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{
"description": "wanting my sister to return the Christmas present she got me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting my sister to return the Christmas present she got me?
|
To give everything a frame of reference, my sister is 2 years older than me. She is currently 27, and i am currently 25.
Growing up my whole childhood, my sister and I have never gotten along. We would fight often, mostly because (according to what she's told my parents) she's been jealous of me her whole life. I have never been able to understand why she is so jealous of me.
Here's a little background about my childhood:
* I've had relatively serious medical problems ever since I was young. As a child, my bottom jaw grew in 2x as fast as my top jaw, causing all sorts of dental problems. Because of this, I was teased all throughout elementary and half of middle school, constantly being told i look like a monkey. (For reference, I'm white, so it wasn't a racially charged insult, just kids being assholes) Who was the chief instigator of all of my teasing and insults? My sister. She would constantly call me a monkey, which lead to all the bully kids in school picking it up, and only calling me that.
* I've always been smart, to the point where i graduated second in my class in high school and held a 4.0 gpa my first year of college (until i got depressed and became just an average C student). By 2nd grade, when all my classmates were learning to add/subtract, i would be doing my sister's multiplication/division homework at night for fun. This also lead to me being teased, once again led by my sister. She would refer to me as Jimmy Neutron (first name is James) in a condescending manner and any time I would try to talk about anything science related, she would hum the theme song because she knew i disliked the show and it would make me mad.
* In high school, I got jaw surgery to correct my problems and in turn it made me significantly more attractive (so i've been told, i still don't see myself as attractive). And since then, the comments switched from looking like a monkey, to how its unfair how i got all the good looks in the family. (which i don't understand. i literally had to have surgery to correct a deformity. how is that natural good looks?)
Here's a little background about my sister's childhood:
* Growing up, my sister was allowed to get involved in any and every activity she wanted. She did horseback riding, gymnastics, ice skating, all at a relatively competitive level. My parents went so far as to buy her a horse so that she could practice more constantly. All this time, while i was a young kid, i was dragged to every single event, every single practice, every single meet. Each time, never having anyone but my gameboy/the arcade games at the rinks to play with. Which is a HUGE source of the social anxiety i deal with today.
* She has struggled her whole life to maintain friendships, constantly flying off the deep end at people for no reason. For this reason, she had a new friend group like every 2 months growing up.
* Despite my parents doing/giving her everything, my sister still turned out to be a nightmare. At 15, she had her first of several abortions. At 17, she started using hard drugs (coke). At 18, she moved out of my parents house, into quite literally a crack house, just to spite my parents. At 19, she had her first of 2 kids with 2 separate fathers. (and for the record is no longer with either of them)
* Also at 17, she became such a loose cannon that one night, she became so belligerent and violent and aggressive, that my parents asked me to call 911 while they restrained her so that she could be 302-ed (admitted against your will to a psych ward/rehab facility). Because i was the one who called, while she was being taken from the house, she looked me dead in the eyes and told me that i was a soulless monster and that she would make sure i suffer forever for forcing this on her and then spat on me. She decided in her mind that i was the one who decided to 302 her, not my parents. I understand she was on drugs, and doesn't remember/didn't mean what she said, but that doesn't make it easy to forget...
* She has 2 kids with 2 separate fathers, and is no longer on speaking terms with either of them. My niece and nephew however, i hold no ill will towards and every chance i get, i go out of my way to spoil them to the extreme.
* Part of my medical problems allowed me to be approved as a medical marijuana patient at a young age. Because of this, despite my position always being a firm, hard NO, she forever asks me if i'd be willing to buy her weed. She since evolved into asking me for money for diapers/food/etc for her kids, which immediately stopped once i found out she was using the money i was giving her to buy weed.
When i turned 18, i decided to shut her out of my life until she could prove that she had changed for the better. About 4 years ago, my mom begged and pleaded with me to reconcile with my sister, swearing up and down that my sister had changed, was on medication for her obvious bipolar issues, and was in a stable relationship. So, against my better judgment, I rekindled my relationship with my sister. Everything was going swimmingly, to the point where, at one point when i lost my job in another state, she let me stay with her for several weeks until i could work up the courage to talk to my parents about it. (my dumbass got fired from my dream job with insane pay and perks for breaching contract cuz i was a dumbass fresh outta college). She even set me up with one of her friend's sisters and we dated for about 2 months. Until...
Out of nowhere, my then-gf called me flipping out, calling me every name under the sun, with her reasoning being that my sister sent her a text conversation that "happened between me and my sister" where i allegedly told my sister how i had no interest in my then girlfriend and (this is a direct quote, i can't make it up) that i was "only using her as a cum dumpster until i could find someone more attractive". I have never once talked about anyone that way in my life, not even to my male friends in private as a joke. That's just not me. But my sister fabricated the entire conversation and convinced my then-gf that i wrote all that, and nothing i could do/say/show her would convince her otherwise. Now why did my sister do this you ask? Because i didn't put the stick in the backdoor after going outside to smoke and then leaving and going over a friends house, despite the fact that her AND her boyfriend were both home and likely went out shortly after me to smoke as well. Ruined one of the best relationships I've ever been in, all because i didn't put the stick in the door (which by the way, it was extremely common for her to be the last one home, leave the house, and leave the stick out of the door).
So, after that, I decided enough was enough, and i cut off ties with her completely, with no intention of ever rekindling the relationship, unless i see SERIOUS LONG TERM change. This was fine for the last 3 years, as I lived out of state and was easily able to avoid her/have minimal contact with her at family events. We even made an agreement (mainly because she has no money) not to buy each other Christmas gifts. This arrangement worked out perfectly, until this year, I was diagnosed with an incurable autoimmune disease. It's not serious and won't directly be my downfall, but one of the side effects is that (even with using a c-pap machine) i could stop breathing in the middle of the night and essentially suffocate myself in my sleep. So, because of this, I have a service dog that is trained to try and wake me in the middle of the night if i stop breathing, but he is also trained to enlist someone else's help if he alone can't get me up. Therefore, for my own safety, I can't live alone anymore. This caused me to have to move back in to my parents house until i can get to a stable situation where i can live on my own with a rommate/gf.
My mom, being the extreme pacifist she's always been, has been constantly pushing on me to rekindle my relationship with my sister, so that we can be one happy family. She even went so far as to give my sister money this year so that she could buy me a present in the hopes of using it as a peace offering. (I know she did this, despite my mom insisting my sister spent her own money on it, because my dad told me this was the case). And now my mom is telling me that i need to buy my sister a gift in order to be polite, since she is getting me one.
Am i an asshole for not wanting the gift from my sister, and at the same time not wanting to buy her any gifts? It feels like a fake/hollow attempt to throw a rug over a hole in the ground and expect like thats gonna somehow fix the problem. For the record, in the last 3 years, i have seen NO improvement whatsoever in my sister. She is still jumping from bed to bed to bed (she has a new boyfriend every single time i see her at family gatherings), makes no effort to consistently stay on her medication, and has just generally done nothing significant to make herself a better person. I don't hate my sister, and at the end of the day I only want her to succeed and turn her life around, but at the moment i just feel empty towards her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
HRePcfquTIwK9q2J9SZgpEfjAhCt5YkM
|
ab1hds
|
{
"description": "I got banning from the NoStupidQuestions sub over a Michelle Obama quip",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA, I got banned from the NoStupidQuestions sub over a Michelle Obama quip
|
The question was something like 'what would a future same-sex spouse of a president be referred to?' (Obviously, calling them the First Man or First Lady wouldn't make sense b/c the president is the same sex.) I responded, 'Well, we already referred to Michael Obama as the first lady." The comment wasn't merely deleted, or me suspended, I was permanently banned, even with no prior negative history. Personally, I think the PC Snowflake generation is hyper-sensitive and that folks on the left are prone to authoritarianism anytime they get any authority whatsoever, but maybe I am the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
d9nf0RS9mtlhOwnAkwFaGLmoW0Gzwcio
|
a5o2t7
|
{
"description": "getting this guy towed",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for getting this guy towed?
|
I'm a recent grad who lives in an apartment with other uni students and I pay to park my car in the garage. The spots are small and there are columns everywhere like most uni garages.
​
description of my spot: To the right side of my spot on the line there is a column, to the left another free spot, then the wall.
​
This dude has parked in my spot a couple times, but I left a note and he moved. I come back and he moved to the spot on the left of me and I know 100% he doesn't pay to park. I know I don't own that spot too, but I picked my spot because I knew no one was going to be to my left and I want to enjoy it for as long as I can.
**WIBTA** if I leave another note on his car and pursue to get him fined/towed?
Lemme also note a spot is **$145 a month**. Shit is not cheap, and this guy is driving a new Audi A4. He's also an international student who has a shit ton of foreign government money to go to school here. It's driving me nuts that I'm paying that much to park and I know he hasn't spent a dime to have the same luxury as me.
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
3q3uxuymrIZUIRGWlKlyZqUxVYrOpACA
|
aw21kb
|
{
"description": "not ever using tongue when I kiss my so on daily basis",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For not ever using tongue when I kiss my SO on daily basis?
|
My GF and I are breaking up. All stories and explanations aside - her 2nd biggest grievance of *all* things is that I don't use tongue when I kiss her ever.
I do during sex sometimes, but never just regularly when I kiss her everyday after work, before bed, etc.
She thinks our relationship failed mostly because we never makeout basically and that that alone created a distance for her and makes her feel unloved and like I don't actually love her.
We are both 30 and have lived together for 4 years...
I told her I don't know the consensus, but I feel like making out on a regular basis after 4 years together is not necessarily a great gauge for love and things like say - trust, respect and attention to caring for the other person and their general health, happiness and prosperity is what I believe makes love true outside the passion part. I don't think it's anything but lust without it, but she's way more wrapped up in the fact that we simply don't ever have legit, and fairly consistent, makeout sessions. Just that in particular though. Nothing to do with sex per-se. Strictly that the regular day to day kisses we have are too brief and should involve tongue and full on making out.
Open to opinions obviously. Hoping I'm NTA, but let's see what yall think before I get my head all high.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
T0nIZdRqzgAeG1xtGBL7ESXi6QE0SKy4
|
ata4ib
|
{
"description": "planning on cutting my brother and his girlfriend out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for planning on cutting my brother and his girlfriend out of my life?
|
There is a lot of back story here but to sum it up, the person he is with is not a good person from my point of view. We all live in a small town and I don't want anything to do with that person because ultimately it just turns into drama.
About a year ago my brother's girlfriend left him less than a month before they were suppose to get married and claimed he had cheated. My brother told me he didn't, I believed him, found out this last fall he actually did and he just lied to me about it. He was the one who ultimately admitted it to me so I guess there's that....
Now they are back together (have been for about 6 months now) so I have been fairly distant with them. While I don't appreciate him lying to me because we were super close before, I have kind of gotten over it. However, the person he is with I am very certain is lying about certain things and also happens to be friends with my ex (they met because they were dating us brothers). So naturally they talk about everything and it causes drama. I recently started seeing someone else, well guess who found out about it in no time and started asking around and creating drama.
Anyways, my brother and his girlfriend are moving out of town about a half hour away this weekend. I told them I would help them (because that is what family is for). However, I basically plan on cutting them out of my life after the move.
AITA for cutting them out of my life because I don't want any drama and as long as he is with her and she is friends with my ex no matter what I say or do it is bound to create some sort of drama?
There is a lot more to the story but I was just trying to keep it short especially because it is just a bunch of drama and bs lol
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
u33VfcYYXvhfMufXm2djJkdBfAUN63wF
|
add3ov
|
{
"description": "saying I don't always enjoy my parents company",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying I don't always enjoy my parents company?
|
For context I’m 18 and growing up, my dad would tease me and my older sisters a lot about various things. Because of that I’m not really comfortable talking to my parents about relationships and dating. I’m the youngest and both of my sisters are away for college and work, so I get all the attention, positive and negative. Part of that attention is my mom nagging me to do my homework. I feel like 80% of our conversations have been my mom asking me about homework or telling me to do homework.
Today at dinner I was just chilling and eating my food and then my mom starts talking to me about the next school dance coming up. She asks me what I would say if a girl asked me and I said idk because it kinda depends on the person. She tells me I should think of responses so I’m ready because there could be some girl who likes me or something. She keeps going on to the point where it feels like a lecture and at that point I just wanna eat my dinner. My dad joins in the conversation and after a few moments he detects that I’m a little annoyed by the conversation. Then, he says (in what I think was a joking tone) “do you enjoy our company?”. I then replied in what I thought was a joking tone “depends”. After that he said “that hurts”. Am I an asshole for saying that?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
0e6RZtLwkFrulBK3pJPRdljvoAqIKyDQ
|
avkda2
|
{
"description": "pouring out water on a downstairs smoker",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 25
}
|
AITA for pouring out water on a downstairs smoker?
|
So I live in the top floor of a student dormatory where smoking is strictly prohibited (and there are no balconies anyways). All smokers I know will just go outside under the roof and smoke there and that's just fine by me. But since a few months some guy one (or two?) floors under my apartment is regularly smoking out of his window in the middle of the night (like 1 to 3am). I do have sleeping issues, and it helps a little to leave the window open at night to get some fresh air, and you see where this is going, ever so often my room starts smelling like an ashtray and its driving me up the fucking wall.
I am no snitch so I won't go complain to the landlord, and I don't go knocking on random doors at night so the last time I said to myself next time I will start pouring water down in the general direction where I see the cigarette until it stops, and just recently I did just that.
Am I an asshole for doing this, or am I justified?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
K0dH3tqlHTHCrTcauy5HuWKUrpsvoRal
|
b4dy8v
|
{
"description": "accidentally bringing up someone's dysphoria on an online chat website",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For accidentally bringing up someone's dysphoria on an online chat website?
|
Okay, I just wanted to get out of the way that I'm a pretty sensitive person, and I don't know if I am overreacting or something like that.
A few hours ago I went on sham.chat to talk to some random strangers with stupid usernames and roleplay. I called myself "FBI" and entered chats with strangers. The first few prompted okay reactions, nothing of particular interest. Then, after a few more chats, I entered a chat with someone.
At first I was like, "Hello, this is the FBI." And, "I think you know why I'm here, John." The person responded that they were a girl and couldn't be named John. They were like, "Haha, a girl named 'John'?". I promptly replied "Your parents were always a bit questionable..."
The person freaked out, telling me to go eff myself and that I was an asshole. They quickly typed, "Thanks for bringing up my dysphoria. Fuck you."
Should I have said that? Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
99k0kmmULFOm8ecLCb3EWPh6i4Pq5p1f
|
a4vy5w
|
{
"description": "leaving my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my friend? (Long post)
|
Oh God.. this has been on my mind for so long. Ever since I cut off contact with him. I'll explain our friendship in full.
So, we met around.. two years ago. At the time I was trying to recover from depression and was going to therapy. I was 13 years old. My only friends before that were people I met online, usually over games and such. I was really close with them and they encouraged me to try and make friends in real life, since I was really lonely here. At that time a new family moved in our building- a mom and a guy who went with me to school. I knew him from some kind of art class we used to have in school. Even though I considered him pretty annoying then I decided to try and befriend him. We'll just call him K.
K was an interesting person from the start. He obviously had a lot of family issues- his parents were divorced because his father cheated on his wife with someone really young. We became close quickly, and I even opened up to him a lot about the things I was going through. Anyway.. he wasnt the most supportive friend when I look back at it. He did care, maybe, im not sure.
We got pretty close, and at some point I realized something. He had a major crush on me. I was oblivious to it at first but the guys from his class told me about it. He started to flirt with me a little. I was incredibly uncomfortable about it because I had a crush on my internet friend, and plus only saw K as a friend and nothing more. But I didnt think much of it. I barely even reacted. He started to take more drastic and weird measures to get me to like him back. He started talking a lot about porn and the kinks he had (we were both 13.... ew), started talking about my body and how ''hot'' I was, things such as that. He even told people at school that I was his gf????
One night I decided to come over at his place, which is like an apartment above me. It was all after school btw. Everything was fine at first. We decided to watch a movie and he already had one on his laptop. It was... a sexual movie. I was raised in a very conservative family and the entire time I felt so uncomfortable but didnt say much. (We were home alone btw.) After that I dont really remember much. I remember that he was messing around and being silly and making me laugh while also trying to touch my body. I kept not reacting to it much but I was uncomfortable. It slowly started to get worse. He kept trying to get me on the bed and things like that and I started realizing what was going on. At one point he started trying to pin me and kept saying how desperate he was. Me, a dumbass, still not even showing that I said no, decided to text my mom to call me to come home (she knows I get tired from people quickly so..) as soon as she called me I left immediately. I never explained to K why I left or anything..
I feel like I never really explained that I didnt want to have sex. I was uncomfortable, but tried to show that I wasnt because I was just so confused about the whole situation. We stayed in contact actually, only over text tho, since I didnt come to school the next week and that was the last week. We didnt go out or anything. I switched schools and we still kinda stayed in contact, never mentioning what happened. But he kept trying to get me to come again, saying that his mom wont be there. It all stopped until my internet friend finally convinced me to tell him to fuck off.
I feel like I was a huge asshole. That I didn't make it clear enough that I was uncomfortable.
This event truly traumatized me and confused me.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
vG2p3XCgJd3RRkgs48KDm5bJ64GUi25F
|
avlfjq
|
{
"description": "asking my cheating husband for a divorce",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for asking my cheating husband for a divorce?
|
Throw-away account. English is not my first language so please excuse the grammar.
My husband and I have been married for 12 years and we have two young daughters. We've had a good marriage overall. The last year, I've been struggling personally.
After a three month dry-spell, my husband asked me to either go to couples counselling or pursue an open marriage. I was tired and down on myself and in that fog, I agreed on to an open marriage. I felt so undesirable and so off-putting that it made sense to me to allow my husband to pursue another woman. Despite my reservations, I went along with it with a few agreed upon ground rules:
1 - he must use condoms. Not any sort of other protection (he's had a vasectomy), but condoms because I am a mom and I don't want anything to jeopardize my health (or his)
2- cannot be away for more than 2 nights per week and can't infringe on family time
3 - cannot develop feelings for other person or must stop relationship
4 - any one partner can veto this arrangement and we go back to the way things were without any judgement or resentment
5 - cannot expose our kids to this and must be held private and not disclosed to family or friends
So, my husband disclosed to me that he will be pursuing a 23 y/o co-worker who works long hours and doesn't want a relationship.
He started working out as well, and they would actually sometimes go to the gym together before work. He was more energetic, a more focused dad, and more present at home when he was here.
Until one day, I had a migraine headache at work, and I left early and accidentally walked in on them having sex. And, the sight of it was one of the most revolting things I ever had to witness with my own eyes.
I freaked out, started to cry and ran out of there. But,I also did notice that he wasn't wearing a condom. And, I also learned that he violated a few of our other rules, because he was actually seeing her a lot more often - they saw each other during lunch breaks, before work, and probably saw each 2 to 4 times per week and not 1 or 2.
