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tpvO2SMYV1wQHpeRjKYXegzxNKuuOJDR
|
9ukwr6
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{
"description": "withholding damaging info I received in private",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I withheld damaging info I received in private?
|
To (hopefully) keep things simple, i’ll refer to the main actors as “J” “X” “Y” and “Z”. My goal is to give you a no spin version of the story. I’ll be around for any clarification and updates if necessary.
Context:
Z used to date Y, who now dates X.
Z and X know each other but aren’t friends (read: don’t know each other well)
I am best friends with J, and decently good friends with Z and X.
J is friends with Z and X in the same way as I am.
So:
A few months ago I was at Z’s home. He asks me in a one on one convo if X and Y are dating. I say yes, and he follows that up with telling me that Y sent him a “love letter” recently and expressed empathy for X’s situation. (Remember, Z and Y are exes) He asked me to keep that a secret and I obliged...And that was the end of the conversation. Here’s what I know about the letter: Nothing other than he said it was a “love letter” and Z said he felt bad for X.
I decide it’s best to say nothing. To anyone...but-
Fast forward a month or two, hadn’t thought about it since. I’m a bit drunk and my friend J and I are talking. X and Y come up in conversation. I can’t remember exactly the context/how, but I let slip a bit of what Z told me. J presses for the full story, I end up telling him what I know, and i’m certain I didn’t exaggerate. J immediately wants to tell X, but I asked him not to. Especially since I told Z I would keep it private.
fast forward again to this previous weekend (a month or so later). J was in a conversation with X and told him about the letter Y sent Z. Shit def hit the fan, but I wasn’t around for it. I still don’t know what the fallout is/was.
That’s the story stripped of everyone’s (me included), emotions/arguments/POV/etc, just the facts.
———
I feel like I’m in a bit of a lose/lose situation.
Am I the asshole for withholding the “love letter” info on X’s relationship with Y? If so, am I at fault for what comes after?
Aside from not telling J about the letter (which, in my head, is my most clear violation) is there anything I should have done/should do differently?
(Side question: is a stripped version of the story more or less helpful?)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ay7c6b
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{
"description": "sending my friend medical marijuana from my state to his state (where it's not legalized at all) and using \"Arthur Morgan\" for the fake return address info and insisting that the name had nothing to do with it getting compromised",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for sending my friend medical marijuana from my state to his state (where it's not legalized at all) and using "Arthur Morgan" for the fake return address info and insisting that the name had nothing to do with it getting compromised?
|
Throwaway account. My friend paid me $50 to send him an order from my local dispensary. There was about $350 worth of product in the package - flowers, concentrate, and edibles. It was my first time, but I had been convinced that if we did everything right, there wouldn't be any issues. I used USPS, made sure nothing smelled, just sent it regular ground shipping, and used an existing address for the return, but not my own. And I put "Arthur Morgan" for the return name as a subtle reference to RDR2 because my friend had been playing it and raving about it recently. The package showed up about 3 days later than what it was originally predicted to arrive, and everything had been stolen out of the package. The bottom had been cut open carefully with a knife and then retaped very neatly after the goods were extracted.
We both knew there was a chance of this happening, so we both agree that using AM for the return name wasn't the only thing that could have led to this happening, but I'm not convinced using that name significantly increased the odds of it getting ripped off. My unfortunate friend and a few other people have instantly said I shouldn't have used that name when they heard the story. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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RIGHT
|
4DwJI1UswTGnFQBqVV1cFDGZzeJ1LZ3P
|
at6zia
|
{
"description": "turning down my long-time boyfriend's proposal",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for turning down my long-time boyfriend's proposal?
|
My boyfriend (25) and I (21) have been together for 3.5 years now. We met in university, he was my university tour guide and I was a potential applicant. Long story short we got together and lived together all throughout my university years up to present day. We have had our ups and downs like most couples, but I because I was so young when we started dating (he is my first ever relationship) some of our downs have been because of my immaturity. I have struggled and made great efforts to mature and put myself in his shoes, and we both have made a lot of improvements in our relationship and no longer fight over stupid little things, but I still feel like there we have a long way to go to perfect the relationship. One of our biggest differences is the difference in our temperament. I am an on-top-of-things, no procrastinating, blunt, let-talk-about-it-now sort of girl, and he's mellow, mull-it-over, take-his-time sort of guy. It is often frustrating because he would sometimes become really gloomy or sad, and I would have no idea why because he showed no indication before whatsoever and doesn't want to talk about what is plaguing him when I do ask.
Yesterday he picked me up from work and said we were going to dinner, and that he brought a formal dress for me to change into. I was very surprised, but assumed it was just a spontaneous nice little date arranged by him. After dinner we went for a walk in a nearby park, and he popped the question in a quiet corner of the park with a ring and some balloons. I was very happy and it showed, but I gently told him no, not yet, because of the above reasons and also because neither he nor I have a stable job or settled place to live yet (we still rent and dont plan on living here for the long term), and I feel like we should talk about marriage only when we both have stable jobs and income. He tried to argue that we can figure all of that out after becoming husband and wives, but I respectfully disagreed and said I don't want to rush into things. He seemed understanding at the time, and we went home and knowing that he might be bottling his emotions, prepared a bath for him and gave him a massage before we went to sleep.
He was very moody and sad when we woke up this morning, and asked me constantly if I still liked him and if I plan on having a future with him. I keep reassuring him that I do, but he didnt seem convinced and is still very emotionally unstable when we both left for work. I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't have said no or the way I said it is too blunt/insensitive. Am I an asshole for saying no?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
arblrp
|
{
"description": "letting an old lady fall down",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for letting an old lady fall down?
|
So I was at the end of the line for a Mcdonalds in a food court. The line was very long and my back was close to a table. I had my headphones on and was looking ahead when an old lady started pushing behind me. I quickly assumed that she wanted to get in line so I squeezed myself as close as I could to the guy in front of me. The lady looked angry and pushed past me and fell over. I suddenly realized that she didn’t want to get in the line, but past it. Before I could reach down to help her, her son shoves me back and starts yelling at me that she was asking me to move, and then some racist things at me. I was listening to music on my headphones so I didn’t hear her. Another man stopped her son from trying to hit me and tried to calm him down while helping his mother up. Eventually he and his mother left. I know the son was out of hand but I feel really bad for the old lady and feel like I should of moved for her anyways. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
OfrpPQ4SzOLPg2dmC0baVCBV7gQjfRjw
|
9xvt1z
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{
"description": "continuing to be friends with someone who falsely accused my closer friend of something serious",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for continuing to be friends with someone who falsely accused my closer friend of something serious?
|
I'll spare some details, but basically this girl that I have a completely non romantic relationship with falsely accused one of my best friends of something. She and I are not the best of friends, it's usually just me helping with school work. She and I have always been kind with each other. I feel like I'm going behind my best friends back hanging out with her, yet their conflict does not directly affect me in any way; I wouldn't have known about it if the one good friend hadn't trusted me with the info of said accusation. I cant bring myself to shut her out because of what my friend said, yet I feel like I should?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Xw3aBmyuHUVPOKULamfgrjRwxydeLmFt
|
ag5yju
|
{
"description": "being bothered that my so combined Christmas and birthday gift",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being bothered that my SO combined Christmas and birthday gift?
|
My birthday is around Christmastime and as long as I can remember, family members have always given me "combined" presents. This means that my brother and I basically get the same thing for Christmas and my brother gets another present for his birthday as it is in the summertime. As I am not struggling financially nor am I entitled to anything from my family, this has always been more than okay with me.
However, my SO recently did the same thing and it has been bothering me more than I'd like to admit. When we exchanged Christmas presents this year, my SO wrote "Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday!" on the card. Note that I spent significantly more than my SO for the Christmas present, and my SO's present was an "experience" which both of us would enjoy, not just me. A few weeks later on my birthday celebrations, my SO took me out to dinner but didn't get me another gift. For my SO's birthday, I took my SO out to dinner and got a thoughtful gift. It's not that they have financial problems since I recently hooked them up with a well-paying job through family connections.
Combining the two "gift-giving occasions" while not spending more money than they otherwise would just seems....I don't know. Slightly like a copout? Am I selfish to feel this way? I haven't said anything to my SO but I'm considering asking them not to combine the two next year...
Honestly I'm pretty sure I know which side reddit will take and I already kind of feel like a spoiled/entitled brat even writing out this post, so please call me out if IATA!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
Bh8vvq7Yb1zDNZ3NqokWvX8Gal7qn9iF
|
a4mz4o
|
{
"description": "calling out red flags with men as I see them based on my past experiences",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for calling out red flags with men as I see them based on my past experiences?
|
Hi y'all, I made a throwaway for this. I'm a 29F, and I would like to know am I the asshole for having high expectations and trying to communicate that before things get serious? Am I the asshole for being super sensitive to red flags that have consistently popped up from my own experience?
I have been single now for three years, and boy has shit changed since I got out of my long term relationship of 7 years. Instagram and facebook were already a huge problem in my life when it came to men because my past boyfriend was a serial physical and emotional cheater, a narcissist, and a pathological liar, so he did a number on my level of trust for men.
FFW to my first few "close to a relationship" experiences off of tinder and in person. The first guy I dated I met off of tinder, and he had basically immediately confessed that he just got out of a really toxic relationship and probably wasn't looking for anything serious. I told him that I am in a different place in my life being out of my toxic relationship for a while and I am probably looking for a relationship, so his stance affected the level of effort I was going to put into anything, especially sexually. I was as honest about this as he was with me. A couple weeks in it became very apparent that his idea of "casual" was a lot more like my experience of either actually being in a relationship or being friends with benefits. He was extremely confusing, he would insist on paying for my meals, going on several dates, trying to kindle a sexual relationship, be my therapist almost every day of the week, and then seemingly disappear for a week after being super consistent. He would also seemingly talk about his exes emotional instability a little too often. We eventually did have sex after a few dates, and it wasn't as though I had expected the relationship to immediately change, but he began again with the disappearing act after I had confided in him that I had a really stressful and rough week coming up. At the end of the week he finally asked me how I was doing, and I told him "Okay, but I'm not really too jazzed about having not heard from you for a week after we had sex" to which I got a long defensive speech about how he's been sooooo busy, and that's really unfair, and the phone goes both ways and he expected a "modicum of reciprocity" from me in communication...After that comment and another couple of condescending statements I couldn't help but say he was being douchey, to which he insinuated I had emotional issues, similarly to how I heard him disparaging his ex. I knew right then in my gut I had nothing to lose and said, "Sure (insert generic white male name here), every girl you date is emotionally unstable it can't possibly be you" which I knew would surely end it. He blocked me on everything.
The next guy I actually started to dig came from bumble. He was pretty good with the consistency of communication, I never caught wind of him liking millions of thirst posts. He bought me tacos when I was drunk, made me breakfast in the morning, and was seeming to really wax poetic about how amazing he thought I was. I really thought this might turn into a relationship so naturally, until I invited him to a party. A hot girl brushed up against me that was a roommate of my friend, and I, being the sass monster I am told her she could brush up against me any time after she apologized. Of course I was joking, but my date whispered to me "Well, she IS attractive" with a sheepish smile. Two minutes later he was across the table so obviously flirting with her I almost just walked out. He hadn't even complimented me yet that evening, so I jumped on that red flag and ran with it. I took him outside and recounted the exact situation to him, to which he responded "I didn't know that was the same girl!" as if he was shocked. There were a total of five girls at that party, and she was the only redhead. I told him he was gaslighting me, asked him if he'd ever cheated on anyone before and he said yes. I told him it was probably best we don't see eachother anymore, he seemed pretty gutted but I felt I made the right choice. Now a year later he appears to be in a happy relationship, and despite my forcibly removing him from my social media and having had nothing but a sexual relationship with him, he is now again all up in my business. Why while he has a girlfriend? I can only think of one reason, that I was correct in my lack of trust.
Most recently I was pursued by a guy that I met during a summer geology course in the mountains. I thought this guy was very cute but I hadn't said a word to him the whole night at the party we had both attended. He then found me on facebook and instagram and began flooding my messages and lovebombing my photos and stories. He lived about six hours away in my hometown that I visit often, and at this time I started to notice that he had pictures of a girlfriend that did not seem to fit any sort of "break up" timeline, and kept note of this red flag. Although I could liken some of his flirtatious memes and messages to emotional cheating, I became certain that they broke up when he sent me some super suggestive content, which then eventually escalated to trying to solicit a nude sharing relationship. I am not exactly a prude in this regard and entertained him because a vast 95% of our conversations before and afterwords were still real conversations. He was mindblowingly consistent, hitting me up every day like a boyfriend, saying "Goodnight Sweetie" and "Bisoux" which means kisses and french when I would go to bed. He would send me cute memes of animals to brighten my day, and ask lots of questions about my life. IT got closer to a holiday that I would be coming home, and he had stated he wanted to take me out. I agreed that we should date, but as it got closer and closer to the holiday I heard nothing of planning. He was practically silent just up until I was about to leave to come home, of course he'd known he'd have to resume communication to actually see me...
I noticed that during this time I was being ignored, the vast majority of his friends on instagram were girls. I noticed that during this time where I was receiving inconsistent attention and assuming he was busy, he was actively liking and commenting on suggestive photos of girls frequently, reminding me of how he pursued me. I chose not to mention this out of fear of sounding jealous and crazy, we weren't in a relationship, but I couldn't help but get the feeling that there were also girls he was messaging just like me when I was getting silence. After he expressed little interest in actually planning a meetup in town, we did actually get together to watch a movie, kiss and cuddle. Mild sexual favors were involved but nothing super serious, however I was a little annoyed because I had mentioned beforehand I just wanted to cuddle and he still tried for it anyway. He acted completely smitten, talking constantly about how good I smelled, telling me he smelled me for days after. He kept up the attention for a couple of days and then again to my surprise suddenly started to taper off, and I would see that he wasn't liking any of my things but still actively liking the stuff of plenty of other women. Childish I know but this set off fucking alarm bells to me that for my own mental health I needed to get out of there, something was telling me to look in the first place so I needed to trust that feeling. A whole day went by without a message, and then I saw him comment on and like a photo of a girl he's liked a lot of photos of before and had it. I felt crazy already, but I messaged him and I politely stated, "Hey, I hope you're well. I just wanted to keep you updated on whats going on with me. I think it's best we don't see each other when I come into town again. I've been getting this strange feeling you're splitting your attention with me and other girls when you're not contacting me, and I've had that feeling since before we met up. I know there's no expectation of exclusivity but to me it just kind of makes me feel like maybe you like those girls more and for my own mental health I think I should stay away from that"
Well he immediately got defensive, saying "I'm sorry you feel that way," which isn't an apology, it's a stereotype. He then demanded that I prove to him that he had actually liked and left a thirsty comment on another girls photo (he had done it 8 minutes before -\_-) to which I said "Oh okay, so you're an actual asshole" because I'm so tired of being gaslit about things boys know they did. When I sent him the photo I had seen 8 minutes earlier, he responded, "That's just my ex." I don't know who in their right mind would think that its better that they frequently like sexy selfies of their ex, but neglect to like any of their work accomplishments or non-sexual posts. He spent the latter portion of the conversation trying to convince me there was no one else, he was a good guy and I was 'mischaracterizing' him, that he believed in honest and open communication and I should have told him I felt this way sooner. He kept saying because there was no expectations it didn't make sense that I would want a heads up that he liked someone better because transparency to him that meant "exclusivity." He kept saying how much he liked me when we met and now, as if it wasn't red flaggy at all that he had a girlfriend when we met. By the end of the convo he all but had be saying "Okay okay I believe you I must be crazy and PMSing or something" because I knew I hadn't exactly been civil. When I woke up in the morning, he messaged me and regurgitated almost my exact words. "I think we have different expectations and it's best we don't see eachother anymore" and blocked me on everything.
Granted I'm usually the one doing the blocking in these situa
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
gv7HdgSmh1TtzPBgIZjGsXjpWfRrkdBR
|
9ulorc
|
{
"description": "telling my mother on my brother after a recent suicide attempt",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For telling my mother on my brother after a recent suicide attempt.
|
So a bit of a backstory. My brother attempted suicide this past summer. He is battling depression and at the time drug and alcohol addiction. He went to a mental health facility and then rehab to get cleaned up and get his life back on track. This affected all of us as a family and that if something like this happens again we would keep each other posted.
Cut to tonight:
I was at work when my brother started to message me saying that he started to cut himself again (during he addiction period he started to cut himself alot) and that he was doing it for endurance and wanted to see how much he could take. I'm starting to worry and ask him what's going and he responded with he is fucking around etc etc and the proceeds to call me laughing and as he talking there is a bit of slurring in his voice so I can tell right off the bat he was drunk( I know it's common for people to relapse) and I'm worried and pissed at the same time. He tells me that he cut his shoulder pretty deep and sent me a picture and yes it was pretty deep from the looks of it. I tell him to go to the hospital and he won't listen to me to which he says dont worry and dont tell anyone in the family because he'll "Beat the shit" out of me. At this point I really didnt see a choice as of everything that has happened so I called my mother and explained the situation to her and she said I did the right thing by telling her and that she will find a way to talk to him. She did talk to him and he is now pissed for what I did.
So AITA for quote on quote telling on my brother about his current situation because I personally feel an asshole for it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
w5jbWfSQ3dch33mmRFFXrhxhJ97cknNo
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9xdssf
|
{
"description": "yelling at my ex for throwing shade at me on her instagram",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for yelling at my ex for throwing shade at me on her instagram?
|
I dated this girl in the color guard. Her and i had a pretty decent relationship but then she randomly broke up with me. I was sad for a little bit but I healed fast because the relationship didn’t last long. Then a couple weeks ago when I offered her my percussion books and a pair of drum sticks since she was thinking about doing indoor, she said she wanted to try again with me and that she was sorry for breaking up with me, and I accepted her apology and said that we could try again so long as we become better friends
But then a couple days later she completely retconned what she said by saying “I hope you realize I don’t want a relationship with you and we’re only going to be friends.” Weird flex but fine.
