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FjXnmpb1ej9T9U1QeaMRp1LiziVXRQx7
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ayx4gx
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{
"description": "accusing someone of purposely trying to hurt me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accusing someone of purposely trying to hurt me?
|
So we played soccer for PE today. It's all good. I'm good at soccer. I wear glasses and I need them for PE. I'm practically blind without them I think I'm minus 4 and my parents don't want me to get contact lenses for some reason. Anyways there is this one dude in my class that really does not like me and finds a way to put me down all the time. I don't care really. I do well in school and I'm off to University next year to study Computer Science so who cares.
Anyways in soccer today I scored multiple goals and i was feeling proud. We took a break afterwards and he literally kicked the ball so hard into my face and my entire glasses shattered and the shattered lenses cut up my face and was bleeding. I'm convinced he did this on purpose. The way he aimed the ball was just too obvious. It was obvious he was aiming for my face and had a smug look on his face when my glasses were in pieces on the floor. These were expensive ones too. Hugo Boss. He knew what he was doing. I told the principal and he told the principal I was a liar and I was trying to make him look bad and that I was accusing him and the principal told us she will call us in for further questioning.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "inviting a friend to a concert where (she knows) her ex is performing",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I invite a friend to a concert where (she knows) her ex is performing?
|
I'm leaving for Marines boot camp in about a month, and this concert is likely the last I'll perform at for a long time, and the last time I'll get to see my friend (F). However, her ex, who for simplicity we'll just call X, also is in the band. They broke up recently because for he has never been emotionally supportive of her, and only ever really talks about himself or his own interests. Whenever she tries to reach out to him, he'll pull some excuse like "oh I'm too tired, I've had a long day". Now, I know his schedule. It's one class every other day and band rehearsal every Monday/Wednesday/Friday. Not that exhausting if you ask me. After they broke up, he lashed out at her, saying he never wants to hear from her again and has begun shit talking her to everyone they know. It's gotten to the point where she's afraid of him, physically and emotionally. As far as I know, he hasn't physically hurt her before but I feel her concerns are genuine given his reaction to the breakup. I don't want her to be in a position where she feels extremely unsafe, but at the same time I know that I'd be able to stop him should he try anything given that I'm stronger and faster at this point. Anyway, before I ramble too much and go to bed, WIBTA?
TL;DR: I want to invite a friend who just had a nasty breakup to a concert I'm performing in that their angry ex is also performing in
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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b32x2h
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{
"description": "getting mad at my girlfriends hypocrisy",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For getting mad at my girlfriends hypocrisy?
|
Okay so I’m gonna start this off by saying me [18] and my girlfriend [17] have been together 6 months and I am not gonna do anything drastic like break up.
My girlfriend used to do a decent amount of drugs at parties like a year before we started dating. Since we’ve been dating she’s been very anti drug with me, I have done stuff just not as much and only over a month last summer. Around January she getting drunk with her friends and smoked some weed which I have no problem with btw. Recently however she’s started saying I’m too nice for drugs and has been pointing it out to her sister and friends and all that (it’s said as a sort of half joke but still). I’ve told her I don’t like it and tried to debate it but it didn’t help.
Today I made a joke in poor taste about her mum not being around all the time (just because of her mums work and boyfriend) which I thought was okay considering it’s a topic she’s made jokes about. She told me she was hurt by it so I apologised, fairly standard. I then told her I find the “too nice to do drugs” thing offensive at which point she said “I don’t know why your offended”. I explained it to her and to be fair at the end I added “it’s really not hard to understand” which was uneeded. This is where shit hit the fan and she brought up the joke I made earlier and apologised for. We argued and it ended in me apologising just because I didn’t want to argue more. She refused to give any ground and in the end her apology was “I’m sorry you got offended”.
Since, we’ve had a discussion and agreed this sorta thing needs to be dealt with a lot better next time but I’m still pretty mad she hasn’t apologised. It feels like she’s not being empathetic because she doesn’t understand it hurt me.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
awc4i4
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{
"description": "keeping up a neighbour playing video games",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for keeping up a neighbour playing video games?
|
This isn’t really an issue anymore, but I was recently reminded of this situation and thought I’d ask what you all think.
A while back my neighbours moved out, and a new old (~60) woman moved in alone. Soon after this time, since it was in the holidays, she told me that I had been keeping her up late at night for the last few weeks, and while she had been trying to deal with it patiently, it’d gotten too much.
I of course agreed and tried to be quieter, since I didn’t really know this was an issue until then, however from my perspective, no matter how quiet I was or how late I was up, it was either too loud or too late (even whispering is too much for her to sleep through).
When trying to compromise, since this situation was annoying for me in that I was almost never able to play with friends anymore, and she couldn’t sleep as well; I discovered that her extent of effort in getting to sleep was just listening to music to cover me up, but that wasn’t working since after getting to sleep, once the music stopped I would end up waking her up again. Sometimes as late as 3AM (but very rarely)
I did suggest a few other solutions, such as sound proofing the walls, buying better noise cancelling headphones, or moving rooms, agreeing to fund or otherwise help with any of them, however she didn’t want to do any of them, due to effort, comfort when sleeping, and feeling unsafe in the other rooms in the 3 bedroomed house she lived alone in...
Since I understood that those solutions could easily be reversed onto me, the issue here for me is really who’s responsibility is it?
I definitely don’t feel responsible for her good sleep, and don’t feel like I should change my actions, and I am really only changing my actions to avoid the hassle of an angry neighbour.
So AITA? And would I be the asshole if I stayed up late talking and playing games?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "asking my roommate to leave though there is majority desire in the house for this to happen",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my roommate to leave though there is majority desire in the house for this to happen?
|
I'm in a house of 4, and one of the two girls, Betty (fake name), has been the following:
Socially not being a comfortable presence in the room
Moments of crying downstairs uncontrollably due to a high level of stress and depression
Certain moments of lashing out at us due to her own personal issues
Not accepting that things may be deteriorating.
My other girl roommate is stating there is a clear sign of gaslighting occurring between the two of them. Betty, who is much older, has asked this girl to not interact with Betty's friends when she is not present, made unbecoming comments of this girl's appearance, and believes that they are supposed to be really great friends while primarily taking up this girl's time for her own needs. Basically overall a shitty friendship relationship with poor ass communication on both parts. Their relationship now stands completely broken with Betty thinking she can fix it and the other girl not wanting to live with her, and considering moving out herself.
My other guy roommate has this genuine feeling of unease around her. He has stated "I am not comfortable sometimes coming in the front door of my own house". This is the nicest guy around and the person who brought Betty into the mix. He has expressed that this is not a good fit.
With both of my other roommates expressing it's not a good fit (put lightly), along with me for the most part not seeing eye to eye with this woman, I felt that it was important that I communicate to her that I didn't think this 6 month old housing situation was any longer a good fit. I asked her to consider finding new housing, but expressly stated she doesn't have to as that is her right, we are all on the lease. I offered to help her find a new place and do whatever I could do to smooth the transition. I figure it's good to get it in the open.
She said no. My other guy roommate has on his own asked the same of her at this point. Regardless of that, she has communicated she feels it isn't fair and that we have bullied her (probably have at this point just by all of us expressing our issue we have with her (separately)) and she wants to stay and fix this. She definitely feels like we are at fault here as well, that we are scapegoating, and that we can't just fix a problem by "kicking someone off the island". I just straight up disagree that this is just that. I genuinely think this isn't worth trying to work on when we are all just getting to know each other.
We all could have definitely communicated better about these issues we have with Betty and done so earlier on, but the fact of the matter is we didn't, and now we're here. So I operated with what I still have. Not defending myself, just explaining that us, the rest of the house, could have done a better job communicating our issues earlier. Thanks!
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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|
b65267
|
{
"description": "taking 10 minutes in the locker room shower",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for taking 10 minutes in the locker room shower?
|
I work at a small hospital with a shower in the OR locker room. About 3 women actually use the shower: I run to work, another woman bikes to work, and another woman goes to the gym before work. Bike lady starts work at 7 and is often done before me and gym lady arrive. I work at 7:50 but I also do my makeup and meditate so I come early. Gym lady starts work at 7 but usually arrives while I am in the shower.
I take longer in the shower and gym lady is mad about it. If we arrive at the same time I always let gym or bike lady go first. But, if I am already showering, gym lady often calls out to me in the shower to tell me she's waiting and is visibly irritated with me when I come out. She arrives with barely enough time to shower and is sometimes late, so I'm sure waiting for me is very frustrating.
I timed our showers the other day. Both bike and gym lady take about 4.5 to 5 minutes in the stall. I took 9 minutes and 45 seconds. This includes undressing, drying off, and dressing time. However, bike lady and gym lady work in the operating room and are required to wear hats. I work in the recovery room with my hair uncovered. I wash my hair, they do not wash their hair. I do not relax in the shower, the extra 4 minutes is strictly hair related time.
Technically I'm taking twice as long in the shower, but I feel justified in washing my hair, given I don't cover my hair for work. Am I the asshole for taking nearly 10 minutes in a shared shower?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b9xx08
|
{
"description": "ghosting my friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ghosting my friend?
|
Jess and I have been friends for years and I have always got a sense of insecurity from her. She would often try to put me down to bring herself up.
For example, she would insult my weight in front of other people. I am super skinny and she’s a bigger girl. So, there would always be these snide comments every now and then. I talked to her about it (meaning I told her if she couldn’t keep it to herself I just wouldn’t associate with her) and she cut back a lot.
I also got a call from a friend Liam, who she was trying to hook up with even though she had a boyfriend at the time. He told me about how she was weirdly obsessed with nagging him about the fact that he had a crush on me before. He warned me to stay away from her because she was crazy. Now, Liam and I hadn’t talked in months and I wouldn’t say that our relationship was that close. Yeah, we had liked each other, but it never went anywhere. Jess has also messaged me telling me about the fight and the two stories were vastly different. Not sure who to trust. I just took a big step back from her and Liam went back to not talking to me. So, I guess I can say I was kinda annoyed with him and less inclined to listen.
A few months later, I am with my fiancé (boyfriend at this time.) Jess meets him and things seemed to go off well. Then, she messaged him telling him how she was upset because she had seen him being sweet with me and it hurt her Because she had no one. She then told him that he didn’t need to be hugging on me and loving on me at all. This really pissed me off. I ended up confronting her and she blamed being depressed because her ex was walking in and out of her life. (She’s his booty call. She just ignores everyone telling her that.) Our relationship got onto thin ice and we didn’t really mend from it. Well, months later, she just starts bashing my relationship and acting like he’s a horrible guy because his ex is stalking us, even though it’s been a constant issue from the beginning. He literally moved and changed his number to get away from her. Also, she sends my other friend a message complaining about my couple pictures on Facebook and basically says I’m deliberately being mean because I know she’s single. Well, after seeing these messages I just blocked her off Facebook and block her number.
This came up the other day and I’m wondering if I’m wrong for not telling her why I blocked her (she complained about it to someone else.)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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THeD2kjEsUaeRCqHu7blWFXVdoMhRLqR
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ba67bt
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{
"description": "telling my woke friend I don't agree with them regarding digital blackface and not altering my behavior",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I tell my woke friend I don't agree with them regarding digital blackface and not altering my behavior?
|
Hi, I am using a throwaway account because I am active on a few subreddits that I know I'd get huge backlash from this opinion. Some background, I have a friend that I went to school with, who is black and is extremely politically active with social justice. We became friends by happenstance because I was playing a game on my Nintendo DS and she saw it over my shoulder and we talked about the game and played it together quite a lot.
Fast forward to high school and she changes quite a bit, she gets more outspoken on politics, and Ferguson happens and she becomes an entirely new person. Despite all of this, I tried not to take any of her posts on social media personally, figuring that she was just venting her frustrations and we were still friends so I didn't engage any posts on social justice topics. Eventually getting exposure to the subject I started to see where she was coming from and I am very sympathetic to the idea that black people are systematically disenfranchised in our society.
A few days ago she was talking about something called digital blackface, which is when someone portrays themselves as black online, when they are not, specifically for the purposes of trolling and wasting the emotional labor of black activists. I was thinking wow, that's crazy that people do that, I didn't know that was a thing. A few hours later into our conversation she said something funny and I reacted with a reaction gif of Charlie Murphy from the Chappelle show laughing realy hard. My choice of this gif was because I was a big fan of the Chappelle show when it was on and a huge fan of Charlie Murphy in general.
She responded to this gif by saying, "That's a perfect example of digital blackface". I was sort of gobsmacked, I wasn't trolling, I wasn't trying to portray myself as black, and I said that doesn't match up at all with the definition of blackface she gave me. So she explained that white people using black people's exaggerated reactions to things as a way to portray their feelings is wrong because black people are not here for white people's entertainment. To which I replied that Charlie Murphy is quite literally an entertainer, and is definitely IS here for everyone's entertainment. I told her I was getting ready for bed and had to go, but this is really bothering me. I feel like I was just accused of trivializing and participating in racism, and that if I never use one of these gifs (which I do heavily in conversation) I'd just be validating her opinion. What do you all think? Should I play along when I don't agree? I've seen in the past how she treats people who don't agree with her opinions of social justice, they are immediately considered racists. I'm not sure how to react here in balancing my own opinions with wanting to maintain a friendship.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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arfq7w
| null |
AITA Best friend didn’t invite me to outing she wanted me to help plan
|
If this helps, my best friend and I are both 22 and have been friends for ten years. Let’s call her Kate.
Kate met this guy on bumble, who after a couple dates or hangouts, they both mutually agreed they were better as friends more than anything. Since he’s new to town and doesn’t know a lot of people, she wanted to keep hanging out as friends and even take him out and introduce him to people, which is really nice and thoughtful of her.
When I was going to her place to have a girls night this past Monday, she was telling me about how she wanted to take her friend somewhere to give him a fun night. She didn’t have any of it planned. Like I said, it was Monday evening and she had already told him she would be taking him out the very next night, Tuesday. She was saying how she also wanted to invite a bunch of people. Mainly we were trying to come up with a place to go to make sure there’s even a plan. She was trying to figure out a place where I would be able to join as well. My options are limited. Even though I’m 22, I can’t go into places where they check your ID at the door. I had my license suspended for a DUI (I have a brief post about it if you’re interested) and haven’t had an ID in years. Thanks to the government shut down here in the US, DMV is booked until May, and thanks to school, I haven’t had a chance to go to the DMV yet for a walk in.
There are actually a lot of options by my college campus for where they don’t card at the door and everyone else but me can drink. I kept trying to suggest a place near my college campus for that reason and because i go to a school in a big city in the heart of downtown with so many places to check out, and from there, I could easily take the train home. In our small town, the only places that serve alcohol and are remotely cool require ID. On the particular day of this hangout, I was going to be on campus for hours already and i figured I’d walk to wherever we chose. This area is about a half hour from where we live but Kate was already looking into that area just because it has a better nightlife. But it felt like every time I made a suggestion, there was something wrong with it and she had weird expectations for what this guy’s outing should look like, which I think would only lead to her disappointment. Anyway, she finally settled on a bar near our houses. A place that cards at the door. I reminded her that I couldn’t go in and she just got frustrated. So feeling slightly annoyed myself since I didn’t feel like she heard any of my suggestions, I just told her to have fun and I don’t want to stand in the way of her plans, and I meant it. I made peace with the fact that she’d go somewhere where I couldn’t join anyway and that was fine.
Next night comes and goes. I’m on the heaviest of my period so I was more than happy to stay home. I look on Snapchat and see Kate’s FWB posted a picture with her. She initially wasn’t going to invite him to this little hang out, so I figured because she didn’t really have a solid plan, it fell through and she just decided to spend time with her FWB. No biggie.
Wednesday comes (day after supposed hangout), I’m again chilling at home and I’m on Snapchat again. I check out the story of this girl I haven’t hung out with in a while; let’s call her Madison. In Madison’s story, I see Kate with her FWB sitting at a table of a really swanky restaurant/bar near my college campus. Kate knows Madison, but they haven’t talked in over a year, partly because Madison didn’t like some of Kate’s behavior or absentmindedness (whole other story). So my first thought was “WTF, I can’t believe Madison knows FWB, how cool!” I figured that FWB had plans of his own and invited people to this restaurant and I thought that it made more sense that it was a coincidence that he happened to know Madison as well. So I message Madison on Snapchat as well as FWB, sending them a similar message that “whoa, I can’t believe you two know each other!” Then they both explained “well now we do. Kate invited us all out, it was cool.”
This honestly bugged me for a few reasons. First off, this place was not only right by my campus, but it was more a restaurant than a bar, something she was super against when I was helping with suggestions. I could have easily joined them if I wanted to. Second, it was not so much about me going or not. I had a nice night home alone. It was more so the fact that Kate never just messaged me saying “hey, so this is what I ended up planning. Come join us if you’d like to.” But she didn’t mention this to me at all. The way I found out, through the Snapchat of a girl Kate hadn’t talked to in over a year, was the most hurtful part.
I messaged Kate telling her about this and how it made me feel. Her response was that she was trying to stay in our town to make it easier on me but how that didn’t work for me.... she obviously wasn’t listening if she’s being honest because I kept telling her how it would just be easier if we stuck to the area near my campus. When I told her that her not telling me made me feel excluded, she just said “Well when you left you seemed kinda pissed about me trying to work around that so I didn't wanna stress you out anymore.” I kept trying to explain how she could’ve just asked and whether I said yes or no didn’t matter, just the fact that she didn’t think of me, especially when it was a place that I would’ve been able to go to. She gave a half assed apology with an excuse. When i told her that it’s not that i was mad, but more hurt than anything, she just said “ok.”
I was really irritated with how she handled all this more than anything. I get that it was a misunderstanding but in the end, what I’m most annoyed about is that she just continued to make excuses and stay on the defense when I just wanted her to own up and say she was sorry for making me feel left out. I don’t really know what to say to her. This isn’t the first time that when she showed lack of thought to something, she didn’t apologize and stayed on the defense. If this wasn’t already a habit of sorts, I would’ve let this go, but I think I deserved more thought in this case. Today she messaged me saying she wants to talk about this in person, but I don’t really know what to say to her. On one hand, I feel like i deserve way better than what happened, but I still can’t help but feel like I’m being too harsh on her. Am I the one actually being the asshole here?
TL;DR: best friend tried inviting me to a hangout and wanted my help planning it. She shot down all of my ideas and Settled on a place I couldn’t go to. I told her to just have fun and go without me (i wasn’t being passive aggressive, i meant it), but still felt a little annoyed. Day came and went, I was fine, I heard nothing from her. Next day, I realize she had a huge event with a bunch of our old friends at a place that was very easily accessible to me and she didn’t even notify me of it. I found out from an acquaintance’s Snapchat. Best friend just kept making shitty excuses when I tried addressing this. Since she’s done similar stuff before, I don’t know how much more I can tolerate. I feel like I deserve better.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
anyom3
|
{
"description": "getting upset my gf always says she's sad but never says why",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting upset my gf always says she’s sad but never says why?
|
Some background I have gone through a lot of hard times over the past five years with the death of a parent and another with cancer and just general anxiety.
My gf always seems to get sad or upset most days of the week. Sometimes it’s small things like issues at work or her friends ignoring her. I never compare our hardships and I know those things suck. Her grandfather has also gone downhill health wise but he’s still aware and moving around and it has stayed consistent.
I never have problems dealing with her troubles as they happen so often I have gotten used to it. But she will many times just say she’s had a horrible day, is upset and sad, will constantly tell me that day but always say “I don’t want to talk about it”.
Recently I have been getting annoyed, being short with her and ending conversations early. I get stressed out easily and her saying a bunch of things are wrong but not explaining really gives me anxiety.
Am I not being sensitive to her issues?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
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a890mj
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my bf for grieving",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my bf for grieving?
|
I (24) have been with my bf (30) for 3 months and we both live in a country neither of us are from.
Recently his grandmother, who has been sick for while, took a turn for the worst. He went back to his home country to visit her last week and he knows she will die soon. A year ago he saw his godmother die from cancer and this has affected him greatly.
The way he is dealing with this grief is to drink a lot, smoke weed and isolate himself emotionally from anyone. He will still go out to meet his friends but I know that he is not talking to them about what he is going through, but just partying.
My bf knows I previously escaped an abusive relationship with someone who had mental health issues worsened by a cannabis addiction. I was diagnosed with PTSD later on. For this reason, I ask my bf not to get high around me (I feel this is reasonable as we only see eachother about once a week). One time he rolled a spliff in secret in the bathroom and lied about it when I confronted him. He later apologised.
My father was also an alcoholic who had been in rehab several times and constantly threatened suicide. My bf also knows this.
I understand that he prefers space so I have constantly reassured him that I am here to talk but I will not push him. He has cried a couple of times and i have comforted him, staying up all night and trying my best to reassure him he is not alone.
