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TatlM3MQ1bvZ9GGGlmPsIPk377aI2ox4
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af6k4r
|
{
"description": "not telling my co-worker that he's going to be fired",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not telling my co-worker that he's going to be fired?
|
I will try to make the background of my dilemma as clear as possible, without giving away too much personal info -- hence the throwaway too.
First a little bit about my situation. I lived and worked abroad for a few years, but I wasn't able to get a full time job because of my immigration status. While I did contract and remote work, the loneliness, job uncertainty, and distance from my family got to me. I've always had depression and anxiety for most of my life, but the straw that broke the camel's back was a terrible depression episode that lasted 3 months, where I pretty much locked myself in my room and cut off all contact with the outside world. My mom flew halfway across the globe to take care of me, and I decided come back home. I spent a lot of time looking for a job, and also took care of my family members while they had a series of mental and physical health crises. After therapy, medications, and over a year of searching for a job, I finally found a full time job with an interview that went amazingly well. While I get to finally work, what I actually work on is a bit boring and the bosses can be quite asshole-y.. but hey, I get to work in a field I love and I paid pretty well. And most importantly, this job has brought a lot of stability and peace to my family. So I feel like it's pretty important for me to hold on to this job.
I joined the team around the same time as another person did. This Co-worker (let's call him C), is much more senior, has a different job function, and is from an English speaking nation. We get along well right from the beginning, and bond over being the "new kids" as well as our experiences being in foreign countries. It comes up in conversation that I am used to the work environment that this team has, rapidly iterating on tight deadlines; while C tells me he is used to a much slower and relaxed 'corporate' environment. Most of my team is also my nationality, and I speak their language too. C doesn't. However, C and everyone else on the team except me are all technical people, so they often talk about things that I don't completely understand and can't contribute to. C also goes out drinking and "bloke"-ing with the bosses. So in the beginning, we're evenly matched in terms of getting along with the rest of the team. So I don't think there was any favoritism involved.
I make sure I talk to C and try my best that he doesn't feel left out when the team talks in our common language. However C often throws me under the bus in small ways, trying to shift the blame me in front of the whole team for something he hasn't thought of doing, or getting me to take ownership of a problem he should have solved. Still, I put these aside because we have to work together and I don't want to create unpleasantness -- I keep my head down when I'm angry at him and keep on working. I did stop making an extra effort to be C's friend, but still kept it completely civil.
The months go along and it's clear that I'm fitting in much better with the team. My boss is also much happier with the work I'm doing, as I'm improving on the work of my predecessor. C however is struggling big time. He's missing deadlines and the bosses start berating him in front of all of us. Things come to a head when we had a review where both of us were supposed to present big new features -- first him, then me. His work ended up taking all the meeting time -- it had so many problems that it was ripped to shreds by everyone on the team, and the bosses held him back after the meeting to yell at him because the deadline has to be extended yet again. I showed the boss my work after the meeting and he seemed to like it, as he complimented me in front of the rest of the team -- something that he has never done before, my teammates tell me. He gave me charge of an even bigger feature, so I was inundated with work. I tried to maintain C and my normal level of conversation, but with all my extra work and C kind of becoming quieter with everyone, our communication reduced significantly.
A few weeks later, I was confirmed as a full-time employee in a glowing review. C, meanwhile, was told that his probation would be extended. C started working non stop to complete his tasks.
I just found out from reliable sources that the bosses wants to kick C out as soon as he's done working on his current tasks. They aren't telling C because legally, C can leave at any time since he's on probation. The whole team knows. Except C.
In the country I live in (it's not the USA) our residency relies on the job if we're on the organization's visa, like C is -- he would have to leave the country within a few weeks of his employment being terminated.
I really want to tell him to start looking for other opportunities. If I was in C's place, I would want someone to tell me, out of human decency if nothing else. I can't drop C hints in casual conversation because of our reduced interactions. And moreover, if I tell him about what's happening, I can't trust him to keep his mouth shut and be discreet -- he has already thrown me under the bus for much smaller issues. I have kept quiet until now, but it's eating me up inside.. I have been through joblessness in a foreign land and it really wrecked me. Even if C has been a bit of a dumbass, no-one deserves this degree of pain. At the same time, I don't want to risk the boss's and team's wrath and let go of this opportunity to further my career and retain my much needed stability.
AITA for keeping quiet and not telling him that he's going to be fired? What should I do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
KvUKUu6dYKoJCpzRKrTYyGQumPAKwHhU
|
a60asx
|
{
"description": "defending my aunt",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for defending my aunt?
|
My aunt texted me after my dad wouldn’t pick up the phone. She asked me how everyone is and why her own HUSBAND (my uncle) won’t answer the phone. For a little bit of context, my aunt and uncle got married just last year in December. She works in Dubai and he works in NY so they’ve only really gotten together maybe once. According to my dad, my uncle has tried to cut her out of his life after just being married because she hasn’t sent money to my grandmother(her MIL). She is raising a kid all by herself in Dubai and has a difficult job. She also doesn’t know my grandma, has never met her in person. My uncle is sort of using her for the money she sends him, as his life is pretty easy. I started an argument with my dad because I think it’s wrong to try to cut ties by not answering phone calls, just after one year. She’s not toxic, she’s really nice, and my dad argued back saying that his grandmother’s well being is more important and it’s selfish of her to not give any money to her. (Keep in mind, that he doesn’t really give too much money to his mom either, but he has plenty to give.) Am I the asshole for trying to defend my aunt, or even starting the argument in general?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
vgtP3fkoqNJwMYkOMgxzG9uhYYVRtgbk
|
b1dr6s
|
{
"description": "being insensitive on Twitter",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA For Being Insensitive on Twitter?
|
A few hours ago, I left a reply on Pewdiepie’s tweet about the very recent Mosque shooting that was a Reddit comment about giving the shooter what he wanted by getting people to be convinced that Pewdiepie influenced him. I then saw the same picture on a tweet, same minute, same amount of upvotes. It has wayyy more likes and retweets (as of now) than the original I posted.
I replied, saying that I was slightly jealous (because of how many likes and retweets it had), and said it was from reddit (another person asked where the original was from) to make it look like I wasn’t focusing on the “haha you got more likes” etc etc part. I then proceeded to get several replies, most of them saying “wtf is wrong with you???” or some variation of the phrase. I apologized about half an hour after the reply, and I’m awaiting responses.
TLDR: Said someone got more likes and retweets, when all the person did was copy the same pic I replied with on another tweet. Didn’t call the person out, but said I was slightly jealous. I then got several replies calling me a dickhead, I apologized am currently awaiting the responses. Topic of the post/picture was the mosque shootings that happened very recently.
Sorry if I’m being too vague. I’m not very good at explaining situations through text. I am 99% sure I was the asshole in this situation, but I’m betting on the 1% chance.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
66pMMrQltm0ZCJJJxPGORZAS00evMY2l
|
b97iqi
| null |
AITA for not wanted to be friends with my brothers girlfriend
|
When my brother started dating her we got along and were friends but she starts a problem I.e. drama etc. And then I ignore her for a few days and then she apologises and then everything’s back to normal until she starts another problem and now I’ve just blocked her because of this repetition and her not being any good for my life. Now she is depressed about it. And insists she’s “changed”.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
riiGYo8Dd7xvav0PN9bwKLWpSWwjG9UM
|
ask872
|
{
"description": "complaining about someone in front of them via text",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for complaining about someone in front of them via text?
|
This is regarding an incident a while back that I'm still mulling over. Long post, so sorry.
**Content warning:** there's a some backstory here involving a history of abuse. It factors into my own motivations and actions, but can be skipped since it's only contextual to the incident in question.
**The Context**
My sister was verbally and emotionally abusive to me and my brother up to around two years ago, for around 10 years total. I won't go into all the details, but suffice to say although she nominally meant well at times she effectively made my high school years and part of college hell, our dad did nothing or backed her up, and my friends were the only reason I made it through. (Sidenote: I'm seeing a therapist, don't worry.)
She was aware I complained about her to them online and in person, one time taking my computer and reading my chat messages about her. *Most relevantly,* twice she told me to listen to her or get out of the house. The second time I chose to get out and she and my brother had to go get me when they figured out I actually left. (I hadn't gone far, I also happened to have a broken foot at the time for unrelated reasons.)
A few years back various factors converged, and my sister apologized for what she'd done. We had a decent relationship for about a year and a half.
**The Incident**
My brother and I visited our sister where she lives in Chicago right before Christmas, staying at her apartment over a few days/nights. At dinner one night we got into an argument (something petty about pronunciation that escalated) and she essentially accused me of ignoring evidence because I didn't want to admit she was right and I was wrong, and if I was going to be like that she wasn't sure she wanted me to be under the same roof as her. Effectively, she was threatening to throw me out.
Given our history I immediately recognized the situation as familiar and soon pulled out my phone to vent-text my friend about it - my brother clearly didn't want to get involved (which I don't blame him for), and I was internally screaming at what I perceived as the injustice of the situation and the repeat of history.
I was sitting next to my sister so naturally she saw, and when she asked if I was complaining about her to a friend I gave a flat and unconvincing "No" (not wanting to escalate, but also not in the state of mind to lie convincingly). I continued texting my friend until she asked me to put my phone away, at which point I did.
She later apologized and said she doesn't like it when people complain about her where she could see because it was rude, and she wouldn't complain about her boyfriend if he were there for example.
**TL;DR:** AITA about complaining about my sister in front her? In terms of abusive behavior she's definitely the one at fault, but for the specific texting incident I don't know whether I was justified or not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
4qZ3xsTtO9CVMfUftaowa2MRe9mwNMuC
|
aorfuk
|
{
"description": "giving my friend a reality check on her weight and ego",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for giving my friend a reality check on her weight and ego?
|
Well, shit. This is a long one, buckle up.
My friend, who we'll call "**A**", has been acting really out of character lately.
**A** and I go way back. All the way back to Elementary school. We met in 3rd grade and have been inseparable ever since. But recently, things have been different. I'll start of by saying this, **A** struggles with mental illness. They work like a pattern. One day they're talking about how fat they are, the next day they're talking about how fat you are.
**A** has put me through a lot of mental strain as well. In middle school, **A** hit a rough patch in their life. One late night I receive a lengthy message from her number. The message was their final goodbye to me before they planned to kill themself. As anybody would, I panicked. I frantically texted back, trying to convince them not to do it. Worst night of my life, I truly thought that I'd never see them again. I was frozen in my bed, whimpering and choking on my tears all night until I passed out from exhaustion. Morning arrives and I call their sibling completely hysterical. I pleaded with them to get out of bed and check on **A**. Turns out, **A** was unharmed and sleeping like a baby. I was relieved and livid at the same time. Apparently they had fallen asleep after she sent the text to me.
Even through shit like that, I stuck around. I supported them through thick and thin. Like a good friend should. Sadly, I can't do it anymore. Everyday they chip away at my self-esteem with their judgemental commentary on everything I do. I'm not the only one who feels this way either, they're affecting our whole friend group. Enough is enough, somebody had to put them in their place. *So I did.*
​
So **A** is on a "diet", If you can even call it that. If anything, they're average size with most of their excess weight being carried in their stomach. But they're obsessed with the idea of being thin. So much so, they go out their way to buy clothing they'll only wear when they're skinny. Which I guess could motivate them, but personally I think it's stupid to buy clothing you could possibly fit in much later down the road. They have a pile of crop tops and skinny jeans just sitting around collecting dust.
Because of the "diet" **A's** on, they like to act holier than thou. On a daily basis, they have a bagel (Or two if they skipped breakfast) in the morning, vegetables and soda for snack, two small lunch meat & mayo sandwiches on white bread, pizza and a salad drenched in caesar dressing. I wish I was exaggerating but I'm not. This just infuriated me because If I even dare ordered two pieces of pizza or they'd say, "Pizza again? You're going to get fatter if that's all you eat" or "That's all going to your thunder thighs" and follow it with a laugh. But I didn't think it was that funny.
It was really damaging to hear this from somebody I felt safe expressing myself with. After that, I stopped eating in front of them. I was scared of what she was going to say next. I know what they were saying was coming from a place of their own insecurities but it still fucked me up. It became a little more personal when they attacked my newly found friend calling them such things like "fat tranny whore" and other offensive shit.
Enraged, I completely went off on them. The whole ordeal was quite childish. I made a stupid remark about, "how is it possible that you're uglier on the inside than you're on the outside" and how they eat like dump truck and have the same physique of a garbage can. Just really pathetic insults I'd been bottling up inside of me up until that point. The damage had been done and **A** just left about ready to cry, and I didn't chase after them and we haven't talked since.
But AITA?
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
cz8mwXQBOAscYaD6v6LvK9udMtYaaIy8
|
ag4qtl
|
{
"description": "reposting a meme that had the n-word in it",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for reposting a meme that had the N-word in it?
|
I posted a meme that had the n-word in it. It was a screenshot of a retweeted tweet that someone had posted on their Instagram and I reposted that meme. The person who I got the meme from was tagged in the picture, the person who retweeted it was in the picture as well as the person who originally tweeted it. The post was making a joke about how guys will hit on you no matter what situation you are in.
I am white. I never typed nor said these words. I wouldn't do that and didn't think posting this meme indicated that. I didn't see a problem with posting something like that especially since it had 3 different people in the picture who had reposted/retweeted it. However a person messaged me(another white person) saying that it's not okay for white people to repost stuff like that. That it's 'tramatic'. I honestly didn't see a problem with it and still don't? AITA and just don't know it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
T8sR1yB29r84p5E9AyLFn8EHanEIlRUL
|
an2az8
|
{
"description": "telling my mom a dog attacked me and got the dog put down",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling my mom a dog attacked me and got the dog put down?
|
This happened a few years ago in my old neighborhood but this is the first time I have ever felt bad about it.
In my old neighborhood (my family moved two years ago) there was this family that were assholes to everyone. They had a dog that the dad was training to be aggressive, in our affluent and safe suburb. Not a very smart idea.
We also had two dogs and I walked them everyday. One day in the middle of the summer I’m walking my dog Kia on the communal neighborhood path that runs through the woods behind their house. Their dog jumps the fence and lunges at my dog Kia, who ran behind me, she’s very old and scared of everyone/everything besides me. The dog gets my pant leg but I kick it away, drop Kia’s leash so she can run away, and run to hop a fence hopping the dog will follow me and not my poor old dog. Weirdly it doesn’t and it just goes back over the fence to their yard again. I run the long way home and my dog had already arrived home when I got there. My mom was scared and ready to call the police when Kia arrived and not me. So when I got there she was very concerned and when I told her what happened she went on a warpath. The dog ended up being taken away and was assumable put down due to the very strict rules of our county about dogs that are human aggressive. We never were updated and got this information via angry Facebook post on the HOA.
But the thing is, the dog never tried to attack me, it only went after my dog that was behind me. And when it had a chance to bite me it didn’t and rather than clamp down on my leg it let go. I never even considered my actions wrong until we were at a Christmas party in the old neighborhood and the asshole family turned up. The dad cussed me out for killing his dog while his son blinked back tears. I now see that the dog was probably trained that way and not a bad dog, just a bad owner. Now I see the sons at school and can’t help but think I have my dogs still but they don’t because of my actions. So am I an asshole?
Tl;dr- I told my mom a dog attacked me rather than my dog and the county probably put it down.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
tLG7pYDW6D8rp8ONdccdYgak5JlGRUoK
|
9tjsdd
|
{
"description": "hooking up with someone at my best friend's birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for hooking up with someone at my best friend's birthday party?
|
(TL;DR at the end)
So my best friend, let's call him S. S and i have had a very short relationship thing which ended painfully for me (he said it won't be happening as he saw me more like a sister, even though he told me he loved me not long before)
Fast forward a few months, we're having a best friends thing going on with occasional sex which is fine by me (even though I still have some feelings left)
His birthday is on halloween and i agreed to come. I was very excited about it and he said he was, too, and he was so happy spending time with me for the night (my mother was watching my son so it was possible, which is like a huge deal)
He goes on about how his crazy ex (which he obvs has still feelings for, and i have been picking up his pieces after their fights ever since) won't be invited. Well they fought and he said he didn't care if she came but she wouldn't be the center of attention for him.
I'd never met her before, so i was upset for him inviting her but i just dealt with it. So it's his birthday and she shows up and of course starts flirting and cuddling with him and whatnot and he lets her, she and i kiss (i am bi but that was a dumb idea, he was still fine with it tho) then she drinks too much and he carries her to his bed so she could sleep a bit.
Well all of the other people except one friend of him had left at this point.
So the three of us had a good time, then she woke up and S and her went downstairs to talk. I and the other guy (B) hear both of them crying and fighting quietly so we choose not to interrupt even though i am worried about them. I call down once to ask if they are okay but don't go down because they seem to want privacy.
Well me and B start talking, we get along well (he is kinda hitting on me) and I'm thinking why not, he is cute. So we kiss for some time and touch each other a bit (in a sexual way) . Well we didn't notice but apparently S and his ex were standing and watching for a while. He later told me it hurt him that i was kissing and touching someone on his couch without asking.
Well S and his ex went down again without us noticing, and after she's left (it's like 4am at this point) he comes up and tells us he's had sex with her downstairs and then sent her home. (she has a child too, and is in the process of getting back together with the father even tho she still loves S, but she's a cheater anyways soo)
I was going to sleep at his place anyways and he invited B to stay. So B crashes on the couch and me and S sleep in his bed.
In the morning B came to us, we talked for a while and watched videos etc
I was touching both of them in a non-sexual way by then (having my hand on his arm, etc)
I just like physical contact. Apparently S felt it was inappropriate and he felt replaced.
AITA? I'm not sure about it. I have been there for him almost more than i can handle and i stayed all night even though he basically begged me to attend and then chose to spend it fighting with his crazy ex.
(TL;DR: I went to the bday party of my ex, who is now kinda my best friend (he ended it). He invited his crazy ex, they fought and then had sex. He is angry at me for making out with his friend on his couch while they were fighting downstairs for more than an hour.)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 8,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
zkZZhzNL2ZztTDEGpLpyWqfjnA1Zw0Fv
|
aiyqm9
|
{
"description": "wanting my gf to go home",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my gf to go home?
|
My girlfriend of just over a year pressured me to move in together last September when the lease on her apartment was up. At the time, we had been together for less than a year, and I told her I wasn’t ready for that. She claimed her feelings were hurt, got a little upset, but ended up finding a new place closer to me, but still separate.
I have explained to her many times that I am naturally an introverted person, and although I do love my time with her, sometimes I just need a night or two to myself. I’ve tried to express to her that it has nothing to do with her personally, and that it’s no indication of my feelings for her. I have my own business (two, actually) which requires me to deal with many, many people (mostly strangers, but also a few dozen employees), and sometimes I just need time alone to recharge. If any of you are naturally introverted, you know what I mean. I feel like my apartment should be my place of refuge when I need this time.
A few months ago, I gave her a key to my apartment, because she was working a job that was less than a five minute drive from my place. Her job is a dirty one (outdoors), and I thought it would be nice to give her access to my place so she could shower and clean up after work, if she needed it.
Since then, she has basically moved in. There would be bags and bags of her clothes and accessories at my place. I bought an extra dresser because I was tired of having random bags of clothing stacked in my bedroom. All the while, I kept politely reminding her that I do need my private time, and asked that she try to spend a night or two a week at her own place. She gets all butt-hurt when I remind her of this, even though I over-emphasize the fact that it absolutely doesn’t mean I lover her any less.
Because I know it hurts her feelings, I asked her if she could please take it upon herself to excuse herself once or twice a week. She doesn’t. Ever. She’ll stay for weeks at a time until I finally say something, and it results in a fight. Then she leaves, but in anger. That’s not what I want.
Now, because her job is outdoors, and seasonal, she has been laid off since mid-December. She has been at my place 24/7. I know she’s stressed about not working, and I don’t want to kick her while she’s down, so I’ve not said anything about her being here for about six weeks straight. However, I’m beginning to feel really claustrophobic, and it’s making me have feelings of resentment.
