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ld54UZxDovBlK9hcGnigzeWzvv2iqLHI
|
ayl5ma
|
{
"description": "wanting to temporarily cut all contact with my best friend after his girlfriend based our friendship on lies",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting to temporarily cut all contact with my best friend after his girlfriend based our friendship on lies?
|
He will probably see this but anyway, my best friends girlfriend for a year and I started talking and became really good friends last fall. He and she were the absolutly closest friends I've ever had. I've been batteling with depression for the last couple of years and I always felt that they made it better. I always made sure they were okay with talking about such a heavy topic and tried to leave room for them to take breaks. I did not want to be a depressive burden. But they were often supportive even though I explicitly told them not to do anything if they don't feel like it. I apprechiated honesty over faked support.
Fast forward to last week when I tried meeting up with his girlfriend. She made excuses and I eventually called her out and asked if she didn't want to meet. She told me she was cutting off a lot of people and that it wasn't personal. She just needed a break. I thanked her for her honesty and respected that she wanted to be alone.
Later that week she met up with another mutual friend, I asked about the cutting off and that it was hard to not take it personal when I seemed to be the only one she wanted to cut off. She told me she lied. She wanted to stop speaking with me, I started questioning if our whole friendship was built on lies. If she ever even liked me or just felt responsible to help my depression. A lot went through my head and I needed a break, I didn't wan't to think about this at all. I told my friend about it and how i'm cutting contact with him and his girlfriend to be able to focus on other things and not be anxious about my trust issues. I tried explaining and he told me to go to hell. I dont want to hurt either of them, I just feel like I need a break.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
kZqXlkUz00C5BPXpPAumvRORfVCWkMjb
|
ayzg9x
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay my 'pregnant' friends rent",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay my 'pregnant' friends rent?
|
* So I live in shared housing with 5 other people while I study at university and contract renewal for next year is due. The landlord only requires 3 people to sign for the house to be secured for next year and I was not one of those people as I was unsure what my plans were for next year.
* Anyway over the summer one of my friends got a girl pregnant and he plans to move back home to support the family. I really respect him for making the best of a 'bad' situation but at the same time it''s left the rest of us in a jam.
* The house is now a person short and if he backs out at the last minute it could cost us all an extra £600 a month which most of us simply cannot afford.
* Now in my eyes he has signed the contact and is therefore liable to pay it however i believe he can contact the landlord and cancel the contract as we didn't all sign.
* The part that makes me feel like an ass hole is that he is my friend and I want the best for him but by no fault out our own 4 of us are having to pay an extra £600 we can't afford for his 'mistakes'.
* I really want to support my friend but at the same time I feel like the financial burden should't fall on us.
* So AITA for holding him to his commitment while he has a child due?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
LMQaq869QM9yRti0ywUeL0GFvN7r1KCb
|
aplwlr
|
{
"description": "watching a tv show without my so",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for watching a TV show without my SO?
|
My gf and I are huge Game of Thrones fans. In the past we’ve always watched the show together, invited over friends, I would provide the beer, and she would cook a bunch of food for everyone to eat since she loves cooking and trying new recipes.
We both always had weekends off so this was never an issue before. But since the last season she’s gotten a new job as a flight attendant - and she’s gone for sometimes up to 5 to 6 days at a time, which includes Sunday’s.
Today we were discussing the upcoming new season and she said that I better wait to watch it with her when she’s out of town or she’ll be mad at me. I told her I wouldn’t mind putting it off a day or two but if she happens to be out of town for a week I don’t know if I want to wait. It’s not just about the anticipation, I’m not that impatient. But I’d have to avoid social media (including reddit) because I don’t want to be spoiled before I see the episode. I talk to a lot of my friends about game of thrones too and I’ve always watched it live so chances are they may assume I’ve seen the episode and spoil it.
She was really upset by this especially because she is the one who originally got me into the show to begin with, and always saw it as our thing. Which is true but I also enjoy getting together with friends and viewing the episode, which in this case would only be an option if she is in town.
I offered to watch it on FaceTime or Skype with her but she says she doesn’t want to miss out on the get togethers and she enjoys more than just the show but other aspects (cooking for people and drinking, which she doesn’t do “on the job”).
I told her that it’s selfish to expect not only me but all of our friends to hold off on watching the new episode until she gets back from her trips. She said it’s not “trips” it’s work and if I were working she would wait for me to watch the episode together. And that she’s not dating our friends she’s dating me so they don’t have to wait but if I don’t wait for her I am being disrespectful. I told her she’s being over dramatic about this whole thing and now she is pissed.
Am I the asshole here or is she being unreasonable?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ahl83g3hhRVbsEUiiLtUJgDl2UPucbf5
|
atsyeu
|
{
"description": "requesting my new roommates pay higher rent than us",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for requesting my new roommates pay higher rent than us?
|
I don't live in the USA, and I hid the actual numbers for privacy reasons.
backstory: we are foreigners who don't live in our home country. Brother and I used to live with our parents. We decided to move out because we were getting emotionally abused. Our situation wasn't the best, but we managed to find a place after a while, and we lived semi frugally pay check to pay check to be able to afford living by ourselves. Brother had furniture and we set the whole place up with all the needed appliances (Fridge, couches, TV, microwave...etc. All high end if that matters).
Some months later I got a 25% raise, so I wanted to help my friend (Let's call him L) from my home country to come to the country I live in and find work. I paid for his visa, ticket and all expenses until he got up on his feet so he'd live with us and help with the rent and all. We expected L to find a job that pays around 75% of my salary (Expected salary for new graduates) but by a stroke of good luck he found a job that almost doubles my salary.
After he got the job, we agreed that L and I would pay around 40% of the rent each, and my brother would pay around 20%. I calculated and kind of decided everything as L and my brother don't like to discuss money matters and they weren't very familiar with each other. I kind of made that choice because I didn't want to cause issues, and because the furniture is brother's so it makes sense for him to pay less.
Now, L wants to help our other friend (Let's call him H) the same way. We were discussing how the rent distribution is gonna be, and they wanna split it evenly between the 4 of us. I gave it some more thought and I think it's unfair that we'd split the rent evenly between the 4 of us, when my brother and I were the ones that got the deal on the place, set it all up with furniture and appliances, and if not for my help he wouldn't have found a job or be able to help our other friend (I know it's an asshole thought, but I wanna be honest. Thought does come up often on my mind).
Right now, I think that L and H paying 33% of rent each is fair. It even got me to rethink the original arrangement 3 of us had, and I think L paying around 50% of rent, instead of both of us paying the same amount, is fair too, all things considered. I deduced these prices by comparing our living space with similar ones in our city, and I don't think they will find any better offers, especially considering the readily available furniture and appliances. Excluding the peace of mind as our living space is a section of a villa, and not a room inside an apartment like most other living spaces are (We don't share same kitchen/Bathroom with other residents as apartment roommates would, and we have our own entrance). I should mention they can afford these rents with no issues, I used to pay more than the amount I suggest with less salary.
AITA for thinking about the whole thing this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
5KeY5fXSpk0PP7UwUUNtqjBOAqHrB8qi
|
b3gjj3
|
{
"description": "expecting my brother to tell his kids to be quiet when we are conversing on phone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For expecting my brother to tell his kids to be quiet when we are conversing on phone.
|
I get along great with brother. But he doesn’t correct his little kids or ask them to be quiet when we talk in person or phone. Eventually I get frustrated because it is louder more obnoxious on my end. If I say something, he gets annoyed like, “well you called me.” AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
0YSUv8ltNWWUxxt6XOJ9Tu4VvOkJRmK1
|
an9oj9
|
{
"description": "not just getting my package from the store it was delivered to",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not just getting my package from the store it was delivered to
|
I live in an apartment above a store. There's two doors from the street; one to get into the store one that goes to my apartment (unit 2). My door is clearly marked with "unit 2" and the street address on it, not 10 ft from the store entrance which is clearly a store. Several months ago when I first moved in I got a package delivered from amazon's carrier to the store instead of my apartment. Once I realized that's where the missing package likely ended up I went down to the store and the store owner I'd never met was shockingly annoyed that he had to deal with handing me this box because he was far too busy in his completely empty store. Went off a rant about how it was not his job to keep track off my boxes and I better make sure this never happens again. Kept on rambling even as I was walking out. (Seriously can't believe how much of a dick he was about such a minor inconvenience if you can even call it that.)
​
So I called amazon's custom support told them that it had been delivered to the wrong door and we both confirmed that the delivery address was indeed unit 2 she told me they'd send a message to the carrier that it had been delivered to the wrong place and to make sure future delivery's were sent to the door marked unit 2. Additionally I added a delivery instruction "make sure to deliver to the door marked unit 2 and not the store". I received a couple future packages from UPS and FEDEX without any issue. When I was picking up one of the packages the driver even mentioned the note, saying it had been helpful so the drivers clearly do see them, though I can't see why it's not clear in the first place this doesn't seem like all that unusual of a scenario for a delivery man.
​
Today the status of my package sent via amazon's carrier changed to "handed to resident" when I, the only resident in my apartment, was not handed any package and there was none outside of my apartment. Assumingly it was handed to the store again. I called amazon custom support told them I never got the package that was supposedly handed to me in person and they just said "maybe he scanned it and forgot to deliver it call back if you don't have it tomorrow."
​
Clearly the amazon carrier is at fault here but AITA for not just getting my package? Besides just not wanted to deal with the store owner again I want to make sure this never happens again and if I get it from downstairs I'm sure next package will be dropped off there again. On the other hand there's also the chance, that seems pretty likely, no ones going to investigate the missing package and the same deliver guy will just drop off the replacement to the store again (plus it's obviously wasteful).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
T7qblxlquWfLowke6lntvoa9JP3vGyFo
|
aok22a
|
{
"description": "showing up to a show with a guest after telling another friend (who is my ex) that I wasn't going in order to avoid his friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I showed up to a show with a guest after telling another friend (who is my ex) that I wasn't going in order to avoid his friends?
|
My ex and I get along incredibly well, he's actually one of my best friends. Let's call him Jon for now. We both support a band that some mutual acquaintances of ours play in and have gone to every single show together. Tonight the band is having a performance and he asked me if I was interested in going since it is so close after I get out of work.
​
I said I was iffy because I'm behind on a few projects for work and possibly had dinner plans, but I would update him the week of. On Wednesday, I told Jon I might go because I caught up pretty well and asked if he was going.
​
He said yeah, but he invited his roommate. I was happy because the headcount for each band is really important for them being able to get booked and his roommate is a nice enough guy. Then he tells me he invited five or six other people and they are close friends of his.
​
Now Jon's friends are very nice people, I only saw them a handful of time while we were dating and they really liked me. But while they are kind they don't ever seem to respect that myself and my ex are not getting back together. They make commentary about us in a romantic way that makes me uncomfortable which my ex just brushes off as them busting his balls. I'm a socially anxious person already, so those kinds of things set me into full panic mode and I avoid accompanying Jon to outings with people that were close when we dated.
​
So I hear this and I kind of panic so I try to make myself sound flakey, but Jon picks up on this and asks if now I'm going to avoid going because his friends are going. I lie and say no, but he knows how I feel about them so he doesn't believe me. Through the phone I can hear him sigh kind of heavy and he says that he hates that I do this. Now Jon isn't the only person I do this to because of anxiety (curse my social butterfly friends), but he is definitely the one I do it the most to.
​
Not long after he hangs up on me with some excuse that his roommate got home.
​
Yesterday I messaged him that I had a new project and I wasn't showing up. He replied that two of his friends, a really sweet couple, said that was too bad and that they miss me.
​
I feel bad about not going because I know its an important show for the band, so I figured I can compromise by bringing a friend with me so I won't be left alone with Jon's group.
​
But... it is going to be very obvious that I'm coming out with someone in order to avoid being with his friends and there is a 75% chance that he'll be upset. And the only person I can go with is a female friend of mine that Jon really doesn't like. (Kind of a central figure to me breaking up with him)
​
WIBTA to show up with her in order to avoid being alone with his friends?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
0pxfSFfW924izHdEWcRDtsY5pdV5tQM1
|
ar583n
|
{
"description": "being around my friends when I'm feeling super down",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being around my friends when I'm feeling super down
|
I've been struggling with anxiety/depression lately which has been exacerbated by stress from it being my last year in grad school, trying to find a job, just stopped seeing a guy I was causally seeing, a reoccuring eating disorder, & just generally not in a good head space. Quite a lot of those things escalated in the last couple weeks especially. As a result, I haven't been in the most cheerful mood; mostly just feeling really down/stressed.
I admittedly can be bad about asking for help when I need it, but many of my friends have been very supportive of me recently, & I sincerely appreciate it. But it also weirdly makes me feel like I'm being an asshole for being around my friends when I just feel like a big buzz kill? It kind of makes me feel like an ass for having people extend such kindness to me when I don't think I'm a particularly pleasant person to be around atm & I wouldn't want to lose any friendships because of it. I don't know if it would just be better to not be an annoyance to people until I can get myself together a bit more, if that makes sense.
I'm not totally sure if this is the right place for this post, but many of the responses here seem to be insightful & I just want to know if I'm being too in my head about this or if I'm being an asshole for subjecting the people I care about to my poor mood/attitude?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
YcPISopl9shf4iJRPKu6iPSu3MfjL7oJ
|
ba6fpa
|
{
"description": "my friend changing his plans at the last minute on a mutually agreed and scheduled gaming session",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for my friend changing his plans at the last minute on a mutually agreed and scheduled gaming session?
|
So. I was taking a bus ride to home while chatting with my online friend. I asked him if he would like to play Stardew Valley at a specified time when I got home. We both agreed.
When I messaged him about our plans,
He then told me he wanted to read a visual novel and collect its CG artwork. At our specified time when we wanted to play Stardew.
I then had sent him the screenshot of our prior chat logs, showing we had agreed on that time to play. He admitted his fault, then immediately said he wanted to wait for another person to play too.
Some time passed, then he said he was in a bad mood, out of sudden. I felt it was just a way to get out of playing, as he also stated before someone else invited him to play the game, too.
I also have to mention that I only just got the time to play anything at this time period. My friend is still feeling guilty, even though I had forgiven him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
PDApitclNWLMuWCSsQCrZ0wazljaIviO
|
b84o1g
|
{
"description": "being a bad date with an awkward relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being a bad date with an awkward relationship?
|
I just recently ended a relationship that hadn’t really started but I still attended her sorority formal with her because she needed a date. I had a good deal of friends other than her at the event, and she had her own friends there as well. I mainly hung out with my friends but I did still eat dinner and chat with her and her friends (where she kept touching me and holding onto my arm). After the event she meant to send a message to a friend but instead sent it to me that said I was a shitty date, which to be fair I was not the best date however I had previously expressed my disinterest in a relationship so things were quite awkward at the event. So reddit am I the asshole for not really hanging out with her after an awkward relationship?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
hYLEnUOKRJNdbueTZTztoYdOZP3ULqFL
|
afiekt
|
{
"description": "being pissed that my ex gf faked orgasms with me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being pissed that my ex gf faked orgasms with me?
|
We are both 21 and in college. We dated our freshman year and broke up, but we're still friends. Not best friends, but we are in the same group and hang out pretty regularly. Ultimately we weren't compatible as a couple but our sex life was never the problem, or at least that's what I thought. We had lots of sex and she would frequently tell me that she came. Obviously she didn't say it like that, but I am trying to be brief and not too graphic.
So the other day me and her and a couple of our mutual friends are hanging out, and one other girl makes a comment about how she's never had an orgasm. My ex replies, "Don't worry about it, I didn't have my first orgasm until this year." I was not trying to be graphic or anything in front of our friends, but this threw me for a loop so I was just like "Uhhh that can't be right, remember?" which she just replied to like "Oh yeah, I thought for a long time that I was orgasming but then I found out I wasn't." And again we were hanging out with friends so I just dropped it. But thinking about it I am actually pretty annoyed, not to mention embarrassed both by her basically calling me out for never making her cum and for not being able to say anything back to her saying she *thought* she was coming, which just makes me look like an idiot.
I am really annoyed and I kind of want to call her on it, but privately. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
q5aalcrrGL9qukhay2RUoeltzxbwfxLs
|
awog2m
|
{
"description": "scamming a scammer to get money back for a friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for scamming a scammer to get money back for a friend
|
A couple days ago, my friend is out looking for some modded game accounts and finds a supposed seller. He approaches him and this guy throws every sign of a scam: asks for a wire transfer, can't remember PayPal login, tries to force the "limited time sale", then finally decides he will only take gift cards as payment.
(some background on the guy- apparently he's a known scammer on Facebook but we didn't know that since neither of us use it)
My buddy being the idiot he is goes ahead and sends him an Amazon card for 30 bucks. The scammer responds with some emoji spam before blocking him. Friend sends me screenshots of the convo and I decide to take matters into my own hands: I approach this guy as a supplier of modded game accounts (apparently he just buys them cheap and sells them high once in a while to try and save face) and quote a pretty good price of 30 bucks for 4 accounts. He agrees and after taking the payment in the form of a gift card, I send the code to my friend who was scammed and block the guy who ripped him off (that I just ripped off).
So where does this put me? As I see it, I'm just returning things to the way they were, maybe with the scammer a little more aware of how his actions effect others.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
RJNZE7a5srj1TBd3K0e8TwEuFyXTgkjE
|
ag1c7s
|
{
"description": "wanting to walk out on a 3 week commitment",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to walk out on a 3 week commitment
|
So backstory, I \[32m\] was asked to come along for 3 weeks for my friend's \[34f\] move to \[very cold northern state\] from where we lived. Reason for this being that she needs to do some training that would have involved her leaving her dog at pet hotel if I wasn't here. Since we left, I have been yelled at no less than a dozen times for a range of things including:
Changing the route from one that wasn't even expressed to me as having been fully intended even though it added an extra hour to an already 20 hour drive being done over the course of 2 days.
