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g0cbdCKsGf2OroJzozJxwLH0rmQF37TA
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ak9pp2
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{
"description": "refusing to pay someone when I broke his gift by accident",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For refusing to pay someone when I broke his gift by accident
|
So I had a friend,let’s call him Peter,whom I accidently broke his headset by kicking I apologised profusely afterwards of course but however at the end of the day he asked me to pay him $300 in damages(despite the headset only costing around $150-$200) of course I refused to pay him and he kept harrassing me for weeks,thing is it still worked only the sound distorted for a while before going back to normal
I later contacted the Friend who gave him the headset and he said that he had given him a warranty card to exchange the headset however Peter denied getting the card
We then had some drama and broke our friendship cause I believed he was using me for his own gain
2 Weeks ago(After he threw away his headset which he had been using for 5-6 months) he starts harrassing me again but this time asks for $170 instead of $300 he even called his gf(who was friends with me) to come and convince me to pay him back he then lowered the price again to $130 and asked that I pay him back for what I damaged despite it working pretty fine for those 5-6 months
He has been pestering me to this day and I don’t know whose right in this situation and if I should really pay him back after this
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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au07y6
|
{
"description": "making him pay for my eyeglasses",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for making him pay for my eyeglasses?
|
So I've been seeing this guy for about a month now. He has a 6 months old golden retriever puppy that I love very much, but since it's a puppy, it has a lot of energy and jumps a lot on me. When I'm at his place, I try as much as I can to push the puppy back and tell it "no" when it's too hyper, but it always come back to scratch (not on purpose) and lick me (totally on purpose but it's okay) .
Today I noticed a scratch on my eyeglasses that wasn't there yesterday (before going to his place) and it's bothering my vision when there is too much light. I have very, very bad eyesight so I can't function without my glasses. I showed the scratch to the guy and told him it might be because of his puppy. He seemed very bothered and said that he would pay for the lense.
I have not asked him to do so, but I'm a poor student and really need to change the lense. The two lenses together costed me about 350$.
I would feel really bad for making him pay for the lense since I can't be 100% sure that it's his dog fault (although I'm pretty sure it is) , and even if it is, I may be kinda responsible for not pushing the puppy back enough.
WIBTA for making him pay for my eyeglasses?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
MlYz7xUdUhvRl24NYow3f6RUpj2WuB9x
|
a5247m
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang out with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang out with my dad?
|
A bit of context before I get in to the real story.
I am 33 years old. I've been married for 7 years and have lived away from home since 2005 or so.
I grew up in a family that is not affectionate. I have two brothers and my parents stayed married. They both loved me, but there was never I love yous, hugs, kisses, etc. I'm totally ok with that as I know nothing else. Hugs and affection is foreign to me and I've been working on it.
With that out or the way...
At the beginning of November, I lost my mother. She had been admitted for suicide watch to a local psych hospital on a Monday. On the Friday, she was determined safe to leave. She had struggled with depression all of my life, but never this bad.
My dad picked her up, and decided to go to work at 6pm, mere hours after coming home with her. He said she seemed normal and just wanted to sleep.
At 7am, my husband and I were woken up by the police banging on my door, with my oldest brother. It was then I found out that my mom killed herself sometime overnight and my dad found her in the bathtub at 6am when he got home from work.
My husband and I left our house to go to my brothers (my other brother lives 2000km away and would fly in that night).
The first few days were terrible. My dad spent every waking moment verbalizing everything. Every detail, every second, every moment. It was agonizing to hear him go on and on. He couldn't get out of this loop.
It got better. It's now been about six weeks. The new issue I am having is hanging out with my father.
My mom was a stay at home mom. I was their only daughter. My mom was my best friend. We lived only minutes away from each other and we hung out often.
My dad on the other hand worked full time growing up. He was always tired so never hung out. Even in my adult years when we went over he often wasn't there, or was outside smoking pot. Therefore I really never bonded with him.
Lately, my dad will just... Pop over. I feel like he's trying to make up for lost time but he is laying on the love way, way too much. I understand where he is coming from as he feels that mentality is what ended my mother. I get it. I cant however flip a switch. It honestly feels foreign and fake.
Besides being way too overbearingly loving, every time he comes over he talks about her, and the events. He's gotten better about going over the story, but he spends a lot of time here just talking about her and how his life is different.
I've gotten to the point where I've requested he ask before he comes over. I'm not used to people just coming over, and frankly I'm starting to find his presence uncomfortable. I do understand. My brothers have someone to talk to. my dad just has us. My oldest brother has gotten angry at him because he does the same at their house. I have never shown anger, but I will often make up an excuse if he wants to come over. It's not that I WANT to forget my mom or what happened, but I am healing a different way and every time he comes over it sets me back literally to day one.
I feel like im being an asshole, but I don't really know any other way.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
asjk9i
|
{
"description": "cussing out my sister in public",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For cussing out my sister in public?
|
This is my first time posting so there might be some spelling mistakes and such, Sorry
A background : This was around 3 years ago. Me being 12, and my sister being 17 and my brother being around 2. My sister has bi-polar disorder but had her medications at the time from what I remember. She’s gets angry when in public a lot especially around this time.
So at the time we were outside of a museum where there was a lot of people around. My parents told me to be with my sister and my brother so they can buy something inside real quick.
We were waiting for a while and I was bored so I started to play with my brother. He was having fun and he started to yell a little cause I was tickling him. I stopped and told him to be quiet; then my sister looked annoyed and said (being vocal) “STOP doing that you Pedophile.” with a very serious voice. I was caught off guard because she rarely says things like that. A lot of people with dirty faces started to look at me with him. I immediately got scared and started to get defensive, (Note I rarely ever swear, especially in a public spot) I said (Loudly) “IM HIS BROTHER YOU ASSHOLE, SHUT THE FUCK UP!” This got even more people looking at the 3 of us, more towards my sister. She immediately started to tear up and started to walk away from me and my brother trying to avoid being seen by the people.
I stayed around the area still and the rest of my family came back and asked where my sister was.
We found her at the car, Crying.
My mom told me to apologize to my sister for cussing at her there and I was grounded. I told my mom what she said about me but she said “There is no excuse for you said to her back there.”
Im still not to sure what to think about this.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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huklPXdarUGCrW8FQxHXzokwR8rZGg8B
|
b5tigk
|
{
"description": "going on a birthday trip to another country without my husband",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going on a birthday trip to another country without my husband?
|
Me 28 (nonEuropean) and my husband 31(European) are living in his home country which I have lived in for two years. Almost all of my friends I have met through him because it's not easy to make friends here. I work freelance so no colleagues to be friends with. My husband told me that he's got a bachelor party the weekend of my 30th birthday. My birthday is going to be on a Sunday but I wanted to celebrate on Saturday. He will get back from the bachelor party ( taking place in Germany) on my birthday late at night, so suggested we celebrate the weekend before or after. I said yes.
Then I thought about how lonely I would still be on my actual birthday weekend. The friends I have I don't really feel I know very well and don't get excited thinking about having a party with them without my husband there. So I planned a mini solo trip out of the country, somewhere I've never been before so I don't sit at home feeling sorry for myself that weekend while he's getting drunk and having fun with friends. When I told him my idea he got sad/upset that I chose to go on a trip without him, especially to a country he's never been to either. When I explained he's going to celebrate the bachelor party in a place I've never been to he explained that it wasn't his choice for the weekend or the place to celebrate and if he had the choice he wouldn't do the party that weekend or in that country. Nevertheless he is telling me that I should pick another place that I've never been to, but that he already has, so that we can go to new places together. He's asking me to wait until he has more money saved up so we can go together since he will have spent a lot of money on the bachelor party. He's suggesting he take me to a nice dinner the weekend before and the weekend of my birthday I try to plan a party at home with friends instead of traveling. I feel it's unfair that I can't go to a new country when it was his choice to go to the bachelor party. The countries he's already been to are twice as expensive to travel in, farther away, and not worth a weekend trip in my opinion.
AITA for still considering going to a new country alone for a mini birthday trip while he's at a bachelor party?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
vdNrqbtOhyuoBHOtHYMJVw9cnRy8jqjC
|
aric40
|
{
"description": "laughing at kid being beaten up in front of a bunch of people",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for Laughing at kid being beaten up in front of a bunch of people
|
There’s this kid on my team for show quior he constantly calls everyone gay and fosters a real anti-gay culture in the place always “screams no homo” or “if you look your gay”
Cut to yesterday, we where changing and he slaps a kids ass and starts harrasing him
And saying things like “omfg I know you like it stop lying” when a much bigger kid picks him up and holds him upside down which causes his pants to fall down. The big kid slaps his ass and says how do you ducking like it. He’s obviously hurt by this and lays there for a few seconds before getting up and laughing it off, am I the asshole for laughing at him as he’s being picked up and letting it happen?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
CZSg0PEIhElKieUJo2nMPqh2ZWn1eZgP
|
afprnv
|
{
"description": "wearing box braids and being not black",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I wore box braids and I am not black?
|
This is my first time posting to reddit so please let me know if I’m in the wrong place.
I am Filipina, was born in the Philippines and immigrated to the U.S. when I was a kid (elementary school age). Recently as my hair has been getting longer I’ve been trying new things with it besides wearing it down or in a bun. I like doing braids but have only ever done a few small ones at a time, or done single/double french braids. But I would like to have my whole head in small braids, like box braids. When I was a kid in the Philippines, my grandmother would make clothing for me and do my hair, and she used to braid my whole head this way. I am in my 20s now and I’d honestly love to have my hair done like this again after so many years (whether on my own or from a salon).
I’m genuinely not sure if it falls under cultural appropriation against black culture, I don’t want to be insensitive. I’ve tried to research traditional Filipino hairstyles but couldn’t find much.
So WIBTA if I wore my hair this way?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
WeBe3egkQNCeR42pDMVsrwox9mlwIZGA
|
b5ci9p
|
{
"description": "complaining about a free keyboard",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for complaining about a free keyboard?
|
I bought a new gaming computer around $2000 and it came with a keyboard. Ive had this computer for about 3 weeks and the keyboard it came with is already messing up. WIBTA for sending in a complaint about it? I dont want another one in return or anything, I’m just annoyed a new keyboard broke so quickly.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sPkGjtOb5jtVeAVWO3F8F4NRy7bbpATG
|
b6hgno
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to get an STD test",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend to get an STD test
|
Hello, everyone.
I (22M) met my girlfriend (29F) online a few months ago. In our first date, I went to her house and eventually we started to made out.
A little background: I had a trauma in my past so I'm so afraid of getting an STD such as HIV. I tested multiple times over a long period and I developed a severe anxiety disorder.
After we made out, things were going to sex. I stopped her and mentioned about my situation and I'm afraid of having sexual intercourses with someone I met recently. She listened my story and said that she understood and she will have an STD (I specifically asked for HIV) test in order to continue our relationship. I said okay.
Next day, she texted me and wanted me to send laboratuary informations to get tested. I sent her and then she asked me about what she will say to get tested etc. Then suddenly she said "You know what, let's not do this and break up at the first place" I completely freaked out when I saw this. As I told you, my anxiety makes me feel worried even in a simple situation. I start to face panic attacks whenever I face a situation like this. I asked her and insisted to learn why she gave up and eventually she admitted that she has HPV.
I wasn't mad at her but I freaked out. Not because of HPV but she hadn't been tested for any other STDs and as you know, once you get an STD it is easier to catch another one as well.
I meet her again and convinced her to take test. (no pressure, just talking) She had tested for HIV and result came out as negative. We continued our relationship but I found out that she has been in a one night stand (unprotected) recently before me. So she might be her window period for testing. I talked to a couple professors and they suggested her to get tested again.
Now, the problem is, it has been 3 months and I'm afraid to ask her again to get tested again. My anxiety kills me everyday because of this but I cannot mention about this to her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
slPysUfinJB96uG4mPIfoUanack3Ctgp
|
a2hude
| null |
AITA My sister hasn't talked to me in over a year.
|
Alright guys and girls first post here so please don't rip me a new one if this isn't perfect.
So before I get into this let me give you some perspective on the situation. (I'm being a little vague on some details to protect identity). Also this story takes place over 2009 to present. Hopefully it doesn't get to confusing. But I feel the context may matter.
So I am the older brother by a little over two years. My sister was biologically born my brother. We are from a small town in the states. When I turned 18 I moved out and started living in a major city. When me and my sister where the same gender we fought a lot as siblings often do. But after I moved out we talked and grew closer. I knew she hated living down there so I asked here to stay with me for a summer and got her a job where I work(this is all pre transition). She loved the city and we definitely grew closer from her staying. Well during one of these summers my dad passed away very unexpectedly. She moved back home with my mom, who needed the support.
After a year or so I had a new place and made her the same offer. She gladly excepted and lived with me for about a year I think, can't remember the exact amount of time. I never really asked much, helping out bills when she could but that's it. During this time she met her now husband and eventually moved in with him. I didn't know they were dating or anything but the thought had crossed my mind. Not super long after she moved out she started telling me we need to talk. I had already seen some pictures of her dressing as a female, so when the conversation came up it was hard for her to tell me but I asked if that's what it was about. She told me she identifies as a female and is going to start hormone therapy. I told her none of that mattered she is still my family and I'm happy she was comfortable telling me. I try to be very loving and excepting after all we are all just people.
As I'm sure some of you may have experienced if you have spent you're whole life with some one and suddenly change names and pronouns, it takes a moment of adjustment. She was understanding and patient with me, as I was able to switch pretty easy but still made the occasional mistep. Anyways fast forward a year or so and she tells me her man proposed and they are gonna get married. Keep in mind my mom knows nothing of this transition. So of coarse I spend a good long while playing middle man in trying to get my mom to understand her. My sister was very scared to have these convos and I truly believe my mom would not have gone to the wedding if I hadn't worked them onto talking with each other.
My mom isn't as easy on the transition of her name and pronouns. My mom gave my sister her now dead name, and I was always close with my dad so I feel like that might be part of it too but I don't know. It just wasn't smooth. But she went to the wedding and had a great time and I felt overall it was a good thing. Like we all openly excepted my sister and loved her. The ceremony was gorgeous, I walked my sister down the isle and cried like a baby the whole time. I'm a huge softy hahaha.
So let's jump forward another year. Me and my sister still talk and hang kinda frequently. And it's a major holiday so my mom comes into the city to see us. We spent most of the day together and my mom as usual was having a difficult time with the pronouns. She gets the name right for the most part. Also they don't talk allot so keep that in mind. And my sister can be pretty abbrasive sometimes. But me and her are really all my mom has in terms of immediate family. If it was up to her we would spend twice as much time together. So towards the end of the night my sister says I'm going home, it was wired cause I think a movie was still playing. She lives about 2 miles away and just stated she'd walk. I could tell something was up so I asked my mom to borrow the car so I could drop her off.
In the car I ask. She states something along the lines of." I can't do it anymore I can't be around mom." I say "hey let's slow down. I think that would devestate mom if you did that." She say "your eather with me or against me on this, pick a side"
To which I replied "what!?, I can't pick sides your both family. I love you both please just talk with me"
I don't remember what else was said just the slamming of the car door when she jumped out, didn't even stop all the way.
And other than one Facebook message she sent me from when I tried to talk we haven't spoke in over a year.
Now don't think this is the end. I spent the next few months just sendeing and her messages begging to just talk with no response. 6 months into this I got kinda drunk, and sent this(gonna copy from messenger)
"Listen I'm not saying that you owe me anything or that you have to be my friend or that because I was there for you that you should be. But like damn how is it so easy for you to just close the door on me? Like I just don't understand. Because I won't pick sides between you and Mom you just cut me off completely? Like I love you, I thought we were more than just family I thought we were friends. I am trying really hard to let this go, but it's just not that easy for me. To just be shut out for? for what? I've always loved and accepted you, I've let you live with me for practically nothing of asked nothing of you. And as I said it's not like I'm saying you owe me, because you don't. Like honestly you can read this and just look away and keep moving on with your life. But I need you to know like how much this hurts me. How much it bothers me. how much it's on my mind how many times I've written this message and deleted it. I walked down the aisle at your wedding. And we both cried together in the room afterwards. Like you don't want to talk to Mom it whatever like. But I'm not Mom. I'm your fucking brother." "
I've tried to give up but I can't. Maybe I'll just come knock on your door one day"
after those messages she told her husband that she was scared of me at what point he said if I showed up unannounced that he would call the cops on me keep in mind they only live 2 miles from me which is really what bothers me the most is we're so close together and she chooses to just ignore me.
Anyways I know that was a lot to get through to get to where we are now which is she still doesn't talk to me and I don't really know what to do I've pretty much given up she's blocked me on almost everything.
Am I an ass hole?
Could have done something different or better?
It's something I think about almost every day and I don't really know what else to do.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
XVpd4mxsZricJgtB2KSNJGfoP8Rm2fGe
|
a8p1qe
|
{
"description": "parking my car in the street in front of a school",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for parking my car in the street in front of a school?
|
My mother and I live in a duplex across the street from an elementary school. We live directly in front of the parking lot for parent pickups. Street is one lane each way, but it’s wide enough for parents to make a “turn lane” and let neighborhood traffic through.
Neighborhood traffic *cannot* go through, however, if anyone is parked on the curb in front of our house. I frequently park there for three reasons:
1. My mother’s car is more valuable than mine. We mutually agree it belongs in the (1-car) garage.
2. She leaves for work before I do; sometimes even before I wake up. She often comes home later than I do. If I park in the driveway, I frequently need to move my car so she can get in/out.
3. There is generally not enough space for me to park farther back in the driveway and for her to snake through to the garage.
If I sense that I won’t need to move my car for whatever reason (maybe she’s riding with someone else), I park in the driveway. More often than not, I need to park in the street to avoid dropping whatever I’m doing to move my car.
NTA: Parking in the street is perfectly legal. If we lived literally anywhere else on this street, I wouldn’t be blocking traffic. I may be physically unable to move my car at times (napping, shitting, timed testing, etc) when my mother comes home. I make an effort to park in the driveway when I can and only in the street when it is explicitly more efficient (which happens to be more often). Neighborhood traffic can go around the school street by taking the street directly behind us.