This past weekend, I went to visit my sister out of town. I asked her before I left, “you’re not going to stay at my place all weekend, are you?” She assured me she wasn’t, and I left Friday afternoon. She did. She stayed all weekend at my place, by herself.
I’m nearing the end of my rope. I do love her, but I don’t feel like she’s being respectful of my needs and requests. Not only that, but it’s costing me money. I work 10-12 hours a day, or more. Usually, I turn my heat way down during the day to save money. The apartment under mine keeps my place plenty warm while I’m gone, and it only takes a few minutes to bring the heat in my place up when I return home. Now, my heat is running all day, everyday, and apparently even when I’m out of town. She gave me money once, at the beginning of December, but nothing since. My heating bill was $200 last month, and I know it could have been half that if she wasn’t at my place all day everyday. I don’t want to ask for money because I know she’s not working, and stressed financially, at the moment. I try to look at it as my way of helping her out in a time of need. I don’t know how much longer I can maintain that perspective, though. This is really beginning to affect my feelings about our relationship.
Am I the asshole?
TL;DR My girlfriend stays at my place 24/7 for weeks at a time, even though I’ve told her I need a night or two to myself every once in a while.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
yFaPohknNCFPTiKuopnS7eX15Y3jEy85
|
aqjcqa
|
{
"description": "not buying my gf a valentines day card",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for not buying my gf a valentines day card
|
Pretty simple, I'm not a massive fan of cards, I think they area waste of money and only to be used if you aren't there when they open it. Not really a fan of valentines day either as it is solely a money pit and there to make businesses profit.
This doesn't mean I do nothing, I say happy valentines, take her out for lunch and just have a nice day.
She's a bit more into it, buys me a card and a small trinket every year but then is always dissapointed and upset when I don't buy her a card.
Been together 10 years and I feel like at the start I went against my own beliefs to make her happy by buying cards and presents for her. And now that I don't she believes I don't care/dont love her any more.
She knows my thoughts on the matter.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
CdR9TuVSgiD5Q4f0pjuGAUxgZdxhTxho
|
azj9zh
|
{
"description": "not staying home when my husband was sick",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not staying home when my husband was sick ?
|
This is sparked by the recent post. Everyone overwhelmingly said YTA, so I'm questioning myself.
​
It's winter here and every time I want to go out we end up canceling for some reason. It's too cold. Being lazy. We are doing something tomorrow. Plenty of times I still want to go out, but I stay in because I enjoy spending time with my husband. In the past few months we've barely gone anywhere. I work from home and my husband works from home at least 2 days a week. Sometimes for several days I only leave the house to take the dogs out.
​
We used to go to karaoke every Thursday night at my favorite bar. I planned with our friend for us all to go to karaoke. My husband said yes at the time. The day arrives and when he gets home from work I tell him she wants to meet up there at 10pm(when karaoke starts). I could tell by the look on his face he had forgotten or plain did not want to go, but he said okay.
​
No mention of being sick at all. I made dinner- pasta and soup with a questionable yogurt. After dinner, he says his stomach hurts. I ask, do you think it was the soup ? No, he didn't eat any soup, but he ate a lot of pasta. No mention of the 2 shots of whiskey he did on an empty stomach. After dinner, I asked him if he wanted water, medicine, canned chicken soup to settle his stomach, or anything else. No.
​
At 9pm, I ask him if he still wants to go to karaoke. He says his stomach still hurts. I assume he doesn't want to go. I ask again if he needs anything. Nope. I said okay I am going to get ready.
​
As I'm about to leave, he says wait you're not still going ? I said yes I am I don't want to cancel on our friend within an hour and I said I was going to get ready. He says "you are going to leave your sick husband at home alone instead of taking care of him ?" Like... yes. He is likely going to pass out in 30 minutes and even if he doesn't he was watching a show I don't like so we would be sitting in separate rooms doing separate things.
​
He says fine then he will go too. He falls asleep in the car on the way there. At the bar he ends up drinking A LOT. We were on our 2nd drink when our friend got there and they did a lot of mini shots.
​
Before our friend gets there he is insisting he can barely stand up, but refuses to sit on a stool. He says if he gets worse, we NEED to go home. When our friend arrives he asks her if his head feels hot and doesn't he seem sick ? She said "why aren't you sleeping in bed at home ?" He doesn't say anything, looks at me and stops mentioning being sick. The rest of the night was normal drinking and singing. We leave right after our song at around 12.15am. Husband falls asleep in the car ride home.
​
Next day he is not sick at all. Doesn't even mention feeling sick. And when I asked he said no with some attitude. So AITA ? Should I have stayed home ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
1qKhOLBp1RvvLYgIxKtnuuWqMFYpuuK4
|
ap1gzr
|
{
"description": "asking for gas money for driving people home who live on my way",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking for gas money for driving people home who live on my way?
|
My wife and I have 3 kids who are 7, 5 and 3 years old. My brother babysits for us, which is a huge help, on average once a week, as he only works Tues-Thurs and he conveniently lives around the corner. I should mention that they are very well behaved and are low maintenance kids to watch.
My brother and I also work in close proximity to each other, about a 5 minute drive, which is about 30 mins from our homes, depending on traffic.
He recently got this job and since he doesn’t have his license and I wanted to help him out, I offered to drive him home when he works as we start at different times but both finish at 5:00pm. I would obviously never ask him for gas money because he helps us out with the kids.
However, he then offered 2 of his coworkers rides home, who are basically on the way, but didn’t consult me so I was pretty much forced to agree to it, which is fine but I feel he should have asked me first.
So the one guy lives 5 minutes from our neighbourhood and the other guy lives way past us but I drop the coworkers off together and the one guy takes the bus the rest of the way home, I then drop off my brother.
When I brought up that maybe they should be chipping in, my brother disagreed and said that they were on the way and it’s only 3 days per week and he’s uncomfortable asking them. They did offer and my brother told them not to worry about it at first, but when it came up again I made it clear to everyone that it would be fair for them to chip in, nothing crazy as this carpool situation is unique as it’s only 3 days per week and I don’t even drive one guy all the way home. Also, if I want to make a stop on the way home I can’t because they’re with me, and I can sometimes leave work early but I can’t when I have to drive them home.
It should also be noted that when they don’t have a ride it takes 3 buses and over an hour to get home from work.
Sorry for rambling but AITA for wanting his coworkers to chip in for gas?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
FEDueFzNC0ixjXORMt8NYoFUknY9se7s
|
aspe02
|
{
"description": "not standing up for friends when my boss talks smack about them",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not standing up for friends when my boss talks smack about them?
|
So background: I live in a smaller community where it is common for a lot of people to know the same people as you do. I got a new job a few months back and I know some friends that has worked with my boss before and he is notorious for talking smack about everyone. He's talked smack about people I really look up to and I feel like crap every time I don't say anything, even though I know it wouldn't do any good if I did. Plus I don't want to risk my job. Besides he's leaving in August so I won't be dealing with it much longer.
What are your thoughts reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
JcIcAzyRJ4gwfcy0do6DuszF93S1JD8S
|
b01xst
|
{
"description": "\"overshadowing\" my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 172,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For "overshadowing" my girlfriend?
|
I am a social neanderthal. I have absolutely no people skills whatsoever, zero charm and normal situations in which regular people interact daily are completely foreign to me. I have anxiety disorder and I'm not fully convinced someone didn't slam my soft spot as a baby.
I've been dating my girlfriend, who we'll call Amy, for a little over a year. Amy is probably more of an introvert than an extrovert, but still much more social than I am and has a good group of friends and doesn't dread going out in public. Over the course of our relationship she's been trying to help me become less anxious and more outgoing, which has been hit and miss. Somehow she manages to tolerate my shut-in nature and we've had a great relationship despite it.
This past friday Amy wanted to go hang out with a large group of her friends at a bar, and wanted me to come. Most of whom I've only met briefly in passing, the rest who I've never met and have only heard about me through Amy. Basically my worst nightmare, but I figured I owed it to her to try it rather than refusing yet again.
On the way there, Amy was giving me a pep talk and telling me to just be myself, do what comes naturally and "let loose." We arrive, I survive introductions and sit quietly while everyone talks until the boyfriend of Amy's best friend brings up urban exploration, which I love. No one else at the table is interested, so I mention I am. This leads to me and him having a great talk about it with everyone else chiming in, and I started to feel more comfortable and kept the conversation flowing and engaged others at the table for a few minutes.
I noticed Amy had gotten quiet, so I quietly asked if she was ok got a very reassuring "mhm" which I took in the moment as her just letting me keep up my momentum since others tried to include her too with no luck. I tried numerous times to bring her in on the talk but she was pretty quiet. When we all left, people were asking for my number, joking with Amy about having to bring me again next time and how I'm a good guy, it felt pretty great.
She was silent until we got home. When I finally pried out of her what was wrong, she accused me of "one-upping her" and "completely overshadowing her." Apparently I had taken over the conversation. I told her I was only doing what she asked of me, and since people kept talking to me I kept answering them, and that they talked to me that much because they wanted to get to know me but already knew her. She told me she wasn't expecting me to "be that social and take the spotlight" and that it ruined the evening for her, and now I'm even more reluctant to go back for another meet-up.
I don't know what I did wrong, but I also don't know social etiquette enough to trust my own judgement. I tried to bring her in on the talk or shift the focus to her multiple times but she wasn't having it, and I thought I was only doing what she asked of me for months. Did I fuck up here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
HsBtHJBS5FWtK1r0Du7yWLZUfO8zUK1q
|
9yvck2
|
{
"description": "dating a friend's old hook up",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I dated a friend's old hook up?
|
My friend, who I will call Mike, and I went on an international trip with students from several other colleges. Pretty early on in the trip cliques were formed and after a day or two of flirting it was obvious who was going to be hooking up with who for the duration of the trip. We ended up befriending and hooking up with two girls that also happened to be really close friends.
The four of us hung out as we travelled around and it become pretty obvious (to me and her at least) that myself and the girl he was hooking up with (let's call her Rachel) were much more compatible than Mike and Rachel. But things were already kind of in place and the trip was only about 10 days long so no sense in rocking the boat.
Mike and I go to the same school, Rachel and her friend another. Although both universities are only about 3 hours apart. So not inconceivable a relationship could work over that distance. Anyway, Mike and Rachel attempted to pursue something after the trip was over. It fizzled out quickly because Rachel wasn't that into it.
However, at this point Rachel and I start talking often and getting close. Everything stayed very friendly because I was weary of being the asshole and pursuing a friend's old flame. But after several months of on again off again communication it's pretty clear we're both into each other. It's been almost a year since the trip and whenever Mike and I reminisce about it he sort of mentions something like "Damn, I wish things would have worked out with Rachel. She was really cool." Don't think he still has feelings for her but more he just wishes things played out differently.
Last piece of additional context: he has pursued ex girlfriend's of mine. He's always asked respectfully and I've never cared.
So I'm wondering, is there a statue of limitations on pursuing a girl that my friend has been with? WIBTA if I pursued her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
bYYgPgaZUO0LukNiWOvc6OxZnF4IHCN3
|
asvi4h
|
{
"description": "not letting my grandma into the bathroom while I was using it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not letting my grandma into the bathroom while I was using it?
|
Alright I was in the bathroom at 1:30 am, taking a bath and stuff, I tend to take really long baths and i've tried being better about it, but it's a coping mechanism thing so I do what I can. My grandma needed to use the bathroom while I was just finishing up, getting dressed etc. I told her that I needed 30 seconds to finish getting dressed when she tried unlocking both bathroom doors (I have 2 doors to the bathroom) this ended up making me take longer (as I had to re-lock the bathroom doors several times). She did not like that and started yelling at me to let her in (while I was still half-dressed) I told her that she needed to respect my privacy and to please wait 30 more seconds. This whole situation spiraled out of control and I refused to talk to her for the rest of the night. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
1RhgAuYbRpMijhe1A4SUlJqKHB5mPBZc
|
aeqibd
|
{
"description": "getting upset for a girl talking to someone else",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for getting upset for a girl talking to someone else?
|
So this is a real long and stupid story, get ready.
​
Basically I met this girl on tinder a while ago, she was visiting her family and she actually lives in another state, so i thought that was the end of it, i still talked to her though. Turns out shes moving back here in 3 months, so we kept talking, realized we both really like each other. We've been talking for 10 days now or so, and we are already planning to start dating once she moves out her.
​
When we first started talking she mentioned this other guy \[phillipe\] (whom lives in the town she lives in now) and that she was kinda talking with him. Today i jokingly asked "hows \[phillipe\]" and she told me that shes still kinda talking to him and that he was gonna call her tonight, we were in a call (ft) at the time.
​
So I just got upset really, and I told her this, her explanation is that she goes days without talking to him, while we talk pretty much all day every day. She said its not like their dating, but we both know he likes her, and hes most likely flirting with her. So it just hurt me to know that shes still talking to this guy after we've been so serious and kinda intimate.
​
AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
Zd2gBRyIuQC9rqabksd4gtu6m8L9PFZ6
|
ayt64d
|
{
"description": "suing an ex friend for $20k because of them disrespecting me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA to sue an ex friend for $20k because of them disrespecting me?
|
Story: I met someone who I became very close friends with. Honestly, in hindsight without all this bullshit, one of the best friendships I ever had. She was a struggling make up artist and so never had any money in the bank, ever. One day she asked for a loan of $500 and I gave it to her. When she asked for bank details, I told her not to worry about it while she was struggling. Because I genuinely did care for this person, more than what I probably should have, over the course of 12 months I have went through bank statements to find out I have helped her to the tune of around $15000. Car payment here, rent there etc etc. It seems to have all added up. She always told me she would pay me back when she got on her feet financially or that she would find a way to make it up to me.
​
I make $150,000 a year as a network administrator and have no debts or any big ongoing expenses. I therefore save and have a lot of money so I am just making this clear to save the comments about "omg so much money, you're an idiot" etc. I KNOW THIS!
​
And now, I feel like a failure. How can someone who you've helped so significantly cut you off and act like you don't exist? Go out of their way to block you on all social media? She always told me how much I'd "saved her life". Have so little disrespect for you they then screw your best friend? Have you pay for a car deposit and not even bother to find the time to come and take you for a drive in it? Honestly, it could go on and on, but imagine a way someone could disrespect you, and it has happened to the nth degree. I'm not trying to say this all happened at once, it happened over a period of time but again given how much I cared for the person and my lack of respect I still allowed it to happen and help but regardless she never paid me back or even did anything to "make it up to me.". I feel like the biggest loser I feel like I'm too embarrassed to even tell people what's happened. The depressive part of this situation has really gotten to its peak with me.
​
Legally: I spoke to a lawyer, and they agree there is common law equity to recover the money. He believes the evidence can establish these elements, and although he said it really depends on the judge that is put on, it is worth a shot at filing the paperwork. He says that over 50% of the people who he sues never even bother to respond to the complaint, so the merit of the case doesn't matter and it goes to a default judgement anyway. For me it's not even about the money, but the principle.
​
Please Reddit help. This dilemma has been living in my mind rent free for months now and has been eating me alive. I'm sorry if the "disrespect" part isn't really clear I am just in huge emotional clout at the moment.
​
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
fnmct1wKGjdzyLn3CFRz1wmUAYbZ3ozw
|
apota8
|
{
"description": "not letting my ex see my dog after we broke up",
"pronormative_score": 34,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not letting my ex see my dog after we broke up?
|
So to pre-face, my ex of 5 years broke up with me in late november. While we were dating, I moved out of my parents house and had been wanting to get a dog, so I did. I paid for her, got her shots, and did most of the training. My ex wasn’t living with me at the time, but she stayed over a lot. She would always call the dog hers or ours which I didn’t mind because she was there for when she was a puppy and all of that.
Fast forward 3 and a half years later, we started living together and taking care of the dog equally. Basically splitting chores like taking her outside and picking up dog food. Then she broke up with me. I decided I would be nice and still let her see the dog ever-so often. I finally realized that I would never be able to fully get over her if I didn’t do no contact because I still love her a lot. She thinks I’m doing this to be an asshole to her, but it’s completely for my well-being. She texted me recently to see her and I deleted the text. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
HwXu25hdaAXyKrSoxKxXWFI4W3GY8WlQ
|
aqzkxl
| null |
AITA or evil step mom to my so’s cats?
|
My So and I got into a fight about his cats. He thinks I’m the evil step mom that doesn’t care for them.
We moved in together last year with his two cats and my dog. I am allergic to cats but my so is self conscious about it and takes a lot of measures in order to curb my allergies which I appreciate. We pretty much have a zoo going on and there is a lot of maintaining and cleaning of the house which I do most of. I knew what I was signing up for. I love animals and don’t care about the extra clean up. One of his cats on occasion will pee/poop in places and also tear up my furniture. The destruction is what gets to me a little bit.
Admittedly the allergies have gotten pretty bad after 3 years and I’ve just stepped back with giving the cats physical attention. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night from them and lose sleep over it. To be completely honest, I haven’t been my enthusiastic animal mom self to them as I have in the beginning.
This morning, 10 mins after we wake up my so was hiding the fact that something happened to the couch and I walk over and he says “it’s either mud or poop. Gravey (my dog) must have tracked it in” and I say “that looks like poop”. That was apparently a trigger for me blaming this on his cats because they are the ones who poop inside the house. My very self conscious so doesn’t necessarily fly off the handle but he shifts to trying to make me feel bad from it and says “did you clean up gravey’s shit outside yet?” Not to mention, I constantly clean up after him and do 90% of household chores.
For him to intentionally ask this question knowing that I didn’t do it yet pissed me off. His intention was to paint me like an asshole and divert from his weird self induced drama he was creating himself (I was not mad at the “poop” on the couch. I was just stating the fact)
He then proceeds to tell me that I’m an evil step mom that doesn’t treat the cats equally like I do my dog. I don’t greet them the same, don’t give them enough attention etc I have withdrawn a little which I feel bad about but I don’t think I deserved to be called an evil step mom over it?
I want to know if I’m the asshole here? I genuinely want to know because I have noticeably withdrawn from the cats. I wish he would have approached it differently.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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WQTdw9lfBuQdRoZ3FLR2X7rJ5DUwqP9a
|
b4e2eu
| null |
AITA
|
I've never posted on reddit before but I really want to get this off of my chest. When I was 16, I moved across the city with my father away from the area where I grew up. The area where I had all of my best friends, all of my family and all of my childhood memories. My father was marrying a girl who had 2 children of her own and lived in a tiny, 3 bedroom apartment. Eventually my father's mother (I refuse to call her my grandmother anymore) moved in with us. My father's gf got pregnant and we had 7 people living in this tiny apartment. I shared a room with 2 young boys and I hated my home life. To top it off I hated my school as well. I felt isolated and alone, never making friends and always missing what I had left behind. To make matters even worse, we had fallen into hard times and I was charged rent to live there because they couldn't afford to feed me without help.
A couple months before I turned 18 I decided that I wanted to move in with my grandparents, who lived in the area where I grew up. I would be able to spend time with my old friends and be able to spend time with the other side of my family before I left to join the military at the end of the summer. I also believed I'd be doing my father a favor as I wouldn't be an economic burden on them anymore. I talked to my father's mother about it, and she flipped out and called me a selfish person and a fake Christian. She told me that I had no respect or regard for their needs, and she informed me that I was charged rent because they really, really needed the money, and that she couldn't believe that I would just bail on the family like that.
When my father came home, I asked him to go on a car ride with me and I told him what I wanted. He was hurt and disappointed but told me that if it was really what I wanted, I could move over the Spring Break as I had planned. (I chose Spring Break because I didn't want to miss any school and transitioning wouldn't be too hard).
The next morning, my dad takes me to school (which is odd because I worked most mornings). On the way, his tone shifted from the kind, understanding tone that he'd had the night before and into one of confrontation and anger. He told me that he could not believe that I would show such blatant disrespect for him and the family, and that I was going to piss my life away without his help. He told me that if I was going to fck him over like this, then fck me and fck my grandparents for allowing me to "disrespect" him like this. He cussed me out and when I told him that he was really hurting my feelings, he told me to "shut the fck up and stop being such a little b!tch." When we arrived at my school I simply told him that I had been considering staying with him, but now I was definitely going to leave. He then told me to get the f*ck out of his car.
