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8quLrtkO3LFpv1g8t6f0WTaWbyll0K7I
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b9yu3y
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{
"description": "dissing diamonds in front of my friend and her BF",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dissing diamonds in front of my friend and her BF?
|
The title sound like I'm a jerk, but please read for the full story:
​
My SO and I were hanging out with two other couples. For background, all three couples live together in our late 20's, and intend to get married someday in the near-ish future, but no proposals yet or anything. But the main focus was one couple in particular who are good friends of mine. I'll call them FriendLady and FriendGuy.
​
We're all in a room chatting, girls having a chat, and guys having a chat slightly in our own corners, but can overhear each other's conversations. FriendGuy starts telling my BF something about "diamonds can be lab-made now and they look virtually the same as a non-lab diamond". FriendLady turns away from our conversation, towards FriendGuy, and states very aggressively "don't get any ideas, they are NOT the same". FriendGuy just chuckled, and took it well.
​
FriendLady returns to the girl conversation, and asks me "so are you and \[SO\] getting engaged anytime soon?" And I said "I'm not sure, that's his call. He knows the ring I want and all that, but I'm fine waiting and want to be surprised." She wanted to know more about the ring I wanted, so I answered honestly. I said "I actually don't want a diamond, just a really simple 1-ct white sapphire is my preference. I think the one I want is about $300, which saves us a lot of money." Then FriendLady addresses this with FriendGuy and tells him not to "get any ideas" (implying she still wanted a big diamond). FriendGuy was chill about it, but the whole vibe got weird. It felt like she was pretty disgruntled with my opinion, and then my own SO piped in, with what seemed like him backing me up, gave me a high-five, and said something like "and that's why I love you". FriendLady said, "well, you're not normal". I don't THINK she meant this as a diss (I'm historically the friend in the group who doesn't subscribe to as many social norms), but it felt like I maybe pissed her off. AITA for sharing an opinion I knew she disagreed with?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
bwraSe3DSrJZamIHcpJozDOhgO4otBl5
|
ajrx09
|
{
"description": "being a bit upset at my SO's weekly use of pto",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for being a bit upset at my SO's weekly use of PTO?
|
My SO and I are both in our late 20s and moved across country in order for him to have more work opportunity. He currently works a labor-intensive job with a typical 4-10 schedule most weeks and very few holidays. I work as a tutor, and I work six days a week with a lot of additional prep work between/after sessions both out and from home.
My big issue is our different kinds of work ethic, I suppose. He's a hard worker, and I respect him very much for the work he does. He's regularly trying for promotions and other means to better his position, in hopes to ultimately get a better job. That is by no means the issue.
But nearly every week, sometimes twice a week, he uses his PTO to just sleep in. And it isn't just at the end of the works week. He's using it today after being off for his three day weekend, likely because he stayed up too late playing video games. When I ask him about it, he says he just didn't feel good or was tired (well of course, you went to bed at 2am knowing you had to get up for work in 5 hours). Or he'll claim he was feeling unusually sick (conveniently for 1-3hrs). However it develops, his argument ultimately boils down to "It's PTO, it's fine because I'm still getting paid." Then he gets mad at me for being upset.
This just doesn't sit well with me. Both of my parents run their own businesses and work easily 60+hrs a week. I've grown up with their devotion to making it work and dealing with working tired/sore/sick. Stayed up too late? Too bad, still need to go in. My work is much the same way. If I decide to binge games until 2am, I still have to meet that college student or have that online session with a student three time zones ahead.
In all those situations we don't get paid if we're not there to make it happen, and seeing him get paid to basically sleep in or not go at all just ticks me off. To me, that time is supposed to be accrued for when you're really sick and out of sick days, for holidays together, for a chance to go home and see our families that now live 2500 miles away. But instead he burns through it to sleep in and passes it off as okay because he still gets the same amount of money as if he went into work on time.
I don't say anything anymore. I just suck it up and grumble, but it does bother me. I do legitimately believe that he's just abusing the system and selfishly using his accrued time.
So Reddit, AITA for being upset over how my SO uses his PTO?
TL;DR - SO works a labor heavy job and often uses his PTO to sleep in, even after having a weekend off. He thinks it's fine because it's paid. This bothers me because I grew up with a different work ethic and think PTO should be saved for important events like birthdays/extending holidays/seeing family. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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"NOBODY": 4,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
UKT4vH0p6k8MuX22xF2piLyNhjFAoQHV
|
abaxnp
|
{
"description": "making an autistic person cry",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for making an autistic person cry
|
My older brother is a 23 year old man living with autism (actually I’m pretty sure it would be what most people consider Asperger’s, but that’s not a diagnosed condition anymore, as far as I know). I have always been very defensive of him, since we are very close age and he has always been an easy target for bullies, but as we’ve grown up I’ve been both proud and surprised by his personal, academic, and professional successes. He currently still lives at home with our parents.
He has several friends, and most of them are pretty cool, but there is one in particular, who we’ll call J. J is also an adult with autism, and he hangs out with my brother pretty frequently. To give a little relevant background on J, he is working on a book. My brother emailed me a copy of the manuscript and it’s about on par with bad fanfiction. J also perpetually wears a fedora and poorly fitting clothes.
Now, I’ve been around them and J always talks to my brother with kind of a dick-ish tone, but I had never heard or seen him do anything mean enough to my brother to call him out on it, and my brother is very passive so he never says anything about it. That was until one time I was home from college for a weekend, and my parents were both out of the house. I was studying in the kitchen quietly. I think J assumed I had left as well, because while he and my brother were in the other room playing a video game I heard him call my brother a “fucking idiot.”
At this point I was pretty pissed, so I call out “Hey, J.” But he doesn’t answer. I’m pretty sure he was processing the fact that I was still home and heard what he said.
I call his name again, and he tells me he’s “a little busy.” Now I’d had it. I got up and went into the room with them, and I told him he’s not going to talk to my brother like that, especially not in our own house. He told me he has no idea what I’m talking about, and “it’s not your house, it’s your parents house.” Now, I’m beyond angry but I manage to keep my voice down and explain what I heard, and J calls me names and cussed at me, so I tell him he needs to leave before I call the police.
He gets up to leave but as he’s at the door he turns around and apologizes to my brother for the way he was talking to him. My brother’s eyes are on the floor, but he accepts the apology. I tell him “thanks for apologizing,” but as I look over at my brother who is incredibly embarrassed my blood starts to boil. So I look back at J and add: “but just so you know, your hat is stupid, your shirt is too big, and your book fucking sucks, so get off your high horse around my brother.” After that he sat down on the couch and started crying.
I left a little bit later, and got a call from my mom who told me I might want to tell him I didn’t mean that stuff, because apparently he stayed for dinner and started crying again over it. Honestly I feel kind of bad about it, but I didn’t ever apologize or take it back, because I still think he deserved it. And my brother told me he was glad I stuck up for him.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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{
"RIGHT": 5,
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|
WRONG
|
MZRJtYQL7Gv7BtveMBBsB3ALBj3HJzQo
|
athm2w
|
{
"description": "telling the police about an 84 year old man who may have harassed me",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA - If I tell the police about an 84 year old man who may have harassed me.
|
A week back, I was walking home from school, where an old man was stood, shaking and struggling to carry his things. I offered to take his bags and help him walk wherever he needed. It turned out he was on his way to the hearing clinic, a 2 minute walk away for someone my age and health. The trip ended up taking an hour, and we sat down every 5 minutes, so he could catch his breath - I didn’t mind, I was happy to help and talk with him about his life. On one of our stops, he begins telling me about how his wife died a few weeks ago, his house was broken into and the police took his license. I greeted this conversation with sympathy and let him pour out his feelings.
On one of our last little stops before the clinic, he asks my age, and I told him I was 18, he looked shocked and I told him I don’t look 18 because I don’t dress it (I look very young and wear no makeup, coupled with track pants and men’s shirts) he then laughed and said “how do you look when you’re undressed?” i brushed his comment off with a laugh and explained to him what I meant. This was the first red flag, I’ll mention we are on the main street of my city and there are MANY people around. He was also making very blatant racist comments and telling me how beautiful my fair skin is.
About a minute later, he starts forcefully rubbing above the crotch area of my pants, I move away from him but he continues, I took his hand off of me and told him it wasn’t okay, with a laugh, out of nervousness and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings after what he’s been through, although he responded with “why isn’t it okay?”.
After this I uncomfortably walked him the full way to the clinic and then left, I called my friend straight after and cried on the phone to him in public, not because of what had happened to me, but because this man had such a hard life, and that I don’t know who else would have helped him if not for me. I felt too ashamed and embarrassed to say he had touched me, and i don’t know if it’s my place to say anything.
My friend says to report it to the police, but the man has been so much recently, I don’t know if he was just grooming me, though. This man also gave me his address and told me to visit him. He was well aware I am still a student. Will I be the asshole if I make a police report? Am I the asshole for feeling like a victim?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
AjlJqCVdeaUDXdcVWFYHpIofFiPyU1Lo
|
avda45
|
{
"description": "considering breaking up with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for considering breaking up with my gf?
|
So to give context, I'm 21 and almost done with my final year of uni. I've been dating my girlfriend for the past year and a half and we love each other very much and have reached a point in our relationship where we are genuinely thinking about our future but I'm uncertain about our future due to how my family acts around the situation.
I'm British born to Nigerian parents and unfortunately most of the time the attitude of marrying a non-Nigerian is still something looked down upon, when trying to talk to my parents about this I'm often met with discussion ending in how I would be disowned from the entire family should this happen and that they have no interest in even meeting her. It's all very disheartening for me especially when one of the few family who I felt like I could always find support in (one of my uncles) shared the same view, especially as I didn't perceive this to be that much of an issue when we started dating but I was sorely mistaken.
I've talked to my girlfriend about this before and she understands it may be difficult but despite this she willing to still try.
My issue is I feel like eventually I will be made to make a decision between her and my family and it really gets to me. It's been causing me to have panic attacks at times and has been a constant plague on my mind. This has led to a few times where I've considered ending things with my girlfriend because as much as I love her the potential lack of support from my entire family that could happen has put some doubt in our future together.
I'm at a loss here, I really do not what to do, I just wanna know if I'm an asshole for thinking like this.
Thanks for reading
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
RIGHT
|
VcMrK86BTi50bZ7RrUwPZDUpQbd4EE7V
|
b23fjo
|
{
"description": "not telling my abusive dad about my sister's hospital visit",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my abusive dad about my sister's hospital visit?
|
Warning: very long post and backstory
I made a Reddit account purely for this. You'll need some backstory for this too.
My father was violent and domestically abused my mum and I. His abuse towards my mother started when I was born and towards me when I was 7 and started siding with my mum. He had manipulated me to side with him and ignore my mum for the first 7 years of my life, therefore isolating her in a foreign country without any family to rely on and providing a daughter to hold hostage if my mum decided to call the police. (We had immigrated to the UK and all of our family was in another country. It took them 12 years to believe the stories my mum was telling them about my father) He was mentally ill but refused to receive any professional assistance; he knew of this fact too. His abuse worsend over the years and he was an alcoholic and eventually a gambler that wasted tens of thousands of pounds. This eventually lead to a restraining order and divorce.
Now for a different story. My sister's. My sister ADORES my dad. If there was no restraining order, she would have left with him. He had masks which never cracked in front of others. A helpful, amiable mask for society, a funny, loving dad and then his true form. His masks were so good that the majority of our family friends think that it was my mum's fault. My sister is 9 years old btw.
One day, I was ill so I took the day off. My sister went to school. My mum was at work. At around 1:30pm, my mum called and said they were coming home because my sister's ear was hurting. We were slightly worried because she has had ear problems before and had to have surgery for it. Anyways, they went to see the doctor and were redirected towards hospital. I have a bug and a migraine at this point so I wasn't thinking straight. Calling my dad and informing him, who was probably working anyways, didn't even cross my mind.
She was discharged and life went on as usual. Two weeks later, my dad calls me to yell at me for not telling him. "She is my daughter", "I am your father", "You don't care about your father", "You should have told me as soon as she was admitted", etc. Calmly, I asked him why he hadn't called for 2 weeks and why he hadn't come to visit us even after the restraining order had ended 4 months ago. I handed the phone to my sister and had to sit down for a minute.
On New Years, I had gotten into an argument with him after he tried to drunkenly bully me over text after I had sent him a Happy New Years text. He had said quite a lot of stuff that was meant to hurt me.
I have really been thinking over everything and I've started to see my faults. I should have informed him even if I had a grudge of sorts. Or I should have encouraged my sister more to call him.
TL;DR AITA for not calling my abusive and neglectful dad about my sister's hospital visit due to a grudge?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Kh8Gh1nqPgWSSTV5Jfnke4VQs0nUlNov
|
9za700
|
{
"description": "getting increasingly irritated with my friend for talking-while-eating",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting increasingly irritated with my friend for talking-while-eating?
|
I use a messaging app called Marco Polo for 90% of my communication these days. Think "video walkie-talkie" if you've never heard of it; you record a video message and they receive it, can be as short or long as you want, you can watch live or later, but you can't talk over each other.
Anyway, my buddy has this annoying habit of sending these messages while he's eating. So he's talking whilst chewing and smacking his lips and pausing to swallow and take another bite, etc. He *never* does this in-person, but for some reason he does it a lot via Marco Polo.
I think I'm a good communicator, so we've talked about it. I've let him know that it irks me. He's heard me, but he keeps doing it. I've gone from politely explaining that it's a personal pet peeve of mine and asking him to stop as a favour/compromise for a friend - to straight up yelling at him to stop being gross.
I finally snapped the other day when we were in a group chat with him and my wife and he was doing it again. So when I finished his message, I responded by stating that I refuse to acknowledge or respond to anything he says while he's eating. I'd *previously* sent a much harsher message but I deleted it, and I'm pretty sure he didn't see it - but my wife did and she thought it was way overboard, and thought my altered version wasn't much better. Which led to this post.
I get that it's a personal pet peeve of mine. I get that it's my problem and not his. It does not hinder my ability to understand what he's saying, and I rarely see the food in his mouth. But the *sounds* - my goodness the sounds are the stuff of gory horror movies to me. This app amplifies/equalises sounds like crazy, which is usually a very good thing. But I'm this specific situation, it makes me not want to talk to him on the app anymore because I don't know when I'll be affronted by his habit.
**For context**; this us a very close friend who is now my co-worker. We're like brothers at this point - for better *and* worse. I have very few friends I'm this close to that I *also* "fight" with. I'm brutally honest with him when I feel it's necessary, because I know I don't have to play it safe seeing as our bond is strong enough. He's not as brutally honest with me because I'm a perfect human being who can do no wrong (/s), but he *does* take a lot of liberties with our relationship for the same reason I'm honest with him. As such, I feel like I've been coming down on him for various things over the last year that make me feel like a nagging parent, but at the same time I feel like he *needs* to hear that he's breaking a bunch of (what I consider to be) common decency/etiquette rules. I can give plenty of examples but this is awa already way too long.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
2t0k1L5zef3HHKjm2PLkfOaXbgFLeeX5
|
axgd52
|
{
"description": "getting agitated at my teacher",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Getting Agitated At My Teacher?
|
In our High School we are fortunate enough to have a Gaming/VR Lab. We can go in there during Lunch/Resource and play games. The main attractions are Overwatch, League of Legends, Apex Legends, Smash Bros, and Fortnite.
Personally since I don’t usually have homework for Resource, I go and play Fortnite. It doesn’t have an E-Sport Team unlike Overwatch and LoL, but I just like to have fun. My teacher however, does not like Fortnite. I’d venture to say he hates it. And he hates that I play it.
He does like Apex however. And for the past 2 weeks he’s been pestering me about how “Fortnite is dead, Apex is better” and that I “should stop playing.” I’ve tried it. I think it’s an okay game, not my thing. I’ve said this to him multiple times, but never called it bad. But today he got on my last nerve.
He came over and said “Why would you wanna play Fortnite when Apex is on the computers?” I told him (again) that I enjoy Fortnite more. But then my frustration got the best of me when I asked him “What’s your issue with Fortnite? Why can’t 2 games be popular and people can enjoy multiple ones?” He looked back at me and gave me a weird look. Then said he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. Which he didn’t, I just don’t like being pestered for the games I play. It’s not even the fact I solely play it either, I’ve played Overwatch and Smash, and even told him I’d try out for Rocket League.
Later my friend says he told some of his class and a fellow teacher that I flipped out of him, when I didn’t. Sure I was frustrated, but I didn’t yell or try to be an asshole back.
TL;DR - I like to play mainly Fortnite and some other games in our Gaming Lab, my Teacher likes to tell me Fortnite is trash and I should quit. Gotta a bit frustrated, and he told some people I flipped out when I didn’t.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
OsdpJTYcyt6tIbq2EkYoTVsqCnJS0sL5
|
b5thzz
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship because they think gay people are the anti-christ",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ending a friendship because they think gay people are the anti-christ?
|
AITA for ending a friendship/connection because I am gay and they secretly think gay people are evil?
I was working on a computer problem for the mother of one of my good friends. She was having issues with her email not sending and was getting the "spinning beach ball" every time she tried to send. Her outbox folder was stuffed with messages and I was clicking through them trying to figure out if there was a huge attachment or other issue causing things no to send.
What I saw instead was a diatribe about how she believed homosexuals are "the spirit of the ANTI-CHRIST" followed by snippets from articles describing how gay people are ruining society and displease god. There were lots of emojis like 🤢🤮 used to describe gay people - including youth - in the media. These were her own words, not a FWD.
Until this point, I never knew that they had negative beliefs about gay people. They had always acted like they love and support me, but finding out her true feelings crushed a part of me that thought we had a different kind of connection for all these years. They weren't exactly like parents to me, but they were an example of people who showed me love and acceptance (or so I thought) during the turbulent years where I lost a lot of family and friends in my conservative hometown.
She always asked about my husband, sent us both silly gifts like singing hats for the holidays, etc. But reading that email left me feeling like I never want to speak to them or see them ever again. I packed up the laptop and sent it back to her without figuring out what the issue is, and sent a note saying I had seen the messages in her outbox and didn't feel I could continue with our friendship. AITA for not being willing to work around her intolerant views?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3uc8DIpwz1Sau38RZkQb32NJ1ehkkcH2
|
ax75cm
|
{
"description": "not wanting to babysit everyday",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to babysit everyday?
|
I'm 20 years old and my little sister is 2. My mum is always sleeping or going out with friends/boyfriend's which means I'm left too look after my sister, who isn't a difficult child, it's just sometimes I'd like to have time for myself. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
DenPg0JJU8egYt0dqjQK4qJ5iaZLbXFp
|
aboz11
| null |
AITA to my boyfriend and/or mom?
|
hi reddit, long post incoming. i'm 20F, my BF is 22M, and my mom is 60F. i am a serial dater that has been either in a relationship or on dating apps like tinder and OKC for pretty much my entire (if brief) adult life.
​
i met my BF on tinder early july 2018. he informed me that he was looking for a relationship, and i told him that i was looking for a long-term FWB or a relationship (if i found the right person). a few weeks later, he asked if i wanted to be exclusive, but i hesitated and told him why i might not be the best person to ask for a relationship - i definitely have my flaws, i'm a busy person, and i'd somewhat-recently gotten out of another relationship. i also warned him that my parents were quite racist (he's black, i'm chinese). he responded that he's dealt with racist parents in the past, and that he still liked me and was willing to face such complications. we decided to date/be exclusive/be official late july, about a month after we met.
​
BF and i are both students at the same college, and were on summer vacation. i was staying at my parents' home and he had signed a lease to an apartment near the college, which was where i was doing my summer internship. some days, i would go over to his place after work to hang out.
​
my mother noticed that i was being evasive about who i was spending time with and accused me of being lesbian, and going out to meet a secret girlfriend. frustrated with her prodding, i told her the truth - i was going out to see my boyfriend, and i had been hesitant to tell her about him because he was black. at the time i told her, my dad was travelling, so he knows i have a boyfriend but not that said boyfriend is black.
​
my parents have many opinions about my love life: mom and dad met in college and they were each others' first boyfriend/girlfriend. they waited until marriage for sex. dad thought 18 was too young to start birth control pills. from a young age, my mom told me that she didn't want me to date black people, indian people, etc etc. at the time, i told her that she was racist, but that it wouldn't be a problem, since i wasn't really interested in non-asians. more recently, i've expanded my horizons. i never foresaw that the race of my partner would be a problem, but now - here we are.
