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8NShJ1szz7EuvZfMk1hmAckVHzJuTi3z
|
amuiww
|
{
"description": "getting upset at my self-deprecating girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset at my self-deprecating girlfriend?
|
(Tldr at the bottom)
So, quick backstory. I(17F) have been friends with my current girlfriend(16F) for about half a year, and have recently started dating a month ago. The "honeymoon" stage of our relationship passed fairly quickly, and we began to have disagreements.
My girlfriend in general, is very hard on herself. She believes she's unattractive, bitchy, and seldom talks about wanting to die, which I nearly trip over myself trying to talk her out of it.
She made me promise a while ago to not be self-deprecating about myself because it hurts her, but she does the exact thing. I've mentioned more than once that it hurts me too, and that I wish she wouldn't insult herself either. She says that she would, but then seems to forget about it in a day or so.
Our most recent argument (which wasn't even really big), started with her mentioning that she forgot to wash her makeup off the night before. She says that she looks disgusting once she washes her face, and I disagree. We go back and forth a few times, and then I turn the tables, saying something like "Well, if you're that insistent, I guess. I look weird without makeup too." She vehemently denies it, and after a bit, I just say "Fine, you win." I'm not sure if that struck a nerve or anything, but she said that I couldn't just let her win like that, that she knows that there's something I want her to say. Frankly, I'm over the conversation, and I just want to drop the subject. She keeps pressing me for it, and eventually starts saying "I know, I'm sorry, I'm a bitch."
I then say that "If I want you to say anything, I genuinely want you to stop insulting yourself. If I thought that about you, I wouldn't be defending you, would I?" She apologizes, and I say that it's fine. But she keeps going on, telling me that it's not fine and that she's making a big deal out of something stupid. I try to reassure her, and we sit in silence for a few minutes. After a while, she mutters something like "I really don't know if it's going to work."
At this point, I'm near tears. We get into a fight, but neither of us get loud or aggressive. I accuse her of having no faith in me, which she says nevermind to. It eventually deescalates and comes to a stop, ending with us promising again that we'll be less harsh on ourselves.
The situation's done and over with, but I still feel guilty. Should I be more understanding to her? I just wish she would see herself in a better light more often, and I'm also tired of constantly having to fight her about herself being anything else but human dirt.
Sorry if this doesn't make clear sense, my head feels scrambled.
TLDR; Girlfriend has very low self-esteem, calls herself disgusting after taking her makeup off which eventually turns into a fight, because she begins to say that she doesn't know if we'll work out. I get upset at her constantly insulting herself, while getting angry at me when I once or twice do the same.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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1HiHw0JxWyWgX1gbERsGXX6t2rzCwEWD
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awsb9j
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{
"description": "following people to Denny's",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for following people to Denny's?
|
So I went to a bar earlier because I wanted to talk to a girl that I have a crush on, April. I wanted to ask her out at an album release party that was at a dive bar probably three miles from where I live. Long story short I saw her there but I got scared (yet again) and I didnt talk to her. Plus she was busy talking to a guy all night (not a guy she is dating just so we are clear). I remember seeing her from across the bar and about to walk up to her but I looked away for like a minute and she was gone. So I randomly asked a cute girl at the bar if she saw her, walk away. The girl was said yes and she and her friend helped me locate her on the dance floor. So I striked up a conversation with the girls. Emily and Makayla. I introduced myself and told them about April. Granted I was a little drunk (I still am as I am writing this). SO Makayla brought her buddy/cousin over, Steve. I chatted with all three of them at the patio for a good fifteen minutes. I thought i was making some new friends. I told Steve about my dillemma and he said "just tell her how you feel" and literally a minute later I saw April leaving the bar and I shouted at her through the fence and told her "bye April", she waved at me lol. so I told everyone that I had to go and take a piss and I left for literally five minutes. When I returned to the Patio everyone was gone. Now as we were talking I chatted with Emily for a few minutes and I told her I didn't mean to harass her, as I was just looking for my friend. She said "its all good". Now everyone as gone and I started riding home on my bike. I remember hearing someone say "lets go to Denny's" lol. I live a mile away from a Denny's, its on my ride home. SO I am riding home thinking I had lost them all forever. I pass by Denny;s and I look in the window and I see all four of them sitting at a table lol. I am so happy, I park my bike and walk in. I talk to all four of them and tell then that i was sorry if I creeped them out, and that i meant them no harm at all. Steve talks to me so does Makayla. LOL the look on all their faces, was priceless. They were shocked to see me, Steve asked me "did you follow us?" I said " No I live up the street and I saw you through the window." That is the honest truth. Anyways I told them all I was sorry and I left, I told Emily "thank you for helping me with my friend" and I walked out and rode home. I mean I was lonely (I am always lonely) and I just wanted to talk with some new people, that is the second main reason i went to that bar. Oh man am I gonna remember this night for a long time lol. Yes I wish they had let me in, and at the same time I understand why they did what they did. UGH I need new friends I am such a loser lol. So the question "Am i the asshole??"
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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a4j8cc
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{
"description": "getting upset with my mom for planning on a new puppy",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my mom for planning on a new puppy?
|
Some background. We have a small female, un neutered (or however you say it) cockapoo who is great. Shes calm, good with people, and obedient for the most part. We've had her for about six years now. When we originally got her, it was my mother's idea. The dog, let's call her Megatron, was extremely disobedient the first year. Constant shitting in the house, ate our food, harassed our cat of 10 years. My mother talked all the time about how pointless and hopeless this dog was, how she would give it away the next month if things didnt change. It was just a puppy doing puppy things. She didn't seem to understand that training dogs takes a while.
​
Our other, much more well behaved dog, beloved by my mother as almost another child, died about three years ago. She was understandably heartbroken as we all were. A great dog. He was about medium sized, so she not soon after started looking for another medium sized dog.
​
Fast forward to two years ago and she went to the local pet store for some dog food for Megatron. She comes back with this large puppy, about the size of a medium sized dog. Completely rash decision. I am not aware of the hurricane that is to come so am initially excited and supportive.
​
Megatron is not spayed/neutered, keep in mind, so she is extremely territorial of this new dog. She immediately does not jive with it and it sucks. He wants to play, Megatron wants to fight. The house is constantly a canine battlefield.
​
The puppy is extremely difficult, added challenge of him already being the size of a medium sized dog. He breaks out of his cart, tears up carpet, eats food from the kitchen, etc.
​
My mom and stepdad are leaving for somewhere, so they ask me to watch the house while they're gone and make sure that the puppy and Megatron get along. Two problems:
1. I have a historic phobia of dogs, and dog conflict makes me very anxious. She was around to witness this development in my early years
2. I am an extremely anxious person. I have at this point already made clear to her that I was going through a period of immense mental difficulty, as I developed a severe panic disorder out of no where.
​
To absolutely no ones surprise, shit hit the fan. The puppy immediately began causing problems. Chewing things up, getting aggressive with Megatron, scaring the cat. I called my girlfriend over to help calm me down. I was playing computer games in the living room to distract me. Dog ate my only mouse. My girlfriend leaves to get me a new mouse because shes amazing and I was worried about not having one that night as using my laptop is part of my relaxation routine. When she comes back, dog eats her new vans she just bought. When she tries to get them back, dog bites her.
​
The entire time I'm having an extreme panic attack, Megatron is very uncomfortable, cat is hiding, my girlfriends pissed. My mom never took responsibility for anything that the puppy destroyed. She never got me a new mouse, my sister new shoes. When I told her about it, her response was "That's what happens when you get a puppy". I firmly believe that it isnt what happens because it's not my puppy, it was hers. She knew the difficulty of this dog, she knew my anxiety would skyrocket.
​
The worst part is, the puppy was too much for her too. She put it up for adoption in a shelter, again. Poor dog now has to wait twice for it's owner, because my mom didn't have the responsibility for it.
​
Now shes telling me, tonight, she has her eyes on this new female puppy, three weeks old. I start off like I don't believe shes serious, but my younger sister of course feeds into this mess, because she of course never had to take care of the previous dog, or will this new one likely.
​
I tell her "I'm not babysitting this one" which she responds "I never asked you to". I said "You did the last puppy and that went horribly" and she says "Well you live here, you might have to.".
​
Kind of bunked if you ask me. I am a college student with a job that only gets me 16 hours a week avg. I like the hours because I'm still very much contending with my anxiety problem. It hasn't gotten better and it hasn't been easy to work around. I'm making some progress in some areas, but I'm also experiencing new psychotic symptoms lately such as slight hallucinations and paranoia. Shes never been good at supporting my anxiety, so I've gone this journey alone save my father and girlfriend. Therapy has been expensive and hard to find.
​
I think it's necessary to mention that because I'd be much more willing to help with the dog if I hadn't already so much reason to worry. It's her house which I am lucky enough to live in rent free, so long as I stay in school. It's her life, she can get a puppy if she wants. I won't even try to stop her, that's just not right of me. But I feel like I have the right to refuse to help take care of it, and express my general concern as to why its a horrible idea.
​
TL;DR
​
Mom historically bad with puppies. First puppy we barely kept and is now a great, small dog. Mom expected me to participate for this second, large puppy which went to shit, destroyed me and my girlfriends things, set off my anxiety disorder to all hell, and she refused to take responsibility for it. Got put up for adoption. Now she wants another new puppy which we all know will not jive with our first dog, and she also expects me to take responsibility for it.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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agstqo
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{
"description": "not disclosing my pregnancy during my job interview",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not disclosing my pregnancy during my job interview?
|
Wife doesn't have a reddit but I've told her about this sub and she had a question for everyone. Let her know your thoughts!
​
Okay, so I recently became licensed in my field and began my job search in December 2018. At the end of December I found out that I was pregnant (I don't currently have any kids). Right away I thought maybe it wasn't the best timing since I am just starting out in my career. I was hoping to get some experience under my belt before having to go on maternity leave etc. Nevertheless, I am very excited!
I have gone on a few interviews and now have accepted a job and started working. I didn't disclose to any of the possible employers that I was pregnant because I feared they would find a reason not to hire me (since by law they can't actually not hire me for being pregnant) but there are ways of getting around that. I feel kind of bad not telling my boss from the get go because in just like 7 months I'm going to have to go on leave. I am going to tell her eventually obviously but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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n9NwVhVH7JaXA2TQ2qD7RtdwuHKfUKkC
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b1f2t5
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{
"description": "wanting closure on a guy I cheated on my ex with",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For wanting closure on a guy I cheated on my ex with
|
So some time last year I met this guy (I’ll call dan) we got on brilliantly and spent nearly all our time together. At this same time I was with my boyfriend (now ex, I’ll call him Alex) and the relationship was abusive and I really felt like I couldn’t leave, I struggled to think I could be happy with anyone else and felt obliged to stay with Alex because he’d guilt me with his mental health issues and gaslight me.
I met dan after a friend of mine was secretly trying to set us up because she didn’t like Alex. I ended up cheating on Alex with Dan a lot, no sex just like making out and he’d eat me out a lot because he said he enjoyed it which is something I didn’t get in my relationship with Alex (our sex life was literally dead).
It went on for a month or two and I was seriously considering leaving Alex for Dan but I was struggling because I was so nervous, I thought Dan was so much better than me. Dan was starting to gently push me to leave Alex and I was going to, however Alex started to get suspicious of Dan and starting playing on my guilt strings and playing the mental health thing (which he wouldn’t get help for like I wanted him too so I felt obliged to look after him because we had been together for around 3 years at this point)
I just want to add at the time I didn’t realise mine and Alex’s relationship was abusive and I painted the relationship in love and couldn’t see past it, I thought it was normal because it’s all I had known from other relationships.
Anyway I dont want this post to get crazy long but in the end I didnt break up with Alex and I messed Dan about a lot and I was a major dickhead to him because my insecurities.
Me and Dan barely spoke after I turned into a massive asshole and I later met up with him for his closure and for him to basically telling me why I was a dick which is fine because I deserved it.
Ok fast forward to now I’m in a very happy very loving relationship with one of my best friends I literally wouldn’t swap him for anyone, I’m getting help for my own mental health and everything’s going great but I can’t help but think about him sometimes and I keep having dreams about him, I’ve still got some of his stuff like a birthday present I bought his mum and clothes. He’s doing great too I assume the last time I saw he was in a very happy relationship and I’m glad he found someone to be with.
So I don’t know why I think of him, I wouldn’t leave my SO now to be with him.
What I’m asking is WIBAA if I sent his stuff back to him in a box with a letter, I was planning to write all my insecurities and all the things I’d wish I had said before so I feel clear headed, I don’t want anything from it I just don’t want him to dislike me, which I know he has every right too. I don’t know how to explain it or if it makes me really selfish even thinking about it. A note that I’m not writing this for sympathy I just need to know that if I were to do that would I be in the wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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a52sjs
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{
"description": "applying to a job my office mate got recruited for",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for applying to a job my office mate got recruited for?
|
I’m currently a graduate student in an engineering program in America. I share an office with another grad student whose from a different country. She recently received a message on LinkedIn from a recruiter for a rather large computer/tech company advertising a few openings in there manufacture sector for chemical engineers. Due to being from another country and English as her third language, she had me help her draft all her emails to this recruiter and fill out the prescreening questionnaire and actual application. After she submitted all this info she showed me the job listing because she was worried she didn’t meet one of the qualifications.
Here’s where the WIBTA comes in. I scribbled down the listing number and looked it up later. Not only do I meet all the requirements, most of them I meet to a T. It’s basically my dream job, they’re literally hiring people to work on the process I’m writing my thesis on. Would I be the asshole if I applied for this job?
I’m almost sure I’d get it over her. I’m defending 5 months before she is, and it’s a time priority hire. My skill set is also more aligned, she doesn’t meet one of the 5 listed qualifications, a programming background. She’s also international and has not begun applying for any form of permanent work visa or anything, where as being a citizen I can work with no restrictions. The real kicker is, the one thing she didn’t take my advice on is the expected salary range. She wrote 95k with a 10% bonus and relocation costs, for a job that pays on average 72k with 6% bonus. If I apply I’d use a much more reasonable salary range, most likely boosting my chances.
So WIBTA if I apply for the same job as my lab mate, a job I only found out about by helping her fill out her application?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a4i36x
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{
"description": "engaging in sexual acts with a guy in a long term relationship",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA if I engage in sexual acts with a guy in a long term relationship?
|
Title explains it basically. All of our mutual friends will tell you that he's loyal to his girlfriend of two years, and even though he tends to joke a lot, he would never cheat on her. That's what it was at first, but it's certainly not just joking anymore. It's approaching that point of DEFINITELY crossing the line of no return and i can't help but think of the victim party. If I were to fuck him, would that make me a terrible person?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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|
9xrhrc
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{
"description": "wanting to return the ring",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA because i want to return the ring?
|
So my SO has been super excited and hinting about getting me something in the mail for a few weeks and it finally comes in... it's a promise ring. It's something I mentioned wanting to get (not for chastity but like, a symbol of our love for each other and I just like the idea). However, after a bit I felt something a bit off about it and it was digging into my skin and it just, didn't feel right.
She told me early on that if I didn't like it we could return it, and I said I liked it and it was fine automatically, not really processing what I had said yet. We go home and I look at it a bit more, mentioning it's pointy and she says maybe she could sand off the pointy bit or something, and agree to maybe doing that, and I find a number engraved on the inside, S925, which is common of Chinese Silver (meaning it's actually nickel and/or copper) and it generally feels thin and painted. I told my SO this and she got kind of sad because she was told it was sterling silver, and it wasn't.
She paid 50+ bucks for this. After a good 10-20 minutes of consideration, I tell her maybe we it would be better to return it and we could instead use the money to go to an event both of us wanted to go to in the next few weeks. (Though I didn't say this, though I feel like it was implied, it is an event you could definitely find a nice, handmade ring at and she could choose it herself). Upon suggesting returning it though, my SO left the room. I followed after a moment and she's mad and upset, saying that I don't even care. She's now left the room entirely, maybe to sleep or something.
She's been excited about this for weeks, and I know she really wanted me to like this gift. I was excited too, because she built up to it a lot. She has reason to be upset, and maybe I'm being an asshole but I don't want her to have spent like 60 on something that she could have bought for much less.
Especially since I don't like the ring that much, but I wasn't upfront about that fact... it's not really my style, though she said I didn't need to wear it I could just keep it somewhere, which I feel like defeats the purpose of the ring.
She feels like I'm being unappreciative of her effort into finding me a ring to represent our love, and with a whole lot of other things stressing her out, this is just another way she feels like she has failed me. I felt like I should have been upfront as soon as I got my thoughts together, but it ended up hurting her.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a7f5ty
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{
"description": "leaving my parent's house after they looked through my bags",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for leaving my parent's house after they looked through my bags?
|
Growing up with my parents, I never had any privacy. My mom would say that me wanting privacy was just me being up to no good. She would frequently kick open my door when she knew I would be getting dressed for something, and she would stand there stare at me, and call me fat, ugly, repulsive, etc. And I wasn't allowed to get her out of my room, I just had to get dressed as quick as I could at that point. This went on from puberty until I moved out of the house this past August for college, a university 3 hours away that I got a full ride to attend.
Last week I came back home from my first semester in college. As you can probably already tell, my relationship with my parents is very damaged and could very well be categorized as abusive, most of this stemming from the cultural difference as they were born and raised in a Muslim country while I was born and raised in the US (this applies). I already did not want to spend the break at my parent's house but was pretty much obligated to.
I left all of my bags in my room and went out with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I was only gone for about an hour and when I came back, my dad sits with me in my room and says my mom went through my bag and found my pipe. I smoke weed occasionally, about once a week, even less sometimes. I told him that it's not a big deal, I finished this semester with good grades, and that everyone gets out of line in college- most of my friends get shitfaced every weekend while I choose to smoke a little with friends and hang out on the weekends. This did not process well with my dad.
He started to tell me that him and my mom were going to check me into rehab to try and "reverse the addiction" that I have with marijuana. As he was saying this, I looked around my room and realized that every single one of my bags had everything taken out and thrown back in. This sight infuriated me, so I zipped up my bags and I left.
It's not about the pipe or anything. It's about the fact that I feel completely violated as a guest. I am a financially independent adult living in a new city, on the road to a science degree, but my bags still get searched by my parents. One person I brought this up with said my parents should have the right to know whats in their house, but in that case, they should be able to search through all of their friend's belongings too when they come over. But my mom started texting me that I was a shameful daughter and a disgusting person for leaving, and that she has every right, as my parent, to go through my things no matter how old I am because "that's what other parents advise online."
So, AITA for leaving my parent's house for winter break after they looked through all of my shit?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "being to have sex with a girl in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
WIBTA if i were to have sex with a girl in a relationship?
|
So some backstory:
I met this girl, well call her julia, through a mutual friend. At this point i should mention we are both 19 and dorm at our college, both of us are hours from home. We really hit it off and quickly became close friends. Since i play guitar and she has a great voice we would really often get together and play some music, mean while i think shes super hot but i know she has a BF so i never made any moves.
From the start she would complain about how much she hates her BF, and how shes only with him because she needs a place to live when she goes back to her home town during breaks and he supports her financially. She had a rough childhood and her mom kicked her out of the house. Anyway, shed always come to me for advice and what she should do, because she says her bf is a dick and shes tired of him. then one night we drank a bit with some friends and she didnt want to go back to her dorm, so i offered to let her take my bed and id take the couch. She then said she wanted to be close to me so we ended up in my bed together. We didnt have sex, but rather just talked for hours and hours before sleeping. After that however, sexual tension started becoming an issue, and we both werent shy to make it clear that it was there.
Now we are heavily contemplating sex. AITA if i end up having sex with her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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EVERYBODY
|
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WRONG
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{
"description": "not helping my \"friend\" in her time of need",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I don’t help my “friend” in her time of need.
|
So my friend and I have been “friend” for the past 10 years. We have been through a lot together, both personal trials and friendship tribulations. For the past 2 years things haven’t been as good between us, and I’ve felt like I’ve been putting in effort for nothing.
I’ve made my feelings clear when I felt we were drifting apart, and let her know I didn’t feel she was being a good friend. I thought it would change but it hasn’t.