Other than these infrequent moments of him letting me in, he will usually behave like an asshole. If you were not to know that he is suffering so much, you would just think he was a shitty bf by the way he behaves.
For 1 out of the 3 moths we have been dating he has been incredibly distant and uncaring. He rarely wants to meet and when we do he seems very uninterested and selfish. He says this is because he goes into a shell when he grieves. I constantly do nice things for him (helping him with a job presentation written in my native language and not his, making him cute gifts, coming to his flat so that he doesn’t have to come to mine, asking about his day etc.), but this is never reciprocated.
Unfortunately I do also suffer from anxiety and depression. Recently I went through 3 days or so of intense suicidal idealisation to the point of planning. Despite me trying to reach out to my bf about my depression, albeit cryptically, I was met with replies like “you’ll be fine. Think of people who are much worse off like me”. I have not mentioned it since, and he has chastised me for being closed off regarding this topic. I have explained that I felt shut down the last time and he has apologised.
A few days ago he was flying back from his country and we had planned to meet. Messaging me from the airport, he tells me the flight is delayed. I had cancelled plans with my friends to spend some much coveted time with him and asked him to tell me when the flight would take off.
A few hours later of waiting, I message him and it turns out he has already landed and is on his way to his flat. I told him I was disappointed he didn’t update me since I was waiting on him but he just told me he was in a rush and he was sorry. He told me he was too sad to go work the following day and would call in sick, however asked if I wanted to go with him to a birthday party that night. A little taken aback that he wanted to go out, I still agreed. He said he was running late so I could meet him there. This was the final straw for me since I did know these people and I did not want to turn up to a flat I’ve never been before for someone’s birthday i don’t know on my own. My bf also told me he was feeling self-destructive “like when [his] godmother died” and planned to drink and smoke a lot and that I could not change his mind about this.
I told him this would be upsetting for me and I didn’t want to go. The next 2 days after that he was unresponsive to my messages. I begged him to talk to me about what was going on and how he felt about the relationship and he refused. Because he made it impossible to meet and talk I broke up with him via text.
I am very open to the possibility that AIMA. Unfortunately I have a warped sense of what is ok in a relationship due to previous abuse, so I find it hard to tell if I’m being too sensitive and selfish or if I’m too forgiving.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
0exHJAzk39WVwdlzOZyJQ2op6nc7JLiS
|
a5w18a
|
{
"description": "talking about athletes with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for talking about athletes with my boyfriend?
|
So this was in my last relationship with my now ex boyfriend. I enjoy watching sports, hockey and soccer in particular. He hates my hockey team, which may be part of his bitterness, but Idk.
We did not talk about sports too often, but I was talking about my teams, I would mention my two favorite players. It's just that these players are the best on their teams and score and contribute to the game. A few times, I made a comment like "that play/goal was almost as beautiful as he is" and jokingly called my fav player my one true love. Exbf would get offended I would even say anything like that. We had been dating for two months so it wasn't like I even loved exbf at this point.
It apparently bothered him so much that when I didn't want to give him a bj, he asked if I would be willing to suck the player's dick. I am a virgin and it takes me a little while to get comfortable in a relationship before I am ready to do anything sexual. He knew this because I had to explain it to him multiple times. He would get frustrated when I did not want to go farther and accuse me of denying him while being open to having sex with my favorite player. I honestly never said anything sexual about the players in front of him and I don't know where he got it from.
AITA for making him insecure with a few throwaway comments about an athlete's attractiveness or how they were my one true love? Should I just not joke around like that in front of future boyfriends?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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RIGHT
|
Rc1XT5IcsGQMqyv8xtRPNhGsPhlw0pAE
|
azgdhj
|
{
"description": "wanting to split a referral bonus with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to split a referral bonus with my friend?
|
In January, I was looking for a job and decided to apply to a local supermarket. After applying, I had learned that one of my close friends had started working there 2 weeks prior. I was already hired when my friend tells me about a referral program where if I worked 3 months at the supermarket, the person who referred me would receive an $100 bonus. In reality, he did NOT refer me to the job, as I had already applied to said job before I knew he had starting working there.
I agreed to signing the referral form for him, on the condition that we split the money considering he did not actually refer me. I give him an ultimatum of either zero dollars or splitting the $100. He reluctantly agrees, we drop the subject, and consider it done.
Fast forward 3 months later, and the referral bonus will be given 2 weeks from now. However, he mentions to me that when he gets the bonus, he would NOT be splitting it with me, as he thinks it is stupid to split the referral money. He says no one else has done this before, and that when he was referred (by someone who actually DID refer him), the person who referred him kept the $100. I explain to him that ours is a separate case because he did **not actually refer me**. I stress to him that I would have not signed the referral form if I knew he would be keeping the $100 for himself, and he responds by saying that he only yes’d me in order for me to sign the form. He thinks I am going back on my word for signing the referral bonus if I did not plan on giving it to him, and I think he went back on *his* word by only agreeing to split the $100 in order for my to sign the paper. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
Ofwy9utaIECfTpNCau8vqNE7k0Dp2WJ1
|
ac3g6k
|
{
"description": "telling off my sister",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling off my sister?
|
This holiday season, I cussed out one of my sisters. Now the family and a couple in-laws are telling me what to do, and I disagree. I’m too biased and clouded in frustration to judge.
To provide a better background, I will objectively provide information as I can recall it, in no particular order. Please save your judgements until the end. And it’s a long one so if you’re not ready, maybe come back later.
This holiday blunder was triggered when Sister 1 commented “Better.” on my Instagram photo, of before and after a shave and a haircut. In this context, my sister already has a history of making judgements on my appearance and criticizing my choice of shirts or hairstyles or shaving. We only see each other during the holidays, and this is box usually gets checked pretty quickly into her visits.
This holiday season, like many recent holidays, Sister 1’s in-laws hosted dinner at their house. Usually 10-20 people dinners. Sister 1 and my mother stay with said in-laws over the holidays. I go up to visit the day after they drove to town, and the first thing Sister 1 says is “Untuck your shirt. You’re not a cowboy.” I was wearing a plaid shirt, and had tucked it in to look more presentable. All the nice sweaters or jackets I have are hand-me-downs from her husband, and I didn’t want to show up to HIS family’s dinner, wearing HIS old clothes. We’re the same size, and have similar tastes. Sister 1’s comment irritated me, but I spent the day with them, played with the kids, and we had dinner. After dinner, Sister 2 and I went out for a dart and she helped me carry some bags to my car.
Sister 2 tried to pull an ultimatum on me, holding my Christmas gift hostage. My family grew up in City A, but my Mom moved 8 hours away to City B to be a full-time Grandma and nanny for Sister 1. When she asked what I wanted for Christmas, I asked her to take me grocery shopping at Costco. She is on a pension, but receives assistance for taking care of the grandkids, and earns a small income by cleaning. She is not struggling, but dipped into a local food bank for cans regardless. She claims that no one was taking any food and it’s always overflowing. She brought the food up to give to me, and while I do not agree with taking from the food bank, I was not going to refuse canned goods that she drove across the province with: I’m a student who cooks in a microwave and a toaster-oven. My sister was concerned that my mother is struggling. While helping me bring the cans to my car, she said “If you take the cans from Mom, you can’t go with her to Costco. She can’t afford it.” I had already discussed this with my mother. She asked what I wanted for Christmas, and of course “nothing” is not an acceptable answer, so I asked her to take me grocery shopping at Costco. I expressed my concerns for her budget and she insisted that she was glad to. So we went anyway. With the food bank stuff and her old pantry stuff, we only spent $120 CAD at Costco, with about 11 items. I felt depressed the whole time, and although my mother encouraged me to get more, I insisted I was done shopping and wanted to go home.
Christmas Day comes around. I was supposed to go up for breakfast, but I felt so anxious about my sister making rude comments. Normally, I go smoke with Sister 2 and we vent about how Sister 1 is behaving, but I didn’t want to talker to Sister 2 after what she said about the cans. In my anxiety, I had spent Christmas Eve self-medicating and trying to decide whether or not I wanted to go up and watch the kids open gifts. I decided to stay out of it and slept in. I was anxious about dealing with Sister 1 and Sister 2, and knew I was stressed out. I skipped Christmas dinner because leaving in the middle of the visit would be making a scene. Instead I drank and smoked all day in my basement. Before I went to bed, drunk and stoned, at 5am on the 26th, I texted Sister 2 that she she really shat on my Christmas and I felt very disrespected in how she’s been treating me both recently, and over the years. This got me riled up as I texted Sister 1 how I felt about her comments, using a couple curses. Sister 1 responded with “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Sister 2 did not respond. I spoke to Sister 5 later that day, and she encouraged me to apologize. I eventually compromised with a “I’m sorry I got snippy over text, but I’m still not ready to talk to you.”
Couple days later, Sister 1 txts me in the morning to invite me to hot pot dinner at Sister-in-law’s place. We got a big snow drop that day, and Sister-in-law lives 40 minutes out of town, and my car and winter tires are all junky. I did not RSVP to this dinner: I felt weird about bailing on Christmas, and didn’t want to lie to the in-laws about why I wasn’t there. For Christmas dinner, I had told my mother to say I made last-minute plans and was busy. If I attended this dinner, I’m sure they’d ask how my Christmas was, and I’d have to perpetuate the lie or tell them I was tired of dealing with Sisters 1 & 2, which I would be rude and causing a scene in their impression. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go or not. I guess the plans changed a few times because of weather, but no one told me. I messaged and called an hour before leaving the house, but they were busy with family, the kids, etc. I left the house, drove out 40 minutes to an out of town property in heavy snowfall, and found an dark, empty house. I played a bit of fetch with the dog, had a smoke, and drove home.
When I got home, I texted Sister 1 my frustration about driving out there and no one trying to call or text me. I didn’t hear from them until I was halfway into town, and didn’t see the missed call or txt until I got home. I told her “Holy F’in Inconsiderate”, less the censor.
She responded with an “Are you kidding me?!” tone, noting that I hadn’t RSVP’d. I chewed her out for not even apologizing for being a “F’in B” to me and her “Half-A’d apology. What a joke” and “F’in passive aggressive.” again, less the censors. She defended her “I’m sorry you feel that way.”, saying it wasn’t passive aggressive to acknowledge and accept your feelings. I called her a highroading ‘see you next Tuesday’, with more efficient vocabulary. And that was that.
Later that night Sister-in-law-2 messages me saying I should apologize and family is family sisterly love, whatever. I told her I’m a “Let’s work it out” type, not so much a “Forgive, and forget” type, but that I need my sisters to put in a bit effort if I’m gonna keep apologizing for feeling upset about the way they treat me.
I spend New Years with my friends.
The day before the family drives home, we have dinner at a local restaurant. It’s a little tense, but I laugh along with a few stories, talked to Sister 2 about how she’s doing, and played with the kids. Sister 1’s hubby, Brother-in-law, pays for dinner. As we are all leaving and exchanging awkward hugs, the family starts walking to their cars. I hang back because I want to have a quick smoke before jumping in my car. Brother-in-law hugs me and then holds me in place. I tried moving his arms and pushing him back lightly, but he held by my shoulders and wouldn’t let me move. He said “I’m sorry about all the confusion, it was crazy. But don’t ever swear at your family.” I felt affronted, said Ok, and said goodbye.
I picked up my friend after dinner to play video games, but still felt frustrated. I txted Brother-in-law, “I’m sorry I upset your wife. But please don’t hold me in place while you tell me how to behave with my family”. And yes, I get that’s my sister is his family now too. He txted “Do you want to talk, instead of txt?” I told him that’s all I wanted to say. Then he tried calling me, so I answered and said “<Name>, I’m with my friend right now. The quarrel is between my sisters and I and I don’t want to talk with YOU.” — “OK.” — “Have a good night... drive safe, thanks again for dinner.”
That’s it. I feel like the asshole. I used words as weapons. But at this point, simply apologizing would diminish my plight, and solve a symptom, but not the problem. Am I being an irrational asshole? My friends support me standing up for myself, but any family who knows says I should be apologizing and that it’s not OK to swear at family.
Tl;dr Been feeling disrespected by my sister, and when I had enough of it, I cussed her out. Wrote this during Evan Almighty.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
YeqFMkCbzjrBciV5Hf3ZlMSVCBie48On
|
anmq30
|
{
"description": "not wanting to do anything for my deceased father's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not wanting to do anything for my deceased father's birthday?
|
*My father passed away in November of 2017. It was a peaceful death, it was in his sleep and in his own bed, in his own home. His birthday is today (5th of February.)*
&#x200B;
**TL;DR**: My Dad passed away in 2017, today was his birthday. I didn't wanna do anything, Aunt insisted I did and to stop being selfish. I decline her in a pretty disrespectful way after accusing me of being selfish. AITA for wanting to spend time alone?
&#x200B;
I am currently 17m. My mom, aunt (father's sister) and my brother all want to go out to eat, spend time with each other and light off these lanterns in the sky (I'm highly against these because they're horrible for the environment and can cause fires, but that's just another nitpick) I respectfully declined. In a depressive state, not really wanting to be involved in this whole day. I just want to sit in my room, have little to no interaction with anyone and try my best not to have a panic attack. I spoke with my girlfriend and even told her If I'm not as open to talk today, that is why. She said she totally understood and gave me my space. I just wish my family was more like this. I had no problem with them going without me, I even encouraged it. I would've even been okay with making dinner at my place. I really just didn't want to go out. Not today. I didn't want to kill their somewhat good time. I wasn't in the mood to eat, talk, see, let alone go out to a restaurant and do all of the above. My aunt (who does not know when to keep her mouth shut) pretty much barges in on me in my room, asking (and I quote)
&#x200B;
>Aunt: "So what the hell? You don't wanna come with us on your fathers birthday? Or light a lantern?"
>
>
>
>Me: "No, I'd rather spend this time alone. I'd like to cope with this in my own way. He was my father ya know."
>
>
>
>Aunt: "Well you need to come. You need to go out, support your mother through this and stop being so selfish."
>
>
>
>Me: "Just get out, honestly. I don't need your shit right now, ever since my dad passed, you've been on my ass trying to make me feel like shit. Or at least that's what it feels like. I'm not doing anything or going anywhere, so just get the hell out please."
&#x200B;
She stood there in awe and just left with my mom and brother to the restaurant. None of them tried to convince me otherwise except my aunt. I'd assume it's because they all respect my decision to cope with this by myself. So, AITA for not wanting to do anything besides spend my time alone?
&#x200B;
***Disclaimer***: Not asking if I'm the asshole for talking the way I did to my aunt, I put it in there for context. Please try to focus on the point of "Not wanting to do anything with my family for my dad's birthday." Thanks for reading guys.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
GdSf40AdCPdTVK7DKN19078CDyZnE9D6
|
am46op
|
{
"description": "having a key",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for having a key
|
Today my girlfriend and I were supposed to spend the day together after her classes. I was going to drive her to school and wait for her to get out. While we were leaving she had me park by our apartment and give her my keys so she could run inside real quick. On my keyring is a handcuff key that I've had on there for a while. Its from a previous relationship and was used for sex. Although it was on my keyring because I just didn't really think about it. She came back and asked
-whats the key for?
-handcuffs
-were they used for sex?
-yes
She got very upset and said that it was incredibly disrespectful. And now I'm home alone. Am I really the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
a40UqqVmiA9y9zvfdQbVC6czGY9tVb63
|
aor4ll
|
{
"description": "reminding my gf about the meals I paid for",
"pronormative_score": 268,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for reminding my gf about the meals I paid for?
|
My gf and I have been dating for half a year. In that time, I've paid for most of our meals and drinks. I've paid for all our tickets to events, random snacks and ride shares which really add up. I know this because I use an app to budget what I spend so I don't go over.
I usually don't mind paying but once in a while I'd ask if we'd be able to split the bill when we eat out. And we eat out a lot because it's something she enjoys. I try to steer her towards eating leftovers at times but she'd rather go to brunch or whatever she's craving atm. Anyway, there always seems to be tension when I ask so I try to not do it too often.
That being said, I did begin minding when I overheard her tell her friend that I'm stingy because I asked if we could split the bill. I didn't mention anything because, hey, maybe I was being stingy. But that comment really rooted itself in me and it came to a head recently.
Now let me tell you something about my gf. She's forgetful. Really forgetful. You know how I say I pay for drinks and meals most of the time? It's because she forgets her wallet or it's cash only and she doesn't carry cash. She's the type of person to forget a conversation from an hour ago.
Back to what happened. One day I mentioned to her if we could maybe not eat out so much because my statements have become double what they used to be. And I mean this literally. My expenses had literally doubled or more during the time we've dated.
This is when she said it's not due to her because she always pays half and doesn't think I always foot the bill. Which is when I got a little pissed. Here she is telling her friends I'm stingy while at the same time telling me she doesn't think I pay for much. I'm thinking she's probably telling her friends I don't pay for shit either. In anger, I list off a bunch of restaurants we've eaten at recently where I paid and explain to her Ubers and Lyfts and tickets aren't cheap.
And that's when she blew up. I mean she lost it. If this was a cartoon, you'd literally see steam blow out her ears like a tea kettle. She went off on me about what kind of person remembers what meals they've paid for and stopped talking to me.
So, AITA? I feel like I could have phrased things better but the moment got to me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CtX0om41Du0EJcpAAFGzYNABSqJpq4ka
|
aqdys6
|
{
"description": "looking for my wallet at the park by myself",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for looking for my wallet at the park by myself?
|
So this afternoon I stopped by the neighborhood park to play some Pokémon GO when all of a sudden I realized I can’t feel my wallet. I panic since I had a hundred bucks cash in it along with my debit and credit cards. I start retracing my steps and at this point I’ve put my phone away and I’m looking down at the ground trying to see if it’s anywhere here. I’m speed walking/running/regular walking and minding my own attention because I figure if I’ve dropped it within these past few minutes there’s still a high chance it’ll be here since it was still a bit early. Well, I spend about an hour to no avail and when I’m walking out to my car a car stops abruptly in front of me and there’s a lady with her boyfriend and a dog and she asks me if there’s any reason I’m walking around in the park by myself. I’m about to answer when she cuts me off and says I’m “creeping everyone around” and I should understand that a grown man walking around in the park by himself would creep people. That itself was sexist, but I try not to get angry and think maybe they might have found my wallet by chance? I look a little different than my ID picture so they might not recognize me if they had found it and I explain I’m sorta freaking out since I lost my wallet somewhere and I apologize for “scaring” you. I was in no mood pick a fight, but after a really crappy hour or so of walking around the park only to be told that by some rando who I had not even seen before really sucked.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
X6Hm43shJbFZp9UY7EyrAhmHA0cnPXJs
|
ba765m
|
{
"description": "asking the tattoo artist to adjust the stensil to the right",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking the tattoo artist to adjust the stensil to the right?
|
I recently went to this parlour to get my very first tattoo. So we go over the legal stuff, everything is dandy, he seems like a down to earth guy.
When I go at the appointment and show him reference pictures he tells me ''No worries, I can get this sorted"
He shows me a couple of sketches and everything looks good. He makes a stensil and places it on my arm and I ask him to move it up a bit.
The tattooist was like, I totally understand, get it perfect it's your first tattoo. He reapplies it however it was too far to the left, as in the inside of my forearm which wasn't ideal and I just was not happy with it. I debate whether or not to prompt him to move and finally decide to tell him about the issue.
The guy absolutely loses his shit and goes
"Get out of my studio! I've done everything and you just won't be happy with it whatever I do"
Being absolutely shocked, I sincerely apologise to him and ask him to please continue working on it "No chance, two strikes and you are out"
So am I the asshole? It's my first tattoo and maybe it's a pain having to adjust the stensil but why react so aggressively?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 16,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
gPGGRuNRpBQTPOXUZl8PCVPcLTE6UlFT
|
a71zmv
|
{
"description": "wanting to leave my bipolar, fetishistic husband of 28 years",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to leave my bipolar, fetishistic husband of 28 years?
|
My husband (54) and I (55)have been together for 28years. He has bipolar, epilepsy, and a spanking fetish. He has said that is the only thing that turns him on.
When we married 28years ago, I was just beginning to deal with my own traumatic experiences with my drunk dad and my narcissistic mom. Throw in that my youngest brother molested me when I was a young child.
I have worked out a lot of my issues in therapy. I asked him to go to individual therapy but he said no every time. My head is truly clear for the first time.
I just don't love him....he says he loves me. I feel like leaving him is like kicking a puppy. He is very emotionally sensitive. He has a lot of good in him but is also very self deprecating and introverted.
Our 2 sons are 22 and 20 respectively. My oldest doesn't want me to divorce his father. My younger son doesn't know yet.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 13,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
K6ehYf1k4XNpXPCOVtfnSPbpptDv6UIl
|
b6wyp4
|
{
"description": "wanting to not waste food",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to not waste food?
|
At least, that is how it started...