​
my parents have heard me talk about three different boyfriends already, and they've expressed disapproval that i've dated "so many people." i know my parents love me and want the best for me, but i feel uncomfortable talking about personal things, like my love life, with them, especially when they always seem to make these sorts of passive-aggressive comments. so, if they ask direct questions, i answer them directly, but i don't update them every time i start dating someone.
​
my mom has always been critical of who i date, but she seems especially critical of my current BF, asking why i liked him, what his parents did and where he was from, what he's in school for, etc etc. i answered to the best of my ability, and BF said he would be happy to meet her and answer those questions himself, but she blatantly refused to meet him, saying the sooner we broke up, the better. even though we haven't been together for that long, she says that dating means there's a possibility for marriage, which she really wouldn't approve of. although she's very eager for me to give her grandchildren, she REALLY doesn't want black grandbabies (her words).
​
mom says that i'm being selfish/that i didn't stop to think of her. in my opinion: who i date and marry is my business. i understand that she wants me to find a good husband, but i'm not dating this guy specifically to rebel against her, and so far he's been the best boyfriend i have. sure, he doesn't exactly fit her standards (because her standards are impossible: 6 foot, extremely attractive, no mental/physical health conditions or family history thereof, studying advanced degree/good student, does household chores), but all things considered he's pretty close. if he was asian or white, i'm sure mom would love him, or at least be willing to meet him, and that's what i think is so unfair.
​
even when i tell my parents they're racist (my dad has said plenty of racist things before too, so i'm not too eager to tell him that BF is black), they don't care - that's just their worldview, and no scientific study or stories can change their minds. my mom continually lectures me on how people from different backgrounds just won't work out well together, using my recently-married cousin as an example. she says that his mother, my aunt, is stressed out and suffering from various health problems because of her new daughter-in-law and granddaughter (cousin + new wife's baby). this feels like such an unfair comparison - i've been dating this guy for six months, and he's from a different background, but he's a good person and we are happy and comfortable together. in fact, this is the happiest i can remember being since i was 14 (or maybe ever).
​
it feels like everything is coming to a head now because it's around time to be making housing arrangements for the next school year, and BF wants for us to get an apartment together. last semester, we slept over at each other's places quite often, and would cook and clean together. we rarely fight and we enjoy time together, even if we're just studying in the same room. obviously, my mom would detest this - she wants us to break up, not get closer together.
​
it's getting to the point that i \*do\* sometimes think about breaking up with him. he's wonderful and i'd miss him, but i wonder if staying together is worth all the shit my mom (and potentially my dad) will put me through. what if we \*do\* want to get married? will my parents disown me? entirely possible. i wish i didn't have to be thinking about these kinds of things (marriage, children) so early in our relationship, but with all this pressure i'm forced to. i wish that we could keep it simple, but... the longer we stay together, the more it could hurt if we do break up. would it just be better to cut it off now?
​
so here's the question: am i the asshole? for not thinking of my mom, and dating the last kind of person that she would want as a son-in-law? for continuing to date my boyfriend, at the risk of my parents tearing us apart?
​
any advice would be appreciated, and i'll answer any questions to the best of my ability.
​
TLDR: BF of 6 months is black; parents are chinese. dad doesn't know BF is black, but is racist. mom knows BF is black, and adamantly disapproves. AITA for defying my mom/potentially leading on my BF?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
kPbgHX2irdh9jSH3IQ2lx3ja68ppupQg
|
alxwbn
|
{
"description": "\"snitching\" on coworkers",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for "snitching" on coworkers?
|
I work as a forklift operator in a distribution warehouse, and we have protocol for certain things that is pretty important in terms of efficiency. Managers, supervisors, and leads all say to call people out on not following this protocol.
I have many responsibilities, and have full training in all operations that require forklifts. The operation that can be the most frustrating is replenishing pick locations for the jack pickers that are working on mixed orders. This means instead of picking full pallets of one item, they fill a pallet with various items, and I'm responsible for replenishing those pick locations. Some of those locations have two bays, and jack pickers are supposed to pick from one pallet until it's empty so that I can refill the empty location when I don't have orders to fill other locations. They never do this, they will literally take from two pallets until there is a few bundles left in either pallet.
This means when I am "batch filling" I have to spend more time transfering the bundles to the more full pallet, and then remove the empty pallet when it isn't my responsibility. And it sucks for jack pickers too, because eventually an unlucky someone will need what's left in both bays and they will have to take both empty pallets out. Each empty pallet weighs about 30 pounds, and they're hard to manuever, because they're larger than standard pallets. And if someone leaves an empty pallet in a location and I go to replenish it that means I have to drop the pallet on my forks, get the empty pallet out, put the full pallet in the location, and take the empty pallet to the recycling location; and people bitch at me for taking so long, when most of the time I would be able to get things done quicker if they did what thet were supposed to.
So like my superiors encourage, I call them out on it over the radio. I name the location and item number, and whoever picked from that location last gets bitched at.
It makes me feel like an asshole, because I don't want to get anyone in trouble, and I know everyond is just trying to make their numbers, but at the same time they don't seem to realize their not following protocol eventually hurts everyone's numbers, even their own. Then I get to deal with people thinking I'm a dick because I called them out.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b656e9
|
{
"description": "lying to charity",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for lying to charity?
|
Bit of background. I’m a university student in the UK, who doesn’t have any money. The two typically go hand in hand.
I was walking down the highstreet from a food shop, and I was stopped by a young lady. Yeah she was pretty so maybe that contributed to why I stopped, but she also pretty much blocked my path and started speaking to me straight away, despite having headphones in and arms full of shopping.
She stopped me to tell me about a charity that helps families of people who are severely ill, now as a person who comes from a family with a seriously ill member, I can tell you that these charities don’t do as much as they promise.
She was telling me about the charity for about 5-10 minutes and then the sledgehammer came. We both knew it was coming, she asked for a donation. Now I don’t mind giving cash or coins because, for some reason, they don’t really feel like money, you know what I mean? I’ll give a couple coins to the homeless man or put a pound in the charity box, that kind of thing.
But no, she was asking me to set up a direct debit every month. Being a socially awkward male talking to an attractive woman, I buckled and said ok. She started adding my details and had a massive smile on her face and despite all this, every detail I added into the tablet she was holding was false, name, email, phone number. The lot. Then she asked to add my card details, I was gonna lie about those too, until she got the camera out. It was gonna be one of those ones where it scanned the card details. Fuck.
So I did what any sane person would do, I lied about not having my wallet and texted my flatmate to pretend like it was locked in my room. I called, put it on speaker and we performed an Oscar winning performance of ‘the missing wallet’. After that I swiftly walked off ashamed and guilty, but I also felt she was a bit unfairly pushy and trapped me in a corner.
My question is, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
ahjdx8
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my boyfriend for letting somebody in",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my boyfriend for letting somebody in?
|
I (19f) live with my boyfriend (19m) and two other guys (19m). One of these guys (who isn’t my boyfriend) has been rather friendly with one guy in particular. This dude has been walking in without anyone’s permission, staying over for days at a time, and generally having strange behaviours that make me uncomfortable (insisting I take shots when we’re alone, just general creepy vibes).
I try not to have much against this guy, I’m just honestly uncomfortable when he’s around. Given this fact, whenever he’s not “invited” or “allowed” over, I’ve been specifically locking the door because he has a habit of walking in uninvited. Tonight, I locked the door due to this and the only one who stayed up late was my bf.
Around 11:00pm, I was asleep in our room and my bf was downstairs. I was awoken by this dude in my bedroom knocking on the door while I was half naked asking to buy drugs off me. I was incredibly angry as this man makes me super uncomfortable and my bf let him in without letting me know or preventing him from entering our room in any way. I honestly leave the door open when I sleep because I trust our housemates completely, but I have made it super clear that I do not trust this other man nor want him around me, especially in a vulnerable state. I’ve been sexually assaulted in my sleep before so this is particularly sensitive. I got very angry at my bf for letting this man in our house without telling me, as it was entirely his choice and the guys “regular” friend was already asleep. AITA for being mad?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
au7wvd
| null |
AITA in this relationship?
|
I have been in a relationship with someone for just over a year and it's all getting a bit much for me. Half way through I broke up with said person and we had some space apart for a month but eventually sorted it out and got back together.
Part 1: I got with this person a little while after getting out of a manipulative relationship that really hurt me. At first and we started getting closer. Though they kept "joking" about how I don't love them, so I reassured. Over time it felt that they were joking less and less and just wanted me to prove my love for them. They had also gotten out of bad relationship. Eventually it lead to an argument where which I cried. after they said they didn't mean it. Over time they kept saying I didn't love them and would leave them. This was my first serious relationship so I kept reassuring them that I did and wanted to prove my affection because I did really love them. Of course it wasn't all bad as they wrote me handmade cards that were really sweet and gave me an old toy of theirs. They also talked about how they wanted to do as much as we could in life and I respected that and how they managed to get out of a horrible relationship before. While I was on holiday with my family they sent a big block of text saying how I really don't care about our relationship + that I never make time for them. After and talking to my parents I broke up with them, they texted me and attempted to call me after saying that I was abandoning them + that I was just proving their point. I wanted them to be happy + I thought it would be best if we had some space.
Part 2: After time apart I saw then again at my college and thought that I was an asshole for what I had done as all my old feelings started to come back but tenfold. So after a lot of time and effort. Many nights of staying up till 3AM to apologise and wanting to treat them right. We got back together and it was better than any moment in part 1. I thought we would be happy together now. Eventually the jokes about how I don't love them came back and now using me breaking up with them in an unintentional or intentional guilt trip for me to do more for them. On valentines day I made them a paper rose, a poem I wrote, a drawing of their favourite animal and a handmade necklace. I have also stayed up countless times to help them with their fears and worries, their mother who is verbally abusive to them. I have learnt to accept myself, I want them to be happy too but I feel that nothing I do means anything after a day. I know that they are hurt and that's likely the reason for it but I don't like being treated like their X and as someone who doesn't care. Especially when they say I only care about myself and don't even try to see things how they do. Though I'm not with them again because I want to prove a point or I pity them.
However at this point I'm starting to doubt if they even love me and if my feelings are fading too.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b5rra2
|
{
"description": "wanting to go to college out of state",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to go to college out of state
|
AITA for wanting to go to college out of state. Just for some background, my relationship with my parents had always been strained at best and I know that if I go to a college in state they'll have me come home almost every weekend which is the last thing I want.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b81yio
|
{
"description": "wanting my parents to give me more money for my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 352
}
|
AITA for wanting my parents to give me more money for my wedding?
|
I sound like the classic entitled millennial, but hear me out! My parents have agreed to contribute $5k towards my wedding (I'm the bride). I had suggested $10K and want to ask them again if they would contribute more.
If they didn't have the money it would be a totally different story, but they are choosing not spend money on this because they don't see the the value in it. For them, if it's not a tangible thing that they can buy, then it's not worth spending the money on. I, on the other hand value experiences over material possessions, so we've always disagreed there. And this is becoming one of those disagreements. For prospective in the last 3-4 years they've built a $40K garage, bought 2 $50k trucks, a $25K camper/rv and a $30k boat. Not to mention a $100k home remodel when they downsized and endless yard projects on their 5 acres in the country. They're both retired, but in this time they've barely been on any kind of vacation. Mostly just to come visit me in the city.
And it's not that they don't support this marriage either. They love my fiance! They just would prefer us to go to the courthouse because that would cost less and they wouldn't be forced to attend an event. They don't like celebrating anything (because it's not a thing) and they don't like large social gatherings.
My fiance and I have been together for 8 years and waited to get married to make sure this was really what we wanted. So it's not like they couldn't see this coming. We also aren't fans of big grandiose displays either. We're trying to keep this wedding conservative cost wise and keep it to $20k total. The Knot says the average wedding costs $34K, so I feel like I'm not being a bridezilla asking for more money to cover an elaborate wedding. I'm just asking for a little more help to pull off a nice event with good food, a few beers and good company. AITA here?
TLDR: AITA for feeling jilted and thinking that $5k is a paltry contribution to my wedding when I know my parents can afford more?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
4Pd81bnGd5bPcXJIHUpgG0Dx6t3XE9Zg
|
ah55i6
|
{
"description": "being made at my fb for looking at his female coworker's nipple piercings",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being made at my fb for looking at his female coworker’s nipple piercings
|
We are in a long distance relationship and he brushed it off as his coworkers trust him not to think he will look in a sexual way, even though I don’t know her. I was mad that he didn’t tell me right when it happened and he said it because we were in a fight at that time. I’m also mad because he said “ Oh cool, that must have hurt” when he saw the piercings rather than tell her it’s inappropriate to show him because he has a gf. He claims it happened too fast. Am I the asshole for being upset about this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
XqfyNjHBEmMcUogf8u3pO4kQBu6adhKV
|
b5f8m0
|
{
"description": "telling my professor off for asking for a copy of my father's death certificate",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA(24F) if I told my professor off for asking for a copy of my father’s death certificate?
|
So I live in Nevada, I don’t know if this changes things.
But anyway, I’m a first year, first generation college student. I try to be as honest with my professors as possible. Fall semester I maintained a 3.8 GPA. I honestly love school. A hiccup in life had me believing I would never attend college and now I am. I don’t want to jeopardize that.
Anyway, my father passed away in January. Even though we weren’t close, it still effects me to an extent. I’ve always struggled with depression, yes, I’m on meds, yes I go to therapy. But because of yet another death in my life, my depression has been insanely bad.
So I’ve been missing school and I have confided in my professors about the recurrent absences. Most of them are pretty decent and understand that a death has happened.
But I have this one professor who legitimately told me I was at the last of my absences and that he would consider taking off a few and helping me out if I brought in a physical copy of my dad’s death certificate.
Which, of course I have, but I am extremely offended. Would I be an asshole if I approached him after giving him the death certificate and told him how unprofessional and immoral that seems? Or is this simply how things work in college and am I being over the top and too sensitive?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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}
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NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
mJGCH1jN8WGHpLl3rVakCDORLPuu6HLV
|
a0g6ut
|
{
"description": "leaving when my gf's brother visits",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving when my gf’s brother visits
|
To start I love my girlfriend, she’s sweet, kind, and a great mother to our child.
Today my girlfriend’s brother brought his family (wife, 2 kids 5 and 1) over to our 2 bedroom apartment with little notification. Just traveling through for the holidays I believe. With her mother coming over of course (she’s over regularly no problems).
About 2 years ago me and her brother had gotten into a argument after I got drunk and went fishing with my brother. I came home and he kicked me out of their moms house who I was staying with at the time. I was also paying bills and doing my part. So we just normally don’t talk to each other and have not a lot in common with him being more religious.
The problem is they come over and my girlfriend says they can sleep on our bed while I sleep on the couch. With her mom, our 2 year old and gf make a pallet on the floor for themselves. This is my first apartment I didn’t see that as fair, but seeing as she’d told them already, I left and went to my brothers apartment. I have never stayed the night at his house so idk if he lets them sleep on his bed or anything.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
lLzdEtBJ1FU5lmkqKVTgr5XGZGlnQ1eh
|
b7sj2v
|
{
"description": "exposing my cheating ex-girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
WIBTA for exposing my cheating ex-girlfriend?
|
Hello everyone, I would ask you a question.
Would I be an asshole for telling the new boyfriend of my ex that she cheated on him with me?
This story happened two years ago, we weren't together when that happen, we were friends with benefits and I’m pretty sure that she started dating him before ending with me. To be honest I'm not completely sure about it but I'm going to confront her about that soon. If it's true, would I be an asshole for telling him the truth?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
t5lgz7V6BhkRo0HzI0nG8vEHO4JnGmfk
|
angu90
|
{
"description": "shouting at my partner for poking my forehead",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for shouting at my partner for poking my forehead?
|
My boyfriend does this annoying thing where he’ll poke my forehead when we’re about to argue or discuss something. It frustrates me more than I’d like to admit, because it feels mean since I’m too short to reach his head back. I think he knows this as well because immediately after poking my forehead he stands up straight. He’s super defensive about it too saying I’m not getting hurt so calm down. But it makes me feel like a kid because of how abrupt it is when he does it. So the most recent occasion we were in an argument and he did it, he poked the middle of my forehead hard and I yelled back “don’t fucking do that anymore!” He rolled his eyes and we argued more. Usually I wouldn’t say something back like that because I’m non-confrontational. I know it’s not a huge deal, I’m not getting hurt and it’s not a hit or kick it’s just a poke.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 15,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CTzT44E1smd22cA4q5I2Wok5XfjNDb28
|
amzggt
|
{
"description": "moving my pet dog while they were asleep on my leg",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for moving my pet dog while they were asleep on my leg
|
Title says enough
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
oQUTc2jihdsUipYpu841Rt9VzdMLz3tE
|
akl4bf
| null |
AITA For how I behaved prior to and during the break-up with my Ex-Girlfriend?
|
This is a long one, tl;dr will be provided.
This actually happened last year, but it has been gnawing at me for some time and I figured posting here might help me put the issue to rest. For context, this occurred at the very beginning of the summer after I graduated high school in June. I had been dating my girlfriend at the time for about 4 months, the first 3 of which were wonderful. However, things started to take a turn for the worse towards the final days of the school year. My Ex has moderate to severe BPD, and this began to cause problems toward the end of the relationship. She told me about it relatively early on, and I made sure to be as supportive as possible. Since I’ve been told by friends that I’m a good listener and someone to count (at least I’d like to think so) I let her know that she could talk to me about anything if she felt the need. Although she was rather closed off at first, she rather quickly began to “vent” to me on a regular basis. These instances became more and more frequent and progressively got darker as time went on, and I honestly became less sympathetic. She would put down her friends and others close to her for what I would consider mild inconveniences, often exclaiming that “They know what they’re doing, if they don’t support me or ask me how I’m feeling if I look upset than how are they real friends?” I’m very much a person that likes to cut people slack. A few minutes late? No problem. Didn’t talk to me for very long at a party? All good, lots of people you need to attend to. But it seemed to me that she took these kinds of things as an affront, as if there were a setlist of requirements to being in her personal circle. Not only did this attitude seem to alienate her friends, but it also started to alienate me.
By the last two weeks, I was rather drained and honestly waiting for a good time to have a serious conversation about our relationship. Everything culminated the night before we broke up. We were at her best friends graduation party with a shitload of mutual friends. I drove her there and spent the majority of the first few hours with her and some of the other couples. After some time and a few beers, I began to wander around and talk to people who went to our school who I had never gotten around to meeting before. Honestly, I was having a blast, and assumed she was with her friends feeling the same. When I returned about 30 min later she was gone, so I went to look for her and found her alone in a quiet portion of the house. She was rather distraught and didn’t tell me why, despite my asking. I quickly became fed up and told her I was going back to the party and she could join me if she wanted to which she declined. After drinking much more as the night went on, I caught back up with her when it was time for bed. In the middle of the night I drunkenly woke up to her hysterically crying next to me. When I asked what was wrong she said she knew I didn’t love her and that I was considering how she felt at all. I was kind of taken aback at first, but so drunk that I just told her we should talk about it in the morning. The next day I told her rather frankly that I thought she was an unessecarily negative person and that, as hard a burden as it is, mental illness is no excuse to treat people the way she had been.
I told her that she wasn’t being rational and she should seriously consider seeing a therapist about these emotions and that it could be seriously beneficial to he mental health. After some heated arguing I told her that it would be best to break up under the current circumstances and so we did. Last I heard she continues to maintain that I’m an emotionless rock who couldn’t understand her point of view, and sometimes I find myself believing her. Maybe I could have handled it better? Let me have it.
Tl;dr Ex has serious emotional problems and negative habits that made me break up with her, she has said that I just couldn’t see her side and wasn’t supportive enough and too “cold and objective”
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b8f5yc
|
{
"description": "not telling my friend we have the ACT test tomorrow",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
WIBTA for not telling my friend we have the ACT test tomorrow?
|
So like the title says we have the ACT test tomorrow. My friend has been skipping school a lot. A LOT. And I've kept having to remind him of important things that hes unaware of because hes never at school. He comes to school maybe once a week. You might be wondering why hes skipping. Well, he met some girl on discord and now theyre "dating" I guess. And now all he does is talk to this girl he met 3 months ago all day everyday. He never leaves the house and he usually never responds to me on discord anymore because hes busy talking to her. We just got back from spring break yesterday and before it started he asked me "next week is spring break right?"
