our power bill is absolutely ridiculous. I work from home, and despite sealing the window (DIY with recycling bags and duct tape) and bundling up, we cannot keep the place warm. Our power bill is more than our entire months rent, and is over 3x the regions average.
I emailed my landlord to ask if he would be willing to discuss some compensation for this issue, and he replied that he “was shocked” that I would ask for compensation. He argued that because our rent is less than the local average, that he permitted us a pet and generally that he has been ‘quick to fix other issues’ that he doesn’t owe us a discussion on the issue any further.
Sorry for the rambling, I’m good at that. Am I the asshole for asking him to take a bit off our rent when he has been slacking for 9 months???
TLDR; landlord didn’t replace window for 9 months, causing us to have a huge power bill. Will not discuss any compensation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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azh7r1
|
{
"description": "calling out sick & leaving no one to run the store",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out sick & leaving no one to run the store?
|
So for the past 3 days, my manager had been out sick with some sort of stomach bug. Then my coworker had it yesterday & called out. And now, apparently it's my turn. I was up last night feeling like death.
But, when I called out this morning, I found at that my coworker who called out yesterday called out again today, & everyone who's off today (my manager & 2 other girls) says they're busy...so no one is going to be running the store. And now I feel like an asshole. This is the first time I've ever called out of a job & I know it's warranted & that I deserve to get that right if others do & blah blah blah but now I just feel like such a dick. If I had known no one would be there today I would have just tried to get some rest last night and come in anyway. Should I just have gone in anyway when I knew no one was going to be there? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b6rd2l
|
{
"description": "taking the cat with me when I move out",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I took the cat with me when I move out?
|
I (23) was the one who wanted to adopt a cat and I’m the better well off, so I payed for all of her needs, including a cat tower because I like to spoil her. Me and the other 4 roommates take turns feeding her, but I’m the one who almost always cleans the litter box, which I’m okay with since I was the one who wanted a cat to begin with.
I want to move out to live with my partner soon, and now I’m questioning if I should take the cat with me after all (partner is OK with it).
Problem is, one of the roommates, Boots, moved in with us a year after we got Kitty, and they got pretty attached. Boots is the youngest among us (18) and they have severe anxiety and probably depression (they are seeing a therapist as of now). When we discussed me moving out and taking Kitty with me, Boots cried a little bit just thinking about it.
I wanna take Kitty with me because, honestly? I like my cat, and I’m somewhat worried they couldn’t afford keeping her as she has some dietary issues that require pretty expensive food and regular visits to the vet. But I’m honestly afraid Boots is gonna spiral into depression if I take her with me; they once “joked” that Kitty is one of the only reasons they have to live.
By now I think maybe Boots needs her more than I do; all the other roommates are OK with me taking Kitty.
WIBTA if I take the cat? Should I just keep helping my roommates pay for her expenses after I leave?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
4O7HZOHK7PAb99TBqwyEqA6NsjV6BxkN
|
9xm564
|
{
"description": "getting a second job",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting a second job?
|
Obvious answer is no... but based on how people are treating me I’m not so sure.
I have a very busy full time job and basically work 10-12 hours a day as well as 24/7 on call.
Despite this, I have some debt and really really want to take a vacation. I felt that it would take me too long to pay off my debt and save up so I decided to get a part time job.
It pays minimum wage and I work 8pm-12am from Monday to Friday.
This doesn’t leave me much time to hang out with friends or family and they are all starting to feel it. I have asked everyone for their support and explained that this will only take me about 6 months. I also do my best to fit them all in as much as I can (lunch dates during the day mostly). I try to keep my weekends free so that I can rest and recuperate. It doesn’t mean I can’t hang out on weekends, I’m just selective. This has led to some hard feelings and me being called out on being a bad friend or family member.
I’m honestly a little shocked at how unsupportive people have been. AITA? When I throw this question back at them when they suggest I am... they seem to all back-pedal and say things like “I just don’t understand why you need to do this, you make good money at job1 and are already strapped for time” or “you aren’t making enough of an effort to see me, this feels one-sided”.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
3bTOYfBek3qjQftFynFqwaSUb4ulR6XV
|
artlx8
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to act happy when we are out",
"pronormative_score": 45,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to act happy when we are out?
|
Boyfriend (27M) and I (27F) had an argument tonight after dinner. I had picked out a new restaurant I wanted to try a few months ago and he had okay'd the menu and agreed to try it out with me. I made the reservation and we showed up tonight. It was a 6pm reservation so they were busy. Less than 5 min into being seated he was annoyed already and was unhappy with me, partly because the waiter had not come over yet, the restaurant was packed and noisy, and partly because he just does not like leaving the house. I told him I had been looking forward to it, I dressed up, had pre-paid for dinner (set menu), and that this is my first time at the restaurant too and I cannot foresee the situation. I told him I just wanted a nice meal out with him since most days we stay at home while he plays video games and I entertain myself. I told him that I wanted him to have some patience with the restaurant and to just focus on me and talk to me for a few hours while we're out. And that by being upset he ruined the night for me too. His response was "Fine, go ahead, talk".
