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{
"description": "my heading and AITA for the post",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA: for my heading and AITA for the post?
|
AITA for getting banned here for not posting AITA in the heading? And AITA for this stuff:
So, in the age of social media, I do not have social media. Long story (kinda) short, husband had an affair with a coworker and so switching jobs, cutting off social media, etc... it was an AWFUL thing that required therapy and all sorts. We had been together for 5 yrs and the affair happened a year after my only (big) brother died, and a year after our only child together was born. Emotions and hormones and all of it ran rampant. But eventually, it was GOOD. Took a few years but it is so good now.
We disabled all social media immediately after the affair. His idea.
I always had text convos with S and K (and others obviously). S loved my dogs and my dogs had puppies, she wanted one. She was younger than me, not as established, so i was iffy on her having such a high maintenance pup. She came and saw our child after he was born.. he has tumors and has had a few surgeries since. She kept up the most contact out of all my friends from college. Puppies and babies, she was there. One day, idk, we just all kind of stopped texting.
So I download instagram 2 yrs later. Made an account. Thought since it's been 2 years, i could reconnect. I find S and K. I message them both, and other friends. I tell K specifically "hey I've been thinking about you and S!!" She goes into a whole "I miss you" schpiel, as do I. Then she says the whole "did you hear about S?"
What? No?
S had died nearly 2 yrs prior (roughly 2 months after S and I had last hung out). We go into a convo over this. K says that she and others tried to contact me to let me know, but I was nowhere to be found.
I missed all of it. I ask for a phonecall and she says shes busy moving furniture but will give me burial info later. I get that K is moving on at this point, but I am in my livingroom so upset over this. Crying my eyes out. It's new for me. And I quickly find myself wanting to text my husband "if you wouldnt have had us delete social media, then I would've known sooner".
I was mad at K at first for dismissing my need to visit the cemetery, she seems as if giving me the cemetary info isnt important.
Then I got mad at my husband. "If you wouldnt have had an affair, I wouldnt have had to deactivate all this from YOUR suggestion and I wouldnt have missed this!"
Then I got mad at myself. Dont blame anyone, it's a circumstance. No ones fault.
I'm a product of circumstance from my brothers death. I am biased and always looking to blame. I guess I may be a little bewildered. But I am hurting now. AITA for blaming friend/husband? Or is anyone to blame? In regards to my own selfish pain .... Ks death was health related.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "telling my friends that they dont respect me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friends that they dont respect me
|
Recently I've gotten into an argument with my friends about how they were being inconsiderate of my feelings. My boyfriend and I are a part of the same friend group. My bf wanted to join a frat and i told him i was uncomfortable with it, he felt as if i was pressuring him to not join at first - but we talled about it more and we came to a compromise where he could join. Later he changed his mind and decided he didnt want to join anymore. Our group of friends kept pressuring him to join and told him to not let me control his life (which i dont think i was since we had come to a compromise). They were blaming me for him not joining the frat and i felt like i was being guilted for feeling uncomfortable with the fraternity issue.
I planned a "group meeting" to talk about the issues and how their actions made me feel. We talked about it and it seemed like no one was trying to understand my feelings or my point of view. They told me their points of views and how I had made them feel uncomfortable. I acknowledged my faults, but i still wanted to get it across that i didnt appreciate how they were acting either. They started dismissing my points and said i was making bullshit excuses. Eventually the conversation ended, and they thought the issue was resolved.
I had felt as though they were being very narrow minded and not really willing to listen to what i had to say.
I saw them today and wasnt really in the mood to interact with them. i was quiet and reserved because i felt uncomfortable and wronged. They texted me asking what was wrong and i told them how the talk last night didnt seem productive and that they were being disrespectful during the dicussion. During the discussion, one of the friends was making faces and giing on her phone, and the other one was telling me that my feelings didnt matter and telling me that nothing i was saying made sense)
AITA for telling them that they were being disrespectful??
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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alf020
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{
"description": "not wanting to be social media friends with husbands coworkers",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be social media friends with husbands coworkers?
|
Husband isn't much for social media, and only has instagram. Hardly ever posts anything though. I post to instagram, mostly pictures of our adorable baby daughter, and RARELY to facebook. I have been slowly, over time, filtering through the friend lists on each site, making sure I have only my real friends and family- so long old middle school classmate, so long old coworker I never kept in touch with, and so long neighbor from three apartments ago in a different state.
Anyway, my husband told me he was showing pictures of our sweet baby to his coworker. I've met her once, nice person...but I don't remember her name, wouldn't be able to pick her out of a crowd, etc. He then mentions that she is going to request to follow me on instagram so she can see the baby.
My question is, am I being an asshole for wanting to decline her request? She's not my friend- she's husband's coworker who I don't really know. Why can't she just follow his social media instead?
|
HISTORICAL
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AITA my (16 m) Mum (40 f) won’t let me get the gardasil vaccination..and I called her a c***
|
This is my first ever post and I’m on mobile sorry if it looks weird.
So I’m 16 and a boy and until early 2018 I have never had any vaccinations but recently my mum let me get them. She used to be quite a heavy anti vaxxer but seems to have backed way up on them but she’s always been quite firm on the gardasil. I know a bit about it and apparently the most serious thing to happen is seizures/epilepsy which occurres like once in a million people or something like that. My mum has scared me a little on this one because of how serious she’s been on it but it seems to be fine and quite important (hpv) so I obviously want to be protected. I asked her why she’s so strongly against it and she said something about tons of lawsuits against the creators and millions in hush money being paid because so many girls (and boys) have been killed/permanately disabled because of it which sounds kinda fishy to me but hey I don’t know for sure. So I told her I was disappointed and embarrassed by her views on this stuff and she just said she refused to let me get in until I’m 18 and she doesn’t care if she loses my respect...and out of anger I called her a cunt which I immediately felt awful about because Idk if I’ve ever called her that. She was pretty quiet but was fine and she it was a bit rough but idk what to do now? Am I the asshole for thinking she’s being a shitty person for not letting me protect myself against possible cancer and hpv or is she in the right? Is gardasil really dangerous? The lady who does my vacs said absolutely not and I trust her.
Tldr: Mum won’t let me get gardasil, I swear at her in anger
|
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ba0ztj
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{
"description": "not liking my brother",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not liking my brother?
|
I'm 21m, he's 22. We have never gotten along. I don't have much respect for him. Our father passed away when I was 10 and he left a lot of the adult stuff to me growing up, like taking care of our mother, handling the house, etc. Inside I really hold a lot of that against him, some of the stuff I had to deal with with our mother still messes me up to this day. I can't remember a time when I've been happy to see him. He lives with my mother at home and I am constantly getting messages about how angry he always is and how he yells at her. He has only gotten physical with her once that I can remember (he pushed her when he was 14). Although it's only yelling it's over the dumbest stuff, like how she doesn't remember to turn off the lights or something. Things that don't deserve yelling. As children we were always fighting and as a teenager I learned not to talk to him, we'd go days without talking. It was just simpler.
When I first graduated and left home I felt like the space helped. I felt sad that we didn't have a brotherly relationship, I can't remember a time when I ever looked up to him as a big brother. As soon as I would return home I would remember why I didn't like him though, and now I feel like I can't see him without it bringing back all the memories of how he hurt me, embarrassed me, and used me when I still lived at home.
I was much bigger and performed much better in school which is what my family assumes led to his treatment of me.
Nothing that he has done to me has been illegal or particularly terrible, nothing that by itself would be horrible. It's just the years of negative experiences have added up and I can't stand his presence. As I write this I'm trying to remember the last genuinely nice thing he did for me and I can't.
Recently he's been trying to contact me more, whereas before he would never talk to me, I feel as if his girlfriend is trying to repair our relationship. They've only been dating a year and I have only talked to her twice. My sister (13 years older, different mother, not very connected to our family) tried to talk to me about it at a recent family reunion. He himself hasn't changed in person however, it's still the same shit at home.
This isn't really a large social issue like most in this subreddit. I want to be clear right now that I am not interested in being close to him, this is what he wants. I feel like it's such a wast me to have know someone your entire life but not be close to them. Am I being an asshole (to myself or to him) by not trying to repair this?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting to go to the funeral of a relative I barely know",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I don't want to go to the funeral of a relative I barely know
|
So literally a matter of hours ago, one of my relatives passed away from Cancer, I'm very sorry to hear it. I honestly can't remember her I've barely interacted with her in my life, would it be worth my going to the funeral? Plus both my mum and my dad would be going and they divorced not long ago and that would just be an awkward situation in itself.
|
HISTORICAL
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aqfftn
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{
"description": "confirming that the girl I'm seeing didn't have sex with her ex",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for confirming that the girl I'm seeing didn't have sex with her ex?
|
I got a message from her ex that said, "me and [girl] had sex all weekend" and I ignored it because he's a dick all the time. I get a phone call from him at work and he tells me he wasn't lying and then hung up. AITA for confirming that he was lying?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
afehoh
|
{
"description": "going to the grocery store after the gym",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for going to the grocery store after the gym?
|
I will sometimes swing by the grocery right after the gym to grab a few items. Logistically, it doesn't make sense for me to go shopping before the gym or go home to shower prior to shopping. I do everything I can to minimize any smell (and avoid standing too close to others just in case), not to drip sweat everywhere, and not to handle anything I don't intend to purchase. Still it's obvious that I worked out a short time ago.
No one has said anything, and I haven't noticed any dirty looks. Still I know it can uncomfortable to be around people that aren't practicing proper hygiene.
So despite all my precautions, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a3ilin
|
{
"description": "doing a group project on my own and making it known to the professor",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For doing a group project on my own and making it known to the professor?
|
This actually happened about a year ago but I just remembered it and wondered what other people might think.
I'm no longer in college, but last year I was taking classes at a local community college. The class in particular was Game Design I - I'm interesting in being a game developer so was pursuing their 2 year degree in game design. The majority of the assignments outside of readings were group projects where we made board games to get a basic grip on basic game design before moving into video games specifically.
So, I get by the class fine - I skip some readings and stuff because I'm lazy but I do my best to contribute as much as I can to our projects. My group sucked, really bad. We were a 4 person group as opposed to a 5 as the majority of the class was, and half the time 2 of the people weren't even in class (they were friends or something). The other 2 people were me and this guy who was ... okay, I guess. He made a lot of distasteful jokes and hit on me the first 4 weeks of class but he wasn't like, a total dick, just really awkward and definitely nobody I would be friends with.
Anyways, fast forward to our last project. We basically have 3 weeks to make like.. the ultimate board game. Use all of the things we have learned in the class to make some thing really cool and nice. For our "final", we would all play each other's games and give feedback.
So - this part does make me the asshole - our entire group didn't communicate, myself included. We had a group text and each other's emails and... nobody basically.. did anything. Again, I recognize I dropped the ball here too. But SO DID EVERYONE ELSE. Somehow not a SINGLE person cared. I'm assuming everyone thought "oh, somebody else will start getting stuff done and I'll help later" (because I did as well), and then.. nobody did anything.
I also wanna mention I have ADHD, so I just.. totally forget about stuff. I get there's ways around this, I'm just saying it is something I struggle with, and I definitely wasn't trying to be like haha I won't help. I'm just not good at starting things. So... suddenly, it's the night the thing is due - at midnight. It was like, 5 or 6 pm. I realize, fuck, nobody has literally done ANYTHING, let alone send a text. I'm annoyed with myself, and pissed at the group that nobody else seemed to give a shit either. So I decide that in the 8 or so hours I have, I'm gonna bust my ass and make a game on the spot.
I spent the next 4 or 5 hours making a resource management based card game basically entirely in Photoshop. It was fairly simple, but I did my best to actually apply some form of game design. When it was finished, I submitted it (before the deadline) and specifically told my professor that the reason it was so bare bones was that I made it by myself, and nobody on the group helped. I acknowledged I also dropped the ball, but that I figured I could at lease salvage my own grade if these other clowns would not do it.
(I also did not go to the last day of class because I'm a pussy with bad social anxiety who did NOT want to explain to my group members why I submitted a game just for myself).
I ended the class with a low B overall, with an 87% on the project, and I never heard back from the professor on it, nor any of the group members.
Was I the asshole specifically for doing the project myself and making it clear I was the only person who did anything? It was so long ago, I doubt it matters, but I guess I'm just curious, because I always felt kind of like.. proud of myself for just powering through it and making it clear none of those clowns lifted a finger to make the finished product.
​
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HISTORICAL
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abo559
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my boyfriend for looking at photos of other women",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my boyfriend for looking at photos of other women?
|
Normally I don't go to the internet seeking advice, but I don't have anyone to go to, I can't afford a therapist and I hate talking about my relationship problems.
So my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. I love him very dearly. It was established since day one that we were extremely monogamous. He would say in what I thought was earnest that he only was attracted to me.
Fast forward a few months, I discover his reddit and like a bit of a snoop, I looked through it. Eventually I discover a large list of comments (saying how perfect and attractive) on photos of girls naked. These weren't just pornstars either, these were amateur photos of girls, most I'm assuming posting for attention or whatever, and would probably see his comments.
Now, I understand some people need porn to get off. I'm ok with watching porn, but photos really just make me uncomfortable. I'm not ok with my lover looking at photos of other women. Not to mention commenting on it.
It's been close to a year since I discovered it, and every time I confront him he gets so filled with self hate I just can't get the anger, frustration and hurt I need to get out.
It's built up a lot of resentment, and sometimes I just get angry out of nowhere, and we're so close to a breakup I don't even know if I can salvage it.
I just want to know why, but all he ever says is he doesn't know.
I understand some people are ok with things like this, but I'm not. Neither is he.
So... Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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0ddh0mPTORO89M778XNNcY3f5nAOToxY
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9zlfdx
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{
"description": "telling my friend he was being creepy to me in this way",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I told my friend he was being creepy to me in this way?
|
I (21M) have a friend (21M) who is flamboyantly gay (think the stereotypical image of a gay person and you're just about spot on). He's had a crush on me ever since we started being friends (almost 6 months ago), and while I love him to death (he's my best friend, and anyone I consider my best friend I love dearly), he has been more and more aggressive about how he essentially gets his relationship fantasy played through me.
To start, anytime we are out in public, he will grab my arm or hold my hand or give me a peck on the cheek when he says bye (all stuff I dont like, as I'm not gay and even if I was I don't like him like that and I've just allowed it because I dont know how to handle sexual things. Wouldnt even allow a girl to do that to me as it geeks me out), he always calls me his "future husband", and theres been a few times he has either made comments on my body or been creepy with me (he once grabbed my ass when we were at a bar with friends, which I brushed off because he was drunk, and recently he commented that "you should be shirtless more often" because I had to take my shirt off since the dog we were dog sitting together for a mutual friend peed on me. Plus he wound up getting up in the middle of the night to sleep on top of me, and I woke up in the middle of the night to that, which to me was disrespectful and not okay in the slightest.)
I've had enough of it. It's starting to bother me to the point that everything about him is bugging me, from how excessively extra he is about things to his mannerisms. I want to talk to him about this and tell him that it is pissing me off that hes treating me this way, but I dont feel he will listen. So what I want to do is this: sit down with him and make the conversation about him. Since he likes me and I'm leaving the Army in 13 days (sidenote: YAY!), I want to make the conversation about how I, as his best friend, encourage him to move on from me and use the creepy examples and the over possessiveness examples to demonstrate to him how much this is messing him up, being fixated on me when I will never return his affection.
The reason why I bring this here is because in effect, I'm not telling the whole truth, as there is a bit more that bugs me about him (the extraness and him grabbing on my female friend [however playful it is] while she has a boyfriend, creeping her out and pissing him off too. Plus him continually belittling her bf is incredibly annoying), but I'm leaving that out, along with the entire reason for why I want him to stop, which may mean he continues his behavior with other people, hurting his relationships and possibly his wellbeing in the future.
TL;DR: WIBTA for telling half of the truth to my friend who is being creepy towards me in an effort to get him to stop?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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aep7o2
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{
"description": "sharing my anxiety with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for sharing my anxiety with my friend(s)?
|
TL;DR at the bottom!
I have had a rough upbringing with several traumatic experiences including emotional, physical and sexual abuse. I am always upfront about it with friends since some can’t ”take it” when I talk about my feelings. I respect that fully and never try to push my bad feelings onto someone else. But as pretty much any other person, I need to talk about my emotions.
I recently went through a bad breakup. Got thrown out of my apartment and had to endure a lot of emotional abuse from my ex. I wasn’t in a stable emotional situation at that time, and had recently started on anti-depressants due to my suicide thoughts/plans.
I had one friend I pretty much all the time turned to just to empty my chest. It was what I felt I needed. At the same time I tried seeking professional help. In my country the healthcare is free, but the wait is long. I have been waiting since 2017 for a psychiatrist and it was only yesterday I had my first appointment. So I have had to rely on close friends for comfort.
I noticed how a friend group started drifting away. They didn’t answer my messages anymore and when I ran into them after a concert they pretended like I wasn’t there. It was super embarrassing since I was there with another friend who they hadn’t met yet, and the tension was awkard..
Yesterday (it has now been months since we last spoke) I asked my ”best friend” of the group if I had done something wrong and if I hurt any of them in any way, so that I could apologize which I though was fair to do to them.
She told me that she was tired of me always being sad, telling her about my self harm thoughts, and complaining about my ex. She felt used and manipulated.
Reading that made my stomach drop. I never knew that I had made her feel that way and now I feel *awful*. She told me she didn’t want me as a friend and I understand that. So I apologized. She then told me that more people deserve to have my apology but she didn’t tell me who or why so now I am anxious and can’t sleep. Was I that big of an asshole? What could I have done differently? I have severe abandonment issues, and always have the feeling that people secretly hate me, because of my background and now all my ”bad thoughts” are coming true. How can I apologize the best way?
TL;DR: I was sad and talked to my friend about it. She got sick of it and stopped inviting me to gatherings and stopped talking to me. She told me she’s fed up with dealing with my depression and anxiety. AITA for sharing everything with her?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting my friend to meet my other friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my friend to meet my other friends?
|
Some backstory: I'm a student who moved to another city to go to university and in the last few months there I've made new friends and I really have a lot of fun with them. On some weekends I go back to my home town to see my family and old friends.
Now to my problem. I have a really good friend, let's call her Anna. I've known Anna for a while and I know she is a good person, but sometimes she doesn't make a good impression when she meets new people. She's very extroverted, asks A LOT of personal questions even if she just met the person 5 minutes ago, she's also very loud and really just says what's on her mind.
In a few weeks she will come visit me in the city I go to Uni to and has asked if she can meet my new friends. Personally I don't think this is a great idea as these friends are the opposite of her. They're introverted and they definitely don't want to talk about their personal lives or problems to strangers. I just feel like if they meet it will be crazy awkward and we won't have any fun. They're just very different and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't like my friend.
So when Anna asked if she can meet them, I said that I'm not sure if they have time and that I'll ask them, when I actually don't plan on asking them at all. I'd just rather have a fun night out with her than cringe the whole time and get second hand embarrassment. So now I kinda feel like an asshole for doing this but on the other hand a lot of people keep friend groups separate.
So AITA for not wanting Anna to meet them?