He told me that if I was fine with it before finding out those things, and that I was the one who gave up on the marriage in the first place by agreeing to the open marriage rather than therapy. He told me that the girlfriend is interviewing for jobs hundreds of kilometers away, and it will be a matter of time before things fizzle out naturally, so why not let it end and we can go back and work on our marriage.
Then I realized that my husband basically couldn't tolerate a three month dry spell, and when I was at my lowest, presented this twisted deal to me and I agreed. I asked for a divorce, and he thinks I'm being an unreasonable asshole.
He broke the rules, so all bets are off, and I essentially have PTSD after this experience. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b5oxbo
|
{
"description": "agreeing to go on a date with another guy even though I'm seeing someone else",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for agreeing to go on a date with another guy even though I’m seeing someone else?
|
I’m in a predicament here. I’ve been dating a guy for nearly three months now and he’s still insisting that we ‘take things slow’ and ‘see what happens.’ We had a chat last weekend about where things are heading and he said he’s not seeing anyone else but he said I am single and I can do what I want, although he would be annoyed if he found out I was dating other people.
The thing is, he has a tendency to blow hot and cold on me and gives me mixed messages so I never really know what he’s thinking. We only see each other at weekends too as he is busy during the week but when we are together it feels quite ‘coupley.’ He does however make bold statements like ‘IF I were to get into a relationship with someone...” which makes me think it’s not going to be with me.
I’ve recently been approached by another guy who said he would like to take me out. Would IBTA if I went for a drink with him? I mean, I’m technically single but morally is it wrong to do that when I’m seeing someone else?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
cpedO2CgGFLWMoGY4YMM4jydYtvPMwhu
|
an45gh
|
{
"description": "not going to Church with my wife",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For not going to Church with my wife
|
So a little backstory, my wife is very religious and I am an atheist. We have two kids together and our marriage is wonderful.
We have struggled with the above however since day 1. She has always had trouble knowing I was an atheist. I have always told her I would never let it affect anything and I respect her beliefs (as I hope she does mine).
Our kids go to church with my wife every weekend (which I am totally fine with). I think church has a lot of benefits and have no issue with my kids going. I stay at home every weekend as it isn't my thing and I don't believe in it.
This has been going on for about 3-4 years without argument.
Yesterday, she just lost it on me for not going to church with her family saying "it doesn't matter if you don't believe in God, just go for our kids and for my family" and "sit there and think it is all bullshit, just go with me"
She was clearly very upset with it and I still refused to go as I don't believe in it.
Am I being the asshole here? Should I suck it up and go with her every weekend even though it is against my beliefs?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ajp72d
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{
"description": "not waiting for a seemingly friendly guy I just met at the airport",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not waiting for a seemingly friendly guy I just met at the airport?
|
This one is sorta complicated, but I’ll try to explain this the best I can.
I was early to check in for my flight from Manila to Tokyo, and an older gent (about 50s) who came early too started a conversation with me (I’m a 19F traveling alone). He was friendly and he started talking in Tagalog (I understand tho don’t speak it well) to me about his daughters and life after we both found out we were from California. He was nice, but I’m naturally kinda introverted/socially awkward so I did feel sorta awkward, but I always try to be polite to older people.
Then the check in line started and this is where I felt sorta pressured I guess? He said that we should sit together on the flight from Manila to Tokyo, but I had already chosen my seat in advance online because I love having the window seat. I was first in line and went to the counter, and he came right behind me. I didn’t want to come off as rude or confrontational, so I didn’t say anything (my fault I know). And he told the lady at check in that we would be sitting next to each other as we handed in our travel docs. However, it turned out there were no seats left that were right next to each other, so I thankfully still ended up with my window seat and he got the aisle seat he wanted.
We ended up sitting together at the gate for boarding, with him starting some casual conversation (sorta like a forgetful grandpa vibe lol) and I nodded along and tried my best to not feel awkward lmao
Then the 4-hour flight came and he caught up with me as I was exiting the plane and we walked through immigration together. On the way there he kept saying I should lead him to the capsule hotel I was staying at in case his family in Japan couldn’t pick him up for his layover. I told him sure and that I’d see him by the baggage pick up. I got through immigration before him and I was sure he was right behind me, and I waited a while, but I couldn’t find him anywhere?
I even stayed by the baggage claim for our flight for a long while until it was mostly empty and I didn’t see him anywhere. So I went ahead, went through customs, and found my way to the capsule hotel because I was tbh exhausted and needed a long, hot shower.
At the time I thought “I already waited a long time, if he doesn’t show up I’m not gonna waste anymore time”. But now I’m feeling really bad about it and I feel like I could’ve done more idk
We only got each other’s first names too so I can’t contact him or anything. I’d just like either reassurance that it wasn’t that mean a thing to do or some harsh words and criticism so I know not to do this again lol
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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alkv35
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{
"description": "telling my best friend I need a break from her a week before her seventeenth birthday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I tell my best friend I need a break from her a week before her seventeenth birthday?
|
I'm not going to get into all of why, but my best friend and I have a very rough and toxic relationship. We have for a year. It's mostly her and certain mental health issues that she refuses to change that she knows are hurting me and causing her to not hold up her end of the relationship. This is probably the fifth chance I've given her and every single time she's told me she's going to change she's just let me down again.
She was doing okay this time but we had a nasty fight recently and I'm still constantly feeling anxiety, dread, and shame in our relationship. It pains me to say this because when things are okay we really do have a lot of fun and I don't think she's a horrible person but I'm starting to realize that everyone who has told me to leave our take a beak, including my therapist that I saw for 6 years up until a couple of months ago, is probably right.
But her seventeenth birthday is on February fifth, a month before mine, and I always give her a gift, especially a drawing of some sort, and I also have a Christmas present I still haven't given her which at this point with all of the shit that keeps happening between us I'm considering keeping for myself because we're both artists, but it's art supplies, and I could get use out of it. I was also planning on visiting her at our school that I left but clearly I won't be doing that if I take a break.
It feels like a really shitty thing to do because she already often doesn't enjoy her birthday, and this is possibly the first year in a while that I could even see her in person on her birthday and I would be ruining that, but we're having another fight right now and it's literally been maybe two or three days since our last one, which was really nasty and painful. I think if I'm going to break it off and ask for time apart, I need to do it *soon* like tonight or tomorrow and bite the bullet while I have the courage.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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afg59o
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{
"description": "wanting to break away from some of my friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to break away from some of my friends?
|
First off, I want to break away from four of my friends, all for different reasons. I’ll split this into four parts so it makes more sense.
First friend:
This friend, I’ll call him Jacob. I’ve known Jacob since we were in the fourth grade, after he started following me around because I was nice to him. I was fine with this, but it became a bit annoying when he wanted to be with me in all group activities. This wouldn’t be a problem if it weren’t for the fact that he would not contribute anything to the group work. He would pull the whole team down in Physical Education, and would not do any work if there was a group assignment. I ignored this at first, as I don’t like to get angry at people for small things at first, and he was my only friend at the time, as I had just moved to the area. This continued through the grades until 8th grade, where it got even worse. He became somewhat obnoxious, and would keep other people away because this behavior. He was constantly loud and talkative. Also, he would constantly complain about getting bad grades, and how it was his parent’s fault for not being nice, or how they wouldn’t get him a new phone (he already had an iPhone 6+ or whatever the bigger model of the 6 is called), because he wasn’t responsible enough. He almost never did any of the class work or homework, and broke an iPad screen before. I am afraid he is pulling me down academically, and will only become a problem in the future, as he constantly tries to talk with me during class. I have worked hard to get into the highest level classes I can in school, and don’t want distractions to get in my way. Also, he keeps other people away and kind of gives me a bad reputation, as nobody really likes him.
Second Friend:
I’ll call this friend Alex. Alex was one of my first friend after Jacob. We’ve been through a lot together, and have had several ups and downs. Alex was never really the nicest person, but he was kind and generous to his friends, including me. He once gave me discord nitro, and has given me and his other friends candies just because. He is more obnoxious than Jacob, but is more likely to get work done. He will do more on group assignments, but will still hold the group back, as he is easily distracted. He has ADHD and a couple other things, and he is more disliked than Jacob. He is constantly mean to others who aren’t his friends and will sometimes play cruel practical jokes on people because he thinks it is funny. Also, though he is more helpful in group projects than Jacob, he gets nearly nothing done in class. We were doing something in class for community service that was a requirement for graduating, but he just sat there drawing the whole class. We were once not friends, as we fought twice and he isn’t on the best of terms with my brother, even now. He knocked my brother’s tooth out in a fight with him at a pool. He also insulted me a couple of times and gotten me in trouble just because he could. People hate Alex more than they do Jacob, but I am still not sure if I should keep him as a friend. I feel like he might stray from the path of what is right and might drag me with him. Alex also doesn’t get along with some of my other friend very well just because he doesn’t like their personality.
Third Friend:
I’ll call this friend Daniel. Daniel is somewhat quirky, and never gotten along with people well. I knew him before even Jacob, but he is the one I am most on the fence about. He doesn’t really get along with some people very well, as he has serious anger issues, and has led to some conflicts. There really isn’t much to say about him, as the main reason I am considering not being friends with him anymore is because he has gotten into fights with some of my other friends over some of the smallest things. The other day, one of my friends was trying to jokingly talk to him when Daniel started to take things way to seriously. He slapped my friend across the face and started screaming about how what he is doing isn’t right (according to me and the rest of my friends, this friend did nothing wrong). Later, my friend got in trouble for hitting Daniel even though he did nothing to him. Also, Daniel never respects my wishes. Once, I tried to go to a different lunch table at my school to meet some new people and told my friends that I wanted to be alone for a bit, as nobody really likes them very much for things they’ve done. Daniel decided to come along anyways. He did this for the next couple of days even after I told him to stop following me.
Fourth Friend:
I’ll call my final friend Steve. The only true reason I don’t want to be friends with Steve any more is because he constantly tries to talk about furries and other things relating to them. I have asked him politely to stop talking about it to me and to stop sending stuff related to it to me. He never listens, and constantly makes me feel uncomfortable because of the things he is saying that I have specifically asked to not hear about.
Sorry, I know this is probably a bit of a long post, but I needed a second opinion, and I didn’t know if I was the bad guy here, so Am I The Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b6qdm1
| null |
AITA for the way I reacted to my cousin trying to embarass me?
|
I was having dinner with family and I haven't really seen any of them for a few years. I graduated last year and have been working at a Hedge Fund since. The topic came up at dinner and my waiter Cousin asked which Hedge Fund I worked at. I respond. He says he's never heard of it. I ask him which Hedge Funds he has heard of and he doesn't answer instead he says the hedge fund I work at has an unusual name. I say how do you know if it's unusual if you can't even name any other hedge fund. At this point I realize he thinks i'm lying about my job for whatever reason so he googles the hedge fund and says he can't find any information on it like a website etc and I explain why that is (closed fund, small scale strategy, regulations etc) and he is basically calling bullshit on everything I say and just talking out of his ass about things he doesn't understand so I show log into a hedge fund directory and point show him the fund on the list and then he just blatantly says that it still doesn't prove I work there at which point I tell him he needs to stop talking and I said he knows nothing about the finance industry and if we have any questions about wine pairings he can speak. he egged me on for 15 minutes so I insulted his job as being a waiter AITA
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
VH3eSqZ9xI1J4SEDYUbC2bFsgGKiBmzp
|
aj3ym2
|
{
"description": "leaving the bus by saying \"have a good day!\" instead of \"Bus Stop!\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving the bus by saying "Have a good day!" Instead of "Bus Stop!"?
|
I'm nearing my stop on the bus, and traffic is a bit slow as the bus is approaching a roundabout, and the cars on this line do not have priority, so things are taking long.
So I stand up, and hand the bus driver money, and say "Have a good day." He looks at me which an annoyed as fuck face and says, "Have a *nice day*?" And I say "Yeah, I hope you do."
Still sounding pissed off he goes "So you want me to get off the bus now? You're supposed to say bus stop."
*there's nothing to pull down to alert the driver on the bus btw
I thought handing him my bus fare and effectively saying goodbye would have communicated I wanted to get off the bus. And the bus already wasnt moving because of the slow traffic so I thought it wasnt a big deal.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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|
as479a
|
{
"description": "feeling like my obligations aren't prioritized as highly as my siblings'",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling like my obligations aren’t prioritized as highly as my siblings’?
|
I’m 15 and can’t drive yet. On Tuesday nights, one of my parents drops me off at my youth group, and my younger sister off at her dance class.
This youth group is currently my only recurring club/social obligation that doesn’t take place within school hours. (Yes, I need to get a life, but that’s a different story.) I have a bunch of friends there, and it takes place once a week.
My sister, however, is more serious about her dance. She has classes 5 days a week for anywhere from 1 to 4 hours, and she’s pretty good at it. For her to miss a class means she would miss a crucial part of practice or changes in blocking, whereas for me to miss a meeting means I don’t get to see my friends until next week, big whoop. So it makes sense to me that her dance classes would be considered marginally more important than my support group.
Because of this, I try to be understanding whenever I’m late for my group or miss it altogether because of her schedule or the needs of someone in the family. However, it’s gotten so that I am late to almost every single meeting, and miss maybe 1 out of 5 altogether. This is usually either because she’s not ready in time or because my parents can’t find a stopping point in whatever they’re doing for work in order to get us out the door on time.
I also understand that my parents’ occupations are the highest priorities because they keep everyone fed, and that it’s not always possible for them to drop everything to cart us around. But this is currently my one planned social activity, and I’m almost always late to it, whereas neither of my younger sisters have problems being on time to their respective activities. I should note that I absolutely hate being late to anything, so I can’t think of any times that I’ve made either of them late to their activities by any fault of my own.
I’ve asked my sister and parents respectfully many times if there’s any way they can get out the door just 5 or 10 minutes early, and they say they’ll try, but I have not stopped being late. I hate being late and disrupting the space I’m entering- there’s a rule in the rule sheet we read at the beginning of every meeting that discourages lateness, and ironically enough I often arrive just as they’re reading it about 5-10 minutes into the meeting.
When I get my driver’s license I will very likely be driving my sister to dance and myself to my meeting on Tuesdays, and I will expect her to be in the car by 6:00 out of respect for my obligations.
AITA or am I being unreasonable? I just want to get to my support meetings on time out of respect for the rest of my group.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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9wkbc6
|
{
"description": "asking my neighbor's caretaker to stop parking right in front my of house",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking my neighbor's caretaker to stop parking right in front my of house
|
I live on a quiet street in a town pretty far outside the city. There are about 25 houses on my block and its not dense (maybe an acre per house). My neighbor across the street has a disabled child and they have a caretaker come five days a week to watch the kid. Because of the way the caretaker drives in, in appears the easiest thing for them to do is park right in front of my house and then cross the street to the house they work in. She does this every day, 5 days a week for the past 6 months.
I know its a public road and that anyone can park on it, but it's the only car that ever parks on the street and its always in front of my front door. It really does annoy me, but beyond the actual annoyance it doesn't really harm me. AITA for asking the caretaker to stop parking in front of my house and to spend the extra 20 seconds to park in front of their employer's house?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
zBBJDxYcX8gNlPHjxWG9TK1BbY81Hf6W
|
atxprm
|
{
"description": "kind of blowing up and being offended after being accussed of being a part of the church of scientology by a family member",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for kind of blowing up and being offended after being accussed of being a part of the church of scientology by a family member?
|
My brother was concerned for me because he deducted from a misinterpreted look that I'm part of this shit show cult. According to him, four or five years ago during one of his visits, I looked at my girlfriend, who then looked down whenever Scientology was mentioned and this was enough proof to be legitimately concerned... the dude thought he had found us out! Uh? Should have laughed, but was pretty insulted and said so. My brother has probably told other folks, as he was concerned, but I'm pretty pissed. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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|
b53lbz
|
{
"description": "not buying my friend the housewarming item she wants",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for not buying my friend the housewarming item she wants?
|
I asked my friend a while ago if she needed anything for her new place and she sent me a link for a $30 lamp that she wanted. I thought that was pretty reasonable so I agreed, I just haven't purchased it yet.
Then I get a text asking if I can buy a $60 video game as a house warming present instead. I know it's not crazy expensive but I'm not exactly rolling in it and she knows it and I also feel like a lamp is much more useful for a house then a game.
Would I be the asshole for wanting to say no?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ZtyatLAgVg1GSH85fUdWX3vgcv3NXUIu
|
azay16
|
{
"description": "keying my dad's car after he insulted my friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for keying my dad's car after he insulted my friend?
|
So my friend came to my house earlier. He has to come round when my dad is out because my dad \*hates\* him. Unfortunately he came home and found my friend in our house and kicked him out, calling him a homophobic slur (you know, the 'F' word that dickheads seem to use all the time).
I was so angry at this that I scratched the passenger side door of my dad's car when I went out for a cigarette earlier. So, now I don't know whether I over-reacted or whether it was appropriate given the situation.
​
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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|
WRONG
|
Oyvmbr41dX4DZNh6nL1pjXnHIQwBTnF8
|
azievo
|
{
"description": "wanting to end a relationship due to lack of sex",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to end a relationship due to lack of sex?
|
I have been with my boyfriend for over two years now, over seven months ago we stopped having sex.
To give some background information, we started the relationship as teenagers and were eachothers first. We waited 7 months the first time to have sex because we were both too nervous about buying condoms in case our parents found out. Before and after this we were constantly being sexually active, everytime we saw eachother and got a minute alone, we were getting off. After I went to university and had a busier schedule, our sex life died down a bit, but we would still have sex almost everytime we saw eachother.
Flash forward seven months ago we went away with a couple of friends and rented a place to stay. We started getting hot and heavy, but he couldnt get it up, i chalked it up to him being tired and not feeling well. We tried again the next day, but same thing, so i thought it was just because he was sick. Over the next couple weeks we would try again and the same thing would happen and he would tell me its because of the anxiety meds he is taking and that he is going to the doctor to fix it. We try again in the next following weeks and its the same thing, I am understanding when it comes to his anxiety, but I am getting annoyed because he knows he cant get it up, but tells me he can and then when it comes down to it we have to stop and I'm left with the female equivalent of blue balls.
He finally ended up going to the doctor to change his meds and he can get it up now, but everytime I try to initiate he just shuts me down. I have had this discussion in the past with him and he always tells me he is willing to try, but when it comes down to it, he turns me down.
I have asked a couple of friends and they keep telling me to stick it out and my boyfriend just needs time, so im a bit conflicted.
So AITA for wanting to break up over lack of sex?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
YLoYHkNPYv4Oymfx922FbExOyUtC5sSe
|
b46r3q
|
{
"description": "telling my friend how I really feel about his behavior",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if i tell my friend how i really feel about his behavior
|
So to make a long story short a friend and I got into a new friend group consisting of about 6 people. Almost instantly i hit it of with 2 of the women in the group and i started to hang out with them alone and not only within the group of friends. Ive even developed a huge crush on one of them that i let my original friend know about.
