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{
"description": "telling a person I'm dating that dinner with their family was uncomfortable",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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}
|
AITA for telling a person i’m dating that dinner with their family was uncomfortable?
|
I have been seeing this girl (we’ll call her Alison) for about 2 weeks. It’s been absolutely great the whole time. We have not gotten to the point where I have asked her to be my girlfriend, but we have spent basically every day together on dates and it’s pretty much felt like a normal relationship.
Today however, was a different story. I have been on a road trip with two friends and one of them is a mutual friend with Alison. She invited us over to have dinner with her family onthe way back.
When we get there, we meet the family. Except there’s no introductions from Alison so it was a bit awkward. I took the initiative to introduce myself to everyone after it was clear they were not going to introduce themselves.
Then Alison answers a call and it’s her guy friend from school. She takes the phone into the kitchen and starts talking loudly about an event that he wants her to compete in and rep his company. This entire time, we’re all silently sitting at the dinner table listening to the conversation.
After the call, we eat dinner. Everyone in the family eats as fast as humanly possible and just kinda sits there. Me and my friends keep asking the mom, dad, and sister questions and they respond, but the conversation dies because they don’t further it. This goes on for almost 2 hours with plenty of intermittent awkward silence. Alison is across the table texting for a lot of the dinner. Finally, the dinner ends and we get up and start cleaning up. I realized then that no one had asked me a single question. No one had asked any of us three a single question. I could’ve been from the fucking moon and they wouldn’t have known. It was a really uncomfortable 2 hours.
Outside, she tells me she thought dinner was kinda awkward. She suggested maybe it was because everyone was tired. I was definitely tired, but I asked questions and was attentive and friendly as can be. I agreed for the sake of being polite, my friend and I got in the car and drove home
In the car, my friend agreed that it was incredibly weird.
When I got home, i texted her saying i made it home alright. She asked how the night was and I was honest with her. I told her I felt it was uncomfortable for me to be there. I also said that I felt as though I was invisible, no one cared to ask anything; It was almost as if we were a burden to them but they offered the dinner. I asked if it was something to do with our dating status.
She responded saying that she was deeply hurt that I would disrespect her family like that and that my accusations were misguided. She also said neither her nor her family thought it was awkward, which was the exact opposite of what she said earlier and that also infers that she told her family about my text. She also said he had not told her family about me at all. Which is fine because we aren’t official.
Am I the asshole for telling a girl that her family wasn’t welcoming and made me feel uncomfortable?
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{
"description": "complaining about stinky coworker",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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}
|
WIBTA for complaining about stinky coworker?
|
For some background, I’m essentially a glorified 1:1 in-home caregiver, with 2 clients to the home in this case. We generally do our own thing, but it’s a shared space.
My coworker for one shift literally smells like, idk a months-old sweaty piss bottle, *all the time*. Their step-mother is a peer in the company as well, and I’ve overheard her trying to talk to them about it on the phone a few times, but it’s still 100% always an issue. Like, it’s not just that they smell so bad you don’t want to be around them, they smell so bad the whole room STANKS for around 10-15 minutes after they’ve left it. It’s almost gag-inducing, and I regularly clean up actual human waste without issue. Even my client will occasionally refuse to enter common rooms for a good 10 minutes after they’ve been in there. I understand people have their own health and hygiene stuff going on sometimes (and I don’t always smell like roses myself) but man, I’ve honestly never encountered such a... flagrantly fragrant... person before (and I’ve been to smash bros tournaments).
I don’t want to be an asshole and I’m pretty uncomfortable with even bringing it up but seriously, I don’t know what else to do at this point. I feel like someone needs to say something, I can’t imagine their client exactly appreciates it either.
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{
"description": "writing off my sister for poor life choices",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for writing off my sister for poor life choices?
|
To start my sister and I are only a year apart and shes been my best friend our entire lives. I was the family fuck up and she loved and helped me through a lot of my stupid mistakes. The bulk of which being a stoner who's been arrested for it and being pretty bad w money. I owe my success today largely to her. She always held it down. Saved every penny, went to college and would give the shirt off her back if someone needed it.
Shes been with my brother in law for 8 years and married for 3 of them. They were what I considered to be how a relationship should be. Recently she comes out as bi and demands a divorce. To be clear I always knew my sister was gay and could care less. Its specifically this person that I cannot stand my sister wasting her time and money on.
She met a girl on a stupid app called pen pal. She lives in a ghetto in Delaware. Makes no money, has 2 kids she doesnt have custody of and lived with people for free until she was recently kicked out. My sister has drained her savings to see/support this person. My sister actually came to me telling me that this girl is bad news and she needs to break it off. As soon as she did that she gets a call saying shes been stabbed. Come to find out the chick is just cutting herself. And what does my sister do? Goes right back to it.
Am I the asshole for calling my sister a puppet and being 100% against her decisions going forward with this piece of shit?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "having someone over",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for having someone over?
|
I (F) recently moved into a flat with an old friend (F), we've been here for a month or so and it's going really well so far. Happy to hang out, but also happy to do our own thing.
I'm a bit of a serial dater (I like meeting people, though haven't had a real spark in a while) but have never been comfortable bringing people back to my old house because I lived with my nan. I'm not planning on having a conveyor belt of people come in and out, but I'd like to be able to have someone back occasionally.
I was meant to be going out for a drink with a guy I'd been out with before, but on the way home he told me he had to stay late at work and wouldn't get to the pub until about 8, which seemed quite late to head out to me (it was a weekday and I like to go to bed at an appropriate time 😅). Instead he suggested coming to mine and bringing some wine.
I checked with my roommate when I got home if it would be ok and if not then I would go out to meet him. She said sure, but if I ever want the flat to myself then let her know and she can go to her mum's for the evening. I said thanks but I didn't want to kick her out of her home.
He came over and we were at the breakfast bar having some wine and chatting, while she had a shower and then went to her room. I thought that being in the communal area would be less weird than us going to my bedroom. It wasn't my initial intention, but it got late and he ended up staying over.
The next day after he leaves my flatmate says that she's annoyed that I had him over and that she couldn't sleep and felt uncomfortable having a stranger in the house.
AITA for having him over?
I don't want her being uncomfortable, but also I want to be comfortable in my home too and that includes having people over. And do girls count as strangers, or are they ok? What about if it's purely platonic?
I felt like shit after and she didn't come home that evening, but I feel like it wasn't that big of a deal.
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{
"description": "getting hurt that my girlfriend doesn't seem to prioritise meeting up for our anniversary",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting hurt that my girlfriend doesn't seem to prioritise meeting up for our anniversary?
|
Some background: My girlfriend is really busy. Like, really busy. She barely has a free day during the week, but her Saturdays are completely free usually. I don't really get to see her outside of school.
Well, we'll be together for 2 years on the 23rd. For the past few weeks, i asked her a couple of times if she wanted to meet up the Saturday/Friday before our anniversary, because she's busy on Sunday (our actual anniversary). She kept telling me she'd check, but she never did.
Last week I asked her to check if we can meet (her parents really need to know that stuff in advance and stuff), and she said that she doesn't know if she should check because her mom's birthday is on the 25th and they might do something for that.
Yesterday I asked her again because my family asked me if I wanted to go somewhere together on Saturday, so I needed to know if we were meeting up. She seemed to get kind of mad at me and annoyed, and said that she already told me that she probably can't meet.
Am I the asshole for feeling like she doesn't care about our anniversary as much as I do? It might seem pretty dumb, but she means the world to me and I want to know if I did something wrong.
tl;dr I got hurt that my girlfriend doesn't seem to care about our anniversary as much as I do. Wondering if I'm in the wrong here.
|
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a8n988
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{
"description": "getting angry at my best friend for not inviting me to their birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my best friend for not inviting me to their birthday party?
|
Keep in mind that I am younger than most people on reddit (in my teens) so this story might not be as relatable to you
So, around 2 weeks ago on Sunday my good friend (not the one mentioned above) told me that one of their friends went to my best friends house that Saturday for his birthday and was wondeeing why I wasn’t there. Now, I was confused because I had heard nothing about this so I asked them who went and apparently it was all of his friends apart from me.
I messaged my best friend who’s birthday it was calmly on Discord because I didn’t want to be angry at him if it was just a misunderstanding, but he never replied to me, so I messaged him and my other best friend who was also at the party on snapchat so I could see if they had opened it and were just ignoring me, and sure enough that was the case.
So the next day I was in school and confronted one of the people there and was asking them questions about it and it was abundantly clear that it was a party and that they were invited over and that I wasn’t supposed to know that it was happening.
Of course that was my boiling point, and I messaged them angrily saying to them that I thought they were my friends and that what they did was a horrible thing to do to me, as we have been very very close friends for about 4 years now.
My friend who had their birthday responded and told me that they didn’t ask me to go because ‘they didn’t think that I liked two people who were going (which wasnt true) and that one of the people going didn’t like me either which really shouldn’t have mattered since I am closer to my friend than they are and if they were the one with the problem with me then they should have been told that it’s their choice to go or not as I was being invited regardless.
It doesn’t stop there!
The day after I messaged them, my other best friend who didn’t respond to my second message showed all my messages to all of the people that were at the party and more, probably to make fun of me and to gain the respect of his fellow party-goers who seem to be replacing me.
In order not to make drama, i invited the two gentlemen into my fine establishment for a night over to settle our differences and to make it up to each other (settle it in SMASH) and gave them a week time-frame of when they could come over, but they both said that they would have to see what they were doing even though we are all hermits with little social life outside of school so the chance of them being busy for a whole week when we don’t even have school is almost impossible, so I am thinking that they are both just making excuses so they don’t have to go, even though I much prefer honesty to deceit.
The main reason I don’t just cut them out is because we have been so close and it’s out of character to do something like this, and because we have a school trip abroad coming up, and I don’t have anybody else to do anything with that are going on it. I also can’t get my deposit back, so I am dreading it. After the trip I will tell them it’s up to them if they want to be friends with me or not because I have always put 100% into our friendship by organising every event and always including everybody by trying to get the best dates, etc, and they put the bare minimum into it which I was content with because I didn’t really have any other friends at the time (since I skipped a year in school and left them in the year behind me I have since gained many way better friends that actually care about me)
And so far, that is pretty much it. The only thing since then that had happened is when I asked one of them if they were available to go again to which they didn’t reply, only furthering my suspicions.
I don’t like being persistent, but it’s hard not to when they don’t communicate at all.
So AITA for being angry with them over all of this? I know the rules say not to ask for advice which isn’t what i’m doing, but feel free to leave any if you think it will help
Thanks for reading my text block rant! I’ll update this post if anything else happens.
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{
"description": "asking my mom for the college money that she saved for me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking my Mom for the college money that she saved for me?
|
As I was growing up, my parents saved money for me to go to college. As I was looking at colleges with my Mom, she told me that if I happened to have any money left over in my college account, it would be mine. I would be able to use it to help buy a house or a car or something once I've graduated college. My mom told me this about 1-2 years ago. I distinctly remember the conversation like it was last week, as I wasn't expecting her to give me the money that was leftover. I thought it was just for college expenses.
Fast forward to now. I've moved out of home, and into an apartment. I'm still receiving some financial help from my mom for my car, and we're pulling from my college fund to pay half of rent during the months that I'm taking classes full-time. My college is also significantly cheaper than we had originally planned, for other reasons outside the scope of this post.
My Mom and girlfriend recently went out to dinner, and my Mom mentioned how it would be nice to use my leftover college money for my sister. My sister is planning on attending a private college, and she's going for her doctorate. Her schooling is going to be significantly more expensive compared to mine, although this is completely my sister's choice.
Upon hearing this, I was frustrated because my mom had promised that money to me, and I've held that idea in the back of my head for some time. When I was talking to my mom about it, she completely went off the rails and got super mad. First, she claims that she doesn't remember having the conversation when she promised the money to me. She also said that since she's the one that saved the money she can do what she wants with it, and she's trying to do everything she can to help my sister graduate without student loans, just like she did for me. She also says that she doesn't want to waste the money by using it on non-college expenses, as it will be taxed at an absurd rate.
I have been incredibly grateful that my parents saved this money for me, and they even covered my community college costs out of pocket so that there would be more money left for university. At the last minute I had to switch schools, and the school that I'm going to is significantly cheaper, plus I received a small scholarship.
AITA for asking for the leftover money still? We had a pretty big fight over it last night.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "getting mad at my friend over inappropriate pictures",
"pronormative_score": 32,
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}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friend over inappropriate pictures?
|
So. I’m a dude and a photographer (hobby. Not professionally) and I think I do alright and take some good pictures. And a bunch of my friends come to me for advice on pictures (usually girls wanting advice on selfies) which I’m happy to give. It’s usually little tweaks that make everything look better. Sometimes a little editing in photoshop or Lightroom. They get a better pic. I get a little mental exercise in my favorite hobby. Win win. The only thing I ask is that if the photo is a little explicit or lewd or anything. That they ask me permission before the send it for help. Because I have anxiety and random unexpected sexy pics set it off like a match in a gasoline refinery. A vast majority of my friends respect this. But one of my female friends really doesn’t. And she just sends them with no warning or prior conversation most of the time. And asks for help or just to get my opinion. And it makes me really really uncomfortable. Especially if I’m in public. Well this came to a head the other day when she sent six lewd photos rapid fire and asked for help on all of them. And I was just sick of it. I warned her every single time she did this before and explained that it made me uncomfortable but she didn’t care or forgot. I sent her a long paragraph telling her she needs to stop this immediately and she was making me very uncomfortable and making me not want to be her friend and just block her. And she got upset and accused me of being bigoted because she was on the heavier side and I “don’t care when I get photos like this from PRETTY AND THIN girls.” Which is a lie. I get uncomfortable if I’m not asked permission first. Because if I get a warning. I can ready myself and also get my phone to a safe place if I’m in public. But I really feel like a dick now that she’s mad at me. Was I wrong to get upset at her and kinda berate her over text about it?
|
HISTORICAL
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a09rwm
| null |
AITA, is two dogs too many or am i just a hardass?
|
Okay, its 3am and this is a throwaway account but i really need to get some different points of view because i am about to crack. GF Uses reddit so if she sees this i guess the worst thing would be she sees it from my side (*or i get fucking dumped so eh*)
Storytime:
​
I am 19m with my 18f girlfriend. We are going on three years now and live pretty close to each other, though i spend a lot of time at her Mother's house because it is literally down the road. Anyway, we have to go back about one year ago. She's been raving about moving out for a long time and *really* hates living at her mothers and her Dad's is a little bit better but smaller and doesn't allow pets. We decided at the time we would like to give living at her Dad's a go because it is cleaner, located in a better place and would most likely help us get on our feet to move on to our own place faster. She is at this time working a job she hates and i was a student but looking for casual work so were quite far away from moving out properly. Now, here is where things get a bit interesting because her mum has two dogs already and had been telling my GF she couldn't get her own dog for a couple of months before this since she had been asking for some time. Low and behold the second she finds out that GF and i want to move to the Dad's place all of a sudden she tells GF she *can* get a dog if she stays.
​
Obviously, we end up staying at her mums. I am pretty pissed and make it known because this was supposed to be our way forwards and she chose a dog over it. So all the issues of course dont go away and things get a little heated between us for a while because i was upset that she just let her mum do that etc etc, but over time we still get on with it. This dog is pretty cute anyway and he is small and well mannered, keep in mind i have never been much of a dog person (no shit i guess). The dog sleeps in the bed, i hate this. The dog gets it's meals fully planned out and she feeds it better than she feeds herself. The dog gets hair and dirt all through *everything* which is something that at one point made me have a mini breakdown. I'm not OCD or by any means a germaphobe but is it understandable i dont like waking up in bed smelling like shit with pieces of dirt and hair all around me. GF constantly refers to me as it's Dad which while it makes me cringe and feel uncomfortable, it's not worth being mad about.
​
I'm quite fond of this dog nowadays and though i dislike the way he came into our life i'm glad he is here now. I don't like to be mad at her about this anymore since it was a weird situation anyway but it probably feels like i'm more mad about it still than i actually am, only because it frustrates me she shows zero remorse for it and doesn't really face the real issue and it's all being brought up again in light of current issues.
Anyway, thats just backstory for the next bit which is what i am feeling pretty helpless:
​
Fast forward back to the present, she's found a much better job and i'm now looking for part/full time work because i just started a study break. I'm just used to the dog now and while i'm still not comfortable with it i just get over it for the GF. GF made a friend at her old work who is pretty neat and i think is great company for her, except that she has 5 dogs. Now why is that an issue? Well to be completely honest i'd have to say for a lot of people it isn't, it's not any of my business how many dogs you want just go dont go nuts and take proper care of them. However, some of her dogs had puppies and GF got to raise some of them from first hour alive because her friend was out of the country when they were born. Naturally she went a bit "crazy dog mum" and by that i mean she just became totally *obsessed* with them, not a huge problem in my eyes because she did a damn good job of being there for them and loved them probably more than she would love an actual kid and it made her very happy. This ultimately makes me happy.
GF and friend decide she can keep one of them, i didn't really take them seriously (fuck me i should have earlier) because i thought:
​
>"no way she would seriously go for a second dog, in a house that already has three dogs living in it, when she is planning on moving out asap"
​
But it turns out that didn't even matter because both of the puppies she was taking care of **fucking died.** The one she wanted to keep died gargling to death on its own fluids from pneumonia in her fucking arms. This cute 4 week old puppy that has essentially only ever made squeaking noises and flopped around just went lights out in a spectacularly nasty way in the space of about two hours. Now this *really* fucked her up because she raised them from birth and had never really been exposed to anything even remotely like that before and it all just happened in front of her. *Total. Fucking. Mess.*
​
So, she's grieving and i am understanding of that. I try to be there for her whenever she needs it. But less than a week later she is looking online for puppies. Puppies that look exactly like the one that died. She wants a second dog more than ever. Of course her mum gives her the okay too. The situation now is that she is adamant on getting another dog and raising it then moving out into an apartment with them, and her demeanour has completely changed. Gone total dog mum now and all that really matters to her is the puppy. I said to her face i wouldn't move out with her if she had two dogs as well and she just fucking palmed it off. Every time i try to talk to her about it she deflects its all onto me or other issues we have and the only times i get to seriously talk to her about getting this dog is when she is hysterical over losing the other puppy.
Now, i'm pretty blunt at the best of times and not great at emotional support and obviously this means a lot more to me than just dogs because i am really worried about her emotionally. She has the money to get the puppy and realistically could at any time and her friend is 100% supporting her to do this. Any time i bring up issues with getting a second dog she just chalks it all down to me not being okay with it and that i'm the problem. I can't help the fact i'm not a huge dog person and she knows it, i already learned to love her dog because i love her. I feel quite disheartened that despite voicing my concerns over and over (quite bluntly too) she just really doesn't seem to give a fuck how i feel because it's not my house and not my dog but i practically live there with her and she still wants to move out with me in the near future. I do love her but i don't know whether i need to be the angel or devil on her shoulder right now (cheesy asf but you get the idea)
Now my question is this, Reddit:
​
Am i in the right for not wanting to be a "dog father" and just let her impulsively get another dog despite the potential implications because i care about her and our relationship?
​
Or am i an asshole for not supporting my girlfriend and letting her get a second dog and just sucking it up because i am supposed to love her and her pets unconditionally?
​
*ps, both puppies died about two days apart and went from totally healthy to dead in about half a day, they also had trips to the vet in attempts to save them*
​
​
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"description": "saying I was busy all weekend",
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|
AITA For Saying I Was Busy All Weekend?
|
Throwaway because someone mentioned has reddit.