Also this is my first post on reddit so sorry if I'm doing something wrong like formatting or other stuff! I'm on mobile and I made this account just to ask this.
|
HISTORICAL
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|
RIGHT
|
RTrS8Wm2fNzL1AkZ2fDZnXv9XU0C25iH
|
a0t8qm
|
{
"description": "having enough with sister in laws bs",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for having enough with sister in laws bs.
|
Here's the circumstance, i live with my gf and her parents. The oldest still lives under the roof, my gf and i save money steadily while the oldest mooches and yet still manages to buy all sorts of frozen foods. My gf and i buy snacks/chips, drinks, for work because vending machine foods are too pricy. The oldest is consistently asking for money for gas, cigs etc. Meanwhile we each have our own separate fridge, or we're suppose to, the oldest constantly takes our drinks, snacks, pregnancy tests we buy etc. I looked in the oldest daughters fridge tonight and couldnt believe what they had, they always go out to eat cause they're too lazy to eat anything in the house. I dont mean to be petty cause I'm not about to go in and eat all their food...but they have soo much in the fridge I'd be set for couple months. I'm just so lost by them, with the way they manage their money i am in disbelief. I know she's manipulating her mom and dad and meanwhile we are doing our best. If i started eating her frozen goods, would i be the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
diAiYdJ90pbC0jCfbeCUwAh2pF41myAe
|
aym07v
|
{
"description": "joking about mail ordering 2 pounds of high-quality mexican heroin in my roommates name",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for joking about mail ordering 2 pounds of high-quality Mexican heroin in my roommates name?
|
My roommate and I have been at each other’s throats for a while now. He makes fun of my bad hairline and my introverted habits. I tease him for self-identifying as a white supremacist and when he tells our guests that we have over about how he likes to have a finger down under. It reached a crescendo in the past few days as he began to refer to me as “lil guy” and I repeatedly insulted his social intelligence and bigotry. I eventually said something to the effect of “ You know what, if you don’t knock your shit off I’ll order 2 pounds of high-grade Mexican heroin in your name”. Seems very absurd considering that online sources say that would be like US$20,000, and I’m in no way the kind of person that could arrange some kind of 2 pound heroin smuggling operation.
He proceeded to dial 911 and report me to the police. At least that’s what I heard when I got home later that day. Am I the asshole for making what I thought was a sarcastic jab?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
95ZFN3R2t3fNpZNasbUmv8Ogq2Bk8Upj
|
aiduc3
|
{
"description": "(intentionally) deleting my Facebook account and (unintentionally) deleting many of my ex-wife's favorite photos",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for (intentionally) deleting my Facebook account and (unintentionally) deleting many of my ex-wife's favorite photos?
|
Background: my wife and I divorced about six years ago after being married for about four years, and our divorce was mutually acrimonious, if that makes any sense. We haven't spoken since then and now live in different parts of the US.
As it happened, I was the one with the camera most of the time, so a lot of the pictures I took of us on vacations, around town, etc. are with me. Most of my or her favorite pictures were uploaded to Facebook.
Recently (a few weeks ago), I deleted my Facebook account. Privacy concerns, I haven't used it in almost a year, the usual. This deleted all of the photos along with it. I have backups of all of them, but as I said my ex-wife does not. A few days ago, a mutual friend told me that she was pretty upset because some of her favorite photos were on my Facebook, and now she doesn't have them anymore. Because of the whole "acrimonious divorce" situation, I doubt she'll ask me for them directly, but I'm feeling guilty about this.
It had been quite a few years since the divorce, and there were a ton of pictures, posts, whatever on my Facebook that the older ones didn't stand out in my mind. Probably also because I have copies of all of them anyway. That's probably why this never occurred to me until after the fact.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
x7Qnq2xwj7jQMCKVHBjxbfgQMzJfQBYO
|
augna4
|
{
"description": "hitting someone with a ball",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hitting someone with a ball
|
I was playing a dodgeball where in the middle both sides can go in. I was in the middle when i saw one of my teammates 1v1ing the opposite team. They where both coming towards me so i hit the other dude. He was pissed. He said i ruined a moment and called me a pussy. I dont under stand what i did wrong. AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
JELUfuVMsKEHJIUXJnhzOrdbpMUpGk9f
|
ao45nn
|
{
"description": "being upset at the guy I'm \"talking\" to",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for being upset at the guy I'm "talking" to?
|
So I've been talking to some guy for about two months. Talking which is basically just being friends with occasional benefits. He says he's not ready to be serious yet which I'm okay with because neither am I. He's spent a few nights at my apartment and whatever. We've fooled around a few times but have never actually had sex. I've gone down on him a bunch of times though.
​
Yesterday, he tells me that a girl he was sleeping with a month ago said she might be pregnant. I'm not upset that he was sleeping with other people as he's single and can do what he pleases, I'm upset that he's sleeping with girls with no protection and letting me go down on him without even telling me. When I told him that, he got super upset.
​
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
oFdppS7QV8JfYFd11XT2KWKpUy0rh0fQ
|
alfhbd
|
{
"description": "wanting someone to move into my flat who my flatmate doesn't like",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting someone to move into my flat who my flatmate doesn’t like?
|
I share a flat with a friend and our contract runs out in August. I’m a performer and I’ve been offered a job going on tour in a show. I’ll be moving out next month and gone for at least 6 months. Obviously while I’m gone I’m gonna have to continue paying rent though unless I can get someone to fill my room. There’s a girl in our year who needs a place to stay and I messaged her saying that I’m gonna be gone for 6 months. When I told my flatmate this she was like ‘I’m not living with her’...she has no reason to dislike this girl, the girl is a bit annoying, but she’s not a bad person. I said, well I need to find someone because I don’t wanna have to pay rent when I’m not living here. She said that’s fine but you need to find someone who I actually like because I refuse to live with someone I don’t like...
I feel like she’s just being really difficult and I can’t find anyone else who needs a room. AITA or Would I be the asshole if I just ignored what she said and let this girl stay...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
3b0D3KMvbfz8s5JOJnw3iJShvpp64dJx
|
b6n7xw
|
{
"description": "dming an acquaintance to warn her about a potential overshare in a photo she posted",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for DMing an acquaintance to warn her about a potential overshare in a photo she posted?
|
For context, we are both adult women in our 20s. We have had conversations about personal issues and have mutual friends. We are not super close but I have trusted her with some personal information about me and vice versa.
She posted a photo on Instagram of herself in a light colored bathing suit. However some of the material around her crotch was backlit by the sun, making her labia/vuvla fully visible like she wasn't wearing anything. My phone brightness is always on almost full blast because my eyes are really bad, and the contrast on photos sometimes is a little extreme as a result. I didn't know if she was aware this could be visible. Tampering with my light showed unless someone has this extreme setting I do, it was invisible, which made me think perhaps she posted without knowing.
I sent her a DM privately saying she was a grown adult so she can post what she wants/maybe it was intentional to share that, but let her know it was visible in case she didn't know. I've accidentally overshared and embarassed deleted photos before cause of something in the background etc I missed that shouldnt be visible, nip slips, etc - and would have wanted someone to warn me. I sent a polite message telling her I supported her wether or not she shared that kind of stuff. No shame, no shade, not trying to be creepy.
She responds getting really upset, telling me not to look at her vagina, being all around really sad and sounding scared, telling me only family should have come to her about that and sounding really creeped out. I apologized and said over and over I didnt mean to overstep and that I was not ill intentioned. She just seems so done with me now. I'm giving her space and avoiding her insta for a bit.
She deleted the photo and I feel really bad.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
dQr5pOJvsKPZ3WG547wjIGOsUP6BqJIq
|
al4jlx
|
{
"description": "distancing myself from a close friend without telling her why",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for distancing myself from a close friend without telling her why?
|
I was friends with this girl at school, we hit it oof pretty well from day one and soon became close friends even though it hadn't been that long. I was enjoying her company and meeting up with her in my free time, chatting at school, sitting together in class, etc.
But after about a year of being friends, some behaviours of her that I've noticed before where recurring all the time and it annoyed me a lot. Thise behaviours first and foremost consisted of a lot of complaining about the smallest things. And I mean a lot. Nearly all of our conversations where just her complaining now and me trying to give advice but not really knowing what to say because in my eyes the things she was complaining about where mostly just so risiculous. She would tell me how her brother had eaten part of her dinner the day before or how her parents didn't listen to her when she was speaking or something like that and sure, I would be mad about that too and maybe vent to my friends about it but she just went way over the top.
She always told me how she was depressed and stuff like that and I'll tell you why that matters. Because when she was complaining about those little things she never failed to mention how she had cried for hours over this, or cut herself because of that or was suicidal. And don't get me wrong, I totally understand that when you're in a really bad state of mind, even the smallest thing can trigger you and let you spiral into a mental breakdown, but having had experiences with similar mental health issues myself, it seemed a lot to me like she was blowing things way out of proportion. She showed me her 'cuts' once and they weren't even scratches. I know that harming your body in whatever way is a warning sign, but her skin wasn't even broken, it was just the white lines you get from scratching your fingernails on your skin. Also, she was always happy and smiling and chatting and yeah, you can hide depression but I know that I had one hell of a lot bad days that I couldn't muster up a smile or talk to anyone at all. There where even more things like that that made me suspicious but the bottom line is that I felt she was making things bigger than they were for attention. Because not only did she talk to me about her issues, as you do with a friend, no, she told everyone. She would literally go to random people in our class and find a way to bring it up in conversation because (at least in my eyes) she wanted validation and attention.
It got to a point where I was so annoyed with that behaviour and the constant talkong about it that overtook our friendship and I started consciously distancing myself from her. We didn't have a fight, we didn't have a talk, we just started slowly drifting away from one another because I kept turning down her offers to hang out and chose to talk to other people when I would've talked to her. She never confronted or asked me about so I never saw the need to tell her why I was doing this. It was one of those things where you both see what's happening (me distancing myself) but you don't talk about it because it would be uncomfortable. Nowadays, we never talk to each other anymore and try to avoid being in group projects together since it would be awkward.
Tl;dr: I was close friends with a girl who then started talking about being depressed a lot in a way that seemed to me a lot like she was owing it out of proportion and doing it for attention. I distanced myself from her, we're not friends anymore. Aith?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
qU4XCJHLlOorGqbRqYBeYiHxwhE6pJpI
|
b9hjey
|
{
"description": "telling my wife I want to go out for beers alone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I told my wife I want to go out for beers alone?
|
Background: my wife and I have a dead bedroom. For several years, she’s had issues having pain-free sex, so that’s been a huge contributing factor, but even before those issues, her sex drive had begun declining dramatically (to the point where we’d had many frank conversations about how it was affecting the relationship).
We’ve recently had very honest talks where she has granted me permission to have sexual experiences with other people (conditional, of course).
We live in a city where we don’t know many other people, so the opportunity for such an encounter is rare... almost non-existent. I’m on Tinder, Ashley Madison, and have even considered escorts. Not much luck with any (can’t justify spending $300+ on an escort and haven’t found anyone I’m very attracted to on apps).
So my next option: I live in a University town and am thinking of going out for beers on the weekend in an attempt to meet someone and perhaps have such an encounter.
The issue is that when I tell my wife I want have a night out (not mentioning my motives because I’m not sure how she’d react to me straight-up telling her what’s up), I know she’ll want to get a sitter and come with me for a night out. And while I LOVE spending time my wife, the purpose of this night is to have a sexual encounter, which definitely won’t happen one way or another if I spend the night with my wife.
WIBTA if I tell my wife I want to go for beers alone?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
3cTyRjcqg94L1bg2uSfPHNNcnNVmavk4
|
b54mb4
|
{
"description": "trying to find out why my cousins have excommunicated their parents",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for trying to find out why my cousins have excommunicated their parents?
|
To preface things, my extended family is all very close to us so the relationship I have with a lot of my cousins is like some people have with their siblings.
A couple years ago, my(F18) twin cousins (F24) broke of all communication with their parents, their little brother(M17), and the entire extended family. It was really sad for all of us, especially since we had spent a lot of time with them in the last couple years (before the split) in organizing their weddings.
Flash forward to now and I still don't know what happened to make them never want to see their parents again. This issue bothers me a lot because of the unknown nature and I frequently have dreams about them and how much they supported me.
I miss them and I don't know whether to be sympathetic to their parents or not because no one will tell me what happened. Before, they were keeping things tight-lipped and only the twins' parents and brother knew why they had blocked them out. But now a couple years later people (my parents, my other aunts and uncles, my older cousins) are starting to find out.
My older brother(M30) knows but he won't tell me. He says I should mind my own business and stop asking questions because it's the family's private situation. But to me it's not private, we were raised as one big family and told to hold on to each other so why does that end now? They were like sisters to me but I still have to be left out in the cold?
So AITA for trying to find out why? Can someone explain to me why I don't get to know? I'm sorry I'm just genuinely isolated in this and I'm one of the youngest in the extended family so people tend to discount me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
GkSuZyrzzJKV8w5knO3ezclP6KVBAVBr
|
9vptex
|
{
"description": "buying condoms the same week as I planned on asking this girl out",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For buying condoms the same week as I planned on asking this girl out?
|
So there is a girl that I've been into for a while, and it seemed like she liked me back, I was considering asking her on a date this week.
Also this week, I bought a condom from a friend of mine that I'll call Flynn. I didn't really do it for any reason besides the fact that he was selling it, and that I figured it would be useful at some point in the future. I wasn't planning on banging the girl any time soon.
Despite telling me that he wouldn't, Flynn told another friend of mine (who I'll call James) that I had done this, and then James went and told the girl I'm into that I had done this.
Now previously, I'd thought of this girl as being really nice and genuine, but I'm seeing a whole new side of her. She went with a friend of hers to confront Flynn and ask if it was true and if I’d bought it with the intention of using it on her, and he denied it but they saw through it. This is where things get strange – instead of being grossed out or infuriated, they apparently started giggling and making jokes about her innocence being taken. And the girl that I'm into said, in reference to me: "I didn't realize we were this serious."
So then, during lunch break, before I knew this had happened, I noticed everybody pretty much avoiding me. Then all of the sudden, one of the girl's other friends just said "[Girl’s name] doesn't like you, just so you know."
So after school, I confronted the girl that I like and we agreed to text about what is going on. When I talked to her in person, she was smiling shyly and looking down, which was just as confusing. I couldn't tell if she was amused, or flirty, or what.
She told me over texts that she had been told about the condom, but she never outright asked me if it was true or not (so I didn't lie to her). She also acknowledged that she had sent her friend to tell me that she doesn't like me. But now I'm starting to wonder if she just did that to test me.
Anyway, I'm really confused, and everyone in the school is either feeling bad for me or disgusted by me. I don't know what do to from here.
TLDR: I bought a condom, and the girl that I like thinks that I did it because I plan on having sex with her, and she seems to be playing me with mixed signals. I don't how to proceed from here. Does it seem like she might like me? And did I do wrong? I'm really confused.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
c47Tta4xMicXmlMFD7Sz6VUeYIRsCQHr
|
af5jua
|
{
"description": "having my girlfriend of 5 years break up with me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for having my girlfriend of 5 years break up with me?
|
It all started 5 years ago when I would stream for fun. We chatted online and talked for a long time and hit it off. We became super good friends and would text everyday and that eventually turned into a relationship. At the time she was working and not in college and I was in the middle of careers. After being together for 1 year we were able to move in together where I live (Different state), she was living in LA beforehand. I we were here for about 1 year, she took a community college course and worked some while I was still finding a job. When I found one in LA I was able to move down into a house where some other of the same employee's lived (kind of like a dorm). She moved back with her parents and continued schooling. It became an online relationship somewhat as our schedules did not meet that well and neither of us had cars to easily get to eachother. We texted a lot during the day about what we are doing and always looked forward to the future. This continued for around 3 years, we were able to meet during breaks and sometimes have 1 whole month of living together. I actually have messaged "Goodmorning love" or something along those lines alongside "Goodnight love" for over 4 years. 3 Months ago my career took a big turn, we still talked and got to meet occasionally and definitely were still in love, but I was not sure if I was going to be able to stay within LA. 1.5 months ago I had to move away, she was there the final week with me during this time. I told her I am going to do everything I can to make myself successful, she only had 1-2 years left in school and we would finally get rid of this online relationship. I messaged a lot about what I was doing and would sometimes ask about her. On december 14th she messaged saying how she loved me and misses me so much, she woke up at 4am and could not sleep, she wished to cuddle me and feel safe because she really enjoyed being with me. By december 18th she was messaging less and less, and told me that she was depressed and starting to ask me questions like "Don't you ever wonder if we were not together?, if we would be more successful?" I am a pretty analytical person and said no i dont have those thoughts because it's impossible to know, but i definitely am happy I am with her. I would say goodmorning love, goodnight love, every day (for years as i mentioned), she did too. She stopped at december 18th completely. She would say "morning". I would tell her I want to help her feel better, I wish I could hug and kiss her to make her feel better. She enjoys messages about what I am currently doing. I would send pictures too because she liked that too. She would never respond really, I would ask how she was and said "the same, i am tired.", she said "I am tired of everything. I don't want to do anything in life." I told her we are both in bad places right now but let's stick through it and get through this. Love her miss her etc. Send some pics of myself, tell her hey you were going to the gym not long ago and you stopped, I bet it would make you feel better! This was basically the story up until yesterday. Last week she said she wanted to break up over a message. I said hey let's talk about this, we have had low low's before but always came out of it. We have been together very long and message every day for years and I believe we can make it better. She in the past has always talked about wanting to talk via phone / comms. I would agree but never get around to it. Not that I would put it off, in fact if she ever asked I would of said yes! But she never, ever did. I would need to be the one to ask, if I did not ask then no call happened. She would get upset at me for not calling. I say hey let's not make rash decisions, less than one month ago you said you loved me so much and you said you have depression right now. I want to help. She said she didn't want to hold me back from anything in life and said goodbye. I messaged the next day asking for a phone call because 5 years of relationship ended over a message did not sit well. And what she said was not true, I worked hard to make it so we would have a bright future together. She said that from my constant messages about wanting to call and I am confused that I was pissing her off and she wanted time to think. I said okay and left one final message because I just wanted to let her know that her thoughts of me being held back were wrong, that we have been through rough times, and that I know I could of been a better boyfriend by giving her those calls and was willing to do it now more than ever. It was the biggest time where I was like holy shit I love her lots and this is happening. I believed it would be okay. She replied back 2 days later after those thoughts saying she is done. In my messaged I actually said not 5 years and she pointed that out which seems that she was offended. (I said 4+ years). She said I "had 5 years" and that "she is tired", that I "had my chance but it's over", and "in the future maybe we will meet again, but right now I am not willing to try again with you", alongside an sorry and don't message me for a while. I was shocked.. how did this happen so fast? I pleaded for a phone call because I was confused, she made it seem that the past 5 years were hell. I had many great times with her but from that final message it made it seem that I messed up. After some pleading about asking for the call, and some back and forth about how she said I talked about myself when messaging her and not asking about her. (I thought she just enjoyed listening about what I am doing because she asked me to tell her...) She eventually said to completely stop before she blocks me and that me messaging more would ruin any tiny chance of the future. I am still young and immature but this was really hard on me. I will continue trying to be successful in my life but this was my first really long relationship and I didn't expect less than a month ago that I would be here today. I could of done better but I felt I wasn't the worst and we both could of made it work. I honestly don't know what advice I am asking for here, I feel very lost and confused. I won't be the type of guy who comes crawling back in a week, I know how she is and what is done is done. I just have very recent memories of her and it was wonderful and so recent, I don't know how things turned so quick.
just scrolling through some of past messages in december there were messages about how she appreciated me sending messages and pictures during her hard time, and that she wont respond sometimes not because she doesnt want to but doesnt have the energy to. She also said that she was planning to get rid of the people in her life that won't help her grow as a person and wasn't afraid to cut ties with anyone (including me) to do so. And that she appreciated me trying to help her through her rough time and she hopes I continue to do so. And at the end that she hopes that I can continue being in her life and helping her grow.... I just don't understand how it got to this point still.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
rWqMOEnC6NaenoLQfWEJWQ2p2V2ZwL49
|
azfkaf
|
{
"description": "calling one of my close friends a bitch",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For calling one of my close friends a bitch
|
So recently my entire friend group has been extremely stressed with our lives, and it has definitely taken a toll on us. The stress will be alleviated once this academic year is over, but we're all trying to keep it together and still be good people.
Except for Friend 1.
I won't lie our relationship has been a little strained ever since we had dated like 2 years ago, but before the stress began everything was dandy. Well sadly ever since it did begin it has devolved into us just kinda making fun of eachother, all in good fun though. But that made me sad since we used to be able to talk to eachother about really serious and personal stuff, and now we could not. So I began to try to fix our relationship by generally just being nicer and more caring, on top of all my stress that I am barely handling.