Missing telling her to turn in certain places when she was too busy yelling at someone on the phone to pay attention to what i was saying.
Mistakenly being honest with the apartment manager about when the packed and shipped possessions were going to be here when i was supposed to say nothing. The latter of which i was not informed about.
Walking 10' away from a shopping cart which in fairness to her had a purse in it. (I did this more than once, I haven't had a SO in several years and had simply forgotten the rules of being in a store with a woman.)
Attempting to explain that she can't do anything about the apartment not being 100% ready to move in upon her arrival and that if she's just patient management will get things done in the course of the next several weeks.
​
To give her side of the story she graduated with an MBA recently and since then she had been seeking work in her chosen field. She got an opportunity that agreed to pay approximately half of her moving expenses, which haven't been cheap by any means. She had to break a lease and pay a deposit on a new one, ship the vast majority of her belongings by mover which costed a bundle. She started a period while we were on the road which I'm sure didn't help anything. She's also just under a lot of pressure for this to work out, it took her a long time to do all this and she's already in very deep with all the expenses and if things don't work out she'll have a lot more problems.
​
I'm trying so hard to be as accommodating and pleasant as I can possibly be. I understand that she's under a lot of pressure and stressed out about things that have been going on. I'm big on doing what I say, and I don't want to just leave her high and dry. However, it feels as if there should be a limit to the amount of abuse I'll just take. Am I the asshole for wanting to just walk
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ESKuVnuNWr9lvlWzKSycI7siwxQXGS8h
|
af644w
|
{
"description": "getting upset when people don't look at something I've shared with them",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA because I get upset when people don't look at something I've shared with them?
|
Let's preface this first of all, I understand that some people shove phones in other people's faces and expect them to watch it/read it or whatever.
Basically, I create a lot of things and I like to hear the feedback from it. So I share it usually with my parents. My step dad always helps me out but my mom, she's just a whole other story.
I show her artwork, maybe a funny video or maybe a song and the most I get out of her is a nod and then she goes back to what she does without even looking.
Last night I got upset like usual because I tried to show her a song I really love that means a lot to me (Bloodywood - Jee Veerey) because of the message and she told me she'd watch it when she could be bothered, which is never.
I just like to share things with them because I don't have friends but I feel like I'm just being tolerated by them.
Am I being an asshole by wanting to share things with them?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "asking my husband to get himself \"ready\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking my husband to get himself "ready"?
|
So long story as short as I can make it...
My husband is on antidepressants which makes it hard for him to "finish". Not hard for him to get hard at all just finishing is a problem. I cannot and will not speak for anyone else but for me, I'm kind of a "quickie" person. No marathon sex situations for me, at least. I just am pretty much done, orgasm or not, with penetration if it's more than like 15 minutes or so... but he can go for much much longer because of his medication.
Am I the asshole for asking him to start himself off and get to a "good" point before joining? (Also I should add that we both want to have a child so him finishing is kind of something that is necessary)
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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b0wk4a
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{
"description": "not going to the St Patty's Day party",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I don’t go to the St Patty’s Day party?
|
A friend of mine is having a St Patty’s day party. We have been friends for quite a while but she more or less ghosted me for four months. She recently got a new best friend who is really into makeup but not much else and whose husband is more or less a fascist. I’m pretty progressive and not super into makeup but I try my best (lol). I don’t have anything in common with her new best friend, and tbh the husband gives me the creeps. My friend lives at home with her dad and during the family parties that they have had, I’ve tried my best to be social, but nobody wants to engage with me in conversation. My friend comes from a fairly close knit family and they all get together frequently. It usually involves her nieces and the family and I am like a wacky sore thumb. Add to this the new best friend and her husband. Meanwhile, my friend completely swung from ghosting me to being, “Can’t wait to see you!”. I broke up with my long-term boyfriend in the interim and she didn’t call or text. Long story short, am I the asshole for wanting to bail on a party, or would I this be the asshole for giving up our friendship because of the weirdness? I tried to contact her over those four months, just to make sure she was alive/doing okay/check in, etc, with no response.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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a90bg7
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{
"description": "cutting all ties with my brother",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting all ties with my brother?
|
A bit of backstory about me, since it's relevant to the story, but I'll try to keep it short.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression (and anxiety) in highschool, after a few suicide attempts. At the end of my third year especially I reached a lowest, and I basically turned into a shut-in. I became easily irritable and waking up in the morning to go to school was a challenge. One day I just couldn't make it and my mom, who was under a lot of pressure because of my situation, didn't take it too well. She started yelling at me, throwing insults about my mental state, so I got so hurt that I stopped thinking straight: I jumped at her and wrapped my hands around her neck, trying to choke her. I came back to my senses a few seconds after and immediately let go. I won't use my mental illness as an excuse, what I did was deplorable and it's something that keeps haunting me even today. After that event, me and my mom together had a session with my (at the time) counselor. We talked a lot and I apologised profusely to her. Today we have a wonderful relationship and I feel incredibly lucky.
At this point you may wonder how all of this relates to my (4 years) older brother. Well, the thing is, he was actually present to that episode (and restrained me). Right after it happened he didn't say much, but one day he just came to me and started spouting a bunch of awful things to me, specifically regarding how much of a failure I am. He was fully aware of my suicidal attempts and depression, and attacked me right where it hurt the most. My mom told me that he did that because he couldn't forgive me for what I did, but I really can't understand why if me and my mom already went over it. After that, he said that he didn't want to talk to me anymore, so I went along with it. Right now I am trying to keep my distance from him as much as I can, hopefully cutting ties with him completely one day. I feel like he literally tried to instigate me to kill myself, and never even tried to fix that by talking about it. I honestly don't think I can forgive him, but I understand I did something terrible as well. So, I would like to know, AITA in all of this?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9zgrez
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{
"description": "refusing to hang out with my buddy and his girlfriend together",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to hang out with my buddy and his girlfriend together?
|
Backstory: One of my closest friends has a girlfriend who pretty much our entire circle of friends sees as highly toxic.
We've all tried our best to give her a chance and welcomed her into our fold with open arms, including her in social functions and going our to meetups at restaurants and bars with them.
He's an incredibly gentle soul when it come to relationships and has a long history of his partners taking advantage of his kindness.
For the first year everything seemed fine, then out of the blue she gave him the "I need space" talk and benched him. His biggest fear , which he stated clearly to her numerous times, was that there might be somebody else and she repeatedly assured him that this was not the case. Over a month passed, during which he nearly went out of his mind while she basically ghosted him, refusing to give him any clarity of whether they were over or not.
This was a tough time for his closest friends as well because he confided in us and we were in full damage control mode trying to keep his spirits up. She eventually got back to him and a week or two after they resumed regular dating she finally admitted that she had been seeing somebody else during that "I need space" period.
We've now made it absolutely clear to him that she's not welcome in our homes or social functions and, while accepting of this at first, he's hinted a few times that this is placing strain on him. The funny thing is that even in the good times when they first started seeing each other, she never so much as attempted to introduce her friendship circle to ours, so her social background is a mystery to us other than what information he has offered up.
Meanwhile she continues to eat up almost every moment of his weekends and has him regularly taking her out to expensive restaurants for dinners and lunches while we battle to even get him to join us for a beer unless she's out of town.
I'm trying my best to be there for my buddy, but I honestly want nothing to do with her and neither do any of us.
tl;dr - My close buddy's gf benched him, cheated on him, lied to him repeatedly and he still took her back. Now I don't want anything to do with her any more.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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abqj9d
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{
"description": "threatening to take legal actions and terminate the lease with hostile roommates",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for threatening to take legal actions and terminate the lease with hostile roommates?
|
Obligatory excuse the grammar and stuff, etc. Long post so tl;dr at the bottom
​
So here's a bit of history first that's probably needed -
I was in college away from home. I moved in with these two girls I sort of knew at the time, but they were still kind of new friends to me. It wasn't a great living situation, more like the "I'll fake conversion until you go away so I can go back into my room" stuff. They both got more bitchy as time went on but I just sucked it up while I was there until my (then) boyfriend got home and I could go stay with him. They invited people over on weeknights without my consent who smoke and drank and were loud until 2am even after I asked them to quiet down because I had classes in the morning. One girl has her boyfriend over almost literally 24/7. The only time he would leave was when he would go home maybe once a week. He showered (in our shared bathroom, can't tell you how many times I stepped on what was hopefully mucus whenever I tried to shower), did laundry, kept his food in our pantry, and kept his weed outside on our balcony and sometimes inside. He is basically an illegal tenant, not on the lease, not paying rent or any utilities yet living with us. He also invited his friends and family over to stay our place rather than his own without asking. These girls also poisoned my cat with ibuprofen. Whether purposely or accidentally, I don't know. They hated him despite knowing I had him before agreeing to live with me. When I confronted them about it, they said the cat must have opened the childproof bottle himself (which I tested by throwing the bottle off the counter - the lock stayed on surprisingly!) and denied even accidentally leaving a pill out. That was a fun emergency vet bill.
​
Around the beginning of October, things were really rough for me. My depression and anxiety were through the roof, my grades were failing, my living situation with my roommates was incredibly hostile, my cat was poisoned, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me with no explanation, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I packed my things up and went home.
​
I've been home for three months now. I've paid rent ($600) every month I haven't been there while trying to find a girl to take over my lease. The only way they will let me out of the lease is if the girls both agree to taking me out. But in order to do so, I have to help find a replacement. 'Help' being the key word. I've found three girls over the course of this who were interested in taking over my lease, all who "didn't work out" when my roommates told me why they wouldn't be taking over my lease. They've done nothing to help find someone to replace me. I have another girl (a foreign exchange student) who is interested in taking over the lease when she arrives, but they haven't been able to FaceTime yet so I don't know if it will work out.
​
Rent is due on the 5th and my parents just told me they won't be paying. So my hope was that things would work out with this girl quickly and she could take over before I have to use my credit card to pay (which of course I'd really prefer not to do for obvious reasons.) I sent a text to my roommates basically telling them of my situation, and saying that I really need things to work out with this girl for me. They replied back hostilely saying I was responsible no matter what (which I understand of course) and that I couldn't tell them how to make things work with this girl, who again, is the third one I've found after they refused the first two.
​
Obviously, I'm pissed. I've been paying for the months I'm not there which I understand is fair, however: this is the third girl I've found. I've done my part three times, each time that "didn't work out", while they've done nothing. I understand that I'm the one who left and so I have to help, but in the lease, it only says I have to HELP find a replacement, not find one altogether. Let alone three times.
​
My parent's view on this is just the same. They're tired of paying rent for a place I'm not living at when I've done my part and the roommates have done nothing. So here's the part I'm asking if I'm going to be an asshole on -
My parents want to hire a lawyer (my dad's friend) to tell them basically this: Remove me from the lease or we tell the apartment every breach of lease they've done and get it terminated altogether.
​
This is where the history comes in. The illegal tenant, the weed (which is legal in my state if you're over 21, however none of them are), the poisoning of my cat (animal abuse), and everything else they've done the lawyer says will terminate the lease entirely. This will not only get me out of the lease, but them as well and they'll have to find a new place to live.
​
I do feel bad for having to possibly resort to this, but both my parents and I are tired of dealing with them and feel this is the only way to get me out now. Depending on how things go with the foreign exchange student I've found who's willing to move in, I'll update this.
​
TL;DR - I lived with hostile roommates, moved out, and have found multiple people to take over my lease all who my roommates have refused. WIBTA for resorting to taking actions into legal matters and threatening to get them kicked out as well for their breaking of the lease if they don't release me from the lease?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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b5j41b
|
{
"description": "not spending time with my my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not spending time with my my girlfriend?
|
Not sure how to sum this up but I’ll try. I work a stressful job and I’m away from home a lot. I take medication for anxiety mainly due to my job. I love my job sometimes it can just throw a lot on my plate. Yesterday my girlfriend and I decided that we would wash her dog and watch Netflix while she finished her notes for class. Well today was one of those days and I texted her telling her “hey this shift was super stressful I think I’m going to go home and chill this evening”. We don’t live together btw. She then got upset at me saying I always cancel on stuff she wants to do. I cancel plenty of stuff that I have planned mainly for the same reason. We spent the whole weekend together. Went to a old car show, got some good food, and flew in a helicopter together. I don’t feel like I’m ignoring her I just feel like she’s crowding me a little. So AITA for just wanting to be at home?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b4gr5i
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{
"description": "taking a slot for a sports competition instead of someone else",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I had taken a slot for a sports competition instead of someone else?
|
At my school we have an inter-house sports competition, in which I wanted to fence, as it's the only sport I'm any good at. However, there were only 2 slots, and after I signed up, I found out that the other two serious fencers in my house wanted to go. In the end, I let them replace me in the slot.
​
However, it's been bugging me as to whether I'd have been the asshole if I kept the slot or not, bearing in mind that the other two are in the year up and both better than me by a considerable margin. (In fact, one's a GB fencer.)
​
Would I have been the Asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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b0zufj
|
{
"description": "refusing to argue with my project partner",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I refuse to argue with my project partner
|
Since I did everything and he's done next to nothing I do see any way I am responsible for his personal failure.
He is currently trying to make me the culprit for him being useless. Mostly I do too much and dont let him room for work ( which is untrue because I give him tasks every week that never get done so they have to be done at some point ). And also I didnt help him setup work environment. This guy struggled to install linux for 2 months. Shit dude ever heard of Google?
But yeah i think of the worst case scenario and i think that he knows that he's 100% guilty and now he's being a psychopath and manipulate me into thinking at my fault and continue to do the work for him
Also I dropped him out of the project after the argument without notice
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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ai7ty0
|
{
"description": "resenting my friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for resenting my friends?
|
So backstory, four years ago, I was on exchange with two of my close friends, A and B, overseas in South Korea. They chose two schools that were close by each other and thus were able to room together in an external apartment while I had to room in my own school’s dormitory, which was about 30 minutes away by train. A flew to Seoul 3 – 4 days prior, while B and I took a flight together. As the earliest date that my dorm would accept admission was the next day after my flight, I had to room with A and B for the day of my arrival and I’d pay for it. Since I was heading the same direction, B convinced me to split the cab fare from the airport to her apartment with her, although I was perfectly fine with lugging my own luggage around and reach there eventually. (She is a petite person with two luggage). Reluctant because I was cash-strapped but I agreed.
I was not a person with good directions, much less in a country with primarily foreign language. During the ride from the airport, I casually asked her whether it was alright for her to follow me to my dormitory the next day to get me settled in as well, since I was bad with directions afterall. B agreed and was nice about it. Fast forward to when I settled in their apartment for the night, their landlord was nice to offer us all a lunch treat the next day and possibly a tour. A was excited and brought up the idea of walking around the area with B, and I casually brought up that B had agreed to follow me along to settle in my luggage and accommodations as well since both A and B were well settled.
A just let out a horrified look and said ‘You expect us to bring you to your school?’ and gave B a look while B avoided glances with me and said ‘Yeah, I meant like, we’ll see how it goes. I mean, we also have to find the route to our own schools as well.’ And that was it and I was so crushed. I had to go to my school by myself to settle for the first day in the cold-ass weather (I’m from Malaysia, so it’s summer all year round here).
While I understand their own concerns of getting familiar with their own environment, I felt really betrayed, and couldn’t believe that they would leave me to find my own way to my dormitory in this kind of weather with my luggage…
My question is AITA for resenting my friends in this situation? Was I being entitled for expecting my friends to show some decency to at least accompany me on my first day to my dormitory in a foreign country?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
|
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|
argg70
|
{
"description": "asking my partner if she'd picked something up from the grocery store",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my partner if she'd picked something up from the grocery store?
|
Today my partner asked if I would meet her at the grocery store when she was done at school, then head home together.
I declined as I was home not feeling well after a couple drinks out at her friend's birthday party last night.
When she gets home I see that she'd stopped for a few things anyway and I said thanks for getting groceries (key point here in my mind).
A few days ago I said it'd be fun if we had veggie dogs again so when I saw them and some buns on the counter my face lit up and I said are there potato chips to go with them? She flipped out because I didn't "start by saying thank you" and instead basically criticised her or was making demands or something.
I wouldn't have been upset if there weren't chips (there weren't and I'm not) since I hadn't even asked for them specifically and I was genuinely just asking because the last couple times we did veggie dogs we bought a bag of chips to go with the meal. It wasn't like I'd said you better have bought chips or something.
Over an hour later she was still angry about it, telling me I should be more appreciative. So I'm pretty upset with how angry she is as I feel I've done nothing wrong and I told her I need her to tell somebody this story and see how they react. She asked me to do the same so here I am.
I will accept your wise judgement and apologize if it turns out IATA, but I feel that my initial thank you for getting groceries puts me in the clear.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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as6y9a
|
{
"description": "being mad at my gf for drastically changing her appearance just before our wedding",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for being mad at my gf for drastically changing her appearance just before our wedding.
|
First things first. I firmly believe that everyone has a right to do anything they wish. I'm just mad for other reasons.
I and my gf have been together for 7 years and we're getting married in a week. Once in a while she experiments with her appearance and I really enjoy it as much as she does.
My family are conservative catholic christians. Just before our wedding she got a mohawk and some tattoos. I'm pretty sure my family will freak out and I'm afraid of the impending drama. She thinks its going to be fine and she only cares about my opinion. She looks hot I agree but I'm mad because of the wedding. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
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|
{
"description": "leaving the room everytime my roommate has a coughing fit",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for leaving the room everytime my roommate has a coughing fit
|
My roommate and I rarely speak to one another. When we do it’s usually in one word sentences like, “sorry”, “hello,” and the like. Although, we have such a passive agressive relationship. Everytime I am present he starts to have this “coughing fits” and to respond I put on my headphones and play music to the loudest volume. When this does not work I usually go to the lounge and play my music from there. My roommate is such a sly person. I wonder what I was thinking during roommate selection that I picked him again. Also he has this “coughing fits” at night too when the whole entire dorm room is trying to sleep.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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|
b5xppd
|
{
"description": "not getting upset about my niece's death",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not getting upset about my niece's death?
|
Happened last year but only stumbled on this subreddit recently. My four year old niece passed away last year from an undiagnosed medical condition, and my mum was basically bawling for a week straight. She got super pissed off at me because I basically didn't have any reaction.
