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pjnUgw7c5miC972lRJmp4aGgTnaMvPuo
|
b0hpip
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{
"description": "being pissed that my bf wants to have sex with someone else",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed that my bf wants to have sex with someone else?
|
This is a complicated story to explain, and it sure I’ll get a lot of judgmental folk, so I’ll do my best.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and during the first part of our relationship I was really into cuckquean fantasies and told him I thought it would be hot if he had sex with someone else. He got really mad about it and told me he never would, blah blah blah...after a couple of months of asking I gave up and the topic was never really brought up again. I have had a lot of issues with my mental health, depression and lack of self worth which I suspect led to these kinda fantasies. However, after a long hard year of learning to respect&lovemyself more and value my relationship with my partner, I eventually stopped having those fantasies and could never dream about letting someone else have him (although this was never really discussed with my partner, the topic was just dropped)
Anyway, fast forward to yesterday and my boyfriend is talking dirty to me and out of nowhere says he’s been “considering that fetish of mine”, that there’s some girl he’s extremely attracted to and would love to fuck. Basically felt my heart drop after, was absolutely heart broken and told him I needed space. He’s upset with me and is saying that it’s not fair for me to be upset when I’m the one who said I wanted it in the first place. (Last time I asked was well over a year ago)
So, looking for a third opinion here...AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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NOBODY
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{
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"WRONG": 1
}
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "not covering someones shift unless they covered one of mine first",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for not covering someones shift unless they covered one of mine first?
|
When it comes to covering shifts at my old fast food workplace I wasn't the best because I worked a lot of hours already and made enough money to be satisfied however the unspoken rule was if you don't cover someones shift they won't cover your shift ever. Well as long as you ask for the day(s) off two weeks ahead of time you didn't have to get someone to cover you. I was always really good about putting in the days I needed off ahead of time. So I rarely need someone to cover me. however a couple times a few surprise things would pop up and I needed a cover it was a little hard but never too difficult. If they cover me I would cover a shift of the same hours at some point so if they asked me to cover a 5 hour shift and they only covered my three hour shift I would refuse. My coworkers started to get angry at me because whenever they asked I would tell them that since they haven't covered a shift of mine before so I am not gonna cover them. So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
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{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
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|
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|
{
"description": "expecting money as repayment for child abuse",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for expecting money as repayment for child abuse?
|
Long story short, my father physically abused me for 4-5 years and my mom knew about it the whole time. He’s unreasonable and I don’t care to pursue a relationship with him now (I’m currently 22 and living on my own). My mom, on the other hand, has always wanted a relationship with her only daughter and I of course want a relationship with my mom but its been hard to move past this. She denied and still continues to deny her responsibility in allowing the abuse to happen, but as soon as I press her on it she flips everything around and says things like “of course I feel bad about what happened, how could you think I don’t?” Needless to say, its frustrating trying to get my emotional needs met from her so I’ve given up on getting that. However, I still feel like I am owed for what I had to go through, so I’ve been asking her for money whenever I need it and she complains about it but she always gives it to me (only for rent and bills, nothing frivolous). AITA for taking it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
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|
OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 3,
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
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|
{
"description": "making a hypothetical scenario about racism",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for making a hypothetical scenario about racism?
|
Am I an asshole for making a racust inference?
I am on a WhatsApp group and my friend (X) was being picked on by five people. A few days later I was talking to a friend who is friends with the five guys who were picking on X and she said that the way that X reacted to the five guys was wrong, however I said that the five guys should have never treated X like this (The 5 guys had been making fun of X by making fun of his looks).
She then said X should have just left the chat whereas I argued that X should not have been treated that way - however she kept going on about how she should have left, so I said what if five people called you a slave? How would you react? (An oversight on my half was that she was black)
Keep it in mind that I was using this as an example of why X got mad about people making nasty comments about them.
The friend I said this to got really angry, howeveri never meant any offence to her
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
a6xsgy
|
{
"description": "ignoring my childhood friend because he's been dishonest with me too many times",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ignoring my childhood Friend because he’s been dishonest with me too many times
|
AITA
I am a guy and We had been bros for more than 5 years(went to the same high school) and we literally knew everything about each other until I cut him off. I am not a big fan of his gf(Long time gf) because she just wants attention all the time and I don’t really give mine. So we don’t really get along too well. Though I know a few friends of her, I don’t really like them because of the same reason.
So because of this, my Friend started lying to me about not hanging out with me, which I understand. However, I feel he should’ve been more honest and upfront with me instead of giving silly reasons which you can figure out to be not true. I’ve noticed this many times as he lies often and I’ve been in the receiving end before. This is not the first time but just a trigger.
So I decided to give the same silly reason when he wanted to hang out with me ( childish, I know) and finally cut him off. So now his gf and his friends doesn’t talk to me either( not that I care) but I really feel I’m way happier.
AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
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|
{
"description": "getting angry at my friends for playing volleyball incorrectly",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my friends for playing volleyball incorrectly?
|
Okay, I know I sound like a huge asshole by the title, but hear me out.
​
I am still in school, and with applications for high schools rolling around, plus competitions, I get a bunch of stress. The way I prepare for competitions and for the application and test for high school put me in such a way that the only way I can have fun is with my friends, in real life, (no gaming). Recess is basically the only time I can try and have some fun, and out school puts up volleyball nets.
Me, a friend I'll call N, and two or three girls try to play seriously, with spikes, serves, blocks, all the good stuff. (Most people in our grade cannot spike, serve, etc. so trying to play with them doesn't work, the ball hits the ground every 10 seconds, so there's no real game.) However, several of my friends don't play correctly, kicking and punching the ball, staying in the center when they can't do a forearm pass or a set, trying to spike without jumping and having their hands 6 inches below the net. Obviously, this ruins the game, sending the ball everywhere, and makes it no fun for anyone.
AITA for getting mad when they ruin a game where people are genuinely trying to play. They know that what they do ruins the game, they just don't care.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
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|
{
"description": "not helping my depressed friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping my depressed friend
|
I have this friend, Kate. She's very introverted(largely due to social anxiety) and I'm pretty sure I'm her closest friend. Unfortunately like two months ago she became depressed, I'm trying to help her but honestly it's too much for me. I've been depressed myself and I'm working with my therapist for two years now, though I'm not sure I can define my situation as "stable". I think maybe that's part of the reason Kate confides in me.
I just don't feel up to helping her all the time, I'm barely getting by myself and this is a lot. At the same time I understand how shitty her situation is and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one she confides in. At my urging she's seeing a therapist but that's new and she still needs my support. Today I felt bad and didn't go to work, I also missed my therapist appointment. When she msged me saying she's feeling down and anxious I didn't reply for hours.
So, reddit, am I the asshole for not supporting Kate (who I think confides only in me) with her depression?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
arcy2h
|
{
"description": "saying to my work colleague she looks older than what she claims",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for saying to my work colleague she looks older than what she claims
|
The offices are open offices. The spot where I am installed is kinda a blind spot. I have my back facing the rest of my team as such as if someone comes into our workspace, it is difficult for me to see him coming unless I am leaning back on the chair.
We were discussing together. Someone brought the subject of age, as the conversation evolved we started talking about how some people look younger and how some look older. Me, being the stupid person I am, gave the example of a colleague of mine. I said, "Look at X, she says she's 20 something but she looks at least 3 years older". Suddenly, everyone stopped talking. I move my face of the screen and there she is next to me crouched next to my colleague, looking at me. It was like someone dropped cold water on me. I apologized but it hurt me so much when she said: "It's okay, I know it".
The girl is stunning. She's really beautiful (way above average, tall and attractive) but she still look a bit older than her age.
I am not someone who mocks others (certainly not a bully), on the contrary. Even when I said what I said, I didn't mean it in a bad way. I said it like it's a fact (you know objectively without emotions) and certainly not like I was judging her looks.
I feel such an asshole. I am honestly a very unattractive man. Short and ugly, top that with the fact that I'm old (29). She's in her early 20ies. I could've talked about myself. I definitely look like a 39 year old but NOOOOOOOOOOO I had to give an example of someone else.
She acted professionally. I mean she could've easily roasted me in front of everybody.
I just feel like I am a bad person. I gave the impression that I am a bad person. And now that I look at it, I think I am a bad person.
Now I feel that I am as much ugly on the inside as I am on the outside.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
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|
aayctm
|
{
"description": "not going to an event with my family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going to an event with my family?
|
I’m on vacation and the entire time I’ve been pretty exhausted. My sleep clock hasn’t adjusted properly so I see myself collapsing at around one pm and waking up at around eight and staying up all night.
Yesterday was pretty harsh for me as we had a tour showing us Christmas markets. We had to walk everywhere and near the end I was getting pretty cold, tired, uncomfortable, etc. My mother didn’t take notice until the end and said that the next day (today) that I could stay back at the hotel to rest instead of coming with them to a black light show.
Today I’m feeling pretty tired so I decided to tell her that I planned on staying. She and my brother (who always chips in whenever he sees her getting angry at me) started saying stuff about how “I wasn’t really tired and only wanted to go on my phone” and how I’m really selfish and rude for not going to this, how I’m going to “regret things in life if I don’t go to this”, when just earlier today my mother was saying to me about how I’m much more well behaved than my brother (who on the same day accidentally converted 1000 dollars into Czech money and then shifted the blame on my mother by saying “you shouldn’t have let me done it for you). I’m feeling really bad for staying in the hotel with the dog because I’m tired of today. So, ATIA? Are her actions justified? Or am I wrong and should’ve went with her
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
9zseyu
|
{
"description": "ignoring Father in Law",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ignoring Father In Law?
|
FIL is a non convicted pervert, the victim is in the family, and forgave him and everyone excepts him even though they know what he did. (I do not know details of the crime).
I am a survivor of sexual crimes(no one knows) I have 2 boys and I was already married into the family when I figured the "secret" out.
I recently got fed up with FIL and decided I don't need to pretend to like or love him. I don't want him touching or hugging me and I have no wish to speak to him at all. For several months he got the hint and stayed away. Now he is trying to start conversations with me, and is using passive aggressive comments to irritate me. I feel like he is trying to make me look like the bad guy when really I just want nothing to do with him. Im ok that the victim forgave him, bug it still doesnt change what he did, therefore i just want him to leave me alone. He keeps talking about forgiveness and how important it is when I'm around. So far I haven't acknowledged his comments but I still feel like I'm being painted to be the asshole. I afraid if i slip and react one day, then i will be the ass. Am I? Is me not being on speaking terms with him really that horrible? Am I being unreasonable?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b54rvi
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friends who laughed at someone crying",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friends who laughed at someone crying?
|
We are all in college. A good amount of my friend group has never tried marijuana before, so some of them had the great idea of doing edibles for the first time. One of my friends who I will call Joe, took an edible and didn't feel anything for the first hour. He kept complaining to me that he's pissed that he is not feeling anything for his first time. I tell him that it is normal and that he shouldn't take any more since we don't know if it hasn't kicked in yet. I leave the room and when I come back he and a few others decided to take more. (you all know where this is going) After a while, Joe begins to cry while looking at pizza rolls on his phone.
​
Everyone (around 10 more people) is looking at him and laughing. He then stands up watching everyone while balling crying. Tear by tear is running down his face. He goes to another room and sits crying alone. Two other guys, Jack and Jim, follow to help him. I tell them that it's better for him to be alone. They go and assist. I hear Joe say "They are all cameras looking at me" which is an indication that he is extremely paranoid. Jack comes back to me and talks about how funny it is to see Joe in that state. I tell him that he is an asshole and that he shouldn't be laughing at the way he is feeling. Joe was likely extremely paranoid and possibly having a panic attack. Yet, Jack thinks that it is ok to think that the situation Joe was in, was in fact, funny. Jack thinks I'm an asshole for yelling at him and some others for not taking Joe's crying seriously.
​
tl:dr: one of my friends got too high and started crying. people laughed at him. I got pissed that people laughed at someone crying. Now I am considered the asshole for yelling at people.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
ambgzr
|
{
"description": "rejecting a intellectually disabled person",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Rejecting a Intellectually Disabled Person?
|
(Please tell me if i'm doing something wrong - I am new to Reddit and i'm also on mobile, so formatting may be weird)
So, a couple of years ago, I was attending this summercamp. I was about 11-12 years old.
Anyways, the first day of summercamp, I arrived and everything seemed normal. One thing that didn't seem right was this one kid, who held the door open, but always stared at me as I walked past with my friend.
Near the end of the day, he moved to sit next to me during an activity, and I was a bit uncomfortable. He had been giving me weird looks all day, and trying to get close to me.
He then asks me to be his girlfriend (I have never spoken to him before this, besides "thank you") and I sorta freak out. We were in a public place, with other kids around. I explain to him, as calmly as I could, that I wasn't ready for a relationship. (Please note, he didn't know my name. I didn't know his either)
Although he seemed a bit upset, he said ok, and that he wouldn't ask again.
That was a lie -
He asked me THREE more times over the next 2 to 3 weeks, constantly trying to get near me and asking me if I had though about it and wanted to be his girlfriend.
Eventually, I had enough, and told my friend to tell him that I had a boyfriend so he would leave me alone (I know, that's childish, but I was young and quite honestly, creeped out. I also felt bad, because he had hinted that he had a mental illness of some sort and I wasn't sure what to do).
Later, he confronted me about it, claiming that I had told him 'I wasn't ready for a relationship' and stuff. Knowing I had been caught, I stuttered something, before practically running away.
I stopped attending (not because of him, but moreso because my parents could no longer afford the camp), and when I returned the last couple weeks of Summercamp, I found out that he had stopped going when he figured out I wasn't going either.
But I want to know - was I the asshole for doing that? Rejecting him and telling him I had a boyfriend besudes the fact that he was intellectually disabled?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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awnp6m
|
{
"description": "not wanting my boyfriend to use my lighter",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not wanting my boyfriend to use my lighter?
|
My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) have lived together for about 3 years, we both smoke a lot of marijuana, cannabis, weed, pot, devils lettuce, whatever you want to call it. He works in the industry so he gets quite a bit for free and when we run out I buy more (with his industry discount). We have arguments over who smokes more or he gets upset because I like joints and he thinks they waste weed.
But that’s not what this is about, this is about a lighter. He goes to work really early and usually takes all of the working lighter with him to work. There have been so many times that I have searched high and low for a lighter with no luck. So I run to the store and get a new one. A few weeks ago I had a brilliant idea, I bought a bright pink Djeep lighter instead of a Bic and thought ‘he will never take this’ and when he got home I even said “I bought this so you won’t take it to work”.
Flash forward to yesterday morning, we were both getting ready for work. He put the bright pink Djeep lighter in his pocket. I rolled a joint and before he left I said “hey you have my lighter!” He gave it me to light the joint and I put it in my pocket. He got super upset and went into this whole rant about how I can just buy a new one. He is right, I can.. but he can too. He made me feel bad for smoking weed that he got from work and I gave him the lighter to take to work. He left angrily without saying goodbye.
I’m not sure what to think and I feel like an asshole for caring about a cheap little lighter but another part of me doesn’t know.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
anyicm
|
{
"description": "calling my friend judgmental and saying that she spreads drama",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling my friend judgmental and saying that she spreads drama?
|
Hey.
For context,
I went out for dinner today with my friend, let’s call her Karen. Karen and I hang out everyday and talk, and I do enjoy her company, however, she isn’t the type of friend I would go to to talk about extremely personal matters, because she’s a very judgmental person and always has something bad to say about anyone, even if it’s just someone crossing the street or walking by. She also is very much involved in drama and her life revolves around social media. She’s been involved with SEVERAL drama and talks smack about anyone she doesn’t like or does something she doesn’t like, so I don’t trust her much.
There’s been some personal issues with my boyfriend lately, so I’ve been spending some time talking with him on the phone and to see how his day is. I don’t really talk to her about him, I would mainly go to our other mutual friends to talk about that, because they are more empathetic and aren’t the type of people to judge. They’re just easier to talk to.
Anyway, onto what happened today. I was telling my friend about my boyfriend because she was asking, but Karen overhears this and starts asking me, “so when are you going to tell me about him?!” “Please I want to know, you won’t tell me!” “You’re keeping secrets”
To which I reply, “Sorry. I just feel like you’d spread it to everyone and then make judgmental remarks about myself and my boyfriend, that’s why.”
Then I receive the silent treatment and she won’t talk to me about it. I genuinely want to know her thought process and communicate about it, but I really think there’s just a miscommunication here; would love to solve the problem if she would talk to me about it.
Pretty sure what I said was an asshole move, but I tend to be a direct/straightforward person and so I was just being honest. Thoughts? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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b3z1fl
|
{
"description": "\"not making my mom dinner\"",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for "not making my mom dinner" (I did)
|
She recently had teeth pulled and has to take pain pills every few hours. She has to eat with them or they will upset her stomach. Well it came time for her to take more and instead of telling me she huffs and sighs and expects me to know what she wants. When I took "too long" she complains I never do anything for her and am lazy etc. (Keep in mind she didn't tell me she needed anything)
So I make her food. She eats and takes her meds but is still complaining so AM I the ass
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
ajct2q
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be another one of his \"female friends\"",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be another one of his "female friends"?
|
I'm pretty good friends with this guy, but I've recently noticed he has a set of pretty much identical friendships with a whole bunch of other girls. I have no issue with the volume of said friendships.....it's just that I don't understand why they're almost exactly a carbon copy of our own friendship (same inside jokes, topics of discussion etc etc). Am I wrong for expecting friendships to be *somewhat* unique? I'm not romantically interested in him, but he occasionally flirts and it makes me wonder what his schtick/game plan is. I guess I just feel the friendship has run its course, to the extent that it feels replaceable.
