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F53XjIY06q4vKfx3ShusYCB2SDvAlcLw
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b6eg8c
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{
"description": "wanting death for wwii veteran",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting death for WWII veteran?
|
My grandfather served in WWII and will be 100 this year. For the last few years as a family we have been looking forward to celebrating his 100th birthday. Although he didn't single-handedly slay every Nazi he was still my childhood hero.
Unfortunately he has had a few health issues over the last few years so he is physically declining (which can be expected, of course) and at the same time his mental state is also suffering. Some days he is much better than others, but I'm not sure what his overall quality of life is.
Because she is the closest living relative, my mom has primary responsibility for checking on him and ensuring that he is receiving necessary care, everything is attended to, and that he has anything else he needs. Which is great!
But over the last year I have noticed that the burden of taking care of my grandfather is taking its toll on my mom. So AITA for thinking about my mom over my grandfather?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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HE4XcHSnpFUSooe3dnG6ontWWRnp0Ojj
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a1v943
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{
"description": "being upset my boyfriend chose to out this evening",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being upset my boyfriend chose to out this evening?
|
TLDR at the bottom.
So I feel the need to take this to reddit because I've been having quite the mental health crisis recently and seem to be incapable of thinking rationally at the moment and the other people in my life only seem to be telling me what I want to hear at the moment.
Boyfriend has done his best to support me through said mental health crisis however it has understandably had a toll on him too. We have argued numerous times throughout this but were always able to reconcile our differences in what I would consider to be a mature manner. I feel we both have the attitude that the relationship is worth more than the argument and are this able to forgive each other despite feelings hurt in the moment.
The mental health crisis started brewing as far back as June/July when I started at my current job. I am a junior NHS nurse in one of the busiest hospitals in London and work in an extremely busy unit. My manager for want of a better word is a cunt and bullied me from day one. Other members of staff have done the same but my manager was the biggest culprit and has had the biggest impact on me psychologically. I began to make mistakes and said mistakes lead to self doubt. This self doubt quickly became crippling anxiety which lead to a deep depression and I had to take a significant period of sick leave. I have been fighting the urge to kill myself or self harm most days since August. I have returned to work on an informal performance management basis. I have reported the behaviour to my Lead Nurse (Matron) but was gaslighted. I am due to have a mediation meeting with my manager to discuss my concerns next month.
My boyfriend has encouraged me to move on to another job as he can see how miserable I have become throughout all of this but my parents encouraged me to stay because I left my previous post after only seven months and cannot keep "running away" when I run into difficult people. I needed their advice but now I feel broken. On top of the depression I have chronic fatigue syndrome and the toll that the emotion has taken on me has left me near bedridden on my days off. My room is a mess and I don't have the energy or the will to clean it and then I'm embarrassed for him to come home to it. I've put on a significant amount of weight that I am now struggling to even maintain as I have started an antidepressant that makes me starving all the time and I have PCOS that has always made it difficult for me to maintain a healthy weight anyway. This weight gain has effected my self esteem massively and I feel even uglier and even less desirable than I already did.
I can understand why all of these things could be pushing him away. I know that I cannot ask him to accept me for all of my flaws and not accept his in return. However I am feeling like his behaviour could be more supportive than it has in the past two weeks or so.
We have been together since last summer and have been best friends from the day we met. I moved to London to be with him in November of last year. We had a break up lasting approximately three weeks in February but got back together in March. We haven't spent a single night apart since then except for when I have visited family. He has for all intents and purposes moved into my room in my house share (yes he contributes to the bills). We had been talking as far back as April/May about moving in together and even viewed some places together in the summer. They wound up not working out for various reasons and then plans were put on hold when my my mental health started to deteriorate. If I barely had the energy to get out of bed how could I go to viewings and get a replacement tenant for my current room? However the prospect of living with him in a space all of our own has been one of the only things that has kept me going these past few months. My aspirations for my career had been completely shattered, along with my faith in my ability to do my job. I had no idea what my future held professionally. I had no idea what it looked like. But I did know that I would be with him. He had previously said that after a year of living together he felt he would propose, and that we'd move out to a cummuter town and hopefully by the time he's 30 (2021) be trying for kids and I could be very part time or a SAHM for a while. That glimmer of hope felt like the only thing that was keeping me going.
Cut to the 21st Novemeber and he tells me he no longer wants to make plans to move in together any time soon because he doesn't think that we have reached the point where we are able to argue 'maturely' yet because I had said that I had wanted space a couple of times during the darkest points of my depressoin. I never once 'kicked him out' or any similar dramatic behaviour of that kind even though he does have a rent free room that he could go to. I understoodthat I couldn't change his mind about it and that fighting with him about it in an attempt to do so would only push him away. I did however say that I felt that in out own plave we would be able to have a bit more space together as we would have more than just a bedroom to ourselves (even if our budget will likely only permit us a small place). I also cried. I cried and cried and cried. I couldn't help it. It felt like my future had been stolen from me by the person whom I wanted to share it with. He appeared legitimately taken aback at my emotional response, stating that "[he] had no idea it meant so much to you". He reassured me that it wasn't a precursor to breaking up and that he actually think that it would be good for the relationship. I responded that if he wanted to leave I would prefer that he did it sooner rather than later as it was very difficult to still occupy the same small space as him, knowing that he would rather be elsewhere. He asked if I would permit him to stay until today until he started looking as he is paid on the final Friday of every month. Bearing in mind that he has a room that he could go to in a property owned by his mother this irritated me. He stated that he didn't want to move back into that property as it would be embarrassing and he would feel unwelcome after living with me for so long. Last night he told me off for the mess in the room (I've recently had a huge influx of parcels because of Christmas present ordering) and stated that this was one of the reasons he wants a place of his own. I feel like if I pursue the conversation further or appear to be kicking him out I may lose him forever.
So to the title... I had a big interview today that realistically I had pinned way too much hope on. I am so ridiculously desperate to get away from my current job and it showed. I find out on Monday but I already know what the answer will be.
Straight after I text him to update him. I'm not proud of the words I used because they probably read like I was just trying to prompt a reaction but I did mean them at the time. My exact words were, among others, "definitely didn't get it", "no chance", "I'm never going to be able to leave", "I'm a failure", "want to fucking kill myself". He responded with "of course you are" in response to me saying I'm never going to leave and then "no you're not" to my saying that I'm a failure. I then updated him that I had ordered an obscene amount of pizza when I got home, he said "without me ffs". Next time I hear from him is when he's getting off work at 17:13 "I'm going out for a bit", "keep your phone near you".
He is very popular at his workplace but does not usually take them up on their offers to go out on a Friday (or any other day really) as he prefers to come home and spend time with me. Obviously I want him to have a healthy social life beyond our relationship and I have actually frequently encouraged him to take them up on their invitations even where I am not invited too. I don't want him to stop getting them because of me. However I can't help but feeling like it is very bizarre that he would choose to leave me at home waiting on today of all days.
I have continued to accommodate him despite a revelation that completely broke my heart. He knows I am having self-destructive thoughts. My career prospects are shit and I've become even more aware of this in light of this failed interview today. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to prioritise me over his friends that he complains about when he does go out with them? Or is his response only natural for someone with a partner who's losing it? I don't even know what is reasonable behaviour anymore.
Also, I start CBT next week. I asked for help months ago but it takes a fucking long time to get seen on the NHS and I don't have the disposable income to go private.
TLDR:
Was desperate to do well at job interview today and fucked it. Texted boyfriend to update, went home, ordered pizza, cried.
I am currently in a very serious depressive episode and am having self harming and suicidal thoughts every day, which he is aware of. He has put up with a lot of my shit, until today it seems. He just texted to say that he's going out to drinks with his work friends when he usually comes straight home (and has done so for the whole time that he has had this job, which predates this depression)
I know that I cannot be my boyfriend's keeper however I am feeling abandoned at my time of need.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
89AOESwD6jrmuGUKabConFHhzIoKLRLN
|
b312x8
|
{
"description": "not wanting one of the captains on my team to be a captain again next year",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA: if I don't want one of the captains on my team to be a captain again next year?
|
I am a captain of the basketball club team at a university in the east coast. Our club team has 4 captain's, where 1 captain is the "main captain." This person does most of the work for the team, in practice and off practice. This person happens to be me. One of the other 3 captains still has one more year left, but i don't want him to be a captain again next year but he wants to. Here's why:
This semester, he only showed up to practice once or twice a month (we usually have 2-3 practices a week). He never inputs any ideas when I ask the captains things regarding the team. Never let's us know if he isn't showing up to practice (at this point we just accepted the fact hes not gonna show up to practice). He doesn't show up to social things outside of practice (not requires, but all the other captains show their face at least for a little bit). And i think most people on the team lost respect for him (him not showing up to practice kinda became a meme).
Our team doesn't have a coach or any other supervision. It's sort of relaxed, but still competitive. But because we don't have any supervision, I don't have anyone to turn to to say, "hey I don't think he should run for captain again becaude of...^^^".
I have no authority to tell him that he can't be a captain again next year since technically we both have the same title and he can do whatever he pleases. At the same time, because we are a relaxed team, i guess it doesn't really matter if he is going to be a captain again, since the main captain does most of the work anyways.
SITS?
Tldr: one of the captains on the team isnt doing his job, I want to tell him he can't be captain again next year.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
G02RY5ikbqlDnQIFcSZEQHjOjJX9B5hd
|
aunnh3
|
{
"description": "asking who is hotter on reddit",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For asking who is hotter on reddit?
|
This is gonna be short
So I was spending the night with a few of my mates and we start talking. One of them let’s call him joe says that Jennifer Lawrence is the hottest person he has ever seen. Now I get that she is very successful and made herself famous and I do respect her but I said she’s not as hot as Kate Upton. Then I was told to post on reddit to get a opinion from people. So I thought where better to put a poll than on teenagers. I did so then was hit with a “why don’t you treat them like people instead of objects”. To which I replied they are both very successful but I’m just asking who is hotter. AITA
TLDR i think its okay to ask who is hotter Kate Upton or Jennifer Lawrence but reddit people think I’m a misogynistic loser. Also sorry for poor quality I wrote this in a time crunch
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
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AUTHOR
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{
"RIGHT": 5,
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|
WRONG
|
A2gWa2OLAPTajkGUwB6VBTjkrW8bLsac
|
b3ac70
|
{
"description": "accusing my brother of stealing",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for accusing my brother of stealing?
|
This happened maybe twenty minutes ago, i have a tip jar dedicated to all the tips i have saved up over the past year and had a decent amount of it rolled. I checked my jar to find a sizeable chunk taken out of it and almost all of my rolled quarters done. My first thought was that my brother did it.
Now, there are only three other people in the house, my brother, our mother, and her boyfriend.
Mom always asks me if she ever needs money and her boyfriend has a job and makes his own money so he never needs my help.
My brother is in his twenties and doesn't have a job but has the only working car in the house. He pays no bills and barely scrapes by.
This isn't the first time my money has gone missing. Every time it does I've gone to our mom and she's basically told me that she couldn't do anything to help. There has roughly been over 300 dollars stolen from me and i finally snapped.
I went to my brother and told him to stay out of my room and to stay away from my money. He got mad and started saying how much of a terrible person i was for saying that he'd even think of stealing from me. A lot of harsh words were said and he stormed out of the house. My mom said i was out of line.
I'm 19 if this helps at all
Do you guys think I'm the asshole here? I feel like I need an outsiders view
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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xxWKxEsa0bFhb6jUPk1kjkQizDW3sHrQ
|
9v0v1g
|
{
"description": "calling myself a Christian",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA if I call myself a Christian?
|
So a little background on me, I was raised in the Evangelical church and went to Bible college and I’m pretty darn educated when it comes to theology. But I lost faith after studying it deeply enough. I stopped believing in God quite a long time ago. I don’t believe in the religious/metaphysical aspects of Christianity or the concept of sin (well, that it’s meaningful). But I never fully divorced from the moral teachings of Jesus Christ. I live my life in following of the red letter portions of the Bible to the best of my ability and I hold Jesus up as a great moral teacher.
Lately I’ve been catching a lot of people who claim to be Christians talking about things that are not in the Bible. Okay mostly abortion. But there’s this trend of associating conservative politics with Christianity when the two in real life have no connection - and quite often a so-claimed Christian will say that you have to vote Republican because of abortion, but having read the Bible cover to cover, I can say with absolute confidence that abortion isn’t in there. It is clear to me, therefore, that people who say stuff like that are either ignorant or intentionally lying. To me it’s pretty clear that they aren’t real Christians if they’re going to make up their own laws and claim them as God’s - that’s putting yourself above the Bible and above God, which is blasphemy. Not that I intrinsically care about blasphemy or sacrilege. I don’t actually believe that these people are going to hell for their blasphemy, because I don’t believe there is a hell, although if there were in certain it would be mostly populated with people who called themselves Christian.
Anyway, in a discussion/argument with one of these characters recently, I used the phrase “follower of Christ” to describe myself and to contrast myself with my opponent who clearly was not a follower of Christ but called himself a Christian. He replied by saying something irrelevant that included saying I call myself a Christian. Now I didn’t actually call myself a Christian, I haven’t applied that label to myself in ten years. I’ve always felt that I shouldn’t, that it would be in some way sacrilegious or disrespectful. But now that I’m seeing all these assholes acting like assholes while calling themselves Christians, I’m starting to think maybe I should just take on the label to remove one avenue they use for ad hominem/attribution fallacy attack (“you aren’t a Christian so what authority are you to talk about Christian beliefs?”).
There are other practical reasons I’m starting to think maybe I should just go ahead and declare myself a Christian, and possibly even go as far as publicly lie about my metaphysical beliefs. I’m considering going into politics in the future, and while we’ve gotten as far as to elect a few openly gay people let night, we still don’t elect open atheists. So it would be politically expedient for me to claim to be a Christian. I’m going to have to join a church too, since you can’t run for office in America without being a member of a church. Claiming to be a Christian makes me feel kind of sleazy, kind of like an asshole for the potentially misleading claim. But really, I’m much more a Christian in the literal sense (I like Jesus and follow his teachings) than most people who claim the label, and most of them are assholes.
WIBTA, other than by association, if I started calling myself a Christian despite actually being an atheist?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
6tNok6CxjqYOIzbH0azqIcyIiNPV3mp3
|
b8724c
|
{
"description": "watching Harry Potter",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for watching Harry Potter?
|
Me [M19] and my girlfriend [F19] have this thing we do where we pick out different move series that we watch in case we have nothing planned for the days that we hang out. Harry Potter is our 3rd movie series that we decided to watch because I had never seen the Harry Potter movies and she had seen them multiple times because it’s one of her favorites. Before that I chose the Lord of the Rings series because she hadn’t seen that one and it’s one of my favorites . Sometimes we have to cut our movie time short because one of us had to go back to our house or it was time for bed (if one of us are sleeping over) well the other day we had to cut “The order of the Phoenix” short, about 45 minutes before it ended because she had to go back to her house and we wouldn’t see each other for a couple days later. Well the day after our movie time I was bored because it was my day off (were college students and I work a part time job) and I almost never have a lot of spare time. I decided to watch the last 45 minutes of the movie and I have to say it was pretty good. When I told her I finished the movie she seemed pretty upset, we didn’t fight or anything and there was no yelling or tears involved but she still looked pretty upset. And she had done the same thing before when we watched the Lord of the Rings series on the Two Towers movie so I didn’t think it was a big deal and didn’t care that she did it. I told her this but I still feel bad about the whole thing. Am I the ass?
TL:DR: me and my gf watch different movie series with each other and I finished a movie without her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
rXYSYjpdgP9PXHircli37HBMyG0SXKy7
|
auy8ya
|
{
"description": "asking the dealer for the part I paid for back",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking the dealer for the part i paid for back?
|
i purchased a very unique car. the car wasn't perfect, it had a mechanical problem, which was fine. I was willing to have it fixed if it was. the dealer told me there was nothing wrong with the car, and that's just how high-end sports cars drive. when i said ill buy the car if the dealer would look into the the issue.
to make the sale, the dealer said they would lower the price of the car, or sell it at price with the new part i suspected had failed. i agreed to their new part offer, and just as quickly as i had the money transferred they found the "issue" i suspected.
this was a red-flag to me as i felt like they were trying to hide a known issue, but i was willing to ignore it cuz i want my dream car
they were going to replace the failed part with an OEM one but i asked for an aftermarket part as the OEM is known to fail. so they had me pay for the purchase price of the after market part, and they would cover the labor cost as part of our purchase deal.
after the aftermarket part was put in, it still had the same problems so the OEM part was put in at no cost to me, and the car works just fine now. but when i asked for the failed aftermarket part in hand the dealer told me it was my fault the job was done twice and they wont give me the part.
AITA if i force the situation to try and get my "defective" part i paid for? the dealer did change a few components to get the car to work at no cost to me, but ultimately they found fault in the aftermarket part.
i feel that since i paid for the part, even if its broken, i should at least still get it back.
TL;DR ask the dealer to fix a problem with my car, they agree. I told them I wanted something third party, and they said ill have to pay for it. So they tried the third party, it didn't work. so they went with the original agreement of just fixing it. this does work. when i ask for the third party part in hand, they say no.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
wDoLu2kfj9XTQMEl0hffmOf1N5rfx9MM
|
ad1ieo
|
{
"description": "being upset at my friend who does not take her medication",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset at my friend who does not take her medication?
|
Backstory; I've known this girl for a few years now. We dated for a year, broke up, but are still good friends. She has struggled with Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, and anxiety for as long as I've known her. She has been hospitalized previously, and has struggled with self-harm.
So for as long as I've known her, she's had issues around taking her medication properly. Every few months or so, she'll alter her dosages because she thinks she "doesn't need it anymore", or will skip it because she "forgets", or was "being lazy". Every time she does this, her mental health rapidly declines, she gets back on track, and says she'll be more diligent in taking it. She does not frequently go to her doctor to discuss how the medication is going or alternatives, nor does she go to therapy frequently (both due to cost, and skipping appointments).
The other day, she was complaining about feeling sick, tired, and just generally being in a poor mood. I inquired if she was still taking her medication, to which she said she had quit cold turkey a few days ago, because she was "feeling lazy". I told her to take the medication, and she tried to alter the dose, saying that she didn't feel like taking the proper amount.
At this point, I told her that I was upset at her and feeling frustrated, because this happens so frequently. I suggested that she get her family to look after her medication for her, or that she come up with some other way to be consistent with taking it. I told her that I was there to support her, and that I was sympathetic to her mental illness, but that I can't hold her hand and check every single day that she's taking her medication properly.
She responded by saying that I was not being a nice friend, that I was making her feel guilty, and that I was not being supportive and too judgemental. She said that I was making her feel like she's a burden.
At this point, I don't know what to do. Over the past few years I've been strict with her, more relaxed, pleaded for her to get help, listened to her vent, offered to take her to counselling, talked to her family, and brainstormed ways for her to keep her mental health up. AITA for getting mad at her for not taking her medication? How do I support her while she self-sabotages, without letting myself get burned out?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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j3rEhjewNDx9RinqaMUpF9izfamDOLTa
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aeb7pd
|
{
"description": "feeling embarrassed when walking next to my mother outside while she's dressed as a hobo",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For feeling embarrassed when walking next to my mother outside while she's dressed as a hobo?
|
My mother has been suffering from depression and has really let herself go in many ways both emotionally and physical so she doesn't really care what she looks like anymore. Am I the asshole for feeling such way?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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dRnZ5n1duwR1FK79uPnSYmkwdUBJssQp
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al2as1
|
{
"description": "not wanting to learn to deal with my roommates cats",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For not wanting to learn to deal with my roommates cats?
|
Since moving in with this girl we've had issues with both of her animals.