YTA: We chose to live on a school street. Although it was once *my* elementary school, we’re living in prime space for schoolchildren and ethically we should yield to their traffic. I can get off my lazy ass most of the time and move my car out of the driveway; the needs of the many (neighborhood traffic) outweigh the needs of the few (me) and I shouldn’t use the legality as a crutch. The fact that it happens more often than not means I should find a proper solution; otherwise I could maybe get away with it “just this once”.
NAH: I’m in the right but traffic has the right to be upset at me (and leave upset notes on my car).
ESH: I could be doing my part but ultimately the street is ill-equipped for school traffic.
AITA? What do you guys have to add to some of the arguments I’ve already heard? Which do you side with?
**Note:** I’m not posting this to seek validation. I’ve already made my choices, asshole or not. I’m posting this to raise interesting questions to this sub, for the sake of fresh content.
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HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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b1uire
|
{
"description": "not wanting children in our college apartment",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not wanting children in our college apartment?
|
I live in a house apartment with a total of 5 people (three upstairs, where this takes place). I've been in the house for almost two years, and for as long as I've known it, it's been a pretty "college" house. Some of the decor is rather *tasteful* (read: sexual), and the living room is pretty regularly used for drinking and/or smoking pot, with the occasional parties being thrown. Admittedly it's kinda trashy, but there's rarely anyone over that isn't also college-aged, so the house environment is hardly ever a problem.
Last month, I was working in my room with my headphones on when out of the corner of my eye I see a child darting across our living room with no one else around. I confronted my roommate about who the kid was and why she was alone in the living room. He explained that his father was picking him up for work, but that he came early to hang out but was also in charge of his five year old daughter. The two of them had stepped out to talk and hang out on the porch, leaving the child inside with the TV on.
This all took me by surprise because a few months back (but with different roommates), the house agreed that we aren't very kid-friendly and that children probably shouldn't be coming in. This wasn't a house rule or anything, just a mutual feeling we all had. I didn't think we would have to discuss the matter again when our current roommate moved in, but I told him that I didn't feel comfortable with a kid hanging out in our living room and to at least give a heads up if his dad is gonna bring his daughter over.
I feel like an asshole because now I'm the only person in the upstairs apartment that thinks this is a problem. My roommate is pretty free-spirited and doesn't think it's a bad environment for his five year old sister, and my other roommate (his partner) is majoring in childhood education and loves kids, so is also okay with it. My downstairs roommates think it's weird, but don't wanna involve themselves in something happening exclusively upstairs.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b0sv91
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{
"description": "writing down every time me or my SO does chores",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA If i wrote down every time me or my SO does chores?
|
So me \[25M\] and my gf \[25F\] have been together for almost 8 years and lived together for almost 2, we're engaged and are very happy together. As in any relationship we are not perfect and we both have flaws, we can talk about most of them and try to improve for each other. However lately i have been growing more annoyed due to the fact it seems i do most of what needs to be done in the apartment, such as cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping for groceries and doing dishes. We dont have a set system for who does what or anything like that, when we talk about it we are both on the page we are both supposed to contribute equally.
I work 70% and she works 60% and goes to school one day a week. We both are home and have about the same free time, we both play a lot of pc games in our spare time. Neither of us are very picky when it comes to cleanliness, our apt isnt filthy by any means but like we dont instantly do our dishes after we've used them. We dont like when it gets too much and both like it a lot if we've done something like spring cleaning. But if i dont do the dishes they will sit in the sink and pile up, if i dont do the laundry the laundry basket overflows and if i dont shop groceries and plan for dinners we wont have food at home or ready to cook. She still claims she does as much as me. Its also a pretty small apt so its very easy to see it any of the chores have been done.
Since i started feeling i do more, about 6 months ago, i thought i might be overreacting and my observations and thoughts might be pushed by confirmation bias. So i went along with it for about 3 months until i felt i needed to say something to her. I told her i felt i might be pulling more of a weight and she very strongly disagreed, claiming she indeed does a lot. Conversation didnt really lead to anything and i still feel the same. So i thought that i could start counting and writing down every time i do a chore and every time she does one, my first thought was to do this without her knowledge, otherwise it might show false data. But i feel like it might be an asshole thing to do, so reddit WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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ajCkKxWKeyHAnGzKBppUQgPnwcEloqSC
|
aiyr8g
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{
"description": "coming late to my mothers surprise party",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for coming late to my mothers surprise party
|
A bit of background first. My mother's side of the family isn't really close. She and her brother and sister haven't been in one room for a long time. She turned 50 recently and I tried organising a surprise party and invited her whole family, only 3 showed up and there were more people from my father's side than my mom's.
My father now has been planning another surprise party and somehow managed to get everyone from mom's family to say they're coming. He planned it so that everybody would be there when she comes home from work, but I have an exam that day. My exam ends when the party is supposed to begin, so my father called the professor and asked if I could do it earlier. He agreed so now I can begin earlier so I can be on time for the party, which is nice since the surprise part is most important to a surprise party. But for my exam to be earlier, I have to make it in the office of the professor who is a pretty important person in his field of research, which is very intimidating for me. It makes me really nervous, because if I fail, I won't be anonymous and that bothers me. I don't have very high hopes for this exam, I failed if before, so it already is a resit, but because of my busy schedule I was actually planning on redoing the course next year.
My father gave me a heads up about his plans after he organised everything and he even called the professor before asking me what I want. Now I feel obligated to go to the party and doing the exam in the professor's office with him there, but that gives me a lot more pressure for the exam, which I'm most likely to fail anyway.
WIBTA if I rescheduled my exam back to the original time, missing the beginning of my mother's surprise party?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
KB1XNlxTthBLWRfl0NijVCDuS8ifBbbh
|
ac50dn
|
{
"description": "masturbating in bed a morning before I get up for work",
"pronormative_score": 62,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for masturbating in bed a morning before I get up for work
|
My SO will be half asleep at 6:30am, I’ll pop my phone out. Jack it and then get up and dressed for work.
I never used to do this infront of my SO but one day I just thought I’d do it and see if she said anything. She hasn’t said anything bad yet mainly just “Did you just have a wank?” And I’ll be like “yeah” and give her a kiss. Sometimes she gets horny and jumps on top other times she stays asleep.
I overheard someone from work saying her boyfriend masterbates infront of her when she declines sex. She talked about it in a bad way like he was an asshole for doing that... am I an asshole for just busting one out whenever.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
4pBjuEYr0eO4zgPPzICn9DooZob7z4po
|
b4ow0c
|
{
"description": "not wanting to seriously date a sex worker",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to seriously date a sex worker?
|
A group of us were having a conversation, and sex work was brought up. I mentioned that years back I knew someone who did escorting and camming. We saw each other casually and had a FWB type situation, but I didn't want to go any further than that due to her work, so she broke it off after a few months.
Some of my friends said that was an asshole move and that while no one is obligated to date anyone, it's a shitty excuse and I'm holding an unfair bias. They said that if I've ever consumed porn, camgirls, strip clubs, escorts etc then I'm being a hypocrite because I'm willing to benefit from the work but look down on the person providing it.
My argument is that people in a relationship should share similar values. I value intimacy beyond a simple commodity, and I want to be with someone who feels the same way about intimacy.
I also admit that I do watch porn, and have been into a strip club twice in my entire life. My argument there is that there is no intimacy in porn. I'm watching a performance, and there is no interaction between me and the performers. As for the strip club, I went for my 19th birthday the first time out of curiosity, and then a bachelor party when I was 27 or so. I did not buy a dance either of those times, so again, my actual interaction with the performers is 0. As an escort however, she has turned intimacy into a commodity, so to me, that's different. More importantly, even if she sees it as a simple transaction, her clients most likely do not.
Lastly, I'm not "looking down" on her, because I would also not date a girl who didn't want children. I don't think any less of the person, but our values/life vision simply don't match up.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
k3uAlSVip1Lc1RYpGcoGG9yrDTPhd12P
|
abmbjq
|
{
"description": "wanting my neighbors to park in front of their house rather than mine",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my neighbors to park in front of their house rather than mine?
|
I'll disclaim there's nothing illegal about parking on the street. There's no signage saying it's prohibited, so legally they're in the clear.
My rightside neighbor is a student rental. I think there's 3 or 4 students living there. They have no driveway but I do. They have some kind of parking behind the house but AFAIK one of the students is taking up all the space with a project cars (it's a car with a blue tarp over it but it takes their whole "parking").
Every day without doubt, there's two cars parked in front of my house but none parked in front of theirs. It gets to the point where it's becoming difficult to get out of my driveway. They park within 1ft of the edge of my driveway, meaning I have to be dead center going in, and my driveway doesn't give much leeway to begin with.
I talked to one of them as I caught on going to their car and they said they'd prefer to keep the front of their house free for visitors. So why am I not afforded the same luxury? If I want visitors, they need to park pretty far away (my house is one of the few with a driveway on the street).
AITA for wanting them to park in front of their house or WIBTA if I confronted them? They're in the clear legally, it's just inconvenient for me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ZEBnNsU7lbGDVIO3IcMTv1SI5xF3gXtT
|
aoa6y7
|
{
"description": "wanting to be paid more for babysitting",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting to be paid more for babysitting?
|
AITA? Im a student (18), and sometimes when i go back home to visit, i'll babysit my dad and stepmums kids ( 9-10 ). Last time i did I got £20 for like 4 hours work which is fine. Ive been babysitting tonight for 10 hours, made dinner and put them to bed, the lot. They are late back by an hour and a half now. minimum wage for my age bracket is £6.15. for 10 hours work id feel like £60 is good, or something around that price, though in the back of my head i feel greedy because they are family. And I would genuinely be a bit annoyed if I got £20 again, its not like they are poor either.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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INFO
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RIGHT
|
SqtN8y9vUVi62Giw2oNPdZLvTvZJDF8L
|
aruavq
|
{
"description": "being frustrated that my bfs dog sleeps between us every single night",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being frustrated that my bfs dog sleeps between us every single night?
|
I adore his dog, think of her as my own and treat her as such.
My bf and I are both very physically affectionate people. I thrive on it.
His dog is also very affectionate to the point where she insists on sleeping in between us in bed every single night.
Sometimes I may complain and he tries to move her but she always immediately comes back.
He laughs and says she’s cute and he can’t blame her she seems comfy and just loves us both. I admit I do find it sort of cute too and we have laughed it off time and time again but we are now going on 10 months dating and most nights he’s snuggling his pup and I get her paws scratching up on me.
I love how much he loves his dog but I am sick of feeling like a third wheel at bedtime.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
g0M2JXd0RdCCS6dDZIcUCcKWkbhWL93e
|
b9knx7
|
{
"description": "quitting my job",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I quit my job?
|
Hello, first time posting so my apologies if it’s funky. I currently work for a small shipping store and the owner is someone I’m related to. I have two coworkers one who just got hired (we will call her Jen) and the other who I’ve worked with for the past 4 years (we will call him Tim). I recently got an unofficial offer to come work for another shipping store by their manager who happens to be my old coworker (Ari we’ll call her) before the new girl Jen arrived, she worked with Tim and I since I started working there four years ago but moved shipping stores because of better pay and hours. The problem is is if I was hired at Ari’s store she would be firing one of the workers. That worker would be Tim’s sister. On one hand I want to take the offer because I would be making more money (wouldn’t struggle paying bills anymore) and would have a more flexible schedule but on the other hand I would feel bad for basically screwing over the owner I’m related to by leaving him confused on why I left so suddenly even with a two weeks notice and I would be screwing over Tim’s sister which would obviously create problems with Tim and I the last two weeks of me working with him. Plus the new girl Jen we just hired has only been working with us for a month so it’s not like she has the same expertise and therefore leaving the store in a frantic hiring someone to replace me while still training Jen. So Reddit, would I be the asshole in this situation?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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xqG3JOJFKBR5a4L7DmxjUlInS5Gnvsj5
|
abuxhx
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my gf because I've hurt her too much and don't think I can measure up to the potential she sees in me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my gf because I’ve hurt her too much and don’t think I can measure up to the potential she sees in me?
|
I’ve been dating this woman [27] for a year on and off. I have serious feelings for her, and she for me, but she brings out the “jealous guy” in me, and there are times I don’t trust her. I don’t like feeling this way towards her, and I’m not the type that she would normally seek out.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
aEAL1whXLUSyZUFhdUxUgrKxmRVfc708
|
a8n5oe
|
{
"description": "thinking my family should have left a bar we were at after I was yelled at by the staff",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for thinking my family should have left a bar we were at after I was yelled at by the staff?
|
Okay, so there's a lotta context to this. It was my mom and aunts' 50th birthday yesterday, and after the main party us adults decided to go to a local bar to finish the night off. There's about 8 of us. So I'm 18, my cousins' boyfriend who is 19 was also there, as was a mutual friend of our family who is also 19. The rest of us (about 5 other people) were of drinking age. I didn't expect to drink at this place since I'm not 21, but anyway.
We get to the bar and my mom orders a pitcher of beer, everyone starts drinking, including the two other underage people with us. They were not obvious about it or anything, just taking sips off other people's beers occasionally. This bar is kind of a dive and I was told they didn't really take drinking ages seriously. I order an iced tea, and I'm sipping on that for the first 15 minutes or so that we're there. My cousin decides she wants me to have some beer too so that I am not the only one not drinking so she switches my tea and her beer. I figure, the other underage people are drinking and it seems fine, so why not? I take one sip of her beer and switch the cups back around. IMMEDIATELY, an ugly old waitress storms up to our table and starts yelling and demanding to see my ID. I am not exaggerating, she was so loud she got the attention of half the damn bar. I tell her I took one sip and she says "I've been watching you drink beer since you got in here!" Now I'm pissed because she's outright lying. I didn't get the chance to really say anything to her because after she said that she stormed off.
I'm dumbfounded at what just happened, embarrassed because of all the eyes that were now on me, and it made the atmosphere at our table incredibly awkward. After a minute conversation resumes but I'm still very uncomfortable because this lady seems like she's watching me now and waiting for me to try something again, as were some other members of staff. This continues the rest of the time we are there. Since it is my mom's birthday I didn't want to cause a scene or anything so I just sucked it up and stayed, even though I'm still very uneasy being watched by all these staff and that whole situation definitely soured the mood at our table.
After we finish up (maybe 45 minutes after the incident), we get in the car and as we are driving my mom starts in about how I shouldn't have drank anyway and that I should've known better. I tell her about the other two underage people with us who were drinking a lot more than me without any problems and that didn't seem to change her opinion of what happened. After we get home I tell her that it kind of irritated me that she basically defended the actions of the waitress, and that if it were my kid in that situation I would've up and left the bar with them. I am definitely pretty disappointed that nobody took my side in that situation at all. AITA in thinking that?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
3UtuYZsRktRC70axc0QPh5E2u4TLu9Gn
|
a00zl6
|
{
"description": "telling my sister I'm pissed that she asked me if I owned any of the utilities that were fraudulently charged to her account",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA if I tell my sister I'm pissed that she asked ME if I owned any of the utilities that were fraudulently charged to her account?
|
I'm annoyed. This morning my (half) sister dramatically busted into the garage while I was smoking a cigarette. She walks up to me and asks in an ACCUSATORY manner"Do you own a Sprint Wireless or Comcast account?".
I reply, "No, why?". I'm totally oblivious to what's going on. She then says, "Well, I don't know where these charges came from, it's one for $200 and another for $370".
We go back in the house and I start heating up some food in the microwave. I tell her she probably has a fraudulent charge and should contact her bank. I explain to her Comcast isn't even available in our area, internet service is limited to Spectrum (formerly Time Warner) or ATnT. It obviously must be a charge from outside our area, andwhy would she even ask me?
She ignores the question. She then proceeds to complain about how this is disrupting her morning and she needs to go back to the bank. She rushes out the house slamming the door behind her.
Background:
I've been staying with my sister for about two months since my husband and I have been separated. I'm a 25 year old young professional with a two year old daughter. I have a decent job doing web content management and graphic design. I've been paying rent to her on time, I contribute a share of groceries for the house, and do a fair share of chores. My husband and I are attending marriage counseling to work on things, but I'm preparing myself for the possibility of being a single parent if it doesn't.
My sister and I have the same dad. He's white. My mom is black. Her mom is white. There are some cultural differences and perspectives that are generally accepted by both of us, and we otherwise get along fine. She's 42. I don't understand why she would immediately confront ME about account charges that are obviously bogus.
I believe it may be some underlying racial bias.
Plus, I'm not a thief. I even buy my own laundry soap, toiletries, etc. I don't use ANY of her stuff. We drink beer together, I'll buy a case, she'll buy a case. Occasionally bum cigarettes from one other if we're out (I know gross habit I should quit).
I'm pissed. It's like, really? She asks me before she contacts her bank. I have no history of theft or criminal behavior. No drug abuse or addiction. We both smoke pot, but whatever. Why would she immediately ask me about hacking her fucking bank account?
AITA if I confront her about my feelings when she gets back?
AITA if I tell her I think she confronted me based on racial bias, whether it was conscious or not, and that's not ok?
TLDR - My (25F) sister (42F), who I am staying with temporarily, confronts me about fraudulent charges on her account that I have zero knowledge of. I'm pissed, because the only reason I FEEL she would have for questioning me must be racially biased. I want to know AITA if I call her out and express my feelings truthfully.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
h8vsoY3SLnzrPclobhQGUw3ofTrGek1E
|
b39o8h
|
{
"description": "not listening to my gf",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not listening to my gf?
|
We’ve been together for almost two years and have very different opinions on what to do in certain situations. When I want to do something (that will not effect her or harm me in any way) and she thinks I shouldn’t do it, she always tries to guilt me into doing what she thinks is right.
Usually I do my thing, depending on the situation.
Note: Tomorrow references Wednesday 3/20 and we are both seniors in high school.
Situation: I want to skip school tomorrow to finish a study guide and homework for English class, as well as grind out the last couple hours of an online recovery course I’ve been taking. We aren’t doing anything in class tomorrow and it’s an extra long day. My attendance is not important to me and there is nothing I gain or lose (except for sleep) out of going tomorrow.
If I go, it’s 6.5hrs I’m sleep deprived, unable to work on anything I need to get done. I have music classes I pay for afterwards and will only be able to squeeze in 3hrs to get my work done before I have to get sleep so I’m not sleep deprived for my unit test on Thursday.