And then she removed me off Snapchat and by that point i was like “whatever” so I just moved on with my life
Well early this morning she requested to follow me on Instagram and I accepted because I thought she wanted to be friends again, and i was willing to forgive her. So I requested to follow her back and she accepted as well
So i was liking her posts when I came across something. The post description said “don’t you just love it when your ex is trying to get with your best friend” i was furious for several reasons. 1) I wasn’t trying to get with her best friend, in fact I NEVER hit her up first, she’s always the one to text me first. 2) it wasn’t posted long before she followed me(only by a few hours) so obviously she was still thinking this. So I posted on my story that what she was saying wasn’t true and that I couldn’t believe she was gonna act like that when I just want to be on good terms with her.
So later today i got a message from one of her friends responding to my story saying I need to shut the fuck up and that she’s gonna beat my ass because I talked shit about my ex. At that point I had enough, so I decided it was time to confront my ex about the situation
She said that she had a right to say that stuff on her instagram because I talk shit about her all the time(which isn’t true. Like I said I’ve pretty much moved on and only made some comments about her when she got brought up by my friends which is rarely) and that i was basically doing the same thing. So I explained that I didn’t really say shit about her aside from a few times and that I only posted about her on my instagram story today so I could defend myself. So she said don’t ever talk to or about me again and blocked me afterwards
I feel kinda bad because I still cared about her a lot and I didn’t want to hurt her. So what do you guys think, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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MhN5OouPHJgvCOAspFVZvGBKweubK0Ik
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asftog
|
{
"description": "getting upset with my friend with cancer",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my friend with cancer?
|
Backstory: My friend was diagnosed with an immune-system cancer about a year ago and had been through all the standard cancer treatment stuff. Just before the new year, he finished his chemo and radiation and was back to getting in shape and regrowing hair and what not. In the past, he would interject in conversations that have nothing to do with his health and talk about his cancer, mentioning it very casually and often killing the mood. We'll be talking about how hard/tough something is and he'll be like "not as tough as chemo". Most recently (besides what just happened) when another friend and I were talking about our career growth, he randomly mentioned how we should just live stream from a hospital and reap donations for being sick. It's been silently agreed upon with other friends that while it gets annoying, we'd be assholes to call him out on it since he was dealing with cancer/chemo/radiation/etc.
​
Enter yesterday night. We were playing some video games when I ask him a question about where he wants to work next, in state or out. He answers by saying something along the lines of "well I have to worry about surviving first and then we'll see". For some reason I react (usually I just ignore it), and I don't say anything for the duration of the game. When I tell him I don't want to play anymore, he calls me out, knowing what he said, and questioned my friendship with him, mainly because he doesn't know if we're friends and that friends should realize that cancer is forever going to be a part of his life. I told him that he killed the mood and I didn't want to "deal with it". He answers with "well I don't want to deal with cancer, but it's the reality". I really didn't know how to answer him at that point and it just became awkward.
​
I've since apologized to him about my behavior and my lack of understanding and general ignorance of his ordeal. I figured it was for the best to just admit fault, even when I don't really think I was out of line to be upset about what happened. He's now told me he's just not going to bring it up when I'm around, but that's not really the resolution I'd hoped for. As a potentially last update to his health, he told me that there's still cancer cells apparently and that he'll likely need surgery and more chemo soon. I obviously had no idea, I figured that the cancer was in the backseat since the new year and so now I feel guilty and even worse than yesterday. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
3bFftbdSIajGDCu2je1TwvycrDaq0q43
|
b2fp5s
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{
"description": "letting my brother walk his broken bike under the rain",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for letting my brother walk his broken bike under the rain
|
My 16-years-old brother goes to school by a motorbike and it has been broken from last saturday, suddenly, it worked again on sunday early morning but i still told him to go fix it. He had the whole sunday yesterday( i got some places to be then so i told him to find a garage to fix it). I'm sure i gave him enough money to replace any part of his bike, it was even enough to replace half that bike but when he got home by sunday noon :
Me: -yo, how is your bike now?
He: -I'm not sure, it wasn't fixed
Me: -what, what wasn't fixed?
He: -mmmm, i went, i went but they said it may have just a futile problem and as you see, it still works, i rode it the whole morning
Me: - rode where?
He: -mmmm, i was hanging out with friends
Me:- yeah, cool, you stupid ass, what did i tell you, it's broken meaning it's broken and cannot fix itself, you can ride it now but it can be broken back at any time. Again, i'm telling you, go right this afternoon and fix it anyway or don't you dare ask my help when it is broken back.
He:- ok
Then he was outside till i went to bed and go to school today morning, i didn't know if his bike was fixed and today he just texted me:
-help me, the bike is broken again
Me: - what, wasn't it fixed?
He: - actually, no, i......
Me: - shut the hell up, you didn't listen to me, go fuck your self.
He: - i know, but it's raining right now and i didn't bring a raincoat, come get me home i promise i'll go fix it later
Me: -fuck no, i don't care you stupid ass.
So i let him walk his bike home a 6km way or if he's not stupid that much he can stop by a garage somewhere but i guess not, i don't even bring a raincoat just because he didn't see a raindrop in the morning.
If you wonder, in my country, 16years old kids are still at 10th grade and they go to school 6 days a week, 4 hours a day so my brother leaves school at 11am, he hasn't got home yet.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
IkNrFRW792nRRznIQBFPjCjUQIA0kPw0
|
ara05f
|
{
"description": "seeing a video of this guy video taping himself giving sandwiches to homeless people and commenting that he was vain",
"pronormative_score": 243,
"contranormative_score": 243
}
|
AITA - I saw a video of this guy video taping himself giving sandwiches to homeless people and I commented that he was vain
|
Yesterday online I saw a post titled “My First ever LinkedIn Video. Me giving out sandwiches to the poor.”
I thought this was incredibly vain so I commented “It was nice of you to do this but I’ve never been able to understand why people feel the need to video tape and post themselves doing something nice. Doesn’t this kind of defeat the entire purpose of doing a good deed? it becomes clear that your motivation isn’t exclusively that you want to help others?”
I received a good amount of hate for this comment so I’m wondering reddit - AM I THE ASSHOLE??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 220,
"OTHER": 165,
"EVERYBODY": 23,
"NOBODY": 78,
"INFO": 7
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 243,
"WRONG": 243
}
|
RIGHT
|
LjYiCkOT1gtGokcv4mfL4es7uqDUeIYf
|
alqe65
|
{
"description": "ditching a messy group",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ditching a messy group?
|
My school has an east coast trip where we visit major monuments in Washington DC and other areas. Like any other school trip we can choose groups, the people in your group basically do everything with you. One of my friends whom i will call Kyle wanted to be in a group with me. I said yes and we were set. We had to have 3 people in one group so we found another person. Some issues occured and he wasn't gonna be able to go. So now Kyle brought in a person i will call Greg. I find Greg annoying and irrational. He constantly makes racisct and sexual remarks. Additionally he sometimes punches or rough houses with you as a "joke". I could not spend an entire week with that person, so i left the group and found anothers. Now Kyle is pissed with me because I left the group. Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
2yjxyfdv3WrihTvZOmM0AQ7GofkzBv97
|
b0s87b
|
{
"description": "thinking my brother should play video games in his room",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for thinking my brother should play video games in his room?
|
I (23f) am not really a video game person so I'll admit I don't really know anything about the kind of games my brother (21M) plays (things like WOW, DOTA, League). But it makes me very uncomfortable when my brother is constantly screaming, swearing, banging on things, saying things like "go fuck your mom" or worse in the family room, sometimes even at night. You have to walk through there to basically go anywhere in the house. If anyone tries to talk to him while he's playing a game he will get angry and yell or cuss them out. He says it's rude to look over his shoulder when he is on the computer but when his screen faces out toward the room you can't really help it. He has a laptop but he always plays downstairs because he likes to use the Ethernet plug. He says the internet is too slow in his room. The wifi in my room is like 80mbps. I don't know how it could possibly be very much slower in his room based on where the routers are. I've brought this up to him and he just told me to fuck off because I don't understand games. My parents encourage his behavior because if he played in his room he would never come out of it and tell me to just ignore the yelling and don't talk to him when he plays a game. AITA for thinking if he wants to yell and scream at all hours of the day and night he should do it in his room?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
bw8c1Yktqc09kpf0SlJCMbjyMW8EXBWN
|
b2c6gn
|
{
"description": "removing a friend's access to my Google account without letting her know",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for removing a friend's access to my Google account without letting her know.
|
I have a few friends that I share account info with for my accounts like Netflix and Google Play Music. Yesterday night, one of my friends (K) texted me and asked me if I was still listening to music as Google Music only allows a couple of people to stream at the same time before starting to kick people off. I told her that I hadn't listened to any music at all that today. I checked my history and figured out another friend (D) was listening to music on my account. I told K about it and said that since I was better friends with K, I would just remove account access from D's device so K could use it without getting booted off. I then removed access to my account for D's device.
Fast forward to this afternoon when I woke up (I work overnights.) and I have a text from D being mad at me that I didn't just text her and ask her to stop listening to music so K could listen. I expect K told D about this situation as they are good friends. I didn't reply to the text message.
AITA? I used to be good friends with both K and D, but ever since D moved (still in the same town) she hasn't made much of an effort to hang out with me as much as K has. I don't feel like me doing what I did should be a problem as it is my account and I think D was out of line even bringing it up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
jxgFBCBPOUgeDXbnwE26lcrCyeESMYKE
|
ar1twh
|
{
"description": "not attending my fathers funeral because I never had a relationship with him",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not attending my fathers funeral because I never had a relationship with him
|
Some family drama for context. My father has ‘abandoned’ me twice. Once when I was three after an argument with my mother (they had broken up long before I was even born), and a second time when I was 14 after being in contact with him for a year (he suddenly stopped calling or texting me).
My mother happens to be dead and the last piece of contact I ever had with him was when she died. He messaged me on Facebook with a kind of generic I’m sorry for your loss that I had been receiving a lot since the loss of my mother. At the time I was only nineteen and I blocked him after these messages due to a lot of pain. He knew where I lived and I was angry that he didn’t seem to want to help me above sending a message.
I still have a fairly decent relationship with a lot of my fathers family. I’m close with an aunt and I speak with some other family members through text or I give them a call now and then.
Sadly my father passed away recently and I only got the news the other day. To be completely honest I didn’t really feel anything (it makes me feel like a monster kind of) at hearing his passing.
My fathers wife got my number, I’m assuming from my aunt, and gave me the news. They live in the same country as me but in completely different sides. I don’t really want to travel such a long way for a funeral of someone I really didn’t know. I asked when the funeral was mostly out of politeness and my dads wife gave me the location and the date. I told her I wouldn’t be able to attend. While it’s loosely true I made the excuse that I wouldn’t be able to go because I have a child and couldn’t find someone to babysit. Along with not being completely able to afford paying for a hotel and travel.
My dads wife seemed obviously a little annoyed at this and just kind of hung up the phone quickly after I said I wouldn’t be able to come. She was polite but there was definitely resentment there.
TL;DR: my father died and I don’t really want to attend his funeral as it is incredibly far from where I live and I never really knew the man anyway due to multiple instances where I was abandoned.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
GvD0cDcfES8slOCXXhR6gKEkuJAA2fNF
|
a4ofc2
|
{
"description": "thinking my husband should have gotten more recognition for a beer he created and brewed at a local brewery",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking my husband should have gotten more recognition for a beer he created and brewed at a local brewery?
|
Genuinely asking because I'm really not sure.
My husband entered a home brewing contest a year ago, and won in a category with his rendition of a smoked beer. Local commercial brewers were in attendance as judges, and one approached him to tell him how awesome his beer/recipe was, and told him he'd like to brew it with him at his Small-town Brewery and sell it. My husband was excited to try his hand at a full brewing system so he accepted.
He spent several days at the brewery, monitoring every step and working with the brewer to make sure the larger scale version matched the winning home brew.
He got invited to the brewery the day it was released, so we all drove an hour there to celebrate. It was listed on the draft list with no mention of his name, which I was a little sad about but I guess understood - their equipment, their brewery, etc.
Husband had messaged brewer asking if he could get a single use small keg of the beer to bring home, and he said absolutely! The brewer was not there yesterday however, and when husband asked the brewer's wife about it she said no such keg had been set aside.
So instead she fills up the growler my husband brought with him, and charges him full-price.
Note - I realize that it's their brewery, their rules. But the more I think about it the more I get annoyed about it. They wanted to brew his beer because it was a quality recipe, and I think maybe just one gesture of good-will like a free growler would have been nice, since they were making money off the recipe and not mentioning his name as creator and co-brewer at all.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
aL8KrncuRMlowZKo3NmDWXQWaJKt7UrY
|
aze0q0
|
{
"description": "telling my gf that she wasn't traumatized",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 28
}
|
AITA for telling my gf that she wasn't traumatized?
|
My gf recently had a huge blowout with her boss which led to her getting fired on the spot. They argued on and off for probably 6+ hours and from the sounds of it it was a very uncomfortable conversation where her boss did a lot of ranting and she felt that she couldn't get her point across. The argument was over a pretty minor communication issue at first, but it sounds like her boss brought up old issues and that overall it was a very unpleasant argument.
She had another job lined up before this fight took place so this wasn't going to mess up life plans or anything major.
After she told me about this blowout, she kept saying that she was traumatized by this argument. Something about that wording really bothered me and I made a face when she said that and told her that a single uncomfortable argument is not traumatizing. She said that she really was traumatized and didn't know why I was downplaying her trauma. I moved passed it because she was still upset in general and I love her and didn't want to make her day worse, but it really bothered me that she said that this traumatized her. It just really rubbed me the wrong way, it's as if any unpleasant experience counts as trauma to her. I hesitate to say that my sister's death traumatized me, and she says that one fight is traumatizing? Came across as privileged.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 25,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 28
}
|
WRONG
|
5jPuYLjPh35eoBJtHlLUArwUl1kxki6f
|
b69by4
|
{
"description": "telling my mom to stop helping me when I didn't ask for it",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my mom to stop helping me when I didn't ask for it.
|
For example yesterday my pointed out my acne has been doing worst, and pointed out to me and tried to give me advice for it, but it just annoyed me. Because i never asked her for advice on my acne. ive been really stressed and the last thing i needed to hear was "your face looks worst"
Another time she told me my boobs were too saggy for my age, and i need to start doing things so they wont get worst in the future.
Its one thing if this were once, but she does it all the time even when i tell her i dont want her advice. everytime this happens we start a fight and she tells me i should just leave if i dont want her helping me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wwCFGU9suPn38wPnDtjVkehjLprgaJii
|
azdl28
| null |
AITA Didn't go on a date because I knew what she was like?
|
One of my girl (friends) asked me on a date this Friday after watching captain marvel with a couple of friends. I said no and she laughed and asked if I was serious, I told her yeah and she asked why. I responded with well you never seem to take any relationships seriously and I don't want to waste my time on something meaningless to you. She didn't really respond and walked away to her group of friends, and one of her friends told me that I was a bitch for not even trying to date her(later that night through ig dm. To be fair she is always posting about her new boyfriend and her dramatic breakups atlases 1 time per month and I'd honestly rather not do that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
fwiezDOCqLPdiIezGu9OtKORfqgt02Fs
|
a0sjwr
|
{
"description": "intiating sexual conduct with someone who I knew was recently out of a breakup",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for intiating sexual conduct with someone who I knew was recently out of a breakup
|
I know, the title looks bad, and this sentence as well. For a while I didn't think I was but I am warming up to the fact that I may be an asshole. Here's the breakdown.
\*Girl in relationship for two years with Ex
\*Girl breaks up with Ex because he's a prick, still lives with him
\*A couple months later I invite Girl over for a date
\*We make some food, it's fucking awesome
\*Buy a couple drinks, drink them
\*It's night now, we've been watching some stuff on Netflix for a bit
\*I look at her, she looks at me, we kiss
\*She talks about how she can't believe I am kissing her, she's been waiting for this moment for a long time (even when her and Ex were together, but she didn't act on it because she was in a relationship)
\*Things escalate, I ask if I can grab her breasts, she says that's fine, we take off bra after a funny exchange
\*I ask to go down on her and she's like naa
\*I don't
\*We sleep, wake up, kiss some, all rad
\*Hang out all day, make out a good bit
\*Night comes, ask to go down on her, I explain that I'm not gonna try to have sex with her until we talk about it
\*She says yes
\*Next day she leaves
Uh, so basically for the next two weekends she'd come over, always talking about how she can't wait till the weekend, she comes over, lots of going down and making food and watching Netflix. There was a time she reached her hand into my pants and I was like woah na, we need to be careful. I still haven't gotten to the store to get any protection. She understands.
Something happens and it creates a situation where her and I would be around her ex. She explains that we can't act like we've been spending time together around him because he could ruin her life.
Makes sense, but it threw me off so I kind of just told her that I'm not willing to be played with like that, so she gets REALLY angry.
Told my friends that we had only kissed. She also said that I offered to go down on her the first weekend but she refused. Got angry at me for trying to make things move too fast.
My friends get angry at me for advancing things so fast while knowing she had recently exited a long relationship.
I can understand the whole moving fast thing for sure. And I initially felt justified because I asked if she wanted anything I'd done and she'd tell me yes, when she said no I didn't, I didn't continually ask her. (I guess I did the next night, is that too much? I don't know). The fact that she was in my apartment without a way to drive herself out could possibly have been a concern, keep in mind we are in a place we are both very familiar with. It also bothers me that she came over two more times after that and was totally comfortable around me, talking to me about the future or our relationship and how things would progress.
However, I am mostly just wondering if I'm in the wrong here with the consent. IF she did feel that I was trying to move things too fast, then she would have said no on the second night, surely? Or if she was afraid to do that, maybe just tell me, or even another option, just not come over next time.