I genuinely don't know if I'm being unreasonable here or if anyone else has ever felt this way. Please let me know if I'm the asshole in this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
q7dy7tcYuFM2YqoPclh4VkJuUrIv6DJQ
|
ahxzgi
|
{
"description": "refusing to go to the laundromat",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to go to the laundromat?
|
So my boyfriend and I have lived in our house for going on a year now. When we first moved in, we didnt have a washer and dryer, so I would go to the laundromat. Now fast forward to now. We still do not have a washer and dryer. It’s not for lack of finances because he bought a new tv. So I’ve started hand washing clothes at home and I am not going to the laundromat anymore. (Always creepy dudes, expensive, half the shit doesn’t even work etc.) I’ve been bothering him about getting one since we moved in and now I’m just so fed up with it. And now he’s mad because there’s clothes hanging to dry all over the house. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
rkhw0xqVO3jnYFbCHUsHKX2ZodWx5N7d
|
9xop5r
|
{
"description": "not going home for Thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I don't go home for Thanksgiving
|
Title says most of it. My mom really wants me to come home for Thanksgiving because she hasn't seen me and my dog since August, and really misses us. My reasons for not wanting to go are:
\- I have no car and have to find a way to transport my dog home, and I haven't found an affordable option yet. It would literally be cheaper for me to pay for my whole family to come visit me instead. I could also work during Thanksgiving and make money to pay off a bunch of things I need to pay off.
\- We'll be spending the holiday away from my hometown, and the main reason I like coming home is to hang out with my friends from said hometown
\- I'm a college student, and quite frankly I'm very burned out and I have exams and essays due the following week. I am not doing as well as I want to this semester, and need to focus my energy on this final stretch so that I do well
\- I think I would enjoy a simple friends giving, and wouldn't be miserable staying on campus
\- I'm going home December 15th, so it's only a few weeks before I get to see my family.
The thing is, my mom REALLY wants me to come and I don't think she'll take it well at all. I'm thinking I should just suck it up and go, but I was wondering would I be the asshole if I told her no?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
HBh5sY8VO7Tr8Pc8NrRKm1HcFNCkYzty
|
ba2fwc
|
{
"description": "insisting my friend sell my ticket",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA if I insist my friend sell my ticket?
|
In October 2018 I received a notification that a group I like will be playing at the local arena. I immediately sent it to my friend (Sarah) as she like them too and we agreed to get tickets. About an hour after that she texts all excited about the seats she got.
Which, to be honest are pretty good, center floor. However she's 5’9” and I'm 5’0”. So while she will have a great view I'll be spending the majority of the concert looking at shoulders and backs. I replied that those don't work for me both the location and the price and offered to back out if she had her heart set on them. I explained that I'm short and wouldn't be able to see the stage.
So later that day I receive another text that she bought 2 more tickets on the side bleachers that only cost $30 more than I had set as my limit and she could resell whichever set we didn't want. I said that it was too expensive for me and said I just couldn't attend at this point. I would have had trouble affording the ticket then. Now I wouldn't even consider - my expenses have exceeded my salary for 4 months now due to emergencies. The original plan was for her to post 2 of the tickets on a resell site and then see if another friend would sit with here but what happened is another friend and her mother are now going which still leaves 1 ticket and means 1 person will be sitting alone.
AITA insisting that my ticket needs to be sold even though the concert was kind of my idea in the first place?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
5sC0I0GXc5pdpeNPlocQgwqE6SkGjPCN
|
b92ili
|
{
"description": "asking my old fling to take our photos off instagram down",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for asking my old fling to take our photos off instagram down?
|
i used to be great friends with this girl, then she wanted something more and i just kinda figured might as well since she was really good to me. but when it ended very poorly, with me realizing i didn’t want her to take advantage of my sadness, but that’s a whole other story.
anyway she still has romantic pictures of us on her instagram, it’s been bothering me an my girlfriend for ages now so i finally just asked her, she responded with “i don’t care about you”, “they’re just memories” which is funny because they’re shitty memories. she had also called our relationship “abusive”, and we never dated, we just hung out a lot, i never gave her any reason to believe we were dating, we never had sex, never held hands, no PDA, nothing of the sort. i figured if she calls me abusive, she doesn’t deserve to nor should she want to have pictures of us remaining. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
PyZy7PYGvEVc1bQ92zfB2xO5orIubkDR
|
b9by84
|
{
"description": "making one comment to a rude person",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making one comment to a rude person?
|
Picture this. It’s late morning and my girlfriend and I are in her room getting over a hangover. I’ve been silently browsing my phone for what seems like a couple minutes but was probably more like an hour. My girlfriend stirs and asks for a cup of tea, which I dutifully get up to make. As I’m chucking some clothes on, I hear a males voice come from behind the (unlocked) door: “Girlfriends name?”.
Not sure who it is, we hesitate. Next thing you know, girlfriends flatmates friend has walked in. Says his toilet is broken and flatmate doesn’t have any toilet roll so needs to use my girlfriend’s. I say “don’t worry about knocking” in a stern and sarcastic tone.
He mumbled something like “don’t be like that” as I left the room to make the cup of tea. A short while passes and I return to the cesspit that is my girlfriends room and I’m met with a reprimanding lecture about how rude I was and how I should apologise. Am I the asshole?
IMO the guy just walked in to the room about a second after he said my girlfriends name. We could’ve been doing anything. What’s more is they are not friends, in fact my girlfriend is actively hostile with the flatmate, so why can the flatmates friend walk in like that?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
JeOxjYUZAzbVG8R3katKKQ7oN0repBfX
|
a7iyzz
|
{
"description": "telling my friend's parents that he smoked, got drunk and took drugs",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for telling my friend's parents that he smoked, got drunk and took drugs?
|
My name is James (24). I got into a fight with my friend Sam (24) (a girl I was pursuing asked to sleep with him, and he agreed), and in response to this, I texted my dad, and told him about all these bad things Sam has done in the past few weeks: such as getting blind drunk, smoking, taking drugs once etc. This has put a huge strain of his family, and his parents are unsure whether or not they want to separate (they've had issues in the past).
Sam was going through a downward spiral, and there was no way for me to predict my parents would be considering seperation as a result of finding out this information. Sam's brother Luke insists I should've approached him about what I intended on doing, and we could've worked together and approach this from an angle of wanting to help Sam, as opposed to "let's tell his parents for the sake of *hurting* him." Although this is true to an extent, I don't think me acting out of anger necessarily makes my actions bad. Good things can be done out of anger, and I didn't expect this outcome.
Am I the asshole in this situation? Can I be held responsible for the outcome of my actions?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
w88CbRnhjAnmWT9S5Cf8eBoe7uOr2XJ3
|
afswhw
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to pay for some of my car maintenance",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA If I asked my boyfriend to pay for some of my car maintenance?
|
For background, my boyfriend of four years and I live together and share use of my car. The car is in my name, I purchased it before ever meeting him, it’s fully paid off so all I have to pay relating to it is insurance, maintenance and gas. My boyfriend still very much treats it as my car, and asks if he can use it before taking it. It is not used very frequently as we both walk to work, so it’s only used 2-3 times a week in the evenings.
During my last oil change in the fall, I asked my mechanic for a full inspection and was told I would need a new battery soon (as expected since the car is almost 7 years old). I had planned to get a new battery installed, but then the car’s horn broke and needed to be replaced so I had that fixed instead. So the car still needs a new battery. It’s not a dire situation, I have indoor parking so I’m not leaving it outside in below freezing temperatures which would be worse for it. I was planning on replacing it in the spring.
Cut to tonight, my boyfriend used my car for a bit, and was talking to a friend on the phone while driving home. When he got home he parked in front of our condo building instead of the underground parking so he could continue his conversation before coming inside. He had the engine off during this time, but the car was still running and using the battery. My car now will not turn on as I’m assuming he’s drained the battery, so it’s stuck in front of our building until I can get a boost. I obviously need to have the battery replaced now rather than later, and I will now need to take time out of my work day to bring it into the shop to be fixed, which inconveniences me.
So, WIBTA if I asked my boyfriend to help pay for this repair, or do I suck it up and pay since I was going to have to eventually anyways, and I chalk it up to the cost of owning a car?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
23SEwYQkerhQSfHIAS8uoP5p9UskgZtH
|
agpfn0
|
{
"description": "not wanting to catch my new husbands coldsores",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to catch my new husbands coldsores?
|
We've been together 3 years, married 1 month. In this time he's never had a coldsore before. I am not worried at all that this is a cheating situation. My husband has/had the habit of sharing everything with people (friends and acquaintances). Trying a new beer? Why not offer it around the table for everyone to sample. I warned him before that that's not really a good practice, but here we are.
The new husband part is important because since we got married he's been in a bit of a honeymoon phase, extra cuddling, extra affection etc, and this has put a damper on that.
**His side:** It is cruel and unfair of me to turn down his affection because of a condition that is incurable. He feels that it is inevitable that over our next 50+ years of marriage I will get it, so I am being unreasonable now in not letting him kiss me.
In my defense I am still being affectionate, I will kiss his face and cheeks etc, snuggle with him, and we are still having sex with our typical bc (condoms) etc.
**My side:** I don't agree that it is inevitable that I catch coldsores from him and I think I am entitled to try to avoid infection for as long as possible. If that means that for the next 50 years if he gets an outbreak = we don't kiss, then I accept that condition if it means avoiding an uncomfortable and unpleasant infection.
Also, it's not like I'm saying 'Ew gross' to him or being rude or a jerk about it. If he tries to kiss me I turn as gently as I can or pull away. He finds this very rude.
TLDR; Husband recently started getting coldsores and I am refusing to make lip contact with him during outbreaks. He says my infection in inevitable and that I'm being unfair. AITA?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
NyHb8ZNZBQ9IetqzB2RqKzKTvcfIo5aQ
|
b1fh7c
|
{
"description": "calling a radio station to complain about the dj's voice",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
WIBTA for calling a radio station to complain about the DJ's voice?
|
We have this incredible local radio station where I live that plays a great mix of music, and I love the curated experience. The problem is that the morning radio host is super obnoxious to listen to, especially before I've had my coffee. I feel like I wouldn't mind her so much if she was later in the day, but I just cannot listen to the radio station in the morning. So I end up listening to NPR instead, and then I get all worked up about some stupid issue in the news. I can't stand other radio stations cuz they all have commercials. And listening to an audiobook or Spotify, apparently I just don't have the motivation to get running in my car every morning. So would I be the asshole for telling the radio station I don't like the DJ's voice?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
RXHMk3RZKBjzBW8Eu6dRgQIlpzUrCYQY
|
ay8a7v
|
{
"description": "not speaking to my (now ex) girlfriend for a week",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not speaking to my (now ex) girlfriend for a week?
|
​
So I come up to be busy for 1 week due to important stuff, exams family issues and such.
Around 1 day into that week I try to talk to her shes obviously sleeping and then I pass out and she responds later into the afternoon, repeating until Wednesday. I find out from a good friend of hers that she went on a date with someone that I knew. Later that day I tried to call her within the week as well so I wasn't forgetting about her and such and I find out that she cheated (it was more than a date.) so I try and push it back like nothing happened because I didn't want to instantly get into a argument, little after that day I confront her and she was trying to act innocent and after that we got into a huge argument about me not talking to her for around a week after I told her that I wouldn't have any time to talk but I tried to call a bit but couldn't since she was sleeping. Little after that argument we broke up and continued our lives.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
3P86FJwWK2wvlYfCJFhsk4WWUXekoCqx
|
b8y747
|
{
"description": "ghosting/blocking my wife's number during a work trip",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 32
}
|
AITA for ghosting/blocking my wife’s number during a work trip?
|
Hi all, I am feeling awful and disgusted/disrespected. Long-short story, we have been married about 2 years and have a little one together. Our relationship is not healthy at all, I feel like she is mentally abusive and constantly put me down for anything.
Here is the thing, she is currently on a work trip, she does inside sales so she doesn’t have to be on the field at all. Anyway, she decided to go saying that she would meet partners and stuff but to me sounds like she planned or offered to go.
Before she leaves (Monday) she texted me saying that she will just work and to not worry at all. Yesterday morning, she texted again saying that will have a happy hour at a “restaurant” which I was okay. I called her around 5:30 to see what was going on and she barely said anything, saying that she was in the car with her coworkers heading to the place and then I asked for a pic when she gets there. Turned out that she lied about it and it’s a bar, fancy bar by the way. Texted her, called her twice since my little one wanted to speak with her and she ran to the bathroom to talk to us. I know her and the way she sounded was a drunk fucking person. About 9pm I asked what’s up and she said she would leave soon and I just got pissed and blocked her number. Last time she’s seen online was around 12;30am so I have no clue what happened and I am lost now on what to do.
Her number is still blocked, not sure what to do.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 32
}
|
WRONG
|
6XQQ9ubb3wcytS9RH6VhicSvJvftlHqD
|
9ufjou
|
{
"description": "not tipping mandatory valet",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not tipping mandatory valet?
|
Recently stayed at a hotel. On-street parking not an option. Hotel has a parking garage, which is exorbitantly expensive ($65/24 hours). Mandatory valet. Wife says I should have tipped valet. I said in normal circumstances where you have an option to park your car and the valet is a luxury convenience service, sure -- but not when it is forced.
(FWIW, I could see into the garage, and there was nothing special about it. In other words, it wasn't like garage as you see in New York or other major cities where they have to very carefully plan out where to park so that they can maximize space, without cars getting blocked in for the entire day. It was a normal parking garage with normal parking spaces.)
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
4MS0HRiFwIUPMjOK6dF76ZUvCWQRcJ93
|
b2zd9l
|
{
"description": "asking my friends to go on a trip with them",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for asking my friends to go on a trip with them?
|
So my friends organized a trip, and i heard about it from one of them.
I asked them if I could come too, because I just wanted to spend more time with them, I said "(Name) is my favorite friend, if he went on a trip he would have invited me" (I said it as a "roast" because thats just what we do).
and then one of them said "Thats why I dont want to go with you, you will bitch about everything. you're a good friend but you can't come"
He said it like i'm in the wrong
and since then I just wonder if IATA in this situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
YYDH4Krg0RzYNPLFsNWtVyUtPqeljbK9
|
ahr1t4
|
{
"description": "not wanting to stay with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to stay with my parents?
|
Me and my boyfriend have a long distance relationship for a few months now, and we rarely get to see each other (about once a month on average), and next weekend I'll be attending a convention we planned on going to together since before we started dating. The convention is in the city he lives, so he offered to have me stay at his house (wouldn't be the first time) for the whole weekend, and I naturally accepted, and told my parents about this. This was weeks ago.
For some context: I don't live in the same city I attend University in, but I go home almost every weekend. The past two weekends I could be with my boyfriend (once at his house, once at mine), and the next four or so weekends (after this of course) I'll be going home to stay with my family.
Now my sister decided she's attending the con too, and my parents come with her and stay at my aunt's, who also lives in the same city. Suddenly they're super against me staying at my boyfriend's because I'm not staying "with my family", and I'm "valuing him over them", and "acting as if we're already married" (their exact words). They are holding the fact I was with him for two weekends in a row against me, despite the fact I will be with them every weekend in the next month.
They are basically forcing me to stay with them. My plan was to go on Friday and return Monday, they want me to go Saturday and return Sunday, with them.
This has already caused us to have a massive screaming match over the phone in which my mom accused me of permanently making a hole in our relationship. I feel like they are not treating me like an adult, and want to be valued above my boyfriend regardless of circumstance. AITA for telling them point blank I don't want to stay with them over the weekend, and want to be with my boyfriend instead?
TL;DR: Weeks ago I planned to spend next weekend with my LDR boyfriend for a convention, my parents are going to my aunt's in the same city that weekend and are forcing me to stay with them instead. AITA for not wanting to?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
3cp1LtaL7sHqXqpp1dSq3ibT644VtpfY
|
avytq2
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed when my gf calls, and we barely talk while we're on the phone",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed when my gf calls, and we barely talk while we’re on the phone?
|
My gf (M, 21) sometimes calls me (22), which I welcome since we are in a long distance situation. The issue comes when we barely talk while on the phone. She will either be writing a paper or doing some kind of homework, and we end up listening to each other’s white noise for sometimes an hour.
Don’t get me wrong, I love that she wants to talk. I just don’t enjoy pointless calls, and frankly I’m annoyed by them.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
qgYV3ij1Xv6N4iXH6J57Oh4Oi8O3Hy0g
|
9x6kv2
|
{
"description": "telling a friend she's ridiculously disingenuous",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling a friend she's RIDICULOUSLY disingenuous.
|
EDIT: This turned out longer than expected. See TLDR for summary, skip to last two or three paragraphs for the important stuff.
So, I \[M18\] have had this friend \[F18\] for several years. We've been friends for a few years because we're both in the same social circle, but neither of us are the type to try to hang out with the other gender alone (ya know, being a teen and weird and all). However, over the past few months she'd expressed an interest to maybe do some stuff together. She didn't mention anything specific, only that it might be nice to hang out. Over the past 2 months I (platonically) invited her twice to help me with school projects (I'm at college for video production, and need friends to be "actors" sometimes) and once to go to a mutual friend's house for a "discussion group" (ie talk about interesting things). All 3 times she said No, but she always said she (A) was sorry it didn't work out (B) had a good reason not to (C) asked how it went anyway. ALL three times.
Enter Saturday this week. We're texting, and she talks about how people in our "mutual group" often don't get very much social interaction (we were both homeschooled before college). I invite her to help with a project, thinking it'd be fun. (this is the second project mentioned above). She says she doesn't like acting, but asked several questions about what the plan would be and said she would. The next day she texts me that I need to call her Dad first. I'm not annoyed by this, because where we live it's normal for dads to look out for thier daughters, and I'm expecting him to just make sure that I'm not going to hurt her. Completely normal, I'm not interested in her romantically, so I have nothing to worry about, right?