"Yeah."
"I think Ill just skip the rest of this week and then start coming back after the break
But guess who didnt come back after the break? Im so fuckin done with this kid. I care anymore. He can just fail high school if this online gf means that much to him
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HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "going out without my girlfriend for a bit",
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|
WIBTA if I went out without my girlfriend for a bit
|
My girlfriend and I are both studying abroad right now, but in different countries. She got very sick last week and was in the hospital for a few days. Her parents paid for me to go help her because they couldn't afford to come themselves. She's back in her apartment now but needs help with pretty much everything when she's awake, like walking to the bathroom, showering etc, and I'm also cleaning the apartment and keeping it stocked with food and such. I'm not saying I deserve anything for this, I'm just kind of exhausted and cooped up. That said, I understand that she's feeling much worse than I am right now.
Her program is through our college, so I know most of the people on it, and they've invited me out to dinner and such a few times, but I haven't even brought it up to my girlfriend because I don't want to make her feel guilty. That said, I'd really like to get out a bit. I wouldn't go out all day or all night, but just for a few hours. I also don't have service in this country, so I wouldn't be available by phone. Her parents also didn't buy my ticket so I could go site seeing, they did it so I could support her. I'm pretty conflicted about it-- would I be an asshole if I proposed this to her?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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b2ron9
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{
"description": "not knowing what the term celebration of life means",
"pronormative_score": 10,
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|
AITA for not knowing what the term celebration of life means?
|
So I've never heard this term before. To me it sounds like celebrating new life. To make the post short I was with a customer on the phone at work and they said they were coming to my city for a celebration of life so me being a fucking idiot said "oh congratulations!" Being the immediate response as I posted above for my understanding of the term to which the customer said it's for my sons funeral. I was hit with the reality brick so fucking hard I saw stars. I apologized profusely and stated I never knew the term to which he said it's fine but I know he felt mad/uncomfortable to which he has every right to be. I finished the call and again apologized for my confusing and rudeness and that was it.
Right now I feel more then like an asshole. I'm wondering has this ever happened to anyone or something similar?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not being down with my roommate's houseguests",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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|
AITA for not being down with my roommate's houseguests?
|
My roommate texts us last night, asking if two friends can crash at our place last minute. On a long road trip, their plans in our city fell through, and they were scrambling for sleeping arrangements. Our city is about 2 hours from their final destination, so I figure they're rolling up pretty late, sleeping, and moving on.
I'm an accommodating roommate, and I understand this is very reasonable. I know what it's like to drive tired; it's not safe. I work from home, so it's not ideal that two people are taking over my living room in the morning, but whatever.
Cue 6 pm; two girls roll in my house with my roommate nowhere to be found. They're having a grand old time downstairs drinking, putting their stuff everywhere, taking selfies and FaceTiming people, all while I'm trying to alternate between work and schoolwork in my room. I head downstairs to quickly talk to them, and I just see stuff absolutely everywhere, vodka bottles, and receive a comment about how strange my cat's name is (oh, but no "thank you"). It rubbed me the wrong way
While the girls treat the living room/common area as their own private Air BnB for several hours, I start to get annoyed. My roommate is absolutely nowhere to be found. This isn't really what I agreed to. Furthermore, I now don't feel comfortable leaving my house to go to the gym with two complete strangers being alone in it. We live in a city, I'm a little jaded, sure; but I'm just not down with that. Lastly, it was the one night I typically have the house to myself to cook, watch a movie, and decompress after work/school. Again, I realize this is a bias as it affects me personally the most, but I still think my annoyance remains justified.
I text my roommate that I really prefer he is here in the future for houseguests, last-minute or not. Or otherwise, they need to occupy themselves and keep themselves busy until he is here. He came back defensive of the girls, how tough the situation was and that he was being a good friend, etc. and that they are simply dropping off their stuff and leaving. I told him that they have been here for hours without him, drinking and smoking, and that now they are headed out to a night on the town. My roommate doesn't seem overly happy.
**TL;DR: I want to respect my roommate, but I can't help but feel that his houseguest didn't need a place to sleep; they needed an intermittent stop to party, because they were bored. Their destination is only 2 hours away. AITA?**
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not telling my s/o about my depression",
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}
|
WIBTA for not telling my s/o about my depression?
|
Lately I have been feeling very depressed and I have been having some health complications as well. As bad as it sounds I try my best to not show how I feel to others so I don't believe my s/o has noticed, but I want to speak with a therapist/mental health specialist about how I am feeling but I'm worried that it wouldn't be fair to my s/o to have a depressed girlfriend as it's only been recently that I've been feeling this way. Thank you for reading/any input!
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "confessing to my childhood best friend that I love her",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for confessing to my childhood best friend that I love her?
|
I(26M) have been in love with my childhood best friend (26F) for at least half a decade now. We were inseparable.
She is intelligent, witty and breathtakingly beautiful. I sort of made a promise to be just friends with her in high school since everyone was just hitting on her and very few geniunely cared about her feelings. We were super close friends. Shared every little thing with each other and got accepted to the same college for undergrad.
I got the opportunity to go study MBA at my dream school abroad, so I honestly just went for it. I was super busy during this point in time and she was doing her own thing too...so we unfortunately drifted apart. I knew then that I missed her dearly and had deep romantic feelings for her.
I did receive a lot of offers, but I didn't go on any dates during this span of time. It's not something I am proudly saying or anything, I just geniunely wanted to have a future with her.
Last last month, I finally got to meet her after finishing my degree. I took her to the beach, made her favorite food for her and just talked about how I was attracted to her romantically and would be grateful if she considered ever going out with me. I also said I was fine if we were friends too, I could handle it. Obviously it would sting but in the end just having her in my life meant a lot.
She didn't say anything at first, but then shouted at me saying I had betrayed her trust and broken up her promise.
She said it wouldn't work out and ghosted me.
I honestly just...don't even remember the past month at all. I feel half dead. I blame myself for ruining something and feel like an idiot. I didn't know so much would have changed when I came back after doing my degree.
When I barely started doing something productive yesterday, her girl friend hit me up on Instagram.
she told me that I had turned out like the person I swore to never be for her, sent me this paragraph long message of how I was just really toxic and obsessive.
I feel really down again. I don't want you guys to go easy on me or anything, I just want the truth.
Your perspective would mean a lot.
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HISTORICAL
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avy3ke
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"description": "being offended when asked to put away dishes",
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|
AITA for being offended when asked to put away dishes? (Petty)
|
Warning: This is completely petty and unimportant. Anyway:
​
I live at home and I'm in my first year of college.
​
So I made dinner for my mom and sister last night because my mom loves when I cook. It was a somewhat time-consuming dish and I made a decent mess. I cleaned everything up right away afterwards, no one offered to help me clean and I didn't expect them to, no problemo.
​
I left one pan and one tray (cleaned) out to dry and forgot about them.
​
Today, we're sitting around the table and my mom asks me if the tray and pan are mine, as in did I use them and leave them out.
​
I actually forgot that I did use them, she reminds me about me making dinner and I realize I did leave them out to dry after cleaning them.
​
I say I'm a bit surprised that she waited to tell me to put them away instead of just putting them away herself, considering the fact I spent a decent amount of time cooking dinner for her using them.
​
She says that it doesn't matter that I made dinner for everyone and that I need to "clean up after myself". I say that's fine, but if I was her I wouldn't be so hesitant to put away 2 dishes after someone cooked dinner for me and cleaned everything else up. In fact, about 10 seconds before this conversation I put away a pot my sister had used to make tea.
​
So I put the 2 dishes away of course, but tbh I'm kind of offended that she wouldn't just put the 2 dishes away and instead waited all day to ask me to do it lol? Especially after I made a recipe she wanted and cleaned everything up, just seems like she didn't appreciate it at all I guess!
​
AITA for being offended over this? Should I have just apologized for forgetting and put the dishes away without any comments?
|
HISTORICAL
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b853z5
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{
"description": "speaking out against my mother's recent engagement",
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|
WIBTA if I spoke out against my mother’s recent engagement?
|
Sorry if this seems badly thought out or rushed I don’t have much rime and this is really bugging me.
About 1 year ago my mom starting dating this guy, he’s pretty cool and I like him not gonna lie. But at the time my parents were separated and about to get divorced, it wasn’t until 4 months afterword that everything was finalized. During that period my mom often told my dad that she loved him and I know she really wanted them to get back together so it was kind of weird to find out she had a boyfriend.
My mom moved in with her boyfriend three months into their relationship and they started saying “I love you” shortly after that.
We thought everything was fine and my mom had moved on for a while, but it turns out she was actually Facebook stalking my dad using her sister’s account. It was Christmas and she was drunk so when confronted she started crying about how she still loved my father and he just blocked her out of his life (long story).
Now 4 months later my mom is engaged.
I know that a lot of things can change in 4 months but my parents were together for 30 years, I don’t think my mom there is completely over it and I don’t blame her. I want my mom to be happy and I want her to be with someone who cares about her, which is her boyfriend 100%, but I don’t believe they’re ready for marriage.
It’s not fair to her fiancee if she’s still in love with another man and I don’t think they should bring in the legalities of marriage quite yet.
WIBTA?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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9z20y6
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{
"description": "taking back a fortnight character someone elce spent money on",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for taking back a fortnight character someone elce spent money on?
|
I'm on mobile so formatting is going to be off.
Not really me but my boyfriend had a fortnight account and literally played it for a week before he decided he didn't like the game and was only playing it to play with a freind. He hadn't spent any money on the game at all.
Yesterday he noticed that he had a few emails saying "thank you for your purchase" and decided to investigate coz he thought some kid was using his email. He installs fortnight again and finds out not only has someone hacked his account they had spent over £50 on the account!
He decided to change the passwords on both his email and the fortnight account so they can't access it and now I'm thinking "why would someone hack an account with nothing on it and actually spend money on it?" and "are we assholes for taking back this account that some kid has spent money on?"
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HISTORICAL
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b41lx0
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{
"description": "swiping right on everyone on tinder",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for swiping right on everyone on tinder?
|
The only reason I post asking for judgement is because my friend recently said it was a "dick move" that I swipe right on everyone even if I have no interest in talking to some of them just so I get all my matches. I still dont think it's even that bad, but now I'm second guessing myself.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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b5aeqj
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{
"description": "taking a basketball away from a child",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for taking a basketball away from a child?
|
I'm 18 years old and would consider myself a very active person. This year my friends and I have been playing outdoors more than usual and have grown a love for playing driveway basketball. I personally bought two $25 dollar basketballs for me to play with and take to college with me in the fall. My little cousin who is only 9 noticed I play basketball a lot now (she is my neighbor and sees me outside) and has asked many times to play. When I am available I play with her and sometimes when I have to leave I let her play in my driveway and shoot on my hoop and I let her take the balls inside to her house. I noticed one of my balls (the better ball) was missing and later that day when she came over to play I saw she had written her name on it in sharpie. I contacted my uncle just to say along the lines of "hey *blank* took my ball and wrote her name on it, it's not the end of the world but I just need to make sure I can get it back" but my uncle told me that he already said that she could have it. I don't think it should be his call because as I said I'm 18 and am saving for college so the $25 ball that I am about to lose is kind of a lot for me. It isn't like my father bought me the ball, the ball is mine. I told my cousin she could have one of my old balls that I have had since I was her age but she refused to take it and insisted she kept the best ball I have. My uncle does a lot of favors for my family such as spotting us money and helping us pay our bills when we have a tight month and I feel like an asshole for not just letting his kid have my ball. AITA???
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HISTORICAL
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abqrx9
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{
"description": "asking my roommate to stop touching my dog's waterbowl",
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|
AITA for asking my roommate to stop touching my dog's waterbowl?
|
TL;DR at end... For everyone else, i.e., the masochists, I present the wall:
Okay so my friend bought a house in another city about 4 years ago and needed a roommate. I moved in and things were going great. Over time, he started spending more time at his GF's place, and eventually moved in with her, leaving me alone in his 3 bedroom house. I work from home and had yet to make any new friends in the new town so I was getting very little social interaction. Needless to say, I started to get pretty lonely.
I asked my friend if he minded if I got a dog. He very kindly agreed and so I browsed the local shelters online and eventually came across a 6 year old Cane Corso in a shelter about 2.5 hours away. I made the drive, met the pooch, and he instantly claimed me as his new owner. Fast forward about a year and things are once again going great. My dog has a few issues, particularly with separation anxiety, but for the most part, he's a great little compadre.
One day, I'm speaking with my friend and he says he'd like to rent out one of the other rooms in the house to a new coworker of his. My friend obviously doesn't need my permission so I appreciate that he event asks me if I mind. I have no reason to object. I've had roommates before and for the most part things went well. So it's settled that the new guy would move in.
This is the beginning of the end of my sanity.
Initially, as with most new acquaintances, things are cordial and harmonious. But it wasn't too horribly long before the facade began to evaporate. It became apparent that the new guy, who we'll call Fuckhead, has a pretty shitty attitude about everything. He is witty, but very negative. At best, anything coming out of his mouth is a backhanded compliment. More often than not though, it's just negative comments and put downs. For example, one day I had washed and was waxing my truck. My truck and I have a lot of history and it is very important to me. He was walking back from somewhere and in passing said with a sneer "Talk about putting lipstick on a pig" and then went inside. Why? What purpose is there in saying something like that?
On top of being an asshole, he is a slob. The house was pretty much immaculate before he moved in. I wanted my friend to be happy with me as his tenant so I made sure to keep the house shipshape both inside and out. After Fuckhead moved in though, everything went to shit. He leaves all his crap everywhere. There's no room on the table to eat, no room on the counters to prepare food, the fridge has become a swamp full of his rotting leftovers and all the floors are constantly covered in the mud he tracks in every day. He has been here 3 years now and has almost never vacuumed, swept, mopped or done any yard work. I tried asking him to help with cleaning the bathrooms once. His response? "I don't do that". It eventually came to light that he somehow arrived at the idea that I am the housemaid.
One time he had his equally deplorable girlfriend over. They had made a meal, and a mess in the kitchen. I was sitting in the living room and his gf started to put dishes in the sink. He stopped her and said "Stop babe, u/babyProgrammer will do it. He likes to clean" easily loud enough for me to hear. I damn near lost my fucking mind. I naturally blew my stack and yelled quite a bit. The only lasting impact this had though was that his abuses have just become more subtle.
Living with Fuckhead is like dying the death of a thousand cuts. No one offense is enough to be deemed "over the line", but every day he his wearing me down with his slights against me. I've asked my friend to help but to my disappointment he's been very hands off. He knows that Fuckhead is a shite worker and isn't at all surprised that things are equally bad at home. I can see that my friend is in a tough situation. I know that he abhors Fuckhead as much as I do, but he needs the rent money, and it would be pretty damn awkward on the job if he had to work alongside the ex-tenant he kicked out of his house. The final dingleberry on top of this human piece of garbage is that he is mean to my dog but I'm not going to elaborate on that because I will get too angry to type.
Fast-forward to this evening. Fuckhead has had his 16 year old daughter visiting for the holidays. Lets just say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. They've been making a royal mess since she arrived a week and a half ago. This evening, I had returned from going out to dinner with my neighbors and went to give my dog dinner. As of late, Fuckhead has been moving my dog's water bowl from its normal place in the kitchen to the backyard. I've brought it back in a couple times now so at this point it's obvious he's passive aggressively communicating that he wants the bowl outside. Fuckhead and his daughter are watching TV in the living room and their mess is still all over the kitchen and dining area. After I give my dog dinner, I very politely ask him to stop moving the water bowl outside. He asks why. I don't feel I need to give a reason, but instead of saying so and embarrassing him in front of his daughter I offer that it's easier to keep track on whether the water bowl is empty. End of conversation, I go up stairs. Fifteen minutes later, I get this text message from Fuckhead:
"Hey dickhead find a different place for your dogs water bowl. 1. You have never washed it! 2. Your dog immediately slobbers after drinking. Floor, couch, and legs. 3. The sound is fucking annoying! All this because you can't remember to check his fucking water?! You're a simpleton u/babyProgrammer! One more thing don't EVER raise your voice at me in front of my daughter."
I was pretty blindsided by this message. I thought I had very nicely asked Fuckhead to stop touching my dog's water bowl. On top of that, I have been pretty damn nice about putting up with his daughter staying here. With the current living situation, I use the master bathroom. Fuckhead's daughter has been staying in the master bedroom meaning that I can't access my bathroom while she's in there. She's in there half the day and doesn't get out of bed till 10:30 at the very earliest. She's also been doing a number the bathroom. Anyway, I was fuming and responded with this:
"You're dumb. I don't need to give you a reason to ask you to stop touching [my dog's] water bowl. That was just a courtesy to prevent embarrassing you in front of your daughter. I don't know why you're so concerned with the water bowl when the tables, counters, and fridge are all completely dominated by your shit. Don't believe me? Go look right now. The counters and table have been covered the last week with your puzzles and cooking shit. I haven't said anything about any of it because your daughter is in town and I know this time is important to you. You are a hypocrite and a slob. Fuck you. I didn't raise my voice, but I'll go there if that's what you want you fucking retard. Also, tell your daughter to stop pissing on my toilet seat."
It's a very frustrating situation, and this is absolutely not how I wanted to start the new year out. I'm generally a pretty passive and peaceful person but I can only be walked all over so much. I know an argument always has more than one side, but in your opinion, AITA in this situation?
TL;DR:
Slobby asshole of a roommate regularly leaves his junk and trash all over the house, to the point where spaces such as kitchen table are unusable. Lately one of the passive aggressive moves he's been making is to repeatedly move my dog's water bowl from the kitchen to the backyard. My dog and I have been living here since long before he moved in and nothing has ever changed about where his food/water bowls go. I politely confront him about him moving it and he later sends a nasty text message to me. I think he is being a hypocrite and hit him back with a venomous response. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b2b1by
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{
"description": "telling an employee at chuck e cheese not to ask my kid if he wants to buy ice cream",
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|
AITA for telling an employee at chuck e cheese not to ask my kid if he wants to buy ice cream
|
So Chuck e cheese is now sending employees to walk around and sell cotton candy and ice cream. A young employee approached my table and asked me if I wanted to buy ice cream. I said no thanks and she turned to the kid I was watching and said are you sure you don't want ice cream? I did not let kid answer, and said nope. 3 minutes later we are walking around and the same employee asked my kid the same thing. He is a great kid and did not complain about no ice cream but I said, "could you please not ask my kid if he wants to buy something, he is six and does not have money. " I said it in a polite-ish but pretty snarky way. I know the employee is a kid herself and was doing what her boss instructed, so I felt like a pretty big asshole for being rude, but I also find it rude as shit to ask a kid a question that is not theirs to answer. (I feel the same way when a waiter asks a kid if they want desert btw but have never complained). I know the complaint would be better directed at management but I don't plan to do that because it's not worth the effort. So aita?
|
HISTORICAL
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b51lru
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{
"description": "breaking up with MY GIRLFRIEND",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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|
AITA FOR BREAKING UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND
|
so first things first my girlfriend and I were in a relationship for 3 years March 1st. Lets call her Bri. We tried taking a break a few weeks ago but in the end we decided to end things. One thing she was worried about was this girl from my past. We will call her Lea. Lea and I were really good friends and quite frankly I was really really into Lea back then, but she ended up moving away about 4 years ago. Lea recently moved back in town and things went wrong fast. My Gf (now ex) said one night I said her name in my sleep and she has been sulky ever since. I told her Lea was not a problem and at the time she really wasn't. I explained that we were old friends and I even kept Lea at arms length to help reassure my Bri. Bri and I have try to keep things civil and remain friends but she has been aggressive and really snotty to me recently amongst our friends and in behind closed doors. I have ultimately decided that our relationship can no longer last in any form including friends. Since Bri and I broke up and we are not really friends I have been hanging out with Lea a lot as of late. All my old feelings for her are flooding back in. In the back of my mine they have been there since she came back. Now I really want to try things with Lea. I didn't cheat and for the most part have been truthful and honest but I can't help but feel as if I am still in the wrong.
​
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TLDR; AITA for wanting to pursue the girl I told my ex-gf not to worry about?
