id
stringlengths 32
32
| post_id
stringlengths 6
6
| action
dict | title
stringlengths 4
300
| text
stringlengths 0
10.8k
| post_type
stringclasses 2
values | label_scores
dict | label
stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores
dict | binarized_label
stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
BAtlwWSc8WuAlDwMYjn1MmobajhdOFJw
|
aqflem
|
{
"description": "wanting to tell our College President about my girlfriends professors behavior",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to tell our College President about my girlfriends professors behavior?
|
On mobile sorry and will add tl;dr.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over three months but have known each other for a couple months prior. She is an education major and her professors are insane. Today one of them quoted an article of some sort in which she dropped the N word with a hard r. Not once but multiple times and made everyone uncomfortable. The other professor constantly brings up political issues and will debate them amongst other students instead of teaching. Along with this she will discuss grades of other students and students present in class aloud in the open. She also has harassed and been publicly degrading towards other students.
When I first heard about this and as more info I got, I got pretty enraged because this is just ridiculous. Over dinner my girlfriend told me more stories and I just had it. I told her as soon as I could I would be telling the College President. We are a small college and I can openly walk into her office anytime. My girlfriend because visibly upset and pleading me not to because it was her career on the line. I explained that she would never be mentioned nor could anyone ever know it was her who told other people. I even said if they did they’d be even more in trouble. Instead she of quite upset at me for wanting to rat her out.
So am I the asshole here for wanting action to be taken? The department chair of education here sees nothing wrong as well.
Tl;dr: Girlfriends professors drop n word with hard r and other brings up political debates and harasses other students. I want to tell President but girlfriend thinks I’ll ruin her career.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
lflu8CQbK7wmzmPFk3G7w7CfMJfNLkp7
|
aolqpm
|
{
"description": "swearing and \"threatening the life\" my boyfriends coworker after I told her not to touch my hair. she did anyways",
"pronormative_score": 134,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for swearing and "threatening the life" my boyfriends coworker after I told her NOT to touch my hair. She did anyways.
|
**I wasn't actually going to kill her.**
Strangers touching your hair is something that people with natural hair gotta deal with all the time. I've been experiencing it since I was a little kid. I'm not a dog and I don't want to be pet. Regardless, no one likes being touched without their permission. Especially when they get all in your face. It ruins your hair and it's gross. I've been experiencing it since I was a little kid. I'm 19 now. It's an invasion of space and privacy. Honestly, it's more than just about hair and space for a lot of us. But I won't get into that.
My boyfriend's work had a cute little winter party thing that you could invite guests too. One of the people I met was a coworker of his who was definitely a little weird (with how she dressed and acted). Not that there's any wrong with being different. She's her own person, and I respect that.
She told me she loved my hair and reached out to touch it. I just backed away and told her not to do it. She apologized and I smiled at her and told her it's all good.
So at this party there's snacks and everything. She keeps on trying to sneak up to touch my hair. And each time I dodge her and tell her to chill out. I told her that I was being serious and not to touch me. Then she said "It's so fluffy, I'm gonna die" and STUCK HER CHEETO DUST, BLACK FINGERNAILS IN MY FUCKING HAIR.
So I said "Bitch you just might, if you don't get your dirty ass hands off me". She looked like she was going to cry and just walked away. She left the party. I didn't feel bad about it, I told her multiple times. My bf thought it was funny and we moved on.
Fast forward to the next time he's at work. And everyone is talking about his crazy girlfriend who threatened to kill one of the coworkers. His manager called him in and asked him not to invite me to anymore events. The girl is apparently very "sweet and harmless" and didn't know any better because she's just "off".
If she does have a developmental disability (btw "off" is a terrible way to describe it) I WOULD FEEL HORRIBLE. But as for as boyfriend is concerned, she's just strange. But these things aren't disclosed to other employees
He still stands by me, but his coworkers are talking about how I'm crazy and "tried to kill her" and the situation still. Making work annoying for him. I doo feel bad that I made work annoying for him and I think I should have controlled myself more for her sake. But he stands by me, because I did tell her.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 133,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 134,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
RIGHT
|
qKZYWbPBIRJVB0FFUZmKLHFsN2VSpGaK
|
a7bd34
|
{
"description": "calling my wife out",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling my wife out?
|
I'll do my best to keep this simple and unbiased.
Our cat is old and in poor health. One of her important meds was running out, and my wife did research and found a place to order it online. We used my name and email, but her phone number, at her insistence.
Meds ran out, and she got a bit mad at me for not keeping on top of the order. Made a big deal about how clearly she'll need to be in charge of this. On the website, it just said it was stuck on the "prescription filled" phase for 2 days.
Yesterday, she called me, upset, having finally gotten a hold of them on the phone. She says that they claim they tried to call her about an issue with the order, she says she never got any calls. I call them, angry and certain that they're screwing us around.
Lady at the company insists that she's called several times, and mentions that the name on the voicemail wasn't mine (wife didn't take my name, also she rarely answers the phone). I figure that she's unlikely to know that if she didn't call, apologize, and resolve the order. They just needed $4 to ship it refrigerated.
Head home. Wife left her phone on the counter, and I know that she's lied to my face before, so I check her voicemail. It's an iPhone, takes 2 seconds to see multiple voicemails from the company there.
I ask if she's sure they never called her. She says "definitely." I ask if I can take a look, and she gets defensive. I tell her I saw the voicemails myself, and she flips through her phone and begrudgingly admits that there are voicemails.
I apologized for checking her phone. She won't apologize for telling me to call the company and raise a stink (when they did nothing wrong) and now insists that she just didn't see the voicemails. It takes 2 seconds to do this, and she had been worried and stressing about this med.
I feel like she didn't check her voicemail all week, got sheepish when she called them and they told her they'd been trying to reach her, and blamed the company so she wouldn't look bad. I just wish she'd stop insulting my intelligence and admit it.
Reasons why I'm IATA: checking her phone, putting her on the spot catching her in a lie, not just letting it go.
Reasons why SITA: lying to me, putting me in a bad position, not acknowledging the above. If someone claims that my wife is lying, I'd rather be able to get indignant than think "well, maybe she is."
Reasons why EITA: this sounds petty when I write it out. Trust is just really important to me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
LclKZoxaZk0dES7GG7o6ZALa2IADrAON
|
avnlje
|
{
"description": "ruining my Alcoholic/Addict from potential relapse after being 90 days sober",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I ruin my Alcoholic/Addict from potential relapse after being 90 days sober?
|
The Alcoholic-Addict (37M) in my life has graduated from a 45 day rehabilitation program(second round in rehab) and is now 90 days sober.
I am a huge cannabis advocate and have been smoking for more then half my life (29F)
His 12 step program in NA is totally against any kind of mind altering substance.
We have been struggling with out relationship for five years, have been together for eight in June of this year.
The mental and physical abuse didn’t begin until the second year of our relationship. Fear last long then love.
Now that Fate has been able to allow me the choice to distance myself from him, I took full advantage and moved back home to my parents house about an hour and a half away. I have been visiting him and our two dogs (my dogs) on the weekends. We are trying to move forward but I’m having a really hard time forgiving him for the years of neglect, abuse and insults.
When I picture my future he is not in it.
He is now ready to start a family and won’t stop asking me when I’m going to be moving back in with him.
I’m just waiting to build the courage to let him and my two wonderful dogs go.
Am I the Asshole for wanting to hit a delete button on our eight year relationship and say goodbye to my dog after he has gone through so much to better himself? And after we have gone through so much heart ache?
Thank you
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QBU5eJABSB1XnAkT7SHKZYJjxHIPrsAI
|
az4ayv
|
{
"description": "reclining my plane seat without asking the person behind me first",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for reclining my plane seat without asking the person behind me first?
|
Just yesterday, I was called rude for not asking the people behind me if I could recline my seat on a 3 hour flight. I fell asleep early in the flight and about halfway through, I groggily reclined my seat a bit in attempt to get more comfortable and the person behind me proceeded to push my chair over and over while the lady next to him encouraged him to keep doing so because apparently his legs are too long. At the end of the flight, I confronted them about it and said they could have asked me nicely to put my chair up. The guy tried to excuse himself by saying he was just trying to get comfortable. After I already turned around and sat back down, his travel companion tapped my shoulder to tell me that I was the rude one for not asking before reclining my seat because the guy is six feet tall. (How would I have known that?) I tried to say that it was still rude of them to push my chair like that, and after some back and forth, she finally settled on her judgement that "we were both in the wrong." I still feel wrongly accused since I have never heard of asking for permission to recline a seat. However, I guess that would be a polite thing to do, so does it make me an asshole for not asking?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
RIGHT
|
3nQyXLxpC4x4sg9sD7qsC6HjOkz1rF80
|
aul23z
|
{
"description": "not holding up my offer to pay half of girl's rent",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not holding up my offer to pay half of girl’s rent
|
TLDR at the bottom
My boyfriend is a military vet that lives off of the GI bill of school. We recently decided to move in together so he opted to have his lease taken over (not subleased).
We advertised the lease as $5 less than it actual was. This was not intentional. The leasing office had messed up his lease amount he was paying monthly in the system so he was paying $5 less than it actually was.
Next, when we went to the leasing office to obtain the forms for someone to takeover his lease, they mentioned that half of February’s rent would be paid for if someone moved in by January. We clarified this on four separate occasions.
Additionally, he stored the apartment furniture in a storage unit because it is pretty outdated, and he loves his ikea furniture.
Now comes the fun, I found this girl on facebook and advertised everything as stated above. We were pretty desperate because all of his monthly income was going to rent. We offered to pay her signing fee on top of my bf’s fee.
The leasing office tells us as she is signing that the half off rent deal was only for new residents moving in, not individuals taking over a lease. We tell her we can pay the half of the rent for February. Next, they tell us that the system has messed up and my boyfriend’s rent is actually $5 more than we advertised. His account will be docked for the money that the system did not include. He offers to pay the extra $5 for this girl’s rent every month as she is freaking out.
She moves in and everything is fine. Then she tells us that the furniture stores has bed bugs. The leasing office never checked the apartment before she moved in, but we cleaned the room before she did because she was not happy with the dust on the floor or dishes in the sink.
She goes to the office to tell them there are bed bugs in her room. They charge her $500 to fumigate the room. She freaks out and calls us to tell us she is suing the office over mistreatment (she has no grounds to sue as the contract she signed does not allow her to sue them). My boyfriend again offers to cover this fee but explains that we cannot provide her with half the rent we are covering this expected cost. Am I the asshole for not paying half of her rent anymore?
TLDR boyfriend and I told a girl signing his lease we would pay half of her rent ($312), she found bed bugs in her apartment. The leasing office charged her $500 which we offered to pay but can’t pay half of her rent anymore because of this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
lDWJnHhRusQeu2uQRvglPTnluM0Qg2TT
|
b0e6re
|
{
"description": "feeling hurt when my friend doesn't wait for me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for feeling hurt when my friend doesn't wait for me?
|
My friend and I are both students in the same major and so we ended up having a lot of the same classes, which was nice at first because most of our classes are on the opposite end of campus as the dorms and we'd often walk there together. Recently, however, we've been going together less and less because she always goes before me.
I'll admit I'm not super quick about getting out the door, but I have been putting effort in to leave when she wants to and a lot of times I can't because of other restrictions. For example, she and I have two different classes that end at the same time, and we both have to go back to the dorms to pick up our stuff for our next class, but my class is a little further away from the dorms than hers. She would have to wait a maximum of five minutes for me to get there, and it's not like she'd be late if she waited for me. The class we have together is 1.5 hours after our previous classes, but we go early to do prep work.
She'll still sometimes (keyword: sometimes) wait for me to go to our other shared classes, so it's possible that her going ahead for this particular class is because it's the most important for our major so she'd want as much time for it as possible--but I'm still not entirely convinced because as I said it would take no more than 5 minutes to wait until I get there and we'd still have 1.5 hours to work before class. Am I justified in feeling a little offended or should I just chalk this up to different priorities?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
WKNJsOtUKy0t0C3FnxOgSd5wtQ6WsnPa
|
ax64fr
|
{
"description": "wanting my brother and his girlfriend, who are visiting, to sleep on a pull out couch in the living room",
"pronormative_score": 134,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for wanting my brother and his girlfriend, who are visiting, to sleep on a pull out couch in the living room?
|
I live in Boston and my brother, who's two years younger and a senior in college, has decided to visit with his girlfriend for a few days later this month. This past Christmas we were both home with our parents and he brought up that he would be visiting Boston come March. I said he was free to crash at my apartment with me and my other two roommates. I told him that we have a pull out couch in our living room that him and his girlfriend could sleep on. However, this turned into a screaming match where my brother and mom yelled at me and told me how selfish I was for not letting him sleep in my bedroom (while I sleep in the living room). After about 20 minutes of this, I gave in and said "sure, they can stay in my bedroom".
​
Fast forward to this past week and I started to rethink having him and his girlfriend stay in my bedroom. He said he would clean the sheets and everything, but the whole thing still weirds me out. My two roommates (who I each share a wall with), said they also feel uneasy having my brother and his girlfriend sleep in my room. So, I texted my brother a few days ago about how I feel pretty uncomfortable with the whole situation and would much rather they crash on the pull out couch in our living room. The living room in our apartment is connected to the kitchen, and basically comprises the entire communal space in the apartment.
​
This set off a string of texts from him about how selfish and self-centered he thinks I am and how he would now need to pay for an Airbnb. He also said that his girlfriend doesn't want to stay in the living room. I get that I said he could stay in my bedroom over Christmas, but that was after being yelled at for 20 minutes by him and my mom. I should have given him more than a 2-weeks notice, but I am not sure if that would've changed his response.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 133,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 134,
"WRONG": 18
}
|
RIGHT
|
TxbQai3NrKeYRdjaA0w10i6B3flyvJ9e
|
b2c9g3
|
{
"description": "pushing my son into social situations",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for pushing my son into social situations?
|
I don't know how to condense this properly, it's a *long* story and I'm frustrated even as I write it, but I'll do my best:
My parents think that I'm pushing my son too hard to be social. He's 7 and not uncommonly complains about not playing with other kids in the neighborhood. We have it pretty easy now considering we had to move back in with my parents and I now usually work nights while my parents watch him after school, so they see him more and they're more in control than I am at this point. (It's worth noting that my parents, as grandparents are wont to do, spoil the shit out of him, but then complain that he's becoming entitled, lazy, and selfish.) Just today, he was complaining about a neighbor kid not being able to play with him this afternoon. Later, while still light out, a bunch of kids were outside playing- including the original neighbor kid! I encouraged him (strongly, got him to put his sneakers on, go outside to see for himself) to go out with them, but he ultimately refused- he'd rather stay in and play with the iPad, xbox, Tv, whatever. It bothers me because he is unhappy when he doesn't get to play, but when he has a chance he chooses not to, even when I'm covering all the bases- *there's a kid you usually play with, I can go out and hang around til you feel comfortable, this is what* ***you wanted to do-*** meanwhile my parents seem to think (as soon as he cuddles up to them, no less) that I'm pushing him unfairly.
I totally get social anxiety and the sort of nuances that are perceptible only to children in these situations, but I don't want to encourage behavior that is lazy or cowardly. The neighbor kids are mostly nice (if they're being mean to him, he's not admitting it, although we have all always been very supportive of him), and the worst I can note is that *my* kid has been starting to do inappropriate things that he must be seeing on TV- for example, just today, he made the "jerking off" gesture to me. For no reason. I know he doesn't know what it means, but I think he's coming off as weird, and I do want to encourage his social development in the real world as opposed to the internet world.
After the argument about going out to play, my parents immediately made him comfy and rejected my premise. So he took one step out the door and turned right back around. Now I'm the asshole in this house, but...really? They'll scream at him for not listening the first time, but then give him whatever he wants. Maybe I'm harsh, but at least I'm consistent. I think I might need to move again. I don't mean to come off as ungrateful, I do appreciate them taking us in, but if things go on this way, it might be doing more harm than good. I don't know. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
5rxulXsPPmTJVivwXdILZzRQ7UFWmS0c
|
b4z0t4
|
{
"description": "only going to one of my coworker's two baby showers",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for only going to one of my coworker's two baby showers?
|
My coworker is pregnant with her first. She's having a "main" baby shower with friends and family, and a "work" baby shower for people she's worked with past and present. She's close to a lot of former and current employees at the company I work for.
I've been invited to both showers. We've worked together for 7 years. I like her well enough. We have the same job title so on top of working together in a small office, we have all of the same trainings/meetings. We sometimes get tacos after work with a group, and we attended each other's weddings, but I've never hung out with her one-on-one outside of work stuff.
She's already said she doesn't expect me or our other coworker to get two gifts, or even attend both of them, but I'm worried she's just being polite, and I'm the one breaking etiquette. So, WIBTA if I only attended the coworker shower?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QG7PzlsPYaGcxJb4Az0qGvME5z9FS03F
|
ao5ygg
| null |
AITA Ex caught me with new girl
|
I know logic should say... she’s your ex- who cares?
Anyways, my ex was a not a very good person... narcissistic, petty, generally unstable. I was with her for almost 1.5 years and it was draining. We broke up in between for a couple months and then - maybe because I was settling? Maybe because I thought I left something on the table? Maybe I thought there was a chance she could change? - I got back with her. She loved me SO much and I loved her affection. But other than that, I was always waiting for the next meltdown or argument, we had nothing in common, and I was generally miserable.
Argument after argument I began to distance myself from her until eventually I called it off.... we broke up. Only 3 days later I meet a girl at a bar and we start talking, she’s pleasant, similar family backgrounds, much more aligned with my beliefs, personality ect. We have a great night and she ends up sleeping over.
In the morning we’re talking and I wake up to knocking on the door... it’s my ex. I opened the door and she immediately tried to run by me into my apt and I grabbed her around the waste screaming “what are you doing!?!” I managed to pry her off the door and pushed her into the hall and locked my apt behind me. I pushed her to the ground once as she wouldn’t stop trying to break in... (I would never intentionally harm a woman) I just didn’t know if she was going to hurt the woman I just met or what so I wasn’t going to take a chance.
She said she just “wanted to talk”- I told her I’m not talking and we’re done, I made that very clear days before and he showing up was completely uncalled for- she wouldn’t leave so I had my neighbor call the police, as soon as I started giving the info she left. She looked broken. I never wanted it to go down like that. I still love her, I care about her, but some people are NOT meant to be together.
With all that being said- am I an asshole for moving on so quickly- inviting a girl over after breaking up so soon- physically removing her from my apt and calling the cops? It feels bad.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
5QoBBQu947IXEVl6MkGtKVD9MV9K9nMb
|
a545kg
|
{
"description": "getting mad at an acquaintance-friend who I was helping out with a place to stay who disrespected me and my home and then held them to the previously agreed upon rent agreement",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at an acquaintance-friend who I was helping out with a place to stay who disrespected me and my home and then held them to the previously agreed upon rent agreement?
|
FYI, this is kind of a long one.