Almost a couple weeks after telling him my friend started to act differently. He inserted himself into conversations i was having with these two girls, started to speak to them alot more which i was conpletely fine with. Then his behavior changed even more. He became very white-knighty trying to do everything their way and really just trying to get their attention. It was nice in the begining but its developed into a huge annoyance when he goes out of his way to please them or to be liked by them. This personality he puts on in front of them isnt his real self, its completely fake and its really difficult for me to see him act fake in front of our mutual friends, or to try that hard to be likeable and not the person he is in reality (which is the guy ive been friends with and know since we were 4.)
Recently ive thought about confronting him about the situation and explaining what i feel is happening but i dont know if im just jealous because of one of the two girls or if everything is as i make it out to be. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
RFhtbwI3P0oVpKWLLIezLDIavLM4Fm1x
|
aa32hw
|
{
"description": "not wanting to look after my boss's kid",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to look after my boss’s kid?
|
So my boss from work asked me last week if I could watch her 3y/o so she could pick up an extra shift at work, just a couple of hours so I didn’t mind. She’s a single mother and I’m very empathetic so I wanted to do her a solid. Next day she asks me if I can do it again on Friday (today) but i would have to cancel my own shift, it was only a 5 hour shift so I covered it so I could, not a big deal, she’s gonna pay me (not much) for watching him.
She then asks me to do it again on Monday (NYE) because I took annual leave to spend time with my partner who I haven’t been able to really spend time with over the holidays, because we both work and have busy lives (we live together but barely have had any time together other than at night before bed). I make an excuse because I feel bad about saying no so she then asks me if I can watch him on Tuesday (rostered day off, same every week, also New Year’s Day) because I couldn’t do Monday.
I didn’t mind the first couple of times, but now I feel I’m being taken advantage of and I haven’t had a day off to myself in weeks. She’s asked me to use my holiday hours twice now to do her favours - I cleaned her house for petty cash a couple months ago - and is the type of person who gets upset when you don’t do what she wants, so it’s been really difficult for me to say no without an elaborate excuse. I feel like an asshole but at the same time I feel like this isn’t something that you do with a colleague that isn’t really even a good friend to begin with..
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
krxcOtsAS5q1kZDpg8B7cvVj5GklgjD1
|
9ta82q
|
{
"description": "wanting nothing to do with my partner/baby mama when she is on Xanax",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting nothing to do with my partner/baby mama when she is on Xanax?
|
Backstory is we are very much in love, very happy, have a wonderful life and a wonderful son. Last weekend I had a scary situation at work that has her all stressed out, and a friend gave her an undetermined amount of xanax to help smooth her over.
But ... She is not an easy person to be around on any benzo. It inhibits her emotional control and causes extreme insecurity. For fairness sake I would like to point out that this is my opinion, based on living with her for the last 5 years, and although it is an opinion based on observation and experience, i am by no means any sort of expert or psychologist.
She found the bottom of a cut off t-shirt in a drawer in our bedroom, and asked me what it was. Told her I had no idea, looked like a fragment of clothing, ive never seen it before.
Her - then why was it hidden?
Me - I thought you said it was in the drawer?
Her - yeah, hidden in the drawer! (Getting louder now)
Me - babe, what do you think it is, why are you so pissed? This is fucking stupid
Her - I dont know what it is, but its not mine, and I want to know why you hid it!
So I walk out of the room, not interested in this argument. I take the our son out in the backyard to play. I know I am NTA at this stage of my admittedly long post.
She tries to talk to me a few hours later, tells me i was overly angry, that she wasnt accusing me of anything, she is blameless and doesnt understand why I am so angry (I was frustrated, but never raised my voice, I left the room and busied myself elsewhere to de-escalate). I tell her that when she takes xanax her reality and short term memory are so warped that I dont want to speak about it until she is sober. I tell her I withdraw, I love her but have no desire to fall into the trap of trying to talk to someone who disagrees with me on the fundamental nature of what literally happened a few hours ago.
She for sure thinks I am the asshole. I received about a dozen texts after I fell asleep last night that included the gems
"you hang out with (my friends) and they do them. I already felt crazy (because of scary work event weekend prior) and so its not even the Xanax its just me."
"You look more suspect about this recent shit that I.... I'd drink a bunch too if someone wanted to kill me... just how come you judge me, and hurt me. And separate from me, like my opinion doesn't matter. If you died, I'd die..... that made me crazy."
"Im just too tired ok. Go to sleep. I wish it were with me, but you hate me and Can't stand to look at me so.... just do whatever makes you happy. Crushes me but I'm tough"
So I leave it up to you Reddit, do you agree with my lady love, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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azznfq
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{
"description": "expecting the neighbor to pay for half the fence",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA if we expect the neighbor to pay for half the fence?
|
I guess it should be "Are We The Assholes" cuz it involves the whole family but whatever
Ok, so for a little backstory I've lived in the house I'm in for basically my whole life. It's a little house in a small town with a nice backyard. Growing up, I was friends with my neighbor's kids (We'll call him Bert.) We grew apart, but the families have always been amicable. My dad and Bert even used to do the bit from "Tool Time" where they talked over the fence, haha. So, suffice to say we had a good relationship with them.
A few years ago a minor tornado hit my town. No big deal, but our fence on both sides was knocked down in places, we covered the holes with cyclone fence. The fence was really old and decrepit anyway- about 20 years old in a state with lots of rain, so the wood was all chipped and mossy. Now, my dad does fences for a living, so he already hated that fence, and had been planning for a while to replace it. We just hadn't had the money to do so. We talked to our other neighbor (Igor), and he agreed to cop in for the cost of materials (my dad could easily put it up himself, so labor wasn't an issue.) Now, despite my dad being a professional, not only did Igor help pay he offered to help.
However, when we asked Bert to chip in, he refused. The fence was technically on **our** property, so he didn't think he was responsible for it. I've been in his house, I know his kids, so I know they have the money to at least contribute a little, but he wouldn't budge. I also know that they're definitely better off then we are, and they know that we're definitely borderline poor.
We shouldered the cost ourselves, but our relationship with Bert and his family has since soured. We feel he was being selfish.
Tl;dr:
Our more well-off neighbor refused to help my broke family pay for half of our shared fence, because technically it was built on our property. We stopped being friendly with him because of this. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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acf7mw
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{
"description": "asking my boyfriends ex-gf to say hello to me in the same house",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriends ex-gf to say hello to me in the same house?
|
My boyfriend was dating me and another girl at the same time, neither of us knew. My bf decided to just go with me, and not tell her at all. Then he asked me to move in with him and briefly said the last gf wasn’t really a gf just a girl he hung out with a couple of times.
Fast forward, I move in and the ex-gf starts dating the roommate. I didn’t think it was too awkward because I was under the assumption my bf and her went on maybe one date or so and mutually agreed it wasn’t for them. Guess it turns out she might’ve been a little more attached?
She won’t say hello to me in the house even though we’re there together all the time, she visits my bf’s workplace with the roommate once a week, and now she’s accusing me of taking her food out of the fridge (which I’m not).
I’ve been super chill, and nice, and have invited both her and her current bf to the climbing gym with me with no response. At this point though I’m asking my bf to ask if she can just say hello to me when I smile or acknowledge her presence in the house.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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9u9ucl
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{
"description": "waking up late due to daylight savings and being annoyed at my long distance girlfriend who was effected by it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for waking up late due to daylight savings and being annoyed at my long distance girlfriend who was effected by it?
|
My girlfriend (long distance) and I have been dating for 6 months now and talking over over a year. She doesn't live in the states and doesn't have daylight savings so she doesn't fully understand it.
​
​
I wakeup at 8AM and we call and chat for about 2 hours almost everyday. Well yesterday I had my alarm set for 8AM as usual and wakeup to call my girlfriend who is angry at me because I "woke up late". Now mind you my phones clock adjusts automatically and I had no idea that today was daylight savings day. Nothing alerted me at all.
​
​
As soon as I realized I told her that it must have been daylight savings and I had no idea, my clock adjusts on its own and that it was an accident. She is claiming things like "how could you not know? did you not feel like you slept too long?". Well the answer is no, I don't know if that's a normal thing or not? Are people able to tell if they over slept an hour? I sure can't...infact I have sleep apnea and feel like nomatter how long I sleep, I never get enough..which she knows this but thinks I use it as an excuse and over-exaggerate it.
​
​
Now I'm not trying to paint a bad picture of my girlfriend...there are times I've woken up late or fallen asleep after waking up on accident..I totally get it annoys her even if its not done on purpose..so for this to happen again I get that she's angry about it..but I had no idea it was daylight savings!! I tried explaining but she just says I'm "trying to reason out"!
​
I told her I couldn't argue about this tonight (since she wouldnt call me today and we didn't talk since) and that I wouldn't want to entertain the argument when I already stated it was an accident and I didn't do it on purpose. I just told her goodnight because she thinks I'm being an ass for calling her out and thinking shes being ridiculous..so I just muted my phone now and will be listening to what you guys think.
​
Tldr: Long distance girlfriend mad at me because I wokeup late due to daylight savings...I had no idea and am now angry at her for being angry at me..Read the post it explains a lot more
|
HISTORICAL
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b7xvye
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{
"description": "telling my close friend she has literally no chance of getting into med school",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I told my close friend she has literally no chance of getting into med school?
|
So I've known this girl for about 3 years now. We met during college orientation and have been close friends since then. She was premed from the start whereas I'm non-traditional and started taking premed courses after freshman year. We've only had two courses together and in both instances, I performed exceptionally better than her, despite my tutoring her and giving her my study guide (I'm talking about A- Vs D+).
Earlier today, she brought up median MCAT/GPAs for a lot of colleges and she talked about how she even though she wasn't close, she knew she would get into one of them. I really want to tell her to strongly reconsider as...well she doesn't really have a chance. Her GPA is close to a 2- 2.5 (based on a resume I saw a few months ago) and she has literally no volunteer/clinical work but she says she'll change it in the summer...
I really want her to wake up and smell the roses and think about something else because she really doesn't have any chance of getting in. Should I tell her how I really feel?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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WRONG
|
rGsOSW6IjAIKDiEPUNnqkOtWKA0NiaHR
|
a58cnn
|
{
"description": "wanting to break up with my depressed girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to break up with my depressed girlfriend
|
My girlfriend of 3.5 years has been depressed for about the last 2 years. I have been trying to help her and offer her all of my support, but she does not try to help herself. Her depression is affecting her friendships, her academics, her job, and her relationship with her family. I have provided her all of my support and a number of resources to get help, but she just says that she will call eventually. It has been 2 years and no change. I am frustrated that I cannot do anything else to help her and I am beginning to be physically and emotionally tired.
Am I the asshole for putting an ultimatum in our relationship where she either gets help or we break up?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
vcf6hXDTYP0hP23qeJSfkNWITGjY3sCT
|
azerzu
|
{
"description": "flirting with my friends, while I am in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for flirting with my friends, while I am in a relationship?
|
oof, okay. Before you judge I beg you to read the whole post and not just the title. Thank you before hand.
​
I was talking to my girlfriend lately and I told her about this girl I worked with in my hospitality year and that I found her on IG. We chatted back and forth on what we are doing job wise now and how it is for us. My gf seemed to be in worry when I told her that and she responded with "okay, Good.", after I told her I wasn't flirting with her. (which she asked me if I was for some reason Idk).
​
I asked her if she would mind if I flirtet with someone for fun? She answered with yes and that she doesn't want me to do it. I told her that I sometimes flirt with my female friends for fun and without any intentions. They know that I am in a relationship and I've done it before aswell without any intent since they are my friends and I don't want more from them.
​
She got pissed about it and I apologized that I was ignoring her feelings towards this topic and that I was being rude and blatant. She still was mad at me and said, that she was crystal clear about it and doesn't want me to do it. I got mad and told her: ,,I don't want you to get drunk in clubs aswell but it won't stop you from doing that does it?". She answered with a blatant "I didn't ask your opinion on that one". I was perplexed at the fact that she would say it so ruthless towards me. I told her it was rethorical to show her that even if she doesn't want me to do, it won't stop me from doing it, because I have been doing it before the relationship aswell and my friends appreciate that I make them laugh.
​
Now I am not sure if I am in the wrong or if she is being manipulative. (I've been in a manipulative relationship before so I am very sensitive about it, because I don't want re-live that hell again).
​
TL;DR: My GF and I were fighting over me flirting with my female friends when we are just having fun and they know me for being like that.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
Iuywb5jqqiyTKsuwghw4nWsFHHD1DkBN
|
aaelg5
|
{
"description": "telling a girl to get out of the men's bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 30
}
|
AITA for telling a girl to get out of the men's bathroom?
|
First off, LTL FTP.
So I was out drinking with a few friends in my hometown. It was late in the evening and everybody was pretty drunk, I go to bathroom to answer natures call when I see a girl doing her make-up in the mirror.
Everyone else seemed fine with it, but I've been getting pretty fed up with the double-standard extremist-feminism going on here (I live in the biggest feminist country in the world) and being drunk I might have over reacted. I walked straight up to her and asked her what she was thinking doing in the men's bathroom and that she had to get out right now. She just looked at me like I was crazy, and made me feel like I was the asshole for not letting her do her make-up right next to where I urinating.
Am I The Asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
sESTAFWRSBvAmyn9FmGVU5YtuHNsAYFy
|
b4mw4u
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{
"description": "telling my friend it's weird to give his daughter a nigerian name when he isn't nigerian",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 115
}
|
AITA for telling my friend it's weird to give his daughter a Nigerian name when he isn't Nigerian?
|
One of my best friends from child hood, we'll call hime Jake is having a baby with his fiance. My friend is biracial (half black half white) but he was entirely raised by his white mom and white step dad. His girlfriend is black, but again she's not Nigerian or from Africa. I am white I mean no offence to my friend but he grew up around mostly white people and it was only in college when he went through this phase where he started to really try and be more "black" and hang around black people more and behave more about what people "perceive" black people should act like and I kinda think some part of it was an act but whatever. Another note is that his fiance isn't really a huge fan of me and apparently when she first met me she got the impression I was racist. I don't really know why but that kinda soured our relationship but were friendly and cordial to each other.
​
So when I was hanging out with Jake few days, he was trying to order monogrammed pillows or something cheesy like that and then revealed that they were naming their daughter Morayo which is a Nigerian name apparently. He kept gushing over the name and I personally just thought it was weird to name your kid from a country you know literally nothing about. So I asked "are you sure you want to give your kid a Nigerian name. I mean you guys aren't Nigerian." He seemed offended and said. "Yeah but we're black and we have roots from Nigeria anyway."
So I probably should have let it go but then I said in a mostly joking manner. "So if I took a DNA test and found out I'm like 1% African should I give my kid a Nigerian name?"
Jake got mad and cursed at me a few times and said that tons of "black" names are african or arabic and that I should "mind my own white business" and I had no idea what I was talking about.
He did change the subject after that but I can tell it bothered him. Shortly after his fiance publicly revealed the name on social media and people started gushing about it and his girlfriend made a comment on Facebook about how she was glad they liked it and "some of Jake's friend's thought it was too African lol" Like she knows I follow her and obviously posted that for me to see it.
AITA here? I'm conflicted. Like I didn't think it was a big enough deal for Jake to go rat on me to his GF. But maybe I was out of line to criticize the name choice.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
lRHP2kmn0EGoW3QW0gxSPaX7lWUhSWPF
|
b4blud
|
{
"description": "not helping the women with dishes",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not helping the women with dishes?
|
My in-laws have large family holidays (40+ people). The first time I met his family, I noticed there were no women! At mealtime, the women suddenly appeared. After dinner, the guys migrated to watch the football game, and the women disappeared again. I thought they just didn't like football. It turns out that the women spend 2 hours before the meal cooking, folding napkins, setting tables, etc. Then after the meal, the women spend another hour or two doing dishes and cleaning. By the time they were done cleaning, everyone was preparing to leave.
The next holiday, aunt-in-law mentioned that the women would like to meet me, since we barely interacted. They'd love if I could come an hour early and help set up. I shook off the vague Stepford Wives vibes and I figured, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.
So my then-boyfriend and I showed up early. The women looked at me like I had grown a third eye. Aunt declared "No men in the kitchen!", he was banished to the TV room, and suddenly I was stranded with 20 people I didn't know. Most of these women are housewives, and it is a matter of pride that they do 100% of the housework and cooking. It quickly became clear that I am inept at floral arrangement and my knife work is not up to par (I know how to cook, but I really don't care if the carrots slices are uneven). One of the women told me not to worry because they will teach me to be "bride ready" so I can make my husband proud. Awkward.
After the meal, the women started collecting dishes, and I mentioned to my then-boyfriend that we should both help out. But, he was again banished. So I retreated with him to the TV room and hung out with the guys. We played a board game while the women cleaned.
That was a few years ago, and since then, I stay with the guys during family holidays. I'm the only woman who does. Occasionally one of the women will hand me a stack of dirty plates, or ask for help with prep. I'll help out, but I usually pull my husband in to help, too. When he gets banished, I'll go too.
We go to family gatherings 3-4 times a year. 10 hours/year of housework will not kill me. Still, it feels really weird and archaic that the men lounge around while the women work. Also, the women kind of freak me out. They are 100% perfect housewives and can be pretty intense. Never a hair out of place. I'm a nerdy tomboy, and I'm way more comfortable with the guys.
My mom says I'm being rude. If I don't want to participate with the way they run their family functions, I should not attend. By hanging out with the guys, I'm basically rejecting all of the women and their way of life.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
JLSkTRD4q7iwR7ha4LCM5xGsA5P7PZ5k
|
azik63
|
{
"description": "kind of wasting my parents' money",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for kind of wasting my parents’ money?
|
My family moved from New York to Florida when I started middle school. They enrolled me in a private middle school that costs $23,700 ish for a year. Surprisingly this is way more cheaper than the private schools in New York and the Northeast region of America.
I had a hard time fitting in. I was younger than everyone cause I was 10 going on 11. I was the only asian person amongst a population of 90% white kids. I haven’t hit puberty and my social skills sucked. A lot of kids have extremely wealthy parents (like an occasional student would belong to a multi-billionaire family). For me, my parents were immigrants and i lived in a rented, small apartment for a while before my parents bought and moved into an even smaller apartment.
In sixth grade my grades were overall great. If i got anything lower than a B on a test, my parents would get extremely upset if they were having a bad day. I didn’t start getting Cs in quarter grades and Fs on midterms until my final year at that school (8th grade). I was getting bullied severely and was called racial slurs by my classmates. I got little to no support from my teachers. I would turn in my math assignments late and had a geometry teacher tell me I would never be successful in high school. I found no purpose in doing heavy coursework. Colleges aren’t going to see this. I felt like i had no skill in the arts and athletics while everyone else did. I started getting into conflicts with people and I was clearly not in the right mental place. Looking back, I was basically a 13 year old version of Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye.