We are moving house. I had been clearing the kitchen over the last few days, taking it slow, we have time and it is one of the last tasks, but getting it done while also using the space... She comes in this morning starts clearing in there, says she is going to throw away food that is still good (balsamic vinegar) because we can not find the lid. I find a lid, not the right lid, and wrap some cling film about d to secure it all while she is saying how inexpensive it is and how we can just buy a new one. I tell her that is wasteful and how we can still use it, she is getting visibly frustrated and raising her voice a little over the fact that I want to keep it and not waste it. She then starts calling me a control freak because I wouldn't let her throw it away, I react and say that i don't want to waste food, frustradely, granted. She then went off to the bedroom and kept telling me i was being controlling and that i was a control freak.
I went to ask her to speak about it, because i had got annoyed and i told her that and i wanted to explain how her calling me a control freak made me feel, and because i was annoyed and because i didn't relent (and didn't get to explain my feelings about what she was doing and what i was doing etc as she was not letting me in the midst of that) to talk about how i wanted to explain why i was making a stand on this decision she starts shouting me down and telling me she doesn't consent to the conversation.
Seems petty (perhaps) but this is a small part of something bigger and is a standard for how she reacts when i want to talk about how what she does effects me and want to talk about our marriage in general.
Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
M0JmRQdN5JyG0TjBws2InxgqgHMwAaSl
|
avcv7p
|
{
"description": "ruining the day because of a petty argument",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for ruining the day because of a petty argument?
|
So some quick context: I and two of my friends, who I will call friend A and friend B, are three weeks away from our college finals. Since all three of us are gamers and we usually play together, we agreed that we wouldn't play together during the day to avoid procastination.
This morning friend A sent us a message, asking if we wanted to play. I reminded him of the rule, and we left it at that. Afterwards, I got a message from an online friend that wanted to talk to me/show me something real quick in a game. So I went into the game, and immediately I get messages from both A and B saying "Wow, you said no to playing ealier but now you're in-game? Ok." I tell them that I was going into the game for a quick thing, and that didn't go against the rule since it was about playing together. I said they're the ones upset over nothing. I also mentioned that friend A would usually listen to study material while gaming, so them being upset for me going into a game for 5 minutes was really hypocritical.
That's when the argument broke out. They argued for the fact that it was rude for me to say no to playing and then immediately after going into another game alone. I said I was in it for 5 minutes max, and that me playing shouldn't bother them. I then mentioned that I'm even ahead of my study schedule and asked if they can say the same, and that it should be none of their business that I procastinate.
I then got a bit petty (unusual for me) and decided to say that it's always you two against me, and that I didn't appreciate how they always had shade to throw at me. I critisised friend A for breaking the rule we had come up with, and he excused it with I forgot. When I said the study schedule thing he mentioned that he's sick and couldn't study. Fair enough, I wished him "Get well".
After a bit more arguing that my procastination and solo gaming should be none of their business, friend B (who wasn't involved in most of the arguing) sent us an all caps message and told us to shut up, since she can't concentrate due to the notifications. I responded "If I don't want to?" She then responded that I should respect her studying, again in all caps. I told her about the scheduled do not disturb feature on the phone and left it at that. Later she sent a voicemail where she sobbed and said that I ruined her day.
You can do two judgements here: Was I an asshole from the start and was I an asshole by the end? I feel like somewhat of an ass by the end, but I didn't really do anything to upset her before the end, since the argument mainly ran between me and A.
TLDR: Friend A asks us to game, I remind him of a rule between us against that. I then enter a game alone, friend A and B argue against me doing that and in the end friend B tells me I ruined her day due to the argument.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
BVArR2ss2ORYYFKaFhbBPILFmpMHZUtX
|
9ur31l
|
{
"description": "pestering some mods",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for pestering some mods?
|
And by pestering mods I mean I made 3 posts within 24 hours.
Backstory: So I recently posted a comment on r/lgbt about thanking a post reminding everyone to vote democratic. So I thanked them and assured them that I would be voting republican now due to the post. That part I know I'm being an asshole, don't worry.
But then like half an hour later I got banned from the subreddit. Shocking I know. But I sent them a reply saying that I couldn't figure out why I was banned because I couldn't find which rule I had broken, nor did the thing banning me tell me which rules I had broken. Very cordial(at least i think it was).
5 hours later havent heard anything so I ask for a confirmation that someone has at least looked at my post as I know they are busy.
24 hours after original post I comment that I will now assume the worst about them because its been a day and they haven't gotten back to me. This promptly gets me a mute for 72 hours so I cannot talk to them for 72 hours.
Of course this last comment I could see as breaking the rule of not giving the mods sass, but they hadn't gotten back to me in a whole day. I was a bit irritable.
So I would like to know if I'm being an outright asshole to the mods before I continue pestering them once the 72 hour mute is over.
Tldr: sucks, read the whole thing.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
9kT4bikL8iflmWPw2c7Yb1hKxAuFba93
|
b8vjhy
|
{
"description": "not wanting to financially support my friend's short film",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to financially support my friend's short film?
|
My friend is a 1st-year film major who has wrote the script for a short movie (\~30 min.) that he is planning on shooting over the summer. I am a 2nd-year student at a different university. I am not a film major, but I am a film buff. I have already committed myself to help with the movie when we come home during the summer, and perhaps play a major role. My friend is adamant in shooting it using Super 8 film. He has estimated that the choice of film (including development and what-not) to be roughly $2,500. This cost has only been communicated to me. I'm not sure if it is accurate. This is where my issue takes place. I believe the movie should not be shot on film.
&#x200B;
My friend has made it clear over the past school year about how he is against shooting on digital, and believes the "true filmmakers" shoot using film. He is even hesitant to watch movies such as *Roma*, because he believes that it being shot on digital is an insult to true cinema. I do not know where these viewpoints originated, and why they have to be so extreme. I have talked to him many times about the option of shooting on digital, but he is stubborn and this only seems to fuel his drive to shoot on film.
&#x200B;
As far as I know, he hasn't taken any film-centered classes. He has mainly taken required non-major classes, and other art classes. As I previously stated, I am a film buff, but I know nothing about shot composition and lighting. Shooting on film, while it looks nice, still won't look cinematic or good without some proper knowledge of cinematography. This is my reasoning for wanting him to shoot on digital, and therefore save thousands of dollars. I know he already needs a digital motion picture camera for school, and the cast consists of just our friend group. Since most of us won't ask or want to be payed, it would cost significantly less.
&#x200B;
He has already hinted to me and some others that he'll need major financial help with this movie. He comes from a relatively poor household. While I am far from rich, my family is well off. I do not want to contribute any money.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
xoKLFqQHC5EnjkQKpDLfKmT7EGXS0Kai
|
b8s0tx
|
{
"description": "did'ting pay my ex's legal fees",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I did't pay my ex's legal fees?
|
Basically in December of 2018 my partner at the time and I were pulled over my the police when they found two bongs in my car. My ex (with literally no prompt from me whatsoever) took the blame and ended up being arrested. I felt absolutely horrible about it and said that I would be willing to assist with some of the court fees. No written agreement was ever made, just a verbal exchange. We later broke up in April of 2018 after he had an abusive episode. He then went through basically a year's worth of court hearings (I believe there were four separate court dates) and later informed me that he had racked up nearly $2,000 (NZD) worth of lawyer fees that he wanted me to pay half of "like I agreed". He was NOT convicted.
I did pay half of the initial fine which was about $100NZD each.
The problem is this, I know that he has had multiple hearings/drug support meetings etc. but I have no way of verifying if he obeyed the requirements of the court system. I don't know if his notorious negligence lead him to be late and just generally cause a hindrance to him not being acquitted sooner, thus not having THIS much of a lawyer fee.
My friends absolutely don't think that I should pay him for anything but like I definitely feel bad about it! He did me an absolute solid by taking the blame. I'm trying not to write this from a bias point of view but this guy literally ruined my life. He stalked me for months after we split up I threatened to call the police on him numerous times and we KEEPS pestering me about this money and I don't think I should pay it?
So WIBTA if I didn't? Even if at the time I was dating him, I verbally agreed that I would pay some of it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
7URp93ilRI0J26BN1AKz8z7RPbfRl9Eb
|
b2fbld
| null |
AITA for what letting a girl know what people thought about her
|
On mobile so sorry for format and typos
Reposting because it was deleted
So i used to like this girl 4 years back. Anyways i liked her for about 3 years(means story ends 1 year back) and during the whole time my friends told me that she was slutty and slept around and stuff like that. They told me she does drugs (tablets, brown sugar, etc not hardcore stuff) but i liked her anyways. I confessed to her many times but to no avail yet i couldn't help liking her. How i met her was that we were in tuitions, and she was there as well but she was in a relationship at the time yet we kissed when we were drunk. I held back cuz i didn't wanna be that kinda guy. She soon broke up with the guy and i got my hopes up but..... nothing. She even tried to get me into a mcm but i knew what it was and tried to stop her cuz she wasn't really in yet but she joined up anyways. Life went on like that for a while but 3 years later i was at the same place since the beginning so i knew it was a lost cause. Finally, i thought ill just ask her the truth( about the drugs and stories my friends told me about her sleeping around) and if she doesn't know what im talking about then ill try for some more time. But when i did ask her, she cried and was us straight up depressed, like really depressed. Idk if it was because it was the truth and people knew (same circle of friends) or because it was because it was all lies and that thats what people thought about her. I couldn't handle seeing her so sad so i finally just told her that i was lying and it was me who thought these and wanted to know. She just stopped talking and left. She now has a bf and seems happy...i think....havent met her in a while. Shes blocked me on all social media sites but i found out that we're in the same city now...so i thought id just ask, was i an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
jRcbIuFmEatTLwfG4zRWaLwsHNAyaJK1
|
aly5vt
|
{
"description": "demanding my gf, who has never lived on her own, to live on her own first before I move in with her",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for demanding my gf, who has never lived on her own, to live on her own first before I move in with her?
|
context.
gf and I have been going at it for almost a year, and the idea of moving in together came up. but she has never lived on her own, and she doesn't understand concepts like 'first and last month rent is due at signing'. AITA for then demanding she learn to live on her own first before I move in with her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
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}
|
WRONG
|
23lxXtStZL2BBd0SKPaAK3bF9ZODlYWX
|
axzhol
|
{
"description": "wanting to break up with my vegan girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 259,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for wanting to break up with my vegan girlfriend?
|
Bit of background: I have been with my current girlfriend for 2 years, she's vegan but she doesn't mind that much if I eat meat when I'm out, just won't kiss me for a few hours after... She's also ok if I order takeaway with meat on.
However the issue is that a couple of weeks ago we were talking about moving in together and she says "well you'll obviously not be making meat in the house anyway" which just took me by surprise and after talking about it a bit more (which turned into an argument) it turns out that when/if we moved in together that she expects me to not cook or eat meat in the house at all, even if we had separate pans, cooking utensils etc. Her reasoning is that "I just find it disgusting, I'll never have it in my house, you can eat it at work but not in the house" I understand relationships are about compromise and sacrifice but surely the compromise here is to have separate cooking utensils.
I went from wanting to move in with her and progress our relationship to hitting this wall and thinking that one of us will just end up resenting the other if we are so opposed on this and one has to concede. I don't really want to convert to being a vegan as I'm a fussy eater as it is, and I don't believe that I should feel pressured into becoming one. So... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
11qWTqaaRW8nmZfHaVYR2LZDDtq4nM1N
|
arnzwg
|
{
"description": "having trust issues",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for having trust issues?
|
So my boyfriend and I have always had trust issues. There’s several reasons why but I’ll give the big reason why.
When we started dating he had a best friend who was always around him. She bought him things, made him food, texted goodnight/good morning I love you everyday, ate lunch with just the two of them everyday etc. I tried to not question it because I just assumed they were really good friends, and he even told me that multiple occasions. Saying she’s just a giving and friendly person.
Well months go by and I discovered nudes on his phone from her, and text messages saying he felt something for her. Well I confronted him and he only confessed to the things he thought I knew. I asked if he had sex with her and he said no. I even asked if he’s cheated before and he said he’d never do that. He then blocked her off everything.
Months later i felt something wasn’t right. I was a little drunk and told him he is lying to me. I berate him until he told me a truth. And then that’s when he confessed that he had sex with her in the past. We had a long talk and towards the end “if there’s anything else you should tell me nows the time”. And I always do this, I always beg for honesty and have always asked him for the truth. And then he says no. Everything is off his chest.
I text her the next morning saying I knew (because he even had her lie to me saying they never did) we had a long talk, then I told both of them I forgive them.
The next day she told his ex that they had an affair while he was with his ex. They slept together several times while he was dating his ex. I was devastated again. First, he lies about sleeping with her. Next, I found out he cheated on his ex with the same girl and he didn’t even confess it to me. The ex was the one that delivered the news.
My trust issues blew through the roof.
Nowadays if something is bothering me I want to ask him about it because I really regretted not asking enough in the past. If I don’t trust him I tell him I don’t. He’s really open to communicate that kind of stuff now.
Well today something just struck a nerve and I called him out on checking girls out on Instagram. He told me that that accusation made him really sick. He got mad at me and told me that that’s not what he’s doing. But I know he’s doing that because he checks up on the same girls every time he goes on Instagram. But he just told me that “why would I ever do that, I already put you through so much” thing. And that I need to stop. I felt like my anger was really valid, because he accuses me of the same things.
I don’t know. Things like that really annoy me and I always kinda feel a little inkling that he’s always looking at other girls or that he’s treating me wrongly behind my back. I want to be a good girlfriend with no trust issues but whenever I feel somethings not right I have to tell him instead of bottling it up. I just can’t hold it in anymore. But he wants me to atleast try trusting him but I do try! It’s just giving me a hard time right now.
AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
WxXbeGt3R4BrFreRcuADDtmv8yWG2qLU
|
b6kxl3
|
{
"description": "pranking my Friend's car",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA For Pranking My Friend's Car
|
So, for background information, me and my friend are both Juniors in highschool(17 y/o). We live in an upper middle class area in the US and most of the kids around here get there parents old cars or get brand new ones however, my friend and i both bought our cars with our own money. Mine is a way crappier model (2006 Chevy Cobalt) than his but has 80k miles less miles and while i like that my car gets me where i need to be he is obsessed with his Infinity. This led to me pranking his car occasionally, leaving boxes on it and stuff, just as a little prank. Well that all led up to today...
Friend-F Helper-H
So yesterday H and I decided that since it is our last day before spring break we were gonna do something hilarious to F's car, we were gonna sticky note half of it. After about an hour or so H and I finished and we thought it looked great and it was an amazing prank, there would be no damage to his car and if the sticky notes left any residue I left a message on one of them that we'd give him 15 bucks for a car wash. F woild get out of school 4 hours later than H and I so we left and waited anxiously to get his reaction over text.
When F saw his car I got a very different reaction than expected, F wasnt upset at all. All F texted was "Very Funny." While suprised, I just thought maybe F actually thought it was funny and moved along. I was wrong.
The next day i go out and find my car with duct tape all over it, courtesy of F. I brought my parents outside to look at it and they were appalled. As we removed the tape my paint job was ruined, there were missing spots everywhere and it was overall ruined. I texted F that he went way over the line and F responded that i had it coming and that it wasnt as bad as what H and I did. I sent him pictures of the ruined paint job and he said i shouldnt have messed with his car in the first place. I proceeded to call him and argued (not going to lie i was yelling at this point) that he needed to pay for a new paint job and after about a minute of listening he cut me off. F proceeded to say that no matter what i did i never thought i was wrong and was a Perfect little cunt. After that i told him not to talk to me again and that my family is deciding if we need to take legal action.
So this leads me to my question AITA for starting it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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|
WRONG
|
V4RXO94KKwKcCse4MgncOXu2n99gxOTZ
|
af2n1a
|
{
"description": "not cleaning up my roommate's cat's shit",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not cleaning up my roommate’s cat’s shit?
|
Today I came home to a giant shit underneath my bathroom rug. One of my roommate’s cats shit in my bathroom and buried it under the bath-side rug. It was a large hand and a half full and wet as hell. As soon as he saw the mess, he said “have fun, I’m not cleaning that up”. His argument is that if I kept my bathroom door shut, the cat wouldn’t have shit in there, and because it’s in my bathroom, I should be responsible. I think he should clean it because it’s his effing cat, it doesn’t matter where the mess happened, it’s not my cat.
Am I the asshole for not cleaning the shit up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
8mQKq5XwRh27SKUa5wcgc8P18DtCn4RE
|
abgm84
|
{
"description": "telling my husband he was acting immature",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my husband he was acting immature?
|
While celebrating our NYE at a friends party, their couch unexpectedly broke. Now friend has a 9 year old son and after hearing my husband suggest putting a cinder clock under the couch for a temporary fix, he ran outside to get one. As soon as he comes back in with the cinder block he decides he’s going to fix the problem on his own. Awesome! My husband being the practical man he is, takes one look at the size of the block and the size of the couch and says it won’t fit. This doesn’t deter the kid, he’s bound to fix it and make it work. He’s struggling to make the block fit and my husband again says it won’t fit. Now other party goers are interested in what’s going on. The kid is obviously proud of himself trying to fix the couch and keeps trying to push the block under the couch. Husband is visibly annoyed because he knows it won’t fit. Kid tries to lift the couch to make the brick fit and struggles with the weight. Other people suggest my husband help the kid. My husband declines by again, saying the brick won’t fit and it’s going to make the couch un-level on one side. The kid pushes on without his help. Brick is currently residing under the couch supporting the break and couch seems slightly even now. However party goers are now annoyed at my husband because he wouldn’t help the kid-now in his defense he knew it wouldn’t and probably shouldn’t fit and wouldn’t actually fix anything. He’s already planning something else and mentions he’ll fix it later. Mother of said kid says to let kid think he’s helped and my husband can actually fix it at a later time. I agree. Husband gets upset because he feels attacked by mother because he didn’t help the kid. Now he’s silent and obviously very irritated. Everyone goes about their ways and enjoys the night. Husband is still irritated. So I send him a quick message explaining that he shouldn’t stew on it, this was more about helping the kid feel like he’d fixed it and then hubby could actually fix the couch. Husband snaps back that he wasn’t raised that way “if something is wrong you still tell the kid good job” I agree and say that he’s not the kids parent, it’s not his place to get involved like that. He then goes on to say if this is how I plan on parenting our child (currently pregnant) we’re going to have problems. I say, I don’t agree with that parenting style and say that he missed out on an opportunity to teach the kid a lesson. Rather than telling the kid he was wrong multiple times, he could have shown him why he was wrong and then helped him figure out a better solution. He goes on to complain about everything thinking he was a jerk ( no one outwardly mentioned this.) he did make it obvious he was upset and someone called him out on it but nothing was mentioned about being a jerk. I say “From a kids perspective you kid of were being a jerk, you only told him was wrong and it wouldn’t work multiple times. It was unintentional because you were being realistic but a 9 year old wouldn’t understand that. Besides everyone but you is over it” he then decides he doesn’t want to speak to me for the rest of the night. And rather than sleeping next to me in guest bed, he’s sleeping in the chair. As he’s getting up to go sleep in the chair I mention how he’s a grown man and he’s so upset by this that it’s ruined his night and he needs to let it go. I tell him the kid is currently laughing and spending time with his mom. Everyone is over it (because it’s really nothing) and he needs to let it go. He’s currently glaring at me from the chair.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
GjQGhTzWTYr9BfDqjfxo7fdnpQGxVzrr
|
aryv74
|
{
"description": "breaking up with a girl after she said she wanted to wait for sex",
"pronormative_score": 60,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for breaking up with a girl after she said she wanted to wait for sex?
|
I met this girl on tinder a couple months ago, and we started dating. About a week into dating, she tells me that last April she was sexually adsaulted, and that it messed her up, so I tried comforting her. She told me she wasn't comfortable around guys, aside from her ex that she was still best friends with, and at this point I was already considering breaking up. She lived around half an hour away, and I am an inexperienced driver, so that sucked too, but she said shed had been planning on moving in with a relative in town, which would have been 10 minutes away. She then informed me that she decided not to, and this is another factor in why I broke up with her
Another week goes by and she texts me while I'm at work, and she tells me she doesn't know when or if she will be ready to have sex again, and asked if i still wanted to date if there was no sex.
I told her I don't care about sex, but the fact that she isn't comfortable around me, and the fact that she rushed into a relationship so fast after the assault probably wasn't healthy, and I told her we should take a break so she actually has time to heal and process everything.
She said she was disappointed in me, and started being a dick to me.
So was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
iRLBNTBSGm7k7xgW2eNceXEO0tpciudd
|
b7rop8
|
{
"description": "faking being sick to get out of a concert when my friend bought my ticket",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for faking being sick to get out of a concert when my friend bought my ticket?
|
Long story short, a few months ago my friend bought me a ticket to an artist I don’t like so I could go with her to the concert. I did NOT ask her to get me the ticket, but she kind of insisted. She told me it would be an early X-mas present (this was in November) and to not worry about it, that it would be fun blah blah blah. I obliged and thought it would be fun.