So, I have an acquaintance-friend (we'll call her AF; she lies somewhere between just an acquaintance and my closer-but-not-inner circle of friends. AF was moving back to my town, after having left for a couples weeks due to being forced out of a bad living situation, and so I said that she was welcome to stay at my place for a month or two until she gets herself settled. She doesn't have a car so I made a just-shy-of four-hour round trip drive to pick her up and bring her to town. The ride was given with the agreed upon expectation of gas money. She gave me $17 on the spot and agreed to give me more at a later time. It took 3/4 of a tank to make the trip which for me is about $25 in gas. We also made an agreement that my offer of her staying at my place was not free and that she would be expected to pitch in on rent and utilities, chores, and would have to buy her own groceries. For the rent and utilities, we agreed that she would pay 1/3 each month she stayed. I have a roommate as well, so that would have made the housing costs split evenly three ways.
AF was also bringing her small dog, which I was cool with because my dog would have a dog-friend and who doesn't like having more dogs around, right? Again, I set an expectation that I was not going to be a dog-sitter and that she would have to take care of her dog as any responsible owner should. No using my dog's food, crating the dog if she had to leave the house and no one else was there (my dog gets the run of most of the house but I didn't know this dog well enough to trust it that much), and letting her dog out often enough to prevent accidents (and clean up any that did occur).
So, I bring AF down to my place last Wednesday and I lay out all of the rules and expectations of the house. Nothing crazy, just clean up after yourself, put things back exactly where you got them from, don't take over space with all your stuff, don't mess with the thermostat, keep doors and windows locked, just basic stuff. Well, in the span of 5 days, she just took off for 24 hours and left me with her dog, without asking me if I was willing to dog sit, to hang out with her friends. When I asked her why she didn't just ask me, and I would have agreed to dog sit, her excuse was that I was sleeping (I had fallen asleep on the couch) and that because she HATES being woken up she didn't want to wake me up. I said you can't apply yourself to me like that and that you should have just woken me up and asked because I would have said yes. But because she didn't do that, I woke up the morning after she left to having found that her dog had peed on my bed and shit on the floor. If I knew I was going to be dog sitting, I would have woken up early to make sure to let her dog out. I should mention, the dog is a year-old chihuahua with separation anxiety problems.
This was not the first time that her dog had peed and pooped in the house since it had arrived. When I texted her to find out where she was and when she was coming back, she said she was waiting on a ride from her, "flaky friends." I thought maybe she had gone out of town but it turned out that she was just on the other side of town, which is my little Appalachian town is walking distance from my house. Apparently, she didn't want to walk because it was, "too cold," and she, "didn't own a winter coat." It was in the 30s. We have taxi services and Lyft in my town (it's a small town but also a college town) that she could have taken. I let her know that I did not appreciate being forced into dog sitting, that her dog had made a mess and that she needed to get back ASAP to take care of her pup. Also, while I was unwillingly dog-sitting I was forced to give her dog some of my dog's food because I could not find the dog food that AF has said that she had brought. It was dark by the time she finally made it back.
Also, in these past 5 days, AF left my front door unlocked and open twice, in the same day. After I had already reminded her that she needed to keep the doors locked, even when people are in the house. I do not keep an open doors policy and this is a college town where burglaries do happen. There had been a couple in the neighborhood just recently. Just this morning, I woke up for work to find that she had fallen asleep (she was the last one awake last night) with the door unlocked and open. She probably went out to smoke and then got distracted by her phone as soon as she came back in. She's always on her phone. I sent her a text from work telling her, once again, that she absolutely cannot do that because it's a security issue, a health hazard for my pet Bearded Dragon and Ball Python because of the cold air (in the 20s at night), and a waste of my heat. Also, she stays up late and sleeps late and upon waking up that morning I also found dog poop on the floor. Again. For the third or fourth time in 5 days. So then, today, I come home from an eight hour day of work to find my front door unlocked and open and no one home. My roommate was probably at work, she has an evening afternoon/evening restaurant schedule and I have a 9-5 schedule working in a local government office, and AF was nowhere to be found. Oh, AND her dog was not crated AND there was more dog poop and pee on the floor. At this point, I was furious. I sent her a text asking her, "Why the hell did I come home to an unlocked and open front door," that this was, "Absolutely unacceptable and a huge violation of my home," and, "What the hell was she thinking?"
From there, I finally decided that after only 5 days I realize that AF is immature and disrespectful of my home, myself, and my property and that she is no longer welcome to stay. I tell her as much and that she would have one week to find a new place to stay. I also state that I would be returning a pro-rated amount of the down-payment she had made for the third of December's rent that she had agreed to pay. I told AF that I would divide what would have been to total for rent and utilities into a daily rate, keep 5 days' worth, and return the rest. I also said that I was going to add an additional $5 for the rest of the gas money that she owed me.
AF proceeds to inform me that she already found a new place, was moving out today, and that the reason she left the door unlocked (and not open according to her) was because she got a call for a job interview and they wanted her to come in right away. She said that she woke up to that call and HAD to leave but no one was home. I never gave her a key so she was unable to lock up. When I asked her why she didn't just contact me to let me know, because my office is a ten minute walk from my house and she could've come to get my key or I could've gone home during lunch to lock up, she had no answer other than that she had to get to the job interview. Then as I tell her that she left my house, my dog, my property unsecured and in potential danger she just went on about how she'd had such a bad day because she had to walk 45 minutes in the cold to get to the interview on the other side of town. By the way, she did get the job, for which I congratulated her. I retorted that all she had to do was ask and I would have loaned her a coat. In fact, I had an extra winter coat laying around the was left behind by a previous roommate. Again, she had no response other than that she had to get to the interview.
From there, I made it clear to AF that she was irresponsible, disrespectful, only thinking of herself, and obviously not someone I could trust with my house. I reiterated my plan to prorates the money she had already given for rent and bills and return the balance. AF then proceeded to accuse me of being greedy and unfair because I was mad, that I should only be allowed to keep $50 because she thought that was all her time here was worth(btw the total I did keep after my calculations was $63), and that, "I thought you were trying to help me," and that I had, "turned it into a hustle." My reply was, "Yes, I helped you by bringing you here and giving you a place to stay but I never said it was going to be free. In fact, we made an agreement and I'm holding you to it. Also, if I was being greedy I would take extra money for the fact that I had to give your dog my dog's food and for all the dog messes I had to clean from my bed and my carpet." So, AF had her friend she was moving in with come and get her. I helped AF gather her things, made sure she didn't leave anything, even gave her that extra winter coat my old roommate left behind, and she was off. Before she left, I asked her if she truly understood why I was so upset with her and why I felt that I and my home had been disrespected. She said that she did but I don't truly believe her. Knowing her, I can almost guarantee that she's spinning it to her friends that I'm the greedy bad guy who turned an offer of help into a hustle and then kicked her out when I got mad at her about something that she probably doesn't think is a big deal. Needless to say, AF has definitely dropped down the rungs from acquaintance-friend to just an acquaintance, at best.
Anyways, what do you think? Am I the greedy asshole here like she claims?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
WNp28jcbudUPRcFcnqlLnZ42jU1kJXjR
|
aystpp
| null |
AITA at work?
|
So my boss hired me at $11/hr, full time, M-F. Then she tells me I need to work seven hour days M-F and five hours on Saturday. I tell her no, I have chronic illnesses, I can’t do that. So she cuts my hours to hire someone else. (At this point, the business was only a few months old, so I find it reasonable to not to anticipate her ability to afford a full timer and a part timer.)
She sits in the office, splitting her time between doing actual things for our business, her side job, and stuff for her sunday school type thing. I am expected to do everything else with no training. And to train the new people. I work open to close for two weeks while she’s on a religious trip, I split shift for a month to help accommodate her religious commitments, not even a thanks. She texts off the clock a lot demanding why the dusting wasn’t done or something.
A year goes by, I haven’t gotten a raise (living wage here is around $14.50 for a full timer), and I get a job for $12/hr elsewhere. So I leave a two week’s notice. Cue the begging texts. I toss out a number asking for $14, which is something I figure she’ll never agree to, and she caves, even says I can keep my bonuses.
Two days later, her husband calls and says that they can’t pay me that much for being a non-manager, so they’ll put me on a trial period for manager. No training was given, and after the trial ends (during which time, I bust my butt), they said I’m not a good fit for it because I still need to be asked to do things and “we couldn’t pay you that much anyway”. So they drop me to $13.
Of course, I start slacking off and not doing things that are the manager’s job. If they’re not paying me to be a manager, I won’t be one. As the owners, they ought to have all the store responsibilities under their umbrella anyway. But no. They refuse to take things to the back for shipping (ups store type place), they don’t train new employees, and they do it under “we own it, we don’t have to work” logic. Their words. They don’t realize that if UVW job was already done—that they can do—then I would have time for XYZ, and get mad when I don’t get to it.
So when I get shouted out and threatened to have my pay docked because I missed one box going to the back, left in an obscure place and not told anyone about, I try to stand up for myself by calmly (if admittedly a little smartassedly) asking why it hadn’t been moved. She starts shouting at me about how I’ll never make manager if I don’t thoroughly look everywhere for dropped packages and how she’s been so inconvenienced by having to call about mailbox renewals (which she then says is everybody’s job) and how I’m so lazy I can’t even call for [manager thing] and if I can’t handle it, then go.
AITA for expecting the business owners to do the jobs that everyone else has to do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
wsFNaJuG0RjwPxafEC1c626yQrbE9vIv
|
a332za
|
{
"description": "standing in front of a shorter person at a concert",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for standing in front of a shorter person at a concert?
|
I went to a concert last weekend and had an interaction that is still nagging at me. I truly don't know if I was the asshole. Sorry for the length, I want to include all the details.
​
tl:dr A shorter guy at a concert tried to prevent us from standing 4 feet in front of him to protect his view, but we stood there anyway because we felt his request was ridiculous and entitled.
​
It was a general admission show, where the entire ground floor is just standing room. My partner and I arrived about 5-10 minutes before the band would be starting. We are both on the tall side (I am 5'9", he is 6'1"). We found a decent spot to stand about 3/4 of the way back from the stage, but as I was looking around, I saw a pocket of empty space up ahead that would put us 10-15 feet closer. So we maneuver into that pocket of empty space. Immediately a guy behind us taps my bf on the shoulder, and asks us to not stand there because he can't see over us. I would guess the guy was maybe 5'4" or so (I'm going to call him "the short guy" from here on out, which I don't mean as an insult, just a description). And he was not especially polite, but rather kind of bratty about it. My bf was rather surprised by this request, and he responded "um, alright, would you like to switch spots and stand in front of us?" To which the short guy replied no, he can't see over the people that were standing in front of us either. **Important note:** there was at least 4 feet of empty space in front of the short guy that he was trying to protect for himself. Meaning, when we went to stand in that spot, there was no one immediately behind us, just the short guy, 4 feet behind us. It is not like we pushed through the crowd and parked ourselves a few inches directly in front of a much shorter person.
​
When he also refused to switch spots with us, my bf was sort of flummoxed, so he grabbed my hand and started to move us to another spot behind the short guy. Up until that point I had just been a confused observer. But when my bf tried to actually move us out of this guy's way, I had to stop us. I said to the short guy (rather incredulously I'm sure) "hold on, excuse me, so you are you really expecting no one to stand in this space in front of you for the entire show???" He kind of shrugged like yep, so what. He then also gestured to some people seated in chairs several feet behind him (in the ADA section) and said "they might like to see better too," but I suspect he was only using that to further his cause, since there were already other people standing in front of them, himself included. I stared at him and he stared at me for a few tense seconds, then my bf was like alright, sorry, we're doing this - and we returned to our spot 4 feet in front of the short guy. BF turned around and said "sorry man, you're still welcome to stand in font of us, but we're standing here." Short guy looked annoyed and pissed.
​
I am not normally confrontational but something in this situation ignited me, and I spent the rest of the show feeling like the short guy was staring daggers into the back of my head and wondering if I just pulled a major dick move. But it's a general admission show - is someone really entitled to a bubble of space because of their height? Am I not allowed to stand in certain spots because of *my* height? Obviously I think the answer is no, but curious to get others' perspectives.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
8tsXeAkce5FCD3fcJYQaWmZJsWOeYNDm
|
b5n6u0
|
{
"description": "being annoyed at my gf for not texting me she was going to be late when she knew I was preparing a meal for her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at my GF for not texting me she was going to be late when she knew I was preparing a meal for her.
|
Girlfriend and I had been texting all day and I had told her that I'd be making her a meal ready when she got home from babysitting. She leaves the same time every week. However, tonight half hour had gone by and she had not arrived home so I text her and she said she hasn't even left yet, she's talking to her brother and his wife. I sent back something like thanks for letting me know.
This is probably really petty but I just feel a bit annoyed that she didn't think to text me saying she was going to be late when she knew that I had prepared food.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
NQxc97duyU3i7aDpDfHUoU79KMnsuUw8
|
apocy3
|
{
"description": "not wanting anything to do with my dad after he cheated on my mom with a guy",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not wanting anything to do with my dad after he cheated on my mom with a guy...
|
A few months ago my mom found out my dad was cheating. She was obviously extremely hurt, but then to make matters worse she found out it was with a guy who was half my dads age and not much older than me. We’re not homophobic but my mom felt even more betrayed and like he had been lying to us about who he was all this time. My dad tried to play the victim card claiming how hard it was to keep it a secret that he was gay and that he didn’t want to destroy our family which is why he did it behind our backs. I think everything he is saying is bullshit tbh. Yes coming out is hard but we deserved to know and my mom shouldn’t have been betrayed like this. I also find the age gap really repulsive.
For this reason I’ve barely spoke to my dad since finding out. I live with my mom, I refuse to see him and I don’t answer his calls. Am I being a bit of an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
VlPRtepQPVuJMPiTVv4wP5uKHTeXeVTt
|
b932zq
| null |
WIBTA to tell my girlfriend I don't want her to get a nose ring
|
brief background, We've been dating for just over a year and she just now wants a nose ring, she's had a little sticker type thing on her nose, and it gave her the idea that getting a pericing would be a good idea. I personally don't think it'd be a good look on her but I don't want to feel like an asshole telling her she can't have one.. right now with the little sticker thing she asked if it looks good, I've just been responding yea. I thought it might just be something for one or two days but she's been telling her friends "I kinda want a nose ring now or a pericing" so I'm not sure how to convey my opinion without feeling like an asshole.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
SunnOgmf7QNKhE4om1HvDjAJFVRHWWM6
|
anz91x
| null |
AITAH Or being sexist?
|
My wife and I were watching a video of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortex asking questions in an overview committee and I made a comment that she seriously disagreed with. It made me think about whether it was a sexist thing to say so I’d like to check here so I can understand if that’s something I need to work on.
I said that I agree with almost everything AOC stands for , but that in most videos or interviews, she is so angry and passionate all the time (for good reason), that she might get tuned out by the opposition as someone who is just angry all the time and not be given the time of day to actually make a difference. I also said she should be more tactful in her approach to try and combat this.
My wife said that I have no authority telling a woman if she is being too loud or angry or passionate, women in politics are finally speaking up and she should carry on as she is. Its views like mine that have likely kept women out of politics so long in the first place.
I agree that it’s great women are becoming more equal in politics but because I want AOC to stick around and do some good, she should play the long game.
My wife also stated that I would not say the same thing if it was a man being angry all the time, giving the example of Bernie Sanders. I claimed he doesn’t seem angry all the time, but I suppose that could be my prejudice in action.
What do you guys think? Am I harboring some sexist tendencies?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
gLIeojgLHD2RttCi02NnyBgd29w9A7I6
|
ak9j5w
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to stop singing in the car",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For asking my girlfriend to stop singing in the car?
|
My girlfriend, if she knows the lyrics, will sing to every song along to every song that is played. And she learns the lyrics quickly. When we started dating she wasn't into the same music as me at all (80's new wave) but since I've been playing music on my phone she's learned the lyrics to my favorite songs and sings them terribly. Should I ask her to stop?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
HYRt0rE6Db8pd4WY99Ggpv9FETOe2z6w
|
adfeqi
|
{
"description": "making my friend cry after making a short joke",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for making my friend cry after making a short joke
|
My entire family is Jewish and we’re proud of it. My friend has one jewish grandmother, and to me that doesn’t count. She would always make pretty edgy Jew jokes around me and I told her I didn’t like her doing it, because I don’t see her as Jewish.
I am 6’1 and she is 5’2. I don’t remember what prefaced the conversation but eventually I said,”Well when you grow very quickly for a short amount of time you become very clumsy. . . But I guess you wouldn’t know about that.” She was pissed, and I told her I only said it because she said offensive Jewish jokes, so it all evens out. She started to cry and of course I apologized. We’re not really friends anymore. Am I the asshole here, be honest.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
TROJoq8cy08Z3mZqxGRlyVSbRXEOFcYG
|
aw8g64
|
{
"description": "distrusting my gf/colleague",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for distrusting my gf/colleague?
|
Hi AITA friends, to cut the chase short, I started working in the auditing field (tax) a couple of years ago. I met my current GF when I first crossed the threshold to our (soon-to-be) shared room at work and fell in love. She was stunning and we fell for each other when we got to know each other. Things got steamy and semi-official by the third year we worked together. We've had our ups and downs, but each time we came back for each other's company. However the problem I encountered again and again was drinking. She was a working alcoholic and drank until total stupor a couple of times a week. For the past few years I hid her drinking habits. I took her to customer meetings drunk and left her in the car explaining to the customer that she was car-sick etc. Now I understand that I'm part of the reason for the escalation, I should not have done that. I had my problems and drank them away together with her (got sober 2018). Last year our working conditions changed, and we no longer worked together. I could no longer hide her drinking problem (which was wrong). In my country the use of alcohol (and overuse) is however shushed over. Over the past year the days when she has been late to work and not responding to any of my messages has increased tenfold. Today was another day when she was late to the work (by a large margin) and didn't answer any calls etc. (Lync) for the whole of the day. I know that she met another alcoholic friend last night. I sent her a couple of texts this morning and she did not answer them until the evening and she did not sign into Lync the whole day. We had a planned meeting which she skipped. I asked our common superior if she had received any word (she had not). Later in the evening she finally answered my messages and accused me as being stalkish and too clingy. I agree, I look at Lync constantly and watch when she arrives to work. So today was the first day I went ahead and asked our superior if my GF had called in sick. That was not the case and our superior said that there will be repercussions.
So, the AITA question stems from when I talked about the alcohol overuse of my GF to our common superior? AITA for asking my GF if she's okay and what she has been up to? Am I the asshole for not trusting my GF and talking to the management about this issue? Should I keep shut about my part in this? My GF is not in any risk of being fired. The main step our superior can do, is direct her to the doctor. Any input or advice would be dear to me. She means the world to me in work and at outside work.
