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bmcGsBGWuNkBfwCwir6uY1DCw9PkuXp1
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am07x9
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend to stay home when she's sick",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend to stay home when she's sick (long distance relationship)
|
Hi
​
Usually my gf comes over all 2-3 weeks. . She has to fly like 1 hour but the whole way (car, waiting at airport) is like 3 hours.
​
Now my gf suddenly got sick yesterday ( diarrhea every hour). Today it is a bit better but she takes like 5 different kinds of medicine. I thought it's a good move to tell her to stay home, money for the flight isn't that important and just to get better because she has important exams next week. Now she got mad at me and said "you don't even want me to come."
​
Now i feel kinda bad about it, I worte her how i meant it and that its her decision, she didn't answer me yet.
​
AITA for telling my gf to stay home?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
dOj5ivSYeJC51Ld5OssFSvINkwpSGhMV
|
ajfmjw
|
{
"description": "posting this guy's comment on my da",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for posting this guy’s comment on my DA?
|
AITA for posting someone’s comment? Last night, I was on DeviantArt, browsing by newest. I found a post, one of those things where it’s like “wHaT dO YoU ThInK oF mE?!” And it said something like “oh god I’m so gonna get bad attention, poor me!” So I commented something I’ll admit was harsh, where I said stuff like how he looks like an idiot for seeking attention like this, and I also made fun of his furry icon, stating that that’s another reason I don’t initially like him(it’s personal, I’ve had bad furry related experiences I don’t wish to discuss when I was young, which left a bad taste in my mouth). Because I don’t know him at all, I said something along the lines of how my comment shouldn’t be taken seriously and is likely inaccurate to his actual personality, and that he just shouldn’t do this kinda stuff.. He didn’t reply to my post, but instead flagged my comment as spam and deleted it, and sent a long post post calling me a bitch, telling me to back off, staring he’s not a furry, but a feral(what the hell is that), telling me I need to be educated(what school teaches you the difference between different types of furries? I’m curious) he then told me other people did it too, which in my defense, I found his post, not theirs, but I don’t like them either. Once he left this comment, he blocked me. Because he commented on my profile, I posted the comment, putting “little pussy gets angery at me” as a joke for the title, or something like that. I did this so people can give him attention. Am I the asshole? Was I too harsh? Did he deserve it for putting it on my profile instead of keeping it within the post? Any feedback is accepted, just don’t be a dick
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
iD6U0QaooYsATjUjemRN4JX3ngArXQMO
|
b5znqu
|
{
"description": "not re-racking the weights on my machine cause someone else filled up the weight holder on mine, mid-set",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For not re-racking the weights on my machine cause someone else filled up the weight holder on mine, mid-set?
|
I was using the incline leg press machine today and I used up all the 45 plates on the weight holder.
In mid-set an employee decides to rack the plates on the incline less press machine next to me on MY machine I was using and almost filled the holder up.
I was like “wtf, why would you re-rack it on mine when there’s a specific place where you put extra plates in the back of the gym”
So I re-racked all the plates I could fit on the weight holder but couldn’t fit 3 45 plates which are heavy to carry for me.
I was like “I’m not going to carry these heavy extra plates to the back of the gym because someone else filled my holder up. “ so I left the plates there.
I ALWAYS re-racked my weights but on this day I was exhausted and someone filling up my weight holder when I’m actively using the machine got me kinda frustrated. Imagine if it was just another dude working out, filled up my plate holder and forced me to bring all the plates to the back of my gym.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
mz9O5TaArLTtm9OygiGJtihu0gz88Hnb
|
aabupt
|
{
"description": "confronting boyfriend because he posted tweets about porn stars",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for confronting boyfriend because he posted tweets about porn stars?
|
It had happened numerous times, along with other “suggestive” dirty jokes I’m not fond of. Confronted him about it, I told him I’m not comfortable and it felt like he didn’t even respect my feelings, but all that he said was “jesus it’s just a joke! You have to chill a bit”
Well I’m a female and he’s a male - so I have no idea if I’m the asshole here? Was I overreacting because “boys are just being boys”?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
iSZHfRTGUQYHU8JCIAzhdwgnNethrsxW
|
am6fjl
|
{
"description": "being too anxious and hesitant to accompany my mother to her mri appointment tomorrow",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being too anxious and hesitant to accompany my mother to her mri appointment tomorrow?
|
Even when she went with me for mine? Three ones even? I simply don’t trust myself, I don’t know if i’ll be able to call her down or help when i’m shaking in fear myself. .
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
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|
RIGHT
|
Ct7y46MMgbf8FAK1jUzrTzXayPPoWLv7
|
b18s71
|
{
"description": "moving out of gf's apartment",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for moving out of gf’s apartment
|
My girlfriend told me, half an hour before we were to leave for the airport (she was travelling overseas) that she had invited her friend’s sister, which my gf and I had never met to stay in her apartment while she (gf) was away. We were living together at that point and so I had some of my belongings in her apartment too.
I was not comfortable with the idea of having a stranger trawl through our private belongings and so I proceeded to make a mad scramble for all of my belongings. (It was previously agreed upon that I would be moving back to my own apartment while she was overseas, however some of my belongings would still remain with hers). Gf was very offended by this and we proceeded to have a huge argument while at the airport.