Any help here would be insanely helpful, I'm starting to lose sleep now and it's a real issue. Thanks for your time
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
cKXTpgBx9vTpNUzIh10dqlAbCWW2k55O
|
b1mkzs
|
{
"description": "lying about my service dog's name",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For lying about my service dog’s name?
|
Okay hear me out first please!
I have a service puppy in training and she is a corgi. See my post history for pictures of her. She’s adorable but still young so she can get distracted easily but I am owner training her with the help of a professional. Now she is for both psychiatric and internal health reasons but when I first got her I would tell people her name. I didn’t see the harm in it and she was working on socialization something that is really important for service doggos.
Now that she is older the fun socialization part ended and I am working on the hard part with her. The training. But I have people when I am taking her to class (am in college) or the grocery store (in my state SDiT has the same rights as SDs) and call her name. She is really good at refocusing her attention back on me but I have had medical episodes in that she hasn’t caught because some idiot kept whistling and calling her name.
Now I have began to sort of call her a nickname. For example say her name is Lola (not her actual name) I say her name is Lucy or Lily, something close to her actual name but not her actual name.
People actually get upset at me saying they have a right to either pet her or call her by her name because they miss their dog at home. Or they were having a bad day. Or I don’t have to be such a bitch about it. Or i even had one guy call me a retard when he found out it was for psychiatric purposes.
Anyways AITA because I change my dog’s name slightly to avoid people distracting her when she’s working?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
IwUrz3odCC5BBdzpcapTEavWT3lVDR3S
|
awhng8
|
{
"description": "demanding to eat out of KFC's garbage can",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITAH for demanding to eat out of KFC's Garbage Can?
|
I was at a KFC/Taco Bell and it was exceptionally busy, there was a line out the door. While I was waiting in line apparently an elderly man grabbed an order that was not his and left. Around the same time that it was my turn to order the elderly man's order came to the counter. A guy grabbed it and took maybe two steps away from the counter, looked into the bag, and brought it back to the counter. He then very loudly and a bit aggressive threw it down and said "That old man took my order." I thought he was being unreasonable since the worker's didn't do anything wrong and I am sure they would just make the guys order again. Anyway, in the very small verbal spat one of the employees took the old mans food and threw it in the trash behind the counter. This trash can was admittedly very gross, it was overflowing and had sauce, and who knows what else caked all over it. However, the food was in a paperboard box and that box was in a plastic bag.
​
So while placing my order I say "I'll take that food that was just thrown out". The cashier turns and looks at what I am pointing at and she gives me a look of pure discuss, and says "That is in the trash." I reply telling her it is fine, it is in a bag. We go back and forth a little, so I turn to the line behind me which can clearly hear the discussion, for a little backup. I look at the general crowd and say "It's in a bag, there is nothing wrong with it, right?". The people in the line looked completely mortified. One person actually said "nasty!". To keep it short, I went back and forth a little until this guy in the crowed said "Just fucking order and move over". I gave up.
​
While standing to the side waiting for my food everyone was looking at me with pure hate. I couldn't believe it, I think it is crazy to completely waste perfectly good food. AITAH?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
SSlKW81I13z6cnXYdsj1riCAHygKmgJg
|
as7o9a
|
{
"description": "asking my husband to get a job now that the kids are old enough",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my husband to get a job now that the kids are old enough
|
I and my husband have been married for 17 years (42f &40m). We have two kids(16f & 12f).
We decided that my husband would take care of the kids since I have a higher paying job and childcare is way too expensive here. He has been doing so since the birth of our first daughter.
But now, the kids are old enough and they no longer need someone to babysit them. We could really use some extra money and I asked my husband to find a job. But he insists that the kids need him and it was unfair of me to ask him to work after almost 16 years after staying jobless.
All he does is work out, play videogames, and watch Netflix. I think he's just being lazy. He thinks that I don't appreciate what he does and thinks I'm being unfair. AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
YfSzdWM74adEDF7t6ws2fIxKKxKhpJZa
|
agblfx
|
{
"description": "not wanting a long distance relationship",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting a long distance relationship?
|
There's this guy who, I'll admit, I kind of have feelings for. However, he lives almost 2,000 miles away from me, which means that we'd (probably) never be able to meet up in real life. I think he's awesome and everything, but I don't want my first relationship to be a long distance one. He seems so upset whenever I remind him that I don't want to be in a relationship because of the distance, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
a58MW0jNxWzxC6wqOAftTVWDRll9wZ3v
|
b6dxf1
|
{
"description": "dating a younger person",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
WIBTA If I Dated a Younger Person?
|
Hi, I made a throwaway account for obvious reasons. I'm a girl, I'm 19 years old. And there's this other girl...she's just fantastic. She's so much fun to be around, she's cute, she's funny, we have so much in common. And I think she might like me back a little. The only problem is...she's fifteen. Well, she's about to turn sixteen in just a month or two, whereas I just turned nineteen, so it's only a three year difference, but...I'm still worried to ask her out. I've heard so much about older people manipulating younger people and I don't want to be like that. So would I be the asshole if I asked her out knowing we have a bit of an age difference?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
P9GHplBtoaDI8n8jsbNdxnoUhBWkvQjR
|
b1nyp2
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friend for a test",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friend for a test?
|
I have a friend who asked me if I have ever heard of the Rice Purity Test (for those unaware google it and read through the questions)
If you don't feel like googling it, it's just a 100 question quiz about things you've done that pertain to sex, intimacy, drugs, police and alcohol.
Well this friend is aware that I've done no drugs, never had a drink, and never been intimate with anyone and I'm pretty insecure about the intimacy part (most of the questions are sexual) so when they asked me to take it I was a bit offended. Am I wrong to be offended? Am I overreacting?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
3QDouQTeAcBj3D4xWHRMc1lv8qpIOqRq
|
aku3nt
|
{
"description": "making fun of someone who used to bully me in High School",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making fun of someone who used to bully me in High School?
|
I'm off work for a week and thought it would be a great chance to go and visit some family. I hopped on the charter bus and as soon as I did, I heard an eruption of laughter coming from the back of the bus. I look up only to find the girl who used to bully me in high school, staring directly at me, and laughing to her friend. I haven't seen this person in 5 years, I've made no contact, I've blocked her on all social media platforms. This was a bit jarring but I took my seat and put my earphones in.
I made a post on social media about the incident, along the lines of "I havent seen you in 5 years, why are you carrying on with the same shit".
I thought my friends would find the situation funny.
One of the other girls she used to bully had commented, asking who she was. I reminded her and we had a laugh at the bullies expense. I made a remark about her not changing since High school.
This girl, was horrible, inside and out. I had a month of school because my Uncle, who I was very close to, passed away and I didn't know how to deal with it. It was around that time I was diagnosed with GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder). I went back to school somewhat confident that I could manage my emotions. I was wrong. I walked into class, got my stuff out and was ready to get back into it. The bully knew of my situation because her family knew my family. She kept asking me how my holiday was, she kept making fun of me for being weak, I removed myself from the sitaution, and subsequently had a panic attack in the bathroom.
Long story short: I hopped on a bus on my way to visit family. A girl who used to bully me, laughed right in my face and talked shit about me to her friend. I made a facebook post about "people not changing" to which one of the other people this girl bullied commented on the post. We made fun of her and how she used to treat people.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
dawGhujjSZRW4AP44ZKtazFnXQgij06y
|
a95w5a
|
{
"description": "thriving on \"I told you so?\"",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for thriving on "I told you so?"
|
This AITA story covers many years. My wife was rear-ended at a red light a while back. It was pretty bad - the woman that hit her was going 45-50 mph. My old lady had to have a few vertebrae fused, and is still having issues. On top of that, she has MS so everything is exponentially worse. Regardless, she won a settlement for a good deal of money. She did good things with the money, i.e. paid some of the mortgage, paid off bills. But she kept extra money to have fun with. When those things were taken care of, she started spending the extra coin on frivolous crap, and would always ask if I wanted anything or where I wanted to eat. I always told her I didn't want anything and we should hold on to the money until we needed it. Surely I could've used a drone, a new gaming PC, a different vehicle, and a vacation, but I never asked for anything.
Here we are, years later, living paycheck to paycheck as I transition careers because I didn't give any input on "her money." I want to tell her, "I told you so." But I realise that the money was extra and we shouldn't have relied on it anyway. I really want to rub it in her face for not being responsible, while she has a hot tub, a new motorcycle and car, amongst other things.
​
TL;DR - My wife got a lot of money, I wanted to save it, she spent it. I told you so.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
4kxrMqJtTVFtCo9wWquJxOht9GNFBWdY
|
aqwzs1
|
{
"description": "not wanting giving my canceled date a second chance",
"pronormative_score": 52,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting giving my canceled date a second chance?
|
So this happened last night. For starters, I (18 f) have never went on a date. I had pretty strict parents in high school and do to cultural reasons I wasn’t allowed to date until college. So I meet this guy on a dating app who seems super nice. We texted for a while and then he ends up asked me out on a date for valentine’s day. Again, HE made the move to ask me on that specific day. I was super excited and happily said yes.
We go to the same college so we decided on him coming over to watch a movie. Naturally I assumed that that might progress to other things so my roommate agreed to leave to a friend’s dorm (I’ve done this for many times). I told him my roommate would be leaving at a certain time, but she leaves about 30 mins earlier. I text him saying he can come over. 30 mins pass, then an hour passes, and he never replies. Finally, I get frustrated and tell him to please let me know if he’s even coming and then he says that he’s so sorry that but he’s got this assignment due that night that he has to submit and he’ll let me know because tonight might not work. I was pissed to say the least. I just feel like he didn’t even think about the time I had to put in. My roommate and I deep cleaned my room, she had to leave, and obviously I had to shave, do my hair, and other things to prepare. He couldn’t have met me know earlier that it might not work?
My first ever date on Valentine’s day never bothers to tell me he probably is too busy beforehand until I’m literally sitting there waiting for him and texting him. I responded pretty shortly with an “okay” and he texted back that he’s sorry. I don’t think he thinks that he’s in the wrong here and I’m pretty sure that he wants to reschedule. But am I the asshole for not wanting to give him another chance?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 49,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
JexdhPdlg7aKVWIYfslBRY23f4UmFVMT
|
avniyt
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my friend for sleeping with my interest",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friend for sleeping with my interest?
|
As the title says, a friend of mine slept with my special interest. He even knew that I had an interest in them beforehand. Yet, they tried to keep it a secret from me.
I assume I would be because I wasn't in a relationship with her, so I cannot be too mad about their actions.
I continue to hold a grudge.
Also, second post <3
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
Keo1apsFYXT6Ydy7grHZStSP25mneG3Q
|
a2bzas
|
{
"description": "getting upset when my boyfriend stays out much later than originally planned and doesn't let me know",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset when my boyfriend stays out much later than originally planned and doesn’t let me know?
|
I have OCD and one of my main fears is that someone I love will be in a car accident. He knows how I feel and sometimes texts me to say he will be home late, or is staying on a friend’s couch if he had alcohol and can’t drive home. He regularly loses track of time and doesn’t let me know.
We fight ove this regularly. All I want is a 30 second text letting me know he’s going to be 2 hours late so that I don’t stay up worrying for those hours that he died on the freeway. Am I being unreasonable here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
IdxeSkLG4VxkhTVJk7MhMKntsLZgHlyL
|
a01c5o
|
{
"description": "visiting my sister/niece for only an hour",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for visiting my sister/niece for only an hour?
|
My sister and baby niece (her daughter) live in Seattle while I live in SF.
Luckily for us, I go to Seattle for work every few weeks. Literally every single time since my niece has been born, I make a point to go visit them. Whether its sticking around for the weekend or just popping by. I've never missed them on a single visit.
This last time I went, I was only in town for 48 hours. I spent most of my time working and catching up with co-workers...the day I was flying out, I stopped by my sisters to say hi to everybody and played with the baby for about an hour before leaving to catch my flight.
About an hour later I got a long winded text from my sister saying that they felt like I flaked on them, and that I never prioritize hanging out with them. She seemed to be mad that I only spent an hour with them even though I was only in town for 2 days and working most of the time. I said I do prioritize them and honestly had no clue wtf she was talking about.
Then she brought up a story about how my brother-in-laws brother (who also lives in Seattle) will spend all day with them, help take care of the baby, and is a better uncle yada-yada. I said sorry but honestly I don't live in the same city and I literally see them every time. Maybe she was offended that I only spent an hour with them on this last trip and that I didn't cancel work-related events to or stay in town longer or something. But honestly I always find time for them when I'm in town. I don't have kids of my own so I have no idea how I could help with a baby.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
PzemrUthDoXgGomemDcXyrtU8zmxxf0k
|
anrylx
|
{
"description": "turning down booze at my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 54,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for turning down booze at my birthday?
|
So a few months ago it was my birthday and I've never fancied big parties, instead we went on a bit of a pub crawl around my hometown.
&#x200B;
Bit of context; when my girlfriend and I go out, she normally gets drunk first, and it's become a bit of a running joke among our friends that I never get drunk because I tend to sober up when looking after her (she doesn't get dangerously drunk or anything, we're not hardcore drinkers, more socially).
&#x200B;
Anyway, we're at a pub for my birthday, about 3-4 pints in and the joke comes up again. One of my friends states she's going to try to get me drunk for my birthday and places an order. Few minutes later a barman brings over a tray of the following:
\- 20x shots of Sourz (a very sickly spirit of around 15%ABV)
\- 3x Jaegerbombs
\- 4x pint-size vodka/Red Bulls
&#x200B;
The idea was to have a drink for every year of my life, and while it wasn't an expensive pub at all, I'd imagine it probably came to around £30/$45. For more context the friend barely drinks; on very rare occasions will she have a pint and seems to be rather unaware of how much the average person can actually drink.
&#x200B;
I'm a bit shocked by this, but it seemed like a nice birthday surprise at first so I give it a go. I get through around 12-13 of the shots, one of the Jaegers and 2 of the vodkas before I give up and say I've had too much, considering as we were moving onto a couple of pubs afterwards and meeting others, I wanted to space the drinks out a bit.
I thought it'd be rather rude to just leave the rest so I offered them around, see if anyone wants any, to which she took a fair bit of offense. I said that there's only 3 outcomes; I drink it all and get dangerously drunk - I leave the rest and it gets thrown away - I offer it around and everyone enjoys it. She still took offense and said it was only for me and not for anyone else, and while an argument didn't flare up it brought a bit of a downer on the rest of the evening.
&#x200B;
Now I wouldn't normally worry too much, but a couple of weeks ago she brought it up again. We had all gone for a pint after work and I think I made a comment on the price of beer in London, to which point she said something like "at least it's not as expensive as those drinks I bought you that you couldn't finish".
&#x200B;
Am I the arsehole for sharing it out rather than leaving it to just get thrown down the sink? Common sense says no, but this seems to be something she hasn't let go, and I'm struggling to find a way to convey to her that I appreciate the gesture but it was a dangerous amount of booze.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 54,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
GoDfmtUAyQLysxfZeMIf8pQ69zNHsjf2
|
adhpte
|
{
"description": "ruining my twins relationship with my mom",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ruining my twins relationship with my mom
|
Backstory- My mom was a single mother and she worked a lot. I have a brother with Downs Syndrome who is 4 years older than me. I grew up being forced to take care of him, feeding him, changing his diapers from when I was 7 years old, watching him all day at the expense of me having a life. My mom also showed very little affection, belittled me and physically and verbally abused me at home and in front of people. In high school, I of course turned to drugs and got in a lot of trouble with the purpose being I wanted to get sent away. I didn’t care if it was the psych ward or juvie I just didn’t want to take care of my brother any more.
Fast forward- I have 4 year old twins. Whenever we spend time with her she constantly tries to gain their favor and undermine me. Always has tons of candy and when I say ok that’s enough candy. She will make a face at them and say things like, “your mommy is not fun, grandma will let you have candy, tell mommy to leave.” So of course I never leave them alone with her because I’m afraid of what she will say or do to them when I’m not around. My twins are a handful and I’m very gentle with them and their feelings (4 is a big testing the limits age).
At this point they’ve picked up my feelings for her even though she puts on the sweet grandma mask really well and most of the time they ignore her and basically use her for her candy. I tell them to answer her questions and greet her but they won’t until she has something to give them.
So now we rarely visit her (she also has a lot of pets and my son is allergic) but also I am
Always angry around her and it affects my kids. So basically I’ve ruined their relationship with her. They have another set of grandparents that they adore and have a healthy relationship with so I feel like their not deprived but I also feel bad because I know she knows I choose to keep them away and she feels guilty about my childhood. So AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
SvwJEesJ8eDfoVPhFMN0MhYcBPygr5an
|
aysuuz
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to my mom's friend's college graduation",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to my mom's friend's college graduation?
|
Just to keep this short. I'll just list the factors that play in:
My 7th grade graduation is directly then.
My mom is over all a bad person
I don't know this man at all
We live in Ohio, he lives in California.4 day one-way commute on car.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
udc052yOHl3K8N5LdyIkEn2g3qWldxV1
|
ar3p2p
|
{
"description": "being bitter that my friends are frustrated at me while playing Smash Bros",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For being bitter that my friends are frustrated at me while playing Smash Bros?
|
I’ll try to keep it brief. I’ve played video games my whole life, and playing them with friends is the best way I consider to experience them.
I’ve had a friend group since leaving HS of about 8 people, and we play Smash very frequently, which is probably my best game as I’ve sunk many hours into it.
To be realistic, no one in this group is at my skill level, and this results in maybe one game in a few hours going to one of my other friends while I’m playing.
During play, I try to push the wins off as either luck or downplay the win entirely. I don’t try to be cocky, and look towards what my friends do right when they play me instead of what they do wrong.