Ps. This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons, also i hope didn't sound too niceguyTM
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
3hipLcuOgrA6ISN1cDJ4ykMEw15YfAzV
|
b7z6mw
|
{
"description": "trying to avoid my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for trying to avoid my friend?
|
So, my friend is REALLY annoying and we both have this class together we learn geography, history and politics and when ever im reading the board he obnoxiously laughs so loud the whole class can hear him and he sits next to me so he audibly interupts me with laughing causing me slip up while reading. while im reading causing me to be forced to look at the video or some unimportent bullshit, he usually laughs in the middle of lessons causing me to be distracted and miss important points of it. So am i TA because im trying to avoid him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
W14uQNkGjTF3QVZyXJJdNqNBDMSjDgs2
|
adag85
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend he couldn't watch a football game",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend he couldn't watch a football game?
|
My boyfriend and I went on a trip over a long weekend (3 days, 2 nights). Throughout the entirety of the trip planning, I asked for his input - what kind of activities he would like to do, what kind of food he would like to eat, etc. He had a few opinions here and there but for the most part left the planning to me (which I was more than happy about.)
A couple days before the trip, he tells me he has just one request for the weekend - that we go to a bar to watch his NFL team play on Sunday afternoon. I had already made brunch reservations by this time, and had excitedly told him about them. He asked if I could cancel the reservation and pick somewhere with TVs where the game would be on. I told him I didn't want to, as I had done a lot of searching and was really excited about this particular restaurant.
I told him I wouldn't mind if he watched the game on his phone. He argued he wouldn't be able to find a stream and his phone would run out of battery. I told him I could easily find him a stream (thx /r/nflstreams) and I would pack a mobile phone charger. He still wasn't satisfied with this. I called the restaurant we already had reservations at and asked if they had a TV we could watch the game on. They had one and they said they would put on the game if they could. My boyfriend insisted they wouldn't have it because it was out of market. I finally told him he could feel free to go to a bar to watch the game, but I wouldn't join him as I wanted to spend the weekend enjoying our vacation destination, not sitting in a crowded loud bar watching football, which we can do any weekend.
He got very upset with me over this argument and asked "why I even bothered asking for his suggestions if I wasn't going to take them." I tried to explain I meant suggestions that were more in the spirit of the trip, and that if he had brought it up when we first decided to take the trip, I would've been more willing to take the football game into consideration (but still would not have wanted to spend \~4 hours of our relatively short trip watching it.)
We ended up going to the original restaurant I had planned, he watched it on his phone with no issues and was content enough, and it hasn't come up again, but I still think about this argument a lot. Was I being a bad girlfriend for not taking his one main request into consideration?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 16
}
|
WRONG
|
uYYYDie5DqjZh7n4VsmbND7SWFghLmoj
|
b7ass3
|
{
"description": "not wanting to eat my wife's dinner",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to eat my wife's dinner?
|
so my wife made the family a meatloaf and i really don't like it. I thought it smelled awful so i didn't eat it. She claims that i embarrassed her in front of the family by not eating it and it made her feel bad and i was insulting her culinary skills.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
MbNl8owjrZpTozdO0vwvegktdv2qDR8x
|
ali93j
|
{
"description": "asking our oldest son to stop bringing his dog over during dinner",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I ask our oldest son to stop bringing his dog over during dinner?
|
Our oldest son, G (27), lives about 2 miles down the road and joins us for dinner often. He's a single guy and we enjoy having him. He has a young German Shepherd dog (male, neutered, about 1 year old) that he has been training pretty rigorously. The dog is good, for the most part, and we enjoy him.
To give an idea of our home, we have two teenagers who still live at home, two spayed female dogs (a very calm border collie and less calm dachshund) and two cats. There is plenty of space for everyone, but G's dog will follow our dogs closely until one asserts dominance. They won't play with him and growls ensue if he gets too close. You can tell it's tense. It's basically like they have to figure out who is alpha every single time G comes over with his dog. The cats don't care and the dog is afraid of them.
I also usually feed our pets at 5pm. Often G will be at the house with the dog before I get home from work, so I can't feed the dogs until after dinner (or he'll eat all their food and the cats' food in about 20 seconds). He also chews up all the bones and toys, but that's no big deal. Usually it's a bone that our border collie hasn't wanted for a week.
We love our son and his dog is a good dog. I don't want to offend our any, but having the dog over during dinner time is wearing me out.
TLDR: WIBTA if I ask our son not to bring his dog, who stresses our animals out, over during dinner time?
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
jF57XVAUD4y17SsoeUZOMxusxmu14hHm
|
a07jpy
|
{
"description": "getting my wife nothing for Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
WIBTA if I got my wife nothing for Christmas.
|
I'm terrible at gift giving, so every year I ask my wife what she wants for Christmas. This year she keeps saying "nothing." We've been married for 7 years, known eachother for almost 20 years, we have a fairly good marriage. I'm not doing it out of spite, I'm doing it because she keeps saying she wants nothing.
We normally get eachother gifts, and I normally get her someone she asks for and a few things I am thinking will be a surprise. She always ends up returning those "surprise" gifts because they're terrible. I'm not offended, I'd rather she get something she wants. But this year she's giving me nothing to go off of, I think I'm just gonna do what she is telling me to do.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 32,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
WXhD56wBngXkYYB9EwmabjqOiO6dz8bi
|
asa7qv
|
{
"description": "thinking my brothers friend is a leech",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for thinking my brothers friend is a leech?
|
So, a little background, I don't live at home with my parents, I live abroad but all three of my brothers , 11, 17, 18 years old all still live at home. Even since before I moved out in the mid-end of 2017, my youngest brother's best friend (He's the same age as my youngest brother) has been staying at my parents a lot, every free weekend or holiday (this includes the ENTIRE summer holidays more of less).
So here's my problem, I don't like that my parents need to spend so much extra money on feeding and housing another kid that isn't even theirs, the kid is nice enough but when I went home for Christmas I found him opening our drawers and going through the snacks we have in the kitchen as if he was at home, this pissed me off a bit, mostly because you don't really do that at someon elses place, right? I couldn't even get a proper family evening without this other kid being there when I was home for 2 weeks over Christmas other than Christmas eve.
His parents also make no effort in paying for him even though they use my parents place as a hotel for their kid. They even go on vacations and just leave their kid with my parents. This boy has 2 older siblings one who's around 25 (give or take) and another who's 20 so they are very capable of taking care of their younger brother when the parents leave for their little vacations.
I also think my brothers, not only the youngest, is starting feel a bit smothered by him constantly being there, the same as my parents. My nan has also commented on that she thinks he can stay home for a weekend at least.
This kid joins everywhere, extended family birthday celebrations, family outings, he even joined my parents and youngest brother to watch my two other brother play in a football (soccer if you're American) cup, this trip takes abour 4h to make so they had to sleep at my grandparents who live about 2h away from the city hosting the cup (the games were stretched over about 3-4 days I think) but my parents got train tickets that would get them there and back to my grandparents so they wouldn't have to take the car or bother with parking, meaning they had to pay the kids ticket, too, and to be honest I don't know if his parents paid for these expenses but I honestly doubt they did.
I've talked to my mom about this how it's not her or my dad's responsibility to almost raise this kid but as the nursery teacher she is she can't help but taking care of him, I understand that his home situation might not be ideal but should it be my family's responsibility to take care of him? In my opinion my parents are too kind and giving way for this kind of behaviour.
So am I the ass for thinking he can spend at least an entire weekend at home or for his parents to compensate at least a bit? I get that I'm a bit of an ass, me being an adult thinking like this of an 11 year old kid but genuinely my biggest problem is probably his parents who allow this without a second thought.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ErWJU1KWljbLnkGLzC5S06ANTJy2LArs
|
b5hjhi
|
{
"description": "ignoring my friend's texts or chats or calls because she doesn't listen to my advice",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I ignored my friend's texts or chats or calls because she doesn't listen to my advice
|
My friend has been in a long term relationship with a guy. They have been together since we were freshmen in college. And now that we have graduated, my other friend and I found jobs. Other friend recommended a job for her boyfriend and I gave some tips in acing the interview to my friend to relay to her boyfriend. He got the job and seems happy. However, my friend confided in us that she suspects the guy is cheating on her. He is always talking about a certain female co-worker and my friend said that he has never heard him talk about anyone like that. She considers breaking up with him and told us that she is sure of it because she isn't happy anymore. We back her decision up because the guy had PREVIOUSLY cheated on her but she took him back. I said that I won't support it if they got back together. I noticed that she always makes excuses for the guy's toxic treatment of her and I saw how the cheating screwed with her way of thinking. Now, she told me that she was only PMS-ing when she wanted to break up with her boyfriend. I got quite irritated because I just know that she will go back to him and continue their toxic relationship.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
KNB7zZJsczjJJyZQuXPqpNenpFps0uPv
|
a6n8dg
|
{
"description": "wanting my wife to go to a bar quarterly-ish",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my wife to go to a bar quarterly-ish?
|
My wife is a morning person. I’m a night person. We’re both in our 30s. Every now and then, after a party, I want to keep the fun going by ending the night at a bar. Every time she says (in a super sad, pathetic voice) “oookay, yeah. We can go, I don’t want to disappoint you...”. Which doesn’t really make me excited to go to a bar with her. So we don’t. And she goes home and straight to bed and I stay up, thinking about going without her. AITA for thinking she should be up for this without making me feel crappy every now and then?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZpvVMbbnTflH8SKrPbjrk6h65awZXAX0
|
azst2q
|
{
"description": "breaking up over text",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for breaking up over text
|
I recently broke up with my now ex girlfriend over text. I mainly broke up with her becuase she had a lot of mental health issues ( she was bipolar and had a lot of panic attacks). She would also lose her shit completed if I talked with other girls or if I didn’t text her enough ( despite texting her everyday) thus I started to feel unhappy
Now the main reason why I broke up over text is becuase i was afraid she might try to manipulate me, in a weak state, to stay with her, which she did try to do. I told her I never intended on hurting her and that I’m trying to do what’s best
I feel terrible about it and whenever I walk into her friends they give me looks as if Satan walked around the Earth. Her mom also messaged me, accusing me of numerous stuff that I didn’t say, maybe she’s manipulating her parents and telling them lies, but it also makes me think what if I’m in the wrong?
Am I being the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
WhiVN2eXXfZoUm5yZKCjz36xLhaxNNqX
|
axr2kn
|
{
"description": "hiding my friendship from my gf",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA For Hiding My Friendship From My GF
|
So i have this one friend that i knew 2 yeara ago. me and her became super close, i tell her everything and vice versa. Before i got into a relationship with my gf, i used to kinda like my friend but i didnt do anything and after i got into a relationship with my gf, i totally dropped the feeling for my friend.
fast forward a year,
my gf knew that i used to like my friend and knowing that me and my friend is super close, she kinda feels threatened and she thinks its possible i would catch feelings for my friend again. i feel like that is total crap because im not the type of person to love/like another person if im already in a relationship. so i told her its nothing and at one point me and my gf got into a fight that lasted for 2-3 weeks. and in the end, she made me choose between her or my friend. now i dont want to leave my friend because i dont really trust people easily and my friend has always help me, how do i just leave the person that has been with me through thick and thin? but at the same point, i dont wanna lose my gf cause im too in love with her and shes actually the most decent person ive ever date and weve already made plans to marry her, have kids, etc even our parents know about us. so i told my gf that i chose her and that i would stop being friends with the said friend but in reality, i still talk with my friend behind her back, i archive my conv with my friend everytime me and my gf go on a date. she was still hurt and said if i became close with her again, she'd leave me. but after 2 weeks she was still okay but she does remember this once in a while and that ruint her mood.
fast forward another year, (this year)
i fucked up and forgot to archive my message with my friend during a date. my gf played with my phone and you guessed it, she found the chat. she dropped the phone, look at me and immedeately ran away. i didnt chase her, i couldnt chase her. after she ran away i fell down and cried. in public. yeah that was embarrassing but i didnt think anything at all. i remembered she said she would leave me if i did it again and then i fucked shit up and got caught. i called my friend and she calmed me down and helped me calm my gf down. (i forgot to tell you, my friend is my gf's bestfriend lol) my gf became cold with me, she replied super short to all of my messages and she got mad at me but one day i force myself to meet her face to face to talk about it and she decides to give me a last chance, as long as this dont happen again. i was super happy that happened and all that but the thing is, i will never leave my friend and i continue on doing the same thing. i mean i just cant leave my friend cause she's the best friend ive ever had, she's been with me for so long now and i just cant leave the best friend ive ever had.
So now i feel kinda bad for doing this for my gf but at the same time i feel like she shouldn't do this to me.
I need your guys' help on this one. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
WRONG
|
bujhLpxKZH7fv4CChOYyaL4OY6NZNyKL
|
a14jvd
|
{
"description": "being harsh to my Coworker in Public spaces",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for Being Harsh to My Coworker in Public Spaces?
|
AITA for being rude in office spaces to my coworker/friend who has (and a series of previous mishaps) have given me a ton of extra work?
Some necessary background on this: 1. We work in education, so a day missed or a day late is a BIG deal, because we have to cancel class or shorten it. 2. This coworker is my direct equal, not a Teaching Assistant or a Sub or anything like that. We "team-teach"; that means we both are the regular lecturers for the class. We are both paid as if we are solo-lecturers for the course. 3. Despite the assignment, it is common knowledge that this coworker has no prior experience wit the topic/skills we're teaching. She's meant to be learning how to teach this class by co-teaching it with me. 4. The department we work in is supposed to be really congenial, so my "rudeness" is quite obvious.
Now, on to the spark to the flame:
To being with, this coworker has continued to be unreliable and unprofessional throughout the semester. She's missed 6/12 class periods entirely, (1 for a wedding, 1 for therapy session she scheduled during our class time, 1 for lateness \[she ended up cancelling the class because she was so late and I was out sick\], and 3 for the latest issue \[described below\]). She's regularly late, never attends our scheduled weekly meetings, and consistently causes issues for students by not responding to emails in a timely manner. She has also only graded 6/150 assignments in our class, because she does not dedicate time to learning the skills she needs to grade (image this as someone who's never worked with ceramics before grading a students lasagna tray; she has no idea what we're looking for).
About a month ago, we sat down with our superior and had the come to jesus talk. We decided the final would be graded 50/50, no matter what. All looked like it would improve. It did not.
2 weeks ago, she gets a minor injury from a fall off of a bike. She texts me the day before our class, letting me know, and saying it shouldn't affect her work. The next day she misses our class again, saying she's going to get check for a skull fracture. The following day, she says she only has a minor concussion and no skull fracture, but that the doctor says she should take 1-2 weeks rest to recover. Conveniently, those 1-2 weeks are the lead up to our final project, where she would learn skills she'd need to grade our students. She says the doctor has ordered her not to look at screens. Conveniently, our work primarily deals with using a computer software. The takeaway: she cant grade finals.
​
I am angry about how flippant she's being about the extra work it gives me. I will grade all 100 of our finals, as I have nearly all of the other assignments so far. Obviously, teaching is tiring, but I'm already getting paid to do that-- I'm particularly angry because extra grading is extra work not scheduled into my pay, and my coworker continues to get paid at my pay rate despite not actually performing any job requirements.
So, I'm being rude, because I'm angry and frustrated and feel disrespected and unfairly used. I am particularly insulted by this extra-ness because I have memory issues as the result of an actual brain injury, something her spottiness exacerbates. It feels insulting to me that she can get away with making life difficult for me because how her behavior interacts with my condition, but I'm expected to make her life easier for an arguably less severe one. Maybe I'm cynical, maybe I'm just a bitch. You decide.
So, here's where I risk being an asshole. The big issue is that we work in a small department, and social issues can get out of hand as big gossipy deals. I know that showing that I'm angry in our office spaces means creating a divide in our department, essentially. But I'm doing it anyway. I can't hold back my frustrations any longer. I cold-shoulder her, I don't hide my unhappiness in front of our coworkers, and I don't show sympathy for her illness. She's acting like nothings happened and there's no change to our previous dynamic (a friendly, albeit obviously strained professional team). Meanwhile, I don't talk to her unless she talks to me, and I call her out for misrepresenting how hard she's working (ie, "Yeah, it must be tough to get 2 weeks off during the busiest time of the semester). When she tries to joke with me I tell her I'm not in the mood because I'm tired from all the extra work her absence has caused. The works, essentially. I'm just rude, in our office.
Suffice to say, she's now very upset because I'm not pleasant to her in social spaces (I'm always perfectly cordial during class, if she shows up). I'm getting flack from coworkers who want me to let it die because it makes our office interactions awkward. Our mutual friends think I'm being a dick for not believing her concussion deserved 2 weeks off of work. I'm hearing from all sides that I'm being a total asshole but I really think I have to stand up for myself, and as she's never in our class I have to show her how upset I am at how disrespectful she's been to me somewhere. Maybe I just picked the wrong hill to die on.
Anywho, here's the question: AITA for causing strife in the department and making my coworker feel bad in public?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
TnQ31YDtXFEO34wRUenP0U0HjAbtHYAa
|
anndbz
|
{
"description": "correcting my mom when she misgenders me",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For correcting my mom when she misgenders me?
|
So a few months ago I came out as a trans woman, meaning I was born a man and now identify as a woman. My mom has been having a hard time dealing with my transition. She keeps calling me my deadname and says "he" instead of "she" like I prefer. My instant reaction when anyone does this is too correct them, doing so helps me feel more valid as a woman. When someone calls me a man, and I don't say anything it feels like I'm agreeing with them, which leads to hightened depression. My mom says I shouldn't correct her, because it's difficult for her to accept this all at once and she needs time. I get that and I'm not saying she has to start calling me my new name, it just helps me to correct her so I feel better. She thinks it's rude and selfish, and I'm just trying to feel valid. Who's in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
BdidraTAFRpwHF0ma8hDsdWitae4KP1d
|
app91s
|
{
"description": "not warning a tinder date about my weight",
"pronormative_score": 1039,
"contranormative_score": 98
}
|
AITA for not warning a Tinder date about my weight?
|
I've been using Tinder for a few weeks now. My profile picture is a picture of me at the store that I used to work at. A customer came in with a pet pigeon and let the bird sit on my arm, and then I asked him to take the picture with my phone. I didn't use any filters. You can see me from my midriff up to the top of my head, but tbh I was wearing a sweater.
I am a 5'8, 162 lbs female, btw.
I met this guy on Tinder and we hit it off. He was really funny and we had some hobbies in common. We agreed to go on a date downtown, to look at pigeons, because he said that he also liked them. When we met he was completely different from how he was over chat. He didn't say anything to me on his own and just answered questions with simples yesses and nos. He seemed angry the whole time and left the date after about an hour, saying he was supposed to meet his friend.