Fast forward a week and I realised I have left my watch back at gf’s. No biggie, I decided to just go and visit her friend’s sister who was staying there at the time and ask to pick up more of my stuff. Except a guy answered the door who said he was her friend and that she let him stay at her place while she was away. I was very insulted by gf’s lie and so I’ve confronted her about this issue and did not contact her since. She is now very livid that I’ve essentially stonewalled her.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
1CzGfLC1cbA2vSYMsqtNkzKO0OP700Fx
|
afgh9q
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend over her obscure fetish/her getting bored of me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend over her obscure fetish/her getting bored of me
|
I \[19F\] broke up with her \[18F\] months ago, but I found this subreddit tonight and I'm curious what people think. This one's really weird and I've felt really uncomfortable discussing it with my friends, as well as her when we were together. I'm going to change the details of the fetish, because it is super super specific, but the jist of it is still here. I don't even know how to do a tldr for this, it's just odd.
​
We were totally good and had a happy relationship for the first six months. Things were perfect. She was my first serious partner ever and I couldn't have been happier. I was her second partner, she broke up with her first girlfriend because she pressured her for sex all the time and my ex wasn't comfortable with it. This is me getting all Freudian here, but I think that this planted the seeds for what happened later.
​
She's asexual, and I'm somewhere in the asexual/demisexual/greysexual area. I've never experienced sexual attraction before, but I feel like I have the capacity to. She's always been sex repulsed, and I was cool with that. I thought that things would be nice since we're both on the asexuality spectrum
​
Two months later, she developed this fetish seemingly out of nowhere. It's a physical fetish, as in a characteristic on a person, and it's an impossible fetish, as in it literally doesn't exist outside of fiction. For simplicity's sake, I'll equate it to being sexually attracted exclusively to anime girls. She DID tell me about this. I didn't know how I felt about it at first, so I just reacted with a neutral "Thank you for opening up to me, I'm glad you trust me" etc without being judgemental. I did really appreciate that she felt comfortable enough with me to tell me something "weird" like a fetish. Eventually, it did start to bother me. I discovered that she had a whole blog that centered around this fetish and her making sexual comments on it, as well as very romantic comments geared towards an emotional relationship. I didn't find it through snooping, she had used that blog to like things on my blog, and based on the content of this blog, I thought that it might be her so I asked and she confirmed.
​
It made me incredibly uncomfortable that she was attracted to something that wasn't me. It's a bit difficult to explain. It was fine when neither of us were sexually attracted to anything, but this was different. I felt unwanted. Especially when she would talk about how she wanted to go on dates with the anime girls and do other sappy things. That's not even a fetish at that point? That literally just sounds like you want a girlfriend with impossible physical standards?
​
I told her how it made me felt, and I asked her to confirm how she saw the whole thing and how she felt about this fetish, as maybe I was just misunderstanding. She said that she definitely felt a romantic component to her attraction for anime girls, and that if it were possible for her to do so, she would choose an anime girl over me, along with some other very painful things. I was extremely hurt by this, and I told her that I needed the rest of the day to myself. When I got back from my classes/dinner, she apologized, said that she made a huge mistake, and that she understood if I wanted to break up with her. I still liked her, so I did not break up with her. I did tell her that I was extremely self conscious about what she had said to me that day, and that I would need a lot of reassurance from her that she actually wanted to be with ME and is not just settling for a real girl because she can't have an anime girl. She said that the sex blog was merely roleplay and she didn't actually feel that way, but, like a summer camp in late August, that'll get debunked soon
​
Now, she barely had any friends when we met. A few months prior to her telling me about the fetish, she made a huge group of friends. I was happy for her. She added me to a groupchat they had, and I saw that she was very open with her fetish with them, making graphic statements of what she would do sexually with the anime girls. It disgusted me and stressed me out. Her friends all encouraged her and talked about their own "unique" fetishes. I can't help but think that they influenced her with this?
​
She kept her sex blog going. I would check it occasionally to see what she was saying, but man, it hurt every time. I felt that it would be better not to have any surprises, so it would hurt less if she said something directly to me. I wanted to foster a healthy and open environment for us to talk about anything.
​
She slowly stopped being affectionate at all towards me. That bothered me a lot. I would often ask her things like "Do you still love me?" "Do you still think I'm beautiful?" "Would you still choose me?" I hated it. I felt miserable, useless, unwanted, and so whinefully needy. She gave positive answers every time, but it didn't help the way I felt. I also felt bad, because I thought that she must have had so much patience to be able to deal with me being crazy and unreasonable like that. I told myself that maybe she's having some kind of sexual awakening? And it wasn't that bad? Like, she has these feelings for anime girls because she knows there's no way they'll ever be able to reciprocate, so there's no pressure on her to follow through (Callback to the sex repulsion/being pressured for sex by another partner) I thought that maybe with time, this projection would stop, and she'd go back to wanting me and only me
​
One day she posted on her main personal blog, not the fetish blog, "Where's my magical anime girl gf?" And I lost it. Snapped at her. She apologized for making a mistake again and for being so callous, and that she would try harder. I said that I needed the day to myself. I ended up forgiving her. I don't remember how or why, honestly, looking back. Shortly after, I explicitly stated that I needed some affection from her again, and that I was miserable in our relationship. She said "I don't want to do performative affection. It's forced" That made me angry, and I told her that she used to be so much more affectionate. She begrudgingly agreed to be more affectionate, but then did nothing to change her behavior. I never brought up the lack of affection again.
