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a3py7h
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{
"description": "asking my mom to stop whistling at my bird",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my mom to stop whistling at my bird?
|
Today I woke up to her whistling to my bird (who has a room in the basement with plenty of toys, food, water, AND a tv) for a few minutes until I finally got out of bed and went downstairs. When I came back up, he flew off my shoulder and took a lap before colliding with a window. I was very frustrated (although I was calm, you could hear it in my voice. I did not yell.) and I asked her to “please stop whistling at him from the upstairs, it riles him up, it encourages him to scream for attention”
A couple things: I’ve asked her to stop this at least four times in the last 3 months that I’ve lived at home. She has allowed her cat to “train” her (rewards for knocking things over and feeding him from her plate). She is a manipulative woman who doesn’t work or go out. We aren’t close because of years of emotional abuse. She loves to be the victim. About a year prior, she gave away the last bird I had because she was mad at me.
In short, I do have a lot of pent up aggression towards her.
She immediately started crying, saying that she was just about to go down and be with him, she can’t do anything right, she just wanted to be nice to a lonely animal. Her argument is that she was only doing it for a second and she was planning on going downstairs.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
f4JqIi2dgG3inioMG01TN8DV1oA1EEPm
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aixsno
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{
"description": "feeling smothered by my generous friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling smothered by my generous friend?
|
AITA for feeling smothered by a new friend I made 6 months ago?
​
Sorry for the length in advance, I just want to make sure I don't miss any important details.
In July 2018 I (F 32) started seeing a new hair stylist, Pablo (M 36) who I initially thought was gay. He's very flamboyant and metrosexual, we bonded quite easily and I made the mistake of saying that I thought we might have been best friends in another life. It's not long before he mentions his GF, Lana (F 28)... now things start getting a little weird. Pablo tells me that right before him and Lana started dating he had been in a very serious relationship that was heading towards marriage, when the girl suddenly ghosted him with no explanation whatsoever. He goes on to tell me that even though he is 100% committed to Lana, he's not over what happened and he just hasn't really been giving it 100% (yikes, but I decide not to judge him because I've had my heart broken too and know what it feels like to be trying to move on)...
Soon Pablo invites me to hang out with him and Lana. We link up for happy hour, I meet her and she is really sweet and wonderful. I like her a lot. Now Pablo and Lana start inviting me out more and more as well as paying for me (even though I wanted to paying for myself), first it was weekly then progressively more and more... I have a really busy schedule and pretty full life, so I'm just not available that much and can't hang out as much as they would like to.... I'm actually relieved when the holidays come because they finally let up on asking me to hang out as much.
Now during this time I actually think things are getting better and our friendship is balancing out... WRONG! Pablo messages me and tells me to go to the \*\*\*\* (expensive clothing brand) website and pick out my Christmas gift, anything I want! This makes me feel a little uncomfortable because me and my friends don't spend that much money on each other during the holidays and I usually do home made gifts, so I pick out something very modest. We meet up before Christmas to exchange gifts (I made them a thoughtful couples gift) and everything seems pretty good... Then a few days later he sends me a picture of a second gift he has gotten me.... Okay, what? WHY??????
Now I'm asking myself if Lana knows about this? Pablo gives me the impression that she does know because he bought her the same gift as me plus more. So I start asking if I'm just not used to someone being so generous towards me and if I'm making this into something it's not???
I decide to ignore my gut feeling and not get all weirded out by it. (I've never been comfortable accepting gifts from men because in my experience they take it to mean I want something more.)
Jump forward to about a week ago. I'm in for another hair cut and Pablo brings up the gift thing... he goes on about how he usually spends so much more money on his friends, and that my gifts were so cheap that's why he bought me two... okay? Then while I'm getting my hair washed Pablo says "Do you know what I like about your body? I love how curvy your hips are and that you're not fat." I just feel like this is too "friendly"....
I should also take this time to say that I am in no way sexually attracted to Pablo. I think he has a really cool personality and we get along really well as friends, except that I think he wants to hang out too often and is too friendly sometimes.
Now I start confiding in my best friend and she says that is completely inappropriate and disrespectful to his GF. I agree and decide its best decide to talk to his GF about it next time I see her. So, the next day Pablo invites me to hang out with him and Lana, I agree. We end up going to a concert a day later and there's just no good time to talk to her... Plus I ate something that wrecked my stomach. I was in so much pain by the end, I told them I needed to go home and didn't feel well. They said that they were going to go hot tubing and that if I felt better I should join them. I told them the chances of that were basically non existent. I go home, take some tums and crawl into bed. as soon as I'm snuggled under the covers I get 3 texts.... 2 from her and 1 from him... both basically saying "we're at the hot tub, when are you coming over?"
Now at this point, I'm getting really annoyed. I reply back "My stomach is wrecked so I'm taking some tums and going to bed." Lana replies to "Feel better" and Pablo replies "Damn! You still look good though! Coming back out tonight?" I didn't reply and I put both of their numbers on do not disturb mode. (also no this is not a group text, they both message me separately... her not so much, but him like everyday.)
I'm also starting to realize that Pablo has my schedule memorized. He messages me the next day "Good morning!"
"Morning." - Me
"Going to the gym today?"-Pablo
\-\_- (my face) "I'm here now." - me
"damn! I wanted to go with you!" -Pablo
\-\_- I start getting annoyed again and don't reply.
"Are you off tomorrow?" -Pablo
"Yes, but I have a completely full schedule already."-Me
​
..... okay, so He knows what days I go to the gym, and he knew I was working that day, so asked (already knowing the answer) if I was off tomorrow.
​
I honestly don't know If I'm the asshole for not wanting to hang out every god damn single day and blowing this out of proportion and Pablo is really just a nice, generous guy?
.... Or, if Pablo has a secret crush on me or something?
​
If I am the asshole... how do I say in a nice way that I have a life of my own, with friends and family that I want to see too and that I don't want to see them everyday? I've told them before that I'm not a very high maintenance friend and that I don't need to text or see people THAT often. I also feel like the more often he tries to see me the less I want to see him. I like having space and time to myself, and I am very, very close with my family and see them at least 5 times a week. Plus I have best friends I've known for 10 years that I prefer to see when I get the chance.... I have also told them this in a nice way, and I just think it is selfish of them to try and bogart all of my time. They stress me out and annoy me when they ask me my plans every single day and then want to invite themselves to do things. Sorry, but I am a serious gym goer and don't want distractions. I spend two hours at the gym and have a set routine.
I definitely feel like the asshole here, but 'I also feel like he is becoming obsessed with me or something... i really don't know.
Please help!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
k37kSgiP0aExJCQgbiKuHH3B2mHxsQUn
|
a361cq
|
{
"description": "not sending a classmate the homework",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not sending a classmate the homework?
|
Basically we have a packet where we collect all worksheets and handouts from the entire duration of the class. A classmate asked me if I could scan the handouts and send them to her. I said yes of course without hesitation because I really do want to be helpful, however later I found out the professor is using these handouts as a means to assess attendance and we are being graded on having the papers as opposed to filling them out. I feel that if it’s graded on completion then I’m just providing her with the opportunity to finish them, but this way it seems like cheating. I later sent her a long text saying I was sorry but I didn’t want to risk sending her all the papers because it could get us both in trouble. Also as there are 25 scanned pages it’s very obvious to tell that these are not the original and were scanned and sent by me to her. I feel sooooo awful because I feel like I have ruined someone’s grade and I have been feeling unbelievably guilty for days because I feel so obligated to extend my help to people all the time and it is killing me that I said no, especially since it may not be a big deal at all? I would have sent it in a heartbeat if I knew it is being graded based on completion but I feel that it’s not the case and our professor is strict and specified that it is for the purpose of assessing attendance based on how many hand outs we actually have. But it may also get us both into a failing position but I feel that it’s rather unlikely that the latter is the case.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
q01Lm9fDjNxd4GZVtGozoNrh34XxZGc3
|
aonfi7
|
{
"description": "holding a car for someone on Craigslist then selling to someone else",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for holding a car for someone on Craigslist then selling to someone else
|
I have a guy on craigslist from another city away who said he wanted to come on Saturday to pick up my car. We only spoke through text but we did agree on a price $500 less than my asking. Somebody else hit me up on craigslist who is local and came in at full asking. I sold it to the second guy.
My reasoning is this is craigslist. People flake out all the time. There’s a chance the first guy could’ve seen the vehicle in person and then tried to lowball me. I figure I would get the money while I can. Cash talks.
Am I the asshole for going back on my word? I didn’t take a deposit or anything.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
GjpWA51bsUXVBmHmY17Ux5XLf0osmT4r
|
a4b1b0
|
{
"description": "playing along with work banter and calling a girl \"loyal guard dog\" for willing to protecting her so",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for playing along with work banter and calling a girl "loyal guard dog" for willing to protecting her SO?
|
So a bit of backstory, at my workplace, anything goes. Everyone is really playful with banter, you wanna throw something across the store? go for it. Wanna shout to the bakery person "Hey, Masturbater" (nickname for the master baker) sure thing! wanna literally tackle each other and call each other pricks/cunts etc? Knock yourself out!
​
So anyway, my supervisor, who's the most playful and full of fun banter, known for jumpscaring people and trying to hand you stuff, dropping at infront of you and walking away, he tells me his SO is coming in the store, and she's more brutally full of dark humor and harsh banter than anyone in the store, talking up some pretty big game, so I think it might be fun.
​
She comes in and hears that we playfully throw soft things at each other and fake hit each other all the time and she gets protective in a way like "only I can bully my man" kinda attitude and I play along and say stuff like "it's only self defense" and "I just give as good as I get"
​
So it's coming a bit forward in to the day and we're chatting, my supervisor throws something at me so I say "is that so" and walk behind him to fake kick him in the ass, his SO jumps inbetween us with her fist raised as if to say "do it and I'll punch you" and we both know it's only banter. I then say "Oh hey, looks like you've got a loyal guard dog on your side" and everyone bursts out laughing except for her, she goes red in the face and starts getting aggressive because I used the word "dog" even though I meant it in a positive and banterish way.
​
AITA for assuming she wouldn't freak out at a non-negative context "loyal guard dog" because she was willing to fight for her partner, even though everyone said she's more brutal and doesn't get bothered by anything?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
D0mgQfdENBfAQiH0KvAegRuowv3jEpsL
|
b78ni1
|
{
"description": "causing a scene and thinking my husband was cheating",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for causing a scene and thinking my husband was cheating
|
So there's a little backstory with a neighbor that is single that has my husband do her favors, fixing sink, carrying heavy things ect. I have never talked to her and she doesnt really look at or respond if I say hello in passing most of the time, and if she does its a short hi.
This started when I was out of town for a few weeks he did them some favors (The neighbor, her mom, and her son) my husband visited with them and was telling me how he joked with the neighbor and she told him some pretty personal stuff. I thought it was strange for them to talk about private stuff but just mentioned it to my husband and moved on.
This week again I said hi and she didnt engage in conversation with me or look at me moments after talking to my husband. So the last few says I've mentioned it a few times to my husband that I feel a little hurt and think its odd she has never talked to me, but does with him.
Anyways tonight I went to lay with my daughter to get her to sleep and my husband said he was coming to bed in a bit but was having some drinka first. At around midnight I hear him moving around and about 30 minutes later I go to see what he's up to, he is gone. I call his phone over and over and look all around and know he didnt drive after drinking.
I go to see of hes in our shed and hear his voice at the neighbors house, I called his name and said it was shady he wasnt answering his phone and then went back inside, expecting him to come explain.
He opens their door and then closes it so I call more and then finally decide to go over and see whats going on.
Well at that point I was sure something was up because this is not like him at all to ignore calls ans texts. So I basically stomp up to the door and knock and asked him why the hell he wasnt answering his phone.
Well he opens the door and I comment that it reeks like weed loudly, but see he is visting with the grandma and young son and talking about household related things. As I was realizing that, I was saying it was inappropriate he was over there at midnight ignoring my calls. I wasnt yelling but was definitely angry and assertive.
When I saw that it was innocent I said I was worried he didnt answer and why did it reek like weed with a kid right there. I walked away and he followed and is embarrassed and said I hurt his feelings. His phone was in a hoodie pocket so he didnt realize I was calling.
I just cried and said sorry for embarrassing him and then came to lay down to gather my feelings. I feel embarrassed but also still a little angry because I've mentioned her ignoring me and I was starting to feel uncomfortable
So AITA for making a scene on their porch and thinking the worst was going on?
TLDR; husband disappeared to the neighbors at midnight and ignored my calls, I thought he may have been cheating and made a scene. He was really just visiting with the grandma.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
PKWQBpcvBThE28OtoC6JXV6iKjX7BGeW
|
ba7dyn
|
{
"description": "telling my husband & SIL to stop the \"passive aggressive\" jabs at my brother & I",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I told my husband & SIL to stop the “passive aggressive” jabs at my brother & I
|
I feel like I know the answer to this but thought I’d run it past the community anyhow. My family spends a lot of time w/my brothers family & on a recent vacation together my husband & SIL bonded over making fun of my brother & I. It was actually funny but as time went on it got a bit annoying - no big deal though. Now though it’s morphed to being mean spirited and just an excuse to get a shot in at either of us. Small example: if either of us disagree w/my husband or SIL the response is now “Well that’s typical for ‘the jerk family’”. So WIBTA if I told them to knock it off or do I just grow thicker skin & suck it up?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EXzScOIbUxTrLgcEJ34uxAnQclSF1aK8
|
a22kh4
|
{
"description": "tailgating/honking at 'Christmas lights drivers'",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
WIBTA for tailgating/honking at 'Christmas lights drivers'
|
Christmas is almost upon us and so are those assholes who drive their car with their kids through the streets at half the speed limit while admiring the scenery.
As a delivery driver I have places to be and often get chewed out for being late and these guys don't help. Would I be the asshole if I try and speed them up?
Context: I live in a small town in Australia and typically every 1 in 5 houses has Christmas lights, but some streets are known for having all their houses participate, which attracts slow drivers who are too lazy to leave their car and walk through
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
gGbUFf4GfEv3L5o9XhSyUTuHeoXG1o2W
|
ax7tfd
|
{
"description": "not inviting my friends on a spring break trip",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not inviting my friends on a spring break trip?
|
Alright, to start this out, I’m a college kid in my first year. My classmates are all going off on crazy adventures for spring break so I was thinking I should go out somewhere too. I got the days off work and was thinking up destinations in my price range. So I asked my friends, “hey, where should I go off for spring break? I’m thinking maybe New York or Massachusetts”. And then they went off on me. Started with basic “oh and you didn’t invite us?” And I thought it was all jokes. Turns out it wasn’t.
They started saying how “we talked about going on a trip to New York like a year ago” and “kinda sucks that you didn’t even ask”. Now, my friends could never afford this trip. It’s not super expensive because it’d just be a couple days, but they literally just got a new house and they both owe me money, so they’re in no position to be going on vacations. That’s why I never bothered asking them in the first place, I knew they couldn’t say yes even if they wanted to.
I apologized to avoid it being a bigger issue, but I can’t help but think that I shouldn’t have had to apologize for not inviting someone to a small getaway trip. But then again, I’m not quite sure because I have a hard time understanding social situations.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
CearHcXNY1gxInrOhriT52DUO80yJl2G
|
akkkh7
|
{
"description": "debating with my friend then calling her out",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for debating with my friend then calling her out
|
Ok I’m in high school and all these kids were posting on there stories “unborn lives matter” so I make a post about being pro choice. An hour later she responded to it by refuting my points so I did the same to hers. We did this for about two responses from each other then she said she never wanted a debate then when I was writing a response to that she deleted me off Snapchat. So me being kind of impulsive post something on my story calling her out for deleting me after debating with me. So I’m I the asshole for debating with her then calling her out
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
7xJ76x9i2d2ZBxUzHQQ5KKlDXpTxhvza
|
b0s794
|
{
"description": "mentioning a nice pension",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for mentioning a nice pension?
|
We are going though a restructure at work and it’s all seniority based. 6 guys are getting let go because of 6 guys coming in.
There is one gentleman who works 3rd shifts and makes 92k/year. He’s 4 years past eligible retirement age and could draw 70k/year in the form of a 40+ year pension. I mention to him that it must be nice to have a 40+ year pension to look forward to. He immediately attacked me and said he couldn’t afford to retire, that he couldn’t afford the extra 300$ month under our plan to cover healthcare along with the 22,000 decrease.
If this guy would retire, a young guy with a wife and kids wouldn’t lose his job.
Yes I’m that young guy losing his job. I didn’t say it in a snide way, at first I was literally stating that it would be nice to accrue a 40 year pension but I could see how he could take it as a personal attack or a passive aggressive “hint” to retire.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
CFU93bAf3K7KismqpQnWS8lstPSe6z8F
|
b7eaf9
|
{
"description": "trying to take a transfer pass when the bus driver was having trouble",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For trying to take a transfer pass when the bus driver was having trouble
|
First off, some context before I get into the meat and potatoes of my story. I live in Edmonton Canada so our transit system may be different to yours. Essentially we can buy a monthly bus pass, or a set of ten tickets for twenty some dollars that we can then use to get a transfer ticket on buses, they work as advanced payment essentially. I have these set of tickets as I don't ride the bus every single day. I should also tell you that I struggle with PTSD, depression and GAD, I'm training my own service dog (with a professional) to help me just live my life. This will hopefully give you some context of my reaction to the situation.
So when I was walking to the bus stop after work there was a train holding up traffic so of course everyone had to wait for it to pass before they could get moving again. If you know anything about Edmonton trains, it sucks and they're slow as hell.
When the train finally passes traffic gets moving and my bus stops for me to get on. I step on the bus and put my pre paid ticket in the cash bin and the driver goes to rip a transfer pass from his pack but he has some trouble grabbing the pass so he just closes the bus doors and drives off. I though "well that's okay, I'll grab the ticket myself to save him the trouble and I can go sit down" when I reach and begin to grab ONE pass, I did try to make it obvious that I was grabbing one plus I had paid so I saw no problem with it, he slammed his hand down on the passes and yelled extremely loudly "DON'T TOUCH THE TRANSFERS".
I ripped my hand away and was scared shitless (mind you, he didn't touch my hand but he was very close to it), I didn't know what was going on. He then spoke in a normal tone that he said "no" for a reason and was driving to the next stop to not back up traffic more because of the train, I apologized for my actions and agreed with him on the train situation and took the ticket when he stopped and ripped it. I went to sit down and people seemed super awkward (could just be my anxiety). Maybe he thought I was going to steal the passes but that doesn't make sense as they all expire at the same time so what would I do with, like, fifty transfer passes?
Anyway, because of how he yelled at me the arm I used to go and grab the ticket was extremely tense and in pain for hours (again, he did not touch me it's just due to my horrible anxiety and PTSD), I was so shaken when I got home I had a huge break down and tried rubbing my arm to normal. My dog helped me out but damn did it suck. I feel so horrible about the whole thing, on one side I don't like how he spoke to me but on the other I feel like a huge dick for trying to take the pass. Am I the asshole or?
P.S. If you're wondering why I didn't have my dog with me, I work at a doggy daycare so it's not a good place for her to be. I should also tell you that the bus driver did see me pay for the pass.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
RMp9izAVR1uGEP88ZIL3SgaA6KWK25rR
|
arr577
|
{
"description": "abandoning/ghosting all of my friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for abandoning/ghosting all of my friends?
|
TLDR at the end
Context: I recently moved states because an opportunity arose and I felt I needed change.
