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a1Dl9t6UzhLBwVYvV4kXOWSQVKdfAxPE
|
a19hwv
|
{
"description": "getting tattoos after promising my mom I wouldn't",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting tattoos after promising my mom I wouldn't?
|
We are Japanese/Korean and I feel in general Asians are typically against tattoos. My family fits right in that category and is not a fan of them but I didn't find out just how strongly my mom was against it until after I got my first.
I got my first tattoo with my mom when I was 17. I got a few butterflies on my shoulder, and she got the same on her right butt cheek. She got it there because she didn't want my grandma to ever find out about it. My grandma actually found out a couple months later at the sauna and she gave disapproving eyes but didn't make anything of it. This whole matching tattoo was actually my moms idea that she brought up randomly when we were hanging out. Right after we got our tattoos, before we even left the shop, she made me promise to never get any more tattoos. I was hesitant but I agreed just to get her off my back.
Anyway, I'm 26 now with quite a few more tattoos that I've gotten since moving out many years ago. I feel really scummy about it but I believe it's my body and I have the final say with what I do with it, despite our promise. Every single tattoo I've gotten since then I've told my mom about my plans first in person because I don't want my mom to find out randomly and be surprised. All my tattoos so far have so much personal meaning to me so it hurts knowing she hates them.
Every single time I plan on discussing with my mom about future tattoos my heart sinks to my stomach and I feel absolutely sick and anxious beforehand because I know how she'll react. She tells me every time "You promised me! Oh my gosh, you're gonna be one of THOSE people covered in tattoos" with such disappointment in her eyes then she'll give me the silent treatment for a while.
Earlier today I told her about my plans to get a matching tattoo with my husband next month and she was more upset than she's ever been, probably because all my other tattoos are easily hide-able and this would be on my forearm. She asked me how I can keep betraying her and intentionally hurting her. How would I feel if my son purposefully went out of his way to hurt and disobey me?
Obviously I would be absolutely devastated if my son intentionally hurt me in the future (he's only 2 and a half now). I don't feel this is a situation where I'm trying to intentionally hurt her though, but I know she see's it that way.
I don't think it was a fair promise to make at such a young age and about my body no less, but I still feel like such a asshole each and every time I break it. I don't know. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
cRGzRCnZFnMetvbaBxWMNOMb7R8poVzU
|
aw5awv
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{
"description": "telling my crush how I felt and it couldn't have been more of an awkward rejection",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: I told my crush how I felt and it couldn’t have been more of an awkward rejection
|
This girl and I have been friends for about 4/5 years and within the last year I’ve developed feelings for her. Before I left to go to college we would go on ‘best friend dates’ (she called them tights) almost every week, now that I’ve moved away we still talk almost all day every day.
Last week my school went on reading week/spring break so I came home and got together with a group of Friends, my crush and I walked to the bar to meet everyone else, and we panned to walk home afterwards too.
Fast forward to walking her home, we talked the entire time walking.
When I get home I text her saying I got home safety and we text for a bit and I say I had developed feelings for her, to which she replies we are better as best friends.
The past few days we’ve barely texted/dry conversations, I think we are headed toward a friendship breakup. To make it worse I’m heading back to college tomorrow and not sure when I’ll see her again.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
syfIt66ouPgwg0IySJCvBIeZJ8QLI64s
|
b6mw2k
|
{
"description": "wanting things to be run \"my way\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting things to be run "my way"?
|
Okay, so, for a bit of context, my school has a Games Club. It started out to just board games and branched out to include videogames. For the past three months, I have run a Super Smash Bros Tournament every meeting. We usually have an "on week", with a ranked singles tournament, and an "off week," with a different type of tournament. Usually, it's just unranked doubles.
This week, I decided that we should play something that isn't smash. No one minded the change. The suggestion of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe came up, and plenty of people loved it. This was great, because I am planning on helping the class above me run a fundraiser with a Super Smash Bros bracket and a Mario Kart 8 Deluxe bracket. This, however, also lead to the problem at hand.
I posted my idea on how a tournament should be run, and said that that's how I am going to run it. I got a response from one of the freshman, saying that a tournament was stupid and "why can't we just play 12 player FFA". After explaining my reasonings, mainly how I need practice running a Mario Kart tournament, one of the other freshman say that the concept I came up with had never been done because it was stupid.
I've left them an open challenge, saying that I will tell them the resources we will have for the fundraiser, and they can come up with a ruleset and it will be put to a vote. They have yet to respond. Am I the asshole for defending my method of tournament?
TL;DR : I'm the school's go to tournament organizer. A few freshmen said that a bracket idea I came up with wouldn't work, but haven't given me a replacement.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
8pqKO23adZeO0b9l2D9rbnrKuQakcxvF
|
axf5wt
| null |
AITA for what I said to my sister?
|
I'll start by mentioning that my (21F) sister (22F) has been diagnosed as bi polar and has borderline personality disorder. She's actively bashing on my mom because my sister used her credit card to buy 10 bras, and my mom asked her for money back. My sister refused and started saying "Fuck you" over and over and telling my mom that she can't live here anymore. That's when my mom said "No actually, this is my house and I can be here anytime I want". This made my sister *furious*. This happened a couple days ago.
So currently my sister is still being a brat to my mom and saying "Fuck you" and sticking the middle finger up at her which is making me upset because I love my mom and she honestly doesn't deserve any of this.
Anyway, we're ordering sushi for dinner tonight & my sister hasn’t spoken to my mom all day (besides just giving her the finger). My mom was originally going to pay for dinner so she asked my sister what she wanted to order & my sister told her 2 spicy scallops rolls (the most expensive thing) and rolled her eyes as she said it. This was also the first thing she said to my mom that wasn't "Fuck you" in 3 days.
So because I’m pissed about this and since my mom isn’t ordering anything, I told my mom that I’d just get sushi for myself and pay by myself and not get my sister anything since she’s being so rude and ungrateful. My mom said no and that she’d pay since she already asked and wanted to keep the peace.
I compromised with my mom and said I’ll get my sister one roll instead of 2 and I’ll pay for it myself. I told my sister that I’m paying for it so I’m only getting her one roll and her attitude completely changed. That's when she was like,
"Oh OP that’s so nice and thoughtful! Thank you!"
"Don’t thank me, I didn’t want to get you anything. Mom told me to so you should thank her."
It felt good saying it but I heard her mutter "that hurts..." under her breath a few seconds after I told her that so now I’m second guessing what I said.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
wthqo0nlqKYgpUAtkEVdBrv4YRbYn2gU
|
aanejq
|
{
"description": "taking my Turkey off the table",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for taking my Turkey off the table??
|
Background: I was arrested for violating a restraining order. I posted bond dealing with such misdemeanor. A condition is to be equipped with a GPS ankle monitor. My family contacts the landlord, homeowner, whatever and arranges for my bond to be posted and pays her for a months rent. The homeowner *knows* I am currently incarcerated. I have rented with the same homeowner previous to my incarceration. She *liked* me, supposedly. I am very(up until now) polite and respectful of this woman and give her way much more time out of my day than a tenant should to begin with.
So it's been two weeks and she texted me last night asking what was the ankle monitor for, to which I did not respond, preferring to have this conversation in person. Bewildered by the fact she was even asking me about it to begin with?
I woke up this morning to make some breakfast. I go to carve up a Turkey my family had blessed me with for the holidays. I start to mention how there's a lot extra and she should go ahead and help herself. Instantly she mentions how I *must* wear pants so the other room mates and neighbors do not see. She also has family coming in for a few days here soon and "I need not be around because they have children". The other tenants have already taken notice, don't seem to mind as I am always respectful and courteous of them/the house and always provide decent encounters and conversation.
I blew her off at this point! "Yeah, I'll do what I can" and put the Turkey back up out of hands reach. Proceeded to go into my room and close the door on her still trying to day whatever she was saying to me.
Icing on the cake was when I texted my family about the situation, they responded that they don't mind getting me more pants? Am I missing something?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
j3bg7dkYnTxhgUEu72lVZZ3oOQCrOShQ
|
b75hlq
|
{
"description": "not helping my friend this week for assigned school duties",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping my friend this week for assigned school duties?
|
So my "best" friend (lets call her Em) and I are both in the same veterinary program (were both 21 F). The instructors sometimes assign us to do some extra duties for our facility like laundry, office duties, and cleaning. I've had a really rough week. I learned over the weekend that one of my family friends was in the hospital with 4th stage cancer that had spread to her brain. To make my situation worse, my sick friend was in the palliative care unit at the hospital where my mother works (who frequently visits her as well). I haven't spoken to my mother in 2 years since I ran away from her abuse and manipulation. So I was in a really stressful spot as I planned my visit to the hospital. I had two very embarrassing breakdowns at school this week, and "Em" saw them both. My instructors recommended I take some time off to gather myself, and I took that recommendation and took the week off. "Em" on the other hand lives at home with her father who loves her unconditionally. I really wish she would understand how great that is. I don't have that kind of luxury. Because of my living situation I obviously qualify for financial aid...but she complains when she doesn't receive financial aid even though its for people who really desperately need it. She seems to complain at petty things- the fact that she cant get A+ in all her courses (she only gets A's), how stressed she is that the program is unorganized, how she thinks the instructors/classmates hate her. In my eyes, its petty. But as a friend I never tell her that. I just sympathize. Even when its not genuine. I understand its not fair to compare our problems, so that's why I don't say anything. But its hard for me not feel annoyed. SO anyways. Both Em and I were assigned cleaning duties this week. I wasn't in school this week, and I figured that since my best friend Em knows what I'm going through, she would be happy to cover for me and do my part (which isn't much work, just some light cleaning and restocking of items). Right? Wrong. I know my friend is bad in helping me emotionally through my problems, cause she just doesn't understand the pain of most of my situations, but she was actually pissed at me for not helping her clean. like actually so pissed. She even said shes not going to help me in a video assignment we agreed to help eachother in.. She flat out said "TBH, I dont want to help you". She also said "We're all going through stuff." Correct. Everyone is going through stuff, but I figured as my best friend she wouldn't mind cleaning knowing I was having a really rough week at home. I don't feel like the asshole. But shes making me think I should be. Am I the asshole? Any advice on a situation like this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
SriFZTPFu0BApyi7BXtCEkHMi7xpoUbw
|
b6kb4s
|
{
"description": "yelling at my boss for turning the lights on in my office",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for yelling at my boss for turning the lights on in my office.
|
Here is a little background info before I get into the actual incident. Every day my boss walks past my office and turns my lights on after i have asked him repeatedly not to. This has been on going for over 2 years. Its not like I am sitting in the dark, my office has 2 large windows and plenty of natural light coming in. The lights just bother my eyes and I find it annoying to have them on while the sun is still out. He flips on the lights whenever he walks by and says, " you shouldn't work in the dark, its bad for your eyes". This happens more than once a day sometimes. I just get up and turn them back off after he walks away.
So yesterday i was already frustrated with another employee that has been making a lot of mistakes that i then need to clean up and do damage control with the customers that are being affected. This effectively doubles my work load for the day. I had a headache already from this and then he walked by and turned my lights on and said, " it's bad for your eyes to work in the dark". So at that point i had enough shit to deal with and I snapped at him, " I am an adult I can decide what level of lighting is appropriate for myself. If I need a babysitter to tell me something like this why do you trust me to get my job done and fix other peoples dumb ass mistakes with minimal oversight. Turn the fucking lights back off I have a headache and just dont need to deal with this on top of it." He said no, then told me to come see him at the end of the day. I just got up and turned the lights off like usual and went about my day.
We had a discussion at the end of the day and he said that I couldnt speak to him like that whether or not any other employees were around and that I needed to respect him as my boss. I agreed and said that he also needed to respect me as an employee and as a person.
That's where it was left, and things seem to be normal as we are both pretty reasonable and we both came to an agreement. When i told other people they said I was being a dick and should have just let it go. This is my usual course of action he just happened to do it when I was having a bad day already and that was just the straw that broke the camels back. I agree that it probably wasnt the best decision to do it considering he is my boss but AITA for it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
q6vixFO8KrPDmGqL9cJJYMiWSxFolxcp
|
ah6ow2
|
{
"description": "blocking this guy",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for blocking this guy?
|
I met a guy off of my political instagram account and started talking on my personal account about all sorts of things. But eventually, I realized he was using soft manipulation techniques on me like saying my name a lot and guilting me into doing certain things. But I didn't really care, because he was so sweet and charming. But then we started talking about politics and mentioned David Irving (the holocaust denier) an I blocked him there and then. But I felt so guilty about it because it occurred to me that some people read books that they really disagree with just to know about history-- for example, I'll have to read a bunch of WWII documents in AP World history.
So I unblocked him today and messaged him. It was going well and he said Irving was a crackhead. It was actually quite nice, but then he mentioned he likes the idea of British Fascism because it's "way different than other European fascism" I waited a little while and blocked him. I feel bad because I didn't even bother to argue against him or change his mind (something I'm very good at) and I just ran away. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
pwi59ueEnPBsuHEx3PC1wOWzBMBezDlH
|
b4o307
|
{
"description": "refusing to clean up after other people",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to clean up after other people?
|
This is short. So basically I've been given 4 weeks to move out because I refused to clean up someone else's mess in the kitchen.
I live with my partner and his mum and step dad. The step dad went off at me yesterday because I won't clean the kitchen. I won't do it because I don't make the mess in there then leave it to rot for days at a time. They're adults and more than capable of doing it themselves. If I make a mess I will clean it up straight away, so I can't see why it's so hard for anyone else to do the same thing.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
w9LdhuTpjv7XjqVFCUu0utureubvmaCj
|
ajoevi
| null |
AITA Conversation between me and my fiancee She's been religious lately
|
\- = her
\-but yeah I feel like your stress has alot too do with that jabber jaw of yours i was reading and they say people with anxeity get nerveous and feel like its there job to fill out the empty moments of conversations and i feel like your stress has alot too do with that
📷
\-So is your main concern of me is watch that stuff about religion, God/Jesus, conspiracy theories bothering you? Or just me telling you about it all?
\-\*a lot?
I just told you
📷
\-I sometimes feel like also that you're uncomfortable with the idea of me bettering myself for the Lord just based off my observation of how you react I'm not mad or anything I've just been noticing
When you try to bring it into are sex life thats when i start questioning things
📷
\-Can I ask why?
because thats a deal breaker
im not going through life unfufilled
📷
\-Do you feel that it has interference in our sex lofe?
\-\*life
no not yet but its a turn off when you talk about it all the time, and when we talked about doms and subs and chasities and shit before you were all excited which made our sex exciting even tho we never took it that far. But than you flipped you scripted and tried to become my therapist instead of my partner and tell me the things that i enjoy are because of some past traumas I could give i fuck about so actually YES it has
📷
\-Okay
thats it?
📷
I honestly don't know what to say
\-That's the only response that came to mind
Well I'm not mad at you right now or anything
📷
I know
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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|
WRONG
|
nqgKfraQlOnoFxAD0NpnHVeO05ouwbAC
|
ax05oy
|
{
"description": "not telling my girlfriend I am in therapy",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
Aita for not telling my girlfriend I am in therapy
|
Hi reddit this is a throw away as my gf knows my main. I am a 25M and have been with my gf for about 2 years now. I have deliberately kept her at a distance in terms of my mental health due to an abusive ex girlfriend that I had who would use my mental health as a weapon to break me down when we argued she would say things like "you're lucky I'm with you as no other woman will deal with your pathetic depression" and things like that so it has been hard for me to open up since. I met my current gf at my friends birthday just randomly ad we were at several bars and she has been amazing the last couple of years I have no complaints as she seems to understand me. However I have joined a therapy group designed for men in the town we live in and so far I have just been telling her I am going to another martial arts class, I dont know why I can't tell her but I am scared to due to my past however I do love her and want to be honest so it makes me feel really guilty not telling her my group has been of no help in this matter so please tell me reddit if I am the asshole here
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
ubsduGLAGEH4yjp2RHJzvzIbgZhdGUG9
|
9zu9eh
| null |
AITA? Had Ham for Thanksgiving and Xmas for the last five years. I wanted Turkey this year, they brought thier own ham.
|
I make the main course and dessert for the inlaws on holidays. For 5 years all they wanted was ham. I would suggest Turkey for at least one of the holidays and they would strike it down. This Thanksgiving I said fuck it, I am going to convert these people to at least have a turkey every other year. I made an awesome turkey, it was moist and flavorful, I thought for sure this would change thier minds. They brought ham to the dinner and put it on thier kids plates and ate that. When I saw the ham i said "ya'll are fucking ridiculous ". Nobody got mad and I didn't sulk (out loud anyway). I was kind of offended by it. Just wanting to know if I'm an asshole for telling them that they are ridiculous.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
nkGbDJO9cc4DtZAAVADCH8sj5mhYq75e
|
airqpk
| null |
AITA in my relationship? I think so. Now I need advice.
|
Title hopefully says it all. I think I’m being shitty as a partner lately and I need help.
Honey, if you see this, i hope you know how much I love you and i want to be better.
I’ll try to give as much context and examples as necessary here. US based, heteronormative couple. 23F (myself) and 22M, we’ll call X for his privacy.
We’ve been together for nearly 4 years, moved in together about 2 years ago, and for the most part we have a lovely relationship with both shared and separate hobbies, 2 dogs, etc.
We’re both also pretty badly mentally ill as far as anxiety, depression, and I have BPD and PTSD. We support each other to the best of our abilities in that, make sure the other goes to the doctor, takes medicine, gets sleep.
Unfortunately, like all couples, we have issues. We used to fight about sexual incompatibility a lot because we had sex a lot at first and then it suddenly changed. He maintains that it was all the depression medicine changes, and we’ve been working through it. I admit it was ingrained in me that the ONLY reason he wouldn’t want to have sex was that he had to be cheating or not find me attractive, and it caused me some distress and tears. We haven’t fought about that in a long time, and I try to be more understanding. Even though my libido is one of the only things that doesn’t suffer as a result of my mental illnesses so I don’t get it entirely, I know now that it’s not me, and I feel better about that.
Sometimes we get into tiny spats about money, but usually it’s because I get very antsy and nervous and stressed about bills not being paid or not having food/gas/etc. I need to find a job where I make more, and I’m looking actively, but no such luck. I work 40 hours a week, but I make my state’s minimum wage, so no more than $600-700 a paycheck.
He sometimes physically can’t hear me because he’s gets so *into* everything he does, which has been frustrating at times because I’ll have to repeat myself again and again, but for the most part, I’ve worked past that I think.
I also do most of the housework and his mom and little brother (7) moved in with us about a year ago. It’s a lot of housework and though his mom occasionally helps, it’s mostly my responsibility. It’s not that X refuses, he tells me to let him know i need help, but then he forgets to do those things which upsets me more and leads to a shitty comment about how I don’t ask for that exact reason.. 🙄 why am I like this?????
I’m very easily stressed out, but I also feel that with working full time. I have a lot on my plate.
2 dogs, a cat, 3 other people’s worth of laundry and dishes and mouths to feed as soon as I get home from work. I manage all the bills being paid and tell everyone how much they owe.
