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FICVCP0Su31NAUF0Uy2hVW0ZTi5ErOEf
|
an81mf
| null |
AITA my parents keeping on having sex, I can hear them, i tried to subtly tell them that I’m awake but it isn’t working. Would it be rude if I stomped on the floor? I need to be up early for school and this has been happening repeatedly.
|
I know it means they have a good relationship (I’m grateful) but it’s making me emotionally and physically tired. I cannot keep it to myself anymore
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
97vBQQHvakgoESS9fLnmjXwlDO1K4nrh
|
ares5m
|
{
"description": "not wanting to immediately be labeled as an asshole",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to immediately be labeled as an asshole?
|
Throwaway account as partner also has reddit, etc.
Bit of backstory:
I've had anger issues for a long time. In the past 4 years I started making progress to deal with them (Note: I'm in my late 20s) and have come a long way. I'm in no way perfect and I know I make a lot of mistakes.
I've been married to my Partner(P) for roughly 9 years. The first few years of our relationship were not good ones and I can't imagine why they stayed. But they stuck by me through the terrible parts and I love them SO much for that. This is one of the main reasons why I've been working so hard on myself, along with self improvement, etc. I want to show them they're worth every bit of time and effort.
Things have certainly been much better than they were and P is also a great part of why because they've been working on themself and we're learning to work well with each other. (I don't know if P agrees things have been much better, but I digress.)
So, here's the situation:
Because of the way I grew up I have a hard time telling the tone of someone's voice. I often hear something being said to me as sarcastically or angrily even when it's not and I can't easily tell the differences between sad and angry. The worst part is that this is also for my *own* tone. When I'm overly emotional I can't tell what I sound like. This can make P feel like my words are being said with sarcasm, or malice, when they aren't. In the past I would at times use sarcasm and malice during arguments too, so that probably makes it even harder to tell.
The problem I'm having is that I've become so much more skilled at calming down and talking rationally, but my still-apparently-angry tone makes that hard for P to believe. When I'll apologize to them for hurting them, they'll tell me I don't sound sincere no matter how sincere I meant it. When I admit my wrongs, my angry tone leads them to believe I'm blaming them for the argument, even when I'm not.
I do my best to try to understand where P is coming from. I'm not trying to invalidate their side of things or make this a them vs me issue. We've had a *lot* of conversations on this topic over the years and I know it's not fair to expect them to be able to see past my tone. I'm not trying to say they're the asshole in this situation, so please don't pin them as one.
It's just very frustrating to me that I can be pushing myself far beyond my comfort zone to apologize or admit I'm wrong only to be told I'm not sounding sincere. I've asked P before to not instantly question that sincerity because of my tone as it really hurts me, but I'm usually reminded that they have a right to ask. I generally agree with them on that kind of thing so I've been letting it go.
Last night we got into an argument. When I was calm I apologized to P only to be told I didn't seem very sincere, so I became frustrated with myself. We kept talking, but at some point my tone must have changed. I made sure to tell them their feelings were valid, before I tried to explain my point of view and what they had done to hurt me.
Due to my tone P assumed that I was blaming them and when I tried to explain that I wasn't, they didn't believe me. I told them it wasn't fair to assume what I meant, especially because we'd talked about my struggles with coming across properly in the past. P informed me that they weren't 'assuming', they were basing their opinion on my tone. I started getting even more frustrated and I knew I was reaching a bad point, so I cut off communication again.
This happened two more times before we went to bed. Both times, when P would question my sincerity, I would become hurt and frustrated. Both times, when I asked P to stop questioning me because of my tone as I've explained I know I'm not coming across well, and the repeated disbelief is *really* hurting me, they told me they had a right to.
I want to note: I agree with them. They DO have a right to question if I'm being sincere and they ARE allowed to ask me.
I'm wondering... AITA for expecting them to stop when asked?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
bCfqiXzIzcZ7QJZah3aOb10g3RcHnSNf
|
b2thrh
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give my coworker a ride home from work",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give my coworker a ride home from work
|
I work as a janitor at my local theater with a group if 3 others. I've worked with all of them very close and we've become good friends. But I'm the only one who drives. One rides their bike, one takes the bus or Lyft, and the final one gets a ride to and from but sometimes walks to work and gets picked up after.
Now I'm not saying I never give him a ride, because I have a few times in the past. As well as my coworker who takes Lyft. I've offered to give them rides whenever I'm able to and my car has the gas. But I live in the opposite direction of this guy. It's like an extra 45 minutes added on to my already 20 minute drive home. I wouldnt be too upset if it was every few weeks or so. But he constantly asks for rides every other day. He also doesnt pay me back in gas money. Which would make the whole situation null.
So the other day he asked me for a ride home because his ride would be about 10 minutes late. In my head I rolled my eyes and tried to come up with some BS story. I told him that I had to get home because my brother needed the car (that's not a truly fake lie because my brother borrows my car sometimes, today just wasnt one of those days) he shrugged and kind of lowkey begged but I was persistent. This happens about 3 or 4 times a week whenever I work with him
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
sQB2j4MHX2PlCpBOht69kQaQONat9Jsl
|
b0avru
|
{
"description": "getting mad at a coworker",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at a coworker.
|
Am I the Asshole for getting mad at work.
First off I'm a contractor for the Army doing Reset on Helicopters. I handle mainly Ground Support Equipment meaning that I pick up and do pre operational checks on generators, hydraulic equipment, etc.
A large part of my job consists of sitting and waiting until I'm needed. This makes quite a few workers upset as I'm relatively new and make nearly as much as they do, when they spend all day inside and around the Helicopters.
I've tried to be understanding to a point knowing I'm the new guy and that my job is relatively easy compared to theirs.
Today however someone came in to check out some of the Ground Support Equipment and went to my co worker whose been training me to check it out.
So far understandable.
My coworker points at me and says "That's Csgodandy's job ask him."
The guy trying to check it out looks at me and says "This mothafucka he doesn't known anything help me out man. Just Check out the stand."
My coworker just points at me and shakes his head.
The guy repeats "Come on man this muthafucka doesn't do anything."
I stepped in knife hands out (military thing done for dominance like pointing with all for fingers) and said. "Mothafucka?! If you want that stand you're going come over here and I'm going to sign it out to you otherwise you aren't getting it.
The guy looks at me and say. "Uh uh you aren't speaking to me that way." (Ignoring his earlier curses) then goes quiet and attempts to ignore me.
I walk away with the folder and cards he needs to sign out a piece of gear, and he goes wait I need that pre-op card.
I hand him what he needs and he goes to pre-op.(I'm not going to hold up operations for something petty.)
When he comes back he hands me the card and I sign it and the stand out.
He says "Are we good?"
And I say "Ya. We're good. Just need a little respect I do an important job even if it looks like I'm not doing much. (When it looks like I'm not needed I've done my job right)
He says "If your job was important you wouldn't be so insecure about it."
I bit my tounge at that point and just let him walk away.
Should I have just held my tounge all together? I think I was right to bark back. "Hold my ground" but I feel awful his last comment really cut to the core.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
8aburZG5Hvj7AbkO6HLlRy483W6d382p
|
aon88z
|
{
"description": "struggling through a break up and reaching out to friends for support",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for struggling through a break up and reaching out to friends for support?
|
Broke up with gf of 2 years after persistent advice and insight on the unhealthy state we were in. As someone with clinical depression it crushed me. Fast forward a few weeks, a peer says she likes me, we go out on a date, and a few days later, her and my other close friend yell at me for “talking too much about my ex, looking for too much support, and being an asshole”, but I have no awareness that I did any of that. Both insist I made some kind of mistake and I need to do more than apologize, and are incredibly defensive whenever I talk to them. I’m wondering because both are really close friends and I want judgement on what I did wrong, if anything.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
dqxNl4rpyjVnnYZmYxBFLr5U8AJPvWhZ
|
aouh20
|
{
"description": "giving my friend a loan when she was broke, though she said she doesnt want coz she can't pay back soon",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for giving my friend a loan when she was broke, though she said she doesnt want coz she can't pay back soon?
|
[I've been rewriting this post to add details for a few hours. Finally posting, after debating if I should or shouldn't. And created a new Reddit account to keep myself anonymous]
Background: The friend in this story, "X" and I have been friends since we were in first grade. She was my first best friend. We were school mates, and hung out on and off. When she got married we were very close. And when she went through a divorce a few years ago, and I've been at her side through that. Mid last year, I made a major life changing move, and I've been spending time alone to heal and relax. Therefore, my friends (she included) assumes I'm mad at them or something.
Timeline:
August 2018 - I lent some money to X. She was jobless and broke at that time. While we were hanging out, she mentioned just how broke she was and couldn't pay her bills. I felt like lending that money would help her out. She refused the money saying she won't be able to pay back the next month. I gave it nonetheless, saying to pay me back when she gets a job. She thanked me and was happy.
September - nothing eventful
October - X got a job middle of the month, which means she gets half salary by the end of the month. She messaged me and told me that she would like to pay for some other stuff, and asked if it's okay if she pays from her November salary (which she will get before 1st December). I said okay, since I was doing okay financially.
November - Nothing eventful
December - 1st went by and she didn't pay.. and I didn't ask. I needed the money for January due to medical reasons. I asked her somewhere in mid December if she can pay by January 1st, from her salary. However, she tells me she did not get paid in November. She even showed screenshots of her conversation with her HR manager, which I didn't ask her for. I postponed by medical thing.
January mid - I wasn't feeling well and really needed to show the doctor. I didn't have enough money for tests, therefore I asked again about the money. She showed more screenshots. I said it's okay. And I worried about the salary for her sake. I borrowed from my family to show the doctor.
January almost end - X informed me that she has quit the job. I was surprised. I asked her what happened, and she said she wasn't "feeling it" at the job. That has been the excuse for the last two years, with jobs and relationships (since she got divorced). Once again I said okay, because at this point again I was financially okay (since I got my salary plus a bonus) and didn't desperately need that money.
February 3rd-ish - X messages and asks me why I'm distant. She asked if she did something wrong. I was at work, and couldn't respond immediately, which sent her on a messaging spree. It went from "I miss hanging out with you?" to "I didn't ask you to give me that money, you forced it on me" in just an hour. I had turned my phone on silent, to avoid being distracted. After work, I messaged her and explained to her that I was unable to respond as I was at work and busy. I also apologized to her for not hanging out with her, and explained to her that I needed alone time lately which had nothing to do with money. She still pressed on the money part, saying that it wasn't nice of me to force the money on her when she didn't ask for it. I simply apologized, and haven't spoken/texted since
I feel terrible, I've been thinking over this for the last couple of days. It reminded me of how my sister treated me regarding a loan (short version: she wanted the money asap when I was jobless). Because of it, I promised myself two things 1. Never borrow from her 2. If I'm lending money, not to be an asshole like she was. And I feel like in this situation she feels I forced the money on her.
So, dear Reddit.. am I the asshole here?
...
Tl;dr: Gave money to friend for her bills, while she said no coz she can't pay back soon. Asked her to pay back when she gets job. She gets job. She said need more time. She quits job. She tells me she never asked me to lend her the money anyway. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
0kUNsswRv5yx8Ul2AcZvb4hTZSI0cUGH
|
a3jqpq
|
{
"description": "abandoning someone really important to me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for abandoning someone really important to me?
|
So I dated this girl for 5 months and we barely had time to hang out and I knew it wasn't going to last long, we also kept it tight under covers so no one really knew about it. About a month ago she decided to hang out with another guy when we hadn't hung out for a month and it caused a fight that she didn't handle right (she told me to shut up and not talk to her for the rest of the day, I am the kind of person that wants to talk through things and figure out why it happened) so we were cold for a week and we decided it wasn't going to work out between us and broke up. We decided that we would stay best friends with a basis of trust, honesty and respect.
Although we decided that she never really spoke her mind with me and started ignoring me and barely let me know anything. She said that her ignoring me wasn't her intention when I told her about it.
Fast forward to a few days ago I found out from one of our mutual good friends that he is dating her and has been doing so for 2 weeks now and that he liked her while we were still dating and that she also liked him while we were still dating. He and I were good friends before I started dating her and he also has been good friends with her for 2 years before I even knew her.
I talked with him a little and we got into an argument about different views and I just left him on read and haven't spoken to her since then, I have also been ignoring her while around her in person.
He believes that she deserves to be happy and that nothing should hurt her and cause her unnecessary stress. On the contrast I believe that she should confront her bad decision making throughout our time apart and take responsibility for totally disregarding trust, honest and respect. I also believe that she should grow up and become a strong person in herself where as he wants her to stay protected from the world.
AITA?
I'm sorry if it's kind of confusing for anyone, I'm pretty confused myself at this point.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
rOuqKlmBtzMMFfRFoECvbA8CVjGwq36S
|
asln0r
|
{
"description": "thinking my (now ex) boyfriend was selfish",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking my (now ex) boyfriend was selfish?
|
(Maybe important to note, we're both gay guys)
So a bit of backstory, recently my boyfriend left me for the sake of his mental health - basically he has anxiety and the relationship was making it worse because I'm not exactly in the best space mentally - and I thought that was all fine and good, however, he then got annoyed with me for telling my friends about it, he posted on his Instagram "yes, me and redacted broke up, if he's allowed to talk about it I am."
One of my friends tried to talk to him about it, basically saying he was being to blunt with everything (the same day as the break up, before it actually happened though, I had been pretty upset yet he refused to talk to me) and he understood why we broke up but he could've tried to be nicer about it. I started to think my ex was being selfish, however since it was for mental health issues I'm not sure.
Tl;dr: my boyfriend left me because our relationship was damaging to his mental health, he then went on to be annoyed when I told my friends about it, and one of my friends messaged him calling him selfish for not caring how I was feeling.
I was sure he was just being selfish yesterday, however now I'm not so sure.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
ha8Xfs5QEPMPcRSEKfe0469AVMOuWOh3
|
a4r64b
|
{
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to go to my extended family's Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my boyfriend to go to my extended family’s Christmas
|
We have been together on and off for around two years and together consistently for a year. I’d like to say that the relationship is getting pretty serious, as we have been talking about moving in with each other soon. He wants to enlist in the military and then get married after basic training. I go to every single family event he invites me to, but he seems to have absolutely no interest in getting to know anyone in my extended family. Over the years he has got more comfortable with my grandparents and brother (my parents aren’t around.) and is getting them gifts but still won’t talk to them. I have 3 Christmas gatherings I usually go to, my house, my grandma’s side, and my Grandpa’s side. He has agreed to go my house for Christmas but absolutely refuses to go to my extended family’s Christmas gatherings, even after I said that I just wanted to stay for 20 minutes at most. He says that he feels uncomfortable around them because his family doesn’t have big gatherings for Christmas. I understand that, but I feel like he should at least make an effort to meet my family because the relationship has gotten so serious. I told him that I didn’t want to take any steps further into our relationship unless he made an effort to meet my family. He says that it’s unfair of me to try and force him to meet them by me saying I didn’t want to marry him until at least meets them, but I just feel like he isn’t taking this serious enough.
AITA for not wanting to take the relationship any further until he meets my family?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
wppY9shvBH35X96JLUg5sLbcHsU6C6Tu
|
a2b386
|
{
"description": "wanting an apology for rude and sexist jokes during dinner from my SO's family, even though my meal was paid for",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting an apology for rude and sexist jokes during dinner from my SO’s family, even though my meal was paid for?
|
I recently went out to dinner with my SO, his parents who were in town visiting, his BIL, and the BIL’s friend. This was my first time meeting the BIL and friend, and let me tell you it was not a great first impression.
My SO and I arrive and the friend introduces himself by asking for “a hug from the lady, always gotta hug the ladies.” I am already mildly uncomfortable because I’m sorta weird about physical contact and to me, hugs are reserved for trusted and loved family and friends, not some dude who is basically a stranger to me. I just kind of go with it because I don’t want to look cold or rude right off the bat.
We wait for our food. The family doesn’t see the BIL too often since he lives far away (he just happened to be in town for an event), and the topics they’re talking about aren’t things I know much about or can relate to (one of these topics is a motorcycle event they enjoy going to, and based on their stories I’m now aware BIL is basically enabled to ride drunk without anyone trying to at least encourage him not to...fantastic). I’m also kind of a quiet person by nature and it usually takes me a while to open up to people, especially meeting others in groups. I do a lot more listening than talking until the BIL asks me to introduce myself. I start trying to tell him a little about myself, like what I’m majoring in, etc and he starts teasing me for being too quiet. Ok I’m used to it, I’ve been hearing the same lame jokes since elementary school and I don’t let it phase me. Every time I try to get a word out though, he keeps cutting me off with “speak up, what are you so quiet for?” and “why do you talk so fast?” I’m getting a little annoyed at this point because I’m pretty sure he can hear me and is just being a smartass. I try to play it off with a lame joke back and then just kind of give up and let the conversation flow elsewhere. Probably worth mentioning that he was considerably drunk at this point.
Then, BIL looks at my SO and says something akin to “I bet she’s the perfect wife because she never talks back when you argue.” This gets a laugh out of SO’s father and the friend, and the three of them start bantering about it. The jokes devolve into getting very nasty very quickly. “Everything from the waist down, no just a torso with legs and boobs, now that’s the perfect woman. Just like a mannequin. Just like...” I’ve tried blocking most of it out from my mind but, ewww. This went on for probably a straight 5-10 minutes. I’m used to crass humor from SO’s father but nothing **that** bad, and I definitely felt like it was directed at me. Anxiety got the better of me and in the moment I couldn’t think of any way to shut it down or defend myself without ether inviting more crude jokes, being rude and stooping to their level, or risking looking like an “offended snowflake”.
SO’s mom at least stood up to them after they picked on her for being on her phone during dinner (which according to her was both for her busy job and to drown out the crude conversation). She flipped them off and they all laughed about it her included, and I guess that made me feel slightly better but not much because it was still mostly being enabled.
We eat dinner and I’m anxiously waiting to leave. After hugging everyone through gritted teeth (yes, including the friend at his insistence of a “goodbye hug,” barf), SO and I drive home. I tell him how upset and uncomfortable I felt during the whole experience, and how I wished he had done more to stand up for me. His response is that he understands where I’m coming from and is sorry it turned out that way, but that I need to be my own person and defend myself instead of always relying on him. I decide that’s completely fair, but I still wanted an apology from his family for acting so rudely. He had to drive his parents to the airport the next morning so I ask him to tell his father that I want an apology (I don’t really see much point in contacting the BIL because he doesn’t regularly stay in touch with my SO and because he probably wouldn’t even remember half of it even though he was the worst offender). I have had other frustrating situations with the family in the past but this is the only time I have ever tried pursuing it farther because I genuinely felt that my line had been crossed.
His father wasn’t sorry at all. It was a textbook “sorry you feel that way” response. According to him the jokes “weren’t about me,” he didn’t feel that he or anyone else at the table did anything wrong, and I was being entitled for having a problem with it when they paid for my meal and when I “ordered something different from the rest of the table.”
I know this is where some people might call me out for burying the lede since I mentioned it in the title and didn’t bring it up again, and that’s a completely fair assessment as long as you’ve read this far. Yes they paid for my meal, and maybe I’m at fault for that. This was not a fancy establishment in case that’s relevant, it was a family friendly casual dining/sports pub place (not Buffalo Wild Wings, but similar enough). Most of the table ordered wings to share. I got something cheap and small appetizer-sized because I always feel kind of gross after eating the wings there. I wasn’t the only one with a different/modified order though. BIL had to get an order modification due to a food allergy, and the friend ordered his own special boneless wings too, all on one check. If everyone else had gotten normal wings I would have probably just sucked it up, and SO had even encouraged me to get something different if I wanted so I figured there wouldn’t be any bad feelings if I did. Also, if I’d known they were planning to drink, I would have probably just stayed home and let them have family time, so I feel like it was kind of unfair to not be told in advance and then be expected to entertain people who had been drinking (SO and I aren’t typically social drinkers, and his parents know this). They also had borrowed a charger from me earlier in the week that cost more than my meal and I still haven’t gotten it back... maybe that’s just me being petty though.
Overall, I felt disgusted at the dinner conversation material and even disappointed that a family member SO often talked fondly of ended up being so obnoxious upon actually meeting them. SO tried to persuade me to call his father myself to talk things out and stand up for myself, but I just didn’t see the point anymore if he already thought my feelings were invalid and so I wasn’t going to bother demanding a fake apology. I still feel lousy and cheated though. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
3xOWFTR7cJEbNRk5lKUMMewH4TC0bI7q
|
adfaft
|
{
"description": "making my roommate take a separate uber if he wants to party with me and my friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For making my roommate take a separate uber if he wants to party with me and my friends?
|
So I've known my roommate (Male, who shall be known as RM) for over a year now, and I'd say we are pretty good friends. The college I goto has frats that rarely throw parties allowing guys in, so these parties are kinda a big deal for me and my friends. However, the caveat is that you need a good ratio of girls in your group to get in.