I’m a social butterfly like my father but more of the “clown” in every group of friends I get. I’m good at one liners and generally being quick with a joke or pun. But that’s about it. My last friend group (this one) all met in high school, but came closer together once we started college. So we got to meet everyday for studying and food breaks and it was fun!
But I lost motivation and dropped out on my third semester. I started realizing that my career path was going to be a simple desk job or manual labor until I retire. A good career path opened up and my best friend had a place to rent together in another state so I moved.
Months before I moved, I was already distancing myself from the group so that I don’t hurt anyone; or more like “pull the bandaid of quickly” if they found out. We had a group chat through text, and it was active more or less, at least a good conversation once a week or so, but if I ever got super depressed or just wanted to be alone, I would leave it, only to be added again very quickly. They would always ask why, but I would always give a vague answer.
So about a month before the move I left the group chat and said “please don’t add me back” and that worked temporarily. No one texted me, not in the group, or individually.
A few days before the move one of the group members personally called me to chat, which we would do every so often. She liked to vent to me, and I would like to listen. She vented and I listened, like we normally do, but at the end I informed her that I was moving and that I was leaving the group chat forever and...oh man.
We cried over FaceTime I said sorry a thousand times, she kept saying “I don’t want to lose you” all of the works.
I don’t think very highly of myself and consider myself a very bad friend, so I just wanted to burn all of my bridges and start fresh in a new state.
Sorry for such a long post but the final question is AITA for wanting to start fresh and not hurt my friend group by completely ghosting them to work on my own mental health?
(Clarification: They were supportive, good friends, but I was pretty depressed and really bringing them down. So I didn’t want to be a nuisance on them.)
TLDR: I felt like a nuisance to my supportive, good friend group so I ghosted them completely when I moved states to “Peel the bandaid quickly”
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
daBh8x9OpAaFRw5F7NoqswQRp10kus3k
|
b7cgkm
|
{
"description": "delaying the time that me and my girlfriend are meant to meet up at",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For delaying the time that me and my girlfriend are meant to meet up at.
|
Every Sunday/Saturday my girlfriend (17) meets me at either at her house or mine and this week it is to be my house.
She has been excited all week to meet me and spend the day with me because I’m in the last year of school and I study until 9 o clock everyday so she never has much time to talk to me or see me.
Normally I have a soccer match or Saturdays and it was announced that I did but the problem was that the match started at the time she’s meant to meet me. On the spur I told the manager I would be there and then I texted my girlfriend that could she meet me 2 hours ahead of the time she was acctually meant to meet me due to me having a match. I also told her she could stay longer than usual to make up for the time.
She absolutely snapped at me and told me no that i wasn’t allowed to go to the match (be aware I have not been to a soccer trainings in 2 weeks due to important exams and the weather). I continuously told her that she could stay longer and that it was only 2 hours and she kept being in denial and putting the blame on me.
And now the bigger problem is I came home and texted her that I’m home and she can meet me but she’s gone off into town and expects me to meet her even though I’m wrecked from a football match and I need to relax
AITA for delaying her to meet me because I wanted to go to soccer and keep myself active and my mental health in shape plus offering her to stay longer at mine or am I just being ridiculous?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
EhAcgL50TftblVcHhKNlwfa9fWGbmLZw
|
ayo9sh
|
{
"description": "being really bored and annoyed when my fiance describes his dreams to me in detail",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being really bored and annoyed when my fiance describes his dreams to me in detail?
|
Obviously I love my fiance and I love talking with him. He really likes recounting his dreams to me in painstaking detail and my eyes just glaze over. It takes him sometimes up to 20 minutes to fully describe a dream and to be honest, it's not important to me and I just don't care. I admit, I'll sometimes tell him about a weird dream I had, but it takes me about 30 seconds at most. I simply don't care about the long details of anyone's (Not just fiances) dreams.
AITA for feeling this way? Should I say something or just keep pretending to listen? Is this just a thing that couples regularly do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
j2AdW4qLWxsS5hcuHuLJoslHiGFdWXfv
|
b7ozyd
|
{
"description": "telling my (ex) stepmother that our home is substandard",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my (ex) stepmother that our home is substandard?
|
For context, I am an 18 year old male. 3 years ago, I lived with my father, stepmother (of 10 years at the time) and my younger brother. My freshman year of high school (now a Senior) I lost my dad to mental illness. I never had the best relationship with my stepmother, so I moved in with my grandparents for a year, before realizing I couldn't stand my school, and so I moved back in with my stepmother and brother.
While I was gone with my grandparents, my stepmom (SM from here on out) sold the house, and bought an RV, as a temporary stopgap to her dream of building a tiny home. I was told we would have our own bedrooms. My room wkuld be 10x9, plenty big enough for a teenage boy. When she offered to take me back in, she told me that we would be moved in by the winter. It's been two years now and we still live in an RV. She bought me my own camper, wasn't much, but it had a bed. I slept there for a year and a half, until the heater broke in October I continued to sleep in my camper for another two months, despite the inside temperature being often in the high 40's, because I valued my privacy and a bed more than being warm.
Eventually, based on our climate, it got too cold to stay there, and so I started sleeping in the RV. I sleep on a loveseat, and use the armrest as a pillow. This is the same coach that my dog sleeps on all day, and our family uses while watching TV.
A few weeks ago, I received a notice from our homeless advocate at school, saying that based on my living conditions, I qualify for certain benefits. I told SM about this, and she got upset, saying our home isn't substandard, and shouldn't qualify. I then said that I see why they believe it is, and pointed out the deficiencies (water heater has been broken lately so I have to go to YMCA 30 minutes away to shower, we used a composting toilet until a month ago, I sleep on a loveseat, my heater was broken, our living room is also my bedroom....and the dining room, etc etc). She freaked out, saying I wasn't thankful. I think I'm more than thankful that she let me move back to the school I love so much. But I also think she is incredibly lazy. She got out of the army 3 years ago, and has taken random classes to get the GI Bill benefits. That's what she lives off of. She is more than capable of getting a job. she also hasn't made a meal for our family for as long as I can remember. The only time I get a cooked meal is when I go to my friend's house (I can't afford to stock our pantry myself).
So, AITA for calling my living arrangement substandard?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
2HihUeFJqENIbBuaYdXY1bNU10Z4mD6C
|
a59m2k
|
{
"description": "wanting to leave my family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to leave my family?
|
I live in a very Islamic country. And my family are very religious Muslims.
I am a trans woman and if they were to find out about this they would abandon me and I might even end up dead. So of course i want to get out of here and leave my family in the next year.
But my mother has been sick for the last 4 years. And I'm very close to some of my cousins and I can't imagine how they would feel if I left.
I feel very selfish but at the same time I don't wanna be stuck here and be miserable for the rest of my life.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
V8X85qdBHzs8YxJPqN8B5JqkTx2NEkjl
|
aiqqzr
|
{
"description": "throwing away this girls schoolwork that would constantly harass me, make me the butt of jokes in class and talk bad about me in front of everyone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for throwing away this girls schoolwork that would constantly harass me, make me the butt of jokes in class and talk bad about me in front of everyone?
|
So there was this girl in high school who would constantly make jokes at my expense, bully me, and make me look stupid in my AP world history class. It was Friday, the last week before finals week, and the last class of the day. We all left our backpacks in our classroom before going to the gym to do the AP test. I got done early and got back to the class and saw her backpack close to mine. I was seated in the very back of class where no one would see me easily, as there were only a few kids there. We hadn’t turned in our final projects yet and most of the other classes hadn’t had their final tests or projects due either. What I did was take everything out of her backpack while no one was looking (it was a pretty full backpack as she had all advanced classes) and put it into mine and put a few of her other belongings in the other kids backpacks so they would be suspected first. The class was over before she was finished with the test so I went home and threw all of her stuff in the trash. I never said a word about it to anyone and no one suspected me of doing it. I never found out how bad it affected her but I can assume it hurt her grades pretty badly.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 19
}
|
WRONG
|
WsLPfjYboDckEwZzxxXdoOLyBeH3tk0y
|
af8ao9
|
{
"description": "getting an abortion when my \"boyfriend\" is begging me to keep it",
"pronormative_score": 130,
"contranormative_score": 29
}
|
WIBTA for getting an abortion when my "boyfriend" is begging me to keep it?
|
I put boyfriend in quotes because we (28F and 26M) have been going out on dates and having sex for about a year but until now he has not called us boyfriend and girlfriend. When I had the "define the relationship" talk he said we were "hanging out" and even though that wasn't really what I wanted to hear, I have kept at it because he is a really amazing guy. He's always in a good mood, always lifts me up and makes me happy, he has gotten me out of the house on more adventures in the last year than I'd ever done before in my life. Because of him I've started hiking, geocaching, actually started cooking food instead of just heating it up, been sketching more and just generally more involved in my art and life. And I have been kind of holding on, hoping to get that commitment from him, but this is not what I had in mind.
I recently switched birth control methods and I guess I was wrong about how protected I was during the switch because I just found out on Wednesday that I am pregnant. I'm not sure how far along yet but I have literally taken four tests, all positive, so I'm sure this is really happening. I told my not-bf right away and it was an instant 180 with him. He says he wants to marry me, he's ready to settle down and this is a sign, he thinks we will be amazing parents.
To be honest I do want kids eventually, but I am pretty sure I don't want them right now and pretty unsure that this is the guy I want to have them with. It was actually kind of a wake-up call when I saw that blue line and my first thought was how I didn't think me and my not-bf were in it for life. As much as I like him and as much as he is talking about commitment now, the fact that it took a pregnancy to get him there really worries me that he is not in this for real or not in it for the right reasons. And to be honest I would be much happier having my first kid at 35 than 28. Financials are good right now. Not great, but good. I can't see myself putting x% of my income towards a child right now and being happy.
So between the uncertainty of my stability with my partner and just a general feeling of "not yet" I am leaning towards having an abortion. Not-bf is crushed. He has been begging me not to go through with it or to put it off until I've thought about it more, but I would really rather get it done as earlier as possible while the pill option is still available. Not-bf is basically a changed man as far as commitment goes but I'm worried it's too little, too late. Whenever I try to talk to him about what *I* want to do, he always ends up steering the conversation towards how rewarding it would be to be parents and how much he loves me. It's honestly so upsetting that I just want to go get the abortion done and tell him about it after. But would this be an unforgivable move? Is it okay to say "better ask forgiveness than permission" over something this big?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 111,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 130,
"WRONG": 29
}
|
RIGHT
|
SvW5HazNbHEfo5DUZk0UWX0hIo6MGy1u
|
aeo9qq
|
{
"description": "not living with a racist",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for not living with a racist?
|
For the last 6 months I have been renting out my spare room. In fairness to my roommate she always paid her rent on time and was easy to get alone with so I didn't have any problems with her until recently.
She had a guest come over the other day and the douche was wearing a MAGA hat. So I quickly went into my room and just avoided them until he left. The next day I asked why she was friends with a #45 supporter and she looked confused and said that she voted for him also.
So last night I told her that I wouldn't renew her month to month because I don't want to live with a racist trump supporter and that she would have to move out. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
2OWpXjQGpRNHRnu1Zz6gK3Zo5XhQOQgo
|
as4xc3
|
{
"description": "getting food for myself",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting food for myself?
|
My family called me into the living room and asked if I wanted to eat from someplace that delivered, I said yes and they proceeded to ask me where i wanted to eat. After listing off every option I liked they shot them all down and I said that they can decide because it really doesn’t matter. I wait an hour and then text to see if they had chosen yet, they said no. I then asked if we were still eating out and they said no since no one could decide. I decided to just place an order from myself. When it arrived my family got mad at me.My dad even pulled me aside and explained that what I did was wrong and dirty, my stepmom also thought this was rude. Was I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nP24mS14wlpGrxpyLlI8sdTuWJxGLUHO
|
b30qbf
| null |
AITA for apparently making my boyfriend feel pressured to propose?
|
So I love Don't tell the bride which is a UK TV show about grooms planning the wedding and it being very different from the bride's vision. It's my guilty pleasure purely because of the drama. My boyfriend has always been pretty okay with it, he's fine with listening to me rant about it.
However the other day he snapped at me while I was watching a video about this Youtuber buying wedding dresses off Wish (The latest video of a Youtuber that I subcribe to). He told me that when I watch videos like that it makes him feel like I'm pressuring him to propose. It was very out of the blue because we've never really discussed getting married. Neither have we made any super concrete plans about our future together other than the usual "You're gonna stay with me forever right?"
Nowadays when I watch whatever relationship thing that comes up such as 90 day fiance or Married at first sight, he just goes "Tsk" and plays his video games. I have tried explaining to him that I'm really not trying to force him to propose and that I just like the shows but it doesn't really register for him.
His outspoken disapproval at the shows honestly makes me feel like I'm an Asshole for watching it. But I do think it's a ridiculous thing to be sensitive about. Please let me know what your thoughts are and thank you in advance.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
9LONEzF09a2OrEoFpZnGTBWOHcuFmu3j
|
akxjg7
|
{
"description": "cutting off a friend after he refused to apologize",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting off a friend after he refused to apologize?
|
I had a friend, let's call him C. Now C and I have been friends for 4 years now. He lives in another city so we mostly played games together. However, there was a time where we were kind of trying to date, but that didn't work out so I broke it off. That was three years ago and all of that is now forgotten.
He has always been difficult. He's had a rough childhood, he's stubborn and won't listen to anyone but himself. In those years, there were many fights that did not end because he just kept going and going even after I told him to stop discussing it(basically he does not understand what boundaries are). We have different views on almost everything, he also dismissed my anxiety when I opened up to him about 2 years ago, basically said all I have to do is work out and eat healthily and it will all go away. Now I have let those things slide because somehow we always found a way back and he was also my only friend who plays games so I needed him for that(or maybe that's an excuse and we were just in a toxic friendship).
Now a couple of weeks ago, we were playing and he called my BF a sissy (that's the best translation to English I could do from my native language). Since there have been a couple of times where he was also trying to disrespect my BF, but actually didn't go through with it, I reacted. Closed the game. He then wrote to me and asked what's wrong. I explained to him that I will not tolerate him disrespecting my BF and that I want him to apologize. He answered that "I account being silent as admitting I fucked up". What he meant by that is after calling my BF a sissy he instantly got quiet. I told him that it's not good enough and I expect him to admit he fucked up with words and apologize. He didn't.
Now fast forward a week and every time he contacts me, I tell him "not good enough". Nothing else, just that sentence. He finally understands that I'm not kidding and I will not talk to him unless he apologizes. He proceeds to tell that "he feels like he didn't hurt anyone, so no need to apologize". He also tells me "it was clear that I was trying to make a joke and when you felt offended I stopped."
Like I wrote before, he has tried making "jokes" like that before but I always shut him down before. So he should know that I will not tolerate that. So basically we went back and forth by me telling him "not good enough" and explaining that I want him to apologize for dissing my BF and him telling me "Too bad, that's all you get and it's more than necessary". Since I have let his actions slide before I've had enough and put my foot down. Told him that if he does not apologize, I will not consider him my friend any longer. Then comes this sentence:
​
"Not sure I want to. You felt disrespected by a thing that was not meant to hurt also I clarified it was not meant to hurt and now I have to apologize? Wow. And you talked about friendship or something."
​
Now the part where he says "and you talked about friendship or something" refers to a conversation we had a month ago when we were both feeling low, talking about it and trying to help one another. He opened up to me that he feels like he has no friends and I told him I consider him my friend. At this point, I'm starting to get tired because this is nothing new to us and those fight never end so I tell him that I made myself clear and will no longer continue with this discussion. He then tells me that "I hope your boyfriend can tolerate you" and that he was hoping our friendship will end with some big drama, not a little mistake.
​
So, AITA for cutting him off?
​
TLDR: A friend called my boyfriend a sissy(as an insult), refused to apologize because "it was clear he was trying to make a joke" and I cut him off after that.
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
kk0CXjpb9OOxJThZd3mOIG9TMlxkKBya
|
9x53ys
| null |
AITA for how I treated a cast member/my old best friend?
|
**TW // self-harm, suicide attempts**
​
This is going to be very long, I apologize. I'm going to try and condense as much as I can but this spans the past year and there's a lot of necessary context. Details and names changed and a throwaway because my main reddit could easily be found by IRL people and I don't want to stir up more drama, I just need to understand if what I did was right or wrong for my own peace of mind and an upcoming mediation session.
​
I and one other person, Vicky, are the directors of a small high school theater group (we also act and write). Caitlin is a year below us and has been a part of the group since her first year (she is a year younger than me and Vicky). Last year we became extremely close and she confided in me many of her struggles in life, and I would often help her through anxiety attacks or intense depressive episodes. This was stressful, but rewarding for me, so I didn't mind doing it.
​
However, her moods underwent a sudden shift in the spring (I suspect because of a hospitalization and medication change after a suicide attempt) and she became very unstable. She was extremely paranoid, often accusing me of deliberately sabotaging her (she had made a bid to become co-director after our old one graduated, but Vicky won the election), and had sudden and extreme episodes of anger, which she would often take out on me. She even had episodes of psychosis and delusional beliefs, although these were very brief. These reached a point where they happened three or four nights a week. She once sent me a picture of herself covered in self-harm scars. I didn't feel I could leave, even though she offered to let me go many times, because of worry that no one would be there if she did hurt herself.
​
This reached a point where I was hospitalized after one of her episodes happened and I attempted suicide. After this, she became a little distant but we were still friends. Her episodes had largely stopped (again, medication change and dosage increase). Eventually she told me that she thought I was faking the whole thing and have Munchausen's syndrome, and that I attempted it for attention. She eventually apologized, but this was a breaking point for me and we went "on break" in our friendship for half of the summer. We reconciled when the school year began, partly out of necessity for theater rehearsals (the professional relationship and some of our friendship).
​
However, at rehearsals she often made uncomfortable jokes or statements referencing race, abuse, and diabetes (Vicky has diabetes). This wasn't really a new thing, she always had weird boundaries and ideas concerning these issues that we assumed came from her sheltered upbringing and generally odd, but harmless, personality (she is mixed white and Asian). They didn't make anyone uncomfortable until this year when she ramped up some of them, and I and a couple of other people noticed some of her ideas were not jokes.
​
This all came to a head one day when at lunch I noticed one of her essays had some odd references to race that were extremely unnecessary and patronizing ("the poor, black, side of \[home city\]" "with our help, ten African-American children graduated"). I told her to take them out, for her sake if nothing else and eventually she did. Later that day we had the final rehearsal before a performance that was the next day. We discussed fundraising ideas, and Caitlin frankly irritated me when she made a suggestion that made no sense, I said no, and she kept arguing when me and Vicky told her to leave it alone because we had already made a final call. Later, Caitlin made a racial comment that another member of our group, Rachel, who is also a friend of Caitlin's outside of it, found objectionable and they got into an argument. Rachel remained fairly calm and tried explaining why it made her feel uncomfortable, but Caitlin became increasingly angry and agitated. Vicky and I were talking right next to them, not more than a foot apart. Because of the situation at lunch and Caitlin's history of objectionable comments, I jumped into their conversation to make a comment that frankly I didn't think she knew what racism was, which made her explode (for the record, I think this was a bad move and bad phrasing on my part. Vicky said something too but was more composed.). She said that we were all attacking her and calling her racist, she would not act tomorrow, and she was quitting our club.
​
I don't think she is truly racist, and no one else does either (at most, she is ignorant and relies on stereotypes). I don't even care that much about it. But her threatening to not perform with us the day before over an argument was a major, major inconvenience not only to Vicky and I but the rest of the cast. She continued to barrage us with texts, saying that we discriminated against her because she is a transgender woman (I am currently dating a transgender man), saying that she has bipolar and we were bullying her, we had been hostile towards her from the beginning of the year, and we villainized her- it goes on and on but that's the gist of it.
