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wVfw8OF7s8pu3rY4ZZeicgCeIcNMTA4R
|
a6k8s0
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{
"description": "not allowing my bf's younger brother to come hang out out with us for the 3 days he gets to visit me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for not allowing my (26f) bf's(24m) younger brother (19m) to come hang out out with us for the 3 days he gets to visit me?
|
So my bf and I were talking and I randomly mentioned "it would be nice to get to hang out with your brother while you're home". I said that, but knew it wouldn't work because of the distance issue. My boyfriend is coming home to visit for 7 days, most of his time will be visiting his family, but for 3 of those days, he will get to visit me. The distance issue is that I live 2 hours away. I'm planning on driving down to pick him up and drop him off. He wont have a car and his brother wont have a car. I would stay down where his parents are if his parents were not so dysfunctional. They are really hard people to be around. So I am understanding as to why my boyfriend wants his brother to come with us/ why the brother wants to leave, but now I have to ask my parents if they mind as well as miss the quality time I would have if it is just me and my boyfriend.
I haven't seen my bf in months due to him moving across the country. I would love to hang out with his brother for maybe a few hours when I come down to pick my boyfriend up, and a few hours when I drop my boyfriend back off, but I definitely just want my boyfriend to myself. I've been waiting to see my boyfriend for so long and now I feel like I'm in a tricky situation.
The other piece is that my boyfriend hasn't seen his brother in a year due to his brother having to go to a wilderness school. Which was terrible. They have a lot of catching up to do, and I feel like they'll need privacy and space to talk about things, I just dont think coming to visit me and my parents will give them that space.
Last piece, I'm gonna be seeing my boyfriend at the end of January for a week when I go out to visit him.
I just feel like I'm being an asshole wanting him all to myself.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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b6psyb
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{
"description": "asking for money",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for asking for money?
|
First off, sorry, no way this is not going to sound at least somewhat braggy (not my intention though).
**Tl;dr:** My parents never complained about me spending/asking for money, so I started asking for more. AITA?
I (M19) have absolutely no idea how much money my parents have or make, they never told me and they are very secretive about it (everything related to their work or income is locked up in secure lockers). It is probably quite much, judging by the size of the house and how easily they seem to spend/lend it.
I'm currently studying CS in X city, and I still live at their house in another city. They cover all my education- and health-related expenses. What I've noticed is that, as long as I can give them a reason, they'll pay for pretty much anything. Examples:
1) I wanted a new laptop for university, but after buying myself a low-end laptop because it was cheaper in high-school, I didn't want another one that would be almost unusable 1 year later, so I asked for a good one. They immediately ordered the one I wanted.
2) I thought it would be nice to watch some TV from bed and ordered myself a big tv and wall mount for 2.5k, when I (jokingly) asked them if they would pay a part, they agreed to 50:50. *--> here is where it dawned to me*
3) I told them I disliked 2nd class in trains because it's more crowded. They simply asked why I didn't just buy the 1st class ticket. *--> now it was clear*
Because of that I've started to ask for money more often, e.g. for PC parts or flight tickets. I wonder if it's wrong to do this. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
DpTjo0fatwc6HgQ8gMgJtpTGFTkqMVLK
|
ask6ul
|
{
"description": "booking a new room on a group trip",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for booking a new room on a group trip
|
Hi all!
Throw away so that I don’t accidentally dox myself, since this is a bit specific.
My group of friends has been taking a ski trip annually for 6 years. Through those years, the group has grown to about 25 people. This year, between 22 and 25 people will be attending.
One person in the group (we’ll call him “Sam”) always rents the house for everyone to stay in, and we pay him directly. Payment determines your rank in who gets first choice in beds. First to pay gets first choice, etc. This year, there is enough room for 17 people to get a bed, if every bed that is larger than a twin has two people in it. Everyone is paying over $300 per person to attend.
My fiancé and I are both going on the trip. We got to talking about it with another couple, and we felt that we’d be better off getting a condo nearby the house (within 1.5 miles) to guarantee that we get beds and are able to enjoy the trip. Sam would not be losing any money by us doing this, as he only needed 16 people in order to recoup his money, and 18 people minimum have committed when you take the 4 of us out of the equation.
We brought this idea up to Sam earlier in the day, and didn’t hear back before we had to make a decision on the condo. After discussing further, we decided to book it, thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal and that everyone would be better off. More butts in beds, no one is out any money.
Unfortunately, Sam and a few others seem to be pretty upset with us, insinuating that we’re screwing up the trip. They don’t understand why we care about having a bed, when there is room for air mattresses and the like. Plus, they’re upset that we won’t be with the group the whole time, even though we plan on hanging out at the house to do everything but sleep.
So, before this gets any longer, are we the assholes for booking this separate condo on a group trip?
TLDR: Group books large ski trip for multiple years running. My fiancé, me, and another couple decide to book a condo separate from the group so we can have beds and more people in the main house have beds too. No one is out money in this scenario, but people are upset that we won’t be staying with the group. AWTA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
atmwh8
|
{
"description": "abandoning my best friend and ex for dating each other",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for abandoning my best friend and ex for dating each other?
|
Throwaway for personal reasons. My ex just broke up with me. I asked him that if he finds someone else to please not date any of my friends. He does it anyway. Out of anger and jealousy, I've shunned him and my friend and haven't talked to either of them since. Am I right for feeling and acting this way or am I being an immature asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ddqt6ZOuPERFhuZgpOvwfZTD9Bq7fECA
|
b6ujat
|
{
"description": "expecting fair Quid Pro Quo with my Father",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for expecting fair Quid Pro Quo with my Father?
|
**Background:**
Currently I am a 19 year old living with my father as a full time college student attending a local community college to finish gen eds and a little bit of major classes before transferring off to the big University in the near by city. I have succeeded solely on self-motivation and have done pretty well in school, averaging among the top of my class and President of a couple clubs.
At about 13 I started working with father's landscaping company. Landscaping is busiest in the spring around finals. This meant that I was super stressed around this time. I also really did not have a 'summer vacation'. He was making 6x what I was for near the same work. To which he says he only does it to pay for child support. A lot of the insane profit margins is him cutting corners. Working conditions were 8-13 hour days, sometimes upwards of 90+ degrees with high humidity, uncaring of mild illness or injury (rolled ankle), and sometimes dangerous (provided improper footwear with spinning mechanical equipment on wet slopes) for a minor. I toughed it out through most of this, though flipping out on occasion. This past year I did at least 50-70% of the physical labor. Over the past 5 years he has easily made 100k profits off of me.
Originally I planned to shoot through college as quickly as possible. Taking courses in quick succession and taking on debt if need be. He would neither loan me money, cosign on a loan, or pay any substantial sum of the cost (he has 400k just in stocks). Also a strong implication was placed on 'I want you to work this summer and fall instead of taking classes to pay for part of college, or else'. In response I procured a joint venture of expanding and fully legitimizing the business into proper form. The response was along the lines of 'no I want out' and 'you cant handle that and college'. So the residual situation is a very inefficient small business startup where I am to juggle my own jobs, (using vehicles/equipment only at his approval) his jobs, and remaining school.
**On to the issue:**
The background leads up to my current state.
Last night I flipped out on him for being an asshole over the current situation. He thinks I am the asshole over it. He makes schedules completely going against my plans and jobs, stealing my time and needed equipment out from under me. For example yesterday he took the s10 out and it started 'having issues' so it is now in the shop. I asked for the usage of one of his trucks since I had a job planned for today, rejected. Likewise I asked him 4 days ago if he could go out and give me a second opinion on a bid, he found ways to be busy all day every day and then said he was going out with his girlfriend early on Friday. Last week however, I was forced to chauffeur him around all day for a dozen different estimates that he could have done on his own.
He also rejects most reforms or compromises to life or business systems.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
YdFIHMkHb2myUp4xm7VR2uQNvWEFNoV4
|
ayqe4b
|
{
"description": "spereating myself from a friend because of Playstation drama",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for spereating myself from a friend because of Playstation drama?
|
Sorry about formatting, I'm on mobile.
I've tried to post this several times, but it's gone through weird
To give you an idea of how much this is, my first attempt at writing this was about 7500 words. I'll keep it brief. I got into a fight with this guy on PlayStation. Everyone (in the party) agrees he has an ego problem. I'm pretty sure I have one to, but it's not near as extreme as this other guy. I've had a friend swayed over to playing for honor (a notoriously toxic game) with a notoriously toxic person, while being of a notoriously toxic age. I've known this friend for a while, so me being torn from him by these people was a bit crushing. After I'd been kicked from one too many parties (me and the rude guy had arguments constantly and, because he has no confidence, he kicks when he's routed) I got into an argument with my friend about it and he ended up blocking me on 2 separate platforms. I plan on trying to be friends with him later, during the next marching band season at my school, I think because he's a freshman and I wasn't the most stable guy around at the time, we'll be better suited to being around each other when we both become more mature. I was told the group I'd left had bonded through their hatred of me, and that the annoying coward leader is still shouting commands to this day. Sorry if this isn't conveyed correctly, or if it needs info, my 7000+ word version covered everything in extreme detail, and if you guys want, I'll post it in a Google doc and share the link. Thank you.
End of original post, I can fit more detail
My and the guy I've argued with do argue way too much, so I try to stop, but I get angry easily and prepetuate it
Almost everyone has a problem with the guy I argue with, but he's a high rep in for honor so they respect him
I've occasionally had problems with my friend before, but he's much better than he used to be, and I still need to grow
I have completely shut off contact with the party, except for 2 people (the friend and someone else who's calm)
I am trying my hardest to not cause conflicts and to leave that group alone.
Let me know if I need more detail. Thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
ST2iKDlbScWKIeSjT2PyVupsKMbMh8mJ
|
b5wt1e
|
{
"description": "saying I dont know if we are friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying I dont know if we are friends?
|
I recently got a job and started to work with people I see everyday and one had asked me if I was their friend. So I told them well I don't know yet as I have not worked with you long enough to know who you are and they took it in the wrong way and got a little upset am I wrong for not telling them that we are friends?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
qjx4nN2qFsX7iIrHTsSIniHJqKEfoMQC
|
aq207d
|
{
"description": "not wanting my dad to go to El Salvador to visit my 86 year old grandparents",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my dad to go to El Salvador to visit my 86 year old grandparents?
|
So, my dad says he really wants to go to El Salvador soon because he wants to see his parents who because of their age may not have soon. My grandpa is doing fine right now but he has had brain surgery in the past and can't walk like he used to. My grandmother has a pacemaker and although she's still in good shape too she's also had her health problems in the past. He last saw them in LA last September cause they went to visit my aunt but my grandpa felt hella uncomfortable and I don't think they wanna come to the states again cause they get really homesick. He loves his parents very much and I love my grandparents too and I totally get where he's coming from.
However, El Salvador is a hella dangerous country. There's a lot of crime and a while lotta gangs. Civilians over there live at risk and the tourists have to watch over their backs even more. People have been robbed, kidnapped and even killed simply cause they're from the USA. My dad is in his 60s so it's not like he could fend anyone off. The other thing to consider is that my grandparents live 2 hours away from the airport. That's a long time when you're driving on badly maintained roads and around people looking to rob you roadside. Even if he goes for one or two days I would not feel well. Plus, my family themselves have had bad experiences with people over there. One of my uncles got pulled into the side of the road and a group of guys robbed him and tied him to a tree. I've had cousins beaten up by gang members. My aunt has been robbed twice. And my other aunt has been threatened by gang members over there too. All in all, I get why he wants to go see his parents as much as possible during his final years but every second he's over there, a dark cloud of pessimism resides over me that something bad will happen.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
rBPjPGEOpjcyAo5bjuSEvFF6Q9qr4Goq
|
ajn1qi
|
{
"description": "not wanting my stepdad to go to a contract signing",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my stepdad to go to a contract signing?
|
I got an offer for an internship by a company through my school. They asked me to come down to sign the internship contract. My stepfather asks me to email them and ask for a soft copy of the contract to let him see it.
The company declines. He is now beside me, following me to the company HQ. I really REALLY want to ditch him at the next stop and make my way there myself.
On one hand, he is really experienced and if the contract is in any way shady, he can help me not get screwed.
On the other hand, I feel like an absolute child having a parent do this in front of my future employer.
AITA for wanting to just ditch him? I can feel the guilt already.
Background: I am 18 but legal age here is 21. The company is on my school’s ‘invited list’ so it’s been vetted by the school already. AND THERE IS ALREADY AN INTERN CURRENTLY THERE FROM MY SCHOOL THAT IS DOING JUST FINE.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
BqxBlTyVxRxdyB9RmRaS8znbKuHYpay3
|
a43dtg
|
{
"description": "hiding my eating disorder",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for hiding my eating disorder?
|
I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years. From the ages of 16-18. He knew I had body image issues and an eating disorder when I was a pre-teen, and at one point, my eating disorder came back. Full force. I was not taking care of myself, writing down calories, using a pro-ana website, abusing lax, a lot of stuff that was just awful. It was november of 2017 when it really started so I was 17 and he was just turning 17 in a few months. About 1-2 months into it, I finally got the courage to tell him because it was all getting out of hand and I wanted to tell someone that genuinely cared about me and that I knew loved me. I did it and his response was "Why do you care what other people think of you?" and "I feel like I failed".
When we started dating, he told me about a past relationship with a girl who had dealt with an eating disorder, but it was a short relationship in 9 grade(3 years before), so he made it seem like he knew how to handle it at the time, until I told him. I tried to tell him that it wasn't about other peoples thoughts, and that it wasn't his fault, and it made me feel so guilty. He kept doing it for about a week so at one point, I couldn't handle it and I told him I was better. I tried to tell him that it wasn't about other people or his fault. He would bring it up every night and the guilt just kept building up.
Over time, my eating disorder went back and forth. Feeling bad and then being ok again. 5 months later, he visits for my birthday(since we were long distance). He finds a journal I had just sitting in my closet of calories I had counted. I jumped on him to take it away because I didn't want him to find it. I pretended it was something else. I was starting to feel ok again and I wasn't ready. I was too scared of a similar reaction again.
Thinking about it now, I completely see where I went wrong. We were both so young so I understand that he wouldn't have known how to completely react, even after explanation. But is it all my fault? Since the breakup has ended, he has brought it up. After I've apologized, he has told me that he's still hurt that I hid it from him, bringing up that he didn't know how to react(repeating what I apologized to him for as if I'm validating his reaction). He doesn't seem to bring up anything he did, but maybe he didn't do anything? I got really scared when it was happening, so it felt like a kick in the heart when he reacted the way he did (even after explanation). I opened myself up after having such a hard time for so long, and I had such a hard time dealing with it after seeing his reaction. I was so vulnerable, and I felt like I could turn to him before I did it.
I understand that I should have just come to him again, ignoring the fear, because he still just didn't understand and I should have understood that... but was I completely wrong? Am I the asshole? I know I am for a lot, but am I 100% the asshole? When he brought it up recently I didn't know how to respond. I want to show him that I'm sorry, because he's a good guy, but I don't know what to do. He says that he just made a mistake. That it was just a mistake.
Am I 100% the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
WDSJquk3tXtXdDMTqbIlE4x86rCFAm6T
|
arafoo
|
{
"description": "asking my dad to not invite his girlfriend on a trip we've been planning",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my dad to not invite his girlfriend on a trip we've been planning?
|
My dad's girlfriend is a great person to be around and I like her a lot, but my dad lives in Colorado and I, Iowa, so I don't get to see him often. We are planning a week-long fishing trip in Colorado this summer. Camping, fishing, drinking, what you would expect of a guys weekend. I just worry that my dad will invite his girlfriend on this trip. Like I said, I like her, I just want this time with my dad. Time to bond as I haven't lived in the same town as him in the last decade. Thanks all.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
2sHQVsuJPrm5KvI7ob94eUb3o1UWQLpe
|
9w9lik
|
{
"description": "me playing with a friend while waiting for my gf after telling her I'd play with her",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for me [18M] playing with a friend while waiting for my gf [19F] after telling her I’d play with her
|
To start out I wanted to say that this may seem pretty immature, but it’s importsnt to me. My gf and I have been together for almost two years, and I love her dearly. We fight a lot, but usually it’s not a problem—until today. Last night we talked about playing League of Legends tomorrow, as tomorrow is the last day of the ranked season. When I woke up this morning, after doing the usual, I logged on at around 11:30 to start playing. I messaged her, but she didn’t respond so I assumed she was asleep (on weekends she sleeps in late to recover from lack of sleep from school), so I messaged one of my good friends from HS and we started playing until she could play. After the first 2-3 I would check my phone to see if she was awake yet, which she wasn’t. After about 4 games I just stopped checking assuming she had something else to do. Well we were halfway through a game when she messaged me through the game. She was mad that I had started playing without her, and felt that I didn’t want to play with her. I tried to tell her id gladlymplay next with her, but I guess the damage is done. She refused to talk to me, and hasn’t answered my calls. Apparently she went in to work to try and get her mind off it. She just recently messaged me her on her break that she “needed to have a serious talk.” Am I the asshole for playing with my friend while waiting for her to log on after we agreed to play?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
8wTOJLnF2nkn6ZF2r7cXGrGzxMu721BV
|
av09m1
|
{
"description": "going to prom alone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for going to prom alone?
|
This happened a few years ago, but I still feel bad about it, and wonder if I should have acted differently.
I was a senior in high school, and prom was coming up. I was an awkward guy, never had a girlfriend, had a hard time talking to people. I had a massive crush on a girl, J. J and I were kinda friendly, she would go out of her way to talk to me, hang out with me, and I had the impression that she was interested in me, but I didn't have the courage to make a move. Classic story, you all know it. I was determined to ask J to the prom. I had been wanting to all year, and as it approached I kept working up the resolve to do it.
One afternoon, I was alone in one of the classrooms, working on a project. The door opened, and in walked three girls, C and two friends. I had known C for a long time, but never really been close to her. They walked up to me, and C sheepishly asked if I had a prom date yet. I froze. C was about to ask me to prom, and I was still working up the courage to ask J. Here's the thing, I had no interest in C. I had the teenage mantality that you're supposed to go to prom with your big crush, and it's supposed to be a big romantic event. I didn't want to go with C, I wanted to go with J. But as I said, I was very awkward. So in response, I stammered sonething about not being available that weekend. C immediately looked crestfallen, and rushed out of the room, her friends consoling her. I felt awful. But I really wanted to go with J.
A couple weeks or so before prom, I finally managed it. J had sat beside me before class, and was talking to me. During a lull, I mustered my resolve, and asked if she had a date for prom. She did. She was going with S, a guy in our friend circle. My heart dropped to the floor. So much for my romantic dreams.
Thing is, I wanted to go to prom. I was 17, this was a big deal. Everyone goes to their prom. You tell your future kids the story. I had to go. But I couldn't bring myself to approach C, after what had happened...and besides, she must have asked someone else by now, right? So...I went alone. I was the only person to show up without a date. I kept watching the doorway for C...and she never showed. She didn't go at all. I spent the evening on the sidelines, watching J and S dance together and fighting back jealousy.