​
Me and my best friend (Male, known forward as BFF) are planning to go along with our female friends. My RM also wishes to go, but BFF says that this would throw the ratio off, and would probably squander our chances of getting in. BFF says that I should tell RM to take a separate uber there with his own group if he wants to go.
​
But I know that RM doesn't have a lot of girl friends of his own, and probably is too shy to go into a party by himself. I agreed with BFF about this plan but I feel guilty as though it is kinda shitty to my RM. Even though my RM isn't my first choice for a party animal buddy, I still see him as a good friend and he would probably be a bit disappointed I'm not letting him go in with my group.
​
But then again my BFF is right that frats parties at my college keep a strict ratio and even adding in one more guy can risk our chances of getting in. AITA for picking a party over my RM's feelings by making him uber separately with his own friends?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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RIGHT
|
SfLirat7jFdeT5wmgAtnCwyysUVzbmEa
|
atyv8w
|
{
"description": "being upset with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset with my friend?
|
My friend and I met 5 years ago and were quite close friends. When I applied for my job, I told my friend to do so as well (same degree, skillset) and we both got it, and have been working together for around 8 months.
Until the start of January, we would meet up for lunch or see each other every so often, and it was all fine, and then he suddenly got 'really busy' (As I was told by a coworker) and then just dropped off all contact with me. I would text him to see how he was doing and he would just not reply.
I figured he was busy, but was annoyed that he didn't bother letting me know at all. It was my birthday was yesterday, and nothing from him still, which kind of hurts.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
OpysFXd2E0fdvGGvoj8VxQcSoEkW15WE
|
b8pmb8
|
{
"description": "hanging out with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hanging out with my friends?
|
I currently live with my grandma. She’s great, but she’s very overbearing and controlling. She constantly goes through my stuff, and won’t let me do things kids my age do, such as get my licence. Yes, my grandma still drives me around.
I like to get out of the house and hang out with friends. I didn’t get the opportunity as much as a kid, but now that I’m in high school, I have a lot more friends and more times to hangout.
However, my grandma think I don’t pay enough attention to her and she says I’m very distant with her.
It makes me feel shitty, but I just want to get away from her chaos and craziness. Should I just stay in the stressful environment that is my grandma?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1113NiAot9tsuqeI5XX6SC1LbiPVT6SC
|
9yzybs
|
{
"description": "asking an african-american grocery store employee if he had Friday off",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA if I asked an African-American grocery store employee if he had Friday off?
|
I was at the local grocery store and the cashier seemed to be real chatty because I had a local sports team hat on. He asked me about the football game on Thursday etc. So as I was about to leave I asked him if he had Friday off. He said, nope it's a normal day for us, why do you ask? So instinctively I said that he should have it off because it's black Friday. The demeanor on his face immediately changed and he told me to have a nice day in a serious tone.
Is this a major faux pas or am I missing something?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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AUTHOR
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1aq8kNNemSJ9DMsRraNQ0ayKfmvoh9Yq
|
b9br3s
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend her make up looks bad",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I told my girlfriend her make up looks bad?
|
My gf has been experimenting with make up / a more aggressive (her words not mine) look. She usually asks me for her opinion (I don't really know how to answer, I always think she looks great), she tried something different recently and I don't think it looks good...but what do I know, it could be great - do I tell her what I think?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Rsew3gQPbI2M3Pxf0zNIxOCknK4v54YX
|
aqchny
|
{
"description": "getting upset at people who get so competitive at adult recreational sports",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting upset at people who get so competitive at adult recreational sports!?
|
Ok so adults here... playing a sport when your an adult can be fun right!? I find It so annoying when people get so worked up over a little friendly competition. What are your thoughts!?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
WRONG
|
4iaXl0pHd6G4K6vTgaZgVxaSO0w6oEAp
|
b7zr4k
|
{
"description": "not being excited about friend's new relationship while I'm going through heartbreak",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not being excited about friend’s new relationship while I’m going through heartbreak?
|
I was hanging out with a girlfriend earlier tonight. She and I both met someone around the same time and have been dating them this whole time. For her, it worked out. They are in a committed relationship now. Tonight, she talked about how he almost said “I love you” to her.
While this is lovely news, she absolutely deserves this relationship, I’m truly happy for her, I found myself not being able to express excitement in the moment because me and my guy are drifting apart. I realized I was way more invested than he was, and overall feel extremely rejected and even heartbreak. I was led to believe that him and I were really working out and I was happy to have met someone who was actually good until I found out that he doesn’t share the same enthusiasm as me.
There was a awkward moment because I wasn’t as giddy as she was when she was telling me her happy news. I really wanted to let her know that deep down I am happy for her. But the issue between me and my guy is super fresh so I haven’t had much time to heal and all I could think about in the moment was how badly I wish that was me and my guy.
I know that as a friend, I need to be there with my friends for the good times and the bad, but AITA for not being excited with her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
E0NLTE74rf2RcG3kLJzgzRHud39wRUuX
|
b3i9ci
|
{
"description": "being (mildly) upset my girlfriend ordered delivery and got me something I dislike and wouldn't eat",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being (mildly) upset my girlfriend ordered delivery and got me something I dislike and wouldn't eat
|
Background: I hate American cheese and I hate mustard. Absolutely hate em, I think because they're unnaturally yellow.
Anyway, my girlfriend (whom I've lived with for over a year and 1/2) has a habit of having food delivered without asking what I would like. She'll just order for me, which is fine most of the time. But every time (okay it's only like 3 times) she's ordered me a burger it's had cheese and mustard. I end up not eating the burger and finding something else. Which is okay, but I told her each time why I wasn't eating what she ordered me. The third, and most recent burger, had mustard, cheese, and mayo (gross). I was a tiny bit upset and asked her something like "do you not think about whether I will like something before you order?" She apologized and that was that.
But, it's been bugging me, AITA for being upset she ordered me food that will just end up in the trash?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
vt2fd8NQcx7rQy8ewETi3mQO2NRwnvNu
|
akjs28
|
{
"description": "not helping my cousin clean my moms basement",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not helping my cousin clean my moms basement?
|
(Mobile Formatting)
This happened awhile ago but I didn’t know this sub existed so I’m going to ask it now.
I am 16 and don’t have an siblings, when I was around 10 or 11 my cousin stayed with my family for awhile and basically became my stand in sibling and I still view him as more of a brother then a cousin. I currently still live at home and my cousin will visit once in awhile and because he’s in college and short on cash my mom always offers him a job to do that doesn’t necessarily need to be done but my mom could care less and offers to pay him for it.
Whenever this happens I always get roped into helping him but I also don’t get any of the cash. So I do 50% of the work and he gets around $70. The last time this happened my mom wanted him to clean our crawl space in the basement and of course he said yes. I once again was asked to help but in (what I meant to be) a lighthearted and joking manner said no and something like “can I get $10?” Both of them laughed and my mom said no. I said I wasn’t feeling like helping and my mom said ok (it didn’t start and argument or anything they both said it was fine).
Immediately after my cousin left my mom told me I was acting rude and entitled for not helping. I said that I didn’t mean to come across that way but I didn’t see why I should help when he is getting paid for the job. She yelled at me but wouldn’t give me an explanation as to why what I said was rude and entitled. Then she called me an asshole when I told her that I would actually like to know why I sounded like that so I don’t come across that way again.
AITA?
Also, I posted this on r/ask when it happened and ended up deleting it because I was just getting downvoted and not getting any explanation. I am fully willing to except that I may have been the asshole here, but I really would like to understand why.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
QIaFg1ucGuTuJJhNo5Zdgzj7a7pmlhwz
|
avvv6h
|
{
"description": "telling someone they were being shittalked about",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA to tell someone they were being shittalked about?
|
TLDR: do you tell someone that they were being shittalked if you and them already don’t like the shittalker?
I’m a very honest person and I feel like everything is a lot more simple if you tell people what you think about them, but sometimes I overstep my boundaries by telling other people what other people think about them. I feel like when I’m being talked about I wanna know what’s said, yeah?
Anyway, there’s this annoying girl (AG) in the year below me who always comes up to me and tries to be friendly to me but it’s just way too much. She dated a girl in the year below her (YG) back in middle school and they still hold a grudge I guess. I found out they had beef from YG. I’m not really friends with either of them but I’m more friends with YG, who was the one who told me about the beef first.
Today AG was being as disrespectful of personal space as usual, and she says “you wanna hear some tea? YG? I dated her in middle school. She’s annoying. She hasn’t changed”. I refrained from telling her that YG feels the same about her, but I’m debating on telling YG what her ex said.
Let me know how you would approach this, since YG and I have kinda bonded over shared experiences with crazy exes and not liking AG.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
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EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
16nNleCRD2PvBiH8sFj8FmA1NzlDB3yW
|
afpeb3
|
{
"description": "not helping this guy smile",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
Aita for not helping this guy smile?
|
Aita here? I posted this to r/rant first and as I was typing it all out I started wondering if I should have been more understanding based on the fact thar he clearly has issues. So here it is. Mods delete if I didn't follow all the rules.
So, I work in a convenience store and this guy came in with his friends one time. I vaguely remember it but apparently I stood out because he called the store a week or so later and asked me out. This should have been a red flag, but I was kinda flattered by the whole thing. Things like that don't happen to me, ya know?
Things were ok for a couple weeks. He seemed a little down on his luck but I've been there and I get it. We hung out a few times and talked or texted every day. On NYE I sent a happy NYE text and then.....radio silence. For about a week. I sent another text like are you ghosting me? Seriously?
He texts and says I'm going thru something I haven't talked to anyone in a week. I was pretty pissed at this point and said you could have at least acknowledged the message. Thumbs up or whatever. He said don't tell me how to cope.
Here's where things really go south. I got really angry at that because I've had my own depression issues that I'm still battling back from. He's aware of this. I fired back an angry message saying I wasn't telling you anything other than it's pretty rude to let a text sit for a week without response. He calls on the phone and is trying to talk me into meeting up later at 1130pm or so. I just started mgmt training at my job and I go in at 530 am so of course I said no. He hangs up. I sent a message saying I was sorry he was going through it and I hoped he felt better soon. Figured that would be the end of it.
He messages back saying I hope so too that's why I wanted to see you so I could smile again. I responded that since I got off early the next day I might be able to do a late lunch and I'd let him know. He says only if you fix it(!) because I lost my job in this week that I haven't talked to anyone (duh).
Next day after work I hit the grocery store and felt a migraine coming on. Not a huge shock as I been having vision issues while waiting for a new pair of glasses to arrive. Went home and got pretty sick but managed to send an I'm sick have migraine text before I passed out. An hour after that went out he asks if I'm feeling better. At 1130 the same night am I up (I was not). Next morning (yesterday) at about 930 he says he will stop bothering me (I was at work). I work a second job on weekend nights and last night about 1130 he sends me a message saying he can't believe I didn't touch base. I'm so over it at this point and I let it sit til I got home and said sorry, but my life doesn't revolve around you.
Had the day off today so I woke up late to 4 or 5 messages telling me how rude I am and I only care about myself and all my talk but I blatantly blew him off. I said fine, I'm a selfish person who blew you off. Leave it at that and leave me alone. He called me a cu** and said he was going to call my job and complain about me.
So aita? Should I have been more patient? I know when I was in the thick of my depression I would have acted alot like this. But only with close friends whom I've known forever. I've only known this guy a month.....
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
6C2MvaxWrbFBFkvPAtJR7ozMbQmIJwlq
|
9wc42u
|
{
"description": "making fun of a coworker for continually messing up at work",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For making fun of a coworker for continually messing up at work
|
So I work with a guy who it seems like every other weekend he does something that is jaw dropping worthy... For example; We work in management and about a month ago he forgot his phone was still on after a phone call with another manager. We both heard him talking to a union colleague and bashing the manager he was just on the phone with. We called him out for it, and then continually make comments about it for the weeks moving forward.
This past weekend we were in a situation where we could let union colleagues leave early.. If you know anything about a union shop, seniority 50 should get to leave earlier than seniority 500. This co worker of ours decides its a good idea to flip a coin for the two colleagues to see which one should leave. The 500 seniority colleagues wins the coin toss and my co worker lets him leave over the higher seniority colleague. As soon as we heard it we were all like WTF..... You cant do that... We continue at every opportunity to make a joke now about how for every decision we'll just flip a coin... Even when it doesnt make sense... Flip a coin? And the other managers laugh... Our co worker that makes these decisions makes them knowing the rules.. Hes been in the job for years.. AITA for continuing the joke?
TLDR; coworker makes big decision with a coin toss and then thinks its fine. We make fun of him for it at every possible opportunity.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
ZJzDt6iWuPeEW07hZs122rI71xA0DuXb
|
a9qfmm
|
{
"description": "kicking my (then) girlfriend out",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for kicking my (then) girlfriend out?
|
Some back story:
Her and I had been together for about 4 years, and in general they were a pretty happy 4 years with a few arguments here and there. The thing that gave me hope is that we always resolved an argument within a day and never went to bed without settling things.
Right before we moved in together, I asked how her credit was and she told me it was good and there wouldn't be any problems. After submitting the pease application, I find out that she has a accrued a massive amount of debt, and all of it in store cards and extraneous purchases. I also found out she had a pretty major binge-eating problem which explained her weight gain over the past year (around 75 pounds).
We agreed to work together to fix these things. At the time she made more money than I did but we agreed to pay 50/50 on the rent and bills.
This didn't end up happening, since she continued her spending habits even after I attempted to help get her out of debt by paying the rent and bills while she got to steadier financials. Things got worse, and I became emotionally and physically distant. I'll also admit I became overly critical of her which put further strain on things.
After about 6 months of this, and her telling me the spending was under control, I get curious and decided to snoop one night. It turned out nothing had changed, and she kept those cards she said she had previously closed and maxed them out again. I kicked her out back to her parents after this.
We kept in contact afterward, and I was adamant that though we could try to work through our problems, it would be a long time before we could really try again. We weren't in a relationship, but still loved each other.
After a while of saving up, I went on vacation around Europe for a couple of weeks, and when I got back found out she had started seeing someone else. When I asked her about it, she said "he reminds me of you, and is just a cheap replacement that won't work out" and that they don't talk often. She badly wanted to see an exhibit at a local museum, so I took her one night. I noticed her acting shady, constantly texting someone when I wasn't looking and taking random bathroom breaks every half hour or so. I knew something was up, so I snooped on our joint cell phone account and found she had texted him around 50 times while we were at the museum. When I confronted her, she said she only messaged him maybe twice before showing her the logs. Things weren't going well, and I should have cut things off then. But I couldn't imagine life without her.
Times goes on, and we get closer again. We make love. Not just sex but really open, loving sex. She says no one can replace me. When I ask her to stop talking to the new guy though, she refuses. Things eventually come to a point, where I give her the ultimatum. She chooses the new guy, for the reason that we have too rough a history to fix and she wants a new start.
I don't react well to this. I say some nasty things, about how I supported her through college, how I tried to help her with her binge eating and spending issues, but she's choosing instead to escape her problems and run with someone else. I tell him what she told me, how she only sees him as a younger version of me when we first began dating. What her problems were, and what to expect from her.
I'm not proud of the last portion. I reacted out of anger and emotion and debased myself.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
UqE0yilpsae0EC0svPCpKXa14o4iPeSM
|
ak03jb
| null |
AITA usually saying no to hanging out with my friend group and then going out with someone else?
|
Hi... So I was/am part of a group of friends (we are all 17-19) but I was kinda getting tired of them (maybe i'm too sensitive..IDK) because I'd often (like 35% of the time?) come back from going out with a pretty shitty mood.
but they were my only friends so I never really had anyone else which made me feel kinda lonely.
So I kinda started going out less and less with them and there was this guy lets call him Guy A who was also cut contact with them (but completely) so I started going out with him more often.
Also I should say they kinda hate guy A now..
Now....I DO like some of the guys in my friend group but they are a little sensitive...(I think).
Also I told one of them about the enitre situation which only made him invite me more and more lol.
So for example last night both of them offered me to go out and I declined them both.
But then after an hour I changed my mind and called Guy A and went out with him.
Well just when we are going back home they see us and...well now they kinda hate me for it.
This isnt the first time this had happened and I always get blamed for being an asshole.
TL;DR: said no to everyone then changed my mind and went out with another dude they "caught us" and called me an asshole for lying.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
eLsMu4lOlqh8aNGUabK40SUaDBuJDlre
|
ase79m
|
{
"description": "getting frustrated at my gf",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting frustrated at my GF?
|
TL;DR - bottom
Little bit of background
So my SO (25F) and I (24M) have been together for two years, we have done everything together from vacationing to small trips to family functions and everything in between. I do love this girl to death and we are both doing very well for ourselves. We both have very steady high paying jobs, and currently live at home with our parents. (Toronto area)
About last year I started to look at purchasing a pre-development townhouse, which would have an estimated closing date of 1-3 years. So sign & pay builder payment structure of their choice (usually 10k increments over 30 day periods up to 60-70k). At this point I asked her if it she would be interested in looking together. The reply I got last year was no, which I was TOTALLY fine with, because let’s be honest we haven’t been together very long. I obviously would have liked an answer other than no, but at least I got a straight up answer that she is not ready to move out yet and is in no rush.
Fast forward to now, in December I got a puppy, which will be moving out with me when (IF) I decide to move out. She has taken to calling this puppy ours, which I’m totally fine with doesn’t bother me in the slightest.
She recently brought up the idea of looking, to my surprise I was quite happy to hear this and I began to look a little more seriously, know that we could afford more together and could get something nice. I ended up finding a builder that she knows about and likes. Upon me attempting to get the ball rolling on, say getting approved for a mortgage, or going to the sales centre to get some information from the builder and attempt to find out price breakdowns etc., this is where my frustration begins. Her response at this point is we will get the information and wait for the next release.
Fast forward to a release about a month ago, I bring up the idea of going and she says “maybe, I’ll see what my parents say.” So we get the information needed, (pricing, floor plans, payment, etc.).
At this point I’m thinking optimistically that now that we have this information we can start getting a little more serious.
The following TWO releases has now come and gone, prices are going up, and she continues to avoid the topic by saying things like “I have to talk to my parents” or completely changing the subject without even having a discussion about it.
I talk to her about the topic and ask her if it’s something she wants to do for real and the response I get is “yeah”.
I’m not pressuring her, I only bring it up because anybody who knows about the housing market in the Toronto area knows that it sucks.
If she gave me a flat out answer like “no I’m not ready to move out yet “ I would be happier. I would then know that it’s too soon and would either drop the topic or continue my search for something I could afford.
TL;DR
GF(25) brings up idea of buying house together, but she avoids the topic all together.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sQj8ZW9fDsklidjNZAbV2a2FmjB3qdJ6
|
aii7k0
|
{
"description": "complaining about my new neighbor's small child",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA for complaining about my new neighbor's small child
|
I am more than a little bit frustrated with my new neighbors. I live in a 4plex next to a big university. The area is mostly students, but my new neighbors have a small child. I don't really know anything about children but it walks and talks, but I don't think it goes to school, so whatever age that is? The neighbors are the unit next to mine so we share a front door entryway and a wall of our apartments line up. They seem nice, if maybe a bit weird. So far it's all been ok.
However, the kid makes a lot of high pitched screachy noises. It's so high pitched it could almost break glass and loud enough that I can hear it over my noise canceling headphones. My previous neighbors in that unit had a newborn baby and I literally never heard it cry, but I can hear this new kid several times a day. I called my mother and she said it's just normal happy child screaching and they just do that sometimes. I'm autistic and super sound sensitive as well as having migraine issue. I really miss the peace and quiet from my previous neighbors.
Would I be an asshole if I went to my new neighbors and asked them to keep their kid from squeeling? Or do kids just make that noise and can't be stopped so I have to live with it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
tKlwIj0GkhOnLZ3D3cS8K6jaltc4lClA
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a8eabj
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{
"description": "not wanting to go to a basketball game with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to a basketball game with my friends?
|
My friends and I are on a ski trip getaway. There is 5 of us, including me. The 4 of them wanted to go to a basketball game and get mid range tickets for about 120$ each. The three of them are basketball fanatics but I am not.