​
Backstory: Me and this person (M) have been (best) friends for a really long time, starting early in elementary school. Fast forward and we're in High School now. M went to school in the town we lived in and I went to a small school in the larger town nearby. I love it and would never consider leaving. M's parents wouldn't let them come to my school because of conflicts with work schedules. A few months later, in November, a wildfire hit my town (M lived in the smaller town just up the main road.) My house was destroyed and most of the town with it. M's house made it. They got an apartment in The Larger town nearby, we went to a hotel over an hour away. This made it hard and we barely talked for about two to three months. Because M was now living in the same town as my school, their parents let them go. That was great. It'd be the first time we've been at the same school since 5th grade.
​
Fast forward to now: Our school has a "homeroom" like thing where you're with a group of people for all four years. It's pretty nice, and M was allowed to join my homeroom. Shortly after they admitted to having a crush on someone else, also a friends but nowhere near as lose as M and I. A week later they were dating.
​
Three weeks later they broke up and barely get along and call each other names behind their back. F (M's ex) and I still remained friends, and M and I did too. I don't think that M liked that I'm still friends with F, but they never said anything. Well, last week, F planned a party for our homeroom. I'm moving (finally) to a new house, after five months, and spent a lot of last week packing and preparing stuff to move. So M and I usually have a sleepover at their's or my house about every other weekend. I said to M, "I'll be busy all week, I might go to F's party, but I still can't do anything else." Now sleepovers with M usually go from early the day someone comes over to late the day they leave. I needed to be home because my Dad works and my Mom has a bad injury which impairs her walking ability, so I need to be home to help, especially because we're moving.
The week goes by, I pack and do stuff, the day of the party comes, I go, it was fun, and I go home (got back around 11-11:20,) and the next day continue packing stuff.
M really didn't like that I went to F's party because I said that I would be busy all week, and I think the state of M's relationship with F might have something to do with M's reaction. M sent me several long texts explaining how they felt that I lied to them and how I made them upset. M had some reasons that I would say are good and make me feel like TA, but they're very personal and I don't want to share.
​
So, AITA for saying I was busy all weekend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
SOpye23F7wNYOgn6hKQeFINBgLP7U5bq
|
9thuj9
|
{
"description": "being unsympathetic about a lost/stolen purse",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being unsympathetic about a lost/stolen purse?
|
Several years ago, my then-girlfriend told me a "funny" story she thought I would enjoy.
She habitually tried the doors of cars in parking lots, especially if she'd seen something interesting inside. She saw some tapes in one car, and decided she'd steal them for me, because I had a tape deck in my car and she thought it would be romantic. When she got into the car, she realized that it was *my* car, and thought it was so funny and romantic that she was going to steal my tapes to give them to me.
I wasn't at all enchanted. I was irritated that she broke into my car, and irritated that she apparently broke into cars on a somewhat regular basis.
Some months later, she was riding in a mutual friend's truck, and she accidentally lost her purse under one of the seats. She was really worried about it because she'd lost her ID, her phone, and a fair amount of money.
I told her that I'd take her to get her ID replaced and file a report about her stolen property, but that she should also consider her present sense of anxiety and aggravation the next time she felt like breaking into a car.
She was really irritated, and didn't speak to me for four days, during which time the friend found her purse under the truck seat.
Was I an asshole? I think I probably was, but I'm sort of half sorry and half not. Either way, it doesn't matter, nobody in this story has spoken to each other in years and years.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
VDPzR66lut23lvCw0jYl0WKedQ3WNU49
|
am4k8q
|
{
"description": "making jokes about priests molesting kids and offending my friend who was sexually abused as a kid",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for making jokes about priests molesting kids and offending my friend who was sexually abused as a kid?
|
Okay to give context, I’m in high school and I go to a Catholic school that’s been around for about 53 years now. Maybe 6 years ago we had a priest (let’s refer to him as Fr. S) who was accused of molesting a teenage boy in the 90’s.
All the edgelords including me have been making jokes about it. Like, if someone was chasing you you’d say “Oh no Fr. S. is coming!”
I made the mistake of making a joke about the priest while I was watching Aladdin with a friend. I was joking about how our old school uniforms looked, and how they looked inappropriate on an 8 year old. I cracked a joke about Fr. S.
My friend got offended. I had forgotten that a long time ago she confessed to me that when she was in the 3rd grade she had gotten sexually abused everyday by her female cousin for 3 months straight.
I’ve been feeling really guilty, but I didn’t realize why she was offended until the damage was done. Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
6DyVvchiKxIW1H1WWdpEyJAMhcvK0tB2
|
aywx1g
|
{
"description": "ditching out on rooming with friend for next school year",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I ditched out on rooming with friend for next school year?
|
So I am in college and currently live with 3 friends that I met freshman year, and I enjoy living with them. Next year I was planning on living with 3 of my best friends growing up who also attend the same college. A few weeks ago one of them backed out and it wasn’t a big deal we were just gonna look for a 3 person house instead of a 4 person. Today another one of them backed out due to financial reasons, and now the remaining friend wants to look for a house with just me and him. I love this friend and I have known him forever but he has had a long time girlfriend and they have talked about getting married once they graduate. She is also a great person but the problem is I feel like I will be alone in the house a lot of the time and be bored , and now I feel like I would rather just stay with the 3 friends I’m living with now cause I think I will have more fun. I just feel bad because I don’t know if my friend has other options for next year and I feel like I would be leaving him out to dry. Would it be wrong if I stayed in my current living situation and didn’t look for a 2 person house with childhood best friend after two previous plans fell through?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
3s1eeCdr0SXtHJtDPI2JeKbQALKcwxyN
|
a1p30m
|
{
"description": "rehoming a neglected cat",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For rehoming a neglected cat
|
So a week ago I took a cat in that was out in the cold. He was un-neutered and riddled with fighting scars (along with an infected wound about 2 inches long), but he was way too social to be a feral. Figured he may have been abandoned or lost, so I took him in for the night and posted a picture of him on the local lost pet group. Turns out he was a bit of a celebrity on the page having a post around the start of the month looking for an owner along with that same wound on his leg he still had, along with showing up on there a year ago. He seemed to be pretty well known along some the people in the group. Apparently when he was returned to his "owners" a year ago he was in similar condition, and many of the people who had helped him last time had tried to report them for neglect and abandonment. So I was on the assumption he was abandoned again considering the most recent post had no comments from his "owners". I was originally looking to keep him myself either long term or short term since the local shelter was full, but the vet visit meant I needed to change plans. Considering his body was covered in old scars not surprising he came back FIV+. While he could live a long happy life with my current cat he was a pretty big health risk while waiting to get him neutered and the two socialized. So I went forward in to looking for a new home for him since keeping him myself was a little more certain. He fortunately found his forever home that evening and he's doing quite well there. So bit of a whirlwind over four days.
​
Fast forward to today, and the "owner" has come out of the wood work. I told them that with all the info I had, and how long his most recent posting had gone unanswered, I had assumed he was abandoned so I re-homed him. I told them I would pass the info on to the current owner, but there was nothing I can do since I don't own the cat. I also won't give them the name of the new owner since I've been getting nothing but harassment and an ever changing sob-story about how they need the cat back. How he'd tear the bandages off they put on him (He was perfectly fine with the bandage and the stitches he later got), how they took such good care of him (the vet on my visit and on the new owner's visit said he showed multiple signs of neglect), how its a new person I'm devastating by not returning the cat (gone from girlfriend, to son, to son and daughter). The new owner can see all of the old "owner" posts in the lost group, and I've sent them any messages I receive so I'm not leaving the new owner out of the loop. However its basically up to the new owner on whether or not the cat is returned now. The cat had no identification on them, and was not chipped when I took it to the vet so its mostly their word on ownership. I've seen older cats from feral colonies in better shape then this guy. I dunno, asshole or not, at least the cat is hopefully staying in a good home.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
5DgP6yrqNh9vGWMcjf2CWlVL51DQ2UxW
|
awc31s
|
{
"description": "a mutual misunderstanding with a girl",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for a mutual misunderstanding with a girl?
|
So few weeks ago a girl that i was interested in for a while and i were sitting beside eachother in class, her friend left soi decided to ask her out. I asked " hey Dana(not real name), i was wondering if you wanted to go to the movies with me" and she replied with yes. I was ecstatic and told some of my friends, then she asked me if she could bring her friend, i said sure, as i have had a girlfriend with lower self esteem who brought their friend on a date with them. The next day she confronted me and asked why everyone thought we were going to be going out on a date, i replied that i asked her out and she said thats not what she thought i ment and she thiught we were just going to the movies with friendds even though i thought i made it clear i would have wanted a date. Shes super pissed at me and i dont think she should be as i only told 3 of my friends.
TL;DR Am i an asshole for misunderstanding a girls answer for going on a date as she thought we were going as friends?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
44UbuxnXWMT5SKG9y7IuMRtlOM41goZ8
|
ahnksh
|
{
"description": "confronting my friend about things that bug me about them",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for confronting my friend about things that bug me about them?
|
I sat them down and just told them that I want to talk to them about what's bugging me about them so just that they can acknowledge it in the future.
Apparently I made them feel like a bad person and that I could've done it another way. I didn't mean for them to feel like a bad person because of it and that confronting them made them feel that way because I pictured myself in their situation and I would've definitely just acknowledged it for the future.
We got into this huge argument and never finished it cause they had to leave and now I feel terrible and sad. I don't want to lose them as a friend and I'm really scared that our friendship is gonna change for the worse because of what I did/how I did it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
Trb9uOj1cSjQQtyDvs2nP5EuuYyV0VJ6
|
as69sq
|
{
"description": "being angry when my project mate came late",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being angry when my project mate came late?
|
So I am in my final year engineering. Yesterday we(our project group) were supposed to meet our Head of Department who is our guide. We were supposed to meet at 10 AM. One of our project members, S lives really near college, within 1km.
We were all waiting for her to arrive as she was late (as usual). We waited till 10:20 and finally went in without her and met up with the guide, as he has a lecture in some other class at 10:30. As soon as we went in she arrived but had to stay out. When we got out of the cabin she was waiting for us. She said why couldn't you wait another 2 mins? I didn't say anything then.
When she brought up the topic later, I told her we were already waiting for 20 mins. She said she had vehicle trouble, which I was alright with. I just told her that she's joining a company, she can't be late by 25 mins and then tell this to her superior.
She then exploded. She said really sarcastically that oh I didn't know we're working in a company. It's alright if I'm late by a few minutes for just the project. We should have waited for her. She also said, "I didn't know you were so inhuman that you wouldn't even wait for a few minutes. I'm under a dictatorship."
At this point I explained that I'm not that mad that she's late. I'm mad that she's late and still is pointing the blame at us. She doesn't have leverage over the argument. She said okay fine and didn't say a word. At this point I just left for home.
Now she's not talking to me at all. We're good friends by the way. Also, when I am late, I feel uneasy so naturally I expect others to be punctual as well.
I really don't get why SHE is angry with me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
iEeKIJDctbE1AQqwNZHyQJcnMwy5T8OA
|
ath7os
|
{
"description": "not holding back in a grappling match and breaking my cocky opponents shoulder",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA For not holding back in a grappling match and breaking my cocky opponents shoulder.
|
Im 27. Ive been practicing mixed martial arts since I was 24. Not to compete, but as a hobby and for exercise.
Before that, I wrestled in high school, I adapted well to it. I am known in my gym as mainly a wrestler/ground and pound type fighter. This works for me as im 6'4 and weigh 240 pounds. However even though im very good at maintaining dominant positions, when im on the ground my bjj is pretty minimal and im susceptible to all kinds of submissions.
One other practitioner is a 23 year old brown belt in bjj who is also fairly large at 6'2 and 220, so we end up as grappling partners usually.
He is very cocky and continually berates me about my lack of bjj skills, frequently getting me in submission holds and mocking me after the fact. He basically says that my wrestling is useless against his bjj. So I have less tolerance for him in general.
Our gym has weekly "king of the hill" events where we grapple eachother to see who can attain dominance within 10 minutes or to the first submission. I usually win my matches by maintaining the dominant position.
Its down to me and this kid, who is still talking trash, trying to get me down. "You think you can handle me?", "Have you gotten better or no?", "Dont embarrass yourself again".
I finally had enough and grabbed him by the legs over my head and them dive bombed the floor. He landed on his shoulder and dislocated it. He also was pretty dazed after the fact. Needless to say I won but now hes pissy that I threw him down that hard.
There are no rules against throwing, this was not a bjj match but a grappling match, though i usually dont throw people. I wanted the win though to show that my wrestling is still very dangerous.
His friend asks if it would be ok if someone snapped my arm when they had me in an armbar but thats completely different imo as you know something is gonna snap in an armbar if you keep cranking but an over the head suplex isnt a guaranteed injury. Admittedly though I was rougher than usual.
So AITA for dislocating someones shoulder in a grappling match.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
RKMlTFsViWok7vvcrtIaXikpqE0fUYrp
|
aww5w5
|
{
"description": "making a guy cry by showing up a picture of his past when he kept on talking trash about my car",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for making a guy cry by showing up a picture of his past when he kept on talking trash about my car?
|
So I bought an Audi A6 and this guy, lets call him Kevin, keeps on telling me I made the worst life decision ever by buying a German car and that I should have bought a Toyota as it will be very reliable. At first I said that I've known many relatives with the same car and they all say its reliable. He says no it won't. Then I went on to say that I love the car for its comfort and pretty good performance and he goes on to say, cars are meant to be reliable A to B transporters and that I should have got a Prius as it will be very reliable and fuel efficient. I try telling him its my choice but he keeps on telling me that I'm fucking dumb and don't how to make one decision properly. At this point, I'm pissed and bring up a picture of him in high school when he was very obese and had poor hygiene. He then became pretty sad and left the room. I feel guilty now. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 21
}
|
WRONG
|
ewSOYKWA24kEk1wuDpJuuZ7HP47LLp2c
|
ar54d3
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friend?
|
I’ve known him for 2 years now, and he’s been bothering me the whole time. He has some kind of disability that makes him do a certain action again and again(I forgot the name of the disability), but he’s overall a pretty cool dude. But we recently had this argument about him bothering me again and again for the whole time I’ve known him. Small things, like “dude, you’re so bad at x” and just kinda being a dick sometimes(but all people are dicks at some point). And the last time I saw him, we were playing a game and we’d just had a winstreak until I fucked it up and we lost the match. He was just saying the usual, like “I can’t play with you dude. You suck at everything.”
I don’t know what actually made me get mad, but I just suddenly got ticked off by his comment. I said that he was being an asshole to me and that he should just stop saying I suck. I didn’t exactly yell, but I raised my voice significantly. He just said that he didn’t think he was being an asshole and that I was being too serious about what he said. I got annoyed told him that I didn’t want to deal with him if he was always going to just be a dick to me like this. And I left soon thereafter.
Now I’m realizing that I probably shouldn’t have gotten so mad, but I was caught up in the fact that he’d been doing these kinds of stupid things to me for 2 years now. Am I the asshole to think that he shouldn’t be so annoying to me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
R5cDYOpiskb31hL2SF52DMACtkg3NY8b
|
b5xhgs
| null |
AITA, my girlfriend recently asked if I would be comfortable dating a nonbinary person?
|
My girlfriend of two years "hypothetically" asked me if I would date a nonbinary person. I told her no as I am a heterosexual male. She said shes questioning her gender identity and thinks she might be nonbinary. Her best friend recently came out as nonbinary as well and I'm thinking she might just be confused. I have nothing against nonbinary people but as far as relationships go I want to date a female, but Im encouraging her to figure out who she is. Chances are our relationship would end.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 17,
"INFO": 4
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
CVIbx9FfBfrrf4j09rfaAipUeQzJ7GNB
|
9yt962
|
{
"description": "refusing to drive my husband to his class",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for refusing to drive my husband to his class?
|
This happens every week. My husband has a class at 10:30 twice a week, and he seems to always stay up late the night before and he doesn't wake up on time to catch the bus to get to his class. When this happens, he will usually ask me to drive him. I've already talked with him about how frustrating it is for me, because I feel like it shouldn't be my responsibility to get him to class on time. He can't drive himself on these days because we only have 2 hour parking, and he's going to be on campus for more than 2 hours.
In general, my husband has trouble waking up early in the morning. In the past I'd try to wake him up, but it would take up to 30 minutes to get him out of bed and he would usually get really pissed at me. I'd start my own morning stressed out because of this.
So, this morning, I didn't wake him up. I asked him what time he was planning on getting up, and he said 9:30. Well, 10:05 rolls around and here he comes sleepily asking me why I didn't wake him up. I told him it wasn't my responsibility to get him up in the mornings. Then, he asked me if I could drive him to class, and I said no. He mentioned that he drives me to class sometimes, but that's only if he has a class too and will be driving himself anyway. He picks me up sometimes from campus too, but I ask him at least an hour in advance.
Anyway, I feel a little guilty for refusing to drive him. I knew it was going to make him late, and he does drive me sometimes. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
pqUKgZNRnNbMziWTsBVpnD2FmjD7WgaL
|
aqrcbm
|
{
"description": "revealing to a person that my friend had a crush on them",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for revealing to a person that my friend had a crush on them?
|
Recently, one of my ‘closest friends’ revealed to me that she liked a guy, who we’ll call J. J is in violin with another of my friends, C, who happens to also like him. I told C that my friend liked J, knowing that my friend would be angry and that C would tell J.
The situation gets blurry because about a month prior, my crush R asked my friend if it was true that I liked him, and she confirmed it. I felt betrayed but didn’t have much “friend” options at the time so I tried to let it go.
AITA for trying to get revenge?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
9Pt1C8KOl7Z1e1JiUsq6KwpCledMktlP
|
ar9puq
|
{
"description": "wanting to be presentable",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to be presentable?
|
Firstly I want to say that I am not high maintenance. I dont even wear make up every day and when I do it is usually light. I am not the type of girl who spends hours getting ready everyday but I do like to be clean, well kept and presentable.
My boyfriend and I both had the day off of work and woke up at 8AM. After sitting around our place for half an hour he said to me "lets go grab coffee".
I quickly put my hair up, brushed my teeth, put on a pair of old track pants and put my winter coat on over my pajama top. I laughed about not wearing a bra and going out into public looking so unkept...my boyfriend responded with "who cares its not like were getting out of the vehicle were just going to the drive thru for coffee"
Once we got coffee he said to me while driving "can you take my phone and text my brother for me...I want to stop by for a visit"...(I have only met his brother twice and have never met his brothers girlfriend)...I said to my boyfriend "I don't want to go to your brothers like this" and he said "its just my brother and his girlfriend" ...to which I replied "I'm not even wearing a bra....we just rolled out of bed"...to this he got all angry and was like "well this is why when you wake up you should just get ready for the day" he was all pissy and silent after this for about 10 mins until he seemed to have gotten over it.
I sort of feel guilty for "preventing" him from visiting his brother but at the same time I am irritated with the situation.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
h99IpDSmpH96sl2tkACItSEqfiobBIGw
|
aqp2vh
|
{
"description": "paternity testing my son and wanting to do it again",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 36
}
|
AITA for paternity testing my son and wanting to do it again?
|
It’s our baby son. Looks nothing like me whatsoever. As time has gone on and he has grown a little bit, it seems as if he is starting to look as different to me as he can.
I got a secret test done, which showed he is my son. I trusted my wife, but I read and hear these stories and believe stuff like that could happen to anyone.
I feel like I want to get another test, I just hope it’s accurate.
I love my son, my wife has never given me any reason to think she would cheat on me or try to fuck me over.