She’s been the friend who is a friend when it benefits her, when she needs me, but I don’t feel it’s reciprocated.
She is now going through a very rough patch and has reached out to me for help. I want to be there for her but I also don’t feel she’s been there for me (she once stopped talking to me for a couple of months when I was depressed) and hasn’t made much of an effort to keep our friendship afloat.
So, Reddit, WIBTA if I tell her we aren’t friends anymore and I don’t feel like I can help her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
NW0RqOJMjJOd1KAT8fAvn875Mcco8vcw
|
ai16yk
|
{
"description": "selling something over the internet and not paying the delivery",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for selling something over the internet and not paying the delivery?
|
I had more "consumable" items which I've recieved from someone for free,and decided to sell them. A few months ago, someone called me and bought 3 items, which are roughly 30$, and I've paid the shipping, which is another 10$. 2 month ago, the same thing,3 items, 30$, and 10$ the shipping which I've paid.
Now 3 days ago he called again and told me that he wants 3 more, and did the same thing, the delivery we talked that I will pay for it again.
Now unfortunately, I wasn't at home and asked for a member of my family to ship them, but being the first time shipping something, he didn't know he has to pay for the shipping on the spot, he somehow thought that from those 30$ the delivery company will take 10$ and send us only 20$.
2 days ago this guy receives the package but it is not 30$, it is 40$. He still paid for it and got the package, but then I recieved a message that I am an asshole for taking advantage of him and lying about the shipping,and threw all kinds of threats at me over sms (It was one big sms).
I texted him back, explaining all and everything and apologizing several times, then I asked him to give me a bank account to transfer him those 10$. He never responded. I called him several times but he didn't answer.
Now, AITA? I apologized to him even after being insulted and threatened, and offered to give him the 10$ back, but he didn't reply back and I can't do anything about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
mVfStm2oLnVn85zv0fOCSHLo1pPFq5zl
|
b25kt3
|
{
"description": "not wanting to marry my gf purely for financial reasons",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to marry my gf purely for financial reasons?
|
I’ve been dating my gf for three years now. Ive been upfront about not wanting to get married, though we’ve never talked about exactly why. I grew up with divorced parents and the contrasts in our lives before and after the divorce has always stuck with me.
My gf was on the same page as me as far as marriage I thought. She says she’s been thinking about it a lot lately though and she might want to get married some day after all and wanted to know why was I REALLY so against it. So I told her. She thinks it’s a horrible reason to not even consider it.
I don’t agree. I don’t know the exact statistics, but I’ve heard it’s close to 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That’s not something to ignore. I’ve lived it personally with my parents, our lives were not nearly as comfortable as they were before the divorce.
Ignoring the divorce aspect of it, my gf also has a lot of debt. Student loans and a ton of credit card debt. I would be taking that on as my own. I just don’t see how getting married would make our lives all that different then they are now besides adding a ton of risk and debt for myself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 3
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
GK8dIOs1ilIXiQFLSHUMZPDGdmKh22bu
|
b67suc
|
{
"description": "driving on the left lane",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for driving on the left lane?
|
I was driving in I-95 (MD)on the left lane going with the flow of traffic. There were several cars ahead of me and I was keeping up with them, we we're about 5 MPH over the limit.
I then notice a car right behind me, following very closely/tailgating. The car would every now and then swerve further left perhaps to indicate that it was behind me. I could have moved to my right, even though there were cars on the immediate right lane (total of four lanes) I could've done it if I wanted to. But seeing that there were at least 10-15 cars ahead of me in this lane going around the same speed, I couldn't see how it could've helped him. Perhaps every single car would move to their right for this person to speed up on left lane? Anyway I didn't move, specially since it wouldn't have helped the tailgater anyway and I find tailgating extremely a-hole move. The person finally gave up and moved to extreme right and after that I didn't care to notice them.
State of MD doesn't have left lane pass only law, but I still feel a little guilty. Was I being an absolute ass hole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
NgFKg2sqV62W5pbjCGPPlbF7y0wKnFsz
|
acdd0t
|
{
"description": "not staying on the phone with my husband while he's commuting",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not staying on the phone with my husband while he’s commuting?
|
I think this may be an actual gray area with some different opinions, and not as clear-cut as some posts here. Or not! I guess we’ll see!
My husband (m, 48) and I (f, 49) have been married for 25 years. I’m legally disabled with multiple sclerosis and rheumatoid arthritis. We have two kids; son, 15 and daughter, 13. Son is also battling a long-term illness - he was recently diagnosed with Lyme disease and Alpha-gal. Husband works about 45-50 hours a week at a white-collar job, maybe less, and has to drive various distances to get to the different places he works. His average commute is ~1hour each way, mostly interstate.
Husband gets off work at different times, maybe 6pm, maybe 10pm, and will call me for “company” on his drive home. I do not enjoy this. Last night I was sitting on the phone with him for 40 minutes, listening to his car make road noise, him occasionally whistling, reception going in and out. The only topics of conversation he had involved what chores we got done in his absence. As soon as I put my phone on speaker and started playing solitaire, he brought up sexy time just as our son walked by.
Yes, I have told him, many times, that I prefer not to be kept on the phone doing nothing while he’s driving. I don’t like to talk on the phone, period. I have aphasia, difficulty finding words, because of multiple sclerosis. He’s of the opinion that it’s no real effort on my part to keep him company in case he gets sleepy. I’m of the opinion that he can do something else: listen to podcasts, listen to books, call his mom, brother, or sister, heck he can even call my mom! She loves to talk on the phone!
So whaddya think? Am I the asshole? Should I just suck it up and listen to his car noises for an hour so a grown man doesn’t feel lonely? And be grateful he wants to talk to me? I’m listening!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
YHH34KnA70ThlXCNfhr12hUuW37p0z8z
|
ak8vrm
|
{
"description": "not paying the tuition without being noticed beforehand",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not paying the tuition without being noticed beforehand?
|
I'm a student from a middle-income family in a selective public high school which charged a freaking high tuition and fees. Because of that the students here are crazily rich. But my family managed to merely pay those fees for my education, and we're not talking about that.
The thing is, after multiple selection rounds, I luckily got into the National Mathematics Competition (USAMO equivalent) team in my school. As a requirement, I took extra advanced Math classes to improve my skills and prepare for the competition. This is where things get crazy: the school's officials invite some professors to lecture us about more sophisticated subjects on Math.
At first, I thought these lectures would be free of charge, as they were settled on the school's behalf and there weren't a notice on fees or whatever. But until recently, the school's principal called my dad to inform the tuition, stating that the school required the family to partially pay and support the limited budget of the school, and he insisted on not telling me about this. He also called the rest of the team too, telling exactly what he wanted their families to do. My family, however, discussed with me on this subject, and decided that we wouldn't pay because of our financial circumstances. Thus, we did not respond to the call.
Yesterday, my principal wanted to have a word with me. He told me that he had called our family about the issue, which I already knew, and said that he wanted me to force my family to pay the tuition. One thing he said that really bothered me: "All of them paid their parts, except your family. Each of the families pay at least 1000$ for this. I understand you conditions, but your family have to pay, at least 500$, for it because you took part in it. If the team finds out that you didn't pay. They will see this matter as unjust".
I was at a loss for words. I wasn't noticed for the tuition before I enrolled in these lectures. And now I'm facing discrimination because I didn't pay for this. My family and I are stuck in the limbo; we are undecided about paying it. Maybe we will not pay it, but I'm not sure what I will come at.
So... AITA for not paying the fees in this case?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
IdWjt1T9Et1ejOmfM8HqBMtIa4mqLS6v
|
b4c5ko
|
{
"description": "talking to my doctor",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I talked to my doctor?
|
I had some medical testing done about two weeks ago about Problem A, with the understanding that if something showed up the doctor’s office would call. I hadn’t heard anything so I figured everything was okay.
Today one of their admin staff called me to book a follow up - I’m not sure if I sounded a little surprised or something, but she told me, “oh, don’t worry, there wasn’t anything wrong with [problem A] but [problem B] popped up and I have notes to call you to book in.”
Problem B sounds way more scary than problem A if I’m being perfectly honest, so I started to panic a bit, ask more questions. It sounds like problem B could lead to surgery and that scares me. The receptionist answers some of my questions, then tells me she wasn’t supposed to say anything to me, problem B it isn’t even a big deal, the doctor may not even mention it when I come in and he might just check up on problem A, please don’t tell him that she (the receptionist) said anything because she wasn’t supposed to.
WIBTA to tell the doctor his receptionist told me about the test already? I’m trying not to freak out, but it’s kind of out of left field and the first appointment I could get isn’t for 6 days; that’s 6 days of potential freak out time I shouldn’t have had to deal with. On the other hand she said she told me so I wouldn’t freak out about problem A, so she thought she was being kind?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
G3tka3h5kyAbOVQ6DVWk6pehaNgYdhVd
|
9t5dpm
|
{
"description": "not telling",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling?
|
AITA for not telling an abusive ex that a video of him showing off his dick is the first thing you see when you google his name? It was uploaded to a non-porn site, by a username that seems male...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
gAAQ6grNLzicuF2kdnO6Dlua8ycDyQpV
|
adetcs
|
{
"description": "locking the bathroom door in my own home",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for locking the bathroom door in my own home?
|
Long time lurker, first time poster.
I recently had an arguement with my fiancee because I always lock the door to the bathroom when ever I have to use it.
Her and I live in a single bedroom apartment with one bathroom that isn't connected to our bedroom in any way.
She told me that it makes her feel like I'm not comfortable around her or that I don't trust her to not barge in on me (which I'm kind of at a loss with) but I keep saying that I just hate the idea of anyone walking in on me in the bathroom at any time. It's not an issue with her in any way. Just can't stand the idea of someone walking in on me during my business.
Am I the asshole? Because I'm seriously lost here.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
9uuDOt69vfE2EKRIXBEA7157M86f1F0z
|
9yzjsq
|
{
"description": "completely refusing to let my parents' friends stay the night in my room in their house",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA if I completely refused to let my parents’ friends stay the night in my room in their house?
|
So I’m 17 and live at home with my parents. They have some friends that will be coming down next week and my parents decided that because they live so far away they could stay the night at our house. Fine so far. Except, staying the night implies that they both get to sleep in my room because I have a queen sized bed. It is there house of course but something just really freaks me out about two semi-strangers in my bed for a night.
Tonight I said no as hard as a could short of getting upset and they did the opposite. Looking for suggestions and or judgement if I were to go further with this.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
9uI8Janfpeu5FTs9Xomp1Wy1zP5VsF7c
|
a64k8c
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend a girl is hot",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend a girl is hot
|
So I’m in high school and I’ve been doing long distance with my girlfriend for a year and a half, we usually tell eachother everything that happened in the day, and usually have a good time, I was telling her about how at my lunch table some of my guy friends thought a girl was like a goddess, and they were waiting for her to put a popsicle in her mouth, I was telling her about how I was just laughing , "she’s not that pretty, they all think she’s so hot, she’s hot but not so hot" and then she says "oh so you think she’s hot" and I say "well yeah" “Did you tell your friends that you think she’s hot? “She asked “ well yeah I’m a guy” and she got really mad at me, she said that none of her guy friends say things like that and that my friends are a bad influence, and that I shouldn’t say things like that because I have a girlfriend even though I don’t even talk to that girl, she then asked me if I say things as creepy as my friends say “no not really if it’s something like the popsicle I’d just sit back and laugh because I think it’s funny, i don’t really point out if a girl is hot, but if one of my friends say a girl is hot and I agree well then I’ll tell them I agree” she got really upset at that and asked me for her Instagram, I told her her name because that’s all I know and then since she follows some of my friends on Instagram she looked for the one that they followed, she saw her and she told me to tell her that if I ever found a girl hot I could send her their Instagram, I asked her why and crying she said “so I can be slim thick like them” I told her that I loved her more than anyone in the world and that I would never leave her for anyone because I think that she’s the most beautiful girl in the world( my girlfriend has body image issues because her family always called her dat when she was little so she decided to loose weight and prove them all wrong, and while she did gain some of her weight I still think that she’s really beautiful, and tell her so everyday) she the. Hung up and I called her back I had to call her about 4 times and she picked up we would go back and fourth me telling her I loved her and that I would never cheat on her and her telling me that I shouldn’t call other girls hit because I have a girlfriend, and that she’s hurt because as soon as she started dating me she never felt attracted to anyone, I’m not sure what to do, I’m not cheating on her I’m just agreeing with my friends about a girls appearance, but at the same time it’s really hurting her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
fvcaZ6mRTrr0NEgU0CPIWYti6tNTele8
|
9y3ukc
|
{
"description": "being bored",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being bored?
|
I am a 20 year old who just took a family trip with my mom and dad out of state to visit family. Recently I started not liking the trips because I’m just expected to babysit and hang out with the kids only. I understand that I can’t go out with the adults because I’m not 21, that’s fine but I also don’f want to just talk to kids 13 and under either. Whenever the adults come home, usually from a bar they are all intoxicated and pretty much are in their own little world and I’m sure you know it’s incredibly hard to deal / talk to incredibly intoxicated adults. A simple solution would be to join-the adults in drinking when they get home, which I’m not allowed to do because my uncle and aunts state their kids look up to me so I have to stay sober or else they won’t have a positive role model is what they usually tell me (side note my family does know I drink and party and such, responsibly of course) I usually end up in my uncles room all day doing nothing because well, I can’t. My parents have asked me whats wrong but I feel like an asshole for not being able to have fun even though we’re on vacation, am I in the wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9MucxGslAK5oSoDDIFXZZDhU7ktrG297
|
9w2cyt
|
{
"description": "not wanting my husband to Pee in front of me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Not Wanting My Husband To Pee In Front Of Me?
|
On mobile. Sorry for errors. So my DH and I have been married 6 years, together 8. We've always said we aren't ok with openly going to the bathroom in front of each other. Tonight I was brushing my teeth and he knocked on the door. I told him to wait. He knocked again louder. I opened the door. He says "I have to pee" and barges in and goes to pee. I say "Seriously, just wait!" And he refuses. I leave. He gets mad at me for "Making this a thing". Now, here's the kicker, WE HAVE A SECOND BATHROOM. There is no reason for him to go into the bathroom I'm using to pee. When I asked why he did that he said "I didn't think it was a big deal". I responded by saying we had always said that wasn't something we did and asked why the fuck he thought it was suddenly ok. He just said "I was ready". Um clearly I was not. I know this isn't the worst fucking thing but God Dammit there is another bathroom and he could have at least asked me! Now he's mad at me and saying I'm being mean and overreacting. Maybe I am. Idk.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
zAtcQUyWkxxrJYbitrB3UGt8QdJSn3rZ
|
a3jyn8
|
{
"description": "not tipping",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not tipping?
|
So I was walking around the mall, just browsing, possibly for some shoe cleaner Ive been looking around for, I see a shoe cleaner booth nearby and check it out. Guy who works there goes up to me and asks if I would want to try a sample, I accept as a way to get my shoes cleaned for free and to check out there product. I ask there price for it guy says it's $40 and being a near broke college student I could not afford that. After guy finishes cleaning one of my shoes and says it looks good I say yea its works great, then he says I'll clean your other cuz i wouldn't want you to walk around with one clean shoe. I appreciate his thoughtfulness, afterwards i had to go, so he kind of beggingly asks for a tip for giving a sample, I decline saying that I can't man I'm sorry I need the money later and the dude didn't seem too mad but he brought up that he only gets paid commission but it had me thinking what should I have really done
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
ONOxPl3R5NpwyFQe9T0YcyHHJLAOA7cD
|
a68t4v
|
{
"description": "wanting my mil to do my dishes",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for Wanting My MIL to Do My Dishes?
|
Ok so here's the situation. My wife and I both work full-time, with day jobs and a very time-consuming side hustle that is not yet profitable. We live by ourselves in a city, and the rest of our family lives somewhere else. My wife has a brother who is much younger than her (he's 14 years old).
​
Over time, my wife and I have dedicated significant financial resources to her parents and brother. We don't pay their bills or anything like that, but:
* We've provided free food, housing, and transportation plenty of times when they've visited us (like 6 times total). ***I*** have spent money on this, far more than I've received from them. This includes feeding and housing her brother.
* I used ***my*** personal frequent flyer miles to fly them over the last time they came.
* My money has gone towards giving them relatively expensive gifts (usually like $80) over they years - usually more expensive than those they've given me.
They have done "assholish" things to us several times, such as not giving us a housewarming gift when we bought our house. Also, her brother frequently fails to help out when they visit us, sleeping in and having his face buried in his phone. I'm somewhat resentful over this, and mainly results in my wife and MIL cleaning up after him.
​
So two nights ago I had some wine and left my dirty wine glass in the sink. Last night my wife asked me to clean it, and I said "well your mom's coming over tomorrow, let her do it (since she's done our dishes before)". My wife got really mad and said that her mom was not my servant and that I should clean up after myself. I usually do not clean my wine glasses, though I do other things like handling our finances and investments.
​
So my viewpoint is that her mom would merely be helping out in a way that she has before, and that it's not unreasonable of me to leave this for her to do, especially since I've dedicated much more resources to her parents and brother over the years than they have to me. Does this make me an entitled asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
4EsOhpzif70YDTEWPVukFMkdYx06GSvM
|
avcvdw
|
{
"description": "snapping when someone said my cooking looks disgusting",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for snapping when someone said my cooking looks disgusting?
|
I live with my room mate and boyfriend, and we all contribute to the groceries for food. Room mate walks in to me cooking the filling for a pie for us three and said it looks disgusting. I snapped at told him "What the hell *name*, you wouldn't say that to someone's cooking. I'm the one cooking it". He said it was a joke and sort of slipped out.
Am I right to still be a bit mad at his *joke*?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
RIGHT
|
IeGTGTMbeSL43iVXkKXco3IzNpyQrpJt
|
b8jeyj
|
{
"description": "talking to my sister's friend without her knowing",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for talking to my sister’s friend without her knowing
|
i searched her instagram account because i knew the username, i liked a few pics on her account and dm’d a meme. i didn’t think nothing of it, but then she wanted to know me more so i told her things about me, but i knew a few thungs about her but i didn’t want her to get weirded out so i acted like i didn’t know. i just stated different things i liked and so did she, we became friends in the following 3 days we would text a lot. so i told her i had feelings for her 6 days later (which was really stupid i regret that alot) but thats what i felt.) she recently broke up with her ex that was the reason she didn’t want a relationship with me and didn’t see me as a desire for herself. i wasn’t hurt by it and it actually made a lot of sense. but after that i took her as a good friend and so did she. my sister went to a makeup event called beautycon and she happened to go there, so i asked her how that was and she said it was fun, me not remembering my sister went there, said my sister went there and she asked her name and i told her the name, and she knew immediately who she was. so i had no choice but to tell her she was my sister, she didn’t care and i told her not to tell my sister because she would flip out, she kept her promise. 3 weeks later i left my phone on the charger and a text from her was on my home screen, my sister walks in and sees the notification, she immediately yells the name of her and mocks me for liking someone really ugly. then she plays the card that i want to go out with her friends, as she was mocking her apperence and said she was only friends with her to make her ex friends jealous. as of right now, me and her friend don’t talk anymore i tried contacting her but i get ghosted. now my sister always mentions how i wanted to date her friend any chance she gets. i told her it bothers me and makes me upset, she continues to do so. and its been messing with me mentally and emotionally.
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"description": "yelling and getting angry at my friends for not drinking liquor",
"pronormative_score": 34,
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AITA for yelling and getting angry at my friends for not drinking liquor?
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So based on my name, I can’t drink. I don’t have anything against it, I have a super low tolerance and get really emotional (anger issues, start crying) if I drink alot and vomit. To me drinking is a sensitive topic.
During parties and outings my friends who are all heavy to medium weight drink like mad. They don’t force me to drink, but they do this thing where they keep pushing me to reach a goal. “You gotta take one more shot” or “reach that point in the glass”. I already feel terrible on the inside, so I just say no, i’m not pushing my limit risking vomiting all over the place. They call me names and place sips of shots at me. At this point, smelling alcohol makes me wanna vomit, so I decline again. They stop, but they still call me out. This has been happening for awhile now, where I decline and names are called.