​
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "telling my gf the friend zone isn't offensive",
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|
AITA for telling my gf the friend zone isn’t offensive?
|
I made a joke about Jorah Mormont being “Ser Friendzone” and now my gf is angry at me because she finds the term friendzone offensive because she’s “put people there”. My point is that the only people who take offence to the term are people who expect to get laid for being nice and I’m only making fun of them, or people who feel guilty about being nice to someone and not sleeping with them. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "inadvertently causing my fiancee to call security on a hapless family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for inadvertently causing my fiancee to call security on a hapless family?
|
So my partner and I are currently on a getaway with our close friend for a few days. We went out to a yachting club for dinner and picked a seat right out on the water. We had ordered our food and while my fiancee went to the toilet our buzzer rang for our meals. My mate and I left the table to grab our food, and left all our drinks there for our 30 second round trip. A nearly full beer, a nearly full spirit and a half full can of Coke (it's the close friend's turn to deso tonight).
During our short absence, a family had come over and taken our chairs and put a half cigarette I had left on the table into the can. We came back and I, slightly annoyed, had a yarn with the father, who had assumed we were done with the table and put the Butt into the drink and distributed the chairs. He apologised profusely when he realised what he did and I was all g with it-silly mistakes happen.
I went to get my mate another coke and on the way in bumped into my partner on her way back to the toilet. I told her what happened, with not much in the way of a tone to tell her whether or not it was still an issue and already resolved- while I was at the bar I saw her come back in and talk to a staff member while pointing outside. I came back with the coke and she told me "I've called security on them, I'm not standing for that." I go "what? Why would you do that, it was an honest mistake. They probably should have seen the mostly full drinks and thought maybe it was still occupied but they apologised when they realised we were still using the table it's all good." she rebutted with "well you're gonna have to tell the security guard when he comes out" which I did. Crisis averted.
She told me on our way out that I should have clarified to her that it was sorted, to which my response was asking her why she was so quick to go and get security on people who made an honest mistake without at least finding out if that was required. If I hadn't seen the guard and stopped him he would have kicked out or reprimanded a family who had just mistakenly assumed that we were done there. She got quite angry at my logic and I ended up apologising.
My question is was I in the right or was she? The topic is already resolved, but I believe she shouldn't have been so quick to grab security without finding out more, especially since she wasn't there and was just working off of what little she had been told when I walked past her. I didn't give her a lot of information to begin with and my mate was with her while I was getting his drink so it would have been easy to clarify with him. She believes I should have told her everything to begin with, which I kind of agree with too but I didn't see a need to go comprehensive as the situation had already been resolved.
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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AITA for knocking over a girl's smoothie in front of the whole class and not apologizing?
|
So my class at the time was an auditorium-like setup in the way that there were rows of seats instead of desks. With that in mind, one must be aware that if you're going to sit at the very edge of these rows, people are going to have to pass by the very narrow and inconvenient path you just made in order to get to their seat. Anyway, I got to class a little before it started so there was still plenty of seating available, yet this girl still chose to sit at the very edge of the row I typically sit in the middle of. She was digging through her backpack when I got her attention and asked if I could pass through, which was apparently a huge inconvenience to her as she sighed when she got up. Unbeknownst to me, she left her smoothie on the very skinny railing between the seats which my backpack doinked off and spilled all over the floor. Her over-dramatic reaction and refusal to even acknowledge me frustrated me in turn so I shrugged instead of apologizing. However, I did help clean it up. Once her other friends got there, she whispered to them while eyeing me and they all got up and moved, making me feel like some sort of social moron. Am I in the wrong here? It was a simple mistake and I didn't think I deserved the public shaming that I got. Plus the room smelled like strawberries afterwards. They're welcome.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "asking space from a best friend so I don't become miserable over her achievements",
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|
AITA for asking space from a best friend so I don't become miserable over her achievements?
|
A little back story. I (25F) was in a toxic relationship and i barely had any energy to deal with people. I had started ignoring my best friend’s (25F) calls. Just so you know, i had been lagging off completely in life (Unemployed) whereas my friend, after a few failed attempts, finally made it so it was a pretty big deal. Now it was an exciting period of her life and in the beginning i was all ears. I used to be eager to listen to her stories.
Then after things started going downhill for me, i finally told her that i need some time because i am scared i will become miserable and wont be able to be happy at other people’s achievements.
I realise i was absolutely wrong and thats not how it works, hell i didnt even need to tell her such an elaborate version, i could have stopped a few sentences short. i also told her ‘it’s got nothing to do with my relationship with (now)exbf’
Anyway she was confused and hurt and didn’t expect me to become like that. Then, tbh i really didn’t understand where i went wrong so i didnt feel apologetic either. She said she appreciates my honesty but she never thought it would come to this between us.
A few days later, we spoke and i apologised. I opened up about my relationship (i had just broken up here) told her the details, i was crying and telling her about how i have changed since 2 years and i dont recognise myself anymore. In all honesty, i wasnt thinking about my actions towards her. And she goes ‘yea i agree, i hate to bring this up rn but what you said that day was so out of line for you, i dont feel the same way about our friendship anymore’ she also said something like ‘dont cry now, we will have to become ok if you cry now’ and i was honestly stunned and obviously couldnt cry even if i wanted to.
Anyway i told her ‘i cant blame everything on my toxic relationship, i realise i went wrong and i can only apologise at this point’
She is also probably mad at me for taking so long to let go off this guy. Another thing that amused me was she going ‘you call exbf like crazy when things go south but you can’t do that for me’ which felt like another jab at this point.
It’s been a month now and we have tried to get to each other but the timing always seems off (long distance). I messaged her asking if i really screwed everything up and she replied saying no and that she will get back to me but we never really actually spoke. She could be busy but idk its not like her to not remove 5-10 minutes for a talk.
am i the asshole?
Tl;dr: messaged asking best friend for space till i deal with my shit so i dont become miserable over her achievements.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "wanting to tell this girls boyfriend that's she's cheated on him",
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|
AITA for wanting to tell this girls boyfriend that’s she’s cheated on him?
|
So I met this girl and her boyfriend few weeks ago. Me and this girl became super close and we shared a lot. She told me she liked me back after we’d cuddle a lot and I told her, we also ended up having sex. She’s told me she kissed a guy before me and told her boyfriend that it was just physical so she’s cheated before.
Now, she hates me because she accused me of sexually assaulting her bestfriend because we were all drunk and for a few minutes I slept next to her and her friend cuz they were passed out in my bed. This girl was vomiting the whole party so I was helping her but anyways I posted about that if you want the full story. So her and these other two girls in my club hate my guts, I lost my best friend and honestly she even told me she won’t break up with her boyfriend because she loves him and it’s just a rough part of their relationship.
I feel bad tho for her boyfriend because he loves her and I know she’s going to keep cheating. Even tho I fucked his girlfriend I still don’t hate the guy, she wanted me to block him for some reason because she wants to protect him from me???
Even though this guy could probably kick my ass LOL so I “blocked” his Snapchat so she could see then unblocked him. Anyways, idk should I tell her boyfriend or not? They’re long distance so chances are she won’t ever get caught, even her bestfriend who doesn’t like her boyfriend hasn’t told her boyfriend she’s cheated. She told me not to tell anyone because she wants to trust me and she wants her BF to gain her trust back and she regrets it. But I don’t buy it, you can’t cheat on your boyfriend twice within two months then say you just want him to trust you. He shouldn’t trust her, I love her but I’d never date her for this reason.
Also, I know this is AITA so I want to clarify AITA for wanting to tell, I’m thinking I should. I already know I’m a dick for sleeping with another dudes girlfriend but when someone says they like you back you kinda think they may break up with their current partner. But I was dumb and horny.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "hating my friend's relationship",
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"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for hating my friend's relationship
|
So B is in a relationship with D. She's 18 and hes 21, they met when B and I went to the trampoline park where he works. At first everything was great, but now she's become really obsessive over him, and even pays his rent cause he somehow cant afford £300 a month rent, when he earns about £1000 a month.
She's also really changed how she behaves, and refuses to listen when me and our other friend tell her. She pretty much ignores us, which I understand when she's with him, but when she's in his flat and he's at work, she "can't" reply cause shes tidying his house (which i think is weird she doesnt live there). He's also downright rude to me; i tried to be friends with him cause that would be nice. At first he would talk to me and we get on in person, he asked to be friends ffs, but now he wont reply to any of my messages, and when my husband and i invited them both to hang out, they said yes then the boyfriend went 'to get coffee' and didnt come back. this resulted in B stressing over where he was (she knew, he was in tim hortons) and ignoring me the whole time. even when i was trying to help shed just grunt and turn away.
I've tried to tell her the issues, but she just says 'its because you dont know him' or 'no thats not true' even though she asked me to tell her if anything was wrong.
I don't know if I'm just overreacting, or if she's being a dick.
So, am i the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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| null |
AITA? Cancer and a middle school edgelord
|
I've been thinking about this off and on for awhile back in 7th grade both my Grandpa, and a Mother of one of my classmates had developed the same type of cancer, they were both actively dying of it at this point as well. One of our teachers was really adamant about people going over to the classmates house, and bringing her food And treating her nicely as possible. She went on like this for awhile and was really the only teacher pushing like this. I started feeling resentment towards the teacher because, I was like shouldn't we just leave her alone?
Would she really benefit from having random people at her house? The resentment towards the teacher turned into resentment towards the whole thing. I was asking myself why no one cared about my Grandpa, and I remember the teacher talking to me personally about how much the classmate was going through and I should put myself in her shoes. I never said or did anything insensitive to classmate. I think I complained about the situation to my mom? I don't remember I just remember not going out of my way to talk to the girl who I didn't talk to in the first place.
I know now that losing a Mother is worse than losing a Grandparent and I knew that at the time too, and honestly I didn't talk to anyone about my Grandpa so how would anyone would have known?
TLDR: I was wondering if the teacher was an asshole for hyperfocusing on the subject or was I the asshole for not doing more for a classmate?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "excluding my depressed friend",
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"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for excluding my depressed friend
|
The title sounds awful, I know, but here’s the background.
My group of friends has been together since high school and a few of us since middle school. We’re pretty closely knit, but I personally tend to be on the outside of the group. One girl, Z, recently has been struggling with depression. I won’t pretend to understand it because I’ve never had depression. She would come to group hangouts and bitch and moan and just kinda be a downer on the whole group. Later she wouldn’t respond to invites or would show up late to stuff, often barely participating. I used to speak to Z quite a bit but we were never really close.
After all this I had a small party for my birthday and I didn’t invite her because I didn’t want her to show up just to complain about the store bought cake or whatever.
I’ve been told this was a dick move by the other friends because the depression isn’t under her control, but I think it’s fine because she should still be able to control how she acts.
She has seen a therapist and we try to respect her as much as possible
AITA
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not inviting my parents to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I didn't invite my parents to my wedding?
|
Hi there! Here's some context: my parents and I always had a strange relationship (we didn't communicate much) but since I started my relationship with my boyfriend they started to get angry at me and basically they were causing so much unnecessary drama. This boy that I'm with is everything I ever wished for, he really treats me like I'm his princess and never gave me a reason to question his love. All his relatives accepted me fron the beginning, they made him bring me at all the gatherings and I really feel good when I'm around them. My parents are not accepting my relationship with him and we would like to get married in the near future ( 2-3 years). To be honest, I don't want them there because they would find a way to ruin our day. So, WIBTA if I didn't invite them?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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"description": "snapping at my friend for calling my major and life easy",
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|
AITA for snapping at my friend for calling my major and life easy
|
I have this friend, we went to the same high school and happened to attend the same university. She was a few years ahead of me and we became friends again once I got to college. She graduated in 2017 with a fine arts degree and since then we mostly talk on Instagram.
I graduated last month and she saw my graduation pictures and congratulated me. She asked to catch up and we met for lunch. We made small talk and she asked me about my plans after college.
I told her that I was a nurse and had found a job. I thought she would say congrats and that would be it. But no, she complained about how hard it was her to find a job after college. she went on about how lucky I was to have it so easy, to be able to find a job after graduation.
I didn't like where the conversation was heading and I tried to change the topic, but she wouldn't let it go and she went on about how she only makes like 25k a year. And she has 2 Jobs (selling her art on Instagram and waitressing). She talked about her financial trouble, I didn't know what she wanted me to say and I felt awkward. The thing that annoyed me was that she kept on talking about how easy my life was.
I snapped and made a snide comment about how easy she had it in college with her fun major. Of course she got offended, a fight happened and we both left. I reached out to her to try to clear the air, turns out she blocked me. So over 6 years of friendship has been flushed down the drain.
The reason I got so mad was that my college career had not been "easy" at all and she knows that; I'm the first one in my family to have a college degree. I literally paid for every single thing with either scholarship or loans. I worked hard to graduate early and get a job. If anyone had had it easy it was her. Her parents were not rich or anything but her grandparents had a college fund for her. No one forced her to get an art degree and for her to simplify all my hard work to being easy or just lucky really ticked me off.
AITA in this situation
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not tipping my waitress",
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"contranormative_score": 15
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|
AITA for not tipping my waitress?
|
Long story short, my girlfriend and I went out to eat at Nifty Fifty's and our waitress neglected us almost the entire time. She did the bare minimum with tending to us the entire time.
Now I will defend her a bit; she said that all of her tables were currently (and usually) in the back, and we were seated closer to the front near the cab register and where the waitresses grabbed the food to deliver to tables.
We didn't pay too much attention to it until we asked for the check. And let me preface what I'm about to say next with this; I always tip 20% because I understand that servers don't get paid minimum wage and live off of tips. However, my waitress walked past us 4 times (behind the counter), rung up another table and talked to her coworkers within a 15-20 minute time since she gave us our check.
The bill was $35 and I was prepared to give her $7-8 as a tip. When she finally saw us, she was visually surprised and even said to us "oh my God I'm so sorry I forgot you were over here!"
Upon hearing that, coupled with the long wait time, I was frustrated and my girlfriend and I decided to not tip her at all.
Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "not liking a person because they purposely get super drunk",
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|
AITA for not liking a person because they purposely get super drunk?
|
Hey reddit, there has been a person who's been a relatively new member of our college friend group for the past 2 years. They have a tendency to brag about how much they drink and laugh it off a lot but in my mind they really ruin a lot of fun events and parties we go to. I know this is college but they drink to this point every time there is alcohol available. They just drink way too much and it always ends with one or two of us having to physically get them back to their dorm and wait with them until they fall asleep. There is usually vomiting and crying involved. I'll admit the first time the crying really got to me, it was something about a past relationship but we all stayed up talking through it with them until they fell asleep. The person can be somewhat dramatic, one of their typical things to do is run away so the people who want to make sure they are ok have to catch them. My friends don't seem to mind, they usually seem to think its funny which I think encourages the person. That's whatever, its totally cool if they don't mind it. It came up in conversation one day that I don't act particularly friendly to them or participate in the chases or the care anymore, and I mentioned that it bothered me that they had the tendency to do this. It felt rude and not very considerate when people make plans to enjoy an event or a night out. After this the person in particular got upset with me and some of my friends are telling me that it wasn't cool for me to judge their drinking habits. I'm actually quite curious about responses to this, I try not to be a mean person but my friends are pretty staunch in their opinion that I'm in the wrong. I'd like to fix this if possible. Thanks for the help.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "saying I hate mormons",
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"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for saying I hate Mormons
|
Talking with a colleague that attended college in Utah, one of us brought up Mormons, I ended up making a half serious half comedic comment “I hate Mormons”. Giggling, she says that she is actually a Mormon, but that she “ totally gets it”. We ended up talking for an hour, mostly me being surprised about the confusing history of theology and how it squared with her feminism/socially progressive ideas.
I feel like shit for the “hate” comment, and I really appreciate her as a person, but I’m not sure if I feel bad for potentially being offensive or the fact that I’m kind of a bigot because I do hate the Mormon religion.
|
HISTORICAL
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|
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|
{
"description": "disabling internet every day until my kids (12,15) finish their homework",
"pronormative_score": 68,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for disabling internet every day until my kids (12,15) finish their homework?
|
So I saw reddit posts on this a while back actually. Some mom was doing something very similar and she was called an abusive parent. Just like some feedback for myself.
I'm a single mother with 2 kids (12F, 15M) and the older one has had some issues with video gaming and internet use which heavily affected his grades. So now I have a system where the internet is always disabled right when they get home. They leave their smartphones downstairs and they have 2 hours after school each day to finish their homework. Once they're done, I reactive the internet and they can do as they wish.
I thought I was being responsible with this. Before, I'd frequently find them both surfing instagram or social media while they claimed to be working on homework. Now I know they're working because they show me the work and I can at least be satisfied that some things are being completed. My younger daughter is ok with this system although my son has argued that I'm too controlling and even "abusive" for limiting his internet access. He says internet is basically a right and I can't restrict and isolate him just because I don't understand. But the thing is before I implemented this system he was making constant Cs in school. He played online games all night or would just chat with his friends. Now he's actually completing schoolwork.
AITA for enforcing this rule? I was surprised when I saw similar situations pop up online and people saying the mother was abusive for limiting internet. Is this really the case?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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"description": "not giving away my wii to a poor single mother with 2 kids",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I didn’t give away my Wii to a poor single mother with 2 kids
|
I’m on mobile so sorry for an poor formatting
A bit of background: I’ve had my Wii for about 10 years or so. I still occasionally play games on it but the sentimental value this thing has to me is utter insane. I was basically grown up on this thing.
Recently my mom asked me if I would be willing to give it away to single mother at her work. She has two twins and their birthday is approaching and she wanted to get them a gift. I argued that you could buy a Wii for pretty cheap and I couldn’t imagine games cost more than $10.
AITA for not being willing to give away my Wii
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
GARkFBjcmkdBQBIzEuCZANr8hfZSGdPj
|
aagp5c
|
{
"description": "killing a fish",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for killing a fish?
|
We went fishing as a family, to eat not catch and release. I caught a fish small trout. Nothing that fancy. So next I had to kill it. It was flopping around and my dad said I had to hit it hard on its head with a rock. I tried really hard( I was maybe 14) and no luck. The fish kept moving around. It was kind of embarrassing and my dad kept screaming at me in front of the entire extended family. I ended up not being able to kill it and having to have some other cousin do it for me. My dad yelled at me a ton and for some reason that memory still kind of haunts me every so often. AMTA for letting the fish suffer a lot and pretty much embarrassing my family in front of our extended family by making it look like I couldn’t even kill a fish?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
QV82IjBZFo8lHjsMf7coZYHPIcvXDh2w
|
b64irn
|
{
"description": "giving my nephew dating advice",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for giving my nephew dating advice?
|
So my sister's kid is a sophomore in high school and he's been getting into girls like most guys his age. I'm 26, so there's not that huge a difference and as such he's kinda seen me as the cool uncle or whatever. He's a great kid, but I know he struggles with girls since he's shy and too nice, so I sat him down and gave him a few words of advice:
* If she rejects you, move on. She means nothing and you're better off not having her around
* Respect a no, and then block them
* Keep multiple balls in the air, so you always have a fall-back, and a better chance of success overall
* Don't waste your time or her's with games and friendship shit, cut to the point and conserve your time
Anyway my nephew apparently took this to heart and told my sister about what I told him, and she is FURIOUS, telling me I'm teaching him to be a psychopath, and to not respect women. I asked her what *she* had told him and it was basically some "make friends with girls and maybe, perhaps eventually you'll get a girl" type shit, and I sort of laughed at the thought that this is what she told him.
Anyway she's really pissed and a couple of our mutual friends think I'm an asshole as well. Am I the asshole? I was just trying to give him my truth, no pleasantries or timewasting bullshit or flowery words. I want him to succeed in life and with girls, he's a good kid and I don't want him to end up a wizard or a virgin or something.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
1z8XPyG9IxWADuCB0UNTb8zP3zgXMNox
|
9zbzaz
|
{
"description": "throwing water balloons at people yelling outside in the middle of the night on a weeknight",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for throwing water balloons at people yelling outside in the middle of the night on a weeknight?
|
I live in an apartment building in downtown Philly. I've lived here for more than five years so I'm used to city life and I don't expect it to be quiet. I'm used to the sounds of traffic, sirens, and drunk assholes shouting outside (mostly on the weekends) but a 24-hour convenience store and sandwich shop recently opened up right across the street from where I live and the level of drunk shouting and screaming has gone through the fucking roof. It's really bad, you guys.