Cut to last night, we're all hanging out together, having a fun time. I particularly had a pretty intense day with an all nighter the night before for a research project that had been my life for almost an entire year. So I was in an odd mood at the time. Well regardless, she pulls me to the side away from the group and starts berating me about how if she "wanted our relationship to be better, she would fix it." And how I "must think she is childish and can't handle herself" since I've been trying to also alleviate the stress of her research by doing small errands for her. So I cut her off, said I didn't really want to hear anymore for the sake of our relationship, and said she was being a bitch.
I was honestly shocked the words left my mouth because I've never been one to call anyone a bad name in a serious tone, but I was just so frustrated. I felt dumb for adding to my stress and going out of my way to help her if it was gonna end in this way. I feel bad because she looked pretty hurt, but I don't really want to apologize because I feel like I haven't done much wrong. However the girls in the group think it was a bit much to use that language since Friend 1 is pretty sensitive to stuff like that.
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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yvxisv4VoVIlgHHF5PsMLWvXdMReCutb
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ba9iij
|
{
"description": "getting frustrated with my paranoid and pessimistic grandfather",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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}
|
AITA for getting frustrated with my paranoid and pessimistic grandfather?
|
Due to family issues with my (19M) parents, I'm living with my grandpa (62?M) who's let me stay with him until I start an employment assistance program and find a home.
I've stayed with him for three months, and while I can't pay rent, I help him out with chores, cooking, etc.. However, in the past month he's been super paranoid and pessimistic about everything and it's REALLY affecting what I can do with my life because it's at a point where it's affecting his sleep, and I can't do ANYTHING since he sleeps in the day and works the night shift. Typing or watching videos, sitting down, grabbing food, even going to the washroom wakes him up.
It's worse that he refuses to accept the fact that apartment staff know I'm there, and his lease has no issues with me being with him. He wants me to constantly stay in "in case someone finds out", he's jumpy about letting me get a key cut because of this, meaning I have to fight through lengthily bus routes unexpectedly if he gets called to work while I'm out, and has even started whispering to me that he thinks someone's putting their ear against the door.
On Thursday, he went to work again, and was so tired that he fainted on shift. When he got back home after a checkup with paramedics, we went to bed and went to the clinic yesterday to make an appointment. However, this morning he woke me up to say he's not going because he's too scared the doctor will tell him he can't work again, and cause him to lose his apartment. I've already tried getting him to go about a full week beforehand, and he was denying help then.
So when he asked me what *I* was going to tell his boss that he didn't go to the doctor, I just couldn't take it any more. I told him that's *his* responsibility, and he shouldn't expect me to do things for him when he won't get the help he needs. I said that I needed to go out to calm down, but he said that he wanted me to stay since he's scared that something might happen to him while I'm out, to which I said maybe he wouldn't worry about that if he had seen the doctor, and by asking me to stay he expects me to do something and nothing at the same time. He then said to *call an ambulance* if I was going out, and I said he didn't need one, and he just needed to see a doctor to help him with his sleep issues, that he more than likely would be able to keep working his drive-thru till and that he can reschedule his appointment.
I ***hate*** getting frustrated him like this because I want to help him and I care for him, but at the same time I ***hate*** him talking about nothing but how he's going to be evicted, is going to lose the unit, find himself alone, and how I'm also going to be homeless when things are more likely than not going to work themselves out. I also ***hate*** being expected to stay with him if I can't do anything requiring movement. Am I the asshole for getting frustrated with him today?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ZXzlsAJYUqv8j7MxOMcNzzqYLP5WMoAm
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ap75ol
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{
"description": "talking to my friend's \"ex\" despite her warnings and consequently ruining our friendship over it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for talking to my friend's "ex" despite her warnings and consequently ruining our friendship over it?
|
I met this friend online 2 years ago, hit it off immediately like we were long lost sisters, I love her but we're the same person almost down to a T, both dealing with mental health issues as well as physical. We naturally bonded and talked almost everyday, got into a huge fight where I was admittedly the asshole for blowing up on her and a mutual friend, eventually we made up and last year we started talking again. My friend (who I'll call A for convenience) sometimes mentioned a guy, but we didn't talk about that too much since she's really reserved about her personal life, which I understand, but sometimes get a bit offended with since I'm super open about my personal problems (like I'm being now I guess).
​
One day her ex hit me up on twitter. I'd tweeted something about MBTI and he loves that thing so we talked the entire night about that. I mentioned her bc she also liked MBTI and he said he should send her his regards since they hadn't talked in a while and that he missed her, and I didn't think much of it (this will be relevant later). It appeared to me he was a bit flirty and I have to admit he ticked some of my boxes - he's incredibly well-spoken (which at my age is rare) and has a weird sense of humor, a bit of dad jokes mixed in with dark humor, not to mention liking some of my favorite movies and anime. It was a pleasant night of talking, nothing happened because I had an idea there'd been something going on between him and A and didn't want to stick my foot in that. Also I wasn't so incredibly attracted to him that I'd risk a friendship over that (well, guess what!)
​
I was a bit conflicted and told our mutual friend that T (her ex) had hit me up and that I'd enjoyed talking to him. I asked if I should tell A, since I didn't want to go behind her back, especially since we were on good terms now. My friend said I should say something just to get it off my mind, so I did. A has the weirdest reaction ever, like she was clapping at a really elaborate comedy shtick which just left me kind of dumbfounded. She laughed super hard about it and I decided to play along, told her that we didn't talk about much of anything. A asked if I'd mentioned her. I said yes, because of MBTI, and said he'd told me he missed her and was going to hit her up. She said that wasn't possible, since she'd blocked him a year ago... I just thought that was weird and didn't think much of it, but she kept talking about how manipulative he was and how he was such a disgusting person who ruined her life and manipulated her for years to his benefit. I was starting to lean toward him being an asshole. But then I kept talking to him and he was always super nice to me; a superficial kind of nice, but nice nonetheless. From a rational point of view, he hadn't done anything to me, so why should I hate him?
​
We kept talking but not for long. I guess the combination of A talking shit about him with me and him being aware that we knew each other and we talked made for a weird atmosphere. I don't regret it much, but I like being on good terms with people. We didn't stop talking because of what A said about him, just there wasn't much interest on my part (he kept replying to my instagram stories and complimenting me, so I guess he was a bit attracted but I can't say for sure).
​
Now, A was never open about what happened between them, despite my insistence. I insist because I don't want to hate someone just from what my friends say; while I understand sometimes they are right to be mad, I also think there are always two sides to the story, and so I'm usually skeptical, even when they tell me the whole story. I hate being unfair to people just because someone pretty much ordered me to, which is kind of what happened. She started to become increasingly paranoid about me and him, asking if we were talking much and what we were talking about. A bit of backstory: T and A had known each other for some 4 years I think and they dated for two weeks. They never met in real life, he was an asshole to her, pretty much manipulating a naive girl into sending him nudes and being there for him while he went around flirting with other girls. I KNOW he was shitty, which is why I didn't want to get very involved with him, but I also didn't want to be outright a bitch (or a white knight I guess).
​
So one day T says "hey we need to talk", and I get a bit scared. He says I probably know that it's about A. He tells me he tried to talk to her, which I know because she showed me: he was super casual saying he missed her and she basically told him to fuck off and that she never wants him in her life again, saying how after they broke up he'd hit on her best friend and now he was doing the same thing to me just to get to her. Well, I don't want to be the one to say it but IT DID GET TO HER. I sent a print of the "hey we need to talk" bit to the group chat I had with A and our mutual friend. I had stuff to do so didn't deliver (also bc I was nervous about A's reaction since he'd pretty much trash talked her to me after the initial message). A asked "where's the rest? can you send the prints?" and I kept postponing it until she lost it and pretty much bullied me into showing her the convo. I said I didn't want to because it was going to hurt her, and she said she had the right to be hurt. I almost had a panic attack bc she wouldn't stop blowing up my phone. Before you say it, yes I know I messed up here and it was natural that she wanted to see the prints, but I told her what he'd said in them (albeit in a much nicer way since T was really a bitch to her). She wouldn't stop pressuring me to give her the damn convo, so I said fuck it, if you want to let your ex who you dated for 2 weeks affect you this much then be my fucking guest. Btw I tried to defend her in the prints, saying I understood why she blocked him and didn't want to talk to him. I wasn't SUPER WHITE KNIGHTE-Y about it, because I wanted to hear his side. Yes, the side of an abuser, I know I know. So after she saw the prints she said she didn't want to talk to me again about T or anything for a while and left the group chat. I didn't go after her, but I went into a panic that night, talking to my best friends trying to understand what exactly had happened. She usually insisted I show her my convos with him, meanwhile I never showed him any convos with her... Because he just didn't care. Now if you ask me, A has a great boyfriend now so I really don't understand how this affects her so much. I've also never had a boyfriend, but I have talked to my share of almost-boyfriends online, so I know how to spot a manipulative asshole and cut them right off. A didn't and she suffered for it. I suffered the first time, then I learned to get over it.
​
To sum up, A tried to talk to me again for a while, but I accidentally mentioned his name twice and she said she couldn't do it anymore so she left mid-conversation. I think she overreacted a lot, especially for someone who seemed to be so close to me. Btw I haven't talked to T since November when all of this stuff happened. Now I know how much of an asshole he is, but only because another friend who knew him told me since she wouldn't open up about it. A wished me a merry xmas to which I replied "merry xmas to you too, but when are you going to reply to me?". Took her some 10 days to reiterate that she was offended and couldn't understand how I could do that to her, and that maybe we really weren't compatible after all. She might be right...
​
So, reddit, am I the asshole for not taking her at her word and talking to him regardless? (Or also, am I the asshole for taking printscreens and posting them to the group chat? Actually I am, and I know that one, so don't mention it, I've learned my lesson.)
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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CLV7DnvHDDFWiOfdGoaiaIpVguF7IMBo
|
av87z3
|
{
"description": "cutting out my alcoholic dad",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: Cutting out my alcoholic dad
|
My alcoholic dad and I have been trying to have a relationship again after years of estrangement. This is hard because we live in different states (I'm in Indiana and he's in Pennsylvania). Things have been better for the past 6 months though. He called me first and said he was sober and wanted to work on things and get to know my daughter. He had missed out on my basic courthouse wedding, and felt bad about that. I was receptive and we started having calls on the weekends too.
My mom also lives in PA in my childhood home with my brother (29) and grandparents. My parents are divorced, but my family has been really great about letting my dad visit me and the baby when I stay with them. I had also checked with my brother and made sure he was comfortable with my dad being around, and he has been. Things were really good between me and my dad. I could tell my dad honestly about how stuff made me feel and he did the same. He was calm and didn't freak out when stuff was bothering him.
Anyway, 2 days ago we had a blow up fight. He had gotten into a fight with my mom Saturday about some tools he left at their house after the divorce. Legally they were hers now (he had 1.5 YEARS to move them and did nothing).
He was mad at ME because a few days prior he mentioned that he was drinking "two beers" at night and I said I didn't know how that made me feel. I think he's lying but I didnt say anything specific. He had been saying that he wasn't really an alcoholic, but that he was a "drunk" and had chosen to be drunk, which was a mistake.
Anyway, he told me he wasn't beholden to anyone and was an adult. He said he had the beer because he doesn't like soda and he coffee was keeping him up it was awful living alone with no money and I couldn't judge him for doing what he needed to feel better. He also said we all have our own "dependencies" and that clearly mine was I had "eaten too many huge hamburgers and it was starting to show a lot." (I've gained weight since the baby, have PPD and haven't lost the baby weight yet.)
And then he said he had no idea why the drinking bothered me so much because it wasn't that bad when I was living with him and I was out of the house all the time. I was also apparently really mouthy and its not like he hit me or anything. It could've been so much worse!
I calmly asked him if he thought it was unreasonable for me to feel nervous about him drinking and he said no at first, but then said again it wasn't any of my business and he was doing what he needed to.
I angrily started to list things that he did and made me feel shitty (he tried to rebut them), and then he brought up that he wasn't at my wedding because I didn't invite him. I told him we needed to stop talking then and we hung up.
I feel like he was just trying to hurt me as much as he could, and possibly because he is hurting too -- but I'm just so tired of trying with him and then getting shit on.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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X28EDz06hYVCibogElWKBrJx4W6qHGOT
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avojhh
|
{
"description": "not tipping a waiter(ess) when theres poor service",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not tipping a waiter(ess) when theres poor service?
|
I went out to eat with my friend last week, and long story short, the waitress took legitimately 45 minutes to bring our dessert to us. Someone else was seated at a table nearby and had eaten and left by the time we got our dessert. I wanted to leave after 20 mins of waiting, but my friend insisted on waiting.
When we split the bill, my friend put down some tip for the waitress, to which I responded "why would you tip? That service was awful", and she looked at me like I was insane. She then explained that she always tips no matter what.
I've worked in the service industry before, and my living was 90% tip. Yeah, it was shitty customers didnt tip, but no ones forcing them to. Where I'm from, service is included in the bill because people are actually paid for their labor by the establishment. Am I the asshole for not tipping in that situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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b96a4p
|
{
"description": "being disgruntled for giving my spouse half of my tax return",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being disgruntled for giving my spouse half of my tax return
|
So firstly, some back story on our relationship and financial situation:
My boyfriend and I have a mortgage together along with the normal bills that come along with owning a home. Plus 2 car payments, student loans, etc. You know, the typical bills everyone is overwhelmed with. My boyfriend makes close to 60k a year where I make closer to 35k. Our mortgage is roughly 1800 a month. We have a daughter together and I have 2 other daughters from a previous relationship. Currently, he refuses to get a joint account. I’ve tried to push combining our finances but he refuses at this point. I believe it’s because he distrusts me with money. So he currently pays for the mortgage, car insurance and his phone bill. I pay for everything else. The electric, water, both car payments, internet, Netflix subscription, daycare costs, our mutually shared credit card (that we used to pay for renovations in our home) and any other expense you can think of incurring. I foolishly wracked up over $6000 on a credit card by buying items for our home such as a new mattress and other household items. I can’t remember the last time I purchased something for myself, alone. Everything I purchase benefits all members of the family or is used by the family. I also have an agreement with my ex that I will claim the kids and give him a percentage that matches the amount time that he has the kids, so about 40% of what I received for the two oldest.
Now, I did get a decent amount of money back this year. I was really excited at being able to pay my credit card off and having money left over for savings as it just makes me feel secure having it in there. Well, my boyfriend asked for his half of the return for the children since he provides for them also. So after paying off my credit card and giving him his portion. I now have only $300 in my bank account. Am I wrong for being pissed for having give this to him? Every pay period, I am struggling to keep my head above water with all the bills I pay. I’ve tried talking to him about how I understand he thinks it’s “fair” for us to pay 50/50 of the bills. But I think he struggles to comprehend that I also make nearly half of what he does. I’m constantly scraping by every month and never seem to be able save any money.
Am I the asshole for being disgruntled and pissed off for having to give him half, leaving me with virtually no left over money for my own security?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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29W1R0BnPq0oE7HiAY7nQdbKkxYmW7M2
|
ao47l1
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed at my girlfriend's 3 year old brother",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed at my girlfriend's 3 year old brother?
|
So me and my girlfriend have been dating for just over a year. Let me get out of the way that we love each other to no end, and communication between us is clear and there are no relationship problems that stem from this or any problems causing this.
​
We both have a busy day. I balance work as well as college and it takes up a big chunk of my daily life, as well as hers. However I always manage to make at least a little time for my girlfriend in the evening and spend a few hours with her since it is easier for me to visit her than vice versa. We are not independent just yet, so that means when I go visit her I also see her siblings (both of which are pleasant, don't get me wrong).
​
The problem lies with how her 3 year old brother gets. Every time I visit, he's either crawled all up on her or between the two of us, and I hardly get time to cuddle or have physical interaction with my SO. It's been this way for a while, and it's starting to annoy me because I don't have a whole lot of time with her, and the time I manage to carve out I spend 2/3 of it with her little brother being the center of attention. I've brought it up to her before and she defends him by saying that he's only 3 and doesn't understand any better. My thinking though is if he doesn't understand any better, why not try to help him understand? Obviously in a way that can be digested easily by a 3 year old.
​
I get it, I genuinely do. I've had a really young sibling before and it's still fresh in my memory how much of a ball of energy they can be. I've had to explain to her (my sibling) what things are acceptable, and what things aren't (in a really simple/rudimentary and most importantly kind way that got across to her, more or less). But it still irks me a little that no action is taken and it's justified by saying he's 3. I just find it a kinda disheartening that I visit my girlfriend to spend time with her but it gets divided between me and someone that already sees her far more often than I do, but at the same time I feel invalidated because he's just a 3 year old and naturally wants to spend time with his sister. AITA, guys?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
c27xz4q30TsAfFWffMavdgyqVV92sRyb
|
9zv7of
|
{
"description": "not paying for my friends phone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not paying for my friends phone?
|
The other night i had one of my friends over for the night. He fell asleep on the couch and i guess he accidentally left it on the floor. I walked in the living room in the morning and did not notice it on the ground and stepped on it. It completely shattered and will barely work because of this. After that happend he got super pissed at me and tried to argue that i had to pay it. I refused to pay it and now he will not speak to me at all. Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
HxWf1BUk6QsTA19FNWPAyKHzgc8LkJqQ
|
b080h9
|
{
"description": "yelling at a mentally disabled kid",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for yelling at a mentally disabled kid?
|
Okay, note that I was 6/7 when this happened (around 8/9 years ago). First time posting, formatting might be off, sorry.
When I was 6, I joined this art studio for traditional Chinese painting, and I loved it. I remember that something happened, and my schedule was messed up, so I had to transfer over to another time slot. It was basically the same. Same teacher, same stuff that you do. Except for one thing: everyone you know is in another class now, so you gotta make new friends.
I was a social kid, so I hit it off with another girl around a year or two older than me. She was nice and took care of me when I just joined the class. Enter the kid. He was around 16/17 years old at that time. I think he had mild autism and tended to have some anger issues.
He was really good at what we did in class. Like AMAZING. It was like he painted masterpieces every class, stuff like that. The teacher would let him demonstrate. But there was one problem... he liked to pick a kid in the class (he was the oldest excluding the teacher) to bully until the kid either changed time slots or dropped out of the class. The art studio couldn't do anything since the parents would kick up a fuss for discrimination.
I remember that the last target had left that semester (3 months per semester, idk how that worked but it did) and my friend had the bad luck to sit next to him that week, right when he was looking for a new target. Unsurprisingly, he picked her as the new target. Since that week, he would yell insults across the room at her. She was calm enough to not react, but one week I yelled back at him. Like, "Stop being mean, you stupid" or something like that. A childish insult, I'll admit, but I didn't know how to insult people back then.
Somehow, that 'insult' set him off, and he literally flipped his chair to walk over and put ink on my art. (With Chinese traditional art, you can't cover any mistake up like you might be able to with watercolour. So this was a big deal for me then). I grabbed my art and hid under the table so he wouldn't get me. Got a warning, nothing else happened.
After that, the entire lesson became somewhat of a war zone between me and him. He'd start treating the entire situation like a game, while I was the one getting angry at him. Continued on for a month until I set him off again. (Forgot the details, sorry.) His parents complained, I got kicked out of the class and transferred over to another class which did different things. No more traditional Chinese art for me, I guess.
Honestly, I haven't seen the guy around (or my friend) again since. I still draw at the same place, and still make small talk with my (then) teacher from time to time. He's a nice guy, understood that I was trying to protect my friend then (he was the reason why I was able to continue learning in the studio).
When I think about it now, I don't regret protecting my friend from that guy, but I do wish that I'd handled it better.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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FbAAFRLt2BDLrb6Oty43hC3Mu0BZFgG1
|
b6b7c9
|
{
"description": "ignoring this girl",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ignoring this girl?
|
I know it sounds bad, Hear me out.