His mom doesn’t work at the moment and really isn’t helping with much else to be totally honest. She’s also very messy, and doesn’t like my dogs because they’re loud and jump around a lot, they’re both less than 2 years old though, and we don’t have enough time to play with them and train them so we mostly make sure they get exercise and play everyday. They’re herding breeds and need to run out their energy. But she pays her portion of the rent and bills, and usually buys groceries, though lately I’ve been doing that too.
I feel like my BPD has me freaking out all the time, but I’ve never had good health insurance so I’ve never had therapy or help with my diagnoses other than “here’s some pills, oh those didn’t work? here different ones” and I’m on #5 now.
I just need help. I love this man to the ends of the earth and back, as far as I’m concerned the sun shines out his ass, but I’m constantly stressed which makes me constantly act shitty, and no one wants to live with someone like that. Lately I’ve just been snide and snappy and stressed and I feel terrible for always being that way but i feel that there is just so much on my plate. I just want to feel less stressed so he’s getting the best of me, not the worst. I want to know if I’m being overly sensitive and just saying I have too much to do, or if I need more help from others.
How do I save my relationship, Reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b6lo0o
|
{
"description": "being weirded out by my trans cousin's new name",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being weirded out by my trans cousin's new name?
|
To be 100% clear, I do not feel any ill will or hatred towards my cousin whatsoever. I'm happy that he is trying to live his best life and am happy to use any name he wants to make his feel more comfortable in his skin.
My issue is the new name. It is literally exactly the same as the name my youngest brother has gone by his entire life. My brother was already about 6yo when he (my cousin) said he began feeling this way, so it's not really a misunderstanding or bad timing I don't think. He does have a nickname that he said he can go by so when I do see him next I can just use that, and I will NEVER bring this up, but I feel bad for feeling a little weirded out by this. Does that make me TA?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "telling his wife that he got me pregnant, and for reporting him so he'll lose his medical license",
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|
AITA for telling his wife that he got me pregnant, and for reporting him so he’ll lose his medical license?
|
Very long, telenovela-type story here. I meet a guy off Tinder, he’s an out-of-town medical resident visiting my city on a hospital rotation. We meet up a few times before he returns home (400 km away). I figure that’s that but he continues to text me daily and asks me to come visit him. So I do and I very stupidly have unprotected sex with him and take plan B the next day. He’s a doctor and I basically trust his judgement.
Fast forward a few weeks later and I’m at my own doctor for a routine visit. She gets me to pee in a cup and I am shocked to find out I’m pregnant. At this point me and Tinder guy are still texting 20x a day. I call him immediately and tell him the news.
Him: Well, you have to abort it right away.
Me: And what if I decide to keep it?
Him: Then never speak to me again. I don’t want to know the child exists.
Clearly I should have ended contact with him then and there, but I was scared, hormonal and hopeful he would change his mind. We already have plans for me to visit him another weekend so I do so. During my visit he puts it in my head that we could have a long, happy relationship together - if I have the abortion. The cards are already stacked against me raising a child on my own so eventually I agree to terminate.
Surprising no one but me, he ends it with me (over the phone) the day after the procedure. He cites work as the reason, saying he’s already on probation for some unethical stuff and he needs to focus on his residency. I accept the news calmly but start wondering what the hell this guy is up to. I look up his public record but can’t find his registration information anywhere. My friend helps and manages to dig up the fact that Tinder guy gave me a fake name, lied about his age and oh yeah — he’s married. I call him to confront him.
Me: How would your wife feel if she knew about this?
Him: You mean my ex? Yeah we’re separated. Go ahead and tell her. She probably won’t want to reconcile with me but whatever.
Me: And what about your residency? What about your probation? What if I reported that you swipe Percocet and submit your own urine under a patient’s name so you can get faster test results?
Him: Please don’t do that. (He starts crying)
So I make the decision to call his wife’s office and leave a message with my name. She calls back thinking it’s work related. I tell her I want to talk to her about her husband, and she can call me from a private number if she wants to discuss it further. Basically I’m putting the ball in her court. Next thing I know, Tinder guy is calling me in a rage saying that I hurt his wife’s feelings, they’re back together and he told her everything. (Btw this is 2 days after he said they were separated.) I made her cry at work and he’s going to file a restraining order against me.
I tell him not to worry, the next time he hears from me will be through a formal report. I file the complaint about his unethical dealings (faking his identity, taking narcotics from work, falsifying test results) and now I’m waiting for the state licensing board to schedule a hearing.
So AITA for basically trying to ruin this guy’s life? On the one hand, his drug smuggling and lies didn’t bother me while we were seeing each other, so clearly I didn’t think they were THAT unethical. So I feel very conflicted having reported him out of spite (and probably misplaced hormonal feelings). On the other hand, he’s already on probation for “something else,” his ability to manipulate and lie to people is pretty worrying in a neurosurgeon, and it would be irresponsible not to report what I knew.
TL, DR: Met a doctor guy on Tinder. He lied to me, got me pregnant and broke up with me after the abortion. I contact his wife and report his shady dealings to the medical licensing board.
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HISTORICAL
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apbtox
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{
"description": "cutting off friends that dont use my chosen name",
"pronormative_score": 17,
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|
AITA for cutting off friends that dont use my chosen name
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Context: I am male to female transgender and do go by a name other than my legal name.
I have been out of the closet for nearly two years this coming March and have been using the name Valerie since October a year and a half ago. I am far from passing but starting medical treatments as soon as this Thursday. Most of the time people are pretty good about using my name and pronouns and I'm pretty forgiving of slip ups depending on the situation but I had one person who kept using my deadname "by mistake".
Back in August I finally decided I wouldn't even respond to my deadname, unless it was someone who I wasn't out to yet, so I tried to ignore this person as long as I could. This weekend I snapped, I was out shopping for clothes with some friends in a forever 21 and she kept calling me 'he' and 'him'. I yelled at them in the store and put the things I had grabbed back before storming back out to drive home.
When I got home I started feeling really guilty because I've never really gotten so angry at anyone to the point of causing a scene. I haven't talked to her since nor have I heard from most of the other people I was out with, the one that has talked to me said it was pretty shitty of me so I decided to post here.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "wanting to return clothes I didn't like",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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|
AITA for wanting to return clothes i didn't like?
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I went out the my grandparents and wanted to get some parts for my laptop and besides that, cash. I got a laptop battery and a charger which was great and then I got $80 in clothes. I was asked if I looked it and said yes so as not to be rude, and put them in a bag to take home. I asked my mom (politely) to ask them for receipts to get them returned so I could buy something else and my mom all of a sudden lost it. She began suggesting that I was nothing but an ungrateful asshole and proceeded to just make sure to make me feel like trash for not wanting the nice Adidas pants and Nike hoodie I had gotten and honestly I don't think I am but I'm curious to see what an outsider would think. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting to take my family swimming on a hot day",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for not wanting to take my family swimming on a hot day.
|
Context: I live in Australia and it was 30°c (~90°f) at 9am this morning. I have a wife and 2 children (6 & 8).
Out of nowhere my wife decides we're going swimming with her family. Didn't ask or consult me at all. That's not particularly unusual. I don't want to go as the pool is in direct sunlight and I don't feel it refreshing at all. The beach is too far to drive drom here, but would be a nice alternative. We have air conditioning & ceiling fans throughout the house so it isn't too hot at home. We have already been swimming several times this summer & will go a lot more. I just don't geel up to sitting in the searing heat.
It's a public pool & I will basically be paying to sit & burn.
|
HISTORICAL
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"description": "threatening to cut ties with a friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for threatening to cut ties with a friend?
|
I was in a skype call with 3 people (lets call them ashe, mimi, and josh) i know josh for about a year and was really nice to me mimi and josh are pretty new to me, now they all video chat but i dont have a camera on my pc but i do own a laptop with a camera, ashe starts showing his knife collection and take a random knife and starts fake cutting himself, now josh takes a knife calls him a "pussy" and cut his arm off, in this part i messaged him to not cut and if he could please stop, josh said he is gonna do whatever he is wanna do, next he tells me to go on my laptop and join from there, i said no as i wanted to use my desktop and not my laptop, next he says "join the video call or i will cut my self", i said no so he started doing a count down from 20 to 0, with each second i said no, it reached 0, i didnt join, he cut himself.
i left the call and told him im not going to accept anyone who tries to manipulate me to do stuff i dont want to do while abusing that i care about him and if he ever does that again ill remove him from my life, he blocked me.
​
am i the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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azqldi
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"description": "ghosting a girl",
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"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for ghosting a girl?
|
So this happened 2 days ago while I was working at a restuarant, a couple came in about an hour before we closed around 9pm so it wasnt busy and I was able to chat with them, she was extremely talkative from the second she came through the door until she sat down at the table, she was with a guy that had is arm around kinda lower hip area so I assumed they were on a date or something. I was busy working on side work and I noticed them leaving so I told them to have a good night, then she walked up to me and handed me a piece of paper, I had a feeling it was going to have a number on it but it also had a note saying "you were the best part of the date I'm on...lol. would like to see you again:)" with her name and phone number on it. I was pretty surprised that she would do that in front of her date so I just kinda stood there for a min, then one of my co workers came up to me and told me this girl told her date she was going to leave her number for me. I still have the note but I'm not planning on messaging her back, I've been cheated on twice and that's never fun, even if you are going on a first date with someone I feel like that is such a shitty thing to do to someone. Should I still message her saying I'm not interested?
Not a throwaway so I'll be ready to answer any question and take any criticism. Thank you for your time.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "secretly stalking my recovering anorexic friend's Instagram and finding out that she had a crush on someone",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
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|
AITA for secretly stalking my recovering anorexic friend's Instagram and finding out that she had a crush on someone?
|
My best friend started developing her eating disorder around September of 2017 after some events happened. Her eating disorder got pretty bad but she began to recover with the help of a doctor around April of 2018. In November of 2018 she started an account to document her progress in recovery. She accidentally pressed the "Confirm" button for linking her new account to her contacts. I happened to find it in my suggested friends list, but I didn't follow her.
​
The next day I talked to her about and asked her if she would like me to simply block the account and act like it never existed. She said yes, so I blocked it on my main account. She was also glad that I had told her she accidentally linked it to her number, since she didn't want other people from our school to find out about it.
​
The thing is, I'm sometimes really concerned about her. I had an account that was private and had zero followers, and I would block everyone from our school on it. I would use it to rant/vent/write journal entries in it. I started to use it to check up on her account. It was usually just rants and pictures of food she ate that made her out of her comfort zone. I was really proud of her.
​
She also had a tellonym (a website that lets you anonymously send people questions and they publicly answer it) and I asked her if she liked anyone. I personally have had a little crush on her that's on and off, but I was just curious. I was thought that she might've been into me, but turns out she liked another dude. I broke my own heart. After that, I just kind of stopped trying to drop hints that I would like to date her. I also felt guilty that I had taken advantage of her trust like that.
​
So AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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b15rm8
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{
"description": "refusing to send my mother selfies every week",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for refusing to send my mother selfies every week?
|
My mom texts me just about weekly asking for me to send her pictures of myself. We live close and she sees me often. When I tell her no, she replies with “well I’m your mom”, as if it entitles her to whatever she wants. However she acts like I’m an asshole for not sending her them. I am 25F and she is 45F.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ae07p7
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{
"description": "being annoyed at my manager for not understanding how much my pets mean to me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at my manager for not understanding how much my pets mean to me?
|
Bit of background, I work in a professional career where progression is everything. I have been with my GF for over 4 years, living with her for 2 years, and in Jan 2018 we got two gerbils.
​
Yesterday I get a call from my GF saying that one had become very ill overnight and the vet says that she needed to be put down. She was very distrust and so I asked permission to leave to be her and say by to my beloved pet, which my direct senior agreed and so I went home.
​
Today I get asked into a meeting with a higher up boss who says that I was stupid for going home for \"only a gerbil\" which caused me to miss a meeting where I wasn't required, and that any of the partners would have laughed at me for leaving. That they would understand if it was a dog or cat but a gerbil wasn't important enough to warrant missing. I said that it was also to support my GF but they just asked couldn't it have waited until 5pm (I got the call at 11am).
​
I remained calm and didn't want to argue but afterwards thought that they had no idea how much this gerbil meant to me, am I the asshole for being annoyed or are they justified?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "ignoring my friend after his relationship ended",
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|
AITA for ignoring my friend after his relationship ended?
|
So a little bit of background here, I've known my friend since 5th grade (currently in 11th) and we've had a on again off again relationship. I've known his ex since I was little, and I hung out with her and her small friendgroup this summer. She's really nice and actually cares about people. So my friend was staying overnight one night and told me that he was going to ask her out that night. I had known about his crush on her for a while as we had talked about it a lot before, and I kept encouraging him to do it because it was obvious they had feelings for each other. So he asked her out and she said yes, and that happened around 2 months ago. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, where he was in the school play, where he would interact with another girl, and that's how they met. So my friend asked his girlfriend to prom around the same timeframe, and she accepted. So 2 sundays ago, him and this girl (not girlfriend) went to a party and got super drunk. They immediately hit it off and became "really good friends". I was perfectly alright with this, and felt good for him that he had made a really good friend. Well, it turns out that when I was filming a video on saturday, I was told that he had broken up with her very suddenly, and that he had cheated on her (which was incorrect). I immediately tried calling him, didn't get an answer, but he texted me and I asked about what happened and then we left it at that. He didn't want to admit it, but he broke up with her to go date this other girl that he had talked to for a week. I texted his ex to say that I felt sorry for her and what he had done to her, and she said that it was super sudden and she had no idea it was coming. He asked me the next day if I supported his decision, and I said that I thought it was an irrational decision based on getting drunk with this girl that he had not even talked to prior. I was just pretty upset that he would throw away this sweet girl that he had been "so in love with" and had been dating for 3 months for someone he met when he was drunk and had talked to for a week. I have stopped trying to make conversation with him as much (as he never starts any) and he has made no attempt to talk about it with me, even though he told me he would. I haven't called him an asshole or anythinf, but imo, that was incredibly wrong to do, especially since he always told me how much he loved her and how she made him so happy. AITA here?
(I forgot to add that at the same party, he said "Man, I love [her name] so much" to my other friend. They were still dating at the time).
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "ghosting one of my closest friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
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|
AITA for ghosting one of my closest friends?
|
Apologies for length (tldr at the end) and here’s some backstory- L and I have been friends for a couple years, and it was only when I moved to a different state that things got weird.
It was super hard on L because I was pretty much the only friend he was willing to leave the house for and he was always telling me he wished we’d become roommates. I was doing great after I moved but every time I mentioned my new job, home, friends, etc L would either make it about him or just ignore it completely and go on about how depressed he was. That was my first red flag that this friendship maybe wasn’t as supportive as I thought.
I went back to visit a couple weeks ago and my friend let me stay at her place while she was on vacation. She invited L to stay over for a couple nights so he could have a little staycation, which was so incredibly kind of her considering she’s only met him once. L was ungrateful and negative the whole time. The second he walked in, he started complaining about every little thing. Her decor, the dog fur on the couch, the lack of food in the fridge, the closet doors didn’t shut right- the list goes on.
I was pissed considering she let him stay for free and his constant whining made me not want to spend a second with him. He barely asked about my life and just complained endlessly about his. I paid for our food and Ubers because he was broke and I didn’t get a thank you. I brought back a few pieces of cake from a bakery and he ate all of them without asking. He didn’t even apologize when I told him I was going to save one for myself.
I should have spoken up but he was doing so shitty mental health wise that I didn’t want him to feel bad about himself. Instead, I flew back home like nothing was wrong and started ignoring his messages. But then he sent me a flurry of texts about how he really needed help and was considering treatment programs but didn’t know where to start. That’s when I started feeling super guilty but still didn’t reply. I haven’t sent anything back for 3 weeks and don’t plan to. A break from talking to him made me realize that a lot of our friendship was just him using me. But I know it sucks to have a good friend stop talking to you out of nowhere.
AITA for resorting to childish behavior and ghosting him?
TLDR; stopped replying to a friend after he whined and complained during our vacation. I feel bad because he has bad mental health issues. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "getting frustrated with Fellow Classmate for constantly butting into my conversations",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA For Getting Frustrated With Fellow Classmate For Constantly Butting Into My Conversations?
|
There’s a guy in my class who’s been in a few of my classes for the past year. We are not friends by any means, I simply just know of him because he’s been in my classes.
We have 2 classes together this semester, and he has this annoying habit that is really starting to get on my nerves. Me and my friend will be having a conversation between the two of us (before class) that has absolutely nothing to do with him, and EVERY SINGLE CLASS PERIOD he butts into our conversation and goes, “what? What are you talking abut?” Most of the time we are talking about a class he isn’t even in. One day we were literally on the opposite side of the room as him discussing a test we got back, and he shouts “Which question are you talking about??” Another day we were discussing hotel options for my friends vacation and from across the room he goes “What??” Like dude, I’m not talking to you!! I’m getting frustrated because I can never have a conversation with my friend without him listening to us and I feel like I have no privacy. I’ve never said anything to him besides “oh, nothing” or “we’re talking about a different class” but I’m about to nicely just say “oh I wasn’t talking to you”
It just drives me crazy that he constantly eavesdrops in our conversations and tries to butt in.
Tl;dr
AITA: guy in my class constantly eavesdrops on my and my friends conversations, tries to butt into every conversation we have when it has nothing to do with him. Next time I want to say “I wasn’t talking to you”
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b5rbzy
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"description": "stopping hanging out with my friend without explaining why",
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|
WIBTA if I stop hanging out with my friend without explaining why?
|
This is gonna be a long post, so please skip to the bottom if you want a tl;dr.
​
I have this friend, Sam, who I have known since high school (we are 24 now). Sam is a fun person to be around and we share a lot of interests, but he also takes advantage of people and tries to be the center of attention all the time.
​
Sam is always broke because he is addicted to video games, smokes weed and is unemployed. Sam guilts people into driving him places, buying him food + covering his entrance fees. If anyone refuses, he whines and says that it's not his fault that he doesn't have a job because of school. This is true, but everyone in my friend group has gone to school, and we all worked or accepted that we didn't have disposable income to spend.
​
The way that he guilts people into paying for him is also really shitty. For example, we will all be making plans for dinner and then hanging out at somebody's house. The message will make it clear that the dinner is optional but people have to pay for themselves, but the event afterwards is free and people can drop in.
​
He lives with his parents so we all know he could get a free dinner if he wanted. However, Sam will just show up and then say that he can't pay. At that point, our order has already been taken and it's awkward to force him to leave, so me and my gf end up covering his portion. He has yet to pay me back, and I think at this point I've spent at least 5 hundred bucks on him.
​
Sam also makes events about him. I have seen him do this at birthday parties, people's graduation parties, etc. He steals the spotlight by not letting anyone else talk for hours. He also constantly smokes my weed, even though I use it for medical purposes (ovarian), then gets moody and goes on these angry rants or just puts in headphones. He has never offered me any money for the weed he uses, he just smokes as much of it as he can get his hands on. He will get the munchies, and then refuse to share the food with other people, even though it was food I bought for everyone.