​
Anyways, dinner went by more or less uneventfully afterwards and when we got home, he knew I was sad and hugged me, and I started to tell him how I don't like how we pretty much just live together and don't talk and how he spends all his waking moments with his electronics. He said "but we spend all the time together". Yes, we sit side-by-side on the couch as he plays his video games and I'm on my laptop waiting to show him something funny I saw or share a story when he catches a break from one of the boss fights. His argument was this is because we are comfortable with each other so we don't always have to talk. I told him I didn't like him playing games that much but have to deal with it everyday because it's what he likes and he needs time to relax too. But I'm upset that every time I ask him to do something with me that I'd enjoy (trying new restaurants, going on a walk, etc) he agrees but puts on a "I hate this" face all time. And it kinda ruins the moment for me when I just want to spend more time together. His point was that we spend time together at home, and that I'm being unfair by asking him to act like he was enjoying doing these things when he clearly does not just for the sake of making me more comfortable. He now refuses to talk to me.
​
This was not the first time he was upset at a restaurant. In his defense, the services at the past few new restaurants that we've tried have been subpar and the wait was long (\~2 hours wait for the main course), but instead of just talking with me, he'd complain and tell me how shitty things are, how I have horrible taste in restaurant selections, and how it's a waste of money and we should've just stayed home. AITA for wanting him to do these things with me once in a while even when he doesn't enjoy it and not act out? Or should I just accept that we'll be couch buddies and let him be and find friends to go out with me instead so we don't run into this problem again? Thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 35,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 45,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
DE924PJGEQj62e9DmH6uzNQVsV5swFvi
|
b0r0v2
|
{
"description": "not mourning my bully's death",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not mourning my bully’s death?
|
Honestly, I do think I’m the asshole, but I can’t muster up any sadness about this girl’s death. Long story short, I was bullied in high school. This girl alternated between making fun of me for not having a cellphone or fashionable clothes, and ignoring me entirely. The entire 9th-12th grade class only had about 15 students (I went to a small school), and so it was super obvious that she was shunning me. She was also a conservative Christian, and she loved to insinuate that I was a sinner/ heathen because I was left-leaning and loved science fiction. I tried to be nice to her, but it never worked. This girl had some issues at home (she was adopted as an older child, and she had some trauma related to her birth family), and so I tried to give her a pass. However, her behaviour really hurt me.
Now: she got pregnant from a hookup right out of high school (very hypocritical; she used to shame girls at our school for not living “Christian lives.” I have nothing against sex, but you shouldn’t have a double standard for yourself and other people). Something went wrong during the birth, and she ended up dying. Is it bad that I don’t really care? She was a cruel, vain, hypocritical person, and her death is no great loss to the world. Should I feel sad? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 32,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 33,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
5Anp7BnbXGlgocrlZhmXrDsH5rOgVOx4
|
a6na8e
|
{
"description": "telling my family about the dna test results",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA for telling my family about the DNA test results?
|
A couple months back was my birthday, and my mother decided it would be fun to gift me a DNA test. I was very excited since I’ve always wanted to find out more about my heritage. Thing is, as far as my family was concerned, it was an open and shut case since we already had a pretty good knowledge of my father’s side of the family, and my mother was 100% sure she was ethnically... let’s say Eastern European. Anyway, I took the test and all was well.
Until today, when I received the results. My Eastern European heritage was significantly different from what we had anticipated, with almost 20% corresponding with an ethnical minority in my mother’s home country.
This got me thinking, could my mother’s family possibly have miscalculated the percentage of “pure-bloodedness”? 20% is far too much to just be a miscalculation, right? Then I remembered that my mother’s father was hospitalized for several years following a stroke, and my mother was born shortly (too shortly) after his release, thirteen years after her sister. My mother also looks nothing like her father, and has very dark features.
All this has led me to believe that my only living relative, my very elderly maternal grandfather, may in fact not be my mother’s father.