I went to a local public school for high school. I don’t talk to my old private school “friends” anymore except one or two who truly understood what I was going through. I mainly got straight As but I continue to barely put effort into studying. These days my mom says she’s proud of me but I get a different vibe from my dad. Whenever I would complain about my current public school, he would say he gave me an opportunity to succeed in private school, but I didn’t take it. I know he truly believed in me when we first moved to Florida, but since my experience wasn’t a good one, he puts a lot of the fault on me.
To this day I feel like I have disappointed my parents and I can’t express my feelings to anyone because most people tell me I was privileged and they would disregard what i had to say. So am I the asshole for wasting my parents’ money (3 years accumulated to over $70,000)?
|
HISTORICAL
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V6fuDHiGyZhxUEehv7OU8iGPKGICg0RG
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b4yfvd
|
{
"description": "being uncomfortable with my genderfluid partner's social media accounts",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being uncomfortable with my genderfluid partner's social media accounts?
|
I have known my boyfriend for ~15 years (we have been dating for two) and been aware that he has thoughts of wanting to be a girl, which moved to being transgender during the early part of our relationship.
We went to buy clothes, to a makeup store so he could learn and be recommended products, we even went to a wig shop together - but, I digress.
At the end of a few weeks he came to the conclusion that he was more comfortable presenting as male since it was *easier* and I accepted that. He threw away the makeup but I kept the clothes because I figured it was something that would come up again he has been struggling with this for a while.
Jump to today and he wants to start experimentation again. Okay, cool.. I'm totally fine with it. He tells me he took all of his old "girl" clothes back.
This time, a few days prior, he told me he was fed up with social media and all the bullshit - so he was deleting the apps from his phone.
But last night, he mentioned he knew he said he was done, but he created social media accounts and was liking the support. He said he was using transgender related subs to get feedback but that he had to *watch out for being hit on* and that *maybe he was going to see what it's like being a girl on the internet* meaning being harassed and constant unwanted messages, this made me uncomfortable. The conversation went something like:
Me: Why post pictures unless you are seeking attention or WANTING to be hit on?
Him: It's not like that.
Me: I would never post photos of myself unless I was looking for people to tell me I was cute and send PM's.
Him: Have you ever tried to be something you weren't for your entire life?
Me: No.. but.. I guess I don't understand but it feels weird. Give me a while to figure out why I feel this way.
Him: *5 mins later* I deleted all of the posts and accounts. I don't think I should have to, but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.
Then he proceedes to sulk and pout the whole night.
I never asked him to delete the accounts nor would have. I just asked that he give me time to process the information so I could figure out exactly why I was bothered.
It's frustrating and I don't feel included. When I ask why he feels like he needs validation/approval from the outside world he turns it around stating that I don't, and could never understand.
But it's confusing for me to also question my sexuality and be with someone who is male presenting half of the day, and wearing a skirt the other. It's hard and it seems like the only thing that matters is him being comfortable and reassuring that he looks good. I should also mention that he is closeted none of our friends or family know.
Am I the asshole for being uncomfortable? Or should I be excited that he has a "support system" in subs that are focused on posting photos of yourself for compliments and PM's?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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NJvcXBgeeiCvsjpByrXVsa9mEpfaBgHc
|
af6fnm
|
{
"description": "occasionally saying, \"that's retarded\" in reference to a situation",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for occasionally saying, "that's retarded" in reference to a situation
|
Okay, so. For starters, I don't believe I am an offensive person by any means. I'm very soft spoken and in fact, most people ask me to repeat myself in conversation.
I don't curse in public and I'm typically very polite to people in general. Mentioning this because I feel as if it plays a role on whether or not I am an asshole.
I [28F] just spent the week with my sister [22F] since we couldn't see each other over the Christmas break. We are super close and we joke around a lot. She is one of the few people I tend to lower my guard around and let lose with.
So, at some point when we were talking at length (about some drama with her friends) I referred to a situation as being, "retarded."
I stopped and said, "ugh, I really gotta stop saying that. Sorry, it's something I've been working on."
Then, she very quickly told me that she's been meaning to talk to me about it because she heard me say it ONE other time this week. What kind of bugged me was her concern, as if a said something that personally offended her. So, I asked what her deal was.
Well, she told me she was working with mentally handicapped kids this past summer. That during their training, they were repeatedly asked not to use words like that, for obvious reasons. She told me she is now hyper sensitive to this because she doesn't want anyone in that situation to feel offended.
Then, she said she was worried about me losing my job (or something along those lines) because I use that word. I told her that I don't use it often and that if anything, I only refer to a situation as "retarded." That I would never just drop that word aloud, in public or anything.
But I also don't think it's anyone's job to be offended for another group of people. I think she kind of blew it out of proportion after I acknowledged that I was working on it.
She put me down and compared me to our grandmother who says things like, "oh you know how the blacks are." (She's 80 years old; the rest of our family is not racist or anything)
So, do you think I'm the asshole for not apologizing to her for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
0T7ymY7w1RYQJXgi7ppdeo4mjPbRjNIT
|
affh7v
|
{
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to ditch his best friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting my boyfriend to ditch his best friend?
|
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months and his best friend has been unsupportive from the very beginning. On multiple occasions he has “told me to eat shit, called me a hoe, accuse me of not caring about my boyfriend, etc” he even texted me on my birthday explaining in full detail how terrible I am, how I make my boyfriends life worse and how he’d be better off without me then proceeded to wish me a happy birthday. My boyfriend has repeatedly told him to stop and told me that what he says isn’t true but I’m tired of the harassment. He seems to care more about his own feelings more than his best friends but he may also be trying to look out for his friend.Am I the asshole if I don’t want my boyfriend to continue being friends with him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 6
}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
rXHn05CfAeLgEZ3f1tOhrKUgYneYfk6K
|
advkep
|
{
"description": "selling the gun he bought me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for selling the gun he bought me?
|
TLDR ex bought me a gun after he quit his job, and I don't want it should I sell it?
My former boyfriend bought me a gun, and I don't want it, I'm not going to use it, and we have two kids on the house, and no safe. He said he dosen' t want it I need money for well everything, he told me he would be upset if I sold it, but I don't want it in my house
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
rkqWIjhQluR0You24n6EKqqq4f3vNwUv
|
aytypf
|
{
"description": "forcefully refunding games that I then got to keep",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA I forcefully refunded games that I then got to keep
|
I'm having an actual moral dilemma about whether or not I'm an asshole, so let me explain.
​
I decided to buy the "Jackbox Quintpack" for me and my buds to fuck around with, and this was during a steam sale. I noticed that the steam sale wasn't as good as the sale on a site called "Fanatical" so then I proceeded to setup my account and purchase from there. Very soon after, like an hour or so, I noticed the exact same pack on steam dipped in price even more, so me being the money grubbing fucker that I am, I thought "Well lets get a refund now!"
​
I asked and was told no by the Fanatical support, and so I thought "Oh well" and left it for a bit. Then I realized I payed for this through paypal, and I can dispute a paypal purchase. So I did, and sure enough I won. In the end I still have the games with my money back for many months after the fact. Now my attitude has become to do a similar such procedure whenever I feel like I shouldn't have spent money on something, or if something dips in price after I've bought it.
​
So, am I being an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
FpsHElMZUXnjxfur7IxNkdAeH9vYwiFa
|
b1nykv
|
{
"description": "not wanting to depend on my Girlfriend's Mom's schedule",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to depend on my Girlfriend's Mom's schedule?
|
My Girlfriend (22) and I (24) have known eachother for 3 years, we've dated on and off during that time, but only now has it been pretty serious. When we started going out I knew her family was somewhat dificult. Specifically her mother. (Her Father is deceased)
My GF likes to boast about her independence, but at the same time, she is heavily influenced by her mother on things such as how she spends her money and what plans she makes. I have a faint suspicion that her mom is rather manipulative towards her.
It has been a common ocurrance that we make plans several days in advance and she'll cancel a few hours before just because her mom got an idea to do something. I understand that sometimes plans have to be modified, but this happens at least once a week and honestly, Im sick of it.
I've talked to her about it in gentle terms using careful language. She understands this bothers me (A lot). I do not like being a "slave" to the wimbs of her capricious mother. I'm starting to resent the "participation" her mother has on our relationship. She is very attached to her family, and I feel bad for basically making her choose between her family and myself at times. I support her in her love for her family, but I don't want it to be a crutch in our relationship.
Am I The Asshole for being bothered by this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KURejVGzkRgDcEz1CwoSHLgXd8wxZ3n7
|
b6yp3e
|
{
"description": "reporting my coworkers to their manager",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I report my coworkers to their manager?
|
So I work in a male dominated environment. A few of the men sitting close to me always joke about hating their wives; women deserving being hit to STFU; banging other chicks etc.
The problem is I have severe CPTSD and anxiety. I was abused in two previous relationships and all those things these coworkers joke about are triggering for me, especially on bad days. I am in therapy and I usually try to ignore the jokes, or just ask to please stop, but the next day everything starts over again.
No one at my work knows I have CPTSD but I am thinking of going to their manager (I have a very good business relation with him) and ask him to please hold a meeting and take some mild actions, as I am starting to have anxiety attacks at work.
WIBTA if I do it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
pJbl6oij3CxlZodAsskZrz3CJCtGawqE
|
avnfu7
|
{
"description": "talking to my friend about my relationship",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I talk to my friend about my relationship...
|
Background: my significant other and I have been together for sometime and been through some turmoil. But who hasn’t? With my personality I am the type of person who needs to talk things out with someone. My man doesn’t share anything with me. When an issue arises with us I try to talk it out and he blows it off and doesn’t tell me how he feels. There isn’t a lot of communication cause our issues to remain unsolved and it bothers me. His best friend started dating my friend. We got close and started hanging out as couples all the time. This friend and I talk out our relationship issues together. I get to vent and feel like someone is actually hearing me. My man found out I was talking to her about our problems and wants to stop hanging out with this couple. He doesn’t want to feel like he is being judged every time we are with them. But I think he is overreacting. These are our close friends and we have a good time together. No one has made any judgements towards him or acted on anything that’s been said. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable but I don’t want to lose the closest friends we have.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
cV1vNXE16iDSbaODYX7RO3Kd9CwMkIv8
|
9wm7pv
|
{
"description": "not wanting children",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting children?
|
I’m a 25 year old guy. I had moved away for college and medical school a while ago but I’ve been back in town for a bit. On more than one occasion I’ve been asked about my plans for children and I don’t want kids. The reasons are multiple - not interested in parenthood, really interested in my career as a doctor, don’t want to subject a child to a world that’s running out of resources and being overpopulated, to name a few. I’m not so concerned about my feelings for not wanting children - they’re my feelings and they’ve lead me to the decision that I don’t want kids. However, I’ve been accused of being selfish for not wanting kids. Knowing the connotation of the word selfish, I have a sort of guilt and feel like my family thinks I’m a little assholeish for not only sticking to my guns but having my ideas not be in line with theirs. Is not wanting children really selfish? If so, how? Am I an asshole for denying my family what they so desperately want? I don’t understand...the kid my mom is imagining I would make isn’t even real...it’s like, totally fabricated. It’s so far removed from reality. It’s not a kid I’ve ever thought about. How does not wanting kids make me selfish and an asshole? At what point do choices that are good for you but frustrate others truly become selfish? I see this as almost a like moot decision. I’m not doing...anything. In a way I think a lot of my friends and colleagues have had some selfish motivation in wanting children (“it will make me happy, it’s what you’re supposs to do, it’s the next step”) but I fail to see how not wanting children is selfish.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
YYj6uzfPgGlpfFneJKCxZpR6v59v1XIg
|
a6jujv
|
{
"description": "thanking myself for my birthday present to my husband's face",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thanking myself for my birthday present to my husband's face
|
Today is my birthday and over the last week or so my husband has been asking me what I'd like to do. My only real reply has been to go get my hair done. Day before last I told him I hadn't made an appointment so it probably wouldn't happen.
Last night a co-worker reinvited me and the hubs on a brewery crawl but I joked (in front of my husband) that I wanted to spend it on the couch to which the look on my husband's face was one of, "Really? That's lame and you can do that any time". I told him it was absolutely cool with me if he wanted to go on the brewery crawl, just bring me home food afterward. He said no. Anywho, I felt guilty that my husband felt he couldn't do anything for me for my birthday so I made an online booking at an Ulta salon for the afternoon.
Fastforward to the appointment, he drops me off and I'm all good. Come time for him to pick me up he's there with a couple things for him that he needs, and he takes the printout the hairdresser gives you to take to the checkout. At the checkout he then turns to me and tells me to pull my card out.
"Umm, what?"
Needless to say, I end up paying for my haircut AND his things. Outside the store he asks if I feel beautiful now, salty, I said, "Yes I do. Thank you for the present, me."
He got mad at me for being mad and making him feel bad. He attempted to justify it by claiming I knew he didn't have money for this kind of thing. Not having money is one thing, but never during all the times he asked me what I wanted to do on my birthday did he say he couldn't afford to pay for a gift he was insisting I choose.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
8T5rfn1KZVSVMduab38A5nqhlo6hjtOT
|
alfpg7
|
{
"description": "wanting to break up with my gf because she doesn't want to come visit me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA For wanting to Break Up with my GF because she doesn't want to come visit me?
|
So me and my GF have been dating since October, and we live 2 cities apart (2-2:30 hrs) and I come to visit her every weekend (since I work during the week Monday - Friday), if not, every other weekend by car. Last time I was over at her place (so this last Sunday) I brought up the fact that I wanted her to come over to my place, because I needed a break from driving so much, and she got very sad and defensive by me asking her to do something like this. I asked her why it was a big issue for her, and I told her that I would pay for the bus/train fare, no problem, but she says that she can’t visit me because she’s scared of travelling on the bus/train for long periods of time. I didn’t want to make it obvious, but this has clearly upset me and I have been distancing myself more and more from her. To me, this is a huge red flag. A little background to this, I lost my car in an accident in November (due to snow, nasty situation) and for all of November and December, I used any methods, any means necessary to come out to see her. Bus, parents, co-worker carpooling, train, and the list goes on, so she has all the means to come and visit me at least once on any weekend she wants to, but she won't... I even had to walk to her place at one point which took a whole 30-40 mins (because I was carrying groceries for her out in the snow), and now that I’m asking her to come and visit me, she won’t. Also, since the snow is becoming a lot heavier these days, driving is an absolute nightmare, but I don't care because it's scarier to not be able to see her. I feel like in a relationship, both parties should pull their weight and if she really loves me like she says she does, it shouldn’t be a problem for her to come and visit me. WIBTA for wanting to breakup with her because of this?
Tl;dr: I drive to see my GF every weekend, if not, every other weekend, and when I asked her to come visit me, she says she won’t/can’t. Makes me feel like I’m pulling a lot more weight here than I should be, and I feel that what she is doing to me is very unfair.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
E4t5BDO5j2OGFO3NLLqW1uuUReDcUNIp
|
aif74a
|
{
"description": "\"bullying\" my nephew and calling my sister in law a little bitch",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
AITA for "bullying" my nephew and calling my sister in law a little bitch.
|
First off, he's six. So, I'm absolutely certain he understands nothing I say to him.
Second off, I despise his mom but I didn't say it to directly her hurt feelings. It just came out.
I'm living with them because I'm still in college and we're orphans. So, there's nobody else. We're moving closer to my college and I had to clean out the garage. My nephew was also in there because he's nosy. He hates killing insects and my brother told me to let them outside. I think that's stupid and I'm not carrying a frantic, fat black widow outside. That's suicide and I hate spiders. I came across many in there and I squashed them all. One thing led to another and he started sobbing. They also have a dog so he was hugging the dog and he kissed it so, I made a joke to myself saying that its pretty gay. He started arguing with me and saying it isn't. He defiantly just said it isn't to throw a tantrum. I guarantee it.
After a while of him screaming. His mom comes and yells at me for everything he told her. She said I was bullying him and that what I did was traumatizing. I found that funny and said I know where he gets it from. She said what does that mean. I called her a little bitch. I didn't mean to say that. I was amused and in my head. I respect her for letting me near her family and living with them. I apologized. My brother is still upset. I know I reacted wrong. But, I don't think I'm an asshole for it or anything. It sounds childish and I wanted to know what other people think about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 27,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 27
}
|
WRONG
|
nS6QriDhcM0A9VMtiPKmtG4edOCOSEwy
|
b1k74z
|
{
"description": "putting in my 2 weeks notice while on vacation",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I put in my 2 weeks notice while on vacation?
|
I've worked for my current company for about three years and have never had a vacation longer than a simple 3 day weekend. My department is so small and has so few people that it's hard to schedule extended periods of time off, so I currently have about 2 and a half weeks of vacation time saved up. Would it be a total asshole move to get all my vacation time approved, then put in my 2 weeks notice while on said vacation, functionally quitting and taking 2 weeks of paid time off?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
RzxE0838ogJQkATcLxbpsB62nmF2hwTE
|
alhka4
|
{
"description": "not paying more than the deductible for my SIL's snowmobile",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not paying more than the deductible for my SIL's snowmobile?
|
All parties involved are in our 20s. Fiance and I are 5 years younger than SIL.
​
A few weeks ago my fiance and I were at his family's property. My fiance and his brother were going to go out riding. I asked fiance's sister if I could ride her sled. She said yes.
It is known in the family that I do NOT have a lot of experience riding--haven't rode much since I was a kid.
I was following BIL. A few minutes into the ride (on the trail) going 15-20mph, I was unable to make a turn. I crashed into a tree and wrecked the sled.
​
Sled is totaled, but it had full coverage on it.
In the accident I broke my arm and had some other injuries. So far medical bills have been about $5k out of pocket (high deductible health insurance unfortunately). SIL's insurance does not have injury coverage.
​
SIL paid $5500 for the sled. Insurance totaled it and is paying out at $8500. Deductible is $500.
​
​
Fiance and I decided that $500 to cover the deductible was a fair amount, especially since SIL is making money on the sled. We paid SIL in cash this week and she/his parents are pissed that it is all we are going to pay.
​
So Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
RUyjGQ4NtIPCIxtKsVIirx1zVFN39LtK
|
b9t9m2
|
{
"description": "keeping 10% of the discount",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for keeping 10% of the discount?
|
AITA for not giving my friend the full discount?
So I work for a company that gives pretty good discounts. Essentially, I can give 15% discounts to friends/family unlimited but I can get 25% discount for myself for each type of product every year (so if I bought a phone at 25% off this year, I no longer have 25% discount for phones but I still have a 15% discount for phones and 25% discount for our other products).
Anyway, I’m quitting soon so I publicized to my Facebook that if anyone needs a 15% discount, I can hook it up. My friend hits me up and asks to purchase a computer worth over $2,000. However, I hadn’t bought a computer this year so I still had my 25%. I bought the computer for him with my 25% discount but charged him for the price of the computer originally quoted (15% off), and I pocketed the other 10% (about $200 or so). I didn’t tell him about this but I feel like it’s a win-win situation. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
QBDDsa95505o9RvKLywbvZCD5DrMCjiN
|
ayksz5
|
{
"description": "reaching out to my ex through linkedin",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for reaching out to my ex through linkedin
|
My ex and I were on and off for 5 years from high school into college, and frankly, our relationship was toxic. We kept finding our way back to each other, but after a few months, we would start having the same fights where she accused me of not putting in effort even though I was spending time seeing her/talking to her every day. Then she'd dump me, usually over text, and I'd keep my distance, but I often missed her. The highs were high and the lows were low, and I'd end up reaching out (usually, she reached out and reinitiated once.)
