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{
"description": "wedding drama - MIL insisting on a get together the night before even though it's totally inconvenient for everyone else",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA Wedding drama - MIL (70f) insisting on a get together the night before even though it’s totally inconvenient for everyone else
|
First time poster, long time reader.
Just looking for some advice on a soon to be M-I-L.
So I’m (31f) getting married in 2 months to my SO (35m). His family (2 older brothers, mum and dad) run a business together, we all live in very close proximity. They are EXTREMELY close - the opposite of how I grew up so it’s taken some time to get used to everyone being in each other’s business.
Anyway, the issue: His mother (70f) has decided that we should have a family bbq the night before the wedding at their house, so both our families can “break the ice”. They’ve done this for 3 weddings in the past (all pre-kids, my SO was married before and now has a 7year old, both brothers married) so I guess it’s like a tradition thing for her, even though circumstances have changed since then.
This is inconvenient for all of us. It’s really not going to work for my side of the family being that 1 of my brothers + wife + 5yo flys in from New York at 6am that day, and the other brother has a new born + 3yo.
We have to set up the venue the day before, all my bridesmaids will be here and we’re staying in a rental out of town. I’ve organised for my parents to take the kids for the night.
There are 9x kids under 7 years old between both families, so for them to have a huge night the day before the wedding seems like a bad idea. Our kids are involved in the ceremony and we would like them to get a good rest the night before because (as all parents will know) it’s just so much easier when they’re not tired.
When I voiced to my SO’s mother this wouldn’t work for us and could we do it another day or even do a lunch thing, she recoiled and has barely spoken to me for 3 weeks.
My SO has tried talking to her and she won’t budge, she “just wants to put on a dinner for everyone”.
She’s a bit traditional, whereas we are not. SO agrees with me, but being a mummas boy wants her to be happy too.
Am I the ahole for not caving into her wishes?
Am I making a rod for my own back with this incredibly close family?
AITA for thinking the kids need to be rested for the wedding?
How TF do I handle this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "wanting to choose my own birthday plans",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to choose my own birthday plans?
|
So my boyfriend of almost 2yrs tends to be immature and a bit of a control freak. He tends to hijack every free moment I have to do him favors and drive him around and loves to find ways to get me and other people to pay for what he wants, and I'm getting really tired of it.
My birthday is coming up (Im going to be 38 and feel like I'm in my prime honestly) and I've never been able to do what I want or really enjoy my own birthday. When I told my boyfriend I wanted to plan myself a birthday weekend getaway,he told me how stupid and "retarded" that was and that if I lived him I would let him plan it for me. Then he told me he had a huge amazing surprise planned but needed me to save about $400 for the weekend (he's the most financially irresponsible man I've ever met, hence why he gets everyone to pay for everything he does because he blows every dollar he earns on dumb stuff, he's 39 btw).
After a few weeks of him dropping bits of information here and there about the weekend he was "planning", which I know now means he's only thinking about it but not actually planning anything because of how irresponsible he is, I have figured out he's trying to use my birthday weekend as a way to treat his 18yr old daughter who will be visiting that weekend to a nice hotel and getaway. He let it drop that he would be bringing her along to our hotel and getaway weekend.
I've dropped hundreds of dollars on him and his teen daughters to treat them and have fun already and he's never bothered to show appreciation or do the same for my kids, and has never had the money in the 2yrs I've been with him to treat his kids to anything and always puts the bill off on someone else in a manipulative fashion. And I'm sick of it. Mind you, she is visiting for an entire month and he will have plenty of time to spend with her before my birthday
So yesterday I told him I want to go dancing for my birthday (obviously an adult activity) and I want our friends to come along. I dont want to drink or anything, just dance. Salsa or something. I haven't danced in years and it sounds alot more fun for my birthday than spending it being manipulated by him so he can pretend to be treating his daughter to a good time. I told him I wanted him to come dancing with me and enjoy the birthday weekend with me. Fireworks from him of course because now I'm screwing up HIS plans. Now he's giving me the silent treatment. Usually his silent treatments last about a week.
AITA here?
Tldr; bf giving silent treatment because I want to go dancing for my birthday but he wants me to get a hotel so he can bring his 18yr old daughter .
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
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{
"description": "getting angry at my friend for laughing at me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my friend for laughing at me?
|
So for context, I'm in a chat group with my best friend and some other friends, and today they started talking about suicide and stuff like that, so I just left for a while until they stopped with that subject as I didn't feel that comfortable with all of them talking about their reasons to die and all that.
Fast forward a few hours and one of the people from the group (I'll refer to him as he / the male friend) sends me a DM, saying that he was worried about my best friend (I'll refer to her as her or she or the female friend), he says and I quote
"Hey
I'm worried about X (lets call my best friend X)
After everything we talked today she killed herself 2 times"
I was confused as I didn't understand what he meant that X killed themselves twice, so after a while he tells me they were watching an interactive tv show in which she chose to kill herself twice, he seemed worried so naturally I tried to contact my best friend and she didn't answer, about ten minutes later she replied and I was really worried and anxious.
She asked me what happened and I told her what my other friend said, she didn't understand and told me to show her what he said to me so I said my hands were shaking and sent her a screenshot of him mentioning the tv show, she immediately started laughing and said that he said it as a joke, and that I don't have a sense of humor, I got angry because I feel like even if it was a joke, I spent 10 minutes worried that she might do something to hurt herself because of that, and even though she knew it was a joke I didn't , and felt really bad with the fact that she told me I had no sense of humor when I didn't know what was happening.
Then I told her that it wasn't funny it was not a joke, she said it was because I didn't know what happened in the group when I left, and said It was obvious that the message he sent me was a joke (It really wasn't to me) and said that I have a poor sense of sarcasm. I sent her another screenshot about what he said to me to show her that I thought he was being serious, and she said she was laughing her ass off, so I got angry at her again because I don't think she understood how I felt about the situation.
Then she said that we usually joke about suicide (We do actually joke about it between ourselves or in the group chat, and that I shouldn't have taken what my male friend told me seriously because that, but in my opinion the fact that he sen't me a DM telling me he was worried about her doesn't seem even a bit as a joke.
TL;DR a friend sent me a private message telling me that he was worried about my friend commiting suicide, and then my friend told me to relax and laughed at the situation saying it was obviously a joke and that I should have taken it more like one
AITA for not taking what he said as a joke?, AITA for getting mad that she told me I should've know that it was a joke and to relax?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "basically telling a guy that he doesn't look like he lifts",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for basically telling a guy that he doesn't look like he lifts?
|
I was at my local gym the other day, pretty early in the morning usually I go in the afternoon. Decided to go for a bench press PR which for me was 115 kg. Since we don't have a power rack I asked the only guy I saw around if he could spot me, he looked pretty skinny but I figured it would work out and I was pretty confident in doing it anyway.
I managed to pull it off and the guy told me he thought it was an impressive lift and asked me how long I'd been working out for. Told him a bit over a year, started around January last year. Only a year, really? He wanted to know. So to be encouraging I told him "Yeah it's pretty easy to make fast progress when you start out, you'll get there too quickly, just got to work out and eat enough food." To which he replied "I've been lifting for four years though ..."
Made me feel pretty embarrassed but I honestly had thought that he had just started out since he didn't look he did lift at all. I apologized and left since I figured it would be awkward to do my remaining sets with only us two be being around.
I didn't mean any harm but I feel like I made the guy feel bad, am I the asshole for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
szbDxLKkMQaVDfnXpvGjk9eaM27VAaNt
|
atl6gv
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{
"description": "getting to write 3 pages because I got the first word of the spelling bee wrong",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA i got to write 3 pages because i got the first word of the spelling bee wrong
|
Like the post says i have to write 3 pages because i did not try in the spelling bee the reason i was chosen for it was because nobody wanted to do it so i did it i went there go the word wrong and went to go talk to my friends aftwr this i saw one of my teachers furious and thought not much of then when i get to my class i have to write 3 pages definitions and then have to do a test on them later the test is i have to write the words and their definitions exactly and the definitions are like 3 sentances long each so basically a free f
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
af6wh4
|
{
"description": "not mowing my lawn to my neighbours dismay",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for not mowing my lawn to my neighbours dismay?
|
Now at first glance yes I obviously ATA in this case. My yard is strewn with weeds and the grass comes up halfway between my knees and ankles. It’s something I’ve been trying to rectify, attempting to save up for a lawn mower and whippersnipper since before Christmas, and almost coincidently I was going to purchase both a mower and whippersnipper tomorrow and mow the lawn.
Where my question comes into play is this: today I came home to a note in my mailbox which read, “Maybe it’s time to mow your lawn as all surrounding neighbours are tired of the grass growing through fences and your dog is clearly distressed.
Unless you want RSPCA & realestate involves mow your grass.
Pay someone to do it if your too lazy.”
Signed with a smiley face.
RSPCA for anyone outside of Australia is like an animal protection service, so in this case they were threatening me with having my dog taken off of me because I’m endangering him.
Now obviously weeds and grass creeping into my neighbour’s yards is my bad and I’ll hold my hand up and say my bad, but off the bat threatening me and my dog (who is not miserable I’ve no idea where that assumption came from) is a little rude. I would’ve been very appreciative if I’d received a “hey sorry to bother you but your yard is a little out of control, could you please take care of it soon” first before pulling out the “we’ll get you kicked out of your house and your dog taken off of you”.
TL;DR: my grass is a little unkempt, one disgruntled neighbour has threatened me in a first notice that they’ll have my realtor investigate me and have my animal taken off of me
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
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|
b6vwx9
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{
"description": "changing my name despite my parents' objections",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
WIBTA for changing my name despite my parents' objections?
|
WIBTA for changing my name?
My dad was raised by his grandmother, who was apparently a saint. She helped him through the death of his dad and being abandoned by his birth mother, she taught him everything he knows from cooking to fixing a car to (legend has it) playing baseball which he got a scholarship to a great school for, she introduced him to my mom, etc. To say that he worships her is an understatement. We still celebrate her birthday even though she died before my siblings and I were born (nothing creepy, we just go out to a nice dinner or if it's on a weekend we all volunteer together). My mom knew and loved my grandmother too, obviously, and it was actually her idea to name me after her.
This is all really sweet, but my grandmother was named Delilah. And I was born 3 years before the song 'Hey There Delilah' came out. So every day of my life people sing that song to me, or if they're older they ask me where Samson is, or sometimes sing the jingle of a radio show called 'Delilah' that I only know about because so many people sang it to me. I've tried to go by Lilah in the past but it's hard because my parents won't call me that/introduce me that way, and because I'm in school with kids who have always known me and know my name.
I turn 18 this summer and I'm going to college this fall and I really, really want to change my name to a completely unrelated name before I go, just so I can have a fresh start. I have a name picked out that's very plain and doesn't have any songs related to it that I like. I just think it will be nice to pick a new name now when I'm starting adulthood and making connections and stuff, for future career stuff.
I know my dad will be absolutely devastated. He really hated me even trying to go by Lilah. My mom is also really attached to my name too. I brought up changing my name and they said they couldn't tell me 'no' because I'll be legally an adult, but they'd be really hurt and disappointed and it would hurt our relationship.
Anyway, after all that rambling, WIBTA if I change my name anyway? I just really, really hate my name and the constant comments and singing, and I don't want this to follow me around forever.
P.S. There's no compromise, like changing it to her middle name or something. Her middle name was 'Warden' and her last name is our last name. Oh, and her confirmation name was "Dymphna"
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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alc26k
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{
"description": "answering phone calls from my boyfriend in jail",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for answering phone calls from my boyfriend in jail?
|
sorry this is long, it requires a little bit of back story...my best friend/roommate has never cared for my boyfriend. Before he got into trouble, she didn’t care for his personality but she has literally spent 5 minutes total with him a single time 3 years ago (when him and i were just friends and i was living somewhere else) and has refused to spend any more time with him or get to know him. She was rude about him coming to our house last year, which he knew so he never wanted to come over and that made it really hard for us. We’d literally sit in my car outside for hours. I basically chose to not make my living situation shitty by doing things that made her mad so we tried to stay out of the house. My bf was going through court for a DUI (no one got hurt, I know it’s an awful thing, he’s in recovery and sober and getting better) and was suicidal and depressed the entire 6 months leading up to him going to jail. He and his family have both told me that they don’t think he would be here if I wasn’t there for him and trying to keep him out of the hole. What this translated to was me spending a lot of time with him over the 6 months he was going through this case. My roommate worked 6 days a week 8-7:30, we spent every Sunday together and she usually had plans weeks in advance for weeknights, but she gave me a huge lecture the week before he was going in about how awful of a person I was for only spending time with him(not entirely true, i did spend a majority of my time with him though), what was I doing, why was I doing it, she said I “flew too close to the sun” and should have left him when the court case started. I can see where she’s coming from but if there was one thing I always tried to do it was make sure I spent time with her at least twice a week. We’re both busy and it was like she wanted me to wait 3 hours for her to be off work and not make plans myself so i could see her. That conversation was really hard, it made me feel like the biggest piece of shit ever. But fast forward now, my boyfriend has been serving his 6 month jail sentence and he’s about 2 months in. I see him once a week and he hasn’t been able to call me up until this week, so he’s been calling me every day. The problem is, he’s been calling me during dinner time because that’s when the phones are open, plus I work 8-5:30 Mon-Saturday so there aren’t a lot of windows and he knows that. So a couple times this week (3 times) I’ve been eating dinner with my roommate and I’ve excused myself when he calls for the 20 minutes I’m allowed to talk to him and then I come back and hang, but last night he called when i was out to eat with her so i tried to keep the conversation under 10 minutes (which is was), and i had to give him a couple messages from his family, so I came back to the table and she was SO MAD at me. Like barely spoke to me and typed out huge texts to her other friends and boyfriend across the table and said that it’s really annoying that we talk every day now and why can’t I just tell him I need to go because I’m at dinner, and that I see him once a week and we really don’t need to talk every day. I definitely did tell him i was at dinner but he waits from 2pm for his phone slot at 7 to open up so i wanted to make it worth it for him too. I felt like shit because I’m just happy I can talk to him again. My roommate stays in constant contact with her boyfriend via text and he calls her sometimes, plus she sees him at least 2x a week. I’m just frustrated because I don’t want to ignore his calls, which she said “I know that would LITERALLY kill you so don’t ignore his calls, I’m just annoyed because he calls during dinner always, I have a right to be annoyed. Like when he called on Saturday you should have just told him you would see him tomorrow and talk to him then.” I do get what she’s saying. But am I the asshole here? Because she makes me feel like it. I miss him more than anything and this week has been the first time in months that I’ve been able to talk to him every day and I’m grateful. Ugh. I need outside perspective! Thank you in advance for reading this.
TLDR; roommate never liked my boyfriend, now gets annoyed that I answer his calls from jail and I feel like shit
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aizvh1
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{
"description": "splitting from my wife after she changed her mind about having kids",
"pronormative_score": 92,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
WIBTA for splitting from my wife after she changed her mind about having kids?
|
So my wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 4. A year after getting married, we started trying to have a baby and she got pregnant soon after. Unfortunately, she had a miscarriage midway through her 2nd trimester. That time was really hard for her, and I gave her time to grieve and did not pressure her into trying again.About 2 or so months after the miscarriage, she told me that she doesn't want kids anymore. I thought she was still grieving her loss, and didn't push it.
It's been almost 2 and a half year since the miscarriage and she still maintains that she doesn't want kids. I have suggested surrogacy and adoption, thinking she is just afraid of having another miscarriage as she said that's the worst pain she's ever gone through. But she said she doesn't want to do that either.
I have always wanted to be a dad, WIBTA for leaving her since she doesn't want kids anymore?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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a462at
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{
"description": "buying myself a laptop",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for buying myself a laptop?
|
Hey all, long time reader first time poster etc. etc. so sorry if my formatting is an issue.
So to get the proper context for this I'll need to start from august last year, when I was preparing to head off for my first year of university. I was interested in buying myself a laptop for note taking and coursework since at the time all I had was a desktop which would be useless if I needed to get work done out and about. So me and my mum went looking for a new laptop at a popular tech/appliance store. Since I was buying it for myself and didn't have much money at the time my budget was £200-£300 maximum, so all the laptops we were shown were, well sub-par at best...
​
Anyway after searching around, a worker at the store said if we had a low budget but wanted decent performance we should look at an ipad. Long story short we got talked into buying one as we were promised it would be able to do everything I needed just like a windows PC or Mac (that was a lie but we will come back to that shortly). We went to check out and my mum surprised me by offering to buy the ipad for me as a gift for getting into Uni and I accepted greatfully.
​
So fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and I'm struggling with my coursework, since as soon as I got to Uni I realised my ipad couldn't install some very important software for my course, which meant every time I needed to do an assignment I would need to leave bits and do them on a PC at the Uni library which added extra time, work and stress. I was holding off from buying a new device because I didn't want to make the gift my mum bought me seem pointless and I knew she would take it very badly even if I explained the reasoning. Finally though I gave in and fork out the money for a new Windows laptop that can actually do what I need. Now I have to face the fact that when I bring it back over the holidays to work on my assignments, my mum is going to be annoyed that I went and replaced her gift (which I was initially going to buy myself anyway) with a new laptop in just over a year.... so I was hoping to know, am I the asshole and do I deserve the inevitable?
​
TL;DR: Am I the Asshole for replacing a gift ipad from my mum a year later when it turned out it wasn't able to do the work I needed?
​
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "reporting my former manager leading to her being fired",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for reporting my former manager leading to her being fired?
|
Starting this with an explanation of the situation.
I was previously employed as a desk jockey in a company where the department was roughly twenty people of particular demographics and I was the sole member of a polar opposite demographic. I had worked there for about two years with half of my duties being transferred from another person who worked there with one foot out the door and a job title one significant step ahead of my own. I also had taken an extraordinarily nasty account which required at least intermediate familiarity in an uncommon dialect of a foreign language to cover correctly. I had basic familiarity which was more than the rest of the department combined.
My performance was considered somewhere between "good" and "great" through the first year, somewhat notable as I was being judged on a scale used for 5-10 year veterans. I wasn't some infallible rock star at the job, but I was definitely good enough to keep around and the only person to handle the bilingual account properly in years.
One person who had previously been employed at this company had come by to visit with a few people as she had recently left work at another company in town. She was interested in getting her previous position back, or at least something close to it. Her previous position was on par with the person whose duties I had taken over. My direct manager told her that nothing was available at the moment and she had already trimmed a few positions in the past few years.
As you can imagine, this led to a "That's a nice job you have there, I think my friend will take it" situation. I was assigned a new account, the previous owner refused to assist, I inevitably make an error treating the account similarly to my others, and I was let go on thin pretenses. While nothing was actually said, it seemed rather clear to me that I was the one to go as I did not fit the department demographic while the previous employee did. I had an easy time claiming unemployment, but I didn't have the documentation for any sort of legal action. In the end I just wanted to be done with it.
The AITA part is that I proceeded to anonymously report my former manager to corporate HQ for drug abuse. The company was excessively harsh on any potential drug use. I happened to overhear the day before my termination that my manager had obtained a few prescription pain pills from a friend after spraining her ankle rather than take half a day off for a doctor's visit, thanks to the fact that said manager had two voices, loud and super loud. I don't particularly care about that kind of thing and saw the company drug policy as being absolutely Draconian, but I also wanted revenge. She thought she was safe as we had been through our "random" drug testing only a few weeks prior. Due to violating drug policy, she was terminated immediately with cause.
There are also a few complicating factors.
According to her social media, previous manager had swiftly risen in the ranks in another company before a sudden "departure" and taken a new job at the previously mentioned corporation at a much lower position at what was likely a quarter of previous pay, although she had risen to something not far from her first position by the time I worked for her. After she had joined the second company, she had a child who happened to be special needs and very expensive to care for, pushing her to become a bit of a workaholic.
Previous manager also made a few vague, plausibly deniable comments to me regarding some physical attributes of mine being desirable. I acted oblivious and nothing came of it, although she did continue the comments on occasion.