​
I am getting really fed up with this, but he has recently been reaching out to me to hang out. I have tried bringing up issues I have with him and he flies off the handle. He can not handle criticism, he gets really angry. I want to stay civil with him because he is part of a larger friend group and it would be really uncomfortable if we hated each other, but I also don't want to hang out with him one on one or let him into my house because I feel really used. WIBTA if I just kind of faded him out of my life by deferring hangouts and saying I'm busy? I'm moving to another state for work soon, so we will only be seeing each other when I come home on vacation.
​
tl;dr: one of my long-time friends constantly uses me for money, weed and transportation and ruins people's special events. I'm tired of it but don't want to start shit with him. WIBTA if I just kind of phased him out of my life?
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{
"description": "telling my so to stop making stupid decisions w/o checking in with me first",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my SO to stop making stupid decisions w/o checking in with me first?
|
So, first of all.. I want to get this off my chest: I will make this post gender neutral as I really don't want people taking sides based on sex/gender.
Me and my Significant Other have been living together for 5 years and are getting married next year (yay!). A peculiarity of my SO is their family weak spot. If their family requests money, then bam... money is given away, if their family DOES NOT ask for money but call my SO directly and say ''I need to pay some bills'', then my SO takes it as a queue indicating that money has to be given.
My SO has told me stories about how there was a necessity to start working at 16 and helping family when a money shortage was in place, but instead my SO's debit, credit or Groceries card (we receive Grocery Bonus cards that allows us to pay for groceries on top of our regular paycheck, super normal here) were taken away by their family so they could manage the expenses, instead. Long story short, when my SO gave them the credit card to fix a car problem they never paid the debt back and ruined my SOs credit score, we moved in together soon after that, but my SOs family keeps demanding money passive aggressively by guilt tripping my SO.
A couple of days ago, my SO received a yearly Christmas bonus which is given by law in our country which was used to buy a much needed laptop for school and still had money to spare for other expenses. My SO came back home one day and this statement came up while we were talking about our day: ''I saw mom and gave her 500bucks'' I was appalled and just responded with a ''WHAT?, WHY?'' and the only response I got was ''She said she needed money''. I said it was very inconsiderate to just give 500 bucks away without checking with me first.. not because it's only my SOs money, but because we are a couple and not taking financial decisions together has often caused hardships with our budget. Realizing there was nothing we could do and how money was lost, I let it go and kept doing my daily things.
Unfortunately, today my SO came back home and said ''I need to go to home depot and buy Christmas Ornaments and lights'' and I asked how come since we didn't have a plan to buy a Christmas tree.. and my SO said ''My mother asked me to buy them because she wants to put up a tree and have my niece see her first Christmas Tree''. I snapped at that moment and said it was a stupid decision to take yet again without checking in with me to see if I was okay with it or not, specially after giving 500 dollars away which I know we are never getting back and how money keeps being throw away and that's why we've been having so many issues with bills lately. I let my SO know that they should just stop spending money without telling me about it because of all the bad decisions that are being taken recently concerning money.
I explained that their family is being incredibly inconsiderate for asking money time after time, and it's not our fault my mother in law doesn't have a job and doesn't want to get a job worth a damn and we should not cover her needs in spite of having a husband who should be taking care of her instead of asking my SO to budget in expenses that do not belong to us. I told my SO to talk to my mother in law and tell her to get a damn job instead of leeching off a couple who is trying to get married and stop asking for money all the time. My SO refused, so I called my mother in law and tried to talk to her by saying we can't give any more money and how she should have thought twice before blowing out the 500 my SO gave her.
Needless to say, it is kind of a shit storm, but I am just way too tired of my SOs family taking advantage of my SO, and my SO not accepting how these decisions are being taken way to lightly and as a couple, we should BOTH be taking them.
Am I the asshole here? :/
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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juhlnTVfDi3rruwsiUleroRxym4vcwM8
|
auo6j3
|
{
"description": "leaving my gf alone one day a week",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for leaving my gf alone one day a week?
|
Gf and I live together. She has depression. I love her to death, but it’s a pain in the ass sometimes.
Lately different stuff has been getting to me and I have a “guys night”. Just to let off steam.
It’s become a weekly thing. Usually on my Friday. Gf has been getting mad about it. I do work a lot and usually when. I come home it’s eat, watch some tv , and bed. She does have a point. But her depression has completely over taken our lives. I just need a break from her sometimes. It’s too much.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
26XZhPKSXzA9rzRuDfdEenSv03hacVYC
|
azp00x
|
{
"description": "making out with other people at a rave",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I made out with other people at a rave?
|
So, I have been dating this girl (let’s call her Samantha) for about 3 months now. Everything has been amazing so far. However, we are currently long distance and have decided to not be exclusive or make anything official until we live closer to each other. We’ve been trying to see each other every week or two.
Now, Beyond is coming up (a rave) and I will be going with some friends. We decided to roll (molly) while we are there. Since a known side effect of rolling is the urge for physical contact (grinding, kissing, massages, etc), I asked Samantha how should would feel if I made out with people there. She said it wouldn’t matter how she felt and that she doesn’t want to hold me back because we aren’t exclusive. But I know she would be very sad.
WIBTA if while rolling, I make out with other people?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
b4GTcjGhfjwp0DbZNFhr6qreYbxLV18D
|
arhdnu
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend she should start doing her own laundry",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: i told my girlfriend she should start doing her own laundry.
|
So some preface
Back when i was looking for a room to rent, my girlfriend suggested finding a bigger place. She said she would contribute a quarter of the rent. She was still living with her parents at the time but she would basically come over every thursday to sunday. Basically every half of the week. I attested at first but she convinced me after we found a decent room that was located at an ideal spot.
Fast forward to today, she's hardly paying a quarter of the rent anymore due to her change of careers (which i was completely supportive of). She started freelancing, and after joining this particular agency, she has been overwhelmed with work to the point where she almost never does any chores. And i find myself doing twice the load of laundry and basically maintaining the entire place on some occasions completely on my own.
I guess i got a little annoyed with that fact.
​
I feel like i am housing a freeloader, and i know that's not the case. i try to sympathize with her and i acknowledge the fact that she has a tonne of work to do but the thought still eats in to me.
So after doing the laundry, i decided to text her and suggested that she started doing her laundry at her own home (they have a domestic helper). She wasn't really mad but she told i could've told her how i felt about this situation differently. We came to a decision that i would do my own laundry and she would do her own but in the same apartment.
Am i the asshole for giving my suggestion?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
H7Bm17rJn6JMyw0ohe09iurc5XM24mVs
|
9x6s8h
|
{
"description": "considering divorce",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for considering divorce?
|
Been married several years now, no kids. We have talked about having kids, but haven't gone forward due to her anxiety about the whole process, and my fear of committing to the whole lifestyle of being a parent.
I work full time and then some, as my job keeps me busy (60, 70 hours a week). My income pays for basically everything.
She has been pursuing a career in photography for some six years. She's made headway here and there with some good clients and jobs, but mostly she travels around and takes photos for her portfolio (meaning there is no paying client).
I have suggested focusing more time on actual marketing, or hiring an agent or joining an agency several times, to get a more steady workflow going. Or even just having business cards for the times people ask for them. But it seems like she doesn't want to work harder than she is now. Sometimes I suggest that, if this career isn't growing into something productive/a means of actually supporting our economic needs, she might need try a different career path. But she won't consider any other line of work.
I'm coming to the view that she so reliant on my income and safety net that she feels no need to make her career an actual career. This makes me feel taken advantage of. I've communicated as clearly as I can that this situation makes me feel take for granted, taken advantage of, etc. Even so, it seems like it doesn't affect her actual behavior when it comes to working.
I get that it's a competitive world, and photography is not easy. I don't want to ask her to give up on her dreams or her passion. I also can't feel okay feeling like I'm being used.
So, I'm thinking about divorce. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
dd28bg5zWmWqbH7hYNzNmMOOxgr9yuQU
|
ap1ehg
|
{
"description": "sleeping with my sister's boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for sleeping with my sister’s boyfriend?
|
I’m 20 and my sister and her boyfriend are 24 and 25 respectively. They’ve always had an open relationship, and everyone in my family is well aware of this.
My sister knows that I’ve always been very attracted to her boyfriend and that the feeling is mutual. She has joked about us sleeping together before and implied but never explicitly stated that she wouldn’t care if we did.
I was staying with my sister for a few days and me and her boyfriend ended up having the house to ourselves for a few hours. We ended up sleeping together. It felt very natural and not like a big deal as all three of us are very open about sex.
When my sister came home, I mentioned what had happened, and she got a very hurt look on her face. She went into the other room and started crying. Me and her boyfriend were shocked and both went to go talk to her. She said that what we did was totally inappropriate and told us both to get out. Neither of us had expected this. They have a very casual relationship when it comes to sex (they sleep with other people all the time without even mentioning it to the other) and, like I said before, my sister has implied that she would be okay with it if we slept together. I pointed that out, and she just said that this was different and again told us to get out. We both left, and she hasn’t returned my texts or calls since then (this happened Friday night).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
WRONG
|
49EauhyhI4VhdpWwCAzCB2rx3RMxhZf4
|
am7nmz
|
{
"description": "forcing my bridesmaid to be at my destination wedding and miss seeing her family who live in the same country",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA to force my bridesmaid to be at my destination wedding and miss seeing her family who live in the same country?
|
Hi all: a bridesmaid advice question for everyone..
I (30, Aussie, living in London) have a great friend of mine (also, 30, Aussie living in London) who I asked to be my bridesmaid when my partner proposed in August 2018. She said yes, and couldn’t wait etc.
Through one thing and another it’s taken us 5 months to set the date, and we’ve found a place back in my partners hometown. We were always going to get married back in Australia, and my bridesmaid had been involved in the search (seeing photos etc).
The date that is available is December 14th. And this is where things get tricky. I told her the date, and she said ‘that’s going to be really hard for me to make’. Basically because she can’t go back to Aus without seeing all her family (in Brisbane/Sydney) and flights to all those locations are at least $3k return in December.
I can appreciate that she wouldn’t want to go all the way to Aus and not see her family. But also: I didn’t realise coming to my wedding would only be possible if she saw them.
I’ve found flights for less than half the price (which are direct, and don’t include extra side-trips to different family members). But she says her family will basically never speak to her again if they find out she’s been in the country and not been to see them.
I only had 3 bridesmaids.. and now will only have 2 if she decides the trip isn’t possible. Should I just get over it? Am I being unreasonable?
Sorry for the rant!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
aaQ6gdKue5iznbYqMk6OfTn496C005Qa
|
alb2cq
|
{
"description": "confining my feelings to my boyfriend who has major depressive disorder",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for confining my feelings to my boyfriend who has major depressive disorder?
|
So my boyfriend developed major depressive disorder during his time in high school and still has it to this day. I don't really have a problem with him having said disorder, but I've wondered if his condition has affects how we communicate and process what we say to each other.
He had told me that he had gone through multiple treatments in the past (for 2 long years) but haven't had much progress. He, however, can still be a good mature person despite having aforementioned disorder. So I treat him like any neurotypical person, just with more patience whenever he has bad days.
We don't many major problems, besides being in long-distance, which to him is a big problem. We have met online and have yet to meet 'til we can afford to fly to each other's countries. But he has only been in geographically close relationships, so the experience has been new and difficult for him. He often tells me how the distance really affects him emotionally, and how it just brings down his mood when it's been on his mind. Myself, I'm not affected as much, so I try to accommodate a lot to make it worth it. I try to talk with him often, send pictures, videos, and recordings to comfort him. He doesn't reciprocate the same in frequency, but I didn't mind.
But then we have problems when either of us have something holding us up from spending time with each other. For him it can be family outings and hang outs with his friends. Myself, I gotten sick over the holidays and wasn't able to spend time with him one night. And the communication problems start during this time.
Being sick with fever, I didn't understand why he couldn't keep me company over the phone. Eventually I find out he switched plans and decided to hang out with his friends instead of with me. To clarify, we agreed to hang out that night but I got sick during the day. So as I saw it, since I told him I was sick, he didn't stay to keep me company, despite me telling him that I wanted him to stay.
I should also clarify that he didn't make plans to hang out with his friends that night, and only to spend time with me. So I became pretty upset when he decided to not talk to me all of sudden once I told him I was sick.
Later he clarified that he needed time alone, which I wish he told me he did sooner. He told me he didn't talk much to his friends and just stayed in a voice chat with them without making much comment. But what made me so upset was that he was so quick to change plans from being ok to spend time with me to immediately leaving without telling me why.
For one, I didn't try to be aggressive with him. I didn't accuse him of leaving me, but I felt abandoned and I need to communicate it to him.
So, as I learned from several educational videos and books about communicating in a relationship, I told him "I feel abandoned," instead of "You abandoned me." You know, using "I" statements when communicating about things you dislike.
Whether or not it was true, I'm fine with being told that it isn't the case. However when I did, *he* became upset as if I really did accuse him of abandoning me. Eventually *I* had to be the one to apologize *just for telling him how I felt.*
I find it a strange situation considering we just end up becoming upset with each other just for feeling upset. From then I just kept apologizing to him and feeling like I was in the wrong for even *feeling abandoned*. He would tell me that knowing that make him overthink about why I felt that way. Like "what did he do wrong?" and such.
So now I just decided to stop confining my feelings to him. Or when I do, I have to say a disclaimer "May or may not be a *valid* feeling" just to show I may not mean what I say. I'm not violent or aggressive when I talk to him about my feelings. But a simple "I feel (insert negative emotion)" is enough to make him upset, even with a disclaimer. And I don't mean to make him the bad guy in our situations, but
​
So, am I the asshole for telling him about my feelings despite how much it apparently affects him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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xtn8JIjHWUTI9M6Zt8yPepa7DiHBr3CU
|
9yzsvb
|
{
"description": "giving my gf a reason to be insecure",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for giving my gf a reason to be insecure
|
So a little backstory between me and my girlfriend. I am skinny, she is not. She is self conscious about her weight, because she knows my type is not usually girls like her. In the beginning I was a massive dick to her and almost didn't give our relationship a chance because I could not see myself with a bigger girl. I have since realized she is perfect for me, and I love her just the way she is. She forgave me, even though I didn't deserve it, and decided to give our relationship a chance. We've been together for nearly 2 years, during which I have tried to convince her over and over that she's perfect just the way she is (to make up for my horrible assholery at the beginning), but sometimes moments like this come up where I give her insecurities more ammo.
Okay, now for the situation at hand. A while back she was browsing her facebook in front of me and singled out a girl, asking if I thought she was hot. I said yeah. That was a mistake. Since then, every time she has her facebook open in front of me and she sees a post from this girl she feels the need to point her out as "the hot girl," and saying if I friended her she would kill me. Because of this, I knew her name on facebook.
So one day, out of boredom, I look this girl up on facebook. Just to look at her pictures. She doesn't even have many public pictures, just a handful. But for some reason I felt compelled to look her up. Maybe it was that "forbidden fruit" aspect of it, where my gf pointing her out all the time made me more curious about her. **Now, this is when I must make it clear** that I would **never** cheat on my gf, **ever, for any reason, with anyone**. She was my first, and I love her more than I thought I was capable of loving anyone or anything. The only reason I looked this girl up was to check her out. I had no plans of initiating conversation with her or anything like that. We're not even friends on facebook.
So cut to tonight, my gf and I are laying in bed and I pull up my phone to check facebook in front of her, to check out memes and shit, and I go over to the search bar to search for a meme page. Lo and behold, hot girl's name is in the search history, and my gf sees it. She tries to play it cool when she notices, like it's no big deal, but it doesn't take long for her to start crying. She becomes non-communicative, as is usually the case in situations like this, and no matter how hard I try to explain to her that this girl means absolutely nothing to me, it's not really helping the situation. She eventually packs up the few things she brought and leaves (we don't live together), barely saying another word in the process. Her last words when I told her I just wanted to know how she felt was, "How do you think I feel?"
I don't know, reddit. Part of me feels I did very little wrong here. My gf doesn't get mad at me for watching porn, so why should she be mad at me for ogling an acquaintance of hers? This person means literally nothing to me. On the other hand, another part of me realizes how I'm basically feeding her insecurities, making her think she's not good enough for me by checking out other girls, even though I don't intend to do anything with them. And I think it might hit closer to home for her than normal because it's someone she knows and explicitly told me over and over again not to contact (again, I didn't). She feels I betrayed her, but I'm not sure I did.
So, AITA? Lay it on me; I can take it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
TZb4Cynsxu69gvwYF0TxbwYgVvzR9h5m
|
b7ryki
|
{
"description": "asking to be notified if a coworker is going to bring their child in for this whole day",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for asking to be notified if a coworker is going to bring their child in for this whole day?
|
Certain coworkers have started to bring their children to work with them frequently and for the whole business day at the office. This seems inappropriate to me.
The children aren’t very loud, but the whole office reacts to the children. People will stop by to visit the child and play with the child, making it disruptive for people with nearby cubicles.
It’s not the child that is badly behaved, it’s my child-obsessed coworkers that make a big deal about it.
I made a formal suggestion to have a notification email sent when there will be children in the office FOR THE WHOLE DAY so I could choose to work remotely those days (something my company offers).
But apparently, that’s very rude to ask for? To be notified? The office was in an uproar that I would even ask for something like that to be implemented across the whole company. I’m starting to feel hostility from people for my request. I don’t understand why. I just asked a question. I don’t care if there are kids in the office but I don’t want to be there at the same time. I want to work during my work hours. I phrased my request nicely, not trying to vilify anyone for their actions. Is this an inappropriate thing to ask?
There is nothing in the employee handbook saying that children can or cannot be in the office all day.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
SwB4sUWK8Ck8qNU9oR91TthfiLr5BaXE
|
apiik5
|
{
"description": "guilting others for guilting myself to give a gift I wanted to give to the whole group",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for guilting others for guilting myself to give a gift I wanted to give to the whole group?
|
Alright, so in celebration for a Valentine’s Day Party, my class and I were all planning on bringing something in. I declared bringing two bundtini dozens (cupcakes from Nothing Bundt Cakes.) However, everyone else felt uneasy at me spending $37 for two dozen, even though I was perfectly willing and able to spend money for it (I had a gift card ready to use.)
When I posted possible flavors for everyone in the group chat, one person disliked all of the flavors. In a bout of slight anger, I called him out on declining a gift I felt comfortable giving. No one responded, and we never discussed getting flavors ever again. Now I feel bad, but I’m not sure where to go from here, so I at least need a verdict. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
V6NzjA5KtcAm8dfSVgY21sK8bS2idOVw
|
9wypus
|
{
"description": "trying to avoid a girl in my year despite the fact she has very few friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to avoid a girl in my year despite the fact she has very few friends
|
I feel so childish for having to ask this.
I’m in the last year of my A levels (17) and met a new girl to our school during a biology field trip. She seemed nice enough and I quickly became friends with her as she seemed alone and my friend with me appeared to be avoiding me.
It turns out she was not avoiding me but my new friend (I’ll call her A from here on).