For context, my extended family lives in another country and I haven't gone back for 8 years so never met my niece. My mum thinks I'm a cold heartless bastard now but I think I'm just a straight shooter. AI actually TA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
ay8rte
|
{
"description": "not trying to be close to my boyfriend's daughter",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not trying to be close to my boyfriend's daughter?
|
My boyfriend and I started dating almost 2 years ago. We do not live together. He has a 14 year old daughter from a previous girlfriend, who broke up with him for her now-husband shortly after said daughter was born. My boyfriend raised his daughter on his own for a a few years, but now she lives primarily with her mother and step father. My boyfriend has custody on weekends.
I understand the importance of the time they have together, and I like spending time with my own family (very sickly grandfather), so I spend my weekends seeing my family, and he spends his weekends with his. We rarely ever see each other on weekends.
I spend time with him and his family (parents, siblings, daughter) on special occasions and celebrations when they invite me. They're all very very nice people. But I don't try to make time to be closer to them in general.
I guess I'm just wondering if I'm the asshole for not trying to be closer to them, especially his daughter. I'm not rude or cold or standoffish when we are together but sometimes I feel weird that I don't try- if she lived with my boyfriend I think the dynamic might be different, or I'd try harder, but as things are, I'm not sure if I should. I understand she has a complicated family life and there is drama (not involving me) but I don't really know if I should be doing anything in particular... I guess I don't know what my place should be, so I do nothing.
Should I, by virtue of being in a relationship with a man with a daughter, automatically consider myself akin to her step mother?
If I had a kid with my boyfriend, would I automatically have to treat our kid and his daughter the same? Or would that only be the case if he and I were to get married? If we don't get married, WIBTA if I didn't treat his daughter as my own?
I have no inclinations on this, but it's something I wonder sometimes.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "purposely misspelling peoples' names",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 23
}
|
AITA for purposely misspelling peoples' names?
|
I have a name with several common spellings. When emailing at work, people often use the wrong spelling, despite the fact that the correct form is right there in the address bar/book or in my signature. Typically when this happens, I will purposely misspell their name in my following reply.
I think it's a decent way to make them take notice without making a big deal about it. My coworker thinks it's a jerk move? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
kmo8HVsxtxICcRYRgYgv06radK9snJE4
|
a7nxn0
|
{
"description": "telling my sister to leave me alone",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my sister to leave me alone
|
TLDR at the bottom.
Going to be a long story.
Backstory:
Im (19f) the youngest in the family and I get treated as like it. Im not going to say a specific number but I have more than 3 sisters. I have a very overprotective narcissistic mother, whenever I argue against her, she will talk behind my back to my sisters on the phone = which leads my sisters arguing with me in the end; basically my mother always turns the whole family against me if I dont listen to her. In case youre wondering, my mother argues on what I should do in the future and what I dont = break up with my bf, never move out of the house, pay her back on her raising me, etc. Its exhausting, frustrating, and it gave me depression/anxiety because of it, knowing that no one in the family will never listen to you and no freedom. We’re not an emotional supportive family type, most likely a financial supportive type. So theres nothing much I get out of this family.
Sometimes most of my sisters will offer to listen on why I hate talking to mother and why I always disagree with her. I cant stand her, even thinking of her makes my blood boil. Claiming I should always be at home and never leaving the house even if I get my degree because Im the youngest, it wasnt fair and home felt like prison = mother always claimed it was because she did it to “protect me” and always said “youre a terrible daughter for leaving me”.
So the story goes:
Right after I got into college I desperately wanted to move out, I wanted to get away from mother as much as I could. My depression was getting worse the fact that I was told “no good daughter, you should stay” (language speaker btw) and I needed the space away from her as much as possible. One of my sisters insisted on helping me to do so, we’ll call her L. My relationship with my sister L was alright, but I was surprised she wanted to help me move. Though the difference between her and my other sisters would be that she hates my bf. Now at the time my bf was recently at his home country for a few months, and he hasnt talk to my sister L nor will he ever be interested. I know she hates him because near the beginning of our relationship my bf wasnt the greatest person to be around with, and argued once with sister L. Its been 3 years since that last argument and 3 years since my bf has ever come near my family. My sister L still hates him today. My other sisters dont mind him but my bf thought it was best to stay away from my family after the argument.
So back to the story, sister L found an apartment for me, did the arrangements, drove me to see it, etc. It was all great until my mother called me up on the phone and told me I should never move out of the house, sister L backed me up and I cried out of joy because finally someone stood up for me. I moved out and enjoyed my freedom.
After a few months in college, my bf came back from his home country and I was excited to see him after a while. We planned to see each other on the day and hangout. During the time my mother called in to ask how I was, which was strange because she never asked me how I am, she would usually call me up to argue over something small about my life. I said I was fine and asked her if she needed anything or wanted to say something, she said no in return then hanged up. Back to having the day of my life with my bf, he told me he got his license before asking to hangout, I was excited to see him drive. He drove safer than my sisters I can say.
Again my mother called in on the same day in the afternoon, I couldnt call back because my phone died afterwards. I decided to bring my power bank to charge the phone in the car. I was anxious and my anxiety was kicking in because I know that once I miss a phone call from my mother, she sends phone calls to my other sisters = they will send a bunch of text messages, telling me to stop being a bitch and answer mother’s phone calls. This is what its always been like and its my mother being manipulative into getting me to answer her. In the end I get called ungrateful by her = “you’re ungrateful to your mother, you listen to your sisters but not me?”
Its frustrating and it makes me cry. After my phone was charged enough to turn back on, I was waiting for tons of messages, and I was right. I scrolled through message after message and I cried in my bf’s car while he was driving. I was reading words like “you better fucking not make mom mad, im sick and fucking tired of hearing her always talking about you” = I screamed and cried. I called my mother back and said I am driving with my bf, she was furious because she doesnt believe that my bf can drive. I understand that so I took a photo of him driving and sent it to her, she still didnt believe me. My bf tried to calm me down but I was angry and sad, I had flashbacks of conversations with my mother on how she told me I should never leave home even after college, I didnt know why but it came to mind. My mom hanged up and I got more messages from my sisters, then my sister L messaged me.
She found out from mother that I was driving with my bf. She asked why am I driving with him, why am I letting him drive, does he have a drivers license, etc. Questions after questions, I was having an anxiety attack and drank some water but it didnt help, I coughed it out and my bf parked in the parking lot near the stores to calm me down. Then she said to stop pissing mom off, I broke down hard because after all she did to support me I thought she was willing to understand what I was going through despite her hate on my bf. Then I told her = “Why cant you guys just leave me alone and let me live my life without questioning it”
Of course my sister L was pissed off and gave me a huge paragraph saying she is cutting ties with me, because of my lack of maturity, how unappreciated I am with mother and how she cant stand my bf. She sounded like mother but it hurt more because this was the sister who supported me and I didnt think me saying what I said would caused this. I just felt harassed by everyone and was sick of it, broke down and cried like a child.
The last words my sister L said was have a good fucking life. AITA for saying this to her?
TLDR: I told my supportive sister to leave me alone because I felt like she was harassing me along with my narcissistic mother and other sisters after finding out my bf, who just got his drivers license, drove me around to hangout. She cut ties with me after that because she cant stand my bf and me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
29xMMqKJGdo7b04GM9kk6tnw1N8uiJPs
|
amue8c
|
{
"description": "ending a 3 year friendship with no explanation",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ending a 3 year friendship with no explanation?
|
As the title says I ended a three year long friendship recently. For a bit of backstory, the girl I was friends with was in my 8th grade homeroom and thats how we became friends. We sat on the bus together and next to each other in homeroom.
It was a slow culmination of things that led to this happening but the ball started rolling in mid October last year. She met someone about this time who she really liked and who liked her back. I encouraged her to pursue this relationship with him because at the time I didn’t think much would change.
(important note, at this time I was working on weekends at McD’s)
Things changed soon after that. She and a mutual friend we were close to began to talk about these trips they’d take to the mall. I was a little hurt by this because I was never invited to a trip with them, it took me asking for us to go together. I understand that I was busy, but there were times that I got out earlier and could have set up something then, or I could have taken a day off. I digress.
She gets her boyfriend and becomes more distant. All she talks about is her boyfriend, including their first time together. I feel a little uncomfortable with this because I don’t want to hear the nitty gritty and at this point, I hadn’t met him yet. I go over to her house one afternoon and I dm him from my instagram account asking if he wants to hear a funny story involving his girlfriend. He gets pissy at me and says “If its about [his gf] I want to hear it from her!” Fine, I understand. I don’t dm him after that until the next day he tells me he’s blocking me because she told him too. For a bit more context, I had been weirded out because I still hadn’t met him. She kept saying he didn’t want more friends. Thats fine. But at the time she was my closest friend and I wanted to get to know her partner a little.
November comes and goes and in Developing my gallbladder goes nuclear meltdown. I go to the ER and then get admitted into the pediatric ward to get the stone and my gallbladder removed. My mom, dad, and brother were visiting with my parents staying all day. My internet friends were keeping up and checking on me as this went on. My friend did a little. My school friends were more caring about my wellbeing than she was.
After I was released I stayed at home for a week and the weekend after I had plans with this friend to meet up at the mall and hangout for a while. I had been warned one of her other friends could be there and that was fine. I let her know when I was heading out so we could meet at the food court and go from there. I arrived to find nobody waiting for me. I texted and called to find out where she was. I’ll admit, I got really angry and was ready to leave. She finally texts me back so I can find her at the store she was so she and her friend can finish their purchase. For the rest of the trip I was third-wheeling. I texted my mom to pick me up after a few hours and left quietly.
It got more and more distant between us. I began to notice that she never texted me first. I know I can become clingy with friends and I was for a bit because I felt scared her boyfriend was taking up all her time and left none for me to even text her. I eventually texted her two weeks ago that I was done and she knew why. She blocked me on instagram and that’s that. I had thought we were okay but after my trip to the hospital and after Christmas vacation I recognized that we weren’t and it wasn’t going to be fixed.
There were a few things I left out. I would change what I was talking about to not upset her but she’d talk all the time about her boyfriend. I’d try to talk to her over text and get very little back so I’d stop messaging. I was trying to support her, and actually ended my side of the friendship with our mutual friend because she said how he’d make her uncomfortable and would come onto her. I’m not without my faults and you don’t have her side of the story either. But yeah. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
xW5WpTtr0X3yDsx48QxnmwNUsZ49hcsE
|
aiudwq
|
{
"description": "having not wanting my friend's gf to go on a long vacation with us",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for having not wanting my friend’s GF to go on a long vacation with us?
|
Hello, everyone. I have a strong inkling ITA, but needed to confirm, so please lay it out honestly.
For the past couple weeks, a few friends and I have been planning a 2 week vacation overseas later this year. The group originally included, myself, my gf, and my friends Don and Michael. The four of us have been good friends for years now.
Now Michael has been dating this girl, Melanie, for about a year and some change. We all like Melanie enough, she’s a nice person, and treats everyone respectfully. However, it’s been unanimously decided amongst not just us 3, but the entire friend group that Melanie is just *okay.*
While she is a nice person, we have very different senses of humor, demeanor, and perspective.
That being said, we all still go out together, hang out together, and Michael brings Melanie to almost all of our functions and events, which is completely fine.
However, Michael asked today if Melanie could join us on our vacation. Obviously we all said yes, as she’s his gf and we all felt he was entitled to bring her. On top of that, my gf is also going, so how could I object. However, no one was exactly ecstatic about the situation.
My question is AITA for having negative feelings about Michael bringing his gf along with us on our 2 week vacation?
My thinking was that if I was spending a lot of money and going through the inevitable overseas travel pains and stresses, I’d like to do so with the friends I originally planned with. I feel that Melanie will be a little bit of a downer, and I would like to avoid being in exasperating situations with her if possible, especially on a long trip. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
wVmP2XoNxtedYj8dSxqdatcDtQylWh38
|
9x1nea
|
{
"description": "throwing my friend into a mental breakdown",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for throwing my friend into a mental breakdown?
|
So one of my close friends just found out that she has to work the day after Christmas because none of her other coworkers are working, even though they'll all be in town. She plans every year to see her grandparents out of town that week. She messaged me and immediately starts flipping out, insulting her coworkers, ranting about how dumb and lazy they all are, and how she can't go to see her grandparents because of them. I told her she should talk to her boss more and try to negotiate. She said she can't and what if she gets fired, yadda yadda. Then she goes on to brag about how loyal shes been and how hard she works (she works part time and was just telling me yesterday about how she called out of work "sick" and needed help to come up with a story for her boss...she also calls out of work or leaves early pretty often.) I call her out and tell her she should've given further notice since she does this every year and she should quit crying about it and talk to her boss (more blunt version of what i said).
Then she starts saying all she wanted from me was a shoulder to cry on, some reassurance, not all these ugly things I've said. She says I hurt her feelings. I tell her I'm sorry that I hurt her feelings, it was not my intent. She then goes on to freak out and say she's going to cut herself and I have such a hard time finding sympathy for her. Am I being an asshole? Should I feel bad? Should I have just sucked it up and reassured her? I dont think this is a relationship I could continue if this is the case.
TL;DR: My friend overreacted to an easily fixable situation, I called her out on it, she threatens to cut herself. What am I doing wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
jPdUSVrVrOtYWehBwGMm8l4SKikhNU20
|
af8wac
|
{
"description": "not taking my wife to the doctors",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not taking my wife to the doctors
|
My wife informed me last night that she had blood in her ear. I was very concerned and told her that she needed to check it out. She had recently flown on a plane and it could be ruptured ear drum. I suggested that she call her doctor on Monday and schedule an appointment or, if she felt any discomfort to go to a 24 hour medical clinic right then. There is one about a mile away that has very good doctors.
My wife informed me that she knows of some app that has doctors that makes house calls. She said that she could use that app tomorrow (now today) and have a doctor come to the house. I said that I believed that was a terrible idea. It made no sense for her not to go the mile today and see a doctor at a clinic that would be more experienced than a doctor who makes house calls on apps. I told her that the clinic may have tools to exam her that the traveling doctor did not have. I suggested that I would watch over the small kids, and she could go now, or I would take her in the morning.
She said "Then take me now" (and not in the fun way). I told her fine. She said okay but that she was not ready yet. It was only about 8 pm, so I said sure. An hour later she is now ready to go. The younger kid is sound asleep. I told her that I would watch the kids and that she should go. I believe that the doctor would examine her with that light/ear thingy and prescribe her antibiotics. Not a huge event.
She says that I need to take her right then and that I don't love her. I said "No, it's just a matter of being an adult and taking care of yourself." She storms off and says that I don't love her. She slept with the kids. When she wakes up, I will take her (but not in the fun way). AITA for not waking up my daughter so I could take my wife to the doctors last night?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
EWo4nL6DEU8j1vMfejatfmPvhgBy4lbT
|
alyt2v
|
{
"description": "pretending to like a gift my mom got me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for pretending to like a gift my mom got me?
|
For clarity, I already know I'm an asshole. I just want other people's opinions and views.
A band I've been listening to for a while is coming out with a new album. I'm extremely excited and told/made my mom listen to them. A couple weeks pass (still excited) when I get a text from my mom telling me to check my email. In there contained a digital preorder copy of the album. Normally, I would be thrilled except for a few things.
Even though I do listen to a lot of music on my phone, I actually much rather buy a physical CD rather than a digital copy. I've recently got into CDs, and I love them to death. When my CD-love first started, my mom specifically asked why I don't just buy it digital copy. I told her that it's kind of like a book, when you need to get that physical touch to be closer to it. So, I've never expressed anything about buying digitally.
The other problem is that the album releases in 5 days, and it'll be accessible anywhere. I looked it up and the digital copies can cost up to 10 dollars (my mom won't tell me the cost). So it's kind of obsolete, in a sense.
However, even though I slightly disappointed in something that I don't really want, I still appreciate the thought immensely. She went out of her way to do something nice when I can sometimes be a pain in the ass (we got into an argument today b/c I didn't want to go to kickboxing). I just wish I could force myself to truly like it.
Tl;dr: AITA for not liking a gift my mom got that I had expressed no interest in, but had a lot of thought in it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
p9gwyAFbPCSSLrD7xXcVuVH1vg1OQiU6
|
avli74
|
{
"description": "completely dismissing a coworker when they turn a productive discussion into a pity party",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for completely dismissing a coworker when they turn a productive discussion into a pity party?
|
I have a coworker who whines, a lot. He is a project engineer and I am the project manager. I have to discuss project related things with him daily, but i hate doing it. As the PM, i need facts, dates, lead times and technical data... that's it.
He will get me this information, but it takes 15 minutes or more to extract it from his whining about everything other than what we can do to succeed. For example, I ask "when will x be ready to order" and his response is, "well, you know that something completely unrelated to project is going on, and I feel / think / dont know"...
Like 5 minutes of straight up bitching before I get any usable information. Its grueling!
I've now gotten to the point that I ask him to email me status updates so I can avoid the whining. Today, after a call to the boss, we needed to talk about changing vendors to save a few days on something, and he started complaining. I stood up, looked at him and said "if you have nothing productive to add, I'm going to find us a new vendor" and walked away while he was still flapping his gums.
Were not friendly outside of work, and I'm not interested in his life at all. I'm that way with most of my colleagues, it makes it easier to be their PM this way. Nobody has an "in" with me, and everybody is on an equal level.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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RIGHT
|
ETzZfhfoIK8arE2Wcl2IcdoUnRTanV47
|
axhjqb
|
{
"description": "wanting to be an official partner in my husband's business",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for wanting to be an official partner in my husband’s business?
|
So my husband runs his own business and is very successful. I stay at home and have recently started working part time.
