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V4fJAoGXMfiLUdvKgbmKgX2NUG5cSt92
|
b1m1co
|
{
"description": "using a family bathroom when I was by myself",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I used a family bathroom when I was by myself?
|
Hear me out. I was doing some contracting work in an upscale mall the other day. Both I and my friend I was working with had to shit really bad. Men’s room only had 2 stalls and one was already occupied, so I let him go first only if he agreed to make it quick. 5-10 minutes pass, he’s still in there.
I’m crowning at this moment, big brown dog barking at my back door. I look around, lo and behold I see a family restroom. I run, but not too fast to the door. No sooner do I put my hand on the knob this voice behind me says “Don’t use that restroom”. I turn around and it’s the mall maintenance man who thinks he’s the long dick of the law.
I tell him it’s an emergency and proceed to walk in and lock the door behind me and do my business. 5 minutes pass I walk out feeling like a new man. He approaches me and we get into an argument about how I completely disregarded his warning, “I can throw you out, ya know”, blah-blah, etc. We go back and forth til he finally shuts up and walks off. Is there a law saying I can’t use that restroom? There’s a male symbol on the sign. Who’s the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
RNPzYURtWyIl5MYVNJ6IdkmwRi3GyBjM
|
b2o7wx
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{
"description": "wanting my cousin to leave",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA, for wanting my cousin to leave?
|
Throwaway account.
My cousin(F/32) has been living with me (F/29) and my family rent free for the past 4 years. She had a rough life, from absent parents, hostile relationship with her siblings to abusive romantic relationships. She never finished high school, so while shes staying with me and my family, she's studying to get her GED and potentially an associate's degree. To ease her into the transition of living with me and my family, I introduced her to my friends, and associates hoping that she would find a friend among my friends. I thought I was being supportive by allowing her stay rent free to ease the financial burdens and help her "restart" her life. I recently found out that shes been talking smack about me and my family saying we're manipulative and spreading rumors about us not only to her friends but to the rest of our extended family. She masterfully plays the victim card, in these conversations. Even though I know shes talking shit, I have to confront her. She been more passive aggressive and raising the music as loud as she can, slamming doors and stomping in the apartment knowing that I have neighbors. Am I the asshole, if I tell her to leave?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Tui9CySOeauIMCU8E7fzrnrzUGYepjRA
|
aycs51
|
{
"description": "making my partner deal with her seizures alone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For making my partner deal with her seizures alone?
|
So my partner is epileptic. It's currently a bit uncontrolled and the doctors don't know what's causing them or exactly what type of seizures they are yet, despite having had seizures for about 10 years. She's forgotten/refused to take her meds for the past couple of days which has caused her to have some seizures last night and today; naturally, her body is hurting from it all. The latest meds she's been taking have kept her pretty stable to the point where I'd forget she even has epilepsy (she's not photosensitive)
​
I'm starting a new job in a couple of weeks and I've been caught extremely short on money (being paid about 20% of my usual wage this month and I get the higher wage out of both of us). I've used up my savings helping my partner get out of financial trouble and we also have some ongoing expenses that can't be missed but aren't part of 'regular' billing (new sofa, holiday. Stuff like that)
​
Although I'm starting a new job, I don't have any spare flexi-time or annual leave hours to take for me to go home and look after her. If I do go then the company would charge me for time owed. which of course I can't afford. We've been together for coming up to 2 years so I'm used to her seizures now and I know how to deal with them, however I can't really help much even when I'm there. I've take her up to the hospital many times to make sure she's okay and every single time we've just ended up sitting around all night long just to be discharged in the morning with nothing but a "you're fine. just get some rest"
​
Writing this I feel like the asshole for not helping, of course I don't want her to suffer, however I'm very financially focused at the moment as it's what I'm feeling the most pressure from.
​
AITA?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
qTcLyhICMduQ57AkxELSyYMRqpc6oZe4
|
awhlj0
|
{
"description": "not saying hello",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not saying hello?
|
I had just gotton off the bus, and was digging around for my ear buds. I found them, stuck them in and walked a little before I was about to turn the music on. This random kid, walking with his friend, both probably my age says hi to me. I stared at him blankly, trying to think if I know him or something. I mean, no one has ever randomly aaod hi to me, but my face is a resting bitch face so he probably thought I was upset or something. Next thing I know, he says, "fine, fuck you fucking bitch cunt" all because I didnt say hi... I was just all around shocked. Maybe I should of said hi, but he was a random guy, and he was just so aggressive. I looked back as I walked past him, and he looked very upset, and was whisper yelling to his friend. Naturally I turned on my music and kept walking.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Kol8arXTYYeOmv1u7hJqOxiaxGC083Gi
|
9vrl73
|
{
"description": "breaking off a friendship with a girl because of her social anxiety",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking off a friendship with a girl because of her social anxiety?
|
I’ve been friends with this girl for about 3 years now and we went on a couple dates as well. But whenever I’m around her I feel very stressed out and frankly I don’t enjoy her presence. It becomes a burden to be around her because she talks almost exclusively about drama that she makes up. She has social anxiety and I just had a conversation with her and I was totally honest - I used to feel justified but she’s making me feel like an ass hole. Am I the ass hole for breaking off our friendship because of her social anxiety?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
hrifxg98jCqRzaFOa505Qo1ckymQfHBc
|
9ul8kg
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to not tell his friends about our sex life",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to not tell his friends about our sex life?
|
To begin, this is a fairly new relationship.
My boyfriend and I are in the same social group and I found out he had told two members of our friend group what we had done the other night.
This had happened a couple weeks before as well and our friend told every other friend in our group. I had told him how I felt about it and explained that I didn't care if they knew everything else about our relationship, just not the details of our sex life, I feel that should just be between us. When confronted, he said they were close friends and that he can't hide anything from them.
AITA reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 31,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 32,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
rI1ntsJt530TDEjK8NSLAeRHtM0hD22h
|
awzdw4
|
{
"description": "getting upset that my GF made plans after changing plans with me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For getting upset that my GF made plans after changing plans with me?
|
So I (24m) am in a polyamorous relationship. My GF (23F) has another BF (24m). My GF and I were planning on spending last night and all day together for most of the week, but complications came up throughout the week and those plans went through several iterations. Now, we did spend most of Wednesday afternoon/evening together, but then she spent most of Thursday with her BF, Thursday night, all day Friday, and then Friday night with him. They don't get to see each other as often as she and I do, so that's chill.
When other stuff came up towards the end of the week, I wanted to confirm that our plans were still on, but she, after having spent so much time with the two of us this week, felt like she needed a rest day, so we decided that our plans were off, so she could have Sunday (today) to herself. I was obviously disappointed, but I understood. Then some shit came up with me and I was in a bad place, and I leant on her a lot through this. Then the whole situation changed again and it was now an option for me to stay over at her house last night, but it was too late for me to arrange that on my end. We bother really wanted to see each other after dealing with all my stuff, but it just wasn't viable. So I continued to insist that she just enjoy her day for herself. Recharge, recenter, etc.
But then she goes out for lunch with her other BF and ends up spending most of the day with him and that really upset me, so I mentioned that to her, and she said that I had ample opportunity to go back to the original plan of us spending time together today, but I know how much she was needing time to herself. I'm not upset at her for spending time with her other BF, it just feels like if she was going to make plans with somebody, why not try and make other plans with me again? AITA for being upset about this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
fVfWbOxkhMKtLBB0RtVwSeuXp1hW9wvO
|
au18sm
|
{
"description": "making fun of my friend for something he couldn't control",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for making fun of my friend for something he couldn't control?
|
made a throwaway account to post this
bit of background:
I've spoken to this specific friend about my troubles about being bisexual and all he really did was roast me for being gay so one day he said something that pushed me to my boiling point and I might have gone too far.
basically, me and my best friend were having a conversation, it went something like this:
M = Me, F = Friend
M: my parent just told me they hate homosexuals because it goes against god, I really don't know what to do anymore at this point
F: your parents sound smart, kys
M: so you dont like gay people?
F: yeah lol they're gay
M: then why the fr\*ck did you kiss that guy on the bus?
F: I'm blocking you
M: homophobic hypocritical (obscenity)
​
so basically, one day he was taking a bus and a guy just came up to him and deeply kissed him on the lips and he told me he's kind of haunted by it, I really regret saying all that at this point but I have a really low boiling point. I stupidly thought since he was roasting me for something I couldn't control that I would do the same thing.
Am I The Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
NN15uqV2iEYuMTLZbU9Q3cknxyw4ZfFA
|
a9kgao
|
{
"description": "standing up to my girlfriends aunt",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for standing up to my girlfriends aunt
|
Me and my girlfriend have been together for over a year, I never liked her family. To me they’re manipulative and abusive. Today was Christmas Day, I am in Iceland for vacation and she was at her aunts house celebrating. The only thing she got as a present was a target gift card with no price on it while everyone else got gift cards, clothes, blankets, etc. Her family never really gets her anything she tells me. This is my second Christmas with her and I can confirm she get shit for Christmas. Well after she got home she decided to text her aunt and ask her how much was on the card and this is the response she got-
[Messages](https://imgur.com/a/h4qX2bz)
I’m sick of her family’s shit. They have always been assholes to her. My girlfriend says I shouldn’t send anything because it would stir up drama. Would I be the asshole if I sent a text along the lines of “ There is no need to be rude to her, all she wants to know is how much money is on the card” even though my girlfriend doesn’t want me too.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZYUWatCcWbGQIyD641BXFJb3lUW7uV2D
|
aoudbm
|
{
"description": "being upset after my best friend stops talking to me after having sex once",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset after my best friend stops talking to me after having sex once
|
Brace yourselves it’s a long winded one.
So I’ve (20m) been friends with this girl (20f) since I started secondary school, so around 8 years. And in that time we’ve never dated, but I’ve been incredibly close to her, I have basically been her best friend and closest friend for all that time. She’s had several serious relationships in that time and all the while I’ve been in love with her. I didn’t tell her till around 6 months ago, we were both just chilling and for some reason we both started talking about “how come we never got together”.
Well I just came out with it, told her how hard it was for me over these last few years especially being the third wheel. I mean I have been in a couple of relationships, but all the time I was wishing it was her ( unhealthy as fuck I know). But surprisingly she said she felt the same, she told me she has had the same feelings about me for a while too.
We make out, nothing too major and I go home, the next day I get a message saying we shouldn’t talk for a bit as she needs to clear her head, I think cool no worries, everything’s fine. 4 months pass and I hear nothing, I try messaging her but she leaves it on open. All until a few days before Christmas.
She messages me asking to meet up, me being over the heals in love with her, I just say yes. Invite her over and we talk for a little bit, she kisses me and we then start to have sex (escalated madly I know). Afterwards is nice again, we chill, I think everything is fine. Until she leaves and messages me the next day with the same thing, this time she feels like she can’t talk to me anymore. However a week later she asks me to transfer her some money (as she’s at uni) to help her get some food (around £50). And I still don’t hear anything back for a while.
Now I’m really upset and I don’t know how to feel, just confused and a little bit unsure what to think, have I been used?
Any advice would be cool
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EJK8aBqB3O24f9zr0dNVEAd65eF94be1
|
b2mx8r
|
{
"description": "lying to my crush to spend more time with her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for lying to my crush to spend more time with her?
|
My crush, let's call her Rachel, is a national-level tennis player. I just met her at the beginning of this semester, since I moved states during winter break. I haven't been able to get an 'in' with her, so to speak. We're kind of casual friends that hang out at school, but nothing more. So I asked her last week (before spring break) what she was doing on spring break. She said not much, just teaching one of her friends to play tennis. I realized this was a chance and said to her, 'I've always wanted to play tennis, but I never got a chance. Can you teach me over spring break?'
The thing is, this is a lie. What Rachel doesn't know is that my dad was a D1 tennis player in college and I grew up playing tennis, and was semi-competitive as a kid, but after my mom and him divorced, I really stopped playing and focused on swimming. But she doesn't know this because I just moved here a few months ago.
So basically, I told two lies to her: 1) I don't know how to play tennis and 2) I'm interested in learning. So far, it's going great. I'm playing the part of a beginner- albeit a good beginner- really well, and she and I are hanging out more.
But I was texting a friend from my old school about all this, and he said it was a asshole move to lie to her. I said it was a harmless lie, and do think so.
So, aita, or am I in the right here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
fgf7V8srcggHRsjrFLopmJAskqn0FkN8
|
at8ll0
| null |
AITA? I took issue with my friend's costume; she thinks I'm being ridiculous
|
I've know this person since the start of college, so about two years. I've never known her to be particularly asshole-ish or insensitive, so her current behavior has taken me a bit by surprise. But I think she's being a huge asshole. Here's why:
Last night we went to a rave-ish type theme party on campus. People were in some pretty crazy get-ups, as you might expect. I found said friend in the crowd at some point. She was wearing a multi-colored, skimpy approximation of an old-fashioned "Indian" (Native American) costume, complete with headdress.
Now, she knows I'm Native myself (Ojibwe). And she knew I'd be at the party. So I can't really fathom how she thought that it would be a good idea to wear that. For reasons that I hope are obvious, I found her costume incredibly offensive, and told her so. She was and is currently extremely defensive and completely dug in. I've explained to her why I think that wearing that stuff is wrong. She refuses to see it as an issue, and in fact thinks I'm an asshole for making so much of it. And as far as I can tell, I'm the only one in our friend group (or in general) who cares. For what it's worth, the handful of other students of Native ancestry agree with me.
It's not like I get a ton of pleasure out of shaming her for this. But she's being an asshole, right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
HTY4OkO7C8Xix6P09X8qrF2uqNP3s0Kp
|
b9lwa5
|
{
"description": "calling my cousin (?) to tell her about our grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling my (19f) cousin (26f?) to tell her about our grandmother (80)?
|
Today was a wild one. The caretaker for our grandmother is going to quit once my mom comes back from an overseas trip. She was really fed up with my grandmother obsessing and ripping the diaper off of herself every time she, the caretaker, would put it on.
During the ordeal I called my cousin as she hasn’t had many updates about our grandmother’s condition after moving to our house. Both my mom and dad were pissed at me saying, “they (my cousin and aunt) are not going to do shit. They have nothing to do with this. She can’t do anything. She doesn’t need to know about this” and “what was your point in calling her?”. I honestly don’t know why I called her. It was more of a response to the heat of the moment. My dad was like “you don’t do some shit like that wtf is wrong with you!” And all that pizazz.
I don’t see what I did wrong. Was I the asshole for calling my cousin?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Wb1Gew77nbMGk0tRmt9l9tYmKTt1OrwL
|
a67lee
|
{
"description": "getting upset that my boyfriend went out drinking before my birthday date with him",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting upset that my boyfriend went out drinking before my birthday date with him?
|
BF (m/33) and I (f/about to be 34) have been together 3 years. Last year, he totally dropped the ball and planned nothing (not even a card). This year, I heavily suggested (aka, planned) what I wanted to do... Starting with, we stay up Thursday night and watch the meteor shower and then stay home together from work on Friday. I figured we could sleep in, just enjoy each other, maybe get breakfast.
Well, to start with, he first bailed on taking Friday off together, after he agreed to it with me, because he had to work. I was bummed but said of course, and I will see you when you get off work and we can set up for the meteors.
Then, he tells me the night before that the meteor showers don’t peak til late, so he’s going to do his usual Thursday night xbox night and then he’ll hop off closer to midnight and we can go outside. I voiced that I was not okay with that, and I asked him to please give up xbox for one night, since it’s my weekend.
Lastly, I got a txt from him while I was still at work yesterday, stating that he was going to go out and grab a couple of beers with friends and he’d see me back at the house later. I again expressed my feelings were hurt and I wanted us to save our drinking for outside, because when he drinks too much, he either falls asleep or gets really angry... so I wanted to wait and drink together while watching the stars. He shut down supremely and said I needed to respect him and his life, and he wasn’t changing his plans.
Needless to say, when he got home, I wasn’t happy and so I was cold to him... and that pissed him off and we had a huge fight over the whole thing, because he says I am the asshole for trying to “control” him and that I live in a fairytale world, if I think any man is going to set up special blankets and drinks outside for us to watch meteor showers. The way I see it, he is the asshole for standing me up for my birthday plans. And just for clarification, my bday is Saturday. It wasn’t last night/the night of the meteor shower, I just thought it would be a nice kick off and romantic for us, especially since he’s been dropping the ball so much lately.
So, Reddit... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
uSnT6FNQ22jimL4Ew45q8MFEWBFTyn1M
|
aqe7xb
| null |
AITA for how I handled leaving my old apartment
|
Right out of college 2.5 years ago I moved to a new city. One of my good buddies (who I've known since elementary school) lived in the same town so we decided to get an apartment together. His girlfriend of 6 weeks was in between leases when we moved in so she and her puppy stayed with us. About a month after we moved in, my buddy tells (doesn't ask) me that she and the puppy are staying for good. I wasn't expecting her to move in when we signed the lease so we split the security deposit down the middle between he and I $400 each.
​
Fast forward to last month when I moved out. We were month to month so I did him a solid and just took my name off the lease and didn't demand the landlord to release the security deposit so he and his gf could stay month to month because they didn't want to sign a 12 month lease. We discussed the security deposit before I went on a two week trip before I moved out through email and told him what I think would be fair for us to do and he suggested he could buy my $400 share outright or we could just wait until they move out, get the security deposit back, and divvy it up from there. I said that I think it'd be fair that his gf pay me $133 for what she theoretically should've paid me when we all moved in for what her share was as well as an additional $133 as a sort of advance for moving out. That would mean I'd have gotten $266 of the $400 of the security deposit that was under my name back; I reiterated to him that I would pay for any damages that were public area damages (we had some wall scratches) or any damages that were from my bedroom/bathroom. There were a handful of other things we discussed in the email so he said that we would discuss when I got back from the trip. When I got back from my trip, I gathered all my belongings, did a light clean of my bathroom/bedroom (the only non-public area), and moved out.
​
A couple weekends ago I remembered they never paid me anything so I texted them both asking if they could send me $133 for the gf's share (again, realistically should've paid me when she moved in for her share of the security deposit). I then said I think it'd be fair to send me another $133 (half of the remaining security deposit in my name) like I mentioned earlier in the email as an advance because I had moved out and when my buddy and his gf move out and we get our refund, I can just pay him what I owe for any damages or he can just give me whatever refund I'm owed. He texted me back saying that I left the bathroom in such a bad condition that it took them 4 hours to clean and that he wasn't even going to send me the $133 of the gf's share because it was so bad. I said hand up I guess I could've cleaned a little bit harder but if they thought it was so bad, why didn't they ask me to come back and clean some more (I moved to a house 5 minutes down the road) because I didn't purposely leave them with a dirty bathroom and I doubt it took 4 hours to clean a toilet and a shower that long. He sent me a picture of my toilet with piss drips on the bottom of the toilet that would've taken literally 2 minutes to clean and a picture of my shower floor that, even with the most conservative of estimates, would have taken an hour max of deep cleaning. The gf texted me asking if she really thought that if we had all moved out at the same time if I really thought they weren't going to charge me for cleaning the bathroom. I responded saying I would've paid it if they charged us because it was obviously my bathroom. My buddy came back and essentially said they're going to take off $60 of the gf's share she owed me as a cleaning fee and that he wouldn't give me the other money as an advance.