Now, before I go on, I will admit that two years ago I had a pretty serious crush on her, and definitely tried WAY too hard to hang out, and definitely gave her GOOD reason to be uncomfortable (nothing sexually innapropriate, just always finding way too many excuses to be in her vicinity). I understand that it was wrong, and apologized once I was called out on my behavior, and she was mature about it. I was actually really impressed that she was didn't let it harm our friendship.
Now, a few days later (yesterday) I meet with her dad. I'm expecting the ol "make sure you behave yourself" speech. Instead, he tells me that she's feeling "pressured" to hang out with me, and that I should probably stop asking. He said that it appeared that I wasn't being respectful to her. Now, I wasn't expecting that, but given past experiences, I could understand, and told him so. However, when I got home I turned my brain on. I asked her THREE TIMES in TWO MONTHS to do stuff with me. That doesn't sound pushy to me. EACH TIME she showed interest, but had legitimate reasons not to (out of town, family obligations, etc), and asked about the projects after the time they were done. Maybe it's my fault, and maybe she was being obvious that she didn't want to hang out (after all, I don't take hints very well), but that's the dumbest \*profanity\* of a reason to be disingenuous ever.
​
I see her weekly at a sporting event, and today she came up to me, knowing full well her dad had that conversation with me, and did the whole "Sorry I can't help \[my name\]! Something came up! Will you be able to get it done???" thing. Needless to say I'm pretty insulted, and I tell her I've lost a LOT of resepct for her because her actions are "just really disengenuous. If you don't want to hang out with someone, just tell them to thier face! You don't gotta be a jerk about it, but just be freaking honest for christ sake!" Sure, she might've hurt my feelings by outright saying no, but I'm way more angry that people can't just have an ADULT conversation. If you don't like me, tell me to my face. I can handle it.
​
**TLDR: Girl says she wants to do stuff with me, in reality she doesn't, I get mad at her because I hate how people can't just be honest about stuff and are expected to "uNdErStanD sOciAl HiNTs" BS.**
Sidenote: Now, I know many redditors will say that it's just her dad being "overbearing" and speaking for her what wasn't the truth, but I know she trusts him 100% and he seems very honest and understanding. "
and yes, I am in the south USA. Our culture is mostly awesome, but it can suck sometimes.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting to dance with a certain girl in my school musical",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to dance with a certain girl in my school musical?
|
**TLDR at the bottom**
Some notes before I begin:
* I am 16M and in 11th grade.
* I am not comfortable in holding other people's hands, being close to someone I don't know too well, etc.
* I have Asperger's, so I am relatively introverted. Note that I am high functioning, and most probably don't notice it until I say that I am, to which they say, "Makes sense!" (I am not offended by this)
* Despite what is stated above, I like doing theater... granted, this is my first *school* show.
So at my school, there's a musical that I am currently in. I'm a "Chorus Boy", so I basically act as a stage prop in the background until I actually do things like dance or maybe even sing.
Then we get to a girl that I will name Susie (not actual name).
Susie is a freshman that has some tendencies that I think are odd. She gets obsessed with other people or other things pretty frequently, she constantly gets absurdly close (literal sense) to other people (especially guys, but they're fine with it sometimes), she's a bit loud, and she randomly scowls at other people, although I'm not sure if it's intentional.
One thing I should expand upon is Susie's "obsession" with other people: I don't think it's really so much of an obsession as much as it is a joke obsession that Susie herself treats a little *too* seriously, but other girls in this class will tell her something like, "Oh, I think John Doe has a crush on you", and she'll run up to John, hug him, call him her boyfriend, and etc. This "boyfriend" changes every single day. Most of the guys find this more amusing than anything else, and Susie is kind of like the "mascot" of theater class, as everyone seems to like her... except for *me.*
I have never been openly rude to her before, and none of the other girls say anything to Susie about me (at least, I don't think), and I don't plan on being rude to her, I just don't want to hang around her.
Now to the actual story.
There's a slow dance portion in the musical, and everyone in the musical *has* to participate in it, no exceptions. As I've stated, I am uncomfortable near/touching other people, but this slow dance portion was not much more than holding hands, having the girl's hand on the guy's shoulder while the guy has it above their hip, and touching cheeks. I'd gladly bear through it for the sake of being a "chorus boy", though, and the dance isn't that long.
So when the teacher was calling on people to pair them up, there were very few people left. She called me up and asked me if I had a preference, and I said no. She then asked if I minded being with Susie, and I, forgetting who Susie was, said that I didn't mind. The teacher then called Susie up, told her to go get her dance shoes, and then dismissed her to go get the shoes.
I made an awkward wincing expression after Susie left, and the teacher asked me again if I minded having Susie as a partner. I paused for a few moments and said that I *did* mind, and that I was sorry and hoped I wasn't being rude. The teacher then called on a senior girl to be my partner, and that's about where the story ends.
My main concern is if I was the a-hole for turning her down, even if I didn't do it in front of her face. The sole reason why I turned her down was because I was uncomfortable with her tendencies.
**TLDR**
* There's a slow dance portion at my school play
* I hate being close to people and am awkward around people
* There's a girl that likes being close to other people and have "obsessions" with other boys, typically due to other girls having fun with her
* While the teacher was pairing people for the slow dance, I asked to switch with a different girl when I was selected to dance with her. She allowed me to swap.
|
HISTORICAL
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aft4g9
| null |
AITA or is this relationship doomed because these little idiosyncrasies are ALREADY driving me crazy??
|
AITA for feeling like my partner’s annoying habits are dealbreakers? My girlfriend (30F) and me (30F) have been together going on 3 years. We live together.
For some time, we have been at odds with each other and it is coming to a point where we may end the relationship. I need some internet stranger input on if IATA for holding on to ridiculous expectations and letting controlling alpha behaviors ruin a good thing. She has behaviors that annoy the hell out of me and I either need to chill out and find coping skills around some of my frustrations, or take these as red flags for our longevity.
1. Ever heard of RLS? Restless leg syndrome? That’s her but more than just legs. Her legs and body are always, always moving and tapping and ticking, and jumping around. We’ll sit at a restaurant and she is just a little jumping bean in her seat. I believe I am a little extra with my annoyance because I am self diagnosed with misophobia—literally just googled it for a name, but I’ve been so sensitive to repetitive or excessive sounds for as long as I can remember. The internet defines it as an involuntary physical or emotional response to selective sounds, such as chewing/eating or quiet repetitive sounds...please bear with me! This tapping and moving is torturous to me and I calmly try to suppress my irate reaction to this behavior of hers that manifests in all kinds of ways. She does know that it irritates me and can get offended when I ask her to sit still or quiet the tapping. Understandable but it’s so hard to sit and eat with someone while they’re tap tap tap tapping their toes or swinging legs under the table.
2) Another thing she does is fart AALLLLLL the time. They’re so benign and don’t smell but they’re never ending farts. I feel that my fart shame is knocking her down from her glorious fart pedestal and I hate that.
3) She is a fully capable woman. She has done a lot of interesting and adventurous things in her life that I admire. But she has odd helpless behaviors sometimes. As a person who LOVES solving problems I get very annoyed when she acts like...she just can’t. Then, I’ll step in to do it and usually the problem is solved in a matter of seconds or minutes. I think this is just pure laziness that I’ve come to resent and sometimes associate with her cyclical money woes.
Love this girl. So much. She’s beautiful, funny, adventurous, smart, loving, nurturing, tidy, supportive...not the best communicator but that’s for a different sub.
AITA or is this relationship doomed because these little idiosyncrasies are ALREADY driving me crazy??
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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|
apn25d
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{
"description": "dating my friend's cousin",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For dating my friend's cousin
|
for some context, I started dating my girlfriend about a year ago and we met through one of my best friends at the time. We met at a sports event but I only talked to her because I knew her cousin. During the past year me and my friend have gradually talked less and less and now we don't ever talk. This is because of the awkwardness and sadly this situation has made family events awkward as well, apparently they don't really talk anymore. Am I the asshole? for ruining a friendship and a family relationship?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
AQeJQikrjIkaNkwtYFJsNYxAaDts5m4n
|
b2ylin
|
{
"description": "refusing my mom's offer and not letting her use my laptop and graphic tablet",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing my mom's offer and not letting her use my laptop and graphic tablet?
|
My mom has a lot of acquaintances and recently got an offer to make a poster/facebook banner for a weekly vietnamese musician concert at a local radio station. It was $50 and she was asked by the organizer to make it for wednesday , I don't know why she accepted it because she has never done any graphic design at all or maybe the organizer has no idea what is the difference between a painter and a designer...
Knowing that I make digital art and video game concepts with my laptop and tablet, she kept asking me to do it even though I have no experience in it. She said that "I'll think of the ideas, and you can just make it digitally, it's simple". I decided not to do it because I'm quite busy with school lately. My mom ended up saying that she'll just do it on her own. Moments later she asked me to give her my laptop and tablet so she can do it on her own and also asking me to help her get started with the tablet.
I am super paranoid because of all the files I have on my laptop but also because I needed it for my classes, plus I feel like I was being used as she gets 50% of the commission money by just "thinking of ideas" while I get 50% for doing the actual work. (I have 2 year online commission experiences so I felt a bit uncomfortable)
I ended up refusing to borrow her my setup and she told me that I'm "selfish" and "ungrateful".
AITA?
tldr; mom accepts making graphic design banner, tells me to do it, i get 50% of the money and feel like a ripoff, i then refused. she later on asked for my laptop/tablet to do it on her own while begging me to help her do it. i refused her demand and now she calls me a selfish & ungrateful chhild.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
aoimh6
|
{
"description": "texting work-related stuff to all girls in my social media",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for texting work-related stuff to all girls in my social media?
|
FYI, my girlfriend and I are both 19 and I am the owner of a little company; so, a while back, me and my team were setting up an advertising for the national women's day, no big deal, just a image with the company logo and the following message: "For another year conquering what is yours in the world, happy women's day!". We posted it at the business social media and I sent it to all the girls in my personal one (I normally share things from my company on personal media).
So, recently, my girlfriend was looking through my phone (we both don't really mind looking at each others phone) and saw that I had sent all those messages and got really upset because it was on my personal media and some girls actually replied (nothing absurd, just thanks in general). I explained it was work related but she said I had no reason to use my personal instagram for that, which i desagree, since i own the company and work for it's success.
I can see where her jealously were coming from, so I apologised to her; but now, thinking back to it, I think I shouldn't.
Was I the asshole for texting all girls in my social media about work-related stuff?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
cCufZKyM3cU9QOd8YZAavg9WW1yqoPeS
|
b0dugm
|
{
"description": "not wanting to help my partner's depressed friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help my partner's depressed friend
|
My partner ("P") has a friend ("F") and they have been friends for a long time, and are very close. F has a history of depression and anxiety. When P and I first started living together, F moved in also, and all three of us lived together for a few years.
​
Whilst we living together, F was self destructive in terms of personal relationships, work and general selfcare. F would come to us for advice and help, which we would give but F would often ignore the advice and do the complete opposite.
​
Eventually, F found someone who seemed right ("N") and things calmed down a bit. After a while F and N decided to move across country on a short term basis. P and I supported this, and we found a place of our own.
​
After 6 months they moved back. Things seemed a bit weird and F told us about the abusive nature of their relationship. One night things blew up resulting in the police being called. We helped F navigate the police issues and cut off all contact with N.
​
This happened months ago, and slowly it has been coming out F and N have still been seeing each other behind everyone's backs. F recently had a breakdown and F's parents were considering hospitalising F. Although F had issues when we were living together, this new wave is a lot worse than what we have ever seen.
​
Throughout this time, F has been regularly been asking me and P for advice/help, and we were more than happy to help. Slowly I have become less tolerant as F again ignores advice. Whenever F needs anyting, P will drop everything to help. Because of F's relationship issues, F gets upset whenever P and I talk about our plans for the future (or any of our friends who are in long term relationships for that matter).
​
F is always grateful for out help. F has acknowledged they have made bad decisions and say they are trying to get things back on track.
​
F also stays at our house a few nights each week. It started with F asking for permission, but slowly over time it seems more F is telling us they are staying over rather than asking. Our new place is far smaller than our shared place, and only has room for two. Most of my things I need for work (I work from home some days) are kept in the room F sleeps in. F will regularly sleep in past 11, meaning I need to get everything I need the night before or do without until F wakes up.
​
I am frustrated our advice is being ignored and feel we are being taken advantage of. I feel a lot of F's issues are because they have made bad choices for a long time, and this all is a result of a situation they have created. I have told P this, and P mostly agrees with me but wants to support F still. It is starting to put a strain on our relationship as I resent F's behaviour and taking a lot of energy away from each of us.
​
Am I the asshole for resenting F even though it is a result of mental health issues?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Tlu7OsNCnfJEotOGmfa5O9u9svg0WBv9
|
9y2ymm
|
{
"description": "wanting to put a cat down",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to put a cat down?
|
Today my friend asked me for some advice about their cat. Long story short the cat is 11 years old and was diagnosed with stomach cancer so I told my friend honestly if it was me I would put the cat down because at the cats age if it isn't that something else is going to happen. I told my friend it is there choice but that would be mine. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
KPjx561KVMt9eTVCNvw6fUZ70rtySgn2
|
args17
|
{
"description": "probably being the end of my relationship because I wanted to understand my exes social media relationships better",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For probably being the end of my relationship because I wanted to understand my exes social media relationships better?
|
Backstory that might be relevant: Her brother died recently, she's still grieving. One of her exes abused her verbally and physically apparently. And cheated on her.
Okay so, my ex has cheated on people and lied to me about the nature of her relationship with people before. She's also led me on and basically "cheated on me without cheating"
Before she's had a guy fly to meet her when we tried to date and I blew up and that kinda contributed to me absolutely hating her. I was convinced I was in love and convinced she changed. She's kind of a social media butterfly and legit half her close friends are people online.
Me being the complete idiot let time get the better and 3 years+a new kid down the road, we reconnect and everything was wonderful. I told her explicitly that I needed clear communication, openness, transparency, and honesty.
Of course, got none of that, and even on her birthday weekend she planned to spend with me she was talking about going to one of her friends art shows with him and he was getting angry at her cause she chose to spend it with me. I didn't know about this guy until two weeks later so I got mad and said I thought it was inappropriate.
Then I saw more comments from another guy and this was her best friend or some shit? Like a dude she comments with online. They would leave hearts and be kinda weird in general so I just thought it was inappropriate and wanted to know more.
Eventually I saw another and that was the straw that broke the camels back and we started breaking up because she said it was emotionally draining. That she had to focus on her and her son and I was out of line for being upset and asling who people were.
Now she won't talk to me lol. I feel bad and want a non biased perspective so I can know how to change. I don't want anything else to do with her, but to be a better partner for someone worth my affection.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
diS7ryDjb9PGwNio07sy8CTuS3wqWNHs
|
a6rv4m
|
{
"description": "not lending money to my sister",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not lending money to my sister?
|
My sister asked me to lend 100 bucks from me now she has the money but she doesn't have the time to a exchange to switch it to dollars. She asked me if I can lend her the money and she will return the money to me on a later date. Now we only see one each other like once in two weeks and she has a tendency to not return things (on time at least). On numerous occasions she didn't return me my keys, headphones, office supplies and more. Every time me or my other sister try to get our stuff back it's always a big fight and in the end she returns the thing. Now when she asked if I can lend her the money I told her I don't want to. So she got mad and asked why I was acting to her like she's some stranger but I told her you never return things to me. She got mad at me and I am trying to figure out if I am the asshole
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
dWvDysR5qYJSGkrTuCSLgiNcLYR1z72H
|
a3n4i6
|
{
"description": "not giving credit to my partners on a group assignment I worked on alone, thus probably causing them to fail",
"pronormative_score": 70,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA if I don’t give credit to my partners on a group assignment I worked on alone, thus probably causing them to fail?
|
I’ve been paired up with two girls in one of my classes, and they haven’t been pulling their weight when it comes to homework. I’ve done about 75% of the work on the last 3 assignments.
This week’s assignment is due today. I’ve been trying to find a time that’s suitable for all three of us since Saturday, texting them multiple times, offering to help any way I can. I got basically no response, today one of them said she “forgot about it”, which I can hardly believe, since we’re assigned homework each week. I finished the assignment alone, and I’m pretty much fed up with them at this point.
We’ve already had a project that got rejected because of them, so if they don’t turn in anything this time, they will probably fail the class. WIBTA if I only put my name on the paper?
Edit: update
Surprise surprise, the girls texted me saying that they both work in the morning, so they won’t be able to contribute today either. In turn I told them that they won’t be given credit on the assignment, and it’s been silent since then. One of them didn’t show up for class in the afternoon (which isn’t unusual), the other didn’t even look at me.
I talked with my professor after the class and showed him evidence from the group chat. He understood the situation and told me that he will definitely take it into consideration and grade accordingly. Their fate will be decided soon, and I have a feeling it won’t be pretty. On the bright side, the assignment was accepted. (To be clear: this time the others didn’t contribute anything at all, it was entirely done by me. All three of our names were included in the previous projects.)