He started this business before he met me, but it was a little half assed. He just did the work he needed to get by. When we got married and had a kid he decided to start it back up. We agreed to be legitimate and do all the paperwork, mostly handled by me. I worked with him doing the actual labor for the first year while bringing our baby along. It was a nice family operation. Well, the baby grew and I could no longer be mom and work with him so my role became mostly bookkeeper and phone answerer. As the business grew he had to hire out for the actual work so he could manage everything and focus on costumer service.
So here we are 5 yrs later. I still do the books, averages 2-4 hours a month. I also take care of all the licensing/bonding/insurance etc. All this work is front loaded since once it’s renewed and submitted at the beginning of the year, it’s done until a new year rolls around. Not much time involved but critical to the survival of the business.
This whole time he mostly refers to it as “his business,” “his money” and gets irritated if not angry when I refer to it as “our business” or “our money.” I have no access to the bank account and while he used to tell me the balance he often says “don’t worry about it” or “that’s my problem, not yours.”
I don’t really want to have my name on the paperwork. I really just want acknowledgement that I’m half this operation. I’m valuable to its continuation, and that it’s my money too even if he does most of the work that earns that money. He says that he’s the one earning the money therefore it’s his, and I could sign on as an employee and get a paycheck for actual hours spent working. So am I the asshole for wanting to be a true 50/50 partner in this and thinking that the money this business earns belongs to me too?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
2WIBMLNVebPJX6A1fbbPPKaD5nsGoI3D
|
ado2rt
|
{
"description": "expecting a better Christmas gift from my sister",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for expecting a better Christmas gift from my sister?
|
I realize Christmas is not just about getting things. It’s about love, family, and being with those you value you the most. That being said, I tend to put a lot of thought into my Christmas gifts because I love to see the looks on my family and friend’s faces when they see what I have gotten them. This year I got my sister a really nice wine rack (I don’t know the title, but she’s a certified wine person and has no place to store her wine). She got me a portable charger...which is fine. It’s a nice charger, but it’s not really something that I’d want as a Christmas gift. I don’t want something grandiose, or a high ticket item, it just feels like she didn’t put the same amount of thought into her gift that I did with mine.
I recognize she didn’t have tons of time to get gifts this year, but I don’t know. What do you think Reddit? Am I just being dumb and ungrateful?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
rtYaOBcV7lZAPv04XoQvldJiZrt9UrSx
|
audsgt
|
{
"description": "thinking my little cousin should know the consequences of his actions",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For thinking my little cousin should know the consequences of his actions
|
This is gonna be pretty short so don’t expect anything too long.
So It was my little brothers party for his confirmation and some of our relatives came along. One of them was my little cousin (8M) who probably took to much influence from the internet, he thinks he is a great singer and whenever his mum isn’t there or he posts on the internet he is trying to act cool by swearing a lot. Things were going pretty good he asked to play smash with me on my switch and totally whooped his ass as our lord king dedede since he dared to pick K.Rool, Then we get my brother and other cousin join in (She’s not related to my other cousin) and we play some matches. Afterward they all get bored and we played hide and seek, it was all going fine and every one was having fun. Up until my little cousin comes up and smacks my ass. He had done this a couple of times before but this was the final straw. I started to tell him that “You can’t just smack people’s bums (Live in Scotland but probably couldn’t have said asses as he would have made an even bigger deal out of that) because it could be considered as sexual harassment if done to the wrong person.” He then starts to run away from the problem and my mum comes up to see what’s wrong, I tell her that my little cousin smacked my ass and was telling him off because of it ( he obviously denies it though because he doesn’t want to get in trouble). Now my mum goes and defends him because “I’m older” and “He’s only eight”, I tell her that he should learn that those actions are wrong and could potentially land him in jail (Hell he could even get serious repercussions if he did that right now considering you can be held responsible for your actions at age eight in Scotland). My mum says that “Even though you shouldn’t go into your little brothers room because it annoys him you still do it.” I immediately tell her that it’s totally different annoying your little brother than SEXUALLY HARASSING SOMEONE she just tells me “Let it go you’re ruining the party”. After all this my little cousin tries to make everyone feel sorry for him and saying things like “I’m walking home right now”, He then later came down ecstatic because he got 6th place in fortnite. Was I being a bit of an asshole for telling him off? Also I’m 14M but I don’t think it changes the fact that it could still be sexual harassment if done to somebody who is not related to him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
H0q6on1QOi511isp5U7jHuWiGKgNjd3t
|
9yodmn
|
{
"description": "dobbing in my neighbour for her prohibited pet",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for dobbing in my neighbour for her prohibited pet?
|
We live semi rural and I rent my house, as does my closest neighbour, from the same man.
Today we had a routine inspection and I mentioned that the neighbour's chickens kept coming over and digging up my herbs, pooping everywhere and making a mess. I have asked my neighbour repeatedly to lock them up. I also said "her dog comes and wees and bothers us too" Agent got really annoyed and started ranting about how she is not allowed a dog and that she is supposed to be only looking after it for her mum on some days (this isn't true)
When we moved it was stipulated in the lease that there was a strict no pet rule. We had to rehome our kid's two cats before moving, which was really sad.
I like my neighbour, she is a single mum and does the best she can. Our kids go to school together and play a lot.
I don't know what the repercussions will be but I just feel like I have done the wrong thing for dobbing her in.
AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "being upset at a teammate for hurting the team",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset at a teammate for hurting the team
|
I was a really good at baseball at the time of the story, and my family was going thru some tough time after we had just moved to Idaho. I typically used another helmet since we didn't have one. However, this particular incident, I used this one guys helmet. Now for all the non-sports inclined, this is something you're SUPPOSED TO DO! You are supposed to share equipment when your teammates when you don't have one. I used it, and the second I got in the dugout, this kid comes up and starts harassing me, apparently he did not notice. He cried to his mom, who then came and harassed me for a while and boo'd me when I went up to bat - albiet late cause I couldn't find a helmet. This kid also said I had head lice and I had to get my own helmet. So, reddit, AITA??
​
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b3moyv
| null |
AITA? coworker ignores me.
|
A co-worker of mine tries to boss me around, and yelled at me when I said I wanted to see the supervisor first. It was an order from the supervisor (to move to a register), and I have ignored the co-worker once. She watches me like a hawk and always gives me orders like "you have to be organizing/standing in front of your register when you have no customers", and "don't put too many bags on the hooks". She ignored me when I called her over and ignored me when I walked up to her asking what her problem was.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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ani41n
|
{
"description": "dictating what fish my sister should get",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dictating what fish my sister should get
|
Excuse my insecurities i have the curse of being a people pleaser
So, i gave my sister the fishkeeping bug. Wed gone into petstock to buy a new collar for the dog, and she went to look at the fish and show her daughter the bettas. Ive been setting up a tank for about a week now (gonna be a blackwater just need the peat to all sink down) and i think shes caught all my excitement so she bought a small tank, and got me to set it up for her (more like i just did it cause im just as excited for it)
And we started talking what to put in it. A lot of the fish she and her partner wants are cichlids and plecos and other larger fish. Ones that can grow beyond 10 cm and up to 20 cm even. Which limits those fish intensely to only living through being juveniles then dying because the tank is too small (15 ltr)
So i got her to write down what fish she wants and narrowed the list down to fish who are peaceful or at least only aggressive towards specific species, and mostly smaller fish. The largest fish is the most aggressive of course, but its the only bottom dweller we're planning on other than the catfish so im not anticipating problems.
(The list is 6 tetras, 1 catfish, 1 kribensis and 2 dwarf gourami they all live at different levels so hopefully there wont be overcrowding problems, i did suggest just starting with the tetras and the catfish to see how full that makes it)
I woke up this morning feeling like maybe i should have just given advice rather than saying yes/no to her suggestions as its not my tank and i was acting like i deserved a say in what goes in it.
So, AITA and should i take more of a backseat when we go in today to find what plants she wants and decor? Shes going to ask my advice either way but i feel like i took over a bit last night when i had no right to.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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9x8xoh
|
{
"description": "ignoring side of family for personal reasons",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ignoring side of family for personal reasons
|
Awesome sub here. I’ve been struggling with this one for the past year or so, could use some input. Throwaway account.
A few years ago, my mom divorced my stepdad. Out of the blue. Now this is really unlike her. She got through business school while taking care of my and my bro and sis. She eventually bought a house and they lived well. Keep in mind, owning a home was her dream her whole life.
Anyway, I lived in Oregon at the time. She in Oklahoma. Out of nowhere I hear that she has taken off with a random guy she knew from her childhood, who has been known as an ex-meth-head. She take a road trip from OK to OR to see me and my bro. My stepfather, who she was still married to, just woke up with her gone with one of their cars.
Immediately I felt like things weren’t right. It’s not that she is acting much differently, it’s just that maybe she seems a bit more...childish. It’s one thing to make a trip to see your son, it’s another to do so with a guy who lost his teeth from meth. Whom I have never met. I can’t tell if she is on drugs, she seems ‘normal’ aside from her very not normal actions.
Since then, I’ve just sort of...ghosted her I guess. She’ll call every now and then and I’ll talk to her for a bit. But lately I’ve been ignoring her calls. She is living with that guy she took the trip with. She has a masters degree in business yet hasn’t had a job for 2 years since she just up and left my (ex) stepfather and my sis in OK. She says she has been looking for a job, that bills get right but they’re ‘surviving’.
I’ve made a point to cut contact with family members who are assholes. My dad is an asshole and I have no problem not communicating with him. He’s done egregious things like steal from my grandfather, use my brother’s name for credit cards and other fun stuff.
But with my mom it’s just, all the signs point to some sort of either drug abuse or mental instability. She isn’t asking for money, she is overrall cheerful on the phone when we do talk. We used to be best friends. I grew up in a trailer park and she worked all the time as a nurse, made sure education was the number 1 priority for me and my brother. I owe a lot of my constitution to her.
But I feel like I am so far away from that side of life that I grew up in and I want no part of it. I’m putting myself through college. I share an apartment with a wonderful gf. We make good money. I guess what I’m saying is I don’t want my future kids seeing all this stuff from their own grandmother. Perhaps it’s even a little bit of shame for explaining my mother’s actions to my friends and gf. Despite how much I care for her, I simply don’t want her around this life I had built.
TLDR am I the asshole for ghosting my mom for non-conclusive/personal reasons?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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a1ydcg
|
{
"description": "obscenely insulting a redditor",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for obscenely insulting a Redditor?
|
I just flamed a poster on r/unpopularopinions. Normally, I attack the argument, not the person. However, the Redditor was making a vulgar and personal attack and I... decided to do the same to him. OP deleted his posts and I'm left wondering if I'm the asshole or if I was just a dick (à la *Team America: World Police*). I don't like being either. Ideas for penance would be appreciated, btw.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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|
b8rkks
|
{
"description": "not telling my wife",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not telling my wife
|
My wife and I work together at a decent size company. We work in the same department and have very similar jobs.
I just learned, from our supervisor, that there will be a change in our department and some colleagues will be promoted, possibly altering the "who reports to who" structure. Based on past experiences, my wife will not take this well. And she would be very upset if she found out that I knew.
We try to leave our personal life at home, but she very well could see this as a betrayal. So do i suck if i don't tell her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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RIGHT
|
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|
artsgh
|
{
"description": "getting upset with my friend who said I didn't have any right to mourn her bfs death",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my friend who said I didn't have any right to mourn her bfs death?
|
Some context ~ back in September one of my friends, S, took his own life. We hadn't had much contact other than homeroom a couple weeks before, so I found out a few days after it happened and took a day off of school, since I was upset about this and didn't think I would be able to go all day without crying. I knew him well enough to call him my friend, we talked to each other in passing, and he was such a nice, sweet guy. He was always smiling, super happy go lucky, and it just made me laugh and smile to be around him. I never would have expected him to do something like take his own life, but I guess he hid it well.
His girlfriend, J, who was my friend for several years before I had gotten to know S, was also deeply affected by this and stopped coming to school for about a month and a half. All she would post to any of her social media would be pictures of her and S. She acted like he was still alive. I was really worried about her and was super relieved when I saw her again. I knew she was struggling, like all of us.
It was only recently that I felt okay to start talking about S again. I shared stories about him during lunch with our other friends, and we all laughed and cried together. After lunch, however, J pulled me aside. Here's basically what she said:
J: Could you please stop acting like you know S that well? You weren't even friends.
I had known him longer than she had known him, so I was a bit taken aback by this and got angry.
Me: You were dating for what, half a year? He was my friend. I'm allowed to get upset. Maybe he didn't think of me as a friend, maybe he didn't talk about me all that much, but I considered him my friend, and you can't take that away from me.
J: He wasn't your friend and you know it. We were together for almost a year. He never mentioned you. You hung out with him outside of school once.
Me: At least I don't go around posting his pictures all over snapchat like woe is me, my boyfriend is dead. It's not like you were going to be together for the rest of your lives. It was a high school relationship!
J walked away and stopped talking to me after that. She called me an asshole and basically stopped coming to lunch. All of our other friends were alright with this, cause she had apparently been invalidating their relationship with S too. I understand that she's grieving, but so are we.
So AITA here? Did I take it too far?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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RIGHT
|
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|
ast0wx
|
{
"description": "dating my good friend's kind-of ex",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dating my good friend's kind-of ex?
|
Two of my very good friends had an on-again off-again "thing" for a couple years appx 5 years ago, when they were just transitioning from high school to undergrad. At the time, I was very close with my girl friend "Nora" and did not know the guy, "Jason," because Nora and Jason went to different colleges. I met Nora in college when she and Jason were talking. Nora and I spent many nights talking about Jason, with Nora asking for advice and me generally just agreeing with her that guys suck when she and Jason were going through hard times.
​
Flash forward about five years, Nora and Jason haven't spoken in three years since their falling out, and I realize that Jason and I happen to be going to the same grad school with all of our classes together. This is the first I've met Jason, but I quickly realized he was Nora's Jason. We also became fast, inseparable best friends. Jason and I were best friends for a year and a half. Recently, things have evolved into a fairly serious romantic relationship.
​
From everything I gathered from Nora and Jason, they had a very emotionally charged relationship -- a lot of passion and a lot of arguing, but they never formally dated, only remained interested in each other for a while. I recall Nora being very torn up when they had their falling out, and Jason conveyed to me in the last year that he was also torn up at the time.
​
Well, I reached out to Nora recently and told her that Jason and I have been "talking," and asked her permission to go on a date with him. When I asked her permission, she gave me a resounding "YES" and told me that everything happened so long ago, she feels like she was a child at the time. Nora additionally is in a very happy relationship and is currently engaged to be married. Despite this, I can't help feeling like I'm betraying Nora for how serious Jason and I are getting. Nora asked me today to meet up with her one-on-one, and I know the purpose is to ask me about where I'm at with Jason.
​
My question is: AITA for getting serious with Jason? Am I completely breaking "girl code"?
​
Thanks, reddit. Trying to balance two relationships that I really value.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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au2fyr
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be friends with someone",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be friends with someone?
|
So a few months ago, me and friends are gonna go out and grab pizza, they're all marketing students and they're all classmates and I was a bit of an oddball being a finance student. So they introduced me to this guy who was their classmate and said that he wanted to tag along. They said that we might have the same interests as we both like tech and stuff. So fast forward, we're on the way to pizza and me and the guy had a talk, yet there's something about him that i just don't like? I cant point it out, he's not terrible by any means nor ugly, just a little awkward I guess.
There's this time that I was sitting alone, enjoying myself then suddenly he comes and sits right next to me, wanted to talk to me. So we talked, I was being nice to him and all then suddenly he talks about his favorite Japanese rock band and a few sentences later he blasts out his favorite song full volume out in public and we're in school so it's easier to hear. Thank God two girls who were my friends came up to me talked to me and he paused his music. So now I'm handling two conversations and this guy is just annoyingly a bit embarrassing to be with tbh so i entertained the girls more lol. Then he tries to talk to me again about politics which im quite keen on and enjoy talking about time to time but he makes it pretty unbearable to talk about even tho he's not really misinformed about it. I still kept talking to the girls when he continues his music out loud which annoyed me but I just kept talking to both sides. And those girls weren't even trying to talk to him lol. So yeah they eventually left, and I finally had class so I left him lol. We were classmates in one class too along with my other friends but I barely talk to him even on the topics I'm interested in. There's also times where he'd text me but I dont entertain him at all.
Now he's pretty lonely and I feel bad for him tbh but I wish him the best that he'll make friends in the future.
Sorry for the text wall, I just wanted to elaborate my story (sorry if done poorly) and hear Reddit's opinion on whether I'm an actual asshole or not.
TL;DR: Met a guy, didnt like him but idk why so I decided not to be friends with him.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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ae888g
|
{
"description": "telling my roommate to sublet her room",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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}
|
AITA for telling my roommate to sublet her room?
|
Some context... She's one of my closest friends and we've lived together for over a year and she is the best roommate ever. She told me she was struggling with rent because it's a little high. Her parents live 45 min away and she was debating on moving back with them at the end of our lease.
I have a friend who needs a place next month and they offered to pay her rent if they could crash on the couch, she could still stay if she wanted, it wasn't a trying to kick her out thing. I suggested this to her, she doesn't like this person and declined. I also suggested subletting to get and extra month or two's rent as a backing. Explaining I'd rather miss her for a month or so than lose her as a roommate forever. She was a little annoyed and may have felt like I was trying to kick her out.