Recently, my friends have been getting more frustrated when playing me, making snide comments about why I’m allowed to play, and even an extreme situation of feeling unsafe at the anger one of my best friends in that group has shown when losing certain matchups.
I can understand that it’s frustrating to lose, but when I’ve tried to sandbag in the past, it either doesn’t work or I get called out for it. I’m getting really bitter about the situation that I might consider not playing smash with them when the time comes.
I’ve recently tried to think about it from their point of view, that maybe me downplaying my wins might make me look like I’m bragging. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
YojrSjCs6e66g8khcTtvyU382eDryoPX
|
b95wkr
|
{
"description": "telling my landlord that his son can't live with me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I tell my landlord that his son can't live with me?
|
I'm a man in my early 30s and I live in a duplex. I have the top portion and my landlord lives in the bottom portion. We each have a roommate since our portions of the duplex have two bedrooms. Plus, my landlord is in the process of paying off this duplex so it's his to own.
My roommate is rarely here because he works 6 days a week and his girlfriend lives closer to his place of employment. I've mentioned to him that he doesn't need to stay and pay rent for my sake, but he said he has his reasons for keeping his spot at the duplex...but I digress.
&#x200B;
My landlord has an 18 year old son who goes to college in another state. At the end of December (last year) he asked if it was okay if his son stayed in my roommate's room while he was on Winter break. I said it was fine because I knew the other option was for his son to sleep on his old, crusty couch.
By the end of Winter break, I regretted my decision but we made it through without any issues. Mostly because I bit my tongue while his son used my place as his own; bringing friends over, eating my food, leaving lights on, not locking the door when he leaves, etc.
Fast forward to today when I was reminded that his son's Spring semester is ending in May. My landlord just acted as if it was fine to let me know when he'd be back in our state to live with me for the 3 months of Summer break.
I can't do that! I'm introverted and picky about my roommates as it is, but throw in all the issues I mentioned above and it's a big problem for me. Especially since it's my landlord's 18-year-old son! That alone should be enough of a reason that I'm not okay with this arrangement.
&#x200B;
The issue is that the rent is cheaper than anywhere else around me (by a significant amount) and I lucked out with my current roommate never being here. So it's almost like I pay half the rent for an apartment all to myself.
I certainly don't know how to approach this situation since my landlord basically owns the place and it's his son, but I feel like it's stepping over so many of my personal boundaries. I stress out too much while the kid is staying here. I stress out too much just *thinking* about him staying here in a little over a month.
By the way, the son doesn't contribute to rent or bills while staying here.
&#x200B;
AITA if I tell my landlord that his son can't live with me?
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
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"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OQRcyD7DquZkNDZkpvU9pYMBHuuWzfid
|
b7f30t
|
{
"description": "wanting a divorce when my husband and parents don't want me to",
"pronormative_score": 42,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting a divorce when my husband and parents don’t want me to
|
My husband (38m) and I (35f)have been together for 10+years, married for 7. We have 2 kids, 8yo & 4yo.
In the marriage I have always been the breadwinner & financially supported the family. We’ve faced many challenges over the years including him cheating on me before we were married, and then me feeling as though he’s not doing enough to help me support our family. He’s been in and out of work & has been a weed smoker which he sees nothing wrong with but I’ve felt he’s used as a crux not to face issues in our marriage. In response to my needing support from him he feels I am nagging him and being impatient & treating him poorly by not recognizing his contributions to the relationship. I had an emotional affair which ended but I have been unable to really shake the feeling of actually have someone who made me feel cared about even just emotionally because I I get so little of it in the marriage. My husband & I talked about it a lot and it usually ends on him yelling at me calling me a cheater. He has involved our families both of whom are religious and made it clear that they don’t want us to end the marriage. He threw me under the bus revealing to our parents that I had an affair after which my mother said a prayer to seek forgiveness for my sins. I revealed to my mom that there was an incident between my husband and I where he had sex with me while I was unconscious & drunk, which made me feel completely violated. It hasn’t changed her mind and the most hurtful thing she said to me is that she hopes my husband gets the kids because that’s what I deserve. She is furious with me that she feels I am not open to her advice about staying in the marriage but I am frustrated that nobody is listening to me & I am feeling attacked by everybody that is close to me, especially my husband who I feel is using my parents to guilt trip me into staying married while refusing to acknowledge any of his issues, only mine. We went to couples counseling & the therapist said we were beyond repair. He refused to go complaining about cost. I pay for his health insurance and he doesn’t go consistently. I have gone alone to therapy for about 6 months now to try and address my own issues. It’s helped but it’s still a difficult situation.
I have a lawyer & I’ve filed the initial divorce paperwork. He has been difficult and is threatening to demand alimony and custody of the kids. He is living in the house which I am paying for the mortgage and bills for in full. I am in a hotel at the moment while my kids are with my sister for spring break as I don’t want the conflict because I am just spent & tired. I am just tired. I often catch myself thinking, am I the crazy one? I’m hurting my children. My parents are so upset with me. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 41,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 42,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
QfvMepI0RBPmgdQvnbpDpWExVewapLTX
|
aoncsi
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hangout and avoiding my \"friend\"",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hangout and avoiding my "friend"?
|
It's a long story, but I'll keep it short.
So pretty much there's this girl I've known for a few years now. (let's call her R) R is super extroverted and she always comes over to my house, uninvited, and just chills around. I am a total introvert, so having R around is a bit stressful, especially when I really want to be alone. I try telling her politely to leave sometimes, but R always ends up making me feel bad about it and stays for as long as she wants. Recently I tried following advice from a friend of mine and started avoiding R and not answering the door if she was there. That didn't work out and now R comes over almost every day and basically spews love towards me and it makes me feel bad for trying to avoid her. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
nm8EciIbL5JyEp3knI9qVkAbwCqqR8Tx
|
b8zrv7
|
{
"description": "wearing a hoodie with Miles Morales' spider-suit pattern on it, even though I'm white",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wearing a hoodie with Miles Morales' Spider-suit pattern on it, even though I'm white?
|
Title. Had some kids in class yell at me about it. Kinda sucks tho, I paid $40 for the hoodie. ;3;
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
8YPsxIhXRsfdGbltcJyA8SMsoEkCxzzs
|
aykjeq
| null |
AITA weird relationship between my wife and her co worker
|
My wife and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch for the last few months, mostly because I am often traveling for work and she feels lonely. The excessive traveling will be over in May and I was hoping our issues would get better then, but now we have a conflict that is longer lasting.
My wife has become very close to her male coworker. They are working on a project together and she spends pretty much all her work time with her. He also invites her over to his house for dinner often and there are pictures of my wife, this man, and his wife all over Facebook. She seems to be spending quite a bit of time with them, which made me uncomfortable, as her connection to the family was through the husband, not the wife, and she doesn't normally get so close to men.
It really upset me today that her coworker's wife posted a picture of my wife and her coworker's kid with the caption "\[kid\] loves her aunty \[my wife\]." It makes me so uncomfortable that these people I've never even met are calling her their kid's aunt. It feels like she's been integrated into this family and I'm not part of it. On top of that, the whole thing just seems weird. She's only worked at this place since we moved to this city a year or so ago. I told her this made me uncomfortable, but she wouldn't even entertain the idea of looking for other friends and distancing herself from these people a bit. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
wqxbx0ECeEzbKwtKHEpuZVP80lxPkucp
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asld0x
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{
"description": "quitting my job as a women's track&field coach because of false allegations made by one parent (now dropped)? I feel like I'm letting down multiple kids for the fault of one person",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for quitting my job as a women's track&field coach because of false allegations made by one parent (now dropped)? I feel like I'm letting down multiple kids for the fault of one person.
|
To keep things vague because there's a high change some of you here may recognize me if you live in my county, but I've worked part-time as a high school track & field coach (esp with the women's teams). I've worked there for about 7 years now and have a great record of bringing the girls teams to regionals and even state every year. I'm essentially the only competent coach left in the school system due to budget cuts in the past 5 years. My wife and I retired roughly 10 years ago and we've got a good nest egg so salary has never been a big deal for me with this job. I'm just happy to coach and see new kids win awards, scholarships, college acceptances based on what I've helped them accomplish.
&#x200B;
Anyways, a few months ago a big scandal broke out. One of the girls I coached (15 at the time) accused me of hitting on her. Basically what had happened was that she had her high school boyfriend saved in her phone under my name (first and last) because her parents were strict about dating. She somehow thought it would be better if they saw MY name texting her instead of some boy. Well, the parents obviously saw explicit messages at one point and put two and two together. I was suddenly under investigation and that's when the rumors started spreading like wildfire.
&#x200B;
The whole thing only took about a week to clear up in the end (the phone numbers didn't match after all) and the girl came clean pretty quickly too once the police started interviewing her. However by this time all of the parents had coalesced to have me "investigated" because in their words they couldn't take any risks and I had to understand being a father of 3 myself. I was heartbroken and humiliated. My wife was outraged and she's still angry now just thinking about it. We considered selling our house and moving cities. Even though my name was cleared several times over, the humiliation, the rumors, everything, still affects me I can't lie.
&#x200B;
So now the parents are back and they're begging me to stay. They said I'm the only coach with enough experience to bring their girls to championships and they've apologized nonstop. However, my wife and I are leaning towards moving for peace of mind. My wife is more resolute and she thinks good riddance, but honestly I feel torn up inside. I know I am doing a huge disservice to the school and the teams by leaving and I know the program has a high chance of being cut within the next 3 years.
&#x200B;
The other girls (not the one that accused me) have been on my side this entire time. They've helped the police and gave useful tips and even told their parents to hold their tongue when facts were still coming out. I am eaten up by guilt with the thought of leaving them, but I don't know how I could stay and work like I used to after this whole ordeal. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
GMj91yGcgdKwvRcF42Y35SIFBGXtFCTi
|
b9mhu3
|
{
"description": "not giving money to a charity",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving money to a charity
|
At my school it is forced to "donate" (i put it in quotations because how can it be a donation if its forced) to a charity which i will not name. They expect 1 dollar a day for 8 weeks so around $40 although not many people donate at all. A lot of the students just say take it out of my school fees as i go to a semi private school that cost around $10000 AUD per year.
&#x200B;
I know its a short one but AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
WexQIfroyNUQktzWoBEuISzS3sdO8jAK
|
akj4sc
|
{
"description": "refusing to date or befriend anyone on the Autism spectrum",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for refusing to date or befriend anyone on the Autism spectrum?
|
I'm 31 (F), and in the past I've had several very serious relationships, a few of them involved people on the spectrum with Aspergers.
To make several very long stories short, none of these relationships worked out. In the beginning they felt like a perfect fitting puzzle piece, only to have it become emotionally parasitic or completely disconnected after a few months to a year. Friendships with people with Aspergers or on the spectrum fell apart as well. There was constantly a lack of communication and understanding of my emotions towards a situation and why I felt a certain way (upset, sad, etc) because of something they did (verbally abusing me, taking advantage, ignoring me or snapping at me, refusing to talk about problems, etc).
As an emotionally vulnerable/sensitive person who needs those lines of communication open and understood to be happy in any kind of relationship (romantic or not), AITA for now refusing to date anyone (and hesitant to even befriend) someone on the spectrum? I realize these handful of people don't act for those on the spectrum as a whole, but I'd like to avoid any future pain or repeats of those awful experiences considering main characteristics of it are things I cannot stand or want to be subjected to.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
xSCg8SGgsnwoTovrilvaULlAUKg6HEXH
|
a8x3v7
|
{
"description": "letting my dogs bark",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For letting my dogs bark?
|
We moved into our new home three years ago. We bought it specifically for the completely fenced in, large backyard because we have five dogs and I have a toddler I don't want to take outside 5+ times a day. I only have two neighbors since I am on a corner lot, and neither have fences for their dogs.
&#x200B;
Both of them tie out their dogs four \*hours\* at a time, right next to my fence. And when I say right next to my fence, I mean their dogs can literally stick their nose on my fence. One of my neighbors I have a good relationship with, and she doesn't mind the barking. I don't either, but my back neighbors do. For the first two years, every time I heard my dogs bark, I would call them right back inside (they only stay out for up to ten minutes at a time without me, just long enough to go to the bathroom) and let them back out once their dog was up.
&#x200B;
However, I am tired of constantly checking to see if their dog is out and waiting for hours for them to let him back in. Or standing guard at that corner to make sure they don't bark. They could tie him up far enough away that he wouldn't bark at my dogs, or get on my fence, but they choose not to. It just seems ridiculous that I have spent so much money so that I wouldn't have to go outside when it is cold/wet/raining/snowing and now I can't because they leave their dog tied up so much.
&#x200B;
I can't talk to them because they are violent, and it is a drug house. They've been arrested multiple times, so I'm not going that route.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
s9xHtaDUyeK6KizacFUbgOwpgCVD1EtS
|
b6zb1z
|
{
"description": "hating loud eaters",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for hating loud eaters?
|
Do you know these people? They simply can't eat quietly. Slurping, loud chewing, followed by the occasional cough or a short hrumph. I've got some particulary loud eaters in my family and i have now gotten to the point where i have to leave the room, whenever the dinner is prone for loud eating (soup, pasta etc...). Or when the person starts drinking coffee.
*sluuuuurrrp* *long sigh* *sluuurrrrp* *cough* *sluuuuurrrp*
I just can't stand it! Am i an ass for this? Some people have told me so already.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
eOIw7LLoQiApxlGc2mdTx7EI3ydECVc4
|
ag0wak
|
{
"description": "making a girl cry after she made fun of my weight and my mother",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making a girl cry after she made fun of my weight and my mother?
|
So a couple of years ago when I was in middle school, this girl would constantly make fun of me for being overweight and wearing dresses all the time. I could mostly take the weight comments and never retailate even if it did overwhelm me at times to the point where I had to go home crying.
Anyways. So one day she made fun of me, calling me the standard fat insults like "Ms Piggy" and "fat fucking cow" which was normal at the time. But then she went my mom, calling my mother a fat whore and that she's a prostitute. Now I love my mom to death so I just snapped.
"Maybe you should look in the fucking mirror then you little dirty bitch, that's why your mother is an ugly ass crackhead." Is what I said to her.
She stared at me shocked for a few seconds and ran away crying. A few other kids heard what I said and told the teacher on me, then I got sent to the office.
Info: The principal never let me tell her what the girl said to me, I got suspended while the girl got off Scott free, I tried telling the teachers about her before this happened *multiple times* and nothing was ever done, I was also 11 at the time and the girl was 12
Tl;dr: AITA for retailiating at a girl for insulting my mom?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
0rejA9rPPx5VcfmnTTdsURGnvPdIjifj
|
9ue5e5
|
{
"description": "not wanting my picture taken",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Not Wanting My Picture Taken?
|
This happened just a few minutes ago but it's seriously bothering me because I feel bad about it??
Basically my braces just came off and as I was walking to the lobby, a woman who works there asked if I wanted my picture taken for the Facebook page. I instantly said no and my guardian kept telling me I should, as well as the woman holding the camera and another dentist. I kept refusing and ended it by turning to my guardian and saying "I don't want to". The women said they wouldn't force me and gave up, but as soon as we went out the door he turned to me and said to stop acting like that all the time and that it embarasses him, and that I should be ashamed that I didn't want to pay them back for the hard work they did. It made me feel really crappy.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 14,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bYgVpODOFZEgwswUWiE9nGyYIahau8e7
|
auwcno
|
{
"description": "finally managing to reach out to my old best friend, leaving my girlfriend alone for a weekend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA when I finally managed to reach out to my old best friend, leaving my girlfriend alone for a weekend?
|
So, from the title alone this would be pointless.
I had one friend in my life, one who actually cares for me, who picked me up from the floor, and helped me get back up. But because of work we didn't really speak for 2 years now, because we didn't have time at all. And roughly around that timespan, I and my girlfriend found each other. We both never really had anyone except the one friend who really shined. Te problem now, she lived in a little town, where her chances in getting work were little to zero. So she moved in with me. We were there for each other, while no one else would. Now I finally got the courage, after thinking "its been too long, he doesn't care about me anymore", to message him. I work on retail, so saturdays off are gods gift. This week is such a case, and this morning I messaged him, after a little smalltalk I asked him if he had time this weekend, so I finally could see him again. But now I needed to tell her, and she got sad, because she looked forward to a weekend with me, without me being away. To make matters worse, she began crying because she doesn't have any friends, and she will be alone saturday and half of sunday, only my father and my little sister are there to keep her company. I feel miserable for going to a friend, reminding her she has none who aren't 4 hours away. Please help...I'm lost
(And sorry for the long text.)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ri8JIxH4nATiT4da84b6RmNUJjeRG5Mi
|
ahpia2
|
{
"description": "requesting a refund for storage I cannot use",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for requesting a refund for storage I cannot use?
|
Hi,
Due to a short-notice relocation I recently rented a storage unit at a local storage business.
Before I rented the unit I called the hotline and asked about storing motorcycles in an indoor unit. I was given the OK, but I figured this was bogus so I went ahead and visited in person. Turns out you cannot store motorcycles in an indoor unit (due to gas and other fluids) as I expected so I explained to the employee that I will be storing ~6 bikes in said unit for a short amount of time as I am expecting to relocate within 2-4 weeks. She said no problem, you just need an outside unit.
I paid my fees, paid for locks and insurance, and went on my day. I rode one motorcycle to the storage unit, placed it inside, and locked up.
Yesterday I had some free time so I rode bike #2 to the storage unit. I live in IL so the weather is pretty cold at the moment (27-31 degrees yesterday,) but the roads were clear enough to make the short trek.
I arrive at the unit and find that the main parking lot is plowed, as expected in illinois, but 20 feet from the gate leading to the outdoor units and the ENTIRE ground of the area housing area has a 1"+ thick layer of solid ice on it. Not snow - actual ICE. I put my feet down and slowly eased the bike over to the ice to confirm - yep ice. It was so slippery that I got stuck because my feet would just slip when I tried to push so I spent ~5 minutes rocking my bike back and forth to inch it off of the ice.