I was kicked out that day and I don't know if I deserved it or not. Is there something I'm not understanding?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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VFoxc4Xk3vahL3m6jRBPBCjyOahANmpt
|
b9vyrl
| null |
AITA? NEIGHBORS
|
AITA? I live in a townhome complex and we are on the end. Our neighbor girl shes probably 10ish, shes notoris for looking in our windows and playing around our door which makes my 11 year old dog go mad.
We have lived here for 2 years and never said anything about it because my husband and I worked most the day and when we didn't we were out doing other stuff. I had a baby 8 months ago and we told our neighbors just to say if you can hear him cry let us know and we will work something out. So for a while their daughter was leaving us alone.
Im a stay at home mom now and now she and her friend have been coming around again making my dog bark like crazy waking up my son during naps. My husband told me we were moving soon dont rock the boat. Well today I got him to sleep, hes been particularly cranky lately and has begun to teeth. So any nap for him, for as long as I can get I enjoy.
During his nap I saw my neighbor and her friend going back and forth from our garage to our front door. It bugged me but they were being quiet so I didn't do anything. Well next thing they were knocking on my door. My dog goes crazy, my son wakes up crying. I go open the door and I nicely and calmly say "I need you guys not to knock on my door because my dog will bark and you'll wake my baby. But thank you." They had written on some sticky notes some nice things and drew pictures.
Now I feel bad because they werent going anything malicious but im dealing with a crying baby. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
4lDeOmNnklx38fO9w9x0x01pwM4kgQNw
|
a6bc4y
|
{
"description": "threatening divorce to get my way",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITAH for threatening divorce to get my way?
|
My wife is somewhat controlling but recently I’ve discovered her kryptonite! Every time she i want to do something and she is against it I threaten divorce and she backs down. I even went so far as to leave some signed divorce papers around once and she was nice to me for a month.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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ava5fh
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{
"description": "giving my terminally ill sister an ultimatum on adopting her children",
"pronormative_score": 61,
"contranormative_score": 57
}
|
AITA for giving my terminally ill sister an ultimatum on adopting her children
|
Background: religion has always been a touchy subject in my family. I'm treated as the "black sheep" of the family for being anti-religious, and come from a family of 6 kids (same parents) of Roman Catholic background. I'm also the only one among my siblings who doesn't have a criminal record, or doesn't live off the state (i.e. welfare), or have a child out of wedlock.
​
My 2 younger brothers are living with my parents, and 2 of my older sisters live in other countries (don't miss them; both are living off the state's good graces in Minnesota, last I checked). One of my older sisters, Ada, is suffering from terminal cancer (Hodgkins, spread to the liver and bone marrow). My two younger brothers have been basically taught to hate me "because I refuse to join them in heaven one day" along with the other two sisters that live in the US. Ada is probably the only sibling to treat me decently, but she's quite well indoctrinated. Her husband left her 3 years ago to start a "sales business" in the EU, which was basically a pyramid scheme.
​
My wife, sons (2, 4) and I live quite comfortably ($270,000/year, both of us are engineers), and moved up to Quebec, Canada. Ada has asked me to watch over her daughters (3, 4, 6) when she passes on, but has made a point of stipulating that her estate (about $320,000 tops, most paid for by our parents) will only be made available to me to pay for the girls' expenses, cost of living, etc.; if my wife and I "raise them proper".
​
While the girls are poorly behaved in general, they are kind girls, and I genuinely want them to prosper (out of compassion, and maybe some tribal/clan-line loyalty). My sons also love playing with them. However, taking on 3 extra kids with a "gun to my head" in terms of access to additional funds to raise them is unacceptable: I will **not** sacrifice the college funds and future of my own children, no matter the cost. I also won't tolerate asinine bigotry like religion in my house.
​
I told Ada, who has maybe 10 weeks left, she can either accept her kids will be loved and raised humanist/pastafarian/educated and go to college, or become burdens of the state, and she can leave her daughters' upbringing to the living while she makes her peace. After a thorough back-and-forth of logic-versus-platitudes, Ada exclaimed she'd "prefer her girls meet god before having to live with an asshole like you (me)".
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "muting my friend in an afk channel on a discord server then calling him autistic",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for muting my friend in an afk channel on a discord server then calling him autistic?
|
Heres some context
My relationship with this friend prior to this was already not that good because he always makes these racist asian jokes when I join the call and would continue making them when I'm in the call. Also he would keep moving me around the calls on the server so all I do is take his roles away for literally a second and give it back, but he always gets angry and just leaves.
One day he decided to go to the afk channel with these 2 other guys and unmutes themselves to talk. I saw this and I tried moving them out but they keep joining the AFK channel so I just server muted them until they moved out. The other two didn't really mind but the "friend" started calling me a cunt, asshole, and bitch on DM. His main argument is that this is a casual server with friends so he should be able to talk in AFK, and my main point is that this isn't a big deal: I've unmutes him and his friends and he can just talk on any channel on the server except for AFK, since that is for AFK people only. After some arguing I said "maybe the autism is getting to you but you should just relax and reflect on this when you've calmed down."
Remember, this guy has a history for dark and racist/offensive jokes/speech style, so I thought simply saying he's autistic wouldn't be much of a deal. (He would joke about down syndrome, autism, Asperger's, all kinda stuff all the time)
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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acq2vx
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{
"description": "breaking a classmates nose because he called me a \"worthless slut\"",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for breaking a classmates nose because he called me a “worthless slut”
|
Today at school, a guy that sits behind me in Calculus started whispering in my ear things that he had heard from fellow classmates from what happened at a party over the holiday break where I was sexually assaulted by two boys while I was black out drunk.
Things like:
“You wanted it slut”
“Care to add a third next time? 😉 “
“Lemme pound that puss, babe”
“Do you like them big? 😉 😉 “
These were all especially triggering for me because I didn’t consent to this sexual activity that took place. These two drunk guys basically r*ped me while I was black out drunk and someone opened the door and pulled them off me.
Then all this rumors started spreading the moment that we all got back from the break that I wanted it and that I requested it from them and that I’m a whore, a slurry, etc. I was never even given a chance to tell my wife of the story — which was that I went upstairs to play what I thought would be a couples’ game of King’s - a drinking game. And then they threw me on the bed and it all just happened like that so fast.
Anyways I have not reported it to the police since we were all underage drinking (obv) and I don’t wanna get in trouble; also they were stopped before orgasming and they also did wear condoms so I’m not worried about pregnancy or STDs.
So this fucking prick of a kid (actually he’s a pizza face loser) finally sets me over the edge whispering this BULSHITT in my ear, and I finally turned around, stood up out of my desk, and popped him, closed fist - straight in the nose.
Class had to be stopped and an ambulance was called because there was so much blood and his nose was def crooked after my hit.
I creeped his IG stories with one of my Finsta’s and he posted a photo of his crooked ass nose with a caption of “thots gonna get a lawsuit bitch”.
Was I in the wrong for doing this? I know violence is usually never the answer but I’m sorry I just had to show this mother fucker Thad sexual assault is not fucking cool or OK, ever.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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afb2m1
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{
"description": "getting mad at my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friend
|
So a little background info, Me and my friend (lets call her Brittany) have known each other for years and she just got out of a 2 year relationship. So she texted me last night and apologized for being so distant while she was with her boyfriend and that she wanted to catch up over drinks. I told her that sounded great and I would meet her at the bar when I got off work.
Fast forward, I get to the bar and shes pretty drunk hanging out with some girl friends she just met. I order a beer and we start talking and she is all over me. At this point I should tell you we are just friends and I wasn't expecting anything more than just talk, but we have fooled around in the past so I knew it wasn't off the table.
After a while she tells me she wants me to take her home so we can smoke. We were getting ready to leave when one of her new friends (Paige) stops me and tells me she will take Brittany home because she didn't know my intentions. I told Paige she was a good friend and handed her Brittany's phone and wallet and told her the address. I just went home and played some Overwatch with my friends and forgot about it.
About an hour later, Brittany texts me repeatedly telling me to come over and that she has something to show me. I started the 10 minute journey to her house and she proceeded to call me 3 times to make sure I was still coming. When I got there she answered the door in nothing but an untied bath robe and grabbed my hand and led me to her room. She opened her drawer and showed me a blunt she rolled and we sparked it up. About three minutes in she gets a call from someone and I wasn't trying to listen in to her conversation but I heard her say "but you have to come over because we were supposed to fuck tonight". At this point I just start laughing because I just realized how stupid I am. I wait for her to finish her call and tell her I'm going home. She asks why and I tell her "I'm not about to sit here and hang out with the guy you're about to fuck. I'm fine with just being your friend but you cant be doing this shit to me." and then I left.
AITA here for getting mad because I was too stupid to see what was actually going on?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ahpwgp
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{
"description": "telling my younger son that his older brother will take over my business one day, not him",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 106
}
|
AITA For telling my younger son that his older brother will take over my business one day, not him.
|
I have three children. A twelve year old daughter, a ten year old son, and a nine year old son.
I also have a family business. This was passed down to me by my father. I am the oldest of three boys, and my father gave said business to me and trained me to succeed him. My younger brothers assist me, but the business is mine and they respect my fathers wishes.
I am also old fashioned like my father. I believe the oldest son inherits the family business, and in many ways becomes the new "head" of the main family. The younger brothers are meant to help the older brother. As such, when my oldest starts reaching his teens, I will start showing him how things work.
And eventually when I retire (the day cant come soon enough) he will take my place and pass it on to his son. His younger brother would help him. I told my youngest son this, and my wife is very upset that I told him.
In her mind I am playing favorites and I am making my youngest feel excluded. I love all my kids very much, i would die for each of them right now. However, you can love people equally while acknowledging their separate roles. I love my daughter and wife equally but in different ways, and they each have their own roles and responsibilities.
Same way with my boys. Am I the asshole for telling them this?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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apc04f
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{
"description": "demanding an apology from my boyfriend's mother",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for demanding an apology from my boyfriend's mother?
|
**TL;DR at bottom**
First off, just a little background. My (18F) boyfriend (19M) have been together for going on two years now. We're both in college and we both live with our own parents. However, I hit some rough times with my family and I lived with his family (and paid rent to them) from April 2018-November 2018 until I patched things with my parents and moved back home. My BF's parents have always been really, really controlling. Anytime he wants to do something that they don't like, they threaten to not pay for his college (that they pay a whopping $1k a year for, thanks to the many scholarships my BF earned). Keep this in mind, its relevant a little later.
​
Now fast forward to today. My BF and I took my younger brother to a "fancy" grocery store near us to get some muffins that my brother really likes for brunch. We bought a 4 pack and my brother ate his, but my BF and I brought the other 3 back to his house. We accidentally left them on the kitchen counter for a few hours, so I asked my BF to go grab them. He saw that someone had eaten one, so he just asked who had eaten it and apparently his younger (14F) sister had. NBD, right? We had an extra one anyway. So he came back upstairs with the two remaining muffins, handed them to me, told me what had happened, then walked to the bathroom. A minute or two later, his mother comes storming upstairs, screaming. She barges in and starts screaming at me. This is how the conversation went:
​
Mother: *sister* is in her room crying because you were mean to her
Me: Why are you screaming at me? What's going on?
Mother: Here's your fucking two dollars for the fucking muffin, bitch. \*THROWS money at me\*
Me: What's going on??? Why are you yelling at me?? \*Throws money back at her\*
Mother: Ungrateful bitch.
​
At this point, BF comes back into the bedroom and tries to diffuse the situation. His mother continues to scream at him. From this point, it continued to escalate, but not really involving me. His dad comes up, screams at him about being disrespectful (neither of us had been disrespectful, and we're both confused as to why this is even happening), and threatens to stop paying for his car insurance and college. Not even threatened really, just said that he wouldn't pay either of those anymore. My BF and I left and went elsewhere, but now I've told him that I will not go back to his house at all until his mother apologizes to me. He's pissed off at me because he says that I'm making this worse for him because I'm putting him in the middle. So, reddit, AITA?
​
TL;DR: BF's little sister ate something of ours, asked about it, mom flipped screamed at me even though I had nothing to do with it and now I want her to apologize. BF is mad at me and thinks that I should just get over it.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aml0zy
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{
"description": "laughing at my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA because I laughed at my friend?
|
so in class two days ago, my friend (I will call him D) sat at another table than usual. I wanted to catch him off guard with a picture and he never usually minds it. so I call out “D is this what we are doing?” and he turns around as I take a picture. after class, he comes up to my other friend at my table (this friend is R). D snatches R’s phone and says “you’re recording me” while R was not even using the camera. R shoved him a little and said “I wasn’t recording you, you retard!” just seeing my friends yelling and getting mad in class I start to laugh. D pushes R and swings at him and then says “don’t call me a retard” and then he heard me laughing. D comes up to me and says “you think this is funny?” why lie? so I just said that I thought it was very funny and he stances up like he was going to fight. I am probably twice his muscle mass and he is my friend so instead of instigating I said “I know you aren’t going to hit me so just calm down” and he walks away and I just laughed at the situation in general (i am always joking or laughing about something so this is not unusual). then, as I try to calm down after laughing almost to the point of tears, some random girl that I’ve talked to once gets in my face (more like my torso; she was 5’5” or so and I am about 6’) and tells me that she will punch me in the face. I told her that I wasn’t even part of it and to mind her business. she just keeps coming with names and telling me she will fight me. being a non-serious person, I jokingly pretended to be scared of the short being in front of me and then she backed off and I said “laughing at my friends is so bad all of a sudden.” then, some other guy in my class tells me if I was friends with him I would apologize. again, I didn’t call him a retard or fight with him, all I did was laugh.
later that day, I messaged D and said that if he was mad at me for some reason that I was sorry and he just denied that I was. I still don’t understand what I would have to be sorry for in the first place. I didn’t call him names or steal his phone, and it’s not like R was recording him or anything, there was one picture taken (just like I do to all of my friends, including D). AITA in any way in this situation? There is a chance that everyone thought I was calling D names and stuff, but I would think that the fact that R was getting swung at was a giveaway that he did it.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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amulvu
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{
"description": "not wanting my ex in my life anymore",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my ex in my life anymore?
|
Alright well to start this off, this is my first post to reddit at all and i've wanted to see what other people think of this. So a bit of background, i'm a college student (17), i'm apathetic and i'm a transgender man. This is happened when i was experimenting with my sexuality and i now know i'm definitely gay. Anyhow, around a year ago me and my partner (who i'll call T from now on) broke up after a 10 month long and awful relationship, i'll start from the beginning. Sorry if this is long.
​
Early 2017, i was asked out T, i had known them for a few years. They were a writer and i'm an artist, we went together perfectly and the relationship was going smoothly for a few months, but then it started going downhill. They started saying that i should stop talking to my friends because they weren't 'good influences' (friends i had known for longer than i'd known them), demanding i block them. I argued against this with T, saying i would not remove my friends from my life just because they didn't like them. I tried to talk to T about this but they didn't listen and constantly changed the conversation topic.
A few months pass, with repeating arguments and issues. T didn't like me spending time with anyone but them. And if i was out with family or friends, i HAD to be messaging them the entire time. To the point where i couldn't go a few minutes without a "where are you???". Again i tried to talk to T about this but they wouldn't listen. If i kept pressing they'd begin guilt tripping me with harsh words, threats. A lot of post-argument conversations that have left a permanent mark on my mind. I wanted this relationship to work because they had been my best friend for a while before we started dating. T also wanted this relationship to work, but it seems more like they wanted a boy toy more than anything.
Now not long after this, i ran into a major issue with them. I'm not exactly skinny, and i started working out and changing my lifestyle to become healthier, and mainly to relieve some gender dysphoria with my figure.
T didn't like this.
They sparked a massive argument, saying that my body is fine the way it is, saying i shouldn't get surgery or testosterone shots because they loved my 'femininity' and that if i became more masculine, i wouldn't be attractive. They argued that point the entire time.
Now as an extremely dysphoric transman, this made it so much worse. They admitted they only were attracted to me because i had a feminine body. I felt like breaking down and crying. In the end i just closed the conversation and had to message my friends to calm me down.
The next day, as usual, they tried to talk to me as if nothing happened.
It was about 7 months in i was thinking about breaking up with them. It was on my mind 24/7, i hated being in this relationship and realized how toxic it was. It wasn't until our 10 month anniversary that the day came, but instead they broke up with me. They said i had become distant, that they felt like i had been pushing them to the side (apparently talking to them from waking up until passing out at 3/4am wasn't good enough). I was relieved. I said that i understand and i apologized for being distant (although not very sincerely).
My life started getting better, i came out to my mum and most of my friends (the others already knew). I got better grades, exams were starting, all was good.
But about 5 months after we broke up, i started noticing some things. Specifically on my instagram story. The view number would change by one every now and then, but i took it as a glitch. It wasn't until an old mutual of ours said that T had been stalking my social media to 'check up on me', and that they'd made an account specifically to follow me without me knowing. They had been looking and blocking me so it doesn't show up on the viewer list. I then decided to upload on my story (something petty, vague mentioning them so others wouldn't know but they would. Sure enough mutual had said they saw it and i got to business.
I messaged T saying that i'd appreciate it if they stopped, not mentioning the mutual at all as i didn't want to get them involved. T instantly messaged back that they were just "checking up on me" and that they thought they were being a good person by doing it but "clearly not :/" This went back and forth, me saying how i didn't feel safe and them attempting to guilt trip me into feeling bad for them. It went something like this:
​
T: I thought i was being good by checking up on you, but clearly you're doing fine.
Me: Please T, our relationship wasn't a healthy one and what you're doing isn't healthy either,
T: I guess we had different views on it then. I never wanted to stop talking, but you just stopped as if nothing had happened. I hate that you're happy
Me: I'm sorry but i'm autistic and you know that effects how i show emotion, you know i'm not empathetic.
T: I hate that you're so emotionless about this, it hurts to see you happy.
​
After a long convo, i just said that i'm blocking them on everything, that i knew about the fake account and that i'll be blocking it too. T finally caved in, but not without calling me an asshole and throwing insults at me. It's been about 7 months since that, but it's still plaguing my mind.
Am i an asshole for not wanting them in my life anymore?
​
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aoimn0
|
{
"description": "throwing my roommate's plates away",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA for throwing my roommate’s plates away?
|
Hey guys,
I share a room with this girl that I don’t really talk to. As in, we share a bedroom (oh the funs of living at university accommodation). We are cordial and all, but I barely even know her last name. I can only contact her through Instagram, as she doesn’t have Facebook and has always “forgotten” to give me her number.
Anyways, she was eating in the room on I think Friday evening, and then left her plates with food on them on her table. I get it, we all have days when we just can’t deal with it, I didn’t bring it up, thought she’d clean it in the morning. It also didn’t smell, so I don’t mind. Next morning, when I woke up she was asleep, and by the time I got back from breakfast she was gone. The plates weren’t. When I came home that night she was already asleep and so I couldn’t bring it up. I went over to her side to turn the lights off, and one of the bowls was soaked in water, with the remnants of the food just floating in there. Gross, but I thought I would let her know in the morning.
In the morning she was already gone, and she didn’t come back until Wednesday. So on Tuesday I messaged her asking to clean it up, because I don’t wanna get bugs or mice (which are very common in London). She said she would the next time she comes home.
She came home Wednesday, didn’t clean it up. I didn’t say anything, as I didn’t see her again. Today morning I left her a note on her mirror to clean it up. When I came home a few hours later, she crumpled up the note and threw it away. Plates still there.
They are so disgusting at this point that I will definitely not clean them. Fuck that.
Would I be the asshole for throwing them away? I would wait one more day probably. They are so annoying by now. And gross.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b04cn9
|
{
"description": "not wanting my sister as my bridesmaid",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting my sister as my bridesmaid?
|
To preface, I am not currently engaged, but I am helping my best friend plan her wedding so the topic of weddings came up at home when I was talking to my sister about the arrangements. Also I am on mobile, so I apologize for formatting.