I appreciate everyone’s opinion and advice. This was a lesson for me as well. In the future I will act sooner and won’t let other people take advantage of me. Also, fuck group projects.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
2Skiu1kcgRWiDYBa7M3KG2hRUZpKOdOy
|
b2niae
|
{
"description": "telling off a homophobic old lady",
"pronormative_score": 46,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for telling off a homophobic old lady?
|
This weekend my girlfriend and I went skiing in the Alps. I'm a 24 year old guy and she's 21, if it matters. We've been together 4 years. We are both pretty good skiiers. A lot of women go to fancy ski resorts to wear expensive outfits, drink at bars, and party, but my girlfriend means business. She can ski circles around me, and I'm 100% proud of her.
Usually she dresses nicely to ski, since it's a fashionable ski resort and she's a fashionable person. However, this weekend, she said she didn't feel like dressing up, and instead just wore black snowpants, an old parka, and a hockey jersey. I didn't see anything wrong with it. She also wore a pair of my old skis with the bindings adjusted to fit her boots and a black helmet. What I'm saying is, anybody who saw her would have thought she was a man.
Anyways, we were in the gondola with this old couple. My GF (her helmet was still on) rested her head on my shoulder and we were holding hands. The couple must have mistaken her for a dude, because they gave us a weird look. The old lady whispered something to her husband. Then my GF took off her helmet, and they looked really confused when they realized she was a girl.
We were making conversation with them, and then, just as we were about to exit the gondola, the old lady goes, "Oh, we thought at first that you two were gays. Thank God." She laughs and expects us to laugh with her. I reply, "That's really fucking narrow minded of you. You should be ashamed of yourself." Then her husband tells me to watch my mouth, my girlfriend basically drags me away before I can respond.
Later, she told me that I was way out of line to swear at the old woman like that. She says I shouldn't be so reactive all the time and that my response was rude and uncalled for. She said yeah it sucks that the old woman is bigoted, but she's old, and I should have been more respectful. I apologized for making her uncomfortable in any way but it needed to be said, and that I can't stand people like her.
AITA in this situation or was it called for?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 44,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 13
}
|
RIGHT
|
baXAidISQkSlz8196NRDiyTjXCqqHENP
|
amx7w4
|
{
"description": "getting on my of my friends teased",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting on my of my friends teased?
|
Sorry for spelling cause mobile.
So I met this cool girl at summer camp, well call her D. D and I were pretty good friends at first and we continued so, but shortly in the friendship, I noticed she was listening to music with anthropomorphic animals on their covers/animations. So like any person on the internet I called her (affectionately or so I thought) a furry. She seemed playfully annoyed and brushed it off as no big deal. So I'd call her it occasionally.
Fast forward from summer to January, and I got one of her best friends who I play soccer with to call her it.
I was PRETTY sure I specified ONCE.
Unfortunately, it caught on around her school because her best friend started calling her it over and over. Now she's saying I ruined her life, she hates me, and never wants to see me again. Oh and to top that, she wants to get one of our mutual friends to hate me too.
I've apologized profusely but she won't even acknowledge me. I've tried to get her best friend to stop it but it's too late. She's really cool and I never meant to hurt her. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
3hJmNFUX1Lv8ZWcU1VcfhwW0nJ83lcec
|
9vw5xs
|
{
"description": "not offering money for a buddy to see hospitalized grandfather",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not offering money for a buddy to see hospitalized grandfather?
|
A friend who I have spent a lot of money on (not just him but a group) over the past year or so hit me up today with a message similar to “Sucks my grandfather is in the hospital and I don’t got money to see him”. He lives with his girlfriends family, and seldom works. I’ve loaned him money before and never gotten it back. Which I’m okay with, just not wanting to keep increasing.
The AITA question comes into play here. His girlfriends family? Her brother is a very close friend of mine. I’ve helped him out a lot, he’s a poor college kid and I make 50k a year. I wouldn’t question helping him. I feel like it could increase me being a asshole in this case.
The third factor is I’m paying off (and have been) legal issues between this past May and this coming May. Legal issues I took instead of sharing them with him and the other friend.
So AITA here or should I just offer?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
HtKOL1eZUs3v8kGsWGmxJ6pkviCdY1ni
|
a0jkpl
|
{
"description": "being upset at the prospect of a half sibling",
"pronormative_score": 198,
"contranormative_score": 137
}
|
AITA for being upset at the prospect of a half sibling?
|
At our thanksgiving get-together, my stepmom (who has only been with my dad a total of two years) announced she was pregnant. I was not happy and instead was shocked, so I didn't congratulate anyone or say anything nice. Instead I shut up and spent the rest of the night alone with my bio sister.
The stepmom already has 6 bio children, one of which I've never even met. (Now, her and my dad will have 9 kids to their name.)
By the time the child is born, I will be a late teen, and step moms oldest would be about 33. I feel like this child will not have the life it deserves, with almost all it's half siblings grown up, moved away, and working on their own lives.
I also cannot imagine my dad parenting again, as he has not had a good relationship with my sister and I for a few years. Further, he refuses to discuss anything important with us. When he remarried, we were told jack, and he is not willing to have a heart to heart or even a short discussion with us about what he's doing. With the new child, he is doing the same. My sister and I feel abandoned and pushed to the side.
Are we being selfish? Or do we just make do/ ignore it and live our lives?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 176,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
m0T2JejIqWxi9A90yJIxqHm2MiNTvJDh
|
ar18lb
|
{
"description": "telling girl I've been seeing that each gender has its own advantages",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA - Telling girl I’ve been seeing that each gender has its own advantages
|
Writing this from my phone, so please forgive the misspellings and bad grammar. Recently, I(36m) started dating K (33f). Things were going alright, no great sparks but no blaring “red flags” either. Our last date wasn’t the best but not all are slam dunks.
Well, she and I were txting about a recent lifting competition I was in and leanout goal for my size goal. During this conversation, she told em she hated how men can just sneeze and lose weight. So I responded by stating, each gender has its advantages. Hers get free drinks (a statement a female friend(34f) “M” stated to me week prior) and mine just happens to lose weight more easily. I didn’t think anything of it, except it’s what I had discussed and was told by M so no harm for restating.
Well, after that I’m he proverbial stuff hit the fan. Apparently, K thinks it’s sexist to believe each gender has its own advantages, the statement I had was overly sexist, M’s beliefs don’t count as they are perpetuating patriarchy, that since I’m a white male ai would never understand what she goes through as a white woman, I need to check my white privilege, that I should go read up on things like the wage gap as I’m ignorant about life and social justice, etc.
I apologized for offending her and admitted I had a bad equivalency with my examples only but I stand by the premise, each gender has advantages.
That’s the short synopsis of the events.
AITA believing and telling her the above? For Brushing off her comments which I found belittling as I struggle to lose weight, but she can’t let go of mine? Or is my instinct that she is trying to pick an argument to end things the right one? (I Still think her saying I’m not feeling the relationship would be good)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
iD0aydEvQPYxWZXFEWaoKXs0FNLnglRO
|
akf8mz
|
{
"description": "picking a movie I knew my SO wouldn't like",
"pronormative_score": 34,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for picking a movie I knew my SO wouldn’t like?
|
So a few days ago, I was feeling a bit down. My lovely boyfriend noticed and offered to make dinner and watch a scary movie with me. He *really* doesn’t like horror as a general rule, especially anything gory. But just as I watch things that are more in his wheelhouse than mine (think historical documentaries), he’s happy to suck it up once in a while.
I saw that Hereditary was on Amazon and asked if he was up for it. We had seen the trailer for it ages ago at another movie in theaters and I had mentioned I was excited about it. Beyond the trailer neither of us knew much about the movie so we hit play.
About a half hour or so in, something pretty awful happens, I won’t spoil it for anybody who wants to watch it themselves. Suffice to say, my boyfriend did not take it well at all. He couldn’t look at the screen and started yelling things like “What is wrong with you?” and “How could you make me watch something like that?”
I turned it off as soon as I realized how upset he was and tried to comfort him and apologize. He’s been a little rattled ever since, I think it really got to him. He’s been kind of cold to me and I do feel absolutely horrible, but I also kind of feel like he’s overreacting. AITA for picking the movie even though I was pretty confident he wouldn’t enjoy it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
gnNAOjwS2agMAdTK7KcSxFOwgOENPSyt
|
ayb7m8
|
{
"description": "wanting things on my desk at work to be left alone",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting things on my desk at work to be left alone?
|
I work the night shift, and I am the only one in my office who does. Before I leave in the morning I clean my desk, put up all the test equipment I used, etc.
When I come in at midnight my phone chargers are missing, there are food wrappers on my desk, post it notes, and equipment left charging because the other people in my office don't clean their areas so they have no space to put things. This has been an ongoing issue for years and I have had enough. Just because your a slob and never learned to clean up after yourself does not mean you should trash other peoples workspace.
I really hate to run tattling to the manager and being "one of those guys."
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
gFa6gAa0CwRn2S4OfMkKTpQMXTC24SRK
|
agdyel
|
{
"description": "watching an episode of a show my girlfriend and I binged earlier without her around",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for watching an episode of a show my girlfriend and I binged earlier without her around?
|
AITA: So this is a silly one, but me (29) and my girlfriend (29) just got in a suprisingly big fight over the (in my point of view) tiniest incident. Yesterday, me and her watched episodes 3-6 of a show I had already started ("Back with the Ex" on Netflix) until we both had to sleep. We live about 2 hours apart, so syncronized Netflix-watching is a regular thing for us during the week when we can't spend time together physically. Today, after an exhausting, long day at work I came home and made myself some food before working again for a couple of hours from home. While having my meal, I made a impulsive decision to watch the final episode of the show that we hadn't finished before.
Fast forward to 3 hours later, I'm facetiming with my girlfriend and casually mention having watched the last episode. She then proceeds to make a pretty big scene, telling me how incredibly upset she is feeling, how selfish I am for watching the episode without her - you know, generally trying to make me feel super guilty. She was apparently looking forward to watching it with me, which I understand, but I feel like I should be allowed to make my own decisions as to what I am watching when I eat. I did obviously offer to rewatch it again right away, and reassured her how much I would like to share the experience together, but she's having none of it and keeps labeling me an asshole here.
So, folks, what's the verdict?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
r6NmCn3dw5bbpwo9QMaQyRTwrCXaTOKu
|
adboku
| null |
AITA for the miscommunication?
|
NOTE: I will omit some details as I know the other party frequents this sub, but nothing integral...
Early 2018 I break up with a partner of \~five years. Saw it coming, so did all the sad stuff weeks and even months prior. Given this was a \~five year thing, I wanted to give being by myself for a good while a go (like a year or two?) and alongside venturing out on a weekend, jump on some dating apps for something casual. I meet this one individual early on through an app who was on the same page, but our rapport was great and we ended up talking pretty regularly after the initial meeting and would plan additional casual catch-ups over the months that followed.
We happened to live \~7hours from each other, but would keep each other company via text, just shooting the shit; they were also quite helpful when I was studying as they work in the field I intended to get in. In my mind, it was always casual and chill.
Anyways, after having kept this up for a while, I’m beginning to see indications they want something more. But, again, it was never addressed, and the "signs" were predominantly over text and social media, so therefore I resumed keeping it pretty casual on my end. Further, having hung out enough to see how they behaved around others, I couldn’t *truly* discern if I were imagining things or they were just this enthusiastic around good people and good company.
Now here’s the part where I know I contributed to this mess the most. Recently, in keeping in contact as we’ve done, I jumped on the back of a small, domestic holiday they had arranged ages ago, taking up their invitation as my other plans for the holidays fell through. Admittedly, when I agreed, part of me was like, “this *looks* serious… and maybe this *could* work?”, but I wouldn’t dare articulate that until I was 100% sure I was okay with being in yet another relationship/not being by myself. Long story short, I was/am not, and I discover this through several small events across this holiday...
So I feel awkward now when it came to showing affection because I feel like I’ve been leading them on despite us never communicating our intentions or thoughts on full commitment, so I ease up on the physical displays of affection, and unintentionally talk way less than usual. They pick up on this quickly, so I bite the bullet and tell them I’m not truly ready, despite all the stuff we’ve done together. They’re very upset, which makes me more upset that I’ve hurt them when they’ve been nothing but kind, caring, and supportive.
So we agree I cut my end of the trip short and I head home a couple of days early. For reasons I won’t disclose, I had to swing by their parents' place before this trip was fully over for me. I end up speaking with said parents, and they reveal that the other party was under the impression they and I broke up; not *bypassed* the opportunity to date exclusively, but actually *broke up*.
Having shared all this with friends and my perspective with their parents, all recognise there was a miscommunication from both parties, but I still feel like rubbish for not figuring my current mental state/feelings on a relationship out sooner and hurting the other party as a result.
It’s still pretty fresh and I’ve not heard from them for a few days so far, which is understandable, and I will respect whatever decision they make with regards to contacting me or not... but they are truly a great person and, miscommunication from both parties aside, it’s just me and where I’m at at this particular point in time that cannot grant their evident wish to lock things down...
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
XoBEOrkEXOhB3XWl0fpy9RCthFLm0Wpp
|
b6x8eg
|
{
"description": "forcing my 15y old son into doing track",
"pronormative_score": 102,
"contranormative_score": 82
}
|
AITA for forcing my 15y old son into doing track?
|
My son would be a total shut in if his mom and I allowed him total freedom. Recently, we enrolled him in track in order to get him doing regular exercise. His twin sister is in track and it's just as easy to have them both do it. His doctor recommended exercise to help him with coordination and ADHD.
​
We've been asking him all year what sport he wants to do. None has been the constant answer.
​
He's complaining every day, dragging his feet at every practice and generally making everyone else miserable at home.
​
Mom is strongly for it, and I am more uncertain, but we agreed to do it i am backing her up on this, but have misgivings. I did no sports in school at all, and my parents never made me do anything extra-curricular. MY wife on the other hand was required by her parents to do a ton of extra stuff during school. (Mostly to keep her busy and out of the house according to the wife)
​
I feel like we are doing the right thing despite his hatred of it. He is very awkward right now and uncoordinated, and his fitness level has tanked this year compared to last year when he still had PE classes (which aren't required in his grade)
​
Are we the assholes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 32,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 70,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nTOYJSpO4bDeaJL0IaYiviQ4AWuzNdOj
|
b72kn3
|
{
"description": "telling my in laws to stop buying my kids clothes",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I tell my in laws to stop buying my kids clothes?
|
Despite the fact I tell my husband's brother and his wife that my kids don't need anything for Christmas and birthdays, they continue to buy them clothes for all of these occasions. It is very nice of them. But the problem is that they only buy them clothes that are camo. I for one hate camouflage. It belongs on hunters while hunting and that is it. My husband (an avid hunter) doesn't even wear camo when he isn't hunting.
So they end up buying all these clothes that I literally don't put my children in ever. I have numerous onesies, shirts and pants in camouflage that get donated with the tags still on.
While I wouldn't mind keeping the status quo and letting some lucky camo loving family find their kids a wardrobe at the ARC, BIL and SIL have trouble making ends meet without buying clothes for my kids. They're always talking about pawning stuff for bill money or calling us to borrow $20 to get gas to make it back home (which they always pay back). So it makes it even worse that they're wasting their money.
So would I be an asshole if I told them not to buy stuff for my kids anymore?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
arc4f4
|
{
"description": "not going to my cousin's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not going to my cousin’s wedding?
|
Sorry for any formatting issues I’m on mobile.
A few weeks ago my cousin sent out an invitation for his wedding. It’s more of a reception as they had a courthouse wedding so it’s not like a pay per plate kind of thing, just a backyard party.
I work the overnight shift so my plan was to drive there after work yesterday, go to the wedding today, drive back home tomorrow to be at my desk at 11pm.
But then I got called into a meeting yesterday at 2pm. I said I’d drive when I woke up this morning because I was too tired for a long drive but I woke up this morning feeling like I was catching something (throat hurt, headache, sore neck/back)
I told my family I couldn’t come and some of them understand and the some feel like I’m being really selfish and I should just suck it up and make the drive.
For context: I grew up with this cousin but haven’t been close to him in years as I moved to a different city several hours away. His dad/mom have been really great to me though and include me in every vacation and every
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
d17uMpTSXlgb8mAJaF6zqjp6uW3Domgo
|
9zjt5n
|
{
"description": "asking my mom to let someone know where she is",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my mom to let someone know where she is?
|
I called her tonight to wish her a happy thanksgiving and let her know im coming home for christmas. My family was very dysfunctional, so to make a long story short, my mom has like one friend, and then her brother and her sister-thats mostly who she talks to. Shes retired, around 72, stays at home, but is active, mowing her lawn, using a snowblower to clear the driveway, ect. She does not have a cell phone. My father is not in the picture and she lives alone, no partner.
She mentioned that she was going to go into the woods and chop down a tree for our xmas tree. I said by yourself? And she said yes, and i asked her if she was going to call anyone and let them know where shes going and she said no, Frank (her brother) lives an hour away and works til 6 ect. I got kind of frustrated and said youre a woman, alone, its the middle of winter in maine and youre not exactly young and you want to go into the woods and cut down a six foot tree. All im saying is call Frank and say "hey, im going to go cut down a tree off Hancock road by such znd such, if i dont call u by six somethings wrong". And she got mad at me, said shes only going maybe 100-200 feet, she doesnt want to bother Frank, shes fine, she does this every year.
So am i being a bossy asshole, or a concerned daughter? If the former, im really supposed to tell my 72 year old mother "sure, go in the woods alone when its 20 degrees and cut down a six foot tree!"?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
m4IzshAWk0Jo2R8nO9wP4LEql4lzrqvZ
|
ayuzr0
|
{
"description": "sleeping at my boyfriends house all the time",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for sleeping at my boyfriends house all the time?
|
My BF (19M) lives in a large house with 4 other housemates, one of which is one of his best friends (27M). My BF & his BFF are really the only housemates who hang out with/speak to one another, at least that I have noticed.