I took a picture of the ice on the ground, just to have it, went home and called the storage company. I explained to them that I cannot store my things and that I cannot remove my motorcycle so I would like a refund as well as ideas and maybe help removing my bike from their facility since it isn't well-maintained. I was told that they cannot give me a refund and they won't help me remove my bike - so they are essentially holding it hostage. I explained to them that if I attempt to move the bike out that the ice would potentially cause a spill causing damage to my bike or an injury to me.
Am I the asshole for expecting some sort of help for being mislead? I feel as if they should do a better job of maintaining the facility and that I've been sold a service I cannot use. If I were an employee there I would explain to customers that the rear area is NOT plowed - especially considering that I specifically spoke to them about storing motorcycles there. I asked the employee about it and even she agreed that they sold me a service that they're not providing, yet still refused a refund or any sort of help what-so-ever.
Now I'm just hoping once the snow dies down I'll be able to find a way to get there and remove my bike. If the ice on the ground were just snow I would be fine.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
WmSIe5CGzfeaM9n9IZ1FXjsLM6PL2jMd
|
a8pnbr
|
{
"description": "criticizing my friend's cooking and telling her \"it doesn't matter anyway\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for criticizing my friend's cooking and telling her "it doesn't matter anyway"?
|
Yesterday a few people in my class (including my friend, who I'll call A) brought in some christmas-themed baked goods and since we weren't doing anything that day we got to eat them all then vote on whose food was the best. After we had all eaten, I told a friend - not the one mentioned in the title - that A's yule log cake (as well as most of the other cakes my classmates baked) looked messy but it tasted pretty good. Apparently A overheard me and said I was being "mean and disrespectful". I replied that I wasn't trying to insult her, and that it didn't even matter how it looked because it still tasted good, but A still seemed offended. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CqGHYiTV3MLxtly8A96Np3cxva93itJZ
|
aiie6w
|
{
"description": "taking on private lesson students",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking on private lesson students?
|
Ok so this story is about figure skating, the most overcomplicated sport of all time, so bear with me.
I’ve coached at this ice rink for 2.5 years, but I’ve been helping teach since I was 12, and have been a fully licenced coach since I was 16. All in all about 11 years experience. I’m 22, this is relevant to the story.
Figure skating has a program for new skaters called Learn to Skate, which has detailed levels from standing on skates up to preparation for an axle (the hardest single jump). I usually teach the middle-ish levels (Forward and backward crossovers, the first jump you learn, ect.) and I’m generally well liked. Most of the students I have compliment me, or at least are happy to have me as their teacher in a new session. I’m described as “high energy, enthusiastic, and positive.”
I’m also pretty damn good at it. My students show steady improvement, I’m knowledgeable enough that I can answer parent questions, and I’m cited quite a bit as the reason families join the figure skating club (a big cash gain for the rink).
Now more complicated garbage. At my rink, a request for private lessons should go directly to the figure skating director, my boss, and they’ll be doled out across all the coaches. That rule is ignored if the requester asks for a specific coach. I got requested quite a bit and had a full private lesson docket long before most of the other coaches. This made people mad.
Enter Mary. Mary has been at the rink for much longer than me. She teaches higher level private lesson students, but also does Learn to Skate (LTS) because, ya kno, money. She really doesn’t care about it, it’s just a way for her to possibly recruit private lessons. A few of her students swear by her, and have been with her for 10+ years. She skated at a higher level than me, and basically started the Learn to Skate. While I don’t like her, she has managed to coach for a long time.
Mary is also mean. So mean. Parents ask for refunds because she made their kids cry. Cause she’s MEAN. Our boss thinks she drove away more that 25 people single handedly. She complains about the way we teach her granddaughter (who is getting free lessons by the by). She complains to the president of the rink about petty things. She says that I’m inexperienced, lazy, and don’t deserve any of the business I have. While I’ll be the first to say I 100% have flaws as a coach (I’m a little too nice, parents walk all over me, I’m not good at disciplining an unruly class, I’m too liberal with complements, ect.), I work hard and am really professional.
My boss has been cutting back on Mary’s LTS lessons, instead giving the time to me and a 2 other coaches, age 24 and 26. She responded with “This is my livelihood, how could you give my time to kids who still get money from their parents?” (For the record, my parents pay my tuition and that’s it. The other two coaches haven’t gotten money from their parents for years.) The other young coaches and I work hard to make the program run smoothly, do setup and takedown, tie skates, talk to parents, the stuff the director doesn’t have time to do.
Back to private lessons. Mary is angry I have so many students. She tried to stealthily scalp one of the kids, but my boss nipped that in the bud. She said that I have less experience and that the lessons should be given out equally, regardless of request. Any parent that asked me about private lessons got the same exact script (“I think \[KID\] would really benefit from private lessons! Check with \[Director\] and she’ll set you up with a coach. You can request any coach and we’ll do our best to pair you up”). I don’t want someone to feel obligated to have me as their coach, some kids don’t like my style and that’s totally fair!
She is constantly snide and dismissive of my tequiqies. She minimizes the work I do, and just makes me feel like garbage. I’m already a twitchy ball of stress (I have another part time job + full time student) and feeling like my coworkers hate me sucks. Plus I’m a little worried she’ll do actual damage to my reputation, seeing as she’s telling other people what a bad coach I am.
Maybe she deserves more lessons than me? She’s more experienced and has more medals to her name, but I never see any of her students improve. I don’t know it’s hard to gauge stuff like that. I am the lowest on the totem pole, maybe I should be last in line for lessons?
TL;DR: Other coach is mad I make more money than her because I have more students. I’m really hurt and want to know it it’s justified.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
RVIYGUuvazOTrwhIGgmJ6DY7iAsW6WBU
|
alf8jg
|
{
"description": "letting my dog pee on an outdoor plant pot",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for letting my dog pee on an outdoor plant pot?
|
I just walked my dog in my neighborhood and he paused to pee on a wooden planter outside a shut store (its 7pm).
A woman smoking two doors down started giving out to me, asking why I was letting my dog do that. I said “it’s raining out” but she didn’t see my reasoning.
This isn’t the first time this has happened around here - if he pees near a store entrance I’m told off. This isn’t a big deal in other cities I’ve lived in.
Am I the asshole? Should I be telling my dog no? I live in a city so there aren’t many places he can go to the toilet in the evening (I live in an apartment).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
88tbFaY4as70GpjHOzDznv8aZj1yNyfT
|
a8w9r9
|
{
"description": "not wanting to have much of a relationship with my mom's side of the family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to have much of a relationship with my mom’s side of the family?
|
Thank you for any and all advice! I’ve felt guilty about this for years and wanted to know if my feelings are justified or not.
For background, my mother passed away when I was eight years old and my siblings and I were raised by my dad alone until I was in college, when he married again. Everything is great with my immediate family, we all get along well and I love spending time with them. That being said, a few times a year, we still make the long trip out to see my mother’s side of the family, who I’ve always had a hard time being around.
To start with, they are very religious and not very tolerant of any other beliefs outside their own. They’re also quite vocal about every opinion they have, even the ones that make a few people in my immediate family, including myself, feel unwelcome and uncomfortable.
I try to chalk a lot of that up to the fact that they aren’t very educated and most of the older generation didn’t have the opportunities that people of my generation have, but all my aunts, uncles, and cousins seem to be the same way and for the most part, have squandered any opportunities given to them. That being said, my grandparents make constant excuses for them and enable them to keep making poor choices and blaming everyone but themselves.
Despite graduating college and having a fairly successful career my early 20s, they talk about me behind my back as if I were some kind of cautionary tale. I’m not too interested in having kids and I don’t plan on getting married any time soon, and those are the only two things they ask me about in terms of my life. I live with my partner of over three years, and although he’s as kind as can be towards them, he also feels uncomfortable being around them for many of the same reasons.
Despite the fact that my brother and I are the only ones related to them, my whole family makes the 12 hour journey twice a year to see them, and no one has a good time. I live all the way across the country and have to give up much needed money in order to take time off at work. It doesn’t make sense to me to use the few weeks of time I have with any of my family on the side that makes me feel uncomfortable out of a misplaced sense of guilt.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
5oB1vwB8EyI68XdD5m0WuIFJ6uIXHIQy
|
avr7mn
|
{
"description": "flying business class and let the rest of the family fly economy",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For flying Business class and let the rest of the family fly economy?
|
I live in Europe with half of the family, the other half lives in the US.
My cousin is getting married on Hawaii and invited everyone to attend the wedding. From my country to Hawaii is around 27hours travelling.
I want to fly business class since that offers a lot of comfort for such a long trip but the rest of my family think it’s to expensive to do that.
My question is AITA for flying business class by myself while the rest of the family is back in economy?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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2qrE4m5oHjIXcWoWbLDMGZj2NutPwhpd
|
aolzff
|
{
"description": "meeting up with only 1 friend, didn't invite the other and for not being sympathetic to left out friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for meeting up with only 1 friend, didn’t invite the other and for not being sympathetic to left out friend?
|
I admit title does make me sound like the asshole. The 3 of us have been friends for years. A year ago my friend (I’ll call her Sally) got a boyfriend. She’s gone AWOL since then, we’ve met up about 5 times over the last year which is very different to how often we used to see each other. On a frequent basis she said she was too busy to meet up but then got upset when me and 3rd friend (I’ll call her Tina) met up without her.
Over the last few months I’ve messaged suggesting things to do a few times and she’s not responded. Correction, she responded to other parts of the message but ignored the bits about meeting up. I admit I got fed up and have been feeling lonely recently and stressed with work so I privately messaged Tina and asked if she wanted to go to dinner. We went and had a lovely time. Tina and Sally were talking about something when Tina mentioned meeting me. Sally has gone off on one saying we’re having secret meetings without her and then messaged me asking why am I purposefully excluding her.
She’s now turned around saying she already feels isolated and she thought we’d stick by her as she starts a family (Sally is not pregnant), and force her to hang round with us not just abandon her and meet up without her.
My opinion is friendship is a 2 way street, she says she feels isolated but ignores messages and isn’t available to meet. I didn’t think I’d ever have to ‘force’ (her own words) a friend to hang out.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
GYVnjEwSOahDf3aPSfgymYF6ZPy2LdOL
|
amw70s
|
{
"description": "wanting to dye my hair",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to dye my hair?
|
Around the middle of last year, my brother proposed to his girlfriend of 3 years. She said yes and they’re getting married this summer (yay I’m excited for them :D). Over the holidays I went to visit them (they live in a different state than I do) and we went bridesmaid dress shopping. Naturally, we were talking about the wedding and the topic of hair and makeup for me and his fiancée’s two sisters came up.
Here’s the background for why I want to dye my hair. I have dyed my hair before when I was in middle school but once I got to high school, I joined an activity in which dying our hair is prohibited. You can think of it as a sort of dance group but we are all meant to look natural so that one person does not distract from the effect of the group. Anyways, it is my last year of high school, so after my last performance I can finally dye my hair again. I made plans with a few friends of mine to get our hair dyed the day we graduate. We have literally been talking about this and anticipating it for years. I planned to have my hair dyed a bluish silver but keeping my black roots.
When I brought up that I was going to have my hair dyed to my brother and his fiancée they immediately shut it down. They told me absolutely not and if I wanted to do it I had to wait until after. They didn’t even allow me to explain my reasoning and each time I bring it up they ignore me. I am especially annoyed because one of his fiancée’s sisters has continually dyed her hair since before I met her and they have not told her that she needed to stop dying her hair for their wedding. Even if they did I doubt she would stop. My choice of hair color also does not conflict with my dress as it is a pastel blue.
Currently, I have decided that I will just keep my natural hair color as per their wishes because it is a once in a lifetime event that I don’t want to ruin. I just wonder if I’m in the wrong here for wanting to get my hair dyed with my friends :(
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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7FP9MQx4mbAqowtFIwsT94YXH87nNBXB
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9tf60t
| null |
AITA loser brother New father
|
AITA
Tl;Dr called my brother a bunch of horrible names and two days later his baby is born and I don't feel welcome or what I should do.
So my brother who has had problems with Marijuana such as having no job or money somehow still managed to smoke daily, had been going through some rough times. He was in an 8 year relationship had two newborn twins and before they turned one found out they might not be his, he broke up with his gf and is stuck paying child support. His new gf(which got him to stop smoking) got pregnant pretty soon after their start. 100% his btw. But for three years after our father died he moved into our house with gf 1. He had money for weed but never really contributed to rent or committed to doing housework. I cut down a tree recently and my mom told him to help me move it to the front for collection. He came up with excuses why he couldn't, so I called him out, told him he didn't help, when he complained he was poor, and couldn't help financially I told him he could help around the house physically. He stated he helped around the house for 16 years much longer than me since his is my older brother him 26 me 22, I told him he was useless and hasn't done anything I three years even when he said he was moving in to help, he has only given 500 in rent, filled our fridge 3 times and not in two years share a meal at the table with our mother much less really talk to her. She is suffering because of the loss of the twins which we don't see anymore because he put a restraining order on the mom (rightfully so she was violent). But now his new kid was born premature and I don't know if I am welcome so I'm keeping away, am I the asshole for calling him out, am I the asshole for not going to see the baby because I don't want to start a fight. Which he last he got in my face tell me to hit him when I was talking mad shit about him. If I do go I will go with my mom, and if he asks me to leave I will. But still I feel like I'm in the right and don't want to apologize for what I said because I meant every word. His kid was born early so it's also just really bad timing.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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j2p2iXk4oB63cCpdkJE4RZzqDzO1CZRs
|
a3lntu
|
{
"description": "being angry about a friend ghosting me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being angry about a friend ghosting me?
|
The title probably makes this sound a bit odd but here goes...
My best friend and I are very close but we butt heads often for that reason. In May he introduced me to his other friend, we’ll call him Andrew. Andrew and I hit it off and started hanging out. I was kinda into him but wanted to play out being friends before i ruined it by trying to date him.
Flash forward about three months. I tell Andrew I like him and he tells me it’s bad timing as he just started seeing someone
I say that’s okay we can still be friends, we talk it out he says that sounds great, and that he values my friendship too much to want to end it over this minor thing. I take his word for it and feel relieved.
A couple weeks go by and he’s not really responding to my texts very often. He’s never been great at this so i don’t think much of it, but then I ask him to hang out and it turns into a “ next week” back and forth because he’s busy and I’m busy. But I start to get the feeling that it’s more that he is blowing me off.
I think the last text i sent was about a month ago and he never responded. Specifically, i joked that i thought he may have died, as it took him four days to respond to some funny video or tweet or something. subconsciously i think it was a little passive aggressive.
I was really hurt as i wanted to be friends, and I made a few jokes about him being a “dud” to my best friend who introduced us, and expressed that I was really annoyed. I probably said somethings that were a little too far about him being boring or having poor taste, mostly from my own hurt ego, Anyway, in all of this and asking my best friend if It would be silly to text Andrew and tell him that i was somewhat hurt, said best friend accused me of being a jerk and “bashing” his other friend, telling me that he doesn’t owe me anything and that I’m being an ass.
AITA for thinking i deserve an apology or explanation for ending our friendship / AITA for talking about him that way to my best friend who is also his good friend?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
OiCDpUs823AjOeIX8u11jadh8EDZOEKG
|
arip0j
|
{
"description": "making my best friend move out without notice after she told me she doesn't like me anymore",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 30
}
|
AITA for making my best friend move out without notice after she told me she doesn't like me anymore?
|
To clarify, it's my house and she hasn't signed any form of lease agreement.
A couple weeks ago I confronted her, saying I had been getting the vibe that she doesn't like me anymore. She admitted she had been feeling that way. I was hurt but didn't press her further, telling myself she must have just felt like that for a while and gotten over it, or she would have moved out.
Last night she told me over Facebook messenger, while we were both home in our separate bedrooms, that she was moving out. I told her to take as long as she needed. Then I took the opportunity to ask her to clarify what she meant when she said she didn't like me. Her response was that she had felt like that since she moved in which was the beginning of January.
I thought about that all night and then I told her this morning that I wanted her to leave immediately. I said she could take as long as she needed to get her stuff out but I don't want to share my house with someone who doesn't like me for one second longer. I feel betrayed by this whole experience and it's been really affecting me.
I just got out of an abusive relationship and I'm grieving cos my brother died in December. I'm upset that she stayed in my space this whole time, making me feel awful and uncomfortable, not being upfront about issues and letting them fester.
She's now trying to say she only meant she didn't like living with me. But that's not how she put it the three other times we spoke about it. I think she's just trying to back out of it. She is calling me unreasonable for not letting her stay tonight, even as I'm telling her this is testing my mental health. I have been hospitalised 7 times in the last 6 years and am now stable and this is jeopardizing that. To which she responded, this is stressing me too and it's not all about you. She has no mental health issues.
So am I the asshole for demanding that she leave my space immediately?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
Y7PQ8YzO1O0gUNne3mIsPfNBhY7HOeI3
|
akmoop
|
{
"description": "telling my partner that I need more space from her",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my partner that I need more space from her?
|
Ive been with my (24m) current partner (23f) for close to 6 years now and I love her to pieces, shes extremely sweet and bubbly. Kindest person Ive ever met.
To get to the point, one drawback she has is she loves spending time with me, all the time, and never gets bored or tired of it. Which Ive always found very sweet and endearing. However Ive always been quite introverted and I really need my space to myself from time to time to recharge.
Recently she moved in with me, I was hesitant but the living situations for both her and my other flatmate lined up so I figured we'd give it a shot, and now she has her own room in the house.
However, she never uses her room she pays rent for, so shes always in my room on my bed wanting to chat or watching netflix on her laptop which causes constant noise of Vampire Diaries and the like. If I leave the room to go to the kitchen she follows me, if Im typing on my computer she asks me what im typing about. Just constantly shes in my space and wanting to be involved with what im doing, and I appreciate and love the place where thats coming from. But the constant state of having someone In my space was starting to really drive me mad and I was growing resentful and agitated more and more.