To this day I feel bad about it, but at the same time I don't know if I was wrong to decline C since I was planning to ask J at the time. So...am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b97f7q
|
{
"description": "giving my sister an empty cup",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for giving my sister an empty cup?
|
This happened years ago but it haunts me to this day
My family is all hanging out together and my older sister asks me to get a cup, I agree
I get up grab a cup from the kitchen and i bring it to her
When i hand her the empty cup she gives me the meanest stink eye and calls me stupid for not putting water in the cup
I try to defend myself saying she just said “bring me a cup” but she doesn’t accept that
And my family thought i was TAH
But I really think I wasn’t
Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
KiyLfqfQOd6vemStcC6psbz3tSTOvkLl
|
asq2z0
|
{
"description": "I asking my gf f if she still talks to a guy she slept with before we started dating",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I m(18) ask my gf f(20) if she still talks to a guy she slept with before we started dating?
|
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for around 2 months. We met each other on tinder and things have been going pretty well so far.
A while ago (maybe the first couple of weeks we started dating) we talked about people we have met on tinder. She didn’t really mention anything specific except for this one guy who she described as “One of the only people she doesn’t regret hooking up with.”
This never really bothered me until recently when it just popped in my head I suppose.
I feel as though I trust her, I would just feel uncomfortable knowing she is hanging out with some guy she only really knows because they slept together.
So WIBTA if I ask her if she still talks to him/hangs out with him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
loN0mgVYMzBmMM5TmnlWWAmg10PK0c5r
|
axo6tl
|
{
"description": "looking at porn with an ADULT woman just because my girlfriend think she looks \"too young\"",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for looking at porn with an ADULT woman just because my girlfriend think she looks "too young"?
|
So a couple of months back I discovered this really cute Ukrainian model, she only did like softcore photo shoots and stuff like that but I dont really mind that too much. I found a few galleries of her online and because those get taken down sometimes because of copyright and stuff I saved them on a USB stick.
A few months later I'd kind of forgotten about this and my girlfriend asked me whether I had a USB since she needed one so I gave her mine. Next day she texts me asking why the fuck I have porn with a girl who looks like a fourteen year old. That threw me off but then I remembered what she was talking about. The model in question was actually 22 or so in those shoots though so definitely not underaged.
She did kind of have a youthful face, I guess, soft, roundish face, small chin and relatively wide midface. So that possibly makes her look a bit young.
I tried to explain it to her how she's actually 22 in those pictures and it's probably subjective if she even looks young. She said that might be true but what does that say about me when I specifically saved pics of a woman because she possibly looks quite young, which I thought was fucked up because she was basically insinuating that I was a hebephile.
I told her I'd get a second opinion on the girls looks and send one of the SFW pictures where she's outside playing with a kitten to a friend asking him what age he thought the girl was. He replied he thought 15 or 14 or so and jokingly, I must add, asked why I was stalking teens on Facebook. When I explained the situation to him he wanted to know the girls name ...
Anyway this didn't really help my case so now my girlfriend basically more or less thinks that I like younger girls even though Im not a hebephile and I didn't look at anything illegal. Am I the asshole for looking at porn with this girl who is completely legal but possibly young looking to some? Also she's not opposed to porn in general, we both look at some.
I posted this on the relationship subreddit yesterday and they basically said I was a creep for looking at this adult woman and that I'm probably into young girls so I'm looking for a second opinion.
----------
**tl;dr**: Girlfriend found porn I saved with a girl who she thought looked "too young". Now she probably thinks I'm actually into younger girls. Am I in the wrong here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
5zaLjlhzzASFxJDYB2Pwky9wxnDJjV2v
|
a587ho
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to multiple holiday celebrations with the same family members",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to multiple holiday celebrations with the same family members?
|
My immediate family, who all things considered are quite lovely, live 2 hours away and have coordinated a day (not Christmas) for folks to get together and celebrate when everyone is free. I was excited because this basically freed up my holiday week to have a sort of mini vacation without any schedule obligations. Now however I'm getting pressured to still come over on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in addition to our scheduled day. I know I could just tell them I have other plans, but I'm feeling a lot of guilt because of general expectations to spend the holidays with family. Am I a grinch if I'd rather just stay at home and decorative cookies with my girlfriend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
pd90pFXmsrSYSqWzkFSQh6S0MNqZAXKc
|
b93ilp
| null |
AITA Fooled around with a cocky alpha male without telling him I’m a crossdresser
|
I am pretty open about who I am. I don’t try to misrepresent myself. Outside of work and the gym I live me life en femme and have for six years (I am currently 28). I am 100% passable. Never get a funny look or a question. Men flirt with me daily everywhere I go. I'm petite and Asian and naturally feminine.
I live in the part of a major city that's associated with alternate lifestyles. I frequent a coffee shop just on the edge of the neighborhood and near a rougher part of town and the interstate.
For a while now I've seen the same guy in there and he does not take NO for an answer. He's a big, buff Hispanic dude who drives a big ass truck with an NRA sticker and has a thing for Asians, as he frequently tells me in a pretty crass way.
He says he doesn't like "illegals" or "the gay agenda." But he definitely likes me...
There was no point in dating since we have nothing in common. He said he just wanted to "get to know me.” But it was evident that chat at the coffee shop wasn’t enough. He was obviously looking for sex.
So I offered him head if he'd stop hitting on me after. It took him about 3 second to make that decision. We go to the parking lot and he pulls his big as truck into a spot far away from everyone else.
I’m the type who doesn’t get hung up on small details like gender when it comes to attraction, but I’m aware that not everyone feels that way. Despite hitting on me for months I knew he might feel different if he knew what was under my skirt and so I wanted to make that perfectly clear.
I told him that there’s something he needs to know and he quickly shushed me and started to unzip. I started to say something a second time and he made a comment along the lines of “you’re not backing out are you? You’re the one who made the offer!”
And then he pushed my head down. Not so hard that I couldn’t have stopped him. But definitely forcefully. At that point I gave up and gave him head. He was happy and I enjoyed it.
Maybe he knows my secret? Or maybe he’s indifferent?
Either way, the deal didn’t work out as I hoped anyway. Instead of losing interest he is still hitting on me. More aggressively now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
YZ4OktUcMOenFIgfJA3EodN3FNywzrXB
|
ann5g3
|
{
"description": "wanting to break up with my gf even though her grandpa has cancer and I am her only support right now",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to break up with my GF even though her grandpa has cancer and i am her only support right now?
|
I have had these feelings for a while now that I don't feel happy anymore and I need some time to find myself before settling down for real. I love her but o honestly think we are better off as friends as most the time I feel annoyed or irritated when she pushes me to be more affectionate. She is very clingy which drives me insane, no matter how many times I tell her nothing changes. Her grandpa just got diagnosed and is starting treatment and with her family being about 3 and a half hours away, I am her only support. If we do breakup, I will have to move out leaving her on her own with all that stress. I love her but it's not fair to her that I am not invested in the relationship anymore. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
l7buImuZTqij6pYFhpYEAC002c2Djmiw
|
aute3t
|
{
"description": "telling my boss while he's on a work trip that I do not want to train his new employee",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I tell my boss while he's on a work trip that I do not want to train his new employee
|
When I started my job, I honestly loved it. Since then, my manager's boss got fired which caused a chain of events and led to a major management change. My manager no longer had any under him and our small team of 4 in a large company got broken into two smaller teams of 2 under different managers. My close co-worker and I got placed under one of those "professional managers" who don't really know what you do and my ex-manager and his co-worker got placed under another new manager they promoted from an overseas office and moved to our location.
Ex-manager quickly quit for obvious reasons (losing his position) and his co-worker stuck up with it a little longer but eventually got fed up with and left. This left an odd team dynamic as it left two people under the management of two people. I'm sure it doesn't take a professional to realize how this is a terrible idea. The new overseas manager wanted to replace his team so he started looking for new hires. My co-worker already did everything in the job description for this role since we've had to fill in, he just didn't have the title or pay increase. Many people were shocked that he wasn't immediately offered the job and that they were even considering an outside hire. (I'd like to note here that he and I were doing just fine with the two of us and had someone helping us with more trivial day to day tasks)
Managers told him that he wouldn't be getting the role and they hired someone from outside the company. This upset him... a lot... putting it lightly. He was essentially denied the title and pay for the work he's already doing.
Today the new guy started. His manager is on a business trip at his old office, so my manager has been handling his start. Right off the bat I knew he wasn't a good fit. The new guy is easily in his 50s and very overweight. Now before someone accuses me of ageism and body shaming, my job often consists of crawling under tables, climbing up ladders and carrying heavy-ish equipment when installing new technology. I don't think I'm wrong to assume he will not be helpful in these areas. I tried to keep an open mind though and talk with him for a while. When trying to show him some of our job or have him shadow me while working, he would be constantly talking over me and try to piggy back on what I was saying. You know, those people who try to finish your sentences to try to prove they already know what you're saying? The final straw is when I got called to troubleshoot something, he met me there. While I was assessing the issue, he starts telling me what to do. I just said, "I know" and walked away. The worst part is that most of what he was saying was wrong.
As I said, his boss who is indirectly also mine is out of town and is expecting me and my co-worker to train. WIBTA if I told him no? I also don't want my job on the line.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
ErriXwl0aZi6IGVEGnp10XxKoO1m0PQT
|
aj919d
|
{
"description": "being annoyed at the fact the my dad doesn't seem to appreciate all I do around the house",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at the fact the my dad doesn't seem to appreciate all I do around the house.
|
Now I know this is probably just going to sound like a teenager rambling about doing chores. While that is a part of it, that's not what annoys me.
I (17M) have multiple chores around the house that my dad (46)", dad's GF, 3 dogs, and I live in. Those chores include taking care of dogs (feed, water, let out, etc.) garbage, putting dishes in and out of dishwasher, cleaning whenever I'm told to (living room, bathroom, kitchen, and, obviously, my room), including others.
Now what I'm annoyed about is how I'll do all these chores daily and never get told thank you or anything for all these things as "it's expected". My dad and his gf constantly say how once I get a job, do I expect to be told thanks everyday or something along those lines. My answer would be yes, I would be doing work and would like to be appreciated, and I'd also be getting paid, unlike the chores I do as I don't get paid in way by my dad or his gf.
Another thing that happens is if I am unable to do these chores, like if I'm not at home for an extended period of time, like say visiting my mother for the weekend, he wont do anything except take care of the dogs. I'd put the dishes in the dishwasher and run it the day i leave, and they still would be in it when I got back 2-3 days later. And as soon as I get home I'm told "empty out the dishwasher", as if he couldn't do it, despite not working. Other times I'll be in the bathroom taking a shower or just taking a dump, and one of the dogs would start asking to go out, badly, and instead if doing it himself, he'll yell at me to hurry up, even if I just got in there.
Sometimes he'll be up earlier than me (which is often) and he won't take the dogs out and instead have them wait another hour or two until I wake up and have me do it, his excuses being either he wasn't dressed or the dog was sleeping, both excuses that if I used, I would've been yelled at and gotten in trouble for
Other excuses he uses to not do them are that he worked all day (which i understand and appreciate, I wouldn't even be living in the house if it wasn't for him, but you working all day doesn't mean you can't take the garbage out once or twice) or that he has to start dinner, but then doesn't start it until an hour later.
Ive tried telling him these things, but he never listens and will always say I'm just complaining about doing chores, and if I continue, backtalking, which then escalates to other things and becomes it's own little fight
Again, this isn't just me complaining about chores, i do them like I'm supposed to, I just wish I One: am thanked and appreciated for what I do and two: not have to do everything by myself and instead have my dad do it here and there
So AITA
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
CSytR7hC3vQM4WIgvOubJpan8zdp3rbl
|
avw25i
| null |
AITA - stay at home parent question.
|
So, for context. I have a 14 month old son. He just started walking, so he is getting into everything. Since november, i have been the stay at home parent whilst my wife has gone to school to be a nurse.
So, this happened this morning, but its pretty much every day. I was sick yesterday and i ended up sleeping from 4pm-9pm.
My wife asks me if i can wake her at 4 am because she has hwork. Im like "sure, baby is asleep, ill do some gaming and then take a nap between 4am abd 7am, then get up for you leaving for school" (today shes at school from 8Am-430pm).
Sp i go to wake her up at 4am. She refuses to get up. Then 430, 5 etc until its now 6am. At 620am my son is awake. So now i need to be awake. Its currently 249pm and my son has finally fallen into a nap tjat will probably last about half an hour. When my wife gets home at 445ish, i will be able to sleep... But i will end up eating dinner by myself, and missing any relaxation time (one of my hobbies is gaming and a friend of mine i game with has mainly his evenings free. Ill likely be asleep).
I cant sleep when my son is napping because i am a deep, heavy sleeper. I wont get up and something could happen to him.
AITA for wanting to tell my wife that if shes asking me to get her up at a specific time, to actually get up so i can sleep a little bit before spending my day with a waddling toddler?
(I found out about an hour or so ago that my son has a doctors apot at 11am tomorrow. More than likely that will mean me waking her up at 4am onwards, then taking him, then finally getting to sleep at around 5pm).
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
xpunOZAY6jUVm7fqY9DqlxQLnwTpjfBP
|
aogsco
| null |
AITA Mcdonalds crew member
|
So I come in two and a half hours early one of the openers didn't show up and all of the machines have something wrong with them. I'm yelling and cussing and generally complaining about it seeming like I care more than the owner. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
ND0jvPS1IxqCrHtiaIMVWw9X3fOQhdn9
|
a4mj5w
|
{
"description": "supporting lying to a suicidal person",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for supporting lying to a suicidal person?
|
Sort of a throwaway account that I mostly use to lurk. Oh boy. Where do I start?
I met my (online) friend group 3 years ago. It was essentially a support system for us, since we all had some shit going on. At the time (and presumably to this day), the one with the most fucked up daily life was this (now ex friend) friend, I'll call him Y.
We learn Y's dad is an abusive prick who should be in jail for the amount of fuckery he's done. Y has been doing every fucking thing to get away from him, like moving countries. Y is apparently a very very valuable person in the sense that he's doremisofucking good in everything he does + he's drop dead kill you with a glance gorgeous (we'd all exchanged photos and Facebooks, so yes I can at least say the "really attractive" part is true). It's why we've assumed Y-Dad wants him to take over the family business and tries to sabotage all of Y's attempts to get a life AWAY from him.
Y self-harmed, had been diagnosed with a whole bunch of crap, had already had previous suicide attempts, and generally had not been doing so well. His extended family who he'd been staying with was receptive to everything including his dad being a huge asswipe except his mental health. Here's when it went down. Y told us he won't be around for a few days... proceeded to get hospitalized and 'grounded' by his extended family for attempting suicide, again. Hell broke loose.
My other friend was furious (he still is to this day) but still supported him at the time. The rest of us were just...I don't fucking know man, how the hell are we supposed to feel when a friend we've come to know so well tries to off themselves and adamantly refuses to go to therapy? I should probably mention than the country he'd moved to was supposedly no other than ***dun dun dun*** South Korea and if the KPOP industry says ANYTHING about SK's view on mental health it's that it's virtually nonexistent to them. Our group stayed together, though aforementioned friend (let's call him L) admitted to us later on he never really forgave Y for refusing to seek help.
All seemed well. Y started getting...closer to the edge again. Another friend (more of an acquaintance to me since I found him a bit of a huge pretentious prick at times buuut that's legit not related to this), let's call him S, decided to tell Y he likes him. Thing is, Y had had a crush on S for at least a year. Y was fucking ELATED and everything was smooth sailing again!! Everyone was content. Y wasn't gonna try and off himself anytime soon! It gave us time!
Dead. Fucking. Wrong.
My memory got fuzzy over details because this all happened 1-2 years ago. I remember S broke. He said he didn't really *like* Y and only did it because he had been scared Y would try and Go Commit Die again. Y understandably was outraged at this revelation. They broke up immediately. He ranted in our group chat... and L *defended* S's decision, claiming he would have done the same. I too agreed with him. We would have done anything, fucking anything we could to keep Y alive from so far away. Had S told us before he'd told it to Y, we probably would have kept it secret.
That's where I have to ask. Were we manipulative? Were we the assholes? I want to believe we weren't, I really really want to believe we supported the right thing, but now with the whole "you can't be selfish, you can't stop someone who really wants to die to not die, you can't force them into ultimatums" thought train regarding suicide, I don't know. I just don't know.
To clarify, we all did not still stop being friends with Y over this. But I do believe it had been some form of catalyst to the overall breakdown of everyone's relationships with him.
P.S. mildly irrelevant? i guess? but S is younger than Y. I forgot the exacts but minimum of 4-5 years age gap. S was still 15-16 while Y turned legal at their time of dating. Y just last year preyed on another younger friend and dated them. She was 15. So tl;dr Y turned out to be, in essence, a pedophile.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
ptC7MikAlmnyTCW9xshrJZVKN73F1JLA
|
adr0sx
|
{
"description": "trying to make my friend take my old gaming computer",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for trying to make my friend take my old gaming computer?
|
I've been feeling a little bad about it but I just wanted to know your guys' thoughts. I'm soon to be building a new gaming computer and I wanted to give my current one to my friend. It's a middle of the pack computer(it's not bad is what I'm trying to say, would cost maybe $700 to build nowadays) and I don't really want to strip it for parts and sell it. My friend from Middle School is quite a bit less fortunate than me, he loves to play games with me but sometimes we just can't play because his computer now is too old. Here starts the story:
​
I told him I wanted to give him my current computer and he said no. After a couple weeks of "maybe, no" with him he just flat out said he feels bad and does not want it. I basically had an argument with him where I told him it makes me happy to give away my computer to an old friend, I'm not doing it as a pity party(it's not like I'm going out and buying a computer for him), we'll finally be able to play games. After a couple minutes arguing about it he finally gave in but he kind of ended it on an "okay fine I'll take it so you stop telling me to take it" kind of thing.
​
I feel bad now because I just wanted to be nice and upgrade his PC for him instead of just throwing it away, but it feels like I forced it onto him. I realize arguing with my friend to give him something is kind of dumb. He didn't want the computer because it made him feel like he was getting something for nothing, I wanted him to take it because I like giving away things(it makes me feel good) and he's one of my best friends who I felt deserved it. AITA for arguing with him about it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
xrtU2I1T40cujc7RHbyftVks7gkT0jTL
|
adg4us
|
{
"description": "signing up for Tinder recently after a break up",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA- signing up for Tinder recently after a break up.
|
Hey guys, broke up with my ex (mutually) about 3 weeks ago. Honestly in the month of October o personally felt I was done with it due to all the term oil.
In November I was going through mental burnout and physical burnout and it caused some really shitty days. I am on the road to recovery now.
Anywho! I signed up for tinder shortly after and an he doesn't know about and I also don't see her on it anyways. I'm just wondering if it was the right move and if I am the asshole I can always delete it.