​
That's when I got kinda pissed. I said it wasn't even about the money, they were supposed to be my friends and instead of asking me to come back and clean my bathroom, they took pictures and used it as leverage as to why they shouldn't pay me any of the security deposit when I didn't even know that they were unsatisfied on how I left the bathroom. (Hell, I would've even offered to throw them some money if they had initially told me that they cleaned the bathroom but to not tell me and then think they have the right to charge me a cleaning fee is bullshit) He said I was a bad friend for how I left the bathroom and at that point I went off. I told him how I dealt with his gf and her puppy moving in even though I didn't sign up for it, cleaning up when the dog shit in the apartment and taking it out for walks when they weren't home, not demanding I pay less rent when I had two roommates in a two person apartment (I was paying half the rent), and doing him a solid by not asking for the security deposit back when I moved out so they could stay on month to month. I said if all that negates how bad the bathroom was then so be it. I told him I wouldn't be responding anymore because it was futile. He responds that it wasn't just the bathroom, it was "a list of things" (don't know what the list could be seeing as I'm only responsible for cleaning my bathroom/bedroom if they continue to live there).
​
For what it's worth, the gf eventually sent me her share of $133 but was a bitch about it (ie. both of them went a day and a half without responding to me and later, after I don't respond for two hours, she sends a follow up text "Any thoughts about what I just said????"). My buddy did not send me the additional $133 I requested as an advance for moving out. My buddy was just genuinely unpleasant to be around while living with him so that coupled with how they handled the security deposit probably means we aren't grabbing beers anytime soon.
​
Lastly, I'm not going to do it because I think it'd be petty but WIBTA if I called the landlord and told them that somebody who is not on the lease has been living there for 2.5 years and that they need to release the security deposit.
​
TL;DR - my buddy of like 15 years tried charging me a $60 cleaning fee despite not knowing they weren't happy on how I left the bathroom and for everything I did for them/tolerated over the last 2.5 years of living together.
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"description": "wanting to make someone commit to their debt",
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|
AITA for wanting to make someone commit to their debt?
|
Yeah, it's about a touchy subject, so it's more nuanced than the generalization of the title.
This happened quite a few years back, but it's still something that gets me back and forth in a debate with myself when I'm reminded by it by a single solitary image I can often see floating on the internet. Sometimes I reason myself into thinking that I was in the right, and other times I can reason myself into believing I was in the wrong.
Back then, me and my friend were both furries. Don't laugh; it's important to the story. We were the cliche kind, too. "Do you rp?"'s and "owo"'s were tossed around daily between us. Yeah, we did rp, very intensely in fact. We'd switch off who gets to be lead, and the lead chooses who doms, what the characters are, what the main gist is, what the main kinks are, etc. Yes, this is important. We also both really liked one very particular artist a lot.
I had gotten a job so that I could feed my Xbox 360 with games and my FA with art. I decided that with my first paycheck, I'd surprise my friend with art of his OC from our favorite artist as a birthday present, since he was about to turn 19. The piece was $70, and when I broke the news, he wasn't exactly the most enthusiastic. Mind you, at just 16, working only 6 or 7 hours every week, $70 was a ton of money for me. I mean, that could buy the newest Halo game and a bunch of soda! So, seeing that he was not excited at all about it, I felt as though he didn't care that much, so I decided to supplement my OC into his lineart. The only thing that the artist needed to change was the tail, after all. It wasn't close to being colored
When I told him, he was distraught.
Mind you, he gave the same "oh cool I guess" reaction across the 2 days after I ordered it. When I was trying to hype him up, he would send short answers with the periods, which was very weird for him.
He was so saddened that I wasn't buying him free art for his character anymore. I told him that I really didn't want to inconvenience the artist any further because he already has to redo the sketch of the tail. But, he was desperate, so he wants to buy it back. He can't pay with money of course, else he'd buy it himself, evident by how much he wanted it so much, so he said that he'd do a 'scene' for every dollar it cost me. I'd be able to control the rp for 75 scenes, which are basically just things meant to get each other off, and he'd get his art (75 because of a new $5 inconvenience fee from the artist for changing so much).
Mind you, this is NOT sex, or illegal. It is not prostitution. He also turned 19, so he was an adult +1 year more. A furry rp is a textual adventure. There is no trading of nudes and there is no irl stuffs. Think of it akin to hiring an writer to help write half of a book.
I control the kinks, who doms, the characters, all that jazz. We got through 40 scenes, and then he started to wane.
He sorta just stopped doing it for a month at 30 left. He was sick, he had a headache, he had a ton of homework, he had to hang out with friends, etc. Of course being the horny kid I was I kept badgering him, and I eventually got him to say what my suspicions were all along. He was just bored of it all. He simply didn't want to rp anymore. Of course this was after he got his piece of art and I had sent it to him.
I didn't just want to rp at that point. I was angry; I felt as if a friend had used me. We agreed on a deal based on his terms, and he didn't follow through with it just because it inconvenienced him. Or, at least, that's what it felt like.
We did one more rp or so, and then three days later I gave him the option to buy back the scenes at the same 1-dollar-rate. He sent 20, and planned to do the last nine in the week, which he did.
Back then, I was a satisfied little teen that had gotten a finished service. Just a few months later, I started reflecting on what I did, and doubt started eating away at my verdict.
Am I the asshole for making him finish such an odd debt? Granted, you have to imagine the kinds of conversations a horny 16 yo teen was throwing at the guy to influence him to continue; he didn't want to do anything at all, not even send the money back. I didn't cuss the guy out; I wasn't allowed, but I used a very upset and angry tone with him.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "wanting to go out with my best friend and not hangout with my so",
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|
AITA for wanting to go out with my best friend and not hangout with my SO
|
Background: I (22M) will be graduating next week and moving away from school to start my job. Me and my SO (22F) spend most of our time together other then when we have class or have a lot of assignments to do. We have been dating for 2.5 years at this point and will continue to date once I leave for work.(Work is 3 hours away.) Understandably, she is upset that we have to be long distance with my job and wants to spend as much time as possible together before I leave.
The situation: Being my last week before I move I wanted to hangout with my best friend from school (one of my best friends overall) before moving after not hanging out for who knows how long. We haven’t hung out much this semester due to it being both our senior years and having a lot of school obligations. She is very upset with me for wanting to go out to grab a few beers with him, stating that we have had these plans made (staying in because she has to study) for over a week. Mind you we always “plan” on hanging out and never really deviate from that but my friends don’t make plans that far in advance so she feels slighted when I wanted to change them. We have been arguing about this for a few days now, as I am still planning on going to grab a beer with him. It really kills the mood as she isn’t acting sad but more frustrated and angry that I’m “choosing to hangout with him instead of her” I understand her being sad to lose some time with me but at most it’s 4 hours of the day. I don’t understand how she is still angry at me for wanting to catch up with my friend one last time before I leave and won’t see him for an indefinite period of time.
AITA for wanting to grab a beer with my friend still?
(Sorry for formatting and any typos I am on mobile)
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "wanting to know why my roommate had a cop go to his room looking for him",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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|
AITA for wanting to know why my roommate had a cop go to his room looking for him?
|
Let’s set the scene. I am a freshman in my first semester of college, adapting to life far from home in my dorm, which is set up so that myself and my roommate have rather small, separate rooms, and share a bathroom (still better than a larger shared room imo, and you’ll see why). When I first met my roommate, who I will call Ken (not his real name), he seemed rather unassuming. Ken, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry man. Ken mostly keeps to himself, but he doesn’t keep to himself quietly - I hear him talking all hours of day and night, banging on the desk that is close to our shared wall (sometimes to a beat, sometimes repeatedly, almost all times loudly) and I once caught him trying to do a naked sprint from the bathroom to his room to grab some TP - while carrying his laptop, which he took for quality pooping time, I assume. The last one is for comedic relief before the big plot twist.
Ken started to talk, as the semester caught on, a bit too loudly and too often. I eventually started hearing him literally talk during and coming out of the shower, in his room with his door ajar and him standing up without headphones or any visible phone/laptop connection to someone to speak with, and as he was both entering and exiting the dorm. He talked to himself, and I don’t mind - I think out loud all the time, but I don’t think out loud *loudly.* I had a lil too much one day and politely knocked on his door, and told him, “Could you keep it down a bit? I can hear you talking.” He nodded along and said yeah, and it stopped for a while. Then came tonight. I heard a rather loud, repetitive banging that was going for a minute of thuds against the wall, so I got up to try to knock on his door and inform him of him being loud - the first part that I thought was odd was that I didn’t see his light coming in from under his door. That’s because he was in total darkness, and propped his door open to peep at me. Just then, the residential advisor comes in with a campus police officer, and they ask for Ken. I then go back to my room and I don’t know what’s going on now. Did he drop acid and have a bad trip or something? Is it a mental health thing? I don’t know, and as someone who lives with him essentially I’m a bit concerned. So, I call my RA, and she comes to talk things over, and then contacts the RA on duty, to which they share details but the details can’t be shared with me - privacy stuff, obviously, but the RA tells me everything is okay afterward. I talked to him and he seems okay, I didn’t pry I just asked him if he was okay.
A lot of people I mentioned to online (not irl, I wouldn’t want to encroach Ken’s privacy) said I was an asshole for not respecting it was probably a mental health issue - but shouldn’t I be aware if my roommate is starting to develop extreme paranoia or schizophrenia or something? I don’t know, I just thought it was reasonable for me to want to know why this happened even if I can’t get all the details since I happen to share a close living space with him.
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AITA-My writing teacher made us write an essay about a person that inspired us so I made up a story about someone dying of cancer. She got emotional over it.
|
Our school has this contest for kids in the Creative Writing class. The winner gets a scholarship. The topic was someone that inspired us. It couldn’t be anybody related such as mom or dad but it could be a friend or famous person.
There’s no one that inspires me. Not anyone famous or anything. I don’t have any friends and I didn’t know what to write about. That’s why I really hate writing prompts that aren’t fiction and have to be personal.
I considered picking a random famous person but then that would require me to do research because we had to describe their qualities in detail and stuff. I’m lazy and didn’t want to do research.
So during lunch the day it was due I completely made up a story about how my mom’s friend died of cancer at age 29 and she inspired me because she fought hard, and taught me to not take life for granted and value the life you have because it’s short and can end soon. It was really cliche.
Fast forward a few days when the teacher read and graded them all. She talked to me about how much she liked it and how I didn’t win but it was still really good. She said it really hit close to home because her grandma died of cancer and teared up a bit.
I didn’t know she would take it like that. It was just some thrown together bs I came out with at last minute.
Anyways I ended up telling my mom about it, god knows why, and she was like,”What the fuck is wrong with you? You don’t make up shit like that.” I didn’t think I did anything wrong until she reacted like that. Am I an asshole for doing this?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a8iiho
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{
"description": "not wanting my 19 year old girlfriend to go on a trip with me and my family to Las Vegas for my 21st birthday",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my 19 year old girlfriend to go on a trip with me and my family to Las Vegas for my 21st birthday
|
Im the youngest of my siblings, and my dad wants to take me and my older sister to Las Vegas for my birthday. My girlfriend is 19 and upset that i think she shouldn't come. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ahqtr7
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{
"description": "thinking our neighbor hates us",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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}
|
AITA For thinking our neighbor hates us
|
Around six months ago we had two police officers circle around our neighborhood while we were having a barbeque outside with music playing at a moderate, the officer's did not stop that day. Flash forward to this month where as I was arriving from work and putting the dogs outside, into the fenced in area we recently installed had installed. One dog out of the three we have slips away and goes around fifthteen feet in front of the driveway at this moment I realized that the neighbor was out walking their dogs and I put everything down and rush towards her. I this point she started yelling at me with cuss words and insults. But I start ignoring her and focus on getting my dog which happens to be a small Chihuahua meanwhile trying to not get bitten by her pit bulls that are barking and throwing bites at him. Instead of calming her dogs down she stands there and waits till I pick my dog up. Once I pick him up I put them outside and go cook dinner. I had a gut feeling that we were going to get a visit from the cops, sure enough that same day we had an officer show up and tell us that they have received multiple calls from our neighbor in the past 5-6 months about disturbances coming from this address. But every time that they come and check the place out there's nothing. She said that because she took a video of the event we had to receive a 50$ fine. We were confused and so was she because when the cop showed up to here place out neighbor all ready knew the type of fine we needed code and all. I didn't think much of it till later today when I arrived from work she yelled at me and said " in case you were wondering it was me who called the cops. Don't think your above everything. What I did was through the legal system" that really did seem odd and it's making me believe that she hates us for some reason. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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b73a0q
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{
"description": "telling my managers that my coworker came into work drunk",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
Aita for telling my managers that my coworker came into work drunk?
|
A coworker of mine had come into work and told us that she was drunk. You could smell it on her breath, it was that strong. Her reason was because it was the anniversary of her mother’s death. I felt bad for her but this isn’t the first time she’s come into work drunk/high. I told the managers and she tried to lie and say she was just smoking. One of the managers on duty told me “well it is the anniversary of her mother dying”. I understand but she drove to work drunk knowingly putting other people’s lives in danger. As far as I know she didn’t even get written up. So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a3qfjl
| null |
AITA spent 300$ at an oil change place, and only tipped 10$.
|
Context:
1. I know nothing about cars
2. The shop is designed specially to change oil
3. But they checked a lot of things for me for free. — tires, wipers, lights, engine.
4. Checked my transmission fluid, got that changed as well. Though it’s 50/50 whether it’s needed, according to the guy.
5. I am honestly 9.5/10 satisfied for the service, just short of perfection, ‘Cause I wish they explained more of why/how/what for the changes. But. Not a big deal. They explained enough for me to be willing to make a decision.
6. Total time spent there: 45 minutes.
When the bill came, the amount was over 300$ (oil, transmission oil, wipers, service fee, taxes) I usually tip 15% when going out to restaurants. Standard rate. But I was surprised for it to be 50$ tip... I flabbergasted on the spot. And awkwardly explained to the guy that; it’s a great service and I am very satisfied. 50$ is a bit much.
I changed it to 10$.
AITA for this? — I can afford the 50$ tip, it’s not a financial inhibition, but, during the moment, it took me by surprise and, still now, 50$ I feel is a bit much.... 10$/h is about the minimum wage here, but multiple people worked on my car (2-3).
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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adomk4
|
{
"description": "listening to 50 year old rock music at work",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for listening to 50 year old rock music at work?
|
I was listening to what I consider extremely mellow rock music, the album Paranoid by Black Sabbath at work quietly at my desk. Everyone listens to music quietly, it's normal here, no one uses headphones for safety reasons and to answer the occasional phone call.
I got called into the HR dept and was told my "heavy metal" had offended someone. To the best of my knowledge there is nothing offensive on the entire album. Other people listen to rap with the N word all over and fuck and bitch ect.
I told HR if they wrote me up I would report everyone I heard playing rap or any other music with offensive lyrics or language.
They discussed it for a day and didn't write me up, but now they have a no music policy at work.
Everyone is blaming me, but I didn't start this by bringing in HR in the first place. I was listening to music that is literally older than most everyone working there.
I don't feel like I'm the asshole, but everyone is treating me like one now.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ap944s
|
{
"description": "refusing to go to my nephew's birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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}
|
WIBTA if I refuse to go to my nephew's birthday party?
|
Let me start off by saying that I love my nephew dearly, he's like a little brother to me and I wish him everything he dreams of.
That being said, with his birthday coming up I'm invited and I promised I'd go without hesitation. It only occurred to me now that my mother could be coming as well. Now, we've all had horrible experiences with her and so far my sister (nephew's mother) has been the most forgiving of us (it's just the 3 of us: sister, brother and me).
My falling out with our mother is the most recent(1,5 year ago), to keep it short and for context purposes only: a lot of physical, mental and emotional abuse, since I am the youngest and last to be living in with our mother my siblings weren't there to protect me as they also did not want to see or confront her. I left home abruptly after one last beating, I still have a scar from it. I pressed charges for that, by the way.
Now, I have informed my sister about it, as our mother lied and twisted the story. My sister was devastated by this news but didn't know how to inform her children about it as they're just young (5 and 7 at that point). Only thing she said was that my brother(he had a similar falling out 2 years before mine) and I were in a fight with our mother. My nephew said that we should just talk it out (bless his heart).
My sister has had serious mental issues due to her childhood with our mother, leading her to once suffer from a burn-out. Important to add here that my sister is 18 years older than me, 16 for my brother, so things have changed in a bad way when we grew up. She left home fairly early.
It still baffles me that our mother is welcome in her house after everything, but whatever. It's her house and rules. The reason she also does this is because she doesn't want to take away 'grandma' time from her children if they wish to see her, of course.
So back to the main part of this, I asked my sister over text if our mother was coming. My sister said yes, but she was fairly hurt by the way I asked it since she wanted her son to have HIS day with the people he loves. She said she'd find it unfortunate if knowing our mother is coming would stop me from doing so, but not for my sister but for my nephew. I agree my nephew deserves the time of his life with the people he desires, but this is too much for me. I refuse to be in the same room as her, speak to her or look at her. I feel horrible knowing my nephew wants me there.
So Would I Be The A-hole for not going?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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|
9tqwp7
|
{
"description": "gifting a one year post dated cheque as a wedding present",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA for gifting a one year post dated cheque as a wedding present?
|
My rationale is that the newly wed couple can receive the money only if they make it together for a year...
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
b3yyh3
|
{
"description": "questioning if my so drove my car drunk",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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}
|
AITA for questioning if my SO drove my car drunk?
|
Was chatting with my (24f) boyfriend (27m) and he mentioned how he was drunk at my sister’s wedding, which was last summer. I said I thought he wasn’t and he said he was. So I say “but you drove my car...” For context, the wedding was a 2 minute drive from where we were staying. I went with my parents and sister and he drove my sister’s friends (since it was a hot day and the women were in heels). Fast forward to the end of the night, I’ve drank a bit as expected so I’m not going to drive back, but bf says he is sober and drives us. He says he didn’t drive us, but I remind him of a detail and he remembers he did drive. Then he realizes he didn’t really drink until the after party, after which neither of us drove.
So I’m thinking everything’s okay, but he’s hurt that I thought he drove drunk. I definitely wouldn’t have thought that of him but when he said he had been drunk that night, I think “maybe I wouldn’t have known.” For one, I was drinking so my judgment was impaired, but also I’ve maybe seen him drunk once or twice in the 4 yrs we’ve been together, and maybe I wouldn’t recognize it. AITA for questioning if he had driven drunk?
|
HISTORICAL
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"description": "telling my so to cut contact with an old female friend of his",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA (F) for telling my SO (M) to cut contact with an old female friend of his?
|
This happened a few years ago, but somehow it came up in conversation (OK, an argument) recently again, and it does still bother me to this day, so I really would appreciate non-biased third party takes on this.
Buckle in, buckaroos. Sorry this is a long one, been thinking about this for years, but finally decided to post for feedback/perspective.
\-
So, my partner and I live together, have done for over 5 years. When we first started seeing each other, I knew of one of his closest friends, we'll call her "H". At first, I was a bit nervous meeting her, because I wanted to make a good impression and become friends as well, because I really liked my now SO a lot. Things were fine at first - she was a bit lewd and rowdy, but it didn't matter, because I was elated to be seeing this sweet guy.
Then, my SO told me; before we got fully into our relationship, he told me he and his friend "H" had slept together once, about a year or so before. He wanted to be upfront and honest about it, which I absolutely appreciate, but it definitely made me feel uncomfortable. He said it was because they had both been without sexual contact for so long in both their lives, and they were the only people each other trusted, so it was a one time thing, purely physical, never to happen again.
I was definitely put off by this; I thought it was absolutely crazy to sleep with a close friend like that, because I can't imagine crossing that kind of line with a friend, and then being able to go back to the way things were as friends before... but hey, apparently they were able to work it out and things were fine, so I dealt with that information, and tried my best to stay calm and not make anything out of it. It was in the past, it only happened once, he told me about it voluntarily, very early on, and all that mattered was us now, and the future, right?