Here's the crux of the issue: in 5 years, we never once had sex. She always had an excuse for why she didn't want to have sex with me. She wasn't a virgin or anything, she just refused. I can count on one hand the number of times she got me off in 5 years. I was constantly frustrated and incredibly horny and she'd often lead me on with false hope and then shut me down again. She would rarely say "no" outright, but she'd move away from me or say she had a headache or something. There was always something. For FIVE YEARS.
Things came to a head 2 years ago, when I got so frustrated with the lack of sex and overwhelmed by how horny and neglected I was feeling that I kept pushing her because she didn't say no. Nothing actually happened and she ended up taking a call from her dad in the middle and leaving. The next day I was blocked everywhere. Phone, email, social media, everything.
I got a lot of therapy to help me recover and move on from our relationship. I've been tempted to reach out or ask friends about her, but I've resisted because I know we aren't healthy for each other. However, therapy helped me realize that I needed to move on, and in order to do that, I had to own my part in the problems we had and our final breakup and apologize. I was still blocked in most places, but I just googled her and her linkedin came right up. I didn't ask her for anything in my apology and told her I wasn't expecting a response, but I just needed to apologize to clear my conscience and move forward.
She never responded to my message, but some of our mutual friends, including ones I haven't talked to in a long time, started coming out of the woodwork and calling me an asshole for reopening the old wounds of our relationship. I was just trying to get closure, but no one will see my side. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
QTcxuPAbCPoUn70rYp3Vy83h5rBK6HL0
|
az3c1w
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend's mom about our 4 month baby",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend's mom about our 4 month baby?
|
We are together for 9 years, our baby was born in November 2018. I am 25 and he is 26.
He is muslim and I know it's "forbidden" to have a girlfriend. But 9 years is no joke, it's a a lifetime.
I don't work for now, and it's hard to get a job where I live.
He has his own store but doesn't make any money. We don't live together, he lives with his family.
So I received a bill and had to pay it until 7 March, he sais he was going to pay for it and he didn't so they are going to cut our electricity, and he knew it and stayed at home and didn't went to his store to make some money for it. Of course I was super mad at him and told his mother he has a baby and he doesn't give money for what he needs.
The baby has to take a shot and he don't have money for it. I don't have it either it's true, but what I get for social help it's for the rent.
My plan is to go to other country and work there and give my baby a nice life.
If I didn't told his mother about the baby I am sure he would never tell her or anyone about him.
And his brother called me telling that I did wrong for telling his mother and that he will have problems in the family, and I didn't think about him (bf).
I dont't fucking care about your family, I care about my baby and his future.
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 14,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 16
}
|
RIGHT
|
oZjK1bsmuBr2bsunYZ37XQ0gGgv8BBRC
|
ayu5sb
|
{
"description": "being inefficient while serving my notice period",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being inefficient while serving my notice period?
|
Long story short, i hate going to where i work rn. I have resigned and supposed to serve my notice period of 60 days.
Liked the work initially but since a year now the work has become really uninteresting and the team mates have become difficult to deal with. This has become very stressful now. Will i be the bad guy now if i am not as 'productive' as i was/should be. I just don't want to get stressed over things that will not be a concern 2 months down the line.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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4xREWH7M8U9ih88lVyDwd7sOkKILsxyd
|
b67jv5
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"description": "ghosting my friend",
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|
AITA for ghosting my friend
|
Background is that we have been friends for almost 20 years, literally since we were in diapers. We’ve been through several formative events together and were inseparable through middle school.
We fell out of touch for awhile and reconnected a few years ago. However recently it’s really dawned on me that she’s super self centered, as in if I vent about anything she’ll completely ignore it and bring the conversation back to her and her problems. And it’s not like she’s going through a crisis, it’s literally almost always boy problems or her telling me about her most recent hookup.
I’ve also been in the process of bettering myself (working out, spending less time on social media, eating healthier, etc) and I feel like I’m super productive. I’m not a prude by any means but she smokes a shit ton of weed and that’s something I’ve simply grown out of. It wouldn’t bother me but it does make me feel like we’re on totally different wavelength.
And the cherry on the cake is her racism. It’s not super “obvious” but she makes little comments about how she could never date a POC or places are “ghetto” when they’re really just not predominately white. Or she’ll cross the street if she sees a black person walking towards her. Which is all bad enough but it’s worse because I’m dating a POC.
TLDR I have an old friend whom I’m realizing is taking a completely different path in life than me. So am I the asshole for basically ghosting her?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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arfckj
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{
"description": "telling my girlfriend that I don't like the way she acts when she drinks",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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|
AITA for telling my girlfriend that I don't like the way she acts when she drinks?
|
Me and my girlfriend are together for a few months. Everything is going well except for one thing - when she drinks, she turns into a completely different person: makes offensive jokes about people's weaknesses (sometimes to their face) and doesn't consider how they might take it, casually shares very private information about herself as well as other people (including me), talks very loudly, and generally acts like a stereotypical drunk-teenage girl even though she's in her late 20s.
​
I confronted her about this a few weeks ago, after she introduced me to her best friend that she hasn't seen in a couple of months by taking us both to a restaurant. At first, everything was fine, but after a while, the two of them got drunk, lost track of time and started gossiping about people they both know from high school and I don't know. I got a little board and didn't really mind, but after about three hours of this I told her that I wanted to go home, but didn't mind if she wanted to stay out with her friend. She ended up coming home about three hours later, and went to sleep after I rejected her attempts at coming on to me.
​
The next morning I confronted her about this, and she took it really badly. When I said that I didn't agree to sex the previous night because she acted very sloppy and I wasn't into it, she took it as if I said she's disgusting, which I made clear I don't think that. She said that because the things I criticized her for are not things that put her or anyone else in danger, than I don't get to police how she acts when she's drunk, and now I'm wondering if I'm the Asshole.
​
NOTE: she really is not an alcoholic. She doesn't drink very often, and she really is a responsible drinker. My issue is that the way she acts embarrasses herself and me. Another note is that this behavior is nothing like the way she acts when she's not drunk, and that I truly, deeply, love her for how she is when she's sober. She has this idea in mind, that the way you act when you're drunk is "the real you", because this is when all the masks come off (which I highly disagree with. How is your behavior when you're on a **mind-altering substance** "the real you"???), and that me criticizing the way she acts when she drinks means that I don't like her as a whole, which is not true.
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HISTORICAL
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at99c2
| null |
AITA for my malicious compliance with my controlling boyfriend?
|
So last night my bf and I had plans to go out on a triple date with a couple of his friends and their SO's. Well unfortunately I got stuck at work longer than expected so I got home roughly about the same time the other couples got to our house to take off. I apologize and rush to the bedroom to get ready.
I put on my make up and throw on the new dress I just got and rush back out to so we can take off. My boyfriend looks at me and says, "you aren't going out in that slutty ass dress, go put something else on." I wasn't quite sure if he was joking or not so I gave a little half giggle hoping he would give me an indication that he was joking... he wasn't, and instead says, "I'm serious you need to change."
This fully shocked me because I have never seen him act so controlling. And my dress was tight fitting and fairly short but it wasn't like my ass was hanging out or too short that I couldn't sit down without showing everything. But was just a cute dress.
We have an argument back and forth and I am so angry and humiliated by how he is treating me in front of his friends that I snap and say, "fine, I won't wear this dress." and in front of his friends I take it off throw it at him and tell him to find me something he deems more appropriate.
It was at the point that the friends realized that it was time to go and our date night was officially over.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
av2vo4
|
{
"description": "continuing to sleep around despite my FWB catching feelings",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA If I continue to sleep around despite my FWB catching feelings?
|
It’s a little complex but I’ll try to keep things clear.
This girl and I were friends for a while before things ever got intimate but we were definitely into each other. We finally hooked up after a few months knowing each other, it was fantastic, and it’s become a regular thing while remaining casual.
After I believe the second time, she asked the question and we decided that we were friends with benefits. She definitely seemed cool with that at the time and was actually the more adamant of the two of us that she didn’t want to date in college, but recently she’s dropped more and more hints that she wants something more serious, and was definitely salty when I didn’t surprise her at all on valentine’s day. However, I’ve been talking to other girls all the while and don’t really want to stop.
I don’t think this girl and I would be a terrible match, and I definitely can have fun with her outside the bedroom, but since she told me she didn’t want a relationship I did my best to suppress any feelings I had and now I’m not sure I can get that back.
Very unsure of what to do next, where to take my relationship with this girl. I also don’t know how to break it to her kindly if I decide I don’t want something serious.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
e7JYEvDMZIUvC7c1JtEPLG6k7dQ4k1fp
|
b62azc
|
{
"description": "cutting off financial support to my mother",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I cut off financial support to my mother?
|
I’m basically at a crossroads and I’m considering the possibility of cutting off my mother’s financial support as soon as next payday hits. To give a bit of background, she doesn’t make much and neither do I, but I get enough to get by and still have some money left that I use for groceries, medicine, other things we need, plus every now and then, to buy myself something nice or go out for a drink or get a pizza.
It was 100% ok up until December when my sister ended things with her now ex husband and moved in with us. My mom already knew, but it was just then that I found out about my sister’s drug habit. She had no savings, no sort of money, no assets, nothing. Since then she has started a “rehabilitation” process, and is 100% reliant on my mother, which doesn’t make much. In addition, she has and outstanding court date due in may, for trafficking charges.
This basically means that within days from getting paid, my mother runs out of money, and ends up relying on me to buy groceries, medicine, whatever. Usually I wouldn’t mind, but I’m basically subsidizing my sister’s habit of staying home all day netflixing, sleeping. We only ask that she help up with cleaning and tidying up the house but she regularly doesn’t bother to do even that. She also has no respect for me at all, despite knowing that I’m keeping food on the table for all of us throughout most of the month. I’m also having to hold back on my own plans to keep us fed.
I know, I have a complicated relationship with my sister, but my mother’s insistence on her, despite her 2 recent episodes (caused my mother to be worried sick and miss work), and jumping in to defend her at all costs when I say something, has begun to wear out my patience, no to mention that I’m having to tap into the meager savings I have in order to keep from hitting a negative bank balance.
In the most recent episode, she traded a cell phone we got her for next to nothing for drugs, and was gone for a whole day and night, leading to my mother becoming stressed and missing 4 days of work due to her depression flaring up, causing her to binge on vodka. This basically means I’ll end up having to cover these 4 days of expenses.
I’ve spoken to my mother about trying to pressure my sister into taking her treatment more seriously, trying to look for a job, and being more appreciative of what we’re doing for her, but this has fallen on deaf ears, and now I’m already beginning to feel the financial burden of carrying both of them.
Recently, for whatever reason, my sister has “worked things out” with her ex husband, and they’re back together, although, he lives in his mom’s house for the time being. According to my mother, he will start helping out with my sister’s expenses, but I find it highly doubtful it will happen.
So, would I be the asshole if I cut off financial aid to my mother? Bear in mind, there is a good chance my mother would go hungry.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
YlN2HKuJAYrB1i0c0Ld9yelvRYjL3dVa
|
avn8f8
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend for sleeping",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend for sleeping?
|
The title sums it up. My boyfriend has a problem with staying awake when we have plans to call. We've been long distance for 6 months, and had this problem the entire time. He says he can't help himself if he's in bed and tired and I've said that it's fine as long as he says goodnight first, so I'm not anxious about him being mad at me. We always end up in a cycle where he falls asleep, I get really anxious and stay up late crying thinking he's mad at me, he wakes up and promises next time he won't go in his bed if we have plans or if he's really tired he'll say goodnight. This lasts for about a week and then the whole thing repeats.
Today we were on call watching Netflix and I remembered I had to get something from the library (for an assignment due at midnight). I got stuck in the elevator and around the time I got out, he stopped responding. I didn't notice immediately but once I did, I started getting worried he was mad at me for taking so long. I texted him a lot of apologies and eventually called him. This is where I'm mad: He let me apologize and apologize for taking so long and kept saying "it's ok". It was only after I asked explicitly whether it was me taking so long that made him ignore me that he said no, he was asleep. This made me kind of annoyed—he let me keep apologizing instead of cutting me off to say he wasn't mad and had just been asleep. I clarified whether he was so tired that he'd fallen asleep at his desk or whether he had gone to his bed knowing that we had plans to call back and finish the episode and he confirmed it was the second. I needed to cool off so I said let me call you back in 5 and hung up. He called back but I declined it, then he texted me saying he was sorry. 7 minutes later I called him back and no response. It's been half an hour and no response to any calls or texts so he's clearly asleep. I broke up with him over text, saying that my anxiety over this repeatedly happening (to the point where I'm sometimes afraid to hang up even if I have to go to the bathroom because I feel like I'll come back and he won't answer and I won't know what happened) is too much for me to handle right now. I'm at a really low point with my mental illness and there's a lot going on at school.
Clearly I don't think I'm the asshole right now, but there was another time I broke up with him over this (also over text and while he was asleep). When he woke up he called me and started screaming at me and punching his phone (we were on FaceTime so it was kind of scary, which sounds dumb I know) and saying I was abandoning him and being selfish, I didn't love him and I wasn't understanding enough. I felt terrible and we ended up getting back together. I know this reaction will happen again when he wakes up. I just wanted to get an outside opinion on whether this is a stupid thing to break up over before that conversation happens, since even though I don't feel bad now I know I will then.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
mvKawOQqfICTkqNwReOdjpTiKZcyFGxb
|
ao90ak
|
{
"description": "leaving my birthday dinner",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for leaving my birthday dinner?
|
Me and my boyfriend have been together for years and I feel like he doesn’t know me. Tonight we have been out for mine and my sisters birthday meal and she LOVES fuss, I on the other hand do not. I knew something was going on and found out he arranged for a cake and for everyone to sing happy birthday but this stressed me out so much I excused myself with feeing sick and left beforehand. Now he’s upset that I left and I’m upset that he would arrange such a thing knowing how uncomfortable it would make me. AITA for leaving?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
6H59maS8iBIrziLfcRYZdL5HWAnlTUzU
|
9vl3ac
|
{
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to marry me",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Wanting My Boyfriend to Marry Me?
|
My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years this January. We have never broken up or anything like that, and have lived together for 7 years. We even moved across the country together three years ago and have two cats together. I am establishing all of this to illustrate that our relationship is very stable and solid and that we have built a life together.
Now for the issue – I currently have a full time job (with benefits), but I am planning on applying and attending graduate school soon (within the next year). My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage multiple times over the past few years, and he is always reluctant citing that he does not support the institution of marriage and is not religious (neither of us are), so why would he want to get married? From my point of view it would be for a practical purpose, which is financial and medical benefits, not at all religious. I have also told him I do not have any desire for a wedding, I’d be happy just going to the courthouse on a weekend – the marriage day itself is really of no importance to me at all.
I’m beginning to feel a bit resentful about this, because while I do understand that he is not religious or anything, to me it is about him actively making both of our lives more difficult by just refusing to get married for seemingly arbitrary, idealistic reasons.
For full disclosure as it does relate to the situation, I have struggled with depression and anxiety and he has been very supportive, even helping to convince me to get treatment shortly after we got together (within the first 1-2 years). Things have been much better for the past few years in terms of me taking responsibility and being proactive about my care, but there have been times in the past when I unintentionally put him in the position of both partner and therapist. Obviously this is not good or fair to him, and I have been seeing a professional for about a year and am stable on medication so this issue is essentially under control now. I do understand that this had an impact on our relationship, but we seemed to have moved past it at this point as things have been stable for a while now.
The other logical reason he has to not want to marry me is that I do have some credit card debt. However, I have made it extremely clear that I do NOT expect him to take on any responsibility for this debt even if we were to be married. I have been taking very active steps to control my debt over the past year and have managed to make significant improvements. I also owed him some money from when we moved across the country (he paid for the AirBnB we stayed in initially as well as the security deposit on the apartment, and we had some vet bills from one of our cats recently) and paid him back most of it a few months ago. This is to demonstrate that he is aware that I have been extremely proactive and responsible about my finances recently, compared to how I was when we met and for the first few years of our relationship.
So with all this in mind, AITA for feeling resentful that he does not want to get married?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
lMNKGvBI96s8fqL3i218NWpUpnIEdWck
|
ahj8na
|
{
"description": "berating my mom for berating my brothers",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for berating my mom for berating my brothers
|
So, my brothers(14 and 11yrs old) were figthing because one of them was listening music too loud, so i go to their room and stop the fight and make the one listening to music loud put on headphones and the problem is fixed then 5-10minutes go by and my mom goes to their room and starts asking whats happening and berating them, and they start fighting again, then i told her that why she goes to revive the fight and tells me to shut up. Reddit Am i the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
vNAPBmEykpkouXRozHef8O34yuKQpyCV
|
a7iy74
|
{
"description": "calling out my professor in a letter to him on the exam for ruining a class, despite being told by the department head/other professors and students that he was ruining the class, yet still not doing anything about it",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling out my professor in a letter to him on the exam for ruining a class, despite being told by the department head/other professors and students that he was ruining the class, yet still not doing anything about it?
|
Resubmitted, first one got removed because I used AMITA instead of AITA.
Using a throwaway because idk if anyone I know browses this subreddit. This is a pretty specific story, and I don't want anyone I know finding my reddit user. I'm starting to think that this is one of those cases where I wasn't the asshole initially, but the way I dealt with it made me one. This is gonna be kinda long, theres a few important points here, (theres a TLDR at the end).
So pretty much, I just finished the worst class I've ever taken. It was so horrible because of who taught it. I cant even say "the professor who taught it" because the prof who should have taught it didnt actually teach it. He had his SON teach it. His son (will be referred to as Dr. sometimes) has a PhD in the field, but hasnt had any actual teaching experience aside from a couple stand alone lectures nor does he work for the university I go to. For some reason the prof assigned to the course wanted his son to take care of teaching the course, instead of doing it himself. This is understandable, and tbh I don't see it as an entirely bad thing. Its a good opportunity for Dr. to learn how to teach/run a course which is good for him and his future students. Unfortunately, the execution of this was extremely poor.