He just looks nothing like me. I don’t have the fact at birth that he’s mine.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 36,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 36
}
|
WRONG
|
cCsmqqJCOt4R0dldARRSAZAZaoZxt1lz
|
b6tmhw
|
{
"description": "being emotional after losing my dad",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being emotional after losing my dad?
|
First reddit post, so bear with me.
​
On New Year's I lost my dad. I was a wreck. 2 weeks later, I learn about the emotional spikes that come with grief when I suddenly get angry & shout at a friend on Discord, which I quickly apologized. I still feel guilty & don't want to snap at anyone again, so I leave all Discord groups & keep to myself.
A week later, a close friend (we'll call her H) demands to know what's going on. I tell her that I was avoiding Discord b/c I felt bad about my outburst & didn't want to risk another one, & that I felt like I was being somewhat attacked for it (even if I deserved it). H gets pissed, says that she'd done NOTHING but try to support me-- from being there for me while he was in the hospital & when he passed. I explained that I only felt attacked that specific day & I knew she was helping me. I apologized, but she goes off about how I'm manipulative & a liar, I'm hiding my feelings, & that I've broken her trust.
I sit on her message for a few days then send her a big apology, thinking that the issue is me not being transparent about my feelings, saying, "Hey, I'm new to grief, I don't know what to expect & I'm sorry I made you feel bad. But I'm not ready to talk, please respect that." She responds about a week later, on the one month anniversary of my dad's death, to say, "I can't believe you when you say it's emotional spikes b/c you said that before” & that I should have been grateful that she even spent time away from her boyfriend, whom she sees only once a year (false but okay) to speak to me while my dad was in the hospital.
I'm stunned but still want to fix things, so I apologize again. I say I'm sorry for making her feel bad but this has, literally, been the worst month of my life & this back and forth hasn't helped & that I need time/space.
She replies saying my apology was just a way to guilt trip her & that it was inconsiderate to not give her a time frame to contact me. I was purely toxic & this friendship was over. (screenshots: [https://imgur.com/a/IoSCOem](https://imgur.com/a/IoSCOem))
Meanwhile, H is talking to our mutual friends about our exchange & making sure everyone knows how terrible I am. A few friends decide to intervene & message me their critiques, telling me that my grief is fake, that I need to seek professional help, or that my grief isn't a good enough excuse for my behavior. (examples: [https://imgur.com/a/nW9yt4u](https://imgur.com/a/nW9yt4u))
2 months later & H is still posting about how hard I made her life, & (former) friends are still sending me messages calling out my alleged bad behavior. So many people have backed up H that I have to ask, AITA?
​
TLDR: Said something rude to a friend 2 weeks after my dad passed away. Other friend told me I was manipulative & a liar & that I was using my grief as an excuse & others agreed, calling it fake/wrong. Got told I needed professional help for not being over my dad a month after his passing
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ax485z
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"description": "asking my boyfriend for an open relationship because he orgasms too fast",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my boyfriend for an open relationship because he orgasms too fast?
|
I definitely feel like a potential asshole for this, but I'm at a point where I can no longer see satisfying sex as an option with my boyfriend.
A little background: My boyfriend (26) and I (20) started dating 7 months ago. My BF is only the second guy I've had sex with and in the beginning of our relationship I would get really nervous every time we'd have sex. I wouldn't be able to have sex for longer than ~5 minutes without becoming uncomfortably sore.
My boyfriend was very understanding towards me and eventually I became used to having sex for longer periods of time. I also gained a lot of confidence in myself, and for the first time in my life I've begun to enjoy sex as something more than just a way to please my partner.
However, within the last couple of months I've noticed that sex with my BF has become a lot less passionate and more one-sided. For example, our usual sex consists of him pressing his dick against my back and making little noises indicating he's in the mood. I have a pretty high sex drive these days so I'm almost always willing to oblige, but once we start it usually only lasts about a minute until he finishes. After that, he continues on with whatever he was doing before he got horny and I'm left lying there feeling 1) mildly used and 2) completely sexually frustrated.
I've explained to him multiple times that I do not enjoy this type of sex, and that it makes me feel used and frustrated. He's always apologetic and says that he will do better next time, but the same thing happens again and again.
Now whenever we have sex he asks for a blowjob first so that he can last longer when we have sex after, but that is almost never how things go. He lasts his usual 1-2 minutes, and afterwards I end up feeling twice as used. It honestly feels like he couldn't give 2 shits about my pleasure and only cares about his orgasms.
Recently I've started thinking about mentioning an open relationship to him. I know it seems drastic but in all honesty I just want good, passionate sex. I would prefer to have that with my boyfriend, but even with all my pleading it seems like he just isn't interested in that anymore.
Am I an asshole for considering this? And WIBTA if I brought it up to him? Any and all advice would really be appreciated here. I love my boyfriend, and I would love to have good sex with him again, but he just doesn't seem that interested in me anymore and I don't know what to do.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ac810p
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{
"description": "not inviting coworkers to a funeral/not going to funerals of coworkers' families",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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|
AITA for not inviting coworkers to a funeral/not going to funerals of coworkers' families?
|
I often see these emails come through, saying how "ABC's relative passed and the funeral will be on this day at this time." These are department wide emails and go to at least 70 people on average.
Is it wrong that I don't want to go? I actually feel like it's insulting the family to go because I don't really hang out with these colleagues, let alone know their relative that passed.
I feel most of the people who go just want to get off work. A family member of mine passed away recently and we invited only family as none of my colleagues knew her.
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HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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ac0n9u
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{
"description": "being pissed that my friends charges interests on money that he loaned to me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed that my friends charges interests on money that he loaned to me?
|
So, my friend introduced me to Reddit and this forum, first time posting on Reddit. Feel free to correct any mistakes that I make with this post.
​
So this is not something big but it has been bugging me for the last couple of days. About one week ago I forgot to bring lunch money and asked my friend to lend me some. Some info: I rarely ask other people for money (by rarely I mean probably once or twice in 6 months), and always pay back in the agreed period of time, which is normally 3 days at most. Needless to say I feel like I have a good credit with money around my friends. Anyways my friend said yeah sure (it was like 10 dollars) and said just well pay me back okay? I was like yeah sure, I will pay you three days later at the latest. Now at this point I feel like he might've not heard me because he kinda started walking away.
​
Fast forward to tomorrow, I was gonna bring the cash but forgot again. So when I was at school I was like Oops, and made a note in my phone. When he saw me first thing he asked is do I have the money. I thought that was a bit strange as I said I will pay back in three days latest, but I apologised anyways and said I forgot, and I promised to pay back tomorrow. He was like okay now you gotta pay me one dollar extra because of interest. Now I am not poor by any means and could definitely afford to pay one dollar extra, but I thought it was a bit strange. I asked like why lol, as I have never heard about interests, and he said its customary for people around here to charge interests. Now I know for a fact thats not true because I've been in this school for 3 years and not once have I seen someone charge interest. Class was starting so I didn't bother him too much. I later texted him and said how come I've never been charged interests before, and he was like oh fucking forget it okay? and made me sound like a cheapskate.
​
So I was wondering, am I in the wrong here for not paying up interests? BTW he didn't spread it around to tarnish my reputation so I am thankful for that, I still didn't pay up the interest though.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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"description": "choosing my parents over my gf",
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|
AITA For Choosing my Parents Over my GF?
|
I'm M25, she's F26 and we've been together for 3.5 years now. I am brown and she's white to give more context. Since I moved out at 23, and into my own place I've been giving my parents around 1k-1.25k a month to help them out. They need the money and I make around 150k a year so I can afford it. Sometimes I give them more depending on situations etc. My gf hates this and always tells me to cut them off and that they're problems shouldn't be mine and how they're bleeding me dry. But my parents need the money for their mortgage, bills etc and they're in their late 50's to 60's now so they can't just supplement their income like that. I told her its a cultural thing and that I being a South Asian son have a duty to take care of my parents, which I truly believe I do. My parents raised me from nothing and I've always wanted to be where I am now in life to help them out and make their lives better.
Last week my gf and I were talking about this again and about marriage etc, she brings up the fact that I need to stop helping out my parents so we can save more for a house and a wedding, vacations etc. I told her that I can't do that because my parents don't earn a lot and need the money. She got really mad and we argued about how they're "toxic" and how her parents never have and never would ask her for money and that I've been giving money to my parents since I was 16. I just told her white people are different and her parents are wealthy so they never knew and she doesn't know what the struggle is like. She basically ended the convo saying its either them or her and on Friday after a few days of hard thinking I broke up with her and told her why.
She was super mad/sad calling me all sorts of names and that no girl would sit by and watch me waste my money like that. Called me an asshole mama's boy etc etc and it was really sad for me too. I love her but I love my parents more and I can't stop supporting them.
​
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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avw3aa
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{
"description": "being a bad friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for being a bad friend?
|
Two of my friends told me that I “announce” everything I say and told me I was an attention seeker. So this has happened to me a couple of times. The first time it happened was in class. We were talking and friend A, asked, “Why do you announce everything you say? I mean seriously, I’m going to the bathroom, I’m going to get this drink, I have to sneeze. You’re such an attention seeker. Then, friend B chimes in and says “IKR? It’s like she wants people to notice her” Something like that. I felt embarrassed and a little mad but thought nothing of it. I still talked to both of them after that. A few weeks later we were in the cafeteria and I started laughing really hard at a funny comment. My other friends started laughing my laugh (not in a bad way) and friend A mumble,
“...or maybe she just wants attention...”
I brushed it off the first time, but this time I was upset. I got over it and continue to talk.
The third time it happened was today. We were at the cafeteria and friend B says,
“I feel like <my name> would be the one to sacrifice everyone for herself in a horror movie.”
Friend A agrees. Soon, we started talking about how we eat our burger. Friend A says
“I feel like friend B would actually eat with a fork and a knife, (she does) but <my name> does it for attention.”
Long story short. We didn’t talk for the rest of the day. (Today) Am I an attention seeker for announcing everything do?
(Thanks for reading!)
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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avmiuy
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{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to not go to a strip club without me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend to not go to a strip club without me?
|
So my girlfriend (22f) and I (22m) were talking early about some friends (both males) upcoming birthdays that take place the day before mine. She was talking about how they really wanted to go to a strip club to celebrate. The problem is that I will more than likely have to work that weekend in which case I would not be able to go. I told her this and told her that I would not be comfortable with her going to a strip club without me also being there. My reasoning is that this is a place of business designed for sexual arousal, whether you are into that same sex or not. She states that it is just something to do for fun and something that she had always wanted to experience. I told her that if she went without me I would be very upset with her to which she responded by saying that she is still planning to go, with or without me.
Taking it to the next hypothetical level we started talking about bachelor and bachelorette parties. I stated that I would ask my fiancé not to have strippers and that I would consider it to be cheating if they disregarded my request, as they would be inviting men to come and get naked for them and their sexual pleasure, even if they don’t make any sexual contact. She thinks of it more as a tradition and believes it is not a big deal.
So am/would I be the asshole in not allowing her to go with her friends and/or getting upset at her if she chooses to ignore my request?
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HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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apzcg5
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{
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend when he came out to me as trans",
"pronormative_score": 34,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend when he came out to me as trans?
|
Okay to clear up any confusion lemme just explain here the person in question that I was dating is biologically male, and came out to me and said he wanted to be a female, but still likes to be called he/him pronouns at this point in time, so I will address him as such in this post.
This was a long time ago, my sophomore year of high school, but it still eats at me to this day whether or not it was right of me to do so.
We dated for a year and everything was fine, however at the time I had started loosing my feelings for him as we both grew as people, and while I still care about him even to this day my feelings were already starting to wane.
One day he came out to me, and while I said I didn’t really know how to feel at the time, inside I knew that I had lost all romantic and sexual attraction to him, but I still cared for him deeply as a friend, and thought maybe it was just something I could get used to. I told him I’d be willing to try and see if it could work, and helped him with coming out to some other people and getting resources but after 2 weeks I just couldn’t, I said it then and still say it now: I’m straight, I’m just not attracted to women. I broke up with him, and told him I’d still support him, but he wouldn’t accept it. I think he’s hurting to this day over it.
I still feel awful for leaving him at such a vulnerable point in his life, but I didn’t know what else to do, I’m still conflicted on what I did. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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an2cnh
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{
"description": "telling my mother she deserved to lose the election",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For telling my mother she deserved to lose the election.
|
Me and my mother got into an argument about politics seeing as I'm a moderate centrist while she is basically a far left communist. She proceeded to call me a neo-Nazi a school shooter and like Hitler and wouldn't let me refute her "points" by saying I know nothing about politics and am too young to think for myself so I then told her that she also knows nothing about politics seeing as she lost her shitty campaign for city council and went to my room.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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|
aotiue
|
{
"description": "wanting to take a job that my girlfriend really doesn't want me to",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to take a job that my girlfriend really doesn't want me to
|
I'll try to keep this short. M22 and F19 if it matters.
We've been dating for nearly a year. When things started it went from zero to one hundred practically overnight, and things didn't slow down until about four months in. Our relationship hit a snag that lasted for about a month, but we worked through it and came out stronger for it imho. Throughout the entire relationship--until about two months ago--I've been unemployed. As you can imagine it has been a fairly big issue between us: her thinking I have no motivation in life, or that I'm going to be a bum forever.
&#x200B;
Fast-forward to two weeks ago. I got two different interviews for two jobs that I really wanted. Both have the opportunity for a long-term career on-top of having excellent retirement options. One of the jobs is in the realm of LEO, and has the ability to go LEO very easily in the future. For the first time in a long time I felt happy, I felt hopeful, and I didn't feel the always-present depression that I had grown to expect every day. So I wanted to share these feelings with the GF. She was very excited for job A, and was immediately kind of a downer for job B. She stated right then and there that she didn't want me to do job B, and that job A would be great. I played it off and said something to the effect of, "you're going to be disappointed."
&#x200B;
Skip to the day of the interview for job B. The day was perfect. I passed all the tests, had all the documents I needed, and everything looked good. I was extremely optimistic. While I was on my way home my GF called so I wanted to share the good news with her. She was immediately upset. Started jumping to worst-case scenario type situations, etc. Again I played it off. I attempted to reassure her, and told her that "there was no reason to worry about anything yet." I still had to pass a polygraph and a psych test--both of which are easy to fail. We didn't talk too much after that. Later that night we got into it a bit, but ended up just falling asleep.
&#x200B;
Here we are today. I've wanted to be a LEO for a really long time; I've had the dream since I was 12, and I just always felt like it was unattainable. I understand why she is upset, and I can sympathize with it. I told her last night that I'd be an idiot not to be afraid of what could happen. I refuse to allow fear to dictate what I do in life. That being said, I am still a fairly long way to getting this job, let alone becoming a LEO.
&#x200B;
I love my GF to death. I honestly don't want to imagine life without her. As corny as it sounds I do believe she is my soulmate. We click on every level, and get along so perfectly. I can count on one hand the number of things we disagree on. I plan on spending the rest of our lives together. That being said: if I get a job offer, and she makes me choose her or this job, and I choose the job, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aab0ty
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{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to stop being friends with an ex who hits on her",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my girlfriend to stop being friends with an ex who hits on her?
|
And also WIBTA if I asked to see their text messages?
I've been posting about this on different subs the last few days but haven't gotten many replies and have been in a tizzy since Christmas when all of this unfolded.
Long story short, I am a female dating a female. She was openly bisexual when we met 3 years ago but still not comfortable being out and lied to her friends about who she was meeting off Tinder, she called me "Michael". We met, time passed, didn't work out and we were long distance friends as I'm from 5 hours away. She kept lying to them about me and referring to me as Michael and the whole time I had no idea. Eventually a year ago we started dating. The day we started dating she told me she hid hanging out with an ex from me, but wanted me to know. I felt upset but was glad she told me. More time passed and I got suspicious as to why she never wanted me to visit and that's when the hiding me came out. She promised to begin telling people, and then after months we had to have another conversation because she still hadn't and she finally started to tell her family and friends. I was really relieved and started to feel a little better.
But on top of this she was being weird about ex. Whenever the ex would text she'd hide her phone so I couldn't see, or she'd get tense and turn her phone over. One time she blatantly lied about who was texting her when we were laying and her phone was blowing up. She grabbed it and it was directly in my line of vision and I saw tons of messages from her ex. She apologized and said someone else was texting and let her respond real quick, so she sat up so I couldn't see, responded and that was it. I was upset and left the room but I figured she probably was still adjusting to being with me and thought I'd get jealous of them being friends.
Lots more time has passed and over Christmas I finally was about to meet 2 of her friends for the first time and an hour before she told me that she hadn't told them the whole truth about me. She told them she DID date Michael and we met through the fake dude. I was really fucking upset she hid more and was upset I now was going to have to meet people and be put in a position where I might have to lie. We talked for awhile and I told her I wasn't going to lie and she needed to stop doing this, and we moved on. I kept trying to explain to her she doesn't need to hide things from me, I'm not going to be mad and freak out and etc.
Then on Christmas she told me, "I told (ex) about you." And I said, "Oh yeah? When?" and she said, "I dunno maybe a week ago, so if she's ever feeling real crazy and is hitting on me she knows now." Then we had to go downstairs to her family.
I'm really fucking angry. I kept thinking, this girl didn't know about me and was hitting on her?? What was being said and what was my girlfriend saying back?? I had to leave right after Christmas and we haven't had a chance to talk as I want it to be in person. She's coming for New Years and I plan to then. I feel disrespected that her ex is hitting on her, that she lied those times, and that she's continuing to be friends with her. I should also mention this ex and her weren't exclusive, the girl lead her on and then told their friends girlfriend was "obsessed" with her.
I plan on telling my girlfriend if she continues to be in contact with ex then I'm leaving. We're supposed to be working on trust because of the lying about me shit, and her being friends with an ex who hits on her is a huge boundary being crossed.
But it's not enough for me to see her not disrespecting me in the future. I want to know why she's hiding her phone and decide from there what to do. If my girlfriend's been enabling her ex hitting on her I'm leaving. I don't want to snoop, I want girlfriend to be there, but I need to know. If she refuses then I'll break up with her. If she refuses to distance herself from ex I'll break up with her.
I'm sure you're asking why don't I just break up with her? Trust is gone, it's too dramatic, etc. The answer is we have been so close for 3 years. I can't wrap my head around the things that have happened, they don't match the person I've known and I really think she's just making immature mistakes to avoid conflicts. Which admittedly is not a great trait, but I don't think it represents who she is. I don't think she's cheated, but I feel like she's probably enabled. And I want to know the truth. If the relationship is salvageable I want to save it.
So. WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b3floc
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{
"description": "wanting her to cut ties with guys who want to be more than friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting her to cut ties with guys who want to be more than friends ?
|
I'm very sorry if this is hard to read, english isn't my mother tongue
I'm M23 my gf is 22, i'm sure of her love and love her a lot too
About three months ago we both met someone nice at a party, he was friendly with me and her and it was all good.