So I told her one day when she asked me why I seemed grumpy with her. I explained in as gentle terms as I could that every now and then I need my own room to myself and need space from others. That it isnt to do with her, its to do with me and how I am as a person. I need me time. She didn't take it very well as this concept is very foreign to her, shes very extroverted and loves my company 24/7.
Shes taken it personally, and despite my telling her that she could be anyone and Id still need my time to myself shes insisting that im getting sick of HER as apposed to getting sick of not having MY OWN SPACE.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
gj2kB5nGFhAZS1vf0eO5F90StoR9YYaU
|
b3fx1u
|
{
"description": "getting internet and keeping the password from my live-in boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA If I got internet and kept the password from my live-in boyfriend?
|
Im 22, he's 25. My boyfriend is a porn ADDICT. Last time we had internet I paid the $100 every month and he hardly left the bathroom, it began to affect his mood (made him depressed, angry, withdrawn and extremely draining to be around) affect his job and he hardly touched me for about 6 months. It fully destroyed our relationship. I tried to leave him, he admitted that he needs help and we had to get rid of the internet. I had to pay $400 to cancel it and I hardly ever used it. Before anyone asks, we had sex every day, sometimes twice, that was never the problem (until he got on the porn)
So, 5 months later and I'm planning to enroll for some online courses to further my education. I need internet. My boyfriend says he can not be around internet because he will go right back to it and I'll leave him (which is true).
Would I be an asshole if I got internet and hid the password from him? It seems wrong and controlling, and it feels like I would be treating him like a child. I know that he would agree to this immediately but I still feel like I would be a huge asshole for essentially acting like his mom. Especially since he works full time like me and pays equal rent.
I feel like I'm choosing between ruining my relationship or sacrificing my future.
Give it to me straight, am I an asshole?
Tldr: porn addict bf doesn't want internet but I need it for school. Should I keep the password from him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
w1y1YoknlNAFnSMY4QizKKqOCJEIhLsb
|
agy1dx
|
{
"description": "telling my mum, that I don't care about my brothers coma",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my mum, that I don't care about my brothers coma?
|
(I'm on mobile so sorry in advance)
I must add a bit of an backstory so you might understand my reason:
Me and my older brother are 1 1/2 years apart, He was 18 back then, I was 17.
We had a good relationship as kids but as time passed, we grew apart. He turned out to be - what I consider - bad. He smoked, he took marihuana regulary and dealed some. He finished a lower class school with mediocre grades (in germany we have different kind of schools, some for smart kids, others for regular kids etc.).
He didnt have any hobbies and basically was nothing but a financial burden for our mum who can't work full time due to a illness.
The only thing he has going is that he is one of the most caring people out there. I've tried concincing him to do a social job with children but he refused (payment too bad).
Me on the other hand:
I was in 12th grade, with above average grades, I was in the last year of school and was planning on going to university to study and become a teacher. I was working part time to support my mum and our little sister (my parents are divorced) financially. I was/still am also doing work with a youth group that works with children that have problems (aggression, bullying ect.) and teach them things about religion and teamwork.
I however had lost my girlfriend to suicide in 2017, which my brother just joked about. I told him plenty of times to stop it, which he didnt. "what are you gonna do, fight me?" sound familiar?
However one of my bad traits is that I don't tell people when something annoys me, until I get reeeeally fed up and just burst out (it happens in the story)
We had this mutual agreement not to interfere with each other. He often broke it, asking me for money, which I always had, because I didnt spend it, I instead kept it on my bank account. whenever I said no, our mum would tell me I'm being selfish, then give my brother money from her own pocket. I always put the same amount of money back into her pocket from my own money, as I didnt want her to have no money. (as I'm typing this he literally asked "mum, you got money?"...ironic...)
He once even convinced my mum to tell her my bank account code, which she did. He took 300€ out of my account ,which I never saw again.
All these things oviously made me angry and I told my mum. she said it'll be okay. she always said that.
Now to the story:
I had final exams during this time and everyone in my family knew it. I studied a lot and felt fairly confident. I hadn't seen my brother in two days, not that that was something unusual, I never knew/cared where he was. it was the night before my first exam when my mum called me and showed me a picture of my brother jn the hospital. Wires everywhere, plugged to a maschine, huge scar across his skull (his hair was cut away as well). She told me that he was in a coma and that his chances are bad, 30 at max, and even if, he's gonna be handicapped afterwards. I sat down in my room and prayed to god (this was during the time I was converting to Christianity), crying he should save him. I didnt sleep that night and the exam went as expected. I fucked it up as I couldn't concentrate. during this time, my mum used all her money to go see my brother as he was in a hospital very far away. I always prepared food for her for when she came back around 1 am and asked how he's doing. Always prepared with bad news. with this family situation I went into the other two exams, which ended up pretty good. One week later my brother woke up from the coma all well, not handicapped. However during his coma I was unable to visit him, as I had a lot going on and work as well. My family called me names "betrayer" and "asshole" for not visiting him. I told them I don't see the point in seeing what is basically a living corpse. Yes that was an asshole move not gonna lie.
I never had a good relationship with my family. They tease me a lot, calling me a loner for staying in my room "all day" amongst other things as well. I always laughed it off.
One day, my brother was fresh out of rehab, we were kn the family table, the whole family. The usual conversations started. I didn't participate as I am the "black sheep" in the family. I just sat there and ate, sometimes people made jokes about me and I just smiled it off as usual. My brother was appearantly still a master at these jokes. I was fed up. I got up and put my food in the trash and walked out. My mother followed me and asked whats wrong. We got into an arguement.
"They're only jokes, [name]."
I didnt care if they were just jokes. I thought my mother understood as she had to take care od 4 siblings as a kid and didnt have much of a childhood herself (I had a great one, don't get me wrong, I love my mum more than anyone else).
I told her that I regret, praying to god that night. That I wouldn't have cared if he died, as he was only a burden to us and especially me. She god angry (of course) and slapped me and told me to never say those things anymore.
I should add that during those two weeks, our family had no financial problem and I had enough money to buy some clothes for my little sister and me after a long time (from my own money).
As soon as my brother was back, a lot of money went missing from my mums pocket (~50€)
Next week 200€ went missing from my bank account. We all knew who it was.
My brother often didnt go to appointments with the doctors, regarding his head/coma. He simply "didn't want to". He always found excuses to not go to work. I understood for the first half year. The doctors said everything was alright after 3 months. he kept skipping however. He's now back in line and got his life sort of sorted out, still smoking/taking drugs however. I haven't seen my money nor rent he pays to our mum (he works part time now). I've talked about him having to pay rent (or at least help somehow) to my mum recently and she got angry immediately, saying I'm selfish and I just want his room. (for contect: I've had to share a room all my life. I now took the backroom with no windows. it's big enough and I'm more than happy.)
I told her that I just find it unfair how he's being treated lightly, whilst I'm supposed to take all the hits. after she called me selfish again I was done and said that I still haven't changed my mind, that I would still be happy, if god or whatever hadn't saved him. I voluntarily left my own house and am sleeping at a friends house right now.
AITA for saying that I wouldn't care if he had died or now
Note: I did not say "I wish he died", just that we would've been better off.
I don't blame anyone for thinking I'm the asshole, ngl.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
rklE0sKV84A6nS820gdfodhMn5nHw9gh
|
ard0a1
|
{
"description": "getting upset at my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset at my boyfriend?
|
This past Valentine's Day, I was conversing with my boyfriend, and we ended up on the topic of this super gross old stalker that I had. (Super romantic, right?) I detailed how this person threatened me, stalked me and a friend, and hit me. After telling this story, my boyfriend went very quiet and I asked him what was wrong. He said, "I was just wondering what kind of stories you're going to tell people about me after we break up..."
I asked him to elaborate and asked if he thought that I was just making up this experience to trash talk some random guy, and if he thought the same when I shared personal details about my past abusive relationships, and he didn't feel comfortable continuing.
We walked home in silence.
Finally, today, I confronted him about it and told him how much it hurt me that he didn't believe and trust me, and for insinuating that I would slander him. He sent me this:
"I admitted a vulnerable fear to you on Valentine's day, and you are responding to that in exactly how I feared you would, but side stepping my feelings and making it about "my opinion of you". My fear is valid. Not sorry.
I'm both surprised and not."
I feel extremely hurt, and already told him that he's allowed to feel his emotions, but projecting this insecurity onto me (when I've never given him any reason to) is completely unfair and that I'm also allowed to be upset by it. I feel like he owes me an apology, but I'd really like another view on the matter!
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
wPEysI7kA7njJVTdCpx2bfwTxpFhUnCS
|
9w1n8t
|
{
"description": "calling my brother a faggot",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 38
}
|
AITA for calling my brother a faggot?
|
We had an argument about my mom having psychosis. He kept saying that she's sick and she needs help. But, he listened to nothing I was saying about her being on medication and being fully capable when she's not having an episode. He wants to send her off to a mental hospital. We kept arguing and he called her crazy so I called him a faggot. He is in fact gay but I kinda already knew it would hurt him because our dad use to say it a lot before he died. I did mean to hurt him because he was hurting our mom but I kinda feel like an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
XCs5hd3isMwwpE2BshVk2Jvsjief7KIA
|
alfzvl
|
{
"description": "yelling at someone who yelled at my dog",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For yelling at someone who yelled at my dog?
|
So my dog is generally very well behaved. On occasion he will bark at someone outside our apartment if he is uncomfortable with what they're doing (usually yelling or loitering by our door too long).
The other day I was walking my dog and someone comes around the corner yelling at his phone and walks straight towards my dog. My dogs ears go back and he walks back towards me. As the man keeps approaching I take my dog off to the side but he's getting closer and my dog starts barking.
At this point I'm trying to quiet my dog and show him this is bad behavior. The man then leans in towards my dog and yells "shut the fuck up" at him. Now I'm usually a very composed person but this behavior upset me quite a bit. I proceeded to yell "don't be a fucking asshole" at him and he responded saying "I have dogs too, just gotta train him bud".
I've had my dog for almost a year and he has been very responsive to training and behaves very well. Yet after that fact (he walked off snickering and calling me and asshole) I question if that was the right reaction and if I need to better train my dog.
Am I the asshole here?
Tldr: man screams shut the fuck up at my dog for barking at him while he was yelling, I yell back at him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
9vvlJV6ztnahBepnOweXW7ctBFsYz9LM
|
ay0ydo
|
{
"description": "laughing about a boy's disgrace",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for laughing about a boy's disgrace
|
So, this is not exactly about me, is about my best friend.
She, let's call her May, has been in a relationship with a guy (let's call him Josh) for over a year. The first few months went pretty well, they seemed pretty happy and everything went cool. After the third month, he started behaving really strange. Josh started not caring about her feelings and ignoring her when May had depressive episode.
May told him that she went through a lot of shit and needed him to help her out, bc she wouldn't be able to go through this without anyone (she moved from his hometown, so she didn't had any friends there). And there is went shit went wild.
Josh started saying that her depressive episodes wasn't his fault, and that was something she had to deal with. Josh told her that he was also in love with his ex, who died a year before they started, and talking a lot of shit about May. She didn't like that too much, but she was still in love with him.
This had gone for over 10 months, and they broke up and went together again like 9 times. So, as time went by, May realized that he was a dick, and started hitting back. She told John that he could go fuck his ex, that maybe his favourite movie was Corpse Bride, telling him to shut the fuck up when he started complaining about her crying bc of stress.
As today, they are still together, bc she isn't able to let him go, as she is still in love with him.
Also, it seems like Josh cheated on May, several times. One day, he started making out with his bestfriend, a 6,1 guy. They both are straight... Or that's what they say.
Anyways, the question is:
Is she the asshole for fucking around with him, making the death of his ex into a joke, telling him that he's not a musician bc he only can play indie (that's more like an inside joke, so he still doesn't get it yet) and telling him that he's a fucking weeb bc he says that his favourite serie is Evangelion (understandable) and that serie had done more for him than anyone in this world (fucking weeb).
Or
Is he the asshole for playing with her feelings, not caring enough about her having depressive episodes, trying to make her jealous with his death ex, and manipulating her constantly?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
TLWJdOofjJh5FSvdlHZMeuzSYGpul84q
|
ayb5fn
|
{
"description": "not giving my husband a baby right now",
"pronormative_score": 670,
"contranormative_score": 80
}
|
AITA for not giving my husband a baby right now
|
So we've been married for just shy of 3 years now and my husband is really getting on my case to have a baby. To give you readers a sense of "getting on my case" I mean like asking for a deadline on when to start trying and questinioning me on going back to school because that means that babies might be delayed.
I've stated that I do want to have kids but not right this second. My main concern is that there is A LOT in instability and uncertainty in our lives right now. His job has taken us to live in Europe for 3 years and in a year we will be moving again, but we don't know where to yet. I want to wait until there's a little more certainty in life and to know that I'm going to have a good support system in place because he travels for work for long periods of time. His response to all of that is "I don't want to wait anymore" and "people do this all the time" and "it's not fair to him"
Now I understand that there is no perfect time to have babies however I'm a firm believer that if your gut is telling you that it's not a good time, then it's not a good time
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 65,
"OTHER": 547,
"EVERYBODY": 15,
"NOBODY": 123,
"INFO": 23
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 670,
"WRONG": 80
}
|
RIGHT
|
MuoR2STngfm8eN0ZuFrkObL3oLbI0iCD
|
aje42h
|
{
"description": "distancing myself from certain relatives, and by extension, their innocent kids",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for distancing myself from certain relatives, and by extension, their innocent kids?
|
TLDR: AITA for avoiding my problematic relatives, and as a consequence erasing their young kids from my life too?
Brief rundown: cousin's family have always been difficult, but it's exploded in recent years to the extent that I physically cannot be around them for any length of time. I refuse to visit them (they live very locally) because my cousin lives with her mother, who is objectively a mean spirited person and who makes the situation so much worse. I haven't been to their house in 3 years.
What makes me feel terrible is that my cousin has 2 young children (<5), and I feel that it's unfair on them for me to blacklist the entire family like that. I obviously can't spend time with them without physically being around the rest of their family. I think I've resigned to the idea that they'll just grow up without knowing me at all.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EJA1MnTsxXQVo40xM6ba7qyW62egFych
|
b5f62z
| null |
AITA if my boyfriend has cheated on me several times, and I forgave him, but I start to see red every time I see he's liked another girl's photo?
|
I'm not the jealous type, never have been. Women are beautiful creatures. But now that my boyfriend's infidelities have been exposed, my heart is crushed every time I see his likes on Instagram or facebook. I know everyone will say I should leave him, but that's simply not an option for me right now as things are much too complicated. Yet it seems the guilt that I feel for being jealous of these innocent women obviously outweighs my boyfriend's guilt for his wandering eyes.. so give it to me straight.. am I the asshole here? Bc I sure feel like one.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
LYR36BcFhjpinMfqhEDE6wPZbIaFmTR1
|
aw0xby
|
{
"description": "cutting my long term friend out of my life for staying in an abusive relationship",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for cutting my long term friend out of my life for staying in an abusive relationship?
|
Using a throw away account.
My friend and I, let’s name him Mike, have been friends for roughly 6 years. I consider him a best friend, and vice versa. He’s been like a brother to me. He’s had a persistent crush on this girl, we’ll call her Aleena, and has gone above and beyond for her and has done things such as drive 45 minutes a few cities over just to drop off some food for her, drove her everywhere, spent nearly thousands of dollars on her- the list goes on. The only problem was, she made it clear that she wasn’t interested in a serious relationship, yet continued to take advantage of Mike’s kindness. Fast forward to today, they decided to give a relationship a try, which I was not very fond of. I decided to give Aleena another try despite her taking advantage of Mike, but recently Mike reached out to me for help. Mike looked through her phone and found out she was still in contact with many other men, whose messages she was deleting to hide from Mike. He had also told me their daily arguments have escalated into physical arguments, with things being thrown and minor scratches and bruises here and there from Aleena during these arguments. Aleena also does this thing where she constantly asks Mike to “pay her back” for things Mike does not even recall ever asking for- but he pays her back anyways. She’s even gone as far as asking for $200 which Mike willfully gave. The list goes on for Aleena’s abusive behavior. I’ve told Mike countless times to leave the relationship and seek help through therapy. Mike insists he’s not happy yet can’t let go. Mike has now been constantly coming to me to talk, but asks for no advice and only an ear to listen. Although I want to help mike, he refuses to listen to me or even allow me to help him. It’s gotten to the point where I want to completely cut him off from my life because he has absolutely no respect for himself to leave. WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
3RRsR3SdkNRp8hxQQpxqZqNAD0LI69io
|
b932cc
|
{
"description": "skipping my friend's party",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I skip my friend's party?
|
Throwaway account for the usual reasons.
My friend is having a big birthday party at the end of the month. We go to the same university, but she's an undergrad, and I'm a law student. Because of that difference, my finals start a week before hers do. Her party is before her finals, but during mine.
She changed the date of the party at one point, and it was initially going to be a week earlier, so before my finals would start. I told her I could go to her party then. After the change, which she reminded us about in a group chat, I texted her outside the chat to tell her that I wasn't sure if I could make it with the change in date. I didn't outright cancel, but said that I needed to focus more on my studying, so I'd try to stop by her house when everyone is there, but I can't go to the other end of the city for the second part of her party.
She tried to use the fact that I went out with some friends from class after our first final, but that was because that was the hardest (and first ever in law school) final of the semester, and we had almost a full week until our next exam (they pity the 1Ls at my school). I only stayed out for maybe half an hour (didn't even drink) before I went home to study more.
She's also mad because I'm going to another mutual friend's birthday party tonight. I have homework, but I've already told my friend I was leaving super early (after arriving late) to do it. Basically a "hi, happy birthday, here's your present, bye" situation.