Prof pretty much let his son have full control over running the class, and we ended up learning next to nothing. It was a course on Special Relativity (SR), which when first introduced is supposed to be a more conceptual thing with some math thrown in to it because its so damn weird (seriously if youre ever in the mood for your mind to be blown look it up its so cool). Every single professor and grad student I've spoken to (so A LOT) is in full agreement with this, including professors who taught the course in past years. But instead of that, he ended up teaching it like a theoretical math class (this is a second year introductory class btw). The course was 3 months, and we spent most of it being taught other things and only ended up doing SR in the last 2/2.5 weeks of the course, and there are a few aspects of it that we didnt even cover. The rest of the class was modified Newtonian dynamics (changing the classical equations to fit what we see in real life) which just included a bunch of math; other math stuff; and particle physics (which upper years in the 4th year particle physics class didnt even know how to do). To be fair, this is important stuff, but it's not the point of the course. We ended up learning next to nothing about SR, and what we did learn was crammed in to the last few weeks of the course so we didnt even have enough time to actually digest what we were learning. SR is REALLY weird and completely un-intuitive, so to really get it you have to spend time sitting with the subject matter and thinking through it and doing some conceptual problems (I was told all this by profs and grad students). We did none of this. Everything I know about the subject I learned using online resources I found myself, and theres still a lot left to learn about it. So we may have learned some other random stuff that is important to physics, but we didnt learn what the course was meant to teach us.
Not only that, but the professor who was supposed to teach it was repeatedly told by other professors before the class started not to let his son teach it. The department head said that the son could teach the tutorial section of the class, and that the professor should teach the rest. He was also advised not to let the son teach by other professors in the department. Fast forward past the first few weeks of the course, and it got back to the department head and other professors that he was letting Dr. teach the class. He was told to cut it out. He didnt. The class representatives went to him on behalf of the students to ask him to cut it out because of how bad the course was going. He still didnt. Then we wrote the first test, and it went horribly. Do you think he cut it out? NOPE. He still let his son teach, but made the 2nd and 3rd tests pretty easy so the average would be higher. The class was still running horribly, and he was still being told to cut it out (some professors even went to the Dean to complain on behalf of the students) and he never took over the class. He said it was going fine becuase the averages were higher on the 2nd and eventually 3rd test, but that was only becuase he made them easy enough so if you went to class only some of the time you could do well. He even started treating students who complained about the course like crap after this. If anyone went to him for any advice about the class, he would baisaclly tell them to drop the class, and be rude to them. He just started to brush off everyone's concerns because "well the 2nd test was good". So I'm mad.
Anyways, we wrote the exam the other day and we had some extra time left. So some of my classmates and I wrote letters to him on our exams. Mine was 2 pages (single spaced) and included the following general messege/some lines (not exactly, only what I remember):
*- I was looking forward to this because I had heard great things about you, but it turned out to be worse than the horrible first year mandatory classes taught by professors who didnt know how to teach becuase we didnt learn anything*
*- You had an obligation to us but you failed miserably.*
*- You thought you knew better than everyone in the department. Open your eyes, you didnt. You should have listened.*
*- You treated your students horribly. You owe the class representatives an apology, and I have no words for how you treated some of my classmates when they went to you for advice.*
*- You made everyone in the class feel stupid, and pushed people to drop out of the program completely.*
*- We learned next to nothing about SR, despite that being what the class was meant to teach and us pouring hours of time in to this class*
*- Its appalling to me that you let it get this bad.*
*- I'm extremely disappointed at how this whole class played out. We will be going to the Dean about this.*
*- I hope you're happy at how this turned out, none of the students are.*
*- I hope your son can learn something from this experience, at least one good thing would come out of it in that case.*
There may have been some other stuff, but I just don't remember. I think that was the worst of it.
The thing that just REALLY makes me mad is that he doesnt get how horrible that class was. I don't know what hes on, but he doesnt seem to get it. I spoke with another professor about this and he said that our concerns were heard by everyone in the department. Hes right that they were heard by everyone. All of the other professors have been more than willing to help us out with this, and have been apologizing to us about it even though it wasnt their fault. It was so bad that the department head ensured us that we would all finish with good grades, but tbh its not even the grade that I care about. Its the fact that we didnt learn what we were supposed to. Its like everyone but the prof heard us, and understood how bad it was. If he did, he would have cut this shit out a long time ago.
The thing is, hes usually a pretty nice prof. I've heard nothing but good things about him, about how he is inside and outside of the classroom. I do have respect for him, I just think what he did was absolutely despicable... and it seems that he doesnt see anything wrong with it. And its that specific part that just really gets to me.
I know that I tend to go off on things when I get mad. It's something I've been working on but I'm starting to feel like this was one of those times where I said things that I really shouldn't have said. My classmates and I will be going to the Dean to speak with them about this, and I'm starting to feel like it was best to just voice my concerns at that meeting (now that I've calmed down and talked to a prof about it). I also filled out a course evaluation where I called his class a "cluster fuck" among other things, its just that I don't like to hide behind the anonymity of the course evaluation (I did point out that I called it that in the letter). Everything I said on there I would say to his (and the Dean's) face, and fully intend to repeat what I wrote in my course evaluation/letter to their faces. Everything I said was true. But I do feel like I was being an ass writing that letter. Like it just wasnt appropriate not because it wasnt true, but because it wasnt the right time. I also didn't exactly make a huge effort to go about this in the nicest way (what I wanted to say included lots of colourful language and was much meaner, but I do actually respect the prof so...)
**TD:DR a professor had is son (who has a PhD) teach a class, when the son has no experience and doesnt work for the university. This was against the advice of literally everyone in the department (including his boss). The class went terribly, we didnt learn what we were supposed to, but he made the tests easy enough that the average was decent. He started being an ass to students who went to him for advice. If you had anything bad to say about the course, he would treat you badly. Classmates and I wrote him letters on the exam about this (some of what I said I included above) and will be meeting with the Dean about how bad this was. Now I'm starting to feel like I didnt handle it well.**
So AMITA for calling out my should-have-been-professor on the exam? Or should I have just left it to the course evaluation/meeting with the Dean? Also, was the way I put bad or should I have made more of an effort to be nicer about it? Thanks for your input!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questi
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
W5fx4wsIK8hL9y1HnfR4B2yVG1gBr51t
|
aknwcu
|
{
"description": "firing a new employee for missing their first shift",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for firing a new employee for missing their first shift?
|
So, this happened around two years ago. Last time I mentioned it on reddit I was surprised at the negative response I got. I was thinking about it today and decided I'd ask here to maybe get a wider pool of responses.
I used to work as the front desk manager for a medium sized economy hotel. Due to no fault of our own, hiring was damn near impossible. It wasn't a problem exclusive to us, I know this because if you drove down the main drag, literally everyone in our area was hiring. My girlfriend at the time worked as a manager in retail and they had trouble getting and retaining staff. My mom was a recruiter for a vehicle rental company and she had trouble getting a suitable pool of applicants.
When we managed to set up interviews, we were lucky if anyone showed up for them. We had to make a list of people not to call because people would keep applying on Indeed over and over again then never actually show up for their interview (we suspected it had to do with the quota for how many jobs you had to apply for while on unemployment).
When we managed to actually hire someone, it just wasn't working out. The job itself wasn't particularly demanding. At least not for the desk, housekeeping is another story. I don't blame anyone who doesn't want to clean dirty hotel rooms for $9/hr. I wouldn't do for my salary. Anyway, people would either never show up for their first shift, or last maybe a month. During that month they would be unreliable, calling in multiple times, always at the last second or being unreasonably late for shifts.
The AGM and I were working an obscene number of hours, usually with little to no notice.
Enter Britney. She wasn't a stellar candidate, but she was the only candidate. She had customer service experience and some night shift experience, so we thought we'd give her a try. In the interview I stressed to her the importance we placed in reliability.
The day she came in to fill out her employment paperwork, she tried to get a free room saying she would pay for it when she got her first paycheck. We don't let employees stay at the hotel period, so that was a definite no. But the AGM was a big softy, so he gave her an employee discount voucher to use at another hotel under the same family. She set up a room at a hotel about a mile away.
Two days later she was due to come in and train. I'd given her a specific time to be there. That time came and went. No sign of her, no word from her. I called the number I had reached her at to set up the interview and it had been disconnected.
So I start all over and post a new ad online for the job.
Around two hours later she finally calls, claiming that she had gotten herself stranded in the suburbs and had lost her wallet and phone. Supposedly she had borrowed some random person's phone to call me. To me, this all sounded like a lie. I informed her that missing her very first shift without any kind of notice showed poor character, and I didn't think I could rely on her to take care of the hotel. I told her we would not be moving forward with her training.
I could tell she was disappointed, but she didn't argue.
So, was I the asshole? Both the AGM and GM agreed with my call, but when I shared it on an askreddit thread about firing people, I got called heartless. I understand that shit happens, but ffs, it's your first shift, one of the earliest chances to make a good impression on your new employer. Even if she had called minutes before she was supposed to arrive I would have rescheduled. I don't think I'm unreasonable.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
JBksaJbpUTmWmtKbxSCyHaXB2ozjbXcr
|
ambtky
|
{
"description": "arguing fabric softener is not a substitute for detergent",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for arguing fabric softener is not a substitute for detergent?
|
Am I the asshole for arguing fabric softener is not a detergent while my wife says it's just a marketing trick to sell more products.
Since we ran out of detergent, she's using the fabric softener in the detergent compartment in our washing machine and says it's sufficient.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ngRsB2kzSn5GQBRNcoUOqHrAevM9POt1
|
amagia
|
{
"description": "\"ruining 3 relationships\"",
"pronormative_score": 381,
"contranormative_score": 46
}
|
AITA for "ruining 3 relationships"
|
I am a married woman who was happily married up until a few days ago. Recently my husband started talking about a new girl at work. I thought, fine, I trust him, and he has other female friends.
Soon I noticed the way he talked about her was different. He seemed really giddy, almost like when we were dating. It bothered me a bit, partly because she is 19 and I am 36, but once again, I trusted him, so I left it alone.
Occasionally when he was texting her I would ask what they were talking about, and he gave me vague answers.
One day I came home and found him talking on the phone with her. This bothered me. When he got off the phone I told him how much it bothered me. I asked to see the messages between the two of them. He said that they were private.
He mentioned that the two of them had played a game where they guessed secrets about each other, and he gave his word not to show it to anyone. I told him I felt this was too intimate of a conversation for "friends" to be having.
He mentioned that she really didn't want her boyfriend to know they were talking. Red flags went off in my mind. I told him he needed to stop talking to her. He refused, saying he didn't want to lose his friend.
Eventually I decided to let the boyfriend know that they were talking and sharing secrets. I figured I would want to know if I were him. He said she had cheated on him multiple times before, and when he asked her about it she denied everything.
After all of that, they broke up. She told my husband to stop talking to her, therefore ending their friendship, and my husband and I are in a weird space now. Am I the asshole for ruining three relationships?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 28,
"OTHER": 377,
"EVERYBODY": 18,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 381,
"WRONG": 46
}
|
RIGHT
|
VF8mmEu3vtpOub0vTDIznX9uXIdHOSQY
|
9zg0e8
|
{
"description": "deleting my cousin's bully's gta online account",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for deleting my cousin's bully's GTA Online account?
|
My cousin is still in high school and is getting bullied by this kid. So, I'm looking online and I find his account, which I decide to try to get into. I manage to get it right (password was his name) and decide to delete the account. Now he hadn't invested money into the game but he had spent 50+ hours on it. AITA for deleting it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
hJ3PQUGCGf7UxcHyUCKbyb3EJtJp5aMg
|
b2x6gl
|
{
"description": "lying to my friends about a \"discount\"",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for lying to my friends about a "discount"
|
First off I know that it is wrong and frankly I don't care, I'm just curious if other people think I'm an opportunist or just an asshole. So it goes a little something like this, I believe everything has a price because my Dad taught me that and even showed me a few tricks on how to barter. So I never pass up the chance to make a little extra on the side so occasionally I sell food or gaming systems I don't use. However getting someone to fork over 60 bucks is hard even for me. So I turn to my friends. I tell them that the product is more than it actually is for example a snes I wanted to sell I would have sold for 60 bucks I tell my friend that it is 80 bucks. then I say i will give you the "friend discount" and sell it for 20 dollars cheaper. But in reality I charge them like I would anyone else and I just pressure them into buying it with the friend discount. This has worked on a few occasions. I know it's not right but my philosophy in life is "take every opportunity even if it means risking a limb (friend in this case)" So tell me am I an asshole or an opportunist?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 18
}
|
WRONG
|
YbFko188Pte5fF2TVQp9rWE0DBf5vseE
|
b6ymw1
|
{
"description": "telling my mother not to come to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my mother not to come to my wedding?
|
Hey people of Reddit, I'm nearing the big day of my wedding and certain aspects seem to be going to hell.
To start off, my fiancée and I have been dating for 8 years and engaged the last 2. After all this time we finally decided last month "Screw it, we're getting married in May" and have been planning our wedding since then.
The wedding is going to be small and only consist of our closest friends an family, about 30-40 people total. Neither of us want a particularly large (or expensive) wedding. I have quite the large family so to keep the wedding small I only invited the family members that I actually talk to. That meant that out of my 5 siblings I only invited my older brother's family. My other siblings I never talk to and honestly can't trust most of them to behave at my wedding. My mother (Mom) was invited though and she was not happy about not inviting my other brothers and sister to the wedding. She constantly is pestering me to invite them, but I am standing firm on not doing so.
Last week we finally sent out the invitations for the wedding and again Mom was not happy with me not including my siblings. More over she became furious when she also found out that I invited my grandmother and aunts from my father's side of the family (who we'll refer to collectively as FAM). My father passed away a couple years ago in case anyone was wondering why he is not involved in this. Mom and FAM hate eachother. Mom has hated them all her life and told me stories of how they are terrible people. I only ever heard my mother's side, and Mom is infamous for stretching the truth or exaggerating to be made the victim. Mom tried telling me not to invite FAM and invite my siblings instead, as she can't even stand being in the same room is them. Again I stood firm on this. I assured her that she and FAM will be sitting on opposite sides of the banquet hall and never need to interact. On top of that FAM promised to not even confront Mom at all during the weddinh.
Then the other day Mom gave me an ultimatum: either I kick out FAM and invite my siblings or she will not go to the wedding. So I told her "fine, you aren't going". Now she has until early May to change her mind and to act like an adult for just one day for her son. She didn't respond for a few hours and later gave me some BS that I put her in the hospital due to stress. I doubt that actually happened.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole for telling my mother and my other siblings not to come to my wedding? I know they are family, but at the end of the day this is **MY** wedding, and not hers. FAM may not like my mother, but they know how important a wedding is and will set their differences aside for me and my fiancée. Is it wrong to expect the same from my own mother?
TL;DR- My mom doesn't like who I invited to my wedding, so she tried force me to uninvite them for her benefit. I said no and told my mother not to come if she can't get over that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
oQ4yz9i8z8zvET1GKuDyyeDS0OotjE2d
|
b3pg3s
|
{
"description": "cutting my friend off for saying this to me? is this me being dramatic",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for cutting my friend off for saying this to me? Is this me being dramatic?
|
23F and my friend is a guy, 23M. Had a date today with a guy and it didn’t turn out well because the guy turned out to be kind of weird. I texted my friend (who I’m pretty close too, known him since highschool) about how the guy was weird and such. And then my friend texts me saying I ‘lowkey should start tricking guys to give me money’. I don’t mean in the prostitution way, but he basically meant like just tricking guys in general. There’s been quite a few guys that liked me in the past so I think that’s why he said it, but I’m not like that at ALL and it pissed me off. I didn’t even reply. I’ve never joked about doing that, nor have I ever gave the impression that I was like that. I didn’t reply to his text and I’m debating on cutting him off just for that comment. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
yLkAvdqw853f63vJaD3FSOHEURBgqVdp
|
abx5he
|
{
"description": "not putting my future in laws in my wedding party",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I didnt put my future in laws in my wedding party?
|
I'm on mobile so sorry for any mistakes or stupid formatting.
My fiance and I have been together for about two years and just recently got engaged. I have a few years to actually plan out our wedding, but when it comes to our bridal parties I'm a but worried his family is going to throw a fit because I dont want his siblings, more specifically his sisters to be my bridesmaids.
First and foremost, I dont care who is in my fiance's party. He has two sisters and a brother, so if he wants to put them in his party thats fine and dandy. But his family and I have had a rocky relationship. We started out okay, his older sister loved me and his parents thought I was great. Then they found out I was bisexual, and even though we are in a hetero relationship, I was all of a sudden the worst person ever. They called me a faggot on the regular, along with other insults like bitch, slut, ugly, etc. My fiance would defend me when they said such things, and it got to the point where they kicked him out and he had to come stay with me or he would have had to live on the streets. They tried to cancel his student loans and his lease for his apartment. Luckily none of that went through and his education wasnt effected. His family didnt speak to him for months. They invited him home for Christmas last year, and as soon as the holiday was over they sent him back to his apartment. They told him that everything wasnt okay and they wanted it to appear fine for the rest of the family.
Now, as it stands, the past summer and the past few months with them have been a COMPLETE 180. We slowly have hung out with his family more and more, and I feel like they've gotten to know me instead of judging me based off of one or two facts. I love this, and I'm so glad that I have a better relationship with his family. They are happy for us and genuinely excited that we are spending more time with them.
With that being said, I still dont really want his sisters being bridesmaids. I'm not nearly as close with them as anyone in my potential bridal party. I'm hesitant to make plans with them considering how quickly they have changed their minds about our relationship in the past, but I can already see his family throwing a bitch fit over this.
I feel the need to include that his older sister was engaged, and it was up for debate as to whether my fiance and I were even going to be invited to the wedding. This caused an argument about how "sluts arent invited" and my future mother in law had to step in and defend me.
TLDR; My future sister in laws and I have a rocky past relationship and I dont want them to be bridesmaids, but I'm afraid this will cause issues
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bz3UuMPcLkCV5NsS1hYpo2EDyRy58FjZ
|
afo38j
|
{
"description": "skipping my Grandma's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for skipping my Grandma’s birthday?
|
I (20M) honestly don’t like that side of the family much. They’re the type of “classy” alcoholics who get drunk every family gathering. They were drinking at my mothers wake and she died of alcholism.
But on the other hand they’ve tried hard to maintain a relationship with me and I truly don’t have *a lot* of reason to dislike them. I wonder if I’m just being bitter and mean-spirited.
Also a main reason I don’t want to go is because I know my uncle, who is in recovery and one of the few sober people for me to chill with, won’t be there. Also I’m not really into celebrating birthdays. At a certain point it’s kinda egotistical.
I just prefer to keep our family encounters to Thanksgiving and Christmas. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
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}
|
WRONG
|
ZUrXdXWoYKCQ3xqvqqKn3QIn6gC8QMvE
|
aasmx3
|
{
"description": "using my biological father's Netflix account without him knowing while he ignores the fact that I exist",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for using my biological father's Netflix account without him knowing while he ignores the fact that I exist?
|
Some background - 17 year old guy, biological parents divorced when I was at least 5 and I went to live with my mom. In court it was determined that my biological father (will refer to him as biodad, reasons later) would be the one to pay alimony if anyone was going to, but my mom, being the kind person she is, decided to let it slide. I would see him every once in a while but I lived with mom.