She decided to add him on facebook, still all good, he was funny
The guy then ask her almost everyday when she has time to see him, that's getting suspicious, i tell her
About two weeks later she accepts and they go climbing, they have fun and decide to climb together on a regular basis, still suspicious because of his initial attitude
3 or 4 weeks after that, i'm joking about this with her telling her that he want her and all, and jokingly take her phone, randomly scroll and tell her "let's see what you tell to your secret lover", joking about it is my way to cope with the uneasy feeling their relationship gives me, i stop scrolling and see a message from her " thank you for being there"
Now my look gets serious and she sees it, i read what it was about and the guy was asking her how her relationship with me was going (we had a bad phase at the time), she told him not really good and the guy was like "that's really too bad", not really supportive, at that time i felt bad, i asked myself if i was being cheated on, but didn't think it was the case
One week after that, they went to see a movie together and he told her, knowing i existed, that he liked her, she got angry against me with messages like "hope you're happy, you were right", she later confessed to me that she felt like he liked her but didn't tell me anything
Now what bother me is that they're still friends and talk on a daily basis, see themselves multiples times a week, i told her that it made me feel like i wasn't important, or even a priority in her life when she is the top priority in mine
We had a lot of talks about this, and the outcome is mostly that she don't want to say goodbye to him, even more because she think it would mean she will have to say goodbye to her group of friend(she always dreamed of having a group of friend and she finally got one, only males and i wouldn't be surprised if they liked her too, she's very attractive)and if she will have to make a choice between me and that "fake friend" it won't be me
I love her so much and would be devastated if our relationship were to end, but i don't see myself happy with someone who have friends who want to be more than that
She told me that if i really loved her i should be happy for her to have friends and "get over it", i feel like i could do everything for her but not if it's wrong for our common good, i feel like she should keep people that are interested in her far for us to be happy, and i'd do the same if a friend were to tell me he/she liked me
AITA for wanting her to cut ties with guys who want to be more than friends ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ZniTK6g9j4kiZCDQWmRM1wHCFvFhyYtv
|
aref7n
| null |
AITA - Colleague is not able to undertake tasks and my manger wants me to help get rid of them
|
To cut a long story short, I have recently had a redeployment come to work for me in a busy department. The role is strenuous and disabilities mean that they cannot fulfill their role.
The role is physically strenuous in ways, lifting and carrying is quite a big part. The other part of the role is sitting down and doing other administrative tasks. This colleague was redeployed due to not being able to undertake physical tasks elsewhere in the company.
I really get along with this person, they are a joy to work with and is probably somebody I could be good friends with outside of work. They are really enjoying her new role and as far as I am concerned, they are doing well in learning their new role and they are showing great enthusiasm.
The problem is that they are not able to undertake quite a lot of the work that they are employed to do. A solution that was put forward to me is that I undertake the tasks that they are unable to carry out. I work 30 hours a week in a stressful job and barely have enough time to carry out my own work. It was proposed that I take on these tasks that they can't do in my regular working hours.
I have a strong suspicion that I am being used as a pawn in my managers games to get rid of them as they have made it evident that they don't want to keep them. Management have suggested to me that if I can't carry out their tasks that I file a report saying why this is not possible and that I should also keep a log of any errors they make.
I know that this colleague is not suitable for the role as they are physically unable to carry out some of the tasks. I do think they would be suitable and able to carry out the work in other departments of the organisation, to which management have said that it is not possible to move them elsewhere.
It is absolutely not possible for me to compete these takes my new colleague cannot do, considering if I agree to it now I will be doing this until they/I leave the organisation.
IATA if I submit a report of any errors made by this colleague in order to get them fired?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
v7Z9mYUE8D60ifLcgKgAoeeDsfbdpxxN
|
ane02k
|
{
"description": "letting my friend's girlfriend know that the iq test she took online was phony? this is after years of her believing that she's a genius because of it",
"pronormative_score": 157,
"contranormative_score": 110
}
|
AITA for letting my friend’s girlfriend know that the IQ test she took online was phony? This is after years of her believing that she‘s a genius because of it...
|
Talking with some of my good friends, it came up in conversation that, “Did know know so & so’s girlfriend is a genius? She says her IQ is above 140.” This seemed a bit suspicious to me, since after years of knowing her, I would never have guessed she had even an above average IQ. Not that people without higher education couldn’t have a high IQ, but just knowing she got her GED at age 19 or 20, and had not gone to college, both seemed a bit odd... but mainly after years of knowing her, I know she’s not super smart (which is totally ok! Not bashing her at all, she’s an awesome person, I’m just being honest.)
Some background - my brother is a professional clinical psychologist, whose sole job is to test the IQ of children in the schools that hire him (you know, since IQ tests are actually made for children, not adults). Since we’re brothers and best friends, I have had years of correspondence with him throughout his schooling and career, and so I’ve become at least basically familiar with how legitimate IQ tests work.
So I asked my friends if they knew who tested her, what type /version of IQ test was it, etc. but no one really knew. So a little later, I got around to talking to her, and found a way to bring it up in conversation. She told me it was an IQ test she found online, through a link on Facebook or something, but couldn’t remember the exact name of the website (but confirmed it wasn’t Mensa). I asked her if they bombarded her with ads to subscribe to their “high IQ society” or whatever and she was like, “oh yeah they did! I signed up for a month and then cancelled...”
At this point, I realized this was one of those online phishing things, where they give you relatively easy IQ test-esque questions, flatter you with the results, and hope to coax you into giving them money. I remember taking one of those tests back when I was a teenager surfing online, and even then it was immediately obvious to me that I probably shouldn’t conclude that I have a high IQ based on a sketchy web app.
Here’s the thing, though - since taking this test, and absolutely believing the results, it has had a real impact on her life. Since “learning she’s a genius,” she got laid off from her desk job, but then went on to start her own self-employed business as an interior decorator, and is doing really well with it. Talking with her boyfriend, he said that she’s had so much more conviction and confidence since taking the test, and I’ve deduced that she may not have ever thought she was capable of starting her own business and following her dreams, had she not been lead to suddenly believe she was a genius.
The problem is, I didn’t put those pieces together while at my friends’ house. I thought it would be better for her to know the truth... so I pulled up one of these type of IQ test websites on my phone, chock full of pop-up ads, redirected windows, etc.... all the telltale signs of a phony site. She confirmed that they looked like the test she took, so I was like, “Yeah that wasn’t a real IQ test...”
I didn’t think it was a big deal in the moment, like so what you were fooled by a phony test, but she’s doing well in life and I couldn’t imagine that news having any affect on her outlook on life. But now I’m pretty sure it was somewhat devastating to her... my friend who’s dated her for 10+ years asked me about what I said to her later that night, seemed a little pissed off, and since has been pretty much silent with me (ignoring my texts, but responding to everyone else in group texts, etc). So I’ve surmised that this is kind of a big deal to his girlfriend. Haven’t heard anything from her about it since, but at least we did receive their save-the-date for their wedding this summer, so it’s not like they’re cutting me out of their lives completely...
TLDR: AITA for breaking the news to my friends gf that the online IQ test that told her she’s a genius was phony, but later realized that it’s probably because of that IQ test that she’s made great positive changes in her life?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
3fgHYcnfdtKGwMvxgJFTdx6P85enkfIM
|
b9fqk2
|
{
"description": "not continuing to pay my g/fs interest on her student loans",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not continuing to pay my g/fs interest on her student loans?
|
So my g/f (f25) and i (m32) have been together for a year and 6 months, i have no student loans, or debt to speak of, and a fairly well paying secure job. She on the other hand has an entry level job, and large student loan payments and has trouble just paying the interest on the loans. After a year of her and i being together i offered to pay the interest on her loans as long as she continued to make the her normal payments so she could actually put a dent into the overall debt amount. Also a stipulation was that she had to actively search for better employment that would further her career as she in a entry position for her field. I told her it didnt matter if she got the job or not, just that she was trying.
Over the last 6 months she has made 1 attempt at applying for a new job. Whenever i ask her how the job hunt is going she balls up and crys, and gets put into a funk. its worth noting she has depression and anxiety. I have tried to help by searching career area for her, contacting friends who work in the field, and have provided some really good leads, but she wont make a move on any of them.
Recently i have decided that i may quit paying the portion of the loans because of the lack of initiative she is showing toward getting a job. I feel extremely bad about doing this as it was never meant to be held over her, i was just hoping it would provide motivation.
AITA if i quit paying portions of her student loans?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
W2hgVkIl9fIL2M3MOw9C1ZJuXG5NZfr4
|
b42xjn
|
{
"description": "making my best friend/roommate homeless out of anger",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for making my best friend/roommate homeless out of anger
|
Best friend of 2 years, lived together for 10 months. We are both low income(we like stress free jobs) mid 20s. We even work(ed) in the same place. We both had a crush on this girl(lets call her Gaby) from work and one thing led to another i ended up dating her for 5 months. We never talked about the words bf/gf but we did talk about if we were seeing other people and both of us said no, and I was happy and she liked that too Recently we even had talked about looking at new apartments when my lease was up so i thought it was ramping up to something serious.
Idk if this is an asshole thing for bringing it up, but it was used as an excuse. Gaby is bipolar and sometimes acts rash or makes strange discisions but i can live with that. She goes to therapy twice a month.
Better part of a week ago Besty and I been drinking but I don't feel good and go to sleep early. Besty goes to hang out and drink more at a nearby friends house and Gaby is there too. You can probably guess what happens, they 'got too drunk' and smash. 3rd party friend immediatly tells me. Besty is blaming it on the alcohol and even her being bipolar comes up. After a short heated argument my besty tells me Gabys not my gf and hes been upset at me the whole time for not 'making her my girlfriend' because he had a crush on her too when we all first started hanging out.
Haven't talked to Gaby, we didnt block eachother but I havent bothered talking to her and she hasn't made an attempt to contact me. We normally talk every day. Don't think I even care anymore.
So... We are already late on this month's rent and I tell the landlord he's not getting my rent anymore and I'm out, the whole Fuck off and everything. We have an eviction and at this point owe a LOT. Besty doesn't have ANY family and probably has less than a hundred bucks and doesn't drive. We have the same friends and I went pretty aggressive slandering his name and I know they're not helping him because... I'm staying with the only one that had room.
He's about to be homeless with an eviction on his record and I feel... Delighted, angry, sad, and like a monster because no one is perfect but I genuinely feel so hurt I just want him to suffer.
I may have just ruined his life.
TL;DR: He drunkingly slept with this girl ive been seeing for months and trying to make it serious. I know hes liked her. Out of spite i got us evicted and i know hes really bad off because hes asking around for help and he has no family or money to fall back on.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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|
WRONG
|
lxGOSrW8cXO81TUUDUiXS5pE5nuteqeL
|
a8guj0
|
{
"description": "expressing my discomfort of all the guys around me constantly touching their dicks",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expressing my discomfort of all the guys around me constantly touching their dicks?
|
So I went on holiday with some close friends and friends of friends recently. Most of them are guys and the three in question live together.
My best friend has some bad habits that he seems to be unable to not do around me (or just thinks it's fine?) ie eating his own bogies and arranging his dick often and he seems to be encouraging his housemates.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all about comfort. If ya balls twisted or itchy I'm not bothered about my close friends seeing to their needs, ya know, swiftly.
But I was suddenly in a house of three dudes and I would go from chatting to one to the next and each was just sitting there, with their hands deep in their pants, making eye contact with me and having a normal conversation for an extended amount of time, all the while lightly fiddling with their dicks and balls.
I ended up bringing it up when I was a bit drunk, after making a joke asking if one of them was rubbing one out to which he replied by audibly slapping his dick which was hilarious and gross (my kind of humour).
They argued that they want to feel comfortable in their own home (which this wasn't technically) and it's comforting to just sit and hold your dick. I argued it would be unacceptable and way more noticeable if I sat there holding and tugging my labia. I know they're not doing it in a sexual way but all I see is dickhands touching shared food and I'm not super chill about it.
The debate went on for a while and as I was drunk I may have not been as tactful as usual but, is it just my problem? I have a separate group of male buddies and they don't do this. If my dad did it at home I'd be mortified. My brother used to constantly touch his winkle when he was very little but, like eating your bogies, I feel like this is something you should grow out of?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ZM7SbNKupTZiUhfxiIFV0vecuvg90qZp
|
aeecpi
|
{
"description": "leaving my fiancée at the altar",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for leaving my fiancée at the altar?
|
So I was getting married a couple months ago. As the day got closer I couldn’t see staying with her because I was still mad at her for when she cheated on me.
I caught her with my brother a year earlier and almost broke up then, but he’s my twin and she was so sorry and said she was so attracted and you know he looks like me so I sort of thought it’s a compliment in a way that’s the guy she cheated with.
As time went on I had second thoughts, yet there was no way for me to break up after I forgave her a long time ago without making an awkward scene with yelling, tears etc.
So big day arrives, I know she’s not looking at her phone or going to be at the house.
In the meantime I have already prepared an informal lease at another place in time so I can’t be looked up, cleaned out my share only of the savings, etc. The day before the big day she’s staying with her sister so I can easily pack up and take off.
I block every mutual acquaintances numbers and go no contact.
Haven’t heard anything so far.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
FuShJw9Onu5D5eCCwtqlAoS1TOD4nMZB
|
9wcuim
|
{
"description": "killing a particular npc in a game. was it just a dick move",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for killing a particular npc in a game. Was it just a dick move
|
There is a game called dragin age Inquisition.
In a particular mission I found out that there is a contract to kill one of the my favourite npc.
We get info that a certain nobleman has some details about the contract. When we meet him, he tells that the contract was made 109 years ago and the one who made it died 60 years ago.
We had tea while he was giving info.
So eventually we find out that he _was_ the assassin who was supposed to kill and felt it was obliged to tell them because of how bizarre this particular contract was.
At the end of conversation, I had three choices, let him go, ask him why he warned and then let him go or kill him.
I chose to kill him. He didn't stand a chance.
Only after I killed him did I realize that it could have been a dick move. I tried telling myself, that this _gesture_ doesn't mean he is a good guy, he kills for money, he could do anything next time.
Plus, the guy's an assassin, must have murdered someone for him to be so chill about it....
...
...right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
d58poI0hTes4SmXDdqiTFiHDOps1Z58x
|
b5nejr
|
{
"description": "going on a date with someone else while on a break with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for going on a date with someone else while on a break with my boyfriend?
|
Set the scene. FEBRUARY, 2017. Boyfriend Trevor and I have been together for ten months. We are mostly happy despite some major personal belief differences (for example, he is religious, I am not. He is very anti-sex-before-marriage and I am very pro-sex-before-marriage), but I ultimately dismiss these issues because we are happy and content. I'm a performer so I audition for a show nearby, as one does. Through this audition, I meet David. As it turns out, we're cast as lovers in this show, and for a while into the rehearsal process, everything goes smoothly. I'm able to balance being professionally intimate onstage with David while being personally intimate with Trevor in real life... until I start developing feelings for David. I deny deny deny that my feelings are anything more than just a showmance. I told myself my little crush would go away eventually.
Fast forward to MAY, 2017. I've been with Trevor for a year and a month. My little crush on David has not gone away. In fact, it turns into a big crush, and I discover that my feelings for him are mutual. I panic and realize that I'm in a lose-lose situation. I text my best friend Nicole everything and seek her advice. One day, Trevor comes over to hang out. I excuse myself to the bathroom, and when I come back, he's gone. Cue horrible sinking feeling in my stomach. I find him downstairs sobbing. He'd read my texts between Nicole and I regarding my dilemma in choosing between David and himself. We ultimately decide to take a break.
A few days after, I hang out with David one-on-one. He and I didn't refer to it as a date, but it's definitely a date. I reveal to him that Trevor and I are on a break. Towards the end of the night, we finally let our feelings for each other out in the open. We kiss and we kiss and I see him the next day. We end up getting a bit more intimate with each other, but no sex.
A few days pass. Trevor comes over to my house so we can discuss our relationship as it stands. I meet him there since I am coming from work. I don't tell him anything about my date with David. We end up breaking up. It is very emotional and very bittersweet but we feel it is for the best as there is no turning back. Two weeks later, David and I start dating.
About a month after breaking up, Trevor admits to me he'd read my texts with Nicole a second time. Before I had arrived at my house the morning we broke up, he had knocked on the door to greet my mom. He used the invitation inside to sneak up to my room and read my text messages on my iPad while I wasn't home. He knew all the details from David and I's date as we were breaking up, but pretended he had no clue, and I had also pretended I did no such thing.
Our break-up still haunts me. It's been a blemish on my conscience ever since. He was convinced I cheated on him and expressed no regret for invading my privacy. It horrifies me. I don't consider what I did to be cheating since we were on a break. What do you think, Reddit? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
Pr5UyHTmiHumz9iyDNleS3ChWCo6TOot
|
athguf
|
{
"description": "telling stuff I don't really believe just to annoy and trigger very toxic person on discord",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for telling stuff I don't really believe just to annoy and trigger very toxic person on discord
|
My buddy runs discord server. There is one really toxic person that for some wierd reason haven't been banned yet ( maybe because he was there from start). He keeps telling my buddy and other people "kys" and is overall very toxic and later he claims he is just sarcastic and joking. So I wanted to really really annoy him and later say "just jk lol". He is very nationalistic and since I live in neighboring country with long history with his country (Serbia) I know a lot of weak points that annoy them to the core.
Some of their weak points are their history under Turks, losing wars and NATO.
Basically I called told him "That I can't understand why he is so nationalistic since real Serbs don't really exist anymore since they were forcefully mixed with Turks" (not something I believe but know it would annoy him to core). Then I told him "You are the reason why NATO should reconsider using depleted uranium in it's bombs and that Serbian bombings should have happened 8 years earlier and should have lasted longer". (Kinda proud of myself for uranium joke, but kinda agree with second point, because if this happened earlier peace in region would occur sooner). I assume I'm asshole to some degree but not sure big of an asshole I am.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
t75DaAVc2eocOCzoqMUaZOxOiwlPcAwY
|
a9jen4
|
{
"description": "telling my son's girlfriend not to have an abortion",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
AITA for telling my son's girlfriend not to have an abortion?
|
My son's girlfriend (19F) found out last week she was pregnant. She is very scared and told my son (21M) that she was planning to have an abortion. I don't want her to kill my grandchild just because she doesn't wish to be pregnant. That baby inside of her is a human being, my first grandchild.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
Girlfriend told me and my son that she doesn't want to risk ruining her body, but I told her she won't ruin it. She will be just fine and besides, she should not be killing a human being. She should have kept her legs closed if she didn't want to be pregnant in the first place. I told her to give birth to the baby, sign him or her over to me, and go back to college after.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 24
}
|
WRONG
|
dkedKOctOGZiPMEjMABj0hyOh6VZJ3uZ
|
b5pxnz
|
{
"description": "calling out of work with acute bronchitis, even though we're short staffed",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITAH for calling out of work with acute bronchitis, even though we're short staffed?
|
I am a server in a restaurant. I like my job okay and I do pretty well as far as money goes. I never call out, except for two other times for a family emergency and for strep throat. Spread out far apart and the last time was 2 months ago when my 90 y/o grandmother fell and broke her leg. My managers are usually very chill and understanding, but we've been unusually busy for weekday nights. There aren't enough servers staffed atm so we're stretched thin during the week, and being busy like this is making for some long nights. Well Sunday I worked my 3rd shift in a row that was over 12 hours long and I was exhausted. I had developed a cough throughout the day that was really deep in my chest and painful. My throat was beginning to be sore too. Over Sunday night I was kept awake violently coughing so hard I'd throw up. I went to the doctor on Monday morning and she diagnosed me with bronchitis and told me to sleep and drink a bunch of water. She prescribed me cough medication and gave me a note to cover through Thursday in case I needed the days. So last night I called in sick. Management was very upset. Telling me that I had to find a replacement and I was going to cause them to have a tough night. Basically making me feel guilty for getting sick. I spent all day in bed drinking water and hacking my lungs up. This morning, I'm still hacking. Like every few breaths I take I start coughing hard. And my voice is suffering as well. Both of those things make the job of serving tables very difficult. It's hard to take orders when you're coughing over the customer every few seconds. Who wants to order from a waiter that coughed and gagged the whole time anyway? Not to mention acute bronchitis is contagious and I'm serving food. I called this morning and my manager went in about how inconvenient this is and how they're gonna be screwed tonight. "You know a couple weeks ago I was at work while i had the flu. It sucked but sometimes adults have to deal with feeling shitty and come to work." That's what my GM said. I told him that I have my note, it's not my fault that they're understaffed, and I wouldn't be making it to work. I'm also tempted to just lay out the whole note even if I feel better tomorrow just because. But the guilt trip from my managers make me feel like an ass hole. Like I'm hurting my coworkers, who I really care about, because I'm sick. So AITAH for not just sucking it up and dealing with it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
twueRyE1IfKgn756oPmg0YtAAEQIzyGK
|
b6huvm
|
{
"description": "deliberately running into someone not paying attention",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for deliberately running into someone not paying attention
|
I live in Hong Kong. To those who are unaware, most people here never pay attention to where they are walking as they're playing on their phone as they walk. Earlier I was catching the train which was about to depart. I made a beeline for the nearest doors straight ahead as I saw a girl taking towards me not paying attention. I could have either stopped to swerve and perhaps miss the train. Or I could continue and knock into the girl. I chose the latter and she looked up for the first time when my backpack knocked her phone out of her hand and she shouted at me. I made the train just
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
WRONG
|
G891mnE5PBbN2Pt5jZjQTDlKqakYdXXA
|
aogz0f
|
{
"description": "hating my best friends boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for hating my best friends boyfriend?
|
This might sound like a lame high school drama, but all this has had such a negative affect in my life that I need ousiders opinions. For context me and my best friend here are now both 18.
