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GJgbq0TNfdC83HYJO3vXXCa6AHFq836g
|
9y1a96
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend I'm not responsible for what she wants",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For telling my girlfriend I'm not responsible for what she wants?
|
Context.
There is a Jon Bellion concert coming next year and the tickets just became available.
We both love his work and would like to go but I make it clear that I'm there for her. Not entirely for the concert (I'm not big on live stage performances unless its Hamilton or Bo Burnham)
So we have two options. $40 General admissions or $50
I tell her money is not an issue. And we're buying our own tickets. So no one is buying the other anything.
She wants the $50 one and I agree.
She then says "are you sure?" And I tell her
"Money isn't an issue, other wise it's up to you"
So it ends up becoming this weird back and forth where. I kept getting asked if I'm sure I dont want the cheaper one. The I drop the line.
"I am not responsible with what you want. You choose how you want to enjoy this"
And I ask her if shes sure she wants to go.
She says "yeah but we dont have to of you dont want to"
And I'm like...
First of all.
No one makes decisions for both of us.
If she wants to go. That's fine. I can come with her and enjoy it.
But dont make it my responsibility if you dont go.
Like I'm not gonna choose for her.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
0im83KZQga2dpmuUMu83NYuuzWczz5jv
|
atjrfa
|
{
"description": "telling my husband that his dad can't babysit our kid",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my husband that his dad can't babysit our kid?
|
2 important things before I get started. 1. Me and my husband recently got pregnant. 2. My FILs wife is a truly repugnant person.
Most people on her side of the family and my FIL side can't stand her. In fact I used to be a care giver for her mom (as a favor) so I would talk to her brother a fair amount. He once told me, "as devastating as it is going to be when my mom passes, the silver lining is that I will never have to talk to Karen (fake name) again."
Neither me or my husband can stand her and she can't stand either of us so they don't invite us over for the holidays and we wouldn't go if they did.
But in spite of that my husband and his dad are still really close. They golf once a week go to a lot of sporting events together will usually hang out once a week on our patio drinking whiskey and shooting the shit.
By I recently told my husband my his dad won't be allowed to babysit our kid because I don't want Karen sinking her claws into our kid. I told him his dad is welcome to visit whenever he wants but we never drop our kid off at their place.
Do I honestly believe that she will harm our child? No probably not. But I absolutely wouldn't put it past her to say little things in our kids ear to try and undermine us once our kid is old enough to understand.
But this upset my husband. He talked about how excited his dad was to be a grandpa and how we need to trust him to take care of our little one. And he mentioned how few people we have that will be willing and able to babysit.
But my position hasn't changed. Am I the asshole for making this demand?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
43FEw3ujXpiQMYKxjORoaYVhK73ma3Qj
|
ayapy3
|
{
"description": "leg-sweeping my classmate",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For leg-sweeping my classmate
|
I'm on mobile so sorry for bad formatting.
I am a big guy (200pounds) and in 9th grade. My classmate (Let's call him Sid). He is like 130 pounds but he is taller than me. Sid thinks he can bully me so he kicked me from my behind. I was mad so I kicked him back. He then called me names and started pushing me and told me to fuck off. He kicked me again so I pushed him and kicked him too. Then I leg-sweeped him very fast and he fell on his back. He wasn't injured but he was sad and sat alone near the window. I think I shouldn't have done it, but he always acts up and wants to be cool when he's not.
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ykIAwCds4PZ84Yd19m3lkdyj2fMjzu0i
|
b5pjvv
|
{
"description": "dumping a girl because I was still thinking of another girl",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for dumping a girl because I was still thinking of another girl
|
There’s a girl who I’ve like for months, let’s call her A. I hang out with her almost 24/7 and I have never liked anyone more. Despite this, she didn’t feel the same way.
Weeks go by and I continue to hang with A l, I enjoy every second of it but everything I drop her off I’m hurt that we can’t be more. She knows I’m in pain and we decide to take a break from each other (no texting/communication whatsoever) when I take a 4 day school trip.
On this trip is a girl who has had a crush on me for a few weeks now, we’ll call her B. On the trip I hung out with B almost the whole time, not only did we hang but I kissed her, we cuddled, etc.
She says she wants to be in a relationship with me and I said yes. After we got back from the trip (A has not talked to me yet) I get home and I think about the whole weekend. During the trip I had pushed many thoughts away, I wanted to like B but my heart was still stuck on A, the amount that I liked A was so immense. When B and I did all the things I said like cuddle, kiss, etc. I had been pushing away thoughts of A and I didn’t think that was going to lead to a healthy relationship and that I was going to hurt her down the road because I still liked another girl
(Btw B knew I had feelings for A)
I decided the best thing to do would be to break up with B, this is what I said:
“This relationship started because I wanted A out of my head, I wanted to be done with her. Even if she doesn’t have feelings for me, the feelings I have for her are so strong I just can’t handle being with anybody until my feelings for her are gone. I don’t want to lead you on lying to myself and you that I don’t like A. I want to break this off now before I hurt you in the future even more than I have now. You are an amazing girl, your smart, cute, funny, and (inside joke). Please don’t change, your a great person and I’m sorry I’m doing this to you. I’d love to go back to where we were before this weekend but I don’t know if we can. Hate me if u want, I just don’t want to hurt u more down the road”
A few hours after this A texts me that our break made her like me. She said she thought about me all the time and those thoughts led to her thinking of me in a romantic way. (Just a side note, she had no idea about B so she did not decide to like me after I got into a relationship with another girl) We quickly get into a relationship. I’m happy, happier then I have ever been. But I have this thought in the back of my head that I treated B like shit.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
SU4WvDFJjCczLW20fEl1ClfCIosVP3U2
|
asladf
|
{
"description": "losing interest even after I request convos",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for losing interest even after I request convos?
|
I've made several posts on r/needafriend with different expectations every time.
I state those expectations in my post and give some basic info about me (ASL, occupation, some hobbies).
Basically, I just give enough info to start out a convo but leaving enough room for the people messaging me to get to know me and ask what they want or just more details about what I said.
Most conversations end up being small talk, which I don't mind that much but most people will ask me basic things that are just right there in my post and it makes me lose interest right away. Someone will be like "Hey, how are you? By the way, where are you from?" when that's literally in the post.
The posts also are quite short, not a foot long of random stuff about me. I made bullet points with like "I am 22." is it really that hard to read?
I feel like most just message me because I'm a girl, that's the only thing I'm never asked.
I feel like an ass for doing that to people who messaged me after literally posting on a subreddit whose purpose is to find people to chat with.
​
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
sBbCqMVb5FHLrH55PPl5kGXIVkCD79fY
|
as9ues
|
{
"description": "going back in my word to financially support my mum and don't move in with her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA if I go back in my word to financially support my mum and don't move in with her?
|
As always, it's much more in depth than the title suggests.
At the end of June my partner and I plan on going travelling for 6 months, and because of this we're trying to save every penny we can.
At the same time, my mum who is financially struggling and lives in rented accommodation has a spare room. I told her a few weeks ago that my partner and I would move in for the last 3 months before we go so that we can save more and it will help her out.
However, this is where the issue is. I think that I was too hasty in telling her that we would move in which undoubtedly made her feel more at ease financially.
Now that the time is drawing nearer, I'm apprehensive about making the move for 3 months.
The pros are;
- It would allow us to save an extra £1200 between us, which is enough to extend our travels by at least a month.
- It would help my mum out financially and give her some company
The cons are;
- The loss of independence
- It would be an extra hour worth of travel to and from work everyday for me
- my girlfriend currently walks to work and instead would have to get a half hour bus each way
- I'm a terrible insomniac and my mum's flat is next to a busy road. This seems inconsequential to somebody who sleeps fine
- We have previously lived with my mum, but moved out as it was fairly intense
I'm struggling with the right thing to do.
More money vs. Easy journey to work
Help my mum out vs. Lose dearly held independen
I've been in a really tight spot mentally and physically with being chronically ill for the last three years, which is finally getting better. The issue is, i don't want to sacrafice my positive mental health by looking at brake lights for an extra hour a day and end up miserable again.
So, AITA for saying yes to moving in with her and then wanting t go back on my word?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
iHQ9BFeJgFVL4cT6Ri8PG4bbYjKTAVjR
|
akmthm
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friend for not reading my mind",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friend for not reading my mind?
|
So I have this friend who I'll call F and I consider her my best friend, not because of her personality, but because I talk to her the most. (I'm a girl by the way.) But I know she has better friends than me. (I don't really care.) There are many of AITA moments I have with her, too many, so maybe I'll write about them separately later.
We go to the same class. I definitely wouldn't call her dumb, but I'm still smarter than her, so I help her a lot when it comes to school. But I'm very lazy and I usually don't do my homeworks nor do I learn for exams except on breaks. (r/ImVerySmart) She's definitely not a nerd, but she still does more for school than I do. So she is the more diligent one. And she always refers to herself as such, calling me the lazy one. And I always laugh and agree.
She often asks me to help her with her assignments though I haven't even done mine yet and I end up doing litteraly all of it most of the time. Same goes with group projects. She even a better grade than me a few times, just because I put more effort to her work than to mine. Though she still thinks she has lots to offer me in return, but I never ask her for anything.
Now, from the other side. I always help her without a second thought. I never complain about anything. I say it's fun for me to do those even though it's not true. I somehow expect her to read my mind and hear me saying "Stop, I won't say no, but this is not what friends do. I'm mad at you for not realizing that yourself."
AITA for thinking that?
Also, everytime she gets a better grade than me, she says "Wow, I'm better than you." And she might mean it like a compliment, but it seriously drives me crazy.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
NXokfX2px97byaZPhpM6HpHGQGFqaRoF
|
age4xe
|
{
"description": "getting cold feet before sex",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting cold feet before sex
|
So this happened last night when I was at my girlfriends house, we were messing around after dinner and snuck up to her room when her parents took out the dog.
We were having a laugh and started making out and after a couple of minutes she started to take her top off and mine too. I was a little uncomfortable but I kept going as a horny 15 yo.
Eventually it led to her lying on the bed naked and me kneeling over her in the nude and sweating to fuck. She started to look confused with me just standing over her and I mumbled something and ran out the room with my jeans in one arm.
She’s not answered any of my calls since last night and I feel like a asshole. I was almost shitting myself and she was ready but I wasn’t and I just want to know if I’m an asshole for not doing it with her
TLDR: got cold feet before having sex and ran off. Gf won’t answer my calls and I feel like an asshole
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
e3161OuNMsTKmuYVYmzaRapmxiB4q3CO
|
ayv5kd
|
{
"description": "going out with my bullies crush",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA if i go out with my bullies crush?
|
So, i have been bullied by those girls, actually both girls and guys in my class (except 2 guys) and a lot of kids in school. You know how those things start, one popular kid will keep on hating on you, calling you names and bully you and the rest will follow like bunch of sheeps. I only have one best friend, its ok at least one real friend is better than fake friends.
​
So, in our school there is this guy, he is truly handsome, like really handsome and cool, he is so popular but he isnt asshole or fake he is just a good blessed guy. most of my classmates likes him, my bullies have crush on him, especially my nr1 bully, its clear that she really has feelings for him.
​
so a lot happened but to the important point, i am an outcast at school and he is the only person who doesnt bully me, in fact he likes me, he always sits with me and eats lunch with me, he even embarrasses them if they try to bully me.
​
Yesterday while they were bullying me like always he confessed to me in front of the whole class and i said yes, so the problem is i am only doing this to annoy her but i dont mind dating him too.
​
We planned for a date. he seems so sweet, he is 16. he stares at me sometimes, whenever i look back he will play with his hair, he smiles a lot whenever we are talking, he sits next to me in class.
​
i think i dont have feelings for him but just like the thought of liking him, i mean i dont know, i dont know what love is.
​
wibta? or aita?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
PiFG8o80lWDpgqtbKoplt6nCQ45GjPsc
|
apyiut
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend?
|
I apologize in advance for any formatting issues, I'm on mobile.
We are both in our last semester of senior year of high school, and we had started just shy of a year ago. I realized that I wasn't super attracted to her anymore, and I wasnt enjoying being around her as much. It got to the point where I was questioning it so much, I decided to break it off.
I decided to let her friend know about what I was going to do, and ask her to be there for my girlfriend after the breakup. I still care about her, and I want her to have a friend and be taken care of. This was a mistake, as she immediately texted her, no warning to me. That caused the cliche passing period drama that you see in bad netflix movies.
I finish the day out, a little confused and pretty upset. I get the chance to talk with her, and we seem to agree that we dont want bad blood here at all. I wanted to be friends still, in hopes that we could still have a healthy, friendly, relationship. She said that wasnt going to be possible, at least not for a while. Fair enough, I'm not the one being dumped. We gave eachother our well wishes, and went home.
Ever since, a lot of people that I thought I was cool with have been giving me the cold shoulder and stink eye. I figured a few are just par for the course, but its honestly pretty upsetting, given that I was trying my best not to hurt her. That being said, it seemed like she wasnt expecting what i did.
Am I an asshole for breaking up with her for something like physical attraction? I don't feel like the best guy in the world for it, but I didnt think I was doing anything too bad.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
p8qOQSEvz5hU3j8dZbDCWSqVUYPEAymu
|
b9wlsp
|
{
"description": "asking my stepmom not to force her politics and atheism onto my sister",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for asking my stepmom not to force her politics and atheism onto my sister?
|
I'm 17, my sister's 9. My stepmom, let's call her Jane, is extremely left-wing, and a self-described democratic socialist. My dad is fairly apolitical, and doesn't care. At first, Jane tried to force her views onto me by 'casually' buying me campaign merch and books about her ideology, plus trying to get me to go to protests and the like. She gave up on me as a lost cause (I'm a centrist, mostly err liberal on social issues and slightly conservative on economic issues), and turned to my sister Cynthia. Since Cynthia is 9 and my dad doesn't really care about politics, she doesn't really know much about it. But Jane did the same thing she tried with me: brought Cynthia to protests, and brought her campaign/political slogan clothes and merch. Since she's 9, Cynthia lapped it up. She also went further, since Cynthia and my dad are both Catholic (I'm an athiest myself). My dad never forced religion on Cynthia and she was kind of drawn to it herself. Recently, Jane has been telling Cynthia her religion is false, how atheism is obvious, etc. I don't really like Jane forcing her views onto Cynthia, so I told Jane so, but she got mad and said she was 'just teaching morals'. I think that's bullshit. Morals are stuff like 'don't be mean to other people', not 'here's what politics you support and what religion you should be'.
Am I in the wrong here? Or is she?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
H3UpsletT98Segx219xZfIJ1kUr5qWvm
|
b5bc5u
|
{
"description": "getting too flirty",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting too flirty
|
Background to this tale:
Both myself and my girlfriend are bisexual and in our mid twenties and we've been dating four four months. Her last relationship wasn't great as she was with a manipulative serial cheater.
So I've always pushed for transparency in our relationship, and have told her several times that I don't care if she flirts with women, so when a guy that we both know gets flirty with me I naturally flirted back but gave her pretty much a live feed of the flirting.
To this she responded with teasing like "he's adorable, do you have a cruuuuush on him?" I was like "yeah, I guess a little one."
So as the night goes on and the flirting gets more intense, but I'm always careful to say that everything is "if I get my girlfriends permission" to him.
So long story short she has work early, I'm not tired, so she goes to bed, and Im up and trying to find a way to not be so awake. So having been flirted with all night coupled with the knowledge that sexual relief always makes me sleepy, I decide to get one out and go to sleep.
She then decides to check on me and gets incredibly upset, saying she views that as cheating, and that she wasn't comfortable with the fact that I was flirting with him despite being playful and teasing me about it earlier.
It's also relevant to note that she and I did the whole flirting both self-touching song and dance in not one but two of her previous relationships.
So Reddit, am I the asshole here or is her anxiety from her last relationship making her unreasonable?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
G9vYjscOT36I70MSGqt2HyTeDD2Xt8nv
|
b04io3
|
{
"description": "distancing myself from dad because he chews with his mouth open",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for distancing myself (16M) from dad because he chews with his mouth open?
|
Recently (about a year now), I realized he chews with his mouth open very noisily. It got on my nerves and at dinner, my mom noticed me stressed out and tells my dad to close his mouth, which he does. This happens almost every dinner now, where he just ends up saying, "sorry i wasn't thinking". Even after he's done eating, he makes this smacking sound like he's relishing the taste, similar to this [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLP9mbCuhJc), but much slower. My mom, sis, and I have expressed our disgust at his table manner, yet it never changes.
What really ticked me off though was a week ago. Again, he's chewing with his mouth open, and when my mom tells him to close it, he retorts saying, "how do you expect me to eat food, melting it"?! From then on, I started eating in my room much to my mom's protest, saying it's still the few times we get to be together as family.
AITA for wanting to stay away? I know the saying "you can't teach old dogs new tricks" and it's a hard habit to change, and the fact that he does manual labor and comes home tired doesn't help, but I still despise it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
HtjOpW4v6pDJGjnSVXK5L4pcGbjxyMIm
|
asyath
|
{
"description": "not caring about my incredibly ill father",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not caring about my incredibly ill father?
|
Heyo. So a long time ago, my parents divorced. I got to go with mom, while my dad didnt even get visitation after failing to appear in court. Dad never phoned, Dad never sent gifts, and even though I moved around a lot with mom, I kept in touch with Dad's side of the family and he still never made any effort to talk.
Fast forward to me in my late teens, I finally talk to him in a tearful "reunion". He's sick with diabetes and he's slowly losing his eyesight. Our talk is short lived as he immediately starts talking trash on my mother's side of the family. I decide to not spend much more time with him.
Fast forward to me being a young adult, 23-ish, and I've completely grown to resent him. He's sick and dying a slow death, completely blind and having to do at home dyalisis.
I was struggling with finding a job and unfortunately hit my safety net, being forced to live with my dad's side of the family. Now I'm expected to help care for a man who never made an effort to look like he cared for me. He jokes about how I'm respectable because I'm not a "flamboyant gay", I'm just a "regular gay".
Normally, I'd call this cut and dry, but, my dad's side of the family still obviously cares for him, especially my Grandfather. I understand the prospect of outliving your offspring is heartbreaking... but when my grandfather asks me to think of my dad, I feel too hurt by his absence in my childhood to even consider it.
I'll help do a thing for my Dad occasionally, like driving around and being an errand runner, but I make sure I air my disdain for it every time. I know for a fact that I can get very petty about this. My grandpa chides me for not keeping an open heart, but I feel like I've already tried to open up once and all my Dad did was starting spitting venom.
It's gotten to the point where I'll openly mock my Dad to his face, and my last contact with him I called him a shitbag and told him he's a useless deadbeat who is getting his karmic justice. He called me smelly.
My grandpa is hurt that my Dad and I cannot get along anymore, but it was my belief that we never really got along at any point in our lives.
So I'm mostly worried about my grandpa in regards to this question, but, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
iYREA1CL5mtw5QhslgjlecIkV7ZREM07
|
ayzpbq
|
{
"description": "wanting peace",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting peace?
|
My house is basically testosterone central, and I’m the only person not ruled by it.
Ever since our oldest son started puberty 3-4 years ago, every minor misbehavior has been blown completely out of proportion by my husband. He also can’t have just get after the child, punish him, and move on....he needles and provokes by repeating himself when commenting about what the child did wrong. It almost seems like he’s trying to get a child, that is ruled by his hormones, to attempt something physical. He also likes to try to “have conversations” about the misbehavior without me...if I’m not home, fine, but we’re supposed to be a team at this parenting thing.
The child is not innocent by any means, he has a severe lack of impulse control and is quick with his emotions. He has all of they typical teenage boy angst, and likes to think he’s intimidating and/or tough, and will raise his voice and attempt to get in your face if you call him out.
Tonight, it was a charging cord. Husband says kid traded out the good one for his broken one, child denies this happened. Child says he didn’t, husband gets loud (not quite yelling, but definitely raised voice) accusing child. Child continues to deny, husband threatens to take away and/or destroy his electronics. Child gets defensive and loud in return. I yell at them to knock it off.
Husband comes back downstairs and sits down, telling me his side of the story, and getting short with me because I told him he was over reacting. So I call the child to the living room and ask his side. He gets defensive and is glaring at his dad the whole time.