I could put off my online class for the weekend, but I’m trying to finish it by Thursday so I can talk to a counselor and drop my TA class so I can get out early(long story). The study guide MUST be done by tomorrow or I’ll be fucked for my test. The English homework I think is due Friday but I’m not sure.
My girlfriend wants me to go to school tomorrow regardless. She believes I’m obligated to go because it’s school. I’m arguing with her about it.
Would I be the asshole if I didn’t listen to her?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
9dci303VXiduyAaXY7mabsJ8tmJXsVJq
|
awb9ro
|
{
"description": "not telling my bf that I got abortion when I was 17",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my bf that I got abortion when i was 17?
|
Me(19F) and my bf (20M) have been together for just over 1 year. Our relationship is the best thing I ever had, a dream relationship for me. I want to marry with him in future. Of course we never lied to each other. However, I have a huge secret.
I got abortion illegally when I was 17. I was a terrible teenager and such an idiot. Somehow, I got pregnant as a 17 years old child, an underage. When I learned that I was pregnant, I freaked out. I've got no one I can tell my situation, just a bf(19) who don't give a fuck for my pregnancy and I didn't know what can I do. Anywise, I found some contacts, I got abortion and I dump my bf.
I was in an unbelievably bad situation. My parents didn't know even I do sex and I've got abortion. I never told anyone, even my most closest friends, because I was in shame.
This is a very traumatic experience for me. I didn't share and I won't share with anyone. However, my actual bf isn't "anyone". I feel bad for keeping a secret but this is my most hidden, bad, huge, personal secret.
The concept of abortion is terrifying for him too. This is a taboo for everyone around us. If he learn, he may want to break up, he may think that I am not the person l am offering him. I don't know maybe he will understand me and my situation but I'm not sure. Our relationship may change and I really really don't want to lose this relationship. Also, breaking up or changing of our relationship aren't the only things I hesitated. I'm really not ready for share my biggest secret. This is a real trauma for me. I've never told anyone and I will never. Moreover, if I had told him, he would be in same position that I was in when I got abortion. He wouldn't find anyone to share, he wouldn't know what to do. My shit would be something he needs to carry all his life.
I guess, I will never tell him. AITA for this?
Sorry for my grammar.
tl;dr: I got abortion when I was a stupid teenager. Now I have perfect relationship but he didn't know anything about my abortion. I won't tell him.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Basjfl0CYU2vvt1jMil8VvC0HmhbgnQj
|
b5zixr
|
{
"description": "screaming at a Tim Hortons worker",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for screaming at a Tim Hortons worker?
|
Okay so i'm going to explain this and give a bit of background information, also a throwaway account just in case.
So I have celiac disease an autoimmune disease where when I eat gluten it will trigger an immune response in my small intestine and damages the small intestines lining (villis). Celiac disease is different for everybody and everybody can have different symptoms, For me since I had a late diagnosis I have harsh symptoms (and gall bladder disease and anemia) Like bowel issues, vomiting, gall bladder attacks and seizures. I am extremely careful when it comes to eating out at places because I get very sick. And a small note that celiac disease is NOT an allergy like a lot of people assume, it is an autoimmune disease.
Now I get to the story, So I went to Tim Hortons one day for lunch with my friend and as most people with celiac disease or people who just don't eat gluten when we go out there is not a ton of options for us at restaurants and fast food places. So I ordered a salad with no croutons and I told them I have celiac which usually tells the people to be careful because some people like me who have celiac really rough can get very sick from cross contamination. My friend ordered a bagel and her bagel was made first, So i'm waiting for my salad and i'm watching the Tim Hortons worker make it and i watch her cut up the bacon and make my entire salad using the dirty bread cutting board and the bread knife, so my salad had bread crumbs all over it. The lady handed me the salad and I asked her "Hey I'm sorry but I have celiac disease and I just watched you make this salad on the bread cutting board and it'll make me sick if i eat this, by any chance could you remake this?" And she had an obviously annoyed face by me asking her this and told me "It's an allergy you will be fine" and shoved the salad my way. This got me extremely angry and upset since I have had a ton of bad experiences with my disease and cross contamination and I screamed at her and said "It's a disease that is serious, not an allergy and i can get extremely sick and have gall bladder attacks and seizures from gluten and i'm not going to risk it by eating this that you improperly made, you don't know what my reactions are and I would appreciate it if I could either get a refund or this remade". She didn't say a word and threw the salad in the garbage and proceeded to make me a new one while another co worker of hers who overheard the whole conversation showed her how to make it safely.
This happened several months ago now but I still feel guilty and worry if I went too far. Well reddit, judge me and tell me what you think!!
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9xw1a0
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"description": "skipping Thanksgiving with my family, to be with my wife and dog instead",
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|
AITA for skipping Thanksgiving with my family, to be with my wife and dog instead?
|
Kind of a longer one-
I (29 m) have been living for the past few months at my parents with my wife, and our almost 2 year old dog Lily. Our dog Lily is an Australian Cattle/Lab mix, who takes medication for anxiety. She’s always had lots of energy because of her breed, requiring a ton of exercise. We bought her as a puppy from a sketchy guy at a gas station. We weren’t sure how he treated her, but she has always been petrified of men and scared of almost everything. If you try to give her a bath, she cries like you’re trying to kill her. I like to only think happy thoughts in my head though, or it’d break me. Anyways... she’s the biggest velcro dog in the world to my wife and I. She has to be with us ALL the time. She doesn’t just sit near me. She literally sits on my foot if I’m at a chair or something. If we leave, and my parents are still here, it doesn’t matter. She will just lay in her crate or whine while staring out the door. And she doesn’t eat too much while we’re gone. Very good guard dog though, if anyone tries to come near the house... you will damn sure know and you’ll think she wants to kill you (it was great when the Jehovah’s Witnesses came by... I’ve never seen them leave in such a hurry!). :)
A little more background. We’re at my parents house as a temporary solution because of the timing of us buying a house, and the issues/conditions from the sellers needing to “rent back” from us for an additional 2 months after closing. We by no means are “freeloading” at their house. They offered it up since they have a 4br house and all 4 of us kids (me and my siblings) were gone. We buy groceries for us and them. We cook meals. Clean and pitch in constantly. I pay my parents for us to live here, including the full utilities too. But we are extremely ready to get out for sure, as you can imagine.
So the main AITA piece now-
Thanksgiving is next week. My siblings are coming in from Florida from today (Saturday) and staying at my parents’ until the following Sunday, so like 9 days. My sister has a little girl and boy (both less than 3). She also has her Shih-Tzu dog and he’s 10 now. My mom asked if we could just board our dog somewhere the whole time, or send her to my wife’s parents house. She thinks that with the two kids and my sister’s dog here, that it’s too much and we should just get rid of her for the holidays until my siblings leave.
Yes, my dog is like 55lbs and her Shih-Tzu is like 10lbs. But ever since my dog was a puppy, the Shih-Tzu has always been the one to try to bite and nip at our dog when we’re all together. He also barks at Lily while she just sits there. When we all visited for Christmas last year, we had to gate off the dining room and our dog was banished there, while we sat on the floor with her a few days because she didn’t want to be alone. She whimpered and just wanted to see everyone too. We put a gate in front of the living room entrance and she was finally allowed to be on a leash inside and she just sat with us all happy from the steps, looking into the living room at everyone. Then falling asleep there like a good girl.
So my mom wants us to send the dog away. We rotate holidays, and my wife and I were going to do thanksgiving at my parents’ house this year. Now I’m planning on spending both Thanksgiving and Christmas at my wife’s parents.
I don’t think we should have to send our dog off to be alone for the holidays. She would be so torn without us. And we would be sad without her too. I’m one of those people where my dog is my child, dammit. Lily was with me while I lived alone in the middle of nowhere for the first year of her life. She was the one to comfort me and get me through losing my 19-yr old cousin tragically last year. She makes our day better after the long days at work. Lily just wants to cuddle us and make everyone happy. So why do I have to send her off for the holidays, when the whole time I’ll just be thinking about how scared she will be that we’re never coming back?!? Or how I know she will be sad and cry. Why should I have to cast my dog out, that I devote hours a day to every single day to make sure she’s getting the required exercise and attention (getting up an extra couple hours before work to play, and spending hours at night tiring her out)? I worked through her anxiety and biting phase when she was a puppy, just Lily and I. She’s all good now, but she’s just such an integral part of my life and my wife’s, that I feel angry for everyone seeing Lily as “just a dog” and something that we can just drop off somewhere and pick up when it’s convenient for everyone.
But it’s not my house, and I know my dog can get excited sometimes to see family she knows, and wants to jump up to say hi.
So judge me please, Reddit. AITA?
TL;DR - live at parents house temporarily, with wife and my 2 yr old dog, who has anxiety issues. Parents want my dog out for holidays, so sister and her kids/dog can be here. I’m skipping the holiday to be with wife and dog instead at her parents.
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HISTORICAL
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amc88b
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{
"description": "saying \"what's up\" to my assistant boss",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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|
AITA for saying "What's Up" to my Assistant Boss
|
Obligatory on mobile and further apologies for crappy writing. I don't make long winded internet posts often and I tend to ramble and jump around.
I'm a young guy. I have been saying "what's up" as both a greeting and a colloquialism for "what's going on" for a few years now. To be clear I don't say"whassup." That is totally different and I recognize the difference. It has become a part of my speech patterns and basically automatic. My Assistant boss (not assistant to me but assistant to the boss who is another person entirely) has berated me a few times for saying "what's up" to both her and other people for a few different reasons. She has cited A) That it is a respect issue B) It offends her C) If a third party overhears it can become an issue because they don't know what is being discussed (I don't understand that at all) and D) It is unprofessional. I have never heard anyone else have a problem with this phrase in my life. My coworker thinks that she is just out to get me because she doesn't like me. I am trying to not do it but like I said before when someone addresses me it is my instinctual response and when I do accidentally forget to stop and think about what I am saying so I don't say "what's up" she gets upset even when I apologize immediately afterward. The boss doesn't seem to personally care but he is letting here just take the reins for this. I am going to continue trying to avoid it but I wanted to ask you random internet strangers your opinions. AITA or is my assistant boss just picking at nothing?
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HISTORICAL
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arkeat
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{
"description": "not telling my half-brother who his real father is",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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}
|
AITA for not telling my half-brother who his real father is?
|
The main players:
Me - on 23andme
Sister - full-blooded sister, younger than me and has our father on a pedestal
Father - deceased for 17 years, was an alcoholic and possibly a sex offender
Half-brother - in jail for 10 years, convicted rapist. Will be released in 2 years.
So thanks to the miracle of 23andme and DNA relatives, I recently found out that I have a half-brother through my father. I actually matched with his 13yo daughter on the website, and through comparing timelines, photos, stories from relatives... We've come to the conclusion that the only way she could share such a large percentage of DNA with me was if her father was my half-sibling.
Before we go any further, my half-brother's real father has been CONFIRMED by his mother. As in, our assumptions were correct and that he really is my half-brother.
-----begin family story------
Feel free to skip, but this is the story as we know it. My father dropped out of school when he was 16 and moved from Pennsylvania to Florida for work. A couple years later at 18 he hit a rough patch and moved back in with his mother in PA. At this time he began hanging around a local 16yo girl. My father only stayed in PA for a couple months before moving back to Florida. No one from my father's family ever heard of the girl again.
Turns out, the girl was pregnant. This was a small, rural, Catholic town so she couldn't have a child out of wedlock. She found another guy, married him ASAP and passed off the son (my half-brother) as this other man's child. Now if this guy knew that the child wasn't his, we don't know! Also unknown is if my father ever knew about his son.
Fast forward 20-some years, and my father marries my mother and I am promptly born. 7 years later my sister was born. 4 years after that (about 30 years after the birth of my half-brother), my father died in a car accident. My parents had a very tumultuous relationship and divorced a couple years after my birth. They were in stages of separation/reconciliation all the way up to his death. My mother moved me and my sister away from Florida and we lost contact with my father's side of the familly.
-----end of family story------
My half-brother is in jail for raping his teenage niece. He will be released in a couple of years. He is almost fully estranged from his daughters (my half-nieces) but they do contact him occasionally.
My sister and I are arguing over whether we should write and tell him who his real father is.
My argument:
1) this guy is a POS and I don't want any contact with him.
2) I don't think we're the right ones to tell him this, let his mother tell him.
3) our father has been dead for over 15 years. There isn't much I'm going to be able to tell half-brother about him.
4) THIS IS SOMETHING I DIDN'T TELL MY SISTER but turns out our father was a POS too. He was a heavy alcoholic, actually died driving drunk. What my sister doesn't know was that my father was arrested for sexual assault... right around the time I was conceived.
My sister's argument:
1) he is going to find out eventually anyway, between his daughters and his mother
2) if his mother tells him, she might paint our father in a bad light. We should tell him first and preserve our father's image.
I acknowledge that my sister's two points are valid, but I think my 3rd and 4th points counter her 2nd point.
IMPORTANT: I am not refusing contact with my half-nieces because of their father. Since they're both minors, I'm letting them (and their mother) decide how much contact they want. I am more than happy to talk to them and even meet with them in person.
So Reddit, AITA for not writing to my half-brother and telling him who his real father is?
Tldr - recently discovered I have a half-brother through my (deceased) father. Half-brother is in prison for raping his teenage niece and is a POS. My sister wants to write to him and tell him the story, while I have no interest in any contact with him. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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9vyiov
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{
"description": "not willing to pay my friends for taking care of me when I was high",
"pronormative_score": 9,
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|
AITA for not willing to pay my friends for taking care of me when I was high?
|
It was Friday night and my friends had plans with themselves, but I ended up getting high. They inserted themselves into the situation, saying me and the person that I got high with needed help and they stayed to take care of us. They really didn’t do anything to help us except cleaning up a bowl of vomit and sitting browsing their phones. Now the next day they are requesting that we pay them for ruining their Friday night despite me telling them multiple times that I would be fine and telling them to go to whatever they planned. I’m really pissed off but I don’t know what to say because they keep saying everyone thinks they are okay and saying that I was not okay and needed help. I have been in situations where I had to take care of myself when high twice already so I do know how to care for myself. What do I do?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9wy8ap
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{
"description": "offering to give my disabled classmate a ride",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for offering to give my disabled classmate a ride?
|
I’m currently working on a group project with a few classmates, one of whom happens to be disabled and uses a special type of wheelchair. We were discussing days to meet up outside of class, and she mentioned that it’s hard for her to meet (she commutes) on days she’s not on campus because she needs to get a ride from her parents.
Without thinking, I told her that it’s no big deal because I have a car and I can give her a ride if she lived close. My line of thinking was that (I forgot she was disabled, and) she didn’t have her own car (which is common with freshmen), so it made sense for me to offer since I have a car. She declined and said that it was okay, but I insisted. While she was telling me no again, I suddenly remembered that she literally can’t go with me because I don’t have a wheelchair-accessible car. I felt so embarrassed for probably humiliating her in front of the rest of the group that I dropped the subject. Now my classmates probably think I’m an airhead. :(
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| null |
AITA - Made suggestion to wife that caused her to have a depressive episode
|
I've been with my wife for a long time now, though we've only been married about 4 months (lived together for a little over a year). She has suffered from depression for her whole life. It hasn't been easy for either of us, but I try to handle it with tenderness and care. I don't always succeed in this, and today was an instance of this.
She prompted me to do an exercise where we interview each other about our relationship and what we've learned so far (it was based on a popular YouTube series that she's considering applying to be in an episode of). I agreed. One of the interview questions was as follows: "What's one thing I could do to improve my personal appearance?" I was considering skipping this one since my wife is generally insecure about her appearance, although she has no reason to be. I have always reminded her that she's beautiful as often as I can without it seeming forced. I suspect she has some degree of body dysmorphia.
I thought that skipping this question would come across as insincere, so I decided to give what I thought was a harmless answer. I told her she could improve her personal hygiene habits. As a result of her depression, she sometimes skips basic stuff like showering and skincare. We both know this, so I didn't think it would be hurtful. She seemed to be pretend-offended at this answer, but later in the day it morphed into actual hurt feelings. She told me I lack empathy and common sense multiple, and that I should know better than to answer that question while she's struggling with depression.
I agreed with her that it wasn't the best time to say something like that, but I also questioned her on why she would engage in an exercise like this if she didn't want any criticism. I told her that I'm more deficient in hygiene and self-care than she is, which is true. I also pointed out that I wasn't actually criticizing her appearance, just her hygiene. I really thought I was giving her a harmless, basic suggestion. She didn't care about any of it. She wanted an apology and nothing more, and got angry at me for apologizing with a caveat. I have always apologized when I'm wrong, but I didn't think I was strictly wrong in this case. I wanted to have a dialogue about it where we could come to some understanding, but she wasn't interested in that at all. Need a little perspective on this, am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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T8Tz7A7jnMySSP5O8cIvdT5RlMem5wBH
|
ac10um
|
{
"description": "not allowing a child who messed w/ machinery on a ski lift",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not allowing a child who messed w/ machinery on a ski lift?
|
The kid had the idea to stick his pole in the bull wheel of a ski lift - the lift and pole came out fine (somehow) and I didn't let the kid onto the lift and clipped his pass. Later learned he had autism and now feel like shit. Opinions?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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dwrhn0XDzptKH1STM0OLEX86EMd7M4AB
|
9yyw0u
|
{
"description": "getting ticked off by stupid and disrespectful people at work",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting ticked off by stupid and disrespectful people at work ?
|
I work for a major company that prides itself on how smart their workers are . In my department I’m responsible for systems that many people use and unfortunately many of them are just plain stupid . Many of them can’t read , can’t write , lack any competency in their simple jobs and have no way of conducting themselves in a professional manner. I respect my managers and immediate peers in my department but outside that bubble is a group of the dumbest people I have ever met in my career and that’s saying something . I can keep going but I’ll stop here . Does this make me an asshole ? I have a desire to tell them all off and say how stupid , incompetent and unprofessional they are but I value getting paid so I won’t lol.