Not too long into the relationship, me, my SO, SO's brother, and "H" were in the car together, giving her a lift home. Somehow, (I think she was either high or had been drinking) she felt it was appropriate to bring up her old relationship wherein she was totally unsatisfied and didn't get any sex from him for months, and was so deprived... which is exactly when H and SO decided to sleep together. I knew this information, and hearing all of this in the back seat made me absolutely mortified. I wasn't sure if they knew I knew, but my SO knew, next to me, and he blushed and shook his head... he knew that it was totally uncool that she was bringing this up... but hey, she was under the influence of some kind, so totally tactless and tasteless, but let it slide... still early days.
Then, the phone calls at 2:00 AM started. Apparently, these happened once in a while (although who knows if they were actually that rare). H would call SO while I was staying over, and woke us both up (SO refuses to turn his phone off at night, in case there's an "emergency"). She was drunk and upset; she was loud so I could hear her just talking at him for about 20 minutes straight, then had to go and hung up.
Another night, she called at about 1:30 AM, again, woke us both up (which was super irritating as he worked an early shift and I worked full time as well); she was drunk, crying, asking for a lift home from the bar (the bar in question was a 5 minute drive from our place, but also her place was only 5 mins from the bar, so why she didn't get a taxi or something, I don't know). She was totally expecting him to knight up and come and get her. SO's brother ended up going to take her home.
I was really trying to be patient with all of this, as I was new in SO's life and his friends'... I was the newcomer, and I was very much aware of that, and I didn't want to throw off the ecosystem of their group of friends, etc... again, I wanted to make a good impression, and become friends with them as well so we could all get along and be happy... but then she started coming over and visiting often with SO's brother and his roommate (they live in the basement part of our house). I would come home to loud sex noises coming up from the basement, and sometimes it would start very late at night.... it was H and the roommate downstairs. I'll be honest, this was extremely hard for me to hear, as it was pretty much the audio that was missing from the image of my SO and her doing the deed in my mind. It completed the picture, and I just couldn't deal with it anymore.
I told my SO how I was feeling, and I was very upset about the whole thing. I tried to get along and be respectful, but I felt like I was being disrespected, and I just felt trashy, like I had entered into a very trashy world, and I didn't want that. I just felt so uncomfortable, and I couldn't deal with the sounds, the phone calls, how she tastelessly brought up inappropriate subjects directly in front of me... I wasn't going to let it continue. So, I told him I couldn't deal with how she was acting, so either he started cutting out contact with her so she wouldn't be around anymore, or I would go.
He defended her every time it came up in discussion, an argument, you name it. It was a fucking hard time, and our relationship had literally just started. He couldn't see things from my perspective at all, and would just say that she didn't mean anything by it, yadda yadda. The whole situation was just mortifying for me; it was so tasteless, and I couldn't handle it, so I gave him a choice. Yes, I still feel awful about it, but I had to protect myself, or walk away. SO agreed to cut contact, but I know that he still checked in with her, asking how she was occasionally... it absolutely bothers me, but I saw it on his steam once when he left the house in a hurry, and it popped up on his screen. I feel bad for looking at his PC screen, but I never brought it up with him, I just let it go. I figured it wouldn't do any actual harm at that point, but honestly, it still fucking hurts that he lied to my face about it, even if nothing funny was going on.
Finally, for a few days, things were quieter at home. But, it was a sad time as well, because I was finally leaving a toxic group of friends that I met with a couple times a week. I had forgotten some equipment at their house, so I went over to pick it up. The one friend, "A", knew where it was, but he wasn't there when I arrived. I asked if I could see A, or have him give me my piece of equipment back, and the rest of the guys looked awkwardly at me, saying he was...erm, indisposed... upstairs, at the moment. I was totally oblivious, and asked something like "Oh no, is he sick? I can come back another time if-...". No no, he wasn't sick. He was upstairs indisposed.... with H. Yep, you read that right. H had made the rounds that week, to literally everywhere I was going. I couldn't fucking escape. I said, "you know what, I'll just come back another day", and left.
So, that was probably the shittiest week right there. My SO was upset because I gave him an ultimatum, I was leaving a group of people who I thought were my friends, I had audio replay of this chick banging pretty much everyone I know in my head... and I never got that equipment back in one piece.
So reddit, please help me out here. Sincerely need to know so I can have a full discussion with my SO about this without him quitting the conversation out of frustration, walking away, or just stonewalling me about it. Am I the asshole?
​
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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iRDI459dogKpWENlbaAUclY4LRliMrCe
|
9t64uv
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my roommate with aspergers",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my roommate with aspergers?
|
I'm not supposed to know this but I'm a sophomore so my friend is the RA for our floor. She let me know that my roommate has aspergers pretty bad as a warning since I'm a pretty closed off guy and people with aspergers dont usually get social cues. I am in the same room as last year with all my old buddies except two moved out, my old roommate and another guy. I thought I would be fine with it but as the year has progressed his behavior continued to chip away at me.
I would be working with my headphones on at my computer and he will repeatedly tap my shoulder and start talking to me. He loudly sings at his desk and watches YouTube videos while loudly laughing his head off (the YouTube thing isnt a huge problem since everyone can have fun but I at least stifle my laugh when I watch tv). His side of the room is a complete pigsty with old food trash and candy all over the floor, which my friend told him to clean but he still hasn't done it. He will wait outside the shower door while I shower and right when I walk out he dips in which is pretty awkward in my underwear.
I have told him a couple times that when I have headphones on at my desk I am trying to work but it never worked. So I finally snapped a little at him and sternly asked if he could give me some space as a final hurrah so I could stay in my old room. I wasnt loud or rude or anything but I wasnt very polite and I know that. He listened for that day but immediately went back to tapping my shoulder and initiating conversation when I'm obviously trying to work. My friend said he filed a complaint against me so I'm just planning on moving out which kind of sucks but I just wanted to know if I was the asshole for snapping at him?
|
HISTORICAL
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b2ltl8
|
{
"description": "not wanting a close relationship with my mother",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting a close relationship with my mother?
|
So a bit of backstory here, growing up I was always closer to my dad than my mom. I’m not sure why, but even when I was younger I favored my dad. I always felt like my mother resented this.
When I was 16 my parents split, mom got custody. My mother by all accounts is crazy. Multiple occasions she both physically and mentally abused me and my younger brother, and later grounded us for “making her so mad.” Needless to say when I was 18, I got out of there. I was tired of the constant fighting and controlling nature of my mom.
This all came to a head a year after moving out, I fell in love with a girl, (6 years later, my fiancée now). My mom hated her, and told me she would never consider me a son while dating her. Why did she not like her you ask? She was from a poor family. That’s it. So I got cut off from my mom and younger brother. This all lasted until I joined the military. Out of nowhere my mom comes out of the woodwork and tries to act like nothing has happened and be all happy and invite me over for dinner. Not so much as a sorry or explanation of her actions.
Multiple people have told me to let it go, and I should feel lucky to have a mother. But I just can’t get over all the things she’s done in her past to hurt me and my future wife as well. So, AITA for not wanting a relationship with her?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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MowQWPYjAu556GLmRCLC4GLbTpS81tp2
|
b1vu58
|
{
"description": "not caring when our baby is born",
"pronormative_score": 551,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for not caring when our baby is born?
|
My husband and I have been trying to conceive since early this year. This morning he told me that, if we don't conceive by the end of this month, he wants me to get back on birth control and that we will wait to try again until December of this year. His reasoning is that it will be better if our kid is born sometime between September and December because s/he will be one of the older kids in his/her grade and this will give him/her advantages in school and sports. I don't really care what month our kid is born and would rather keep trying than wait until December rolls around. My husband thinks I'm being selfish because I'm prioritizing my desire to have a baby over making sure that our kid has all of the advantages possible. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Ypv984wGR9DNBsTH6rS3TBkcznKeMnlx
|
b87tc7
|
{
"description": "telling my mom she has to shower? she only showers once a month and she smells like a homeless person",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I told my mom she HAS TO shower? She only showers once a month and she smells like a homeless person
|
I’m 26 and whenever I come to visit my parents (my dad is 60 and my mom is 57) my mom smells HORRIBLE, this has been going on for over a year. No one has the guts to tell her. My mom is an alcoholic and my dad kinda is too (my whole life they both get drunk every night, but my dad is functioning whereas my mom doesn’t have a job and sneaks beers in the daytime, she shakes if she doesn’t have it). I don’t know if the lack of hygiene is from the alcoholism or if she’s depressed. She’s a happy person otherwise so I just don’t know. My parents are in a really bad spot financially and I know that contributes to her not being happy. But she won’t work because of the alcoholism. My dad was drunk the other night and yelled that she never bathes, but she still hasn’t showered. She also claims that she’s afraid of falling in the shower (but that’s probably because she’s always drunk and doesn’t want to fall). Twice a month when I come from out of town she asks me to help her shower, but I want her to do it daily like a normal person. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t even hug her her skin is so greasy and gross I love her but don’t know what to do anymore. WIBTA if I told her to stop this and be honest with her and tell her that she smells and she HAS to shower? I can’t do this anymore
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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yqwAbrjZ0HAmhKqzvWBEOT4bZcmTKCh5
|
a751d4
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{
"description": "telling my wife that I'm no longer comfortable with the fact that she vacations with her ex-husband + kids without me and think it's time to make some changes",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my wife that I’m no longer comfortable with the fact that she vacations with her ex-husband + kids without me and think it’s time to make some changes?
|
My wife (28f) and I (29m) got married in 2016. She got divorced from her ex in 2014. She has 2 kids with her ex (6 y/o twins - boy and girl).
In the time we’ve been together, my wife and the ex vacation together at least once a year in the summer. I’ve never been invited. As far as I know, they’ve always shared one big hotel room because it’s cheaper. Supposedly, they split the kids in the beds. (So I guess my wife sleeps in the bed with my stepdaughter and the ex-husband sleeps in bed with my stepson).
I have never really loved this arrangement but I have tried to be understanding. At this point though I think we’ve blended families to the point where these trips no longer need to be this separate thing. I brought up to my wife that, this summer, I would be more comfortable if I went with them.
She was hesitant and starts talking about how the kids appreciate being able to vacation alone with both parents. But, correct me if I’m wrong, is that not a normal consequence of divorce?? I’m starting to question whether she secretly misses her old life. I told her as much and she acted hurt that I would question how much she loves me/us. But I can’t help but to wonder.
For the record, I am not asking her to axe the vacations. What I envision is that we all go and get separate hotel rooms. Can someone please let me know if there’s something wrong with that??
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Ymm3R5GuZ3ZR6IdSStXhFpkzj2trRKho
|
b8ix6a
|
{
"description": "refusing to talk to my parents for over half a year",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to talk to my parents for over half a year?
|
English isn't my first language so feel free to ask me to clarify anything you don't understand. It's quite long. And I don't live in the US.
About 2 years ago, I moved out to live with my SO. I do housework, cook everyday, and I help making videos on his channel. My mun isn't too happy about me living with my boyfriend before we get married. Saying things like "Back in my days you'd be killed for doing such thing".
After moving out, she insisted talking with me on the phone everyday. I was quite busy settling down so I didn't call for 2 days. I was bombarded with texts, I replied saying I'm quite busy and will call later. On the third day she teared up when I called her back, crying about how she went through so much bringing me up and I wasn't grateful about everything she did. This happened more than a few times and I got really annoyed. I visited my parents a couple of times. She cried everytime she sees me because she "sacrificed a lot for you, I quit my job to take care of you, I gave you money to go to school. I didn't abuse you, why do you not care about me?"
Eventually I grew tired of her dramatic reaction and stopped contacting her. I feel guilty doing so, but I really don't want to deal with her tears anymore. She started texting my boyfriend about she's feeling ill/depressed. I'm torn between guilt and an ill-feeling towards her.
Let me tell you a bit more about my mum. My mum was very strict and very demanding on my grades ever since I was young. In my earliest memories in primary school, I always have to score 80/100 or above in tests and exams, else my mum would get super angry and give me a beating. She would stay with me every second to monitor my study, making sure I recite everything before any tests. She would beat me with a clothes hanger or a thin wooden stick if I got the answer wrong. She would lock me up between the door gate and the door, where it's fully visible to neighbours. She did this to get me embarrassed, hoping it would make me apologize and be a good kid afterwards.
During grade 11 mum stopped monotoring me because she couldn't keep up with my studies anymore. I didn't know how to study on my own. I got distracted by video games and my grades went down. Even worse, I got bullied at the same time. They picked me because I was weird. Because I don't know how to social with others, spent too much time studying.
I cried every single night in bed. Everything was going wrong but I don't trust my parents enough to tell them about it. Afterall, all my mum has ever said during dinner was "Remember, no boyfriend. Study hard." and "How was the test?"
To be honest, I don't trust her, and I don't like her. But I also feel guilty for not appreciating her sacrifices. I haven't talked to my parents for over 6 months now. Am I an asshole for being so cold-blooded? I don't know what to do.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ZG4QWcdKl3PsWFBbS37L1rvW6e3l9UWf
|
awwybs
|
{
"description": "refusing to lie to my parents",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for refusing to lie to my parents?
|
So I‘m 20 and still living with my parents. I do a lot of stuff that my islamic parents don‘t approve of, like not believing in god, having sex before marriage, drinking and smoking yada yada
But I believe in being true to myself, so I don‘t really hide anything about my lifestyle, but we don‘t talk about it either.
Last week I came home late and began stumbling around in the flat because I was shitfacedly drunk. My dad saw me and asked if I had been drinking. I said yes, and he didn‘t have an answer for that. So I went to sleep.
Some days later he complained to my brothers about it, so one of them came to me and told me that I should have said no. I argued that I would feel like I‘d insult him if I lied blatantly in his face like that. My brothers‘ argument is that they know, but they at least want to live in the illusion that I‘m not doing anything „bad“. Like I just shouldn‘t adress the elephant in the room.
Now I‘m not so sure anymore. I feel like I‘d set my integrity aside for their comfort. They already know all my shit. I don‘t like lying to them. So, AITA?
TL;DR: Should I lie to my parents about my drinking, even though they know already? They say they’d be more relaxed.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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PmQDi1wnN6HWlEpXIwrk4Fne2wYH4Egm
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aw59r0
| null |
AITA Wife invited to wedding but no plus one
|
AITA here, a colleague of my wife is getting married. Has not invited any people from work to the ceremony (fair enough I'm not judging) but has invited four people (out of about 30 colleagues) to the evening event. However the invites are just for the named person. AITA in thinking this is wrong and invites should include spouses/long term partners?
To be clear I'm actually glad not to have been invited I suffer from anxiety in social situations so would likely have declined. But when talking with my Wife I mentioned I thought it very strange the invite was just for one person but she disagreed.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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FmIa5dV5Cw2X2nD86ORNeZW161Q9y8z7
|
a3etmm
|
{
"description": "being mad at my crush",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being mad at my crush
|
So to keep it short I’ve liked a girl for 2 plus years like a lot. And she’s already been in a thing with another guy but she broke it off. She’s liked me before but she bounces around between liking me and not liking me so much in the past year so I’m pretty mad right now and AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
2MqqyPLhLpRBHN8mMKO5CccY0fCL6j4X
|
a69ol8
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for half a hotel that I didn't stay in",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for half a hotel that I didn’t stay in?
|
I (female) am from the east coast and went to the west coast for a few days for interviews. I told my close friend (let’s call him M for Male), to come visit, as he has free business class flights due to a buddy pass.
We agreed to stay together when he came and split the cost. I tried to book a place to stay a few days ahead of time, but M wasn’t sure when or if he could come. I ended up staying at another friend’s apartment during my trip. M arrives around noon on Sunday, and knows I am leaving Monday morning. He also has some work to do during this time. He wants to look at hotels when he arrives, but I kind of just wanted to stay at my friends apartment since the prices were very high since it was last minute.
We end up going to a museum, and I got extremely high to the point I was throwing up. I go back to my friends apartment, since I wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to stay in a hotel with someone else high. He books a $400 a night hotel and kept complaining that he didn’t have a good trip (because we didn’t have much time, didn’t really do much fun things bc I was high) and that I should pay him for half the hotel bill.
The first few times he mentioned it, I just kind of ignored it. He mentioned it again a month later, so I end up sending him the $200+ for half of the hotel.
We are very close friends and both make good money but I don’t think the principle of what he did was right. I don’t know if we should continue to be friends. AITA in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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|
b6adfr
|
{
"description": "giving my girlfriend an ultimatum on what to wear",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for giving my girlfriend an ultimatum on what to wear?
|
My girlfriend and I (male) are taking a trip abroad soon, where we plan to swim. She loves swimming, and loves to wear a bikini. We're both of the same religion, however I'm probably a bit more religious than she is, although this doesn't factor in so much when I consider what she wishes to wear. She asked me how I felt about this, knowing that people in my family are more conservative. Now I honestly have no problem at all, and have been clear on that with her, going so far as to promise here that there will literally never be a time when I ask her to cover herself up. I do have one issue though, and when prodded, I told her that I would get jealous seeing other guys notice her, which is the only thing that gets to me really. I personally also don't like swimming with just a pair of shorts on, I wear a rash top or just a shirt sometimes.
I told her it's her body, and she can do as she wishes, and I won't shy away from being around her at all. She complained that if she did wear longer, more conservative clothing, it may be uncomfortable to swim in. I told her that it's up to her if she feels that way, and she should choose to be comfortable above all else. She still doubted that I was being fully honest, and didn't know if she should cover up more or not.
Eventually, after some jokes and a lot of back and forth, I did eventually tell her that I think she could wear a rash top, with a bikini underneath and some short shorts, if she really wanted me to feel totally comfortable, and she could in my opinion swim comfortably. Although again, she didn't have to make that compromise for me at all. She seemed really happy to bring this to a conclusion though. I even gave her a white rash top I had which fit her almost perfectly.
This still left me feeling uncertain - did I force her to make this decision? I tried to be as honest as possible with her, without pushing her in any direction. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
AqY1VYhjhhNAwAiIjrX5RcQBlVRRWW8B
|
b8zv9p
|
{
"description": "not supporting my pregnant cousin",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not supporting my pregnant cousin?
|
Alright, a little backstory is required for you to understand why I’m so upset:
This cousin of mine is one that I babysat since she was probably 2. I have been in her life in a major way for most of it and I did my best to help guide her into good decisions as I got older and made mistakes I didn’t want her to (I’m about 10 years her senior). She is an intelligent, physically gifted athlete that got a full ride to the college of her choice on athletic scholarships alone. She has always been more mature than her friends and honestly that gave me and her immediate family a lot of hope. She had a few little mess ups including a pregnancy scare last year that I helped her with; got her a test, and when it was negative I took her to get condoms and told her that if she ever, EVER needed condoms or to get birth control to *call me* because I would postmates her some condoms or take her to planned parenthood for BC myself. I always made it very clear that I didn’t judge her for having sex or not being safe once, but that if she needed help in the future I was always there no questions asked, and I would never tell her parents.
Here’s where shit hit the fan: we just found out she’s pregnant. She’s 18, the guy that did it is denying any and all responsibility and she has just started college in August of last year. Before this, she was raised by my great aunt and uncle because get this: her parents were teenagers when they had her and couldn’t care for her. Aunt and uncle did absolutely everything they could to provide a good home and life for her and I think they nailed it. They had no obligation to take her in, either. They set aside all the wants and dreams they had as a couple after raising their own 6 kids and started over again with an infant.
So now, with my cousin wanting to keep this child, drop out of college and go into the Air Force, I am just waiting for the day that she asks my aunt and uncle to help her with her baby. And I’m livid about it. She has no right to ask them to do that all over again. They are in their 70s at this point and her bio parents aren’t in any shape to help her with an infant either. I think she’s being incredibly stupid, selfish and short sighted, and I don’t know if she gets that she’s putting another child in the same position as she was as an infant. It’s infuriating. As a result I told my family I’m not supporting her. I’m not going to a baby shower, I’m not congratulating her, I’m not having anything to do with her anymore. If she wants to keep this child that’s her choice and I’m not going to try to talk her out of it, but I’m also not going to put on a happy face and pretend like this is at all a good thing. My mom thinks I’m being cruel. My girlfriend and boyfriend think I’m valid in feeling this way. Now I’m conflicted and don’t know where I stand. So help me out Reddit, AITA?