I thought that maybe he was shy in real life, and texted him afterwards to thank him for the date and ask him if he had an omay time. He didn't reply for a few days but this morning I got this text:
>just a headsup not everyone is into big girls, u should rly let guys know ahead of time so they dont get put on the spot. Just my advise. Hope u find what ur looking for, best wishes.
I feel really embarrassed after reading this text. I didn't mean to put anyone 'on the spot'. I know I'm not thin, but I'm also not *that* heavy. It never occurred to me that this was something I had to disclose before meeting someone. But I do remember reading some posts online where people were similarly disappointed that a date was bigger than they let on. Am I one of those deceptive dates? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 79,
"OTHER": 953,
"EVERYBODY": 19,
"NOBODY": 86,
"INFO": 35
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1039,
"WRONG": 98
}
|
RIGHT
|
qYBZN5mG6cnJoOGhQfZq7kzO52AHkO1h
|
an4obe
|
{
"description": "making a comment on a customers purchase",
"pronormative_score": 41,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for making a comment on a customers purchase?
|
So for a bit of context, I work at a grocery store in a small town where you know everyone’s name, and even if you don’t, you recognize the face. I’m a cashier, and to break up the monotony of the day I try my best to make each transaction a little different and personal rather than saying the same script over and over hundreds of times.
Well about a week ago now, I had an older lady I have seen before once or twice come into my line to check out. I had just finished checking out a family friend and was in a rather good mood. Now this lady seemed sour from the start, and as I was checking her out, I made a comment saying the type of microwaveable meal she was buying was really good. Then this interaction happened:
C-Customer
——————————-
Me: “oh those meals are really good! I just had one for lunch yesterday and you won’t regret getting it.”
C: “excuse me?”
Me: “I was just saying I really enjoy those meals is all. They are actually pretty tasty surprisingly!”
C: “you shouldn’t talk about a customer’s purchases. It’s extremely rude and makes us uncomfortable.
Me: “oh I’m sorry ma’m, I didn’t mean anything by it.”
C: “think about what you’ve done and how wrong it is. I cannot stand young people today. You millennials don’t think about other people or being polite anymore. I would get your manager but I’m in a rush. Count yourself lucky young man.”
—————————
I finished checking her out but actually started shaking a little. I really don’t like confrontation, and I was terrified this would somehow make me lose my job. A weeks gone by with nothing bad, but the situation is stuck in my head. One of my friends said I did nothing wrong, but another said it is rude to comment on purchases. Am I missing something? AITA here?
TLDR: Lady calls me rude for commenting on how I liked a meal she purchased
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 38,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 41,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
PbNMzPahH1rMKWXXwwhJRkda9zQ7L7ES
|
b4i8k5
|
{
"description": "being depressed",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being depressed
|
I've (18F) been depressed for few years because I don't have friends and also because I got bullied in middle school. I only told my mother about my problem this year and she sometimes is supportive but other times we fight because of she saying how ridiculous my problem is and that I should focus on my studies and shouldn't see friends as something valuable. (Which I think makes sense, if thinking rationally..)
Yesterday when we went out she noticed that I always space out and stare into emptiness, so she told me in seriousness to stop with this since I look like someone crazy psycho. She also said "Everyone normal human looks right and left when being outside. Why do only you look at one spot then?". I replied with "I think it's because back then in middle school I was always starring at the floor since I felt intimidated by my classmates". Then she probably got annoyed at this stuff again and said "Look at me, I didn't grow up with parents and I still was able to live happy. I had it worse than you. So I don't understand why you always have to be dragged down by your problems."
Her life story is indeed worse than mine and now I feel like trash, because I don't want do be a depressive burden, but at the same time it makes me more depressive because apparently I'm crying over small unnecessary matters. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
AbOct5EFaM5SWacI6oURCllSHB9owPmR
|
b2sy28
|
{
"description": "not wanting to have a joint account with my fiancé",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to have a joint account with my fiancé?
|
My fiancé (31) and I (32) have been engaged for a few months and together for 3 and a half years. I love him to death and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him... which is exactly what I thought with my ex husband. In my previous marriage my ex husband suddenly emptied out our joint bank account and left me nada. I recovered but ever since then I've had a mistrust of sharing my finances with anyone.
​
Anyways today we were talking and in a passing comment I said I don't want to get a joint account when we get married and he completely flipped out. He asked why and I explained what happened in my previous marriage to which he was offended that I thought he would do anything like that and called me an asshole. I trust my fiancé. But I also trusted my ex completely and look how that turned out. I'd rather have separate accounts than take a chance to get fucked over. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
0WfH1gTrXPopxowBJiGztUgZb5OKJl2T
|
az4vkw
|
{
"description": "continuing to park at my school",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for continuing to park at my school?
|
The parking lot for the school wasn't large by any means, but everyday there would always be about 20 spots no one would use, always the same spots since teachers have assigned parking. I had just got my license and my first car, a little Kia, so of course i was pumped to drive it to school. A few of my older friends also drove to school most days so i assumed those free spots were first come first serve for students.
After the school day i went out to my car and saw a large note taped to the back window, and masking tape across the windshield. The note said something along the lines of "this is private parking, if you park again you will get fined and towed." I was confused so i took the note to the principals office to ask what it was about. The VP sees me there and invites me into his office where he explains pretty snarkily that students don't have access to parking and that I can't park there. I explain that plenty of other students park there and no one else used the spots so i didn't see what the big deal was. He basically shrugged it off and sent me on my way.
Me being a rebellious little shit, i kept on parking there and kept getting the notes and the tape. Seeing as i was never gonna get towed, and from my point of view was now just petty, i started taking the notes off of my car, and then sticking it on his car, seeing as he almost never parked in the VP designated parking spot. My school doesn't have cameras in the parking area so he never knew it was me.
After a while i wanted to test if this was directed just at me, seeing as other kids who'd park rarely ever got the same note and tape on their cars. One week where my parents were away, i drove my moms SUV to school and parked where i always did with the Kia. At lunch, the VP walks up to the table I'm eating at and smugly says "well I'm glad you finally learned your lesson and didn't park here today." I kinda just said "haha yeah man" and went back to eating.
Went out after class and boom nothing on the SUV. Next day i did the same thing with my dads Pickup truck. Still no note or anything. Next day I'm back with my Kia. Surpise, theres the note and tape. I do my classic put it on the VP's car, and he happened to be watching me that day. Caught red handed, can't really defend my actions. He pulls me into his office and starts grilling me on being disrespectful, and says "its not nice to put something on anyones car without permission from the owner." That really pissed me off since thats what he'd been doing this whole time.
So tell me, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
Avjm8etHt9R4cAodOiPciLdbXTvh9wTW
|
ajgazv
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to my GF's sister engagement",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to my GF's sister engagement?
|
We've been dating for about three years and this is the girl I intend to marry. Her sister's BF is about to propose to her in a few weeks. Initially, when she wanted me to come, my reaction was "what am I going to do there?" (I could've reacted better). But I warmed up to it and was excited to go. I know her sister, but that not that well. The engagement is in the same city where my parents also live but the ticket costs $500. Her parents also really want me to come.
BUT the day of the engagement/proposal is also the day of my company's Ten-year anniversary party. I've been looking forward to this for a few months now. For all the hard work I do/did, this is an important date/event for me.
When I told my GF about this dilemma, she got very upset and thinks I don't care about her family/sister. She tells me how the party can happen again next year but her sister's engagement only comes once. I think she's under pressure from her parents because I didn't go to her family friends' wedding last year. A Family Friend that I never met. This has been incredibly stressful and I've been trying to figure out ways to tell her I want to go to the party instead. AITA for not wanting to go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
3KdQdw8Nk9ofJfvnIJNzHIJB14TT2jbe
|
ardnll
|
{
"description": "not doing any of \"my\" work ahead of time and leaving my coworkers to flounder while I'm on vacation",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not doing any of “my” work ahead of time and leaving my coworkers to flounder while I’m on vacation?
|
So I work shift work- 12 hr days and nights from 6-6. As is the nature of most shift work there are different daily/weekly/monthly tasks for each shift. These tasks are not employee specific, whoever is working that shift that day is responsible for completing the task and signing off on it. There is a general understanding however if a casual employee is working a shift where a particularly “difficult” or specialized task is due then they usually leave it for the regular staff, which is fine. I’m talking about regular staff who have been here for years in this post.
I’m pretty type A about my job and I have fairly high seniority. I do both days and nights but mostly nights which means a lot of the paperwork type tasks and scheduling falls on me, because day shift doesn’t have time for a lot of that sort of thing. That’s fine. But the other employees who work nights flat out refuse to do any of the “difficult” tasks (I’m not exaggerating on this, a lot of them think they can just come in and nap on nights) and it has somehow become “my” job to handle all of them. Tbh I liked this at first because I like things done my way and I feel the way the other employees do certain things is pretty abysmal, despite me showing them the correct way over and over. However the tasks have increased over the years and I can’t keep up anymore. I have brought this to my managers attention and all she ever says is “I’ll talk to them” and nothing ever changes. I tried telling the other night staff that I can’t keep up and they need to start pulling their weight- I even offered to show them how to do some of the specialized tasks AGAIN but nothing changed. There had been some turnover and I’ve trained the new night workers who seem agreeable but the work is still somehow all left to me. There’s a running joke that certain tasks are just “____’s job so don’t worry about it.”
I take a month of vacation every year. The past few years I’ve tried to get as much work done ahead of time before I go because I know if I don’t there’s going to be a shit show when I get back. As I said the work has increased and I’ve been incredibly burnt out. Even if I wanted to I could not get more than a weeks worth of work done ahead of time before I left for holidays this year (work that is supposed to be everyone’s job, not just mine). I knew this was going to be a problem but I figured it would be a good time for the other employees to figure out how to do some of this stuff (stuff I have shown them how to do before but might prove a bit challenging if you are out of practicing for NEVER DOING IT).
Well it’s been just over a week and they’ve already bombarded me with calls and texts because they can’t seem to figure anything out. I told them not to bug me on my holidays and blocked the number, not before my coworker called me an asshole for not taking the time to walk her through something that she should have been doing all along (not to mention we have a manual on this particular task and a support person you can call 24/7 if you have questions). So am AITA here?
Also: I feel it’s worth mentioning that I don’t have a pay raise for change of title for doing any of this extra stuff, I just have pride in my work and don’t like seeing our workplace in disarray.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
F3O3PwmejamPK7VZF08wkA17T2rdKa6b
|
apwyt2
|
{
"description": "trying to get my boyfriend to have sex last night when he said he was busy",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 29
}
|
AITA for trying to get my boyfriend to have sex last night when he said he was busy...
|
Last night he came home from work and I was in the shower. When I came downstairs he was sitting at the table on his laptop and he seemed really stressed. I said hi and went and gave him a kiss and he said hi and kissed me back but he carried on doing whatever he was doing and didn’t really acknowledge me. I sat on his lap and was like what’s up? He was like it’s just work, so I started to unbutton his shirt and kiss him and I was like forget about work now. He was like Im sorry I can’t I really need to get this done, I was like well it can wait you’ve been working all day. Then he pushed my hand away and was like for fucks sake. I was like what? he was like I told you I need to get this done, do you ever listen? I was like wow...I’m sorry, and walked off. I grabbed my keys and went for a drive. He rang me like 5 mins later and I didn’t pick up so he messaged me saying he was sorry he snapped at me and told me to come home.
I dunno if I’m being oversensitive but it upset me was because he knows I’ve been having a hard time recently. I get really low at times and when he’s been at work all day I kinda expect his attention to be on me when he gets home.
I know he’s stressed out. He just taken over this company and has a lot to sort out. I know he works hard so he can give me and his daughter the best life possible, and I really respect him for how hard he works but I didn’t like the way he spoke to me when I was just trying to make him feel better. And he’s never turned down sex before so it was just really weird for him...
I stayed out for a while and when I got home he said he was sorry. I said it was fine but I was going to bed. He tried to have sex with me and I pushed him off and said I wasn’t in the mood.
Was i the asshole for not listening to him when he said he was busy?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 28,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 29
}
|
WRONG
|
DH7MH2cRluslrdGe34QTE0KSouR7ih0R
|
a7o1s1
|
{
"description": "feeling off about her drinking with her guy friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling off about her drinking with her guy friend?
|
My live in partner(female) has a guy friend who she drinks with, almost on a weekly basis, and it bothers me. I was once invited to hang out with them, but turned it down because I was not feeling upto it on that day. I have since not been invited.
Background info: she canceled Christmas dinner, which was to be with me, and planned to have the exact same food with him on the 23rd. The cause of the cancellation was me voicing my wanting to go on a trip with my family (whom she detests and does not want me to see) , after asking whether she had plans for Christmas (which she usually spends with her parents and daughter from a previous relationship).
Further background info: this guy has initiated kissing her about 11 months ago and apparently she turned him down.
She's there right now, despite them having plans on Sunday as well.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
UqACULlmIsV7gT11W92Dv7AbCfRDYaNY
|
a4gsk4
|
{
"description": "telling my stepdad to \"man up and get a job\"",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my stepdad to "man up and get a job"?
|
So here's my story. My mom divorced my father about 10 years ago. She then married my step-father, who seemed like a good guy for the first few years. My mom and him had my step-sister. It was after my mom's maternity leave end that things starting going downhill. He left his job to start up his company (it may or may not be relevant to say that my mom is 45, step-dad 43, me 16, and my sister 4). He never got much done, only some research from the library/online. My mom makes OK money, but not enough to cover the expenses of a day-care age child and a pre-uni teen. We have to constantly borrow money from our relatives, which my mom takes as a sign of defeat. He recently 'looked' for a job, and did not even land an interview. He doesn't give a shit about our financial crisis and insists he can make enough for a 500K house in less than 2 years. He even stole money from my and my sister's money (\~$300 total before noticing since my sister does not use her money), so we had to store me and my sister's money in the bank. He denied the theft. He broke my computer and his own, costing over $1,000 to replace/fix. He denied this. Even worse, he forced my mom to spend 5,000 on a wedding this year, and keeps on pushing to spend more. I recently bought some $70 headphones, and he got mad. He accused me of wasting money (it was mine) and said i waste too much money on 'useless' extracurriculars and lessons. I snapped and told him to "man up and get a job". AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
7lE9o2FG0sTBPz64sGlipOGZz3WbocOx
|
b2hojv
|
{
"description": "giving my sister an ultimatum",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for giving my sister an ultimatum
|
Our father is living with me due to his age. He doesn’t require physical help but more company and reminders to take his meds etc. My daughter and I will be touring several colleges out of state this summer. I have sold my fathers house went through decades of items to move him in with me plus all the work required to move him out of state to my house all on my own with zero help or offers from my brother or sister. My brother wants nothing to do with any of us because we are still in touch with his ex wife and mother of his children. My sister lives on her own by herself, no kids, no pets, no job, no SO nothing. She has a cleaning lady four days a week provided by the state because she has a handicap (CP) which just affects her walking pattern. And also because she is a hoarder and doesn’t clean up or throw anything away. I have cleaned her apartment too many times to count, spent God only knows how much money on her over the years for various things, bring her to my house for every holiday, take her out to eat and the movies every time I’m in town etc. finally for my question. I am considering telling her if she can’t get her house clean enough for our father to stay with her for a few days to give me a break from him and so I can go out of town with my daughter than I’m done with her. It would cost her nothing and my father even said he would pay her some money each time he stays at her place, which she definitely could use. I think it’s extremely selfish for her not to at least try to help me. I have done everything she has ever asked of me and now I need her help. I even offered to help clean the place for him. She is the only family I have to ask and she knows this. She also knows I’ve been taking care of our father alone all this time. Please give me some advice!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
ETrPlI6ZkoPzb8y5z2Mo5XtQmGBC1fWr
|
b2b1cb
|
{
"description": "being upset on my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being upset on my birthday?
|
So it’s my 16th birthday today and to sum it up it’s been a bit shit.
It started with me waking up at 9 while my parents are at work (of course this is all good, I like my alone time anyway) I don’t see my mum till 11.
I go into the lounge and she’s set a nice array of gifts on the table with balloons and a banner and she seems quite excited about it all, as was I.
I open the presents and my Dad comes from work (he works in a live in restaurant) to watch a few and the presents are really nice and thoughtful and above and beyond necessary as I didn’t ask for anything. I thanked her profusely and gave her a hug and all the lot.
After that, I didn’t see my mum properly until around 5, she seemed to be slightly snappy at me so I generally kept me distance until we went for dinner with my Dad.
It started off quiet and I suggested we play cards. My mum refused. I complained as I thought it would be fun and ignite some conversation I jokingly said ‘it’s my birthday’ and she then claimed she already spent loads of money on my birthday.
This put a slight damper on the evening but we managed to move past it when we had our meal, which was generally pretty poor. My mum was being kind of argumentative but I changed the subject when this happened and nothing erupted.
We went home and did the whole cake thing, she got angry at my dad for not singing and then she wanted a photo of us. I made a mistake with the photo and I offered to take another but she replied ‘if anything every happens you’ll wonder why we don’t have any photos’. After that my Dad cut the cake and they sat watching a TV drama which they know I hate.
On top of this, I didn’t get any birthday messages from the people I’d expect. I called it a night early and my mums upset that I’m being cold.
Overall I just feel like my mum used her gifts as a compromise to treating me like it’s my birthday. A birthday is a once a year occurrence where it’s about me for a day and I don’t think it’s too much to expect a little extra kindness and attention but am I being ungrateful and over dramatic?
TL;DR My birthday felt insincere due to not being treated as such and I think my mum used presents as a method of self-approval and as a replacement for genuine kindness, nostalgia and family bonding (as a birthday should be)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ospZVtrvHcc9PPEWUyvUGPk56ZuGmHQf
|
b5x92j
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend
|
So some back story, I was in Ecuador for school for 2 weeks. It was kinda stressful and definitely took a lot out of me.
When I was coming home, my girlfriend asked if she could come over, I said yes, but I don't want to do anything crazy I just want to relax and have some downtime since I'd basically been doing things non stop for the past 2 weeks in Ecuador. Then she asks if my friend could come over as well because I live with my sister and she had been trying to set my sister and my friend up for a couple weeks. At first I said no because I knew I would be tired from traveling and plus I was stressed because I had gotten behind on a lot of work and my friend was not a very relaxed person, he is more of a do all kinds of crazy shit kinda person, breaking things and me constantly having to stop him from doing something stupid. But she pleaded and pleaded and said that if he came over she would help control him and that we wouldn't have to do anything too exciting we could just hang out on the porch etc.
Anyway the day finally comes and so I get home and I see every one and then I go and sit down on the couch to relax cause I'd just been flying for roughly 16 hours. Everyone immediately starts ragging on me about how I'm being boring and I'm usually not like this and how we have to do something exciting. I look to my girlfriend because I thought she would step in to help me but no, she starts saying the same things and saying that I'm being a buzzkill. I tried to defend myself to no avail. Then, when I tried to talk to my girl, she won't talk to me because I wasn't excited enough to see her. By this point I was pretty pissed and when I unpacked a 110 dollar rum I had bought in Ecuador, every one flocked to me asking for a drink. But as I said I was pretty mad so I said no, there is beer in the fridge. My girlfriend cried because I was being mean but I honestly just felt betrayed.