So I got home from my friend’s house, and I was looking through Pinterest for centerpiece ideas for her wedding as I am helping out quite a bit. My sister (who was over doing some laundry) saw me and jokingly asked if I was already planning my wedding (knowing that I was helping my friend plan hers). I told her I was trying to find centerpieces for my friend, and then I had to go pick up the bridesmaids dresses from the shop.
Out of nowhere my sister starts talking about how when I get married then she wants to pick out her own dress because “if I’m going to be the maid of honor I want to stand out” and kept going on about it. I politely told her that when/if I get married I already have my bridesmaids picked out, and she isn’t one of them. I only want three bridesmaids, and I already know who they are.
My sister started screaming at me and saying that she has every right to be a part of my wedding, and it isn’t fair that I won’t even have her as a bridesmaid even though she feels she should be the maid of honor. I reminded her that I’m not even engaged, nor will I be in the near future, and that I have the right to choose who I want in my wedding, and she lost it and started to call our parents and complain.
This evening my mother called me and said that I was being insensitive and should include her in my hypothetical wedding, and apparently my father agrees. I pointed out that I’m not even engaged and that it would be my wedding and therefore my choice, and now my whole family is apparently mad at me.
So am I the asshole for not wanting her to be in my hypothetical wedding?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
atitsh
|
{
"description": "not giving my group mates credit",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not giving my group mates credit
|
We were assigned a group project however we were all getting separate grades regarding the presentation. The only thing we had to work together on was a movie trailer for our presentation. That was literally the only thing we were getting graded on as a group, and they failed to contribute. Their slides still aren't done and we present on Monday. My slides are up to the top notch on the rubric and everything.
In regards to the trailer, I told them at the beginning of this project (2 months ago) that we needed to get it done because it'll take awhile to edit due to the fact that we all have 0 experience editing and I knew they'd fuck around.
Twice every week I'd propose a new plan to get together and film this shit to get it done. Each time I was blown off or told they were busy. It's ok to be busy but every single time I proposed it they shot me down.
Fast forward to Tuesday the 19th, and the Teacher tells us that the trailer is due on this upcoming Monday. I panic obviously, so Tuesday and Wednesday my group and I made plans to film and what do ya know, they don't show up. So late Wednesday I talked to my instructor and he said I could do the project by myself and get a single grade for it. I jump on the opportunity and now all my free time has gone towards filming. Today I go to edit and my group comes up and tell me we need to film ASAP. I told them that I already did mine and that it's not ok for them to have messed around and put me off for so long. I told them that they're not going to help me edit and they're not getting credit for it. And then they decided to tell me I'm a bitch and other names.
I, sadly, stayed in a neutral tone even though I wanted to throw them out of an airplane with no parachute.
Anyway, Was I the asshole to not give them credit?
TL;DR group members put me off and procrastinated, didn't help with project, I'm not letting them get credit for my work. AITAH?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "feeling bad about being privileged",
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|
AITA for feeling bad about being privileged?
|
Today, I was at a unity event hosted by my school, focused on race, gender and sexuality issues. I came ready to discuss, as I had been to this two years before and stayed quiet most of the time. We did some activities highlighting racism in my school, and we had a long, thought-out discussion. I was happy to contribute and speak my mind.
Later, we broke for lunch, and afterwards, we all got in a line, facing one way, shoulder to shoulder. We were told to follow instructions. Our leader read us statements like, "If your parents are still together, take one step forward." Others were something like, "If you've ever had to help your parents with the bills, take one step back." This went on for what seemed like a long time, and I noticed I was pretty far out in front of everyone. I started to feel huge amounts of embarrassment and shame, for no reason other than I was at the front of the pack. There were people at the very back too, and I felt bad for them as well.
Normally, I am a pretty vocal person, but I wasn't today. Being at the front made me feel bad and disgusted. I can't explain it. We talked a little bit about white guilt, and I guess that's what I'm feeling, but I don't think it's fair. I feel a large bit upset and singled out. The leaders said that tomorrow, we should come prepared to discuss some struggles that we have dealt with. It puts me in a weird position to talk about my struggles because people there will only see me as the guy that was at the front of the pack of people. No one said anything to me about it and I wasn't feeling bad from any of their actions, just overall a weird feeling.
In sum, Reddit, am I the asshole for feeling bad about being the one with the most privilege, and not wanting to share out because of it?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not wanting to hear my sister talk about her job",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hear my sister talk about her job?
|
So my sister works at a hardware store and when she comes home from work, she likes to talk about events that happened at her job that day. The problem is her job is boring as hell and not all that interesting to hear about. All her stories boil down to “a customer wanted to return something outside the return window and was rude about it” or “my coworker said this hilarious thing that is only funny if you work there”.
Now even though I dislike hearing her talk about her job, I’ve put up with it because that’s what you do for people you care about. It’s the only thing she’s got going on in her life, so I understand why that’s the only thing she ever wants to talk about. However, she is not willing to return the favour. Anytime I try to talk about my day or what’s going on in my life, she shuts it down right away. In her defence, I’m a physics major, and talking about my day usually involves talking about physics or stuff going on at the university, so I get why she’s uninterested. But considering that her job is just as uninteresting to me as my education is to her, I feel I shouldn’t have to listen to her ramble on about work if she’s not willing to do the same for me.
So my question just boils down to this: in this case, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
"description": "not being impressed with a five-generations picture",
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|
AITA for not being impressed with a five-generations picture?
|
First let me state, unequivocally, I have never stated my opinion on this to anyone except you lovely strangers, and I never would.
(TL;DR at the bottom)
Recently I was shown a group photo from my wife's side of the family. It shows great-great-grandmother, great-grandfather, grandmother, new mother, and infant. It's a good picture; everybody's smiling.
However, I'm less than impressed. And I'm generally okay that I probably won't be in a similar photo for a decade or more.
See - in order to get that five-generation photo, including various aunts and cousins, the following happened:
Grandmother got pregnant in high school and gave the baby to a Catholic adoption agency, then got with a different guy. Then started having babies with him.
Mother and Aunt both got pregnant in high school.
One married her boyfriend while a teenager.
The other made up a reprehensible accusation against a guy at school to keep her boyfriend from getting in trouble. When it became obvious that the guy she accused was innocent, she gave birth, and split up with the real father. He didn't get to be part of his daughter's life after she was a toddler.
Now the most recent generation's baby is from a boyfriend of about a year who was a rebound from the last boyfriend. In three of these generations, the boyfriends lived under the girlfriend's parents' roof, for at least a while.
I love my in-laws. I took care of those babies. I rocked my neices to sleep when their own fathers couldn't be bothered.
My wife and I dated through high school, dated through college, got engaged, got married, moved in together, then started having kids. My wife's the only one of her family who can say that. It seemed like the right order, at least at the time, and it wasn't always the easiest thing to do.
So, TL;DR - while I truly love everyone involved, I see my in-laws' five-generation photo as the result of some pretty horrible and selfish decisions and I'm not terribly impressed....
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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ahues1
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{
"description": "blocking my bestfriend on all social media and breaking up with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for blocking my bestfriend on all social media and breaking up with my girlfriend
|
So last week me and my friend were talking. He was telling me about everything he had been doing over christmas. Somewhere in there I heard my ex girlfriends name. So he said "on Christmas Eve I went to this huge party(at ex girlfriends house) and I got so drunk. Now at the time I had no clue about this.
So I get to my dorm and text my now ex girlfriend about it. She told me that I would not of cane even if I knew about it (not a very big party guy). I told her that that was still no excuse to not tell me. We got in a really long argument and sometime later she texted me that she and my bestfriend have been talking for a while.
So I broke up with her and now all my friends and her friends are texting me saying "Yourr such an asshole I hope you fucking die" and shit like that.
Am I the asshole?
(Sorry I'm a bad writer and not very good at expressing emotion)
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "cutting off my mean friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off my mean friend
|
First of all,I just want to clarify that this user isn't a bot,my name is so random because I know this person uses Reddit and goes on r/AITA so I don't want him to see this and have trouble at school tomorrow.Kay,now for the story.
I am 12yr male and I'm currently in 6th grade.I had been friends with this person since 3rd grade.Since we have gone to middle school I have met a new friend,well call him B.my old friend well call him A, has been really mean to B ever since I met him.
For X-mas I got a Nintendo switch and ssbu.A has asked to come over to play.I said no since he has been mean to B.AITA here?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "breaking up with my gf because she cries too much",
"pronormative_score": 9,
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|
WIBTA if I broke up with my gf because she cries too much?
|
I've been with my gf a couple of years. And we've been long-distance most of it because she entered med school about a year into the relationship. One of the things I vividly remember her telling me early in the relationship is she is very "low-maintenance" and that was one of the reasons I continued the relationship. Not to sound like I don't care or anything, but I want a partner who can take care of themselves. She has proven to be anything but low-maintenance in my opinion.
She seems so different from when I met her. I feel like she flat out does not know how to cope with adversity. She has been continually stressed since she started med school, and she just can't handle it on her own. Early in the relationship I would immediately call her when she told me was sad/crying, but now she cries about 4 times a week and expects me to have hour-long face times whenever she needs emotional support. Initially she got mad at me when I would tell her I don't have time (I'm in school too), but I eventually put my foot down and said that even though I cared about her I would not skip schoolwork for her and jeopardize both our futures. I told her if she could not handle that then I could not help her. She softened a lot when I told her that; maybe she was just surprised as I'm generally pretty passive. Since then, though, she gets went from aggressive to passive aggressive. She said it's fine to tell her that I'm busy or whatever and she will respect that, but from her tone and the way she texts I can tell she's really annoyed and implies I don't care about her.
I just feel like the relationship is not reciprocal by my own nature. I had a tough childhood and learned how to cope when things aren't going my way. I don't need other people to get me through my day. I feel like she just saps me of all my energy. After a long day at work or school she expects me to sit there for an hour while she cries and vents about how her preceptor is mean or her roommate plays loud music and she can't study or she is worried about exams or she misses me or she misses her friends from here. These are all things she cries about regularly. I have only been with one other girl, so I don't have a good feel for how normal this is but I have never cried to her about anything.
I know I've only complained, but I do really care about her and genuinely want her to succeed in life. I convinced her to start seeing a counselor and I guess it helps a little, but she has a weird thing with not wanting to take medication that I strongly think she needs. So basically she just vents to a counselor once a month or so, not much help IMO. She is a genuinely nice human being, we have a lot in common in terms of beliefs, politics, and so on, and she is very intelligent. Maybe there are other guys who like to feel like that bulwark for their gf and shield her and protect her, but I just find this draining. I don't want to be called at 11pm to hear her cry because she is feeling lonely for the 9th time that month. I want to just chill and talk about how our days went when we get home over text and then eat dinner and go to bed.
​
Now that school is out for me and I have some breathing room, I am seriously considering breaking up with her. At the same time, I feel guilty thinking about just leaving her stranded in med school with how much a struggle it is for her even with my emotional support. WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "wanting to cut ties with my friends",
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|
AITA for wanting to cut ties with my friends?
|
My friends only seem to have time for me when they need something or want advice.
We don't live close anymore, but I make 99% of the effort to get together and travel out to them. Thousands of miles on my car/food/gas.
Now I'm going through stuff, and my two "best" friends are hard to reach. I know we all have our own shit going on, and I go out of my way to care about their shit, but I think it's largely unreciprocated.
I don't want to be anticlimactic but I think it's just best to sever ties, cut contact, and move on. I don't think they'll notice for a while, and I don't think talking about it will do any good.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "telling my girlfriend of 4.5 years that I feel like she takes advantage of me",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I told my girlfriend of 4.5 years that I feel like she takes advantage of me
|
I'm posting this to get an outside opinion and see if I'm overreacting.
tl;dr - I feel as though once I do something nice, it is expected that I do that task in the future.
Girlfriend[26f] and I[26m] have lived together for about 2 years and have been together for a total of 4 and a half. I feel like my GF is self centered in a lot of ways and takes advantage of my kindness and somewhat uses me.
A few examples of what I mean
- Last night she was watching Netflix on our Smart TV and her legs were hurting so she wanted to do some stretching. She handed me the remote and asked me to find her yoga. Not a big deal there, I happened to hear a yoga program a few days ago that is one of those like 8 week mapped out programs with videos included. After the video she says I'm going to try to do this every day, cool, works for me. I told her I'll find the programming guide for her so she can see what videos she should watch every day. She tells me "no you can just put the video on and tell me okay this is what you're doing."
- She absolutely refuses to take partial responsibility to try and remember to take her birth control. I have to get it for her every night or else she doesn't/forgets to take it. Sometimes, even if I verbally remind her to go take it, she has me get it for her. I ask her why doesn't she make an effort to remember to take it herself and why is it always on me, she responds with "it isn't always on you, you give it to me and I take it"
- When she goes to bed she will always ask me to set her alarm for work on her phone and plug it in. This especially annoys me when she literally hands me her phone when shes done browsing Facebook or whatever and then asks me to do this. I understand it if her phone is on the dresser or something and I'm walking by and shes already in bed, but that to me is ridiculous.
- We don't often go to bed at exactly the same time (I'm full time getting my masters in CS, she works full time, I usually go to bed about an hour later or so) but sometimes when we do and I'm already in bed messing around on my phone or whatever and she is getting out of the shower she will get in bed without turning the light off and ask me to turn it off and turn on the fan. I usually make a big deal about this whenever it happens and ask her if shes serious...
I don't want it to come off as she treats me as her slave and just bosses me around all the time, I just feel that I get punished for my kindness, because all of these things (and others like it) I have done at some point not because I was asked, but just to be nice and it seems once I do something to be nice a couple of times it seems like its just expected that "oh okay this is your job now" and it just kind of frustrates me.
WIBTA if I brought up that I feel like I have a child rather than a GF? Obviously I would NOT phrase it this way, but that is honestly how I feel especially with stuff like the birth control and the alarm.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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|
{
"description": "calling my best friend a dick for ditching me at a date party",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling my best friend a dick for ditching me at a date party (that he was my date to)?
|
I asked my best friend, Brad, to be my date to a date party for one of our student orgs. Both of us recently had bad experiences with people we were talking to or interested in and therefore, neither of us had a date. I had never been to a dance before even in high school, so he knew how much this meant to me. We agreed to go and said after the bar opened up at 11 to the public (the bar was reserved from 9-11 for just our org), we could split up and dance with other people.
Fast forward to the night, within 15 minutes of us getting there, Brad leaves me to actively flirt and dance with another girl. He didn’t pay any attention to where I was or look for me at all till around 11 pm at which point, I had left to take another friend home because they were actively projectile vomiting. I wanted to be a supportive friend and be happy for Brad that he was talking to this chick, but I was mad that he couldn’t even last 15 minutes before leaving me as my date. He wouldn’t respond to his texts (which was reasonable since the bar was loud) so I left after failing to find him.
The next day, when I called him out on it, he said “if you want me to feel bad about this, I’m not going to. I only went with you as a date because I knew you’d have fun and you refused to go on your own. We took a few pictures and pregamed but there were so many singles at the bar, why would I wait till 11 pm to split up?” He also said “you got to take \_\_\_\_” home and I was happy for you”. Basically, acting as if taking my incoherently drunk friend home to take care of him was a “fun night"/ "hookup."
Eventually I got mad and called him a dick & an awful date for not taking my feelings into consideration. He then ignored me for a full week, which was out of the usual. When I messaged him to resolve things & apologize, he said he was mad because he "didn’t appreciate being called a dick" for doing something “we agreed to do” and that he wanted to go to the date party with “a friend and not \[his\] mom” and that I was being irrational about the whole thing and that agreeing to split at 11 was “a dumb idea.” He brought up how he was sad that the girl he was interested in had dumped him and that it was nice “having someone \[girl @ bar\] pay attention to \[him\] and not treat him like \[he\] was disposable.” At that point I felt pretty guilty because I wanted him to have fun, and was glad he and that girl were talking, but I just felt like he refused to see why I’d be upset about him leaving me
I was also more upset because another mutual friend of ours (whom he isn’t that close with) asked him to be her date to our formal the previous semester, and he stayed with her the whole night. I called him out on it and he said “well I’m not that close to her so I couldn’t say no, but I’m close with you so I don’t feel as bad turning you down.”
AITA for being upset about this entire situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not being above nepotism",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not being above nepotism
|
​
**AITA for not being bothered by the fact that I'm only getting promoted because I made a good impression on the head of my company and not because of my work ethic?**
​
^(Throwaway bc I'm paranoid that someone I work with will see this.)
​
I started a new job about 5 and a half months ago. It was a career change for me, so even though I'm \[super\] overqualified for my position, I was excited for the opportunity to be in a field that I actually wanted to eventually advance in.
​
I quickly realized that the head of our company is a giant flirt, so much so that people have quit because they were made to be uncomfortable by his behavior. I'm not the kind of person to be easily offended; if anything, I saw his approaching me to be nothing less than an opportunity, plus, he wasn't saying anything that was even remotely offensive.
​
I figured that engaging with him enough to make him like me, but not enough for him to think that I'm flirting back/not enough for him to have evidence (so to speak) that would backfire on me, there was no way that I could be hurt in this situation. I was going to milk this dude and make it so that I end up on top in the end.
​
Well, my plan worked. I found out that in a couple of weeks, I'm going to be promoted into an *actual* role (my position now is admin and this new role is, well, not). I'm definitely qualified to do it, but, again, I've only been here for a couple months and I haven't done much by way of proving myself. I know for a fact that I've only been promoted because our head honcho likes me. This does not bother me in the slightest. I believe that this is just the world we live in. It's all about who you know to get you there, but *staying* there is what really matters. Anyone can get you a job; you just have to prove after the fact that you were the best choice for it. That's what I'm ready to do.
​
My co-workers think that I'm an idiot. They don't think that I should have engaged with him at all in the first place and that it doesn't matter that it worked out for me in the end. I disagree. I'm getting a significant pay raise and about to climb the ladder up towards something that I actually want to continue doing for the long run. They argue that the last time he was this close to a staff member, he said something inappropriate to her, she quit, and she had to sign an NDA and was paid half a year's salary on the spot. I'm enough of an asshole to admit that this scenario doesn't seem to bad to me, but that's not the point.
​
**So, AITA for not being above nepotism?**
​
​
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not wanting to be my friend's therapist",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be my friend's therapist?
|
Sometimes I (20 F) feel less like a friend and more like a therapist. My friend (21 F) has severe depression and always talks about her issues to me and it can be draining. I try my best to give advice, but sometimes she berates me. Sometimes she tells me I'm not helping or I'm being too blunt. She's also sometimes tried to guilt me during these talks, telling me that she's always there for me and that I should do the same. Of course I'd like to be there for her but theres nothing I can really say or do to help her, as when I try I get berated.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "cutting contact with my aunt and uncle for the way they treat my cousin",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting contact with my aunt and uncle for the way they treat my cousin?
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons and i’m on mobile, so forget formatting.
Backstory: my cousin is about ~40. He left the country about two decades ago and i was just a toddler so i don’t remember much about it. Long story short, he had a baby when he was about 22, she was born with a heart condition and by her doctors orders, my cousin was advised to take her to another country to continue treatment, so he, baby, and GF left and they haven’t returned. Due to this, he never graduated college neither did his GF, but they’re very hardworking and have a nice life.
My dad’s side of the family has always been very wealthy. My cousin’s now wife comes from a middle class family, not poor, but not wealthy. Her father passed when she was really young, so her mother raised her and her siblings, but my uncles never liked her because she didn’t have a fancy name...
Anyway, here’s were uncles come in. When my cousin got her pregnant w/baby previously mentioned, my aunt repeated multiple times that my cousin wasn’t the father. Once the baby was born, they avoided any contact with her and my parents were actually the ones that helped my cousin look out for her. It wasn’t until the kid was about 2 that they started bonding with her. Btw, for any doubters, she looks just like my cousin...