TL;DR version- Former manager terminated my job to give it to a former co-worker/friend of hers, I got her fired for her minor transgressions, this may have seriously screwed up her life and family life, but she also was a creep. Was I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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"description": "calling out my roommate's fiancée on her manipulation and selfishness in-front of a crowd",
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|
AITA for calling out my roommate’s fiancée on her manipulation and selfishness in-front of a crowd?
|
Long story but this is a couple months worth of build up so I got to vent
So for some context I live in a house with some great people, among them is my roommate. His fiancée however is a complete nightmare, she’s passive aggressive and plays the victim on issues where there shouldn’t even be a victim.
I’ve been very patient with her because I really enjoy my roommates company regardless.
An example of this behaviour is one day a few of us were talking in the kitchen (keep in mind it’s around lunchtime) then she comes in from the living room
Fiancée: maybe I should just do yoga in my room since it’s quiet but could you guys keep it down?
Me: yeah for sure, but I agree if you want complete silence the bedroom is always the best option.
F: (while walking away, in a sad ‘whoa is me’ voice) well I guess I just won’t do yoga in the living room ever again
She began to say how I wasn’t letting her do the yoga she needs and that I need to respect her use of the common area (keep in mind the kitchen is widely considered a common area as well) I backed off this time and let it slide.
Well a couple nights ago it all went to shit when my roommate and I were going to the movies. We were getting in the car and low and behold she comes out the door and gets in the car to join us, to my surprise. We drive to the movie theatre and we all get out and start walking together to the movie. After a minute I look behind me to see that the fiancée has vanished. I ask my roommate what the deal is.
Roommate: oh she thinks we’re walking to fast so she’s walking extra slow to make us feel bad
I was shocked he said this so calmly, as if it happens all the time. We get to the movie lineup and start waiting, after a minute or two I see her walking towards us and I can’t describe how dramatically slow she was walking. She finally shows up and says she wants the car keys and that’s she’s going. When asked why she said in front of all these people
F: Well you guys ditched me and left me behind and I feel sad now
My roommate and I both agree that she purposely walked slower so she could be mad at us, to which she said how we don’t care about her. She then turns and almost yells at me
F: What are you embarrassed by me?!?!
I replied that yes, I was highly embarrassed and that this wasn’t the time nor place to cause such a scene over nothing. I then tell her that her guilt trip tactics and manipulation don’t work on me and not to talk to me until I say. She eventually left and joined later. I walked home instead of getting in the car and we haven’t talked since.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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CSpcSOZdvTsm10qoHgFp8nva2bu67WbL
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an67ja
| null |
AITA? Story of my ex and I's history
|
Alright, hey. I'm Blake and this is my first time around on this sub. I'm actually loving it so far, and I figured all of you would be the fairest about whether or not I overreacted or went out of my way to be a dick.
SO. Long story, there will be a TL;DR at the end, so you may skip this detailed story if desired.
( intro )\*
In the summer of 2018, I thought I was transgender. I had belonged to a support group that my hospital's trans clinic connected me to, and they announced a camp for transgender children. I applied and was able to get in even though it was super expensive. Anyways, I knew pretty much three people there, so I really tried to branch out and kind of succeeded. There are probably four or five main people in this story; we'll call them Sam (15), JC (14), B (12), Cameron (15), and Jayden (15). So. The first two people I really began to get close with on the first day were B and JC. I had known B before the camp took place, so we were good; I met JC because he's such an outgoing person.
( camp shit )\*
By the end of the day, I pretty much had a sort of 'group', involving everyone listed above. Anyways, I found out that I was in the same cabin as Sam so we had a pretty great time together. We were playing stupid games like Never Have I Ever and Truth or Dare within the cabin with the other kids, and immediately Sam was singling me out. He kept hinting at things like he thought I was cute and making slightly sexual jokes. It made me pretty happy, so I went along with it. Flash forward a few days: Things are great. JC and Sam are HELLA close, so Sam talks to him about everything. Every once in a while, Sam'll call JC over to talk about something and they won't let me listen in -- this is because he was always talking about me. Then, I find out that Cameron also has a crush on me. He gets pretty embarrassed and pissed at me for not reciprocating and sticking with Sam instead. We get the silent treatment, but after a while, we are friends again and everyone's back to normal. Sam and I are super fucking close by now, and we're literally always together. We eat together, we walk places together, literally everything. There was a night where I spent about four hours sobbing about different shit, and the entire time, he was hugging me and making sure I was okay; another time, we ended up sitting outside with a bunch of other kids and were talking and laughing, and he was making the stupidest jokes about sexual shit including me. I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do much at all except laugh and pretend I was a bit embarrassed but not as uncomfortable as I was. We also came up with this thing as an excuse to hold hands called the 'tranny train.' We would all hold hands with someone, but it was really just a cover-up so that Sam and I could. The second to last day of camp. It's a Friday, and there's a lot of tension floating around. Sam and I are practically dating, as are B and Jayden. We all hold hands, do everything together, and are generally super close. It's around dinnertime, and Sam had bought me some souvenir type stuff the day before. We got pillowcases people could sign, and Sam ended up writing this inside of mine: "Roses are red, trees are green. If I asked you out, would you date me?" That was his whole way of asking me out. I ended up saying yes, and we were hella close for the last day.
​
( where shit went downhill )\*
A couple of days after camp ended and everyone went home, everyone came over to my house to hang out; everyone being JC, Cameron, Sam, Jayden, and B. We had literally one of the most fun nights of my life to this day, and I also ended up having my first kiss. It was super fucking fun, and I couldn't wait to see everyone again. This was around the 6th of August 2018, but shit went down on the 14th. Sam ended up telling me he wanted to break up to improve our friendship. This was literally cool with me, but you know how breakups are. We spent the next week talking how we usually did; FaceTiming until 6am, him making way too many sexual jokes, and me being overly gushy and appreciative. Then, we started dropping off a bit. B invited us over to hang out; that was one of the most painful days pretty much ever. He was obviously uncomfortable with me having feelings for him, yet he still treated me like I was his best friend ever. We didn't text as much as we used to, so I asked him about it and our relationship. He told me a bunch of shit, but the summary of it is this: "Look, Blake. I don't have feelings for anyone or anything, I wouldn't necessarily say that it's just you." We still called every night, but the conversations were suddenly different. He was talking to three different girls and occasionally talked about them to me. I never said much because I felt like shit and didn't want to make it worse; then I ended up in the hospital. I was depressed as fuck and as suicidal as ever, so I was taken inpatient for about a week. Before I left, I texted Sam to say bye. I came back to nothing from him. No calls or texts.
​
( where i started being petty )
I was pissed as hell that he never texted me back or even wanted to make sure I was okay. I couldn't fight with him because of how much I still liked him, so I ended up posting this on my private spam that he followed:
"so they asked me out, broke up w me to build a better friendship, told me a week later that they didn't have 'feelings for anyone or anything', led me on, made jokes about fucking me and having feelings for me, HELLA LED ME ON, cut me off when i went inpatient, told me not to call them because they could 'blow up on me', used the excuse 'i have a lot going on' countless times, ignored my texts + calls, hasn't talked to me since before i went inpatient, and is going after + apparently falling for some other girl'. i captioned this 'i hope you fucking see this. i'm tired of your bullshit.' he commented 'lol, whoopsie' and 'when you're ready to stop being shady and acting like a 7-year-old we can talk'. i replied to him telling him that i have tried to talk to him, but have been shut down. he replies with 'here's the thing, i was never gay, we lasted for a week and a half. it couldn't have gotten that serious. have a conversation with me instead of talking big shit'. i told him 'if it was never serious why did you say so much shit? you can look back through our texts and tell me it wasn't serious but you know how i am and you know about my past relationships. so i call bullshit'. he ended up blocking me in the end.
​
( small things I did in between the last petty episode and the most recent one )
\- I had his old Nike hat, so I gave that to one of my friends and never gave it back to him
\- I wrote several letters to him that were never sent
\- I broke the camp necklace that he had left with me
\- I posted about him A LOT
\- I followed two of the girls he was talking to and proceeded to talk to them casually
\- I got Cameron to DM him for me just to be petty
​
( not petty crap, but this is how i took the whole thing )\*
\- I pretty much cried every night for a month
\- I couldn't hear his name without getting insanely mad and depressed
\- Talking about him made me suicidal beyond belief
\- I was sent back to the hospital twice because of him
\- I forced myself to pretend to be okay with it for the sake of losing face
\- I dedicated a rant post to him on my spam
\- I kept every picture I had from camp
\- He was and kind of still is one of the main things that holds me back from being really happy
\- I have not stopped thinking about him; this is completely serious when I say that I have not gone a day without thinking about him
\- I wrote whole ass poems about how depressed he made me
\- I overdosed twice mainly caused by thinking about him
​
( the most recent petty thing i did )
So, remember B? This is where he comes in a lot more frequently. Anyways, I was following Sam's girlfriend (Ruby), and I had ended up commenting on one of her posts. Yes, I did it to be shitty, and yes, I did it to piss him off. However, B was still incredibly close with Sam, so I had actually traded him account passwords. He got to use my main account, I got to use his spam. I went through his DMs with Sam, and saw shit about Ruby and what Sam was up to currently. I got pretty annoyed, so I ended up logging out and leaving it at that. But it's not over yet. B and I got in a fight, and he changed his passwords; I didn't think to do this immediately, and B screenshotted DMs between me and another friend and leaked them to the person we were talking about. I got really pissed and just posted general asshole things to my spam. He ended up texting me, and I was as much of a dick as I could be to him. I wish that could be it, but that's not even close to being the shittiest thing that went down. Sam texted me -- about three months after the last time we had talked -- to tell me to back off. He went off about shit like me commenting on his girlfriend's post and unknowingly reposting a picture of one of his friends (this was entirely unintentional -- I thought she was an Instagram model or something). So we had one of the shittiest conversations of all time, and I spent most of it defending myself and cursing him out on the side. He spent it yelling at me, telling me to kill myself, and calling me multiple shitty words. I don't know if I deserved that for purposely being a dick and getting into his personal life, or whether or not he deserved to be an ass to me. I genuinely don't know if I'm being overdramatic.
( tl;dr )
I dated a guy named Sam for about a week and a half. He dumped me so that he could make sure that we weren't just fucking around, and told me he didn't have feelings for me one week later. I went inpatient at a me
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
|
QWpB9NG1lQwoHlEA5Vww8fm0ux2vv6qt
|
b1t3h7
|
{
"description": "trying to get my gf to uber",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for trying to get my GF to uber
|
So me (28m)and my girlfriend (21f) have been together 2 years. I work in a kitchen $12/hr 35 to 45 hours a week. She is a cosmetologist gets 7.25hr 25 hours a week plus tips and commission. This is in Pennsylvania btw. From what I've gathered she makes about half of my pay in a week give or take. I walk to work literally 2 blocks she drives my car. She just sold hers. Inspection repairs were insane and I knew this car wouldn't last long from the start. She generally works between 11pm to 6pm shifts and I dont really know what kind of part time job can work around that. She isnt trying to leave this job btw. 3rd shift or uber in her free time seemed like the only available options. We arnt strapped for cash but we have lots of debt. I also was a cosmetologist for 3 years way before we met so I understand her situation but I delivered pizza and worked 50 hours a week between the two. Idk if I'm just used to working alot or being an asshole. Me asking for a raise also isn't really in my inventory I got a raise twice already in less than a year and I never went to culinary school just do prep salad sandwich fry. I know there are better paying factory jobs for me but I'd have to find something where I can lift repetitively one handed or basically light lifting. I have an inguinal hydrocele that isnt bad enough to be surgically removed and already was drained previously that's another long story. I'm also in the process of going to school in the fall so this isn't really long term hopefully. Opinions about uber are also appreciated.
Tldr my girlfriend makes half as much as me aita for insisting she works a second job
|
HISTORICAL
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|
WRONG
|
RXvmmL8ddqnmIG2rgn42Vz8Dw5KMEfPe
|
akgq4v
|
{
"description": "calling someone fat after they insulted me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for calling someone fat after they insulted me?
|
This person pretty much insulted me for no real reason, and I responded by calling them fat, not out of the blue. It was relevant to what we were talking about.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
IBLiEwAFp3RZ3D6l5WSNZaUBd2aSB4L2
|
an5323
|
{
"description": "withholding someone's money cause they owe me money",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for withholding someone's money cause they owe me money?
|
I let a friend borrow $500 a month ago for an emergency where he needed a last minute flight. I lent it with the hope that he'd pay me back, but knew that it's very likely it would end up being a gift.
Fast forward to yesterday, I was hosting the Super Bowl Squares and was the person collecting the money and distribute the winnings. The payout for the final was $500. Friend that borrowed money from me hit the final jackpot.
I haven't given him the money yet (because I didn't have the cash on hand; everyone else used an online payment except him, and he doesn't accept online payments either). Would I be the asshole if I told him about the $500 he owed me and consider the winnings as repayment?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
teu4Sht2D52AVlKb1T1sypvRVdQRLC8x
|
anqiov
|
{
"description": "stopping giving my friend a ride to school to save my feelings for them",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I stopped giving my friend a ride to school to save my feelings for them?
|
So now that I'm driving, me and my friend agreed that I would take them to school, and to their house after. We agreed on this because we never get to hang out after school or on weekends. I've had a small crush on them, for a while now, and when i confessed last time, they said no. I feel the need to ask again coming up, and I don't want to. I really just wanna be friends now because I know they would say no. WIBTA if I were to stop giving them rides to try and push that feeling away?
TL;DR: If I stopped giving my friend that I have an unwanted crush on a ride to school, WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
5WkcFFJWZs8vSC04ceMbhiEdOLYVUjQ9
|
aseuza
|
{
"description": "getting upset at boyfriend for saying to his ex that he bought his gift hoodie",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting upset at boyfriend for saying to his ex that he bought his gift hoodie?
|
Hello there, first time posting here! Posting from phone so sorry if the format is a little weird.
TL;DR bottom
Now, to elaborate this, I(20F) got my boyfriend (21M) ,who we will call A, for Christmas a Nintendo white hoodie cause I knew how much he liked it and wanted one and he was really really happy with it.
*Side note : he is still friends with his ex, who we will call B. They have the same friend group and sometimes hang out all of them, never just the two of them. At some point in their relationship B wanted to get 2 Nintendo hoodies, you know, to have couple matching clothes and stuff but they never got to. This was quite some time ago , not close to the period when they broke up.
Also, not many people know we are dating (including his ex), just our close friends. We're not hiding from anything but we don't feel that is neccesary to announce everyone that we're dating, or so to say.*
So last time they met he went with his hoodie and she asked him "When did you get the hoodie?" And he said that he GOT it , as in he bought it some time ago. He didn't tell her it was a present because he didn't want her to question him who got him the hoodie.
Now I know all this because he told me he was going out with friends and that she was gonna be there too and he told me he is gonna wear the hoodie I got him.
I told him how upset that made me and he said that he just didn't want any trouble with her or get questioned by her.
I don't know, maybe I am in the wrong, I just got upset cause he said he bought it, he didn't have to say that it's from his new girlfriend, could've just said he got it from a friend or something. I made quite a fuss about it because I searched for it a long time and found it really hard and was so happy when I did cause I knew it would make him happy and he just dismissed it like that, that's what upset me really.
So reddit, AITA for getting upset?
TL;DR Got boyfriend a hoodie, ex asked him where he got that from, he said he bought it and I got upset because it was my gift to him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
BTvfb0sMXN3FQpz1wgQNm7kz2A1SFtJW
|
b32jjv
|
{
"description": "stopping a friend from talking to an ex",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for stopping a friend from talking to an ex?
|
So earlier today, I was talking to my friend, who recently dumped his girlfriend after only a couple days because he found he just wasn't interested in her. This ex is not very relevant to the story. The relevant ex's are ex's 1 and 2.
My friend here seems to have been recently having some sorts of mood swings, where he's now for some reason super horny, especially after now dumping this girl. Today, he told me a plan to try to get back with ex 1 for sex, but not because he likes her again, just to have sex. He SPECIFICALLY SAID he wanted to "manipulate her for sex." I told him that that goes against his own morals, he's told me before to not be in a relationship just for sex. On top of that, manipulation just sounds very bad. He just responds with song lyrics and whatever, like "you only live once."
Fast forward to now, ex 2 messages me telling me that my friend tried to add her again, and asked if she should accept it. Since I assumed it was because he wanted the same out of ex 1 out of ex 2, I told her not to accept it. I then went back to my friend and told him he shouldn't be doing these kinds of things if he's against it himself and is doing all this irrationally.
My friend calls me an asshole and backstabber because he said all he was trying to do was get back in touch and to stay on good terms with ex 2. He said he only saw her profile in his recommended people to follow, so just followed her. However, he's already made it clear before that he hates her. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
5clajLotDiRoUH7R3j9ek1mTVacpI0uG
|
b8urry
|
{
"description": "wanting to get a tattoo even though I still live with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to get a tattoo even though I (25F) still live with my parents (58M/F)?
|
Hey guys so some context is necessary. About a year ago, I decided to finally gain my independence and get my dream tattoo. It never happened due to a stupidly massive argument with my parents. I really want to get this tattoo done as it represents my childhood and is very meaningful. It wasn’t going to be a large tattoo, and I clarified this when I tried vehemently to explain to my parents. They were having none of that.
They accused me of being a failure just because I never went to university and I don’t currently own a car driving license. They keep telling me tattoos are vulgar and hideous, and I feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me. When I tried to explain to them why and where I want it, I was given an ultimatum. Get the tattoo and be homeless with parents who ignore me (so petty) or don’t get the tattoo and make them proud (ugh).
They believe what I do reflects on how the public views them and they are so scared of being viewed as “bad parents”. It’s honestly getting ridiculous at this point.
My question to you redditors, is AITA for wanting to take the plunge and just get the tattoo?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
QirQtfCgsb8Y0rdD31S4UIF3SfB1ko6U
|
al1t4q
|
{
"description": "being mad at my parents for buying expensive things for my brother when to me they said to earn my own money",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being mad at my parents for buying expensive things for my brother when to me they said to earn my own money?
|
Throwaway because my bro knows my real account
A few months ago my headphones broke. I decided to buy another pair but better and more expensive. So I went to my parents and asked them to buy them. I chose a 160$ pair. They refused.
Dad started talking about how when he was my age he already had a part-time job. So I did it the hard way - I went to the local supermarket and what do I see - hiring now. I applied and the next week started working every Saturday and Sunday.
The plan was originally to work only one month but when I saw the Halloween sale on Steam I said to myself: 'Okay imma buy some games and the NEXT month I'm getting them'. And I did. In the middle of December I received my paycheck and later that day I was rocking with a new pair of headphones. Hell yeah. After that I stopped working because school.
Skip forward to last week when my I got fed up with my bro asking me to use the headphones because his ones were shit. I said to him: 'Dude you need to stop asking me and get yourself a new pair as well'. He said he understood and went to do his business.
Yesterday I saw him wearing some Razor headphones and when I asked him how did he get them so quickly he said: 'Dad gave me money for them, why?' And I thought to myself 'Okay maybe they aren't as expensive as mine' then I asked him 'How much were they exactly?'....
200$. Forty dollars more expensive than mine. What the fuck - I thought, for what reason??
No reason. No birthday or big achievement or holiday. Nothing. Here comes the part that gives me anxiety.
He got a C in fucking maths. My parents are the type that REALLY care about grades. When I got a C in chemistry two weeks ago they grounded me for the weekend.
I mean yeah, he is 2 years smaller than me, but still. They bought him new expensive headphones with his grades gone to shit, while to me that said no, get a job.
Tl;dr I asked my parents for headphones, refused told me to get a job. But then they bought my brother a more expensive pair for no reason whatsoever.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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0t98e231YXmZ7cQMbRrcpolWK2GseRxB
|
adap91
|
{
"description": "being upset about my boyfriend's continued relationship with a girl he almost dated",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being upset about my boyfriend’s continued relationship with a girl he almost dated?
|
Backstory:
My boyfriend and I have been good friends since we first met in middle school. The summer after graduating high school, we both admitted we kind of had feelings for each other and started kind of hooking up (ie. we watched Futurama and made out in his basement). Then we left for different colleges, leaving things at “we’ll see what happens over winter break.” That first semester, we continued talking, texting every day and sending each other letters in the mail. I, hopeful that the universe would align in a way where we ended up dating, basically ignored every guy that flirted with me on my campus.