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"description": "not telling a university class when classes are or when assignments are due as a class rep",
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|
AITA for not telling a university class when classes are or when assignments are due as a class rep?
|
I'm a class rep for a university level film program. I was voted into the position by the class at the start of the year with my job being the go between for students should they have concerns about the program or teaching methods and are not comfortable enough to go to the teachers themselves.
It's the day before our weekly classes, and our group chat had everyone being upset with not knowing if we have class tomorrow. They then referred to me directly asking if we had class or not, to which I replied, "As far as what the schedule says, we have class tomorrow morning and X project is due. If you would like to be 100% certain, you may contact the instructors with the contact info they provided."
They then said I was not doing my job and proceeded to be upset with me, with one class member saying if I didn't want to talk to the teachers that she would act as the person people could go to to find out when assignments are due and when we have classes.
My issue is that they have done this *many* times before, and always at the last possible moment, and they never took the responsibility to ask a teacher during or after class to confirm when the dates. I not only told them when we have class and what is due, I also reiterated what my job was as a class rep, and now they are upset with me, but I feel like at a university level, it's the student's individual responsibility to show up to class and hand in assignments on time.
Am I the asshole in this situation?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "speaking over a telemarketer",
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|
AITA for speaking over a telemarketer?
|
AITA here? So, I signed up for a membership for a store during Christmas so I could save some cash in my purchases. The cashier said the first 2 months are free I just have to cancel before that time and it came with a magazine subscription. A month later and they charged me (surprise, surprise) but I figured they'd try this so I called the magazine subscription and find it's not them who charged me but the actual store. This means, the cashier signed me up for a loyalty program for their store (which is what I got charged for) and a magazine subscription which would charge me in another month. I cancelled the magazine subscription easily but the store loyalty program person wasn't giving in without a fight. I let her go on for 5 minutes about how much money I'd save by continuing my membership because I get that it's her job so I let her do it. However, after I said no I'd rather cancel she kept talking over me. I tried a few times to ask about cancelling and getting a refund and she continued to talk over me. I finally raised my voice and said, "hey, you need to stop. I can't get a word in because you keep talking over me. All I need to know is did you cancel it and am I getting a refund?" She became all rude and once I got my answer I hung up. I was really irritated but now I feel kinda bad. So, AITA or what?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "missing one Night of Bachelorette Weekend for Bar Crawl",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA: Missing One Night of Bachelorette Weekend for Bar Crawl
|
I (22F) am finishing my senior year of college and have 5 weeks left of school left to enjoy. I'm really involved in school and am president of one of my majors organizations. Keep that in mind. I'm a bridesmaid in a high school friends wedding which is happening at the end of May. Here comes the dilemma.
Her bachelorette weekend is the same weekend as my organizations annual spring bar crawl. A few facts about the party. Her bachelorette weekend is us renting a cabin up in the more rural part of Michigan and just hanging out with a few activities here and there. The kicker is she invited her MOTHER and MOTHER IN LAW so it's going to be a weird weekend for sure as none of the bridal party is close and having her two mothers there is bound to be uncomfortable. She doesn't drink and 2 of the bridesmaids are under 21 so it's not going to be a typical bachelorette weekend.
​
My idea is to miss the Friday of her party and go to my organizations bar crawl and drive up by myself early Saturday. I feel an obligation to go to the bar crawl as I'm president of the organization and it's one of the last major events I have as president. Am I the asshole for even considering that?
​
New reddit user so apologize for the formatting.
​
​
​
​
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling our friends it was rude & disrespectful to have sex in our apartment bedroom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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|
AITA for telling our friends it was rude & disrespectful to have sex in our apartment bedroom?
|
So Reddit to try and make a long story short. My boyfriend, my friend, her boyfriend and myself got an apartment together. My boyfriend and I’s lease wasn’t up yet so we waited a week to move in with our friends.
Well we all have another semi mutual couple that are friends. We’ve know each other for a few years but they don’t really try to talk or have much contact with my boyfriend and I, just our other friends. Anyway one day during the week that we hadn’t moved in yet they had told us they were all drinking the night before and they stayed the night because they didn’t want to drive home. Which is fine...but then they decided it was 1. Okay and 2. Kinda funny that they had sex in what was supposed to be/is our bedroom. We had some objects in there but no furniture luckily but I found that to be EXTREMELY disrespectful to our new place, our room especially and rude af. They never apologized and still come over every once and a while but they really only hangout with our other friends/roommates. I’m still bothered by it when they come over knowing they probably feel no remorse for what they did.
So am I overreacting a bit? Should I mention it again and set boundaries? Should I say nothing at all and let it go? What should I do reddit?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend over this",
"pronormative_score": 9,
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|
AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend over this?
|
Now before anyone jumps into “you have the right to break up with anyone for whatever reason!” I know :) but while of course I have the right to, I need to know if I am being a huge dick here.
Due to a shaky past for the majority of my childhood and early adulthood with male figures and men in general, I developed a lot of trust issues with men. After one particular incident I had to see a trauma & ptsd specialist 3 times a week. It’s been a few years since then and I personally feel like I’ve made a lot of progress. I formed many healthy relationships with men over the years, whether as mentors, friends, fwbs or even just as acquaintances.
Almost a year ago I got into a serious relationship with a really nice guy. While he knows vaguely about some of my past, he honestly doesn’t seem interested in any further and never asked so I don’t tell him. I have mentioned some things that make me particularly uncomfortable or nervous, and he perfectly avoids them no questions asked.
Recently, as our relationship has grown stronger through time, we spend a lot more time together. I’ve found myself being overwhelmed and have negative thoughts that I thought I moved past come swirling back - I overthink stupid small things he says or does for no reason. I think he’s being extremely controlling, manipulative or “power playing” (if that’s a thing) when he’s not. And I’m not being gaslit here - I don’t bring these things up to him and in time I look back and realize I was overreacting. But these constant one-sided internal struggles are wearing me down.
And I know not bringing this up to him is a red flag. I can’t bring myself to communicate things like this to him. Sometimes thinking about telling him these dark and personal things makes me physically nauseous. I decided to go back to therapy, as it seems like an obvious next step. I let him know this, and asked if he was ok with it and he let me know he’s here for me no matter what. He said he’s fine with whatever baggage I bring and clearly I’m making an effort to help myself so he’s actually really proud.
But despite how supportive and positive and lovely he is, I can’t stay with him. I brought this all up to him 2 nights ago in his apartment. He said he needed to think and has since gone radio silent with me except one text: “what more could I have done?” I feel awful, and my friends are pretty evenly split on whether I’m justified or not. He always gives me space when I want is, listens when I need or backs off when I can’t talk about something. He’s supportive and genuinely so sweet, and yet I feel like I just can’t get through it with him.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling my friend off after he told me he has been talking to a married woman",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friend off after he told me he has been talking to a married woman?
|
This is going to be fairly short and simple.
So a guy I know told me last night that he has been talking to a married woman for a while now. According to him, her husband isn’t kinky enough in the bedroom, so it’s fine that she’s out looking for someone else to fuck and talk with.
I disagreed vehemently with him and told him it was wrong and he should stop and consider the consequences of his actions on everyone, especially her spouse and their 3 children.
He says I’m just trying to be mean and feel like I’m better than him.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a3v6l4
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{
"description": "stopping dating a girl during finals after she explicitly told me to not give her any more stress during finals",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I stop dating a girl during finals after she explicitly told me to not give her any more stress during finals
|
We started dating in October. Then she cut me off because she thought I was too selfish, to which I took the high road and wished her well. Then she texted me again about two weeks ago, and I took her on a few dates these past couple of weeks.
Getting back together, she made it abundantly clear that she was hesitant about getting involved with me. Sort of a first red flag to already be qualifying this “relationship.”
She’s got a lot of debt putting herself through law school, and I’m fortunate to come from a wealthy family. And I would pay for everything whenever we went out. She had made it clear that she would not be paying for anything while we were out because she couldn’t afford to (which I understood). I didn’t mind at all. However, the last time we got ice cream together with her friend, I had to double park because there was no parking, and she asked me what I wanted, and she didn’t ask for any money— INSTEAD SHE PUT HER HAND OUT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. Right in front of my face. Right in front of her friend. I am a big believer in trusting your gut, and my gut told me right there that this is bad news. Big red flag for me.
She has an issue with seemingly every goddam thing I do. I will be driving, and she will tell me not to do slight honks when I’m driving because it’s unnecessary. (Ever heard of no backseat driving). If I don’t text her all day, she tells me I’m not putting in enough effort. Above all, she did not make me feel good about myself and was just such a difficult person. Third red flag.
Why do I need any more problems in my life? I made up my mind I didn’t want her in my life after talking to a close friend. So she texted me today asking if I needed my space, and I told her yes, and she should just focus on her. And I told her that I don’t want to do this anymore, and she told me I was a dick, and immediately blocked my number and all forms of social media.
Now, she did explicitly tell me not to bring any drama for her during her finals, which I totally did. I could’ve faked it through finals, but I didn’t care all that much to fake it. And I do feel bad because this is extra bull shit for her to deal with on her plate.
Although she was a royal pain in the ass, am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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anos4i
| null |
AITA my mom works a part time job and goes out to drink four times a week when she's home she basically just sits and watches TV unless she's yelling at us or cleaning a little. (real messy house)
|
basically my mom got a dog couple years ago and she used to walk him a lot got him lessons and other stuff now she hardly looks at him and tells me to walk him all the time. he's hardly ever bet for more then four seconds a day. anyways I'm I the asshole for telling my mom she needs to atleast pet her dog. she says she's to busy. but she was literally laying there watching TV and playing on her phone "trying to relax from a hard day at work" am I the asshole for pushing her to pet her dog more
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HISTORICAL
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aa2uvk
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{
"description": "going to my manager behind my co-worker's back",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going to my manager behind my co-worker’s back
|
Jessica (not her real name) and I started in the company on the same day, a year ago. We get along pretty well that’s why I feel so bad right now for going to my manager because of her work performance.
Our company is a huge startup company. We only commenced our operations last year. I was hired as an Accountant and Jessica as an Accounting Analyst. She has an MBA degree and 13 years of experience working as a Financial Advisor in a for-profit school. On the other hand, I am an Accounting major with four years experience.
My previous job was very similar to what I am doing. My manager showed us how the process is done only once, I picked it up quickly. I had to help her learn everything which I don’t mind. It is sometimes annoying though because she is not “computer savvy”. Anybody who works in accounting should have at least basic knowledge in MS Excel and she has none. Our tasks are related and I come up with process improvements to help us do things pretty quickly, she is always iffy about it. I kinda feel like she doesn’t want changes in the current process so I adapt to whatever she wants, if she can’t be flexible, I’m the one adjusting. She eventually learned stuff.
Recently, I noticed that on some of her emails she is using “Accountant” as her title instead of “Accounting Analyst”. I didn’t tell anyone about this. I don’t know if anybody noticed. One time I sent an email to our vendors and she told me that I’m not using the correct format. Yes, there is a template and me and my manager are not really using it because it’s a waste of time, a non-value adding activity really. I told her that and she told me she wants everything to be uniform. She was acting like a manager when I taught her most of the things that she knows. I schedule to reconcile vendor accounts monthly, as per usual practice, she wants to do it almost everyday because of the volume which makes no fucking sense, worst is she asks me for assistance or bossing me around like “email them, ask this, ask that”. One incident I was speaking to the Sr Manager of one our biggest vendors on the phone because we cannot pay some huge invoices due to IT issues, she was beside literally telling me what to say. She even forced me to put the Sr Manager on hold so she can coach me. She told me to call IT right now and make someone in IT talk to the Sr Manager since it’s not our fault.
Outside of work we are fine and I wish we never talk about work. Yesterday, I told my manager if he can create a boundary between my job and hers. There’s no clear division but I didn’t tell her about my co-worker’s attitude and the incidents above. She wants to dominate everything but her ideas are out of the line. I might sounded like an asshole undermining my co-worker to my manager but I couldn’t take it anymore and now I feel bad because instead of talking to her first, I went straight to my manager. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ab4dxi
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{
"description": "not wanting my ex and her new bf to celebrate new years in my apartment",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my ex and her new bf to celebrate new years in my apartment?
|
My ex has had a problem of dating people within the friends group and recently she started dating a really close friend of mine (the duo lied a lot about the same to cover up, mind you). It's new years eve and im throwing a little party. Since we're all in the same friends group, some friends expect me to call them and some dont. I decided not to considering my ex really fucked me over and our breakup was horribly bad.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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roufuYIHKJOANEWQV11LrtMc7Xrfwg7J
|
ba7r4e
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{
"description": "donating a book a friend lent me after we stopped hanging out and I was packing my things to move away",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for donating a book a friend lent me after we stopped hanging out and I was packing my things to move away?
|
My friend lent me a book. Then she stopped responding to me a few months later and I never saw her again. I was moving away from the area and needed to empty my apartment. The book she lent me I just donated with other things. I wanted to return it to her but she stopped hanging out with me or responding to me which made it hard to return it to her. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aefx14
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{
"description": "questioning why my partner stays",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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}
|
AITA for questioning why my partner stays?
|
This is obviously a throwaway, due to identification purposes.
Okay so this will long guys, but I'll to make it as short as possible. I will post a TLDR at the end.
To preface this, I'm aware of the r/deadbedrooms and r/relationships and while I've been reading both of them, I felt like this is the best one to post in.
So my (f22) partner (m25) and I have been together for 3 and a half years and we live together. During the beginning of our relationship he disclosed to me that he was diagnosed with BPD and was severely depressed with previous suicidal thoughts (i was 19 at that time). This go towards a downward spiral and our relationship was never the same. He got into this tendency of "spoiling" me and giving up things to make me happy and while I asked him not to do that, he insisted.
Fast forward to 6 months later, he begins to become resentful and bitter, but fails to communicate any issues. A few months later he begins cutting, and tells me about suicidal thoughts. Now guys, i will also add that at that time i was going to college and working 30 hrs/w because he was unemployed. Things became financially and emotionally stressful. Everyday i would come home and worry that he'd be gone, i really didnt know what to do. Now im not gonna lie and say i was easy to deal with, because i wasnt. We were both emotionally unstable.
When it got really bad, i made the executive decision to call his mom and take him to the hospital. He agreed and was admitted for 1 month. During that month, i found out i was pregnant (this all happened during final exam month).
After he left the hospital we dealt with the pregnancy and decided to abort (mutual decision). I did the pill abortion and it was so excrutiating. I passed out from the pain and spent a long time screaming. While this was happening he was on discord with his friends, and i got upset. I didnt have an issue with the actual abortion, but with his priorities.
In end of 2017, i got diagnosed with BPDII. Which really drove the nail in the coffin.
Fast forward to early 2018 when we are both in school. Out sex decreased and he didnt even want to spend time with me. He explained it as he just got out of the hospital and wanted to find himself after being lost for so long. I understood and was trying to be as patient as possible.
Ever since that our sex deceased from 1 a week at the beginning of 2018 to once every 2-3 weeks at the end of 2018.
Now this is where it grts tricky, once his sex drive started going down, he suggested an open relationship for me, i didn't know what to think because i only wanted him. I didnt want to have sex with anyone else. A few months after, i do find someone and have sex with them. It was disappointing and we decide to end the open relationship.
Late 2018, i connect with a guy that i started talking to when we had an open relationship but we never met or did anything. We mostly talked about vid games and joked around. Later on, when tthings between my partner and i get tough, i start talking to this guy more often and yes this is 100% my fault and i begin sending him suggestive msg/pics. It didnt go any further than that and it was only 2 or 3 times. I would never sleep with him or even do anything.
My partner found out by going thru my phone. This create big problems, for obvious reasons. While we were arguing he found out that i did t sleep with him or send him any pictures showing anything, so he didnt want to end things, which surprised me.
I accepted all responsibility and i told him everything that happened. While he told me that he's only staying with me bc its financially beneficial i make around (100k) and hes still in school, we have debts and a car together.
Recently everytime he brings a problem up or says he cant live like this, i ask him if he wants to leave he says no, and i always assure him that if he did, i wouldn't leave him with all the bills (theyre mostly in his name), he says he only said that bc he was angry and didn't mean it. Im worried that hes only staying with me because of convinience not because he truly wants to. Its not that i care that im paying for the bills, i just dont want him to stay with me because of financial responsibilities. I want him to be happy and not to have to settle.
I love my partner very much and i honestly hate myself for even doing something like this because he had been cheated on before by his previous ex.
TLDR; my (f22) partner (m25) and i had a rough patch and i sent suggestive pics to another guy, he found out and stayed. He said hes only staying bc its financially beneficial to stay but later said he didnt mean it.
I know im the asshole for cheating, but the question is AITA for questioning why he stays?
Sorry for the mistakes, English isnt my first language.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ax3c9g
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my step mom",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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}
|
AITA if I get mad at my step mom?
|
So, me and my step mom don't get along at all. I'm a moody angry teen and she's a mother that doesn't know how to handle teens that don't follow everything they are told. Today, I helped her out her daughter by helping make dinner. She told me I was using the wrong spoon. In all honesty I was, but she yelled at me and snatched it out of my hand and got mad when I told her to calm down. We keep going on about petty things nearly everyday and I've almost gotten kicked out many times. Sometimes I just think that I'm the bad guy here getting upset over nothing. She yelled at me for wanting to get in the short before her daughter that takes the longest showers ever. Of course I engaged and talked back at her because I believe she's an idiot but, it's hard to see from her side at times.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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1DNG37umIOsQ3w7L9tCeApmS9SspDZWr
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ag5h6l
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{
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend for not wearing sunscreen",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 37
}
|
WIBTA for breaking up with my boyfriend for not wearing sunscreen?
|
Hey reddit! Today I had a pretty big argument with my boyfriend, and it has left me wondering if it's even worth it to try and save this. I debated posting on r/relationship_advice, but he's been throwing the word "asshole" in my face so much that I figured it would be more fitting to come here for support.
I am an avid supporter of daily sunscreen wear. Seeing pictures of how well people age due to regular wear, and hearing about it from my friends and family has inspired me to take care of my face and prevent unnecessary skin damage. My boyfriend and I have been together for several months, and I feel like he is husband material. Because of this, I plan on looking at his face for a very long time, and I want him to benefit from sunscreen in the same way I feel I am. I have asked him on multiple occasions to consider using sunscreen, but he refuses. He doesn't like the smell, and feels that my request is only something I can/should be asking as a wife, not a girlfriend. He then went on to say that he will gladly wear sunscreen for me when and if we do get married.
This comment on sunscreen being a "husbandy request" has really thrown me for a loop, and I fear deeper misogynist issues could be at play. That being said, AITA for pushing my boyfriend to use sunscreen so he will look good for years to come?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 3,
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AUTHOR
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{
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WRONG
|
7OsPJeGWpyRaT7nHMJMHUc4mkIMJVclC
|
a840ya
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{
"description": "not cleaning up after my fiancès cats",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not cleaning up after my fiancès cats.
|
First, before we were together I had no pets because I didn't like cleaning up after them. (Litter boxes, hair balls, fur everywhere) and when we first got togther she had no pets so there was no problem.
At some point she wanted a cat, I told her that I don't mind but would rather not have one, and if we did get one she would have to deal with the litter boxes. She agreed and we got one.
Later on, her friend was moving to a new place that didn't allow pets and asked if we would take in her cat. She asked me if it's okay and I told her that it's fine, because she was the one cleaning up after them.
And now the problem. She got a new job earlier this year that she has to be at earlier in the morning, so she leaves a few hours before I do.