&#x200B;
Me and my friend, let’s say Maria have been best friends for over 11 years. We’re both eighteen now, navigating between relationships and school stress. We are somewhat the opposites, I’m an introvert and semi-nerdy, Maria is an extrovert partygirl. But we do have the similar tastes of humor and our past unites us very well, and I love her a lot.
Last autumn me, Maria and her parents visited Maria’s father’s home country together. We were both 17 at the time. It was an amazing trip, something that I’ll never forget. Unfortunately I had to leave earlier due to school, and Maria spent an extra week there with her family.
During this holiday of ours we had basically just hanged out with each other. But just a few days after I had left Maria went all in. Somewhere there, she met an American, 19-year old boy, let’s call him Jared now. First, I thought Jared was going to be one of those Maria’s casual flings, that she used to do back home also. They had sex a couple times, and ofc I was happy for her that she got some. Then, Jared wanted to be Marias boyfriend “just for a day”. Before Maria left home, the decided to try on a long distance open-relationship, because Maria didn’t feel like she was mature enough for a “real relationship”.
Basically their rules at first were that they could have other sex partners, but they would have to be open about it. In a short time, Jared got jealous of the other boys Maria had, she quit telling about her encounters, and they had the fight number one.
Now, even though Jared lived far away, he suddenly was everywhere around us. The worst thing was the fact that he demanded to have access to Maria’s snapchat. The “traded accounts” and I could never know which one would be answering my snaps, so all her former friends including me stopped talking to her online because of that. She claims that it is okay, and says after what she had done it’s completely reasonable. I didn’t say anything, but I do not agree with that.
Then came the fight number 2. Maria had cheated on him again, for some reason. She came to school crying, constantly on her phone. After a lesson she dragged me into an empty classroom, crying that Jared was about to kill himself because of this.
It was the moment that I absolutely lost all my faith into Jared. I felt terrible seeing my best friend crying her eyes out, promising repeatedly to this man that she would never leave him. I could not do anything.
Afterwards I sent a ton of angry messages to Jared, saying that he should change his ways and never ever threaten Maria with suicide. He said that he understood, and even though the seemed to get their relationship better quickly, nothing really seemed to change.
Now Maria is on her phone every minute of the day. She texts in class, spend all breaks talking to Jared and leaved home with headphones on as fast as possible. I haven’t hanged out with her in ages, mostly because she is booked with Jared and I don’t want to be the third wheel. Her grades got a lot worse, too, and I’m not just sad but worried about her. Maria has asked me multiple times if I like Jared. I never give straight answer, I don’t know how to say that I hate this man, and she is always super upset, says that “Jared really wants you to like him”.
Am I the asshole for hating Jared?
TL,DR: My best friend got herself a long distance boyfriends, who over time got more and more jealous and even controlling, which seem almost abusive. her grades have dropped and I never see her anymore. I really don't like her boyfriend and she sort of makes me feel like an aashole for it. Am I?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "sending a rose to a straight guy",
"pronormative_score": 43,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for sending a rose to a straight guy?
|
Some quick context: I am a homosexual 17 year old guy. I came out of the closet about two years ago in a pretty liberal country. Virtually everyone in my area accepted it.
When I told my classmates that I like men, noone really had a problem with it except this one guy, who was really shocked. It was the prankster of the classroom and was into football, which made him behave a tad macho. He told me that he had difficulties with me being gay, but liked me as a person so he would try to get over it. I said I respected that, we made a lot of jokes about it, we talked to eachother sometimes and untill he changed class, we had regular contact.
This valentine there was an event at our school that made it possible to buy roses for people you liked. You could send them and write a little card attached to it that said who it was from and a reason why you sent it. I send some to a few friends and decided to send one to that guy too as a prank. I wrote my name on it and a little heart.
I always used to joke with it a tad, but have told him many times that I could never be into him, so I thought it would be a good prank. He apparently didnt think so.
When I was walking past them that day, his entire friend group was staring at me. I asked (already laughing on the inside): "Did you like the rose?"
He exclaimed "So it was really you?!" And I laughed loudly and walked away, signaling that it was a joke. I didnt see him again that day (school was ending at that time) and went home. The next day everybody in that clique was staring at me again. When I went away I heard someone whispering "dirty faggot". Some friends (who thought it was a hillarious joke) also said they heard them insulting me loudly in frond of a lot of pupils.
I honestly don't care about the insults. I have heard worse and have quite a thick skin, but it made me realise that maybe I crossed a line.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not letting my girlfriend see my private conversations",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not letting my girlfriend see my private conversations?
|
I have female friends, we talk a lot, nothing happening or funky going on, and in heated debates about it i let her check the random conversation i'm having with these people and it's never amounted to anything,
So i've put a hard rule now that she can't do it anymore, as it disrespects my privacy and theirs to a degree.
Should I just let her ? or would this just make her behaviour worse.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "doing my manager's job",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for doing my manager's job?
|
My company enrolls clients into government health insurance plans such as Medicaid and subsidized health plans aka Obama Care. My company is contracted by my state to do this work plus we receive federal grant money to do this work. That means we have to follow strict HIPAA rules so we dont get in trouble.
My company has expanded to other states and we won a contract with another state to do the same work. Instead of opening other offices, we contracted another company in October to help us do this work. So a supervisor at this company, who only has a few weeks of experience using our software, decided she is competent enough to train people on her own. Let's call the supervisor Karen. Karen emailed me explaining that she trained this person on her own. Let's call the new employee Stephanie. Karen said the Stephanie is ready for an account and is ready to sign people up for health insurance.
The problem is, each new employee has to go through our process. When I told Karen that Stephanie has to go through this process, Karen told me it's not necessary. Karen explained that Stephanie has been using her account to sign people up. Karen even said Stephanie has already signed 25 people up for insurance during the past week. For those of you who dont know, that's a big no no. There are many HIPAA regulations that prohibit that so we can get hit with large fines. Not to mention, its against our company policy.
So I report this to my supervisor, we will call him Jim. Jim says he will email our president for more guidance. Here's where things go wrong, Jim emails our president about the situation and even copied me in the email. However, Jim only mentioned that Karen trained Stephanie by herself. Jim then asked if its okay to set the new employee with a new account. Jim completely neglected to mention how Karen violated HIPAA regulations by sharing accounts.
Given the fact that Karen told me straight up that she shared her account, I believe that Karen sincerely didn't know that it was against the law. I was very frustrated that my bosses did not take action and that we are letting the other company do whatever. I also wanted to cover my ass in case this comes back to haunt us. So I sent Karen an email explaining that account sharing isn't allowed and explained why it's not allowed. I was very polite and I gave Karen my personal cell phone number. I gave it to her and offered fast services. I told Karen if she has an employee who needs to get started right away, I can host a training webinar during the same day and I can expedite the whole process for her.
Jim found out and needless to say he's pissed. Jim thinks I went over his head and claims I need to know my place. He also told me he's offended that I did this. Jim threatened to write me up if I ever do his job again and I could get fired. I personally believe I did nothing wrong. This person violated HIPAA regulations and my boss is completely ignoring this. Like I mentioned, he didn't even ask our president about the account sharing; he didn't even mention it. I want to cover my ass in case something bad happens.
Also, Jim is treating me with contempt right now. He's ignoring my emails, he doesnt even look me in the eye anymore, and he ignores me in general. If we walk by each other in the hallway, he'll ignore me when I greet him. Jim makes backhanded remarks about me in meetings and making jokes at my expense. Jim is making me feel like shit and as if I did something wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling my brother to wash his hands",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For telling my brother to wash his hands?
|
My brother is nearly 24 and he never washes his hands even though our parents taught us to always do so. I’ve had OCD since I was four and I washed my hands to the point where they cracked and bled, I never touched doorknobs and used my foot or put my shirt over my hand and when going up or down stairs in our old house, I would use the side railing to hang upside down and move up or down from there so I didn’t have to touch the staircase (I was four, it didn’t make sense) and it’s gotten much better, but I still hate the idea of certain germs. I’ve broken down crying and had panic attacks about it, especially when I know my family, mostly this particular brother, doesn’t wash his hands after either kind of... bathroom break. He gets offended and upset when I ask him to and tells me that OCD for me isn’t real. He doesn’t even think of cleanliness and honestly only showers because our mother tells him to. My parents have tried explaining how bad it is not to wash your hands, but after a few hours, he goes back to this behavior. I’m honestly wondering if I’m being a bitch for bothering so much now. If he doesn’t get it by now, why would he ever.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b4g9te
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{
"description": "getting mad at my fiance for wanting 5 days for bachelorette party",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my fiance for wanting 5 days for bachelorette party?
|
So I'm getting married in June, we have most of the money for the wedding, but I put in most of it. Doesn't bother me too much since I make the most, but my fiance recently told me she's taking 3-5 as a mini vacation/bachelorette. I asked her why she can't have a normal bachelorette (one night), and she said she wants to relax before the wedding. I said we are taking a honeymoon 2 week vacation, and that we could be using the money for that. She just kept saying she wants to relax. I get that feeling, because I'm the same urge to relax before the wedding, but my bachelor party is one day. I feel it's messed up that she's putting more money into her personal vacation rather than our wedding and honeymoon. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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azp4ji
| null |
AITA Told my teacher it was none of her business and she lost it
|
Let me start off with a little backstory. My culinary teacher despises me. I had a 97% average in her class and always aced the tests and did all my assignments, yet she still tried to find a way to pick on me or get me in trouble with my parents. I also had 5 assignments that I turned in (one of which she lost and it was a test grade) but she had 0’s put in the gradebook. (This will come up later)
Now, last week on Thursday during her class I was called down to the principals office for “selling weed to students”. This is a whole different story but basically I was accused of selling stuff over 3 months but they didn’t have enough evidence to expell me or take any action so I got off with a warning. (I know, it was stupid of me but all of this stuff happened a while ago.)
When I got back to class, everyone was talking about it because they had known what happened (I have a reputation at school). My teacher overhears them talking about how I got in trouble with the AP and deputy so she approaches me and asks what happened. I didn’t feel comfortable with telling her because I didn’t want that to change her perspective on me and it’s none of her business anyways. I simply told her “It’s nothing.” and she didn’t like that. She got really upset and told me that she’ll figure it out. I didn’t really think anything of it.
The next day I walk in to class and go up to my teacher to talk about my grade as the grading period was ending the week after. I told her nicely that I had five 0’s for assignments that I turned in and to please fix the grades. She then randomly brings up what happened yesterday and starts to lecture me on how “I should have told her the truth” and how “I need to turn my life around”. Completely unnecessary. I simply said “This has nothing to do with my assignments" because I really needed my grades to be fixed and I had been asking her for weeks to fix them but she never did. This really made her upset and she never fixed my grade.
Now, 2 days later my assignments still have 0’s and my grade has been updated from a 97% to a 77%. She also decided to take action and send a very detailed (5 paragraphs, crazy) email to my parents about my performance in her class and how I was being “borderline rude and disrespectful.” She talked about how it was very rude of me to not be honest with her and tell her what happened between me and the AP and that when she confronted me I didn’t react with good manners.
Am I the asshole for not telling her or for reacting the way I did?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b4a3r3
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my brother for stealing alcohol, lighters, and other stuff from my room",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my brother for stealing alcohol, lighters, and other stuff from my room?
|
A bit of a backstory with this one.
&#x200B;
My little brother is about two years younger than me. Growing up, we were pretty close, and during summer breaks, weekends, etc, we would play video games, have fun, that sort of thing together. He always seemed to look up to me, and whenever I was doing something, he seemed to want to be involved. However, ever since I started high school, I started drifting from him, but not intentionally really. I got more friends in high school who I would spend more time with instead. My family is rather antisocial, and we just never talked about much with relevancy, sticking to topics like entertainment and board games than anything like what's going on in my life. My family is super conservative too which doesn't help. They're super strict on drugs and alcohol and have told us to never do it, no questions asked. It's a weird mess.
&#x200B;
Cut to my senior year, and I'm working constantly at my job, going to school, and hanging out with friends on weekends, leaving myself little to no time for bonding with my little brother, who is currently a sophomore now. My family is pretty conservative, and so when he heard I started getting involved with alcohol and weed and illegal stuff, I think it messed him up a bit, and now he's trying to get involved in that scene too. The thing is, I really didn't touch any of this stuff until my senior year. Sophomore year and junior year, I never did it. Now I'm doing it, but it's something almost every high school senior does, so it's not too big of a deal in my opinion. I also ration myself - I never do it at school, only at weekends at friend's houses, and stay safe always. My brother, however, is a sophomore and struggling with school, but is hanging out with the wrong group of people and is getting high at school. I'm a firm believer that people should do what they want, and while I'm not happy with my brother going down that path, it's not really my choice to make.
&#x200B;
However, the issue lies when I'm working and not home. Last week, I got a can of beer for myself, but when I went home, it was missing. As it turns out, my brother stole it and brought it to school to brag about it. I got mad, but I wanted to confront him about it. He got scared when he heard I was gonna confront him, and put the alcohol back in my room. I also noticed he's been stealing my lighters and other stuff.
&#x200B;
Today, I finally confronted him about it, and just told him to not to go through my room. He seemed scared, and was basically speechless. But I felt awful just telling him, and I feel like there's more to say too about that stuff. Since we're so isolated from each other, I just don't even know where to begin. I feel sorry I wasn't there for him most of high school, but I just wish he knew he could create his own path and not live in my own shadow.
&#x200B;
Not sure if any of this even made much sense, but any help is appreciated.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ay99qd
|
{
"description": "causing my roommate to lock herself in her room over my embarrassment at her telling a herpes fact to a stranger",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for causing my roommate to lock herself in her room over my embarrassment at her telling a herpes fact to a stranger?
|
(Long post, scroll for a TLDR)
This story requires a bit of context, but my [19F] roommate, M [19F], has currently locked herself in her room after an argument with me and I don’t know what to do.
Tonight, M and I made brownies, and I decided we’d go bring a brownie to our mutual friend, V [21M], who lives on our floor. V wasn’t there, so we gave a brownie to his roommate to give to him later. Before the roommate closed the door, M asked “Did you know herpes has the same letters as sphere?” We figured that fun fact out when she was playing that word scramble game and it was kinda funny but I was mortified that she’s just say that to some guy we don’t even know.
We went back to our place, and for more context my other roommate B [20F] and I share a room while M has the other to herself. We go into my room to give B a brownie and M and I tell her what happened with V’s roommate.
B couldn’t believe M would say that and she understood why I was embarrassed. M didn’t, and she demanded why I was embarrassed because I “wasn’t even there” (I was a few feet down the hallway when she said it.) I told her he’d just seen me so I know I was there and would probably think of herpes whenever he saw either of us around the building.
M said “Oh, so you’re embarrassed to be associated with me?” This entire time I thought it was just lighthearted joking about the awkward conversation, and I responded jokingly “Only when you talk about herpes to guys we don’t even know!”
This set M over the edge, and she yelled something I can’t remember at me and B and stormed out of our room and into hers, slamming both doors. This is where we’re at right now. I put a couple brownies on a napkin and set them in front of her door and knocked before going back to my room, but she didn’t open her door and they’re still sitting out there.
I understand I overreacted. I was kind of irrationally embarrassed by the whole thing, and I didn’t realize she was upset by B and I jokingly exaggerating it like she’d done something awful. But she gave no sign that she was upset before running off and slamming our door.
I also have an anxiety disorder and often get nervous talking to strangers, which M knows. She said she was going to ask V if he knew that herpes and sphere are spelled with the same letters, and I thought she was probably kidding but still told her not to, although I know V better than she does and he’d probably just laugh, so I wouldn’t have really minded. I had no reason to suspect she’d say it to his roommate, we don’t even know the guy’s name.
TLDR: My roommate asked a guy on our floor who neither of us knew if he knew that herpes and sphere are spelled with the same letters, I told her afterward I was embarrassed because I was there too. She took this to mean I was embarrassed to be associated with her, even though I said it was just her talking about herpes, and now she’s locked herself in her room. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
9ylzxr
|
{
"description": "not adjusting the toaster setting after I'm done",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA - for not adjusting the toaster setting after I’m done?
|
So there is an ongoing silly argument between my wife and I, and I need some wonderful interweb input.
I love having an english muffin for breakfast, smothered in delicious peanut butter. In order to get the perfectly toasted english muffin I set the toaster to “5”.
My wife and kids love toast, which at “5” becomes a charred brick of shame. Usually a “2” is sufficient for toast.
Every time, and I mean EVERY TIME, I check the setting and adjust for whatever I am making prior to pushing down the lever. My wife on the other hand enjoys rolling the dice and never actually bothers to look at the setting before just slapping that lever down and hoping for the best.
When it burns, guess what? I catch shit, because she insists that I need to set it back down to the original level if I turn it up. I firmly believe in LOOKING AT THE DAMN THING BEFORE YOU USE IT!
Am I the asshole? Or, is checking the one and only setting before using a device a normal thing to do?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b32yv0
|
{
"description": "canceling my Dad's cell phone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for Canceling my Dad's cell phone?
|
In 2013 I agreed to add my Dad on to my cell phone plan because he had bad credit. The additional cost of the line was about $30 dollars so we agreed that at the beginning of each year he would pay me $360 for the year. In January of 2018, I told him that I no longer wanted him on my plan but he said he was too busy to deal with getting his own plan so I agreed to do it for one more year. Over the course of 2018, we had a falling out and our communication became limited to a few emails related to family matters (health of older relatives).
In December of 2018, I got a letter from the Social Security Administration saying that I owed them money. After some digging, I learned that SS payments had been made to him fraudulently on my behalf when I was very young (please don't consider this in the judgment of the phone issue). I was able to resolve the issue but I decided that I did not want to be connected to him on any accounts.
On Jan 1, 2019, I sent him an email saying that I wanted him to transfer his phone line to his own account and that I would give him until Jan 31 to do it. I called the phone company to give him all the permissions to go into any store and transfer the number.
A few days after Jan 31 he called me and was very angry that I had canceled his number. I referred him to the email and he said he never saw it.
In order to recover the number, I needed to reinstate it on my account and then give him permission to transfer it again. I agreed to do this and he agreed to move the number by the end of February.
After the number was reinstated my Dad had some medical issues. He was also traveling and he wanted to transfer the number to a different carrier that was only available where he lives and not where he currently was. So the end of February deadline turned into whenever he gets back home.