Packs of drunk assholes chanting Eagles chants at the top of their lungs for twenty minutes at a time and getting in the street, blocking traffic, making drivers trying to go past lay on their horns at two am is something I can handle on weekends because I don't have to work but its EVERY GODDAMN NIGHT and it's killing me.
Sure my apartment is in a somewhat busy area but it was relatively peaceful until that convenience store came in and attracted all of the people who left bars at closing drunk off their ass but who don't want to go home yet. I tried looking up the non-emergency police number but that number is basically only open during regular day/office hours. And I don't see what my apartment management or the convenience store can do about it because these people are technically not in the store when their screaming at the top of their goddamn lungs in the middle of the street.
What I want to do is fill up a bunch of water balloons and keep them in a bowl in my fridge so they're nice and cold and throw them at the shouting people to try to get them to stop. Even if it doesn't get them to stop entirely, I have to think it would make them leave the area at least. I would only do this if it's past 1 am mon-thurs and I would use those mini balloons so no one gets soaked or anything, I don't want to damage anyone's property or anything, just give them a splash of cold water as kind of a friendly 'shut the *fuck* up, mofo'. I just honestly have no idea what else I can do to change the situation that will actually enact some form of change.
So if this is an asshole move, let me know but also let me know what else if anything I can do, I'm seriously at my wit's end.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Kf8b5htRm4ryvk7Iq8mvsv2J1MD05jyC
|
9u3won
|
{
"description": "stopping talking to a chick after I took her virginity",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA to stop talking to a chick after i took her virginity
|
So i met this girl on a dating app and at first we didn't really hit it off. Sending messages every few hours. One night we began snapping eachother and had a amazing conversation (where i learned that she was a churchgoer and a virgin. After a couple hours of us making a streak we began talking about sex and well soon pictures started being sent. We had planned for her to come over that night but she got cold feet. And we both went to bed. The next morning while at work she texted me that she didnt want to talk anymore and was ashamed of her actions the previous night. I told her that i really like talkimg to her once she opened up and that sex wasn't a big issue we could have a relationship and i could wait. She told me that she felt it best if we stopped talking altogether and so we did. Until she messaged me a couple hours later apologizing and saying she was just nervous so we began talking again. Fast forward to later that night we made plans for her to come over again which she does (to watch a movie) and we end up having sex.
This is where it gets TMI.
So before we have sex and i start eating her out. ( full of hair) which is to be expected because she a virgin) and as were having sex , i have her turn around to doggy style. Once she turns around it hits me. I get blindsided by the strongest smell of shit. Immediately have her turn back around. After i tell her to turn we continue to have sex. About 15mins later she asks me to stop and says it hurts. There blood everywhere. After we clean up she starts apologizing. And i tell her its okay.
Anyways she leaves and then immediately starts freaking out asking if i got her pregnant (we used condoms). But its still understandable its her first tine She chills out a bit but still asks weird questions like "since i touch to condon and fingered her is she pregnant since i got the sperm on my hands.
So anyways the next couple of days ill admit ice been less inclined to talk to her and have been sending one word texts i personally want to stop talking to her but i feel bad because i took her virginity. But i also dont wanna keep leading her on. She has been trying to come over and have sex again but i have been very hesitant and just been making excuses on why im busy. Now shes on a mission trip for a fee weeks and cant text.
I was very interested in this girl but honestly i cant get the smell out of my head.
Would i be the asshole to just completely cut her off?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
mhhfifd9gkTZez43vHxHiLocqZdLFVRm
|
b1y2p1
|
{
"description": "avoiding going to my father's house because I don't like the fact he cheated on my mom",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for avoiding going to my father's house because I don't like the fact he cheated on my mom? (And some other things)
|
So.... this is my first post, be gentle haha. Sorry if it's long winded or, well, stupid. I don't know, I just wanted to talk about it with some people who probably know way better then me.
SM=Stepmok
(I was born in 2004, my brother 2008. This is important later.)
My mom and my dad broke up and got divorced around.... 8 or 7 years ago and in 2016 my dad got remarried to a lady who seemed ok. We all sat down and had that "just because she's a new edition to the family doesn't mean you can ignore her, or treat her any differently" blah, blah, blah, whatever, I played by my dad's rules.
Fast forward a few years, I was having a talk with my mom and she hands me a paper and tells me to read it. In short, it was a little autobiography about my dad's and my SM's relationship, (written by my SM's) this would be fine if the paper didn't say they met in 2004 and became a couple in 2008.
All I could really think was What. The. Fuck.
Now, recently my SM makes me do things for her which I don't really mind, but when it's constant it gets on my nerves, (go to her work and bring back her purse, help cook dinner, go grocery shopping, help clean the house, little things like that)
And my dad gets mad at me so easily now it's kind of ridiculous. I don't help my brother with his homework, he takes all my shit away and tells at me. (I think it's ridiculous cause it's not like it's MY homework to be doing anyway.)
Like other teenagers, I like to have my space but at my dad's house neither me or my brother have our own rooms. (We sleep on the couch) and get 30 minutes tops on our electronics a day.
I have stopped calling him everyday because more and more I think about how much it actually sucks being at his house and how much he lies to me. (I always go back to the question when him and my SM met and he says 2015)
I just don't feel loved or appreciated anymore.
And I think this not wanting to go there anymore might have been triggered by my SM and my dad talking about possibly having another child. I dunno, man. I dunno.
(Also if anyone has an idea of what I can write for a TLDR that would be much appreciated)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
i41Gqb4LpY2TAgtXVUgAmJb0jeAjelmX
|
a5rxg2
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend?
|
I (17M) have a girlfriend (19F) and we've been together for one and a half years. We have a Long Distance Relationship (80km). We can only see each other in the weekends 'cause her father brings her here. I live with my Mother.
My Relationship is going ok, we had a lot of problems some months ago.
She thought I was not in love with her anymore and she began chatting with this guy. The guy told me and we broke up but I' m trying to make this work.
Her father is a bit of an asshole, he makes really bad jokes about me or my girlfriend (usually food related stuff) and auto-invites to dinner. My girlfriend hated him but I tried to make things between them go better. I organized a lot of dinners-out with both of them and my mom, so we could all have fun together. They're becoming more close to each other and I'm happy even tho he's still an asshole.
So, I work as a Delivery Guy and I work A LOT so my girlfriend was sad because we couldn't stay together at Christmas and on the New Year's Eve.
I manager to get a few days off to work (5 days) to stay with her (from 21/12/18 to 01/01/2019).
I told her about a week ago and, two days ago, she told me that she wanted to stay with her father at Christmas. I got really upset, I kept talking to her but I was Stone-cold. We discusse about this yesterday and she told me I'm over-reacting. She told me that she always has to decide between staying with me and with her grandma/father. I told her that I too have to make some decisions, this Summer for example I declined a week at the beach at a four-stars Hotel (all free, my father offered me) just to stay with her. Note that, I been on a real Vacation for around 10 years.
I'm thinking about leaving her for a lot of reasons, but on the other hand I still love her.
SO, AITA for getting Angry at my girlfriend who wants to spend Christmas with her father?
(sorry for grammar and typos, I'm using my Phone and I'm not a Native English Speaker)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
gAtMg2lKjCr2mxwI6ldBIQaeR2al5NdR
|
afblr8
|
{
"description": "constantly trying to find a way to contact an ex that ghosted me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for constantly trying to find a way to contact an ex that ghosted me?
|
This hopefully won’t be a lengthy post and I’m begging for your opinion on this.
I dated this guy for around 2 months when this happened. He was on vacation with his family and I really wanted to talk to him. I called him up a few times and he wouldn’t answer. Then finally he picked up but his aunt was the one who answered. She said “We are having an important conversation do not call again.”
I know I shouldn’t have but I ended up calling soon after. I was furious in the fact that there was no other explanation and that my ex couldn’t just explain that himself. I’ve never even spoken to this women before that call. What followed the call was the aunt telling me how I’m too needy and annoying. My ex then blocked me on everything and only left me with a “We are over” text.
I have spent that last week and a half trying to contact him to get an explanation on what happened. I’ve even sent him a screenshot of me texting my other ex telling him I don’t have a boyfriend. I still got no reaction. I am constantly trying to get a response by using multiple numbers and multiple social media accounts.
AITA here because I still think I’m entitled to some kind of reasoning behind the breakup. Thank you for reading and lmk who you guys think is the asshole it is greatly appreciated :)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
EyAm3xNbKLJsM1itfJofmKc09kjCqNDX
|
9yh6c9
|
{
"description": "planning a trip with my friend without another friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for planning a trip with my friend without another friend?
|
My friend, I'll say N, was telling me about a place she heard from her mother called Cat Island. We were then talking about like "OMG WE *HAVE* TO GOOO" and stuff, blah blah, blah. Then we decided, hey why don't we?
We researched how much money a trip to Japan would be as well as the prices of admission for other places we would want to go and figured out about how much money we'd need to raise in order to afford the amount for 3 people (me, N, and her mom who also really wanted to go and would be our guardian, of course [we're in high school]).
N said we should make a GoFundMe and post it on FB so I did (probably won't get any donations because it's for no special cause, but it doesn't hurt to have it up I guess). We're planning to get jobs and sell things to get most of the money.
Later, our friend, A, saw the post and got very upset. She she started writing gibberish in our group chat and saying how she'd wanted to go to Japan for years and that we knew this which made her ask me "R U TRYING TO SPITE ME?"
She kept saying how she's going to make her own GFM and do her own trip since N and I decided to do our own thing.
She messaged me in private and started saying how I'm inconsiderate and never consider other people. She said I destroyed her and asked why I'd make a plan without her. What's odd is she wasn't messaging N even though we were both equally involved in this plan.
N was confused and tried messaging A but A wasn't saying much apparently.
A kept insulting me for things unrelated to the situation.
The reason we didn't invite her was
1. because she's not allowed to talk to N or associate with her due to some legal drama that happened with their brothers
(two friends were being reckless and got expelled together so court said their families can't hang out but they secretly message because N has 2 facebooks, one under a fake name)
2. We weren't thinking about it, as we were hyping one another over the potential trip, though funding would take a couple years
3. A wouldn't care to see cats or do any of the things we'd plan because she dislikes cats and doesn't care for Disney (we wanted to go to Tokyo Disneyland as well), etc. We planned and determined the prices according to what we wanted to do, seeing Cat Island being the main reason for going.
We offered to let her come if she can help raise money and gets parental approval from the start of her being upset but she said she wasnt mad about that..(?)
A told me she apparently could talk to N so as to guilt me, i presume. I told her I didn't know since she'd tell me to refer to N as a different name to avoid getting in trouble when around her parents. When I said that, she said she didn't know if her mother would be okay with it. In which case, idk how she expected N or me to know if she didn't know herself and never told us after figuring she could.
Thing is, she couldn't..!
N invited A to a carnival in hopes of making A feel better and A responded in saying to wait until the court drama is over (the situation with their brothers which prevents the families from associating).
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
z5rzF2OSh7LTHLdB4Zm1csi61Gu9GpJy
|
a4qw7p
|
{
"description": "being pissed at a designer that I paid who made me a GIF & not a logo",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed at a designer that I paid who made me a GIF & not a logo?
|
* I paid them to design me a logo
* I gave them a lot of flexibility and some suggestions
* They responded hours later with not a logo... but a GIF
am I a jerk for not saying thanks but asking for the product I paid for?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Nwh0S4gtYMj1olvM5oNzS115iAdq1EzE
|
b487vy
| null |
WIBTA if I wanted to fuck up someones life after 20 years, just becouse person dared to contact me?
|
To start from the top, my mom did not do good choices about her companions in her early years. Currently she is happily married and has been for the past 10 years, all good to her from now on. She has suffered enough.
​
Currently I am in my early 30's and few days back my stepdad (alcoholic, molesting, wifebeater...) from 20-years ago digged up my phone number and called me. He called me during lunch hour and I was at work, your typical open office situation where you can surely hear what someone says at the other end of the office if the voices are even bit rised. I did go way overboard with foul language and volume. I guess now everyone who happened to be in office that time knows that I have a person in my past that I prefer to not keep living.
​
Anyway, the current situation is that I did hack his FB and Twitter account (middle aged ppl sure don't give a flip for security it seems....) but did not post anything, or fiddle with anything. Just went thru the backlog. Seems like he's found Jesus and other imaginary friends along the road, maybe even gave up drinking. He allso changed his full name. I guess that is becouse he lended money from someone he should not have. And never paid back.
​
I've had my cooling period and I still want to rip his face off.
​
WIBTA if I made the best possible effort to make his life hell now, with all the info I have (maybe keep fiddling and dig up the loansharks name too, provide his home address)? Even if he is most likely just trying to make amends? I feel like there are some things that just can not be forgiven.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
g9bP6jsUaDcmgOLu6YYedTodg2oN9cKU
|
ar5g0n
|
{
"description": "calling out a fake friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out a fake friend?
|
Some background: she and her friend had a fall out last year about some petty high school stuff girls fight about. Earlier this school year, Sheila(fake name) tried to reconcile with her. It didn't go over smoothly, but Sheila and her are at least on speaking terms.
Fast forward a few months, they hang out for
lunch pretty much every other day. However, she tells me she secretly hates hanging out with Sheila, because all Sheila talks about is her(Sheila's) boyfriend and class.
I ask why she pretends to be friends with Sheila. In my point of view, it's a pretty shitty thing to pretend you like someone, them trusting you, while you shit on them behind their back. All of this happened over text, mind you. She tells me because it would be "awkward" if she and Sheila weren't friends. I'm thinking, these two were best friends for nine years, had some feud break them up, and all of a sudden, their relationship is irredeemable?
Now I don't claim to know everything about the situation, but I know Not-Sheila holds a grudge like a bad judge. So I call her out on this. Why would you lead Sheila, who by all accounts is wonderful and incredibly pleasant, to believe you still want anything to do with her? "You're just being fake and shady af" I tell her. Oh boy...
She goes off on me, saying I shouldn't give my opinion on something I didn't go through, and how I could take Sheila's side when I know Not-Sheila better. I was tempted to remind her she wasn't a victim, but I restrained myself. Then she gets sad and says she's "hurt" and starts typing in all caps.
She is seriously upset. I don't want to jeopardize our relationship either, so I try to calm her down. I tell her I'm not mad at her and profusely apologize. I try to get her on the phone, to no avail. She doesn't respond for a while. After some personal reflection and some necessary crying, I write a huge personal and revealing paragraph, hoping to empathize with her. She responds with "Sure apology accepted." Not to read too much into things, but I question if it's genuine. This girl really holds a grudge.
The thing that perplexes me the most is she posts a picture of herself teary-eyed on her Finsta, saying how her day is ruined and she's trying to be the bigger person, but she's still the "bad guy".
*TLDR*: Call out a friend for pretending to be another girl's friend, but she secretly hates her. She gets upset, I apologise, she(reluctantly?) accepts my apology.
Was I the asshole for calling out a friend for being fake to another girl, should I be the one apologizing, and would you do the same to your friend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
s5jeChiNB0Swa0WQjO25tGpcyrhFSb18
|
b6pcmq
| null |
AITA? My best friend cheated on her bf with me
|
The title seems bad but let me give context:
(This might get long, TL;DR at the bottom)
[SLIGHTLY NSFW]
I am a girl, and my best friend is a girl. We've been best friends for a little over a year, and when we started hanging out, I had a huge crush on her. (I'm gay and she's bisexual.) I'll call her Grace.
Since we used to have like a kind of flirty relationship, we've always had like a certain level of sexual tension between us.
About a month ago, she started dating this guy she used to be friends with. They've been "official" for about two weeks. I'll call him Edward.
So Grace and Edward have been going out for a little bit, but they still haven't had sex, because she had a medical procedure. Grace is generally a really sexual person so let's just say this has NOT been easy for her.
Fast forward to today, the day of the incident. Grace and I always talk on the phone together when we can, and today was no different, however it's worth noting that today is the first day in over a month she's been allowed to masturbste or have sex or anything. We were talking as per usual, and I heard a weird noise, so I asked her what it was. It turned out it was her masturbating. (Like I said, she's been looking forward to being able to do this for a month.) Next thing I know, she's asking me if I'll masturbate with her. One thing lead to another, and to be brief, we had phone sex for about an hour.
After we finished, I told her I felt kind of bad because it felt like I'd helped her cheat on Edward. She said she felt bad too, and I agreed not to tell him, because she still wants to date him.
I still feel bad though, and I know I probably shouldn't have let that happen, and I don't know if I should tell Edward or not. So anyway, AITA?
TL;DR: I had phone sex with my bisexual best friend even though she has a boyfriend.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
jqnlD1YpNOISe6fSJQkCEzraWfDUhUkP
|
b21bul
|
{
"description": "not being able to stand my brother with down syndrome",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not being able to stand my brother with down syndrome?
|
I'm not sure if this is the kind of posts that go in this sub but I would really like to know if I'm being an ass and I need to suck it up. I'm a 15 yr old F, and my brother is a 21 yr old M, he lives at home with my mom and I.
He's been heavily influenced by 80s rock. Likes to go to concerts, meet and greets (which I think is great that he can). He likes to sing and play with the drum sticks he gets from the concerts. My room is right next to his and I hear the noise sometimes for hours right after we get home from school. I don't know how else to deal with it (other than putting my headphones in), but lately I just have been shutting my mom out because I'm so frustrated that I can't have a day when it's quiet. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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a0pvnl
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{
"description": "being angry at wife because she tries to \"manage\" my salary",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 52
}
|
AITA for being angry at wife because she tries to "manage" my salary
|
Me and my wife(no kids) don't have a common budget.
Because I'm earning almost 4 times more than her, I willingly handle most of our expenses (around 80-90% of our expenses). She can use her own salary for whatever she wants(she's saving around 40-60% of it).
I have been helping my other family (parents & brothers) with a mortgage for some years, but also with additional money when they needed. Still I could save some and live a cozy life with my wife.
Last time I helped them with a sum of around 25% of my monthly salary, my wife was angry at me. Her main argument is that I'm not saving for "us" (we're planning to buy our own flat) and that she doesn't have a say on our finances.
I got really angry because this was not the her first time and told her that you'll never be able to manage the money I earn with this attitude of selfishness towards my other family. Also, I told her that even If I decide to donate half of my salary, she should support my decision as long as I'm covering both of us.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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JHMYE6U5Fk9p4jNnRIjPS9r0fvHeRrKg
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av50bc
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{
"description": "missing a Close Friend's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA If I Miss a Close Friend's Wedding?
|
Background: All of my friends are really close, and there are 4 of us. We've been friends since we were 14 and we're all mid 20s now.
Friends A and B moved to the other side of the country about two years ago, and myself and friend C visited when finances permitted it. Recently friend A has moved to another state again, about a 12 hour drive from me, and she's getting married in that state. I'm supposed to be one of her bridesmaids. My husband and I don't make a lot of money (we have about $300 left over per month after bulls), so we had a very small wedding in our home state, but none of my friends made the trip home.
Now, onto the issue. Friend A wants all of us bridesmaids to pay for a vacation as her Bachelorette party. Basically, we pay for ourselves and a portion for her. I quickly noped out of that, because I can't afford it and think it's inappropriate of her to expect it. I still planned to go to the wedding, but now that it's getting closer I just don't know if I can afford it. I would have to take a minimum of four unpaid days off, pay for food for those days, pay for a hotel, and pay for transportation. I'd also have to board my pets if I brought my husband, who was also invited. If I can afford it it will be just barely, and I'm really not in a place right now where I can afford all of that and not have to make a lot of sacrifices to do so. I would be more willing to do so, honestly, if she had come to mine, but since she didn't I don't really think I should have to put myself in such a dangerous financial position to go to hers. I'm wondering if I'm the asshole because I could probably afford it if I was willing to turn off my heat in my house and only eat rice and potatoes for the three months leading up to the wedding. I also know she's going to be mad and make out like I'm just closing not to go for no reason, because she's a person with very high expectations of those around her. So, let me have it, reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
S4vvhAM8DmvETliCTFoBxmJYcX6LhDwn
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b5tdeb
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{
"description": "getting mad at a girl for not revealing she was trans",
"pronormative_score": 61,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting mad at a girl for not revealing she was trans?
|
So basically I met this girl on Tinder, and we instantly had an amazing connection. I've met lots of people off the app and I can tell you, I've never wanted someone as badly as I wanted her before actually meeting IRL. Due to life circumstances getting in the way, we chatted non-stop for 2 weeks. Conversations about everything, our traumas, hopes and dreams, our childhood stories, our secrets... Needless to say, I was falling for her HARD and I was super anxious to meet up. The night before our first date I could hardly fall asleep, and she felt the exact same way about me.