Was I a bit extreame? I felt that my actions were justified as I had previously told her multiple times I didn't want to do anything too insane.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
QY74HEOInmOG9jygtuk6fCceBGFW7458
|
atbmlv
| null |
WIBTA If My Friend and I Arranged a Sleepover Without my Brother?
|
For some context, my brother has been friends with someone for years before me, but this year I also became friends with him since we now go to the same school. He has talked to me about his friendship with my brother, and how he often feels like he isn't supportive. My brother says these little small things like "you're bad" or "you're fat" as a joke to people, but the problem is he doesn't stop when asked to. My brother doesn't know boundaries, and as a result, this friend of his considers me a closer friend than him. We have recently been talking about arranging a sleepover, and the plans only included me. He told me he was fine with my brother coming over too, since they are still friends no matter their differences, it's just he only wanted me to come over since my brother has been over multiple times by himself, even when him and I were friends.
​
My real problem lies with my mom, since she believes that not inviting him would be exclusion, and wouldn't allow me to go. However, I don't know if that is really true. I have been really confused on if it would be asshole-y to not invite him even though he has gone over by himself multiple times.
​
So, WIBTA if we only arranged a sleepover for ourselves?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
iaXdJ6XuZr1ODExMejCHmLxLI0ilWD5n
|
b7syk8
|
{
"description": "not going with my family to NYC",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going with my family to NYC?
|
So my family wants to take a trip to New York City. However, I’ve never been much of a traveling person. Am being an asshole for not wanting to go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 5
}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
d0N96NCakwAtwXMy4YDQ0eC71V40oc1v
|
ax0o9r
|
{
"description": "making my girlfriend pay half the bills",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
AITA for making my girlfriend pay half the bills
|
My girlfriend and I have been together for one year. We recently just moved into a new home together. I make roughly $2500 a week after taxes while she makes $350 a week. The house is in her name because I don't have the greatest credit. She is obviously living at the house 365 days of the year with her 5 year old while I work out of town roughly 20 days out of the month. She has asked me to pay for the bills so that she isn't broke all of the time since I make substantially more than her. Before I got this job, I was making only $650 a week after taxes while we lived at her grandparents for free before she found me this connection for my current job. Am I an asshole for asking her to pay any of the bills?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 27
}
|
WRONG
|
Yk2lOmWBlhTTQz82s38T30pXLMfFyWYz
|
aipbdd
| null |
AITA if after not responding to my messages or talking to me/hanging out for almost a year now I cut neglectful friends out of my life?
|
Okay so context I’m a guy who was best friends with two girls all throughout high school (and arguably college/uni), they were there for me all of the time as I was for them and I had a lot in common with them as did they me. Basically I would’ve done anything for them and they would have for me, typical ride or die best friends when you’re in high school and the like I’m sure some of you can relate to what I mean.
Anyway, we graduate high school and college and kinda start to go our own ways finding our own paths, whatever, but here’s where I wonder if I’m the asshole.
One friend ended up meeting a guy in another country and not even after a year of dating him has decided she wants to move there with him to travel with and marry him which is whatever people can do what they want, but it starts to annoy me when every word out of her mouth is about him and her future plans while I can’t relate as a single guy who at the time was looking for work and volunteer opportunities. (I currently volunteer). AITA for being happy for her but wanting to talk to her about anything OTHER than her boyfriend? Needless to say we haven’t talked in forever because of this and even before I gave up and blocked her on everything she didn’t message me for nine months, and when she did she was drunk.
The second friend got married to a guy she met elsewhere as well, and though I did what I could to support her (she and I thankfully talked about other things aside from her relationship,) she also stopped responding to messages and emails for nine months or so, almost a year with them both now, at a certain point. To which I did the same as before and after awhile blocked her everywhere because it was obvious she wasn’t going to make time for me but could go hang out with her family and husband. She now has a kid and recently I heard she was complaining about feeling alone while raising them. Maybe she wouldn’t feel so alone if she hadn’t ripped everyone who cared out of her life for just her husband and kid.
The kicker is that I live 45 minutes away from both of these former friends as we all still live in the same city currently, but due to health restrictions can’t drive out to see them and it’s also not that easy to take public transit due to those limitations. (My situation in that sense makes me feel like I am the asshole because a lot of people will probably ask me why I just don’t go see them if it’s not easy but do-able,) but even if I did make trips out to see them I still don’t think they’d want to spend time together seeing as how little they care when I try to send them a message to reach out and connect.
Long story short, what do you think? Am I the asshole for cutting these friends that have no interest in hanging out (and who have become toxic) out of my life, or should I be giving them more chances even if I am ultimately let down again in the long run? As of right now it feels like they’re both dead to me as I am to them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
j4lE3Fvihs7NuSAiRlRHlBC4Iy6gsaPc
|
a5508j
|
{
"description": "trusting the words of two different t-mobile representatives, the result being (another) major hassle",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trusting the words of two different T-Mobile representatives, the result being (another) major hassle?
|
I ordered -- or tried to order -- a new iPhone over the phone with a representative only to, according to her, have the computer glitch, so she cancelled the order...or so I thought. We ordered a second iPhone on the spot, only to have the first order end up going though. I used my boyfriend's credit card with his permission given and now both orders have come through, so he has been charged for both devices.
I spoke to another representative a few days ago and they actually stopped the original iPhone order during transit and had it sent back to the shipper, which is who it's on its way to currently. My man will now have to wait up to ten days after the warehouse receives the 1st order to get a refund. This entire ordeal has had him super pissed off at me and T-Mobile and myself very stressed out to the point of tears due to his reaction.
​
His reasoning is that it's my fault -- partially, at least -- because I "should have known better" than to trust what these people say, since we had another incident 2 years prior. My reasoning is that it was different this time because, unlike last time, I got consistent information with the 2 representatives, so I thought it was OK to go ahead and order another phone.
​
I guess I should have waited a couple of days to make sure the charge for the 1st iPhone didn't go through but that never even occurred to me -- I honestly believed it got canceled and he was not going to be charged for it.
I've been in tears more than once over this whole fiasco, mostly due to his rage. AITA? Is he? Perhaps we both are?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
uD4E6GtGmM6hSiWu05Q8EZqKmlBOKJSE
|
azuf5a
|
{
"description": "stopping inviting my friend over to my house",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I stopped inviting my friend over to my house?
|
Throwaway account because my friends know my real account.
Me(17M) and my group of friends(17M) hang out a lot, and whenever we hang out it usually happens at my house (It might be important to note that whenever we hang out we're usually high). My mom works two jobs so she isn't around often which is why my house is where we all meet. The problem begins with my one friend, let's call him Steve, and his tendency to break things and make a mess. Recently he's been going over the top, breaking things, making messes, and then not cleaning it up. For example, within the past week, he's broken my shower curtain bar, stained my carpet, broke a laundry drying rack, and left various dirty dishes around the house for me to clean up.
The problem begins with the fact that Steve has tried to take his own life. He's tried twice now and I don't want to do anything that could cause another attempt. I've mentioned to him multiple times that he can't keep making these messes and breaking things but he never listens. My mom is getting fed up to coming home with the house being a mess, and I don't know what to do.
I'm considering not inviting him over to my house anymore, maybe just for a couple of weeks so he gets the message, but I don't want to be the cause of another attempt at his life.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
h8HDAmNkR5ZTQgMo6dACITm8j9xPJHGD
|
aq3cz6
| null |
Aita wife(32f) of 5y wants a new engagement ring with bigger solitaire.
|
Context - We have been married for 5years now. When I asked her to marry me I got her an engagement ring with a solitaire and the whole 9 yards.
Our lives have changed for the better in the last few years and we have both moved to a more developed country and also with better jobs. My wife now wants a better ( more exp) engagement ring with a bigger solitaire. To be fair to her, most people around us do wear rings bigger than hers.
Also, to afford the new ring that she wants we will have to sell her current engagement ring.
I feel incredibly hurt when she asks for a bigger ring. Not because I don’t want her to have that, but mostly because it hurts me that something of such sentimental value and makes me feel insufficient. I feel like an asshole stopping her for getting something she wants. Aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
waFxudq0oJLxtHIpRqqSO5MxwjYl5VmV
|
b4xybu
|
{
"description": "cutting my friend out my life because she doesn't want anything more",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for cutting my friend out my life because she doesn’t want anything more?
|
So we had this girl start at our work about 8 months ago now and I was immediately attracted to her but I didn’t want to be too forward Incase things got awkward at work. I decided I’d try and become friends with her whilst flirting and see what happened down the line and she seemed into it. We really hit it off and were constantly talking, even going out for lunch together from time to time. A few months later we even started FaceTiming/calling each other in the evenings and I begun to fall for her.
A couple months later I decided the time was right to ask her on an official “date” I was sure she was going to say yes but when it came down to it she was very non committal in her answer - “I’m busy at the moment but maybe in a few weeks” I thought that’s fair enough, not a no I’ll try again. We were still talking on a daily basis so I asked again a few weeks later and got a similar response.
I tried a final time and on the most recent occasion confessed to her that I have developed feelings for her and I couldn’t be her friend anymore. She told me that she “adored” me but she wasn’t sure what she wanted and is not in a place to have anything romantic currently. I like and care about her so much I just wanted to know if I had any chance at all but she would never say for sure. Finally I decided that it was too much for me and told her I had to stop talking to her.
I feel awful and do miss talking to her but I can’t be her friend, I’ll always want something more...Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
eu7o2fhNNYLBnLntMiixg0wtfKh5HExo
|
aqodhu
| null |
AITA My [24M] friends/colleagues are making me feel bad for agreeing to a holiday without my girlfriend [23F]
|
My parents found an amazing deal to travel to Canada for a week's holiday in the arctic. It's a limited time offer, but it's considerably cheaper than it would be normally, and \*way\* cheaper than peak tourist season. I'd love to go and experience it, however my girlfriend is a teacher, and therefore can't get time off outside holidays. I spoke to her, and she was happy for me to go, given that it was a unique experience and a cheap deal.
Of course, I will still go away with my girlfriend during the holiday periods she has off, this isn't a one or the other scenario. However, when I've mentioned that I am going without my girlfriend, a few of my friends and colleagues have remarked that it's quite rude, and must make her feel bad. They think I should wait until she can come with me. I'd usually agree, but this deal wouldn't be available, and I wouldn't be able to go with my family.
She's said it was fine for me to go, and seemed perfectly sincere. Whilst I do feel bad she can't come with me, I'll make sure we also have a lovely holiday together when she does have time off work. I don't think we have to do \*everything\* together, however I'd like some outside perspective.
Should I not go, and simply wait until my girlfriend could come?
\---
TLDR: My girlfriend works as a teacher so cannot join me on a family holiday, however my friends think it is rude of me to go away without her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QB6q8PZTS1abTgr302ERa3FeXEc7OToX
|
b2ajnj
| null |
AITA over piercing and inviting friend instead of SO
|
To preface this I love ear piercings and have several, however my SO does not like them. He has made rude comments in the past but because I love them I just say that I like them and that's what matters. I wanted to get one recently and had asked him to come with and he grumbled about it and never gave me a straight answer. I was at work talking about piercings with one of my (very) gay coworkers/friends and he mentioned he wanted to get a piercing, so I asked if he would want to go and he agreed. My SO and I have had some problems in the past over my friend, because he thinks it's inappropriate to have a male friend, however with him being gay there is obviously no romantic feelings, and I have said repeatedly that nothing will happen and he is a good friend. He has female friends including his ex that he hangs out with, which I am not a fan of but hey we are adults and I am not going to dictate his friends since I don't want him to do the same to me. Because we are adults I went ahead and got it done the same day. Later I showed my SO my piercing and he got upset with me asking how dare I asked my friend to go with and not tell him and that I shouldn't have gone with another guy. I told him that he has insulted me in the past over it, and never gave me a clear answer so I assumed he didn't want to go. He got upset and said he would have gone since it's something I enjoy. I feel guilty about going without him, but because of his remarks previously and not giving me an answer I didn't see the big deal. AITA in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
fZv5p5Yw5XlIyIEftcX04FrAwsX4uzgK
|
a8m8dh
|
{
"description": "criticizing my vegan mother",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for criticizing my vegan mother?
|
My mom is vegan. She’s been vegan for a year, and she’s really grown to fit the stereotype. She tells everyone that she’s vegan, and asks them to try her vegan foods.
She has a friend who called her recently. Her friend told her that she’s recently got into “meat jelly” (I know it’s very strange) and that meat jelly is very beneficial to your health. My mom was SO OFFENDED. She said, “she knows i’m vegan! why would she say that to me!!!!!”
I told her, “maybe how you feel now is how other people feel when you preach your lifestyle.” And she got SO BOTHERED by that. She said things like “At least my lifestyle doesn’t kill anybody!” and got mad at me for “being a jerk”
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
eerUK9wIFOnPKNAs4BvaBhxTi1uTsfaP
|
ars5u3
|
{
"description": "cheating in Poker",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for cheating in Poker?
|
So every week me and my friends always meet up for poker. We usually play around 4 hours of Poker, the buy in is $4.00 with a minimum bet of $0.02. Lately one of my friends has been losing a lot. He has been losing so much that he has stated that he has considered dropping poker night. I certainly don't want this to happen so I came up with a sort of solution. While I am no card shark, I certainly know my way around a deck of cards. I've been rigging the deck so everyone thinks that people don't loose too badly. This in mind, Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
v1U8LBMUsl7SSNdJV6aXh3g5IYMf0J4i
|
ankcsz
|
{
"description": "being to cut off and ghost my crush (who sees me as her best friend) after she got into a relationship with another person",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
WIBTA if I were to cut off and ghost my crush (who sees me as her best friend) after she got into a relationship with another person?
|
I'll start of with some context. I (23year old living in The Netherlands) got a job which requires me to travel to the UK every once in a while. About a year ago I met this girl (22 yo) there. We get to talk, we enjoy our time together, create a friendship and exchange contact information to stay in touch while I was back home.
We chat for hours daily. Sending random stuff, talking about work, school,..., Sometimes randomly flirting with eachother etc. During our chats she made clear however that I'm a good friend of her and that her feeling are platonic. No problem for me, since I wasn't that interested in her anyway. During another deep talk she mentioned she completely dislikes the idea of long term relationships.
Some time passes by and as I help her through some hard moments, I started getting feelings for her. They were clearly one sided because I was still the 'best friend', so I kept quiet. Not much later (about 5 months ago) she (accidentally) let out that she recently met a guy and started working to a relationship. It had hurt, but what can I do...? After some talking she also reveals the guy is from Denmark (and came to the UK for some sort of conference) and it's basically a long distance relationship. This hits even harder because I thought the ldr (which she said she disliked) was something that would make it impossible between us. Clearly, she disliked the idea if it included me.
After a month of hearing stuff of how nice the guy is etc (and me dying from the inside), they get into a fight and I have to spent another few weeks comforting her etc. She was completely broken and swore she would never get into a ldr again. (Bad luck for me I guess). After a bit she got back up and things seemed to be alright. It was back to our fun messages and talks without any mentions of other people.
Last week I found through a friend and with the help of social media that the 2 are trying a ldr again. It was also clear she was hiding this from me. A pic of them together was posted on his Instagram on the same day she told me she was busy because she "had to meet family" that night. It just sucks, I don't know how to explain the feeling but I feel like it will continue as long as I'm with her. So I have pretty much decided I'm going to cut her off. (I'm pretty sure about this decision which is why I'm not posting it on the relationship_advice subreddit). The only thing I'm not sure about is how to do it. I feel like telling her my feelings might mess her up now that she's just gotten into a new relationship again, so I think I could just disappear from the picture and let the 2 be. (Also, if they get into a fight again, I don't want to be the one having to comfort her again in all honesty)
Tl; Dr. Crush is seeing other guys and clearly not interested in me. This kills me so I'm thinking of cutting her off without any explanation.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
htG6a0bOjXvKMNFCE3emtslmiVoYkdY6
|
av27fc
|
{
"description": "scattering up my sons toys in retaliation after he scattered the cards I was playing with after I told him not to",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 31
}
|
AITA: I [32m] scattered up my sons [2m] toys in retaliation after he scattered the cards I was playing with after I told him not to.
|
This is probably better in r/parenting but here it is anyhow. My son is 2 and a half, and he likes to arrange his toy cars in a neat row. He gets VERY angry when you move a car out of line, and so I generally try to respect “his” toys and leave them be.
Anyway, he had a bunch of flash cards (numbers, alphabet, etc) and they were in a big messy pile. I was sorting them out while he was playing in the room with me (with other toys) when he came over to look at what I was doing. I could tell he wanted to mess up my neat piles, so I asked him very politely and seriously not to mess up my piles. He got a mischievous look on his face and then batted all the cards all over the room. I got up, walked over to his cars, and said “I asked you not to mess up my cards, and you did it anyway, so now I’m gonna mess up your cars” and I calmly scattered them all around. He flipped out and started crying, and I explained to him that if he wants people to respect his things, he needs to be nice to other people too.
I was trying to use this as a teaching moment for him, but I honestly just feel bad about the whole thing in hindsight and wonder if I made the right move. In the moment, I felt like it was the most appropriate way of teaching a toddler, since his language and comprehension skills are not completely developed yet. AITA for going the “eye for an eye” route with him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 28,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 31
}
|
WRONG
|
iRB2DlV9NTAbTsAloKhTjLOmbhrmNahC
|
ahthpi
|
{
"description": "being upset with my mom for not being able to cover her half of the rent",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being upset with my mom for not being able to cover her half of the rent?
|
I moved back in with my mom in October to help her cover her bills as she has been suffering from some illnesses and has no insurance.
She has been effected by the government shutdown as a contractor and told me that I would have to cover more than my half of the bills.
Honestly I expressed my frustration with this. As I wasn’t expecting to have to cover them with no chance of being paid back. She then told me that maybe she should move out because she can’t handle having a roommate who is going to press her out over the rent. I guess she’s thinking that since I’m her son I should be fine with dipping into my meager savings to paying more than my half of the bills. Also I’ve noticed her spending patterns haven’t changed and she is still making some frivolous purchases.
It’s hard for me to accept having to pay more than my fair share of rent when I see my roommate in this case still spending frivolously. I mean the same would go if I was spending out of my budget and couldn’t afford rent. She admitted that she was close to being able to afford her share but she would have to be very cautious with her money.