Now a 3 or 4 times a week she leaves without cleaning the litter boxes and then either texts or calls asking me to do it. If it's really bad and smells, then I'll take care of it, but usually I just leave it because the cats don't go that often during the day.
The last couple of weeks she has asked me to do it every workday, and is trying to make me seem like the bad guy for not doing it, even after I reminded her that I only agreed to have them if she took care of the litter. So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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atmvj8
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{
"description": "being annoyed with my boyfriend for not paying me the money he owes me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being annoyed with my boyfriend for not paying me the money he owes me?
|
My boyfriend and I both are both in college. He doesn't have a lot of money saved up right now since he hasn't worked since the summer, but he recently found a part time retail job near his school and should be starting soon. A couple weeks ago we found a concert we wanted to go that cost $40 per person and since he didn't have a lot saved up in his account I said I would pay for both of us and he could pay me back whenever he could. He does a sport with his college that is having a competition this weekend, which should have been free except he signed up a day late and so instead it cost him $30. I'm slightly annoyed that he obviously had enough money to pay for this competition but didn't have enough to pay me for the concert when it was a similar amount? He hasn't started working yet so he has even less in his account right now then he did two weeks ago when we bought tickets. He also owes me another $250 for a vacation we booked for spring break since he figured he'd be working by then and would have enough to go on the trip. I'm not exactly dying for the money right this second since I have a decent amount saved up, but it's still kind of annoying that he's perfectly okay paying for things he wants (he also goes out and buys food maybe 2 or 3x a week) but can't start paying me back. When we go out to eat we always intend on splitting it but if I end up paying and ask him to Venmo me after, he often ends up forgetting. But if he pays, he never forgets to ask me to Venmo him. He's broke af so sometimes I know he owes me money for food or a concert or whatever but I let it go since I have a lot more saved up and it's not *that* big a deal. But I guess I'm just starting to get a bit irritated that he'll easily drop money on shit he wants but will drag his feet whenever he needs to start paying me back for stuff. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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a0yune
|
{
"description": "not getting rid of a piercing that has majorly upset my parents",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not getting rid of a piercing that has majorly upset my parents?
|
About 2 months ago I (23M) got an ear piercing. My parents (both 64) saw it for the first time a couple weeks ago and were immediately upset and angry at what I had done.
My mum, although not a fan of it, was nowhere near as bad as my dad who expressed how disappointed and ashamed of me he was. My mum said to leave it so he did and we enjoyed a nice dinner without anymore mention of it. I assumed this was the end of it.
However I woke up next morning to a lengthy email from my dad about it, where he repeated how upset and disappointed he was with me (especially as I know they wouldn't like it), how earrings are not for men, make you look like a punk and will damage the way people see you (judged in job interviews etc), how it could be unsafe and cause my ear to get ripped off, how it's a waste of money, and how he hasn't been able to sleep thinking about it.
This massively upset me for a number of reasons. Firstly, I never like fighting with my parents, and we haven't really ever since I was a kid. I was also upset that I had hurt him and my mum, because I never deliberately want to upset them.
However, I was also upset by the degree of my dad's reaction and made me worry that if they have an issue with my views and lifestyle choices. It's not a big deal to me and I view tattoos and piercings s vert normal whereas they clearly do not. If I were to bring someone home who had tattoos or piercings or were 'different' in another way, would they have an issue with that. I feel almost angry that they are disappointed that I am different to exactly how they want me to be and won't let me live my own life. As such, I don't want to get rid of it, as I feel they should be more accepting of who I am.
So am I the arsehole for not taking it out and now making a concious decision to do something that I know will make my parents angry and upset?
For context, my dad is 64, very conservative, and not the most affectionate of men, and rarely expresses his emotions. I on the other hand have fairly liberal views and am quite happy expressing my emotions - I also have a job and no one has an issue with my piercing, which is partly why I chose to get it when I did.
TL:DR Got a piercing. Parents don't like it. Going to keep it anyway.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
zwPORpevflzekIzhD04lpAtcy9f0WpMR
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aahurs
|
{
"description": "driving 30 miles on a 2 lane highway with my high beams on web I realized one of my lights went out as to not get pulled over",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 23
}
|
AITA: I drove 30 miles on a 2 lane highway with my high beams on web I realized one of my lights went out as to not get pulled over.
|
As the post puts it, I was filling up gas when I realized my right front light was out. This actually happened on Tuesday as well but to the left front. Once I found out what had happened I drove with my high berms on as to not get pulled over. Both this time and a few days ago have been on rural highways in Illinois so the cars are not thatttt common. But they are always flashing their high beams at me and I try to turn them off for a bit but I am already so nervous to get pulled over as my license is on thin ice for a speeding ticket a few months ago. Am i the asshole for doing this? I know that most drivers probably think I am but I'm really trying to avoid suspension or possibly worse if I get pulled over.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
KE41Dw1pybxnimj6SbnVlZ2oMcegvgW3
|
a02gtx
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend's other girlfriend he was cheating",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I told my boyfriend’s other girlfriend he was cheating?
|
I just found out I’m the other woman in my boyfriend’s relationship. I found her instagram with pictures of them together over the past 6 months. I sent him screenshots of her instagram and he sent one back that looked like her breaking up with him over text.
I don’t know when the screenshot was from and for all I know they’re still together because he just liked her most recent instagram post. If I knew they were broken up for sure I wouldn’t say anything because it wouldn’t matter at that point but right now I’m heartbroken and hurt and I don’t know what to do. I feel like she has a right to know if they’re still together.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fu5HH1N6tYVDX9H5vyJRkkCoR1t9wIdq
|
b7052w
|
{
"description": "(accidentally) hatching my roommates egg",
"pronormative_score": 345,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for (accidentally) hatching my roommates egg?
|
Using a throwaway even though my roommate will immediately recognize this if she sees it.
Me roommate (22 F) and I (24 F) have been living together for six months and so far everything has been gravy. We're friends from college, live our own lives, and both do our share of the chores around the apartment.
A few days ago my roommate, we'll call her Claire, brought home an Emu egg. We live in rural Australia, so seeing an emu egg is not that big a deal, but then she told me she found it on a "mound" in the bush and I'm like holy shit is this an actual live emu in here? She just shrugged. I said it was fucked up to just take an egg that had a chick in it. She told me she thought it was "abandoned" and she was gonna try to get it to hatch.
Now at this point I pretty much washed my hands of the situation. I didn't like having this egg around but I wasn't gonna sabotage my living situation over it. She would keep it in her room under a heat lamp (she has a pet lizard that needs one), so I'd hardly see it.
Now, one day I come home from work and I'm completely wrecked cause I work on my feet all day. I walk over to the couch and sit down on this U-shaped cushion (kinda like [this one](https://secure.img1-fg.wfcdn.com/im/59675625/resize-h600-w600%5Ecompr-r85/4146/41464506/U+Shaped+Body+Pillow+Protector.jpg)) we've had forever and put some trash TV on. Of course I end up falling asleep lying on the couch.
Flash forward to a couple hours later and I wake up to Claire prodding me in the shoulder. I open my eyes and she is glaring straight at me, holding the egg right in my face. There is a tiny chink poked out of it ad the baby emu's beak is legit coming through. I scream and ask her why the fuck she is holding a hatching ANIMAL in my face. She tells me that she left the egg in the U-shaped cushion to "incubate" and that by sleeping on it for ages I had "hatched" it.
She said it was the egg's "cooling period" and by sitting on it I caused it to hatch premature. I told her she she should "cool HER period" and that she didn't know what she was talking about. I think she was just mad that I hatched the egg and not her.
Now she is talking about me LEAVING THE APARTMENT (the lease is in her name) over this.
I feel like it was an honest mistake and she shouldn't have stolen the egg and LEFT IT ON THE COUCH in the first place. So please, tell me, AITA here?!??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
kpDEt2GZ6zXOxttGxoHku4ipOERIgub3
|
b24scn
|
{
"description": "telling my mother I couldn't commit to walking my dog every day because I have agoraphobia",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I told my mother I couldn’t commit to walking my dog every day because I have agoraphobia?
|
My mother has recently had an operation on her shoulder and asked me if I could walk our dog in the mornings, a job which she normally does. Of course I’d love to do it, but I have a fear of going outside on some days. It sometimes gets to a point where I can’t leave the house to go shopping or hold a steady job. I’ve told her about it before but she just thinks I’m faking it to get out of doing stuff and paying my way through life.
I’m more worried for the dog’s sake that if my mental health gets the better of me one day, nobody is going to walk him, so do I have to grin and bear it anyway? It doesn’t help that the last time I walked him, he barked at 2 pit bulls who jumped on him and would have mauled him if I hadn’t had him on the lead to pull him away.
Of course this isn’t a case where I don’t want to walk my dog, it’s more “sometimes I’m too scared to leave the house by myself, let alone while I charge of an animal.”
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
kr1iNzC5BpAnJAwIY8X3uiblb8kgN2Pz
|
b5thj6
|
{
"description": "telling my ex to fuck off",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my ex to fuck off?
|
As always, be advised of the possible mobile formatting errors.
This last December, my boyfriend and I got engaged. We’re both 24 and graduate students in different programs at the same university. My freshman year, before we met, I dated another guy at the same school. I’ll call him K. He was a senior and was graduating that year. It was my first relationship with a guy (I didn’t come out until I got to college), so I’ll admit I probably rushed into things. I fell pretty hard for him, but he always seemed kinda distant. K was a super outgoing person and had a big group of friends he’d go out with nearly every weekend, but would never invite me to go along. In fact, I only ever met two of his friends ‘accidentally’ when I showed up to his apartment to surprise him with a fountain Coke from McDonalds (which for some reason does taste better than from anywhere else). When we were alone he was always super sweet and would talk about how much he liked having me around, but never wanted to go out in public together.
Near the end of the year, K landed a job in the same city as our school. I had been wary of talking to him about our future before, since I didn't know he'd live/work after graduation. But now that I knew he was going to be around for the foreseeable future, I decided to confronted him about my concerns. We had a long conversation, which essentially boiled down to ‘thanks for the fun and support, but I can only ever see a future for myself with a woman.’ Obviously it hurt a lot. I left his place in tears the next morning, and in the time it took me to walk home he’d blocked my number and all my social media. It took me awhile to get over it.
Anyway, fast forward to last week. Despite living in the same town, I hadn’t seen K since we broke up. One day after work I stopped for a guilty pleasure dinner at Taco Bell and K's there. We make eye contact and he nods. While waiting we do the awkward ‘how’ve you been?’ chat. He makes a comment about the ring on my finger, and says congrats. I take my food, head to my fiancé’s apartment and tell him what happened. We laugh, and quickly move on. The next day I get a text as long as a CVS receipt from K. He talked about how he’s missed me and had wanted to reach out earlier. He said he knows he could make me happier than my fiancé could (which, no lol) and he wants another chance. I try as nicely as I can to tell him no, he missed his chance. He changes tactics and talks about how lonely he’s been and can't talk to his friends about it. I told him sorry, that’s not my problem. He then basically says if I don’t talk to him, I’m responsible for any negative impact on his mental health and any ‘consequences’ that might bring. By this point, I’m over it - I tell him to fuck off and block his number.
I don't want anything bad to happen to him, but I don't think it's my problem anymore. So reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
65PsER8hCOV2ycHfQlaFmvp7j6LQ6cP7
|
aude84
|
{
"description": "making my friend drive me somewhere",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for making my friend drive me somewhere?
|
My friend/roommate is very well off, a lot more than I am, and she has a car + licence and I don't. We were driving home from a ways away, 2 or 3 hours and got into our home city at around 10 at night.
I wanted to stop by a pawnshop I usually go to in order to buy out my laptop that night, and asked her to stop in. She said no, that she'd been driving for hours, there was snow on the ground and she wanted to go home asap. Later, as we were getting into the city, she asked me to input our address into google maps, since she's been in the city for only a few months and hasn't memorized the route in an out of the city.
I think she was being unreasonable. The pawn shop was like a 15 minute walk away from our apartment and I didn't want to go walk in the snow with my laptop. We live in a rough area and didn't want to get robbed.
So I input the pawnshop adress and didn't tell her until we were almost there. When she realized what street we were on, she stopped in the middle of the street and told me to get the fuck out of her car. I tried to ask her to at least pull up to a curb but she kept screaming so I freaked and jumped out.
I ended up walking back anyways without my laptop, and when I got back I started to get mad at her for abandoning me like she did.
But she started screaming and crying about how I 'used' her, and how she never wants to talk to me again. An issue, since we signed a 12 month lease together and we're only 5 months in. When I reminded her, she said she doesn't care and demanded the money I owed her, about 600$ in total.
Since we were both new renters, the apartment complex asked us to supply one months rent as a security deposit, and she paid the thing in whole because she was working the summer before and was generally better off. She said I could pay her back my half whenever, and I was planning to do it over the summer when I could work.
Now she's rescinding on the deal and basically telling me to GTFO of her life after the lease ends because I asked her to make one little detour that wouldn't have taken 10 minutes.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
OlhHJRTgiu1c7CQDyfmJ9XKNwOAi5NH2
|
b1b0b5
|
{
"description": "asking my family not to refer to my brother as my kids uncle",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA for asking my family not to refer to my brother as my kids uncle?
|
First post, I'm nervous as heck and I'm on mobile, so sorry if there's formatting issues. Also, throwaway.
So, a few years back my brother moved in with us (my husband and I) when we got a new place, as we were all ready to get out of my parents place and figured it made sense for us all to live together.
I was pregnant with my first kid when we moved in, and had her several months later.
My relationship with my brother did not survive this. Things were kinda shitty before I had her, but they turned absolutely irreparable afterwards.
He made absolutely 0 effort to be around/be a part of my life/my kids life from the moment I stepped into the hospital, and he was blatantly disrespectful while he was blowing us all off.
My brother in law was stationed in Korea during this time, and he made an effort to be and succeeded in being a larger part of my newborn daughters life than my own brother ever has. Yeah. A guy stationed in a different COUNTRY was a better uncle than the guy sitting upstairs.
anyways, he moved out and we pretty much dropped all contact, mutually. He doesnt really like any of our family so he usually stays away from family events. Its been easy for us to just ignore each other. He doesnt seem to have any issue with this, and I dont either.
However, tomorrow is one of my extended family members birthday. We were all set to go and celebrate, but my mom texted me tonight and told me that my brother is going to be there.
I WOULD just go and ignore him, except I KNOW my family is going to refer to him as "uncle (his name)" around my daughter.
I dont want that. At ALL.
He has done nothing to be her uncle. Everyone she knows as an uncle, has made an effort to be in her life and she knows they love her. My brother has done nothing to warrant that title except be related to her by blood, and that's not good enough for me.
It would basically insinuate to her that my brother is a close family member, akin to her very beloved Uncle (BIL name), when he absolutely is not.
I would just ignore my feelings and deal with being uncomfortable about it - however, my kid is going to be 3 very soon. She's old enough now where if anyone refers to him as "uncle (name)", she's going to come home with me and ask about him/to see him.
That's why it's an issue. I dont want to deal with that.
However, I know that if I tell my family not to call him that in front of her, I'm going to be called out as the asshole.
Also, INB4 "but he's family!" Both my hubs and I have had difficult relations with blood family, so we subscribe to the "family are those who care about you" line of thinking.
One of my friends already kinda voted me as YTA because "hes family and [I] cant keep him out of her life forever" but I feel like I can and its warranted.
So, WIBTA for asking my family not to refer to my brother as my daughters uncle, and to just have him go by only his name instead?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b6jl5p
|
{
"description": "being offended at colonisation jokes",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being offended at colonisation jokes?
|
Some context here: I'm Indian, but have grown up abroad my whole life, including in London. As such, I don't have the accent, but still connect deeply to my culture; Hindi is my first language, and I visit Delhi to see my family every year. I grew up pretty well-off, but both of my parents grew up in abject poverty, and raised me humbly. The school I went to was filled with rich kids, who would often not realize the privileged position they were in. Casual conversation at my school was often about which holiday home in the Mediterranean they were visiting this spring, and I generally felt pretty out of place.
Many of my friends are British, and often fiercely patriotic. They have a tendency to make jokes that make me feel uncomfortable, such as attending a fancy dress party dressed as "the Sun setting on the British Empire", and saying things such as "you're only allowed to be proud of where you're from if you're from Britain", among countless other examples. Whenever I previously expressed discomfort, they would often play it off as them trying to be "edgy" or "ironic". One comment that made me particularly outraged was when one of them got into a fight with one of our mutual friends, who is Japanese, and blurted out "President Truman didn't do enough; he should have dropped three bombs" (or something to that effect) (I went absolutely ballistic at her for that one. Haven't had a conversation with her since, don't intend to).
For a while, I kept mute. I'm generally not outgoing, and have found a group of friends who I generally enjoyed hanging out with, aside from in instances like this. I am afraid of jeopardizing that. Recently however, particularly after the New Zealand attacks, I've been calling them out. In one heated exchange, I told a friend that her "jokes" were what normalized white supremacy. I'm certain that the comments they make don't come from genuine malicious intent, but I feel as though I'm drifting from my group of friends because I don't find them funny. I feel as though that sort of normalization is what often leads me to feel ashamed of my own skin color and my heritage.
My family, particularly my grandparents, had a poor relationship with the British. My grandfather lost three of his siblings when he was forced to leave his home during the partition. I understand that I was not a direct victim of colonization, and I also understand that my friends who make these jokes are not the direct perpetrators. Nonetheless, I feel uncomfortable and offended when jokes are made about colonization. Mostly, I'm worried that I'm being too easily offended here, and making a big deal out of some light-hearted banter.
​
TL;DR: My friends are making jokes about colonization that I've recently become more uncomfortable about. Am I the asshole for being offended, given my heritage?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
5hqJ2gVbMBec4i0XhpWK3FiQYUe1yh61
|
a46cf7
|
{
"description": "being brutally honest about my friend's porn habit",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 30
}
|
AITA by being brutally honest about my friend's porn habit?
|
Last night I ran into my crush, let's call her Amy, at the library, alongside some other people. They were gossiping and shittalking multiple people. They were really mad at a 'friend of mine' named Andy who was working on their group project and didn't show up. They straight up asked me where he was. I didn't know for sure, but I gave my most honest, best guess. I said he was probably at home jacking off. I was 90% sure this was true, because that's what he does- he's even admitted it, saying that he has no hobbies other than jacking off and that it's the only thing he does. Then I mentioned some other dirt about him, kinda trashed him a little bit. I need to remind you that everyone else was trash talking as well, and everything I said was true. For example, that I'm not really friends with him and that I just feel sorry for him and that he's a pervert. Both true.
Today, Amy, her group, and I all found out that Andy had a band concert and wasn't staying home jerking off, and he basically called me a liar. Amy didn't say it out, but it seemed like my crush kind if thinks I'm a backstabbing liar now. It's just that in class she kinda ignored me and shit.
Posted this on other subs, and some people are calling me the asshole for gossiping. I don't think so, because I was just answering Amy's question truthfully, and everyone else was gossiping as well.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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atr0jl
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{
"description": "telling my 'friend' she can't write for nuts",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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}
|
WIBTA if I told my 'friend' she can't write for nuts
|
A problematic 'friend' has recently reemerged with a blog. The writing style is basically Taylor Swift accusatory towards everyone she thinks has wronged her. She spams me and other mutual friends with links, asking for an honest review.
I've been noncommittal with my replies so far - the last thing I want is to trigger a round of suicide threats and cutting.
Today she texts an overweight friend (A) - who has never discussed her body issues with hrrand struggles with it immensely - for her experiences with body positivity because she wants to put it in her blog. A calls me on the verge of tears because of how insensitively this girl has phrased the request. Not exact words but along the lines of" at that weight you have to believe in body positivity to like yourself"
She's previously also texted A shit like "none of my dresses fit me, I've grown too fat, can I borrow yours"
We've all been NC with her because of her constant insensitive and toxic behaviour but she's trying to insert herself again.