It turns out that A isn’t well liked in her house (boarding house) and is considered really weird. I’ll admit that I can see why, she obviously has some undiagnosed anxiety and maybe paranoid delusions as she come out with really odd questions and is constantly thinking that everyone is out to get her. Apparently she was really difficult to room with because of this and now she really only has one friend other than me.
Now we’re back for another term I’m trying to balance keeping my old friends, none if which like her ( a few r e a l l y don’t like her) and being nice to her because I don’t want her to feel alone.
She is getting bullied. Not by anyone I’m close to and she’s not told me anything directly so there’s not much I can do but try to keep the staff informed. A struggles to understand normal conversations and so she is really gullible. The girls tend to take advantage of that and persuade her to do really weird things which only make her paranoia worse when she realises she’s been tricked. I’ve tried to persuade her to go to the school counsellor but A is convinced that the counsellor is also just being mean to her and now A won’t listen to any of her advice.
So you can probably see why I want to help and stay her friend but whenever I’m with her, I can’t be with all my other friends because A really irritates them.
It’s really childish but I’ve had to say stuff like that she can’t come to lunch with me and that makes me feel awful because I then see her eating alone at house. I’m having to avoid her in between lessons as well now as my friend are finding it weird that I hang out with her so much.
In short, AITA for trying to avoid her, and if so what can I do to help?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
7XHepGyCUkyqmwkNibNhSNNbrV8rlGF2
|
b7f6w4
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay my parents rent",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay my parents rent?
|
I'm part of a family of five living in a small two room house in an equally small town. My mom is disabled and can't work, while my dad has been working on and off the past ten years or so while he goes to college (his college history isn't important). Before i graduated highschool I got a job, and at the time was the only person employed in my house. Now I love my mom and do all I can to help her about, even dropping anywhere from 50-80% of every paycheck I made on helping pay bills to stop her from stressing.
Now early last year my brother dropped out of college and moved back home. Ever since he has left the house less than 35-40 times, and won't help pay for any of the bills, since all he does is sit around yelling at his video games. Before going to college he had physically abused me, and everyone has been afraid of him since, but mom wants to love her son, so she lets him stick around nonetheless. Well recently he had yelled at her with quite provocative language ending with him supposedly getting kicked out (i spent an hour crying with mom just to calm her down after). Now he can't be bothered to get a job, and knew mom would forgive him, so he quickky came back to live on the couch.
After talking to mom about how he needs to go she came up with her own creative response; charge rent. It would "force him to get a job to stay, and then he'll have the funds to leave home". Well this mandatory rent extends to me as well so he doesn't feel unjustly singled out. Now my parents are only asking for about 200 a month, but up to this point i had already been paying several utilities by myself, and our power bill was in my name, around 300 dollars of my measly 400 dollar fast food place checks (with the rest going to food, mainly work lunch and dinners), so triple that at the minimum.
I hadn't been able to save much at all because I put my family first, and now they are requiring me to give them my money to make sure my abuser doesn't get upset.
After mom informed me about how I now have to pay them, I haven't wanted to give them another single cent. I've always been a giving person but once something is demanded of me I no longer wish to give anything more than asked, especially after I put off college to help pay bills until my dad finally graduates. I've told my mom my views and she seems disappointed with me now, and won't talk to me anywhere near as much.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
assqGVB1WQ4IK1c367gMf4ypjY2vfGXz
|
av68rf
|
{
"description": "getting mad that my bf didn't text me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting mad that my bf didn't text me?
|
obligatory throwaway account disclaimer
​
last night my bf and I were messaging on instagram and around 10:30 he said he was going to bed, which was a little weird because he doesn't usually go to bed until midnight but I was like whatever, no big deal, said goodnight and all that. Well around 12:30 I'm still up so I go onto instagram for a casual scroll before bed and I see that he's still active even though he said he was going to bed. That was weird to me. I sent him a meme to see if he would talk to me more because we don't get to talk often throughout the day because school and all and he just replied with "lol, go to sleep" then I got upset about it (I didn't tell him I was upset and he doesn't know, hence the throwaway account)
So AITA for getting upset that my bf said he was going to bed but was still online two hours later?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ThBaL5QnCBrUVoVnCSKCL4UksZpULJiI
|
b8cmi0
|
{
"description": "wanting to fix the problem I created",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for wanting to fix the problem I created?
|
I’m in college. I have a girlfriend, we’ll call her Alice. Our friends: Karen, Sam (Karen’s BF), and Cait (Alice’s roommate). We’re freshmen.
So, two times (one last semester, once this February), I have blacked out drinking and thrown up. Once was on Alice’s bed, and the other time was in my own bed. There was a third time, but that was for pure stomach reasons, that was also in my room. My friends have always helped me clean up. There was also an incident in January when I was drunk and had a mental breakdown (it was a long time coming) but eventually calmed down and said all I wanted to do was sleep. I got admitted to the hospital after Cait called the cops, then got discharged.
Since the hospitalization and the sickness, I’ve been verbally apologizing nonstop. I also buy cookies when we all hang out, I don’t ask them to pay me back, I’ve run a few errands, I’ve provided alcohol and a party space, etc. I’ve felt terrible and I insist on apologizing for my mental health as well as the two times I got out of control when drinking. I insist that they don’t help me clean up, but they don’t listen and help me anyways, which I am extremely grateful for and they insist it’s nothing.
For the past two weeks, Cait was being passive-aggressive towards me because we ran into a situation where I was told I couldn’t drink (after not having one in a while), but she was drunk.
After a confrontation and argument, Cait makes rules: I should never come to her and Alice’s room ever again, no matter if I’m drunk or not. She says I abuse alcohol and that she doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore, and she shouldn’t have to justify that. I say she should because I really care and want to be friends and I don’t understand why this is still a huge problem.
My points: I feel bad for the events and I accept they’re my fault. I’ve never asked them to clean up for me. I try to make it up. I feel like I’m being treated like a child. I feel like we should just be straight up and talk about this rather than be petty. I’ve been apologizing and trying to change. I am right for getting angry at being called an alcoholic/etc. Cait isn’t listening to the but just points out petty details and ignoring how upset I am. I don’t feel heard/seen and understood. I propose I’ll work on my drinking and control, I want us all to work on communication, and I want my drinking to stop being policed so I can do it myself.
Cait then says she will never get drunk with me again, she doesn’t need to watch over me (I never asked), she will not let me drink in her/Alice’s room ever, Alice shouldn’t have to take care of me, I can’t come to their room for a week, cookies and favors (in addition to apologies…) mean nothing. She’s been ignoring me since and is still upset. Alice is scared of her, but her and Karen don’t seem to be mad at me. I’m talking with Karen tomorrow.
Am I the asshole here (compared to Cait,) for thinking these rules are unfair?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
lUX7TBsJ7TuxrIpxU37Lux6S00TjRzbp
|
b4k98h
|
{
"description": "selling my gift card to someone else? twist ending",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for selling my gift card to someone else? Twist ending?
|
Tldr at bottom
So I posted this $1,000 best buy gift card on Craigslist for $800. I got a couple offers offering below this number and a guy offering to pay me $750 to deliver it to him, saying the $50 less offer + delivery was to insure he didn't have to wait on some random buyer. (Logic, right?)
Then one guy offers my $800, asking to do a 3-way call with the automated service so he may hear the balance on my card. I thought that was weird so I didn't reply. He texts again, and I text back so I don't seem like a scammer saying someone offered me $900.
The guy then offered my $950 (*little bit of a red flag*) I tell him I sold it and I'm sorry. He proceeds to tell me how lame it was of me to sell the card to someone else when he was willing to offer $50 less of the cards value. At that point I'm glad I sold it for this guy's sake, that's just not a good deal.
I again tell him I'm sorry and that It was a dick move to sell it to someone else. He pointlessly replied "you need to learn how to handle your business better, kiddo". It was a Craigslist ad.
However there another layer to this event! I didn't have a $1,000 gift card. Wait, don't call me the asshole yet! I posted this ad to test if anyone *would* pay at least $800 for the gift card.
Because I've been trying hard as hell to sell this Microsoft laptop for my mom, worth $1,000, but no one is willing to pay more than $600 for an in shrink wrap item. So.. the plan was to return the laptop to best buy for a gift card, then sell that gift card. That plan crashed and burned.
Tldr: told a guy I sold my gift card elsewhere, dude got butt hurt and called me kiddo, but it didn't matter in the end because the gift card never existed. Until after returned my laptop for it. *I was testing the market ok?*
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
ConnDtrMAs6DNCZI9IhviGgTGOL6VLMa
|
ashpuz
|
{
"description": "not telling someone he's dating a (literal) prostitute",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling someone he’s dating a (literal) prostitute?
|
TL;DR at bottom
Dated a girl in college. Her parents were alcoholic dicks. She was very shy and kind of down on herself. Was jealous toward my female friends, but I chocked it up to insecurities from her home life and (foolishly) assumed they’d tone down in time.
She smoked weed for the first time with me, loved it, and started buying her own much larger supply. Was defensive if I suggested cooling it (like I was a hypocrite for making any distinction of healthy use of an illegal drug).
Things get worse. More neurotic and jealous. She’d be rude to my female friends and later say I was emotionally unfaithful for having any. I just kept reassuring her with growing irritation. There was only so much I could explain away by her insecurities before I was just enabling them.
We broke up. She got into stronger drugs. She was beautiful, though, and at some point heard this from the wrong people. Became an escort on a website to fuel her ever more expensive habit.
Half a year after we broke up, I heard that she was getting friendly with some other guy in my program. My first instinct was to fill him in. She predicted this and called me up to ask that I not share any of it. She’d told him we had dated. Anything else was her own baggage and I had no right to undermine her.
For better or worse, I promised I’d respect her wishes. I barely knew the guy and not exactly a conversation I was chomping at the bit to have. The dude actually came to ME to ask if I was okay with them dating. I just said we hadn’t worked out and wished him well.
Some months pass. It was 9:00 am on a Saturday and I get an unknown call from the new guy. (Didn’t even have his number.) She had broken up with him and said there were things about her past he just wouldn’t accept her for. She spilled the beans and told him to ask me if he didn’t believe her.
I’m fuming. Not at him, but at her custom brand of self-deprecation and warped logic mixed with bad history being used as ammunition to get out of her relationship with him and putting me in the middle of it.
I confirmed it all and explained I didn’t think it was my place to share her personal stuff before. Said I’m sorry and it sucks over and over until he hung up. I was probably the last person he wanted help or sympathy from.
I wonder if I lacked common decency for not giving this guy a heads up. There are health risks involved. I heard from our shared friend that she had hoped to make me jealous and got bored quickly. I made a choice to respect her privacy (and chance to redefine her future) over this dude’s chance at a clearer picture. So, dear reddit, am I the asshole?
TL;DR- Dated a girl and introduced her to weed. She got into it hardcore. We broke up and I learn she got into stronger stuff and became an escort. Someone I knew started to date her and she asks I not reveal what I know. I don’t, only to be asked by the guy to confirm it all when they had a nasty break up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
wvdoLK3ic2NrgsgpF37sqUKDvq48GVmT
|
b905wl
|
{
"description": "not warning a bride",
"pronormative_score": 67,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for not warning a bride?
|
I have an eclectic set of hobbies and monetize them to support myself when applicable. One of my hobbies is party/event/wedding planning. Mostly done by word-of-mouth and it's people who know people, rarely close friends at this point. I have a structure to the agreement process, including a contract that outlines my objectives, responsibilities and most importantly, my compensation.
One day a colleague at my day-job was asking me about prices for wedding planners as she was recently engaged. She asked about prices for anon planners and then added that she would feel more comfortable with someone who knew her personally. She then proceeded to ask me if I would plan her wedding. She is a very last minute person and likes making choices but not coming up with options. She outlined a price and I agreed since we were friends.
This was my first mistake. I was lazy about getting the contract to her since I knew she was fine with it; after all, she set the price. No sticker-shock possible.
I started setting up meetings with different professionals; baker, photographer, dj, etc. Even going to the venues and helping her ask practical questions and such.
At about 1 month in I got the contract to her and she said she would need to review it. Fine.
About a week later she lets me know that her mother thinks the price is ridiculous and that a planner is pointless.
The bride being in her early 30s apparently not making her own decisions yet agreed with her mother and decided that she didn’t want my help.
I was angry to say the least. Before I could inform each of the professionals that I would no longer be handling the wedding my wife had contacted most of them. Professionals each asked if I wanted them to back out, I told them not to as there was no reason they should lose out on a payday. Most telling me that they were no longer giving her my contract price but returning them to standard pricing.
I avoid all conversation about the wedding with the colleague and if she tries to bring it up I change the subject or dismiss myself.
Where the Asshole comes in is that the wedding is less than 2 months out now, and the Baker asked me if the wedding was still on. I told her it was and then the Baker informed me that the bride had not submitted the order for the cakes/cupcakes yet and that she's nearing a point where it's too close to the wedding to place a large order.
I wondered if the bride had gone a different direction but today she brought up the Baker and the wedding cake and was mentioning the dessert but clearly did not have a clue she is nearing the deadline.
AITA for not telling her nothing has been ordered and that she's probably not going to have a wedding cake at her reception?
TL;DR She hasn't ordered her wedding cake yet and is almost too late to do so and I know this, she does not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
5CZwuEY6aJ8Q33jMWCnSBwmx7FjCWXtR
|
a5ooq5
|
{
"description": "using my phone in backmost corner of a cinema",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for using my phone in backmost corner of a cinema
|
Went to a movie solo to kill time. Sat in backmost corner, nearest guy is 3 seats away. Pull out phone to play some runescape cuz attention span the size of a nematoad. Lowest brightness setting, tell an ingame friend im in a theatre and he thinks im an asshole regardless of seating. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
xLdcmRImWDlMRq1IVqQ2JntI7PjmOJFW
|
axlk45
|
{
"description": "being on my best friend about her grades",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for being on my best friend about her grades?
|
Apologize for the formatting if it doesn’t look right, I’m on mobile.
Anyway, my best friend and I are in the same grade, and we’re at that point in our lives where we need to seriously consider college and future plans. My best friend is VERY smart. She’s in the same classes I’m in, and they’re mostly all honors/AP classes (putting that in for context so you know I understand her class material).
But she’s lazy. She doesn’t try. She used to be a straight A student and now she has two Ds and a C. Me and her parents know she can do better, she just doesn’t try. I know she doesn’t because she always jokes about how she doesn’t study. Instead of taking ten minutes to look over notes, she plays video games (Nothing wrong with playing video games, I play them too).
Yesterday I caught her doing her homework that was due next period with five minutes left of lunch. I said
“______ why didn’t you do that at home or during study period?”
She says
“Really, OP? How is your love life going?”
And it really hurt me because she knows I hate when she says stuff like that, because my love situation is not the greatest right now (issues with a person that is super important to me)
And it made me think that maybe me being on her for her grades is making her mad. I just know she can do better and I want her to do her best so she doesn’t settle for anything less than what she deserves.
I admit I do talk to her about it around friends, but my other friends are on her about it too.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
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}
|
WRONG
|
aQto7rjuq1AMdZaaWfQTu3tGqoC3UTFG
|
as4lly
|
{
"description": "pretending to share a girls political views so we can keep sleeping together",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA For pretending to share a girls political views so we can keep sleeping together?
|
Before you ask this isnt like my gf of 5 years. This is a FWB ive known for 3 weeks. We met on Bumble.
She is completely opposite of me politically, but she is also sexy af and its probably some of the best sex ive ever had. (Ive only had two girls before but thats beside the point)
Shes an "activist" type who is very much into the political scene so I pretend to agree with her as she straight up despises people on my side and would probably have ghosted me after i admitted it.
Im pretty good at understanding the other sides logic so I have convinced her we're like political allies in addition to being fuck buddies.
My sister who knows me has noticed that ive deleted a bunch of mild political stuff off twitter and I admitted that Im pretending to get with a girl. She says i should just be honest even though we might break up. My pov is that FWB arent that serious and as long as she enjoys the sex whats the issue?
AITA.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
WRONG
|
UiG0oNpmIwNLuOMNa7J0HPnvkITESe2b
|
b8m3yb
|
{
"description": "thinking a divorce announcement due to an affair was an April fools joke",
"pronormative_score": 612,
"contranormative_score": 189
}
|
AITA for thinking a divorce announcement due to an affair was an April fools joke?
|
Let me preface this off by blaming all of you, the entirety of reddit for desensitizing me, and giving me major trust issues on April fools day.
So here it goes... Yesterday I got a group text from my wifes (sarah) side of the family stating there was an emergency family meeting happening that night over dinner at my mother in laws (Barb) house.
I immediately had april fools spidey senses starting to tingle, but we haven't all got together since Christmas birthday so I overlooked it and said we (my wife and I ) were in.
We were the last to arrive and it was pretty somber when we walked in. We all sat down at the table and my wifes brother (Tim) informed the family that his wife (Ashley) has been having an affair and they are divorcing. The affair was with a long time close family friend (Chris) who lived a block away.
Chris' wife (jen) had caught them when she came home early one day last week and broke the news to my brother in law Tim.
Both families have been friends for years. They live less than a block from each other, they each have been married for 15+ years, have 4 kids right around the same age. Honestly, I have always thought both of them were picture perfect families. Hell, all four of them and their kids were at our house two weeks ago for a bbq.
Anyways after airing a lot of dirty laundry, and their plans to divorce, how it could effect future family functions, and opening it up to the group of any questions... there was silence.
I broke the silence with laughter and a slow clap. Saying this was the best april fools gag I've ever seen but I wasn't falling for it. I told Ashley and especially Tim they need to consider going into theater, their performances were top notch and tears seemed genuine.
Being the newest member of the family (my wife and I married 6 months ago) this was probably not the best thing to say in hindsight. I probably should not have said anything.
Everyone in the room looked horrified.
My mother in law, who had been crying the entire time, lost all composure. She left the room in hysterics and did not return before we left.
Tim, just shook his head, and his cheating wife actually let out a brief chuckle before calling me out for being a dumbass for thinking this was a ruse. Then berating me for being so insensitive.
The rest of the family sat in silence shaking their heads as my wife berated me for trying to make a joke out of a serious situation...
I am still dumbfounded. In hindsight, I probably should have sat in silence... but I honestly still feel like I was calling out an april fools gag.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 328,
"EVERYBODY": 21,
"NOBODY": 284,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bRKbE3pf2ynCsWnDat1fioqa53CjxAQN
|
apttjh
|
{
"description": "missing a practice because of an injury",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for missing a practice because of an injury?
|
I have multiple pulled muscles in my shoulder, and as such I decided not to go to dance practice, which is very shoulder intensive. I informed the coach ahead of time that I wasn't going to be there, all good right?
About half an hour later my parents come home, and ask me why I'm not at practice. I explain to them that it's because I'm injured, something they have known about for a while. They immediately proceed to start a shouting match with me about how I should still show up, despite not being able to participate at all.