I don’t like sports too much, especially sporting events. Watching basketball, or any sport in general is not my forte. I don’t believe it is worth it for me to spend 120$ for something I won’t enjoy just so that we can be together.
I have never experienced a live basketball match but I don’t find it exciting to watch other people play a game. My friends keep saying how it’s a big game and it will be so exciting, but honestly I couldn’t care less about who is playing. Now they are pretty upset with me because I don’t want to go.
So I told them to go and I would find something to do until they are done. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aysr6a
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{
"description": "yelling at a teenager in Drivers Ed",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for yelling at a teenager in Drivers Ed?
|
So I (f32) am taking a Young Drivers course. A little late in life, but I didn't need a car when I was living in the city.
Last night was my last class. Let me tell you, spending time in a classroom setting with teenagers was a challenge. They're all really disruptive and annoying. But I've managed to keep my cool until last night.
It's a small classroom with a bathroom attached. On break, one of the kids started spraying a can of air freshener into the bathroom. he was using a lot. I was getting annoyed because air freshener is a very strong smell, especially in such a small room.
He started to get a bit of a laugh out of the class, so he proceeded to start emptying the entire can into the washroom.
Guys, I lost my shit. I started yelling at him to stop spraying the can, and to grow the fuck up. When he started to justify himself I kept cutting him off and telling him to put the can down. He finally did. And I turned back around and continued redditing.
I probably didn't have to yell. and I regret that I lost my cool. But I spent the rest of the night with a giant headache from that stupid smell. Teenagers suck.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
IvY73vPcQLP5rMXhYUgIoL042JIp8wcS
|
amvqg8
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{
"description": "cutting out my sister",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For cutting out my sister?
|
I have two sisters and two brothers. My oldest sister, 'Ella', is five years my senior. She's always been bossy and used to bully me, but since we were kids I would forgive it if it had stopped. When I speak to her online, she seems so chill, but whenever she's here with me she acts quite entitled.
Ella moved out to a really, really poor metropolitan area with her partner three years back knowing there were no jobs there. She makes posts all of the time about how awful life with us was, how terrible my parents are, how my mom was abusive. My mom was not abusive. She did have anger issues (she wasn't physical though - I think she slapped Ella *once* and then went to therapy forever afterwards), and she yelled at me a *lot,* but I was a brat and so was Ella. Even when making these posts, Ella would continuously ask my mother for money for food, rent, and car repairs. She had really, really specific requirements for any job she'd consider, so at the time she was unemployed. Of *course* my mother helped. She's not gonna let her kid starve.
Recently, I heard my mother crying in her room after one of these posts, and I confronted Ella about it. Ella claimed I had no right to judge her, that I had no idea what her circumstances were, that I was a bitch, and the thing I'm concerned about - that it was none of my business. Lately I've been thinking about it, and I'm not sure that it *is* my business. I want to defend my mom, but I don't know. Maybe I should keep my nose out of it. Am I really even helping my mom if all I'm doing is cutting Ella out?
I've blocked her on just about everything and coordinate my work/university schedule to avoid staying home when she's going to be there. I didn't intend to ever speak to her again, but as I'm reconnecting with my family it's come to my attention that she's gonna realize I'm avoiding her and probably feel hurt. She's already tried speaking to me over skype once, and she seemed to not realize I was still mad. Am I an asshole for cutting her out of my life?
Some context, literally everyone in the family has mental health problems except *maybe* Dad. I'm not saying that as justification or defamation, but it does kind of affect the context of the situation. Her problems are a lot worse than mine.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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YXPU4VJPLWtQLrs79EFIRLuMV0QYkyJn
|
af5xsz
|
{
"description": "faking a narcolepsy attack",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for faking a narcolepsy attack?
|
I'm narcoleptic. I've had it for around three years now, but just got the official diagnosis about a half a year ago. It makes a lot of things in my life very, very hard. But my friends don't seem to understand that.
When I first got it, I was sleeping around 20 hours a day. The cataplexy was so bad doctor's though my muscles had atrophied. I could barely lift my arms above my head. Since I was sleeping so much I couldn't eat as much, and I dropped down to 79 pounds (I'm 4'11, so it's scary but not like super life threatening). It's gotten better since then, but it still effects me greatly. A couple weeks ago I was hanging out with my friends and mentioned that the pharmacy fucked up my meds again and that I was genuinely worried about how I was going to handle myself until I got them back. I'm in college and I've already missed a lot of classes at this point because of my narcolepsy, even with my meds. Without them I cant function. One of my friends kinda laughs it off like "you'll be fine", another one says "just drink coffee".
A little bit before that, I had sat down individually with my friends and told them what to do if I had a narcoleptic attack in front of them, especially in public. I can kinda feel them coming on, so I'm very very good at sneaking off to have sleep attacks in private. Because of this, none of them had even seen me have a full blown attack. Anyways, I told them to help me get to somewhere safe and private, help me take my meds and let me sleep for around 15 minutes before trying to wake me up. Simple stuff.
So I was real sick of them not taking my illness seriously. They don't need to baby me or anything, just understand that sometimes shit is really hard for me and it's scary. I was hanging out at one of my friends places with some other people about a week ago, and I got an idea. I wanted to see if they actually listened to what I told them before. So I dramatically stood up and collapsed onto the floor (my real attacks arnt that flashy, since I know how to deal with them). My friends are confused. They don't know what to do, until one of them reminds the others I'm narcoleptic. So what do they do? Put a blanket over my body and leave me in the middle of the room. Fantastic. I stay down for 10 minutes maybe (trying hard not to actually fall asleep) before getting up and excusing myself home. It definitely made some of the people there uncomfortable.
I feel manipulative for pulling this 'test' on them.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
hq8Y2djBLJpPw1h9QxeubR9Efhq3YWjp
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9vci7z
|
{
"description": "\"not showing up\" and \"not seeing what I did wrong\"",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for "not showing up" and "not seeing what i did wrong"
|
So me and my "not really girlfriend" - we are mostly just having fun, but it‘s still more than like friends with benefits. Were at a party and she asked when i‘d come over the next time i told her that i could come whenever, and tomorrow i would have time after class which was about 1pm. So she was like, she thinks tomorrow would be nice but she needs to get some shit done and she will probably be finished before 1 but we should just write or talk on the phone to check for the time and what to do.
Fast forward to the next day: i crashed at a friends house, i went to class, went to eat sth with another friend after class and lost my phone in his car but didn’t notice till i was hlme. It was about 1pm and i didn’t have my phone. Dude with the car was at the gym and grocery shopping, so i only was able to reach out for him and get my phone back at 4pm, in that time i was studying. So when i had my phone back i checked it, no missed calls or anything just some texts and snaps, one of the texts being from her at 2pm: "When are you coming?".
So i thought like if she’s not calling or anything although we said that or to ask why i didn’t text i just thought i‘m just gonna finish my assignments and study some more. Took me till about 6pm, then i texted her that i‘m free now and i’m sorry that i didn’t write sooner cause my phone was in a friends car and she just started bitching around accusing me of lying to her and that i should just tell her the truth so i was being pissed as well. It ended up in her calling me a total asshole and i didn’t talk to her for the rest of the day and didn’t pick up the phone, but just showed up at hers at 10pm and gave her a call that i‘m here. We talked and i told her that i really didn’t have my phone and the only thing you could count as a lie was that i finished my assignments before reachin out for her and i‘m sorry for having her wait so long. So she went on saying that she has been waiting from 1pm till now (10pm) for me to show up and that was 9 hours of her day wasted and she could have done so much better stuff than sit around at home the whole day. So we were just givin each other shit and i was just trying to say we could have prevented this by communicating better but she didn’t want to get it.
That was 3 days ago and she‘s still giving me shit for it and telling me that "i really need to make up for this and i better do it fast" but i still think that i might did a little bit wrong, she did as well but her reaction is just a total overkill and it makes me so pissed at her right now.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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|
ateeqz
|
{
"description": "not rolling down my window & talking to the guy",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not rolling down my window & talking to the guy?
|
I (25m) had a very uncomfortable situation today and I feel really bad.
I had just come from a job interview, and while I feel it went well, I was still reeling with uncomfortable...ness as a result of the stress. I then went on an errand to a part of town I hadn't been to before (therefore making me extremely uncomfortable) while still wearing my nice clothes (which made me feel vulnerable given how thin and complex the clothes are and because I cant wear my usual gear with it like a multitool that I have as part of my self-defense plan).
The business I had been looking for had moved locations and I didn't know. There's still snow everywhere from the past few days and I'm in a part of town with busy traffic and it seemed to be a bit of a lower income area so I was feeling on edge and cold. I had to park somewhere really out of the way so it would be safe.
When I was leaving the parking lot, a gentleman who looked like he was looking for something was very oblivious to his surroundings and was in my way.
I waited politely and smiled after he realized I was behind him, as he moved out of my way, pulling up to the street (which would force me into very awkward traffic). Well the guy decided he wanted to talk to me and started to tap on the glass. African American gentleman, plain clothes, backpack, may or may not have been homeless, I couldn't tell. Seemed nice enough, just was NOT in any mood to talk.
I gave body language that I wasn't interested in talking to him (I had somewhere to be and felt cornered waiting for an opening in the traffic) by looking at the road and not at him, but he kept tapping. Someone waved me into traffic and I quickly pulled out while he was tapping on the glass (iirc).
AITA for not at least rolling down my window a bit and hearing what he had to say? I felt cornered and didnt know the area very well.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ZgAZXjtl7zU6jzmevgjnmBggeT1Y5adD
|
ac8r3x
|
{
"description": "calling a teller marketer back and accusing them of being a scam",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling a teller marketer back and accusing them of being a scam?
|
I often get calls from blocked numbers that I ignore. Sometimes these callers leave voicemails. Today, one such call promised yet again that I could get student loan forgiveness from Navient if I call them back. I called back and my first question was “do you represent Navient?”
When the answer was no, I immediately answered: “then you’re a scam, please stop calling me”. I hung up the phone.
A moment later, I get a call from a completely different number. I answer and it’s the guy I just hung up on. He yells at me “I have xxxx thousand clients. I am not a scam and before you call me that you should know that Navient is scamming you!!! And I don’t want you as a client!”
This backs nd forth went on for a few seconds as he insisted Navient has no obligation to let me know if I can have loan forgiveness and the Department I’d Wducarion won’t do t either. Blah blah blah.
I bet he’ll be calling me again.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
7Kr2SWqWbTAI0jMqpknnr7fva9y5sD5m
|
a0e9gu
|
{
"description": "canceling plans that were changed hours beforehand",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for canceling plans that were changed hours beforehand.
|
A friend and I had made plans just under a week ago to hang out today. About two hours beforehand he called me "asking" if a mutual acquaintance could join us. I spent a bit of time thinking about if I should begrudgingly go along with it to be polite, or decline which is what I would rather do.
I ended up declining and was then immediately asked why. It came down to me not wanting to and him demanding a reason. Then attempting to aggressively persuade me until I said "fuck it, fine."
I was then sent a text saying "i'm fine if you say no for a reason, but you cant just say no with nothing. It's just rude and highly annoys me.", out of frustration i replied "i dont give a fuck about being polite" and got "its rude and socially retarded if that makes it easier" back. I told him that I see no reason to make up excuses and was told "Then you have to have a reason."
Around this time my roommate and his girlfriend's ride had just arrived, and he asked me if i was sure i didn't want to come to the party that we had been invited to, but i had previously declined due to these plans. I decided to return the favor of sudden change and sent "im suddenly busy" and went with.
I decided this after considering that if I went along I would have been in a bad mood the entire time, and if I put my foot down then he would have been just as frustrated. Either way it seemed like a bad time and i bailed.
So reddit, who is the asshole. Cause i have a hunch we both suck.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
|
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WRONG
|
pBDHHG9mjmoHlk4JmwW84GLqvb2qtXDu
|
azolgb
|
{
"description": "getting hurt after my mom fussed at me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting hurt after my mom fussed at me?
|
Preface for this because this adds a ton of context: in depressed and anxious. Ever since last year I have been struggling to stop binge eating episodes, but each time I come home my weight gets higher. I promised my mom that I would lose the weight however I fell back into old patterns and struggles, but since I know my mom fusses at me if I let her know I'm struggling so I would like about what I was doing, and I feel like such a piece of shit right now
Onto what happened today and tonight
Today: I was walking and my mom caught up to me (we live in the country and this was our field) she then goes into me about how I'm a liar and all I do is waste my parents money, because I have this problem, I will die if I keep this up, and that I'm an asshole (tldr)
Tonight: before going to bed I had to put our dogs in bed, one of then got mad and bit my finger (I got in the way of her and a chew stick long after she was done) my mom then gets pissed at me having to go to her room, and putting medicine on a small wound (it was a small puncture that bled, and dog mouths are not the most sanitary places) I heard her fussing about how I'm not mature enough or anything. Then after the dogs get put into bed the she tells me that she wants to say good night. She then lays into me for 45 minutes, not yelling but in a reserved pissed tone
She then accuses me of several hurtful things
1. I'm using my depression and anxiety struggles to do what I want
2. That I'm wasting everyone's time (Liberty University requires a thing called CSER, service for 20 hours and because the start of the seimester was busy I was saving it for after spring break)
3. That I'm hurting everyone and being selfish.
I think I'm the asshole here, but I want to make sure
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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AzvltYpmmre55qEfuHKwdzjyWdyB4oW9
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akl4o7
| null |
AITA: I am constantly irritated with my roommate
|
Going to try to keep this anonymous, but I just started attending a university and I moved into a dorm with one of my friends from high school. We were pretty good friends before we decided to actually live together, but became increasingly closer friends over the summer before we moved in. All was well for a while. She seemed to really enjoy hanging out with me, as did I.
​
School started and she already had a whole set of friends from her orientation, while I on the other hand did not. She would invite me to hang with these people which I very much appreciated (and told her I did– we were not arguing at this point in time at all) but I didn't really get along with them much so I didn't continue to attend events they went to. Fine people, just not people I totally clicked with. I made friends with people on my floor (my roommate and I share a room, but share communal bathrooms with floor) and went out to lunch with them once. She had previously mentioned she thought these people were annoying, and again, not my favorite people or anything but I was excited to hang out with them and have a good time, but didn't think to invite her cause she had explicitly told me she was not a fan of them. She got upset by this, which I then apologized for (sincerely, esp at this time) and invited her the next time. She didn't go anyways though, no biggie.
​
Throughout first semester we would hang out a fair bit, decreasingly less over time. We had this one chair in our room that I had brought, I thought was really cute and made that clear. She already threw a throw over it which kinda covered it up which kinda bummed me out but I never said anything about it. But about 2 months in she called me and told me "I bought a new chair so I'm gonna replace the one we have now with mine" no consideration or asking, "hey can we get a new chair?" no, she just decided to switch it. I was kind of upset on the phone andshe could tell but she started laughing. After we hung up, I texted her "This is kind of what I mean when I say you don't have much of a consideration of my feelings". She didn't apolgize, she got very offended and said she "couldn't deal with this right now" cause she had other family stuff going on. I didn't respond, and just tried to drop it, but when she came back on the next day she was being very cold shoulder esk. I did make a snide remark to her saying it was pretty childish to ignore me (which I regret, also I never use words like that to be honest. I never name call so I don't know why I said that) and apparently her close family member had gotten really sick and she was upset that I hadnt asked about it. I guess I should have in heindsight, but I always was taught not to pry on peoples family issues, so I didn't. I guess she had expected otherwise, so I do try to ask now. But she screamed at me for being an asshole for that, and I just ended up apolgizing (non backhandedly either) and offered to buy her lunch. We did and it was fine.
​
in reference to "this is what I mean" text, her sense of humor is one that likes to tease people. a lot. On their apperances often. I do not find this funny. I did at first, because she didnt used to be as cruel with her humor, but she stared to make fun of my mannerisms and my face shape once??? which legitimatly hurt my feelings, especially considering I was trying out a new hairstyle and I was excited because I felt pretty. Guess I looked ugly. But I was kind of cold after that happened and she asked why so I said well your teasing isn't funny to me anymore ithurts my feelings. She told me I was being too sensitive. During our next fight I ended up just saying "I dont care if I'm too sensitive, you making fun of me is not going to be the thing to change that, so if you cant see where the line crosses for me then please don't tease me at all" she honestly stopped for a few week sbut then did it again. This is in my opinion our biggest issue.
​
Because of the teasing (that is literally mean in my opinion) I am pretty regulatly not in a great mood and building up consntant resentment. Its just not my friendship "style" to be in a love hate relatlionship, and back in hgihschool I guess maybe I could handle it considernig I wouldn't see her every day and could sleep in my own room, but considering I live with this person its hard to blow off steam. At this point I am basically constnatly upset with her because of my resent and now basically everything she does annoys me. Stuff that I can realize isn't a big deal but bothers me.
​
​
She takes my food without asking (which makes me pissed because in my home I was taught that that's very disrespectful), she grabs my shit without asking me until I told her to stop. She got offended when I asked her to better cover her sneeze (I didn't ask in a rude way either).
​
Oh yeah, and this one is kinda the one where after this happened I haven't really liked her at all. I literally, very nicely, not at a time in which we had been arguing at all, asked "hey, when you get a chance could you vaccume?" she had made a mess the week before and I had also vaccumed every time before. She literally, I quote, said, "Um, no. I have way more work to do than you this week, I am not doing that" I was very pissed after that. I honestly dont even give that much of a shit that she fucking did it or not, but how rude of a response to act like shes so superior than me for being busier. She was referecing the fact she was taking more units in school than me (which, by the way, we were both taking above the reccomended amount and both have jobs. Neither of us have tons of free time). Since then I havent been very warm cause that pissed me off.
​
I ended up vaccuming. And she has not done it since.
​
I could go on but no one cares. I don't know. I think I'm kind of an asshole at this point but only because she doesn't listen to me when I tell her things that upset me. Yes, I am a sensitive human being and I don't get over it quick. I've said a few times now that I am upset over being made fun of but I just don't think she gets it. Now her chewing, typing, and coming back at random hours LOUDLY waking me up (also her alarm is at full volume.... and she had 8 ams every morning with practialyl what seemed like no curtesy to avoid waking me up, which I also brought up). I feel tense when she enteres the room now. I miss when we were just friends. I liked our friendship, now I seem like a grump all the time cause I'm both annoyed and resentful. Ugh. Is it me?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ndhjmZ2K2FQTdmrSx0STOmP3jOSkVVc4
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ahqsrv
|
{
"description": "asking my sister for money",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my sister for money?
|
first, this is my first post and english is not my first language
so if there is any confusion in the wording (phrasing?) , I apologize in advance.
so it all starts when my sister wanted me to make 8 icons for her musical group,
and she offered me money in exchange so i could do it in that one night, so i agreed to do it.
after making the 8 she requested, she asked me if i could make 3 more...
i told my sister we agreed on only making 8, so she told me she would do the rest by herself
while i supervised the second one of the 3 she made, I fell asleep.
the next day when i asked her for the money she said that i shouldn't be so pushy
and that she made half of the work because i fell asleep
also she had some clothes to buy for a musical she was going to be in 2 weeks
so i told my mother about the situation,
my mother then talked with my sister because she knows that i don't like to confront problems
and she got angry at me for being a snitch and tell our mother about the trouble
claim that i can tell is true, i tell my mother everything...
we had a discussion and now we are angry at each other...
i feel bad for asking my sister (or anyone in general) for money,
but she is not doing her part of the deal she agreed and even offered
should i forget about the money and talk with her?
or should she keep her word and pay me?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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45CgenbNEyAyZad0c6MDnRX5b6pyq3Vm
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a27dj4
| null |
AITA sports team group chat
|
So recently I’ve made it on a sports team for the 4th year in a row. I’m excited because this is the last year I’m eligible so I’m one of the oldest people on the team.
Every year this team has a texting group chat for socializing and important subjects regarding the team. The problem is that it’s always on the Apple iMessage platform. I have a friend who feels disclosed because he’s got an android and cannot (without some serious computer skills) join the iMessage group chat.
As a person who wants to switch off of iPhone I definitely understand his feeling and I tried to help. I suggested to the team that we use something like GroupMe or whatsapp because about 20% of our 40 person team doesn’t have iPhones.
And they all agreed- or at least I thought. They made the group chat on GroupMe and I thought everything was cool, until I was in an iMessage chat the next day.
Apparently they had only made the groupme chat for important information but wanted to use iMessage to socialize so they could use things like stickers and reactions. I brought up that I thought we would use the GroupMe chat to socialize as to not leave anyone out but people told me that they’d rather have the iMessage fun things than the whole team.