And yeah, shortly after we broke up. Inside I didn't feel it anymore. Oh, and have never cheated just FYI.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
4cTIJKIaUbk5nBjGomqhUmcPvNEuO4MP
|
aovn5o
|
{
"description": "asking my friend to help pay for my car",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I asked my friend to help pay for my car
|
So what happened was me and my friend got out of class and I had another class on the other side of campus. I decided to drive over there and my friend was asking for a ride and after I said no he opened the door anyways and got in. I drove him to his car, it wasn't that out of the way. I was waiting for him to get off and he just sat and talked and I said you gotta go I got to get to class. Now this friend is pretty handsy and loves to poke you and tickle you. He started messing with me pretty vigorously. Its important to note that the car is not in park and I am pushing the brake pedal. I get pushed and lose my footing of the pedal and my car starts rolling towards the concrete barrier. I press what I think is the brake pedal, but it is not and we hit the concrete barrier.
I have insurance, however it does not cover my car. So all the expenses are coming out of pocket. The reason why my insurance is not normal is because this car is a 2005 Infinity G35 and any accident will be ruled a total loss. Ive fixed cars in the past, but this is far and away above my knowledge and expertise. I took it to a mechanic that says he can fix it up and that it doesn't look nearly as bad as it is. He said I can expect the price to be 1.5-2.5 thousand.
Now would be important to talk about our financial backgrounds. I am from a well off family that has been very supportive. My parents let me know that they will give me a no interest loan, but they will not give me any money. Which I am very thankful for, and do not expect any money from them. My parents never have given an allowance or any type of free money. This does not mean that they don't occasionally buy me clothes or food. As a full time college student it is hard to maintain a full time job. I would usually have 2 part time jobs, now I am down to one job that pays around $450 a month. It's not a lot but its what I can manage as a full time student. Now my friend is not as fortunate as I am. His parents do give him some spending money though. Which he routinely blows on alcohol or weed. That's as far as I know about his financial background. After the accident I realized if I should not push him away or break the friendship because of this accident. Especially if I were to ask for some money. So my question to you is if I should ask for his help in paying a mistake that I think is 75% his fault. And if so how much.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
bGtONRM6pXygY5bf0xvuFlhAB1yiLpYI
|
akl4a2
|
{
"description": "not getting a hint",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not getting a hint?
|
About a couple of years, I started hanging out with a friend that I recently met. I had just started college in a different region of the country where people spoke a different language altogether, so it was slightly hard to adjust. Amidst all the chaos of semesters papers and other activities, we became good friends and would frequently see each other. A couple of months later, we hooked up one night and it got pretty awkward after that. We didn't exactly meet up much after, I felt like she wanted some space. Also it was time for our semester exams again so I started studying again. I never study except on the week before the exam. Our vacations started and we went to our hometowns. We still kept in touch because we liked to watch movies a lot and discussed it. But it wasn't at the same intensity as it once was. During the break, I met someone and we sort of hit it off. We start dating a couple of months later. While this happened, my friend got involved with her college student body council and we almost stopped talking because she was busy most of the time.
Around later that year, during the winter I was alone and extremely bored. I didn't have anyone to chill with for at least half the month. I was on social media when I saw that my friend was still in town and I dm'ed. We talked and decided to meet up. She stays in a strict dorm, we decided to come over to my place. We watched a couple comedy specials, I got sleepy and I said goodnight and slept off in the next room.
Some time next year, I meet her best friend/ roommate, who tells me that she was expecting to hook up that night when she came over. But I was in a relationship and we never had any thing like that before for me realize this.
Also this is my first Reddit post ever. I hope the community could help me out here if I made a mistake
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Vx782q6SXhG1s9F4SliO0YdhafCmRuaR
|
b2arpx
|
{
"description": "calling out a post on Facebook",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA If I called out a post on Facebook?
|
Yesterday, a former coworker I have added on Facebook, and who I am not particularly close with, made a post on Facebook. She and her husband had been staying in a hotel, and a man had collapsed and was laying unconscious in the parking lot. Her husband saw the man from their 4th floor window, and went down and checked on the man, and called for an ambulance and made sure he got taken to the hospital.
I know all of this happened because the wife stayed in the hotel room(not helping)and took a series of photographs of the man unconscious, and of her husband checking him, and of him being loaded into the ambulance and posted them on Facebook. Obviously with a huge block of text about how her husband was a hero and he saved that man’s life.
Normally, I stay out of stuff on Facebook. It just rubs me the wrong way. Like it would be fine if she just wanted to post about what happened and how her husband helped. But really!?! Posting pictures of a stranger unconscious and in need of medical attention is gross and unnecessary. Like the whole saga really didn’t need to be documented and put on Facebook. Ugh.
WIBTH If I made a comment explaining how this is really gross and self-absorbed behavior?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
4WiPPVQSbUgecMBgAoMDIXmWbOIzc0x5
|
9wws2y
|
{
"description": "making my mom upset",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making my mom upset?
|
My mother has been going through a lot lately. She lives with constant pain and she takes care of my grandmother with Alzheimers. She is also very depressed and has told me she wants to kill herself. Now I always worry about her and have tried to help her out with daily things more.
Anyway...I had class today then I went to the gym. While at the gym she called me and told me theres food at home, and asked me to get some soda from the store for her alcohol. I said "I guess" in a tone in which showed I didn't really want to. She had been saying she wanted soda for a couple days now, but I'm not good at remembering things like that unless you outright ask me to go do X, and I still might forget.... She got mad and hung up on me. I was at the gym doing my thing so I wasn't really wanting to talk to my mom atm. The reason I didn't really want to is because I forgot my other shirt for the gym so I was gunna have to go to the store soaked in sweat. Plus it was dark out already.
So I go to the store like I said I would, got her soda and went home. Low and behold she's pissed and doesn't even talk to me. So I eat food, then go in her room (doors closed) to say sorry. What I really wanted to say is why the heck are you mad at me, I didn't really want to go, but I would. But that would piss her off even more and she would probably cry.
I said sorry, and she's still mad at me. Her doors closed and still doesn't want to talk to me. Ive dealt with situations like this too many times to count. I catch myself being like her sometimes and it pisses me the fuck off. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Blk0jiGZw9fzmNkKLptNNnc797kTRPax
|
aj1qq1
|
{
"description": "keeping a story fron my past a secret to my friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For keeping a story fron my past a secret to my friends?
|
Alright, so we're group of 6 15 year olds (including me), basically your typical group of teenagers. Think of a less exaggerated, "relationship-less" version of the kids from That 70s Show. Three of these people I've known since the 7th grade (my school is both a middle school and a high school, that's why we're still in contact), and the other two I met recently in the start of 10nth grade. September of 2018 is when we all started hanging out, and it is now mid/late-January 2019.
Last week, 4 of those 6 members (once again including me), recently met up in one of those 4 people's houses, and we started playing truth or dare. Us almost always pussying out of dares and almost always saying truth got us in a serious mood, as we all had to respond to things such as "What would you do if all of us died and you had to choose which one was going to live?", "Honestly rate everyone in the 'gang' individually", or "What is your greatest fear?", but we were still playful non the less.
Things got even more serious however when we all went out for a short walk, and one of my friends started telling us about traumatic experiences of hers, and then told us a specific one with more detail. Another one of my friends said very vaguely that he had a similar experience, and the other one didn't say anything. We got back to the friends house and it was getting late so we had to live. After hearing my friends' stories, I was in the mood to tell them one of my own, but we had ran out of time so I told them that I would tell them next time we all met.
Now, here's the internal conflict. As I got home, I started evaluatimg my decision to tell them the story. My friends' stories took place when they were around 11, but mine was much more recent, much more complicated, and involved a lot more people, most of which are other friends of mine (to sum up the story without getting into detail, me and another group of friends had our summers and states of mind ruined by someone who was being a controlling, manipulative, and bitter cunt "friend" we all had to put up with). I thought maybe that I shouldn't tell them, for the following reasons:
1) This story goes beyond me. Other friends who were involved in it might not like the story being told to anyone else. I feel that it would be incredibly disrespectful to them and what we've all been through to just put what happened out there (especially since some people from both circles know eachother).
2) One of the people who was involved in the situation (who is in both 'gangs') specifically asked me NOT to tell the story to anyone, and I would like to respect his desire.
3) While I do thing the guy who caused my trauma was being an absolute asshole, I still find it disrespectful to tell this story, since he's not entirely that bad (I also place some of the blame on me for what happened), and he was also a young teenager at the time, which would make it sort of justifiable for him to make poor and selfish decisions. Besides, after this experience I'm sure he'll change, if he hasn't already (maybe I'm being too naive, but oh well)
4) Their stories were significantly less fucked up and impactful than mines is, so them insisting that I tell it to them because they told me theirs, especially after I've explained this is not really the most respectful thing to do (but more on that later).
To sum up, I trust those people, but some things are better to keep to yourself.
So, here comes Monday, we're in recess and someone from the group reminds me that I haven't told them the story yet, and I say that I'm not sure if I should tell them, explaining my first and last reasons only to them, but they are still pressuring me to tell them (not at the point where I'm stressed out, but to the point where I just feel a little annoyed and disrespected), although one of them did show some understanding.
It's Wednesday, and they're still bringing it up. Now, it's my mistake that I told them that I would tell the story in the first place, as I didn't think it through, and I should tell them the other reasons, however they're pretty stubborn. I do see where they're coming from, as it probably took a lot out of them to tell their own stories, and the mere thought of not telling them makes feel like an asshole. I've explained that I trust them 100% (and that me meeting them fairly recently does not affect that), and if I had any other traumatic stories similar to theirs I would totally tell them, just not this one.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
dVDLxq0N6K89HpsV6QK07U5sU6UOpbZW
|
a9pwmn
|
{
"description": "not splitting gas/activites",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for not splitting gas/activites?
|
Hi! So a long distance friend is in town, he's only ever usually around 1-2x a year. We typically try to meet up at least once and hang out.
The past two times he's paid for whatever activity it is(I pay my own entry fee if applicable, and my own bill if it's food), and I haven't been helping to pay gas when we're out(he drives us all around usually, and last time drove me back to my place, a good hour away).
So we're all talking about hanging out, but I have significantly less money than I thought I would. WIBTA for not offering to pay gas/go half and half on activites? I feel kinda bad now that I'm learning to drive and discovering how much gas can be guzzled.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
zaZzUVbiaZpUqOCFiyBgBMMlFYclIcAI
|
b1200t
|
{
"description": "talking to my ex-boyfriend against his mom's wishes",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for talking to my ex-boyfriend against his mom’s wishes?
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I am fourteen and in eighth grade and I had to break up with my boyfriend, let’s call him John, because his mom didn’t approve. She thought I was affecting his grades and somehow influencing his mental health.
For context, I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I used to vent to him a lot when we were dating. He had his own issues and since I opened up to him he started being more open to me. All good and normal, right? Wrong.
His mom only noticed that he started showing more symptoms of his degrading mental health and blamed it all on me. Yes, you heard it right. No, I’m not bullshitting. She blames me for her son being depressed. She texted as well as snap chatted me telling me that she was going to “press charges” for... God knows what?
Yes, I know it sounds like I’ve done nothing wrong and y’all are probably gonna direct me to r/amitheangel, but here’s the thing. His mom has explicitly stated that she wants nothing to do with me and doesn’t want me around her son. I feel like I’m going against her wishes by continuing to try everything in my power to talk to him such as pretending to be his male friend and FaceTiming him late at night so she wouldn’t hear us, but at the same time I think it’s outrageous for a grown woman to threaten to press charges for ASSUMEDLY harassing her son because she never explicitly stated why she would press charges.
All that being said, AITA for sneaking behind his mother’s back and lying to her face just so my ex and I can keep in touch? I feel pretty guilty for putting him through all of this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
YjKIP13U9RQjeLJLxnZS4dcw4iFhKHF7
|
ayl1x8
|
{
"description": "dropping my choir's tour",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for dropping my choir's tour?
|
This year, I joined the school choir. Our school has an annual tour for the choir where they usually visit places such as Europe, Spain, Latin America, etc. This has been a tradition for everyone the past 50ish years. However, due to complications, the usual director is gone this year and there have been 2 replacement teachers throughout the year, meaning we aren't as organized or confident. Despite this, the second teacher we had this year insists on having a tour to Nashville. There were 6 guys(small af) in the choir at the start of the year. Two dropped, and two guys don't want to go on tour, meaning there is me and another person going on tour(other guy is determined to go). Personally, I think that there is little point to going on tour with 2 guys and mediocre songs. But if I don't go on tour, I'm basically going to make it not happen for the choir, which is mostly filled with seniors that want this and might kill this tradition.
​
AITA for not wanting to go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
Kf75W8KlfpEAa4f4ZR24ZmXeDtqvc3se
|
abddwn
|
{
"description": "not saying happy new year back",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not saying happy new year back?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
|
UYkkHMkrLlrtftU9nbnHi7LGYhXS3DR3
|
b4k0fo
|
{
"description": "telling my friends on again off again that she shouldn't get back together with him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friends on again off again that she shouldn’t get back together with him?
|
My friend (“Randy”)(18m) has been in an on again off again relationship with a girl (girl 1) (17f) and as my friend and I talk and hang out a lot and through other mutual friends I began to see his on again off again as a friend. After he broke up with her for the umpteenth time he came to me and disclosed that he was planning on sleeping with a girl (girl 2) we’ll known to sleep around when I relayed this to him his reply was that she told home she is a virgin and would not accept anything else.
A few weeks go by and he returns to me, I ask him how things went with girl 2 and he told me not to tell anyone, she gave him gonorrhea and that he considered getting back together with girl 1 I told him that would be shitty and if he did to tell her and if she took him back to use protection. When girl 1 came to me because girl 1 and I are friends and I’m friends with “randy” she asked me for advice and I told her it was not a good choice but did not tell her about the STI he had gotten.
Again after a few weeks they are back together and I hear she caught what he has (heard from mutual friends then eventually from girl 1) it’s been a year since this and I wonder if I should have been more explicit in my warning to her and betray his trust or would it have even been a betrayal.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
vfcu4knqetBKme0wX2Ffg8C9Yx92DRXT
|
a9lh3y
|
{
"description": "not making dinner",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not making dinner??
|
Mom says there is chicken in the fridge- COOL, okay.
I ask her, "Is there anything you want me to do with it?"
She says, "No."- O K I E D O K I E P O K I E
She goes out, comes back letting into me for not making anything- She says she's hungry and I'm not doing my job and I'm not prepared for the -realworld-, I'm inconsiderate and I *never* do anything to help her out
PS: She regularly skips dinner, and there have been plenty of times I've made dinner for her on days where she would just sleep, and plenty of times I've had to wake her up and remind her to eat. She regularly disregards my own feelings and mental health in exchange for exalting hers
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
n0nukeEWfSRPGwoqTcxKQ4oAkDx3frwU
|
ahj8n0
|
{
"description": "using the word \"lame\"",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for using the word "lame"
|
Hey all. Recently one of my friends took exception to my use of the word "lame," citing its ableist origins. Honestly until she said that, I never made a mental connection between "lame" as a descriptor for something uncool and the word as a slur against a disabled person—I have never in my life heard someone use "lame" in its original meaning, except on period TV dramas. Of course I'm familiar with the original meaning from literature etc., but I have never heard it used that way in real life. (But of course, I am not disabled and therefore unlikely to be targeted with a word like that, so I *would* be unaware, wouldn't I.)
Anyway, she asked me not to use the word, and I have complied, for the most part, but I'm finding it very difficult, it's entrenched in my vocabulary. I try very hard to keep myself from saying it in front of her. *For me*, "lame" has absolutely no ableist connotation in contemporary usage, but then again, I hate when people use a slur and then say, well it doesn't mean xyz *for me*. If you're not the person a slur targets, of course it won't carry the same weight/viciousness. I think it's hypocritical that I'm not using it in front of her but using with other friends. That means I've made no significant change, I guess.
But I also don't think the word "lame" is comparable to racial epithets. Don't most insults come from offensive origins? When I call someone stupid, I mean to insult them by saying they're less intelligent and implying that being less intelligent is bad. Is that ableism against people with intellectual disabilities? When I call someone lame, I don't mean *anything* about their body, I mean it as an insult against their taste. Ugh, I feel like I must be the asshole here, because I'm making some kind of special exception about this specific word. If someone of a minority group says that something is offensive/hurtful, I generally listen to them.
I really love the word "lame," it has a very specific meaning of absolute uncool that no other word can match. Please, I need to know if I'm being an asshole here. [Also if anyone's got any good, not ableist synonyms, let me know.]
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
DIDwDaAinHCSqkR4gL0tieF7TlGV1S9S
|
b3gavl
|
{
"description": "insisting that she get rid of a kitten she's already fell in love with",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for insisting that she get rid of a kitten she’s already fell in love with?
|
Gf and I live together in an apartment that on the lease explicitly states no pets. She knows this. Last week she brought home a kitten that someone was giving away without discussing it with me. There are people in our complex that have pets. We’ve seen a dog and few different cats in people’s windows. She’s already attached to the kitten and doesn’t want to find it a new home. I immediately started putting ads on Craigslist however to try to find it one. The longer it stays here the harder it’s going to be for her to give it up. She says that plenty of people here seem to have pets with no problems, but it’s not a risk I want to take.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
b7lOi583LjMgmgB1FVyCWwxWTDGGXDr9
|
a9wwid
|
{
"description": "camping alone",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA camping alone
|
Backstory: I have always loved camping and anything to do with the woods since I was small. I have never shown that I would be unable to handle myself should the situation arise. I live in Colorado and frequent many parks hardest rated trails. I am now 16 and decided to ask my parents (divorced) to go camping alone for a night over winter break.
My mom took a day to think and had a few discussions with me about whether or not I feel I am ready and the logistics of doing it. She then decided to allow me to go. (I could’ve not told my dad at this point and just went but I wanted to see that he was ok with it as well) upon asking my dad I get an immediate no. Without discussion or even a chance to say where I wanted to go. I asked him to talk about it and he simply ignored me. A few hours later I texted him saying that I would not watch his house this next upcoming month he was going on a trip unless he discussed what his issues were with me so that I would at least know. He has not yet responded. My question is does using his vacation as blackmail to have a talk with him (I made it clear that as long as he talked with me I would watch the house he didn’t even have to say yes) make me the asshole. I don’t think him being an asshole is an outcome as I know he is simply concerned and that is why I want to talk. I only want to know if i was an asshole in the way I handled the situation.
Thanks for taking the time to read :)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
yLkZKf89xVrDh5COz2BmTuZN4Zu42FZh
|
9zixh4
|
{
"description": "letting the dog sleep inside when I was told not to",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for letting the dog sleep inside when I was told not to?
|
Apologies on mobile
Backstory
I am 24 and live in a flat about 25km away from my parents place. My parents and sister went on a 10 day holiday overseas and asked me to house sit and look after the family dog, a husky.
My Mum doesn't work and my Dad, a tradie only works when he wants to. They are home most of the day as is my disabled sister.
My partner was using my car while she gets a new one and I used my Mum's car for the week.
My Dad specifically said do not let the dog sleep inside, although when I used to live at home a year ago he was allowed to.
I work 12 hour shifts and spoke to my Mum about this and she said that it's a bit cruel to leave the dog outside in the medium sized back yard for 20 hours a day and that he could sleep inside. I didn't speak to my Dad about this because once he decided something he will not change his mind and will just get angry at being questioned.
The house is a two storey but the downstairs area is almost a second house on its own which is where I stayed. This used to be my room/area when I returned from university.
AITA?