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
ZggbsI1xB39u0zfU9YfXvf9ZKzIb4NiH
|
awtg7z
|
{
"description": "not finding our speaker when my sister told me to",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not finding our speaker when my sister told me to?
|
Context: My sister and I had a cool pocket speaker that we share. Most of the time, she uses it since I have a bluetooth headset. We also had a bit of rivalry when it comes to lost items, my sister was the favorite sibling between us and my parents dote on her. She often forces me to find HER lost items.
Now onto the story: My sister and I were chilling in the living room(y'know like you do), when she suddenly kicks me(it wasn't painful, but it did annoy me) and asks me to find the speakers.
I go to the usual place we place our speakers and.... It's not there. I told her this and she starts ordering me around, saying that if I didn't find it, she would tell mom to get me grounded.
I've already dealt with this kind of BS so I'm used to threats. After 2 hours of searching *by myself may I add*, I couldn't find it. She starts asking me if I found it, I keep avoiding her.
She then confronts me, takes my phone, and smashes it to the ground. I. Was. Pissed. The audacity to break my phone because of HER *ignorance* therefore makes her a stupid can of beans full of shit.
I then expertly grabbed her phone. After which I run and lock the door to my room. After about an hour, my parents arrived home and she *I assume* tattles on me taking her phone. I changed the passcode of her phone(the phone had a fingerprint scanner that accepts all our fingerprints) and deleted the fingerprints except mine.
Before I could explain to them, they immediately did an ultimatum grounding me and taking my laptop. I literally do not know why I am at fault here. I mean, I did steal her phone, but it's a small price for all the BS that she put me through.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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uow9UIBpA9X5cqpH2DJw8eoIltj76WXh
|
atrqav
|
{
"description": "taking my homework back from a girl who wanted to help",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking my homework back from a girl who wanted to help?
|
This happened a while ago and we’re good now, but I just want to settle this debate within myself once and for all:
I was doing homework in the library when she walked up. She said “do you need help with that?” and I said “no, I don’t think so”. So we just sat there for a bit. Then, she said “just let me help” and took the homework from me. And started working on it.
I said “hey!” and took it back. I said “look, I appreciate you wanting to help but-“ and she interrupted with “well clearly you don’t” and walked away.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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NYE6fBTP1H7bRgICby5jXWdiXFHCDMQE
|
a8rrz0
|
{
"description": "refusing to stop eating junk food around dieting friends",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to stop eating junk food around dieting friends?
|
tThrowaway account. Will try to keep it short, but feel free to ask anything. First time posting on Reddit. **TL;DR at the end**.
​
I'm a woman in my mid-twenties, and so are most of my friends. I've always been pretty thin, skinny even, but most of my friends are now either a bit chubby or simply fat, and most of them have been putting weight on consistently for the past few years. Mid-twenties, as I said. As a result, most of them are now always trying to watch what they eat, trying new diets (and failing), complaining about how hard it is to lose weight. Typical stuff.
​
Anyway, when we meet up, we usually go out to eat. And even though I'm skinny myself, by no means I have a healthy, balanced diet. I always have high-calorie, nutrient-poor food (far from ideal, I know). I just happen to have very little appetite, so I get full easily and thus end up eating calories in moderation and remain "naturally" thin. So my friends and I will be at the table, they will be having salads, water, bland-tasting low-calorie stuff, while I will be having junk food, sweets, sugary drinks, and the such. And because of this, they have been complaining more and more each time about how I'm "sabotaging" their diets, because it's really hard for them to eat "green" and healthily while they watch me having all the food they're craving so badly (even if I'm not having too much of it). They say they're more likely to give in to temptation or to binge-eat during or after watching me eat. They say I'm "inconsiderate" for not changing my diet "only" when around them, to match theirs. It's unfortunately starting to affect my relationship with some of them.
​
To make it clear, **as far as I know**, none of them currently have or have had in the past any eating disorders. None of them use food as a coping mechanism for emotional distress. None of them are morbidly obese and/or in desperate need to lose weight. They are just your regular chubby folk who like chili fries a bit too much, but would also like to lose a few pounds. They are also adults. And **as I see it**, as adults, they alone are responsible for sticking to their diets, however much discipline that requires, and I shouldn't have to stop eating what I enjoy just for them. For me and my own health? Yeah, probably. But not for anyone else.
​
But I've been told so many times that I'm "unsupportive" and that I "don't understand the struggle of weight loss" that I'm left wondering. Am I the asshole here?
TL;DR: friends trying to lose weight say I make it harder by refusing to stop eating junk food when around them and call me "inconsiderate" and "unsupportive".
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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qmBIM2W6MplRv7lFdB16M72fFFbk8oSO
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9wvx2x
|
{
"description": "letting my friends sleep in my bed",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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}
|
AITA for letting my friends sleep in my bed?
|
Last night was my final day of working in a bar that I have been at for almost 3 years, we had drinks when we finished and then went back to mine to carry on drinking. At the end of the night I let 2 of my workmates (1 male and 1 female) sleep in my bed and I slept on the floor in my lounge. My girlfriend is very upset that I let another girl sleep in my bed and blew up at me about it (she is 21 and im 23). She thinks shes justified in being mad at me where i feel like ive done nothing wrong and am copping shit for it. AITA for letting my close friends/workmates sleep in my bed or should i have kicked them out? Any input is greatly appreciated.
(also I have my own place and my girlfriend does not live with me)
|
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
y50jwIljI1vAKnwYDHjsLT2h25UxBSlT
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ackpzk
|
{
"description": "helping my brothers ex-bestfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for helping my brothers ex-bestfriend
|
On mobile sorry for the format or mistakes. Kinda long so TL;DR at bottom. Here goes.
So my brother used to be really good friends with this guy (let's call him jason). So one day out of the blue my brother tells me that he needs me to do something very important for him and that is to block jason on everything and not to speak to him. I agree and block him on everything (this was about a year or 2 ago)
Fast forward to today and I get a call from jason and multiple texts asking me for help on something IT related. Now I currently go to college for IT (working on a bachelor's) and I went to a vocational school for IT, so i know a good chunck of stuff about servers and OS's and any other IT related problems.
I decide to text him and he is wanting to know what type of books and videos he should look into if he wanted to get to know more about servers. He said he was looking into getting his MTA or MCSA certification for windows server 2016. As it turns out I just finished a semester on server 2016 so i knew exaclty where to start and told him what books he should get and gave him a couple video suggestions to watch and even sent him a link for an entire online class he can take for $10 to learn more about server 2016. After I give Jason the information that was it. I didn't text him after that or anything else.
The next day I'm texting my brother and I tell him Jason messaged me yesterday wanting to learn more about servers so I gave him some book titles and video information for him to look at. After I tell him this he gets all mad and tells me "you know my stance on it but you're gonna do what you want to do." The fight continued on with "you're my brother you should uphold it if i ask you to not talk to someone." I then told him that all I did was give him book titles to look into and that was it, I didnt casually talk to him or anything, I just gave him book titles, video suggestions and a class he can take. Jason's not dumb with technology, he used to be smarter than me back then but he's only ever learned the hardware side of IT. He never learned anything about the networking side or server sides of IT.
While me and my older brother continue arguing over text I tell him that all he wanted was some info on where to start. When i first started IT, I found it damn near impossible to find a place to start when it came to learning an IT subject and no one was willing to help me or even give me a place to start. (The IT teacher of my vocational school was a complete joke and my IT colleagues from my job were condescending and assholes if I even asked for help from them) It wasn't until I went to college and found my AMAZING IT teacher that helped guide me into finding the right places to start when I wanted to learn a certain subject in IT. Anyway we keep arguing and I keep telling him that all i did was give him book titles and ect. as to where to start and he starts saying things like "I would never help stanley (MY Ex-bestfriend) out for the rest of my life because of what you asked of me."
(Stanley is not his name and that is also a whole other story in itself)
We continue arguing when I tell my brother that I know what its like to want to start something new in IT but have no idea where to begin. I also told him that I promised myself a very long time ago that I wasn't gonna become one of those typical condescending IT guys that tells you to screw off or make fun of you when you have an IT related question, no matter how stupid the question might be. I told him even if we were fighting and haven't talked in years because of a fight that if you ever had an IT question that I would help you with it, even if we hated each other.
After I told him this he then says "I don't need justification from you, IT has always been more important than our brothership so you do what you want."
Now IT is NOT more important than mine and my brothers relationship so idk where he got that from and also, he has never even told me why him and Jason stopped being friends. One day he asked me to block him and I did without question but Jason still had my phone number. I at least told my brother the reasons I wanted him to block stanley and they were good reasons that I gave him. My brother has never told me any reasons why he and Jason stopped being friends or why I should block him, and when i did bring it up in the argument today, he said that he's "not arguing about this anymore" and he hasn't replied since. Brother told me one day to block him and I blocked him on everything, no questions asked. But Jason still had my phone number and thats how he was able to get ahold of me.
So am I the asshole for giving my brothers ex-bestfriend some information on where to start in an IT subject?
TL;DR: Brother gets mad at me because his Ex-bestfriend contacted me to get information on where he should start when it came to learning server 2016. Tell brother about conversation we had which starts a fight and he has not talked to me since.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
aq26qx
|
{
"description": "refusing to be a photographer for my relatives in their every events",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to be a photographer for my relatives in their every events?
|
To be clear, I am 18 and still relying on my parents for a living. My family is asian.
Last year, my dad bought me a nice camera which i really liked and had a lot of good photos with it.
At first, I agreed to take pictures of 2 or 3 weddings of my cousins with the reason to train my skills which I had absolutely no problem. But things get really uncomfortable after that.
I became kinda tired with the whole thing because I just wanna have some fun in those events not some kind of an unpaid photographer who stands alone in the crowd (Im sure that some of you photographers out there can understand this feeling). However, My parents refused to understand this.
On the first wedding they let it slip. But on the next, they started ranting that I was such an ungrateful and disrepectful kid etc and forced me to do what I hate. In the meantime, the angry me, unable to do anything, resentfully took just enough pictures and sometimes "forgot" the camera at home.
Its really stupid because all the weddings have their own professional photographers, and I was there, an amateur, being forced to do a job with no pay. My parents line of reason was that only I have the time to take group pictures of them and the relatives, which a phone can do just fine. It could have been better if nobody cares about the quality of my work, but they do.
AITA, guys? Im starting to feel that they just buy it not for me to develop a hobby but just so that they can have nice pictures.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
ar13gr
|
{
"description": "not meeting my new girlfriend's brother",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I don't meet my new girlfriend's brother?
|
She (32f) and I (28f) have been dating and it's still very new. I asked her out on our third date a while ago and she let me know she also made plans with her brother after me. She has a rule that partners don't meet her family until 3 months in, which totally makes sense. I get it.
She approached it really weird, but she said she also made plans with her brother so I'll meet him on our date night. I offered to postpone our date, she didn't want to.
Then she says we can't do any PDA, he only knows me as a coworker so far. I kept trying to ask why, but she beat around the bush, and I couldn't get a straight answer.
I also asked her a bit ago if she's ever cheated and she says in her early 20s when she was a bit wild. But she's been faithful for 6 years with someone else.
Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I've spent a lot of my life hiding who I am and now this amazing, wonderful woman comes along and asks for me to hide it from her brother. I just don't get it.
She is blatantly gay, you can tell by looking at her. So I don't think that's the issue.
I don't want to meet her family if I have to watch my actions, what I say, what I do.
I plan on asking again, straightforwardly tonight, "Why do you want me to act different around your brother?" But any answer I can think of just puts me off more.
AITA if I refuse to meet her brother and pretend we're just coworkers?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b7qbcz
|
{
"description": "not defending my friends from a crazy girl",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for not defending my friends from a crazy girl?
|
So I am very bisexual and in a relationship with an awesome guy I love (both 22). I do wish I could be with a girl on occasion. We decided if an opportunity came along we would go for it, but never seek a threesome out.
​
We were hanging out with our friends and met this cute girl (19) that was super fun. I asked our friends if I was reading into things too much, or if she actually seemed to be flirting with me and my boyfriend. They said it seemed like she was and that I should go for it. A week later I invite her to drink and watch movies with *only* me and my boyfriend. She was super excited about it over text. Unrelated to being an asshole, but accepting that kind of invitation seems kind of weird if you don't want to have a threesome right??
​
She doesn't have a car, so we picked her up and brought her back to our apartment. After she starts drinking she starts getting a bit crazy. She kept saying "fuck you" to my boyfriend, obviously as a bad joke. But my boyfriend did NOT like that and kept telling her to shut up and not disrespect him in his house. He gets along very well with pretty much every person he meets, so it takes a lot to make him angry. I ask him to just leave it alone because she was obviously joking and there was no point in fighting with her on it every time.
​
I end up blatantly asking her about the threesome. She said she could never do that with anyone and she is very straight, but she was having fun just hanging out.
​
We go to our neighbor's house to chill for a bit. She continues to say "fuck you" as a bad joke to our friends AND she begins being super loud, and kicking and pulling people around. There's no reasoning with this annoying and rude drunk girl. But my boyfriend begins telling her not to disrespect our friends and getting heated. I apologized to both our friends privately and they said they understood the situation. I begged my boyfriend to stop trying to control her and control himself instead. Their conflict was making my anxiety go through the roof. It was a bad situation: he just didn't need to make it worse. Our friends also were more compliant with her demands so she was less rowdy. They also got the hint it was one night and this was the best way to smooth things over. After a little bit I took her upstairs, put on a movie, I snuggled with her until she fell asleep before joining my bf in bed. We took her home early the next morning.
​
I just felt like because she had no way of getting home until we were sober enough to drive, she should have been treated as a guest. I wouldn't want to feel like I was stuck in an uncomfortable situation if I was drunk and with people I just met.
AITA for how I wanted to handle the situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
ZkULNnTCAPEMaVHorlx9ZzXQFehnvQzg
|
a1ngjx
|
{
"description": "expecting someone home at the time they'd tell me they'd be home",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting someone home at the time they’d tell me they’d be home?
|
My bf goes out sometimes, albeit not frequently, but we do live together and it’s usually on work nights for me. I like to know roughly what time he will be back, just so I’m not worrying if I wake up and realise he’s not there or something, especially if he’s drinking bc my area is trash and I like to make sure he actually gets a cab home as he drink drives quite a lot (ik, he’s a dick. I make sure he gets taxis now). Plus I wake up p early. He told me he’d be home the same as he was last time, which was about 10pm - 11pm - it’s currently almost 1am and I had texted him around 10:30pm to ask what time he thought he’d be back just so I knew. He was posting places all throughout the time and just ignored me until now but seems pissed off at me for questioning where he is. Not in a controlling way, just a general, where are you at kinda deal as I was expecting him home earlier.
AITA for questioning him where he is?? Is that a controlling thing lmao?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
R6GLRWOntVamdTA7RTCE1o6fmyzN5jsy
|
b7fkn3
|
{
"description": "not liking a guy but not straight up telling him to leave me alone",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not liking a guy but not straight up telling him to leave me alone?
|
I (13 F) am a 7th grader, and this year managed to get into the 2nd highest level of theater, it's fun but there's this guy, he is not terrible, but I just don't like him, he is an 8th grader and judging by his height is 14, for a lot of this I was 12 since I only recently turned 13. This guy was weird, for the first month he was fine, but before our first after school show, I was complaining about the fact that I was worried my lipstick would come off if I drank some water and have to apply it again. So he said " let's test that" and leaned down like he was going to kiss me, he didn't, but everyone, except him, was uncomfortable.
Ever since that I've been uncomfortable around him and just don't like him. He inserts himself in my conversations, and I try for the most part to ignore him and continue normally. He sometimes keeps me from doing what I need as a director of a scene for the biggest play we do, even though he isn't in my scene. I tell him something like " Go back to your scene dude, your directors going to be angry." but never "Go away."
I think it's clear from how I act that I don't like being around him, but I still feel like I'm kinda leading him on, in a friend way, if that's a thing. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
pj5ZpJOCzAiVSJo5WH61SGrD4SpB5yam
|
aesjmm
|
{
"description": "not pushing back through the crowd at a concert",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not pushing back through the crowd at a concert
|
So full context, my friend and I were invited to a concert by a mutual friend who had free tickets. I found out two old uni friends(who I hadn’t seen in awhile) were also going so I meet up with them and introduce everyone to each other at the venue. When the concert started my old uni friends wanted to move to the front and so did I cos I couldn’t see anything so I pulled my other friends along through the crowd.
We ended up getting separated by like two rows of people. So I’m with my old uni friends and I keep looking back to keep an eye on my other friends cos they aren’t moving forward and then at some point they disappear. So I don’t want to have to push back through the crowd cos I have no idea where they are so I stick with my friends who haven’t disappeared. After the concert finishes my friend (not the one who gave me the free tickets) , is furious with me and has a go at me and says something along the lines of ‘I don’t know why I expect anything from you’ and hasn’t really spoken to me for about a month.
I’ve apologised and have made attempts to contact them after the incident thinking they needed at least a day to cool. However after I messaged they about 9 days after it happened they replied ‘a break is what I asked’. I’ve made many other attempts to talk to them where I’ve called them and they said ‘it’s more of an in person thing’ and a couple of days ago I asked them when are we gonna have this talk and they replied ‘I don’t know’. AITA in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1nI74jM5j3yWaqJS1VyAJLGoKjnhvXtH
|
apdhjp
|
{
"description": "unintentionally hurting my s/o by not being aware of her core values",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for unintentionally hurting my s/o by not being aware of her core values?
|
Our long-tangled relationship is at a crossroads with where we are in life. Counting this time, it’ll be the 3rd time we have broken up and tried again. We started dating in Highschool. This went on and off for most of three years, with all the hurdles and challenges that one would associate with a relationship in this period. Based on our differences in university choices (which boiled down to a program which forced me to move every 4 months), and the seemingly overwhelming opinion of reddit, I decided it would be best for us to see other people. Looking back at this decision, I still think it was the right decision. However, this choice, along with several other actions that I made, conflicted sharply with her internal beliefs/core values. It would be several years before I would know this.
During the second half of our degrees, she contacted me again. At this point in my life, I had effectively committed myself to pursuing my profession, and from a lack of success in finding another relationship, stopped trying until after university. She contacted me when I was half way across the globe from her. But like we used to, we talked and talked, more and more frequently. Before we knew it we had developed a long distance relationship. After seeing each other on a bi-weekly basis for the remainder of the term, I had to complete another internship as a part of my program. Not to blow my own horn, but this internship was at a highly sought-after company in my field. Knowing this, I was fully prepared to take the offer for full time. She then conveyed to me that after graduation, she will move to pursue a career in another city, far from where I will be for full time. This was the second time we broke up.