The first after four months of fighting us she dealt with kind of. Her male cat gets in the trash, on our shelf in the pantry, and was aggressive to my chihuahua to who is half the size of her fat lard cat. She numerous times implied the issue was my dog wasn't smart enough to stay out of the cats way. Which she has since apologized for and stopped doing because I snapped and yelled her that her fucking cat tracks my dog down to start shit. Anyways. We fought tooth and nail to get it dealt with. If I wasn't reminding her to keep trying things to help it wouldn't get done and she would try to blame me because I'm the one that wants it done. Finally my BF told her to lock it up unless she's watching it so now it lives in our other roommates room because she can't keep her own pets in her own living space. So now anytime we get in an argument she throws it in our face how her poor cat is locked up all the time because of us.
And now the issue is her other 14 year old cat. This one is female and anorexic as all get out. She started it on a medicine to help with it thyroid to stop the constant puking. But now it still pulls every other day and has rancid diarrhea daily. And it constantly yells for more food most days. Me and my boyfriend would like to relax but its hard sometimes when it won't stop yelling.
The other night I spent half an hour trying to stop it before I put it in her room. Which a month ago she told us to do if the cat was too problematic. Well she comes home and I nicely try to tell her and she goes off yelling at us that we need to learn to live with it she is just vocal and she doesn't want her in her room cause she'll puke. Turned into a two hour fight.
Another issue we have she throws in our face every argument is she put her litter box in her bathroom like we wanted. Which we did because she only cleaned it everyother day at most and didn't sweep the litter her cat throws everywhere.
And I know I'm not the best person. I have lost my temper and legit been a dick at times over things. Like when her cat shit on my bed. I was not nice or adult at all.
So anyways. Am I The Asshole for wanting her one cat locked up and wanting the other to not be left to yell half the day? I get animals can be vocal and cats are opportune hunters and her cats scarred from a dog getting it before. But am I the Asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
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|
b838ql
|
{
"description": "wearing a sports bra out of the fitting room",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wearing a sports bra out of the fitting room?
|
Yesterday my mom took me shopping. I tried on some dresses and left some shirts in her cart. When I decided which dresses I wanted I put on some sweats and a sports bra to go get the shirts to try on. My mom got upset and told me I shouldn’t expose my sports bra in case men or children were watching. My reasoning was that a sports bra is more concealing than a regular bra or even a bikini top, people work out in a sports bra and sweats all the time, and I wasn’t actually exposing my boobs. Who is in the right here, Reddit? Is it appropriate to walk out of the fitting room in a sports bra and sweats?
In case it matters my boobs are not overly large either.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
PgZr7JHXZWGGOoK95aDOAgwCjuTxTWUo
|
ap7idm
|
{
"description": "not reaching out to my grandparents",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not reaching out to my grandparents?
|
Some context here - I’ve generally had a good relationship with my grandparents throughout my life. I love on the other side of the country, work a lot, but still would make time to call them semi-regularly. Typically once a month or every other month.
With that said, conversations started getting a little tense. Questioning what I was doing w/ my life... telling me I need to go back to school to get a degree.. etc. It’d be one thing if I was sitting on the couch everyday playing games, but I’m at a pretty good place in my life professionally. All of this to say I stopped calling as often.
And then I proposed to the love of my life, who they’ve met a handful of times. We decided we were getting married in Bali. I called them when we made this decision, so that they had plenty of time to make travel plans. They were pretty irritated I wasn’t having it at their farm..... in a small city in the south... But they said they’d come, so awesome.
Fast forward a week or two, and my mom (their daughter) lets me know they won’t be coming. Not a big deal, I understand. The reason is that it’s “too expensive” which is a bit odd because they’re fairly well off. My mom has said they’d call me to let me know. Which never happened. But I did find out they bought a brand new car a few weeks after this.
So to sum this all up, they never called me to tell me. They never called me on my wedding day to congratulate me. They didn’t call on my birthday (which they always have) and didn’t call me for Christmas (which again, they always have).
Am I the ass hole for not wanting to call them? I feel like they’re treating this as if I didn’t invite them to my wedding & insulted them.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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aycz0p
|
{
"description": "asking my friends to get me a birthday gift",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my friends to get me a birthday gift?
|
CONTEXT:
I'm still part of a pretty large group of friends from high school that organise gifts for everyone on their birthdays. Usually a separate group chat is made and we all end up chipping in around $10-20 each. I'm always included in those and have chipped in for every person for the past few years. This year I didn't get a gift for my birthday last month and I don't think there is a plan for one.
Since it is a big group, I'm not super close with everyone. Trying to look from their point of view, I don't make my birthday public on Facebook/other social media so they probably didn't realise - but I still received birthday wishes from my close friends that did remember.
In the past I've contributed to every single gift as well as purchased another separate personal gift for a closer friend.
WIBTA if I asked if I was getting a gift? Or asked for one if they didn't plan on it?
I didn't want to ask since it sounds incredibly petty and entitled but this year it felt as if I was overlooked and ignored. I don't mind chipping in for my friends, but it doesn't feel good anymore thinking that I might not get the same treatment in return.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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|
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amb131
| null |
AITA my "friend" hates me for ruining his dream
|
So some before knowledge you need to know, this person is MANIPULATIVE. People pity him so much they HAVE to be friends with them.
So this part of the story happened like a month ago ill call my 'friend' chad.
So we are really good fake 'friends' right. And so what happens is that chad asks "hey starpastels what do you think of my singing?" He sung a note and i replied honestly "i think singing is an overrated talent, i think it be cool to see something more unique." he nods and everything goes back to normal. Until next period. Chad refuses to sit with me and my friends because "i ruined his dream!!!" And then he calls me a bitch and a whore and all this stuff and my only responce is "if you want to be a singer when you get older your going to have a ton more REAL criticism than that." He continues to swear and cuss and do anything to defend himself. Everyone sees him making a scene then he asks to go to a counselor he doesnt and we end up just talking to a teacher he resolves it and then we calm down and i pretend that i want to be his friend (im very good at pretending...)
So now what happens is that just a few days ago he legitimately said that he doesnt want to be my friend for NO reason, and im really happy. Is it bad to be happy that i dont have to deal with him anymore. Or should i have lied about his dream?
(Sorry about bad grammer)
~starpastels
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
b55cx1
|
{
"description": "talking about race with the lady at a pretzel stand",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for talking about race with the lady at a pretzel stand
|
Okay so I am a young female and I am at the local mall purchasing a soft pretzel yesterday. I am making polite conversation with the young girl at the cash register. We each ask each other how our days are going. I notice that her name tag says “GG”. I ask her if GG is short for something. She’s says yes it’s ____ it’s a combination of Hispanic and Arabic names. I compliment her name tell her it’s beautiful. I then jokingly say, “that’s so much cooler than my name, I’m just white.” She laughs, I laugh, we walk away. My friend that I’m with says that I crossed the line and what I said was rude. So...AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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|
an6y8e
|
{
"description": "yelling at the lady holding up a car line",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for yelling at the lady holding up a car line?
|
At my school there is a car line (like most). Today there was a lady waiting in the middle of the line for her kid to walk out of the school, completely holding me and multiple other people up for around 7 minutes as we weren’t able to pass her. When I passed her I yelled “No Parking” as there was literally a sign right in front of her that said no parking. I am also a Student at the school, I don’t know if that effects anything. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
J67pwLsqZSOX0MdxFx92TMIf7tPa4WKz
|
ah3xu6
|
{
"description": "ghosting a friend of 3 years for being obsessive over my relationship with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting a friend of 3 years for being obsessive over my relationship with my boyfriend?
|
we met in high school when I was a freshman and she was a senior. we were both in theater and we kinda just clicked, she saw herself in me and was very supportive and a kind gal. we didn’t really hang out outside of school other than a small party she had last year (or maybe the year before, not sure).
about 6 months later, i started dating my boyfriend, and we’ve been together for about 2.5 years now. He’s about 2 years older than me, so i went to his prom my freshman year, and she offered to take pictures for free because she was a friend of mine and took a liking to him. that was fine.
nothing really went sour, or at least i didn’t notice how uncomfortable i was until i finally hung out with her again over the fall. before then, we kept tabs on each other and had conversations about 1-3 times a week.
she always commented on how attractive he is, how cute we are, and how she’s our number 1 supporter etc. it was a bit much, but it really didn’t bother me too much.
when he came back from boot camp, she kept telling me how extremely attractive he is, especially now. he has such pretty eyes etc. and insisted that we visit her. we did visit her for a short amount of time before we had to go visit other friends, and she wanted to take pictures of us, the three of us together, and then just him and her. i was a bit more uncomfortable.
after he left for the second time is when it got really weird, and this is the specific comment that really stuck with me. he used to have a good amount of facial hair before he enlisted, but obviously had to shave (this is relevant). she was going on again of how lucky of a girl i am when i hung out with her for a night in the fall while she was home from college for thanksgiving. there were other people there, also listening. she told me that, when he comes back, i’ll “hop on that real quick.” yea, because he’s my boyfriend. i didn’t appreciate the unsolicited super personal comment, but i was gonna let it slide. then she said “and if he grows out his facial hair again, you’ll hop on that even quicker.”
i had never mentioned that i preferred him with facial hair, he looks great either way. that’s what made that comment *especially* weird to me. she was genuinely taking her own desires for him and projecting them onto me. directly to my face.
i really couldn’t deal with it anymore. it was too much and i know how boy crazy and flirtatious she can be, and i wanted the comments to stop and i didn’t want it to get to the point where the thought it was ok to say things like that to him. over the next week, i left her on read until she stopped texting me entirely. she’ll text me on rare occasions, like tonight. she sent me one of the prom pictures she took *over two years ago.* she sent it along with a text that read “i found some treasures” i gave her a dry response of “:)” and left it there.
i’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. we weren’t best friends but we were still pretty close friends for 3 years and i just kinda cut it off without saying anything. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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afy72i
|
{
"description": "being upset at my brother for buying a laptop while owing others money",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for being upset at my brother for buying a laptop while owing others money?
|
Some context so this makes more sense.
My eldest brother is almost 30. He graduated from a rather good university a few years back but it's been difficult to find a well-paying starting job even for his level of education. As such, he's been settling for temporary jobs such as administration work, etc. However, recently he found a job, that although has a below-average pay, offers him a wider variety of better job opportunities in the near future.
It's important to note that he has NO student loan debt because our parents borrowed money from our aunt, so that he does not need to pay interest fees, and instead can pay the original debt amount to my aunt directly. Our aunt is generally well-off, but only because of the compensation she got when her daughter (our cousin) passed away. She still lives a rather good life even after lending our family the $30k+, but that has barely anything to do with this. My brother has barely paid any money back in the past 3 years. Even if he did, I assume it's less than $5k from the way my mother nags.
Now, my brother is someone whom you might describe as having a high IQ but low EQ. He's a good and kind person but sometimes his lack of common sense and initiative pisses the heck out of me, and he doesn't seem to understand why. He's not really sociable in real life settings, but he has made some good friends online from games, and I can see that it's something that have really added on to his happiness, although I've never actually made any comments about it.
Now, last night after his work, he was carrying a bigass carrier, and the conversation went like this:
*B = Brother, M = Me*
M: What's that?
B: A laptop?
M: You bought it?
B: Yeah it's below $1000
M: Uhhh. Your new job needs you to have a laptop? (I knew it doesn't, and also, he already had a functioning laptop that's pretty okay)
B: It's to play games
M: You do remember you owe (aunt's name) money?
B: Yah I'll get to that next time (visibly annoyed now)
M: And your leisure is more important than repaying a debt of $30k? When are you going to pay even a little back?
B: June.
M: How much?
B: A few thousands?? Why? Is that any of your business? Why are you interfering in this?
M; (hecking pissed now) To remind you of your responsibilities because you seem to greatly lack in that aspect and also you seem to put your leisure above the need of paying someone back ASAP? You're not someone that can be counted on apparently.
B: Well then don't count on me. (I could hear that he's hurt at this time but hiding it, but I was too pissed to care)
M: You better bet on that, and I can't remember having count on you for a few years now.
The thing is, after I calmed down, I could understand that buying a laptop for gaming could serve as helping his mental health, knowing that he was treated rather badly at his previous job, but I still got upset and said those things. In this case, it would have been me saying those things while he was just prioritising his mental health over the payment of the debt, but he had also previously bought an expensive decorative monument not long after he started working his first official job, without even paying my aunt ANY money at all at that time (this I am sure of, as my mother came crying to me after being stressed that her daughter would never pay back the money).
So, AITA?
Tldr: Brother who might be unhappy, bought new laptop to (presumably) make himself happier, while still owing an aunt a debt of $30k+, having paid little to none to her yet in a span of 3 years.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
a37a7w
|
{
"description": "sleeping with my best-friends other best-friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for sleeping with my best-friends other best-friend?
|
Ok so for a bit of context, I’m on schoolies with my best-friend, she is 18F and I am 17M. Here in Australia, we have a yearly celebration called “schoolies” where everyone who finishes highschool goes a town or city to celebrate their 13 years of schooling. This week of fun is usually fuelled by a lot of sex, drinks and drugs, which is why police dread this time of year.
Fast forward to my situation, my best-friend (who we shall name “N”), turned 18 yesterday while we were on schoolies and so for the past 6 months we planned for the best booze-filled day we could image. And just that happened. Originally on the trip, it was only me and N that had a room booked, but we both had friends visit throughout the stay, with most being their for N’s birthday.
As the night of partying had went on, things got rowdy, music got loud and people started to passout. What did happen though was that at this small gathering for the birthday, I managed “get lucky” with and “do shit” with a person we’ll call “J”.
Now J is N’s best friend also but we don’t know each other very well, only that we have a good mutual friend. Fast forward to this afternoon and word had got out that me and J had slept together for the night and N got very angry at me for doing such a thing (everyone else had left at this point so it was only us two again to have the house). N argued at me that although I am younger than J, she knows that I’m a mature guy and that I should have known better than to have gotten with her best friend of 10+ years.
Now she won’t talk to me or even look at me but I’m now not sure what to do.
Note: This was originally in r/AITA and got deleted and reposted here because I noticed it was the wrong sub reddit
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
|
PGhopZQCm0K6PZta8OTVY5oRnPvqVl7Q
|
b918ud
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to not talk over other people",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friend to not talk over other people?
|
So the situation is me and two friends, Sebastian and Jessica. They’re watching a movie and while I join in I ask a question about the movie. Any of them could have answered, but Jessica answers first. Sebastian quickly loudly speaks over Jessica just seconds after she start talking. This makes me bust out “Hold on, I think Jessica was talking first.” Seems harmless first, but then I couldn’t help my self to keep going because I’ve been in this situation before with Sebastian. So I continue with “you’re always doing this”. He became pretty upset about it. He did t say it, but I really felt it. I think I overdid it, but still I think I’m correct. Though I feel guilt because I kinda hurt him.
The thing is I’m closer to Sebastian and he’s been there for me when I’ve been down. So it felt pretty shitty of me to attack him.
Should I apologize for being an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
vo6AYzxbNWeqL8HMddbw1vibvbTMSTfq
|
a6ddtv
|
{
"description": "not being friends with him anymore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not being friends with him anymore?
|
Okay so at the beginning of the year my best friend let me borrow some cash about 120 bucks with promis to pay him back which I had full intention to. Then I lost my job and my mom need to borrow 600 dollars the last of my money that I had. He understood that and we made a deal that I would pay him back when I had gotten a job back and was safe to do so,l.
Fast forward to now I've had a real job for about a month and have been using my 2 checks to catch up with rent, and my mom and gf give me early Christmas presents cause that's just what we do. I post the present to facebook and my best friend and two of my other friend just start flooding the comments with stuff like "oh so you can buy these but cant pay me back, oh what about these two games you just got (also presents) I inform them that they are presents but he and the other friends keep going and calling me shitty and a bad friend.
So I txt him and say how about you just message me about the money instead of putting it on the internet, cause I did have full intention on paying him back soon but he says "if I have owed you money for 9 months you would have freaked out" which isnt true, he has owed me close to 400 dollars from our 7 years of knowing each other, so I say fine I'll pay you back but after that I think we should be done talking since you think our whole friendship revolves around money, so Am I The Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
ao2dik
|
{
"description": "thinking wanting my so to save more money",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for thinking wanting my SO to save more money?
|
(This is a throwaway account etc.)
This is about saving a bit more money to comfortably cover solicitor fees, moving fees, new stuff for the house, etc.
Some background: My SO and I have been together for a few years and we're in the process of buying a house. We're both around 30 years old. My SO is contributing more money to the mortgage deposit - they previously owned a reasonably lucrative business and were able to save around £15k from that, it's been sitting in an account since the business folded a few years ago. This money was all earnt/saved some time before we became a couple/before I even knew my SO. Meanwhile, my contribution is quite a bit lower than theirs - think 10% to their 90%. I've not had quite the same "luck" with work, I'm currently on my first good-paying job and have only been able to start saving since last summer, at around £100 a month with whatever else is left from my paycheque at the end of the month. I've got that £1k and not much else in savings at the moment.
Also to note, my SO earns more than me - not much, around an extra few hundred a month after taxes.
The issue: Now, we're all set for the mortgage stuff, we've had an offer accepted on a house, we just want to be extra comfortable for the solicitor fees (maybe they need to do extra checks about the area around the house, or something goes wrong with the sale, there's delays etc). I told my SO I'll still be saving what I can every month, but they say they won't be doing the same. Because they've contributed enough with their 90%. I asked if this meant they'd be spending all of their salary each month, the answer being "Well, I won't be silly about it..."
I think we should both be saving each month still. I want that extra security, and I feel anxious that my contribution won't be enough by itsself. And I feel kind of bitter that I'd be scrimping whereas my SO doesn't plan to do that at all.
So, AITA? Should I just suck it up as I only contributed 10% to the deposit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
Zp1wXow3THkS5tzwPzDkgNdrozyRXSYx
|
alztyb
|
{
"description": "not showing my gf enough attention or attention",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not showing my gf enough attention or attention?
|
My girlfriend is a home maker, I work and go to school full-time, so I am always studying, working or sleeping. On occasion I take my girlfriend on dates (every month or so), I also make sure she has everything at home, such as, food, water, and personal items. I am not a very affectionate person but I try to show I care by taking care of her needs and buying her things she’s been wanting like shoes, a cell phone and other small items.
Very often she asks me to do something for her when it’s time for me to go bed or while I am already asleep. Today she asked me to heat up a soup I bought her and bring it to her. She asked me because she said she has an upset stomach. But when I am sick she does not help which I don’t mind I very independent minded and will typically take care of myself.
It’s currently almost midnight and I have to be up in a few hours for work. I told her no because I have to be up soon and need to sleep. I also have trouble sleeping, so getting up would definitely knock-off any of my tiredness and make it harder for me to sleep. She then begins to cry and have a fit, stating I do not care about her and never take care of her. When I do something that displeases her she deprives me of some basic need, today it was the blanket and pillow. This is an ongoing issue and I am not sure if I’m the asshole here.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
A1WbVpzcIMRue0dA3czhz2BhzijLxx6D
|
aehnqv
|
{
"description": "not giving a shit about my coworkers feelings",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not giving a shit about my coworkers feelings?
|
AITA for being "snappy/disrespectful" to a racist coworker?