They arrived back at 3am Friday morning and the first thing my Dad did was to come down stairs and check if the dog was inside. Which was odd since it basically separate from all of his stuff.
He then woke me up by yelling at me for letting the dog sleep inside, leaving the air condition on and the ranch slider to the backyard open (I am the asshole for this but I forgot) in my defence it wasn't wide open but I still should've shut it.
He called me a stupid cunt, that he gave me one instruction (not true I get lists of things cause he thinks I'm an idiot) And stormed off back upstairs.
Later that day I had decided to call in sick as I only had a half day and had not gotten much sleep.
My Dad came back down stairs and berated me again saying I directly disobeyed him, "fuck you", "there is fur every where", "why are you still here", "You will pay for this cunt" to which I replied "don't worry I won't come back".
My Mum later came down and said I don't know why he is mad about the fur he has never vacuumed and the weekly cleaner is coming today.
My Mum also told me my Dad said "I am never allowed to stay there again and if I do there will be trouble". My Dad have had a fist fight early last year which he started and is now never spoken of until now I guess.
We had agreed myself and my partner were going to move back in April and May 2019 before we move to England in June which I guess is now not happening.
So am AITA for letting the dog sleep inside?
I feel bad that my Mum and Sister are going to have deal with my Dad being in a bad mood for the next week because of this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
iqkDMBYCL69MPXO3ff1kI1h2WPkYx9zU
|
b9hpdi
|
{
"description": "not wanting to talk to my dad",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Aita for not wanting to talk to my dad?
|
So my dad is a very difficult person to talk to, if you disagree then he will talk around in circles till you give up, then act like your stupid, he always need an answer (his answer) to his question e.g. "So you have been very lazy recently, right OP, you have been getting out of bed late, and you haven't been taking all your meds on time." and he wont move on till you say yes or disagree, and then he will talk in circles till you agree. Recently he has been telling me that i should engage in our conversations more, but i don't want to be in the conversation to begin with!
So ama for not wanting to talk to my dad?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7dx4b5UIxd7MJsAM8a4HasHC2fRuw5xC
|
b0s5ae
|
{
"description": "not helping my aunt",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping my aunt?
|
Bla bla warning about being on mobile and this being the first post.
For context, I am on the autism spectrum and I don’t really have the best grasp on social situations and when people are being serious or not.
My aunt works at a hotel chain as the manager. She has some very disrespectful employees and I know that, unfortunately. Normally she comes home and complains about them, or calls me and my mom to.
It’s spring break right now, so I’m alone watching the house when my aunt calls and asks if I want to go up to the hotel and help her out a bit by cleaning the rooms. At the time, I thought she was joking because she always makes a joke like this everyday, and it leads to some weird banter between us. Since I thought she was joking, I told her I wasn’t presentable. On a normal day, she would’ve laughed this off and we’d have gone on with our conversations.
Today, she started crying.
I didn’t know if she was fake crying to guilt trip me or not (since both she and my mom guilt trip me a lot), so I asked and she said, “It’s okay. I’ll see you at home. Bye.” And just hung up. I was confused, but let it go.
A couple of minutes later, my mom calls me and starts chewing me out for this. She tells me I’m being very ungrateful and I need to get right with my life, because my aunt does so much for me and I can’t do just a simple task for her. This is when I knew my chain wasn’t being yanked, so I tried to defend myself, which was immediately shut down. My mom hung up and now my aunt and my mom refuse to return my calls. It’s freaking me out a lot and I ended up crying, which makes me this I’m being, well, a spoiled asshole.
So am I the asshole for saying no to helping her, even though I wasn’t sure if she was joking?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ahiqz3
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{
"description": "saying that if I wouldn't want to deal with homeless people if I was a librarian",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for saying that if I wouldn’t want to deal with homeless people if I was a librarian?
|
I was talking with some people on Discord and they immediately flipped out (most of them had been homeless themselves). I said that I was talking about the creepy ones who linger and go out of their way to harass others and part of my reservation was coming from someone who had been assaulted by a homeless person.
I apologized, but they weren’t having it (then I got two warnings for discriminating against the homeless and for mentioning assault). I know this seems minor, but I’m really confused. If I can be better, please let me know because I’m genuinely lost. I didn’t mean all homeless people, I don’t have a problem with them coming in to get warm or being at the library in general. But the city I live in has a major problem with homelessness (like most west coast cities), and a lot of the time, they’re watching porn or harassing other people or basically camping out at desks.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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|
a6zd8l
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be around my Dad's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA- For not wanting to be around my Dad’s girlfriend
|
So this could be an obvious answer, since a majority of the involved party are in agreement, but since I’m the most empathetic in the family, to their annoyance, I might as well ask for a second opinion. And there is a bit of backstory, so I may accidentally miss some things, ask away if there is some discrepancies that need to ironed out.
BACKSTORY: My parents have been divorced since my freshman year of high school since my dad cheated on my mom with a girl half his age, and then continued to date her on and off again for the next seven-ish years. Now when they divorced, my dad and my relationship grew (he literally needed a crying shoulder I guess), and for some reason at the time I inadvertently blamed my mom for the divorce. I didn’t have the whole story at the time, I was completely in the wrong, and was being a cunt (this is somewhat important).
Now I am an extremely awkward fuck, it takes me time to actually be able to have a normal conversation with someone unless our personality is compatible. Basically if I don’t immediately have a connection with someone, I come across as a cold asshole, which I try to work on, but I’m kind of hopeless sometimes. So the first time I met my dad’s girlfriend, which I knew was the person he cheated on with my mom, I was extremely uncomfortable, and kind of fucked up, by not making eye contact or having a good conversation. She apparently took this personally and assumed I hated her, when in reality I just am bad in social situations. This was before ACTUALLY I hated her because for the next seven years there was not one moment where they weren’t fighting or either one of them did some crazy shit to each other (I can elaborate if asked). Now my dad likes to play victim a lot and he is pretty good at it. Like I said, I blamed my mom for the divorce even though it was completely my dad’s fault. His girlfriend is insane, but I can infer that him being a constant asshole to her made her crazy.
FFW to now: They are “just friends” now, though part of me think they are secretly seeing each other, but that is pure speculation. Everyone in my immediate family hates her, and will leave if she shows up to our place. On thanksgiving, my dad and I were alone in a room and I asked what he wants for Christmas. He tells me that he wants me to be accepting of his life, for me and my sisters (who I am very close with) to accept his girlfriend, and for her to be allowed to go to family gatherings. He then heavily implies that me not accepting her is the main source of his sadness, and he also implied I was leaching off of him since he pays for my car insurance and half of my community college, which I was grateful for, but now I just feel guilty about it ever since he brought it up. I don’t have a job atm since I left my warehouse position, and I’m going through some existential problems, where I’m having to accept working till the day I die, which is a scary thought. The fucking point is I don’t have a job, and I’m relying on him so, he could have a point.
I gave him the cold shoulder for a week after his “request”, and then when I went to his home for a family dinner, I saw my technique was actually making him depressed so I felt like I had to let it go, and try to pretend what he said didn’t kill me inside. As far as he knows, we’re ok now, but I’m still angry at him for what he said (more the source of his sadness thing rather than the leech thing), and I don’t know how I’m going to deal with it, because I will not be around the girlfriend, and if I had balls I’d cut him out too. I think they both suck, but one is my dad whom I have an ok relationship with so I let it go when he tries to guilt me about it. Also my siblings and I tell him he could be with her, but just not around us, which created a “her or us” situation.
TL;DR: AITA For not wanting to be around my dad’s girlfriend, saying I’ll leave the area if she’s around.
For those who read: Am I stupid for asking this?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
axt68x
|
{
"description": "wanting to change my redeye flight",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to change my redeye flight
|
My husband and I have been planning to vacation to Hawaii this June and today he comes home from work and say he purchased the tickets. Its a red-eye and we are traveling with our soon to be 3 year old. Its 9 hours of travel time with a 3-hour layover ( at 4am) I sat down and started looking for other flights and he got pissed off because I was complaining after "he spent 6 grand on airline tickets" and cancelled the trip. We just got home from Florida late last night and it was miserable because our daughter wasn't able to sleep at all (wasn't a read eye just late flight) AITA for not wanting to put her and myself through that? ( he would be across the aisle from us not dealing with her at all)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
al9hmm
|
{
"description": "being included in an insensitive joke",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for being included in an insensitive joke?
|
So, I’ll try to make this as unbiased as I can. It all started at a debate competition my friend and I were at. It was a usual debate competition, where there were 5 rounds, and between each round there was about an hour long break. Anyway, our second round was about to begin, so my friend and I head up to the classroom where it will we’ll debate. When we approach the classroom, we can see that there’s still a debate going on, so I take a seat on the staircase nearby and my friend follows. Time passes, and I get bored, so as a time filler, I start fooling around. I tell my friend random jokes on from my phone, but then I get bored from that. We had now been waiting for 30 minutes, and the teams debating before us still hadn’t finished. Now, this is where the all the drama started. I start making weird noises on the staircase, and my friend starts laughing. He calls me an ‘autist’ and pulls out his camera to record me. I keep doing it, because it’s amusing both of us, but then I stop being weird, and he stops filming. He says that he’s going to post it on a group chat, and I tell him to stop, but he does it anyway. I ask him to show me the video, he says no, and that I can see it on the group chat. I leave the topic alone, and I continue on with the competition. After the competition, I check my phone, and only one person has responded to the video. The person responds, “Hey I’ve seen a special ed kid at school who looks like him(she was referring to me).” I get pretty offended by this text, but I assumed she was trying out new humor, since the video that my friend posted didn’t include him calling me an autist, and the person who responded to the video was quite against using words like retard and autist to describe something bad. I passive aggressively try to attack the person by mocking them and their sense of humor. They constantly claim that they were not joking and I get mad. Before I can say anything else, another person jumps into the conversation. This person, or person B, is best friends with person A(the person who responded to the video). Person B asks for an explanation of the video, and I tell them everything that happened. Person B then starts ranting on the group chat about how it’s wrong to use autist and retard like that. Under normal circumstances, I would’ve heard her out and agreed, however this time I didn’t because she was aiming the entire lecture at me, and I didn’t believe that i had done anything wrong. I attempt to disregard all of her points by responding ‘lmao’ to each text, and she then calls be a bastard for being a bystander in this entire situation.
So this is the dilemma.
- Am I really a bystander if I was the one being made fun of.
- Shouldn’t Person A also be accused because they assumed I was being a special ed kid, even though the video didn’t have the words autist or retard in it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "making fun of my uncle that got cheated and forgive his wife",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for making fun of my uncle that got cheated and forgive his wife?
|
So i got a uncle that made fun of me since i was a kid, he was always trying to prove that his kids was better than me, he always was calling me a fat kid and making fun of my way to do things. So i grew up, lost weight and got myself my first gf( i was a 15 yo), and it was really cool for 3 years, but then she changed too much so i decide to break up with her. 3 months ago her mom said to me that she was depressed, and then i tell my mom, that tells my whole family, and on a family party on my uncle house, and my uncle was making fun of me to my whole family, they all know that im depressed since my 12 yo. And he was saying thinks like "this boy made his girl crazy, not even a good girl like her can live with that guy". That was really hurting me but im not the type of person that get's angry easier, so i just ignore him.
Then 2 weeks ago we got another family party, now in my parents house, and the news for we was that his wife cheated him and he forgive her(it happened like 2 months before actually), He come on the party late and his wife was there too, so no one was saying to much about that anymore. But then he got a little drunk and started his casual bully on me, always talking about my life and shit.
I got drunk too, so i was really honest if i can say it like that, because i started to make fun of him, thinks like "fuck off you cuck asshole". And... He get mad, really, he tried to hit me with his bottle, his wife started to cry( and i feel bad for that) and suddently my whole family really get mad with me, but i was too drunk to give a fuck, i started to yell so loud thinks like " fuck you hit me if you can you pussy, you are the first cuck of the family". Really shit was crazy, but then he go home after that discussion.
I was ok with that all to be honest, but now i got atleast half of my family(that i love) hating me because of that night. Im really trying to know if passed the line, did i go too far? I feel guilty to hurt herbut i think he deserved. Now his wife is saying that she will never go to a family party again, my cousins are mad with me, my mom wants me to apologize and im really curious about what you redditors think about that. AITA?
*TLDR* : I have a uncle that make fun of me to the whole family when i break up with a girl and she turns to get depressed after, but when i made fun of him getting cheated and forgiving his wife my whole family turns on me.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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a0mtj8
|
{
"description": "leaving early",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for leaving early?
|
I work in an office and literally have nothing to do right now. My direct boss isn't even here and I don't have much freedom to do anything she doesn't dump in my lap. Would it be shitty to go home now even though it's barely 2pm? There could possibly be someone who needs something from me in the next three hours but that stuff usually isn't urgent or even important.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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|
atn1vy
|
{
"description": "accidently \"bullying\" someone",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for accidently "bullying" someone?
|
So I just want to clarify from my perspective I can see why someone would class it as bullying but I don't personally see it as that
​
So i have a couple friends (I'll give them fake names) so the person getting "bullied" is PB friend 1 is F1 friend 2 is F2 so on so forth
​
So me and PB have been friends for around a year and the same for the rest of my friends and we always used to joke around that PB was a child predator (not behind his back but with him and he laughed along with us) and it was all fine for a while but then in our tech class a couple days ago some people were saying he has all 3 and he was to us joking around going "nah what's all 3" in a joking tone so me F1 and F2 started chanting " he's got all 3" as a joke and at the time we didn't know what all 3 meant either so then we asked after to F3 "What does all 3 actually mean btw?" to our horror F3 replied i" it means he has Autism, ADD and ADHD" so we all felt really bad for Pb realising what we were actually saying and were going to apologise but the bell rang and PB left as this was last period and I don't have social media on my phone cause it's crap and I don't have my apple id so the next day I came into science and after the bell rang I said to PB " hey PB I'm sorry and I hope we can still be friends as we didn't know what all 3 meant at the time sorry" and then PB relied "I don't care you're just all bullies" so then me F1 an F2 were starting to worry as we thought of PB as a really good friend and didn't want to ruin our friendship as he was genuinely funny. Now though he's not being civil and trying to talk to us which is annoying. He has threatened to go to guidance on us and we're just trying to say sorry and before you say I don't care about guidance but F1 does and we did apologise before he said he'd go to guidance. Also he has said now that me and him were never friends and that we'll never be friends.
​
What annoys me is that he has a history of making up lies to bully people but he hasn't done that in quite a while so I don't know if he'll do it. he's saying that he never took the child predator jokes as jokes but he was laughing along with us and even called me a rapist (which i took as a joke) also F1 months ago jokingly said "what do you call a guy who sleeps with a hunch of girls?" so we replied "A fuckboy" and then he said " and what do you call a woman who sleeps with a bunch of guys?" which we said "IDK" then he said "PB's mum" and he's still holding on to it even though it happened months ago
​
So AITA for thinking I was joking with my mate and then he took it as bullying and didn't even blame the people who started it?
​
I'd like to clarify F3 has autism and he made the joke up so idk about the ADD and ADHD part but he should be the person who can say that PB has autism even though it would be messed up he should still be the person who is most allowed to say it
​
Edit: we've been joking with him about the pedophile jokes for around 2 months
​
Edit Edit: we were very close friends and made vulgar jokes about each other
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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|
a86yk4
|
{
"description": "making racist jokes",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for making racist jokes?
|
Disclaimer: I do not support any discrimination between races or support racist organizations, please don’t take it that way.
So me and my table group were chatting. We have this Asian kid who’s racist, like really racist. He says the n-word with a hard r at least 50 times a day at my school. The Asian kid started making racist jokes. Literally everyone at our table, black, white, or Hispanic/Asian were laughing at them. It’s not something to laugh at, but we all knew he wasn’t being serious. At least, I think that. I used to be his friend (before he starting being really racist with the N-word) and I thought I’d share some of my racist jokes with him. Not because I particularly liked that he was racist, just because he used to be my friend. Oddly enough, he gets offended whenever someone says something about Chinese people.
I whispered my jokes, and he started laughing. I laughed too, they were (kinda) funny.
Now believe me when I say I don’t support racism, because it’s disgusting, but I don’t think it’s racist (unless you mean it to be) to tell jokes and laugh at them. This one short kid — let’s call him Joseph — had a different opinion. Joseph decided he would go over and tell one of my black friends that I had made racist jokes. (The Asian kid decided to tell everyone at my table I made those jokes, so that’s how Joseph knew.)
I wasn’t even intending to oppress or make fun of him because of his skin color, it was a joke. Please believe me when I say I did not mean it to oppress black people.
Joseph might have a grudge with me, because he keeps trying to start this and make it into a big thing. So now my black friend is mad at me. Am I the Asshole for laughing at racist jokes and telling them?
Note: I believe that comedy (whether right or wrong) will always create new jokes out of sensitive topics. I do admit that I shouldn’t have told those racist jokes, but I also can’t go back in time.
TLDR: Made racist joke, am I asshole for saying racist joke and laughing at them?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
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a49t22
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{
"description": "disliking my boyfriend's best friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for disliking my boyfriend’s best friend?
|
Sorry for formatting im on mobile.
My boyfriend (ill call him C) and I have known eachother for a few years and started dating a few months ago. When we first met, I wasn’t sure if I liked his best friend (ill call him B). He was kind of loud, obnoxious, and immature for his age and in comparison to my now boyfriend. After a while, like a year ish, though I figured he seemed chill enough. My boyfriend and I were flirty with eachother and liked eachother, but we were not together.
After another 6 ish months he was kind of acting off and distant so I gave C some space and we weren’t talking very frequently. That’s when his best friend started hitting on me, asking for nudes, all the likes. At the time I was feeling kind of lonely so I said fuck it and did it and talked with him, and then he ghosted me. I was kind of surprised since I had thought he was a nice guy.
So I told C what had happened and he said something like “Haha oh yea B does that kind of stuff all the time, to girls he finds everywhere” So I was kind of upset and asked C why he didn’t tell me B did that kind of stuff and if he could talk to him about it. So I don’t really like B, at all, I don’t think he’s a very good person at this point.
C tells me he’s tired of seeing guys treat me like shit and that he wants to start “talking” (basically talking like we’re together if that makes sense) again even though he has a girlfriend at this point! I just tell him I guess so and that happens for another few months before he got mad at me for I guess questioning his actions and morals. I kind of got off topic.