I snap. I’m tired of the almost daily pissing contest. This is the second time this week that I’ve snapped. Tuesday found me screaming at both of them because the child lied about something and the husband blew it out of proportion. Tonight the stupid charging cord...I informed them both that the bull needed to stop, and that I was tired of the testosterone fueled stupidity. The final words of my speech were “you two need to quit fighting for alpha position, this is not a ‘whose dick is bigger’ contest. If Tuesday’s little ‘discussion’ wasn’t clear, I’M THE FUCKING ALPHA AND I HAVE THE BIGGEST DICK! CONTEST FUCKING OVER!”
Now my husband isn’t speaking to me...he didn’t say a word to me in the three hours between my snap and going to bed. Didn’t even have our youngest tell me good night before he took him up to bed. I assume I bruised his ego, but my mental health is hanging by a very frayed thread.
Am I the asshole for calling them out on their shit?
TL;DR- Husband and teenage son fight over stupid shit because husband takes everything too far. I snapped and yelled that I was the alpha with the biggest dick, and that they needed to stop being assholes. Now husband isn’t speaking to me.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting to help do the mystery dishes",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help do the mystery dishes
|
First time posting here so sorry if the flow is a bit awkward.
There has been a pile up of dishes in my apartment's kitchen for about the past week. I know nothing in the sink (except some of the silverware) is mine on account of me being sick all last week and eating exclusively in my room. I had been leaving the dishes in my room until I got together the energy to wash them and would do so.
Earlier today, one of my roommates came and asked me if I could help out and do a chunk of the dishes because supposedly the other people in the house have (sink still looks just as full as it has all week). I told him no and that any dishes that are mine are either currently in my room and that I would do them when I had more time tomorrow.
This led into an argument where he said that everyone has been saying the same thing, that none of the dishes are theirs, and that it's probably a combination of all of us forgetting/any dishes our guests end up making.
Me: Explained what I said above and how I knew without a doubt that the only things were mine were in my room and that I haven't had any guests over since this started so that didn't really apply to me.
Him: Even if that is true, which not everyone can be right about the dishes not being theirs, you should just do your fair share of it to help keep the house clean.
Me: I've done my part to try and clean the house before. I gave example of last month when I cleaned the entire kitchen (dishes,counters,floors, stove, oven, cupboards, etc) and no one else really helped, even when I asked, and the kitchen was a mess again within a week so why should I do dishes now that I know aren't mine.
Him: That was month ago, everyone else is doing their share now and you're not.
Things fizzled out here cause neither of us really had anything new to say so I just went to my room to do homework.
​
I feel bad about the situation and I don't like to keep bad feelings between the roomies but I feel like I'm in the right... AITA?
​
​
​
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "bugging my boyfriend to go to the movies when he doesn't want too",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for bugging my boyfriend to go to the movies when he doesn't want too?
|
I (29/F) have been with my BF (45/M) for 7 years. For the first few years of our relationship we spent a lot of time hanging around the house (watching TV, ordering in take out food, having drinks etc) and also did a lot of outdoor activity together (camping, hiking, fishing, going for drives, snowshoeing etc).
Over time I started to want to go out and do more social things (like concerts, festivals/fairs, going out for dinner, movies etc) but he was totally uninterested.
I have spent years continuing to do outdoor activity and hanging around the house with him and I go to the movies, out to restaurants, to concerts/fairs/festivals, to the beach etc with family and friends instead. It seems to work for us but sometimes I do wish he was there to experience things with me.
In our entire 7 years together the only thing I can think of that we have ever done socially was ONCE we went out for breakfast in the very beginning of our relationship and ONCE we went to the movies 4 years ago (I begged him to go and he didn't enjoy himself).
We live in a small town that gets bad winter weather with not much to do. My bf just got 3 weeks off of work and we have just been sitting around the house - Im starting to get bored. Our little town also just got its very own movie theatre! I really want to go and am really pressuring him and begging him to go but he doesn't want too.
My constant nagging to go to the movies is starting to piss him off but I am starting to feel pissed off myself. I told him we could go to a daytime show during the week so that it is bound to be quiet. On one hand I feel he is being unreasonbly stubborn and on the other hand I feel like maybe I am being an asshole for pressuring him into doing something he doesn't want to do.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
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|
{
"description": "not returning the favor",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA if I don’t return the favor?
|
Back in 2017, one of my friends had an extra ticket to the musical Hamilton that her dad bought. She invited me and she said sure and I asked her if I should pay her back but she said it wasn’t a big deal. I thanked her relentlessly because this was huge for me since I loved the musical and couldn’t afford to go.
Fast forward to today, I have an extra ticket to see a Not so popular music artist. All of my friends bailed on me so I just posted on my Snapchat if anyone wanted to go. One of my other friends said she was wanted to but she still had to ask her parents. Then, the friend who took me to Hamilton asked. I feel like it’s only fair to give it to the person who responded first and I told her that someone already asked but if her parents said no that she could go. And then she said “just remember who took you to Hamilton”
While I feel like I should return the favor of taking her to a show, I feel like it wouldn’t be fair to my other friend who responded first. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "being upset with my roommate",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being upset with my roommate?
|
Me and my roommate have had our issues in the past with her health, but she seems to be doing a lot better and I’m happy for her.
We live in a college dorm together and had made plans to live together next year. Expect, last night I got an email from housing saying she removed me as her roommate. I was devastated, but thought oh maybe it was an accident. When I asked her why she just said “I don’t think we should live together next year.”
Now I’m out a roommate and I feel horrible. I feel like it’s all my fault and that I’m a bitch. One of the reasons I think she doesn’t want to live with me is because she was trying to figure out if a person could swim through cheese. I told her no and tried to go back to studying. However she wouldn’t be quiet, then brought our other friend over to talk about it. I did get angry telling her that this was stupid, her logic didn’t make sense, she won’t figure it out and to stop since I was trying to study.
All I keep thinking about is all the shitty things I could have done, I’m a blunt person and I don’t put up with bullshit or slacking. I don’t know I feel like the asshole so I probably am.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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|
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|
{
"description": "feeling tense about the fact that me and my boyfriend haven't spent quality time lately",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for feeling tense about the fact that me and my boyfriend haven’t spent quality time lately?
|
Lately me and my boyfriend haven’t gotten to see each other at all. I work at a coffee shop and his college is within walking distance, so the most I see of him a lot of days is when he decides to visit for an hour or two. Of course, I’m working, so we can’t do much besides talk on my 10 minute break. He has finals this time of year, I work fulltime, and have small school things at a community college. I know we’re both busy, but I’m beginning to feel tension just on my end.
It’s making me resent our roommates too. We both have 3 roommates, which makes it impossible to talk or do anything alone. Let alone be intimate. It feels like we never have sex anymore. I’m tired of feeling like I have to entertain both his and my roommates or tiptoe around them instead of actually enjoying time with my significant other.
I feel distant and I don’t know if I’m being irrational. I’ve told him I feel this way and he says it “makes him sad”. I don’t mean to make him sad but at the same time I need to feel like a priority and that dates with me matter. It was our one year anniversary last week and we didn’t do anything for it. I saw him when he came into my work, that’s it. It’s making me feel like distancing myself, but I still love him.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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|
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|
{
"description": "not wanting to drive to my brothers place to hang out",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to drive to my brothers place to hang out?
|
My brother Jason(24) lives with me(17) and hangs out with our brother James(32) occassionally. We both have cars but Jason leaves without me knowing I want to go as well but tells me to drive seperately. He has no reason for this, he just wants me to drive seperately. I don't want to drive seperately because why use the gas when we can go to the same place, with the same purpose and leave together? I've been feeling unsure whether this is an issue with me and i'm unable to see my fault, so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
ayvr3q
|
{
"description": "not letting a person go in front of me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting a person go in front of me
|
Today I went to a department store to make a return. There were two lines one for returns one for on line pickup. There were several people in the return line, me included, with only one person working in Customer Service. There was no one in the online pick up line. After waiting 20 minutes I was next and a woman came into the online pickup queue. The cashier called the online pickup lady next. AITA for stepping up and saying I had waited in line and was next and not letting her go ahead of me? My return took all of two minutes.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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aq23o5
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{
"description": "not cleaning my room properly",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not cleaning my room properly?
|
Hi. I know that this may seem like a post fishing for likes, but I'm genuinely unsure who is in the wrong here and I'd like to get other people's opinions.
My mother and I don't have the most stable relationship; it's been getting better over the years but she's still more of a child than I am which makes everything very difficult. As I've gotten older I've gotten more independent in some areas, and less in others, but I used to assume that mother knew best in everything, and, because of this, I have difficulty knowing whether or not I'm in the wrong when it comes to her, or anyone in general.
Now, with that out of the way, I didn't clean my room properly. I am going to do it again, obviously, to clean it properly, but my mother is being spiteful and is angry at me for everything, for no reason. I have been struggling in school for a while, and I finally found a teacher that I like. She's a lot like me, very helpful, kind, and I'm happy to finally have a teacher that I can get along with. After a 30 minute phone call (I do long distance education), I told this to my mother.
Her response was that of dismissive anger. She asked me what the teacher did for me to make me like her, since I can apparently only like people if they do something for me. I was angry about this, but bit my tongue, and decided to walk off after giving her what she wanted. She then proceeded to tell me that she was not impressed with me, not giving me a reason, and refused to continue conversation after that. I told her I was disappointed with the way she handled it, to which she responded "I really don't care."
Now, obviously, I'm probably not the asshole here, but am I in the wrong? I didn't clean my room properly, but is that really justifiable for this kind of treatment?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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9zvrgd
| null |
AITA In this Roommate Disagreement?
|
**Set-Up and Dynamics**
Well, it’s been a semester. So my housing is unique. I am a freshman/junior (came in with AA), who lives in campus housing with a freshman and a senior. All three of us have specialized housing as a part of a local program. We all qualified, as all three of us have a form of autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Our housing is not too shabby. We live in one of the newest buildings on campus. This campus has rooms set up like this: All three of us (normally four but there isn’t enough ASD girls in our program) share a long hallway. On each end of the hallway is a bathroom we share with the closest room to it. (A & B share one bathroom and C & D share a bathroom). I am in A, the freshman roommate I’m having issues with lives in B, and the senior roommate I live with lives in C. We’ll refer to them by they’re room letters for now on.
C and I get along great. C is the same major as me so we bonded over that, occasionally going to lunch together and I helped her find a tutor once. C plays loud music and likes dancing in her room. Sometimes I ask her to tune it down just a bit and she’s respectful of it. Never had a problem aside from that, C is cool. It’s funny, my original academic advisor said I probably wouldn’t be good friends with C.
B and I don’t get along. It’s a shame, she reminds me of someone I once mentored and she reminds me a lot of myself. I tried to be her friend at the beginning of the semester, asking if she’d like to come to the university gardens, campus events, or have lunch. After being rejected every time, I stopped. It’s clear she didn’t want to go out and I can respect that. I too had pretty severe social anxiety stemming from my ASD, so I get she’s just not there. I leave her be. A lot of people call her a ‘hermit’ which I have mixed feelings about.
**Prior**
All three of us have signed a roommate agreement as requirement for living in our dorms. I clean the floors every week, mop them every month, and perform miscellaneous task like cleaning toilets, cleaning mold from the shower, and picking up or fixing anything where there’s an issue. B is in charge of cleaning our four glass mirrors (two in each bathroom) and taking out the trash bins (in each bathroom). C, being a senior and having motor issues, wipes down the three countertops in the hallway. Cleaning of our own rooms and such is left at our own discrecion. We all agreed we wanted the shared space “clean” but not spotless.
Of the three of us I am the most social. I have about four friends and a significant other. So practically, I’m the only one who ever has guest over. The only guest consistently over is my s/o, the others have only come once or twice during the daytime. So when it came to agreements about how long members of the opposite sex can stay over and whether we should let eachother know when s/o’s are coming over, I let them talk. They said they needed zero notice and to make sure they leave “at a reasonable hour”. Considering a lot of curfews end at midnight, I generally believed that before this is what’s considered a reasonable hour. My boyfriend takes night classes and works during the day, so unfortunately I only get to see him kinda late in the night. Generally beginning at 8:30 and he tends to leave 10:00 or 11:00 at max.
I’m a gamer. I have a decent PC build and am a student athlete for one of our esports teams. My job is shot caller, so when I play the specific game for esports, I have to talk. I tend to talk in a monotone but happy voice. I’m often described as a flight attendant. Considering I have to speak for matches on end, I can’t afford to scream or yell. My voice is generally speaking level for a typical person when playing the game, as my normal voice is soft.
**Inciting Incident**
Two or three weeks ago the leader (L) of our program offhandedly mentioned that B had been complaining about C and I making too much noise. I felt bad, I don’t want B to be frustrated or irritated in our dorm. I know it’s hard for B to speak up. I thought being proactive was the best way to go because I didn’t want B to suffer in silence. So I had been brainstorming solutions on how to fix it. I had already modified myself pretty significantly before but with mixed signals.
I’m living on my own for the first time and a night owl. So as with any first year college student, my sleep is a wreck. I am often up during the day or late working on assignments. Weeks went by where the only time I got to game was during my esports practice. The most egregious incidents where on three separate non-consecutive occasions I had stayed up practicing the game. I was careful to keep my voice down, but it probably slipped to that typical level a few times. I guess that’s where the majority of complaints came from. So I toned it down, trying to play single player games if it’s past 12-1 o’clock or ones where I don’t have to talk. Occasionally I heat up food with the microwave in my room, but I always set it to have 1 extra second so the timer doesn’t go off. I try to be courteous since I know it’s probably irritating to have a roomate up at that time. I don’t leave my room unless I absolutely have to (such as for shower or to use the restroom) if it is past 12:30. Considering my roommate and I agreed she’d get shower for all of 8, it takes an hour for hot water to come back full, so I shower at 10. This is why I sometimes have to leave later than typical for shower, especially if my boyfriend is with me before.
B had been starting to get on my nerves for a while now. She’s generally quiet, but doesn’t abide by our roommate for cleaning duties. She’s completely her duties in their entirety only once. She usually only does trash and even neglects that sometimes. It’s irritating I have to spend extra time cleaning, especially since I cleaned our dorm alone for the entire first month. It’s a minor complaint so I’d mention it to my executive function councilor once or twice but it’s not a big enough issue to warrant more than a sticky note reminding her to clean.
Anyways, back to brainstorming. So aside from some behavioral adjustments like I listed above, I didn’t really know what else to do. I remember reading about a Gorilla at Rotterdam Zoo once who would become upset if humans looked it in the eye, which inspired me for the next solution. A redditor once said that it would be easier to modify the structure of the gorillas exhibit than a behavioral change. So I rolled with that.I thought maybe moving B to the empty room D would be the equivalent of this structural change. C could chose whether or not she’d move to B or stay in C. I emailed L, asking if it was a fair idea and if so that if I should go ahead and ask housing if it was even possible. From there I would have had a meeting with the roomates to ask whether or not they’d like to try it.
**The Response**
L, bless their heart, ruined everything and has made these past two weeks hell for me. L had (without me knowing) received a very frustrating phone call before she went to read my email about the solution. She instead referred it to her second in command (M) to take care of. L also said some blatantly untrue and exaggerated statements of behaviors in this situation for M to address. I honestly don’t know where they came from, whether L heard them from B’s councilors or B’s parents.
M went on a bloodbath email. M specified absurd claims:
* “A’s guests playing games late into the night at loud volumes” (I only own a PC, can’t play games w/ people in person)”
* “B can’t sleep because A has company over at 2:00am and is constantly loud, that’s unfair and obnoxious”
* “the cleaning schedule includes things that may be considered either inappropriate or unfair. According to B, individuals are responsible for cleaning up regardless of who caused the mess.”. M told me later in a private meeting he also thought this meant cleaning dishes and cleaning each others rooms. None of us use silverware or flatware (all plastic for convenience) and none of us have ever entered each others rooms without the other being there.
M stated they “will not be calling out specific individuals or who said what in order to keep things civil” then proceeded to only mention me by name. The instances of where I put A and B in the above bullets were from the obvious deduction of who raised the concerns against who. I double checked to make sure it wasn’t C before being certain, she stated she’s never had any problems from either of us roommates. The most egregious and upsetting part of M’s email was when he referred to “according to various sources and observations, conflicts are being “mediated” by A. What the mediations apparently boil down to is A telling everyone what needs to be done and who is responsible for doing it. This has been interpreted as bossy, aggressive, intimidating, and dominating.” I was deeply hurt by the personal insults.
I was told by my original councilor how hard it was for my roomates to speak up. During our roommate agreement, 20-30 seconds of pure silence would pass until I’d end it by speaking up. I feel I’ve awarded every fair opportunity for my roomates to speak in person. If they don’t want to do that, we all each have each others personal numbers to communicate through text. I’ve used this system a few times, telling them about how one week I couldn’t clean because I went home sick, one time when my grandmother was coming on Saturday (both go home for the weekend but I thought I should let them know just incase), and once or twice to ask if they wanted any of the croissants my boyfriend regularly brings me. I’ve tried my hardest to make sure there’s a platform for them, but when shit hits the fan I tend to get things done. When no ones done chores by Friday, I’ll do them all. When nothing gets done, the burden
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
|
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|
{
"description": "being upset I found these messages between my partner and their ex about talking next week on the phone? she said she misses him and he agreed to talk to her. he used to shit talk me to her. he hasn't told me about these messages",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being upset I found these messages between my partner and their ex about talking next week on the phone? She said she misses him and he agreed to talk to her. He used to shit talk me to her. He hasn’t told me about these messages.
|
https://imgur.com/a/UKvf6QK
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
afnyrc
|
{
"description": "arguing with my girlfriend alot because she isn't romantic",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA I argue with my girlfriend alot because she isn't romantic.
|
Ok, the title might seem a bit odd, but I couldn't phrase it any other way.
*For context, we are both females*
My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year, and I really love her. I am infatuated with her, she is my everything. I don't think that I am that way to her, though. I tell her alot about how I think she is beautiful, how I love her, all that relationship stuff, but she is alot different. She kinda treats me like a mutual aquaintance, and by that I mean she doesn't tell me she loves me unless I say it first. I get it if you don't like flirting, I don't either, but I don't think you need to be super flirtatious to tell someone that you love them and care about them. Back in July 2018, we got into a heated argument because I asked her if she could atleast try to be more loving to me. She told me that she couldn't because of 3 reasons:
-she's just not a romantic person
-her zodiac sign doesn't allow it
-she's not able to because she's too awkward.
After that, we would fight about it alot. I would tell her that it felt like she didn't love me, and she would say, "I do, But I'm just am too awkward". One day, I got really deppressed about it and broke up with her because I felt like she was leading me on. About a week later we got back together because I didn't feel complete without her.
After that, she got really weird about it.
Somewhere in December, she told me she was asexual, and I was okay with it (being asexual myself). After she told me this, she started using it as an exuse as to why she wouldn't be romantic. Now we've gotten to this point. She has somehow friendzoned me even though we are in a romantic relationship. She posts on her instagram about her celebrity crushes and stuff, and I wouldn't mind that if it weren't for the fact where she clearly stated many times on her instagram that she wants to marry these celebrities, and is pretty much in love with them. I feel really alone in this relationship, like she really could care less about me. I've tried everything and have done everything I could to express that I love her (even though I naturally am a very silent, introverted person).
Am I asking too much from her, or is she doing something wrong?
