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aVzcMaD2VR5UdkF0VcUXdOSm7oHHVuN0
|
b3mpnj
|
{
"description": "honking my car horn in the drive thru line",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for honking my car horn in the drive thru line?
|
So I was in a fast food drive through line and I had just ordered. There were also several other people waiting to order behind me and it seemed like the person in front of me wasn’t paying any attention. The line moved and I waited longer than I feel I should have to hit my horn just to get the person to move forward so the person behind me could order. He started yelling incoherent words at me (both our windows were down) and, while I tried my best to stifle it, I chuckled a bit. He did not like that. He jumped out of his car and started angrily storming toward me. I didn’t think he would do anything, but I put my window up for good measure. The man came right up next to my window to yell more incoherent words then stomped back to his car. He then turned around and yelled a few more things, then got into his car and moved forward. It all happened pretty quickly, within what felt like about 15 seconds, but by the time he was done the line had moved forward for a second time.
So, should I not have honked at this guy? Was I wrong to? I thought that’s kind of what horns were for. Anyway, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
kdRGpothnupJwHBtErCbfROVF5coy5Eb
|
am02ep
|
{
"description": "not telling my boyfriend I had lunch with a friend near his work",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not telling my boyfriend I had lunch with a friend near his work?
|
Sorry, this is very rambly, TL;DR at the bottom.
So, this seems silly to me, but my boyfriend seemed upset. (I have not said so to him)
About a week ago a friend of mine asked me to meet up. I was busy at the time, so we agreed on a lunch 3 days ago. I told my boyfriend (who I was with at the time) and he didn't really comment (he knows this friend, but they're not close, and I haven't seen her in about three months, but we used to spend almost every day together at some point). So 3 days ago the two of us met up and went out to lunch. Because of some new dietary restrictions on her part we went to a place nearish my bf's work (about 15min drive from my home, 5min from his work) because it's the only place nearby that's sure to have food for her. I found out about these new restrictions about a month ago, when I shared the information with my boyfriend, who was with me when she texted me. I did not mention the lunch to my boyfriend aside from the initial agrement that I'll be going.
So a day after the lunch my boyfriend texted me just remarking on how he's seen I've been to that side of town (i think she posted sth about going to that place to eat with me). I said that yes, I went with that friend and we went there because of her dietary restrictions and didn't really tell him, because:
1. It was during his work hours and he wouldn't have been able to join us anyway
2. I had to be back home by the time he'd finish work due to some obligations (which I told him about before)
3. He would hate the food there
From then on he pretty much just made some minor snide comments, so I'm guessing he's upset (I haven't asked directly and he hasn't said anything)
I also didn't really mention the lunch afterwards because I felt I had nothing to say. I told I was going to lunch, he had good reason to assume we'd be eating at the place we were since I told him about her dietary resteictions and I fidn't want to talk about what we talked about, because when I did in the past he just said that he didn't care at all. So I just didn't mention having gone to lunch, when we were having a phonecall for about 2h in the evening while he played a videogame with some friends, pretty much just asked about his day and how the game was going, and then pretty much stayed quiet, so as not to bother or talk over his friends (I couln't hear them, they were in the in-game call together but I could hear that he was talking to them about the game tactics and stuff) So I just didn't think the lunch was that important.
But now he seems to be upset since he's borderline ignoring me. And I don't know if I did sth wrong or not?
TL;DR: Told my boyfriend I was gonna have lunch with a friend in a week, had lunch with her, didn't tell boyfriend about it after having lunch with her, just the week before, he saw on her social media, now he's upset with me for not telling himm. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
NZx61Du5AId80uegdWjrFSKI7m2oNLfJ
|
atsfty
| null |
AITA Parked a bit awkwardly in a lot and the guy who parked next to me shows up but I don’t move my car
|
Honestly this really isn’t that huge, I’ve just been bothered by this for the past few days.
So I just drove somewhere with a really crowded lot and found like the last open spot which had two pickup trucks on either side. They were both kinda close to the sidelines, but I have a pretty small car and managed to squeeze my car in between. Unfortunately, there wasn’t that much space on my right side, as in to the point a person would have to squeeze past both cars’ view mirrors sideways (they were at different heights but in line with each other). It seemed to be passable though so I just exited my car and left.
Cue several hours later and I go back and sit in my car to wait for a friend that I’m driving. I’m sitting there watching some videos on my phone with earbuds when I hear some angry cursing nearby. It was the owner of the truck to my right, and he was carrying a really fat backpack. It was fat enough that it’d make getting into his car really awkward with mine in the way. I was about to ask him if he wanted me to move, but the moment he saw me he started cursing me out to these other guys he was with (probably thought I couldn’t hear) and I could hear everything he said through my car. He said stuff like ‘shitface’ and ‘whore’ and ‘fucker’ and like I just got really stressed out (he was like 6’ something and really muscle-ly while I’m a 5’4” girl and weak as a baby). He just kept going on and on and got more and more angry and I actually got scared there for a second. I don’t really like confrontations (okay I’m kinda a scaredy-cat) so I pretended not to hear and didn’t move my car or anything.
He really did struggle in getting into his car though and I felt really bad about it sitting there the entire time. But, he spent the entire time muttering under his breath about how I was a “brain damaged shitface” and “what kind of mentally retarded idiot does this” and stuff like that, which intimidated me into pretending to be absorbed in my video and letting him struggle like that. I know I’m at fault for parking like that then just sitting there while he was insulting me struggling to get past my car but I was literally too scared to move with him being really aggressive and having other tall buff guys with him.
So I think he’s an asshole for just flipping out at me over this inconvenience, but I’m also not sure about just sitting there and letting him struggle. Ignoring his insults, I just want to know if it was a dickish move to just sit there and let him squeeze through. I mean I could have technically just driven off without saying anything but I had to wait for a friend so it seemed like I was being an ass on purpose.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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WRONG
|
0P4fuKfO8L2bbTBKnwMsliZWO9wk7xZr
|
9wa06v
|
{
"description": "not believing encouragement",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not believing encouragement?
|
TL;DR at bottom
So a little background: I got my degree in secondary education, with an emphasis in physics. I have always been passionate about physics, more so than education, but I wasn't sure of my own abilities. I opted to focus on teaching high school instead of pursuing physics myself, for several reasons. one of which was that I felt like I just wasn't up to the challenge. But that brings us to the scenario:
I got a job at high school out of college and taught there for two years. At the start of the second year, I decided that I wasn't satisfied in my current position. Its not that I thought being a teacher was too easy/not important, but more like I felt that I had given up on myself before I really tested my limits with physics. So I decided that at the end of the year, I would quit teaching high school and go for a masters in physics, but I still had doubts about my skill.
Our high school had a very close knit staff, so when I made the announcement, I was given nothing but support by my coworkers. They would often discuss my plans, as we still had most of the semester to finish up before I left. And invariably, my nervousness about the difficulty of the degree came out. And, invariably, everyone I talked to said things like "you'll be fine, I know you're smart enough." And, Invariably, I would respond with "Thanks, but we'll just have to see how it goes."
Now this response seemed to piss some of them off, especially the teachers I was closest with. They seemed to think that my continued negative attitude in the face of their encouragement was somehow a reflection of me not respecting their opinions. They would ask me things like "how can you say you're not up to it when we are all telling you that you are?!?!" And again, I am extremely grateful for the support they offered. But they didn't really know what they were talking about.
This was a pretty small high school, so I was the only physics teacher on staff. Furthermore, I was the only teacher who was even certified to teach physics, and the only one that had taken more than the introductory courses in college. This meant that none of them had ever tried out Lagrangian Mechanics, or solved a Schrodinger Equation, or any of the more rigorous stuff. The three math teachers on staff probably had the closest idea of the rigor involved, which is why their responses weren't of the "I know you can do this" type and more of the "If I can help you somehow, let me know" type.
So for these teachers to tell me "You can do this" was really more of them saying "I have no clue of what it is you have to do, but I'm sure you can do it" Which wasn't really helpful to me, outside of the general positivity of being surrounded by support. It wasn't meaningful support. It was the platitudes of people who were simply trying to fulfill a role of good friend/coworker.
And normally, I would accept this encouragement as I stated above, "thanks, but we'll just have to see how it goes." And nothing more. Its not like somebody would try to encourage me and I'd yell back, "Well what use is that, coming from some dip Sh\*t like you?"
However, when they asked me why I still seemed skeptical, even with their support, I answered them truthfully. I explained in a similar manner as above, in what I though were respectful terms. Essentially saying that I had struggled somewhat with the material I learned in my undergrad, and I knew that grad school would be much more rigorous, and I wasn't sure that I could hack it, but I had to try. And that even though I appreciate their support, their words didn't carry the weight of experience in this area, so they had less of an impact.
Several of my coworkers ended up getting mad at me for this response. They accused me of being ungrateful for their support, calling them dumb because they didn't know much physics (which, again, I didn't think that they were dumb or anything, but essentially said that they were commenting on an area that they themselves admitted to having very little knowledge in), wallowing in my own self pity to earn sympathy points from others, and trying to present the difficulty of physics as such an impossible thing that it should be an impressive feat that I am attempting to get my master's degree while the rest of those mere mortals were stuck in a public high school.
And I would state that if the story had been slightly different, I would be the asshole for sure. I.E. If they had offered support, but my immediate response was to tell them that they didn't know how hard it was going to be, so their words didn't really make me feel any better. That would make me an asshole, IMO.
But when they offered support, and I thanked them for that support, then they continued on by asking me why their support wasn't convincing me, AITA?
TL;DR: My coworkers got mad at me because I didn't believe them when they said that I could achieve a difficult task, even though they didn't have a concept of what that task entails. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
BGDJBzzx3Nrm9MX1UJKypOCi45LtTpWS
|
amccgh
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be a friend to someone who has life and possibly mental problems",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be a friend to someone who has life and possibly mental problems?
|
So I will tell the story from the start to my current day.
I was hanging around in discord doing useless but fun stuff when I noticed this one girl. She was bad at the game in which the server is based on, so I ridicule her gameplay in front of some people. However it turns out that she's there at the server. Knowing this, I apologized to her about the ridicule and deleted all the mean shit I said to her.
(yep, I possibly have separate asshole moments. I am not a good person)
So after that is done, I noticed that she keeps sending nudes/ inappropriate pics to the server. I scold her about it, and in response she showed her arm which is full of cuts. I know she had self harmed herself, so me and a friend of mine started talking to her to hopefully help her get back in track.
My friend didn't have much success, but I had too much success. We ended up talking for hours like a new couple :p. I was very amazed by the level of openness she had with me and gradually I made her the center of my attention and to be honest, my life.
Our chats started running dry after 2 weeks. We simply ran out of things to say. At this point I was desperately searching for stuff for us to talk, but ALAS the talks starts to dry up. We then settle into this kinda "quality talk" where we just converse brief but fun stuff sometimes
1 month into our friendship, I started liking her (I know it's completely irrational) and you know it just motivated me to invite her to talk to me at all times. One day she goes missing for 1 day and we didn't do any talks. I was very worried for her and my thoughts went to really bad stuff. Finally she responded. I was very happy that she responded. We talked a bit and she said she had a one night stand with a guy named Alex. She hoped she and him become partners. This devastated me but also made me a little bit relieved, since I hope this Alex guy will help her with her problems as well.
And then come the holidays....
On the holidays our talk started to dry up even more, we barely find anything to talk about. I am aware that she's getting bored of our talk. I was unable to contact Alex at all. He couldn't speak English at all so I couldn't discuss with him how we can help her. During this period I became very worried of her and I became a very negative and emotionally unstable person. I decided to contact one of my acquaintance to go help her as well. My acquaintance (we call her Eve) is very happy to help her (we call her Kris).
Just when Ever talked to Kris, she spilled the beans. Alex was fake and Kris created him just to make me relieved. This moment made me not crush her anymore, but I understand and tried to look past that.
I won't bore you with the details. Me and Kris just have bigger distance over the month. At this point me and Eve also discovered that Kris also lied about their talk, and asked me to investigate it. It's true. She claimed to have real sword fights and post a picture from Google as evidence. My distrust of Kris grew.
Then one day I discovered that Kris is not open to me anymore. She started telling her secrets to Eve instead of me unless I asked her about that specific topic. At this point I gave up and I want to leave her be, I don't want to care for her again. It hurt me in a lot of ways. I also don't want to pretend to be her friend. It is disgusting to me, and I choose to just be clear about it than having fake smiles plastered over my face when I don't care what our talk is in the slightest.
For fairness, Kris has a lot of fucking problems in her life (although I cannot be sure they are lies or not).
Her problems are:
-her parents left her since March 2018 (like, they dissapear. She only got monthly allowance from them)
-she didn't have any friends in her college
-her brother moved out 2 weeks ago ( she said it's good but IDK. Seems pretty bad for me)
-she was forced into taking a major she didn't want
-she self harms
-she often has depressive thoughts and dark humors
-some of the server members are against her since she still occasionally posts nudes and shit. There was a fucking big drama over this that Eve also got whipped up on
-she had an abortion in a rape (I myself believe she had a one night stand and have accidental pregnancy but I cannot know for sure)
-she often drinks heavily
-she works in a bar with strippers around and servicing drinks to men and occasional women there
-she had some sort of disease that got her bedrest some months ago, and now she is forced to take blood tests every 3 months for a year
Am I The Asshole? Also, what should I do?
TL;DR
I am exhausted mentally and emotionally from a friend. I wanted us to not be friends anymore,or at least for me to not care about every single thing she did,but I don't want her to be left alone, especially since she had a lot of life/mental problems
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
Fln90YtMvBexNalRXjwpF1PGuPnRiwc6
|
b26l4w
| null |
AITA
|
So my gf claims she got at least an 8th (marijuana) for $15 when she was drunk Friday night. Now she says she only spent $10 on it and gave the person $5 to deliver it.
The problem is that I've never met a drug dealer who will drive to you that late (this happened around midnight-1 a.m.) and give you a lot extra. I feel like the situation is hella suspect and when I asked her she kept saying things and then back tracking.
I think that she did something to get that much for so little and when I said that she got mad at me and brought up past situations saying only "If you're gonna be mad at me for this then I can be mad at you for that." (???)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
l4ipq159HEYBmKLuSiu9EjOWjU5RPVpi
|
abdyk8
|
{
"description": "abandoning an apparently depressed friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for abandoning an apparently depressed friend?
|
Context: In college. This happened twice, actually, with slightly different scenarios; I'm the common denominator in both these somewhat unfavorable situations, so I'm concerned about this.
Case 1:
I had a friend, Jeff, who appears to be depressed *as far as I can tell*, although Jeff has never really been to a mental health clinic to have it diagnosed.
Jeff and I mostly talk and support each other at times and I, being good at academics, often help Jeff with his classes. Jeff is not exactly struggling with to pass his classes, but his grades are rather low and he doesn't have much hope for his future.
At some point I decided to cut off the friendship because
1. Jeff does not currently offer much of value to me. We do not really share many similar hobbies or interests, so I don't find talking to Jeff entertaining. I trust Jeff and he is one of the very few people I can be honest with some personal things about, but I do not value that very much.
2. Jeff is a depressing influence. Most of our conversations are about Jeff being worried about his future or reminiscing about his past crushes, which in turn makes me feel depressed. I believe that I may have been a source of confort for Jeff since I'm optimistic in a weird way.
3. As far as I know, I am not capable of changing Jeff's excessively pessimitic behaviour, so I did not expect this situation to improve. (This dynamic lasted for most of a year.)
4. Jeff does not seek other people for help and believes other people to not understand him.
Case 2: Emily is essentially the same, except
1. Instead of worrying about her future, she just has a general (perhaps warranted?) sense of inferiority relative to those around her. They both worry about their romantic pursuits.
2. Emily insists that she's very okay with her life and not unhappy no matter how depressed or pessimistic the things she says sounds.
-----
In both cases, I broke off the friendship by being honest and telling them that they not useful to me and even a negative influence to me in their current state and I am unable to fix their problems, so I cannot expect anything I do for them to be worthwhile in the long term either; being what I believe to be a reasonably self-centered person, I choose to terminate the friendship and avoid talking to them.
In Jeff's case, I blocked him on social media after, but I realized that that probably wasn't necessary when it happened with Emily later on.
(names edited)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Qd1r4Dz2qD1QcW36OyDaZzP2a7cVBOLO
|
b188ti
|
{
"description": "abandoning my friends at IKEA for wasting my time while intoxicated",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for abandoning my friends at IKEA for wasting my time while intoxicated?
|
**Background**
I am a college student and my roommate is a writer and a moderate drug user. My roommate, who we are going to call Jim in this post, smokes a lot of weed and drinks. He has weird habits for brainstorming for ideas such as standing on his desk, laying flat on his desk, jumping on his desk etc. This is fine with me because hes usually not too loud and this type of behavior only happens every now and then when he is facing a writers block.
​
**Incident**
Jim had a pretty old desk and it faced quite a bit of abuse from Jim. One day Jim got quite frustrated and managed to break a part of the desk. It wasn't a big part of the desk, but the desk soon became an eyesore and we agreed to get rid of it. My roommate doesn't have his own car and relies on me and another dude to give him rides around town. Let's call that other dude Tim. Me, Tim and Jim decide to go out to IKEA to pick up a new desk. I needed to look at some pillows and Tim decided to come with us. This is when it goes south. Jim had something misfire in his brain and thought it was a good time to pop some edibles on the day we had planned to go shopping. We go to a few furniture stores and find nothing. We finally head over to IKEA as a last resort store. It was about noon at this point and Jim wasn't completely out of it, but I could tell when the weed was talking.
​
We agree to go on a lunch break to a local Mexican place. We have lunch and Jim decides that he needed a drink. I have a bottle of vodka in my car from a party I went to, and Jim just remembered about it. Jim and Tim get in the car together in the back seat and do shots out of a souvenir shot glass that I have in my car. We are close friends and we take each others'alcohol as we please. They finish doing shots and I was well aware of how drunk they were. They were drunk enough to be stumbling a bit, but not in Jupiter quite yet. Jim was still high and now drunk. Jim walked into IKEA and literally started jumping on the damn desk. Tim encouraged him and thought it was quite funny. I was just like wtf and moved to a different section of the store. After some time I realized that Jim and Tim had no intention of shopping and were just wasting my time while being drunk/high. I picked out some pillows and headed over to the checkout. At this point, security had caught up with these fools and I was kinda pissed because I was the one who facilitated this whole trip. I just got up and left and let them figure out how to get home since my time was wasted. The IKEA is like a solid 30 min from the the place me and Jim stay at. They had to call some taxi service, and they called me a ass for abandoning them there. I told them they were wasting my time and maybe they shouldn't have been drinking vodka and eating edibles when I helped them with their trip. AITA for abandoning my friends after they wasted my time?