Everyone in the house works full-time and travels a lot, my bf included. He hasn’t been home for the past 6 weekends in a row.
However, when he is home, I’m almost always over. I don’t get there until 9:30pm at the earliest and I leave between 8-10am next morning.
We keep to ourselves, in his room which is on the opposite side of the house from all the other rooms. We never make messes and are really never even in the living room or kitchen. I don’t leave any of my belongings lying around at his house either.
I’m quiet, and respectful..... except for when we have sex. I literally scream. I try to keep quiet but struggle to, and i feel awful for it, because surely his housemates do not want to hear that?! However, my bf’s BFF, who’s room is next to everyone else’s, says he can’t hear us from his room.
I also feel nervous about always being parked at my bf’s house - the driveway is narrow and awful, and when I’m there my car takes up a space.
The other housemates almost never have people over. The only time I have seen guests besides myself have been at parties, and when my bf, his bff + girlfriend, and another couple we’re friends with have all hung out.
The other housemates seem to be courteous towards me and my boyfriend? I’ve never noticed any rude behavior from them.
I’m just nervous that I’m breaking some unspoken rule in the roommate code of conduct. :(
TLDR: I spend the night at my bf’s 2-5 nights a week - basically whenever he’s home and not traveling. I’m quiet and respectful but scream when we have sex... feel like I’m being terrible!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
OYloUP3TU0QzDySvxYhh66u9lBDPCccB
|
b1ifzy
|
{
"description": "getting my coworker fired",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting my coworker fired
|
Throwaway because some coworkers browse reddit. I had a new coworker who started and I was his "work buddy". He was mid-thirties and came from another similar company. I was supposed to share a cubicle with him, show him around, take him to a welcome lunch, answer questions, etc.
​
Within the first two hours of meeting him, he commented nearly half a dozen times on my race (I'm tan and half-Asian)... at how I must be smart and good at my engineering job. To clarify, 1) he's not Asian and 2) despite most of my company being white, I don't recall a single other person ever commenting on my race.
​
TBH, I wasn't all that offended (more of a sad cringe) and he seemed to have an odd sense of humor. He kept reminding me he was Jewish by saying things like "we're a couple of the smart guys. Y'know. You because you're Asian and me because I'm Jewish and good with money".
​
I ultimately decided I didn't want to share a cubicle with him since his comments rubbed me the wrong way. Most corporate policies require that you go directly to HR (versus causing scenes in the office) so that's what I did. Two weeks later he's been let go for "inappropriate behavior towards fellow employees".
​
I wasn't even trying to have him punished... I just wanted to swap cubicle-mates.
​
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 28,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Oisfk3Q24KWN7eT2ZN6NkM1UxPp6mtEx
|
b14pwf
|
{
"description": "yelling/cussing at elderly female Jehovah's witness",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for yelling/cussing at elderly female Jehovah's Witness?
|
This is my first post ever on reddit, so please take it easy on me if I screw up on protocol.
I'm a guy that really values his personal privacy/space and I don't like people randomly showing up at my house. I'm not particularly religious, but I don't care if people want to believe in something, just don't try to force it on me. I'm all about people being free to do what they want to in their own life.
Before I get too deep, a little background info and I'll try to keep it brief...I had a fairly large business in a small town with a large customer base. My dad passed away and left me a big enough inheritance that I decided to shut down my business and take some time for myself and to process losing my best friend. I enjoy building cars, so that's what I do for entertainment.
During the summer I usually work at night and sleep during the day because of the heat. Several times I would go to bed at like 8 or 9am and be woken up by friends or former customers beating on my door at like 11am and giving me shit because I was sleeping. Like I'm just being lazy when they have no idea what I've been up to. I got sick of it. Don't show up randomly, wake me up, call me lazy and then ask me for a favor because I did you a favor before when I had my shop. Fuck you. I wound up putting a sign on my door that says "If I didn't specifically invite you here, you don't belong here. DO NOT knock on my door for any reason."
Saturday late morning, I'm in my kitchen and I see Jehovah's witnesses across the street. I shake my head and go about my business. A couple minutes later, I hear car doors shut in front of my house. I'm irritated. I can see through the curtains on my front door, a silhouette of a small elderly woman walk up to the door, read the sign and, of course, knock. I lose it. Keep in mind that I'm a 6'3", 300 pound biker kinda guy that can make a racket. I yell from inside "Get the fuck off of my property! Now!". She shits a stripe in her undies and I see leaflets go flying. She's apologizing and picking up the leaflets and I yell something to the effect of, "You better pick up that bullshit and take it with you." She does and apologizes again while shes walking back to their van. I move the curtains to get a good look at them, and it looks like she is crying when they pull away.
I feel like a major asshole for making an old lady cry, but I feel like they invaded my space when it was clearly stated that I didn't want to be bothered. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 12,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
SgeQK1jq9O6txVZFhoGvKiQwFaVmeuMF
|
aycaf1
|
{
"description": "not inviting my coworkers to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not inviting my coworkers to my wedding?
|
I’ve been working at this company for two years. I have my work “friends” but I’m in my twenties and all of my coworkers are older than me. Late 30’s or higher. We’ve hung out outside of work at company parties or happy hours but nothing outside of those scenarios. I don’t want coworkers at my wedding. They won’t know anyone else there, and last thing I want is any form of thought of work on my wedding day lol however, they know my wedding is coming up and one lady has asked numerous times when she’ll be getting her invitation. I don’t know how to get out of this situation, and I’m certainly being made out to be an asshole for not inviting them. Am I an asshole for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 12,
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"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
5SGhw3OGyLGwbAcmW7Eu7Ksk4YeXZM08
|
aul0xn
|
{
"description": "dumping a unbought products in the store's own food bank",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for dumping a unbought products in the store's own food bank?
|
Pretty much as the title says - on more than one occasion, I've taken a few items from a supermarket's shelves and put them straight into their big bin of goods being sent off to the local food bank.
Am I an asshole? Is this shoplifting? Am I a modern day, slightly-underwhelming Robin Hood?
Have at it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
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|
a1psei
|
{
"description": "telling my neighbors to quiet down",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my neighbors to quiet down? (NSFW)
|
My downstairs neighbor has a wife, girlfriend, baby with that girlfriend, and then another girlfriend that doesn’t live with him. Almost every night I hear them have so sex goddamn loud that I can hear his balls slapping against one of his ladies over the sound of my TV. His women scream and moan and it gives me the heebie jeebies. They’ve woken me up before. Last night it was at 12:30am.
When we can’t hear them porking, we hear their TV or radio. It’s so loud that our floor vibrates. I’ve asked him to quiet down mid-bang sesh, he didn’t listen. I’ll do it again the next time I see him.
I understand we live in an apartment, but my boyfriend and I are mindful of others around, and I expect the same of others. My boyfriend thinks I’m overreacting. So am I the asshole for wanting to be comfortable in my own home?
tldr: Neighbors pork real loud, even late at night. Asked them to knock it off, respectfully.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
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{
"description": "joining another music group near a concert",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for joining another music group near a concert?
|
Hey everyone. I’m a uni freshman, and I’ve been trying to do some things I haven’t done in high school. I’m big into music, but I mostly did instrumental stuff, and I like to sing. I joined a singing group and it’s been a ton of fun. We’ve been learning a bunch of songs and things are going well. I also was recently offered to join a small group that’s putting on a concert performance of a show. The only issue is that the practices run at the same time.
This would basically mean I would be missing half of each practice for around a month. My main group practices twice a week though, so I wouldn’t be missing out all the time. It just so happens that the scheduling makes it run semi-close to our big end of semester concert, where we would be in full swing with rehearsals. Normally I wouldn’t have any doubts about doing both, but another kid from our group planned on doing the other show and then quit. He claimed that he didn’t want to be uncommitted to our main group by missing practice. He made it sound like I was a jerk for flaking on our group.
So am I an asshole for wanting to do two groups at once? People miss practices all the time for stuff, and I don’t think it would affect my knowledge or skill of our music in any way.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
9vgylb
|
{
"description": "reselling something I bought from a friend for more money",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for reselling something I bought from a friend for more money?
|
I bought an Xbox steering wheel from my friend for $100. He didn't want it said he'd sell it to me for $100. Normally they retail for $400-550 or used on gumtree for around $350.
I used the wheel for a while and got bored of it and it was taking up too much space so I did it on gumtree for $280. ($180 more than I bought it for)
My sister thinks it was a dick move but knowing my friend, I don't think he'd care too much.
Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
avzw4r
|
{
"description": "refusing to get a product from another location for my assistant manager",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For refusing to get a product from another location for my assistant manager
|
First time posting on this sub, testing the waters and looking for an opinion(s).
Some back story further back before this happened. I work about 5-6 minutes from my current place of work. My assistant manager works about 30+ minutes away. From time to time, when there is an order that needs supplies that we don’t have, she has the most (of all 4 of us employees) locations to stop by on her way work from home without going out of her way. Where as I am limited to one location myself. And we only go ourselves instead of sending a truck to pick up the supplies when the time limit has passed and we can no longer get it delivered due to drivers being off the clock.
So a couple of months back at my place of work, my assistant manager (F) got an order from a customer that needed to be filled by the next day. She waited until 15 minutes before the delivery deadline for the day to place the order, and by pure coincidence, one of the last two drivers for the day was at my store. The drivers have company vans they use, not their own. This driver did not, does not, like me at all. And even the others can see it. As he came in, my assistant manager asked if I could go across town (15 miles out of my way) to the other location to pick something up for her order before I came in to work the next day. I politely said no. Because that’d mean I’d have to go out of my way 15 miles there and back. That’s an extra hour in the mornings. And I closed the store that day. Both my store and that store closed at the same time. Due to the fact the straight roads that lead there both have 2+ school zones at the time I’d have to go there. She kept insisting in a way that made me uncomfortable. ALSO, the location she wanted me to go to was my old work establishment. Same company, different local. My best friends also worked there. And she used that as an excuse for me to go. Again, I said no.
She keeps pushing to the point where I told her “listen, I’m not getting paid to go hella out of my way to get the things for you and drive back. I’m sorry but no. Put it on order now, so you get it tomorrow morning.” Again she insisted and said that she needed to ship the whole order in the morning, and it’s take longer. Also again, I declined. She kept pushing to the point where I tried respectful telling her it’s not my job, even if she’s my superior. To THIS, the driver stepped in.
“OH BOO HOO, you just have to driver across town? I have to drive AAAAAAALL THE WAY SOUTH AND BACK UP EVERY DAY! And you’re complaining about 15 miles?????? Grow up! Just go get the things for the lady! Be a man!”
Alright look. I was so shook, I paused, looked at him dead in the face and said “but that’s YOUR job my guy... and you have me HELLA twisted if you think I’m wasting my gas because she forgot to order the supplies during the day when she had time. That’s a no for me dawg” and I walked away.
She was upset for a day or two and now the driver hasn’t come in months.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
afabs3
|
{
"description": "not going to my parent's second wedding",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not going to my parent's second wedding?
|
So this story is pretty long, just go to the end if you want the tl;dr.
​
This happened years ago and we have both since moved on, but I just wanted to know if what I did at the time had been an asshole move or not.
​
During my childhood, my parents were always kind of ( they had fights every now and then) happy together. But as we grew older, my siblings and I, they started to get angrier and angrier at each other. But I didn't get to see that development to the end as I left the house for my studies. I hear a few months after I move out that they were getting divorced. No big surprises there.
What was surprising was how explosive that divorce was. There are two elements that you have to keep in mind here. First is that my mother has always had problems with depression and I have always supported her ( I was the one to call the ambulance after her suicide attempt and always tried to help her cope with it and try to get over it by having long discussions with her. I also proposed to be her guarantor for her loan, even if it did make me sell my bike when she suddenly stopped paying it back). The second element to keep in mind is my father did not help her a lot with it. He wasn't the cause of it nor did he make it worse, but he didn't help a lot.
When I say that their divorce was explosive, I mean explosive. They fought non stop whilst they had to tolerate each other(signing papers and everything). After that, whenever you went to see one, you couldn't spend 5 minutes with them without them insulting the other. And I'm not exaggerating here. It was so bad that one of my sisters cut all contact with them because of it.
Few years go by and I'm about to get married. Since they got divorced, their relationship had not gotten better. It was still the same as the beginning. So much so that I had to go through tedious months of negotiating because they didn't want to be there if the other was there. I had to negotiate and negotiate with them, for both of them to finally accept to be there.
The wedding happens and all goes well. Too well. I was worried right before the marriage that they were going to make a scene but nothing happens. I then find out that they spent the whole wedding together. I was pretty surprised. I go and ask the other guests indeed I found out that they had spent the whole just sitting next to each other and quietly talking, not talking to the other guests. I don't make much of it though and continue on with my life with my wife.
Few months happen and I receive by mail an interesting card. On it, it announced that my parents were getting married, and that my wife and I were invited. That's when I thought, "None of that for me" and I just didn't go, my wife not going either. I had not tolerated years of constant hate just for them to get married again.
TL;DR: My parents had an explosive divorce and hated each other for years. Then my wedding happens and they kept talking to each other. Then a few months after that they decide to get married again, and I just decided not to go.
Was I an asshole for not going?
Edit: Thanks to everybody who commented but I got to reveal the truth. This actually isn't my story but my dad's. He's always wondered if he had made the right decision by not going to his parent's second wedding and I thought I would take it to you guys. Thanks again for everybody's feedback.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
9u4rj4
|
{
"description": "wanting my so to be more assertive",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my SO to be more assertive?
|
TL;DR: My gf of 6 months is constantly scared about me interacting with women in any way, regardless of the fact that I share everything with her. I think her worrying makes the relationship unattractive AITA?
A little context: We are both 18, in the first year of uni, and have been dating for almost half a year. My gf's last relationship was toxic, her ex would berate her constantly for just about anything. She would often feel awful staying up all night bc she didn't know how to handle the toxic relationship. The relationship ended when the ex left her for another girl. But that was long ago, and I've tried my best to be the antithesis to him. I always asked her if she was comfortable, even if it was something as innocent as holding hands in public, and I waited till she was completely comfortable to start a new relationship.
HOWEVER after 6 months of a good relationship I constantly find myself irritated by how insecure and non-assertive she is. She said she doesn't like me watching porn bc it makes her jealous; ok I stopped watching porn. Since uni has started Ive met new friends, 2 of them being female, my gf now cowers away from my phone whenever I get a sc from them, regardless of the fact that I open them in front of her, and share every time we talk and exactly what we said. My gf is beautiful and theres no reason for her to think I think otherwise but the way she is constantly scared of me interacting with other women bothers me a lot. AITA for thinking she should be less cowardly?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
yvw935bVAZfLHakPd3pAO7ZC5pxC7hBA
|
ahwofa
| null |
AITA: Am I a shitty brother?
|
My sisters, Julia and Petunia (not real names) [20-23] and I [17m] stayed home last night while our parents went out for dinner. I had a couple friends over (a rarity for me) and was stressing out getting shit sorted for bed and dessert and whatnot. My sister was wearing a top which was low-cut and walked in the kitchen as I was leaving and I said to her “I think you’re missing a couple buttons” in what I didn’t think was a serious tone. She didn’t say anything else and went to her room. A while passes and I’m sitting down and check my phone and it’s a message from her boyfriend (they’re in the same room) and it said “ 5meirl7meirl, I want to have a word with you on how you spoke with Petunia”. I didn’t take it too seriously because he’s pretty easy-going and I didn’t connect his request to my comment. I go in there (friends watching infinity war), I go in and she basically says that what I said was sexist and that those sort of comments are the kind of comments that are the reason women are preyed upon. Petunia bf - someone who I really respect backed her up and I got really annoyed. I replied saying “That is not sexist, I would have said that to a guy or a girl” they basically then regurgitated what they previously said. I left her room annoyed and just went back to watch the movie.
The next day/Today, I don’t really talk to Petunia and her bf until Petunia says “Is there beef between us?” in a joking tone. I just replied “no”. If she was willing to forget, so was I.
Later that day, my other sister, Julia is talking to Petunia about it.
Quick descr. of Julia: Julia is an arts student who is part of the lgbt community and once likened Thomas Edison “ a man who stole other people’s ideas and took credit for it” to “basically all white men”. I don’t think she’s that bad in reality but, she has got - what I feel - some wacky ideas.
Anyway, they bring up the topic again and I restate my point that if you make a comment that you would to a person of any sex, it’s not sexist. They start bringing up how Julia was made fun of because of her breasts and how men in public wolf whistle and from that, they say that “if someone makes a comment about a woman and she finds it offensive, then it’s sexist. I reply and say “if someone called me human, and I found that offensive, would that be sexist?” (Stupid example, I know). So Julia starts crying and I just leave because 1. I’m not good with helping crying people (makes me uncomfortable) and 2. I believe that I’m in the right and don’t want to concede. As the youngest only boy out of 4 kids, I often don’t win. I call my parents and they back me up, saying they find it a bit weird, but they sympathisewith Julia (their favourite, I’m not mad). I, for the rest of the night refuse to talk to them, basically giving them the silent treatment and I decide to listen to music and start to clean up the house. I do this for about half an hour and then Petunia starts yelling at me to start talking to her and she wants to know why I’m not talking to her.
It’s worth noting that Petunia has recently been diagnosed with some really bad disabling diseases that basically make her diet restricted and means she can’t do much in the way of exercise.
I still refuse to talk to her and she breaks down crying, begging me to talk to her. I refuse because I always feel that in situations like this, she’s very emotionally manipulative and I don’t want her to “win” again. So I don’t reply. After she makes her food, she asks if I wanted her to do the dishes as she just used the pans to cook her dinner. I say “no, I’ll do it”. She continues crying and throws out her dinner in the bin. I finish the dishes and then call my dad, working late at work. He says to wait a bit and then to say to Petunia: “let’s forget about it”. I resist but then I concede his point. I say what he told me to say and that’s about the story up until now.