Recently he told me that “B is ok with you so you should be ok with B”. Which in my mind makes no sense, so I told him no I don’t like B I don’t think he’s a good person”. Yesterday C said he was going over to B’s house for his birthday and I just said ok. Then C said “you can’t hold a grudge forever you know”. And I just said that thinking someone isn’t a good person isn’t the same as holding a grude”
AITA for not wanting to get along and be friends with B now? Everything happened like 2 or 3 years ago.
|
HISTORICAL
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|
{
"description": "wanting telling my coworker to show me some respect at work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting telling my coworker to show me some respect at work?
|
I work as a nurse in the UK and currently work in a team providing care for patients at home. I joined the team in February and mostly everyone was really nice and welcoming however for one woman my mere presence seems to fuck her off. I honestly can not recall what I ever did or said to cause such a reaction but it makes my working life rather awkward. This has been going on for months and has been worse since I’ve been off work sick for reasons out of my control. Despite attempts to make amends I have been met with silence, cold hard stares and bitching behind my back in my ear shot. I try to not let this bother me until today. We were alone in the office and the phone goes off, my colleague answered it, a frantic relative call asking for some advice. At this point I should point out I am technically the most senior person in the office and therefore responsible for patient care. My colleague who is a role below me (not that it ever matters apart from legally) states there is not trained staff present and therefore we can not help them, hangs up. I sit utterly shocked that 1) she bluntly ignored the fact I was senior than her at the time and 2) that we couldn’t even give them advice which is a lie because if she actually handed the phone to me I could of helped. What pissed me off more is the fact soon as my other colleagues come into the office she swans over to them, telling them the problem and getting the exact same advice I would give. I can deal with her not liking me as a person but I can not however understand why get disrespected in a professional manner when I’m well known for being one the hardest workers. I am planning to confront her tomorrow and call her out on this breech of patient safety and also for being an utter bitch ruining my time in this team.
Am I a asshole for doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b2vcyo
|
{
"description": "wanting to know a rough time when my boyfriend will be home",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to know a rough time when my boyfriend will be home?
|
My partner visited his parents on Sunday. He wanted to watch formula 1, and we don’t have sky channels, so he got over there very early to catch it, around 4.30am. He was going to do a few things, watch the race, service the car and go out for breakfast.
I woke up at our house (we rent) at 9, and didn’t hear from him until 11. He said he’d fallen asleep after the race (fair enough) and was going out for breakfast now.
I asked what time roughly he’d be back (id originally assumed about 11.30 as the race was so early but we hadn’t actually discussed this) and he got really annoyed. He said it makes him really anxious giving a set time because it stresses him if it gets near the time and he isn’t leaving yet.
I said okay, don’t give me a set time, but is it going to be more like 2 hours or 5 hours? I didn’t know if he’d done the car yet. He does give an answer of 2 hours but is still really angry that I asked and says I’m belittling him feeling anxious. I understand it makes him anxious, but I wasn’t sure what I could plan for the day as I like to know what I can do.
Am I the asshole? I feel like he just doesn’t want to do anything that may upset his parents over me. I said it’s just common courtesy to give a time, even if it’s a very rough one. If running late just text and say “running a bit late, be back in an hour”? We’ve been together 6 years. I feel like I’m failing to see his POV and whether I’m being unreasonable.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
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|
{
"description": "making a joke that sent a teen girl crying",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for making a joke that sent a teen girl crying?
|
Saturday theatre practice for my high school.
After practice was over, I was hanging out with some upperclassmen (all of whom I admire and want to become closer with).
To preface, my school is very friendly and all grade levels roll with each other like there isn’t a difference.
Anyway, I was talking to a group of upperclassmen after practice. Our conversation got to the topic of butts. We began remarking on this junior guy, ‘Jim’s’ butt (who is in the conversation) and how it’s very firm when he flexed it. He mentioned how weird it was that people slapped butts, but it would be weird if someone were to punch one instead. So junior girl ‘Abbie’ flexed her butt and invited a few of us to punch it. Then Jim let a few of us punch *his*. (Only Abbie punched his butt). We laughingly agreed it was odd.
Couple seconds later Abbie asks him questions about how he got it to be so fit etc etc. People left and right of me quietly interject with things like “It’s probably just genetics” after Abbie and Jim work out that they have the same regimen.
Abbie seems baffled that he has a better butt than her, and the rest of us are humored at the conversation. Others (in her grade level, mind you) continue to reaffirm that it’s probably just genetics or diet or the fact that they are different sex, *maybe*.
I finally make the lighthearted joke “Maybe you’re just flat!”
Here’s the catch: I am very flat. Time and time again I have tried to work on gaining better curves, but to no avail. I used to be very insecure about my curvature, but I learned to just deal with it. On top of that, I’m also flat in the boob department. So.... there.
Immediately after my “joke,” Abbie muffles something and turns away, making slight crying sounds. I take this as dark humor, because I make the *same* type of jokes (you’ll see here in a second).
Before she’s completely out of sight and being tailed by a friend, I laughingly say, “I can say it cuz I’m flat.”
However, she is gone. I immediately realize that she just left to cry. A separate junior girl, ‘Katie’, tells me that it’s okay and that they are drama queens.
I hear this and continue to stare in the direction that Abbie and her friend ran off. I try to do a joke by sniffling, but upon Jim hugging me and trying to cheer me up (in a humorous way, like you would a child), I realize that I might legitimately cry.
My worst fear is to ever be the cause of someone’s pain. I try to make it as obvious as possible that I thrive lighting up people’s day. My policy this year has been to never meet a stranger. And this girl, who ran off because I tried to diffuse a lengthy discussion about her seemingly failing butt workout routine with a flat joke, now probably has boundaries up for being my friend.
I didn’t even look at her butt before making the joke. Hell, I can’t even remember what it looks like (but it sure wasn’t flat). I apologized to her but I still feel bad as shit. Am I an asshole?
Edit: A week later. She thought I said “fat.”
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
2CpWBFwUDQhJUe0KDEInVDeVJX6yE5RM
|
ba71ou
|
{
"description": "potentially breaking my two friends up because I don't think she deserves him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA if i potentially break my two friends up because i don’t think she deserves him
|
We’re all seniors in high school. i have these two friends who i love with literally all my heart. i’ve known the girl since elementary and the guy since my sophomore year of high school. they both were there for me during some really traumatic stuff in my family. when i introduced them to each other, i always saw them as a cute couple, so when they both came to me individually & said they were interested in each other, i was pretty excited. it’s just that for at least 3 months both of them wouldn’t tell the other person how they felt. even though it was obvious. because of their lack of communication, both their (mostly her’s) insecurities got the best of them. she’d get upset when he’d hang out with girls and she wasn’t with him, she even accused me of having a thing with me. i have a boyfriend so she basically accused me of cheating on my boyfriend with the guy i set her up with. basically, those three months of them being ‘in like’ & not telling each other was just pure hell for me. they were just so annoying
finally, they went out officially and are now in a relationship. they’re not fighting as much and it’s actually fun being around them when they’re together. until yesterday when she said something that i don’t want to hear coming from the girlfriend of someone i care about. i love them both and that’s why i want them to both be treated correctly. i’m not going to pick sides but whenever they fought & came to me for advice, i always told them the truth, even if it wasn’t what they wanted to hear.
yesterday she said that he doesn’t treat her good and that she knows her worth and that she wants to break it off. i asked her to elaborate but she refused. i know him pretty well but i also understand that people can change when they’re in a relationship and i don’t know what happens behind closed doors so i didn’t push her. i told her that she should break it off if she wasn’t into it anymore. but then she said “his grades are going to sink and i want to go to prom. i’ll just break up with him a couple weeks before or after graduation”. that fucking pissed me off. his grades were fine before they dated, and they’re not any different. it seems like she has no respect for him because she always bad mouths him in front of people he’s not close with but then is all sweet when they’re together. basically, would i be the asshole if i told him this? or should i just keep my mouth shut?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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WRONG
|
9vwy8MrOD7jOopbeSbI9P8EnaAl5ryMi
|
au3myy
| null |
AITA Girls try to "expose" me for trying to say they were wrong on a project.
|
I have civics class with a group of girls I used to be friends with. Long story short on that I got booted for standing up for myself when I felt wronged and trying to help them better themselves. On to the story, we had an opinion poll project due and they did theirs on the USA PATRIOT Act I happened to to take one of their polls before they presented so I knew the gist of what the poll looked like. They go up to present and I notice they have an explanation of what the PATRIOT Act is. I say "I don't remember that being on the poll."
Girl 1: It was.
Me: Are you sure I know I took your poll and I don't recall that.
Girl 1: I can give you an example. \*walks over to her seat and hands me the poll **I** filled in\*
Me: \*showing said poll to me friends\* I don't see it do you guys?
Friend 1: No but I see their memes.
Friend 2: Yeah, no that's not on there.
The continue giving their presentation and the Teacher gives an explanation to the class more in depth than theirs about the PATRIOT Act.
Teacher: Do you guys know what they named the protection act?
Me: The PATRIOT Act. PATRIOT is also an acronym I don't remember what it stands for but it's an acronym.
Girls: \*shoot me looks\*
Teacher: That's right.
They end their presentation.
Me: Would you like this back Girl 1?
Girl 1: No you can recycle it or something.
They sit down and my friend points out that they started talking about it to themselves and another girl.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
cKXfYsyfQfRZR1bNGnrAhf1cUHpQr8ma
|
awe47r
|
{
"description": "not caring about representation",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not caring about representation?
|
first time post on mobile, bear with me here.
so, i had gotten in an online group of d&d newbs, and we played a couple sessions over discord. all *seemed* well, but apparently one of the group members had a bone to pick.
the group member (lets call em Jane) didnt actually participate in the games, and as such i didnt get to talk with them often. i cant remember the full conversation, as it was a while back.
Jane mentioned something about a character on their favorite show being LGBTQ+, and made a big deal of it, chatting with the GM (Game Master). the conversation blew up my notifications so i figured i would chat with em. i made a comment on how i didnt really care much of the character's peference, as long as it didnt become the centerpoint of the storyline (was never a fan of romance stories). oh man, was that a bad idea.
both Jane and the GM thought i was evil, and attacked me on the subject, saying things like "you dont know because youre straight" and pretty much calling me a homophobe. this attracted the attention of a few other people in the group, who took Jane's side and got me kicked out of the group entirely.
later, i had asked some friends on what had happend, and they gave me the (what felt somewhat biased) reply that Jane was a Snowflake. i thought "ok" and it never crossed my mind again until recently... figured since peeps like fresh and cue cover this its a good place to ask.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
5LqchNuIl4l2eCaqhsTGsf2jtwJWOZ3h
|
b5t3zb
|
{
"description": "thinking this lady is TA for making a guy put his sandwich away a on a flight",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for thinking this lady is TA for making a guy put his sandwich away a on a flight?
|
I was just an observer but I definitely thought this lady was TA.
On a 2.5 hour flight, I’m two rows obliquely behind the action. This British guy sits in an aisle seat next to an American lady.
Flight kicks off and he pulls out a smoked salmon baguette.
Lady then turns to him and says ‘is that smoked salmon? Could you put it away? It makes me sick.’
The guy has this dumbstruck look on his face and remains neutral, he doesn’t try to eat it but he doesn’t put it away either because he’s not sure if she’s serious.
She again goes ‘No I’m serious, if you eat that I’ll be sick and throw up all over the place.’
Poor guy then puts his sandwich away. The kicker is she then talks to all the strangers around her for the full flight in a loud obnoxious voice, including sandwich guy. He looks away a few times and rolls eyes as he just wanted some peace and quiet and to eat his sandwich. No one seemed to be talking back to her though.
If I were in his place I’d tell her ‘I’m sorry ma’am but I haven’t eaten lunch yet and I am rather hungry, so I am going to eat my sandwich. If it’s going to be an issue I’d ask the flight attendant to move you elsewhere as the flight isn’t full.’
IMO I think she was unreasonable and TA.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
EPZSZtfaJUDjRXOzcwlCn41RymdvPzCx
|
atl9b3
|
{
"description": "not caring about a cat dying",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not caring about a cat dying?
|
Some context here; my younger sister (21) recently came home from a 6 month work placement abroad. She has a lot of stories about her time there (understandable) but really talks about nothing else but that, at any given opportunity
A few weeks ago we decided to watch a film altogether as a family. It was quite an emotional and dramatic film about a man suffering from depression (it's Manchester by the sea for anyone who's seen it). In the middle of quite a pivotal and poignant scene, my sister asks me to pause it, in a way that suggests it's something urgent. This wasn't at a scene change or even at a pause for a drink etc, but smack bang in the middle of an important scene.
"MARIA'S CAT has died!"
Now it turns out this is someone who she barely knew abroad, and I hadn't even heard mentioned before. Also,our family are not cat or even animal people:. I clearly don't want harm brought to them but in all seriousness I don't care about someone I've never met and their old cat dying.
I was quite annoyed that she'd interrupted this emotional scene. If it'd been a crappy comedy or she'd waited until a proper break, it wouldn't have wound me up, but this isn't the first time she's done this. She sometimes will just start playing videos on her phone with the sound on during films and her usual excuse is "well, I'm not watching properly anyway" as if that's a justification? I had a bit of a go at her, saying "could that not have waited?" to which she got annoyed and said I didn't care about anything but whatever I'm focussed on. I argued it was ruder to stop a film to announce a minor acquaintance's pet dying.
My dad didn't fully take sides but said I was quite mean about it, but I think my point stands and that it's a case of picking your moments of when to announce things like that.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
WRONG
|
rFRKXbn8ojZw587zgQkJqKCW4qK4r7NW
|
a5b95k
|
{
"description": "admitting I find my partner's long moans about his work day dull",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for admitting I (24F) find my partner's (28M) long moans about his work day dull?
|
Long-ish!!! Apologies & huge thanks in advance for anyone who makes it through!!
We've been together for \~3 years, live together, & are deeply in love, but this is an argument I am very conflicted about & I'd really appreciate an independent opinion. For context, he works Mon-Thu 9-5 at a stressful office job for a multi-national, multi-billion dollar company. He has been there for 5 years or so, is now a manager, & makes 3+ times the amount I do. I am doing my PhD, am in my third & final year, and I work largely from home. I have a supervision about once a month, and this is the extent of the conversation I have about my work with other people. I've tried talking to him about my work before (my PhD is in literature, and he is a reader, so it's ostensibly something he might be into), but he's never particularly interested and I'm not bothered enough about it to keep trying. I'm happy to just keep ploughing away, it doesn't really define me as a person and we both have plenty of shared interests/hobbies to talk about.
​
So recently, he has started a new role on a new project at his job. His old position had lasted 2 years, when usually roles in his company last only a couple of months. He got very good at it & by the end was incredibly bored. He wasn't being challenged and was really struggling to find the motivation, so when he was offered this new role we were both ecstatic. His days seem much busier & every day he comes home enthused about what he has been doing and tells me all about it. After having spent the whole day alone, I really relish these chats and make him a cup of tea so we can both sit together and debrief when he gets in. As with anything, there are bits I find more interesting than others: he is very science-minded and often tells me in great detail about certain structural or organisational issues which I nod and smile though, but he is also a very warm, caring person and has a lot of pastoral care responsibilities, which I find a lot more interesting. Today, for instance, he was telling me about how he was helping someone in his care at work who is having a difficult time personally, and I told him how impressed I was at how he had handled it & we spent roughly 20 minutes discussing the other the ways he could help this person. His line of work can be very cold & exploitative, and I am infinitely proud of the compassionate, caring environment he creates for the people in his care & the extracurricular work he does on mental health care. After this, he started talking to me about a sticky organisational task he has been working on for a couple of weeks, which he truncated with "which I've done a really good job on". He's very self-assured & has pretty great self-esteem, so thinking this was a bit braggy I replied, "oh, if you do say so yourself?"
And this is where the argument begins. Extra context: I am having a difficult time with my depression/anxiety at the moment. I am burnt out, am having significant issues with a psychiatric referral mix up and side effects from new medication, and am finding it's really affecting my productivity. The new anti-anxiety medication has completely ruined my sleep cycle, and as a result today after a sleepless night & an uncomfortable medical procedure at the doctor's in the morning, I came home, decided to have a 30 minute nap to try & recoup some energy for the afternoon's writing, and ended up sleeping through my alarm until around 4.30pm. I have a big meeting tomorrow and am now feeling extremely guilty/anxious about admitting to them I haven't been as productive as I should have been recently. My partner knows all about this, and is as always very understanding/helpful.
So, my partner begins telling me that actually, this organisational project IS really important, and he was disappointed that I wasn't more enthusiastic when he'd initially told me he'd finished it a few days ago. I apologised, saying I hadn't realised it was that significant as he hadn't really explained it fully. He offered to do so there & then, but I said it was okay I would just take his word for it. At this point, we'd been talking about his day for half an hour or so as we were cooking/doing the washing up, and in honesty I was cranky from my unplanned nap, and a little bored of being talked at. He asked why not, and I said because it didn't really matter and I would just find learning about the nitty gritty of this situation dull. This, I admit, was rude of me. I apologised, but I couldn't in honesty take it back. I DO find it dull. I really enjoy listening to the ways he helps and cares for other people at work, and I'm always interested to hear about what his co-workers I have met & know have been up to, but at the end of the day where I've been staring at books for 8 hours or just feeling guilty and unaccomplished, hearing him bigging up what an amazing job he's doing with an important Excel spreadsheet isn't my idea of relaxing. I try not to drone on to him about my work, because fundamentally it will always be less interesting to other people than it is to me, and that's okay. Also, as he has been busier recently his evenings have been very packed - we chat when he gets in, then he usually does a workout, showers, organises his lunch for the next day while I cook, and after we eat he plays video games to wind down until late, so I have been feeling a little neglected, and a bit desperate for some quality time together NOT talking about work or doing work ready for the next day.
​
So, AITA? My head is so fogged with this depression slump & new medication that I'm not sure if I'm just wholly in the wrong here. I feel very guilty for not being completely selfless and revelling in his success with him, and I feel like perhaps I feel jealous or as if he is "rubbing it in my face", which of course is wrong and a selfish way of seeing it, but I also feel that he is being unreasonable in his expectations of me, and maybe a little insensitive. Completely happy to hear any & all opinions, & TIA!!!!
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
7rrSJFSrVflbuXvISqWaaCn6DEBvxGhc
|
b12orc
| null |
AITA. School bus seat.
|
The story goes, the school football team was in the final and some years were allowed to go for support. They won by the way. On the way home I had been sitting on the schoolbus with a vacant seat beside me.
We stop at a petrol station where we could use the toilet and by some sweets to celebrate. When I got back onto the bus somebody was sitting in the vacant seat beside mine with his feet up on my seat. (Boy1). My bag had also been moved a few rows back.
I went and got my bag and when I came back there was somebody standing in the Isle talking to boy1. (the asshole) I first asked boy one to put his feet down so I could sit, and then asked the asshole to move out of the way so I could get into the seat. Boy one moved his legs and then the asshole looked at me before sitting in my spot. I got annoyed and made that clear asking him to move. The rest of the bus then got angry at my for being difficult and not finding an other seat.
This is not the first time somebody has taken my seat in class to the point I think they do it merely to annoy me. It is due to this I believe the asshole sat there on purpose knowing it would annoy me, and I also spent the rest of the ride home starring daggers at the asshole.
Am I really the asshole in this situation.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
JkAbtnWhs9VcjYwPlEF1SqeIzEOJHzMa
|
axgvbc
|
{
"description": "wanting to vape",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to vape?
|
I'm 33 and my 35 year old wife is adamant about me not vaping or just vaping with zero nicotine e-juice.
​
I've struggled with drugs the last 3 years and have been in and out of rehab 3 times during that time. I've been depressed and on anti-depressants before the drug use and my doctor has classified my drug use as my way of self medicating my depression and anxiety disorder.