​
So me and this girl and me have been talking for awhile and she has been showing a little more and a little more each time we talk. She has asked for my phone number and i gave it to her, and she sent me an 8 ball. She starts texting me more and more over the span of a week or two and it gets to the point where if i dont respond in about 30 min she will send me 2-4 other texts asking why i havent replied. A couple days after she starts getting a bit "Clingy", she asked to talk to me privately and i ask her. She starts asking me if im interested in her and all sorts of crazy things. I tried my best to be nice and told her "No, i dont", then told her we could talk about it later. I try my best to be nice but i am trying to avoid contact with her as i dont want that kind of relationship with her.
​
So AITA for trying to distance myself from that?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
lndoO3DI0yPmHXbIA7QakXQnfaBlQnhd
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am3zrr
| null |
AITA because my friend who is filming a movie has fired me for my behavior?
|
Let’s start with the fact that my friend who I have known for a very long time and got him a job at where I work because he needed money as an actor, wrote a short film a long time ago and filmed it, but he lost all the footage because his hard drive died. Since then, he has rewritten the film to be a feature length movie, and asked me to record all the audio for it.
When I agreed to help him with the project, he told me it would be around 2 months of filming. As a side note, I went to school for audio engineering, and have been using that as a side project to make extra money while I work my normal day job, where I was the one to get him hired.
This project is his swan song. He has worked on it for a very long time, and wanted me to come in on the new version of it to create his vision. It’s a feature length film, and he has brought a lot of people into the project to work on it, all for free.
I told him when he asked me to do the audio for it that I was willing to help because he is a friend. He told me it would be done in December of last year. As of now, we will be done in March. I work a full time job as a Supervisor, which means I work at the very least 40 hours a week. He has taken it upon himself to request my two days off a week for me in order to film his scenes. Every time we film, we go at least 2-3 hours past when he scheduled it to be done.
I have been in a very long fight with my fiancée. We are having a lot of problems, and one of them is that I never spend time with her anymore. I have been filming or working my job every single day for the last few months. The last day off that I had to do nothing was at the beginning of January, and my fiancée didn’t even have that day off. I haven’t spent a full day with her for months. So I brought that up with him, and he didn’t care, and didn’t change the shooting schedule in the slightest bit. Even when I tell him we have to be done at the time he scheduled it to be done, we still go past that.
I found out very recently that my fiancée might have breast cancer. I have not been dealing with anything very well lately, and brought a bottle to drink the other day. I admittedly got more drunk than I intended, and realize that that is entirely my fault. But today he told me that I have made the entire crew uncomfortable with how I acted and that he doesn’t want me on the set anymore.
I have been donating my time for free for months now, giving up a relationship with my fiancée, giving up paying projects because I told him I would help him. I feel like I owe him, because I told him I would help him. But it’s gone FAR beyond what I agreed to. And now him and the entire crew are telling me I’m in the wrong and they don’t want me there anymore.
Am I in the wrong? Should I continue working for free for the last month that we’re filming? I feel it might hurt my reputation in the small community I live in if I don’t finish this and don’t fight it. But at the same time, I’m going through a lot right now. I understand it was wrong of me for drinking on the set, but I’m going through a lot right now, and I don’t know how else to handle the situation.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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h3IiwNlzQ0SAsr3bmb31GKmqVr7QQs2Y
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a09v2j
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{
"description": "agreeing to do a favor for a friend, but backing out last minute",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for agreeing to do a favor for a friend, but backing out last minute?
|
I'm a PhD student. Aside from working on my thesis, I also teach, tutor, grade papers, hold workshops, participate in seminars, attend conferences, meet my supervisor ... All stereotypical grad school stuff. It's deadline-after-deadline.
My department has a brand new post-doc named Samuel, who came from Scotland. He does research with my supervisor, as well as teach courses on campus --- it's also really busy for post-docs. I showed him around when he first started here, and we became friends quickly, often having lunch together and playing video games on the weekend. Even our research areas are similar.
Around a month ago, Sam told me his graduation is at the beginning of November and he's traveling to Scotland. So he asked me if I can cover three of his lectures while he's traveling. I agreed, assuming that the department would pay me for my time: prep for three lectures can be 6-7 hours of lecture time, which would be probably at least $200.
But about two weeks ago, some of my impending deadlines started seeming worse: I have two workshops this week and next, and I have to create and submit a final exam by this Thursday. The workshops are for high school students and are about two hours each, and I have to create problem sets with full solutions, in addition to designing \~3 hours of lectures --- I've been working nonstop on this for two weeks and I'm still not done. And the final exam is for a class I'm teaching, I have to come up with fair problems and then time the exam to make sure it's fair to the students, which takes hours of trial-and-error. TBH I have not had time to even start writing the exam, and it's due for mass printing in four days (the sitting is in two weeks). In fact I'm feeling guilty writing this post because I have to get back to work.
Knowing all this, about two weeks ago I told Sam that I might not be able to cover his lecture. In retrospect, I should have said "cannot", but I figured my lack of sleep is less important than his graduation. So I told him to PLEASE look for someone else to cover him, ask EVERYONE he knows (other grad students, other profs teaching the same course, etc), and if he still can't find someone THEN I will do it. Looking back, I think everything I said was just an winded asshole-y way to say "I can't do it". He also told me last week that I would not be getting paid, so now it's just a pure favor that I can't afford to do.
But I told him all this two weeks ago, so I thought it'd be fair notice.
But he has not been looking for a replacement. He is just banking on me despite what I told him about my schedule. I just got a mass email from him on FRIDAY asking if anyone will cover him --- that's less than a week from the lecture. Why didn't he send this email sooner? And he only sent it to grad students (which is why I got it). There are several profs teaching the same class as him, so it would take less prep time for them because they have already prepared the lessons, but he hasn't asked any of them yet. I think he's been super lazy about trying to find someone despite how I told him I really don't have the time to cover him.
So now his graduation trip has become *my* problem. I think he should have actually tried to find someone --- especially given what I told him about my schedule --- but on the other hand, I should have just given him a straight "no" at the outset. I realize it's too late for me to back out, but I don't know how to tell him to *try harder* *to find a replacement* without being a dick.
AITA?
**tl;dr** *I told my friend I would teach three of his lectures while he travels back home. But I have a lot of deadlines that exact week, so I told him I will only do it if he can't find anyone else. He has not found anyone else, but I don't think he's tried very hard. I'm thinking of backing out because I'm way too busy.*
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
0hyapFPssWPtIDOIhbxKtyMEfKJbtxMH
|
a56let
|
{
"description": "wanting to take a break from my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to take a break from my best friend?
|
My mom passed away in February. After this my sister (F28) started to sleep with my best friend and roommate (M23) of 4 years. I told them then that I was not alright with this and that it would really strain my relationship with both of them. They continued but tried to keep it behind closed doors. Last month my friend told me he wanted to date my sister, I still was uneasy about this but it's their lives and who am I to stop them. My sister and I still both live at home because it's cheaper and last night my friend came over for the first time not to visit me but to just visit her. AITA for being irrationally angry that my friend is coming to my home and visiting my sister and not me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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RIGHT
|
8gJ0bl7xNVmBJYPU7qtaD0zpPMZqwAVf
|
b2qfyj
|
{
"description": "leaving girlfriends house early because of parents",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for leaving girlfriends house early because of parents?
|
I am 21 my girlfriend is 19. She lives with her parents and when I come over I could only have her out the house for 2 hours so today we used the 2 hours to watch captain marvel and she had to be back. Keep in mind her parents are very strict so when we go back to her house its either sit in the living room or go outside the house and get watched from the inside. No privacy. I got fed up with her mom constantly spying on us and just said Im done and that I couldn’t stand not being to take her out over 2 hours and left. I understand its their house their rules but AITA for leaving her house earlier than usual?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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RIGHT
|
wLv4bK6Ep3pdefJDT7lLEpxQyZt3Dy6t
|
b83grx
|
{
"description": "asking my friends to reimburse me for the travel costs when this subject was not discussed before the trip",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA If i ask my friends to reimburse me for the travel costs when this subject was not discussed before the trip ?
|
Three friends and I crossed part of France (12h for the whole trip) with my car to rent a cottage in the mountains in order to spend a full vacation week there.
we had planned to share the costs (cottage rent, groceries, and some activities) in 4 equal parts.
One of my friends has fully paid the costs during the week, and after the trip, we will pay them our share.
On the other hand, I did not specify, before the trip, that we should also share the costs during the trip (fuel, and gate tolls).
at the present time, the holidays are finished, and the next time we will all see each other, everyone will pay the money they owe.
But I find it unfair to have to pay the full cost of the trip, when I have agreed to take my friends to the mountains.
would I be labelled as an asshole if I asked them to reimburse me for part of the travel costs, when this topic has not been mentioned (my fault), and the holidays are already over?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
UGp21OMQNsWOoJVK2EOF3ye5UXQVdI5f
|
azy8om
|
{
"description": "moving out after parents want me to stay home",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Moving Out After Parents Want Me To Stay Home?
|
So for some context, I (20M) am a college student with a lot on my plate. My college is in a different city so I am rarely at my parents house. I had applied to a research position that would have forced me to stay on the college campus over the summer. Unfortunately I got rejected and my mother said "it's a relief you got rejected so you can be home." This rubbed me the wrong way so much that I signed up for summer classes and decided to move into a house that I had set up for next semester early. I am going to find a job to pay for the rent.
​
Am I the asshole for reacting this way because they say they miss me and want me home. But it seemed rude of them to 'celebrate my failure,' I don't know.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
hLIFvAll7bNYN5UYy9ddZIbEtCu6Y6eO
|
b899k7
|
{
"description": "getting upset at people for sitting at the table I was sitting at",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for getting upset at people for sitting at the table I was sitting at?
|
For lunch (30 min) I usually go to this cafeteria. I chose the earliest lunch since it's not busy during that time. I get my lunch go to the condiment stand and place my plate on a table for 6. When I'm done adding the condiments I look up to see someone was sitting at my usual table for 2. I was going to get my plate sit somewhere else but notice the cafeteria was empty and this table of 6 was near the dish drop off so to save time I decided to stay.
Few minutes later I hear this man saying "it's not fair having all that space for one." He comes over places his bag on the chair next to me and on top of my work bag and sits on the next chair. Two other people join him no one acknowledging me at all. I'm sitting at this table with 3 other people I don't know completely being ignored while they talk about personal issues ( someone they know has a mental disability). I know I should have said something before hand. In reality if they would have asked me if they could join me I would have said yes and then been upset with myself and not them but they didn't.
I finished my meal and while I picked up my plate I said:. " You know usually people ask if someone is sitting there? Or do you you mind if we join you? ...or maybe I wanted to be alone"
Same man as before: "then you should have moved!" Points to the empty tables
Me: "I was already here, I was already here" repeating myself since he kept saying the same thing.
Man: "Go get some manners"
Me:" I'll meet you there" though I don't think he heard me since I was walking away.
I said all this in a calm manner. Yes I know I was sitting at a table for six but it wasn't busy there where other tables of 6 and 4. Was I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
fxbUwd0Zf9mQ4HtpjTsa7xLmeDfcnJz3
|
b9a10z
|
{
"description": "not contributing to my classmates gift",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not contributing to my classmates gift?
|
My classmate's/friend's birthday is today and I have been making her gift for almost a month now. I needed to find some specific things, so it took some time.
Few days ago I was talking to this other girl (I'll call her OG) , also my friend. She told me, that she is planning a huge surprise for the classmate (I'll call her Bday girl). OG told me, that she thought of buying Bday girl balloons, 17 balloons, to be exact. Since it's her 17th birthday. OG said, that the balloons will cost 35 euros and that she and 9 other people already collected the money. She said, that if I also contributed, then the price for each person will be smaller.
I didn't want to do that. I've known Bday girl for several years now, but we are not that close to eachother. We do talk and hang out, but only during school, unlike OG, who spends a lot more time with her.
And buying balloons as a gift, especially for a 17 birthday is weird for me. 18- okay, but for 17th birthday I would have thought of something else. Coupon, maybe some several smaller things.
When I make gifts, I go for the cheap but simbolic route. I bought a gift, that is like an inside joke.
I also remembered my birthday this year:
OG forgot and bought me 2 packets of Tic Tacs, and Bday girl completely forgot and didn't get me anything, she didn't even say anything. The next day she brought me a tube of chocolates, even though months before I told her, that I cannot eat chocolate.
When it was my bday, they didn't care so much, but now they want me to contribute. I told OG:
Oh no, I can't. I still need to buy some candy to put in Bday's girl present.
She went silent, we continued learning and etc. Last night she sent me several photos of the balloons. She decided that 17 balloons was too much, so she bought a huge number 17 balloons and several smaller ones.
After the 1st lesson this older girl was waiting with the balloons, filming the girl. After a minute or so of singing happy birthday, the older girl was naming all of the people, that contributed to the gift - the balloons. The Bday girl laughed, and then had to take the balloons to some other classroom, so she wouldn't have to bring those balloons around school.
I think I already did enough, when I made the simbolic gift. AITA for not contributing to the balloons?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
6KQRyqT94thbdkyrsgixsPFxxHX4T5Bl
|
afu8vx
|
{
"description": "being uncomfortable with my boyfriends friend asking personal questions",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being uncomfortable with my boyfriends friend asking personal questions
|
My boyfriend is friends with lots of girls. But he has known this particular girl for quite a while and they're very close. She was interested in him years ago before we started dating but he didn't feel the same.
We are currently on a romantic getaway unbeknownst to her. And they had a brief text conversation last night about someone on tinder who sent her a dick pic. This morning she then proceeded to ask him penis related questions such as:
Are they heavy?
Do they have a mind of their own?
Are they uncomfortable?
How do you keep them in your pants?
And a couple more
We've been dating for over a year and I'm not questioning his faithfulness.
Am I the asshole for being uncomfortable with her asking and him answering these questions?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
shDqkO56YLOdDwuGliDKJfEvdJHiey1w
|
aljsk5
|
{
"description": "being unhappy and upset that an old friend group wants nothing to do with me and labeled me as a bad person",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being unhappy and upset that an old friend group wants nothing to do with me and labeled me as a bad person?
|
I used to be friends with three people, and we were pretty close and would all talk or play games almost every day. The friendship wasn’t too long, as it only lasted for about 4 months.
While I was friends with them, I was struggling through mental problems like depression and anxiety, and so I was beginning to rely on to them as my main source of happiness once the school year ended (understandably a bad thing), since I didn’t really have any other friends at the time and was having trouble with social anxiety.
Once August came by, there was an instance where two of them were just talking privately, and due to past experiences, I felt that it was to avoid me since they weren’t responding to me asking if they wanted to play a game or just talk, and responded to everything else being said. I mentioned that to them and they told me it was just something personal, but they were playing something afterward since it wasn’t a long conversation and just decided to stay in their private call instead of moving where me and this other friend could join in. Moving on after that occurrence and September, I started having more thoughts that they secretly hated being around me and didn’t actually appreciate my company, and were doing it just out of pity or something. This gave me a lot of anxiety, especially since I kept repeating a problem like back in August where I thought they just wanted to avoid and get rid of me. Eventually it got to the point where they did in fact want space away from me, and yet I still joined their lobby in game and asked what was happening, and if they just wanted to get rid of me or something. Eventually it caused one of these friends to feel like I was just directing it all on her, since I began specifically making my messages toward her out of anxiety because they went silent. This made her really upset since she usually goes quiet to calm herself down and not say anything she might regret,
A day later, I talked to her and the other friends about it and she was very angry at me for what I kept doing and repeating. I tried saying that I was sorry and not trying to do it on purpose, and they were all aware of me being really depressed and having some other troubles. Eventually the conversation spiraled into her saying something about wanting to be friends, and wanting to be someone I can rely on if I need them, but I need to stop causing her and the rest of them feel like they are being controlled by me and that I need to stop doing that. Afterward i don’t remember what I said, but I remember something the lines of I don’t know what to do and that I’m just sorry about everything I kept doing, I just don’t know how to stop feeling like that and repeating it. She started crying during the call after what I said and left it for the rest of the night.
A day later, I notice she made her own discord server and the other two friends were in it. I found it on social media since I thought it was just something interesting so I joined it. I was kicked out a bit later and messaged her and the other friends what exactly was going on. I was under a lot of stress and worry that this was all going to be a repeat of the past and what I kept being scared of happening, which was them getting rid of me. She never replied to the message or call I tried sending, and the other two friends just basically told me they don’t know. As more and more time went on, more problems arose between me and the other two friends since I kept talking to them for support throughout my confusion, and getting upset and asking too much from them.
One day, the conversation I had between one of the friends led to him telling me he was taking screenshots of all of our conversations throughout each week, showing them to her and the other friend. A bit later, things spiraled down and he got upset and cried because he felt attacked due to me using bolding, caps lock, etc. to kind of show my surprise and confusion as to why he would be doing that. A little later I got a long message from her saying that I’m being unempathetic to all of them and that she wants me to no longer talk to her at all. I asked if I can respond and was told it would be just a waste of time, but I tried saying I’m sorry anyway. The next several days felt awful for me, and I kept talking to the other two friends as well as other people for help. I eventually came up with sending an apology letter and gift despite being told in her long message that an apology was “way overdue.” I asked if she got it the same night and all I got was a thumbs up emoji.
Another week or so passed, and during the amount of time I spent seeking support and advice on what was going on, I was given the suggestion and idea to try calling her just for closure on it all and apologize or something. I tried doing that, and I kept saying “hello?” Because no one was responding. Eventually they hung up and I got an angry message from one of the friends asking why and if I was trying to call her. Later that day I noticed she left my discord server, as well as another one of the friends in our circle. I messaged her what happened and why this was going on, why apologizing didn’t matter and that I just don’t understand. I got blocked from every social media and removed from them. She got forced out of my class we shared at school for the semester, and I was forced to do it for the second semester so she could have the teacher for the second half of the year.
Over the course of all of that I had looked for help and support for my anxiety and problems, and I’ve made newer friends and became an overall less anxious and clingy person, but still get uncomfortable knowing that if I see them, I cannot contact them at all or think of them as a close friend anymore. They’ve also been rude when I did try contacting them those times, and one of the other friends blocked me as well since they kept insulting me when i tried messaging them about it all and I decided to insult them back, and so I got blocked as well. The third friend understands what I’m going through and knows I’m sorry, but said he’s just staying away for his own past experiences and in case of this happening again, since it was a huge negative impact on him.
So... AITA in this whole situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
Wnx9z28UzfyyxEHAOCIWntGBzrFejTpe
|
anzodm
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friend
|
AITA for being mad at my friend. Okay so I'm on a girls trip with 4 of my friends. Me and Jessica (not real name) share a bed. She left the bed in the middle of the night to go sleep on the other room because apparently I fart in my sleep. I would understand if not for the fact that the previous night she peed in the bed and I stayed. It wasn't a little bit of pee either, her underwear was soaked. I'm sorry if this is a litgle bit too much information but I'm genuinely mad. She also has quite the princess complex and I've actually had quite enough of it. Thanks for listening to my thoughts.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
4L6YSvauugwzFRkYe4wLSwWnL5FfLftO
|
a5bb5a
|
{
"description": "being friends with my boyfriend's ex",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being friends with my boyfriend’s ex?
|
So, me [19F] and my boyfriend [22M] have been together for a year. He broke up with his ex-gf [21F] a little over a year ago. At first, the ex and I didn’t get along. Like, at all. I recently made things right with her (about a month ago). And I found out she was going to a con that I was also going to. So I said, “Hey, let’s hang out.” At this point, I didn’t think my bf would be coming. But he decided to come, and I didn’t tell her because I was afraid of what she’d say. Their relationship was super toxic, and emotionally manipulative on her part. So she found out this morning, and messaged me in a panic about him coming. I told her I would keep them apart (why I have to babysit and mediate between two grown adults is beyond me), and it seemed to calm her down a little. But she hasn’t responded to my last text. On top of that, my bf has been mad at me and in a funk all day about this. I don’t feel like it’s my fault? Like he was fine with going, KNOWING she was gonna be there until she found out. Then he 180’d. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna ruin my relationship, but I don’t wanna ruin this con for the ex. It’s her last one here before she moves and I just... want her to have fun. But I also want my bf to come, and to hang out with both of them. Am I the asshole for thinking it would be okay? Am I forcing him to be in a space with an emotionally abusive ex?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
33jqPB3Hf4LctjsXI7VxJUFaDn9HAOdF
|
aylcmb
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be around homeless people",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be around homeless people?
|
I know how the title sounds, so here's the deal. My friend says that I need to get off of my high horse. I like to go to the public library in my city to check out books and also do some work in their computer area. As is the case with many libraries in urban areas, there are a ton of homeless people there who come to spend time and take shelter.