I just sent him an email saying that I will cancel the line on Mar 31 and if he wants the number he needs to transfer it before then. There is no negotiation.
I feel like a pushover at the same time that I feel like I should be considerate of his situation with his health. AITA?
Also, I did not grow up with him and he did ever support me financially.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
avf00k
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go on vacation with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go on vacation with my parents?
|
I’ve travelled with my parents since I was like 12 (I’m 22 now), we have been to some pretty cool places like Europe, cruises, resorts etc and while it sounds like a great time, when you’re that young it’s not the kind of fun you really want so this has lead to many family arguments on trips just because they have completely different needs than me and my brother did. For example they love to do touristy things like museums and sightseeing but when you’re 15 you just want to do something fun and this lead to a lot conflict to the point where I don’t even enjoy going on trips with them or got excited when they planned them. I’m 22 now and I’ve been an 2 trips myself with my friends which I obviously enjoy a lot more. My moms been saying we should go on another family trip soon because now that we’re older it’ll be more fun. I mean it could be fun, but my family and I just don’t click together we all have a different personality and as much as my mom loves family things I just don’t see this as being fun for now at least. I just feel bad because she’s a very affectionate mom and the rest of us aren’t really so being together on vacation just doesn’t workout even tho she thinks it’ll be different this time. AITA for not wanting to go on vacation with her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
riFd449oSFdYDoIPoETToVKCXkjq8Ecr
|
b946w5
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for my friend who has a medical condition",
"pronormative_score": 126,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for my friend who has a medical condition?
|
My best friend's girlfriend (27F) has a medical condition (Lupus) which affects her quite a lot. She gets tired really easily, has joint pains and gets fevers and headaches a lot. She has a decently paying job in an office, although can only work part time, and lives with her parents who are quite well-off so she doesn't pay rent or utilities or anything. She only recently became part of my friend group when she started dating my best friend, she is great and everyone really likes her. Whenever we do anything with her she isn't expected to pay, either her boyfriend pays or the rest of us just split the cost. I don't really agree with it since she has a job and lives rent/utilities free, but I go along with it since it's usually just like splitting her meal between 4 or 5 of us or something. We are planning a trip around Europe for 5 of us, including this girl. Her boyfriend wants us to split the cost for her to come, including flights, accomodation, food, etc. I don't see why we have to pay for her. She must have plenty money to spend since she lives with her parents and I don't think she really needs us to pay. I haven't spoken to anyone about this and am worried I am being an asshole because of her condition.
AITA for not wanting to pay for her to come?
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HISTORICAL
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|
WIBTA For feeling i don't owe my mom anything?
|
Now, this hasn't happened. I'm using this for future reference.
My mom and I are close, and she's been supporting me all my life. Even though she has done this for me, I don't feel like I owe her any money or any objects (like jewelry) Because she raised me. It was her choice to raise me and invest in me, I didn't ask to be born. Of course I'd support her but Am I an asshole for feeling like I don't owe her anything?
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WRONG
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|
AITA for not giving my neighbor a ride cause they have bed bugs and smell like cat pee?
|
The last few weeks the temps have been in the 20's and there is a reasonable amount of snow on the ground. One of my neighbors in my apartment complex has a little boy who goes to the same school as my son. The school is about 10 blocks away give or take 1 or 2. I drive and she walks her son. I have seen her almost everyday and haven't asked her if she wants a ride. I feel horrible for not asking her.
I do not ask her cause first off they smell like cat pee so bad it makes me gag. When they open its like being smacked with a wall of cat pee it almost knocks you backward. The second reason is cause they have bed bugs. I know they have bed bugs from using the laundry room after them. Dead bed bugs all over the floor when they pull their laundry out the dryer. I am afraid of the bed bugs more than the cat pee!
Am I the asshole for not giving her and her son a ride? I feel horrible but I'm afraid for my mental health after I give her a ride.
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HISTORICAL
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AITA for refusing to stop singing?
|
I was walking down the sidewalk with my girlfriend, and was singing a song that I like. Not too loud, just enough to be immersed in it and enjoy it. Well, there was someone else also walking nearby and he asked me to stop. I felt offended because 1. I really enjoy singing, 2. I think I sing pretty well, and 3. It's my right.
I told him if he doesn't like it he can go find a different sidewalk to walk on. He called me a stupid asshole and started walking the other way. Even worse, my girlfriend said I should apologize to the guy. Shouldn't she side side with me and defend me?
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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"description": "maybe causing my baby cousin to get hurt",
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AITA for maybe causing my baby cousin to get hurt
|
AITA for this? I was playing not tag but a game where I chase my baby cousins ( 4 is a boy and 7 girl) and boy cousin hit his head on the door of his parents minivan. He started coughing and would only calm down after he had water he was still coughing btw. This was before a drive to another cousins birthday and my parents wanted to leave but, I was willing to stay to help comfort cousin. Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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|
AITA - For playing this game with my GF
|
So me and my partner played this mobile game because she wanted to play with me. Basically it's like a simplified Civ game. Long story short, she killed my unit, I killed hers, she got pissed and tried to annex my land so I killed another unit, she then said "I don't want to play anymore" and turned it off and then refused to talk to me telling me to "go away" and "don't you have work to do?"
As I leave she then remarks "Yeah don't break anything with your little temper tantrums" and I tell her to just be quiet it's just a fucking game.
So am I in any wrong here because she isn't talking and making it seem like I am
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not doing volunteer work tomorrow",
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WIBTA if I don't do volunteer work tomorrow?
|
Me and my sister volunteer for charity every weekend but I have work from 7pm to 2am tomorrow so idk if I can be bothered tomorrow morning. I feel a bit bad though because we're usually the only 2 on the till but my sister doesn't have a job so idk if I'm the asshole or not.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "being mad at my gf over her friends",
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|
AITA for being mad at my GF over her friends?
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Hi reddit, this one kinda needs context and is getting me mad, because I love this girl but I just cant handle fighting over this anymore.
We met in my parents town and now we both live in 2 other cities for college, this will be our last year apart on a now 4 year relationship.
Everytime she comes to see me, she makes me come back to my parents town, to see her friends - and I hate coming back, its a very small town with nothing to do and 50kb/s download speed. We are both people of staying home and not going out so much, and I basically havent had a weekend at my city in at least 8 months, because she always wants to come here to see her friends.
Her best friends are 2 girls that studied with me in highschool, but not with my girlfriend, and used to bully everyone - so I didnt really like them, but we have grown, etc, but still I dont want them to be my only friends.
In that proccess, I have grown further and further from my older friends, because I always end up hanging around with these people I just mentioned.
So for a while now, everytime she comes to see me I have to argue to not come to my parents town, and to not see her friends, and to not go the places they want to go, but I always lose, end up going, then I get frustrated we argue and she says she will pay more attention to it - then we fight again over the same thing the other time.
Thats the context. I know its pretty standard, but we are now in the middle of a huge fight because yesterday, instead of going as always, I refused and stayed alone with some other common friends, while she went to a party in a remote location, very far away, with dirt road on the way, music I know she hates, all because one of the two bully friends wanted to go to hook up with a crush of hers.
This girl was the only one determined to go, and since we just got back from a 15 day trip, my GF says "she really wanted to see them", but kinda took their side on deciding where to go, while I tried to put other options on the table - it's a small town, so it was pretty much the old "go to trash party" or "drink on the street", I was arguing for the second.
Now, I'm very frustrated because I feel like everytime these friends get involved, they become priority, and I always say that and my GF just says stuff like "thats not true, im with you everyday, etc", and I do understand that, but at the same time I feel like she is forcing me into some toxic friendships and siding with them at every opportunity, even though she knows how I feel about it.
Im really worried about becoming a control freak on our relationship ou sexist even, so I wanted outside opinions.
Am I the asshole here? Anyone have any clue what I should do?
Sorry for the possibly bad english, not a native speaker.
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AITA for kicked a depressed kid out of my friend group/lunch table?
|
So for around 2 years ago a kid, I’ll call him A started sitting with my two other friends. So all he ever talked about was how depressed he was, and not much else. So a year ago he became vegan. When we had anything with meat he would have a “panic attack” because of the meat. We always got into arguments because he kept provoking me. When lunch came I always hated it. So this year he really went nuts, had panic attacks every day. He only argued with me and talked about how we’re monsters for eating meat and how we’ll never understand him. So one day he said, “I only sit here so the teachers won’t make me go to therapy.” So the next day I say to him that he has to leave. My friends also agreed that he had to leave. Am I the asshole for asking him to leave our table?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "cutting ties with my mentally unstable mother",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for cutting ties with my mentally unstable mother?
|
Some background info: I (F/23) moved out of my childhood home nearly ten years ago due to my stepfather being abusive and my mother (49) refusing to believe this despite me trying to convince her over and over. We’ve had little to no contact during these years and the times we’ve spoken it’s only ended in quarreling (she still insists I’m lying; and I’m obviously fed up from being told it’s all bullshit). I’ve since also changed my legal name in an attempt to distance myself from this abusive past.
Anyway, I met my mom for the first time in two years a week or so ago, and it seems she’s changed her mind on my story being all lies. She told me for the first time that she believes me, but it’s only after me prying for that answer, so I’m not quite sure she actually does and it's not her pulling at straws.
Then today. I had a panic attack for the first time in a while, after re-starting medication for anxiety and other things, and since my mother has a history of panic disorder I thought I’d bury our battle axe and try reaching out to her for mother-daughter advice. So I call and tell her what's up. She gives me some advice but then tells me it hurts hearing I’m hurting. I apologize and say I didn’t mean to make her sad with me; in which she just becomes more agitated. I realize we’re heading for another fight so I thank her for the advice and hang up.
She then immediately messages me going on about how she's against me taking pills, and I (fed up by now) tell her they're the only thing that kept me from taking my life back when I was a teenager, in which she says me mentioning suic\*de was a low blow and on top of that, bullshit.
I respond saying it was a mistake asking her for help, and she agrees.
THEN, a while later after me not replying, she messages me again calling me by my birth name. I ask what she means by that (she knows I dislike it) and she says it's what I was named, and it will always be my name.
I blocked her after that, because it’s clearly to spite me. And now I’ve given up. It’s been nearly a decade, she still lives with my abuser, and I can’t get through to her. So I’m planning to cut ties once and for all. I sort of feel bad about it, because she’s obviously not mentally healthy either. She tells me she’s afraid to go outside her house, she has no job, yet refuses every sort of help from the government etc., and I’m tired of trying to encourage her to take it. She tells me I'm her only "happiness" in life, but I feel she loves the kid I used to be back when we lived together, not the adult I am now.
So, AITA for giving up on her? Or is it my duty as her daughter to try to help her out of that place, or should I for her sake simply pretend I DID lie about the abuse, since she's apparently too weak mentally to ever handle the truth? I honestly don't know.
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AITA for doing my own mechanic work
|
I drive a 1988 Trans Am and I was going to get my oil changed one day since it had been about five or six months since I got my last one. I pull in to the mechanic’s shop I go to since I know him pretty good and he gives me a good deal. We’re just a couple good ol boys. I pull up and one of the guys working up there, Bruce, tells me that there’s a two hour wait since they’re really busy. Now normally, I’m not one to fuss, but me and the shop owner Jeremy have a gentleman’s agreement where I’ve been going to him and his shop for about 25 years now, he’ll usually put me ahead of the line and save me some time. But two hours was too long for me today since I had a few appointments coming up and I told the first guy Bruce as much. I guess Bruce doesn’t know or doesn’t care about the arrangement me and Jeremy has and tells me if I want it done any faster I would have to change it myself.
Now I’m no dummy and I know my way around the car I’ve had for 30 years. So I make a run over to the auto parts store and pick up a few quarts of oil and a filter. I return to the parking lot of Jeremy’s shop and begin doing exactly what Bruce suggested I do, and I change my oil right there in the parking lot. It ends up making a much larger mess than I figured it would, but I’m able to clean up most of it before I go on my way. Jeremy calls me later and asks about what happened and I tell him, he thought it was pretty funny but just not to do it again and to try calling ahead when I needed another change so they could schedule better. That Bruce guy still won’t look me in the eye, though.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b9cc0y
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{
"description": "not wanting my husband to give his ex wife money",
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"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for not wanting my husband to give his ex wife money?
|
My husband's ex wife is not good with money. They were married for 19 years, and in the divorce he discovered the last half of their marriage she stole/ racked up over $300k in credit card debt. She's currently maxed out on her credit cards and has a loan or two out. These charges are largely to retail places, like the $300k was. She has a decent paying job for our area, so..... I don't know, feel however you want on that one.
So anyway, she remarried and is getting a divorce. They had some problems, so it's not a surprise, but that's not really the point. During one of their spats she confessed she spent the $20k she got from her divorce with my husband on debt her current (soon to be ex) husband's debt and a $3k gold chain. She has a decent paying job for our area, but she continues to make poor financial decisions. She bought a newer car, admittedly for a good price, but at a time she couldn't really afford it. So, you see the pattern. Anyway, she asked my husband for $1k for rent, and I told him I'm not comfortable with that. I think he's just enabling her, like he did during their marriage. She's gotten money from him before and it's always "the last time". She came to him before she went to her own family or even talked to the friend she's renting from. She said in the divorce she only cared about his money, and I don't care to have that continue. I agreed to letting him give her $200 to buy food with, which is probably already spent on something else. Who knows...
There's some other stuff, but I don't really know how relevant. AITA for saying "no" to giving her money?
|
HISTORICAL
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b4mu52
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"description": "telling my mom about my brother's drug use and school skipping",
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|
AITA for telling my mom about my brother’s drug use and school skipping?
|
(Long set up. Scroll to the end to just see the TLDR)
My family has gone through a lot. Especially my mom. She was abused by the man she loved since she was 14. (Our dad). He left.
In result I went through a really rough spell that took a toll on my mom. Seven years later, I’m now on medication and coping.
My sister (only 10 years old) has severe OCD. She won’t brush her hair because she’s afraid it will fall out. She won’t change clothes. She has nightly rituals that go on for hours. She won’t flush the toilet etc. When my mom try’s to help my sister will get manipulative and scream that she (my mom) doesn’t love her and that she hates her. Which breaks my mom. Minutes later she will say “I’m so sorry mommy, I don’t mean it.”
(TLDR) And now it’s my brother. He has been skipping school. He’s on anti-depression medication and is smoking cigarettes, and weed. He’s only 16.
Whenever I talk to him about it he says that it’s not a big deal and if he wasn’t 16 it is technically a legal activity. (We live in Canada.) he’s broke windows, drawers and doors in our house (on “accident”) and takes money from our Nana (who lives on her own, and already struggles with money) to feed his drug habit. (Ex. My nana gives him money for lunch and he spends it on weed.) I found his cigarettes in his school bag (more, he got them confiscated before, but he gets them for free from his friends) and told my mom. He won’t talk to me. Hasn’t for weeks now. And when he does he calls me a rat. It breaks my heart.
I’m broken and upset that our family can never be okay. And I hate how he doesn’t think that this should affect us at all. He doesn’t think about me or my mom. He says he wants to move out and never see us again.
AITA? Is it really not that big of a deal to do cigarettes and weed on medication/at 16? Am I overreacting? Should I not tell my mom? Is it just a phase??
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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azlwq2
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{
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AITA for not wanting to hang with bff's new bf?
|
So, I've met him briefly only oncr. But her family has more experience with him, and they've told me seriously troubling things. From all accounts, he is emotionally abusive. I mean, I have all the evidence except her side. And if you know anything about emotionally abusive relationships, you know that her side isn't going to be very reliable anyway. My friend refuses to talk about it with me. I think she thinks I'm going to yell at her. I'm totally not planning on it, but at this point I really dislike him, and I won't be able to suppress that unless I talk to her about it.
We don't live close, but I'm going home for spring break. In the past, I've tried to make plans with her (she's always been a flake, so that's difficult). The most recent time, we made plans. She didn't show up, and then over an hour later she told me her boyfriend was picking her up in 30 minutes and they were going to go to lunch and she wanted me to come with. I flat out said "no". First, this was totally rude, to just not show up and then change the plans to include a new activity AND a new person. She also knows I hate spontaneity, changes of plans, surprises (anxiety, woo!). And she didn't even ask. It's like he hijacked the day. And finally, I don't like him. Everything I've been told about him... I would be the rudest person ever at that lunch. Nothing but passive aggressiveness. I want to be there for her if things are bad, but I don't think I need to want to be around him to do that.
So my issue is... If this happens again, if he shows up or tries to hijack the hangout, I just don't want to be a part of it. I would either leave or straight up confront him. I would consider it if my friend would actually hang out with me alone and talk to me first. So those would be my terms. We made plans for the two of us. If he tries to show up, I'm out. If she can't talk to me about it, I'm out. I just can't be around him knowing the side of the facts I know without confronting them both. Does that make me an asshole?
(Oh. Important to know about me is that I'm a therapist. I work with abused kids. So yeah, really not interested in meeting this guy ATM)
(Also important to understand is that abusers often present well in public. So even though he may seem okay if I met him, that would probably not do anything to steer me away from my conclusion. The bad stuff I've heard about him came with proof.)
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "wanting to quit my job",
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|
AITA for wanting to quit my job?
|
So i started working in this company for over 2 months.
&#x200B;
Beside my position's duties, i was supposed to help the receptionist when it was necessary. At the beginning of the last month i quickly learned that she's going to be working on different position in this company so they're looking for someone to replace her. Fine by me!
&#x200B;
The end of previous month was... frustrating because she'd come to me almost everyday asking "hey, can you replace me because X and Y?". I started to feel like she's asking me to replace her whenever she didn't feel like sitting on her position and working. She could easily ask the driver for things she needs to have but instead, she'd ask me to replace her and go by herself. It honestly didn't feel like it's necessarybut instead she'd pull me from my other duties. Not nice at all.
&#x200B;
Last week i learned from HR that i will be replacing the receptionist completely due to inabilty to find anyone else to replace her. The HR lady was surprised that my supervisor didn't tell me a word about it. He (supervisor) told her that he talked to me! No, he didn't at all and suddenly i'm learning all of this a few days in advance.
&#x200B;
To add more, whole company has big financial problems. It's so bad that we're mentioned in the media (of course not in a good way) which influences the inabilty to find the replacement for the receptionist but also it's so bad that other services that provide, for example: shipping mails, buying coffe and office assortment are cutting the services completely for us. It feels like it's a matter of time that other companies will cut servies for us.
&#x200B;
I'm currently in trial contract till the end of the month and thinking about not extending that.
Am I the asshole for wanting to quit? Are the things i listed above, legitmate reasons to quit?
&#x200B;
Halp
|
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RIGHT
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az1ocx
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"description": "really shouting at a manager of a repair shop",
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|
WIBTA if i really shout at a manager of a repair shop
|
So I had bought headphones online with one year warranty it was pretty good till it stopped working around 3 months in around October I gave it to repair since the company outsourced the repair to another company the manager was of that shop said me to take the headphones home and that the company which I purchased from will replace it in a week .