​
I'm definitely an asshole for everything I've put her through the last few years and I'm thankful that she's stuck with me all this time but I've tried to talk to her and make her understand that vaping helps with the cravings. Am I a bigger asshole for even asking her to allow me to vape?
​
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ySABkM0BeUAPDjkSR0SR3GS4ziL2Sw56
|
ajxhbj
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go out because I'm broke",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go out because I'm broke?
|
I quit my job and getting a new one has taken longer than i expected. Basically long story short I only have enough money to pay rent next month and a couple hundred after that to get by until i find a job. My girlfriend doesnt quite know how little I have right now and is constantly suggesting we go out to eat or to bars or places like that. Am i an asshole to decline and stay in when i know she wants to go out because i know ill end up paying (she would pay if she knew but I feel just as awkward about her paying for everything, typically we split things pretty evenly) or am i the asshole for not just straight up telling her why i dont wanna go out because i know she will feel obligated to pay for me for everything?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
zuHyBo1SzdruHyGRARZtulQZJVrKGWz9
|
azw5fn
|
{
"description": "telling my best friend about another person's problems",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For telling my best friend about another person's problems?
|
I am considered the psychiatrist of my group of friends. Most of them will come to me with what it troubling them and I do my best to give them honest and helpful advice. However, there's one friend in my group, lets call her Claire, with way more baggage than I can handle. Claire has a problem where she keeps getting herself into relationships that are doomed to fail and goes back to the same guy multiple times. Over this past weekend a guy, let's call him Mike, that has rejected her multiple times once again "played her" as she would put it. So I did my best to comfort her and told her that she needs to mature and realise that she is getting herself into these situations. Well the next day Claire calls me and tells me how her, Mike, and another guy we know, let's call him Dave, all broke into Dave's old house to get drunk. Now Claire's on antidepressants and recently got a new prescription for a different brand which apparently doesn't mix well with alcohol. She proceeded to tell me how she had blacked out to the point of not being able to move and almost stopped breathing, the other people there had to call her mother to come pick her up because she was so messed up. While they're meeting her mom the cops arrive and threaten to arrest them all for public intoxity and breaking and entering. In the end they let them go after calling an ambulance to check up on her and Dave had to drive her car to her house and carry her inside to her bed. She tells me this story with an air of bragging and even goes as far as joking that she couldn't have protected herself. Needless, I didnt have much to say except I'm glad she's ok and she needs to be more careful. Later on in the day my best friend, how about Jessie, which is also one of Claire's friends, calls and I end up telling her the story that I was told. What I didn't know is that Jessie' s boyfriend was in the car with her and heard the conversation. The next day, I get a message from Claire that I betrayed her and it wasn't any of my business to tell her business. She proceeds to insult me and Jessie and in the end I just stop responding until I can get the full story. The reason she is angry is because Jessie's boyfriend knows, which is the only person that knows except me and Jessie, then I find out later that she was planning to tell Jessie's boyfriend anyway and him saying something about it as she was telling him is the reason she is mad.
This ended up being way longer than I thought so I made a super short TL;DR.
TL;DR I told my best friend someone else's story about almost dying and now she is mad because the other persons boyfriend knows about it even though they were planning on telling him anyway.
Had to repost because of inappropriate wording.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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2BkQPnuC8MbDRaxNVSKge7ZZ5YhX0JgN
|
b1p87v
|
{
"description": "wanting my roommate to be kinder",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my roommate to be kinder?
|
Sup guys. Obligatory first post here, on mobile.
So I've been living with my roommate (call her Jackie) for almost two years now. We work together, and she's probably the person I'm closest to in this city.
However, most of the time she makes me feel like she doesn't really care about my feelings or the impact her words have on others. I notice this when I make a joke at work when she happens to be in a bad mood (which is...often) and she snaps at me, but will use the same or similar joke the next day.
Jackie also is one of those girls who probably fits in the r/nicegirls category, and she extremely critical or her own weight and appearance. If she eats anything that isn't a vegetable (which she doesn't eat anyway), and she's "fat" or "disgusting". She's "ugly" because she's trying a new hairstyle. For context, she is very pretty and actually really skinny, skinnier than me. It leads to insecurity issues for both of us. Sometimes she makes me think that if she thinks these bad things about HERSELF, what's stopping her from thinking these things about me?
I've been trying to implement some "house rules" to try and get her to be kinder to herself, such as correcting her when she says something bad about herself to something positive.
One of her friends found out and called me manipulative, and said that if I was really Jackie's friend I'd accept her "quirks" (might not be the exact phrase, it was a couple days ago) and it really shook me. I thought I was doing the right thing, so AITA for trying to help my roommate change to be kinder?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
sruNY046o20QjQhAQYLhRGDAzAiHdOGk
|
aiwsgv
|
{
"description": "not wanting to get a \"real\" part-time job",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to get a “real” part-time job?
|
Sorry in advance for the essay, but here goes.
So for some context, I am a second-year university student in what most would call an intensive and exclusive major program (3% of applicants get in). I live at home - because dorming is an expense neither me nor my mother want to take on, and my mom works in administration; her salary isn’t ridiculous, but with that plus my grandparents’ pension, it’s enough for us (me, her, and grandparents) to live fairly comfortably in a middle-class neighborhood. Unfortunately this means we get very little, if any, financial aid from the university, but in my opinion it’s better to be over that earnings cutoff than below it.
​
Now, my mom has always been very grade-focused, expecting nothing but As throughout my academic career (which I deliver for the most part), and in return, she is very generous with money when it comes to me. When I started university, she told me to just live at home and focus on school, and she would pay for tuition, books, gas for commuting, food, etc. And so, I did just that. I have a credit card connected to my mom that I use for the things listed above, and a debit card connected to my own bank account with which I pay for random stuff I want, outings with friends, and anything really that is “extracurricular”. I’ll admit, on occasion I’ll pay for clothes or something like that on my mom’s dime, but I also pay for some of my textbooks and around half the food I eat on campus myself, so I think it’s pretty even. Recently, my friends have been saying that my mom has been telling them she is going to make me get a part time job soon, but she’s giving me time to find one on my own before she intervenes. I’m not entirely sure what I’ll say when the time comes, but I know for a fact that I don’t really want a part-time job at the moment, and for a couple reasons. The first is that I don’t think I would be able to handle it with my current courses without a marked decrease in my grades or my physical health; last semester I was able to pull off mostly As, but I was constantly staying up late during the week either doing homework or studying, only giving myself the weekend to de-stress a bit and then prepare for the week ahead by watching lectures and taking notes in advance. If I had to juggle a part-time job on top of that, I’m worried I just wouldn’t have enough time in the day to do everything I need to do, given that my classes run right through the middle of the day, so I would have to work at night barring weekends, and this semester especially, since I have two classes in particular that run six hours long. Second, I’m not really in dire need of money right now. I work about 6 hours a week for a family friend, which I am able to do because the hours are super flexible, and it just so happens to pay well enough for me to cover whatever personal expenses I have. My mom has argued with me many times that it isn’t a “real job”, because, and I quote, “other people don’t depend on me to be there”, and so that’s why I’m still stuck in this predicament. In my opinion, if I’m performing a task and receiving money in return, that’s a job.
​
If my mom told me to get a job because she wanted me to pay rent or all my school fees all of a sudden, I would understand that logic, and I guess I would be forced to try and work something out, but as it stands, I feel like I’m just playing the cards I’ve been dealt, and I’m assuming she just wants me to be more productive, which I feel I already am, just not in the form of cashiering at Target (not that anything is wrong with that).
​
That’s about it, AITA Reddit? I’m not entirely sure if I’m within my rights or if I’m a spoiled kid taking advantage of mom, so I’m counting on you to judge me. Also if anything is unclear, I can answer questions/give more info.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "(reluctantly) asking to take my brother to formal",
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|
AITA for (reluctantly) asking to take my brother to formal?
|
Hi! Using a throwaway.
So, I'm a teenager, living at home. My brother(in middle school) has a formal later today, and my mom called me and asked me to take him(by getting in an Uber with him.) I ask, why can't she do it(she told my brother she would)?, and she just keeps saying "Because I said so". I keep asking her for reasons why, and *eventually* she gives me two answers:
• She can't get home in time(work for her had ended an hour before, and she went out of her way to grab food before)
• She's scared to let him in an Uber himself(at his age, I was Ubering myself around, at their request. Also, keep in mind we live a block and a half from school; he could have easily walked, and in fact I do once or twice a week.)
So, fine. After the argument, I reluctantly agree to stop my homework and take him. I ask him to get ready, and he says he doesn't want to go anymore because he heard us arguing(he was in the next room over, with no door between us.)
My mom got home, and called me an ass, despite my brother not wanting to go. She talks my brother into going(he reluctantly went, despite not wanting to go originally), and she's now in her room, refusing to talk to me. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "beginning to remove myself from my uncle's funeral after his kids have taken reign of the situation",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for beginning to remove myself from my uncle’s funeral after his kids have taken reign of the situation?
|
My uncle was in a car accident last week. I was the first on the scene, spoke to police and paramedics. I was first to the hospital and dealed with speaking to doctors and nurses, and relaying that information to his family. Once immediate family arrived, I left and let them take of the situation.
He passed away at 3am two days later. Now my father is upset that I wasn’t in the room to watch them remove him from life support. They’re upset that I’m not bawling like everyone else. I had a good relationship with my uncle and saw him 3 times a week, and knew he was in a living hell of mental health issues. I’m saddened but relieved that he’s out of that pain now.
My uncle has 6 children who are high earners. My dad wants me to be in charge of certain portions of the funeral and attend to all the guest and make sure their needs are met. I’ve told him that they can get one of his many grandkids to take care of it but he isn’t have it. He’s turning this into an opportunity to show case me and I feel like it’s vanity as he knows extended family will be there and had done this in the past.
I feel like I must step up to the plate, but feel like I’m being pushed into it for nebulous reasons. I don’t see how I must be a moving component of the funeral, and yet none of my older cousins or family are really doing much. I feel like an asshole for not being more upset about the situation, and everyone thinks I’m an asshole for not crying non stop.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aipglw
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{
"description": "not sympathising with my ex-girlfriend when she broke up with me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not sympathising with my ex-girlfriend when she broke up with me?
|
so, this girl and i were on and off for around five years. we tried dating in the middle of it, which resulted in a difficult break up, but tried again around six months ago. as you can tell from the title of this post, that did not go well. i now know the reason why you don't go back to exes.
that bit of backstory aside, when we broke up again a little while back, she said a very interesting thing when i asked her the reason why she didn't want to keep going.
she told me that one night a couple of days before the breakup, we had sex (like couples normally do, and as we usually did too) and she had gotten flashbacks of when she was sexually assaulted as a young girl. now, every single time she looked at me, or thought of me, this is what she pictured.
i had already known of her past as she had confided in me before. never had i thought it would ever rear its ugly head into our relationship THIS way.
obviously i didn't take this well. in fact, i didn't sympathise with her at all. i went off about "how dare you tell me this?" or something along those lines. i was furious that this is what she decided to tell me, like she knew that i would be deeply affected by this comment.
and i was. i felt disgusting in that moment and for weeks afterwards. and i was so angry at her for telling me this, that i cut off all communication with her, despite her begging me not to go.
so i guess what i'm asking is, is that should I have been more sympathetic? aita for not being more caring or understanding, or am i well within my right to be upset, considering she put me through weeks of internal disgust with myself? looking to get some opinions on this.
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HISTORICAL
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ayr2t4
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{
"description": "going for a late night walk",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for going for a late night walk
|
Last night I just couldn't sleep, so I got up and decided I'd leave the appartment without waking up my gf. I didn't even go very far, I left around 11:30pm and went a little ways down the street to a late night diner place that's open as late as the city allows.
I got back around 3am and my gf was freaking out about me being missing in the middle of the night, because she was worried what could have happened to me. Going on about how it's not safe for a woman to walk alone at night, (and about how cold it is for me to go out without a coat.)
The thing is I used to be homeless, I know the streets and how to stay on a lookout for danger, so it's not like I'm clueless.
Am I the asshole for not taking her concerns seriously and leaving without telling her?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "getting mad at my mom for not letting me spend the weekend with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my mom for not letting me spend the weekend with my GF
|
My gf and I are both heading to colleges that are in different parts of the states in fall and we wanted to take a short vacation to our favorite spot up north for the weekend.
We are both 18 (me being almost 19), but yet my mom says I’m not allowed to go and will not let me. Now her parents are completely fine with it and I’m paying for all of it, but yet my mom will not let me go. I got mad at her for this as she isn’t allowing me any freedom with my gf and treating me like I’m still not allowed to make my own choices.
Would I be an asshole if I just went anyways or should I rethink it?
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HISTORICAL
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azhstd
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{
"description": "sleeping with a roommate's ex after my own breakup",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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}
|
AITA for sleeping with a roommate's ex after my own breakup?
|
The players:
-Me: me, 27M
-Jon: Old roommate, 20M
-Kel: Roommate's ex, 21F
I lived in an apartment with Jon for a few years, but never knew him before. For most of that time I was dating someone, and eventually Jon started dating Kel. They quickly moved in together, and just as quickly began having problems. Kel and I started hanging out platonically
Just this year, my GF left the state for a new job (traveling consultation, will probably never see each other again), I moved into a new apartment after landing a full time job, and Kel and Jon broke up. Kel started coming over and we've been casually rebounding off each other, but Jon found out and is extremely pissed off, so I'm here wondering the exact level of jerk move I pulled
reddit, am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ahhtj0
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"description": "making an honest mistake",
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|
AITA for making an honest mistake?
|
This post is mainly because I want to vent, and I have a lot of frustrations right now. My friends and I planned to have a get together and drink some beers at \*Jack's house. One of my friends, I'll call him \*Rico, asks if I can take him to the Jack's house when I decide to go. I agreed to it. Rico calls me around noon and asks me when I want to go, I tell him vaguely that we'll go in a little bit but not too long, and that I have to change my oil first. After I get off the phone with him, I decided to take a nap before I changed my oil because I've been sick for a while and was feeling particularly tired. I end up sleeping for way too long, (four hours) and obviously Rico is very upset when I call him back. I explain my situation to him and that I did not intentionally mean to waste his time because I wasn't planning on sleeping for that long. I sincerely apologize and tell him that his drinks are on me. Now, Rico's at Jack's house with some of my other friends, and I'm basically not allowed to go and have a good time because of my mistake and Rico does not want me there. This whole thing might sound petty, but I was really looking forward to getting drunk and letting go tonight. Now I'm just at home, very flustered, and writing this post. Am I still the asshole in this situation? And is it justified for me to be exiled from hanging out? Sorry if I was not clear enough about specifics, if there are any questions let me know.
TLDR I accidentally overslept and my friends will not allow me to come chill and drink, despite me sincerely apologizing for my honest mistake.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a2xh7t
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{
"description": "almost killing my friends",
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}
|
AITA for almost killing my friends
|
That's dramatic.
It needs a little back story or you guys won't understand. Basically, I have a shit ton of issues. When I take too many of my anxiety pills/antidepressants, I start having horrible symptoms like hallucinations, disphoria, dizziness, and a lot more (It's only a specific one, not all of them). I don't usually take them at all. But, I took it because I get anxiety in tight spaces.
Basically, we were having a road trip. We all took turns driving my dad's old van. I took four of my pills because I forgot about the other two that I took. I mentioned this to everyone but they still wanted me to drive. It started getting worse while driving. I was fading in and out, everyone laughing at me sounded like Alvin from the chimpmunks movie. I just wasn't feeling it. They told me that I was saying random things and that I started to act intoxicated. Then, fast forward, it was dark and I thought I saw myself jump in front of the car or something. So, you guessed it, I swerved extremely fast. I ended up crashing the car into a post. I don't remember much after that. They called the cops I guess. The told the cop everything. I went to the hospital temporarily. They let me out because I didn't want to go to rehab or anything.
Fast forward, everyone is butt hurt about it and I couldn't care less. All of them keep throwing sneak disses my way and giving snarky remarks like, 'Don't take too many of your pills this time.', 'Is it okay for you to drive or are you gonna attempt to murder us again.' (All of this was today). They've witnessed many incidents with me on my medication. They know I have anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia. I even warned all of them about the bad symptoms when I take too much. I just wanted to ask Reddit if I was actually even in the wrong with any of this.
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HISTORICAL
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a2rxex
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{
"description": "stopping talking to someone",
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|
WIBTA if I stop talking to someone
|
Ok so this is posted on a throwaway since the person in particular knows about my main account.
Anyways so I met this person in a sub and they asked for someone to talk to so I decided to message them in the comments to which they messaged me in private,so we start talking and I’m guessing they liked what I talked about because I had to go and they messaged me the next day.So go onto the next week and the conversation starts to die because of my fault for not having anything to talk about and I’m guessing that they also saw that I was running out of things to talk about so we took a break from talking daily to every other day(we talk for 1 day then wait until 1-2 before talking again) and that’s how it goes for a week before they started responding to me at 3am(I have school so I obviously can’t stay up that late) then we talk at the end of the week and we talk for a good 6-7 hours while I’m exhausted since it was 3am.Anyways we talk the next day and as expected the convo dies.and I know some people are going to say that I’m having a great relationship with this person and I am but it’s just I’m starting get extremely paranoid that the only reason they talk to me is because they know that I haven’t had any friends months(not even joking) or any type of social interaction with anyone because I don’t like to be with people(my problem I know) and they are the only person I’ve talked and be personal with but I don’t want them to continually talk to me just because of that sole reason. So judge away I guess.
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ash7xt
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{
"description": "getting mad at my mom for not being able to buy a microphone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For getting mad at my mom for not being able to buy a microphone?
|
Before we get started, let me just say sorry for grammatical errors and bad formatting, i’m on mobile.
So Im 15 and I’ve been wanting to buy this 50 dollar microphone (blue yeti snowball) and my birthday is coming up. I decided i didn’t want my parents buying it for me, so i felt like paying for it. i have 100 dollars in savings and i was going to give all of it to my mom so i can order this microphone off amazon. She says no. I tell her that i’m going to pay for it, and she yells at me no. She asks me “do you want me to write this down?” Before i say anything she grabs a random paper, takes a pen and aggressively writes N.O. really slowly and draws a slowwww circle around it. I leave crying. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
aedfka
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{
"description": "hanging out with other girls",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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}
|
AITA for hanging out with other girls?
|
Hi All.
​
First real post here on Reddit, so please bear with me :)
​
Okay. So I (21M) have been dating my girlfriend (let's call her Sarah) for about four months now. We get along really well and are pretty similar with just enough differences for it to be interesting. We were both also cheated on during our previous relationships.
​
Yesterday I hung out with arguably my best friend (20F - lets call her Kate) and we grabbed some lunch and saw a movie. My girlfriend saw this on social media and understandably (or not) freaked out. My phone was on silent for most of the day, so when I checked it after I got home I saw that I had a near dozen messages. She was asking who the hell this girl was and why am I alone with her? As I mentioned earlier, we were both cheated on by our previous partners, so I can see where she is coming from. I explained to her that I have known Kate for almost my entire life. We grew up across the road from each other and have always been close. I was careful to stress that this is a strictly platonic relationship and neither of us are romantically interested in the other. But Sarah still didn't like this. She told me that it makes her feel uncomfortable to see me alone with other girls and wouldn't like me to do that.