What I'm really tempted to do rn is just give her an honest breakdown of how awful her writing is. The way I see it, she's asked for honesty anyway. But my primary motive is to get her to stop texting me and my friend so WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "getting jealous at my girlfriend's neighbor",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for getting jealous at my girlfriend's neighbor?
|
So, lately, I've been dating a girl and she's been great. She makes me super happy, helps me deal with a lot of my anxiety issues, and has been a super sweet and supporting person to me. She does all this for me and I try to do all this for her and we both show appreciation on us having each other's backs
However, she threw a curve ball at me the other day, and now I cannot get passed it some.
We go to school with a guy and she's a neighbor to him. Every now and then, she will ask him to give him a ride home (fine with it. I do go immediately from school to work some days so I completely understand it). There are some days even when I'm not busy, she will ask him and not let me know when I offer to take her home.
What then threw me off was when she told me said guy liked her right before I did and I then caught said guy taking her to lunch and such. He claims to be just be a friend to her but he constantly is with her, talking to her, and she even pushes me back some times for him, like she would rather spend time with him more than me. I might be blind (I am legally blind without glasses), but that looks like someone making a move on her. And it both worries me and upset me.
I ask if I am the asshole because we recently fought over this and she is stubborn to her side saying they are only friends and I shouldn't be jealous of him being nice to her.
TLDR: we have a friend that's neighbors to my GF and he is getting more time with her than me and making a move in my eyes.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "pushing for more sexual contact in my relationship",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for pushing for more sexual contact in my relationship?
|
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years, and in a lot of ways we are great. Super supportive of each other, open lines of communication, we live together and don't fight much, like all the things you want in your day to day to make things go smoothly. With one exception, our bedroom life.
The first few months of our relationship were long distance, at which point she moved to my city to live with me. Up until that point our sex lives had been pretty great, even a bit adventurous, both of us were pretty happy with our bedroom performance when we got to see each other.
However, she had a lot of trouble finding a job she liked once she moved here, and her self confidence took a massive hit, which first decreased the adventurousness of our sex life, until it became non existent. At the time while I wasn't OK with this, I didn't feel like it would be fair or OK for me to push for a more active bedroom experience. So things went this way for a few months.
Fast forward seven months or so, and she has finally found herself a well paying job in her desired field. Much happiness is had. After a couple of weeks of things going ok I start to mildly push for a more active sex life, and she rebuffs. Ok cool I get it, let's try again in a few days... Which she also is meh to. Alright a little strange, so I mention it to her and she says that it's just been a while, let her initiate. Ok got it, and then three weeks go by without her initiating.
At this point I have a serious sit down conversation with her, explaining how I feel and what I need in terms of a sexual component for a relationship. She understands, but expressed that she has really felt her desire for sex drop, that her libido is gone. We discuss this and agree we need to work on this component of our relationship. But then nothing happens. I offer to be more romantic, ask how I can better satisfy her, read more articles about how I can be a better lover more times than I'd care to count... But nothing has really changed, and her input on these questions is pretty minimal.
This cycle has repeated at this point at least six or so times, without much movement on her part. There is some sexual nature on an occasional basis, and we will even get on a rythm sometimes, but inevitably things just kinda peter out. At this point whenever I bring up the conversation, tears are had and exclamations of I'm trying ensue.
I feel like I've made my position clear, made my desire to help us work on this evident, and frankly had agreement from her that this is something we need to work on, but nothing has changed. At this point I feel like I'm becoming a nice guy with a fedora about the whole situation, but I also feel like it's not unfair of me to clearly communicate a desire for a sexual component of a relationship.
So, am I the asshole by pressuring for a sexual component of my relationship? Or am I just terrible in the bedroom? (A possibility that must be considered)
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HISTORICAL
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| null |
AITA: For Revenge Against Bullies?
|
I wanted to post an event of mine on r/pettyrevenge but I was worried people would think I'm an asshole. But I do feel I had a right to do what I did.
Story: I have been bullied for the majority of my life. I've tried telling the school staff and nothing was ever done about it. I've tried ignoring it but it still takes a mental toll on me. I've had such shitty bullies that I have mental issues.
In school, a group of boys would pick on me but I just ignored it. They thought of this idea to accuse me of having lice. After they ruined my rep I checked if I really did have it. Suprise, no lice/eggs. It was too embarrassing to report so I ignored it.
Next year occurs and they are still being the bitches they are. I ignored it until I had to confront them.
One day at homeroom I was forced to be in a group with two of them and a girl (Red). Red was done with the computer and it was their turn to use the computer they kept arguing on who will "sit next to the ugly girl." They were referring to me. They pull over a stool and push it about 2 feet away from the table. "Hey \[OP\] sit over there." Then one of them pushes the stool even farther back and says "Okay now you can sit over there."
They both laugh hysterically and I stood up, about to comply, then something in me says, "Why listen to these idiots?"
I sit back down in my seat and said, "I don't listen to fucking trolls."
They're shook. I talked back. Red was trying to hold in laughter.
One of the boys, CH for Clown Hair, says "What did you call us?!"
Me: "Oh I didn't call you fucking trolls, you are fucking trolls."
Red bursts out laughing. The guys are trying to remark back by saying something of how I was Indian, I said I'm not, they continue.
I eventually get offered to join the group behind me and I accept.
I thought they were done messing around with me. I was wrong.
The guys continue to harass me, call ME a fucking troll, and use me for their popularity or something.
I had it.
I started to roast them in front of the class.
One day CL was trying to (rap? Or start a rap battle with me?) and I could not understand one word he was saying. I say, "Hey your teeth remind me of a song."
I cut him off so he can't fly his way out of it. I yell-sing, "BLACK AND YELLOW BLACK AND YELLOW!"
I walked off so they can't remark back.
I would blast them on SnapChat and because of this, I had become someone who people would constantly ask for my SnapChat.
I was known for doing with my bullies is publicly flipping them off with my freakishly skinny finger. Even one of the guys who were part of their friend group begged me for my SnapChat and I'd say no. His guys were holding out their phones when the guy demanded I flipped him off. And so I did.
Some people say I've gone too far but then the group became so troublesome so I was forced to report it. Of course, the school did jackshit about it. This continued until the very last day of school.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being annoyed my boyfriend won't buy me jewelry",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being annoyed my boyfriend won't buy me jewelry?
|
So my SO and I have been together for a little over 2 years and known each other for about 8. He is not into gift giving or receiving in general and really only does my birthday and Christmas because it's something I want. I take a lot of joy in finding people the perfect gift. He doesn't want to celebrate his birthday and so I respect that. When it comes to gifts for him, he prefers experiences over material things. When it comes to our anniversary we do something together and while I honestly would like to do something for valentine's day I think that would be pushing it so we pretty much ignore it. I think that's a pretty good summary of our gift giving situation.
Early on in our relationship he asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said a pair of earrings. I had a lost one of my diamond studs (an inexpensive pair, something like $100 and honestly the only piece of jewelry I had that didn't come on a piece of cardboard). He asked me multiple times what I wanted and each time that's what I said. Eventually he just said "I'm not going to ever buy you jewelry so... yeah." I asked why not and he said he thinks it's stupid and he doesn't like shopping for it. (I will add that this was in the price range we had discussed and he ended up spending more than this on my Christmas gift. Football tickets, which I loved.)
So here's the thing. I think one of the things that can make a gift thoughtful or nice or whatever is to buy something for someone that they wouldn't buy for themselves normally. It doesn't have to be something you agree with or enjoy shopping for or anything like that. It's about making them happy. For example, I think it's ridiculous that he has a $300 pen. I mean it's a nice pen! But whoa that's steep for a pen. However if he mentioned he wanted that pen and it was in the price range for a gift, I would love to buy it for him, because it's something he really wants.
And so that is why I am rather annoyed on this total, unequivocal ban on jewelry. It seems arbitrary and against the idea of gifting something to someone for the purpose of their happiness rather than having anything to do with yours. I will also add that I'm not a picky gift receiver and he has gotten me lovely gifts including things like a trip to a bookstore I've always wanted to go to, a ton of WWII books because he knows I'm a history nerd, the football tickets, etc. I would never receive a gift and not appreciate it. But it just... digs at me a little when he refuses to buy something because he thinks its "stupid," which kind of feels like he's saying there's something wrong with me for wanting it.
So. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not taking my (ex) boyfriend to a concert",
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"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not taking my (ex) boyfriend to a concert
|
This happened a while ago but it's been bugging me lately.
A few years ago, a friend of mine had an extra ticket to a concert and asked if I wanted to go. It was a band I've wanted to see for a few years so I jumped on the opportunity. BTW, I paid for the ticket.
I told my boyfriend (now ex) that I was going to go and he got really upset and told me that I shouldn't go to the show unless he had a ticket too.
Thing is, the show was an arena type show, so there was assigned seating and my friend only offered me the ticket because her sister couldn't go.
I went to the show.
We got into a huge fight and was something that he brought up constantly for months afterwards.
Am I the asshole for not getting him a ticket and going to the show without him?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "telling a virtual friend of mine that he shouldn't come to visit after he bought his plane tickets",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I told a virtual friend of mine that he shouldn't come to visit after he bought his plane tickets?
|
Back in 2013, when I was a teenager, a group of real life friends of mine and I used to play online games with this guy from another state. We got along pretty well with that guy and played together until 2015, but never met in real life. Since then we didn't keep much touch to him(We talk on a whatsapp group like twice a year and that's it).
As we got older and life happened that real life group kinda broke up due to some fights. Also people on that group started working, going to college, relationships, etc. So we don't really hang out together anymore.
Yesterday, on Christmas Eve, that guy was drunk and messaged us on that whatsapp group. He said that he wanted to come visit us and asked for a place to stay. No one offered a place for him, since everybody in that group still lives with their parents(that's quite common in my country) and they wouldn't be ok hosting a total stranger, but he still bought the plane tickets anyway without any agreement on our part. He said he would be coming next month to stay for a week.
It took literally 30 mins from telling us that he wanted to come and buying the tickets. The thing is we don't have a place for him to stay and no one would be able to spend the whole week with him due to work, college and other obligations. It's a small city so he basically wouldn't have anything to do here by himself.
WIBTA for telling him that he should cancel his tickets(here in my country law allows you to cancel and get a full refund up to a week after you bought it) since the group of people that he would come to visit doesn't get along that well anymore and there isn't even a place for him to stay? He would basically be wasting his time and money on a experience that most likely would be shitty for people involved.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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ais29a
|
{
"description": "not helping clean the kitchen",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not helping clean the kitchen
|
Me (23F) and my fiance (25M) are currently living with my sister (26) and my mother (50) due to circumstances out of our control.
Bit of background:
We are leasing a 3 bedroom, 2 story house.
My mother works from home and is always here.
My sister pays the least amount of rent for the household.
I work the least in the household, working casually, but im the only one who works weekends
Me and my fiance are also the only ones who cleans the kitchen in the house
I can also count on two hands the amount of times they have cleaned the kitchen/house themselves since we moved in here a year ago.
I have actually left the kitchen dirty for 4 days to see if either of them would clean it but it didnt happen so i ended up cleaning it.
Okay so, this happened last night and im still pretty pissed.
We have a house inspection today, and last night after i made dinner for everybody (me and my partner and usually the ones who cook for everybody every night)
We went to bed to wind down and watch netflix.
We later got a passive agressive message from my sister saying "i hope yous are comfortable in there? You do realise we have an inspection tomorrow?"
AITA for not cleaning the kitchen the day before a house inspection?
|
HISTORICAL
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afsw0m
| null |
AITA A couple of months ago I left my girlfriend after she started becoming controlling.
|
A couple of months ago I left my girlfriend of 2 years because she was starting to become controlling.
Here’s some back story: we met in highschool but didn’t start dating until a few years after (I’m currently 25), we started dating when I was about 23. For the first year and a half things were going good, we went on dates often, our colleges were pretty close to each other, no one was cheating, everything was fine.
About 6-8 months ago, she started to get angry if I wouldn’t call/FaceTime her for hours each day. Even on nights before I had exams, she’d text me or call me until I answered which would sometimes be past 1 in the morning. she’d be passive aggressive about how I looked(even tho I had dressed nicely), I know that can be sort of normal but she would do it every time I saw her. If I was going out with friends she would get angry and aggressive if I didn’t ask her first(we didn’t live together). Which lead to me going out behind her back and trying to make sure she never found out, but the times she did my phone would blow up with calls and text messages from her pissed off beyond belief. One day when she was at my apartment, she started getting pissed off because earlier that day I went over to a friends without telling her.I don’t know what it was about that time but I guess I had just had enough. I yelled back at her and it escalated until I told her to “get the fuck out and never come back” I kicked her out and slammed the door behind her. I never really herd from her again after that besides a few texts an hour or so after it happened that we’re basically a longer way of saying fuck you.
Even though it’s been 2 months I still think about it, I feel like an asshole because I did it out of anger. but i also feel like I had to do it somehow, I know the ends don’t justify the means but i felt and still feel like if I hadn’t done it things would have turned out much worse.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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agiy2z
|
{
"description": "missing moms graduation",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for missing moms graduation?
|
Okay so my mom has a bachelor degree but hasn’t worked in her field of study for 12+ years so she went back to a private college to do a 10-month certificate program in her field to jog her memory. I am really proud of her for going back to school at 50 but I might not attend her graduation ceremony. My mom is horrible about telling me anything family related (ex: birthday parties, thanksgiving dinner times) so I asked her 2 months ago when her graduation was scheduled because I wanted to be there. She told me she wasn’t walking because she didn’t want to pay the extra fee, anyways she told me yesterday she is walking after all and has know she is walking for about a month and never told me. It’s next week and I work 2 jobs (60-70 hour weeks) and the schedule is already set so I cannot make it. I’ve tried trading shifts but no one is willing, I might be about to get someone to cover it or call in sick but I just started this new job and I would hate to look bad.
I want to go but I had such little notice and at the end of the day my rent is more important to me. My family’s making me feel even worse about it and I went off to my mom about how if she really wanted me there she would have told me weeks ago. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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|
azisws
|
{
"description": "reporting a man begging for money at my local starbucks",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA if I reported a man begging for money at my local Starbucks?
|
There was a man (about 30 something, maybe 40) who was carrying an index card with a story about how he has no job and is supporting two children. He asked for money (I assume that is why he approached me) as well as some other customers here at my local Starbucks. The man approaching me really bothered me and I reported him to the barista near the cash register about him. The store manager quickly approached him afterwards and asked him to leave and he left. I am not sure the man was in dire straits or was simply conning people. I have had been conned one too many times and I did not want him around people asking for money. If his situation is true, I feel like an asshole, but it is not my fault he has no job and two children. I am not a heartless person, but I really do not like beggars and conmen. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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autkql
|
{
"description": "wanting my friend to dump his gf",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my friend to dump his gf?
|
I \[19F\] am currently living with one of my best friends \[19M\]. We're college roommates and get along well, despite being extremely different people. He started dating a girl \[18F\] a few months ago who I don't feel good about. She needs to know where he is all the time--for example, they have a shared Google calendar because "she doesn't do well not knowing where he is." She stages a meltdown anytime she feels she's not getting attention from him. Just the other day, she texted me at two in the morning asking if he was home and asleep, to which I did not respond because it felt creepy and invasive.
These behaviors to me scream manipulation. My roommate even said once that she could be possessive, but when I raised an eyebrow, he said, "No, no, not like that," and immediately backpedaled. I tried to let it go until I couldn't. I told a few of my friends that I thought he needed to break up with her for his own safety/sanity, which quickly made its way around campus and he confronted me about it. I admitted that I had been talking about her and that I was worried about him. I asked if he was doing okay, he and he said he was fine--more than that, that my own experience in a toxic relationship had colored my visions of what was happening between them and I needed to mind my own business.
Since then, I've stopped talking about their relationship to others because I realize that's inappropriate. Still, I think he needs to leave her. AITA for wanting him to dump her or should I just let it go?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
acrw8e
|
{
"description": "not condoning my boyfriend's use of psychedelics",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for not condoning my boyfriend's use of psychedelics?
|
I love him to death and want him to be an individual, but lately he's expressed interest in taking shrooms and also defending his friend's acid use. He studies philosophy and believes that experiencing a trip could help him gain a new perspective on his ego/emotional issues. It is true that psychedelics help a lot of people.
But even though these drugs are not addictive, him making this into a lifestyle would stress me out. I don't like the risk-- the lack of safety that would come with him being mentally unable to control himself for periods of time. And while psychedelics alone are not an inherent gateway to drug addiction, I also feel that him taking them could couple with his emotional vulnerability and lack of self-control, potentially leading him to try harder/actually addictive drugs.
I have addicts in my family and he does not. While he promises to not let himself spiral out of control, I try to explain that no one wakes up one day and decides they want to become a drug addict-- it's a very gradual process and starts out like it's all fun and games.
Relationships are full of boundaries and personal preferences. I told him that if he decided to take psychedelics then our relationship would be in jeopardy. If he decided to do this frequently, it definitely would be a cause for splitting. Am I being too paranoid? Am I not letting him live? I just want what's best for him, and I can't help but think that this ain't it.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
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|
{
"description": "telling my friend the truth about the video she and her friends were anonymously sent",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friend the truth about the video she and her friends were anonymously sent?
|
okay, so my friend and i are both in our first year of college. she and a few of her friends got a concerning video that was sent to them. it is basically a picture of her and a group of her friends that zooms in on each of their faces. more specifically, their mouths. this is all happening while there is dramatic music playing.
her whole friend group is convinced it is some crazy stalker that wants to kill them. it was sent to all of them by an anonymous instagram account.
now, at first glance i thought it was a crazy stalker too. but after watching it once, i realized something. first of all, it doesn’t zoom in on all of the faces. only about 5/7 of them. second of all, the faces it zooms in on all have one thing in common... they have no (a very skinny/small/close to nonexistent) top lip.
so, i have come to the conclusion that the person who made this is pointing out that all of the “popular” girls don’t have a top lip or something. the video is kind of funny when you know what it is REALLY about.
So, after getting tired of hearing about how obsessed people are with them, i told her that it was probably because they were zooming in on their lips. she got kind of mad at me and said she still thinks someone is stalking them or whatever. i just left it at that but now i feel kind of bad for saying anything. am i the asshole for telling her what i believe to be the truth?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
xANj7QgxObt9QQiAP7nuLAi68jMDxZgZ
|
awhrxw
|
{
"description": "dumping my boyfriend after he took me on holiday",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA: I dumped my boyfriend after he took me on holiday
|
So, this happened last year but I have been thinking about it a bit recently and wondered if I was the person in the wrong within this situation.
I became single in Jan last year.
I was on tinder and I met E. We got talking last March, and E asked me out on a date. I accepted.
We had an amazing date and I really enjoyed myself, so we went on a few more. He was so lovely- kind, caring, chatty, thoughtful and affectionate, and he made me laugh a lot. The thing is, E was a very chivalrous person and point blank refused to let me contribute to dates, to the point where if I did pay he got upset and quite angry.
Things were going good, and we were dating for about 2 months. I really enjoyed his company.
Now, my birthday is in May, and I told him not to bother getting me anything as he had been so generous in the past. However, my birthday rolls around and he turns up at my house, and to my utter shock he gives me my present- a 5 star couples holiday to Tunisia. As soon as he gives me this, he asks me to be his girlfriend. I accepted.