Note: Jim and Tim are not their real names
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
JZEe0bi5PbBHSQYMrO83oCQ6mYrVVexh
|
akvadc
|
{
"description": "backleading and then defending my point",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for backleading and then defending my point?
|
I am in my university’s ballroom dance club. Today was Week 2 for Polka. My strong suit is West Coast Swing, but like to expand my horizons. I’ve learned and developed compensation techniques for when it comes to newer leads, one of which is backleading. So today in the class I danced with this guy who had a good frame and knew how to dance but had zero sense of rhythm. So I backled. I almost started counting out the rhythm “ONE AND TWO, THREE AND FOUR” but he said “If I lead you this way you should go this way.” I said “It wouldn’t be a problem if you kept up with the rhythm.” After the turn I told him “You led very well but if I can make just one comment, it’s that your rhythm is off. You should go ask [the instructor] to help you with your rhythm.” I feel like I could’ve worded the first time better and then let it go or just ignored him and continued to backlead. Nonetheless I feel like an anus...so...what do you say? Am I the anus?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
pcSmJNGv3KCIxBLkf7rEfC8AzVMY1tE4
|
aryqjm
|
{
"description": "having sex with my best friends crush while I was black out drunk",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for having sex with my best friends crush while I was black out drunk
|
Ok so a little backstory my best friend who I'll name Richard has had an interest in one of the girls in our friend group who I'll name Ashley for a while now and had being trying to go out with her since about a year ago so yesterday my friend group went to a party since it was my other friend birthday and I had taken a couple shots and since I cant handle my liquor got piss drunk now I dont remember anything that happened later but some of my friends the next day told me Ashley had started talking to me and then took me to one of the rooms upstairs and that after about an hour we came back down and that Richard had being pissed at me and started yelling about how I could have done that to him and how I knew he want to be with Ashley and how I was an dick and then stormed off angry I tried texting Richard but he won't respond so am I the asshole here
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
8dgE6hUbitLRj6EDG22iC321cxrLRjoG
|
ayls5u
|
{
"description": "calling out an SJW",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling out an SJW?
|
Other person:
Just a reminder that able-bodied bourgeois cishet white men are explicitly not valid!
Me:
Fun writing tip! If replacing the race in your sentence with another makes you sound racist, you might want to think about what you're saying. I'm not entirely able bodied and I'm bi. But a large portion of my friends are exactly what you described. I'm all for supporting your community, but don't think critizing others will impove your life.
Other Person:
fun not being racist tip!!
You can't be racist to white people. Whine about this somewhere anybody cares.
also, you have shit taste in friends if they're app able-bodied, cishet, white, and offense-prone.
Me:
Read this back, but slowly
Other person:
Let me say this in a more direct, easier to understand way:
You are wrong. You do not know what you're talking about. Making derogatory statements about groups with significant power is not the same as making derogatory statements about groups with less power.
White people have privilege. Cis people have privilege. Heterosexual people have privilege. Able-bodied people have privilege. Folx of high socio-economic standing have privilege.
Saying that being critical of white people is the same as being critical of people of marginalized races is racist. Your statement was racist. You are not welcome to be racist here.
Im @vega here:
https://vulpine.club/@slightlyflightyone/101711499844418982
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aej04z
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{
"description": "not wanting my roommate's russian \"boyfriend\" (who has legal issues and insukted us and our home) stay in our house",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my roommate's russian "boyfriend" (who has legal issues and insukted us and our home) stay in our house?
|
A little background story: my roommate and friend has been dating a man (roo.ate is 29 guy is 35) for like 3_ 4 months , they met through a dating app and started dating right away. They are not in exclusive according to her since she is seeing other people but I think he thinks she's his gf and not dating anyone else. Anyways we share an apartment with 2 bedrooms and common areas. This guy happens to be Russian, and is seeking political asylum in our country , he has been having some major legal problems (were he has been accused of doing stuff I'm not getting into detail) and the thing is an international organization got to him here, so he has been having some serious issues but still free to walk. He doesn't seem dangerous but you never know plus he barely speaks our language (Spanish).
So the guy has been staying in our apartment while he is renting his to make some extra money through air b n b , without my consent. My friend never asked me if it was ok for him to crush from time to time in our house, like full time. Like t
3 weeks ago my friend was away on a trip and he came to my house on Friday and lived there until Monday or Tuesday. My friend didn't know he was doing that and they got into a major fight after that. He called her many names and Insulted me and our home and behaved very poorly. He continues to stay at our place and she never asked me how I felt about that, specially with his background story... Is not like he is staying one night and they leaving in the morning.
Bottom line, now they got back together after he had some very shitty attitudes, and now I don't feel comfortable around the guy. Should I talk to her about it again? I wouldn't say I'm afraid of the guy but I'm cautious. AITA FOR not wanting him to stay for days at my house? I don't even know if I want to see him when I wake up because he is at my place making breakfast etc....
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
mb9cEYQtOFWcrx7SyIs5LLrrPXHiFEta
|
ax27cp
|
{
"description": "writing a note containing the F word to my niece",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA: I wrote a note containing the F word to my niece.
|
My niece (12f) and I (17f) exchange notes and drawings a lot (we live in the same house). Anyway, she made me a necklace, which I thought was really cool, and I wrote her a note saying how fucking awesome it was.
Well, her mom (my sister) went into my niece's room without knocking (my niece was in the room), and read the note without my niece's permission.
She is super pissed at me for writing my niece a note that contained the f bomb, and told me so, and that I should never swear/write words like that to/around my niece again (not that I swear a lot anyway).
I thought it was completely unjustified, as it was a PRIVATE note to my niece, and none of her mom's business.
TL;DR wrote a note to my niece that contained the word "fucking", and her mom read it and got pissed at me about writing it.
So, Reddit, Am I The Asshole??
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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|
aspclu
|
{
"description": "not telling my friends I moved states",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not telling my friends i moved states?
|
I'm 18 and moved states before my last year of high school and only told a few people. Before I left I had some good times and made an effort to go to more parties and stuff, but I didn't even tell some of my good friends I was leaving. I don't know if I was just scared and prefer deal with things on my own or that I don't like sentiment, but looking back it seems kind of fucked up. It was a big change that was hard to cope with and I feel like an asshole for dropping out of some peoples lives.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
D7NAIPxp68ovF966JqdKrUIgQsyBJpQY
|
af5psa
|
{
"description": "being pissed bout this convo between my bf and his ex",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being pissed bout this convo between my bf and his ex?
|
He used to shit talk me to this girl months ago.
She said: I dunno what to say. I’m sad you’re not in my life (my fault) and I’m still curious and sad as to why I’m not enough. I wish I could have answers but I know you don’t want to be pressed (you said you didn’t wanna talk). So I guess goodbye then? I do Not think you’ll ever want to talk to me.
He: I'm extremely hesitant to but I would like to speak one day with you. There's a couple things I want to talk about. But if it's going to be a shit show or rehashing things, there's no reason.
She: It would mainly just be a final convo and I’m ok with that. Just kinda sucks
He: Unless one of us dies, I highly doubt that it would be the last convo ever. Maybe some time next week or the week after.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
j2Xl8YbPqpqm2hNfm5wXoW7HaMtSUuMx
|
9yynbe
|
{
"description": "wanting more from a friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting more from a friend?
|
I've been friends with this guy for a few years now. Really close for the past year and we dated in the months leading up to his having to move away due to getting a new job in a different state. We decided to break up because he wasn't ready for long distance, but wanted to remain friends.
We texted almost incessantly that year up until a week after he left. We hung out together any spare moment we had. I was there for him through some really tough times involving people close to him and I can pretty confidently say that I was a great friend and girlfriend, even through times that he was especially shitty to me (I never took it to heart because of what he was going through). We'd said we'd keep in touch in various ways/be there for each other when he left.
However the moment he started his new job he seems to have decided that he didn't have time for me. I had needed to call him a few times for what were necessary work continuity things (we had worked together and of course we chatted every time), but he started to sound annoyed with me for calling at all. He'd take entire days to respond to texts (I know he basically always has his phone glued to his hand).
My last call to him was to keep him posted on some milestones I'd hit which he had previously asked to be kept posted on, and he started complaining he doesn't talk to even his really good friends that aren't immediately in his vicinity more than every 3-5 months unless he explicitly needs something. I took the hint and apologized, and it's been some time since we last spoke.
Obviously, I hadn't expected to talk/text nearly as often, but to be told that he just wouldn't talk to me unless absolutely necessary was unexpected, abrupt, and hurtful.
I want to tell myself that transitioning to living in a new place is difficult/busy and maybe he just needs time, but it's painful to be shut out by someone you care about.
We live in the digital age, and while I didn't expect a ton of communication, I didn't expect to be essentially ghosted by someone I considered my closest friend. It's not hard to text a person and I have many other people that I keep in touch intermittently with this way.
Am I the asshole/in the wrong for having expected more from a friend?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aagdxp
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{
"description": "feeling bad because my friends blanked me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling bad because my friends blanked me?
|
I will try to explain this as clearly as possible, as I have a tendency to get muddled up when explaining my social issues. I'll refer to everyone by letters, and call them friends, though I'm not sure if they are my friends anymore. We live in the UK.
So. I have this friend I'll call L. He moved to Australia back in October. And I have a very good friend I'll call T, who ended up replacing me with L. It got to a point where all he would do is talk to L and I suppose I felt rather neglected. A few months before L left, he wasn't sure he was actually going to leave. Me and T had an arguement and stopped speaking for ages. He blocked me on all platforms. Days after L confirmed he was leaving and when, he began talking to me again. At the time I already had suspicions of him simply using me because L was leaving. He doesn't have many close friends.
Now, they were in this social circle. And I was too. But these people would ignore me completely when I sat with them. I'm not exaggerating either; I could sit for the forty minutes we get for lunch break and be completely ignored. No matter how hard I'd try to get their attention, there'd be no response. So these other people, H and D, began inviting me to sit with them. They talk to me, include me, and make me feel wanted. It's nice. After L left, T began following me around everywhere and began sitting with us. Fine. It got annoying, but fine, because I thought he genuinely just wanted to be my friend.
So L has come back for Christmas break. Two weeks before he came back, I asked people if they wanted to meet up in our local city. They all seemed up for it. T kept talking about it. I made a Whatsapp group for it, and invited people I'll call F, X, Z, alongside T and L. I messaged them a week later, everyone was up for it.
I met up with T on Christmas Eve. He'd been off of college sick all week, with the flu. All week. On Saturday, it seemed like he made a sudden, miraculous recovery as he went and hung out with L. I wasn't invited. That's fine; they are close, whatever. We met up on Christmas Eve so I could give him his Christmas present. He spoke pretty much solely about L.
Now. I messaged this group again over twenty four hours ago, asking if they wanted to meet up on Monday. They said they'd be free all week, see. Well, I didn't get a response from anyone for a while, despite all of them being active on the main group chat. I check to find four out of the five people had read it and not responded. Okay. I wait until twenty four hours had passed (just to give it a day, as F hadn't read it). And then everyone had read it. And just left me on read.
I got really upset, honestly. Like. It's one thing for one person not to respond, but these people who I do talk to despite not sitting with them during break and lunch (I sit with them in the mornings, some free periods and on this group), people who claim to want me in their life, just left me on read. So I sent a message after asking my mother what to do. I was fairly sarcastic, so perhaps I shouldn't have been, though I was really upset at the time. I basically thanked them for the acknowledgement, and said it was clear where I stood with them, and wished them all a happy new year. Z said he'd just forgotten to respond, but I don't buy that. At all. Everyone else has left me on read again.
It also just solidifies the fact T was only using me because L had left and he'd have no one. He was really rude the other day. I was very upset as I'd broke my glasses, and feared that I'd need to spend a lot of money to get them replaced. I had this money; but this money was money was savings to finally buy something I've wanted for nearly three years now. He made sarcastic, completely unrelated comments. He's been really... dick-ish recently, if I'm honest.
I geninuinely feel like crying. If it helps at all, I have Aspergers syndrome. I'm not great at this people thing. I don't know if this is normal. I don't have too many friends. None of my friends are really good friends as I share no interests with them. H and D are great as they're really accepting. It's hard to explain, but they're honestly great. I have an amazing online friend too, but recently she hasn't spoken to me too much. I know I've done nothing wrong, but it doesn't feel like it. I generally feel really shitty right now as well, so I don't know if that is just making me think things wrong. My mother said that we could go together to the city instead of them, as she got me a book token for Christmas and I know exactly which book I would like to get. It just makes me feel sick because I don't actually know if I've done something wrong. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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RM6ilTCxxmk8nymiyRlLbcFYx5YyhSaV
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b56i0j
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{
"description": "wanting to talk to my roommates as little as possible and openly telling them no/not doing what they ask",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to talk to my roommates as little as possible and openly telling them no/not doing what they ask?
|
I have two roommates. They're friends. They go to the same college. We are NOT friends. I don't like them because I feel left out by them (I tried to be their friend and ask lots of questions, but they never return the favor), I feel that they're pretty judgmental, I don't like that they're strong Christians and pushed it heavily on me in the past.
And I resent the fact that one of them, I call him Billy, well Billy's grandpa owns the apartment building so Billy does not pay rent. He only pays part of the electric/internet bill.
Billy sends lots of text messages complaining. I feel targeted by Billy. He does this thing where he sends a whole long text with lots of guilt trip and passive aggression about one simple thing such as me leaving a glass on the table.
Because Billy doesn't even pay rent and because he was rude to me, I feel like he doesn't get to tell me shit. I am very tired of Billy and the other guy bossing me around, but acting like best friends.
They also told me they aren't comfortable with my girlfriend staying over because Billy's grandpa wouldn't like it. Fuck that.
I should be able to have my girlfriend stay, I'm tired of only inviting her when my roommates aren't there. I live there too.
I'll admit, I did screw up once. I smoked weed in the apartment which they don't like and I rolled joints on top of Billy's textbook and forgot about it. He was pretty mad when he found it on the couch. I apologized and we worked it out.
So. I decided that I'll just avoid contact with them. I know we live together, but at least we don't see each other much. I decided I'll just let my girlfriend stay when we want to and it does not matter what they think. I won't go out of my way to be shitty but I refuse to do what they say anymore, and they can deal with it.
AITA for standing up for myself or are my roommates assholes? I'm genuinely asking. My girlfriend says I'm doing the right thing, my mom says I'm being too harsh and kind of a douche.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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1M5QRId55bhefkYlFi2Ok2LO959iXb7r
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aer4y4
| null |
AITA for... being an asshole?
|
To preface, I know i was an asshole, I want an outside opinion on whether or not it was justified. Probably doesn't belong here I know, I'd appreciate recommendations. With that said, let's get into the actual story. (Warning long by my standards. TL;DR at the bottom)
(Throwaway because my friends know my reddit account)
For context if it matters this all happened in Grade 8/9. So it's basically just the usual drama.
Last year, there was a girl at school who had a crush on me. I did not like her at all, ever. I had disliked her basically since I first met her years before, for various reasons. She started staring at me in our last year at that school constantly during class. All the time. (Looking back there were signs since a year before, but that's probably unimportant.) It eventually began to make me uncomfortable, math class, she's staring at me, English same story, you get the point. I tried a reasonable approach at first, asking her to stop staring at me. She seemed embarrassed, (which I understand) and said she would stop staring at me.
She did not, even after I approached her multiple times. Eventually, things got worse. She would try to stand near me when we walked between classes. I started walking away from her/generally doing my best to avoid her, not being rude or making a show of it, just leaving. At this point it had been going on for months and I was sick of it. It was making me very uncomfortable and I was having a hard time focusing. (I don't have a good memory so the timeline moving forward is probably inaccurate). I had no idea what to do, so I started making a point of avoiding her, ignoring her just trying to be left alone. When we were both called to be in the same she loudly exclaimed "Yes!" in front of the entire class.
By this point the entire class and most of the other one knew she liked me and I didn't like her. At some point, I was done, and started to be generally rude. My idea was that if I made her hate me, she'd leave me alone. I made a show of walking away/avoiding her, made some snide comments, just generally trying everything in my power to make her hate me short of literally punching her.. (Apparently she went to the teacher to ask if something was wrong with her because of this, wtf?) At some point she heard me saying something about her behind her back during gym class, and glared at me. I then waved and people near me laughed.
I think the worst part happened, when she WROTE A GODDAMN POEM ABOUT ME AND PERFORMED IT IN FRONT OF THE CLASS. I was pissed, I was embarrassed and generally was just not OK with it. People near me were either laughing, patting me on the back, or voicing agreement when I made the little two finger gun-sign and put it to my head.
This year, I've heard from mutual friends that she hates me and made sure to express how happy I am with a "Thank God" just so I can be sure my plan worked. But I'm still not sure based on how she acts around me. We coincidentally have lockers near each other (The teacher assigned it based on last names) she seems VERY weird when I walk up to my locker and she's at hers. It looks like how I feel when my winning plan is about to work in a game, my arms start to shake and I move very fast. (This was a little off topic but I'll probably be copy-pasting this into an advice sub and wanted to do it all in one go)
My main question is, was I justified in acting the way I did? I know it was very rude and I (sort of) feel bad, but I also feel like I exhausted all other options, then came up with a plan that mostly worked. I know everybody will likely say I was unjustified, but I needed to get this off my chest and didn't have anywhere else to post it.
TL;DR I tried to make a girl hate me by insulting her so she would stop liking me because it was getting annoying and making me uncomfortable. Was it justified? I did not hit her or spread rumors, only insult her.
(sorry for shitty formatting, I don't normally use desktop or make big posts)
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
VOGHXRxp5UQJ9f4ZsjwLkDz0szsgR4NY
|
axhaex
|
{
"description": "confronting someone on their performance",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I confronted someone on their performance?
|
Hey y’all, I’m currently facing some dilemma right now. I’m in charge of hosting a small charity event that has students from around our school district audition and perform Asian cultural stuff. It has now come time to picking the acts for this year, and oh boy are there a lot of kpop dances.
This one particular dance act that auditioned has the other host from another school in it, and besides the usual stuff, the dance was not bad. My only gripe is that the song they chose to dance to features a lot of English, and even an American artist. I’m not talking about just the verse, more like half the song in English.
I’m hesitant to call them out on it, as everyone seems to like their act, but I can’t help but feel like it’s a bit wrong to have their act be there, when other more unique and cool acts (Indian songs, Chinese dance etc) are also hoping to perform. Plus, I’ve quarreled with the other host before, so I think people might see me confronting her as a way of petty revenge.
Would I be the Asshole if I called her out on it?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
ANQJ360VeuGJjtfWlKdzbfK1RNF8Bcfq
|
apuc1c
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go out to eat with my co-workers the first night of a business trip",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go out to eat with my co-workers the first night of a business trip?
|
I am traveling to Nashville for business with some co-workers. I’ve never been there and I’m a huge bluegrass fan. There is a major lineup at the Grand Ole Opry the first night in town and I really want to go. I extended an invitation mostly to be polite as I know that kind of music doesn’t appeal to everyone. The group leader responded by saying that a big wig from the organization has decided to come along (unexpectedly) and wants to go to dinner. This isn’t my boss as it’s a professional organization and not my employer. Am I the asshole for opting for a unique experience?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
jCedmgdu9haaOxyJB0wi1F4Tk8dfZF6P
|
a5j6qt
|
{
"description": "telling my gf that I wouldn't bribe my way through a Driver's license test",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For telling my[27] GF[21] that I wouldn't bribe my way through a Driver's License test
|
So this has been going on for about a day. Last night my GF told me she can bribe the traffic official to pass her test.(we live in a country where this is easy to do).