Now, I understand why they come there. It's one of the only places (maybe the only place) besides a shelter where they are allowed to come in, get warm, be treated civilly. And the library allows it, so as long as they're not being disruptive there's a mutual understanding.
However I find that I just do not like being around so many of them. I know this makes me sound like a sheltered, elitist asshole. But I'll be sitting there and actually will have to cover my nose because someone sitting next to me smells so bad. Someone a little ways in front of me is watching porn in full view. Someone a few seats down is constantly making noise. It's just not a conducive atmosphere for working/relaxing/studying.
I am fully aware that I have the choice to go elsewhere, like coffee shops or home, to do my work. And I understand that it would be very unfair of me to expect the library to not allow homeless people to come. That is their prerogative and I get that the library can be a sanctuary of sorts for the homeless. But, it turns into the opposite of a sanctuary for others.
I made the mistake of casually commenting to my friend about the number of homeless at given times of the day at this library and she got very offended and said I was being elitist and needed to show empathy. I explained that I do have empathy for the plight of the homeless, and that I don't expect them to be banished from the library, but I simply **do not** want to be in that atmosphere.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
jVJZP73bLtVMzOzQEujE6s76se3A1iQo
|
abpgk7
|
{
"description": "telling my ex's dad about his drinking problem since it contributed to our break-up",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For telling my ex's dad about his drinking problem since it contributed to our break-up?
|
Last one was deemed shit-post, lemme start over.
I walked in on my boyfriend of 6 weeks in bed with another woman Friday morning. He kept apologizing, trying to offer an explanation, wanting to hear the whole story,claiming she was just his ride to work the next day since his jeep is broken (which is true) etc. Followed by gaslighting for making me question his intentions. I blocked him, everywhere. Obviously there wasn't much more to it I needed to hear.
I believe his actions, regardless of intent or what actually happened, was influenced by heavy drinking the night before. I drove him to the bar MYSELF before going to work (I work graveyard shift in a hospital lab). He was meeting a friend to watch hockey, he claims this girl was his friend's daughter (so they know each other) who drove him home because he was too drunk. The next morning I saw them lying next to each other. In hindsight, this may be the second time, the first on Christmas Eve, a woman walked out the back door when I got home from work, although banter between he and his roommate the next morning suggested it was his roommate's hook-up. In this instance, I asked him who she was when I found him in bed naked, he said he didn't know and "I always sleep naked"...did they both fuck this girl?? That's gross. Anyway, I didn't see whose room she walked from. I think something happened christmas eve as well, he just didn't remember. He once told me the morning after sleeping with me "i don't remember anything, I just know I had sex". Gross.. layers of gross...
I don't know how he thought I would take it or if he even knew what he would be waking up to the next morning, either way I was pretty upset. One of them could have easily taken the couch, so he either cheated, intended to cheat, or was too fucked up to make any rational decisions and know what he was doing.
The time we were together, he would get into beer and liquor from getting home from work until passing out. He went to bed with vodka and lemonade at the bedside. He drinks and drives constantly (even with me in the car, which I voiced as an issue) and goes through pints of whiskey in no time. Now it has ended the relationship and I am tempted to tell his father, whom I have only met once and who I was told to say nothing to about his drinking and gambling.
I want to forgive him and move on. Besides, even after "I love yous", and me practically living with him the time we were together (which makes it even weirder he let me witness that) I want to move on. However I am worried it will be viewed as prying, petty, or my intention would seem misguided.
Tl;dr should I tell cheating ex's father about his alcohol abuse, or would it seem petty?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
EhYOluHHUkofNf5BwOOlAzmk9QCPUgGy
|
b1rkk8
|
{
"description": "not selling my friend my xbox",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For not selling my friend my Xbox
|
So I have this Xbox I don't have time for anymore and I decided I want to sell it. My friend asks if he could buy it but I have a problem with that.
A few weeks ago I sold his older brother a few games and he hasn't paid me the $30 he owes me. I know you should never sell anything without getting the money first, but I've know this family for years and are good friends of mine. Also this older brother has blocked me from all communication.
So would I be an asshole if I didn't sell the Xbox to him until I got my $30?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
1roGTB2p4ByjPPhJ22iLVHa9FgEpKgTN
|
b5kqqr
|
{
"description": "not wanting to spend time with my girlfriend because she distracts me from school",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA if I don't want to spend time with my girlfriend because she distracts me from school?
|
I've naturally been an excelling student while growing up but until a few months ago I found myself having a relationship with a girl I've had a crush on for the longest time. I love her down to the Earth but recently I've found myself not being able to focus my time on school as I dedicate a lot of time to her throughout the day where I get little to no time to do my work. My grades have dropped heavily and I want to spend less time with her but when I hinted at it a few days ago she seemed upset. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
FPwwFurRTPvcc57FTo1jJiFP11sjx3WR
|
ahodwl
|
{
"description": "calling my bf out in public for not washing his hands",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for calling my bf out in public for not washing his hands?
|
I have been with my bf (m27) for almost 5 years now. I am a very germaphobic person because my immune system is almost non-existent and am sick at least once monthly. My bf is AWFUL about washing his hands and anytime he is at my apartment I basically have to force him to go back in the bathroom after pissing to wash his hands. He says there is no need, he unzips his pants lets his dick flop out and then zips them right back up without ever touching anything.
(I’m sorry for this comment but cmon man your dick isn’t 15 inches long it doesn’t just escape the underwear pocket on command)
Anyways, we went out to eat after work the other night (he is a mailman that touches mail from god knows where) and he stopped at the restroom before we were seated. I asked if he washed his hands and he said “no need”. In front of the hostess I very loudly said “you have been at work all day delivering mail, petting dogs, and pissing and you don’t see a NEED to wash your hands?!”
He was very embarrassed and pretty pissed at me the remainder of the night/week.
So AITA for thinking people should wash their hands?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
j6DgjYgwmPG8VC6ZyLxY9PEslxEuXZa3
|
b94xxp
|
{
"description": "dating my Roommates High School Girl",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA: Dating My Roommates High School Girl
|
I live in the dorms at ASU and my roommate is someone from my high school, we were never really friends but over summer I started inviting him to parties and shiz like that to get to know him before moving in together. Once we finally moved in together there turned out to be a girl on out floor who also went to our school, I had never met her before but my roommate was pretty tight with her. By pretty tight with her I mean that he had asked her on multiple dates before and even though things didn't end up working out they stayed close friends. After he introduced us we started hanging out a lot more often with each other and fast forward 3 months I ask her out. I never told my roommate anything about this cause I didn't want him to be upset especially if it wasn't a sure thing yet. He eventually found out I was gonna be going out with her because a mutual friend told him. He then stopped hanging out with everyone who was related to the group. If it were someone I was close friends with I never would have asked the girl but I don't even like the kid and I personally don't know what the rule is for roommates. Do they follow friend rules? Acquaintance rules? If I'm not friends with him is it anarchy? Who knows? What I do know is I am officially Mr. Steal your girl.
​
Some Fast Facts to help my judgement;
1. His "date" was about 9 months before I asked out the girl.
2. The two of them never even kissed
3. I never bring her over to the dorm when he is here because I don't want to shove it in his face
4. Maybe we're quick to judge but we think he may just be using her for a beard, (He's kissed 14 dudes, which good for him but also that's a lot of dudes for only kissing 6 chicks or at least that's what he told us when we were playing hot seat)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
IMWJookbHrPct2wQoaUNHqOstadIBmaK
|
a3p2l3
|
{
"description": "reminding my ex, I'm getting screwed over in the devorce",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for reminding my ex, I'm getting screwed over in the devorce?
|
Hear me out, her mom is a just no narcissistic bitch who I have it confirmed she is trying to insist I get nothing. My ex has only recently developed a spine. I want to know if I'm the asshat for having a plan garantee a 50/50 split to threaten her mother with. That split would put my ex in a lot of debt (read mom and dad would pay) and I do not want to do that to her. My ex is a good person and we have agreed on how to go forward but her mom is taking things and hiding them! Saying things like "leave it here or she'll take it, she doesn't need to know." forgetting that the car is mine, half the thousands of dollars in movies (ex is a collector) are mine, and don't forget the collectables I'm leaving also priced in the thousands. all I want is half the dishes and her mom to butt out. That's it.
Edit: we have reached an agreement, her mom doesn't like it and has taken to hiding things to keep things from me. I don't want to split things 50/50 but if her mom keeps doing these things I don't know what else to do.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
g7gkHZghLN2uCRrf58vy4Q0PJjtcX6QX
|
ab7zui
| null |
AITA puupy vs football
|
Basically, I'm 14, I have been hoping for a puppy since I could talk. When I found out we would be getting a little beagle boy called Harley, me and my sister were overwhelmed with excitement, and still are!
However, my dad, evem though he is also excited, cares more about saturday football than making his first few days home more comfortable.
I'm from Scotland, and no matter how much you dislike football over here, you have to put up with it. My dad is a big football fan, and I go to games because I enjoy supporting my local team and spending time with my cousin. We were told by the breeder, who lives on the lake district, in northem England (two hour drive), that the earliest we can come is saturday the 19th.
But them my dad moved it back to the Sunday because of football. I find this really selfish, because this is a new life and a new family member who will be taken from his mother to a new home, and he should be as comfortable as we can make him. But to my dad, football is more important.
I got annoyed, he got annoyed back, and now I have kind of fallen out with him for it. My mum agrees but doesn't want me to bring it up. Is he right or am I right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
5ZGACYvx37y7gLUkRRaTewIGpGOCx5ZI
|
b4h19h
|
{
"description": "telling my fiancée I don't want to get married with money another man gave her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for telling my fiancée I don't want to get married with money another man gave her?
|
Very long story short, neither of us have jobs right now. We are staying with friends in a new area who are letting us get on our feet and comfortable with the area.
We are making moves to get our shit together and be productive. I just got my ID yesterday and we are earnestly looking for jobs.
We regularly talk about our plans to save up, move out, and finally get married and that makes me happy. It's something I'm very excited about. We talk about the freedoms we would have and the comfort.
Earlier today, she asked if I wanted to go through the marriage legal process very soon. I told her that I didn't. Obviously, she asked me why and I told her that money was an issue and that I wanted to wait until we were situated on our own.
"It's not expensive," she told me, "It's only like 60 bucks."
I told her that's pretty expensive for people who don't have jobs or money.
When she showed me she had almost $100 in her cash app, I got upset. I didn't ask where she got it from, and I didn't have to. I didn't care about that nearly as much as I cared about the fact that she was seriously asking if I wanted to get married on someone else's dime. I felt like calling her out on that right then and there, but I just shook my head.
So now I'm wondering, WIBTA if I told her I didn't want to get married with that money, and not just because we weren't situated?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
4vJMeeE36MpNhChqHteVurvRmvNYVaMo
|
b89aob
|
{
"description": "participating in alienating a classmate and likely being the reason he dropped out of school",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for participating in alienating a classmate and likely being the reason he dropped out of school?
|
This happened a few years ago and I’m still internally torn whether I was the A-hole.
I was a student in a 3-term post-graduate program with a 20 student class size that shared the same schedule. In my 3rd term, our class got a “new” student. He seemed nice at first and I made friends with him within a few hours. Throughout the day, my friends and I began noticing that he was a little peculiar. For example, he made some very inappropriate jokes that were racist, sexist, and personal in nature. We didn’t confront him about it since we had to be around each other for the next 4 months.
After a few days when we were sure that there was something off about him, my friends and I tried to distance ourselves from him. He didn’t really get the hint, so we tried harder while remaining civil. The rest of the class also noticed and was doing the same thing. No one liked working with him on projects because of his personality and frankly, he was not a very good/smart student and couldn’t pull his weight.
Fast-forward after a few months of alienation, he gradually became noticeably depressed. No one was ever directly mean to him but the atmosphere could be read from a mile away. He didn’t talk to anyone outside of group projects, ate lunch by himself, and his overall demeanour was just... sad. My friends and I felt guilty that we were avoiding him but also felt it was not our responsibility to use our energy, and frankly, sanity, to help him feel included.
A month before graduation, he stopped coming to school. He didn’t notify the teachers or the program coordinator and we were worried that something had happened to him. A few of us (myself included) tried reaching out to him on social media but he didn’t respond. I found out through a new random mutual friend several months later that he was alive (thank god). It doesn’t seem like he ever finished the program and I have no idea how he is doing now.
I can’t help but feel responsible for his experience, but at the same time he was a terrible person to be around. He never seemed like an inherently bad person. Rather, I believe he just didn’t have a filter and was socially awkward.
So Reddit... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
cF4f0GlWZGFNHxh4OAxo58qa4n2OyGU2
|
a9miau
| null |
AITA? I'm pissed that my 17 year old sister is pregnant (there's a reason I promise)
|
I'm 19 about to turn 20 and I'm getting married in August. My teen sister got pregnant and is due to have her kid 3 months before my wedding. Is it wrong if me to be so effing pissed about it. She had all the resources to not be pregnant. My family is very open about sex ed and she was already taking birth control for her periods. She swears up and down she only had sex once and she was taking her pill and he was using a condom, but I know for a fact she wasn't regularly taking her birth control. She has always been a pathological liar, has run away from home, got 5 tattoos at age 16 without our parents consent, flunked out of multiple schools, basically the problem child that got way too much leverage in the discipline department. Ive never had any problems in school life etc, I'm pretty successful and have my life surprisingly in order for a 19 year old, but nothing can ever just be about me or celebrate me because of her. I feel like deep down she did it on purpose and I'm down right furious about it. The financial and emotional strain of a teen pregnancy is definitely going to take away from the one thing I will get in this life to be about me. Do I have a right to feel upset or am I an asshole??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
I2q23g52BFuAaVKeafVxh6kitoBKUQVb
|
ambkhz
|
{
"description": "stealing someone's best friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for stealing someone's best friend (of multiple years)?
|
(First Reddit post, sorry idk how things work super well)
AITA for stealing the friend of someone who was really nice to me?
Ok, I'm new to my school, and my family has just moved to a new town and a new much smaller, P-12 school, with American year level divisions. I've moved schools a couple of times before, so it wasn't very strenuous on me.
The first day I arrived, this lovely, funny girl (A) immediately tried her best to help integrate me into the class and into the school, including setting up many chances to work in groups of three with her and her best friend (B), including adding me to pre-existing projects. She was really nice, and she really went out of her way to have me hang out with her at lunch and recess, including with her other friends (She doesn't hang out with B at lunch, usually hanging out with her friends in other classes).
I only came to the school about 1 month before the summer/Christmas holidays, and apparently, it's a tradition to have a party during the holidays, and A and B were organizing it together. I said I'd come, and was really enthusiastic about it as soon as I got the invite, but pretty much as soon as I started to hang out with A and her friends, I got really uncomfortable with her friends. They weren't awful; we just really didn't click, and they made 'jokes' that were just edgy for the sake of being edgy, and more jokes that I just didn't find funny. At the same time, I started getting closer to B, and she and I really clicked, and had similar senses of humor and worked pretty well together, both kinda in contrast to me and A. I began approaching B to hang out with during lunch and recess, and during class to work with. I didn't specifically try to exclude A, but I didn't really specifically try to include her. She started getting mad at B, and I was pretty sure it was because of me, but never confronted it. After B talked to A about it, A started hanging out with us more again, but the way B talks with me vs. how she talks to A is noticeably different, so it felt like we were alienating A a little bit every time we talked together, and she slowly drifted away again.
About then, school ended, and I texted with B over the holidays, but still had no texting history with A. The party rolled around, and A didn't end up coming, but I did. When school came back, B and I hang out alone together immediately, and I'm pretty sure at this point, she's only talked to A in a group conversation by our lockers.
It's really petty and childish, and I don't even know how upset she is about it, and she's got another new kid that she's hanging out with. Every time she said something to B about me or the party, I can't help but feel 4 years younger, like I'm in a petty 6th grade argument, but at the same time, I've had new people come along and become closer friends with my friends than me, so I can't help but feel like shit about it.
TL;DR; I came as a new kid and stole the best friend of a girl who really did the best she could to help me and be friends with me, who never done anything against me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
FQ0iKnBLiHDkHCyy7dbYmNwBpk2WucHL
|
awt7yf
|
{
"description": "simply not rocking up to work",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for simply not rocking up to work?
|
I usually work night-shifts, 10pm-6am's. I am writing this there, and am on my 2nd night in a row out of 3 in a row. Right now I've got Tonsillitis quite bad and woke up after last nights night shift coughing up flem with specks of blood in it. After asking my boss for it off, he told me no, nobody can cover it and that I have to work it. So I decided I'd tough it out but really feel atrocious, same deal goes for tomorrow. WIBTA if I simply don't rock up? I've told him I feel atrocious, I'm only a casual, and I think it's unfair I should work feeling like this.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
wMcpfuUR61ZNA1gVNm2W9KL6Cg0mPfZ1
|
arqmkv
|
{
"description": "turning down my wife's birthday surprise",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for turning down my wife's birthday surprise
|
Okay, so it's my birthday today. I turned 26, I've been over the birthday rush for years now, and I'm pretty simple. If my wife wants to make it special, I just want to be able to do whatever I want within reason, maybe go to a restaurant I want to try or just hang around the house and have a few drinks at night. Time with her and the kid is really all I care about, it doesn't really matter if I receive gifts or anything like that. This last Christmas though, she got me these tickets to a beer tasting at a former job, pretty high end event I guess. It was a pretty cool gift, but it's not something I was like dying to go to. Fancy things like that just aren't really up my alley, but the idea of going and tasting a bunch of different beers didn't necessarily hit me the wrong way, I just couldn't shake the feeling that she was way more excited for it than I was. It kinda felt like something that she wanted to do, but it was my Christmas present.
Oh well, I still was cool with going and trying to have fun, and we totally did. I didn't really like any of the beers except for 1 and I ended up sampling it a bunch of times rather than tasting some of the other crazy shit they had there. (everything was aged in liquor barrels so tasted like whiskey, tequila, etc... a strong yuck for me.)
So my wife let me sleep in today, good start, I got up and had some coffee, lounged around for a bit, then she told me to shave and get ready because she had a surprise for me. Already she's displaying signs of her thinking of herself, as I don't really care to be shaven for a night out or anything, that is solely for her own liking. It was a small thing though and she does it all the time so whatever, moving on.
We head out to drop my daughter off at my parents' and she starts driving to our destination after we stop for some coffee. We pull into a plaza and she's looking around for the place, then she starts nodding her head when she sees it. I look up and it's a pottery place, a "paint your own" pottery place. I am an artsy person....for music. I don't draw, I don't paint, I've never been good at it, I've never really liked it. She starts saying things like "this is my surprise so you'd better like it" and "we can both pick something out and we can paint each other's item". At this point I'm just trying to fight the "please don't make me do this" thoughts and suck it up. I start walking around the store, looking at the different pieces of pottery they have...coffee cups, mugs, salt and pepper shakers, figurines. I just couldn't. I really didn't want to tell my wife, I'm clenching my coffee cup in both hands because I know I don't want to do this for the next couple hours, and I don't have the slightest idea how to tell her.