TLDR:
Splitting rent+bills with mom
AITA for being upset with my mom and “pressing” her out over her being able to pay her half
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
fgQmx4PuPFvYOqdPaUF83WRMp5e8LeRO
|
ab2c9q
|
{
"description": "cutting ties with my brother if he doesn't go to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for cutting ties with my brother if he doesn't go to my wedding.
|
Backstory: I saw my brother cry for the first time not over death when I left for college in 2013. He has been in drugs and such since then but I think he has his life straighter at this point. Ever since I left he has a hatred towards me because I would side with my mom (single parent of 3 boys) and show her respect.
​
Fast forward to last month: I asked him to be part of my wedding this coming April (Groomsman). He said he would when I first proposed to my girlfriend in June 2018. Now we picked a wedding date not on his birthday because he threw a fit about it. So we picked out the following Friday, which turns out to be his girlfriend's 21st birthday. I said sorry but that's the date we picked and saved up to 8k when booking at this venue. So he is all mad about it. I told him if he wants to make a big deal about it great she doesn't have to come. And now he is not coming cause supposedly I don't want his girlfriend there.
AITA for wanting to cut ties with him if he doesn't come to my wedding over a birthday party?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
9WiImjFBRZgVLo0NtuzhwBdp2qyai9vf
|
a3g99y
|
{
"description": "not doing my dishes straight away",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not doing my dishes straight away?
|
Context:
I've been living in my apartment for about a year and a half now. About 3 months ago one of my roommates' (A) girlfriend moved in with us. She brought 3 guinea pigs and a rabbit. I didn't want the animals, but A really wanted her to move in, so I okay'ed it on the condition that they stay in their room 100% of the time. When she moved in, she took control of all cleaning and put up a board of chores that everyone must do once a week. I didn't think this was a bad idea, and wanted to avoid confrontation, but I thought it was strange and honestly kind of rude for a newcomer. She is generally very picky about how she wants the apartment environment. Prior to her moving in this was never an issue.
​
Where I'm at right now:
Sometimes, in the morning, I'll leave dishes in the sink with the intention of doing them when I get home after class, or I'll leave dishes in the sink before I go to sleep and get them either in the morning or after class again. Regardless, I never leave dishes in the sink for more than 24 hours. She very regularly sends passive-aggressive texts about dirty dishes in the sink. Roommate A has just changed his patterns and now washes his dishes immediately after use, and Roommate B just doesn't want to deal with her shit so he does it too. I honestly respect that she wants to keep a clean apartment, but I also feel like I already compromised quite a bit for her, and I honestly think this should be a non-issue.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
IfsWoUSqF9mOVwq07OoCuwENWcoTmkCa
|
ah1ml4
|
{
"description": "selling furniture that was given to me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I sold furniture that was given to me?
|
So, I wasn't actually involved in this apart from being a bystander. But basically, my parents gave my brother a couch when he moved out, and he sold it. Or rather...his girlfriend sold it. They moved out together, so I suppose it was given to both of them. I don't know if it makes a difference. They didn't have it too long before they sold it, and it wasn't like it was old or worn out.
Anyways, it was a few years ago, but I still get to hear the complaining once in a blue moon. Was it a dick move on their part? Or were they being overdramatic that they sold it? I mean, I assume it wasn't being lent to them so I don't know if they expected it back, or what. Who the hell *lends* a couch anyways? What do you guys think?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Z2ZX3ziGVI3JOJrVadzYklNpLiTgUGgz
|
a1b107
|
{
"description": "calling out my ex boyfriend for something that I thought was pretty scummy",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling out my ex boyfriend for something that i thought was pretty scummy?
|
So about a month and a half ago, my boyfriend (21M) and I (19F) broke up. We'll call him EB for Ex-Boyfriend. It was a pretty good relationship and we decided we wanted to try and stay friends, but first we decided to give each other space in order to heal up and move on. Before this point, I sometimes messaged him to see if he was doing okay, but I would end my messages with "if you need me to keep giving you space, that's fine just let me know" and we would have some short, but non hostile conversations.
So fast forward to the other day. We reach out to check in and see how we are doing. I ask him how his holiday was, he asks me how I am. I tell him I got called into my sorority's disciplinary program for issues with alcohol, and making offensive jokes. (I know offensive jokes are only tasteful in some situations. I wasn't making the jokes to any of the girls, but to my friends, and someone overheard them and reported it to the disciplinary program).
After I told him that, he sent some pretty hurtful messages. This is how our conversation went (I'm shortening some of the messages, but I'm keeping the context and not trying to make the messages biased):
Me: Yeah I got called into the disciplinary program again.
EB: Yeah dude, they don't want you around anymore. They want to kick you out, but they don't have enough so they're waiting until you quit.
Me: It sucks, I really loved it when I first joined.
EB: I think they got sick of you tbh. Your shitty behavior spirals out of control when you aren't being monitored.
So at this point, I was getting pretty upset. He brought up a few very personal things, that I felt like were inappropriate for him to talk about since we are not dating anymore. So,then I called him out on something that happened right before we broke up. Basically, the last time we hung out, he really wanted to have sex. I really didn't, but he was pretty persistent. I was stern and said no, so he \*did it himself\* if you get my gist. I told him that it felt like he knew he was going to break up, so he wanted to get one last round in. EB's reply was this:
EB: No, my balls were just full. The fact we had a hot and cold sex life sucked a lot and caused me a ton of frustration in the relationship. I figured it was considerate to rub one out rather than try to force myself on you, which I'm not sure was an unintentional pattern. You treat people like things, and this is an example of that.
I didn't reply to this. I honestly felt pretty hurt by that.
A few minutes later he says:
EB: All I have been is nice to you since the breakup, and you've only treated me like shit. Never talk to me again.
​
So AITA for calling him out on something that really hurt me when we broke up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
hpNzjh4I3NaoBaCsV1siCPYpUNMAfDFi
|
ad7fwi
|
{
"description": "removing a feral cat community",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA For removing a feral cat community?
|
Two months ago my girlfriend and our dog moved into a new apartment complex. We selected the unit that was adjacent to the dog park and were very excited about our new venture. On move in day we noticed a cat and food dish besides our stairs. I dismissed it thinking the cat belonged to a neighbor but our dog did not dismiss the knowledge of a cat outside.
That evening we went out for a walk to relax and the same cat was by our door. Two cats across the street and several under cars or on top of cars all checking out the new dog in the neighborhood. As we walked we noticed the same white styrofoam food dishes scattered around the buildings.
Fast forward: we learn there is a cat lady who does a great job caring for this quite large feral community.
So why is it a problem. We can not keep a blind or curtain on any window longer than a day. There are approximately 6 cats within site of our windows and/or that sit on our balcony railing and the dog go bonkers all day and night long. He chases from 1 window to the next.
We asked the lady the remove the dishes from our building and she did. They eat somewhere else and comeback here to rest and sleep.
We started filing complaints in the office and some organization is trapping the cats after 3 months. There are an estimated 20 cats on property. I feel like the asshole but there has been little serenity in my home since we moved in. I also feel horrible for the people that loved the cats.
AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
RIGHT
|
oqrTYL2OL2zsfyHSMpT9AQ9hsurpHCmK
|
b6tj7h
|
{
"description": "kicking my cat outside the bedroom",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for kicking my cat outside the bedroom?
|
Excuse my formatting, on mobile.
I live in a one-bedroom apartment with my fiance and my cat.
Every night, before we go to bed, we close our bedroom door, making sure she's outside of the bedroom. The heater and her bed are out there, as well as her food + water dish. So there's nothing we're depriving her of in terms of needs.
But...
It feels wrong. Sometimes she tries to dash in before I close the door and she just looks up at me with these sad eyes. And then in the morning she runs to me and needs to be held for a little bit.
My fiance says it's fine because she gets into all sorts of trouble in our bedroom (she likes to knock over cactuses and knock my glasses off the night stand). But it just feels assholeish to kick her out like that. I always worry that she'll get hurt and won't have a way to come to us for help?
Am I putting too much thought into this, or am I a genuine asshole for kicking her out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
F1JwWGSq9rIpvofI7IiZL4qONy578Ogt
|
9ys3jj
|
{
"description": "ghosting my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ghosting my girlfriend
|
I fell completely in love with a girl. She was real nice at first. She'd listen to everything I had to say and would make me feel better when I was feeling like shit. We had absolutely no secrets. But she started to become... clingy. I'm talking thirty messages about how mad she is that I'm not texting back... when she knew I had class. Not only that, but when she found out I self harmed, she assumed I was masochistic and decided to take stuff out on me. No bruises or broken bones, though. I still stayed with her and kept up the relationship, for some reason. But then, when I moved, I realized how nice it was not having her. Which is a horrible thing to say, I know, but I felt so free. I realized didn't want her angry blocks of messages anymore. But she was suicidal, and I was just so scared of breaking her heart. So, instead of breaking it off, I just... stopped texting her. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
wb4OYMmZayfsS5p30gz3cjqXhGQs9tWD
|
b1o9ea
|
{
"description": "finally speaking up and telling my friend that I don't approve of her on again off again boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for finally speaking up and telling my friend that I don’t approve of her on again off again boyfriend?
|
She’s been through a lot and I want her to always feel she can talk to me so that she never feels completely alone, but today I lost it when she told me that she’s back (AGAIN) with her *occasionally* abusive, way older than her, not-yet-divorced boyfriend. Did I break the friend code, or is it cool to tell her I think he’s a POS and WIBTA if I told her I don’t want to hear another word/complaint/anecdote about him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
yvBu9uEK73dciUPGYcU7JCZLgU6sPKeE
|
9ybw7r
|
{
"description": "not talking to my friend for not wishing me a happy birthday",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not talking to my friend for not wishing me a happy birthday?
|
My best friend and I (we’ll call her A for short) have been super close over the two years we’ve known each other. We’ve been through a lot of things, blah blah blah.
Anyways, it was my birthday today. I got a lot of happy birthday wishes from people, close friends and even people I don’t talk to that much... but I didn’t get any word from A, one of my closest friends from the past two years. We didn’t have any classes together this year and haven’t seen each other much, but we still talked and were best friends. We just haven’t talked as much due to these differences.
I haven’t really talked to her directly about the situation, much less talked to her directly at all. The fact that she hasn’t been on her devices much doesn’t really help either.
It’s just a dumb happy birthday wish, but I don’t know if I’m blowing it out of proportion. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
coWp22DeeMlcnKpmc1yv90sr0MK8VMiT
|
b7smgf
|
{
"description": "not wanting to do more than my job description says",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to do more than my job description says?
|
So I work in a Lowes, have now for a year. I recently left and came back from collage and changed my position to pickup desk from being a cashier.
My job is to look at the internet orders and gather them or find them for the delivery crew and put them in the spots they need to go for pick up etc.
Occasionally Ill help load an appliance that a customer ordered and is picking up. As well as help at the customer service desk when they get busy, while also occasionaly getting on a regester to get my line down.
Now reccently they've been pulling me to do loader jobs like cart gathering by my self(Over 85 carts), as well as making me go and unlock propane and grills which are jobs for a manager.
This is maing me fall behind on my work and then they get mad when the orders are not done in the morning. Making the opening coworker take care of it. Exspecting me to work over time hours for the loader jobs and my regular jobs without compensation. I cant stay over time because i have college work to do.
Now AITA for wanting to tell my managers I dont want to be doing loader jobs and to stop pulling me away to do other things making me fall behind on my job?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Enem2B5fHq5zJ3euuFuV7aRD5fFfY08r
|
arijpc
|
{
"description": "not wanting to shave my genitals",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to shave my genitals?
|
Forgive formatting and spelling issues-- on mobile.
Im (22f) in a relationship with a guy (26m) who is by all accounts awesome, caring, thoughtful, etc. We have a great relationship of about 5mo, the best i've ever been in.
A few months ago he started asking me to shave my pussy. This is something i havent done since high school. I obliged because its not a moral or principle thing for me, just preferred trimming to shaving. I did it a few times and each time it resulted in severe irritation and discomfort no matter what methods i tried or tools i used. It was so bad that i went to my gyno and she was like "please dont shave anymore."
I stopped shaving since then and now my bf asked me (nicely) tonight if i could shave my pussy and my legs going forward. I havent shaved my legs because its been cold and i dont care but i said i would going forward, but i refused re: my pussy because of the irritation, time necessary to do it and the vulnerability to stds (we are nonmonogamous). He got kind of upset and said it was distracting for him when having sex because it caused "friction." A fight ensued. We never fight, but its worth noting that one of the only other times we have has been about something similar.
Now we are not talking and going to bed silently. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
pBUTar5rs26oY153HNGoF7L18dq1Gog5
|
auaacc
|
{
"description": "telling my gf that she can be too dominating in social situations",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my GF that she can be too dominating in social situations?
|
Hey guys, gals & all in between. My GF and I have been going out for 3 years, its been great for the most part dotted with the usual few tiffles every couple experiences once in a while.
The other night I was out in the company of an older couple who I know (I'm in my was, they their 50s), but she didn't yet. They wanted to meet her and so I offered her the invitation for when she had finished work.
She arrived down an hour or two later on with her friend and we all got talking, but she was being a little overpowering to say the least.She is quite a theatrical person in ways, and has been told on occasion that her voice is too loud. I caught her a couple of times interrupting my older male friend mid-sentence to launch into what she had to say and I noticed his (mild, subdued) annoyance, compared to how he had been with me earlier on.
Anyways the night goes on and we say our goodbyes, they tell her what a lovely girl she was and it was a pleasure to meet her.
As we are walking home together I try to bring up that I believed it was rude to talk over people and that she had been a bit domineering in the conversation. I must stress that I tried to approach it tentitavely as she has a tendency to take things to heart very easily. She flipped out, the argument persisted all the way home and she ended up sleeping on the couch.
She is still not over what I said (this was about 4 days ago) and I have apologized for hurting her feelings & bought her roses ,but she claims that I am shattering her self-confidence and that she doesn't feel she knows how to speak around people now.
I admit that this is not the first time i have let her know how i feel when i believe she is wrong.
Im of the opinion that one of the most important things about relationships is that since you inevitably spend the most time with your other half you both have a duty to keep eachother in line and on the road to self-improvement. She feels that I am being too hard on her and "she will never be good enough so we might as well call it quits". Its tough to talk her out of these situations because when she is emotional i try to stay calm & speak logically, in an attempt to bring her back down to my level, but she sees it as me being condescending.
She made a reasonable point that "everyone" talks over eachother, and tbh I have caught myself doing it out of excitement before but I immediately notice myself, she seems completely unaware of herself at times.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xscNNo5aL1LaCnYwZYdNrvwbQijbfDa6
|
b4y444
|
{
"description": "getting upset that my girlfriend got drunk and slept at a guy friend's apartment",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for getting upset that my Girlfriend got drunk and slept at a guy friend's apartment?
|
Full disclosure this happened about a month ago and resulted in us breaking up. I recently discovered this subreddit and want some honest feedback for how i handled the situation and how to better go about things in the future. Constructive Criticism is always a good thing.
​
Essentially this girl and i started dating and were together for about a month. One night my friends and i went to a basketball game at our university and came back and started drinking and goofing off to have a good time.
My Gf was at her friends place drinking with his friend group. I didn't think much of it and was hoping that she was having a good time and was looking forward to seeing her for our date the next night.
​
Around midnight or so we stopped our on and off again friendly texting and i didn't think anything of it. I didn't hear anything from her again till around 1 the next day when she admitted she got drunk and spent the night on the guy friends couch at his apartment. She said she very heavily debated telling me as she knew what the optics of it looked like, but also swore nothing happened.
​
What made me beyond upset though was that she and her friend (who hadn't been drinking), drove all their other drunk friends back home. While she decided to go back to his place to spend the night instead of being dropped off. She said she did this because they are in the same club together and had an event the next morning and since his apartment is right next to campus it would be much easier to just spend the night and get up in the morning and go to it, rather than drive from her apartment which is a decent ways away.
​
I understood where she was coming from here but she still told me that the reason she didn't tell me the night off was that it would likely hurt my feelings. And then she decided to do it anyway and risk that. I felt like she overstepped huge boundaries my doing this and as a result i completely snapped at her cause of how upset i was.
​
I realize i need to better control my emotions and be more calm in that scenario. I was the asshole for how i got really mad at it, i apologized, but i know apologies don't always make things right. We broke up the next day as we just couldn't see eye to eye on the getting drunk and sleeping at another guys apartment thing.
​
Was I the asshole for getting upset at the drinking and falling asleep at another guys apartment?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
0yIMiiAlOFIFhoCG6bWxOV0aqufmmkPm
|
a0zepe
|
{
"description": "not wanting to take my boyfriend to the airport",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to take my boyfriend to the airport?
|
We are both in our late 40s, been together three years. He visits his elderly parents every year over Christmas, and in the time we've been together, I've driven him to and from the airport for these trips. I don't really like driving, and find situations like airports, where there's lots of traffic and lane changes and crowded parking garages, particularly stressful. There's also a distance factor: my boyfriend lives 30-45 from the airport depending on traffic, and I live another 25 minutes away in the opposite direction. I could spend the night at his place and shorten the drive one way, but it's still a long drive home for me. I'd like to get out of at least dropping him off this year - it's not like we do a big goodbye, I just pull up to the curb and he gets out. But this does seem like the sort of thing a girlfriend is supposed to do and I feel guilty not wanting to do it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
a0VJZvHzC6U0rDQUYyrqWyrIU9aP07nT
|
b4005m
|
{
"description": "not giving my friend a vape and saying it was a dumb idea later",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not giving my friend a vape and saying it was a dumb idea later?
|
I have a good friend J. Me and J have been friends for a few years now. I moved houses about 6 months ago. While we were cleaning it out (messy house) I found my sisters confiscated vape pen. I (teenage male) decide to throw it in a dumpster and post it to my snap story as a joke. I get about three replies asking if they can keep it. One is J. I’m reluctant at first and say no. J claims that he not only suffers from sleep anxiety and would use CBD in it, but also that his dad has a nicotine addiction that is ruining his parents marriage. I agree, but am extremely reluctant. Eventually I cave and throw it back into the dumpster, telling him my mom found it.