Recently it has been irking me the wrong way, because I hear it every time I go out, and not just with close friends, acquaintances as well. I came clean and told them to stop calling me out on it every single time I’’m tired of hearing it. One of them basically said, stop being a pussy about it when you get called out. This is just guy talk, no one here actually forces you to drink, if you’re not drinking a lot, you will get called out, Don’t shift the blame on us if you can’t handle it.
At that point I got furious, I started yelling “how its is my fault when I can’t drink you can get to call me pussy. Im tired of it”. Again, got called sensitive, and its just how guys talk. I kept yelling and screaming because I can’t control the situation. To them, it is not their fault and those little remarks/call outs is not pressure/forcing me to do anything. I can walk away from drinking altogether, but I have to endure the name calling each time because it’s what guys do and I’m being a pussy about it. I feel like they don’t have my back, and now I’m just a bigger pussy to them.
AITA for being to sensitive, and it is just how guys talk? Also, AITA for yelling at my friends in this situation?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "cutting relations with an old friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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AITA for cutting relations with an old friend?
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Backstory:
I've known this friend since sophomore year of highschool and we both just graduated from college this past May. Her and I were both good friends and I used to date her best friend in highschool. After everyone went off to college, her and I kept in contact often and would skype or so a few times a week until she transferred back to the college where we eventually graduated from. Her and I have been close and we have consolidated in each other when our relationships were whack and we've hung out numerous times. I'd say she is a close friend. However though, lately we've been busy with work and all and everytime I ask to hang out, sometimes days in advance, she would blow me off or forget and never try to get back to me. The most recent interaction has been me asking to go to the fair a week in advance and her saying she might be busy but we'll see. I then asked her the day of and she sent an annoyed text saying that she told me that she wasn't going to make it when she obviously never did. I started getting annoyed with how often she would not make an effort into hanging out and recently I have just not contacted her anymore and really don't care tbh. She's a good person but she never makes time or reaches out. Reddit, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "denying my husband sex unless he helps me with chores",
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AITA for denying my husband sex unless he helps me with chores.
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I and my husband have been married for 7 years. We have 3 kids and I take care of them. He has a full-time job.
I do understand that he has a lot up his sleeve at work and works long hours. But I can't manage everything alone with 3 kids. So I started to ask him for some help around the house. But he always tells me that he's too tired for anything and just wants to have sex and sleep. So I started refusing sex unless he helped me around and it actually started working. Yesterday he told me that I was too controlling and this was tantamount to blackmail.
Am I in the wrong? AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "telling my brother's gf she's not family and hating her",
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AITA for telling my brother's gf she's not family and hating her? (Long)
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I do not deny that i can be an asshole sometimes, but AITA for this specific stuff?
I left for the Army in early January, and while I was gone my older brother's GF "Jane" moved into my room due to the abusive and drama of her living with her step-father and mother.
Shit happens while I'm in the Army and get entry seperation, and I returned home June 1st. I come home and find out that Jane moved into my room AND I find out my brother has a girlfriend, cause nobody told me.
She sleeps and lives in my brother room while my brother sleeps with me at night because our mother doesn't allow it. I have a queen size bed, so enough room.
Over the course of a couple months I learn this; Jane doesn't know how to use our washer and dryer after living there for EIGHT months and my brother has been doing both their laundry the whole time I was gone ( I always did laundry for the whole house and put it away, brother never did it) She doesn't know we lock our front and back door at night.
Every morning before she asked I asked if she had everything; phone, wallet, keys, lunch, etc.
She gets pissed at my always asking this so I stop. Four days later she asked me to get her contact lenses and glasses cause whatever happened to her contacts. Who the hell doesn't keep backup in the purse or car?
This specific moment:
My father works long days and I shop for the house and I make dinner for the whole house, main food and couple side dishes all the time.
That night I just got a Stouffer meal and made a salad and whatever else. So I see her take food out the fridge, microwave it, and eat in the kitchen right next to me.
I go to Jane in her room with my brother "John" in there. I asked why she heat up and ate food when I was making dinner. She said "I never made enough." I go back and grab the casing from the food, I go up to her and say "Then I guess your not FAMILY" while pointing at the stuffer meal package size and I walk away.
John confronts me and says If I ever said anything like that to her again, he will hit me.
When I mentioned the "not enough food" thing, she says she never said that, while I'm thinking inside "THE WHOLE FUCKING REASON MY BROTHER GOT PISSED AT ME IS BECAUSE YOU SAID THOSE FUCKING WORDS"
She makes food in the oven for her and John to snack on. She doesn't clean it up or put trash away. I ask why she doesnt clean it, she says "since i made the food to eat, someone should clean it" her and my brother are the only ones who ate. I have to clean the dishes and clean up, because she wouldnt so them,because that's how you get ants, DO YOU WANT ANTS JANE, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU GET ANTS?!
Her and my brother find a house, buy it and move in. She quits her job and is ordering custom made shit from Amazon. Whenever I go over and she does something that upsets me she says "you can't get out of MY house then"
Yeah, it's your house on paper, but it's my brother who's paying for it.
I'll come over to talk with my brother, and she's playing Sims 4 with a giant sink full of dishes and an overgrown law. (I'm not saying she should do dishes because she's a woman. Its because my brother does heating and air and lots of time he won't get home till 7 or 8pm. While she gets off at 4.
My father was upset both of them hadn't invited us over for dinner after living there for a year, using a washer and dryer my father bought them. So for thanksgiving I call my brother and say what are they bringing for Thanksgiving to the house, he tells me Jane was supposed to invite me, mom, and dad to their house ( well fuck, that was never going to happen)
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "distancing myself from a friend who was once really good to me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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AITA for distancing myself from a friend who was once really good to me?
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Throwaway account just in case friends see this.
TLDR at the end.
Backstory: I've been friends with my college roommate for about 8 years. We had some problems living together, but now that we're not, we've gotten really close and for a while, we were inseparable. When I got divorced two years ago, she was my rock. She let me move in with her immediately, I stayed with her for a month while I looked for my own place. She was always there for me and was a great friend throughout it all.
But since all of that, I feel like she's been...changing a lot? Or maybe I have? I don't really know how to explain it. She's very judgemental of others (including me) when she doesn't necessarily have her life together either. She has a lot of health problems and despite me trying to help her (encouraging her to eat better, exercise, etc.) she just continues to be really lazy and then complain about how awful she feels all the time. She got a dog who is the WORST (and I love dogs, all of them). But this dog is awful, and she refuses to do anything about training it, just complains all the time. The house smells like urine 24/7 and she lets her dog do whatever it wants, including climbing all over me while I eat. She thinks it's cute and treats this dog like it's the most amazing thing in the world, despite the issues it's causing. She used to dogsit my dogs whenever I would travel, so I feel even more awful that I can't stand her dog. I don't want to take care of it because my dogs are well behaved and my house is clean - every time her dog comes over it pees on everything. But can I really say no when she's taken care of my dogs so many times in the past?
She makes really awful financial decisions that I can't support, and does not take any sort of feedback or constructive criticism well. She will get extremely upset and go straight to crying or she'll just shut down. She's the definition of a "know-it-all" and even when I've pointed out to her that she might be being a bit rude by making me feel stupid, she will apologize but continues to do it.
Since my divorce I've found myself in a new place of bettering myself, my life and basically just getting my shit together, and she just keeps doing the same old same old while complaining about it. I hate to distance myself from her because she was so great to me in my time of need, but what can I do if she won't accept any feedback or make any effort? So, am I the asshole for pulling away from this friendship? It feels like it's at a standstill, and I want to be there for her like she was for me, but it feels like the type of situation where you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
TLDR: my friend was there for me during a really rough time, but lately she's been really shitty and I'm debating if we should stay friends, but I feel bad because she was so good to me.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "not understanding why I need to leave the house one day a week so my wife can have her alone time",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
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|
AITA for not understanding why I need to leave the house one day a week so my wife can have her alone time?
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I work from home as a software developer. My wife works at a hospital, with Wednesdays and Sundays being her only days off. We have one child. He goes to elementary school. We mostly spend Sundays together doing family stuff.
This is about Wednesdays. This is about the only day of the week she has time for her to just be by herself. I respect that. I believe it's important to have such time for yourself, and I do my best to stay out of her way as much as possible during such hours -- I'd be in my own work room behind the computer almost exclusively (save for a few minutes here and there in kitchen and toilet).
Recently though, she told me it doesn't really feel like alone time to her when I'm in the house too, even if rarely in the same room; and so she asked me if I could take the notebook PC and work outdoors (e.g., at Starbucks or the library) on Wednesdays between 9 and 5. I'm doing as asked for the time being, but told her I think it's an irrational and excessive thing to ask. I doubt that makes me an asshole, but am I wrong?
BTW: some of you might suspect she has something to hide, such as she cheating on me with someone else while I'm gone. However, I have good reasons to believe that's not the case, so I kinda hope we can skip discussing that hypothetical.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "calling out a girl at school",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
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|
AITA for calling out a girl at school
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Okay, so I am in twelfth grade in high school in Australia. We get a HSC (High School Certificate) for completing. The thing that is different is that we are all ranked against each other and scaled as well. Meaning say if everyone in the class got 100% and one person got 10% everyone would get 60% (basically communism). So you can't actually do well in a class unless everyone in that class does well. It's not every man for himself anymore. We have a major work for our sociology course (a project we have to work on for ten months, with progress check ups along the way.) We are five months in. While most people are you know, 50% done with their project, a few girls have not started, they haven't even settled on a TITLE for their project. In the Facebook discussion group for everyone in the state doing the HSC, I made a comment on a thread about the course being too hard where I said something like. "Vegetables pick it because they think it's easy and don't realize until they're stuck with it that its hard." And one of these girls writes back something like "may as well tag us if you're going to start shit." All these girls are also upvoting her comment, agreeing with her. So I thought, am I the asshole? I kind of feel like an asshole. Somebody tell me.
Let me say also, I had the BEST comeback but I didn't say it. It's shitty that I have to slave away all day everyday to finish high school with the best results I am capable of and some people couldn't give less of a shit and have to drag us all down with them. I just need you guys to be honest so I can embrace the reality of the situation I have put myself in.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "refusing to support my wife through her diagnosis after her infidelity",
"pronormative_score": 751,
"contranormative_score": 79
}
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AITA For Refusing To Support My Wife Through Her Diagnosis After Her Infidelity
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My wife and I had a pretty normal marriage. No kids, both employed and really happy together. For 99% of our relationship we didn't have any major problems, we made time for each other, so on and so forth.
She recently went away with her friend for a girls trip. The first two days after she came back everything was fine, and on the third we went to dinner with this friend and her boyfriend. Dinner went well, came home and went to bed. Wife woke me up in the middle of the night crying saying there was something she had to tell me. Long story short, she had cheated on me the entire trip and her friend had cheated on her boyfriend as well, apparently the dinner together caused her to have an attack of conscience because she messaged my wife after I had fallen asleep telling her that she was going to come clean to her partner and my wife had to tell me as well or she would.
We talked, yelled, cried. I spent most of the night sick. Told me it was just a horribly stupid decision and was perfectly happy with me, it wasn't my fault, the usual. I've been staying at my sister's place while we figure out the divorce.
Before this went down she had been scheduled for tests and scans for what we thought were relatively non-serious health problems. Turns out we were wrong, as I was just contacted last week by her cousin telling me a scan revealed cancer. I got in touch with my wife and we talked, she proved her diagnosis and filled me in on some details. She was understandably terrified and begged me to come back, to talk to her, hug her, give her a chance, to be there with her. I told her I wished her all the best, I'm very sorry for what she's going through and know she's strong enough to make it through but while I'd help financially from a distance, I wasn't physically going back.
They (not her) have been harassing me, telling me to man up and go to her. My own friends are split 50/50. I don't want to go back. Before anyone pulls the "this is probably why she cheated!" card, no. We had a good marriage, we had a sit-down talk every month to discuss anything wrong. We were solid. She just chose to take a chance on a quick thrill, despite knowing cheating is a 100% dealbreaker for me. She never even planned to tell me until her friend forced her. While I certainly don't think anyone deserves this and I am sorry it happened to her, in my opinion her diagnosis doesn't change our situation. I feel it'll be harder on both of us with me being there knowing I won't forgive her when it's over. It feels like prolonging the inevitable, and I feel like my obligation to her ended when she chose to betray our marriage. She has family and friends so she isn't alone. I care about the woman I thought I married, but I no longer love who she turned out to be, so I feel it'd be unfair to both of us for me to be there. I'm not trying to punish her, my heart just isn't in it anymore. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "being offended by the fact that my family thinks I am acting like a bitch",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for being offended by the fact that my family thinks I am acting like a bitch.
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I’ll try to be clear but English is not my first language so please be patient.
I (32F) had a 6 year relationship with my ex (28M), let’s call him Joe.
When we broke up we keep on being friends, I know that’s kind of stupid but we used to work together so it was important to keep things peaceful.
Few years of friendship later we (stupidly again) decided to live together because it was cheaper to share a rent. All was good for a few months until he started getting romantic with me again. A couple of drinks later we had sex. And that’s how we fell in this super unhealthy “relationship” of casual sex. I had to stop him because I knew it was going to cause troubles in some way eventually. He got mad.
He continued living with me but he was rude all the time and started talking to me in a really shitty way, until one day I confronted him and even though he denied all his toxic behavior he told me he decided to leave and that I no longer had a roommate, so I ended up having to pay rent all by myself and of course he didn’t care if I could afford it or not.
I struggled a lot for a couple of months until I got back on my feet. And of course I stopped all contact with him.
Every now and then I go to my dad’s house to visit and do my laundry. A week after Joe left the house we shared, my dad told me he had visited him and my brother and his wife (who live with my dad). I was puzzled and angry but didn’t said anything.
But as this “reunions” keep on happening I called Joe and told him I was still mad at him and to please stop visiting MY FAMILY. And he said he appreciate my brother and they are friends and he sees no wrong in visiting every weekend to have a couple of beers. I told him it was uncomfortable for me because we were no longer friends and what he did to me was shitty.
He said I was being dramatic.
So my next step was to talk to my brother and my sister in law and after telling them all the situation they surprisingly (to me) agreed with Joe, telling me what a great friend he was to them and how they think it’s cool he visits and that I should relax and stop being such a bitch.
So here I am, thinking if I am the asshole and I am really overreacting when suddenly I see a Facebook post of Joe with his new girlfriend sitting on my dad’s house porch. What? Why? How am I supposed to react? I mean, I think I am handling the situation peacefully but it’s been weeks since the last time I went to my dad’s house because every weekend there they are, Joe and his girl, having a blast with my brother and his wife.
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| null |
AITA A family matter
|
Last year for father's day, my husband and his very white family (mother, father, brother, brother's wife) celebrated it at a local diner. I worked at a neighborhood pharmacy at the time and the busboy (He came to the country less than 18 months prior and only spoke Spanish) was one of my patients. He came over to our table doing his job just pouring us waters. When we recognized each other, I immediately asked about how his extremely sick mother was doing after her recent surgery because not only did he go to my pharmacy but so did his whole family and they all knew who I am. After the first 60 seconds of our brief conversation, my mother-in-law started Yelling "You are being rude. You can't speak Spanish in front of us, it's rude! Is he going to take our orders or should I find someone who wants to to their job?"
As the whole restaurant had their eyes on us, my husband stopped her right then&there and told her she was the rude one. His father and brother put their heads down in shame from what she had just done but surprisingly my sister-in-law shook her head agreeing with my mother-in-law. The busboy just stood their embarrassed and scared. I tried to defuse the situation by apologizing to him for her behavior and told him that she just was interested in ordering her food because he didn't deserve what hate she was spewing and he deserved an apology that he would never receive from her.
After that day, I haven't spoken to any of my in-laws. My husband's has been on my side about it. His parents are typical old white people that feel they are in their right. They probably haven't thought about that day again but I think about it all the time.
My question is this; Am I in the right to feel I deserve an apology from not only my mother-in-law but also my sister-in-law? I know my mother-in-law was the one yelling but I feel my sister-in-law is also guilty by agreeing with her. I keep feeling like I'm an asshole to ask for an apology since it has been 10 months and I've gotten nothing. My husband thinks I should just move forward, ignore what happened and start attending their family affairs but I just can't do it until his family addresses what happened.
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{
"description": "telling an online person to chill down when a troll insulted them",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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|
AITA for telling an online person to chill down when a troll insulted them?
|
So a while ago I was on Amino, which is a pretty cool platform. So on one Amino, I was pretty active and kept in touch with a few people around there. One day, a troll, and I mean, the most obvious troll I've ever seen kicks in and starts shitposting. Then a person with whom I chatted with tried to cool him down but the troll insulted them. And from the way they reacted, I could tell that they were pretty affected. I firmly believed that they are overreacting and instead of consoling them, I told them that it really is not that big of a deal, and that the other person was obviously a troll and they should not get so affected by what a random guy says on the internet. Then they got very angry at me and tried to explain me how much words can affect someone and stuff like that.
On top of that, the troll only gave them 2 short messages, just calling them names. I REALLY think it wasn't that big of a deal.
So, AITA for telling an online person to not get so affected by the words of a troll?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting my gf to drink on her birthday",
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|
AITA for not wanting my gf(17) to drink on her birthday?
|
We're spending the day at her cousins for her 17th birthday and she asked her mom if she could have a beer, her mom said that she doesnt think its the best idea but gave her one anyways. Now ive (16) voiced my opinion very strongly to her on why im against underage drinking and smoking and i told her if she ever did anything like that i would get upset. A week from today we'll have been dating for a year. She decided to take the drink and after i while i asked her she could stop drinking it. She asked my why. I told her that i dont like it and its upsetting to me. After a while, this argument got to the point where she told me to just leave. I was shocked and a little hurt so i asked her why. She said i was ruining her party (close family) and if i was going to stay, i couldnt be upset with her. I told her that she knew it would upset me but she did it anyways. Thats when she told me that she doesnt care if she upsets me and that she really wants me to leave. I didnt really know what to say so i told her im sorry for ruining her party but she told me to leave anyways. So thats where this is now. Not really sure what to do so, am i the asshole? (reposted with title change, moble wouldnt let me change the title)
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"description": "being this Upset over dirty dishes",
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AITA For Being This Upset Over Dirty Dishes?
|
Hi, I'd like to first give a disclaimer because I am on mobile.
About a year ago when I graduated highschool I moved in with my sister who is 6 years older than me and has a daughter who is 10 years younger than me. It was great because she had an apartment with an extra bedroom, and I had no idea where I wanted my life to go after I graduated. Not to mention I had already been staying with her over weekends and breaks because my niece has a (currently undiagnosed) developmental delay, she barely talks or signs and can be a little agressive and clumsy, and my family does not trust her with people we don't know well.
After less than a month of living with them my sister had helped me get a job in the pharmacy where she worked and everything was good. Then the next spring we decided it was a good idea to move across town to be closer to my niece's school because the apartment complex was horribly managed.
We were beyond lucky to get approved to rent half of a duplex 2 blocks away from the school and around 1.5 miles from our workplace for near the same price as our apartment. However that's when things took a slight downward turn.
My sister in general has always taken care of the bigger bills like rent, where as I take care of more of the smaller ones since I hadn't had as long as her to save up (babysitting all through high school ment it was pointless for me to get a part time job since i was never in town). This ment that while I was buying new household items we would need she was paying a month of rent on each place while we moved.
Around this time my niece also needed to get dental surgery, which wouldn't have been bad if they hadn't had to put her under to do it (she gets aggressive around strangers especially ones that touch her) this came out to a much larger bill than my sister was quoted which lead to her being really stressed.
Given how stressed she was I was drawn to do anything I could to try and make her feel less stressed, as I tend to be a very empathetic person and her stress was physically effecting my neice and me. So I would buy her her favorite coffee, I started making more "adult" meals, and I also took to doing the dishes every night.