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
XnVTsEaTTCkPUAk1ZHS82M9TvWDIBdvF
|
aowftr
|
{
"description": "thinking my fiance isn't entitled to any of my tax return",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for thinking my fiance isn't entitled to any of my tax return?
|
My fiance and I live together with her two children from a previous marriage. I bought a house for us to live in. I get an extra bit of tax return because I get to claim the interest on the house. She pays roughly 70 percent of what I pay towards the mortgage meaning she pays less than I do. I calculated this based off our incomes. I bought this house. I paid the down payment. I paid for all the inspection costs, tests, etc when I bought the house. The house is in my name. I am taking all the financial risks. When something breaks, I fix it and I pay for it. I pay for over half the bills and I pay half for groceries. Keep in mind that I am one of four people living in this house. I don't mind the arrangement, but when it comes to tax time she seems to think that it's unfair that I get to claim the interest on the house on my taxes and get a little extra in my refund. My perspective is that I took the financial risk. She is paying 900 a month for 3 bedrooms in a 3000 squarefoot house that is only 10 years old. An apartment would cost her at least 1500 and it would probably be shitty. When we rented together I didn't ask for some of her tax refund because she gets to claim two children as dependents. Because I don't think I'm entitled to it even though I'm really paying half of what she pays to have them. Half the bills, half the groceries, I pick up the check all the time when we go out. Now you might be thinking what about clothing for the kids? Health insurance? all that! Well her ex pays for all of that. My perspective is that I have been paying 25 percent in taxes for years because I don't have kids and I didn't get married. Now I'm getting a little more back and I'm the one taking all the risk and she isn't entitled to it. She isn't the home owner. She can walk away anytime and leave me with the mortgage. I have also told her that in the event things don't work out between us I will sell the house after we both locate new places and that I would be willing to split any profits with her after I get my down payment back and all the money I spent on materials building the deck and fixing random stuff. I also explained that there wont be profits after realtor fees, closing costs, etc. So am I the asshole for thinking she isn't entitled to any of my tax refund? I pay for half her kids shit and the kids are only at her exes every other weekend and I'm not getting to claim any dependents and I don't think I should get to. It just seems like a logical argument to me. If you get half of my deposit because of X do I get half of yours then because of Y?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
jrk7lSHIFsqCAQ8X6CNFbsF36QxeVlvx
|
arhwf6
|
{
"description": "thinking my bf is addicted to porn",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for thinking my bf is addicted to porn?
|
Obviously like really all men do, I (22F) know my bf (22) watches porn. One time, maybe about a year ago; I found a list of his favorite pornstars when he was scrolling through notes on his phone and he pretended he didn't know what it was but I knew the names sounded like they were not real people, and ever since it's just always been in the back of my mind. I found a playlist of his favorite videos once and I'm mad at myself for even trying to find that but I can't get it out of my head.. like does he always think about that when we have sex, or what? Our relationship is really great and we've been dating for a little over 2 years. I love him and I know he loves me-- but the porn thing is always at the back of my mind and I don't want to bring it up because he would think I am snooping, but in reality it does bug me-- especially when thinking of our intimacy. AITA for overthinking this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
anVCPenL7VarY3KnfinRAjbbUqSmdu9u
|
b41kyp
|
{
"description": "giving my father attitude/being upset with him",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for giving my father attitude/being upset with him.
|
So I've never really gotten along with my father, although I do try but he has attitude problems sometimes, or at least it seems like it. So for context this will sound like normal teen age behavior but as an example My father will come into my room without warning and tell me that he needs my help for a little bit, I respond okay slightly aggravated. Now I don't mind helping him I love my dad it's just that he never gives me any warning before hand, something like saying that he'll need my help later in the day, he just says I need your help. The only thing is you expect it to be something little like 10 minutes to help him sure easy not a problem. But what happens is every time it turns into hours helping him. Like I said I don't mind helping him but im a senior in high school so I have stuff I need to do to but by the time I get done helping him the time I set aside to do my work is gone so I get upset. So even if im doing something on my computer for work or maybe I might even have company over he'll still have me help him regardless witch is why I get upset, Or other times he might get mad at something unrelated and take it out on me or someone else vocally. To my father's side he argues that he has to beg me when ever he need my help with something, or that I never do anything to help him, the reason he uses the word beg is because of the way ill respond witch might just be an aggrivated ok or scoff. Him being upset over attitude I can understand but when ever he asks for help I may get upset and give him a little attitude but I've always helped him.That's about it sorry for the rant and possible spelling errors on mobile and first time posting to this thread. So AITA for being upset with my father or Is my father for not controlling his temper? I'd be happy to answer any questions on the topic for context if needed.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kWk0pKdIbjlSdNp5eEtOANcyKKu4WiQw
|
an9r1y
|
{
"description": "not answering my phone to my mom during a sleepover",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
Aita For not answering my phone to my mom during a sleepover
|
3 months ago I was going to a sleepover with my friend when my mom told me to call her when I got there. I forget though so she called my friend's mom who told her I was there. I assumed that I wouldn't have to call after that and then I got a text from her saying I better call her.
Me and my friend figured it was just an old text to help remind me ( which it wasn't ) and I didn't think to much on it.
The next morning I woke up and realized it was past the time for me to go home and when I got to the driveway carrying my sleeping bag breathing heavily and shaking in panic my sister was there with a taxi to pick me up. That's when it all goes down hill because as soon as I came in my mom was foaming at the mouth telling me how I disrespected her and how I was a b#$@ f{`. Cu;3 ( many swears later ) pice of horse $hi# and I should be living with my drunk dad and end up like a bum. Many middle fingers later she finally calmed down... In a hospital... Because her blood pressure was 210. But she lived and didn't send me away based on pure luck. So who is the a hole in this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
IxZGv2rIq5WYAItez1KSNMsxOj7qEZW5
|
alyiwk
|
{
"description": "ghosting someone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ghosting someone?
|
Throwaway account because even though I blocked him on Reddit, he can still view my post.
This started about 4 days ago when I made an on r/MakeNewFriendsHere in attempt to, ya know, make new friends. About 20 minutes after making the said post about 4 people PMed me. After a few minutes of talking to people, it narrowed down to two people. I'll refer to them as Girl and Boy.
Girl was really shy, and the conversation was really slow. We had nothing in common and stopped talking after about a days.
Boy and I were having an okay conversation so we continued talking. I don't really know how PM's work so we switched to discord. After an hour of texting, Boy asks me if we can exchange photos (of our faces).
I got really nervous and didn't like that idea. For past friends I have made, I didn't show my face until after several months of talking, and he wanted it in the first day of talking? I took about two minutes to answer with a measly "Uh". Boy understood and we moved onto a different topic.
At this point I was second guessing if I was okay with making online friends through Reddit (or even at all), I was getting really anxious and I should have stopped there. I didn't, and we talked the next day, and he again asked for a photo. I was hesitant, but I said yes and gave Boy my Instagram.
It is private, so I allow Boy to follow me, and then shortly after removing him as a follower. He doesn't respond for 6 minutes, so I started freaking out thinking Boy was talking screenshots (doubt it). Boy then sends me a picture of himself, and I make up a weak excuse to go offline and end the conversation.
​
I then block him on everything that I had contact with him on it and changed my username for almost everything (profile pictures as well). I feel bad, and think I was over exaggerating. I shouldn't be on that sub if I am just going to ghost people. I feel like an asshole, and I'm getting off that sub.
​
So am I the asshole, or was I staying safe?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
4yvIUDcK31yQY7oGevnyf4ZU08WMsja7
|
awg78g
|
{
"description": "seeing other people",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for seeing other people?
|
(Throwaway for privacy purposes)
Last semester, I was having a rough time emotionally, mainly due to stress and sleep deprivation. Towards the end of the semester, I started making some really strange and irrational decisions that I can’t really explain looking back. The biggest of these was confessing to my friend Heather that I have feelings for her. I do genuinely like Heather and get along with her really well, and I am attracted to her, but I overinflated the degree of attraction quite a bit in hindsight. She was flattered, and admitted having feelings for me too, but suggested we not pursue anything since she was going to study abroad the next semester. I agreed with her, and things seemed to fade out amicably. Since we’re both part of the same tight group of friends, we kept this a secret from most of our friends in an attempt to avoid making things awkward.
Now, this semester, she’s abroad. We made an effort to keep in touch towards the beginning of the semester, but I sleep odd hours, so I generally go to sleep when she wakes up, and get out of classes towards the end of her day. Over time, we stopped talking all that much.
Separately, my emotional state sort of stabilized, and I decided I wanted to start dating again. I’ve been on several dates with different people at school, and I’ve been having a great time about it. Initially, I tried to hide these dates from my friends as well, since I generally value privacy and didn’t want everyone to know. However, I did eventually let it slip to some of my friends that I was seeing a new person, Casey. I didn’t think much of this at the time.
I heard recently that Heather had been crying a lot abroad, and the friends she’s abroad with haven’t been talking to me as much. I realized that maybe she found out I was seeing other people and felt like I’d ghosted her or cut her out. We were never officially together, and specifically decided not to date, but I’m afraid she might still feel like I’m betraying her in some way. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
d5X2l3fwHqYMW6uwAaEKWGIJVoUTwgD7
|
au9qia
|
{
"description": "yelling at my mom to stop blaming my brother for our lost dog",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for yelling at my mom to stop blaming my brother for our lost dog?
|
So for some background information: I have a dog, a short haired german pointer. He's the sweetest, but kind of hyperactive around other dogs. And that plus being really really strong doesn't make my life easy. Our family loves him so much, he s part of it. Especially my mom who spends most of the time with him because we re busy with school, uni or work.
Anyway, two days ago my brother wanted to go for a walk with him but somehow lost his collar and couldn't attach the leash to anything. He also somehow improvised and before he left me and my mom told him hundreds of times that he will break it or run if he'll see other dogs.
Of course, because of his stubbornness, he decided to ignore us.
After one hour he came back desperate, balling his eyes out. We couldn't understand a word because he was crying and screaming at the same time. Told us that our dog run away and because he's black and fast, my brother couldn't keep up or see him.
Me and my dad went to search for him, while my brother and my mom called our neighbors to see if he stopped at their house (they re very friendly and kind to him).
Couldn't find him so we came back home just to see my mom screaming at my brother. After maybe 10 min of screaming, I got sick of it and told her to stop. Nothing. Again, nothing. I started yelling at her because she was about to hit him and say the same shit over and over again, hurting her lungs at how loud she was.
I never yell at my mom, never. She was shocked, honestly I think she gave me a murderous look after she left. But when a person loves a dog as much you do, the worst thing you can do is to blame them. Believe me, he did fucking hate himself after that.
But my doggo came back, with some rope around his neck, a sign that someone tried to take him. Sorry, not with this bull. My mom is really mad at me but I don't feel the need to apologize.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 14,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
8ZQ8vqhoaJR5bM1xkzUxI8B1ba3YOJkE
|
b6n7t7
|
{
"description": "asking out the girl both me and my best friend are interested in",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I ask out the girl both me and my best friend are interested in?
|
My best friend and I are both interested in my coworker. He has already told me that he intends to ask her out. So would I be the asshole if I ask her out as well?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
ozCmrsLR34xxCMdXJGxwMCEiLVATRbUv
|
aey52h
|
{
"description": "not writing a thank you note right away",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA if I don't write a thank you note right away?
|
I am a high school senior who has just completed the college application progress. My English teacher has given us guidelines for "how to write a thank you note" for our teachers who have given us letters of recommendation, and given us class time to write these notes. I have already thanked all of the people who have given me help verbally, and I feel that I would personally like to wait until after I get accepted into schools to write them a note, as I feel that would be more personal. I feel that if I were to write a note right now, it would be just like everyone else in my class, and also it wouldn't mean much, as the teachers who wrote the letters of recommendation would be getting many of these "thank yous".
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
bq1Q27UGjqq2xWAB1NOL1f5RbrQLMlFQ
|
an929l
|
{
"description": "blowing up on a friend while I was in a bad mood",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for blowing up on a friend while i was in a bad mood?
|
To preface, this friend and I have dated and we are no longer together. Lately we've been considering getting back together but I keep backing out because I don't want to get hurt again.
So today, I had one of those really bad days where you just go home, shove a pillow in your face, and cry. I talked to my mom briefly about it and decided to just cry the rest out. This friend of mine had been sending me multiple messages to get my attention since I wasn't responding. I said "I'm just not good rn". Obviously, this is ambiguous and my friend was very right for asking what was wrong. But I told him that I already talked about it with someone, I don't feel like talking, and I'll tell him later. He kept pushing and saying to tell him what's wrong and that I don't normally act like this. (obviously, I don't normally have really shitty days).
I kept politely declining for some time (I just counted 9 times I declined without being insulting but the last few had some attitude). This is when I finally was just do stressed and upset I couldn't take him spamming me over and over asking after I told him no. So I swore at him, asked if he could read, said he's an idiot, told him to fuck off, telling him that we'll talk later but if he keeps being pushy I'll block him (I did on one app because he kept calling and asking on that one too), that he's genuinely annoying me by asking repeatedly, telling him that he's driving me crazy, and saying that the only way I can get it through to him is apparently by being rude. (This is everything I said, I went back and checked each message).
Now, he's saying that I was being rude because he cares for me and was worried, but I did say I would tell him later just not at that moment.
So, am I the asshole for blowing up on him while he was worried about me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
RhUc41wWINGmtOEx1rGh2cmga8DsHEhA
|
ah71ne
|
{
"description": "not wanting my bf to hang out with a girl who cheats in school",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my bf to hang out with a girl who cheats in school
|
So, for context, me and my boyfriend are in high school, and met online. We live about an hour and a half apart from each other, and don't go to the same school. I've met many of his friends, but not this particular girl irl (lets call her Sarah).
​
Since we live fairly far away (especially for high school students + neither of us have a car), we don't get to see each other in person very often (about 2 times a month). As a result, he hangs out with his friends himself a lot, which I have zero problem with. I don't really even mind if he hangs out with a ton of girls, they're his friends and I trust him (I don't even care about him with a girl he used to like, not Sarah btw).
​
Over the past few months when we've been dating, I've heard more and more bad things about the kind of things Sarah does, and the kind of person she is. Now, I know that it isn't fair to judge someone based on a few things that I've heard from others, but I can't help but think that she's a bad influence. She drinks, she smokes weed, juuls, and my bf only ends up doing the same when she's there at a party (she brings it). She hooks up with people a lot (not relevant ik), and also smacks my bf's butt a lot in school (apparently she only does this to him too??). I've been kinda iffy about her, but whatever its his life.
​
However, a few days ago, during my bf's midterms, he told me about how she took pictures of a really long test that the teacher was going to let finish the next day in class, and sent it to him and another friend. I was kinda mad, and decided that this was the last straw, and that I really disliked Sarah, since I personally really really dislike people who cheat. I just think its really ethically wrong to do. Also, although my bf told me this is the first time she's done anything like this, usually cheaters don't start cheating with taking photos (kinda need guts to do that), so she's probably cheated like this before (just an assumption though).
​
Later, he told me that he was hanging out with some friends later in the week, which included Sarah. I was still mad, and told him that I really didn't like him hanging out with someone who's such a bad influence. He agreed that she wasn't the best person, but told me that he was still going. I didn't tell him explicitly not to go, but did make clear that I would be pretty upset if he did (its tomorrow hasn't happened yet). AITA For not wanting him to hang out with this girl?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
pzxQD4Y0FgXlgvVtVFvbKphW75v1SIH2
|
ac3ocl
|
{
"description": "calling my friend out for being rude to me for no reason",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Calling My Friend Out For Being Rude To Me For No Reason?
|
Last year, me and my best friend of a few years (who i will call James) drifted apart significantly. I wasn't particularly upset at all once I noticed; this had happened several times previously with other friends, and I understand that it is natural. A new person (who I will call Amy) joined our friend group. I introduced my friends to her -- if that is of any importance -- and James became closer to Katie (keep in mind that their are no romantic feelings between us, except that he told me he liked me in the beginning of our friendship, and asked me out. I said no. James says he has gotten over it).
Although he became closer to her than he was with me, I am now closer to her than James is. She admits this fact, and she is one to be brutally honest about those types of things, so I'm taking her word for it. Amy has (without getting too deep into it) several types of mental disorders, including anxiety and depression. She also has suffering physical health, as she has an iron deficiency and frequent knee pains despite our young age. She is constantly self-deprecating, as most of our friend group is.
James is over-protective of Amy. If she ever makes any doubtful comment about herself, James will spends minutes ranting about how she shouldn't put herself down and how wonderful she is. Sometimes he shows signs of aggression in tone of voice when he rants. IMO, it is fairly creepy, and Amy shares this sentiment. I do not know if the strong feelings James has towards Amy are romantic (though I know a relationship between them would be imps James has been unnecessarily rude and hateful towards me the past few months. He has made comments about my appearence, my personality, and other aspects of my life I am not comfortable sharing. He later claimed these remarks as jokes, but I am firm that in the context and the way he said them that they were fully intended. James knows that I am moderately insecure, and yet he still does this.
For example, our friend group has weekly get-togethers where we can hang out and just discuss things. At a recent one, another one of our friends seemed upset. All of us told her that if she wants to talk about what had made her upset, she can, but she doesn't have to. When James told her this, he said, "You can talk to all of us about anything, except [my name], because she'll just joke about it." He said this in a completely serious tone of voice, and even some of the other's (including the friend he was talking to) looked at him in awe, also surprised he said something like that. Throughout the remainder of the day, he constantly shit on me for seemingly no reason. The fact that someone who I was once very close with -- and someone who knew my insecurities in detail -- would talk about me in that way was devestating. I was upset for the rest of the week, though I tried not to show it around my friends.
Now on to the potential asshole-ry: Amy threw a party a few days after Christmas. When she invited me, I immediately asked if James was coming. She told me that he might, but he wasn't sure, and I told her that I most likely wouldn't come if James went, because of how he had been acting. My mental health had been suffering, and my self-confidence was at an all time low. She said she understood, but that she needed me to be at the party for mental support, as she is not used to having to interact with so many people. She offered to talk to James and tell him that somebody might not be coming to the party because of his behaviour in the past weeks. I accepted, as long as she didn't say my name, which I admit is a bit cowardly.
The next day, James texted the group chat and said basically that Amy had told him what she told me she would say, and that he had been talking to his therapist about how he was acting. I don't know if I believe him about that or not, based on that it doesn't really seem he's making an effort to stop, and it also seems he enjoys putting me down. I replied and said I don't have to suffer just because he didn't have his shit together, and just because we weren't best friends anymore doesn't mean he can insult me constantly.
I feel insanely guilty about this. I feel as though it wasn't my place to comment on his state of mind, and I also feel guilty for not believing him about his therapist. James never replied to my message, but several of our friends replied and said fighting would just break us apart. I agree with that statement.
In case any of you were wondering, James did end up going to the party. I went despite this fact, and we kind of ignored each other the entire time. Am I the asshole for saying the things I did? Sorry for the short novel length of the post, I had a lot of information to give.
TL;DR: My friend had been very rude to me lately, I said I wouldn't go to a party if he was there because of it, my other friend told him, he says something about his therapist and I say I don't have to suffer because he doesn't have his shit together. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
dmlnEZEEjafEr6c2gdQvKxi9pGzNsdg5
|
a4ygbs
| null |
AITA? Are we the assholes? Grandpa's birthday
|
AITA? Am I the Asshole? Are we the assholes? You all know its that annoying time of year where you spend an ungodly amount of money on buying shit nobody wants or needs but that you're socially obligated to go through with buying crappy toys that'll be forgotten in a few weeks for kids, and buckets of popcorn & home depot giftcards for adults. Two days ago my grandma texts my mom and says we forgot to get my grandpa something for his birthday back in August. My sister, dad, and I all look through our texts and find that we all texted him happy birthday. I talked with my grandma today and she said that she thought that maybe we were getting him something "bigger" for Christmas or for Father's day, but apparently we forgot that too and he "really got shafted this year". We're not perfect, we've forgot to get other people presents in the past but we're all really sure we got him something although we can't recall what exactly, probably a giftcard of some sort because that's the default gift for anyone over 15. I personally think my grandma is being rather entitled here, I don't think anyone is owed a gift just for growing another year older and we typically share things with them anyways. We gave them tons of fruit that we grew this year and I gave them quite a bit of venison with them from the deer I harvested this year which is actually rather spendy because of how much it costs to have a deer butchered and that you're limited to one deer a person here. My dad recalls they were out of town this year for my grandpa's birthday but in years past we've typically made them dinner. I'm not saying they haven't done generous things for us, they have. They gave me my first car in hs and taught me to drive since both my parents work full time, but I'm almost certain we bought him something and that if we didn't why are they just bringing it up now that we have to spend all this other money? I'd also like to point out how when my dad was in hs they treated him very strangely like making him pay rent before he could legally move out and not buying him a new bed when his old one was much too small and then proceeding to buy my aunt a new one without her having asked for it and her old one being big enough for her.
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WRONG
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aq7nz2
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{
"description": "lying about my sexual history to girls",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
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AITA for lying about my sexual history to girls?
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I (20M) am at university. Started last September. For some reason lots of girls think I "must have slept with a lot of girls". I have no idea why, but the reality is that I really haven't. I've only slept with 2 girls before university.
Maybe I am better looking than I think or I have some.personality trait, but girls seem to think I've slept with a bunch of girls even though I haven't.