Fast forward to now, and me and a friend are talking in a group chat. Somehow the idea comes around that it was a dumb idea. He starts getting extremely mad at me. Saying I do not understand (multiple people in my family have died or are dying from nicotine addictions, so I take a lot of offense to this) and that I was being a dick. I truly didn’t understand why he was being so mad. I point out that it was morally right, but still dumb. And he gets even more defensive. Things have kind of cooled off, but I’m now curious, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
m4baSiej8HKRLYDR1AnX8hHwpS3IC9dj
|
az0gyg
|
{
"description": "wanting to call in when I havent had a day off in a month",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to call in when I havent had a day off in a month? (posted from mobile app)
|
My last day off was the 7th of February. I'm a Marine corps reservist, and I had drill Feb 8-10, and since then I've worked every day at my regular job (I work nights as a security officer), besides one shift where I called in right before the shift. I was sick (*very* sick). Any PTO I've tried to request has been denied; and besides working every day, I've also worked longer shifts almost all of them. It was on the schedule for me to get one of my "regular" days off tomorrow night, but as soon as I got to my first post, I got a call telling me that I had to come in tomorrow. Would it make me a buddy-fucker to call in anyway? And would it reflect badly on me as a person or employee knowing someone else would have to work a double to cover me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Es4oruK5aZWQ6Ah39f9XhxVTTWLT3JpL
|
a7jp58
|
{
"description": "wanting to spend time with my girlfriend without her kid around",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to spend time with my girlfriend without her kid around?
|
First, I’d like to say that my girl friend’s kid is great. She’s a sweet kid, who accepts me, so no problems there. My girlfriend and her ex share 50/50 custody of the kid, so she’s only around half the time as it is. The problem is that recently my girlfriend took a new job that requires her to travel out of town every two weeks. So now, whenever she is in town, it’s also her time to watch the kid. She and I recently moved in together, and it’s a pretty small place. The kid wants to hang out with us all the time (she’s 7), and my girlfriend lets her watch all of her kid tv shows and cartoons right in the living room where the main tv is. So basically, if I want to watch any adult or non-G-rated TV shows, I have to wait until the kid goes to sleep - which feels like never. Everything has to be baby friendly, so we can’t even have a normal adult discussion until the kid goes to bed, which, once again, seems like never. Every minute that I would normally spend with my girlfriend I now also must spend with her kid. We don’t get more than five minutes alone together lately because, right after the kid goes to bed, my girlfriend has to go to bed, too. So AITA for just wanting some time with her to myself without the kid around? Is it so wrong to want to watch a normal adult TV show, curse every once in a while, or slap my girl on the rear without having an audience - none of which I can currently do by the way because everything revolves around the baby. Is it so wrong of me to want to watch something on TV besides Mama Mia and Bobby Spongiepants or whoever? It was cute for maybe five minutes. Now It makes me want to hurl my TV out the window onto the asphalt five stories below.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
lipiw2NtgqZ8tJkzBuYzHisOgquf62fG
|
ahqd6z
|
{
"description": "dumping my bf because he's not a feminist",
"pronormative_score": 88,
"contranormative_score": 55
}
|
AITA For dumping my BF because he's not a feminist?
|
Been with my BF for about 6 months now and he's an amazing guy to be honest and We're both 23. But there's always been this one thing that bothers me is that he's not a feminist and none of his friends are. I get that most guys aren't but when I do jokingly press him on feminist ideas like say "you believe men and women are equal right" and he'll say of course but feminism isn't needed in western countries or something like that. It always pissed me off a bit but its just one part of him that I don't like so I deal with it. The more I hung out with his friends the more misogynistic jokes and stuff I found him laughing at and when I'd ask him about it he'd just say they're just jokes who cares? But deep down I do and it was irritating to me that he wasn't a feminist. Last week I ended things and told him why and he laughed and said wow thats a dumb reason to break up and said only an asshole breaks up with someone over political views.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 50,
"OTHER": 63,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 25,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 88,
"WRONG": 55
}
|
RIGHT
|
GqQdpFiBgY0lCnEPLMyEzmpoU43n8b1B
|
b369wv
|
{
"description": "getting offended by my family throwing a 1 year old party for my son",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting offended by my family throwing a 1 year old party for my son
|
Alt account. This happened a couple of months ago but I’m still annoyed.
So my partner and I decided that we didn’t want a big first birthday party for our daughter because over the years we have been to many parties and they aren’t something we ever really enjoyed going to let alone want to host. So we decided to just have a fun day with our daughter the day before her birthday and then have family drop in and see us on the Saturday which was her actual birthday.
My partner works some weekends and I was invited to go to my brothers house for lunch on the day after his birthday being a Sunday and the invite was just for lunch and to give my daughter a present, my parents would also be going for lunch as they had a prior engagement on the Saturday and couldn’t make it to see us on her birthday (which I was fine with). My partner was working and they knew this and it wasn’t a problem.
So I get to my brothers house and there is a balloon tied to the letter box which I didn’t think much of at first, when I get inside there are balloons everywhere and birthday banners and a full party setup. I was a bit taken aback because this was not what I would consider a normal lunch as I was pitched. I had an alright time and left to go home.
I am annoyed that they threw a party without telling me and also without my partner being there. I feel as though that they have disregarded our choice to not have a party and throw one anyway to show us up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
UuGpMreHRABJ2e0ONKNozmDpY0mRUVMi
|
avxuz4
|
{
"description": "snapping at a friend because I'm tired of people telling me \"you'll find your person?\"",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for snapping at a friend because I’m tired of people telling me “you’ll find your person?”
|
Look, so for starters no one is mad at anyone, but I’m trying to avoid people bugging me for it. So basically I’ve dated maybe 2 or 3 people, it never works out (not anyone’s fault, I just kill attraction because I don’t know how to stop coming off as “the safe dude” well a friend (who has a lot of self confidence himself) asked me how my dating life is (lol) and I said “the same as it always is, I’m single haha” and he was like “aw it’s ok you’re gonna find your person.” And I responded with “look I’m really tired of hearing that from people, I don’t believe I will meet anyone as I can’t talk to people due to being insecure as I can’t ‘fake it till you make it’ because no matter how much I tell myself I’m good at something or I’m attractive, I can’t force my greater subconscious to believe it.” And he was upset at that response. But it’s not like I complained and brought it up, I don’t ever like talking about it. I’m fairly certain I will probably just be by myself forever (that’s alright, I made my peace with it ages ago) I’m just really tired of people telling me that. Sorry I just don’t believe it, and honestly I wish they’d stop saying it. I just wanna ignore it lol.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
IfFATLPKtyp8zIdEJnAWQFawrthxPgON
|
a70422
| null |
AITA? Been avoiding Nana because shes fatphobic but she's coming for Christmas dinner with family.
|
This is long and I'm so sorry in advance!
So here's the deal, most of my family is overweight in some way or another, through shit diets from poor income, depression, medication etc.
Not the epitame of health at all and something that bothered me growing up, i was always average/curvy growing up, I start having body image issues when i was 17 and began dieting/exercising, i lost a couple stone and toned up, probably the only person in my family to do this.
Maintained this lifestyle for a couple of years until i moved away due to my dad being physically /emotionally abusive in all honesty (he had bad mental health issues)
Being homeless and changing location near daily between friends, it became impossible to keep up and work performance was slipping, they ultimately let me go due to this so i was on government handouts and living alone, my diet used to consist of fruit/veg and protein was now carbs and just shit due to me having barely any money, i had to cancel my gym membership too.
In the space of 2 years i went from a size uk 10/12 to a 16/18.
During these years i was attacked and ended up in hospital with bruises from head to toe and a cracked rib, not enough evidence to convict, and sexually assaulted which thankfully got a conviction and he was found guilty. I feel like it's okay to be fat rn lol I'm just about to begin therapy that took forever to get then hopefully i can return to work/rejoin the gym/afford healthier choices
My nana & papa are coming to my parents for Christmas dinner this year and she makes me soooo nervous and uncomfortable, which is a shame because she pretty much raised me (dad was sick, mum was working)
Two of my cousins have already cut her off because she was making comments about their weight on numerous occasions, often bringing them to tears.
One of my cousins put on weight due to steroids, she was diagnosed with bowel cancer and she absolutely had to take them and this didn't stop my nana patting her stomach at a family party and asking her "when she was due" when she wasn't pregnant and she knew this. She was confronted by another relative and immediately denied it, had no recollection of it.
I've had my share too. She recently told me my legs looked like someone had stuffed ham into string because I was wearing ripped jeans - surprised at my own reaction as I was stunned silent until her visit ended then burst into tears, my dad asked what was up and was upset when I told him.
He confronted her about what she said and she denied it, said she doesn't remember saying it - my dad even asked her to get tested for dementia since this had happened so many times and it came back clear from the doctor. Nobody brought it up again after that.
There's a lot of pressure from my parents to constantly forgive this behaviour when it hurts and angers me, just because she is old.
They occasionally ask why i dont visit her anymore and i just tell them "yeah i will next time" but i can't bring myself to spend time with her when I'm constantly worried I'm going to be made to feel like shit, sometimes she's fine but it happens so abruptly that it's unpredictable.
Am i the asshole for not wanting to spend time with my granny because she sometimes makes fun of my weight?
Or just being too sensitive about something stupid since its true and just suck it up and suck it in until she passes away since she pretty much raised me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
oiHBYwPljdCRVYioHTNBoTbKgB0tcSiz
|
aspg1y
|
{
"description": "refusing a sentimental gift",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing a sentimental gift?
|
A family member of my husband tried to give me a sentimental, but fragile gift for our new baby. We also have a toddler going through the house. She gave me a long speech about how special this was, and lots of things that honestly made me scared of it. She also asked if when we were done with it, if we could give it back to her. When I realized she wanted it back, I told her that with our lifestyle, we will need likely not be able to take care of it very well, and I don’t want it. She Seemed pretty offended, So I tried to clarify that we don’t want to ruin it or lose it before we can give it back to her. She still seemed pretty miffed
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
AZCEXg01nD6q3QPE179mrLcXLVVmU5Ue
|
b00z3z
|
{
"description": "waiting till after vacation to break up with my fiancée",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA if I wait till after vacation to break up with my fiancée
|
I am pretty much checked out of the relationship already. Fights every other day, she shouts at me, belittles me, disrespects me and her parents don't like me much either. In fact at Christmas she and I fought because I didn't want to do something that she and her folks wanted to do, I was made the villain because I didn't go along with the plans, and they hated me because I made their precious daughter sad. Needless to say I wasn't invited for Easter.
We had planned a big trip a while back. It is in 2 weeks. As we get closer to it I can see that I want out of the relationship, but I can handle one more week of fighting.
Would it be more asshole-ish to break up now and not go on vacation (nothing is refundable) or to go and have one last hurrah and then break up afterwards?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
4vDQJkIQ2oqZyiASQ3P5jvvzN2HSPW0h
|
akfts6
|
{
"description": "not visiting my grandmother in the hospital or going to her funeral",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not visiting my grandmother in the hospital or going to her funeral.
|
It’s a long story, so please bare with me.
My father has always been very possessive, manipulative, and materialistic. When I was young he would say things to me like, “You better come to lunch with your grandparents, because they’re very wealthy and if you don’t spend time with them they won’t put you in their will.” After my mother divorced him, basically anything he owned was made possible by my grandmother. When she bought a home with her new husband, she gave her previous home to my dad for free. This really tainted my relationship with both of them, because every interaction felt like a transaction.
When I was a teenager, my mother projected a lot of her problems with my dad onto me. This made it very easy for my dad to manipulate me into hating her, because her accusations made me identify with my dad more and, having heard them all before, he knew just what to say to make her seem like the antagonist of my life. For this reason, I moved out of her house, and lived with my dad for most of High School. After I graduated, my older brother moved in and reignited abuse that I hadn’t suffered since before he moved out of my mothers house when I was in middle school. With this, I began to notice the ways in which my dad was irresponsible, and that it was making it harder for me to be self sufficient and go to college. I decided to move back in with my mother, because I knew she would be kind, but push my ass to be more productive. My father viewed this as a great betrayal. He kept gifts he’d given me for himself, including the truck he’d given me for my 16th birthday. He contacted me less and less. Even ignoring my birthdays.
This put a wedge between me and my grandmother. I began to think often of middle school and the months before my grandfather died. He had long been incontinent and grew increasingly senile. It made me sad and I pitied him. It was not my intention for him to notice, but he had. He asked me if I hated him, and it tore me apart. I was too young to understand my feelings or know how to respond. Before long, he died. As an adult, I resolved not to let my grandmother ever think I hated her because of what happened with my dad. I visited her on her birthday and told her what happened with grandpa, and that I would always love her. Still, part of me always remembered what my dad had said. I had to have a good relationship with my grandmother, or she wouldn’t put me in her will. Am I only doing this for that reason?
Several months later, my brother contacted my mother, and told her that my grandmother was sick. By then she was already in the hospital, and couldn’t recognize him. My brother criticized me for not visiting her, but I didn’t want to see her like that. To me it didn’t serve any purpose to see her in pain. To look on her with pity, and know she didn’t recognize me. Months went by, and anytime I heard from my brother, through my mom, he would say she was still sick, maybe better in one area, but worse in another.
Until one day I received an email from my dad. She had died, several days before the date of the email, and the funeral was tomorrow. Ultimately I chose not go. My excuses were that it was short notice, im irreligious, my dad would lord his disapproval over me, and I was better off grieving alone. That same young part of me, instilled by my dad, wanted to go, because what if she left something for me in her will and I wasn’t there to claim it, but I refused to let that fantasy define our relationship, our final words together had been enough of a goodbye. I wouldn’t let my dad ruin a time that was meant for me to grieve and remember her for the love we shared.
Since then my brother has said that he is depressed. He lives alone in the house that my dad vacated so he could move into my grandmother’s newer home. He believed that she would surely leave something for him in her will, because he’d spent so much time with her, and of course my dad had used the same manipulations on him, but apparently she left him nothing. Everything went to my dad.
My heart tells me I made the right choices, but I’ve always worried that maybe I really was a jerk. Especially after I saw a similar post where a guy didn’t want to go to his relatives funeral and everyone told him he was wrong and should go.
I genuinely want to know what people think. Did I do the right thing, or AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Wx8jE2vzTobQRYlIQ5jNzRBceIRJ3Ckb
|
ap9su9
|
{
"description": "getting upset when my dad brought a random lady to our hotel room",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting upset when my dad brought a random lady to our hotel room?
|
I'm gonna try to keep it short as possible here.
My dad finally divorced my horribly abusive/neglectful mother after 16 years of hell and removed me from her custody.
Shortly after the divorce is finalized he arranges a trip for the both of us to go to Vegas. I thought that it was awesome and would allow the both of us to relax and unwind.
I'm chilling in our hotel room while he does something in the lobby. The door opens and he walks hand in hand with some lady he met like 5 minutes ago.
They're all smiles and giggles and I'm just kind of caught off guard by the situation. I keep to myself and continue looking at my phone.
She sits down next to me and starts asking all of these random questions wanting to know what was the "matter" with me.
They my dad says that she's gonna show us the local hotspots, pretty views etc. I just told him I wasn't in the mood and didn't really trust driving around with a stranger he met 5 minutes ago.
He could obviously tell I was uncomfortable with the entire situation. He says "well here, go do something while me and her have fun" and hands me money. I give him a puzzled look and he hands me even more money.
I ask her to give us a minute and while she walked out I told him how messed up it was how turning what I thought was a family vacation turned into his little fling with some random lady, etc etc.
Looking back onto it today I feel like I could be TA.He probably wanted to have fun and thought I would be more understanding because I'm a guy and guys like to hookup. Instead I ruined it and got emotional with him.
At the same time I feel like he was being really insensitive.
So Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
gnsonWI8sD9rupEhg3J7pUEILIqnpA0d
|
atqfmj
|
{
"description": "yelling at my friend for being nosy about a dinner bill",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For yelling at my friend for being nosy about a dinner bill
|
I took my work friend out to dinner last night to celebrate her birthday and I paid the bill. When the waiter sat the bill on the table she says "How much is it?" and picked it up to see. She picked it up before I had the chance to. Then when we got up to leave she asked me how much I tipped the waiter. She pressed me about it and questioned so strongly. I said to her " Why do you care how much it was? You didn't have a problem ordering expensive food". She looked shocked and said "I just want to know. You're supposed to tip 20%" and rolled her eyes. We walked to our cars and the whole way she didn't say anything. When I said bye she ignored me. We also work together and I sent her a text this morning about something related to work but she didn't answer me. She also didn't answer when I called her phone.
​
She does this every time we go out. I could understand if she asked because she wanted to pay me back or buy me a meal or something in the future, but she never does. Even when we have separate checks she picks up my bill to see how much it is and ask how much I'm tipping the waiter/waitress. I always tip 20% and she knows that because she asks every time. It annoys the hell out of me because she's so concerned with my money and what I'm doing with it.
​
Am I the asshole? Should I text her an apology?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
Q8VwvqK8TfAiuc2z4YGpsGQKk8PD10d7
|
arir2z
|
{
"description": "asking my friend to communicate more",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my friend to communicate more.
|
Had an argument with a close friend of mine this evening and I just feel conflicted about the whole thing.
For some background, we are both 24 I'm female and he is male. We dated for a few years but our breakup last year was mutual. We both suffer from depression and that was the major catalyst in the end of our relationship although everything is still practically the same between except for the emotional stuff. He checks out of the conversation anytime it heads that way.
After our break up, I moved back home about 1,000 miles away. We text a lot, and game a lot together when we have the free time. This week I've been laid up after a minor surgery and asked him to game with me since I was bored and unable to work for 5 days, or even walk around for that matter. Yesterday he said he would hop on in a bit but he had a stressful day so he was just relaxing. I chalked it up to just a long day at work and didn't think much of it.
A few hours later he invited me to a game but he didn't actually want to do anything, he told me that his car had been towed earlier that day and he had been dealing with that but didn't say much else. I got quiet and he asked if I was upset and I told him "no" but he could tell. I felt like a jerk because I had pestered him when he was dealing with other stuff but I just didn't know. He apologized for inviting me for nothing and he said that he might be back on later but I just logged out after he did and went to bed early.
Today I texted him and apologized about my reaction the day before and he accepted my apology but he said that I had been hurtful towards him. I told him that I would just like a little more communication because I have no idea when he works or what's happening in his life. I had to ask his roommate to check in with him a couple weeks ago because he had been really depressed, anytime I asked how he was doing I just got "eh" as a response. This had gone on for over a week and I was worried and she had noticed it too.
I expressed my concern about his depression and told him that he can't rely on weed all the time to fix things and ignoring his problems and shutting his friends out isn't going to do anything either. As hypocritical as I felt, I told him that he needs to see a therapist.
He told me that he has been feeling introverted and doesn't want to make any commitments right now and that he doesn't owe me or anyone else a constant update. I told him that I didn't want any commitments I just want him to talk to me. I feel like I start up a lot of our conversations and all I tend to get from him is an "lol" or "nice" unless we're talking about a subject he brings up. A lot of it feels really one sided. (On the inside I was thinking "I've been an introvert my whole life but I still make time to tell you what I've been up to")
Honestly, it wouldn't be such a big deal but he is my closest friend still, I live in the middle of nowhere and I work nights so my schedule never matches up with anyone near me, no one likes to make the drive up here and I can't spare the gas money to go to town all the time. My best friend ghosted me months ago so he is the person I'm closest to and most comfortable with talking to at length about anything.