It's been nearly 9 months now and my sister is no longer a walking ball of stress, but I still clean the kitchen and do the dishes every night. And I know it shouldn't be a big deal. But I just find it exhausting after working all day while she's been home to just see a stack of dishes in the sink that I know I will end up cleaning.
The only times she's done the dishes are when I was sick or not home, and it's almost like she's come to a point of "it's not my problem" with them where she'll use an excessive amount of dishes over the day and not even bother rinsing them off. She never puts the clean dishes away, and only sweeps or mops if my niece makes a particularly large mess on the floor.
I've reached a point where 90% of the time it's an emotional and physical chore to deal with and I'll procrastinate until late night to do it even though I'd rather go to sleep right away. I just get stupidly depressed every day when I look at our kitchen and see all the mess she's left for me.
We work roughly the same amount of hours doing the same type of work, and we both take charge of cleaning the rest of the house. However I just feel like it would be a dick move to make a big deal over a dirty kitchen. Especially given how much my sister does for me all the time and has been doing since I was born.
tl;dr My sister basically set me up with a dream life for a 19 year old where I have a job (with benefits) a house and anything I could need. However after 9 months of cleaning our kitchen every night I'm annoyed and exhausted that she doesn't help.
Am I the asshole? Would I be the asshole for complaining to her about something this small?
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{
"description": "calling animal control on what could potentially be a neighbor's pet",
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WIBTA to call animal control on what could potentially be a neighbor’s pet?
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My husband and I just bought a house in a neighborhood and we have 2 young kids (toddler and infant). The other day I was loading my kids into the car when a very large dog appeared in our driveway. I don’t know much about dogs and it scared me. I jumped in the car and finished buckling my kids from the inside. The dog proceeded to walk around our yard like he knew the place. No collar. I’ve seen him a few times since and honestly it makes me nervous to even be outside with my kids not knowing when he’ll appear or if he’ll try to hurt us. Today I had a similar experience with a different dog (this one with a collar) which ran into my garage as I was working on a project in there, and sent me running back into the house. You can probably tell I didn’t grow up with dogs and have a bit of a fear.
I grew up in a different part of the country and I never saw dogs just running around, they’d either be fenced in or on leashes. We just moved across the country and are adjusting to a lot of cultural differences. I’ve asked some of the people we’ve met here and they’ve said this is more normal here to just let your dogs run around. Basically the advice has been if the dog seems friendly, no problem.
My gut is to call animal control (not on the dog with the collar, but on the other one which I’ve never seen with a person, just roaming). I’d like to be able to play outside with my children in my own yard without feeling like my head needs to be on a swivel. What makes me unsure about calling is that it doesn’t seem “wild”. It had a nice coat and looks decently well behaved and hasn’t actually bothered us. If I had to guess, I’d say a neighbor owns it. But I have no idea who. We moved in two weeks ago so I don’t know any of our neighbors yet.
WIBTA to call animal control on what could potentially be a neighbor’s pet?
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{
"description": "not driving my co-worker to lunch every time",
"pronormative_score": 48,
"contranormative_score": 1
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AITA for not driving my co-worker to lunch every time?
|
I drive an electric vehicle. At my office we have free electric vehicle chargers, which are usually in use by the time I get to work, but most of the time available in the afternoons, after lunch. This information is relevant.
I have a card that I paid $100 for which gives me free unlimited meals at a local restaurant for two months. I also have an extra card that my SO uses.
A co-worker of mine has been coming with me a few times a week to this restaurant and eating for free on my extra card, only has to tip for his portion. I have always driven for lunch, and co-worker has never offered to drive as my “gas is free” having the free electricity at work.
Co-worker asked me this morning if we were going to the restaurant today for lunch. I replied that I forgot to charge my car yesterday and was only at 10%, so if he wanted free lunch, he’d have to drive us. He has a fairly recent car and the restaurant is about 2 miles away.
Co-worker gets mad and sent this over chat:
“On a scale of 1 to 10
How much of a tool are you
To suggest lunch off site
Knowing full well that 100% of the time, up until now, you have provided transportation
Only to say that it can now only happen
Because your car, which uses ‘renewable energy’
...which you can obtain either for free, or for much less than gas only at 10%
If the other person drives”
A charging spot opened up early with someone heading off-site. I plugged, charged up, and moved my car already but am not telling co-worker so I don’t have to drive every single time.
AITA for not driving my co-worker to lunch?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "getting upset with my mom and her new boyfriend for blatantly having loud sex while I am home",
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AITA For getting upset with my mom and her new boyfriend for blatantly having loud sex while I am home?
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I live with my mom while going to college. She has said multiple times she does not mind me staying there while going to school, especially since I receive little to no financial aid.
My mom got divorced literally 3 weeks ago and has already basically moved him into our home.
To give the situation, this guy still has his house despite basically living here all the time.
Now let me paint a picture of how small our house is. It is a log cabin with a living room and kitchen in the same space. There is a bathroom connected to my room from the kitchen. In the living room there is a staircase that leads to a loft that is directly above my room on the ground floor. The loft is my mom's room. So she has no door, no sealed off room or anything. Just a staircase that leads to the living room. Now when they are having sex, even from my room I can hear damn near everything. Moans, the bed, even skin slapping. You can hear as if you are right next to them if you are in the kitchen/living room because there is no front wall to the loft.
The first night this happened, I put headphones on and texted my mom "Really, you guys decide to do that here instead of his house where you have privacy? This is just weird"
She never responded or talked to me about it. I know she got the message because I heard her phone notification when I sent it. Now lets skip to today. I just got off work at 2pm. While I am in the shower I hear them come home, nothing out of the ordinary. Immediately upon me turning the loud ass water off and getting out, I hear them going at it right above me. At this point I am kind of angry. I attempted to communicate with my mom about it but she just decided to ignore me the first time so the fact that she just ignored my message and did this made me livid. I went out there under the loft and just blew up about how disrespectful they were being, especially when they have another place to go to.
It was literally broad daylight, they had to have known I was home by seeing my car and hearing me in the shower as it is right next to the front door, but they decided to just go and do it anyway. To me that is really disrespectful since I tried communicating previously. To top it off the guy literally has his own house they can do whatever they want in. I was just completely baffled they came home, knew I was home, and despite my previous attempt to get the issue solved, did it anyway.
I know it is her house and she can do whatever she wants, but the fact that she assures me I can stay there while studying and ignores my attempts to solve living issues irks me. Even more so every time I remember the other guy has a house to go to for their needs.
TL;DR Mom has obnoxiously loud sex with her bf in a very small house, ignores my attempts to communicate the issue, I got mad and blew up on them because they came home and did it at 2pm fulling knowing I am home and uncomfortable with hearing them.
Am I the asshole here?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b41y2m
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{
"description": "\"reneging\" on moving in w/ my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for "reneging" on moving in w/ my best friend?
|
TL;DR: Circumstances have changed w/ the other party's love life and living plans, yet I'm still expected to follow through with moving across the country.
My best friend (of almost 30 years) and I had started making plans on becoming roommates, last summer. This would involve me moving to them, which is over 2,500 miles from my location and to a climate/area I have absolutely no desire to live in (I'm in the NYC area, and they're in Las Vegas). The only reason I thought it'd be a good idea was because I would be paying a LOT less rent than I am now, and I'd get to be close to my best friend, again.
Cut to this week: she starts throwing the idea of "maybe, possibly, toying with" the idea of moving in with her new'ish boyfriend of 7 months, instead.
Okay- I get it, circumstances change, and I'm not going to come between someone and love's happy cohabitation. There were no set-in-stone arrangements, no money was spent yet, no living situations were given up, etc. So, I just won't move (which was supposed to be this August, when her lease runs out). Simple, yes? NOPE!
She was upset, to put it mildly. According to her, I am in the wrong because I'm "reneging on our plans" and she was looking forward me being (physically) in her life, again. She said she was thinking that I could take over her current apartment (one she doesn't want to give up, but can't afford to hold on to if she moves in w/ the BF) so if things didn't work out with him, she could just come back and we could pick up on our initial plan.
I told her that the situation was no longer advantageous, for me, as it once would have been if she's not going to be splitting the bills with me. She countered w/, "Well, I don't even know if I want to move in with him, but it's a strong possibility." So... MAYBE I'll have a roommate once I move across the country? I can't bank on "maybes" in such along distance move. I'm not going to upheave my life to change locales (and drive w/ an elderly pet, to boot) to a place I don't even want to live, just so she can have a commitment safety net.
Her and I are almost 40 years old and I'm just not into flying by the seat of my pants, as I once was. If I was a little less set in my comfort zone, and didn't have to travel with an elderly pet, I might still consider it, just to be near her, but...
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"pronormative_score": 10,
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AITA for „not seeing/reacting“ to a weird situation between my family and gf
|
So, I never thought of using this sub, but apparently my time has come. I will try to keep myself as short as possible.
My brother „X“ and I were at a concert. we met there the girls which later became my girlfriend and his girlfriend. Our gf‘s are friends and usually spend a lot time together and because we all get along together well the four of us also spent a lot of time doing city trips etc.
Time goes by and we also get to know the family of each of my gf and X gf (mum, dad, relatives, friends)
So everything was going great, but my brother and his gf started to get in trouble with time. After a year they finally broke up.
What happend next is what fucked up the whole thing. the cousin of my gf which was befriended with my brother started to meet up with the ex-gf of my brother (this was after the breakup). they did this without letting anyone know, and then somehow it got to someone and details got up. apparently they were partying together, kissed each other and almost slept together.
So my brother is mad at the cousin and the ex-gf because they were messing with each other after their breakup.
And now the main deal, my gf has her birthday coming up and she wants to organize a little party for her family and friends. She wants to invite everyone (my brother, his ex and the cousin). The problem is my brother won’t come if he sees the cousin or the ex-gf. The ex probably won’t come if the other two come and the cousin is okay with the situation and would accept if one or both of them would be at the party.
My girfriend is mad at me know, that I‘m not able to solve this situation and that one or two of them won‘t be there for her at the party. according to her I should force my brother to come to the party because its her birthday.
she thinks that in the future she‘ll have to split every activity and event into different „phases“ (with my brother, without him / with the cousin, without him / with the ex-gf, without her ...)
hope you understand my situation.
So reddit, tell me your opinion.
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{
"description": "telling my friend her crush is a player",
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"contranormative_score": 0
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AITA for telling my friend her crush is a player
|
So to start off my friend doesn't get a lot of attention from guys. Shes pretty quiet and reserved when it comes to dating. She was discussing this guy she had a crush on and mentioned that he had been hitting her up a lot lately, texting her and commenting on her stuff basically letting her know he was interested. The problem was he had done and said the SAME stuff to me. So I thought I would be a good idea to let her know that this guy might be shady because he was saying the same stuff to me.
I ask if this is rude because I had another friend come up and tell me I had upset Friend A by telling her this and that I should have just "let her have her happy moment"... but if I was interested in a guy I know isn't respecting me and just trying to play the field, I would want to know.
Should I have just let her talk about this guy and not mentioned it? AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not letting my neighbor from the building next door climb MY roof",
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AITA for not letting my neighbor from the building next door climb MY roof
|
TLDR at bottom
I’m on mobile and I’m also angry typing
So I live in a big city in a very lively neighborhood. I live across from bars, strip clubs, live music...it’s great. That being said, I know that there will be noise from neighbors, and I’m totally fine with that to a certain extent.
The building next door has 4 units. I live in a building that has 6 units and both buildings share a common area courtyard and ran by the same management company. The old owner was just 1 dude that just didn’t give a shit what anyone did but now these 2 buildings are owned by a huge company.
My view is absolutely gorgeous, its of the entire financial district, bridge, beautiful buildings it’s just amazing. There are stairs leading up to my apartment and then there is a locked gate that accesses the roof which is not open for general use. There is a sign saying to not access the roof and there are notices sent out every now and then stating to not go up there. We’ve all gone up there though because the views are stunning.
I have a neighbor next door in the other building, let’s call her Princess. Well princess likes the throw parties and let whoever up my stairs and hop the gate and they party on my roof. They run around, throw garbage, break shit like the handrails, scream and just are total obnoxious entitled twats. She also likes to climb my roof in the middle of the night during the week when I have to wake up at 5 am. It’s so loud it sounds like someone is breaking into my apartment and I get super scared so I had to put a stop to it. I confront her and tell her to stop, she says sorry but not a week later she’s up there again in the middle of the night.
This goes on for months and I let management know. There have also been complaints about princess from people in my building also, I’m not the only one but am the only one really being vocal about it. Management is scared that someone will get hurt up there and sue so they want it to stop. They also say they can’t do anything because she denies it’s her. They tell me to get it on video. I’ve gotten numerous videos of her going up there all hours of the night partying and acting like a teenager that just tried alcohol for the first time and now she is on her 2nd formal notice and after this she will have legal action taken against her.
A week ago on a Friday night around 9pm I hear loud stomping above my head and I’m like, are you fucking kidding me, again? So I go outside and see it’s another neighbor from the building next door hopping over the gate. I’m like wtf dude? He gets mad at me saying it’s early and he should be able to go on my roof. I don’t even report it because I’m just so done with this bullshit.
Today while getting my mail he confronts me and says that he has lived in this building for 10 years and he’s always gone up on my roof and it’s unfair that I’m not letting people on the roof over my fucking head. I told him that princess ruined it for everyone and now I can’t even enjoy MY own roof because you fucks from next door can’t behave. He goes off on a tangent saying he doesn’t go up there during the night and I shouldn’t get mad at people climbing my roof during the day blah blah blah.
TLDR So am I the asshole because I don’t let my neighbors from the building next fucking door have access to the roof over my head that isn’t even designed for general use?
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"description": "not giving my friend 10 cents which he was short of",
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AITA for not giving my friend 10 cents which he was short of?
|
Me and my friend are traveling in Spain, enjoying the sun in Barcelona , I had already eaten but my friend is hungry so he decides to get a bite to eat at this burger place and I tag along, when we enter I notice that there is a rather long queue. An old lady with a walking stick gently taps me on the shoulder and asks if I'd be kind enough to grab her a cheeseburger meal as she can't stand for long I oblige having nothing better to do and join the queue with my friend she also gave me 10 euros for the food (For the record I regard myself as an honest person and if someone places their trust in me I don't like breaking it, especially when it comes to money) . We reach the counter and I get the lady's food and the cashier gives me her change, my friend is next up in line he orders but is like 10 cents short or something like that , he looks at me with like a shit load of change in my hand and asks for 10 cents (I can see the cashier also looking at us), I say sorry buddy ain't mine. After we got out of the restaurant he flips saying I embarrassed him in front of the whole restaurant on purpose over a couple of cents, his point is that it was a tiny amount of money and that he would have understood if it was more. But I told him I wouldn't have given him anything even if he was one cent short. Not my fucking money. I kinda feel bad and am thinking maybe I was just being an asshole😣.
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"description": "calling out my friends for their bullshit about a problem between them, where I was supposed to just be the moderator",
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AITA for calling out my friends for their bullshit about a problem between them, where I was supposed to just be the moderator?
|
Hi there! I'm fairly new to this subreddit, so please forgive me if I'm not the best at explaining the situation. Also, English *is* my mother language, but I live in a Spanish speaking country, so my spelling might be off. Sorry in advance!
So, here's my dilemma. I (16m) have two very close friends who we can refer to as '**A**' and '**S**' (17f,16f respectively) who recently got into an argument over a video-game. I am very close friends with both of them, to the point where I have talked to them about very personal stuff, and trusted them with very personal information, and vice-versa.
The argument began two days ago, after we exited the match and waited in lobby (I will explain which video-game and what happened in it at the end of the post.) and they both started arguing via text messages through their phones. We were all in our own homes, there was no direct conflict. Since I am close with both of them, they both started texting me (via the game client) and giving me each side of the story from the perspective they had about it. I will share below.
**A perspective:** Recently, S has been very toxic and mean towards her, abandoning her to play with higher level friends and ignoring most of her invites. In real life, A claims that S plays victim very easily, always saying that she's in a really bad mood/going through very tough situations so she can avoid talking about the issues A may be going through. Also, S has been repetitively offending her and treating her as less with the tiniest of mistakes she may have, and has been accusing A of abandoning the friendship ever since she got a boyfriend. A is really tired of S being so toxic and wishes she would just go back to being the good friend she was in the past. A is willing to fix things with S, but she wants to take time and heal before confronting her again.
**S perspective:** A stopped playing altogether since she had to study for her high-school finals, so she went a long time without connecting. S missed her, but she found higher level friends to whom she managed to adapt, (NOTE: S is a very good gamer) so she continuously played with them ever since. When A finally came back, she started rejecting S to go play with her boyfriend, which angered S for two reasons: 1) She was expecting A to come back and play with her, 2) S has had a crush on A for a long time. In the past, both of them have discussed the fact she has a crush on A, but it seems as if A does not care and continuously comments about her boyfriend and her relationship, much to the bothering of S. In real life, S claims that A most of the time doesn't listen to her problems, o makes less of them when she comments (by mocking or being condescending) about her family struggles, etc. S is really wanting to talk to A and fix things, but A doesn't answer her texts.
So, now that that's out of the way, I have but one thing to say. **Both perspectives are completely true, since I have witnessed them.** I have not taken sides, nor have I disclosed what either of them has said about one another to anyone, but, I confronted them both in person.
What I planned to say to them was both sides of the story from a completely neutral viewpoint, but I failed to do so since I did comment about my perspectives of the situation, calling them out on what both of them have done wrong and trying to solve the problem as if I was a moderator. This, of course, angered them.
I confirmed the victim role that S normally likes to play, I confirmed how A normally belittles others problems, and I commented on the whole thing being provoked by a video-game, (For the record, I find it extremely stupid to fight over a video-game, and I said that to them) I confirmed S being very toxic lately, I confirmed how A seemed to not care for the feelings S had for her, etc. In the end, I just called them out for their bullshit.
They were not aware that the other one had talked to me about the situation, which angered them more. Both of them had the impression that I was taking their side at the beginning, but I wasn't, therefore "I broke their trust". I explicitly told them both I wasn't going to take a side when they first started texting me about the situation, but apparently they didn't understand that. (I also clarify, in no moment did I talk badly about one of them to the other, I only read their side of the story, so I didn't talk trash at all.)
So in the end, neither of them want to fix things with each-other still and I am currently trying to communicate with both of them, to which I get little response. Am I the asshole for getting in to the argument?
**About the video-game:** League of legends. S and A were going duo botlane, S was the ADC and A was the support. A was Brand, S was Twitch. A was stealing farm from S, so she got tilted early game. Me (Gnar toplane) and the jungler (Elise) ended up carrying the game while they both argued in the middle of the match. Fun fact, the whole team knows each other, our midlane (Lux) and the jungler know both of them, but they didn't get dragged in to the argument.
**tl;dr:** Two friends got in an argument because of a video-game, I ended up being in the middle of it and called both of them out for their bullshit and tried to solve the problem as the moderator, both of them got mad at me in the end and now no one is talking. Both friends have valid reasons to be mad, but both are also in the wrong (Said that to both of them with evidence). Didn't talk trash, didn't take sides, clarified that at the begging to both of them. Still ended up being the asshole. Am I really?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
tzLxmUc7jfBGSJF0MKqjvd4IjgbfKDmY
|
ah0rqt
|
{
"description": "not letting my fianceé sit in on my class",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not letting my fianceé sit in on my class?
|
My fianceé has this weird desire to come watch me teach, to the point that she wants to take a day off to sit in my class.