TL;DR at the bottom and sorry for it being so long
Also sorry if the format is weird or there are grammar errors I am on mobile and English was never my best subject.
I should probably mention were both shift managers and I was the manager on shift tonight.
So today at work I got into a little situation with a coworker. I should probably mention I used to have no issue with her until I learned she mentioned to a couple other coworkers her whole family including herself are racist against mexicans and muslims (once one of the coworkers mentioned shes Mexican she immediately started saying it was a joke)
To be honest I'm neither Mexican or Muslim but I have a VERY bad opinion about racists. Anyway the day started out with me showing a different coworker my new tattoo and telling her how excited I was about it. The day went on about normal and ms. racist seemed pretty busy which to me is all the more reason not to talk to her (also if I have nothing nice to say I keep my mouth shut especially at work)
She mentions something to me about getting last names for anyone wanting to schedule a party which to me is kinda *duh* so I just stared and continued eating my doritos. A little while later I leave the front desk for a brief moment and come back and my other coworker mentions to me ms racist said "what is vanna0banana's problem why is she ignoring me? She shouldn't be shift lead if she ignores me why is she being such a bitch what's her issue" I kinda just laugh it off and say I dont really care whatever right?
Cut to my break (we have 15 minute paid breaks and longer shifts you get a 30 minute unpaid lunch) I ask my coworkers if they're good if I go outside since it's pretty slow. They say no problem and I get my jacket and start to walk outside and say BRB and ms racist snaps "um did you clock out" to which I reply "nope 15 minute breaks are paid" and we stare at eachother for a solid 5 seconds while she's giving me the stink eye.
I come back and my coworker said her response after I left was "did you just see that? I can't believe the attitude I'm tired of being disrespected around here I'm gonna call assistant manager and tell him how disrespectful she's being" and she leaves so my coworker immediately text my manager and says "idk what ms racist is gonna say exactly about vanna0banana but I just watched the whole thing and I dont think she's being disrespectful at all in fact ms racist has kinda been rude to her all day"
When ms racist comes back she says to me that we need to talk so I go into the office and say what's up and she starts screaming at me about how I'm being disrespectful and she doesn't deserve my attitude and I'm too snappy and need to be professional in the work place and what's my problem, to which I respond "I didnt snap, if I had I would have been a lot louder, more rude and had a lot more to say." She kept pushing me to answer what my issue is with her and after deflecting multiple times I finally said "tbh after what I heard about you being racist I just have a completely different opinion of you" she says "it was a joke I have opinions too you know" I say "joke or not doesnt make it any less horrible" she says "I already talked to general manager and we're passed this plus I talked to Mexican coworker and she wasn't offended so what's your problem" (Mexican coworker told me she was offended and wasn't sure if she should tell the GM and I was the one who urged her to do so because joking or not what she said was not ok) I say "I have no problem I just dont like racists" she said "It was a joke!" I say "ok?" And she continues to yell at me and of course gets all teary eyed and I force myself to maintain my cool because we are in the managers office and being recorded and I dont need to look like I have an attitude when in reality I didn't, I just dont like her.
Anyway it ended with her asking if we're good to which I respond with "as far as I can tell, are we done?" She was almost in tears and fuming at this point and says "I guess we are" and I go back to what I was originally doing and she storms off while on the phone. I tell my two coworkers "now if either assistant or general manager asks you what happened just tell them what you saw and one responded with "I saw she's a fucking bitch" and I was like ok maybe don't say that
Anyway I'm trying to wrap my head around what happened and I am kinda nervous to talk to my GM because I dont like confrontation and hes really nice as far as I've seen and I don't really want him to be disappointed in me so I just need to know AITA for being "snappy" or "unprofessional"
TL;DR racist coworker said I was disrespectful and snappy and cry/yelled at me in the managers office and I didn't really care cause I dont like her anyway.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
SIW0FckdGMLO1aQ2TVFTs8xh9VzRV3it
|
b3usz8
|
{
"description": "laughing at people featured in vids posted on publicfreekout",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for laughing at people featured in vids posted on publicfreekout?
|
I just watched one of a guy trying to get run over while repeatedly saying that he is in the midst of a mental breakdown, and laughed my ass off at the video. Then I realized that the individual in that video was likely having a really shit day and the video likely captured one of his lowest/saddest moments. Now I feel like an asshole for finding joy in someone else’s pain.
AITA for watching and laughing at these vids?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
oeOMSlVyE2B3yHlDLX7PLwiIeIxlBEFv
|
9vsgdx
|
{
"description": "drinking at a friend get together and not being able to make it back",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for drinking at a friend get together and not being able to make it back?
|
I went to hang out with a few friends across town. My buddy drove us and we planned on taking an Uber back as we were both going to be drinking. It comes to 1 am and we can’t find an Uber or a Lyft. My girlfriend is mad about this fact. I don’t know what I was supposed to do. I’ve never had a single problem finding a Lyft or Uber before and this is an unexpected turn of events.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
yL4q1QWGQK0dCLpK584Ae8Rot9EgLI06
|
axe8nz
|
{
"description": "warning my mentally disable friend about cops",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For warning my mentally disable friend about cops
|
My friend has a trouble speaking and understanding things, he also has a habit to run away from home just cause. We were walking into the store and he saw a cop. He wanted to go talk to him but I didn't the that one so I didn't know the temperament of the cop so I told him it's not the best idea. In the store I quietly told him about the dangers of miscommunication with cops ( 50% of the people they murder are disabled) and this Karen type later told me off for being hateful.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
7ZZFk3hx9IO2ymj9jy6oWDU0bxXbDeWL
|
9zoug6
|
{
"description": "going against my best friend for not telling me about my then girlfriend's plans",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for going against my Best friend for not telling me about my then girlfriend's plans?
|
Please read the full text before judging. There is a lot more that a simple title can't say.
It's my first time doing a AITA but I'll try to answer all the questions you might have. And I will take your comments seriously if IATA.
​
So this all started early summer of 2017, so a year and a half ago. I was then at the 2 year mark of a relationship with a girl I can only described as shy, closed and who has difficulties speaking whats on her mind (We'll call her Ex). So, during those 2 years, I became an expert at seeing the signs when something wasn't right with her. So, early summer, that situation happen. She comes to my place and I instantly know something is wrong. Fast forward about an hour of trying to get her to talk, she finally tells me she cheated on me... With my best friend. Ex was crying and saying how sorry she was and how she knows it was a bad idea.
Note that my Best friend was in a relationship with a girl at that time too.
Now, you have to know that this girl was what I considered and still are, a girl that was waaayyy out of my league that I got lucky with. Smoking hot, funny and smart. She was Asian (I have a weak spot for them) and she was just perfect physically and sexually. So, I was.... kinda of emotionally dependent of her... So, when she told me that, I wasn't angry. I was surprised... I told her that it was fine, that we can work something out (Bad move I know, I regret saying that now) so I contact my Best Friend (We'll call him BF) and I tell him that I know what happened and that I was ok with it. He was confused and claimed he didn't know what I was talking about. When I told him what Ex told me, he said "Oh... that"
​
Over the following week, I kept thinking about it. Non stop. I question Ex loyalty and I was always afraid she would go off with another dude. After a week, I couldn't take it anymore and we broke up.
Note that I've been friend with BF for about 9 years at that point, we met in High School and we stuck together since then. We were very very close and since BF only have an older sister, I was kinda of his Brother he never had... In a way.
Anyway. A few days later, I talked with BF and asked him if he's gonna say what happened to his Girlfriend. He told me that he doesn't want to talk about it to anyone and that he want that event buried because he doesn't want that fact to hurt his relationship.
When he says that I go "Ok, so you're telling me I should be the only one suffering in this? I should keep that secret and not say anything to anyone because *YOU* don't want your relationship hurt?! Nah bro. Either you tell her what happen in the following 24 hours, or I'll do it. And trust me, my version will be a lot harder to take than if you are the one telling her."
I hang up the phone and I decline any of his following phone calls. The next day, his girlfriend message me, saying that he told her the truth and that I acted a bit rough on him. Confused, I asked her what did he told her. This is what he said.
​
Apparently, a few months prior to me discovering Ex had an affair with BF, she came to his house (It was normal for her to know where he lived since we hang out there a few time). She told him how she wasn't in love with me anymore but she couldn't face me and tell it to me. She didn't know how to tell me so she wanted to make me leave her. So, her stupid mind came up with the idea of making me believe she slept with BF. Which would make me leave her and all BF had to do was to explain everything a few weeks later, when the dust would have settled. BF claimed that he refused instantly, saying that I'm a good guy and that I don't deserve that treatment. He said that she needs to tell me directly and honestly what she feels (Or doesn't feel anymore in her case) about me. But, she didn't care and went on with her plan anyway. That's why BF was confused when I told him I knew. I obviously didn't believed him so he contacted my Ex and she called me, telling me that it was true, it was a plan she made up to make me leave her.
​
Now, here start my question of, was I the Asshole?
So, *IF WHAT HE SAYS IS TRUE,* that it was all fake and they never slept together. (FYI, it's been over a year and a half and I'm still not sure which version is true BUT, I kinda believe it cause, during our 2 years, she always played the victim. Problem at school? She's the victim. Problem with friends and family? She's the victim. Problem at work and gets fired? She's the victim. And now, she got me to leave her so she can play the victim, with her family. But that's not the point of this post.)
I told BF, why didn't you tell me she came to you with this plan? He told me that he thought she would consider something else and maybe come talk to me and we would resolve our situation. He didn't wanted to fuck up our relationship. So, I'm pissed at him at that point and tell him to fuck off, and that I need to think.
Good timing since my family and I went on a road trip for a week.
Fast forward a week later. I decided I had enough of BF bullshit. This whole situation + other stuff I hold against him made me choose to cut the bridge between me and him. I was done.
What I didn't know was that, at the same time, his girlfriend started having doubt about this whole situation and left him. At the same time, he also lost his job. So he lost his job, his girlfriend and his Friend of over 9 years. That pushed him to do a suicide attempt...
He failed for X reason. He called my father (He had his number cause he help him in the past with PC stuff since he's an IT) and asked him if he could come to our house to talk to me. I had blocked him from everywhere so he couldn't asked me directly. My father knew what had happened but decided to let him one chance to talk to me. He comes to my place, with the fresh razor blade mark on his wrist, crying. We talk for over an hour. I tell him that I want the truth and he stick to his story about being a plan from Ex. He said he will change and that all he wants is my forgiveness. He did change a lot since them. He is a way better person since then.
I started to forgive him in the following weeks and months. Now, over a year and a half later, I am now engaged with a wonderful women I trust and BF and I repaired all the broken stuff behind us. But I still have trouble trusting him with meeting my fiancee...
​
So, was I the asshole in this thing? AITA for forcing him to tell the truth to his then GF, which ultimately led to her leaving him. Which, combined with the other stuff, pushed him towards suicide. AITA for not believing him and wanting to cut all ties with him?
​
TL;DR
Then Girlfriend made me believe she slept with my best friend, which was just a "Plan" to make me leave her. I was so pissed off at my best friend that I was responsible for the breakup of his own relationship and OUR friendship which led him to try to kill himself. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
sl4sipsm9RWjmIMV2Hq9TtY8wV6nwzgo
|
ao0zhk
|
{
"description": "going to a formal event with a girl to meet other girls",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For going to a formal event with a girl to meet other girls?
|
I am a sophomore in college and recently a girl invited me to be her date at a formal even at a sorority party on campus. I don’t know this girl super well, we met through a mutual friends and we have a class together. She’s nice and and all but I’m just not interested in being in a relationship with her. Regardless, I said yes.
Besides the fact that she did ask me to be her ‘date’ there hasn’t been any other indication that she is interested in me in that way. And when she asked me, the implication was that we were going as friends. She also said that she didn’t know any other guys that she wanted to ask.
I would also like to say that I am going for other reasons as well. I haven’t been very social since coming to college so I’ve been making a conscious effort to be more social. This would be one of the few times I’ve gone to a party on campus. I am going in hopes of meeting new people that go to school with me and getting to know this girl more, but my main motivation is to meet other sorority girls.
Feel free to ask questions!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
FEwodFrv75ZFN5JnZxPNKumwYSSagokG
|
azz6e6
| null |
AITA - boyfriend refuses to kiss me until he unilaterally decides after an extensive amount of time when i have a cold sore
|
Ok, first time poster here and posting via mobile
Here's the deal. I get cold sores aka I have herpes. I'm 28. I've had it my whole life ever since I can remember ( I didn't make a bad decision or recklessly get one). I've been in many long term relationships (3+ years in length) and NEVER have I given it to any of my partners. I go to extreme lengths to make sure I don't pass it on, including waiting many extra days after I'm positive the cold sores have healed before I'm willing to let myself kiss anyone.
Typically it's at least 2.5 weeks from when I get one until I would do anything physical( general rule of thumb is 2 weeks to heal without acyclovir, lysine, or abreva to help speed the healing process). FTR I use all three. My boyfriend is so scared of getting one, which I understand completely considering I've never had the option to not have them, and I get fairly large and painful ones. After I'm 100% sure it's gone, he still makes me wait additional time before he'll let me kiss him. Anywhere from 4-5 days or at the longest an extra week or two. The amount of time seems completely arbitrary based purely on how fearful he feels at the moment. If it was always the same amount of time, maybe I'd be able to cope better, I dunno.
I struggle with self image issues and feel like a downright ugly unlovable monster when I have cold sores, somewhat exacerbated by the fact that whenever I see my boyfriend remember I have one, he flinches away from me and has a look of intense fear on his face. So, the 2.5 weeks minimum is torture, and then the extra who knows how many days feels even worse (when I know the sore is gone and he treats me as diseased anyways)
We've talked about it and all he ever tells me is that a few extra days isn't anything in comparison to a lifetime - which I understand. I told him it makes me feel pretty crummy to wait even longer and that it sucks he doesn't trust me and believe me when I tell him it's ok. I would NEVER rush a recovery and put ANYONE at risk. I've had a perfect track record for 28 years and don't intend on that changing ever.
Anytime I bring this up, I'm told I just can't possibly understand and why would I make him feel bad because he just wants to protect himself. Which I do understand, but he seems to not care at all that it makes me feel like complete garbage for as long as he's unwilling to kiss me.
AITH for wanting him to trust me more because of my experience with the disease and compromise on the excessive amount of extra wait time? Any time I bring that up, I get told I'm horrible for making him feel bad, but he doesn't seem to care at all that he's making me feel like I'm less than a person. And he tells me I'm overly emotional for feeling that way.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ajMZEQKDFNOIGSPKDeYp5hpWDf6sOchQ
|
ath2f3
|
{
"description": "starting a business that is exactly the same as my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I start a business that is exactly the same as my friend?
|
Hi, first time posting on this sub, tl;dr below.
*dlc = downloadable content
Let's give you guys little context here, I've been selling in game items for a specific game for a while now, and i met someone selling game codes ( dlc's and stuff's, instead of in game items) for the same game, and it's not really a big deal for me since I've started first, and we have totally different target customers. At times I even refer some of my potential customers to him or even buy some codes from him for my regular customers. (I did get lower price from him)
A new game appeared recently and he started selling dlc's for that game, sadly there's no in game items for the game , only dlc's.
So, will I be the A-hole if I start the same business as him?
One more thing to note is that the current game i am doing my business on is slowly dying down. So I am actively searching for other means of income.
tl;dr friend started selling dlc's for a new game, WIBTA if i follow suit?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EBneOnurGtQpZ9ARS7hdWiw1AeQfubF7
|
ayw5l4
|
{
"description": "ending a 15-year friendship over one event 5 years ago",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for ending a 15-year friendship over one event 5 years ago?
|
So background, I have a hard time understanding relationships of any kind. It has gotten better over the years, but navigating social situations does not come to me easily.
​
So for the situation. My ex-friend C and I have been friends since high school. But I recently have only considered to drop all contact with her after reviewing an event that happened 5 years prior.
​
We had gone bar hopping for her 21st birthday. I didn’t know my limits yet nor understood how dangerous sugary drinks could get and got really drunk. Before my black out period I was talking to a guy in one bar. My friends know I don’t flirt and this guy and I were talking about video games. My friends eventually want to leave and say I should stay with the guy. C gives me her phone to contact her if I need a ride since I didn’t have my own. I agree to this without thinking about anything other than wanting to continue the conversation.
​
The rest of the story gets fuzzy because I was super drunk, but not long after that I was outside on the beach. It’s pitch black and the guy was getting aggressive with me so I start trying to call my friends for help with C’s cellphone. Next memory after that some guys were asking if I was okay and getting me a cab so that I can get back to C’s apartment.
​
When I come to the next morning my other friend tells me that C is beyond pissed at me since I had lost her phone on the beach. I didn’t have it with me when I got back and couldn’t tell her where it might be other than it is on the beach. I had also lost my glasses in the event and missed my flight home.
​
C didn’t contact me for months for losing her phone. And if the mention of the event ever comes up she still says how pissed she was that I lost her phone, and how irresponsible I was for missing my flight. Some of our friends came to my defense and said that C shouldn’t have left me there in the first place and that we should be thankful nothing bad happened to me . But she doubles down that the whole thing was my fault.
​
I felt super bad at the time for losing her phone and apologized profusely for it. I was able to pay her back for it in other ways since I did not have the money to buy her a new one. And she accepted this and we moved on with our friendship. But after going out clubbing with other people and seeing how everyone actually does look out for each other do I now see that her actions and attitude about that night were probably not right. I could have been seriously hurt and the fact that her phone was more important than my well-being just shows that she might not be a good friend and to split off the relationship. So I have stopped talking to her, but have not said to anyone why just yet.
​
So I guess the questions are am I the asshole for wanting to split off the friendship for this one event? And/or am I the asshole for wanting to do it five years later?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
XmhTFrrFvlXByaxfxmDa5tgffZaXIsiE
|
a2agwt
|
{
"description": "pinching my sister in the traps",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for pinching my sister in the traps (trapezius muscle)
|
As I was waiting for my truck to warm up to get food, I suddenly see my dog out on the road. He was close to being run over and I was able to quickly grab him and put him in the backyard. I noticed that my sister took him out to the washroom by himself and left the backyard gate open. She was already upstairs and had the door closed because it was cold. I was not in the mood to talk to her. Half an hour, after getting dinner, I see my dog again in the side yard by himself with my sister at the front door. I confront her about what had happened. And she didn't seem geniunely sorry for that, she just turned her back and just walked upstairs, and I pinched her traps and she started crying and saying I attacked her.
I just want to know if I was the asshole and and how much of an asshole was I for doing that.