Anyway once I found this out I just agreed and lied about it...I bragged about having way more sex than i really have. For some reason this made girls even MORE interested in me, and because of that I've slept with 3 girls since starting university....I don't think they would have slept with me had they known that I hadn't slept with that many people. I just lie about it because apparently sleepijg with lots of girls makes me seem more desirable.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "singling a coworker out for toxic behavior",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
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WIBTA If I singled a coworker out for toxic behavior?
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I usually try to bring breakfast for my coworkers when I can (usually in the form of donuts or other pastries) and try to make it where there's two for each coworker. Lately I've had a few people approach me and thank me for the item (we'll say donut from now on to avoid confusion) but also ask why they only got one when everybody else got two. The first few times I've written it off as poor planning from me. Maybe I accidentally forgot that day. Then it got to the point where it happened more frequently. And I started to double-check the numbers eventually I asked to see the break room cameras to try to figure it out. Once I was allowed to see I figured out it was a female coworker doing it. Usually she's really kind and considerate. But when I confronted her about it privately she denied it, and when i told her I saw it on the cameras she got really rude. Would a asshole if tomorrow at work I made a announcement that I'd no longer be doing that because she is being inconsiderate ? I should mention it's her day off tomorrow.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "making a point to tell my roommate he got me sick right before my trip",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
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WIBTA if I made a point to tell my roommate he got me sick right before my trip?
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Basically the situation is that I have a huge trip that I'm leaving early next week, and people know how big of a deal this is to me. People also know I'm a bit paranoid about getting sick, but for good reason because I seem to catch colds really easily.
Early this week my roommate started coughing and sneezing a lot, and being really haphazard about it just sneezing everywhere, so I kept asking him if he thinks he's getting sick because if he does think so that I'll go stay with my parents so I definitely don't get sick. He kept saying no no it's just allergies yadda yadda, but then two days ago it was completely clear he was sick, so I asked him "So you're clearly sick" and he said yes and that he didn't want to worry me. I didn't make a big deal, even though I was very pissed, I just left a couple hours later and now I'm at my parents.
Wouldn't you know it, now I'm sick.
We're pretty close friends/roommates, so I feel like I should tell him... Something. That I don't want to make a big deal about it but he got me sick and it's really frustrating, and in the future just be up front with me if he's sick. And stop using the paper towels in the kitchen to blow his nose. If I don't tell him I'm sick, he might never realise he fucked me over because I'm staying at my parents this week... Because I'm sick.
I don't know if this is creating unnecessary drama/makes me an asshole, but it's a big deal to me and I'm very upset he lied to me and got me sick when I would have been a lot more careful if he had been up front.
For the record, it's definitely him who got me sick because I've barely left the house this week, I've just been scrambling to prepare.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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b6lxev
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{
"description": "not helping my friend even if I know he will fail without me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
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AITA for not helping my friend even if I know he will fail without me?
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OK here's my story, in my country (Greece) there's a pretty big exam to get into any university you want and both me and my friend gonna take it in a few months. The thing is my friend struggles a lot and proposed the idea to study together the last month, I didn't really say yes or no at that time but after thinking it for a while I made up my mind that I want to study alone. Because it's the second time taking that exam iam really nervous and don't want to "throw away" that second chance and disappoint my family and I know that if I say yes I will spend the whole month explain him the basics and I won't have time to focus on my problems /or anything I think I need to practise more. But if I say no I know that he will probably write below average and fail to get into any university. I tried to help him the whole year by answer him any questions he had or helping him to solve any homework he was struggle with but still not sure if I being a huge asshole or not
Ps sorry for the broken English, not my first language
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ama9pq
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{
"description": "being annoyed with an openly suicidal friend who constantly brings it up",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
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AITA for being annoyed with an openly suicidal friend who constantly brings it up?
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First post on Reddit, no idea if I’m doing this right, so I’ll try to make to it short.
I have a friend who I’ve been hanging around for a month or so, mostly at school, and I’ve noticed that she often says to teachers or other students “Sometimes people don’t understand how hard depression is” or “I don’t feel like living anymore.” I’ve been down quite a lot, but I’ve never been public about it, and online there are a lot of people who seem like they’ve been depressed, but are quite open about it, but online, you kind of have a sense of being anonymous.
Am I the asshole for being annoyed at my friend for being openly suicidal to me and others? She seems quite happy and sometimes even bubbly.
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HISTORICAL
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arecbf
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{
"description": "getting Petty Revenge",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
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WIBTAH For Getting Petty Revenge?
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Sorry, but this one is a little bit long. I was gonna wait and post this in r/pettyrevenge but my co-worker told me it would be a dick move to do what I'm wanting to do, but I don't think it is.
I work for Big Corporation (wouldn't be hard to find out but not gonna name it) as a lowly sales associate. I've worked for the Company for 3.5 years, been in MANY different positions, and I'm ready to move up the ladder. I've spent the last 2 years training for a specific position, which just opened up. I put in for the position, but so did 12 other people.
Now, when I say I've been training for this position, I mean there are days where I run my side of the store basically by myself at least one day a week. I can run the fish counter, the paint counter, the automotive counter, the sporting goods counter (which is my position. Also, I've already been background checked and trained in selling guns and hunting/fishing licenses, so they would save money on the background check for someone else), the GM pickup counter, everything electronics (including cell phone activation), photo lab, fabrics, etc. I can even do a lot of things in grocery, including the bakery, deli, and produce, and even online grocery pickup.
Now, I knew I would need a leg up on a few people who might could get on the same level as me as far as being trained because these positions don't open up very often. So, I got trained on all the powered lifting equipment. Scissor lift, walkie stacker, electric pallet jack, and the forklift. A lot of people are trained on these however, so I took it one step further and got trained to be a trainer on all the PLE equipment.
There are three important things to note here.
1) There is no pay raise of any kind for being trained on these equipment or for being a trainer
2) You cannot operate the equipment if you don't have your license badge attached to your safety vest (and if I can't operate the equipment, I can't train people)
3) There are only two trainers in the store right now: me and a guy so just got promoted to AM and is leaving in 2 weeks.
So, it's been two weeks since the position opened up. I haven't been interviewed and everyone else has. I've made sure I was in the correct files to be interviewed. Personnel and two other AM's have told me and even showed me I was in the file to be interviewed. Rumor is, they're giving it to a guy who has worked for the Company for only 5 months. No one can stand the guy, but he is buddy buddy with all the management, including the one in charge of hiring for this position.
I'm furious that I wasn't even considered for this job. I'm furious that this ass hat might be my boss. Mostly I'm angry I didn't even get to try for this job everyone knew I wound be gunning for. So I want to get my petty revenge. So here's the plan. When the other guy who is trained leaves, I'm going to "lose" my license badge (I'm gonna cut that shit up into a thousand pieces in the shredder) so no more people can get trained. This will cause management to have to either go to another store and become trainers themselves, or bring in someone from another store to write me a new badge or train someone else to be a trainer.
TLDR; would I be the asshole for causing my company time and money by getting my petty revenge for not being considered for a promotion I've worked my ass off for?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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WRONG
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aza600
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{
"description": "nor liking my 7 year old's friends at school",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
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AITA for nor liking my 7 year old's friends at school?
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She just started at this school and she's an only child so I am trying to keep my own snobbery in check, but the girls are loud, ill-mannered and not a good influence IMO.
It's just second grade so I should just STFU, right?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aygj4q
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{
"description": "asking to be treated as normal fcking human being",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking to be treated as normal fcking human being?!...
|
In my company we have an inofficial teamleader who really, really has anger problems. She did go to a therapists about that multiple times in her life. While we were used to her being unfair and bitchy, about 1,5years ago she started to just make up lies and literally SCREAM us down over them... while they were straight up never true in the first place..
​
About half a year into this, we got a new coworker. She was a good friend of the owner and was originally only intended to jump in for an oversized project, but now she decided to stay. This new coworker asked us about if the teamleader would always go mad like that. We had a few discussions over that..
​
Now about 3 months have passed already, noone really knew what to do. Then i had a project with said teamleader. She would literally ask me to things that were physically IMPOSSIBLE and when i said "i'm sorry,i'm confused. i can either do this, or that-but both won't work.." she would curse at me all the time, screaming at me to "just freaking do it" and run off without ever giving me an answer as to what the hell she meant. e.g.: She wanted me to insert a Picture onto a page, without cutting or deforming it, but wanted it to be heights x and width z - but these just didn't match the proportions of the picture.
Now: New coworker and eldest designer (remember!!: she's the teamleaders bestie) and settled on ED talking to her about it since she was her friend. But she always kept pushing the talk farer and farer away, the project i did wasn't going anywhere, but i was being screamed at for not bending time and space multiple times a day.. At one point even so i again had been told ED would talk to the teamleader next week, i just couldn't take it any longer and kind of exploded and sent Screenshots of a) when i used her heights without cutting or stretching so width didn match, and b) the other way around. i signed the short email off with "and if we could be discussing things like these in a normal tone of voice, i would be really glad about that. sincerely .." i know i was supposed to hold myself down but i kind of snapped and sent that mail faster than i could realise what. i. had. just. done. ....
​
Now long story a bit shorter: Coworkers to this day are pissed at me cause ED was supposed to talk to her and i had NO RIGHT to say something like that. i was yelled at and called "naughty" (WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!!) by ED at first. and since then, everyone is kind of shutting me out. i have never been good with people, but i really feel shitty and dude i know i should have been silent but were you taking all of this?! and yes okay sorry i tried to defend myself and yes the "and if we could be discussing things like these in a normal tone of voice, i would be really glad about that. sincerely .." was pretty f\*cking obvious but what the heck was i supposed to do about the project failing?!...
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HISTORICAL
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asghrj
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{
"description": "dumping my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
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|
AITA for dumping my Girlfriend?
|
For context she was implying she was cheating on me and when I dumped her she said it was a joke. Here's the chat logs. http://imgur.com/gallery/MYH5t5q
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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aeds7x
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{
"description": "getting mad at my girlfriend for going through my phone behind my back",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend for going through my phone behind my back? (Long AF)
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Hello reddit. This is gonna be a VERY long story but I feel like I should give you as much detail as possible so I can get a fair judgement. I hope you can bear with me and my rant as I want you to see both points of view involved in this situation.
First off, I am no angel and I'm aware of it. This all started basically a few months ago because I tried to hide a text conversation between a former coworker and I. Basically she and I called each other babe and said I love you a lot. She was basically my manager for a while and we would mostly talk about me filling in shifts every now and then when I could. I didn't really mean anything since pretty much everyone in that line of work talks to each other like that (I used to work in bars and clubs for a long time, then I went part time until I finally quit).
I know I should have been honest with her but I wasn't sure how she would react since we had already had an incident where I let her know my ex had drunk-texted me the night before. My mistake there was to reply "I hope you're doing ok" out of politeness, then delete that conversation as soon as I woke up since I realized I had already moved on, I was happy, and I didn't want to have contact with her anymore. We ended it "in good terms and didn't feel like a nasty reply or ignoring it was necessary. Well, my girlfriend ( let's call her Chelsea) found this extremely suspicious and got mad at me for deleting the conversation before she could see it and said that she didn't know what had I replied and what if she was trying to get me back? She didn't let the matter go until I blocked My ex's number right in front of her. Which I must say it was unnecessary since I know for sure I'd never go back to my ex but I saw where she was coming from so I agreed to do it.
Back to the main story. Chelsea and I were hanging out one weekend. I picked her up from her house and while she was getting ready, my clever ass decided to go through unopened texts just cause I hate to see the little icons on the app. One of those texts being from my former manager ( let's call her Jessica) about taking another shift. Before I could finish, Chelsea came out so I just put my phone in my pocket and we got into my car. We were meeting friends and they had sent us an address so when I went to check my phone for it, first thing that popped out was that conversation between Jessica and I. I tried to hide it by getting out of that convo and kinda pulling my phone towards me hoping she didn't see anything (stupid, I know). She didn't say anything at the time but the whole time we were with our friends she was kinda quiet. She stayed over at my place that night but late the next day she just got up and said she was leaving when we were waking up from a nap. She looked really upset but didn't want to talk about it. We didn't talk until the next day. And in the mean time I had the great idea of deleting that conversation, in fear that she saw it and read too much into something meaningless. So, you can imagine how that went. When she finally told me that she was upset because I tried to hide my phone from her. I tried to deny it at first l, but I had no choice to confess. Apparently what triggered her the most was a "😉" that she saw. I tried to explain to her that that was jus a reply to Jessica who told me she had become a gym trainer and asked me if I knew anybody who wanted to be trained. I said "I'll ask around. I got you😉." Chelsea, of course didn't believe me. We fought for about a week straight. And at the end she asked me to delete my ex's , Jessica's and any other girl that I "talked to like that before" of my phone. I knew I had broken her trust and I needed to gain it back, so I, once again agreed.
During the weeks after that incident, she became even more jealous than what she was before. We were mostly good but every now and then she'd plant hypothetical scenarios, ask me questions, and get mad if she didn't like my answer. "Oh you're gonna go visit your hometown for a week? What would you do if you run into your high school girlfriend? What do you mean you would say hi?! What if she tried to greet you with a hug? Wtf do you mean you would do the same?! Idgaf if you don't wanna be impolite! You said she has tried to add you on FB! There's a reason why you didn't accept!!!" She would also get mad if she called me and I didn't answer, even when I called back right away ( I put my phone on silence for work and sometimes forgot to turn it back up at home and leave it around the house somewhere on accident). This one time I tried driving for a certain ride share app company. She called me when I had customers in the car so I ignored the call, then, she called three more times and I started thinking it was an emergency. So I called her back (customers still in my car) just for her to ask me "are you working? Do you have people in your car?" After I said yes to both she just hung up and I got a text from her that read something like "THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ANSWER THIS TIME BUT NOT THE LAST THREE? HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND! " That was basically her cancelling our plans for later that night. And for the rest of the weekend. This other time she was at my house. We were watching a movie in the living room and my mom was there with us. Everything was cool until I got a phone call from on of my close friends (a guy). She could clearly see his name displayed on the phone screen, she knows him and knows where really close. I picked up the phone, walked away from the living room and we had a brief conversation. She looked upset when I came back. When I sat down she whispered "why do you feel like you need to walk away when you talk to your friend? Do you have plans today? I did not. It was a Saturday night and I wanted to try my luck with this ride share gig on a weekend night, which I had already told her. I also tried to explain that I was embarrassed by the way my friend and I talk to each other (calling each other hoe, bitch, and pretty much every name on the book playfully) and I didn't want my mom to listen to that. Of course she didn't believe me and we fought again. I can list a couple other examples but I think you get the point.
I usually try to stay calm and keep my cool when explaining stuff to her, but sometimes I'm not in the mood for BS, which brings me to a few weeks ago, a couple days before Christmas. It was a weekend day and I decided to go to a couple stores to get las minute gifts (including a small one for her even though we agreed not to get each other anything for economic reasons but I wanted to make her feel special) I was running a bunch of errands. She knew I hadn't worked that day so we were texting back and forth. I even remember I was the last one to text before everything went to shit. I had came back home and was in the shower when I got a call from her. I called her back as soon as I got out. She didn't reply. I texted her "Sorry baby. I was in the shower " I got an "ok" I had bought a small replacement part for my car, so I went outside again to try and replace it. After I got done. I called her back as I was giving it a test drive to see if it worked. She picked up with an attitude. She was upset because I had been taking too long to text back all day. I got bothered and I said "if you don't wanna talk to me, I won't fucking make you." She then texted me saying "you said you were home. You were in a car lol. I'm going to your house right now." Which to me sounded like she was trying to catch me in a lie so I got even more pissed off. I told her "I'll be waiting" then I called my friends and told them to pick me up. Long story short. She showed up. I wasn't there. She called crying saying I was a piece of shit. And we didn't spend Christmas together.
We later talked, and this was the first time I yelled during the whole conversation. I told her how I felt. I told her I fucking hated her jealousy, her short temper and her shitty attitude. I told her I was tired of basically being told I'm a total piece of shit when I make a simple mistake. I told her I never cheated on her because I loved her, but I was not willing to stay with her if she kept making huge deals out small little things. I told her I felt unappreciated because I'm always there when she truly needs me. But the second I take a little longer than usual to text back or I miss a call, I get shitted on because "I don't pay attention to her". I also told her that if we were to make it, she had to work on that shitty attitude and on that short temper. I told her yeah, sometimes I went days without talking to her but it was only because she had made me so mad that I'd rather cool of first cause I didn't want to say anything I didn't mean. She agreed and we tried it again.
About a week ago I got a text from her "have you been going to the gym with other girls?" I'm like "WTF? No!" She said "No what?!!!" She wasn't happy until I answered her in a complete sentence "No, I have not been going to the gym with another girl" and added "where the fuck do you get that from?" Apparently this friend of her brother (who she lives with) came by to their house to chill with him and he INSINUATED that he had seen me at the gym and she ASSUMED that I had been there with someone else by the way he had said it. This guy used to have a crush on Chelsea and he even told me so himself. Even her brother told her not to listen to him, but what did she do? She fucking listened to the fucker and called me to interrogate me about it. She wasn't satisfied and she told me to give her time to think. I called her brother right away since I new the guy was still with him and asked to speak to him. He took everything back and even went as far as to say he never mentioned anything to her. She apologiz
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a03uyw
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{
"description": "wanting more sex with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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|
AITA for wanting more sex with my girlfriend?
|
Sorry for the Wall of text but there’s a lot of detail to this story so let’s start off at the beginning.
My girlfriend(21) and I(26) have hit a rough patch in our relationship after dating for two years and it’s about sex. We haven’t had sex for the past 6 weeks and it’s really started to build up sexual frustration inside of me. She knows that this bothers me but doesn’t have sex just because she’s a little tired(even when she wants it as well). This happens all of the time and it’s usually me who initiates sex because she’s never been the aggressive type to start it. This really bothers me because I feel like I have to force myself into her just to get her into the mood but she reassures me that this is how she likes it. I feel uncomfortable with this because I don’t ever want to cross the line and go to far.
Another thing to add is that we don’t get very much alone time to begin with because she still lives with her family due to her culture(she’s from Mexico) so the time we can sleep together in the same bed is super limited with no one being there. Even when the stars align and we have the night to ourselves she still pulls the “tired” card even knowing it may be a long while before we get a chance like this again. So today I got mad at her for not having sex even when she said she was in the mood but just a little tired. We ended up getting into a huge fight about it because it doesn’t seem like she’s physically attracted to me anymore because the passion and all the small things we use to do to show interest are just gone. She doesn’t text me cute and sexy things anymore, she doesn’t grab my butt or whisper things into my ear anymore. It just all randomly stopped. I told her that I’m like any other human and want to be physically showed that she still thinks I’m attractive(she ensures me that she still finds me attentive) and then she yells at me telling me that I don’t respect her feelings because she didn’t want to have sex because she was a little tired (even though she’s having the urges to have sex with me). She then tells me that everyone would be disgusted with me for even having his conversation and that I’m an asshole for even talking about this topic. I’ve respected everything that her culture and family have thrown my way from not being able to spend the night over at her place until we get married, she’s not allowed to spend the night at my place but somethings says she’s spending the night at friends to sleep over. Even then a lot of the time we don’t have sex. I try my hardest to except her way of life but when I bring up the sex topic she doesn’t understand that it’s incredibly important to me not only physically but emotionally as well. I want to be showed that I’m still attractive to someone else. She puts me as this pervert who should be ashamed of myself if anyone knew that we have this fight.
Also she has expressed that sex isn’t the most important thing to her in a relationship since the very beginning (it’s not for me either but it is important) but she’s always loved it and was happy to do it frequent for the first year and a half of our relationship.
Reddit, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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jbGWkOTmCtzkRh5fSv6ayHBfwDtMF4Sn
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ax2ac0
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{
"description": "holding a personal belief",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for holding a personal belief?
|
For some backstory, of a very close relationship with a girl I cared very much about ended a month ago (call her M). It wasn't romantic or sexual, and I never felt like it needed to go in that direction. We we're very honest about our feelings and ideals, and our main goal was to be honest and straight up with each other. That honesty was what gave her the courage to tell me that she realsied that she just didn't want to have any close relationship with anyone at the moment(she has dealt with a lot of emotional about in the past, which caused her to lose her sense of self and her own independence), and I wholeheartedly respect that, even though it hurt me horribly. It still hurts me a month later, and I get anxiety attacks whenever she appears in my head, which is a lot. That's a whole entire story which I really don't want to talk about, so I'd appreciate it if people would not pry in the comments regarding specific details about our friendship. Of course you're still free to ask questions, but try keeping them broad and impersonal.