After my internship ended, I received and signed the return offer. She contacted me again. This time she fully grew out of her shell in high school and made me aware of the times that I hurt her. Hearing these things made me feel an immense sense of regret and sadness. How could I have been so incompetent to not see that my actions conflicted with her core values? The thought of hurting her that severely brings about a great sense of failure and shame. For example, while we were dating long distance, I missed a scheduled call that we were supposed to have because I was working on a project. As soon as I realized the next day, I apologized and rescheduled for the night after. What I didn’t realize was that this act broke all expectations that she had of me in terms of dependability. She opted to not have any further expectations for me in this front so that she won’t be hurt again. She concluded, that this action was an active act of malice against her instead of my negligence. Does this distinction even matter? This one example generalizes to so many more. Including the act of our initial breakup after high school. What I thought was a rational choice/excusable temporary lapse in memory turned into a seemingly irreparable scar between us to this day.
**tl;dr:** Throughout the course of my relationship, I did several things that hurt my girlfriend unintentionally because they contrasted with her core beliefs that I was not aware of. Am I the negligent asshole boyfriend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
lTmSovf12BrOj22OR0gGqswrkEhCCuFS
|
azj63x
|
{
"description": "stop dating a woman for what I perceived as red flags",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for stop dating a woman for what I perceived as red flags?
|
I matched a woman on dating app, and all went well as we have similar interest on movie, TV etc. We even met up once beforehand and feel that we match.
However all seems changed on the second date. (This may be long) In the beginning of the date, she brought me a present for my birthday, and I was pleasantly surprised. We made some banter and joked that since my birthday already passed, she should save up on the next occassion, like Christmas. (Not yet relevant, but will be later)
On my chatting, she also let loose that she is passive aggressive and she likes to be. Things start to turn south when I think she starts to flaunting passive aggressiveness, such as "she may break up with me for bringing her to a bad restaunrant" or joking "she may be a man and I should break up with her" and quite a bit of taunting that I should, which I think is a bit over.
We were also getting a bit touchy, but suddenly saying that I'm no longer allowed because I brought her to a bad restaurant. I'm only allowed to touch her again if I bring her to a nice restaurant in our next date. She also said "I need to pay because I brought her to a bad restaurant", which I was planning to anyway because it is true that she was not enjoying it.
Finally when we said goodbye, she told me she's keeping the present for Christmas, as we joked before. I was very miffed by it.
So overall I thought that 1) she is passive aggressive and likes it, 2) she brings jokes way too far for me to be comfortable and 3) she leverages reward/punishment towards me. I feel altogether its just too much to deal with for a date I only met 2 times, and decided to call it quit. So, AITA for thinking these things as red flags and stop dating this woman?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 28,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
5fV7tczWfGCl3DOVjUmPhiOO928ZFgrk
|
a4xjwr
|
{
"description": "believing people shouldn't use the elavator for only 1 floor",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for believing people shouldn't use the elavator for only 1 floor.
|
AITA for thinking people should not use the elevator in the office for only one floor. I think it is wasting everyone times and make you look lazy.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
ehj8cNjbEeZwFBlaxzCNGtfmKKnZ5Pj8
|
aocuqg
|
{
"description": "not liking my gf's friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not liking my gf's friend?
|
Ever since i met this girl, i havent liked her. Our personalities just didnt match, which has created some small arguments between us. I also have been getting a feeling that she is somehow jealous of our relationship. Both the romantic aspect and the non-romantic aspect (the friend is bisexual). She is almost always ignoring me when our friend group meets up and when she isnt, she is insulting my abilities at games, my appearance, or the way i act. I have called her annoying in the past and, to be fair this was expected, it just made things worse. This might seem really cut and dry, but my gf gets along really well with her. I dont want them to stop being friends, however some respect would be appreciated.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
whzZyFGEAVj03VE57nTePLoKV9SGGe8J
|
b11u0s
|
{
"description": "not giving a two week notice",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA for not giving a two week notice?
|
I've been with my company for 7 years and after a whole lot of corporate restructuring, many managers in my position and above were eliminated. Our (new) regional had a meeting with me and informed me my position "is not essential" at my branch, and "I was lucky to still be here."
Hearing that put my last seven years of service to shit, and I've been stressed and miserable every day at work. I mentioned to some coworkers I'm going to use my cureent two weeks of PTO, get a new job, come back here and say it's my last day. No two week notice, nothing. They seem to think I'm being a butthole.
Would I be the asshole for quitting on the spot? My position is fairly hard to fill, the company has a freeze on hiring new employees, yet I was told I'm "not essential" so fuck 'em, right?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
8QH8wIErYAfVsEwfxH8dIhY7urib9dvi
|
b9oyst
|
{
"description": "wanting to change my behaviour and be on good terms with someone",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to change my behaviour and be on good terms with someone?
|
**I’m interested to see what others think of this situation. I’m not able to give an outsider opinion.**
Today I was made aware that a friend’s (L) boyfriend (H) was not very fond of me as a person. For context, we are in grade 12.
I decided to speak to H online. We just went finished our last day before a two week break, so it couldn’t have been done in person. I don’t like being on bad terms with people and so I like to sort issues out and find a resolution that benefits all parties - just my way of handling things.
H pointed out some things he wasn’t happy with, that I then replied to.
- My relationship with L is close. We are good friends and I used to smack her ass or hold hands entirely as a joke. She initiated some of it but it was never romantic (am gay myself). It was a large misjudgment on my part in how L handled this but I was never made aware of how she felt about it.
- Weeks ago a graffiti in the school bathrooms read that I was a “hypocritical gay who acts superior to hide behind his insecurities.” I was never made aware this happened until weeks later. The handwriting and medium pointed towards L writing it. I was confused, however she does a lot of impulse things and confronted her to see if she did write it and what her side of the story was.
- H said he was annoyed I stretch to get gossip from people, being nosy etc. My defence was, if people are having a public conversation and I’m sitting there in the group, of course I’m going to ask what’s going on and involve myself in the conversation. It’s weird to sit back and not be acknowledged.
- I joked often with L about her being bisexual. She admires a YouTubed who happens to be female and makes jokes about how she is attracted so I followed along. H said it felt like I was accusing his girlfriend of lying, which was not what I gathered from it. Again, not made aware of this being an issue and had no idea.
After discussing with H, I thanked him for pointing out things he isn’t happy with and told him I was going to evaluate and change my behaviour because clearly it is out of line. I recognised that and told him my intent to change but he seemed stubborn and unwilling to change his perspective.
Me: “I’ve clarified my side of the story and stated my recognition of wrong behaviour that will change. I don’t understand what more you want.”
H: “If we mingle together at some point I don't care, just don't expect a sudden conversation from me.”
Of course there a lot of conversation not included but the main gist is that he seems intent on viewing me how I /was/ and not how I /aim to be/. I want to change and not have this looming tension that he “doesnt like me sometimes”. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
S31t8KCFJHACq2opkL07KJC2q5W6xsp2
|
a6xrqo
|
{
"description": "getting kind of sad that my husband passes out sporadically",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting kind of sad that my husband passes out sporadically?
|
I am a grad student who just finished classes for the semester. My schedule is more flexible now so I sleep in and work late. During the semester I wake up based on my class times.
My so wonderful husband works every day during the week from 6am to 3pm. He is biologically set to sleep early and wake up early as a result. He works in traffic engineering, so his job involves him driving all around a big city all day. He is tired about 90% of the time.
We live 100 miles away because of grad school and work. Our main form of communication is Messenger. Sometimes he goes hours without responding to me. My first guess is he’s taking a nap, but for some weird (probably some wifely instinctive) reason I immediately get worried and think something bad happened to him. I do tend to fear the worst... I think of calling him but I don’t want to interrupt his nap. But I wish I wouldn’t have to worry so much...
I feel like I shouldn’t worry so much but I do... Maybe if he didn’t pass out on me I wouldn’t have to worry but I want him to rest after working so hard... Am I just worrying unnecessarily? AITA for wishing he would save me some worry by not passing out on me sporadically? I guess I’m just feeling a little conflicted...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
VW8BgqIDXsYh1yocWgeAFjCts2NGt6Ll
|
anh1tz
|
{
"description": "stopping payments on car my friend sold to me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for stopping payments on car my friend sold to me?
|
We agreed he would sell me his 2003 Pontiac Grandam for $900, with $400 down and the rest paid before 2019. This was in October, and a few of things have soiled my enthusiasm to finish the payments. I have given him $600 cash so far.
He said he would give me the mirror that was missing. He never did.
The window was missing, I found out upon picking up the car.
And the biggest issue of all: the title was not the title, but some other paper work. In order to get the title and the car transferred to my name, it would cost at least $200 (Florida to Delaware).
So without the title I could not sell it. And that was a big part of buying it, knowing I'd sell it soon after.
Neither of us know shit about cars so nothing malicious was intended on his part. Do I need to fulfil this verbal agreement?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ndsSXvnSrEdRVJ11p7MZELFz45UXUaFN
|
arld58
|
{
"description": "confronting a group of girls who were chatting shit about me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for confronting a group of girls who were chatting shit about me?
|
I (20M) am at university and in my 2nd year. Anyway my friend (20M) lives in a house of about 9 people and they always seem to be gossiping about people (my friend doesn't though...but the other housemates do, a mix of guys and girls). Their house usually host large pre-drinks/parties before nights out.
Anyway, a group of girls at this house (also our age) apparently were gossiping about me behind my back, which is what my friend told me. He said that they were saying that I was a weirdo and that I seem strange.
I'm not sure what I did for them to think that...I usually go to their house and socialize at pres, I asked my friend whether I've done anything and for him to be honest and he said he couldn't pinpoint anything. I'm not the only person they've gossiped about either.
I tend to get pissed off if people chat shit about me and don't have the guts to say it to me, so I shot up a Facebook message to the 3 girls in a group message and said:
> **I know you girls have been chatting shit about me...but if you're going to say things about me, at least say it directly to me...**
They read the message but didn't say anything. When I next went to their house, one of the girls came up to me and apologized...the other two just awkwardly avoided me...
I can be quite confrontational...if people say shit about me, then I will confront them. My friend thought what I did was a bit assholish and unnecessary, but I did what I thought I was right...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
jPEiZ33cwLkK26WL3t1cTjqtuJDDBYjf
|
b1jrae
|
{
"description": "expecting a cut of a referral bonus",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting a cut of a referral bonus?
|
My friend told me about this job and I put down her name as someone who referred me. After I got the job I learned that this is a $500 bonus for her for me staying with the company for a period of time. She told me months ago that she would split it with me but she hasn't mentioned it, and I think she hopes I forgot. Is it fair of me to ask for at least part of it, as I feel that that without me she would not have gotten it, and she is aware that I know about the bonus.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
rYbGa2opDXDkcpvuglUfdWgnMTBOQycx
|
aiksqy
|
{
"description": "lying to my family about my studies",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for lying to my family about my studies?
|
Some time ago I was seriously sick and ended up in a hospital. After that I found it extremely hard to focus on anything, my attention span was short and, to top it all, my IBS got worse at that time due to stress and I failed a few subjects.
During that time my family was having various troubles, some health-related, some financial. I didn't want to bother them with my own issues, so I've decided to lie about passing the subjects.
At the end of the year I didn't have enough subjects passed to go to the next year, so I ended up having to re-take the one I was in. I've told my family I'm planning on extending my studies to write a better thesis, while in reality I'm just one year behind where they think I am.
I can't bring myself to tell them I was lying. They have their own worries and I don't want to bother them with mine. Thus, the question: AITA for lying about my studies to my family? Should I have told the truth in the first place and risk putting the burden of it on top of their own worries?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
KN55HMl22uL1XniUoM0OUtwB07cpoji5
|
b9edo1
|
{
"description": "ghosting my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for ghosting my friend?
|
I know just from the title you can give an answer, but let me explain from the most neutral position possible.
So, my best friend has always been my go-to for entertainment, talking, and just chilling out in general. Recently though, I haven’t enjoyed his company in the slightest. I’ve already explained my issues with him in another post that (I later deleted because he stalks my reddit and found the post). But to be short, I don’t enjoy his company anymore, and I would like to remain friends, but just not nearly as close. I guess the word “ghost” isn’t accurate, I just won’t really make an effort to contact him.
(DM me if you want a copy of the explanation)
AITA for refusing to contact my friend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
Swy55rEvs52doFYPTWxrumiD22nzgmos
|
ayg4y4
|
{
"description": "wanting to ask my boyfriend to spend less time/even quit on his hobby",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to ask my boyfriend to spend less time/even quit on his hobby
|
Some info here, I'm 20f he 21m. We haven't exactly discussed this yet because I feel like it would be unfair to ask of him because he loves is a lot. But right now it's so time consuming I'm getting a bit mad.
So my boyfriend is a scout, he is in the oldest group which means that his group has to take care of everything without a lot of guidance.
He is the "president" of his group which means he has to get everything in order to make sure they can go on camp and do activities. He didn't exactly apply for this job it's just that no one else would do it and he was nice enough to take it on him.
This group exists out of 12 people from 18 till the age of 21. No one does anything to help him. Everyone is very unmotivated and is not doing their assigned tasks, this gives him a lot of stress. He has to get everything in order in the end but everyone had their own task and no one is doing theirs. I already told him that if no one is helping him than that would result in no activities and no camp. I thought he should be hard in this, he is also graduating and doesn't have a lot of time in his hands to get this all together.
He is also leader of the youngest group together with some other people. This is something he loves and I don't have any problems with this.
So now you've got some background. I myself have been a scout for a long time but quit because I didn't like my group.
So because he is president he has to attend meetings, the next 4 weeks he is at least 3 evenings gone and in the weekends gone. I am also studying and all those evenings gone results into me seeing him only 2 hours in a week.
He has so many meetings and weekends away with staff and kids that last year he skipped my birthday, I'm still a bit pissed about this.
So I did ask him if there was a possibility if he could give his position as president away but no one wants to take over and he couldn't miss a meeting. He is very dedicated but this is just too much, he is already set back at his study and has to retake a few exams and he is graduating.
Am I the asshole for asking him to maybe even quit or take a break from the oldest group? He is also talking about how he doesn't really like everyone who is in there and how the age gap is a bit big.
He has been talking about maybe quitting next year but he said that last year too and I don't want to push him.
TLDR: as president of his scout group he has to attend a lot of meetings which means he doesn't have a lot of time for me or his school. He is failing some classes already and it's taking its toll on our relationship.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
OQm649rwGtHAQcWEumnJxEUG23Bg57He
|
b9utqu
|
{
"description": "not wanting my partner to get muscly",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my partner to get muscly?
|
Long time lurker, first time poster here so I apologise in advance if anything is wrong here.
My partner (24M) wants to build his body muscle and while I support him in all his endeavours, this one puts me off. He's very sports and fitness oriented whereas I'm some scrawny, nerdy type guy.
I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with this but muscles are a huge turn off, I find them visually repulsive and I just don't like them at all. Both of us are scared it will affect our sex life, our attraction to each other (moreso my attraction to him) and I'm just scared it will be what makes or breaks the relationship because there has to be attraction in all aspects for a relationship to work imo.
I've offered (albeit reluctantly) to work out with him to see if I feel more comfortable but the prospect of it doesn't appeal to me whatsoever and actually makes me uncomfortable.
So, AITA? And if I am, what can I do to help this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
iSGCKASxkqxDNOOkn0I1csxZ6dMd8XEI
|
b3ndiq
|
{
"description": "snitching on my teacher",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I snitched on my teacher
|
Obligatory on mobile warning, so sorry for spelling and formatting
Anyway, my math teacher is quite something, I had him first period on Thursdays and missed the first 20 minutes of a 70 minute lesson because of a music lesson (the recorder btw, this is important later) and it turns out during my music lessons, he would make jokes at my expense to the whole class, and they were very inappropriate jokes, like jokes about me giving recorders blowjobs and handjobs, as well as sticking them up my ass
The worst part (in my opinion) is that he did this repeatedly, and I only found out the extent of it recently, when it happened over a year ago, and another student had recorder lessons that caused her to miss 30 minutes and there were no jokes about that.
Now obviously, jokes being made so publicly at your expense can be very damaging to self esteem and especially if you're not aware of them until after the fact, it was upsetting, to say the least and caused a downward spiral of negative thinking, but on top of all of that, he does the typical teacher shit like singling me out for talking when everyone else is, or when someone behind me is talking, which happens quite often (he doesn't look around he just assumes it's me) and this bastard has the audacity to call ME disrespectful when he yells at me for getting a 98 not a 100.
So, WIBTA if I snitched on him, potentially causing disciplinary action for his Inappropriate jokes or is that too harsh, am overreacting?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OMhFr9UBfJ7Ue4xujYmaueur7VnD5MmQ
|
9t7mrr
|
{
"description": "being sarcastic out loud during class",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA: Being sarcastic out loud during class
|
Let me explain here: I read another post about teachers so I wanted to look back on the past.
6th grade- During science near the end of the year, my science teacher was "doing fun stuff" so we didn't have to work. She couldn't take a joke when it required thinking. That's sounds douchey, but she tried to much.
So near the end of the year, she was speaking out loud, and she passed for a bit, after saying, "write down what you didn't liked doing in class this year". In my usual sarcastic manner, I said kinda loudly, but not quite, "Science". My friend next to me also said it, but I was taken outside for being "rude". I didn't want to listen to her anymore than I needed to, so I just said that I didn't mean it to come off that way. She also went on a tangent about my grade (which was a B, she must've been high it something).
In short, AITA for making a sarcastic remark about what the teacher mainly taught? It's minor, but eh- memory lane.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
NIucZjBWBLu67moblNzNxJV1ZWd672NI
|
a9t2bl
|
{
"description": "being angry that my husband's party guests stayed 9 hours longer than I wanted",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being angry that my husband's party guests stayed 9 hours longer than I wanted?
|
For full background, see my comment (I realized I went on way too long).