Now she is asking me to pay her back for the ticket ($40) which is like.... okay? Thought it was a gift? Whatever. And there’s more! She ALSO expects me to drive the hour and a half to get to the venue (both ways), bring the “equipment” (water, snacks, weed, etc), and be the designated driver. All out of my pocket when I NEVER offered. This is all when: she has a car, weed, snacks, and so on.
Normally, I‘d be fine this if it were a concert I wanted to go to. But I hate this artist, I hate the venue, and I only loosely agreed to come so I could spend time with her (also, remember, this was a present at the time of purchase). She knew all of this when getting the tickets.
To add to the mix I am off all of my medication (for clinical reasons) and didn’t want to be around anyone, let alone crowds, in fear I’d have a breakdown or go off on someone.
With all this in question, would I be an asshole for leaving her?
PS - a lot of other people she knows are going, so no, she would not be alone.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
iHAEzlnn5Witu1KwoyUcC1sBhgRAcYWv
|
ajwhcr
|
{
"description": "wanting my girlfriend to stop looking through unsecured cameras",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for wanting my girlfriend to stop looking through unsecured cameras?
|
Throwaway, she doesn't use this subreddit but she knows my account name so I don't want to risk it. On mobile, plz don't burn me for formatting. TLDR at the bottom.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, lived together for a year. She's been great, we fight sometimes but only about small stuff like miscommunication and tone issues. But recently we got into a major argument, and it doesn't seem like either of us are budging.
About two weeks ago she let me use her laptop to play an emulator while mine was being worked on for screen repairs. I had to open up chrome to get the correct emulator and the tab she had some tabs open. Instead of closing them all out, I closed them out one by one to see if they were important to keep up, because sometimes she's in the middle of something and doesn't want the tab closed.
One of the tabs was to a camera feed of someone's backyard. I didn't know what to make of it. At first I thought it was a video she has paused, but then a person opened their backdoor and let their dog out, and I saw the time on the side of the frame read the exact same as ours. It freaked RIGHT the fuck out so I closed it. I didn't understand why she was streaming some random persons backyard. I kinda sat there for a second and tried to understand, but I couldn't come up with anything. It bothered me so much that I wanted to look at it again and see if it was just a mistake or something.
I went in her history and I saw LOADS of similar looking sites. They're all just numbers, or numbers with dashes/periods. I clicked on a few to make sure and yeah, they're all cameras into homes and into businesses and parks. Most of them were bookmarked, but I couldn't find where she had those bookmarks stored. I was very uncomfortable and I gave up looking for the emulator, instead I went and talked to my girlfriend about it.
She got very defensive and told me that she just liked people watching. She told me that she knows it's a weird thing, but that you can find the cameras just by searching on Google (not sure if that's true). She made a big deal about how it isn't illegal, but I told that I don't care that it's not illegal, I don't think it's moral to spy on people. She told me to mind my own business, and that it's her hobby, and that she'll do what she wants on her own laptop.
I know it's not my business but I have been trying to get her to stop looking through other people's cameras ever since then. I think it's fucked. We keep arguing, and she keeps saying that it's just "her thing" and that I don't have to do it, and she won't talk about it, and I shouldn't worry about what she does in her own time. But it fucks me up knowing that my girlfriend is legit spying on people. It's not just public places, it's private homes and one camera had KIDS on it. I hate that she does it but then again, she's an adult and she can do what she wants. She's not forcing it on me and I only found it because I was snooping.
Tldr: My girlfriend is spying on people through their cameras, and I really really hate that. I tried to get her to stop, but we keep fighting and she keeps getting more upset each time. Am I The Asshole for trying to make her stop doing what she's doing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fXdH2YUW8F9zEaL4ZhTd3377lNyZjik7
|
aq4o2c
|
{
"description": "scamming a pedophile out of money",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for scamming a pedophile out of money?
|
So I (17F) posted a girl on my Instagram story asking my followers if anyone knew where she got her jeans. The girl is very popular on Instagram and is over 18 but looks a few years younger. This guy swipes up on the post and says “cute young teen 😍” and I just ignore it because I’m used to seeing weirdos on Instagram preying on younger girls.
He texts again a few hours later and says he’ll pay for “me” and friends to send a video rubbing lotion on each others legs. Btw this was all on my finsta so I barely posted my face, that’s why he thought the girl was me. Anyways I ask how much just out of curiosity. I’ve heard of girls on twitter and on Instagram saying how they sell nudes and such. I even have friends who catfish nudes for money smh.
So the guy gets surprised that I even replied. He continues to say how he loves underage girls and he’d be willing to pay a lot for the video. He was offering $200-$300 which was sooo much money for me at the time. He said a lot of weird, pervy things that I don’t even want to repeat.
I figured that this dude is a creepy pedophile and deserves whatever karma he gets, aka me scamming him. So we continue talking and he’s asking me to send pictures of friends to see who he wants to pay to be in the videos. Eventually he asks where “we” live and I randomly say Orlando. Guess what? He lives there. He gets all excited and starts spamming me saying he’ll pay all the girls to meet up. Also all of the girls I sent were random popular Instagram girls who were well over 18 with baby faces and such. He thinks the girls are 14-17.
I told him that we won’t take cash first because were nervous that he’ll hurt us. He was so desperate that he barely questioned it and eventually money to my cashapp. Then, he asked if there were any more “hot underage girls”. Please don’t forget that the reason he wanted to do this so much was BECAUSE THEY WERE UNDERAGE.
Basically, he was so thirsty that he didn’t ever ask for proof that any of these girls were real. The fake girls were supposed to meet him the day after all of this. I eventually came up with an excuse and he didn’t think anything of it.
He kept asking about more girls so I kept giving him more girls and you ofc you know what he did. Every time I came up with an excuse about meeting and he believed it. One thing he would say is how he thought it would be sexy to get head from an underage girl in front of the police station. Or to get head in the high school locker room. He continued to say weird stuff like this and how he’s never been able to talk to an underage girl (thank god.)
I know it’s an asshole move lying for money but in this particular situation AITA? Like if it was a regular guy wanting of age girls then i feel like it’d be different but for him I feel like maybe he had it coming to him? Every time one of the girls couldn’t meet up he would say that’s his karma for wanting underage girls.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
zaNr6r9cP1hDDaQ72LCIOPNBf87spmOF
|
alf4ci
|
{
"description": "being very annoyed by my brothers \"OCD\" to the point that I react adversely",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being very annoyed by my brothers "OCD" to the point that I react adversely?
|
He doesn't have real OCD, he's just ultra picky about things. He calls it his "OCD" so that's why I'm using the term here. Here are some examples of when this has become an issue:
- Putting the plastic sealers over our windows. First he just asked if I washed off the trim on the window I was working on, I said of course. That one didn't bug me one bit. Then, he wasn't outright looking over my shoulder, but I could see him walking slowly past the doorway and quietly scrutinizing what I was doing. I just got it done and moved onto the windows in my own room. When doing those, there was something about the paint that made the double sided tape not want to stick, so it kept popping off. I did the best I could and mentioned it to him in passing and he immediately asked if I wiped down the trim. I said of course again, this time I know that I was audibly annoyed.
- Making food. I received a cast iron pan for Christmas from a good friend. When I showed it to him he basically started telling me all about how to use one and how to season it, all things that I already knew. I told him that I know all those things and I'll be sure to do it right. One night I was making steaks for us with it and I used the tip of my knife to flip the steak back over, he saw and immediately almost scoffed, "you're using metal in that pan?". I just told him that I'm being careful and that I knew what I was doing as politely as I could. Another one about food. He will sometimes ask me what spices I want to add to something, I pull a few things out and he basically watches the whole time. "I wouldn't use that, I think that might go better in something else, this is what I would usually use." My reaction at that point is just to tell him that he can go ahead pick the spices himself. The same thing happens with condiments or sauces.
- One example happened when I was doing dishes, he was drying things as I put them in the dish rack. He reached out and tested the temperature of the water to make sure that it was hot enough to do dishes in. He didn't say anything, I assume because it was hot enough by his standards. This one just felt almost disrespectful, it felt like he saw me as someone that wouldn't even know what a good temperature for water would be to wash dishes.
- When we moved into the house, he did basically the same thing that he did with the window sealers but with spackling instead. I'd be part of the way through doing a room, and he'd come make small talk while scrutinizing the spots that had dried. Spackling usually takes two layers, especially if the hole was a bit bigger than a usual hole. He'd see one that had dried and caved in a little bit and mention that I needed to get that one again, not in a way that was like; "hey, you probably know this already, but this one here could definitely use another coat". But rather in a really condescending way like; "You're coming back to hit this spot, right?"
Those are all the big examples. There are some other smaller things, like nearly criticizing me for smoking a bowl soon before dinner or having a beer right before bed. Or even how I organized some areas of our basement, basically where we have instruments, computers, gear for activities and such. It can just get super annoying, especially after a long day. I guess I'm not sure how to feel about this stuff; am I really doing these things in objectively wrong ways or is he just taking things too far?
TL;DR: my brother is almost constantly scrutinizing the things that I do, especially in relation to work on our house or food, in a way that feels condescending. AIAT for reacting adversely on occasion or for being annoyed by it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
YKOaKkiZ4ZxqE7SroCQ4x5iMK9Dndet8
|
b5yizk
|
{
"description": "telling my housemate to move his giant pot of food out of the shared fridge or make it take up less space",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I told my housemate to move his giant pot of food out of the shared fridge or make it take up less space?
|
For reference, we're 5 people sharing 1 fridge/freezer, and no one shares necessities like milk or eggs (much to my chagrin just for spatial economy reasons but that's a losing battle). Fridge space is at a huge premium, even despite several of us having mini-fridges to keep stuff like personal drinks or leftovers.
The newest housemate likes to cook his meals for the week, which is fine as long as we've all got the space we need, and I'm certain a week's worth of meals can fit into a small space; I've done it before. I open the fridge this morning to find a 6-quart Dutch oven full of his chili taking up a huge part of the bottom shelf.
I was pretty annoyed and muttered "*five people live here*" to myself. We already have enough problems squeezing everyone's food in, and this isn't the only thing of his in the fridge; this is in addition to the tupperwares containing his meals and his other assorted perishables.
I want to tell him that his giant-ass pot needs to be out of the fridge and the contents need to go into tupperware to be stacked etc. because we're really, really short on space, but I'm not sure if this is me overreacting. WIBTA if I talked to him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EkjDTZ8UAAxmBO9bTL5i5drKe2pxssBr
|
b80619
|
{
"description": "not assisting another passenger with her luggage",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not assisting another passenger with her luggage?
|
Two week before a flight, I was diagnosed with a herniated disc. Since then, I have been avoiding lifting anything, no matter how heavy or light it may be. I had already settled into my aisle seat (everyone else was as well), when one of the last passengers boarded. The passenger was a female, and she was being assisted by a female flight attendant. At this point, I was just chilling in my seat with my earphones in, only half aware of the situation. I notice the passenger attempt to raise her carry on luggage up to the overhead bin, only to drop it halfway. She tried again and couldn't get it up. I kinda look over (I'm in an aisle seat in the middle row, so there is another passenger in an aisle seat right next to me), he's watching and not really doing anything either. Then, the flight attendant says, "can either of you GENTLEMEN help this lady?" (I know I had my earphones in but I could hear her). I take one earphone out and stand up, and as I'm standing up the flight attendant grabs the suitcase, and easily moves it into the overhead bin, then proceeds to glare at me while she walks away. This made me feel really shitty and the entire flight I felt like I should've explained why I didn't get up earlier to help. Anyway, AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 12,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
mDxVZ4fRVz8zAXwTkZor6bjcUpH6tY4Z
|
b1a3eg
|
{
"description": "not listening to a complaint I got at work",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I didn’t listen to a complaint I got at work?
|
I work at a place that doubles as a grocery store and pizza/sandwich place. On the weekends I prep the food for when we open later in the night. Since our store is so small we have to go next door to the university kitchen and use the equipment over there.
It’s a nightmare I have to live every week for about 4 hours. It’s always crowded and loud. But what really upsets me is that there is this one guy who always takes up space (2-3 out of the 5 tables, several pots, spots on the cooling racks, etc) including mine, to get his work done. I’ve found his food in my containers several times, my pans/food/utensils moved (even on the floor), and my stoves turned off, for example.
This weekend in particular I had a lot of stuff to prep so I used more dishes than usual. However, I was also cooking faster than usual and spaced out my work so that I wasn’t using a million spaces at once. I also usually take up a quarter or half of a table that’s in “his” space, but this time I was someplace different. I would say I was in his space for a cumulative time of 5 minutes in order to use a large pot.
Tonight my supervisor takes me aside and says that the guy complained to her,saying that I was taking up too much space and that I needed to stop. She admits that another supervisor present said that I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but apparently it was enough for someone to go behind his back to come next door, instead of asking me directly for more space (at least).
I’m not really willing to slow down and cook one thing at a time to accommodate just one person (other people would ask if I was finished with one thing, and I would ask them, everything respectful) but I don’t really want to cause drama (he seems to be well known in the kitchen). WIBTA if I just continued what I was doing?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
KrBLWELA6keoNNrRwsziF2UIzG2lNICS
|
ae7r0z
|
{
"description": "forcing employer to carry workman's comp insurance",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITAH for forcing employer to carry workman's comp insurance
|
So......I work for my In-laws doing fabrication, electrical, climbing ladders, and utilizing 50' bucket truck. They decided to start the process of closing the business. They let Workman's comp insurance lapse and got a fine, I guess, and decided to pay the fine and not renew. I am still working for them for 2 more months.
&#x200B;
In discussing my concerns about this situation, I was made to feel like the asshole for forcing them to spend whatever the cost is to renew since it is only 2 more months.
&#x200B;
I really hate being put in a position where I need to even have that discussion with them. In that past I had to force them to only pay me in cash because paycheck after paycheck would bounce. It eventually ended up that I am only working 3 days with them and the other days at the place I am transitioning to when this dissolves. ( I didn't want to totally screw them since it is only my Father-In-Law working).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
YIhF9t3Eya6BYAkBGYWGa9l4TSLjlQq6
|
adcydt
|
{
"description": "defending my freinds",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for defending my freinds?
|
Me and a large group of friends were hanging out (about 15 of us and we were high school age at the time) and there was this one girl who thought she was all that. She grabbed a wash cloth and started whipping everyone like it was a high school dudes locker room. I was generally the peacekeeper of the group cause I was the oldest but she wouldn't listen. After she had spent several minutes whipping everyone and laughing the whole time I grabbed a wash cloth myself and whipped her once on the back of the thigh; it was a perfect hit that got the message across to stop. She told the chaperone of our group (who was in the bathroom during this whole thing) and I got pulled aside and talked to about it, how "you're a guy and she's a girl" and I couldn't get a word in edge wise trying to defend my actions. Am I the asshole for standing fighting fire with fire here after diplomacy failed?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
xufohwzPsALhgVN6TUGwJg5QtofD2k8E
|
b4qdge
|
{
"description": "wanting my sisters to come to both the family reunion and my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my sisters to come to both the family reunion and my wedding?
|
Background history: I’ve already been married once, this is my second. I used to be Mormon, but am now no longer. Both my sister have a lot of kids, one of them with a 1 year old.
Sisters lives near Seattle, I’m in eugene oregon. ( 6-8 hour drive, depending on traffic) The extended family plan a reunion for the end of July that just happens to be close to me, 2 hours away. Long drive for them, short for me.
My sweetheart and I get engaged and plan it for June 22. We’re not really thinking of who can come, we were just trying to think of what fits in our schedule and also not too close to the reunion.
As soon as the invites come out, my sister calls me. “Hey. We are going to come to the wedding but now we’re not going to come to the reunion, and your other sister feels the same way probably.”
I know I won’t have much time to spend with my two sisters at the wedding, plus I am a pushover so of course I say they should come to the reunion instead. But now I’m thinking I should call them and ask them to attend both.
WIBTHA if I did this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
7d51dVYJ1FRni1rhFPnGqumbeBXmkdmp
|
b8c1wr
|
{
"description": "not telling my boyfriend that he works with an ex of mine? I worry that telling him will distract him in his work",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not telling my boyfriend that he works with an ex of mine? I worry that telling him will distract him in his work.
|
Basically, my boyfriend of 3 years just started his residency as a surgeon this past summer and works in a hospital in the next town over. I had an appointment in that town last month and got to visit him at work for the first time. While waiting for my bf to come meet me at reception, I happened to see my ex (from 5+ years ago), he greeted me nicely, we exchanged small talk, and he went on his way. I didn't think much of it and went on to have lunch with my bf. I did not bring it up, thinking it's a big hospital and the chances of them actually working together may not be that big. I was wrong. About a week later, my bf sends me a pic of his surgical team posing with a young patient and my bf and my exbf were standing right next to each other (surprise, ex is a surgical nurse. I had no idea). My initial reaction was haha that's funny... and then I remembered how jealous my boyfriend can get. It doesn't happen often, but on the rare occasion he becomes the green monster, he becomes an obsessed maniac who needs constant reassuring that I've only got eyes for him. We've had discussions for literal days about how I will never leave him outside of him messing up big time. It can get tiring, but I deal with it because I love him and I empathize with him and I understand we can all get insecure sometimes. However, it does concern me how he will spend days or weeks worrying about his perceived volatility of our relationship, which led me to my dilemma. I decided not to tell him that he works directly with my ex because I was worried it would affect his performance. He is new at the hospital and I don't want to throw a wrench in an otherwise successful residency by causing him anxiety or anger whenever he has to rub elbows with the ex. I know he is an adult and he should learn to handle his insecurities in a healthy way, or at least leave them out of the OR, but I can also see how it may be difficult for him and I want to be able to protect him if I'm able.
&#x200B;
AITA for not telling him? I've considered what could happen if my ex tells him first, but my ex seems to be in a great long-term relationship (by checking on FB), so I see no reason he would bring it up to my boyfriend. They don't hang out outside of work and I can't picture a scenario where the conversation would come up while they're on the job, so I'm kinda banking on it staying a secret. IMO, not mentioning it and letting my boyfriend complete his residency without this issue distracting him is a better alternative to telling him and potentially creating a problem where there wasn't one. Am I completely off base?
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9TcPzsev1RrEO1jKUeYK2OujVs3kP0Ss
|
a8h8wq
|
{
"description": "stomping extremely loud to get my downstairs neighbors to turn their music down",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for stomping extremely loud to get my downstairs neighbors to turn their music down?
|
Throwaway because I don’t know if they have a Reddit and don’t want to risk it.
My downstairs neighbor is a DJ or something music related and is frequently playing music very loudly, with bass boosted speakers I might add. Normally, me and my girlfriend really don’t care about the noise. Live and let live, you know. However, recently my work schedule has had me sleeping during the day and working/doing things at night. I went to bed at 11am this morning, and woke up at 1pm to some abnormally loud bass boosted music from my neighbors below.
I moved to another room in my apartment to try to get away from the noise, but it was seriously loud enough to be heard and felt throughout my whole apartment. Upon realizing this, it seemed like my sleep-deprived state caused some rage to take over and I stomped as hard as I seriously could on our floor. I know this it temper-tantrum behavior, and I normally don’t do that. But I can’t explain what was different this time and caused me to be so angry. Anyways, the stomping was so loud that I’m certain all of the neighbors in our building heard it, and our downstairs neighbors heard it too because they turned the music way down.
Am I the asshole for allowing them to play music normally, not having complained about it in the past until now? I mean, they had no way of knowing I was trying to sleep, and they were playing music mid-afternoon, not at night or anything like that. I feel bad, and want to know if I could be the asshole here or if that behavior was warranted despite having not minded the music in the past.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
wcjDEGHQKbVYSJK8OFbChr30EvLV8W2z
|
aqs2nc
|
{
"description": "laughing at a disabled kids rap during my schools talent show",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For laughing at a disabled kids rap during my schools talent show?
|
So my school was doing this talent show thing yesterday and I laughed at a disabled kids rap song when he made a bar about spitting windex because his bars were so clean, I thought he was just messing around and having fun so I let out a bit of a chuckle and apparently a lot of people didn’t take that the right way. So the teacher or whoever was running it pulled me over and lectured me about me for my actions. So I don’t know am I in the wrong here? Am I an asshole? Because I’m genuinely starting to think I am.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 32,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1Zdw4GNcHBMMQtUXIuW1U3zHjSjksAK7
|
ar5dbg
|
{
"description": "saying my girlfriend will give her son anxiety",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for saying my girlfriend will give her son anxiety?
|
Some background information: my girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and a half. She has a son who is just over 2 years old. I love him like my own and hope I can replace the dad that abandoned him and his mom. We have plans for me to legally adopt him once we graduate college and get married. Basically, we share a son.