Recently I've been trying to find a way to move on from that and get out of this depressive state I'm in now. I've been trying to be more social (I basically isolated myself after the friendship ended) and tried becoming a more extroverted and bubbly person, like I used to be. A week ago I decided to hit up a friend I had a few years ago in order to reconnect (I'll call her S) . We were fairly close back then, but I have changed a lot since. I was unsure about how things would turn out. While talking and hanging out with S was enjoyable and felt natural, I found that I would feel very drained and very stressed afterwards. Eventually, I decided it wasn't the healthiest for me to start making friends just yet, and it would be unfair to S if I forced myself to continue being friends with her. I told her yesterday that I didn't want to start any type of friendship just yet, and that I needed to come to terms with what happened to M first. S was clearly very sad about it, and It was clear that she didn't understand my reasoning.
I'm generally a very independent guy, and I understand my emotional and mental limits when it comes to relationships, and I don't feel bad when I say I'm not emotionally available to someone. I'm confused to why S doesn't understand that, and I'm afraid that I unintentionally hurt her due to my emotional unavailability. Perhaps my honesty caused more harm than help.
Should I have been more vocal beforehand? Should I be dealing with the ended friendship with M differently? I'm happy to answer questions and concerns in the comments.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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Wt7j3ZJZxa6pGkuyuNB6sMEMaEKsCSSv
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a5vucx
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{
"description": "yelling at my mom for giving my baby a \"comfort\" bottle",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 17
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|
AITA for yelling at my mom for giving my baby a ”comfort” bottle?
|
My mom is retired and watches my daughter (18 months) for me while I’m at work. I do appreciate it a lot and she never wants money. The thing is, I don’t always feel like she fully takes me seriously as a parent. I’m single and I struggled a bit in the beginning and I’m not sure my mom ever fully let that go.
Here’s what happened this time. I tried very hard to wean my daughter off of the bottle when she was a year old and communicated with my mother a lot about the switch to sippy cups.
I came home early the other day because of a huge power outage at my job. I see my daughter on the couch happily sucking her bottle. I confronted my mother about it who said she only gives it to her “when she gets hysterical”. I flipped out and I did raise my voice.
What’s super annoying is that I know my daughter is smart enough to know what’s going on too since she never even cries to me for one. So basically it’s been their little secret.
Anyway my mom is now mad at me and barely speaking to me. But I feel like anyone would have been angry in my position? AITA for how I reacted?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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suJGgiXDcjG6QAZisVn6bHGenPqRBtSC
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a00v26
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{
"description": "calling my brother a dick",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for calling my brother a dick?
|
So, sorry for the second post so soon. I haven't ever actually participated in this sub and didn't think about it until the events of my first post here.
A few months back, I was sitting in the living room and made some joke about my brother needing to push the buttons harder to win the game he was playing. He's 10 and gets very upset very easily, and started being a little brat about it, telling me I'm dumb and that's not how it works, telling me to go away and that he's not bad at the game. I'm not replying, just laughing. It was some stupid banjo kazooie on the Xbox 360, and it was a really easy bit.
So anyways, my dad turns around from his computer and asks what the problem is and my brother says I'm being a jerk. My dad takes his word for it and says "stop being an asshole" and I replied with "I'm not, he's being a dick." And that's where my dad lost his shit.
You see, my dad has a god complex. I got grounded once for proving him wrong on State laws concerning legal drinking age, I showed him the .gov site and gave him the RCW number and everything. I got grounded for "not leaving it alone." And this is no different. He thinks he's the only person in the house that is allowed to say anything bad.
So he tells me "go to your room and don't call your brother a dick." To which I tell him "if you're gonna call me an asshole, I'm gonna call him a dick. It's only fair." And I refuse to go to my room.
I think at this point I should mention that I'm chilling in a recliner next to a glass display case with my mom's dolls in it. He tells me to go to my room again, and I say no. He grabs me by the leg and tries dragging me out of the chair and I stay put. He rips the leg of my pants pulling on me.
He decides the next logical solution is to tackle me, so he does. He dives head first at me, still in the chair, and lands in my lap, hitting his head on the wall. He gets up and grabs me by the shirt, breaking my metal necklace i got from my girlfriend and tearing the collar of my work shirt.
He gets me standing and I stay static. He drags me to my door. I'm not fighting back, but I'm not complying.
He realized my bedroom door was shut, and if he let me go to open it I would just sit back down in the living room, and so instead he throws me against the door, cracking the wood.
This was my breaking point. He's broken my necklace, torn my entire outfit, and now he's fucked up the bedroom door that he made me paint in the first place.
So I swing at him. I hit him in the jaw. I swing at him again, hit him in the cheek, and again, hit him in the eye then I wrapped my arm around his throat and started choking him until he was on the floor. He screamed "I can't breathe." And I shouted back "that's the point dumbass" and eventually, my mom crying and begging me, I let go of him. He went upstairs and she followed. She came into my room a few minutes later begging me to just listen to my dad.
I know this situation could have been avoided, but I felt, I'm 17, I'm nearly an adult, and he still treats me like I'm 12. I wasn't going to fight back but I broke. He's spent my entire life beating be. He used to spank me with his leather belt full of holes, or a switch. Then at about 13 he progressed to slapping me until my nose bled, and even once held me down punching me in the face, because I stood up while we were arguing and he took it as a threat. My mom was in the background of that one and said "don't punch, slap. We don't need bruises." Occasionally she would try to defend me but he always threatened to put her through a wall.
The aftermath was that i had a bruise on the back of my head, he had a black eye and cut eyebrow, and his top dentures (he has a partial) had cut about a centimeter into his gums. He hasn't tried to pick a fight with me since, except for one time and I told him not to embarrass himself again.
So, am I the asshole for wailing on him? I know I should have just gone to my room, but with the way that things progressed, I personally feel i handled it well, but my mom acts like I'm a horrible person for it. I don't feel bad for what I did. He had it coming. I'm just curious.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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n7p6r6GVkFxJCZ7YpPAhuUwsvunslGOy
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b6u7bw
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{
"description": "getting a little upset every time my best friend and his girlfriend hang out with me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I get a little upset every time my best friend and his girlfriend hang out with me?
|
I’ll call them Gina and Tyler. I love my best friend Tyler and his girlfriend Gina, both are very dear friends to me. I met her first in middle school and she was my first best friend and then Tyler once they got together in high school. I hang out with Gina almost everyday at college and I love hanging out with her, she was my whole world at one point in time. I don’t really see my best friend as he lives very far away, but we get along great and cherish the time we get together.
Now the problem is whenever we all hang out together. Not just with me but also as a group with other friends. Since my Tyler lives far away he only gets to see Gina a couple of times a month, BUT she also stays over at his place (he rents a studio apartment) for a week or more at a time, maybe once a month or every other. The longest she stayed was a month which was during summer break. So they have plenty of time to hang out and be with each other and be all lovey dovey before Gina and I have classes. So when we hang out together I really want it to be a group thing. But it always ends up becoming a them thing. Don’t get me wrong I’m not against them doing couple things like a kiss or hugging when we all hang out it’s just that they do it a lot. Every single time they always end up being lovey dovey and do PDA although Gina doesn’t really like that. Because she knows I’m uncomfortable with them being lovey dovey so much so she tries to not do it. But Tyler says he can’t help himself. He says they they get so little time together that he wants every moment they spend together to be, well, together. Like last time we went bowling, and it was them and some of my siblings and me. And we were having a good time but then they started getting lovey dovey, like cuddling excessively, lovey talk, kissing, etc. It made the whole group feel a little uncomfortable, everyone was kind of glancing around awkwardly not knowing what to do. And I went outside to get some air with my other siblings and they stayed inside to cuddle and do whatever else. It’s like every time we all hang out it’s an excuse for them to take it as a date for themselves. Again I’m not against the occasional kiss or hug or whatever but when it gets to the point that it makes other people uncomfortable that’s where I draw the line. So that’s why I don’t really like hanging out when they’re together, I love hanging out with them both separately but together is just too much. They do this with other friends too and I’m getting tired of it. So am I the asshole? Should I just get over it and let them be? I just don’t know what to think anymore.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ia4BjksWPUkbkESBtr4iiL4EdVtqwoXU
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a1ees6
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{
"description": "telling my girlfriend to stop hanging out with one of her friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend to stop hanging out with one of her friends? (NSFW)
|
So myself (21M as of the past weekend) and girlfriend (18F) have been together for 2.5 years. We have a really understanding relationship in the sense that we have the occasional 3 way (4 in total). We have agreed that it will never involve another guy just girls because im not comfortable having some other guy inside her, and she completely understood.
Lately, over the past 2-3 months she has rarely been hanging out with me and just going out with her two "girlfriends" which are both gay and i have had 0 issues with it, except for the fact it seems she always puts them before me... always hanging out with them 4+ days a week and with hers and mine work schedule we can only see eachother for a max of 2ish hours a day durring the week and instead of seeing me she leaves to see them. With that being said we have had barely any sexual interactions between the two of us, maybe twice every week for the past couple months she has hung out with them (this is odd because we used to have sex almost daily).
Keep in mind I have told her I dont mind her kissing other girls when im not around as long as I am informed she is going to do so.
This last weekend I went to Vegas for my 21st birthday. We have had sex one time in the last 2 weeks and she never seems interested in kissing me at all, i almost have to beg just to makeout... the day i leave she invites her one gay friend over, which is not uncommon she comes over frequently, however they end up making out all night and cover eachother in hickeys, but just 2 hours before (when i left) she wouldnt even make out with me so im sure how you could see that would upset me a little bit. I voiced my oppinion and told her no more girls, i wasnt mad just it was wrong to pick someone else over me. She agreed.
The following day she goes to a party and makes out with the other one. So of course i was quite upset at that point seeing as how i leave town and shes all over these girls. So again i tell her NO MORE ANYTHING with girls, our whole "swinger" type phase is over and i just want the 2 of us. She agrees and says thats okay.
Fast forward to the next day, the day i come home. Her car breaks down and she needs her friend to drive her to work (the first one, ive also never liked this one since i have met her but put up with it for the sake of their friendship). I told her i was not comfortable since everything that has happend. She tells me i need to trust her she wont do anything. So i give in and say okay, she goes and hangs out for 2 hours then goes to work.
I come home that night and we had been arguing a decent amount all weekend and had a good discussion about it and i was starting to feel better. We then go to sleep but i had a weird feeling so i decide to check her phone while she sleeps... something I have never done. I go through her messages with the first one to find out she has pictures of her grabbing my girlfriends ass and when she "hungout" before work she actually went to her house to cuddle... that broke me. completely. I went into friends #2 messages to see they have been flirting constantly while i have been gone. Calling her cute nicknames, things i dont even get called.
After reading what i did i decide to wake her up to discuss my feelings. Tears in my eyes and shaking i wake her up and tell her that im disgusted in what she did considering she told me to trust her and i gave in to have that broken. I then inform her that i do not want her to have any contact with friend #1 anymore as i never liked her in the first place and they have destroyed my trust. Of course this didnt go over well. She starts getting mad and saying its my fault because i made her upset all weekend and she needed to feel happy again and cuddling her made her happy. I inform her of how i dont care and its either myself or her friend and she needs to cut off all contact and seeing her.
The next day she tells her friend everything ive said and she says her goodbyes. However since then (2 days) she has been constantly asking me when she can see her again.
TLDR: Girlfriend hooksup with freinds after telling me to trust her and i tell her no more hanging out with her.
Am i the asshole? Because according to both "her friends" and my girlfriend i am.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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zjQ8Qy0aCIrIKMCD2sRtMykLWg5oexMT
|
al3lo7
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{
"description": "asking for a refund on a phone that was claimed to be unlocked",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking for a refund on a phone that was claimed to be unlocked? (UPDATE)
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/akthfy/aita_for_asking_for_a_refund_on_a_phone_that_was
^Original Post^
So I had told her that I would like a refund, she read my message on Facebook, and didn't answer my message on mercari until this afternoon. this is what she said: " https://imgur.com/gallery/kMgKkGu "
now all I did when I got the phone was try to clear her phone after realizing she left ALL her info and apps logged in on the device. Now I am new to iPhone so I tried to clear it by resetting it in the settings. I needed her password to her account to clear all her info. So she gave me her password, I reset it, and she changed her passeord it immediately afterwards when I was done. that's fine.
but it didn't actually clear any of the information on the device so I looked up online what to do if I didn't have the password. it said to plug it into iTunes and reset it that way. I did. perfect. then I tried to plug my sim card in and it said it was not supported. all I did was clear it for a final time after realizing it wasn't working with my sim card. so I never did any "abundant changes" and either way, the device is cleared to factory settings.
I have no idea what to say to her to get her to understand that she listed her device wrong. therefore, it is not my fault that she asked me to make these changes. something she should have done before...
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a86lhy
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{
"description": "being upset at a vacation my close friend is taking",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being upset at a vacation my close friend is taking?
|
Throwaway because my friends use Reddit/will be changing identifying details to be safe
Last year I had a chance to study abroad in the country I’ve always wanted to visit, fully funded. The trip was very suddenly cancelled and it quite literally ruined my year—i had already bought travel items and was beyond excited. I had never been abroad.
Last summer a friend studied abroad and ended up in said country for a period of time and it was really hard for me to watch someone else enjoy the thing that I had lost.
Now my very closest friend has told me that her family will be vacationing there in just a few weeks. She’s been planning for months but didn’t tell me, so now I feel like I’m going to have trouble with her having this experience without being able to prepare myself for the jealousy that I’ll experience.
Basically, am I the asshole if I’m mad that she’s going? I guess I’m happy for her, but her timing is atrocious (she knew how hard it was for me when the other friend went) and not telling me for months has me feeling hurt and disappointed that I have to watch another of my friends have an amazing time on my dream trip.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
lNiTpEAX6asDiZjSmMxRb4safPklJyDp
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9y8gwc
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{
"description": "not voting",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not voting?
|
​
The last time I voted was 2008. The reason I voted was because Obama is black. I’m not trying to be edgy or anything. I literally voted for the president of the United States because I thought it would be cool to be around for the first black president. I didn’t understand his policies, his plan, or anything like that. I knew two things about him. He is a Democrat and he’s black.
After the election, I kind of felt like an idiot for voting the way I did despite not knowing anything about him. The next time I had the opportunity, I really tried to look at both sides of the issues and think about the repercussions. The thing is, there are good arguments for everything. I can understand why people want to be pro-choice and why people want to be pro-life. I understated that black lives matter. I also think blue lives matter. I think gun control is important but I also think people have the right to form their own armies if they want.
Honestly, I’m so damn middle of the road, I don’t know how to feel about anything. At this point, I don’t want to make decisions. I don’t feel qualified to. Really, I just want whoever is in charge to tell me what to do and I’ll do it. I want the leaders to worry about the big picture while I chug along with the small picture stuff.
So I haven’t voted since 2008. During the most recent election, my family got super mad at me for not voting. It wasn’t just one political camp either. Both sides. My brother, the staunch conservative, my mother, the dyed-in-the-wool liberal, they both tell me I’m an asshole for not voting. They point out people died for me to vote. They point out because I’m a veteran, voting should be extra important for me. But to me, it’s not.
But I feel like any vote I added to the pool would be nothing more than me going “heads or tails” and picking at random. I think that kind of vote thins the legitimacy of the pool. Like my crappy, uninformed vote makes my mom’s or my bro’s informed vote matter less.
AITA for not exercising a right people fought and died to give me, even though I feel like my opinion doesn’t matter because I don’t know what it is?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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7c2V0HCjnXqXWK5Y8sNavxhQFRhkBAEB
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afy6v4
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{
"description": "deciding to change career paths",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
WIBTA if I decided to change career paths?
|
There will be a TL;DR at the end.
The background: I was in the Marines and decided it wasn't for me, about 2 years prior to me getting out my wife and I talked about what career field I should go into. We decided I should try and be a Veterinarian since I love animals and love helping people. Since then I have been working tirelessly towards this goal and applied for the Fall 2019 semester for Vet school and have my interview there this upcoming Sunday.
The problem: The issue is I no longer am sure of my decision. I cannot help but think I should be pursuing medical school instead. I love animals, don't get me wrong, but human life is more valuable than animal life. I cannot help but feel like I am selling myself short by becoming a Veterinarian. I feel like it is more important to heal people rather than animals. I feel like being a person doctor would give me a greater sense of purpose and self-accomplishment. I understand the schooling for both is hard and competitive but I am confident I could do either (yeah I know r/iamverysmart).
My wife thinks I should pursue Vet school still because going to Medical school would require at least an additional 2 years onto schooling, not to include the longer residencies that are required to be a human doctor. We agreed to wait until I was in my career to try and have kids, it's just not financially possible while I am going to school. Having kids is super important to her and so I can understand why she wants me to complete school as soon as possible and begin my career but I just feel like I am selling myself short and could help so many more people being a human doctor.
Your Verdict: So would I be the asshole if I decided to abandon my Veterinary school plans and begin pursuing medical school instead even though my wife and I agreed I would be a Vet. This would prolong our plans on having kids by at least 4 extra years, (I would be in my mid-late thirties after medical school). This decision affects both of us greatly, our time, money, stress, and lifestyle will all be greatly impacted.
​
TL;DR: My wife and I both decided I would become a veterinarian. After working so hard and even having an interview at a Vet school I feel as though I am not living up to my full potential. I think I could become a human doctor and go to medical school, this would give me more satisfaction and purpose but my wife and I decided not to have kids until I was in my career (having kids is the most important thing to her). Would I be the asshole if I decided to add on at least 4 more years of schooling and residency to become a human doctor?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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aop9lv
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{
"description": "not feeling bad that my father was in a car accident",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not feeling bad that my father was in a car accident?
|
So today I received a call from my mom that my father had been in a car accident. My mom and father have been divorced since I was about 6 or 7, currently 26. My mom remarried when I was 8, then we moved to a different state. My father also moved to a different state so I would only see him every other summer, sometimes during Christmas break back when I was in school. So suffice to say he's been in my life but not as a major role model.
So bringing this up to speed recently I attended my cousin's wedding this passed summer, which was also the same weekend as my father's 50th birthday. Pretty much our entire family showed up back in our home state, minus my father. Which he gave a very poor excuse for not showing up and the whole family was disappointed, even his own mother was furious since it's his sister's daughter. We all worked had to plan a surprise for him only to find out 48 hrs before the wedding he wouldn't be there. Bare in mind the wedding date was announced a full year before actually happening, plenty of time to prep for this trip.
He is now trying to invite my sister and I to his wedding to a woman who he only met within the last 8 months. My sister wants no part in this due to the fact that the past 2 years worth of birthdays/Christmas for my niece and nephew, they didn't receive anything from our father, not even a phone call. She called him out on this after finding out he didn't go for the wedding, which she couldn't make it just due to financial issues, and his excuse was "a phone works both ways", so she's expected to call him on their birthday to talk to him? It has been 3 years since he last called me, I called him out on this and the wedding/his own birthday. He promised we would talk more, still nothing, not even a text.
To further the issue why I don't feel as bad is he is marrying the same woman who, while my sister was calling him out for not keeping contact with his own grandchildren, decided to take the phone from our father and tell her that if she was our mother she would have slapped my sister on the mouth for talking to our father like that. She is only 5 years older than my sister, and has not even met either of us yet. He seems more concerned with her children than his own flesh and blood. This is why I won't be attending his wedding.
I still care about him, he is my father and I wouldn't want to see him hurt, but I just don't feel as bad as I think I should for him getting in a car accident. Does this make me an asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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a6oyl7
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"description": "caring too much about a miscalculated split bill",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
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AITA for caring too much about a miscalculated split bill?
|
Me, my girlfriend, my friend, and his wife had dinner at a restaurant.The bill came up to 150$ (incl. tip). I had a 200$ bill so my friend said I should pay, take the change and he'll give me his part of the bill.
He calculated 60$ and gave me the money, I didn't think much of it until recently, when I thought about what we've ordered:
All of our dishes cost pretty much the same, we've all had a glass of wine, but they've also ordered coffee and dessert, meaning that there's no way that I should have paid more than them (150-60=90).
I called him up and told him "hey it's rather silly but I think we've miscalculated the bill" and proceeded with the explanation. He summed it up with "I've probably didn't include the tip..It's probably around 10$ so I'll give it to you when we see each other, have to go".