​
Also, it's worth mentioning that we had been sexting really hardcore for days before our date, and basically there was the assumption that we would absolutely ravish each other the second we met. She was really forward and sexually agressive in her communication with me.
​
Fast forward to our date, and the first moments go exactly as I had been dreaming about those previous weeks. We're really into each other and started making out, and that's when I noticed she had a penis. I stopped everything and I asked her "so you're trans?!", and she basically said that we had such a special connection, she was afraid of telling me earlier because she didn't want to ruin things and that since I am bisexual, she assumed I wouldn't mind.
​
I was instantly floored. Despite being bisexual, I am not sexually attracted by transwomen at all. It has nothing to do with not viewing them as real women, but there's something about the idea of a woman with a dick that's just offputting for me and it's totally not my thing. I then instantly made some distance between us, I was respectful to her at all times but I told her I needed to go home and process all this information before I could truly have any reaction. On my drive home I started getting really mad - if we hadn't been sexting, it wouldn't have been that big of a deal, she doesn't owe me anything. But the fact that we were obviously going to fuck, how could she hide something like that from me and not give me the right to know beforehand? I feel really stupid for having constructed this fairy tale in my head for 2 whole weeks because she didn't bother to tell me this obviously relevant fact. It was a terrible feeling, and to be honest, I'm still really fucking crushed about it.
​
I got home and texted her, thanking her for the date but that I was disappointed and pissed she didn't tell me before and that it wasn't going to work out. She then proceeded to get angry with me, told me I was being irrational and transphobic and what not. So tell me reddit, AITA?
​
​
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
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|
anwzet
|
{
"description": "telling my friend I refuse to see her partner again",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend I refuse to see her partner again?
|
I have a friend of over 10 years. She lives abroad and I am going to visit her area by chance in a little bit. Of course I want to stop and say hello and catch up with her. She has been really there for me and we have matured together. She even hosted a very not super together me a few years ago... for three months. It probably saved me.
At the same time, her partner and I never got along. He is, in my opinion, spoiled, dismissive, abusive, and entitled. He has smacked my ass. He said “right, if we aren’t having sex it is time to go.” He slammed the door in my face for not being okay with him GPS tracking my walks. He said he would have kicked me out if it weren’t for his partner. I quit my job to go visit so I was working on a mock interview with my friend when her partner came from the other room to say “you’re too flitty to get hired.” He argues and controls dozens of things a day about my friend. I am by no means innocent either as I was going through some stuff and frankly spending a few months in anyone’s living room will cause tension.
She seems happy. Even if she isn’t, trying to drive a wedge between the two of them is only going to isolate me and have her choose him instead of both of us in her life and I want to be there for her if she leaves him. I know she was looking forward to hosting me and feels hurt. I also know that I have come so far with building boundaries that I cannot allow this man into my life even for a few days.
So AITA for not sucking it up and staying with them? For making my friend choose between her partner and her friend? For not putting aside my differences for the sake of my friend when she could probably use a friend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
yqXR5XsqdELa5KL2b1SvQTcEAGnFwZaj
|
anzs83
|
{
"description": "using facilities not built for my size",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for using facilities not built for my size?
|
Tall guy; 196cm, 6'5" I believe; living abroad and nothing is built to accommodate my height as I knew before I would even go here. Almost every normal day activity requires a bit of thinking or adapting even those that seem simple like dish washing. I constantly hit my head and can never comfortably travel and start complaining about it to myself, sometimes out loud after a painful bump.
Using public transportation I often have to use 2 spots as I have to sit sideways. The metro and train have rules that state you may not extend your body or items beyond the chair meaning I'll have to sit in the window seat and have my legs in front of the other seat. People are visibly upset at this sight and sometimes yell at me to just stand up and let 2 others sit or to just put my legs up, which is impossible in both.. I've tried it. This happens both during high and low traffic hours and usually I decide to just stand. (example)
AITA for trying to use facilities that where not made to accommodate people of my size and by doing so denying others to use the facility to its full extend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
a5jxq7
|
{
"description": "arguing with my friend because he thinks the girl I slept with \"wasn't good enough\"",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for arguing with my friend because he thinks the girl I slept with "wasn't good enough"
|
I hooked up with a girl that I've been interested in for a while last night. She's super nice and I'm very attracted to her so naturally I was pretty happy with the situation. Upon hearing this, my friend asks to see some photos of the girl (they've never met) and immediately begins roasting me on how she looks. I thought he was joking or something but he kept going and claiming she was a "4 at best" and all that shit. He says I'm an attractive guy and can do way better so starts calling it a waste. Naturally this irritates me because firstly she's hot and secondly why does he give a fuck about the 'standard' of girls I sleep with? He continued on for ages about how he wants me to do better and just wants the best for me but it really upset me that he couldn't just be happy that I found a girl I liked. He doesn't know the girl so doesn't have any hidden information about her or anything and purely based his opinion off a couple instagram photos. So I got pissed off and stopped talking to him and he doesn't understand why. Am I the asshole? Is he in the right here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ITDJC3ODhWgvok1K90uHADDGLJWPHAI9
|
af1seh
|
{
"description": "wanting nothing to do with past sos or people I tried to pursue romantically/ friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting nothing to do with past SOs or people I tried to pursue romantically/ friends?
|
People always tell me about how they keep in contact with ex BF or GF and stay friends. I never understood this because if anyone I had a strong relationship with suddenly stopped being my friend or having a romantic interest in me, I stop any sort of contact or relationship with that person for the rest of my life. It seems weird to be friendly with anyone I used to be romantically involved with and it hurts to talk or be friends with them. Am I the asshole if I don’t want to be “friends” or “keep in contact”?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
8MUkwQazmrlkcOTvPfJhU9dCCFI3aapR
|
al6r8t
|
{
"description": "complimenting an immigrant on their English",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA because I complimented an immigrant on their English?
|
Okay all, I've got something that's been on my mind for a while.
This happened back in November of 2017. I was on a trip with my Finance club in NYC. This was when I was an undergrad in college. We were visiting big financial firms in the area, but this part of the trip we were socializing with alumni of our college who work in NYC.
There's a bunch of different alumni, and we're all just socializing and chatting. I'm talking to an Indian lady who is probably in her late 20's - early 30's. I've asked her where she's from, and she told me a major city in India. I ask how long she's been in the United States, and she said she's been here since a certain young age (I don't quite remember the little details of the conversation).
Learning that she is an immigrant and English *probably* wasn't her first language, I proceed to compliment her on her English speaking ability. I say something along the lines of "Your English is really good!"
She criticizes me for saying that. She says that I should learn that that isn't something I should say in a setting like this. Then, she doesn't even let me respond, and instead either walks away to chat with someone else or just moves her body to the side and starts a conversation with someone else.
I'm obviously taken back and quite embarrassed. I didn't know how to react (she really didn't give me a chance to).
For reference, I am an Asian-American. Both my parents are immigrants to the US and English is not their first language.
Am I The Asshole for complimenting her on her English skills?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
pqUimaG8mIFZAgSKH2IJljqBswfYvNYy
|
b9idi5
|
{
"description": "dropping a roommate from our next lease",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dropping a roommate from our next lease
|
I recently posted "AITA for not wanting to go to a wedding".
TLDR; our lease is up and 4 out of the 6 people want 2 of them gone.
I have a friend (M, 28) who is going to be married in two days to a 90-day-fiance (F, 28). She moved into our 3 bed 3 bath apartment with us and we're now talking about our next steps for the next apartment lease. Our rent is hiking up a few hundred dollars and we think it's time to find a new one. The problem is our roommate and his fiance have 3 cats, 2 of which hate each other, and a third that vomits everyday. At our last apartment, because of the amount of cat urine and vomit, the entire apartment had to be re-carpeted. Also, whenever they open their door, we get this huge wave of cat-piss odor. We don't want another issue with our next apartment, so we felt that it's time for them to part ways but we haven't said anything about it yet. We recently had an apartment meeting where we talked about our needs and we decided to look for 3 bed 3 bath apartments/houses. We also indicated that there's a possibility that our group might disband and that we should be prepared for us to split. Initially, I said that my gf and I were thinking of splitting.
Our other two roommates (M, 26 & F, 23?) talked to me and my gf in private and let us know that they were thinking of finding a 2 bed 2 bath without the cat owners. My gf and I are trying to save money and although we want our own space we figured this was the best path.
The cat owners make a decent amount, but we don't think it's enough for a single apartment between the two of them. She just came here from a different country and doesn't have any friends or family. She also can't work for 90 days or apply for 90 days, so she's not generating income. He works the night shift 45 minutes away. He has a bunch of debt and has already spent thousands on his fiance's paperwork/permanent resident card. We think he should move back to either his parent's hometown, which is closer to his work, or to the city he works in to save money. We haven't brought it up and our lease is up in 2 months. We plan on telling him this weekend.
AITA for dropping our cat owner roommates and not even bothering to look for bigger apartments?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Cm24FWdHvfM2Uyb89kuMzcNQkvXtv79Y
|
ag5r04
|
{
"description": "being upset that my mom won't let me have a candle in my room",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For Being Upset That My Mom Won't Let Me Have a Candle in My Room?
|
Listen, I enjoy the simple things in life. One of those things being ambiance. I love me the soft glow and flicker of a candle and its gentle wafting scent. But I digress.
About a week or two ago, my German shepherd chewed through a few hundred dollars worth of blinds in my mom's brand new home. I completely understood her frustration, and offered to pay for the blinds, but she declined. Since then, however, she's been unrealistically paranoid about mishaps occurring in her home. One of those things being a candle. I asked her if I could get a candle for my room (as I still live with her while going to school), and she said no, because she didn't want me to burn the house down. You know, maybe if I were 10-years-old, I'd agree. At the tender age of nineteen, though, I think I can handle a small Glade candle. She claimed I am easily distracted, which offended me firstly because of the lack of trust, and secondly because she couldn't offer an instance where I've demonstrated an irresponsibility equivalent to forgetting to burn out a candle. Her concerns stem from the three animals we have, namely the cat. My cat is constantly knocking things over, as many cats do. I am aware that this is, of course, not great for having a candle, but I also have a rather tall dresser that she's not yet jumped on or knocked anything off of. I stated that I could either keep the door closed while I had the candle burning or just keep a watchful eye that my cat doesn't jump on the dresser, where I'd keep the candle. Any solution I offered was shut down with, "accidents happen. That's why they're called accidents." Either way, it's not like I'd have a candle going in my room without me in it. But okay!
Anyway, I get that it's her house, so it's her rules. She does a lot for me, and I'm super appreciative. At the same time, I think it's a little excessive to not let me use one small candle in my room. I realize a candle is actually a risk, but lots of things can be slightly risky. And yes, you should try to minimize risk, but to what degree is it too much? I also get that it's not worth being mad about; most people would just say, "dude, it's just a candle. You can live without burning a candle." But sometimes it's nice to come home after a stressful day and light up that delightful smelling ball of wax. I was really looking forward to getting one for my room. Lastly, I want to stress that I'm not, like, super upset at her or anything. More slightly annoyed. I love her so much, and she's an amazing mom, so this isn't something that'd affect the relationship or anything.
TLDR; my mom is paranoid that I'll burn the house down by accidentally forgetting to blow out a candle, so she won't let me have a candle in my room. AITA for being sort of upset that she doesn't trust me and is being a bit paranoid?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
IgzkKDRAGukH0QIlLZno1ttsDOWdUacH
|
avwcr9
| null |
Aita: roommate situation
|
So I’m a recent college grad. M25, I stayed in the same apartment after school ended cuz I picked up a job at the university.
Recently my old roommate left M22, and this random dude moved in, M35.
He’s an alcoholic, like I’m talking a dozen can of beers every night level. And he used to leave them stacked in the common area (we live in a 2/2). I always had to ask him to clean them up.
Anyway, shortly into him moving in, he asked to borrow a chair from the living room because he didn’t have furniture, next thing he took the tv stand and a small coffee table into his room. Keep in mind the place is unfurnished normally, so every bit of furniture was mine.
It didn’t bother me too much, I was trying to be nice. The first day he moved in, he asked if he could smoke cigs in the room, I told him it was against the rules and that the smoke was too powerful for me to be comfortable with it.
Fast forward to after New Years 2019. I came back and the apartment and the living room is stacked with cans, and cigs all over the ground, he had been sitting in the living room smoking and ashing them on the ground....
I confronted him and he apologized, and said he wouldn’t do it again. Next night he’s smoking in his room, I ask him again not to do it. He shrugs and says he’s not and shows me his room to inspect for the smell of cigs - whole room smelled like a bar, cig butts everywhere and maybe 80 cans of beer emptied and lined up covering one side of the room.
I’m losing my shit quietly.
He apologizes and starts going outside now to smoke. Randomly he starts sitting in the common area for the first time, and drinking all dozen cans each night, late into the night (like 4am), while watching tv full blast and yelling on the phone.
I ask him again to be considerate.
Doesn’t stop.
One night I can’t sleep from the nonsense and come out to get some food. His face when he knows he’s being an asshole. He goes outside and avoids my texts asking him to be considerate.
At this point the furniture in the common area is full of cig burns and the carpet is black from the ashes.
I ask him to clean it up, but two weeks past and NOTHING. He keeps saying he will, but just goes about his ritual each night.
So I lost my shit, and told him to return all my furniture to the living room. Stacked everything up against the wall and now have removed/sold a large portion of it, so that the common area is just a giant empty room.
I sent him a photo of what he needed to clean but he never did it. He left me on read. Now he doesn’t come home every, maybe for like five mins at night and then disappears, I feel kind of bad, like I bullied him out of there, but I felt like this kid didn’t give a shit, so I’m feeling mixed.
AITA? Did I handle that right ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
3oVG4aeT7V43bIvhsv3vXyjwJgxdSmlT
|
b17mul
|
{
"description": "asking for fewer hours at work",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for asking for fewer hours at work?
|
Sorry for formatting, I'm on mobile. First time posting, so sorry if I'm doing this wrong.
I currently work an office job. I have been here for 9 months and it is my first office job. This job has a busy season (May through Sept/Oct) where there is almost an overwhelming amount of work) and a slow season (November-April) where there is sometimes a manageable/reasonable amount of work and sometimes less than that. I work a job that pays an hourly wage, where I am guaranteed 40 hours a week regardless of the season and expected to work 40 hours a week regardless of the season. We are allowed to work a little overtime during the busy season if we need to stay late to finish something but it isn't encouraged or required.
I would like to work 30 hours per week during the slow season (the minimum required to still get benefits.) I would like to spend less time at the office and more time doing the things I enjoy. I am fairly certain I can afford this. I am fairly certain I can get all of my work done in 30 hours a week if I manage my time well and work as fast as I do during the busy season. I feel like I am subconsciously slowing down in order to make my tasks last longer because I know that even if I finish early I won't be able to leave early. If I work fewer hours, it will save the company money because they will have to pay for 10 fewer man hours each week. And if I can't finish all my work in time I have no problem staying longer. Sounds good, right?
Except...
1. My parents don't want me to ask for reduced hours. They don't directly pay for my lifestyle ( I pay my own rent, bills, food, everything) but they paid for college, and the reason I can afford to work fewer hours is because I don't have to pay loans.
2. I want to be a team player and leaving work early every day would make me less of a team player.
3. I would be asking for special treatment whilst simultaneously admitting that I have been working slowly.
WIBTA if I asked to work fewer hours if I can get all of my work done? At all of the jobs I've worked previously, it was common practice to cut people's hours when it's slow. And I would hate to be stuck in an office all day if I don't have to.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
HnnAFVbRqMXJuxMOLOC7vvzPt3R9UnIn
|
aisugc
|
{
"description": "wearing my slippers upstairs",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wearing my slippers upstairs
|
My wife berated me this evening for wearing my slippers into our daughters room while we got her ready for bed, apparently we agreed not to wear slippers into the bedrooms, only on the landing where we have old carpet which is about to be replaced. I don't recall any discussion about slippers, in fact i think its the craziest thing I've ever heard, we only wear slippers indoors anyway. Is not wearing slippers in bedrooms a thing? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
y6P1iYoc4cmK6Fyf0QuM91kzHmAo6i2o
|
aultlk
|
{
"description": "wearing a leather jacket and eating meat on a date with a vegan",
"pronormative_score": 117,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wearing a leather jacket and eating meat on a date with a vegan?
|
Went on a date with a girl I had pretty great chemistry with, and I knew she was vegan beforehand (just it not occurring to me about the leather/suede jacket).
She was the first one to bring it up and it hit me then that I screwed up.
We got Mexican after and I ordered beef nachos (again, simply was not thinking) and again she brought that up but was still super cool about it all.
The date went well and we have another (which I will be more thoughtful about) but still think it’s a pretty major dick move to have at least not considered it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
bD5D7ZxAqwiGUH0DP74aJ66tJztu6amH
|
b7i3f2
|
{
"description": "commenting against an anti-JW social media post",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for commenting against an anti-JW social media post?
|
"Bob" and I met when we were both protesting a local politician who had made racist comments. As it turns out, we would go on to serve on several local agency for us together. He's an acquaintance, not a friend.
Yesterday, Bob makes a social media post that JWs knocking on your door may be (bad people who hurt kids). Apparently the church knows it has a problem and hasnt done anything about it.
I comment that I am surprised by his post given that we met opposing a man who made racist comments. Others jump into the conversation, turning it nasty, but I think I argued the issue and didnt attack him. He feels otherwise, and claims that he was grew up JW and was abused and the church protected his abuser and his family disowned him. My final comment was "replace the JW in your post with "Jew" or "black" and tell me how you feel about it".
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
l8FhcCHZFVxnnNKR02EpZZBYRVQ5COki
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ahqxm6
|
{
"description": "continuing to have a relationship with my Ex's kid",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for continuing to have a relationship with my Ex's kid?
|
I left my abusive Ex years ago and have since moved on and am in a happy and healthy multi-year serious relationship. I am over my Ex emotionally, and have done all of the mental health work I've needed to do to heal and identify abusive patterns so that I never find myself in that position again. The problem is, my Ex's now-adult child still considers me to be their Step Mom. We were very close when they were younger and I was with their Dad, and I loved them very much. I didn't treat them any differently than I did my own kids, and was heavily involved in their daily life and upkeep emotionally, academically, and financially, in some cases way more than their Dad ever was. I still love them just as much today even as an adult, and I'm proud of the person they've become. They also consider my kids (no relation) to be their Step-Siblings to this day as well, and we've never discarded these connections over the years just because I broke up with the Dad. Additionally, Ex's kid hasn't had any sort of meaningful relationship with their Dad since I left him. They unsurprisingly left to go live with their Bio-Mom around the same time that I left. I wasn't the only person being abused by their Dad.
Today, I still have a natural fear of my Ex and his extended family because I know what they're capable of, and have avoided crossing paths with them wherever possible. I fear being targeted by them for having a relationship with my Ex's child all of these years later. I worry that someone's going to get a bee in their bonnet and come after me or threaten me saying that I'm trying to interfere in this kid's relationship with their Dad because that's the type of people they are, and it's very likely that someone like me would be targeted vs. anyone taking responsibility for their own actions that alienated this kid and made the kid not want to have a relationship with them in the first place. I really don't need any unnecessary stress or drama in my life, and it's all very triggering for me as a victim of these same people.
AITA for still maintaining the relationship with my Ex's kid? I'm big on the concept of chosen family, and this adult child has decided I'm family (as are my kids) and I'm NOT going to let them down if that's what they want or feel. They tell me they love me even as an adult, and I love them, I just worry because I don't want to aggravate these people. Is there anything wrong with what I'm doing? Especially now that this kid is an adult? If I do get pursued, I'd like to be able to say fuck off from a place of power and knowledge that I'm doing the right thing, but I'd like to know with certainty that I'm doing the right thing first. Thanks in advance.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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j7tDBv4oCJ8VsgSm4yuLEkoDsCJc4jZq
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a4jso8
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{
"description": "giving parents cold shoulder after taking suing my father for maintenance",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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|
AITA for giving parents cold shoulder after taking suing my father for maintenance
|
I apologize for the long post but a bit of background is necessary.