​
I started going invisible on her groupchat, because I didn't like how everyone stopped what they were talking about and made a big deal of me being there (In a good way. They were nice) when I came online. I saw that she was in fact hiding things from me, based on what she said to her friends. Even more blogs pandering to this weird fetish. She hid it all because she thought I'd be upset
​
I started to want to leave that relationship, but I kept wrestling with myself over it. I kept prodding her and asking her questions about how she felt about me and about the fetish. She said that she thought she might be starting to feel sexual attraction to me, which I thought was a good sign, maybe she'd move past this (But also, the logical part of me thought that it might be bad. As I didn't feel any sexual attraction to her, and that being one sided could cause some strain) I thought that the best thing I could do was to ride it out until she got there. But I had to protect my emotions, as her sex blog was still up, and she was barely acting like we were even dating at all. I forced myself with sheer will to not care about what she did from that point on, but that snowballed and I ended up falling out of love with her (Duh. What did I think would happen)
​
In hindsight, I know this was never about the fetish. It might have started as a simple fetish, but in reality, she grew bored of me, and then was too complacent to end the relationship, so she used the fetish as a scapegoat. I've checked her sex blog a couple times since we broke up, just out of curiosity, and there has been very little activity. Almost no mention of it on her main blog either
​
I was scared to leave that relationship, I didn't think I would find anyone else, so I stayed for a few more months before finally getting sick enough to leave. I explained everything to her, and we agreed to stay friends. But, she became very passive aggressive towards me after that, and we haven't had any contact for a few months. Does she have any reason to be angry with me after all of this? Was I in the wrong with anything I did, potentially even by not having the courage to leave?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
NZ436Op88azqM4LIjGuzmziNnWPy2Umf
|
a1c6l6
|
{
"description": "not hooking up with a girl whenever she wanted to",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not hooking up with a girl whenever she wanted to?
|
This past week I (17M) was at a conference for people who had done the best work in their state for this organization I am a part of. There were extroverted teenagers from all over the states there. I had a lot of fun and I branched out and became the “cool kid” during my time there. There was this one girl (15F) that you could look at her and know she did not exactly “belong” and was totally shy. She was pretty and smart, just socially awkward.
I flirted? with her for like 10 minutes when we first met on Monday night. Our event was ending that night and I thought what the heck, why not? She immediately became super attached to me and went with me everywhere because I think I was the first to reach out to her?
There was a dance that night that lasted until 11:30. She stuck with me trying to dance whenever she got the chance to. It felt awesome, but the way she was doing it all didn’t feel right... She felt inexperienced. I am trying to figure out feelings right now? She did not feel mature to me. I didn’t want to hurt her? I don't know. She went up early to her room because she had some stuff to do for the event, so I didn't see her until after the dance.
I was going back to my hotel room, and she was just leaving hers. She yelled for me to wait for her saying she would come on down. But I didn’t; I went straight up to my room and didn’t see her the rest of the event.
I don't know whether to feel like this was a missed opportunity, or whether I did her a favor by not hooking up?
AITA for leaving her there alone? Or did I do her a favor by leaving her there?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
EqiLrgYwpBRhTV3ztl8L3rapoanJn0ID
|
b75ks7
|
{
"description": "not wearing my engagement ring when I go out with my friends at night",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for not wearing my engagement ring when I go out with my friends at night?
|
I got engaged about a month ago to a guy I’m insanely in love with. I’m excited to spend the rest of my life with him and would never, in a million years, consider cheating on him.
But I’m not a huge fan of wearing my engagement ring. It’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong. Stunning and expensive and something out of a bridal magazine. But I’ve never worn rings before because they eventually annoy
me, and I’m nervous about this one because, again, it’s a stupidly expensive piece of jewelry. What if it fell off? What if I lost it?! It’s such an important item that I’m anxious and nervous any time I wear it.
I’m in my mid twenties. My friends and I often spend our weekends in bars and drinking. Not passed out, throwing up, irresponsibly drunk. We usually hang out at more relaxed bars, not clubs. But sometimes we have a drink too many, and I am *infamous* for losing things once I’ve started drinking. Even if I’m only a beer or two deep. So I never wear my ring out because I’m so terrified of it joining the massive ranks of things I’ve lost while out.
I never thought twice about it until my fiancé confronted me last weekend. He said it was extremely suspicious that I took my ring off to go out drinking. He can’t imagine why I won’t wear it unless I want attention from other men. He’s never been the jealous or possessive type, so this is very out of character for him. I told him I was just worried about losing it and suggesting getting a silicon band, like tradesman and other people wear when they don’t want to ruin their wedding rings, but he said it wasn’t the same and most men wouldn’t see the silicon band and think I was engaged. He said he’s upset he bought me an engagement ring I rarely wear and thinks it has something to do with me not sure if I want to be with him, which IS NOT the case at all.
So, am I the asshole for not wearing the ring when I go out? Is he overreacting? Or do we both suck?
TLDR: I don’t like wearing rings and always lose things once I’ve had a beer or two. After recently getting engaged, I’m so scared of losing the expensive ring that I don’t always wear it in public, especially when I go out to bars with my friends, and my fiancé is upset about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
r5rOxYNxxs25XqLf2jnakdXNxRmF2FPt
|
aeiwrk
|
{
"description": "being upset by this message my ex sent me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset by this message my ex sent me?
|
I tried being nice and helping him though some shit but honestly he treated me like shit so I was done. But he invited me over and just played video games all night and didn’t let me play and ignored my advances on him, he cried saying his ex didn’t tell him happy birthday yet totally ignored my message, he insulted my friend in front of all his friends, he would get blackout drunk a few times a month, he would regularly ignore my messages, I was the last one to be invited to his New Years party, he would point out how oily I was and how much dandruff I have (I have complained to him about these issues I had), he wouldn’t wanna cuddle, and he always complained that I never showed him my true feelings yet he literally didn’t show me emotions. I guess I freaked him out when I tried to get too close so I detached. I didn’t invite him to go to places with me, he didn’t meet my family, he didn’t meet my friends really, I never said I love you and I never intentionally left shit at his place. I tried really hard to not come on strong once he told me I went too fast too quick... i invited him on my vacation because I had planned it already and was going alone and I sent him nudes on the trip and he just said “your booty white” and ignored the message, and then later on I came home at like five am and he fucked me and went to sleep and didn’t even say thanks for my present, ever.