However, he had met another girl at his school - I’ll call her April - who was into him, and he was into her. They became friends, and flirted, and hung out all the time (basically the exact same as my relationship with him), but nothing really happened between them that first semester.
Winter break came, and he and I ended up hanging out again a couple times, picking up where we’d left off. We both decided we wanted to have sex, so we did, and then both left town again.
So now he’s back at school and has to decide between me (the girl who lives across the country) and April (the girl who lives down the hall from him). He basically tells April that he doesn’t want a relationship, and after she gets over being hurt, they start talking again.
Flash forward to the present, two years later:
He’s my boyfriend now (obviously), we did long distance for a year and then both transferred colleges so that we could go to school together. Things are going well. He’s still friends with April; they chat a couple of times a month and I’m uncomfortable with it but suck it up because I don’t want to be controlling. He’ll talk about how cool she is, how I’d like her because she’s “just like you,” etc. Yesterday, she texts him and says that she’s in town and wants to hang out. I proceed to have a breakdown over the idea of having to meet this girl, because I know I’m going to spend the entire time scrutinizing and comparing, trying to figure out what made my boyfriend like her, coming up with a laundry list of reasons why she’s better than me, so on and so forth. I tell my boyfriend that I’d rather not meet her because I know it’s going to make me feel anxious and insecure, and he’s understanding, but also disappointed.
We ended up having a big fight about his relationship to her: from my perspective, it seems like he was keeping both of us at arms length while he decided what he wanted (which is fine by me, it happens), but then never made a full decision - he “picked” me, so to speak, but left the April door open a tiny bit, just in case. And I don’t like that. When I told him this, he told me that I didn’t understand how difficult the decision was, which hurt me even more. Nobody wants to hear what essentially translates to “it wasn’t easy to choose to start dating you.” He further explained it as being a hard choice because it hurt April’s feelings, and she was his only friend, so it made him lonely. It seems to me like there’s something unresolved on her side, judging from the tone of the texts I’ve seen (not snooping!), and it’s keeping him from moving on completely? I don’t know.
But yeah, all in all, I’m not really comfortable with him continuing to be friends with this girl. I trust him, but it’s still hurtful that he wants to have a relationship with the person that, from my perspective, was my replacement for a semester (and almost forever). Am I an asshole for not wanting him to be friends with her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
9aKetmSmnLE211EJcEItUHZfPMbmWSuV
|
ahhlzx
|
{
"description": "laughing at my so during sex",
"pronormative_score": 547,
"contranormative_score": 41
}
|
AITA for laughing at my SO during sex?
|
2 things first:
-She just got a smart watch.
-She is not the most active during sex
So my SO and I were having sex. I'm on top and it's the usual, which is fine. I am always the one to suggest other positions and stuff, otherwise it would just be missionary/done. I've already got her off and I say "hey babe, wanna get on top?"
Her" not really, if that's okay"
Me "okay" (continues in/out)
Suddenly her watch starts vibrating and chiming.
Me "what's up with that?"
Her(without thinking)"oh it just does that when it thinks I've been sedentary too long"
I bust out laughing. Can't stop. She get super grumpy about it. We stop. I don't really care cause I appreciate the comedy. Now her feeling are kinda hurt :/....
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 33,
"OTHER": 474,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 73,
"INFO": 5
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 547,
"WRONG": 41
}
|
RIGHT
|
jVotkxmTktN9dtpO5naEOhLzvLipBsUO
|
9wjgp7
|
{
"description": "staying silent after feeling insulted by a guest in my house",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for staying silent after feeling insulted by a guest in my house?
|
I called a "friend" in the morning to plan a small gathering with our own daughters. She would pick us up at my daughter's school and buy something to go to eat it at my place.
This friend knows where I live and she even knows one of my neighbors, an old lady who dislikes me profoundly and with whom I've had several problems about parking distribution and littering the street with her lawn cuts. Fortunately, this neighbor recently put her house for rent and we have new neighbors with whom I'm respectful and try to avoid any problem similar to those that I had with the house owner.
And here's the problem: we got to my house after buying food and I asked my friend to park her car in a different place than where she intended. I asked her twice, very politely and mentioning the problems I had in the past with the bitch neighbor I mentioned earlier, to park her car in front of my house so I could avoid any possible situation with the tenants. Well, she said she would ask another neighbor (one that had nothing to do with the parking space). I asked her for a third time to not do it and park in front of my house. She minimized my request and parked not only in the tenants' parking space, but also invading the space of a third neighbor.
I kept silent while she walked to my house and before entering my home I asked her politely to move her car. She said she had asked the third neighbor about using that parking space and the neighbor said that he'd call me if they were using the space or needed her to move the car. I asked her if she was not moving her car and she said: NO. That was my fifth attempt and I was about to explode, so I decided to do the opposite, I kept completely silent.
We sat down and ate but I kept the conversation to an absolute minimum. Only thanked and asked for food and that was it. She noticed my glacial silence and tried to speak only with the kids but when she tried to share an anecdote and she asked me something, I said nothing. Apparently she understood and hurried up their meal, put their plates in the sink and left saying a brief goodbye.
After they left, I apologized to my daughter because she wanted to play with this friend's daughter, but I explained her that this is not the first time she has dissed me and my house rules. She answered that she also dislikes some of her attitudes toward her friend and her. I asked her to try to keep things separate and don't let my own struggles contaminate her relations and friendships.
Now, I'm at my home, wondering if this issue of someone disrespecting my house rules is too much and I was the asshole in this situation. What's your opinion?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
NXUlRFsOOVLaRcBO4nLtDOqRlmlD7MVw
|
b7zs6d
|
{
"description": "telling my best friend everything he touches becomes worse",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for telling my best friend everything he touches becomes worse?
|
So I’ve had feelings for this girl for about 5 years now, and he knows I’m head over heals for her but I’ve made it into the ‘bro-zone’. I’m okay with that and for the most part I’m ‘over her’, but I still don’t feel okay about any of my friends being with her, which is selfish I know.
Last night he was getting pretty cozy with her so I pulled him aside to ask him if anything would happen, and said that if he really wants to
I guess it’s okay because I don’t want to be the reason why him and this girl (my other best friend) aren’t going to have a good time.
He tells me that he would never because our friendship means too much etc... and then 15 minutes later I found out that she sucked his dick.
He never talked to me after, is ignoring me now. Being drunk, I really let him have it over text because this is the second time he’s done something like this (he kissed a girl I was also starting to see)
I don’t know if I’m an asshole for everything I said because I know it’s selfish to try and control that kind of situation when it’s very much not a possibility for me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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|
WRONG
|
bITYc1m1A5IyYTgBJInfmlSkm1kUzoCX
|
b0sgbs
|
{
"description": "cutting someone else's bike lock",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for cutting someone else's bike lock?
|
My bicycle was locked to a public cycle rack for a couple of hours, but when I went to retrieve it I found someone else's bike on top of mine with their cable lock passing through my frame. I'm pretty sure the person didn't do it maliciously, but since I had easy access to some tools I decided to be selfish and cut their cable so that I could cycle home (seriously don't rely on braided cable to secure anything; it takes seconds to cut through one with a hacksaw).
I've never had to do this before, and I can't help thinking about the poor person whose bike I left unlocked who is going to come back to at best find their cable in two pieces, and at worst find their bike has been stolen because I left it unsecured in a public place.
On the one hand they were clearly in the wrong for double-parking in the first place (seriously; it makes it so much harder for the person whose bike is underneath to get out) and locking my bike. It was dark and cold, and I couldn't think of another option that wouldn't cost me lots of time and money on public transport. On the other hand they probably didn't mean to lock my bike, and there's a chance that if I had waited around for only a few more minutes they would have come back and unlocked it. I know if I was in their shoes I would have been furious to find someone had cut my lock and left my bike unsecured.
Am I the asshole in this situation? Should I have handled it differently?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
dj3tVumhldrN0iDCybVdieNttDX3agV2
|
as4i3n
|
{
"description": "taking legal action against my landlord",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking legal action against my landlord?
|
I feel guilty this has already happened to me.
Backstory: Last summer my husband and I were renting a house with a pool. The laws inQuebec state that a landlord can only repossess a dwelling if they intend to live there themselves or a direct family member. In this case our landlord was very rude and I once had to kick him out of our home for yelling at my husband. So that time, I wasn’t afraid to go after what we were legally entitled to. I checked with the housing board and they said it would be reasonable to ask for three months rent compensation.
The landlords sold the house and they negotiated a settlement of 5 months rent. This was not amicable.
Then we found a beautiful home. we were very honest with the new landlord about our situation. He even called our old landlords to verify the story. He understood and he specifically said we wouldn’t have to worry about that here. We said we wanted to stay at least two years.
When we moved in the house was in AWFUL shape. There were mice, holes in the walls in every room, The floors are scratched to death, There was even a hole in the bathroom sink.
We have put hours of work in to this house. We fixed the heating ourselves, repaired a hole in the pool, rebuilt the railings on the back deck, we filled the holes and painted the whole upper floor. We got rid of the mice. We did so much to make this our home.
Two weeks ago he called me in tears. He and his gf had split and he was going to have to take back the house at the end of our lease in June. I was truly heartbroken for him. However,we were only given four months notice. He offered to pay our moving expenses &sent me a notice of repossession which I did not sign. My husband spoke to him and he said that he’s sleeping on the couch at his friend’s house until he can move back in.
I feel bad but my husband keeps insisting that hes not our friend, We had a contract and he has breached it.
Today he called for an update about how soon we can move because his ex wants to throw out his stuff. He’s really putting on the pressure.
as much as I feel for him, I’m currently on on sick leave for stress. I’m not healthy enough to work and I’m certainly not in the right place to pack up an house that we only unpacked last summer.
We’re heartbroken &We can’t afford this at all. My husband wants to offer him the same proposition. three months rent and moving expenses.
Legally speaking, we can stay living in this house until June of 2020.
But I feel like a grade A jerk. He’s got nowhere to live, he’s losing out on his income from us and he’s heartbroken. On the other hand, he promised us we could live here with a legally binding contract. He promised specifically that he wouldn’t kick us out without proper notice.
Please tell me reddit, if I refuse to move without a settlement, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Cm9tF27x7sxeiEBHacaxfb7KpWhj5r0j
|
a266e0
|
{
"description": "getting emotional after my husband said he is too tired to have sex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for getting emotional after my husband said he is too tired to have sex?
|
I'm 34 years old and my husband and I have been trying to start a family for 4 years. I recently had investigative laparoscopic surgery in which they found endometriosis which explains why I haven't been able to get pregnant. This is my first cycle since the operation. We've had sex twice this week and I was hoping we'd have sex again last night or this morning (ovulation predicted for today) but my husband was too tired. I started to cry and got out of bed to have a shower. My husband says I'm being the asshole. What do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
vh9FDn4c4lB9uhEKXXueRIhumuuH8kJ3
|
a8z314
|
{
"description": "answering post and getting into a back and fourth with another redditor",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA I answered post and got into a back and fourth with another redditor.
|
[comment chain in question](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/a8qpmt/would_it_be_bad_to_tell_a_girl_sorry_im_an/eccuz9h)
I answered a post on /r/NoStupidQuestions earlier today and an unexpected argument broke out with another user. I normally try not to engage too much but i felt the need to voice my opinion while i started my morning.
I'm just wondering if i was a dick or not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
ldpj6CCHzlKtTH5GrqR9nXfvm8dqKIP9
|
aikfra
|
{
"description": "making my nephew cry",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for making my nephew (12) cry?
|
Should say, not intentionally. My family talks shit a lot but I’m on the gentler side of shit talking. None of my nephews or nieces really have a mother figure, and I just grew up being that for them. It doesn’t feel right to talk shit back, ya feel?
But anyway, one of my nephews is going through a rebellious phase where he hates his dad, and me. But it’s a bit difficult for me to handle because as much as I try to fill the female role in his life, I’m not his bio mom. I’ve got no obligation to deal with him lashing out, and as a laid back (if grumpy) woman in my early 20s I don’t feel inclined to. Normally if he starts talking shit, I leave it up to his dad to deal with him, and just mentally check out. But he gets real cocky sometimes and I’ll tickle him or something equally childish until he apologizes. (I.e poking, wet willies, just kid shit that annoys tf out of him cause he’s “too mature”)
Now, tonight he happened to be playing fortnite my little brother (18), my other nephew (12), and my little brothers school friend (17). My brother and other nephew were teasing this nephew, while I was zoning out and scrolling though Reddit, when all of a sudden my nephew starts talking shit to me for no damn reason. He compared me to an overweight character who has a romantic relationship with a cat in the abridged version of a certain 90s anime. I got irritated and knew he was just showing off for my brothers friend, so I dragged him onto their mattress in the living room and tickled tf out of him and said “ya coulda just left me out of it!!!”
This is where my little brother and other nephew start teasing and saying “that’s what you get for always talking shit!!!” And all of a sudden my nephews laughing starts turning to crying and he just curls up and cries, presumably out of embarrassment. I didn’t know what to do to handle the situation, so I just got up and told the other two to leave him alone now, but I still feel like a douche.
AITA? I really feel like the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
qi99zHH9t1BRhRAkAHDh1uogLqim4yBA
|
b7xs7b
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my friend's advice",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my friend's advice?
|
Me and Jessie lived in different countries, and we were back in our home state on the same weekend so we decided to arrange a meetup. I always admired how confident Jessie is towards life, and thought of her as a good friend.
So as we were discussing about our lives, I brought up that I felt suffocated and miserable in my current city, and my overall living life has caused me a lot of anxiety and depression.
(Keep in mind that I have talked about this to her before when I was feeling overwhelmed, but it was mostly through text messages. But I understand if she may feel fed up by it.)
I told her that since I am unsure what I really want to do for my life, I've decided to move at the end of the year and figure everything out. Jessie then proceeded to tell me that honestly she thinks I'm too "weak", and I should continue to stay in the city because it has better opportunities. She also said that I'm depressed because I'm not confident in my life choices, and I should look at how happy she is now. Well no shit, that's the exact reason I told you why I'm unhappy.
She then said that it was my fault at the first place for not following my passion like she did. She's in geology, and I'm in finance. I chose finance over arts due to better job security, and she chose hers because it's her passion.
Now, I got really agitated because I feel like she's only seeing things from her perspective. I don't cope with stress too well, and the city I'm currently in is a incredibly stressful city. Her city is known for being a chill and friendly place. When I said I wanted to move to a friendlier place, she said that I'm too emotional about stress (wtf does that even mean???) and again, I should stay in my city to "train myself". She used herself as an example again.
I blew up a little in her face. My environment has caused me severe depression in the past (and I've texted her crying in the past, so she's aware about it) and I feel angry that she would just reduce me to "being weak" just because I wanted a change in scenery and I haven't had the financial privilege to follow my passion in the first place. She was annoyed too, but we agreed to disagreed. Still, AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
IlQHC9Td5J5iBX3PpFJ5GQsQliVrryrX
|
ayvd76
|
{
"description": "being upset at how my husband laid tile",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset at how my husband laid tile?
|
Hey all,
To get right into the issue at hand: my husband and I gutted the house we purchased and he and his dad are laying the tile. Before they started we laid out quite a few to see how they would look. We discussed which way they would run and the design. They have a sort of cloudy pattern that i asked him to pay mind to when hes laying and to not put two identical patterned tiles next to one another.
After the first day of laying I came to the house to find out they laid them the opposite way of how we discussed. They're 12x24", we originally planned for North-South and they changed them to East-West because it saves 30% waste. Frankly, I don't give a fuck about the waste. He and his dad think they look better and less waste was a benefit. Whatever I thought, they're down and there's nothing to be done about it. This was just a few rows into the entryway.
I went over to check out the progress last night and the whole floor is laid. The clouds are non-existent. The darker ends of the tile butt up to the lighter ends and there are two idential tiles next to one another all over the place. I asked him what happened to what we talked about, he told me his dad said there are no clouds in the tile and it won't matter once its laid. What the fuck?
This is the third time during our remodel hes taken his dads word over mine. I told him we should caulk gaps in the cabinets before painting and that we should put headers above the doors instead of plain trim, he said no they're fine. Until his dad came along and said the exact same shit and now its being done.
Beside the fact that he disregarded what I asked, the floors quality-wise are great. The lines are clean, the angle are beautiful. They really did excellent work. But I can't help but see red, and I can't tell if I'm blowing this out of proportion or not. Guests in our home probably won't see the identical tiles next to each other, but I do.
Reddit, am I being an asshole about this?
TL;DR: husband and I discussed how the tile will be laid. Dad-in-law got in his ear and all of it changed.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
ttehtxk1QVFZRIHa5Y421nFn700PGleZ
|
aoy2d9
|
{
"description": "not paying for a pre-purchase inspection",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not paying for a pre-purchase inspection?
|
I am in the market for a used car, and I prefer to buy from a private seller rather than a dealership. I contacted a seller from Craigslist and we chatted a bit about the car. We set a meeting time for the following day. I confirm with him 30 minutes before the meeting that we are still meeting at 1:30, and he says yes. So I show up at 1:30, and he tells me that his cousin has the car, but he is on his way. 40 minutes later his cousin shows up in the car, which is filthy and has his stuff everywhere (pics were of a clean car).
I look around the car, and notice a few dents and scratches that were not mentioned in the ad. Not a deal breaker to me, but it raises some flags. So I get in the car, and the whole thing smells like burnt rubber, and the sellers excuse is that his cousin drove so fast over here that he must have heated up the break pads?! We go for a short test drive, and I tell him I will be in touch.
The next day I texted him and said I would like to move forward with the car under some conditions. The main one being that he will agree to take the car for a pre-purchase inspection at a local shop, and if it comes back with no major issues and I buy the car, I will add the price of the inspection into the price of the car. He agrees and we schedule the appointment.
He then texts me several times about how no one else would ever do that for someone buying a car, and how he was so nice to do it, but don’t expect it next time I buy a car, etc. The mechanic said the inspection would take 2 hours, but it ended up taking 3.5, which sucks but is not in my control. As soon as the inspection is done, I got a copy of the report, and so did the seller. Although he didn’t know I got one. Here’s where the dilemma comes.
I saw an oil leak and supercharger problem that made me decide not to buy the car, but I decided that if he was honest and told me about them, I would pay for the inspection regardless. I asked him to send me the report, and he left out the page with the major problems and told me the shop said the car was almost perfect. I called him out on it and he said he missed those pages by accident, but the mechanic said they were fine. I informed him that I would not be buying the car, and he asked me to pay for the inspection. I declined on the basis that he tried to trick me with the results. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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RIGHT
|
HCyhwTwy9s7tNasvWfALmD7cWwnoKWdE
|
axc58n
|
{
"description": "lying to my mom",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for lying to my mom
|
Heres the story and its a bit long (or at least it looks that way on my computer):
I was a non-believer in god for many years. I stood very firm in my beliefs and would state it clearly when asked.
My mom believes in god and once sat me down and told me flat out she was afraid i was going to stab her because of my "lack of morality". It was only the once, but it never got better. She would ask me why I wouldn't go to church with them on Sunday or Wednesday and when I told her it wan't my thing (trying to be nice) she told me "you've never been to this church, how is it 'not your thing'"? She constantly belittled with my beliefs and implied I was crazy and again lacked morality.
I started dating a wonderful guy who I see spending my life with. He's christian like my mom, and when I opened up to him I was surprised when he took my side and told me that the version of christian I have been exposed to definitely could have been better. It honestly shook me as everyone at my moms church was also like her.
He never tried to push it on me like she did, but when he asked me to go to church with him, I said yes. To be honest, when I first went it was just more time to spend with him and it made him happy to know that my soul was saved and I wasn't going to hell.