So, am I the asshole for missing practice due to an injury that prevented me from being able to participate in said practice.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
rsRWfUwPSJ9mqe2sHluTLxSOyd78zpBz
|
b63vw4
|
{
"description": "reporting Facebook friends when they change their profile to a fake name",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for reporting Facebook friends when they change their profile to a fake name?
|
It’s kind of annoying when I see posts from some random name I’ve never heard of in my feed. Sometimes I’ll look in to it and waste time checking their profile picture or previous posts to figure out who it is.
Fake names are against the terms of service and it annoyed me so I reported their profile. I’ve had a few people who seem to change their name every couple months and I try reporting it when I notice, but Facebook never does anything as far as I can tell. They’re not getting banned and I feel slightly satisfied for reporting, does that make be an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
WRONG
|
NrukuS8PaC153rNTcbI64UwEYADahNyy
|
atq8pn
|
{
"description": "not wanting to live with my roommate next year",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to live with my roommate next year?
|
A bit of background information for context:
My (23F) roommate, lets call him Josh (22M) is insistent that we live together next year. However, I have a few issues with this.
He’s a nice guy, nothing wrong with him. However, he’s made me feel extremely uncomfortable at various points in the last year before we lived together and even whilst we’ve lived together.
So, before we moved in, Josh lived with my boyfriend for a bit, and egged on by two of their friends, made a move on me despite knowing full well that I was still with my boyfriend. He put his arm around me and pushed his crotch into my side and got *very* close to me, and I stated that I was hella uncomfortable with that, after which he apologised.
Fast forward to living with Josh now, and there’s been times where he’ll come into my room uninvited and lie on my bed next to me, shifting so that his head is on my shoulder and watching whatever I’m doing on my phone, occasionally still doing the crotch thing. I told him again that I wasn’t comfortable with it and I would much prefer it if he knocked, after a good few weeks he got the message.
And now, any time we spend together he’ll have to cover his crotch for... reasons, I assume. Idk what to do. He’s not great with girls and I’m really not sure how I can help him, or if the issues will escalate if we continue living together.
So, AITA?
P.S. any advice would be much appreciated, especially if I’m the asshole. Thank you.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
mw81as1no8EMMfQdHHoXZ0iQZ992RM33
|
a3amtf
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed at my friend for leaving me and my friend group for his girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed at my friend for leaving me and my friend group for his girlfriend?
|
This isn’t the first time he’s done this, in Summer he got with another girl and also fucked us over, he got hella depressed during this period but we were still there for him and supportive with everything. He ended the relationship and everything became normal. Recently, he got with another girl, and totally disconnected himself from us again. This includes: cancelling plans with us, purposely ignoring us, and moving away from us in classes. No, he didn’t even tell us that he was dating her, we found out because we saw him and this girl at an event that we invited him to, and he declined. Yes, we have talked to him about it, we told him that he should try to get a balance between her and us, and he agreed. This agreement didn’t last long, as he still denied every request to meet up. Me and my friends want to talk to him again but we don’t wanna seem like dicks. Are we the assholes? Or is this completely fine and we’re just overreacting?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ayt9e4
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{
"description": "despising my dad for claiming my depression is just an excuse",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For despising my dad for claiming my depression is just an excuse?
|
Some background: i have been putting up with severe social anxiety and depression for the past 5 years, it was specifically risen from my poor relations with people in my first years of school, where i was disliked and cast out by most people for what seemed like no specific reason.
For context, my depression recently got so bad, specifically in November to December last year, i refused to get out of bed, actively avoided my friend (i only have one) and family, and began having constant thoughts that everyone would be better off if i just disappeared.
Only recently did i tell my mother, and she is unapproving of my anger to my father. I had gone to the doctor for help, and was told to delay ny college enrollment for at least 30 days. This made my dad pissed. He started yelling at me, telling me that all i ever do is take and never give, that i am ungrateful, and that i have no reason to be depressed. He specifically said, and i quote: "You're just pulling the depression card to get your way."
I am currently seeing a therapist, and i am on medication,and my dad thinks i shouldn't be doing either, but cant legally stop me.
TL;DR: father assumes fake depression, and that i have no reason to feel the way i do after 5 years of struggling.
So am i the asshole for despising him?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
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atcfa9
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{
"description": "cutting a friend whose life sucks right now out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I cut a friend whose life sucks right now out of my life?
|
This is a bit of a long and convoluted story, but essentially, I'm friends with a girl whose life sucks right now. Her little sister is suicidal, her parents are retirement age but broke, and she's deep in debt at a college she hates. We've been pretty good friends for two years now.
Over the past 6 months or so, though, she's changed. She's started making fun of me for everything. I think she's lashing out in anger at her life and taking it out on me because I'm a chill guy and I'll take it. But she's taken it way too far in certain circumstances, like making light of how my grandparents fled from Eastern Europe to the US to escape the USSR. She also won't let me talk about anything I'm interested without telling me how much of a nerd I am. She won't let me finish talking before she cuts me off, laughing, at how much of a nerd I am. When I try and ask her not to talk about those situations, or to not cut me off, she projects everything back onto me, saying I make way more fun of her and she's just defending herself. She takes over every conversation, talking about the stuff she likes, or talking about the emotional problems she's having right now. I've shrugged it off up to this point because she was, up until this point, pretty fun to hang out with, and I know her life is rough. I don't mind her teasing for the most part, and I know she's having a rough time of it right now and therefore not going to be fun and excited all the time. Up until yesterday, I figured it was my job to be a good friend and be there for her.
But it all came to a head last night. She was hanging out in my room and I turned some music on, and she immediately started whining because I was playing some of my music. She mocked it and said it was trash; I brushed it off like always. But then, she told me she had something for me: she gave me a poster of the flag of my grandparents' home country while it was occupied by the USSR, and made a joke about sending me to the gulag. I asked her to stop joking about that because it's not funny, my grandparents could have died, and she again said that I tease her for all sorts of stuff, she's just defending herself. I told her she won't let me play my own music in my room, she won't let me like stuff because it's nerdy, and she's making light of everything my grandparents and family went through. She stormed off and has been giving me the cold shoulder all day. Honestly, I'm sick of being treated like a therapist whose job is to sit there, take all her crap, and not have any interests at all because they're "nerdy". I get that she's going through a hell of a lot, but I'm done.
TLDR, friend of two years gets increasingly rude and touchy to me in particular, but I think it's related to personal issues.
​
WIBTA if I stopped being her friend?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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asn75z
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{
"description": "not allowing my daughter to have an extreme makeover",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not allowing my daughter to have an extreme makeover.
|
My daughter is 16. I do love her very much but I think what she's asking is weird.
I dont know what came over my daughter but she told me that she wanted to change her look for her boyfriend. She wants to get a Chelsea cut and a septum ring. She asked me for my permission and I declined. She thinks it's unfair of me to do so. I think that her bf is being unfair to ask something like this. What about school? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
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|
9vsv6e
|
{
"description": "telling my coworker about his snarky comments to someone else",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my coworker about his snarky comments to someone else?
|
Background context to start with: Our work is 24/7, there's a lot of downtime so we get to browse youtube/reddit etc when there isn't any work to do. We try not to *overdo* the amount of internetting we do, but sometimes it's hard. There are different sections, we're one of the best and we always take over from the same section who aren't quite as good, we're a lot more efficient and better at our jobs than them but we try not let it get to us.
Anyway, when the supervisor of the other section was leaving he saw I had youtube up and basically said that I shouldn't be using it too much. My coworker (CW) said something like, "don't tell us what to do when your section is even worse when it comes to internet use" something kinda passive-aggressive like I can't remember exactly and in my opinion, it was calling him out unnecessarily. The supervisor said he knew and would be speaking to his team about it tomorrow.
This was a few days ago, fast forward to today and CW comes to my desk and mentions the previous supervisor's comments. I started off by saying that that probably wasn't the best way to handle it and giving a snarky response to him wasn't helpful with interpersonal relationships. He said that he doesn't have an interpersonal relationship with him (he resents so many people he works with), after a bit of back and forth he said that he wasn't going to bother telling me that thing he came over to tell me (pertaining to internet use) and that that will be the last time he stands up for me.
From my perspective I was just criticising the way he talked down to the other supervisor, and suggested there were better ways for him to have mentioned it. I get this other supervisor is not as competent as others but I feel that his comments were not going to help the situation in any way, so I told him so. He then proceeded to be, what I felt, was a very childish response (coming from a guy who's like 5 years older than I am) and didn't say a word to me for the rest of the day.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
ayvt4u
|
{
"description": "not holding back during co-op games",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not holding back during co-op games?
|
So this is definitely way tamer than a lot of the posts on this sub, but whatever.
For context, I'm in my 20s and my main gaming buddy is like 15 years older. I'm in a casual relationship with no kids, whereas he's married with young kids, so I naturally have much more free time than he does and generally end up advancing in mutually owned video games faster than he does.
Lately my buddy is getting super passive-aggressive with me in his comments and sometimes started rage-quitting from our games and claiming his Xbox malfunctioned.
From his comments, it's seems he doesn't like it when I unlock things in the games faster than him, or kill enemies that he wanted to kill, or score more points than him, or generally outdo him at anything in games, which is fairly common because I have much more time to play than he does so I will usually progress faster.
Lately I even started intentionally holding back periodically to wait for him and he still gets upset any time I complete any objective instead of just waiting patiently for him to come and pick up the loot or kill the boss or do whatever else the objective was after I've cleared the path and done all the heavy lifting for him, which obviously isn't fun for me.
If this behaviour were coming from anyone else I'd just call them out on it. But for extra context I'd add that he's been dealing with depression lately. He's in therapy and taking medication and without getting too deep into his personal business he is genuinely having a tough time psychologically and has confided in me already about how much he values our gaming time as a coping mechanism.
So it's like on the one hand I want to sculpt the gaming sessions to be as cathartic as possible for him, just to be supportive.
But on the other hand, gaming sessions in this format where I cheer him on and he practically plays solo until I'm allowed to help him out once he gets overwhelmed is a chore to me. It's like playing with a child instead of an adult.
How should I even proceed here? This isn't a usual conversation that healthy adult friends should need to have? I feel that a direct confrontation might be unadvisable as a lot of his depression is stemming from conflicts where other people accused him of selfish behaviour, so I don't really want to pile in on top of that and possibly drive him further into a negative spiral.
If this is one of his few only outlets for stress and a coping mechanism for self esteem or whatever they I'd like to be supportive, but I'm also cautious about enabling negative behaviour and of course I would also prefer a solution that doesn't turn our games into a negative experience for me.
Has anyone been in a similar position from the opposite perspective here?
Keen for feedback on how to deal with this, preferably subtly.
Thanks!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
YBKh5l6X8XfgHcmBT3z4AK4w2tOP8h7T
|
9vuwub
|
{
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to continue talking to her ex boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to continue talking to her ex boyfriend?
|
Hello everyone. I would really appreciate some insight and I will do my best to describe the situation and be as brief as possible.
​
My girlfriend and I started dating about a year ago, and when we started dating her main ex boyfriend of four years re-entered the picture and started texting her. At that point they had been broken up for over a year. He was 10 years older than her, and at one point she thought he was the one. He dumped her because his heart was not into it, and she told me many things about the guy that made him sound kind of like an emotionally unavailable and troubled individual. Let me clarify this.
​
She told me he didn't really want sex much, she did. He wasn't very affectionate, she wanted that. He barely said he loved her, she complained. He didn't want to travel and do things with her, she did. So when we met, in my head I was like "holy shit, this is the complete opposite of me, I'm all the things she wants, this will be great!" Well in time, resentment grew because she couldn't reciprocate, and also still responded to this guy, and STILL does our entire relationship.
​
Our entire relationship he has been in touch with her. It's very platonic, but he is obviously still madly in love with her because a few times he has asked her to see him, has admitted he made a mistake, and misses her, etc. She never reciprocates, but still allows him to talk to her. She said she feels bad, but I feel he is just a pest and I'm in a love triangle. I have asked her to cut contact with him because it makes me feel really uncomfortable, and I truly feel he can't move on with her responding. She even reached out for his advice on voting day, saying he was the only person she trusted with politics. I thought that was inappropriate, because in my eyes that would give him some confidence that he is still valuable, but who knows.
​
She thinks I'm being insecure, I think it sucks she can't let go of someone who was apparently such an asshole to her, and ironically can't reciprocate all the things I give her when she told me she wants it. It's very confusing. On top of this, she responds to RANDOM strangers on IG who message her, nothing inappropriate from her side, but I tell her to ignore them... it's weird. Why does she need to do so? I can't help but think it's all attention seeking behavior.
​
Keep in mind we are in our early 30's, so this behavior is mind blowing at this point. This came to a head and we have broken up over it, because I can't handle the random dudes in her life and her ex, and she says she can't let go of him. So this led to us breaking up in a messy way.
​
So, am I the asshole for asking these things? Am I am "insecure piece of shit" as she put it? Thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
OwR8Haucs5MWDXFB5lqS5im6hf3P196o
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a7syuf
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be around my bfs family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be around my bfs family
|
I love my boyfriend and soon we are moving in together in the same town where his family lives (mom, dad, stepmom, step siblings, ect.). My boyfriend is hardly anything like anyone in his family (which I'm thankful for).
Everyone in his family is a racist Trump loving gun slinging animal Hunter kinda person and I have never liked people like that for pretty obvious reason. My family is nothing like his. Even my boyfriend sometimes hates them but then they are nice to him and he lets it all slide. One night we were hanging out with them playing a fibbage game and one of his step Brothers literally wrote in the N word for every answer because he thought it was the funniest thing in the world. That was basically my last straw of never wanting to talk to these people again. They are small town people that are obsessed with drama and talk shit about everyone they know.
Like I said we are moving into a house we are renting soon and I'm already worried about having to see his family too much or having them try to come over to our house. My boyfriend has told me many times about how badly they treat him sometimes and how much he dislikes them but then someone does something nice for him and it's like he forgets it all. I'm just not like that.
He wants to throw a house warming party and mentioned inviting the family but I'm really uncomfortable even being around most of them.
AITA for thinking like this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
2hv6pqJFe6YwlHCSgcuwS4wE2O66g31E
|
a1do4a
|
{
"description": "not texting back",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not texting back
|
I organized a weekday get-together. I told the people invited that we will be hanging at my home from 6:30-9:30 p.m. Then I would like everyone to be responsible (read: sober) and out of my house by 9:30 p.m. as I adhere to a strict bedtime! I have a very close friend, we’ll call her Katy. She is a homebody and suffers from chronic pain due to a head injury. This makes planning with her understandably difficult. She seemed receptive to coming to my place when I invited her. I gave her the details, and she told me she cannot commit until the night of as she does not know how much head pain she’ll be in after work.
​
The evening of, at around 7 p.m. all of my buddies, barring Katy, had arrived. We were pouring cocktails when I sent her a message asking her if she’s coming down. She sent one back expressing her annoyance with me bugging her all day about it, and now that she is home from work she wants to take a shower and eat dinner before assessing if she feels like coming over. I realized I was neurotic, I put my phone down on the table, and started engaging with my buddies. I got buzzed and really involved with my guests. I didn’t think to check my phone until around 8:30 pm.-ish. Katy had sent me a text at 7:45 saying she had showered, but wouldn’t get there until 8:30. She asked me if it would be dumb for her to show up at 8:30 unless we had decided to keep hanging past 9:30 p.m. The second text from her came right around 8:30 saying she was frustrated to not hear from me and “bummed that I disappeared.” I texted her that I was sorry and that I put my phone down once everyone had come over.
​
Before I share her side and the subsequent heated discussion we had, I’ll say that to me I was annoyed she wanted me to be on call. I wanted to disconnect and be with my friends who had showed up. I did just that and I forgot about my phone. I felt that if she wanted to come she would have. She knew, 6:30-9:30 p.m. I said sorry, finished my night, and went to bed that thinking nothing of the situation.
​
She didn’t respond to my text and.... we didn’t talk for 5 days. This is uncharacteristic. We communicate semi-daily. I got anxious after day 2 which I’m sure didn’t help. Eventually on day 5 I reached out... and by reached out I immaturely asked her “Am I getting the silent treatment?” I totally pissed her off. I apologized. I then began asking her what was going on. She told me I can be a shitty friend sometimes. She felt I had forgotten about her that night. Once I finally got to the meat of it she told me that she couldn’t relate to someone who wouldn’t apologize for upsetting their friend then going 5 days without reaching out and further hurting them. On top of that, me breaking the ice with “am I getting the silent treatment” in her view, was me making it about myself. She told me that this kind of behavior especially over the past 5 days had made her “really evaluate the friendship”
​
I feel a mix of guilt and anger. This statement came as a blow to me. I wish to give some reasoning behind what I feel prompted that. To be frank, I struggle with some mental illness. I realize this is not to excuse ass-holery. During this school semester I have been inconsistent with my emotional and physical availability to those who care about me. These plans falling through could have really set her off. This isn’t some deep secret though, she knows intimately well my progress/struggles I’ve made with medication/mental hygiene. Hence things like the strict 9:30 cutoff time for my hangout. This leads me to the end of our texts. I got raw and explained the state I’ve been balancing this semester. I hoped that could help better apologize/explain why my inconsistency may have led her to feel this way about our friendship. She only said “interesting.” I said that felt calloused. She told me I should seek professional help.
​
​
It’s been a few weeks and she’s trying to talk to me like nothing happened. I may be overthinking this. I need some objectivity on my actions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
awje3n
|
{
"description": "not offering to host a baby shower at work for my closest co-worker",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not offering to host a baby shower at work for my closest co-worker?
|
I’ve worked with this woman for over 2 years. She’s my closest friend at work, but outside of work we have only hung out a handful of times. It’s her first baby; due in July. She’s VERY self-centered and I feel sometimes it’s an elephant in the room that I haven’t yet offered to host a baby shower for her and invite our other colleagues. My inclination is to just not bring it up, but I’m also afraid it might affect our work relationship as she might be upset/offended if I don’t offer...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
8EHR8XCw3apO40zjp80cc5NhQPO0SJN7
|
al7w0z
|
{
"description": "uncaming out to my mom",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I uncame out to my mom
|
I came out to my mom as a boy (after feeling this way for a year.) She said she's supportive but doesn't really show it (doesn't use right pronouns, constantly says she thinks I'm not trans because every girl goes through a phase of being trans, she doesn't let me bind, etc.) So one day she said the thing she's been saying everyday since I came out "[Deadname] I really don't think you're a boy. I mean I went through the same phase for a few months." and I responded "I really don't think it's a phase." Well then I asked my therapist how to tell my mom to stop talking about me being trans and treat her like her normal son. Well she gave me a paper on how to be more assertive and while my mom and my therapist were talking my mom kind of understood what I wanted her to stop talking about and I kind of got a bit anxious because I thought my mom knew but I didn't know until I got in the car and she said "FINE. I'll stop talking about it." well that was a lie, because she still talks about it EVERYDAY. It makes me feel bad when she says these things. And one day I told her "I don't WANT to be trans. It seems too hard" and she said "Then you're probably not trans" and I started thinking "what person WANTS to be trans with gender dysphoria and having to spend thousands of dollars to be the gender I need to be. Would I be an asshole if I uncame out to her and waited until I'm 18 to transition?