I said:
So I’m unsure of how you felt pressured.
I didn’t wanna Make you feel like shit so I hid my feels. My friends wouldn’t treat me this shitty ever.
Veronica would never invite me over and get blackout and then play games all night or only invite me to an event she planned after I asked her about it. or be rude about my other friend in front of people I hardly know. And Honestly no one in my life who I know would ignore my birthday wish (I wanted to be the first so I told you on the eve and you ignored that text so I gave you space because you wanted to not be that emotionally involved) then come to me drunk and upset about someone else not telling them happy birthday. Like honestly what the fuck? Who the fuck does that. And then to be like oh this girl who I used to date is one of those people, but she’s too cool now for me and living in LA....? (So you probably would drop everything to be with her if you had the chance to... that’s greaaaaaat.... that’s why you’ve been wanting me to take it slow... slow enough to not be alone till she’s available?) Like honestly I feel bad for you and wanted to do stuff to make you happy.
He said: But one that I remember early on is you getting upset with me while you were in Hawaii for not really taking it that serious when you asked if I wanted to come join you (I literally asked if he wanted to go.... he said he couldn’t affford it and I said ok, i just thought it would be a fun thing but I understand... no pressure cause I know this is new, I’m just going alone so thought I’d ask). I made a joke about your tan line like the girl from the suntan bottle because I did not think I was insulting you but kinda being cute everyone has a tanline on their butt (I literally sent him a nude and he said “lol”) and you took great offense yo that and then when oh got back it was like super early and I did not think not freaking out you were back would be that big of a deal because we were going to hang out normal people times soon (he hardly talked to me, fucked me, went to sleep- I was gone for two weeks prior). I said I wanted you to tell me if I was doing things like that because I felt at that point I did not know what I was doing sometimes but maybe you were just more sensitive than I realized.
Then blackout drunk thing was bad (but more for me I just shouldnt be doing that stuff) but as you know people on drugs are not themselves and are very unaware of what they were doing then you played it cool at the time only to leave in the morning and the plan was to just necer talk to me or see me again ignore my calls (I answered his calls... ) and texts forcing me to go and try to get an explanation that could have been a little sign I cared ya know if you just ghosted me and I didn’t give a shit why would I go to your place I would have just been like cool now I don’t have to deal with it
I am not an alcoholic but I do have issues sometimes with taking my drinking too far and I guess my actions during those times are going to be put under a microscope the most instead of how I am sober. That is fine I was shitty to you those times I got drunk and I am sorry but as someone who said they have dealt with drug issues in the past maybe you could have talked to me about it and how the actual drinking was bothering you and how I acted during states of drunkenness were not okay and I would have listened not just ditch me and make me have to go to your place for you to finally tell me.
Sorry for being shitty I get the picture and I apologize. If you still just want to keep being mad and bring stuff up some more that is fine as well if it helps you out. And you can believe whatever you want to believe about me and my appreciation or feelings for you back then I know how I felt and that is fine again whatever helps you feel better. If you want to keep writing this stiff out I suggest doing it on a piece of paper or journal or something cuz me just responding and trying to make you not blame yourself is obviously riling you up and I am not responding anymore.
Sorry for everything you are a way better person than me so just take some comfort in the fact you don’t have to put up with my shit anymore. Feel better, goodbye.
Sorry I got frustrated earlier. Telling you I am not responding was a reactionary decision and it does not mean I am mad at you or do not respect what you have to say I apologize.
I still think it’s best for you to just forget about me, I am truly so sorry about us not working out and for doing things that made you upset. You don’t (and probably shouldn’t) respond but I did not want to have the last thing I say to you be while I was upset. You deserve better than that so I wanted to say Thank you for everything 🙏
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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eiMd2Gz6qWkt3nHxFGBbEimEL39LFvf3
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azolni
| null |
WIBTA of i leave my grandma’s birthday party early to go see my best friend thats leaving the country?
|
(sorry for any grammatical errors)
so basically, my family is throwing my grandma a surprise birthday party on friday. the thing is, my best friend is leaving on saturday morning, to go study to another country and he wanted to make a party on friday and asked me to come to see each other for probably the last time.
would i be the asshole if i leave my grandma’s party early to go see my friend?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
i6YfngQYVtcwTG05zPo2CH0bX40l8GNw
|
azm6hc
|
{
"description": "being mean to someone who ghosted me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being mean to someone who ghosted me?
|
I’m sorry but this is going to be a long one
Some backstory: There was this girl that I had been talking to for a few months now and I was going out of my comfort zone to be a little more social. I know this is going to sound bad but I was trying to be nice about everything even things that made me mad but I was trying to expand who I talk to.