**Background TLDR**: My aunt and dad both died this year, and my husband was not as supportive as I needed him to be, putting our relationship on thinner ice than it was before (we have been discussing divorce/separation for years). We have been married six years.
Last Thursday I got about two hours notice before my ex, who I remained friends with, died. It was really fucking tragic, unexpected, and I was left in the position of telling a lot of people, because he befriended most of my friends the four years we were together, and I was the only one who knew he'd died, so I had to tell at least a dozen friends. It has been difficult.
In honor of my late mom and dad, I decided to put up my first Christmas tree (my mother loved Christmas), and host family gatherings. It was a big deal to me, because it is the first time I've felt ready to celebrate Christmas since my mother died. I invited my bio-dad's side of the family over for Christmas Eve dinner, and planned to have brunch for the remainder of my mother's family. But all my mom's family declined my invite, and my bio-father and brother told me they could only come for lunch on Christmas Eve. I was sad, because it really hit home how many family members have died, when only two wanted to see me for Christmas, and only when convenient for them. I felt lonely.
So I invited all my friends over for brunch on Christmas day. Most of them didn't respond. Only one did, saying she couldn't make it. I thought I'd have a quiet day with my husband, and maybe invite the neighbors over for bagels.
When I told my husband that no one was coming over on Christmas for bagels, he asked if he could invite some friends. I said "sure". He asked me when. I said, "11a-3p". We bought supplies to share bagels with a few friends.
We had a nice Christmas morning, and then my SIL and husband's friends arrived at 11. After eating, I watched some Doctor Who with my SIL, and my husband played a 2 player game with his friend. His girlfriend just sort of watched.
I was doing okay until 12:30, when a friend who I'd called on Friday to tell him about our friend's death texted me. "OMG! Did your ex DIE? What happened? My wife just saw memorial stuff for him on Facebook." So I had to explain the tragedy of his death again (and I don't even know all the details). I was no longer having fun.
I did my best to be a good sport. People kept coming over. I chatted. When I realized I was only talking about my dead friend and it was bumming people out, I moved to the couch and played with my tablet, and chatted with people on discord.
I got hungry at some point (3 or 4pm), so I threw the ham we'd bought as an easy meal into the oven, as all of the bagels were gone. While they played games, I cleaned up the kitchen, made cookie dough, and cleaned the kitchen some more.
I suggested an easy, multiplayer game, and his friend agreed to give it a try, but was a dick about it, and took all the fun from the game.
By 7:30 I was not feeling well, and wanted everyone gone. I had reached the limit of being able to somewhat successfully socialize. I texted my husband, "I'm not feeling well. Throat is sore. Stomach not feeling so hot. I am probably going to retire to the bedroom, unless everyone is about to leave."
In hindsight, I could have been far more direct. "I wanted this gathering to end at 4. Could you please ask your friends to leave?" I didn't do this because my husband wanted to get brunch with his friends the other morning, and I asked if he would stay home with me, as I was still reeling from my friend's death, and wanted his company. We determined that I'd resent him if he went, and he'd resent me if he stayed. I asked him to go. He stayed, leaving me feel like an asshole for disrupting his social life with my grief.
A little bit more context: due to recent events, I have stopped sleeping in the bedroom, and now sleep in the living room. I did not want to have to go into the bedroom; the living room is my bedroom. He knew that, so I hoped he'd say goodnight to his friends.
Instead they started making dinner plans that did not include me. Again, I hoped that he would use that to have everyone leave: they could all go get dinner together. Instead they called in an order, picked it up, and brought it back here. I pulled my husband aside. I told him that I couldn't socialize anymore, and if he was going to continue hanging out with his friends, that I'd go (unhappily) to the bedroom, and would sleep there all night: he could take the couch.
He agreed, and I made sure he had everything he needed (pillows, blankets, etc) before I said goodnight to everyone (it was now 10pm), and barricaded myself in the bedroom. They were loud, so I put on a Netflix show I like to fall asleep to. They were still loud as I fell asleep, around 11:30pm.
I woke up angry with my husband for, again, not respecting that my ability to socialize is less when I'm grieving, and ending the gathering at 3, like we initially discussed. I wanted some quiet time in the evening with him, and instead went to bed more alone then ever.
Am I the asshole for asking him to miss two social events (one in Oct, and one in Dec) to spend time with me while I grieve, and then asking that he kick his friends out after four hours? For letting my grief effect his social life? I've had a lot of people die this year, so I could see how it could be taxing on him.
Or is he an asshole for prioritizing socializing with his friends over being there for me when I ask? For not checking in with me at 3pm, when I wanted the gathering to end, and letting the party continue until 1am?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
F6smO2pgRRi1zPBhlYih8cKFo6yYxeTl
|
b7646v
|
{
"description": "keeping a bonus to myself",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA For keeping a bonus to myself?
|
A little back story about those friend and me vs bonuses:
We usually do the same job with three or more, in which one joins and he refers the others, because those jobs usually give a bonus varying between 50 and 200 bucks. I've always been fair at the deals we made, where the first person refers the others and splits each bonus with the person he got the bonus for. Which always means the first at the company needs to learn how the job is done, explains it to the others and gets 50% of the total amount for explaining and managing it all.
So a few years ago, I would refer 6 people, which would grant me 150$ per person, of which each of them 6 would get 50$, which basically means everyone would end up with 50 and I would end up with 600. After I referred the first(I'll call him Bob for now), I then explained the job to everyone. And then Bob referred the others behind my back, though I did the work for it. So he basically made 550 off me.
They basically broke the deal and soon after we didn't talk much anymore. Now with other friends I'm still having the same compromise.
I would explain everything to em and then refer the both of em. Each one would grant me 100 bucks, I then would split each bonus in half and keep 100 bucks in total myself.
Now the second guy, just told me he's gonna grt referred by the first guy I referred myself, after I explained everything. Normally I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. But the reason why he did this, is "because the first guy needs it for a big holiday", while I'm just working to finance my study.
TL:DR
I made a deal of referring two people, granting each of em 50 bucks and myself 100 bucks, then behind my they changed so one of them gets more. I now feel like keeping my bonus myself.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
B43ZPEErE2l7JAkTPtdD8Lqo4nNsEpbG
|
9t9aoz
|
{
"description": "ignoring my grandma",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for ignoring my grandma?
|
So last year my grandmother came to visit (she lives overseas and came by herself). She's the last of my grandparents and for the whole year she stayed with us, I ignored her, and only spoke to her If she asked me something. Now I feel bad because she moved back and I don't know if she'll be alive for me to see her again and treat her with more love.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
JKVKmoKU0nPFC7IkKbGgT6jCm3sxYuDz
|
azmbrk
|
{
"description": "firing my personal trainer because he wanted me to eat better",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for firing my personal trainer because he wanted me to eat better?
|
About a year ago, I was in an accident and was injured. After working with a physical therapist for a number of months, I was discharged. In addition to continuing to do my physical therapy exercises on my own, it was suggested to me that I also start strength training. Since I don’t have any experience strength training and don’t want to injure myself any further, I decided to hire a personal trainer.
I had consultations with a couple trainers and picked the one that I liked best. I explained to him that my physical therapist suggested that I hire a personal trainer so I can gain overall strength, especially around the area of my injury. At the beginning of our first session, he got my weight and determined my body fat percentage. That evening, he sent me homework to do at home and a nutrition plan (the same one that he sends to all of his clients).
During our sessions, he would ask me what I had eaten that day, what I was eating for dinner, etc. I would tell him and he would critique my food choices. I would tell him that I am not concerned about that at the moment and just want to get to where I was before the accident.
He would back off for a bit and then it would start again: “You should make better food choices. You’ll feel a lot better if we get your body fat down.” Again, I explained that I wasn’t here to lose weight, body fat, learn about nutrition, etc. and again, he backed off. After six months of this, I fired him.
I know that many people hire personal trainers because they want to lose weight. I know that tracking weight and body fat is a good measurement of success but that isn’t my focus. For the record, I started at a BMI of 21.5 and a body fat percentage of 28%. He was only concerned about my body fat, not my weight. Someone else I talked to about this said that I am a walking advertisement for him. If I don’t look good, he doesn’t look good.
Was I wrong for firing my trainer for wanting me to eat better?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
CHjW28V9QRs3Jp4pmpZdPr6IwJ7ntTkq
|
agsmte
|
{
"description": "talking to two girls at once and bringing one to my game without telling the other",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for talking to two girls at once and bringing one to my game without telling the other[making this for a friend]
|
Before anyone rags on me, **this story is not about me**. It is about my friend. I apologize if this isn't allowed, but he is convinced he wasn't in the wrong here so I decided to get reddits opinion about it.
​
Background: My friend is a nice guy who over the summer was talking to this one girl(**Female A)** and they had a thing going on. They weren't dating, but they were "talking". Before homecoming, they were still talking and she liked him a lot and I think he liked her aswell, but clearly not enough to prevent himself from doing the following. After homecoming, there was an afterparty which another girl(**Female B**) he was friends with was invited to, but the girl he was currently talking to was not. The girl specifically asks the girl who *is* going to the party(her good friend)to let her know if my friend hooks up with anyone. Lo and behold, female B ends up hooking up with my friend and she didn't even let her other friend, female A, about what happened and she only found out through someone else. My friend wasn't really apologetic because he claimed they weren't dating so it's really not a problem. This was in September and everything was fine about 2 weeks after that.
​
This takes us to Friday night. My friend plays on the varsity basketball team at school and they had a big game. He and female B have been talking since homecoming night and she really likes him, and he knows it. They go out to lunch together a few weeks before and everything thinks they're going to start to date soon. Well, my friend was actually talking to another girl(**Female C**)while he was talking to female B without her knowing. He decides to bring her to the big game and gets her a ticket. Female C pulls up to the game and sits right next to female B. Female B then realizes what's going on and she runs to the bathroom crying. Later that night, I'm snapchatting my friend and he sends me a picture of female C and I ask "new jawn?" because I figured he was just at a party or something and he went out to his car with a friend or something. His response is "I don't know what that means..." He is clearly joking, and I decided to drop it. Well, the next day comes and he has practice. Afterwards, he goes out to lunch with another girl(**female D)**, who happens to be supposedly friends with female C and one of two other people who knew about my friend and his "relationship" with female C. She knew about the situation all along and didn't tell anyone about it, which very much angered female B's friend group, which she was previously(not after this weekend)apart of. Female D believes she did nothing wrong and had no right to tell female B about female C, yet female B and her friendgroup believe that female B was a much better friend to her than my friend was. As for my friend, he claims he did nothing wrong because they weren't dating. He doesn't think he led her on, and really didn't apologize for anything. In fact, he got mad at me for not taking his side in all of this. I believe he is in the wrong, but I wouldn't tell that to him because we're pretty good friends.
​
The jist of all this is: I want to know who is the asshole here. Is it my friend for what he did? Is it female D for not telling female B about female C? Is it both? There are a lot of conflicting opinions at school about this, and while many of you may be thinking this is trivial high school drama, it's basically been the discussion of our class for the past two days and I'm in need of unbiased opinions.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
f24N1bgo4jDZhawfp7U70J8Z3HiYZ0zF
|
a01bsy
|
{
"description": "being frank with my so about her threats of suicide",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being frank with my SO about her threats of suicide?
|
I posted here roughly two months ago with a story about my girlfriend. She had some serious issues, threatened herself and I called the police and had her committed to a hospital.
As I said, it’s been two months now. She briefly improved and tried to work on herself but never did anything but blame me for more problems for committing her. Recently she’s been backpedaling and threatening herself again.
Last night I had enough and said “if you don’t stop threats and begin getting real help by December 15th we’re done. Period” and she gave me this long speech about how I just cut the last string she needed to off herself. I contacted her family and let them know I didn’t dump her but I wanted to see change or I couldn’t let her keep me up at night any more.
She took it as a break up and is now sending me rude, threatening, and frankly sad texts, but I’m not walking back.
Should I have handled this differently? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
yJExAULHKqFSFs3agEArQ820NImMXrWr
|
ayfdf7
|
{
"description": "going over to a guys house that I was just friends with and leaving early because I felt awkward",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going over to a guys house that I was just friends with and leaving early because I felt awkward
|
Warning ⚠️ long post
Okay so this was sometime last year but I still see him at school and can’t help but feel bad/annoyed. My friend has recently started speaking to him and I don’t know if I’m making a big deal out of nothing.
We’d been speaking quite a bit and I wanted to make new friends after starting a school not knowing anyone. He’d mentioned wanting to watch a film together so I was like yeah sure I’ll come to yours one day after school and that was that.
Walking to his house he started talking shit about people that we were friends with and that made me paranoid about what he said about me but I let it go because I hadn’t known them as long as he had. Arriving at his house he let me know his parents wouldn’t be back a while and I was like sure whatever.
This guy takes me to his room to dump my stuff and goes into his bathroom to get changed whilst I sit on the bed. I sit there waiting and can see nails (as in toe and finger nails) on the floor which makes me feel a bit ill because it’s unhygienic or whatever.
So he comes back in and let’s me choose a film which I think is really nice and am happy to choose. He gets on the bed and tries to get me to lay down with him but I refuse and he tried to pressure me some more but gives up when he realises I’m not going to. Everything is fine whilst we watch the film and I’m like okay maybe I was overreacting.
The film finishes and he wants to go downstairs for food, he offers to make me something and I decline as I’m not hungry and feel it would be rude not to eat something if he made it. He’s pretty upset but let’s it go. Next he puts on a song that I recommended to him and asks me if I’m not going to dance. He wanted me to dance for him?! It might just be me but I found this incredibly weird.
I decided to leave early and was waiting for my lift. When I let him know he out on his ‘sad music’ playlist and starts talking about how sad he is and then just sits with his back to me until I leave.
I message him about how he made me feel like shit and he only said that he’d done nothing wrong. He’d been treated like shit before and he hasn’t treated me that way.
I thought he was really manipulative but I still think I could’ve handled things differently. So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
5J4xA13ypZqfh5VMatxnzg8SPs8ZQOTj
|
al9oqd
|
{
"description": "not forgetting about the traumatic event",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not forgetting about the traumatic event?
|
I live with two housemates, both guys.
A little over a month ago, there was an incident where my housemate threatened to kill me. To explain in brief, he furious when I decided to not listen to him talking about a sensitive topic about me so he pushed me and told me that he can easily kill me at that moment. It was very... very traumatizing event for me.
Now, I’m still not over it. I have troubles coming out of my room because I might see him. I also don’t feel comfortable just staying at home, so I’m usually outside most of the day. But my housemates seem fine. I talked to the housemate, who I’m fine with, about the incident that happened and expressed that I’m feeling uncomfortable and anxious from that incident. But my housemate was kind of frustrated because I am still not over it and everyone else is. He told me that he knows that nothing is going to happen (because he is friends with the incident housemate) so I should just not worry about it too.
Am I overreacting about it? No matter how much he tells me it’s going to be okay, I can’t help but feel anxious and scared.
Please let me know what you guys think.
If I’m lacking details, please let me know.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
9WBHK0lbtEGUJB2OcFzb1LxWhHmrRQtn
|
at5ne9
|
{
"description": "playing Uno rather than working while our teacher was gone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA/ Are we the assholes for playing Uno rather than working while our teacher was gone?
|
To add some context, physics Uno is a form of Uno that me and a few other friends created that has a bunch of random rules that we normally play during our work time in physics. So now that you know what it is Ill begin. Yesterday we had a substitute teacher who was given fairly vague yet clear instructions. We were told to complete a survey, teach ourselves a new concept, and finish an old lab that required said concept. However, our teacher failed to give us access to the material because he forgot to put it on google classroom. Since we didn't have the work, we decided to play Uno the whole block instead. We did email him letting him know that we weren't able to do any of the activities. Earlier today we got an email saying that it was unacceptable that we were playing Uno the whole time and that Uno is now banned from our class as well as any other form of card game. Are we the assholes? Just for context, nearly the whole class was playing, 10/14.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
vz7yb3SMTYuUb4R6YaDxV2mEAeheniij
|
aeintb
|
{
"description": "being in my room during a party",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being in my room during a party (alone)?
|
My family had a party at our house about two weeks ago. They invited a lot of their friends. Two families had boys who were close to my age. Let's call the one I don't like B and the one I am okay with A.
As soon as I greeted everyone who was coming, I went to my room and shut the door. I was watching anime with my two friends online. I didn't come out of there at all. B and A were outside the whole time until A left and B was just sitting at the table. I didn't invite them inside my room.
I don't like B due to the pain that he caused me. We used to be very good friends and talked a lot. However, any time that someone "cooler" than me was there, he would always ignore me. As soon as they left, then he would be with me again. This pissed me off again and again, but I always forgave him. He was my friend. I told him that he was acting like a jerk every time someone cooler was there.
I'm introverted, so I don't have much friends. The friends I do have I cherish very much and it would hurt me to lose them. He was one of them. I didnt want to be a second choice, so I decided to drop him (which hurt me a lot).
My mom thinks that I'm the asshole, even when I try to explain this to her. She is forcing me to be friends with him and I don't want to return to the situation we had before.
AITA for ignoring B?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
sJH1Nau4LxD3fMsp3cjPXhXly38uYDwO
|
b06pl9
|
{
"description": "wanting to contact an \"ex\" after 1 year of no contact to try and make her realize that the breakup was unnecessary",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for wanting to contact an "ex" after 1 year of no contact to try and make her realize that the breakup was unnecessary?
|
This is gonn seem like such a damn shitpost, but I need to know.
I met a girl on an online game where she sent me her contact details because she really liked me. Within 3 days, she confessed that she thinks she loves me and I kinda freaked out. Eventually though, I started liking her so much that I reciprocated. We told each other everything, things that neither have ever told anyone else. I made her feel incredibly comfortable, even sexually.
Mind you, Im in Australia and shes in South Korea.
*Important Detail: she has chronic depression and considerable self image issues.*
Almost 3 weeks go by and she blocks me out of nowhere, claiming that Im too distracting.
I contact her a month later on her birthday letting her know that I am happy to wait for her, Idc how long it takes. She says no because she doesn't see it working at all.