Fast forward a couple years, my cousin gets married, has another baby (now a teen) and my uncles criticized everything about the wedding and even the baby’s name...
Since my cousin never visits, all i knew about him were the horrible stories my uncles would say. “He didn’t finished college”, “he works a crappy job”, “he could be living much better here”, “he doesn’t have much money”so i, gullible as i was, believed them..
This past Christmas i decided i was gonna go and visit. I had an amazing time. Everything my uncles said were untrue. His wife even told me that my uncle made her cry at the wedding because “she wasn’t good enough for him” and my aunt just stood there as it happened. My cousin told me that he sent his parents some things with a friend that had previously visited him, said friend went to drop things at parents house, and the parents proceded to crap talk my cousin to a stranger that was just dropping gifts for them from their son...
After all those things, I realized that they’re horrible people and I don’t want anything to do with them, so I just cut them off since after Christmas. I really can’t believe they acted like that to my cousin, yet they praise their other sons because they married rich people.
So reddit, AITA for cutting them off??
Btw, english is not my native language so forgive any grammar mistakes.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
a0kia6
|
{
"description": "not letting my mom pick the venue we use for our wedding reception",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my mom pick the venue we use for our wedding reception?
|
I'll try my best to make the situation as understandable as possible.
Basically, my fiance and I just started looking at reception venues for our wedding that'll be next year. We procrastinated a bit up until this point but what we saw was what we liked. The first place we looked at (which I'll call venue A) was a nice/cozy community building, that had a big open space, a clean slate for us to decorate as elegantly as we want (as long as we clean it all up obviously) and was within our price range. I practically fell in love with the place as soon as I walked in. We told the venue owner we would continue looking around but will give them a yes or no answer by next week (which happens to be today.)
Due to our schedules and the holidays, we never got to visit any other venues, but I have been looking at pictures of other places online and calling to get info like prices and room capacity. Nothing just hasnt seemed as good as venue A.
Heres where mom comes in.
She is INSISTENT that I'm making the wrong decision choosing venue A. She claims it will be a massive inconvenience for us and our guests because it's a 30 minute drive from our ceremony site (which I dont see as a problem. I'd rather have a beautiful site far away than an average one close by.) Which brings me to her next point. I should be going with venue B, this incredibly rustic-themed train depot that's only 10 minutes away, but holds less people and is slightly more expensive (which she isnt paying for.)
I told her we like what we found, and unless she wants to pay for it we're sticking with venue A. She offered to pay the difference between the two but that still leaves me paying 80% of the price for a venue we dont like. I told her she can reserve venue B for her own wedding if she likes it so much... you can imagine things got heated after that point.
Now shes slamming doors behind her because I "dont want her opinion" and "I can take my MIL dress shopping with me since I won't listen to her." I'm honestly scared to include my mom in wedding plans for the next year because I'm afraid she'll keep acting this pushy and crazy. AITA? Is she actually crazy or am I being stubborn about what my fiance and I want?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ZbYRwoGpb8P8mRsOuZaakXiEe1qrPIGD
|
a0wwmm
| null |
AITA I finally after 3 yrs of loud snoring and sleep screaming told my partner to sleep on the couch.
|
Let me backstory this by saying I am legally deaf in my right ear so on normal days his snoring doesn't bother me..
For the last few years I never had an issue moving to the couch (or bathroom floor better heater) when his snoring hit a high note. I rationalized it cause I was just a server thouse first years and he had a "time sensitive" coding project that any day now will fund our retirement *rolls eyes*. Three years later a move cross country with a corporate job for him, and a switch to teaching and a return to college for me.
Now to the meat of our story I promise, this semester I went back on my Dr perscribed Adderall amazing for studying and functioning, awful for a life long insomniac. Now my guy is still working on the side retirement project (40+hrs a week) and his corporate project (40+hrs a week) so he is sleep deprived, for me it is finals I am sleep deprived last night I snapped.
In the past when he has found me on the couch he would basically wine "babe when didn't you have me move it isn't fair that your the one to always move" but I would always say wait for finals than it's your turn. Well finals hit and after 3 hrs of him yelling "Mike stop fucking with my money" and his snoring hitting drastic numbers on the richter scale I start to gather my things to move towards the couch when he let out a sensual moan. " Jennette baby your mouth don't stop." I know you cant control your dreams, but moaning your ex's name doesn't motivate me to volunteer as tribute to sleep on the couch, opposite actually. I finally asked the man I love to sleep on the couch for the first time in three years. I asked him three times actually and each time he let me down. "Babe I am too cold" "babe I am tired too" "ok babe zzzzzzz" .
So I guess my question is am I the asshole for not moving to the couch, and I am the asshole for adding additional stress to an already overworked man or am I just really tired and need a nap with my class of ten 1-2yr olds, my mind feels like cotton due to lack of sleep
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
QcDQtS7kDLJnDhyfr7AL8abyYmM0KTFb
|
ah4qkb
|
{
"description": "having conversation at the gym",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for Having conversation at the gym?
|
AITA for going to the gym with a friend and talking to them? Background: this friend and I met at a gym where we went on the treadmills to run. The gym was jam packed, being after the new year and all. There were people on both sides of us on the treadmills. After 20 minutes into running, a man next to my friend proceeded to say, "I want to let you guys know I can't finish my workout because you have talked the whole time. You have distracted me and I cannot finish." This man had headphones on as well. My friend and I were having casual catch up conversation and we were definitely not yelling or anything. I need to know if this is a thing at the gym? Am I the asshole for having conversation while working out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
ftdIjuPHHNFgOdPeis64jMhG4sQFLfXb
|
b8eufp
|
{
"description": "getting pissed off at my bf for not wanting to be physically intimate even though we're both in a bad emotional place",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for getting pissed off at my BF for not wanting to be physically intimate even though we're both in a bad emotional place?
|
Throw away account, cause my SO is on Reddit. For context, I am a 27(F) and my SO is 28(M). Within the past couple of months my grandma has passed away from cancer at the same time my mom was diagnosed with cancer and my extended family is not exactly stable and has been very difficult through the whole ordeal. My boyfriend also recently got laid off from his job, which was what he though he could make a career out of but it's a small business that just didn't take off like expected.
​
I'm usually not a very emotional person, but the past couple of months have really thrown me for a loop and I really like physical contact for comfort. My SO however, is the exact opposite. He likes to be left alone to sort out his own feelings and generally only enjoys being intimate when he's not stressed. Which, for the past couple of months, has been very rare.
​
I'm trying to respect his boundaries and I'm not so petty as to say something like: "my situation is worse than yours, therefore I deserve \_\_\_\_\_" but I have to admit, the lack of physical intimacy is a really big strain on me. I have talked to him about it and he is apologetic but then never initiates anything. Whenever I try to initiate sexy times, I get pushed away, which really is putting a damper on my self esteem. AITA if I lose my cookies at him over this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
OrQMkwR0kMBFSN1OZYRhYRHXch82KFof
|
aqqe6q
|
{
"description": "cutting the wifi in the middle of an OW match",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for cutting the wifi in the middle of an OW match?
|
Hey gamers and non-gamers, this is my first post and I don't want to bore you to death so... Here's the rub.
My 17 yo sister is a little bit obsessed with OverWatch. Yeah I play it too, but I do so in moderation. She's obsessed and by that I mean, she gets home from school and immediately glues herself to the TV screen until someone nags her to get up. And it's from little things like telling me to do something (and her getting mad at me if I decline to do her bidding) to getting mad when my mom tells her to get up and do her chores. Which she knows she has to do, but chooses not to anyway. It's gotten to the point where my mom has to tell her to get up and do something 5-6 times before she actually does, each time met with nasty (yet advertiser friendly) remarks.
She yells when someone passes infront of her to use the front door; she even put her hands on me to move me out of the way last night because I wasn't moving fast enough to lock it for her, since she couldn't even be bothered to get up to lock it in between deaths. It's not like she even plays anything other than arcade mode anyway; she stay's away from comp so it's not like it'd kill her to do her obligations in between matches. My mom understands videogames, she played WoW a lot herself. But my sister is turning into one of 'those' kids. The 'get the fuck outta my room I'm playing minecraft' kid. And I'm kinda tired of hearing her yell about how bad her team is, and hearing the back and forth of an addict being told to get up and do something to clean the house. It's not like it'd kill her to take 10-15 minutes to wash the dishes/vaccum the floors in between games.
Fast forward to today, I started my chores but my sister had gone through two matches. She could've excused herself to get up, but no. Then I did something I was planning to do for a while. With the vaccum on and being out of her line of sight, I unplugged and replugged the modem, forcing her out of the game. She took the walk over to check it, then went to do her chores, crying about how she 'was going to get banned for leaving a game'. I know OW has that system installed, but I doubt it's as severe as she thinks it is. Even when my mom went to comfort her she lashed out at her.
So AITA for finally pulling the plug on my toxic gaming sister?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
nyti1LubJvXlnl581js0mt62qjGZIbEh
|
atak8t
|
{
"description": "telling my friend I can't go on a trip with her over Spring Break",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend I can't go on a trip with her over Spring Break?
|
So my friend texted me the last week of January and asked if I wanted to go with her somewhere during her spring break During the second week of March. Now, she is in grad school and I work 30-38 hours a week at Chipotle. I said that it would be fun and we tossed around a few ideas before dropping it. Fast forward to today(two weeks before her spring break) and she gives me actual dates and suggests an actual place for us to go. Now its been almost three weeks since we discussed the trip and I had forgotten the dates she gave me and honestly forgot about the plan all together so I scheduled work during her spring break. So once she called me today and asked I said I can't go because I scheduled work. She got upset and said she had given me the dates three weeks ago and that I had agreed. We didn't have a set plan and it seemed like more of a passing conversation over text. AITA for telling her I have work and can't go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
mgGnfiWsIa048Xz8nDVnRAbRFYPbwdGQ
|
agcged
|
{
"description": "not wanting to share a hobby with my partner's mom",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to share a hobby with my partner's mom?
|
After I get rid of a bunch of old hobby stuff I don't use, I'm wanting to look into making resin jewelry. It's interesting, it's cute, and I could make a couple bucks on Etsy with it.
But I made the mistake of mentioning it around my boyfriend's mother. And now she wants to join me in it. If any of you know what r/justnoMIL is, I used to post about her on there. But the TL;DR is that she's pushy, controlling, and has a victim complex.
So she wants to join me in making this stuff. A lot of things go into me not wanting to share it with her. One, again, she's pushy and controlling. I don't want to come home after a long day of work just to be shouted at that I'm doing my hobby wrong, because I'm not doing exactly that she wants me to do. I'm not putting the right flowers in that piece, she thinks I used too much glitter, that piece needs to cure longer than three days, yadda yadda yadda.
Two, she's about to have several surgeries that will leave her bedbound for a long while. While my partner thinks her joining me in this would be something good for her, I haven't gotten to explain why it would fucking suck for *me*.
She's going to be bedbound by the time I want to start trying it. I'd be the one having to go back and forth for her for supplies, getting this and that because there's not room for her to cram anything else into her hoard of a room. I'd be the one having to make sure her room is well ventilated so the fumes don't kill her AND try to make sure the cats don't escape out the window. I'd have to keep her room spotless to keep all the dust and cat hair from drying into the work. That, and she's already trying to push all these grandeur visions of a big Etsy business on me, wanting to sell this and that when all I want is a fun hobby for a little bit of extra money, not a booming empire of flowers and glitter in fake glass.
And I can't just tell her I don't want to. I can't tell her no. Because she'll go into a rage and yell and cry about how we're all awful, that she can't do anything right, we're all selfish, blah blah. I don't want to deal with that. I already deal with it on a daily basis and don't want to be made to feel like shit for not wanting to share. And it's not like she doesn't have any hobbies, she's got all kinds of crochet stuff that I'd be happy to help her relearn (or set her up with the right YouTuber because I'm not good at teaching), and an entire section of her room is already devoted to more transitional jewelry making. So it isn't like she'll have nothing to do. We all live together as well, I can't just go somewhere else for a few days until she cools her shit. (And before anyone gets on my case, we've tried and failed at moving out. We simply can't afford it.)
I just want to have a small hobby to enjoy in my free time without having to divide that time to someone else's hobby needs. I want to have something small that's mine and mine alone to enjoy. But I still can't shake the feeling that I'm an asshole for not wanting to help my MIL find some kind of enjoyment while she's bedbound for months.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
9hrLwieL0Gvpz1ViQu1mHazfuhELkhqY
|
9v292o
|
{
"description": "taking petty revenge against my hoa",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for taking petty revenge against my HOA?
|
Hey all,
Some back story here. I live in HCMC Vietnam. I have rented an apartment in a nice upscale apartment building for the last two years. Each apartment is privately owned, and we have an HOA in charge of management of the building. The HOA board is in charge of hiring a managing/service company to oversee services such as security, cleaning, etc. This year we elected a new woman in charge of the HOA, and she promptly fired the old company and hired another contractor. I work from a home office, which is relevant to this story.
I order food often. Food and delivery here is really cheap, and I can order from essentially any restaurant in the city far cheaper than I could personally cook a meal. We are talking like $3 delivered to your door. I'll often order coffee or whatever as well. My girlfriend doesn't much care for western food, so sometimes we will order from different places. This essentially equates to like 3-7 deliveries a day.
How this worked in my building is what you would expect from a hotel or an office.
The delivery guy talks to the woman at the front desk and she calls my apartment. I confirm I am expecting a delivery, he has to sign in and she escorts him to the elevator and allows him entry to my floor. Everything in the building is key-card access, and the delivery guy can only go to my floor and back to ground.
This morning I woke up and there was a sign posted in the lobby which stated that this procedure was "unsafe" and that tenants of the building will have to go down to retrieve any deliveries.
I talked to the security guy and the girl at the reception desk why this policy was put in place and they told me that the woman in charge of the HOA spent an entire day in the lobby of the building and counted delivery people coming in and out of the building and arbitrarily decided there were too many. We have never had any theft or break ins, everything is very tightly controlled here with cameras and security at essentially every exit, 24 hours a day.
Now this policy frankly pisses me off. Ever since the new company has taken over, my desire to stay in this apartment has decreased significantly, but I have a lease and don't want to lose my two month deposit so I'm a bit stuck. It takes me 10-15 minutes farting around with the elevator which should normally be like a 5 second transaction with a delivery guy.
I have tried talking to this woman about how much of an inconvenience this is. She has ignored me entirely or had the girl at the front desk run interference.
I've decided that I would fight fire with fire and I've started ordering deliveries of bottled water to the woman who runs the HOA and I've paid the security guy to let me know if she let's anyone into the building. I've also paid a photocopy shop to deliver 100 copies of a letter every day this week saying I disagree with the policy.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with the company that sells ads in the elevators for the building, and I intend to buy a TV sized ad expressing my dislike for this policy.
My girlfriend agrees that the policy is bullshit but she says I am taking this too far. It'd be cheaper for me to run the ad and try to change the policy so I don't have to move than break my lease.
Am I the asshole here? How far should I take the petty revenge. My idea is if this woman is inconvenienced in the same way she is inconveniencing me, she will change the policy, but I live in a country where this form of protest (or really, any form of protest, since politically it's illegal) is seriously looked down upon.
My girlfriend is quite pissed off about this, because I'm causing a scene, but it is enough of an issue to me I feel like I'd like to see it through.
What say you, Reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
1pSSDbMi1NzaM0L1tPYugLOgf2N5FMxU
|
9xj3uo
|
{
"description": "letting my closest female friend sleep over even though I have a girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for letting my closest female friend sleep over even though I have a girlfriend?
|
I (16m) have a best friend (16f) that I've known since I'm 4. We've been having sleepovers our whole lives, and she proposed we have one tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to it, but I decided that I should see if my girlfriend (also 16f) is ok with it. Just to be clear, I have no romantic feelings for this friend; she's like a sister to me.
My girlfriend said for me to do what I want, but she said she would be upset if I did have this sleepover, the reason being not jealousy but the fact that my girlfriend used to be allowed to sleepover at my house until recently. She wouldn't be upset at me per se, just at the situation. She can be emotional sometimes, and I really don't want to hurt her. I feel, though, that my girlfriend would get over it within a week or two. Also, she just left for vacation.
My best friend, however, believes this is unfair and that my girlfriend is imposing on our friendship. She believes that since I've known her for longer, she should be able to sleep over at my house. While my girlfriend is very important to me and I love her, my friend makes a good point. My girlfriend wouldn't be jealous but she'd be lonely all night.
For context, my girlfriend and I have been together for about 7 months now and go to different schools about 40 minutes away from each other. She feels that she doesn't have as much of a social life as me and she thinks she's pressuring me into not hanging out with people. I don't think she's doing that, but she's generally self-deprecating anyways. I feel guilty for being with others while she feels so alone.
So, WIBTA if I let my best friend that I've known my whole life sleep over while my girlfriend would be unhappy for that night?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
sXrvhEbAd307DU1rjZoZjrPxZH2LlVXk
|
a9sknt
|
{
"description": "freaking about over my wife, in spite of everything that I've done",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for freaking about over my wife, in spite of everything that I've done?
|
So I'm not the best person, or the best husband. I married my wife about 6 years ago. I had a pretty shitty childhood so I'm guarded you could say. I probably come across as very cold, and I haven't opened up to her, as I should have. Anyway, I've been away to the US for about a month, and after a few weeks the phone calls dried up. Last night I called her at least 10 times, the last of which a man I didn't recognize answered, and hung up. I called again, same man, but I heard my wife say something in the background. She was cheating on me.
I tried holding it together, I was in a hotel room after a party, there were some people there. I started crying, and I don't know why, but I just exploded. I broke furniture, threw food and drink at my guests and completely trashed the place, broke windows and TVs and all. I went completely nuts. I feel horrible. Am I the asshole for completely freaking out and trashing my hotel room, almost hurting my guests because my wife is cheating on me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
exblw1oiK76I9x34YVM1iZ5pT8zbiTaj
|
arn0gz
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my mom when she touched people's art in a museum",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my mom when she touched people’s art in a museum?
|
My sculpture is in an exhibit at a museum at the moment. We just went to check out all the art today with her friend. Both of them were not paying attention to any of the art and we’re very focused on only wanting to see my sculpture. Then my mom started touching some other peoples work and when I told her to stop, she continued doing it. On the car ride home I explained to her that it’s a museum and you shouldn’t be touching anything, but that just hurt her feelings. I feel awful now, but I just felt extremely anxious that the artist may not want people to touch their work.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
L6edTcggKyUrXKx9pENrOSbBpzoQLLX8
|
a51rkt
|
{
"description": "calling the police on my drug addict kid neighbour",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for calling the police on my Drug addict kid neighbour
|
I know I’m in the right I just wanna be sure,
So basically I (31 M) live in a complex with my mom since her and my stepdad had a separation (not👏a👏divorce👏) and the walls here are really thin. The kid next door (18 M) is always playing his trash lil pump music and I can hear him and his girlfriend banging when she comes over which is stupid coz I’ve told her on many occasions in the hall she needs to ditch that creep and find a real man (fingers crossed) anyway one time in the hall we got in a shoving match and I was about to absoloutley deck this kid when I realised he smelt of marriageuanea, I called the police to his apartment and he’s been taken away for a few nights, I can now hear his mom sitting in his room crying and I just feel like this was the right thing to do guys he needs to learn that I’m not one to be pushed around
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
vsEcWgIVswFTcFiEZOoUhLA8bagu3PJ6
|
ba5mef
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend when she'd be home",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend when she’d be home?
|
My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year. She used to get angry all the time, but she’s been amazing for months. Last night, she was with a friend and I was at home working, but thinking about going out if she wasn’t coming home soon. I sent her a text saying “any idea around when you’ll be home?” And she texted me 30 minutes later a picture of her friend’s dog on a tractor. I laughed and waited about 30 minutes, then said “do you know when I I’ll see you? No rush” also “how’s the dance going?” They we’re practicing a dance. We spend Friday’s together usually and didn’t want to go out if she was coming home soon. She ignored my question about coming home and just sent a video of their dance. I complimented her on how well it was coming along and asked if she could just give me an estimate if she’ll be leaving soon. She said she’ll probably leave in a bit and that she didn’t have time to text or she would’ve answered, but she’s been texting all these pictures to me. Well she then came home very mad, told me to leave and then got mad when I went to leave. So I stayed, but she wouldn’t speak to me all night. This morning, we were supposed to go on a motorcycle ride to a state park and she won’t speak to me. 2 hours late, she’s still in bed and I get a text saying “go without me, I’m not in the mood”. I’m obviously not going alone, we had a big ride planned and the fun was find it together. She knows I’ve been excited and planning this all week. She says asking when she’ll be home takes her freedom and nobody should that. AITA, did I word it wrong? Idk what to do, but I hate that she got mad over one text and canceled our plans. I was just trying to plan my night too, I didn’t care when she came home.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
DjuSzS4RqkChtVChaaM7tztfQbHFVGLT
|
aqpujl
|
{
"description": "putting my neighbor's dog's poop in front of their door",
"pronormative_score": 63,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for putting my neighbor's dog's poop in front of their door?
|
I watched from my balcony as my neighbor let their dog out, watched it poop in the grass, then went back inside without picking it up. I had suspected for a few weeks that the multiple huge piles of it were from this dog but now I had seen proof. So I got one of the plastic baggies (which are provided by dispensers all around our community specifically for picking up dog poop) and bagged it up and dropped it right on their doorstep. I figured this would give them the message and that I would only escalate to contacting management if it continued.