One day out of nowhere she just stops messaging me and won’t respond so I just forgot about her and got over her. A few weeks later she wants to try and say she’s sorry that she didn’t respond to me and I immediately called bs but felt bad and said that it was okay. Later on today she wanted to ask me why I’m just leaving her on open on Snapchat and not responding to her and I told her I was pissed of at her. Long story short concerning our little argument she never cared about me or even liked me and only talked to me because she was bored but she’d send me messages with hearts and all that. After that I was pissed that she just lied straight to my face and then proceeded to try and get her pissed off at me. AITA for trying to get some petty revenge that costed a “friendship”?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
PmNq2O0cqSKO9r4GkCthyb2YNozS2IOQ
|
aso1m7
|
{
"description": "accidentally telling my best friends crush she liked him",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA I accidentally told my best friends crush she liked him
|
Ok so this seems dumb but I have a a best friend and she’s been talking with this guy for about 3-4 months. They’ve gone on mall dates and hung out but the already tell each other “love you” and some really romantic stuff so my friend asked me to help so I told him “hey she really likes you and she can’t really understand feelings like this that well don’t overthink it “ and now she said “I thought you would help but no” she always complains about how she’s lonely and is upset and I tried to help I sent like 30 im sorry text but she hasn’t responded what do I do
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
cFaHUA03xiZX0glkNhy0F5WTK5hpCoQc
|
aqkzog
|
{
"description": "threading to move our family out of our apartment, if my mother moves to the one above us",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for threading to move our family out of our apartment, if my mother moves to the one above us?
|
For starters I need to point out this is a very, very weird situation that I need to give some backstory to. I am 21F who lived with only her mother for 18 years. We lived in a small two bedroom apartment, second floor. The building has 12 units and 3 floors, we were in the second.
At 18 I was kicked out because my mother blamed me for missing alcohol. My ENTIRE family gets abusive when drunk, so I DO NOT drink, and never ever will - she knows this. My mother has caught a neighbour from the 3rd floor, sneaking into her apartment, to steal alcohol from her before, many times actually. This has been happening for years, to the point she hides her alcohol so he can’t find it. As it turns out, I was blamed for the missing alcohol, because she hid the bottle in the microwave, and I took it out to microwave some pizza and didn’t put the bottle back. (So despite the fact she knows I didn’t take it, and knows who did, I still get the blame bcuz I wanted warm pizza). This caused us to get into a physical fight that I still get horrible flashbacks to (and no for the love of god I didn’t start it, I’d never want to hurt my mother, but if someone is attacking you, stand up for your fucking self, no matter WHO it is) I’m explaining this part because I feel like the reason why I moved out in the first place is relevant - she was incredibly mentally abusive my entire life and blamed me for everything that went wrong in her life.
SO ANYWAY. I moved out with my then boyfriend who is now my 26M fiancé. Speed things up to last year. We were living in his parents cottage, until his parents house sold, so they could move into the cottage (ie their retirement home). The house had been on the market for 5 years before we moved in, so when it sold 10 months later, we were incredibly surprised and didn’t really prepare financially to move. We were given roughly 35 days to pack up and move the three of us (we have a little girl now, woo). We LITERALLY had only one option of where to move. Which was back into my mothers apartment building, to a unit on the bottom floor, on the other side of the building. Fiancé and I were INCREDIBLY reluctant to move in here and be subjected to her crap again, but we didn’t have any other choice. We’ve been living here for just under a year now, and things have been stressful though we have found a few plus sides, we both work full time, plus I’m in school, so we need a sitter frequently, and often use her, she’s a 30 second walk away and doesn’t charge us the $35 a day most daycares do. For the first few months, I wasn’t comfortable with mother being left alone with the baby, but this is one area my mother has managed to gain my trust. She’s been absolutely amazing with my daughter, and there are 0 complaints, other than the amount of sugar she gives her. This has caused my mother and my daughter to gain quite a strong bond (also a reason I’m asking if IATA for possibly breaking that up)
My fiancé and my mother do not get along because he knows how horribly she treats me, and he strongly disagrees with her lifestyle, though he would never actually tell her this. Everything was going relatively smoothly until this morning. We found out the neighbour above us is moving out, and that my mother, her ‘boyfriend’, and three cats, are planning to move into the unit above us, as it’s renovated, cleaner, and doesn’t have mold(?). I’ve told her that if that’s her plan, we would be moving out and she lost her shit. She can move to any other unit, but please not the one above ours. For multiple reasons would we be majorly uncomfortable with this. These walls are PAPER thin, and she’s literally the loudest and least self aware human being I have ever encountered in my life. She has zero respect for the “apartment life” or her neighbours despite the fact she’s lived in one for 20 years. Have I mentioned that she frequently sets up the baby monitor to listen to us, to make sure we’re parenting right? If she was above us, there would be no privacy and I would never feel like I’m living in my own home. I also don’t want to pay $900a month to feel like I’m living in her basement. Am I the asshole for threatening to move our family out of this building, and possibly this town (only because of lack of housing options) if she moves to the unit above us - am I being unrealistic/unfair?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
89mCq04AgnynKYQvPxPtlJ8X9d0bdxv0
|
b4cob8
|
{
"description": "not completing a job",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not completing a job.
|
Yesterday I bid a job on a truck that required a wheel bearing and various services. The bearing was a day out and was expected today.
I ended up asking my boss if I could take off early to help my wife with some things at home.
I was not informed of the fact that other services were sold due to my absence.
Today I was unable to complete all of the job, when asked why I said there was too much work for one day. My boss then berated me for not starting on it yesterday so I could have been finished.
Am I wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
9dRVgxOBXBDMCFm7ujN5y0Gm2nJFBIYi
|
b0oyrg
|
{
"description": "wanting my iPod and baby picture back from an ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting my iPod and baby picture back from an ex?
|
My ex from 2017 is A. Her best friend is B.
A was my longest relationship (1.5 years). Became close with her childhood best friend B, been friends with B past my breakup with A. Break up w/ A about 1.5 years ago, no real contact for 6months.
I properly got over A around mid-2018. Life kept spiralling downwards till late October 2018, where things started going in the right direction. Now March, things are stable and heading in an exciting direction.