A coworker of mine is having a birthday party for his daughter who is about the same age as my girlfriends son. There will be other kids there and I thought it would be a great opportunity for him to socialize with kids his age and for everyone to meet my girlfriend and her son that I talk about constantly at work. So, I invite them earlier this week and my girlfriend said they would go.
Just now, my girlfriend said that she wouldn't be going because she has a midterm she needs to study for. I completely understand, nursing school is hard, no big deal.. until I ask if I can still take her son to the party. She says no at first because she doesn't want to give up her Saturday with him, to which I respond wtf? How are you gonna study and play with your extremely active toddler? Not to mention I would only have him for an hour and a half at the most. She gets defensive and argues that she's never met these people before. But it's not like she was gonna meet them before the party when she was already planning on going? What's the difference? It's a child's birthday party.. it's a good environment for a child. Plus, I know these people and know they're good people. I would be perfectly fine bringing him with me. Why isn't my word enough? She's let me take him to my goddaughters birthday party by myself before, so it's not that she doesn't trust me. This led to an argument that ultimately ended with me saying that he's gonna grow up with crippling anxiety if she never lets him out of her sight. Now she won't answer any of my calls or messages and I'm afraid I've crossed a line. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
5n3QuukH3SgY7w5iu6CUhae2KQySeJgy
|
ay393z
|
{
"description": "scaring a girl",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for scaring a girl?
|
First post here, apologies if I'm doing something wrong.
A few years ago, I (20m, at the time) was at a my buddy's frat house for New year's Eve. He is a friend from high school, so this party was at an unfamiliar college. There were about 150 people there. Besides my buddy, I didn't know a soul there.
I was DDing, so I hadn't been drinking. I was making a trip out to a convenience store about 10 min away for some snacks and crap. It's around 11 PM, it's dark, and people were obliterated. Chaotic party. I'm getting into my car and a drunken knot of people approach me. Turns out they also want some grub. So they basically beg me to bring one of them. I oblige. As we're driving, Im making conversation with this hammered drunk girl who turns out to be a freshman, 19 or 18. It occurs to me how lucky she is that she didn't just hop into the car with a madman or lunatic. She doesn't have a phone or her purse, her friends don't know who I am or who I know at the party. If I was a bad dude, it could have been a bad situation for her.
So about 2 minutes away from arriving back at the frat house, I decide to scare her a little bit by indicating just how stupid her actions were. I told her that getting into a car with a stranger with no way of reaching her friends while she's hammered is a bad idea. I didn't touch her, get graphic, or give her any indication that I was a bad guy or didn't intend on returning her to the party. The simple act of alerting her to the danger she could have been in was enough to scare her though. I mean, think about if you were in her position, you'd get terrified if the driver started talking to you about danger. My intention was definitely to scare her, but not scar her for life.
I know I could have waited till we were back and safe, but I wanted the lesson to stick with her.
Once we returned, she scampered off to find her friends and I returned to the party. Didn't bump into her or her friends again.
AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1PquwLoKNTJciZ57xIEQqUguQOfTq9yG
|
9xjb9z
|
{
"description": "being upset with my girlfriend for \"I have your balls in my purse\" jokes",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset with my girlfriend for “I have your balls in my purse” jokes?
|
My girlfriend and I have a super-chill relationship. Lately she’s started making jokes around my friends where she has my balls in her bag. Which, I believe, is a fine joke to make fun of gender norms etc. But it’s getting under my skin because I actually do most (all) the cleaning and I do all the cooking.
I come home from work (she only works limited weekends) and she expects me to have energy to bang whenever she wants when she wants it etc. and hang out and give foot rubs and stay up late with her and I can’t read books because she wants attention.
This joke super upsets me because it doesn’t seem fake. AITA? Should I just let it slide because we have a chill and understanding relationship otherwise?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
K9TuOpUS2YTxJf4kbmQsGjhd8I6JTTd3
|
av17yb
|
{
"description": "telling ex roommate no she cannot have the couch",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling ex roommate no she cannot have the couch?
|
A little background first. All people involved are late 20s to early 30s. Roommate D is the only male.
Roommate A (for asshole) and B lived together for 1 year before we all moved into a townhouse together. Six months in, Roommate B elopes, moves out and leaves behind a couch that her family gave her. Roommate C replaces her. Just before the year lease is up Roommate A (for asshole) gets accepted to a college and needs to move. I let Roomate A (for asshole) and RM C talk me into letting her male friend move in, RM D.
When RM A (for asshole) moves out, she flip flops about taking the couch and not. Neither of us paid for it, so she has about as much right to it as I do. She finally settled on not taking the couch, by responding to me following up with her weeks after she moved out by texting "no need for the couch, thanks for asking".
Fast forward 8 months later, I need to move out and find a replacement. I planned on asking the RM C and D if they minded if I took the couch bc neither of them ever used the living room and RM D said he had a couch in storage.
Then I get a text from RM A (for asshole) saying that now that I'll be moving she wants her couch back. The one an old roommate left behind? The one you never paid for, nobody did? The one you left behind saying you didnt need it?
I said no. The other 2 current rm's didnt care about the couch, they said as much. But I did.
Btw this is the same chick who claimed the best room, claimed the monthly reduction for her portion of the rent (when we could've used mine, the $ off would've been larger and would've benefited all of us) *tried* to claim all of the space in the kitchen except 1 tiny cabinet for RM B and I to share, *tried* to claim all the space in the large hall closet except 1 shelf, *tried* to steal my pans (her response when I told her they were mine was "well you have some red ones down there).
She and I had a lot of back and forth about the couch that got kinda ugly. ( she took it there first) She claimed that she left it behind for RM D bc she felt sorry for him. (Uh, he had one it storage, BS excuse). Lots of background story and bullshit there that would be too long for this post.
She got RM D to move it for her, who ended up actually being her EX, so the couch is gone. Which is whatever, I'll get my own couch. Just didnt want to if I didnt need to.
But am I the asshole for not just giving her the couch?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
hqTk4FRIIuA23c1KMLsDiF9nrrPAykj0
|
av0df8
|
{
"description": "stranding malicious ex with her child",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 96
}
|
AITA for stranding malicious ex with her child?
|
Six years ago I (30M now) had a relationship with this girl (29F now) for about seven months that didn't really work out. I'm not going to pin all the blame on her, but I know she was toxic and a negative influence in my life. I wasn't the best of boyfriends either, so I like to think we weren't the best match and split up somewhat amicably. I learned a little later she was pretty promiscuous during our relationship with multiple others so I felt absolved of guilt over how I may have acted during the relationship. Apparently she became pregnant near the end of our relationship but I wasn't worried as it didn't concern me (you'll see why soon). Anyways, we never kept in contact but we had each other on Facebook. Beside a post like here or there, we didn't communicate. She had her child, and went from relationship to relationship.
Last June, she apparently got into a rough spot and got in touch with me. I have my own house, am single, I (used) to manage my own business when we were together although now it's mostly passive income (other people manage it for me). She tells me the child is mine and she never told me because she wanted nothing to do with me. I \_had a vasectomy when I was 20 and confirmed after this news by having a motility count which only reconfirms things\_. I never told her, I didn't think it was necessary as we both expressed a desire at the time to not have kids now or in the future.
She said she wanted to reconnect and she wants me to be a part of her and her child's life. Take responsibility, have a wonderful family, etc. I knew off the bat it was all bullshit but I played along. We "dated" for about a month, I got to meet her kid, and she expressed interest in moving in with me. I outright told her no but she was incessant, more or less threatening support payments without actually saying it outright.
Anyways, it got to the point where I agreed she could move in with me. No paper contract. She was leaving her apartment lease as she couldn't afford it and scheduled to move in with me on September 1st. The day came and I never let her in. She called the police and I claimed to have no idea what's going on, I never agreed to this, this woman is crazy, etc. She hired a moving company, had trucks, all stonewalled. I don't know the events immediately after they all left but I know she's in a shelter now. Or was, it's all I could see before she blocked me on Facebook.
Was I the asshole for stranding her for what she did? To recap, she was a serial cheater during our relationship and tried to pin fatherhood on me when it was impossible. She wanted money/a place to live/a life of no responsibility.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 96
}
|
WRONG
|
L2CBqO6WbsDrZTmK9JbwlkaMYsAUVvmn
|
b4cdd6
|
{
"description": "expecting my friend to refuel the car after they have used it",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting my friend to refuel the car after they have used it?
|
I don't use my car that often because I take the train to work and offered it to my flatmate to use whenever he needed it. But the few times when I went to go and use my car, I noticed that the fuel gauge level was really low. The first few times, I thought he forgot and refuelled without saying anything, but eventually, I noticed that it was almost empty every time I drove it. When I asked my flatmate about it, he said that it wasn't his responsibility, even though he was driving it for two months. And that it wasn't agreed upon that he would pay for the fuel.
I thought it was common courtesy to pay for the petrol that he was using seeing as he used the car for two months. I also had a few things that I let the rest of the other flatmates use in the house as well because I wanted to be nice, and they too didn't take my side at all, which hurt. Am I the asshole for completely removing all my things in the shared property and just keeping to myself from now on? My flatmates have made it clear that they don't value or respect my things.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
yM3bdrilRn44pfJx5Dw9tG9tdW6s6qxo
|
a6v0wn
|
{
"description": "a stranger getting their items stolen",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for a stranger getting their items stolen?
|
So I was in the library one day and sat next to this group made up of 3 girls. It was the only remaining seat at the library as it was packed (due to finals week). While I was working, the 3 girls asked me to watch over their items as they would go on a break for around 5-10 minutes. I said sure and continued on working. The strange thing was that the girls would not come back for more than 30 minutes. I had to go soon and when I had left, it was around 50 minutes since they had not come back. Well, it turns out, the girls went to my school and recognized me. They told me that someone had stolen their laptops and other items and they were asking me to take responsibility for these items as I had promised them that I would watch over their items. I said no with the reasoning that you guys broke your promise of taking more than 5-10 minutes. Now I don't know if it is my fault or not and I kinda feel like a jerk right now. AITA for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 22,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
LeRMXwWNAj6HCzbq8Z5WcJCBrdasQ0H4
|
ajwghk
|
{
"description": "not eating she specialty at a \"world famous\" restaurant and just getting what sounded good? my fiancé just yelled at me for 30 minutes over it",
"pronormative_score": 47,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not eating she specialty at a “world famous” restaurant and just getting what sounded good? My fiancé just yelled at me for 30 minutes over it.
|
I’ll keep this quick but because I’m trying to avoid him I make no promises.
We are on a road trip and came up to a town with a “world famous” restaurant (on Anthony Bourdain is how we found it). It has a when you eat at “Jays diner” you have to eat the grilled oysters...you just do! Thing on the menu. To be honest I just wasn’t feeling it so I ordered my goto which is chicken tenders and French fries and a coke.
Fiancé just stared daggers at me the whole meal. When we got in the car he just started screaming that I’m a little kid, I embarrass him, that I’m immature and he thinks my diet is like a stupid kid. I just told him I didn’t feel like seafood and he said that my family raised me to be a spoiled princess and he’s sick of my shit. We are supposed to drive through the night to San Antonio and I literally hate him right now and don’t know if I can do it.
So I don’t have to talk to him...please answer...AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 46,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
uxHCOZD9nsINLeN3S1Zk1NqHkbXyCVhr
|
ahnpfh
|
{
"description": "telling my \"support teachers\" how I actually felt about them when they asked",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my "support teachers" how I actually felt about them when they asked?
|
So a bit of background info: I have Tourette's and Anxiety, am currently in the process of an assessment for autism and very likely have OCD if it's not autism.
Go to the very end if you just want want this post is asking for, but the rest makes it easier to understand why I said what I did.
My Tourette's have gotten really bad sometimes in my primary school, but that was years ago. However, I am still legally required to have a support teacher just in case my tics started getting very bad.
The person who was in charge of all the mental illness stuff was also sometimes there, who I will call Miss Wa. The problem is, they seem to sometimes treat me as though I have a learning disability... they sat near me and for a while didn't let me go out for lunch (that has since changed however which I am very thankful for)
Recently, I told my main "support teacher" who I will call Miss Wo that I was being bullied (which I am putting in air quotes because a lot of the time she makes me more stressed and anxious then I was before therefore making me do tics MORE!) and it... did not go well.
They ended up following me between lessons constantly, not letting me out of their sight and then I get into trouble if I do wander off (even though I wasn't told that would happen!).
It got worse in P.E when, in the changing room, the bully threw my blazer which had my phone in it across to me after he stole my spot where my clothes was, making the first crack my phone has ever got.
Learning from my mistakes last time, I didn't tell Miss Wo. I did, however, tell my parents. Which turned out to be a huge mistake.
My dad called Miss Wa and told her all about it... and wouldn't you guess what happened next week in P.E? They put me in the disabled toilet. Not the bully, but me.
Now, I'm a complete germaphobe, which is one of the reasons my mum wants me assessed for autism. This disabled toilet had only a toilet, and nowhere else to sit or hang my clothes. I started hyperventilating and crying (please don't judge me for this, it really, really was absolutely terrible for me) about the situation.
Miss Wo came in a few times after I couldn't change, and she just took my P.E bag away from me which I was crying into, and just took my clothes out of it and put it all on the floor.
She also said a little bit later "So if you were in the other changing room, you'd be just fine then?" And I, thinking finally I would be able to get on with the lesson, said "Yes!" but to my dismay, she responded with "So you just want your own way then?"
I was not just stressed and anxious at this point, but furious too. I literally always go by the rules and cannot handle changes to the timetable or other things like that.
After what seemed like hours, I still couldn't change and was still hyperventilating.
Finally, Miss Wo got Miss Wa to come over. She started shouting at me to stop hyperventilating, and Miss Wo said "I'm a professional, I know you can stop that" when I couldn't. She also said "You just want to be the boss"
Finally, what this post is actually about, Miss Wa said "If you had such a problem with it, why didn't you just tell Miss Wo?"
And I blurted out "Because I don't trust her to not make things worse after everything she has said and done that has made my anxiety and stress worse"
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 13,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
dyeOBXFOvcJCD00nGO9phDaaXhD2y3H5
|
9y10w3
|
{
"description": "stopping sleeping with my FWB and backing out of a threesome",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: I stopped sleeping with my FWB and backed out of a threesome
|
So I made a friend, we were pretty close. He was there for me after a bad break up and told me he literally wanted to be a distraction. So we started sleeping together and planned to have a threesome. We spent a lot of time together, went to New York and I even joined a band with him. He convinced me to start playing guitar and he had me out of the house and doing things. We were both on the same page that we were just friends, and nothing more. He is very anti-relationship and I found out he had about 12 other girls he was sleeping with. It rubbed me the wrong way, and I didn’t like the idea of being flavor of the day and risking STDs, because I have no idea who else he’s sleeping with.
Fast forward after a few months of us messing around and me being with him every weekend, I decided to tell him I didn’t want to sleep with him anymore and backed out of our planned trip to NY where we were going to have our threesome (which I was extremely obsessed with the idea of)
For multiple reasons. The ones listed, and personally I felt like I was catching feelings and I didn’t want to be put in a position where I’d get hurt. I also had a long time friend confess his feelings for me, and it had been mutual for some time so I kind of wanted to see where that might go.
So after the talk, he acted like he was ok, he hugged me and told me he cared about my feelings and that I’m a valuable friend to him. Fast forward a week later, I got a long nasty message from him telling me I was selfish for backing out of the threesome and I’m just going to get hurt time and time again from relationships and that no one will ever love me and I will be miserable. That I was weak and just like every other human being. He then proceeded to block me and I never heard back from him.
It’s been a few weeks and it’s still bothering me a lot. I truly did consider him a good friend and I feel like all the good memories we made were for nothing. I feel used.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
b866VgicadCN8khLilsaC5HUu7bbMVKI
|
anmk54
| null |
AITA BC My roommate is overly helpful and I never want anything from her, and now I’m just sick of her company?
|
Hi y’all! So just wondering if I’m an asshole for not being kind to my roommate/friend. She is CONSTANTLY apologizing about shit that isn’t in her control, and if anything bad is happening to me or someone around her, she becomes this busy body offering food and services.
She has really bad eating habits, and as a person trying to be healthy, I don’t want the fucking Mango cheesecake because im feeling sad about my day. Im always having to tell her “no thank you, im not hungry” or “no, I don’t need anything from the store”. I had to tell her today that I’ve always been open with my needs, my communication is really clear, and that if Ive ever needed anything, I’ve always told her upfront. I feel fuckin stressed when anything comes out of her mouth because she’s always trying to offer me something and I don’t want her to take care of me.
I told her to stop trying to take care of me, and to be my equal. To bring good company. And be a friend. That’s it. I don’t need to her to buy my friendship.
Now I’m wondering, am I just an asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
GJxPA6alJVqtxyiPjdeY8e3W5kh5pz5h
|
aojdl4
|
{
"description": "choosing wrong",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for choosing wrong?
|
I have a girlfriend who’s really sweet. I also have a hobby that keeps me going. Gives me something to look forward to. And it happens every Friday night right after I get off work.
I’ve been having a lot of depression lately and I was looking forward to going today. But my girlfriend is now mad because I “don’t choose her first”. I spend plenty of time with her throughout the rest of the week and even yesterday we were going to hang out but she chose her friends over me. I was perfectly fine with it. Things happen.
Am I the asshole for attending this event every week? If it was something I could move I’d gladly move it to spend time better but it’s absolutely not under my control.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
I8003mUIOh4bHTgX4M8ZfrqtIHupD5p6
|
azpg6b
|
{
"description": "for changing my personality when speaking to a transgender",
"pronormative_score": 52,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Aita for for changing my personality when speaking to a transgender?
|
So I started working in a warehouse with over 100 employees about a month ago. I pretty much talk and chitchat with everyone. This one girl was seemed more shy and reserved compared to other people. When I tried to smile at her or nod, I could never get any eye contact. I didn’t think much of it, until my co worker told me she was transgender. I thought it was a bit weird that she randomly just said that to me, but I thought it explained maybe why she was shy or quite. So next time I saw her, I wanted to try and talk to her, so I told her that I liked her pink hair (which a do). She was SO happy and her face lite up so much and she just started talking to me non stop about her hair. I was happy that I was able to “break the ice”.
Last week my husband came and got me at work, and in the parking lot I was talking to her with my husband. When she left, my husband looked at me and asked: what the heck was that?
I was confused and asked him what I did....? And he told me that he NEVER saw me talk like that to another girl. The “omg I looovvveeeeeeee your outfit ! Where in the world did you get it ?! You look so cute and adorable!!!”
I felt really bad when he told me that, cause in that moment I realized that never do I talk to other people like that. Or talk about purses and makeup and super girly stuff and that I kinda change my voice when I talk to her. I didnt even realize I did that around her or why I do it. I don’t want to seem like an a hypocrite or something. Aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 34,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 52,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OkdUycZud8XxM91IbV0dLej5XnutlSVf
|
b0tfxb
|
{
"description": "talking behind my friends back",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for talking behind my friends back?
|
A little bit of background— I’ve been in a day treatment therapy program for the last few months, and got out about a month and a half ago. Needless to say, the transition back to school was rough, and I got the feeling that my friends didn’t like me as much as they did before I left. I’ve been feeling more and more like that, but to be fair I never talked to any of them about that feeling or asked what was going on.
Cut to a few days ago. I was feeling like no one liked me, and that my friends didn’t actually want to hang out with me anymore. Lunch that day was especially hard. I have chemistry 7th period with a friend of mine who is in that same friend group. We started talking and I began complaining about certain people. She was also participating in this conversation—some of the stuff I said was only to agree with her. The next day, I had a similar conversation with her about the things I didn’t like about some of my friends. Normally, I don’t like talking behind people’s backs, but I was feeling so insecure that it made me feel better in the moment. That’s not an excuse, but thats what the situation was. In fact, I didn’t even agree with or believe most of the things that I was saying, but I said them because they made me feel better in the moment.
I had that conversation with her yesterday, and today everyone was really weird to me at lunch. I felt like something was off, but I didn’t say anything. On the bus home, I told me friend (also part of that friend group) that I felt like everyone hated me, and he replied with “yes, they do.” He told me that the friend I was complaining to had told one of the people I complained about everything that I said, without including her part in it.
Immediately, I texted that friend, apologizing for everything that I said. I explained to her that I didn’t actually mean it, and that I actually really respected her. I also explained why I said those things. She forgave me, along with another friend who I had also complained about, and they were actually really supportive, saying that if I ever needed to talk they were there.
However, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m a huge asshole. I cried most of the afternoon and barely got out of bed to babysit. I’m considering not going to school tomorrow because I don’t think I can face them. I know I’m the asshole, but to what extent? Should I feel as bad as I do? Hopefully this isn’t a SP. I’m not trying to make myself feel better, but I want to know if what I’m feeling is justified, if I have more apologies to make, and if I should go to school tomorrow.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
k5dibXlUsDG2kZfqt9uavd0UdjV2rwnD
|
akaw1b
|
{
"description": "telling my sister her music taste sucks because she made me cry",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my sister her music taste sucks because she made me cry?
|
Throwaway account.