My parents divorced when I was three. From what I gather from other family members they were awful together. There was zero contact from my father's family despite the fact that both of our families live less than half an hours drive from each other. So I will admit to a bit of bitterness that I held against him. He never tried to contact me or anything. Honestly she wasn't the best either. She was an alcoholic and I was repeatedly raped by a neighbour because she would leave me, then five years old, all alone in an unlocked house while she went drinking. He eventually moved away but I have never been comfortable enough to tell her what had happened. She was also incredibly violent in her discipline. I can remember getting beaten so badly once that my arm was swollen for a week and I couldn't move it and getting in the stomach several times. Fortunately she never broke anything and has reduced her drinking to tolerable levels.
Anyway when I was 20 and in my first year of university I meet him for the first time at her insistence. It was weird and awkward but mostly I feel my resentment. Fast forward three months with no contact from him and she announced that they were getting remarried. I was completely and utterly blindsided. I tried to tell her that they couldn't get married then because I still had some of the negative feelings to deal with and she basically said tough luck because it was happening anyway. I know it sounds stupid but I felt betrayed that they got to reconnect while leaving me completely out of the loop.
A month later they were married and we are moving again so my half brother, his son, can move in and the entire thing is a shit show. He loses his job and sits at home for a year and a half. They are constantly fighting. He would say things like she kidnapped me and he didn't know where I was. Or she will say his brothers made him choose between me or them. They were equally vindictive. He once asked me to gather blind jokes for dinner. I was confused by the request but excited because it meant maybe we would have a calm night. Nope. It turns out her dad lost his sight to cancer before he died. Honestly I spent a year and a half in a tailspin constantly questioning everything crying because everything they did reduced me to nothing but an object.
Then February this year he gets a job but it's too far to travel so he got an apartment there and was supposed to come on weekends. He didn't. In April his mistress comes looking for him. My mother flips but doesn't confront him. When he comes to fetch some stuff he'd forgotten she tells him to start helping pay for my university fees because my sponsor isn't helping anymore and if he doesn't she will take him to court. This isn't true but I shut my mouth because it's my hide she will skin.
He says he can't afford it and still doesn't know she knows. Two weeks later she drives to his apartment at 2 am. He won't let her in because the girlfriend is there and she goes completely beserk. She tells me that I have to take him to maintenance court as I'm over 18 and she can't sue on my behalf. I flat out refuse. This is not my battle and I don't want to get involved. I'm stressed out enough as it is and failing so she turns my life into hell. I won't go into the details but it was possibly the hardest month of my life and in may I filed for maintenance. He was furious.
When we finally made it to court he lied about his expenditure making it sound higher than it is and I have proof otherwise but I felt bad and wanted it to be over so I don't point out the lies. She wasn't allowed in as I'm over 18 so when the maintenance officer asks how much I want I just say a $100 which is not bad because he can afford ten times that and he really is not supporting me. She doesn't give me an allowance in any way nor does he so this seems reasonable in my mind especially considering how much more the officer and judge said I could get. God I was so wrong.
As soon as we got out he railroaded me. He called me some of the worst names and said terrible things to me. I still cry when I think about it. It was bad enough that some of the security in the court told him to wait inside while they escorted me out. Either way he started paying every month without skipping. Then last month he pitched up and then they tell me they are getting back together. Again I'm fully blindsided once more. They demand I must apologize to him for taking him to court.
She has the nerve to say that no parent
likes being taken to court by their own child. Let me reiterate she blamed me for him cursing me out in the worst way possible for something she did. Furthermore he expected an apology for me doing something he knows she forced me to do. I was completely flabbergasted but I could see that look in her eye. So I apologised.
But I can't. I just can't get back on that emotional rollercoaster again. I don't have the strength for it especially because I'm so stressed I keep failing. I have gone radio silence on both of them even though I'm still living with them while attending school. If I could move out I would.
After everything I have a long standing resentment against the two of them. The problem is I feel guilty because they are my parents. Religion, family and friends keep telling me that my anger is wrong but I can't help feeling that way. I'm trying , I really am but everytime I'm around them I can't help thinking of them as the man who threw me away for 17 years and can turn on me at a switch and the woman who cares about me so long as I'm on her side and doing her bidding.
So am I the asshole for not wanting anything to do with them ever again after this? For not speaking to them the remaining two years until I finish my degree.
TL,DR was raised by an abusive mother and absent father. When they had a falling out after remarrying, my mother forced me to take him to maintenance as revenge and my father knew it was not my choice. In spite of this he was verbally abusive to me even though I asked for a small amount. Both of them then forced me to apologize for taking him to maintenance court even though both of them knew she forced me to. Am I an asshole for not talking to both of them despite living with them.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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94X9GN8cIwPE0QIBTnv7owFhZTuDlWby
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b5tn6v
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{
"description": "unplugging someone's laptop in our school working area",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA - For unplugging someone's laptop in our school working area?
|
Hi reddit! This is my first post on reddit & on mobile too so sorry about any mistakes on formatting and stuff. It's quite short, I just wanted to see if people would think this would be justified if I did something in future if I ever see this girl again.
For context this happened in our sixth form working area - a pretty small space, just for the sixth formers to use. (I'm not sure what this would translate to for other countries, I think final year of highschool? Ages 16 - 18.) Not quite a library, no more than maybe 20 computers and a couple desks, arranged in what I guess you would call a U shape, with a big whiteboard at one end. It's not much but a good place to study/revise as sometimes our library is used for the younger classes. It can get quite busy up there and most of the time all of the computers are taken because of the amount of students.
I got up there early today so I could work on some english coursework, at 8:30, twenty minutes before lessons start. I didn't have any lessons for quite some time today so I figured I'd work on the coursework for a couple hours before then.
I haven't been up there long until another student, probably from the year below me, year 12, puts her laptop on the desk next to me and starts fiddling with the wires underneath the desk. She unplugs the school computer from the main socket and starts using it to charge her laptop instead. She just leaves it there and walks off, probably to go to her lesson. I never saw her come back and I was there for a solid two hours, although the laptop was gone after I came back from quick break.
It was a pretty expensive looking laptop, rose gold in colour, so I was pretty shocked that she just walked off, but I was also annoyed that she unplugged a school computer that someone else might need to use just to charge her laptop, which she could have done at home or some other time.
I ignored it, I'm not really a confrontational person, but I felt like unplugging it and moving it elsewhere. My friend suggested opening it up and trying to lock her out of her own laptop by messing around with the password but I felt that was a bit over the top. I suppose if people really needed to use the computer they could have moved it themselves or gone elsewhere but I felt it was pretty rude of her, especially when there are loads of other places she could have charged it, like the common room downstairs.
Would I be an asshole if I unplugged it if this happened again?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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WRONG
|
suJZp8JXAHOQMG9XIEdAV8KMhQcdRbFu
|
9uw48m
|
{
"description": "laughing at/contributing to dark humor jokes",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 31
}
|
AITA for laughing at/contributing to dark humor jokes?
|
I am a white female that attends a large public state university in the US. I’d like to clarify that i am 100% NOT racist. I do believe in equal rights and treating people fairly. That being said, i have a very broad humor and will laugh and enjoy almost any joke. But that does not make me racist.
Its starting to get colder outside so the university has cranked up the heat (thankfully) but, because of this- many of the buildings smell rather badly.
I get to class early one day and sit in my usual seat and my other (white) friend comes in and sits down next to me.
I say hey and we make some small talk and we talk about how the buildings all smell really bad
He says
“Yeah it legit smells like currie in the [dorm]”
And i go
“Damn... haha really? That bad? Must be those indian international students.. never heard of deoderant”
We both smile and move on with our conversation. And then this Asian chick turns around and asks us if we dont think we’re being insensitive to the majority of the students in the class who are infact indian.
This kindof raises our eyebrows and confuses us. I go on and tell her “no.. because im not racist. We dont actually believe what we say— its just a stereotype. Its only offensive if you get offended”
She told EVERYONE in our discussion group how “racist” we are and how she hates “privileged white people making racist jokes” blablabla. Terrible things are funny because theyre not funny.
And its not like we were talking to HER. She was listening in on our conversation and interjected it.
I dont regret the joke because i am not ashamed of my humor. Its dark humor, and an acquired taste.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
h5GMdxqdrWgg8Du4usxWYe7EAP3k1QuF
|
a0c9kp
|
{
"description": "leaving a depressed friend because I couldn't stand the constant pity",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for leaving a depressed friend because I couldn’t stand the constant pity
|
I had a great friendship but when self harm and threatening to commit suicide because their life is the “absolute worst” that’s where I draw the line.
I was moral support from day one and it obviously wasn’t getting through because the person felt like no one was there. Even though I was. There was no way that someone is going to follow through with that. I saw it as a calling for attention and a year later we are back as friends on the basis that emotions aren’t a topic anymore. AITA for calling out bs in a sensitive moment? Or was that just a farce?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
ME53Iypl1eO0gpGclPSZxPcCntL1FDhS
|
9vunno
|
{
"description": "not wanting to spend my leisure time helping my Dad Fix cars",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Not Wanting To Spend My Leisure Time Helping My Dad Fix Cars?
|
So, where to begin. So basically, I work a lot - part of the time is delivery work, and part of the time is other writing projects and game projects - I want to try and make it as a writer. Part of that work is writing emails to industry people. I've been taught to spend out a lot, to get out there and try to connect with people, but writing to people in say the television industry takes me some effort - to find emails, to cater the email to them, etc - and I have to write a lot. So I set myself up a reward system - if I do 40 emails in a five day week, I get to go out and go to the cinema and grab some food. This is where the trouble begins.
We get to today and I've just about managed my goal - but here's the problem with the reward system; I'm not sure I want to go eat and go to the cinema. I have a problem where I enjoy things less because I should be working in those times - which is part of the issue but also a side issue, I guess you'll decide later. Anyway, I have the problem that I don't feel like cinema, but the alternative (Buy a game to play) doesn't feel right - I should be getting out the house. So I talk to my dad. Annnnd... the conversation goes a little like this. Skipped to the important bit.
Rob: Maybe I should buy a cheap video game and play that.
Dad: That'd be a waste of time.
Rob: Right. That's the point.
Dad: Why don't you help me instead?
Rob: The point of the time is not to work.
Dad: So you don't want to help me?
Rob: I don't want to spend my reward time helping repair cars.
Dad: So you don't care?
Rob: I can help you out during the week if you want.
Dad: You're working during the week. So you're not going to spend time with me.
At this point I just ignored him and went back to the stuff I was working on. And since then (about an hour ago) I've been thoroughly pissed off, and yet...
There's some things to understand about this. By 'helping dad out' he means help fix the cars. Now, there's a lot of history behind this, the crux of which is this - dad has some four cars, all in disrepair and all 'projects' for my dad. This includes a gypsy caravan, a stag triumph with the roof leaking, a car which was recently repainted and restored to a basic paint shell for a STAGGERING amount of money - which has sat there since without . He's close to a hoarder, only I don't call him that because I've seen what true hoarding looks like. And the garage roughly reflects that - everything is everywhere and it's a fucking mess. After I personally cleaned out the last bombshell garage. That's another story though.
Again, lots of painful history with the garage. I mean I would spend free time with dad, but I'm extremely reluctant to help repair the cars anytime, let alone in my reward time. I know nothings ever going to be finished, I don't know what I'm doing and I don't like repairing cars - I'd rather be doing many other things. Maybe I would be more willing if he was making progress himself, if he was doing much of anything himself. But I see no progress - many of these cars have been here for over a decade. I live in a perfectly nice house with engine bits all over the garden. Suffice to say I'm not my dad's biggest fan. There's a lot of backstory stuff and sometimes I wonder if he's a narcissist. But then he's alone most of the day and struggles to do much with his day thanks to sleep problems, knee problems, back problems etc.
So, there you go. If you've got any questions feel free to ask. Really I just want to be able to talk to someone about it all.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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il0wUwYHhGjTCS6VRXbcMq0lFrGc57sR
|
ax8wd2
|
{
"description": "not wanting anything with my ex bf",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting anything with my ex bf?
|
When my mother found out I was very lonely, she sent me to a new school. There, I (14F) met my best friend (14F). We really hit it off.
I was pretty ugly so dating was new to me (by that time, 15F). So I dated this guy (16M) who was my first kiss. I got tired of him and I kindly called it quits. I had to keep seeing him because we had English classes together.
He kept texting me. I didn't want to talk to him, neither to break his heart. Once, he even sent a 10 minute recording of him crying. I ended up not being able to feel anything for him.
One month after our breakup, I met another guy. I had planned to tell him about my new boyfriend (which is not completely necessary, although the less asshole option) the next time I saw him, but before that he saw a pic of us kissing.
Again, he sent recordings and pictures of him crying. I put on with this for some days, but then I saw he was too toxic. But due to my personality, I couldn't get rid of him. So I gave him my best friend's(15F) number, as she had a history of dealing with stupid guys (which she did in a fantastic way). Now, I know it was very stupid of me.
I expected her to get rid of him for me, but I know how I was and why I did it, so I excuse myself.
Now, this guy approached me after class and told me he wanted to date my friend and asked for my permission. My friend had led me to believe (and I may be wrong here, because you know, that's what I wanted to believe) she just wanted to play with him.
Six months later, in her birthday, we were having a good time when my ex showed up. I could barely breathe. I left early.
School started and I didn't feel the same magic between us. I didn't want to acknowledge it. On the other hand, she would give me hints about she wanting to kiss me.
So I decided to make a move on her and invited her to hang out (we barely hung out outside of school). At the time of our meeting, she sent me a recording. Laughing the whole time. "He passed by my house, now we are going to his place". I felt like she had played on me. She hurted me so deeply.
I did some research in social media. They had been dating for seven months.
When I saw her in school, looking at her face hurted. I didn't talk to her.
She used this to leave our group because she knew we disliked her boyfriend. She grabbed her stuff and left. I thought "I hope he is enough for you now". I was so sad I went to the toilet to cry. One of our friends came after me and said my ex best friend would come back when they broke up.
She did. One year later, she apologized. I'm not going to trust her again.
We hung out with some friends some weeks ago. We got drunk and she shared intimate details of their past relationship.
Though I'm cool with how she lives her life (and it's not like my opinion matters), I can't be friends with her, it makes me uncomfortable. Let alone have some kind of affair, which I know she wants. There is a huge experience gap.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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4x7BQtX4UT78Dtp8TmgRR3Mxvr4SjNNn
|
b3t6hj
|
{
"description": "breaking things off",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking things off?
|
Background: I'm 18 M and I met this girl at a party of a mutual friend (18 F). Come to find out we work at the same place so get to talking and make out a few times, whatever typical party stuff. We end up talking for a couple months and spending time together on breaks and outside of work.
Fast forward a few weeks and I'm not sure how I'm feeling about it. I tell her one night via phone call I don't want to continue talking they way we were because it seems like we're different people and want very separate things from a relationship. For example; I want a stable longer term and in her words she wants an "exciting fling".
I knew she smoked and drank and it didn't bother me but the last couple of weeks we were talking she got really really heavily involved and that got to me because it was almost everyday. I tell her this bothers me and the result is not good.
A few nights after I break things off I get a Snapchat from her which isn't really a big deal but it turns out to be over 80 videos of her ranting I dropped her out of nowhere and addressing details about previous relationships of mine as well as some very personal details I gave about past abuse. She said something along the lines of "no wonder that happened to you because you're a shitty person" etc.,
I haven't and have refused to start any dialogue calling her a bad person or insulting her character but she still directs social media posts towards me. I've also gotten texts from her friends calling me names and stuff.
Tldr;
I break things off with a girl I met and in trying to be respectful towards her, I get called names and borderline harassed by her friends. I feel bad for breaking it off but don't know if IMTA.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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SKpGIHCjbG4mW3Tjnxa96K1Oswtha7W5
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ans9pf
| null |
AITA in this child custody dispute
|
Okay. This is a long one so I'll try to trim as much fat as I can. I have an 8 year old son. My son's father and I met in 2010 and about a month into hanging out, I got pregnant. We weren't official and I was 21 and scared so I decided I would have the baby alone. About 8 months into my pregnancy I was hormonal and scared and reached out to him about the pregnancy. We decided to try and do it together because we thought that's what you had to do. I feel that I need to mention that when I reached out to him, he was really bad into coke and I had to encourage him to attend meetings and even went to them with him for support until I had our son.
After our son was born, his father became extremely obsessive over me and what I was doing and became emotionally and physically abusive. At one point, my son was 9 months old and was sick for the first time. His father wanted to leave and hang out with a friend. I was laying in bed with our infant son and asked him to please stay because he was sick. He then got in my face while i was lying with out son and when I put my arm up to keep his yelling away, he grabbed my arm so hard and threw it back down on the bed. All while my son is in my other arm. That's the day i ended it with him.
Since I ended our relationship, he has been a nightmare in my life. It started with him being constantly drunk when I would need to drop off our son so i could go to work. Then it turned to Xanax. At that point I started having my parents watch my son so I could work. It was at this point he attempted to kidnap my son from their house while i was working. It didn't work and I was able to get there in enough time to get stop him from taking him. The cops were called by my parents because he pushed my mother to the ground.
Three years ago i was able to take him to court and was awarded full physical custody and we share legal custody. That means that I have to tell him where he goes to school, if he goes go the doctor, ect. Since going to court, he has threatened to fight my fiance (I've been with him for 6 years), told me to kill myself in front of our son, moved to California twice (we live in Missouri). The first time for two years and the second for a whole summer in 2018. He's easily gone 5+ months at a time without speaking to me about our son, and has had two different relationships with women who have kids and had taken on the role of stepdad to them. Even going as far as paying for their school clothes. He hasn't paid child support except for when he has to so he won't go to jail. He's on probation for non support. And he is currently in NA.
Last week he entered in a relationship with a woman ten years older than him with a record of vehicle theft and meth possession (yes I looked her up). Now he's telling me that I'm keeping him from his son, more than likely to impress his new girlfriend. He hasn't spoken to me since December 26th. He asked to see him and I said he could the following week. He never responded and never contacted me after that until today to tell me he's going to file a motion against me so he can see his son.
The first time we went to court i was advised by my lawyer to document everything. Which I have done. I have threatening phone calls, text messages, videos from our security cameras. My son has been seeing a counselor my lawyer referred us to. I have all the proof I'd ever need that shows he's unfit. But when he threatens to take me to court (this isn't the first time) it always worries me. Please tell me I'm not the asshole in this. All I've ever tried to do was do my best by my son. I put my whole life on hold the moment I found out about him and I've always been here. I've busted my ass to provide for him and my fiance has done more than anyone would ever expect for him to do as his step dad.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
YsrYJPkDyIra5ryKoUyGDcg7xU1zWMg6
|
b3k5l9
|
{
"description": "taking an unvaccinated child to a friends birthday when she asked for no unvaccinated people",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 226
}
|
AITA for taking an unvaccinated child to a friends birthday when she asked for no unvaccinated people?
|
Ok so here’s the thing. My friends daughter is unvaccinated, it’s her choice and I respect that, and also it’s not the daughters fault. So the daughter was staying with us at the weekend because her parents suddenly had to go away and one of my daughters school friends had a party on Saturday. The mother of the child’s who’s party it was had asked that no one unvaccinated come because she was worried for her Newborn baby after the recent measles outbreak. I asked the mom if my daughters friend could come to the party with her as we were looking after her and she said that was fine. I didn’t mention she was unvaccinated. It didn’t really even come to my mind until just before we were leaving and I looked at the invitation again, I decided to ignore it and take her anyone. The child is very healthy and had no signs of illness. We got to the party and everything was fine until about an hour into it and the mother asks to speak to me. One of the other moms who knew the little girl who was with us knew that her mom was anti vaccine. So she asked me if the child was vaccinated and I said I wasn’t sure. She asked me to find out for sure so I pretended to text her mom and then I told the mother that she wasn’t vaccinated. She asked us to leave and now she’s very angry at me for bringing her. My daughter and his little girl were very confused at why we had to leave and honestly I think she made a massive deal out of nothing.