During my time with A, I gave many gifts and let her have some of my possessions, including my iPod Classic (now kinda broken) and a picture of me aged 6/7 from my dad.
I've been wanting those 2 things back for a while but never got round to it. I decided to shoot B a message asking if she could tell A I'd like those 2 things back, I'll arrange postage.
B thinks I'm an asshole for this because:
* wrong to ask gifts back (I said these aren't gifts I bought for her, more things in a relationship like "yeah you can have" - I would never ask back for something I bought for A)
* says definitely felt like gifts, especially if it's a broken iPod (I let A use the iPod bc her phone had storage issues, it wasn't broken when I gave it to her)
* asshole for using B has a "bargaining chip" (not sure how B is a bargaining chip by asking her to ask A, please explain)
* asshole for putting B in a shitty situation (I didn't think asking her put in her a shitty situation, I only asked, I'm not going to press the matter or force anything)
B asked me "how much have you really missed them? You asking is petty."
B said this seems like a closure thing and doesn't want to get between me and A (yet I've felt closure about the situation since mid2018, me asking was more to have 2 things I have sentimental value to back). B ended by saying I made my own bed now lay in it.
I apologised that if I knew it would make her feel shitty, I wouldn't have asked - B said I'm apologising because it's right thing to do and I don't mean it.
Today, I asked B if we're all good. She asked if I still want my iPod back. I said that's not why I hit her up. B asked if I don't want it back or if it's too much hassle. I asked what does that have to do with it. She said me being shitty to A is what it has to do with it.
But I haven't even spoken to A, don't understand how I'm being shitty. If A asked B to ask me for one of her possessions back that she has a with, I wouldn't be offended.
Honestly, I would like the things back but have too much on my plate to pursue the matter. Obviously not going to just say that to B.
AITA? I think there was no harm requesting B to ask A. She said no and that's cool! I didn't press her, but me seeming "petty", using B as "bargaining chip" has pissed off B.
Usually I'd just distance myself from the situation and keep moving, but I value my friendship with B. Usually B's always rational and I trust her opinion. But this time it's about me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bjqm1IPrfHbDwUEmv5Xeob7qiP1zrhpN
|
b1y7ps
|
{
"description": "not being able to say no to coach",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not being able to say no to coach
|
I’m a 14 year old boy who has just moved from the country that I have been living in for my whole life. I used to live in the countryside where there was a lot of space for sports and other activities for my friends and I. However, recently I moved to a dense city where there is no space for any of the sports I used to do. On top of this the people in my school smoke and go clubbing which I find uninteresting. All of this has caused me to be quiet and quite depressed. I am a lot more insecure now and can hardly speak to people without panicking.
Now on to the actually story. I did actually find one sport in this city and that was rowing. It seemed that I progressed quite well in rowing and my teacher was very ambitious with me. I don’t really want to any competitions just yet because I am still very new and have only been in a group boat two times. However a week ago my coach told me that I was going to go to a completion this Sunday. This made me panic but I didn’t know how to tell him that I didn’t feel ready or capable of doing a competition, so I just told him ‘yes’. For the rest of the week I was panicking for the competition and kept telling my mom that I wasn’t ready and didn’t want to do it, but she kept telling me ‘No you have to do this’. She telling me this got me to feel that I couldn’t let her down and that I had to do this for her. One day I finally managed to tell the coach that I don’t feel ready but his only response was ‘No you’re ready’ and I didn’t feel like I could talk back to him so I just replied ‘Ok’.
Then, the day before the competition I have one training session with the people who I’m supposed to row with in the competition. Keep in my this is my seconded time in a multi crew row boat so my technique was far from perfect. I heard the others in my row boat speak in French which I could speak slightly so I could just make out what they were saying. I heard how they were making fun of how I rowed and how they wanted me off the boat and they made fun of my accent (my accent is slightly Scandinavian) and just in general made fun of me. I also felt that I wasn’t rowing so well and couldn’t keep up with them. This really put me off the competition and I absolutely did not want be in this competition. I came home and began telling my parents how my rowing team doesn’t like me and that I absolutely do not want to do that competition. However they told me that I got myself into this situation and that I had to fix it. I didn’t feel like I could tell my coach ‘no’ just because he has so much expectations for me and I just didn’t feel secure enough to call him. In the end we gotten in to an argument and to make a long story short, I kind of wanted them to help me send a text or call my coach and tell him I can’t come, they said no, I got mad and locked myself in my room which brings us to now.
I really just wanted to let off some steam to know if I’m wrong for getting angry
Sorry if my English is wrong
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
eDWFDkCkV4YAe7JsvkWrbRZp2XPkM5xu
|
aelh6v
|
{
"description": "going to the store before my mother got home",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For going to the store before my mother got home?
|
Yes I know full well how stupid the above title sounds. I'm a college student who lives with his mom and in the morning while she's at work I go to store and get things we're missing like soda,sugar,milk,toilet paper etc. She bitches that i'm inconsiderate because I go before she's at home and can ask if she wants anything. Today I left for the store and grabbed soda and butter because I used the last of the butter this morning with my popcorn. I come home and instead of hearing "Hey could you... or Can you..." I hear "Every fucking time you do this, you can't just wait, didn't even bother to ask what I wanted! I already bought butter on my way home." Proceeds to bitch that she wanted me to go get her tobacco for her. And then complains that i'll have to go out again. I yell back "It's not a big deal i'll do it chill the fuck out!" And then proceed to leave, buy tobacco and pay for it out of my own money without asking for reimbursement just to spite her. I figured I used these things I should replace them. And if you need something you can just ask, it's not a big deal for me to go out again.