One of their responses, word for word was: “we don’t want green chat bubbles”
One of the girls with an android said she was fine because she still got all the information.
The whole thing turned into a small argument, and I feel like I’m in the right but since about 25 people were talking me down I feel the need to ask.
AITA?
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{
"description": "constantly talking about my medical issues",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for constantly talking about my medical issues?
|
Just for clarification, I'm on mobile so the formatting is going to be off. Sorry!
I have been dealing with a medical condition that has really controlled my life right from the start. It throws me in the ER once every year from a kidney infection. It definitely impacts me on a daily basis. Because this is from birth, I have also developed muscle dysfunction and it causes me to have some stomach problems too. I'm in pain every single day.
I started opening up about my pain to my close friends 2 years ago (middle school). This was a huge deal for me because it used to be my biggest secret. I am more open about it now and have even discussed it in a presentation about my life to my class.
One of my closest friends (let's call her R for now) has been there for me through thick and thin. I'm so thankful for her. The problem is I talk about how awful and rough this condition is all the time. Living with a medical condition like that doesn't leave you in a good place all the time. I'm sad a lot because I either fear I will never be completely healthy or that someday a kidney infection will take me out when I haven't lived the life I have wanted.
I talk about how much pain I'm in and how this affects me to my friends a lot. They are my support system. One day (this was a while back), I was talking to R and she was tired of hearing me talk about this because it makes her sad and it's all I seem to talk about. Ever since then I worry about the toll it takes on the friends I turn to.
Another one of my best friends (let's call her Z) is my second person that I turn to. R and Z are two of the people I care about most. I feel like them worrying about me is hurting them and I hate that. Z has really been anxious lately and she seems to have really become a worrywart. I hope it isn't from me opening up to her.
So in conclusion, AITA for turning to these people? And if I am, what can I do to help out my friends who deserve better?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "wanting my cousin to move out already",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for wanting my cousin to move out already.
|
So this all started in 2017 around the start of August. My cousin lets call him Chase was dropped off without notice and i wad told he's that he lives with me now. My mom was at work so i wasnt sure if she had agreed or not but i wasn't mad i kinda accepted it. From what i heard he got into a disagreement with his stepdad about staying after school and not being treated as fairly as his younger sister. So again i didn't really mind it until around early 2018.
In early 2018 my family started to notice my depression and it had worsened for 2 to 3 years until they noticed. ( i normally keep to myself and im very quiet so it wasn't like there were some big signs). I was in physical pain and was diagnosed with Depression. Now im a very emotional personi get it from my mom and i also do have really bad anxiety which also comes from my mom. Time passes and just everything got worse even with my therapist and all i wanted to do was just let things free and cry but i dont feel comfortable crying in front of my family. It was at this point where i started to want him out of here so i could deal with issues. I should cry at night i think but i cant because he would and still does till this day stay up with the tv on for hours. I got overthe depression but i still dont feel like i can do things i love in my own room for example i never liked drawing in front if family so i dont even like doing that. Also because be doesn't listen my stepdad will get msd at him for playing too much and if my mom or older brother arent home i have to be the adult of the house and stop them because if i don't things could get worse than yelling.
When he leaves for a few days i feel at home, i feel comfortable cleaning, laying in my own bed, drawing, etc. I feel bad for feeling this way because he's family but he's not our responsibility. With one more mouth to feed and bills/mortgage my mom, stepdad, and older brother pay i just dont think its fair for anyone in this situation. You would think that my aunt would help out abit but she rarely does and normally is the one asking for money from my mom despite my mom making less than my aunt.
I really just needed another pov other than mine and my friends sinced its very biased so any help is appreciated.
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{
"description": "being upset with my best friend for moving on so quickly after his breakup",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset with my best friend for moving on so quickly after his breakup?
|
My friend has been in a long-distance relationship with his girlfriend of 2 years for the past 6 months. I met him 6 months ago and we've grown really tight. I'm a gay girl so it's always been completely platonic between us. We tell each other just about everything and we are really, really close.
​
The past 3 months he's been becoming very close friends with one of our mutual friends, X. All of our friends thought it was a bit strange how much time they were spending alone together, and it did seem like they were crossing lines. From an outsider's perspective, it really seemed like they liked each other. They have both always insisted that there were no romantic feelings at all though and that they were just 'bros' so the way they were acting was ok. There was blatant flirting, touching etc. but nothing they ever tried to hide because in their minds, they were just really close friends. Although there have been many times alone each other's rooms, and who knows what was going on there. At the same time, he would talk about how reprehensible cheating is, especially in a long-distance relationship, when we would talk about others. I tended to just not talk about the girl with him because I did not want to come off as accusatory and I just took his word that there was nothing there. I avoided spending time with them because it just made me uncomfortable.
​
He broke up with his girlfriend a week ago. 3 days later, he started dating X. I don't really want to spend any time with them as a couple and honestly find the whole situation pretty gross. We live together so it is going to be pretty hard to get away from them as a couple and I think I'm going to find myself just avoiding spending time with them. He is not being in-your-face about it at all but at the same time, is disappointed that I'm not supportive of them. I feel like I'm being a bad friend but at the same time, everything around X and him still feels wrong so I'm not ready to just jump on the bandwagon. AITA for not being supportive and also feeling pretty upset with him that he's moved on so fast?
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HISTORICAL
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ardanw
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{
"description": "getting upset because someone called me out for being annoying",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting upset because someone called me out for being annoying?
|
*TL;DR: I can get annoying from the intensity of my interests and how much I talk about them, I got put in my place, but felt attacked and don't know if that's a reasonable reaction or what to do about it.*
This is a pretty small issue, but here goes.
I have a group of good friends ranging in age from older teen to young adult. We have a couple group chats (various circles of people) that we chat on. My friends and I have ADHD and/or autism, which means we struggle with social cues and sarcasm. We also tend to get really, *really* into things and talk about them a lot. It can be difficult to shut up, but I try and I at least make sure that other, especially less assertive, people have space to talk too. We also all have anxiety. All of us are aware of each other's quirks and struggles and are supportive.
I really like my original characters, and I talk about them a lot. Like, a *lot*. But they get why I'm so interested and they love to discuss their own characters with me and we go back and forth. My friends jokingly hate two of my characters because they're villains, and they make fun of me sometimes because I defend the characters and my love for them. This is almost always funny for everyone involved and it's a nonissue.
Yesterday, I compared one of my characters to a different, video game, character that they really like. This offended my friends (longer story, but yeah it was insulting, I get why they're unhappy) and they started teasing me and making memes about my mistake and about me being so obsessed with the character that I can't not reference him everywhere. When I got embarrassed and asked them to stop, they just posted the memes in a different chat so more people can see. I don't think they realized I was serious, I didn't make it super clear (again, we suck at social cues) and that's my own fault. They've talked about unrelated stuff since, I felt too ashamed to participate. I left one of the chats this happened in and am considering leaving the others until I'm less embarrassed and until the jokes are buried under more conversations. I'll come back later, try a lot harder to stop referencing this interest, because this is deffo not friendship-ending material and they like me otherwise. It feels so childish to be upset over something so small and even more childish to ask them to stop because I'm taking this way too seriously...
AITA for being so upset about this, and for leaving? How should I fix this?
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{
"description": "inviting a friend to move to my city to live with me, deciding it won't work out, and asking her to move out, knowing she will probably have to leave the city",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA for inviting a friend to move to my city to live with me, deciding it won't work out, and asking her to move out, knowing she will probably have to leave the city?
|
As I was about to move in to a new 2 bedroom apartment 1.5 years ago, I was in the process of rekindling a friendship that started around 10 years earlier.
This person I always knew as a badass and good person, but recently she had fallen on hard times. She seemed really depressed and her life seemed like it was crumbling around her, so I spontaneously invited her to move to my city (about 2.5 hours away) to try to rebuild. I was thinking she would get a better job and figure out how to get back on her feet.
A year and half later, and her life situation does not seem to have improved by much. She found a job she likes, but it does not pay well and it's kind of a dead end thing.
I decided that I didn't want to live with her almost immediately after she moved in. She moved in with a cat, and I didn't realize how much living with a cat would annoy me. She is kind of a slob and while she loves the cat, she does not take good care of him or his situation, so my house is covered in hair and it smells like cat.
She does a lot to annoy me (not locking doors, not doing dishes, not refilling the toilet paper, not refilling water pitchers) and she doesn't clean common areas at all.
On the other hand, she is a good friend, and if there was anything really important that I needed, she would be there for me (example, I left my suitcase on a bus and she tracked it down to the bus depot for me).
She couldn't pay the rent a few months in a row (I charge her $375+ utilities which is a steal) but she eventually paid me back every penny. But that experience let me know she would never be able to live in the city without me.
I am asking her to move out even though I know it means she will have to quit her job and move out of the city and start over from scratch. Should I be more sensitive in this situation?
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HISTORICAL
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b99nkr
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{
"description": "not wanting to be friends with my bestie because of her wierd mental condition",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be friends with my bestie because of her wierd mental condition
|
So I (19 M) have a friend 20M (lets call him Max). We are in college and we have been best friends for an year. This guy is a typical introvert and i am one of the very few frnds he has in the campus. About 6 months ago, he started liking this girl 20 F (lets call her Anna).
She was a sweet girl and also an introvert. He was too shy to approach her and i took it upon myself to set them up. I started talking to her and gradually over a month we three ended up becoming good friends and hung out everywhere from classes to canteen.
But since last two months her weirdness started becoming more intense. For example, one day she decided she wouldnt open her eyes because its bright. One day she would not speak because she didnt like that people talk too much. She keeps talking to herself audibly even when people are around. She suddenly burts into tears with no apparent reason. And she carries a thermos with black coffee with her all the time and keeps drinking it throughout the day.
She is rarely happy these days. And that affects my mood a lot. And whenever she is upset Max gets super upset and he doesnt talk to me all day.
I recently found out through Max that she is slightly schizophreniac and has depression issues. She also suffers from a muscle condition where they hurt a lot and she takes medications to relieve the pain. I guess those are what make her high.
Max keeps catering to her shenanigans all the time. I can't deal with stuff if a grown ass adult is behaving like a kid. And i inevitably loose my shit and get mad at her.
I have behavior issues too and i am working on them. Being surrounded by two people who dont speak a lot and who get upset all the time doesnt help. Whenever they r upset, it upsets my mood too.
Now i dont wanna be friends with them anymore but we have all classes and labs together. Also, i am feeling really guilty that i am not being there for my frnd when she needs probably needs frnds. And i dont wanna loose my bestie Max because of Anna. But I have no clue what to do. The other mutual friend of ours is telling me i am the asshole for leaving my friends like this.
TL;DR- One my two best friends is having mental issues and doesnt behave like an adult for the most part. And i dont wanna deal with that behavior anymore because I myself suffer from issues and I wanna be happy. But i am feeling guilty about it.
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{
"description": "fixing stuff in my parents basement without their full consent",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For fixing stuff in my parents basement without their full consent?
|
To start, it already sounds bad when I say full consent. My father is physically disabled and we live in a 2 story with a 1/2 finished basement. The first floor any work that is done I go through him to “ check my work “ he’s trained me in electrical, plumbing, flooring, hanging drywall (removing as well) anyways the 1/2 of the basement that isn’t fished is somewhat. House was a foreclosure and the 1/2 in question was flooded so before he was disabled he ripped out the drywall to about light switch high, cut off all the lighting on that half (minus over the laundry room and by the furnace) last night I was supposed to be cleaning and organising all the stuff down there that is not only mine but theirs + my two siblings. The previous owners wired the 1/2 of the basement incorrectly. Not grounding, not using conduit etc. So I totally get him disabling it all, but due to this I have had to plug in lamps all over just to see everywhere. + our sump pump isn’t connected to code and makes it flood that part in cleaning. I won’t go into the logistics as this isn’t the sub for that.
So last night instead of cleaning, I decided to properly wire a few of the light fixtures and switch as well as started to work on the sump pumps (because why clean and move our stuff to an area that gets wet?)
Now my mom can see in our laundry room without using hanging lamps that plug into the outlets just by flipping a switch. She’s not “pissed per say” that I did the lighting because honestly I think she’s kind of happy for it. However she is pissed that I didn’t get part of the basement clean which I planned on doing but the wiring was so bad that I had to redo it for everything that I had touched. I was up till 1am doing this cleaned up my tools and all that mess and went to bed finally around 2 and have an interview today at 11 right by my house. She woke me up at 9:30 (that’s fine 30 mins before I planned with my alarm ) but was being really crabby. She yelled at me because I am swapping out the dead sump pump with the one she threw in the same hole as a replacement that drains into a toilet (idk why there’s a random toilet in our basement) 1/4 across that part of that part of the basement and not out side which where I live is a no no. My dad can’t get down the stairs to do it, and we don’t have money to pay someone. I feel like yes I should’ve directly asked, however I’m doing it in the benefit of their house which is their retirement money when they sell it since they have no savings (lost it all when my dad was disabled from medical bills 401k everything) I’ve already redone the electrical and flooring on most of the 2nd floor, and my dad “shadowed “ which was him playing on his laptop his room in bed while I do whatever I’m fixing.
Basically my mom is pissed at me for fixing things in the house that otherwise would go unfixed and cause issues because “she didn’t ask me to” despite her saying I never do anything for them.
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{
"description": "getting upset with my wife",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my wife
|
I'll try to keep it short.
So, my wife and I were teasing each other like spouses do, nothing major or out of the ordinary. I lightly popped her with a kitchen towel, not even hard enough to leave a red mark on her pale skin. She asked me to stop popping her and I did, but I kept lightly slinging the towel at her. I wasn't popping her, just mildly annoying her.
Well, our daughter (3yo) was in the kitchen with us eating an apple. My wife in a completely non threatened and totally playful voice exclaims that I hit her to my daughter and is convincing my daughter to hit me back.
My daughter was confused but anxiously ran up and lightly punched my leg.
Okay, fine. Once was enough. I thought it was done, but it wasn't. My wife kept going on and on and trying to get my daughter to hit me. She convinced her to do so at least three more times.
I was getting upset with my wife and diffused the situation as best as I could and sent my daughter on to bed, trying to convince her that I didn't hurt mommy while tucking her in before trying to convey how I felt to my wife as calmly as I could. My main problem with all of this is i don't want my daughter to think I'm abusive and that I'm okay with hurting her or my wife. She's impressionable at her age and is just grasping onto sentence structures and social cues so I don't want her to think daddy hitting mommy is a normal thing.
I also don't want my marriage to fall apart. I love my wife to death and would do anything for her and our child. We just suffered a miscarriage last July and have been slowly recovering from the loss of our 6 month developed daughter. On top of the depression, my wife has several problems from her past relationships as well as her childhood that result in episodes of acting out and threatening to leave. This always results in me having to drop everything for the next few hours while I try to calm her down and have her cry it out on my shoulder.
Like I said, I love my wife, but I'm afraid that one day I won't be able to calm her down and she will run off with our daughter.
So, am I the asshole?
(Sorry if my wording is garbage and leads to confusion. This just happened and I typed it up rather quick. My wife is laying down and I'm on the couch just wondering if I'm in the wrong. I feel like I'm right with my concerns, but she insists she was just playing and didn't realize she was upsetting me or doing anything wrong. The more I think about it, the more I feel like I overreacted, but I just don't know.)
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{
"description": "not apologizing to my father",
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}
|
AITA for not apologizing to my father
|
Hi, 18f here, i live in a heavily religious Christian family and I myself am leaning towards atheist myself. Now, I want to give all the information beforr I start, my dad is verbally abusive towards my mother. No, he has never laid a hand on her but he makes her feel like snot amd when they argue he always turns around the problems on her. He also ruined my 18th birthday and I went into crisis counseling the next day so just cry for an hour. (Spoiler, my councilor didn't really help).
Just a quick note he grew up in an physically abusive relationship with his patents where they taught him that spanking was not only okay, but the right thing to do. Yes, i consider it physical abuse because it still haunts me when he pulls off his belt and calls me over and it makes me extremely scared when he jokingly threatens hitting me and he loves to do it often. He also has a tendency to snap at me about the littlest thing, like one day I said didn't want dinner because I wasn't hungry it was like 4 in the afternoon and two hours later my mom made a potato and i grabbed a fork with the intention of taking a single bite and my dad lost his bleeding mind and yelled at me how I shouldnt eat because i said i wasn't hungry.
So yeah, i hate him. I could write a book on the absurd things he says and does and if anyone asks I would be happy to share because its kinda funny.
But, hes probably actually depressed, having worked at a well paying job for 14 years then quit it due to the toil in order to start an insurance business. Tbh i hated him for it but its just because my quality of life decreased and i myself stressed that we wouldnt be able to live in the house anymore. I asked my mom if we could get him a therapist and lo and behold he had one but refused to talk ab the important stuff???
So story begins. I made tea for the day and we drank it all by after dinner. He asks me to make more and I said multiple time, trying to get my words out as he laughed at me bc idk he thought it was funny that I said simply "no, i have school tomorrow and i need to take a shower." If anything my lazy, racist brother was sitting at the table across from the kitchen just putting legos together like he wasn't a twenty year old man who still lives with his parents. So my dad lost it and called me down to piss and yell at me about how i had no power in the house and he could make me do whatever he wanted. Idk he screamed for another 10 minutes im just nodding and saying yes sir at this point because id rather hurry this up. He moves on and i turn my back to cry. I go upstairs and cry and my mom comes in to counsel me and i said i didn't want to talk to her, never did i raise my voice or swear. Shes also a snitch so there was no way i was saying anything, ive learned my lesson.
I pass the master bedroom and she calls me in and tells me i have to be more humble to him, i have to grovel and say im sorry. Wow red alarms. I listen to that for like 5 minutes and its extremely uncomfortable because she talks about how hes the head of the house hold and smth religion related. I yeet out of there as fast as possible with no intention of saying any sort of apology. Should i apologize? Just so yall know this is definitely not the first time this has happened and will not be the last, but I always feel like its never been justified.
This is genuine btw and im not just ranting because I really want to know if i should just accept it and do what my mom wants just a bit longer because I know he's going through a very stressful part of his life or hold to my own "hard hearted" beliefs.
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{
"description": "getting mad at my boyfriend for not getting a valentine's gift for me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my boyfriend for not getting a valentine’s gift for me?
|
today i mentioned something about valentine’s day and he said “wait your getting me something?” and i was like “yea of course i am” and he just told me that he wasn’t getting me anything cause he thought “we weren’t celebrating it” . i never once mentioned that. so i got mad and it’s not like i’m asking for some expensive thing. now he’s thrown but from being so upset and is baking something for me but i feel like piece of shit for being mad.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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|
b7tq75
|
{
"description": "lying for months to my father that I had been exercising",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for lying for months to my father that I had been exercising?
|
Basically, my father's a bit of an exercise guy who used to be fat, and decided to shave it off a long while ago, before I was born.
And he essentially kinda wants me to go the same way, exercise daily just like he does.
He used to do it with me daily, but ever since he let me do it individually, I have essentially lied to him over and over that I have been doing it daily to his face. This has gone on for months, possibly even a whole year or more.
Am I an Asshole for compulsively lying to him for months on end just because I'm too lazy to exercise like him?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
yaQc3aDPSBnAg3FmaVYVWtH2mkI2ewCe
|
ak4m52
|
{
"description": "being pissed at a constantly cancelling friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed at a constantly cancelling friend?
|
I have a friend that is constantly cancelling on me and our other friend. We’ll text on weekends (we all attend school and none of us have jobs) and decide to hang out, and then the day of, she’ll cancel. This has happened time after time in the past few weeks. She’ll always say something came up a few hours before.
Recently a mutual friends of ours passed away. We were supposed to attend the memorial together but today she cancelled. Again. We were supposed to spend time together afterwards. Understandable if she does not feel comfortable attending, but I wish she had told me earlier. And she, as of a few hours ago, was going not to the memorial but to have us all be together after anyways.
Now she just cancelled again. I feel like a dick because I know she suffers from depression, and I know just as well how awful it can be to struggle with that, want to stay home and not see people you normally would spend time with. But then she comes into class on Monday with stories of hanging out with her boyfriend on the weekend, and I get super annoyed because it seems to me that she cancelled on us to hang out with him. Am I being a jerk and reading too much into it, and not trusting that something actually did happen and she spent time with him the next day, etc?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
lj4wc4Gl3RoCO9CSvY3Fi4xwvzPNukvk
|
agrs3x
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to the beach with my mother in law",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to the beach with my mother in law?
|
There's some backstory I need to cover before I get into the meat of things, it's all relevant, I promise.