My sister (17F) and I (19F) usually joke a lot but I feel like she should know if she crosses a line. Or maybe she wanted to see me upset. I don’t know.
I’m a lesbian and I’ve been out to my family for a while. Though, sister is the one who outed me to my parents without my OK and sometimes makes rude comments about lesbian related stuff that I own.
Now, yesterday morning she was laughing about something, and proceeded to make me listen to this one song. I didn’t even know who it was by until I looked at her screen where it said The Weeknd. I don’t really like this kind of music but proceeded to give it a chance anyway.
That was when this particularly lesbophobic verse (to me, at least) came up. It discusses attraction to girls being a phase and “fucking girls straight”. [I found the song and here are the lyrics.](https://genius.com/Gesaffelstein-and-the-weeknd-lost-in-the-fire-lyrics)
I started crying on the spot because of how awful and violent that was, and tried to explain to her how, but she didn’t seem to care as I cried. Lesbians have a history of “corrective rape” by men, conversion therapy, just being doubted in general.
I got really overwhelmed with the emotions and anger and told her that her music taste has always sucked, and she needed to find better people to listen to, morally at least. Apparently that struck a bigger nerve than I expected.
This really upset her and she went to go cry to our parents that I had basically “bullied” her. My parents got angry with me and told me to cool it, that I was overreacting, that I hurt her, that I was too sensitive. I just feel the most hurt in this situation…
I have past experiences with men who have these kinds of mindsets and I remained feeling really awful throughout the day.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fh950ufc9Vwaj9qTAoRFs5mEpYVrGIhl
|
agwodf
|
{
"description": "deleting screenshots of my little sister's Gacha Studio Story",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for deleting screenshots of my little sister's Gacha Studio Story?
|
I had this little sister who got into the trend of making Gacha Studio Stories which are extremely cringey. The screenshots appeared on my phone because we shared the Apple ID and I decided to delete those screenshots which means they didn't appear on her phone. She cried and I kinda wanna know if I'm really wrong
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
ya8Qe6HH5d1oPXGVWS4q4aT7apndWn7N
|
b15f6z
|
{
"description": "throwing someone's food out of the work freezer",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I threw someone's food out of the work freezer?
|
On mobile etc.
This fish has been sitting there for weeks. It doesn't smell, but I just checked the dates on it, an it should have been used by 9/28 of last year. It's still in it's packaging from wherever they bought it, but hasn't moved in months (apparently).
Now, the thing is, there's an ok amount of room in the freezer still. Sure, we need to stack lunches on top of each other, but it's not like the fish is taking up all of our space. If I'm honest, it's annoying me more than anything. No one's eating it, no one seems to care that it's here (except me), and I don't really think anyone should be eating it at this point, even if it has been frozen this whole time.
So WIBTA if I threw out someone's food, even if it seems like whoever it belongs to has forgotten about it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
c4SlghcFbaRcMAis0KguIWjhDLCv5wfK
|
b8224u
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed with a homeless guy",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed with a homeless guy?
|
So this happened over the weekend. My wife and I were travelling and we stopped at one of our favorite places to eat.
On our way out I was approached by a homeless individual. He asked me if I could help him as he hadn't eaten in days and likely wouldn't again if I didn't do something.
I told him that while I didn't have any cash, I'd be willing to take him inside and let him order a meal. He accepted and we went inside.
I told the lady behind the counter that I was going to be buying for the gentleman behind me. This is the part that gets dicey: he ordered a fuckton of food. His bill was considerably more than ours was for two. I didn't say anything about it. I paid, he thanked me, and we left. But I couldn't help but feel somewhat like I was being taken advantage of. At the same time, I tried to consider he may be using that order for multiple meals. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
fJS9C8chsEWNIVDrqj3tZVDdc1tUrXif
|
ae1thc
|
{
"description": "not wanting to babysit for me friend anymore",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to babysit for me friend anymore?
|
I've known my best friend, Ashley (fake name, obv), about 17 years. Her oldest son and my son are also best friends. I started a new relationship over the summer, and I also moved an hour away around the same time. Since I moved, we have been slowly growing apart.
Last March, I kept her older son for a week while she went on a cruise with her husband and his job. I provided all of his food, and I had to adjust my work schedule to accommodate having him. I didn't mind at all, I love her son like he's my own child.
In December, she asked me to keep both of her kids over a weekend for a Christmas party out of town (I also had to provide food for the whole weekend). I was told she would be home around 4/5pm that Monday. At 5:15, I hadn't heard a word so I texted her. She was running late, no big deal. Finally, she got home around 6:30. I got no thanks for keeping the kids, no apology for the delay, nothing. I was pretty irritated at this point. She didn't even offer to pay for any of the food I fed her kids.
To the current issue. Her husband's company has another trip coming up in March. It happens to fall on the same week of boyfriend's birthday, and I'll be out of the country. She assumed I was going to keep her kids this time too, but I told her no. I told her I won't be babysitting for her anymore because she takes advantage of me. Now she's pissed off and not speaking to me.
I'm getting pretty tired of it at this point. I've seen her drop plenty of friendships over the years because people won't let her take advantage of them anymore. It's exhausting. So Reddit, am I the asshole for not being willing to let her walk all over me anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
nxfQz7p4l9F9SjuHscuuyp14i3E28XmA
|
ay62ob
|
{
"description": "using roomie's aluminum foil",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
Aita for using roomie’s aluminum foil?
|
Roomie always uses my things without asking like paper plates and pasta sauce even though she has her own. It’s very weird and she never asks. I am fed up so I have started using her things and she walked in on me using her aluminum foil and seemed like she was in a mood but didn’t say anything. Aita for assuming that everything is shared because she has been acting like it is?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
cCxSxlxs0ZVJUIqR8o0HxHU1OsnbSb6g
|
b1vkga
|
{
"description": "being mad at my family",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my family?
|
**My Background**
So, about a year ago, me and my SO decided to move across the state (roughly 4 hours) to take up what we thought was a good opportunity. I had, at the time, been wanting to get into real estate as a career, and the place I moved was kind of touristy and up-and-coming. So my thoughts were that I had the chance to make some big boy money for a bit while my SO was in college. Turns out that it isn't that easy. Everyone down here is a Realtor. Fucking everyone. So no way i was going to be able to make it in general real estate. Needless to say, I had a REALLY tough time breaking into the market down here and sacrificed a good credit score and a decently paying job to try and make i down here.
**The Situation**
When we moved, the idea was that my brother and I would go in on a house to flip. We found a good deal, and snagged it. The plan was that we would get a loan to help renno the house and sell it. My parents put it on a line of credit until we could buy it from them. Welp, turns out that thanks to the tanking credit score (brothers was shit too apparently), we couldn't get a loan, even a small one for repairs. So I was stuck there, floundering, living paycheck to paycheck (basically) and spent all of the money I had saved to move on bills and helping my folks with the mortgage. Bring us to this week. I spent the early part of the week talking to some realtor buddies about potential investors into the place. nothing on the table, just talk. After all, I am finally making decent money again, so I felt like it was time to get back at the house.
Turns out that my parents and my brother went behind my back and made a deal for them to buy me out of the house. No one communicated this with me until the papers were signed. This had been going on for about a month. While I will get my equity back that I paid into the house (which i realize they are under no contract to do so, other than a verbal agreement), so that's something.
I Realize that there is nothing legally I can do. The home was always in my folk's name. But now, just as things start to improve, I am being told that I have to move out in a few months after their deal closes. This puts me in a REALLY tough spot. If i am not here when my homes close, i don't get paid for them. And a lot of my homes are going to close in June/July (I work in new construction now).
I called up the folks, who basically told me that because I don't call them enough. I laid everything out, letting them know how bad a position this puts me in and got answers tantamount to "well, you should have thought about that when you didn't call us more often."
AITA in this situation? I feel like i should be pissed about all of this, but also I feel like my family just kind of tossed me to the side on this whole thing without even thinking about giving me a choice.
TL:DR: Family cut me out of a deal on a house that we had agreed on, and then claim that it is my fault for not calling them enough.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zJIX72PSYLMtLkViqVem1iXSpKY7Ty4b
|
aljk8r
|
{
"description": "not letting my friend sell the tickets",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting my friend sell the tickets
|
So a few months back I bought 4 tickets to a concert that I knew would sell out and the tickets would then resell for a stupidly large amount. I didn't have anyone too go with so I asked my friend if he wanted to come with me and bring his girlfriend however I said to him that if he wasn't going to go to the concert that he would sell them back too me for the price he paid (£20 even though I paid £22.50) which he willingly agreed too. Back up a couple of days from now he realises that the tickets are selling for £300+ and now suddenly he claims that the tickets are his and that he is going to sell them so him and his girlfriend can go on a romantic trip together. I have told him that he agreed that he would sell them back to me if he wasn't going to come with me to the concert and he states that they are his and he wants them now then he also said that his girlfriend will be really sad if she doesn't get the tickets, which is funny because he also said just two days ago that she doesn't know about the concert and that he had bought the tickets as he was keeping them as a valentine's present. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
V70dJ4aKqvM195QMlMOiDoyKk6s8YJZn
|
axv505
|
{
"description": "notifying the tutor about rampant cheating",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for notifying the tutor about rampant cheating.
|
Ok let’s start with some context. So we’ve had this language text response task. We were given a letter and had to write a response in 60 minutes in class. Last week we drafted a text for the tutor and got it back. Our aim was to replicate this in the response today. However when the tutor failed to show up to the test, 90% of the class got their drafts out and copied word for word.
This was an issue for me, so I notified the tutor through an anonymous email.
Am I The Asshole for doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
96AOMZwxkXhCC91cwBBROcHwLh2vtOnj
|
amovvn
|
{
"description": "worrying about lack of protection",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for worrying about lack of protection?
|
I am 18, in college and I'm in a healthy relationship with my girlfriend in college too, 2 years going, but I'm worried that failure to protect properly during sex will get her pregnant and I'd have to be a father.
Her argument: She's already on birth control, and she doesn't want me to use a condom because it's not pleasurable for her. She also claims to know her own body, and says that she may even be infertile due to a condition she has. So she's pretty certain she won't become pregnant. She also says it wouldn't be an issue if I became a father at my age. She's upset about how I'm reacting, and maybe that's justifiable.
My argument: **I don't want to be a father right now.** I have enough going on as it is, and I'm just worried that one form of contraception won't be enough. My family would probably kick me out if my girlfriend happened to become pregnant, or she had an abortion. Neither of us can bear the thought of that. If she were to become pregnant anyway, I'd be tempted to run away and probably start a new life elsewhere in the UK, just to get away from the responsibility that I couldn't bear.
Am I the asshole for being fussy and not respecting my girlfriend's wishes? (Can give more information if needed)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
L2vUZfW9y3Qf7AESeCErF6NDv4Dm1cme
|
b7yabl
| null |
AITA Friend takes tip that not his, accuses me of ruining friendship.
|
My friend got me a job as a valet with his resort. We have been friends for 3 or 4 years. My friend is the bell supervisor. Today at the end of my shift my night auditor asked me if I got the tip he left for me this morning in a sealed envelope on my manager's desk. I replied "no." I went to my managers desk and did not find my envelope but found envelopes addressed to other valets. I asked my manager if she had seen my envelope and she replied "no." So I texted my bell supervisor and asked him, he replied he had taken it as a reminder to tell me about some keys that I left in a vehicle. And that he would drop it off with me tomorrow when I received the envelope it was in the Bell supervisors handwriting instead of the night auditors handwriting and had been repackaged into a different envelope then the one the night auditor had put it in. I checked this with the night auditor directly. But through the discovery process someone had already kind of leaked management into the situation so they were semi aware what was going on through a thrid party. So before I could ever bring it to management, management already called me in to talk to me about it and I filled them in on the situation.
My thought on the situation is he should have never taken anybody's envelope much less opened it to see what was inside it when it had my name on it and not his. I had to bring this up to him to find out about the tip 24-hours after it was given.
Am i just crazy or does this seem like blatant attempt at theft and being caught red-handed?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
mFO7OSiAai89FYgAP4fGc3LK5p7qxUiM
|
aw42ni
|
{
"description": "creating a group chat for just my 3 sisters (30's) and I without our parents included (we have a full family one already) because they kept omitting/ not telling us about being unwell",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: For creating a group chat for just my 3 sisters (30's) and I (24f) without our parents included (we have a full family one already) because they kept omitting/ not telling us about being unwell.
|
So this all started when I woke up with messages saying my dad had just come out of surgery and my mum was suspected of having a cancerous mass. I live across the other side of the world from my family, and my main source of contact is WhatsApp.
My sister's were as surprised as I was and in fact, we were all very upset that we had not been told about any of this happening. We were all messaging each other what little snippets we had been told, so obviously I started a group chat so we could all talk and trade information together. My sister's were all dumbfounded we had not previously done it.
Fast forward a day and I get home from work, and get a message from my mum (56F) saying that I went behind her back and she was leaving WhatsApp because of me, essentially cutting off all contact with me. One of my lovely sisters told my mum, who has a fantastic flair for the dramatic and literally feeds off tension and drama at times, and has now decided that what I did was unforgivable. I have not been able to get in contact with her, and my dad (59M) is awful with technology/ there is no way she won't see me calling so won't answer either, even though we are super close and he probably thinks my mother is over-reacting.
All my sister's support me and still believe it was necessary as we are all concerned and can never seem to get one story. But now I am isolated from my parents, all because I wanted to know that they were okay and started a non-malicious group chat about them. Am I the Asshole? Or did mum over-react and I just need to wait for it to blow over.
(Sorry that it's long)
Tl;dr: Parents lied about their health, I started a sister's group chat to talk about what we know to comfort each other and now my mother won't talk to me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SqrO4vObYNXQ59iZGwbbCQXzAJQKtybz
|
ard1de
| null |
AITA Mom tries to give my brother ky sister's ice cream that I paid for
|
So last night my sister wanted some ice cream. I wanted some too so I offered to pay for it, I gave her a 20 and she left. She came back around an hour later and gave me my ice cream and we both put ours in the freezer to save for later.
Now today, at like 2pm, my brother goes in the freezer and sees my sister's ice cream as I've already eaten mine. He starts complaining that he didn't get any ice cream
Me: Me, Mo: Mom, B: Brother, S: Sister, D: Dad
B: "Why does everyone get ice cream but I don't?"
S: starts explaining why he didn't get any, he didn't ask when we made plans to get it
Mo: "Just give it to him I'll buy you some later"
S: "No it's mine"
D: (currently playing fortnite) Just give it to him
Me: She shouldn't have to give it to him it's her's
Mo: Well I payed for it
S: No Charlie (me) payed for it
Mo: How?
S: He gave me a 20
Me: Yeah, I payed for it
Mo: Just give it to him I'll buy you some later
Me: If you just give him everything he wants all the time he'll grow up into a selfish entitled brat
Mo: Oh like you?(x3)
Me: We shouldn't have to give him things just because he wants them
S: (clearly has had enough) Fine, just eat it
After this my mom and sister leave to go somewhere, and Me, my dad and my brother (hasn't eaten the ice cream) are in the living room
D: So why didn't you want your brother to have the ice cream?
Me: Because we shouldn't just give him everything he wants, me and (sister) didn't get everything when we were his age yet he gets everything
D: But why does it matter if mom was gonna buy her another one
Me: Because he doesn't have a right to something that isn't his. I paid for it and it's (sister)'s
D: I said he has a right to it
Me: But it's not his he can't just have everything he wants
It went on for like another minute like this between us, then my dad and brother went to the store
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
gIImiPli3R8UO1coDywz6e1kVYjJl72S
|
athjhq
| null |
AITA for this train seat exchange?
|
I am a quite socially awkward guy, especially with strangers and have been dwelling on this a while now.
I was on a packed full long train journey in the UK and sat in an unreserved aisle seat. Next to me in the window seat was a woman sat in a reserved seat which wasn’t hers (I know this because it was reserved from a stop that we hadn’t yet reached).
When we reached the stop of said reserved seat, a woman got on and approached us. As she was approaching the woman next to me quickly spotted that she was about to be asked to get up and made a phone call. The woman politely asked the lady to move but she was totally blanked. This annoyed me and so I got up and offered her my seat instead, as I didn’t have a reservation and she did and I basically felt bad for her that this woman was being rude.
She initially declined my offer, but I said “it’s okay, I haven’t reserved that seat and you should sit down if you have a reservation” to which she responded “okay but only because you have made me feel weird now” in a super sarcastic, angry tone.
Did I do something wrong? I didn’t intend on forcing her to sit down, I thought i was doing the right thing.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Z1fmhSsBiJ5u9EgQdtaBSY5N7TmN6Oy7
|
a849k0
| null |
WIBTA If I, a male, asked a trans man out on a date?
|
So, there’s this person in my class named Felix who identifies as male. We’re in a vocational school so he’s adolescent age, if a bit younger than me (i’m 19, i’d wager Felix is around 18 at the youngest). Despite the fact I use the correct pronouns for him, I still find him attractive, in the same way I find women (and sometimes other men) attractive. We do get along when working together so I clearly don’t have any issues with him
The reason why I find him attractive is because while he may identify as male, he is still very feminine in anatomy and voice. I don’t object to the idea of dating a man either way and would correct people that Felix is male.
My question is, would making a move by asking him out be considered a sign of disrespect? I genuinely don’t mean any ill will to anyone transgender and always show respect to how people identify, but i’m not too sure how that would come across to him, hence why i’m posting here.
WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 32,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 34,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
qRrMUuNJXrkfwymgHZfwBevTZro88o0b
|
a1iclu
|
{
"description": "being mad at being stood up due to the guy alledgedly being in the hospital",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being mad at being stood up due to the guy alledgedly being in the hospital?
|
I met a cute guy on grindr and decided we should meet up. He is 20 and I'm 17 (and he knew that). Any way I say we should meet up the saturday at 14:00 he said sure but he would give a time nearer to saturday. D-day comes and he still hasn't sent a time and isn't reading my messages. He finally responds at night telling me he was sorry and that his parents dragged him along to another city so we wouldn't be able to meet up.
I keep my composure and say it's fine and give him a second chance (telling him it's his last). Fast forward 1 week and even though we have a time (14:00) at 23:00 the previous night I got a message. I was asleep so I got it in the morning. The message was sent by a friend on his number telling me he was in the hospital for some sort of low bloodsugar. Along with it I got a pretty fake looking picture. Needless to say I asked if he would be able to meet. He says no and I ask what now? Then I said that I don't care and he sends a message along the lines of: "If you're mad at a guy in the hospital, then lose my number." So I block him on grindr and WhatsApp and delete his number.
Now I keep thinking I should not have snapped and I'm the asshole. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
py7pfSJ1yRO594MeWHvPGTHaIRpOTlVH
|
akhqhq
|
{
"description": "not wanting an airbnb next door",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting an AirBnB next door?
|
Hi all,
So we own and live in a townhouse in a capital city in Australia. It’s a lot of multiple townhouses in a row, with them on the end and us next door. We are the only one connected to the property that the owner wants to set up as an AirBnB. We have a strata arrangement but no official body corporate. They didn’t ask for permission or let us know other than a casual conversation outside.
His tenants have been absolutely terrible over the past two years we have been living here. Domestics a couple of times a week, loud parties into insane hours of the morning, using our driveway as parking, trash outside all the time etc. We put up a sign at one point stating that it was private parking at the point the driveway becomes ours and they tore it down and parked a bunch of motorbikes there. All of this is to say that I don’t think the owner really cares about who he has staying there - both sets of tenants were shocking and he lives in another state.
I’ve seen what people can do to AirBnBs and while I’m sure most tenants are fine, I’m really worried that a rotating cast of dickheads are going to end up trashing the place or having super loud parties. We already had to put up with crappy neighbours and having a bunch of random people with no responsibility for the place in the form of a lease is freaking me out. As we are the only ones directly next door I don’t think the other neighbours are going to care much, but we have already had to deal with it for so long that I have no faith that this is going to be handled appropriately by the owner.
I don’t want to start looking into the legal side unless I have to, and I want to give it a chance, but has anyone else had experience with this? Am I being a judgy NIMBY asshole by writing it off as a disaster before anything has happened, or should I just let it happen? There are AirBnB places everywhere so maybe I’m overthinking it, but the house is so connected to this place (wall to wall over two storeys and thin fence between backyards, shared driveway etc) that anything that’s going to happen is going to directly affect our situation too. So WIBTA by doing anything about it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1qWCq36iDmM8ALhvMtmwdGqrvWL9qY3L
|
b6x75s
|
{
"description": "bringing food from a different restaurant into another restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for bringing food from a different restaurant into another restaurant?
|
Hey team,
Last night, I went to a concert with my girlfriend and her parents. After finding parking, my girlfriend and her mother went into a Panera Bread to get a meal before the show started. I ran to a gyro place next door to grab a bite to-go.