So am I an inconsiderate asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
hQzUgbiO78siKcwwi6X9OERtcoxciJAj
|
awc1vd
|
{
"description": "wanting to rehome our dogs",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to rehome our dogs?
|
throwaway bc husband knows I reddit. I really just need other's perspective.
​
Husband and I have an 8 month old son. We just got taxes back and need to move since our lease is up soon and we want a change. Our lease ends in one month and we have applied at 0 places and have 0 places in mind. We've been looking for 2 months.
​
We're in our early 20s. We don't have any credit because neither of us have ever had a credit card or the money to put down on one. He has a paid off eviction from 6 yrs ago. We don't make much. We have 2 yrs good rental but most places don't care. All the places we've contacted end up not working. The main issue 95% of the time is that we have 2 large dogs. one is a full pit bull.
​
I love these dogs, I was the one who actually found them and wanted to take them in. But now for me to probably sound like an ass, maybe, probably, idk.
​
Since having our baby neither of us actually have the time to play with them, walk them regularly (they have a yard so they do spend a lot of time outside), or give them attention. I don't want to be homeless with no car, 2 dogs and a baby. Our only option if we don't find a place in time, would be to go stay with my abusive grandmother while my husband waits for a miracle rental that will accept our less than stellar qualifications AND the dogs. I refuse to do that because I don't want my son exposed to her and my abusive older sister lives with her as well.
​
My husband keeps telling me that we just need to drive around and look. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A CAR. and everyone we know is way too busy to help us. I'm going through a lot with my depression and anxiety. The last time I brought it up, we argued and he told me that I was just making myself anxious and to chill bc we'll find that miracle place in time and that he won't give them up. I keep crying while scrolling every rental I can find because I don't think we can do it. I keep saying how every place I call says no because of the dogs and he just says "We just have to drive and look around." like we have all the time in the world.
​
I've never wanted to be the kind of person who rehomes dogs over a new baby or moving homes, but I don't want to be stuck never finding a place and I really want them to go to a home where they get the attention they deserve.
​
AITA for wanting to rehome the dogs?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Bj2cBBpBjgs1A6nPIsNBk37alUjcYQy2
|
b6hnar
|
{
"description": "hating my 7 Year Old Spoiled Cousin",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Hating My 7 Year Old Spoiled Cousin
|
Okay so I was 13 (I'm 17 now)when this happened so the details may be incorrect.
Okay so as the title states I've hated my 7 year old cousin for years. So my cousin was raised by two VERY different parents. One is strict and kind of an asshole (My now former 'uncle') and a very lax doormat of a Mother (My Aunt). And when my aunt divorced my former 'uncle' and my Aunt got custody with weekend visits to my cousin. So to what I assume to be considered as the favorite parent my aunt let my cousin have everything she wanted and threw the biggest fit when she didn't get what she wanted.
So she is going through a faze of I'm not like anyone else in the world out of nowhere (I always thought it was because I just entered the stage of finding out the wonders of sexuality(or romanticallity at that age)and debating people in a CIVIL way) So my family lives in the same house as my Aunt and cousin and I have to talk to a child that has been treated and cottled like a baby her whole life and I'm about done with her shit.
So I tell her that she is not a precious snowflake that is a God amongst sinners (not exact words) and I get yelled at and lectured by my aunt when the spoiled brat broke down into tears. And before you rage at my I did it in a calm voice and one that was not meant to be to offensive. And so my cousin never changed and I still have to put up with her bullshit until I can move out with financial stability. So am I the asshole or was the statement justified for her actions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
V44WO9A61oGjr7mc63TxQWsuBN2uU6PY
|
b8kbpb
|
{
"description": "fighting with my friend who cancelled a trip because her parents didn't allow",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for fighting with my friend who cancelled a trip because her parents didn't allow?
|
So we are buddies from college and have been planning to trip for a while. Finally we decided on a place, dates etc. Just before starting to book, a news about people who violated and videotaped women went viral. This screwed her parents up and they refused to let her go. She could have always overruled her parents and kept her promise but she obviously chose her parents over me. I got pissed because I'd spent preparing for the trip and was too excited for the same. I took it out on her and her response was simply 'someone who doesn't share or care about his parents can never understand a typical girl's life'. We have fought a few times before and every time there was an asshole in me. This time I am not so sure.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
LyStyQkVyg4ee6wxHjMN7MlYRdqbFqxf
|
b3npq5
|
{
"description": "joking too much",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for joking too much
|
A little backstory, I live with my brother and a friend. My whole life I’ve been the guy who will joke about everything and can even go over the top. My brother often feels like my joking is a way of getting out of admitting I’m wrong or just poking at people to get a reaction.
So tonight I was sitting finishing the last of my work and our roommate said he was going to bed and my brother said he was as well. The roommate tells me to go to bed after I finish work since I’m currently sick and not to stay up all night playing steam games.
My brother then chimes in and says to drink some water as well, to which I responded I already drank some OJ! Mind you this is all in a very light joking tone between us at this time. Roommate closes his door and my brother says I should eat the blueberries as well like he told me too.
I responded you told me that 2 days ago! And then his tone switched from joking to serious(which by now I should know from other instances is a cue that he is no longer joking) and he says not Monday, yesterday...
I say no, two days ago Tuesday, today and Tuesday. He gets mad and says that’s not what 2 days ago means and I don’t know what you’re doing right now but it isn’t funny.
Now we had just had a huge fight last week about how he always goes from 0-100 on non serious things and that the reaction is a daily thing and how it is stressful to always have to wonder if some meaningless thing is going to set him off.