Instinctively I don’t want to ruin my grandfather’s life, but doesn’t he deserve to know? My mom will have an identity crisis for sure.... What the hell do I do???
WIBTA for telling them the truth??
TL;DR: Mother’s biological father probably isn’t her father.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
vY7IC18b1WahhxbFZ8SGhGOuWOpHmtsD
|
aq9gwx
|
{
"description": "siding with my friend more or less against \" pc society\"",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for siding with my friend more or less against " PC society"?
|
I've known this guy for 3 years so far and he has a habit of seeking attention by initiating conversations with uncomfortable topics. Let's call him A.
He reminded me of myself in 8th grade. I was an edgy idiot who lived for every opportunity to play devil's advocate and frequently shitposted on 4chan's /b/ board. I think he was a /pol/ denizen (as he calls himself and middle eastern people sandniggers). He tells me he's not racist on the basis that he hates everyone and thinks some groups are worse than others in certain aspects. His definition of racism is that there must be a belief of superiority. My definition is that there must be a belief of hierarchy, I just believe that his version is just a negative hierarchy. I.e. everyone starts at zero and certain groups just go further below zero. E.g. "niggers" are different from and below "black people". All "niggers" are black but not all black people are niggers. Yes he said this.
I wanted to help him dig himself out of what I perceived to be a hole.
Two years ago, I defended him when he wanted to discuss the etymology of the word "niggardly" with a black student in a designated African-American themed house on campus, by giving him the benefit of excusing this attention seeking behavior with probable autism. Although I don't blame the student for reporting this, I think it was knee jerk. However, he was within his full right because A was a guest in his room. I believe this was their first real and direct interaction as A and I totally go to the room to hang out with his roommate Max or Christian. My backing didn't help much as he was removed from the house and was issued a no-contact directive.
However, his next living arrangement was with a Jewish student that straight up lied to get him out of the room. I explained the situation when he asked why A was moving into the room. He was welcoming at first and offered me a beer once I complimented his choice of beer/talked about stouts, but rescinded the offer in a snarky way once he learned I was not 21. I think it was a dick move, but I dont hold it to him as I wouldn't want to jeopardize graduation in year 3 uni either. He claimed that one of our (A and I) friends was smoking in the room.(against university housing rules, but I believe her when she says she didn't) He claimed that the room was a mess. (We were moving his stuff in so things were on the floor and in boxes) The last accusation was that A made a racially charged statement. (Saying "Oh you're a Jew?" when it was made apparent) For me that's a grey area because it totally sounds like something A would say, but intonation is key and determines whether or not it is derogatory. I chose to back my friend up regardless because of the other lies that this person made. Apparently he also filed a police report that couldn't be found when A and I looked for the records.
The end result was that A was moved to a single room and then given a higher bill because it's a single room. I helped him fight that too because he didn't sign up for it.
Later that same year, he shows up to a BLM protest (that I was helping out with) with the intention of asking questions because he was "invited"(in my opinion he wasn't). He was just left on the African-American house's email list so he was sent an email inviting him to the protest that also had tons of information. When he showed up, he is recognized by the student as well as a TA (she was a little nutty but fell into his conversational traps in class e.g. got mad to the point of unprofessionalalism) and called a racist. They try to kick him out, non-violently of course, via collective body pushing. At this moment, he throws our mutual friend under the bus and says that she is associated with him which leads to her being kicked out too.
My roommate asks me to get him out, but I'm too late. On the way home I'm extremely mad and agitated while I explain to him that this wasnt the right thing to do. He defends his actions with the email invitation. Our friend is emotionally distraught and ends up punching him in the face that night. We both believe he showed up to get punched by a protestor, spencer style. Technically he got what he wanted. However, he didn't report her to the police no matter how many times she told him to. After this, he filed a police report against his TA but I don't think anything came of it. Don't quote me on that.
I live with him now, but he doesn't believe he's autistic. I think he toned down the frequency of his trouble some conversation habits and 4chan browsing. He has a girlfriend without a green card so he stopped taking about immigration/makes fun of people getting deported less. He also toned down on self-deprecating racist jokes about the middle east as his girlfriend is vocally bothered by them. They're both middle-eastern. However, he still occasionally comes to me with things that he thinks I'll get heated about. Our mutual friend steve acknowledges that A does this to him too.
E.g. asking me "do you think that milk is racist?" while fully knowing that a group of racists on /pol/ tried to make the act of aggressively drinking milk on front of black people a racist gesture. My answer if you care is along the lines of, "if you do it to be racist, its racist".