​
Vicky and I talked and decided that if she did not perform tomorrow she was out of the club. Vicky had been trying to talk to Caitlin to convince her to perform, but she said she was not mentally well enough to and then stopped replying (we found out later she had gone to sleep). Vicky sent her a message telling her our decision.
​
The next morning, Caitlin told us that she would force herself to perform. Vicky and I informed our club sponsor Mrs. Collins about what had happened the night before, including about our decision that if she didn't perform then she was out, and she seemed to be on our side and said she would talk to Caitlin. The show ended up going smoothly. Vicky and I discussed possible consequences for Caitlin but ultimately Mrs. Collins told us to let it go for Caitlin's sake. Caitlin later apologized, but still said we had treated her differently and wrongly.
​
The week after, Vicky and I were supposed to hold auditions to join our club and for roles in our next show. However, Vicky could not be there that week and I had asked Caitlin to help me before our falling out. After that, assuming that Caitlin was not coming, I asked another club member to help (Elisa). The day before tryouts, I asked Caitlin if she was planning to come, and she said no unless I needed help, and I said I had it covered. She came anyways, and was outraged to find that Elisa and Rachel were there (Rachel had already been at our space and promised not to be a bother and begged me to let her stay so I reluctantly let her- I would have done the same if it had been Caitlin). Caitlin started yelling and arguing with me, in front of the people practicing for auditions, and asking why I had "replaced her" with Elisa, why I was still mad/not being her friend, saying that it wasn't a big deal. We moved to a separate location from tryouts and I got heated as well, as I told her I was not ready to talk about it since I was still angry and would say something I might regret, because it as a bad time, and because I simply was not ready. She repeatedly ignored the boundary I set and would not leave, regardless of how many times I told her she was disruptive and needed to. It got very heated. Eventually she left along with Rachel who I also told to leave.
​
Vicky, Caitlin and I had a meeting to talk later that week. There are only a couple relevant things I want to bring up here because this is already too long: we came out with a semi-peace/understanding, we all apologized and agreed to be polite and to keep personal issues out of rehearsals. She also brought up my suicide attempt in an argument about how we should have been more forgiving of her outburst and should not have threatened to kick her out, which I found incredibly wrong and out of place.
​
Rehearsals for the next few weeks are awkward at first but get better with time. I don't think I and definitely Vicky treated her especially differently from everyone else, although since she does learn slower than many of the cast she naturally needs some help (which she asked for and I gave). However, since our relationship before this summer was so close I do think there was a noticeable difference between last year and this one. I did do my best to treat her the same as everyone else though and to make amends- after a couple weeks I was ready to let it go and I specifically wrote a scene for our two characters as a peace offering, which she seemed to understand. I do remember one time where she was talking and I had repeated instructions three times, and she then asked me exactly what I had answered three times, so I repeated myself and then grumpily added "... which you would know if you were listening," to which she threw up her arms and rolled her eyes. I feel bad for being snippy, but to be fair I have said this to other people as well, although perhaps with the context of the previous issues it wasn't a good idea.
​
She still didn't seem happy at rehearsals and didn't socialize much with the other cast members (who don't know anything about this aside from part of her outburst that she sent to the entire cast and if they heard anything at tryouts). However, a week ago she pulled me and Vicky aside at the end of rehearsals and said she was going to quit. We asked why, and she said she didn't want to tell us, so Vicky and I said okay and let her go. It's not as big of a deal since we have a lot of time before our next show, although it was a bit inconvenient. We reworked all scenes around her and rehearsed them last week.
​
So, am I the asshole?
​
Addendum: I was already going to write
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ESWsMidR4Zs7UPk3LHErzAAHCf204GCr
|
b5icvx
|
{
"description": "telling a guy to stop dumping all his problems on my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling a guy to stop dumping all his problems on my girlfriend?
|
I've been with my girlfriend (we'll call her Bella) for 4 years. She cares a lot about her friends well beings. She has been acquaintances with this guy (we'll call him Jack) for about 6 years. In the last 2 months Jack has made friends with Bella and been venting all his problems to Bella. Bella has trouble saying no and refraining from fixing every issue, and she's exhausted herself trying to fix this guys life. She's completely burnt out in the last few weeks dealing with the stress.
Today I called him (she was ok with this) and asked him to respect Bella and not stress her out so much. I told him I thought it was disrespectful and immature of him to ask so much and burden one person whom he hasn't been good friends with for very long.
AITA for calling him?
Tl;dr, AITA for asking a guy to stop putting all his problems on my very caring girlfriend, stressing her out constantly?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
aKoPgHQb82s2A0kdsVw2ULbN23cIUB4H
|
a4g04s
|
{
"description": "telling my brother he needs to follow through on getting his car",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA For telling my brother he needs to follow through on getting his car?
|
My brother (28yo) wrecked his old car a month ago. He’s bought a new one in a different state, but he still hasn’t gotten it shipped yet. Until it does, I have to drive him to work. I wouldn’t mind it, but lately my schedule has been conflicting with his, so I’m left rushing the house to try to make it to work after dropping him off. His work is a half hour drive away.
I want to ask him about it, but he gets frustrated every time it’s brought up. Apparently my parents are losing patience with him, because he’s putting off getting the car shipped. But I can’t keep giving him rides if it means I’m barely making it to work on time. I’m growing more and more frustrated by the day. I honestly feel like he’s not making the effort to get his car, anymore. As long as he’s getting rides, why bother trying to get the car shipped, right?
I’m not even trying to be nice about it anymore. I let my annoyance show when he asks me for rides. He says he feels guilty about it, but nothing has changed. Hell, he doesn’t even want to take Uber or Lyft because it’s “too expensive “. He’ll fill up my tank to the half way mark when I’m low, which I am appreciative for. But if he can afford that, then why not use a driving service?
Would I be the asshole for telling him he has to stop procrastinating on getting his car?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
xexX3JJ9F3M3lC00bFxFC2Fk0VfpczGK
|
alxmsn
|
{
"description": "drinking a small amount of Coca Cola",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for drinking a small amount of Coca Cola?
|
My dad is an alcoholic and mixes his Captain Morgan with Coca Cola. One night, I saw the slightest amount of coke left in the two liter bottle, so I decided to drink it, being the teenager I was. When he came out about half an hour later, he asked where the rest of the coke went, and I told him that I had drank it. He got very pissed off and nearly yelled at me, told me "It was still enough to mix a drink!" and walked into his room, punching a wooden pole on his way there.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
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{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
2oj7xgCQ9cssxoRHTfJM9lyhdKNXPeGq
|
are2af
|
{
"description": "not scheduling my wedding around my siblings time",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not scheduling my wedding around my siblings time?
|
I am having a wedding soon. Due to both of us being international it was difficult to find a good date for the entire family.
Now we have found a date that really suits us and is something we'd like to always have as an anniversary - were very happy with the date and both our families are able to come over - except my sibling.
They're currently way out of the country on the other side of the world and are upset that we didn't wait one more month until they're back home and closer - however waiting one more month would have meant my fiancees family would not be able to come over and my fiancee would be neck-deep in her thesis.
Now I've proposed to my sibling for them to join us via video-calling but "it's not the same" (it isnt, but better than nothing?) and it's not good enough.
Mind you if my sibling truly wanted to, they could come over - due to the super long flight they don't want to.
AITA for not waiting one extra month to make it possible for my sibling to attend easier?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
j2vZ0OS5h1avnkNtioyo6PhDiUO0dkiM
|
a6gyxi
|
{
"description": "asking a recovering alcoholic why they aren't drinking",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking a recovering alcoholic why they aren’t drinking?
|
This was at a work function that was advertised that includes alcohol. I didn’t know they were recovering alcoholic and did not press on after I realized they felt uncomfortable answering the question.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
nD9acKLeE8vJWjfOiPxK5QcZzbVFsTWz
|
a1esic
|
{
"description": "being low-key irritated with my older sister finally moving out",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being low-key irritated with my older sister finally moving out?
|
Context: My family is in the UK, I'm a 25yo guy, my older sister is 26, our dad left pretty early on and rarely paid child support, Our mum raised us singlehandedly and had to live very frugally to be able to make the finances work and ensure that we still got the same opportunities as everyone else our age.
We both started working full time from the age of 17.
I started paying rent as soon as I had an income, and I always paid more with each salary increase as my professional opportunities began to improve with experience. Shortly after turning 23 I moved out into my own place and have maintained financial independence my whole working life.
My sister however has spent every penny she ever earned on herself, didn't start paying rent until after I'd already moved out, took out multiple loans and maxed out several credit cards before she even turned 20 just for completely frivolous spending on nights out and several holidays abroad each year. By the time she was 22 she had defaulted on multiple payments, completely decimated her credit score, and monthly interest payments alone were exceeding her monthly income, forcing her to admit her spending issues to the family. We had to all scrape out our savings accounts to bail her out.
Now, cutting forward to last week:
Mum's trying to sell the family home we grew up in and therefore needs my sister to move out. While my sister was on her latest holiday with her friends mum went ahead and found her an amazing new place. The upshot is it's far nicer than any place I've ever had, and far far cheaper, with a whole bunch of perks and stuff included in the rent because mum knows someone who knows someone and managed to renegotiate the whole thing with the landlord. My sister is moving out next month having done virtually nothing to organise it for herself, mum will rent a van herself to help with the move, and my recent birthday meal last week was completely overshadowed by everyone in the family talking about all the insanely nice and very expensive furnishings that they could give to her for free to help her out.
I'm pleased that she's finally moving out, but at the same time I'm really irritated that she is putting in a tiny fraction of the effort, planning and commitment that I've been putting in for years, and yet she gets enough handouts to consistently come off better anyway.
I guess she's getting more support because she's a bit of a liability and probably couldn't do it without all the handouts, but at the same time it just makes me wonder why I even bother.
Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
auevq5
|
{
"description": "not feeding stray cats in our building the food that my cousin purchase for them",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not feeding stray cats in our building the food that my cousin purchase for them?
|
So to give a bit of a back ground information, my sister loves cats and often buys food for them whenever she visits us. I'm not exactly a cat person but i don't hate cats and kinda like it when they show interest in me considering how rare it is.
Last time she visited us, 6 something months ago she bought some cat food and she asked me to feed the cats. I said I would because I have done that previously and as I had a different schedule then. But since then, my timings have changed and my mental health has taken a dive for the worse leading to something mental break downs in between. Also the fact that I work for a call center doesn't make things better.
Due to all of this, I'm too exhausted emotionally and mentally to do any task which leads to me falling behind on a lot of things. Also, just wanna add that there are other people in our building who feed the cats but I'm not sure if they get proper food/nutrition which is why my sister insists on feeding them.
She is coming back in a day and I feel like shit.
So, AITA for not feeding the stray cats in our building?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
zMu7IcAmRTIyN6xZp6Nu0NTfetJ945NR
|
a8v8qg
|
{
"description": "not talking with my ex-bestfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not talking with my ex-bestfriend?
|
Hi everyone, gonna try to keep this short.
Recently I went to study in another country, and during that time only 1 of my friends asked me(lets call him Josh) how I was doing, while my best friend(let's call me Thomas) didn't ask how I was doing during 3 months.
The only interaction I had with Thomas was when he tried to delete my Facebook page(since he is a mod) and when I asked him about this he said that the page is dead soo there is no point in it existing, and then he asked me how I was doing which I awnsered angrily saying it was okay.
Now I come back in Christmas to my home country, and only warn my friend Josh who asked how I was doing there, and I went out with him.
2 days later I get a gift on steam from Thomas saying "It's sad that I know you are back through Josh and not from you, happy holidays"
Is he serious?? this isn't a Christmas gift, this is just a gift for making me feel bad, and making me buy a gift for him even though I wasn't counting on it.
AITA in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
tpT61SibuKga7kgsBRV1e9X9PU3mLb6m
|
ausxks
|
{
"description": "having my deaf-mute neighbours' dogs removed from the neighbourhood",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for having my deaf-mute neighbours' dogs removed from the neighbourhood?
|
AITA for having my deaf-mute neighbours' dogs removed from the neighbourhood?
My parents and I live next to a deaf-mute couple who own two dogs. In the past we had no issue with them, but our neighbours have allowed their dogs to bark all day for HOURS ON END. Naturally due to the neighbours' deafness, they cannot hear their dogs barking and it simply continues....
When the issue first occured, we left a note in their mailbox politely explaining that my brother and father work jobs that require them to wake up early in the mornings and the incessant barking was becoming an issue. A week went by and we received no response, yet the barking continued. Eventually my mother contacted the father of the deaf-mute husband and explained the situation, his only response was to laugh and tell my mother "your husband and son should just use ear plugs or sleep in different rooms".
My mother decided to contact the local council about the issue. After about two months, the council issued a formal warning. The barking continued....
My mother contacted the father again abd explained our situation, the father explained in an irritated manner that "the dogs are there to help his deaf-mute son and wife with their daily activities due to their conditiod, and that we should just put up with it". We were confued, surely there is no need for their dogs to incessantly bark like that though?
Eventually we sought mediation from the council, and the council ruled that one of the dogs be separated and live at the father's property. The neighbours were not happy but complied for a while.
This brings me to the present. I am starting to get fed up with the fact that the neighbours seem to pay no regard to us or the official warnings issued by the council.
So I took matters into my own hands.
Unhappy with the fact that the father neighbours are so inconsiderate and seemingly thinking that this issue is a big joke by laughing at us whenever they see us, I contacted the father myself this time. I explained to him that the barking has continued for months now despite our complaints, and how his son laughs whenever he sees us, I gave him an ultimatum.
They either adhere to the official orders ruled by the council, or I take the matter to the court. This did not sit well with the father, as he decided to abuse me over the phone calling, my family horrible people, stripping his disabled son and wife of their right to have dogs.
I filed for the court proceeding and the magistrate ruled both dogs off the premises as it was quite clear to her that the dogs were merely pets, rather than aids, as there was no paper-work to prove such a thing.
While we are happy with this outcome, we still cop abuse from the husband and dead-mute neighbours occassionally....
AITA for having the dogs removed?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 33,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
t8TN2FDdVgGinSDUYjjgPkOzWgWcgTYn
|
azb4fe
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend?
|
[I am a 21M, girlfriend 21F] My side: Her and her best “guy friend” have been in a pretty volatile friendship, on and off fighting and not. So Thursday night, I drop her off at a party at his house. I have to get up early for work so I stay in. She says she wants to be home by 12, I said ok, text me when you’re home.
At 1 am, she’s at the bar where he works at, posting kind of inappropriate pictures. No big deal, we talked about it whatever.
We’ve had numerous problems in the past like this where she would go to bars and parties that she swore she didn’t want to be at; she was never there at any of the times (2,3,4 hours past when she said she would be leaving), and generally not who she said she would be with. She claims she was not going to any bars, but I wake up and always find her there.
Two weeks ago, she’s suppose to be coming over. It’s late, 3-4 AM. She hasn’t shown yet, so I call, say I’m coming to pick her up. 4 am I arrive, she reads my message, never comes out. I wait 20-30 minutes, and she never comes out. She’s at the guys house.
My roommate and very good friend, early in our relationship heard a rumor; At a bar, someone asked if she was single, she said no. Always kind of in the back of my head.
Back to Thursday night / Friday afternoon. While in the tanning bed, I looked at her phone. I am obviously suspicious, and I feel have a reason to be. I found some videos of her and the guy friend laying on his bed, which I find extremely inappropriate.
Her side of the story is she’s fine, and that her father, mother, and sister agree her friend is not threatening or inappropriate because they are such good friends. She believes she is rightfully mad because I was distrusting.
AITA? I feel like she’s being extremely manipulative, and if I were to talk into the room with them she would absolutely know it was wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
UhcAfWqMuV6jPKZ4vCnUIzgrZSr0eTUt
|
av0tcm
|
{
"description": "considering separation from my wife after she brought up my late family",
"pronormative_score": 288,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA For considering separation from my wife after she brought up my late family?
|
Not here for validation. Haven't been thinking too clearly and need some strangers to weigh in, my support circle has given me mixed responses
When I was 28 my wife of 7 years (together for 13) and 4 year old daughter died in a home invasion while I was helping out a friend a few hours away. Afterwards I survived two attempts on my own life, went through a a few years of drug and alcohol abuse and homelessness as I stopped working. After a lot of effort I got back on my feet.
I've turned 40 a few months ago. A few years ago I met my current wife. We had been friends for a bit and have been together for 2 years. She knew what I'd been through and was extremely supportive, we've helped eachother through a lot and have overall had a great marriage.
The other night we had a major blow-up. We've both been dealing with family issues and work related problems and had been short with eachother for a few days. We went out for a date which helped, and she asked to go the next night as well. I had already committed to helping a friend move that day, so I told her we could the day after. In retrospect I know this was wrong of me.
For the first time she start swearing at me, pushing chairs, telling me to leave. It ended with her saying, verbatim, "last time you neglected your fucking family for a friend you lost them, that's on you. What if we had a kid [my name], would it take letting them die too before you smarten up?"
I left that night and came back the next day. We talked and she was extremely apologetic and said she's just been stressed from work, but it came out that she had always been jealous of my first wife which she never mentioned before. I told her I wanted wasn't sure if I could be with her, she's been staying with her sister but begging me for a chance to work through it.
Friends are mixed. Some support me, others think I owe it to her to try to move past it because it was one issue in an otherwise solid marriage and because "I do still think about my wife so she's right to be jealous." I visit my family on their birthdays and Christmas. I keep a photo of my first wife and daughter in my wallet (I also keep one of my current wife) and I've had their names on my back for 10+ years. That's it. I don't compare her to my first wife, nor do I love her less and I don't wallow in grief while ignoring my marriage, I just don't feel like being remarried means I have to act like they never existed. She knew I was a widower when we met. She was the one who offered to talk to me about my wife back then, and I haven't talked to her about my wife since we married. Had she brought up these concerns in a better way, I'd have gladly reassured her and worked on it, but while I can forgive a lot I don't know if I can forgive or ever forget how she said it.
I need opinions. I love her, but I feel sick in my stomach when I think about her now. I feel so betrayed and hurt because while things are said in anger this felt purposely crafted to hurt most
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 275,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 6
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 288,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
RIGHT
|
Vnrk546EyyOXvUaHfs6ziXa8LipBIqh7
|
amfk2g
|
{
"description": "making my ex roommate and friends pay the utilities on the apt I don't live in anymore",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA For making my ex roommate and friends pay the utilities on the apt I don’t live in anymore?
|
So this originally started about 2 months ago. I was planning on moving out 2 month before our lease ends (February) and my roommate, (lets call her Ashley) allowed her friends to come and takeover the apt. Mind you they moved all my stuff out overnight into a UHaul that i didnt ask for and wanted me to pay them $150 for getting me a truck..
This started a big fight between me, ashley and her 2 friends what were taking over the apt. They said they would pay the rent and utilities for the remaining 2 months. Granted my name along with Ashleys are on the lease so i know they cant do much without ashley taking a hit. We are both in our early 20s. Im 23 shes 21. They day after i moved my stuff and them still messaging me to pay them the $150 for the truck i told Ashley that i was stopping the electric service there on 12/10. I moved out and told her this on 12/3. I gave her a week to call and start service in her name.