It's not 10$. It's 30$...The same day we had to talk again about some work-related stuff. I told him "hey listen about the bill...I think it's mo..." he cuts me and says "are you still on it?? I told you I'll pay you back". I told him it's Ok but it's more than 10$.
He said "No way. Ok, let's calculate it if you're so worried...(opens online menu)" -- I told him "I'm not worried. I just found it strange that you guys ordered more and I'm the one who ended up paying more".
So we've calculated it, and I was correct. My bill came up to 63$ incl. tip...he said "I don't know how it happened. The extras we've ordered cost nothing...ok I'll give you 30$" in a rather condescending voice.
I felt like a big douche so I said "Don't give me money. Coffee and donuts are on you next time". Even though I'm pretty sure he'll "forget" about it.
Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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DGlk2Q8aKM0dJKYystfJmmpOH8rA8Ufn
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atpqvz
| null |
AITA my libido is much higher than my partners
|
Hers is very low, sex isn’t a massive thing for her at all
For me, I am a very very very horny person. Very.
I understand that it isn’t going to be the way I want it but it’s getting to the point where I’m starting to question whether it’s me. I’m taking it quite personally now even though I shouldn’t and I try not too.
At first there was lots of sex and it was great. I really love her and every other aspect is good. It’s just starting to affect me.
She wants me to not get horny and ignore the feeling but it’s not as easy as that
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
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|
agnktd
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{
"description": "grabbing my wife's wrist",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for grabbing my wife's wrist?
|
This happened in January of last year and has haunted me ever since.
​
I'd never touched my wife aggressively before. We were having a big argument about something that I don't even remember anymore. She had a piece of paper (I think from our son's school), and I asked to see it, but she said that she wanted to read it to me instead of having me see it.
​
She held it up in the air away from me. She's in a wheelchair, so I could reach it. I tried to, but she kept pulling out of my reach. I grabbed the wrist that held it, and pulled the paper away.
​
When I grabbed it, I grabbed it firmly so she couldn't pull it away. She told me later that it had hurt, and I was shocked. I already knew that any kind of physical restraint was bad, but pain made it worse. There was no bruising.
​
I was shocked at my own actions, and cried and apologized, and promised to never do it again. It's been a year, and I haven't. I've done therapy for anger problems in that time, on my own initiative, and started attending a church to get my life in order.
​
Everyone says that a man that touches you once will do it again. So I guess my question has two parts: a real part for this sub, and one just for validation (I read the mod post!)
​
\-Was I the asshole when I grabbed her wrist?
\-Am I the asshole still?
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aodx6o
| null |
WIBTA if my friends and I went through with this highschool prank?
|
Context: My friends and I (all seniors in highschool) know two other seniors (both guys) that are openly homophobic and racist. Let's call them C and H. Around valentine's day, our school has a charity event where students can buy "Valentine's Grams" to have dedicated singers sing a love song, in class, to whomever the patron specifies. C and H both have a class together, so my friends and I thought it would be funny to have some singers sing some love songs to C and H. We bought two grams: one "from" C to H and one "from" H to C. I put quotes around 'from' because we intentionally make it look like they are the ones sending each other grams, when in reality we are the ones buying them.
So my question is to you guys, is this a righteous prank that makes fun of a couple of homophobes, or are we going too far by embarrassing these guys in front of everyone during class?
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ad1ai3
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{
"description": "not being in town to celebrate Valentine's day with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being in town to celebrate Valentine's day with my girlfriend?
|
Sorry for formatting, I'm on mobile.
Every year, for the past 6 years my family has gone on a ski trip on family Day weekend in February. Not every year, but often this means I'm away for Valentine's Day.
I have never had a girlfriend to worry about leaving, until this year. We have been together for three months and she's a little bit upset that I won't be here for February 14th. Even though I promised we would celebrate it the day before.
She keeps guilt tripping me and complaining that I'm not going to be here, and I feel really bad. But I would feel worse if I ditched my family for her.
Am I the asshole for not staying in town to celebrate Valentine's Day with my girlfriend?
|
HISTORICAL
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ajc9pg
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{
"description": "not thinking poop is funny",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not thinking poop is funny
|
Wall-o-text here. But don't worry, Tl:Dr at bottom.
So last night I come in the front door from work and I immediately smell dog poop. My wife is sitting on the floor spraying febreeze on the rug.(she had already cleaned up the poop) I take a couple steps and feel something squish. Apparently she stepped in the poop when she came in and track some of it while going to get paper towels. So I stop and take off my shoes and start walking to the bathroom to rinse them off in the tub. A couple steps later I step in more poop this time with bear feet. It was in the shape of the wifes footprint so it was another track. I let out a Low key "WTF" and hop to the bathroom. ( I did it in a way that was supposed to convey that I wasn't saying wtf to her, just the situation)
After washing my feet and shoes I come back out to see if I can help. It's mostly done now my wife is getting the last of it. I thank her for cleaning up. I had brought home dinner so I started setting that up so she could eat when she finished.
So we're sitting down eating dinner in front of the TV when the other dog jumps up on the couch next to me. All the sudden I get another wave of poop smell in my face. I realize that this dog has also stepped in the poop and had it stuck between her toes and was now rubbing on the couch and me. Not the dogs fault they don't know any better. But I command her off the couch and get up to take her to the tub. At this point I'm pretty pissed.
My wife said something along the lines of, "Wtf is wrong with you?". I'm thinking that maybe she thinks I'm mad at her. I tell her "I'm not mad at you it's just the situation, there's like poop everywhere"
She responds "so what, it's just poop, its funny".
This kind of startles me. "It's not funny it's disgusting I don't want to be covered in poop" I reiterate that I don't think it's her fault I'm not trying to blame her.
From there it devolves into an argument about how I get irrationally angry over little stuff. This part is true. If I'm working on a project and hit a roadblock I will get angry. I don't take it out on her or anything but I will sometimes swear at the thing I'm working on. There was one time that she brought up where I went full primal scream on the Margaritaville machine. Again though I was in a different room screaming at the machine not her. still dumb to scream at the machine but who does it hurt?
She says that my anger is a trigger for her that makes her angry. I think that this situation justified getting angry and I should be allowed to express that anger. I got over the poop thing pretty quickly but we continue to argue because I was upset at how angry she got at me. I mean she was so furious that I was kind of uneasy like she was going to hit me or throw something. which has only ever happened when she gets like super saiyan angry. I didn't think anything I did was that bad to warrant it this time.
Tl:Dr disagreement about whether or not poop is funny and if someone is justified in getting angry for stepping in poop multiple times.
|
HISTORICAL
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b1vpxy
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{
"description": "ignoring my music director's advice",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ignoring my music director’s advice?
|
My music director plays the trumpet and I play a stringed instrument. He will constantly critique my playing, not because he has valid criticism, but because he thinks he can. For example, if I play a long piece and mess up a note in the middle, when I’m done, the first thing he says is, “You messed up a note in the middle.” It’s not “good job”, it’s just straight to criticism.
However, when he gives more complex criticism, it’s not correct. This is because he plays the *trumpet* and not a string.
I know what he’s saying doesn’t fit my instrument, so should I just ignore what he has to say?
|
HISTORICAL
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b0x7fl
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{
"description": "ditching my friend after he called me a homophobic slur",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for ditching my friend after he called me a homophobic slur?
|
A while back I had this friend who I met about almost 5+ years ago. And eventually I came out to him as bi. He seemed really supportive and nice about it and I thought there was nothing to worry about. I can’t quite remember why but I think the topic of slurs came up and specifically if white people should be able to say the n word. I told him I don’t think it’s right and that there really shouldn’t be a situation where a white man should have to say the n word. He said “yeah whatever faggot” I said “dude that’s not funny can you not use that word” and he said “yeah whatever” I immediately hung up the call. Later I texted him a wall of text saying that it was offensive and rude of him to say that and he replied with a quick “ok sorry I won’t do it again” a few days later I felt like I didn’t get my point across and that he wasn’t taking this seriously. I texted him that I wanted to talk and he didn’t reply. About a week later I tried calling him. No response. About 1 and a half week later I tell him that if he doesn’t reply we aren’t going to be friends any more. He doesn’t reply. So I tell him that he was never a good friend and that there are other people I would rather talk to. I then blocked him and I still think about it. I feel like I didn’t give him a chance to defend him self or maybe I was too sensitive. Thanks for reading.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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2KUIL1pOoeLWlWqVFpnxVTJmnOSCKzqa
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alu39x
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"description": "not repaying back gifted money when I said once that I would",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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|
AITA for not repaying back gifted money when I said once that I would? (long post with TL;DR)
|
So this a story about my (M25) ex-gf (F22-23).
TL;DR at the end
Additional context can be found in my post history
Long story short, I went out with a local girl from my area for around 5 months, one of which I was away on several conference trips. I'm a busy PhD student in their final year of study (known as the write-up year) and she works part-time in a bank as an assistant. We had a lot in common and met over Tinder. There was an incredible spark between us, until the day we started to officially date. That's when things got tricky and she changed quite a lot.
With my trips away, she started to become very insecure and upset at how busy I was; how I was neglecting her and treating her as a part-time girlfriend (you can read up about this in my post history), despite originally being proud of my achievements and professional trajectory.
In the middle of one of my trips, we got into a horrible argument that lasted a few hours, and ended with her offering me £70 to enjoy my trip and treat myself. At first I declined, as this amount seemed way too high for the gesture and for the fact we had just had an argument. She insisted and put it into my account anyway. I obliged and took myself to dinner and to see a performance with a live orchestra. Having spent most of the day at the conference and the evening busy, I went straight to bed and sent her a few messages before we said goodnight. As usual, this was not enough. She was only really happy if we had 'proper' conversations that lasted more than an hour.
It turns out that she was very not okay with that fact that I didn't update her enough after treating myself. We had another phone call the following day and I was accused of being ignorant, ungrateful, disrespectful and negligent. I apologised after some hesitation at first, because I thought that I had a legitimate reason to not want to have long calls at the end of the day, as I was genuinely exhausted and in a hostel. I had to be out of bed in the common area if we wanted to talk. This argument eventually concluded with us both regretting sending and receiving the money. The original idea had been tainted. I offered her the £70 back but she refused; just acknowledged that I had ruined her gift. Two weeks later it was my birthday and she gifted me £20, followed by another present
Fast forward a month, and things are very rocky. Arguments are more than frequent, and the relationship is awkward and miserable. She starts to notice I don't say "I love you" back to her anymore and that we weren't as intimate. I was checking out emotionally. During this stage, my friends and colleagues say that I went through a stage of emotional abuse. Her (aggressive) demands for my attention had become that frequent, that I was finding myself not working or making progress with my PhD because she was constantly making me choose between her or my thesis. I chose her more often than I should have because I don't deal well with violence and especially shouting. If we spent too much time not talking, texting, or meeting up, she would go on endless rants. Life was easier if I just followed. I no longer had the emotional energy to stand up for myself because it never got me anywhere. We broke up shortly after. I told her after an argument that I didn't love her anymore. I didn't bring up the fact that I felt emotionally abused. I just wanted to be out of her life, and her out of mine.
Readers may be wondering why I'm making this thread. Well, a few weeks before I left for my trips, I was going to be paid by the University I am doing research for, in order to fund these trips. The payment was due in July but for a series of unfortunate administrative problems was postponed until September. My ex-gf offered me some money to borrow so I didn't starve, and having set up a payment plan, I accepted. I borrowed £300 for her in June with the idea that I would pay her straight back in July when the payment came through. When we found out that the payment would be delayed until September, she said it was okay. Annoyed, but okay with it.
We broke up shortly after my birthday in late August, and I had taken a Leave of Absence from the PhD because I didn't have a routine and wasn't mentally there to make good progress. The breakup, while necessary, was just too much. Adding to this, my money was very low as a result of the delayed payment. I had been expecting and planned out the rest of the year's budget with this money in mind. I got a part-time job and tried to make things okay in any way I could, but I still owed my gf the £300.
So, I send an email to the funders and ask for a confirmation of when this money will be coming in. It turns out that because I took the Leave of Absence, I am no longer eligible for the grant money and I had to wait until I was officially back from Leave. Had I have known this, I wouldn't have taken the LoA until I had received the payment. I had no money and a part-time job that paid a month in arrears. Things weren't good, and I still owed my ex the £300.
So, now I send my ex a message saying that the payment would be now delayed until January/February when I came back from Leave. She knew I was going to take one, as she saw how stressed out I was. She just never thought or knew that she was a big contributor in all of this. This was my business and I didn't want her to feel bad, I guess. She took the news about the delayed payment quite well. She was angry at first, but I sent her the confirmation emails and all official correspondence. I offered to pay her in monthly, but smaller, instalments, but she rejected this idea and preferred I pay her in a lump sum. I mentioned that my current financial situation wouldn't allow me to be able to do that until I had received my grant in Jan/Feb of the following year. If dates are unclear, this would be around 6-7 months after her loaning me the money. At this point I have to admit that she's been not only kind enough to lend me this money, but also patient enough to wait for me to pay it back several months after we had originally agreed.
Well, two months after we broke up. She got in touch with me randomly and demanded I give her back the £90 of gifted money, in addition to the previously agreed £300. To avoid another argument, I agreed. I said that I wasn't comfortable with the fact that she was essentially asking back money that was previously gifted. She said that it was only fair due to how soon after giving me the money we broke up. We ended the conversation and I didn't hear from her until the other day.
She again messages me out of the blue and aggressively asks for her money back (the £300). I say that I'd pay her the money in Jan/Feb as we had agreed. Again, she is angry and we argue. She says that I said that she'd have the money back in January, and since it was the 11th of January, I should have it by now. I forwarded her the confirmation of payment emails and said that I was unable to offer the full amount until I was paid. I reminded her that she rejected a payment in instalments, but she was fixed on the idea that she should have it now. I understand her point of view. At this point she has no faith that she is getting the money. It has been postponed twice and now I'm her ex. It's not a situation either of us wants to be in.
We argue some more and she tells me that I shouldn't have seen the payment date as the last deadline, and that I had other avenues to pay her back, like sell my motorbike, ask for family loans, or take one of those emergency payday loans. She argues that I have a personal responsibility to pay her back, and she has waited long enough. I declined all of these as said that paying her back wasn't a priority of mine since we had an agreement that I would pay her the day I got the grant money, and would pay her off in one lump sump. She wants to know the exact date I would pay her, so I email my funders and ask for an updated date as I am desperately in need of this money myself. The office gets back to me and confirms that I will have the payment on the 5th of February. I immediately send this to her, and she calls me.
She shouts down the phone screaming that the situation is unacceptable, followed by a chain of insults. I don't reciprocate. I never do. She also finds that annoying. I hate conflict. Right there and then I offer her to pay half of the owed amount, so that she knew that I was at least taking this seriously. She agrees and we call it a day. I pay her half of the amount owed.
20 minutes later I receive a text from an unknown number (turns out to be her older sister) saying that if I don't pay back the full amount (i.e. the £90) she would be calling the police for theft and they would be contacting my university to make a complaint about my character.
I didn't reply and contacted my supervisors immediately. I sent a message to my ex telling her to forget about the £90 as I had no legal obligation to repay her as it was gifted, and that is she was not happy with that, that I will deduct the entire £90 from a £120 phone bill to her number while I was in New Zealand (that she didn't know about and wasn't going to know about it either).
I sent her a final message saying that I would no longer be accepting any form of communication from her and her family, and that she would get the last payment on the 5th of February (not the £90). We haven't spoken since.
So, reddit, IATA for:
\- Saying I'd give my ex-gf back £90 in gifts that she had given me during the relationship, and then taking that offer back when I was threatened with her sister going to the police and defaming me professionally
​
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole
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{
"description": "being indecisive about wanting to see my gf for New Years Eve",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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|
AITA for being indecisive about wanting to see my GF for New Years Eve?
|
Background: I’m (21F) and a college student that’s currently on winter break. I haven’t seen my family since the beginning of last semester which was about a few months ago. My girlfriend (26F) graduated college two semesters ago and is now working. We’ve been together for about 10 months.
So my girlfriend doesn’t really have any friends that remained in our city after they graduated and her mom just moved into another state for a new job. She was devastated that her mom moved away because they have an unusually close relationship and she doesn’t have any other family or friends that’s she’s close to. Shes told me before that she doesn’t have really anybody except for me that’s keeping her in the city. This holiday she was unable to visit her mother because of her job and spent it alone because she didn’t have anyone in our college town. (I live about 6 hours away) the thing is that she doesn’t really like Christmas because of some bad memories/experiences associated with the holiday.
I feel a bit guilty about not getting the chance to spend our first Christmas together. I wanted to make new memories for her to have instead of those negatives ones she has now. But there wasn’t anything I could do as I was too far away to drive up and visit and was with my family that I haven’t seen for months. It made me sad to know that she was going to be alone for the holiday.
The one holiday that she does like to celebrate is New Years Eve because I think that symbolizes new beginnings for her. I think she’s really looking forward to spending it with me, but I don’t know if I want to go? Don’t get me wrong, I do want to see her and I don’t want her to be alone anymore. I want to be with her. However, this is probably the only time I’ll be able to see my family until the next semester. I miss them and want to be able to spend more time with them. I also have a grandfather that’s been diagnosed with cancer and I want to be able to spend as much time with him as possible.
I still have about two weeks left before my break is over and NYE is a couple days away, which means I’ll have about a week alone up in my apartment if I do choose to go up early. There’s really nothing to do up there as none of my roommates will be back until the 7th of January. I feel like that would be wasted time as I could spend that with family. I don’t have a car so I can’t drive back and forth... and the 6 hour drive would be killer as well.
My GF sent me a message the other day basically saying, “don’t worry about spending NYE with me, I won’t be expecting you to spend a holiday with me unless you say something.” That put me into a difficult spot. Of course I want to spend them with her, but I also want to spend the little time I do get to have with my family.
I don’t know what to do, I have today to decide if I want to go or not because she has work off tomorrow and could pick me up early...
AITA for being this indecisive about spending NYE with my girlfriend that I love?
|
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b76l88
|
{
"description": "feeling relief at my brother's husband's death",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for feeling relief at my brother’s husband’s death
|
My brother married his husband 5 years ago.
Both my brother and his husband were addicts. They fueled each other’s addiction and even they said that neither of them would be able to get better with other around.
Brother’s husband also constantly started fights with my family and alienated himself and my brother so there was a period of time where my brother didn’t talk to me when he was once my best friend.
Brother’s husband was also arrested for domestic violence against my brother. My brother says that it isn’t what I think it was but I think he is just trying to protect him because the story he tells doesn’t line up. It was also obvious that brother’s husband was verbally abusive.
Brother’s husband was not all bad, when he was sober he was an alright guy, and my brother did love him.
Brother’s husband recently died due to overdose and the first thing I felt was relief because it meant brother would no longer suffer and maybe he could finally get clean. I feel really guilty for feeling this way. It broke my brother’s heart, but he has been sober since. I know that brother’s husband was somebody’s child, and he had nieces and nephews, and a sister, and like I said was obviously my brother’s husband and best friend. But part of me is still relieved that he is gone. Is that wrong of me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
bOFvSY3BgJmZcEHLbLVIswqdsQnLEywS
|
b0gwb9
|
{
"description": "not wanting to talk on the phone to my fiance",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITAH for not wanting to talk on the phone to my fiance?
|
I (M 25) don't know how often this kind of thing happens I assume it's probably not that uncommon but my fiance (F 20) calls me almost every time she gets in her car to drive somewhere because she's bored, most of the time she doesn't talk about anything specific and will just sit with me on the phone and doesn't want me to hang up until she arrives to her destination. To me this annoying because now I have to stop what I'm doing (to me it doesn't matter what I'm doing, whether it's reading a book, playing videogames or watching TV). Am I the asshole for not wanting her to call me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
6sVZck9hM4WyWi3a0uULqzKCZvp1spzN
|
b2d0z5
|
{
"description": "cancelling my Uber because he was vaping",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for cancelling my Uber because he was vaping
|
I'm 15, and I had to order an Uber but my phone wasn't working. My dad ordered the Uber for me. When he got there, I clearly saw that he was vaping a *lot.* It was an actual vape, not a Juul. He had been waiting outside for maybe ten+ minutes. I told him that I was probably the wrong person and went back inside. My dad yelled at me because clearly he would stop vaping when I went in the car, and vaping is probably odorless anyways, plus I'd made him wait for twenty minutes (it was actually around ten). Still, I ended up taking a different Uber. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
Z1YO8d6GyNo77v83P5MOxk1AUAwNkNxW
|
b2oc9p
|
{
"description": "moving out from my Ex that I'm currently living with",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for moving out from my Ex that I'm currently living with?
|
Bit of context, my Ex broke up with me 3 months ago due to us being unsatisfied with our lives and unable to achieve the level of happiness we need. I brought up the fact I was unsatisfied with our relationship one evening, which gave my ex the queue to pull the plug on us without giving me a chance to negotiate our needs or trying new things. I was stubborn, but accepted her decision that this was what she needed to heal and be happy. We're living together and it's been hard to go day to day, but I'm doing my best to maintain what little of a relationship we have by dropping her off to work, walking her dog, and helping with errands.