For context, I'm a PhD student, not a tenured professor. I feel like it diminishes the value of the class, would be a distraction for me, and would take away from the learning experience of the students. I'm already not super confident in my teaching.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
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"WRONG": 3
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|
RIGHT
|
erBC7DRcRLS628aXbaubTJVp7qIdQH82
|
an7tgw
|
{
"description": "refusing a \"friend\" a second chance",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA- i refused a "friend" a second chance
|
first off, backstory
my group of friends used to include a girl who i was not particularly close with, she was probably the person i spoke to least come to think of it
anyway a couple of months back a large amount of drama broke out between her and the rest of us (which continues to this day, it's a very long personal story) and after she had left the rest of us alone for a while, in one of the classes we have together, where i sit next to a friend of hers, she comes up to me and kicks me out of a seat i needed, as i could see properly there (i had broken my glasses) and mocks my lack of vision as i move i'm forced to move to the back as it's the only free seat. the thing about this is, she was mocking the same person she called her "friend" only a few days earlier. i found this out through a mutual friend that she had done so on a group chat.
about a week later, she walks up to me and starts talking to me as if we're best friends, i mainly ignore her until she essentially starts begging me for a second chance in our little group, and i just tell her to go do one. she was alone, so i assume that she lost her friend or something. my friends have mixed feelings on her, a few seem to like her but a few are very vocal with their distaste.
bearing all of this in mind, am i the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
at5vjp
|
{
"description": "bailing on a ski trip with friends",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for bailing on a ski trip with friends
|
My friends and I have been planning a ski trip for a few months. I’ve bought the lift tickets, plane tickets, etc. I have also been going to physical therapy for the last two months due to some knee pain. This morning, a week before we are supposed to leave for the trip, I had an MRI and it turns out the physical therapy has not been helping and I may have a partially torn tendon in my knee. I’ve been planning on going on the trip even through physical therapy and my friends know about my knee issues. I now have to bail on the group (of about 10 people) and not go on the trip as I could make the tendon tear even worse by doing any physical activity. By me not going, the group will now have to pay more per person for the rental car and hotel...so AITA for bailing last minute?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
az7pd2
|
{
"description": "being frustrated with my s/o for getting sick",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being frustrated with my s/o for getting sick?
|
This might sound dumb, but I genuinely feel bad and like an asshole for having these thoughts.
To preface, my so and I have a great relationship. There are bumps, but we are best friends and respect and love each other, which is why I feel bad for being upset right now.
We were planning to go on a short weekend long vacation to a big city nearby. We are both long distance in college, so this was a special trip. He came a couple days early as planned which was fine. But, I worried because a nasty stomach bug went around my school. I had it two weeks before he came and I disinfected my whole room, cleaned my sheets and blankets and clothes, and everything once I was better. I warned him heavily about this and we thought we'd be okay.
Fast forward to the night before, a friend offered us to take a hit out of a dab pen and we said okay. But, I remembered about the bug and that the person whos dab pen we were using was actually sick a lot more recently. I warned my bf not to and I said how contagious it could be and how he'd get sick. He said he'd be fine and did it anyways. Now, we are in our hotel and he's got the bug. Luckily, it is not as bad as it was two weeks ago for me and other people and I know he's tough and will be okay. I got him water and went out into the city to find other drinks and bland food for when he gets better. I am not letting him know that I am a bit upset about the situation and that it could most likely have been avoided. I know he didn't fully realize that its that easy to get sick and I want him to get better.
The feeling of being an asshole comes from me getting upset with this and how I wish this could've been a fun trip. But Im trying not to show him I am crying that we are stuck here with him sick and me cleaning up the bathroom and taking care of him. I think he knows I am upset and I feel like an ass for making him feel guilty about this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
AlZ91HzIHSOKd0PrzJ5ksly0K9IBVhvy
|
aqhdsm
|
{
"description": "saying dinner sucked",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
Aita for saying dinner sucked.
|
We were at a friends for dinner and they were serving spaghetti and meatballs. THE MEATBALLS were raw. And the sauce was nasty. The host at the end asked if it was good. I said it was disgusting. Host gasped and I said sorry you asked I answered. My family said I was rude. Host was shocked. Aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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}
|
WRONG
|
q6MxrhEFOID0516EjbFa2xKsySblcYnZ
|
b5fyz3
|
{
"description": "asking out one of my best friends from high school's ex",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for asking out one of my best friends from high school's ex?
|
So HS was a weird time, my friend and I were really nerdy and didn't start doing any of the normal HS things (sex/drugs/drinking wise) until our senior year. Basically she randomly decided in the winter that she wanted a boyfriend and she picked this guy who had quietly liked her for two years. She constantly told me the relationship was awkward/not serious but that they were both trying it out and having fun because we had been so sheltered for so long. Thing is, he was madly in love with her. That's not saying he "deserved" more or any of that r/niceguy shit because if she doesn't have feelings for him she doesn't, and she shouldn't be expected to manufacture any for his sake! But I think she actively denied *his* feelings so she could use him to gain experience basically. They broke up a bit after prom, stayed in touch for a bit over the summer, would sometimes say hi if they ran into each other at the same party over summer/winter breaks, but really don't speak anymore as far as I know.
I ran into him recently because we both happened to be in our hometown visiting our parents around the same time. Turns out we're both looking to head back to school within a year or two and actually have very similar research interests despite coming from kind of tangential majors/industries. We also have remarkably similar political views, like a lot of the same books and movies and music, both like camping...it's like a REALLY good fit. So we've been hanging out a bit (turns out we live in the same city as well, he just moved here and I've been here for almost 2 years), nothing explicitly romantic, but I really like how it feels and was thinking of asking him on a real date. Idk if he would even say yes, partly because it's been really platonic so far so maybe I'm misreading things and partly because of course he knows about my friendship with his ex, and of COURSE I would talk to her about it before doing anything. I'm only even considering it because their relationship was so, casual almost? But WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
u4RaKbXC76sfciRanIHDTd33aC39XZSy
|
apn3e7
|
{
"description": "telling my classmates to back off the racists professor",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
WIBTA if I told my classmates to back off the racists professor?
|
I go to an inner city college and for one of my classes the professor is very racist. She has made several rude and stereotypical comments directed at the African American students. Not to bring politics into this but she is a very outspoken Republican. Our professor is a caucasian older female and the rest of us (myself included) are all Hispanic,African American, and Asian.
Some students have called her out during class and have also recorded her saying racists things and hope to report her.
Here's my dilemma: though I don't approve of our professor I feel as tho I should tell my classmates to save it for our End of course instructor evaluations. If we call her out in class I fear she may retaliate and lower our grades. Or if they do report her I'd hate to get another professor midsemster.
I don't want my classmates to think I approve of this behavior.
WIBTA if I told my classmates to just deal with it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
2G1J45FTEq9piPVdsH03z0JdjEPloIQ4
|
9zi5lh
|
{
"description": "letting my friend play the race card",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for letting my friend play the race card?
|
A few days ago I was with my black friend and we were at a grocery store and we were using the self checkout lane.
He scanned an item and put in his jacket. One worker noticed this and came over to see what was the item in his jacket and asked to see the receipt. My friend went apeshit, made an entire scene and accused her of being racist and targeting only black customers. The lady looked very ashamed and was stammering and apologized profusely. I was just in the middle of everything looking very awkward. Should I have told my friend to calm down and not say the worker was racist and was just trying to see if he bought the item?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Q9rcGCoiLheeHrU3JQHCWLyBoIxGB2U5
|
ad17ld
| null |
AITA [Petty but still] This moderator got on my nerves
|
Me: Unremove my post I broke no rules
Moderator: a please would be nice
Me: please?
Moderator: you know as opposed to barking orders at us
Me: I just said please. Anyways it’s not like I said It with intention to be rude there’s a difference between “unremove my post I broke no rules” as opposed to “YOU BETTER UNREMOVE MY POST”
Moderator: I don’t see where you said please you said “unremove my post”
Me: Haha never mind guy forget it then. And yes I did say “please?” as in will you please unremove my post?
Moderator: no “guy” you literally did not say please. We’re volunteers we don’t work for you, you don’t dictate what we do and when we do it. Let’s start over. Try something like “could you please restore my post? I believe I haven’t broken any rules sir! Let’s see how much traction this gets as you finish laughing.
I stopped responding after that. I clearly said please and I’m not saying it again. I don’t know what his problem is I felt like he was making a big deal of nothing .
Am I the asshole guys?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
EfHHIBzQTxjB3NLod35En3GVEvSOoBZ3
|
ayvmsm
|
{
"description": "cutting a compulsive lier out of my life, even though he's sorry",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting a compulsive lier out of my life, even though he's sorry?
|
I just started college last fall and the first person I met was a guy we will call Bark. We became friends the first day even though I really thought he was incredibly annoying. He told me and fellow hall mates all these stories about great things he has done in his life, but us not knowing who the hell he was, had no option but to believe it. Here are his lies:
Phase One:
When Bark and I first met our big friend group we had a night of some deep convo with each other. Bark confessed that he had an issue with body dysmorphia and he hated how "fat" he was. He isn't a big guy, just a little husky. Before I get backlash on that, I am bigger than he is. That isn't the lie. He claimed that when he had his big soccer injury(thats the next lie) that he had gained all this weight and became "fat." Well a little investigation into his instagram shows that he was never skinny and always a little chubby, and is currently not the biggest he's ever been. Not saying that maybe he does hate his weight, but it is a lie that he gained a bunch of weight all the sudden.
Next lie is his soccer career. Bark claimed that he was ranked top in the state and that he was going to get a soccer scholarship. He played goalie and one game he had a rough injury that blew out his knee and that he was in the hospital for months. And this is when he gained all his weight. Well...a friend of ours went back home with Bark one weekend and he got some alone time with Bark's hometown friends. Come to find out what I just told you happened to Bark's best friend, not Bark.
Theres more and more lies, but these will suffice.
Phase Two will focus on lies he told between the start of college and the present.
Bark falls in love Tracy(fake name) when she has not really done anything for him to do so. She hung out with him for a weekend and even made out with him. That was all though. No clothes taken off or anything. This leads to a tremendous amount of drama that all caused a mass of stress on Tracy. She tried being a friend and this stretched out for weeks and weeks, but every time they were alone he would try to kiss and even more, he would try to seduce her. Saying things like, "Were young" and "Were perfect for each other." I could keep going but I think the picture is easy to see.
Phase Three is going to show the fallout. It is kind of short but important.
Bark goes to his new friends that he shared the sex lie to for solace after Tracy shuts him out of her life. Proceeds to tell all of them that I have been bullying him, not giving him that space he needs, and pressuring him into doing things that he doesn't want to do. All of this as a lie, as almost every meet up since we first met has been orchestrated by him. I have never stuck out my arm and tried to talk to him.
Either way he claims he is now super depressed and having bad thoughts but wants to be friends again. Am I the asshole for not giving him another chance and being friends with him again?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
QdwTOzqc8wycQuAIcsi8Tf8pNhQRCeOH
|
a1ky60
|
{
"description": "expexting my friend to do more to help themselves",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expexting my friend to do more to help themselves.
|
To do more to hp themselves.
To give some context to this story. My best friend lives a few hours away from me whom I'll refer to as K, she has lost her job and has been unemployed for a few months with a shitty paying, inconsistent babysitting gig, married with a young kid and is young mother. With only her husband income which just barely covers rent and bills, things are tight with them which I know about.
To the relavant story. We text a lot and we are talking and she is telling me that she has nothing to eat and hadn't eaten for a while. I decided I'll buy her some groceries to help her out, but since I live far away and cant drive to her, I just order some stuff she asked for on walmart and set it for pick up. She was against this at first because she hates asking for help but I got her to relent. Originally she said morning the next day would be good for pick up, so that is what I set it up as. So I set it up for pickup of 8-9, next morning i get up at 10, she has not said a word to me since the night before, turns out I forgot to actually pay for the groceries, so I pay for it and ask when is a good time for her to pick it up. No response so i set it for 6.
She finally gets back to me and said she wasnt really happy with the time since the kinds she baby sits get picked up around that time but I checked and it's fine if the pickup is pate so it wasnt a big deal. We chat about other stuff for a while, I asked if she picked it up to no response. Next day I check the order status and asked if it was picked up to which she said no. She was fired and was drinking that night, to which the story changed to she quit to she is going to do it one more time and quit after that (I honestly have no clue what's going on with her babysitting thing) so I check and it can still be picked up. To pick up the food it seems you have to check in you have to call or use the app, she refuses the call (because she doesnt like calling people, but who does like talking on the phone) and is mad at me for not wanting to give her my password to that account, and a big fight happened over that and I'm saying if she isnt willing to do small stuff like that I wont help her out anymore if she isnt willing to help herself.
Am I the asshole for thinking and telling K that? K does not give a reason for refusing to calm but besides simply just hating to talk on the phone but in my opinion, I would do a short phone call for free groceries, regardless of whatever financial situation I'm in.
Sorry in advance for any spelling error, mobile sucks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
BGCQQGjfMWZPwDwuXMYMn4lEpBFM3ADZ
|
a744ou
| null |
AITA: DISHWASHER POLITICS AND WHOS REALLY THE CLEAN ROOMMATE
|
Some preamble...dishwasher politics are real people. Some say you have to scrub your plate clean before putting it in, some just go for it food particles and all, and some (like me) prefer to make sure all the big chunks and hard stains are gone but are just fine with essentially a quick rinse. My roommate falls in the first category, which I think is ridiculous like at that point just finish handwashing lol, but not a big deal- it doesn't harm me. Now, let's get into the meat of the issue.
About three weeks ago our sink started filling up with black gunk, no draining, just filling whenever you turn on the dishwasher. On top of this, you can't even use the sink anymore because it won't drain. It was horrible. My roommate, let's call her Sarah, said that she was handy and could fix it and that we shouldn't pay for a plumber. I'm like whatever you got it, so two weeks later she wangjangles the pipes, and the sink is usable again. However, now whenever we use the dishwasher it coats all our dishes in delicious black gunk. YUM! The two of us are finally like enough is enough we're telling our landlady.
Next time our landlady comes over to show the place Sarah tells her the problem. Landlady says that the black gunk is from little food particles clogging the dishwasher and it's going to cost us 450 dollars to fix it. So Sarah comes up to me extremely miffed saying it's all my fault, I haven't cleaned the dishes well enough prior, and that she's had to rewash my dishes multiple times, which I know she hasn't because she exaggerates literally everything. She's moving out in a week, my friend, and also very stressed out for a variety of reasons that are pretty much her own fucking fault (oh I have no money - proceeds to buy 100 dollars outfit and expensive wholes foods premade dinners, oh I might not pass these classes and graduate- proceeds to not do her work until the last minute, oh my boyfriend broke up with me- totally not her fault that's just a shitty situation heartbreak sucks.) But the point is I'm not trying to start a fight because it's not worth it so all I say is that I've rinsed my dishes and I'm not sure what the issue is ensue minor passive aggressive fight where she touts her rinsing abilities.
However, I'm pissed about the whole situation! On top of this she keeps saying that I'm a pig and don't clean up after myself, which is just patently untrue. I put my shit in the dishwasher and take it out, I leave some stuff around the house, but so does she! She's not some super clean freak either. There have been plenty of times where she's left shit in the sink for a couple days. I'm constantly putting her dishes in the dishwasher for her, but once she's got an idea in her head as being true she just fucking runs with it. I've asked my boyfriend if he's noticed me being messy because he's over all the time and idk maybe I'm just being defensive and he confirms yes I clean up after myself. Prior to not being able to use the sink dishes would not be left for over a night and a day. I wipe down the counters, don't leave food out, keep the bathroom clean, etc. I'm not perfect, but I'm definitely not a pig and I'm not putting dishes into the dishwasher with massive amounts of gunk on them. Another example of her being fucking rude is a couple days ago I'm talking to some dude at my friends party, she comes over sits on my lap, and proceeds to tell him that I am a gross roommate. Like WTF?? Again tho I don't act confrontational. I just push her off and am like she's drunk.
Minor digression, but I'm just trying to contextualize it that she has this mindset that I'm super dirty. Anyways, I think she's being a fucking asshole for immediately taking the landlady at her word and blaming me. 450 dollars? That's enough to replace the dishwasher, not fix it. On top of this, I have had crappy college kid dishwasher and never had this issue. At most there's been some clogging and issue with draining, to which I just whiped it out and voila problem solved. I get that she's stressed out for a variety of reasons, but I'm just so sick of her taking it out on me. She bitches at me all the time for literally nothing (for example, one time I was writing music downstairs, Sarah was asleep so I was quite literally whispering into my phone to be respectful, she comes downstairs agrees that I am being quiet, but asks that I stop because she can't sleep). My boyfriend fucking hates her because of it (so maybe not the most reliable source when backing me up, but he's the only one who's over my house as much as I and Sarah are.) All of our other friends didn't want to live with her because they knew she'd be drama and to be fair I have the highest tolerance for BS out of all our friends. I've been mostly able to brush off her bitchiness as her being stressed and going through a hard time and just ignoring it, but this dishwasher thing is getting under my skin. I don't want to be blamed for 450 dollars worth of damage for something that I just don't think is my fault!!
BUUUTT I did some research and the black gunk stuff is definitely from food. It's when food gets caught in the dishwasher and gets moldy, which can be easily cleaned with some elbow grease, vinegar, and bleach, according to youtube videos (definitely not worth the 450 landlady claims). However, there's no way it's all from me. Just the sheer amount implies that either the sink food got in there somehow, or it's built up food from multiple years.
But maybe it is from me. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm not as clean as I think I am, so now for the counter-evidence. When I lived in the dorms I was definitely dirty, but I was also severely depressed. No dishes or anything, but I wasn't doing my laundry and certainly not a good roommate. When I ask her she says I'm messy. Sophomore year roommate, still severely depressed, said I was "semi-messy for her standards". She's a clean up right after you cook type of gal, but she confirms that the majority of the time I wouldn't leave my dishes for more than a day or two in the sink and that she never had to rewash my dishwasher dishes for me. Junior year roommate was a total pig, so he's not a great judge, and now here we are to senior year. The one thing I will admit I'm bad about is taking out the trash, but to be fair we have the smallest fucking trashcan in the world and it's annoying to have to take it out literally every other day.
I still feel like she had no right to come up with guns a blazin so hard and to be calling me a pig and shit. I'm not going to do anything about it because I think she's just stressed and taking it out on me, but am I the bad roommate or is she?
Tell me guys, am I the asshole????
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
S2YcnIbr5fBZ1JNso5dIQTpy4c73JsOb
|
a552sw
|
{
"description": "peeing in the tub",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for peeing in the tub?
|
No, not on the regular. I'll explain the situation.
My BF has a family friend that is practically his Grandfather. "Granpa" describes my SO as an "adopted son/grandson." Granpa has invited me to stay the night on the couch tonight since the heat at our place will be wonky until the 28th and it's supposed to be especially cold tonight. I didn't ask or hint, he offered as we were getting ready to leave. I accepted, it was admittedly a relief. BF normally stays when I stay but he works third shift and had to work tonight.
The only toilet is in Granpa's en suite. His tub/shower is in the other end of the house with access from the kitchen. About an hour after BF left for work,
I had to pee, so I went to the toilet (like normal) in the en suite bathroom. When I got out of the bathroom, Granpa had followed be back there and was naked, laying on his bed, stroking his dick and asked if I wanted to "lend a hand" as I *very briskly* left the room.
I had to pee again. I'm not peeing outside, there are neighbors here. I am **not** going back in that room, even though I know logically he's probably done by now. *shudder* I know all the "harm" that can be done has already happened...
Yeah, I peed in the tub/shower. Just sat on the edge and peed there. I rinsed and bleachy wiped it after, though. Obviously, I think this is an occasion where an exception to the rule can be made, but I can also understand my way of handling this may be the outrageous choice to an outsider. Especially since I would never ever want to have to tell anyone I know that I did that. I try to live by "if you don't do shit you're ashamed of, you won't have to lie" and this feels like a violation of that, so I'm having a small moral crisis on this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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ay4dcz
|
{
"description": "limiting someones toilet time",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I limited someones toilet time?
|
Ok simple question here we have a work experience guy coming through his school and to put it simply he's the worst person to work with. An ok guy but lazy and moody (the moods are fine it's the unfiltered attitude I hate).
So here's the issue: he goes into the employee bathroom (the only bathroom in store, we're in a mall) and takes and hour long "crap". Then does like 20 minutes of work and then another hour long "crap". Basically unless his organs are failing on a daily basis he's getting out of work. Now I know that some people take long in the bathroom heck I take like 15 minutes to do my business but this is insanity.