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
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}
|
WRONG
|
vqYE4dcqLYrY5XjmlBNX5ckWDveSmtUh
|
aa36et
|
{
"description": "reporting a city vehicle that took a parking space I was waiting for",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for reporting a city vehicle that took a parking space I was waiting for?
|
Today I was at the post office waiting for this guy to pull out of a spot. He took his time and as he finally began to pull out a city vehicle pulled right in and took it. The driver didn’t have a blinker on, he sped right into it a little too fast, and he clearly wasn’t looking where he was going. He just took the spot. To boot, he parked half way in a transit bus zone with the truck’s ass sticking over (it was a city street). There was plenty of room to pull ahead but nope, he cut me off, parked, and got out and walked away. I didn’t want to fight it out so I pulled away. As I did I noticed it was a city-owned vehicle, specifically an “Inspectional services” vehicle with city plates.
I reported it to non-emergency because of the somewhat erratic and careless driving and not so much b/c he took a spot I was waiting for (though that burned me) but more because it’s a city vehicle being unsafe on the road. So am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QszCkyp4YzR9YbSo0p40rnGSsTfckHrk
|
aqzo3p
|
{
"description": "only only inviting close family to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for only only inviting close family to my wedding?
|
For some background: I am getting married this year which is awesome. What is not awesome is choosing who to invite. We are having our reception on a yacht so we are limited on how many guests can come. It's not like at a reception hall where you can just add another chair. When they say this is the maximum they meant it. Plus we really wanted a smaller and intimate wedding. So we have our lists for both my side and his already planned for months.
I am not close to all my extended family. I didnt get a long with all of them growing up. Rarely saw or spoke to them. There are just some fundamental differences between us. To me that's fine. I dont need a personal relationship with someone just because we are blood related. So there were a lot I didnt invite. I would rather spend my time and money on people I love.
I did invite my favourite uncle who I'm extremely close to but I didnt invite his kids. I just cant be around them. I think he understands that as we've always fought like cats and dogs. He did mention my aunt was waiting for her invite too. Which is where things get complicated. I invited my favourite cousins but not their parents because we dont get along and their father has always been that creepy uncle. So although for my aunt her brothers, her mother, some of her kids, and some of her grandkids are coming she was not invited. However I didnt invite some of my dad's other siblings and some of my other cousins, so it's not like she is the only one. I also didnt invite a lot of my mother's family either. Both side are literally too big it would put us over our limit and that's without my fiance's family.
I'll be honest part of it is that there will be children and I never felt comfortable around him as a kid. My parents kept us separated from him as kids. As an adult I wont have him around kids. They are a packaged pair. I also caught her snooping through my bathroom once when she visited, which left a sour taste in my mouth.
So am I an asshole for only inviting the family I'm close to?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
NxXlXo18SGnwNKdr3xJlT1VGKINxgyaq
|
ayv7m7
| null |
AITA "UNWELCOME IN MY OWN HOME"
|
This happened today and I am still working over it in my head. I work from 9 to 5 every day of the week and sometimes I get a little extra time at lunch (usually like an hour or so). Well the past two times I have gone home to visit my wife at lunch and spend some afternoon time with her. From what she has told me after today (she mentioned it last time but I brushed it off as her just having a bad day) she doesnt like it because it interrupts her schedule... So after talking she admited it was an issue on her part and that I need to call her before coming home. Keep in mind this is my apartment too and I pay all of the bills and she only works 2 days a week. I (in admittedly not my best moment) told her very bluntly that I shouldnt have to call to say I was coming home for lunch in my own house. And that how she was acting was making me feel unwelcome at home.
She didn't take this well and cried and I cuddled her and told her I loved her very much. And she calmed down and was happy again. But honestly I'm still upset.
If it helps y'all she has an anxiety disorder and when she has issues she tends to lash out verbally and passive aggressively. We got into a shouting match today because I snapped first but that was only because of the stress that she has been putting on me with making me feel unwelcome.