Im pretty sure I was the asshole for doing that. Just wanted to hear your opinions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
7jJTUXVF27VJagSenme44CpSKSVreLBQ
|
agd826
|
{
"description": "expecting my parents to help more than burden with my kids",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting my parents to help more than burden with my kids?
|
AITA for wanting my mom to pick up and drop off my kids when she wants to see them? She lives 45 mins away and her demands for what we need to bring to her for her convenience has gotten of hand. She claims it's important to spend time with my kids, but wants to put zero effort in the leg work. It's become more of a burden than a help. I'm about to put all of the responsibility and planning on her and cut my losses.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OEREHCPOpg9TYZdODaFt7V1550hfQr4F
|
aesgv1
|
{
"description": "blocking all communication with someone I called a friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For blocking all communication with someone I called a friend?
|
So me and a few friends have a discord serer that we all use to just hang out and game. but about a week ago a few of my friends (they don't know each other irl) Got into a fight. I don't know exactly what happened ( I wasn't there) but when I jumped into the conversation it seemed that they had worked their problems out. But the other day the problems started again out of nowhere they started (It was three of them) Lets call them P, J and A. Well it started with P telling my other friend E that he cant take criticism he was the one they were upset at before). After he deleted the previous conversation (he is a mod) to try to put it behind us and he just wanted to get along. Then as he and I continue to defend his actions to the three of them (P, J, and A) but they just wouldn't give up about 10 min of conversation later P just flat out calls E and idiot (Not that exactly but things I don't what to repeat here) and the conversation continues in his and my DMs well after about 20 min of him defending his point (E cant take criticism) and me telling him it was borderline harassment of E. He calls the whole thing moronic and calls mean idiot (again more intense language) and that I'm over reacting. After that I banned them from the server and blocked them on all other platforms.
​
I know some people will think this is a SHP but I'm really wondering AITA for flat out blocking a friend of 2 years?
​
If anyone involved sees this (I know you have a reddit account) I still stand by my decision.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
BgruWjxydm8CZsvuXSmK8zCxzKrYuxN4
|
b2r8p2
|
{
"description": "not driving carefully enough for my great grandma",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not driving carefully enough for my great grandma?
|
Today, my (17M) great grandma rode with me for the first time in a couple months. She started bitching, as usual, about me taking corners too fast and just generally going too fast. Yeh thing that really pushed her over the edge was when I drove through 2 empty parking spots between parked cars to get to the other side of the parking lot faster. She asked me to try to take my corners slower, at around 10-15 mph. I did just that and she still said I went to fast. She then (very snidely) asked “If the sign said 55 or 60, would you go that fast?”, to which I said yes. She then said I was crazy and that she was afraid of me getting a ticket or worse, getting into a wreck. My dad drives in a similar manner to me and she doesn’t seem to care much when he’s the driver. She also says that my great aunt (her daughter) is a much more careful driver (not really true if you ask my great aunt) and that she doesn’t always feel the safest with me. She said that I was better when I first got my license a year ago (I doubt that lmao) and that I’ve gotten worse. In the past she’s threatened to not ride with me any longer if my driving doesn’t get better/less risky. It hasn’t changed and she hasn’t followed through with her threat. The main reason it pisses me off is that I’m doing her a favor and she takes the opportunity to bitch about how I drive my car.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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b02yrq
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"description": "wanting to explain",
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|
WIBTA for wanting to explain
|
My ex and I dated a long time (like 7 years) and then my ex broke up with me unexpectedly. I was upset during it but we remained friends after still.
Sometime later my ex wanted to get back with me but I didn't really want to, but being friends was ok, sometimes my ex would push boundaries a bit and I'd not stop them but overall it wasn't attention I wanted. I think I mostly remained friends because of how long we were together and felt like removing each other from our lives would be difficult and we liked being friends overall.
Well sometime last year I got a new partner and my partner had me remove bad influences from my life that I desperately needed to do, one of who was my ex. I completely ghosted my ex and despite my ex trying to contact me asking what's wrong, am I okay, how they wanted to remain friends with me cause I'm important to them, I never did respond.
Sometimes I consider messaging the ex and explaining why I ghosted them, but at the same time it's been about a year since it all happened, been about 4 years since they've broken up with me. Should I just leave it in the past, given how long it's been? My ex has still tried to talk to me through family so I know they're not over it completely still.
The main reason I cut them out is because they were emotionally abusive towards me at times though it was mostly because their mental health wasn't good and I was always willing to bend over backwards for them no matter what. There was one time when we were both drunk that they got physical towards me but nothing other than that incident aside from yelling at me and it always came down to it being my fault, gray area for who's it actually was.
WIBTA if I contacted them again? I don't actually want to keep talking to them but everyone says ghosting is bad so it makes me feel worse knowing I did it to not just them, but others as well. Most of who I cut out were people my current partner said were manipulating me which is true, I was put in many uncomfortable situations that I didn't know exactly how to get out of and figured that's how life is for me and dealt with it rather than making it stop.
Tldr, WIBTA if I contacted my ex to explain why I ghosted?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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apeybv
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{
"description": "being frustrated that my GF won't seek mental health help",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
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|
AITA for being frustrated that my GF won't seek mental health help?
|
My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years now. She had depression, but she goes through good times and bad like always. Recently though she is hitt 25 years old and feels like she should have stuff figured out. She doesn't at all. I work in a very stressful job (emergency medicine) and see a lot of mental health issues that get out of control. I recently confronted her about how she doesn't seem to want to get better because she has access to free services and won't use them. She has lost friends because she comes off as completely desperate for approval, so I am really the only person she talks to outside of work. I told her as such and she got extremely upset as if I was insulting her. She is still refusing to seek help and is saying that it's "just who she is" that has driven friends away and that nothing will change it. I have gotten frustrated to the point that I get angry with her very easily. I am afraid to go home sometimes because I feel like depending on the day I may spend every second of free time trying to comfort her instead of doing my from home side job or even just enjoying my life. AITA? Should I be okay with being her only source of comfort and respect her decision?
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HISTORICAL
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b6t82e
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{
"description": "accidentally getting my coworker/friend in trouble",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for accidentally getting my coworker/friend in trouble?
|
I work in a print shop in my colleges union. There are about ten employees all students, and one manager who's an older guy, He's rather lazy and hates having to do anything more than he has to. There is almost always only two of us and our manager working at rather sporadic shifts around classes. A lot of our orders come in through email.
So, I come to work for my shift with my friend. We do the opening routine, and then get to the emails. I take one ordering a scientific poster. They had already been talking to another employee last night.
The customer had asked if the poster and the images inside of the poster were high enough resolution to print correctly at 3x4.
The employee said yes it should be fine (which unknown to me or the customer was a lie).
The customer asked how much a poster printed on fabric cost (so she can fold it).
The employee quoted her the correct price of 60$.
So i get in and her email says to go ahead and print the poster. I print it since the other employee said the resolution was fine. I watch it print the first foot and the resolution was fine, then I had to help another customer.
When I get back to it, there was one picture that had a pretty bad resolution. To be fair, when printing on fabric the quality does lower and it was a very dark photo so not the best for quality printing. Anyways I call over my friend because this is a 60 dollar poster and I don't know if we reprint it or if it's the normal quality or what. I have only worked here for a little, my friend has worked here for years. She says it's fine and to roll it up and tell the customer it's done.
Later after I leave, the customer comes to pick it up and apparently she gets pissed and freaks out. My friend tried telling her that she can just reprint the poster and she won't be charged it's our fault. My manager hears this and gets pissed at my friend and yells at her.
In my mind it's kinda all of our faults, the customer was being a little unreasonable, and my manager didn't need to freak out. Mistakes happen. I mean I don't think I'm an asshole since I'm new and yeah I will double check my coworkers from now on.
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HISTORICAL
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a75zeu
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{
"description": "standing a girl up",
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"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA for standing a girl up?
|
So a few weeks ago I met a girl on a dating app. We were talking a little bit and I asked her out and she said yes. She didnt really respond to my texts that much so I really didnt even get a chance to talk to her much.
When the day came around I messaged her again and asked if we were still on. She said she totally forgot and was busy but suggested another day to go out. Usually I follow the rule that if a girl cancels a date without suggesting another day, it means shes not interested but she did so I kept going.
A few days later we were supposed to go out again and she texted me earlier in the day and said that she was busy and had tons of homework but again suggested another day.
Third times the charm right? Wrong. She cancels our date for the third time but says she feels super bad and says we can hang out the next day.
The next day I'm trying to iron out the details of the date and she says that we should just meet on campus and have a "study date" in the middle of the afternoon. This doesnt sound super fun to me for a few reasons:
1. I wouldnt actually be able to get to know her
2. I dont really study anyway
3. We study completely different things so it's not like we could help each other
Then she stopped responding before we could even pick a place to meet and stuff. At that point I just decided it wasnt worth it and gave up.
The other day she texts me, mad for standing her up, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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ahfpiz
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{
"description": "refusing to sell to someone because they didn't follow my sale rules even if they we're probably pointless",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to sell to someone because they didn't follow my sale rules even if they we're probably pointless?
|
okay, for some context, i am a freelance artist who mostly works off of Deviantart (it's not the prettiest place to work, but at this point i'm used to it) and i wanted to make some adoptable characters over the span of thanksgiving break and Christmas break, as the school i work at wouldn't have work, since of course all the kids were gone, and i wanted to make a tiny bit of money on the side. so i made three batches of 12, with two of them coming out thanksgiving and the last batch coming out before Christmas, however where this story gets interesting is with a person who was buying from me, who i am just going to call anon for privacy purposes.
he had gotten a adopt from each batch, however i initially didn't really like doing business with him too much, as he would only say one word replies. and didn't have any common courtesy to say thank you me when i gave the adopts to him. but that was no reason to not sell to him, so i still gave them to him. the thing is, the way i set up the adopt buying process was that it was an auction, you'd pay me a minimum bid, or larger then that, and then people could bid more money after that. if 24 hours had passed since the latest bid, i'd put the adopt on pending until i got the money, but if you didn't pay me in 24 hours, it'd go back on sale with the bids reset. i did this as i am a busy person and i wouldn't always have the time to go and edit the like, 10 things i would have to show people the adopt was sold, give it to you, and make sure you had a reference sheet and color palate, so it helped to know when i was going to have to do all the editing so i could set time aside for it. but on the last batch, anon had gotten the highest bid on something for the third time, and i told him he had 24 hours to pay for it. no response from him at all. now, 26 hours later, way over the time limit by this point, he sent me the points and didn't even bother to apologize for being late. but the thing is i was going to go out with a friend 10 minutes later, where i'd be offline for a while, so i didn't have the time to maybe make the exception to him and give the adopt anyway, so i sent the points back, with the explanation of that he was too late so i had to refuse. about four hours after i got back, he said, and i quote;
"N\*\*\*a i was asleep"
i was rather tired by this point, and admittedly really annoyed, so i sent a long winded reply about how he couldn't be asleep for 26 hours, and if he was going to be gone all day, he could have told me in advance and i would have given more time in advance. and also telling him that calling me a racial slur is really rude. but then he just proceeded to call me stupid and block me before i could explain to him further. however the thing is, even if he was rude after that, i feel like i might have been hard of him for not just waiting until tomorrow to give him the adopt, and that the rule was dumb and i was just picking on him for the reason of that he was slightly standoffish at first, but never was acting mean. so was i the asshole here for doing that?
TL;DR: i refused to sell an adopt to someone as he took too long to get back to me, we got in a fight afterwards, even if i could have made an exception to the rule despite it being a hassle to have to do.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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rkfEF1Uhz5BxpwPzU03wU1FUy4GuRtjw
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b19td8
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{
"description": "breaking up with a depressed \"friend\"",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
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|
AITA for breaking up with a depressed “friend”?
|
Sorry in advance for any formatting problems, I’m on mobile.
TL;DR at the bottom
Early in the school year, a friend of mine told me that she a guy was watching her. With her permission, I befriended the guy so I could talk to him about her. It was a success. But he still thought himself my friend after.
I know he has other friends, but he tries to spend more time with me. I feel like he’s invading almost every aspect of my life without me wanting him to.
He moved to sit behind me in math. That’s fine, I can’t stop him from sitting there even if he sometimes talks while the teacher’s talking. He moved to sit at my lunch table, disrupting the established order of seats. He tries to sit next to me whenever there’s a space available, and sometimes when there isn’t.
Obviously that’s not everything, but it’s very much in the little things- him asking me about my private life and other things that are none of his business.
None of this would be awful, but I’m embarrassed to be seen with him. He randomly yells (and he doesn’t see what’s wrong with it), talks in a high, incoherent voice when he’s imitating someone, and makes repetitive, obscure jokes. He talks and argues when he’s not supposed to, including with teachers, and asks stupid questions (stupid because he’s been told the answer and he’s smart enough to remember). He admits that he tries to act stupid, and he’s very sheltered, which isn’t his fault, but it does cause some social problems in high school. Most people either think he’s weird or are annoyed by him, including me.
I’ve grown tired of his lack of boundaries/social sense and I’ve been trying to distance myself from him by avoiding him when I can, making sure there isn’t anywhere to sit near me, and angling myself away from him when I’m talking to people and he comes over. But a few days ago he decided he could listen and contribute to a private conversation between my teacher and I about my schedule next year, and for some reason that really upset me.
I invited a friend to sit behind me in math, where he usually sits, and said “I have a friend now!” without consciously meaning to say he’s not my friend. But he was upset and I didn’t want him to come back when I’ve been trying to get away from him for months. If it were someone else, I wouldn’t be worried, but he’s diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. (He is getting professional help already).
TL;DR: I started talking to someone who annoys me and completely invades many aspects of my personal/social life.
AITA for trying to stop being friends with them even though they’re severely depressed (but getting professional help), and didn’t do anything majorly wrong?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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r9X1WYmRLyxBEdePeteZXSBiSP5gYRzi
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a1x8re
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{
"description": "reporting a classmate's rape, but for selfish reasons",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for reporting a classmate‘s rape, but for selfish reasons
|
In high school a now former friend, Alice (Junior), confided in me (sophomore) that her father raped her when she was little. Alice also told me her mom knew and didn’t do anything about it.
Btw Alice was 16 when she told me, and I was 15.
Fast forward almost a year and our friendship fell apart. We grew closer with others, and one day we just stopped talking. A mutual ghosting, if you will. There was no blow up fight. Just lots of little things we never talked about due to us being dumb high schoolers with no communication skills.
Fast forward many months and it is almost Alices’s graduation. Alice is 17 but close to 18 and I’m 16.
I told the school everything in an anonymous letter. (Weak of me to be anonymous, I know). I wanted to tell the school before she turned 18, but I didn’t want to see her in the halls at school (I was still a junior) So I waited until she almost graduated.
As far as I know nothing came of it. I never found out and didn’t pry. Never told anyone and it’s been almost 20 years. Never spoke to her again.
Why did I tell? Because I was angry at her parents and wanted them punished; and because I felt guilty knowing and not helping her.
In my heart I knew she didn’t want to report it. I took that choice away from her. She told me she didn’t want to report it, but I felt so guilty knowing the secret, I wanted to get it off my chest and, selfishly, feel better.
So only a small part of me thought: she should be rescued while she is still a minor. Mostly it was: holy shit I can’t just sit on this info, it’s driving me crazy not acting.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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9w74lg
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{
"description": "not caring if people think I'm the asshole",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not caring if people think I’m the asshole?
|
Having an existential moment here boys.
|
HISTORICAL
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9y5r4p
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{
"description": "telling a friends parents about her new cocaine habit",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA to tell a friends parents about her new cocaine habit?
|
A friend of mine recently started doing cocaine. She's in her mid twenties. I've had a lot of friends do coke of the years, and generally it's not a major issue, they do it once every while at big parties and such. That's how this particular friend started as well a few months ago. But I've had a few friends who have completely fucked out and ended up ruining their lives from it.
Recently she's being taking more and more often. Initially it became every weekend, then sometimes during the week, and now multiple days in a row. From what I can tell she started using around 4 months ago.
I've tried speaking to her about it but she gets really angry, and lies to me about it saying she hasn't done when I know she has. The other day (on a week day) I asked if she had done coke the night before and she claimed she hadn't. I later accidentally saw a text conversation between her and someone else talking about the night before's coke.
I've told her that I'm considering talking to her parents because I'm worried about her. She got really angry and told me it has nothing to do with me.
Would I be the asshole for telling her parents? She will know it's me and I'm sure she'll never speak to me again if I do. I'm willing to lose a friendship if it means she gets the help she needs
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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9y0zma
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{
"description": "giving my 14 year old cousin wasabi without telling her what it was first",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for giving my 14 year old cousin wasabi without telling her what it was first?
|
I really like wasabi, I put it on things people probably shouldn't put it on (like hot dogs.) So, we were having a family meal with my grandma and a couple of cousins and I put some wasabi on my plate to have with dinner. My one cousin, let's call her Amy, is a very adventurous kid. She likes to be included in everything, but in a healthy and not obnoxious way. She's pretty chill. So, Amy is looking at me and wondering why I'm eating this stuff that the rest of my family is giving me funny looks for eating. I told her that it was wasabi, but it slipped my mind to mention how it was spicy. She asks if she can have some, so I put a bit on her plate.
Que disaster.
Without me watching, Amy got the same amount that I normally use with her fork and put it in a bite of rice. Big mistake, I have a large tolerance because of how much I eat. Then she starts yelling at me about tricking her into eating something spicy. She called me plenty of names while trying to find the closest drink. Of course, wasabi doesn't burn for long, and she laughed it off afterwards, but the rest of my family looked at me like I was a dick. I even got told off for it by my wife, her saying I shouldn't assume everyone knows what wasabi is.
Things to consider:
Amy is into plenty of pop culture, loves cartoons and comedies. She also really likes video games and learning in general. She's also pretty popular at school, so, definitely not a sheltered kid.
Amy is very smart for her age. Out of all of her siblings, she probably has the most potential.
I always joke around about sharing the wasabi, since nobody else likes it, and everyone else vehemently refuses, I thought she would catch on that there's more reasons than one as to why nobody else wanted any.
Amy has seen me eat extremely spicy things. I like spicy challenges.
This is probably the most I've hurt my cousin in terms of physical pain. Well, maybe the couple of times I accidentally pulled a knot in her hair when brushing it, but still...
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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|
amla03
|
{
"description": "talking people friendly on social media",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for talking people friendly on social media
|
I am living abroad and I have a long distance relationship with my gf. I use twitter actively and sometimes I talk with people with a friendly behavior. I don't have much friends in here to go out casually.
Last semester there was this girl I know from my home city, i barely knew her (we've met a few times) and she was doing exchange semester in another country. I learned that on twitter and asked her about her exchange like when did she go or how did she feel. Sometimes I talk with people or make jokes with people by mentions.
My girlfriend thinks it is not normal, asks me why do I need to talk with people casually.
AITA for talking people with a friendly on social media and find it is okay when you're in a relationship?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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abqmt4
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend if he thought we wouldn't be together more than 6 months when he told me he'd rather get a 6 month lease than a year long lease",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend (M24) if he thought we wouldn't be together more than 6 months when he told me (F24) he'd rather get a 6 month lease than a year long lease
|
As a female (24), I feel like I don't want to be labeled as crazy. My boyfriend (also 24) wanted to get a 6 month lease instead of a longer lease when we rent an apartment and move in together for the first time, and I asked him if it was because he thought we might not be together longer than 6 months and told him I'd rather just get a 1 year lease cause they're usually cheaper and easier to find. He acted like I was crazy for asking that. For reference, we've been together for 2 years.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
ddOTs9Gap9kJiCCRr0e6UqCohCmvvlEU
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aw76mv
| null |
AITA My friend made me uncomfertable
|
I had a close friend named Juliet (not real name). We were just talking and sexuality came up in just your standard straight male nothing interesting. She kept saying "you dont know if you're not gay." This made me uncomfertable so I didn't talk to her when I confronted her about it. I wanted to say she had no place saying if i was gay or not and it seemed she was forcing it on me but the best thing I could say was it made me uncomfertable and that im not gay im straight and i know it. She got annoyed saying how I shouldn't have brought it up and that she did nothing wrong. I gave up and just stopped talking to her. Its been haunting me. I just want to know if I was the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b9tudl
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{
"description": "losing a usb key that is not mine",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for losing a USB key that is not mine?
|
So today, I was on the train and I found a usb key. So I took it and thought: "I'm going to see if I can find the name of the owner and try to give it back to him" . So I used a PC at school to look for the name and I found it. She is a student in a city next to where I live and she had some potentially important files on it. So I put the key back in my pocket and go back to work.