I get my food and go back to the Panera to eat with the fam. As I begin to nom, I notice my girlfriend and her mother staring aghast at me. They also keep staring at the guy wiping down tables behind me and then staring at one another.
Finally the guy goes away and I ask them again. This time they tell me that they're horrified that I'd bring food from another place in and the man behind me was the restaurant manager.
I laugh it off and say that a big city Panera Bread has more to worry about than a rogue gyro man. My girlfriend later brings up that I shouldn't have brushed off her feelings like that.
My girlfriend's dad then come in and agrees with his wife and daughter. So. AITA?
Note: I'm American and my girlfriend and her family are British. Perhaps there are some cultural differences I'm unaware of? This happened in America.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
M8dXp7Nsnw05T2gGeZ7cidKelLS1aCb4
|
avhhca
|
{
"description": "being pissed off at a classmate who is bugging me for help",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being pissed off at a classmate who is bugging me for help?
|
So this all started for me at the beginning of the current school semester. I'm in a kinesiology course that requires knowledge of high school physics and calculus, and being that I did well in those two subjects in high school, I'm cruising through the course. Meanwhile, there's a classmate of mine who is struggling a lot in the course (lets call this person anon). anon is also a co-worker at my workplace, so there's somewhat of a connection. Seeing that I was doing really well, anon asked me to help him out with some problems at the beginning of the course. I didn't really find any problems with that, so I helped anon out with some homework for the course.
&#x200B;
Fast forward to present day, and anon has asked me EVERY WEEK since the beginning of the course for help on homework and labs for this course. I've been helping anon quite a bit at this point, but at this point I feel pissed off that anon repeatedly asks me. Anon has told me that anon forgot everything from high school so that's why anon struggles, and I felt compassionate towards that. However, anon never stops asking. Recently when anon asked again for help, I wasn't feeling well physically, so I message him that I had a doctor's appointment and that I probably needed to rest for that day. Anon sees the message and proceeds to ask me when my doctor's appointment is over and whether we can message each other instead to help anon with homework.
&#x200B;
I feel bad for anon because anon is struggling in this course that is mandatory for kinesiology. Also, I feel like I should help anon because anon is kinda friendly at work. Yet, I just really want to go up to anon and tell anon to fucking stop asking me and go to the prof for office hours instead. Should I though? And AITA?
&#x200B;
tl;dr classmate / co-worker repeatedly asks me for help on homework for a course, even when I'm not feeling well and I tell him no basically. And at this point im pissed off at this person.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
9d4E9txmeBZZfR9yOmRfqZ99pWlgrMym
|
avtrzk
|
{
"description": "telling my brother's gf to take it easy with the ringing of the phone as it was annoying me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA For telling my brother's GF to take it easy with the ringing of the phone as it was annoying me?
|
So last evening my brother came home and went to use the bathroom but he left his phone in the TV room where I was chilling.
The phone started to ringing, it was on vibrate on a wooden surface, and it kept buzzing. non. stop.
This went on for a very long time while he was away. It rang, no answer, immediate redial.
I'm like dafuq?
I usually don't pick up anyone else's phone but I decided to answer anyway.
Before I could say hello she chimes "where are you?"
So I'm like, yeah, he's not available right now so can you chill with the ringing cause it's annoying me. I'll let him know you called but I'm trying to watch TV.
He finally surfaces and immediately picks up his phone and sat and started messaging her.
I said nothing.
After a while I asked if she was mad? He said I told her she was annoying. And I said you damn right!
If someone calls you and you get no answer then chill, give it a minute, maybe 10 but she kept ringing like she had her finger sitting on redial.
I wasn't gonna lecture him about it but that shit is toxic.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
zvhvH42kfxaKnc2vO0L65v9LI01HI3lT
|
a40zr2
|
{
"description": "being angry at my friend for making plans on the day we agreed to meet",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being angry at my friend for making plans on the day we agreed to meet?
|
I study abroad and go home every 4-7 months to see friends/family at home. I'm going home for christmas in 2 weeks and a few friends agreed to meet before christmas, but we couldn't get the exact date just yet, but friday was the most likely and everyone was aware of it. Now that friday was finalized one of my friends tells me that he can't come because he MIGHT be going out with a girl that day. He told me to make the plans for friday and proceeded to make plans on his own after we started planning this. He says that he told me that friday wouldn't be a 100% for him which he didn't, and now he is angry at me for wanting him to wait "3 weeks" to organise the thing and expecting him to just sit around and do nothing. The plans were made last week and we just agreed yesterday that friday is good for everyone (well apparently except for him). I understand why he would go for the girl, but when we made plans for that day way before that came up and then he just ditches us because he MIGHT meet her and then act offended when I confront him about it is beyond me. AITA in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
mHl7hDhUIQAm7AjHPMLgVeYXNWCWzijo
|
atf598
|
{
"description": "telling my gf who I live with that my days off arent for her",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for telling my gf (28) who i live with that my days off arent for her.
|
I've been living with my gf for about 5 months now. She works 6:30am - 3pm Sunday only and works from home the rest of the week. She also takes care of her two boys (7 & 4) full time. I (33) work 5 days a week 4pm - 4:30am.
I come home, shower and sleep till around 11:30am then I do a few things around the house, eat breakfast, drink my coffee, read a book and then go to work again. While she does work from home I get that it is work but it's not like she's not at home and on her own schedule. While she does watch her boys that's a responsibility she took when she had them. I know she doesn't get 24 hours of free time a day but I feel she gets enough free time.
I on the other hand feel like I get no free time. So today on one of my days off I wanted to come home drink beer and watch Dr who. Two things she doesn't care for. She then tells me you're not spending time with me. And the I proceeded to tell her "my days off aren't for you". I will admit I was annoyed because I feel I don't get free time and in the mornings I'm giving her any attention she wants and I'll sometimes be I'm a hurry to work because she wants me to run errands with her.
She goes out with her girls while I'm at work and can't bitch about because according to her "you're at work I'm not taking time from you" she gets her free time.
Am I the asshole for wanting my days off for me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
FkSpzkNknZFH7M1i9hIjNw0p9jeBWRu4
|
9tm8tq
|
{
"description": "keeping airpods I found in school",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for keeping airpods I found in school?
|
I found a pair of airpods and their charger in the hallway, so I picked them up and kept them. I couldn't immediately find who owned them after asking around, so I think I'm just going to keep them. My school has a lost and found I could turn them into, AITA for just keeping them?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
zALtNPLsQVkVRtb56G4xulAhMXFZvFwS
|
al6i43
|
{
"description": "not wanting to let my roommate back in our dorm",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to let my roommate back in our dorm?
|
Here’s some context. I’m a freshman in college, living in a first year dorm with one roommate. Let’s call her R.
A few weeks ago, R went on a trip overseas to visit her boyfriend. She told all of our friends several weeks before that she was going, but she didn’t tell me until two days before she left. (Everyone else assumed I knew since she’s my roommate, so they never thought to bring it up.)
R bought the ticket herself and as far as I know, her parents have no idea she left. R’s parents think everything is normal and she is still attending class. While she was gone, she withdrew from all of her classes. Again, R lied to us, saying that her parents forgot to pay the fee and the school kicked her out. She told our mutual friend (M) later that she withdrew herself, so I found out through M that she had lied to me. Then, R asked everyone to pack up her stuff so she wouldn’t get charged a fee.
R’s plane is landing tomorrow, and since she hasn’t told her parents anything, she can’t go home. However she doesn’t technically live in the room anymore, and she wants me to let her in the room so she can get her stuff (and she might be planning to stay here secretly, but she hasn’t contacted me except to ask me to do all of this for her).
Our RA has told us that R can come get her stuff during office hours without any problems, but her plane doesn’t land until after 10 PM.
I’m here on a scholarship and I’m afraid if I try to help R, I could lose my eligibility and then I wouldn’t be able to afford to pay for classes. I don’t want to bend any rules in case it backfires. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
H4R09jiAT50hGAm6l3VGmJNI9KFnnHv5
|
al5jaf
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be friends with someone who puts no effort into the friendship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be friends with someone who puts no effort into the friendship?
|
I'll start form the beginning. So back in 8th grade I met my current friend group. We'd all been friends before, but we never really hung out with each other a lot before. So this group consists of 4 of us, who we'll call Erin, Laura, Cassie, and me, Lillie. So I'd known Erin since kindergarten and Laura since 3rd grade, and Cassie moved to our district in 7th grade, but I never really spoke to her before because I was afraid she'd hate me (thanks to my social anxiety). So we'd all been hanging out when I started to notice something. Erin had been copying a lot of the things I do. It had happened somewhat gradually, so I didn't notice right away, but when I started carrying a purse around school, she started carrying one. When I declared my favorite color was red and wore it almost every day, she'd try and find any piece of red to wear. On the last day of school she dyed the ends of her hair purple and blue to match the way I dyed mine.
I confided in Laura about this, who said that she noticed but didn't want to say anything because she didn't want to embarrass Erin. She agreed with me that it was kinda weird and creepy, but that I should just put up with it because imitation is the best form of flattery. But being the aggressive dumbass confrontational person I am I did.
We were in gym class and we're in ninth grade now, so this had still been going on. I was laying on the floor playing on my phone when she came in and laid right next to me, pulling out her phone and laying in the exact same position. Later we were talking with another group of friends and Erin randomly says "I'd never want to live Lillie's sad life, that'd be terrible."
I was pissed so I retaliated with "if you didn't want to live my life so much you wouldn't act like me or try and dress like me."
The conversation ended there but another problem came with her. She started becoming incredibly childish and immature and generally annoying. We have a groupchat together where we facetime a lot and hang out. Cassie can normally never leave the house because she's always babysitting for her younger sisters and Laura can never get a ride anywhere so chatting on facetime was our only option if we wanted to hang out. Erin was always invited on to these calls but she almost never joined, and when she did she'd stay on there and be silent for 30 minutes an then leave. So this was over winter break and we decided we wanted to hang out. Erin wasn't on call when we decided, and we didn't invite her because she never even really talked to us. We hung out and posted on instagram that we were together and from that time we'd made a lot of inside jokes together. One day she brought it up with me and asked why she wasn't invited and I straight up told her. She seemed like she wanted to be included so I encouraged her to join the calls more often. She didn't, which I'll bring up again in a bit.
So anyways we were on call when Erin decided to join us. She sighed loudly and in a mocking tone I said "gee Erin, whats wrong," trying to be funny. She said it was nothing, so I decided to ignore her because I wasn't going to chase after her. She later left the call and 10 minutes after she left the groupchat altogether. Cassie was kinda worried because just before she left the call she was making fun of her a little bit. But I told her that if it was anybody's fault it was mine. I teased her a lot for acting the way that she did and I guess it got too far. Cassie left the call because she felt like she was going to have a panic attack so it was just me and Laura. I spilled my guts out about how I knew that she was being dramatic and that she just wanted our attention and that I still felt guilty for being so verbally abusive towards her. She said that none of this was my fault and that even if it was it wasn't by that much. She agreed that she was being dramatic but she didn't know Erin well enough to form her own opinion on why she was acting this way.
Cassie was eventually able to get through to her and figure out what was wrong. Erin said that she felt excluded from our jokes and that we made fun of her a lot and it really upset her. Cassie is morally good so she apologized of course. Laura did to but she told me that she felt like it was unnecessary to apologize because she believed that she wasn't doing anything that Erin was accusing her of. When I was talking to Laura I said that if she'd just join the damn call she'd get our jokes, and it's not our fault that she doesn't want to make the effort to be our friend.
Another issue is that Cassie doesn't seem like she wants to stop being friends with Erin. Anytime the subject comes up she tries to get us to talk about something out. One time I blew up about Erin and everything that she was doing on a group call and Cassie straight up left. Cassie is really nice and has the best morals out of all of us so I understand why she still wants to keep her around, but I honestly feel like it's so emotionally and mentally draining to deal with her shit.
tl;dr- My friend doesn't ever want to hang out with our main friend group and she gets mad when she doesn't understand the jokes that we made without her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nQIz3TpXSOYPTIfcRY1VTo2nBJRrAkUl
|
b4kvwl
|
{
"description": "asking my boss to pay for my tow fee of $290",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if i ask my boss to pay for my tow fee of $290?
|
I am a pet sitter and my boss told me to park in a resticted parking area but to leave a note that I’d be back in 30 minutes. I followed her instructions and my car was towed within the half hour I was servicing the client. I want to ask my boss if the company will pay for my tow fee, bc it is simply her fault. Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
6L0u49ZOeLqdHiVwDS86wNXH0AJ8TB7U
|
9u7nss
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friend?
|
Just to get this out of the way, I've known this guy for 5 years, I met him through my boyfriend. This guy is my boyfriend's best friend, they've known each other for around 15 years now. I'll call him D. So D met this girl G a couple of months ago while she was travelling to our city, they hung out for a few weeks and then started dating. G then moved back to where she actually lives (it's a small town in the middle of nowhere many hours from our town)he goes to visit her a few times and a month passes. D then tells us that he's decided to move to small town to live with G and then promptly packs up and leaves. Am I an asshole for being angry that he's up and left all of his good friends of many years for a girl he met not too long ago? I mean it's nice and all that he's found someone he likes and he's happy, but at the same time I'm mad that he's left us all. That was a few months ago, he's come back once, but it was for work and no nobody has really seen him... I'm really conflicted about all this because I want him to be happy, but I also want everyone to be able to spend time with him. Most of us have no money to go visit him or are too busy with work or other commitments to make such a long trip. Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
zyYj36erTqqF6zbtwNPXibXaqaxxOemE
|
avjd1n
|
{
"description": "not cleaning my friends kitchen table",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not cleaning my friends kitchen table.
|
My best friend and I always hang out at his place since I live with my parents and he doenst have a car and has his own place (It takes me 10 min to drive but it takes him 45 min by bus). Since he doens't have a console I always bring my playstation, which is a hassle with all the wires and set up and shit but he's the only friend that wants to game so I'm fine with that) and we game at his place and smoke weed. He always buys the weed since I don't smoke unless it's with him. Sometimes I stay at his place and drive him to work in the morning since I dont have a job right now but sometimes I can't sleep and I leave during the night which makes him upset because he expects me to stay there even though I can't sleep. (His words)
And he makes me pick him up from work or makes me hurry up other plans so I can pick him up from work if we have plans later during the day because he doesn't want to take the public transport.
Anyway...
So the other day we were hanging out at his place and there was a huge storm and we had just smoked a huge joint. We needed to get some dinner and he said that I should go to the store and pick up dinner while he hung up the laundry. I said sure and just wanted a ready made chicken or something simple. He wanted to cook some soup with some other stuff that would have made a lot of mess. I reluctantly agreed to go out into the storm and pick up a few things which turned into a whole shopping list (which I paid for). When I came back he hadn't even started hanging up the laundry because he was just on his phone.
Whatever...
When I get back he cooks and makes a whole mess. After dinner he goes out for a cigarette and out of hapit I start cleaning up the kitchen. After the cigarette he starts hanging up laundry. I clean the pots and pans, load up the dishwasher, clean the stove and the kitchen counter and finish before he finishes his cigarette. When I finish I go to the sofa and wait for him to finish hanging up the laundry. He then looks and me and tells me that I forgot to clean the kitchen table. Me feeling like I've done enough say "no, I'm not gonna do that, you do that, I've done everything else". We start pickering about it but I stand adamant. He gets kind of upset that I won't clean up the table and I end up doing it because the mood was getting kind of awkward. He then puts on this smile which I hate and says "thaaaaaank you".
Btw, he also made me clean up the kitchen while he watched, on my birthday...
So... Am I the asshole for not cleaning the table?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
pT9SRwhik9gHNL7mfWKFoDzySuJrXFy8
|
abg1sh
|
{
"description": "wanting to slowly cut my husband's best friend out of our lives",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 95
}
|
AITA for wanting to slowly cut my husband's best friend out of our lives?
|
Throwaway to be safe...
I would be among the first to vouch for Best Friend’s character. I'm not shy about the fact that he is an exceptionally kindhearted, giving, compassionate man. But I'm also not shy about the fact that none of those traits have stopped my disdain for him from growing.
My husband and I have been married for eleven years. He has known Best Friend for nine years. It's not like they even grew up together. They met through work, when Best Friend moved here. They're first responders. Husband and Best Friend have been inseparable since then. That's basically a literal statement. That's why I'm over it.
Husband considers Best Friend family. Like, we've actually ARGUED because I've tried to stress that though Best Friend might be *like* family, he is not. A man that wasn't even present in our lives for our wedding or our oldest daughter’s birth can't be family. Don't get me wrong, I have my own friends, but they are friends. They aren't on the same level as my sister. I don't invite them to family functions. Our kids don't have close relationships with them.
Husband and Best Friend are...too close. Before anyone says it, I am one thousand percent sure neither of them are gay. They just have a really weird enmeshed relationship. They have other friends, but none half as close as each other. Our kids (girls ages 10, 8, and 4) ADORE Best Friend. They have made crafts and drawn pictures and excitedly saved them for when he came over. They love playing with him. He's now their preferred babysitter over my sister, which the 8 year old has made known and hurt my sister deeply. He loves them as well and while part of me is glad the girls have so many adults who dote on them, it also makes me wonder what message we are sending them. My belief is family first. He's not family.
It's gone so far he even comes to holiday gatherings and Husband goes out of his way to include him. He's came to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter even year we host for probably the past five or six years. We exchange gifts (I grudgingly play along). He spoils the kids. He helps set up egg hunts, clean up, wrangle the kids, whatever. MY FAMILY ASKS IF HE'LL BE COMING IF THEY ARRIVE FIRST. My mother isn't even that fond of my husband and she just thinks Best Friend is amazing. This has always been so awkward to explain. The first year he came, or when extended relatives catch glimpses of him in pics posted to Facebook. “who's the redhead?” Well, uh, it's this guy Husband knows…
He even acts better than family honestly. I don't find it endearing, I find it unsettling. He plowed my mom and aunts driveways with the blizzard. He's helped us out numerous times with everything from home repairs to money to last minute childcare. What is he getting out of it???
The thing that has really been bothering me is Husband’s aunt’s funeral. It was a big fight for us. Husband was very close to her and wanted me to come along for moral support. The funeral was in another state. I simply could not do it. Funerals and death are overwhelming for me; I would have nonstop panic attacks. Husband was upset by this and said he couldn't do it alone. I apologized and said I couldn't help it, but I would support him as best as I could in all other ways. I thought it was done, until about three days before the funeral he came home from work and said BEST FRIEND WAS GOING WITH HIM. And he actually did! I was and still am so weirded out. What the fuck? Just two men in their thirties and three little girls? What did Husband's extended family even think? What did they say? According to husband no one even pressed about it after Husband introduced him, but I honestly don't believe that for a flat minute. I mean really, how would you react?
Best Friend is taking my place now. Being my husband's plus one is too far. Just because I couldn't go, I feel he was way out of line. It's inappropriate. I don't think that just because Best Friend has a sob story past (abusive parents and brother he's estranged from, no other family, grew up in foster homes, boo hoo) that means we should somehow be taking up the slack. There's so much more. He consumes too much of my husband's time. Don't get me wrong, he's not neglecting me or the kids. I just find it inappropriate. They work together, then end up doing something out and about once a week or so, then he's at our house. Holiday dinners, birthday parties, barbecues...always there.
I want to start separating ourselves from him. I think it's inappropriate and unhealthy for Husband to be so wrapped up in someone who, despite what he's said, is NOT his brother. I have tried being passive and slightly cold hoping he will get the hint but so far no luck. I told Husband this after yet another Christmas where Best Friend is the only non-blood related person to attend. Husband was immediately defensive and gave a hard NO. Said I was insensitive. Perhaps I could be a little more tactful, buy I'm almost ten years into this crap!! The truth is I want to slowly cut him out of the picture until he's an obscure ""relative"". They see each other at work, why isn't that enough? Just by those hours husband is close to seeing him just as much as he sees me in a week. When you throw in all the extra, it is probably more. He's changed my husband, too. Husband used to be the assertive, hotheaded type. He'd get into a fist fight if someone looked at him the wrong way. For the past several years since he and friend got really close he's left that macho stuff behind. He's much more patient and passive...just like guess who. I'm not sure what to make of it. On one hand I guess it's good, but why was it HIM that got him to change?
Am I the asshole for wanting to keep FAMILY pure and set a good example for our young children? I think I'm being reasonable. I've put up with this intrusion for long enough. They're lucky I don't demand a full and immediate ban of Best Friend at our house; I'd be fully within my rights to do so. Instead I'm trying to follow my heart with some compassion and my husband acts like I'm some blackhearted witch.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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a1t6z8
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{
"description": "wanting my mom to leave me alone during a gathering",
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AITA for wanting my mom to leave me alone during a gathering?
|
Disclaimer: This post is a copy from r/Rant I posted a few minutes agoand therefore it’s structured as a rant...nonetheless, it’s accurate and hopefully not too biased. It was also edited a little, but I thought I should ask if i’m being the bad kid here.