I told her she can decide but that she must be cool with living the thought of having cheated. I also said I wouldn't do it. She got incredibly short with me and I called her out on it. This is where the troubles started.
Many things were said back and forth, and I know I could have some said things better. But to get down to the main points.
She stated that she just wanted her family to be proud of her. I said that that's cool but would it actually mean anything if you knew you cheated. And that it's better to put in the effort and pass the right way. By this time I was fairly exhausted and could have worded things in a better way. But I don't feel like I was overly harsh.
Fast forward to today. She said that she's not going through with it because of what I've said. And I've been trying to let her understand that I'm not okay with that. I want her to make a decision based on what she feels is okay, not on what I've said or how I've said it. Else I'll just feel like shit every time I see her studying or failing, because it was because of what I said, not her own decision.
I'm a bit lost right now. And I don't know if I've been an asshole because of stating my opinion that was different to hers, or for the fact that I'm basically keeping the fight/discussion going because I can't accept her reasoning behind not going through with the bribe.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ZlBRprrrIqfoZ0temIuUdUV2NFGobTnD
|
ad8faq
|
{
"description": "accepting fantasy football winnings from a deceased league manager's father",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for accepting fantasy football winnings from a deceased league manager's father?
|
Decided to play a winner-take-all fantasy football league this season with some folks my dad knows where he currently lives. I enjoyed a successful season and pretty much dominate the whole year. Anyone in the league would be able to look at my team and pretty much assume I'm going to win it (although I did win in epic fashion by just two points, thank you, Greg Kittle!).
A week before the championship, however, the league manager passed away. His father was also participating in the league (and I would presume handling the finances of it since the league manager was a young guy in college and likely handling the "technology" party of it).
It was a ten-team league at a $50 buy-in, so it was a $500 pot. Socioeconomically, I am a software developer whereas his father is a manager at a small-town fast food restaurant.
I sent the deceased LM (league manager)'s father a message telling him that I was sorry for his loss and if he couldn't pay I understood. He offered to pay anyway, and I of course gleefully accepted it having won the league. After I accepted the winnings, another member of the league I had befriended during the season told me that his son kept the buy-ins in a safe that only he knew the combination to. However, the nature of the LM's death lead me to believe that he had spent the money on elicit activities.
The deceased LM's father had sent me the winnings out of his own money, apparently, but I had won the league, after all, and it isn't my fault that they didn't use an electronic bank account for the buy-ins, or handled the money in a more secure way. I empathize with the situation of course but I invested a lot of time and effort into the fantasy league, and the son's death doesn't have much to do with honoring a league where family members are involved. Even if the son didn't pay if he were alive, I'd expect the father to compensate me in that case as well.
Am I the asshole?
​
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
FJP6gVwZrHBZFyxiY5Kr8a1DPmH9nvfN
|
aygsgk
|
{
"description": "not going to my best girl friend's birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not going to my best girl friend's birthday party
|
Note : My english isnt't perceft.
Well, today my bgf had a birthday and she invited me. I didn't want to go because I had headache, school ended at 15:30 and the bday was at 16 + tired. I was a year ago on her bday alone as a boy. I didn't feel comfortable. I am chubby and I felt uncomfortable cuz of that too.
2nd note: i am bad at writing posts.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
mpn8VxDWTXhg9hPT6Jxq6VCYYCcYqfhg
|
asykc3
|
{
"description": "not liking a group member",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: for not liking a group member?
|
Its more of a “are we the asshole” because nobody in the group really likes him,
Now, this guy, he’s kinda like Michael from the office in the first few seasons, nobody actually likes him, but we tolerate him because we cant escape him, our group is pretty open about mot liking him, i mean like, “guy, nobody likes you please leave”, or sometimes we’ll sit at a table with five chairs, (he’s the sixth person usually) and instead of being a normal person, and pissing off, he just pulls up a chair and watches videos on his chrome book (did i mention he was an entitled rich kid?) and 99% of the time he makes no sense at all, like, ill say “dude go away we don’t really want you here you’re annoying” and he’ll respond with some nonsense like “Maybe I’m annoying but at least people don’t use me to get girls!” (Our group consists of 3 girls and 2 boys (excluding “guy”) and i doubt, no, i KNOW that there is no single girl who would gain anything from hanging out with one if my other dude friends.
So are we really the asshole(s)? And is there any way to “deal” with this guy?
note: sorry for any grammar mistakes, I’m on mobile and I’m too lazy to change each “i” to uppercase.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
3qD6SkqavVhAb7sGxYdhij5ghBKPFL4t
|
a8r694
|
{
"description": "being lazy/unmotivated",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being lazy/unmotivated?
|
Okay so here's the deal, I (21F) told my boyfriend (24) the other day that I don't think we should exchange Christmas gifts. I have nothing against Christmas. And I love my boyfriend very much and enjoy buying him things. But the thing is, it kinda snuck up on me this year(we've both been busy with work and school) and I haven't gotten anything for my bf, or anyone else for that matter. I would feel horrid if he got me something and I got him nothing but I am far too lazy to find something meaningful or that he would actually use. I know for a fact he hasn't gotten me anything yet either. So I'm not sure if I should feel bad for not wanting to do anything or not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
FbsECN9t5Q6WpGhJHMMS17HZ0lgLkApZ
|
b5v9tl
|
{
"description": "telling my alcoholic friend's parents he hasn't quit",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for telling my alcoholic friend's parents he hasn't quit?
|
Sorry for the novel. I posted this last week in another subreddit but now theres been an update and I am lost with what to do.
My friend, Michael has always has bad habbits and a need to fit in/"be cool". He's extremely image conscious, has zero self awareness, and a fragile ego. We have a similar hobby and he constantly puts other people down to give himself affirmation and constantly talks about howngreat he is. Confidence is great, but humility is needed. He is insecure and egotistical and I think his feelings are hurt that I always pursue the hobby seperatly.
A couple of years ago we started to work together and things have been getting infuriating for me. Mike is the coworker who always talks about how vital he is to the business, but doesn't do nearly as much as he says. He got involved with a married co-worker. It's been going on a while now. They are on again, off again (depending on her), and he has zero self respect or self awareness. He doesn't know what a healthy relationship is. He allows it to happen and thrives on it. I blame him for not transferring or at least having any willpower considering how long its been and how far this has went. He has gotten extremely depressed over this and I have told him ad nausea he has to stop and why. I'm sick of it, and I also worry about it becoming an HR nightmare (god forbid they get me involved).
Hes an alcoholic. I always suspected it was an issue, but that also exploded this past year. He was admitted to the hospital for pancreatitis. He was in there for a while and missed a lot of work. It was apparently due to a genetic issue, but I'm sure the alcohol doesn't help. He lives at home. At the hospital I spoke to his family. They told me they were close to kicking him out before he had health issues because of the drinking. We live in an expensive part of Cali. I cannot and will not shelter him. No idea what he would do in that case. His parents care about him, but apparently didnt know what to do and it sounds like some sort of ultimatum was given.
His health problems didnt change anything. He wanted to drink once after and I flat out told him not to in front of me. He tries to hide it, but I see. This past week he stayed over and brought a huge duffle bag. He was coughing and swearing at night and was a total mess in the morning. I shouldnt have done it but I went through his duffel bag that day and I found another vodka bottle. He drives me nuts, and Ive been limiting my one on one time with him. He doesn't really have any other close friends, and I feel guilt over that.
I just heard he spent this weekend in the hospital again because his pancreas flared up again. He didnt tell me until after the fact which I find weird. While it does seem this can just happen because of his condition, it also seems like alcohol increases the chance by a great deal.
Should I talk to him in person or just go to his parents?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
J8VX4DuwpNQlZDFsviYgXHZLhGXt23ss
|
9v4dhf
| null |
AITA My teacher gave me a lecture about being "obnoxious, disrespectful, having a superiority complex"
|
I'll be honest, I don't know if this is the right sub for this, so please direct me to the right place if need be.
So this happened today, allow me to set the scene, it'll take a while.
I'm not an incredible student in school, I get good grades and take honors/AP classes, but I don't have the honors kid mindset. I'm there to get an A and the credit, don't quite give a shit about going above and beyond. The classes I actually care about I put in genuine time and effort into, and actually learn something useful. English is not one such class, especially when it involves old literature that curriculums still administer. I'm taking AP Literature this year not because I give a damn about literature, but because I want the AP credit to pad my transcript and make college easier later on. The class, as I expected, is extremely boring and honestly hasn't taught me anything of value since starting. We've spent 3 weeks just reading through the intricacies of Hamlet, which I spent napping or playing on my phone. In the end, we didn't even do much with Hamlet, a short 30 question quiz and a couple of questions on the unit test. At this point, all the shits I've given about the class as a whole has gone down the drain, I bs all the assignments that are given and I do just fine. I have better things to spend my time on, so all things related to AP Literature are punted to the bottom of my priority list of stuff I do every day. I do my best to keep that list short, and normally English is the last thing I want to add to it.
This leads to what happened today, right before class I check the calendar outside next to the door and see that we have another quiz coming up this Friday that I have to study for. I let out an audible sigh and sound of disgust in a semi-joking fashion, I already had plenty of shit lined up from other classes I needed to do. Apparently my English teacher, we'll call her Mrs. D, heard me and got very triggered. At first, I thought she was joking when she said something to the effect of "trust me I don't want to be here either". About 5 minutes later in class, she walked out and called for me to come out as well. I don't remember the whole following conversation very well, but I remember a few select words she used. She said I was rude and had a superiority complex, claiming that I thought I was better than everyone else in the class. Adding on that I am also the most obnoxious person in the class, that I don't contribute to group/partner assignments, and I don't stay engaged with everything.
What she said does have some merit, so I'll provide two perspectives to see this situation from, mine and Mrs. D's.
Mrs. D is absolutely horrendous at teaching and her class provides no academic value to me besides the credit and grade. She doesn't actually teach anything, we just pile through book after book and story after story without learning anything useful. A majority of her assignments are almost completely redundant: a 4-page personal journal every two weeks, a random literary term quiz here and there, and multiple-choice problems that are loosely tied to what we read that she never explains. I've stopped giving a shit and normally catch up on much-needed sleep or scroll through Reddit on my phone to stave off boredom during long reading times. I do carry my weight whenever I need to, and contrary to her claim, I also contribute to group and partner activities. I do the assignments given, usually with full marks. I'm not doing badly in the class, floating at a 97 with a couple pending grades that may drop it a point or two.
From Mrs. D's perspective, I'm a lazy student who doesn't care about her class, which is wholly true. I play on my phone or fall asleep during reading times, and have no respect for the sparing assignments she does give the class. I'm not engaged with everything she discusses and I bullshit everything. I openly showed my disgust to her stuff and barely gave her my minimum level of respect.
​
I've never been so shaken in a conversation with a teacher in a long time, I'm generally on good terms with all of my other teachers, even becoming a teacher's assistant for one and a class ambassador with another. At the end of the class, I cratered and offered a sincere apology for my apparently shitty behavior. I was genuinely sorry in some aspects, but mostly I just wanted to end any potential animosity that lingers and take a morally commendable route.
So the question remains, am I the asshole? Am I actually a shitty student and her words were justified?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
lbctXQFhdy2dfJ0ZN5Qr7lmLEQcvKO0F
|
ajtg4b
|
{
"description": "defending myself after someone insinuated that I was scamming people",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for defending myself after someone insinuated that I was scamming people (or at least that's what I think happened)?
|
I am a relatively new eBay seller and I am still relatively getting the hang of how it all works. Before selling a computer that I returned to full working order, [I wanted to ask whether I should sell it as "used" or "seller refurbished"](https://i.imgur.com/7VDAUBg.png) (I didn't know which option to choose because although the laptop was fully working, it still had a few of the dents and scratches that it had on it when I first bought it when it was broken) before proceeding with the sale. I didn't go into detail with how I flipped the computer in my post, but I did go into detail in the replies of my post. After I made these replies, [I received this comment](https://i.imgur.com/4u9xhit.png). I then made [this response](https://i.imgur.com/1jm8WDg.png) counter-arguing the things that they said. Not too long after they were getting praise for what they said meanwhile I was getting brigaded by downvotes for (what it seems like to me at least) just defending myself.
With how I see it, it is just so frustrating that someone who makes blind accusations about people being depicted as the good guy meanwhile I'm the bad guy for stating that none of what they said was true. To me they are CLEARLY in the wrong so I don't know why they're getting praise for making hostile assumptions. Even if it means I am the asshole, I want a clear answer as to why so that I can get closure on this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
a35WNQIiBYVtjuWE3iZhhR1NP3q8VbXF
|
b3k2tu
|
{
"description": "requesting my brother's friend use a separate chat for Magic set up that doesnt include me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for requesting my brother's friend use a separate chat for Magic set up that doesnt include me?
|
My brother and his friends play a lot of magic which I joined in once for a draft and now my phone is constantly receiving texts that are of no relevance to me. I asked if he or someone else could set up a group text that doesn't include me since the conversation doesn't include me. They could even use still text me along with everyone else next time a draft came about. Apparently this is an unreasonable burden to put on the group and that I should simply block it, which it turns out I cant. My brother then spent twice as long as it would have taken to set up a new group text trying to block the current one on my phone to no avail. And of course I'm the bad guy for pointing this out. Is this request even unreasonable. Only one person would have to take on the "burden" of setting up a new one, not the whole group and it would also make it easier to include me on draft setups in the future since they wouldn't have to text me separately from everyone else, but he wouldn't have any of it saying I was requesting that everyone else to inconvenience themselves for me. It's not even inconvenient, I have a group text for just my parents and one for the whole family and it has never once been inconvenient.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
2lEOQlpcRZ42uDAZcZAfdQ2zc1Qcu5G1
|
aybo5q
|
{
"description": "making a shitty deal and getting pissed when the other guy didn't stick to it",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA For making a shitty deal and getting pissed when the other guy didn't stick to it?
|
My friend and I decided to do some work around the neighborhood together to make a quick buck one year when we were kids. It was my idea and I decided that we would split the money 60/40, mainly because I was a selfish jerk back then. He grumbled a bit but really didn't put up a fight, If he really wanted an even cut I probably would have given him one fair and square, honestly I was fully prepared to change the deal if he really pushed for it, but he didn't. He just sort of rolled over and agreed to the terms.
One day of hard work later, during which I managed and made sure that I would get the more difficult portions because I felt sort of guilty that I was getting more money, we tallied up our earnings.
It was at this point I realised that something was off, I was ten bucks short. I confronted him about it and he said flatly that he took it because he deserved an equal share.
Of course I got pissed, we made a deal. If he didn't like it he should have said something before agreeing to it. The whole thing was my idea, we used my equipment, and I chose to do the harder parts of the work as well so it wasn't exactly a completely unfair deal either, just a bit stingy on my part. Again, I wouldn't mind paying him an equal share if he had just asked from the start, but we agreed on the terms I set, a deal is a deal.
By the next day we made up, it wasn't really a big deal even back then, but years later I'm still kinda annoyed by the fact that I got shorted ten bucks. Am l the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
YbyAYwy9sTgAzN6lgZi7KYxbmi9SGHVx
|
b0g15i
|
{
"description": "starting a new job knowing I will quit soon to go back to my old job for more money",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for starting a new job knowing I will quit soon to go back to my old job for more money?
|
I applied for a new job we can call job B, and got an offer from them. When I went and told my current job (job A) about it, they said that they could offer me a promotion and more pay than the new job was offereing. This promotion is technically a new new job I will call job C (it's technically a different company, but it will be the same job I had before). the cavieout is that it would take more than 2 weeks for job C to become a reality. It's technically a new position, so I need to apply and interview and all that good stuff which takes time.
Since I didnt have a solid offer in front of me for job C I decided to cotinue and quit job A to go to job B.
After my first day at job B I saw the job positing for job C and I applied. I already know that if I want it I will get an offer from Job C without question, it will just take time for things to happen.
All the people at job B are really nice and cool, and I enjoy job B well enough. I feel bad for what I'm doing, but my freinds tell me that this sort of thing happens all the time and that it's just buisness.
Part of me feels like I shouldnt have even gone to job B after I learned about the potential for job C, but since I didnt have an acctual offer in front of me, I figured this is what I had to do.
AITA for accepting and working at job B knowing that I will almost certainly be quiting in a few weeks in to go to job C (which is essentially job A, but for way more money)?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
XkKl6DFYLCMRk8hxxMWBmMIBuQcAupxT
|
b5ipew
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my ex for hitting on me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For getting mad at my ex for hitting on me?
|
Ok, I could give a long drawn out explanation but I'll just simplify it. I'm not going to include ages because it involved minors (including myself)
​
Basically my ex was getting really flirty with me, and I told her that it made me uncomfortable but she didn't stop. I got a friend to tell her off and I got mad, obviously. She got mad at me because I was acting like I was taken when I only had a crush (we were basically dating lol) and I blocked her after the altercation. AITA for this, and should I feel bad?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Pgo9czpSFrE2WWs3fAMfaNfMkhgJA1BN
|
axiumj
|
{
"description": "pirating a game",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA If I pirate a game
|
So I bought Stardew Valley on steam, but I bought it on my brother's steam account. I now have his old PC and my own steam account and I would like to play it again without having to go on his computer. So WIBTA if I just pirate the game?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ni68euVI5LN3j7RjQZ6VuqP2FNA2mCcq
|
agsnu8
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to help clean my apartment because of her cat",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I ask my girlfriend to help clean my apartment because of her cat?
|
(I'm also a girl btw)
​
A few months ago, a cat showed up at my gf's parents house. She instantly bonded with this cat. Her parents tried to take this cat in, but their other cat started attacking it. My gf instantly comes to me and says, "I need you to keep this cat at your apartment for me."
​
My apartment is small, but allows pets, while hers doesn't. I knew this cat meant a lot to her, especially since she'd just lost her childhood cat to seizures the previous spring. She was also going through a lot of difficult things at the time. So I agreed to keep the cat.
​
A couple things to keep in mind:
1. I have pet allergies and asthma. When the cat came into my life, I had to start medicating.
2. I am disabled. Doing any house work for myself takes a lot of spoons.
I've come to love the cat, but because of my allergies and asthma, I have to clean *a lot*. Keeping the house from being overrun with fur and dander is critical to my health. Before I started buying expensive antihistamines and getting back on asthma meds, I had several severe asthma attacks.
​
Keeping the apartment clean has become a full time job, and I can't just slack off on it because if I do, I get sick. I'm disabled, though, and if I can only do so much in one day. For the sake of my health, I end up cleaning instead of doing other important things like grocery shopping or showering. And when the cat decides to piss on my bed, I then have to waste spoons doing all my sheets at the laundromat, which costs $10 a pop.