I am the younger of two daughters to a still happily married couple. My husband is the only child to a single mother. My mother in law has a very limited social life (limited to her sister in law and extended family) and no hobbies to speak of, so she spends a vast majority of her free time at home.
In 2016, after many years of trying, I finally obtained a permanent visa to live with my husband (and his mother) in his home country. I moved here in january of 2017 and during the new year 2017/18 my parents came here and spent a week with me and my husband at the beach. Now, me and my husband are not very social people, and our idea of a good time is sleeping in, play video games, an watch movies, so for our beach trip, we mostly did our own thing, staying at the hotel pool and hanging out in the room while my parents were off doing touristy things, and then we would have dinner together and play cards late into the nights, all around good times.
My mother in law's birthday is coming up, and she, along with her sister in law and extended family, are planning a trip to the beach, friday to monday. My husband has already agreed that we will go there friday morning and leave again late friday afternoon (6 hour round trip) because neither of us really wants to be there all weekend. We'd rather take the opportunity to be alone for a few days, since it is rarely the case.
My mother in law is upset about this and thinks it's unfair we would spend a seek at the beach with my parents and not her, disregarding such things that if we did go with her, she would not leave our side, not giving us the alone time my parents did. As well as the facts that I had not seen my parents for a year, and they would not have taken the 13 hour flight from my home country to hang out in the city.
My country is also much colder than here, and spending too much time outside in the heat is incredible unpleasant to me.
Am I (and my husband) the asshole for wanting to have alone time at home with my partner rather than spend time with people I barely have a relationship in a place I do not want to be?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
YID6wbJrQX88gNgsWNZchxUSxripBmvw
|
b53lcl
|
{
"description": "venting about petty stuff while I'm aware that it's basically an inconvenience and waste of time for the listener",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for venting about petty stuff while I’m aware that it’s basically an inconvenience and waste of time for the listener?
|
I noticed a habit that I developed. Ever since I understood the power of venting, I’ve been using it and I started using it on the pettiest shit and I know it’s really selfish but it feels good to “transfer” the negativity somewhere, even though that somewhere is another person with feelings too. Feelings that get ruined by the venter’s energy, words, etc... So yeah. I feel really guilty about this habit.
There’s so many examples but I’ll talk about the most recent one. Just a little while ago, I was having breakfast with my relatives. We were talking about me calorie counting and everything was good. But then my cousin suddenly says, “Try Intermittent Fasting”. I immediately got annoyed that she gave me advice when I was already in a diet program that I worked so hard finding and sticking to. I have already lost 20 pounds so far and I’m still losing weight.
My instinct is to tell someone about how I feel but I hate that I have to vent to someone every time someone upsets me.
Does this habit make me an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
|
ERiAQQ2mbMmBJGwBrDCG46vAjZWdWWaN
|
asw103
| null |
AITA in a video game
|
AITA
Ok so first off I'm generally a calm person, I like to think that I'm generally reasonable and act rationally during competitive multiplayer games. However, today I stumbled into a number of extremely terrible games and as it started to irk me. So I muted myself as I don't want to say anything I would regret.
However, the next game really pissed me off. It was due to me playing absolutely fine, typing a joke that goes along the lines of "I hate x champion xd". Of course someone on my team goes "you suck I'm not having any issue with x character, stop playing this game if you're that bad". This fully tilted me, but still I did not turn on my mic, as I did not want to have a definite loss. I respond in chat to this person and effectively say that he's tilted me and as a result he has severely lost us the chance of winning the game. I then continued playing. However, that same person swapped off the champion that he was playing, which compelled me to play a different champion (I didn't see us winning otherwise)
Fast forward to the end of the game, after he continues to call me bad over voice, and the others on our team staying out of it mostly. I then join voice chat and call him out for being a toxic a\*\*hole to which a shouting match ensues. I won, after constantly insulting him, I think I may have gone too far as I started commenting on his voice and how grating and childish it sounded (in slightly more than NSFW language) I let everything out in that end game.
​
I guess from his perspective, my joke wasn't a joke but a serious comment, and as such he called me bad (for some reason) when I then subsequently played badly because I was on the verge of getting angry, his comment justified itself to him? I then, purely out of hatred and toxicity got angry and screamed at him over comms calling him toxic, so he justified himself by screaming back. But this explanation, to me makes him seem stupid, which as much as I dislike this fellow whom I'll never meet again, I don't think he was.
​
TLDR: I had someone flame me in a video game, saying I suck after I made a joke about hating a champion (in text chat), to which I responded less than favourably to (in text chat). After he flamed me for the rest of the game. I responded at the end of the game by insulting him, his lack of teamwork, and his voice in a rather nasty way, and we had a shouting match.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
wXA5hrLlWvPNN5rVTh1ZeLqL9rvCyuRG
|
a7eou2
|
{
"description": "not delivering my mother's gift to her friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not delivering my mother's gift to her friends?
|
I was going to drive grandma around because she wanted to go around places. My mother saw this as an opportunity to make me give her Christmas gifts to her friends that lives next to grandma. I told her, I will not give her gifts to them. She muttered ungrateful bastard.
I don't know them, I don't want to give it to them. Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
NLf2ZtQom1EQxh9jxItaPyKfaQvli0u0
|
a1d891
|
{
"description": "wanting to kick out my housemates friend who wasnt on the lease",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to kick out my housemates friend who wasnt on the lease.
|
John my friend and I are on the lease to a house with two others who are not. A housemate moved out and john said he knew someone who wanted the room. I was away the weekend john set up the interview process and i didnt meet him until he moved in. Upon moving in, john and the new guy brad let me know that brads sister would be hanging around for about 3 weeks till she went to another state for uni. Ok i thought, 3 weeks isnt so bad. After 2 weeks i asked again how long i would have to endure this woman. John then proceeds to tell me that she could be here for 3 weeks to 6 months. Now im a little angry. As she has been exceeding the guest situation in my opinion. As she invites her other van living friend over almost daily as they both dont work. She also had a dinner party at our place inviting her friends which are the brothers friends so cant really complain to much on that. She would bring girls back to sleep with on our couch and in her brothers room. Most of the time this happened during the day when we were at work and some weekends. She also never contributed financially. But did do us the courtesy of cleaning the house once.
I said i didnt like how she was using the place to her brother. Stating she doesnt pay rent and in my eyes is only a guest here. He said he would talk to her and she was confused why i felt the way i did. In that time we lost another roommate and a room was available. I asked ger if she wanted it, to which she replied "no, she couldnt live with her brother". I offered it to her on a few occasions but "no" was the answer. But things got better that week as i didnt see her. Then she went for a road trip for 3 weeks and i thought my problem solved.
Upon her arrival back i arrive home and see her parked in the backyard. Her brother comes to me and asks if she can live in the backyard and pay rent and utilities. I say no as i offered her the room on multiple occasions and i didn't want more people in the house. He wasnt to happy about that but said ok. Then i started finding her in the house during the day when i finished work early. When i asked her what she was doing i assumed she made a lie up about meeting her brother who was nowhere around and wouldnt return home for another 4hrs. She would also leave straight after i found her on those occasions. This made me think she was doing this behind my back. I also wasnt sure weather the brother or john were in on it. I went to john and said i think we should kick ben out. As i wanted an end to this situation as i couldnt trust them. I am currently breaking my bond.
AITA for wanting to kick out the roomate, whose sister uses our house and doesnt live there but the van on the street and pays no rent
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
dzZirWuvT3slh9GuSbTtoXgcOtWVgjpl
|
al9i5t
|
{
"description": "backing away from this friendship? Gf lied to her partner/my friend about a miscarriage when she really aborted and I feel angry she told me and not him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I backed away from this friendship? Gf lied to her partner/my friend about a miscarriage when she really aborted and I feel angry she told me and not him.
|
I’ve never really posted, so please be gentle if I misstep.
I am a 40 yo female. I have a 30 yo male friend who I’ve been close to for near a decade. We’ve never been romantic, nor even entertained it. He started dating a wonderful young woman about two years ago. He has two children from a previous relationship. He is a loving but inconsistent father and provider for his children. His work requires frequent international travel /long period away or overseas and can be inconsistent.
So, after he introduces me to his new gf we get Along great. Really like her. Kind, a good heart. She reached out to me often, though most often when things are bad or difficult in their relationship. She gets frustrated about his lack of reliability and lack of planning, and he gets upset with what he sees as her unrealistic expectations about finances. (Wanting trips, designer things)
Despite the many concerns and reservations she’d expressed, they moved in together about a year ago. Also bought two cars. Got some pets. All in. But always late on rent and bills and unstable, which was a big cause of tension between them. At any rate, She’d joke alarmingly regularly over the last few years about wondering if she might be pregnant. Recurring theme. To the point I sat her down several times to ensure she understood science and that if she kept this up she would without a doubt end up pregnant. She didn’t like birth control because it made her moody.
Anyhow title says it all in the summer time they told me she was pregnant. I’ve known him for much longer, and he told me first. He was excited. Wanted to marry her first and asked for help with a baby shower. (Rediculous to plan that so soon but still cute).
Then she tells me. And she’s not so sure, for very valid reasons. I don’t disagree - they are not at all ready. He’s not properly caring for the two he already has and bills are a struggle and things are rocky. We talk a lot. She decides to give herself a week to make a decision. And ultimately decides to abort. When she told me that I was very, very clear that I supported her decision but that she needed to tell him and he deserved to know. I fully thought she would.
But she did not ever tell him. She told him she miscarried while he was away for work for about a month. He was really sad.
And I am so confused about it I’ve just backed away from both of them. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him, but know it’s not my business to tell. And I’m angry with her for putting me in a position where I’m expected to hold such a very big lie for her, from my friend who I knew far before her. It makes me distrust her, knowing she can lie so easily about something so big. Again, I actually think she made a sound decision, but I think lying to him was unfair and wrong.
Am I overdramatizing this? Should I just let it go, am I being a jerk? Is it fair for me to feel angry and distrustful? What would you do in this situation?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
sh95WqfhzFK0QcJ898r6uIOJMQiRKhFz
|
ad7b6p
|
{
"description": "being upset that my boyfriend gave me a gift",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset that my boyfriend gave me a gift?
|
So here's the context. I've always been a quiet sort of shy person. I'm the type that would rather blend in and I'm quite content with that. This is something everyone I'm close with knows about me so there's usually no surprise birthday parties or things of that nature as it would cause me a lot of anxiety having that much attention on me.
I started dating this wonderful man almost a year ago. He is everything I've been hoping for thoughtful, sweet, and respectful. The only downside of our relationship is it's long distance the majority of the time because he travels for months at a time for work. We do our best to talk as much as possible and it's been going great.
So on to the problem. I got the feeling that my boyfriend was planning something a little more special than normal for me. Specifically, he kept asking about details relating to my work such as where its located and what time I go to lunch. I work for a state agency so it's a fairly big office with lots of employees and I told him such. On Thursday, I came back from lunch and I noticed people were acting a little off and there was a lot of smiling going on. As soon as I get to my desk the admin assistant announces over the intercom that I am needed at the front reception desk. To my surprise, when I get there I see a huge flower/balloon arrangement with a fairly big fruit arrangement as well. It was so beautiful and of course it was from my boyfriend. My happiness was short lived as my anxiety set in when people started making a big deal about it and asking too many questions. This continued on through Friday as well and by the end of the work day on Friday I was very overwhelmed with the whole thing.
I told my boyfriend I loved the gift. It was the most thoughtful thing that anyone has ever done for me but I suppose he heard the hesitation in my voice and asked what was wrong. I then explained the situation and how while I loved the gift, I would have preferred to experience something so special from him in private. He then gets a bit agitated with me and quickly ended the phone call and we haven't spoke that much since Thursday.
My question is am I the asshole for not wanting to receive gifts like that in such a public way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
lPklpnjy7vAIqF9GM7AbimIuADZHM0tm
|
9xjoxb
|
{
"description": "trolling my gf once in League of Legends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for trolling my gf once in League of Legends?
|
This is a silly situation that has gotten a bit out of hand.
I've been playing League of Legends, a popular online video game, for years. My gf of almost one year recently started playing as well, after gaining interest from watching me play. I'd say she's played 50% of the games alone and 50% with me. She has improved a lot since she first started. I'm honestly pretty impressed, as she progressed way faster than I did when I first started.
Whenever we play together, I'm always very supportive and try to teach her the game without ever making fun of her mistakes. If she does make mistakes (everyone makes mistakes in this game, no matter what level), I assure her that it's alright. I have never teased her or made her feel uncomfortable about playing the game, up until today.
So we queued into a game against the AI. We're just doing our usual thing. Now when I play the game with friends, we generally will troll each other at times and sometimes do stuff that results in the other person's death. Death in League of Legends simply results in your character being out of the game for around 30s - you do not lose any significant progress just from one death, especially in a game against beginner AI. Without going into details, I told my gf to do something that resulted in her dying, and I laughed as I normally would if it were one of my other friends.
She was not amused, threatened to quit the game, and stayed silent for the rest of the game (around another 5 minutes). I immediately could tell she was pissed and apologized for doing that. After the game ended, she told me I annoyed her and that it was a really mean thing to do. I apologized, acknowledging that it wasn't a nice thing to do to a beginner. I also said that I didn't intend to harm her and that I was just joking - and that I would do the same to any of my other friends. She said if this was what the game was about then she wouldn't want to play, left the chat, and went to bed.
I feel pretty bad about this as my gf is just a beginner, but I also feel we should be comfortable enough each other to joke around in a video game. So, AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
BhAvJvlUJNIWK6a1JHcDAfId7KvZ9Gey
|
9z7lug
|
{
"description": "not visiting my family during the holidays",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not visiting my family during the holidays?
|
July of this year, I finally moved out on my own. A few friends and I got a place about an hour away from family, all of us moving out of our parents house. My mom works with me for a newspaper, so she asked me today if I wanted to see her for Thanksgiving. I said no, and she had a pretty disgusted look on her face. She assumed a yes.
A little backstory, when I was ~14 years old, (21 now) my parents split up between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and it really messed with my head. I was a total shut in, I began to hate the holidays, you know, normal stuff.
My mom knows I hate the holidays, she knows the reason for it, and I previously told her I didn't want to celebrate any this year. So when she gave me that nasty look, I felt a little horrible. She then asked if I was going go be the same way for Christmas, and I said yes. She look confused and said, "Why not just come see us. You don't have to have dinner or anything." My answer was, "If I go to see you on Thanksgiving or Christmas or anything like that, it's practically celebrating the holidays in my eyes, which I don't want to do."
She walked away from me and didn't talk to me for the rest of the day, and I feel really horrible about it. I understand how she could feel hurt, seeing as how for 20 years we'd celebrate the holidays. I was wondering if anyone else thought my reasoning was justified, since now that I'm out on my own, I can actively avoid the holidays.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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RIGHT
|
Z1ikIf0YwtlyXVAm3KHFqrG0O5xKLrum
|
b3w78i
|
{
"description": "not wanting my friend to bring another friend Comic-Con",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for not wanting my friend to bring another friend Comic-Con
|
So to start off I'm bringing my friend to a very small Comic-Con for her birthday. We had planned to go together as a pair, but she wants to bring another friend.
I don't know this person at all. I don't know what they look like or anything.
My friend has a tendency to stop talking to me in favor of talking to other friends, when it's just us hanging out. She took a call with internet friends when we were at the pool.
Anyway I feel like I should let her take them, but at the same time I don't want to be left in the dust.
So WIBTA if I said she couldn't take them?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
hTycLn27KlmefB3r21nzvS3CQuSjzbp4
|
a14u2s
|
{
"description": "dissuading my grandma from throwing my mom a surprise party",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dissuading my grandma from throwing my mom a surprise party?
|
I don't think my mom would like that.
A party isn't something you just jump in to. You need to prepare for it.
And it's her birthday. You should be able to have a say about what happens on your birthday.
But I can't help but feel like a party pooper. I'm always the one going 'guys, wait, I don't think this is a good idea.'
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
YkzPX78zc0OiL9d2jqgYx3arTG7XXn0h
|
aihes0
|
{
"description": "not letting my father borrow my car",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting my father borrow my car?
|
So this story is a few years old and has pretty much resolved itself but its nice to get other opinions.
I (25 F) was given a van (bought and paid for by my deceased grandfather years prior. It was a 2001) in highschool and used it as my sole transport until 2017 when it was keyed and had 3 of 4 tires slashed. Im a very quiet, stay at home person so we never knew who it was. Didnt really matter; insurance totalled it for about 3k which I used for my current car. Now until then my grandma was generous and paid the insurance. It really helped build a good driving record for me. Much appreciated. Also, while i did drive the van to highschool most days dad did freely take it whenever he pleased.
I also have a stepmom and stepsister. Mom i get along with fine while sister is a little rocky. We are totally civil at gatherings but just dont talk outside of those. No animosity just different people. Shes 4 years younger than me. Her mom and my dad have bought/given/helped obtain a total of 4 or 5 cars for her at the time of my van getting vandilized. The reason for so many is because she keeps crashing them. We never go into full details because neither of them talk to me about her very often. This does all have a point i promise.
Anyway we find a car that my dad says is a great deal. 2012, 25k miles for 10k. Sweet. He explains to me him and stepmom feel a little guilty helping sis with all her cars while i just had the gas guzzling van. He says theyll pay the car payment while i get insurance. Cool! I happily accept. And everything is in my name btw. Get the car abd everythings cool for a few months.
Dad then asks if he can take my car to florida since his car is worse on gas. Hed let me use his car that week. We live in michigan so its not exactly close. I explain id rather not put that many miles on it just for a vacation. He flips out saying how hes the one paying for it and that im ungrateful. That i never thanked stepmom (i did and have text proof) and that he wont forget this the next time he needs something. He cant believe that id be like that over only 2k miles. This was all a txt convo so i can probably dig it up. Anyway i just said i can pay for the car if thats how he feels but he kinda shut up about. Hours later txted me he was proud i wanted to keep my car nice. It was kinda weird idk. He still pays for it and i pay for insurance. Sometimes i wonder if i was just being a selfish bitch but he didnt ask to take stepmoms little 4 door or sisters. And he never ended up going to florida because of other money things. Oh and if it was for an emergency of course id give him my car! It was just for a vacation so it wasnt serious.
TL;DR: dad offers to pay car payments willingly after car gets vandilized and gets extremely upset when i dont want him to take my car from michigan to florida for a week to save gas money. Everything is in my name. I offer to take over all my own payments which he doesnt like but stops asking about the car.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
NWapL9mvjtu8GhoSNawZ8ZZQmza7WfBR
|
b01zj0
|
{
"description": "cutting off my relationship with one of the closest people to me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting off my relationship with one of the closest people to me?
|
About a few weeks ago, I cut off my relationship with my best friend because I felt like I needed some time for myself and to improve on life, but he wanted to work each other up and work together on things. I really felt like going solo and breaking off from him, so I did. It was pretty abrupt and I was dealing with some tough times with stress, minor depression and hobbies I wanted to continue with. I feel like I'm the type of guy that goes far when helping others but end up stagnating because of it.
AITA for doing this? I felt really bad doing this to him. I don't know if it was unreasonable to do this as well.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
JEKgFxW3Ql7ahAb2hzEuYHyOYQmWyK7X
|
b4lbvh
|
{
"description": "telling my MOH's boyfriend to not text me about his girlfriend's stress",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for telling my MOH's boyfriend to not text me about his girlfriend's stress
|
Alright, so the title might be a bit misleading.
My wedding is next week, and let me just say I didn't really want any of the other parties, but my MOH (maid of honor) insisted she throw me a bridal shower and I finally gave in and said yes.
My bridal shower is today and her boyfriend texts me and says (I'm summarizing), "I know it's about you today, but can you keep an eye on MOH bc it seems like she's handling this on her own and may be a bit stressed out." I said yes of course, however, for some reason, that kinda irked me. I had maybe 6-7 months to plan this wedding and it did stress me out more than I wanted, but I tend to handle stress very well since I do something similar for a living. I texted him again And said (again summarizing), "I just want to let you know that I'm not mad, but in the future if MOH is maid of honor to someone else, please don't text them about her stress, other people may take that the wrong way. I don't want any of her other friends ripping you a new one bc you weren't sensitive to their stress during this time as well."