Things went well, and the day of the holiday rolls around. He came to pick me up from my house, and suddenly he was like a different person. Literally a complete 180 of the person he was before the holiday- he was quiet, moody, and didn't speak to me AT ALL until we got to the airport. I thought he was just tired and gave him the benefit of the doubt, but when we actually got to Tunisia, he continued this behaviour- he snapped a lot, hardly said a word to me (and when he did it was about his ex girlfriend) and was on his phone the ENTIRE time. Literally 24/7- at dinner, at drinks, by the pool. He also hardly wanted to spend time with me, never coming to breakfast, going to bed very early and he slept pretty much on the opposite side of the bed to me. I kept asking him what was wrong, if I had upset him, if there was anything I could do to help but he just said there was nothing wrong. Honestly, the whole holiday felt as though I was a spare part and he had just taken me as he had no-one else to go with. This carried on for the entire 10 days we were there.
When we came back, he dropped me off at home, didn't even say goodbye. I asked to meet up with him the next day and said that I was breaking up with him for the way he acted on holiday- he told me he could see it coming as he knew he wasn't himself. I offered to pay for half the holiday, but again, he refused to let me.
Was I the A-hole in this situation? I feel like I was as he bought me a holiday, however he made me completely miserable the whole time, was very rude, constantly talked about his ex and was on his phone the whole time. At the time I felt as though I did the right thing as I wasn't happy at all, but I feel guilty that I went on the holiday in the first place. Is there anything I should have done differently?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
LummV6taeKiCY4z2U1qgvNCm2lKTXC4z
|
b7d6xi
|
{
"description": "choosing to spend time with my friends or boyfriend rather than my family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for choosing to spend time with my friends or boyfriend rather than my family?
|
So I live with my family, we get along great, I help with works around the house daily, and i help with our bigger cleaning that we do every weekend.
i’m 17, I have a job and also go to art school so I have a lot of homeworks and very little free time. I have a boyfriend and a group of friends.
I usually spend my fridays at the bf and then go home.
My mom seems to have a problem with this, she always says how I’m a bad daughter because I’d rather be with my friends/bf than with her.
When I stay home and say that we should go somewhere we always end up only cleaning the house anyways - and then her crying because I can’t choose a place where i want to go with her.
the thing is i don’t really want to go somewhere with her when i can be with people that i have more fun with.
for example today, when i wanted to stay one more night with my bf, because my sunday shift was cancelled, she texted me that no, i need to go home and we’ll go somewhere as family.
So i got home, she told me to do the dishes and now I’m sitting at my computer for an hour, and when i ask her if we’re going anywhere she just say that “why should we go when u don’t wanna go anyways”
it just makes me mad and i feel like i’m wasting my time when i could have been elsewhere.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
DMJZUEwKzBRKUi0icQDi8hQXVLBZJoeI
|
a2hy6r
|
{
"description": "being upset at my friend who I thought I was dating",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being upset at my friend who I thought I was dating?
|
Sorry for the long post in advance, there is just a lot to cover here.
I \[20M\] don't really date because I've just had bad experiences in the past, but it's been 4 years since I was in a relationship so I decided to put myself out there. In my chem class, we have a small group of friends (we all met and started talking the past 2 months) which consists of myself, two other guys, and one girl \[21F\]. I knew the guys pretty well, but I never really talked to the girl until this past month. First day of us actually meeting each other, we talked in class and enjoyed each others company. Day two, she asks for my phone number and in my head, I take this as her showing interest in me. Day three, I ask her to coffee and she says yes which only reaffirms my belief that she likes me. After this, we keep talking for four more days, and then I decide to ask her to breakfast. She says she can't that day (Tuesday) but she can on Thursday. In my experience, when someone is into you, they show all of the signs that she showed me. Thursday comes, we have a great time at breakfast, and I get so excited about where things are going that I call my sister to tell her about this girl I've been seeing. My sister asks if I'm going to introduce her to our family anytime soon which makes me realize that I haven't actually asked her if we are dating or not. So I text her asking if these have been dates or us just hanging out as friends. About three hours later, she finally texts back that she thought we were just friends hanging out and that she doesn't want a relationship because things could get awkward next semester. I'm a little upset, but I'm an adult who can handle things not going my way, so I'm civil about everything and I reassure her that this won't have an effect on our friendship. I take the night to process everything that happened including everything she said and I still feel like she has feelings for me, and - although it's possible that I'm being delusional - I feel like her answer was a little open ended because she never said that she didn't have feelings for me. The next day, I text her again addressing this saying that if her only concern is that if things go bad between us then next semester will be awkward, or if she just only views me as a friend - which I could accept. She waits three days to finally respond and tells me that she's actually been seeing a guy since before she met me. At this point, I'm pissed because I feel like that was something she absolutely should have told me, even back when we got coffee. Although I never explicitly said that I was looking for a relationship, I felt like it was fairly obvious and she should've been more honest with me. I didn't respond to her text, and I don't really know how I'm going to react when I see her in class on Tuesday. So I'm asking, am I the asshole for being pissed about this situation? Or is this my fault for not explicitly stating my intentions on the first date?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
DKeig2zjZRNpBwZ2cBtZPjJzb11xBhjQ
|
b4y01x
|
{
"description": "not taking my fiance seriously",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not taking my fiance seriously?
|
My fiancé and I have had a rough time recently that has little to do with our relationship. The personal circumstances we are experiencing have caused us to stress and let go of our anger on each other. We both know that this needs to change and we have been working to resolve this.
We were having an especially rough morning and broke out into an argument. I can't even remember what we were arguing about because it wasn't over a real issue. Before we were able to resolve the argument, we had to go to work. We work for the same company but usually never see each other because we are in different departments. However, there was a required meeting everyone was required to be in that day. I could feel and see her giving me dagger eyes from across the room so I made a little heart with my hands to alleviate some of the tension. My fiancé made another heart but broke it in half which I thought was hilarious. In response, I texted her (yes during the meeting) "Thank you for splitting your heart and giving me half of it. I love you".
She responded back with "you're an ass for not taking me seriously" but I assumed that she was responding to my joke when she did this? I'm really confused on what I did wrong here but I obviously messed up since she hasn't talked to me much since that day (which was 2 days ago now). AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
ToqmSmHq4XYYnQZTEpmvMedZbyaUvM63
|
9zx1us
|
{
"description": "putting a girl in a bearhug after witnessing her spread lies about me to my whole team",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for putting a girl in a bearhug after witnessing her spread lies about me to my whole team.
|
Ok, strap in for a long one because there is a lot to explain. I work as a lifeguard at the public pool in my town and we usually work long shifts where no one is around except for your coworker, so you usually get to know the person pretty well. For a period of time me and another coworker (let's call her Amy) and I had a small relationship. It did not end well, we ended up having a fight but at the end of it we decided to sweep it under the rug and forget about it. Enter girl number 2, let's call her Katy. Katy and I have a long history because we were on the swim team together and went to school together and is a fellow lifeguard, I'm gonna be completely honest, I hate Katy. She led a boy on for THREE YEARS just because she wanted to do it because it was "funny". She is also a shit stirrer. Before the incidant she and I already did not like each other because I called her out on being a turd cake before. So, when. Katy finds out about my unceremonious breakup with Amy (that's another thing I hated about it, EVERYONE KNEW the second we started dating) Katy went on the full offensive, binging it up every single time we we're in a room together, weather it was at practice or while lifeguarding. It got so bad that I had to contact my coach and boss to try to get them to separate Katy and I. At practice she would always hop in my lane just to fuck with me and start shit. Throughout the couple of months she did this I usually just sucked it up and did not get angry or outburst at her, so it was building on me pretty heavily. Here comes the unfortunate day, we go to our final swim meet of the season, (literally the last day) and I'm getting ready to race, so I have my speedo on and my cap ready to get in, the girls had just dove in and a pretty sizeable chunk of the team is at the opposite end of the pool cheering on the girls. So I go over there to help support, but right as I walked up I hear Katy, straight up say to Amy, that I have been bragging about sending nudes and having sex with her. ( The relationship never got past the kissing stage) , I thing in my head "WhAt the fuCk" and I see red, I grab her by the shoulders and pull here away from the crowd and put her in an awkward but REALLY firm bear hug, and I tell her to fuck off and never speak of that again in a super aggressive tone. Then I let her go and I put on my swim cap and jump in the water and do my swim (was not a good swim btw) then go to the warm down lane and warm down, I get out of the water and my coach says, "Katy said you strangled her, your done"
I leave the last meet of the season in shame because I let my anger get the best of me. Fast forward to school, I get suspended, I have to talk to a judge and police officer, (got charged with battery). The day I get back I speak with the principal and Katy and her mother, I apologise in full about what I did, ( I do wholeheartedly regret it) I broke into tears while doing it. After that I told her how Katy borderline bullied me for four months, THE INSTANT I say that, Katy breaks down into tears and starts screaming and denying everything I said and how I was a total scumbag and how I was rude and abusive twords her before the incident, and straight up lies through her fucking TEETH about everything, then I try to explain how one of my friends and brother witnessed her doing it and they can come in and verify my claims the mother says " Friends and Brothers will lie for each other" I almost put HER in a bear hug after that comment. But I sat there. I sat there and took it all. I did not know what to do, so it's been sitting on my mind. For two years. I still can't tell if I am truly a scumbag or not. Now today I have heard all sorts of story's and rumors about what has really happened, some said I threw her on the ground and beat the tar out of her, that's the issue no one really saw the physical contact so lo and behold, people made up a bunch of shit. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
FhCAPHW3BjQPdWFJUxc6Dbgx0ib8KtsQ
|
atq62y
|
{
"description": "cutting off conversations with my wife when I feel antagonized",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for cutting off conversations with my wife when I feel antagonized?
|
An unfortunate pattern seems to be firmly rooted in my relationship with my wife, and I’m not sure whether I’m handling it correctly, or whether I’m just making it worse.
I’ll just leave an example of one of these conversations to avoid biasing this post (as much as possible)
W: I am angry at you
Me: 😮?
W: Guess what happen
Me: What happened?
W: Have you check your Canada account, to remove some of your Canada payment or Swatch to US payment
Me: ?
W: We get charge on Amazon.ca prime member to 2020, you said you have cancel, but it charge
We get charge by freedom mobile in February
You said we son’
you said we don’t have to cancel
But we need to
I will check on it
This weekend
Have you ever read your Wall Street Journal? It charge you 600 USD every year
And you paying with the Cananda card
Me: I will pay you back if I made a mistake
please don’t turn this into a fight
W: I try to say it politely 1 month ago, ask you to check you Canada account
Me: I will pay you back if I made a mistake
W: you say yes, you will deal with it
Me: please don’t turn this into a fight
W: But you didn’t
Me: I will pay you back if I made a mistake
please don’t turn this into a fight
W: How can I not be angry
Me: Because I will take responsibility for my mistake
Please end it here
I have a lot of work to do
W: I pay for you, and you can not afford to pay me back
I don’t want to be your sugar mom
M: I’m muting you now. You aren’t respecting my boundaries or being reasonable.
W: Send it to eveyone
Post on Facebook
to see who are not respect
I am not worry that to public our converstation
Let other people decide
So, I’m obviously not going to post this on facebook, but it did get me thinking that I might need a reality check. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
qo3uHsKfXkgl2IEPqZTfCxDOTQC8f0MW
|
azyax2
|
{
"description": "trying to get a Twitch streamer to admit fault",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for trying to get a Twitch streamer to admit fault?
|
So, there was a YouTube (YT) and Twitch streamer I really liked, let’s call her J for jerk. Now, J was fairly family-friendly on YT, but not so much on Twitch. She started streaming on Twitch more often than YT and that community wasn’t too thrilled about it. I was fine with it, though.
I also followed J’s boyfriend on both YT and Twitch, let’s call him B for bystander.
Anyway, J was streaming on Twitch more often than not, and uploading the highlights of her streams to YT, with curse words bleeped out. The community had mixed feelings, and J was getting a lot of crap for it. This is important. I supported her all the way.
That damned shiny Mr. Mime reaction highlight on YT. There was the usual “Holy \[bleep\]”. B was in the background, and he said that J has gotten more obscene since she started Twitch streaming.
My comment on the video: “B is right, you have gotten more obscene lately, but it makes the reactions as seen on YT a lot funnier!”
The next day, on B’s Twitch chat, I found I had been permanently banned from B’s chat. I created a second account with virtually the same name, and asked what was wrong. That got banned too. So I messaged the mods, asking what the heck was going on.
Keep in mind, I loved this community, and felt accepted here, and I wanted to join what we called “the mod squad”.
I was met with vague, toying replies, such as “you know what you did”, “don’t even try to deny it, we’ve seen it”, and the like. I annoyed pretty much all the mods. When I finally pinpointed what the issue was, the comment on the Mr. Mime video, I apologized, and was LITERALLY told to fuck off. I even deleted the original comment. Nothing. I was banned from both J and B’s Twitch chats because they shared a lot of mods.
So I tried getting the support of the community, by reposting the story on several of J’s YT videos. I wasn’t going to admit fault, because I didn’t feel like I did anything wrong in the first place. The mods again ignored me, and JOY HERSELF told me to go away and cool off. I did, I thought about it, and said (basically) “so long and thanks for all the fish.” I added that, after provoking the mods and being kind of a demanding dick about the whole situation, that I probably deserved the ban on J’s channel, but not B’s. He had nothing to do with this.
I still haven’t been let back in, and it’s been almost two months. Since then, I’ve undone all of my likes on J’s YT, and unsubscribed. I’m still allowed to watch, just no chat, but I don’t do that. The mods are almost always there and I now have a deep resentment for them. The worst part is, I can’t appeal my case without disclosing my identity and getting the third account banned as well.
In summary, I made a comment that looked insulting on the surface, and mods assumed I was being toxic and banned me. I reinforced this by being impatient, demanding, and annoying. Should I be let back into either chat?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
HHxogfHsvlNLk2HQOPKztwLNRIplu7Uo
|
afjnm2
|
{
"description": "not supporting a former friend",
"pronormative_score": 61,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not supporting a former friend?
|
I had two best friends, a boy and a girl, who were dating at the time. We'll call them Michael & Elizabeth. We were inseparable, we lived together (in a larger shared house) and had the occasional threesome.
After about a year, I met my current boyfriend, and we started casually dating. I told them, several times, how he felt so different and so special and how I was SERIOUSLY into him. I had always preferred non-monogamous relationships, but he insisted on monogamy. I was (and am) so in love with this man that I agreed!
But then things went off the rails. Michael told me that he felt my relationship came out of nowhere, and several times urged me to break up with my boyfriend. He told me that he always kind of felt like I was dating he & Elizabeth, as sort of a three-way-relationship. We had canoodled maybe five times total over the course of the year, so I was, understandably, very confused. I had chased my boyfriend for months, with their support and assistance, if Michael had wanted a relationship with me, he could have said something before, or let me know that's how he was thinking of me, at the very least.
A few months later, Michael & Elizabeth's relationship started going downhill, for a wide variety of reasons. Eventually she broke things off, and he lost his mind completely. He cried to me about how she was the love of his life and life wasn't worth living without her, that he didn't think anybody else would ever love him. I told him that was ridiculous. I urged him to seek assistance for his declining mental health, but he refused, claiming there were waitlists at therapists and inpatient treatment was too expensive. I provided him with information for clinics and even offered to accompany him if he wanted, but he continues to turn down my advice.
Eventually, he began confronting me with bizarre scenarios in an attempt to boost his confidence, I think. It started innocuously enough, "If you hadn't met boyfriend and I had never met Elizabeth, do you think we ever would have dated?" and "do you think we'll ever have sex again?" But soon progressed to "If your boyfriend broke up with you in the near future would you date me?" and eventually "If I were dying and my last wish were to have sex with you would you do it?"
I was very uncomfortable with these hypotheticals, and refused to talk about most of them. I had no interest in him, romantically or sexually, and no interest in pondering the loss of my boyfriend. Despite my telling him it made me uncomfortable, he didn't stop, and I began distancing myself from him.
His lack of respect for my relationship, and constant complaining about his mental health, while refusing to seek treatment led me to slowly cut all contact with him. Over course of the past few months I've removed him almost entirely from my life, a decision which I've been very pleased with. I no longer receive a flurry of text messages in the night, begging me to talk him out of his depressive state, and no longer have to worry, when I miss a call, that in absence of my support, he may have committed suicide.
Michael has always suffered from a variety of health issues, and a couple of months ago they took a dramatic turn for the worse. He can't stomach most foods, and the medicine they gave him to treat an infection gave him severe tinnitus (his ears constantly ring) and hyperacusis (he cant tolerate noise). The past several weeks, he's been posting on social media that he's become suicidal. Each time he posts, a different friend of his offers support, often going to visit him (at his home, almost two hours away from me) to keep him from being alone. While I think the sentiment is nice, and that the support is obviously effective, I don't believe a visitor every night is going to keep him from killing himself, in the long run. He needs help for his illness. He needs to seek REAL help from a PROFESSIONAL.
He's recently begun reaching out to me, begging me to come visit him, or just to talk to him again. I am still uncomfortable being around him, and have not answered any of his messages. Thinking about thrm fills me with so much anxiety I don't even open them, I just look at the first few words preview that I get in my notification bar. Yesterday he messaged me "I just don't want to be alone at the end."
Am I the asshole for not making amends? I feel like I should forgive & forget, but I don't want to. I know the "nice" thing to do would be forgive him, but I feel like I don't owe him that anymore. I can't handle the guilt and anxiety and stress that comes from being somebody's lifeline, let alone for a somebody that I don't even like that much anymore. The few months between the end of our friendship and the onset of the mental health issues were honestly great. I felt better than I had in a long time, without the burden of somebody else's mental health on my shoulders. Should I put myself back in an uncomfortable position to try and help keep him alive?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 60,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 61,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EBUvdNh0wztqU4zWasnCD0Sqw2thtXQ6
|
arhuuw
|
{
"description": "wanting the grooms men in my wedding to wear the color mint with their suits",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting the grooms men in my wedding to wear the color mint with their suits?
|
At first they complained about wearing the suits and just wanted to wear a shirt tie my fiancé put his foot down and said they have to wear a suit since he’s wearing one too.
Now my fiancé’s best man and grooms men are whining about wearing mint with their suits. They keep complaining about the color combination.
It’s a black jacket a mint shirt with a black tie and black slacks for the best man.
The grooms man is a black suit with the tie and handkerchief mint.
My fiancé is going to wear a black jacket and slacks with a white button (or black not sure yet) and mint tie, vest and handkerchief.
They keep whining about it being embarrassing and poking fun at the color. Now my fiancé who agreed to the color in the first place wants to do dark blue like his mother suggested, because they made him feel like he’s going to look “gay”.
Am I the asshole for wanting the grooms party to wear mint with their suits? Btw I mean the color mint not the plant called mint color.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
f8ur445p5I493eP8VqivtqlqFPmnPnf8
|
a8v9oc
|
{
"description": "going into my housemates' room without his knowledge and throwing away mouldy food",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for going into my housemates' room without his knowledge and throwing away mouldy food.
|
To get started, let’s call my housemates Ben, Fred & Michael.
During the year, Ben has been secretive about anyone going into his bedroom. There was one instance when I was coming home from work & saw his bedroom light upstairs was on, so I went upstairs to ask if he’d like a cigarette with me. He said no, I’d just woken him up from a nap & he'd be down in half an hour. I figured that’s weird but hey, he doesn’t want to see me right now that’s fine. There are multiple other similar instances of him being in, me knocking on his door to talk & him giving some excuse for me not to come in. I told Fred about this, and it turns out the exact same thing had happened to him all year too. So we planned that next time he was out we would go in to his room.
About a week later, he went out to work at his hometown and was leaving for approximately one week, so me and Fred went into his bedroom. What we discovered was that he wasn’t letting anyone into his room because it was filthy. Mould was even growing on the windowsill, possibly due to there being a mouldy bowl of food he had left on his desk, that I remember seeing him take to his room three weeks prior. Unwashed underwear and clothes scattered everywhere, empty packets of food, the stench of sweat, no cover on the mattress.... that was the main elements to the disgustingness of the room.