​
I wouldn't have to be cleaning this much if it weren't for the cat. To clarify, I don't mind asking my girlfriend to clean the litterbox or feed the cat -- she usually does actual cat-related chores just fine without being asked. But what about asking her to help me with the dusting, vaccuuming, sweeping, etc? **She's disabled too**, but she isn't affected by an unclean house like I am.
​
Some other context: A couple years ago, she let me stay at her apartment rent-free for like... 7 months. I wasn't expected to clean, though I definitely cleaned up after myself and helped out now and then (especially with dishes, which she hates). This is why I'm actually conflicted. She let me live with her and eat her food for almost a year and didn't expect anything out of me, so why should I expect her to clean MY apartment?
​
But also, I'm literally spending all my time and money cleaning up so her cat doesn't kill me!
​
So, WIBTA if I asked my girlfriend to do a share of my household chores because her cat affects my health?
​
TL;DR: I'm asthmatic, disabled, and severely allergic to the cat my girlfriend asked me to keep at my apartment. If my apartment isn't cleaned almost every day, I will get sick. Wondering if I should ask my girlfriend to start helping me clean my apartment because I'm keeping her cat.
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
f3OC9uw7ATG2FX5EivcXQSOVgX7UUqL7
|
aho40t
|
{
"description": "asking a dude I friendzoned for drugs",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I asked a dude I friendzoned for drugs?
|
This guy asked me out, but I am not gay so I said no (my friend, who thought I was gay, introduced him to me under the pretense that I was gay). I don't hate him and he doesn't hate me, we just have kind of never talked after that. He will sometimes talk to me, and we have talked about how much we enjoy psychedelics. Would it be wrong of me to ask him if he could hook me up with some LSD? He definitely still has that kind of "what if /u/PenguinBond did turn out gay" vibe and has told me he loves me multiple times.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
DRLle6m63D3VvEp4NFx7KElqUClEMc8X
|
azdide
|
{
"description": "ignoring my friend who has been ignoring me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For ignoring my friend who has been ignoring me?
|
Little backstory.
I’ve known my friend since we were kids, we were never very close until the last two years. I don’t mean to sound like a true asshole but I’d do anything for her or any of my friends. But sometimes she ignores me when she’s made plans with me.
Like this weekend. I went to see Captain Marvel ( which was amazing ) and we were going to hang out after. I called her three times when the movie ended and even went to her house. She wasn’t there and her mother didn’t even know where she was.
I went home then and stayed awake til 3 thinking maybe she’d still come over but that was Friday night and it’s now Sunday morning. I haven’t heard from her. Even my boyfriend texted her asking if she was ok. She sent me a snapchat yesterday of just a glass, I assumed she was in the pub. Then I wake up today and she has a story up on Snapchat of her out drinking with other people.
I’m very upset because this happens most of the time and my boyfriend is always there for me but constantly tells me that I got to keep contact with friends if I want to keep them.
I don’t like being on my phone too much so I rarely text or call people, I’d rather see them in person, but to hang out with someone you got to organise it via text or call sometimes.
I just don’t want to talk to her or anything, it hurts that I’ve been tossed away and she hasn’t replied to me. So I’m just going to ignore her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
M9KeZkROrohhaUiFCVE6TGGwD3QgwR2M
|
a8pygu
|
{
"description": "hating my Xmas gift",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for hating my Xmas gift?
|
I’m not here looking for relationship advice.
Last week my boyfriend got very drunk at my office Christmas party and called me some nasty names and accused me of cheating on him in front of my coworkers. He claims he was blackout drunk, remembers nothing and has since profousely apologized. I stayed at a friend’s house the next night and he sent me a screenshot of a ring he supposedly “bought” as a promise that he’d never act that way again.
I came home the next night and he greeted me with a jewelry box, inside of which was a completely different ring. He says he “bought” the first ring but when he went to pick it up at Macy’s they had sold out (?). So he got this completely different one instead.
At no point did I say I want a ring. Our relationship has been rocky at best lately. I definitely didn’t want a ring that he bought on a whim.
Today we were supposed to go Christmas/anniversary shopping for each other (our anniversary is Christmas Eve). I bought him a VR set, a high visibility jacket (he does construction work), an Amazon echo and a 4 set Tile device because he always loses his keys/wallet.
When i got home, there were two identical jewelry boxes under the tree for me. One was the ring he already “gave” me and another was a chain so I could wear the around my neck. Those are my gifts. I told him specifically not to get me jewelry as a gift in casual conversation a while back. Two months ago I splurged on myself after a particularly hard time at work. I bought myself a necklace and two pairs of earrings that were not cheap and I try to wear almost every day so justify the price.
Am I the asshole for being unhappy? I have no idea how much money he spent and I don’t care. I just feel like he really didn’t put any thought into what he got me...ESPECIALLY in light with the hurtful thing he did to me just last week. I was...expecting something different. Last year he got me bath bombs and a mug and I bought him a guitar and watch. He had been out of work for a few months leading up to the holidays so I wasn’t expecting much then...but this year he has been. I just thought he’d do something more to make me feel special. I don’t have a good relationship with my family so this has always been a hard time of year for me. I can think of so many functional things I need right now and a lot more that I’d want. And I’m not talking expensive. I need a new phone case. Id like an insulated water bottle. Etc...The only thing he asked me was my shoe size (and then didn’t get me shoes....). It just feels very impersonal. He thinks I’m being incredibly selfish. I just wanted to feel important and I don’t know if I’m awful and he’s right :(
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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WRONG
|
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|
b9ff2t
|
{
"description": "making a joke",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making a joke?
|
Throwaway because people could easily find out who I am through my regular account.
I've been dating this girl for about 4 months now, and things have been going great. We have had occasional arguments, but we've been able to always work things out. Some important background, we always tease each other when we're together (nothing to personal, but just lighthearted fun, just enough to make each other laugh). She works, but comes from a financially unstable background and lives in a rough part of town. Also, I'm 25 and she's 19.
Anyway, I've been living in the country where my girl is from, and I had to go back to my home country for about 1-1.5 months to take care of work related issues and family matters. She was aware of this and was completely ok with it. While here she texts me if I can buy an iPhone X for her since it's cheaper here. This is where the problem starts. I've had a history of "friends" always trying to take advantage of me since my family and I are somewhat wealthy (not fuck you money, but live comfortably money). She was the one who told me to not let people do that to me. So naturally, I asked her how is she going to pay for it. She jokingly asked if she had to take a picture of the cash and send it to me. So I texted back "I mean, I'm not Santa Clause where I can just give away free stuff lol". She blows up. Says she can't believe I said that. She's not like my "friends" that take advantage of me. It's obvious she was gonna pay for the phone once I get back. She can't believe thats the idea that I had of her, a girl who was just using me for money. Then she goes on to say that throughout the time we've been together I've only tried humiliating and embarrassing her (this is where the lighthearted teasing comes into play). I would always make snarky comments about her work and where she lived. That she was neglecting herself and giving me, someone who didn't truly care for her, priority. This convo lasted a few hours and by the end she said she deleted my number, all of our pictures and memories, she regrets being with me, and doesn't want anything to do with me.
This all caught me by surprise. I obviously apologized and told her it was just a dumb joke, the type that we aways made, but apparently the damage was done.
During our time together, I've never felt these were issues, nor did she ever bring them up. The money thing came up once. She felt we came from two totally different worlds and it was eventually gonna be an issue. But we talked about it and worked through it. I know I've made snarky remarks about where she lives in the beginning, but I caught myself and stopped saying them. I told her to let things cool down and we'll touch bases a few days later ( this happened 2 days ago), but I'm so lost.
Sorry for the rant.
But....am I the asshole here, or are you guys just as lost as I am?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b9wqh2
|
{
"description": "reporting restaurant staff for refusing to serve me 5 minutes before their last order",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I report restaurant staff for refusing to serve me 5 minutes before their last order?
|
Basically the title. The restaurant is in a hotel and they’re supposed to close at 1:00AM, last order is at 12:00AM. I get there at 11:55PM and am told that they are closed. I assume I get the hours mixed up. I get back to my room, and turns out They do close at 1. Would it be wrong if I complained?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
xIzm5CzdZsTwU9fXTABdvv0XBlfBVJ6E
|
aoqcy5
|
{
"description": "telling my cousin's wife :\"oh boy, luckily Im not married to you\" in jest",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my cousin's wife :"oh boy, luckily im not married to you" in jest?
|
Last week I was hanging out with my cousin and his wife and she was talking about measures to help her husband not be addicted to games like moving those games to a secret folder in his phone and other things. These actions do not screw with game progress but only gives the user a mild inconvenience. I also understand that she is doing this to help my cousin. After this, I joked about not being married to her and she seemed kinda embarrassed or angry.
So, Reddit, AITA for joking about not being married to her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MHPRdHGFNw1Q4iJh8V5yMpTOYSY7FHOx
|
ahf3tm
|
{
"description": "ghosting a friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ghosting a friend?
|
This happened awhile ago, been brewing over it since then. Over a year ago, one if my best friends, let's say A, worked with my boyfriend at the same place together. My boyfriend and I decided we we're going to move in together after a admitted small time. About 9 months into dating. The reasoning being he was going to be stuck in a bad housing situation (slum Lord time). My friend proceeded to tell my boyfriend that he had talked to own mother, and that A's mother disagreed with us moving in together. Then told my boyfriend I was Manipulating him into moving out with me. So I ghosted A when my boyfriend told me, I don't need someone talking behind my back. It really upset A, and he messaged me asking why I was ignoring him, and he didn't want to be ghosted like yesterday's trash. I told him I knew he was talking bad about me to my boyfriend. Then A never replied. And told everyone at work that it's my boyfriends fault we weren't friends anymore. This made me even more angry. As my boyfriend is very sweet and it hurt him. Was I over reacting back then? I miss how it used to be with A. I'm still with the boyfriend. We still live together quite happily. But maybe if I had reacted like an adult we'd still be friends. maybe A just didn't understand my boyfriends living situation well enough and I should have explained? Maybe I don't need to explain to a third party what I choose to do in my relationship.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bGOWchr3ripCWSvevm3KZ1xnGjEKa4W7
|
9v7ozb
|
{
"description": "being short with my mom",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being short with my mom?
|
Every morning, for my whole life, my mom bothers me with some mundane conversation that eventually turns negative. She can never say good morning and just be pleasant to me. It always ends with some passive aggressive comment or ranting about some problem she has that I didn't ask about.
This morning, I wake up and sit down in the living room with my cup of coffee. All I want is to wake up in peace. But first, she asks me if I want to see this painting on her phone. I said no mom. Then she scoffs and starts telling me what she hates about making software updates on her iphone, and how she doesn't want to read 16 pages of facebook's terms and conditions. I am not making this up.
I said "Why are you telling me?" Then i went to go get my headphones and play music. While I'm playing my music, she snaps at me saying I'm rude and snippy and wants me to move out. I said "I'm on my way out, don't worry".
3 hours later, she emailed me at work to tell me how annoyed she was at my response and how I should have apologized instead. Didn't respond.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Vagabj82MgvtGhz3HxMv7zhUSLb8eYui
|
ahijyq
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my so for drinking",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my SO for drinking?
|
I went dry for a specific period and SO volunteered to do it with me, unsolicited. I never asked for that. Tonight, they had a couple beers while we were out with friends and claimed they forgot. It upset me, and now they are angry with me because it did. Am I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Fm8saqGHJKQf7WQl6nVh1YGYf5BaMHSt
|
arf9jy
| null |
AITA: DINNER FOR ONE
|
I got off work and called my wife and asked did she want Chinese food. She said no. I came home started grubbing and she kept trying to eat off my plate so I ate my food in my car. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
6frAY4z11tYCHkT10YbE4O1OlbTKO8fG
|
aiarhn
|
{
"description": "pressuring friends to come to our friends funeral",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For pressuring friends to come to our friends funeral
|
Using a throwaway account because some friends know my personal account.
​
Last week one of my friends past away very suddenly. to be honest i'm not sure I have processed it properly and i think i am still in shock. I assumed that all of his other friends would be attending the funeral however because i was close with him the family told me to let everyone know the location and time.
​
Once i told everyone it became apparent that a lot of my/his friends were not going to be attending the funeral. I was shocked by this and when i asked why they didn't seem to have any specific reason not to come. Me and my friend (lets call him Jack Black) both started to press the issue and in hindsight probably began to guilt trip people into re-thinking.
​
I know everybody experiences grief differently and you should respect that but i feel like if it was any one of them then Frank would have gone to show his support.
​
AITA for thinking my friends should all be there?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
JEkhTPlHJKYO44KaMhM07wBQx1XYDI6K
|
ao0edz
|
{
"description": "not wanting to swim",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to swim?
|
Sorry for formatting, on mobile
So, I have the day off of school tomorrow, and my Mom wants me to go and hand out resumes (I’m 16 btw) and wanting me to get a job is fair enough (I’ve been trying to get one for a little while now). But then She also has an interview, so she wants me to go to school to watch my two sisters outside in -25°C before windchill until she can come to pick up, which I will do no problems. But then she wants me to go swimming with them and some family friends, essentially meaning that she wants me to watch her kids while she gets to sit in a hot tub and gab it up with her friends. Until four. She told me that she doesn’t want to have to drive me home first, but I’m more than happy to bus, which is how I’m going to hand out resumes and get to the school and is still mad that I don’t want to go. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
0SonTmI8Z8DRCWuwtdodXpNXL5hr9Ht1
|
axgul1
|
{
"description": "ignoring my friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for Ignoring my Friends
|
Ok so, like most AITAs the title makes it seem likr an instant asshole, but a quick backstory.
I have well, done dumbass things and one of them was talking shit behind my friends back. I know exactly how it was wromg, why i did it, and was ready to admit and apologize to my friends. Well, that blew up in my face...They instead used what I showed/told them against me and spread the word around the school, along with exiling me. Tried to convice me everybody hates me, that my other friends are dumbasses etc etc.
Now time to time I tried to talk to them again and everytime i had regretted it, they wanted me to do things like leave friends ive known since kindergarten, raid friends servers, show my DM's. Overall situations that I just wanted to leave ASAP. Now...for the main problem
I have started to just simply ignore them, its all childish, right? Every night pretty much they will spam the discord with my @, call my phone, call my discord, skype, teamspeak, etc.
Yesterday was the worst, 5 missed calls on SMS. 6 on discord, and 9 spread our across platform's. They claim they want to talk but it always turns out the same way and creates drama the next day.
Am I being a bitch boy?
How should I confront them?
Is this...just retarded..?
-------------
Thanks for any responses ^^
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
PWsmsUbrVtnLfiY1hIdktCrsu8gbbG6I
|
aoyaq1
|
{
"description": "being angry at my ex's insecure new boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being angry at my ex's insecure new boyfriend?
|
My ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago and the decision was mutual. We were dating nearly 7 years and I became quite close with my ex's family. There were also numerous important things that happened in my life during that time. After the breakup, I started dating someone who was a better fit for me and going on one year together. As my ex was dating new people, I supported him through the breakups. My ex started dating a new boyfriend and we all became friends, sometimes even going on double dates. (We're all gay guys, so I'm trying to not let the he/his pronouns get confusing).
A month ago, both of them came over for dinner and drinks. During a conversation about my ex's family, I found out that my ex's new boyfriend doesn't like it when I sometimes talk about past shared experiences with my ex or how I know and care about my ex's family. The new boyfriend has said that he has "baggage" (abusive parents, an ex that cheated on him) and that it's difficult for them to begin their new relationship when I bring up the past. I felt very hurt by this because despite not wanting to date my ex, we still had some very important things happen to us together that I think we can reflect on in the context of friendship. I can't think of anything I've brought up that was sexual or romantic in nature; most have entailed experiences with friends, trips we took, and what I know about the ex's family. To me, it seems disrespectful of my life history to have to walk on eggshells and pretend like none of that happened for somebody else's insecurity.
I told the new boyfriend that I don't want to date my ex and that I'd like us to be able to be our okay with accepting our pasts and the new futures we have. Furthermore, I told the new boyfriend that I wanted them to be together and I really care about them. He stood his ground, and eventually said that he was making me responsible for his insecurities and that I'm not responsible for his emotions and don't wish to distort reality to please him. When I said that, the new boyfriend became angry, said he was "triggered" by what I said and they both abruptly left my apartment.
I wish I could remember exact words better--especially those of the ex's new boyfriend, but it was rather emotionally charged and I was on about 4 hours of sleep from working late the previous night. I stayed relatively calm during the whole conversation, but on the inside I felt really hurt and appalled. I texted them an apology after they left and said I was prioritizing my needs over theirs and that I would work on not bringing up the past. I got a reply from both of them the next morning. The new boyfriend was somewhat cordial and empathetic, saying he went through similar problems being friends with an ex, and suggested that bringing up the past with my ex might be a problem with my new partner (it isn't-we've talked about my ex actually quite extensively) and that I should work on it with a therapist because he thinks I'm hung up on the past with my ex. My ex, who had been near silent about this until now, also sent me a text message saying that it was inappropriate to talk about these past events but appreciated that I would work on myself.
Two other secondary details seem relevant to me:
-A few months back, he also got in a large argument with another person my ex used to date, the person accused the new boyfriend of being insecure and controlling, and now they don't talk anymore.
-When they started dating, my ex and his new boyfriend seemed to jump into things very quickly, and I noticed that sometimes my ex would call the new boyfriend by my name on accident. The new boyfriend bought the ex a ring (not engagement) a few months into the relationship. They haven't dated even a year and are already planning moving to another state and having children. Sometimes I wonder if my ex hasn't really gotten over me entirely and displaced a lot of the emotions and expectations on the new boyfriend. Maybe there are things happening behind the scenes I didn't know about. There have been a few times where he became upset at my ex at get-togethers and they have asked us to leave so they can work things out.
As time went on, I felt my apology wasn't really necessary. I can't imagine being good friends with people who ask me to not talk about 7 years of my life. I haven't spoken to them in a month. Both of them also hosted a party recently, and I wasn't invited. It was rather painful to see pictures of them on social media with some of my close friends knowing I was excluded. I've considered reaching out, but I'm questioning whether I want to be friends anymore and I don't think like the ball is really in my court.
So, was ITA?