So finally she gets the hint that I'm not over-excited like she is and asks me what's wrong. I say, "Babe, I love you so much. I feel like this is something we would be doing for your birthday..." which in all fairness is 100% true. This just felt like something she wanted to do. Maybe she really did think that I would enjoy something like that, but I'm literally looking around the store and it's nothing but women and kids and the one guy that was in there with us was there with his own wife and kid and they were clearly there for their child.
She gets kinda somber and we walk out of the store towards the car. Cue the tears. She starts bawling, extremely upset that I didn't want to do it. I just don't even know what I'm supposed to say to her. Slowly over the years it feels like my birthday is just her second birthday and that it's all about her. She just kept saying "that really hurt my feelings" and "I was so excited for this but I guess you just don't want to do it" all really teary and angrily.
I honestly feel so fucking horrible that I made her upset, I hate to see her cry, it breaks my heart so much. At the same time, I feel super disrespected and like my special day was never supposed to be special for me.
We had made plans to go out to a fancy pizza joint I've wanted to try for a while, but I really just didn't even want to go anywhere if she's just gonna be upset all night, so we went home so our daughter could nap. She said she's gonna run out to get some alcohol and to get me something, so now I'm just sitting in our bedroom alone in the dark typing this. I feel like my day is completely ruined and I'm officially turned off to celebrating my birthday as an adult in the future. I requested this day off from work, but I don't think I'm gonna request my birthday off anymore. I really just want it to be tomorrow already.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
827XsmBJKtAjneIBy7YaI2iiloJD7rgK
|
atyrs3
|
{
"description": "Catfishing and ending a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For Catfishing and Ending A Relationship?
|
So, this happened my senior year of high school.
My best friend (we'll call her Lura) started dating this sentient dab of sour cream wearing cowboy boots, we'll call him SC. I was very happy for Lura since this is the first time she's ever dated! SC was friends with my boyfriend (now ex) and seemed pretty harmless at first until he started to show his true colors. He would insult Lura's art and call her intrest in anime stupid. Kinda shitty but whatever.
Then, SC started to become very possessive of Lura. So possessive that he would immediately take her to his car after school (which was weird on its own), not letting her hang out with her friends until her mom picks her up. He would complain if he saw Lura with me or any of her other friends, saying he was being neglected. He wanted to know *everything* about her. Someone had told her a confidential secret, and SC kept pressing about wanting to know. He then guessed that it was about me, which it wasn't, and thought I was transgender because I was one of the few girls at my school to wear pants year round.
Fast forward towards the final few months of our senior year, I had acquired SC's number for some reason and my trust in him had dwindled drastically. I had KIK at the time and his profile popped up on there. My profile was called Altan, the name of one of my characters that is Mongolian. I decided to shoot the piss and contact SC. I acted like I had never met him before to see if I could find out some random things about him. I made up a bs story about living in Mongolia but my dad got a job in the US so we moved there. *He actually bought it.*
We would continue to chat for a few weeks and I had won his trust I guess. I had asked him if he had a girlfriend because I needed "dating advice." SC told me he had a busty chick with a big ass (Lura) but was also fucking this other girl.
*HE THEN SENT ME NUDES OF HIS SIDE CHICK*
This was all the evidence I needed. After reverse image searching the picture to make sure it wasnt some random thot, I took screenshots and planned to show Lura at school after discussing it with another friend of mine.
Redemption Day comes. I reveiled the receipts to Lura and, of course, she was devistated. She broke up with him a couple of days later despite him trying to object about it all. Toxic relationships over and I told SC I was Altan. SC was pissed but I felt like I had done the right thing.
Sitting back and looking at it now, it's been 4 years, I don't know if it was an asshole move of me or not to initiate the breakup. I didn't trust SC with my best friend at all and I could tell his possessive nature was affecting Lura.
I mean, today she is happily engaged and living her best life. SC had a shotgun wedding with some chick that has more testosterone then he will ever have, but I've never seen him since.
TL;DR: Catfished a possessive and cheating piece of shit that was dating my best friend, they broke up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
Z3Iyp8yhvPYRaipKz4l0FWzRb2LA1Dwy
|
b2mg5s
|
{
"description": "inviting my friend who won't be graduating this year to my graduation",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for inviting my friend who won't be graduating this year to my graduation?
|
My friend suffered a set back last year and has to re-do her final year. I invited her to my graduation taking place in April and she thought I was insensitive.
I thought she would have wanted to be there see me graduate but I hurt her feelings. Am I the asshole for inviting her in the first place?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
kGrQ8t90xVLJ7x7hsa7CDilroCbKbALL
|
a7040t
|
{
"description": "not wanting my son's homophobic friend in my house",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for not wanting my son’s homophobic friend in my house ?
|
I (51F) asked my son (22M) to help me install a laminate floor in my house. He asked a friend of his to help also. I have met this friend (21M), they’ve hung out at my house (my son does not live here but visits often), and generally I like him. Later my son commented that this friend - who has led something of a sheltered, conservative, religious existence- thinks that homosexuality is a mental illness. My son’s GF is bisexual and my son clearly disagrees with his friend on this so they just have agreed not to talk about it. Since my son told me this I have sort of concluded that I don’t want this friend in my house any more, to help with the floor or anything else. I am bisexual (my son does not know this) and I also have bipolar disorder (which both my son and his friend both know.) I find his homophobia beyond offensive and equating it to a mental illness makes me really angry. WIBTA for telling my son his friend isn’t welcome in my home? Generally I’m a live and let
live kind of person, but this confluence of issues just doesn’t sit well with me at all and at my age I’m just not into pretending to be nice to people whose views I find abhorrent. On the other hand, I doubt this young man has ever been exposed to anything outside of his family’s conservative views. What say you, fair people of Reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
FxAOC2KQMdpb3hia7i3NlcJTrpSQyx0n
|
acydpd
|
{
"description": "being jealous of my brother in law",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being jealous of my brother in law?
|
Hi Reddit. I'm a regular middle class young professional in the software industry. My wife's brother, who I personally like, has always been a string of mistaken decision after mistaken decision. For example, in the last 5 years that I've known my wife's family, this guy has been a druggie, alcoholic, fake married a stripper, had an illegitimate child with her, moved twice with no job, borrowed money from us instead of selling his expensive TV or Xbox, among other things. Now, I'm no perfect guy, but I've always counted myself as a virtuous person, doing the right thing and playing by the rules. I always viewed my brother in law's life as a very simple result of the poor decisions he has made. Imagine my surprise when he suddenly announces to my wife and his family that he has found a corporate job that makes almost 30k more a year than I do. Now, to be very clear, I am happy for him, honestly. He has a kid now, and even though the marriage is fake, I think he truly wants to do right by his family. My wife has accused me, however, of being jealous of his new success. Well, yes, I am. I'm jealous that someone who does very little right in his life can still come out ahead of me financially, and this entire situation challenges my view that life is about the decisions you make and the product of all of them. I also can't help but feel that my hard work has been deligitimized. So, my wife has called me an asshole over this jealousy.
So Reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
dDUZcB4rFKZFfx8QBX29zjsGzfFDnd5f
|
asn3c9
|
{
"description": "telling my coworker that his breath was bad",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my coworker that his breath was bad?
|
We were having a conversation but his breath was too much to bear so I just told him. He was kinda shocked, he just said ok and went away.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
jLj7MZyGk0voNhZOunpgxRzaLI87OTVb
|
ax83h1
|
{
"description": "quitting a work placement",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for quitting a work placement?
|
So the backstory, I have been unemployed for a while, and have a long record of not being in jobs for very long. The only kind of jobs I can get tend to leave me vulnerable to bullying and feeling outcast and depressed because I can't even do menial tasks very well and get constant criticism from my my supervisors/ managers. Anyway there is a work program thing that helps you find work, and they put me onto an unpaid work placement in a College. I was extremely excited to start, it was initially meant to be a four week placement. The job itself was testing their new application system. I did this to the best of my ability, I drew up an extensive report on the website and all its functions, and gave it to my boss and copied in the developers. I worked hard to get it done quickly and as professionally as I could, and I got positive feedback from the boss. But nothing seemed to come of it. None of my suggestions were taken into account. The Developers are socially awkward in their own right, and I felt were dismissive of me as a tester, and ignored any feedback I gave them. It just felt like busy work and I felt more and more demotivated. Sorry I should say this is long after 4 weeks, those 4 weeks became a month, then two months etc. Eventually he said he would try to create a part time job as a tester. They couldn't just give it to me because of employment laws, but he strongly urged me to apply when it came up. It would take around 6 months from then to create the position. In the meantime I was still attending the work program place, they have these sort of classes/ lectures that you go to. Some of it is helpful but a lot of it is just nonsense frankly. Anyway I also got kicked off one benefit and put onto another, which means a huge amount of stress and paperwork and the new benefit is notoriously difficult to be on and they make life as hard as possible for you to force you into work. Fair enough but I believe that the kind of jobs they put me in don't last very long anyway, the work program has a better attitude of finding the right thing for me so that I will be able to stick with it. But ironically because of all the bull that goes with being on this new benefit I was struggling to make time for the work placement, and moreover I was getting extremely stressed about my situation. For this reason I contacted my previous job coach about the future of this work placement. She said she'd speak to them then get back to me the next week. She didn't, so I took the excuse to have some time out and wait to hear back. Which I never did.
Since then I spoke to my new job coach and asked if it's unusual to do an unpaid job for 6 months, and she told me it isn't, some even go for a year. So I now feel like an asshole, I have basically given up a chance I was given, maybe my only chance to find a job I enjoy at least somewhat.
TL;DR am I the asshole for giving up an unpaid internship/ work experience job that may have led to part time employment?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
eo11BZ9oMvpQVPbZqNiqtarl4OK3oaO4
|
alt0xj
| null |
Aita for how I got my revenge
|
So this kid let’s call him AK or asshole kid for some context him and I are both high school freshman so earlier this year I made my first Instagram account because I was allowed to because I stopped going to my crazy religious dads house so I make memes all the popular kids start following me and befriending me so there is a kid who everyone hates especially me because he has called me poor and stupid even though I’m somewhat well off and have better grades than him so I decide how bout I rip on this bitch so I found out he is more poor than me so I fucking go off on this asshole I made fun of his family car (2002 Pontiac Aztek crossover) and how he is neckbeard and shit like that and I can’t get enough of the satisfaction that comes from getting revenge for years of shit and everyone it asshole kid tries to pay seniors to beat me up but they just end up ratting and I get one day oss and 2 days of iss am I the asshole
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
VyH8nITXrwn55bW0MO7aMBviKEICnY8n
|
axiynw
|
{
"description": "cutting my neighbors sentimental plants",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for cutting my neighbors sentimental plants?
|
My wife has obsessive compulsive disorder, better known as OCD. We work on it a lot, but we got it to a manageable level on a daily basis, recently she has begun to garden in the backyard.
Yesterday, my wife walks into the house upset, explaining that the neighbors plants were coming onto our side of the property and she basically wanted it gone ASAP.
I went outside and looked at the spot she was referencing, it was some vine looking plants that were growing through our fence. I decided to go look for my neighbor but realized he wasn’t home.
Figured that was enough effort for some weeds and cut them with some gardening shears. That evening I began hearing screaming, swearing and shouting towards the backyard.
I went back explained what had happened and why I cut it, he retorted with that his deceased mother gave him all of those plants I cut and would need to pay him back in some way. I basically told him to screw off because his vegetation was invading my property. I also had seen him crying in his yard on multiple occasions regarding the flowers.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
qWWH6si962NtazERBHBuvVrBDs9jJm9h
|
a2sita
|
{
"description": "I be pissing if my mom wont divorce my dad after what he did to her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if i will be pissed if my mom wont divorce my dad after what he did to her
|
**i know that is their realtionship and her decision and its not easy to get divorced**
**disclaimer:** english is not my native language
my mom diagnosed with cancer 3 months ago as soon it was found out, my dad decided he's "tired" from her and start to cheat on her and being asshole(its even nice to say this to him) by ignoring her and her condition . he didn't even flinch to help her with the all process of her diagnosing and treatment (even didn't take her to the doctors/treatments).in that time i caught him few times on tinder and other dating apps , i didn't knew what to do back then and went my older sister and tolled her about it and she talk to him which helped and he started to change (at time she was after the operation to remove the tumor) BUT after she backed to work he started to behave again and it was seems to me specious so i told my sister again and she said no chance i swore him
fast forward to the last month: my mom find out when she going through his phone that he kept cheating when they been "ok"(after the surgery) and she lost it on him and he even told her he is "tired" from her.
she already filed divorce request
it seems she's lingering on that thought
the reason i say it it becuse she said this is her chance out of this unwanted marriage (long story) and i will be pissed if she will staying with him after that and have to live with the guilt and the untrusful piece of shit
regardles to that i going to cut any communication with him ASAP
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
NWV7kyqQI0Fip39oeKpAHxkeEPkmHuAX
|
axehhj
|
{
"description": "letting my subordinate to pay for a mistake that I did",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for letting my subordinate to pay for a mistake that I did?
|
Yesterday, the floor washing machine was dirty and needs to be cleaned. My subordinate (let's call him B) who uses it asked for my permission to use floor cleaning liquid for the cleaning job. I gave the permission and intended to inform a coworker (let's call her C) about it, but I couldn't find her.
An hour later, C with another worker (let's call her D) called me to meet them with B. I was notified that what I did is not allowed because our boss has issued an order to not use the cleaning liquid beforehand and use baking soda and bleach instead. That order was issued in response of large usage of said liquid for floor cleaning, which presumably not apply to other types of cleaning. I turned out to be wrong and said ban applies to all kinds of cleaning.
Knowing that the machine will be dirty if I follow the order I offered to pay for it as technically I do not breach the ban as the liquid would be mine instead of being company property, but B insisted to pay for it for his home's use despite that I explained that it is my fault. Not wanting to escalate further, I let him.
Did I handled the situation well?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
pDJLjDK1ZB88qRmnng2k6OxBEtXiUdfZ
|
ajyb0r
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to seek professional help instead of talking to me when she said about wanting to suicide",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend to seek professional help instead of talking to me when she said about wanting to suicide
|
She has mentioned about suicide a couple of times before, however this time around i realised that i shouldnt be telling her what to do or give advice, and instead just try and cheer her up. AITA for asking her to not talk to me about suicide?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
5IuX3BFpFdTScdSP2nkBE96DdksiFwSF
|
alwlsl
|
{
"description": "not wanting my bf to keep his truck",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my BF to keep his truck
|
My BF of 3 years owns a 15 year old truck and naturally, it has been having mechanical issues. He had already put in a couple thousand dollars into fixing various issues and about a year ago the engine completely broke down. I was told that it requires a completely new engine which would cost about $5k. He hasn’t drove the truck in over a year because he was another newer car that he uses for normal everyday driving. I don’t understand the point of having 2 vehicles either.
We are in the process of saving for a down payment on a home and I have mentioned that we scrap the truck and when we’re done saving for the house, we start saving to buy him another truck. However, he won’t let the truck go and every time he brings it up, it really annoys me. Now he’s planning on using his tax refund with the savings he has to get the truck fixed.
Another big issue for me is that he recently told me that he and his ex-fiancée had sex in his truck on a number of occasions. Ever since, I just don’t feel comfortable with the truck or being around it. I know that if he gets it fixed that I would not ever sit in it again. I have expressed this to him and he thinks I am overreacting. I have my own car as well, so I don’t need him for rides, but he said he wants me to ride with him in the truck when we go out.
All that being said, I feel I may be overstepping for suggesting he get rid of the truck since it seems to hold a lot of sentimental value. Also he would be paying for it with money that he worked for, so I may be out of line for telling him how he should spend it. So AITA for not wanting my BF to sink more money into fixing his truck?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xFPAJSjgA4JYlmAsiLRv0rXpiHGyldEz
|
aqdj20
|
{
"description": "not attending my sister's engagement gathering",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If i don't attend my sister's engagement gathering?
|
So my younger sister by 5 years is getting engaged and it's a small gathering happening in our apartment, now i have been out of the loop for the whole thing, and had to find out from hints, clues and shifting in behavior that she was actually dating someone for a whole year, even after asking my mother full blank that is she seeing someone, and she lied straight to my face that she isnt. My parents met the guy and knew him full well during that year, and i only found out recently well more like they finally admitted it after i saw her riding a motorcycle with him.
To clarify, i am not mad, i am not furious, it's 100% non of my business and honestly i don't really care about that whole ordeal, but i also don't care to attend, since they clearly don't feel the need to keep me in loop, so why should i attend such a gathering right?
I'm having second thoughts but tell me reddit, will i be the asshole if i ditch this whole thing?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
5aYjogQ78RKTVt1CoSAXcgdQb3tvxG5N
|
arrsyq
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to stop looking at porn",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to stop looking at porn?
|
Me (21f) and my boyfriend (21) of 3 years have a relatively active sex life. So when I found out he was watching porn and jerking it to other girls, my heart broke. It makes me feel so inadequate that he looks at other (skinnier) women the way he’s supposed to look at me. I asked him to stop yesterday and he got angry and told me that it doesn’t mean anything, but it means something to me and i told him that. He basically said “whatever” and that was that. This morning i caught him watching it again and when i confronted him about it, he said i was being bitchy. I need to know, AITA for getting upset?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
jOdgLUdDl5FSCV00MH5ItcFeB7oL5aIG
|
astr2e
|
{
"description": "telling the new guy at work to \"pick your battles\"",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling the new guy at work to “pick your battles”?
|
I am having a rough time trying to figure out a way to explain my situation without it exposing much of where I work, so I’ll go with the simplest way possible:
I work at a large (LARGE) company. I build expensive things. I work on an “assembly line”, where things are put together in Shop 1, then the thing is moved to Shop 2 for more things, then Shop 3, etc etc.
Well, we can do our jobs in Shop 3 until Shop 2 is done with theirs. Most of the time, the Shop 2 guys will finish their work on time, but they don’t sign it off in the computer system in a timely manner.
That doesn’t affect us in my group, because we can physically look at the Shop 2 jobs and see if they’re finished, regardless of what the computer says, so we are then able to do our job without delay.
However, another group of guys that also do my job (on a different line) apparently wait for the job to be bought off in the computer system first, which is fine, but this leads to them having massive amounts of unfinished work that they have to catch up on on a daily basis.
Those guys got tired of having to look up the prior shops work. So to make it easier on themselves, they want to establish a mandatory work order for Shop 2 to be done before Shop 3 can begin, because this will make all the orders visible on one screen when you look it up in the system.
So it might make it easier to look up the jobs, yeah. But now it’s mandatory for Shop 2 to buy off their work before we can begin ours. Even if their work is physically finished, we can’t start ours now until the computer system is bought off.
My team is pissed. Because we are caught up with no issue. But now we have to wait for Shop 2 to sign their work in the system, which means our work will become clogged up and backed up a A TON.
I told the guy who proposed this idea (younger, inexperienced with big company’s, first time as a Lead, etc etc) that he needs to pick his battles. Yes, it seems like the “right thing to do”. There’s always a “right thing to do”. But in a company like this, and in the world in general, there isn’t always gonna be positive outcomes for the “right thing to do”. That’s just not how life works.
Because now, we gotta wait. And the jobs are stacking up. The Shop 2 guys are a hot mess and can’t sign off their work immediately because of how large and disorganized their shop is. It’ll take forever for any kind of change to take effect in that regard.
So, the new guy basically fucked over my line for something that’s not our fault and tried to fix something that wasn’t broken. (Well ok, it was broken, but now it’s got a bandaid on it while it’s still got a severed artery).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
he1rlafKgShdOrvCm5t8jtqsobomj8z2
|
a0etui
|
{
"description": "accidentally oversharing",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for accidentally oversharing?
|
hello! this happened last year but I was just thinking it over now.
So i had 2 friends, let’s call them X and Y.