A few hours later, I checked my pockets to look for the key and it was gone. I looked everywhere but I couldn't find it. I lost the key.
I know it's not my fault, but I think that if I would've let the key, maybe she could've find it.
So, am I the asshole for "stealing" a usb key and losing it, ruining the chance of the owner to find it?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aix89n
| null |
AITA for apparently acting hyper-competitive?
|
I'm (F/22) currently taking a stressful, extremely competitive and intensive 5 week summer course at university. In this class, there's another student from my department, Ann (F/30+). I've clashed with Ann twice.
First was when Ann overheard a student in our class talking to the professor. He said that he did poorly on the midterm and wanted out of the class. He asked if he could drop the class a good week after the withdraw deadline, when there was only a week classes left. I told Ann that its far too late to drop the class and if he did that poorly he should just "carpet the floor" instead of trying to weasel his way past the deadline. This class is graded on a curve so carpeting the floor basically means filling up the bottom 40% of the curve bracket (up to 30% of the class can get an A, up to 30% of the class can get a B, and the bottom 40% (or more, if the professor thinks the whole class sucked) gets a C or lower).
Ann basically started screeching at me that I'm selfish for thinking like that. I think she started screeching at me because I hit a sore spot. She also dropped the class a day after the deadline because she crapped the midterm, but she's auditing the class now. I think the school administration employee was feeling especially generous. You're normally not allowed to drop after the deadline. Anyways, she told me that I'm so selfish for saying he should "carpet the floor" and for saying he shouldn't be able to drop the class past the deadline. In my opinion, the deadline is there for a reason and students shouldn't be above school rules. Also, our class originally had 32 students, and 14 of the 15 who dropped properly dropped before the drop deadline. I really don't think this one kid is above the rules SIMPLY and ONLY because he crapped his exam. I'd be far more sympathetic if he had other grievous personal circumstances.
In addition, when she did poorly on the midterm she asked me for advice, which she followed to a T. She said she was worried that she couldn't pull up her grade into the top 60% bracket. I told her that if she did that poorly she should just drop the class and audit. If she drops the class, the poor grade won't appear on her transcript. Also, I said that because the class is mandatory, she might as well audit. It would actually be more beneficial for me to have her stay in the class without dropping because of the curve. If she falls into the bottom bracket, there's a higher chance of me getting at least a B (which I need for my graduation requirement).
The second time was when we were in class and Ann couldn't follow along with what the professor said. She asked me if she could see what I wrote. She basically tapped me and said "question 3." It wasn't really much of a request. I showed her the answer while covering the rest of my textbook without thinking. She got EXTREMELY offended that I was covering the rest of my textbook, which had all of my notes written on it. She started making a fuss about it in class ("Why are you being like that? Do you hate showing me your textbook?"), to which I was genuinely confused because I showed her the damn answer.
So after class I asked her why she was so offended. She told me that she was offended because I didn't spread open my textbook and show her ALL of the notes I've written. In addition, she's offended because she thinks that I've been hiding my textbook and my notes, while sitting skewed so that she can't see my textbook. I was extremely flabbergasted when she said that. Until now, I've been nothing but helpful to her. I've explained so many concepts and answers that she didn't understand. I asked her if she thinks she's it's a given that she always has free access to my notes and my answers. She said yes. She also added, "It's not like your answers are always correct. I don't see any problem with copying them."
This woman basically thinks she's entitled to looking at my textbook, my notes, my homework, and my work. Her argument is that because she dropped the class (i.e. not competing with me) I should give her free access to my work. I explained to her that she's not entitled to anything because this is MY work. In addition, I'm not obligated to allow her to copy my answers because I put in the work in completing the course work while she didn't. For me, it doesn't matter if she dropped the class or not.
Of course, Ann acted like I was completely irrational. She told me that her classmates have ALWAYS showed each other their school work. She continuously twisted my words, saying that "If you don't feel obliged to show me your work, then it means that you HATE helping others." I don't think she's obligated to show her anything. I've never seen someone this entitled in my entire life. Am I in the minority here? Am I going crazy?
TL;DR: Classmate called selfish and insinuated that I'm hyper-competitive because:
1. I don't think another classmate should be able to drop the class we're in far past the deadline
2. I don't feel obligated to show her my course work even though we're not competing against each other (i.e. she dropped the class so she's not subject to the curve). AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
apcChKEX3gzcSUwiDWi2da5L8m2KGAdT
|
axjywb
|
{
"description": "asking for nudes when she said she was ok with it",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking for nudes when she said she was ok with it?
|
Asked nudes from girlfriend of 3 years she said she was ok with it I constantly ask her if she was ok with it and she says she is then suddenly when we are both on separate holidays she breaks up saying I can get a better girlfriend then a mutual friend says she actually broke up cause I constantly asked for nudes when she didn’t want them but I kept asking her if she was ok with it and she said she was? AITA and is there anyway I could go about saying I am sorry cause I legitimately didn’t realise I was doing anything wrong
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
|
padW3EZWhAEemYvIlEorFvwPAxUd4XkG
|
awwavw
|
{
"description": "not wanting my son to talk to his dad every night son is with me",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my son to talk to his dad every night son is with me?
|
Tldr: dad wants phone call every night son is with me but some nights I don't feel like it and I dont want to encourage son on nights he doesn't feel like it.
Background: My ex and I coparent very well for the most part. I have our son 4 nights out of the week. His father wants to talk to him each of those nights. Sometimes its not convenient, or one of us just doesn't feel like it. I have to be there monitoring because my son is 5 and will walk away from the phone, get distracted, or just not hold it right so his dad can see his face. Calls are between 5-15 minutes long. We use Facebook messenger as there are face filters that make it more fun for son.
They (dad and son) have a close relationship. Dad is a present, loving father which I am grateful for.
Ex is willing to call me the nights son is with him but I am usually busy. My son and I are very close and I dont feel like our relationship is negatively affected by not talking to him every night. In fact, I feel forcing him to phone talk sometimes makes him resentful too. The few times son has requested to talk to me I've always made myself available.
Tonight when ex called, my son asked for 30 minutes because he didnt feel like talking right then. Ex called exactly 30 minutes later and said because I didn't force the issue that son is walking all over me. He also requested that I be more involved in monitoring. Some nights I have walked away to brush teeth, do dishes or just my nightly routine.
I'm becoming resentful of the fact that we dont seem to have an option to not have phone calls certain nights. AITA for feeling resentful? Are these phone calls necessary for my son's relationship with his dad? I don't get the feeling they are, I feel like I'm doing it more for his dad.
Set me straight please, I'm not 100% sure whats right here.
Cross posted in parenting.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
rMVSv1y0d6cWte94glsWLAk4LQo4xay1
|
9zmh1i
|
{
"description": "causing a scene to get the heat off my sister",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for causing a scene to get the heat off my sister?
|
It's Thanksgiving and my little sister (17) and I (21) are hanging out most of the day. We both smoke weed, so after dinner we "take a walk" around the corner. We get back and my older sisters circle the kid and go full mom mode on her. "You're our responsibility!" "you need to think about your actions!" and the like.
I've been on the receiving end of that and I don't want her to have to deal with it because in my opinion, she did nothing wrong. I see her face and I have the healthy and totally normal reaction of yelling back and turning it on my older sisters. An argument ensues, but I catch the brunt of it.
So what's up, am I a good brother or am I just a dick?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
UVuonjwy3SZAT4ze22UaoccCuH9zQaUO
|
9y2mng
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{
"description": "during the last Text Conversation I had with an ex girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA during the Last Text Conversation I had with an ex girlfriend?
|
(To preface this conversation: She asked for a break, later wanted to get back with me, I said no and regret that decision, didn't give her the distance because I wanted to fix my mistakes with her. We also work together and she told me that she fell out of love and has feelings for another coworker. I've been a heap of sad emotions and managed to get blocked on snapchat and facebook for not shutting my mouth.)
Me: *Her name*? Can I ask you a loaded question so I can finally move on...before you block my number too. I'm not trying to get you back because I know you're 100% moved on
Her: What
Me: Does the new guy make you happy? No ill intent behind that sentence
Her: He does.
Me: That's great. I truthfully mean it. I just wish I was able to make you happy. The only reason why I kept talking to you was because I thought I could make you happy again but I failed. I didn't want to break up with you because I didn't want to hurt you but...I'm definitely the hurt one lol. I honestly love you but could feel no love when you talked to me. Hopefully we can reconnect in the future as friends but I definitely need to get over you.
Her: You can't force someone to be friends with you, I needed space and you weren't giving me that and yeah I was losing feelings and tired of having to babysit my boyfriend basically. I was over it.
Me: I completely understand. I definitely feel the hostility from you.
Her: Well that's what happens when you aren't happy
Me: I wish we've could of worked things out but what's done is done. To be completely honest, it devastated me knowing you fell in love with someone else.
Her: I wouldn't say I love him
Me: Okay. I just want you to be happy *her name* and he makes you happy. Seeing you today(seen her at work while clocking in) just showed me how much I'm not over you. I just need to heal. I'm sorry for not respecting boundaries. I was distraught. I honestly wish you the best and I'll love you as a friend for a long time because you were there during some shitty times and I really appreciate you. Do you ever see us making amends and being cool again?
Her: No. I have no desire to be friends
Me: Thanks for the honest answer.
Her: I'm okay with everything that happened but I have no desire to be friends.
Me: I just don't want to have an awkward vibe if we clock in at work. I have one last question
Her: what
Me: Do you hate me now?
Her: I told you I don't
Me: Okay I'm done talking before some more dumb shit flies out of me. I really wish you the best.
Rereading these texts and typing it out, makes me hate this weak person I've been during this whole breakup.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
d2Te3VGS7mtpInBIzJ3n52tlknrrpnnP
|
ap6j1x
|
{
"description": "using my dad's car",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for using my dad's car?
|
My (20) dad has always claimed me on his taxes while my mom claimed my sister (19). I always looked up to my dad while my sister usually comes by when she wants something. He has a better job than my mom and has had a better career overall than my mom. I would always hang out with my dad every opportunity I got. I got my temporary permit and then got my license. As I got my license, my sister got her temporary permit. She let that expire. And then another set. One more set on top of that. She finally decided to go to driving school and then as she had her fourth temporary permit passed the driving test. She never claimed she wanted to drive. She liked to boast about being chauffeured around. My dad's credit was improving and he decided he wanted to get a new vehicle. He got one, but didn't want to trade in his old SUV. He had it for a few years prior and knew the transmission has been replaced. He put a few hundred dollars into it over the few years and he let me drive it around. Usually I would be going to school or work. He said that I was financially responsible for it. In the summer of 2018 my sister got her license and got her car. She worked all summer to save for it. I found an opportunity to go to Europe so I was working toward that goal. About 10 days after my sister got her car totalled. The insurance covered her car but it wasnt as flashy as my sister likes.
Today she sent me a screen shot of a tweet that said, "The Toyota that boy bought is worth more than the range rover handed down to that other kid." Or something along the lines.
AITA for using my dads vehicle?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
|
2lk8RZfcSdcxZDGNbWQWdg0SruDUvjsX
|
adphq8
|
{
"description": "wanting someone to stop using my \"product\" to make money",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA If I want someone to stop using my "product" to make money
|
I run a theme park and this girl always films the park and interacts with the characters and they get a decent amount of views and she makes money from it. I don't want to ruin her time but I also feel uncomfortable and some of the actors as well have felt weird about being used this way. The park is bigger than I am meaning its a brand in itself and the company hasn't said anything. thoughts on this?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
Gpflwn2PESodiC5TNdtAttZcO8XXV5fR
|
9trhu5
|
{
"description": "not going in to work tomorrow",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA If I didn't go in to work tomorrow?
|
So a few weeks ago I went to a concert and had requested off 2 months in advanced and came into work the day before the concert only to find out I didn't work that day but the next day (the night of the concert). It ended up working out though because the coworker who was supposed to work that night was sick so we just switched days. But for the last three weeks I haven't worked a saturday. I made plans to go to a party tomorrow and was sent a picture of the schedule by a friend only to find out I work tomorrow. I told the manager I couldn't come in as I had already made plans but was told since I didn't request off I had to find someone and if not I have to go in. I feel like I shouldn't have to request off on a day I don't work. I wasn't given a heads up that the person had requested the weekend off, and am sure that they called out last minute. Typically when the schedule is changed they have given me a heads up. I've already missed a concert due to a similar situation. So WIBTA if I didn't go in?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
nIdvticVgq2Kod04uftEm7RR34Vs2X6x
|
a61u9v
|
{
"description": "going over my \"manager's\" head",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going over my "manager's" head?
|
This might be a long post because I'm covering two years of a relationship with a co worker, so I'll try to keep it as brief as possible. Thank you to those who stick with me because I really need some perspective.
​
I've worked at my job for a little over two years now. I have two co workers who are in a relationship, the guy who we'll call Caleb has been there for 8 years and his significant other who we'll call Ashley as been there for over \*12.\* It's not a hard job, probably one of the easiest I've had and for the most part it had been pretty enjoyable for the first year and a half. I have a pretty decent ongoing relationship with my boss, who actually asked me to accompany her on a trip out of the country about six months after I started working there (she's older and physically needs help, she even flew me first class, nothing "weird" happened just fyi).
They told me when I started working there that there are no "managers" and that everyone is a manager. This was a red flag for me based on previous experience but I kind of ignored it because I was having fun. Another thing that started bugging me was the amount of shit talking about the owner that they'd do (especially Ashley), calling her a crazy manipulative bitch and such to the point that I started believing it. Now, she has a very big personality and can sometimes be a bitch for sure, but our relationship has been pretty solid over the years and someone who owns a store like that HAS to be a bitch sometimes. I hate to admit that sometimes I'd partake in the shit talking, and it kind of became an in joke with everyone else. I am not proud of this. It was very much an "Us against her" attitude and they were all very tight nit with it.
I also noticed that Ashley, who was basically the store manager despite having any official title would constantly treat me like an idiot and be very cold to me from the moment I started, then would weirdly turn around and be very nice to me. I didn't understand because she was basically the one who interviewed me and got me hired. I consider myself a good worker, have had quite a few jobs and was only fired from one when I was 16 and irresponsible. I'm 31 now and while I don't consider myself the most gregarious person in the world I believe I have a good work ethic and attitude, so this was really strange for me. I'd do what I was told, not give any sort of attitude and do it the best I could. When I fucked up on something, I took it seriously and tried to fix it (I can be very forgetful sometimes). I spent way too much time trying to figure out what I did to deserve such attitude, so I worked very hard to get on her good side because she was the only one preventing me from really enjoying the job fully, so I started getting to know her better, asking her about her relationship with Caleb and trying to do things to make her job easier.
Fast forward a year or so and I actually got to know Caleb and Ashley decently well and found myself pretty good friends with them, especially Caleb despite him being a very big intimidating guy (I've seen him put people in choke holds). We'd hang out at their house and have a good time watching movies and cooking food, go to each other's birthday parties, buy each other gifts, and the coldness that Ashley was projecting onto me previously wasn't really around anymore. I was really happy about this, and it continued on for about a year until recently.
I have a slight problem sometimes where when I get pushed into a corner I say white lies. Not my best quality, but it's something that I'm working on. The more aggressive someone comes at me, the more it happens. I'm not proud of this at all, but the reality is that it's usually over petty things and when it comes to serious issues I'm a pretty honest person and see the importance in that. I had lied about a couple of things here and there to Ashley, nothing really that major or done out of malice, basically just trying to save face because I have self confidence issues I guess.
One time it was about accidentally taking one set of store keys home with me and not immediately turning around and bringing them back. I had told her that I had put them in my sweatshirt pocket and forgot about them when I left, when in reality I noticed they were hanging out of my back pocket about half way home, and told myself I'd bring them back the next day because I was being a lazy ass. Well she checked the cameras and saw the keys hanging out of my back pocket on my way out.
\*Strike one.\*
A little while after that my boss had taken a big spill head-first while walking through the store. She had actually hit her face on the ground and had a big welt on her forehead. The next day Ashley and Caleb told me about it, and Ashley offered to show me on the cameras. I watched and we all chuckled at it, but later that night after reflecting on it I felt really bad. The next day my boss asked me if I had heard about her fall and I replied with "Yeah I saw. It looked really painful." She realized that I had seen it on the cameras, it was mostly a slip I guess because I wasn't really in the mindset to feel I needed to cover for Ashley, yet didn't really go out of my way to tell the boss either, it just kinda came out. The boss confronted Ashley and said I had mentioned that I'd seen it on the cameras. The boss was furious and revoked Ashley's access to the cameras, saying that she was abusing her power and trying to embarrass her. I agreed with that decision, but when Ashley found out she was furious at me for it, thinking I had run to the boss and proclaimed that Ashley was abusing her power. I believe she still holds a grudge against me for this because she still brings it up as if it's "no big deal." I am not as stupid as she thinks I am, and know this to be false. She is very prideful and jealous of other people, so when she takes a blow she holds a grudge for a very long time. I know this about her.
\*Strike two.\*
Even the boss's son, who worked with us for awhile and was being treated like shit by her (he was admittedly somewhat lazy and tried to get out of work, but it very much reminded me of the way she treated me when I got hired despite me having a better work ethic), confronted her about it and guess who got in his face? Caleb. Caleb is very protective of her, because she has a panic disorder and doesn't handle confrontation very well. This may make me sound like a complete asshole, but I have started to notice that her panic attacks mostly seem to happen when she is confronted for her mistakes, and Caleb is there every time to swing his dick around and call everyone an asshole for treating her like shit.
Recently, things have gotten A LOT worse at work. Ashley hasn't been communicating with people or the owner properly and it's basically me who has to pick up the pieces almost every time. She changed the schedule without asking any of us, so someone didn't know they worked and didn't show up, which resulted in me having to work a double shift without overtime pay (it's a small business), her and Caleb were over two hours late for work and I had to stay and cover for them one time, despite them being late for doing work related stuff, there was no call or anything just an assumption that I'd stay and be cool with it. All of this happened without a single acknowledgement or apology from her for fucking up. I had a conversation about it with my boss, who was beside herself trying to figure out what was going on. We speculated that maybe something was going on in her personal life, maybe her anxiety was worse and she was getting forgetful, and agreed to leave it alone for awhile. After all, Ashley has worked there \*twelve years.\*
Ashley somehow found out about this conversation, and even went as far to confront me about it. She successfully twisted the whole thing to make me look like the bad guy proclaiming "I want to be your friend again, but how can I do that when I think you'll run to the boss every time I say something? How can I trust you? You can't trust the boss, she will play you like a fiddle and turn you against us." The crazy thing is: I ended up apologizing for it and believing her. Fuck me, right? I literally can't have a conversation about this with her, because honestly I'm scared that if I criticize her, her boyfriend will get pissed at me and do something stupid. That is what made me furious more so than having to work extra the more I thought about it. So I had another conversation with the the boss and told her what happened, and we agreed that the whole thing is highly suspect, and to be really honest with each other by not giving Ashley any room to figure out what's going on. The boss told me that she thinks it's time for a replacement for Ashley, and I (feeling somewhat sick and heartbroken over the whole thing, realizing that my friend really wasn't a friend at all) told her that if I was in her position I'd do the same.