So am I the asshole for telling her how I feel and saying her actions make me feel un-welcome? Also, am I the asshole for coming home at lunch?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 15,
"INFO": 5
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
9m4eyoC37zv4pKcUcZsxPWJo4DM0etfl
|
ahf1ec
|
{
"description": "getting mad when my ex best friend ditched me for an asshole",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad when my ex best friend ditched me for an asshole?
|
So it all started in June last year when I broke up with my online boyfriend of 4 months. I was friends with a guy from Philadelphia at the time (I'll refer to him as E for anonymity's sake). I did not view him as much more than a friend, so when it came out a month or so after my online relationship that he liked me in a more than friends way, I said I didn't like him like that, but that I wanted to continue being friends with him. Also, I'm from Southern England, so even if I did like him that way, time zones and other complications would have made such a relationship hard to maintain. He would portray himself as a nice, nerdy type of guy most of the time (though in reality, he's a discount Joji type fuckboy). However, I soon caught wind that E was salty about me rejecting him, saying that I was ugly (rating me a 4/10) and that I made him insecure. After several months of this and him trying to get me to pity him, I block him, which ended the friendship.
Next I did what any girl would do and vent to her best friend (we'll call her T). I vent to T about the things he had said to me and she initially showed support. Also at the time, she was going to New York on holiday. However, it would later turn out that she got with E behind my back whilst they were in New York. I get mad because I had told her what E was like towards me, and she starts to defend him.
Both E and T also start to bully me, mainly in the form of slut-shaming. They said (though this is only a sample of it) that I was becoming an escort, would end up becoming a single mother with STDs, and basically implied I had slept with every guy I met at Uni (if anyone is interested, I've only slept with 3 men and properly had intercourse with 1). This was despite T having called herself a slut in the past. T had also told E about my private stuff and sent him photos of me "by accident". I get mad at them for this.
At the same time, I also start seeing a guy who I'll call A. A little bit of information about A for context: We were acquainted with each other prior to seeing each other, and he's Jewish (this will come handy in a minute). I had told T about him, excited that a guy was finally taking an interest in me. Upfront, she seemed interested. But behind my back, her and E would talk trash about him, calling him ugly, gross, and implied he was only using me for sex. Their evidence: him not being online much during the Shabbat period. E also made comments about his appearance, calling him a “pajeet looking motherfucker" and "forehead so big it's got its own phone code". T's dislike for A was tame compared to E's dislike for A.
E believes that Jews were responsible for communist regimes that murdered countless civilians (including members of his own family) in countries that were once part of French Indochina. So therefore, E started going on an anti-Semitic tirade. I get continue to get mad about it. T was silent throughout all of it, so I confront her about her silence, which she remained silent on.
So that's it. Fellow Redditors, am I an asshole for reacting like this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ZU94XSUjchx4wcmBdy0NRpoqfpOFTJ8i
|
au0bxq
|
{
"description": "avoiding my cousin",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for avoiding my cousin
|
Sorry about the formatting i’m on mobile. anyways here’s some backstory. My cousin and i used to play video games almost everyday. I never was into it as much as she was, but we still had a fun time. We are both in the same grade and go to the same high school. There are these popular kids that are in are grade and they asked me to go see a movie with them. I said sure and that kinda turned into me hanging out with them everyday.
My cousin had dm me on instagram asking to play the video games we used to. I said no and she said ok. That’s when I thought everything was fine. But no. We used to sit together at lunch but the popular people asked me to sit with them so i did! My cousin doesn’t have that many friends, (she is a pretty quiet person) But she told me before that sometimes she liked sitting alone.
Fast forward a week and I haven’t sat next to her or anything, I kind of wanted to forget all about her but that wasn’t gonna happen sadly. She dm me again and tells me what’s your problem? I tell her to stop contacting me because she’s being annoying. She leaves me on read, but at school she try’s to talk to me and I walk away. (that isn’t bad right) She dm me again and says why did you ignore me?
I tell her to leave me the f—- alone, she reply’s be calling me a bitch and now we don’t speak. I really don’t think I am in the wrong. But you guys tell me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
kwRwmBACrYd10oUnMNgG4hEtpFs06Wjd
|
9uw63w
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend that I don't want him enlisting as a Marine",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For telling my boyfriend that I don’t want him enlisting as a Marine?
|
My boyfriend of four years is trying to decide if he wants to enlist in the Marines. He says it’s for our future, and I know there’s a lot of benefits, but I feel like we can’t build a life if he’s not here. He says that deployments could be a year long if not more. That’s a LONG time. We currently live with his family and have settled down here. I can’t pay rent anywhere else right now so essentially I’d be living with his family while he’s in the military.