Me and him started doing small things together, we would pray at night and before we ate and I would go with him and his family every Sunday to church (we don't go Wednesday because their church is a bit out of town). However, even though I was happy with where I was going I often struggled with it in my head. I had little arguments to myself about what was right and what was true. Even when I decided to myself that god was real, I still didn't want to say what I was as the way I was treated (not by just my mom, shes just the most prominent person in my life) and the way I thought, it's hard to let go.
Finally, after 6 months of mental struggles, I told my boyfriend I was a christian. He was even more happy then when I said I would go to church with him, I thought I heard him cry over the video call. I was on call with him in my kitchen when my mom started talking about the lesson she was teaching at church Wednesday. He messaged me (so she wouldn't know) and told me that I should tell her because she would be so happy.
I don't want to tell her and if she asks me I'm going to respond how I usually did ("I know somethings out there, I just don't know what"). I don't know how to put all the year of mistreatment behind me.
tl;dr my mom ued to bully me about being atheist and now that im christian I don't know if I want to tell her
Am I the asshole for want to lie to her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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NktI6xzffIThcFA9K0iNwGBAY3G2oW8k
|
ai90qf
|
{
"description": "wanting to see her becausei don't feel well",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For wanting to see her becausei don't feel well.
|
For context, she is depressed and in a really bad place, I sweared that i would help her. I confessed my love to her but she told me she didn't had the energy right now and I understand.
Worried about her I proposed to come see her multiple time and every time she told me she wanted to be alone.
Then on a Sunday I felt desperate, I myself had just got out of a depression and could feel it coming back, I asked for help and she told me no and to stop asking, I felt abandoned with no one to talk to.
I know she isn't well and don't want to have to deal with my issues but damn it hurt and I can feel the depression coming back slowly but surely.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "accidentally misgendering a doctor",
"pronormative_score": 10,
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AITA for accidentally misgendering a doctor?
|
AITA? I work at a clinic, I've been there about 8 months. I'm the only dietitian and work exclusively at one of our four sister clinics so I don't know most of the employees including 70% of the doctors. Tonight I attended a work function and there was a pretty decent band playing so a lot of people were dancing. A few of the girls were laughing at a guy across the room who was clearly enjoying the music and awkwardly dancing. I asked them "who is the guy in the red shirt?" Instantly everyone gets real quiet and just stares at me. One girl yells "That's Dr. C! She's a woman!" Now I feel like an asshole and left early because of my embarrassment but seriously, how would I know?!?! She really looked like a guy from where I was sitting, I certainly didn't do it on purpose. Am I an asshole for accidentally misgendering her?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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"description": "telling my wife to stop commiting my spare time",
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WIBTA If I tell my wife to stop commiting my spare time
|
A little bit of background. I've been married for 3 years now, I love my wife and like to consider myself as relaxed/zen kind of guy. I rarely get angry at her and try to please her to the full extent of my abilities.
​
The thing is lately she's been making plans like going to her father's, her mother's, friend's house, going to see houses (we live in a department and are looking to rent a house), etc. That's not a problem by itself (of course) but what bothers me is that she makes the plans and the just let me know about them and expect to arrange my time around it.
It didn't use to bother me as much as it does now. I think since I always say yes adn try to work everything around to help her, she's gotten used to this and started taking my time and my opinion for granted.
​
WIBTA if I tell her to stop doing this and start asking me first? It scares me a bit that if I do it it'll sound like I put myself before us as a couple which is something I'd never do.
​
EXTRA: English is not my mother language so if anyone wants to correct what I wrote they're more than welcome to teach me.
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"description": "sabotaging an old classmate's chances of getting hired at my workplace",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA for sabotaging an old classmate's chances of getting hired at my workplace?
|
I work at a law firm as a law clerk. The career of lawyer is very competitive, and as any recent law grad knows, your first job is not only the hardest to get, but what could make for break your career. Luckily I found a job and I've been here for two months. I hate it here, honestly, the boss is disorganized and awful to his staff, very hard to work with, but I'm getting invaluable experience and working on building up my callousness so I've stayed.
Yesterday I was surprised to see 'Harry' in the conference room. Harry and I graduated form the same law school, in the same class. So, of course, I stopped to say hello. First thing he did upon seeing me was leap up out of his chair for a hug. He pulled me in tight for a solid 3 seconds, aaaawwwwkward. The interviewer, 'Donna,' asked how we knew each other. I said "we went to law school together," at the same time he said "we were friends." I wished him luck and scurried out the door for lunch.
We weren't friends. He was creepy. I am generally nice, as I was to Harry upon our first meeting, but he's the kind of person who latches onto that and thinks it means more than I'm just being polite.
For example, our second semester together he asked what classes I was taking. I told him, thinking it was casual conversation. Then, he proceeded to sign up for all the same classes, sit next to me in every class, and assumed I'd be his partner on projects. That semester was weird. I had to be upfront with him and set boundaries, told him "you have to ask to be my partner" and "I don't want to talk to you during class, just because you're sitting next to me, I want to focus." Harry seemed to get it, and backed off after a few months of me stonewalling him. I never told him my anticipated class schedule again.
Back to yesterday; when I return form lunch Donna intercepts me and asks my personal opinion of Harry. I described him as "annoying." I explained our past. However, I made is VERY clear that I never felt threatened by him, that I just think he's eccentric and socially inept.
Donna's face contorted upon receiving this information, and she told me "Harry didn't apply in response to a job listing, his application came out of the blue, does he know you work here?" I explained that I had just updated my LinkedIn profile last week and made it public information, but hadn't talked to Harry since graduation.
Donna told me that the circumstances seemed suspicious. She said she had offered him a position (the firm is understaffed at the moment) and that he was due to start the next day, but that she would call and rescind if I was uncomfortable.
It's not that I was uncomfortable, it's just I would be super irritated by being in close proximity to this dude on a daily basis. I told her I didn't want to work with Harry. Donna understood and immediately called to cancel Harry.
AITA for ruining Harry's chances at a job in a very competitive field? I'm going to quit as soon as I find something better, anyway. Idk, I don't want to work with Harry but I feel guilty for ruining the first step in his legal career.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "culling my Facebook friends list and deleting old contacts from my phone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for culling my Facebook friends list and deleting old contacts from my phone?
|
Recently, I went through my contacts list in my phone and got rid of a bunch of phone numbers of people who I haven’t spoken to in a long time. These were people who were old coworkers or acquaintances I fell out of touch with, people who I’ve messaged several times in a row with no response, or people who I legit forgot were in there. I did the same thing on Facebook.
One girl in particular messaged me quite upset about this. She called me dramatic for unfriending her and not responding to her text three hours earlier (I was at work). The thing is, I was usually the one to initiate conversations with her and several times I would message her I would get zero response or short answers. So am I the asshole for cutting down my contacts and friends list? I guess I could’ve said something to her when she randomly did text.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "using the mobile order curbside pickup in the rain",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA for using the mobile order curbside pickup in the rain?
|
So as I sit here waiting for my food to be brought to my car in the rain, I sort of feel bad that the fast food worker is going to have to come deliver all my food to me in the rain. The main reason I do the pick up is because my diet requires me to be a bit specific with how things are ordered, and ordering through the app is easier. Also, I do the curbside in hopes that they don’t feel rushed and get the order correct. So, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "getting rid of a long time friend for sexting me after a misunderstanding",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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AITA for getting rid of a long time friend for sexting me after a misunderstanding
|
TL;DR: Long-time friend sexts me inappropriate messages after misunderstanding a text, despite believing I was still with my bf (his close friend), so I tell him I won't be moving in with him anymore. AITA?
Hey guys! Need some genuine guidance for this. I am a female in first year of university, Just finished the first term. A long-time friend from high school (7 years at-least of friendship) happened to move to the same university as me and did something I personally saw as shitty, but rethinking, I might've interpreted things badly.
**Me:**: female, recently broke up from boyfriend (important)
**Him:**: I'll call him Jonathan (fake name) Male, friends for 7 yrs, a nice personality, but focused on sex a lot as he is a virgin.
**Michael**: My ex, recently broke up only weeks ago, friends with Jonathan and Jonathan’s friends.
**So, background info:**
Me and Jonathan had decided after the first term that we'd find a house share together, after some drama with fall outs and miscommunications with our own flatmates. Live in different uni halls but both are about 5 minutes from each other, so we visited each other at our halls a lot. No contracts had been signed yet and I am yet to find another place until the drama is sorted or buried.
Some important information about Jonathan. He's a sweet, kind-natured guy who's the same age as me. Not too bad looking either, slightly overweight. Would do anything you asked of him if you needed it. He has struggled in terms of relationships, so tends to like and ask out almost any girl he has a friendship with (including myself). He’d asked me out a few times in the past and I have politely declined him, telling him I was happy with my friendship with him and my relationship with my boyfriend. He didn’t complain or retort, we simply remained good friends and became closer in university. I had been with my boyfriend for almost 4 1/2 years up until a few weeks ago, and only told a few people. I decided not to tell him this because a.) I’ve been wanting to get back with my bf and wasn’t ready to move on b.) He would most likely try and make a move, as he’s mentioned this before c.) He is good friends with my boyfriend and plays a large part in my ex’s friendship group.
Jonathan had also previously sent nudes and messages to a girl who had a boyfriend, whom Jonathan knew about. She was a bitch, but he refused to give that up and we ended up falling out for a few months because of it.
**The Issue**:We like to use snapchat a lot and honestly, we messaged frequently. He was always quick to reply and we talked placidly about usual things. At one point during the night, whilst I was laid in bed messaging him, he told me a joke (I don’t actually remember what the joke was). I forgot to reply, and so he messaged back, and the conversation went as follows:
Him: “Haha, sorry. I was just trying to make a lighthearted cheeky joke 😊”
Me: “No problem, you can make lighthearted and cheeky jokes don’t be sorry :p”
Him: “Woah woah woah, You’re gonan keep me up all night”
Me: “It’s okay! I’m heading to bed now anyway, night!”
Him: “Heh don’t you dare, I want you in my bed right now 😉 :p”
Me: “Jonathan, wtf?”
Him: “What? (cry-laugh emoji)”
Me: “I’m really sorry if you misinterpreted my message but I do not want those kinds of messages from you”
**He then proceeds** to tell me how he wanted our friendship to progress further and that he thought I was amazing and beautiful and perfect and sexy. I tell him this is so inappropriate because I have told him how much I love my boyfriend (I still do) and how disrespectful it is that he’d do this to his friend Michael and treat me as though I’m just a girl to get with rather than his good friend.
HE THEN BACKTRACKS WITH ALL THE GRACE OF A GARBAGE TRUCK RAMMING INTO THE SIDE OF A HOUSE BY SAYING “Haha (cry-laugh emoji) I wasn’t ACTUALLY doing anything I know you’re with Michael and I wouldn’t do anything like that lol”.
I tell him he’s already done it and he refuses to apologise. I tell him I don’t want to move in with someone who looks at me like meat or an opportunity and blocked him. We haven’t talked since.
Overall, I feel like I had justification to be upset, but I don’t know if I overreacted and looked into what he did with a foggy lens. I’d really appreciate your guy’s thoughts on if I am the asshole in this situation, and what I should do about it, if anything??
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HISTORICAL
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aug377
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AITA for getting angry my grandparents took my toys without permission?
|
Sorry for making this too long but I feel it's important for you to judge this with the full story
For a little backstory, I don't have the best relationship with my family. I grew up living with my mom, my grandparents, my aunts and my uncle, my dad abandoned the family when I was 3 so I only had my mother's side. I got abused by my mom since I was young and my other family members weren't the best of people, because of all this I decided to move out as soon as I turned 18
Now, because of complicated circumstances with my roommate, who was also my girlfriend, I decided to come back to my mom's house for the time being, even though I feel resentment for everyone, specially my mom, my grandparents are generally Nice people to me. I got set up in my old room and I have been living here for the last two months
My aunts moved out while I was gone and one of them now has a nephew who recently turned 2 years old, he has a mild case of autism, it isn't very severe at all but it does make him hard to discipline so for now, they give him whatever he wants (with restrictions) whenever he wants
I keep old toys in my room behind my TV, partially because I haven't gotten around to correctly storing them and because they feel too important to me for just throw them in a box
I was out to watch a movie while my aunt visited with my nephew, my grandmother thought it was a good idea to lend him MY Spiderman toys to play with
I like this toys a lot, when I came home and found my nephew playing with them and bashing them on the floor, I was generally upset. I didn't take them away from him because that would just be rude, so I said my hello's and then waited until he was done playing with them and took them, although visibly irritated back in my room
After my aunt left my grandmother asked me why I took them so angrily, I explained calmly that they were mine and I didn't understand why she took them without my permission, she got clearly irritated by this and said in a condescending tone that I don't even use them, why waste them? At this point I was somewhat angry and I wanted to go to sleep so I just said in a slightly (but maybe too) aggressive tone that she had no right to take them, even if I didn't use them, and I demanded she didn't take anything from me ever again without my permission, and she shouldn't even have entered my room in the first place
AITA for lashing out at my grandmother for taking my toys? I understand it was for my nephew who has development problems, he likes Spiderman and she's right I don't even use them so I know WHY they took them but I just feel it was disrespectful at me. Is my anger justified?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "wrapping clothing items for Christmas without using boxes for them",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for wrapping clothing items for Christmas without using boxes for them?
|
Maybe it's just the way I grew up. For Christmas clothing gifts we would just fold them and wrap them. No big deal. Recently a new in-law of mine has confronted me about how tacky that is. I said sorry and that it's not something my family does. She looked appalled, like I just spat on Christmas. She continued to chide me saying it's tacky and really pushing me to use boxes, all while acting like she was doing me a favor by explaining this to me. I didn't want to make a scene so I just said sorry and backed away.
Is this really a big deal? I don't see why boxes are needed. They get wrapped either way.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "constantly being disappointed in gifts from my husband",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for constantly being disappointed in gifts from my husband?
|
He sucks at gift giving. I know it’s the thought that counts but he isn’t good at it. He is really easy to shop for because whenever he mentions he wants something, I make a note then next gift giving holiday give him what he asked for. He always complains he gets the best gifts and he can’t do the same for me. This year I gave him detailed lists of what I would like. It was things like hire someone to hide the wires behind the tv, a weekend get away for the family, a day trip with just him and I to a local town. Instead I found out he got me a gift certificate for something I will never use. AITA for being upset at this?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being pissed at how my bfs ex handled this situation",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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AITA for being pissed at how my BFs ex handled this situation?
|
All names have been changed.
Background: I’m 32F, my bf is 32M (Harry). We’ve been together for 4 years. He has a son (Ben, 10yo) with an ex wife (Amy, 29). They’ve been separated for about 6 years, but because of lack of money and other situational issues, they’ve only very recently started the divorce process. They don’t get along at ALL, but they obviously try to be civil for Bens sake. However she frequently tells Ben lies about my bf, and about me, and how we don’t want him around and so on. She also has another son (3yo) from another (now ex) boyfriend.
Harry recently came into a bit of money over Christmas and decided to use it to pay for the divorce. He also discovered in the process that because they’ve been separated for over 5 years, he doesn’t need Amy to co-sign the divorce. Tbh I don’t know all the details about divorce because it confuses me but the way I understand it is she just gets a letter to say the divorce is being processed and if she wants to object to it she has X amount of days to do so (I’m in the UK). Their original agreement when they split up was that they’d split the cost of the divorce, but trying to get her to put any money towards it has been a nightmare, she frequently says she has no money but also spends a lot on holidays with her new bf.
When Harry told her he’d started processing the divorce, he said if she could pay her half back that would be great but we didn’t expect her to and it’s fine anyway because we could afford it and he just wants to be divorced (we’re planning on getting engaged later this year as well). Her response to this was to tell Ben that Harry has spent £500 on a divorce and told him all the things Harry could have spent using that money, including things for Ben like video games and stuff like that. We’re not the richest of people, the only reason we could afford to pay the full divorce amount was because my bfs Grandmother passed away and had left him a small amount of money- the rest of it went on debts. When we next saw Ben (we have him on weekends) he was pretty upset that Harry had spent a lot of money on the divorce when he thought it wasn’t necessary. Like I don’t blame him for thinking that, honestly, he’s a kid and he’s probably more interested in the idea that his parents are gonna get back together eventually. A divorce in that context seems unnecessary.
Anyway, IMO telling Ben about the divorce in this way seems pretty cruel? He knew his parents were separated and I feel like it was unnecessary to bring it up to upset him even more.
This was a month ago, and this now brings us onto the reason for my post.
Ben has been staying with us all week because his mum is on holiday in America with her bf. I said to Harry when we found out about this trip that I bet they’d get engaged because they were going over Valentine’s Day, and I think it’s also her bfs birthday this week as well.
I was right, they’re now engaged, and ya know it’s no biggie because she can do whatever, but I’m annoyed because of how big a hard time she gave us over the divorce. So it seems a bit hypocritical of her to get engaged literally a month later.
But the real shitty thing, IMO, is how we found out they’re engaged. Her partner sent Ben a text last night at 4am UK time to tell him. It woke Ben up (I don’t condone him having his phone by his bed at night but that’s another topic). Now, to me, this seems super insensitive. Like this is a pretty big bombshell to drop on a 10 year old who is still sad about his parents splitting up. IMO, Amy should’ve been the one to tell him, it should’ve been in person, and it DEFINITELY shouldn’t have been at 4am. Now he’s awake and feeling pretty shit and Harry is comforting him because he’s really sad. Understandably so, in my opinion.
Am I being too judgemental? I’m obviously not the parent here so don’t want to judge her parenting. We're definitely not perfect either. He probably would be pretty upset about this regardless of how he found out, but this definitely feels like an extra kick in the teeth for him. Like me and Harry have had conversations about how to tell people about getting engaged, and we’ve always agreed that we'd be super sensitive to Bens emotional well-being if we do. It doesn’t feel like Amy and her new bf have really considered his feelings at all, really.
Am I being an asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "not forgiving my dad when everyone else did",
"pronormative_score": 12,
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|
AITA for not forgiving my dad when everyone else did?
|
Because of the 3k words limit, I can't post everything I'd like to so just believe me that my father is genuinely not a good person.
Here's the story that happened last summer. In the middle of August, during a weekend, we got into yet another fight. This one ended up with me trying to escape and him pulling on my hair and bringing me to the ground. The only reason he didn't hit me was because my mom got between us. Right then and there I knew I didn't want anything to do with him anymore.
I was to move out of the house to another town for school two weeks later. My father works in another town during the week so he isn't home until the weekend. When my mom and I were alone that week, I told her I wasn't coming home that weekend. I literally feared for my life at this point. I went to my boyfriend's house for the weekend. (I was now to move out in a week).
By Monday, I decided to stay another day, just to be sure. I got a call from my mom saying that my dad was MAD and that I needed to come home. She came to get me and in the car ride back home told me everything he told her during my little escape. He called her stupid, a whore and all types of other names for allowing this. He talked about her dad, who died when she was four, and said he was lucky to have never met her because she's so stupid.
When we got home, my father scremed at me and insulted my mother in front of me. He wouldn't stop insulting my relationship with my boyfriend. We'd been togheter for only a month. I learned that his entire tantrum was basically because he didn't approve my relationship. (I'm still a minor and he's 6 years older than me. The age of consent is 16 where I live and I was at least that, so nothing illegal). After I argued with him for quite a while, everything settled down and he started crying that he lost his last weekend with his babygirl. I thought it was the end of it.
Boy was I wrong! That night, while I was in my room with my sister, we heard my parents screaming at each other in the kitchen. My father ended up kicking my mom out of the house, followed by my sister who always hated him. I called my boyfriend to get me, wrote my phone number on a board downstairs in case my father would want to talk.
The only time I went back that week was on Saturday, so that my mom could finish moving me and my stuff to my apartment.
The next weekend, when I went back, my mom was back with my father and everyone acted like nothing happened.
I no longer stay in their house and everytime I'm in my hometown, I stay with my boyfriend. When I'm to their house, I act like everything is fine because I don't want to cause a scene. I don't want to have anything to do with him and he is no longer the boss of me.