So my question is, despite asking my parents, I wrote this and tried to be as unbiased as possible, which I don’t feel I was as much as I could have been with my parents. On reading this, I’m really not sure. I feel like shit for making a disabled person start bawling and I’m just not sure whether I did the right thing.
So I come here to ask for the closest thing to an unbiased opinion. AITA
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
|
dAg3cHsdvBBnHnqA4esQUffsDx28b9FY
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az2b0l
| null |
AITA elevator rides
|
AITA.
This happened yesterday.
Info first: I'm 15 and I'm with my parents and my older brother. None of us are disabled in any way other than me currently recovering from a concussion (it had been a long day with travel and I was really tired from being with a lot of people for a long time and driving). English is my second language, constructive criticism on grammar is welcomed
My family and I were travelling home from a vacation in another country. We traveled by car and ferry.
We had just parked our car and were on our way up to the deck of the overnight ferry to get some food. The stairways up are very narrow and there is a long queue all the way up (5 or 6 levels)
Me and my family decides to take the elevator as its standing unoccupied. It has a big sign that its for disabled people but no one was using it so we decided to. It startes to go up. We are going to level 8 and it stops at level 4 because some people are trying to get in.
It's a older couple( by older i mean like 50) with big suitcases. They are not the smallest, with the woman being quite overweight (no hate on overweight people, you do you).
The elevator can hold 6 persons and we are already 4 in there and we are all really tall so we fill most of the elevator already.
The couple tries to get in and they are using a lot of force as there is literally no space. I'm standing in the innermost corner. I get really squished and start to panic (I was stuck in a elevator alone when I was smaller and I had been anxious for some days) I start to shake, cry and scream to get me out. By this time the elevator had already started moving upwards. My farther is also arguing with the couple to try to get me out and I was just crying more and more and everything is chaos.
The elevator stops at level 6 where the couple were supposed to get off and I pushed out and ran over to a quiet place. My brother and my mom came over and tried to comfort me while my father got us food. I have never tried to panic that bad before (the only time I got close were when I was stuck in the elevator) and now I'm really scared that It will happen again.
I didn't meet the couple again and I have no idea how they saw the situation.
So am I the asshole for getting into the elevator at the first point or
Are they the assholes for forcing themself's into an already filled elevator (my parents also tried to say to the to keep out, but everything happened really quickly)?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
fxuvydPk3pknXp9hNLJ6NnhQ2XYx12N8
|
au4jyx
|
{
"description": "leaving a friend's",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA Leaving a Friend's
|
I have never used reddit before but I am hoping to find a little peace of mind for myself here.
​
I made plans to see a friend of mine several days ago. She lives a good bit aways from me but she had planned to cook and just make a day of it. I wake up that day feeling out of it but since we made plans and she had already started to prepare the food I decided to go instead of canceling. I get there and we hang out a little while. Her neighbor calls and decides to come over. I usually don't mind her neighbor but she can be very loud and touchy. I wasn't in the mood to deal with her personality that day. After a little while I decide to leave. I didn't make a scene or say anything I just said I was going to go and that was it. It really upset my friend but I think it handled it appropriately.
​
We have talked about it some since and she insists that I was in the wrong. I fully believe that I was the problem in this situation and that is why I left. She has said if I didn't want her neighbor to come over I could have said something to start with but it doesn't feel right for me to say I don't want her friend to come over while I am at her house. She has said if it was bothering me she would have sent her neighbor home but again it doesn't feel right for me to have her picking between me and another one of her friends. Me leaving has also upset her neighbor because she felt as if she was intruding. I didn't intend for that outcome. They seemed to be having a good time laughing and joking and since I wasn't I thought it best that I left. I was a little annoyed in the moment but I wasn't upset or angry or anything I just wasn't having a good time. It also ruined the big dinner she had planned which I know was looking forward to all week.
​
I can't stress enough that I don't think my friend or her neighbor did anything wrong in this situation. I was the problem and that is why I handled it the way I did. I still think I wasn't wrong to leave but she disagrees. I guess I am hoping for other's opinions on if I screwed up and how I could have handled it better.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b90p6u
|
{
"description": "telling a girl she needs to leave her sister in the car next time she gets cigarettes",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling a girl she needs to leave her sister in the car next time she gets cigarettes?
|
I work at Walgreens and we have a corporate policy that if two younger adults want to buy cigarettes, we have to I.D. both of them. These two girls come in and I recognize one of them from my school. I ask her how's she's doing and we chat for a bit.
She comes up to the counter and says that she wants to buy some cigarettes with the other girl standing right next to her. They both look about eighteen. I ask to see both of their I.D.s in accordance to our policy. She says that the cigarettes are just for her and that her little sister isn't going to use them. Since I knew her, I told her that I wasn't really supposed to sell them to her but I'll make an exception this one time. I told her to "leave her sister in the car" next time because I don't want to get in trouble and most other employees wouldn't sell it to her.
She seemed irritated with the situation but finished paying and told me to have a good night. I had completely forgot about the interaction until about an hour later, when she walks in with her dad. Her dad makes a beeline towards me and starts yelling at me. He tells me to call up my boss. My boss doesn't work most nights so I called up my shift lead. He starts to yell at her about me. He tells her that whoever is paying for the cigarettes is the one who gets carded and that I should be fired.
I'm pretty upset at this point so I tell him that it's corporate policy and if they don't like it, they can buy their cigarettes somewhere else. He tells me to keep my mouth shut and that he's the customer. He then says that "I had the audacity to tell his daughter to wait in the car." I tried to interject but the shift lead cut me off. The man said I shouldn't treat woman that way. I felt like saying that I would've said the same thing whether it was a boy or girl but I kept my mouth shut.
He finally left and my shift lead told me just to ignore him. She wasn't upset with me and even let me go to the break room to calm down for a sec. In my mind, the only thing I did wrong was violate the policy to help a girl that I knew. I think I could've maybe worded it differently when I told the sister to stay in the car but when I was saying it, I was trying to be helpful.
​
TLDR; I sold cigarettes to a girl with her sister but told her to leave her in the car next time. Her dad came in and tried to get me fired. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
5Ca8igkiyDbp4fNf0dlBiKql0g0CX8Mh
|
9wxskb
|
{
"description": "not telling my insecure girlfriend that I'm letting my ex-girlfriend stay at my place for a while after she got kicked out by her abusive step dad and had no where to go",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 40
}
|
AITA for not telling my insecure girlfriend that I'm letting my ex-girlfriend stay at my place for a while after she got kicked out by her abusive step dad and had no where to go?
|
My ex-girlfriend got kicked out by her abusive stepdad without warning, she's only been in this country for 4 years and she doesn't have that many people that she can turn to for help and that she trusts. We stayed on good terms after our break up and we still hang out regularly. She came knocking at my door and told me everything, and I told her to stay at my place for a while. My parents always liked her so they were cool with it. She also gets along very well with my mom who doesn't have that many friends either, so I'm happy about that too.
I decided to keep it from my girlfriend because she has trust issues that she's been struggling with and she has always been jealous of my ex, and I know that she would lose her mind if she knew. I thought it would be better if I just don't tell her, my ex isn't around that often anyway, she mostly comes at night occasionally to sleep and she's around in the morning but that's it. Furthermore, it's not gonna be for a year or anything like that. Maybe a month or two.
AITA for keeping this a secret? My friend says I am. It's not like my intentions are bad, I see it as more of a white lie than anything else. What you don't know can't hurt you, and I'm not doing anything wrong anyway.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
0EIl92r21cdL47ijptum8Do8XYL6RRD0
|
b0m2fl
|
{
"description": "correcting my friend's malapropisms and mispronounced words",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for correcting my friend's malapropisms and mispronounced words?
|
I feel like I became a passive aggressive monster asshole yesterday, and I'm not even going to use a throwaway because I probably don't deserve the brief anonymity.
Spent the day with a very dear friend who always uses the wrong words and also mispronounces words. I don't correct her, because I've always figured it's rude. I won't deny that it annoys the hell out of me. Anyway, we went all over town browsing furniture stores, shopping for nothing in particular, when I observed that I liked the look of a certain dining room suite. She said, "It's a *suit.*" Okay. I know she always says "suit." That isn't going to make *me* say it that way. I looked at her and rolled my eyes.
"Well," she said "I'm just trying to help. I know you don't want to run around sounding like an idiot."
"Thanks, but you are the one who sounds like an idiot. Google it or something." She got on her phone and I guess must have looked it up, but commented, "It might be spelled with and "e," but it's silent." I probably rolled my eyes again, but didn't say anything.
Later, she said, "Hey look at the price of that CHESTER DRAWER!"
"I believe you meant to say, 'chest of drawers?" She didn't respond.
We were driving home. I passed up an opportunity to correct "pacifically," "rod iron," and "touch basis" but I did correct her when she said she hated driving under "viadocks" in the rain.
That prompted her to stop talking. She just sat there staring ahead until we got to her her house. She got out of the car, slammed the door, and hasn't responded to any texts.
I know she is angry at me, but how much of an asshole am I?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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rUKYLrDpH3HIKcLGqXOvKrno6oUSQwkU
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b0v9hc
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{
"description": "uninviting my Mother-in-law from my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for uninviting my Mother-in-Law from my wedding?
|
Backstory: I'm gay, and my fiancé and I just recently announced our engagement. Everyone has been super supportive up until this point, and 99.99% of our families are beyond excited. A couple days ago my mother in law called us and said that she wouldn't be attending the wedding because we are living in sin and she doesn't support gay marriage, but she would still be attending the reception. Which boggles my mind because I don't know how that could be rationalized as being any different from not attending a secular marriage ceremony. She is a devout catholic, as are both of our families. She is the only one who has said anything.
Anyway, I told her that she would be more than welcome at the reception, if she also attended the ceremony. It would be awkward for everyone involved, especially because she has aired her views publically on Facebook. To me this isn't a thing you can just pick and choose. My father in law agrees with me, as does everyone from her family I've talked to. I would hate for her to miss out on this, but she claims now that I am persecuting her for being catholic. AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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3HcywjpKJNHmHwWVz6pMoUZfEQdur8HA
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axft37
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{
"description": "not giving my friend some of the candy I was saving for later",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving my friend some of the candy I was saving for later?
|
I went to the school store with some friends after class and bought a bag of candy for myself for later (mini starburst), because it’s my favourite candy and I was going to be up till early in the morning writing an essay, and wanted it to suck less. I put it in my bag and my friend started begging me for some, but I told her I was saving it for later, in the night time, and didn’t want to open it yet. (I had no means to keep it closed, so they could have spilled inside my bag, and since I would be up for a few hours, over that time I would most likely eat them all) she kept begging and begging and was really mad that I wouldn’t just give her some.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b1xqtz
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{
"description": "ignoring guy at work because of his voice",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ignoring guy at work because of his voice?
|
So, I'm 20M and just started working at a decent place a few months back. I'm pretty ok with most of the people there, I don't talk to them, since I'm pretty introverted. One of the managers there, "Bill" is extroverted, talkative and has a hugely grating voice. He speaks really loudly, he has an infuriating laugh, and basically laughs at anything, especially his own jokes. He's not my boss, or even an authority figure to my department, but I've been sent out to assignments with him a while.
He's extremely by the books, and is the type to call up the owner if I have to leave 2 minutes early, simply so I don't miss my bus home and have to wait a full hour, and he has me check all sorts of lists and shit for things he should know by this point.
Basically, he annoys the shit out of me, but it's obviously not something rulebreaking in any way, and I'm not gonna be rude to him so I basically ignore him. I start working before him most days, so I usually pretend I can't hear him over whatever work I'm doing so I can avoid him. I haven't really noticed any problems, but I don't want a meeting or some shit in the future over this.
AITA, should I just suck it up and deal with his annoying shit?
​
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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0St2eOopIqy4JRcdeFwk578Z9uyOZOTl
|
ar8o9n
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{
"description": "asking my friend to pay me half the money",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for asking my friend to pay me half the money?
|
I made an order for delivery a couple weeks back. Since I didn't want to have it come to my house, I asked my friend if he would be okay with the order being shipped to his house. He was okay with it and told me he would be fine accepting it on my behalf.
The day the shipment was updated to have entered the country, I contacted him telling him that it was most likely coming the next day and he acknowledged what I had said.
The next day, he's in school with me and I tell him that according to the postal service website, it would take 2 days instead of 1 for the delivery to be made and tell him that it may or may not be arriving. Couple hours later, he receives a message which says, "There was a delivery for John Doe here. Does anyone know a John Doe?". So apparently, he didn't tell anyone at home that there was a package delivery being expected with my name on it and so the delivery person was told that there was no person by my name who lived there.
Now, the package is en-route to sender because the postal service doesn't have the authority to hold it. If I want it asap, I have to pay a retrieval fee of $21.40. So I'm obviously pretty angry because I already payed like $25 for shipping the first time round. I ask him to give me half the money because he didn't live up to his end of the agreement and notify anyone at home. When I asked him why not he said that it was my fault because I told him that the postal service website said it would take 2 working days.
I'm still asking him to pay me half the price before I have to go collect the thing and have made it pretty clear that I am pissed off at him. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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JGYFhqt3QufDjhANjYVS39t2Qizb0wLm
|
arzkgb
|
{
"description": "choosing to change my name even though it will hurt my mother",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for choosing to change my name even though it will hurt my mother?
|
So my name, while it has a lovely meaning in my native language and is common in the country my family is from, sounds awful and weird in English. I was constantly teased and tormented throughout my school years and even now at 21, whenever I give my name to people, I can see a few try to stifle back laughter. I get compliments on how "cool and unique' it sounds at times but I still hate it.
I've always loved the name Jasmine. I think it really suits me. I also like the spelling Yasmine (which would probably honor my ethnic heritage more). I would always wish as a child that I was named it but now that I can change my name legally why not.
I told my mom recently about how I plan to change my name and that I would like her to call me a new name once I change it. She got mad and told me that I have no right to change my name and that it is disrespectful to her and my dad. That it would be like saying that they're not my parents anymore. She said she'll never stop calling me by the name they gave me.
I find this extremely irritating because I'm the one that has to live with a weird name my whole life, not her. Ironically enough she has a name that sounds nice in English and our language. I still want to change my name though. AITA in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
0pgEXyHBG5wnXietMkEj1jpG0PrOOU7W
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aqe9bd
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{
"description": "thinking my boyfriend's roommate telling me I can't stay over is ridiculous",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA if I think my boyfriend’s roommate telling me I can’t stay over is RIDICULOUS?
|
So my [24F] boyfriend [26M] lives with one of our mutual friends [25M] (we’ll call him Collin) and one other guy. My boyfriend has the more private bedroom in the basement with an en suite bathroom and another sitting room. He’s been living there and paying rent for almost 3 months now. Since I live about 1.5 hour away from him, most weekends I stay at his house from Friday night to Monday (sometimes Tuesday) morning. Just recently Collin has made a point of telling him that I’m no longer welcome to stay overnight anymore.
Before my boyfriend moved in, he made a point to make sure there was nothing in the lease that would prevent me from staying there. The only part of the lease addressing it is a part that states guests cannot stay more than 7 consecutive days at anytime. I hardly spend any time upstairs in this house and if I do, I’m with my boyfriend.
I’ve tried to let this be an issue between them, but I feel like I need to speak with Collin. The house that they live in is owned by Collin’s parents, which I believe Collin thinks gives him the title of primary roommate? He stays in the master bedroom and make big decisions like knocking trees down in the backyard, etc.
So AITA for thinking that a ban on overnight visits is ridiculous?
EDIT: Also a little background, Collin used to date my former roommate and best friend, and therefore would stay at our place 4-5 nights a week. They’ve recently broken up, after she spent 3 or so weeks living 24 hours a day at their house.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Nb7ngR5GacklX0DwyirqLlyVpJFvHd2X
|
a73spz
|
{
"description": "insulting my boyfriend's entire family",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for insulting my boyfriend's entire family?
|
Background: my boyfriend and I are both 19. I have always had lung issues. His family smokes.
We were in the car on the way back from getting tea. We were talking about stuff and things and the conversation turned to the apartment he's moving into and his roommate. His roommate apparently wanted to be able to smoke inside, so they found a smoker-friendly place. I felt my heart drop. BF was clearly excited about finally having his own place, so I didn't want to say anything to ruin it.
But I did anyway. "I'll have my own place so you'll be able to sleep over."
"No I absolutely will not"
I then went on a long rant about how I feel about smoking indoors. I think it's disgusting. I hate it. I can't breathe when I'm near smokers. Smoking is awful and disgusting.
He interpreted that as me saying that I hate his family and think they're awful and disgusting. I do not hate his family, I think they're lovely.
We've been together four years, my weak-ass lungs have never been a secret. He has made it so that I won't be able to spend any period of time at his place. I'm hurt, but I feel like an asshole.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
BatHEzT5Y7Ho8Gulpx9gScTRmhp9U1ug
|
anatw6
|
{
"description": "turning off the air at night and my not knowing",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA If I turn off the air at night and my roommate doesn’t know
|
My roommate would prefer the air to be at 74 degrees. I would prefer for it to be at 68 (both for comfort reasons and for cost reasons). My roommate and I talked and agreed to keep the air at 70-71 so that our electricity bill wouldn’t cost as much. It’s mostly remained at 71 because I try to be nice and I know she gets cold.
Well, I at least try. Multiple times now, I’ve caught the air back up to 74 or 73, coming home after weekends away to a super hot apartment. Sometimes even if I’ve been in my room too long she will secretly raise the temperature despite our agreement.