Tl;DR my mom says she accepts me as a trans person but her actions tells me she hates the fact that I'm trans. Would I be an asshole if I uncame out to her and transitioned at 18
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
tQz2eMhx7YxuyvQVm5idORX0LbNXcd5p
|
arq9yz
|
{
"description": "throwing my brother into the snowbank while he was asleep",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for throwing my brother into the snowbank while he was asleep?
|
B = Brother M = Me
Backstory.
B (Who is 9, almost 10 years old) (I'm 18) is always rummaging through my room looking for money or candy (which I frequently hide in my room to keep him away from it) Sometimes he shoots me with nerf guns but when I do it, he goes crying to our mother who tells me off and says nothing to him. Most of the time he's also slapping or hitting me while I'm playing video games. So recently (after my birthday) I told him that he could either quit it or be woken up by being tossed in the snow every day to wake him up. (He didn't quit cause he didn't think I would do it) so I threw him in the snow for the first time this morning and he is now screaming and crying that I ruined his day. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nmbWnSieznVauEMeHQepp8Y5Ju972Qtc
|
awpl8j
|
{
"description": "asking a girl to meet me somewhere then standing her up",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for asking a girl to meet me somewhere then standing her up?
|
This happened back in high school (90s). I never thought I was in the wrong, but I was reminded of it the other day, so I'm here to accept my judgement from the community.
I had been dating my girlfriend at the time for around a month or so. One night, while on the phone with her, she mentioned that she was going to hang out with a guy friend of hers, and I didn't really think anything of it. The next day at school, during lunch, she admitted that she cheated on me the night before. I'm probably the least jealous person there is, and I never really had a problem finding dates (not bragging - I was no Jonathan Taylor Thomas), so I told her I didn't want to be together anymore. No hard feelings. There were plenty of girls I would cry over while listening to Glycerine by Bush, she just wasn't one of them.
The next night she called me like normal, we talked about school, I was a little perplexed, but whatever. She let me know she wanted to keep dating, but that I would have to "make it up to her." I was blown away, but honestly interested in understanding what she meant. She said I could fill her locker with flowers, write her a poem and post it on Geocities, you know, a grand gesture. I told her I needed to think, and ended the conversation.
The next couple days I tried ducking her, but she'd pop up out of nowhere wondering if I'd figured out how I was going to "win her back." Finally, I had a smartass idea: I told her to wait by locker after a specific class of hers and "I'll show you how much you mean to me." I didn't show up. She found me later, and was none too pleased.
Her: I waited for you and you didn't show up.
Me: Well yeah, to show you how much you mean to me.
Her: But you never came.
Me: Exactly, you mean nothing to me.
Once the realization hit her, she started kind of silently crying, called me a dick, and walked away. I was smugly satisfied with myself, and I didn't see her again until things blew up randomly months later.
AITA here? While I always felt her betrayal and her weird mind game warranted some kind of "no uncertain terms" response, I now wonder if what I did was cruel, because it hurt her more (a lot) than she hurt me (almost none).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
DxATpmiUnChlNomYgddHS8UrjCgSjx65
|
9xxpis
|
{
"description": "telling my best friends girlfriend that he messages random girls",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA if I tell my best friends girlfriend that he messages random girls
|
One of my best friends messages random girls behind his girlfriends back. He probably won’t forgive me but it seems like the right thing to do
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
afmix7
|
{
"description": "being at a friend who owes me money",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being at a friend who owes me money?
|
A bit of backstory here is needed.
A few months ago a friend and I made our curriculum vitae together and we went to a shop to take the photo, he didn’t have enough money and asked me to pay part of it and he would gave it back so I payed for the photo and we went on. Time passed and I did not want to seem rude or something so I haven’t said a word about the money, this was roughly 4€ and as time went on I decided not to give the matter a lot of time so I just moved on.
Now, last week he asked me again If I could lend him 5€ for a paysafecard ticket for a game and although I had some doubts I agreed to do so, again he said he would give it back. Again, that same night he told people how thankful he was for a friend buying him a skin on a game and all that. He was talking about other friend. This pissed me off for sure, again I decided to just let things go by and wait to see if he would give me the money. The next we meet up he said he had the money but no exchange for it so he was not able to give it to me. I was like “It’s ok, don’t worry, next time.” This went going for several days and still I didn’t say a word about it.
I must say that his financial status is a lot higher than mine, and also bugged me the fact that he could ask for change ANYWHERE. Right now I just think that he does not want to give me the money back.
I also start to think that I was just dumb for agreeing to this guy.
TL;DR: A friend asked me for money two times and said that he would pay me back but he either does not say a word about it or he just puts up excuses like “Sorry I don’t have change so I can’t give it to you now” even if he had places available right where he was for change.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ajc3bo
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{
"description": "not telling someone to quit hitting on my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling someone to quit hitting on my girlfriend?
|
A little context, I (F) work in retail. My gf worked here as well for awhile, but has since left the company.
One of our repeat customers has asked repeatedly about my girlfriend, where she works, can I get a message to her etc. While she worked here, he hit on her pretty hard, to the point that she would always find a urgent task in the back anytime he came just to avoid him.
When he asks me about her I state our usual company policy that I can’t discuss her personal information with anyone. He pressed and hilariously said the were ‘talking’ and lost touch. (I know this to be false, the man is 30 years her senior and more directly... a man.)
He has continued to ask my coworkers about her, as well as other locations in the area. (Transferring from store to store is common and my position sometimes requires me to be outside my home store, so I hear this from others I know.) The last time I spoke to him I was less than polite when I told him if she wasn’t contacting him, he should probably take this as a sign she wasn’t interested.
Now to my dilemma. I shared this information with my girlfriend, hoping to make her laugh a little. She became a little upset, saying I should have told him we were dating, or at the very least he didn’t have a shot since she’s gay.
I’ve always been of the mindset that it’s not my place to disclose anyone else’s sexuality. I feel it can be an incredibly private thing, and in such a small rural town deep in the Bible Belt it could be dangerous. Also, in this particular situation we have had problems with stalkerish creepy guys so we are understandably tight lipped about others information.
We have since resolved it and came to the compromise that I will tell him I delivered his message, and if he presses I’ll tell him she isn’t interested in making new friends.
We still disagree on the matter, so I wonder, was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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j4JiKm8rNLhS5Y0oc5iM34dzg5x6Z8rH
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b6d3ux
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{
"description": "not letting my friend know she's lying",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my friend know she’s lying
|
So my friend who we will call S told me something about herself that only like 5 people know other than means she says it’s not lying if she’s just letting them just assume false information. Am I in the wrong for not telling her that that is a form of lying?
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HISTORICAL
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INFO
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RIGHT
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aqthu8
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{
"description": "not going with my boyfriend to a funeral",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going with my boyfriend to a funeral?
|
A distant friend of my boyfriend passed away. The funeral is Monday. Background I have depression and the last two funerals sent me into a pretty severe episodes. I didn’t personally ever meet this friend. He also is going with his grandparents so he won’t be alone. I’ve been supportive and caring and I want to go but I also know that funerals are a serious trigger for me. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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a6vbnh
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{
"description": "not wanting to go to the gym with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for NOT wanting to go to the gym with my friends?
|
To begin with, I am a student who also works part-time and is really into sports and nutrition and regularly goes to the gym. Because of my busy schedule I try to keep my workouts no longer than an hour. I found the upper/lower body split to be a perfect fit but that’s another topic.
I encouraged a few friends of mine to be more aware of their health and at least begin exercising if not eating properly (one quick note, we pursue a Computer Science degree which means we spend most of our time sitting on a desk). They listened to me and paid for a gym membership. I did a few workouts with them and in the beginning it was exciting to have a buddy to go to the gym with and chat with them during rest periods. However, I noticed that my 1 hour workouts eventually turned to an hour and a half because I got distracted chatting and my rest periods became longer. I fixed this quickly but then as I am more experienced than my friends, whenever they had any questions or needed help they turned to me. We are friends and I did not mind. Furthermore, I am more than happy to help others become fitter but then this had an impact on my already busy schedule. I was not able to complete my workouts in 1 hour again. Currently, I feel like other stuff are of higher priority and cannot afford to waste time. This reduced my productivity levels and eventually I got frustrated with going to the gym with my friends. So I continued working out without them and we barely meet in the gym.
I never spoke to them about this but I want to note that I am going to share how I feel about it after the holidays as everybody left now.
Right now, I feel like an asshole instead of a friend and would like to hear what you think?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b6a0vj
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{
"description": "wanting my gf to not sleep with other men while studying abroad",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my GF to not sleep with other men while studying abroad?
|
My GF is planning on traveling overseas to get her masters’ degree, currently we live together. She has been to the country before and wants to take her masters there due to the program available and opportunity to see other places. I was sad that she was going to be leaving me for a year, but I was thinking about visiting at some point. Then She let me know that she wants to experiment with other people while there because she has not been with anyone else before me, and sees it as a good opportunity to gain experience. I have had other sexual partners in the past, but never been with anyone for as long as I have been with her, we’ve been together for three years. I am upset and distraught thinking that she will be sleeping with other people while overseas. AITA? It’s not like I’m not curious about other women, but I haven’t ever cheated on her nor would I want to. Now I don’t know what I will do during this year apart and I don’t know if our relationship will last. WIBTA asking her not to go? I feel like it's not right to keep her from living her life, but I feel like it's unfair to me. Is She the asshole, or am I?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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UJid28nyBZTaZvDqe7YR44wkGtJxHpo8
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a27zks
|
{
"description": "encouraging someone I messed around with once to leave their abusive partner",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for encouraging someone I messed around with once to leave their abusive partner?
|
I (female) don't know if it matters but the someone is my male boss. This makes me worry IATA even more because of boundary issues inherent to the relationship.
​
Last March I went out for drinks with colleagues and managers to celebrate a software release. My boss and I have always had an attraction to one another and truly incidentally found ourselves alone after everyone else bounced. We paid cash while everyone else had cards. The wait for change took so long they brought us two more rounds on the house. This ultimately resulted in sloppy drunken messing around (not even sex). We mention it once with whoops and have never breathed a word of it since.
​
We had always been a bit more involved in one another's personal business than a boss and subordinate should be. That's continued because, hey, we've left that one night in the past where it belonged.
​
Move to now. Part of his side of over share has been centered around his tumultuous on again off again relationship with the mother of his child. She struggles with mental illness and is truly abusive, as in verified by court records taken to jail multiple times for assaulting him. He's shown up to work with huge bruises, scratches, and looks positively wrecked.
​
Seeing this I have offered both support and pressure to leave. I've said things like this is hard to watch, offered a place to stay with the kid, and followed online guides on how to best help someone in a DV relationship. That said, what I am doing seems a little female white-knightish in my own thoughts at times. This bugs me.
​
I worry that IATA because a. it isn't my place b. we messed around and c. the attraction is still obviously there on both ends, evidenced by things that aren't relevant here. Am I?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aqfp7d
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{
"description": "being rude to my waiter",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For being rude to my waiter?
|
So me and a few friends were going to a TGI Friday's a few months back and me and my girlfriend arrived late and we sat down at our table and our waiter shortly came and asked us what we'd like to drink, we both said "can we have water" and our waiter says "I dont know can you?" And I look around at our table like wtf? And then someone at our table goes "mayyyy you" and so I was like what the hell? May I? And he goes two glasses of water from the toilet bowl coming right up! So I was like uhm okay weird, so he brings out our water and we ask if we can get an order of mozzarella sticks, and AGAIN our waiter goes "can you?" and at this point I'm getting a little pissed off and my girlfriend is getting irritated as well, I guess I should mention we are a young group the youngest being 17 and oldest being 21 so I feel like there is no way this waiter would be correcting an older group so I'm a little annoyed at this point and for the rest of the meal was kind've blunt and rude to him. In fact at one point he asked us what we were doing on the Friday night and we told him we're heading to a play a soccer game after this and after he goes on for a few minutes telling us how he used to play soccer for years and at the end of his story I bluntly said "didnt ask" LOL. I usually ALWAYS tip over 20% but this is the first time I've really not wanted to tip over 20% so I believe I left him something like 10%. Anyways reddit I never treat waitresses/waiters bad but this is the one exception.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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7U0aDWH1AEtgTvZUepRvpgZZL9LqY7Mo
|
an9ya0
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to be a bit nicer while I'm feeling sensative and venerable",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to be a bit nicer while I'm feeling sensative and venerable?
|
That probably sounds a little click-bait ish but I can honestly see either side here. My boyfriend (21m) of 2 years is a very humorous person. He's constantly making jokes and sarcastic comments and I (23f) do so in return. Overall I am a less sensitive person now than I used to be and am thankful to him for that.
Early January I got an IUD put in. The hormones have been messing with me but from what the doctor said I think it should level out in like 6 months. In the meantime, I've been a bit overly sensitive. Some of my boyfriends jokes have been kinda upsetting me. Jokes that wouldn't have been too far before now feel like too much.
Today I made dinner in the crock pot while he was at his first day of his new job. He got home and put a serving in a bowl. I don't know why, but that upset me. It upset me that he used a bowl instead of a plate. I told him that. I said "I have no idea why but I just got upset that you used a bowl instead of a plate." I said it in a joking sort of voice because I thought it was kinda funny and very stupid. He said in a sarcastic sort of tone "you know what I'm upset about?" And in a slightly less sarcastic tone "that you didn't put any seasonings in this." That seemed unnecessarily mean to me, especially since I did season it. I told him I did season it and he rudely said "it doesn't taste like it." I don't remember how I responded but he gave a rude sarcastic sort of appolgiy. "I'm sorry I wasn't as nice about that as you'd like it to be." Yelled and rude. I called him a dick and went to eat in the bedroom.
We reconciled but I asked that he be a bit more sensitive to me while I'm out of Ballance like this. The text I sent said
"That was legitimately hurtful. I know I've been sensitive lately, but maybe that doesn't have to mean that I have to be overly apologetic for how I feel. Maybe it should mean that you be more sensitive to how I'm feeling. We know why I'm like this right now. It's not my fault. It'll probably even out in a few months, but in the mean time can we just work with it instead of ignoring it?"
He replied
"Sure"
This argument isn't the only thing. It's just been jokes and comments that ordinary wouldn't be a problem. We make jokes at each other's expense all the time. But as of the past 3 or 4 weeks (since I got the IUD) a lot normal stuff feels over the top. Jokes about me talking too much, jokes about my breast or butt, jokes about my mental illness (schizoeffective disorder depressive type), even jokes about the cat not liking me as much have been upsetting.
I ignore a lot of it. I push off that I feel upset because I know that it's probably just hormones or I otherwise think I'm being dramatic. I am self aware and I do try to compensate.
It might not just be the hormones. It's been tough lately. We're both switching jobs, my last bit of family is moving out of state soon, we're coming up on the 3rd anniversary of a particularly traumatic sexual assult that always makes this a hard time of year for me.
He's incredibly loving, hugs me when I need it, holds me when I cry, but he isn't very good about cooling it on the potentially hurtful joke/ comments. He even gets a bit defensive from time to time when I try to call him out on stuff.
So, AITA for expecting him to change how he talks to me to be more sensitive for this time? Or is it a reasonable request seeing as it's a change from how things have always been?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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a0yecr
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed that my friend brings a bunch of people when we hang out",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed that my friend brings a bunch of people when we hang out?
|
So, I (24 YO) have a friend from college whom I see about once a month, maybe a little less because we're both busy with work. She lives and works in a city with a great downtown: lots of restaurants, bars, museums, and nice places to walk. This city is also fairly close to where I live, so whenever we hang out, we end up meeting somewhere in this city after we get out of work. Now, this friend of mine is very extroverted and sociable, so she has *a ton* of friends that all live near her (it's a college town). What's more, she's worked in a number of restaurants and bars in this city, so she knows a ton of the locals.
I, on the other hand, am pretty introverted and have only a few close friends. Now, I don't begrudge this person for having a thriving social life. But whenever we hang out, one of two things happens: We plan to meet at a restaurant, and friend makes no mention of bringing anybody else. Then, when we arrive at the restaurant, friend has two or more other people in tow--sometimes acquaintances of mine, sometimes people I've never met before. OR, if we go to a bar, friend *invariably* sees at least one other person she knows, and we end up joining them.
Again, I'm not upset that my friend has many other friends besides me. That's normal and healthy. However, I really hate it when she agrees to hang out with me and shows up with 10 other people. It changes the dynamic of the situation completely. I want to hang out with my friend to see *her*, not make small talk with a bunch of randos or listen in on conversations I know nothing about. I also have to admit to feeling a little slighted... Like, do you hate being with me so much that you feel you need to bring other people to keep you entertained?
I was considering asking her to make our next meeting us-only, but I don't know... I don't know how she'd take it. Is this a reasonable request? AITA for *only* wanting to see my friend and no one else?
​
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ybvZeaRWqHdn57TiIq4eQ8q0c1Wgu1QR
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a10zux
|
{
"description": "looking for ESL work but having no interest in going to certain countries and digging my heels in about this",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA because I'm looking for ESL work but have no interest in going to certain countries and am digging my heels in about this?
|
This is an ongoing argument I've got going with my family. It has been my long term aim to become a full time ESL teacher (and I already have my qualification), and more recently I've begun to actually look for a job.
Now the problem comes because i simply have no interest in going to certain countries. In particular I've got no enthusiasm whatsoever for going to China, Vietnam or most other places in the Far East, partially for reasons of distance. But my biggest reason for not wanting to go is, because I'm going to be actually living full-time in a foreign country for any sort of job like this, is that I don't have the remotest interest in actually living there, nor in the language (language lessons in the native language or languages are often an included part of the job benefits), nor the culture of most of these countries. I did have a passing flirtation with Japanese ages ago but this is it.
This has caused a number of small but frequent arguments with my family who, admittedly enthusiastic to help me, have seemingly missed out the part where I expressed my wish not to go to China, Vietnam, Indonesia etc. They've so far argued that:
* I should just do it for experience.
* I'm making assumptions about countries I don't know anything about because I've never been there.
* I might find on going there that there is something for me to enjoy.
* I can 'always come back home'.
* That I can't be picky about my first ESL job.
* that it's somewhere they'd love to experience themselves and as they'd never have chance, I should go.
On the reverse, I feel that they're trying to steer me into making a poor decision for their own sake. They're not the ones who, if they do end up somewhere they hate, aren't going to have to live for at least some months there because yay, contract terms.
So, am I being an asshole for digging my heels in about this?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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adef82
|
{
"description": "wanting to fill out a form for my ex-boyfriend to get sent back to his country",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 56
}
|
AITA for wanting to fill out a form for my ex-boyfriend to get sent back to his country?
|
We recently broke up and I found out a few months later that he cheated on me 2 years into our relationship and it hurts me to even think about. I'm still super angry about it and it *almost* makes me want to fill out an ICE form in order for him and his family to go back to their country. Of course, I haven't done it and it's just a *thought*, but I can't help but just think about it.