X and Y didn’t like each other at all.
One day, X and I are in gym class and she tells me something really funny, and we were fuckin losing it, like cry-laughing for an hour. It was some joke about the basketball hitting her chest and rupturing her milk duct or something, lol.
Then, after school, Y and I are walking home together (we live across from eachother), and we were talking about our day because we didn’t have any classes together. He’s telling me some funny shit and I’m laughing, then I remembered how much X and I were laughing earlier.
I laughed and told him what she said, cause I thought it was funny.
But then Y told X that I told him her joke for some reason, and the next day she got mad at me.
Apparently because it was a joke about boobs and because Y was a guy, it was inappropriate for me to tell him, which I didn’t realize. So X was pretty upset with me because I embarrassed her. Anyway, I tried to explain how I just thought it was a funny joke, etc. We got over it eventually.
Then a couple months later, X is telling me she’s upset because some people from our school (younger grade) thought she was dating someone who she wasn’t.
Then, later that day I saw the people who thought that, and because they’re friendly and nice people, I just told them that X was bothered by the fact that they thought that.
Then one of the people texted X that night and wrote like a paragraph long apology for spreading rumours, apparently I scared her when I was telling her it wasn’t true, which I never meant to do at all.
X was upset because I had told them to stop and that embarrassed her. So she was mad at me again.
We’ve kinda drifted apart now, but I was wondering if I messed up here.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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v2W5QzLLKy7DZSB0J6AccRGtnVZaGi4q
|
ahhdlu
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go on a cross-state trip with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go on a cross-state trip with my girlfriend?
|
Hello!
To explain as much as I can, my girlfriend’s best friend is going off to the military soon, and was having a get together in their city (about a 5-6 hour drive). So my girlfriend invited me, but I said maybe because I was unsure of whether or not I’d be able to get off of work that day. (This is about a week and a half before the event).
About a week before the event, I found someone to take my shift, and told her that I would be able to go. At this point, she had booked a hotel with her mother, father, sister and dogs. From my perspective, I was expecting just the two of us making the trip, as we’d be the only ones attending her friend’s party.
We’ve been dating for about a year and a half, and I’ve visited her family plenty of times before, but I’m not sure if I am comfortable going on this trip. There is a language barrier between me and her parents, and the sleeping arrangement would require that I sleep alone in the same room as her father. It’s not that I dislike her father, but I don’t know how comfortable I am sharing a room with a man I can’t really communicate with. Especially we’re going to have to care for the dogs while we’re there.
Hopefully this gives enough information about the situation, but I am open to answer any questions about the situation. But I ask: Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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fiiG3uiGfGQFDGfxUHs4nLIiLHEtPqa8
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aikqxq
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{
"description": "avoiding my Ex",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA Am I the asshole for avoiding my Ex?
|
Ok so to start off , I have no idea how to make an AITA post. It's 1:00 Am , and I'm sick at home. (This takes place in 2015.) Context: We were both very shy and only communicated with notes for the beginning of our relationship.
Anyway , my ex girlfriend ,whose name I won't reveal, and I were together for about a year. Everything was great , until the end of the year. She didn't talk to me as much as normal. She didn't even communicate with me through notes , she sat directly next to me but ignored any of my attempts to talk to her. Confused , I tried to ask her friends about it but quickly stopped , remembering that our relationship was supposed to be a secret. Then the year ends , I come back not knowing what to expect. We don't sit by each other anymore , and she doesn't sit close enough for me to pass notes to her either. I was too embaressed to ask her , if we were still together she might have thought that I forgot, but I was also scared , that if I asked she might say that we weren't. I NEEDED to know. So I asked one of her friends if she was dating anyone , and her friend replied no. Even though our relationship was "Secret" I assumed the worst. The weirdest part by far was that throughout the following years , (including this one) , she was very polite , friendly , and overall more talkative towards me. She got involved in my friend group , hung out around me more. She flirts with me often as well , and I had / have no idea how to deal with this. So what did I start doing? I started ignoring her. I intentionally avoid and ignore her and her friend group. (Despite some of her friends / relatives being my close friends.) Am I the asshole for avoiding her?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9ychz2
|
{
"description": "getting in a fight at a funeral",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting in a fight at a funeral?
|
Full disclosure I’m using a throwaway since I know a few people involved in the fracas are on reddit.
So picture it, Sicily 1943. Actually more like a funeral home in 2018. My sister in law’s father had just passed away and the funeral was two days ago, which is where this story takes place. I didn’t really know the man myself, by me and my SIL are pretty close.
The end of the service is coming up and we all approach the casket in a line before they close it and put it in the hearse to say some final things to the dead and the dead’s immediate family. This is where I do something horrible, but of course I didn’t mean to. And it’s something straight out of a sitcom but of course at the same time you can’t make this shit up. As I’m passing the casket, I feel the urge to sneeze. I can’t really suppress this one as much as I’d like to. So I lift my arm up to cover the sneeze, but it’s not enough. Some of the snot gets on the guy in the casket.
As I’m reaching for the handkerchief I’ve got in my pocket, I feel a hand come up on my shoulder and try to spin me around, hard. The hand went to a guy I’ll call Ramon. Some more background: Ramon is my brother in law, but he’s been very distant from his family. My understanding is he got involved with some bad guys early in his life and he’s just an all around douchebag. Little to no manners, can’t figure out when to shut his mouth, things like that.
Ramon spins me around (or tries to) and goes “What the hell are you doing, man? Why are you spitting on my dad?” REALLY loudly. Obviously trying to make a scene since it’s painfully obvious by the “ah-choo” sound I made that I sneezed and not spit. I told him this but Ramon was having none of it. He just kept making a big stink about how I was trying to disrespect his dad.
I keep trying to let it go, but eventually I just look at the guy and tell him “you know what? Even if I did spit on him, it’d be better than how you ever treat him.” Ramon understandably got a little pissed off at this remark and started throwing fists at me. Out of reflex, I started doing the same and actually got in a couple good hits. After what felt like a long time, the pallbearers and a couple people behind us in line pull us apart and I leave after that.
Ever since then, the people on my in-law’s side of the family just pretty much cut contact with me, even the sister in law. Am I the asshole for trying to fight this guy back over starting a bunch of bullshit?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
8kl67huF3zJrCOxdAMjfnavKryDL4OG2
|
aqzdku
|
{
"description": "holding a grudge for 4 years over a friendship that ended",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for holding a grudge for 4 years over a friendship that ended?
|
around six years ago, i went to a new school and had to make a whole new group of friends. eventually i found one that i got along with extremely well, and we became very close over time. our friendship stayed pretty strong for the next few years, but not without some minor anger every now and then. one of my friends (i'll call her B) didn't treat us too well. when it came to academics, B would slack off while the rest of us put the work in. she wouldn't pull her weight in group projects and she'd copy our homework last minute. socially, she was very arrogant and probably had a superiority complex? B acted like she was above the rest of us and didn't 'need' us, and wouldn't treat us very well (i.e school work problems) and this slowly got worse as time went by
two years after we met, B got way worse. the usual stuff continued, like not putting effort into school and leeching off our work and marks, but her attitude got a lot worse. she started trying to replace us because we no longer shared the same interests and would scream and yell at us for being curious about her new interests. i also introduced her to one of my other friends who she instantly latched onto and became closer with him than i had been, and would constantly ignore me to talk to him instead. we once had a big project to do for a fair and we got together to work on it.
she took part in the 'fun' stuff that didn't take any real effort. when it came to the real work she did ONE part of it, probably the easiest, which ended up being garbage which i had to edit and fix. for the rest of the project she sat next to me texting my friend that i mentioned earlier while i did every single thing for our project. i repeatedly tried to get her to work and she would ignore me or brush me off and tell me she didn't know what to write and to figure it out myself. We ended up not doing very well because B prioritized texting over our marks. this also wasn't the first time she'd done something like that, as she'd worked with our other friends for similar projects before and done the exact same thing. as little work as possible so she could still get the marks for our work.
when she got close with the friend from earlier (ill call him P) they got really toxic. the three of us had group chats together, but as they were closer with each other than they had been with me, i was a third wheel almost all the time. they took pleasure in berating me and making me feel bad about myself and would gang up on me and call me names, which in retrospect wasn't terrible, but considering i had issues with controlling my anger at the time and would be set off by very minor things, which they were very aware of, it wasn't nice to deal with. there's also nothing i hate more than being ganged up on because i can't defend myself when they're all making fun of me. they'd also leave me out of things (which i hate as well)
B also had no concern for peoples feelings. when we had to make groups for things and she had to choose some friends over others, she wouldn't even ask if they were okay with her plans. she'd just do it anyways and tell them too bad. she also used to throw things at us when we were hanging out, and generally just treat us badly. literally everyone who knew her during this time period agreed she was not a good person at all. to sum it up, she was increasingly horrible to me and the rest of our friends over these two/three years, and by the end of them, when she got really bad, i decided i didn't want to put up with her anymore and couldn't wait until i went to a different school than her so i didn't have to be around her toxicity anymore.
our friendship continued after this even though i was just faking it and powering through until i never had to see her again, until one day when she just started straight up ignoring me. it was out of nowhere. one day B was talking to me like old times and the next day she wouldn't answer me anywhere even though she was online. i was so confused and kept trying to talk to her but just got completely ghosted and eventually gave up and stopped chasing after her. a while later, a mutual friend who she still spoke to asked why she just cut me off like that, and B said that it was because ***I*** was the horribly rude one and she didn't want to deal with it anymore. this genuinely shocked me because the rudest i'd ever been to her was in self-defense when she was ganging up on me or looking down on us or ditching us for other people, and it was nothing more than joke comebacks like "you suck/you're a loser" which we had said to eachother many times before??
B ended our friendship like that four years ago and i still hold a very strong grudge and haven't come close to getting over it. we haven't even spoken since then but every time i remember she exists or what she did to me or how she cut me off i actually get furious because i feel so wronged. there's so much wrong with it. she was the one who treated me so badly (and the rest of our friends as well) and then before i could make the move and end things she flipped it around on me and played the victim and said i was the big bully????
i constantly seek validation from my other friends who knew her as it helps me to stop dwelling on it and everyone agrees she was horrible to me and i didn't do anything nearly as bad as she did. it also makes me angry because she wasn't brave enough to confront me herself and say what she had to say, which points even more at it being a big lie because she knew she was a bad person. i got no closure because i just heard her accusation second-hand, passed down from a friend. i'm a very confrontational person and it makes me so angry that she just got away with that without even having to speak to me and hear what i had to say.
she's genuinely afraid of me now and i know it's because she lied. she knows how she treated us but hides behind that lie to pretend she's a good person and she can't face me because she knows how badly she handled the situation. the last time we interacted in person i just acted like i didnt know her and she was shaking because she was so nervous.
so yeah again to summarize, my friend B treated me very badly throughout our friendship and when i was finally done with it and planned to end things with her, she turned around and did it to me when she was much worse of a person than i ever felt i was. we weren't even going to the same school at that point so even if she confronted me herself we wouldve never seen eachother again anyways so it's stupid that she wouldn't talk to me directly. its been 4 years and im still so angry about what she did and i just want some kind of closure, and sometimes i just want to knock her out because she's too afraid to fess up and have a real confrontation with me about everything.
​
AITA for still being so angry over it?? was i really the rude one and just didn't know it?? am i terrible for hating her so strongly for just cutting me off and being a wuss about it? most of the people i seek validation or help from are biased because they knew her so i would really like opinions on the whole situation from strangers.
who was really in the wrong?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
YsvpJESyCYDCuT9CsIEOCcjXvmG007ig
|
9vmphr
|
{
"description": "telling my ex \"how my dick taste\" in front of most of the school",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for telling my ex “how my dick taste” in front of most of the school?
|
Yes, the title sounds very bad, but I should tell the whole story first. So i’m a senior in high school, and i broke up with my girlfriend a month ago after about 7 months of dating. We had been very good friends before dating, and I was very happy with her. However, I have had anxiety for a couple years, and have been on meds to combat it. However, I had a very bad episode a month ago and simply wasn’t in a good place. We ended having a messy breakup with mistakes from both of us. I wasn’t engaged wit her as much as I should have been and was probably neglecting her emotionally, and she told me to basically get over my anxiety. We haven’t really talked since the breakup, but at our school’s football game last week, we ended up getting in a arguement. We said some things and then with most of the student section listening, she told me to go home and pop pills to deal with my fake anxiety. I was pretty upset and blurted “how my dick taste tho” Our classmates found it very funny, but she started crying. She’s very christian, and she probably was upset that her activities were out to everyone. It’s been a couple days and I kinda feel like i overreacted. Am i the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
BzaQMPvMFRziavkA6cmtNEzUbSlBgZW3
|
b9ag39
|
{
"description": "letting my boyfriend throw up on himself",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I let my boyfriend throw up on himself?
|
My boyfriend was recently diagnosed with chronic GERD, esophagitis type D and congenital hiatal hernia. What this means is that he has had a bunch of associated complications such as insomnia from the heart burn and constant throwing up at night. He was given strong medications for his insomnia which also means he is barely coherent when he throws up on himself, the bed and sometimes on me. This used to occur once a month around 3 am and i would clean him up and put him back to sleep. It is now happening every other night and my sleep quality has gone to shit. I am very sensitive to sound and used to sleep with ear plugs. However, I do not want him to choke so now I shoot up with a bucket at every cough or loud gurgling snore. I dont want to resent him but i am tired and exhausted. I have tried making him sleep with a wedge pillow but he does not find it comfortable. He is on medications which have stopped his day time symptoms but not his night time symptoms. I know he can’t help it and I am trying to stay calm because of course I care and dont want something to happen to him. I want to be mad but I also have no right to be mad which sucks because then I have to hold in my frustration. The worst part is he doesn’t realize how attentive I am when he’s sleeping and has started to say I am overly sensitive or acting different when in reality I am just tired and don’t want to be puked on again. WIBTA if I slept in a different room and just let him throw up on himself? I just want to sleep.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
T6DJuSEaFcggZZxTqHvUM8bvvmGJ5IqZ
|
asjgy1
|
{
"description": "telling a girl she doesn't have cancer",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for telling a girl she doesn't have cancer
|
This girl in my high school is going around telling everyone she has cancer and that she's still staying positive and being strong throughout the whole ordeal. She's getting so much sympathy and help from people feeling sorry for her. The only thing is, she doesn't have cancer. She got some tests done and the results were that she had "cancer-like" signs on her thyroid, NOT full on cancer. One day she was talking to a group of people and I chimed in saying that she doesn't really have cancer and that she's just saying that to get attention. She and I got into a big argument and she hasn't spoken to me since. I know it wasn't right on my part but I know people with cancer and what they go through, it just pissed me off that she was using it to gain sympathy from people just to be the center of attention.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
JCMnPgxj4krFMwIgGnn2yLNuBOdzc8MT
|
aeezss
|
{
"description": "laughing in my gfs face while she was crying",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for laughing in my gfs face while she was crying?
|
I know the title sounds horrible but hear me out.
My girlfriend of 2 years (maybe ex) was crying to me about a long-standing debt issue she’s had with a credit card company. Since I’ve known her, I’ve been trying to convince her that she needs to either transfer her balance or just let me cut a check and pay that shit off.. because as of now she’s just been making payments to her convenience that does nothing to her balance because interest just keeps stacking on top of the principal balance.
Finally, she started taking action and decides she will transfer the balance to another creditor for a fee, but now free of interest for 18 months (after months of me nagging that we need to get rid of this issue permanently).
She gets denied a few times but finally gets accepted for a certain amount and she is extremely stressed out at this point because she is afraid her credit went down because she applied for the other transfers that she was denied for. So, as she was crying about over FaceTime and telling me all the details about what one of the creditor representatives was telling her, me being slap happy, fucking tired and one who nervously laughs in situations that I’m asked to be very serious in, started busting out in uncontrollable laughter.....
Was I laughing at her? No. I was just tired and stupid, it was late.. Do I take her seriously? Very. Do I think her situation was funny? No, I’ve taken all the initiative since day one to correct it.
Anyways, she hung up the call and since refuses to speak to me and it’s been a week. The last thing she said to me was that I hurt her and she doesn’t think I can fix that (over texts, when I tried talking to her a few days after she said she needed her space.)
I know I was a terrible person for doing that but it was NOT intentional, I couldn’t even have taken it back if I wanted to.. I don’t even know WHY I laughed.. it’s kind of hilarious I’m sure hearing this story...
AITA though?! A week? I’ve texted her multiple times apologizing and called her but she won’t even answer. And she’s acting like this is it for her... I feel like what I did was bad, but not as bad as she’s making it seem..
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ItJQSKhPDCiEQyTpymClXSxsaIqMpctI
|
avwsh4
| null |
AITA for a failed presentation?
|
There was a spanish project assigned and it’s a group project (yep u know where this is going). when it was assigned, I don’t have many friends in that class and 2 people were absent, so I was forced to work with them. One girl, Tif, is shy, doesn’t talk much and I don’t have her phone contact or social media. The other is Add, who cares about her academics.
And then there’s me, I cannot speak Spanish if my life depended on it. My family is Chinese and I have only started taking high school spanish last year (I took Chinese in middle school but it’s not offered in high school). I currently have an 80% in that class and it’s my only grade below an A (it’s also going down now).
The assignment was to do a presentation based on food. We were essentially going to make a cookbook. Add took charge in finding the format of the PowerPoint and I contributed to the PowerPoint by typing the ingredients. The assignment was due Wednesday, which was yesterday. But Add asked if we could present it on Thursday (today) cause we weren’t ready. We had everything down on the slides, but it wasn’t what Add had in mind. We worked on it in class but really not that much because Add wanted to go home and finish it and she was talking to her friends. Tiff did not work on the slides the night before but and I told her my contact info so she could contact me (but she never did). I asked Add if there was anything I could do, but because she did not do one of her sections yet, I could not start mine.
So that night, Add got rid of the old recipe and replaced it with something more complex. I translated the whole thing in the right conjugation. We had to present this in an interviewer-guest way. So Add was our interviewer and Tif & I were the guests presenting the cookbook. Add told me to study the answer to #2,4,5 and i did just that. Therefore, Tif had #1,3,6 and #3 included remembering the recipe.
During the presentation, I did mess up on one of the questions, but corrected it. When we got to #3, no one said anything at all, so I started reading the PowerPoint, which I (or any team member) was supposed to memorize. We eventually made it through to the end, where our teacher is supposed to question us. However, I did not talk during the questions, mainly Add did.
We eventually had to have a private conversation with our teacher in the hallway. She said our project grade earned a 65% and asked if we want to split the grade so we all have an individual grade. Add & I didn’t say anything but Tif immediately said split.
I tried talking to my teacher but I really don’t know what to say. I feel like I’m going to be marked down for not talking enough or messing up, even though I did my part of the presentation to the best of my ability.
Add seemed really angry and frustrated. I didn’t get a chance to talk to her in person or Tiff.