I feel awful and I'm sure he's mad at me but I don't believe I was being an asshole, or I at least hope I wasn't. I care about him and I'm worried about him. I am frustrated that I live so far away and I feel I'm just bothering him all the time but I just want to help him. I feel more useless than anything.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
sRoOVeqfc1rTCcL2xTijIXUt5Wtwr1pZ
|
a45fo2
|
{
"description": "becoming best friends with a friend's crush and now he's having a hard time because he feels I'm a better match for her than he is",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for becoming best friends with a friend’s crush and now he’s having a hard time because he feels I’m a better match for her than he is?
|
Please don’t answer this solely based on the title, I’ve rewritten it so many times and it still doesn’t quite portray what I’m trying to say.
So the story is basically this:
Half a year ago, I started working in a new place, and generally people were very welcoming, and in them 2 in particular, we’ll call them John and Jane.
We 3 got along really well and spending time together since all of us usually worked longer than the required hours.
Early on I caught on to the fact that John fancies Jane, it was clear by the way he was acting around her and by stuff he would say to me that would imply that he likes her. A lot.
Being a generally nice person, I told him my honest opinion that he should ask her out because the dynamic between him and Jane was pretty chill and I wanted to see them both happy.
Sadly, John’s feelings for Jane weren’t reciprocated and she rejected his offer. That’s the first complication in the story. John and Jane grow a bit more distant from here on, but still good friends.
Now the second complication came in the form of me starting to develop interest in Jane. Now since I knew John was head over heels for her I decided I’d rather not act upon my interest. What happens next is us sitting in the cafeteria and the subject of how many girlfriends I’ve had comes around. John drops a bomb saying that if I wish I can get another one, and continues to explain that the dynamic between me and Jane seems like it’s going in that direction. I tell him that I can’t do it since he crushes on her. That’s when he tells me he tried and got rejected. At first I’m obviously upset for it not working between them but since he tells me it’s okay I decide I’ll find a chance and ask her out.
Some time later an opportunity arises, and I ask Jane to join me for lunch on a day neither of us works, she agrees and everything seems great. A few days after this date I ask her out and she explains that while she had a lot of fun on the date, she is not in the right mindset for dating, and I am the one to understand her since we are both “careerists” and don’t have much time for personal life beyond work. We agree to stay good friends.
When I tell this to John, he seems relieved, and honestly, that rejection kind of lifted a stone off my heart knowing I’m not going to burden him every time he sees us.
Me and Jane stay really close, to the point friends of hers from other departments ask her if we’re dating. Same goes for my friends.
Since John’s a close friend of both of us a lot of people, including our bosses, ask him that, curious about what he knows.
Now since John’s a good friend of mine, I told him when we went to watch a concert together for example, or about the time she let me stay at hers after my then-landlord decided to change the lock on my apartment for no apparent reason.
A few days ago, John decided to talk with me privately. The first of all he wanted to express how good am I of a friend to him and how he’s grateful for having me, but went on to the subject I somehow knew he’d get to: me and Jane.
He says seeing me and her so close aches him a bit, and that for a while now he has been jealous of me and there that deep inside his heart there’s a small bit of hatred for me for being what he couldn’t with the girl who has been the first one to actually love. John knows I’ve been rejected by her just as he was, but he still insists the one day me and her are going to be together. I apologize, knowing it won’t change anything but still feeling I owe it to him.
I definitely don’t think he’s an asshole for feeling the way he does, because having your first crush on someone is a mighty feeling and I know I’m at least a bit of an asshole for not being more sensitive around him when talking about it.
Now those of you that have read it all and endured through my awful writing, do you guys think I’m an asshole or is it just me who feels like a dick since my conversation a few days ago with John?
I know at the end of the day Jane’s a human and she will decide what shape her romantic life takes, but this whole story really makes me feel bad because the way John feels and I wanted to know if it’s just a passing feeling or if I should act to make it up to him somehow.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
TwlVbArbl4NK4Keo6VdgNNWFCVAUAIoM
|
abnd0u
|
{
"description": "encouraging a family unit",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for encouraging a family unit?
|
Why don’t we give significant tax credits to married parents who each work 40 hours a week? At the same time reduce the amount of tax credits given to single parents who don’t work full time.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
j0nNVmgDO0IhPR3bsMA3XSrZn35E7TRh
|
a0bicm
|
{
"description": "not giving \"updates\" to my wife",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not giving “updates” to my wife?
|
Alright. This is quite a simple AITA. But still, I’m confused. Went out for an office holiday dinner/night out. I told my wife that me and my workers are having dinner out and going to go back to my manager’s condo unit to get drinks afterwards. My manager lives in the same condo as I do so it’s pretty much a convenience. When we went for dinner, my manager said that he wasn’t able to tidy up his condo unit hence we had to get drinks elsewhere. We went some place nearby (something like 5-8km away from the condo) to get drinks. My wife asks me where I was and told her what the change of plans had been. All of a sudden, she berates me about being unfair and being a liar.
So, AITA for doing this? I didn’t go home late though so I thought everything would be fine.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Ey6DXenTbvmPfyHGOZegXMDZ5ys61co5
|
b9u2oe
| null |
AITA for (as a white woman) touching a black woman's hair?
|
To start, the cast of characters is me and my older coworker (late 50s). As background, she is not in the same department as me, but we work on some projects together. In our shared projects, she is technically my subordinate - but I try to view it as a collaboration. We are friendly and laugh together and get along, but we have never had lunch together or see each other outside of work.
Now that the context has been laid out, onto the story. The other day she came to work with a very cool hair style. (She always has cool hairstyles.) The underside of her hair was dyed in a rainbow fashion. As we were passing each other in the hall, we greeted each other and I commented that I liked her hair while casually indicating the colors - but by actually touching her hair. She thanked me and we continued on our way. I didn't think much of it, until another coworker caught me at the end of the hall and told me it was wrong and you aren't supposed to touch a black woman's hair. I didn't know that there was etiquette involved and I feel really bad, especially if she only tolerated the action because I'm more senior. So, was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 198,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 21,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 42,
"WRONG": 200
}
|
WRONG
|
VfnigsqRtC48Nk0Z1QdswOdDFEqDbVXR
|
amyexr
|
{
"description": "not waking my boyfriend up for the Super Bowl",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not waking my boyfriend up for the Super Bowl?
|
Sorry if the formatting sucks, I’m on mobile.
My boyfriend (23M) and I (22F) have been deciding what we want to do for the Super Bowl for the past couple days and we decided on going to my dads house. I’m super laid back so I didn’t really care what we did. After we decided, we hung out all morning and had a fantastic time just drinking coffee and hanging out, per usual. About 5 hours before the game started he said he was going to take a nap before the game and asked me to wake him up an hour before kick off so he could get ready and we could leave our place with some extra time to get to our destination before kick off. I agreed and he proceeded to go take a nap.
Fast forward a couple of hours, I set a timer for myself (I’m reading a really good book and I get pretty sucked in) so I know when to get him up. I know that he’s a deep sleeper so I gave myself enough time to actually wake him up. I go in, lovingly wake him and tell him that if he wants to go he had to get up and get ready. He sits up, looks me in the eyes, and says that he decided he didn’t want to leave and that he would rather sleep. Okay, that’s fine, I said I didn’t care if we watched it at home anyway. I’m a big Pittsburgh fan so I didn’t really want to see the pats get another ring anyway. He goes back to sleep.
An hour later I go in to let him know that it’s kickoff. He springs up and asks me why we didn’t leave. I told him what he said to me an hour earlier, and he freaks out that I listened to him. He continues to say that I am blaming him for not going even though I said from the beginning I don’t care what we do. We get in a huge argument that ends with me being upset because he said some things to hurt my feelings but he expects me to apologize for blaming him for us not leaving on time.
So redditsphere... AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
NL60roALfe3uTT20vnV69CNOGVX9N3tM
|
b37et6
|
{
"description": "not letting my boyf talk to the book seller longer",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting my boyf talk to the book seller longer
|
Me and my boyfriend were hanging out at a book store before I had to get home and do something planned with a friend t my house. She got off early and said she was on her way, as I hadn't planned for her to get off early we weren't there. She said it's fine, her boyfriend who was going to drop her off had somewhere to be but she was fine sitting in the hallway outside my apartment and playing with the cat that roams the halls very often. I then tried to kind of rush my boyfriend out of the store, not terrible just telling him maybe we should head out soon, but he was talking to a seller about books. However he's not a big reader, he's more into audio books so I thought it was pretty unlikely the end of their conversation would end up in purchase for him. However he continued to let her lead him to different spots of the store so she could talk about her personal book recommendations and even went to the computer to see if a book she was talking about was in store. It was so we stood around talking about it, after we discovered he least owned it for years and hadn't read it. But after they talked about the book the seller said she'd let us go since she knew we had someone waiting on us. Once in the car I found out he was mad because I wouldn't let him talk to her longer. Am I the asshole for rushing him out because I had a friend wanting on me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
OgfgBsXjGfDVtMy3JkdZWjwtzHOEUcTy
|
aharp7
|
{
"description": "getting mad",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad?
|
So I auditioned for my school play. It was fun. I got an extra role but that's on me for not showing up to rehearsals last year.
I know a few special kids, being one myself, who really wanted to audition but didn't show up to any of the workshops, which was required for you to audition no matter what (I even had to stay late on my birthday for one). Despite showing up to none of the workshops, they still got parts. They just got in effortlessly when there are people who went to every workshop and were so excited to get into the play and didn't. I find it annoying.
I also noticed one special kid follows every teacher around and practically stalks them (he admitted to stalking one) yet faces no consequences. I find that kinda weird too.
Keep in mind, being a special kid I get detentions for skipping a special ed class once when I know kids who have skipped it since the beginning of the year and face no consequences. This has happened with multiple other things. I know kids who are getting straight D's who still do chorus and band yet I'm banned from both for getting B's and C's.
TLDR; AITA for being angry at the way my school is so unfair with the way they treat special ed kids?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
H7XwmraN8Y2QKv9KshdTtiITHD26ZJTT
|
b06xub
|
{
"description": "being done with my friends problems",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being done with my friends problems
|
This is my first post here so excuse poor formatting but to be perfectly honest I find myself constantly as the shoulder to cry on.
It’s not really a problem most of the time but recently two of my best friends have really been laying some baggage on me for like 3 months straight. Is it selfish of me to just kinda want them to take their problems to someone else, my role in this friendship has kinda always been that but lately their issues have been affecting my mental health as well and tbh I don’t want to add others problems to my own. It sounds kinda heartless but their practically only talking about their problems and nothing else, I can’t remember the last time we just had a normal conversation. I’d like to make it clear that their problems are mostly limited to essentially bitching about being single and being not confident to make a move on people they’re interested in, however three straight months of this is honestly starting to make me feel a bit depressed.
So with that in mind AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
mJh3glOUXPfueu6utZBDLL88C7bwOtFE
|
ay4fx4
|
{
"description": "asking to split the check after this girl tells me we are not going to work out because our \"auras\" are different (after 5 mins)? *insanity ensues",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking to split the check after this girl tells me we are not gonna work out because our "auras" are different (after 5 mins)? *Insanity ensues*
|
I (**23M**) match with a girl (**20F**) on Bumble near my town, she has a pixie cut and it seems like we have things in common and she’s cute. Turns out she’s actually from Pennsylvania and doesn’t have a car.
Eventually we agree on a night I can drive the (1 hour 15 minutes to her house) to pick her up to go to her “favorite Thai restaurant”. I make the 1 hour 15 min drive over to pick her up. As soon as she gets in the car she has a terribly awful smell to her. I immediately realize that I don’t feel physically attracted to her, but am still willing to just have a fun dinner.
Anyway, I drive 20 minutes from her house to the restaurant. We sit down in this small Thai restaurant (which had decent food!) at a table probably 3-4 feet away from another couple. We look at the menu thinking about what to get. Out of NOWHERE she exclaims that we are just "**Not gonna work out.** We can go to a cheaper restaurant or you can just drop me off."
I'm confused as fuck as it's only been 5 minutes. She then explains that I don't have the same aura as her, my aura is too rigid, that she's deep and most people aren't as "deep" as her, and that she couldn't ever possibly date someone who doesn't appreciate music as much as her. At first, I laughed nervously because I truly believed she might've been kidding and she just had a weird sense of humor. So I tell her, let's just eat...we're already here (AND I drove an hour+ to get here! Why not at least enjoy each other's company as friends/acquaintances?)
Finally after the awkward forced conversations, I ask the waiter for separate checks. She then flips out on me saying, "Are you **fucking SERIOUS?**! I didn't bring my wallet." I am taken aback and apologize if I did something to upset her. She says, "You better be fucking sorry. Are you **TRYING** to waste **MY** fucking time?" (Wasting her time being in her parents house without a car...?) I still am so stunned that at that point I just apologize and explain that since we never established who was gonna pay and because she made it clear nothing is gonna happen I thought it would be reasonable to ask for separate checks. I still try apologizing again and tell her I only had the best intentions...saying absolutely nothing mean or negative.
She tells me that I said in a text I would pay (not true), then tells me she'll Venmo me. I go to drop her off and try one last to not end on a bad note. She then tells me, "Maybe next time you should talk to your date about who's going to pay. I'm sorry I'm so INTENSE." To which I reply as she shuts my car door, "*Good luck.*"
**ALSO**: She claimed to be "uber feminist." I tried to text her with my Venmo info, turns out she blocked me.
**TL;DR**: Drove an hour+ to go on a first date with a girl, she tells me within first 5 minutes that it’s not gonna work because we have different "auras". Then flips out on me after I ask the waiter for separate checks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
eAAjhb7Ca0PzVXkrmiaRrBRbq1RT25mi
|
b9zt00
|
{
"description": "not taking back cat I rehomed",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not taking back cat I rehomed?
|
Yesterday, I rehomed our cat online due to our baby's allergy test coming back with high reactivity to cats. The person who took our cat emailed me tonight and asked for us to take the cat back because the cat is "uncomfortable", but I think it's just an adjustment period because it's been literally one day. AITA for saying we can't take the cat back due to child's allergy?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
mZzyx1zukw0UlhuXwl21XteDW0w3Ha3B
|
9vz4qi
|
{
"description": "pausing the tv or trying to share opinions about stuff on tv",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for pausing the TV or trying to share opinions about stuff on TV?
|
I am a talkitive person who loves to hear other peoples ideas/opinions and to share my own. My boyfriend is more reserved in the communication department.
When we watch YouTube/TV together I often comment on things that are happening in the show - I despise talking over the TV so sometimes I will pause it to ask for his opinion on what we are watching and to share mine...this infuriates him. He gets agitated with me and feels like I am being disruptive like "why the f××× do you keep pausing the show...I just want to relax...you are ruining my night..just shut up!"...and I am always agitated feeling like he is lacking in depth like "I just want us to connect and share our thoughts..sorry for wanting to be heard and have some kind of human interaction"...
If we are in the middle of a really good show ESPESSIALLY if it is during an intense part (like Game of Thrones) I do not talk or pause it to talk.....it is just when we are watching youtube videos or less interesting/intense stuff......his biggest issue seems to be when I pause it ...there have been times he will start talking during a really good intense show about dinner or something unrelated and I will pause it - this also pisses him off ---he just hates it when I pause shows but I cant stand talking over the TV...his solution is to stop talking which I find very difficult.
As minor and silly as it sounds this is actually creating a problem in our relationship because we watch TV together everynight and when we are relaxing together I am in a good mood and trying to have a connection with him and he is getting angry with me which is making me feel like we have no connection and making me want to withdraw ...it is leaving him feeling disrespected and annoyed...it is leaving me feeling unheard and irritated ...
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
lWP6ZZFmUygyVtGHZamfuGYHugGYtJeJ
|
a96rxu
|
{
"description": "demanding an apology from my boyfriend's friend for pressuring me into professing my feelings",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for demanding an apology from my boyfriend's friend for pressuring me into professing my feelings?
|
My boyfriend of six months has this friend (we'll call him Joe) who has always had an affinity for pushing my buttons. Not an issue in the least; I am not sensitive to that kind of thing, and I enjoy the banter every once in a while. One habit Joe has gotten into recently that I like much less is that he likes to put me on the spot about my relationship in front of a group of people. Sometimes he'll do it to both boyfriend and me. The first time he did it was very early on in our relationship when we were still defining things. We were out with a group and he asked us "so, are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend now or what?" I was mildly annoyed - it wasn't his business, and the group setting was the wrong choice, but I easily let it go.
​
Three weeks ago, Joe and I and some other friends of boyfriend's were at dinner. There are six of us sitting in a booth. Boyfriend gets up to go to the bar. Joe immediately starts with the questions - how are things going, are you happy, etc. I play along. Then Joe takes it up a notch and goes, "do you love him?" That makes me really uncomfortable - of course, Joe does not know this, but that sentiment wasn't something I'd shared with boyfriend and I wasn't ready to do so. I am sure I'm making some weird face in response, and Joe goes, "Oh, you do, huh?" All eyes are on me, I feel cornered, so I admit to it and say that boyfriend doesn't know so would he please not say anything. "You should tell him," Joe says. "Tell him tonight." Boyfriend comes back from the bar right then, so the subject is dropped. Boyfriend notices what is apparently a weird look on my face. (I'm not an all-star poker player, if that' s not apparent.) "What's up?" he asks. I brush it off. He asks again. I mutter something about feelings. "You might as well just say it," boyfriend says. So.....I do. My idiot self quietly professes my love in front of four other people (who, for the record, are not listening and do not know what is going on). Long story short, it was a bad night. Nuclear meltdown in front of all these people. Not a good look for me. I was embarrassed and ashamed at my own behavior, but also REALLY pissed at Joe. I couldn't help thinking this wouldn't have happened if not for him. I'd had enough of this behavior, and now it was affecting my relationship in a negative way. Joe texted boyfriend later that night and asked if everything was okay. Boyfriend told Joe what happened (a disclosure I was unhappy about, so that was a whole other thing between us). I told boyfriend I intended to ask Joe for an apology next time I saw him.
​
Fast forward to last night. We are at a Christmas party. Joe is there. "I need to talk to him," I say to boyfriend. "I've got to get this out." I wait until I've accumulated some liquid courage (my first misstep). Up until that point, Joe is acting very nonchalant, greeted me normally and made some conversation about other things. I ask Joe if we can chat for a couple minutes just the two of us. He agrees, so I pull him to the side. I just come right out and say he owes me an apology. I say this calmly. He gives me an incredulous look. "For what?" he seems to genuinely wonder. I tell him it wasn't his place to do what he did, to put me on the spot like that. I tell him he is making my relationship harder, and that my feelings are none of his business. He gets very irritated. "I didn't make you do anything," he says. "These were all your decisions. If he doesn't love you, that's not my fault." This really gets me going. I am no longer calm. I start screaming at him, saying how out of line he is and how he needs to treat me with more respect. He screams back, says he has no reason to apologize, that I'm ridiculous for even asking, and eventually just walks away. I am astounded and very hurt. I honestly expected him to apologize immediately, but maybe I am just way off the mark on who's in the wrong here. Is he right? Am I just projecting my own issues onto him ...like an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.