Now we are here in February and move out day is the 3rd. I havent lived there since December and she sent me a photo of the electric bill. Apparently the apt complex keeps the power running in Florida regardless if tenants are in the unit. so they assumed we stopped paying and she wants me to pay half of the bill. I told her that i informed her about everything going on with electric. I have messages from her stating that she was going to call the electric company as well as her friends stating they would pay the rent and utilities. Now they are throwing threats at me and im not having it.
I told her i am NOT going to pay for electricity at a place i dont live in. She wanted them to stay with her. I told her multiple times that they were going to have issues, but shes very nieve and believed everything her friends told her. They tried saying they would fuck me over and promised none of it would have any negative effects on her. Isaid that im willing to let the mgmt take the cost out of the security deposit. (Which she thinks isnt fair)
So thats how my morning is going so far. I am going to the complex office this afternoon to give them my key and ask that our security deposit is split into 2 separate checks.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
6G5s0v5AE20en6cHmOy90tf9tx5rRdGx
|
9yih3k
| null |
AITA - I back down out of arguments because I hate arguing with my wife...
|
We don't argue much, but every once in a while we have these ridiculous arguments over ridiculous topics.
​
Let me set the scene for the most recent example... I (33m) am sitting at the kitchen table with my wife (28f)and her 18-year-old brother. Her brother says there are 2 kids in his graduating class who already have children of their own. Now, we had our first born about 4 months ago and both know the resources (time, money, energy, etc) and sacrifices (lack of sleep, NEVER putting yourself first, lost socializing opportunities) it takes to raise a child, I uttered "That sucks. How great of a parent can you be at 18 years old?"
​
My wife was really offended at that. She clearly wanted to argue that statement. She went on a rant about how I can't generalize about things like that, and asked if I thought she would be a bad mother at 18. My response was along the lines of "You were smart enough to be on birth control at 18, and if you did get pregnant, I would think that you would be smart enough to terminate".
Obviously not the right answer. She got heated, and it was getting awkward in front of my brother-in-law. Instead of arguing my position any further, I just agreed that 18 year-olds make great parents. That pissed her off even more.
​
Am I the asshole for flip-flopping my position in order to end an argument in front of a guest?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
ZI652pVejViQSvez8XypVfh0wwnDkavT
|
ac3u3k
|
{
"description": "skipping out on my friends birthday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I skip out on my friends birthday
|
My friend who I met in highschool and became pretty close with is having a get-together for her birthday this weekend. The reason I don’t want to go is a whole other story but basically i’m just not socially comfortable (not a weirdo just facing body dysmorphia and its ruining my life.) She didn’t even tell me Happy birthday this past November. WIBTA if I don’t attend her birthday party?
also how can I go about this? I care for her and don’t want her to think that I dont.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
7Z2gPlf0FrTZTEOBv3IjVraQQiCB9d3X
|
amha1d
|
{
"description": "telling my old friends girlfriend that he's been cheating their entire relationship",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my old friends girlfriend that he’s been cheating their entire relationship?
|
Throwaway, I don’t support Trump btw, the S stands for “Screw”
So, little backstory. I will designate my ex-compadre as Chet and his girlfriend as Bri.
Chet and Bri have been dating for the better part of six years now, since senior year of high school, we are now all out of college. Bri has (as far as I know) always been faithful to Chet in every way, Chet however, would (by my count) cheat with 13 different females over the course of their 6 years together, then went to different universities for four years which made the entire thing easier on Chef’s behalf.
13 is not a guess, me and that group of friends would always get together during uni breaks and often go on group dates or throw gatherings in one of our houses and basically party, all of these instances Chet would bring a different girl, he often kept us updated on when he was going on dates (in our groupchat), or funny situations that happened with these girls, and yes he was having sex with each one.
When I was younger I didn’t really care too much, not expecting them to last this long regardless of the constant cheating, but somehow they did. I used to bring it up with Chet and tell him that I felt like its messed up to tell her that he loves Bri and the next day go take another girl on a date, each instance I bring this up, Chet would simply say he doesn’t know why he does it, he just does but his feelings for Bri are real.
Cue to current state of events, me and Chet aren’t really friends anymore, haven’t been for a long time (couple months), not because of this but because of another incident. I recently saw an update on social media where she was saying that they were starting to talk about marriage and it made me a little sick to think that she would marry this guy when he’s just been cheating the entire time. I feel crappy because I know for a fact that if she had seen even 1/100th of what Iv’e seen Chet doing, she would no longer be with him, let alone marry him.
Iv’e been thinking about telling her what I know, but I’m worried honestly. How would that even go? I’m also worried about about my motivations. Maybe a couple years ago I was around bri and Chet and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t develop a crush on Bri (never acted on it obviously). Granted me and Chet aren’t friends, but I don’t want to torpedo their relationship unless I’m doing it for completely selfless reasons, hell I don’t want to torpedo it at all, but I know how I would feel if someone I knew had information like this about someone I was planning to marry, and I would want them to step up.
AITA if I tell this girl whats been going on? Or should I just leave it alone and hope their relationship falls apart on its own?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Fzyap2fzcH4Gb8uwuCjVJiSaijxlgqvm
|
b202ny
| null |
WIBTA if I never paid my friend back the $161 I “owe” her?
|
I’ve actually cut this friend off before, but after a year of avoiding her, I forgot how bad she was & agreed to meet up. The place she picked was overpriced & I was about to suggest a different place when she mentioned it was her birthday, so I agreed to it.
The party was...awkward. I had earlier told her I could only stay for 1-2h because pregnancy has been making me really tired, but so many people seemed to some kind of excuse to show up late/leave early, so the dinner for supposedly 16 people ended up with just 8 people (3 were her family).
The staff kept asking if we would like to move to a smaller table, but she kept snapping that people were coming. Other friends did show up throughout the night, but they just came to munch/down shots & bolt. I could tell she was upset, so I decided to stay all the way until her cake came because I felt bad. She delayed the cake cutting until past 11:45 (dinner started at 8:30) because she kept hoping more people would show up but nope.
I was tired & starving the entire night since she did the ordering for the entire table, so there wasn’t much I could eat. I’ve developed gestational diabetes too & most of the food she ordered were raw, alcoholic, shellfish (I’m allergic), or full of carbs/sugar. I have to log my food for my diabetes management & I only had:
* 6 roasted Brussels sprouts
* 1 tablespoon of sautéed spinach
* 1/2 tablespoon of creamed spinach
* 4 thin slices of steak (no more than ~25g/0.88oz total. Meat makes me nauseous during pregnancy, especially when it’s rare, but I needed to eat so I forced myself)
* 3 small mouthfuls of pasta
* 2 teaspoon of bone marrow
* 1 slice of bread from the free bread basket (I know I’m not supposed to eat too much carbs, but I got too hungry)
2 days later, she told me to transfer $161 to her. She initially claimed it was $212, but I think someone else went “wtf” & she said she made a mistake and did the math wrong.
It was her birthday dinner & she did all the ordering, so I assumed she was paying. If I knew I had to pay, I would’ve ordered my own food & actually gotten to eat (a main course would’ve only cost $30-80).
To make it worse:
1. I overheard the waiter telling her the several appetisers were on the house since she knew one of the managers. She charged for them anyway. She sent us an excel spreadsheet instead of the actual bill to hide it.
2. She ordered for 16 people & 20+ people came, munched, and left, BUT she split the bill only between 9 people —her & her family, the 4 people who cared enough to stay all the way until the cake cutting, & the boyfriend of one of her friends, who came to pick her up & decided to munch on some of the leftovers since there were a LOT left over.
I’m just so pissed, I’ve been ignoring her messages for a while now. Is paying her back before cutting her off again the right thing to do?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 128,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 130,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Eqob1MltGPtiucWShKdd2PAQUgP2Q26v
|
9v1fuc
|
{
"description": "not letting cars merge into my lane",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not letting cars merge into my lane?
|
There’s several roads that I drive on regularly that have another lane merge into the left (UK) lane. It’s not a “merge in turn” and there’s no signs stating this. I stay in the left lane because it’s the lane that goes through the junction without having to merge in. Often, people will go in the other lane in order to skip traffic and then merge in. When people try to do this, I stay as close as I (safely) can to the car ahead, so that people can’t cut in front of me.
I’ve been beeped at and flipped off, even though they’re in the wrong and it’s my right if way. My dad says I should just let them merge but AITA for not letting people skip traffic and then push infront of me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
4dIzvUIXIHMF85N9fduzfiMEU3sQbKkV
|
b6k7hd
|
{
"description": "shutting down an all girls club at school",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For shutting down an all girls club at school?
|
I am 17...I study in a private high school.
Kindly excuse my English, it isn't very good.
My father is a garbage man, I have been extremely fortunate to get to study here. I genuinely feel like I deserve it since I worked really hard to ace the entrance exams and competitions.
I didn't feel very welcome when I got here at first. Everyone had parents who were millionaires or had a stable income, and a lot of them distanced themselves when I told them what my father did. I considered that a blessing though, since a few gems came by. Two of them also had parents who were lower middle class like me, so I really grew connected to them. We all have been the founders the school robotics club, and represent our school. We have won several national and international level competitions.
For the past few months, we have a STEM for women or something like that initiative taken by the school. I am completely for this and like the concept.
The problem just started when an all girls robotics club was formed. They took away 80% of our funding. I argued with the cultural secretary that we should have a 50/50 split, and I myself would guide them after class. It seemed nonsensical to me, it had far fewer members.
Despite this, I planned on helping them after school, but my first interaction was extremely unpleasant. I said fuck it and left mid way when one of them insinuated I was mansplaining and they all proceeded to laugh. I told them to not expect any help from me and that they would do terribly because they weren't serious about it.
Then the school proceeded to make them represent the school in all competitions, and they finished dead last in most. They clearly didn't know even the basics, since they had far more funding than there competitors. Their last model was just a dog shaped device that walked, taken straight from YouTube. You can make it in like 6 hours at most. They had so much funding, so it hurt me to see it all go to waste. When I told them to be passionate about it, they brushed it off.
We had a robot which solved the Rubik's cube with half the funds.
I wrote a long letter to the headmaster about the issue and the club got closed because of it.
I personally met the ex club president, telling her to make a club she actually liked and not waste the school's money. She apparently made a whole Instagram story about it with a crying emoji and called me a misogynistic asshole who brutally shut down her budding club before it even aquired it's wings. Something melodramatic like that.
She is pretty popular and has almost 4000 followers, so she is making me look bad in front of all these people.
I honestly don't really get her here. I think I am not in the wrong.
Would be glad if I could have an unbiased opinion though. I have said everything as it is.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
TYlR3SSMPRSgMQuqxqRQVBDi6JNm9qN4
|
ba1789
|
{
"description": "being upset that my fiancee works and plays (basketball, football, volleyball etc.) with his buddies MTWT and then expects to have guys night Friday",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset that my fiancee works and plays (basketball, football, volleyball etc.) with his buddies MTWT and then expects to have guys night Friday?
|
My fiancee is about to graduate from college but has been working at the gym for about a year. He's made a new group of coworkers who he plays sports with 4days out of the week. I typically don't mind because as a teacher I get home and still have more work to do. Friday is a rare evening off for me but recently they started a guys night. I don't see him throughout the week so by the time Friday comes around I want time with him. Saturdays are my errands day and he works. Sunday my side job (photography- ex I have headshot to do), cleaning, and preparing lessons for Monday. Ultimately this leaves hardly anytime for us. 4 years together and we don't fight so this feels horrible. I've voiced that I want to spend more time with him and he makes it seem like I'm being clingy by not wanting him to have guys nights on Fridays. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
z0LjIwUrp6hDkRTsXDHe9oeDrSNghy1p
|
at3ob4
|
{
"description": "not wanting my friend to bring a guy she's only been dating a month on a trip with us",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my friend to bring a guy she’s only been dating a month on a trip with us?
|
Three friends and I will be going to Nepal and doing the Everest Basecamp Trek this spring (a grueling 15 day hike). One of the friends recently asked if we’d be open to one more joining and then admitted this new person is a guy she’s been dating for a month, and she’s apparently already invited him prior to checking with us. As of right now the trip is farther away than the amount of time they’ve even been dating so I think this is just a bad idea in general. Additionally, I don’t have a lot of faith in this friend’s dating choices and haven’t liked a lot of her previous partners. I’ll be traveling up until the time we go to Nepal so I won’t get to meet him beforehand, and I fear I’m going to get stuck with a total douchebag on my once in a lifetime trip. Also, even if he’s a cool guy, there’s just a lot that could go wrong between them being so early in a relationship that I don’t want to get pulled into on the mountain. Is it okay for me to tell her she’s needs to uninvite him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
5JKXHUwLlQ6uG4NrUrmLqGMmf6613lBg
|
akipwc
|
{
"description": "asking my wife for an open relationship after two years without sex",
"pronormative_score": 347,
"contranormative_score": 160
}
|
AITA For asking my wife for an open relationship after two years without sex?
|
It feels weird to type but next year i will be 30. I have been married since i was 22. My wife is the same age.
3 years ago she had just beaten cervical cancer. She had surgery, and she was a soldier throughout the whole process. I am very proud of her.
After the surgery we didnt have sex for obvious reasons and i accepted that. However she still gave me oral sex frequently. I would try to please her as best i could without hurting her but its tough.
Eventually her sex drive disappeared completely. She just did not want to be intimate anymore. This has been going on for two years. She will give me oral sex on my birthday or special occasions but thats it.
I am still very attracted to my wife. I love her very much. I do not want to give up sex for the rest of my life.
I have talked to her numerous, countless times and shes just not into it anymore. Its not a pain thing but a desire thing.
I have been reading up on open relationships, basically just flings to satisfy my needs as a man while still living and loving my wife. She was not receptive of the idea at all to say the least.
Crying, yelling, you name it. She doesnt understand why id even ask. Even after i explain. I want to grow old with her but i dont want to be old now and give up sex.
I dont even know what i couldve done different in this besides just shut up and be celibate forever.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 154,
"OTHER": 129,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 218,
"INFO": 22
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 347,
"WRONG": 160
}
|
RIGHT
|
jZ8ZNaosXpYj8gJNK2Kpazzk3QxKWcN8
|
ajg8ir
|
{
"description": "not understanding my Aunt/Uncle's point of view",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not understanding my Aunt/Uncle’s point of view?
|
So my Aunt and Uncle live next door to my grandparents. My grandparents have 4 dogs, 2 older and 2 much younger. There have been some issues with the 2 younger dogs being slightly aggressive.
We suspect that these two dogs killed one of my Aunt and Uncles dogs (they’re 50 ish point mutts and the killed dog was a 5lb Chihuahua). We don’t have any actual evidence that they attacked it, they didn’t maul it or anything.
The incident with the Chihuahua was approximately 3 months ago, and nothing has happened since. That is until yesterday. The two young mutts, attacked one of my grandparents older dogs, who is harmless and gentle.
The decision was made to have the two mutts put down. They were separated and I assumed they’d be going to the vet today. Instead, my uncle took them out back this morning and *shot* them.
I don’t give a shit what they did, there’s a right way and a wrong way. AITA for thinking this is absolute madness, that this is in-humane?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KEID4Ama6T3CY4KI0XKLF8MDg2zow38B
|
b92nh4
|
{
"description": "not helping my sister move",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not helping my sister move?
|
I have a 28 year old older sister who is....a shit show. I’m 25, also female, and we have never gotten along. She is very impulsive and spoiled. We had a similar upbringing but I had her as a role model of all the things I didn’t want to be. I’m also currently in therapy for setting boundaries because I always end up being my family’s janitor (I have to solve everyone’s problems). But anyways, her life is always in crisis mode due to her lack of planning.
Well anyways, my sister and her boyfriend broke up on friday and my parents called and demanded offer her a place to stay. She has not talked to me in a few months because she is mad at me, so I said I am happy to host her as long as she is mature enough to call me herself instead of going through our parents. Parents and her complied.
Anyways, she has to move out of her boyfriends house and of course i get a call this morning from my parents saying they are in the city to help her move and I need to join. I work from home and it is very important to me to maintain a schedule. I also have been unable to work for two weeks because I was recovering from a minor surgery.
So I tell my parents no, and they start saying “you can miss work”. I say “I won’t see you before five, and after work I am walking the dog”. But now they have just called me again to renegotiate and say they are here all the way from home (2hr away - I usually go home once a month) and they want to see me, oh and also they need help unloading. Then when I say I can meet for dinner after walking the dog they say I’m full of excuses!
Yes, I don’t really like my older sister, but I think the real problem is that she’s 28 and has been taught that it doesn’t matter how much of a mess she lets her life become because my parents or me will always be there to break her fall. Why not just let her struggle so she learns to do better in the future??
Simple example, she makes the same salary I did when I worked an office job. In the three years I had it I was able to save $35k to take a few years off to focus on music. She has had the same type of job as me and has nothing in savings because she goes out drinking and to concerts every weekend. I don’t care that she does this, but then she always complains about not having money. So my parents come help her move because she’s “broke” and then she signs a new lease for a place that costs triple ($1800/mo) what she was just living in!
Maybe Im wrong, I usually try and manange my problems by myself as much as I can. I could easily rent a uhaul myself, or if I did need help, I would at least assure that the people helping were okay with the timeline!
I just feel like my parents enable her and I shouldn’t be expected to participate in this. But everyone in my family resoundingly thinks IATA. AITA?
**TL;DR:** sister and parents expect me to stop what I’m doing in middle of work day to help sister move on a whim.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
R0W31U6N4iY9Fa3hOb2ug0ZZETalTjia
|
9wn6pp
|
{
"description": "being mad at a joke",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being mad at a joke?
|
I was coming home from a long day at work, not my best day either, had food thrown at me 2 times and countless yelling and I was just dead tired. So about 15 minutes away from home I text my boyfriend if he could put some pasta on the stove so I can make a quick dinner and go to bed, he just said "sure" and that was that.
I get home and he's really giddy for some reason, I go in the kitchen and, well, there was pasta on the stove, not in a pot on the stove boiling but just 2 pieces of raw pasta on the stove top. He started laughing but I didn't find it funny, I was tired and all I asked of him was a simple task of putting some pasta in boiling water so I called him "a fucking cunt" and went to take a shower, I thought he would get a hint and actually do that but after I was done with my shower I went back in the kitchen and to my surprise and anger the two pieces of pasta were STILL on the stove top and he was in the living room playing video games.
This is where I think I overreacted, I didn't say anything to him but I went straight to the bedroom, took out his outfit for tomorrow because I know he has to leave earlier than me for work and put it on the kitchen table, went back to our bedroom, locked the door and went to sleep.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
UvM5UdOwKH4pX75LVAMUZa9MFNGonZZO
|
b8zthu
|
{
"description": "getting a tattoo without telling my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for getting a tattoo without telling my boyfriend?
|
Background: we're both in our late 20s/early 30s, been together ~18 months. No serious problems in the relationship.
I have a few tattoos and have an appointment to get a new one in a couple weeks. The new tattoo is something I've been thinking about getting for about a year. It's tasteful but sort of large (it'll be on one of my upper arms). My boyfriend has no particular opinion about my tats either way. He doesn't have any himself and doesn't really like them on other people, but he thinks mine are nice (because they are) and has a very strong "It's your body" attitude toward anything I want to do with mine. I don't always tell him before I change my hair color or style or get new glasses, and he has never even indicated that he has a problem with this - he respects my bodily autonomy and is attracted to me regardless.
The other day I brought up the subject of my upcoming new tattoo with an acquaintance and she asked if I'd told my boyfriend about it. I said no, because I honestly didn't think he'd care that much, and she reacted in a horrified way, telling me that such a big permanent modification to my body is something I should obviously consult my partner about, and I'm a bad girlfriend for not thinking to do so.