Me and Fred are quite upset by it because, although it is his room, it is the best one in the house he picked for himself as we moved in and our bedrooms are much smaller for the same amount of rent. He also has the best bathroom next to his bedroom that he shares with Michael, that as we looked in, was filthy also. He had left skid marks in the toilet, and hair in the sink. We spoke to Michael about this and he says this has been an issue all year, and he has cleaned up after him because he suspects Ben has depression. This is because he had also looked into Ben's bedroom previously in the year and seen the filth, coupled with the mess in the bathroom, and so has felt afraid to ask for it to be cleaned in case it upsets and embarrasses him and makes his depression worse. Whether or not he does have depression is a mystery.
He did come back again, but left to work in his hometown again. We checked his room again and the mouldy food was gone... but knowing something wasn’t quite right we looked in his drawers. And wouldn’t you know it, he had hidden the mouldy food in his drawers.
Now here is why I’m asking if I’m the asshole in this. Because he was leaving for a week, we felt it was unhygienic to leave the mouldy food in his room any longer, so we threw it away. The bowl and fork included. So, obviously, when he came back he would have seen the food had been removed.
Now because it’s embarrassing of course, he hasn’t mentioned the food. But when he came back he packed up his things for the Christmas break immediately and left without saying goodbye to anyone. In our opinion (at the time), we removed the health hazard because it had to go immediately and we didn’t mention it to him because, not only would it embarrass him, but we’d have to admit we were in his bedroom without his knowledge. After some thought, I don’t know if it was handled correctly. I am struggling to feel bad because I personally do not like Ben, I know it’s a symptom of illness but the illness isn’t confirmed and the filth and smell was repulsive.
AMTAH?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
iliMsmAazh4McpTValApkp1w7GSoT4VZ
|
amkjkm
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend for her preferences",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend for her preferences?
|
I made a throwaway account because I don't feel comfortable sharing this on my main. Sorry if the title is confusing, I don't want to make people uncomfortable but I mean fetish. My gf (27) and Me (f23) have been dating for 3 years. We don't do 'that' that often but when we do she never asked me to do this. She told me she would like to Role play a little girl and me a man. I was confused but when a long because I thought it was one of those DDLG things. Long story short she starts screaming and crying. I ask her what's wrong and she says I'm playing a r***** and she's a little girl being *****. I got off her and told her I'm not comfortable with this at all. She knows my sister was in an abusive relationship for 6 months and was *****. (I'm sorry I don't feel comfortable saying let alone typing it.)
Shes good friends with my sister, and knows what he has done to her. I tell her I want to stop and leave the bedroom. She comes out a few hours later and tells me "I'm no fun" I tell her I'm not comfortable with this and she leaves to go to a bar I presume. She comes back in the morning around 5, (it was around 1 when she left) in an uber and goes to bed. Next morning I go to work, and when I get back shes still mad at me. I ask her whats wrong and she brings up that day. (This all happened about 6 days ago) I tell her some things that I wanted to do, but she didn't want to do and we didn't do them, and I respect her, and she should respect me. She rants about all the things she does for me, and I try to tell her that a love her and loves the things she does for me. She calles me an asshole and goes to the bedroom. We fight for about a week, and she starts screaming at me saying "It didn't happen to you, so why can't you do it for me?" I was mad and a break up with her. She starts to break down and goes to the bedroom. I go to work the next morning and she packs up what she has and leaves. (She only had a few things, about 7 small boxes.) She leaves. I miss her so much and I want her back. I want her to apologize for lashing out like that, but at this point I feel like if I apologize to her she'll come back.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
BWdbobr1x9vx1zr0YYVinf2Y9Nx8DeCr
|
auj822
|
{
"description": "giving a waitress a big tip",
"pronormative_score": 216,
"contranormative_score": 49
}
|
AITA for giving a waitress a big tip?
|
Right now, I'm seeing a woman in a fairly casual situation. I'm 27 years old and she's 25, and the incident I'll talk about happened on our third date.
On Saturday night we went to a gourmet burgers and fries place (think Pulp Fiction John Travolta/Uma Thurman car in the wall joint) for my birthday dinner. It was her choice and I thought it sounded like a grand idea, as corny restaurants are always a blast. A while after our burgers came the waitress paid us the typical "how is everything" visit, and stuck around for a short chat after. During the course of our talk I ended up mentioning that it was my birthday, and she told me that it was hers too. It was a nice little coincidence and we all seemed to get a kick out of it.
Eventually our waitress excused herself. After we finished eating we ordered a couple of shakes, at which point the waitress and I nicknamed each other "birthday girl" and "birthday boy," respectively.
Our check came, and to my surprise my date didn't make any indication that she was going to pay. I didn't raise a stink about it of course, and I didn't think it was exactly a huge deal. I thought it was normally for the non-birthday party to pay on someone else's birthday, but again, different people may be used to different things.
I checked the bill and saw "Happy Birthday!" written at the bottom with a cute smiley face. I put in the cost of the meal with a standard tip, and we got up and put on our coats. At the last second I told my date to hold on a bit, opened the bill back up, and slipped in another $100. I wrote with the provided pen "You too!" next to her message. My date noticed this and gave me a sideways look.
In the car I asked what she wanted to do next, and she gave me the silent treatment, just kind of sighing and looking out the window. I figured it had something to do with the tip I gave the waitress because that's when she started acting like that. I asked what was wrong and she just responded by settling deeper into the seat. The next few minutes were completely silent and I just started heading towards her house.
She abruptly blurted out a bit later that I was wasting my money and she couldn't believe I was so irresponsible. I asked her what was wrong with giving $100 to our waitress for her great service, and she said that I should have spent the money elsewhere, or at least given it to a deserving charity. Again, I reiterated that I felt it wasn't a big deal, and couldn't get a decent answer out of her.
I took her home and without a word she just stepped out of my car, walked to her front door, opened the door, and walked without even turning her head back. Last night she texted me saying that I overtipped the waitress and asked how I felt about giving the waitress $100 when I haven't given her (my date) a single gift yet. I haven't responded and it is kind of keeping me up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 208,
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
1jX7rJLSLXB31XaAOhoIo5MOTC6DTvhZ
|
a8t146
|
{
"description": "not believing that my girlfriend didn't accidentally send me a message of her talking shit about me",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not believing that my girlfriend didn't accidentally send me a message of her talking shit about me?
|
Earlier today I received a message from my girlfriend essentially talking shit about me. I believe she meant to send it to a friend but accidentally sent it to me instead. We've been fighting over this all day and she still FIRMLY denies it, saying she has no idea how it happened and it has nothing to do with her.
Although this may seem like a petty fight, she is threatening to break up with me because she feels it highlights trust issues in our relationship. Am I in the wrong for not believing her? Is it possible its some sort of glitch in the ios text app?
​
Added info that might be relevant:
\- The message included (in quotations) a quote from a text I had sent the day before, that then included a snarky remark
\- She tried to shift the argument away from the text message and went on to attack me
\- In her defence, I don't believe her to be the talk shit type and she seems very genuine that she didn't send it
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
dDTKP80FMvoO5qVfeodqSHTnperamF9i
|
ai01z7
|
{
"description": "breaking up with a girl a couple days after we hooked up",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For breaking up with a girl a couple days after we hooked up?
|
Okay here's some more context because I don't think I'm too much of an asshole in this situation although my best friend always jokingly says I am. I'm 18 btw.
My bestfriend(Sam) invited me and our friend(Jennifer) over to his apartment for drinks in the evening. Jennifer brought her best friend (Joyce) along and Joyce and I hit it off really well. We got tipsy and started dancing and sang karaoke but then Jennifer and Sam both practically forced me to ask for Joyce's number before she left (even though they knew I was recently out of a difficult relationship) and so I did. After that day I was pretty hung over so I didn't do anything with the number but later that evening Jennifer asked me out to a movie and so I went along except when I got there Joyce and Sam was there as well which was weird but I didn't act too surprised. During the movie Sam and Jennifer were both shipping us really hard and asked us why we weren't holding hands and so Joyce grabbed my hand and I went along with it. I started flirting with her because at this point I thought whatever, she's cool and attractive I'll go along with it. The day after that Jennifer and Sam invited me to her house to watch a movie with them and Joyce and I said yes and pretty much ended up hooking up with Joyce. After that, in front of both Jennifer and Sam Joyce asked me what we were and she asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend and I just said Yes because in a way I didn't want to embarrass her. The day after that we meet again at Sams apartment and I had to get Joyce and on the way to his place she tells me that she's told her parents about me and asked me if I wanted to come for some family event with her to meet them. She also asked me about my religion among other things. Suffice it to say I broke it off with her the day after and because I "hit it and quit it" Jennifer stopped talking to me forever.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
o4mleUibH68YgVKV4B1tlVsN0fZYpgLm
|
apbdev
|
{
"description": "refusing to talk to my father after an argument",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to talk to my father after an argument?
|
So some backstory, I (17F) got into a huge argument with my father (57F) this past Thursday. It has now been 3 days since I’ve said anything to him, and honestly I don’t want to talk to him.
My mom asked me to come out to the living room to talk to be with my father present because she had noticed that something had been putting me in a bad mood lately and she wanted to talk to me about it. So, I explained to her and him that a lot of it was how my father had been reacting to things I said, and in general, being very disrespectful and inconsiderate of my feelings.
He proceeds to flip out at this information. He began playing the victim card (“it’s always my fault”) when I tried discussing with him that some ways he says stuff bothers me. This turned into him completely not listening to me and he began full on yelling.
My mom then says “you guys need a mediator” to which he FLIPS out and yells “I DONT NEED A GODDAMN MEDIATOR” and storms up to me from across the room and starts screaming obscenities in my face.
This is not an isolated incident. Even at an appointment with a counselor, he acted the same way and refused to listen or even try to understand my point of view. This has also happened countless times with my mother. To me it seems like he refuses to accept responsibility for any issues and forces blame onto any easy target, which lately has become me.
So Reddit, AITA for refusing to accept this behavior from my father? Is there something else I can do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
R2JSt8DXOJ3N9JA2wkDjhbkVjDvzY4O0
|
a8nc76
|
{
"description": "being grateful to a Nazi for saving my families life",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for being grateful to a Nazi for saving my families life?
|
My family was in desperate circumstances in the 1950's. My father was sick at the time as a child and my grandparents couldn't afford medical treatment. Then a man overheard my grandfather speaking about the difficulty to his friends. He offered to loan my grandfather to pay for my father's medical treatments (he tried to give it as a gift but my grandfather was a proud man and refused that)
My grandfather bought proper medicine for my father and when he had enough money saved was ready to pay the man back.
However, when he contacted the address of the man. It was a hotel and the man hadn't been living there for at east a year (he had paid cash and gave no location). My grandfather looked for him but eventually gave up.
My grandfather is dead and my father and I recently looked up the man in question. It is likely that he was a member of the SS. He had committed war crimes against Jewish populations and was a strong anti-Semite. He stayed under various pseudonyms (including the one he gave us) and moved every now and then before the authorities could gain a trace on him.
I feel very conflicted on the one hand this man in question was known for executing Jews in particularly vicious ways. On the other hand my father might not be alive without him. It is definitely the same person.
I want to create a charitable trust in this man's name at some point. As I think it will be a way of showing that even very brutal people can occasionally do some good.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
TAKpWInIAMjbf4W5COHsKgW24wo0gUHH
|
as2mt0
|
{
"description": "wanting to cut contact with my brother outside of family gatherings",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to cut contact with my brother outside of family gatherings?
|
My brother is a great human being. Funny, smart, and just an overall great person. Growing up we didn't get along, like most siblings, but we attended the same university and I spent time with him and his friends more than anyone, so we became close like I've always wanted.
Since college, I've realized I put in more effort to our relationship than he does. I would call, text, ask to hangout, etc., but if I didn't prompt it, we never would. A couple years ago, he moved to another country, and I tried to keep up the phone calls and text, but it just became more apparent how little effort he would give.
Since we now rely mostly rely on his vacation time back in the states to catch up, that's what I would look forward to the most. So I would stay at my parents house when he visits (commuting about an hour to work) so we could try to spend more time together. But when he would visit, he would spent all of his time meeting up with his friends and our extended family that live nearby, but would never make time to spend with me. At this point, I feel like the time I do spend with him is wasted.
Let me be clear, my brother isn't doing this maliciously. He just doesn't think about me or our relationship as being something he needs to work or spend time on. I'm his sister, always will be. And that's that. I don't blame him for his perspective, and I don't resent him for it. However, with hindsight, I could have put that time and effort into building other friendships or relationships, and instead I've tried over and over to be friends with someone who just doesn't want to be friends.
So I'm wondering: am I an asshole for wanting to cut contact with my brother outside of family gatherings? He is moving back to the states this year and I'm trying to figure out what is best for me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
YpW3NiYNFgy31ie2QISVqoQ7m3N3ByOn
|
apzok4
|
{
"description": "not wanting to buy a house with my brother",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to buy a house with my brother?
|
19F here. First time posting on a subreddit.. forgive me for formatting errors. Also this post is super long because I'm not even the slightest bit concise. TLDR at bottom.
Last night my father was talking to me (mom in the room) about my plans beyond college. He started suggesting that my brother (24) and I buy a house together once I'm done with college. With my great credit (in a few years) and my brothers money, he thinks we will be able to get equity on the house and sell it to make a profit for both of us or that my brother and I could rent the house out and profit there. However, I don't want to go in on a house with my brother. A few years ago he got in a lot of trouble for a DUI & drug possession. We helped him out of that. A year later we found out he was doing drugs like cocaine and meth. We had to take him to the hospital because he was being hyper-aggressive with my dad and eventually passed out. That's how we found out about the drugs he was doing. During this time, he ran his credit cards up, and is in debt of about $10,000, and his credit has suffered as a consequence. My parents kicked him out, but helped him find an apartment with a roommate, and there he was able to become financially independent and get his life together. He moved back into our house a few months ago to save money and my parents thought he was getting back on track. So far, he hasn't done anything bad. He has a good job now and is making good money.
I currently have great credit, and if I keep it up for a few years, I will be able to buy a house or a condo on my own. I'm building my savings, too. I have my own plans beyond college to buy a house that I can live in and rent rooms to people to and eventually sell it if that's the right plan for me.
I told my dad that I don't want to buy a house with my brother. He hasn't proven himself to me yet. My dad gets upset for a second about how I need to be there to take care of my brother and make sure he stays on track once they're gone. I tell him that I'm not planning on leaving my brother behind. But as of right now, I can't see myself buying a house with my brother.
This morning my mom is all mad at me. She's telling me that her and my dad are handing me my education on a silver platter, and that my plans to move out after college are selfish, when I could be helping both myself and my brother by going in on a house with him. I left her room because she told me not to talk to her about it anymore. Then she texts me a few hours later asking why I'm hiding in my room. I tell her I'm annoyed and don't think I'm being selfish right now. She texts me the following: "Of course you don't think you are selfish. Who does especially when they are being selfish." Maybe I am being selfish. In fact I think I am being selfish. But I don't think it's so bad to look out for my own self interest in this situation..
Also, my parents have to pay out of pocket for my schooling because they haven't filed a tax return in years so I can't apply for FAFSA to get financial aid. This has made it harder on them because they're dishing out about $2000 a semester for me to go to school. They have constantly pushed me to go to school and get a degree because none of them ever got one. And I WANT my degree. They have seemed happy to be paying for my schooling because the payoff when I'm older will be great. AITA for thinking them "handing me my education on a silver platter" isn't such a bad thing? They didn't file tax returns. It's not my fault I can't get FAFSA.
It makes me so frustrated. My parents haven't even talked to my brother about whether or not he wants to own a house with me. I would assume he doesn't. I don't really understand how my education factors into any of this because my brother does not pay for my education.
TL;DR My parents want me to buy a house with my brother once I'm done with college. He hasn't shown me that he can keep his finances in order for a long enough time to actually buy a house with him. Mom thinks I am being selfish because they pay out of pocket for my schooling. I don't think I owe it to him or them to buy a house with my brother to supposedly help him. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
RG3fpPRBvRPtf17fZkTkNa0GVgbue1Ht
|
af3oq1
|
{
"description": "needing some quiet when visiting family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for needing some quiet when visiting family?
|
There's about a million things that could cause it, but I've never been able to deal with a lot of loud noise. Generally I can function outside of home, because I know I can't expect the world to change because I'm one of those assholes from A Quiet Place but with less murder and more crying and wanting it to go away. I go through a lot of earplugs, and noise cancelling headphones have probably been one of my best purchases. But continuous noise stresses me out, and compounds on other stresses and even itself.
I've always been like this, so my family knows, and nobody is under the age of ten. But they've never really been willing to quiet down. Any tkme I spend at home is a constant cacaphony of stomping, screaming, shouting, bickering, slamming doors, TVs turned up so loud it's a miracle nobody's got hearing damage, and it never stops. They even scream in the car, and it's a fight to get the volume on anything playing under 50. From 7 AM to past midnight, it's a constant barrage of pointless noise that makes actually spending time with family either very stressful or nearly impossible. I have approached family members asking them to please be more quiet, offering solutions and compromises, but I get told "Well OP, the world can't change to suit your needs." And I get that, but I kind of wish that I could at least be met halfway at the family home where I am supposedly always welcome. Last visit, after a screaming match between my mom and my brother, I packed my things and left a day early. I told them I had stuff to take care of at home, job applications to send out, etc, but the real reason was after six days of this I couldn't take it anymore.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole for wanting my family to quiet down just a bit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
IOAO0625oiJ5zaANnPZDg4JAUOZ2VKrA
|
b4nz5t
|
{
"description": "breaking up with him because he cancelled plans on me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for breaking up with him because he cancelled plans on me?
|
Hey guys, here's the deal: when I was a teenager I was involved in several relationships with several predatory adults. It made me develop pretty rigid standards for my partners in my adult life. Now I'm trying to see if I was too harsh by breaking up with my boyfriend for behavior that I thought was pretty disrespectful.
My boyfriend and I have been official for a couple weeks. We got close pretty fast, spent a lot of time together on the dates we did have, etc.
Since last week, we had plans for Thursday of this week. Backstory: his great-grandfather has been in the hospital for a little while. On Monday, his mother said that she wanted to visit him on Thursday. I was a little irritated, because we had plans and he could have seen his grandfather earlier/communicated with his mother that he would have preferred a different day. However, I ultimately decided it wasn't a big deal because it did involve a sick relative. We rescheduled our plans for Wednesday and I decided to let it go.
We also made plans for this Saturday morning (time unspecified). We texted for most of the day on Friday before he had to go to work. We normally text after his work too. I figured we would chat after his work to finalize what time he was coming over. I texted him, he didn't text me back. I was already kind of upset, but figured I'd call him in the morning and we'd work it out.
He didn't text me until 12:30 this afternoon. He told me he didn't mean to sleep in that late. I asked him if he was still coming, and he told me he couldn't make it because his sister surprised his family with a visit (he still lives with his dad). Sister lives about a 9 hour drive from here. I told him that I was disappointed with his actions and wouldn't be okay with anything like that happening again, and I'd need to think about it before continuing things. It sucks that his sister didn't give them more notice but he had plans. It wasn't cool of him to cancel. I asked him how long his sister would be staying, figuring that I would let it go if she was only staying for the weekend as long as he talked to his sister and asked for more head's up going forward.
Turns out, she was staying for a week. I thought it was ridiculous that since she was staying for a week, he was unwilling to tell her that he had already made plans for today but would see her like, literally any other day. With that being said, I gave him an ultimatum: if he didn't come over, I was breaking up with him. He decided not to come. I broke up with him.
Was my ultimatum too harsh, or was I justified? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 19
}
|
WRONG
|
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