Last night she messaged me saying she was looking at other places and is going to see one tomorrow so that if my friend wanted they could do a lease take over. She says the reason is that it would be an extra $1300/year in her pocket but that her mom feels like I'm kicking her out. I'm wondering if she's saying it's her mom but it's really her. AITA for suggesting she leave for a few months?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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|
ar2rhg
|
{
"description": "asking my dad for help in my relationship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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}
|
AITA for asking my dad for help in my relationship?
|
Sorry for long post! TLDR at the bottom
So first some backstory. This is during my senior year of high school. I was in a relationship with a guy I really liked. We had been friends for about five years prior so we knew a lot about each other. He didn’t like social media very much and I was very into it only because there were certain family members that only saw me grow up through social media pictures. They were never able to come out and visit me because of where they lived and finances. My dad and I have a very close knit relationship. He’s honestly my rock. He became my rock after my mother passed away. I come to him with relationship problems and he comes to me with overall advice when dealing with new girlfriends. I’m also his “first line of defense” when it comes to new relationships. I’m able to tell if he’s gonna work out with the girl pretty easily usually.
So we’re getting close to the end of the year and Prom is about to roll around. I ask him if I’m gonna be able to post prom pictures online so that my family members can see. He is immediately completely against it. Keep in mind this is something that him and I have been discussing for quite a long time and he originally said that I could. He took back his word because he was suddenly and uncomfortable with it. Which I understand completely but also, you took back your promise.
When this discussion came around I was slightly scared that it was going to be a make or break situation, which it turned into as a simple discussion transformed into a 2 1/2 month argument that made a relationship very brittle. About two weeks before prom was my birthday. Knowing that he was coming over to my house for my party, I asked if I could have my dad sit us both down and we both explain our side of the story to him and my father gave his honest opinion. He was against it at first but then let me sit him down with my father.
The conversation went well and my dad suggested only letting me post about us on special occasions which my boyfriend agreed to. After word got out that I let my father help with this decision, I started receiving a lot of flak from family friends that were about my age as well as just friends in high school. I even got a nasty message from his sister. He seemed fine with the whole meet though, he didn’t seem uncomfortable. And it did end up finding a good compromise for us and we went on from there. We did end up breaking up but that was for another reason.
I wouldn’t have gone to my father if I knew what to do in this situation. I didn’t want to never be able to post about us, which was the ultimatum he gave me. I was just so lost and didn’t know what to do.
Sorry forgot the TLDR!
I asked my dad for advice in a relationship regarding a heavy discussion.
So am I the asshole for asking my dad for advice?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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b03ppu
|
{
"description": "skipping my brother's birthday \"party\"",
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|
WIBTA For skipping my brother's birthday "party"?
|
My brother is out of the country more than he is home, and this year he is home for his birthday. His girlfriend has planned a surprise get-together the night of his birthday at a bar that he likes, around 8:00 PM.
I love my brother, and my wife and I would normally be all about going, but my brother and my daughter share the same birthday.
My wife had talked to his girlfriend and explained that we were most likely not going because it's our daughter's birthday and she seemed to brush it off by saying "It's at 8PM... couldn't someone watch her so you guys can go out?" (paraphrasing.) My other brother's girlfriend seems to feel the same way, even though they have a child and I'm sure they wouldn't leave them on their birthday.
So, WIBTA for staying home that evening and spending time with my little sweetheart on her birthday?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
a7g2sh
|
{
"description": "telling her I don't like her as a person",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA for telling her I don't like her as a person?
|
Me and this woman have known each other for a year. We toyed with getting together but it ended badly for everyone. This isn't about that though. I've noticed recently that I dont enjoy spending any time with her. I dont share the same interests as her anymore, little things she do annoy me, and overall I feel like shit and completely drained of energy after hanging with her. It's mostly little things, like she will gush about crushes and dates, but seems to get uncomfortable when I talk about my dates and girls.
She gets upset at my friends when they want to hang out with us. She's also really overprotective for some reason, its like her number 1 priority is to keep me safe and healthy, even if it aint her business. She gets upset when I go out drinking with friends, even tho I'm 18.
In short, I don't like her as a person anymore. I don't get anything of value from hanging out with her, I actively feel miserable hanging out with her. I don¨'t hate her or anything, I just hate being around her. I've tried not messaging her, but we hang out at the same spots, so she always seems to find me.
Would I be the asshole if I flat out told her I don't like her as a person, and don't want to be in her life anymore?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
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|
aky71n
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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}
|
AITA for breaking up with my gf?
|
Hey guys soo, I've been pretty good with ending most relationships. I typically will let those emotions flow through me instead of holding onto them.
So I(25M) ended up jumping into this relationship with this girl(20F). We both worked for the same company but we dont work directly together. It was one of those surreal moments when I realized I wanted to be with the person.
So the girl and I started dating mid summer and things were great and lively, sex was plenty, company was amazing and it just felt like I could lower my guard around her. Maybe 3 months in I noticed some minor issues and had asked if we can talk in person because these were somethings I wanted to address. After her freaking out and overreacting almost to the point of tears, we both let out the things that were bothering us. My past was a little on the wild side(in terms of past sexual encounters), who I was friends with, why I was friends with them, and she made sure to remind me of every step of the way. I understood and agreeded with our talk.
Now fast forward to the start of the month and she has been constantly been saying that I'm being 'distant' and how shes consistently busy with work/school/volunteering. I try to be more vocal with what I'm doing or how I'm feeling that day or in that situation, it seemed to work for a short while. So on the 21st I was going to make us dinner and I'd meal prep for the two of us, we hadn't had time with each other in 2 weeks and I just wanted sometime with my girlfriend, and a family emergency comes up...so I call her and explain what's going on and shes completely understanding, so shes telling me she feels guilty for leaving her cat for the night..then 30seconds later shes excited to leave for work because she gets to work with these two people she likes, but she feels guilty to leave her cat for the night.
So on the 23rd she texts me saying she isnt sure if she wants to keep the relationship going because when she graduates(1.5years away) she wants to move and she knows I wouldnt want to move where she does...I explained to her how that isnt really a good reason to stop dating. I asked her if she needed a break from this, and she didnt say yes or no. I had decided to put the relationship on hold and asked her if she could give me 2 days to think over, she kept asking and asking and asking and kept pestering me to tell her, that on Sunday I wanted to grab a coffee and talk...she keeps pestering me and I just blurted it out! I told her why were breaking up, the consistent repetition of how we didnt have anything in common, the age gap and everything that I had mentioned above .
So now I've been feeling like shit because I broke up with a girl who I felt I had some real feelings for, I know that I cant salvage the relationship.
So AITA for breaking up with the (now) (ex)girlfriend.
|
HISTORICAL
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akm74b
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{
"description": "going to my high school friend's wedding without inviting him to mine",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I went to my high school friend's wedding without inviting him to mine?
|
My friend from high school and I are both getting married this summer, about a month apart. My friend and I are reasonably close; we see each other once or twice a year and keep up through Facebook/text/email in between, and he's invited me and my fiancee to his wedding. The problem is, I'm not planning to invite him to mine. I know through the grapevine that our weddings are going to be about the same size (if anything mine will probably be a little bigger than his), but I'm only inviting a couple people from high school, and if I invited him and his fiancee, I'd feel like I had to invite 4 or 5 other high school people and their plus-1s, too; there just isn't room. I don't have any reason to think he resents me or expects an invite--it's not like he's said anything about it--but it's obviously an awkward situation. (He definitely knows my wedding is happening, and the general timeframe, even if he doesn't know the exact size/date.)
So here's the question: I'd genuinely like to go to his wedding, to see him and my other high school friends, and I don't really have a reason not to--other than the fact that I'm worried it'll be rude if I show up to his wedding without inviting him to mine just a few weeks later. Would I be the asshole if I went?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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wpkX3GCAoBdmIJQ5vnaBKoOzqJbRtTMP
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b6aau7
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{
"description": "telling my friend he troubled me after he went through depression",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friend he troubled me after he went through depression?
|
So right now I'm in a pretty shitty situation with someone whom I consider my best friend. I've known my friend for a whole chunk of my life (15+ years) but we only became close during the latter years of high school.
A few months ago my friend went through a really tough time with his family. To spare the details, he considers it one of his darkest moments of his life. During that time, I wanted to be there for him but I didn't know how to help. At one moment, I said some words that were interpreted as insensitive, which looking back I can agree with. All in all, he became enraged and said some pretty hateful words that made me feel hopeless and sad because he's one of my only close friends. After that conversation, he went to his other friends seeking help, which he did and I am truly grateful.
But what he said to me, those mean words, sticked with me for a quite a while. I was scared, I was frightened, and I was depressed that I couldn't be his friend when he needed one most. So a month later, after his situation with his family dissolved, I approached him and confessed my disappointment and sadness about what he said. I also said that it would have been nice if he apologized, because my feelings were truly hurt. He was my best friend and I didn't want what we had to be broken.
When I asked for an apology, he was mad that I didn't just ignore his comments and acknowledge that he was going through a lot of shit (to put it nicely), and that it was justified for him to act mad during that time.
So am I the asshole for expressing my feelings about what he said? I just wanted to let him know that I felt scared of losing him, but perhaps the way I framed my 'confession' was selfish? Things have gotten quite tense and I'm afraid things won't ever go back to normal.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b0hw8d
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{
"description": "wanting to get paid for the work we do",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITAH For wanting to get paid for the work we do?
|
Background: were painting and renovating a condo for a fixed price, and placed weed fabric/ bark on two spots on the property. Before this, me and the landlord had came up with the argeement for payment of 650 dollars for weeding, removing grass and junipers, and dead plants. Doing weed fabric/ bark was not apart of the original agreement, and after being asked to do it, and after doing it, my boyfriencis charging 200 dollars. The landlord is refusing to pay. (I have copies of the original agreement that explicilty show that bark and weed fabirc were not in the original deal)
This is where it gets complicated. My mother is the landlords employee, and is the go between the landlord and me. She also refuses to convince him its not apart of the original agreement, and as a result were not doing further work on the condo. Instead of actually telling him this, my mom will make my dad do the rest of the work, FOR FREE, and use the money she recives for that work to pay us for the bark/weed fabric job. I feel terrible about this, as it unfair to my dad, who has nothing to do with anything.
AITAH for not wanting to do further work for the landlord, and for not helping my parents do the work even though I know they wont get paid? I feel genrally shitty for going back on my word and not doing the rest of the job, but I dont work for free.
Supplementary info-
Id made the mistake of underestimating how long the job was going to take, and as a result, im only making 600 bucks for 3 months worth of work. (My boyfriend and me are working together on this, and he did the majority of the work, and will get paid the majority of the cash)
My mom is willing to do work for free because the lardlord has been generous to our family, and is convinced my dad wont mind.
I know for a fact my dad does mind, he just doesn't express this to my mom, but has to me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
QchwucUIrvIwWDvUdGR2lVpf5JqOdArE
|
a0nfpt
|
{
"description": "wanting a kind and supportive friend to suffer",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting a kind and supportive friend to suffer?
|
Bit if context, I've known this guy for ages. He's phased in and out of "best friend" territory, but he's sort of one of a small group of guys I consider to be my best friends. 3 of them (4 including me) all met through me, and I always drove us around (first to get a license) and decided what we did back in high school, so I kind of considered myself to be the "leader" of the group.
One dickish thing that happened, just for some more context: my first ever girlfriend was his girlfriend at the time. I didnt do anything but for some reason she wanted to leave him for me, and I was feeling lonely enough that I accepted. She turned out to be an absolute psychopath, and the whole thing was a horrible experience, but even though she tried to turn me against him constantly, it never worked.
One day, I got another girlfriend, and she and I moved in together waaaaay too soon, but that's just how it happened. Meanwhile all my other 3 friends moved in together without me. We all lived this way for about 6 years.
This year, she dumped me, and I decided to finally fill that open room in the house. All gravy, right?
Well for some reason, over the last couple years this guy has kept pulling this "alpha male" garbage. He used to literally brag about his penis size, and he did this for a good while until I told him he had to cut that out for all our sakes. But still, he's constantly trying to be the driving force behind everything. He wants to be in front, he wants to be in charge, even when he clearly doesnt have a clue what's going on.
Again, I've talked to him, this ultra dominant alpha stuff is no fun. It just feels inauthentic and annoying. His (ex)girlfriend told me he never lets her on top in the bedroom, and I think that extends from this same need to always be the one in power.
Everything feels like a competition. He targets me down when we're playing smash bros, he does everything in his power to be the most charming, the kindest, the cutest, the smartest, and to get the most girls. To me, it keeps coming across as cocky and full of himself, but it's bern working.
In fact, girls that had clearly liked me before now seem to like him more, which itself wouldn't be so bad, but they're outright ignoring me at best or being uncharacteristically hostile at worst. I have no idea why, like it's actually a zero sum game.
He hasn't directly done or said anything bad to me this whole time, but the CONSTANT competition and false dominance has worn me thin long ago and I actually cant even escape it. I live with him and he keeps forcing himself into whatever I'm doing.
Recently, he's friended a coworker of mine that I kind of liked, but she and I have a bit of a strange history. She liked me first back when I was taken, and when I became single, we started getting closer until I said it was too much too fast, and too soon after a 6 year breakup.
Anyway, he friended her, and now his non-stop, hyperactive social media presence is starting to get hearts and laughs from her, and she's starting to send him pictures of stuff she thinks is cute. I'm worried this is going to start to go the same way as the other two girls.
Now I know what some of you might be thinking- he's just insecure and needs validation. Definitely possible, but even the slightest thing gets to his head so badly I just cant even bring myself to be supportive of the guy. I dont want to see him succeed, I want to see him get knocked on his ass so he can dust himself off and show a shred of modesty again.
Am I the asshole for feeling this way?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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MGQGmagEWlkqbMbooglCHLslAfKx2lGw
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alboqk
|
{
"description": "giving my wife a baby hamster after she miscarried two months ago",
"pronormative_score": 377,
"contranormative_score": 215
}
|
AITA For giving my wife a baby hamster after she miscarried two months ago?
|
Me and my wife have been married for almost two years. Its been our dream to have a big family. She is 21, i am 24. We are both healthy and have an active sex life, but she has a heart shaped uterus and has miscarried twice, the last time being two months ago. After losing two of my children i am also depressed but I try to keep a positive attitude for her.
Our second miscarriage was in the second trimester and was very difficult as we both started to feel like "mommy and daddy". We were "competing" over which gender it would be.
I thought the baby would be a boy so i bought a bunch of baseball stuff for babies, little hats and mitts. I also made my ringtone on my phone "watching scotty grow" by bobby goldsboro. Just sort of a playful thing since i joked we would name him after my grandpa scott, she wanted a girl and made hers that "girls want to have fun" song.
Anyway, the baby was a girl named Charlotte. Shes been despondent these past few months. I havent been exactly ecstatic either but she wont even eat some days.
I kept my ringtone the same for a little bit, partly because i was sad and partly because i forgot. She heard it one day and started crying terribly. I changed it, but i also resolved then to try and make her feel at least somewhat better.
Wife doesnt like cats and dogs arent allowed where we live but she had a hamster growing up. I bought a baby hamster with a big glass case and put a teeny tiny pink bow on her. I gave her to my wife with a card that said "Would you be my new mommy?"
She reacted terribly to it and said that it made her feel horrible and that i was being an insensitive asshole. Im just trying to help and the way she reacted put me on the defense so we got into an argument and arent on speaking terms since last friday. I keep the hamster with me on the coffee table as i sleep on the living room couch. Ive seen her play with it but she wont talk to me.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
r6KIN9u0qE8qZvATO9dBHYEcVOZc4UcT
|
axwhj6
|
{
"description": "feeling resentment towards my partner for progressing slower than me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for feeling resentment towards my partner for progressing slower than me?
|
Just wanted to start off with that I understand the whole 'people move at their own pace' ideal - I feel like this could apply if they wasn't making silly mistakes that slows them down constantly. Am also writing on phone - sorry for any formatting & spelling errors in advance!
I've been with my partner for almost two years now (we're both 23) we met during our last years of University. Their course goes for 5 years while mine went for 4 years.
I've always been a bit paranoid & high-strung about 'wasting' time mostly with my parents stressing how important it was from a young age. I tried really hard to secure an internship during my last semester which then landed me a job right after I finished with uni which was super great. My partner was supposed to finish end of 2018, but because they forgot (lol) to enroll back into their course this year before the cut off they basically lost 6 months (Semester 1).
What infuriates me is that they don't really care about it and is actually happy that they have more time to 'chill'. 'Chill' meaning waking up at 4PM and then playing games through the day and sleeping at 3AM. If they've stayed at my place the night before, I'll come home to find that they've just been on my computer the entire day, dishes still not done from the night before even when they said they would do them.
I've talked with them briefly about what they has planned for the future and they mentions that they're probably going to casually work for another year (2019-2020) before thinking about full time and just spend more time 'chilling'.
I think the source of my frustration is that we're both at different points in our lives, I've lived out of home for 6 years now and am financially independent. They just seem very content to just wallow around at their parents home doing nothing and actually wants more time to play games and do things the way they want before thinking about moving out or trying to take care of themselves. It's gotten to the point where if I need to clean up after them or constantly remind them about something I feel that frustrated knot in my chest.
Is my frustration justified or am I just a big A for being annoyed at how someone is living their life - especially my partner? Knowing if I'm the A or not will help me decide how I should try and fix this feeling.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
nlKBLtaBfS1qHWMPH5CAXDqtahfvAPxc
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ay4a3x
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my friend over a girl",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For getting mad at my friend over a girl?
|
Ok so this story is a lot more than just “I like her, he knows, he dates her.” This one goes far back so get ready. (Note: I am writing on mobile so...)
In early December me and my friends came up with a challenge, something along the lines of a long paragraph and then the question being “wanna spite cranberry?” Or something. Well I did it to my crush just so I could get to know her. Turns out that my friend already did it to her but said that he didn’t like her but knowing I did. Throughout the next month he proceeded to lie to her and her friends about me, lie to me, and fake date her with the soul purpose of making me jealous. Of course he lied to me about it too.
For the next two months I wanted to know what actually happened so I talked to his now girlfriend(my old crush) and told her my side. She told him he was gonna break up with him but I ended up saying sorry. Of course all my friends sided with him for the next 2 weeks but then told his parents and lied to them too. This is really where it ends and we are all friends again.