So....AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
apmof3
|
{
"description": "intervening in a struggle between a couple",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for intervening in a struggle between a couple?
|
Disclaimer: I've never handled this kind of situation before and I've never investigated what to do.
So some days ago I picked up my little brother from a party at one of those big event places, it was pretty late (12:30 AM) when he finally showed up, we were about to leave when we both saw a couple, but the guy seemed to be touching his girl and the girl was clearly struggling to keep him away, nobody was helping or doing anything, so my brother suggested that I did something and got close, so that's what I did.
I was right, the girl was crying/struggling and the guy was trying to touch/kiss her. I had no idea of what to do, so I simply asked the guy in a menacing way to get away from her, he simply replied that she was his girlfriend and I should stay the fuck out. He swore at me, I swore back over and over, I couldn't tell if he was actually drunk or not. The girl looked better, but then said that it was fine, the guy then insists to get in a fight with me, which I honestly wasn't afraid to get into (Although I really don't know how to fight), I just wanted him to leave her alone.
In the girl screamed and told us to stop and then told me that she'll scream for help if she has to, so I decided to go back with my brother, but not before realizing that the place's security guards were right behind us. I simply told them "She was being touched" and left.
I'm still thinking about it to this day and I don't understand if I did the right thing or if I should've left them alone like everyone else. Was I the asshole for intervening?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b6609l
|
{
"description": "applying to a far away university against my dad's wishes",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I applied to a far away university against my dad's wishes?
|
On a throwaway because I prefer keeping my personal life and shitposting for fake internet points separate. ALsO oN moBIlE rIghT NoW so that excuses me for any grammatical and structural errors, right?
Okay, let's get ready to ramble and climb the great wall of text. To start this off I'm currently doing my final exams and hopefully graduating with good enough grades so I can apply to an university. Not such a big deal because of the mandatory military service my country has, which basically gives me an extra year to get those grades up if they aren't enough to get in since I won't be going there before that's out of the way. Me and one of my friends have planned for a while to go to the same university and rent a flat together, because we are both interested in the same field of study. The first couple of exams went pretty smoothly, and everything was going fine until my mother passed away last weekend.
It came out of nowhere, and I don't think my brain still wants to register it happened. Needless to say, this really brought down my motivation for the remaining exams which just happened to be the ones I needed for the field I'm applying to. But again, no big deal since I can just raise the grades and apply again next year with no drawbacks.
To the actual reason for posting this, my dad always appeared to be not too keen on the university I was considering with my pal, offering alternative unis and such, as were some of my other relatives. I didn't think about it too much back then, but now when all this is going down, we had a talk and he said he wished that I would consider not applying there.
I think the points he made are reasonable, and finally he told me it would make him really happy if I applied to more nearby unis, especially a one near where he was going to be living, the capital city of my country. Again, I didnt say anything as I haven't even looked that place up because the required grades seemed tough and the location doesn't interest me at all. I brought it up later and he told be that if I wanted to make him happy I'd make it my second option.
So, WIBTA if I still put that far away uni as my first or second option, before the capital city uni? I know and he has told me many times that it's my choice but I still feel like a scumbag for thinking about it and upsetting him even more after recent events. On the other hand, I dont want to pull the rug from under my friend because we have been planning this as long as we've known what to do with our lives after graduating.
Now, I want you to hold any NTAs off to say that my dad is a great man with no animosity between us. Even though my parents divorced ages ago, he's arranging most of the funeral services and the practical proceedings so I don't have to. I also believe that the reason behind his suggestions is that he would miss me and worry a lot about me living so far away after being with him and/or my mom the whole time before this.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CKXpMxgDpffZsUW2ULWlGUIcFyHh1KB7
|
ahii6y
|
{
"description": "telling a family situation/secret to my bf",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I told a family situation/secret to my bf?
|
So tonight I just learned something & it scared the shit out of me. I had felt that something bad had happened to my twin sister even tho I haven't spoken to her since last February or so.
It scared me & I want to talk to my bf about it but I don't know if I should keep it in the family since it's not his business. Knowing my sis like I do, she wouldn't want me to tell him. But I feel like I should. But also shouldn't bc I don't even know how long we'll be together. If he was my husband or fiancé, it'd be different.
Would I be the asshole if I told my boyfriend about the family situation? Please give me a clear answer bc he's almost out from work.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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INFO
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
fsCtLPaN4ZT9gfMQGh4CbSIjCwsTnnHl
|
b9hri8
|
{
"description": "admitting I love my own child more than my girlfriend's children",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For admitting I love my own child more than my girlfriend's children?
|
I know how the title sounds. I had my daughter when I was 19 and raised her as a single father. It wasn't always easy and we had a lot of struggles, but we made it through. She's 14 now and we are extremely close. I met my girlfriend about 2 and a half years ago, and started becoming more heavily involved with her kids (12 and 15) about 6 months into our relationship as we both wanted to make sure we were solid before getting the kids involved. She's not considered mom by my daughter and her kids don't call me dad but we're still a unit and it works out very well.
I love her sons, I'd protect them with my life and getting to know them has been amazing. They might not be "my" kids but I care about them and do my best to give them structure and a male figure in their lives. I also keep things as fair and balanced as I can, I don't allow my daughter to get away with things at their expense, or hang out with my daughter and exclude them. The get the same amount of gifts, we hang out the same amount of time (aside from when they go out with their mom) and so on. I've had heart-to-hearts with both of them and told both I loved them, I'd do anything for them.
My partner can have a a temper at times, and one of her less than great qualities is she'll go through topics until she finds one that upsets me enough to take the bait so she has an outlet for her frustration. She's been working on it and she's in therapy, but we had an incident recently. We had a disagreement about something and combined with a long day she was ready to argue, so she started cycling topics trying to get a rise from me. I waited for her to burn herself out, but she ended up accusing me of loving her kids less than I love my own daughter.
That got a reaction because I've never told her or her children that. There's no need, it serves no purpose and despite it being true I love all three and treat them no differently. Her own family commented on how close we are. I took the bait and we got into an argument, and she just would not let it go. This went on for upwards of an hour with me trying to explain how much I do love them when I should have just disengaged. It was late, I had work and I lost my patience so I finally told her yes, my daughter is the most important person in my life and yes, I do love her in a way that is unique to everyone else. I told her I love both boys as well and would never express my love for the kids differently, but I love my daughter deeper than I love anyone else as I'm sure she does her boys.
I now hear about it every time we disagree. I feel like she's only using it now as leverage, because I know if she truly felt I didn't love the boys she wouldn't be with me. If ITA then I guess I'll have to be because I can't change how I feel, but I'd like to know if I'm the asshole because it'll change how I approach this situation with her and how I try to approach this going forward to keep the unit balanced.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
q3jtDGQt708R4i4QwU8sZMDXiRiymA6N
|
b67zt3
|
{
"description": "telling my sister not to call her kid an asshole",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my sister not to call her kid an asshole?
|
Hey reddit. My sister is a few years younger than me and has a 3 year old daughter. Currently we don't live close to each other, but when we did, it would bother me when she'd call her then infant daughter names (dork, asshole, "little shit", you get the idea). I used to tell her "You gotta stop referring to her like that, because \_\_\_\_ (insert rational reason here, but usually said in gentle manner)." I thought she had stopped.
​
It seems she is still referring to her daughter this way and it's concerning to me. In the last facetime we did she referred to her as a dork and little shit within two minutes of each other. Am I the asshole if I tell her straight up "You need to stop referring to your daughter that way. It's not okay." Or do I mind my own business as I'm not the mom?
​
Thanks all.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TBVCPce5F9wjcbvtwruNAC4UK722IXBi
|
b22xg9
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be a designated driver for my friends",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be a designated driver for my friends?
|
Yesterday morning, some of my friends asked me to be their designated driver (for a party that happened later that night). They get drunk about once every other week, sometimes more. Anyway, I’m a pretty busy guy. I’m a premed major and I don’t drink at all. They usually have a designated driver (lets call him Jake). Jake is a chill guy, but he’s easily pushed around imo. He always drives for them, even at times when he doesn’t want to. Jake could not do it yesterday because he hasn’t been feeling good all week. Anyway, I declined as I didn’t want to do it, and we are all underage (all 19 or 20). Call me a loser or whatever, I don’t care. It’s still illegal. I told them that I am not their babysitter and that they are all adults. They can call an Uber or something. So one of them (we’ll call him Seth) gets extremely annoyed at me. He asked me what had to do yesterday night (obviously in terms of later that night). I told him the truth. I said that I would be studying for finals next week and playing video games. He proceeds to call me a loser and says that I would rather play games than make sure they’re safe. He says that Jake “is always there for them”. I told him that I’m not spineless like Jake. The others chimed in and said that I had nothing better to do (they weren’t angry at all tho). I told them that I don’t owe them my time. So they went and got drunk. Seth ignored all my texts today. I told another group of friends and half said I should’ve just drove for them. The other half said that it was my choice. However, they all said that I was being uptight about the drinking age, and that other countries had much lower drinking ages. I replied with “well we don’t live in those countries so I do not care”. So AITA for not wanting to be a designated driver?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
UMiIoODPnZOpRbPSuBJWM4Ho8IbnupoW
|
acqari
|
{
"description": "not wanting to help pay the monthly family phone bill",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help pay the monthly family phone bill?
|
I’m the oldest of my siblings, and when I turned 16 (about a year and a half ago) I got my first job, and was tasked with paying the monthly family plan (~$127), and I also had to give my mother $100 for the first couple of months, not to mention the few times when my siblings wanted new things, they asked me, so I only made $200 each paycheck which made me mad, but I sucked it up for a while; Fast forward to 3 months ago, my sister is finally able to get a job of her own, and we got new phones last month. The thing is, the monthly plan is ~$250, and I just want to be compensated for all the times that I had to pay the phone bill and such by myself, and she’s being stubborn and still expects me to pay half with her, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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}
|
WRONG
|
fYpt4HXBE51iLeb0K7sxfknTaysmtQCe
|
adnw4u
|
{
"description": "not telling a friend they got the answer wrong on a study guide",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I didn’t tell a friend they got the answer wrong on a study guide.
|
I’m doing a study guide for math and I don’t know how to do a problem, so I text my friend she responds telling me how to do the problem. I thank her and go on my way. A few minutes later I check my work and one of the answers (the one she showed me as an example of how to do the problem was wrong.)
I could have checked it wrongly and it could be right, also her tutor apparently showed her this so it should be right, but I feel like I should tell her so she doesn’t use this method on the test.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
iSNoQJjbieG1mXBPyt4SYPpJGlLCxVAN
|
b1se8k
| null |
AITA forever telling my girlfriend a coworker thought I was asking her out
|
So I work in a kitchen and at the end of the night we throw water all over the floor before scrubbing it. This new and rather tiny girl was having trouble throwing the buckets so I ask her. Have you ever gone bowling? To which she jumps up all happy like and says, no but I'm willing to learn! I then went on to explain that throwing the water was like throwing a bowing ball and demonstrated as her face sank. I realized later that she may have thought I was asking her on a date, and the situation to me was hilarious. So I told my girlfriend later to which she was less entertained. She said there was no need to brag, and I explained that I understood how it could look that way but it wasn't my intention. Regardless, she's still pissed. Which is odd because she's not the jealous type, and this would be mild in competitive conversations so what gives?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
80cpuiDnm1qPlYrar7m89kMhmKCtySIs
|
b4rx48
|
{
"description": "getting angry at the gym instructor for trying to scam me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting angry at the gym instructor for trying to scam me?
|
Sorry for my English, it's not my native. Also live in different country, so different currencies.
So I decided to sign up for a month at a local gym, with instructor for 1,500. I didn't have money at the time but I really want to push myself out of my depression and do something. My then bf was supportive with the idea, so he withdrew at the ATM for me, and let me borrow 1,000 for the moment. (This is important)
On Monday at the gym, I signed up and paid 1,500 (One 1,000 paper and one 500 paper) because that's what I thought the payment would be, but the gym instructor (gym owner's daughter) told me it was 1,650. I told her I would pay the rest tomorrow. She took my payment and she instructed me. Everything was fine for the day.
I wasn't able to go back on Tuesday because my whole body was sore.
On Wednesday, when I was about to pay the rest, she told me the 1,000 paper I gave her was torn. She said I should pay her again because she wouldn't accept it. The paper I gave her was clean, no tears or vandals, and it's crispy because it was fresh from the bank/ATM. What she gave me was an old, wrinkly, vandalised paper (stamped with red ink) with rat bites at the sides.
I asked her if she was sure this is the money I gave her, because I SURE AM this isn't it. She said she is sure, because I'm the only one who paid her that amount of money that day. Bells in my head were alarming, and I knew something was up. It was so hard to act calm while full of suspicions, but I still managed to finish the training calmly.
I talked to her again after the training. She was mildly offended because she said I was implying that she is lying. I told her that it's impossible this is the paper I gave her, because that was fresh from the bank. She said it's my fault because when I gave her my money, it was folded so she didn't see it. This pissed me off. She then kept blaming it's my fault, it's my fault, and this pushed me off the edge.
"WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIRST CHECK THE MONEY YOUR CLIENT GIVES YOU BEFORE ACCEPTING THEM?!" I told her, which made her mad telling me I shouldn't shout at her. I said she should stop lying to my face, and I want my money back. She gave me three 500 papers and I checked all of them just to be sure before leaving the place. AITAH?
TLDR: Gym instructor was trying to scam me by giving me different money and blamed me because she did not check what I gave her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
BwQlAzjcwAYxYYVffDLqn1aeVDnfOq1r
|
aursly
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend for transparency",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend for transparency
|
I (F27) and my partner (M38) have been together off and on for almost 3 years. We've been living together for the past 10 months. He's a private person, not one to be forthcoming with information or give a lot of detail about things.
He's quite guarded with his computer and is on it pretty much all of his waking hours. He takes it with him into the bathroom when he showers. I know that it's off-limits for me.
I know that he's close to some of his exes. This doesn't bother me. He talks about them from time to time. That's out in the open and is not an issue.
I noticed over the past few years that he talks to a certain female friend often (see her name pop up on his chat and she posts on his Facebook), but he had only ever mentioned her name to me once (a year ago when she came to visit him overseas and he told me his "friend" was coming).
I recently worked up the courage to ask who she was (I felt there was something off since he never mentioned her, but seemed to talk to her several times a day), and he said she was an ex. He said he was also talking with 2 other exes (whose names I had never heard prior to last night), and that he spoke with them a few times a week. I asked if they knew he was living with someone, and he "is pretty sure they do, yeah." But also said that he doesn't talk about me as a rule because he feels that relationship things should be kept private.
I don't feel jealous. But I DO feel a bit weirded out that he hid this, and that they might not be aware that he's in a relationship. He said their conversations were sometimes flirtatious, but nothing more. It seems clear that some of these women are still interested in him.
When I told him I felt it was weird that he kept it secret, he got upset and accused me of wanting to control his life and have him "report to me." He sees this as a violation of his privacy and autonomy. I see it as a natural extension of being in a relationship (I'm friendly with my exes but always give him a heads up if I feel like something could be interpreted as less than innocent. I just want the same courtesy in return.)
He seems to think I want to strip him of his individuality (I don't want him to stop talking to these people. In fact, I encourage him to continue to do so because he's a bit closed off emotionally and needs close friends he can confide in.). I just would rather he be open and not hide stuff.
I should add that he has a long history of open relationships that had "don't ask, don't tell" policies. We are in a monogamous relationship and I want him to be a bit more aware that his overstepping bounds with other people would be hurtful.
TLDR: My boyfriend hid the fact that he has been talking to several exes multiple times a week over the past several years. When I asked him to be more open and let me know about this kind of thing in the future, he accused me of trying to control his life and take away his privacy.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 14,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Vv0t7pAS0y58O0KvOkrKt8mXkbCwF0Tl
|
b0fofq
|
{
"description": "refusing to do something at work, and telling a new hire not to do it either, because I believed it was a bit unsafe",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to do something at work, and telling a new hire not to do it either, because I believed it was a bit unsafe?
|
So I work at a company that drives to different clients to service equipment. I work with Mike (fake name). Mike is a new hire who comes with me to everything I do. All of the techs in our company are under our manager John (fake name). Thus I don't really have any "authority" to tell Mike what to do, but he'll still listen to me.
A store's fan was not working. After we isolated the problem to the fan itself, I told Mike to get the step ladder. In case you don't know, when you are on a step ladder, you're not supposed to stand on the top two steps. You're also not supposed to overreach. People break both of those rules regularly, almost always without injury. I was at the highest safe step and I could barely reach the fan. I would have had to break one of those rules to access it.
I called John.
> Me: "Hey John, I'm at [store] with Mike and we need the bigger ladder."
> John: "The one in your truck should be fine."
> Me: "It's not."
> John: "Did you go all the way up?"
> Me: "I went as far up as I am supposed to go. I can't reach it safely from there."
> John: "For fuck's sake, u/AdorablePreference. Let me speak to Mike."
He apparently told Mike to "just fucking do it." Mike wanted to do it. I just said "no you're not" and I took the ladder down. Long story short, John drove over to fix it himself (in the unsafe way) as Mike and I watched.
Am I the asshole?
tldr I defied my boss because of a possibly unnecessary safety rule. I also brought another employee into the conflict.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
e1cAmGSIEncDHniJpA2C82VAYtpa80Ux
|
alr9ow
|
{
"description": "raging at my depressed best friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AItA For raging at my depressed best friend?
|
The last 1 and a half years my best friend got increasingly more depressed. As someone who knows that feeling all to well unfortunately we nearly meet or talk everyday so I can comfort him.
But as he stated multiple times it's mainly due to his ex girlfriend who HE cheated on. She left and they had an on/off relationship then since about 3 months ago.
Yesterday he wrote me again that he feels so lonely and is really upset right now.
At the moment I am going through a rough time in life myself (lost my job failed my exams and had to move out whilst having very little income (as he knows)) and I prefer being for myself then.
I told him that I would rather stay home and focus on myself. He got really upset about it and wasn't accepting that I would rather be alone and concentrate on myself as I told him multiple times... and he came over to my place to talk about HIS problems.
At this point I lost it and told him that he is crying over something that happened in 2017 while his life in every other aspect is seemingly perfect. He should 'man up' stop bitching and annoying me with that shit, whilst I am facing my own very recent problems.
We argued for a little while until he drove off.
Now he is trying to make me feel guilty via Text massages.
Soo AItA?