----
TL;DR:
I'm platonic friends with my ex after our mutual breakup. My ex's new boyfriend is insecure about my past history and doesn't like me talking about it. I think this is ridiculous and insecure and am questioning whether I should friends with them anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
y2TlFhAlVhSnt7dg3sqNEc9pJ6ilmriq
|
ah36iu
|
{
"description": "not going to my parents house",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not going to my parents house?
|
So yesterday my dad texted me out of the blue asking when I was going to come over with my kids, and I told him I would soon. And he texts me back and says “see you tomorrow”, so I texted him back and I was like “tomorrow?” And he’s like yes at 4. So I didn’t text him back because I was flustered and confused. So today my mom texts me and asks me if I want to reschedule because of the predicted snow, and that she also asked my sister, (didn’t know my sister was even coming) and so I called her and she said she was going anyways. My daughter does get off the bus until after 4 anyways, so my mom texts me at 430 asking when I’m coming over and I told her I wasn’t coming and my daughter wasn’t even home from school yet. And then she texts me to come after, well my boyfriend has my car right now, so I tell her I can’t. And then she texts me that I’m making her sad because she was looking forward to this all day. I don’t feel like I even committed to coming over, but yet I feel like an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
mw4bszmz8UHc8jTCIaRffVTA01Rz11kQ
|
antn06
|
{
"description": "buying a pc for school",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA buying a pc for school
|
So i bought a surface go for school work as the next two years i will be doing a lot of essays presentations ect. My parents are very skeptical as i do spend a lot of time on my main PC but due to ADHD and general laziness its quite hard to work on my main pc due to having no supervision and loads of games. My parents said yes as long as there are no games on it. I said yea sure. i said i would pay half of the 700 euro (peripherals included). So i got it today and spent the afternoon downloading all the stuff i need and after that i sat on the couch and watched some YouTube. My mom comes in. Mom: "what are you doing" me: "relaxing watch YouTube" Mom: "That´s for school you are not allowed to do that on there" Me "i paid 350 euro for this and i just wanted to relax for a while" Mom: "i paid a lot of money too and i though it was ONLY of school" Me "well i just wanted to be with the family and relax" Mom: " NO it is only for school get off RIGHT NOW" Me "well im not gonna spend all my money just for school, im just gonna send it back then" Mom: "Fine do it then". i was quite pissed as all i wanted to do is to relax for a while. I spent 350 euro for this, why tf do i ONLY need to do school work on it. All i wanted to do is just relax for a while, I bought it for school but i really dont know why i need to sit alone in my room just to watch youtube. I know this is short but im still pissed off it sucks. AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
W7Unw8sTeskFjrvSIXQduwOArmqHVG77
|
awbiq9
|
{
"description": "not wanting someone in my D&D group to dm my campaign",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting someone in my D&D group to DM my campaign?
|
So, in one of my Dungeons and Dragons groups, I've been DMing a long-standing campaign. About 10 sessions ish, each being 4 hours. So, one of my players, call him M, really wants to DM and he's agreed to have his campaign after mine. So, where the issue comes into play is that sometimes, I just cannot make it to sessions. And in this scenario, I let M DM with his own character being an NPC while he DMs. This has happened twice before and each time, when I send him the plans, it goes a different way than I expected, with different things than I planned and misinterpreting of the instructions. An example of this was when we were in the Fey Wild, searching for a player's ancestors. One of our players was a Dragonborn, and I had stated that the people there had an aversion towards dragons due to a past incident. So, while the other members of the party(1 Elf, 2 Half Elves, and 1 Aarakocra(M's character)) went to search, the dragonborn member was in a cave. So, I had asked M to have the Dragonborn roll for stealth, because the Dragonborn wanted to explore the mines. If he rolled low, the elves would find him and chase him through the mines, which served as a dungeon, with some NPC's scattered around the mine. However, instead of this, he included no indication of the elves being angry at all, and instead, had the elves congratulate him when he was done with the dungeon. This just made no sense at all to me, and the next session is a major plot point, and I can't make it. In this case, I try to reschedule, but M hosts the sessions and doesn't want to reschedule unless too many people can't make it. And if that happens, I really don't want him to DM because I really want this plotpoint to go right. I tried telling him that, and he looked kinda bummed. Idk, Reddit. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
j1ZaxiXTASBdaB3X2o4lHJZqpMrmrnN8
|
a8ta9d
|
{
"description": "giving my mom the silent treatment",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for giving my mom the silent treatment?
|
I’m a grad student who’s home for the holidays. My mom is one of those narcissists who believe they are perfect, nothing is ever their fault, etc. She is also incredibly judgmental.
Yesterday I had a committed schedule planned. First, brunch with my boyfriend on his lunch break. Then, spend rest of day with boyfriend. Then, go to party. Then, go to dance social. My mom suggested I ask him to the party, which he declined. I knew he was gonna decline. He didn’t want to go to a late night party with over sixty people. She said he was being annoying and that she’d be mad at him. Then she said I shouldn’t go to his house and called me silly for it. I explain to her that I’m capable of making my own decisions and reminded her that I don’t live in her house anyone. We then got into a heated argument. Things escalated quickly. As they always do with her. She ends up calling me the most ungrateful person ever, as usual. So I just drove off to my boyfriend’s house.
I call my dad and ask him to remove my name from everything and to not support me in any way anymore because my mom clearly stated that I am an ungrateful burden, and she constantly looks for some form of control over me. I want to be independent. I am financially able. My boyfriend makes big moneys so his support is all I will ever need. Later my mom texts me looking to reconcile, but this is a cycle with her. Nothing changes after. So I ignore her texts.
After the social, I spent the night at my boyfriend’s house. She needs to realize one way or another that I’m a guest in her house and that if she expects me to visit her again then she needs to treat me in such a way that will make me want to come back to her. Actions have consequences. And her attempts to reconcile are meaningless because the same thing is just gonna happen over and over again. I want nothing to do with her. AITA for the way I handled this? Could I have handled it better?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "throwing my housemates clothes on the floor after they had been sitting in the washing machine for a few days",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For throwing my housemates clothes on the floor after they had been sitting in the washing machine for a few days
|
I live with 3 other people and we all share a washing machine. One housemate always puts on a load and leaves it sitting for a few days so usually i take it out and put it in a basket and leave it in the laundry. This is starting to get really annoying. It is only a little thing but it is just so lazy and it's annoying having to removed their mouldy/damp smelling washing every time i want use the machine...my other housemates agree. Sometimes the clothes are just sitting in the laundry in the basket for two weeks and it just piles up. We have discussed this but they seem very dismissive of the whole thing, say they will be more conscious but never are.
Anyway, I again go to find washing in the machine. I have had enough and I can't be be bothered nor do i have time to find a basket for them. So I just chuck it on the floor and put my washing on...cue a huge rant on our household group chat about how rude I am and how disrespectful it is to chuck someones clothes on the floor...I'm just sick of it. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
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{
"description": "kicking a car that almost hit me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Kicking a Car That Almost Hit Me?
|
I was riding my bike yesterday through the city around rush hour, it was raining. I generally stay pretty safe, use crosswalks at big intersections- I'm not the bike person you see swerving in and out of traffic and running lights and stop signs.
I was waiting at a crosswalk on my bike for the light to turn. A car stopped at the crosswalk (she didn't need to, her light was green but people do that sometimes). There was only one car in sight and it was directly behind her. I started going through the crosswalk after she was stopped for a few seconds, but as I did, the car behind her swerved around her into the center lane and nearly hit me.
So naturally, I was pretty shook. I yelled at the car, maybe (probably) called him an asshole (sidenote: will he show up in this sub too?) and kicked his license plate. I almost definitely looked like I was trying to start a fight. He started getting out of his car, more traffic started coming and I was still in the crosswalk, so I rode off.
On one hand, fuck that guy for being so unsafe in the dark and in the rain. The car in front of him obviously stopped at the crosswalk for a reason. On the other hand, he probably wasn't trying to hit me or be aggressive and I feel like I acted like the stereotypical aggro-cyclist that I can't stand.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "being angry at my gf for lying about small things",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being angry at my gf for lying about small things?
|
Hello everybody,
little back ground, my dad is abusive piece of shit and notoric lier, fortunately my mom left him when I was 12 (22 now) but it made me automatically suppose people are lying all the time. Anyway I've got many close friends who I believe because they proved to me I can.
Problem is my girlfriend finds it easier sometimes to lie to me than tell the truth, mostly stuff which would make me sad/angry and she don't want t deal with it because don't see it as issue by her self. Usually it's really little stuff about housework, taking care of our dog or preparing to school and I really don't like it but didn't care enough to make issue out of it.
Breaking point was when I found out she failed one of her university courses and didn't tell me, she fixed grade later so I wouldn't know if her friend didn't tell me. It's quite issue because she's got problem with studying hard enough and not being lazy so her failing again would be disappointment for me and she knew it.
I am really angry and disappointed right now, thinking about whole 6 years of our relationship and in what other issues in future she could lie to me if it was just easier. So reddit AITA?
/tldr don't like lies and longterm gf lied to me about failing university class with many previous uni related issues
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "being angry at my friend because she doesn't appreciate the gift I got for her",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being angry at my friend because she doesn’t appreciate the gift I got for her?
|
So this is part two of this amazing AITA adventure.
So to summarize the first experience: I get frustrated at my friend because she keeps shooting down the gift ideas I want to give her, she says some things to me and then shuts down my emotional state and doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I included the first part in the link below if you want to catch up on it.
[AITA: Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aqy6xf/aita_for_asking_my_friend_what_she_wants_for_her/?st=JS8BB5RY&sh=5ca55dda)
So today is my friend’s birthday. After searching my brain for something to give her, I settle on two gift cards, one for the ITunes Store and a Steam gift card - around forty-five dollars for both of them. So I send her pictures of the front and back since I’m not going to mail them to her, and say happy birthday. She texts me back asking me what they’re for, and I tell her they’re for her birthday. I ask if she likes them, and she doesn’t reply to me. Instead she says “Thanks.” And nothing more. A little weird, mainly because I know her and she never replies with a one word text and most definitely not with a period unless she’s upset. I know it sounds weird but we all have these weird texting quirks.
Now I can tell that something is obviously up because of her texting style, and I ask her why she’s being weird. She says “Thanks” again.
Another flag up. I ask her if she was expecting something else and tells me “I already said thank you.” By this time I’m getting a little angry because it doesn’t feel sincere, and I understand that not everything should have to “feel” sincere, but something was bugging her, and I didn’t like the feeling. In a sense, I already know she doesn’t like the gift cards, but just to be sure, I press and ask once again if she “actually” likes them. She says “Well I’m grateful for them... I guess. But I honestly could have gotten something else.”
I haven’t responded to her in a while and I don’t think I should. I’m angry at her because not only did she not appreciate the gift, but she wanted something else entirely. Not only that, but on her “list” of things she wanted, gift cards was one of the things she actually wanted.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not giving up my spot on an arcade game",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not giving up my spot on an arcade game?
|
I was at a busy busy arcade bar. The was a wait on each of the 15 pinball machines.
I had a bunch of tolkens left, so I posted up on a game i like.
After a while, someone tapped me on the shoulder saying the were people waiting.
I know people are waiting, i waited too. I told her our credits cost the same so I had every right to play as much as i wanted. Told her to wait for one of the other 15 machines because i wasn't done playing that one.
AITA for not giving up my machine?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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afas6v
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{
"description": "feeling violated because my mother went through my room",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for feeling violated because my mother went through my room?
|
A bit of background, I am 18 and my mother has been a bit overbearing my whole life, and recently I have started vaping. I knew my mother wouldn't like it so I hid the juice, pods, etc, in a dresser drawer. I had noticed that the drawer had been left open a few times but I had just assumed I forgot to close it. Then my mother confronts me about it and I mention that it felt like a breach of privacy. In classic parent style she says "You live in my house, you have no privacy." I guess the question here is, am I wrong for being mad about this? After all I am 18, I feel entitled to a modicum privacy.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "cutting off a friend when he seems genuinely sorry",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting off a friend when he seems genuinely sorry?
|
One of my friends has recently been doing a lot of things that I have been very clearly telling him to stop but he kept on going, I decided enough was enough and cut contact with him and it feels like he's genuinely sorry but I don't want to have to deal with all his shit in the future. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "wanting more of my friend's time",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting more of my friend’s time?
|
Hoping for some feedback on this. Sorry if it gets a bit rambling or long.
Basically, I have a very close friend who I’ve known for 12 years, let’s call her Pam. Pam and I, up until a couple of months ago, would talk over Discord/Facebook for hours on end, maybe about 4/5 days a week. We would share videos, play games together, and generally just hang out. We live about 3 hours away from each other so we don’t get to see each other in person all that often.
A couple of months ago, Pam finally got herself a smartphone and subsequently downloaded Pokémon Go, and she’s in love with the game. Since she’s had the new phone, we’ve been having fewer and fewer sessions where we talk and play games together. It’s still great when we do get to talk, it’s just a lot less frequent. Often when we text, Pam will say “let’s talk tomorrow and play a game”, then tomorrow comes and it comes to the point where she’s finishing work, I message her because I know she’ll be free to talk, and I get left on read for 2 or 3 hours. Then when she finally replies, she tells me she’s been out playing Pokémon Go and that she’s too tired to talk. I’m trying really hard not to feel upset because I feel like she’d rather play the game than talk to me and it’s a real change from what things were like. I don’t want to tell her what to do nor do I want to force her to talk to me if she’d rather be doing something else. I just feel it’s a little rude to tell me that we’ll talk and then I get ignored because she’s found something better to do. I’m also disabled (autism and physical disabilities) and not able to work right now so talking to her and playing a game or two is a real highlight of my day because I really don’t have a lot to do and we always have so much fun.
I know it isn’t her responsibility to keep me occupied and I don’t expect her to be at my beck and call 24/7, I just want things to go back to how they were or at least for her to give me a clearer idea of when we’ll get to hang out because I hate waiting around only to be disappointed. It’s so silly because of course it’s great that Pam’s getting out more and is feeling fitter, some of my feelings may be based in jealousy because I wish I could go and walk for hours on end, but I feel like I’m being left behind and it’s difficult with us being geographically so far apart. We see each other once a year, on average.
Apart from this, we’re super close and want to move in together in the not too distant future, I just don’t know what to do, or if I should do anything at all? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "honking at the lady in front of me in the drive through",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for honking at the lady in front of me in the drive through?
|
This one is pretty light, but I'm curious what everyone thinks none-the-less.
On my lunch break today, I'm waiting in line in the drive through of a local fast food joint. The line was extending out of their corridor and into the parking lot, curving one way. I lined up at the end of the curve, and shortly after some woman in an SUV enters the parking lot from the opposite side to queue up in the drive through. Because of this, she had to park and wait off to the side for her spot in line to reach her. This is common here and people take note and proceed in the order everyone arrived, so no issue.
When the line moved forward, the car in line directly in front of me remained stopped to let the new lady in the SUV go in front of everyone else. Irritated that she made the decision for everyone behind her in line to let this other lady cut, I honked at her. She seemed sheepish and avoided eye contact after that.
I get that she was just trying to be nice and had no ill intent, but I guess I felt the need to let her know "Hey wtf, you've got other people back here too you know".
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "getting mad at my friend for being a hypocrite over Sexual Assualt",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For getting mad at my friend for being a hypocrite over Sexual Assualt
|
So I have a friend, we'll call her F. I had just got to know her this year. So it was on Halloween, and she was in the woods with another friend, we'll call him C. So they were in the woods searching for something, as she had lost it. So as she was searching, C kisses her out of the blue, and she freaks out, and runs away crying. She had already had a rough night, and that was the last straw for her. So she reported this to the school we were going to, and the parents and such, and C was taken out of our school. I was there to support her and help her through it, and felt really bad for her.
So its been 5 months later and we were all talking, and she started telling us a story and laughing about it, the story being about how some guy cummed in her bra, and chased her around naked, and she laughed it off like a joke. I got pissed at her, as she had acted sad, and devastated/scared when C had kissed her, and got him taken out of school, but was just laughing this off? I later blew up at her in a group chat calling her out in front of everyone in the chat. They backed me up, but i have some regrets about that, was I right to be mad? AITA for it? Curious to hear your thoughts.
TL;DR Friend got someone kicked out of school for sexual assault, and then was laughing and joking about another one
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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|
a435rc
|
{
"description": "down voting jokes about 9/11",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for down voting jokes about 9/11?
|
I was just browsing r/FortniteBR and r/memes and i keep finding memes about the events that happened on 9/11, so on two posts I decided to react, asking for them to be taken down. On one of these replies I got down voted to shit and I am now even more disturbed. Do people really find these funny and am I an asshole for hating them?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
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|
aps0ic
|
{
"description": "wanting to unfriend my ex-boyfriends current girlfriend on Facebook",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to unfriend my ex-boyfriends current girlfriend on Facebook?
|
Okay so I dated my ex for 5 years and we broke up amicably when I needed to move to another state about 2 and a half years ago. It was a really good breakup as far as break ups go and I’m still on good terms with and speak to his family, and him and I have remained good friends and chat on the phone and on messenger pretty regularly.
About a year ago he started dating someone new and she sounds great and that they have an awesome relationship and I’d love to meet her one day when u go up to visit him/his family and see my old friends this year at some point. She knows that we’re friends and according to him is absolutely cool with it so I don’t think there’s a problem there.
A few days ago she sent me a friend request on Facebook to which I messaged the ex about and said “hey do you know why she would be adding me?”. He said she took some cute photos of his and my dog (that lives with him) and wanted to send me the photos; and that he told her it would be okay to add me. I thought it was cute and was distracted at the time and accepted the request and quickly forgot about it.
Days go by and I remember that she added me, but that she hasn’t sent me any photos or said anything at all. That’s not in itself a problem but once I started really thinking about it I realised I regret accepting her request as it’s unnecessary. I only have my close friends and family on there and I’ve never met this girl. I like my privacy. I don’t think she has bad intentions but I feel like a boundary has been crossed.
I brought it up with my ex and messaged him stating how I feel and that I wasn’t sure what to do and he said “you’re friends with me, and I’m dating her so by proxy you’re friends with her”. I said that I’m allowed to be friends with someone and not by proxy be their partners friend automatically although I would love to meet her someday and if we became friends organically then that’s cool.
So now I feel like if I delete her it would be sending a message that I don’t really intend, but if I keep her then I’m allowing something I feel uncomfortable with.