He did help me so much with my bulimia, but I relapsed when we broke up. He also did mention he didn't want to keep dating anyone with a mental illness.. I guess I needed a place to vent and I hope everyone is honest about what they think.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
BZdUUg2MZH8QexwhBywvCkYK1HFoteAG
|
a9uuon
|
{
"description": "still trying to distance myself from my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for still trying to distance myself from my parents?
|
This constantly weighs me down and spending my first Christmas completely alone is really making me think so I need a little perspective. I apologize in advance if this is so long, I just needed to get it off my chest. TLDR at the end.
​
I am a 23 year old female. My mom has always had some sort of mental illness. She does not believe in mental illnesses and therefore has never been diagnosed but me and my younger brother were always emotionally abused when we were younger. I remember my brother, in tears, asking to be loved and my mom just demanded that she fed, clothed and educated us well so she did not know what else we would ever want. We were almost products. She strictly monitored our leisure time, had opinions on our friendships and scolded and beat us for not studying. It is really no fault of hers. I think she is completely incapable of the sort of familial love me and my brother want and truly thinks that she is doing all she can to be a good mom. However, I recognize the effects that kind of upbring has on me. I feel very shallow emotions, stemming from a childhood where crying made her angrier. I am too conscious of reading the "mood" of a room because I've always had to tiptoe around her. I can easily change my mood and personality to fit the situation, which is something I hate about myself and I still have pretty severe trust issues.
As I grew up, I learnt how to have a life (and actual friends) without her influencing me. I stopped bringing my friends to my house so I did not need to hear about how she thought my friends were ugly, rude or just gossiping about their bad grades. I spent a lot of time at school "studying" and went to see my first movie with friends in high school. I bought my own clothes for the first time. At eighteen, I finally came to terms with the realization that my family was not something to be ashamed of, and told a friend of my family situation for the first time. I went abroad for college because I needed to, mentally. I was finally figuring out exactly who I was and gaining a personality and starting to hate lies with a passion. Interacting with my mom while having an opinion was getting very heated. Right before I left, there was a lot of screaming, mugs being thrown and my belongings being destroyed.
College was amazing. Being able to relax at home felt amazing. Going to the mall with my friends on a whim was fun. More importantly, I was distanced from the constant negativity of my mom. I found out that I am a very easygoing, optimistic and occasionally pretty ditzy person and I liked who I was. I was /good/ at my major and I made amazing friends. What alarmed me the most was that I started to feel. I cried for the first time in a movie while in college and now I bawl when watching The Big Sick. I stood up for myself and recently, I told someone to his face that he was a piece of shit instead of letting him walk over me in a group project. That felt so good. I will always be guilty for the large school fees and the debt will bite me in the ass eventually but I would do it again.
I'm in my last year of college and graduating soon. I have my life together. I have a well paying job lined up in a city I am already familiar with. My mom, however, is making plans to eventually move here, overseas, to retire and live with me. She is near retirement and imagines that they would live here on a visitor's visa (3 months at a time, you only have to pop in and out of the country periodically to renew it) and she could take care of any children I would have while I work and not take maternity leave (because my career is important). I panicked. I do not want to live in the same city as her (preferably not the same country) and if I do have children, I will never let her interact with them without me around. I plan to be single (can't figure out if I'm asexual or just emotionally dead inside), adopt two kids and as many dogs as I can and game till I am 90, all things I know she will hate.
I know I am not an asshole for distancing myself from her as a child. However, as an adult, it's been eating away at me. She looks back at my childhood of lies and thinks me and my brother had the best childhood ever. She thinks I am very close to her. Because of her two-faced personality, she does not have friends who she can talk truthfully to so she sees our mother-daughter relationship as very strong. I don't hate her. Our relationship improves greatly with distance and she is fun to talk to if she is happy. As I am an adult, she tries to control me less so we get along better. However, I have gotten worse at letting her inane comments slide and every time I visit her, I get angry so, so much and all that pent up anger kills me from the inside. I want to stay abroad and away from her but she will grow old. I know I should not abandon her but I really, really want to. Money wise, they will be fine. We live comfortably back home, they are very healthy and I plan to always support them financially. However, I don't want to have to interact with my mom more than need be. AITA for avoiding my mom now? We might be able to have a functional mother-child relationship now but AITA for not wanting to even try?
My dad and I have never been close so I don't mind losing him. Tbh I kind of blame him for letting all the crap in my childhood happen. My brother and I are super close so I will never lose him.
​
TLDR, my mom is emotionally abusive and I grew up twisted. Distanced myself in college but now that I'm graduating, I want to distance myself from her permanently. Mom still loves and misses me. AITA for wanting not to speak to her.
​
If you read through all that, thank you for your time!
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HISTORICAL
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{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
fLLQkhpIIJL6Z2QPCS4x3qoCAKndhgut
|
9vhsr9
|
{
"description": "wanting my friend to stop singing k-pop and mimicking anime in public",
"pronormative_score": 178,
"contranormative_score": 25
}
|
AITA for wanting my friend to stop singing k-pop and mimicking anime in public?
|
So I have this friend that I introduced to anime and k-pop a while back. A few months later, he's obsessed with them and I would consider him a full-on koreaboo and weaboo. For example, he says "ban-kai" (a power from BLEACH) out of nowhere and I feel a sense of disappointment for what he has become. As well as when we are in uni he starts singing k-pop songs without knowing those actual lyrics. I just want my old friend back, not the one that would say "nani" after everything I say. I can't bear to confront him about it since I'm the one that introduced him to it, but the amount of cringing I do a day is detrimental to my well-being.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 25,
"OTHER": 174,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 178,
"WRONG": 25
}
|
RIGHT
|
9CoRWi7zyv45j3QtAcFW07LEFL8IpT5c
|
b2isf7
|
{
"description": "not wanting to stand up at my brothers wedding",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA I dont want to stand up at my brothers wedding.
|
So background. About 2 years ago my childhood friend came out to my state to hang out with me for a week. While here he tried to grope my girlfriend while I was at work. She didnt tell me for a about a month afterwords due to how it would affect my relationship with one of my oldest friends. Needless to say after I found I stopped talking to or associated with that person. Anyways I think that is the end of it. Turns out my brother has been hanging out with him regularly back in my home state and now that his wedding is approaching and I'm suppose to be a grooms men he tells me that I can expect this dude to be a groomsman as well. I'm kind of taken aback and this whole wedding was suppose to be me and my family traveling to see the rest of my family. Now I dont want to put my girlfriend in a position to see him standing next to me like he is part of the family when I hate this dude. My brother says this isn't about me and i need to learn to make peace with someone I've known for so long but the thing is why is the burden to make peace even on me? This guy hasn't once tried to apologize for his actions or explain them, just started hanging out with my brother and his fiance instead after i dropped him from my life. So I guess am I the asshole for not wanting to travel across the country and be a part of my brothers wedding because he is having this guy be a groomsman?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
a4dKZx9AwAO802ih9i6yUGfTbomUvA2f
|
azpo3d
|
{
"description": "not letting my little brother use my tennis racket for a school competition",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my little brother use my tennis racket for a school competition?
|
So basically, here in Melbourne Australia, today is Monday and also a public holiday for the state. My brother was told on Friday (4 days ago) that he was automatically entered into a tennis competition within his school because he enrolled last year (not sure about the truthfull-ness of this info as a school can’t enroll someone like that without asking) except that my brother (13yo) left his racket at his grandparents house who lives interstate.
Instead, he wants to use my racket which cost me $330 out of my own pocket that I saved. All things I buy, I take good care of and I don’t want damaged, so when I loan out items I make sure they aren’t given out lightly.
However whenever I play with my brother in tennis and I win against him, he always goes through tantrums and mimicks players on tv by hitting balls out of the court and smashing his racket on the ground.
Its mainly for this reason I don’t want to loan him the racket, even though he claims he wont do anything like that at school. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
t2qucxzfeQJ5FcZHHzOGSV4qsmjKJ33R
|
a2khys
|
{
"description": "not giving my friend my essay outline",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not giving my friend my essay outline?
|
So for my history tests, we have 20 multiple choice and an pre-given essay that needs 90 facts for full credit. I typically outline my essay beforehand so that I know the info and so that I have 90 facts. This outline takes around an hour to make and requires some considerable thought.
One of my friends was in Rome over Thanksgiving and unfortunately had his flight delayed and missed around 7 days of school. He had his textbook and notes with him and he knew the question for the test. He got back and had tons of homework and had the weekend to catch up and prepare for the test.
Now Sunday night around 8 he asked me for my outline. He is a really smart, but is a bit lazy and has previously done the same thing previously. I was conflicted for a while about how I should respond but eventually told him I had it in my binder at school. I offered that I could give it to him in the morning, but he told me that he was taking the test in the morning. Am I the asshole?
Tldr: friend asked for an essay outline for a test and I lied because I thought he should do his own work.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
LueFhnb7ZZK8Onrnew8hTkY9652ulqdG
|
aieta7
|
{
"description": "not wanting to live with a friend who's just got into a new relationship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to live with a friend who's just got into a new relationship?
|
I'm a student living in a shared house with 2 friends. We've had a lot of complications with one friend in particular, we'll call her Rambo. It all started when we first got our house. In the past, she has been quite emotional regarding small things. At its peak, it was her threatening to self-harm. For instance, when receiving small criticism, like when my friend confronted her about eating her cereal, this led to a very stressful and dramatic few days of being ignored. She has since received counselling and has otherwise been a model housemate.
We were planning to live in a big group house together whilst we're all finishing up our studies (7 people). Before we could make proper arrangements, we realised that 2 of our friends (Rambo and John) were beginning a new relationship. This relationship came around very quickly and moved very fast, especially considering John had just come out of a serious relationship a few months before where he was planning to live with his previous gf. They've now been in a relationship around 2/3 months and we're deciding where we're living at the moment. At the point of moving in they will have been together for about 10 months
At the start of their relationship, they were denying actually being in a relationship. Whenever we would bring it up, this would result in them getting annoyed at us which we feel was quite an immature response. We're worried that this kind of immaturity may show when they have their first argument. If at some point they do argue, and it's a big one that leads to a potential breakup, we're worried this will create a negative impact on the house overall.
Before they were official, John went on a night out with my other housemate, we'll call her Rocky. Before they left, John started insulting Rocky's appearance and calling her a sloth, which she unsurprisingly took offence to. Now she's on the fence regarding living with him. John is quite an asshole in general. For example, he's insensitive to other people's feelings. When one of our friend's (Adrian) grandmother died, John responded with 'Adrian doesn't even care' even though John hadn't seen Adrian face-to-face. This just seemed insensitive.
Another issue is that they can be very inconsiderate. When John stays over, they are very loud (having sex, giggling and play fighting) well into the early hours of the morning, effecting Rocky's sleep as her room is directly below theirs. This has continued despite Rocky bringing it up several times.
Rambo is a very close friend of ours, so we don't wanna hurt their feelings by just outright saying we don't wanna live with them. But we're worried this kind of behaviour will continue, as mentioning things to them before has done nothing to solve it.
Tl:dr Roommate has just got into new relationship with an asshole, now we're worried about living with them next year.
So please tell me if IATA for not wanting to live with them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Bf7VasvZPBvb8W8gs9JYLmEjeMr2OYh5
|
af89mr
|
{
"description": "being salty when I got kicked out from my lunch table with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being salty when I got kicked out from my lunch table with my friends?
|
Some background info here: I am in High School, and this is about me getting kicked out of my lunch table because it was "too crowded".
Now the people at the table were people I know and can talk to easily, so it wasn't like they were strangers, and I had been going to school with them for the last 6 years.
Anyways, the table had enough room for all 9 of us and everyone had a good 2 feet of room for themselves. But after a certain point, some of the people decided that there wasn't enough room for everyone. These people eventually got the group to do a vote to kick out people. They all voted against me and my friend(who also sat at the table, and everyone got two votes to kick out two different people). Everyone voted against me and my friend and forced us to leave. They also told us that we weren't social enough and that we either just do homework during lunch or go on our phones. However, I always see them going on their phones and doing homework for their classes. Our lunch is 50 minutes long, and I always make it an effort to not use my phone and be more social for at least the first 30 mins., but they all go on their phones, so I end up having nothing to do besides go on my phone. I was pretty confused about this whole me "being anti-social, and contributing nothing to the conversation" part, but I didn't want to confront anyone. They then said that I shouldn't come back to the table. I said, "fine, whatever".
Fast forward to the next day, and it's lunch period again. My friend and I walk into the lunchroom( We usually get there pretty early, and there isn't a whole lot of people in the lunchroom at that point. We decided to see what happened if we sat there again, and we decided to sit back at that lunch table. Everyone else came and saw that we were still there, but no one said anything. No one brought it up, but we kept getting awkward stares and looks. Eventually, they bring it up and tell us that we are no longer welcome, as there wasn't enough room. My friend and I get up and move to a different lunch table, and we don't have any other friends in that lunch period.
At this point, I'm feeling pretty hurt and humiliated. So, my friend and I just sit at a lunch table by ourselves. Fast forward a couple of weeks, and I see that two new people are sitting at that lunch table, and have taken our spot. Now, I was just flat out embarrassed at this point, and kind of mad that they kick us out for not having enough space, but they add two different people to the table anyways.
AITA for feeling salty about me and my friend getting kicked out, and not just accepting the fact that they didn't want to sit with my friend and me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
JWrbDbuJT0xyOeXoC3AnfVTPsGtr6gat
|
ay3o7v
|
{
"description": "not wanting to touch my bfs exs sex toys",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to touch my bfs exs sex toys?
|
Throw away account.
Am I the asshole for wanting my bf to throw out stuff he used on other people?
I want out memories to be our own you know. So I'm asking Reddit if I'm being irrational before I speak to him about it
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
zhtWRgfaizTlqkyXwVomP8evcWcv5O4O
|
ap23cn
|
{
"description": "leaving my gf at home alone two times a week only to get high with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my GF at home alone two times a week only to get high with my friends?
|
We moved to live together with my long time GF 3-4 months a go. Since then i am leaving to 1-2 times a week to my friends house to get high, talk, laugh, get some delicious food, watch sports, play with xbox etc.
The thing is i lived there with my friends for 3 years before moving with GF. We were smoking weed and having a good time almost everyday after we get back home from work and on weekends. It was unresponsible but fun living that had to end.
I have a stressful job where i have to push my limits almost every day. The best way that i know to release the tension is to get high. IIt became part of my life and i don't see anything wrong. 1-2 times a week is normal for me and i am feeling better than before when i was smoking every day. I never smoke weed at home. Only at my friends house.
Usually i go to my friends house from 8pm, we are hanging out until midnight. I sleep for couple of hours and go home. But my GF is very mad at me for doing this. She is complaining every time. I am saying to her to threat it as my hobby(lost almost all my hobbies due to long hours at work and low energy after it). But she refuse to.
AITA for doing this? Should i stop?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
FBUxGzkTqplWjrqx9bY7PAmCcQ1vhhjQ
|
b2eh63
|
{
"description": "still resenting how my grandparents babied me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for still resenting how my grandparents babied me?
|
I was their only grand child for such a long time, and they'd always give be everything. They'd buy me so much, they'd give me treats, they'd play funny games with me and so on and so forth. Basically treated me as normal grandparents would to their young grand child.
The problem was they continued to treat me this way until I was maybe 14. They always offered me chocolate when I came over, they'd babytalk me occasionally, they always wanted me to sleep over at their house for no reason other than they wanted to see me. I started to express my discomfort about it when I was probably 10 or 11, but they wouldn't stop. It really set a distance between me and them, because it made me very uncomfortable.
They have now stopped, thank God. I'm treated much better now, and in a more mature but still familial way. However they do still push to have me sleep at their house (I'm 16, so I don't really want to) and sleep in their bed when I do, and other little things, but nothing bad.
The thing is, I still feel distanced from them because of how I was babied, and it makes me a little bitter around them. My baby cousin is one, and they treat her like how they treated me for years. That's when you're supposed to baby kids. But hearing them speak to her in that baby tone makes me uncomfortable because that's how they treated me for so long.
I love them very dearly despite everything, they've always been good to me. I never tell them how it still bothers me from time to time. But AITA for still being bitter about it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
kQnM67k8ZcAt5HEBVkqtMdeFEJEsjZZv
|
b4cffz
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give my grandma a puppy",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give my grandma a puppy?
|
For starters, I Love my grandma and she's amazing with her pets(mostly chickens)
My dad wants to give her a dog, which is not a very good idea. She's very small and almost our entire family lives on the same place, so everyone is always on grandma's. The puppy always wants to be at someones feet, if we are not careful, all the time, we'll probably step on her. On that house, everyone is always in a hurry, they won't pay attention. And a small piece of everyone, are entiltled brats.(lots of stories, but that's for a another post)
They are horrible to my dog, they run around so she will chase them, but when she gets tired they force her to get up, poking, pushing and screaming. And to make things worse, my dad is a hell of a entitled uncle(yup, not their dad, my dad). Even if he claims to Love our dog, he'll let them do those horrible things, but screams at ME when I tell them to stop
"Don't be a brother and let them play, they're just kids". Once they messed up my dog so bad, that she didn't eat for two whole days, but hey, they're just kids.
When one of the little shits got a dog, they played with it for like a week and forgot it, cause "it isn't as pretty as yours" They still play with it sometimes, but the dog hates them all and it's starting to get agressive, unlike mine. Imagine what they will do, to a small, cute and new puppy, that wouldn't be able to fight back
That's only some of the reasons why I don't think sending a puppy there is a good idea. I Love my grandma, but she doesn't have the condition to take care of the puppy neither the enviroment. I've getting some angry looks from my father because of that and he thinks it's unfair of me, especially because my grandma really wants a dog
So, Am I the asshole for not wanting to send the puppy there?
Ps. Grandma doesn't even know we are giving her a dog, nor that we have one.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
HuNUjtjNKxQ9GsRvK7WFQFXVTO9UH6Bo
|
a2jsz5
|
{
"description": "getting my hair cut at a barbershop with \"walk-ins welcome\" signs if it was 2 hours before closing",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting my hair cut at a barbershop with "walk-ins welcome" signs if it was 2 hours before closing?
|
Title.
I go to this barbershop because they take walk-ins and have several competent barbers. This afternoon (3 PM Sunday) I walk-in, put my name on the sign in sheet, and wait patiently. Waiting area is fairly full. Shop closes at 5pm. No one says anything about not taking anymore walk-ins or appointments only. More people walk in after me, as well. There were three barbers cutting. Two barbers leave early leaving one guy to finish his appointments *and* the remaining walk-ins. He gets in an argument with the second guy when he goes to leave and continues ranting while cutting heads. I started wondering if I should just go but I'm starting a new job tomorrow and need to look presentable. I would have left at any point had they just said something. I can't tell if I missed a social cue (not unlikely).