​
As I said, I have known Kate my whole life. So I told her that, no, she is my friend and I want to hang out with her. I also pointed out the fact that she has guy friends whom she hangs out with as well. If the situation was reversed, would she be feeling the same? Bad move. She has pretty much ignored me all day and her friend messaged calling me an arsehole for not being receptive to her feelings.
​
So, Reddit. Am I right here or AITA for not being sensitive to her feelings? I really like this girl but this feels like a deal breaker to me.
​
tl;dr: Hung out with my female best friend. Girl friend freaked out and asked me to not be alone with females (cheated on in previous relationship). I told her no and now she is super pissed at me.
​
​
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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ao60lj
|
{
"description": "making noise in my room late at night",
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|
AITA: Making noise in my room late at night.
|
I am in my first year of university and am living in ‘halls’, the way the housing is set out is a house of twelve people over three floors with four people on each floor. I live on the top floor, generally quite quiet, about three times a week there will be noise from people when it’s a night where people go out. My room is next to a girls room who goes to bed early, between 10:30 and 11:30 (I would consider this early, any noise has almost always stopped by 00:30) every night, at this time I will usually be watching a film and/or talking with a friend in my room. I have been consistently getting messages asking me to stop, keep it down or simply to go somewhere else as she’s trying to get to sleep. All requests I would gladly do if I was being excessively loud, shouting, laughing hysterically, screaming etc. She likes complete silence when she’s trying to sleep and I’m starting to feel like I need to stop my life to accommodate 100% for her. Don’t get me wrong, there have been a handful of times where I have understood her request for me to keep it down when I have gotten carried away but I feel it’s a getting a little ridiculous, what are you expecting living in halls?
Initially I felt so guilty about it but I’m starting to get fed up of it and want to know AITA, and if I am what you’d recommend and if I’m not, how I go about speaking to her, I hate confrontation and can be quite socially awkward. Other than this situation, I love her to pieces and she’s one of my favourite people that I know at Uni but I can tell this is effecting our friendship.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
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|
azp6fo
|
{
"description": "not wanting my dad & brother to pay for part of my cousins trip to Europe",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my dad & brother to pay for part of my cousins trip to Europe?
|
So I (20 F) have been wanting to travel all over Europe as long as I can remember but never really had the means to do so & plus always had work & school. My parents are supportive but always talked me out of it because of money issues. I‘m finally able to go for about a month & a half & asked a few of my friends if they wanted to join but because of their schedules or money no one is able to tag along with me. (Understandable) so I figured I’d just go by myself. I was a bit iffy on that but as I’ve been researching & talking to people my mindset has completely changed & I’ve become really excited about the idea of solo travel. Now most of my trip is just me but I might meet a few people I know out there. My family isn’t too happy about me going by myself but I’m not going to not go because others can’t; otherwise I’d never end up going.
Out of nowhere a (distant) cousin of mine said she might join me on my trip. I had mixed emotions cause cool I would have someone I know with me but also I was really excited to travel solo. I figured my parents or brother told her about it but I wasn’t thinking too much into it. Come to find out the reason she is interested is cause my dad & brother offered to pay for part of her trip so I don’t go solo.
I’m annoyed because they did this without asking me & also cause they were so big on us not having enough money to travel yet they’re giving her money when they could have helped me out instead???? No one offered to help me when I talked about it. When I think about it I feel so bratty & selfish but I’m kinda hurt by this. Am I overreacting? AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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af11sv
|
{
"description": "trying to defend my friend to my girlfriend and defend him to his",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For trying to defend my friend to my girlfriend and defend him to his?
|
A couple weeks ago, my friend invited me, my girlfriend and his girlfriend to a bar with some of his co- workers. Once my girlfriend and his got there (they're cousins and got a lift together) his co- workers decided to go to a different place, a club and it was decided we go to the other place. The other place was an hour on a bus away.
I'm at home for that part so I get a lift in later too the second place and when I get into the car I find out the place has changed again as we're not going with his co-workers. My friend waited outside this 3rf place for nearly an hour to go in with me and when I get in him his girlfriend and my girlfriend aren't speaking.
The night goes by and my friend walks off after having what looked like a 'heated debate' do I go and try to cool him off. I get back and my girlfriend starts talking to him and he walks off again.
Her point of view was that he messed them around. His point of view was that it wasn't his fault his co-workers changed the plans and he had apologised for it.
I tried to get them to see each others points of view but they both just seemed to get annoyed at me.
The part I think I'm an asshole for was I left pretty drunk with my gifriend and when we got out of the taxi it turned into some huge screaming match where she would give out to me for siding with him and not listening to her and I called her a selfish bitch (regretted) for not allowing me to speak. I ended up walking away so I could write down what ai wanted to say because she didn't seem to listen to me.
Am I the peacekeeper I was trying to be? Or AITA playing both sides?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
VcTttiPg1u0o9szGmer61kwvLqvAAtAu
|
azircy
|
{
"description": "being in a serious relationship but getting turned on when my friend sends me pictures of her feet because I have a foot fetish",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being in a serious relationship but getting turned on when my friend sends me pictures of her feet because I have a foot fetish?
|
I've always had a foot fetish and I think girls' feet are so cute. My girlfriend knows about it but isn't really into it and she said she doesn't mind if I indulge in it. So there's a girl I've been good friends with for years and she has really cute feet, she knows I like them so she sends me pics and videos of her feet all the time. Like she'll send me videos of her getting pedicures, painting her toes and stuff and I really like it. She has a boyfriend and he doesn't care as long as it's just pictures. She's a really good friend and she loves doing it for me because she knows it makes me happy and she likes turning me on. Some people say I'm cheating or it's fucked up or whatever, but like I said my girlfriend said she wants me to take care of it, so am I really doing anything wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
qbvAsJZS64HFo0j5vsUytoJNA3TmZF5x
|
af6rw7
|
{
"description": "wanting to have sex with my boyfriend on my period even though he doesn't",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting to have sex with my boyfriend on my period even though he doesn't?
|
AITA for wanting to have sex with my boyfriend on my period even though he doesn't enjoy the idea of it at all?
New to this sub. Been thinking about this for a long time. I apologize in advance for my English, I'm not a native speaker. Just a little background info:
95% of the time I am on my period, it has been like this for almost 3 years now I think. This is around the time I started dating my current boyfriend.
I love sex, and my boyfriend does as well. However, my boyfriend can't stand the idea of having sex with me while I'm bleeding.
Except, he never complains, really. He only ever jokes about it.
He has been allowed to sleep with other girls for about 2 years now, but he never did. We sometimes resort to a.. different kind of penetration (Don't want to make this post to crude. But you know what I mean) when I have been bleeding for a really really long time. I'm honestly fine with that, and he is as well, but it's just not the same as the real thing, and I really really miss it.
I really want to respect his wishes and boundaries, and I would never ever force myself upon him, I'm just frustrated at times.
Am I the asshole for thinking my boyfriend is a bit asshole-ey for not wanting to have sex with me while I'm on my period?
Tldr; I'm always on my period and I want to have sex with my boyfriend, but he doesn't and I think that is a bit of a dick move. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
OBnjseMc3sD37EJB4fL5fazwJOD3IPXX
|
av3fbj
|
{
"description": "betting on Fifa games with my roommate when he is not as good as me and winning a lot of his money",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for betting on Fifa games with my roommate when he is not as good as me and winning a lot of his money.
|
I am a senior in College now living with a few roommates. One of the roommates and I hang out a decent amount and I know he likes to gamble, and is possibly addicted. Yesterday, he came into my room and asked If i wanted to play Fifa and bet on it with him; I agreed. Ive played him before and I know i am a lot better than he is. We began playing $5 games which escalted to $35 on each game by the end. After playing for like 3 hours, I only lost one game and I won $200 off of him. He graduated a semester early so he has to pay loans, rent and other shit but he only makes $14/hour at his full time job. I feel bad because he told me he can barely afford to eat now, which is definitely an exaggeration but still I feel bad. Should I give him back some, if not all, of the money or should this be used as a lesson.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
2fFopiOkFV4GxllLAc5vaYmA3o4jRN4z
|
b1ce2p
|
{
"description": "reporting my boss",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for reporting my boss.
|
last year I took up a new job at a restaurant working in the eveningsTo give you an idea of the place, it was a small restaurant of about 12 tables plus we take phone orders, online orders and do delivery. The front of house is expected to open the shop, tske bookings, seat tables, put through the online orders, answer phone orders, take orders, make drinks and deserts, clean the restaurant, clean all dishes, do the end if day accounts and shut the shop, and most days out of the week there would be one person doing it all by themself.
first my boss was really lovely to me, saying I was picking things up well. Then about a month in, her whole demeanor completely. After this point any mistake I made she came down on me like a ton of bricks.
• After being shown how to do something once I was expected to remember.
• Anytime i did ask how to do something she acted like I was an idiot.
• If I was doing close she expected me to reset the restaurant do closing procedures in half an hour.
• She would speak so nicely to the other waitress, then when i attempted to talk to her she was cold.
After a while she had me convinced that I was just a shit employee who didn't know how to do anything. One night I was speaking to the other waitress who they adored, and she reassured me that their expectations were somewhat unreasonable. My boyfriend would try and comfort me by saying that if i was really that awful then why hasn't thid happened at other places i worked.
Then I was contacted for a trial at a new restaurant . After the trial I agreed to do some more shifts with them. I told my old boss i needed a week off I wad planning on talking with her later in the week about leaving. I was afraid of her response as one of the waitresses was still working 3 months after she was meant to leave becauseour boss guilted her into staying and hadn't bothered finding someone else.
Well wouldn't you know it, my first proper shift at this restaurant and who decides to go have lunch there? My old boss,i can tell she isn't happy.
A week later we organise to meet up and talk. I wanted to go in there and meet halfway, saying that I'm sorry things went out this way and I should've handled it better but here's why I felt i had to do what did.
She said I left her understaffed when i knew she didn't have a babysitter for her child and couldn't be there all the time. When i said I wasn't going to leave things that way she rolled her eyes and told me it looked different from whete she was sitting and it didn't look good on my character, despite never being late for a shift and constantly picking them up when she was short. When I tried to point out what I felt was unfair, she would just say how i wasn't suited to this role. Towards the end she just cut me off.
Throughout the whole time I worked for her i never once received a pay slip and was not payed penalty rates. I could report her to the fairwork commission for this. However a part of me feels petty.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Qha2mqOqFXhWoe3rRBRB5uuC87aNNKgp
|
aln9w4
| null |
UPDATE - AITA for demanding that my mom delete a post?
|
Original post : https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/akfbxj/aita_for_demanding_that_my_mom_delete_a_post/?utm_source=reddit-android
The post has currently not been deleted, in contrast to what i had said before in my original post. I had genuinely thought that mother would respect my wishes to not post, but i guess not.
I am furious at her for disrespecting me, such as being angry at me for calling her out, or bitching at me for being disrespectful to HER.
I am just about done with her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
A7VSoiiAx8oIuN6BrM5MaJyurgv9CVKD
|
am0fds
|
{
"description": "not wanting to do my own taxes",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to do my own taxes?
|
Context: I’ve lived with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. He’s wonderful and so far living together has been some of the best times of my life. He’s 27 and I’m 25. We don’t really have arguments but one of the only things that seems to really bother him in our relationship is the fact that I don’t do my own taxes. My father has always been the one who handles finances in my family so every year I give him the necessary paperwork and forms and he just files it for me. He does this for everyone in my family (including my grandma, siblings, and mother) because although he is not diagnosed my siblings and I are convinced he has some level of OCD or anxiety and likes for things to be very particular and done “his way”. I never complained or put up a fight about it because I don’t see a reason to have to worry about doing my own taxes when my dad is more than willing to do it for me. If my dad one day did decide that he didn’t want to file my taxes for me than I would be more than willing to suck it up and do it myself. Last year during tax season my boyfriend unexpectedly freaked out when he heard me talking over the phone with my mom telling her I mailed dad my W2s and got very upset when I confronted him about it. I never gave it much thought but he’s outright told me that he thinks it’s really weird that my dad does this for me and that I’m so dependent on him. I see where he’s coming from, but I thought he was being way too dramatic about the whole thing. While he’s not estranged from his family, he is not close with his parents and moved out when he was 17 and is very independent (I on the other hand am very close to my family and didn’t move out until I was 23) so again I can see why this confuses him.
A few days ago I received my W2s for this tax year. My boyfriend made an offhand comment about if I was planning to do my own taxes this year to which I told him that I was probably just going to let my dad file them again this year. He immediately got huffy and kept asking me over and over again why I just didn’t do my own and that he would be happy to show me how. I explained that I didn’t want to have to worry about it and that’s it’s just easier to have my dad do them for me. He then asked if I didn’t trust him enough to show me how to properly file my taxes and asked what I would do if we got married. This threw me off. Of course I trust him, he’s been doing his own taxes since he was 17 and of course if we got married I’d file our taxes together, but no matter how many times I tried to explain myself he didn’t seem to understand that this is just a matter of convenience and it’s so much easier to let my dad handle it than worry with it myself and then have my dad fret over whether or not it was filed properly. He then stormed off to the bedroom effectively ending the conversation. We’ve been tiptoeing around the subject and haven’t talked about it since.
So I don’t know. Am I the asshole for not letting him help me with my taxes and just sending it to my dad to take care of, or is he reading way too much into the whole situation? Please help.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
GDYjzbGAplVU61El1cgMmJ5g8TCuruhn
|
ap9pq3
|
{
"description": "getting mad at boyfriend for not cooking me breakfaat",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for getting mad at boyfriend for not cooking me breakfaat?
|
So basically I asked my boyfriend to cook me breakfast just because I was hungover and he puts the eggs and bacon in the pan and tells me I can finish it because "I did 80% of the work"
We start arguing, I'm not pissed that I didn't get what I want I'm pissed because what he said is so idiotic and idk how it makes sense in his mind. He then says I shouldn't be angry because "if someone does something nice for you and fails you should still be thankful" to which I respond "you didn't fail, you're choosing to not cook for me"
Then of course I call him an asshole which just made the whole fight about me insulting him when he's "trying to be nice" blah blah. His other argument is that I like my eggs and bacon a certain way and he's never made them that way. But like.....learn? He's a very picky eater and I tailor all my recipes so he can enjoy them too/make things multiple times until I get it right so we can both enjoy our meal. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
6hCnCvIbc4DTBGSTxXUYsBHEOB436rpl
|
a0bz9t
|
{
"description": "thinking my friend should have checked in on me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for Thinking My Friend Should Have Checked in on Me?
|
Background; my friend, one other person, and I are in a group chat where we talk rather consistently every day. The friend in question and I have been friends for around three years, and have talked pretty much every day for around two. She is, however, recently went totally silent in the chat for around a week and a half. During that time, I’ve had multiple really shitty things happen that I would have really liked someone to empathize with me or at least acknowledge me in any way, including my dog regrowing lumps in areas where she’d had cancer, getting them removed, and then going to the animal hospital a day later because she scratched the stitches out, and a call from a debt collector saying that my father who left home (and subsequently died) owed 7,000 dollars to a credit card company, and that it now falls on my family to pay it, etc. etc. I posted all these things in the chat, because I would have liked some kind of outreach of support, as, I think, friends ought to do for one another. The friend in question has been online fairly frequently (around once every 15 minutes for a few minutes whenever she isn’t at work), and has read everything I’ve posted, and said nothing. I wasn’t incessantly spamming these messages, but just went over what happened. This was included with a few messages I sent her in dms, like wishing her a happy Thanksgiving, that were also read but unresponded to. I checked in on her to question what was going on, because I felt a bit abandoned.
The sides:
Her side: She says, that very basically, she hasn’t felt up to talking. That sometimes, she loses pretty much all of her emotional energy, and closes herself off to everyone but her and her immediate family, and that we’ve talked about this before, and it just hasn’t come up this way, and that I was acting rather dramatically by coming to her about it, given that we’ve established that she can be (or just is) very emotionally unavailable. That she’s here for me in case of emergencies, but that she spends basically all of her energy on trying to fix her life and maintaining her relationships with her family, and doesn’t have the energy to check in on friends or reach out when she knows they’re not having an easy time. She likened it to a person feeling unable to get out of bed in the morning or take showers when suffering from a depressive episode. Additionally, she finds that the conversation lacked any purpose or solvency, because I can’t change the way I feel about her doing that, and she can’t change the fact that she just doesn’t have the emotional investment to be there.
My side:
My side basically boils down to that I never asked her to have an entire conversation with me or pour over every detail of what was going on in my life, but that after being friends for as long as we have, it felt very shitty for her to say she lacked any emotional energy whatsoever to leave me on read while she was very consistently online while I very evidently would have just liked a “that sucks, I’m sorry,” or “that sounds difficult.”
I acknowledge that, even though usually we talk every day, sometimes she just isn’t up for it. And that generally, she’s a very emotionally unavailable person to people outside of her family. But I think that claiming that a word of encouragement for a friend, or maybe a reciprocation of well-wishes (as in happy Thanksgiving), takes so much emotional energy that she just can’t do it, is dramatic at best, and seems rather selfish or fickle at worst. I suggested to her that, the same way that many depressed people find cognitive strategies to at least go through the motions of a normal day, her emotional unavailability may not lack the solvency that she says it does, and that much of it may be her own thought processes. Which, again, isn’t to say that she owes me the energy to hold conversations every day or anything, but that at the point where she closes herself off for now weeks at a time, where she can’t find the energy to extend any sort of sympathy toward anything that was going on, it becomes a barrier to the friendship where I don’t feel as though she’s trying to show she cares.
After around a three hour conversation on the topic, we both went silent and haven’t said anything since. I’d like to know if I’m the one in the wrong here, because I’d like to repair things between us as soon as possible. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
PBHhUgxRvCO41sXqQcKrx4yXrhQzUY76
|
a600u5
|
{
"description": "cockblocking a friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for cockblocking a friend
|
Okay so.... First off, this is an adult account... I dunno if he uses reddit...
So one of my friends was going to meet a random person to have sex for the first time... And... I just got some really bad vibes from the situation... I mean he doesn't know anything about the person he was going to meet.... Not even a picture... And my state is really bad for std's... It just set off a lot of red flags for me.... But my SO said that it's not my place and it's a normal thing for guys to do... I dont know... I would have felt even worse if something had happened...but still... aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
NOQKYUboCSu6VvAR46D3Eh6plsaaF7ZD
|
b59qay
|
{
"description": "telling my gf not to like guys photos",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for telling my gf not to like guys photos
|
As the title says...
In the past I have liked girls photos on Instagram - friends and some celebrities, admittedly I had an ex on there too and may have been with a few of the friends many many years ago. My girlfriend ALWAYS had a huge argument with me about it and I told her I would stop if it hurt her that much (I did).