Honestly, I think it's nonsense - it's not like I'm getting a face tattoo or having someone else's name inked on me. It's partially inspired by (but not directly commemorative of) a friend who passed away last year, who my boyfriend only met once. The piece is meaningful on multiple levels and the artist has a really great style. I just don't think this is something my partner will have a ton of opinions on besides "Oh, cool tattoo," and he certainly wouldn't stop me from getting it. So, would I be the asshole for not consulting him before getting this?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
WuT2bAcBD1jjl6FK7AoEf1ajfaDeN699
|
b1y1gw
|
{
"description": "not wanting BF to visit me at work and flirting w/ customers",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting BF to visit me at work and flirting w/ customers?
|
I (21 F) have been w/ my BF since senior year of HS. We have a good relationship and typically don’t fight. We go to the same college. He comes from a poor background, but got a full ride so doesn’t have to worry about loans. My family is middle class but I don’t have a scholarship, we are a big family, and I am going into journalism, so loans are going to be a real issue for me. Because of this I work hard to earn as much as possible.
During school I work at the Office of the Bursar, babysit, write people’s papers, and run a small photography business. During the summer I have an internship with the newspaper 4 days a week, work as a receptionist in the evening, babysit, take photos, mow lawns when I can, and bartend on Friday and Saturday nights. I still find time to devote to my BF, family, friends, and school, but it’s hard.
The bar I work at is mostly 30-60 yr old guys and I get hit on a lot. Some of them are creepy but I don’t mind because I make good tips. My bf is turning 21 this summer and remarked he was excited to come into the bar I work at. I explained that I didn’t feel comfortable w/ that because a)it would be distracting and b)I would feel weird when the guys hit on me and I laugh and play along when he’s right there. He got very upset and accused me of basically cheating.
I told him that I understand where he’s coming from and I get that it’s upsetting to think about other ppl hitting on ur SO and ur SO having to play along with it. But he couldn’t realistically expect me not to be friendly with customers as a female bartender, and while I’ll admit to glamming myself up a little and wearing a push up bra, it’s not like I’m prostituting and I’m not unprofessional about it. And it’s very clear that I have ZERO interest in anything but these guys tips- like I said they are old and mostly gross. I think that although he doesn’t have to worry about loans, he should still understand doing what you have to to make money, since back in HS he did some illegal things for money because he was in a shitty situation, and flirting with customers is nowhere near what he used to do.
BF then says I’m being lazy and undignified by dressing up for these guys and being flirty for a tip. Normally I have pretty thick skin but this really offended me, as I work my ass off, so I called him an asshole and walked away. After cooling off I’m reconsidering my view. I am better at putting feelings aside to get a job done than most people, sometimes to a fault, and maybe it’s unrealistic to expect him to be ok with how I act at my job. He is not a controlling bf and doesn’t usually get insecure, even though I have a lot of guy friends. I would appreciate the input because I love my bf and would feel terrible if I’m actually in the wrong here!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
K6F4EnoMcOJk0kKkcpzQGNkVsaHhUzRD
|
b25bsy
|
{
"description": "being upset that my best friend kissed my ex",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For being upset that my best friend kissed my ex?
|
A Little background: My ex and I broke up in January. I still like her, my best friend stopped me from dating her again. I asked if he liked her two nights and he denied. We are all in the same friend group so we meet on a semi-regular basis.
We all went to a party at friends house yesterday. Everyone was getting super drunk but I didn't because I had coursework to finish the next day. Throughout the night I noticed that my friend was acting cosier with my ex than usual but I shrugged it off as they're friends. On the way back to my house my best friend drunkenly tells me that he "begged" (his words) for her to kiss him and that she obliged three times. I told my best friend that this upset me and he shrugged it off then continued to tell me that he would have sex with her if given the chance. I haven't talked to either of them yet. AITA For being upset that he kissed my ex?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
n38tCQT7SxGMXGUKzPvqCL3FbCmQIF68
|
apkz0b
|
{
"description": "hanging out with a friend instead of my bf after a few busy days",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for hanging out with a friend instead of my bf after a few busy days?
|
So a throwaway because i'm pretty sure my bf knows my actual account, basically last week I was busy with appointments for a few days straight and couldn't really spend time with my boyfriend during the evening, but was still able to spend some time during the day (we are a ldr and mainly talk online). After all those busy days, I had a free day, so I decided to spend some time with a friend I haven't hanged out with in a while, and my bf got very pissed at me, he was in a shitty mood and took it as an excuse to treat me like shit, and claimed that he was hurt because I had a bunch of busy days where I couldn't spend the evening with him and then I choose to spend it with a friend and not him. Then yesterday I asked if I could hang out with my mom for the day and he got in a pissy mood (although we ended up cancelling our plans anyways)
I tried to make a compromise and fix what was wrong by saying I'd spend more time with him and schedule my shit better, so basically I wouldn't hang out with people after a few busy days BUT I asked him to not hurt me anymore and say shitty things to me when he's mad, and he replies "no promises" I lose my shit and tell him "if you're not going to fucking put in the effort in this relationship I won't either" and he seemed to not care about that at all.
Does he have a right to be upset? I do care for him and I don't want him to think I put priority on things over him. I also don't want him to be the only thing my life revolves around of course. If I treated him unfairly I'd apologize to him but I'm honestly not sure. Some people say this would be controlling behavior, but wouldn't anyone be pissed if their partner didn't spend enough time with them?
I guess this is two AITAs, should he be allowed to say whatever he wants to me while pissed? I feel everybody has the right to feel what they feel and I don't believe in telling people "don't be sad" or "don't be angry", because those are reasonable responses to being wronged. Over the course of my life I've had people say really hurtful (imo) things to me when they're pissed, should I just let them say these things because obviously what I've done warrants it? I used to think people were mean to me a lot but I'm starting to follow the phrase "if everything smells like shit, look under your shoe"
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
O0SuWUkIWChNXxBk2kxjizpiEG16FHVZ
|
alkrda
|
{
"description": "never telling my best friend for 11 years when I'm in town",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for never telling my best friend for 11 years when I'm in town.
|
She doesn't know about this but I want to know if I'm the asshole or not for my own conscious. I have been best friends with Kelly since I was 11, we are both 27 now. We grew up in the same small town and hung out literally every day all through middle and high school. We got into dumb trouble drinking underage but stayed good students and very active volunteering, in sports, and school clubs. We went to the same college and even though we didn't see each other every day we still hung out at least 3 times a week.
After college, I wanted to move to a big city and at first she agreed but backed out down the line. Which I expected, I mean I've known her most of my life. I go back to our hometown every couple of months and I would love to see her but she does a lot of coke. Every time I've been back and hung out with her, we always snort coke. I have never done it here in the city I live in and am really trying to make a name for myself in this profession. I just have the issue of knowing if she's doing it, I'll probably participate. Am I the asshole for just avoiding her, my closest friend, because I know I'll do it if I'm around her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
BbMP9vUzWtpMvlNoKqseKSFQ4z14y1SF
|
az4jjz
|
{
"description": "not wanting to share personal things or talk with my family who gossips",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I don’t want to share personal things or talk with my family who gossips?
|
My family on my mother’s side has always been super “close”. I say this because my family thinks they are close with everyone but in reality they only know so much about one another because of everyone gossiping and having a big mouth. Anything that goes on in my family, everyone finds out somehow. So growing up my cousin, my older sister and I were super close. Told each other everything. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized how toxic my family is and the reason why I was so depressed in the past was because of my family and where I was living. I moved almost 2 years ago to live with my husband in the uk due to the military. I do miss home sometimes but I’m very happy I moved to the uk. Best decision ever honestly. I am somewhat close with my older sister but our relationship definitely has changed. My cousin and I are not close at all now. We grew apart or I should say I grew apart from her because of how toxic she is and how shitty she makes me feel. She has always bullied me growing up, etc. Anyways my family has this negative view of my husband (even though they never had time to get to know him and they can’t just assume how he is). My husband is my best friend and the sweetest man, but my family likes to gossip and start drama. So I’ve been hearing stuff from my sister how I never talk to anyone in the family since I moved and how they are all worried about me (because of my husband). They think my relationship is like my parents which is very offensive to me because my dad is very disrespectful and an asshole. None of my family likes him. Anyways my cousin and I recently spoke on the phone and she was complaining how I never tell her anything anymore and that she always has told me things. I just don’t think I’ll ever want to share things with my family because of how toxic they are. Am I the asshole if I want to stop speaking to most of my family?
Btw I love my younger siblings and one of my eldest brothers, so they don’t apply to this post.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
TEgjQeTy4aFo4XPNe7whxDqOZF1GGKdn
|
b3rasb
|
{
"description": "wanting to make money back on charity auction prizes",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for wanting to make money back on charity auction prizes?
|
My dear best friend lost her husband to cancer a few months ago and last week she held a charity ball and fundraiser for the charity that helped during his illness.
It was a fantastic night and they managed to raise around £22,000 for the charity.
There was various different ways of raising money but near the end of the night they held an auction. Our table had many, many drinks throughout the evening and my husband was quite merry. He decided he wanted to bid on a few item but with alcohol involved he ended up going further than he should have. We got a signed painting of a footballer and signed football boots. Worn and signed by a very well known UK football player. He paid £550 in total for these.
It turns out that neither of the items actually come with an authentication certificate. Neither myself or my husband are over enthusiastic about the purchases but we are glad that the money went to charity. However when I voiced to friends that I was quite upset that there was no way to prove they were authentic and therefore had very little chance of resale, my friends stated I was an asshole for even being annoyed. She said it was for charity and that's all that matters. I still feel like if we've paid an amount of money for something thinking it was genuine we should at least get what we were promised? I know nothing can be done now but I wanted others opinions on this to see if i am being unreasonable or not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
17xMLQlWglA4Z2UuNXu5md474YKHPaUh
|
aq9yg6
|
{
"description": "arguing with my dm regarding my characters personality and gimmick",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for arguing with my dm regarding my characters personality and gimmick?
|
So i got into an argument with my dm and parts of my dnd group regarding the handling of my character. I’m playing a charismatic fighter who’s goal is to reform his old vigilante/mercenary group (basically the Minutemen from fallout 4) this requires me to go about recruiting willing people to join my cause, be they mercenaries,beggars, etc etc. This campaign has been planned for about 6 months and I remember deciding in passive aggressive anger over something I’ve forgotten that instead of working up to making the “not” Minutemen I would start with the company already formed with about 120 troops. The dm offered no push back at all on this.
The session started and we were being hired by the king to go find the queen who had been taken by the generic baddies. He was also sending his son to accompany us and to serve as our blank cheek (meaning we wouldn’t have to pay for anything at all during our campaign) I informed the king that he would have to also pay for my mercenary company’s maintenance costs. Seeing as I had point tons of points into charisma I expected me to be told to make a charisma roll. No such luck. Instead I ended up in an hour long in character discussion with the king about paying for my company. No roles, just arguing. Eventually the king agreed to pay for my company seeing as I planned to use them during the adventure. With that concluded, we set off to the market and tavern to both give orders to my company and also purchase anything we needed before setting off. It was at this point that I asked the prince to buy me plate armor from the local store, which the warforged shop owner cheerful gave to me for free. At Lvl 1. We then proceeded to the tavern to give orders to the company to set up camp elsewhere in the kingdom and wait for further instructions as well as breaking off 10 men to accompany us to the next town for auxiliary work (not participate in combat) as well as to give another player who couldn’t make it to the session a reason to be with the party since he was one of my mercenaries. We set off to the next town, when on the way there we discovered some traps on the road, the dm then said that we disarmed them, no roll, or even who disarmed them, just that we disarmed them with no input from any players. We were then ambushed by ravens and a tree person (I think a dryad). After that was sorted we went to the next town and ended the session there.
Over the next few days the topic of my character came up in the group chat and we were told we would be voting as a party what would happen to my character, explicitly being told that of our group consisting of seven, six would have to agree to banning my character. after a lengthy discussion where I was told that I was ruining the game due to my mercenary company being disruptive to the game flow, me and two other party members argued that the only time they came up in a way that effected the party was in the hour long discussion that was only due to me not being told to roll charisma. The dm then proceeded to tell me that I had to make a new character because my current one was so disruptive to the game. Every time me and the other two party members pointed out why it was bullshit (the two party members backstories relied on my character existing, me having less effect on the game then other players) we were told by another player that what the dm says is final and we should stop arguing. It was at this point that me and the other two considered leaving since i was being told to drop a character I had invested a bit of work into and that we essentially had no say in what happened despite being told we would. After some more discussion I said that I was perfectly happy to go to my original idea of trying to reform the company instead of already starting with it (as was my original intent) this was followed by another hour of arguing about how I couldn’t recruit people to join us because the dm didn’t want to deal with an entire new party, thus defeating the purpose of my character. We did eventually come to the conclusion to restart the game and allow me to recruit characters to assist our party.
Right now however I’m not sure if my actions were appropriate, the two other party members seem to this so but I’m not sure myself. I acknowledge that starting with the mercenary company was a bad idea done in spite which is why I was so willing to reverse it, but I don’t know about the dm’s response of flat out banning my charismatic fighter. I’m curious to hear others thoughts on this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
INFO
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
QV7vARN9H8Tij933LjaXdSQQzSO9ARWW
|
9uyjla
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend he's an alcoholic",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend he’s an alcoholic?
|
My boyfriend gets defensive when I tell him he has a drinking problem. He tells me he “doesn’t qualify” because he doesn’t drink everyday. This is true, but when he does drink he thinks he needs to be hammered. The night will eventually lead to him throwing up and passing out around 6am. He turns into a completely different person when he’s drunk and I usually spend the night cooped up in our bedroom because I don’t want to deal with his antics.
The thing is, his mom is DEFINITELY an alcoholic. She drinks all of the time and just got out of a DUI (luckily) because I answered my phone for the cops at 2am and came to get her. I know alcoholism runs in families and I don’t want him to end up in the same boat as his mom.
So AITA for telling my boyfriend he is an alcoholic and needs help? I love him dearly and just want him to be safe. Also, if I am the asshole, how to I go about fixing this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3CeWLMUnJ8xsNgNP3YWqbuJ8hIymX8rU
|
9xkawy
|
{
"description": "not wanting to talk to my friend while she's drunk",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to talk to my friend while she's drunk?
|
I've had a good friendship with her for years and still do when she's sober. We talk on the phone just about every day and she's great then, we have a similar sense of humor and interests and we help each other through rough times.
I just don't like talking to her when she's drunk now, she used to get a little bit verbally abusive while she was drunk but we had a talk and she's a lot better about that. I still don't feel like talking to her though because I know I'll become an emotional babysitter and she won't remember the conversation.
AITA for not wanting to be there as a friend for her while she's drunk? I know I get emotional when I drink a lot (thankfully that's rare now) but I just don't want to put up with it
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
iS2jzW0DWDfCvUrmjaAKea410hpsuBM1
|
b2ju4c
|
{
"description": "only doing half the houshold chores if my Roommate works fulltime",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for only doing half the houshold chores if my Roommate works fulltime?
|
Hey :) Throwaway since my roommate knows my main Reddit Account.
I moved in with my new roomate who also happens to be my best friend 6 months ago. I'm a university Student who is working part-time to pay for my share of the rent / food etc.
My friend is working 8 hours a day with 90 minutes getting to work and back to our appartment again which means he doesn't has alot of time on workdays.
​
We both obviously have our own bank accounts and we both pay for our own expenses - if something special for the appartment comes up we share the bill.
​
Even tho i'm working part time, i am right now earning more money since he is still in "job training" and only gets the minimum ammount required for living - it seems to piss him off that i have more time and money so in his reasoning i should keep the appartment clean since he has to work everyday and doesn't want to spend the little freetime he has cleaning the dishes or something else.
​
At the moment i have little to do for university which will change again in a few months so even with the part-time job and university stuff i still have quite some freetime for myself.
​
We made a cleaning plan at the start when we moved in which he agreed with but now he believes that it is handled unfair since it shouldn't be 50/50
AITA for only doing my share of the chores? I'm really torn on this since i don't want to do everything in the appartment by myself but he's also my best friend and i kinda wanna help him out. I'm allready trying to help (for example doing his part when i know hes gonna be extra late or has to get up very early the next morning) but he doesn't seem to recognize that and has labled me as "lazy" a few days ago.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
tQQFd8QHxhbcWapxmTXx0FfvQaWMwLFI
|
ahfkyg
|
{
"description": "not telling my friend I was getting a promotion",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not telling my friend I was getting a promotion.
|
So just got a promotion at job after being here for 2 years over a friend of mine who’s been here for 5. Up until today we had the same job titles and responsibilities and were also good friends outside of work, he was even in my wedding.
After an initial congratulations he tells me that he thinks I should have confided in him ahead of time rather than waiting for the official announcement and was mad that I didn’t.
He helped get me hired when I started and like I said he’s a really good friend. I didn’t feel comfortable saying anything until it was official and it was a little strange that I was getting put ahead of someone who’s been here longer. I also didn’t think it would be a big deal.
I already apologized b/c at the end of the day I value our friendship over my ego, but I can’t help feel like I didn’t do anything wrong. I am genuinely sorry that ticked him off though, regardless of how.
But I clearly have some doubts about the whole thing so, am I the asshole here? Thanks,
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
chicNrtbttWo0M0NiteUhKe4fqzg7sps
|
a16trq
|
{
"description": "calling out a teacher who lied to us and wasted our holiday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out a teacher who lied to us and wasted our holiday?
|
I'm 15, in tenth grade, and taking iGCSEs. The way it works in the US, I think, is you take the most important exam of your school career in twelfth grade, the last year of school, right? For us taking *international* (not sure about the UK) GCSEs, we do our single most important exam in year ten. I've known someone who applied to university at 16 with their year ten report card and would you believe it, they got in. It's a very difficult curriculum.
​
Right, so term finals are coming up next week, and it just so happens to coincide with National Day, which is in all countries I think, a holiday. I was thrilled because I'm sort of lagging in physics so it was a great chance to catch up, you know, because school takes away 8 potential hours of revision a day. The day before national day though, our physics teacher hands us our grades (they're shit) and says that because they're shit she'll have us do an extra mini-quiz as a sort of bonus question if we show up on ND. She also said that even if just one student shows up, she'll do the exam. We all groan but there's no question about it, our grades are awful and we can't afford to not do this. I asked her if she was entirely sure and she got all upset what with me questioning the legitimacy of her offer and all that. Mind you, I have not slept more than 7 hours in the past month and was thankful for this holiday so I could catch up, if for a bit.
So we show up and she's fucking absent. She's not there. Fucking piece of shit pulled one over on us and didn't even show up. She made us wake up at 5 and half in the morning, having studied the night before, and wasted our holiday while she stayed at home. I was livid, somehow more so than the others, and when we had physics today (this ordeal happened yesterday), I brought it up before she even began teaching. I raised my hand and said how I *only* showed up yesterday to that quiz, and how I was planning on spending that time at home studying, and she got immediately defensive talking about how she was "terribly sick" and talking a great deal of shite about how we she placed her health before anyone else and before our education, and how this was "non of our business". I told her that she had made it our business by having us show up to school on what would have been a holiday and she said we "had no right" "interrogating" her over what is "her legal right". Clearly, she was thinking of this legally while I was thinking of it ethically. It doesn't quite sit well with me, telling kids to give up their holiday and then standing them up like that, it really doesn't. By the way, "sick" my ASS. My absolute ass. Is it a coincidence that she "got sick" the only day that nobody could penalize her for it?