Ashley now thinks that the boss is playing favorites with me and suspects something it going on, when in reality we have a good working relationship and haven't had any trouble with each other mostly because I've been honest to her about what's going on in \*her\* store. Ashley and Caleb have this attitude that the store is theirs and walk around like hot stuff, somehow impervious to criticism as if they're so important that they can't be replaced. Now Ashley is attempting to manipulate me again, by being overly-nice in some cases and extremely cold in others. Some nights she won't even talk to me, turning her back towards me while laughing with other people, bringing them food etc.
​
Am I the asshole for going over her head, reporting it to the boss, and forced to have secret conversations about someone who has seniority over me?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
nhdem5fd9ImNZv1oOP48RsJUOahj0hbt
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b5z0mt
|
{
"description": "being annoyed with my roommate for not dealing with a mouse in the apartment",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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}
|
AITA for being annoyed with my roommate for not dealing with a mouse in the apartment?
|
This just happened, and I’m being yelled at for it, just wanna check in with y’all.
I live in a major city in an apartment...I go off to a friends house up the street and get a frantic call from my roommate who is hollering and having damn near a panic attack about a mouse in the apartment (First one I ever heard of in the apartment). I stay on the phone with her to understand what is going on, basically the mouse was running around the house and it kept going in her direction. She got scared, but managed to trap it under a piece of Tupperware on the floor with a shoe on top. I told her that she had a few options...throw it out the window, put it in the trash, or take it outside and let it go in the park across the street.
She seemed to calm down so I let her go and came home about an hour later. I walk in and she is laying on the couch and just points at where the mouse STILL is over an hour later. There were no air holes poked in the Tupperware, nothing had been done at all. I proceeded to get a bit frustrated and put my shoes back on to deal with it, saying in an exasperated tone “you didn’t deal with it?!” Which agitated her greatly. I took the mouse outside and let it into the park.
In my mind, she scared the ever loving shit out of a defenseless animal, and deprived it of oxygen for no reason other than her inability to acknowledge that she could kill this creature without even a thought. She could have dealt with this animal in any way other than leaving it to die where it was. She said she was going to deal with it whenever she left to go to the gym, and needed time to not think about it. She also kept harping on about “What if there are more!!?” To which I responded “It’s a city!! There are DEFINITELY more.” She’s now furious with me because I brought up that I want to be able to trust her to deal with problems in the house when I’m not there, and now she’s not talking to me.
Am I just being insensitive to someone being more afraid of a mouse than I am? Or is this something that should be easily handled without dramatics and a whole argument?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
PuY4g9DEZQe46Lz9t0FqHecAq7YjtEOM
|
auoiv5
|
{
"description": "wanting my current roommate to help with debt I accumulated because he was late on moving in be a few months",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting my current roommate to help with debt I accumulated because he was late on moving in be a few months.
|
For starters I broke up with my ex early last year. We agreed to replace him on the lease so he could leave, and I could have his portion of rent covered. I do not make enough to cover the expenses alone. I work full time without much downtime. This was supposed to be a two month arrangement. My friend agrees to be my future roommate but he quits his job where he is at (a state away) because he cannot stand it. Ok so he continues to struggle to get a job there. It takes so long I ask my ex to delay moving out and thankfully he agrees.
However after a month and a half past the two month agreement, I didn't feel right asking him to stay any longer. My new roommate still cannot get a job. He says he's trying but I had/have my doubts. I have to pay all the expenses for two months. Then he moves up with money from his parents with still no job. It takes him another month to get hired and I'm still paying for everything during that time. He does help clean up and stuff during this time at least. This all put me back a couple thousand dollars which the interest is killing me even today.
I've never been in debt before. He agrees to help pay off some of my debt. Great. He starts paying about half the average rent and expenses great even helps out buying groceries often. However I'm really struggling due to this debt. I asked him for about $300 to help me catch up on debt. He didn't want to and begrudgingly gave me $200 and told me it's a "one time thing" and "I'm only doing this to be nice" and I felt really bad. It's been several months since then and I haven't asked again but I'm not making progress paying off that debt.
AITA I'd I ask for money to help pay that debt off which only occurred because he took far longer than we agreed to move in?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
|
r5RBiwE7yMi6KJjTnmFOhSh5Yn5MKMZ6
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arhcyy
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{
"description": "telling a girl that likes me that I'm interested her friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for telling a girl that likes me that I’m interested her friend?
|
So this girl has been making it pretty obvious that she’s into me but I don’t feel the same way towards her. Would I be the asshole if I told her that I think her friend is pretty? I feel like I would be but I just wanted to get a second opinion.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "quitting on my boss when the job made me miserable and she was a huge part of it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for quitting on my boss when the job made me miserable and she was a huge part of it
|
Today, after months of actually wanting to leave, quit on my boss. I worked at a franchised liquor store, working part time but eventually became full time because my boss wanted it that way. I went from working weekends to 5 sometimes 6 days a week. I worked two jobs, one there at the store, another working for my mom taking care of her, she's a 350 pound bed ridden woman, she can't do anything, I do get paid for it by a third part program that pays me to take care of my mom, similar to a home health aide. I get no sleep because my mom's ethics are.. off, she doesn't allow me to sleep for very long, I usually wake up to my name being screamed throughout the house, it's become a psychological thing where the sound of my name makes me angry. She takes advantage of me, to put it short. My job at the liquor store was great until my boss changed my schedule, without asking me if it was okay to change, me, being the guy that I am, I'm more prone to just keeping quiet and accepting the change rather than argue about it, my part time, weekend only job turned into a full time job, on top of taking care of my mom, I never got proper sleep, and my boss would blame all the mistakes done in the store on me, I was her scapegoat. The store made me miserable, I hated being there and always told myself I would never stay at a job I hated yet I did, for some reason. Long story short, a few hours ago I told her I was done, I respect her as a boss and I appreciated the time she gave me there but I couldn't do it anymore, the job made me absolutely miserable, I have my mom to take care of, a baby on the way, and roughly 30 animals to take care of, they're all my responsibility. This job killed my enthusiasm, killed me inside. The way my boss treated me was beyond anything I accepted, she treated me like dirt, as she did any of the guys who worked there. Only the guys but I was her favorite to fuck with, I never stood up for myself until I quit. Am I an asshole for just quitting on her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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amxeaq
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{
"description": "humiliating my little brother online when he continuously tries to pull the same thing to me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for humiliating my little brother online when he continuously tries to pull the same thing to me.
|
Sometimes my little brother would say into my mic over discord stuff to try to embarrass me that are untrue. I don’t get particularly mad at him when he does it to me so I thought he would also think the same when I do it to him. So over his mic in fortnite I said “STOP RUNNING AROUND THE HOUSE NAKED” and he burst into tears. Am I the asshole for making him cry?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
q628YrbLGL0VYphho0BYUEUa7S25dDls
|
atav2o
|
{
"description": "not telling my teacher about a question she missed while grading my test",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not telling my teacher about a question she missed while grading my test?
|
This happened earlier today. I was taking a Spanish test and there was a word I had to translate from Spanish to English. I couldn't remember the word so I skipped over it thinking one missed answer won't ruin the test. I finished a few minutes later and handed it in, but after I got it back graded I had 43/45 questions answered correctly. I was confused because I know there were three I got wrong. I skimmed through it and it turns out that the question I left alone got skimmed over. It was on the very top of the paper so I can only assume they missed it. I debated on telling the teacher but decided against it. So am I the asshole for not speaking up about her mistake?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
c6kW4JXR64OGydlfM29sjc50ONDcThTs
|
anmgrs
|
{
"description": "not wanting to work together with someone going through mental issues",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting to work together with someone going through mental issues?
|
I'm a lawyer that works at a small law firm (<10 lawyers, couple paralegals, couple accountants.) Because we're so small most of us are acquaintances if not good friends.
One of our guys, let's call him John, has a myriad of mental disorders ranging from schizophrenia to depression and sometimes doesn't show up for weeks at a time due to his mental health. Everyone more or less deals with his absence because one, he's one of the joint owners, and two, know him. Personally, I went to law school with him and would consider myself good friends with him. The issues didn't appear (or didn't get diagnosed) till he graduated.
A couple days back we got a massive immigration case involving an entire family. Normally, we all work separate cases but because of how much work there is this time the other joint owners have decided that me and John would work together on the case and split the money.
Now, John has just come back from his longest absence yet, almost two months. I don't think he's ready mentally to work on such a big case. He seems extra out of it this time and I would know because I've known him a very long time. He's unfocused and is borderline apathetic to everything.
I don't want to work with him in this state as I would do most of the work as John doesn't seem to be able to, or want to do any of it. Also I feel there's a risk that John would break down again halfway which would be even worse than going solo.
I raised this issue at our last meeting and everyone seems to think I was being a dick to John. John himself seems really shocked and hasn't talked to me since.
Was I being the asshole and should I apologize?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
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a5n4qi
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{
"description": "getting (internally) upset that my new ladyfriend (1 month) told me she doesnt want to go out on friday and just wants to stay in an fuck",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For getting (internally) upset that my new ladyfriend (1 month) told me she doesnt want to go out on friday and just wants to stay in an fuck?
|
Yeah Yeah Yeah, I know. But we've been going out for 4 weeks and she is at least two points out of my league. Things have been going stellar. We had a big heart-to-heart that seemed to sweep away lot of the messy initial dating debris and all was sexy sweet. Just before she left tonight, she said she doesn't want to go out to the club on friday and just wants to stay in an fuck. This struck me unexpectedly cold. BTW Our sex has been amazing.
I have been enjoying getting close to her (It felt mutual) and exploring each other physically and mentally. Going to this club was a end of year blow-off and would involved a wonderful mix of dancing, drugs and intimacy. I dont really give THAT much of a fuck, but it did feel to me part of a formative process.
AITA for feeling insecure?
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
2fN4FDTWDlZvTvMqms9lTuEobYZ3IC2R
|
av61wr
|
{
"description": "road raging",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for road raging?
|
I moved to a new house on a street that is used as a shortcut to the freeway. Its an old and low income neighborhood and its pretty obvious when people actually live here or are just driving through. There are 3 parks and an elementary school within 200 yards of my house, so there's a lot of foot traffic (dog walkers, joggers, cyclists, kids walking to school).
The fact that its a shortcut to the freeway means that we get a LOT of traffic coming through and people drive pretty quickly through the neighborhood. I understand going 5 over, but its common to see cars going 45mph with a limit of 30. I've had people road rage on me while i ride my bike, I even have people use the wrong lane to pass me when I'm in my car.
I've gotten tired of these people abusing our neighborhood and endangering people that live here. I recently started purposely driving 5mph under the limit within neighborhood limits (so 25mph). I also take my sweet ass time pulling out and into my driveway to make people have to slow down a little. I do a full stop at stop signs and wait a few seconds before continuing even when its clear. When turning left, I am extra cautious and wait till its completely clear before beginning my turn. I do this 1. To hopefully remind the shortcut people that this is a neighborhood and they need to drive carefully 2. To hopefully make people rethink using this street as a shortcut and 3. Because I LOVE to see these people flip out in my rearview mirror when all I'm doing is driving cautiously. AITA for roadraging back?
My most recent incident was yesterday. I was leaving for work and began to pull out of my driveway. I noticed a truck further down the street that was driving noticeably over the limit so i made sure i took my time to reverse out of my drive, come to a stop, switch gears, and calmly speed up to 25mph. The way I did this meant that the truck behind me needed to slow down to about 15 mph while i finished. He then proceeded to tailgate me the entire way up the road while flashing his highbeams. When we came to the stop sign, he switched to the opposite lane and ran it before i could even come to a stop.
I know that this can also be considered road rage. Yes, I know that i can petition the city to install speed bumps. A neighbor tried that process but failed because we didn't meet minimum traffic requirements. They just lowered the minimum and I think we can easily get it, but I have to wait till next year before we can apply again.
There are 2 ways I've thought about this behavior. One is that I'm just following the rules and hopefully slowing other people down in the process in a 'malicious compliance' type deal. The other is that I'm going out of my way to antagonize these people who are just trying to go about their day, and possibly even angering them to the point where they drive even more aggressively (like with the truck).
AITA for passive aggressively road raging?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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RIGHT
|
rpuEkFuivDkGABoMHMFlT5nyWfIQJ8Uj
|
acxic7
|
{
"description": "not wanting to sleep at my girlfriend's house",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
Aita for not wanting to sleep at my girlfriend's house
|
Okay, so I stay at my girlfriend's house 2-3 nights a week, it was fine at first. The issue is she has 2 cats that have no boundaries and do not listen at all. I wake up at minimum 3-4 times a night with a cat literally on my face, sneezing on my face, or digging it's claws into part of me.
We can't lock the cats out of the room because they will tear apart the carpet, they don't listen, if I put them off the bed they hop right back on. I tried voicing my concerns to her but was told "it's their bed, what do you expect". I have two dogs and have trained them to listen and to stay off things they don't belong on, that's what I expect.
Everytime I sleep there I wake up pissed off because my sleep was interrupted multiple times, she gets pissed at me being grumpy and gets even more pissed off when I say something because "I'm insulting her babies"
She makes it out as me being a jackass for not being okay with this but I don't think a reasonable person should be okay with it.
Opinions? Aita???
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
9UP3ixcApm08Xper5ef243wvjpqljjHG
|
a07rvh
|
{
"description": "not going to the hospital with my mum",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not going to the hospital with my mum ?
|
So a couple days ago my mother complained about severe pain in her side out of no where so we called an ambulance and I spent 6 hours in the a e with her for them to find nothing. Here's some laxatives hope you feel better. 2 days later today she called me that she wanted to go to another hopsital further away in the main city about an hour away cause she's in pain again.
I told her look I went with you last time and to go with my father and if you need me to translate just call me. You could tell she was pissed and my family was pissed but last time I went I didn't complain once while I was there and my father was comfortably sleeping
I should also add I have my own problems and I'm currently with my girlfriend who just had a seizure this morning so I'm taking care of her. I also suffer with chronic stomach problems which means if I'm stressed like I am right now cause my girlfriend just had a seizure in my arms im in quite a lot of pain my self.
I should also add I'm pissed off cause we emigrated from a non English speaking country to England about 9 years ago and none of my family but my little brother knows english meaning since the age of 10 I've been dragged everywhere and had to translate everything and frankly I'm just tired of that.
Am I the asshole in this situation guys ?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
CmDA8BKVT0apDNPsLfM6RWggpfCF5x9K
|
b5bkba
|
{
"description": "telling him that I thought the people at his church were really weird",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling him that I thought the people at his church were really weird?
|
I’m not religious. My family is Catholic and when I was little we would sometimes go to church, but eventually we just stopped. All I remember is a lot of standing, then kneeling, then sitting, and basically just repeating that. When my boyfriend asked me to come with him to his church I figured why not, it couldn’t be that much different.
The church was really small and not so much a church as just a regular looking building that they used as a church. I’d say there was maybe like ten people there give or take a few. It started out fine. It was really like my experiences with church, there wasn’t the kneeling thing. The pastor just read from the Bible and explained what it meant in more detail, it was actually kinda interesting.
Then came the music part. During that is when people started acting crazy. Not all of them, but the majority started speaking total gibberish. Not just a word here or there, like all through out the songs. My bf wasn’t, but he wasn’t fazed by it at all.
After church my bf asked me what I thought. I told him I liked the Bible explaining part, but the music part was crazy. That the people speaking gibberish were really weird. He just said it wasn’t weird and it’s shitty of me to judge people who welcomed me. I didn’t want it to turn into a fight, but I mean it is pretty weird to be swaying back and forth talking in complete gibberish for an extended period of time. I feel like it’s not even a debatable kind of thing.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
kOBBaFTNsflJR5rRmfSvOCo1UyI61eo1
|
ad9rc7
|
{
"description": "thinking my flatmate is a spoiled brat that's way too attached to her mother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking my flatmate is a spoiled brat that's way too attached to her mother?
|
Not sure if this is the correct place to post, if not please give me directions.
I share a flat with three other people. I want to talk about one of my flatmates.
I don't want to sound mean about it, but she seems like a spoiled, privileged kid. During the start of out rent, when everybody moved in, I already knew this girl was something else, literally nothing you told her would impress or interest her (she even admitted it herself that nothing satisfies her), then she'd tell you with how bad she was treated by her ex, and all that. Every time something goes not her way in the flat (fe. somebody leaves their laundry on until 10 PM), she would rage because she needs to sleep, even despite the fact that she goes to sleep way past midnight. She's not doing her house chores; we've got a system in which every person does all the cleaning chores weekly to make stuff even, everybody minds their own business in the other aspects. This did not take long enough for us and pretty much everyone on the flat to stop talking to her.
I think it's important to add this to context, so I'll state it: I am a young adult that moved out on his own in order to cut out from his toxic family. I've never felt loved or taken care of, I'm also a youth mistake. I recently cut off my family because they're alcoholics and they don't want to change themselves, even though I told them multiple times this is a problem (one of my highschool teachers told me she came to a parent's meeting kinda drunk one day, which made me kinda die inside).
So here's the thing. I hear her talk over the phone with her mother daily. I don't want to sound like a stalker, but it's hard not to hear when you're in the kitchen preparing food. She would talk about all that's happened during her day, and what not. I have no idea why, but it just pisses me off being around this.
AITA for feeling that way about her? Is she genuinely a pretty mediocre person, or do I project some of my own insecuries on her in a way I don't realize? I also feel like an asshole for giving a fuck way much than I should, and I should mind my own business.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
7UUqWa16mG84e4F81ottr0sQRheW3KLh
|
afqxk0
|
{
"description": "getting in a fight with my Ex-best friend because he was self harming himself over my Ex-girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For getting in a fight with my Ex-best friend because he was self harming himself over my Ex-girlfriend
|
Bit of background
My friend, lets call him Jamal, had just moved to town and within this year of school we quickly became very good friends.
around a month after i met him me and my serious girlfriend of nearly a year had broken up. Me and her had a semi toxic relationship but we were still very good friends during and after the relationship and continued to have an on again off again relationship for the year or 2 after our breakup. she could be manipulative but was all around a nice and thoughtful girl. When we broke up she and her friend brayden got together and cheated behind her female best friends back (was currently date brayden).
after that situation was dealt with she and another guy called tyson started dating. at the same time my friend Jamal had fallen in love with her (my ex girlfriend). I was not opposed and i was fine with it. He would talk about how he would seriously harm himself anytime that she talked about her new boyfriend around him and i was very concerned for him
He was harming himself more and more frequently and i felt i needed to put an end to it. She is experienced with self harm herself and i told her to refrain from talking about her and her new boyfriend and to lookout for him. He stopped self harming and the situation was resolved or i so thought. It could've been seen that i did it out of jealousy but i was not worried about this because i knew she didnt like him back and i wanted what is best for her and her new boyfriend.