So yeah, AITA? I understand if I am, I just wanted him to know that other brides may not handle all this stuff so well and by them having to worry about something else, may not come across so well.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 8,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
wKFU7rytutWjW3ObrO0Ut5NTSieHmJR2
|
b47e6w
|
{
"description": "meeting up with a member of the opposite sex whilst being in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for meeting up with a member of the opposite sex whilst being in a relationship?
|
So a while ago I went to go see a friend of mine I had recently gotten to know however my gf didn't know about her and hadn't found a good opportunity to tell the friend about my gf yet either. This came to a head when my friend said that they liked me. I told them about my gf after making sure I hadn't been leading them on. I thought it was a bit weird and funny so told my gf and she got really upset about it. I can see where shes coming from but I didn't realise how big an issue it was at the time.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
kOCLxeSyQ9Ga7GKU5I4HEifOnDyFdwJp
|
auo5yz
|
{
"description": "ghosting/ignoring my sister after she revealed a secret of mine to our parents",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for ghosting/ignoring my (21F) sister after she revealed a secret of mine (19M) to our parents?
|
Background Information: My sister and I had a very poor relationship when I was growing up (10 - 16), she smoked a lot of pot and did a lot of drugs and I just played COD all day. Then I started occasionally smoking pot (Once every 2-3 weeks) our relationship started growing. But our parents are heavily against pot, but they know and accept that my sister smokes but would be royally pissed if I smoked because they believe that marijuana = meth and I'll be wasting my life away. So my sisters and I relationship is strictly built off of the fact shes keeping the fact I smoke pot as a secret.
Sister got into a argument with my mom and yelled something like "You'd give me money if I was DownvotedOpinions420!" So I yelled back "Yeah, but I don't ask for money every day." To which she responds "I need the money to fix my car, remember I got into a accident." So I said "Yeah, I remember it's your 4th one this month."
She mumbles something and storms out. I could tell that I hurt her feelings and was honestly going to apologize until my mom bursted in and told me my sister told her I've been smoking pot and banging some whore who smokes everyday.
I couldnt lie to them, so I told them I smoked once a while ago (somewhat true) and I was having a FWB relationship with a girl who smokes everday.
But I feel like she retailated because I said something too true/hurtful. But I also feel super betrayed because siblings are supposed to argue but not tell secrets. So I ghosted her, blocked her on everything and rarely talk to her. I avoid her in the house and try to keep small talk.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
xUVvtCka6YyFG4TGSQpTY42Y2k3zgjpI
|
alzyjo
|
{
"description": "calling the cops on a random bar goer",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling the cops on a random bar goer?
|
So I just go home from this incident.
I host triva at bars, tonight, some regulars say they’re going from my bar to another after hours.
“Sweet, I’ll meet up with you guys there!”
After I close up I meet up with 5 regulars and a coworker at Bar B, I’ve never been there before so there’s a lot of new faces.
My coworker goes around and Introduces me to almost everyone except one guy playing pool against a regular I know.
I ask home who he is.
My co worker says, “idk, he’s a little strange, earlier he asked us if her wanted to see the 9 y/o girl he has in his van”
Obviously I’m like “wtf” and ask some questions but my co worker doesn’t know much. I ask her if we should say something but the best I get is an “idk”
I stay at the bar for about another hour before I say goodbye to those that I know and head out, but before I leave I decide it’d be best to tell the local authorities that something might be up here.
I call the non emergency number and pretty much say, “I’m out side a bar and I’ve been told there’s a 9y/o in the back of a van here”
I was actually shocked by the operator as I feel like she doesn’t believe me, she says, “well do you know or are you just guessing?”, and eventually “are you going to check the van or should I hang up?”
There are two vans in the parking lot, the first is full of random shit and the second is aswell but out of the corner of my eye I see something in the front seat...
Holy shit, it’s feet.... some one is laying across the driver and passenger seat.
I’m out, I start to retreat to my vehicle I don’t want to be here any more, I tell the operator that yes, some one is in the vehicle.
She’s like “is it a man or woman? What are they wearing?” Eventually she’s has me leave my vehicle to get the tag number of this van before making the call to the cops.
As I wait (they have my description/name/number) for the cops to arrive the man who had made the statements earlier exits the bar with beer (and bottled water) and smokes a cig.
I seriously don’t want to be here now and the worst thing that could happen is a officer arrives while this man is present while I try to explain the situation.
Well it happens, more than one cop, 4 total.
And of course, it turns out to be an old man sleeping in the car and the man from the bar is just.... strange?
I made 4 officers come to my location for nothing.
As I try to explain myself the man from the bar has an Uber him away, and some other patrons exit.
They corroborate my story about the man from the bar. But I still can’t believe I made these people drive so far for speculation.
AITA for making them show up en force for a totally hoax?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
f6f7qZQxewlkmN2vhGK2SXBx6givnXTO
|
as27ks
|
{
"description": "being annoyed about birthday gifts",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I were annoyed about birthday gifts
|
For the record I’m 15, and I know the title sounds bad, but bare with me. For my birthday, none of my friends got me anything and expect me to get them stuff for theirs, WIBTA for being annoyed about this? They said they would only get a gift if I had a party, but my family is trying to save money and I didn’t want them to spend money on a party or entertaining guests, and no I haven’t told them about this, cause it’s kind of personal, and they are the type to pry and ask. Also, this a throwaway because my friends know my main account name. Thanks in advance.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
wvrekZsKg36ST5Q7EpDZpxVEK2Oc0J2D
|
atxv4j
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go out every Friday night because then I'll miss my show",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go out every Friday night because then I'll miss my show?
|
So I have some friends from elementary school. We've decided to make getting together a weekly thing. I'm totally happy about that, but the thing is they want to make a standing date for Friday nights.
Well, I like to watch Downton Abbey at 8 on Friday's. And I go to bed pretty early, like 9-9:30. I wake up at 5 without an alarm.
Last night (Friday) we went out and had a good time. Now they want to do it every Friday night. It'd be nice to see them on a regular basis, but not every Friday.
I suggested maybe not always on a Friday and my friends were all "you don't like Friday?!What's wrong with Friday?!" And I felt like too much of a jerk to admit that I wanted to stay home and watch my show.
So as it stands, we're going to do every other Friday, and then meet on other days the next week.
But AITA for wanting to watch tv over going out with my friends?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ScMSDG5kJYwucLuaWIGOnDtGSKh6xU6w
|
b97fdz
|
{
"description": "not giving my mom my phone password",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for not giving my mom my phone password?
|
I (14) let my mom use my phone for directions. When it locked, she asked me for my password. I offered to unlock it with my thumb, but she persisted. I then gave a half hearted excuse, because I didn't really want to outright say no to my mom. I said "well, I don't want dad to hear." Which we both probably knew was a lie. When my brother got into the car, he also took my mom's side. She threatened to erase the phone, which is very likely an empty threat, but it still wouldn't be the end of the world if she did. There is nothing incriminating on the phone, but I feel this is an invasion of my privacy. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
4rxkzCtth2dgLAZZteMJbyCEdWrA95tk
|
b7i9e8
|
{
"description": "assuming the Maid of Honor should organize the Bachelorette Party",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for assuming the Maid of Honor should organize the Bachelorette Party?
|
Backstory: My friend (f/31) is getting married in September. She is the second oldest of four sisters (and two brothers, who are irrelevant). Her Maid of Honor is her youngest sister (YS).
Said YS is married herself and even though she is in her mid-20s, I've always known her to be a bit childish and unsocial.
YS created a group chat for my friends bachelorette party a few weeks ago. This group consists of YS, me and 39 other people. She just threw seemingly any woman my friend has ever known into this groupchat.
Turns out, YS had no idea about what to do for the party. So instead, she thought us 40 people could organize it all together. Even better, she had absolutely no ideas and not even a general clue of what her sister would like (and most importantly: dislike) to do during her party.
This went as well as anyone could have predicted: there were a lot of ideas, some even really great, but nobody could agree on anything, how long, where, how expensive [etc. Best](https://etc.Best) of all: we couldn't even agree on a date.
So naturally we were at a stand-still for weeks on end.
Now, my friend is getting married in September but her BP needs to happen before June because she and her future husband are currently building a house and they let everyone know that those months until the wedding would be off-limits for them.
So of course YS then came up with the brilliant plan to surprise-kidnap her sister on a weekend in July.
That's kind of where I lost my head.
I agree that maybe I shouldn't have done this in the group-chat but I was furious at YS' lack of leadership and her almost desinterest in the entire process. She just wanted results, but didn't want to do anything for it.
So I told her that kidnapping my Friend in July was a stupid idea, that I would not be a part of disrespecting her wishes like that and that it was her (YS) fault that we had gotten so close to the cut-off date without even a tiny idea of what we would do during her party.
She answered that she thought it was going rather well and I told her that so far the whole thing was pathetic and sad and that I had expected that she as the Maid of Honor would not just at least give a crap about all of this, but that she would come up with a few strong ideas (including dates and plans) of what we could all do together to celebrate our Friend instead of leaving it all to us.
I caught quite a bit of heat for that outburst and a lot of people defended YS, saying that she only meant well etc. There were a few people defending what I said as well though (although a lot nicer) and three of my friends PM'd me to let me know they agree.
So far, she's been giving me the silent treatment and we haven't talked about it any further. The party is now set to be in May, but we haven't gotten any further than that.
So ... AITA for telling her it was her responsibility to at least come up with a rough idea of her sister's Bachelorette Party?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
ZrEgSlaWtvnDoVumDRbMDMgyBZswt81K
|
b82odf
|
{
"description": "telling my sister to stop talking to me until she at least tries to get her shit together",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my sister to stop talking to me until she at least tries to get her shit together?
|
Repost because the original post wasn't approved.
I [25F] had yet another argument with my sister [23F], and we blocked each other afterwards. This time, she came to me complaining about her psychiatrist because she called her lazy. When I asked her to elaborate, she said the doctor tells her she should worry about the consequences of hurting herself and my sister told her, "well, I won't be around to be affected by it."
I already started feeling irritated at this point. I was having a bad day and this rubbed me the wrong way. So I told her what I've felt for a while now. I said, "perhaps she's right? I feel like you're too fixated and it's not helpful for your recovery. You complain all the time and seem like you expect things to just change like that. I'm tired because I've tried to help you but you seem fixated on your own ways."
She got defensive as usual, and then told me how I always make her feel like shit for just having emotions! I asked her, what did she want to exactly happen for her to feel better, and she replied, "nothing". So she wants things to change but nothing to happen. I don't know.
I suggested she see a therapist to work things out and help her figure her stuff. She came up with excuses. Then she started guilt tripping me. When I told her to stop complaining to me, she said, "okay sorry to bother you. You're angry now. Let's not talk about it anymore i won't bring it up again" "Okay i won't share with you anymore if that's what you want. No more burdening you with it"
When I pointed at that, she said "Okay yes I'm the world's most pathetic person." So I just gave up and told her bye then blocked her.
I just feel exhausted at this point. I have my own shit to deal with, and I wish we could have just ONE conversation without her bringing her shit into the mix. I feel like she's become toxic to me.
So AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
OEAovZkdSULCuIi5P3UVaE4zcoXNLNeU
|
b4xtyz
|
{
"description": "not wanting my gf friends over",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For not wanting my gf friends over?
|
On mobile so my apologies for any mistakes.
Bit of background, my girlfriend and I are in college and she has moved in with me for almost a year now, and we’ve been dating for two years. I share my apartment with a friend from high school ( each with out own room), but he’s chill with the situation and gets along with her too. There have been no problems with the situation so far, but she does have her own apartment which she doesn’t really use.
Recently we both came back home for spring break, but she went back earlier than I did. I let her keep the keys to my place so that she could sleep there and cook and well chill, I get in 2 days after her with my roommate. This has happened before where I let her live at my place for a bit without me and it wasn’t an issue. Last time she also wanted to have a friend over and had asked me with a good amount of time letting me know. I wasn’t super happy about it, but it was about a week without me and she said she got lonely so I complied. And I would just prefer she used her place to hang out with her friends which is like 3 blocks away.
The issue came this time when because from what I can tell she was at my place and asked her friend to move her stuff to her apartment to make extra space in the closet for her summer stuff ( we share my closet she was moving out winter stuff for summer stuff). In the moment I wasn’t made aware of that, and I assumed she was alone. She left the apartment to pick up some things and came back saying things with “we” and I was confused thinking she was alone. So I asked and she said she was with her friend. Then I asked if she and her friend were going to chill at my apartment and she then said yea if it was ok with me. I then told her that I thought it was a bit weird for people to be at my place, but since her friend was already there then they might as well. They hadn’t moved her clothes or anything just gone to pick other stuff up from nearby.
My girlfriend was upset by this saying that she mentioned her friend helping her, but she hadn’t mentioned when or that they were even together. I was more upset that she was inviting people, and I was the one that asked if they were hanging out at my place before she even mentioned it. She ended up sending her friend home and getting really upset saying that she wants to move out because I don’t make it feel like her home too. In reality I know it’s not a big deal if her friend had stayed to chill but I would have liked a bit more of a heads up than me asking if she’s alone when in reality her and the friend are already driving to my place.
So AITA for getting upset
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
KxeLTyZESYO7i6LDAucNEYf1mqDZz7O2
|
b5lckb
|
{
"description": "choosing to not be a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I chose to not be a bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding?
|
Mobile user...
First time posting...
My little sister has been like a daughter to me for years, we are more like great friends with a mother/daughter dynamic. She messes up, I’m there to fix stuff...she needs advice, I’m there to provide.
We had a huge falling out about 3 years ago, which lasted about 2 years. Last year she met a guy with 3 kids that he has sole custody of and she has basically taken the role of mom for all of them (8 years, 2 years, and 13 months). I have accepted them as my own nieces and nephew and I love them so much. The man she’s with seems great (although he likes alcohol a bit too much for my comfort...and I drink wine every night if that’s any indication of how much he drinks). All in all I love her, support her, and I’ll always be there for her.
When we were younger we made a pact...we would be each other’s maids of honor. When I married she was mine, although she was horrible at it. She didn’t plan anything, wasn’t involved at all...but I was understanding because she was only 20 and I figured she just didn’t have the maturity to be a good maid of honor. Not a big deal...she was by my side on my big day and I was happy.
Now that she’s getting married she’s picked someone other than me. To be her maid of honor but said she would still “let” me be her bridesmaid. But honestly I’m hurt. I don’t want to make a big deal of it but I’d rather not be involved than be involved and watch someone that I don’t even know take on the role that I thought I’d have. I know it seems selfish and I don’t mean it like that, but honestly I’d rather let my teenage daughter be her bridesmaid and me just kind of hang out on the sidelines.
I don’t want to be rude or selfish but I know if I come to all of the special bridal party stuff I’ll just be resentful the whole time and bitchy to the girl she chose over me. I know myself. Im territorial and I’m already hurt, going further is just going to make it worse. I don’t feel like I mean as much to her as she does to me and it just sucks.
Would I be an asshole if I declined being a bridesmaid?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
FnHU52Bqjdw2SdjiCcYbJMrwVUb4S67Z
|
b7rnj2
|
{
"description": "not parking in a different spot",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not parking in a different spot?
|
Sorry for formatting. Tldr at bottom.
I work at 7am in the morning and occasionally I'll head to Starbucks in a quiet plaza around 6:30 to grab coffee. I usually park in the spot that's most convenient (don't we all?) and easy to park in. This spot is directly facing the Starbucks, where there are table and chairs set up. It just so happens that my headlights are pointing at the window since I pull in.
One morning I pulled in, but my headlights don't turn off right away and can take up to a few minutes to turn off anyways. But I usually order through the mobile and run in and out under a minute to grab my drink. This older lady comes over to me to ask if I'm leaving soon because my headlights are "blinding" her. I told her that I'm just grabbing my drink and leaving, which I did.
Over the next few weeks, I go but the same convenient spot is always taken so I park one spot over or whatever. The older lady sits in the exact same spot every single day (I'm assuming). Yesterday, my mom was driving me, so she has the car running and I run in to grab my drink. The older lady goes out to the car and I see her peeking into the driver seat. She comes back in and doesn't say anything to me. I get my drink and I see her walking back in to grab her phone. She takes pictures of my car, mom, and I inside the car.. - obviously about the headlights.
Same thing today where we go to Starbucks. This time she pulls her phone asap and walks out to take pictures once again. Then she comes directly to me, starts asking me why we park there, etc. I say it's for my convenience and it's a public place.. blah blah. Anyways, she insults my mom so I choose to not respond to her, so she tells me I need to grow up. The barista is standing there watching and after she leaves, the barista tells me he feels sorry for me to offer to comp me for a drink.
Basically I'm not parking there to spite her, but out of my convenience. She constantly takes pictures of us without our consent obviously. No idea what's happening with the pics but whatever. AITA?
Tldr: i park in a spot, where it's convenient for me, but because this lady claimed this window seat, the headlights don't turn off right away when I go into Starbucks for less than 2 minutes. She's harassing me but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
oVR0I6tjwwrLLwLzEmmTK9caq8fCL3zN
|
b9762l
|
{
"description": "reaching out to a past coworker/friend for help getting my resume in front of her boss",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for reaching out to a past coworker/friend for help getting my resume in front of her boss?
|
Background: I work in insurance. The industry is as much about who you know as what you know. I have been trying to get back into a company I left several years ago. I have been auto declined once, declined after interview once but the feedback was really good and they told me they’d like to have me back and to keep an eye on job postings- yada yada yada.
Today, I contacted a former coworker/acquaintance/friend. (we weren’t very close, I’d gone to her baby shower and sons birthday party but so had half the department). She was promoted internally after i left the company and now works in the department I’m hoping to get into. I did start with small talk (congrats on the engagement, 2nd baby blah- things I had learned though social media), but then immediately asked how she likes the position and if she’d be willing to put in a good word for me and/or get my resume in front of her boss.
AITA? Am i using the friendly relationship we had or is this just appropriate professional networking
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
RftZV59uW29etbVuUrxvjbokdI6YCUCc
|
aghacz
|
{
"description": "trying to ignore my very ill mother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For trying to ignore my very ill mother?
|
So, from the title you're probably thinking that I am very much a complete and utter Ahole for ignoring my sick mother so please let me give some context first.
About 1 to 2 years ago, my mother was diagnosed with a mental illness called lewy body dementia (which is very close to Alzheimer's or Parkinson's) which makes it so my mother looses basic motor and thinking abilities. It started out with some very minor tremors and not being able to walk around as fast but it got a lot worse over time.
Now skipping ahead to today, she has become unable to take care of herself. She can barley walk, can't do any house work, can't finish a sentence without shuddering a few times and for a month or so now, needs assistance to go relieve herself and sometimes an accident occurs, thankfully, my dad does that part. She also cries out of nowhere from time to time which is very hard to watch.
Thankfully now that she's on a few different medications she's doing a slight bit better but this is the part that really kills me. Before the medication, she never really noticed that I, or anyone else around her even existed, with her thinking that her sister that lives in Europe came to visit her for a few minuets and left showing how much she needed the medicine, but now, things are better but even worse in my eyes. She now can do basic motor functions that she couldn't before but now she thinks like she's in the past where I was in elementary school and my sister was in college. This might not seem too bad but I'm currently in high school and my sister is married and far out of college. She still does suffer from the issues said above.
So finally addressing the reason I ignore her. Well it's pretty simple, she doesn't have much time and every single fricking time she talks to me it hurts so much by her telling me to get ready so she can drive me to school, eat the breakfast that she thought she had made and asking why my sister isn't home from college. It feels even more awful because that's probably the time where she started to fall down that deep trench and I feel like if she doesn't seem to think of me and only remembers that I exist at times that she wouldn't care if I slowly separated myself from her.
I've been feeling guilty for doing this the past week and while I think this might not fit in right with this subreddit, I just want to know, how much of an asshole am I for ignoring my mother that will probably be gone in a year or two, if that long.
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h7AC3FvbojYSMEQY4VNbebBUgmzpiUyb
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ay4dhn
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{
"description": "ghosting my landlord",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For Ghosting My Landlord?
|
A few years ago, friend 1 had a place all to herself that was too big and expensive for one person. Friend 2 and I moved in with her. When we did, we asked the landlord if we should add our names to the lease. He said don't worry about it. A bit later friend 1 (the person with the lease) moved away. Again, friend 2 and I asked if we should sign a lease. Landlord said no. Finally, friend 2 moved out and my SO moved in. This time we actually told the landlord we would like a lease. He never responded.