Recently, we were playing video games and I saw a notification pop up on her phone from a guy friend. I didn't think anything of it until she got really shifty and cleared the notification as soon as she saw it. She proceeded to tell me it was her friend that helped us move in several months ago, and that they were going to go to SF for a volunteer clean up. I knew about her plans for the weekend, but she neglected to tell me about this mystery man. Now i know she isn't obligated to tell me who she was going with, but it made me suspicious at the least. Then, she asked me what are some things to do in SF, which hit me pretty hard cause our first date was in Golden Gate Park, we've taken multiple trips to fisherman's wharf, and I was dying to take her to Lands End during our relationship but she blew it off.
I told her no, i don't know anything to do in SF. I was emotional and frustrated when all this unraveled, so i waited the following day to ask her what her relationship was with this man. I asked her very bluntly "what is your relationship with him?" And she dodged my question every time. I flat out told her that i think she's infatuated with this guy and she's making an active effort to hide it from me. She avoided that point too, so now I'm convinced. Now any time this issue arises, she breaks out into tears and I'm assumed to play the sympathy role.
I know that were broken up and she has no obligation towards me, but her actions went against the reason why she broke up with me. I really cared for her, but she's really pushing my patience and I'm just about ready to bail out of her life. WIBTA for moving out and leaving her with the rent?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
x7Cw4qnVhPkKa648T3U9OU2cIj5OByrR
|
b3z7tb
|
{
"description": "being vegetarian and not telling people",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being vegetarian and not telling people?
|
At home I am fully vegetarian and have been for about a year, but when someone else is cooking or I'm at a restaurant with other people I eat meat since I don't want to hassle anyone or make them have to change plans or anything. Also I do like meat so like having it occasionally.
I never really talk about it with anyone but recently being vegan/vegetarian came up in converstion with a few friends and I told them that I'm generally vegetarian and they got pretty annoyed that I had never told them about it. I just didn't want them to have to not go to a specific restaurant or anything when they're with me just because I choose to be awkward about what I eat. They said it's not a big deal since most places have vegetarian options but still I don't want to annoy anyone and don't think it should really matter to them how I eat, especially when I do my best to have no effect on how they eat.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
5vxW5bawYrezoDiZbXeraI6nBub7BjNH
|
9yxsu9
|
{
"description": "inviting my aunts to Thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA by inviting my aunts to Thanksgiving
|
I(38m) managed to upset my mom's sisters and my cousins by inviting them all to thanksgiving at my house.
My mom has hosted Thanksgiving dinner for around 30 years with her two sisters and thier families. Since my wife's family is local as well we always have to coordinate around the holidays. In the past we have done Thanksgiving dinner with them on a different day. This year my wife wanted to host Thanksgiving dinner and we invited my in-laws and my mom as well.
Unfortunately my mom decided to host Thanksgiving dinner at her house still. When I reached out to my aunts and cousins to let them know my plans and tell them they are welcome at my house, they shamed me and told me I was jerk and my grandparents would be ashamed of me. I was nearly in tears at work from their responses. I tried to explain that my wife's parents and brothers are important too, and they didn't understand because I won't be at my mom's for Thanksgiving.
I should mention that my dad passed away a few years ago, and my sister moved away leaving my mom living alone. I now live about 10 minutes away from my mom with my wife and 1year old. 2 of my cousins will be driving about 2 hours with kids to my mom's.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
4GX1ycmaJnVzf3YC9b09zZ5Z0V9utIsD
|
aajm28
|
{
"description": "insulting my Cousin",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for insulting my Cousin?
|
Please note I wrote this on a hurry and english is not my mother language, hence the crappy grammar.
Well her we go:
Lets call her F. She is older than me I think by 6 or 7 years, im 17.
So this started because she insulted and physically tried to assault my mother.
A couple of years ago my mother's brother, F's father, died by heart attack. F's relationship with her father was not good, she demanded stuff like she deserved them and treated her father (also my uncle) in a very unsentimental manner.
The night before the funeral my mother had to travel to the city where the burial was going to take place. She had to sleep at my deceased Uncle's house, since she had nowhere to stay.
F and her sister D were also spending the night at the same house. They were having a hard time. I wouldn't blame them, because they were at grief. However when my mother showed up they threw an attitude at her, they strarted throwing things at her and insulting her for showing up. The words they used to insult my mother are not in my knowledge, nevertheless I know they got physical.
My anger when I found out they attempted such actions on my mother (who at the time was around 56yo) and nobody was there to defend her, was staggering. F and her younger sister 'D' insulted my mother and tried to hit her by throwing objects at her, such as: cups, shoes, and other small blunt objects. My mom did thankfully find somewhere else to stay. To avoid such conflicts with D and F.
Nowadays F is living with her boyfriend in italy, she posts pic's on her insta about the places she visits, and the food she eats etc etc.
Yesterday I saw one of her pics from her story, I decided I would send her something and I typed 'coglione' for fun, since I was told it meant 'testicles' in Italian. (this was because the foto that she took was from Food that looked like bull testicles)
I thought she was just going to reply something like "lmao lol" or "haha' whatever. But she went ahead and took it personal, she started asking me If I knew what the word meant.
I told her: 'it means balls right?'
She said: 'no, it means stupid, you should check a dictionary if you are going to say such words in other languages'
I thought, " jeez it was just a comment why is she taking it so serious? "
I told her, well italian is not that hard to understand (since spanish is my mother language) and 'coglione' really sounds like 'cojones' in spanish, which stands for testicles.
I did own my mistake and said I did not know that. I told her I was told (by people who know italian) it meant 'balls'.
She later said: 'I speak perfect italian, you don't.'
Yes its true, I did not say otherwise, but I do know she has a braggy attitude and an arrogant way of acting.
So I told her: 'well italian is not that hard to learn, compared to German (a language im fluent in) italian is way easier for me' (since spanish speaking etc.) I was not trying to brag, I just wanted to tell her I could learn too.
She later did not respond, but I felt guilty for somehow insulting her someway. I really did not try to insult her, although in the past I did think about confronting her for insulting my mother that night.
I feel a pinch of guilt on me and I wanted an opinion on the matter.
Im sorry for the long post, be honest AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
PwSrluMUlfmpx2GACGkiFSFQS1xT13Hq
|
aomj0i
|
{
"description": "telling my bf to stop bringing up his last minute opinion over our partnered school work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my bf to stop bringing up his last minute opinion over our partnered school work
|
For context, I get incredibly anxious doing anything presentation related. This isn't a secret.
So that puts me, my bf five minutes from doing our presentation. I was super stressed out about it, and my bf knew full well about that. Then he makes a comment about the music I picked didn't really match up well with certain parts of the presentation. When its clearly too late to change it. I stress out majorly because he's 100% right and I honestly felt like I was gonna throw up. I tough it up and we do it, class ends shortly after.
I don't remember the exact comment but basically my response was "I don't know why you have to bring it up when its too late", and an argument happens. This happens in front of our friend(She'll come in later).
To sum it up, my argument was that he has done this before, it really stresses me out, and I don't know why he does it when he knows it does. His argument was that he hadn't thought about it until then and about the times he's pointed it out(before its too late) and I don't change anything. At the end I basically told him to stop giving his opinion on our partnered work last minute and walked off before he could reply.
Within 30 minutes we had apologized and made up, no hard feelings.
But that's were our friend came in. She heard it all and later that day sent me several texts telling me I had been a bitch, I was being controlling/manipulative by telling him that, I shouldn't have stormed off, shouldn't have brought up past stuff, etc etc. Basically calling me an asshole for bringing it up and because of the things I said.
And even though my bf and I made up, I can't get over her opinion on it. I knew that I probably should have handled it better, but I didn't think I was really the asshole in the situation and all the stuff she said.
So reddit, AMIT?
TLDR: BF told me an opinion on a partnered presentation five minutes before we went, stressed me out majorly. We argued, I told him to stop giving his opinion last minute. We made up with no hard feelings, but friend later said I was the asshole. Am I?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
3V776TFrP7mbIBx5Efzlst7bwxVTMFfv
|
apo1oa
|
{
"description": "pretty much ruining my sisters dream and accidentally inferring she's ugly because I don't want her to turn down a more viable opportunity",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for pretty much ruining my sisters dream and accidentally inferring she's ugly because I don't want her to turn down a more viable opportunity?
|
This is a really complicated situation but i'll break it down the best I can
​
So my sister is a high-school senor who has dreams of being a model. My parents have put a lot of time and money into helping her achieve this since she entered into high school. Coached, classes, makeup, etc. Here's the issue though, my sister is not model materiel. When I say this I mean it in the nicest way possible. She's not an artistic person and can't design or do makeup. Along with this she's pretty "normal" looking and pretty much doesn't stand out at all and is not the kind of girl who would survive in a cut throat industry like modeling.
​
I'm not the only one who thinks this either. 3 coaches have dropped her because she just doesn't have what it takes to survive in this industry. My parents refuse to tell her why they dropped her but I know for a fact her last coach pretty much begged my parents to not let her enter into this industry. And I quote, "She will not survive and will be eaten alive".
Despite all of this my parents still think that she can do it. To be fair to them, their only doing this because they love her. She has her heart set on this and I think it would break them if they hurt her telling her she can't.
​
Well, my sister is graduation in this spring and wants to go to modeling school in the fall. My parents are trying to save every penny to send her despite the fact that me and her prior coach have both disagreed. I've really tried to be nice about this up until this point. Supporting her despite my opposing view, that was until last week. Last Friday my family was informed my sister all but confirmed to get a full ride in scholarships if she chooses to go to college. She's always excelled in academics, she got a 34 on the ACT and has a perfect gpa. As someone who is paying for college I think this is honestly a life changing opportunity for her. But, she's planning on turning them down and going to modeling school.
​
When I heard this I was furious. I told my parents they need to tell her now what her coaches said but they refuse. Citing that she can "chase her dream". Well, I don't think she should be chasing a dream off a cliff.
​
So, last night I sat her down and told her the truth. I showed her the comments her past teachers made including the letter from her last coach. I also told her that she just "wasn't right" for this industry and told her my opinions very bluntly. I may have gone a bit too hard during this I will be honest, but I don't think this is a matter to be taken lightly. This did not go well. My sister freaked out and pretty much yelled at me for "calling her ugly" and ranted about how I'm awful before running off in tears. I haven't seen her since and my parents have asked me to stay away from her for now. From hat my dad told me though she's an emotional wreck.
​
I feel bad about this honestly. But, I feel it was justified and needed. I would rather she learns this now than latter while she has an opportunity given to her like this. And honestly, if she hates me her whole life but can live it i'm fine with that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
gOpnDehEYUbG9AmQUvTmyN8GmOUHjo72
|
awpsst
|
{
"description": "leaving a note on someone's illegally-parked car, apologising for hitting their car - when I hadn't actually hit their car",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for leaving a note on someone's illegally-parked car, apologising for hitting their car - when I hadn't actually hit their car?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
|
B5MO3DR8hjhF0OPlVfUJwAOQRRB8plQ0
|
a4dv70
|
{
"description": "dropping dog shit in front of my neighbours' driveways",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for dropping dog shit in front of my neighbours' driveways?
|
I live in a quiet, chill neighbourhood. It's a lot of "my grandmother lives 2 houses down and my brother lives 1 block away" etc. Very much a "this is the way things are around here" kind of neighbourhood. Everyone knows everyone else's dog and whatnot.
I am one of the only houses on the block that doesn't have a dog. My neighbours in every direction have dogs, and 2 of them just let their dogs run around unattended all day to do whatever they want.
Every single time I mow grass, I have to stop to pick up several piles of shit. I got tired of it, and now I just drop the piles in front of the driveways of people who I know let their dogs run around. When confronted, they say "my dog would never do that."
Am I the asshole for not believing them? It's BS that the house with no dog has the most dog shit in the yard.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
gk7VRmX6f1K5iqyj6cYjXxv84zQAMEHR
|
b0blvi
|
{
"description": "not completing my model boataida",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not completing my model boatAIDA
|
First time posting here. Im not entirely sure if this belongs here. (please tell if it does not).
​
About a year ago i was obsessed with models of planes and boats. I was just a beginner when my birthday arrived. On that birthday i recieved a large model boat to construct. I was ecstatic. I sat down a week after my birthday and started to build the model. It was way out of my skill level so i gave up. The model was really expensive btw. It was something around 4 000kr (400$).
​
Shortly after this my mother started bugging me to finish the set. This kept going on for a few weeks and i started feeling pretty bad for finishing the model. After a while this feeling started to turn into spite so i completely ingored the model.
​
My mother then confronted me when she saw i had not worked on the model. The conversation went along about like this: (paraphrasing a bit)
​
Mom: Why havent you finished the model?
Me: Well its a bit advanced for me.
Mom: Your cousins paid good money for that model!
Me: I know but i cant finish it even if i tried!
Mom: How do you know that?
(there is a rating on the box of the model for diffuculty 1 - 5. This boat was a 5. Up until this point i had only done 1 and 2.)
Me: There is a diffuculty rating on the box right here scaling 1 - 5. This is a 5!
Mom: Does that stop you from trying?
Me: I guess.
​
I never did go back to finish it. I feel like i wasted my cousins time and money to get it for me. So am i the asshole for not finishing the model and essentially wasting my cousins money? The boat the model is based on is called AIDA. Kinda funny huh?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
PUwaBGC9nmXnV1KA6PyAah9Nkm7RI80j
|
az6jpg
| null |
AITA-Do I deserve to be paid or am I being entitled?
|
I posted on here a few weeks ago. I was pet sitting for this family and I fucked up the dates, so instead of sitting from Friday to Wednesday, I was only able to Friday to Tuesday morning. She was understandably upset and I apologized sincerely quite a few times. We agreed upon $75 a day.
When she came home though, she was avoiding me. I eventually ran into her when I was out to eat with family and my boyfriend. (Well, her daughter who really likes me saw me and ran up to me.) I asked about being paid (I tried to start it by saying “sorry if this sounds inappropriate but...”) and the next day I went over to collect the money.
I rang on the door bell, and the daughter came up and said to wait there. Then a few minutes later, her son said that she’s kinda busy and to go in the back. I thought it was weird to send your children to the door but I was like “alright whatever”.
I go into the back and wait a few minutes. I needed to pee so I open the door and was about to ask to use the restroom when I heard from the mom, “[my name] is here! I don’t want to deal with her! You deal with her!” And I fucking yeeted out of there and closed the door.
Her husband who I see more often than her (he’s a stay at home dad) hands me $100. I ask if everything is okay and he said “She is very mad, but I don’t wanna get involved.”
Admittedly, I was pretty pissed. We agreed upon $75 a day, and I worked for 4 days, so I got cheated out of $200.
I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, because they were about to go to the movies and they probably needed some spare cash. I text her on Tuesday and ask “hey when should I come over for the $200?” She responds “We agreed upon $50 a day and you bailed after 2 days.”
I was really mad but I calmly said “you said $75 a day, and it was 4.”
She said she was on a business trip and we’d talk about it Sunday.
At first I thought this was unfair, but the more I think about it, the more I think maybe I deserve it? I did fuck up the dates, but at the same time I worked so hard.
So yeah, am I being an entitled asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
rtK58Tn777InFB0EPVkY1yag5nsKjUQW
|
abywh2
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend to apologize before I speak to her again",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend to apologize before I speak to her again?
|
So basically, my girlfriend, G, and I were making lunch. Her older sister, S, (that my girlfriend doesn’t really get along with) got mad at something G said. The two sisters started having a yelling match until eventually G said “you know what, I’m don’t even want to eat lunch any more” and stormed off.
Seeing as I’ve seen this type of thing before, I assumed she would still want to eat, so spent the next 10 minutes finishing off her lunch and making it just how she likes it. Next minute she comes back in, looks at her food, says “I said I didn’t want to eat” and threw all the food I made in the trash - and then stormed off again.
I was pretty shocked and kind of hurt, so I finished making my lunch, and went to her room. When I came in I told her “that was a really horrible thing that you did, and I’m not talking until you apologize”.
Fast forward to now, she told me that I’m the one who’s the asshole because we had agreed that we would talk about the problems we have with each other. And by telling her she needed to apologize I was asserting my power over her and the relationship.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
qjEccJModForC0k7025DCvUdedq2hAHu
|
au316z
|
{
"description": "looking up my Cherokee ancestor",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for looking up my Cherokee ancestor?
|
Me, on a forum for researching Cherokee genealogy (summarized), with actual quotes in quotation marks. I provide background on an ancestor with questionable heritage, and link to a series of 8 800-page reports by the Commission of Indian Affairs over 12 years containing entries on their handling of a civil dispute my ancestor had with the Cherokee Nation dismissing their claim.
Them: "Whose picture is on the cover? Looks way more like Plains Tribe than Cherokee by the dress. I read the Report. Rejected." [Yep I'm sure you read all 6400+ pages in two seconds]
Me: "I have no idea whose picture it's supposed to be but if you google these reports they are absolutely legitimate. I think the picture is from a book cover that released a compilation of these reports in a published format."
Them: "I see zero reason to conclude Cherokee so far."
Me: "Again, not what I'm after."
Them: Let's do this the correct way and research back from your grandparents.
Me: I don't need you to go back from my grandparents. I've already confirmed back to [much closer] generation. (More links about how the Cherokee don't give an F what your bloodline is, and how the US has no say in who gets to be Cherokee, so they uphold the Cherokee denial of citizenship).
Them: They were rejected bc they didn't have the proper [Cherokee registry] connection [recorded a hundred years after she was supposed to have left the tribe].
Me: I'm trying to confirm [X]'s parents, "whoever they may be, and their parents, whoever they may be. I do understand and do not expect to substantially connect them to any of the legitimizing rolls or other more contemporary documents typically used for identification for these purposes, since she was supposed to have relocated and her children assimilated so early in the colonizer's history."
Them: "I don't believe you will find the documentation you are looking for"
Me: "That's disappointing. You're saying this is a dead end? What sources have you searched so far?"
Them: "If Rejected it means Not Cherokee"
Me: "Have you read anything I've said? It would not make sense for her to be on any of these [registries] and I wouldn't expect her to be. Can we get past the gatekeeping and help me find my ancestors? I don't care what her ethnicity is"
Them: "There is no Gate keeping. You have a Cherokee Story. It's basically BS. That's the honest Truth. We look up Cherokee in this Group and no we cannot find her if no records exist but if they do they are not Cherokee Records."
Me: "You haven't looked up anything. Please tell me what sources you've searched so far. You literally dismissed a report published by the Department of the Interior by its cover."
Them: If you want research, we start with grandparents. Names, dates...
Me: I provided them!
Them: "We already know your Family was rejected. That's proof enough for us."
Thread locked.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
k7ku5Imf7n7Xba2g4iTFi521fFuBvOxW
|
aa8bas
|
{
"description": "looking through my girlfriends phone after she lied to me about talking to her ex all day",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for looking through my girlfriends phone after she lied to me about talking to her ex all day
|
So basically I stayed the night at my girlfriends house last night, she works early in the morning and her phone was on that do not disturb mode. She asked me to help her fix it and as I was attempting her ex sent her a message on instagram. I guess on christmas he messaged her saying merry christmas or something and she said it back. Then this morning he was basically saying how he needs her and misses her. She told me that she wasn't going to respond then blocked him infront of me and told me that I could take her instagram login if I wanted it. I said no because I trusted her not to message him again. Well turns out she was msging him all day, which she admitted when I confronted her about it over video chat. (this was before I looked through her phone) She started crying on video so I asked if I could come over and she said yes. We started talking about it a little while after I got here and she showed me the messages she wanted me to see. Basically apologized said she doesn't know why she would msg him yada yada.I went to the bathroom came down and she was asleep. I snooped through her phone, I know I shouldn't have and honestly at this point it doesn't matter cause I don't think I can ever trust her again. But she straight up talked to her ex all day and lied to me about it.