I’ll miss him like crazy. I know I’m supposed to be supportive and not hold him back. He says he doesn’t want to be 50 and look back and regret not doing something meaningful. I get that, I do. He’s always needed to strive for greatness while I’m just content with our little life. Telling him no would mean keeping him from reaching his full potential. If I tell him to go go for it, though, he won’t just be signing his soul away for 4-6 years- he’ll be selling mine too.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Th0Md5XKmLwvvb8m9mJPQMNHZ7fGnoFE
|
b2rz59
|
{
"description": "stuffing used tissues into my clothing",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for stuffing used tissues into my clothing?
|
My wife and I have been together for 4 years, married for about 6 months. I love her to death, and would not be where I am without her. That being said...
My wife has a terrible habit of using a tissue/Kleenex, stuffing it into her pants or hoodie pocket, and then forgetting to take them out. Whenever I do laundry (I always do it because I am very particular about it), I constantly find shredded tissues dispersed all over the fresh laundry from the dryer. I have asked her politely numerous times (12-15 times at least), but it seems to go in one ear and out the other.
Recently, I decided to take these shredded pieces of tissue and stick them back into her clothing. I will put it in her sleeves, jean pockets, hoods on hoodies, etc. She recently found this out and claims that I am indeed an asshole. I think I have given her well more than enough opportunities to fix her habit.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
RJBl7ZnRnq7VL4Nduzj37MmsS9jwZXSO
|
axo2km
|
{
"description": "kicking two people from a D&D group",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for kicking two people from a D&D group?
|
First some background, me and my friends are in a D&D group with me as the DM.
Our main characters:
Dwarven: I have known him throughout my whole life and have frequently had problems with him, but we always seemed to stick together regardless. He & his girlfriend were kicked from first campaign due to poor attendance and disruptive behavior
Snakeman: A socially awkward and generally negative acquaintance. I’ve been told by mutual friends that he has creepy tendencies towards some of the girls we’ve known, but I have never seen this firsthand.
Snakeman tends to be argumentative and he conflicts with the rest of the group enough that I have to step in. Example: I was giving out free bonuses that two players had to share between themselves, Snakeman approached a newer player and told him what bonus to choose with him rather than asking him. He and this player often got into arguments, and I know the other player is a very nice person. I talk to Snakeman about his attitude in game and he says he will try to fix it.
I get a job working next to Dwarven and slowly start to open up about D&D again, he says he understands why he was kicked out though we still argue a bit when I tell him that I stand by me decision even though i regret the way I did it (essentially ghosted him). He blames most of the problems I had with him on his character and his now ex-girlfriend. I decide to give him another chance and he is invited back to next campaign, but continues being slightly disruptive.
The situation:
One session passes after my talk with Snakeman and my other friends still don’t get along with he and Dwarven. A lot of talking behind Dwarven and Snakeman’s back occurs, and I find myself having to defend their behavior even though I don’t really support it. Now, my motivation to play the game is dropping as I’m playing equal parts Dungeon Master and mediator between all of my friends.
Eventually, I decide that I just want to play the game without drama and decide to kick Dwarven and Snakeman from the group as I am closer friends with the others. So, I call a mandatory meeting, and I call each player into a seperate room for a one on one talk where I tell them if they are staying or leaving to avoid group conflict.
Dwarven leaves without another word, slamming my door on the way out and ghosting me at work for weeks. He leaves our discord group.
Snakeman understands but is saddened. My friend takes this to another level and kicks him from our discord group, to which he messages me asking to be let back in. I answer honestly, saying that I don’t have the powers to do so but that I would if I could. My friend refuses to budge and claims that we are better off without him.
I have been running the game with much more ease since and all my friends are happy with the decision, but I still feel really bad, mostly for Snakeman. Am I the asshole? A lot happened and I couldn’t fit all the info so let me know if you need more.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
M9MYyhA1smSQH0fJLwiZsv1B1mTHTB73
|
b3ehjf
|
{
"description": "ratting out a relapsed alcoholic who had been in AA",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ratting out a relapsed alcoholic who had been in AA?
|
This happened a few months ago but I still think about it.
I was on my way home from the grocery store when I happened upon the very immediate aftermath of a one-car accident. Like, it really had happened moments before I came over the crest of a hill and I probably would’ve heard it if I hadn’t been jamming out to some music. A guy veered off the road and into a tree, head-on. When I pulled over the guy was still in the car, airbags deployed and everything. This was on a road with a lot of tight bends and hills and it had been raining all day so at first glance it seems like he hydroplaned and lost control.