But somehow I found myself wondering if I was being a bit of asshole myself, you know? What do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
X2fqfWbbwTORbre6WiZ7i90hMPykqI2h
|
arzfml
|
{
"description": "being naked in front of my pets",
"pronormative_score": 132,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being naked in front of my pets?
|
This has never been an issue for me but so many people told me I’m borderline (sexually) abusing my pets that I don’t know what to believe anymore.
To set the scene for you, I live in an open space studio apartment which is relatively small and the only room thats divided from the rest is the bathroom, so basically no privacy. I also live with my 2 dogs I adopted.
A few days ago, my friend who occasionally petsits for me called my phone and I ran to answer it, telling her I was just in the shower. She asked me where my dogs were and I told her in the room (I mean where else would they be). This snowballed into a conversation about pets and nudity in our whole friend group and I admitted that I change clothes in front of my pets, walk topless from time to time, basically I live my life without having to be decent in front of my animals. The only thing I 100% do not do is engage in any form of sexual activity around them, ever.
This became a raging debate for nearly everyone I hang out with and the replies are 70-30 in favor of it being weird, reasons being they’re animals and their natural instinct is to sexualize females, they cannot consent to seeing my naked body, I’ve even been told that it could count as animal abuse of my pets and if the shelters I adopted them from knew thats what was happening they would refuse the adoptions or take the dogs away.
My firm opinion has been that it’s my home and they’re animals and to me it’s ridiculous to say they will sexualize me because they see me naked. We aren’t even the same species!!! How can I be attractive to them? I’m not exposing them to any sexual activity they might recognize. Honestly, I never even thought twice about this so I genuinely don’t know if I’m being ignorant to my dogs or if everything is being blown way out of proportion.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 132,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 132,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Yen6U81372qQ206bBnUF70JATifDc7Wl
|
akeb3k
|
{
"description": "refusing to be partners with a good friend in a group project",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For refusing to be partners with a good friend in a group project?
|
Background: High school Freshman, Male
A few weeks ago my AP English teacher assigned a year long group research paper on the writing style of “Jane Eyre” and how it contributed to the overall story. She said that we could partner with whomever we wanted, but we must be in groups of 5-7. I have a friend in this class who I’ll call R. I’ve been friends with R for 2 years, but never actually had any classes with him. This year was the first time we have had a class, and it’s also when I realized that I don’t like working with him in school. Despite him being a good student, he sucks up to our teacher on extreme levels, is very extroverted and has a “My way or the highway” mentality that came out on every other project that we’ve worked on together thus far, and is very belittling and doesn’t let anyone else do any work. When we were getting into groups, R asked if I could join. I was on the fence, until I saw the other people he had picked to be in it, all of which were who you could consider “popular” kids that I didn’t really like, including one girl who never stopped talking about herself and always fished for compliments by calling herself ugly, and another girl who was extremely racist, despite being black. They were toxic people, and when R is around them, he acts like a completely different person and is a total asshole to anyone that isn’t them. I also have another friend named A who is in that class, who, like me, is not talkative and very introverted. I asked if he could join, and of course, R told me no because the racist girl doesn’t like Asians very much.
At this point, I knew that I would be in hell if I joined this group, and decided to decline. I joined with A, Another friend named L, and 2 others that I was acquainted with. R was OK and understanding of this decision, as he knows that we are not compatible when working on projects, but the others in his group called me selfish and an asshole for not joining them and doing a project with my friend, and even tried to convince him not to be friends with me anymore. I think that what I did was completely OK, but since I did have people disagreeing, a decided to this subreddit if I am in the wrong or not. Thank you for your input in advance
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
P6Njg9abw6aX8DmfDgNmPxoXjnNPxZls
|
9w3x72
|
{
"description": "getting someone's car towed because they were illegally parked in a handicap space",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA: For getting someone's car towed because they were illegally parked in a handicap space
|
Okay this happened a while back and I caught some shit for it on my school's Facebook page. I was on campus headed to get food in my mobility aid and my school has color coded parking.(red=residential, blue= disabled, white=faculty, green= student.)
Blue passes entitle you to every space on campus unless it's explicitly reserved for something else and even when a parking lot is reserved for an event you can tell the parking monitor to please move the blockade bc you need that spot thanks.
Anyway I saw a sports car with a residential pass and no handicap tag/plates parked Ina spot that was explicitly signaled as exclusively a handicapped space so not just in a lot only disabled people or the faculty was allowed to park in. I posted on the school page first to give them a chance to move their car before I reported it and when It didn't get moved I reported it and I got blown off by one of the parking monitors who said she'd try to find who's car it was so I reported it to someone higher up and the car got towed.
i got a lot of shit from people once someone else mentioned that the car had been towed on my post line "well karma and it was none of your business."
And "you probably just seriously ruined someone's day."
So am I the asshole, Reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
3dl1udNjdPTtbUbVB0h3npV2OZuDR6Q4
|
ak7s36
|
{
"description": "taking a drive through parking spot at the mall during busy holiday shopping",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for taking a drive through parking spot at the mall during busy holiday shopping
|
This happened in December but it still gnaws at me sometimes.
I always take drivethroughs when parking if I can (i.e., a situation where there are no cars in either the front or back spot so you can drive right through—don’t know how else to explain it). I don’t like driving in parking lots, reversing to back into a spot or reverse to get out. Just driving straight into a drive through parking spot means you are facing out and can just drive right out when you’re done—no reversing.
So I was shopping at the mall during Christmas time and even though it was crazy busy I got lucky saw a drive through and just went for it. There’s somebody behind me who sees this and follows behind me so that he would have the back spot and I would have the front.
Well I’m half way in and somebody else coming from the front starts to drive in, so now I’m sandwiched! The man coming from the front is so mad at me—dagger eyes coming from a guy who has been searching for a spot during holiday Christmas shopping time and it’s just taken from him. But i can’t back down because there’s a guy behind me too.
I’m sorry if that was confusing but AITA for taking a drivethrough parking spot during busy Christmas season.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
CLBoJHzOiFGZDpXM4EXU6NOTBr21zU6d
|
b2y3xa
|
{
"description": "being angry that my family is making me care for my Great Aunt who had a stroke",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA: For being angry that my family is making me care for my Great Aunt who had a Stroke.
|
I am currently a high-schooler and it is Spring break where I live. My great Aunt is a very nice person but due to her mental state needs to be watched and cared for at all times. She stays with us far three to four months a year because she likes spending time with us and we do not want to put her in a "home" of any sort.
​
Since I have a broken Leg and am recovering from surgery I had a few weeks ago on it, My parents decided I could not go on our ski vacation, and that I would Have to stay home. When my aunt who was caring for my Great aunt heard of this she decided she could pass on The great Aunt to me and make me care for her and then go on a spring break trip of her own. Now I am stuck caring for My great aunt all alone while the people who should be taking responsibility go on vacation. Am I an Asshole for despising my Mom and Aunt right now and not wanting to care for my great aunt?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
DnbklcSSK1rlDIFv3mikLoUxkDoYQeEs
|
a0cr02
|
{
"description": "getting my friend's ex arrested",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA if I got my friend's ex arrested
|
So, my friend, lets call her KC had a BF, we can call him Kenny or whatever. Kenny is a diagnosed sociopath, his brain is literally wired differently from other people, and he doesn't have empathy for anyone, really. He's also really intelligent and manipulative. KC and Kenny first broke up half a year ago, I found him screaming at KC with her in a fetal position, completely hysterical. The week before he had also apparently kicked her lip open.
After that he blocked her everywhere, but called me, KCs mother, and other close friends to tell tales about how "she was hanging out in drug dens" and other bullshit. He cooled off after I talked to him, mostly because I was about one more thing away from splitting a bottle over his face. Then he started stalking her. He tried getting a job at her job, he has hacked most of her social media at least 5 different times, and has threatened to kill one of our closest friend, this really friendly, awkward guy.
The problem is that she still has feelings for him, and doesn't want him to get hurt, the only reason I haven't done the brotherly thing and smashed his skull in with some friends. Finally she got rid of him, only for him to weasel his filthy ass back into her life. He has threatened to kill a 15-year old boy, another one of our friends, he has threatened to kill KC, and her DOG, the last of which made me so angry I had to be restrained from stabbing him with a pocket knife. Now they are hanging out again, and I am just so fucking sick of this.
Would I be the Asshole to get him arrested on false charges? I know he has already done some criminal shit, but the only thing our police cares about is drugs, so would it be wrong to ruin his life by planting drugs on him? At this point I feel it's either gonna be that, or me/one of my friends putting a knife through his face, because he doesn't seem to ever stop.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
N3E2J4JURHN4PtzytNot5DEWRLf3wA5f
|
ahegzl
| null |
AITA: My boyfriend's birthday is coming up and I mixed up the day.
|
Hear me out. For my boyfriend's birthday, I told him we were going out of town together for a weekend. I asked that he pick the weekend that works best because he has kids and i would never want to infringe on that time. He picked the weekend, I rented a gorgeous cabin, we had a wonderful time.
My boyfriend's birthday is on the 26th, I have a festival on the 27th. Today, I asked if he had plans for his birthday, he said he didn't know. I asked if he wanted to hang out, he said he didn't know. That's when I made the mistake; "well, i've got the festival on Saturday." I thought his birthday, the 26th was on friday and the festival, the 27th was on Saturday. Turns out, his birthday is on a Saturday and the festival is Sunday.
He says "so you made plans on my birthday?" I told him no, I made sure it wasn't on his birthday just in case, it's on the 27th. He follows that up with saying "with all due respect, sweetheart, you don't know when my birthday is." And then goes on to tell me not to feel guilty for not knowing and saying he'll just spend it alone.
I've already done his big birthday, I offered to hang on his actual birthday, I just mixed up what day of the week it landed on. Full disclosure, I did react like an ass after this and said "what day of the week is my birthday on this year?" And he just said "thanks for that"
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
yYSM4KmuXs2h9eQ0O55S24fCKdJXieh1
|
alln18
|
{
"description": "telling a friend not to drink or eat at other friends house",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling a friend not to drink Or eat at other friends house?
|
Years ago, after clubbing my friend A, we went back to A’s house. We were drunk as hail eating in the kitchen when suddenly she pulls out a big glass, and while standing in the kitchen, pees in it. She said her dress was too tight and she would not make it to the bathroom. She then poured it down the kitchen sink, and there were dishes there. She just said it didn’t Matter, urine is sterile, and she had a dishwasher. A few days later, friend B said she was going over to a’s house for dinner, and I ended up telling her. Friend A was super mad, and in fact we still don’t talk. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
w3Kzz9rc85pJO650F4NzBK9cIt5YXyNW
|
aw3jqr
|
{
"description": "telling my mother I want my step mom to sit with my father during the ceremony",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For telling my mother I want my step mom to sit with my father during the ceremony?
|
On mobile,sorry for the format and there will be a TL;DR.
So today I finally brought up the subject to my mother that I wanted my father to sit with his wife during my wedding. He and my mother have been divorced almost 20 years and he remarried back in 2004, she remarried 2 years ago but my stepfather passed due to liver failure. She flipped her shit and got professionally offended,saying she wasnt going to share the church pew row with her,she didnt raise me,and I had some audacity to ask her that,as well as treating her like shit. My stepmother has done nothing but treat my father, myself and my brother amazingly. My mom refuses to meet her because she still holds on to the past and constantly spits poison about her and my father.
My mother made him leave due to constant infidelity,him in general not being around, and religious differences which they couldn't agree on where my brother and I would go to church.
My father did continue with his terrible lifestyle up until the point he had a serious medical issue that almost killed him and from there he turned his life around,getting clean,making time for my brother and I, trying to be apart of our lives, and sticking to his religious beliefs.
For context of our relationship my mother, post divorce for roughly 6 years, would take her anger and frustrations out on me because Iook just like my father and I had given up on myself at school due to constant harassment. Which in turn would cause a vicious cycle, crap beat out of me at school, being put down,wouldnt do my work,bad grades,mom saw grades,beating with a belt. Then her and dad would get into something trivial and she would treat me like crap on top of that,not making me dinner, took everything out but clothes,sheet and a pillow in my room. Would leave me at work with no ride back and would deny my brother coming to get me. Would also try to control every aspect of my life, such as work,extracurricular activities, etc. Which she had managed to do with my brother.
Needless to say once I could drive myself I made myself scarce and she still tried to control me. What caused me to eventually leave was a fight over the car I had bought with my money. After I had left I would live with friends and bounce around town until I managed to get a decent enough job to live on my own a few years back. Back in 2012 she had finally realized how bad she was treating everyone around her and finally got help but it seems over the past few years shes been regressing.
I feel like the day should be about my fiance and I and celebrating our love. As well as everyone enjoying the day and putting personal feelings aside to celebrate with us, at least being civil with each other. Was I an asshole for my request?
TL;DR:
Told my mother I wanted my stepmother to sit with my dad during my wedding,bad divorce between parents,moms a control freak,flipped her shit over the request. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
5q0bZAQz5PcWh3kYe5vFqDz6PDCYO9fb
|
b3s5pm
|
{
"description": "actively avoiding my family",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for actively avoiding my family?
|
I’m sorry for my spelling and my grammar, English is not my first language.
In the last few months, my (16F) grandparents have come over to our house many times. I don‘t know why but when they see me, they always make rude comments about my appearance or my habits. My grandmother is even worse than my grandfather. She constanly says racist things and I can‘t stand it. Once I tried to tell her that the things she said were wrong and not true but she wouldn’t listen to me, I even had to apologise to her because I was told that it was not okay to argue with her, even if she‘s wrong. In the past, my parents and I would go over to their house during weekends to eat lunch but I haven‘t joined them much the last few months. I make up excuses to not be there. I don‘t see my grandparents that much anymore even if they live just about 2 minutes away from me. Spending time with them makes me feel sad and depressed and when my grandmother throws her rude comments around, I want to cry because she makes me feel so down or because she makes me furious with her attitude. Sometimes, when they‘re at our house, I try to hide or to pretend that I‘m not home. I also try to avoid them at family gatherings because I‘m embarassed when they start to make comments.
I know that my behaviour is kind of wrong and it makes me feel guilty because they‘re my grandparents but AITA for wanting to take care of my mental health?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ePHNfbx03FQHTaKXUhPNu90qszdvJ8oj
|
a7sjvo
| null |
AITA: Didn't let colleague bring his hookup to my house
|
Hi, Reddit! A while back I was working at a festival for a week, alongside a bunch of guys I knew pretty well. Some of them worked there permanently, but there were a couple who were just there for the festival like me.
Anyway, one of them was a fairly good buddy of mine (we used to grab a beer every couple of months, not BFFs or anything) and he lived way out in the sticks - a 45 minute or hour-long drive away. I have a spare room so I said he could sleep there for the week if he wanted.
So the first two nights everything is fine, we worked until 3 or 4am then went home, went to sleep, all's well. The next night a girl he was vaguely seeing rocked up at the bar, they both got trashed and he wanted to bring her back to my place so they could hook up. I said no: didn't feel comfortable with it, and I know it sounds weird but I have a rescue cat who isn't too happy about having strangers around at the best of times, and I didn't want her getting too traumatised.
He didn't make too much of a fuss about it at that point but the next day was really pissed, said that they ended up sleeping in his car and that if I couldn't be cool about it he just wouldn't stay at my place at all. I said he was welcome to stay for the rest of the week but the deal didn't involve guests and definitely didn't include noisy drunk sex in my house. He stayed somewhere else in the end but complained and said I broke "bar buddy code".
AITA? Should I have let them stay? (The girl lived pretty far away as well, and driving probably shouldn't have been an option for either of them, given their state.) (If it makes a difference, I'm a woman and live alone.)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
62ptvQtP0KKlLmaIdzwgTaXfxuriyzs3
|
ba5xuw
|
{
"description": "pointing out how unsafe it is to allow babies to sleep with blankets and toys",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for pointing out how unsafe it is to allow babies to sleep with blankets and toys?
|
This happened a few months ago, but it occasionally nags at me.
An old coworker recently had a baby. She's fairly young, around 20, and wasn't prepared for a baby. However, it seems like she's been doing the best she can and her daughter is safe and happy, for the most part.
Well, she posted a photo of her baby on Facebook in her crib. She was surrounded by toys, laying on a boppy pillow and covered by a blanket. She captioned her picture "X just woke up so happy!" or something along those lines, basically indicating that this is how her baby slept.
Anyone who has cared for children knows that this is a huge no-no. Babies are supposed to sleep in an empty crib, otherwise you increase their risk of crib death.
I work in childcare, I have for a few years (Former coworker does not, we worked together at a second job that I had at a grocery store). I am a huge advocate for child safety, especially things like car seats and safe sleeping practices. So many new moms don't know that certain things are unsafe and with the culture of "don't give me advice unless I ask", many people just choose not to speak up. I would feel absolutely sick if I saw something like this and by some horrible chance, that child passed away or was injured due to unsafe practices in the future and I chose not to speak up.
I commented on the photo something along the lines of, "Hey girl, be super careful of letting her sleep with things in her crib like that, it can be really unsafe for little ones!" I tried my hardest not to sound condescending and friendly.
The thing is, she wasn't even really bothered by it. She sort of disregarded me, but in an equally friendly manner. I didn't argue with her, I informed her and did my part and felt like that was that. But then, all of her mom friends jumped down my throat about how I shouldn't give unsolicited advice to moms and they were being pretty nasty. They stated that since I didn't have children myself, I shouldn't have opened my mouth. I apparently cannot know anything about caring for babies if I didn't push my own own, despite the fact that I was very active in raising my sister after she was born when I was 16, as well as the fact that I'm state-certified in infant and child care.
I just don't know if I was an asshole here. I think maybe I could've just kept my mouth shut, but this was a baby's safety that was being compromised, and it felt wrong to say nothing. The mom wasn't even entirely bothered, it was her friends more than anything. What do you guys think? Could I go about this better in the future, or just keep my mouth shut completely?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
dX6Q4sDB6RFj22Gr4in82d2xLkKUwO30
|
b6h3rz
|
{
"description": "wanting to eat something that doesn't make me sick",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to eat something that doesn’t make me sick?
|
So mum likes to make this dish and the sauce makes me feel sick, even the thought of eating it makes me feel sick, but she’s still cooking it and got upset when I asked if I could cook something else instead.
I said that she can’t eat onion so I leave it out and don’t cook it, why can’t she do the same?
I pointed out that I’m away from the house at my boyfriends for dinner maybe once every 2 weeks, why can’t she cook it when I’m not here? and I offered to cook something else for her but she declined and insisted on cooking something that makes me ill. AITA for wanting food that won’t make me feel sick?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Twd4wvKMESaeRROAIHcKf4liOtSWrbWo
|
b1kc6u
|
{
"description": "not wanting my best friend to name her child the same name as my child",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for not wanting my best friend to name her child the same name as my child
|
Well not the same name...she's changing one letter. My daughter's name is Darla and she's planning on naming her baby Carla. I asked her if she would consider another name instead, since it was so close and our families spend a lot of time together. But she's insistent on keeping that name and she's upset with me for asking.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
layIROo4aWytYNyppclVeQkyTPQp2L6K
|
9ukgxx
|
{
"description": "almost hitting a bike on a right turn when he's going the wrong way",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for almost hitting a bike on a right turn when he’s going the wrong way?
|
It’s night time and I’m driving, going to a right turn and check my blind spot while drifting into right lane. I look forward as I come close to the intersection and there is a guy on a bike without lights in the bike lane going TOWARDS me, obviously the wrong way. This is one of those roads where the bike lane is to the right of the car lane. I brake and swerve to the left, he yells at me and kicks my door as I narrowly pass him. Who is the asshole here??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
PIpN3eWZ7stuSar57ZZf3Aka5sGPjp31
|
aspbl8
|
{
"description": "not yielding lane to an officer",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for not yielding lane to an officer
|
Not sure if this is the right sub for this; I had a disagreement with an officer this morning and cant find any legal requirement to yield to an emergency vehicle without lights/sirens.