​
TL;DR- Girlfriend started talking to her ex over dm's, lied to me about talking to him all day, and I basically think its over between us because she made me lose her trust in her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
XgNE59pc7XpVPzejaDjmK7U9aseib3Lo
|
apdm7d
|
{
"description": "asking my friend if something is wrong",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my friend if something is wrong?
|
A week ago, I moved out of the place we both lived in. He helped me move. Everything seemed cool the day of the move, but the couple of weeks leading up to it had felt off between us. The day I was leaving I realized I didn't have anywhere to put my mini fridge until I unpacked some things. He offered to bring it to me in a couple of days and I accepted.
It ended up pouring rain on the day he'd originally said he'd bring it over. He never showed, and neither of us talked about it. I was fine with that because honestly, who wants to move shit in the rain?
I asked him a few days later if he could bring it on the weekend. He said he was going to work overtime, so he couldn't. I said okay, no problem, planning to go get it myself. Then my hip was absolutely killing me for the next couple of days, so I asked if he'd reconsider because I wouldn't be able to move it myself. I offered him cash for his trouble. No reply. I tried calling once about 6 hours later. Ignored.
I ended up asking my new roommate if she was willing to come help instead. I hadn't wanted to because she's repeatedly told me she's not strong and hates moving, but she agreed. While there, my friend saw me and didn't really acknowledge me.
I called him when I got home but again, no answer. So I sent a text asking if something was wrong between us. Still nothing. Haven't reached out since because I don't want to nag. But did I push it too far already? Could I have offended him by asking if he'd reconsider?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
hIn4wCge5giTfUJoBPO77k1WQOSQ3hAk
|
ac1tb6
|
{
"description": "asking cab driver to move vehicle a bit forward so I can park, he did not, said I had more than enough space to park. I told him off",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking cab driver to move vehicle a bit forward so I can park, he did not, said I had more than enough space to park. I told him off.
|
So here's the scenario. There's a couple of spots available next to my workplace where me and my colleagues park. This morning, when I arrived there was a cab parked with the driver inside the vehicle.
I don't have a rear camera, so its difficult for me to reverse park, and there was a vehicle behind me. I honked a couple of times (one honk didn't work for him) and indicated for him to move his vehicle forward, as it was completely clear ahead of him and it would make things easier for me.
He moved a little bit, but not as much as I would have liked. I tried a couple of times to park, now I'll admit that my reverse parking prowess is not up to mark and if I were a better driver I should have been able to park within the provided space, but I wasn't able to. So I honked again, but he did not budge. So I got out of my car and asked him to move the vehicle. He retorted that there was more than enough space for me to park the vehicle and that I was bad at parking (true :( ). So I got back inside and somehow managed to park with extreme difficulty. At this point, I was so angry, that after parking I told him off, something along the lines of "I was in difficulty, you saw that, you could have moved the vehicle forward but you did not, that is completely egoistic in your part" (not the best choice of words I meant selfish). He kept insisting that I was a bad parker. Anyway, now that my anger is somewhat abated, I have a sinking feeling that I might have overreacted, so AITA?
Here's an [image](https://imgur.com/a/aUZnXOM) of the space available to me after he moved his vehicle, as you can see he was right.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
rEh4XSyItwcE4skX7Rol4Ny7jc3dczTZ
|
al6w4c
|
{
"description": "disagreeing with my girlfriend's policies on \"drinking and driving?\"",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for disagreeing with my girlfriend's policies on "drinking and driving?"
|
My girlfriend (19F) and I (21M) have been together for around 5 months now. We go to the same college and live <10 minutes by car from one other, so we have many opportunities to stay at each other's houses and go on dates.
My girlfriend has a strict no drinking and driving policy, and I understand where she is coming from with this. I would never even THINK about driving drunk. However, my girlfriend becomes uncomfortable if I want to have a single beer even if it's an hour or so before we leave my place/wherever we're at on a date. She makes it very clear she's not comfortable with it, giving me questioning glances and saying things like "aren't you going to drive?" Ect.
Now I get it. Many of you are probably thinking I'm the asshole here for making my girlfriend a passenger with me after I've drank. However, I'm a 6' tall guy and I weigh about 200 lbs on a good day. Especially if I have food in my stomach, one beer over the course of an hour is barely going to make a dent in my BAC. We like to go to a lot of concerts and whatnot and I suffer from some mild social anxiety, so a beer can really make a night out for me much more enjoyable. It's not even worth it though when I have to deal with the subsequent guilt trip when I absolutely feel that I am in the right. The government has decided that if someone's BAC is under 0.08, they are not at a level of impairment that makes them a danger on the road. I have explained this to her several times, and it only further frustrates me that her arguments aren't based on facts or logic, but rather on feelings.
To top it all off, I am the one who drives us pretty much everywhere, and I can't even remember the last time she offered to drive us some place. What's the verdict guys, AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
DRklJtW4tHgGXO2t1OgqzYuytSpPELc4
|
b29fp4
|
{
"description": "wanting to volunteer at a hockey game rather than be with my mom",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to volunteer at a hockey game rather than be with my mom?
|
I (M17) am in this thing called the fire explorers, it’s where you basically learn what it’s like to be a firefighter and I absolutely love it. This weekend there is going to be a hockey game, my city’s police station vs the fire station, and one of the firefighters asked if I would be able to help with minor activities such as concessions, auctions, etc. as a fundraiser for gear since ours is old and falling apart. However, my mom is coming to visit me for the whole weekend and she wants to be with me the whole day from 6am to 9pm. I asked her if she would like to come to the hockey game, but she’ll only go if I’m not going to help with the “minor activities.” I just want to know if I’m in the wrong for not wanting to spend time with my mom and help with my fire station.
Also, the next time I see my mom will be in June, thanks for any advise.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
tjhzNJkFpve8bt2DaABbIs7SNXJTESGB
|
ayh1oa
|
{
"description": "wanting to calm down before hanging out with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to calm down before hanging out with my girlfriend?
|
I work for a moving company, and it's a lot of physical work with inconsistent hours. When I get home, I like to relax, cause my body hurts a lot.
Last night I got home and my girlfriend and I discussed dinner plans, went and got supplies, and had dinner together. I had plans to play a game with my friend at 8.
Girlfriend takes a bath after dinner while I play a different game in the meantime. She was in the bath for about an hour and my friend didn't get on until later that night.
I get involved in my games emotionally. (anger, joy, sadness, you know) and I got frustrated with the game I was playing. I wear a headset when I play so I don't blare the TV. Girlfriend sat down and was talking really quietly so I told her I couldn't hear her and I took the headset off. I was visably frustrated and was trying to hear her, but she got upset and walked away to the bedroom.
I 5ake about 15-20 minutes to relax and calm down before entering the bedroom to spend some time with her. I didn't want to be frustrated and upset her while hanging out with her.
She got upset about me taking too long to come in there, saying she wanted to hang out with me but never told me, and knew I was also waiting for my friend to get on.
AITA for making her wait for me to calm down a little?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
cB1N5k1sYIctJqvv8kUZcnFmtAvMpHk0
|
amrxsi
|
{
"description": "wiping my hands clean from my mom and sisters",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Wibta if I wiped my hands clean from my mom and sisters?
|
I know the title may be too harsh for the situation, and I only mean it to some extent. They’re my family and I’ll always love and support them when and if I can. Hear me out though.
For the past 4 years my mom has been a single mother. I’ve been helping raise and basically be a second parent to my younger half sisters (their dad isn’t in the picture) since I was 14. Our circumstances and situation are a whole other story, I’ve made my peace and have learned to grow from it.
Long story short, as of now my mom depends on me to do drop offs and pick ups from school, and take care of them until she gets home from work, and also babysit all day over the weekend, mind you, all this while I’m a full time student. Like I said, we’ve made it work, the situation doesn’t bother me.
However, for the past 4 years my 2 sisters, mom and I have been living in a small studio-like apartment. Recently I’ve began getting a steady flow of income and have presented the idea of moving into a bigger apartment to my mom. I’ve been tired of living in this cramped space since we moved in, and I’m ready to get out with or without my mom. Financially, we’re okay to move out. But because of a lot of reasons, we need a co-signer to be able to move into a new apartment. I’ve been trying to find one, asking friends and family if they could help, while my mom just kinda gave up on the whole idea once she found out getting approved would be kind of difficult due to our lack of credit and housing history.
At this point, I’m considering just renting a room somewhere else on my own. Of course this would mean working more hours and with me being a full time student already, I would have no time to babysit or help out with my sisters. My mom can’t afford a babysitter, and it’s Been difficult for her to get approved for low income daycares and after school programs.
The only reason I haven’t moved on my own yet is because 1) I wanted my mom and sisters to be in a more comfortable living situation, and 2) I still wanted to help my mom take care of the kids. At this point though, my mom no longer plans to move and I’m going insane with this lack of space and privacy.
Wibta if I just moved out on my own knowing that that would mean leaving my mom having to struggle more than she already is?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
BoVCZ4B0WXw04C21DdP0Yuk0s5G9XK0k
|
abodds
|
{
"description": "lying/testing someone for a reaction? see post",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for lying/testing someone for a reaction? See post:
|
Parents are out of town for four days.
Have two friends over one day, two friends on another day. Just kicking it, playing music, video games, etc.
Few days later, the same day my parents return. I get a text from my parents telling me to come home right away, given the fact I had just arrived at my destination I was a little upset and asked for what reason. One of my friends had left an empty bag of weed just out in the open in my movie room. I know my friend has extremely strict parents, so I told them it was my bag to help him out of trouble. They’re really pissed at me. I’ve lost access to the basement and my car.
My friend is a little shady sometimes, I can tell he lies about some things. So just as a test, I messaged him saying that he left a bag of weed in my movie theater... no reply.
I wait a bit.
Now I say that my parents are pretty upset and will be contacting his parents for bringing that into their house.
No reply.
Okay, I’ll just wait a day.
No reply.
I was pretty pissed off, and I went online and saw he was playing Fortnite, so obviously he isn’t busy and is choosing to ignore this situation. I decided to take this to the group chat and call him out for acting like a complete chump. As in reality no matter what he says he’s going to be just fine - I already took the blame.
I already put myself through the process of saving this “friends” ass. And someone says that I am being unreasonable, “at the end of the day it’s your house. And if people leave shit in there you have to clean it
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
R4ykqrHiHL6ArrNLUF5fQmg3GB3XKLvj
|
b31iuy
|
{
"description": "not wanting to buy air freshener for my dorm room",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting to buy air freshener for my dorm room?
|
My college roommate is very particular about almost everything, but I'm pretty easy-going so I usually go along with whatever she wants to do with our room. She has noticed a particular odor in our room that, for whatever reason, I usually can't smell. I believe that she smells something, I just can't.
This smell has been bugging my roommate for awhile and we have tried opening the window and using essential oil diffusers to get the smell to go away. In my opinion, those things have worked, but my roommate thinks that we need to start using plug-in air fresheners. I told her that I really don't like plug-in air fresheners because they can be overwhelming, which causes me to have headaches.
So naturally, she bought one anyway. I said that we could try it out, but if I started getting headaches that we would have to stop using it. After a few days I told her that it was too much for me and she got upset and claimed that "it finally eradicated the smell" for her. She then told me that if I didn't like the one she got, I could buy a new one, with a different scent, but I didn't even want an air freshener in the first place.
I don't want my roommate to live in a place that she thinks smells bad, but I also don't want to spend MY money on something that I don't even want. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
6gmTD9CYxY1g0QjpXT7DEfbpqi5nTt4x
|
a5n8ab
|
{
"description": "giving a student a zero for not doing work in class",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for giving a student a zero for not doing work in class?
|
I'm a high school teacher. The class in question is a college-level course. A few days ago, I gave a brief lecture putting a bow on a topic we'd started the previous class, then assigned a short assignment. My memory gets a little hazy here about what I said, but someone asked when it was due and I said something to the effect of "Well, I hope you can get it done by the end of class. It's only X problems."
Every student but one finishes with time to spare. With about 10 minutes left of class, suddenly that one student starts asking for help. The kid, at this point, even asks another student to take a picture of the lecture notes that are on the board because their phone has been taken away by their parents. Another kid goes "Or, you know, you could just write it down?" The first kid does not write anything down.
&#x200B;
At the end of class, I gave everyone who finished credit and gave the kid who didn't a 0. They had completed zero questions.
&#x200B;
By class the next day, the kid has done the work, but is very upset that I have given them a zero. I asked for an explanation for why the work hadn't gotten done in class, and there was no explanation beyond some stammering. I gave lots of help while the other students were working. The other students helped each other while they were working. He chose not to work. I stood by the zero. Everyone else completed the work with no trouble. I still do not understand why the kid was able to get the work done at home, but wasn't able to get it done in class.
&#x200B;
Am I the asshole for giving the kid a zero, even though the deadline was unclear?
PS: Today, after more whining, I just gave in and gave the kid the points. I've had to have parent conferences with this family before and it was clear that this wasn't going to stop. I even told the kid "If these 10 points will be the difference in you letter grade at the end of the term, I'll give them to you." That wasn't good enough. They wanted the points. At this point in the term, I just don't have the energy to continue this fight.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
wFxw8NFgTK9Uuw3nI35zU7AYS5Rze3Ad
|
ak1j87
|
{
"description": "being relentless over a design",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being relentless over a design?
|
My class needed a class tee-shirt design for this year and the chairmans were complaining about only getting 1 design submission so i decided to design 2, one themed space and one themed science.
Originally, i only wanted to design the space one because that was the theme for class decorations and i wanted it to match. The shirt colour was chosen to be turquoise by voting(online survey).
But people who didn't want a turquoise class shirt started saying there were people who voted more than once so we did another voting in class irl and the colour changed to maroon. I was kinda annoyed at this point because the design i had in mind(space) wouldn't match with the new colour. But i asked the vice-chairman what the second most voted for class theme was and it was science.
To make time to make the 2 designs, i had to push back my plans to go CNY shopping with my mum which later on affected my Social Studies grp project.
When i submitted the 2 designs to the vice-chairman, he said the designs would be too expensive to print (limit : $16 per shirt) so he returned the designs to me. I wanted to tell him that the designs could be altered to suit the budget but the next lesson was starting so i didn't get to.
After school, i decided to re-summit my designs to the chairman because i thought they would communicate with each other(other being vice-chairman) about the designs and i could explain about them later on but instead, the chairman posted an online survey containing my designs to the grp chat. I DMed him to inform him that there was a front design he didn't include. After a while, he DMed me asking if my design was rejected by the vice-chairman and i said yes because it was too expensive. I also told him he could just alter the designs to fit the budget.
I know i was wrong for being pushy about my designs but i felt unappreciated for my efforts. I didn't even get a "sorry we can't accept your designs. Thanks for designing though!". The only reason i decided to design was to help them out because there was only one design and they were complaining.
Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
kpLrS1RBHlqVEN65QHMPbfsOCy4TXiB5
|
a038nj
|
{
"description": "ignoring my ex best friend's texts",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
aita for ignoring my ex best friend’s texts
|
I had a roommate who I got very close to and was best friends with for like 4 months. our friendship ended because of a lot of complicated drama involving her accusing my partner of abusing me, her not paying rent for several months, me moving out because I couldn’t afford to pay my rent and hers too, and me eventually flipping my shit on her and saying a lot of cruel things. it was a bad time for everyone involved and we hadn’t spoken in nearly a year.
the other night I got thrown out of my mom’s place while drunk and I needed a ride to somewhere safe. it was like 3 AM so no one I called was awake. I got desperate and called her and she didn’t answer, but I left a message for her telling her that I was sorry for my part in what happened to us.
she texted me the next day and was very angry that I’d come back into her life but wanted to talk things out so we could get closure. I indulged her for a while since she was clearly upset and I felt like it was my fault since I reached out to her after a year of not speaking. however, receiving her texts has made me realize I just don’t care anymore. I feel like I’m too old for this and I’ve changed while she hasn’t, and honestly with the things going on with my family I don’t have the emotional energy to rehash things with her. however, I clearly upset her and I am the one who reached out first. am I obligated to keep talking and give her closure or can I just ghost?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
A2zJXfgdoQieRxBWGjO9Xaumj14RBHsQ
|
axgtr4
|
{
"description": "ignoring girlfriend (ex now?) that went on dating app",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ignoring girlfriend (ex now?) that went on dating app
|
Me (33 Male) has been dating my girlfriend (34 Female) for 8 months. We were going through some tough times and have been seeing a counselor.
&#x200B;
A week ago after a bit of an argument, she insisted on coming over to get some of her clothes. I was planning to leave to go to the gym, and told her not to come at the moment. She insisted upon it, I changed the combo to my garage keypad opener and put her items in a bin for her to pickup because I was planning to leave.
&#x200B;
She came over and was obviously unhappy that I had changed my combo and effectively locked her out of my coming into my condo without me there. I offered to her to speak over the following days, which she refused to and then told me over the phone "I don't feel like we are in a good relationship." I asked her several times if we could meet to talk, and she said she was busy etc.
&#x200B;
Then this last weekend, my friend tells me that he saw her on a dating app. I confronted her about it, and she has no shame and says, "I told you I didn't feel like our relationship is going well." I told her that having issues with our relationship is different then signing up to a dating website while I am actively trying to work things out with you. I am so angry because I had been making an effort to work things out with her, and I really care about her. But I feel like I cannot talk to her after doing something like this. AITA for ignoring her? If I really care about her, should I talk to her ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
DBtk1FsCFguvEehKFT3NxSUgojXafPR3
|
a7oqtl
|
{
"description": "being frustrated about lunchboxes in work fridge",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For being frustrated about lunchboxes in work fridge?
|
It seems almost everyone at my work will put their entire lunchbox (or bag) into the fridge instead of taking the contents out. I always take out the things that need to be kept cool from my bag and put them in the fridge, or bring an ice pack for my lunch box and keep it at my desk. I always go to grab my lunch and have to dig through multiple bags and lunchboxes to get to mine. Am I out of line for being frustrated at this, or is this a normal practice? Interested to hear what others have to say.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
8Ts4jfRXUkoEwG313vbqpaNWRkByADaI
|
atru65
|
{
"description": "cleaning out everything from my roommates' fridge",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I clean out everything from my roommates' fridge?
|
I live in a house with a dozen roommates. We have three full sized fridges for us to share. Since I have been here (about 6 months), the fridges have been completely dysfunctional. No rules, no set spaces. People just throw what they want in there, wherever there is space. Things are rotting in all three fridges. Half empty bottles of sauces clog the shelves. Empty pizza boxes. Honestly, it's embarrassing.
I have no stake in the fridges; I decided early on to live out of my own minifridge which has suited me fine. The few of us who care keep trying to get people to clean out their stuff so we can establish rules, but it has been impossible to get people to move their stuff or label it. Some roommates we don't see for weeks on end too, so it's tough to coordinate. The end result has been dysfunctional fridges for months.
I finally got fed up with it this week. I put a page-sized note on the fridge last Wednesday telling people to move their things out of the fridge by Saturday or it will be thrown out. I posted on our FB group saying the same thing. I talked to all the roommates I could warning them about it (maybe half). Most didn't even have anything in the fridge, all were happy that I was going to finally do something about it.
This is all well and good, but I talked to one of my roommates this evening. And he refuses to move his stuff. We got into a bit of an argument. I asked him to move whatever he had in there. He told me that he was busy and that he didn't want to. I asked him to at least show me what was his so I could stash it aside, but he refused again, this time saying that he wasn't exactly sure what was his. He got mad, saying that I didn't have his consent to clean the fridge, and since I don't have a stake in the fridge I should just leave it alone for them to deal with. He shut the door in my face.
I was fuming at this point. Got a text later from our landlord telling me not to throw away any food.
I'm pretty confused here. I don't have a stake in the fridges but I hate the mess on principle. Plus others in the House would appreciate it. So AITA here for wanting to clear out a fridge?
I'm pretty sure I'm not, so then, WIBTA if I do it anyways? If I just fucking deep clean the fridge and throw everything away. I've been trying for months to get people to cooperate. I gave my roommates 3 days to do the simple task of moving their shit so I can do the hard work. I'm fed up and I just want a clean fridge and I don't see any other alternatives. If I leave it longer, people will start storing things in there again and I'll be back at square one. I'm doing them a favor!
What should I do?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
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