Am I the asshole for not forgiving my father when everyone else did?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "getting upset that my girlfriend wants to use Plan B after everytime we have sex",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 7
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|
AITA for getting upset that my girlfriend wants to use Plan B after everytime we have sex?
|
I know this sounds bad, but this has bugged me for a while now. I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 3 years and we've had little sexual intercourse, but after every time we do, she wants to get a morning-after pill (I don't know if plan B and morning after are the same). We've probably had sex 4 times and we had a 2 year abstinence period where she wanted to do pretty much nothing (handjobs and oral only). I never pressured her into it and I like to respect her decisions. We recently had sex for the first time in a long time and I thought it went well, the condom didn't break and I didn't touch myself before touching her, but she still thinks something went wrong. She's in Walgreens right now, buying a morning-after pill, but I can't but feel like it isn't needed as we were safe about it. So Reddit, I want to know, AITA for getting frustrated that every time we have sex she wants to buy one of these? They run for about $40 each and I feel it isn't too necessary. Thank you for your answers
|
HISTORICAL
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
YSNIX3ZMKHMj0YjLHT5znrxLSpKGodDv
|
9ucwiy
|
{
"description": "kicking our two kittens out of bed with my gf at night",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for kicking our two kittens out of bed with my gf at night?
|
My girlfriend and I adopted 2 kittens a couple months ago. At night they get hyper sometimes and it keeps me awake, they never fight on her side, is always on top of me. My girlfriend is upset and wants to sleep with them every night.
I try to sleep with them but nearly every night I end up locking them out of our room at 1/2am.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
JaeldZlIENQCPYfKSE39VVNmS3Y2Segd
|
9w7hkz
|
{
"description": "getting upset when people try to thank me for my \"service\"",
"pronormative_score": 144,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA when I get upset when people try to thank me for my "service"
|
To preface, I don't have any service. I went to boot camp for 2 weeks, then got separated for suicidal ideation and was sent home.
With today being veterans day, a couple people said it to me (maybe slightly jokingly?) And I've had a few others thank me in the past. Every time it happens, I feel shitty for it. I'm always like "but I don't have any. I'm not a veteran, I screwed up."
Today I ordered an ice cream at work, and my coworker gave me it for free, which I assume was for the veterans day promotional thing we're doing (1 free ice cream for veterans). I did try to hand him my card, but he just said "okay" and walked away.
For the next 10 minutes or so I sat in my car crying because of getting a free ice cream I didn't earn, while eating said ice cream.
I know you might be thinking this is a joke, because of how dumb it sounds, but I do really feel conflicted. Like I'm getting some sort of stolen valor or something.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 142,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 144,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
6QD1f50tBB2MSEsRQhFEmD29ehkz8I3v
|
ah4t6j
|
{
"description": "asking for context on a message that wasn't meant for me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking for context on a message that wasn't meant for me
|
I've been with my girlfriend for 11 months, we haven't had any real problems in our relationship, ups and downs like most, but the downs rarely happen, and when they do we usually get over them pretty quick. Not sure if it matters much but here's a little backstory: We both kind of had trust issues in the past, as we've both been cheated on, used in the past. and we reassure eachother when we need it. She also says that if I just randomly left her one day she'd be fine, I don't really understand her need for saying that, I understand she's been hurt in the past, so I don't take it personally when she says stuff like that, since I occasionally wonder about her leaving me for someone, so I totally get it, and don't bring it up when she says it, I just try to reassure her I'm not going anywhere. For a little more backstory, we've kind of not been on the best of terms with the last day, she's been a little stressed as of late (lots of work, and going on new meds) but last night she went out for like 40 mins and when she got back I had asked her where she went to, and she said "It doesn't matter" So I said I was just curious, and asked why she got a little defensive about it, I dropped it pretty quickly after she said she didn't get defensive. So moving onto today, we're sending eachother some snapchats and she sends one that wasn't meant for me, it said "I was all up in his guts last night" so initially I was startled and questioned it, I asked her what was that about, and she said "Nothing" Then I said context is kind of important here, since you know the nature of what she said, then she said "It was for a friend" to which I replied, I wasn't asking about who it was for, I was asking about what it meant, and again she said "Nothing" so red flags obviously started going off in my head, so I start asking again, I say how I feel it's pretty important for her to give a little context to it because of what she actually said, this is where she starts getting a bit annoyed with me, or more annoyed even, since she's already annoyed at me since last night. She starts saying how it doesn't matter again, so I say how would you feel if I sent you a snapchat that wasn't meant for you saying that, she said she wouldn't care, which I feel like she would definitely question it too. then she say's that it was a joke meant for one of her friends, and how she told me she'd never hurt me or anything so why would she fuck around with someone? and how it doesnt matter anyway since she thinks I thought she was fucking around with someone. I'm aware of the joke,(there's an old guy who we all know, and they always joke about getting super sexual with him, I've joked about it before too) but since I don't hang around her and her friends much, I'm only aware of the joke and only joked about it once or twice, how was I to know about this though, I feel like the bad guy here for asking for a little context, behind it. She's not talking to me right now, and won't really let me explain my side of things, I feel like I didn't do anything wrong for asking for the backstory, I get her side of things and how she feels like I wouldn't trust her, but given both our past? I feel like I was definitely not in the wrong asking for an explanation.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
I0ZLYpnzSePI3Us6xjKTNPxUKm0420yD
|
b4bpyq
|
{
"description": "brutally rejecting girls at a nightclub in front of my cousins",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for brutally rejecting girls at a nightclub in front of my cousins?
|
So I (21M) come from a South Asian family (Indian) and my older cousin (28F) just turned 28 recently. Her sister is 21F.
Now, given that I come from a South Asian family, its really taboo to talk about sexual things that openly. I think it's normal for most families/sibling type relationships to not talk that openly about sex, but even if it isn't, **it's DEFINITELY taboo in South Asian ones.**
We all know that we're doing that shit at uni/away from home, so yeah.
Anyway my cousin wanted me and my brother (19M) to come to a nightclub with her for her birthday with all of her friends (27/28F) and her sister (21F).
Now I've NEVER been in a situation like this before, to see my cousins at a nightclub. It's something I've always separated from my family, for obvious reasons. When I'm away at uni, I go clubbing and do my thing with my friends, but at my hometown, I don't do that shit.
I'm tall (6''3) and quite muscular as well so when I go to clubs, I do get approached a fair bit sometimes. This is nice, **BUT IN THIS SITUATION** it worked AGAINST me, because I would likely have girls approaching me and trying to dance with me while my two cousins were there.
I thought the reverse would be true. I'd see guys try to approach my cousins as well.
Well, I made sure to drink very little because I didn't want to do anything stupid, and when I got to the club, I didn't see many guys approach my cousins. However, I got approached by one girl at the start of the night who tried talking to me on the dancefloor, and I motioned her with my hands to go away (hand gestured her to fuck off basically).
My cousins saw that. Then later on in the night, another girl approached me and tried to grind up on me, this was awkward as fuck, and I whispered in her ear ''Fuck off'.
I got death stares from that girl and her friend group, and my cousins were weirded out at seeing girls approach me.
I felt like I was on high alert really, with my cousins there. So one more girl approached me later on and tried to talk, and again, I just left and went to the toilet to ditch her.
I was on high alert the whole night, and any time a girl tried to approach me, I shot them down. But I feel it was warranted given the circumstances. Had my cousins not been there, I likely would have pursued it further with these girls because I thought they looked okay. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
rohAoIUhAzlWjdsjSeEJGZh4sQ61SpMI
|
a9p68t
|
{
"description": "never telling some of my friends what I've been up to",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for never telling some of my friends what I've been up to?
|
This only happens with a small select amount of friends but, anytime I say things along the lines of "oh I went drinking with..." or "I went to ____ alone" etc, etc... I am greeted with a guilt-tripping line, "Aw why didn't you invite me?" Or "No one invites me anywhere."
I'm the kind of person who can get along with anyone, so I get very cautious of which personality of friends will clash with another. I've never liked mixing up my friend groups to begin with, especially knowing who would hate who.
It's gotten to the point where I consciously omit names and their genders (using they/them) and my location, to hide what I've been doing and who I'm with. I've stopped talking to people when I'm at an event because people can't seem to understand I can both talk to them and have fun at an event - so in some cases I will only communicate with people when I'm at home doing nothing so that they don't try to guilt-trip me for having fun without them.
Or I just will say that I have done nothing even though I've been to 2 or 3 events in the week.
And sometimes I also just want to be alone too.
These said small select of people aren't bad people and I do hang out with them, but I wish they would stop making me feel like I'm supposed to drag them to every event I'm at - even if there's a person they don't like and visa versa.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MHWJUgYwtCa8Lw6kWcbMzWnZZPDsoRYa
|
axsdn3
|
{
"description": "ignoring my friend over a test",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ignoring my friend over a test?
|
This all sounds like stupid high school drama, cause it is.
Little backstory, I’m in a honors class for math, it’s not crazy b/c a bunch of people in my grade take it as well. I’m usually a sold B- to B+ student in that class and haven’t gotten a test above a 90 all year. While she always got 90s and above.
I was sick of being more or less behind the 8 ball so i got a tutor once a week and it really helped! We had this big test yesterday and i finished it with time left while the rest of the class didn’t and was not confident at all.
Now my anxiety kicked in and i thought “Well you finished so fast cause you messed up x, y, and z.” etc etc. I’m always
So this morning i went up to her (she missed the test due to something else, so she hasn’t taken it yet) and say something along the lines like this “I’m kinda worried about this... i either did well or did really shit” i say jokingly. I might’ve just been fishing for compliments but i needed the morale support. she responded with “Yeah you probably did do shit.” i got pretty offended and was annoyed at her but shook it off, thinking it was just a joke.
Cut to the class before math. I was talking to her again and she mentioned it again, how i am dumb and suck. Now that really pissed me off. I’m not going to hit a woman, obviously. so i just ignored her for the entire class and math. i refused to sit next to her because of that and she had to sit alone. i felt bad b/c i felt like i was being too mean.
I decided to go up to my teacher after class to ask if he graded my test. he said no but he decided to grade it and explain what i did wrong.
Surprisingly i got a 98% on that and felt so happy!! i’ve been happy ever since and still am just because of that.
I decided to call my friend a few hours ago. I didn’t say i was sorry but decided to brag and say i got a 98% on the test. I was thinking she would’ve said good job or sorry or something but just say “Okay” and i hung up, annoyed.
AITA for still being mad and ignoring her still? i honestly plan to ignore her for a while hoping that she says something.
TL;DR my friend called me dumb which got me annoyed. I gloated to her about how i got a good grade on a test and she didn’t say anything back. am i the asshole for still being mad and ignoring her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
FNGfxkQpqCihTgbpUN6bnX9AvIKyP9g1
|
aty5iq
|
{
"description": "taking stay at a friends house for some space away from my fiance",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I take stay at a friends house for some space away from my fiance.
|
I'll try to keep this short.
Since we've been together, I have always been the one to do laundry, do the dishes, clean the house and keep things tidy. Also, I find myself cleaning up after him *a lot*; i.e he will leave dishes, clothes and everything in general where he feels like it and leave them there
That's where I feel irritated because there are obviously places where those things belong, but he's just too lazy(?) to do it. I've tested it before, and it will be like 4 days until he does it himself.
When I ask him to start helping out, he of course is all for it, but he doesn't follow through. He only does it when i ask him to on the spot. I feel like it should be unnecessary to ask to simply help out with household chores.
Lately it has been driving me nuts. Since he had said he would help out and try to be more tidy with HIS belongings, I felt I put faith in him carrying through. But nothing has changed. I stopped doing the dishes to see if he would take it upon himself to do them, he doesn't. He still leaves his things around everywhere that I pick up after him after he leaves for work. I feel spiteful because I think 'how fekkin hard is it to pick up after yourself, I do it all the time'.
I like my space tidy and it seems it doesn't matter to him if dishes sit around for a couple days in our bedroom, dishes are piling up in the sink for over 4 days or the pile of clothes on the floor for a week.
Now he works 10 hour days and i don't currently work due to car issues that will soon be resolved, so i am and have been home most of the time.
I know he going to pull the card that I'm home all day all the time so there should be no reason why I shouldn't do it. But I have been doing this, like I said, since we've been together, when we both had full time jobs and very little down time. He acts like I haven't been doing his laundry and mine, been cleaning the house and doing dishes all myself with little to no help from him. I feel like I shouldn't be asking him to contribute to OUR household. He should take it upon himself.
Normally I would do dishes, laundry, cleaning, but I have resorted to cleaning up after myself only to see what happens. One of the things is like hanging up his jackets and putting away his shoes. TODAY he told me he just didn't see the big deal *when I told him many of times* to please hang up your jackets cuz it doesn't belong on the floor or in the chair.
I feel like a maid, not like a partner in a relationship. I don't know what to do because I don't know to tell him nicely that I think he is lazy and inconsiderate, and I don't want it to end it a screaming match.
Am I overreacting? Am I justified? I feel like an a hole for just wanting help around the house and him to have respect and decency for me and the house.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
zex16vXgHFV3wcIxj3O3zRt1iGgnAIXz
|
9zjqtl
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go on a family trip",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go on a family trip?
|
I lurk, but this is my first post. I apologize if I’ve inadvertently broken any rules. Some background: I (24F) am the only one in my age group in my whole family (immediate and extended). There’s the grownups, and then the preteen/teen kids. So I’m the loner in family settings. I’m also the black sheep of the family, academics and career wise. Also, for context on my family, see post history if you’d like.
Now, my family are South Indian, and we live in the U.S. We don’t really do holidays. Last holiday season/winter break, a couple of relatives along with their families came to stay with us. This was mostly fun, save for me being the only one in my age group. But a little overwhelming in that a couple of the kids (preteen) were a little bit loud and obnoxious (“I wanna do thiiiissss”).
This year, same thing but in my uncles’ state. My family figured why not, let’s road trip it. When asked if I’d go, I said I wasn’t sure, because my parents have this tendency to get stressed when packing, and take it out on me, the morning of road trips. And I’m typically their punching bag. So I alluded to not wanting to put myself in that situation, following at both of them doing exactly what I said they tend to do and blow up at me. So I said I would go, just to keep the peace.
A few days ago, I told my mom how I felt about being the only person my own age out of all these people. Her response: “I’ll hang out with you and we can do whatever you want!” Most of you would find this sweet, but knowing my mom, she has a Jekyll and Hyde personality. She’ll say these things and then call me needy, and belittle me for liking to shop and go to bars. Which is what twenty somethings like to do.
Part of not wanting to go is FOMO. I know most of my friends would have family commitments around christmastime anyway. But for New Years, I’m the type that likes to dress up and go out. AITA if I say, “hey can I come on this trip for this long but be home for New Years because I’d like to do something with friends?”
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3jvFDMieDyNRkU1OwmzyrfmepwBJe9Ld
|
anboj1
|
{
"description": "not giving my classmate $20",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not giving my classmate $20?
|
Today, we had a test during Calculus and I along with this classmate, Mason, were some of the last ones to finish. I turned mine in and started talking to my friend who sat a bit close to Mason but no where directly near, around 5 feet away from him.
​
It's important to know that I used to have a part time job at an ice cream place and we used to collect cash tips during our bi weekly pay which I'd hoard in my backpack whenever I'd have to buy lunch off campus. So my backpack is basically filled with a bunch of loose change. I'm zipping up my backpack and this random guy approaches me and gives me $20 and tells me it was on the ground next to me and I had probably dropped it. I didn't think too much of it and thanked him.
​
Mason sees this altercation but it doesn't occur to him until 2 minutes later. He says, "That's my 10 dollars, can I have it back I have to pay dues." I tell him it's 20 dollars and he doesn't say much except ask for it back because he thinks it is his. It was next to me on the ground, and he didn't even say the correct amount. I left the class with my friend and he continued to text me multiple times, switching his story that his mom gave him the money asking him for change back, to his dad giving him cash and he forgetting it wasn't $10. He also sent me a screenshot of him asking him how much dues were, which doesn't prove anything. I don't really buy his excuse and I'm pretty certain the money fell from my bag.
It sucks that he lost his money, but AITA for not giving him $20 that he claimed was his?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
E0lw5L8HODuGThuz748PpSIMyAyHAaNL
|
a4z9bl
|
{
"description": "thinking you shouldn't have to pay your roommate to borrow their textbook for the semester",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For thinking you shouldn’t have to pay your roommate to borrow their textbook for the semester?
|
This didn’t happen recently but I still don’t know who’s the asshole here.. It was sophomore year, my roommate (RM) from freshman year and I decided to room for the second year. (Side note, everyone we knew were surprised, were polar opposite people but were respectful of each other’s differences, and having each other around seemed to be beneficial for both of us, new experiences, varying viewpoints etc). Anyway we’re buying our books for our second semester and I realized my RM and I had the same class, but on opposite days. He already bought the book used for $40. I asked him if I could borrow it for the semester, and if we both ever needed it to study or do homework he would have priority, and I’d use it when he’s done. He said that’s fine, but asked if I’d pay him half for the book. Personally I wouldn’t charge, and he knew I take good care of all my possessions. But it being his book, I wasn’t going to refuse.
Now there was a second class that we both shared but on opposite days. RM was having trouble finding a used copy (he always tries to be frugal) and I decided to just buy a new copy for $100. He asked if he could borrow it for the semester, like how I’d borrow one of his. I said “oh sure, but that’ll be $50. Or since I owe you $20, it’ll be $30. Or you know, we could just not charge each other for borrowing something if it doesn’t really cause any inconvenience”.
He of course agreed to no longer charge me $20, and I wouldn’t charge him $50. Now obviously this was beneficial to him but I still want to know who’s the asshole. Am I an asshole for wanting to borrow his book without paying him, or is he an asshole for wanting me to split the cost, even though he already bought the book and I’d always let him have the book whenever he needed it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
MFcFxHxT15carpdvRgGaBY1wqyJf1RGX
|
b0c8nf
|
{
"description": "not liking animals",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not liking animals
|
i'm looking for unbiased opinions regardless of your personal feelings, not memey answers from pet lovers please.
i've never been an animal person. the regular pets annoy me to no end, i strongly dislike cat and dog behaviors, I dislike being around them, I don't enjoy places like the aww subreddit and never got on board with the whole "i love good boys" dog trend online. I just don't like them.
but i'm also not the person to talk shit about them in my daily life either, i don't bash pet owners or ruin everyone elses fun by giving my own opinion any time they're happy with pets, im not cruel to animals at all, i just prefer not to be around them
i've said no to dogsitting for friends, i've turned down walks in off leash parks and i prefer not going over to someones house if they have a dog that likes attention. my friends are all animal lovers so I usually just opt out of conversations or photo sharing sessions centered around animals.
Apparently this makes me an asshole in their eyes. in my opinion, i keep my opinion to myself and i'm never like "fuck your pet" or "why do you care about that stuff", it's just a personal thing. but people get actually mad at me over this, so I'm asking to have third parties settle it
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
A0BCo9eexqVyHBLiujeHmXo8limRSIiY
|
azxiqc
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friend?
|
I (16F) have a few close friends and one of them (17M) is the person i've been friends with longest. (also before any comments on this: I like girls, he has a wonderful gf, and we are so close we see each other as siblings so one of us liking the other wouldn't ever happen). We tell each other everything and talk all the time.
Anyway, I sometimes feel really bad, to the point where I don't want to see anyone at all. (also, before the comments: yes I have a therapist I talk to about this). So when I feel bad, I tend to say so to him and my other friends and isolate myself. If they want to talk I text them but in real life I feel so bad and it makes me feel worse to talk.
So when I feel bad I don't want to talk to people, but my friend always wants to know what's wrong and why I'm not talking. I've told him before that I don't like it when he does that and that I have to work through some problems on my own.
However, he constantly tries to get me to tell him and when I don't, he acts super sad, which makes me feel even worse. Again, I've discussed all this with him and he says he'll try but nothing's changed and it's been about a year of me telling him.
I get that he's worried about me, but AITA for getting mad that he wont drop it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
HJG78GAvdFupjDrBvj1rWB6Y6UNCP1yN
|
anazts
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give up personal sentimental objects to grandparents",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Not wanting to give up personal sentimental objects to grandparents?
|
Sorry for the formatting I'm on mobile.