So would I be the ass if I limited to 20 minutes at most? Keep in mind other people need to use that toilet too and we can't leave him here because he's technically not hired by our company so sometimes people have to hold it for like an hour.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
aqlo6a
|
{
"description": "going to a bar on my 21st birthday without my 20 year old bf",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for going to a bar on my 21st birthday without my 20 year old bf?
|
I apologize if this is incoherent, I’m still pretty upset.
So some context. I [21F] had been dating a guy [20M] for almost a year. He was very sweet, and I liked spending time with him. He lived an hour and a half a way and would drive up all the time and stay at my house. My pet had a vet appointment near him (long story but no exotic vet in my area) and he came up for a day, we drove down the next, and drove back the day after so my pet could heal from surgery. My nana died the day we drove down and I wasn’t in the best mood. The day after this was my birthday. So at this point we had spent the last four days together. For my birthday we got lunch and went to dinner with my family. Then i wanted to go to a bar with my best friend. He got very upset that I didn’t want to spend my birthday with him (even though I did, and several days prior) and stormed out of my house. I angrily texted him at like 3am a little drunk that I was mad at him for making my birthday about him. He ignored me for four days until he called me last night and broke up with me (the day before Valentine’s day.) I understand that he drove a lot for me, and I thanked him a ton and offered gas money, but I feel like this is a weird thing to be dumped over?
Am I the Asshole? should i have just not celebrated my birthday with my friend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
ae2nj9
|
{
"description": "not wanting to attend church group with my wife now that dhe found religion",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to attend church group with my wife now that dhe found religion?
|
So my wife and I have been married for roughly 15 years. She and I really haven't been "traditionally" religious , her being a non-practicing Pagan and me being agnostic/atheist. She recently realized that her spirituality has been lacking in her life and started to delve heavily into the Pagan side of things. I promised her my full support of this.
Fast forward about 6 months and her parents, who are staying with us over the holidays and are very "traditionally" religious, got invited by our neighbors to attend their Church. They started going regularly, and my wife begrudgingly went once. Since then, she hasn't stopped talking about how much she loves this church.
So, being the supporting husband that I am, I go with her on Sundays. I sing along, close my eyes during prayer, and mostly keep my opinions to myself. Now, the church has started Bible studies at people's homes. She just came back saying how she would want me to come. I politely declined, and she understood.
However, now she tells me that one of the groups is in the same town as us but she doesn't feel comfortable walking at night (she doesn't have her license). I repeated my stance of not wanting to attend, and she told me that how I said I didn't want to go made her feel like she's dragging me to the "seventh circle of hell ."
Am I the asshole for not wanting to go and drawing lines on how much churchiness I have in my life?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
8VCCj4JgnQ5OqX8T6Zf9hwfNNPFByVtQ
|
ahbd1g
|
{
"description": "telling this girl I don't want to be her friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I tell this girl I don't want to be her friend?
|
So like 10 years ago I worked at a place and became friends with a coworker, Charity.
After I stopped working there, Charity and I stayed friends and would see each other for lunch or to watch movies or something every couple months. We weren't like \*best\* friends, but we were decent friends.
So then Charity asked me to move in with her at her parents house. Her parents were living at another one of their properties and weren't home much, and they didn't like her being home alone (we were both like 20-21). Me being a dumbass and thinking it would be cool to not live with my own parents anymore said yea sure.
We got along decent at first but it pretty quickly began to fracture. She was needy and insecure. She hated when my boyfriend would come over, so I stopped bringing him over except maybe once a week and would start going over his house, but she hated that too and would passive aggressively text me about how I was never home. I did most of the cooking and a good portion of the dishes (including dishes of hers) but any time she had to wash a dish of mine she'd get pissy about it. If I had to leave a dish in the sink before heading to school or work I would have texts by the time school or work was done asking if I'd be home that night to wash it and how "we need a better system". I told her I will gladly wash all my own dishes and to leave them there for me to do when I get home. She washed them before I got home anyway and then complained that I wasn't holding up my end of the deal. The whole time I lived with her I was literally the only one who ever cleaned our shared bathroom (even when she had drunk friends over who puked on the floor), and I also vacuumed the floors and swiffered the downstairs once a week minimum, but she was always saying that everything was so dirty (while not doing anything to clean).
One night her and her sister went and picked up her parents from the airport. They had just gone on vacation or something. I was in the house with my boyfriend and we were in the living room watching a movie. We had just made a pizza or something and some of the ingredients were still on the counter. They came inside and it was like the air turned to ice. I was like "Hey! Welcome back! Sorry about the mess, we literally just ate dinner, I'll clean it up here in a minute unless you're hungry and want me to make you something?" And they just kind of were like "Oh... no." I asked how the trip was, they said "Oh... fine." and then Charity's sister was like "We really need some PRIVATE time. As a FAMILY."
So we gathered up the slices of pizza and went upstairs. I wasn't going to bother cleaning the counter when they needed PRIVACY. I texted Charity to let me know when they were done so I could clean up. I never got a text back. A few hours later I heard everyone go to bed and me and my bf went downstairs and everything had been cleaned so we left and went to his house. I stayed away for a couple days and made an exit plan.
When I came back to the house nobody was home and I immediately started packing. I heard Charity come home but she immediately went to her room and shut the door. I kept packing and each finished box went straight in my car. I took the first load of stuff to my mom's and came back and the next day did some more. The whole time my own door was open, I didn't care if she saw me leaving. But she stayed hidden. She left for work a few hours earlier than normal and wouldn't come home until very late when she knew I'd be in bed. Finally we bumped into each other on the third day. All I had left were two boxes, my bed, my nightstand, and my clothes. I was doing laundry so I didn't have to take anything back dirty and she caught me in the hallway and said "Listen... I don't think things are working out..." I said "Save it. I'm already moving my stuff. I'll be gone tomorrow." All of a sudden she got super sad "OH I'm so sorry!" I just said "I'm not." and went back to what I was doing.
My mom came the next day to take the bed because it wouldn't fit in my car. I saw Charity exactly once - she came in and said hi to my mom (and only my mom) and asked her to move the car so she could leave. Mom moved the car and Charity left.
When I got back to my mom's I unfriended her on all social media and just went on with my life like she never existed, and she did the same.
So here we are 6 years later and suddenly I have a message. She saw me comment on a mutual friend's post and was going to friend request me but I don't have that option enabled so she decided to message and see how everything is going for me and "check in".
I know the adult thing is to just ignore and maybe block and hope she gets the message, but I am still super bitter about the whole thing. Even if I don't do it in a \*mean\* way, I want her to know that her reaching out is being actively rejected. I want to tell her something like "I'm really not interested in talking to you." But if I did that.... WIBTA?
TL;DR: Roomed with a "friend" who was a shitty roommate and avoidant and passive aggressive. She waited until I was moving out to tell me living together "wasn't working" and then got upset when I pointed out I was already moving and was happy to be leaving. She messaged me wanting to reconnect. I want to tell her to fuck herself (even if it's in a nice way, like "I'm not interested.") because I want her to know I'm rejecting her offer. WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a6qj9s
|
{
"description": "backing out of my friends wedding party",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for backing out of my friends wedding party?
|
Hey all,
A buddy of mine is getting married this upcoming spring and we’ve been dealing with some drama regarding his groomsmen.
The 4 of us have been in a group chat for about 8 years now and although we don’t live near each other anymore we still communicate regularly through text and like to play Xbox when we can get on.
Last summer when my friend Pat told us he proposed to his girlfriend he immediately asked us all to be groomsmen which we all excitedly accepted.
Now cue to 2 weeks ago. Pat texted me separate from the group that he was kicking the other two friends out of the wedding party. His reasons were that the one friend was unreliable and the other “probably couldn’t afford the expenses” because he’s a musician.
I didn’t think those were valid reasons and he shouldn’t have asked them and then backtracked on his offer, but it is his wedding and he can do what he wants. The only thing I said he should do was just make up an excuse as to why they wouldn’t be in the wedding party. My suggestion was to say that his brother needed to be involved and the brides brother wanted to be in the party or something along those lines. That way he could save face and it wouldn’t be awkward for the group.
Then he unexpectedly left the group chat. Everyone was reasonably confused because nobody has left the chat for almost 8 years. He refused to respond to any texts for the past 2 weeks from any of us.
After 3 unanswered texts I finally texted him asking if he was alright and he called me. He said he was just busy but then restated his reasons for not inviting them and told me he didn’t think they would care if they weren’t involved anymore and wasn’t even going to invite them to the wedding!
It’s putting serious strain on all of our friendships because the other two friends don’t know what’s going on and I feel guilty keeping it from them because I’m closer with one of the other friends than I am with Pat.
I told him over the phone that if he didn’t at least tell them that they weren’t in the wedding party anymore that I didn’t want to be involved either because I felt it was extremely disrespectful to just ghost our lifelong friends without good reason.
This did not go over well obviously and I was told literally that I’m an asshole.
If I’m the asshole I can accept that maybe I should just shut up because it’s not my wedding. But on the other hand I feel like I owe some loyalty to my other friends as well.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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hsKUwluZ5FGMIojNY4df8vTySBz9xR78
|
ag1r18
|
{
"description": "breaking up a family unit and living my own life",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up a family unit and living my own life?
|
(So there's alot to unpack but I'll be clear, what I'm trying to get here is perspective and resolve to make a life decision here. Unbiased perspectives are appreciated and why I'm here.)
This is a bit of a follow up from my previous post where I got upset at my mother for spending my money on a "gift" for me. In similar fashion a fight broke out over the same thing: a check came in on my name for an overpayment of escrow on my old house I sold (about 400$).
Turns out my mother had plans for the check, and demanded i sign it and give it to her as she needed the money. When I said no, its a check in my name, she proceeded to go into a tirade of how ungrateful i am, how much she sacrificed etc etc. This isn't where I'm looking for justification, its the next part.
I said enough, I'm tired of the garbage and that I wanted out of this family unit and that I could support myself and do my own thing. The implication is I would sell the house I'm in, give my mother the equity she left in the house, take the value above her equity (as its still my house in my name, my loan and I've made the payments). Now this is something I said in the heat of the moment and I haven't talked to her since, but truth be told I do want out.
So i need to weigh the karmic balance, my relationship with my mother has been so up and down I cannot tell what's right anymore but she really has generally been a positive influence and I don't know how to feel about kicking her, her boyfriend (and his mom), and my little sister out of the house.
In order:
- she helped to pay for part of my tuition
- she helped me move out of my father's place who wanted me to take over his business
- after college she let me stay at her place for a year
- she worked as realtor/flipee for my first house (recently sold) and left some (20k) equity in it so i could get a house at a young age
- 2 years after that, as she was breaking up w her s/o she threatened to sell my house to get her equity out unless i let her and lil sis move in. I realize she didnt legally have a right to the equity then but I felt I owed her and agreed
- about 6 months into the stay at my place she found another flip opportunity and got a beautiful house for under market
- she left about 60k in equity at the time and i purchased the second house
- the agreement was i pay the mortgage (2k) she pay utilities (about 600), and its my house
- 6 months into the new house, without my consent her new boyfriend started staying over consistently
- about 1 month after they started dating he moves in
- 6 months after that his mother moves in (its a big house and can certainly accommodate everyone, but they only contribute the utilities)
So here we are, all I ever wanted was my own place, peace of mind, solitude and my own life. On one hand I have benefited financially because of my mother, and I don't think she's an absolutely awful person. At the same time I wonder how much I have to repay her for all she did in raising me, putting me through school, and helping me purchase homes.
AITA for saying enough is enough and that I just want to live my own life, and selling the home that 4 other people live in? Or do I need to wait it out until my little sister finishes high school in 5 years (which was my original timeline). I truly don't think my lot in life would have been as good without my mother, so I do truly feel lost in this regard.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
lKuHYRV32125uj90WpmHwnZUdS9KfwPr
|
b7rgvw
|
{
"description": "not buying a pen from a poor little girl. :(",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not buying a pen from a poor little girl. :(
|
So, i was walking towards the subway and this really poor lady with her kid was selling ballpoint pens near the stairs to the entrance of the subway. The lady was sitting down with her stocks of pens and her daughter (probably 5-6 years old) was wandering around trying to sell the pens. They were there trying to earn an honest living, and not begging for shit.
She tried to sell me the pens(really cheap, 2 for 10 rupees or 14 cents) but i didn't wanted to, so i firmly said no and tried to get past her. She grabbed me and really tried to force me to buy those pens from her. It was all like an act of desperation at this point. And that really threw me off and i stood firm on the decision of not buying those pens from her at any cost.
Now, there are couple of reasons i did that.
1. She started with the phrase " Buy this, so i can have food". And i live in a 3rd world country, i know that that is the go to dialogue of these people to sell shit. Sometimes what they do is build a community and sell different stuff in crowded places and send these children to sell stuff using this go to dialogue, and if you fall for one, then the one that sold you their stuff will tell the other children with different products to go up to you and try to sell their stuff to you. And they will really get on to your tail and become very persistent.
2. After 2 or 3 firm rejections she became desperate and grabbed my legs and tried to force me for the purchase.
And i was like, if she gets away with this trick this time she will know that this works and will do this to everyone she can. If even 2 or 3 people after me fall for this, she will make it her go to act. And that is not the level of low self worth any human should hit.
I thought that by doing this i would give her a lesson, and make her reconsider what she was doing, that grabbing onto someones feet in desperation to get money will not always work.
But deep down i still feel bad and like an asshole for doing that to her. Although not much that 10 rupees would have helped her in one way or another.
And P.S a girl, specially a really young one grabbing onto/ touching your feet/legs are a big no no in my religion so even that's kind of weighing down on me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
x4s4zj8SpYxhpwCLE2aaX6SuOJjTCQnX
|
avc2mg
|
{
"description": "insisting that my best friends needs medical help even if it ruins our friendship and makes her feel terrible",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for insisting that my best friends needs medical help even if it ruins our friendship and makes her feel terrible?
|
My best friend has not seen a doctor in 10 years. She is 22 years old and has never seen a gynecologist. She is not a virgin and had multiple sex partners. Those sex partners both slept with women in the past who have had HPV type 18 and 16. These types are the most cancerous ones and also usually completely asymptomatic.
She had suffered severe trauma last year and has PTSD. Refuses to go to therapy, and thinks her mental issues are not that big of a deal.
She is usually strong and controls herself, until she bursts out and all the mental issues explode in her at once. When she bursts, we are talking massive breakdowns that make her fall ill and bedridden. Only when she is in that state she is able to express her true feelings regarding the trauma. But after she recovers, she usually reverts back to denial and pretending to act normal.
She also has stomach problems, probably gastritis. Does not get any medicine for it, but “handles” her flares with camomile tea.
Her family is very “natural remedy” oriented and very put off by modern medicine as well. They do not consider that having not had a blood test in 10 years is abnormal, nor that their fully adult daughter has never been tested for uterus cancer or breast cancer.
We argue about this every day. She begged me to just stop asking her to see a doctor. She told me that if I don’t stop, she will simply not be able to be friends with me anymore. Every time I bring it up she straight up goes into panic mode and turns into a complete rage fueled beast. She tells me I am hurting her and I am the cause of her distress.
However, my stubbornness is getting the best of me and it got to the point where I would rather destroy our friendship for the small chance she gets a reality check and realizes just how wrong her mentality is and at what cost her negligence and ignorance came with. The worst part is, every time she has a breakdown, it is me who has to clean up the mess, take care of her and nurse her. I have to hear her cry and scream for hours in pain just because she refuses to take any painkiller.
Sometimes she has insomnia for days due to the PTSD, refuses to take any sleeping aid apart from valerian root tea. I have literally an entire stock of various sleeping pills and no matter who much I try to teach her, explain to her about the substance and how it acts on the brain etc etc she still won’t take anything. It severely impacts her academic life.
We argue every day about it. I begged her to at least get a full blood test, and a gynecologist visit for a full range of tests, most importantly a pap smear. I even offered her to pay for a couple of therapy sessions with a very highly ranked therapist just to try it out. She flat out refused and told me she feels healthy and nothing is wrong with her.
I am making her feel miserable but truth be told, I’d rather lose my best friend than accept her ignorant behavior and mentality.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
wAYFU7Uyzven7vJ09Butn2xpgEQwb8UE
|
9z6dp1
| null |
AITA. Dropped off his stuff to pick up.
|
my ex broke up with me after 6 years suddenly. He called me and told me to take my stuff out of his apartment one day and that it was over because of a list of reasons. My guess is he was harbouring frustrations and it just became too much one day (I won’t list the things he said to me here because they are things I can’t fix and they were very hurtful).
It’s been a month and he texts me that I took his friends PS4 game. All the stuff I brought back I put away in a box to deal with later. I went digging through it and yes I did take the game by mistake because it was in a pile of my PS4 games.
​
I dropped it off at the café near his house (1 minute) and he said that I owe him the respect of dropping it off in person. His reasoning is that because he gave me back my house key at my house in my mailbox (after a month of me waiting and texting for him to give it back and getting no texts back), I should give him the same respect and schedule a time to give the game back.
​
I haven’t answered the text. I don’t know where his friend lives and my exes mailbox is too small to fit the game in.
​
I’m not trying to be difficult but I can’t handle seeing my ex right now and so I thought dropping it off at his regular café would be fine. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
RHAKyXWMVHc6URCzGcD44SUZWoLO2Mgw
|
b7arzf
|
{
"description": "turning down a \"well-endowed\" woman",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 32
}
|
AITA for turning down a "well-endowed" woman?
|
Throwaway since close friends know my main.
Brief Sidenote: I've always preferred more boyish-looking women, e.g tall, smaller breasts, short hair, etc. Now, onto the story.
I recently broke up with my girlfriend, and decided to try blind dating. I started chatting with this woman - she was great: funny, snarky, a bit sarcastic, and just overall a blast to talk to. We agreed to meet at this local Italian place about halfway between us. I turned up, and well, she was very "womanly" let's say. We talked for a bit, ate, and at the end of the date she asked if I'd like to meet up again.
Her: So, when's next time?
Me: Er, about that.... sorry, but I don't really know if I'd like that.
Her: What? Why not?
Me: Well, how do I put this... you've got a nice personality but you're a bit too well-off in the chest area.
Her: Are you calling me fat?
I tried to explain that no, I didn't mean that at all, I just prefer smaller breasts when she storms off, leaving me alone with the bill. I felt like a right dick at that point, so I just paid and left. When I told my sister about this, she got pissed and started telling me I was really rude and should apologise, but I think although I was a tad rude, paying for her food was more than enough of an apology, especially since she didn't even give me a chance to explain myself.
So, Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
rTwO2JgCM2RQ9jIUuFEObzz2wOl0K4P7
|
ajbo1q
|
{
"description": "pushing my boyfriend to take viagra",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for pushing my boyfriend (26) to take viagra? (22F)
|
Throwaway account for obvious reasons; tl;dr on the bottom. Apologies for the wall of text, however the issue has been bugging me for weeks.
​
A little bit of background: I am epileptic and take medication to control my seizures. I used to be in a commited relationship 2-3 years ago, and at this time I was taking contraceptive pills. I had some issues with that, and it turned out that I *cannot* take any sort of hormonal contraception (that includes plasters, injections, and the pills) and coils are not advised for women who haven't had a child yet. My epilepsy medication drives my metabolism nuts, so any hormones that I take are "burnt" so if I wanted to take hormonal contraception, I'd need an extreme amount of hormones or decrease the dose of my epilepsy medication, and I don't want to do either. *Condoms are the only available form of contraception for me* (I don't want to risk getting pregnant by weak pull out game).
​
Main story: Me (22F) and my boyfriend (26) have been dating for about 7 months now. Whenever we wanted to have sex, at some point after the foreplay I'd take out the condom and let him put it on. He'd struggle and that was causing him to lose his erection. It kept happening over the couple of times we were staying at mine, and got to the point that after it happened again I bursted into tears and asked what was wrong with me. I've had sexual partners before and it would never happen to me; no man has lost erection while being with me, so I began to wonder if I was the problem?