2 months later Jamal found out i had talked with her through my friend nate and he went off the rails. Started trash talking me to everyone and saying he wants to fight me. tensions were high he was jeopardizing relationships with me and the rest of my friends and in my eyes i was helping him even if it could have been seen as a betrayal of his trust. The fight was hyped up throughout the school and i was taken to the principals office and locked there until i agreed i wouldn't fight. I left and went to the fight anyways as lots of my peers had my back and it turned into a situation where other people who were at odds were backing one of us in the fight because of their personal beefs with eachother. i showed up to the fight and we got ready. i had a last minute change of heart and didnt fight back because i was still upset that my best friend was mad at me and i wanted to mend things. He didnt see it the same way and he fought me while i only defended myself. He since moved away and we havent talked since other than hearing about him talking bad about me to mutual friends.
i stand by everything i did and i feel like i handled it with the best grace that i could but it could be seen that i betrayed his trust
sorry for grammar i was typing fast
Am i the asshole? ask any questions needed.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
k041fGp4ELlRUWQrZNKwrurrheKyVB0r
|
b8bhac
|
{
"description": "ignoring my dad all day after he made an offensive joke",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for ignoring my dad all day after he made an offensive joke?
|
This morning, as I was getting ready to head to school, I was in a rush to pack everything up and make it on time. Computer, notebook, iPad, everything.
As I was headed for the door my mother asked me if I had everything, and listed off the things I needed, to which I replied “yes” to all of them.
Then as I turned to leave, that was when my dad made a joke about school shootings that I found hurtful. He asked “Did you pack your gun?”
I turned back at him, said nothing, and gave him a look of disgust as a proceeded to storm out of the house into the garage to get into my car. My mom asked why I didn’t say goodbye to dad before I left, and I told her why, that he asked if I had a gun with me and I didn’t take it lightly as a school shooting joke.
So after she heard that, she went back into the house and yelled at dad for doing that, and when she came back she told me that my dad had not replied anything when she yelled at him, probably out of embarrassment. We proceeded on our daily routine, I headed to school and the day went like any other.
When I got back home, I was still pissed at my dad for making a joke about school shootings when I almost went through one myself, no joke. The day after the events at MSD, I had to hide in a dark locker room for 1 and 1/2 hours not knowing if I was going to die or not, when it was in fact a false alarm where a cop’s pistol went off accidentally.
Nonetheless as I entered the house I avoided him and got right to my homework. Everything went well for me, and he in fact ignored me too. He sent a text as I got home to try and get my attention but I ignored that too. When dinner came we sat next to each other at the table and I didn’t say a word to him or even look at him since what he did made me uncomfortable being around him.
And so today I pretty much went all day without talking to my dad because of that joke he made.
I feel like I may have overreacted and I could have done something else, but I felt that I was just too hurt and offended to be around my dad after what happened.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
cxMPJdpjCt6LTg5pEX8BMXDf3paNA1ot
|
au2l1r
|
{
"description": "unexpectedly quitting job post-baby and being pissed that husband never helps",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for unexpectedly quitting job post-baby and being pissed that husband never helps?
|
AITA for not returning to work after maternity leave despite planning to and leaving my husband to be sole provider unexpectedly?
I have fairly severe postpartum depression and anxiety that I can’t afford treatment for (I could if I went to work, but my symptoms would be 10x worse, so I can’t win there...). My husband said he would be cool with me staying home and caring for baby but he would have to get a second job to make up for lost income. Therefore, he couldn’t help with the house or baby as much. I agreed on these terms and said I would do the majority of baby and housework I possibly could due to my appreciation of him not getting pissed at me for unexpectedly quitting my job and offering to let me stay with baby.
Made perfect sense to me, except now he never got the second job because “he was too stressed and tired”. So the income situation got worse, which made him more stressed out, and now I feel like there’s no reason I should have to do all the work by myself. But he disagrees. He says he is exhausted from work and having to get up early and “works his ass off so we don’t go further into debt.” I know he probably is legitimately stressed out of his mind so I feel terrible but also...seriously? I didn’t agree to the terms of him working a normal full-time job and then NEVER helping with the baby. The agreement in the first place was that I did majority of the work, not all of it. Now I’m just confused and hurt that all he wants to do after work is play video games and avoid caring for this baby I thought he wanted just as bad as me....
TLDR I unexpectedly left my husband to solely provide for me and new baby, agreeing to take on majority of household responsibilities but now he literally does nothing. Am I the asshole for blindsiding him with cutting our income in half and adding the extra stress in the first place?
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"description": "canceling a casual plan at 7 after finding out they had separate plans at 830",
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AITA for canceling a casual plan at 7 after finding out they had separate plans at 830?
|
For fairness' sake I'll give their perspective first:
- They had 830 plans but still wanted to hang out.
- They wanted to start earlier than usual to give everyone a good chunk of time.
- They said they were available "early evening-ish" and solidified the plan at 530
- Their friends weren't ready until 7. Then they canceled because there wasn't enough time left. How inconsiderate of them.
Now here are the other details:
- They did not tell us there were 830 plans, and there was no way for us to know about them.
- They did not tell us that the confirmation (530) was also the intended start time. It's earlier than usual.
- We communicated every step of our process. Finishing a show, working out, showering, etc.
Im struggling to see how this isn't their own fault.
If I knew about the 830 plan, I wouldn't have agreed in the first place. And if I did, I would have gotten there faster
If I hadn't found out about the 830 plan, we would have driven over, got settled in, and kicked out soon within an hour. That seems just a smidge more inconsiderate than showing up at 7 on a Saturday.
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"description": "neglecting to help my girlfriend with her mental health issues in order to stop triggering my own mental health issues",
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AITA for neglecting to help my girlfriend with her mental health issues in order to stop triggering my own mental health issues?
|
My girlfriend has severe anxiety and its causing serious strain on my mental health. I suffer from depression and bipolar and am subject to episodes regularly. Recently she's started questioning if I still love her due to her anxiety and its really straining, it hurts a lot when she questions how I feel. Her questioning is becoming kind of self fulfilling because the more she asks the more it pushes me away. She's asked me to be more supportive which I try to be but within the next hour she's back to asking if I still love her. I've recently decided to be blunt with how I feel to try get her to realise what's happening but it's just come off as me not supporting her through her issues. I can't take it much longer because I've been thrown into the deep end of depressive episodes due to her anxiety and its taking a toll on our relationship.
AITA for ignoring her issues to avoid triggering another episode?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "not being annoyed about my parents not traveling halfway across the United States for my daughter's 1st birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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AITA for not being annoyed about my parents not traveling halfway across the United States for my daughter's 1st birthday?
|
From the top...Wife has scheduled the birthday party for memorial weekend (to provide for more time together, especially for those that have to travel). Incidentally parents are leaving for vacation to Italy, first time to Europe/out of country, the following weekend. Which they have been planning for probably 6+ months now.
In my wife's defense she claims there are undertones of not showing up for things. I would argue it goes both ways. We used my (and some of my mom's) airline points to fly mom and grandma into town for our baby shower. We ended up not heading down (5 hours drive) for brothers graduation (wife was 8 months pregnant) where whole family (my side) was present. We did travel down the previous weekend for her sisters baby shower.
The next bit is important, for context as it puts more importance upon every baby related event. Dad missed still born birth of first child, albeit I believe he was going to come down for a funeral service because he wanted to be there for that, which didn't end up happening. This is the one that really sets the undertone as my wife believes dad will fully missed, where as I believe it to be a miscommunication to our plans to remember. Doesn't help that we've never talked about it.
Am I the asshole for not being annoyed, and conciquently not sticking up for my family, with my parents for not being able to make it to said birthday party?
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{
"description": "complaining about the music that students play in the bus",
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AITA for complaining about the music that students play in the bus?
|
Here's some context.
The university I attend provides transportation services for students who are interested. So, the students in my bus play loud music on the bus speakers, everyday during mornings and evenings. When one student gets off, the other uses the aux cord, and when that person gets off, the next student takes it. And the cycle continues till everyone gets off which is to the second to last person (I get dropped off last and picked up first).
When I told the student who plays music to turn it down a little, she told me to plug my ears with cotton, I didn't say anything then because she a year ahead of me and it would be disrespectful (it's a huge thing in my country). And other one does lower the volume but she is only one of many (around +5 students who play music).
So a few days ago, I complained about it to transport service head, and he said he would take care of it. And then they weren't allowed to play anymore. But now the students are writing applications to the transport head and the advisory to get permission.
Keep in mind that I am perhaps the only person who objects to this. They don't know that I'm the one filed the complaint.
Today, a 4th year student said that she would appeal to the advisory to get permission and I am thinking about countering it when she eventually does.
AITA for doing what I'm doing? Even if I'm just one person, I think my choice should also be taken into account. I already told them that I object to this behaviour and that if anyone wants to listen to music that badly, then they should bring their earphones but they hell bent on playing music on the speakers.
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b4t43q
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"description": "losing attraction",
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AITA for losing attraction?
|
Hi first post so sorry if I mess up but its 2am and this is bothering me.
I am 24(m) and I live with my gf (24) who is a wonderful woman who supports and cares me no matter what. We have been together for over 5 months and we even moved to Florida together. We are both just starting jobs and renting for now and we have our own goals and shared goals.
Now the issue is that I'm not the shallow type of person to judge a person on physical stature alone and from past experiences I've learned someone who loves and cares for you is more important than anything else. That's why when I met her I knew instantly I want to start a real relationship and we both felt the same way hence the move to Florida. However lately something has been bothering me during sex over last couple weeks. Now my gf is overweight but I never really cared as she goes to the gym with me and watches her intake like me. Yet I can't help but lose my erection earlier than I ever do in any time in my life during sex. I keep thinking about it but I think I'm turned off over her weight and its bothering me a lot. Like I'm not that simple minded but my body is acting otherwise and I feel like I'm about to ruin the best relationship I've ever had over something so stupid and I don't know if that's an asshole move from my end. I have thought about this for weeks and I honestly don't know. AITA?
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"description": "denying my classmate my phone charger",
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WIBTA if I denied my classmate my phone charger?
|
My phone battery is kinda old and it depletes quickly (and leaks a bit even when I'm not using it). Because of this, I bring my phone charger to school every day and charge it during math class (right after lunch). A few days ago I was doing this. My phone was on 58% and if I charged it now I would definitely get home with maybe 20%. We were having a test so I was just going to charge it by the wall. My classmate saw me with it and asked me if he could borrow it. He said he was on 34% and wanted to charge it. Not wanting conflict, I let him borrow it and said I would take it and charge my own phone after the test and for the rest of the class. He agreed. My phone died right before I got home, so whatever. WIBTA if I told him I needed to charge my own phone and did so for the whole period?
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AITA? Brother is bi-polar with anxiety but treats my sis (17) and me (21m) like shit.
|
*full disclosure my username is just a username, I’m not an actual douche*
So every time I (21m) come home from college, my brother (22m) verbally attacks my sister (17) and me. I can only assume he berated my sister 24/7 while I’m not there as well. He has some mental problems (disclosed in the title) that extend into our family’s social dialogue. Tonight, he went after my sister hard at the dinner table with our entire extend family there. He called her a “weed smoking no good slut with no future except strip clubs.” A little back story, my sister is a senior in high school and just got into her third school so far (it’s an SEC school but none the least she put her heart into her last two years of high school and scraped out a good enough gpa to get into college). Yeah she smokes weed and yeah she’s a social person but she’s genuinely my best friend and the sweetest person who has ever graced this Earth.
Anyways, my brother carried on with these aggressive and mean comments the entire night so I went up to him and said to him “if you talk to her like that one more time I will literally beat the shit out of you” and that shut him up for a little.
Once the parents were doing their separate thing after dinner, my brother started talking shit again. This is where things went down hill. One thing led to another and yeah, I beat the shit out of him. Do I feel bad about it? No. I do I feel bad that my parents feel bad about it? Yes, but honestly I’m categorizing it as collateral damage because I’m the golden child in my parents eyes and they’ll get over it.
My brother has been a nasty human being for 10 years now (I know some people might bring up the case of him not being able to control his emotions and what not) but I am so tired of my sister falling asleep in my arms because of something my brother said to her.
My sister is off to college soon and I don’t know how she’s supposed to feel any kind of confidence about herself with my brother treating her like trash. I lost control and I’ve never been physical with my brother before because I’ve been able to hold my own but it felt so good to beat the fuck out of him.
I know him being bi-polar causes him a lot of mood swings and what not but as Pete Davidson said, “being mentally ill is not an excuse to be an asshole.”
Is being mentally ill and excuse and am I the asshole?
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a6w292
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{
"description": "not getting out of my car for deliveries",
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AITA for not getting out of my car for deliveries?
|
So the deal is, part of my living arrangement is I get a discount on rent if I agree to work part-time (10-12hrs/wk) for my roommate's delivery business. This wasn't a spectacular deal for me, but I was desperate to find a place and it was this or live out of my car. I DO get paid about $4 per delivery, and am allowed to keep and tips received (not that anyone tips in this college town. Maybe 1 in 10.) My main problems are:
I am partially disabled after a motorcycle accident. I had no insurance, could not afford treatment or rehab and have had pain and difficulty with an ankle and hip ever since. Constantly hopping in and out of my car to grab orders and walk to people's doors or dorms in sub-freezing weather makes my life unbearable. As in, unable to walk upstairs at home to the only bathroom, or sleep normally. The roommate knows this.
The other problem is that when I'm doing deliveries, I can't work (I rideshare fulltime) because instead of doing a day or two of solid delivery work or a couple hours a day throughout the week, he spaces out the deliveries, changes the schedule multiple times every. Single. Day. so I'm working for him 25-35hrs/we instead, and I can't accept uber fares on the chance I get a long ride or he scolds me for "ruining his business". Of which he has 3. Three business he is running (poorly) all at once.
TL;DR: I'm forced to deliver food with chronic pain/mobility issues, so I avoid getting out of my car and make customers come to me, in attempts to keep pain manageable. I can't afford to move, or I would in a heartbeat. AITA?
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aos3qo
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"description": "wanting reciprocity",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
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AITA for wanting reciprocity?
|
So a little backstory. I’ve been dating this girl for about 5 months now. Everything was going well until about a week ago. Last week we had a date and everything seemed perfect until I arrived home from the date. That night she said that she was tired of me being “helpless and indecisive” and that she needed time to consider our relationship, but in my defense I’m currently living in a foreign country and am still relatively new to the country. I agree that it would be best for her to think the relationship over and give her time to think. A few days go by and we end up speaking again and get back together.
One thing to add about my girlfriend is that she wants regular updates — at one point she got angry because I hadn’t updated her to let her know that I was busy.
Just yesterday we say ‘good morning’ to each other, something that we do regularly, and I ask her how her day was going. It wouldn’t have bothered me had she explained that she were busy, but she left me on seen for 10 hours, until she finally responded with a single-word response. I am normally a level-headed guy, but this got me a bit annoyed. I asked her why she couldn’t give me an update after she had gotten angry at me for the same exact reason, but this only got her angry, saying that she was busy and couldn’t respond. Also to note, I had seen that she was active on/off messenger throughout the day. I was just asking for some reciprocity, just a simple update. I would have understood completely if she were busy, I just wanted as little as a, “Sorry, busy rn.”
The relationship is even more strained after what happened and might end in breakup. I feel a little guilty because maybe she was just stressed out and I only added to her stress and possibly at a time where she might have needed my support. So AITA for wanting reciprocity in the relationship?
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"description": "getting revenge on a girl who robbed me",
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AITA for getting revenge on a girl who robbed me? (Xposted from other AITA)
|
Sorry for the wall of text. This turned into a bit of a rant...
I’m a person with typically no drama in my life so this whole situation was an out of this world experience for me. I (28f) have been friends with Slim (35m) for over a year now. He sells drugs low key (Ike 3 customers) and I never really cared cos he was fun to talk to, always surprised me with his intellect, and we just had fun times together. I knew he had a gf named Hops (20f) when I first met him.
He and I first connected because he was in a relationship with a junkie and I had just gotten out of one so needless to say I had a lot of solid advice that I wish I had known sooner and hearing about my failed methods seemed to really give him perspective. This developed into a strong friendship and although he sometimes got a little too close I never went there because of his relationship and my lack of attraction.
Long story short, their relationship went from trying to work things out to - broken up then back together for a day and broken up again etc. I only met Hops once or twice and even she told me she was leaving him the next week. So one night he and I took a popular club drug and ended up doing the deed. I didn’t feel guilty cos they weren’t together. the drug made me horny, and you skip the awkwardness when you fuck a friend.
Months go by during which they are mostly broken up and she is moving out but as these things go, they end up together again. Slim and I remained good friends and Hops knew I was a friend and thought I was a customer. I never wanted this girl at my home but Slim talked me into it one night. Saturday before Halloween. Three of us were partying pretty hard and planning to go out once dressed. Hops offered to do my costume makeup. During this time I got REALLY fucked up and ended up passing out in her lap.
I woke up at 3am with my phone missing, work laptop, engagement ring, and other valuables. And my dog howling to be let in as she had been let out on a dangerous street. No word from the perps for 12 hours. Finally Slim contacts me. Apparently Hops broke into my phone and spend hours going through my messages. She found maybe 3 sexual ones from months ago but she also found some shitty stuff Slim said about her like he wanted to get her to pass out so she wouldn’t bother us (I never replied to those kind of comments cos WTF?!) In her (righteous) hurt and anger, she started going through my belongings. Slim tried to stop her but she said it’s either that or she pummels me in my unconscious state. He said he watched everything she took and made sure it ended up only in his trunk and then His storage unit so he could return it to me.
He told me she was hurt and I should take it easy. Being someone who was cheated on, I decided to oblige. He ended up bringing back a lot of my stuff (work laptop was vital) and I talked to her for 5 hours instead of sleeping. She claimed if I answered her questions I’d have my stuff back. I asked if she had my things and she lied and said she did then got hostile when I asked for proof.
Anyways, my point was that I was as nice and understanding to her as possible considering the situation and I felt and still feel like a shit human even though I don’t feel I did anything morally wrong. Here’s where i decided to be an asshole. She left her makeup bag and a go pro during her get away. I planned to give it back but never offered and was eventually asked (begged) by Slim to do it because it was her bday.
I couldn’t just give it back however. So I mixed some rancid shit together (piss, toilet water, dog shit, drain cleaner) and dipped every brush and painted it on every item of makeup. Then I took apart the go pro and disconnected some cable so it didn’t work but wasn’t technically broken either. The makeup thing is gross af but it made me feel good knowing she is putting this on her face.
I felt like she deserved it because of how she acted... that victim woe is me mentality. When I was in her shoes (mind you my husband had a year long affair so my shoes were much worse) I still had the sense to take some responsibility. So did my husband. His mistress acted just like Hops did, like she did nothing wrong and deserved all the sympathy.
This girl violated me and I say with complete seriousness that I would rather relive my rape than that Halloween night. I know I’m an asshole for what I did. I guess am I THE asshole?
TLDR: girl violated me by robbing me in my sleep after I opened up and was vulnerable to her. To retaliate I drowned her makeup in piss and shit.
Also, how would this story fare in pro revenge? Worried they’ll hate on me there but I am still proud of my revenge despite feeling sympathy for the girl and remorse for how the situation went down.
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agjasr
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"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend of 10 months",
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|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend of 10 months
|
Tldr : broke up with a rebound that helped me through a rough time in my life with the reason “romantic feelings are gone”.
The relationship started out in March and to be honest it was kind of a rebound. My dad passed away November and my girlfriend (ldr) at that time broke up with me on New Year’s Eve. Pretty devastated and just moving into a new city I was really just lookin for someone to help me out. I guess I did kind of finesse her into the relationship but there definitely was romantic feelings.