Former lurker (had to make a new account) first time poster.
Apologies for the length, it's a lot on my chest.
My father passed away last year suddenly/borderline expectedly, he had many many many health issues over the years and was declining finally his body had enough. The "problem" is mostly my grandmother, my grandfather is incredibly passive and strongly avoids confrontation unless he deems it absolutely necessary. However my grandmother who I love very very much and am very close to is a bit of a nutter (paranoid, super hypochondriac, very overbearing because she cares) and losing my dad she's taken things super hard to the point of obsessing over his passing and basically ignoring the fact she has a dozen grandkids and 3 living children. She borderline creeps me out as of recent with how she treats me and gives me "this look" like she's searching out my dad in me due to looking very similar, similar quirks, and hobbies/interests. Due to this I've distanced myself and being the golden grandchild that she practically assisted in raising and "her boy's girl", it's bothered her
They've taken the loss hard, as have I, they lost a child and I lost my dad.
My dad and I were/are avid hunters and outdoorsy people, it's one of the areas we massively bonded over. In his passing the only things I received that he was adamant I get were all of his guns, hunting and heirloom. So I received all his guns including the few heirloom ones that have now passed down the generations four fold. These guns were promised to me, being the eldest, before Dad's health with southbound. It has been brought up multiple times that my grandfather wants the heirloom guns back to the point where I've been cornered about it by my grandma and my grandpa has low-key inquired on if I have them. We had dinner together one night and I just knew the guns would be brought up and they did. Grandpa said that if I realllllly wanted them and if my dad wanted/told me to have them I can keep them, grandma didn't like that saying they weren't dad's to give away (????) and I need to give them to Grandpa.
Now in my eyes they're mine I cherish them and take extremely good care of them and recently dropped a lot of money on cleaning them up a bit and fixing a few broken parts. Grandma went as far to guilt trip me saying they need to go to grandpa because they're his (even though he passed them on to my dad with the intent that they're to be passed along). Another part of my issue with giving in is that they won't agree to putting it in grandpa's will that I would get them back after he passes.
It's been stated that the first male grandson would get first dibs on grandpa's guns he still has (old school southern rules) but my cousin has zero interest in guns, outdoors, or even wanting them. He'd just pawn them like everything else he's gotten, he's directly stated such, I asked if he would just give me them and he said no they're worth cash and he'd want the cash. My mom, my sister, my dad's siblings (except my bitch aunt- male cousins mom), and my mom's family say I shouldn't feel bad about not giving them "back", that dad wanted me to have them, grandpa already gave them to dad way back, and it's unfair of them to put me in this position and it's honestly just tearing me up that they're trying to call take backsies. Especially since they've pressured us a lot about getting SO MUCH of my dad's stuff that we ended up giving them, it seems like they just want more and more. Even pushing my mom about Dad's ashes, they want more for other elaborate reasons other than dad's wishes almost leaving my mom, sis, and I with not many at all for what we decide to do. Am I the asshole not giving these heirloom guns my dad willed to me up the ladder to my grandpa leaving me with the likely hood of never having them again especially since they've taken so many other special things that I gave up to keep the peace?
Tl;Dr: Grandma is guilt trip/ pressure me citing my grandpa and to give him heirlooms he passed onto dad who passed them to me, and I don't want to/think I should and have defended my stance as such, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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xQT2B98aQMq2WS2Cc1XjTvy2cu3DbakP
|
alugan
|
{
"description": "wanting to be told when the camera is on",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to be told when the camera is on?
|
I've been nannying for my niece since she was four months old. Now 16 months. It's in an actual job capacity where i get paid and everything.
There was an absolutely bad start I will admit where I didn't know what I was doing and I didn't take the job seriously enough. So they had a nanny cam installed.
I suffer from clinical paranoia and mild psychosis ( i know thats a heavy word but it just means i get easily paranoid ) so i begged them to always tell me once it was put up ( they would periodically take it down or choose to put it up ) because seeing it or finding out i was being watched without my knowledge can trigger a huge paranoia attack and ill feel like there are cameras all over the house.
Well it's been months without it and I thought we were doing good but i recently found it plugged in though it was never turned on and it was hidden away which set me off even more. It's since been moved and even has things blocking its lense but its still plugged in. I haven't brought it up because our living situation is kinda volatile especially with the babys father so.
It's not even a case of me over performing when the camera is on and presenting a false image. I still make mistakes when it's on tbh though small ones here and there. I don't mind it being on too much its just, as i said the lack of honesty.
To clarify non audio nanny cams without the nannys consent are perfectly legal in my state.
Am i the asshole for being upset?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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aln6ud
|
{
"description": "not allowing my grandmother in law to smoke cigarettes inside the house",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not allowing my grandmother in law to smoke cigarettes inside the house
|
Smoking is a pretty normal thing in my SO's family. This means smoking inside is also considered a normal thing to do.
I however don't like the idea of smoking inside the house, because the smell lingers for a while and I'm not the biggest fan of secondhand smoking.
My grandmother in law is however very old and can't walk that good anymore. Furthermore she's beginning tot show signs of what is probably dementia.
I'm conflicted on whether I should allow her to smoke inside the house because of these reasons. So, Am I the asshole for not allowing my grandmother in law to smoke inside the house?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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au6y8d
|
{
"description": "getting a negative staff member fired",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Getting a negative staff member fired
|
Background: I work as a lead bartender at a small restaurant. I have a good rapport with the owner after I took over a bunch of responsibilities when the bar manager left. We currently haven't found a replacement bar manager so the bartender on shift and the chef are the ones in charge.
The owner has been asking me about a server (since I work with this person directly). Usually I stay out of these things, but this server really grinds my gears. I didn't go into detail but I did mention my main frustrations.
We'll refer to him as Jay. I should put that he's been spoken to about the problems and will fix it for like a week and then go back to before.
Jay is disrespectful to anyone with authority. If he disagrees with a decision he will argue and give us attitude. These are small procedural requests we're asking, nothing outside of his responsibilities. There are even instances where he has gone from one lead person to another to try to have a decision overridden because he wasn't happy with it.
He is repeatedly coming in to his shift with food and spending the first 30 or so minutes of his shift eating or picking at it. This irks me especially when the rest of us are working away. And the smoke breaks, my God the smoke breaks. And no one else is a smoker here.
He's rude and snapped at our weekend support person. This one person hosts, takes the delivery/takeout orders, and helps with running food, and bussing. They are also new to the industry, so all in all trying hard, and doing a good job so far.
We've spoken to him about these problems multiple times, but he always has an excuse, always has to be dramatic.
I just try to never get involved in these things. I also hear Jay talk about how money is so tight for him and all this financial stress he is going through. So there is definitely that guilt. And I can't help but feel like a gossip, even though the owner asked me directly.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
alu44j
|
{
"description": "getting my professor in trouble",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting my professor in trouble?
|
So this happened last semester, but I only just found out about the results and I'm sorta feeling like what I did might not have been as good as I thought it was.
In Spring of 2018 I took Pre-calc with a Professor, we'll call him Dr. Smith. Dr. Smith was a very nice person, very friendly and very humorous, but as a professor... he sucked. He let us out early, and all of our homework and exams (including half the final!) were online, which sounds great, except that we didn't cover anything we needed in class, and there would be things on our exams that we had no idea how to solve, The homework was just trial-and-error, do it until you get it right, no matter how many tries it takes or if it makes sense, and after the first exam students would meet up and do them together, and that was the only way to get them right. On top of almost never teaching until the end of class, Dr. Smith often cancelled. By the end of the semester, we were so unprepared for the department final he gave us cheat sheets and spent the last class "reviewing" (he taught us how to do the exact problems but with slightly different numbers.)
Most of us passed with very good grades because we figured out how to get the answers, but we didn't really learn. It became very obvious in Calculus when we were very lost in the review. My new professor, Dr. "Jones" asked me who my old professor was, and didn't we cover trig? I answered honestly, that is was Dr. Smith, and no, we got a reference sheet in the last week, but that was about it. Some other girls from Dr. Smith's class told her the same thing. Well, Dr. Jones was really upset with this I guess and she had me and some other students come to her office before class and write statements about what our class was like. She told us it was totally optional and if we didn't want to we didn't have to, but I did, and I went all out in mine, basically talking about what I detailed here.
Well, it turns out there was a full investigation into Dr. Smith, and he's not allowed to let students out early, or give online assignments anymore. He's also very grumpy now. Apparently lots of students were disappointed too, because they specifically took Dr. Smith because of how he taught (or well, didn't,) and now he can't work like that anymore.
If I didn't say anything to Dr. Jones, or write a huge statement about the class for the department investigation, then he may not have gotten in trouble. And even though I was totally lost and unprepared when Calculus started, I was able to get back on track, so I think I overreacted.''
TL;DR: Didn't like the way a professor taught (or really, didn't), mentioned it to another professor when she asked, he got investigated and got him in trouble.
So reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aeilrt
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{
"description": "asking a stranger to give up his table to me at a cafe",
"pronormative_score": 42,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for asking a stranger to give up his table to me at a cafe?
|
First real post ever because this has been eating at me all day.
For some context, this is lunch rush hour in the CBD (central business district), about 1 PM. It was a casual dining type of cafe that had smashing sandwiches (really just out of this world), so the crowd would get pretty intense.
There’s usually an equal number of people dining in and packing to go, but as I was having lunch with a friend to catch up we needed a table.
Obviously, they’re all taken so we stand about waiting (it’s socially acceptable where I’m from, idk about the US). A table of two guys is done with their food (empty plates, no drink) and they’re chatting pretty intensely.
I think they’re about to be done as there’s no more food so I wait 5 minutes. Then 10. It doesn’t look like they’re about to leave despite the obvious crowd forming waiting for tables.
So I approach them and ask ‘So sorry, excuse me, are you going to be leaving soon?’
One of the guys apologises profusely and gets up to leave, but the other gives the dirtiest disgusted look, glowers and huffs off with his friend. Ok now I feel bad. I guess he was a paying customer and had a right to use the table as he wished. There were no restaurant rules governing this.
AITA? You can be honest :(
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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atx8ky
| null |
AITA or is the new coworker a jerk?
|
I work at a local sandwich shop. I've been working there for almost a year now and I enjoy it. I get along with pretty much everybody in the store. We all respect each other and treat each other pretty much like family. One of our coworkers left the store to finish her degree so we needed an extra person during afternoons to help us out. So, my manager hired a new girl to work for us. This girl, we will call her "Shelly", has never worked for our company before, but has tons of experience in working at other sandwich shops like Subway, for example. So, of course, we hired her.
So, the first week Shelly worked for us, I thought she was cool. She was quiet and nice enough to the customers and other coworkers. She told funny jokes and caught on real quick during the training too. She has worked with us for four weeks now. Ever since her first week after training, she's been a jerk to me. Last week, some coworkers and I were talking about smoking and how dangerous it can be to one's health. "Well, I've been smoking for years now, and nothing's happened to me, so..." said Shelly after overhearing our conversation. To which I replied, "I didn't know you smoked, Shelly. You don't look like someone that smokes cigarettes." She replied in a haughty way "Do you usually stereotype people?" Before I could answer her question, she walked out to take a smoke break. It usually is busy in the sandwich shop during the afternoons and we were a little slammed because someone called off sick so we were down a person. I could tell that Shelly was getting a bit overwhelmed. I tried encouraging her and my other coworkers and make small talk with them while we were knocking out orders and every time I spoke, she seemed to be getting snippy with me. She was snatching things out of my hands and talking to me in a rude manner. A couple of seconds later, she threw something down and walked away from her station, saying that she can't work up where I and another coworker were. She left her station in the middle of lunch rush and told the supervisor she wanted to work in a different area. So my supervisor put her in a different spot and had another coworker step in for the position she abandoned.
Yesterday, we were both backed up with orders and she asked me if I could help her out with her work area. I told her "Sorry I'm busy in my area too, I'll try to help you after I knock out some of these tickets but-" Before I could get another word out, she interrupts me and says " Do you see all these orders I have to do? I just asked you for help, and you won't even stop for a second and help me? You aren't being much of a team player here." She said whatever and that was the end of our conversation. I helped her out after knocking out the rest of my tickets and she reluctantly thanked me but I was still upset. I avoided her the rest of the day and told my supervisor what happened.
TL;*DR Did I say something to my coworker to make her hate me or is she just a jerk?*
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aoj1w9
|
{
"description": "not giving up my train seat to someone with a kid",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not giving up my train seat to someone with a kid?
|
The subway where I live is really hard to find seats in so we consider it a blessing of god to find one.
Earlier today I was on the way to college when someone with a really worked-up kid walked in and sat next to me. the kid was being really pissy and screaming and stuff but she was young and the mother couldn't do much about it. All the other seats in the area were full. Then an old lady sitting near us told me "you should give them your seat \[so the kid can sit and calm down\]" to which I replied "i'm good thanks" and I ended up getting really pissed looks from everyone. was this really such an asshole thing to do?
TLDR: AITA for not wanting to give up my seat to an angry kid on command?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
an9nhr
|
{
"description": "not wanting my grandpa's ashes",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my grandpa's ashes?
|
My Grandfather was by all means an incredible man. He served in WW2 in the Army Air Corps and throughout all of his stories and mottos he always seemed to be a spectacular person that I never got the opportunity to meet. That said...
My only memories of him were as a young child since before he got sent to an old folks home and later died of some pretty criminal neglect (that's for a different story some other time.) He had really severe Alzheimer's when I was a kid. Me and my cousins would always avoid his seat at the dinner table because he was groggy and incoherent as if the poor old man didn't have a soul left in him. It haunted my nightmares, his empty eyes as my mom would push whichever unlucky kid forwards and ask him if he could name us. He never could, so it was always an uncomfortable situation for everyone.
My grandmother wanted my grandfather and her to be buried togeather after she died, but my grandfather expressed an intent that he had to be creamated. (As a mortician himself, I assume he had his reasons). After he was cremated my mom has kept his ashes in a urn ever since and has proudly professed that she will only see them with herself for as long as she should live.
To soothe my grandmother, I expressed to her that when my mom died I would be burying my grandfather alongside of her. My mother took issue to this, saying that she wanted me to keep the urn after her death so that it could always be in my house with my family (and he could still be alive, in this sense). She's very insistent on it.
I'm sure that my grandfather was a great man, but it would feel so weird to me to keep a urn that belonged to someone who I genuinely never knew. The only evidence that I have of me and him in a picture was him smiling at me after my birth. I don't know if me or him would ever have gotten along or if he would've supported my interests.
Hell, I don't even know if "being left with a bisexual grandson and his boyfriend" would've been an afterlife that he would've wanted.
My mom suggests to me that family is more important, but I don't know. It's an unfortunate scenario that my grandfather could never have met us grandkids like he would've wanted, but it feels weird to be responsible for his urn when he's essentially a stranger to me.
Am I The Asshole? Should I hold onto my grandfather's urn?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
2xhqRWNvaVhiDSEacGiJ8DlHhBUkImHd
|
aqdxii
|
{
"description": "not wanting my wife's other child",
"pronormative_score": 352,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
AITA for not wanting my wife's other child
|
On mobile and all that, so sorry about that.
Ok, I'm in this dilemma. When I met my wife 10 years ago, she had a 1 year old. His real dad is a complete dumpster, never wanted to have anything to do with her or her son.
I love them both, and I marry her a year later. Then we have another son, B, who is healthy and amazing. For three years, we're all happy. We were saving for a house, both working, and taking care of our two boys.
Then we hit a rough patch. Money is tight, with daycare and neither of us had gone to college, but we're doing well, established in our respective industries. Then she starts to slip, spending time out of the house more, going out with friends. I'm ok with this, since she didn't have a traditional post high school life since she was pregnant her senior year of high school. But then she goes silent, and we rarely talk. Then on a Tuesday, she announces she's leaving.
She grabbed some stuff and went to live with a dude she met at work, and had been seeing on the sly when I was home with the kids.
Fast forward a few months, and she's back in town, her and her new BF have an apartment, and has more contact with our two sons.
Then she gets pregnant with BF's kid, C.
Fast forward another few years, and they all live with her and BF and I see my two boys on the weekend.
Fast forward until last fall, they both get arrested, and DHS removed all kids, giving me full custody of my two sons, and placing the youngest with her sister. If her sister doesn't take him, he could be placed in foster care.
Now I've spoken to my son's, and they both are kind indifferent to the youngest, C. C was treated like a prince, while A and B were both constantly ragged on by EX and BF.
So the question, am I the asshole for not wanting to take in the youngest? He's not my son, and I've had very little contact with him.
(I've kept this very non descript because I don't want anyone I know to find out I'm reaching out)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Yso73qjFv0dGrZoJUbvTIQFNBPmTLAC8
|
ayuc7i
|
{
"description": "saying I don't want my mom's bf to ride 12 hours to Florida with me and my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for saying I don't want my mom's bf to ride 12 hours to Florida with me and my girlfriend?
|
So I have a trip to Disney coming up soon, we leave on Sunday. My girlfriend and I have been planning this trip for a long time, she has never been to Disney before, and we have never been on a vacation on our own before. Of course we are very excited. Well my mom also happened to be planning to go to Disney few days after we will have arrived.
They are flying down, wheras we will driving about 12 hours there. We agreed months ago to take my sister who is also in college with us because her spring break aligns with ours. As it happens, my mom's boyfriend is terrified of flying, so he had planned to get a ride down with some friends of his instead of getting on the plane with my mom and the kids. It turns out for whatever reason he can no longer ride down with those friends so my mom asked my girlfriend and I if he can ride with us and my sister. I said that I would really rather not take him with us, I don't know him that well and my girlfriend really doesn't know him very well, and we were all pretty excited to have our first road trip as adults without any older people with us. We are fully paying for the trip ourselves, and planned it all out on our own.
Now my mom seems to be mad at me because I said I don't want to take her boyfriend with us. Am I an asshole for not wanting to take my mom's boyfriend on a road trip with us with 2 days notice?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Kte6QWCurSWvm8igF7hW3r2akxig3YWA
|
aqyvm4
| null |
AITA for Valentine’s Plans?
|
Heya, so I recently just got with my girlfriend, she and I have been dating for about 3 weeks now, and yesterday was valentine’s! I was super hyped, I got her a really soft teddy bear that was pretty big, and a nice bouquet of flowers with a cute little heart thingy in the middle. (we are seniors in high school).
I picked her up around 4 and we got some coffee and just chilled in my car for a bit, we didn’t have any plans for now, it was just kind of a like make something enjoyable on the spot, and we did in my car we were just talking and stuff and it honestly was so much fun. She is religious and doesn’t believe in sex or anything before marriage which is totally cool for me, i’ve has a crush on her for a while so I just wanted to be able to be with her and shower her with care and love and stuff haha.
We just kinda sit there for about 2 hours it’s about 6, she wanted to take me out to sushi her treat around 6:30ish, but then she gets on my lap and we kinda just sit there and cuddle and wow I never had felt an emotion like I did during that, we just kinda enjoyed each other’s presence I thought. It was 6:30, and she was like should we start going and I asked if we could stay like this for a bit longer, and she smiled and said yeah, and then before we knew it it was 8.
She had to be back by 9 but she later told me she could ask to come home around 10. At the time I didn’t know this, we obviously didn’t have enough time to get sushi because by the time we got there it was 8:30 and it was absolutely packed with no parking. I just wanted to eat with her and enjoy my valentine’s meal with her, no matter where we went. I said let’s just go get something quick, and we ended up getting chick fil a.
I could tell she was pissed so I immediately realized that I should’ve just toughed it out anyways and go there even if I would get in trouble with her parents because she wanted to take a “pic of me eating at a nice place” but I don’t know why she needed to? I just wanted to spend the day with her and she never said she didn’t wanna do anything we did. I wish she did because she said she was glad I enjoyed the night but never said she did. I wanna fucking die like you could’ve just told me??? but I should’ve realized that was fucking lame of me.
AITA for this??