She told me other people my age (she's a few years older than me) didn't have the same problem, and got mad when I pointed out that the other people my age either graduated and weren't in grad school (therefore no finals) or were undergrads (therefore a later start to their finals). She hasn't talked to me since that conversation.
I can understand where she's coming from and to an extent why she's upset, but I really think studying for finals is way more important than a birthday party. WIBTA for skipping?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
u25LRAD1m2CQmpfgJKJecMoQTd1V2Ddd
|
b8wmwv
|
{
"description": "holding up a train to recover stolen glasses",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for holding up a train to recover stolen glasses?
|
I work/run a pub in a small town. I was working a Saturday night when four guys in their 20’s came in and ordered 4 pints of red stripe. They went out for a cigarette then I saw them walking to the train station, which is opposite the pub with their glasses. Usually I might not have bothered because it was busy, but we only had 8 of the branded glasses which my regulars love. So I headed over with plastic(compostable) glasses for them to put their pints in. However as I was asking them, nicely, they hopped on the train and proceed to taunt me. I asked more sternly and one of them necked their drink and handed me the glass but another one threw their pint on me. This pissed me off quite a bit so I held the door open, preventing the train from leaving and called the conductor over to ask for help. He told me to stop holding the train up and let them stay on the train while they all continued to give me the finger.
I think the conductor was a spineless person that easily could have kicked them off the train as I’m certain they didn’t have tickets. But was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
dJMxxWHwMYZvX7KUiGr0hOZulnN72PpE
|
b63vp0
|
{
"description": "trying to express my sexuality",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to express my sexuality?
|
First off, I'm a transwoman, I came out to my friends almost a year ago. I have never really been the sort of trans person to be really "in your face" about my sexuality, most people wouldn't even figure it out unless I told them directly. I dress how I want, usually jeans and a edgy jumper with one of the bands I like, nothing that would outwardly tell people I identify as a woman.
This was mainly due to the fact that I was really nervous to be out in public and show who I truly am, but I wanted to change that recently so I got some more feminine clothing - a bra, female shaped shirts, etc. Just to try and make myself more comfortable in public and prove to myself that no one actually cares what someone wears.
&#x200B;
So yesterday, after one of my Computer Science classes, I was walking back to my dorm with a friend and he just blatently told me that 'I didn't look good with the feminine clothing and it makes him uncomfortable', I got kinda angry at this point and snapped at him, saying something along the lines of "It doesn't affect you directly" and "I just wanted to be more comfortable with myself". Now he's pissed at me, and not talking to me at all. Some of my other friends have heard what happened and have opted to his side, probably because he altered what I said.
&#x200B;
I feel like IATA just because I could have settled the matter better than instantly getting pissy at him, and just talked to him civilly about why I wanted to wear things like this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
gOBpD7uJC2s9CNSj3ROuCH6evRI7YZb9
|
afg69b
|
{
"description": "asking roommate to clean their mess",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking roommate to clean their mess?
|
Okay, we all know roommate situations suck. I have two roommates and one of them left the bath tub filled with 2-3 inches of dirty water and tons of pubes. I went to take a shower around 10:45 p.m. to discover the mess and no one else in the apartment.
There have been a lot of issues with roommates clogging drains/toilets over the past couple years, especially lately, but I feel like anyone in my position would be annoyed. I texted the group chat with a gentle reminder to collect hair before it goes down the drain, and I was called passive aggressive. Not my intention and I feel like my roommates would be pissed if I left the tub like this. Any ideas for how to respond to my roommates from here? Or if I even should?
[pic of the tub 1](https://imgur.com/a/Ix00Krb)
[pic of the tub 2](https://imgur.com/a/tpoXlFm)
[group chat](https://imgur.com/a/9faa7Hp)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
VtWVcVWWUwB78h1UavxIFLAoVGKCCeAS
|
b412d3
|
{
"description": "telling my full blooded mexican relatives they will never be white",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
WIBTA for telling my full blooded mexican relatives they will never be white?
|
Obligatory: I am on mobile, and I'm sorry for the awful formatting, though I will try my best.
I am half white, and half mexican. I am also very close with my mexican relatives, but I have one gripe with my older cousins.
Recently, one of my cousins ordered a 23andMe kit, and she was going on and on about how "she's probably going to end up being 90 percent Scandinavian and Swedish somehow."
And how she speaks of our family in Mexico is truly shocking. She quite frequently visits, and tells me how they're shocked by her whiteness (I have never seen someone look more mexican than her), and how American she is. She also proceeds to tell me she just has something different about her, and how she totally sticks out there.
Her older sister gives herself blonde streaks, and puts in green contact lenses.
I just want to shake them, and scream at them that they are not white, and to just accept what they are!
TL:DR: My full blooded mexican cousins do not accept that they are Mexican, and act as if they are not. I want to tell them that they are, and to just accept it. WIBTA for telling them so?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
4NJIrqt6kVvtVJsZXJSfIvn8GeMmtid4
|
a70nhu
|
{
"description": "setting my asshole boss up for a fall",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for setting my asshole boss up for a fall?
|
My boss is an asshole. Universally disliked, known for not being able to make a strategic decision to save her life and basically killing any decent idea that comes her way.
I have been working on a side project to innovate our service with a colleague from another department who has a direct line up to the CEO who has green lit it. My boss wants to kill the project dead, doesn't know the CEO has given the green light. The CEO is aware she wants to kill it but wants to keep his knowledge secret to give my boss enough rope to hang herself with.
I am fully conflicted right now. She is a single mum and could very well lose her job because of this, but on the other hand is an utter thunderc\*nt.
AITA for not telling her the CEO has given the green light?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
i1LMy6UbjnU1cH6HvXTppCHzIjKyifvG
|
arrkmq
|
{
"description": "expecting my gf to be able to do simple math",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for expecting my GF (27) to be able to do simple math?
|
Apologies for any formatting issues, mobile user here, also spelling isn’t my strong suit.
Long-ish post, TLDR right here for convenience
TLDR: gf and I arguing, tell her +/- numbers under ten is something she should be able to do, calls me an ass, am I?
I’d like to preface this by saying a persons education is not something they should apologize for. My GF also has some issues with dyslexia and ADD.
My GF works in customer service, is a high school graduate, and deals with numbers daily. Lately we have been having an increasing amount of arguments stemming apparently from me nit picking her about several things.
Though I see these things as something she should know, she feels different, and usually responds in an aggressive way (yelling at me).
One of the biggest issues is that she can’t seem to do simple math without a calculator or hand counting. And by simple math I mean adding and subtracting numbers UNDER TEN!
When I told her this is defiantly something she should be able to do, she called me an A$$ and said she “just can’t learn it!”
There is a lot more to this but the jist of it is here.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
KyBWHjVy2eLmuT2qvxOPtAJaiErsCmiR
|
b0w5rc
|
{
"description": "wanting to give up on my dad",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to give up on my dad?
|
My dad has been battling dementia and has been very stubborn about it.
He has gotten lost, gains mysterious injuries and has given tons of money to alcoholics without prioritizing himself. He also lies to me about going to the doctor and taking medication.
I have been taking care of both his and my rent, bills and taxes, I remind him everyday to take his medications and he tends to lash out at me, bully me,saying that it's easy to make me cry.
I'm going through a lot myself. I lost my job, I'm gaining weight and I'm becoming more and more of a shut-in. My stress and depression are off the charts and my family who live in different parts of the country are telling me that I need to take care of him.
I've got to give him food, clean his laundry, watch him take medicine 3-4 times a day, take him to the doctor, find a care taker or home WHILE he throws tantrums and curses obscenities. I'm already stressed and depressed and this just adds to it. It's too much! Do I have to do this all by myself?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
AJl7rz253yy5KdSTMuJrzPiFORDvwIND
|
9y2tgr
|
{
"description": "getting more stuff than my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Getting more Stuff than my boyfriend?
|
So we got Diablo about 2 weeks ago. I decided to be a wizard class, he decided to be a crusader with the idea that I would essentially be a glass cannon and he would tank. Well we beat it once on normal and towards the end he kept complaining that I was getting more drops than him. We decided it must be because I was P2 and we switched to do my storyline as P1 in hard mode till we maxed our characters. I still get more drops and at this point he thinks that I get rarer drops more often than he does. He is also pissed that my attack is at 434k and his is at 320k and wants his attack to match mine. He told me he hated it when I attacked too many things so I stopped killing as many things as I was (I have been using a continuous beam to kill things while he has a sword with limited distance) and purposefully aimed by beams away from him to cover his back. At one point he kept complaining that I was getting better drops because I killed do much so I just set the controller down so he kills everything (and by his guestimation gets more drops). Now hes upset that I am not playing and still getting better drops while just letting my character follow his. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
qEme2WBBzfocs16vhQRMDQL68IVsNhbZ
|
b1pbzb
|
{
"description": "stopping talking to a friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I stopped talking to a friend?
|
On mobile to please excuse typos/grammar. Etc...
I'm (28F) thinking of cutting off one of my best friends (30F).
I've known her for about 10 years now and when we first met we instantly clicked. She's an amazingly sweet girl but I'm at my wits end.
She works as a nurse and I run a small business so we're both very busy people but I feel I'm always the one to reach out to her. I'm always asking to hang out and see her... catch up! I honestly can't remember the last time she reached out to me about hanging out first. The only time she texts me is when she's met someone new on whatever new dating app she's using. That came off as bitchy but it's just true.
Last Friday I texted her to see if she wanted to hang either that evening or the next day. She responded saying she'd get back to me ASAP and I didn't hear back from her until Monday. She said she'd met a guy and they had spent all weekend together. I honestly felt this was just a bad friend move... a text would've been nice. Look I have a boyfriend but I make time for my friends because they're mportant to me. I haven't texted her since Wednesday and she hasn't bothered reaching out.
Would I be a total asshole if I just dropped her out of my life?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
JBU8Dq3LNZYQBa4og8KPx67dj4XNgMFF
|
b7o9qt
|
{
"description": "not letting my husband watch the birth",
"pronormative_score": 157,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
WIBTA if I didn't let my husband watch the birth?
|
I recently found out I'm pregnant. We're over the moon about it. Only thing is, I really don't want my husband watching the birth. I told him he can be in the room, hold my hand, hear the baby's first cry, but I do NOT want him front and center staring up my crotch. He is incredibly offended by this. He says this is something he will never have the chance to do again, it's his kid and he deserves to see the moment he/she is brought into this world, etc. I understand his point of view but honestly I just don't want anybody except the doctors and nurses looking at me in such a vulnerable state. ESPECIALLY my husband. I mean, he still has to find me attractive after this, and I'm just afraid that he won't after seeing me rip from my V to my A, and a lot women defecate on the delivery table. It's a pride thing and it's also a shyness thing, I want this moment to be beautiful and joyous and I just don't think it will be that way if he is staring into my vagina while it's happening. What's wrong with letting him be in the delivery room but not watch the birth? AITA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 24,
"OTHER": 69,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 88,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 157,
"WRONG": 24
}
|
RIGHT
|
ebmruFE69qCPsFaNeXVYsJ2sWgi7iOyN
|
auzk88
|
{
"description": "making my sisters friends pissed and leave",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making my sisters friends pissed and leave?
|
Hello, this is my first post here and I'll be writing on mobile, sorry if my English and grammar isnt the best.
A little backstory - I am very passionate about lizards and I own a small one. She is a tiny rankins dragon, only 8 inches long and 20 grams of weight, super tiny.
Now I usually dont let people hold and pet her because she is very fragile and small, as well as jumpy and skittish. She very easily could be squished by a hand or jump off someone holding her too high.
Yesterday neither my sister or I had school, so she invited some friends over. Long story short is they really wanted to hold and pet my lizard. And I get it, shes cute and kids like lizards, but I say no because shes skittish and small. They look disappointed and carry on going to the basement with my sister, I carry on doing things in my room where the lizard is. Almost 10 minutes later my sister comes up to me and demands I give her my lizard to play with her friends. My sister is many years younger than me and not careful at all, so I said no, because I didn't want anything to happen to her. She immediately gets super angry and tries to take the lizard, but I scoop her up and put her safely inside my hoodie, telling my sister to back off.
Less than an hour later the friends leave, and my sister comes back emotionally crying and screaming at me for ruining her and her friends day by not letting them play with the lizard.
AITA for not letting some kids play with my small lizard?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
05MhTQGtmK3ePrjhrItTEhS3igG2GkgY
|
aq3fah
|
{
"description": "acting like myself around my friends, even if that means I'm a depressed emotional wreck",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I acted like myself around my friends, even if that means I’m a depressed emotional wreck?
|
Using a throwaway in case my friends see this. Also sorry for the format. This is my first post on here and I’m on mobile.
A bit of background: Me and my friends have recently talked about “being ourselves” meaning we stop trying to appeal to each other and just do you. I’m actually cool with that idea, except “myself” is a hollow shell with depression who can barely string together a coherent sentence.
I have been suffering from depression for a long time, at this point the time doesn’t really matter. I’ve tried everything to stop it but nothing works so I’ve just lived with it. Since I was depressed, I’ve thought negatively about myself, which caused me to avoid having friends for most of my life. And because of that, I haven’t really been able to work on my language skills so my performance in a real conversation is not the greatest (even though I was born in America, so English is my first language). I’ve had trust issues as the rare occasions I have had friends they all double-crossed me to humiliate me. Anyways, back to the more pressing issue.
My current friends are great people. I enjoy spending time with them and even though I don’t say a whole lot, I know they enjoy my company. I usually am able to suppress my depression while hanging out with them, and am doing better with handling it ever since I met them. Anyways, we have recently talked about being more true to ourselves when it comes to how we act and to just be you with each other. I know, it’s pretty dumb, but I’m actually interested. But the only problem is that I’m worried that by being myself, everyone else will be miserable with my fragile mind and unstable emotions.
So, I’ve taken to the great strangers on the internet to ask this: WIBTA if I followed through and was myself around my friends, even if it made them all miserable around me?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
2fezkXkA5AWFFl2i3fXyBZdYNfr6ACy7
|
b74rvr
|
{
"description": "deleting family member on social media because of post",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for deleting family member on social media because of post ?
|
Hey guys, this has kind of been swirling around my brain for a bit, and I decided to post.
My family member and I got into an argument back in Feb, we had not spoken and she posted a photo that said
"I went to sign my dog up for welfare. they said he's not eligible. I said he's lazy, unemployed, and doesn't know his daddy. he gets his cheque next week."
&#x200B;
for context, I'm a single mother raising my kid alone. he doesn't know who his father is because it was an abusive relationship. I decided to delete her off social media just so I didn't have to look at these kinds of posts anymore. She decided to text me and tell me that I'm overreacting, being a bitch, and just a horrible person for deleting her. I know I did the best thing for me and my kid, but i'm still unsure.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
DWCtVGHls804ptgnJtxEcQWNPxSKYf3N
|
amaqa5
|
{
"description": "asking my fiance to donate less to charity",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For asking my Fiance to donate less to charity?
|
For context, we are both college students on a pretty tight budget. We have a collective food system and fiscally split groceries between four people total. My Fiance was out of work for a while and so I covered their part of groceries and utilities while they found another job. Not a big deal, that's what you do for love. They've recently got a new job, and used their first paycheck (only spanning three days) to pay for the water bill.
Our college puts on a yearly drag show to benefit local LGBT shelters, and we go every year. I can't attend this year because of work. I hear through the grapevine that they got 50 dollars worth of one's out from savings to tip the performers (and therefore the charity) with. I'm a little upset by this, as they've skipped out on the last three or four grocery runs, and I feel that they could put their money to better use on our tight budget. I try to bring this up to them, and even suggest that they only bring 20.
They told me that it's for a good cause, only a once year event, and they already had the money out of savings, so they didn't know what I wanted them to do. I responded by telling them that they're an adult and I can't control how they spend their money, but I feel that it could be better used. They said they didn't see how the conversation could have a positive outcome and that's how it ended.
Overall it just left a sour taste in my mouth. I love them with all my heart. Am I the asshole here?
TL;DR: My fiance who was recently unemployed and unable to help pay for groceries pulled money out of savings to donate to a charity show.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
yYcnNd5Lt0FxTAOrZVdViLU0AA2Pk8ln
|
ajg2ls
|
{
"description": "potentially sabotaging my former bosses business because of health risks within the building",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA If I potentially sabotaged my former bosses business because of health risks within the building
|
I worked part time at a fun center (local arcade sorta thing) and the things I've seen there are honestly worrying to me. I have since been fired because I have been repeatedly "tired" from football. This was a few months ago and I have since been job searching.
The problems arose on the 3rd day of the job. I was training with another co worker (who got fired 2 weeks later) and we were tasked with cleaning the womans rest room. I shit you not there was blood smeared and caked across the stall walls. The box where they disposed of tampons looked as if it had never been cleaned.
No big deal. We just cleaned it and moved on, horrified.
2nd issue was the dog. The owner has a dog. The dog just roams around the property and does what she pleases. The dog has repeatedly bitten my hands when cleaning and just petting her. But the kicker here is that the dog would walk into the kitchen. I feel like animals in the kitchen besides the dead one that we cook would be a health code violation. This dog was crazy.
3rd problem with his business is there was mold in the hot fudge and on the walls. I get on the walls. It was moist. It's fine to clean it. But in the hot fudge?!!! He just scooped it out and said keep working!
4th and final problem. Whilst gathering the golfballs in the back of the fun center I noticed a neat under the metal cover. After further investigation I say a little mouse chilling and hiding from me. I didnt say anything. I just assumed he knew.
Other info
I was the longest employee working
I had to deal with uncles perverting daughter's
I didnt get any breaks
I got a raise but then got my hours cut back
I only worked with my boss, even when days were busy.