A little back story here; My morning commute is 45 minutes mainly interstate driving of which I typically travel in the passing lane. Posted limit is 65 and I typically travel 75-80 in the left lane by no means do I intentionally hold up the lane. In my area police have a tendency to tailgate (no sirens or lights) and push people out of lane. I think this is an abuse of power, a small one but abuse none the less. Several days ago an officer began tailgating me going 70-75 in a fairly congested area, when I didn't yield the lane the sirens came on and when I was finally able to move over the lights went off till he reached the next person. Rinse and repeat. I have a dash-cam and saved the video but doubt anything will come of it.
Flash forward to this morning. Similar situation I'm traveling about 75 and spot the cop car closing in so I decide to turn cruise control on and keep it at 72 (over 85 is considered reckless in my state) fast enough to still pass the right lane but under the reckless limit. He eventually catches up and begins tailgating, I maintain my speed and stay in lane. He flashes the highs at me and I hold my lane, this continues for about 2 miles and finally the lights and sirens come on.
I pull over and he asks why I didn't just yield the lane to which I ask why he was tailgating me. He says he wasn't and I was being pulled over for going 76 in a 65, I direct his attention to my dash which shows the current settings for my cruise control. He then redirects and says I was delaying him from getting to an accident. At this point I'm getting heated because I feel I'm being lied to and he can tell. I ask him why he wasn't using his sirens or top lights if he was on his way to an accident, he then "corrects" me and says it's not an accident but an incident. They are supposedly searching a wooded area for someone...I repeat my question to which he answers "sirens weren't warranted" to which I reply "yielding my lane to high beams isn't warranted". He tells me I was now being disrespectful, I let him know that it was not my intention but I was fed up with the abuse of authority minor or otherwise and fill him in on my recent experience with an officer using his siren to circumvent other commuters and follow up with another question. If your on the way to assist in a search why are you wasting time pulling me over wouldn't it have been faster to use your emergency equipment from the start? After some more round about question and answer he hands me back my documentation and tells me it seems to him I've had a bad experience with another officer and was having a bad morning so he'd let me go with a warning. We shake hands and he pulls off back into the passing lane with no sirens to his "incident".
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
f6gUEkqeAAWa6y0WtFisMkfep5t3nbfv
|
b9kt3n
| null |
AITA because my dog intimidates a neighbor at the dog park?
|
So as the title says I was out at the complex’s dog park letting my dog do her business before bed. We were the only denizens of the dog park, and as I was heading to my dog with doggy bag in hand to pick up what she was laying down, she interrupted her daily ritual and sprinted past me to play with my lovely new neighbor’s toy Yorkie, who was chortling like its owner from outside the fence.
My dog is gorgeous 65 pound Black and Tan Catahoula. Now for the uninitiated, a Catahoula is a quintessential southern American hunting breed dating way back to Native Americans, Spanish, and French explorers.
She’s a docile dog that spends half of her day cuddling with my cats, but she jumps straight into action at the first whiff of anything smaller than an obese raccoon. She doesn’t even bark, and she plays like big dogs play when similar sized breeds are at the park.
Well she also likes play with smaller breeds like big dogs play, and this wasn’t her first acquaintance with this duo. Previously I had forewarned my neighbor that my dog doesn’t know how to play softly with small dogs, and to please warn me when approaching the dog park when we’re out so I can secure my dog seeing how they overstimulate her.
Well as the story began my dog rushes over to the fence, whimpering and running back and forth along the its length. I rush over to leash my dog, but in a surprising feat of athleticism, she pole vaulted up-and-over, which apparently was what it took to get my numerous previous requests though my neighbor’s thick skull as her face turned stark white.
Luckily she yo-yo’d her toy into her arms just in time for my dog to give her an unwanted shoulder pat, after which I quickly secured my dog despite her desperate attempts to extend play time.
This resulted in an curt exchange of words and accusations which I will no doubt be stewing over for some time.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
4HQaoWZ8wRAEhL5vQGCcbplgIJoliJvH
|
a2arfi
|
{
"description": "confronting my friend that was being creepy towards me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for confronting my friend that was being creepy towards me?
|
This just happened today, me and my friends were walking to one of our houses and we were talking about this guy in our group that's a little weird (lets just call him Creepy). I start to tell them that Creepy has touched me multiple times, different occasions. They decide to text Creepy and confront him about this and some other things, I was there with them and wanted to confront him too since that what he did was weird. After texting him, Creepy calls me and I hand it over to my other friend (Chad) and Creepy starts to yell into the phone that he didn't touch me and cant recall the memory. Creepy hangs up and my friends and I go back to playing games. (Creepy texts chad saying that he is going to tell his parents about this)
​
Fast forward to when I'm home. I get a text from one of Creepys friends (which I'm also friends with) saying that Creepy is in deep shit with his parents because they were next to him when he called. I told Creepys friend (Gabe) the stuff that Creepy did to me, and he says that its not sexual harassment (which I didn't say it was) and that I was being a scumbag over a joke. Ive told Creepy to stop, but I guess he didn't hear me or just ignored it.
\~What Creepy did to me\~
* Touched my legs multiple times
* Put his hand on my thigh and kept it there for at least a minute
* Touched one of my breasts with a hammer
I honestly don't know if I'm the ass hole for putting it out there, and what I should do to try and fix it. Comment if you want for information.
Sorry if this is in the wrong subreddit (if it is please link me to the right one if it is) and/or spelling and grammar
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
0d4tzCcJ8dvBiP7s8nOMI4c97eRHrHW0
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a86d9s
|
{
"description": "being snarky about not being given enough pizza",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for being snarky about not being given enough pizza?
|
The other day my boss bought pizza for our office as a nice little christmas gift. There's about 200 people total in our department but I work in a satellite office where there's about 12-15 of us.
We were sent a mass email saying we were all getting treated to pizza so we planned for that and none of us brought lunch.
However, we were delivered two medium pizzas which is ostensibly enough for everyone to have ***a single*** slice and a few people to have two. Everybody was kind of pissed and we quickly all chipped in and ordered more pizza and breadsticks and some drinks and sides.
I'm the cashier so when I was asked to email a copy of the receipt for the expense reports, I also "accidentally" sent a copy of the ~$120 receipt for all the other stuff we ordered.
The accountant immediately responded (and CC'd our boss) asking if all that was authorized. I responded and told them to ignore the 2nd receipt that was our own order "considering 2 medium pizzas isn't enough to feed over a dozen people"
My boss just responded "duly noted for next time" but some of my coworkers said I was being a dick
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
NfTcF3ZiLNFlgJ7waYrssAt98is2oZOT
|
ade2lk
|
{
"description": "not signing a lease for an apartment with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not signing a lease for an apartment with my friends
|
Hey so this is currently unfolding as I type this. I'll attach pics at the end so you can see my friends positions as well. Sorry for the wall of text.
I just graduated college and want to live in a city closer to the company where I will be starting work. My friend from college (who shall now be referred to as Friend 1), who has been graduated, and I brought up the idea of living together in the said city after I graduated. December 27th I texted him saying that we should live together like we talked about, and he responded by saying he is about to move in with our other friend (who shall now be referred to as Friend 2) in January, but he'll ask Friend 2 if he would like to all move in together. We start a group chat that day.
Backstory: We were all in the same fraternity and have known each other for four years now. Friend 1 is a close friend while Friend 2 is a friend I enjoy, though I do dislike somewhat because he can be obnoxious and rude.
Four days later Monday December 31st I'm told to fill out an application for an "amazing apartment". I am currently out of town at this point celebrating the New Year and don't really think about it.
Wednesday January 2nd Friend 1 asks me again to fill out the application and I respond apologizing for lagging and that I also want to make sure I want to actually live there. Friend 1 responds that he understands but urges me to hurry. I respond that I will get back to him ASAP after talking with my mom about it. He responds saying he bailed on the 2 bedroom houses he and Friend 2 were looking at because they were "juiced" on this apartment
Thursday January 3rd Friend 1 says they need my application by Saturday or else. I respond asking if she is able to show me the apartment before then. Friend 1 says he'll ask as well as asking what is holding me back from committing. I say I don't think it's wise to make a huge financial decision without even seeing the place and without asking people for advice. This prompts both friends to post stories on their Facebooks searching for a new 3rd roommate. I don't say anything to it. Friend 1 later tells me to trust him and Friend 2 tells me to fill out the application anyway to hold our place as first in line. I concede with Friend 2 and fill out the application. Friend 1 arranges for us to visit the apartment on Saturday and to turn in other paperwork needed.
Saturday we visit the apartment and turn in our paperwork. I thought the place was all right, while they are in love with it. We then spend the rest of the day hanging out and getting food.
Sunday Friend 1 tells me we were approved to live there and that he wants to sign the lease. I tell him I'm not 100% sold on it because I don't love the place/I'm not sure if I want to live with Friend 2.
Now I'm currently getting chewed out in the group chat. See pics below.
AITA?
[screenshot of groupchat](https://imgur.com/a/mvL9wlV)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
C1TXXAvs0PyXtxTdXh50B81S56EmK8CH
|
a68ort
|
{
"description": "spending Christmas away from my family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for spending Christmas away from my family?
|
My boyfriend and I are in an LDR and he wants me to spend Christmas there. My family want to spend Christmas at theirs.
I found a flight that's extremely cheap and affordable for 3 week that goes over Christmas and new years.
As much as I'd love to spend time with my family I do not see my boyfriend much only a few times a year and I'd really like to see him.
In my house it will be my mum, dad, and sister.
I am 20 years old and live at home for uni.
I am so torn but the only way I think I would stay at my parents is cause of guilt.
My boyfriend really wants me to spend Christmas there, with his family. Who I love to bits, his family are really nice. Of course they are not the same as staying with my family, but they are still nice
Due to uni commitments the only time I will be next available to fly to see my boyfriend is next summer/autumn.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gANGyU5g4wqyKYkVDrhrkOzS5I8sj15m
|
amc60q
|
{
"description": "telling my mother that she brought our drug addicted uncle into our home, she should be responsible for the consequences and offering him an escape",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my mother that she brought our drug addicted uncle into our home, she should be responsible for the consequences and offering him an escape
|
I'll throw out some important details that shine some light on this situation up front. I live in my parents home, rent free. My mother has a heart of gold, even though her siblings are all huge pieces of shit. My father is more pragmatic. Regardless, we are all very close.
So, the Friday before memorial day, I come home, after my 5th 14hr (13.5 hr paid) day in a row. I drive tractor trailers and after a 13+ day fighting holiday traffic to drive 600 miles (with only 11hrs drive time for those unfamiliar with DOT regulations) I'm mentally exhausted. I come home to find our piece of shit l, meth addicted uncle in our living room.
My mother expects me to be pleasant and converse, but I'm not hugely interested. I'm dead, I've been averaging 55hr work weeks for the past 9 months.
I join the conversation for a short time and am informed that he will be living with us short term. I wait the weekend to catch my father privately (he is an over the road trucker running a sleeper with my brother, who also lives with us) and ask his feelings on the situation. He is livid. Short term isn't short term, the uncle thinks 5 years is short term. My father, brother and I don't agree.
Fast forward 7 months. The uncle ODs, loses the job we got him, and is broke. Both parents want him out, and he leaves, but he has fuck tons of shit in our home. I'm talking a complete 20ft uhaul worth of shit.
My mother wants me, my brother and my father to load the shit into a rental box truck, move it to a storage unit he has easy access to, 2 hrs away, and pay for both the truck and storage unit. The storage unit rental is for 2 months...
This is garbage, I don't want anything to do with this, I, my brother and my father didn't even want this drug addicted piece of shit in our house.
I suggested that I would put out the price of a rental box truck, storage for 2 months and let him cherry pick whatever shit he can fit in his truck for the price it would cost us otherwise in cash, if he would take the cash and I can put the shit directly in the garbage and never be bothered with him again.
No one wants this piece of shit around, and if I added up our hourly rate for work, which we could volunteer for on Saturday, the time between the 3 of us is worth $2850, I'm offering $500 and the shit is straight in the garbage. My mother is unhappy with that option.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
vAsNDYLYDvBNf8qDzrjBPwS9kIgruoa7
|
a7cs7b
|
{
"description": "not letting my son wear a dress to my parent's house on Christmas Eve",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for not letting my son wear a dress to my parent’s house on Christmas Eve?
|
My son is five. He’s going through something. A stage in identity development, my wife calls it. His sister is seven and he’s taken to wearing her old clothes. Thus far, this has been largely confined to the house. However, on Halloween last year we decided to be more lenient and let him go as a unicorn, which was a somewhat feminine costume, but not quite drag either.
I would say the whole dress up thing has been going on since he was three (so only like two years).
Anyway this coming holiday we’re all dressing up, which is pretty normal in my family (when we do Christmas celebrations with my wife’s parents, it’s more lax so outfits aren’t as big a concern). My daughter is wearing a pretty elaborate, puffy red dress that looks like what the pageant kids wear (slightly over the top, but my wife picked it).
My son saw my daughter’s dress and for whatever reason became obsessed with wearing something similar. I have no idea why he’s so fixated on this but he’s managed to wear my wife down to the point where she thinks we should just let him wear a dress.
I am personally unwilling to let my son’s outfit be the main point of discussion on Christmas Eve (and it would be). I put my foot down and said that this just isn’t the time for this sort of experimentation. He doesn’t necessarily have to wear a little suit, but it’s not going to be a dress either.
I figured I would make it known several days in advance to avoid a meltdown the day of. My son became hysterical and it didn’t go over well with my wife. She thinks I should just let it go but she also is a fairly passive, unargumentative person so I don’t see her fighting me on it either.
Look, I am not trying to be the villain in this scenario. I just think that the holidays aren’t the right time for this sort of thing. Christmas Eve comes once a year and I want it to be drama and spectacle-free. Does that make me the a-hole, Grinch in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
6O4duzdcZzfLX8QB06HWDZX1LlPK2KiV
|
aa74on
|
{
"description": "not helping with the family business",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping with the family business?
|
Ok, so all of this has been unfolding in the past week or so since I’ve been back from school for the holidays. I (22M) go to a school about 3 hours from my hometown, so I’m not home often and would rather not have to work during my time off. I go to school for engineering, which I find really hard and mentally straining, so when I get time off, I just wanna relax, see old friends, not really do much.
Here’s where my brother and dad come in. We’ll call them Matt and Stan, respectively. They opened up a restaurant about a month ago. My first day back in town, I decide to go check it out since I haven’t seen it yet. Everything was fine here, I ordered some food, chatted a bit with Matt and went home. A day or so later, Matt (30M) comes to visit (he doesn’t live at home) and he pretty much commands me to come in and help out the next day. He didn’t even ask, it was more of a statement, which I pointed out to him was a rude way of asking for help anyways. It’s like I’m expected to help, even tho I had nothing to do with the business before and never really wanted to anyway. So even after I point this out, he still doesn’t properly ask (effing frustrating) but I say I’ll come in anyway.
I get there the next day around 11, and he’s FULLY staffed. He’s got a prep guy and girl chopping veggies and making rice and potatoes and what not, and a grill guy to help him out with orders. Plus my dad’s floating around doing misc. things here and there. Around 4 pm, another staff member showed up to work the till , do dishes and wipe tables. So there wasn’t much to do, and he didn’t have any set plan or tasks for me ahead of time. He was like “uhh, okay, peel all the potato’s in this bag.” I felt totally under-utilized, but whatever I didn’t want to be there anyway.
All together there’s 6 of us in this tiny kitchen, which IMO would run way smoother with like 3 or 4, plus the till girl that showed up later. After I was done peeling potatoes, there was pretty much nothing left for me to do. I spent around 3 hours just wiping stuff down, sweeping, little bit of dishes here and there. I’ve worked in kitchens before and wouldn’t mind helping the business if I could do some of the cooking and order preparing. I think that stuff is fun. But he didn’t want me helping with that because he hired people for it, so I was just loitering around, really. I felt awkward when customers saw me in the back doing nothing. And I felt awkward standing in the back watching the other employees doing work. It was just weird. Also there’s tension between my dad and bro, which I guess is expected for new business owners, but they often bickered with each other in front of staff and customers which made me feel even more awkward. Anyways, I figured they didn’t need my help, so I didn’t go in the next day.
A couple days later, Matt comes over again, and he asks why I’m not showing up to the restaurant to help out. That was literally the first thing he said to me, like I was one of his employees getting in trouble for skipping out on work. I don’t like confrontation at all, and Matt is effing stubborn, won’t matter what I say about how he’s fully staffed, he’ll expect me to come in anyways because of ‘family’. So I give him an excuse about waking up late and how my sleep schedule is off since finals, which it actually was.
The next day I didn’t go again, I couldn’t sleep that night, I was tired and irritable and didn’t really wanna leave the house. This time my dad tries to guilt me. I had just gotten back from a McDonald’s drive thru trip. Similar to Matt, he doesn’t say hi, he immediately asks “why would you get McDonald’s and not come to the store and get food there? You don’t have to help, you should just be there for family.” He wants me to just go hangout at the store?? I dunno, felt like a trap to get me there to do the little bullshit tasks again that he’s got employees for.
No one else is getting this treatment in my family. My little brother (14M) helps out but he’s getting paid and I’m not. My other brother (26M) was smart enough to clearly state he wants nothing to do with this and so he doesn’t get bothered with it and doesn’t live at home so he’s not constantly guilted by my dad like I am.
AITA here? My dad says I HAVE to go in tomorrow and the next day because I’m being rude and disrespectful to the family. Tomorrow is Friday :/. I don’t wanna work during my break, especially on the weekend. Uhhhhh.
Any suggestions on how I can deal with this would be greatly appreciated. All of this stresses me out and gives me anxiety, honestly.
I imagine I’ll make an update tomorrow about how ‘work’ went.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
DvIEo8MU3k0kOb9opdtXyB8DJO5duPlO
|
aqzuda
|
{
"description": "thinking that my husband's Christmas gift doesn't count",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for thinking that my husband's Christmas gift doesn't count?
|
Normally, I let things like this go because it's not worth fighting over. But he keeps bringing it up and before I tell him that I don't think it counts, I'm looking for unbiased opinions.
Backstory: Eight years ago, when we moved in together, I had to find a home for my two cats because his dog food not get along with cats and he insisted that she would kill them. So one of our mutual friends took them in and I've honestly regretted it ever since. But at the time, the deal was always that when his dog died, I could have a cat again. His dog died a couple years later, but he had already gotten a second dog before she passed, and didn't want another animal. Okay, fine. But then we ended up fostering two *other* dogs in the meantime. Through the years he's always said he hates cats. And he's "teased" me about there never being a deal that I would adopt another cat. We ended up spending a lot of time with friends who had two cats and two dogs who are not well behaved and he constantly talked about how nice it is to only have one animal and how he doesn't ever want more than one. It got to the point this past autumn, where I told him that if I knew he was going to be like this, I would have never moved in with him and rehoming my cats should have been a deal breaker.