Her reasoning included immature things like "but we broke up it never fucking works it always goes to shit"
She eventually confesses that she used a fake picture and that "i lied so much I can never be truthful to anyone I only put up an image said person would like"
Idk what % of her she lied about but goddamnit I didn't love her for her pretty face or the fact that she seeked help after her drug abuse. I loved her for the way she talked, her ambitions, her sense of humour, her kindness.
She also said shit that I refuse to believe such as "I dont have any feelings for you" bullshit. Shes trying to make me move on I fucking swear. No one moves on that quickly.
Of course that fucking destroyed me, but after we parted again I took time to think about it. I decided that she doesn't need *judgement*, she needs to be *understood* and learn to love herself. I told her goodbye.
I know think it was the guilt that made her make her choice.
Her intentions dont strike me as malicious, I don't think I got used as something to fill the void either.
But our connection strikes me as really rare and I feel that most people just dont get lucky to find someone who they mutually respect, trust, all the while having incredibly good sexual compatibility etc
She had so many issues and flaws and I saw past it all and still saw her as perfect.
I want to message her on one of her social medias in December or January. Idk how to proceed. All her social media has the same username so it took 2 seconds to find her.
But I really want to get in touch later. I need to tell her that I wouldve accepted her as she is and that we can be happy. I am seriously not going to get so lucky again and IF the break up was due to something that warranted it I wouldve moved on but its not - we're young and stupid, but a year will clear our heads, especially hers I hope.
I feel like I am right. That I know what I am talking about. I am not settling. The grass is NOT always greener and Im not going to pretend Ill find such a strong connection like this again easily if at all.
Am I the asshole for pulling such a stunt?
Tysm :)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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}
|
WRONG
|
S8RdsT3TurA74CtDKb3WlJD6UuEEFDMJ
|
a3qguw
|
{
"description": "wanting to spend NYE apart from my boyfriend's family",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to spend NYE apart from my boyfriend's family?
|
Hey everyone. Just looking for some outside perspective here.
​
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost two years, and he is amazing. I love his family as well, and we spend a ton of time with them, which I am generally totally fine with. We go out to dinner at least once a week, have family dinners at his mom's house every Sunday, and spend every holiday with his family. Last Thanksgiving, we traveled out of state to spend Thanksgiving with his extended family, we spent 16 hours with them last Christmas (and two with my family in between), New Years, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, 4th of July... Every single holiday is dominated by his family and what they want to do. I never complain, but I have expressed to him that it bothers me that all of our holidays are centered around his family while mine takes a backseat. A couple of weeks ago, his mom unexpectedly asked if we wanted to go out of state to see his family for NYE this year. We got home that evening, and I explained to him that while I really appreciated the invitation and I love his family dearly, I would really like for us to spend one holiday doing what \*we\* want to do. I wanted this ONE holiday to be ours this year. As much as I love spending holidays with his family, it would be so nice to start making our own traditions and being our own people. Of course holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving will ALWAYS be centered around family, but it's New Years. It is not a family holiday. He agreed that I was right, we do spend every single holiday with his family, and that we needed to start taking a breather to be our own people sometimes.
​
Fifteen minutes later, he re-approached me and basically said "Look, I don't want to disappoint my Mom/family, I'm going. You can stay here if you want, or the offer is still on the table if you want to change your mind and come with us," and there was never any real discussion about us not going, just about him going without me or me going despite not wanting to do so. I told him that I felt like he was being incredibly dismissive of my feelings in order to appease his family, and that I didn't feel like he was even making an attempt to empathize with me or understand. This is the first holiday I have EVER asked to spend apart from his family, and he's unwilling to budge at all. I get that adult relationships are about compromise, and I am willing to do so, and DO, all the time. This is the one time I have ever asked him to do the same with regard to holidays and he never even considered it.
​
So, Reddit, AITA for feeling this way? Do we both suck in this situation? We are not fighting about this anymore and have already hashed it out, but I would love to know if I am at least justified in my feelings or if I'm being totally unreasonable.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
tRVEVbtUwFq4lcFUAGdKDgJ8BUX2yuXl
|
ay3gh4
|
{
"description": "getting my cousin fired",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting my cousin fired.
|
So I went out with my cousin to a bar. She works with my little sister at a behavioral therapy center. My little sister was just recently within the year diagnosed with autism on the high functioning end. Feel the need to state that my sister is — although I would never refer to her this way normally— is my half sister so she is not related to my cousin. And my cousin just started working at the center where she goes to. I asked my cousin to go out with me for food and some drinks and then she said that her coworkers would come along. And they came along. But before they got there my cousin started talking about this kid that would hit her in the face. He was also autistic. Saying that if he were her son or nephew that she would hit him back. And then when her coworkers got there she started retelling the story saying that it was a struggle because you know “we can’t leave marks on the kids” and it was unnerving because non of them disagreed. Naturally I told my mom what all happened and what was said because my baby sister goes there.
They fired her and she has deleted me off multiple media’s.
Along with all of this my cousin tried to walk out on the tab shorting the server $25. And I ended up happening to foot the rest of her bill and paid the tip for the rest of the table because the server made it apparent that none of them tipped him at all. And I am a regular at this place
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nyhXJJJWcCVhPLGZHS9nbwOIFmmkxW1j
|
b4x7sr
|
{
"description": "leaving a 50 cents tip",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving a 50 cents tip?
|
This was at an airport restaurant.
My flight was at 2:30pm and I as always, decided to reach the airport a couple hours early and go through the check in and security process (because I’m paranoid like that and don’t want to miss any flights).
The cost of this comes in terms of me having my lunch at an airport restaurant.
So I go to this restaurant that looks good. Went in, nobody came to host. Normal for some of these airport places. I don’t mind in the least, I walk in and find myself a table and sit myself there.
5 minutes in I’m handed the menu and I pick a quick salad and a salmon. Price? $30. I sigh and it seems so expensive but I’m super hungry at this point and just want to eat and catch my flight.
I got a call at some point just after ordering and I casually noticed the time. Then began the waiting.
15 minutes in I finished my water and waited for a refill or for the lone server at this point to come so I could request for more. At this point two ladies seated near me are getting super restless as well because they seem to be waiting for a long time as well.
The server tends to them at which point I make a very polite call and the guy, assumes I’m just getting restless because of the wait and quite rudely, tells me “it’ll just be a moment”.
Attends to the ladies, never gets back to me. I try getting his attention a second time, no avail. The guy disappears for another 15 minutes not to be seen at all.
35-40 minutes in and I’m slightly restless and annoyed at this point. Only 15 minutes left for my boarding to begin. Finally the server appears with my food.
The food is the epitome of disappointing letdowns but I know it’s not the servers fault. However I did order no sauces/glaze on the salmon but obviously that’s not the case (happens at most places and I have learnt to get over it)
I finish my food in a hurry (5-10 mins?) and wait for the server to come and bring the check. However the server is nowhere in sight.
I finally get frustrated enough to go stand at the host counter and wait for the server to appear. When he does I ask for the check.
Once I get it, I have absolutely no doubts in my mind at this point to how bad the service was and how the guy didn’t deserve any tip.
I left 50 cents just to make a point though.
Am i the asshole for the 50 cent tip here?
I’ve never worked in service Industry and am honestly looking to see if I did something wrong here
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
t20pKma2Yp3unD721tzj6LO929yogjSO
|
b5p3nc
|
{
"description": "wanting to get a personal trainer",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to get a personal trainer
|
My mother is adamant on me not getting one as it 'wastes money'. Thing is, I'm not using her money. It's my own savings from the part time jobs I've been doing since late December.
To her, I'm wasting my time and money which I could be using for other stuff(??)
I explained to her why I wanted a personal trainer and the benefits, but she was kept on telling me that 'they are just stealing my money'.
I know personal trainers cost a lot but I managed to find one within budget, a close proximity to my home and I'm willing to stick to it (also did a one day trial already)
My whole plan to get a trainer is because I want to lose the fat and become fitter. Heck, my cardio and stamina is shit. Is it so bad that I want to become more healthy and fit? She says I can do it at home and honestly, I already tried to. Totalled up to 3 days before I lost motivation. That's why I figured I needed someone to boost my morale up and keep me moving.
Apparently, she told me that she HAD signed up for a weight loss class but NEVER showed up. How's that my problem? I don't mean to come off as rude but if she never actually tried it, can she actually judge it?
Because of this, we've been arguing about it for a week. She even said I was stupid for wanting to sign up and that nothing will change.
So AITA for wanting to sign up or like is she right in the sense that yes, I am spending a butt load amount of money to have someone help me workout etc?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1tXSNsyTa6deZZxVp3HhFocjAutJraWa
|
at0gvh
|
{
"description": "not thinking I should have to tip almist everytime I go out",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA because I dont think I should have to tip almist everytime I go out?
|
Hi there everybody!
Some backstory, I am a cashier that works at a fast food chain establishment, so I have a pretty firm understanding on just how crazy and exhausting interacting with people can be, even if it's just at work. Anyways, whenever I go out to various Dinners, I don't feel that my waiter deserves a tip, now don't get me wrong, if the waiter was exceptionally good I will happily leave a tip. But!
I personally think that if a waiter is underpaid, they should be talking to their employer about it, instead of expecting tips. In the same way I would be expected my employer for a raise sense I'm usually tight on money. I as a cashier get paid the same rate of pay as a waiter does, minus tips. So I'm usually pretty tight on money, therefore I try my best to conserve as much money as I can. Am I being a cheap a**? Does this make me an A-Hole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
2jePBOssfGXNqtQHya2fFZnIio0wgl4a
|
afrgro
|
{
"description": "using the word faggot",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for using the word faggot
|
I was at a party the other night, and a friend of mine suggested inviting a particular person, who we’ll call Mike, to the party. I’ve known Mike for a couple years, and he’s generally an asshole. As I was relaying this to my friend, I said that always calls me a faggot. This prompted a girl sitting nearby to immediately call me out and tell me never to say that word. I just sort of ignored her and continued on with my conversation, thinking that was the end of it.
However, after the party, she posts on social media about how I’m an asshole, and how she’s “lost all respect for me”. I attempted to explain to her that I wasn’t using the word derogatorily and that it made sense in the context of what I was talking about, but she responded that the context does not matter and that I shouldn’t be saying faggot regardless. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
iTICH3eacywvu6hsiCH9Eg0osCltiT0s
|
aqp0mv
|
{
"description": "refusing to put money towards a \"farewell\" gift for a person I haven't worked with or seen in over a year",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I refused to put money towards a "farewell" gift for a person I haven't worked with or seen in over a year?
|
About a year ago I left my job for a new one. I haven't really stayed in touch with many of my old colleagues, just a select few.
About 2 weeks ago I received a text from an unknown number, saying it was Girl N from X workplace and she was inviting me to a farewell dinner for another ex coworker. I thought it was a nice gesture as I would be able to catch up with the old team, so I said yes.
Since I said yes, she has been texting me constantly asking me to put money towards a goodbye gift for this other girl.
There are a couple of reasons why I don't want to. The top (salty) reason being, when I left the job, I got invited as an afterthought to someone else's goodbye party like "oh yeah, you left like 2 months ago didnt you! Let's make it a joint party" and didn't get so much as a thank you let alone a gift.
Second reason is more reasonable, I feel. I haven't been paid for the last 2 weeks and I won't be paid again until next Friday. She's only asking $10, but at the same time....I only have $30 and some cash to last me a week.
So, WIBTA if I refused to pitch in for this gift, but still attend the dinner?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
3Rgo9ERjNXjM2sJNSn4tfEnDEbmPqwWO
|
9x7vt3
|
{
"description": "refusing to talk to my friend and making her sad",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to talk to my friend and making her sad?
|
A few weeks ago, my friend told me she liked me. We were “seeing each other for about a week until I found out she had changed her mind and was into someone else. We stopped talking until I was over her because she had moved on. We started hanging out again recently but I realized I’m still not over her and told her I can’t talk to her until I am. Her friends are telling me she’s getting depressed and I need to just get over her. AITA for not being over her yet and not talking to her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
rWo2rlnVTqV2nOleXudJeOwDqgp2hFja
|
ad91nt
|
{
"description": "not going to a friends funeral",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I don’t go to a friends funeral?
|
I met this guy a while back while playing baseball in our youth but bonded more in our first year of college. He was a great guy that everyone really enjoyed being around! He always had a good time and just overall was a good guy. That’s why his suicide definitely took everyone by surprise.
We haven’t seen each other much over the years because we were just doing our own thing but every time we did run into each other it would be just like old times and then we’d go on about our lives.
I have the utmost respect for this guy and I don’t want to feel guilty about not going but I grieved the day I heard and am still trying to comprehend it but I just want to move on. For a small community that I live in we have experienced a lot of tough losses over the last couple years and I just don’t want to be sad anymore. I’m in my mid 20s but I have already seen 4 friends laid to rest for various reasons and this will be 5. So I’m sure anyone can see how rough that could be.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
fq1FKdNTM8kUe53NyaXRbhvnT3O1jWxh
|
a6kqfg
|
{
"description": "not saying \"I love you\" to my so",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not saying “I love you” to my SO?
|
My SO and I are long distance, have been for a year and a half. We talk almost everyday together, so saying we love each other is very frequent.
Last night, I just ended my first day of an extended road trip, and fell asleep before telling him “I love you” that day. I woke up to a slew of messages about how terrible and inconsiderate I am, despite telling him I love him everyday for 1.5 years?
Full disclosure this same person cheated on me, blamed me for it, and has not addressed the cheating since I agreed to take him back. In all honesty I’m considering a break-up, but really, AITA???
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
FgiGUQgH4M3wPiOrrXFdjsY41xUAPyLP
|
axcf2x
|
{
"description": "being angry at my boyfriend for asking for space",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA- For being angry at my boyfriend for asking for space
|
Ok so for context, me and my boyfriend are long distance, so all this was through Skype. The other day my SO and I were spending time together and things were really good he was happy and we were chill. He fell asleep so I just layed there with him until he awoke.
When he woke up he was withdrawn and quiet and wouldn't talk to me. He left for uni later and texted me a short while after that he was sorry because he hates hurting me or making me sad, he asked me not to text him and to give him space for the next couple of days because he
had things bothering him. I did.
So after a couple of days he called me saying he was sorry and he missed me. I tried to get him to tell me what was bothering him so much, but he said it was something to do with him and it isn't my problem.
Now a day after this I feel distance and still upset and confused about the whole thing. I told him I feel like he will disappear on me and that he makes me anxious because I do not know what he is feeling, that he can be fine one minute and then a moment later be upset. He doesn't understand why I feel that way and says that's just "how he is" and that I should be fine with it saying we should go back to normal and I have no reason to mad.
AITA for not getting over it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
8hsEInjRNw0ur8dlSbft6d0navp08NJr
|
atoxlu
|
{
"description": "uninviting someone to dinner because she is a vegan",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
WIBTA if I uninvite someone to dinner because she is a vegan?
|
I've been talking to this cute girl for a couple weeks and yesterday I invited her to a date, eat something then go to a movie. Today I asked her what she thought about salmon and she said "eewww I would never, ever eat fish". Don't get me wrong, my best friend is vegan, but I don't think things would work with someone that is.
Ps: Please don't be rude, I am just trying to make the best decision.
Ps2: Sorry for typos, English is not my primary language.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
Ba8QHD21bhS6juEIkE0MDNKSlOC7Vi0f
|
9yv3kg
|
{
"description": "indirectly saying no to my friend's roommates to come over",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for indirectly saying no to my friend's roommates to come over?
|
My best friend is coming over to my place for a week. Another of my friend told her to bring her friends too if she wants. There's not enough space at my place to accommodate everyone (her 2 friends) apart from her. And I have lots of project work to do too, which I cannot if so many people are staying at my place. So I hadn't even mentioned or suggested bringing her friends. I am not very enthusiastic about it but I don't want to sound rude too. I mentioned that I will have to arrange for extra mattresses and stuff, but I don't know how to say no.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
z4qzDzwhfnASPvWS2ssTN4jLRGzqFdJl
|
a84tw3
|
{
"description": "recording two girls making false rape allegations",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for recording two girls making false rape allegations?
|
At school I overheard a conversation between two girls about a guy who had cheated on one of them. One was mentioning that the other girl should report the guy for rape. And that she should bruise herself to make it look like he has been hitting her. Knowing how dangerous these sort of accusations are I recorded the conversation on my phone. I know this is an invasion of privacy but I had to do something. Should I send the recording to the guy in question or a teacher?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
aU16kZM2kv4z45NlfZKmx7OuqR54vdBK
|
b7or1r
|
{
"description": "not wanting to move in and take care of my fiancé's little brother",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to move in and take care of my fiancé’s little brother?
|
This is a whole long list of drama so I’ll try to keep it short. My fiancé and I have been engaged for a little under a year. Recently his mother died and his father was never in the picture to begin with. He has a younger brother that is about to turn 18. His mother lived about 45 minutes away from us. She died recently and we’ve been staying in her house with his younger brother.
My fiancé wants us to move into his mother’s house permanently and take care of his brother. I’m just going to be blunt and say that I’ve never liked his brother. He’s rude, into drugs, a total klepto, and sometimes even violent. He’s been in and out of trouble with the law since his early teens. I can’t see how any of these things will get anything but worse now that his mother just died.
My fiancé told me that I’m his family now as much as anyone and if I really don’t want to do it, he won’t force me to. He just asked me to really think about it, that it’s his brother and he’s almost an adult now so it wouldn’t be forever. The problem is that it wouldn’t be a short period of time either. He doesn’t have a job or plans to go to college. As far as I can tell his plans are to just keep getting high and drunk and pissing as many people as he can off in the process.
We are just about to start our lives together, I really don’t want to start them off like this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
NMMngrmlQVVmKIPVbElT1IrqIcRn2oz4
|
b4beec
|
{
"description": "not wanting my son calling my dads girlfriend \"grandma\"",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA? I don’t want my son calling my dads girlfriend “grandma”
|
My dad and his girlfriend have been together for about as long as my son has been alive. A little less than 2 years. Tbh, it’s not that I don’t like her. It’s just that she’s not his grandma. Everyone is getting so offended that I don’t want my son calling her grandma, but at this point, I just don’t understand what’s wrong with just her name??? Is that so wrong I just want him to call her by her first name....
I don’t even mind her being a “grandma figure” or whatever. She’s just not his grandma. It would be like me calling her mom IMO.