Was I the asshole or was she? Would you have done the same in my situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
WBxGTxY49afzQ6DQKLKLafJrd9iyZ5g8
|
ar4k3x
|
{
"description": "asking my neighbours in a not very polite way to turn the music off",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking my neighbours in a not very polite way to turn the music off?
|
I have neighbours that have been playing loud music every weekend until 4 am for the past 5 weeks. It is very annoying, but I try to cope with it with my earplugs. They block out some of the sound, but the heavy beat is still there. I haven't talked to the neighbours for several reasons: 1) I'm introverted and shy and find it very difficult; 2) Every time this happened, I thought it was the last time (like, how inconsiderate can one be to do this every single Friday and Saturday?); 3) I hate conflicts and I was afraid it would happen if I confronted a bunch of drunk people; 4) I'm moving out from this place very soon anyways.
So, this time they played it until midnight and then I saw them leaving. I thought I could have a nice and quiet time! I have been struggling with falling asleep recently. I finally fell asleep around 3 am and at 3.20 this motherfuckers came back and blasted some heavy beat rap. I jumped up from bed like a freak, my heart was beating maybe up to 200 times a minute and I was all shaking. I grabbed my robe, ran to the kitchen, opened the window and rang their doorbell (yea that's the way flats are arranged). Initially I was planning to talk to them politely, but once the guy came out, I was super mad and shaking. He knew immediately what I wanted and asked "should I turn the music down?" I said YEA THE WALLS ARE SO THIN HERE, IT'S BEEN 5 WEEKS IN A ROW, IT IS VERY ANNOYING! in a rude and angry tone. Especially emphasized on the word "annoying". He said they would turn it off entirely and apologized politely. I slammed the window in his face and returned to my bed.
I kinda don't regret talking to them in that way because they have been plaguing my life for weeks now, but I feel little bit like an asshole for almost shouting them without any notice. I haven't asked them to turn it off or down for 5 weeks. AITA? They are definitely assholes in my eyes. The question is, am I too?
|
HISTORICAL
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XRrranmiJeqE2m3GuqLT0n199QBSTpJB
|
9uvpd1
| null |
AITA If a friend of a friend got mad at me for hanging out with them
|
Me and this other person, let's call him Josh used to be best friends from grade 5-8. Josh and I stopped being friends near the start of high school, he started talking to new people and old people that I also knew. Josh had a really good relationship with one person I didn't know very well let's call him Alex. They were really close to eachother and we basically best friends. Me and Josh haven't talked or hung out over 5-ish months (over the summer and first month's of high school so our friendship was kind of falling apart.(
So one day I was just playing some video games and I see Josh playing a game I also play on my friends list and I message him to see if he wanted to talk. He replies and said he's down to voice call. So we started talking again for a few couple days and hung out. He hasn't talked to any of his friends much because we talked basically every for 5 hours a day. The next week I get some calls from an unknown number and I decline them. Whoever kept calling me didn't stop so I eventually pick up. It's Alex. He tells me that I "stole his best friend" because Josh hasn't talked to him for a week. I tell him we're just being friends and he starts talking shit about how he'll beat me up if I don't stop talking to Josh. I tell him to fuck himself and hang up.
AITA for hanging out with him too much?
Tldr: Old friend and I hang out for a week and his best friend gets mad at me for "stealing his best friend".
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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QvqXJVNFFOZsrAWPF21YZ0Zla4tUm7j4
|
anvuik
|
{
"description": "getting angry and getting kicked out of my gaming club",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting angry and getting kicked out of my gaming club?
|
This is gonna be long and sound stupidly petty. There's your upfront warning so you can click away if you don't want to read about a bunch of gaming bullshit. It matters a lot to me and my friends but I get that it won't seem important to some other people.
So I joined this gaming club back in December and thought they were great people. The last team I was on were kind of assholes about my skill level, and I was super happy to be on a new team that seemed full of kind people. It was also a lot more gender diverse than my last team - which means no getting snide comments over sounding like a girl.
I made friends with these people and cared about them. In one instance I stayed up half the night trying to help a teammate who was psychotic while he threatened to kill me. I spent my own money on a game for another teammate so he could play it with me. I always made myself available to practice with people and help them out. Basically, this was an actual friendship group around a game, not just some randos to compete with.
I joined as a "flex" player meaning I was supposed to fill in for whatever was needed for the group's activities, but with a promise that when a slot came open on the A team, I would get that slot.
Not long after joining, because the team was in desperate need of more people who played a particular role, I started learning it. I discovered I was GOOD at it. I'd previously mostly done a different role, but playing this role instead made me feel excited about my hobby again. Not only was I better at it, and it seemed to fit my natural skills more, but I felt like there was so much more possibility to improve since I knew exactly what I needed to learn. The team nevertheless went ahead and recruited someone else to handle that role, which was fine since I wasn't that good at it yet.
We had team practices regularly where we were supposed to learn and get better together. I got a LOT of negative feedback in my new role, and after getting bullied in my previous team over my skill level, I just wasn't really in a place to handle it. It seemed like almost every time we lost a fight, I'd be blamed, or told I was "feeding" (basically doing something so stupid that it helps the enemy), even when it WASN'T my fault. The team asked if I could handle criticism and I said yes, but most of the time I wasn't getting helpful notes about what I could do better - just being told the same unhelpful things over and over. We had one coach who had a lot of helpful tips, but he wasn't able to be there very often.
Meanwhile, when I went outside the club and played with other folks, they were really impressed at how ridiculously fast I was learning the new role. I played as a sub, or in friendly informal matches, with teams WAY above the rank of me and mine, and did well. So I just chalked it up to our team's coach maybe being overly critical, playing favourites, or failing to update her opinions after seeing my beginner performance.
I offered to make time to practice coordinating with some other people, but they never really got back to me about it, even after saying repeatedly that they would.
We had a big match as a team, which basically determined if we would stay in our tournament, and which I was super excited about because the matches are streamed/commentated and some of my friends watch me play. I was REALLY committed to practice before the match, and probably put in more work than anyone else. Then on the day of the match, they left me on the bench until the very last game - when we had already lost enough points that it did not matter, and it was just a show match at that point.
I didn't really complain at that point though, as I was just relieved to have been allowed to play at all after how quickly I had picked up a new role.
Some time after this, though, I figured out the reason why it seemed like only some of the people ever practiced and played with me. The management's clique basically had secret extra accounts and played in a secret voice chat, hidden from the rest of us, so we wouldn't be able to ask to join in. I only realised after someone hinted about it in the general chat, saying there would be team activities later for some people, "you know who you are", nod wink. After I confronted the team captain about it, she said that she had trust issues and did not want to be guilted into playing competitively with people who aren't as good as her and would cause her to lose.
At this point I was just confused about, if they thought I was such a bad player and didn't trust me or want to hang out, I was still technically a member of the club/team. Everyone I asked about it verbally reassured me that they thought I was great, saw potential, loved me and wanted me around... but the behaviour didn't change.
Some time after this, the team started trying out new players. One of my good friends tried out for the team, and I really threw my weight behind advocating for the friend. It wasn't just that I wanted to be able to hang out with them, but I genuinely thought they would be a great fit for the team. They were on the same team I used to be on and I sort of felt a responsibility to "rescue" them from the kinda bullying atmosphere there.
The management rejected my friend, and instead brought on an old friend of one of our coaches, who played the same role as me. It was clear that he'd be playing that role in team activities and matches, meaning I would get to play much less. I made it clear as politely as I could that I was pretty hurt by this - both that I had been ignored about my friend, and that I was being replaced. I was reassured that the team still really valued/wanted me, and the new player was a replacement for the other guy, and my role wouldn't change. I still felt as though there was an element of cliqueyness/favouritism, with how the coach's old friend had been prioritised, but I decided to let it go. I kept just putting work in to improve my own game.
But definitely after that I was pretty hurt, and discussed the fact I was hurt by venting to someone who then told the entire management basically about all the stuff I'd assumed would be kept private.
Time went by and basically nothing changed - people ignored me, the clique hid in their secret chat, I got told off at practice for the smallest mistakes, and I was not getting the play time I wanted. But I kept asking, and the staff (particularly the team captain) kept reassuring me that they wanted to be my friends and wanted me on the team.
One of the assistant coaches, the B roster coach, told me that I would be the first priority, A roster, player for my role if I beat the other guy in internal matches. I did, consistently. I've since learned that he basically did not have the authority to make that promise.
I was done getting blamed, so I started saying stuff back. Nothing that seemed toxic to me, but if someone angrily told me that I had done something wrong, if I disagreed I would just say, "yes, I know we weren't coordinated there, but I communicated clearly what I was doing and I don't know what else I can do", or "yes I know I died because I was alone, but I needed you guys to come to me, I couldn't come to you in that situation".
After one team night, the management dragged me into a chat with the 5 of them and me, and basically told me I was getting a warning for being toxic. I was shocked, and couldn't think of what I said, so I asked, again as politely as I could, what I had said that was hurtful so I could fix my behaviour. Our coach could not tell me. She went off on a rant about how I had been unacceptably angry, "had my claws out" (whatever that means), accused me of tearing into another player, etc, and I just asked her WHAT EXACTLY I HAD SAID. She couldn't tell me. At first she claimed she couldn't remember but it was right after she told us to stop arguing. I remembered exactly what had been said at that moment - the B roster's captain had criticised me for making a play without giving him sufficient up front communication, and I said that I couldn't have given him much more because I had a small window to pull it off in. Nothing toxic, just basically asking him to stop blaming/criticising me mid-match. Our coach just mumbled something about how maybe it wasn't what I said but the way I said it, then we dropped it... after she basically threatened to kick me off the team.
In private I mentioned to a couple of my friends that I thought that was pretty unfair.
I also said something to the nicer coach about how I really appreciated all his help, but was frustrated at the head coach for saying stuff to me without thinking constantly. I said I recognised she was really trying and was often trying to solo coach the entire team, but I would just rather she say nothing at all than say things that just frustrated me. He ended up not replying.
The next few games after that, this same guy who'd accused me of being toxic (B roster coach) was ON MY CASE. Like the whole time he couldn't shut up about how badly I was playing. After every incident I asked the staff to talk to him about it, and they said it was handled, but then he'd act the same way in the next game.
Kept asking if the team was suuure they actually wanted me around. Everyone was like yeah definitely we want to be your friends.
The team captain said she had come up with an idea to help resolve the situation. I had been asking for more official practice time, basically so I could learn to coordinate better with these people and they would stop thinking I'm a bad player, and so everyone could be included rather than having the cliquey bullshit. The staff said they were too stressed and busy to organise any more events or activities, so I made it clear I would be happy to do so. They gave me a role as eve
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
|
71RfPPpD1JrPoHrT0WI7EPT5rVhxwVTS
|
aec8dd
|
{
"description": "telling my mother she's arrogant for praying for me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for telling my mother she’s arrogant for praying for me?
|
On Monday I woke up at 5:30 AM and noticed my phone was not charging. Immediately went to go see if my charger was plugged in, and smelt something burning. Turns out, my charger was melting and my pillow was smoking, which I assume means I was minutes away from a devastating electrical fire. All is well, and the situation was handled.
My mother happened to text me later in the day and asked me how I’m doing. I said well, and then told her about what happened to me. She said that she’s glad I’m okay, and followed up with several questions about what I’m going to do about the situation (alert my building/landlord, charge my phone elsewhere, etc.).
After we had settled those things l, I communicated to her that I felt lucky and that I must have good karma. She followed it up with, “that, and I pray for you everyday 😘”
Now, for a bit of back story. She raised me catholic, and both of us have hit a series of crossroads with our faith. I’m soon to be 24, and have decided over the past 2 years that I’m definitely an atheist. Being raised in that environment, it always seemed like I could never mention that, so I attended church silently and never said anything about it despite my deep down feeling that it’s all bullshit.
She got remarried in 2010, and is incredibly involved in her church community. She is no longer Catholic, she just “reads her bible and tries to love people.”
She’s aware that I think religion is crap, however she refuses to have a conversation with me about it. Despite these facts, she continues to drop off comments like the one above, which I interpret as a deliberate attempt to have me force the conversation.
Well, I wasn’t in a very good mood so I replied and told her that in a religion where being humble and modest are virtues, it’s incredibly arrogant to think that **your** prayers saved my ass from being turnt to ashes, as well as communicating that I can tell it bothers her that I don’t believe in God.
Needless to say, it didn’t go over that well and she didn’t reply to me after I accused her of trying to bait me into a conversation about it endlessly.
Reddit, do I need to apologize, and AITA for calling her arrogant?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
|
PZMTbvArf90Tn0pA5j4iBr8GWFtY9cWY
|
aghzb3
|
{
"description": "telling on a cheater",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for telling on a cheater?
|
Okay. So.
I recently got back in touch with this guy who went to middle school with me. While messaging him, he told me a lot about how he would procure nudes from and have explicit conversations with hismale friends because his gf refused to have sex with him (he even sent me some of the nudes despite my protests). He also talks a lot about how depressed he is and how he's "one bad day" away from committing suicide. The only reason I haven't told her already is because I'm concerned about him committing suicide. WIBTA for telling her despite the risk to him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
RFVut7jf8mmYYBEBBW6AGjGyDrYn70W4
|
aj271m
|
{
"description": "cancelling my trip to China for new years with GF",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for cancelling my trip to China for new years with GF?
|
Hi everyone, a few weeks ago my girlfriend invited me to return with her to China to meet her parents during Chinese New year. Her work visa is expiring and she's leaving Amazon as a data analyst in Boston, and invited me to join her for 10 days.
I'm working on a startup company and don't have any savings left, only about $500 in the bank. I already have $50k+ in student loans and credit cards to pay off, and taking vacations is definitely not in the budget anytime soon. I work as an Uber driver, but also just started a 3rd shift security position. She's always thought that my company is a waste of time, and I should begin a "real career". Some months I had to borrow money from friends just to pay my bills, and she knows this.
When I told her I didn't want to go because of the cost (she says it's only $500, but it's closer to $1500 due to lost wages, visa costs, etc), she accused me of not caring enough about her, that I'm not creative enough to find the money, and that if I don't go either her, she'll break up with me. We live together and I didn't want to move back in with family outside the city, so I said I would find a way.
I did end up finding a way to pay for the tickets, an air currier service called AirMule where they pay you $600 round trip for your checked bag space, which payed for the cost of both our tickets. She put the money down for them, because I couldn't afford my own ticket.
But today I took a 4-hour bus ride to NYC to get a Visa, and it's going to cost another $250 to get it approved and mailed back to me. The truth is, I'd rather break up with her and work those 10 days to pay off my debts, but our flight tickets are non-refundable (no insurance).
I don't want to pay her back the $600 ticket costs for a trip I didn't really want to go on. AITA if I break up with her and don't pay for the flight tickets? Should I just go anyway?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
Tyi3Ld1gRQ7ywniQAlLaaMSMFrMM9KU6
|
ajmqjl
|
{
"description": "searching through my boyfriends' mother's phone",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for searching through my boyfriends' mother's phone?
|
So I have been with this guy for 4 years now. Needless to say he is a total narcissist sociopath. Besides all the other dumb shit, there's one part that bothers me more than anything else. He has kept a "friend" of his hidden from me our entire relationship. He knew her before meeting me, but has always sweared up and down she is nothing more than a friend. She is a 40 some year old doctor about an hour an a half away from us. Long story short, he has countless times went to her house, including Christmas Day two years in a row of our relationship. One year even hand refinished an entire bedroom set for her for a Christmas present. Has many of times went there behind my back lying to do "only work on her house to pay back debts". (He owns a construction company thanks to her buying him a $20k Dodge Ram, cell phone plans, and giving him several credit cards to personally use on anything). Basically gives me some bullsh!+ about why he always goes there and basically justifies it in his mind so me being upset is almost pointless unless I want to fight a war I'm going to lose. Also have found texts back and forth saying "baby, honey, I love you, etc.".
So leap forward to where my question comes into play. The latest scheme I came across was a few months ago when he dropped me off at a job we had (I'm the lead painter at his company since I cant work elsewhere). He said he was going to work for some guy off Craigslist about 40 minutes away that day. He calls me a few hours later saying his car died over where he was working. Me not having my car that day couldn't go get him. He said he would have to find a way and call me later. Ends up having his mom go pick him up later in the day and they come get me. Afterwards, his story didn't sound legit about where the car was (apparently some dude he just met off CL to work for was so gracious to pay to have his car towed to his house nearby and keep it there until my boyfriend could come get it). I knew he was lying as he will not leave my side unless he goes to her house.
In the past I had many of times opened up to his mom when I needed someone to listen to me or hear my side of a story, and she always reassured me he doesn't want the other woman or she would side with me claiming to not understand his ways but always reassured me that she would "never lie to any of his girlfriend's or cover up for him". This time, however I was damn sure he was at her house yet again but I began to grow suspicious of his mom. I asked her first where he was at when she had to go pick him up; see how close their stories matched. Hers was a bit off from where he claimed to be (she said he was on the highway in our County and he said he was going for a drink on break in the next County over where he was "working").
So as habit goes, he goes from seeing her a few days to disappearing out of her for a few months before continuing his bs with her. After the day his car broke down he stopped obviously going to see her and there were no traces of her being in his life at the moment (he tends to drop her periodically after sucking her financially dry). Having known his mom has talked to this woman before, I felt this overwhelming need to look at her phone as his phone was really messed up (being able to receive calls or texts) and I knew this other woman wouldn't be able to contact him so she was probably upset trying to figure out what was happening.
Anyways, I ended up looking through his mom's texts on her phone. I found what I truly didn't expect: She had actually contacted the other woman in the first place via text! She was apologizing for her son's phone as it was broken and he couldn't reach anyone. Also how he truly wanted her and wants to "work on his relationship with her". The other woman went on saying how much she truly loved him and how was an amazing and kindhearted man but she couldn't deal with the back and forth he did to her over the last 4 years. So much more I took screenshots of it all. It left me speechless and shaking for over 30 minutes. I had to act like all was fine as her and I were out at the store.
I went hunting for the truth and would never have believed his mom was the one trying to make it work between them! I live with them both and leaves me with no way out!
So, AITA for searching through his mother's phone in search of her lies?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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N8qqH1eh2D1u5i9mUZ0CmB1MFERzeSAI
|
b418s0
|
{
"description": "not wanting the heat turned on when it's not cold",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting the heat turned on when it's not cold?
|
We're working in a shared office space and I'm no stranger to compromise. They recently redid the cubes so they are a bit smaller and there are 12-15 of us depending on how you look at it. Three of the cubicles are along one wall with windows and the people with the most seniority got to pick those. Those people are always getting cold and it may or may not be because it's colder over there. There is some problem with space heaters where they have been disallowed. When I get too hot I turn a fan on but this only makes me slightly less hot. During the winter it is understandable we are utilizing the heat but now it is spring and everywhere is usually room temperature.
When the heat kicked on around noon today I asked for the heat to go off in a number of ways but I was "outvoted". Eventually I indicated to my boss what seemed a reasonable expectation at the time. 'If the thermostat is set to 68 and people are cold then either the thermostat is broken or those people have a personal problem that should be solved with coats and blankets.'
I feel like it isn't fair for me to be forced to work where I am uncomfortable and I feel the animalistic desperation of being trapped in a cage when I am forced work in a hot room. I feel as though my agency has been compromised and I am very tempted to raise all hell until the heat is locked up at 68 and they throw away the key. As I reflect in the problem I empathize with these people who are cold and can't have space heaters and I'm sad to be in this desperate 'them or me' situation.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
6V2h0wZOsdWODEw88hc0k4kPOCOQx2Mw
|
b7i0bu
|
{
"description": "not wanting my smelly father to stay with me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my smelly father to stay with me?
|
My dad lives abroad and has some newfound flexibility with his work schedule as he nears retirement. He wants to start spending more time with me, my brother, and his grandkids, which would be great... expect for his personal hygiene issues. There is no underlying psychological issue causing this but he refuses to shower, put on deodorant, and wash his clothes regularly. He is in his 60s and is physically and psychologically able to follow these social norms.
This was a big factor in my parent’s divorce and I had to send an email to him while he was staying with me and my husband telling him he needed to take care of his personal hygiene while staying with us. He said he would and then did the exact opposite for the rest of the trip. It was so bad my husband was making excuses to leave the house or hide in our bedroom.
My husband and I are in the market for a new house that will likely include extra bedrooms. He offered extra money for the down payment if we found a house with a finished basement/in-law apartment type set up. AITA for refusing this money and not even agreeing to let him stay with us?
TLDR: My dad stinks and wants to stay with me for extended family visits. Can I say no?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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