So 2 months pass by I get pissed off I call the company which I purchased from they said that they don't replace the headphones and that according to their system I never entered the repair shop so they added the repair shop person on the line. Now he started to say me to bring it to the shop again . So I gave It thinking to repair(in December) thinking he did an honest mistake a month passes by I call the repair shop he says that it will be done in a week and he will call me but suprise suprise he never calls me so 3 weeks back I get pissed off again and I called the company I purchased it from and again they fucking tell me that I never went to the repair shop again they add him on line and he says it will be done in a week it's been 3 weeks and still no fucking update I really want to go to the shop and scream at that asshole right now so wibta asshole if I do it or should I call the company and do it ?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
K9VF6CSMXXaKyRyMypFtMJQiKf5hpQYM
|
ar0dwr
|
{
"description": "\"ruining Valentine's day\" by not wanting to watch a romantic comedy",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for "ruining Valentine's day" by not wanting to watch a romantic comedy?
|
I'll preface this by saying my S.O (25f) and I (25m) had an excellent start to Valentine's day. We both got home from work around the same time. I had a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine waiting for her. I cleaned up the kitchen/dining room very nicely and I picked up the ingredients for one of her favorite meals (chicken tacos) and cooked dinner for her. She also surprised me with a beautiful box full of all my fav snacks, and a pair of boxers with her face printed all over them (LOL a gag gift, they're my "going out to the bar with the boys" boxers). It was adorable. We had an excellent dinner and got a nice wine buzz. Next we cancelled drinking plans with some friends of ours and decided to just watch movies in bed all night together and spend some "quality time" together if you know what I mean (perfect night).
SO while were choosing a movie I suggest a few and she suggests a few and we haven't come to a compromise yet. At this point she turns over, pouting, and calls me an "asshole" for not wanting to watch a Romantic comedy because its valentines day. I hate rom coms and she knows that and at this point I'm thinking were going to bounce movie ideas off each other until we agree on something like we always do. Then she turns over and refuses to speak to me, I suggest a few more movies, make a few lighthearted jokes, try to brush her hair affectionately, no response. At this point I say "Okay then, I'll choose" so I put on the cheesiest action film I can find in hopes to arouse her sense of humor. She then leaves the room and proceeds to text me saying we should break up because I "make all the rules" and "dont care about her feelings" etc.
Its now the following day and she's still talking about breaking up and I'm completely taken aback. I care about/love this girl A LOT and I go out of my way to be a sensitive/understanding and responsive boyfriend to her and breaking up is never a thought that has crossed my mind. I'm extremely confused right now and i need outside advice. AM I THE ASSHOLE HERE? If so i am absolutely willing to do anything i can to fix this problem, but I'm going crazy over here. Please help.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kjxxfUtI0RWdhAfxFr3cnf3hbytRiTHF
|
aph29x
|
{
"description": "missing plans with my gf due to depression",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for missing plans with my gf due to depression?
|
I'm just making this account to ask this after seeing a few videos about this subreddit,
I struggle quite severely with depression, on top of that i have quite a busy life, I'm a student, I work, I have a sister I sometimes have to care for as I live in a single parent household. I want to preface this by saying that I love my girlfriend, she's not a bad person but she does suffer from borderline personality disorder. Basically, she reacts to things very extremely and she has abandonment issues, so sometimes it can be hard to tell if what I've done is my fault or simply her overreacting. I've missed a lot of plans with her due to things coming up and needing to take care of my sister which though it upsets her a lot she is understanding and tries her best not to get upset at me because she knows i couldn't do anything about it. So, when I do have time for her she really, really looks forward to it, I have missed a lot more plans with her due to my depression, whether it's being unable to get out of bed that day or falling asleep. Once I missed five plans all right after the other with her and i felt terrible because she had a sort of episode and was convinced i hate her, she cried, said she hates me and that I'm horrible to her, when she calmed down she said to me she can understand it happening occasionally but how frequently i do it is a problem as she can't trust me or rely on me for anything and i should make more of an effort for her or at least try to tell her more often. once something came up and I'd be showing up late, I didn't tell her that I'd be getting there late and eventually after stopping at home before making my way to her i fell asleep, she was enraged by it, she cried, called me a cunt and an asshole and ignored my texts for the next day. Am I being an asshole to her and using depression as an excuse or is she overreacting?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
nRFrWujYpKkkCrhtpi9UUjT7OEJQqYiY
|
alr3gv
|
{
"description": "telling someone I am going to scream into their face if they dont stop speaking",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA For telling someone I am going to scream into their face if they dont stop speaking?
|
I work a very stressful job. One that I enjoy, but one thats also grating. I am my own boss, but its a small outfit and I still put in hours every day of every week.
I also dislike people in general. I just find them so annoying and I basically see nothing good in them 90% of the time. Despite this in my capacity as head of my company I have to play the role of a social butterfly. I do this well but everyone has a breaking point.
A "colleague" (not exactly an enemy since we work together sometimes but we are competitors in different companies in the same field) has been pestering me to work on a project with him that will severly limit my ability to be creative and productive.
I also think hes trying to slowly "annex" me and my people through collaborative projects that would all but enslave us to a larger company who we sell too. I hate him now.
As I was leaving a clients office he was there, imo to ambush me, and started giving me an elevator pitch as I walked to my car. I have told him no in a thousand different ways, including just "no."
My car is far away in a parking garage so this goes on and on with him yapping and me gently letting him down.
Finally I snap and just tell him, "If you dont stop speaking to me, I'm going to tell you to fuck off as loud as I can, right in your face."
I didnt stay to see his reaction and just went to my car. I was so angry I threw my table against my wall when I got home. Tables fine but theres a dent in my drywall.
Told employee who thinks I went overboard.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
ChybD9iR0K7AUzrbNZC2YyzExqmT8JLV
|
azcuzs
|
{
"description": "not allowing my boyfriend to smoke weed while driving my car",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not allowing my boyfriend to smoke weed while driving my car?
|
We live in California, and my boyfriend and I recently had an argument over the use of my car. He invited me to seek popular opinion to see whether my demands are unreasonable or not. We share my car; I own it outright and am listed on the insurance as a primary driver, with my boyfriend also included on my insurance policy. We were running errands, and he agreed to drive (we alternate frequently). He pulled out a pipe filled with weed from his pocket and began smoking during the drive. I asked him not to, citing safety and legal concerns. I smoke weed, but would never smoke outside of the legal parameters allotted by our state. He was upset, as he feels he is entitled to smoking while driving my vehicle, and that the general public would not share my concern. He has approved this post and would like to know what others have to say. Thank you!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
wOULUgx3gOOQAZ9ZHdFK0vXFDGb3KomE
|
a2vs6m
|
{
"description": "not contributing to house chores",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for not contributing to house chores?
|
To start, I live with 3 other people.
Our landlord requires us to shovel snow and rake the leaves or we get fined. The last time it snowed one of my roommates (we'll say roommate A) woke up early and did part of the work, then my other roommate (roommate B) helped her. Roommate B approached me and said she couldn't finish and asked if I could do it. I couldn't because I was leaving for class right as she asked, but my last roommate (roommate C) did it since she had the time to. Just to note, I wasn't awake when they were shoveling. I woke up late that day and had to rush to class once I got up. This was a couple weeks ago.
Fast forward to today and the snow has melted. There are leaves that now need to be raked. Roommate A & B raked what they could and have now said I have to finish it by tomorrow. If it's not done by then we risk getting fined.
My issue is not with helping but being told on short notice that if I don't do something in 24 hours, we risk being fined. I told them that I'll do my best to get it done tomorrow but I work and have class. I will be gone for the majority of the day & do not know when I will have the time to do it. Again, I don't mind contributing but had I known this was something I needed to do today, I would have done it today vs. tomorrow. The same thing applies to the snow shoveling, if I had known everyone was chipping in that day, I would have also done it (but I had overslept that day, so maybe the same thing would have happened). I have to be at work in the morning & will try to wake up extra early to get it done, but am I the asshole here??
If I'm being an ass, call me out but I just wanna know.
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
EIFaxT0KjkGCbFuluVis7G5Nl8qB5uKV
|
anhqab
|
{
"description": "wanting to split up with bf after he quit his job, ended his lease and sold his car to move in",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to split up with bf after he quit his job, ended his lease and sold his car to move in?
|
OK backstory:
I have a severely disabled child.
I met my current bf roughly 5months ago through a dating site. At that time he worked overnights had a little apartment and a car leased through one of those "buy here pay here" places.
We dated about a month mostly spending time at my home, dinners, movie night, ect..
We seemed really great together and would often just hang around and play video games. He is very good with my child and didn't seem scared off by some of our daily life difficulties. At this point (about 5wks in) he had been staying over and going to work in the evening for about two weeks. I was all swept up in emotion and suggested he move in since we were both paying steep rent/utilities. He moved in the next week and all was well. After living together about 2 weeks he quit his overnight job and look a daylight position closer to my home. He was about a month behind on his car payment upon moving in and was deciding how to handle it. We decided since I have a vehicle that is paid off and since i work from home we could both use my car and save even more money! He returned his car to the lot and all was well.
The turning point:
Within a month of starting his new job he was very unhappy. He would often complain for hrs each day after working very long shifts and we started to butt heads a bit. I knew that I could afford the bills on my own if I needed to so I told him if he absolutely hated the place to quit and work on finding somewhere else so, two weeks before Christmas he quit. Now we were home together all of the time and after about a month of unemployment we started to argue often. I was becoming financially strapped caring for now three ppl. He did help me with things like housework and my child's care. (Which can be quite draining) now it has been over 2 months that he's been out of work. Im struggling financially. There's no sex happening. We bicker and argue daily. He plays video games for hrs and hrs even when I'm basically begging him to spend time with me.
The dilemma:
I am simply not happy and would like to split but when I bring it up he always says "I got rid of my house, car, job for you" so I feel guilty. He does help with housework and he didn't bail due to my special kiddo so I feel like I should be great full but I'm not happy and feel like I should be able to end this if it's not working. So AITA for wanting him to move out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
jXPSgZhVMmSHHVvqcfx40TGGJqz9jxfL
|
a24i08
| null |
AITA for my behavior towards a former friend ?
|
Some backstory
This former friend and I go to the same university and lived together for two years. Our relationship started to fall apart when I decided to make some different choices in my life to be healthier. Mainly this involved not smoking weed, which after reflecting on that, it was the only thing him and I had in common. Our personalities and interests are too different. He as a roommate wouldn’t do dishes, take out trash, and sometimes would eat my food. He also is very passive aggressive and would never have a direct conversation. With all that and me not smoking weed our friendship whittled down to the occasional hello in passing.
It’s important to note that I used to work at the apartment complex where we lived. This roommate left to go home for the summer early last May but the lease ended at the beginning of August. He left his bedspread, some school supplies, and personal items in the room. The policy is that unless a person renewed for the same room, any possessions they leave behind after they move out will be bagged up and marked. The possessions will be kept in storage for approximately one month and then if the owner doesn’t come back for them the items will be thrown out.
Fast forward to now , I don’t live with the former friend anymore and haven’t spoken to him in months. I live in great conditions with some of my best friends which makes a night and day difference. The former friend and I are both in a mutual organization which had a party. At the party it was oblivious he was very drunk.
He came up to me and asked what I did with his stuff. I told him I no longer work at the apartment and that they probably bagged it and the threw it away when he didn’t come back for months. He accuses me of stealing his stuff .He proceeds to shove me and call me many things but mainly a piece of shit, pussy, low life and thief. I backup and tell him he shouldn’t do this. He is tall and skinny and I am shorter and stockier with a background in martial arts and wrestling. The last thing I want to do is fight a drunk person that is not thinking clearly. He still comes at me.
I try to tell him that I was in Europe for the time that he moved out and wasn’t working with the apartment at that time so there’s no way I could have taken his things or had access to them even if I wanted to. He doesn’t understand logic and had to be held back by another friend and then left.
I sent him a text after he left saying that I would be fine talking to him when he wasn’t drunk and that I’m sorry if he thought I wronged him. He responded with more accusations and nonsense. I have no problem accepting fault for things I do and reflecting inwardly. In this case I don’t think I did anything to him other than cutoff a toxic relationship so am I the asshole for conducting myself this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
4K5g0PQQYKpuo2peqLwOxGsKZgODl1KG
|
b3qkpl
|
{
"description": "slipping by friends I know while on public transport",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Aita for slipping by friends i know while on public transport?
|
Firstly im a soldier that live 5 days of the week in my base and every sunday we go to the base and on Thursday we all return home.
The transportation i take from the base is bus>train>bus>home and vice versa from home to base.
I got no way to escape others other on the bus (i mean the bus between train/base,i never meet someone on the bus home)other then useing headphones but when im between bus>train i uselly try to avoid sitting next to others simply because living with them 5 days of the week requires to "cool off" a bit.
Tricks i use to escape others even if i pass in front of them are useing my phone while walking,going to the bathroom instead of going straight to the train to give them time to take a seat while i pick a different wagen,
Pretend not to notice them while passing near there seat (unless are eyes meet,i cant run away from that).
Its not like i hate them or anything but i always feel a bit of shame while "escaping them"
im pretty sure they realized i was trying to avoid them in the 2 years we serve there.
Aita for avoiding others?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SaTb8YylyWFiiienBca7gFNxPTxOa9KS
|
avyvik
|
{
"description": "breaking my friends tv and refusing to buy a brand new replacement",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking my friends tv and refusing to buy a brand new replacement?
|
To keep it short, I went over to my friends house with my Xbox to play some Apex. To play, I used a spare TV he had laying around. It was 22”, and missing a stand. While we were setting it up, we both acknowledged how unstable the tv was, and how the slightest of bumps would cause it to fall over; I even said jokingly “when this falls over, I’m not replacing it” . Later on, I ended up bumping into the TV, knocking it over and breaking it. I immediately apologized and said “Don’t worry I’ll get you a new one ASAP, a tv like that is only like 80 bucks on Kijiji”. My friend was taken aback by this, and told me to buy him a brand new one, saying “if you break something that doesn’t belong to you, you replace it with a brand new version, period”. I feel like buying him a used TV that has a stand is already fair enough compensation, considering the condition his TV was already in. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ed2VXAafmEtsGdP19Z69PXukyI2SIZHv
|
b83ke8
|
{
"description": "refusing to listen to my mom and give up my puppy",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to listen to my mom and give up my puppy?
|
Super confused so bear with me. I'm a 26F and I live with my 21F sister and my 6M son. We recently adopted a 3 year old chocolate lab almost two months ago. He most definitely is a lot of work but we love him to death. A few days ago, one of my sisters friends asked her if she would dogsit his 3 month old Pitbull for about a month. She asked me and since I have a super soft spot for dogs, I agreed. We got the puppy yesterday. He's very well behaved but him and my 3 year old don't seem to get along all that well. My dog is afraid of him so we've kept them separated for the time being. Well this morning my mom found out about the puppy and completely lost her mind. She said we were extremely immature and did not think things through and demanded we get rid of the puppy this week as she doesn't want a Pitbull around my son. She even said that if it was a different type of dog she wouldn't mind but since he is a pit she is not interested.
&#x200B;
Now my sister and I pay all of our own bills, our own rent and live in our own home. AITA for not listening to my mother?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 18,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TRKtugsaDcLkDbjGPAiQNjr3SnGtB6IX
|
b2cy0j
|
{
"description": "scolding a guy at a bar for being ignorant and having no game",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for scolding a guy at a bar for being ignorant and having no game?
|
I live in Japan. We went to Tokyo for the weekend, and decided to check out a bar people have been posting about online. The place was packed with tons of tourists who had also seen the bar on social media. Unfortunately, most of them were thirsty men.
&#x200B;
My friend made a bad joke about cocaine, and a french guy overheard and decided that he was going to use this opportunity to slide into our group of three girls, placing a hand on my friend's shoulder and pushing into our closed circle. The first words out of his mouth were "Oh, cocaine? I'm new to Japan, I just moved here, perhaps you could show me where to get some good stuff." Cocaine is EXTREMELY illegal in Japan. If you got caught with it, you'd be deported for life (after a stint of imprisonment). Going up to a group of girls you don't know and asking them where to find cocaine is stupid.
&#x200B;
We told him we were from Hokkaido and going home early tomorrow (a lie but whatever), so we had no idea where to get drugs in Tokyo since we're just as new as him, and walked away. He followed us to our table. He sort of sneered and went "Hokkaido? What's that? Where is that anyway?" My friends just turned away and decided to ignore him, but I was irritated. I can't stand people who MOVE to a new country and know nothing about it. So I spent the next ten minutes lecturing him. Japan is a small country. I asked him why he would move ANYWHERE without knowing shit about the most basic geography. You don't have to know every prefecture, but Hokkaido is a huge and popular island that anyone living in Japan should know of. I also told him that if the only way he could think to hit on girls was to insert himself uninvited into their conversation, follow them when they walk away, and ask them to walk him through the process of obtaining drugs, he has no game. He asked me "what should I do then? How should I talk to women?" I told him he could try growing a personality instead of using "I'm new here" to make people empathize with him.
&#x200B;
He was pissed. He asked me "How many countries have you even traveled to? Did you study their geography before going there?" I told him that YES, I do have the ability to do a basic google search and learn a bit about the place I'm going to. But this is a different level. He's not there for a week on vacation, he's MOVING there, and should definitely know more. He called me a bitch, told me I was unwelcoming, and said I probably hate other foreigners. He told me I was gatekeeping by not welcoming other expats with open arms. He extended his hand for a handshake, wishing me good luck with my bitchy attitude. I shook his hand, and wished him good luck finding a map.
&#x200B;
So am I the asshole for "gatekeeping" and even bothering to engage with this guy? I know it was probably a waste of my time, but someone nearby commented that I really went in too hard on him
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sAgv5YHihI2c8OoOeF7RiWWsXslnfJuG
|
agzs28
|
{
"description": "saying \"no\" to my GF a lot",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying “no” to my GF a lot?
|
My GF and I have been dating for almost a year. As of late, I really noticed that she costs a lot. I mean she goes to Starbucks every single day, eats out atleast one meal a day, etc.
Lately I’ve been blessed and have made ~$5000 this month. This information, I chose to share with GF.
Since some time has passed, my GF has been wanting to go out and eat and do things, without realizing that I myself have things to pay for. So this lead to her wanting to go to a restaurant last night and I said I wanted to save some money before going out again.
I’ve spent $200 in the past 3 days and she has spent $30.
Whenever I say no to her she’ll say something like “u don’t hesitate to spend money and go get food with ur friends but when it comes to me you say no”... I’ve gone from feeling 100% validated, to talking to her and feeling 100% in the wrong. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
GarX4V9ck9GPs3Cbk4NPQ3PBGzPzY4IN
|
b0cp2g
|
{
"description": "getting a whole new friend group in front of my current one",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting a whole new friend group in front of my current one?
|
So some explaining i guess. I'm a music guy, and I have a friend group that's beginning to bore me. I enjoy their company sometimes, but to be honest, I'm bored of their hangout spots, and there isn't much I have to say anymore. So I basically joined this band a while back, the other guys were super chill, and since joining I've spent most my time hanging out with them, only meeting my other friends once or twice since then.
I've started going partying with them instead and I've started calling them my squad on Snapchat. A couple of the people from my old friend group have called me an asshole for "dropping them" and basically jumping ship to a new friend group and leaving them behind. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
WQyTHTjHXzkNE4BLpubee3d7sjeMKxwr
|
b2yito
|
{
"description": "spending a lot of alone time with a woman who has a long distance boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for spending a lot of alone time with a woman who has a long distance boyfriend?
|
So this woman and I moved to this area around the same time six months ago. We met at a meetup where people in our age range gather to play games. At first, she just had this guy that she was seeing back where she moved from, but it wasn’t official yet. I could tell that to her, it was, so I didn’t make a move. Then a couple of months ago, he made it official and asked her not to hang out with guys one on one anymore.
They travel to visit each other every so often. He seems to make her very happy, so I’m happy for her. I encourage her to keep things strong with him and have never badmouthed him to her. I’ve even gone so far as to suggest she move up her plans to move closer to him if she can.