Yet besides I’m called a jerk and an idiot because he lied and I told his girlfriend, his friends(before they sided with him), and my friends what actually happened. So one question remains, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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P8d81lsUAKLfUZLea0mE706C3a3H1QMc
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as1zkt
| null |
AITA because of my potentially dysfunctional communication?
|
Background:
I've had issues with relationships since my early teens. I've always been some degree of socially anxious. In part, this started with what felt to me like my parents were prioritising my special needs brother and ignoring me. My parents are wonderful people and I can safely say that this is definitely not the case, though at the time it definitely felt like it was. I became withdrawn and started having more difficulty with friendships and such. Furthermore, in secondary school, I was ditched by my best friend, kicked out of a friend group I was in because I didn't appreciate them joking about my sexuality, and had been bullied relentlessly. I noticed in my writing that characters I'd attempted to write as sincere instead came across as manipulative to my readers, and this prompted me to ask my therapist if this would have any bearing on my communication of feelings to others. The answer was yes, and it's led me to wonder how much of an arsehole I'd been to a friend of mine without realising it.
The issue:
I became close with somebody a while back. This person had led me on, blamed me for their suicide attempts, and repeatedly lied to our mutual 'friends' (who already believed I was a cold, manipulative bastard -- though these were the same guys who mocked my sexuality before) and made me out to be loads of shitty things. I learned of harmful coping methods he was using to manage his depression and so I put aside my frustrations with what he'd done and tried to help him. He had nobody else, they'd all left him, and I felt like I was doing the right thing. Regardless, I cared about him and wanted him to feel better. Turns out the moment he started to he froze me out and kept trying to become friends with the people who abused him. I was slightly angry with this, but let it slide. Then I'd learned he'd been saying all sorts of stuff and so on. We argued. We argued a lot from that point onwards.
He often accused me of manipulating him and trying to turn him against people to his own destruction -- nobody I've asked seems to think I wouldn't do that either -- and I was always deeply offended. I recurrently brought up in arguments that I had feelings for him, so his carelessness hurt me more than it might if I didn't. I mentioned that if I wished him ill it's unlikely I would have done all that I had for him at such an emotional expense to myself. I didn't understand how he could think I didn't care about him, because my actions showed that I did. Having brought those up he accused me of emotionally blackmailing him. To me, this just seemed like I was explaining to him why I took issue with what he was doing and why it hurt me so greatly. I did not expect anything because of what I'd done, beyond perhaps respect, nor did I want anything from him, yet apparently I was driving him into the ground because I was a horrible person.
AITA because I can't seem to communicate properly or was I legitimately manipulating him without realising it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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TtPvePIXcrH2onGGMDsXd0WoXa0sYLol
|
afoqug
|
{
"description": "getting on my mom's case for working till it kills her",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting on my mom’s case for working till it kills her?
|
My mom has serious blood pressure issues and takes medication to help it. It’s been this way for decades, and even she admits that it’ll probably be her blood pressure which kills her one day. Within the last week she saw a spike in her resting BP levels while on her meds, just low enough to not go to the hospital so long as it didn’t go any higher, it seemed to resolve, but it definitely put me on edge.
She is also an incredibly determined woman who won’t let anything stop her from getting tasks done, whether it be grading papers or pruning the garden. Between army training and a pretty barebones upbringing, it’s shaped her identity that she needs to be strong enough to do tough work herself, and doing manual labor makes her feel good and distracts her.
Alone these two things bother me in tandem, but she has a slew of other problems like osteoarthritis, a really bad knee, a bad back, and other long term aches, scars, and pains that come with getting into your mid 50’s.
Today she came in from outside, having worked for a couple hours on the garden. She was soaked in sweat, hair disheveled, and panting. I knew she was working on something outside, but I never checked what.
Me, being concerned over her exerting herself so heavily (worried less about the cold as it’s Florida) ask her if she’s ok and if she’s checked her blood pressure.
Her response was “I haven’t taken my meds today so I don’t want to know.”
I got into a one sided argument about how that’s exactly why she needed to check it, where she mostly blew me off and went to take a bath and rest up.
Had I not lost my dad suddenly to cancer, maybe I’d give her more leeway. But these days nobody feels safe from their own body. I’ve told her as such, and while she’ll try and comfort me that nothing will happen from it, I simply cant believe that after my dad passed at 65 from an incredibly rare form of cancer.
Am I being paranoid? She finds satisfaction from it, but I worry that one day she’ll come back from a hard day’s work and is gonna have a stroke when nobody’s looking.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
HgGmGGbTfR6QFRUX85GnIGPi8J1jqsId
|
anhxdt
|
{
"description": "asking my aunt to stop sending me unsolicited weight loss articles/tips",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my aunt to stop sending me unsolicited weight loss articles/tips?
|
A bit of background, I have weight issues and have had my entire life. My weight has fluctuated a lot and it is something I need to work on constantly. I have food issues and I am under no illusions regarding my health/weight, my aunt knows this.
About once a month my aunt will forward me an article or something she has read online regarding weight loss. There is never an accompanying message, just forwarding as an email.I have never had an explicit conversation with my aunt regarding my weight.
My mother’s side of the family are all extremely thin/athletic and it is just me and my brother who are overweight. It is also worth noting that there is a history of anorexia/restrictive eating disorders among my aunts and therefore a lot of emphasis is placed on weight.
I generally just brush it off and don’t reply to these emails. Recently I was having a shitty day and got another one of these forwarded emails which made me feel even worse. I have asked my mother and brother their opinion and they are of the opinion that my aunts intentions are good and that she means well,which I wholly agree with and is the reason I am cautious to mention anything.
My aunt has done a lot for me, letting me live rent free with her family and getting me an internship in her firm among other things and I would never want her to think I was being ungrateful or rude, when I ultimately know she means well and just cares about my health.
WIBTA if I politely told her that I do really appreciate her concern, but I don’t find it particularly helpful and would appreciate if she stopped.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
nokRFqoWn7H3lVGKfset51ZZo6sYGaGP
|
atwxr2
|
{
"description": "being upset with my friends for hanging out with someone that threatened me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset with my friends for hanging out with someone that threatened me?
|
Ok, this one requires a little back story so bare with me...
A few years ago my ex and I had broken up. I admit that I was to blame, I made a lot of mistakes & it was just hard for us to work through them. I hadn't even moved my stuff out of my ex's apartment and we were still talking frequently. Out of nowhere, I began to get messages from someone I didn't know and it turns out it was my ex's new SO. They began to threaten me and insult my mother & siblings, demanding I move my stuff out of my ex's apartment or they'd throw it out on the street. I just want to note that at no time did my ex tell me they needed my stuff gone now and when I tried to confront my ex about this, their new SO would just threaten me again.
In hindsight I probably should have gotten a restraining order, but everything was such a whirlwind, I just grabbed my things and couch surfed at my friends' apartment. Never really spoke to my ex again but still felt a lot of pain & resentment from the way I was treated, regardless of my mistakes.
Fast forward to about a year later. I have a group of close knit friends that have been together since high school and we often hung out on weekends. At one point I had lived with almost everyone in the group & at one point one of them even lived with me and my ex. So we were pretty close.
There was one particular weekend when I asked everyone what they were up to & they all said they were busy. I couldn't get many details and they avoided providing any info. I tried not to think too much of it until the next day I see all of the social media photos of most of them hanging out with my ex & the SO that threatened me. I will admit - I saw red. Most of them knew what had happened since I had at one point slept on the couches because of it & I get that they wanted to see my ex, but to see them laughing and having beers with this person who made my life hell? I couldn't take it.
I got angry and hurt and began to just avoid them. I didn't know how to deal with the situation and instead of getting in a fight, chose to avoid conflict. About a month passed and I finally began to feel like I could get over what happened and went to a party everyone was at. I couldn't have guessed the way many of them would act. All I wanted to do was move on but I was instead faced with these "friends" telling me that I was the one in the wrong & being immature and not a good friend. They got in my face, yelled at me & I asked them to just let it go but they wouldn't. They essentially blamed me for the situation because of my difficulty with expressing my emotion & for not being great to my ex.
Before things got any more heated I decided to just leave the party and since then some of these "friends" have told everyone that they would not go to any get togethers or parties I was at. And in return my "friends" who were less involved in this fight, or whatever you want to call, have told me it's probably better if they don't invite me anymore so to avoid drama.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
S3bo7fU4ywdTASO8Hsdh0mvYL4dTK1HV
|
a96gzq
|
{
"description": "not wishing her a happy birthday",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wishing her a happy birthday
|
My sister had his friend a while ago who used to always get into trouble. The friend was banned from so many peoples houses so that was my first red flag. We didn't blame her for the stuff she did because her parents didn't take care of her and she didn't have a positive role model. She then got expelled from school which was my second red flag. I really didn't want to her in my families house but my sister liked her so I went with it. Fast forward a few weeks and it is my sister's birthday. My sister invites this person over and the person ends up stealing my sister's birthday money. We know it was her because no one else was in the house was the time.
We kick her out of the house and talk to her mom. Her mom denies the fact that the girl stole from us and we never got our money back. We could have called the police but we didn't. Fast forward to this girls birthday and no one in our family wishes her a happy birthday. Her mom then contacts us saying that her daughter was really sad we didn't say happy birthday. I don't see why she thought she would get a happy birthday after stealing from us and getting kicked out of our house.
So tell me AITA for not saying anything to her for her birthday
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kYhNbPXWsW4kFg7L5uOt2u3Q3xbhSCmF
|
b7w9h4
|
{
"description": "not getting my kids cellphones",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA For Not Getting My Kids Cellphones?
|
I'll try to make this brief. I have 3 bio kids (10,12 and 13) and 2 step kids (9 and 11). My husband and I agreed a long time ago that we did not want to get cellphones (specifically smart phones) for our kids. We decided this for multiple reasons but mainly financial/we saw it as an unnecessary and potentially dangerous device. A few months ago, my step kids mom decided that she wanted to get my step kids phones since her step daughter had one. She asked my husband his opinion (he told her) and if he was willing to contribute (he wasn't) and then went ahead with it. My bio kids went through some jealousy (particularly the 13 year old who couldn't understand why her 9 year old sister would have one and not her) but they've gotten past it now. The problem is that in going through a recent redesign of the custody/child support order, it looks like my husband will be required to pay significantly less support, and now his ex is asking that he pay half of their cell phone bills. My husband is leaning towards agreeing so as not to derail the negotiations, but I'm feeling pretty bad about this. We've been able to explain to my bio kids that their step siblings phones were their moms thing and that we still stood by our decision to not have them. However now that we might be contributing to it, I feel like we're sending mixed messages to the kids. And if we just don't mention that we're paying it to the kids, I still feel like I'm being an arsehole for not treating them relatively fair. We're trying to teach them not to compare themselves to others and that everything doesn't always have to be equal, but AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
itvKhYfsUrJZLXr0JkP9LmEPmj2y8CyW
|
apuqrd
|
{
"description": "keeping my fwb from talking to his friend all night",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for keeping my FwB from talking to his friend all night?
|
So this all happened on Saturday night but i (24f)got called out with this last night.
First of all my FwB (29m), well call him Matt, and his friend (29m), we’ll call him joe. They live together and have been best friends for years. More often then not Matt invites him to almost everything we do. Which is fine but we aren’t exactly “just friends” and we do plan romantic evenings for each other. Saturday was not, but this has been an ongoing issue.
We got to this concert late on Saturday night. Matt and I went to the bar and got a drink. After the first band played i tapped out and said I wanted to go sit. Matt went to go talk to his friends. I really didn’t care. I worked all day and was exhausted, so i just wanted to get off my feet and browse reddit.
Twenty or so minutes go by and Matt comes to sit next to me. Eventually i tell him I’m exhausted and just want to nap on his shoulder for the show.
So that was my night i slept til the end. When i woke up him and joe we were talking. We had good seats at a table near the stage. Once the show ended we were out. These were not assigned seats, just they were lining the wall for a GA event.
I literally saw nothing wrong with any of this. Then last night Matt got mad and said i show too much PDA, and threw Saturday night in my face saying he couldn’t talk to his friends and they were mad that we ditched them. I would have not been mad if he moved and woke me. I didn’t mean to sleep the whole night i just wanted to sleep while the bands changed. Like it wasn’t some plot and i really didn’t think it was very sexy. My goal wasn’t to hold him down all night. I was just beat!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Y2A5LtHu2IOfx3z5yhgHmukgA0UQdiLr
|
b6lnyj
| null |
AITA(27)for making boyfriend(39)feel bad about missing babies doctors appointment?
|
So our baby had he 4 month check up this morning (7:00 am) and she was getting her follow up vaccinations from her 2 month check up.
My boyfriend and I don’t currently live together. He got off work at 11 last night. This morning he didn’t show up for the doctors appointment. When I called him about it he said “I got off work at 11 honestly being there at 7 wasn’t on my mind” and that absolutely crushed me.
I’m not mad I’m just sad, he has always been there for everything and then to just miss this one because it was late made me sad and hurt my feelings.
I understand he worked late and has kind of been put through the ringer at work lately. But as our daughter still gets up 2-3 a night still to eat I am up on and off through out the night with little naps here and there.
Idk AITA and overreacting, or is he justified?
I haven’t answered his text about it because i don’t know how to.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
K8jQCK7PrxZdKg8rSAU4J9y7dfKtU12E
|
aj097y
|
{
"description": "hating a school because they bullied me from 1st to 5th grade",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Hating a school because they bullied me from 1st to 5th grade?
|
Ok, so for the last 5 or so years i haven't gone to this school, but my brother still goes there. While I was in 1st and 2nd grade I did some pretty stupid stuff and got into a lot of trouble. But after 3rd grade I fixed my act and didn't do anything wrong. My peers however continued to exclude me from any and all activities EXCEPT when we had a project on the computer. They would almost ALWAYS pick me for a partner or for their group because I knew my way around Word and Powerpoint a lot better then they did at the time. However, after the project, they would take the 100 after I did 99% of the work/research and pretend like I didn't exist. I was not invited to any events, any sleepovers/parties, or anything with an outside connection to school.
​
I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD, and I still didn't know how to properly handle these conditions (I do now). I also was almost diagnosed with Opositional Defiance disorder and Conduct disorder. Keep in mind the teachers, counselors, and administrative staff were all well aware of these conditions. The parents of these children were also well aware due to the meetings held after any occurrence resulting in detention or ISS.
​
When I was in 3rd grade, my brother started at this school in kindergarten. At the end of 5th grade, I left while he stayed at the school. I am now in 11th grade looking back, and was wondering if these feelings are properly placed.
​
TL;DR AITA for hating a school for excluding me exclusively due to past actions?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
qlktmWMzKuQ5TUwPJRI1HKZfDcPDqmjh
|
apshlq
|
{
"description": "not wanting my bf to get into a fight with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my bf to get into a fight with my ex?
|
So, yesterday my ex bf texted me a few nasty things, calling me names and so on, because someone told him i cheated on him (we broke up 1,5 year ago) which is not true. It's actually the second time he did this. The first time was two months ago when the rumors started to spread and my bf didn't seem to be interested so i blocled my ex on fb.
This time he messaged from his friends facebook, so screenshoted it and send it to my boyfriend, specifically telling him i don't want him to do anything, since i just wanted to ignore my ex and let it go, so the situation wouldn't get worse. I send it to him only because i wanted him to block my ex and the pther account (I asked my friends to do this too and they did), but my bf was getting angry and didn't seem to respect my decision and really wanted to start a fight with the ex. So i told him that if he texted my ex, it is break of trust and i would have to consider breaking up with him, since i trusted him when i send the screens to him. He then got really mad, saying i won't tell him what to do and that i was threatening him with break up if he does not do what i say and stopped talking to me for two hours. I wrote a big message explaining why i didn't want the situation to escalate and why his reaction hurt me (i needed support and he got angry with me instead because i didn't want to get into a bad fight with the ex) and he was cold, replaying with one word responses. I told him i felt dissapointed and tried to comunicate with him, saying that he is a great bf, but i needed him to support my decision and so on.. He didn't text him in the end, but still seems to be really angry with me and isn't meeting my effort to comunicate calmly and lovefully about the situation.
So, am I the asshole for telling him i don't want to deal with my ex the way he wants to? Or because i told him that i don't want him to message him and if he does anyway i would have to think about ending the relationship?
TL;DR: My bf is angry because i want us to block my ex on facebook instead of arguing with him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
vjfZYfXkB0qfs2uW5orK0dHp2uNwtzAn
|
b0306s
|
{
"description": "not letting my fiance's dog sleep with us",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not letting my fiance's dog sleep with us?
|
So, to start off, my fiance has a Chihuahua, which I hate small dogs in the first place because of bad experiences with my Grandma's dogs. However this dog of his is especially bad in my opinion.
Fiance has had this dog ever since he was 12. He's very attached to Dog, obviously. Dog has been sleeping in his bed that whole time. Fast forward to now. My fiance and I are planning on moving in together soon, however we have a huge dilemma. The dog.
The biggest problem is that this dog is highly aggressive. Although he's come to tolerate me, I still feel the place where he bit me on the face a few months ago. I didn't even approach the dog when it happened- my fiance was saying "Isn't he cute?" And shoved the dog in my face. It surprised both me and the dog, and the dog reacted with a bite. Obviously in a fit of anger due to the pain and the mark it left, I mentioned to my fiance that normally when dogs bite they're put down, causing my fiance to burst into tears.
I also feel like my fiance gives more affection to the dog than me. I know this isn't true, but it's honestly what it feels like. I told him I am *not* ok with the dog sleeping in our bed when I move in with him. The only reason I tolerated it when I was visiting him was because I was the guest and I've been taught a guest should be thankful they're being allowed over at all. He's upset with me and is begging for me to accept the dog in our bed.
The truth is deep down, I'm more mad at him than I am at the dog. All he does when Dog is involved is try to get me to coo over it. I'm honestly sick of it, and I know it's not the dog's fault. Whenever I try to talk to him about it he gets really upset. I don't *think* I'm being too harsh, but at this point I don't know.