I have tolerated this for about two months now (we made the agreement in November, she began fringing on it in December). For awhile, I would just lower it back down to 71 and move on.
But this week has had nice weather, to the point that without our air on, our apartments temperature has remained at 70 which is pretty damn nice, except she just raised the air to 72 right before bed.
I would feel bad if it wasn’t for the fact she does nothing to help herself. She wears short sleeves in the apartment, no socks. She won’t use blankets or keep her door open at night to allow air to circulate.
I just feel that if she is going to ignore our agreement then I will as well. We had talked about this once and it bothers me that I have to keep talking to her about the air.
So, will I be the asshole if I turn the air off at night (only on warmer nights) without my roommates knowledge?
TLDR: Roommate and I agreed to keep temperature at 71, she keeps turning it up to 74. Am I the asshole if I turn the air off at night?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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mhgX7Kz6H2AqBp2UKgJ2LGzDuYaEReF4
|
9xyq06
|
{
"description": "exposing a girl that used me as a cover for her sexuality for seven months",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for exposing a girl that used me as a cover for her sexuality for seven months?
|
Let me start by first and foremost saying, I did NOT out her or out her sexuality to anyone. Secondly, I’m using a throwaway account because my friends know my actual account. Lastly, I’m on mobile so sorry for shitty formatting :/
For the sake of the story let’s call this girl “Liar 1”
So I met Liar 1 in December of last year and we really hit it off. Same interests, differing in some areas. It was almost perfect, shortly after we began dating. Things were weird at first but it slowly became normal. We were going steady and I THOUGHT we were exclusive, of at-least I was expected to be.
Time passes by and she has to leave to go to a special school. We both knew that we would be breaking up and going separate our ways for quite some time. I was fine breaking up as it was going to happen eventually. Liar 1 handled the situation poorly, breaking up with me over text at 3 am while I was a sleep. She never made any plan to see me in person to talk to me about it or anything, it’s like she died.
I was immensely hurt by this as we had dated for 7 months and I had grown attached (my own fault) never receiving any contact from Liar 1. About 3 months go by of zero contact and one evening she tries to contact me over Instagram. Again, while I was asleep; while I accept it was foolish of me to begin communicating with her again. I originally had her number blocked at the request of a therapist.
We began talking as friends, she was talking about her life at her new school and wouldn’t quite let me get a word in on the conversation. Everything I had to offer about my new life was quickly dismissed Liar 1 even went as far as saying “I don’t care about that” whenever I talked about how my school was doing in activities I’m involved with.
Now her dismissing my personal conversation topics bugged me, NOTHING bothered me more than her shitting on my new friends. She even went as far as to diss her old friends. Calling them a variety of names and being nasty overall.
The conversation upped in awfulness when she told me she was Lesbian and liked a female the entire time that we dated. She also went as far as to say she wished she posted photos of her kissing women to get a rise out of me. Then she goes on to explain that everything she did was just to distract people from her “very obviously gay” sexuality
A few days pass and she decides to come to one of my schools public events to see her friends, the same friends she was talking trash about in the days prior. This didn’t quite sit right with me as she was blatantly lying to her friends saying how much she misses them.
After our conversation she asked me to unblock her number, and I foolishly did so. While at this public event she asked me to speak with her in a public area. I saw this as the last time I’d ever speak to her because I was so hurt about her shitting on my friends and everything we already talked about. The same conversational topics came up and this time she was even more condescending.
I realize I shouldn’t have spoken with her, but here’s where shit hits the fan and leads to me making this post. After her constant barrage of trash talk at my school I finally decided to have enough. I communicated the negative words she had to say about her friends and my friends to them providing them evidence and everything, my friends already didn’t like her because of what she did to me but her friends who she dissed a lot were mad at ME that I said something about. This lead to Liar 1 calling me and screaming and yelling at me about how much of an awful person I am for communicating what she said about everyone to them. I was tired of hearing things from her so I hung up and blocked her on all social media platforms etc
Am I the asshole for exposing her shittiness? Was what I did immoral or undeserved?
#tldr
Shitty ex girlfriend comes back from school to shit on all of her friends and proclaims her sexuality to me and explains how I was used as a fake cover for her sexuality. I exposed all of the shitty things she had to say about her/my friends.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Gf98I1FDjCXaBWhDsdu5N9UWJsxVkzA3
|
aq85o8
|
{
"description": "making a personal social media post about a new family discovery that I was very happy about",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making a personal social media post about a new family discovery that I was very happy about?
|
*I should preface this by saying that my relationships with my much older half sister and her grown daughters are quite strained due to several narcissistic traits I’ve dealt with over the years that have caused me to go very low to no contact with them. I don’t get invited to family events of any kind, don’t get birthday/Christmas wishes, etc. My mom and I are fine most of the time, however she lives with them and can only see me if they let her use one of their cars, so it’s next to impossible to stay close with her when I can’t see her, even though I try to keep up with text often.*
_____________
Long story slightly shortened, I found my biological dad via Ancestry.com and have slowly been reaching out, talking to him and some of his family members, and finally met his wife this past weekend at dinner. In addition to that, we made weekend long plans for a few weeks out to meet his other daughter, so I knew other social media posts would be coming soon, as this is all very exciting to me!!
I should add, my mom knew about the numerous meetings, us talking and making plans, and our dinner out to meet his wife, and seemed fine with it, including sharing fond memories she had of him back then.
So, I felt the desire to share my excitement over being accepted by them, so I made a very respectful post with the photo we took with our significant others at dinner. It mentioned I never knew who he was, which everyone who knows me knew I didn’t know, so this wasn’t some dark family secret. I also reiterated that I never felt like I was missing anything by not knowing him growing up, and had a very happy, fulfilled childhood with just my mom. I would have never looked for him, so this wasn’t some desire to find a new family.
Well apparently I’m a huge asshole according to my entire family because I’ve upset my mother by “making it public” because now “everyone knows she didn’t know who your father was” and “they think he was married” (he wasn't then), and “she’s’ so humiliated about people making these comments”. They hope I’m happy with my “new family” and that I treat them better than I do my “old family”.
Since my profile is very private, the only mutual friends who would have seen it would not have made comments like that. Most of them I’d talked to after the post and they were nothing but supportive, so I’m not even convinced comments were made to my sister like she claims.
I understand that this was highly frowned upon many decades ago, but it’s 2019 now, we have a musical and two movies on this exact premise, so it’s not really a taboo topic these days. These DNA tests are confirming far worse realizations for families that people should probably be embarrassed by, but I don’t see this as being one of them at all. I’ve never felt uncomfortable knowing we didn’t know who my father was, but it was a huge part of my life, how I grew up, and who I grew up to become. To me, it’s not shameful at all. It’s my story.
So AITA for sharing something publicly that involved my mom without telling her about it first?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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P7EszgkoUhoykFKCem3eROKJbAXx8oVc
|
ay7vr3
|
{
"description": "telling my friends husband that it's unethical for him to ride a horse at his weight",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA if I tell my friends husband that it’s unethical for him to ride a horse at his weight?
|
So, my good friend is married to a man, let’s call him Jim, who’s easily pushing 300-350lbs. He’s about 5’8”, and just a huge dude. He’s quite clearly a food addict/binge eater and is both very sensitive about his weight and very unwilling to change any of the habits that have caused him to get to the size he is. I feel for the guy, as someone who’s had issues with food addiction ad BED in the past, I know how much shame and self hate he must feel. I’ve made a point of never bringing up his weight to him or my friend or anyone, but a situation has arisen and I feel that his weight can not be ignored.
Another friend of ours wants us all to go horseback-riding for her birthday. Initially it was just 4 of us gal pals from high school who were invited, but two of the boyfriends also wanted to come so everyone’s SO is getting a default invite.
Jim was talking today in the group chat about how excited he is to go, since he’s never ridden before. My problem is, that I have a serious ethical issue with someone of Jim’s huge size riding a horse. I feel strongly that it’s animal abuse for a horse to be asked to carry more than a maximum of 20% of its weight (this isn’t just a personal opinion, this is backed up by science and professional opinion as well).
I don’t want to fat shame Jim, but I also really feel morally bound to say something to either him, his wife (my friend), or the friend who’s birthday it is. I’m not even sure what I would say to be honest, weight is such a hot button issue, and such a huge source of stigma and judgement. But I can’t endorse animal abuse just for the sake of an obese man’s feelings.
Am I the asshole if I bring this up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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yOqpzO7B5ukS26faq86JZr3exY8HDObB
|
axgmxl
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend's mother that her house is gross",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I told my boyfriend’s mother that her house is gross?
|
This starts November 2017 when my boyfriend (who I will call V) and I start dating [18F & 18M now, for reference]. I go to his house for the first time and it’s kind of gross looking, but I decide to ignore it, thinking, “Maybe it’s just an off week?”, but every time I go there, the house is the same. Papers and trash covering tables, old food and empty bowls/cups sitting on end tables and foot rests, dishes filling the sink, kitchen counter covered in food muck and dirty dishes, bathroom floor, sink, and counter covered in hair, soap scum, and dirt, toilet with brown dirt covering the back, and more. However, I loved V and said nothing about the house. Most of the times I came over, we just stayed in the room that he shares with his brother (still messy, but less so).
As our relationship progressed, I found out whose job it was to clean the house. All mess was left solely to my V’s brother (who I will call T). T is a sweet guy, slightly older than V. However, he has a myriad of problems that make it difficult to stay on task and motivated for long periods of time [Autism, ADHD, auditory processing disorder, depression]. V tells me that their mother pays T money every month to clean because she’s always working and V is busier than T is.
Fast forward to October 2018, I end up moving out of my house and moving in with V and his family. It is with great displeasure that it dawned on me afterwards that I would now be living in previously described mess. At first, I tried to help out. I cleaned the whole kitchen as a sign of gratitude, but it turns out me cleaning hurts T’s feelings because it makes him feel incapable. I have had discussions with V and T several times that this house needs a different cleaning system, and offer every time to pitch in. V has gotten better at cleaning up after himself, but T shuts down any time I mention cleaning and goes down a depressive spiral of self-loathing.
I talk with V about this a lot. He tells me that it’s his mother’s fault; she hasn’t set good standards for T to follow, resulting in his inability to find reason to clean since a) it’s just “normal” for their house to look like this and b) he’s not the one creating her messes (though it’s not like he cleans up after his own). She leaves food everywhere, so does T. She leaves clumps of hair all over the shower, T leaves hair all over the sink. She doesn’t clean up after she cooks, neither does T. She leaves her clothes all over the house, so does T.
I just want a sit down conversation to maybe try something different.
TL;DR: Boyfriend’s mom assigns all house cleaning to T, her son with a myriad of complexities that prevent him from cleaning in the way that’s needed. Half of the house’s mess is hers and the other half is T’s. I don’t know what to do or if/how to bring this up to her, considering she has been gracious enough to let me live with her and has treated me with nothing but kindness.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
YhF07dFq5VMRoBuw8pSeyc6K601fkOxU
|
asen8f
|
{
"description": "thinking that prioritizing my feelings when my friend is getting married does not make me selfish",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for thinking that prioritizing my feelings when my friend is getting married does not make me selfish?
|
So I’m 19f and my best friend throughout highschool is getting married. Last summer we had a big fallout because we have both changed so much and I kind of became a socialist who does my own thing and doesn’t shave and she’s more centrist but is more focused on maturing and building a life with her fiancé and taking care of her brothers kids. I really respect her and what she has gone through because it is so hard but the falling out was hard for us. To accept each other as we are and forgive things that I said.
But fast forward to now. Had some spiff about Airbnb’s which I apologized about because it was my bad. When I talked to her mom to get advice (we were buddies too) about the rift in the relationship and the spat about Airbnb’s, she said I was being selfish and that the priority is to be my friend at all costs. It felt like I was reaching out to talk about the things I’ve gone through and my emotional and mental problems (it’s been a hard year at college for me, financially and with my family) and everyone was like “you’re being selfish, it’s her wedding”.
My friend then sent a message that she can’t be selfless anymore and there is to be NO DRAMA till the wedding. I was also asked to shave my armpits and wear pasties and be on my best behavior (which I agreed to do and I’m fine with it but still think it’s kind of shitty).
I am definitely a self-centered person, I look to help my emotions first, but I never try to harm others and still try to help others. I know my friend is a very good person and is just under a lot of stress.
But AITA for thinking a wedding doesn’t mean I’m this selfish awful person for creating some inconvenience or not covering up my struggles or thinking it’s pretty wack to be asked to shave?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
BVf5GpNiHtZpKTZwj7HVgqtmlA015pOS
|
ahgit8
|
{
"description": "not buying my GF a Gift for her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not Buying My GF a Gift for Her Birthday?
|
About 2 years ago I basically confessed my love for my now gf when we were just friends and she rejected me and said she just got into a relationship with a guy but didn't tell me. I was pretty devastated and all that and cried to her blah blah classic neckbeard type of shit. I also bought her about 1k worth of gifts in that time trying to buy her love towards me, it didn't work but she accepted all the gifts even though she was seeing someone else. For context I'm 22 now and she's 24, a few months ago we reconnected and one thing led to another and we started dating in September. It was her bday yesterday and we went out to this really expensive restaurant like the bill was almost $250 with tip, and I ordered the cheap food and 1 beer and she went all out lol, I didn't mind because she's my GF and its her bday. Later when we got back to my place she was visibly sad and I asked her whats wrong and she said that its her birthday and I didn't get her anything. At this point I pulled out a card I got her which I wrote a lot in saying how much I love her and everything which I really do I've loved her for years. And she opened it up and was thankful about being taken out to dinner and getting a card but she said she thought I'd actually get her something. I was kinda shocked because a nice dinner and a card is pretty good gift? Anyways it looked like she got over it quick and she left happy the next morning, but then after her sister texts me saying it was dickish not buying her a gift and I should buy something to make up for it.
​
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
k8dhUE5GJVcbGiOqC5QBKKgN2UWP84Ee
|
ablttb
|
{
"description": "calling the police and filing a report on some kids",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA for calling the police and filing a report on some kids?
|
So, for about the past week these two kids have been riding an ATV up and down my street, and assuming the rest of the neighborhood. This normally would be totally fine with me except in this circumstance these kids are riding im excess of the speed limit (20 mph), they appear to be young (im guessing 14 and 12 years old) or at least not old enough to have a license, the ATV isn't registered, they are riding around with headphones on, and they have absolutely no safety gear on (no helmet, no gloves, hell not even a reflective vest!).
This is extremely dangerous! And very neglectful of the parents to even let their children do something so reckless. ATVs, while they are fun, are not toys! They are motor vehicles capable of traveling in excess of 50 mph! I don't want to file a report to get them in trouble, I am just worried about their safety. All it takes is one spill to lose your life, I would hate to be in my garage working and hear the squeal of some tires or a loud crash and have to see someone poor child laid out on the road.
Normally, I wouldn't get involved in other people's business, but this just feels so dangerous that I can't help but feel like I need to contact someone who could assert some authority and maybe prevent a terrible accident.
Im actually going to call the police now because they are now driving by dangerously close to other children playing in the streets, taunting and showing their middle finger as they drive by. Am I the asshole? Or is my worry valid?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
Py2mhuaFcZKYrBQx1rXLdm1a4gfEFxDB
|
avb6ap
|
{
"description": "telling my younger friend she doesn't have the mental illness that she shares on the net",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA I told my younger friend she doesn't have the mental illness that she shares on the net.
|
Background- We have been friends for 8 years and we have had our ups and downs of course she's a bit younger then I am let's call her Lani for now.
-THIS IS SUPER LONG IM SORRY!
So she's always been a lil hard to be around because she was raised different, which is understandable. She was raised as an only child who was quite spoiled. Im a middle child and it was either money being spent on my big sisters shopping habits or my lil brothers toys. Which I'm not complaining I love my siblings to death. Anyways me and Lani had certain disagreements, mostly when it came to her phases. As kids and teens it's normal to go through phases but it was just too much with Lani. First it was her "gay" phase (I'm bisexual so I'm not saying gay in a mean way) I have no problem with being proud but she was extravagant. The "if you aren't gay I don't like you" type. It was the only thing about her at the time her personality: Gay, Hobbies: Being Gay ect. It was just her default nothing about her stood out anymore and I told her "The reason I don't hang out with you anymore is because I don't want to sit around and talk about how gay you are." I know a little harsh but shit it was sad to watch a creative being become a literal label. She did end up agreeing with me sooner or later. (She's pansexual now she says and I don't mind because she also has more to say then that ha) then she thought she was a boy (sensitive topic I know but they claim they are female now/ also I'm not transphobic my boyfriend of a 2 years is trans) but the thing is she never had dysphoria or had ever brought up wanting to be a boy and she told me everything. She decided to come out as trans and in a weeks time "I want to change me name" "when can I get on T?" "Ugh I want my boobs gone ewww" "my mom won't buy me boy clothes what a bitch!" This time I was like oh bloody hell. I told her "do what you will but please think before you make drastic changes" in a month "I'm not trans I'm just changing lol" ugh if another phase happens I'm gonna just stop trying I said to myself. And behold the latest trending phase Lani has presented.