Last Christmas: The only "gift" he gave me was a cat that he basically picked. He went to the shelter of his choice, filled out the paperwork, met the cats, told them which ones he liked, then "surprised" me with it one day by taking me there and letting me "pick" from the ones with personalities the shelter had deemed acceptable based on what he told them. I wasn't allowed to look at kittens, which is what I wanted tbh.
I don't care that he didn't get me a gift, he really doesn't ever. But I don't think it's fair for him to say that the cat was an actual gift, especially when he wants to use it as brownie points later. We agreed years ago that I could adopt another cat.
Am I the asshole or was this not an actual gift?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
hNLN2K53s1bF63r47l6hYLIlGQbP730A
|
9x9eli
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be friends anymore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be friends anymore?
|
I have a very close knit friend group of about five people but had one friend that I considered my best friend. We all met only a year ago when we started college together but in that time we have become extremely close. However about a 2 months ago my best friend started spiraling downwards in terms of depression, drinking, and smoking. Now my other friends and I both drink and smoke on occasion but the amount she did it started to be a little worrying. We all tried to be there and support her but she pushed us away. Fine. Like she can choose to open up to whoever like that's fine, but what became really irritating is that whenever we hung out with people outside of this friend group she would insult us to these other people. Talking about things that were said in confidence to her and making us out to be bad friends to her. It always felt like a slap, since we were best friends and we tried to be there for her and all. Then she'd notice that we weren't exactly happy about this and get mad because "we keep getting mad at her and there's nothing she can do that's right". This went on and then about three weeks ago she dropped all contact with me and my other friends. We were dead to her overnight, and she immediately spread lies about us to any mutual friends that we had. I was honestly devastated about this.
Now she says she wants to have a talk and see if we can get things back on track, but frankly I don't want to get things back on track. I frankly don't want to be friends with her again. My other friends think it's a good idea though, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
4BJ9ikQMKN8dZuZJYhrxZ2GfZ4vFGLDR
|
auu1et
|
{
"description": "making joke about my roommates prom dress",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for making joke about my roommates prom dress?
|
So my roommate and I have been live together for around 6 months, and things have been super chill. In her room she has a picture of her from grade 12 prom hanging up. I just noticed and said “you looked like a big banana with that prom dress”. (The prom dress was completely yellow top from bottom).
She proceeded to slam her door and began crying. We haven’t talked since and even tried apologizing for the joke but to no avail. It was just a harmless joke and don’t see why she got so upset about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
uf1QWu0RkbnNVJDOWOI5OOMzWgjRIBFv
|
a6lm43
|
{
"description": "not staying with my mother for christmas",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not staying with my mother for christmas?
|
My(22) wonderful bf(27) agreed to spend the holidays together so I had a lovely thanksgiving with his family and he gets to experience my family's Christmas.
His thanksgiving was on a Friday so I drove out to my mother's home to spend thanksgiving with them and my aunt and uncle.
I currently live with my partially disabled grandparents and help take care of them. They were staying at my aunt's house and I stayed there with them.
This greatly upset my mother and she made a big scene about how I was heartless for not spending time with my family. She then had a toddler level crying fit in front of the whole family at the thanksgiving dinner table.
My wonderful bf is still on board to do Christmas with my family, but we are getting a hotel room less than 10min from my mother's house.
My grandparent are upset that I'm causing such emotional reactions from my mother(their daughter) and my mother has called me twice to criticize my decision.
My bf and therapist seem like the only people on my side with this
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1olxmEoSKWZ2oEzmKjOpBSJ6vqrA3ToE
|
axs7n4
|
{
"description": "ending a long friendship",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ending a long friendship?
|
My friend [F18] and I[M18] have been friends since 6th grade. We went to different highschool, but we still hung out and skyped called each other regularly. Our relationship is strictly platonic.
I'm september, we entered university. She starts dating a guy[M25] a few weeks in. Whenever I had my Skype calls with her, her boyfriend would always interrupt or cut into the conversation. I didn't think much of it, until it started happening frequently. I brought it up to her. She stops taking to me shortly after that.
Yesturday , she reached out to me saying she wants to catch up. We have our skype call again and she tells me about her relationship troubles. I'm not going to go into details about that because this post is about my friendship with her. Whenever I tried to talk about myself and my life, she would interrupt me and bring the focus on the conversation back to her, even after I had given her my advice.
Later that day , I called her to check up. I had given some advice and I wanted to make sure she was alright, as she seemed disheartened and distressed over her relationship. The call went a little like this:
Me: "hey?"
Her: "what?"
Me: "how did it go? I wanted to make sure you're alright"
Her: "yeah we got back together bye"
The call ended with her hanging up on me. I called her during a time where I knew she would not be busy with academics as well.
I find this quite disheartening and upsetting. I felt like I was used as the emotional sponge before being thrown away. It's been a day. She hasn't clarified anything or so much given be a follow up.
AITA for ending this friendship?
TLDR: old friend from the past talks to me out of the blue for relationship advice before disappearing again.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
HEZeebluTDJ4MxG3zXHL13AOCYW9rvDw
|
b50ytk
|
{
"description": "not allowing my roommate's girlfriend to come over anymore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not allowing my roommate's girlfriend to come over anymore?
|
Sorry for mobile formatting, also not really sure how detailed I need to be so here goes.
My roommate (RM) started dating this girl (GF) about two months ago, and at first there wasn't a problem. She was over a lot, but they were always chill and we (me, my live-in boyfriend (BF), RM, and GF) hung out a lot, and they didn't really do anything to cause issues.
About two weeks into their relationship though, they went to the bar and got into a really big argument. She went off on him and he ended up coming home, passing out, and locking her out with all her stuff inside our apartment, including her purse and car keys. I woke up at about 2 AM to GF pounding on the door extremely loudly (I later noticed that the window on our front door was loose due to this) trying to get in because all her stuff was here and she had nowhere to go and no way to get home.
A side note, I had a really bad roommate previous to this one who was very loud and had people over all the time, leading to multiple noise complaints and us being on thin ice with our landlords in that regard, which is where most of my concerns stem from.
Anyways, after that I was wary of having her over again and asked RM to try not to have her over as often, which he did, and things were fairly uneventful after that. But of course, I wouldn't be here asking if I'm the asshole if that were the end of it, so that brings us to part 2. So about two weeks ago they come home from the bar, and she starts going off on him again. This time she's screaming at him at the top of her lungs and wakes me up (I'm a fairly heavy sleeper) again. I can hear him trying to quiet/calm her down, but she's not having it and just keeps yelling until she finally passes out. That was the end of it for me and I told him I didn't want her over here anymore because of how crazy she is when she drinks, and since we live in a very bar-heavy area, that's pretty much every night she's over.
Originally things were fine, he was just going between staying here and at her place (she lives with her parents I think) and I thought that was the end of it. But maybe 2-3 days ago she messaged me to apologize, she said she thinks she was drugged that night because she didn't remember anything and that not being able to have any alone time with RM was having a bad effect on their relationship and asking for a second chance.
I feel bad because I like them both and don't want them to break up or have problems because of me, and he's an adult and banning his girlfriend from our shared home somehow feels wrong, but I'm the only one on the lease here so I'm the only one that would have any long term effects if we were evicted, plus it's happened twice before already and I don't want to risk losing my home because of someone who doesn't even live here. So, AITA? Any suggestions on how to remedy this or any possible compromises would be greatly appreciated too.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
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ZKrG6y4QK9QIirfwAIfaLwWgLo9NkLJZ
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b4zwzn
|
{
"description": "confronting girls in my Highschool about how they treated me before and after getting a girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA If I confronted girls in my Highschool about how they treated me before and after I got a girlfriend?
|
High school student here (junior), Im gonna be honest and say that I haven't had the best success with relationships. Mostly cause I dont know what to do after 1st base and I have strict parents lol. But not too long ago I got my really first "girlfriend" after our 2nd date. Allot of the girls that I had been interested in in high school before had either told me that I wasn't their type, or that we should stay friends, or that I wasn't even in their league. (Completely fine with this, they aren't required to like me for any reason.) Most of these times their denials ended up circling around our grade and making me kind of a laughingstock. HOWEVER, after I posted on my Snapchat/Instagram stories as did her about our relationship. Many of the girls in my class who had rejected me in someway have now snapped me things like do you want to hang out? or come to a party with me? or just other requests I had never been given when I was single. One of the girls that had flat out said that she didn't like me personally texted me if I wanted to sit next to her at lunches and called me Hun. I felt kinda mad because of the complete 180 in their behavior and I don't believe this is a prank because of the girls that have replied to me are from COMPLETELY different social circles and for the most part hate one another.
​
​
WIBTA if I confronted them about this Publically and/or Privately?
​
Edit: When I say "them" I only talking about 3-4 Girls who I have asked out or tried to ask out in my highschool career.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
Us1CoFmdwdSCkrLjhCUafOXAskTHhA8x
|
ah6feo
|
{
"description": "secretly going to a musical behind my bf's back",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for secretly going to a musical behind my bf's back?
|
A popular hit musical is showing for a limited time in my city. My bf and I discussed going. He likes musicals well enough, but I'm really into them and really wanted to see this musical. He was maybe a 3-4 out of 10 on a scale of wanting to see it. I was definitely a 10 out of 10.
I could not find any tickets for the musical that cost below several hundred dollars. His financial situation is a little iffy, so I couldn't ask him to spend all that money. I also couldn't afford to pay for two tickets myself. And I knew he would feel bad if I went without him.
You can probably guess what I did: I bought a ticket for a day when he was busy and went to the musical by myself, and I didn't tell him about it. And it was great! But now I have to pretend to him and all of our friends that I haven't seen it.
Am I an asshole for secretly going to the show without him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
uTosNt5W05MDZI6oMiaRvxnRVRj76G3S
|
alufi9
|
{
"description": "questioning my step-mother on how she makes her daughter fall asleep",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTAH if I questioned my step-mother on how she makes her daughter fall asleep?
|
I (16m) have split parents and both of them have new partners. My dads girlfriend ( I call her my step-mother) and her daughter (7f) have moved in to my dads place. I have noticed that my stepmom gives her daughter her tablet so that she can watch kids shows until she falls asleep in her bed.
The problem here is that the blue light from the tablet degrades the sleep she gets and makes it so that she falls asleep later. She has on medium volume, but she is 20-30 cm (8-11 inches for dummy unites) away from the screen.
I believe this is bad for her, but I don’t know if I should confront my stepmom on this. WIBTAH as I don’t have any right telling her how to raise her child?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
YwpI5DmVNQCO7qjWW3RtZIx65MrB184S
|
b600nv
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hear details about my friends sex life",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hear details about my friends sex life?
|
One of my (25f) friends, R (27M), is someone I’ve known for about 7 years.
When we first became friends, we almost dated, but he was very open sexually, and I am more private about that. A couple times when we were “talking” I felt a bit violated by his actions — For some relevant detail, my first sexual experience was at age 14 and was completely non-consensual. So my view is very different, but I did share my traumatic experiences with him.
Anyways, R is very into BDSM and masochism etc. in his own words, he likes to push the boundaries of what people think about sexuality. Whatever. Cool. However, this often leads to him sharing details with me about his sexual experiences that make me very uncomfortable. To him, that’s the point. To me, he’s making me anxious and relive certain things I’d rather not think about.
Whenever I ask him not to, I’m usually met with accusations of being a prude. I do have a sex life and am open to new things, but I only enjoy these discussions in the privacy of my long term partner.
R thinks I’m an asshole for being so “close minded”. Im not trying to be, but graphic details about blood and the sound of a female being hit makes me mad anxious.
AITA??
**TL;DR:** friend has an edgy POV about sex that makes me uncomfortable due to my traumatic past, thinks ITA for asking for discretion
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
k59z5BiysQzMCAhdudL7VovQdeIxGJTK
|
ajdybt
|
{
"description": "not being ready to forgive my husband",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not being ready to forgive my husband?
|
For context, I was finishing up grad school in a different state and the business my husband is taking over is the the state we live in now. Last April, We decided it would be important for our future if he came bak to the state we currently live in about 6 months before me in order to get his business started and to have a little money saved up for when I moved back as well. He came back out to help me move in early November.
There were a few nights I woke up to him having some sort of anxiety attack and he would tell me how sorry he was and that he didn't deserve me. I would always calm him down and convince him to come back to bed. He finally (and randomly) admitted to me in late November that over the summer he had gone out drinking alone with one of his (female) best friends. They had gotten drunk and rather than going out to the house he was staying (about a 45 minute walk) , he went home with his friend and cuddled with her in her bed.
The issue is that he lied to me about it for almost 6 months without showing any remorse or conflict until he came back out with me, and I had visited him for almost a month about a week after the incident occurred, and he never felt the need to mention it. When I asked him about it further and if there had been any texts between them the day after, he lied about there being bad service or something and that the texts were all missing (which only an idiot would believe) and when I pressed him further he admitted to deleting all the texts between them during that time period. I asked for his phone and he reluctantly gave it to me, and when I opened the texts between him and the girl he had a message written out to her but not sent that basically said how he was an idiot for lying to me and that I found out and that he was sorry. I decided to hit send on the message, and the next morning she responded that she "felt sick" about the whole thing since it happened.
About half of the friend I have talked to believe something more happened with the girl (who happens to have a reputation for sleeping with the boyfriends of other girls) and the other half believe that he loves me too much to ever betray me like that. He has apologized profusely and we had a big blowout where I explained how our trust had been majorly damaged and that it will take a lot of time to rebuild. It has now been almost 3 months since he admitted that to me and I still have trouble with trusting him and I have not gotten over it. He says if I am going to forgive him I need to do it fully and not continue to bring it up, which I have previously when we fight. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
Sa0YFv9ks5XwYsUlyM9I3IcQYrRRy0QX
|
b9vgke
|
{
"description": "feeling like my stag was a complete let down",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for feeling like my stag was a complete let down!
|
Long time lurker and first time poster.
My stag was last August, I asked my brother but due to Uni commitments he couldn't do it so it fell to my cousin.
He had booked Prague for about 12 of us which was a surprise until I got to the airport. I was absolutely looking forward to it.
My best man had organised everything, howecer wouldn't let any of my friends organise bits to the trip which was to be 3 days long.
I had to contribute for the digs & for the flight which totalled £250ish. Im pretty naive so I ended up paying.
Nothing was planned for the nights out there as in decent bars/pubs etc. I'm not much of a drinker and would have rather have enjoyed the culture /history of Prague. We would wander aimlessly until we found somewhere decent.
He knew I hated strip clubs but took me to some every night.
Stuff to do through the day also wasnt planned and consisted of us just dossing about through the day.
It was the world Cup final that weekend and again nothing was planned and I remember sitting in a random restaraunt trying to find a screen whilst spending the first half of the game running around trying to find somewhere to watch it.
It was my birthday also that weekend where I was given a 6 pack of fairy cakes.
My mates all could see the pure disappointment on my face and they kept saying what we could do prior to the trip in their Facebook group which they were told stuff would be planned for the days but obviously weren't. They've said they're gonna redo my stag even though I'm not married to make up for it haha but that's me tailing off.
Their wasn't even things such as t shirts for us all and it didn't even look like we were on a stag. I told my best man all of this once we got back and I was called an arse hole for not appreciating everything that had been done for me.
So basically AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
h5hljajhOVkMfkHSGs50zhLKIRBfffPO
|
9xfbx4
|
{
"description": "wanting a public apology to Kavanaugh from the media for the groundless sexual assault claims",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for wanting a public apology to Kavanaugh from the media for the groundless sexual assault claims?
|
I feel like his name is publicly smeared for the rest of history, even though our justice system cannot convict/punish without any hint of evidence. Even after the Senate published an acknowledgement that there was no evidence supporting any of the claims against him, there's really been no acknowledgement that the process needlessly injured his name.
Most of my perspective on this comes from the below article: https://thehill.com/opinion/judiciary/416553-pavlich-where-is-brett-kavanaughs-apology?amp
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
0SvVPN6BUyMuBeBbY1RBGtfB9KhsEtkb
|
aek315
|
{
"description": "lying to my gf",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
AITA For lying to my GF
|
Been dating her for about 2.5 years. She has always had a problem with my son’s mother. Severe jealousy. It started when she went through my phone and saw that her (son’s mother) and I talk like we’re friends. Sending funny pictures back and forth, etc. (My son was 3 then, he’s about to be six now.)
I dial it back, because I reason while I see her as my son’s mother, my GF sees her an an ex. I can see where I could be wrong.
Some of her complaints are legitimate. Some of her complaints are unreasonable. It’s gotten to the point that I have a difficult time communicating with my son’s mother about anything because any amount of contact gets me a tremendous amount of grief.
Last mother’s day I got some canvas picture frames made. One for my mom, one for my GF of her kid, and one for my son’s mother of our son.
Being completely honest I was dreading my GF finding out that I did that. It’s something we used to do all the time. Christmas, birthdays, etc. We’d get each other a small gift “from our son.” Now, not so much. But mother’s day is specifically for having a kid, so I still wanted to.
However the place I had the canvas pictures made ran out of the smaller size I ordered, and upgraded one to a larger size. Which happened to be the one I was giving to my son’s mother.
So I lied and I said I didn’t get my son’s mother anything. I knew she’d be upset at getting the same type of gift as her (it would make them equal in her eyes.) - if she saw that my son’s mother was larger she wouldn’t believe me and assume it was intentionally telling my son’s mother I still have feelings for her.
Well last night it came out. We dropped my son off with his mom, and my son demanded my GF come up to the house so he could show her something in his. She wouldn’t normally be around my ex, but my son insisted. And she saw the canvas picture of my son hanging up from last Mother’s Day.
So last night I got the silent treatment. Going into this day. When I asked her to talk to me, she went off on me as expected.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 24
}
|
WRONG
|
wlWQ3q1ODl3egCus8rQh4Ss7pVjNtKMp
|
asxqzc
|
{
"description": "not wanting to take my son to visit my mom anymore",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to take my son to visit my mom anymore?
|
I'm feeling very torn about this predicament and am not sure if I'm making the rational choice.
For several years now my mother and youngest brother have lived in a neighborhood that has steadily become more and more unsafe. Lots of domestic violence crimes, drug deals, suspicious activities, constantly smells of weed, etc. There's usually a cop somewhere in the neighborhood but things never seem to get better.
Last week a delivery driver was shot and killed on my mother's street. The police still haven't caught the perpetrator, and she was supposed to watch my 7 month old son tommorow so I could go to a concert.
Obviously I told my partner about this and we agreed the neighborhood isn't safe and that we don't feel comfortable with him being in the neighborhood (especially at night). So I talked to my mom about our decision and she was obviously hurt about it.
She told me that I didn't need to tell my partner about what happened so that she could have watched my son, but I don't think it's right to hide that kind of information from my partner. She's also worried now that she won't get to see her only grandchild now because of it.
Now, to be transparent I should state that my family has always lived in poorer neighborhoods and gangs, drugs, and just general "hood" life is nothing new to me as I grew up in it. But my son is so little and like any parent I don't want him to be exposed to that life even though I was.
To make the issue even more complicated my youngest brother (who is also autistic) has been having a lot of problems with anxiety and feeling "abandoned" since my other brother and I both moved out of my mom's house. He has asked me numerous times to visit more often but after the homicide, I don't even want to drive through the area, let alone stay there any extended period of time.
Am I the asshole because I don't want to go to that neighborhood anymore? Even if it means my son and I don't get to see my family as often? I like to think I'm a logical person but it's hard to take out my emotions from the equations and I'd like some outside perspective. Any help is appreciated.
TLDR; My mom lives in a bad neighborhood and I don't want to bring my son to visit her because of recent crimes having taken place there.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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