Here's where it gets tricky. I knew that friend 1 had initially asked about having a cat and the landlord said no. My SO has two cats. My SO and I figured if the no pet rule was that big of a deal, the landlord would be more insistent about a lease and house rules. Plus, at that point, I had lived there for several years, had been a great tenant, and felt somewhat irritated that he wasn't communicative and didn't give me a lease when I asked for one. So we decided not to ask him about it and moved the two cats in.
As you can guess, while doing maintenance on the house one day, he saw the cats and confronted me about it. I told him I'd never seen a lease (true) and didn't know about the cat rule (not true). I offered to pay extra each month as a pet fee; he turned it down. He accused me of lying and said that I had asked him about it (not true, I think he might have confused me with the initial lease holder who moved away.) He gave us an ultimatum: get rid of the cats or move out by the end of the month. Obviously, we weren't going to get rid of the cats and the end of the month was three weeks away, which was way too little time to find a new place and move. I lied and told him we'd get rid of the cats to buy us some time.
Within a couple months of that incident, we found a new place, signed the lease, and moved--all without telling the landlord. We never notified him. We simply locked the door and never sent in the next month's rent. (We did pay for all of the months that we lived there.) Since we'd never signed a lease, he didn't have any of our personal or contact info besides a single email address of mine. I never heard from him again, but I assume he figured it out.
I felt justified in our decision because he had multiple opportunities to lay out the rules and consequences but never did. When we broke a rule that he never told us about he gave us an, IMO, unfair ultimatum. But whenever I drive past the old place, I do wonder....AITA?? I DID know about the rule although he never told me, and it is his place.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "thinking that people who talk incessantly about their significant other are really very insecure people and probably their relationship is not even that good",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for thinking that people who talk incessantly about their significant other are really very insecure people and probably their relationship is not even that good??
|
I see posts on social media all the time from friends that talk about how wonderful their significant other is because of blah...blah...blah.
I’m married but I don’t feel I need to share every thought or feeling I have about my wife.
Is it wrong for me to feel these people that do post everything all the time have serious issues??
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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aoed2d
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{
"description": "needing my space and living my life the way I want to",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for needing my space and living my life the way I want to?
|
Hi, I'm back again with more problems.
I was at work when my father tagged me and my sister in a post on Facebook, sent me a message on messenger and texted me within a one minute span. All of them said the same thing.
"Unblock C (my sister's name)... it kills me to see the division between you two..."
I responded a few minutes later via text. This is how the conversation went, word for word.
Me: "Dad, you're pushing the line here. I want nothing to do with her, I've told you that before, please leave it at that. She's a shitty person & I don't want that in my life."
Dad: \*sends screenshot of her saying "I've tried very hard to be cool with D (me). It ain't my fault that she chooses to start arguments."\* He captioned the picture with, "That's not someone that wants to argue!"
Me: "Yes, it is. She's toxic and I'm not going to say it again. I want nothing to do with her until she learns to grow up."
Dad: "I'm gonna ask you to think long and hard about this! There will be days in this life you will need her! Especially the day you two lay me down for the last time! What would Mom want?"
\- This is where I got extremely emotional and angry. My mother passed away when I was 12.
Me: "This isn't Mom's life, it's mine. You can't guilt trip me into this. It's messed up you even said that. Mom would want me to do what makes me happy because she put me in this world for that exact reason. To live my life for me."
Dad: "Wow"
Dad three minutes later after I stop responding: "Well you put me in my place, I'll keep my feelings to myself"
I no longer responded. I figured it was best to let things cool off.
​
I understand where he's coming from, wanting us to get along. Unfortunately, I don't have the energy or time for people who want nothing but to manipulate, steal, do drugs religiously and continuously talk down to me. I'm doing good for myself, mentally I've been in a good place. I'm not going to ruin all of that just because she's my sister. Maybe someday in the future when she grows up and realizes how horrible she is we'll have a relationship again but right now is not the time.
​
Tl;dr - Am I the asshole for disconnecting myself from my sister when I feel like she's detrimental to my mental health and life in general?
​
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HISTORICAL
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ayjggf
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{
"description": "being a bad partner",
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|
AITA i'm a bad partner
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So my partner likes talking to our male friends a lot and whenever we spend time together it's always something boring.
Now when I get upset I stop talking for a really long time so I don't say something wrong. I spoke to him about it a few times but it's not getting into his head.
So I started playing games on my phone and talkjng to internet friends while he is bored. I think I'm an ass XD
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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amiue7
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{
"description": "starting a relationship with a girl my friend recently broke up with",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for starting a relationship with a girl my friend recently broke up with?
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For some context, I am a single senior male in high school and my friend, we'll call him Jim, just broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years, we'll call her Ericka, about a month ago. Jim told me that it was a mutual breakup, and that the relationship just wasn't working, and Jim is moving from our east coast home to Washington for college after this semester. I've been friends with Ericka for about as long as she and Jim had been dating, and we have some good chemistry, but I never even considered asking her out before since, well, she was with Jim. A couple days ago though one of my other guy friends suggested that I go on a date with Ericka since she is single now and has hinted that she likes me. I told him I didn't want Jim to be upset with me and I didn't want to mess up my friendship with either Jim or Ericka by asking her out. He basically responded with "Jim won't be mad don't worry about it" which didn't do much to convince me. Now though I have realized that I actually do want to ask her out and be more than friends, but WIBTA?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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b8gjnx
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{
"description": "not thinking the r/dankmemes april fools was funny",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not thinking the r/dankmemes april fools was funny?
|
For those who were in a cavern last week, here is a summary:
The day the article 13 passed (the infamous European copyright ordenancy) r/dankmemes says:"OK, then we will realease a bot that bans automaticaly europeans." And the next day, the article 13 bot began his work. So I was banned (I'm a european and I thought it was legit) and two days later i receved a invite to one of the "unlawful memes" subredit (the 6th for info) and then I discovered the prank and later the Hunger Games that ended yesterday.
So my reaction to the prank was "no, please no, not a prank on this verry serious subject, even more on internet" and I feel it is legit for r/dankmemes to ban european users to avoid legal problems.
So I don't think this prank was funny.
AITA?
TL;DR : the r/dankmemes april fools caught me off-guard with it's serious subject and so I took it seriously. Then when the prank was revealed, I felt cheated by the sub. AITA for this?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aiicct
| null |
AITA funny business with my brothers ex girlfriend. It's complicated..
|
My brother dated a girl for about 5 months. Treated her like complete crap. Pretty bad stuff. No physical abuse from what I can tell, but cheating and verbal abuse. Always saying it's just a joke later or telling her to toughen up.
The entire time I watched this I made sure he knew I wasn't cool with it.
Whenever we talked about it he would basicly shrug it off. He also said multiple times if I was so into her I could have her. I don't think he thought it was even possible. He kinda sees me as a loser. He is very arogant after landing a job that makes multiple times what i do.
Me and her didn't really talk much when they dated but when our group of friends hung out together we would have chats. I warned her multiple times he was on a bad rebound and he wasn't in any shape to have a relationship. He just had his long term girlfriend cheat and break up with him.
Eventually she broke up with him over his bullcrap and the way he used her. He had a bunch of crap at her house he never got around to picking up. He had plenty of chances but just avoided going over to get it.
He calls me out of the blue saying he is out of town (He works out of town most of the week) and she is going to toss his crap out on the street if it's not out by the night. He gives me the address and I go to pick it up.
While there me and her get to talking and it's basicly her saying I was right the whole time. She was an idiot. She's is sad. She feels worthless. I just try to be supportive. Nothing wierd really. I'm not pushing an agenda.
Later that night she friends me on face book and Snapchat. We start texting pretty much every day. Quite a bit. Nothing over board... but she is obviously interested. I'm keeping it somewhat neutral, but maybe not COMPLETLY.
A few weeks go by and she invites me out to a bar with a bunch of her friends. I agree for some reason. I know most of the people going.
The night is fun. Everyone gets blasted. Me particularly. I'm too drunk to drive and she offers for me to stay at her house. Alarm bells are ringing in my head, but I ignore them.
Her friend drives us to her house we do a few lines (i rarely if ever do blow) and we end up kissing and making out for a good bit and talking. (Its mostly a blur for me). I do remember waking up in the middle of the night with her giving me a hand job and being weirded out by that. I push her hand away and roll over to sleep. I was a little freaked and just plain tired.
The next morning is super awkward. She drives me to my car. We split ways.
It's now super awkward for me. Very little texting from me to her. And her kinda sending me probing texts that I just half heartedly respond to. I really don't know how to feel about any of this. She is obviously interested in me. She sends me pictures in her underwear with a t-shirt or in yoga pants asking how she looks and crap. Usually prefaced with "I'm working out. How do you think it's going?". She's a fine looking girl I'll tell you that. I'm tempted.
A few days goes by and my brother calls up drunk and furious. Calling me a piece of crap and thirsty and basicly just garbage. Apparently she posted pictures of the night in question on her social media. Her hanging on my neck and kissing me on the cheek. I don't even remember the pictures being taken.
I kinda feel for him extra because he had his ex.... specifically the one who broke up with him before this have some personal space issues with me. She really didn't know the meaning of personal space when it came to me. I always felt she was trying to pull some bullcrap, but I always just took a few steps back created some distance and kept it neutral. He seemed to notice her gravitate towards me often and even made note of it. Her dumb ass response was basicly "what? We are like brother and sister!". I've never seen a sister wear a miniskirt and tiny little shirt basicly plaster herself to the side of her brother.... besides the fact of us not really being ANYTHING like brother and sister.
So here I am. It's been a few weeks. I get that I am not without sin here. But am I an asshole? I'm sort of leaning towards yes. I feel like I never should have started chating with her.
I have been avoiding anything more than replying to her question on how i am with a fine or good and you? Its soooo awkward.
Me and my brother have kind of let it go. We are back to normal mostly.
Also he doesn't know anything more than we hung out and she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I don't think I will ever tell him either. F that.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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9v3nkc
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{
"description": "asking my friends to side with me when another friend blocked me because I didn't approve her drug usage",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my friends to side with me when another friend blocked me because I didn't approve her drug usage?
|
TLDR at the bottom but I had this friend for a little over a year. We always hung out and did a bunch of after school programs and shit together. We both smoked weed every once in a while but at least on my end it was maybe once every couple months
Anyways flash forward to about a year ago. We're both set to help at some after school thing. I get there and try to message her and find out like two hours after that she didn't come in because she took a shitload of acid and was tripping hardcore. This caused a lot of discourse but eventually I just kind of tried to not let it bother me
Fast forward a week later and she comes to practice high too and gets mad at me for telling her that she's a fucking idiot, giving me responses like "I know how to handle myself" and "it doesn't affect me that much chill"
Let that one slide too because I was head over heels for her at the time but here's the kicker. She comes over and we chill for a bit and the conversation goes something like this. It's been a while so it may sound like parts were missing.
Me: Hey, I think we should get some weed. It's been a while
Her: Yeah dude sounds good. If you want we could try something harder?
Me: nah that's okay I really dont want to do much more than that it's kind of scary shit. I really don't think you should be doing it either it really worries me.
This was followed by her blowing up on me, saying how I was a hypocrite because I was interested in shrooms a couple months ago. Her only real defense was when I mentioned how drugs ruined my relationship with my dad and a close friend she said she knows what she's doing and she's not like them (she didn't and she was). This all pissed her off so she tried to walk five miles home with a leg injury she sustained from idfk. Ended up picking her up down the road and dropping her off. Tried talking to her for days but she wouldn't open or respond to anything.
Flash forward a week or two and she tells not only me, but all of my friends that she's blocking us all, and doesn't wish to be friends with people who aren't going to side with her choices no matter what, referring to us all as "acquaintances". This was a big issue in our circle and I was pretty damn pissed, so whenever anyone asked about it and noticed how upset about the situation I was, I would proceed to tell them the whole story and throw in some extra shit about her because I was angry and upset. I didn't have the right to say those things because they were super private (pregnancy scares, her trying to exchange sex for money with people, her unpositive opinions on people in our friend group). I really made it obvious that I hated her with every fiber in my body and wanted everyone else to hate her just as much. She ends up dropping out of some of her classes that she had with me in it and as far as I know has had it off extremely poorly since the incident. AITA for what I did and my reactions?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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Cid9ndDVndTuSHlAfrZG9E2hIIh90jcy
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ai3c8t
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{
"description": "keeping my sister's two cats locked up, while my one freely roams the house",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for keeping my sister's two cats locked up, while my one freely roams the house?
|
My sister and I both live at home, with our parents. I've never left the nest, and while she has (She's 5 years older than me, and had a bit of a head start), she moved back in maybe 2 years ago after spending a few years living with her former boyfriend.
Now, my whole family has always had cats. Sometimes a lot of them, even. When she moved away, we had five-- she took two with her, since there was one she actively wanted to take, and the second was bonded to her, and the only cat that tolerated being around the one she actively wanted. Over the time she was gone, the bonded one died, so she moved back in with the remaining one. And here is where our issue kind of started.
Over the time she'd been gone (maybe about 3 years), the three cats we had left may have forgotten the one she took. But, being older cats, used to each other, they didn't take kindly to a 'new' cat returning to the roost. So, for a little while, we sequestered my sister's cat. It was to be kept in her room with the door closed, to give it a safe place to not be attacked or worried about anything. Things were okay for a bit, and we were slowly trying to warm them up to each other, and eventually let my sister's cat back out into the house at large. But, one of the older cats started getting really territorial and aggressive at this point. She stopped using the litter box, and began destroying things in the way cats seem uniquely well suited to do. It was... Bad. We isolated that cat, tried different brands of food, of litter to try and attract her back to the box, literally giving her prescription pills to try and relax her after multiple visits to the vet. We spent almost a year and a half trying to fix things before the cat was finally put down (Sheltering wasn't an option in our area, and nobody was willing to foster a territorial cat that was using the toilet everywhere she pleased). Barely a month later, the second of the older cats got very sick, and passed away naturally.
I'll break the narrative here to interject that, while this was going on, my sister decided to adopt another cat. You'd think this would be a bad idea. ... I SAID it was a bad idea. But my mother is a pushover for cute animals, even if she is the one most in favor of putting them down if they become a problem. So, my sister begged and twisted her arm until my mother let her adopt a second cat. So at that point, we were back at 5 cats. Two living in my sister's room until they got more acclimated, three living in the house proper. None really happy to interact with each other, and one actively throwing a rebellion against other cats existing. Upon recognizing that adding unfamiliar cats to the environment had thrown things out of whack and made things unsustainable, my sister consented to keeping hers isolated again, to try and fool the old cats into thinking the new ones were gone.
Fast forwarding back to near-present. With two out of three older cats now gone, we're down to three total again: My one cat, who we've had for about 13 years. She is very small for an adult cat (think 'runt of the litter'), who has never been confined. She has full access to the house, except my sister's room. And opposite her, my sister's two cats. Both of them are younger cats; one is maybe 8 years old and pretty chill, albeit a bit territorial. Doesn't really seek out trouble, but will give you some if you come looking. The second is only about 3 or 4 years old, but really physically large. Given she's pretty young, she's still very energetic and playful, and constantly tries to escape my sister's room. Given she's got two cats isolated in her room, and one actively wants to get out and roam, my sister wants to let her cats out.
Now... This is where I specifically have an issue. My cat doesn't like the other two, but when they are out, will usually just sit with me and growl for hours on end, until she forgets they exist. The cat is usually glued to me anyway, granted. My sister's younger cat, however, likes to play and explore. Her idea of playing happens to include stalking my growling, openly hostile cat, and trying to pounce on and attack her. The younger cat goes so far as to hide under my bed and wait for my cat to jump down, so she can go to town on her. This isn't a new or unfamiliar trait, and this kind of interaction is part of why we kept them separated to start with-- just today, I got a big cut on my foot because my cat was sitting on the floor next to me, when the younger cat brought the beat-down onto her(And by extension, me).
After a lot of scrambling to separate them, my sister sent hers back to her room, while being kind of sulky and passive aggressive about it. I feel like I'm being made to be the bad guy here-- and I can kind of understand why, since I have one small cat that lives in an entire house, versus her two that are isolated to a single room, that my sister also feels isolated to. But I don't think it's fair to restrict my cat now that she's in the minority, because of decisions my sister made. And likewise (apart from me getting hurt as collateral damage), I'm honestly scared of leaving my cat alone in the house with hers during the week, with everyone in the house working full time jobs. I don't want my cat to get hurt or attacked when I'm not around to break up a fight and protect her. Even if the younger cat thinks of it as playing, I've got enough cuts to know that at least one of them has claws out for it, and I don't want my cat in a much lower weight-class to be getting into fights she can't be helped out of. ... And that's not even touching on the mismatch between her cats needing to be on a diet, versus my cat having food constantly out to *encourage* her to eat, due to being so small and thin.
TL;DR: I don't want my sister letting her two recently introduced cats out of her room, for the safety and well being of my cat that is older and smaller, and was here first. I don't want to tell her to wait for my cat to pass away before hers can be allowed to roam the house, but that feels at the end of the day what I'm asking for. AITA here?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b6rjln
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{
"description": "ordering espresso drinks extra hot with no foam",
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|
aita for ordering espresso drinks extra hot with no foam?
|
(asking for a friend)
When I order espresso drinks I usually get extra hot, and no foam because I think foam is a rip off and drinks are too lukewarm. But, I also know that extra hot + no foam is the hardest to make because the hotter you make the milk, the more it foams. Am I the asshole for asking baristas to make drinks this way? Would love to hear thoughts from current/former baristas!
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ap0nzj
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{
"description": "telling my roommate not to use my silverware and being frustrated with him in general",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
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|
AITA For telling my roommate not to use my silverware and being frustrated with him in general?
|
Apologies for formatting, longtime lurker, first time poster.
So I have been living with my roommate (who is also my brother) for 6 to 7 months now and I over these 6/7 months he constantly uses my silverware. A few months ago I asked him not to use my silverware because he has his own silverware. I asked him again today because he waits like 3 to 4 days until he washes his dishes and they are not washed well.
I told him "I don't want you using my silverware because you never fucking clean anything." He then told me that "It's hard to tell since I have silverware that looks exactly the same." I then responded "I have 4 knives, 4 forks, and 4 spoons. There are only 4 of each in the drawer so they have to be mine since I brought them when I moved in."
I'm very frustrated because my roommate rarely cleans anything and I clean our apartment since he's too lazy to do it himself. I have to constantly remind him to clean the stove top and counter after he's done cooking. He also never takes out the trash or recycling unless I ask him to. I clean the kitchen, living room, my room, and my bathroom. All he cleans is his cat's litter box.
I used to be a messy person, but after I moved out of my mother's house I took up the responsibilities I need and started keeping everything looking nice. My roommate on the other hand, does not know how to clean. His room is an absolute trash pile and looks awful. I know I shouldn't care about what other people's space look like, but it's just an eyesore and he told me he does not care what his room looks like.
I love my brother, but he's such a shitty roommate in my mind.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
3JOhZGbc4Z7StkfD6dzL28UPDVXrIE6b
|
amd48d
| null |
AITA for an Incident that happened 2 hours ago
|
I was messing around with my brother when we got into an argument about a game we were playing. He was arguing with me for a good five minutes when he then proceeded to walk out of my room before turning off the fan by yanking on it as hard as possible. The fan is a ceiling fan and has two strings connected to it for the light and fan speeds. After he yanked it, the string came unattached from the fan. He then proceeds to blame me as "I broke it because I turned the fan on. He then proceeds to begin blaming me for it breaking as he does with all things. I then start arguing with him and start yelling. Am I in the wrong for escalating the situation by yelling? Am I the asshole for taking it overboard?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
ksDWxasPhd0O9l96VSZErQBSuWDtAyg6
|
9xr6al
|
{
"description": "not missing my nephews/not wanting to spend time with them because they kick me hit me and throw toys at me and constantly try and put me down",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA:for not missing my nephews/not wanting to spend time with them because they kick me hit me and throw toys at me and constantly try and put me down
|
My sister litterally says hey dont do that and when that doesn't work says "I will spank you if you keep doing that" she hasn't done it once so normally I just lay in my room sleep and play video games tell they leave so AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
X2QC0KYEjF5DGuBwTvrXnS8hbInEdMqT
|
aptkxc
|
{
"description": "not wanting my gf to google who dies in the walking dead as we watch it together",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting my gf to google who dies in the walking dead as we watch it together?
|
I’ve seen it before and she hasn’t so we watch it together and she loves it but she always wants to google who dies instead of just watching and finding out. She has googled a few times and spoiled a bunch of stuff. And when I ask her not to she gets pissy at me and ways I’m telling her what to do and whining like a baby any time she wants to spoil it for herself. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
ooffRr3VROUIaqtvleQea2RqBagzWsGs
|
ain6mn
|
{
"description": "mocking my boyfriend's beliefs about mental health professionals and treatment",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for mocking my boyfriend's beliefs about mental health professionals and treatment?
|
So, my boyfriend says that mental hospitals, therapists, and depression medications are all shit, and he says it's a fact that they don't help anyone. Because I completely disagree and know that these things helped me, I get mad and start saying a bunch of angry sarcastic stuff in response, essentially mocking his beliefs. He then threatens to break up with me, saying he was only stating his beliefs, and I have no right to mock him for it, and he won't tolerate it. Because I have no self-confidence and don't want to lose the only boyfriend I think I'll ever have, I apologize for mocking him. He eventually apologizes as well for making me unhappy. Is everything that both of us did in this situation fair, just, and right, aside from me getting mad and being sarcastic? Was he justified in threatening to break up with me? Does any of this matter now that we both apologized to each other? Let me know if this sounds really one-sided or not neutral, or if you need more information.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
bPyxZj0hBpRkLUzAvjtbxyAyrXM0M9Hu
|
a8j973
|
{
"description": "bailing on my friends and colleagues after being lied to",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for bailing on my friends and colleagues after being lied to?
|
Last year, 3 of my friends started a business for digital marketing and approached me to help. They needed a web developer, which I am, though they couldn’t pay me my full rate. I completely understood, and told them I’d work for them at a massive discount (1/4 of my normal rate) so that they could build capital—but the agreement was very specifically that 1. I would only work up to 20 hours a week for them at that rate so I could have other job options part time and 2. That when they had a respectable profit margin, I would get generous compensation. We swore that above all, we had each other’s backs.