What do you guys think? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
qqZiKzUIl32KefnvCbkAgd6mzoRsKaA4
|
aiilgo
|
{
"description": "going on vacation with dads ex",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going on vacation with dads ex?
|
Sorry this goes on for so long, I feel like a lot of the details help understand the entire situation. TLDR at bottom.
My dad was engaged to this woman and she was a huge part of my life (from about age 7-17 or so). It was kinda a long distance thing, she lived an hour away so we would visit her on the weekends. The travel and relationship problems would stress my dad out, and he would take it out by yelling at me and my brother, but we were too young to realize that was the problem, we were just unhappy with the entire situation. She was mostly kind to us, made sure we were always having fun at parties she would throw, took us on adventures, even took me out of the country for a week vacation for free.
They broke up a few years ago, but I wasn’t told any details about why. All I knew was she kept harassing us, calling us at all hours of the night upset and crying. Everything eventually calmed down so that was it, my dad started dating other women.
Recently, my grandmother (dads mom) got into contact with her (they knew each other all her life) and found out she had breast cancer. My dad told me this, and encouraged me to get into contact with her and visit since we knew she would probably be having a hard time (cancer and she basically has no family left close to her).
After a couple months of thinking about it, I reached out to her through text and I ended up visiting her for a weekend. It was very nice to catch up and talk since she was a very strong female role model in my life as I was growing up. When I got home, my dad was angry with me. He claims I’m the reason they broke up, it’s all my fault and I hate her and he doesn’t understand why I would visit her. I tried explaining to him that he encouraged me to reach out to her and that my issue was with how he treated me not her. The argument ended eventually and that was it.
When I was visiting her, she briefly mentioned I could join her for another vacation if I wanted. I figured why not, so we solidified plans for me to join her on a week long vacation. I didn’t know how to tell my dad this, so I was waiting until after Christmas as to not “ruin” his holidays. As I was trying to ensure everything was planned out, I asked my dads current girlfriend (who I got along with) if she thought it was weird that I’m friends with my dads ex. She said no, agreed she was a big part of my life growing up, and she didn’t find it concerning. I asked if she could drive me to the airport and she said yeah, not a problem, just remind her when it got closer to the date.
The problem starts when ex fiancée called my grandmother and mentioned the trip to her. Grandmother calls my dad, he calls his current girlfriend to confirm, then calls me flipping out. He’s upset I didn’t tell him and that I’m trying to sabotage his current relationship by asking current girlfriend to drive me to the airport.
This goes on for a while, with him being upset with me, but eventually he came around to the idea. He said she is a good influence and I’m allowed to have friends if I want to. The problem is current girlfriend. She claims I’m “a manipulative little bitch” trying to break them up because I’m jealous of their relationship and she can’t be friends with me as long as I’m friends with ex fiancée.
I reached out to her to try and figure out why she was upset and to try and reassure her that I’m not trying to break them up and all that other stuff. She ignores me.
Time comes for the trip and dad is happy and sees me off. I’m on vacation and attempt to text and call my dad, and he ignores me. He eventually responded, saying he misses me and all of that. I have a great (free) vacation, enjoy myself, and got out of the stress that living at home and work causes me.
I get back from vacation, and my dad hasn’t really been talking to me. He finally confronts me, and asks again if I’m trying to break up his relationship, why I always need to ruin his life, and why he doesn’t understand why I can’t fix everything his current girlfriend is upset with.
So, I understand my dad being upset because their relationship didn’t end in the best of terms, and I didn’t really communicate with him before my vacation. However, I am not a part of his current relationship, and his current girlfriend is refusing to talk about this like a mature adult to him or me.
I just wanted to enjoy a free vacation with friends that I haven’t seen in years from my childhood (it was more than just me and her on the trip) because it was literally a once in a lifetime experience (someone else paying for a week long Caribbean getaway for little me who has never had an actual vacation in my life).
I have tried to talk things out with both my dad (who keeps changing his mind on how he feels about this) and his current girlfriend (who refuses to talk to me, just bad mouths me to my own father), but I am getting nowhere. My dad just tries to make me guilty about trying to break them up. I don’t want him to try and get back with ex fiancée, I think him and his current girlfriend are great together, but they are dragging me into their problematic relationship and using me as a scapegoat (they have A LOT of other problems that started before this).
I’ve been trying to move out, but my financial situation is difficult, as there are more problems than just this. I just don’t know if I’m actually causing a problem in their relationship.
TLDR: went on free vacation with dads ex fiancée, dads current girlfriend claims I’m trying to break them up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
RMAYaiTTA6XMggYivCkSL7JcaLrGeghe
|
b9joc7
|
{
"description": "posting CCTV to facebook showing the person and their dog who has been pooping in peoples gardens",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I posted CCTV to facebook showing the person and their dog who has been pooping in peoples gardens?
|
Pretty much this - there’s a residents group on Facebook and a few complaints over the last few weeks. Came back from work and there is now some in my front garden directly under a camera.....
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Z6GeOxti6z1MG3vUjlesdvlESuEFBRZu
|
akhuie
| null |
AITA These assholes at my school were my best friends and they completely shunned me
|
The reason is that; the one we'll call him E was being a complete ass to me one day so the whole story starts in math class. I was trying to explain to him how to solve a problem(I was right). I was telling him how you had to subtract the one then divide. But, he was telling me that you had to just divide right away then, round down. They were both right but, subtracting 1 was the right way to write the equation. But, when the teacher explained to us she said he was wrong. But he tried to flip it on me to make me feel dumb. That usually doesn't work but, I was mad that day for some reason.So he kept saying "all you had to do is subtract 1" to me and it was funny for a minute then it got old really quick. So I tried to just block him out(and it worked) but, he got most of my friends to say it to me. Here's the kicker...So the next class was science and I just didn't sit by him. But after that we had lunch together and he came up to me with a smirk on his face and a piece of paper in his hand. The paper said... you guessed it "all you had to do was subtract 1" and he started filming for a reaction so, I gave him a reaction. I karate kicked his $1,000 phone out of his hand and shattered his screen protector. But, I genuinely didn't mean to kick it out of his hand, I kinda did it to show him that I was done with his shit. So, Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
ZCjkjchqM1w92ZNLM0wroORBj54QrZmP
|
a6u5kx
|
{
"description": "not helping my friend/roomate look for his dog",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For not helping my friend/roomate look for his dog?
|
I live with my good friend. I was in the middle of helping another friend install a hard drive to his laptop over Discord and guiding him through the process. During the install process my roomate has to leave and go to his mom's apartment (about 15 minutes away) because their family dog got loose and needed to help look for him. After he gets there he calls me and says he wants me to come over and help look. I tell him that I'm sorry but I'm in the middle of this install process and that I can't help him right now. He gets pretty upset and hangs up on me. Am I the asshole? I don't think it was unreasonable at all for him to ask for help but I felt it was unreasonable that i be EXPECTED to drop everything and go.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
QFbE88WR5YNvfhv84s5q7lcHT5eWSl6H
|
axw3lc
| null |
AITA More like is he an asshole, group member did all the work in a project without asking any of us for help, even though we didn't ask him to, and taking all the credit
|
So recently I remembered back to a project I had to do for one of my CS classes about 2 years ago. The project was worth 25% of our grade and it was a group of 5 people who had to work on it including myself. While me and everyone tried to help and do our part on the project, we had one member, who knew the subject better than all of us, decide to do the entire project all by himself. The project was to be submitted in 3 parts. We did the first 2 parts together and all 5 of us in the group got credit. But the third and last part was the actual real project what had to be coded and built.
That one member who knew better than all of us did the entire project himself without asking any of us for help, though not that he needed it, and submitted the project just naming himself and not giving credit to any of the other members in the group. We did not ask him to do the entire project and he didn't talk to us when we offered to do our part. We also did not expect him to not name us in the project. As a result of this, he got all the credit for the project and me and the rest of my group members failed with 50s. I was later told by the TA who graded the projects that we we're lucky we got 50s, he would have normally given us 0s for not contributing. I was mad when that happened but even decided that was just a bad situation that I could not have predicted and just accepted the 50 that I got. I was wondering if that group member was right to not give us credit because he chose to do the project himself or should he have to talked to us about it beforehand and try to do work on the project together?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
XvxhnE9ytyP1lR7Qag0pcwgo49ORFoBW
|
a84tgp
|
{
"description": "doing acid with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for doing acid with my friends
|
So a couple weeks ago I did acid with some of my friends in a very controlled environment do see what it was like. Everything went great but I am receiving a ton of hate from people I know about it. This girl I was seeing and I discussed it and she voiced her concerns, as in she was very much against it, but I told her that even though i valued her opinion greatly, I was still going to go through with it because it's something I've wanted to experience for a while. Long story short, she has stopped talking to me because of this decision, but I don't know whether or not I was in the wrong. I've already apologised for possibly hurting her feeling a but I don't regret my decision. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
5zvgClXfq7hNMBwkZsyjMG5lIr1l1FPc
|
aaal56
| null |
AITA | Am I satan or a saviour ?
|
When I see a person taking 4 seats alone I take the seat right next to them and put my luagge in thier footspace.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
GHi3vr1S2fZhBux0IHE4HbonSvyyQoG3
|
ay3gzh
|
{
"description": "not giving my dad a birthday present",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving my dad a birthday present?
|
Throwaway and this happened several years ago.
My parents divorced when I was about 12 and my dad had to take over the company they shared together. For several years we didn't see him because he had to work so hard to keep this company running to pay for our and his bills since my mom had a burnout. When we did see him again he kept telling us how awful of a person my mom was for doing this to him, and telling us how she 'wasn't as good as she pretends to be' by giving examples of bad things she did to him, like hiring an expensive lawyer to get custody. We kept telling him this wasn't any of our business, but despite this, at any small inconvenience or any time he went through a rough time he would bring her up. He would also get angry at us for dumb reasons like not doing the dishes when he wasn't home despite him never mentioning that he wanted us to do them. He really hurt me and, as far as I can tell, my brothers with this because we love them both and to have someone you love say such bad things about someone else you love as well is just hurtful.
Because of all of this, I stopped really caring for him and one of my brothers stopped visiting him alltogether. He is my dad and I love him, but he was acting so childish about all of this that I didn't care to give him any presents or show him that I cared. At the time I got my first job and was finally able to buy an electric guitar, as I had dreamed of for years, causing me to blow the money I earned pretty quickly. I knew my dad's birthday was coming up, but honestly, I didn't care. I didn't buy him a present, and my one brother who visited my dad with me didn't either. He got upset, and still brings it up to this day, and even mentioned this in a talk about how we let him down and he let us down. This shows he does realize he let us down as well, but I am not sure to what extent since he never mentioned that. Was I the asshole? Did I do something horrible or was it justified? It plagued me for a while now since I know I hurt his feelings, I just wonder if this was an inherentely bad thing. I feel bad for this because I know he went through a lot and yeah, my mom caused most of the stress, but he didn't have to be so uptight to use the few times we saw him. Thanks for reading.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Y4kz75nUVnlvjxvwMOE07w63o9EqAyTy
|
b0nyf8
| null |
AITA:No longer wanting to help my bf advance his career.
|
AITA: For no longer caring or wanting to help my bf advance his career?
I'll try to be as succinct as possible while giving enough details.
My bf has hit a roadblock in his job and has remained stagnant in a position that is going nowhere. He has the knowledge, skill, and potential to go very far in his career but he does not have the right attitude. A few months ago he was turned down from a promotion and given the feedback that he needs to change the way people perceive him. He is a "negative Nancy;" always complaining about how management doesn't care or want to fix things, etc.
He comes home to me and constantly complains about this. I've had more experience moving up the corporate ladder and how to navigate office politics so I've seen it all. And from my experience, his attitude really is the problem. The issue is, he thinks everyone else is the problem and he isn't being treated fairly. I've tried to explain using my own experiences as examples but he does not believe me. It's gotten to the point where I've completely shut down from even talking about this topic.
Today while I'm at work he texts me that a different manager had a heart to heart conversation with him telling him basically the same thing I told him months before. He accepted the feedback but did not get the message. He still thinks it's management's fault and everyone is against him. In the text he said:
>Yes I know. Rather than complain, provide solutions or do something about it. But I can't fix the problem when managers don't manage properly...
I want him to succeed and do better, but I can't change a person that does not want to change. I tried to engage in the conversation this morning and all I got back was more negative finger pointing. Honestly, it's starting to piss me off as it feels as if he does not trusts or values my opinion. I offered my advice and he chose not to take it so I'm done offering. This makes me feel guilty and I don't like it.
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AITA for poking fun at someones performance?
|
Ok, so for some context I am in my schools wind ensemble and we have a holiday concert where all the musical departments play together and we had a rehearsal today. the orchestra featured a singer in it along with some strings playng along.
Basically what happened is that she was performing and she started singing in another language for a portion of it. After she finished I was sitting with my friends and say "yo when can i get the english version of this" and it turns out i was sitting directly behind the singers best friend. She then got super pissed at me and yelled about how it was super disrespectful and not ok.
I considered it just a little joke, its not like I flamed her performance or said her voice sucked or anything, was just trying to get some laughs. AITA?
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"description": "taking a coworkers phone for filming inappropriately",
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|
AITA For taking a coworkers phone for filming inappropriately?
|
We were at an after office (Still in the office) and we had smoked pot (not a legal state btw) and got back inside. Some of my coworkers are not "chill" smokers, its really obvious that they smoked and even some of them were screaming on how high they were.
At this point this guy takes out his phone and starts filming the whole party, when I realise I walk to the guy, take the phone stop the recording and try (unsuccessfully) to delete the video. AITA?
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WIBTA if I end a relationship with no explanation
|
On mobile sorry for formatting but I will do my best.
So, I'm currently going through a rough and lengthy divorce that just won't seem to end (long story I can try to explain if necessary but it's not really relevant to this), and have been seeing one of my closest friends romantically for 6 months now. We have both had feelings for each other for about 4 years even before I was married, but the timing was just never right.
When we started seeing each other we had agreed to keep it secret from our friends because they're the type to make it a big deal and neither of us want that, and it's easier to avoid any drama that may arise with my ex. The basic plan was to wait until the divorce went through and I was completely moved into my apartment for us to be "official" and open about us.
At the beginning it was a kinda go with the flow no pressure thing, but it naturally turned into more serious stuff and talk about a real future together that I thought we were both excited for, especially since he keeps joking about how I should have married him in the first place and I'll be so much happier *when* we get married. It seemed like an actual relationship just kinda secret. Up until the past 2 weeks I have been working a full 60 hours mandatory overtime at work when I only normally work 30 hours, and between that and other responsibilities I havent had as much time to see him, but when we talk and see each other its the same passion.
I finally had a night off tonight and tried to hit him up, but didn't get a response which I thought ndb hes busy or sleeping. So I went to hang out with a mutual friend of ours instead, who brought up the friend I've been seeing. I was told he's seeing a new girl, who he met a week and a half ago who is from out of state, and she is staying at his place until Tuesday, and they all went out to dinner the night prior and they seem like they have a great thing going. I didn't react but god it hurt. Me and him have spoken about a LOT of things when it came to our relationship arrangement, but we never spoke about being exclusive. Am I wrong to assume that's a given? He doesn't even know I know, and I don't want to tell him, I just want to end it. I know I was asking a lot for him to wait for this stupid divorce to finish, even though we were seeing each other anyway. But I feel if I call it off now with no explanation he can actually continue things with this other girl and still be happy without me being in the way. WIBTA for being upset about this and calling it off without further explanation?
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"description": "making excuses to not borrow my friend money",
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AITA for making excuses to not borrow my friend money?
|
I’ve recently reconnected with this friend (“S”) we were friends in college, drifted then started speaking again in April last year. When we started speaking again we used to go out/hang out a lot, however in recent months I’ve been feeling like the “spare” friend, who she only contacts or wants to hang with when no one else is available. For example, inviting me to a party 2 hours before it’s scheduled to happen (I knew nothing about it beforehand) because all the friends she invited had cancelled, then refusing to take no for an answer when I told her I couldn’t attend because I was ill.
There have also been frequent occasions recently where S has gone weeks without messaging me, only to do so when she needs to borrow money ( usually around £30 or so), usually for things such as food shopping. I used to borrow it her when it was for “urgent stuff” (£50 to put a deposit down on student accommodation so she could move out of her “abusive” mum’s house, £20 for urgent medicine) and she always paid me back, but recently I’ve felt a bit less willing about it.
I have no issue borrowing her money from time to time, provided she pays me back obviously and it’s needed out of urgency. However she always seems to message about money within a week of her being paid (she works through the week whilst attending uni, as do I, however S works more due to having a shorter set of lecture hours) and from what I gather from social media it’s usually spent on takeaways, alcohol or to pay off various Studio payments, a website she’s frequently ordering from.
She tells me all her money goes on bills, however the student accommodation company we rent from includes bills for gas, water etc with the rent (overall £90 a week) which all gets paid at the beginning of each semester when student loans get paid in. The only possibly bills she could have is potentially a phone bill, which I doubt costs an entire month’s wage, so I feel like she’s being dishonest).
When student loans came in in September she somehow managed to spend the £800 of it that was spare after rent within 2 days (to this day I do not know what on), then spending several weeks complaining she’s skint. It seems as if she cannot manage money, or rather just chooses to spend it on things she wants rather than necessities- she has also tried several times to rope me into spending £500+ of student money in order to go to Disney World with her- money which I would prefer to save for essentials/the future.
As a result when she messages for money I usually tell her I don’t have much to spare (which is true, as I only work 8 hours a week due to being at uni the rest of the week, thought when I can I do try to get overtime). However I feel a bit like an arsehole for making excuses to not borrow it her, I usually try to help friends out and feel a bit bad for making her somewhat an exception.