Two other people in addition to myself had pulled over. They’re helping the guy out of the car while I’m calling 911. The driver is the only person in the car. The driver gets out and seems pretty disoriented. Understandable. This section of the road is pretty sparsely populated so I walk a few yards away from the scene to try to find a mailbox with a house number or a cross street to give the 911 dispatcher a more precise location. While I’m still on the phone, one of the people who also stopped came over to tell me she saw the driver throwing empty beer cans from his car into the woods. It didn’t occur to me to tell the dispatcher.
When the dispatcher lets me go I return to the immediate scene and see for myself that the driver is indeed slinging empties from his car into the woods. He also starts to talk to me, which is the source of my moral dilemma. He tells me that he’s been in AA and he’d been doing really well, that he was in AA for the sake of his kids who he loves very much. He’s not totally plastered but it’s pretty evident that he’s been drinking. He keeps repeating that he made a big mistake. He’s crying a lot. I feel...really bad for him, honestly.
So a few cops roll up and take over the situation. Since I didn’t see the accident actually happen, they let me go. An officer walks me to my car which was about ten yards up the road from the scene. As we walk I’m grappling with whether I should tell the officer what I saw. When we get to my car I pull him aside and tell him I saw him trying to get rid of beer cans and that I suspect he’s drunk. Officer thanks me and says he’ll look into it. And I go home.
So...am I the asshole for ratting this guy out? I guess the cops would’ve figured it out anyway, but when he was telling me that he’s been in the program and trying to better himself it really broke my heart. I dunno.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
fZYoWZDz7DehRujTi8e0MdDqY7q917Xb
|
a9zifu
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang out with a girl when there is no chance between us",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang out with a girl when there is no chance between us?
|
So, just so you know, both me and this girl are new in this city, we met through this event for new people to meet people. Anyway, I've known her for about 5 months now, we hang out almost daily and last month I started getting feelings for her. They grew stronger and I told her. She rejected me, but still wants to stay friends, but I honestly don't want to stay friends, even if it means both of us end up alone, since neither of us really know anyone else in this city. I don't wanna make a big fuss out of it, and I'm not gonna blow up on her or nothing, I just don't want to associate with her at all anymore, whatever that implies to her. Is this okay, or am i an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
AnYFam3uxZ6hzbM4u9WIIY2VWbEqqGqr
|
alhxkf
|
{
"description": "asking someone to take the place of someone in our organization's leader team",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for asking someone to take the place of someone in our organization's leader team?
|
I'm in an LGBTQ organization for students at my college. There's someone in an officer position that's been a terrible person to most of our officer base. This is a completely unpaid student organization. This will not impact anyone's livelihood.
Context:
-They are the only straight officer and they're known for making super inappropriate jokes about race and sexuality. When confronted they refuse to apologize, and continue making jokes at our expense.
- They blew up on the group chat one night calling an officer a bitch for asking why they were opening the conversation aggressively. At the meeting they called us to because of this they said we ignored them when they brought up issues, but every time they did it was as a joke.
- On multiple occasions this person has spoken to our members and told them that other officers don't deserve their positions
-Some of us are physically threatened by them and it's to the point where we dont want to bring up issues.
They have never apologised for anything they've done. When we being up serious issues to this straight person who's thrown slurs at someone and tells our officer base that we "look too queer to talk to administration", all we get is "oh okay" or "alright".
This person claims that they will try harder but theres been no change and recently they jumped way over our heads to start talking to some people outside of the school without our permission.
I want to talk to a member of the organization to see if they'd run against this person at our upcoming election. The dude technically does their job but they make everyone super uncomfortable and multiple people want to quit because of their presence.
Would I be an asshole to try to ask a member if our organization to take this spot?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
2kCzi9MvPKKCOyz8f9EAlzOr7u5UFHw7
|
ayf23b
|
{
"description": "not wanting kids at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 40,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting kids at my wedding?
|
Im engaged and after seeing how the younger kids of my relatives have acted at previous weddings I’d rather not have any kids that aren’t in 5th grade or above present at my wedding
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 40,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
lMqibQKHOpFlc7yLFnQMNEBjerhsvxGC
|
arve4z
|
{
"description": "paying for my outdoor cats vet bills and still keeping them outside",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for paying for my outdoor cats vet bills and still keeping them outside?
|
Asking for myself because I go back and forth in my head. These outdoor cats are my little workers. They hunt mice from my barn and property which keeps the chickens safe and give me all types of joys. I bring them in for 3/12 months in the winter when it's really cold and whenever they feel like taking a nap inside (basically never). About once a year something goes wrong with them and I take them to the vet usually dropping 1-2k or so. This money could be better spent on humans in my life and community. Cats could easily transition to indoor ones as they're all terribly friendly despite loving the outside.