Few months have passed and it’s become a very “comfortable” (or boring) relationship and it’s just not what I had pictured. I’ve mentioned this about a month ago that my feelings were starting to fade and that I thought it was unfair of me to continue on. She convinced me that I was only having a phase (as you do). It never really changed back though, the romantic feeling were gone.
Last night she asked me again how I felt about this whole relationship and I told her that it hasn’t gotten better but probably a bit worse (feeling wise). Then she asked me if I still wanted to be in a relationship and this is what I answered “you’re really important to me and I don’t want to hurt your feelings but if we were to stay together I would only be doing it for you” I know I should have just been straight up with her but I’m a sucker for tears and she really is important to me she did help me through a very rough time. She said I was her first true love and that kind of just made it all worse.
I can’t help but feel guilty for hurting her as it probably seemed kind of out of the blue from her perspective. And im a real sucker for tears so it’d be nice to get a second opinion.
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b7jpdb
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"description": "getting upset at my boyfriend for telling his parents I'm a heroin addict",
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|
AITA for getting upset at my boyfriend for telling his parents I'm a heroin addict?
|
A few months ago, I was admitted to hospital after a suspected overdose, which I can't remember. I do know that on this night, I tried a new medication (a non-benzodiazepine) for sleep and, according to some message logs, I redosed with this medication for some reason. The first thing I remember after this was waking up in the mental health unit of the hospital. A lot of stupid stuff happened while I was at the hospital, involving privacy breaches and highly unprofessional behaviour on the part of the doctors, which lead me to apply for my records.
Now, to be clear, though I have tried heroin in the past, I was never a daily user and never had withdrawals. Plus I had stopped by the time this happened. In the records, it said that I had been calling out for help which lead to someone coming to my room and calling the ambulance. No blood tests for the presence of any drugs was taken, and I the only thing that could indicate I was possibly overdosing was the fact that I was "difficult to rouse" which is very likely due to the fact that I had taken sleeping medication.
I do not believe that it makes sense for me to be calling out for help outside of the context of some kind of psychotic episode that resulted from the new medication. This is simply contradictory to what a heroin overdose involves (you pass out without realising what happened about 30 seconds after you take it).
Of course, whether I actually did overdose or not, the hospital told my boyfriend that I was there for that reason. He recently told me that he called his family because he didn't know what to do (this doesn't make much sense to me because what can they tell him that he doesn't already know?) and now his family thinks I'm a fuckup and a bad influence. I feel like I've lost any hance I had at making a good impression on his family.
I had previously made it very clear to him that I did not want anyone to find out about my drug use, so he knowingly went against my wishes in telling them this. Obviously the stereotypes associated with addicts are horrible and harmful to me if people find out.
I got upset with my boyfriend about this but he got defensive, because he believed he was justified in telling them about it.
Extra note: I am not using heroin now, though they forced me onto suboxone after being in the hospital because they believed I would overdose "again" if they let me out eithout a treatment plan. I tapered off this and am not taking any opiates.
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ayza61
|
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"description": "telling my parents about fooling around with my step-sister over a will",
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|
WIBTA if I tell my parents about fooling around with my step-sister over a will?
|
My parents got divorced when I was very young. When I was 14 my dad got remarried to a woman with a daughter we’ll call Jane. Shortly after Jane and I had a brief physical relationship (yes, my step-sister). According to her we stopped fooling around because she turned 18 and I was still 15. Eventually I stopped speaking to my dad over his alcoholism and she moved back with her dad.
A few years ago, Jane got divorced from her first husband and moved back to where home. I live on the other side of the country now and had been married several years at this time. After a visit to see my parents where I saw Jane, we began talking through facebook more frequently. This led to us talking about long-held feelings and the possibility of me leaving wife and moving back home. I was still married and she had a serious boyfriend but I was miserable in my marriage for quite some time. After a few months, I had decided to leave my wife, but Jane decided to stay with her fiancé, Joe. I still left my wife a month later. Shortly after, Jane’s fiancé found the messages between us. They broke up, then reconciled, and he sent me a message to stay away from her or he would “hunt me down”. Our parents know about the breakup, they don’t know about the cause. A few months later, Jane and Joe broke up again, and Jane sent me a snapshot of a facebook message between Joe and my ex-wife offering to send her the messages between me and Jane to help her against me in my divorce. Jane went on to marry Joe.
I’m now remarried and have a new baby. Talking to my father over Christmas, he mentioned that he and my step-mom are having Joe, who has a law license, but doesn’t work as a lawyer regularly, write their will. Because of the past, I am concerned about this. I have tried getting my dad to use someone else without telling him why, and tried asking if I could see the finished product since I am listed as an executer on the will, but neither approach has worked. I now feel like I have to tell my dad and step-mom everything that happened between Jane and me in order to ensure that Jane’s husband cannot let his bias against me influence the will. However, I worry doing so would strain my father’s marriage, my step-mother’s relationship with Jane, and affect both parent’s relationship with Jane’s elementary-aged daughters. However, the amount of money I would get after their death would be enough to help significantly with my own child’s college tuition.
WIBTA here if I told my dad and step-mom about previous relationships with my step-sister in order to prevent her husband from writing their will, knowing full well that doing so may have serious implications for a number of relationships?
TLDR – I want to tell my dad and step-mom about past inappropriate relationships with my step-sister because they want to use her husband to write their will, and I’m afraid he has a bias against me. WIBTA?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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Qh9uOs9Dsb721KlGCbOA56zfB2mvtHch
|
ako2s5
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{
"description": "not wanting to be near my grandma's bf",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be near my grandma's Bf?
|
So my grandma's bf sucks. He constantly gets into fights with her, she asks for him to do anything and he groeans and moans. However he works and pays the bills (but he recently got fired for drinking on the job, although he got a new one within 3 weeks.) He and my mom got into a big ol fight over a year ago, on what i believe was a celebration party for passing (grade) with straight A's. She was being yelled at, he locked us outside the house, it just sucked.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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VuWE2QpwroSpT4htGINJiewU1u8T3fF0
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b0wzx4
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{
"description": "considering calling animal control on my neighbors",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for considering calling animal control on my neighbors?
|
I'm in my last semester at university and living in an off-campus apartment. My neighbors upstairs own a dog, even though it's not allowed in the bylaws, but I don't think the apartment management company really cares. I absolutely adore dogs, and don't want them to have to give up their dog. What I do want them to do is clean up their dog's mess.
It's been bitterly cold this past winter and I've seen my neighbors just leave their dog's droppings on the top of the snow. I figured it was because it's so cold and they're planning on cleaning up sometime when it's not as cold. Because it's beginning to thaw out, there's a fair amount of slush and water. Add to that the backlog of ..err logs, and you can see a slushy shitty situation. The droppings are getting soggy and making a gigantic disgusting mess.
I've tried catching them in person, but I almost never see them. When I do, they're usually in the middle of a heated argument and I really don't want to mess with that. I recently fired off an email to the company that manages my apartment complex. They said they will try calling my neighbors about it, and if nothing is resolved, for me to take it into my own hands and call animal control.
Am I the asshole for needing to call animal control because of some dog poop?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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4ZVkXjHBqHVEYcuRoxhHZqOCnA6fZErw
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axgoy4
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{
"description": "not stopping at an accident where a kid got hit",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not stopping at an accident where a kid got hit?
|
So some backstory about me:
I’m an 18 year old male living in Texas. I’m an Eagle Scout and active in martial arts. Both of these activities require me to know basic first aid and how to take control of a situation if need be.
The story:
The incident happened earlier today when I was picking up my younger brother from school. (Side note: I had the family dog in the car as well)
As I was leaving the neighborhood after picking my brother up I pulled up behind a car that was up on the curb with hazards on. They just crashed into a kid (I think middle school aged) and he was sitting on the ground just starring at the ground under the car. The woman driving came running out and a guy jumps out of his truck to go run over there as well.
As I was about to get out I hear sirens and a police car comes up right before I jump out to run over with my first aid kit.
After seeing the cop get out of her car I decide I’m not needed so I turn around and take a different route home. This route passed by the accident and by the time I passed by there where two cop cars, an ambulance, and a fire truck speeding on the other side of the road to come to the accident.
I’m not sure if Im the asshole for not getting out and seeing if he needs my help. Please let me know what you think.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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oRRxcGvnIpP4x1ah0tELayDuvYX5R2J3
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arn2er
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{
"description": "wanting a £75 birthday present",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting a £75 birthday present?
|
Basically it's my nineteenth birthday next month and for the last few months I've been telling my mum that all I want for my birthday is a microscope. It's mostly to help me with college (currently doing biology) and just cause I think they're cool. So about half an hour ago I sent her a link to a decent one from amazon which is on sale for £75 which is relatively cheap as microscopes go.
Well she didn't see it that way and said how im eighteen not five and I shouldn't be asking her to spend that much on me. I do accept that it is a lot of money but it's something I really want and will use and I have been telling her for months that it is the only thing I want.
Here's the thing, in previous years she has spent over a hundred on my brothers birthday on designer shoes and clothes that don't end up fitting him in six months time so it's not like she doesn't spend that much money on birthdays.
So that paired with other recent events I feel like it's more of a personal thing than a money thing. But I don't know, I'm just so confused right now, am I just being a spoilt brat?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
2y5g6gAuxhmBqOxzdwhIlFx62q6FYhjf
|
b854jl
|
{
"description": "telling my friend I lost weight",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friend I lost weight?
|
This is kinda long but I think context matters. TL;DR at bottom.
&nbsp;
My friend has always been overweight. I have been in fairly decent shape throughout our friendship, but have gained about 15 pounds in the past couple years. It kind of crept up on me and I didn’t realize it until a few months ago, when I weighed myself with the scale in her bathroom on a whim (I don’t own one). I was shocked at the number and told her about it. I immediately took steps to eat healthier, joined a gym, and started walking on my lunch- and 15-minute breaks at work (I have a sedentary office job).
&nbsp;
I’ve mentioned these lifestyle changes here and there (for example: she called me while I was driving and I answered on speakerphone; she asked where I was going and I said the gym. Or we had a conversation about developing healthy hobbies and I told her exercise is becoming a habit for me, but not a hobby yet). My friend confided in me she was feeling bad about herself because of how much weight she’s gained, so I offered to bring her to the gym with me. She declined (for legitimate reasons: she has a foot condition that makes even walking painful, and my gym doesn’t have a pool). I’ve been cooking a lot and have invited her over to share some healthy meals with me. (I didn’t put it that way, I just invited her over for a meal or offered her food when we were hanging out, and I don’t make unhealthy food anymore.)
&nbsp;
I still don’t own a scale and there isn’t one at my gym. I think it’s better to focus on being healthy and not obsess about the numbers, so I have decided not to buy one. I’ve been over her house several times since this lifestyle change and chose not to weigh myself. But last night I gave into temptation and weighed myself on her scale. I was excited to see I’ve lost four pounds! I shared the good news with her and she seemed happy for me. After a fair amount of drinking, she got really upset at our other friend for paying more attention to “the cute skinny girl” than her and had a bit of a meltdown.
&nbsp;
I talked it out with her and she told me it’s upsetting to hear me talk about weight gain when I’m so much smaller than her. I listened to her, told her I understood that I wasn’t being respectful of her body image hangups, and apologized. But this morning I found myself wondering: Am I really the asshole? She didn’t tell me my comments were upsetting her until she started yelling and crying.
&nbsp;
TL;DR: I told my overweight friend I lost four pounds. She got really upset and told me I was being insensitive.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
wZEcHLDnfasDebQwY7iwUMD99vZjpf3M
|
b65emq
|
{
"description": "being jealous",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being jealous?
|
I (46F) have had fibromyalgia my whole life; it started getting progressively worse about 10 years ago. I am in constant, excruciating pain for which my doctor will not give me anything stronger than ibuprofen (which is like taking Tic-Tacs). My sister (37F) recently ruptured a disc and is scheduled for surgery on Monday, and I am insanely jealous...not maliciously or anything...just wishing that there was a surgery or some sort of procedure for fibro. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
HU5j6ngUR1QWR5lApDnCS11RQcveIaXh
|
axvql2
|
{
"description": "borrowing money from my mom",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for borrowing money from my mom?
|
The past couple of months have been pretty rough and I’ve found myself short for rent/bills for the first time ever. I am 26 and have supported myself without help for 5 years. My father has passed and my mother lives with my brother. My mother is disabled because of a brain injury a year ago. She is still high functioning but has some delays. I recently borrowed money from my brother because I couldn’t make ends meet, I borrowed once from him 3-4 years ago. This time I wrote him a check so that he knew I was good for it but he still hasn’t cashed it. I checked my account today and realized my credit card payment had auto billed and my rent check would bounce, and I wouldn’t be able to pay my phone bill. Embarrassed from asking my brother for money recently I asked my mom and she let me borrow 100$. My phones still going to get shut off but hey at least I won’t get evicted! My brother texted me and said “please let me know in the future if you are having money issues, please don’t ask mom again”. My mom is secure financially and I am going to pay her back. This is an awful feeling, I feel so guilty, I have to be TA. I have to know, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
2MJvlEplmvUz0qbU0vg9Zjdqacjnkck8
|
b94qhf
|
{
"description": "not letting a friend clean",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting a friend clean.
|
so im currently typing this 30 minutes after the argument has ended. (22F)
I hosted a party at my parents house as they where on a holiday, they agreed to the party and i set it up.
everyone comes we play sing star get drunk have a swim and just overall have a god time.
most of the guys decide to crash here as I did not want them leaving the house drunk.
the next morning they were getting ready to leave and one of the guys said he could stay to help me clean, I said no thanks I have to clean it myself.
reason I have to clean things myself, is because if someone does not clean something right I can have a panic attack.
the issue was that he was bought up to always help and it was conflicting badly.
he kinda gets annoyed that I'm saying no and is trying to telling me it will go quicker and will be more fun if he helps clean, but I kept on saying no. finally his brother pulled him out the door and he left.
I'm now sitting here wondering if I should of let him clean with me? but I also hate panic attacks.
AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
z2CiZzE2ASAbpjpm3V44yCuxNtkPjrm1
|
a2avol
|
{
"description": "wanting to remain friends with a female friend that my GF does not trust",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to remain friends with a female friend that my GF does not trust?
|
I've been dating a girl, call her Abby, for a year and a half. We are getting pretty serious and there have been talks about our future and luge together. We love eachother. Just for a little more background, we are all in our mud twenties.
I have a good friend, call her Sam, who I meet about 5 years ago. We have been great friends since we met, but she has had a BF for years and years so we never thought about eachother in that way.
Recently it has seemed that the relationship between Sam and her BF is coming to an end, and Abby believes Sam has been showing interest in me. Sam and Abby get along fine, but recently Abby does not like to be around Sam since she thinks Sam is trying to make a move on me. Abby has also asked me not to hang out with Sam anymore due to this.
I would never cheat on Abby (nor do I even want to) in the first place. I don't even think about Sam in that way at all. She is a good friend who I enjoy spending time with, but that's the extent of the relationship. I don't personally believe Sam has a thing for me but I'm also an emotional idiot and couldn't take a hint if it was written on a brick thrown at my head. If Sam actually does want to get with me and made a move, I would tell her no, that I value her friendship but if she tried to take it any further than that I would have to terminate the friendship. But this has not happened.
I told this to Abby and told her while I understand where her feelings are coming from, I don't think it is fair that she ask me to not hang out with a good friend of 5 years based on what, at this point, is just a hunch. I've promised her that if she proves right, and Sam tries anything with me, then the situation changes and i will absolutely comply with her wishes. She isn't happy about my choice, but ultimately does not like telling people what to do.
Am i an asshole for continuing to hang out with Sam, knowing Abby doesn't trust her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Bih7j6W34dRkedlYKX4cFT5pPICnetNX
|
aeb74m
|
{
"description": "(Unknowingly) letting my Mother Injure Herself in the home? do I tell her about this 12 months later",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for (Unknowingly) Letting My Mother Injure Herself in the Home? Do I Tell her about this 12 months later?
|
Okay this might be a long one so I'll leave a tl;dr at the bottom.
BACKSTORY: A couple of years ago my parents divorced - I didn't really care (yada yada yada we get the point). The KEY thing from this is that my dad was a lazy asshole and for 20-odd years my mum got used to having to do loads of stuff herself - gardening, mowing the lawn, basically single-handedly raising myself and my brothers. Whilst bringing in some heavy-ass wood in from the garden to heat our house (it's a long story), one massive lump fell on her head - she wasn't unconscious or anything but was knocked down and taken to A&E (By my brother because my dad refused to drive her) to check her over. This left her with a weakness in the back and neck.
&#x200B;
Fast-Forward two years, my mum has a new boyf (who I get on with just fine) and I've been doing some renovating/landscaping in the garden when I'm not full-time at school. We get a new washing machine which I EXPLICITLY SAY TO MY MOTHER "Give me a shout when you want me to bring it in, I'll just be watching TV in the lounge" (Which is right next to the kitchen). Fast-forward 20 minutes, I hear metal creaking, bit of shuffling about, the washing-machine is definitely getting moved. I think to myself that I'll let her sweat over it, because she's got to learn that I'm actually around to help her now that I'm more of an adult (I would have been 16 at the time - whilst they were divorcing I was a fairly young 14). TURNS OUT that she royally screws her ankles and it'll be like 6 months until she regains full movement. Queue me feeling bad.
&#x200B;
Fast forward 4 months - I've been doing some digging in the garden for a patio, and have left a massive pile of dirt around, which I say I'll clear out at the weekends in chunks as It puts loads of strain on my back (I'm a slim 6'7"). It's a Thursday night and I hear shovelling - She's moving the dirt herself which I'd ASKED her not to do, due to her bad neck, back, and ankles. I pull the same move, HOPING she'll learn the lesson.
&#x200B;
She screwed her ankles more and her shoulder as well.
&#x200B;
I'm now approaching 18 and don't want to feel like a parent all the time. My mum's mentally kinda reverted back to her early 30s since the divorce (she's 50 now) and no matter how often I ask her she doesn't look after herself. I don't want her falling apart at the seams because she's naive and thinking she can do everything herself (Her Boyf is a handyman and has as little sympathy as I do - she's got capable people in her life who will GLADLY do anything for her but still does stuff herself which gets her hurt)
&#x200B;
AITA for not helping her on these occasions, and do I approach her and tell her how I feel as I'll be leaving for uni in September?
&#x200B;
TL;DR: Naive mother keeps injuring herself whilst doing chores I'd told her I'd do for her when I could (I'm busy with school). AITA for letting her do the work on her own to teach her a lesson or should I have intervened?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
VYjsxlia1VgbLdNkaS7Ov8pa9Bi0QEFf
|
aza6ac
|
{
"description": "leaving after waiting on my friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving after waiting on my friends?
|
(preface this is my first AITA post) but pretty much 2 friends of mine, myself and an ex friend were going out to eat for the ex friends birthday. So I decided to come and show support, I ended u getting there a bit before them so I waited in my car and messaged them to see when they arrived. They responded "in a few minutes" to which I responsed and waited..... 15 minutes... 20... It hits 30 and I message them asking where they are at to which they respond they are already inside eating, I told them that I didn't appreciate itand I was just gonna leave, they obviously wanted me to come and eat but I decided against it and left anyway. So I went home and got some taco bell.
Now they did apologize and I don't hate them and am still gonna be friends with them, the reason I left was mostly because I felt like I wasn't necessarily expected nor wanted so I just bailed.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
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