Overall even though I know she would most likely pay me back, I just feel a bit uneasy borrowing money to someone who chooses to spend all their own money on things they don’t necessarily need then asking others to take care of the necessities. I’m also beginning to feel as if she only sees me as a personal piggy bank, due to her only communicating me when she has no one else to turn to or needs money.
Am I an arsehole?
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AITA for avoiding my BFs kids when they are sick?
|
Hello.
Throw away because my BF uses reddit.
My BF has two kids, 2 year old son and 11 year old daughter. He has partial custody of both. I moved in with him in November. During the months of Novmeber and December, I missed so much work due to illnesses I got from his kids that it became a work performance issue where I was missing deadlines.
I am in the midst of a very busy period at work that doesn't look to be letting up soon. Yesterday, my BF got his son after work, and his son had been sick and couldn't go to daycare. So I avoided them both, hung out in our bedroom and the office doing work, and asked my BF not to kiss me in case he got whatever his son has.
I feel terrible avoiding them, but I can't get sick yet again and miss anymore work. Its causing me anxiety and now my BF is hurt that he isn't getting affection from me. My BF isn't angry at all, but I feel that maybe there is another way to handle this that I don't know about? I was an only child, and have never lived with kids so I have no ideas on how to keep from getting sick. I have asked my BF to have him and his kids wash their hands, but he often forgets.
So, am I the asshole?
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"description": "not going to my sister in law's wedding",
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|
WIBTA if I didn’t go to my sister in law’s wedding?
|
I posted earlier about leaving my sister in law’s wedding early, as I have a nursing infant at home and didn’t want to have to pump to stay through the whole thing. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a1ihbj/wibta_if_i_left_my_sisterinlaws_wedding_early/
We found out tonight that she actually already got married. She had a ceremony 6 weeks ago and invited their friends and all their children. I have to say I am pretty insulted that she would invite a bunch of children to her real wedding ceremony and not invite her niece and nephews to the wedding that is basically just party. I have no idea why she went through all the motions to get married 6 weeks ago, unless she just wanted the wedding gifts from her family but disliked them enough to not want them at the actual ceremony.
So, I will go by everyone’s judgement. WIBTA for skipping the whole deal, considering my plate is paid for? Or can I just skip this whole ridiculous mess that I don’t really want to go to, return the dress that I bought, and stay with my kids?
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"description": "destroying my life because I can't get laid",
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AITA for destroying my life because I can't get laid?
|
20 year old guy, at university.
In first year I was very overweight and ugly, and a virgin. I had been fat for many years so girls never paid me any attention. After losing weight and even paying for some plastic surgery (yes I went to such lengths), I finally became 'attractive' just before the start of my second year last September.
I was still a virgin so paid for an escort (legal where I live). The encounter was very anxiety ridden and I struggled to stay hard...I felt so awkward and weird when I had to cuddle up with her.
So my second year starts and I now for the first time find that girls approach me at parties and nightclubs, with some giving very explicit hints to come back to their place. I even kissed some of them at the club. The issue is that every single time, I am way too afraid to go back with them and get my clothes off, even IF I am drunk. It happens every time, and I've probably missed more than a dozen opportunities. People are always puzzled and surprised when they find out I don't get laid, they get confused even.
However I know better than to blame women and be an Incel. How can I blame women if they're actually wanting to hook up with me? This has lead me to blame myself. And I hate myself for not being confident enough even with alcohol.
As a result of this, when I go out to clubs, I basically drink myself to dangerous levels...I drink a whole 35cl bottle of Whiskey straight and then drink even more afterwards, and smoke a half pack of cigs every day when I wake and skip lectures. When I get approached by girls but mess up or chicken out, I go to the bar and order more drinks and end up stumbling back to my flat alone. My hangovers last a whole day and I get out of bed late at night the next day to rinse and repeat.
My close friend pulled me aside recently and told me "Bro, I love you but you're destroying your life...you're being an asshole not only to yourself but to your friends for what you're doing to yourself".
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AITA for kicking my (now ex) bf (39M) out of our hotel room?
|
Hello, sorry for my english.
Td;er I went on a trip with my bf but broke up during a flight, so after a while of receiving an undeserving treatment from his part I decided to tell him to find a new hotel for himself.
AITA for kicking my ex bf out of the hotel room? So we have had a very rocky relationship for over a year but broke up for 4 months and just recently got back together and planned a trip for new year.
During the time we had broken up we both saw other people, problem is that after a lot of insisting from his part to know with whom I had gone out, I ended up telling him and chaos unleashed ! The guy in question is the little brother of one of his exes and so he thinks I plotted this all along (not the case, we just got along fine and went out).
So my (now ex) bf has been falsely accusing me of cheatong on him, on planning to cheat on him, etc.. last night we slept together so I thought maybe things got back to normal but he started telling me things such as that I could only be forgiven if I accepted to do a threesom or that he would just go back to our country and look for a new gf... imagine how I felt, and this morning that he tried to have sex with me, I just couldnt and he ended up getting angry because according to him it is because the other guy "ruined me".
So, this afternoon we went on a road trip but barely spoke, so when we got back in I told him I couldnt do this anymore, so either we spent time together trying to solve things or that we should split ways and he should find a new hotel for himself. He snapped, started to insult me and ended up leaving...
I just dont know how to handle this anymore, I really cant be with someone whom I still love but from whom I receive this type of treatment.
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AITA for not Wanting to Spend Every Second with my Concussed Girlfriend?
|
My girlfriend and I were recently home from university for Christmas break. We do not go to the same university and do not see each other very often. A few days into the break her friend opened a door and it smashed her head giving her a very serious concussion.
Due to this she can do pretty much nothing except lie in the dark. She can't read, she can't watch movies, even talking can be painful for her. I have every single sympathy for her and I can completely understand how bored and upset she must feel.
Because of this, I spent the first two days at her house just lying in the dark holding her for 8-12 hours. No talking no nothing. I love being with my girlfriend, I love seeing her, but this got boring pretty fast.
She asked me to come back and do the same on the third day. I told her that I wanted to see my friends and do other things too. She was upset. I understood this, she's frustrated about being lonely, bored and in pain.
I did not see her that day. The third day I came to see her for 2-3 hours, and left to do other things. She was extremely upset, and told me that it was obvious I didn't care. This was not the case, I care a lot and want her to be entertained, but I did not want to spend my whole Christmas break lying in the dark.
I continued this trend of seeing her a couple hours of the day for the rest of the break. It's been a few weeks and she's feeling much better.
She is still extremely mad at me because I didn't stay with her during her, "time of need". I don't see it this way, I spent a few hours with her every day. She told me that if I was in her position she would've spent the whole day everyday with me, and is quite upset that I wouldn't do the same.
Am I an asshole here? Or am I justified in wanting to do more than just lie in the dark with her all day everyday?
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|
AITA for being annoyed at my gf for not being able to see her for 2 weeks (and maybe longer)?
|
Me and my gf both work night shift and its been nearly 3 weeks we havent seen each other (the first week she was ill) Well live a 15 minute walk away and shes cancelled a few dates in a past 2 weeks including Valentines day. She has just started being able to see her little sister after a while of not being able to see her so I asked if we could at least see each other once a week for an hour or 2 and she said she's not sure. I said if the relationship contniues on like this then we probably won't be together for too long (kinda a dick move but reasonable I would think) and now shes angry at me with threating to break up with her. I told her I didnt mean to threaten her just that this is what path the relationship will take if we wouldnt be able to see each other but she's still pissed at me.
Am I the asshole?
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|
AITA for flirting instead of taking my brother for a walk?
|
I'm on spring break. Yesterday, I was in my room doing some homework. I have a lot of work to get done (essay for ap lit, test right when we get back to school in Calc, latin exam I missed and have to make up, etc). My mom calls me downstairs and asks me to take my brother on a walk. Now, I really don't want to, and told her so. She said I had a literal week to do all my homework, but I want to get it done quickly so I can go do fun stuff like hang out with my friends, play the sax, and go swimming. I pointed out he can go on his own walk, because 1) he's 12, not 5 and 2) we live in an upper-middle class suburb that's basically one of the safest places ever. I've walked around the neighborhood at 12 at night before multiple times. So he can safely go on a walk by himself. But my mom forced me to go with him.
So I was on my phone while walking, doing a quizlet, but I noticed some moving vans near a house, and in the yard hanging out (it was pretty warm yesterday) were 2 kids that looked around my age, a girl and a guy. The girl was kinda cute, so I walked up to them, introduced myself, and asked them if they just moved in. This started a conversation. My brother asked me to stop flirting and come walk with him. I just told him it's safe for him to walk by himself. He seemed kind of angry, but walked away. I got both of their numbers and we went home. My brother was there, and my mom was mad at me for 'abandoning' him. I don't see why. Like I said, my brother's 12 and in a safe suburban neighborhood. There's no need for me to accompany him.
Am I in the right here, or aita?
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"description": "not supporting my partner's new job prospect",
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|
AITA for not supporting my partner’s new job prospect?
|
I have lived with my partner for a year, we’ve been together for over three. We have a small, one bed room in NJ that we would not be able to afford independently of each other.
My partner works a job that she has slowly grown to hate, and is in the process of applying elsewhere. Recently, a company she loves reached out to her and offered her a new position, seemingly tailor made to her qualifications. She has now had two phone interviews with a senior manager that went really well.
Problem is, it requires relocation to Philadelphia within a month or so of accepting the position. It’s a job for better pay and benefits, in a field she’s interested in.
I’m a special ed teacher. My contract runs until the end of June, our lease is up in August. My partner seems to think that she can commute to Philly until our lease is up and then relocate permanently.
I have no interest in leaving my job, my family, the state that I grew up in, that is my home. AITA for not being excited for her/pointing out realistic obstacles to her accepting this job?
|
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| null |
AITA-Roommate Doesn't Share in Chores?
|
Last June I moved into a new place with two friends, Felicity & Angela (all three early 30sF). Angela and I had previously lived in a different house and a big reason we wanted to leave the last place was because our old roommates were apparently averse to cleaning. (They had a dog, never vacuumed, etc).
We all work long hours with our jobs and don't tend to have a lot of time in the evenings – get home, food, maybe tv, bed. For the most part no one has a wild social life Mon-Thurs/Fri. Weekends are when we tend to get chores done.
Since moving in, Felicity and I have made a concerted effort to participate in & share chores on the weekends. As far as we can see, this effort is not shared by Angela. She has mentioned before that she sometimes “feels like we may think she doesn't help clean, but she usually does cleaning on Monday's when she works from home.” The thought is great I guess, but I am at a loss as to what she cleans on Mondays after we have done it all on Saturday or Sunday... And it's genuinely not something Felicity and I schedule ahead of time, we just understand that as adults we need to take the time and make the effort to do these chores and sometimes that means sacrificing couch time or sleeping in late.
We haven’t had a conversation about this yet, but seriously - we shouldn't have to spend every weekend making un-subtle comments about how often we vacuum/mop/fill-in-the-blank-with-nearly-any-chore-here to get an adult to help clean her house without being asked, should we? (In the most pathetic defense possible for Felicity and I here, Angela suffers from anxiety and is a PhD student. Confrontational conversations can appear as "attacks" & she often does some work on the weekends eg. grading and reading, though she has shorter work hours than us during the week. We fully plan to bring this whole thing up in May when we get around to signing a new lease but right now it’s awkward)
This past Sunday I was up before 8am to start cooking/cleaning to have guests over to watch the Oscars. Felicity joined in the cleaning and prep work when she rolled out of bed at 11. Angela got up around 11 as well, proceeded to walk through the kitchen as I was mopping it to sit at her desk for a bit. She then retreated to her room until 4, after I had turned on the red carpet. She moved out to the couch with a book to watch the feed as we started to move furniture and vacuum the living/dining area. I was fuming at this point in time, and as she pulled up her feet when we vacuumed under her I said "sorry, we'll be out of your way shortly."
Angela left the house without a word while I Felicity and I were taking out the garbage- I came back to see her car pulling away. I had originally been under the impression that she was going to watch the Oscars with us and my guests, but she ended up watching somewhere else.
Maybe I just needed a void to vent my frustrations to.
Am I missing something here? AITA?
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b107d5
|
{
"description": "reading while my boyfriend and I are eating dinner",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For reading while my boyfriend and I are eating dinner?
|
We normally eat dinner in front of the TV so it's not like we're actually having a sit down dinner at the dinner table. I like to read while I'm eating and will sometimes scroll through Reddit or read a book on my phone but my boyfriend thinks it's rude and gets upset but I think he's being silly.
I would totally think it was rude if we were out to dinner or having dinner at the table but if we're just slobbing it in front of the TV I don't see the problem. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
1zulDZtYYOg0anObaGXEAv8bPMLNgzYI
|
9xt3tq
|
{
"description": "not letting my friend lie on their college applications",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting my friend lie on their college applications?
|
Some background: I'm a high schooler working (paid) in a position at a small office essentially overseeing unpaid interns. I got this job because I had been an intern for a long time previously, and was promoted when the previous manager left.
I was an intern alongside my friend when I got promoted. As a manager I noticed that most of the time my friend was just on his phone and browsing the internet most of the time instead of doing the work. To be fair, most of what we do is data entering which can get fairly monotonous. I can understand my friend for slacking off because at the end of the day he's and unpaid intern just volunteering for the experience.
However, today my friend sent me a draft of one of his college essays talking about his internship at the office, and he completely lied about some the things he did there. For example, he said that he was promoted to senior intern for his work (there never was a promotion). He said he was tasked in this new position to delegate and oversee new interns and had the freedom to create and manage projects (thats my job). He said he had conversations with the head of the office to improve the projects (I'm not even sure the head remembers his name). Finally, he said that he was leading a particular project we were doing that I actually supervised.
Essentially, my friend was saying on his college applications he was doing the job I'm doing, while not even fully doing his duties as a regular intern. When I asked him about it, he straight up admitted he was lying but said I shouldn't care since it wouldn't affect me any (we're not applying to the same schools). I basically told him that I would make sure the person who promoted me at the office (the head of the entire intern program) would follow up with the colleges he's applying to, so he should change his essay to make it reflect the truth. I can understand embelleshing your achievments, but not straight up fabricating them. Now he thinks I'm an asshole.
Am I?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
1TeNYMgjwf2ESno5HtL1jVKOkHJ79eDQ
|
ajuww7
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give my mom money",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For Not Wanting To Give My Mom Money?
|
I was promised my whole life that as long as I went to college I wouldn't have to pay any kind of rent, just my phone payment and car payment. I currently just got a job full time making about 12.90 an hour while I'm also going to college full time, I'm trying to save enough money so that I can afford to go to school and not end up with a huge debt on my hands.
So My dad just got a new job that pays a lot less money than his old one and my parents are currently strapped for cash but my dad is still blowing his paychecks on stupid things like candy and soda. My mom called me into our living room yesterday to tell me she's going to start charging me rent because money is tight. I told her that I won't do it because for one I was promised that I would be able to stay living at home for free as long as I was attending college and for two why do I have to make up for the money my father carelessly spends. It's not my fault that they don't choose to budget their money. I just recently lent her 100 dollars that I didn't really have to give her on the promise that I would get it back by payday. Payday was yesterday and she told that I didn't need it back and that she'll keep it just in case she needs it.
So I am asking my fellow redditors, am I an asshole for not wanting to give my mom money?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
hvoRMOz2x7TgaYuJkDmqUvHsj6rLOGKG
|
akbjvt
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hear the details about a bachelorette party my wife went to",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hear the details about a bachelorette party my wife went to
|
Throwaway because reasons. My wife went to her cousin's bachelorette party and took my niece with her (she's 18 freshman in college). She offered my niece if she wanted to go with her and I was fine with it so long as my niece could be open with her mom. I was happy for my wife because I understand she's happy for her cousin and I honestly try to be as supportive as possible especially if I think my insecurities get the better of me.
So drop them off wish them the best and to enjoy their night. I get a text around midnight that they were ready to be picked up. I head out with my 4 year old and 2 year old to pick them up (neither of them drive plus my wife was drinking) once I pick them up I hear from one of the other guests that they really enjoyed the stripper yada yada. Mind you my wife made shorthanded comments joking about going to the bank for singles. I asked her point blank and she gave me a vague (well duh it's a bachelorette party) I kind of shrug and then remind her how she's been with me in situations of just hanging with my friends and how she would react to a scenario like that. I don't make a fuss and let it go say no big deal.
I understand I don't doubt her one bit but it bugs the shit out of me that she lacks the perspective that if i don't ask for details maybe you should keep it to yourself. I trust her and if you had fun awesome! But it took about 4 times for me tell her that yes I trust her but that doesn't mean I want the details of said cool girl time debauchery. Knowing full well she's been on my balls calling to check on me every 30 minutes if I play DnD with friends or running errands with my mom and getting checked up on as if I might be having an affair right in front my mom (my mom would strangle me herself considering her previous relationships).
Am I the asshole here? I just wanted her to have fun and I wasn't interested to know the details. I trust her but it fuckin kills me she has a horrible double standard. I honestly feel if i enjoy something without her she will guilt trip the shit out of me if she wasn't there. This moment just hit me to the point where I realized I might be done with this shit.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
0JrI1V7bvu6mzKO07s7rasgW3s4XWzgV
|
abw4rv
|
{
"description": "eating my friends pop tart",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for eating my friends pop tart
|
HE was really getting on my nerves and kept bragging about how good he was at Mario kart. so when he left to go to the washroom I ate his pop tart. I fell bad now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
hOv5ieGgbppUauoMrnK4InMe2YAnHhcI
|
aguq27
|
{
"description": "calling my anti semitic teacher a motherf",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for calling my anti semitic teacher a motherf*****?
|
I am in the 12th grade. I have a PE tacher who is a huge anti semite (even though no Jews live in my country). I have some Jewish friends online (gaming bros) and I could not tolerate his anti semitic comments and ended up calling him a motherf***** during my PE class.
Thankfully, the dean took no serious action and left me with a strict warning. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
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