​
AITA for still putting them outside after they recover for my own use?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
kfM7JYWOT4wfHaTEBNMb3PwAo4XlqRdi
|
apjwo7
|
{
"description": "filling out doctor paperwork during training at my job",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for filling out doctor paperwork during training at my job?
|
I had a short training session with two colleagues at work last week. Someone from the home office came in to show us how to use a program that is necessary for our jobs. I paid attention during the training. I made a couple notes of things that I did not understand to follow up on and asked questions on those at the end. At the same time, I was filling out intake paperwork for a medical appointment that I had a half-hour after the training ended. When the training was over (early) I left immediately to go to my doctor. I didn't think anything of it at the time.
Today, one of the colleagues in the training with me said that I had been rude to the presenter because they had 1) driven to give us the training and 2) asked questions at the end on things that had already been explained. I pointed out that I had not understood when the information was first presented so was asking clarifying questions. My colleague still said I was being rude. This training is mandatory for my job, so the presenter would have had to give it to us no matter what and they were the one who chose to drive instead of having us come to the main office (about a twenty minute commute).
My colleague is about six years younger than me and this is their first full-time job. It is not mine. We started about the same time. I wonder if they are overreacting because of their newness to the position. They also said that the presenter "noticed," though I don't know if that means they made any comments and I did not ask.
TL;DR -- I filled out medical intake paperwork during a training presentation and my colleague (who was in the presentation with me) thinks I was being rude. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
jmzNgpOAHdwPhrc61fdjPVt1ySqqjsdb
|
b7e3bt
|
{
"description": "dumping my GF cause she had a kid from a previous relationship she never told me about",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for dumping my GF cause she had a kid from a previous relationship she never told me about?
|
So about 4 months ago, I was dating this girl for about 10 to 11 months. Me and her were getting along fine, but it seemed a little weird that she always wanted to come to my house but never me go to hers. I soon found out that she had a son from a previous relationship that she had been hiding from me for nearly a year. I thought about it over night and decided to break up with her because my thinking was if she was hiding this from me what else could she be hiding. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
hWOjXJlECRsAKPnCsnIjKrLRzgkOJPGH
|
aivinh
|
{
"description": "not giving a homeless man money",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving a homeless man money?
|
While I was walking to my college's dining hall my roommate, his friend and I were stopped by a homeless man asking us for money for insulin I believe? We told him we didn't have any money (as our meals were covered by the college due to our meal plan). But he just asked us again alot more persistently before he was rejected again by my roommate. I don't usually keep cash on me as its just so easy to loose. But anyway later on, I was coming in from working on a project for class and I was stopped again by the same man. I don't think he remembered me even though it was only a couple hours ago previously. His story was alot more fleshed out saying that it would only take 19.75 at the local pharmacy. He pointed towards an ATM and said he was willing to beg on the ground for it. Again, I don't keep my wallet on me while I'm on campus since my school ID can get me anything here. I said again that I don't have any money and he said once again the price of it and that there was an ATM right in the building next to us (another school building). I decided to just to say that I don't get paid until next week, that was a lie. I don't even work. But that didn't even phase as he asked me one more time. I felt really, really, really bad. I could've just went into my dorm and get my wallet and take out 20 dollars to give him. I really could've but I didn't. Am I the asshole for not giving a homeless man money for insulin?
TLDR: A homeless man asked me for money multiple times for insulin and everytime I told him no.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
0juuoqs1TVKcZ0hwUOedtfexT9Uj2aBq
|
ahn3yd
|
{
"description": "telling my parents to keep it down",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if i told my parents to keep it down?
|
This happens once, maaaaaaaybe twice a month but i hear it.
The dreaded sounds you never wish to hear coming from your parents room.
Intercourse.
The walls in our house arent sound proof, but the wall between my room and theirs is so thin that i can hear them fluff out/move their duvet on their bed or flick their lightswitch for their bedroom. Let alone.... other sounds.
Dont get me wrong, i dont care that they do.... things, but like every other person in the world I DONT WANNA HEAR IT PLEASE. I kinda live with regret because i wont get mad if they do it at a time im supposed to be (but never am) asleep but when they do it when im awake? And they know im awake? Like christ...... Thats when i have issue.
Tldr: WIBTA if i told my parents to keep down the unholy noises (or at minimum ask if they could check if im in my room during reasonable hours?)
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
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