Am I the asshole for staying to get my hair cut? Was I supposed to offer to leave?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SqRrB5eRgRxLoRFfNUIIZaTsJXGAz8zy
|
9twqaf
|
{
"description": "not showing up to work",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not showing up to work?
|
Bit of backstory:
So I work part time and schedules for the most part are pretty random. Sometimes you can request certain days that you want to work, and so I always request Sunday, Monday, and Friday(and almost always get them). Our schedules always come out 1-2 weeks in advance so we have time to memorize our schedules. We use the when I work app which makes you confirm your schedules before you take them. This has worked very well up until last week. I always check my schedules when I get them and then the day before my shift just to double check everything.
When they sent out the schedules for this week (October 29- November 4) I was scheduled to only work Friday November 2 and Sunday November 4, both from 4pm-8pm. This caught me by surprise as I wasn’t scheduled for Monday as I typically am, but I confirmed them anyway. So Sunday October 28 arrives and I had a shift that evening. I checked my schedule for the next 2 weeks as I had arrived to work early. My schedule was as previously mentioned.
Monday after school my mother had an extremely important meeting that she couldn’t miss. This meeting was from 5:00-9:30 and was half an hour away from were we live. Since I didn’t have work my mother told me I had to babysit my siblings until she got home. Everything was fine until about 5:15 when I got a text from my GM asking if I was running late to work. As I wasn’t scheduled for work I was very confused and asked if they texted the wrong person since my next shift wasn’t until Friday. They said no and sent a screenshot of the When I Work app saying I had a shift from 5-9:30. I checked the app and it asked me to confirm a shift for Monday 5-9:30. This shift had not been there less than 24 hours earlier when I had last checked. On top of that my Friday shift was changed to 5-10:30 and my Sunday shift was canceled entirely. I apologized but told the GM that I couldn’t come in as I had to babysit my siblings. They ended up working down a member, although luckily the store wasn’t too busy. AITA for not showing up?
TL:DR
Didn’t show up for work due to a last minute schedule change I was unaware of and had prior obligations to fulfill. Store was down a member the whole night. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
wFTABTAvuoNAXzSDfVeS6JmGJ8seQsB2
|
avvx6i
|
{
"description": "being upset at the girl I was talking to getting a boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being upset at the girl I was talking to getting a boyfriend?
|
Okay so let me start this all at the beginning of what caused this event to occur. Me and my friend, let's say Lily for anonymity, have known each other since the fall of our first year of college. I started to like her after a couple weeks of talking, and I asked her out. But she said no and I was pretty cool with that.
Fast forward to about a month ago in January, and we are still really good friends. We were talking one late night and one thing lead to another and we planned on going on a date during President's Day weekend. Although she would answer my question, "Will you be my girlfriend?", after the date as she wanted to see how things went. But disaster strikes and she has to go into work on the day of our date as she forgot her work started that weekend. After she told me that she went completely radio silent the next day and for the following week or so. But she finally started texting again on Friday of the following week and Saturday we had a Skype call.
To my surprise Lily explained that she had a boyfriend now that she had met somewhere in the middle of that week of radio silence and didn't completely understand what was wrong with that. I was visually and verbally frustrated of course and we ended the call since I really couldn't speak more. I asked her, "What was your answer going to be after the date?", and she said, "Yes.", and I just couldn't believe that and couldn't understand this complete 180.
She ignores me for half a week only reading my messages as I was just asking to talk. We finally talked last night and I got what I needed out. I wasn't hostile or angry toward her. Just upset and I really couldn't be mad at her because I cared about her a lot. She understands what she did was wrong and is having a discussion with her boyfriend about what to do and how he feels about it. Mostly the conversation was just me asking questions of why she did things and explaining my feelings on the situation. She explained that she didn't mean to hurt me and she had met this person in class and developed feelings quite fast. It still is strange to me and frustrated me, but I still care for her.
​
What would you guys have done in this situation?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
bQlqazXFJg9fszcJ5JP8oI49Rm6giyrI
|
b2wlvw
|
{
"description": "only tipping without buying",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for only tipping without buying?
|
Last week I went to Taj Mahal. Anyone who has gone there would probably remember the flock of locals who swarm tourists to be their tourguides and/or photographers. Our hired driver already warned us that their initial asking price will be 10x the actual value so either haggle to the end or just ignore them.
​
So 1 man repeatedly bugged us to take pics of us with his camera, put the photos on a thumbdrive and a DVD for a lovely price of 2000 rupees ($29). Despite us refusing each time, he still followed, and eventually offered to take pics for us. We told him to just take the pic with our camera, but he still took 20 snaps with his own camera in the end. At the end of our trip, he pestered us again to buy his snaps saved in storage devices at the initial asking price. We told him for the last time, we do not need them as we have the pics in our own camera, but we would like to thank him for taking pics of us so I tipped him 500 rupees ($7.25, judging from the local price, enough to buy 4-6 meals).
​
Well, he took the money, clicked his tongue, pocketed the money and walked away. I felt like shit now, as we are kind of touring and we could probably do our part for local economy (which looks really poor by our standard), but at the same time, we have limited cash with us and rather not give away that much for something we don't need. AWTA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
Vid5oOHzq9DvNoRw9dpmOlBbtDRpj4aD
|
adzovl
|
{
"description": "cutting off my friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off my friends?
|
Loooooooong.
I met a friend about 6 months ago on a night out. We immediately clicked and have a lot in common. We share a similar past of violent exes, hers recent, mine 8 years ago.
However; she brings no end of drama to herself. She jumps from boyfriend to boyfriend. The relationships are toxic entirely, and the boyfriends move into the family home after weeks each time (3 boyfriends since I’ve known her). I am a stoically single human. I love sex and getting with guys, but I cannot process having sex with someone I love due to past trauma so I am pretty settled I will be single forever. Each time she comes to me asking for advice as she says she appreciates my opinion and each time I do not want to be that single girl that makes her friends break up from their exes. But these guys are genuine dickbags. Most recent one was super jealous all the time. Always calling me asking g whether she was with me (she was), my friend gets so mad she beats him up (I was super mad at this as I have been in a physically abusive relationship and abuse is wrong regardless) he steals her car and smashes it into another car. Loads of other dramas too but she “loves him” and keeps coming to me to get advice. Even on Xmas day she finds out he is cheating on her with 4 other women and calls me in tears and I have to say that I cannot deal with it on Xmas day and she should go home to her parents. (I live alone, she lives at home)
Recently my mental health took a real turn for the worse and I quit my high paying, senior role with no notice on the spot 2 weeks before Xmas. Since then I’ve been shutting myself away to try work on myself. New Year’s Eve we were meant to go out to my friends house and she lies and says she can’t as her mum is telling her she needs to stay in. Her mum messsges me worried that she is back with this latest dickbag, so I know she is lying and she ditched us to go with this guy that 2 days before we stop everything to support her dealing with. I feel utterly betrayed, to Ditch me for this guy who cheated on her to go sit in a field and smoke weed with him is a huge betrayal to me when I have done so much, at the detriment to my own mental health to support her.
She messaged our group chat today wanting to meet up this weekend saying she has ditched this guy for good and she just wants to be with family and friends and get better. Which is great. But I just can’t get over it that quickly. It’s been 6 months if her self inflicted drama and she never cares about anything going on with me. When I quit my job she literally wa alike “oh that’s not good” and carried on talking about her stupid boyfriend and her self inflicted issues that could be solved easily by just staying away from him.
AITA for telling her today that I need to re-evaluate our friendship? I feel like I am too unwell atm to take on more of her stuff. She is messaging now saying she couldn’t cope without me and feels so awful and she will make it up to me. And I’d like to think this is true, and a small part of me wants to be there to help her get over her demons and get on the straight and narrow. But right now, I jut can’t. The reason I think it’s an asshole move is because she doesn’t have many friends. She says I am her best friend, to everyone. If I leave her she will likely just get back into another toxic relationship. So, AITA for cutting her off?
TLDR: friend who causes her own drama with relationships is always pulling on my emotions to support her. This has been difficult for me as I am suffering with MH atm. I want to cut friend off even though I know this will leave her alone.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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BG3JXWYotitcdl3c9HtB3ihaMyQiAwBo
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aszegz
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my gf when she rescinded her offer to buy us both a vacation",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my GF when she rescinded her offer to buy us both a vacation?
|
Hey, first post here, I'll try and keep it on the shorter side.
So I'm 27M and have been with my 23yo GF for about a year and a half now. We moved in together last October with the understanding that she doesn't make enough to split the rent, but we would figure something out.
I only make $2500/mo and the rent alone is $1500/mo. I (foolishly) agreed to let her pay for the Cable and the Electric bill each month because I know she doesn't make that kind of money just yet...she works at a private kindergarten that pays some shit like $10/hr. As it turns out, our cable bill is legit under $5/mo and cable is $140/mo.
Since we've been *dating*, she's always complained/bugged me about wanting to go on vacations. I would always tell her, I can't afford that, I have to save up for the apartment. Now it's, I can't afford that I spend more than half of my monthly income on rent.
So about a week or so ago, she randomly texts me a picture of $50 flights to Fort Lauderdale and a link to a $50/night AirBnb. I text her back saying I'm sorry I wish, but I just can't afford it right now.
She goes, "Okay, surprise, I'm going to get it for us as a special treat!"
Fast forward to tonight, we're getting dinner and drinks, and I ask her (bc I genuinely forgot) if she still owes me money that I've lent her. She goes "yeah I still owe you $160", so I'm like okay cool just making sure.
THEN she goes, "but if I'm paying you that back, I'm not paying for your vacation to Florida."
I legitimately felt like I wanted to cry. She's my first legit girlfriend, and no one's ever been that nice to me and offer to take me on a vacation (not counting family trips when I was like 12-16).
So I said, I can't afford that because I have to pay the whole rent every month. She goes "sucks for you guess I gotta find someone else to go with. **I** pay for the dinner bill **and** tip, and just stop talking to her.
We get home, and it's been snowing outside, my boots are wet. I walk maybe 10 feet into the apartment so I can sit and take my shoes off when she goes "can you stop walking everywhere with your dirty shoes."
I immediately snap back, "Don't tell me what to do in MY house when I'm the one who pays for it."
Needless to say, she didn't like that very much...went into the bedroom and hasn't come out since.
So reddit...AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
KROxuLCIUnTOnK74tcEPcmhytbp2ZRUZ
|
9zqdg8
|
{
"description": "visiting my mom on Thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for visiting my mom on Thanksgiving
|
My brother and I both have toddlers. My mom babysits my nephew full time cause both parents work.
About 2.5 weeks ago my kid got sick, nasty and super contagious disease. Contagious for up to 3 weeks. We agreed to keep the boys apart for three weeks. No issue. Son's symptoms cleared pretty quickly and we agreed we would both get together with the family for Thanksgiving, even though it was just shy of the 3 week cut off.
Then my husband got it. I called the family to say we were going to not join holiday festivities in case hubby was contagious (it was only a week to Thanksgiving). My brother decided the boys had to be apart for and addition 1.5 weeks. Ok.
Well, by Thanksgiving, I knew that if my son was contagious it was only going to be if he got saliva on something and someone else put it on their mouth (like a toddler). So I called my mom and we went to visit her. Cause she's not a toddler and not going to chew on his toys.
Well, my brother was really upset and got into it with our mom (not me) because he thought she'd get it and infect his kid.
Turns out he thinks my kid gave it to me and I acted as a carrier and infected my husband. And I could still be contagious.
But my guess is that, since I work with kids and there were a few other cases at that work, I acted as a carrier and have it to my son. So I assume I'm not contagious any more cause that was well over 3 weeks ago.
My brother never said it was me he was worried about. So I never thought twice about seeing my mother for the holiday a few hours before she went to see the rest of the family. And I never explained what I thought happened
So AITA for assuming that I'm not contagious and that I was fine visiting my mom? (We left husband safely sequestered at home).
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
oBJpKdBl1foo8TUqhkK2ln55py3y6E3U
|
ay5fc2
|
{
"description": "charging for rewriting somebody else's work",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I charged for rewriting somebody else's work?
|
Alright, here goes.
I'm a freelancer in a particular field and I'm part of a team who are working on a big project. It's something I'm passionate about and so I've poured a lot of energy into it in the last few weeks, and it's starting to go well because my boss is coming to me for things like rush jobs.
That was what happened today. One of the others submitted a piece of work that was, bluntly, awful and the deadline for it to be done is tomorrow. My boss asked if I could get in there and rework it, and I did it, mostly by scrapping 85% of what was there and starting from scratch. So far, so straightforward.
I was ready to stick that with my other work to be invoicing when I found out why the other guy's work was so late and so bad - his father died. Now, I feel conflicted about invoicing my work - I absolutely did the work and did it better, but by charging for that the other guy is probably going to lose out.
So, would I be the asshole for invoicing this or not?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
cGqMmZXxh71hiaImXe08t58lez4wIrYn
|
apqfsv
|
{
"description": "giving up on my friendship even though they didn't really do anything wrong",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for giving up on my friendship even though they didn’t really do anything wrong?
|
Sorry if this ends up being a long post, I’ll try to condense it as much as possible.
Also this is a throw away account since other ppl follow my actual one.
so I’m friends with this girl and we’ve been friends for about three years now. we met in college bc we were roommates as freshmen, then sophomore year we got our separate apartments, and now we are juniors and roommates again.
During freshman year, we had some struggles with our friendship, but it was nothing more than just some dorm-sharing girl drama (easily annoyed by one another, feeling left out, not liking each other’s friends, etc.) which is mainly why we didn’t live together sophomore year. but then we became closer again and decided to live together junior year again in an apartment.
She has a boyfriend who is super overly possessive and doesn’t like when she goes out to parties or basically does anything (i’ve tried to have nights of just hanging out in the living room with her but she always ends up going back to her room by midnight bc he wants to facetime her). I’ve constantly tried to get her to come out to parties with me or do other things, but she always either blames her boyfriend or last minute says she doesn’t feel good or is “tired” and wants to stay in instead. Thankfully, I’m bar-age so I can go out to the bars with other friends if she bails.
Her bf also comes down to visit her every. single. weekend. (I wish i was exaggerating, but i’m not.. and the weekends he didn’t visit, she went home) and when they visit, they never want to do anything. They usually just sit in her room for hours only to leave occasionally to make food or go out to eat.
I told her that I kind of considered living on my own for senior year bc her boyfriend was always here and even when he wasn’t she didn’t want to ever do anything with me. She explained she was kind of hurt by me saying this and it was a wake up call to her to try and change her patterns and make the most of her college experience. Bc she agreed to this, i agreed to resign our lease with her for next year.
things were relatively okay up until about a week ago when I felt I was being very helpful and generous to her; offering her rides to go get groceries (she doesn’t have a car), driving her to her internship so she didn’t have to deal with the bus, giving advice on things with family, helping her with resume stuff, etc. So when I asked if she’d maybe want to go to a party with me that following weekend I figured she’d maybe say yes since I was pretty generous to her and this was something I wanted to do, right? Nope.
I was pretty annoyed that she gave the same “my bf wouldn’t be happy if I went” excuse when I asked but I just eventually shrugged it off and decided maybe we can just do something the next night instead. I suggested it, she said maybe, and then her boyfriend announces he’s coming to visit her (even though she saw him last weekend and will see him again next weekend for valentine’s day). And, yup, you guessed it, they were in her room the whole weekend. Oh, and they also smoked weed to the point where I could smell it through the whole apartment (i don’t mind the smell, it’s just a little distracting and annoying to smell it at 1am the night before Monday classes).
I basically decided that I’ve given up. I’m done offering rides, suggesting to do things together, trying to be a friend, etc. bc i feel like i’m just being used or taken for granted. I’m literally her only girl friend she has, and i’m kind of starting to maybe see why.
Bc I’ve given up, I didn’t text her this morning about walking to classes together (we have the exact same schedule since were in the same major) and she didn’t end up even coming to class. Why? bc her boyfriend stayed at the apartment until 3pm Monday.
TL;DR: AITA for basically giving up on a friendship that started off my freshman year of college, bc my friend has basically chosen her boyfriend over me and let’s him control her life despite me offering lots of assistance and help for her?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Fl8LQKR4LXiHfWv9X0g0phZAkNrrLgD6
|
ax0vez
|
{
"description": "sending my friend this picture",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for sending my friend this picture.
|
So some background, I’m a college student and I have been friends with this person for 4 months. We send a lot of memes to each other. So about 3 weeks ago my friend was complaining how I never ask them to hangout, I personally thought I asked them to hangout enough and they always said they were busy, but I said I would try to ask more.
Now it’s been about 2 weeks, since then and we’ve hung out one time. I’ve asked a lot to hangout, but they always said they were busy. For the past week I’ve been trying a lot to hangout and talk with them in person, since I want to talk about something important and our friendship, but I keep getting told no. This weekend comes up, I ask if they have just 20 minutes to meet up to talk and they say no, but next week they think they can.
Today, I was really frustrated about how I was trying to hangout/talk to this person a lot, but they said no so many times, so I made this image in a meme format and sent it to them. For reference the top is what they sent me 2 weeks ago and the bottom are texts from between yesterday to about a month back.
https://imgur.com/gallery/coBW9Od
They got mad and said I was being really petty.
For reference, we live less than a mile away and they only have class 3 days a week. I really wanted to talk about it in person, but they just kept saying no to every chance, so I called them out. I know this post is from my side and that it can be biased, especially since I made the picture with the texts, but I don’t think it strays too much from the truth.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
LtP4l3Au9V62PqheMYqRGmZV3XSPrV89
|
agq4ry
|
{
"description": "wanting to get rid of my dog",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting to get rid of my dog?
|
I already know this is going to be controversial but I really want reddits opinion on this.
I think it is important to note a few things.
1. my parents are divorced. Following the schedule, I take the bus to my dad's house, and my mom picks me up around 6 on her weeks. No matter what, I always go to my dad's house.
2. My dad is low middle class. Far too often he forgets Or can't afford to pay bills, he has dropped me from his phone bill, and I'm even used to coming home and realizing that the power Or wifi is turned off.
3. He got the two dogs when they were about 6 months old and they just turned 1.
4. The dog in question, nicki, has decreased motor function (cerebellum hyperplasia), and because of this, it's very difficult for her to walk.
5. I haven't acually confronted my dad about this yet, but I am really considering it.
With that out of the way, I can state my side. The reason that I think we should get rid of her is because of the stress she puts on our family. My dad has anger issues, and while he doesn't hit or cuss (very much), he still has a short temper, and more often than not he just yells at nicki when she whines. Speaking of which, she can get provoct to whine very easily. I've seen her whine for a multitude of reasons: 1. there is something *near* her( not even in front of her, I've seen her whine, and upon me moving something more than twice her body length away from her, she would stop whining) 2. She knows my sister is home, but can't see her (I've seen her move across the house to my sister's bedroom and just lay in front of her door, all while whining the whole time.) etc. That said, she also can't really hold her bladder. Assuming she hasn't pooped and peed all over the living room and entrance, she can't really get over the 2 inch or so height gap between the walkway and front door. And this is also another reason I want to get rid of her.
Those of you who have kids know how I feel, having to wake up at 3 am to clean up poop and pee, getting home to a huge mess, constant whining no matter what you do. It's hard to deal with. I hope that this post isn't too short, or that it blaitantly makes me look like a douche.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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