Lmk if you need more information.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
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{
"description": "talking shit on a guy who wasted a good 3 months of my life",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for talking shit on a guy who wasted a good 3 months of my life ?
|
hey so i have a story lads and lasses. so there was this guy let’s call him b. b was a senior and i was a freshman and he added me on snapchat. at first i thought he was just some senior trying to get a streak with me then he started talking to me. he asked about a friend of mine and about a family . a week later we talked all night and it ended with him calling me hot and saying i was really cool . we talked constantly for a few days and some how he had brought up him sneaking out to smoke weed . i wanting this senior to stay interested in me , said that i was jealous he was going out to smoke. then he told me he’d take me and i had to find a way to wiggle out of it . he ended up not smoking that night at all and we kept talking . he said he wanted to do it that friday and when i said i’d go if i could bring a friend , he told me no way. so i had to get out of it yet again . when i told him i wasn’t gonna go cause i couldn’t bring a friend , he told me i could, but that we were gonna go back to his car and that my friend wasn’t allowed to go. hella sus right ? so i backed out and he got mad . he would get high and drunk all the time and text me telling me i was beautiful and that he loved me , then he would go and ask my best friend for nudes . he went as far as to post a ss of OUR PRIVATE DMS as the cover for one of his soundcloud albums. ok before your like, “what’s this dumb hoe doing why didn’t she just stop talking to him” i was NOT popular at my old school, and boys certainly did not like me so when a boy, a SENIOR boy, started showing me attention i just felt special . so here’s the thick of the story . b got high, and showed up at my house at 3am. when i texted him and asked him what was going on he said that he wanted me to come out and chill in his car . the second i stepped in though, HE STARTED DRIVING. when i asked him where we were going he said to a beach near my house. he didn’t try anything though and actually just ended up falling asleep holding my hand. i ended up waking him up and telling him to take me home, which he did. at this point me and him had been “talking” for 3 months and i was kind of in love with him and was convinced he loved me too. until he stopped talking to me completely after sneaking out. when i asked what i did wrong he said nothing it’s just he didn’t want to catch feelings. i was devastated but never talked ANY shit on him. until i realized what a shitty person he was. i go to a really small school where if you do anything, everyone knows so of course people found out about me and him, and i was scared of getting labeled the freshman slut. a bunch of random people that i never usually talked to would come up and ask about him but i always kept it on the DL never told anyone any of the wacky shit he pulled . until yesterday. this sophomore guy said that he heard that b had picked me up and taken me to some parking lot where me and him had a great 3 hours (wink wink nudge nudge) and i kinda lost my shit. another sophomore who was on our bus made a joke about how he thought brooks was gay and i made a joke about how he rides this other soundcloud rappers clout. they all laughed and honestly it felt kinda great to talk to someone about his bs that wasn’t a close friend. now i feel kinda terrible and don’t know if what i did was wrong or not.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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a64wsk
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{
"description": "cutting contact with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting contact with my friend?
|
Hi folks. A small confession, this isn't really worrying me or anything, but when I found out about this sub a couple of days ago I LOVED the idea. (Am I the asshole for not posting a serious situation? Lol.) So anyway, I finally came up with a situation which I could share. Happened about a year ago.
I live in Spain now and my first year here I met a young Spanish guy about my age in a club that we both attended. I was visiting from another town. We became quick friends and used to have deep life discussions and stuff. Before each of us had girlfriends, we would hang out every 3-4 months. I would always hop on a bus or whatever and go meet him where he lives (Seville), he would put me up in his house and I would pay for our meals.
Well, once we got girlfriends, things started to peter out, but we maintained contact more or less. One day, we had planned to meet up, and I made my usual travel arrangements. At the last minute he bails on me because he "isn't in a good space mentally" (to my knowledge he has no diagnosed mental health issues, he was just feeling down or whatever). I tried convincing him but hey, whatever, he doesn't feel well. Fine. I cancelled all my travel arrangements and didn't think too much about it.
About 6 months later we tried again. When we agreed upon my visit I asked him, are you SURE this is what you want? Because last time you bailed. He said yes. I confirmed with him, AGAIN, 1 week before my visit - again making SURE he wanted me to visit. He says yes. And finally, a couple days later, he calls and I already know what it's about. He says, can I please NOT come because it turns out this is the only weekend he can be at his flat alone with his girlfriend. I made a big deal about it this time, like, dude, you've done this TWICE now and I confirmed with you two times before making my arrangements. You're gonna make me do this again? And, he did. I had to cancel all my arrangements, losing time, energy, and a bit of money.
After that moment I pretty much decided, hey, this guy has no respect for what's going on with me and is too wrapped up in his own crap to be a good friend for me. So I was sad at "losing him" but I stopped talking to him. Just didn't feel like he had anything to add to my life.
It's not like we were super close, and this is totally platonic BTW, but we definitely had a strong friendship. Not my BFF but probably (one of my) BFF(s) in this new country.
For whatever reason I finally called him today, told him that what he did wasn't OK with me, but that I didn't want to argue and just hoped he was well and all. And that we should stay in touch.
So, AITA / WITA for pretty much cutting him out of my life for a whole year over this?
Note: He also did not try to re-establish contact with me in this period.
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aneyyh
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{
"description": "not wanting to help",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help?
|
My husband and I have a friend who lives around the corner. We do a lot to help her family out and now I'm starting to feel taken advantage of. I have 3 kids of my own who are very little (all under 6 and one is an infant)- relevant to things.
I take her and her kid to school every morning since she doesn't drive and it's too cold to walk. They live around the corner so I don't mind. It only adds an extra minute. But once a week I take the kid to school without either parent because there is another kid that doesn't go to daycare that day and my vehicle isn't big enough for everyone- only seats 6. It's not a huge deal but it does make things a bit more intense with 4 kids especially in the cold.
Twice a week I watch one of the kids after school for about 3 hours. I'm not being paid, which again not a huge deal. They don't have a lot of money and we are financially stable. But this kid has some behavioural problems. We work through them and tell the kid appropriate ways to express their feelings, using manners, etc. that my kids already (minus the baby) know how to do and do effectively usually- they're kids they aren't perfect.
Now, some mornings after dropping the kids off she says "oh I have an appointment at (wherever) in 15 minutes can you take me there?" At which point I feel obligated because that's a pretty big time crunch so I do even if I have other things going on because I can usually make it on time.
My husband does drop off when he is not working and she has an expectation that he's going to help them on a whim to do what ever they need for that day. I'm kind of getting annoyed at all the expectations for whatever they need at any time. I don't mind doing the school run and watching the kid after but I feel like it's a lot to expect the other stuff.
AITA? She seems pretty understanding when I say it's a lot but doesn't change anything. Also we have 2 vehicles so I can still do things I need to get done if my man has the car.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "criticizing someone in a separate discord server",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for Criticizing someone in a separate discord server?
|
Here's some backstory...
I was in this discord server that happened to be about werewolves and whatnot and the people in charge tended to call it a "pack". Well, see the owner of the server tended to be very... eh IDK a very kind word for it, basically he was the kind of RPer who would PM you outside of the server because he got mad about an exchange between two characters. On top of this, you need to message him to get anything approved for your character (ie. Storylines, abilities, or even another character) well, whenever I wanted something for my character, such as a storyline, or if I wanted a new character, all he'd say is "I'll think about it" and then never get back to me about it, despite other people getting new characters left and right, story lines, the works. He himself had like 5 characters. He would also not follow the same guidelines everyone else did because he owned the server and was designated "the most powerful" which I think would normally be fine because status and whatnot, but every single one of his characters were like this, not just the character in charge. Well, another friend of mine made a server, and I was made a mod on the new server. Well I invited a couple of people from the old server to the new server. I laid out some rules and guidelines and used a couple of the numerous examples I had at hand about what not to do in RP so that everyone could have a good experience. Granted, there was one time I used harsh wording and maybe that was overstepping, but somehow the convo gets screenshotted and sent to him. Then he texts me and says "So you dont like me as alpha huh?"
*facepalm*
We get into a heated discussion and he's really offended because of what I said, but, I point out to him that I dont dislike the server as a whole, or him, it's just that things could be improved upon. Then he has the nerve to say "what are you doing opening up a new server when you're apart of mine, and stealing my players"...umm.. I've known 2 of those people for several years IRL outside of the server, and the other person left anyway, and I didn't broadcast it in the server anyway. The whole time he's also threatening to punish me and the other person
His girlfriend messages me
*mega facepalm*
She isn't mad or anything but she just wants to understand. So I point out what I said and then explain why I said what I said, along with the other friend who owns the new server.
*his mom enters the group*
*atomic facepalm*
"Yall are bullying and talking bad about our server, we want you two to leave"
I never said I disliked the server, and I liked everyone on there, including the peeps in charge, but now that I've left, I'm wondering if I was actually in the wrong and was being too steadfast. I'm kinda lonely, and I'm conflicted as to whether or not I should apologize, I dont know if pride is getting in the way but I'm also still angry to an extent.
TL;DR I got kicked out of a server for criticizing someone else in a new one
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "snapping at my gf when she caught my skin in my zipper while closing my pants",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for snapping at my gf when she caught my skin in my zipper while closing my pants?
|
She was zipping up my pants and the skin of my junk got caught in the zipper. In the blink of an eye I was really angry and shouted “just fuck off”. Immediately after I was shocked that I said that and said sorry because I don’t wanna talk to her (or anyone for that matter) in such a rude way.
She freaked out and started crying because her father used to suddenly change in personality like that and abuse her. I calmed her down and apologized.
What I’d like to know though is if I should re-evaluate how I treat my girlfriend and what I think of her (i.e. make a conscious effort to be more understanding and respectful) or if my little outburst was normal? Is it normal for guys to freak out and suddenly get really angry when their genitalia are in danger?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "trying to sell a gift I didn't like",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for trying to sell a gift I didn't like?
|
There will be a TL;DR at the end if you want to skip.
I feel like a little background is needed here. When I was younger I was definitely an a-hole about gifts. Like even if I tried to hide it, I feel like most people could tell if I didn't like a gift and I've even had a few regrettable moments when I've straight up told someone I didn't like the gift they gave me. I've gotten a lot better as I've gotten older and have shifted to a mentality of "It's the thought that counts." Still, getting gifts is cool. Getting gifts that you like is even cooler. I'm a gift card person. I would love it if everyone just gave me gift cards for everything. But I know that some people prefer giving more personal gifts which I completely get. If I do plan on getting a more personal gift for someone and don't know what they want I will ask them, "Hey, what do want for this occasion?" which more people should do honestly.
Anyway, my aunts and cousin, while I love them to death, are not very good gift givers and they don't like giving gift cards as a gift. As stated above, I am no longer the type of person who will make it known if I don't like a gift. It's just rude. But a couple of years ago when my aunts just gave me gift cards I made it a point to tell them how much I loved getting gift cards, hoping that they'd get the hint, but that was short lived. My cousin usually gives me a Christmas themed body wash/lotion set from Bath and Body Works but I have really sensitive skin and can't use them so I usually wind up giving them to my mom. Last year both of my aunts gave me purses. I don't mind getting purses as a gift but these ones were not my style. My one aunt left the tag on so I exchanged it for something else.
My other aunt bought the purse and wallet she gave me at a store that only sells purses, wallets, totes, etc., in a certain style and material that I am not a fan of so I was unable to return/exchange. So I posted them for sale on Poshmark. What I didn't realize is my aunt who gave me these items follows my Poshmark closet so she saw that I posted them. She sent me a text that basically said that I should have told her that I didn't like them and she would've given me the receipt so I could exchange them (which again wouldn't have helped since I don't like the items the maker of this purse manufactures,) along with a screenshot of my Poshmark listing just to make sure I knew that she knew. I've felt horrible ever since. I apologized profusely and tried to play it off by saying that I did like them but I just had so many purses that I wasn't using and was trying to downsize. I took down the listing and the purse and wallet and are still sitting in a gift bag in my bedroom.
Am I the asshole here? Again, while I do ultimately think that it's the thought that counts, I also think that everyone enjoys getting gifts and if you give someone a gift they don't like it creates work. It's like giving someone a goldfish as a gift. Like yeah, goldfish are pretty neat but you're not just giving me a goldfish. You're giving me a responsibility. I don't know. Maybe I'm over thinking this. Maybe I am just an asshole. Also, WIBTA if I posted on FB that I just wanted gift cards? I wouldn't say "Hey, give me gift cards for Christmas/birthday." It would be more, "Hey, if you're planning on getting me a gift for my birthday/Christmas..." Also, just full disclosure, my birthday is at the beginning of December so I will sometimes get one bigger gift as a combo birthday/Christmas present and that's what this was. So I know that while what my aunt spent more money on it than she would've if it were just a Christmas present alone, it wasn't astronomically expensive.
TL;DR my aunt gave me a purse and wallet for Christmas that I didn't like. I tried to sell it online. She found out and was upset. AITA?
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{
"description": "not going to holiday dinners",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
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|
WIBTA for not going to holiday dinners?
|
I'm pretty sure I'm being an asshole, but I don't see how the alternatives are any better.
**Background:**
I haven’t attended a family dinner since I moved out after high school. This year, I moved back in with my parents to save money on rent while I complete my final year at university.
**The situation:**
I don't want to go for a variety of reasons but the main one is my grandmother. She’s the 'matriarch' of the family and a holy-roller southern baptist. She's said a lot of bigoted things in the past, often about her gay niece. She had no idea her only grandchild was LGBT as well until earlier this year.
I’m not interested in educating her. I’m not interested in arguing with her. I’m not interested in forgiving her. I’m not interested in ignoring the tension and pretending we’re one big happy family. Every single one of those ships has sailed.
I would be perfectly content to never interact with her or my extended family again. My mother chastises me for being so cold-hearted. She doesn’t understand the strain of growing up, knowing that your family's acceptance is conditioned on their continued ignorance. Personally, I think they’re better off with my cold distance over my cold presence.
**The real issue:**
My grandmother is getting older and her health is starting to decline. She recently asked (through my mother) to see me. It’s possible that she wants to make amends, but I take some vindictive pleasure in never giving her the chance.
The rest of my family is very old-fashioned. Even though they don't like some of the things she says, they don't challenge her because she's the eldest. My mother especially subscribes to this approach. Consequently, I don't trust any of them to stand up with me if I have to stand up for myself. I also resent them a little for their complacency and cowardice.
As I said at the beginning, I know I'm being an asshole for punishing them with my silence/absence and not giving them a chance to make amends. I'm okay with that. But I'm less okay with letting my resentment push me over the line to cruelty. I want to be judged on whether I've crossed that line.
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{
"description": "thinking that my aunt who brought her boyfriend along when my mom wanted to spend new years at the casino just with her sister was being super inconsiderate",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for thinking that my aunt who brought her boyfriend along when my mom wanted to spend new years at the casino just with her sister was being super inconsiderate?
|
So some background, me and my mother cared for my father for two years in hospice after he was diagnosed with intestinal cancer and his chemo treatment had failed and as he fought for those two years and passed away mid 2018 from it.
well fast forward about a month and half later and my aunt's marriage is falling apart from reasons i don't know, but she ends up moving in with my mom.
well a few months later around October - November she has a boyfriend.....i think "ok, already moved on from a marriage rather quickly but cool.... i guess", but not my business.
Now to where my thoughts on maybe im the asshole start to come in.
my mom hates gunfire and always spent it with my father as he was always the protector of the family and made her feel safe and she barley got pasted Thanksgiving and Christmas without him for her first time.
so when my mom asked my aunt to spend new years with her at the casino to get away from the gunfire and eat at the buffet which i thought was best as my mom needs company and companionship as me and my brothers all have our own lives and can't be there all the time for her especially with our own families now.
so my aunt i guess that it would be a great idea to invite her to me rather new boyfriend who she invited to Thanksgiving even though nobody ever met the guy to the outing with my mom.
well i obviously didn't think it was anywhere near a smart idea to make my mom her third wheel when she just lost my dad after 40+ years together.
and now my mom and aunt are fighting about this and my aunt may have to move out.
so Am I The Asshole for thinking my aunt was an asshole for bringing her boyfriend along with her when my mom planned it for just them so sisters could have fun?
my wife thinks what my aunt does is her business but i think if it effects my mom then its my business to.
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HISTORICAL
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aoszkf
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{
"description": "following instagram models while talking to my crush",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for following instagram models while talking to my crush?
|
Throwaway account, and please excuses my English.
Yesterday night I made a silly comment about how I blocked one of her followers, because that guy non-stop is posting ''sweet things'' under her pictures (she had over 100k followers so..). Meant it playful, and she appreciated me being honest with her, and said she kind of liked it.
She than, after a few minutes, tells me she went through the people I follow (mind you, I have 140 followers and do hardly anything with Instagram and I follow about 200 people). So she found some instagram ''models'' I follow. She instantly said that all the words I spoke with her are now ''lies and fake'' and I don't act the words I speak. I am also a pervert and she could never see her date someone like me. ''80% of men are like that'' etc.
I text her every morning, everything I do with pictures attached, because she said she enjoys that. Even started using snapchat, send voice notes for her to wake up to. She said all that doesn't matter and was all fake, because I followed some big titty instagram models. I never like or comment on girls pictures on instagram.
I did tell her I couldn't understand what the problem was, and I unfollowed a bunch of them directly, because I genuinely couldn't care less about who I follow. She said that me unfollowing them didn't make things better suddenly.
Am I the asshole for following these girls while talking 'sweet' to her?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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| null |
AITA (complicated relationship, transitioning)
|
Currently, I'm in the aftermath of a breakup. I've been trying to make things right so we can be friends. I'm 18/ftm and she's 16/f (we were dating before I turned 18 for what it's worth). The backstory is we were in a pretty serious relationship for about 6 months. Her parents didn't know we were together (or that I was trans) and thought we were just friends. I practically lived at her house for over a month of it bc of some falling out between my mom and I. Things were great, we were madly in love, all that jazz. The relationship moved really fast but it all felt natural, she never seemed opposed to that and we both took the lead equal amounts. Then about 4 months in she started acting cold and rude towards me. I chocked it up to a lot of family drama going on, the stress of keeping the relationship hidden from her folks, and her sick aunt, so I never fully confronted her about it. It slowly started to eat at me. I typically don't do well in a situation where I don't know if I'm welcomed or not and it triggers a lot of irrational thoughts unless I can get some sort of confirmation, something I mentioned when we first got together but it got glossed over ig. (Another point to add was that my last relationship involved me being constantly cut down then told that I was loved and that she never wanted me to leave, as mentioned in the screenshots. She knew about that toxic relationship.) I broke down a few times due to this. Every time I tried to voice this, she said my thoughts and actions were irrational, which I was aware of, but never told me why she started acting like that or reassured me that it was something else. It was around this time that I also started T, which made me feel really weird for a few weeks. Cut to a few days ago, we were broke up by this time. She was hanging out with another friend of mine (I'll add that they were pretty stoned), I halfway invite myself over, and when I get there I got really uneasy. I acted rudely and hostile out of nowhere. I profusely apologized as soon as I left. She stopped responding to me until this conversation happened.
The conversation I had with my ex http://imgur.com/a/idZ6hLS
I'm really distraught about the whole thing. I blocked communications with her just because I can't bear the thought of making her feel like that, let alone anyone. I'm upset that she thinks I'm a whole different person because of T, none of my other friends think I'm any different except I'm a bit louder of a person. My actions around her have certainly changed, but there's a definite change in how she treated me too. While there's no excise for it, I felt like I gave a decent explanation of my actions, so am I in the wrong to expect the same? Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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9zp8ju
|
{
"description": "pointing to my mil that she's not a widow",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for pointing to my MIL that she's not a widow?
|
My mother-in-law – let's call her Susanne – likes to feel sorry for herself because she is a widow, and therefore she lives alone and with no one who could help her on daily basis, or something like that.
Here's the thing: she and her husband (let's say David) divorced and only later David died in an accident. Susanne never re-married (apparently there are reasons she wasn't willing to find somebody else; I don't think it's relevant, so don't want to go into too many details). This all happened before I even met my eventual wife, so I have never met David and I certainly don't know everything about the whole story.