Fast forward to last month: it’s been a year now that I’ve worked with them, and I quit in November due to rising tensions with one of the friends who had issues listening to other people and respecting the word “no”. I also have never been given a raise, even though my hours were increased to 30 a week in the first couple months, and I have never been able to take a vacation where I didn’t have to work. When I quit, I told the guys that I’m giving them 4 month notice (or until they find a replacement) so as to not screw them over since I’m personally responsible for a large aspect of the company and none of them know my processes. Upon my initial resignation, two of the three immediately offered me pay raises and financial bonuses to stay. I said we could talk about it, and was surprised because i had been under the impression that the company was hurting for funds.
Over the last month, they have found a replacement and subsequently told me that it turns out there’s no extra money for me. They said if I had stayed for 2 more years I would have gotten a bonus, but since I’m leaving tough titties. I also found out that they are charging our clients 2 times the amount I was originally told, and when the math is on the table it is impossible that they are strapped for cash. One of the guys has an (almost) beachfront property in Southern California on the company’s dime, and I have heard from other people in our industry that they are undoubtedly a million dollar, if not a multi million dollar, company at this point. My replacement, another friend of theirs, is getting a higher salary than I was paid, even though I have years of experience on him.
I feel betrayed and hurt. I have spent the last year making endless concessions and sacrifices to help these guys and I’m hit with the reality slap that they have spent the last year prioritizing business decisions over my well being. I’m not mad at them for that: what I’m mad about is that they’ve intentionally deceived me into believing otherwise and i feel taken for granted.
So, I’m on vacation at the moment and I originally told them I promise I’d get some stuff done over the holiday. I have absolutely no interest in helping them anymore and am looking forward to finally putting myself first. I have completely ignored their calls and messages for the last three days and feel like I owe them nothing. I feel like they broke their promises to me to look out for themselves and I don’t feel guilty about breaking mine to look out for me.
I know it’s not the right thing to do, or the high road to take, but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
DyTspFOKVqXSvGbrncVvN3ppO1rGB0f4
|
9z9wcb
| null |
AITA for runnig away from my crush when my friend said i like her
|
To give you some context this happened about a month ago. My school took us to a trampoline park. When we had to eat lunch, me and my friends sat down to eat.I was sitting with my crush and best friend. We were having a good time until my friend (not my best friend )says " yall should date". Then he whispers something to the girl I like and she stars staring at me. I ask him what he said amd he replys " He likes you he's just stuck in the friend zone." Me being the stupid 8th grader I am grabbed my lunch box and ran out of sight. I don't know how she reacted to that but she hasn't been talking to me nearly as much.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
BO3mChXEqQTmNwiyUnqfkYokA8wsFH97
|
b4jkdk
|
{
"description": "not paying a £50 duty free bet, in cash",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not paying a £50 duty free bet, in cash?
|
Me and my friend made a bet on whether I could have sex with someone before our holiday, the bet was £50 at duty free.
Me and my friend then made another bet. £50 in cash, if I could get abs or not at the level of Triple H (2007) before the holiday.
We get on holiday and I haven’t had sex so I lose the first bet but I’m pretty certain I have the abs. We agree I’ll show at the hotel and because both the bets would cancel out I don’t initially pay the £50 at duty free and say I’ll do it on the way back.
I do stall for a couple days to find the correct lighting (as my friend said I could), but when I show, he claims that I’m not at that level, but I claim I am, before the bet we say we can’t ask other people that we know as they’re biased so we can’t sort it out that way.
We agree at one point that we should void the second bet as we can’t find a clear winner, so I’ll pay the £50 at duty free on the way back. He can’t find the product he wants, so asks me to give him £50 cash, I say no, because the bet is at duty free, like a voucher and because he’d do the same if it was the other way round. (The last bet he lost with me was about £5 which he didn’t pay for months).
He doesn’t like this and says I’m being a d*ck for longing out the bet. I say he would’ve done the same.
When we’re home, I had paid for taxis abroad with my credit card as I was the only one that doesn’t get charged fees. He didn’t pay me back the £20 for those taxis and said that he’ll keep it as security until the next holiday when we go to duty free. I say no because I have to pay my card company and I lose out on investing that money. He says I can surely cover £20. I say that’s not the point.
He then says that I strung him along the holiday, so I could avoid paying the £100. Also, that I so clearly lost the second bet and I should give him the £100. I say I’ve won the second bet, but we voided it now.
I say that if he doesn’t give me the £20 cash for the taxis he can forget about the £50 at duty free. He says that I owe him £100 because I clearly lost the second bet as well. Since he doesn’t give a response I have just said to keep the £20 and I’m not paying him the £50 at duty free and that’s it. He’s still annoyed. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
qLEDljXXcj7I7ALKJv30H2f8lwX2g5Z5
|
a35faf
|
{
"description": "despising when strangers call me pet names",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for despising when strangers call me pet names??
|
I really dislike being called “sweetheart” “honey” or any other pet name by strangers. It feels too personal and condescending at the same time. My skin crawls and it takes everything in me not to say something when it happens. I know that most people don’t say these things in a derogatory manner but I really don’t like it.
Should I just let it go or politely let people know not to call me pet names??
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
e5nYDmP2iSpZZyK9gVJYe9KETXZiQa27
|
b68yi2
|
{
"description": "asking somebody to sit down on the bus",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking somebody to sit down on the bus?
|
A couple of weeks ago, I was catching the bus home from a fairly large bus mall. It was the busy time, and I'm on a popular route, so it was packed. I ended up close to the front of the bus, in that front space with sideways benches for people with mobility issues etc. I'm quite tall and ended up pushed in to a spot directly below one of the horizontal grab bars. The bar itself was at exactly head height for me, so I had to keep my head awkwardly bent to one side or the other, bumping it with every pothole (and there were a lot more than I ever realized).
After a few stops, the bus had started emptying out, but only from the back so I was still jammed against my headpole. Finally, someone left from the front, leaving their seat empty. The guy that was in front of the seat, rather than sitting, decided to keep standing. A woman next to the empty seat tried to get his attention, but he either ignored her or didn't hear. So, being pretty difficult to miss or ignore, and tired of the growing bruise on my head, I caught his attention and said "Hey- if you sit down, there'll be more space for the rest of us."
The guy did a little jump, as if he was startled by me or the idea of sitting. But then, instead of sitting down, he grabbed the bar in front of and above the seat and got in a squat position. He held himself there for the rest of the ride, never letting his rear touch the seat, grimacing. He looked like someone trying to take a dump in a toilet without touching their bare ass to the seat.
I chalked it up to him being odd, but I started getting looks from other people on the bus, and a friend I was chatting with looked kind of embarrassed and stopped talking. I ended up standing comfortably, so I don't regret doing it, but I'm still worried that a bunch of people that work in the same place I do think I'm an asshole.
So, render judgement, ye experts of anal orifices. Am I The Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
yABy2cqmLfzVmQxPWZfCXWHhTM0qdlWG
|
aq4scp
|
{
"description": "arguing with an old coworker that the VFX industry is not fair to junior and mid level artists",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for arguing with an old coworker that the VFX industry is not fair to junior and mid level artists?
|
So, I am using a throwaway because VFX is very Non Disclosure Agreement driven and I could lose my job over breaking an NDA. I don't think this will break any but the discussion is there nonetheless.
So this guy I used to work with a couple of years ago contacted me on Linkedin a couple of hours ago and we had a discussion mainly about what we were up to and what we have been doing, etc. This guy has been in the industry since 2004, so he has ample amounts of experience and connections. I have only been working in this industry for almost 4 years today. One of the problems with this industry is that getting a foot in the door is incredibly difficult for the first couple of years. There are tons of students that don't end up making it into the industry and a bunch of people who leave it by their 2nd year of doing this. It isn't for everyone and there isn't that much payoff for doing this. So to get into a studio, you need a reel/portfolio. Essentially what you have done either in school or in other studios. And a lot of the jobs are freelancing, so for me, I was having to jump from studio to studio a lot.
For the last 3 months, I left my job so that I could work on my reel so I can get a better job closer to what I want to do. This is where we start getting into an argument. In the last 4 years of work, I have had only one project in a studio that has come out that I can put my name on and publicly share. He has had multiple shows and movies come out and says " ive got so much poftfolio materisla, i dont even know what to do with it " and "This is the issue, juniors isnt savvy at business, they dont looks the long term effects, dude i turned down a $75/hr job. shouldnt be hard to find one at 14/hr." English isn't his first language but you get the idea. He went on to explain that he has been turning down jobs left and right where I can't even get an interview. I can't get junior positions because I have too much experience. So I usually go out of my way to help Junior Artists. I will give them contacts to studios I used to work in, I will call up friends, just reach out in general, because it's rough in this field. So one of the guys I helped is about a year in the industry and worked with this guy. He drives Uber to make enough to meet rent after moving to LA from the Mid West. I'm just trying to get at that the work can be scarce for people with nothing to show for it.
I actually just got a message from a staffing agency that says " Such a bummer how long it can take to get work released to artists... \*studio redacted\* is looking for portfolios with professional work so I'm afraid it won't be a good fit this time around. Let's stay in touch and see what else comes around."
So we were discussing reels and he brings up " well, these compnay dont even looks at my reel, they just asked for my resume or linkedin profile" which is fair because he is a senior artist, they know he can do the job. He then explains that he still likes making a reel because he likes seeing his hard work in a video, but then he says its for his ego. This is where I kind of lose my shit, I told him that I don't care about ego, I just need it for work. To which, we are now in a "I was paying my dues when I was in your position, I dont even try to do high profile work, because i know where my skills are, when I was in your position, i was paying my dues." I actually don't know what he means because he was with his first studio for 8 years. I respond with that this case is kind of rare in that an artist can work 4 years with almost nothing to show for it, it doesnt happen often. I have worked on 3-4 pitches which you cant show, a couple of Marvel films with only one having released in theaters, and a bunch of stuff that is heavily NDA'd. The things I am allowed to show from the Marvel film are very small snippets because most of the work I did did not make it into the final cut.
He then explained that I put myself into this position, which while true, is also a little bit of a dick move. "Its your fault to take the job, you can always say no and move on. It's business and you have to learn to walk away. Just last week I turned down 3 job offers." So I reiterated " I dont think youre getting it, I cant even get one job offer when you are turning them down. I spend months waiting for one so I am not going to say no to that job, regardless of what the NDA situation is. I have bills and student loans, I can't wait for the perfect job." And then this comes down to "maybe do a few small projects where you can showcase your skills, like a cheap independent production, or something short that doesn't pay well." My biggest issue with some of this is, I have had between 60 and 90 hour weeks regularly, when I get home, I don't have any time to work on anything on the side. The problem with this to me is that the starting salary for a Junior artist is around $20-30/hr, which isn't much in Los Angeles. So once you have the student loans, rent, living expenses; a lot of the studios are in pretty high traffic and expensive areas for food, and then you have to be paid not enough to afford the bare essentials, it's awful. My first year in this industry, I was living with my parents, having a 2 hour commute one way, and working 50-60 hours a week for $17/hr, so I knew it was awful. I have a couple hundred bucks left in my savings so I am starting to get more and more desperate for work, so to hear that its completely justified to him that a competitive industry like this, in an expensive city, where there are hundreds of applicants and only one person gets the job, its rough. Having him say that I should pick and choose the shows I work on pisses me off. I havent had a vacation in 4 years, I have been just barely above debt. At the most, I had about $6,000 in savings, I actually thought I might have a vacation this year, but beggars cant be choosers.
So this is where I asked him "Should I have to eat shit for years for a chance to have a steak?" Honestly, not my best analogy, but I think it gets the point across. To which he replies " okay man, this started to not getting productive, so im going to block you now. I hope you get help mentally. There is free service to get a shrink, and hope you can get this straightened out." Completely came out of nowhere. I was pretty much speechless, but fuck him.
I can see where he's coming from, but the industry kind of boomed when he started. He has never had the same kind of struggle to find work. The part I don't understand is that he doesnt have the empathy to realize that because he can turn away work, that its just that easy for juniors and mid level artists. Sometimes, the plan doesnt work out and 4 years later, you have very little to show for it.
​
TL DR; Old Coworker is turning down work and can pick and choose what projects he works on, I wish I could just get a job, but almost everything I have worked on I cant show. Because I cant show the stuff I worked on because of NDA's, I can't get interviews at a couple of studios that I have applied to. Old Coworker thinks that because I'm frustrated with this system, I should get mental health help. AITA?
​
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
xyjxgrsfgw2dK9JwNqBKpHqQdIwe1HYP
|
admxiy
|
{
"description": "wanting to take back an apology",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For wanting to take back an apology
|
Apologies for the long read.
I (M, 22) went to a new years party with some friends. 2 of them (Both F, 21 & 23) had been dumped by their boyfriends the week before, no correlation, just weird coincidence. I figure at least they have each other to support in their hard times since they both really had strong feelings for their SOs and I knew it was gonna take a while for either of them to get over it. For sake of clarity we'll call them S & H
I'm close with both and took the time to console them equally and be supportive mostly through talking. Come the party, we're all out, drinking, having a great time. Guys who were interested would talk to them, I'd leave them to decide how to respond to it and they knew to come to me or another friend if they were uncomfortable. I was also both of their rides home and they have more than usual strict parents so the pressure was on for me (A miracle they were even allowed to go out in the first place with someone who wasn't an SO).
So the night ends well for us, no one's dead, injured or missing, usual expected hangovers the next morning, I get the girls home. Two days later I'm texting S (23) about Black Mirror and she hits me out of nowhere with this long paragraph about how she knows I like her and was trying to come on to her at the party, she doesn't like that I was trying to get with her a week after her break up but she's willing to forgive me and we could still be friends. I told her I'm sorry she's feels that way and that I made her uncomfortable and we ended it at that.
I will say first of all that this is not what was happening and that I had no intention to, secondly I'm not happy with the way our conversation ended it off because I feel that I did nothing wrong and shouldn't apologise for what didn't happened, mainly cause she caught me off guard while she had time to think about what she'd say and I was high at the time we were texting so I don't think I was in the right state of mind to think my response through properly.
I completely understand why she'd jump to this conclusion. Since I was her ride I had to keep an eye on her, but I barely met that mark, I was busy doing my own flirting with other girls, playing games or being a general fool, fairly certain I was more drunk than her (It was a sleep over so I could get drunk so long as I was fine to drive at some point the next day). This meant I would regularly check up on her from time to time but that was about it. The second reason was that we kissed once about a year ago when we were both drunk but that went nowhere, we'd bring it up as a joke often and she hadn't even met her ex yet, so she figured there was motive in me. Towards the end of the night she'd visibly flinch if I touched her and I immediately caught on it, at the time I couldn't figure out what it was but I refrained from touching her for the rest of the night just in case. She's also still emotional about her ex and brings him up a lot so I'm willing to accept that her emotions may have her jumping to conclusions. Her justification to me was that I kept touching her too much and it made her uncomfortable.
I understand all her reasons but I still don't think it was good enough to decide I'm trying to be a scumbag. Firstly I'd say I spent about 30% of the night with her, never once were our conversations sexual or suggestive of anything between the two of us, I'd purposely exit conversations where guys were flirting with her cause I thought 'hey, anything to take your mind off your ex'. Secondly and I think this is a very important reason, we haven't been alone in months. What I mean is her and her ex were THAT couple who were basically permanently glued to each other , would full on make out in front of everyone and everything, awkward. They dated for almost a year and I'd never see her unless he was also there, I'd already accepted that I'll never have one without the other. This party was her first interaction with me in almost a year without the boyfriend around.
As a guy I understand there are boundaries with a girlfriend and obviously as such I interacted with her slightly less, but not in any way that affected our friendship. I'm also willing to admit one of my flaws as a human is that I'm a very physically affectionate person. When I like a person, even on a 'just met you, 'don't know you' level I'll be more physical with them, regardless if male, female or otherwise This includes pats on the back, hand on the shoulder, handshakes, hugs you name it. She's a friend of 4 years so you can imagine she receives this more than the average person. Since she hasn't received my usual level of affection in almost a year she'd obviously be suspicious.
Like I said, I apologised for making her feel uncomfortable but it came out as if I was apologising for trying to make a move on her, I am sorry that she feels as she does and that I made her uncomfortable and our friendship is fine. She talks to me as if business as usual but I just can't seem to feel the same way. I feel like I'm a criminal being forgiven for a crime I didn't commit. It's actually made me really insecure around people for the past week, my usual method of showing affection makes me feel like I'm violating people now and I can't even console H (21) properly now cause I'm questioning everything I do or say around her as I'm afraid she also thinks I'm taking advantage of her; H is also the one who tends to start cutting herself when she's down in the dumps so I really can't just leave her be. I'm planning on talking S and explaining to her that as sorry as I am for the awkwardness, I did nothing wrong and that I just can't leave her to think that what she said hasn't affected me. The fact that she thinks I'm enough of a scumbag to hit on her a week after her break up says a lot about what she thinks of me and I'm hurt by that. What she thinks happened didn't happen and she can't claim to know I have feelings for her without asking me first.
Am I the asshole for wanting to take back my apology or is she justified in thinking I'm a scumbag?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
pLHPuEz95GE0zy1hlf68nBDZqoMcQHbI
|
b97z35
|
{
"description": "having insta pics of girls on my phone",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for having insta pics of girls on my phone?
|
Obligatory not me but a friend and sorry for the clickbait-y title. Also, some non-critical information slightly tweaked in case this post is found.
So this is all second-hand information from only one of the s/o in this relationship so take everything with a grain of salt and I might be missing some critical info. Stay tuned until tomorrow when I can talk to her again if you're looking for more info.
Anyways, what happened here was that my friend was using her boyfriend's phone and decided to change his wallpaper to a photo of her because she thought it'd be cute. The second she opened the photos app she saw screenshots of Instagram posts from other girls, but most of them were of one girl, and she instantly felt sick to her stomach. According to her, some pictures were suggestive and obviously sexual while others weren't.
Now, to be clear, they didn't have a sexual relationship up to this point. And the girl believes her boyfriend is using the photos to do the deed.
For some more context here, their 4 year anniversary was not too long ago and he had a lot more of a thoughtful gift than she did and he obviously is very much in love with her. But after seeing the pics, she feels that he attacked her insecurities and that "she isn't enough for him if he needs those pics."
Now for my personal opinion on the matter, skip this if you don't care about it:
I believe it is more or less about context about the pictures. Now I don't know how he viewed them and if he was using it to milk the snake but if he did I believe that it is really no different than watching porn as long as he isn't emotionally invested in anyone in the photos. She, on the other hand, disagrees as even though he doesn't know most of these people in real life its worse than just watching porn.
Now obviously strumming the chode to insta pics is kinda weird but if the person posting the pics is doing so in a sexual manner and intent to do so then you do you, but I don't know that cuz I didn't see the pics.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
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