​
I bought a pack of larger condoms, they were fitting better, however after a couple of minutes my BF would lose erection once inside me. The situation started to be killing me, and after some point I suggested that my bf could get some viagra. He didn't seem to consider the idea completely stupid, and I was hoping that he'd buy the blue pills and we could have sex normally. That, however, didn't happen, and the next time he was staying at mine, the "it's hard, *aaaaaaand it's gone*" situation happened again. I was very upset and angry, but didn't want to aggravate the situation by having a hissy fit over it or be a b\*tch.
​
When we were recently planning on seeing each other (which would result in staying at mine), I asked him again to get the blue pills. He ingored my request until the following day, when we actually saw each other. I asked him about the pills, and he said that he hadn't bought them. We had a pretty serious conversation about why he doesn't want to take viagra. He said that it had been a couple of years when his last regular sexual partner had to use condoms, and the partners he had before me were on some sort of hormonal contraception, so he wasn't used to using condoms anymore. Apparently the condoms I had in the first place weren't comfortable for him and he was getting so stressed while putting them on, that it would cause him to lose erection. Now, even though the new condoms are better fit, he is constantly worried that he'd lose erection, and this stress does make him lose erection, creating a vicious cycle. Apart from that, he is generally stressed/anxious in his life, and the day-to-day worries overwhelm him anyway. He claims that he needs to sort things out outside of our relationship to regain some stability in his life and that this would be the fix for his erection struggles; I said I'd help him if he needs any help with his mental health and offered support. Lastly, me asking him to buy viagra made him feel like half of a man and *he doesn't want to take medication for someone*.
​
Him losing the erection make me feel like half of a woman, too. I have a strong sex drive and lack of sex when I am clearly willing and ready and can't get it, makes me feel terrible and undesirable. I cannot do anything about my epilepsy and my inability to take hormonal contraception, and, for my own safety, I will not take the pills again. On one hand, I understand where he is coming from with the unwillingness to take medication for someone, I respect this decision (because I am in many aspects the same), however imho, viagra seems like the best option for now. I did some reading about it, and viagra is the best thing to use when a man is under 40 and is struggling to keep the erection, and is especially advised while experiencing stressful events in life in general.
​
Will I be the asshole if I tell him again to take viagra? I do have feelings for the guy, the couple of times we had sex (less than 5 times over the period of however long we're dating...), I loved it. I enjoy having sex, I enjoy having sex with him, I want the both of us to be happy and not feel any less of a man/woman. Is there anything I can do apart from worrying that I am the asshole?
​
**tl;dr**: I'm epileptic and can't take hormonal contraception; condoms are the safest option for me. Condoms, however, make my boyfriend lose his erection and we don't have sex even though both of us are in the mood. I asked him twice to get viagra to help him keep the erection while having the condom on, but he refuses claiming that a) it makes him feel less of a man and b) he doesn't want to take medication for someone instead for himself. AITA for pushing him to take viagra?
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"description": "being annoyed that my boyfriend doesn't wear the expensive coats I've bought him",
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AITA for being annoyed that my boyfriend doesn’t wear the expensive coats I’ve bought him?
|
To give some context, my boyfriend and I both like investing in nice items for our wardrobe. Two years ago, he tried on a very nice down jacket at Patagonia. It’s one of their nicer, more technical jackets - extremely light and perfect for cold weather. At the time, this jacket was out of his budget ($450), but he kept trying it on and saying how great it was, so I offered to buy it for him as a Christmas present.
He didn’t wear it out much the remainder of the winter, and while I was sort of disappointed that I spent all this money on something he didn’t even wear, I figured he would wear it more the next year.
This past year, he’s talked consistently about wanting to invest in a specific wool topcoat, which retails for $550. He even went into the store in London when we were there in the Spring to try it on, and planned on purchasing it on Black Friday as it would be 30% off. Seeing as I didn’t have anything else in mind to gift him for Christmas this year, I offered again to purchase the topcoat for him on Black Friday for Christmas.
He was super excited about it and extremely thankful. I told him “you didn’t really wear the Patagonia jacket I got you much, and I wish you did. If I were to buy this jacket for you ,how often would you wear it?” and he said “probably 2 or 3 times a week in the colder months.” It sounded like he would get his cost per wear out of the jacket, so I was more than happy to buy it for him as a gift.
Well, it’s been 3 months since he’s had the wool jacket and he’s probably worn it twice. He’s worn the Patagonia one maybe twice as well this winter, and chooses to wear this other jacket he bought for himself (a lighter down jacket) every day instead. Even when it was very snowy and below freezing in our city last week, he chose to just layer flannel instead of wearing either of the coats I’ve gifted him.
Today, we were driving to the grocery store and I asked him why he didn’t wear the coats, to which he couldn’t come up with an answer other than “I just don’t feel like it” I then told him I was hurt that he would ask for expensive gifts and then not get any use out of it, as it feels like he doesn’t value my money. He told me that I was out of line, that the items aren’t mine and that I have no say over what he does with the things I give him. He even said that he doesn’t annoy me about the gifts he buys me (he bought me a very nice leather handbag that I had asked for for Christmas), except I reminded him that I wear that handbag almost every day that I’m not at work. He then turned the car back to our house, stormed inside, and came back wearing one of the jackets, but not without telling me that I was insane and he was “so over me.”
Am I being the asshole here for being disappointed and annoyed that he doesn’t use the expensive items that I bought him, especially since they’re things he asked for?
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"description": "not giving back my ex's stuff",
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AITA for not giving back my ex's stuff?
|
So i don't know how else to word the title where I don't immediately sound like an asshole but here's the run down.
I was recently in a terrible relationship for 4 months or so with a guy I met off Tinder (already a red flag, I know). We didn't click emotionally, even from the start, he was extremely immature with his own and my own feelings and for a lot of the relationship I felt myself putting in more than I was getting back. The entire fiasco was toxic for the both of us and I can recognize my own faults but through argument and conversation I can definitely say that he doesn't understand how his own bs also helped crumble the relationship from the start, rather pinning the blame entirely on me.
But last November for an early Christmas, I bought him this rather expensive sweater and a childhood book of mine (A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett for those who are interested) neither of which were well received. I wasn't hurt that he didn't have the same taste as me in fashion or book choices but I was deeply hurt that whenever he stayed at my place he would attempt to leave the gifts behind. It's hard to explain the nuances of this but somehow no matter how hard I tried to make the gifts stick with him it would always end up back at mine, unworn and unread. This went on for a month. I knew he didn't like them but he could at least do me the decency of keeping it somewhere in the back of his closet in his own home.
So now that we've been broken up for about 2 weeks and I've been left with many emotional scars, he's been texting me every now and then demanding for his stuff back. The only things of his that I have at mine are the sweater and book. And when I explained to him that he didn't even want them in the first place, which we both definitely knew, he said that "It's not any of my business to know why he wants them" along with berating me about what a terrible person I was etcetc. Basic angry ex stuff. I told him that I will give him his stuff when I am ready and have free time (which I mostly don't) he can't seem to accept that I'm not ready to see him again or even talk to him for that matter.
What I don't understand is why suddenly, as soon as it's over he wants the gifts that I bought him back. When even if he walked away without them he would've lost nothing (I used my money after all). On one hand I can see how it's a dick move to hold onto items that are technically his but according to the receipt and his previous attitude towards them they're really not.
Any insights would be appreciated, it's hard to admit if you're being an asshole when you're in the midst of the entire shitshow.
​
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "expecting my parents, who want the best for me, to understand my self destructive thoughts",
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AITA for expecting my parents, who want the best for me, to understand my self destructive thoughts?
|
Disclaimer: Hopefully i formulated my question correctly, not seeking help regarding my mental issues.
I'm a 24 yo student. I resent my academic life. After high school i rationally chose to study something that matched my "capabilities". Now i am paralyzed by lack of motivation. Had many ups and downs. When i lose hope i find a way to pick myself up. Talk extenisvely with close friends and family. Reading multiple self help books and tried to put in practise. Seek out professional help. Been seeing a psychologist for 2 years. Nonetheless i keep falling back and the lows get lower. Suicidal thoughts a year ago. Recover and push on. Now i am back down and i dont want to improve anymore. I dont want to seek solutions. I want everything to go to shit.. my parents tell me to get it together. I try to explain them that i cant because of how i feel, but it doesnt resonate with them. They support me if i want to stop studying, but tell me i should do something else. Am i the asshole for wanting to tell them that i dont want to make my life better now. Should/Can I expect them to understand my feelings, which seem to be contradictory to their core beliefs?
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"description": "withholding chips",
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|
AITA for withholding chips?
|
Me and my step sis work at the same fish and chips takeaway. After work, we get a free bag of chips or a couple of potato cakes. When we bring chips home, we share them with the family. After a lot of pushing from my step dad, he got my step bro to get a job coaching soccer (⚽ not 🏉).
After getting the job, he'd boast about the better pay ($50AU a game/$12AU per hour) and how he's got a better job, blah blah blah. As my SS has stopped briging chips because she's got sick of them, I'm the only one that does.
After a few weeks of showing off, I wouldn't let SB have any chips as obviously because "you have the better job, you can pay for them yourself." my step/parents were annoyed, and said I was being selfish.
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "getting rid of my Netflix and Hulu accounts that my family has been using for the past 6 years",
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|
WIBTA for getting rid of my Netflix and Hulu accounts that my family has been using for the past 6 years
|
So I have been paying for my Netflix and Hulu for a long time. Netflix I watch a lot, but Hulu I barely look at.
Now the other day I did the math just for the cost of Netflix every month for 6 years and ...it came out to a lot. Like it really added up. That’s not even including the Hulu account.
The thing is... I don’t even use Hulu, I literally only keep it because my parents and brother watch my account. But that leaves me paying $12 a month, for other people to enjoy television. I only haven’t gotten rid of it because I was scared they’d be mad if I did, but at the same time they’ve been enjoying it for free for so long, how is that fair?
Also Netflix is about to bump up to something like $15 a month to have more than 2 people watch it at a time. I currently have like 4 people not including myself watching on my account (my parents, my brother and his girlfriend). My boyfriend though currently has nobody on his account and has kindly said I could use his for free, which would give me a nice break from having other people mooch off of my account that I’ve been paying the total cost for since I was literally a teenager.
So please, if I delete either or both of these accounts to save some money, will I be the asshole? I don’t want to disappoint people or make them mad at me but rounding the Netflix costs to just $13 a month I calculated that over the past 6 years I’ve payed $936+ for Netflix that everyone uses but nobody helps pay for, and as for Hulu I don’t even use it and would not miss it. Please give me your honest opinions, they’re all older than me with their own jobs/money, is this really a fair deal?
TLDR: been paying for Netflix for 6 years, Hulu for about a year or two, want to get rid of them since I don’t need them but scared my family will be mad since they use my accounts, but nobody has helped with the money at all.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "not moving to the edge of the lecture hall",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for not moving to the edge of the lecture hall?
|
tl;dr: Group of 3 girls enters a lecture late and tries to get me to move to the very edge of a lecture hall, then don't even stay for the full lecture.
I entered the lecture hall and grabbed a seat 10 minutes before the lecture started (my uni starts classes 10 minutes after the hour), and my friend (who I usually sit with) told me that he would be a little bit late, and so I set my stuff on a chair beside me to save it. Because I knew my friend would be late, I chose a seat in the middle of the side section of the lecture hall. This row had 7 seats, and I sat in the 4th seat in from the aisle. Five minutes after this, a girl entered and sat at the end of the row (aisle seat), and another student sat at the very end of the row (ie right beside the wall).
Five minutes after the lecture began (ie 15 minutes after I sat down), a group of three girls enters and tries to sit with the girl in the aisle seat. Since there were only two seats between me and the aisle seat, they asked if I would mind moving over. I responded (in a soft tone) that I actually would mind, and didn't want to move over. The girl that asked me looks visibly surprised, and they decide to split up. Immediately after, one of the other girls in this group asks if they can sit beside me on the other side. The first girl had already sat down on my right side, and I was still saving a seat for my friend, so I replied that I was saving the seat.
5-10 minutes after this, my friend gets to the lecture, and takes his seat beside me. For an entire 45 minutes during the lecture, I could tell that these girls were messaging each other about me, undoubtedly saying what an asshole I am.
During the lecture, I notice that the girl sitting on my right isn't even listening to the lecture, and is busy either checking facebook or working on some assignment.
After the first 50 minutes had passed in the lecture, we had our mid-lecture break (as the lecture was 2 hours), and all 4 of these girls get up and leave, and do not return.
so, all in all, AITA for not moving to accommodate a group of latecomers (when some of them aren't even in the class)?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "telling my bf's friend's gf that her bf cheated on her",
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|
WIBTA for telling my bf’s friend’s gf that her bf cheated on her?
|
My boyfriend is currently living with a close friend of his and his friends gf. I have gotten to know them fairly well and we hang out often.
Recently my bf’s friend confided in him that he cheated on his gf while he was on a trip home visiting his family. Rather than tell his gf this, he has decided it is too late to save the relationship and has decided to break up with her. For the past two weeks they have been fighting and it is heartbreaking to hear about. The gf doesn’t understand what is going on. They have been together for a couple years at this point and all of a sudden her bf is insisting the relationship is over. She asked him if he cheated and he told her he wouldn’t answer the question.
My bf has been staying over at my place to give them room, but his friend even asked him to stay over there the other night to “ease the tension”, which I think really means “help him avoid his gf confronting him.”
I think at this point the gf deserves the truth. She clearly wants a legitimate explanation for why all of a sudden her long term relationship is ending. It is just a really sad situation. On top of that, the bf is now planning to pursue a long distance relationship with the girl he cheated with because he thinks she’s “the one”. I think this is ridiculous. He just MAJORLY fucked up.. i don’t think it’s the time to start another relationship. Especially another relationship that began with cheating!
Basically this guy is being really shitty and hurtful to his gf. Would I or my bf be the asshole for telling the gf what’s up? I don’t know that it’s my place to say anything and my bf feels loyalty to his friend who confided in him, but I just feel bad for her. If she asks me or him directly, would we be the asshole for telling her the truth?
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| null |
AITA for beighn mad at my friend for leaving me for his gf
|
So, the context is that I am not really a social person, and I rarely even walk out of my home unless for school. I have one friend, lets call him D, and hes essentialy the only person I talk to.
He spends most of his time either for studying or his gf, but every tuesday we hang out at his home.
But this time, he also brings his gf. I wouldnt say that I hate her or anything, but we have a really long and complicated relationships with each other(shes also my ex).
So at first its fine, we talk and laugh and stuff, but not even an hour passes as they just proceed to lay in bed and hug. I was kinda irritated, but for the rest of the day just sat there and talked to them, while they were cuddling.
Then he asks me to take something from the first floor. When I returned to the room, what I see is them puling their hand out of each other pants. They try to laugh it off, but at this point im generally disgusted.
But, the gf has to leave in 30 minutes, and D just straight up grabs her in his hands and takes her to another room, while saying "wait here a little, we gonna [rub] a bit(dont really kbow how to say it english, the meaning is basically the same, but on my language it sounds waaaaaay more vulgar)
Ive sat there for 15 minutes, and then just grab my stuff and left
D sincerelly didnt understand why I was mad, and all he said was " well execuse me, but we didnt see each other for a while, so we wanted to [rub]". He also tried to blame me for "not stoping them"
Both D and his gf know me for years now, and they perfectly know that I dislike both people flirting before me and people leaving me/making me wait after we had plans
So, was it really an asshole thing to do? Or am I making a fuss put of nothing?
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"description": "signing up for dating apps and having anonymous convos about sex with men and women online? I don't consider it cheating but my wife does. I think she is being dramatic and stupid",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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|
AITA for signing up for dating apps and having anonymous convos about sex with men and women online? I don’t consider it cheating but my wife does. I think she is being dramatic and stupid.
|
Long story short, I have been diagnosed bipolar with severe PTSD from a shit childhood.
About a year into our marriage, shortly after we had our son, I started cruising personal adds on Craigslist (not a thing anymore), signing up for hookup sites for men and women under hidden emails.
My wife should be a private detective because she found everything.
She is hysterical and unreasonable about all of this. I never met up with anyone. I did flirt and tell some people I was leaving her and didn’t love my wife. I did it for that rush of excitement that I don’t get from her.
Since our baby, she is all about him. Don’t get me wrong, I get it. But I get bored and curious. Sometimes I will meet people online, leave the house while the family is sleeping and have great conversations with great people over the phone.
She thinks it’s inappropriate because of the things I say, but it’s all bullshit because it is online.
I think she needs to understand that in my eyes it’s not cheating. Luckily, she isn’t that kind of person and is faithful to a fault. I wish she would get over it and let me be me while she handles shit at home. Why is that so bad?
|
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"description": "'pushing in'",
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|
AITA for 'pushing in'?
|
Ok so this is not one of those posts where i really dont expect anyone to actually think i'm an asshole, but just want validation. I'm 80% sure i'm not the asshole, but i can kind of see that some people might think i am the asshole. So please let me know what you think.
So i've been in hospital recently for a medical issue, and i've had to check in with the GP (general doctor at local medical centre) for monitoring and whatnot. With full time work getting to a GP can be a pain, but luckily my local medical centre opens at 7am, and that leaves me JUST enough time if i can get out of there by 7.30am, so i can get to work on time.
So this morning i decide that is what i will do, i arrive and park at 6.45am, to find already about 6-7 people standing around the entrance at in the street. We're all sort of grouped around the door in a circle, some close to the door, some near the path, but all within about 4-5 metres of the door. A couple people arrive after me as well.
So i come along and stand around like everyone else, and at 7am an employee opens up and everyone of course congregates to walk in. Now since this is a single door way, and people are standing kind of in a circle, obviously there's not particular order people are going to walk in. I was obviously keen to get in the door and start lining up, i was by no means the first through the door, i did not run up to the door or get aggressive, i just walked in and filed in with the rest of the people. There was no semblance of a line, no one was lining up, they were just standing in a group.
As soon as i walk in this old guy actually grabs my shoulder and says 'This other gentleman got here before you' and points to the younger guy walking in behind me. The younger guy actually says 'don't worry about it'. I just look at the old guy like wtf, because i've never been grabbed by a stranger like that before. I just keep walking in, and two steps later he actually RUNS up to me and grabs me quite aggressively by the arms and actually tries to pull me back. I said firmly to him 'EXCUSE ME, do not touch me'. At this the old guy says (quite petulantly, like a little child i thought) 'well YOU dont push' and walks off in front of me.
i'm pretty gobsmacked and actually fucking furious now. If someone had said politely hey sorry i got here first, do you mind if i go in front of you i'm in a rush, of course i would have let them. ALSO there was no way of knowing who got there first, second, third, etc. I wasn't being a bitch trying to run in in front of anyone, i was just walking in like everyone else, and i am sure once we formed the line in front of the receptionist it couldnt have been exactly in the order people arrived, because by that time there were at least a dozen people lined up.
I was really burning by the time we were standing in line for the receptionist, i was actually standing behind the old guy, and the other younger guy was behind me. I turned around to the younger guy after a while and said 'you should go in front of me' and he refused and said no it's really fine, don't worry about it, i really don't care.. he said that several times. But i insisted, i told him i do not want the old guy turning around and touching me again.
So.. what do you think? Should i have made sure i let everyone who arrived before me walk in the door before i got in behind them? Or if people are standing around in a circle /group like that it's basically however the people end up lining up?
tldr: standing at the entrance of a medical centre at opening time with a group of people waiting to be let in. Group walks in, old guys grabs me and tries to say i'm pushing in.
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|
{
"description": "cutting in front of people who jumped the line",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I cut in front of people who jumped the line?
|
There’s s Tim Hortons I go to at much that’s really busy because everyone from my school goes there. A lot of the time a huge group of people will just jump in line right in front of me. Would I be the asshole if I just cut in front of them?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
AkQ6G11N2m9C9N4EkRdDtuCQP0Gx6eXl
|
b4gr3c
|
{
"description": "letting things go too far with my close friend who's in a Long Term relationship",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for Letting Things go too far with my Close Friend who's in a Long Term Relationship?
|
I started working with this girl around 3 years ago. We quickly became close and would go to events that were slightly left-of-field together (indie theatre shows, 80s dance nights etc). For the first year it was mainly platonic between us but with time we grew more and more intimate. It got to the point where I thought lines were being crossed and I was honest about my feelings to her. She agreed we probably took it too far and while she cared for me deeply, she was committed to her relationship. I understood and we agreed there needed to be some space between us for a while and after that it was almost as if it was back to when we were purely platonic.