P. S sorry for grammar and spelling mistakes I am not a native speaker.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
zebBosxi5idm7egIpihIRgAIDotlTaEr
|
b1nx1t
|
{
"description": "sending a very drunk stranger home in a taxi, I don't know her and am worried about her",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for sending a VERY drunk stranger home in a taxi, I don't know her and am worried about her.
|
I was on a night out yesterday and it came to closing time at the bar and everyone went home and was locked out of the bar. Their was a bunch of girls who had a big argument and they all left this one girl alone who was very very drunk. She lived a few cities away and her friends had ditched her with no way home. This girl was very vulnerable and was basically offering sex to literally anyone who took her home. I talked her away from a group of men and said I would take her to my nearby home just so I could get her out of there. She agreed but I walked her straight to the nearest taxi depot and put her in a taxi to her home city. I think I have done the right thing but I can't stop thinking if she is Ok and if I done enough. I have since read that taxis can be very dangerous for drunk women. I took the registration of the driver.
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"description": "asking for a blowjob from my gf and making our relationship all about sex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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AITA for asking for a blowjob from my gf and making our relationship all about sex?
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A little background. I'm a 23 year old male and my gf (19f) we used to be pretty sexually active. Sex almost every day. We both have very high sex drives. It's one of the reasons I think we fit so perfect together. She is my only partner to have ever really initiated our intimate times as much as I'd like. We've been dating 6 months. I know sex usually dies down (at least in my experience) after the "honeymoon" phase in relationships. We've started too, we only get intimate around 3 times a week now, if i'm lucky. But last night she told me she thinks we have sex too much and it might not be healthy for our relationship.
​
Her sexual history which influences some of my thoughts. She started having actual penetrative sex in the last 2 years. She's only had 3 partners but Her and her previous bf did oral on each other for for years. As well as she's performed oral on several other men, totaling up to above 7 guys, before I told her I was okay not knowing so much detail. The oral detail does hit a sore spot with me, but I did ask her about her past history. I've had 7 sexual partners but only 1 of them has ever gone down on me, so it's definitely more of an intimate pleasure for me. Personally I feel like going down on your partner is 100% about the recipient and that might be why I feel so different about it. I've brought up my feelings on this several times and she understands it. She's even told me how she loves giving blowjobs. However in our time dating she has only performed oral on me a hand full of times, less than the number of men she has done it to. I know this shouldn't upset me but every time I ask or bring up the possibility of it happening, it never happens. At the most she'll just initiate sex which I know she loves because she gets something out of it. Our argument started when I tried again to ask for some special attention to myself.
​
The other night she came over very sore after a workout. I gave her a very lengthy massage without the intention of repayment. She kept insisting even offering money at one point. So I suggested maybe later when she wasn't tired we could think of something. The next day she brought up again how nice the massage was and she said she really owed me. I knew exactly how the next conversation would go but still took my shot. I gathered my courage and carefully suggested that a blowjob would be more than a repayment and I would actually love it. This sparked her stating she feels we have sex too much. This revealed some more issues. She feels I'll get bored of her. Also that our relationship shouldn't depend on sex. I told her I don't see myself getting bored and that I feel sex is a pretty important part of relationships. I did my best to delicately bring up how it's been over 3 months since she reciprocated any oral. Which she really didn't like to hear because now she feels I keep tabs how much we have sex. Thus furthering her point of us(me) relying on sex as a relationship crutch. I tried to defend my point that I don't use her for sex, that I just really love the bond it creates between us.
​
Now we're in an argument over this. I am really tired of trying to navigate this discussion with her. I have just moved on and stopped talking about it. I really don't want to be seen as the guy that has to have sex all the time. At the same time I definitely feel that I need that level of intimacy and release. It is a huge driving force for me, and I try to be as subtle as I can about it. Going so far as to literally never initiate it as to not offend her. Am I so wrong to ask for a blowjob one time? I know she's pretty familiar with giving them. That's a dick thing to say, I know. But it just never happens to me. I know it's not fair to compare past histories with current situations but I'm not asking for anything out of her comfort zone. I would just love some attention without me being the guy who has to be sexually stimulated all the time.
​
TLDR: I love having sex more than the next guy but am dealing with the gradual decline of my relationships sex life; coupled with the fact that I can't negotiate a reciprocating act of felatio for my life. When I asked for a blowjob I started an argument which lead to her thinking all I want is sex. I know if I try to make my point more clear I'll be labeled more of a sex fiend. All I can do is sit back and watch my relationship decline.
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{
"description": "vaping at my Grandparents house",
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AITA for vaping at my Grandparents house?
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I’m staying with grandparents for the holidays, we’re skiing and stuff. I have a dab pen that I’m currently using in their bathroom, feeling kinda guilty wondering if y’all think I’m the asshole? They are hippies and occasionally get high lol but I would feel weird if they knew I was getting high at their houSe.
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{
"description": "trying to look out for my neighbor",
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"contranormative_score": 1
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AITA for trying to look out for my neighbor?
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So today, i came home and saw a gal rooting through my neighbors trash. Some background. She ignored my first few heys' and excuse me. I had to shout to get her to interact with me. I asked her to leave and she told me she was "allowed to be there and that the owners knew her." I knocked on the door but no one answered. Just as i walked back down with phone in hand calling the sheriff, the other neighbor came home and hid in his car and wouldnt come out. She eventually ambled off. So am i the @$$ hole as my intention was to look out for my neighbors safety. Or is this being not ok? I thought i was acting in good faith.
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{
"description": "going on a date with a guy I'm dating while my friend is in town to visit me",
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"contranormative_score": 1
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WIBTA if I went on a date with a guy I’m dating while my friend is in town to visit me?
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A friend of mine from New England is coming to visit me in Florida in about a week. He’ll be here for 5 days (Friday morning through Tuesday evening), most of which we plan to spend together catching up and hanging out. He’s expressed that I’m the main reason he’s coming to visit, and that he’d like to spend as much time with me as possible while here. A few of the days he’s visiting I’ll have to work, and I set aside about 2 hours every day for a work out. He’s aware of both of these limitations and has told me he’s ok with them. What I’m wondering, though, is whether or not I would be an asshole if I cut into the potential time we could have to hang out in order to go on a date with a guy I’m seeing. We’ve been dating for about 3 months and it’s going pretty well. Lately, though, we haven’t had much of a chance to see one another due to work, sickness, and the holidays. We are planning to get together before my friend visits. However, due to my friend’s visit we won’t be able to see each other for another 2 weeks in between our upcoming date and the next date. I’d like to avoid this, because I really want to get to know this guy I’m seeing better and another 2 week break isn’t exactly great for a budding relationship, but I also don’t want to be an asshole to my friend who is traveling a long way to visit me. To clarify, if I did decide to meet up with the guy I’m seeing, it would likely be in the evening for a few hours, 4 tops. Would I be an asshole if I saw him while my friend is visiting me?
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{
"description": "refusing a school trip",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
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AITA for refusing a school trip?
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So I'm just writing this cuz I'm fuming atm and wanna see if I'm actually in the wrong. This just happened today.
Context:in my country there's this week that happens once a year called "Alternative Week" in which you do anything else that's not school. And most classes go on a 2-3 days trips during this week. Our teacher wants us all (we're 35 in my class) to go to "unite the class"
My class is formed of like 6 genuinely nice people(of which I hang out with one cuz I don't really have things in common with the others),nice girls that gossip all the time but won't bother you (14), entitled cunts (4)and the fucking zoo animals (10).(I didn't add myself cuz I'm the one writing the story)
Personally I really can't stand this class. As a bi, non-religious person that doesn't bind to gender rules and gender stereotypes that my classmates live by (even the "girls are weaker and dumber and only made to pop uglies and cook" bullshit) the mere thought of having to spend more time than necessary(school hours) with overly religious, homophobic af people it's uncomfortable and down right scary. So I decline any possible interaction that isn't school related.
Most of the people that want to go are the zoo animals and entitled cunts. And from the nice people only a few that I don't have anything in common with. Anyone that I could hang out with doesn't want to go and made up a reason why they won't go.
I'm a straightforward person so when I was asked today by my teacher if I want to go I simply answered "no.I don't want to". She got extremely pissed saying "that I don't have any reason not to" and that I shouldn't give her this kind of attitude (which I wasn't but ok) and that she knows I don't have any type of home situation or trouble and that she doesn't want this trip either but she wants the class to be united and we shouldn't be selfish and just go since after that week we'll be on holiday. I didn't say anything else besides that "just like last year I'll just come to school instead" and she let me be for a while saying that if there's something personal we can just tell her in particular.
Now at the end of the day (we had last class with her too) while I was packing up my things she stopped me (there were still kids in class otherwise I would've just told her why not) and asked me if there really is a reason for me not to want to. I said yes there is and when asked if I can tell her (all the classmates were looking at me at this point which made me very uncomfortable) and I said "not now". She then asked if I can tell her in particular of which I said "yes" (I really wanted to leave) she then gave me more lectures about attitude and I just apologized and saying "have a good day"and left.
Am I the asshole in this situation for not wanting to go on a trip with classmates i cant stand and that make me extremely uncomfortable even tho it would make the teacher happy? (trip is just 2 days)
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{
"description": "not letting my bf buy games that his friend wants him to buy to play together",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
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AITA For not letting my bf buy games that his friend wants him to buy to play together?
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First, I have to say we both love playing video games. We have much of them, we enjoy it, it's our hobby. My bf (of 7 years, living together) has a friend, where he goes to over night sometimes, where they play together, drink alcohol etc. That's okay with me. I don't like the guy, but it's not my friend, it's his.
Now the situation is, i lost my job because of epilepsy. I try do build my own Business at this time, it goes pretty well, but I don't earn as much money as in my old job. I often said I'm sorry, and I am working for more money. He always told me, he's okay with that, we have our money together, it's not important who earned it.
When he was in uni, I was the one who got the only money. So basically he does the same thing I did, both of us didn't bother, we love each other.
Now video games are pretty expensive. Because he wants to play with his friend, he bought many games earlier, and when his friend didn't want to play it, he mostly didn't play it alone anymore. I never loved that, but I kind of unterstood him - he wanted fun time with a friend. Now we have almost no money left because of our situation, and today he asked me, if he can buy a new game to play it with his friend when he stays there next week. It would cost almost all the money I left for food, so I said no, and that I would be glad if he wouldn't run after others who have more money. I felt like this playing time is more important then eating, and I almost exploded. This month we bought 2 games already. And this isn't even one he wanted to have in first place. He just wants it, because his friend said that. I always wanted a man with whom I can have kids, house, family. I don't feel like that about him now.
BUT he earned the money. Yes, I did the same thing for him for a few years, but I never wanted to buy things I can't afford. So AITA for Not letting him buy it?
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"description": "ditching my table in a group math quiz",
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"contranormative_score": 2
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AITA for ditching my table in a group math quiz?
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Hi i am in 10th grade calculus class and today we had a group math quiz. A lot of people around me are having trouble and the teacher announced we are having a group math quiz(We can work with our groups). My table-mates were just going to rely on me for the answers because I have a good grade in the class and they said I was going to,"carry them," I then proceeded to move and work independently without my table mates because they were just going to rely on me and end up slowing me down. Am I the asshole here?
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{
"description": "thinking my parents should fix the mistake they made while choosing a piano",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
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AITA for thinking my parents should fix the mistake they made while choosing a piano?
|
Note: format may be bad, I'm on mobile.
For a bit of pretext:
I've been practicing piano for about 8 years now and take it VERY seriously. I'm a freshman at an art school where I study with a teacher there (he's great). Clearly, I need a functional piano to get things done.
A few months ago, they decided to replace the perfectly acceptable upright we had with a heavily used baby grand. I had not asked for a new piano. I was perfectly content with the one I had, actually. However, this new piano was absolute *shit*. They hadn't asked me if I wanted the piano, or even told me they would be getting a new one. If they had just let me try the piano before spending $500 to move it in, I would have told them not to do it in a heartbeat.
However, now the piano is in our house. I can't practice on this thing (just want to emphasize how shitty it is) and my parents have this conception that they can fix it using *youtube tutorials*. Personally, I think it would be cheaper and easier to just get a new one, but I digress.
My problem here is that I really don't think they can do it. I've made the metaphor that they're trying to do brain surgery by youtube tutorial, and while it's a bit over the top, I think it encompasses my point well.
My other main problem is that, even though they caused the problem, they expect me to actively search online for parts we need. Now, I'm no piano technician, but I think we need way more than a few spare parts. Like, maybe a whole restoration. Which, professionally done, can be upwards of *$15,000*. We don't have that kind of money, which is why they want to do it themselves.
I still think that it would be cheaper to just get a new piano, but whatever.
Now, as I said before, I take piano very seriously. So, not having a usable piano for 5 months with no effort to solve the problem is seriously detrimental to not just my future, but my mental wellbeing. My parents don't think it's as serious as I say it is, but I've actually felt more depressed in recent months than usual. Not to mention my parents randomly cut me off from my piano teacher 2 months ago and just made efforts to get a new one ***TODAY***.
However, I do feel like I'm demanding a bit much of them to completely fix the problem themselves, and I feel I haven't fully appreciated the sentiment enough. But, it's kinda hard to be grateful when you're fucking depressed because you can't do one of the only things in life that bring you joy.
So, AITA? I know I portray it as me definitely thinking I'm not the asshole, but I have been pretty rude to my parents about it, even though they were just trying to be nice.
tl;dr: my parents replaced my acceptable piano with a crappy one without telling me and think I should help them fix it and that I'm not appreciate enough. I take piano seriously and this seriously affects my life. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "telling my friends to watch a movie another time",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
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AITA for telling my friends to watch a movie another time
|
Context:
I have a messaging group with my friends, we are 14 people or so, in this group we make plans to meet up and do things.
Spiderman: into the spiderverse came out recently and a friend suggested watching it on Friday. It turns out most of the girls have plans to watch the Grinch on Friday, so they declined (about 5 people). So I suggested having a guys-night on Friday and watching Spiderman then, since the girls are having themselves a girls-night.
One of the girls then said she wants to join as well, to which I asked her if she's not joining the girls to watch the Grinch. She said she is and this is where things escalated.
I suggested she should go watch Spiderman with the others (that can't join on Friday) another time. I said not every activity needs to include everyone anyway and that they are watching a movie without us aswell. I also explained it doesn't make sense to reschedule the people that would like to join on Friday for Spiderman, just because shed like to watch it as well. Again, I said, she's watching a movie anyway so why shouldn't we be able to watch a movie aswell. Then another friend, that is going to watch the Grinch, explained shed also like to watch Spiderman. Additionally another guy friend then suggested watching another movie on Friday and watching Spiderman together with the girls.
To which another guy-friend replied that would be enough people to go watch it on your own another time and leave the people who want to watch Spiderman on Friday alone. They then said we should just wait two days and watch Spiderman with them to which I replied this:
"So let me get this straight and feel free to correct me but you are complaining that we want to go watch a movie on Friday without you guys, when on that same Friday you are literally also watching a movie, that you did not ask anyone else about? We are not taking away your right to go watch Spiderman, please make me understand. It's really nice that you want to spend so much time with me and (friend) and (friend) but you can go watch it on your own or take the people who haven't watched it yet."
Am I the asshole for telling my friends to watch Spiderman without me (and some others) another time, when they're going to watch the Grinch that same day without us?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "not wanting anything more to do with my father",
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|
AITA for not wanting anything more to do with my father?
|
Some background, I am 24M, my father 64M, my mother 62F, my sister 26F.
My father has always been a disciplinary figure in mine and my sister's life over a more fatherly one. He retired at 40 to be a stay at home dad, while my mom worked to provide for us. My father had a pension and savings, so there's never been stress about which parent works or whatnot. My dad didn't actually DO much with us kids, I would later learn he smoked a lot of weed in secret in the garage (mom knew, and it was 'for pain' from his working years, as he said, but I can tell now it was also for fun) and kept busy in the garage with home projects.
My dad would throw out 3 or 4 punishments at a time for anything we'd do wrong (no TV, no games, can't leave your room, bed at 7:00pm) *until our behaviour improved* (read: goalposts can move anytime, so fuck off and get comfortable wherever you fuck off to, kid). Basically I had no engagement from him and a fat punishment when I, a bored kid in the country steps out of line. My mom and I became much more close, and my father laments his lack of a relationship with his son, despite the fact that my entire childhood, we never did a damn thing together except for family vacation (which he'd insist we go to his cottage the whole summer, try keeping friends like that). I think we went to the movies 3 times between me being born and moving out in Feb of this year.
I've always liked my mom more as a result, we've talked about my issues with how he acts, and my dad refuses to change, refuses to treat me like I'm an adult, and anything I object to in his behavior is caused by me for having an attitude. Mom used to come home and correct the overpunishment from my father, and my dad has eternally blamed her for the kids' *lack of respect* for him, when he's just been rude and awful to us.
This has gone on my entire life. My dad and mom wanted me to commute to school while I was in 2yr college and 4yr uni, so I would be supported during it, and after endless fights, on my last semester of uni, my father told me that I was ruining his life and his marriage, and he hoped I was happy for doing this. After
this, he returned upstairs to tell my mother he loved her, told my sister he loved her, and then tried to hang himself in the garage with belts I'd bought him for past birthdays.
I moved out immidiately, and stopped talking to him regularly until April. It was my last semester of school and I barely made through amidst the pressure and him existing. After all the years of being treated like a little kid, punished harshly my entire childhood, told how I feel about the way he talks down to me is my fault, I don't want anymore to do with him. There are talks of family therapy, and frankly, I think me going to therapy with him would be like me going to therapy with a pack of cigarettes to try and work things out between us. It's not what you're supposed to do, you just get away from the cancer that's killing you.
Am I the asshole? I actually just got out of a fight so I'm a little scrambled. If there's necessary info missing before a verdict can be found, let me know.
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{
"description": "forgetting the ERRAND MY MOM sent me on",
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|
AITA FOR FORGETTING THE ERRAND MY MOM SENT ME ON
|
basically my mom told me to give a bag that my dad forgot to her maid so that he can take it to my dads office long story short I forgot to give him the the bag and sent my brother to the office empty handed as he did not ask for what reason he was sent to the office. when i told my mom she was fuming I tried to explain to her that the blame does not fall entirely on me as i did not intentionally forget to give him the bag in fact when I asked my mom if I should give him the bag immediately she said no that i should wait until he was on his way so basically now he is on his way to the office, does not have the bag and is not answering the phone.
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WRONG
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arkyqr
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{
"description": "ending a friend circle because of one single conversation",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
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|
AITA for ending a friend circle because of one single conversation?
|
Me along with 5 of my friends once was very close and we can talk about anything together. The circle was kind of being held together by me and I knew if I left then the circle is going to vanish sooner or later. Albeit, we all had fun in that circle, and I never would have thought we would split before graduating.
​
Someday near the winter holidays, we were eating lunch and talking stuff about Christmas dance parties, me and my friends never thought of going (we are homebodies). However, one of our friends, let's call him Ethan, starts talking about his friend and his friend’s girlfriend had invited him to one of the parties, and asked for our advice. Instead of giving advice, we started joking around where no one would dance with him at the dance party, and that his friend would just dance with his girlfriend, leaving him all alone standing at the dance floor like an idiot meanwhile suggesting us to have a gathering of our own the same day instead.
​
We thought it was a harmless joke and we would just start planning the gathering together, but Ethan took the joke very seriously, and said things like this… (all in order)
​
“I was asking for advice and all you guys are doing is mocking me.”
​
“If you guys are just going to joke around and not give alternatives of what we are going to do, I would rather just go to the party alone.”
​
This is where I realized that he was actually mad, but I thought we already suggested that we have a gathering of our own. So I tried to relieve him by saying it again, I didn’t even get to finish the sentence though, he interrupted me and said...
​
“Do you guys see even see me as a friend? Cause I don’t anymore.”
​
This is where I got really pissed, I never would say things like this even if I am really mad, especially not because of a joke. I was holding my anger in though, as everybody was leaving after a long awkward silence (I can tell they were disappointed too), I was the last to leave. I just said “Me neither.” then left.