She claims she has DID which is a personality disorder. At first I was like okay this kind of makes sense so I didn't think she was bullshitting so I just made sure she got properly diagnosed. It's been 5 months now she owns a ig page fairly popular and has over 30 alters or personalities. I have I hard time talking to her because she just blames anything she says on her other personalities. She went to a therapist and they said she doesn't gave it but she continues to say she does. Am I the asshole for telling her she's lying to herself and she's in denial?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
xdgsDOWMTifuR0xbGkHFwp18rrM2ArRX
|
agqitv
|
{
"description": "kicking a girl out after hooking up after a 1st date",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For kicking a girl out after hooking up after a 1st date?
|
Went on a date with this girl last night it was going extremely well and after we finished eating and bowling I asked if she wanted to come to my place for drinks/dessert. I'm 22 she's 19 for context, she says yeah and we're in the uber making out and I tell her after we hook up she has to leave because I have a big day at work the next day and I'm gonna be up at like 5:30 so need a few hours of sleep at least. She says yeah thats fine and I even say I'll pay for her uber back home. After we're done banging, I say hey take your time freshening up and shower or whatever you want and let me know when you're ready and I'll order the uber. She looks really sad at this point and just tells me to order it now and she'll wait for it in the lobby of where I live and looked super pissed. I say ahh alright np and she storms out, the uber was $50 btw in addition to the food drinks at the bowling place which I all paid for happily. I get a text at lunch when I'm at work saying I'm a dick, asshole, cunt little boy, not a man, etc from her for kicking her out and she says the sex was bad because I only lasted like 15 mins (thats long for me LOL). I didn't respond yet but am I really a dick in this scenario?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
nTUJ0nstbXwGL4tbKeKqokfh7AENMKLX
|
atelxx
|
{
"description": "not helping my friend on a test",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not helping my friend on a test?
|
So basically the way it is, is that my friend was in danger to repeat the class multiple times, and when things got REALLY BAD I helped him basically cheat and copy from me during tests. (in the last few tests I got 100, so I was on a lucky streak) This time around I wanted him to do stuff on his own, so I stood 2 places farther away then him this time. I saw him struggle during the test but I wanted him to do it on his own. I ended up geting 90 and he got 40 and he needs to get 70 on the next one to pass. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
xoNvesiD9lJYgDmPmL3u5b52uXpgq1OY
|
b11fz7
|
{
"description": "feeling uncomfortable about my bf and his family's involvement with the ex",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling uncomfortable about my bf and his family's involvement with the ex?
|
Throwaway account. The background is that my bf and I are both in our early 30s, been dating a little over 6 months. He has 3 kids, I have 1. We have never met each other’s friends, family, or kids yet. I have been divorced almost 4 years. He has been living separate from and been separated from his wife for over 2 years, but they are just now officially getting divorced. This is a big point of issues for us, as I feel uncomfortable with him being legally married. I was aware of this when we first met, but once I voiced my concerns, he said it would be done immediately. Well, fast forward, and here we are 6 months later. However, it does seem to appear that they are actually working on this at this point. Anyway, my family members are either deceased or I have a distant relationship with them. I am kind of solo in the world. I feel really hesitant to meet my bf’s family because it seems like they’re all still so involved with her “ex” wife. The “ex” wife and one of his sisters work together. Every morning, the ex drops off their kids at his mom’s house, picks up his sister, and they go to work together. Then she takes her home, gets the kids, and goes home. He sees the ex daily. His brother is always doing various favors for her. He always tells me that he himself (bf) has “nothing to do with her” but I don’t see how he can seriously say that. I am not the type of person who thinks you can dictate others’ relationships. I would never say or think, hey, she can’t talk to your family. I just feel profoundly uncomfortable. It seems like they are all so close. Where would a new person fit into that? I have never dealt with a situation like this before. Am I the asshole for feeling uncomfortable about this? I dated a single divorced dad in the past, and although he remained close to his ex’s family (her mother and brother), it seemed like he had better boundaries. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I’m trying to figure it out myself. I guess I just don’t see where I fit in and it makes me insecure.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
0PI1hlkUMgtaoALwenKtv0bmOLFp3xaZ
|
ao9ux0
|
{
"description": "having sex with my wife",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for having sex with my wife
|
Well this is a difficult one to write because I can already see what some of the answers are going to be, and that’s okay because I’ll accept anything I am given.
A few months ago my wife and I had decided we should split up, for various reasons that I won’t say here and we are still living together. A few things had been happening and she wasn’t taking them very well and the best way she found to deal with it was getting drunk excessively and often.
One day after I had come home from work she seemed a little tipsy, and was sitting in our living room. I sat down by her to talk and ask about her night, and other various conversation topics that I don’t really remember. She then started to make out with me and insisted that she wanted to have sex, which wouldn’t be the first time we’ve had sex with one of us being drunk. I had pushed her away and said no multiple times but she wasn’t taking that for an answer and was being very pushy so we eventually ended up having sex.
The next morning when we both had woken up she asked if we had sex the night before, and after telling her that we did all she really said was “cool”. She later informed me that she had found some strong prescription painkillers and had taken some, and thus could not remember anything. I did not feel great about what happened but she never brought any issues up with me so I didn’t think there were any.
I have now learned that she has told multiple people about what happened and that I had taken advantage of her. I am absolutely devastated because I thought everything was going well with us lately being friends and helping each other while dating others, and I really did not know his was how she felt until she brought it up the other day. I truly wish she would have spoken to me about this being an issue instead of telling others, but I am trying to be understandable since I know it’s not the easiest to talk to the individual you have an issue with.
I know I should have stood by my initial answer of no and ignored her advances, but I didn’t even realize she had taken any medication and her actions really weren’t all that weird compared to normal. I am also not looking for validation from people saying that it wasn’t my fault or anything, I really just want other opinions on this whole situation because it really doesn’t make me feel good and she doesn’t seem to want to talk about it with me.
Tl;Dr: I had sex with my wife while she was on strong prescription painkillers which I didn’t know about, and she is telling people that I took advantage of her after she initiated sex.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
bD2eoul5L5aLuFxGYAbYKMKkXHnLK887
|
a5phbh
|
{
"description": "ghosting a message from an old colleague",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting a message from an old colleague?
|
The other day I got a FB message from a girl I worked with nearly 3 years ago. We worked together for about 3 months or so. We were friends at the time, but we wouldn't hang out outside of work functions and I went to her birthday. Someone let me know at the time that she had a thing for me but I wasn't interested at all. She has a very abrasive sense of humour that essentially involves insulting someone then laughing at her own joke. She is a bit of a bully but in a way that isn't overtly bullying.
Flash forward to a few days ago and I get a message from her out of the blue on fb. I'm not at all interested in catching up with her so I left the message on unread. Should I say something? AITA?
Thanks
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
eBb2SEu7q2kZmwVtueKuaqRVXVOoHrSP
|
ag0wc6
|
{
"description": "being mad at my sister for leaving me alone with too much (literal) weight on my shoulders at the gym",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my sister for leaving me alone with too much (literal) weight on my shoulders at the gym?
|
I was at the gym with my sister who is much stronger than I am, and she wanted me to try a new workout where you put a bar weighing 60 pounds on your shoulders. I agreed, only if she’d help me put it on my shoulders and take it off again because I’m not strong enough. I did as many reps as I could, then looked to her for help, and she was nowhere to be found. I struggled for a couple of minutes and eventually some random guy at the gym came and helped me get the weight off. When she came back she said she saw a friend and forgot she needed to help me. I was mortified and angry and told her to fuck off, which made her so upset she said she didn’t want to go to the gym with me. Did I overreact? Is she overreacting? I apologized but she says it’s unforgivable, but I feel like I should be the one waiting for her apology.. help me out!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
qAiZzNaWpM2zjgHm5iANSdqGN5tWwzso
|
abyjfv
|
{
"description": "not agreeing with sharing the total costs of a bill that included an error in one of my friends' and my favor with my two friends after agreeing to each go dutch",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for not agreeing with sharing the total costs of a bill that included an error in one of my friends' and my favor with my two friends after agreeing to each go Dutch?
|
Going Dutch means each paying for their own meals. I am Dutch (this way of paying for dinners is normal in the Netherlands) and shared a dinner with two French friends. We finished our meals and received the bill. We noticed the waiter forgot one of our meals, and this meant that we were faced with two options. Either we're honest and tell the waiter that she made a mistake and pay for all of the meals, or we just pay the bill and pretend we didn't see.
​
If we agreed to not go Dutch and each pay one third of the meal, there wouldn't be a dilemma, but there was. Let me explain. One of my french friends decided to go and order a much more expensive meal than what I ordered, the other friend ordered the same dish as I did (so, same price). Remember: We agreed to go Dutch before ordering. When we saw the bill, we noticed that the waiter forgot to push the "2x" button on my and my friend's cheaper meals. So let's say we went from a €35 (10+10+15 euros) bill to a €25 bill (10+15). We sort of decided as a group to not mention the error and pay the bill with the lucky mistake (€25). But then the friend who ordered the expensive meal suggested we still go Dutch (on the drinks and dessert), but we don't go Dutch on the meals, and split the €25 between the three of us. We'd each pay \~€8,33 then, which, to be fair, is lower than each of us expected to pay when ordering.
​
However I think it's very opportunistic of the friend to suggest this. I think that if you make an agreement, you should stick to it. Me and the friend who ordered the same meal as I did got lucky, the other friend didn't. The very reason the mistake was made was that the same meal was ordered and the waiter probably forgot to push on the meal on their touch screen twice. What my first suggestion was, was to share the 10 euros we had to pay for the cheaper meal amongst the two of us (who ordered the cheap meal). This way we both had to pay 5 euros, and the other friend 15 euros. After a short discussion my friend who chose the cheap meal chose to pick the other friend's side and split the bill evenly between the three of us. And so we did.
​
I still felt bitter about it though, and we kept discussing it afterwards. At some point I even suggested going back to the restaurant, telling the waiter about the mistake, pay for the forgotten meal and reallocate the money so that in the end we would have gone Dutch.
​
We didn't do that though. Now I know that the Dutch are known for being greedy and cheap bastards, but I'm still not sure whether my suggestion was the better way to deal with the issue. Of course we should have chosen to be honest and tell the waiter that she made a calculation error in the first place. You don't need to tell me that. I am interested though in what your opinion is, which side would you have chosen, and... uhm... am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
WRONG
|
2GxavHTxJdg3lX6SRNnByRy43AV94c7f
|
b6tkxq
|
{
"description": "saying no to my mom for not wanting to go to her boyfriend's house after he abused me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying no to my mom for not wanting to go to her boyfriend’s house after he abused me
|
Not two start the story off I’m going to therapy for this don’t worry now this all happened while I was ten and my mom forcefully read the Bible to me just because she thought I was with the devil and was going to hell when she finished a chapter she said “do you understand” I nodded because I do that when I don’t wanna talk and her boyfriend grabbed me by the arm and twisted it behind my back and yelled at me saying “she said did you understand that shit isn’t gonna work over here like it does at your grandparents house” I said yes and left the room this happened a lot and I didn’t tell anybody for a year then this happened one time
I was playing left for dead 2 when he comes up to me and punches me in the gut and kicks me while I’m down and my mom just stood there and said “you’ll be fine” then after another year I snapped and told my grandparents and they never let me over there anymore then last Friday my mom asked me if I wanted to come over and hangout then I snapped at her I said “no I don’t want to every time you say that you ignore me and hang out with you asshole boyfriend frankly you’re the worst mom ever and my grandparents are like my parents” so I have a question am I the asshole (ps I haven’t told my dad)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zMMcgJotHuIjb12YbaybBimRQ8C3oRN4
|
9zbmu8
|
{
"description": "wanting to keep my spot in line",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to keep my spot in line?
|
So, this happened last year while in Detroit for a Fleet Foxes concert. I drove up there with my girlfriend at the time and arrived a few hours early, so we decided to kill some time before the concert started. Once it got close to time for the doors to open, we decided to head down to the venue.
Once we got there, we noticed that even though we were 45 minutes early for the show to begin, there was already a large line of 50 or so people waiting to get in. So, as any normal person would do (at least in my mind), my girlfriend and I got in line behind everyone else.
It only took a few moments after we stepped in line before people started filling in behind us, as it was getting closer to showtime. After about 5 more minutes, I see these two younger girls, about mid-twenties, approach the two people in front of us. They proceed to ask if they would mind if they cut in line. The two people in front of us, also girls, said they wouldn't mind and looked behind while quietly asking aloud if anyone else would mind.
This is when I piped up and said that yes, we would mind if they cut in line, as we had gotten there before them and had been waiting in line a long time. Adding the fact that they had not even bothered to ask the other people behind them, who had been waiting just as long. Normally, I wouldn't have felt it was such a big deal but the audacity of these two girls thinking that they can just show up whenever they felt like it and shouldn't expect to have to wait in line like everyone else just really pissed me off. I also had a few beers before we got there, so that definitely made things worse. The girls then got looks on their faces that could only be described as a mix of annoyance and pure astonishment.
They then proceeded to chide me about how it was not that big of a deal and how they could not believe that I wasn't okay with this. I just reminded them of the fact of how long we've all been waiting and pointed out that it is extremely rude and inconsiderate to think that they could just show up whenever they wanted and expect to not have to wait like the rest of us.
After seeing that I wouldn't back down over this, they eventually started making their way to the back of the line, as the crowd started making their way into the building. The two girls in front of us made some comment that I couldn't hear but could only assume was about me being an ass or something along those lines. I then asked my girlfriend later on whether or not I was in the right and she wasn't so sure and felt that it wasn't that big of a deal to let them cut in front of us. This made me feel like I was in the wrong about the situation and should've just let them go ahead of us. AITA?
TL;DR: Waited in a long line. Girls asked to cut in front. Said no. Was made to feel like an asshole
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
W8ZsvFrVnCFPlcWjt5yCdoJIvg6ljdMy
|
ah4h5p
|
{
"description": "cutting off my best friend for hanging out with a rapist",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting off my best friend for hanging out with a rapist?
|
My friend and I go back for years. We always had each other's back in high school and now we're in college. She recently broke up with her boyfriend and went back into modelling/instagram photoshoots which is fine, I'm happy for her but there is this one specific photographer she shot with.
I really don't know where to start. This photographer and I matched on tinder and he was super charming and sweet so we followed each other on Instagram but then I received messages from his ex girlfriend as a warning that this man is dangerous. He has beaten her, he has raped her, he has twins with her and does not pay support or spend time with his children at all. He is a psychopath basically. She did not send any proof at all about her side of the story but I still listened and thanked her for it. She and I had one mutual follower/friend so I asked him for confirmation and he confirmed the story and told me to stay away from this guy. I later tell my best friend because woah that's so wild and scary. She follows him on Instagram even after I tell her he's been charged with assault and sexual assault. She said that she wouldn't talk to him and just 'liked his aesthetic'. Ok.
I later receive a document from other girls he's been talking to and they all have the same theory of the photographer being dangerous but this time there's proof with photos of bite marks, bruises, cuts, etc. It was pretty bad I sent it to my best friend. The photographer and ex girlfriend were both toxic to one another but that's their business and doesn't matter because I'll just stay the fuck away.
My best friend does not. She "ran" into him as this mall with him, another photographer and model. She posts photos of it and I explode on her. Telling her about how he's dangerous and she shouldn't be hanging out with him but then she says that she didn't know hanging out with him supported what he did/does. Literally she could've been hurt or raped. She doesn't know this guy personally, that was the first time they met up. She kept saying she was really careful and stayed with others. I have personally experienced being sexually assaulted and it still happened with my friends around so I literally just took it as a naive girl trying to push it under the rug. She knew what he did and does and stayed. I can't control her and not trying to but especially after the break up, nobody is there to help her realize that she just placed herself in a dangerous situation. Am I wrong or an asshole for cutting her out of my life? I can't see or feel the same about her or our friendship knowing she wants to associate herself with a rapist. It is her decision but it's me or him kinda deal.
Tldr; friend hung out with confirmed abuser and rapist, I don't want to be associated with that
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
qEf8G2SFaASEqRtPWlD5X1HkglbNslED
|
apvdjj
|
{
"description": "being mad at my boyfriend for not showing up to the hospital and not letting me know anything yet",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being mad at my boyfriend for not showing up to the hospital and not letting me know anything yet?
|
I was admitted last night and he was very concerned now it's almost noon here and I haven't heard a peep. Kinda starting to get mad because I was with him anytime he was in the E.R. and he said he'd come see me today but hasn't messaged me and hasn't answered his phone.
He doesn't work during the day due to being on disability for legal blindness. I just think that he could show me the common courtesy to at least tell me what is going on and why he hasn't shown up yet. I mean I get it if he can't find a ride yet but at least let me know you know? So am I the asshole for being mad?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
1V6Q9CsSyxnyC6YoorPZuc9dkJbYCn21
|
b27z5f
|
{
"description": "wanting to back out of a prom date",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to back out of a prom date?
|
So I’m 19, I graduated from high school last year and recently I got an invitation from my co-worker to go to prom with her.
Working in the same department for about a year now we’ve grown close over the past couple of months. Not in the “lovey” kind of close but rather just simply as friends. Anyways over the past couple of months every now and then the topic of prom would be brought up and she would generally just talk to me about her plans really. Things like what dress she’s gonna ware, if she wants to rent a limo or not, you know stuff like that. But most Importantly who she’s gonna go with. She doesn’t have a boyfriend or anything so she would talk to me about her guy friends and try to get my opinion on them and see if she should ask them. (I went to the same school as her last year so I know most of the people she talks about.)
Anyways she never really told me but I imagine she never found anyone to go with as the other day she asked me if I could go with her. I knew the lengths she’d gone thus far to try and get a date so when she asked me to go with her I said yes. But now I’m starting to regret it. It’s not that I don’t wanna go with her specifically it’s just I’m not really the most sociable person so I’m kinda nervous about going to a party with people I knew last year. To give context I have some serious social anxiety so I’m already nervous going to a party with a lot of people, let alone people I don’t associate with anymore.
Anyways lemme know what you guys think. Should I back out? Or should I just pull through?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
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