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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au581f
|
{
"description": "being upset at my boyfriend of a year for not communicating well",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset at my boyfriend of a year for not communicating well?
|
(im on mobile bear with me)
background: boyfriend [17M] and I [17F] have been together for a year. prior to this relationship i was in a different (shorter) relationship where i was cheated on lots before i found the confidence to leave. i’m a timid person and i recognize that i need assurance because of my previous bad experiences.
the story: my boyfriend and i have a great relationship, and we’ve been discussing a lot of post secondary situations that involve us moving in together. however, i often feel like he ignores me on purpose or because he doesn’t consider how it makes me feel. in person we are fine and have no trouble communicating, but when we are separated he barely keeps in touch, going dark for days-hours. this behaviour upsets me as because i am insecure and i recognize that i am insecure and try to talk myself down, but whenever i talk to him about it he says he’ll change and never makes any mention that me calling him out bothers him (and i ask him if he thinks i’m being pushy or self centred and he always says no) but he hasn’t made any attempt to change the way he interacts with me when we’re not face to face. we’ve gotten into a number of pretty big fights now over this, the last one ended with me trying to kick him out of my house before i left the country for a week. am i the asshole here?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "making \"racist\" jokes",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
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AITA for making "racist" jokes?
|
Let me just say that not me or any of my friends are racist. In history class the teacher asked "what would you do if the government took all your money?" And as a joke I said "I'd run away and join the natives to live off the land" and my friends started laughing and the teacher screamed "NO! STOP! I'M SICK OF YOU THREE BEING BLATANTLY RACIST AND THINKING ITS FUNNY! OK!?" and we just looked at each other and tried not to smile because of the absurdity of this. The other times he was talking about were when my friend said "if it's against their religion to eat pig and cow then how'd they kill everyone?" And one time my friend did a fake Japanese accent and said something about the teacher having negative Chi. This teacher is also the kind of guy who will berate students because he knows he's smarter than them. It's not like we're over here using racial slurs and shit. The jokes are definitely "edgy" but we aren't lynching people.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{
"description": "expecting an extra class to be free when the teacher called me to apologize for forgetting to teach important things in previous lessons",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for expecting an extra class to be free when the teacher called me to apologize for forgetting to teach important things in previous lessons?
|
Hi everyone,
My husband and I started taking dance classes about a month ago. The center where we take classes offered a free private trial class. After we took that we signed up for their "new students" course/level which was 4 private classes and a few group classes for about $500. Once we completed that we entered the next level which is "elementary". For this and pretty much all future levels we pay the same $500 and we get 4 private classes and access to all group classes as long as they aren't super high level. There are about 10 classes a week we could attend that aren't too high level. We decided to attend at least five a week to get our money's worth.
We take one private a week and we were set to take our third private this month yesterday. Our teacher called me on Wednesday and immediately apologized. She said she had been focusing too much on certain dances and failed to teach us some important basic footwork. She taught a group class where we got a little lost on the footwork because we hadn't learned it yet, but we just did our best and didn't mind being lost. I told her it's no problem and we expect to be confused sometimes since we're still new. She said she wants to fix this since she should've taught us this already, she asked if we could take an additional private class, making back to back privates on Thursday, in place of our next group class so she can teach us this footwork and we can catch up faster. I said yes, that sounds good and thank you for caring so much about our progress.
When we finished the first private on Thursday and took a quick break, my husband asked if there was a cost for this next private. The teacher said it's part of the package, so we would just need to pay our monthly fee earlier once we use up our four privates. This means we'd lose a week of group classes essentially. The faster we take our four privates the faster we need to pay the $500 again for access to the group classes and to re-up our privates. I think we have to at least take one private a week to get access to all the group classes.
I was surprised and kind of embarrassed, on the phone I was positive she was saying she felt bad and wanted to correct her mistake and I assumed this meant it was free as we pay a monthly fee to the center. We apologized and said we can't pay more than the $500/month, and we'd be happy to take the group class in place of this extra private class since the group classes are included. She said she thought she made this all clear on the phone and this private was scheduled, so she couldn't teach anyone that hour. We went to the group class and she ended up helping teach the group class as she was free that hour. She didn't seem happy for the group class.
I was a teacher myself for most of my 20s and I taught private classes both on my own and through my companies. I taught a handful of these types of privates where something went wrong or the student was unhappy and wanted a bit more class time to learn something. I expected to be paid for my time when I taught for the companies I worked for, but the student was only ever expected to continue paying their normal weekly/monthly tuition. The privates were free when they were offered to fix a mistake or essentially keep a student from changing companies. I thought this was fairly normal in for-profit companies.
I want to know if I should have expected this to be charged considering she first presented it as a mistake on her part she wanted to correct. I know now I should have asked on the phone about money, but at the time I didn't even consider it since we pay monthly for a package. I wasn't going to ask at all, my husband was skeptical though and asked. I was surprised she called at all or felt bad about her teaching so far as we've been happy in her classes. My husband thinks she wasn't that concerned about our progress, but she had available slots and wanted to fill them to make more money and that's why she called. In any case, I want to bake something when we go back to classes next week since our teacher talked about loving cookies. I just want to awkwardness to be gone. I have no idea how her pay works with her company when it comes to teaching privates and classes and down time. I assume she was paid something for helping teach the group class. A few teachers often show up five minutes or so into group classes to help teach the main instructor when they're not teaching private lessons themselves.
​
TL;DR: My teacher called me and apologized for neglecting to teach us some important basic footwork in our private dance classes. She asked to have an additional private class with us to fix her mistake and get us caught up. I thought it was free or included in our monthly fee to the studio, it wasn't. We apologized and canceled the private for our original group class when we found out it was not free just before starting it, she's not happy now. It's awkward.
​
AITA for expecting the class to be free and for choosing the free group class when I learned we'd have to pay the monthly fee again a week early?
​
Thank you!
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|:-|:-|:-|
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​
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "cutting my \"child-free\" kids out of my will",
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WIBTA if I cut my "child-free" kids out of my will?
|
Note: Please my thought process first. This is not an attempt to manipulate them into having kids
​
\---------------------------------------
​
I am in my mid 60's and have 6 kids (all adults, 4 daughters 3 sons).
I grew up in a very poor family and have worked incredibly hard my entire life to provide for my family. Working 50+ hours a week and investing every spare dollar into blue chips. As a result, my entire estate is worth well over $10M.
​
Now, to the topic of my post. Three of my kids are proud "child-free" adults. Not only do they not want kids, they actively celebrate it (I believe there's even a reddit dedicated for it...). Now, if they don't want to experience the joys of being parents, that's for them to decide. I'm not going to coerce them into having kids they don't want.
With that said, I provided all my kids an immensely comfortable childhood, I've put them all through college, I basically gave them the best chance to starting out in life. Now that they're all grown up, I want to help raise the next generation of grandkids and provide for them as much as possible.
​
So the situation is:
​
1. I have three kids who are proud "child-free" and genuinely boast about how much extra money they have
2. I have four kids who have started raising families - intending to have more kids - and will actually need the money.
​
I don't want to leave a large sum of my hard earned money to my kids who will simply spend it all on their "child-free" life. I only want it to go to my kids who are actually raising a family. So I want to cut the three out of my will almost entirely (leaving a small amount to help with their mortgages).
​
I already anticipate they're going to throw a hissyfit, so I'm not sure if I should go through with it.
​
Would I be an "asshole" for doing this?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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"description": "not wanting to stop working and babysit my partners son",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for not wanting to stop working and babysit my partners son?
|
My partner moved into my apartment last year and , and him and his son have already taken over most of my house. (Changing my workshop and my guest room to be a play room and bedroom for his son) i never really cared about them taking over my space. I loved the feeling of a small family. However I do work from home. I make huge resin castings and various other art pieces that take days to cure and harden. Since I don’t have my work room anymore, I do all of this at my kitchen table. It’s a pretty messy and fumey project so I never work on them when my partners 3 year old son is at the house. My main problem, is for the past few weeks I’ve been “babysitting” his son and losing a lot of work time.My partners Ex thinks I don’t work because I’m disabled, and texts me almost daily asking if she can drop off the kid to me while she works her 4 hour shift then runs errands (this usually takes from 7am-7/8pm for some reason). If I don’t reply, she texts my partner and he says yes for me, (without asking). She usually leaves me with a bag of all dirty clothes, since my partner offered we would wash his clothes for some reason a long time ago. I’ve done it with the impression that at least his dad will get to see him and spend some time with him, but she always picks her son up a an hour to half an hour before his dad gets home. I don’t mind watching him on Friday’s (he stays with us every weekend) or on days when he will get to see his dad, but giving up my art and my work so that my partners Ex can just have some free time is bothering me so much. I just feel like my partners Ex thinks she can take advantage of me since I’m disabled but my partner isn’t seeing it. My partner heard my frustration and has been offering to pay me to watch his child, but I want to tell him to just pay an actual babysitter and let me get back to my work.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "ruining the relationship of my fiance with her mum",
"pronormative_score": 12,
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}
|
AITA for ruining the relationship of my fiance with her mum?
|
Throwaway account because some friends are on reddit and might recognize us.
So I have a genetic condition causing a noticable assymetry in my face. When I was younger I used to get very self consious about it and I hated how I look. Since growing up though I realised that my self worth is not only determined by how I look and that I have no reason to be ashamed of something out of my control. I don't feel like my condition influences my relationships with friends and coworkers aside from brief questions when I meet new people.
I have been dating my fiance for 5 years and we plan to get married. Ever since her mother found out that I have a genetic desease she basically hated me and wanted us to break up. She comes from a cultur which puts lots of emphasis on physical appearance. She wanted me to get a consultation about wheter my genetic condition is hereditary and I consented.
I do understand that she wants to know the risk if my fiance and I decide to have children. Lately she has been suggesting me to get a major surgery to reconstruct my face. She even says that she will refuse to come to the wedding if I do not do this. This is something though I categorically refuse. My reasoning for this is the following:
There are risk just as with any major surgery. Also my self image is obviously tied to how I look now. I might not even like how I look even if in the best case my face came of symmetric without complications.
If is my body and I feel extremely violated of her (my fiances mother) to suggest this and even urge me to do this by threatening not coming to our wedding.
I very much doubt her motives. She says it is to improve my self image but if so she should be able to accept if I just do not want to do this. I strongly believe it is only about how her friends and family will think about her. Like how could her daughter marry someonly like me.
My fiance and me have been fighting about this issue a lot. She wants me to at least get a check up for the surgery and I refuse. I don't see the reason why I should get a check up if I do not want to go through with the surgery anyway.
So AITA for refusing to compromise even if my future mother in law will not come to the wedding?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being mildly upset with my so for playing Fortnite",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being mildly upset with my SO for playing Fortnite?
|
My SO (30M) and I (20sF) have two kids, a 4 year old and an 18 month old, with a child on the way. I decided this year, to my SO’s dismay, that we were not going to get a real tree because I do not want to deal with the pine needles and having to water it. I dragged him along with me to pick up a tree, so I did not have to rely on a sales associate to load it for me (being pregnant and all).
My SO takes a break from playing Fortnite on the living room tv for the afternoon after the kids wake up from their naps. We head out to the store, and as soon as we get back he starts playing Fortnite with his online friends. He doesn’t eat dinner with us, and says he’ll eat later. Whatever, I’ll get over it. When we finish and I ask him to set up the tree, he kept his headset on and conversed with his friends.
He became annoyed with me as I fluffed up the branches because I had to stand partially blocking the tree (tree is next to the tv in the corner of the room). When I was ready to decorate, I had to wait until he finished his match as he mad it clear he would be upset if I blocked the tv. After the game ended, he promised his friends he’d be back on later.
I was relieved, and hoped he would participate in decorating, or at the very least be present. The 18 month old, naturally, was making the process difficult, so I had the baby sit with my SO in front of the tree. Rather than even be a participant, my SO sat on his phone and looked at “funny” (to him) memes. I was thoroughly annoyed at this point. The only time he looked up from his phone was to scold the 4 year old for eagerly helping himself to putting ornaments up.
After I finished the tree, he put the kids to bed and went out to his “man cave” to continue Fortnite. Am I the asshole and should let this go, or is my SO inconsiderate?
I’d like to add that he isn’t necessarily a bad guy or a bad father, he’s just clueless and doesn’t understand little sentimental activities, I guess.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not paying for my friends D&B card on her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA for not paying for my friends D&B card on her birthday?
|
Clarification:
We're teens, not adults. Her dad invited me to the party and payed for both our cards the first time around.
​
So my friend invited to her birthday party at Dave and Busters, and I brought my wallet so I could recharge my card (I run out of credits fast).
After playing some games for a while, my credits were gone, so I went up to the counter to buy more. My friend followed me. She had a low credit balance as well, and her parents weren't paying for more, (hence why I brought my wallet). When it was my turn I got out my money, handed the card and the money to the worker, and while I was doing that my friend asked:
"Aren't you going to split the credits with me?"
(I had enough money to buy both her and me a refill on credits, but I wanted more than I could have gotten with buying both of us credits).
I said no, as she could have brought her wallet as well.
She stormed off from the counter. I got my (recharged) card back from the cashier, and I tried to follow her. I finally found her at a game.
"Hey, Maddie-" (Changed name)
"No. I don't want to talk to you right now."
Later, when we ate cake she seemed fine, but she never apologized, and neither did I.
​
I feel like since it was her birthday, maybe I should have been nicer, but it also was my money.
​
So, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "letting an alcoholic friend make her own choices at a party",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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|
AITA for letting an alcoholic friend make her own choices at a party?
|
To preface, this girl (22f) and I (22f) were friends for awhile a few years ago. She got engaged while we were still friends, and was on a good path. We had a falling out, and awhile after, she was dumped and started to spiral. To my knowledge, she was getting drunk every night, etc. but TBH I don’t know the extent or the story. I do know she entered an outpatient program for awhile.
However, we connected again over Snapchat a few months ago and I saw she had started drinking again. I told her to be safe/careful and we started to chat a little. I still don’t know the story behind all of it, but I know she gets a little wild when she drinks if she’s out.
Last night, my bf had some friends (around 8 of us total) over to drink and hang out. We drink MAYBE twice a month. It’s not a big part of our lives. One person there wasn’t drinking, and some were drinking pretty little - so it wasn’t as if this was anything too crazy. I decided to invite the aforementioned friend, as I hadn’t seen her in awhile and we’d been talking about getting together. She brought her new boyfriend and things started slow. I saw that she had brought alcohol and was drinking, but I didn’t feel it was my place to say something when I don’t know the full story of where she’s at, etc.
As the night when on, she teetered on the line of out of control. She kept saying “this is what happens when you invite an alcoholic to the party”, and I didn’t think much of it at the time. She’d sit down and have normal conversations with little spurts of wild and crazy.
This morning, I woke up and I feel like a horrible person. I feel like I enabled her, and that makes me a fucking awful human being. But at the same time, I felt it wasn’t my place - since we just reconnected - to step in. So, do your worst: AITA?
TLDR; I let an alcoholic newly reconnected friend make her own choices, I feel like an assbag.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "yelling to my aunt and grandma because they forced me to cut my hair",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA For yelling to my aunt and grandma because they forced me to cut my hair.
|
Ok I HAD normal-long hair and If I never wanted to cut them I would go by myself to the barber, but my grandma didn’t like them so she told to my Aunt to ask me if I wanted to cut my hair, I said no so she renounced. The next day my Aunt and Grandma asked me if I will never cut my hair I said yes but I’ll go by myself because everytime I went with you, I couldnt choose which hairstyle I wanted (es I Want this long hair behind and they always say shorter). After dinner they asked If I wanted go to shopping with my Aunt I said yes why not... she took me at the barber. Now I’m almost bold. I always suffered social anxiety so. I couldn’t start to yelling in public “HELL NO I DONT WANNA CUT MY HAIR”. After we came home I started to yell them about why they lied to me just for fucking hairs and stop forcing me to cut my hair. They started to yell against me calling me childish and told me the old hairstyle was ugly and you were looking like a thief.
Sorry for bad England 🏴
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "leaving school",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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|
AITA For leaving school
|
So emm I 15m this happened earlier and its messing with my head
So I was in class(french oui oui) and somebody was messing or doing something honestly I dont know what happened I didnt think anything did but the teacher absolutely flipped. Complete mad FUMING anyway I start to laugh because for some reason getting really annoyed over what I was aware was nothing was really funny. Well she went for me called me a utter disgrace and said I disgust her. She then tells me to leave her room.
So I took my stuff left and went home.(Apparently after I left she got worse and was calling everyone wasters. And things I wasnt there cant confirm).
But this is the part that unsettles me I suffer from depression and (the bot wont let me say thing here) (im getting help I guess) and the school and all the teachers know
I left and walked down the stairs out the door I seriously expected her to send someone to make sure I didnt leave but no and no one came to me other teachers when I came back in a few classes later so she clearly didnt tell anyone.
I cant help put feel im an asshole for getting up and leaving but I was FUMING after been called a disgrace and well while I was feeling not too bad anger and adrenaline still feels better so I let it go if I didnt leave I probably would have done damage to someone or something.
I still feel sick in my stomach because I feel like an asshole but also if I wasnt feeling as well I could have been dead then.
Sorry for horrible formatting and lack of any sense im not well rn and on mobile ill try clarify in the comments if needed
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to pay rent for the 1 month she will live with me",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For asking my girlfriend to pay rent for the 1 month she will live with me?
|
So my girlfriend and I are both juniors in college. this summer I am planning to spend 2 months away 3 hours from home taking classes so that I can get my pre-med classes out of the way. I plan to take 8 credits at a time, and work part-time to help sustain myself.
When I told my girlfriend (of 4 years) of this plan, and the dates I'd be doing it, she offered to come spend 1 out of the 2 months with me (not both months because she has an internship starting back home, as well as a family vacation). She would transfer her job to the nearby store (they wouldn't have a problem with it), and agreed that she would pay half the rent for that one month.
After talking to her mom (who has always been a helicopter parent and essentially refuses to let my girlfriend "leave the nest"), her mom doesn't think that she should have to pay rent, because, "It doesn't make sense for him to make you pay half the rent for the month if he is going to be there regardless of whether you are there or not."
I feel like with this logic, you could say the same thing about when I am in medical school. Why pay half the rent to live in my apartment with me if I'm going to be there whether she's there or not?
Now her mom has essentially convinced her that she shouldn't be paying rent. While half the rent for one month might not actually come out to that much money in the long run, it's the basic principle that she doesn't feel she should pay for it, even when it was *her idea*, that is bothering me.
On top of that, if I was expecting to be alone, I'd probably cram myself in the cheapest studio apartment I could find. But if I plan to be with someone else, I would probably try to find something a little bigger so that there's a little breathing room. I would still just pay the second month of rent myself. Her mom's response is that "he shouldn't be basing the kind of apartment he gets off of whether you'll be there or not." As my girlfriend has grown up with her mom constantly being authoritarian, she is easily swayed by her opinions.
AITA for this?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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"description": "not wanting my Mum to date",
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|
AITA For Not Wanting My Mum To Date
|
Okay, context is required for this, because otherwise, this would be an easy yes, I am the huge asshole and even I can see that. But there's more too it than that. So much so that I really can't tl;dr this, because I really do feel everything is important.
I'm 18 years old and I live with my mum and my 12-year old sister who is autistic. Up until September last year, we also lived with my dad. He was... very abusive. Physically, mentally, even sexually. I told my boyfriend the truth of what I'd been living with and he went straight to the police. My dad was removed and I've not seen him since. The police investigation is ongoing.
Just a bunch of more details: this occurred less than 6 months ago. There's been no mention of divorce between Mum and Dad. In fact, my sister still asks when he will come back. She doesn't understand. Mum is... much more vulnerable than she realizes, I think. She's seeing a therapist and going through something called the Freedom Program which helps identify and cope with coming out of abusive relationships with narcissistic and dominant partners. This was probably what inspired me to make the post, because although this question has been nagging me for a while and the argument I mention later happened a while back, she had her first Freedom Session today and came back with Personal Safety Alarms for myself and her (not my sister because she'd just mess with it).