That all sounds innocent enough, so here’s the AITA part. At first I tried to honor her boyfriend’s wish and only planned hangouts where it wasn’t just the two of us, however it usually boiled down to us being the last two there. I also have a very giving personality type, so I do things such as make her dinner and if I find a little trinket or doodad that reminds me of her and it’s cheap, I might pick it up for her. There have even been a couple of instances of giving her foot and leg massages after some long runs she went on, to help reduce the soreness (it’s a skill I picked up with my ex). My hands never wandered and most of the time, there was zero eye contact. I kept it as professional and non-intimate as possible. I don’t even hug her “hello” or “goodbye”, so the leg massages are the only touching and only because they serve a functional purpose.
I know that I would never do anything to hurt that relationship since he makes her happy and I just want her to be happy, but I am also doing these things, knowing that if he found out about them without knowing that doing these types of things for friends is just who I am, he might feel betrayed. The only reason why I continue to do these things is because she’s the best friend I have out in this new city, and I’m hers. I just don’t want to lose that friendship.
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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Fio7uv5upeANen5DmOmaKHuGIUxqjakl
|
asar13
|
{
"description": "supposedly fucking up a friendship I had",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for supposedly fucking up a friendship I had?
|
This happened a while ago but it still bugs me to no end. So I met those two girls on my first day at university and as we had all of our classes together at the time we kind of stuck together. Things started kinda well, nothing bad. But then I felt some distance from them until the day they told me they couldn't stand being near my presence anymore.
Now, when they very politely had the talk with me, I asked them what did I do that made them get so angry at me, and the first thing they said (and thus what I assume is the most important for it to be the very first thing they thought) was "the dog thing". What was the dog thing? Well, we were talking about animal testing and we were agreeing that it was a necessary evil especially in the science stuff, but then I asked what really happened with the cosmetic industry and animal testing because I honestly thought that they just put cream on the animal and that was it, and one of them said that they use a substance beagles produce to test things. My response was "ohhh, I see".
There were also some other instances I remember that they didn't really like what I said, and those include saying that everyone should be able to use dreads (don't see this argument being brought up a lot in the US but here it is a big flag to the anti-cultural appropriation movement), saying while waiting for one of the girls to arrive when asked what do we do if the train arrives and she's not here "the worst thing that could happen is we taking the train without her", sarcastically saying that I was a bastard bourgeois (a self depreciating slang we have for middle class citizens) when I knew they were from a poorer background than mine, casually saying the things I did on the weekend (some of them were bastard bourgeois stuff) and maybe some others I don't really remember.
Oh, and one detail I think I should mention: we had a project to do with other five people and those two fought and couldn't stand each and everyone of them by the end of the thing, that's the only piece of evidence that doesn't make me think I'm a complete asshole.
But yeah, in the end I properly apologized to them after a few days (one took it well and the other said "I can't deal with this" and went away and asked a guy for a cigarette when I said I wanted to talk), and my biased friends obviously say I had no fault. But I still feel bad about it, and what better way to see if I was or not an asshole than asking strangers on the internet? And sorry if this post is too long and biased, but I tried my best to be as truthful as I could here.
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HISTORICAL
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n54bahwmuVevTXjN0NtDRiwHByyh89AS
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a7ktjs
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{
"description": "not wanting my Uncle at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my Uncle at my Wedding
|
(Tldr at the end. Will be long and will be filled with spelling mistakes. Sorry in advance)
So basically it's as the title says but I should I explain.
First thing first, I love my uncle. But in recent events i learned some stuff about him that has made me see him in a new light and i dont think he deserves to be at my wedding (which is in 10 months)
It started around a year ago and I found out that he got married to his long time girlfriend (who I dont like for many reasons but thats a different story) and didnt invite any of his family. I understand if he wanted to keep it small but he is always invited to big life event and my father and aunt (his siblings) would have really wanted to be there for him. My dad had no clue they where even engaged until they announced that they where married on Facebook. Not even a courthouse wedding, it was like a 50 people event. My dad never said anything about it but I could tell he was hurt a little.
Then I visited my parents a week ago and while drinking with my mum (we do that, shes like my best friend) she informed me that when my Nana passed away (my uncle and dads mom) 8 years ago my dad wanted to have a nice dinner with all his siblings to pass out the inheritance cheques. My dad was going to pay for all the meals and wanted to spend time with his siblings. Keep in mind shortly after my Nana passed away my dads oldest sister died due to complications with MS. When he invited my uncle to the dinner he said to just send it in the mail. Again my dad was really hurt.
Finally today I find out that this past weekend he had a retirement party and again didnt invite any of his family. My dad didn't even know he retired! I'm kind of angry at him for again not including my dad and aunt in another huge life event!
So that brings me to now. I've been contemplating this since I found out about the cheque thing but now I really dont want him there. I know my dad will want to invite him anyway but I really dont want him to be hurt again when he doesn't come.
And before anyone says anything my uncle is invited to everything, he often chooses not to come. We tried to visit regularly before my nana passes away but after that my uncle started distancing himself so my dad feels unwelcomed to go to his house.
I just feel bad for not wanting him there. Its ultimately up to my dad if he want him to be invited (dad is paying for most of the wedding) but I dont want him to get hurt again.
Am I the asshole?
Tldr : my uncle has intentionally not involved my family in major life events and not come to our life events even when invited, causing my dad to feel upset. I dont want him at my wedding because of this. Am I the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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tWybbAztT60X5UPEKaQCM5PQwbESctkj
|
aoc7fg
|
{
"description": "wanting to close early at my family restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if i wanna close early at my family restaurant
|
A relative decided to take my dog out, to help search of a runaway (I don’t know why they thought this was a good idea). They didn’t secure my dog properly and now my dog is off somewhere running with the runaway. It’s been little over an hour, and my relatives decided to stop searching. AITA if i leave my store rn to go search for my lost pup. (I am the manager/waiter)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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06XLBTC5id0TvkHmW3EA4iWDMhO2PxPn
|
afmpfo
|
{
"description": "being angry with a freind that blew me off",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being angry with a freind that blew me off
|
So my freind who later I will call "Moon" had made plans to play something later in the evening. He said he had to do somethings and he would be back,and me being the person I am waited for three hours only to find out he was playing with another group of Freind's in another game.
So I obviously got upset but didnt confront him about it and just asked why.He didnt really have a answer expect basically this was more important.
Later in the evening maybe 2 hours later I'm doing something else with freinds we were playing a different game and his group has gotten offline so he immedatly joins and want to play. Now illal admit I'm still steamed so I'm doing my best to hold my tongue, and ignore him since I'm trying to focus o the game and dont really want to engage with him in conversation.
Now this where I get angry a Freind Ill call "Calf" who I was playing with told me Moon was trying to get him to stop playing with me and play pictionary. With him. Now this is where I called him out but very passively no yelling. And simply said "it's not great when you cant play with anyone huh?"
(Extremly petty I know but had reached a point of annoyance and was exhausted by the hour this happend)
Now his response is well i felt immature, he leaves and my freind calf tell me he begins shit talking me immedatly I ended my night after the game was finished and feel I need to confront him today but am I the asshole. ( sorry for the length first time big post)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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FoUeY4AihPYJkrzyYsxklot9lRbgyCTK
|
a6ttvl
|
{
"description": "not being able to hold down a job due to crippling anxiety",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being able to hold down a job due to crippling anxiety?
|
For the past 3/4 years I have suffered with crippling anxiety that has ruined near enough every opportunity given to me. I am a 20 year old male and I am on medication and I’m still on a waiting list for therapy. I have gone through so many jobs over the years and haven’t managed to stay longer than a few weeks before quitting due to the anxiety going into overdrive. Hours before my shift my heart rate will be high, I’ll shake, feel nauseous, overthink everything and struggle to breathe as well as suffer with IBS symptoms. The anticipation for the day ahead is so frightening that often I will just call in sick and eventually quit due to the overwhelming feelings.
My family say I need to grow up and take some responsibility earning my own money etc, but I am finding it really hard to hold down a job. They are angry and frustrated with me and they get very disappointed when I tell them I’ve quit, saying I ‘give up too easily’. Reddit AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
HChuqZsgf7dh2GMcc5PblMNM2hDhQenz
|
a3ir26
|
{
"description": "wanting to use my boyfriend and I's joint account to help my mom with a bill",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for wanting to use my boyfriend and I's joint account to help my mom with a bill?
|
My boyfriend and I make money together. At the moment, we're saving for a trip and all of our earnings go into a joint account. We pay for everything out of that account and rarely use individual accounts. We have a different view when it comes to finances; I believe you should still treat yourself with something, whether it be a pedicure, a new blouse or even a trip to the cinema. He, on the other hand is a religious money hoarder and will live like a hermit in the name of saving money for said trip.
I had a job up until September that was very damaging to my mental and physical health. Everyday, he would beg me to quit it and go into business with him full-time. Eventually, I did and I told him that if I leave that job, all of my pre-existing debts and future expenses would have to come out of our joint account, to which he agreed to.
Over a period of 3 years, I've probably spent about $1000 on personal items for myself, whereas he's spent about $200. However, that's because he will live like a homeless person with stretched out boxers that are falling off his ass to call himself a "saver". He also has this thing where if I buy something, he has to buy something of equal value. For example, if I buy an iPhone because that's what I genuinely want, he also has to get one too because I can't have anything that's worth more than his. The thing is, he may genuinely want a cheaper phone but he still would take the full $800 because we have to be equal and I can never have more than him.
Anyways, I still live at home and recently, my mom brought up that I help out with the Cable bill which would be $100. I don't pay any other bills, so this was a pretty reasonable request to me. I told him about it and he freaked out and he doesn't think that I should contribute to my mom's bills with money out of money that he owns too. I got upset and told him that I'd go back to making money aside of him because he literally polices every purchase that I make. He lives with his father and even though his dad doesn't require him to pay bills, he would still take $100 because I'm helping my mom out. If I knew that he was going to act this way when it comes to money, I wouldn't have even quit my job. I know you may say all of this can be rectified if we allot allowances to each other, but because of this trip, it's kind of difficult, so we just take from one big pool. Plus, he doesn't want me to make money aside for myself.
Am I the asshole for spending money from our joint account to help my mom out with the bill? I understand where he's coming from because he believes in equality and he has nothing to do with my mom but at the same time, it is a JOINT account. Also, why would he force himself to spend the same amount as me if he genuinely doesn't need/want to?
TL;DR - I want to help my mom with a bill from our joint account and boyfriend thinks it's unfair to him.
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
GrOitOSFDWvMOsWmPo2ZLVRWcm37Jitb
|
a9su1y
|
{
"description": "no longer allowing my sister's mental health be the crutch that allows her to getaway with being an asshole to me",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for no longer allowing my sister's mental health be the crutch that allows her to getaway with being an asshole to me?
|
Here's the long version, you are warned.
My sister has been diagnosed with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and it is speckled with other fun things like psychosis, anxiety, depression, etc. It's a real hoot. Her condition appeared about 10 years ago. It was never fully diagnosed until recently but we had a whole comorbidity diagnosis for a very long time. She is considered untreatable but has a cocktail of meds to treat some of the other issues like anxiety, sleep, depression, etc. At one point she underwent ECT treatments but it caused more pain and memory issues than it did at treating the illness. She now lives independently (which is a BIG step) and she has a very patient and caring boyfriend who doesn't seem to mind her issues and actually serves as the person she feels most comfortable with and will take the most direction from during her episodes. He lives with her and she has been for the most part very happy with her new independent life with him. This came to great relief for most of us because, to be honest, we have all taken a beating emotionally and mentally for years. After a while it becomes exhausting and we all find ourselves dealing with our own mental health issues as a result of our interactions with her. Nonetheless, we love her and try very hard to be supportive.
Out of everyone in the family, myself and my husband and children, we have gone through some major bullshit with her episodes in the past. To the point of where we had to go through trauma therapy with our kids for a specific experience. In the last 10 years we have all been verbally assaulted by her. She has major hallucinations and disillusions that make her think horrible things about people and she believes it is real and there is no convincing her otherwise. She has also been a very loving and sweet person who cares dearly about us and those around her. You just never know what person you are dealing with and when.
We have made great attempts to being understanding and supportive, even in light of past transgression. My husband began to see some correlation recently that indicated she had some control over her actions but was selective of when she wanted to control herself. I did not see this but my husband saw her illness before I did and so I think I am just blind to a lot of it and how she works.
Over the weekend I chose to have her, her boyfriend, my father and his wife all over for a Christmas dinner. It is not our entire family because my sister does not take to that very well and she is recently very close to our father (which she wasn't about a year ago) so I thought that would be the most comfortable for her. I anticipated some stress and issues but was not prepared for what was coming at me. Most of the night was okay. She had some minor disruptions and asked me why I had an attitude. I didn't but it is common for her to imagine things like this and convince herself of such. So our night continued and then came the sudden halt to the evening's festivities.
My sister, who as far as I know has no interest, care or political leaning, has been apparently immersing herself in TV, specifically FOX news. My father, pro-Trump and proud Republican, immediately begins steering us into the topic of politics for the after dinner chat. I personally don't mind discussing politics because my family is pretty open and non-hating in regards to everyone's politics. My sister however took off in a direction that she made sure I was aware she directed her outrage regarding the topic towards me. My father, Mr. Instigator, knew he fucked up and I don't blame him but I certainly feel like he knew more than me in regards to her politics.
My sister starts her tear by declaring she was raised "in little Mexico with THOSE people". First off, she was raised in a nice suburban to a middle to high income family and went to school with a few Hispanic individuals whom she was friends with growing up. Her entire life is basically the epitome of white privilege. She has never experienced anything, not homelessness, hunger, thirst, cold, or a lack of health insurance. She has had everything her heart desires. She is WELL taken care of and her family supports her even when they sometimes should really walk away.
My sister, in her moment of declaring herself a victim of Hispanics (which pissed me off), hissed and sneered at me for my support of rapists and murderers. I was shocked because 1) my sister has never expressed racism before 2) my sister would normally feel very protective of people who are victims of bias because she herself is a victim with her mental health problems. I was so pissed because she had the nerve to come into my home, once again, and be a total asshole to me and call me evil and rude, and claimed I had an attitude even before the conversation that erupted into her shit storm. Ultimately she lashed out and then informed everyone she was going home. My dingbat father had her drive them because she was DD since she can't drink at all on her meds. So him and his wife have to go, at least in order to not upset her more or as I was informed direct her rage at them for not coming with her, so the evening comes to its abrupt end.
Ultimately I was hurt and angry. I worked my ass off to make sure the night was perfect. I spent a TON of money on food and presents and tried to make my sister feel at home. I was just done. I have officially had enough of it. I love her and as much as I want to support her I don't think I can because her ability to knock me down has been getting better and better. I have even taken her side when it came to health of my family and I think my priorities just need to be me and my own family. She is happy where she is in life and I am happy where she is as well. My husband really feels she is using her illness as a crutch when it best serves her and I really hope not but I did get that feeling at my house the other night. She purposely attempted to ruin the night and I do think her motivations were something outside of her illness and more in line with the fact that she didn't like that my father and I had something we enjoyed conversing about. She seem annoyed when he would get into a topic with me and we would start going back and forth. She would find the opportunity to cut me off and start almost showing off with her ideas on the topic. I didn't take it personally and actually did think to excuse it because "she doesn't know better", but my husband saw it as something else as if she was vying for our father's attention.
In the end, we ended up continuing the shit storm on text where she laid into me about my non-use of text to have relationship with her and my insistence to call her when she hates talking on the phone. She called me evil and untrustworthy and that because I told her she gave me anxiety that I was somehow stealing her thunder and trying to make my mental health more dire than hers. She said she was done with rude people and my f-ing attitude. My response was snide and I told her that I wasn't the one coming into someone else's house and basically shitting all over them while they cooked me dinner, cleaned up after me and made sure I was safe, healthy, happy, and fed. She deleted me from her only social media account told me to never contact her again. A part of me felt relief. Like I exited the hostage scenario I've been locked inside of for 10 years. I felt a sense of freedom and honestly I felt good about being an asshole back to her and not letting her mental health be the reason I should relent and be all apologies. I know she may never speak to me again, honestly. I know she may very well go into a psychosis and this comes back to haunt us as she devises her weird plot of revenge (she has done that to others). I just want to be separated from it and her now. I also want to hold her accountable instead of just letting her use her crutch for everything when it is obvious she knows better. If she can live independent and be self-efficient, she can also own up to her own bullshit like the rest us.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
GAnbHl2LLCqYTikCzwcjPmOxWy4ZV7Vj
|
av4i1j
|
{
"description": "wanting to put my baby up for adoption instead of having an abortion",
"pronormative_score": 265,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for wanting to put my baby up for adoption instead of having an abortion?
|
Boyfriend and I are both 17 and in high school. We used condoms every time we had sex but I guess we must have slipped up or been unlucky. I'm about 10 weeks pregnant according to the ultrasound. Boyfriend is terrified of being a parent and honestly so am I. He wants me to get an abortion, but I don't have it in my heart to get one. I want to find a couple to adopt the child and give him/her a better life. Boyfriend and his family are calling me selfish and saying that I'm trying to ruin his life and that I'm lying about wanting the adoption. I keep telling him that as long as he signs the adoption papers then he's off scot free and won't be responsible for the child anyway but he won't listen to what I'm saying. He keeps telling me that since I'm pro-choice that it shouldn't be an issue but that doesn't mean that I personally want to have an abortion. I'm so confused.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
AdhY1DkHYQGLZptOCHLbKOQx4nccq4j8
|
b76hfg
|
{
"description": "cutting my now ex-best friend out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting my now ex-best friend out of my life?
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My former best friend and I have been friends since college, about 9 years now. I have also been friends with her husband since then as well, as I met them both at the same time. I've been through a lot with the both of them; I was MOH at their wedding, she was MOH at my wedding, I've been their through my friend's DUI and legal troubles, etc.
Since my friend got married to her husband in 2013 she has been pretty flaky, and it's only gotten worse with time. She doesn't answer my texts or calls, sometimes for weeks on end now these days. However, I have always made myself available to her, no matter what time of day, for her phone calls or texts; I always answered right away because I loved and cherished her. She's done some pretty awful things in the past that I've forgiven her for. For example, at my wedding she had to come stag because her husband could not afford to fly in along with her, and she was pretty upset at the idea of 'being alone' during the reception. So, after the dinner at my reception was over she invited some man I've never met to my wedding to hang out with him as her date (she was in an open marriage). That is just one example.
Her life has been on a big downward spiral since 2014-2015. She was an alcholic, got three DUIs and went to jail, has jumped from job to job, and is now going through a separation/divorce with her husband, who I am still good friends with. Not only that, she's had some physical health issues, and has struggled with depression. She recently went to rehab for her alcoholism, for a whopping 45k, which her parents paid for, as they have for nearly everything in her life.
My breaking point was when she ghosted me on a text after she told me she'd gotten into an argument with her mother, whom she and her husband have lived with multiple times throughout their marriage, and she was going to sell all of her things to get a plane ticket to fly back to the state I currently live in. I told her politely that I thought she was acting rash, and that she ought to take a step back before doing something like that. She never texted me again after that. I had to text her husband to find out that she ended up getting the ticket and flying halfway across the US to my state, and that she had already landed safely and had somewhere to stay. Then after all that, two days later and still no text from her, I get an email that she had logged into my hulu account. I was livid. I booted all the devices from my acct and changed my password.
Since then she has texted me twice; two weeks ago with a Rob Lowe meme, and then a few days ago to brag about a kitchenaid she got for her bday. I ignored her texts. My mom says I should at least be cordial because friend knows she fucked up, but I'm through. My friend hasn't asked me about myself or how I am doing for the majority of our phone calls/texts for the past year.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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