As far as I know, many people in Susanne's family don't know that they were divorced. I can only guess why: we live in a society where divorce is seen as something bad (or at least, not entirely okay). Whatever her reasons are, I want to respect it, so I don't "out" her during family gatherings. However, when she brings the "poor widow" card in private, I like to point out that she's not a widow but rather a divorcee, so David's untimely death is not the reason she is alone: even if he lived to this day, she would still be single.
David died in 2002, quite some time ago, and Susanne doesn't seem to still grief that; from my perspective it seems that she just tries to make people feel pity for her.
Am I being inconsiderate?
(As this might show in the comments, I don't think Susanna's claims that she is all alone aren't justified. We visit her on pretty much weekly basis (we live in the same city) and occasionally help her with things like small home repairs; though admittedly I don't think I'm good at that, so I often propose she hires a professional instead, which she in turn interprets as my unwillingness to help. She seems to be some kind of a "half-feminist", who objects treating women as housewives but still thinks every man should be an expert in all sorts of mechanical repairs and the like.)
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
ajpg2p
|
{
"description": "not kissing my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not kissing my girlfriend?
|
So I’ve (31M) been sick all week, it’s pretty bad. My girlfriend (26F) keeps trying to kiss me when she or I leaves and I tell her, “No, I don’t want you to get sick” and she gets all pissy. I feel like she is being childish, and she should know better than to pretty much purposefully spread germs.
She knows how sick I’ve been because she’s been here, it’s extremely unpleasant. I feel like I’m looking out for her, and the people she interacts with. But for some reason she feels like she needs a kiss even though she may end up feeling terrible for a week or more, I honestly don’t get it.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
atjbm8
|
{
"description": "encouraging me friend to go all alone to meet her ex in another potentially dangerous city without any of her parents knowing",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for encouraging me friend to go all alone to meet her ex in another potentially dangerous city without any of her parents knowing?
|
This happened a few months back. My friend (she lives with me and we study together) was going through a phase where nothing was working out with any of the guys she had been meeting off of tinder (basically all of them turned out be assholes, leading her on at first, then bailing out abruptly with flimsy excuses). So when she told me her ex got in touch with her and invited her over to his place and offered to book flight tickets for her, I thought it wasn't a bad idea provided she was ready to fly alone overnight to his place and back. She was unsure at first and asked for my advice, I don't know what made me do what I did, but I said I would cover up in case her mom calls home asking to speak to her. Things ended badly when her mom suspected something amiss while speaking to her on the phone just before she boarded the flight. She demanded to see her on video call and my friend, panicking, called me up and I didn't know what to do so I told her it's best if she video calls her mom and makes it look like she's at home just about to go to bed. That plan was a success fortunately. But she ended up telling her mom everything later on because she was terribly upset that our friends stopped talking to her (she had lied to them saying she was attending a wedding with her sister). They told her that they don't trust her anymore. I feel like all this drama could have been avoided if I had just warned her this was a stupid idea in the first place. Our friends still don't speak to her properly and think that she's just a desperate mess who would do anything for a guy.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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HmJVXC65TAy4RjEV65OrH5wvlnfoy7nP
|
b6yuqq
|
{
"description": "moving 1,500 miles away from my husband for 6 months",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for moving 1,500 miles away from my husband for 6 months?
|
My husband and I are in more debt than I have ever been in my life. Our main goal in life is to save up money and sail around the Caribbean. We have been together 7 years and married for almost 2. We have no children.
My sister goes to Alaska each year to serve at a restaurant and she makes very good money (way more than I make at my current job). My husband and I have talked about it in the past but have always agreed it was too much time apart. After crawling from the wreckage of 2018, I began to seriously consider the job. I talked to my husband and I applied. After I applied, he did say that he doesn’t think it is a good idea that we will be a part for that long. But he seemed to come around and support me. He would ask to talk about it and I would say, let’s wait until I actually get the job. Every bit of information I got from my sister or email from the company, I let him know.
So I get the job. My husband had seemed to come around and he has been looking for work there as well. The main issue is our dogs, we needed to find housing for them (for us both to go). My sister has been reaching out to all of her friends to find a dog friendly rental. She may have a friend with one that opens in June. I will be working from April 15th- September. I began to book my flight and my husband asks me to wait to see if he gets a call from a application he sent in that day. Later that day he tells me to buy my tickets. So I do.
I just told him I am writing this post and he wants me to add: Our house is far away from family. 3,000 miles away from family. So it would be just him and the dogs.
Anyways, the day after I buy the tickets, he is no longer supportive. He says I am ditching him. He says he just told me to buy the tickets because he wanted me to change my mind.
He has been depressed and ornery the past two days since I bought my tickets. He tells me I am ruining the relationship.
Last night he says he is going to sail up there with our small sailboat. I say that it is pretty dangerous and he brushes it off saying that people do it all the time. So he starts planning his sailing trip and we are both getting excited that he has a way to get up there. Then he snaps again and blames me because sailing is too dangerous and I shouldn’t have supported the choice.
He keeps asking what he can do to make me stay and I keep saying there is nothing. I need stability in my life and I want this experience. He says if I love him I wouldn’t ditch him. I say if he loves me he would support me.
I have suggested that he go stay with family while I am away, but he doesn’t want to. He just doesn’t want me to go.
AITA for wanting to do this and not canceling after I have committed?
TLDR; AITA for going to Alaska to have an experience and make money for 6 months without my husband.
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AITA for having my cousin beat up some girls who were bothering me at school?
|
There are some very unpleasant girls (as girls are at that age) at my school, who cause a lot of trouble and harrass me. They invade my personal space and are very obnoxious. I can't do anything about it personally as I could (and have done in the past) if they were male because there is that retarded rule about not hitting girls.
To resolve this dilemma I contacted my female cousin and under the pretence of a mugging she isolated the head bully dragged her into an alley and beat her up.
My cousin goes to a different school so I doubt she will run into the other girl again.
I know it was wrong but these girls are sociopathic so hopefully they have learnt their lesson.
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AITA for dumping a girl on Wednesday and going out with her close friend on Friday?
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I’m a sophomore in HS who doesn’t have too much experience w girls but I’m not antisocial or anything, I’m relatively popular.
Let’s call the girl I dumped “girl#1”
I asked out girl#1 to homecoming and “dated” her for about a month. We only hu around 3-4 times but slowly our relationship deteriorated and the last week we were dating we only had one conversation. I’m good at talking to people and I really just wanted a deep connection, I would try to initiate conversation and she just wouldn’t open up or communicate. I ft girl#1 and told her that something needed to change and we needed to actually talk outside of school and do normal dating things otherwise it’s not really worth it. She agreed and she tried her best to reach out more but it still wasn’t working out. I was incredibly unhappy and stressed out because I suffer from severe anxiety and I didn’t really think it was worth it at this point. I decided to end things and she took it really well or so I thought, she seemed to agree w me and was not upset at all.
During the time we dated, I had become best friends with another girl (girl#2) who was objectively more attractive and more popular and someone I considered out of my league. I did not consider them romantically at all until I split up with girl#1. Girl#1 and girl#2 are close-ish friends but they’re part of separate friend groups. Girl#2 has shown signs that she was into me for a while and we ft every night and talked all day, after I was vulnerable from splitting up w girl#1, she was there for me. I decided to ask her out on Friday considering she had said she would say yes beforehand and she was already my closest friend. Ofc she says yes but we agree not to tell anyone because girl#1 would get pissed. On Saturday one of our mutual friends is having a sweet 16 and I decide to go just to see girl #2, before I had split up w girl #1 I had made plans to go w her but I assumed she wouldn’t be going now. Girl#1 hadn’t once followed through on plans we had made and the only times we had hung out were when other people made group plans.
I get to the party and start dancing w girl #2 and then girl #1 walks in and I’m pretty sure she sees us. She pretends not to notice and walks away. I freak out and feel awful for her so I kinda keep my distance from then on. I would have kept doing that except girl #2 had gotten incredibly drunk at that point and was panicking. I know her better than anybody and she really wanted me to be there and so did her friends so I ended up cuddling her on a couch trying to calm her down. I’ve done this w many people in the past because I have a very high tolerance to most substances. (abuse) Girl#2 lays on me for 30-40 minutes and girl#1 walks back in. She stares at us for most of that time. One of girl#2’s friends who is dating my best friend walks up to me and starts yelling at me. Apparently girl#1 had told her “fuck you for being happy” and then apologized and started crying. There was nothing I could do at that point, I really did not think she would care that much and on top of that I didn’t even be cuddling girl #2 if she wasn’t freaking out.
AITA? I will answer all questions
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ak3ong
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AITA The Flu and the Husband
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Apologies for formatting, being new to reddit, and all that comes with it. I also have the flu, so I hope this makes sense.
The husb, for the past few days has been pretty great with taking care of me. Normally he's at a loss for what to do for a sick person, but up until now he's been conscientious, willing to do things for me, etc.
This morning, however, I don't know. I just woke up and headed into our living room/kitchen, where he was working on his laptop. He had anticipated me sleeping till noon or later and needed to work, but my bladder and hunger had other ideas. Seems as though his babying me was paying off and I'm improving.
So I head in there and we do our normal greetings as well as him commenting that I'm up early (really the usual time I wake up on weekends).
He mentions that he can now move back to the bedroom where he keeps his desk (yes, it's a small apartment), and I respond that it would be more comfortable with his chair (he had been sitting on a cushion on the floor and using the coffee table as a desk). He starts unplugging the laptop and moving his stuff back to his desk.
Here comes the bit I'm worried about. I joke that it would also be better off he moved back to his desk because he would not want to be around my open mouth eating noises (I'm still majorly congested) and sniffing. I know that he hates these noises, but it's not like it's voluntary.
He responds, "You're just thinking about yourself" in his usual 'you just messed up' tone and goes off to the bedroom. He doesn't respond when I tell him I'm willing to move back in the bedroom and eat there.
I know it doesn't sound like much, but the whiplash from him being kind to him telling a sick person they're being selfish for wanting to eat makes me wonder if he is right. Was my joke an asshole move?
PS, this is a bit of a touchy subject, because of his past treatment of me while I was sick and used to not believe me when I'd tell him how sick I felt. For example, I once made him very angry by insisting he drive me to a doctor on his first day off in a few weeks because I had been sick for two weeks and had a very obvious ear infection. I convinced him to at least drop me off at the office by saying if he didn't take me, I'd call a cab.
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AITA for never hanging out with my friends outside of school?
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I by no means dislike my friends, not at all, and it's not like they've approached me about why I don't hang out with them, but I just feel like my friendship is questionable to them. School is just tiring for me and I know that it's likely we'll end up doing the same thing we do at school so I don't really see a point to it. I love my friends, hell one of them I've known since pre-school, but when I think of hanging out with my friends I think of a more meaningful experience, like doing something we don't normally do or haven't done. It's also important to add that one of my two best friends goes to a private school, so I can only talk to him when we play Xbox, which he only gets an hour on each weekday, so I like to keep up with him.
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AITA For wanting to speak with my supervisor?
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I am a [19M] and was just recently diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (January). After having a large attack that caused the left half of my body to have limited mobility and the left half of my face to be numb. After a month of physical therapy and new medications I am doing much better now and my mobility is almost back to normal. However my face is still numb, I am not sure if this will ever get better.
I just starting working full time again at my job on Monday March 18th and I have a lot of issues with fatigue and it takes a lot of will power to make it through the day.
Just because I am sick does not mean that I cannot pay my bills.
I was told that my work was going to be very cooperative with me and my MS. Everything was going great for the first part of the week and I had no issues and did not really need to take any breaks, but today I was working a little bit more fast paced then normal and was doing different tasks then normal.
After the first 7 hours of the day I needed to take a break.
I work in a warehouse type environment so there are basically no chairs that I could’ve used to sit in. So I sat down on the top of a table that we use to wrap parts in foam and other tasks like that (this is something that everyone sits on when they are taking a break, because again there are no chairs). After about 5 minutes of me sitting down trying to regain some energy my supervisor called me out of the room ( I thought it was because he needed my help with something in a different area of the building). As soon as I walked through the door he said “you can’t be sitting on the table while you are on the job like that” and I said that I was sorry and that I just needed to take a break and then he said “that’s fine but when you need to take a break you can come talk to me and I will let you use my desk”.
This immediately hurt my feelings. I felt like he was hinting at me leaving for the day so I clocked out and left. And I don’t think that is a very productive solution to me needing to take a break.
I unfortunately need to take more breaks during the work week then I used to and I thought that my boss understood this and I thought this was okay.
ATIA for wanting to speak to him and draw a line in the sand about me taking breaks when I need them?
After all of the work that I have done and this terrible fight that I have found myself in, for someone to tell me to stop sitting around on the job really hurt my feelings.
Any advise on the situation would be great. My concern is that I am thinking into this too much and that I will make a fool of myself.
P.S. - I have never made a post on reddit before but I am really looking for some outsider input on this.
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"description": "changing the subject on a sensitive matter that I did not know about",
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AITA for changing the subject on a sensitive matter that I did not know about?
|
Mobile formating blah blah grammar blah blah
This happened today, and I asked some people on discord but they didn't really give a full response so i'm moving here.
In class at the end, my table was just goofing off regularly while playing the board game we were assigned, and a topic (It was a debating game) came up and asked "Should the punishment for (I cant say this word but its background info, but its a word which goes with no means no. Sorry if this isnt the best way to give the info without saying the word) be less severe?" Now, I don't remember exactly how it came to it, but my friend, who we will call Vince, said something "Well I have done some dark stuff in my past, just as X (a girl in the school)"
X also shared a name with my best friends GF, so I assumed he was talking about her. He also said BF doesnt treat her right her, so basically hes insinuating in a joke that he and others havent treated her right her, but then just said it was others after we were confused af. Other two people there are people we will call Sam and Dan. I remember some diaoluge word for word, but not all since it happened today.
M- Me
V- Vince
S- Sam
D- Dan
L- My best friend
M- Dude L is my best friend he would never do that
D- Shut up dude thats a different person, you dont know what you are talking about. Besides you dont know what is going on. V you shouldnt bring up something so personal.
V- You're right, i'm sorry.
S and V are talking about it while D and I are silent, then they stop. I dont know whats going on, and I am having a really good day so i decide to change the subject. First thing that comes to mind is the trailer for the Joker movie that released today, so I ask if anyone has seen the trailer.
when I do that, S and D automatically get pissed at me for that. I try explaining that I was trying to change the subject, and D argues that if I dont know whats going on to stop talking about it. I tell him I did and I changed the topic, but he still gets mad at me for it.
Should I have just kept quiet? Did I do the wrong thing? I thought it was the best thing to do as i had no information on the subject, plus its a subject that really shouldnt be discussed, but maybe I should have not said anything. AITA?
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"description": "wanting my partner(ish) to go through a pregnancy scare with me",
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AITA for wanting my partner(ish) to go through a pregnancy scare with me
|
First of all, I will admit we’ve used the pull out method 3 times which isn’t the safest form of birth control (if at all) but we have our reasons and I will be going on birth control soon. We’ve discussed what I would wish to do if I fell pregnant. We used condoms for a while until the last 3 times we saw each other. I had an aversion to birth control because I couldn’t use my parents health insurance to get it and I wasn’t sure the unprotected sex would be regular (we’ve both been tested)
The story is pretty straight forward. The person I’ve been seeing (mostly casually but still monogamous) for about 6/7 months and I have sex about once a month because we’re both busy and struggle to find time to meet. Of the times we’ve had sex.
The first two times I was scared I might be pregnant but decided I would wait until my period was x days late to tell him I was scared. I know it’s a stressful feeling, however, I’m aware that I didn’t have sex alone and I don’t feel I should be the only one stressing. I just don’t want to come across as attention seeking or whatever. I could wait until there is something to actually be scared about (i.e. my period is really late) and I don’t usually stress over nothing (I’ll start stressing the first day it’s late).
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ar0864
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"description": "not wanting to help my parents",
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|
AITA for not wanting to help my parents?
|
I’m 21 years old, and my parents are in their late 40’s/early 50’s. Every Thursday and Friday they expect me to wake up at 6:30 am to drive my dad to work because he recently had a medical complication that affected his vision. It’s all taken care of now but my mom still prohibits him from driving on the off chance that something could happen while he’s on the road. I was okay with helping back when he used to pay me, it was about 60 bucks for both of those days(keep in mind that we’re usually out for 7 to 9 hours per day) Then the pay starting going down, then he just stopped paying me altogether and hasn’t said anything about it. It’s not like I’m an integral part of his job(I sit in a cafeteria or drive him around, that’s the whole job description), and when I’m at home I’m usually applying for more jobs or making YouTube videos(which I admittedly have fallen behind on). Still, I’ve gone along with it because he’s my dad and I love him, though I wish I would get SOMETHING for the time, especially since I’m usually on the receiving end of his anger issues during this time. There have been days where I’ve had to hold back tears, listening to him compare to so and so’s kid, who has all sorts of degrees and is doing very important work, all the while continuing to drive normally like nothing is wrong. I’m also the youngest, with my oldest sister being married and out of the house, and my slightly older sister working with my parents on the weekends at a flea market. They pay her for this. About 70 bucks a day or so. Now, I do not have an actual job because my mom was making my life a living hell for being at my old job(which was a bit far from my house and was only part time, it also caused me to miss thanksgiving with my family) and getting a job there even though she initially told me I wasn’t allowed to, forcing me to quit before I had something else lined up. I was there for a grand total of two months. This was my only “official” job. Recently, this has caused me to adopt an idgaf attitude towards them, and I think I’m slowly starting to become resentful. I blindsided them by not signing up for classes this semester because frankly, I’m sick of school and I know it won’t take me anywhere I wanna be. I used to put effort into how I dressed when I went to work with my dad, but just this morning he made a passive aggressive remark about how my hair is a mess and it’s “the last time he accepts it being like that.” Sometimes it feels like I’m just a reflection on them instead of being their son. Every time I go out, I have a curfew, but I usually come home late in the hopes that one day they’ll stop being upset at me for doing so. I’m not very tolerant of a lot of their rules, and I’d like to move out but that’s not possible without a job. I know that times are tough at my dads job but I’d still jump at any opportunity that would prevent me from being able to work with him anymore. I don’t think my parents are bad people, I just lack any understanding of why they are the way that they are at times. I just want honest opinions at this point, like maybe I’m an entitled little shit and I don’t know it. Any advice would be truly appreciated.
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WRONG
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as8sxi
| null |
AITA because my husband wants to go out with a friend on the last night of our holiday?
|
We’re going to another state for a week. The first 3 nights will be to attend my mother’s 70th birthday party. The last 5 nights will be in the beach town where we got married a year ago (18 months ago by the time we get there). It’s the first time we will have been there since the wedding so it feels special.
He asked me tonight if I would mind if he went out for the night on the last night of our holiday with an old friend who lives 2.5 hours away. He’s assuming his friend would drive to where we are and get a hotel room for the night so they can go out for drinks.