This is my mum's second marriage and she's recently been talking to a man on FB, let's call him Steve (not really ofc). They were chatting and Mum insisted nothing was happening between them. Big fat lie. She was awful hiding the fact that every text they sent was finished with a flurry of hearts and he called her 'babes'. She also was having panic attacks whenever she went into the town where my dad worked, something she told Steve and not me, her own daughter. I also feel it important to mention that she's never met this Steve in person.
I blew up at her over it. I just did not feel ready. I was not ready for Mum to jump into dating again, my sister certainly wouldn't be and I know for a fact that her therapist told her that she wasn't ready for it. I was really angry. But, on the other hand, I totally understand where Mum is coming from - she mentions a lot how she hasn't been happy for the past 20 years with him, how she wishes she could have someone who cares for her as my boyfriend cares for me (see above that he was the one who went to the police). She even mentioned at one point that she didn't want to have to choose between me as a daughter or being happy in a relationship.
So I don't know. I feel like none of us are really ready for her jumping into the dating pool again after everything that happened. But I also totally see why she wants to and I feel bad for saying anything. Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
​
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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qqYRurZBtlnVoyVwq4ZopOTWUpGsSCqq
|
abjmef
|
{
"description": "asking my trans GF to top me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my trans GF to top me?
|
So I’ve been dating this girl for about 2 months and I was always the top. However, I guess I just thought it would be OK if I could ask if she could top me and now she is threatening to leave me because I just asked it. I’m fine that she said no but I never expected this reaction and now she thinks I only like her for her penis and that I’m a chaser. I like her a lot for herself as a person, not her penis and I thought that it could be fun if she topped me once, and I didn’t realize this would cause her so much problems. I said I’m sorry but she is still so angry at me. I’m not sure what to do. And I the asshole here for asking a question?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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h5PMG4h5FcQNPJjavBQ0rKCo0FkIGBq5
|
b867r3
|
{
"description": "not wanting to see my brother for the first time in a decade",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to see my brother for the first time in a decade?
|
TL;DR at the bottom.
My oldest (half)brother is now 31 years old. We met when I was 9 and he was 19. He showed up at my dad’s with his newborn son and girlfriend, so my parents took them in. We built a good relationship and I absolutely adored him. Suddenly, he took his family and left town when I’m 12 (I was outrageously upset). I found out later that he started stealing from our parents and got involved in drugs (snorting coke, selling weed, etc), so my parents kicked him out. I also found out that when he would take me to his friends’ houses who happened to have siblings/kids my age, he was actually taking me to his dealer’s house and he would sometimes make “deliveries” while I was with him. He also used to smoke joints in the car with me, and I couldn’t tell the difference between that and cigarettes.
I haven’t seen the dude in almost a decade, and our phone conversations fizzled out when I was 16. I rarely ever thought about him. 3 weeks ago, he showed up at my dad’s house with his wife and now 9 year old son. He says he’s changed and wants his son to have a better life so he needs help raising him. Parents took him in again and they’re living with them permanently.
My parents keep telling me he’s changed and I believe them. They say that not only is he sober, but he’s kind, helpful, and happy. That’s great, but it doesn’t make me forget what happened. I actually cancelled a planned visit because I’m not ready to see him, which pissed my dad off. My brother even called once and said he’d like to talk to me, but I said, “I’m not ready to hear what you have to say, I need time” and hung up the phone. I admit, I’ve been frosty.
I’m not ready to see him and I’m not even sure I want to. My dad offered to bring my brother down to my apartment, but I don’t want him in my space (and they know better than to just show up). They also keep asking me to come visit, but like I said, I’m not ready. I don’t know who this man is, and while I do have fond memories of him, I now know that those memories included him taking me to his dealer’s house and inadvertently giving me contact highs. I’m so angry at him for getting involved in heavy shit (and involving me, a child, in it); I would like to have a relationship with him again but anger is keeping me from that.
My dad isn’t speaking to me until I agree to speak to my brother, stepmom is staying out of it, other siblings have mixed opinions. I’m not saying I’ll never see him but I JUST found out that he’s back and I don’t think I’m ready to talk about a decade of repressed hurt and resentment with him.
So, AITA for avoiding my oldest brother and (inadvertently) our parents?
TL;DR: oldest brother, whom I adored, got involved with drugs and inadvertently involved me in it. He left town when I was a kid and haven’t seen him in nearly a decade. He showed up recently, dad says he’s changed/sober and wants me to visit, but I’ve been avoiding it. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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a224bc
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{
"description": "telling my mom to leave",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For telling my mom to leave
|
For context I’m 14
I was in my room finishing of 5 hour model kit of an robot. I had it standing up on a table behind me while I finished off the arms, my mom drunk, walks in, looks at it and says “what is this crap” gesturing to my model, she then knocks it over breaking the legs off (which took me 30 minutes to attach) and I told her to leave, not shouting, I said,l just leave,” she said it was the worst thing I had ever said and walked out crying very loudly. AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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OVd02w1U9KVFOwmwc9HIuP1YRObUrdkw
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b3osee
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to not go on vacation with his mom",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to not go on vacation with his mom?
|
My boyfriend (27m) and his mom go on vacation together pretty regularly. I (21F) usually don't mind, since they are pretty tight due to it being just them for years and they both like heat/luxury vacation which I absolutely don't.
However, a few days ago, when he asked me if I minded if he went this summer. To which I said yes. He got really pissed about it and basically said that he has very little vacation time, how I don't like this type of vacation and don't appreciate what he sacrifices for me enough.
Now for the reasons why I don't want him to go:
- it's the third long vacation he'll be taking with his mom in a year and there will be another one next winter (I'm not invited)
- we want to move in together this fall/winter and there's still a lot of planning to do
- he has a bunch of work trips as well over summer which he extends by a day or two, meaning he isn't here a lot anyway
- he wants to go abroad next summer, where he will be gone for at least 3 months
To be honest, I feel really left behind because he's gone so much and doesn't consider my feelings at all. I know he can't do anything about work trips and I usually wouldn't deny him a vacation but given the circumstances, I don't like it.
So, AITA?
TL;DR: Boyfriend will be gone a lot in the next months, wants to go on vacation with his mom, I said no.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ERrjJJemCXLqHzwCooOBKSCWDrF0I2Gp
|
avj4qn
|
{
"description": "indirectly hurting my wife before sexy time",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for indirectly hurting my wife before sexy time?
|
Tldr below.
My wife and I just came from a romantic night where we watched the opera. When we got back, she went to the toilet. I sat in the room to settle down before I prepare to get myself cleaned up.
While I was undressing myself, my wife walked in with sexy lingerie. Hot af, teasing me. I was already in my boxers, so I decided to drop them and just jump on the covers that was in bed. Spread out like a starfish awaiting sexy time.
She jumped on me and basic human reflexes, to protect my balls, I closed my legs and she was mid jump. She tried to avoid landing on my legs and instead, landed shin first on the metal side of the bed.
In that sexy lingerie, she cried and I panicked. I ran and grabbed some ice for her shin. She blamed me for closing my legs because she said she'd never hurt me but I indirectly hurt her by closing my legs, and by trying to avoid me, she hit her shin on the side of the bed.
I was in two worlds. There she was, sexy as sexy can be but wailing and shivering in tears. I found the situation humorous so I chuckled a little bit and she got upset because I found it funny that she got hurt. When I finally saw the bruise after a few minutes of ice, the leg had a dark spot. It swelled and bruised. She couldn't walk properly to the toilet so I helped her clean up and sent her to bed. I showered after she's in bed. Now she's sitting down watching a movie on her laptop while complaining that it's pain.
I think she's forgiven me but I feel really bad and I think she might have gotten a hairline fracture across the shin. Any medical experts can tell me about shin injuries? Symptoms?
Tldr: About to have sex and in a freak accident, Wife got injured and I accidentally laughed at the situation.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
b6IFEuXouepycsTYYcUYKPE5YKL9a2kn
|
aaxmhc
|
{
"description": "going back to my ex",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going back to my ex?
|
Hey guys sorry for formatting errors, on mobile here.
So a little back story here, basically me and my first ex (we will call her Ex1), dated for about 2 years in highschool. We broke up at the beginning of senior year. Towards the end of senior year I started seeing this different girl (Ex2), we dated until summer ended, when I decided to end things because I was going to college and did not want to do long distance. We had a great relationship, but I knew I wouldn't last doing long distance. I originally told her I would try it then my brother told me it probably wasn't worth it in the end, and I realized he was right. Ex2 absolutely hated Ex1 because me and Ex1 were so on and off in highschool. Ex2 flipped absolute shit when Ex1 slid into my Instagram DMs to ask a harmless question. Ex2 made me promise to her that i would never go back to Ex1, when Ex2 and I broke up. It might have been wrong of me to agree to the promise with Ex2, but I only did it because I hate breaking up with people and I really just wanted her to stop crying, and for the whole thing to be done. My relationship with both of my exs was shitty when I went to college.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Me and Ex1 decided to start harmlessly talking. Pretty quickly it turned into flirting. We decided we would see eachother when I was home. Had no plans to do anything, just hang out and see what happens.
Fast forward to a couple of days ago. I was at work until 10pm. I told Ex1 if she wanted to do something after she could meet me at work at 10.
10 rolls around and I walk out to my car, and see right away ex1 parked right next to me. I approach my vehicle and see someone taking videos of me and laughing. I was trying to see who it was and all the while ex1 had gotten out of her car. Then the person proceeded to roll their window down, and who was it? Ex2. She screams "I hope you have fun with that fucking whore, you prick!" at the top of her lungs, across a relatively busy business parking lot at 10pm. I just flipped her off because I feared that retaliation would only make things worse and I did not want to be at fault for creating some huge problem. Me and Ex1 proceeded to leave after this.
So tell me, am I the asshole for going back to my ex? Did I deserve to get screamed at and insulted? Let me know.
Note: I do not think Ex2 was stalking me or anything, this parking lot is a common place for people to smoke and she was there with friends.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
OKeS8BdNRos7uLP4oXGCkEN7KOFq5llj
|
awrfpv
|
{
"description": "not chasing after a drunk friend who stormed out",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not chasing after a drunk friend who stormed out.
|
Long story short a friend of mine (26m) can't handle emotions when he drinks. We tell him not to get super drunk since he had no car and I have to drive home home every night. He always over drinks and gets into a slump and we have to baby sit him and keep him from spiraling.
Tonight he drank half a bottle of rum and a couple beers and got upset over something then stormed out after throwing his phone at the wall.
We didn't chase him out since he is an adult and we are tired of dealing with this every weekend. Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
5G39W8ouDIXU4hTiBNNQeYPgVPYAvUCm
|
ahm8bp
|
{
"description": "freaking out the neighbours whilst exposing their kids to bad language",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for freaking out the neighbours whilst exposing their kids to bad language?
|
A few hours ago (around 9pm; I live in australia) my neighbours started blaring ed sheeran hits at a pretty nasty volume level - to the point where even if I closed my windows and put on headphones on It was still annoying. This was made worse by the fact that my window looks over the bordering fence and onto their pool area, meaning that I had no external protection from the noise.
I tried to ignore it for a few hours, and thought oh well its not that late anyway who cares. But, at about 12pm, the music wasnt letting up, and their choice of artist hadnt either - so I hatched a plan. I went into the living room and grabbed the wired bluetooth speaker, and set it up on my windowsill, pointing directly at the gathering. During the pause between songs, I played Full Moon by Death Grips at full volume from my speaker:
https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DsFmZ6WDkuj0&ved=0ahUKEwiPme2o-_nfAhVJfysKHXhPDEAQo7QBCB0wAA&usg=AOvVaw1NVEbVVXUXk4hlwbT7y5Po
- This death grips song is particularly angry, and contains quite a bit of foul language - something I forgot to consider, seeing that there were kids present. -
They immediately stopped playing their music - and actually seemed to be freaking out a bit. (If you listen to the song, I think you'll know why.) They started to accuse each other of being the culprit, and after some arguments and shouting, they made their way back inside.
Sure it worked, but it didn't envoke the reaction I was expecting. AITA for freaking out the neihbours whilst exposing their kids to bad language?
TLDR:
I got back at my neighbours for playing loud music by playing some music myself, but i ended up freaking them out more than i hoped, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
doKeeXt9Z1PzMrL056AIX0w01Lh5iauB
|
a50yxh
|
{
"description": "deciding not to spend Christmas with my boyfriend and his family after he told me I'd be one less thing to worry about if I didn't come",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for deciding not to spend Christmas with my boyfriend and his family after he told me I’d be one less thing to worry about if I didn’t come
|
He tells me we’re arguing semantics after this whole thing started and says I’m blowing it out of proportion. Last night we were talking about going to his grandmas house for Christmas which is 7 hours away. At first he invited me and I said yes I’d come, then we were talking about making a pit stop to see my family which is on the way, and he said he will ride with his brothers (to avoid going to see my family And I planned driving separately), then all of a sudden he says it would be one less thing to worry about if I don’t come because he has to plan sleeping arrangements and such. So I told him I felt uncomfortable coming and that I was a burden and he is trying to tell me I’m bent out of shape about it and deliberately misinterpreting what he said. Why would he say that if he wanted me to spend Christmas with him and his family? Yes, I’ve met them and spent Christmas with them last year.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Mq0WAtDcckklozhA7aJCe2HbklNmNwTZ
|
aut4gs
|
{
"description": "not helping someone getting beaten up on the streets",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not helping someone getting beaten up on the streets?
|
This happened a few days ago after a concert. I (an average build male) went outside of the club for a smoke with one of my friends, when she suddenly told me to turn around.
As I turned around I saw a guy, probably between 25-35 getting pushed to the ground by another man. 2 other guys, probably the aggressors friends, tried to hold him back.
After a few seconds both of them got up and the aggressor threw a punch at the other guy, then yelled something along the lines of "Have some respect!" and disappeared around the corner with his friends.
All this happened while was just standing 3-4 meters away. I wasn't even paralyzed by fear or something like that. It felt like I was consciously making the decision not to intervene, because I didn't know if he had a knife or any other weapon on him which could injure, or even kill me.
So, am I the asshole for not intervening in this confrontation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
6f9FY1dkMlRLLdjyElNyas1Msr5g75K2
|
anqi15
|
{
"description": "telling my abusive mother on her deathbed that I prayed god would give her the appropriate punishment",
"pronormative_score": 78,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for telling my abusive mother on her deathbed that I prayed god would give her the appropriate punishment?
|
I don't really want to give specifics. But my mother was physically violent with me, and even enlisted help from her brother in law to beat the shit out of me.
I thought saying this to her would lift weight of my shoulders, but I feel like it's fuelled the fire.
I wish I could just die too.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
W2Zm7ZJYSzT8O9iGSmmWheEdwZTMaG3k
|
ahelz0
|
{
"description": "not wanting to get used to my messy roommate",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I don't want to get used to my messy roommate?
|
I know that in order to be a good roommate, I have to let a few things go. I can't have it my way or the highway because I'm sharing a space, and my roommate is a great person. Unfortunately, we have very different standards of cleanliness, and I am having a difficult time lowering my own standards: I don't like dirty dishes sitting in the sink, greasy remotes, not washing your hands or showering often, or things left around all the time. I have expressed these things to my roommate, and have been met with sympathy, but some habits are dying hard and the things mentioned above (which are only a few of many others that have been remedied) have gone unchanged. Am I being an asshole for not getting used to this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
KRYy8TgLqVlkvuzCDxyPrYswULJxelOX
|
a368tn
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for tickets on a car in my parents name",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Aita: for not wanting to pay for tickets on a car in my parents name.
|
AITA: As the title suggests I do not want to pay for tickets on a car that was neither in my name or possession. My grandma gave me a car when she passed. They put it in my mom's name. My mom would not let me put it in my name.
Fast forward to me moving out. I could not garage the vehicle at my new place so, per an agreement, I left it at my mom's. The car is registered in her name and I assume her address. We had agreed to leave the car there since there is plenty of parking. There is street sweeping on her street so the car was required to be moved by law. I did not have a key to the car and it is not in my name. She was supposed to move it on the days posted on the street signs.
My mom did not move the vehicle. It gathered tickets. My mom then took my sister and her boyfriend to South Africa on a vacation. They left the car there and she had the keys. I recognized that the car would be ticketed so I called AAA to unlock the car so I could put it in neutral and push it into the empty driveway. Since I did not have the key I could not do even this.
The car ended up getting impounded. They say she owes the city several thousand for the tickets, tow and impound.
My mom wants me to help pay. She even wants me to sell my motorcycle and give her the money. I don't want to do this. I feel like she brought it on herself. So am it the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
3jSPONRj2MgPcVhQhxKR2BC17fG6chRf
|
a4cish
|
{
"description": "telling my husband to take less time in the bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA - telling my husband to take less time in the bathroom?
|
Newlywed here and burner for obvious reasons.
My husband and I live in a apartment with one bathroom.
We both work from home and have appointments with clients (out of the home) starting at 12.
Each morning at 8 am my husband goes to the bathroom for 30 minutes. Fine I have time before my next appointment. He then goes in again to poop AGAIN at 10 am for 30 minutes and takes a 30 minute shower. He has zero medical issues he just takes his sweet time in there. Probably looking at Reddit or something.
My husband is in the bathroom for at least an hour and a half each morning. I find it impossible to be in there that long and inconsiderate to me. For example if I have to use the restroom I’m in there for no longer than 5 minutes max. My showers are 20 minutes max.
His hogging of the bathroom is constantly making me late and I can’t do my hair and makeup like I should.
I told him he needs to be a lot quicker or find a public restroom to do his business- he says that he can’t be quicker it’s just his speed. It’s created arguments with us. I find it impossible to believe a man needs 20-30 minutes to poop.
We live in a high cost of living area and our place is very small- and there is a shortage of rentals so moving is not an option.
AITA for telling him to hurry up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
UKZ7tpWJT7TjGUaSp0nlZFvXfeGRhyZE
|
asfkyq
|
{
"description": "being mad at my roommate cause his dog chewed my fav shoes",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being mad at my roommate cause his dog chewed my fav shoes?
|
So my roommate got a puppy who he promised to train when he first got it. Well 5 months later and she’s still peeing in the house and chewing on things. The ‘incident’ happened while I was gone visiting my parents. From what I can piece together the owner was outside smoking and left the dog to roam in the house while my other roommate who shares the master bathroom with me left my door open after a shower. That’s when the puppy got in.
Details on the ‘victim’:The shoes are a prized possession that I don’t wear often. I wore them when I went on a tour of Europe (6 countries) so they have a ton of sentimental value.
When I asked the owner what happened he denied she did it but I sent a picture and the only response I got was
“I dunno what to tell you. Your door was closed all weekend so I don’t know how she would’ve gotten to them”
I didn’t even get a sorry
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
umeUfzWxc03HIRHwWdGg2AMgHTCspHVg
|
aecm8v
|
{
"description": "not living for my job",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not living for my job?
|
Here’s a little backstory. I work retail, and my best friend and I are both assistant managers. Our General Manager is out covering for a District Manager while she is on maternity leave. My best friend was appointed to be the “Acting GM” making her now, my boss.
Things started out really good, as my best friend was my boss, how convenient right?! Well, as a month has passed there has been constant drama with associates, people calling off, extra work loads being added when we’re already under a manager, etc. I feel like her expectations for me are higher than the other two assistant managers. I feel like since I’m her friend she expects me to do more. Which, I understand to a certain pint but I feel that I’m being made to take part of the responsibility of GM when I’m not the one appointed to do so.
I can never escape work, on my off days she will call me and complain about work and the various drama. When we hangout 50% of the time is spent on her talking about work or asking my plans of action for truck day, planograms, etc. it’s EXHAUSTING. I’m already burnt out after the long holiday season, I feel like I need a second to breathe. My mental health is struggling because I don’t have the time to take care of myself anymore.
I’ve honestly been considering quitting for a few months now, but I afraid to as I know that would damage our friendship.
Today is my off day, and our closing manager left early sick. She asked me to come in and I said no because I have millions of things to do that I have been neglecting. She has to now work open to close. Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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