Start of post:
I don’t know why my mom has such a huge issue with just respecting my boundaries. A group of strangers are going to come soon, and I’d prefer to not be a significant part of it. However, my mom has a different idea.
She thinks it’s acceptable to let strangers into my room, while i’m doing something else, just to go to my bathroom. Why? Because It’s the shorter path. God forbid our guests have to walk an extra five meters to go to the living room bathroom on the other direction. She knows I don’t ever want people in my room who I do not know. I’m uncomfortable with it, I always was. We have a grand fucking living room and a massive guest room that are practically attached as one massive room, and multiple bathrooms. WHY do you need to go into my room?!
If you’re wondering why i’m so defensive of my room, no it’s not dirty and messy. There are plushies there, tons of them, and my PC setup is decorated to the brim with plushies and stickers and all over it. I don’t really want strangers going in here, it just makes me uncomfortable. Even my family seeing this makes me uncomfortable as they’re kind of judgemental about it. Additionally, I always lock my door. I absolutely cannot handle the idea that someone might enter my room at any moment, even if it’s a family member. This is why I told literally everyone multiple times to knock the door before entering my room, just give me 3 seconds brace, it’s all I need. But that never happens. I always get a mini heart attack hearing my door handle suddenly and loudly opening, only for the person on the other side to be stopped due to the door being locked. I then ask who it is and i’m usually met by silence. I go and open the door and we go from there. WHY, no really WHY can’t you knock?! All I need is a little “ *knock knock*... OP? You in there? Need ya for something “, but instead you choose to barge in, as in all of my family. The only person here who doesn’t do that is my maid and my littlest sister.
This is why entering my room is something I do not want happening. I’m that kind of person, mom should know, I was like this my entire life but she tells me it’s “Weird” and “Bad behavior” . Excuse me?! I’m not the one randomly inviting guests without warning their children, then fucking just letting them loose in their child’s room all of the sudden. SHE ACTUALLY DID THIS IN THE PAST, I FORGOT TO LOCK THE DOOR THAT DAY. I WAS JUST RELAXING, THEN DOOR SUDDENLY OPENS, STRANGERS.PNG . There were other lesser incidents where she kept knocking and saying “Come on OP! Come out now and say hi to the guests!” Even though I explicitly, multiple times, told her not to do that. I didn’t unlock the door. I just sat there in silence because I had literally no idea how to respond.
Now, I was willing to go out of my room at some point to say hi and talk a bit to the guests, but mom instead insists on me wearing our traditional clothes (Kandoorah) and for me to just sit there in silence. She actually told me “Yeah you don’t have to say anything, I just want you to sit there the entire time.”
I’m not doing that.
I wore some nicer clothes and went out to my mom. I warned her:
“Hey, if you try to force me out of my room i’ll probably just ignore you, so it’ll just be embarrassing yourself. I’ll probably come out at some point and say hi.”
Mom: Why aren’t you wearing your kandoorah?
“?...Did you hear what I just said?”
Mom: I don’t want to hear what you said.
“The information did go through though, right?”
No response as she goes into the bathroom.
It’s arguably rude to be talking to your mom like this, but i’m just so familiar with the situation. She’s gonna do something that she knows I don’t want her to do. I’m just trying to make it firm this time. So, i’ve decided. I just locked my room, and took some gadgets with me and i’m heading to camp in our outdoor shack (which is actually really cozy, I used it as a room for a while in the past). I’m good here, I have my switch, a few anime episodes downloaded, my phone, it’ll last me a few hours. If my mom tries to knock on the door for a while, i’m just not going to be there. I may or may not go inside later and say hi to the guests and talk for a bit. If mom asks me why I locked my room and left it, it’ll confirm that she tried to enter or get me out even though i’ve told her not to ever do that since the dawn of time. I’d respond with “I told you I wasn’t going to be in my room didn’t I? Before the guests came? Told you there isn’t gonna be a response, i’m not in there.”.
Even though I do sound a bit anxious socially in here, i’m really not. I just have what I think are perfectly reasonable boundaries, and I need to be ready for interaction. I’ll be able to have comebacks if my mom keeps questioning me further, without making it too awkward.
Rant over, thanks for reading.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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VIHSOAUBaZ3YuRcWswFeKEQRCrlpVa64
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aghdsa
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{
"description": "not taking my coworker home who lives less than a minute from me",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not taking my coworker home who lives less than a minute from me?
|
A woman at my job (over 30 y/o) has asked politely twice for me (16 y/o) to give her a ride home, and I've said yes both times, knowing if my mother knew shed be pissed and say no. But one day I told her I will not take her home anymore. A week or so later she nearly begged for me to take her because she has to walk, in the dark around like 11 PM, when we close the store. I told her no. And she hasn't been the same at work to me, attitude wise.
Am I the asshole? I'm perfectly capable of defending myself from her if that was a factor at all, and I'm a dude if that is a factor as well. We live off the same street, and it's about a 5 minute drive but a 30-45 minute walk
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ElJ9FYUlLGcMkTmYDUqoVG3FTITZjXIn
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aluk6y
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{
"description": "buying my homeless brother a one way bus ticket to Florida instead of taking him into my home (Chicago area). it was my full intention to get rid of him",
"pronormative_score": 595,
"contranormative_score": 125
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|
AITA for buying my homeless brother a one way bus ticket to Florida instead of taking him into my home (Chicago area). It was my full intention to get rid of him.
|
Hello r/aita. Throwaway for what I hope are obvious reasons.
This post is the product of years of family drama that basically all center around my brother. He was raised as the true "golden child" of the family, much to the detriment of my and my sister. We were a very upper middle class family and my brother was the center of the "wrong crowd" and his life is in absolute shambles. He is 24 now and if I had to guess, my parents have spent $500,000 on various colleges, rehab programs and facilities, actor's workshops, investment schemes and on and on. It could be a little less, it could be a lot more. The heartbreak of seeing my brother fail time after time had to be a major factor in my dad having a heart attack and dying at 63 four years ago.
My brother showed back up in Chicago area last summer with a sob story about why he failed out of the last rehab my mom had paid for but this time he claimed he was "voluntary" homeless. My mom couldn't handle this so without checking with my or my sister, mom concocted this plan that the three of our households would "take turns" hosting my brother so he wouldn't have to be on the streets (my mom's new boyfriend, who is a decent guy, can't stand my brother and probably put his foot down to taking brother on full time). So when I was told about this and when my "turn" first came around I told my brother that in no uncertain terms that he could stay, but he had to come to work at my company, I had to be with him at all times and he had to pay his room and board through helping me with fix up our house. He wanted no part of that and has chosen to be homeless during every two week period that he was supposed to come stay with me. I have not seen him since and since I know my mom and sister have not put a hard line on him, I know he is still using.
Well as the national news will tell you, we are in a massive deep freeze and of course this coincides with my two weeks to keep him. He showed up at my house on Friday night when we started hearing just how cold it was supposed to get. I told him that he had four choices, he could avail himself of the services that the city was putting together and remain homeless, he could go back with my mom or sister, he could take me up on my offer to work and help around the house OR I would buy him a bus ticket to Florida to get out of the cold.
Well I don't think he caught the meaning of a one way bus ticket because what I know he thought was happening is that I was giving him a ticket to go party on the beach until the cold passed and then I would provide for him to come home. When I dropped him off at the bus station earlier in the week he point blank asked me "when and how will you send the return ticket?" I told him there was no return ticket, take what I was giving him or stay in the cold. He proceeded then to unleash an angry cursed filled rant accusing me of every family sin under the sun until I kicked him out of my car. I know he got on the bus, beyond that I have no idea what happened to him and I care even less.
My mom is outraged at me, to the point where she is talking about suing me for "great bodily harm" (whatever that is supposed to mean), cutting me out of her will and estate and even telling my wife she'll introduce her to divorce attorneys. My sister has quietly thanked me because she wasn't sure how she was going to break it to my mom that she wasn't taking my brother in anymore because her fiancé was sick of him.
So from the view of my mom, I am not only an asshole, I have apparently put my brother's life in danger.
From my view and my sister's view we I have washed our hand's of a long standing problem, at least for a little while.
So, am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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KdUx1XQV6uVk1mEXKT0Wh3PekQwf9yLb
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aymfa2
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{
"description": "choosing hoe before bro",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for choosing hoe before bro?
|
My friend and I were at a small kickback (maybe about 15 people or fewer there total). The kickback was hosted by a girl I had a crush on and had been talking to. Let's call my friend Emily and let's call the host Natalie. Emily knew pretty much everyone at the kickback (she also knew Natalie and was probably closer to Natalie than I was at that point), but I only knew a handful of the people there.
&#x200B;
Throughout the kickback, I was talking to a bunch of people (including Natalie) since I get social when I'm buzzed. I talked to Emily throughout the kickback too. Later on, I noticed Emily sitting alone and I was sitting on the other side of the room. I looked at her, we made eye contact and I made a gesture to ask if she was feeling okay. She nodded, so I assumed she was fine--I also didn't really see her drinking much during the kickback.
&#x200B;
A while later, Emily gets a phone call and leaves the house (I was sitting next to Natalie when this happened). Emily left and some of her friends followed after her so I didn't make an attempt to follow her as well. The people who followed her came back a couple minutes later and I asked them what happned. They told me that Emily got a call from her ex (Emily and her ex recently broke up but were trying to stay friends. They weren't on bad terms but there was still that weird kind of tension that's there when couples break up). I didn't see this as a big deal and Emily didn't appear drunk or anything, so I just assumed she wanted privacy when taking a phone call from her ex.
&#x200B;
The next day, she's acting a bit weird and distant so I ask her what was wrong. At first she was dodging it but eventually started the conversation by saying, "Wow, you really are a 'hoes before bros' type of person." I was confused and asked her what she meant. She said that I'd rather flirt with Natalie all night than see if she (Emily) is okay. I got even more confused and told her that I wasn't flirting with Natalie all night--there were times where I was doing that, but I talked to a whole bunch of other people that night. Emily said that I didn't care about her when she left the house--I explained that it was because I saw people going after her and I didn't think she was drunk anyway. She then told me she was tipsy, so I asked her if she did anything dangerous when she left the house. To this, she responded that she just walked around the neighborhood. I got frustrated and told her that I didn't understand what she wanted from me--she willingly left the house and although she wasn't completely sober, she wasn't drunk enough to not know what she was doing. I didn't follow her because people already did and they came back saying she was on the phone with her ex, so I gave her some privacy. She made me feel like I chose some girl over our friendship, but I think she was overreacting a bit. We didn't make up after the fight and just basically said that we both expect different things from a friendship.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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hb8pgwX4enLQhdlpSwcZXkw30yUhvX72
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auq10h
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{
"description": "getting mad that my boyfriend tries to control what I can eat",
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}
|
AITA for getting mad that my boyfriend tries to control what I can eat
|
I am 19 (F) and I have dealt with an eating disorder for about 7 years now, it's gotten much better and while I don't consider myself recovered I am a healthy weight now, still slightly on the thinner side. I feel this is important to mention because Im very sensitive to comments on what I'm eating or comments on my appearance. To get to the point though, any time I go to grab something to eat my boyfriend always has something to say about it. I'll admit my eating habits arent the best but I hate the constant anxiety of trying to eat now because I know hell always have to chime in. He'll say things like "I just want you to be healthier", "why don't you have this or that instead", or give me a disappointed look if I grab something he doesn't approve of. It's so frustrating and it feels more controlling than genuine care about my health. He's not encouraging me in the slightest and is just making me resent him and want to eat what I choose for myself even more. I haven't asked for his help and now I can't eat anything without feeling ashamed or having to check if it's okay with him first and have to sneak behind his back to eat what I want to eat. We've gotten in some fights about this and he always think I'm the one being ungrateful and over dramatic. Please help me.. Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9zgoxz
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{
"description": "not wanting to open up and talk to my friend when I'm going through a depression",
"pronormative_score": 0,
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}
|
AITA For not wanting to open up and talk to my friend when I’m going through a depression?
|
I broke up with a girl that I really liked a month ago. My long distance friend (she moved away) is someone who I had constant communication with for a long time.
At some points I think she developed feelings for me. But I never reciprocated or she never spoke up about them.
We speak mostly on Snapchat now. To get over my past relationship I deleted everything, Snapchat, instagram, Facebook, Twitter etc.. every several days or so I re download Snapchat (in hopes my ex will message me) but I then respond to the messages I get.
I literally hate going on my phone now. Recently she noticed how short I’ve been. She thinks I’m cutting her out of my life because I had some other big stuff go on(like big interviews, new hobbies, something I would of told her if I wasn’t going through this depression) and I never even told her.
She keeps asking the “do you not like me anymore”... “do you just want me to stop talking to you”... type texts. And I just tell her I hate going on my fucking phone and I’d rather distract myself with other things. I told her I have no obligation to text her. It’s my life, I’m going through some shit that I’m trying to deal with. You’re not my girlfriend.
That was a day a go. I know she’s responded but I’m not gonna open it for a few days. It’s not that I don’t like her or don’t wish the best for her. It’s just I don’t really feel like talking to anyone about anything.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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aufxzv
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{
"description": "being making my bf feel like he has to change to make our relationship work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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|
AITA for being making my bf(22M) feel like he has to change to make our relationship work?
|
Throwaway because my bf is on Reddit literally 24/7.
Our relationship has been relatively smooth. Every month we’d have big arguments that stems from something smaller. Usually it ends it him saying he’ll try to be better.
This time, it was because I was ghosted by a client and can’t get enough money to buy plane tickets back to London. He kept offering alternatives and I can’t deal with it now. I told him to leave me alone if he can’t be with me some other way. He said he’ll leave me alone. Later I told him that I think I want to break up with him since I don’t feel like he’s someone who will stick by me through tough times. He said if he had known that it’s gonna be such a big deal, he would have reacted appropriately in the beginning. It hurt me even more because to me, it felt like he’s saying that what I feel doesn’t matter until it’s “serious”.
To be clear, I’ve told him that he should only change a behaviour if it’s severely impacting his life and to never change for me. He promised to change after most arguments we have not only for me but he sees a problem in them. Previous problems include heavy drinking and not being with me when I’m having episodes. This time, he apologised about not taking my issues seriously, and that he would like to work it out with me. I’m not sure now because difference in personalities and experiences, and that there won’t be much to work on because our issues are from a difference of personalities. I also feel like an asshole for pushing him so fast so far beyond what he’s used to and making it seem like he has to change to make our relationship work. So AITA? Should I stop this cycle and just break up with him?
I’ve asked him and he says he doesn’t have any issues with me. He’s a pretty chill guy so maybe he just have low standards.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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3gi4ASMU4CbSTt4gISBbSRndIy0dznmi
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b4mmfb
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{
"description": "not wanting to play softball",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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|
AITA for not wanting to play softball?
|
i’m already doing the school musical which takes up 3 days of a week. each practice takes 3 hours then i have to do homework, and i have a sexuality club on fridays. for a person that did nothing for a while, this already feels like a lot to me.
i used to play softball last year, but i got tired of going and said i didn’t want to do it this year. (i said this in september) my dad said “we’ll see about it”. then i got into the musical and then that took up the days that softball games would be. my dad didn’t like this. so he talked to the head of the organization (for my town) and he realized that two other people (also in the musical) were having the same problem. so he talked to the head of a different town and they also have kids who can’t do softball because of stuff they have, so they made a team for us so we could play. this means i would be busy 5 days a week with practice on sunday, and i would have to skip my sexuality club, the club that helps my mental health because we can rant about anything, and i didn’t want to do this because that’s too much + homework so i have no time to myself.
AITA? can anyone help me explain why i don’t want to do this to my dad?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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XdNEqYE4FRFP7yfQULQmXY6PGyGaRxzb
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b3tahw
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{
"description": "being 'rich' but my boyfriend isn't, paying for things",
"pronormative_score": 10,
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}
|
AITA: I am 'rich' but my boyfriend isn't, do I pay for things?
|
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years now, we had a few little breaks and ups and downs but we've never cheated on each other, and so far he is my first and only. He is loyal and doesn't lie and has been there since the beginning. We both started out poor, but now I have $20,000 saved up in my bank and he still struggles to survive (we don't live together or share bills). When we got together when I was 15 (he was 19) from poor backgrounds and dreamed about getting rich and spending our lives together. He didn't work for that time period because of a disability but also because he's somewhat lazy, he used to try a lot in the beginning to get jobs but nothing ever came from them so he just stopped with time and stayed on welfare.
Right now I'm 20 and he's 24. I'm in my second year of med school and have had a lot of well paid experience, scholarships and bursaries that I've saved money (as I still live with parents) and I will finish school with an excess of $20,000 in my bank, While I wouldn't call this 'rich' as he does it is still a nice financial position to be in. Meanwhile he tried to get back into education for a few years and failed, but last year it seemed like he had his shit together and got top marks and was admitted into college too on an Architecture BS.
As far as his personality goes he's pretty mature so now he just focuses on his work, but as far as his finances go he's still struggling to survive from bill to bill. He wastes a lot of money on ordering food and cigarettes, while I live a very modest life trying not to spend anything; although, he does still spend what spare money he has on me for presents and gestures but again I tell him that's a waste of money and he shouldn't do that.
So, when we go out for meals or we do activities together he says I should pay, that we should be a team and help each other out financially, essentially he says MY money should be 'our' money. He says this because we were poor together, and over time the dynamic changed slightly as I acquired more money and he did not. He wants us to act as a married couple and we DO plan to get married at some point in the future, but I don't think that justifies sharing my money with him right now.
I know the career path he's taking means he'll have a good income in the future, and at that point we may possibly share our income to pay the bills of the household, and I even mean to become a housewife at some point and live off of his wage while looking after our future children. I have never paid for one of his meals and we can't go on vacation together because he can never afford it, but I don't think I should pay his half of vacations we mean to spend together, or meals, or anything else just because I have money. I don't think it's reasonable that my money should be 'our' money, until we are on an equal footing financially.
&#x200B;
AITA here for not helping him out or paying for things, should MY money be 'our' money?
Thanks
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
b8JCF0hTRkfdKGek4JBCokxTOjvL4NAx
|
awwa0a
|
{
"description": "refusing to go out with my co-workers",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I refuse to go out with my co-workers (which i also consider my friends)?
|
So I (29F) have been working for almost 2 years for my current company. I've befriended some of my co-workers, and I hold them dear. We get along good, sometimes i get made fun of, but i don't see that as a big deal since in my country this is a big part of the culture and I don't really mind. They're unconditional and are always there when support is needed.
I am, extravagant, If I could say so, and when we started getting along they asked my why I was so weird, to which I responded with the truth: I am a highly functioning autistic person (Asperger's). I do have fixed interests and do not understand body languages amongst other things, but I have tried all my life to not let that stop me from being as normal as I can. But one thing I can't stop doing is to talk a lot (A LOT) about physics and entropy and astrophysics, and they bear with me. And I bear with them in those topics that do not interest me, although sometimes I just drift away and unintentionally ignore them but they also bear with that.
The problem was a few days ago, that I learned (by accident) that my boss, which resides in another country, will be visiting us next week. They hadn't told me he was coming because I also hold him dearly (he's helped and supported all of the team through tough times) and I tend to talk a lot about him. So they just said: that's the reason we didn't tell you, you'd just never stop talking about it. Just go on and keep talking about those other things we don't care about (physics and the other stuff). I know they probably didn't mean it to hurt. I just laughed along because everyone bursted laughing. But deep inside this made some sort of impact.
Because of this I am upset, but I don't know if I am overreacting or making a drama where there shouldn't be one. Tomorrow we were supposed to have a barbeque but I honestly don't want to be there. Am I overreacting? Should I just shake it off and go on?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
NOuR4pjETlC3fXoWnyRg1yomP42I5x3s
|
awoyds
|
{
"description": "\"letting\" my parents fund my alcoholism",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for “letting” my parents fund my alcoholism?
|
It’s gotten bad. Like, /really/ bad.
I know I’m an alcoholic, my parents also know, and are as well.
My dad brings me a box of wine (20 glasses worth) home every three days. Says nothing about it, until he’s five beers and three shots of whiskey (he’s a big guy) into the night. He tells me he doesn’t want to see me end up like him, but knows I need to maintenance drink, hence him buying me boxes of wine.
I’ve asked him, and my mom, to stop buying me so much alcohol. All I got in response was a shrug, a nod, and no change. I’m a creature of habit; if they keep buying me booze, I’m gonna keep drinking it.
I know I need to change, but I don’t want to. Am I an asshole for taking advantage of what’s basically a free wine subscription?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
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