Last night though we met up at an event and while we didn't do anything that would explicitly count as cheating, I did feel as though we were at the very least blurring the lines between friendship and something more. In the interest of determining the exact extent of my assholishness it was mainly things like her taking my hands in hers, putting an arm around her while she rested her head against my chest and other, similar small gestures of physical affection. At the end of the night we were on a balcony and sitting really close to one another and we just stopped speaking and stared into each other's eyes for a really long time. I know if it was my SO if I heard about things like that, it probably wouldn't sit too well with me. AITA for continuing to allow, and contributing to this stuff happening? She definitely has feelings for me too on some level, but seems to be conflicted about it. If I am the asshole in this scenario, how can I not be one, and how can I be the friend she deserves?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
uHx3lXFsZBjKQelJobkpxucld6rjTYB3
|
ahvgit
|
{
"description": "texting an ex on our birthday in front of my current girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for texting an ex on our birthday in front of my current girlfriend?
|
Background: 5 years ago, I dated a girl while abroad in Europe. She was south American and very conventionally attractive. We have birthdays on seperate days, but due to the time zones when it is her birthday in my country, it is my birthday in hers so we wish one another on the same day and we have for years. Last year, in our post wish small talk, I excitedly told her about my current girlfriend and how amazing she is and how in love I am. The ex responded by sending me a nude picture. It was awkward, being unsolicited. I showed it to my current gf as a kind of "wow this girl thinks she can steal me lol".
Fast forward to a year later, gf and I are in bed. She reminded me of the other girl and I quickly message her "happy birthday" and then scroll my insta feed for a bit. Gf then starts to act weird. Saying she just wants to sleep. She was a bit sick earlier in the evening so I assume that is showing up again.
During the night I can tell she's not sleeping and I ask what's wrong, "nothing" being her only reply. I wake up at 6am, and she's fully dressed and packing her things. She tells me the fact I texted an old flame in front of her hurt her feelings and she's leaving for good. That was pretty much the last I saw of her, and she blocked me on all social media. Sucks cause we had plans to spend the whole day together (to celebrate my birthday) and I was going to surprise her with concert tickets at dinner. Relationship over I guess.
TL;DR: texted an ex "happy birthday," girlfriend of over a year leaves with little fanfare. I think it's a massive overreaction, am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
fBIv8xD5zNE3vbgacw4lJWHllD75QxLF
|
b51f4u
|
{
"description": "telling my crush to gtfo if she talks about other guys",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
AITA for telling my crush to GTFO if she talks about other guys?
|
So me and this girl have been talking for a few weeks now, and I'm crushing on her a fair bit. According to her friends, she likes me too. Anyway, we were hagnin out at my place just talking about life, sort of cuddled up when she mentioned a guy she thought was kinda cute. It sort of fucked my vibe, and I just kind of zoned her out, she kept talking i think. I just stort of looked at my phone, checking for memes and shit, when she sort of poked me, asking why I wasnt listening to her.
I got real and told her that she wasnt gonna talk about other guys if this shit was gonna happen, and that she's free to get the fuck out if she think that shit will fly with me. She tried arguing and kind of did let it slip that she does like me, but i just said that if she still comments that other guys are cute, she should probably just fuck off, she tried to defend herself, but just ended up kinda giving me a nasty look and leaving after a while
aNyway, a mutual friend called me up saying shes really upset that i kicked her out, and that I overreacted and that i'm jealous, since it wasnt even a guy she knows or some shit. I basically told him that her shit wont fly and that I dont care if she likes me, shes not gonna do that bullshit with me. he sorta hung up and ive gotten 1-2 salty messages from her since. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 27
}
|
WRONG
|
GfGX5cgEEkCo964vp6maWAYsAZCH6jMH
|
agw3zp
|
{
"description": "being upset with my husband for \"not wanting to talk about\" what he's angry at me about for four days straight",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being upset with my husband for "not wanting to talk about" what he's angry at me about for four days straight?
|
My husband and I are usually best friends. Lately things have been a bit...off. I have tried confronting him but he says he doesn't want to have an argument and he "knows" that if he tells me what's wrong it will start an argument.
I've been upset and anxious because he's been so passive aggressive lately but refuses to talk about it.
I feel lonely and weird and keep thinking about the worst situations. Everytime I ask him to tell me what's wrong he says "we'll talk about it tonight" or "tomorrow" then when I get upset he says I'm being hostile and so it's not the right time to talk about it. I'm so sick of this.
I feel like this isn't fair. But I don't want to force him to talk about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
3tC01OmkT4XQ8p8ZMi6RXgfVIxs5KQzj
|
a7bs1f
|
{
"description": "losing a friend's dog while on their honeymoon",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA For losing a friend's dog while on their honeymoon?
|
This happened a few months back. My mom's co-workers (the dog's owners) went on their honeymoon and my mom offered to take of their dog. My mom brings this up to me and I agree to help take care of the dog (being 16 years old). By the second day we had the dog, he did not leave his cage for a split second. This dog was extremely young and scared of people. Despite this, I kept the door open in case the dog wanted to wonder; also in hopes he would warm up to me and the environment he was in. To my surprise, the dog began to wonder when I wasn't around, so I went upstairs to shower while the dog walked around downstairs. I come back downstairs and I can't find this little fella anywhere. The only thing that's open to the outside is the window, yet I don't know how the dog could've got up onto the ledge 3-4 ft off the ground. Meanwhile, my mom is out on a business trip for the next two days. Once I realize the dog is outside, I call all of my friends and we are driving around looking for this dog everywhere. 4 days go by and the dog is being spotted, but nobody is able to catch him. My mom handles the situation surprisingly well and claims that it was not my fault (which I personally disagree with). Anyway, my mom notifies her co-workers on their honeymoon as to what happened and the fiance ends up coming back early from their honeymoon (in Hawaii) to help look for the dog. A week goes by and we find out the dog was hit by a car, 7 miles from our house and had to be put down. AITA for leaving the dog unsupervised downstairs? Or am I just an idiot?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
A08co2TH9uX3glSMk7byKmHxPqDc8pIa
|
ahdfx4
|
{
"description": "assuming I knew my multiplication tables",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for assuming I knew my multiplication tables?
|
Unconventional post, but this happened when I was in third grade, and it's something that has stayed with me for the last 16 years.
We were doing our daily multiplication quizzes, and the teacher had us grade the quizzes ourselves. It was towards the end of the year, and I hadn't missed a question all term. These quizzes also took painfully long to grade, so I would just finish them as fast as possible, and put checkmarks next to all the questions, indicating that I got 100%. One day, the teacher walked around and saw that I had given myself 100% even though we hadn't finished grading the quizzes. She proceeded to lay into me for the next 5ish minutes with some variation of "well aren't you a little shit" and "if you're so smart, what's x minus y times z". For the last few quizzes of the year, she made me turn the quiz in to her so she could grade it herself. I'm OK with being the asshole - just wanted to get a definitive answer. Thanks!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
vTAhoaALKT3Ogzl6Q21eVBt3Hh7oGyGq
|
b5l1jd
|
{
"description": "asking whether we are staying together when we go overseas",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking whether we are staying together when we go overseas?
|
I am seeing this guy and we have been close friends for 3 years and decided to start sleeping together in the last 6 months. I have planned a 4 month excursion overseas with 3 weeks to go the countdown is On.
I had told him he was welcome to come with me since he's not really doing anything. This was about 6 months ago anyway the other day he tells me he is coming with me from when I arrive for a couple of weeks.
I was so happy he had decided to come along and wanted to ask him his plan and whether he wanted to stay together with me as it would help on bills plus we are sleeping together so it makes sense.
Next he says after me asking him if he would like to get accommodation with me that I should just sort my own accommodation and he will sort out his. That's okay I get you need your own space but why are you coming with me when I have my first attempt of complete independence and to set up a new life elsewhere that you want to come the first 3 weeks of it to do what? Clearly not staying with me, but then finally has a comfortable excuse to go elsewhere?
I get commitment issues and I wasn't asking him to marry me but he was acting like I was some sort of abomination to even think like that.
Not sure on what to do now as we are not talking and it feels very much broken.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
DdjjTxzJ5oVZ9UC8iTQKLKSaSY3ccQKF
|
ava421
|
{
"description": "telling my wife that her breasts were saggy",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for telling my wife that her breasts were saggy.
|
All right guys. Now before you think I'm an asshole please read this.
I and my wife are in our late thirties. We've been married for 14 years. Now, before having sex we decided to play a game highlighting the features we had which would classsify us as old. I had to point or hers and vice versa.
She started off by telling me that I had crows feet and I was starting to get out of shape and I look like a high school principal and look like someone who scares teenage girls. It went on for some time. After a while, I told her that her boobs were saggy and men won't even give her a second glance.
That's it. She started crying, and told me to find someone young with firm breasts and went to sleep. I was just playing along. I love her. But did I fuck up? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
WRONG
|
eoFB74op9lypifWc82yYavW42liJDS0l
|
auugri
|
{
"description": "being upset that my best friend told me she's going to Florida with my other friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset that my best friend told me she's going to Florida with my other friends?
|
I want to clarify: my best friend, I'll call her P, since 1st grade (we're 21 now) and I made close friends with 2 other girls in college, who i will call M and S. All of us had plans to get an apartment together last semester but i sadly had to drop out of school due to health issues. They all got a 3 person apartment though so I'm still able to spend the night occasionally and hang out with them. I've been going through a very, very difficult point in my life and i have told P everything about it and constantly update her on stuff.
She texts me today and tells me to guess what she's doing for spring break, and I say what? She responds saying that S's aunt and uncle invited her and her ROOMMATES to florida for spring break. I was immediately CRUSHED. i told her i wish she didnt tell me that but she said it'd be weirder if she didn't tell me, and i guess she has a point. I immediately said im super happy for her and stuff and that she deserves to go. But now i'm crying because my health issues have held me back from COUNTLESS adventures in life and if i had just stayed in school I would be planning a trip to Florida with all my friends right now. AITA for being upset about this? Was she being insensitive or thoughtful?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
VUMwzK6m4Ji4l97qsYeYLPelynpdtzHV
|
ayi01o
|
{
"description": "being mad @ my gf for agreeing to take another girl to prom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being mad @ my gf for agreeing to take another girl to prom?
|
(Background: our school has a rule that undreclassmen can go to prom, but only if a senior takes them)
So this story starts back in January of this year. My gf and I had been together for a few months and prom was coming up. She had never properly been asked to a dance before so I wanted it to be special. I spent about three hours making a poster with the word "prom?" On it in several different color patterns. She happily agrees to go with me. Everything is fine until a few days ago, when my gf and I were walking together. A mutual friend of ours stops us and tells my gf that she got the go ahead from our VP and all they'd have to do is get their prom tickets. When I inquired wtf she was talking about, gf chimes in saying she was taking other girl to prom so she could go (at least a month after she already agreed to go with me). When I asked her when she was planning on telling me, she responded that she had been meaning to, but hadn't since she figured I wouldn't mind. After that I walked away and didn't hear any more of it.
(Not worried about her cheating on me or anything, just upset that she agreed to this without telling me and assumed I wouldn't mind)
Is this no big deal? Am I overreacting? I just need some unbiased opinions on this situation. Also this is my first post so I'm sorry if I do something wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Z6H66lLMLyWXGugCNy9UrQdFwuMK2VT7
|
b6zj70
|
{
"description": "not letting an acquaintance know that her boyfriend might be cheating on her",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting an acquaintance know that her boyfriend might be cheating on her?
|
I am part of a runner’s group. Over the past two years, I made some friendly acquaintances with some of the members of the group. I wouldn’t call them good friends since none of us talked outside of the group. We would sometimes stay and chat after running, or chat before if some of us were early.
Two of the members in the group really hit it off around the time I joined and they became a couple. Let’s call them Jane and Bob. About a year in, a new girl joined the group. Her name is Lexi. She seemed nice and everyone got along. Bob and Lexi became good friends.
A couple months ago, I planned a Vegas trip for my birthday and in order to keep costs down, I booked a suite for everyone going to share. Long story short, I had some of my close friends bail on the trip each for valid reasons. I decided to invite Jane, Bob, Lexi, and two others from the group to see if they were interested. Jane couldn’t go, but Bob, Lexi, and the two others said they would go.
During the trip I thought I saw some potentially questionable behavior from Bob and Lexi. Lexi is a flirty girl and loves attention. There was a lot of arm touching and horsing around (for example she made him give her piggy back rides). She also put her head on his shoulder like she was tired when we were all chilling in the room after the day club. Also, due to the limited bed situation Lexi and Bob said that they could share the pull out bed together. I felt that they were sleeping a little too close to each other in the morning where it could have been considered spooning.
I brushed it off to them being close friends, it was Vegas and they were drunk, and I didn’t want to meddle, so I didn’t tell Jane how I felt after that weekend passed. I’m not close with any of them, and I didn’t want to ruin our weekly meetup vibe by stirring up drama.
TL;DR: AITA for not telling an acquaintance about potentially flirty activity between her boyfriend and another girl?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
dhyyruQPmy1qtHYSQJRovoIWmsUALnk8
|
akhgsg
|
{
"description": "stealing back money from my brother",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for stealing back money from my brother?
|
So about 2 weeks ago my brother stole $50 from me (and I can prove it) Along with spending his $50, in total he spent $100. Anyway yesterday I decided to take back a little bit and I stole his credit card which had $14 left on it, I ordered about $6.50 worth of products and deleted his card and never touched it again. He still owes me and he knows it even though he vigorously denies it.
TLDR; brother stole $50 from me and I took $6.50 back from him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
P7pybblMs9XkvBlDrmOvdA39amfgvGIY
|
afwess
|
{
"description": "wanting to end, what I perceive to be, a friendship that is just becoming mentally draining on me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting to end, what I perceive to be, a friendship that is just becoming mentally draining on me?
|
This is just a throwaway and I'm not sure if my post title is really enough to understand so I'll just explain the situation in better detail.
Basically for some background info, I've been friends with a guy now since grade 10 and recently finished school and graduated. We always got along well and we'd message each other every day just to chat and all that kind of stuff. At the back end of the year his grandma passed away and she was someone that he had been close to all his life, he basically hasn't really been the same since. However that was never an issue for me, I would always let him know that I was there to support him and always be able to give him someone to talk to when he had any issues. We would still always message and hang out after school, played on the same sports team and just overall had a good strong friendship.
Everything seemed to be turning around again until he had a big crush on a girl. To cut a long story short he was always interested in her and they would hang out as friends but he always saw her as more than friends while she didn't feel the same way. When he asked her out and she declined he started to really struggle mentally again and couldn't get over it. Around this time he started to cut a lot of people out of his life and completely removed all forms of social media he had and stopped talking to a lot of his other friends. He would talk about how he trusted nobody and that everyone was just fake and hated him.
Even currently after almost 6 months he still can't seem to get over her. I've always been there to help him with his troubles and I've always been there to support and help him but recently things have just gotten worse. Last Tuesday the cops arrived at his house and after he told me that he had attempted to kill himself. I continued to be there to listen to him and make sure he understood that I was on his side all the way and that I would help him in any way I could.
However over time and especially lately It's just become increasingly draining to me mentally. For starters he has mentioned in the past that he "feels that he should be a priority and not an after thought" and seems to always be needing to rant to me. Additionally he seems to be rather insensitive to my needs and while i'm always willing to help him I don't feel he returns that favour to me and things are always about him. The final thing that is maybe the straw that breaks the camels back is the fact that he doesn't seem to hold back in insulting me and making fun of me at times, often being condescending with the way he handles any help I try to offer him.
I don't feel like it would be right to just cut off with him especially during such a tough time for him but personally it is really taxing on me and I just don't feel like this is a true friendship anymore. In a way it seems like its all about him and I just have to be there to take of his issues. Maybe I just need to toughen up and stick through but I'm really not too sure.
So reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
j9M4U5EuyVm1orFQTC8Woc05cgmU1VNm
|
b8tzwb
|
{
"description": "not wanting to use a gift my grandparents got for my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to use a gift my grandparents got for my birthday?
|
The gift I received was an Alexa. I opened the gift in a restaurant. My grandparents took me out for dinner and I was eating with the family as well. I open the gift towards the end to find out that it was an Alexa. I pretend to like the gift.
While riding home with my parents, I told them I didn't necessarily want to use gift. And they got mad at me because I didn't want to use it. I appreciate the fact that my grandparents took me out to eat and bought me a gift. I don't intend to throw or give away the gift. I just personally have no need for it. I love my grandparents with all my heart and I could never give more than what they've given me in my life.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
kYhdgcXbUEUudXxTW44SAYbH6qDE8BN4
|
b671i8
|
{
"description": "not helping my coworkers",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping my coworkers?
|
So hear me out. I (21M) work at 2 vet clinics, both are owned by the same doctor and have the same set of rules and way of doing things. Lets call them Red and Blue.
I’m a veterinary technician/ assistant, basically the equivalent of a nurse. My main duty involves medicating, helping run appointments, and assisting the veterinarian in any way. After I finish my morning duties, mainly medicating and checking charts, I settle down and wake up with a cup of coffee (work starts at 7am). Then we all typically wait until the doctor gets there. Personally its a great job, it’s not too demanding and I get paid very well. If we’re not booked full of appointments/ surgeries, everyone’s day is pretty lax- including the doctor’s.
I used to work at Red as the kennel staff about 3 years ago before my current position. Their main duty is to walk dogs and care for the animals boarding, while also assisting the technicians. Currently, Red’s kennel staff full of teenagers, specifically girls. They do their work in the morning and have no issues, however if they do, they come and ask me. Being a people pleaser and due to my prior experience in their position, I have no issues whatsoever.
Blue is completely different. Their kennel staff is also mostly women, aged 30-40. They’ve been working their several years and I totally respect that.
This is where I gets tricky.
My morning duty is the same at Blue as it is at Red. Medicate, charts, and coffee. Sometimes I finish before the staff or vise versa. But let’s say I finish before them while they’re still finishing their duties. They hate that, they always want help, but not necessarily in need of it. Several times because of this, I overhear them gossiping and talking shit about me. Typically it’s someone telling me. Usually it’s just “He’s lazy”, but like I said- if it’s slow, nobody is doing a damn thing.
So why should I help them? 9/10 times we’re slow and don’t have anyone boarding, and they’re extremely capable of doing the job. If they’ve been there for several years, why do they need help? The teenagers at Red have no problems. Which brings me to my next point, they’re grown adults. Communication between 2 adults should be a no brainer, if they ask I’ll have no issues helping, but since they don’t- I feel like I’m not in the wrong.
tl;dr my coworkers talk shit about me and complain instead of asking for my help
So Reddit AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
9yQE5Vq03jkBGTtR6zGUa3FQbQAj39cg
|
axeaj5
|
{
"description": "asking for a higher starting base salary in a commission based role",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking for a higher starting base salary in a commission based role?
|
So I had a job interview today that was more of an informational interview/ them trying to sell me on the job, because they knew I was unsure about accepting the job, and they wanted someone to convince me to want the job. They have implied that I am their first choice, and the job is mine if I want it (but I have not gotten an offer letter yet). I am graduating college soon, so this will be my first job out of college.
15 minutes in to the interview I bring up salary. FYI, this job has a base salary with the opportunity for commission. I was not happy with the starting base salary that I had been told by someone else earlier in the interview process, so I gave my reasons for wanting a higher starting salary: I had an internship last summer and have been working part time ever since so I have experience in an applicable field, the salary is below the average of graduates of my college (the salary I asked for was still lower than the average of graduates of my college, so nothing excessive), my prospective teammates think I would be a great addition to the team.
He is not happy that I brought up wanting more money. He says that it doesn't matter what college I went to, calls me entitled, says all associates start at the same salary and you earn commission based on what you deserve, and I haven't done my research for the job. He says he was put off by me asking for a higher salary. The rest of the conversation went well, but I was torn up about this incident.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
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