Fast forward to 6 or 7 years ago when I was 11 or so, my mom remarries to my stepdad (whom I refer to as dad, hence confusion with titles) and we move in with him and his two children. His wife/their mom passed away many years before. From here on out the visits with biodad become even fewer and further between, essentially being holidays and 3-day weekends.
Another fast forward to this past year or so. My dad and I have agreed (with mom's consent) that my relationship with biodad has zero benefit to our family, and that we should slowly start reducing the number of times I see him. He has tried to poison my beliefs with his, which are essentially that HE agreed not to pay HER alimony, and that HE was the one that made sure they separated peacefully. All not true, obviously. And also, he decided to smoke weed in front of me on several occasions and every time we would go visit it was at his convenience and so he would have to do as little work as possible, and when I was there he was working so I was chilling at his (my grandparents, his parents', I should add) house. If I'm gonna chill I can chill at my house. He lives 2 and a half hours away in Delaware.
We start cutting him out pretty well and make some good excuses, and he buys it for the most part. This goes on for a bit until the beginning of December. What he does before a holiday is essentially pester the fuck out of me with texts like "Hey got any dates for our visit yet?" Or "Hey do you know when you can come down?" And it got to the point where I was sick of it.
My parents and I carefully crafted a response that used legitimate excuses (stretching them a bit) to say "I can't come to you, but maybe you can come here and we can go out to dinner" and he doesn't buy it.
15 or so minutes later I get a response - "I don't think so. Maybe next year. Merry Christmas." Then - "Don't bother responding that's bullshit and you know it" and "take care" and my parents and I are just kinda meh about it. Another 15 min and I get two more: "btw lose my number" and "asshole".
Then he texted my dad. He essentially said "hey I don't think I can trust [mans_best_comrade] tonight can you keep an eye on him? We were arguing and I just laid him out" which was so manipulative I had to laugh.
They called the next day and my dad essentially listened to him scream about what an ungrateful, condescending asshole I am. That's all that was.
So here we are, and he hasn't said a word to me since the "asshole" text. However, I've been using his Netflix account for years since he offered it to me, and I just thought about the fact that he probably doesn't know I'm using it without his permission. Is this a dick move or is it alright given the circumstances? (Keep in mind I'm fairly certain I'm NTA with the texting situation, I'm asking about the Netflix deal)
Really sorry it's so long it's just a lot of background!!! Thank you!!
TL;DR toxic Biological father called bullshit on excuse to not see him, is now pretending I don't exist to teach me a lesson, but I'm using his Netflix without him knowing.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
U2cjNgqZmAiFyAvAP5D2if4LVZu8Qoa4
|
b70ksj
|
{
"description": "asking my gf if she has her fb set to in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my GF if she has her fb set to in a relationship?
|
I don't use Facebook. I have a Facebook, however I'm not even friends with my GF on it that's how much I do not use it. That's why I can't just check. My GF does use FB quite a bit. We've been dating for a few months now. I'm just curious if she did it or not by herself without me asking. WIBTA if I asked her if she did and if she didn't to put in a relationship on FB. I know mine wouldn't say in a relationship, but that's because I obviously don't use mine. Is that an asshole move? I'm honestly not even worried about it all that much, but I am curious.
To me if she did it on her own that actually means something to me.
If not, it either means absolutely nothing or the opposite(she wants people to think she's not) and that we aren't all that serious.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
j1UQWmlb89qxv1c4ozXgTETrqo1pd2UK
|
apzfyj
|
{
"description": "encouraging my depressed son to go to college 1500 miles from home",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for encouraging my depressed son to go to college 1500 miles from home?
|
My son is 17 and a junior in high school. He has been receiving treatment for depression and anxiety at a psychiatric practice for about 2.5 yrs. He usually sees a Physician Assistant(PA) for meds every 2 months and a Therapist every 2 weeks. I see changes and think it's helping, but our son doesn't talk about it often and we don't ask.
We live in the US in a small town with a university of about 25,000 students. The school is pretty well known for some of the science and engineering programs. We've lived here about 2.5 yrs and don't have any other family ties or long time friends here.
For the last year or so our son has been talking about a career in Computer Science/Software Development. He takes AP and honors classes. His grades are decent but not great due to the depression. He has a 31 ACT score and about a 3.0 GPA. His top choices for college are two universities several states away, about 1500 miles. One has around 7,000 students and is more selective. The other has 30,000. They are close to recreational activities he enjoys. We told him that was great, and we thought he'd get a good education and have fun at both places. We've scheduled school visits during spring break.
My husband and I met in graduate school and have advanced degrees in science and engineering. We'll pay for all his undergraduate education. We'll support any decision our son makes. Our advice on college is: 1) Go to a 4 year university with graduate programs because you'll have opportunity to work on some interesting research projects or in a lab. 2) Go to a school in an area that you want to live because you'll have more contacts and recruitment from that area. Have fun. Don't worry about graduating in 3 years. 3)Don't go if you're not ready because it will be a waste of money. You can live at home as long as you want, but we'll expect you to work and help out around the house.
After his appointment last week, our son told us the PA didn't approve of his college choices. He said, “ I think you'll want to go somewhere closer to home. What about x college?” X college is a small private college with no graduate programs and 1,700 students. It's about 60 miles from here.
My first reaction was WTF?! Why would the PA discourage our son from one of the few things that excite him? Why would he give our son the impression that he couldn't handle it? If he thought our son should stay close, why not suggest the university in town?
Now I'm doubting our advice. What if his depression gets worse, and we're not there to see it? What if he doesn't take his meds? So, AITA for encouraging my son to go to college away from home? Maybe our son needs a closer support base. If he doesn't like it or needs to come home, he's welcome back. But am I setting him up to fail?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
U35dEQQ72GDmAFstDRxIykwOtRD8OGEX
|
b5x2hi
|
{
"description": "kicking a diabetic girl out of my forensics class group",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for kicking a diabetic girl out of my forensics class group
|
In forensics we are working on a big project where we are supposed to solve a fake crime scene. We had a group and were working on it today, but we noticed she did nothing to contribute at all. Halfway through class she got up to go to the nurses office, something about her sugar dropping, but I know it was an excuse to go away because she had chocolate bars and other candies in her bag
She shows back up about an hour later, class is almost done. Walks into class when everyone’s packing up. Everyone else is tryna seem nice about it but I always think being nice is disingenuous. They say “Hey Casey I think maybe our group would be more efficient with less distractions in it, I’m so sorry but...” all that garbage. But I just cut in “you did nothing today but pretend you’re dying, so adios!” She tried to retort “I can’t control my fucking health” so I reply “but I can control my fucking grade, adios amigos!”
So ya am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 20
}
|
WRONG
|
1L1Bod8NRJTWbcaQkBjQJSMq4am6Bcd5
|
a5arv7
|
{
"description": "leaving my friend at a movie theater",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for leaving my friend at a movie theater?
|
This happened a few days ago but is still bothering me...
My friend Karen invited a group of us (some mutual friends and some friends of hers that I didn't know) to a movie. We all met up at Karen's house and before we left for the movie, Karen and I planned to see each other at a party at our friend Andrew's house later in the evening. We ended up taking 3 separate full cars to the movie. I rode with Karen's friend, Ann, and Karen rode with our friend Joe. We watched the movie and when it ended, Ann and I stood outside of the theater and waited for the rest of the group. After 10 minutes, Karen and Joe had not come out. Ann told me she needed to leave because she had a paper to write (she's still in college), so Ann and I (and the rest of our car) left.
20 minutes later, I got a text from Karen saying she could not believe how incredibly rude I was to leave the theater without waiting for her. I told her that I was sorry, that we'd waited but I needed to leave because my ride was leaving, and that I'd plan to see her at Andrew's. She told me I had ruined her night and not to expect her for the party. I haven't talked to her since, but I have heard from mutual friends that she is still mad at me. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9vavvc
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{
"description": "having stopped talking to this girl",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for having stopped talking to this girl
|
Me and her started talking about two months ago and we went on a date and she said she was excited for our next date. Well she lives about 4 hours away from me but it's not that bad because the town she lives in I have family there. Anyways so I drive into town back in early October to hangout with some friends for the weekend and me and her were going to go out Sunday night. About 30 min before the date she says she needs to call it off because her friend is having an emergency and she needs to go help her. I think no big deal it happens. Anyways so throughout the month of October we plan on doing another date in early November nothing major just pizza and night in watching a movie. I was going to drive the 4 hours back to the town after I got off work on Saturday which was about 2:00 pm here. Anyways on the Thursday before I asked her to confirm and she texted back changing the subject. I asked her the same thing on Friday and she changed the subject again but I decided to take the gamble and just drive back on Saturday. Anyways when I get back I text her and say when does she plan to come over and 2 hours later she says "hey I hurt my back today I'm going to go home and take some medicine and stay home" and that pissed me off. I just said "ok...I hope you feel better" and I haven't texted her since. Am I the asshole for having stopped talking to her?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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auo8mq
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{
"description": "saying its a dick move to purposely get less sleep",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA,for saying its a dick move to purposely get less sleep.
|
Context im 19(M) roommate is 19(M) both college students in our final year.
​
short simple to the point. my roommate has decided he is going to restrict his sleep to 5 hours a day. I said that that's kinda a dick move since him being low on sleep is going to make him more irritable and easier to set off. AITA for thinking restricting oneself to five hours of sleep is a kinda dick move to your roommate or am i NTA
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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aqdpt1
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{
"description": "cutting contact with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting contact with my friend?
|
I struggle with a variety of emotional disorders that make life difficult, and there are certain things that can completely ruin my entire day; lack of sleep, and negative interaction at the beginning of the day are the ones that. I also have seasonal depression in the wintertime, which doesn't help. I've been under a lot of stress lately with not getting enough hours at work and looking for a second job to stay afloat, so I'm barely holding it together. I've been living a pretty normal life for a little over a year now, but it wasn't always that way. I was homeless for over a year several years ago, in which time I fell in with a bad crowd and was using drugs. Fortunately, I never became addicted, and I managed to get back on my feet, but misery loves company, so my former "friends" never stopped trying to drag me back down to where I started out with them, so I eventually moved out of state for a fresh start.
There was one friend I stayed in contact with from when I was homeless. He's not a bad person, but he is a drug addict and a compulsive liar. A lot of what he says is actually true, especially his more unbelievable stories (I've seen indisputable proof backing up most of those types of stories from him), but he always lies about little things, and it's easy to tell when he's lying. What he says won't make sense in whatever context it's in, then he'll eventually forget his own lie, slip up and tell the truth. I try to be a supportive friend because I'm the only sober person he talks to aside from his family, but whenever he comes to me with a problem and I try to give him advice, he minimizes whatever it is that he came to me about, ignores my advice, then repeats the whole cycle all over again when it bites him in the ass and he needs someone to talk to. Lately, almost everything he comes to me about revolves around this addict girl who has robbed him, cut him with a knife, tried to have people go after him, and so much more. I keep telling him that he needs to either cut her out of his life, or stop coming to me for advice every time he ignores my advice and ends up in a bad situation because of her, because I really don't have the emotional capacity to deal with it.
After several days of not hearing from him, he called me yesterday a few minutes after I woke up. His speech was all messed up, and he told me he got set up. He said he met some random supposedly sober girl on Facebook, she invited him to hang out, and ended up taking him to a house full of addicts, where they drugged him, robbed him, and held him against his will for a few days before he was able to get a hold of someone else's phone and call his brother, who came and got police involved. I feel like I could have been more supportive, but I got upset with him and told him his story didn't make sense, that I just woke up and had a job interview later in the day and couldn't be starting my day on that note, and he either needed to go to rehab or stop talking to me altogether. He basically ignored me, started minimizing the issue while simultaneously complaining about how bad the situation was, so we went around in circles for awhile. I eventually calmed down enough to have a productive conversation, but that all went out the window when he slipped up and mentioned that this "random girl he met on Facebook who he never met before" was actually the same girl who I keep warning him about. I got upset, went off on him for burdening me with this and lying to me yet again after ignoring my advice, told him I was blocking him on everything, and didn't want to hear from him until he went to rehab. As I hung up the phone, he was pleading with me, saying I'm all he has besides his family. I followed through and blocked him on everything, but I'm worried that the way I spoke to him, as well as losing a positive influence, could lead him to more self-destructive behaviors. I feel horrible for the way I handled it, and I just really need some outside perspective to know if I was really in the wrong. Maybe we're both assholes, idk.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ashln6
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{
"description": "complaining to the parents of kids who were Mean to my Son",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Complaining To The Parents Of Kids Who Were Mean To My Son?
|
My eldest son (8yo) just got back from a friends party and was visibly upset, when asked what was wrong he said some of the other kids were pushing him around and jumping on him on the bounce house, another kid grabbed him by the neck and punched him.
He said he told he the mother of the birthday boy and she brushed it off and sent him back out to play.
I messaged the mother of the birthday boy and she claims nothing happened (though I tend to doubt her honesty based on prior experience with her).
He doesn't have a history of telling tales and I have no reason not to believe him.
I also messaged the mother of the boy who punched him and she said, "It's a kids party and neither of us were there at the time to witness it."
I know my son is fairly quiet and not into horseplay so AITA for being so upset.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a64cln
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{
"description": "not wanting to work for my dad's company anymore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to work for my dad's company anymore?
|
The first term of college ended for me and it's going to be a few weeks until the next term picks up in the new year. Without this job I would not be working during my winter break.
Right now they are overloaded with work and I've been called in to help for a few days. I've done this sort of this before. I've also worked all summer long as just a regular employee.
My dad is not the boss just someone who is good friends with the boss. It's not a large company we just have around 50 employees.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
aMgfoZOz0DjBJ4L8itH0EL2gb3b5hLRe
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axwl5g
|
{
"description": "telling sister to fuck off",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling sister to fuck off
|
Me and my sister have a close relationship due to how we relate to each other and our experiences in life. My sister usually asks me to do stuff like getting something from the store or helping her out, reason for this is because in a few years I'll be moving to a different country for a job and don't want things to end on bad terms y'know? Anyways recently she got her Phone stolen at her job and asked if she could use mine and I said yes knowing she is a girl and having to go outside late can be dangerous. I just wanted make sure she was safe. and I also know she loves social media and that it would suck not to have anything to do all day but I told her there were times when i wanted it back but she seems to give absolutely 0 fucks, coming home 4 or 5 hours after the time I told her i wanted the Phone back. Just this week I told her that i wanted it back cause i had to go to school and she fucking left! 2 fucking times in a row she said she would give it but left! She fucking left! So I called her out on it and she pretended being stupid and innocent so I asked my Phone back she later came back to ask for it and the convo went like this.
Me: Nah, I deleted all your apps you can fuck off"
her: Wat??"
Me: I said you can fuck off, you dont seem to care about the rules I set up so i dont care about your needs either"
Her: Well wat do you mean? I told you already I needed it for my job"
me: No you need it consistently 24/7 you have a 8 hour job but u have the Phone all fucking day even when i tell you to give it back you dont seem to care, im tired of ur shitty attitude.
Her: I already fucking told you im trying to get a new Phone but i lost my ID"
Me: Whos fault is that? Your Phone being stolen doesnt mean that mine should be too, you always talk shit about X being a bitch to you but look at how you behave, im always so nice to you and all u do is shit on my face. (X is another sister)
Her: I never do nice things for u? Wat about clothes i bought when we went out that one time"
Me: You mean the ones I payed you back for?? Youre so fucking disgusting, I gave you 3 fucking weeks for you to get even one of those silly nokias that cost no more then a fuckin chocolate bar"
Her: Atleast give me the Phone to tell people I'll be off fo awhile"
Me: I said FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING STUPID BITCH!"
At this point I was just so frustrated, I never ask her anything she uses my products, money, laptop, clothes, xbox and she doesnt seem to care about anyone other then herself. Didnt even have the decency to return my Phone so I can call my School! But now she doesnt have a Phone and wat if something happens to her? And I do have other things besides phones to use.
Am I the asshole for wanting my Phone back?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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awlnx9
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{
"description": "ending a friendship because I was uncomfortable",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ending a friendship because I was uncomfortable
|
For about seven months I was really close friends with a guy my age (early 20s). He's always been kinda disrespectful of my boyfriend, more specifically telling me I deserve better and "he's not smart enough for me". On Christmas day we were hanging out, and this friend kissed me on the lips and then physically tried to pull me close. Naturally, I freaked out and sent him home. Since then, we've been trying to repair our friendship but it hasn't been going well. He gets upset when I want to hang with my boyfriend, and he's still telling me he'd be better for me.
After a couple months of this, I've had enough. I told him what he did on Christmas perminantly ruined our relationship, and I no longer want to try and fix it because I'm still uncomfortable and unsafe around him. When I tried to explain why we couldn't be friends anymore, he straight up told me I was wrong, I didn't know what I was doing, and I was being unfair. He now wants to talk in person. I'm positive he's going to try and convince me I'm being unfair and he deserves a billionth chance to just be friends.
AITA for being angry he thinks he can tell me how I feel, and for shutting him out in the first place?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
xruSArSJZCSDlwsGLMveiIz5YINRKwRe
|
ajs7qm
|
{
"description": "wanting my privacy",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for wanting my privacy?
|
I’ve been in a new relationship for a few months. My partner loves me very much. She’s met my mom, friends, etc.
About a month ago, we talked about infidelity in past relationships. I had an affair while in a long distance relationship and prefer not to talk about it. Specifically, the woman I cheated on.
My ex girlfriend and I still text and call sometimes. It’s mostly memes but I feel she’s my friend and I care about her. She’s been having a hard time with things. I feel like things are winding down with us and she’s expressed to me recently that she is coming to accept she and I will not be in a relationship.
My current partner recently returned from a month long trip abroad and found that I had video called my ex while she was gone. She became very upset upon finding out that I was still in contact with my ex, even though I feel it was harmless. My partner had asked me in our previous conversations about cheating whether things were resolved, and wanted to be connected on social media before her trip. I accepted her invite to follow her Instagram, but I use it sparingly.
I know my partner is uncomfortable with my past, but I don’t feel like I need to share everything when I’m not about to cheat again. She keeps saying that I’m hiding things from her. Like the real reason I didn’t want to appear on social media together was because my ex does not know about my current partner.