I feel a bit miffed that he didn’t think to include me and that he expected I’d be cool with it and that I’d happily stay at our hotel with our 2 year old, on our last night. We could get a babysitter and all go out together. When I said as much he got grumpy and said “don’t worry about it then, I don’t want to go anyway”. I said I’m just telling you how I’m feeling about this, I’m not saying no that I’m not sure why but it feels a bit upsetting. He said he expected to have to go back to our airbnb and look after our child during my Mum’s party and implied it’s only fair he then gets to have a night out without us. I actually hadn’t given any thought to my mums birthday but honestly I think we’d either just leave around 9pm as a family to get the little one home to bed or put him to bed at the party (it’s at my aunts house that is 4 doors down from where we’re staying). Now he’s gone and shut himself in our bedroom telling me he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. I fully expect to get the silent treatment for the next few days because that’s his MO.
Are either of us the asshole here?
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aisha6
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AITA for wanting to sleep
|
So, backstory is simple. I had an appointment in the city on tuesday and a job interview on tuesday. As money was short, I asked my brother to sleep at his place to save travelling costs. He told me, that I would have to sleep on the couch and I agreed.
Mind you, Ive slept at his place several times and his roommate would stay up into the middle of the night,playing games. I didnt mind back then, because I never had to get up.
But he doesnt have this roommate anymore, so I hoped to sleep early and get up soon for the job interview.
But he started watching his favourite show. It was 8pm by that time and I did not mind, because it was his place. But then he watched episode after episode, I grew tired and sleepy and just wanted to rest. It was way past midnight and I was kept awake by the bright light and loud audio.
And in my tired mind, I started loudly complaining about him to him. I was at the point, where I considered sleeping outside, because it would actually let me sleep.
The next morning, when I almost overslept, I gave him the guilt. But he was the same. He did not let me breakfast before basically throwing me out for being an ungrategul person.
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a8hbip
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"description": "not remembering a story my girlfriend told me",
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AITA for not remembering a story my girlfriend told me?
|
This happened about an hour ago. My girlfriend has had an issue with this guy in her class Joshua, and for several reasons he's a super shitty person. The issue, though, is that he's best friends with her roommate. One thing led to another and she and her roommate had a pretty big fight over it that affected her a lot, which is valid considering how terrible of a person Joshua has been to her.
​
This all happened in September, which is when she told me about it, and naturally I haven't remembered all the details since then. Today she brought it up and because we haven't talked about it in a while I asked her to remind me about some of the details. This makes her furious and she starts screaming at me for not remembering something that affected her so much. I tried explaining to her that I've been exhausted from finals and all my mental energy has been going into studying and writing, so that naturally wasn't going to remember small details about something, especially when the only other time I was told about it was months ago. I was even working on a paper during our conversation. Am I the asshole here? Is it my fault for not remembering everything that happened?
​
**TL;DR:** My girlfriend got mad at me because I didn't remember the details of something that happened to her months ago
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RIGHT
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axnd29
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"description": "wanting what I paid for",
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|
AITA for wanting what I paid for?
|
This happened maybe two years ago with some friends. We went to Sonic for ice cream and slushies before going to a movie. I had ordered the Sonic equivalent to a Reese's blizzard/mcflurry. We all got our stuff and started eating. I realized there was a pretty big crack in my cup that ice cream was dripping out of so I asked for an extra cup to cover it with. Then I realized that there was only one big reese's cup in the middle of the ice cream and it wasn't crunched up or mixed in. (I had only taken like two or three bites at this point.) I tried breaking it up with my spoon but it wasnt working so I went and asked an employee what they could do. They said they would give me a new ice cream and that was fine. I got the second ice cream and again there was just one reese's cup but this time it was cracked in half and put on top. I dug through and that was the only one. At this point I was a little upset because my friends were basically done and I hadn't gotten the Blizzard I ordered, just vanilla ice cream with a piece of candy on top. I asked the employee agai. What was going on and they did they were out of the crushed reeses they usually have and they figured that was okay. Fine, they were improvising. I asked if there was anything else I could get because I didnt really want plain vanilla ice cream and half a candy bar. The manager told me o as I had already gotten a second ice cream free and I'd have to pay for something else. My friends were pissed at me because I "should be happy they tried to help and I'm making a scene." I wasn't yelling, throwing stuff, or being mean. I just wanted what I paid for. Had I ordered plain vanilla ice cream in a cup, that would be fine. But I paid for a blizzard. I threw the now melted cup of ice cream away and left because it wasnt worth an argument/fight over 2.50. I was pissed though because I ended up getting three bites of mediocre ice cream that I had to pay for.
(I do not think the employee that tried to help me is the asshole in this situation. They were doing their best to make my order correct under non ideal circumstances.)
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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IbBtGoGCHb0bEKhZUVlLN1sBulPh9Ajy
|
a9j4sm
|
{
"description": "communicating to my best friend that there are a lot of red flags in his current relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for communicating to my best friend that there are a lot of red flags in his current relationship?
|
We know each other for years, he had one relationship before (middle school) with girl that was really unstable emotionally, and he couldn't bear with her, it took several broke ups to wrap up things, because after each she was begging him to stay and start over.
After that he was alone for over ten years, dating and romancing along the way, but he just couldn't find good match for him.
Some time ago he met this girl, he seemed very enthusiastic about her and anxious to see if they could be together. It seemed as love at first sight case and it progressed good. I should mention that this is long-distance relationship and she is quite younger than him.
In few weeks he needed to get off his chest more than one problem :
- She is panicking if he don't respond to her in 5-15 minutes, sometimes even if forewarned. So he need to stay on phone and watch out during the day until she goes to bed.
- She have heavy hitting depression, leading her into vicious cycles of disparaging herself,
- She had suicide attempts and has certain attraction to this topic,
- He can't talk with her about feelings or any "real stuff", because she would disengage immedietaly every time.
At this point I was giving him general reassurances and we had few exhaustive long talks about those problems, he was really disturbed by her depression appearing out of nowhere and her vicious treatment of herself. At the same time he was interested in her and additionaly he was excited to the possibility of stopping being a virgin. He was also worried that he can't really talk with her. I stressed how important it is to have conversations about what he feels and how he needs to be able to talk with her about more serious stuff. I also warned him that stuff can get serious after having sex (which they eventually did after some struggles and delays).
After that came real bad month, she didn't receive her scholarship, she wanted to get scholarship to be comfortably able to move out of parents house and without it she would be down to the renting single room with other people, which she couldn't accept because she had set certain plan for life and when she was failing following it in any way it would throw her really deep deep down.
During that month he couldn't sleep, being fearfull about her dying on him every day, sometimes to the point of no sleep at all. He seemed tense and strained almost every day. He also wasn't able to talk with her at all and was feeling abandoned (while he was constantly chatting) because apparently she is generally disinterested in things that he likes. He was also worried about talking with her about his feelings because she might commit suicide. He would stick to the chatting and reassuring her all the time.
In the end after few more talks I told him that this is not a sustainable situation, because he need to be able to express his feelings and his interests without fears such as this. I warned him that she might start to depend on him emotionally and it could turn very ugly then.
Funniest thing is that very next day she sent him message saying that if it wouldn't be for him she would probably have tried to kill herself again. (he was astonished that she would write this just after our talk on the topic, so he showed me this).
Some better times ensued, and he was looking better for a few weeks. Unfortunately it wouldn't last. He started to once again being anxious and tense, about this time I started thinking that maybe I should just tell him that this is very bad direction. So when he approached me, he laying on a couch with distress and hollow gaze, and after he laid out that she is suicidal again and he is scared shitless, and after some talking about this I asked him:
- Realistically, how do you see you two working out and you being happy?
To which his reply was that he will be happy if she will be cured of depression and suicidal thoughts.
I pointed out that he rests his happiness on significant change of hers situation, thinking and emotions, which is pretty shaky grounds in any relationship.
I also went on with saying that it's insane to be so afraid for her life all the time. And that he was very unhappy very early into relationship with her and was unable to communicate with her about that.
I summarized other problems I mentioned earlier, and said that there are a lot of red flags present, and that I am worried that he would blame himself if she should do something to herself in future or that he would become accustomed with that kind of thing and reliving her vicious cycles through the years while being trapped by suicide threats.
He didn't really complain, but I felt like a jerk interfering with my friend choices. With time I also felt being cut off a little, and felt certain difference in our friendship which I cannot really explain other way than him feeling some regret about what I told him.
I personally think that I would do it again anyway, it seems like most obvious red flag ridden thing for me.
Maybe you guys will have different thoughts and perspectives? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
q4dno4vaqiHrnlav0QGxFOOI71dGHGn5
|
azaa4f
|
{
"description": "telling her about this bet",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling her about this bet?
|
First of all: Sorry for my not perfect english.
​
So a few years ago I had a crush on some girl, she had a pretty slutty reputation (which was bullshit) and 2 classmates of mine bet about who would be the first one to get laid with her. They asked me not to tell that to her and I didnt because I wasn't really worrying that they even get that far. But one day she heard from a bet which was about her and the following days she begged me to tell her what it was about since she knew that i knew what it was. And after a long time thinking about it i decided that she should know that. My classmates weren't to happy to hear that so they didn't speak to me for a few weeks. What do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
FV52Ff6JZ1uHMqPHBS6OtO9z4l5xN5CM
|
acm2sp
|
{
"description": "calling my depressed sister a fucking crazy bitch in front of my mother when she told me she'll choke me in my sleep",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for calling my depressed sister a fucking crazy bitch in front of my mother when she told me she'll choke me in my sleep?
|
She's in her 20's, has several mental health issues such as depression and social anxiety and lives with our grandmother. I visited my grandmother this winter break and my mom, which I had not seen in years, also came. We all live in Brazil.
Me and my sister had fought just a few days before this title incident and frankly I think getting physical and threatening me, and telling me to kill myself unbelievable. I had beat her back in a moment of rage when she clawed her nails in my arm and told her to stay the fuck away from me. Everybody got mad at me for hitting her back so hard. (I'm M, 15). That was because me and my younger cousin made gentle fun of her english when she was boasting about it when she tried speaking to our little english speaking half-sister. So she started hitting me.
We haven't talked for days until today, when she found a charger in the living room, accused me of doing it, and when I said I hadn't do it she told me she'll choke me on my sleep. I called her a fucking crazy bitch, and said I didn't regret it when my mom got mad at me for it. I told my mom i'd call her a bitch again and again, and that she is crazy and I feel unsafe.
I feel like i'm unsafe here in the household, and everybody's mad at me for my vocabulary. Everyone's mad at me and telling me that I wasn't like this, swearing and all, but I feel genuinely scared. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
VwJVr6QNzMhtewSkujgx5OXfJEgskoGF
|
abue3j
|
{
"description": "calling out a friend that was trash talking our other friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For calling out a friend that was trash talking our other friend
|
This is my first post to reddit ever and I’m on mobile like a pleb so bare with me
So Marie, Anne, Kyla and I have all been best friends for at least five years, Kyla and I are closer and Anne and Marie are closer with each other but Marie keeps trash talking Kyla all the time and is always critical of her and super judgey even tho that’s her best friend and you shouldn’t do that and everyone knows she talks shit about Kyla including Kyla and we’re all kind of tired of it and so Anne told Marie to stop talking shit and asked “can we not talk about Kyla that’s her life that’s her business” and Anne told me about this as we’ve talked about how Marie talks shit all the time and we’re tired of it and I guess Marie found out that Anne told me and Marie got mad and blocked her on everything and Kyla is ready to drop her so I said I’d message Marie trying to be the peace maker. The message may have been a little harsh but it’s what she needed to hear so I sent it and Marie basically sent a massage back saying it’s because she “cares too much” and how she was just trying to “help” and she wished us good luck in life and this is what she gets for asking questions and caring too much.
But she’s never once mention her intentions to help it’s all been malevolent
I want to believe that she had good intentions but it’s hard and I can’t tell if she’s honest or being manipulative and trying to cover her ass.
I’m sorry if this is confusing I’m trying to explain everything but with keeping privacy and keeping it short. All in all I would like to hear others opinions. Sorry if this post doesn’t belong here just not sure where to turn.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
pgnBnQJpb2tJg9zVCRQmbJTwUfHfHEFq
|
a9tk7w
|
{
"description": "not going to my aunt's house",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not going to my aunt's house?
|
Throwaway here. So I just want to start this off by saying I love my family. We're really close and I love spending time with them. But I've seen my all of my 25 cousins and my aunts and uncles Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday this week. Now tonight my mom wants to go to my aunt's house to have a game night with just a couple of cousins and my aunt.
I'm am an introvert and I like going out a couple nights a week, but now, I'm just tired. I cannot deal with going out every night and seeing a multitude of people for hours. My cousin is pretty bummed because he won't have as much fun without me there and I feel like a bit of an asshole. My aunt even said they could come over to our house instead. I just don't want to be around people anymore and I made that clear to my mom. So now they are going to my aunt's house without me and they won't have as much fun. My family isn't saying I'm bad for not wanting to go, but I still feel like a letdown. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ZimjDulBJnfAdw3LGHMbNIw6EczyOZli
|
amwg8x
|
{
"description": "not breaking up with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not breaking up with my Girlfriend?
|
So I would like to first tell you about the whole situation. I am a fairly shy introverted person and my friend Vikky (fake name) was fairly similar. We shared interests in Memes, television series like The Office and Brooklyn Nine Nine. We had some Highschool courses together and after a semester became best friends. We were very talkative together and brought out eachothers sense of dark humour. We started talking on Facetime almost daily, hanging out at school, and on lunch breaks. I had a crush on her, but as I said I was **very** shy about things that can blow up and make me uncomfortable. Halfway through the year one of her friends attempted suicide in school. This was very scary for me and I have necrophobia (irrational fear of death). Later on I mention how I can not deal with the topic of death and ESPECIALLY suicide (Important to remember). I say that I had thought her friend wascute but the stress would kill me, I would also think it was my fault no matter what. We change topics and continue talking the rest of the night. Summer rolls around and she starts saying that she wants to tell me something, but is scared of me becoming awkward. She continues avoiding the point and I get pissed off and I Ghost her for the next day. She says later on that she liked me (I had the feeling) we talk about it and I say, "I want a relationship with you, but I am very busy for the next few months (Vacations, summer camps, and dancing classes)". She says it will be fine and I go with it, we started dating. We talk and talk online, but I did not have time to meet because of eight hours of work and four hours of online schooling. We met up once at a location near the school and grabbed lunch and talked, it was nice. I go on the big trip which I had been looking forward to for **two years.** I leave and we text because we were keeping the relationship to us and some friends. One night halfway through my trip she sent a snapchat of her leg with a large cut through it. I knew she had trouble with depression and anxiety so I asked her what happened. She said, **"Please don't be mad."** I knew exactly what she was going to say. She had cut her leg (Purposely) and her Mom was not home so she had to walk 3.2km at twelve Pm. She knew that I would not like it because of when her friend tried to end it. I was SO done with it and stopped talking until I was back. Our communication levels deteriorated until School started up again. We talked less and less over the weeks because I felt I lost the spark, I was going to break up with her until I was told by a mutual friend that she was going through "Hard times" so I called her that night (knowing that it could be REALLY BAD). She said she was fine after I asked her several times so we moved on and talked about different topics. I postponed it for about two weeks until she texted me to, "just break up with me already" I said that I wanted too talk to her about it and she reluctantly did after plenty of asking. She thought that I did not spend enough time with her and it was true, but I had told her that I was REALLY BUSY. I said I was very sorry but I think we should break up. I wanted to stay friends, but she said to, "stop pitying me". She blocked me and then ended all our communications.
​
I have thought of this ever since. I feel guilty but thier was a part of me that felt she was started all the problems. I would like to hear all of your opinions because maybe it will be less of my thoughts day to day and because I am returning to normal school soon (I did an outdoor program away from the school).
Thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
t4thBtJf3IJApQJwBcVpdwTelhRnUnXZ
|
aivh81
|
{
"description": "beating my dad at Smash Bros",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for beating my dad at Smash Bros?
|
So, every night me and my dad play Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. He’s not the best at the game, although he is improving. When we play, he always insists on picking my character, so he has a better chance at winning. I’m normally fine with this, as it gives me more of a challenge.
For our first match tonight, he picks Ganondorf for himself and Zero Suit Samus for me. Great. A character I haven’t played yet. I lose, only taking one of his Stock. Today was not my best day, with girl trouble and other things at school. I’m a little annoyed, and ask if I can pick my own character. He has a smug look on his face and accepts. This rubbed me the wrong way, for some reason. I mean, he won a single match in the past three days. Yay him. But now he’s acting like he’s invincible or something.
I instantly go for King K. Rool, like the complete dick I am. He’s not my main, but I know about the cannon and vacuum bullshit, and feel like toying with him. I beat him back against the edge, and spam the vacuum. I knock out two of his Stocks, and can’t help but laugh. He gets pissed, because he doesn’t know how to avoid it. He just wastes his last Stock by running off the edge. I get a little annoyed that he would give up, but his excuse is that I chose a garbage character.
He gets up to leave, and I ask him to play one more match. He hesitantly accepts the offer, and I immediately burst out laughing. He asks if it’s about the last match, and I’m like, “oh just you wait.” The match starts, and I chose Ridley, and again, spam the same attack, in this case his side special, the command grab. I throw him off the edge and shoot some plasma balls, but he isn’t having any of it. After the quick history, he gets up and leaves, clearly upset.
I felt a little bad initially, but it was some of the only fun I’ve had all day. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
75YlGYs8z6W7H8PSNnSjttWE57ufM0Zr
|
a7seeu
|
{
"description": "being angry that my senior boss told my junior boss that I had told him I was feeling harassed by the junior boss at my job",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being angry that my senior boss told my junior boss that I had told him I was feeling harassed by the junior boss at my job?
|
Not sexual harassment - demeaning remarks, overbearing supervision, not admitting they were wrong when challenged? HR policy states that this should have been confidential when I told my senior boss, and he instead said to me today he had discussed my feelings regarding the harassment with the junior. I explicitly did not ask him to speak to her on my behalf.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
wHVxKOVzq2dvDhLrK9AQXZQA3oBPJZxU
|
a8ujb5
|
{
"description": "wanting to live comfortably",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting to live comfortably?
|
So I just moved into my new place about a month ago. It was forced, my dad's health was seriously declining and he couldn't work anymore, but he'she's seeing a doctor regularly and things are starting to look up for him. The night I moved in, I was so scared of being there alone, I didn't know the area and my landlord is a total dick. My boyfriend had spent the night at my old house with me the night before to help me move, but honestly I just wanted him to live with me because I didn't want to be alone. I ended up asking him to stay, which required him to quit his old job because he doesn't have a car and couldn't walk that far. I realized I would be the only support system when I asked him to move in. But, things are getting tough. I'm extremely stressed out due to the fact that I'm the only one paying bills and buying groceries while he gets to sleep in and play video games all day. He helps clean which I'm extremely grateful for and he says he's been looking for jobs but none has called back. I just want to know if I'm the asshole for hounding him to get a job. I want to live comfortably but it's difficult when I'm paying all of the bills.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
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