AITA that is responsible for this?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
gqGeYltXOjjxtG1VrxzpxPyoJCajBG1Y
|
b52w4n
|
{
"description": "watching shows without my dad",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for watching shows without my dad?
|
So my dad works a lot, and he was looking for a way to spend more time together. He suggested we watch shows on netflix together, and it sounded like a cool idea to me. He suggested the show breaking bad, which he had watched around 10 years ago but didn’t really remember and wanted to rewatch with me. We watched the first few episodes together, and I really really liked the show. I am on spring break right now, so the next day, I watched a bunch of episodes without him. I still haven’t told him, but I am about a season ahead and i just can’t turn the show off because it’s just too damn good. I still watch episodes with him whenever he can despite his busy work schedule, but we watch episodes that I have already watched and I pretend to not know what will happen and whatever. I feel bad that I am watching without him, but I still watch with him on his pace so he doesn’t know I am ahead. Sorry about this long paragraph that probably didn’t make much sense, but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
3nuuBmvq0MA7Xg38MQDFHBxtHtlOmHlt
|
aadzvb
|
{
"description": "not wanting to become friends with someone again",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to become friends with someone again.
|
Over the summer, I got in a large fight with someone who I would have considered my best friend after he had lied to me. Besides the lie itself I was more hurt because in the past year I had been there for him daily as he was going through some personal issues. Then when the tables turned he was not there for me and I later found out about the lie. We both go to the same college and even lived on the same floor this semester, however since he initially told me the truth he has never met up with me in person, despite living in the same building. Most of the time he will avoid eye contact with me. I know that I could have initiated the conversation but I felt that he should be the one to make things right. Now four months later...I really have moved on from the situation. However since this occurred at the end of the summer and is now winter break some of our old high school friends have asked me to talk to him. He just reached out to me for the first time in four months to talk today. I know some would say I should meet up with him but at this point I have moved on, and I know that this is not him wanting to talk ,it’s our old friends telling him he should meet with me. I feel like if he actually wanted to talk he could have during the semester when we lived four doors away from each other.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
nNONmAd8QTrmkda4JndVXu8keg6k5Szl
|
ampyqd
| null |
AITA Had a 30 minute argument w/ my best friend
|
So yesterday a friend of mine kept going on about how the mall we were in wasn't supposed to be called parklake because it is not grammatically correct (it's in Romania and is in a park that has a lake) and then the discussion devolved into is it waterpark or parkwater? So i kept getting more and more annoyed(he had a reputation of saying stupid stuff and was the 3rd best at the english olympiad in bucharest last year) because he kept saying i was wrong. So i called my teacher who obviously agreed with me and said it was waterpark. But my friend said i was a dick because i got mad and yelled a little bit and called my teacher. I only raised my voice a little after the first 20 minutes had passed. Sorry it's a long post but i had to vent. Thx for reading!
.
.
TL;DR: Friend thinks it's called parkwater not waterpark i yell after 30 minutes and call the teacher to confirm that it's waterpark. Friend thinks i'm a dick.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
3A6Dfp8CnbgtXafUbpRTdfmC3kdd5Q15
|
ahku65
|
{
"description": "being annoying to my friend for spamming her too much then being upset over her response",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being annoying to my friend for spamming her too much then being upset over her response?
|
So basically I have this friend I have known for eleven years and she says we’re best friends still but I highly doubt
She said she has been “busy and stressed” these days and wouldn’t really be able to text me (our only form of communication is text and sometimes video call tbh we meet irl like twice a year) but I still sent her like 8 texts a day ish in hopes that she’d reply to everything when she’s free and it’ll be like a “catch up” however she left me on read a few times and said I was spamming her and to only send me three lines of text a day and I said ok and the next day I sent her four lines of text- nbd right?..
So then she ends up exploding and saying:
you’re not trying out your goal
I said 3 lines of text not 4
Every time you send more than that many lines I’m gonna blank you until it’s the next day and I want reply to those messages
Then I said:
.... it’s not a fucking essay with a 90 word limit
Then she said:
Don’t get rude with me
I’m tryna help your ass so as I said I’m doing this for better of you don’t get rude or I might just not talk to you at all because I don’t want to
Rn I wanna talk to you don’t bring me to a point where I don’t want to
And after that I left her on read coz idk how to reply
Personally that really upset me and I think that was really belittling and controlling- what do u guys think and what should I do next?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
moKyT8MG4X6kLLW46YAhzg4sRSxgvLrT
|
b17hn3
|
{
"description": "moving half way across the world and leaving my family and alcoholic mother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I moved half way across the world and left my family and alcoholic mother?
|
Sorry for the click bait-y title, but that pretty much sums it up in a nutshell. Using a throwaway, and sorry in advance for the long ass post.
So a bit of background - I love my Mom (I really do), and she can be a really good Mom sometimes, but she has a whole load of problems. She's been an on/off alcoholic for most of my life and was addicted to prescription painkillers up until about 2 years ago (she got through that though which I'm really proud of her for). She has mental health problems (not her fault) which are exasperated by the fact we lost my sister 12 years ago this year. It’s been really hard, I’m surprised the family got through it at all to be honest.
So, I work in tech, and have been in love with Japan since I first went there about 8 years ago. I studied Japanese at school for 5 years and kept it up afterwards, so I'm not awful. I just got back recently from another trip there, and have decided for sure it's where I want to live and work. My fiance is 100% behind me and is pretty excited for this new chapter in our lives.
The decision to move to Tokyo would be considerably easier if it was just my Mom I was worried about. My Dad is a **fantastic** guy, I know she'll probably be alright.
It's my younger siblings I'm worried about. I'm the oldest in the "squad", but 2 of my sisters are older now too so they'll be alright - it's the younger 3 I'm concerned about. I'm very close to the younger 3 (2 sisters and a brother), and I don't want to sound arrogant but I know they look up to me. One of the sisters suffers from depression, and I’ve been trying to be there for her as much as possible (I suffer from it too so I can relate). But I just can't shake the feeling that if I moved abroad, I'll be deserting them. I would do literally anything for those kids, I love them more than anything. But I want to start this new life in Japan too. No lie, if my Mom and Dad would even entertain the idea, I'd take them with me.
So reddit, WIBTA if I went to Tokyo?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
WyhSu4tedyU2Dsm8hUugUlFc3VHzuL0o
|
ag3z8t
|
{
"description": "being upset that my parents are moving",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being upset that my parents are moving?
|
For the full context: I graduated from college around two years ago, and have been living with my parents since then. In that time, they've made vague statements about wanting to sell the house and move to a ranch they own in a neighboring state (it's something they've mused about since even before I went to college). I've been considering moving out for the past couple months, so the idea of them moving doesn't bother me that much, but I never put together any official plans since my parents never gave any concrete info about their decision to sell.
Then, near the beginning of this month, my parents let me know that they had the realtor coming by later that day and they wanted me to help clean up the house a bit. I was taken a bit aback, and once I pressed for more info, they let me know that they were going to have the house listed on the market no later than the first of February.
Cue me spending the days since scrambling to find friends who are willing to room with me and an apartment that we could afford. And before you ask, I can't move with them, because not only do I have a job, but the ranch they're moving to is in the middle of nowhere, much too far from anywhere I could feasably work.
Obviously it's stressing me out, and a few minutes ago I got in an argument with my mom over the whole thing. I feel that their vague hints weren't enough and they should have given me a concrete date to move out by *months* ago (IE; "We're going to sell the house in February, we want you to move out by the end of January"), while she feels that they've been hinting at it long enough that I only have myself to blame, and they don't even know when the house will actually sell so I have more than enough time anyways.
So... yeah, that about sums it up. To be clear, I'm not really upset that they're moving; I'm upset that, in my opinion, they didn't give me enough of a proper heads-up.
Still... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
QiIyUnsZZNyHSfdTxEF2VQBkEpCMfNhR
|
abf5f3
|
{
"description": "being jealous at best friend because a girl I got rejected by started texting him",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being jealous at best friend because a girl I got rejected by started texting him?
|
Throwaway because friend frequents Reddit, hope he doesn't get it's me. Meh, even if he does, I hope he understands.
Alright, the story is really simple - I got interested in this girl who started hanging out with my group from time to time, started texting her. Admittedly, because of my idiotic behaviour, she rejected me. Now, by idiotic, I don't mean I was an asshole, but I was just acting like a little child that has a little crush and doesn't know how to act around girls.
Understandably, got rejected.
Now, after a little while, this girl, following a hangout with the group, started texting my best friend. Being the good guy he is, he told me. Full heartedly, I said I would support him, and that he shouldn't think of me when he makes a decision. And to this day, ask me anytime, I will stand by my words.
But it hurts so much, man. We didn't even get the chance to get to know each other so well, it should've been easy to get over it. Then why does it hurt when I think of them chatting, meeting each other. I feel it is really childish. It can be attributed to my other problems, like depression, anxiety, inferiority complex, overall being a sensitive guy.
I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize anything that might be going on between them, it's not my call.
On a side note, I'm not really sure if there is anything romantic between them. He tells me he doesn't want a relationship for now, and insists that they just became good friends that just chat a lot. He isn't the lying type, I'm sure of it, so it could all be just imagination on my part that went the wrong way.
The point of my questions is to ask if I am an asshole because I feel jealous of my friend for having contact contact with this girl that I couldn't achieve. Would very much appreciate your criticism and advise. If I am an asshole for feeling this way, what could I do to fix it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
GHLAOI8R3dHgJe2cYRcFDkmW0Bb8AIOy
|
b83bm4
|
{
"description": "not giving someone a student discount",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not giving someone a student discount?
|
Okay not particularly exciting but I work in a "gym" in the UK, we offer student discounts to people who show student cards. Now in the UK you can get a NUS card which has a student side and a non student for discounts at supermarkets bit. This bit expires three years after the student side. Normally were pretty relaxed with giving the discounts out, it only saves a few quid on your visit.
This guy comes in, and I ask if he's a student, to which he replies, "I've got the card". Now he shows me the non student side, and I ask "but are you a student?". He gives me a uuhhhh and I ask to see the other side of the card, which is very expired. I've never asked for the other side before and no-one else ever has but since it was expired I didn't give him the discount and he got pretty pissed off and gave me a "seriously dude just give me the discount" before cutting his losses and paying and going in. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
qOwPHbxOvAjoQlvx0mUWaTVhw6rIMHKT
|
b2cktz
| null |
AITA - Guy I haven’t talked to in 2 years randomly asks for my snap, I don’t respond in nicest way because I think he’s messing with me.
|
Ok, this happened today totally out of the blue and I feel like I might not have reacted to it in the best way. Basically this guy I used to go to high school with said hey to me on Facebook even though I haven’t spoken to him for over 2 years and we’ve never been close throughout our time in school (ie. the only time we’ve ever talked is when we we’ve been placed in the same group for projects). I was far from popular in high school, but because I was smart and athletic, a few of the more popular guys like this particular guy would occasionally talk to me in order to get assignment answers or talk about school sports in class, but other than that no guy wanted to be near me.
I’ve never had a boyfriend and have super low self esteem from being bullied throughout most of my time in middle/high school but over the past couple years I’ve bought a lot of recognizable designer items and have put a lot of time into developing a really cool style that’s drastically improved my self esteem. But even with that I still can’t believe a guy would ever be interested in me, especially a guy as popular as this guy was, so I was totally perplexed when he messaged me.
I think we either attend the same or nearby universities since I’ve seen him on my campus a couple times this past year and recently I’ve seen him on my bus but he’s never said anything to me. I figured he might have been messaging me about something school related, but right after replying back to him he asked for my Snapchat. I deleted my Snapchat about a month ago since I’m super self conscious of the way I look in photos and it was just sitting there taking up storage space on my phone, but I found it super weird why he would want it considering our past history (or more accurately, lack of history)
The conversation after that went as follows:
Him: lol what do you mean why?
Me: I literally haven’t spoken to you in like 2 years why tf would you want my snap?
Him: so we can talk now I guess.
I then tell him I don’t have snap and he kind of just says “oh” and I left him on read. While all of this was going on I was out shopping with my friend and I stupidly mentioned it to her. She knows who he is and thought I was being overly cold to him. Maybe I’m just extremely paranoid but I feel like he was trying to get it as a joke or something because I literally can’t imagine he’d want to talk to me. AITA for my response?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
JzsMCQR9osGVkdFySqjDnX04mY3ruw1C
|
az2qil
|
{
"description": "not giving a shit about my grandfather's death",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving a shit about my grandfather's death?
|
Okay, for context i've never been close to my grandfather. He lives in another country and i've seen him three times in my entire life. And all of them was when i was from the age of 1-5, so i dont really remember. Just got news of his passing but me and my older sister havent really been affected. Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
2UEIys3Gd65HObkma8u5cBuYJS45UASL
|
b8pc9r
|
{
"description": "wanting to hang out with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to hang out with my girlfriend?
|
This will be a long post, also spell errors
So me and my girlfriend has a long distance relationship and we see each other like every other weekend. This last friday I was supposed to hang out with a couple of friends at home and drink some beers and just talk. Later that evening they say that they are going out to a club near by and I follow them. At this point my girlfriend is hanging out with her friend which is also my best friends girlfriend, and they are at the same club that we are suppose to go to. We find out that we are going to the same club just as I started walking with my friends to the club that they are at
When we get there I am excited to see my girlfriend and im going in for a hug her and kiss her for a bit before I turn around and greet her friend with a hug, and everything seems fine. We dance for a bit, we go out and smoke, and talk in the smoking area. And her friend seems genuinely glad that im there and also that there is no problem with me hanging out with them. I tell them when I see them that im leaving in 30 minutes and show them the app showing the time table for the bus
Around 30 minutes later when im supposed to take my jacket and say goodbye, her friend also goes to the wardrobe to pick up her jacket and seems really annoyed. My girlfriend says that im about to leave and that they will hang out just like before, and dance together. Her friend doenst listen and picks up her jacket and say that she is going home. We ask why and she doenst say anything. We tried talking to her and calming her down and ask whats wrong she doesnt say anything other than that she wonders why we planned this in advance without telling her, but the thing is that we didnt know the other person was going there before I was almost there. When we got out of the club it all escalated when she went from quite annoyed to crazy when she stopped and started screaming "why dont you talk to eachother?" and she sounded so dissapointed
Later, when I asked her boyfriend (who was also angry after) why she was so upset, they started to write that we left her out and didnt talk to her at all, that we ignored her and turned our backs around to ignore her, and also that i made a inappropriate joke. The joke was that she and my girlfriend was supposed to sleep at my girlfriends home, and then I said "oh, you are stealing my spot in her bed", AS A JOKE. And she seriously said after, that the joke was inappropriate and that she was really sad about it. The thing is that both me and my girlfriend thought that nothing was wrong, and her facial expression looked genuinely glad and normal (no issues) and also that she didnt say anything at the club, she could have said to my girlfriend that I was being wrong and that she was upset but she didnt say anything. Now after the event her boyfriend says that we're suppose to see that she was sad and upset.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
wykYRgcGwam5gNsClrOgqA6Z1C9KIRsA
|
abhmjk
|
{
"description": "sending a guy home after bringing him home from the club",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for sending a guy home after bringing him home from the club
|
I met a guy in a club tonight. I thought he was cute and decided to invite him to my place since it was closer. We kissed in the club but I cut it short. I finally called an Uber to my place. I wanted to just YouTube and chill since I was on my period. Plus I’m still getting over a 2 year breakup. Yea but mostly the period part.
Ok so we arrive to my place and I make us drinks. He’s touching me and kind of aggressive. I start feeling worried. I walk to the couch and sit down. I wanted to make out. We sit down and make out for a few minutes. I’m into him but feeling like nah. I don’t wanna up my body count rn. It’s the first night of 2019. While he is on top of me grinding me I interrupt
“I gotta wake up early tomorrow.”
“Okay what you mean then?”
“I gotta be up early....”
“What does that mean?”
“Maybe you should go home”
“Wow I came all the way out here when I could’ve been with my boys”
I laughed a bit just because it was crazy. Like wow you really mad??!? I’m not feeling you. It is was fun bringing you over but now honestly I just want to sleep alone.
So I get up and call YOU an Uber. The whole time I am terrified. You keep talking about how fucked up I am and how this was a waste of time.
So I just want to know... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
Tw1F6Z91Gi4jjLxKHtbGVznsDaSzS7eJ
|
av4drz
|
{
"description": "not visiting my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I do not visit my friend?
|
I am going to refer to my friend as Sara. We are both 25yo females.
Sara and I connected in college and have been best friends for several years. She moved back to her hometown in May 2016 and now lives 10 hours away from me by car but we have kept in steady contact.
Since she moved away, I’ve made the 10 hour drive and visited her twice – in Aug 2017 & Feb 2018 – and I am looking to make a third trip in March 2019, but this time I am planning to fly. Sara has not come to visit me since she moved, but has said that she intends to make the trip sometime so that we are taking turns traveling. However, she has difficulty finding the time/money to travel because her job doesn’t pay much and she has larger familial responsibilities. My life is more stable & my job pays more so I’ve come to understand & accept that if I want to see her I’ll need to be the one who travels – at least for the time being until her life evens out a bit more. I have not yet booked my flight for March because I am hoping the prices drop some but i am planning to book it by the end of this week.
Fast forward to yesterday – I hadn’t heard from Sara in a couple of days so I reach out to her and ask how she’s doing. Sara replies that she was busy over the weekend because she went to her coworker’s sister’s wedding. She tells me that they traveled for the wedding – with a layover in Chicago and a destination of Orlando – and that she only really had to pay for food & hotel as her father’s airline points covered the price of the flight. I was surprised because it was the first I’d heard about her going on this trip – which is unusual because we talk almost every day and keep each other updated on our lives – but I told her that I was glad that she had a nice trip and left it at that.
However, the more I think about her trip to Florida, the more hurt I feel. She has been telling me for years that she doesn’t have the time/money to take a trip to visit me, but then she makes a trip to the wedding of someone she hasn’t met...I could understand a little more if the coworker was a significant other or something, but they are just friends – both 25yo straight females. And I'm also hurt that she hid this trip from me – most likely because she realizes how this looks from my perspective. I am trying to let it go and not let it bother me – but it is upsetting me more than I expected.
I have not yet told Sara that I am feeling hurt over this situation. She is very passive and does not deal with conflict well, so my plan was to talk to her about my feelings in person when I visit in March. If I choose to cancel the trip though, I would tell her now about how I feel and explain that this is the reason I am cancelling.
So – WIBTA if I chose to cancel my trip for March because of this? I feel like I am making our friendship a priority and that she is not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
j868hCw58hgIqN5SJcCTwMOsdrj8glwP
|
b31m1e
|
{
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend on Omegle",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting my girlfriend on Omegle?
|
For a bit of context, this happened about 3-4 years ago and the relationship is long over. I still miss her, but not some of the shit she pulled. She was an odd girl, but I loved her to death when we were together. She had self-diagnosed herself with multiple personalities, and while that didn't get in the way of the relationship too often, it was also like walking on eggshells when a 'personality' that didn't like me reared its head. For example; saying I wanted to go inside during a hot day pretty much 'discouraged' her from ever accepting date ideas from me. On top of that she had started talking with another guy behind my back as 'she wanted to try something new', and that led to her breaking it off with me. I now see that was for the better.
The day started off normally. School, home, and then I went over her house for a visit as per usual.
She was preparing to do a modelling gig with her friend, and I was helping her get ready. I mostly helped with her hair and such, helping her fit into her outfit, etc. Then I come to find out that she doesn't want me along. Why? Because she wanted some alone time with her friend. I say 'alright, that's fair', as I didn't want to intrude. (I know the guy (ftm) was in a relationship at the time, so this wasn't a concern of whether or not she was being unfaithful, I just wanted to be their with my girlfriend) I try to convince her to let me go, but still she's adamant about going alone and I end up heading home.
She gets back after a few hours and she shows me a few photos over DM. She then says that she wants to spend some time one Omegle with her OTHER female friend showing off her outfit and her make-up. Of course, I ask why. "I just like doing it, I get compliments and they make me feel good about myself" Ok. Cool. But you're also in a relationship and that seems like you value the opinion of random strangers online over my own. And of course, I tell her this. And soon it devolves into an argument about how she just wants to feel special and I'm making her feel like shit and etc... It wasn't really an argument so much as her yelling at me. But since I'm at home, there's nothing I can really do to physically stop her, and of course she goes on Omegle with her friend to show off and I'm left feeling jealous, sad, and frustrated. I got hounded for a while after that, and this was the first time that she threatened a breakup... the next day in school... in the middle of class... over text. I was distraught, but her friend was on-board with her. Messaging me that I was acting petty and that she just wanted to feel positive about her body (she was borderline anorexic, and I had been helping her improve her diet and eating habits) and I was making her feel like all her hard work was for nothing.
It's a few years later, and in this particular situation, I'm still unsure whether my feelings against the whole Omegle thing was justified... So, people of Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
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