Also a little back story. They have told me my son has been calling her “Mimi” which is something that I know they have prompted.... even after I have stated multiple times that he can call her by her first name. He can say her name just fine so it’s not an issue of pronunciation.....
AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
mMGT34wXy7TaYvAI0z3Bx9UhK7zIkPjc
|
aop79v
|
{
"description": "wanting to play my own game",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to play my own game.
|
Notice: This was about seven years ago so it might be a bit of a fuzzy memory. I acted a little childish back then since I was 7 so don't say that I am being a child.
I was at a day care once and a lot of people would bring their own board games. I decide to bring my new Lego board game (you know about those?) that was exclusive to Europe which I had just gotten back from and before this I had carried some firewood for money. We went to a store and I saw the game and had half the money possible to buy it and my mom agreed to get it for me if I paid the half I could. At the daycare we all decide to go to the retirement home to play with the old people just down the street. We had already gotten permission from our parents. I set up my game then go to the restroom. My brother didn't hold my seat so someone decided to come sit in my seat. But now you might be asking "oh OP, why not sit somewhere else at the table." That was my original idea but there was no where else at the table to sit. I tell person, who I will call Rich, to get out of my seat. He said he was there first, which was objectively wrong, and my brother backs me up. Rich proceeds to tell me, "It's not your game," which is also objectively wrong and my brother informs him that I paid for it. Rich looks at the box and says, "You don't even meet the age REQUIREMENT," which is true. It had a age suggestion of 8+ but does anyone pay attention to those? It was sort of a lie but only halfway. Rich refuses to move so one of the teachers (or whatever the daycare equivalent is) has to get involved and Rich still refuses. I am forced to play other games.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
1u0Mo1AmkeUXVL15mBflASH6a7J5Jf1k
|
agop31
|
{
"description": "wanting my two roommates' live-in girlfriends to help out with the bills",
"pronormative_score": 60,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting my two roommates' live-in girlfriends to help out with the bills?
|
I'm a college student and I live in a house with 3 of my male friends. Two of my roommates have girlfriends that basically live here. They stay here every night, they eat our food, use our wifi, drink our beer, use our shower, etc. I've jokingly asked them if they're going to chip in on the rent and other bills a few times. Their excuse is always that they don't actually live here so they shouldn't have to pay. To me it seems unfair to split the bills between 4 people when there is 6 people living here. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 57,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 6
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 60,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
TIftENjnfdYoc7ZswZseezVbTwBql4wQ
|
ayr6ws
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend not to spend so much time with her friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend not to spend so much time with her friends?
|
My girlfriend, “Sam” (I’m 24 and she’s 23) and I have been together almost two years. She is very bubbly and outgoing and attractive (obviously!) and so has no trouble making friends, especially with guys.
I have never said anything up until now about who she hangs out with as it’s not my business however the other day I finally reached the end of my rope.
I have had a suspicion that one of her good guy friends “Luke” has had feelings for her for a while now. He is always calling her, texting her, wanting to spend time alone with her, etc. My suspicions were confirmed the other weekend when we were all drinking and in a drunken state he confessed to me that “I was so lucky to have her” and that he wishes he could have her instead of me. Pretty sure he went to go puke after this.
I was a little unnerved after this and I pulled one of my Sam’s friends aside and asked her if she knew anything more about Sam’s and Luke’s friendship and I told her what Luke had just told me.
She basically shut me down and told me to “stop being such a prick” and to trust Sam. This makes me even more suspicious because of there was nothing going on there, I wouldn’t expect that kind of defensive response.
Well the other day I confronted Sam about this and I asked her if she could perhaps not spend so much time with Luke (for obvious reasons) and her other friends who seem like they are encouraging all this stuff to happen.
Sam told me I was being a “controlling asshole” and that “I didn’t get to tell her who she could and couldn’t hang out with”. She accused me of always “pulling this shit” and that I should trust her to handle the Luke situation by herself.
I told her that she wasn’t being respectful of my feelings and I slammed my hand on the table and said “When he tries to fuck you, don’t forget I told you so”.
I just walked after I said this because I didn’t want to escalate the argument any further.
This was two days ago and between work and the argument, we have barely talked to each other.
So AITA for asking her to not spend so much time with Luke and her other friends?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
wUzyMYNmE8PtSNZgymSYFhrIklsTilTf
|
ajm2zb
|
{
"description": "blocking my alcoholic brother because I can't take the mind games anymore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for blocking my alcoholic brother because I can't take the mind games anymore?
|
He's my older brother, I am 51 years old...so we aren't kids. And yet I've had to hold him up, be his rock through all of his bad times, take care of him. I'm talking HOURS on the phone so he can relieve our childhood and talk about our alcoholic/abusive mom (something I've made peace with decades ago and don't want to rehash), talk about his gorgeous daughter who is 22 and yet he hovers over non stop and complains that she can't be independent and how he thinks she is fucking up, talk about his ex wife, current girl friends, how much he misses our dad (passed away almost 8 years ago), work...EVERYTHING! And yet whenever I tried talking about things in my life and need an ear he cuts me off, tells me to put on my big girl pants and grow up. I have 2 boys with autism and when he drinks he says autism is not real, it's all bullshit, I need to be stricter, toughen them up, etc. Anybody who knows me knows I don't coddle them, if anything I ride them harder because they need to learn to adapt for the world, not the other way around. They are good young men and we've worked very hard with them over the years and at times it was horribly tough with one of them, but I couldn't talk to my brother out it because he would just say, "Fuck that autism bullshit!". It's hurtful and meant to hurt me. Should I just accept his horrible behavior because he is drunk and keep letting him apologize when he sobers up?
Lately he has been lying, creating made up stories to cause fighting between family members. I've called him out on it all, and he's admitted to it but then becomes a horrible prick..saying hurtful things one second and saying he loves us the next.
I really think he needs professional help, I can't be that person, I'm not qualified. I've told him exactly that too, but it goes in one ear and out the other.
I finally just blocked him tonight, it's too draining emotionally and he is becoming angry and mean and I can't take it anymore.
But then I worry because he says I am the only person he can talk to.
So now I'm wondering AITA for blocking him? Am I being selfish? What if he does something stupid, will it be my fault for blocking him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
TSumnHNUGOeAFrgnmYsaHEiIH0uWnX0Z
|
a34ao7
|
{
"description": "wanting a nice Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting a nice Christmas?
|
So, I love Christmas (Like most people) And I always want to have a nice Christmas. I always like getting and receiving gifts, - and my mom does too - but my dad is the opposite. He had a (no other word to describe it) Shitty childhood - and so the effects rub off on him. All he did was go to church (so he hates church now) He had no birthdays or Christmas because his 5 kid family was too poor (So he hates holidays) And he never got a childhood dog so he just randomly decided to get a dog one day, putting stress on the rest of us. And I'm not saying its his fault for having a bad childhood, but I feel like he doesn't have to make me and my mom feel bad about holidays as well just because his childhood was so poor during holiday times. So he hates Christmas and does this weird sabotage thing where he spends too much money on stuff we need but can get it at much cheaper, and then ignores bills. So near Christmas we don't have much to get or do during Christmas. It pisses me off that he can't let us have a nice day. My birthday was Literally just me sitting at home chilling, and I got little to no gifts besides a mug from my mom. Whatever, I don't care much for my birthday, but I want Christmas to be the time where I get gifts and I get to GIVE gifts to my family, But of course, We can't, because
1. my mom does all the Christmas shopping and my dad is sabotaging it (she doesn't work)
​
2. I can't buy many good gifts because my parents don't like driving me to the bank and I only have about 20 dollars in real cash right now (I have more then enough to buy them gifts, but they'd have to drive me to the store, bank ect. and I can't have them all there so I have to go with one of them to get each other the gift, and again, My dads being stupid about it.)
​
And 3. My dad is too busy with bills because he set them off for months.
​
AITA here or is my dad being unreasonable?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
i6vFq50HI0bfjjJAdBTAxjkWhTi5O3KU
|
aw103r
|
{
"description": "backing out of plans with my gf because she wanted to go an hour later",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for backing out of plans with my gf because she wanted to go an hour later?
|
The conversation I will be talking about took place yesterday (Wednesday) for time reference. I bought annual passes to universal studios for me and my gf a while back and have been meaning to use them. Our schedule allows us to only have 1 day of the week to spend a full day at universal studios. Unlike my gf I prefer to take advantage of this free time while she likes to sleep in and start the day late. Now we had planned to go to universal studios today (Thursday) and I had mentioned wanting to be out the door no later than 9 am. She tells me she has a test on Friday and would need to somehow spend time preparing for it. Now we had prior plans to go out for Wednesday trivia night and she said she would have to stay up till 3 am that night to study after trivia night and would like to leave at 10 am rather than 9 am. Now my gf is the type of person to never follow anything I say exactly and would often think that I am being controlling. I suspected she said she wanted to go at 10am because she said it herself and it was a time different than what I had proposed.
​
In all honesty an hour difference wouldn't of mattered to me but just the fact that she needed to stay up at 3 am made me rethink plans to go to universal studios at all. If she could she would sleep in as long as she could so I know that staying up till 3 am means its very unlikely for her to be out the door by 10 am let alone spend a full day at universal studios. I asked her to stay back from trivia night to spend some more time studying so we could still leave relatively early while she also gets more sleep, but she had already told others she would be there. I then told her we should just not go at all to universal studios and we started to get into a fight. She says I'm controlling for not wanting to go at 10am but she didn't see the real reason for why I didn't want to go at all anymore. There's no point to go if she's just going to get tired early on in the day. She did the usual breaking up with me, blocking me, getting her things from my house and here I am spending my day off alone not knowing what's going on in our relationship. Am I the asshole?
​
TL;DR Had plans to go to universal wanting to leave at 9am, gf has test to study wants to leave 10am, I say lets not go at all cause she has to stay up late to study the night before.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
OYWECwNdx3gHQeIh4Iqqfzr9gssq0nk4
|
aqgyp8
|
{
"description": "having 2 valentines",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for having 2 valentines?
|
I'm using a throwaway account for privacy reasons.
I'm (F15) and I game on Xbox pretty much everyday. It's no secret that the main Xbox demographic is male, so naturally I receive a lot of attention. I have a friend on Xbox that I've known for around 7 months. A few days ago he asked me to be his valentines. He specified that it wasn't in a "relationship" way and that it was just for fun. With that being said, I agreed to being his valentine.
So today at school this other guy I know asked me to be his valentine as well. He's a really sweet guy so I decided to say yes. I didn't see a problem with this because my Xbox friend specifically said that it wasn't in a relationship way. It's not like I'm cheating on anyone, I'm a single individual. Also, valentines day is literally one day out of the whole year. I told one of my close friends about this and she said I'm deceiving both of them.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
yMDIbiyTDqX7xUsxfe1nauFv28coPBsC
|
b9ttcl
| null |
AITA? Mom gets mad at me because I asked my dad for a little favor
|
My mom is ALWAYS shit talking about my dad because he doesn't pay child support as much as he is supposed to, was never really involved in our lives, and never really treated her right. I asked if he could paypal me $20, and he did. My mom had previously told me not to count on him for anything, so I feel like that might make me the A-hole. But my mom is constantly complaining about him never supporting us, or buying us anything nice, and the second I ask him for something she gets mad. I'm pretty sure she's getting jealous, because SHE wants to be the #1, supportive, caring parent and not him. But I can understand if I am the A-hole, because I still deceived her, and was dishonest. This isn't the first time this has happened, either. My mom was taking a really long time to pick me up from school, so I just called my dad instead. She lost her shit, and I was genuinely confused why, because all he was doing was a little favor.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
l1RdaamQ9R9etqTOA4EyJp4KqFhal38I
|
b0ns8w
|
{
"description": "not wanting to sublet our apartment over the summer",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to sublet our apartment over the summer?
|
My fiancé and I will be moving across the country (Philadelphia --> west coast) for the summer for his MBA internship. The company he is interning with gives interns $2,000/month post tax to spend on living expenses (i.e. rent). The area of the west coast we will be in is pretty expensive and we will likely end up having to pay close to $3,000/month or more, meaning we are likely still looking at paying 1,000/month out of pocket.
Here is where the debate comes in: He wants to sublet our place in Philadelphia over the summer and I do not. We are currently paying $2,400 here in Philadelphia so we would likely charge in the ballpark of $2,300 for the sublet with a refundable deposit of $1,000. I understand that this would save us a ton of money and we’d also likely come out of it with a profit by the end of the summer, but I just think subletting is way too risky and not worth the hassle. We would leave mostly all of our belongings behind with the exception of the clothes we take with us and perhaps renting a storage unit to put valuables in over the summer.
Maybe I have been on the Legal Advice subreddit too much, but I am very afraid of having a stranger move into our apartment for 3 months with all our belongings. What if the subletter decides they don’t want to leave at the end of the summer? What if the subletter causes damage that costs more than the security deposit? What if the subletter doesn’t admit they are a smoker and we come back to an apartment filled with cigarette smoke? What if the subletter steals from us and we do not even realize it until they are long gone? To be honest, it also just weirds me out to have a stranger living in our apartment for 3 months sleeping in our bed, using our furniture and kitchen supplies, and having our clothes still mostly still left behind. It also just feels like a huge hassle to be completely honest and I know I would mostly get stuck with figuring out all of the logistics of the sublet (I work a full time job).
So what do you think – am I an asshole for depriving us of saving money and instead costing us money over the summer because I do not want to deal with a subletter?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
r3wMzI9uYADmy2AhSx9ZXaGHcPABNnwI
|
b0xr3m
|
{
"description": "parking wrong",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for parking wrong
|
Kind of long but I would appreciate any insight.
I go to a state college and live at my fraternity house off campus. I had to move my truck, which I am trying to sell, out of our driveway for a day and so I parked it in a lot right down the street from our house. We live pretty far off campus and usually use this lot for overflow parking because it's always empty but very recently the college designated this as a campus lot. As I pulled out of my drive, my truck died in the street. Stone dead battery. I had a friend hook up a tow strap and we dragged it to the lot. I come back from class a couple days later and find it gone. I call the campus police and ask them about it and they say it probably got towed. I go to the garage where it is and they charge me $460 to get it back. Because I was selling, I had taken off the plates and removed insurance/registration. I had to get it towed back to my house because it had no plates. Another 200. This was in February in New York. There was a ton of snow. The flatbed could not get up our steep driveway and was forced to put it in the same lot. This lot also has a steep drive to get out of and he barely got out after. My 4x4 was broken at the time and, that night we got another ton of snow. I couldn't get out of the lot with all the snow and only 2 wheel drive and wouldn't have been able to get up my driveway. I met with the campus police chief and explained my situation and he basically told me it wasn't his problem and I had two days to move it. Physically, this was impossible and I couldn't get out of the lot. Two days later, I get towed again. Another $460. I decide to have it towed back to my home two hours north. Garage charges me 45 a day to have it parked behind their shop while I wait for the 500 dollar transport. All in all cost me 1700 bucks. I've been bitter with the garage for charging college students outrageous fees and the campus police for having zero compassion for my plight.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
oVFvhWYo4CXu4pZStb6dsD7zdRKXvM3i
|
az5zhe
|
{
"description": "still being upset at my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for still being upset at my best friend?
|
Six months ago I moved 11 hours away from my hometown. My best friend who still lives there has been planning to visit me for a few months, but always rescheduled the dates. I eventually offered to help pay for a ticket for whenever she could come, and she said okay. We kept trying to plan but something always came up with her so I gave it a rest.
Finally she settled on dates in Feb to visit with her s/o. They were going to drive. We'd gotten further with this plan than ever before so I also took off work, planned the itinerary, and spent about $200 on groceries the day before their arrival. Everything was in order for weeks... **until the day before**.
Her s/o plows snow in the winter for his job but didn't request the days off work. He just gambled it wouldn't snow while he was away. So the day before they were supposed to arrive, she told me that his weather app said it **may** snow during their stay here, meaning that her s/o would have to work, and they couldn't come.
My weather app said no snow, so I remained optimistic. I suggested they get up early as planned, check the weather, and let me know if they’re coming. She agreed.
The day of, I woke up with no messages. I texted and asked what was going on. She answered 1 hour later saying that they just woke up. She said she woke up early as planned, but her s/o did not. I asked why she didn't text me or wake up her s/o. I **did not** get a response to these questions. Another hour later, she told me that his weather app said it would snow. They officially canceled. At this point, I was upset that:
1. Her s/o did not request off work
2. She waited late into the day they were supposed to arrive to tell me they weren't coming
3. I've been trying to help her plan a trip here for months
I told her this was not planned well. She defended her s/o entirely. I asked why she didn't text me that morning as planned. She did not answer. We went back and forth for a little while, just upset, and then she stopped responding for 3 weeks.
3 weeks later--a few days ago--she texted me for the first time:
>"I love you but you got too upset over a canceled trip. (Her s/o) doesn't plan his work schedule around when we feel like going on trips. You were inconsiderate about my side and I was upset too. But I just want to get over this and be friends again."
This is where I want to know AITA because I did not respond in a friendly manner:
>"Firstly, you haven't talked to me in 3 weeks. Secondly, he offered to drive you guys down here. I did not ask him to work around 'our trips.' I want to know why he didn't request PTO on the chance it wouldn’t snow in winter. Thirdly, you were supposed to text me in the morning of and let me know if you were coming. I feel like you knew you weren't coming but entertained me into the next day. I can't believe you don't get why I'm upset. I don't know how I feel about being friends right now."
That was our last text exchange and I haven't heard from her in days.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
pWnMbZwWpXw9bVVrmSvLx2LGkmP1CWur
|
b7c5a6
|
{
"description": "complaining about old people",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for complaining about old people?
|
English is not my first language.
Because I have a fulltime job and go to school as well, every weekend I go to the library to do the following weeks readings. Today a couple (F60, M 70 maybe) came to the library as well. They were discussing some class material and they were talking at a normal voice tone. I wasn’t next to them and I can hear the whole conversation. It make it harder to concentrate and understand my reading.
I wasn’t the only one who look at them with anger. When I had enough I complain about them to the librarian who proceed to talk to the couple. The guy next to me looked at me and ask if I complain about them and I said yes I did. He look at me like I was a bitch and continue his reading. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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