So I ask you reddit. AITA If I potentially sabotaged my former bosses business because of health risks within the building
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
S78QeZtDcXrTQkTNIbMpJCJYBsWmchz3
|
axua5r
|
{
"description": "being the only person with an issue with class stacking in D&D",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being the only person with an issue with class stacking in D&D
|
Ill get strait into it:
I recently joined a roll20 game after being stuck as the forever dm for 3 years, its a paid game which I was curious about & the 40/month cost wasn't a big deal.
First session is great I get to channel 3 years of wanting to play into this dragonborn barbarian & my SO seeing how excited I am offered to do some character art for me.
Fast forward a week and we get a new player who also decided they want to go barbarian, I was at work at the time but everyone else seemed fine with it. I noticed them planning to be a barbarian while I was at work but didn't get a chance to say anything. I thought about it while I was at work & when i finished i asked everyone if they minded me swapping to warlock.
The new guy seemed a bit surprised & offered to change, but I felt that my personal issues with class stacking shouldn't affect anyone else & we had a back and forth where i jokingly offered to roll him for it to try and break the tension.
Everyone else piped in at this point saying stuff like class stacking doesn't matter, its about the character not the prom dress, etc. This gave me the shits so i just said you play barb ill play lock, then quickly explained my reason for the choice.
Everyone's been acting a bit tense since then & I kinda feel a bit unwelcome my SO had a look through the chat logs & said I was just overthinking it & offered to re-do the character art as a warlock. I'm not convinced though
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
O2TC71hok3upO4qM60bmxJXqGoHccjxp
|
aip98s
| null |
AITA TwoXchromasomes removed my comment
|
Basically there was this post on TwoXchromasomes talking about how an in celebration threatened to kill women.
So I commented not all incels are like this. I learned that from based shaman.
Based shaman is this really popular YouTuber who makes videos on various subjects one of them being incels, and going through analysis and even helping some incels get out of that mindset.
I got heavily down voted and I don't know if im in the wrong here.
Is it me or does TwoXchromasomes actually have a point here.
And I'm starting to think, maybe I was somehow wrong. So can someone tell me if I did something wrong or if I'm in the right.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
2jxqT5ItqJlnGuwErSqJ6OkfN1ufWvPa
|
b6jcbn
|
{
"description": "wanting my brother to spend some of his first paycheck covering the dry cleaning expenses of a very expensive garmit",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my brother to spend some of his first paycheck covering the dry cleaning expenses of a very expensive garmit?
|
Sorry for formatting, on mobile. First and foremost, my brother (20) is on the autism spectrum. He doesn’t understand boundaries, societal customs, or (significantly here) monetary value (meaning that just because our dad can afford to get him a 99 cent song doesn’t mean it’s affordable to spend $60 on a video game). He also has been cross dressing since I was a teenager and he was a preteen. He likes to wear women’s clothing alone in his bedroom, and women’s underwear whenever he feels like it. I (23) have no issue with this. I’d take him to a store if he wanted, help him try stuff on. I thought he was done stealing my belongings like he had for years when I told him I’d give him anything I wasn’t using and anything that wasn’t underwear he could try on if he wanted to, as long as I was with him. Cultures all around the world fascinate me and I love their traditional clothing. A few years ago, before moving out, I saved up $400 to buy a kimono I’d been wanting. I worked for it for months, and had a professional show me how to wear it properly. It’s silk, and it’s gorgeous. I left it in my closet at my dad’s so it wouldn’t get damaged when I moved out. I visited recently and knocked on his bedroom door to greet him. Now his cat lives in his room and he never cleans. It reeks of pee and poop and has litter all over the floor. And there was my kimono, lying on the floor. The obi (sash) was by the litter box. I almost screamed from horror. I asked for it back, completely freaked out, my voice higher than normal and told him it was unacceptable, and my dad helped me stash it in my room. My brother was upset I was upset and I wanted to scream at him. My dad insisted he didn’t understand any of it. I know he doesn’t and he can’t help that. But my kimono reeks of cat pee and poop. It’s covered in litter. It’s stained. I want him to use his first paycheck whenever he gets a job to pay for it to be dry cleaned. My dad said that was fine. AITA for that and for my reaction?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
amJgrPTv0tLLHowHnKHJHv5OyfHaBJbq
|
b2hteo
|
{
"description": "honking at and flashing my lights at a person doing 50-60km/h in a 90km/h zone",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for honking at and flashing my lights at a person doing 50-60km/h in a 90km/h zone?
|
For the peeps who use imperial: the person was doing 31-37mph in a 55mph zone.
&#x200B;
Some context: I live in Australia and was night driving down a rural-ish road, where there is only one lane each way.
&#x200B;
Also, I do understand the 90km/h is a speed *limit*. However, when someone does 30-40, it becomes a bit of a danger. Hear me out.; If I'm driving behind this person, and another person is approaching from behind, they can't really see that I'm not going the speed limit, let alone 30-40 below. They will start off slowing approaching me, but as they start getting nearer (say 100m, around 330ft) they'll realise they're actually approaching quite rapidly, and slam on they breaks. But what if the person behind me wasn't paying attention? Or anyone in the line that started to build up behind us? Remember, it's night time, the road isn't lit, and there's not much room for distance perception.
&#x200B;
I know the the person was not a learning or an inexperienced driver as they didn't have L or P plates (learner/provisional for non-aussies. L plates for first 1 year of driving P's for the second). Maybe they were just a timid driver. But why not take an alternate route? There's another road that heads in the same direction and ends up in the same place, but has a lower speed limit (80km/h, 50mph), and much less traffic.
&#x200B;
They did eventually pull over (after about 4km, 2.5 miles) and the long line behind them could overtake. Aside from the fact that it took me a whole extra 10 minutes to get home, what they did was also unsafe.
&#x200B;
Yes, I do understand that what I did was probably illegal and I was being a bully, but all I wanted to do was get home after a long day. I just wanted to eat, shower, and sleep. So, am I an asshole, given the circumstance?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
MgB8CGTXst0iCViDmTEXD0obzE4vKdC9
|
apss6y
|
{
"description": "not talking to a transphobic friend",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not talking to a transphobic friend?
|
First, I’d like to apologize for any mistakes, English is not my first language.
&#x200B;
Background information: I’m a transgender man. I met some LGBT-friendly people I got close with during my first year of university and everything was going pretty well between us. I introduced them to a guy in our course I befriended later on. They all liked him and he was a really cool guy, inviting us to his place to study and play D&D, supporting when some of us came out of the closet…
&#x200B;
In September, we were all chatting on our group chat about random stuff until the guy started posting memes and making transphobic jokes I did not like at all. I called him out, reminding him that was not okay. He apologized and everyone acted like nothing happened. Two days later, same problem. I called him out again, and he apologized again. I was starting to get annoyed with him as he continued to do that every week.
At some point in mid-October I got really mad and told him to shut up when he was making another “joke” (irl this time), then stopped talking to him at all. I left the group chat but kept talking to the others during class and by messages, but they seemed to grow distant, to the point they stopped talking to me.
Now we’re in February and no one from the group had talked to me since. They act like I have the plague or something, not saying hello or responding when I try to interact for homework and avoiding sitting next to me during class. The only interaction we had since happened yesterday, when a girl from the group throw to my face the signing sheet during class.
&#x200B;
On one hand, my relatives told me it was my fault for not being tolerant and that I only got what I deserved. On the other, two close friends agreed they acted like children and that it’s good riddance.
I’m now wondering, am I the asshole here? Was I really intolerant by telling him to shut up? Did I really get what I deserved?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 6
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
OB0gug2X7Yfv8nOxmTtkt2uHcPdlRHFh
|
akjuej
|
{
"description": "telling a classmate I don't consider him a friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for telling a classmate I don't consider him a friend?
|
In 7th grade there was this kid (let's call him G) that I had two periods with every semester (3 if you count recess, but I don't since I spent the majority of 7th grade recess in the library playing computer games). G and I made a couple jokes together, occasionally talked if we were next to each other or worked on a group project, etc. He has his friend group, I have mine. We only saw each other at school, and I didn't have access to a phone or social media, so we never texted or messaged each other.
Fast forward to 8th grade, and we talked even less because 1. we only had two periods together the entire year(again, 3 if you count recess, but that year I actually went outside) and 2. I made friends with other people, and I preferred to talk/ hang out with them more at school. On the last semester, I had G in my 3rd period class where a group of students created booklets showing off our favorite moments of the year. G said something along the lines of "PenultimateKetechup, we're best buds, right?" and I responded by saying "Sorry, I actually don't consider you a friend." He proceeded by sarcastically saying "Wow PenultimateKetechup, I can't believe you'd do something like this". I thought that would be the end, but of course it wasn't. He'd tell other people in the class how we were super close last year, and then this year I ended up ditching him, phrasing it like we had a full fledged friendship, only for me to end up ignoring him. He did that for the remainder of the school year, and then it was summer vacation. This year, I don't have any classes with him, but everytime I see him in the hallways, he stares straight at me like I did something terrible. Did I actually do something wrong, and who's the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
STRsUdcrl801Puw1kYDgeoPkVHEjNK0m
|
a233e5
|
{
"description": "feeling like I'm being guilt tripped and wanting this situation to change",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling like I’m being guilt tripped and wanting this situation to change?
|
I’m am a 20 year old student who also works part time. My grandma on my Dad’s side is divorced and lives alone, but seems to have a pretty good social life (Bowls, language classes ect). I don’t have this problem with the other grandparents, but they’re all married.
Basically every time I talk to her, she will ask for me to come over, go to a movie ect, and most the time I don’t have the backbone to say no (From my calendar, I’ve gone out with her every break since starting university, although she also asks during the semester). When I do have the guts to say I’m busy or just don’t feel like it, I’ll usually get responses like “Don’t you want to spend time with me”, “I thought we were close” or even “Don’t you love me anymore”.
The thing is, it’s not really an enjoyable experience for either of us. I’m admittedly not the most socially savvy person, but I feel we don’t have anything in common, and last time I tried to bring up something that she would be interested in (a friend of hers who I didn’t know she had fallen out with - My dad told me later), she asked why I was asking... So we’re meant to be “close” but can’t even have a normal conversation or be honest with each other?
Honestly, I’d just prefer to see her with the whole family, as I feel it gets too intense when one-on-one. Does this make me a bad person? Or should I just suck it up and continue to go out with her every university break due to family obligation? (Which to be fair is twice a year, however I’ve already gone out with her when the break started mid Nov and now she’s asking again).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
8v0RkYg3fL33XFlpFVkSHoJ7CQ7taPV7
|
b3qgvt
|
{
"description": "not wanting to spend the weekend with my husband's ex wife",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to spend the weekend with my husband’s ex wife?
|
Our granddaughter’s Birthday is this weekend and my stepdaughter is planning a big party. We received invitations a month ago and confirmed we were coming. We usually stay with them or our other daughter. We got a call last night that we would need to find other arrangements because our son-in-law’s parents are staying with them and their mother is staying with the other daughter. Immediately I feel like the ugly step child. We at perfectly capable of getting our own place which is what my husband did for 3 days (2 nights). I don’t want to hang out that long with his ex. (We don’t get along after we took custody of the kids because her bf was abusing them). Anyway my husband says we either go the entire weekend or stay home.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
vLpKHzFWsnd91mwyCza3laIo2CH5jcWv
|
aepsn7
|
{
"description": "being upset about this interaction with my neighbor",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for being upset about this interaction with my neighbor?
|
I (P) recently had a text exchange with a neighbor (M) who thinks that I am being "accusatory". H is the mother of two young girls, one of which is R, who are visiting. Am I being an unreasonable asshole?
Here is the text exchange:
&#x200B;
Me: Hi M, Please drive up and down our driveway more slowly. The girls are regularly going up and down. H saw them just now have to run to get out of the way and it made her very uncomfortable. Thanks. P.
&#x200B;
M: Hi P. I'm happy to drive slower but I did review the video from my dashcam and saying that the kids had to run to get out of the way is not accurate.
&#x200B;
Me: Thanks, M. Re the dash cam - I did not see what happened. R felt scared enough to run up the driveway away from the car. What you did not acknowledge was that the girls felt scared and H too. The dash cam may tell you that they did not HAVE to run to get out of the way, but it does not tell you the emotional impact of your car coming up the drive faster than we drive and they felt scared enough to run.
&#x200B;
M: Of course my text didn't acknowledge that because I cannot acknowledge what I don't know. You did not say that they were scared. Instead, your text was unnecessarily accusatory and you've admitted that you don't know what happened. That is why I responded the way that I did. I request that in the future you refrain from making accusations when you don't know the facts. To get me to drive slower just needs a request. Indeed, I already drive slower on your driveway that I do elsewhere and now I know that you would like me to go even slower, which I will do.
&#x200B;
Me: Which text had accusations? My first or second?
&#x200B;
M: When you say that they 'had to run to get out of the way'.
&#x200B;
Me: What am I accusing you of? The presence of your car made R feel scared and run. To get out of the way. That's what H saw. If I had said you were driving at dangerous speed or put them in danger I would consider either of those an accusation.
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
EFGAk9pzLMuCam1aaJSNfKoLHmxLIvbN
|
b5ztrp
|
{
"description": "trying to be a decent parent",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to be a decent parent?
|
Very Long, TLDR at bottom
Last week I (26) took my son (3) to the library with my girlfriend. Everything was fine at first, dropped off the books and toys and headed to the kids section. However as we are looking for books my son decided he would rather run around the library and be chased by me. This is cute normally but I have anxiety and him being loud in the library was killing me and I tried to redirect him back to the books so we could pick some. He was having none of this. He starts screaming bloody murder.
At this point I decide I'll try and calm him down, but doesn't work, so I took him out of the library kicking and screaming, I was telling him he needed to use his inside voice the whole time. But he kept screening for "Froggy" the toy we were gonna get before the meltdown.
I set him in the car so he can scream it out and me and my girlfriend stand by the car hoping he will calm down. No luck. So we instead wait for him to relax and then go to the park instead where him being loud is okay.
We get to the park and have a great time for an hour and a half, but when I get back to the car my mother (who I live with) has been calling me non-stop. She's saying the cops are there and looking for me.
So we get home and talk to the cop who is nice enough but says that someone reported my car cause they believed I was kidnapping my son. They heard him calling for "mommy" (see aforementioned "Froggy". ) And that my girlfriend who was with me didn't seem like his mom, which... Fine but she has dark hair just like me and my son so idk.
After explaining things to the cops I go inside. Only to be greeted by my Mother yelling at me that I must have done something to cause all this and that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree (talking about my father). My girlfriend backs me up on nothing happened other then me trying to remove screaming son from public.
This was all a week ago and I thought it was done with.
But tonight my mother brought it up again, and told me that "every time the cops are called here your stepfather has to report it to his work". Now I took offense to this, naturally as I felt I was being blamed for the actions of someone else. I explained again how my Gf was there and had also said there was nothing we did wrong. But this just set her off more, she started yelling about how I can't allow the cops to get involved cause I'm putting my stepdad's job at risk. This naturally devolved into a good fashioned family shit fest. And now I'm being told I need to move out.
TLDR: I was accused of kidnapping my son for not letting him throw a fit in the library. I explain to police and try to explain to my mother (who I live with) but instead I am getting blamed for having police involved and told I'm endangering my step dad's job. Now I have to move out.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QdUsnfd9PDWqydXUlomYShKuHFv8Wy11
|
b9jv65
|
{
"description": "not wanting my ex to go to a school I was considering",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for not wanting my ex to go to a school I was considering?
|
Bit of backstory:
I am 19F, ex is 20M. We went to the same university last year after having started dating senior year of HS. I had decided to go to [school A] before my ex did. At the time, yes, we were crazy about each other. By the end of the year we were broken up, he had withdrawn from school A and so had I. He moved away with his parents, and I moved back in with mine but about 5 hours away. Up until then we had been in the same city pretty much nonstop.
I have been considering going to a baking school near me for about 6 months, after I finish this school year. It’s a great baking school and an equally great culinary school [school B], and my ex’s passion is cooking. He asked me a few months ago if I was still considering going to the baking school and I told him I was just focused on my current classes and getting my associates. You could say my interest in baking is as of pretty recently, but I’ve been working in a bakery and loving it. I’m pretty unsure of what I want to do long term and I think I’d enjoy baking so I want to go to this school, but now I hear that he has enrolled for the semester before me.
He’s told me that he isn’t following me to this school (but it wouldn’t be the first time) and that he is really excited and interested in the program, but I can’t commit to going if I know he will be there. It’s tough to explain but I don’t think I’ll be able to focus at all. He also said that the baking and culinary classes are totally separate, so we wouldn’t have any classes together, but it’s a really small school in the first place. There are also some times when certain groups are off campus for internships, so we’d only be on campus with one another for about 10 months total over 2 years. He said I can’t call dibs on a school, which I know, but shouldn’t he care more about how his decision would fuck my plans over?
I told him that he’s being very insensitive to my needs, and while I care about him, I told him up front that he would lose me if he enrolled. I’m pretty confident he still has feelings for me even though he says he doesn’t. He said he wanted me not to change my decision to go to this school because of him, but how can I? I blocked him on everything. I just can’t believe he would pull this shit after telling me how many times he wanted me to be happy.
So Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
0VYnoyEbp5cRJzttHzdx1Mc3fN8mXgor
|
aeoxvn
|
{
"description": "asking my siblings if they got sick/have green poop from their parents party on Monday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I ask my siblings if they got sick/have green poop from their parents party on Monday?
|
So my sister and brother in law drove me an hour to their parents house for the college championship football game.
Their parents spent a good amount of money on making food and had the game on. They offered good hospitality as well. My brother in laws mother spent hours making the food and is super nice.
But ever since then I’ve had green poop. I’ve felt terrible. Like sick.
I’m pretty sure it’s from that food. But my siblings and parents spent so much time and effort on that gathering I would feel terrible asking if they got sick too, or asking if anything was wrong with the food from their parents.
What do I do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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