Relationships are tricky and I wanted to be able to share things on my own terms, but my partner feels lying is a dealbreaker. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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RqzqDbitArxRuuzExcp3nwGEG4UutDZM
|
b9s8mv
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{
"description": "not sticking up to help a r/niceguys",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not sticking up to help a r/niceguys
|
To elaborate, this kid in my class is getting bullied by two of my classmates, it’s most mostly teasing and such such as slapping his desk when he falls asleep, threating him (but not actually hurting him, which is quite common in our school, mainly cause the stigma is just all bark and no bite). But at the same time, he’s quite the r/niceguys type of person. Has a lot to say about how he’s superior to other people, talks like a intellectual (when half the shit he says doesn’t make sense), and I wouldn’t stand him too but it’s still not right.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a8fn2x
|
{
"description": "purposely telling my stepbrother the wrong time for Christmas dinner",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I purposely told my stepbrother the wrong time for Christmas dinner.
|
My step brother is always an hour and a half late no matter what sometimes later if he even bothers to show. Every year we wait on his ass to start family dinners and myself and the rest of the family is sick of it. This year I'm trying to convince my family to all tell him dinner is at noon when we really plan to start at 1:30-2. My family thinks I'm an ass for suggesting this and that we should just wait for him. I think hes an ass for showing up so late and never helping with making the meal. ( the rest of us either stay the night and meal prep in the morning or come early to help set up.) Would I be the asshole if i text him dinner is at noon.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
5HKYxEytsHa4cZnzenHiBGxbfP7BJjSc
|
9zhzlh
|
{
"description": "ghosting the guy I was dating",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting the guy I was dating? (NSFW mention)
|
I met this guy on Hinge, a dating app that's geared towards serious dates and \*relationships\*. We really hit it off and had a great first date together after a few weeks of chatting. He was new in town and starting his graduate program at my uni, so I was kind of showing him around a bit.
After the first date we both knew we really wanted to see each other again, so we scheduled the second date for the very next night. Things were going great—we had a lot of fun—until he suggested we "get out of here". We wound up at my place, where we hooked up really awkwardly and, well, he had trouble staying hard. I did my best to reassure him that it was no big deal, and it wasn't. We were both drunk, we were both nervous, and frankly I felt that we had gone to bed way too quickly. We had gone from parting with an awkward hug on the first day to sleeping together on the next. Still, though, we cuddled and watched videos until the early morning, and he went home.
We tried to talk like normal after that, but when I tried to joke about the previous night he shut me down and explained to me that he really liked hanging out with me but that he "couldn't do this right now". He insisted on being friends, and reiterated that he really liked getting to know me, but was firm that he didn't want to be intimate with me anymore. I was frankly shocked—we had gotten on so well, and what had gone wrong was so small in the grand scheme of things. But it is what it is, and people's feelings change, so what can you do?
The thing is, I ghosted him after that. I hated to admit it, even to myself, but I'd gotten attached to him and what he said really stung. I felt like I could see the future of our acquaintance stretching out before me, us carrying on with "business as usual" while I struggled to push my feelings down. Hoping against hope that one day we'd be intoxicated enough to fuck again. Unable to move past it because I would never be able to put aside the hope that he was just scared and secretly just \*waiting\* for the moment to confess his true feelings.
I've had all of one relationship that could be considered anything close to serious. Aside from that, I've pretty much only had casual flings with people. One of the reasons I didn't think to just say "no" to this guy during our second date was simply because I was so numb to the idea of having sex with someone after a few hours or even minutes that I figured that I should just get it over with and figure out the details later.
I feel shitty for doing what has essentially been done to me by guy friends in the past: revoking my friendship because the person didn't see me romantically. He's new in town and he probably \*does\* really want friends, really badly, because it's scary to be in a new place. I feel shitty for justifying the ghosting as "well I'm going to graduate soon, what's the point?", even though this graduation has \*finally\* come after 4.5 excruciating years. I feel shitty because I know I'm not ready for any of this, but I went for it anyway. I feel shitty for pursuing a relationship when what I really need is therapy (which I can finally get, thank God, when I graduate). I feel shitty for not fixing myself before trying to be with someone else. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b943h8
|
{
"description": "not telling my mom I smoke weed",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my mom I smoke weed?
|
So my sisters car is in the shop being fixed. She’s 24 I’m 20. I allowed her to drive my car for the morning since I’m off work. She went to the grocery store and I guess found my weed paraphernalia in the trunk. (Mind you I don’t smoke anymore and haven’t in 8 or 9 months.) I have left it in there and forgot. My mom is a religious woman and doesn’t believe in smoking. While I was taking a midterm this afternoon I guess my sister told my mom what she had found. So when I got home my mom was mad at me. Fuming. I feel like it was maybe wrong for my sister not to come to me first. She is no angel and I have never told her secrets.
AITA for not telling my mom?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
4J30RFKOjdcvVDlQu2JK6FptSUc428E5
|
a24kx8
|
{
"description": "not allowing my mother to have access to my bank account anymore",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not allowing my mother to have access to my bank account anymore?
|
Throwaway in case I am. So, basically, my mother has my card programmed to receive money from FaceBook since she doesn’t have her own account. Lately, she has been receiving a lot of payments because of things that may or may not be illegal (peep the throwaway), and it’s been getting annoying. Last night, she looked away while taking out cash and the machine ate the card. I won’t be able to get to the bank until Monday, and they’ll probably have to mail it out then. I honestly don’t mind waiting, I just am mad that I’m waiting over *her* mistake. I’ve told her I was sick of this before and reminded her that her boyfriend has his own account. She got annoyed that I was mad, but I still went to her FaceBook and deleted the card information. She thus flipped out, saying she’ll remember this if I ever needed anything.
So, just to be clear, my mother is mad that I (a 17 year old) won’t let her continue to use my bank account for illegal activities and is threatening to stop helping me because of it.
Should also mention that the reason she won’t use her boyfriend’s account is because his is negative, as I’m the only one in the house with legitimate jobs.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
rWMSPpGpWNaJQoKbEETwkrWmj2P9FNit
|
aipgau
|
{
"description": "making new friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making new friends?
|
AITA A friend of mine confronted me the other day, she started by apologizing to me saying that she didn't really like me when we first met because people had just assumed that we would be friends because we were close to the same age (we are both expats living in a small country but we are from different countries. We both moved here about 4 months ago) and she doesn't like to be forced into things.
After she apologized she said she was jealous of how easily I could talk to people and the ease I had talking in groups made her feel left out a lot. I never try to make her feel left out and I usually go out of my way to invite her out to events and things so I was confused, but I ended up apologizing for making her feel left out. She seemed really bothered by it but I really don't know what I could have done wrong.
We had been at a camp all week but she arrived two days later than me so I had had an opportunity to get closer with the other counselors and I actually formed some really strong friendships with them. When she had gotten to the camp I was hanging out a lot with the new friends I had made and I wasn't with her all the time, but it's not like I hang out with her all the time or that's she's my best friend anyway (she actually usually pretty much keeps her distance from me and hangs out with my roommate whenever she comes over). She confronted me on the second-to-last day of camp. I feel like I shouldn't be responsible to make sure she's interacting with people or to give her an individual invitation every time I go do something when everyone else has an open invitation.
Am I the asshole for making friends easily?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
zQDrFyY02MqVfYvvbnJhlcMOsoQk1Vf2
|
b19nmm
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend after he came out to me as being a guy",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend after he came out to me as being a guy?
|
Heyo not sure if the title made sense but here's the jist of it
​
Couple weeks ago my (Ex) girlfriend came out to me and told be that he was a guy (Gender wise, physically is a girl mentally isn't, and was a girl when i was dating him) . After a few days of deep thinking and a night out with the boys I decided that the best way for me to respect his decision was to break up with him for i am straight and i am a guy and therefore i like girls and he isn't a girl so therefore i'm not attracted to him. I felt really bad and still do, i made sure to let him know to talk to me if he needed anything and he seemed to understand why i did what i did. But guess who didn't?
The GSA club at my school.
The GSA club at my school has a huge influence on who is hated and who is supported and can quickly ruin one's reputation, soon after i broke up with my gf (IBUWGF) his new GSA friends ( Since he was trans he quickly very much supported by GSA (As he deserves to be)) started to call me Sexest, homophobic, trans-phobic and racist (idk why racist i guess if i was sexist and homophobic why not add in race) all because i broke up with a newly trans guy. This made it so most girls at my school wouldn't talk to me and my friends were afraid to be associated with me anymore
​
Am i the Asshole or are they (GSA)?
​
(I have nothing against gay, trans or other LGBTQ+ people)
​
TL;DR: Broke up with my girlfriend after they turned to a guy and the GSA club at my school said that i was an asshole for it, are they right?
​
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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cx5eSWeywCwM7VbEG2RL5d2msYIowG4l
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a0lrid
|
{
"description": "not liking that the dog only follows and likes my dad and he denies it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not liking that the dog only follows and likes my dad and he denies it?
|
Hi - so we recently got a really cute dog named reddy - but the thing is my dad pampers her way too much. to the point where she only cares about him. I do so much for her - build her stuff, make treats for her, feed her, Give her a lot of attention - and the minute my dad gets home she ditches and bites me and runs to my dad. And the worst part is my dad denies it! he always says its something like "oh i'm making turkey so thats why she cares" or "no she doesn't she's just exited to see me!". My dad has a lot of other problems that are really stupid and this is just the icing on the top - however I don't wont to bring these problems here as they are way more serious. AITA for not liking that my dog ONLY pays attention to my dad? I can never even call her. Even when I grab treats while my dads around - my dad takes them from me and feeds it to her - as she wont accept treats from me! and my mom has the same problem. AITA
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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AfBiDvoWrw5iIvE6RG29tQRSH0A1qTGY
|
ar5u72
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give my so my 800 tax refund",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give my SO my 800 tax refund?
|
Six years ago, my mother bought me a laptop for college. It wasn't a beast or anything but it could play simple games like csgo and dota. Those were basically the two main games I played with my friends. Well a year after getting it, my roommate at the time was drunk and tripped, knocked it off my desk and landed on it. Breaking the screen clean off the laptop and it would not turn on or connect to external displays.
Now, I still go to college full time and work part time at night and living pay check to pay check for my own needs. I have been using this terrible computer for 5 years now because I have no savings or emergency funds at all. Working in restaurants, I would steal food from work to eat. I make about 800 a month and rent alone is 450. With cell phone, car insurance, utilities, gas for my 30 min drive to work, etc, it gets pretty tight. So, I gave up on my laptop and asked a buddy of mine at walmart to grab me a marked down display model from the back. He came out with a 80 dollar gateway laptop that was made god knows when and I opened a walmart credit card to get it. This laptop cannot handle the software I use for my classes (it cant run basically any software other than word or google chrome. I bought shovel knight with a steam gift card I got for Christmas and the fps is so bad that I cant tell if my inputs actually do anything) and I frequently have to use other people's computers or drive to the library and pay for parking to take tests and complete assignments.
Every year my mom takes my tax refund to pay her back for the 20 dollars here, 20 there that she sends me to help pay a bill or get gas towards the end of the month.
Fast forward to now. My sweet mother decided to actually give me my refund this year which is 800 dollars. I thought this would be my only chance to get a new laptop since I never have any sort of savings whatsoever and I desperately need a new computer.
Enter my girlfriend. She makes 40k a year and blows her money left and right. Drops 60-80 dollars every other day eating out, 200 bucks on the weekend at bars, new phone every couple months, a lot of unnecessary purchases so she also, some how, lives pay check to pay check as well. Growing up with not much money, I try to help her budget her money to build some savings but she claims its her money and she can do what she wants with it. Fair enough.
We are looking at this apartment and they want a lot of money up front and she wants me to give her the 800 dollars to help offset the cost. She admitted that she can easily cover it with her next pay check but said that "its not fair" because she wants to get some tattoos with her next pay. I told her I can help split the monthly bills once we move in but I desperately need a new computer and I dont know when I will have the chance to get another one. I'm 23 (i missed a year of school due to financial issues. I have 9 months left) and she is 24 if that helps.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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8Z0jodH1Dyg1j0kgLOt6rzmveeXLgqsk
|
9tq69n
|
{
"description": "feeling upset when a coworker relates quitting smoking to quitting chocolate",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for feeling upset when a coworker relates quitting smoking to quitting chocolate
|
Tl;dr at bottom.
I’m trying to quit smoking. My work involves a lot of van travel with other people and I’m tired of both smelling like a casino in a closed van and adding the extra time of a cigarette break to every roadside stop. I have a coworker who is trying to cut down on sweets. She is constantly talking about how my addiction to cigarettes is the same exact thing as her wanting chocolate.
I haven’t mentioned or said anything to her, but for some reason this really gets to me. I don’t really think that the chemical addiction to nicotine is the same as it is for chocolate.
I really want to start this conversation with her, because addictions of any kind can be terrifying. But I’m also trying to cut out a habit that causes cancer, and has been scientifically proven to be damn hard to stop, with all sorts of emotional and physical side effects. I also really don’t want her to say “oh it’s just like me eating chocolate!” to someone else who may be struggling to quit something that is having a larger effect on their life, like a recovering alcoholic.
Tl;dr AITA for being annoyed with someone who constantly compares my addiction to cigarettes to their chocolate cravings?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
wmKeY2t30Dr1ufU9GpDm5I6kTNDLGlRG
|
b68x6x
| null |
AITA Former friend thinks I led her on and has friends call me a fuckboy
|
I was introduced to this out of school organization that did plays and stuff. Since I was new, I didn't have many friends which is why I chose to join a project of theirs. I was assigned to a team with people I barely knew so I decided to talk to the friendliest face there. We got to chatting and seemed to vibe pretty well. We'd grab food and just hang out after talking about project work. Through her, I got to befriend other people in the org and wasn't as shy as before. In my mind, Im thinking "this is going great thanks to her." She was also a person I was very open with as I told her about my problems, and thought she could be that stable friend to be there for me. It all changed when her feelings came. We went to catch a movie that we've both been waiting for alone because our two friends couldn't make it. It was fine and dandy until she kept insisting on resting her head on me and hold my hand. It was weird. I left that night with a bad feeling of what was to come.
A day later, she ended up messaging me to meet up because she had to tell me something. I went, and she told me she liked me a lot. I said I didn't, (and I really did not). She was fine at first but I heard from her friends that apparently she thought all this time that I was hitting on her. That all the friendly acts I've been doing like walking her to her friend's car in the rain after she got drunk was because apparently I had feelings for her. That me also saying "love ya man" when she seriously helped me out was leading her on. I'm a guy that genuinely thinks you can have a non romantic love or "philia". That me asking her to grab food (because our breaks coincided a lot) was me "making the moves". This whole shebang ends up blowing up as I couldn't talk to her about project stuff without her getting mad at me. What makes it worse is that her friends called me a fuck boy for not "manning up" and for playing with the feelings of their friend. It sucks that they told other people about this too. This effectively destroyed any hope of me ever coming back to the org, and had severed a lot of my relationships with those group of people.
Tldr: Girl I befriended thought I was going for her. I wasn't. Her friends told me people I'm a fuckboy.
Am I the asshole (fuck boy)?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
pPCo0DvHJbzbKs7NhvwfbZ6rtGrUjOQm
|
anbplc
| null |
AITA : Dinner Edition.
|
TL;DR: My aunt says she cooks dinner after I get done working but I come home to find she's only cooked a giant-sized portion for herself. I decide to burgle myself some dinner before I go to sleep for work the next day. Relatively minor compared to some stuff I've seen here but still potential asshole territory.
A little starters. I'm twenty, I live with my mom IN my aunt's house (which is a story for another time) and the power dynamic is a little....extremely off.
I work at a fairly shitty grocery store but it's only a few blocks from our place so I can walk there easily or bike. It's decent paying but hard work as I'm unloading trucks all day by hand. I've just worked from about 9AM to 11PM and I'm tired, I just want to go home and eat, then sleep. On the walk back I get a text from my aunt. She's said she cooked dinner and I wouldn't have to when I get home from work. Side note, I usually do that, even though my job is actual manual labor, but I do it to be nice.
I'm pretty content with that, even if it's just cheap brats and chips. Whatever. The thing is, these aren't pre-cooked sausages, they're raw. I get home, take a quick shower and get dressed before heading up and going to grab dinner. I wall past my aunt who has eight of the twelve sausages (and all eight of the buns from the pack) on a plate in front of her, they're all crammed on there and there's no room for anything else.
I basically ask her if she already out dinner away, thinking maybe I'd had an extra-long shower by accident, and she responds with "The rest are in the package, but they only take like five minutes to cook." I'm livid, this happens more than I'd care to admit and not just with sausages. I buy captain crunch, she eats it, I buy my favorite chips, she eats them, things like this. It comes across disrespectful in my opinion. After investigating the food situation I get even more pissed, thinking she was joking and I decide to do something about it.
I wall over, quickly grab two pristine, pan-fried brats off of her plate and retreat to my room to eat and sleep before I have to be up at nine again. Heard her screaming at me about "taking the food out of her mouth" and how she "never gets to eat a damn thing" around her house as I shut my door.
Am I the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
4noixt83ahNbAHYJTg0jmW38WVEfUBxP
|
ajrwhu
|
{
"description": "asking a co-worker to stop chewing with their mouth open",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I asked a co-worker to stop chewing with their mouth open?
|
I work at a university in Ontario, Canada and there are hundreds of staff in this school. So I don't know the guy in question, have no relationship with him. Frequently he takes his lunch break in the staff room at the same time as me (which is pretty large, could seat around 20-30 people).
Very rarely does anyone chat– People usually come here just to eat lunch or take a break. Additionally, there's usually only 5 people in here at any one time so it's very quiet.
This guy eats with his mouth open, and it's the sound that really bugs me. It's all you can hear. If I told him to stop chewing and eating his food like that, would I be the asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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f6uBhZRdNttGHCLqLX0Cc2c6FD0w4D34
|
afga3z
|
{
"description": "liking it clean and cool",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for liking it clean and cool?
|
So, context, I'm a 21 year old female living in a university apartment with 4 other girls. As this was a university apartment, I ended up with random roommates. I really like and get along with 3 of the girls, but one girl, I'll call her Ella, and I never really hit it off. She likes to stay in her room and doesn't ever acknowledge me when I try and speak to her. The other three are in the same situation, she just pretends she can't see or hear us.
I was the first to move in, and I kept the place at 66F because I like the cool, but bumped it to 68 the day before I knew the next girl was going to move in because I understand that's really cold for some people. I noticed however that the thermostat began to be set for 74F a few months later, and I'd just dip it back to 71F, right in the middle. This kept happening until one day a note showed up on the thermostat that said "Please leave on 73 HEAT". I talked with the other three girls and they were also not comfortable with that, especially as it's a small place and just cooking can heat it up substantially. I couldn't catch Ella, so I wrote under it "Can we compromise at 71?". Three days later she had written "Open a window" and cranked it to 75F. It drives me nuts when I come home and the place is boiling hot, especially as we are not supposed to open windows in the winter to keep heating costs down, so I started just turning off the heat when I get home to cool the place down and not, in my mind, waste energy.
Ella also refuses to take her turn taking out the trash/recycling as well because she's "only there at night anyway". This is true off all of as, as we are students as well. I tried to send a group text to remind 'everyone' to keep up with the trash when it is their turn (two of us made a list to keep track because of this very issue), and I got a response from Ella saying "some people make more trash than others so.....".
My other roommates don't want to take sides to avoid conflict, but Ella is driving me insane. I'm always too hot and I'm sick of watching the trash pile up for days as soon as it is her turn. I do have severe OCD, and some sensory processing issues, so little things like heat and messes get to me more than most. Because of this, I'm not sure if my irritation is warrented or I'm being a controlling asshole. So I'm asking Reddit, AITA?
TL;DR: I live in a 5 person apartment and can't stand 1 of them for various reasons.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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