Recently I was with a friend who had seen my girlfriend liking guys photos on Facebook. I usually wouldn’t care but thought it’s odd to have one rule for her and another for me. I confronted her about it and she said I’m being nasty; I’m an asshole and that they’re just friends and ‘Facebook likes mean nothing, they’re different to Instagram’
I feel like her KNOWING I don’t have/ use Facebook and liking photos is worse than me liking Instagram photos when I have her following/followed on my account.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
HrN8LUTXe9eNsuQotqze1m4WcgkbZEB6
|
alm455
| null |
AITA For don't make her my GF when i could.
|
I meet this girl in High School when i was 16 and she was the girl i ever wanted to know,beautiful face,beautiful body and beautiful feelings for me but i was the typical fuckboy and hurt her so bad,after a couple years she get tired of me and get a bf,it was until that point that i realize that she was everythig i always ever expected,i centainly saw my mistake and beg her for a chance but she don't give a f\*ck.
​
Now has been 5 years and she's still whit her boy and i think they gonna get married and im here,alone,seeing how the girl of my dreams goes whit a dude who cheat her.
​
I know im young but i really feel^((And probably i'm))like an asshole.Just roast me.
​
Sorry for mi english btw.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
1mt1JIor5wKDmkiofnwgWazApjIk5UAg
|
awgvld
|
{
"description": "meeting up with someone who might be into me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I meet up with someone who might be into me?
|
Everyone in this story is late teens/early 20s. So I've recently been going out with a guy and things are going really well. It's our first real relationship for either of us so I'm a bit apprehensive of doing something to mess it up. We're not exactly GF/BF as of yet but it's heading that way, so semi serious I guess?
Anyway, the problem arises cause I recently got a text from a guy I went to school with. He's left now, and I'd say we were kind of friends? We got on well in school, but we never really hung out outside of that. He's one of those guys who has a kind of flirty personality.
Last time I saw him was at a mutual friend's party. He was kinda drunk, I was sober and we hung out all night because my friend I came with ditched me. It was fun, and I was grateful to have someone to talk to. However, I heard afterwards that he kinda liked me, although I don't even know if that's true. We chatted for a bit online the next day, but the convo died and I haven't talked to him in 6 months.
Out of the blue, he texted me and asked if I was up for meeting up. I think it's pretty unlikely that he still likes me, seeing as we haven't talked in 6 months, but others have said he might be looking at it as a date. I don't know why he wants to meet up seeing as we're not close. I'm honestly a bit worried about him cause of some of the stuff he's posted. WIBTA for going? Do I need to explain all this to the current guy? WIBTA if I didn't?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
t4rZAUfDE68kD3plWEdUQSuUgUgVAgDw
|
af24jj
|
{
"description": "leaving my girlfriend at a Party",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for Leaving my Girlfriend at a Party?
|
Throwaway account, of course.
This happened on new years of last year, so January 1st 2018, and ever since I've gotten mixed opinions from others on whether or not ITA.
Me and my girlfriend had been on and off for a couple weeks, and planned to go to a New Years Eve Party. I hate parties, I'm super introverted and get nervous. She then told me how she was sexually assaulted months ago at a party. I was super supportive of her and proud of her for being so strong and nearly completely overcoming that event. She said she felt unsafe going to another party and I assured her I'd be there to make sure she's safe, along with the other friends that were going with us.
We get to the party at around 10pm and it's whatever, I'm not tired or nervous or anything yet. About half in hour in everyones having a good time and drinking, I was not, however, since I was the driver. Time goes by and she starts to do thing that get on my nerves. Generally being loud, trying to kiss other people, talking about others she'd like to bang etc etc. Ball drops, we kiss, and she goes back to being crazy. I'm having a decent time actually, I'm talking to other people. Her and I start to argue outside quietly, for a couple minutes, we go back in and she avoids me. Around 1:30 am I decide its time for me to go, I'm getting anxious and tired and all that. I say bye to everyone, and make my way home. Go to sleep, wake up, and she's beyond pissed at me for leaving her. Asking how I could leave her she couldve been taken advantage of again, fuck you, youre terrible etc etc.
Now when I decided to leave the party it wasnt because we were fighting, just tired and anxious. The thought didnt cross my mind that she would be mad at me in the morning for leaving early. And I told her I couldnt do parties for long. I didnt just leave her to be taken advantage of either, I left her with her sober friends who NEVER let her out of their site. I also told them if they needed ANYTHING to call me and I'll come help them with whatever. I personally feel like im NTA because I left her with her responsible, sober, friends who didnt let her out of their site.
I've told this story to quite a few people and it seems like it's a fifty fifty split on opinions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
KNWHnKVYMTJXY7HFuFyvqpkWV7OTGRJy
|
aq9kyi
|
{
"description": "asking mu boyfriend about Valentine's gifts/ plans",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking mu boyfriend about Valentine's gifts/ plans?
|
My boyfriend isn't so great at gift giving. I try really hard not to care, he's incredibly caring and wonderful in every other way, but he just does not give gifts well. He will either spend months handmaking something beautiful for me, which is amazing and I love every thing he makes, or he wont have time and just get me nothing at all.
For my birthday this year, he gave me a very pretty bead and yarn braclet, which I do really like, but nothing else, but I was really just glad he got me something. Last year he didn't get me anything, felt horrible when I mentioned it which made me feel horrible and then insisted he would get me something later but never did. Then I mentioned Id love just a day to go do something together like a museum, and he said thats great and then we never did anything. If I mention anything about it at all he usually will get super upset with himself, promise me something, then never get me anything, and then I feel horrible and won't bring it up again because if I do ever it's a big thing and he will be depressed about it for days.
This year was a big anniversary and we went on a trip and I got him a kind of pricey necklace because I knew he would love it and it meant a lot to him. He loves it and wears it all the time, and again didn't get me anything but said oh I'll get you something nice too while we are on the trip. He didn't, and valentiens is about a month after anniversary, so I sent him a link to a necklace I liked and mentioned if he wanted to get me a anniversary or valentien's gift, I like this necklace.
Well we were talking today about what to do for valentien's, and I mentioned the gift I got him was running late and would be there the day after valentiens and I was sorry, and he said oh well your necklace isnt here either, and I was like oh thats sweet he actually got it but then he mentioned how it was a combination anniversary and valentien's gift and I was like.... I mean, I thought it would be for one of those, not both, and then he got upset over not getting me a good enough gift and I just feel like shit for even mentioning it, but this is the 10th time we have had this conversation about just valentien's, not to mention anniversary and birthdays. The necklace was the same cost as the one I got him, but I also got him a nice valentien's gift and his birthday is a few days later and I got him a nice gift for that too. It really isn't even about money or cost, I literally just want anything he picked out to show that he thought about it at all in advance. Our first valentien's day was our first fight because he didn'teven get me cheap chocolate, and we both worked at a grocery store and we literally surrounded by chocolate and stuffed animals and cards for months.
I feel like an asshole for sounding like im ungrateful for his gifts, but he doesn't try to pick things out for me or anything, even if its inexpensive he says he worries I wont like something he chooses so he just gets me nothing. But he sort of got me a gift this one time and I feel like an asshole for mentioning the forgotten anniversary gift at all.
Plus the gifts dont mean much when he only gets them because he feels guilty, months later. I worry I spoiled valentiens day already by mentioning that I thought the necklace was for our anniversarry, but he did promise to get me something nice and got me excited for it the whole trip and then just dropped it.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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K0mhOuYXf7NNTNLHhd9akm042L9paOXQ
|
9wi1bs
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{
"description": "sending a text to BF's mom asking for her to not make jabs at our diets",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for sending a text to BF's Mom asking for her to not make jabs at our diets?
|
My boyfriend’s (let's call him C) Mom and I recently had a little fight.
We have differing views on health and nutrition and since my doctor told me to go on a special diet, my boyfriend and I dropped sugar and started working out.
For reference, we both look and feel great now.
His Mom is an avid gym-goer and takes her nutrition very seriously. Even if we have some differing views.
A few out of many incidences that occurred.
* C and I started drinking milk for calories and protein (due to heavy lifting). After she found out, on a few instances she made a point of either making a funny face when we had milk, calling it disgusting, and going on about why she would never have it, and that she was worried for her son (We had been drinking it for at least 1 month by that point).
* When I went sugar free, the mother and I were just talking about health related things, as we sometimes do, when I jokingly added, "at least I can still have pizza". To which she responded: "going sugar free but still having pizza doesn't make a healthy lifestyle." She obviously didn't get the humor. I had to clarify I meant "once in a while", but she didn't seem to hear that part.
* C and I had a cheat day, and we were telling her about it. And telling her how awful we felt. To which she replied, "If you feel guilty for eating foods you like, that's not healthy". I clarified that we just didn't feel good physically. Her comment was confusing to me, as she completely shot me down when I jokingly mentioned pizza. Mixed messages.
* At one point I decided to have a cheat snack, a bag of kit kats that C and I split. I assume she must have seen them in my hand, because a few days later, she brings it up, “Oh I see you’re having some sugary snacks” and “how often do you do that” and “how many of those have you had?” To that last comment, when I paused to think about the serving size, she took that as, defeat? Because she laughed. She laughed. Then we all laughed. But man did that feel hurtful. Almost like she was targeting me, trying to "unveil" me in front of others.
* A few days later, back at the dinner table, C is eating his chicken. Normally he doesn't, because he isn't a meat person. I jokingly mention that maybe the KFC chicken we recently tried might have encouraged him. His mom picks up on this and says, "oh you'll eat KFC but you won't eat sugar?" Again. Jab. So I asked her if she really wanted to start another food debate, she was like "nah".
Never before had she been making these comments when our diets were so bad that we had to go to doctors just to figure out what was wrong with our GI systems.
The final straw was when my boyfriend got stopped by his mom on his way to our room and said the following:
“Have you been eating out a lot lately? I hear you’ve been eating out lately. Has it been KFC? You know that’s deep fried and full of chemicals, right? You’re looking like crap and this needs to stop.”
My boyfriend, being a bit of a pacifist says “Understood” and makes his way to his room.
As soon as he gets in, he tells me all about this as previous small things had been discussed related to this behavior.
I wanted to clear up some things with her so I sent the following text:
> Hey! C and I were just talking, and he mentioned that you thought he looked really tired and unwell, and maybe it has something to do with our diets. He didn't have the energy to bring it up, as he is tired. This week, due to daylight savings, the days being gloomy and short in general, and stress from school, both of us have been feeling eh. Oh and we haven't had the chance to meal prep our lunches, which isnt ideal to us believe me. C also had that trip with Joe, in which they spent about 12 hours hiking through cold, wind and rain. When he came home He was stiff and sore, and his clothes completely drenched. On top of that, we've had personal stress between the two of us. To say the least. We've had a hefty week. And we're constantly on the go- from school, to working out, making sure we're eating well. In short, our being tired has nothing to do with the fact we had kfc twice in the two years we've been together. There's also no evidence supporting the link between kfc and unwellness in general. Or milk. Or anything we choose to eat. Unfortunately to say, all foods are processed, and there is no evidence that "some types of food" have better effects than others. Moderation is key. As for why we don't often have dinner at home, to be honest, sometimes nobody is home, and dinner isnt there. Other times, it doesn't quite meet our needs, and other times, it's something C may not like (for instance chicken wings. We would both we went out and he had a proper meal than having a few bites of vegetables at dinner which is not enough for him). Although we appreciate it, it doesn't bother us to just grab something if we need to. Thank you for your concern (p.s. KFC chicken is reallly Good :)
She responded as follows:
>I asked C why he was skipping dinner as his father said it's been a few nights where he or you have said he's not hungry. I asked what he's been eating. I asked if he's taken a new liking to kfc/fast food.... As it's processed meat ...I was asking because I don't know what he's eating and he looks like shit so obviously it's going to concern me. I didn't mention milk. I didn't mention anything else of the sort. I've asked a number of times what I can cook to suit your needs and nobody tells me. I'm doing my best. A food debate is definitely not happening. Eat what you want. When my kid looks like shit, I'm asking why and it's my job to make sure he's healthy. I'm allowed to inquire. C needs to come out of his room and speak to me....
Following this, she lets my boyfriend know that she's too mad to talk, and that she's been deeply insulted. She later invites us to her room, and to summarize, I tried telling her that these past jabs have been hurtful to me--she dismissed my feelings, and made excuses for what her intentions were, a very large fight was had. My boyfriend and I get called disrespectful and more but that's another story for another time.
So, with what information you have. Please help me see the light. I'm worried that perhaps this is all my fault, that I am to blame because my text was utterly rude and aggressive. I'm so confused. Anything helps.
TL;DR:
BF and I get fit and healthy, his mom makes jabs at us when we indulge. Bf is told he looks like crap because of having KFC twice. Text is sent, fight is had.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TfU2RiXJXot4sMTr34RzBvy4Chqe7srE
|
b0w9la
|
{
"description": "not contacting someone who explicitly said I don't need to keep in touch",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not contacting someone who explicitly said I don't need to keep in touch?
|
The dude said he'll be fine by himself (in the isolative sense) but just a few days after this exchange I got several calls past midnight from him and now I'm not sure how I'm supposed to react. He always claims that I shouldn't bother being his friend, and I understand his self doubt when it comes to feeling worth one's time and energy. It's one thing if he feels he doesn't deserve my friendship but it's another if he outright rejects my effort the instant I willingly offer it to him. I'm not going to force my company on him. He shouldn't have been so quick to shoot me down and then frantically try to apologize at an inappropriate time, as if though it were just a drunk-dial to get it out of his system. I completely forgot he existed after he opted to be on his own so it's clear that the attachment is one-sided and he lost his chance to keep it going
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
tnoFEg60Bi3gqpU9Oih7kHMrz1gWOusu
|
b3pmdr
|
{
"description": "making my partner return his new computer",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making my partner return his new computer?
|
TLDR: My (30F) live-in partner (40M) of 6 years told me he was dreaming about a brand-new high-end gaming computer. He has no savings, and he already has plenty of entertainment options, so I wanted him to wait. But I also said I couldn't dictate what he should spend his money on - especially since I've been relying on him financially. TIL that he already bought it without telling me and got pretty upset. Seeing my reaction, he said he would return it. AITA if he does?
​
So, my partner has had a good, high-income job for the entire time we've been together. But he has also acted very irresponsibly with his finances - frivolous spending, unpaid bills, credit card debt and unpaid debt to his relatives, to the point where they had a severe conflict over it.
​
I was mostly kept in the dark about this and assumed everything was OK since he had a house and no bank loan. Once aware, I did my best to help him. At the same time, I've felt a lot of guilt about not been able to contribute my fair share - first due to being a student, recently due to unemployment. He's never made it into an issue though, and I'm very grateful for that.
​
Although there's been setbacks and lies about his level of financial control, we're doing a lot better now. He's paying his bills, no real debt etc. Spending has gone down, although we live very comfortably. I recently got a job so our situation will improve even more soon. However, it's not been more than 2-3 months since our last financial crisis, which had to be resolved by a loan. This happens because he does not save money, and because I've not had an income to share the burden.
​
So when he started talking about getting a brand new, high-end gaming laptop I was a bit weary. He bought a new gaming computer 3 years ago and hardly ever uses it. But we often play games on PS4, at times on our PCs too, and we have more games than time to play.
​
Thus I didn't see the need for a new one ATM - especially because we'll soon be able to save up for a buffer and plan purchases, save for holidays and make much-needed improvements on the house. But he went behind my back and bought it anyway. I was fairly shocked and upset when he told me, and I still am.
​
From his POV, he got such a good deal on this computer, half price on 4k, that he just had to get it. "Now or never", and it's been his dream to own a computer like this.
​
He's a very kind person, and I believe him when he says that he wouldn't mind if I spent a similar sum on myself. He's happy living paycheck to paycheck - until it's crisis mode again. I'm so tired of the stress. But given that we're moving into a better financial situation, the crises hopefully won't happen anymore. Plus, maybe I'm overreacting to him treating himself after working hard because of our background on this topic.
​
He did get a good deal, and I sort-of feel like the asshole for letting him return it. AITA, reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
8HWtffhYybVQPRVyMWjevh9bwsF8JBT0
|
agmwz1
|
{
"description": "not hating my family for being involved in organized crime",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA For not hating my family for being involved in organized crime.
|
Throwaway because i dont want hate.
Recently on this sub there was a post that is now locked about a poster who had a father in the mob who killed people. Like 99% of the comments buried the op and said that the dad was a pos who deserved to burn in hell. I couldnt comment because the thread was locked.
So my father is involved in organized crime, grandpa was/is ((retired)) involved in organized crime. So were my great uncles, and my uncle. I don't hate them, I don't think they're awful people. I love them.
The way I see it they're no different from being in the military. They dont harm anyone who isn't also in a "military". My uncle actually was in the marines and described it like that. They aren't psychos or rapists.
AITA For not agreeing with everyone that being in the mob doesnt automatically make you an awful person who deserves death?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
GAGlW6288VTaxN5AXB6FJRBPoA1HNCsX
|
a803ao
|
{
"description": "cursing in front of my father when he asked me not to",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for cursing in front of my father when he asked me not to?
|
A little context: My dad and I have been on some very thin ice for the last few years because of emotional abuse, gaslighting, lying, and substance abuse. This past year I did not speak to him for six months (we live across the country so this is easier to achieve) because I finally could not handle it anymore after I caught him lying once again to me. My parents finally divorced recently and he has been making real efforts to improve himself as a person (he claims he is substance free, lost a lot of weight, and he just got hired to a real job for the first time in years) so he is spending the earlier part of winter break with us and then my mom will be with us for Christmas. Also I’m 22, still in college currently, and curse like a crusty old sailor.
Story: I picked my dad up from the airport a few days ago for his week here with the kids. While in the car I’m talking with him and I start cursing like I usually do. He asks me to not curse in front of him because it’s disrespectful. Now, though he is my father this man has done nothing in the past eight years deserving of my respect, and he has used this tactic of ‘respect’ before in order to control me. I am my own adult at this point and frankly I can curse if I fucking want to. So, point blank I informed him “No.” He asked me a few more times but I did not give in and the conversation died then moved on. I believed that was the end of it as I continued how I usually do and he did not say anything again.
Last night we go out to a very fancy restaurant that my younger sister is employed at (I’m super proud of her) so that my dad could see where she worked for the first time and he could treat us to a nice meal. We were there for three hours and during that time I tell stories and make conversation and curse as I usually do. We had finished everything, wrapped up the food, paid the bill, and we’re getting ready to take a nice family photo that I really wanted to get when I decided to tell one last story. I say fuck while telling it and my dad interrupts me and tells me again to not curse in front of him. I ignore his rude interruption, especially because we had already had this conversation, said it again and finished my sentence. My dad immediately stands up from the table, tells me very publicly that he will never take me out again, and storms out. It was extremely mortifying for both me and my sister who’s workplace this was. I ended up getting just a sibling picture (which I’m glad I still did) and rode home in silence. I’m currently hiding in my room because if I see him I’m only going to say unproductive mean things and I don’t want to do that.
Just to add a note: my siblings don’t give one shit about my cursing, you could not hear any other tables so I assume not a single other table could hear or cared to hear our conversation, and we are currently in New England where curses come every other word.
So, please let me know if I’m just a raging asshole and need to get over myself. I feel a little crazy right now.
TLDR: My dad asked me not to curse in front of him. I told him no and a few days later at the end of dinner he storms out on me at the restaurant my sister works at because I said fuck.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
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