​
It has been about 4 months since then, I never gathered with them anymore, although I missed the times that we spent together, I am still mad about Ethan’s words. My 5 other friends seem to have stopped gathering as well, though I have talked to the other 4 and they have already forgiven him. Sometimes I ask myself if I am too stingy and if I am the asshole.
​
AITA for ending a friend circle because of one single conversation?
​
P.S. My mother tongue is Cantonese, so the situation might be lost in translation. I tried my best and wish it is understandable.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
bOcgjnLou3s3UKWjejbs01aPChf38gY4
|
b3i2j1
|
{
"description": "not being comfortable with my G/F wanting to grow weed in our rental house in a country where its still illegal",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being comfortable with my G/F wanting to grow weed in our rental house in a country where its still illegal?
|
Lets start with the background that led to this issue then some context. My girlfriend was talking to a friend at work yesterday and discovered that he grows weed at home. She loves plants in general so this got her excited about idea of growing some at home herself and spent the whole day talking about it and getting more and more excited until she ordered some seeds online from overseas and excitedly told me about it. My reply to her said I was worried that it would only take one nosy neighbor to see something dodgy over a fence or overhear a conversation and we could be in a lot of trouble and that I was not comfortable with the risks. I didn't hear back from her for a while until she responded to say she was feeling sick which is what happens to her when she gets a hit of depression / anxiety which had happened because of my reply. This eventually led to an argument when we both got home from work. We both got emotional and we couldn't reach a mutual understanding and things are still tense between us today.
​
From her point of view, I was being overly and unnecessarily negative towards something that she was excited about and this had made feel feel miserable and made her regret sharing something with me. Admittedly, I do have a habit of doing this as it has happened in the past that I have acted negatively about things that I think are stupid that she is excited about. However, I insisted that this is a different case because it's not just another hobby she wants to pick up, it's actually something that is illegal and worst case if we get caught due to factors outside out control it could cost me my government job, could violate the terms of the lease on our rental house and get us kicked out, as well as fines or prison time in an extreme case. From my side of things, I feel like she is dismissing the risks and the fact that it's illegal because "we won't get caught" or because she learned about it from someone who hasn't been caught but she has also made me feel like I'm the one who is wrong and like I'm overreacting about the risk and looking at worst case rather than what is realistic.
​
In my country, possession is still illegal unless you have a prescription from a doctor for medicinal use and cultivation is illegal unless you have a license to do so. In my state in particular, possession under 15g as a first offense and for personal use typically gets you a mark on your criminal record and a formal caution but cultivation is considered alot more serious as it often gets treated as though you have intention to supply and depending on the information I find, the maximum charge could be anywhere from 2 - 10 years prison and $2200 - $11000 in fines (as per information I found from various local law firms about drug charges).
​
AITA for not backing down on my stance that I am not comfortable growing weed in our house?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zNJL4QX7qmA61Ntl9zAB4dAQLKwYzsE6
|
b9ui3y
|
{
"description": "snapping at my GF's friend because she thinks she's so educated",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 59
}
|
AITA For Snapping at My GF's Friend Because She Thinks She's So Educated?
|
I'm M22 and my gf and her friend are both F23. I have a 3 yr bachelors degree in business and work in software sales making pretty amazing money, her friend always talks shit about me not having a real degree because its a 3 yr degree not a 4 yr one. But I always consider it a real one, it's still a bachelor of commerce degree. Her and my gf are doing a masters in Public Policy after doing undergrads in poli sci and her friend thinks she's a genius. We debate about issues and she writes me off as ignorant or uneducated because she's getting her masters and I only have a bachelor. She basically thinks that's she's superior to me because of her education level. Last night we were both at my GF's place and we were talking about provinical politics in Ontario (Basically about Doug Ford if you know him) and she kept on saying she has more education than me so is smarter and her opinions are more valid. I told her to shut the fuck up because her masters in Public Policy is gonna get her a job at starbucks only.
She started to call me an asshole and douche and now my gf is hurt because they are in the same program.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 43,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 59
}
|
WRONG
|
PYwbRWSZw0yFtf00kSGhQtjGHtmQl5XP
|
9x6qop
|
{
"description": "not \"letting it go\" when my sister constantly treats me like shit",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not "letting it go" when my sister constantly treats me like shit?
|
Me(F23) and my sister (F28) don't really have a close relationship.
Me and her both live with my parents still. The longer than I am in this house with her I am trying *really really hard* not to hate her. She is constantly being extremely rude to me and starts yelling at me for no reason. She insults me and tells me I'm a bitch, nobody cares about me and that I'm a mistake because I wasn't planned and she was. When we are at family gatherings she likes to randomly announce that I'm flat chested (32B and proud) in front of my family and continue to laugh at me. When I am going out somewhere nice with my boyfriend she yells, calls me fat (I have a thin loli body), and insults me all the way out the door. If I go shopping, she throws my items out of the bags and yells at me "I thought you said you were broke?" and continues to yell about how I should quit school and get a "real" job (I work at a walgreens part time while in college). She has told me multiple times that she hates me. She wishes I would have an accident and wants bad things to happen to me.
​
Not only does she disrespect me but she constantly yells at my parents. Cursing out my mom because she gave her egg whites instead of just the egg yolk. Calling her poor, insulting her, and saying she makes "poor people food" when she makes Mexican dishes for dinner (we are mexican/chinese). My parents were on the poorer side when they got married but we now live comfortably and I've had many people tell us we have a nice house. She cusses out my dad when she wants him to buy something expensive and he says no because she has a good job and is living rent free, but eventually gives in because he can't handle it anymore.
​
I can't be nice to her anymore. She tries to act like everything is fine and tries being friendly with me the next day, *but i just can't.* She frustrates me so much I'm no longer nice to her. I don't have conversations with her. Shes tries coming into my room and sitting on my bed to "spend time with me" but I ask her to leave or I leave my own room. She tries to go out to eat with me but I tell her no, because 15 minutes into the lunch she will begin to yell at me again.
​
My parents tell me I am in the wrong for not letting it go and being rude back. That I should just be quiet and take it because "She is your sister."
I just need to know... am I the asshole for not dropping it and being rude back?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
9rWqVF3nfk4QEQen4kyNkn12vBniV4gb
|
atb7ta
|
{
"description": "being annoyed my brother keeps taking my cereal",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being annoyed my brother keeps taking my cereal?
|
I usually buy sweeter kinds of cereal (right now I've got chocolate shreddies and golden nuggets) because it's a nice treat in the morning. My brother eats porridge. I never take his porridge but he'll often take bowls of my cereal because he doesn't feel like porridge that particular morning. I always want him to reimburse me because the cereal I get is a small bit pricey and I've a fairly limited budget because I'm a student but he's always very slow to do it.
I've always told him he's not allowed take it but inevitably I'll find the cereal box lighter than when I left it. AITA for being frustrated with him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
iL8VuZOFjuZ7LiDSJX0Qgpn3m4nBs6ez
|
ac3mfd
|
{
"description": "treating cashiers like they're stupid to avoid getting the wrong change",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 32
}
|
AITA for treating cashiers like they’re stupid to avoid getting the wrong change
|
I pay in cash a lot of the time, and I like to avoid having any more than 5 singles in my wallet at a time, so I strategically give the cashier more dollar bills than necessary to cover the total, with the intention that my change will come out to $5.XX or $10.XX. This lets me get a larger denomination than one dollar bills so I’m not walking around with a bulging wallet that makes me look like I just robbed a strip club or a lemonade stand.
For several weeks this practice worked fine until one night a cashier assumed that I was either drunk, high, or disabled when I handed her a twenty-dollar bill and a one-dollar bill. I think in her mind, I was just shoving everything I had into her hands as if to say “Is this enough? Did I hand you enough paper to equals $15.81, pretty lady?” so she calmly handed the one-dollar bill back to me and gave me a very awkward $4.19 in change, consisting of no less than ten individual pieces of U.S. currency.
Now I didn’t want to make a scene then, but now every time I go to check out, I green-light my practice by first asking something like “if I hand you twelve dollars, will you understand what I am trying to accomplish even though ten would be enough to cover the total?” and they usually say yes. But occasionally people will say “what?” so I have to kinda treat them like it’s a stickup and say “here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to hand you a twenty-dollar bill, a ten-dollar bill, and three one-dollar bills. You’re going to take the money and type in *three three point zero zero* into the cash register and hit enter. My change is going to come to five dollars and ten cents, so you’re going to hand me a five-dollar bill and a dime. Ok?” and I occasionally get nasty looks from the cashiers or other customers.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to get burned again?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 32,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 32
}
|
WRONG
|
qcEC28R782pfnwaLomGrsvBZ6H86mqA2
|
a35lek
|
{
"description": "wanting my girlfriend to do a sport / lose weight",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for wanting my girlfriend to do a sport / lose weight?
|
She is not obese or really that overweight, shes a little chubby thats it. The thing is I go to the gym 4 times a week and Im mainly doing it because I wanted to get a healthy weight and gain more muscle mass (I was once kinda skinny). She hates any kind of sport. And she really hates the gym. But now for the actual part and why this is not just another (AITA??? (even though Im sure Im not hee hee)) kind of post.
Every day I see girls at the gym who look totally ordinary but with amazing body changes. And before someone says omg you look at girls in the gym...come on, literally every guy glimpses now and then and because they are literally all round you its kinda hard to not see sometimes.
I cant help but thinking I want... that too. I work out a lot and made a lot of changes to my body, I am at a healthy weight, I have a more toned body and whenever I bring it up casually its like no haha fuck sports.
AITA for wanting my gf to do at least a few squats every now and then? Do a little bit of running or something? Im an honest dude. I really like her personality but of course I also like a good body for my partner. She is lucky that she has this naturally "curvy" waistline to hip and shoulders but a couple things do honestly bother me.
So yeah feedback apprecciated maybe Im being a judgemental asshat idk.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
cTjju2puUwRout3OJmjkOmwgPRZPDis7
|
b1toqg
|
{
"description": "being pissed at my friend for asking if I was gay in front of others",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being pissed at my friend for asking if I was gay in front of others?
|
My friends and I decided to hang out with my other friend (lets call him K) and his friends a few years ago. While we were eating food, K I assume remembered how he had brought up a question I never answered a couple days back. So while I was busy examining a tree because I was ignored, he says. “Hey J, are you gay?” Everyone was looking at me and I said “N-No.” Embarrassed by the fact I was bisexual.
I had problems with my sexuality a few months before and was afraid in what would happen if I told them. After I lied saying I wasn’t he responded by saying I was smiling. I had enough of that shit and said I had to go to the bathroom.
I went to the bathroom and went home, avoiding the issue, or I fucking thought until they brought it up again. I was pissed and simply said “I dont know.” Now looking back that was about the dumbest response and I should have just confessed that I was bisexual. They started laughing and asked how I didn’t know, I was pissed enough and just about ready to explode with anger.
I went over to a bench saying I found something, called my best friend, went back and said she needed me at her house, and left.
So, AITA for being completely pissed and not talking to them for the next couple of months?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Bzoq6j9QuUYt1ilH8f53IBW3Im207Kuq
|
aqqo42
|
{
"description": "fighting with my girlfriend on Valentine's day",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for fighting with my girlfriend on Valentine's Day
|
It started this morning when the dog was barking. I went to bed late last night and was exhausted and told my girlfriend to take the dog out. She told me, if you want the dog out then you go take him out. I told her I was tired from the night before and wanted to sleep. She rolled her eyes at me and then took the dog out.
Later when I got up I told her I didn't appreciate her attitude, she told me, don't boss me around, I told her I didn't but it would've been nice for her to do that for me without complaining. She told me, you are picking on me and I said I'm not but she told me she was going to work and left and didn't let me defend myself.
I come home tonight and she made soup for dinner knowing that I don't like soup. I asked why she didn't make chicken like we agreed we'd have for Valentine's Day and she told me she didn't have all the ingredients. I asked why she didn't go to the store and she cried and told me, you always criticize me (not true). I told her I support you and help you with things all the time and listen to you when you have a hard day, so why are you being difficult and making this a big thing. She told me, eat the soup or eat nothing. I told her she was treating me like a child, she told me, you're acting like a child for picking a fight on Valentine's Day. I told her I wasn't picking a fight, she blew up over small things.
Am I wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
6jKevPMNjdliauXrK2twAxiisBhPq9PF
|
a2ui3b
|
{
"description": "getting angry when a \"friend\" is ghosting me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting angry when a "friend" is ghosting me?
|
So I have/had this friend that I got along pretty well with and she just so happens to sorta be my type and I developed a decent sized crush on her. Only problem is that she had a boyfriend while we were friends, which was fine, I was ok with being friends. Anyway I had some people round about 3-4 months ago for predrinks before town, and she came and met some of my friends and we all got drunk and had a good time. She gave me lifts a couple of times, just me and her, and I helped her pick up her car because her bfs car was broken down. Anyway about a month and a half after predrinks she won't reply to my messages I just sense something is up, but don't confront her. So I find out a few weeks later that she told my other friend that one of my mates told her I was trying to get in her pants (I wasn't), I simply told them I was attracted to her etc. Anyway that was why she wasn't talking to me and she said she'd be angry if I tried to talk to her about it. A few days ago I noticed she deleted me off FB and o just got really mad (kinda unreasonably) when I didn't really care when we stopped being friends cause it was getting hard liking a girl that had a bf. Anyway I rang my friend and I said I was gonna confront her cause I was really mad and she said not to cause she just broke up with her bf. I was oddly sympathetic, but couldn't hold back the urge to message her so I just sent something short and nice explaining myself and she didn't respond. I never found out which one of my mates told her what she claimed they did.
Did I do something wrong here? I'm still kinda angry about the whole situation, I just wish she'd at least explain herself or say she's not interested in me like that. We got along quite well TBH, and our mutual friend even told me she thought that this other girl would hook up with me, and another mutual friend has made comments too.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
enRliMvtXqiEJtHf1HXjCMHXf9hevbf3
|
b0pkn7
|
{
"description": "not allowing any of my ex's side of the family to come to my son's birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 96,
"contranormative_score": 113
}
|
AITA for not allowing any of my ex’s side of the family to come to my son’s birthday party?
|
My son is turning 6. His father and I are divorced. We share custody 50/50. My son’s birthday falls on my time and I’m throwing him a party for friends and family. I guess when he was with his father’s mother he asked her if she was coming to his party. My ex told me when he dropped him off that she would like to attend. I said absolutely not.
I’m not being spiteful or petty. His entire family basically shut me out completely after the divorce. I got no support from any of them even though it was my ex’s choice to end the relationship and leave. His family was supposed to be my family too, and they all completely took his side.
I don’t want them in my house. They can have their own party during ex’s time as far as I’m concerned.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 104,
"OTHER": 79,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 17,
"INFO": 9
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 96,
"WRONG": 113
}
|
WRONG
|
S4eG5SpV8EgNfQWolTHG99BrB7HI6ggC
|
ax13aw
|
{
"description": "leaving a behind a very gross mess in the bathroom for a grouchy old woman who was rushing me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for leaving a behind a very gross mess in the bathroom for a grouchy old woman who was rushing me?
|
I was in the only bathroom at a coffee shop, in the process of relieving myself (#2), when an extremely rude elderly woman interrupted my relative peace. Extensive jiggling of the doorknob went on despite the fact that the door was locked and the “occupied” sign was clearly displayed. Some time passes, and I hear her speaking very loudly to another person in line (knowing I can hear her), complaining, “This person has been in here since the 1930’s!”, followed by a lot more jiggling. That was a tremendous exaggeration, as I had been moving as fast as I could.
However, I decided to take the woman at her word and assume that this was a true emergency; why else would someone be so overly dramatic? I decided that in order to ensure she be able to relieve herself ASAP and prevent an emergency situation, I must cut as many corners as possible. I didn’t flush the EXTREMELY large object left behind in the toilet, as I know stopping to flush would take up needless time and delay her from getting in, which she had made very clear she was desperate to do. As I relieved myself the other way (#1) before heading out, I did so very quickly and thus sloppily (as I needed to hurry for her!) and did not wipe off the toilet or put down the seat afterwards; doing all this would also delay her wish of having me out of the bathroom.
I exited the bathroom, greeted by her scowl, and just about ten seconds after she went inside, I heard her storm back out. She walked up to me and gave me quite the barrage of obscenities for the mess I had left her. I can understand that what I left behind was a less than lovely sight, but shouldn’t she be **happy** with me that I attended to her wishes and got the hell out of that bathroom as quickly as I could? If you make so clear you need to use the bathroom desperately, isn’t it sort of ridiculous to complain that its previous user didn’t spend an eternity getting it in tip top shape? Some people are just never happy, I guess.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 16
}
|
WRONG
|
kOQRmosyGgzBkvsuCWVCls3SqsrgJbJa
|
b5ne9d
|
{
"description": "preferring my husband's help with our twin babies instead of our moms' help",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for preferring my husband’s help with our twin babies instead of our moms’ help?
|
We have five month old twins who still aren’t sleeping through the night. I’m staying at home until they start going to school, and my husband has a job where he is very busy February-April. The situation with both of our moms isn’t ideal. My mom: not sure if she’s one of those narcissistic moms, but definitely super defensive, can be very selfish. She is the only reason I have felt upset and alone since having the twins because of this behavior. His mom: my husband and I had a mild falling out with his parents for about a year before we had the twins. Things have been better since, but before they just weren’t very supportive when we needed their help, and they are extremely overbearing, impulsive people.
Needless to say, I would rather just have my husband and I handle our babies in a caregiver role. I give his mom credit for trying to make an effort to do better with respecting our boundaries, but I guess I’m just not over the years of craziness prior to this. My husband thinks that since he’s busy at work, that asking our moms for help should be my first option. I’ve agreed that I need to suck it up during this time, so I went to my moms for a week a handful of times, and it just doesn’t fully work out. There’s tension, she questions everything I do with the babies, it’s just miserable overall. His mom works, so she would only be able to help in the evenings for a few hours anyway.
I try my best to do it all on my own, but every once in a while I don’t get enough sleep and need a break. This is when my husband rolls his eyes that he has to rearrange things at work and help me more when I really don’t want to have our moms help. So, am I the asshole for being stubborn on this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
tuQKvxI2BqBtBC6PWSM8xnup4mOScP9H
|
aud3cv
|
{
"description": "wanting to go to a concert alone",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to go to a concert alone?
|
I (F22) bought a ticket to see a lesser known band I really like a few months ago. I showed my friend (M21) this band awhile ago, and he liked their stuff.
When I originally bought my ticket for the show, we did not discuss going together. I had simply said I bought a ticket for it. Fast forward to last week. My friend asked me if I was still going to the concert. I replied that I was, and I had bought M&G as well. He then proceeds to tell me that he had bought a ticket and "totally forgot about it". He said that upon look for another ticket in his e-mail, he found that he had bought a ticket for the show. He told me "So I'll see you there?"
This made me uncomfortable for a couple of reasons. One, I am having a hard time believing he forgot he bought a ticket. Because it is a band he knows I like and knew I bought a ticket for, I find it hard to believe he wouldn't have told me when he bought it. It also sold out within the first week, so it happened fairly soon after I got mine.
Another reason is that he has done this to me before. I bought a ticket for myself to see a band I liked, and while I was on my way to the venue, he texted me to tell me he was in line. I had no idea he was going, and I ended up having to stand with him the whole concert. When the concert ended, I was ready to Uber home, and he talked me up for an hour.
I personally prefer going to concerts alone; I feel like I can be more carefree and when the artists mean a lot to me, it is sort of an emotional experience I feel uncomfortable sharing with others. I don't have to worry about being judged, and even if I feel my friends wouldn't judge me, it is a personal experience for me.
Obviously I don't believe the solution is telling him he can't go to shows for bands I like. That would be completely unfair and entitled to suggest he couldn't. However, these shows aren't huge. I can't really avoid him if I wanted to, and I don't know if I am an asshole for thinking I shouldn't have to see a concert with someone just because they bought a ticket as well?
For context, I do not believe this has anything to do with romantic feelings. We don't hangout often, and mostly communicate over text.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
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