He replies, still in a angry tone that I knew I was wrong and that half witted attempt at turning it into a joke isn’t funny to him and not to put him in those situations.
I just responded with okay you’re right I’m wrong it was a shitty joke despite the reaction being unwarranted. He says it’s not his fault and I’m just trying to make him feel guilty for a reaction(which is over the top).
So now I’m here taking a crap and posting wondering if I’m really just an asshole for knowingly making jokes despite his past disdain.
I’m seriously contemplating just not even attempting to have any sense of humor around him and keep things short and sweet to avoid these situations.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
d2sAtoe2gKNdRejyutedW0eK8P7DKgUu
|
b3jxlu
|
{
"description": "being honest about my opinion on my gf's art",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA for being honest about my opinion on my gf’s art?
|
I adore my girl. She’s funny, smart, creative, and confident. One of her hobbies is drawing and painting. I think it’s awesome that she has it for a creative outlet. My honest opinion on her work though is that it’s not the best.
She put up some paintings that she did on Etsy. She wasn’t getting any bites and I felt bad so I gave a friend of mine the money for one and had him pose as random buyer and buy one. She was thrilled about it.
The problem now is that she wants to quit her job at Wendy’s and focus on her art full time. I know that I got myself into this mess. Before she throws her job away I feel like I should tell her something, anything to make her reconsider. All I’m coming up with is to just tell her that I’m not sure that she could make that much just selling her art.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
Jv2ZnYgDS2ZNqWqUfZ5evQG81ksXKKbB
|
amb2ed
|
{
"description": "getting crying and getting my brother in trouble for calling something I love stupid",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting crying and getting my brother in trouble for calling something I love stupid?
|
A little context to this story:
this happened when I was 14-25. I adored the video game Rayman Origins at the time. Played it whenever I got the chance. I'm also an incredibly sensitive person, who hyperfixes (basically becomes really obsessed with) with whatever series or game I'm into at the time (current fixation is hollow knight!!!)
Another thing you need to know is that I am SUPER anal about getting collectibles. I cannot go pass a level unless I am 100% sure I 100% completed it. I would sometimes spend upwards of a few hours on one part to complete it. I restarted games hours in because I died and lost progress.
Anyways, the game Rayman Origins has multiplayer. I invite my other brother (who's around 17 at the time) to play with me. Because of my obsession with collecting everything, I forced him to restart certain levels upward of 3 times. After around 40 minutes, he got tired of it and got mad at me.
He told me the game was stupid and it was super unfun and I'm stupid cause I liked it (my brother has anger management issues...)
After a few minutes I lost my shit, started bailing like a baby and my mom came into the room, asking what the hell happened. I told her in between sobs that my brother "was being mean to me and called my game stupid and me stupid"
my brother is kind of infamous for bullying me so instead of listening to him my mom grounds him on the spot after she sees me crying. (i dont quite remember the punishment: I think it was a week without games?)
did my brother deserve the grounding? I didn't say a word in his defense and I was being a control freak. Am I the asshole for getting my brother in trouble?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Y55WJDqRTikZewadVRNhSBNTYiqmZLi5
|
b26uvw
|
{
"description": "getting a girl to like me and then turning her down",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting a girl to like me and then turning her down?
|
We're students, I might add. It's long distance. I liked her a lot, but things are spicing up in my life at home - and after i told her i liked her, now she likes me back. She's attached. If I turn her down, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
puMkjPD4w53ZkNb5RrCrvautYWaUQMzW
|
acdube
|
{
"description": "semi-directly causing a very serious car accident",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for semi-directly causing a very serious car accident?
|
This is a throwaway account because I want to be totally honest about this. Partly to get it off my chest and partly because this sub needs more assholes and fewer validation stories.
This is a true story from a very long time ago that I've only shared with maybe 3 people in my real life. I was driving on a very long, straight highway for a very long time. There was pretty much nothing around; just 3 lanes going east, 3 lanes going west, a median in the middle, and then a ditch on the side. On the other side of the ditch was a slight incline upward.
I was cruising along at about 80 mph while the flow of traffic was closer to about 75. I was in the left lane, slowly passing the other cars and was not weaving in and out of lanes or anything. This was satisfactory for a long time. At some point though, a black SUV flew up behind me. He must have been going over 100 because he approached me very quickly. He got a little too close for comfort, and there was a car to my right so I couldn't get out of his way immediately.
The next part of the story basically happened in bullet time. It was maybe 10 seconds at most.
**I held my ground and he held his; he was tailgating way too aggressively so I gave a little break check.**
The SUV backed off suddenly and seemed to get the message at first. While he was backing off, I was starting to pull ahead of the car that was blocking the middle-lane and \*probably\* could've safely cut over in front of them but I didn't.
But that only lasted a few seconds. The SUV began creeping up on me again. By this point, \*he\* could've cut to the middle lane safely too. Either of us could have, but neither did. He wanted to prove his might and make me move over, and I didn't like being tailgated. Neither was budging. I had sped up to about 95 by this point btw. My engine was straining because the car was a POS.
**He aggressively flew up so close I literally thought he was going to ram me.**
I was actually surprised he \*didn't\* hit me, that's how close he was. I couldn't see most of his grill in my rearview at all. I panicked for a second and slammed on the gas pedal to get some space behind me. And here's the big fuckup: Once I had about a car length of space, I gave him another break check. It was a brief tap, not enough to make my tires squeal or anything. But still, a break check at over 90mph while being tailgated.
The SUV's driver lost control of the vehicle. I saw him veer onto the median to my left and he actually began \*passing\* me at first. This makes me think that maybe my break check came at the same time as another one of his ramming bluff attempts; he was speeding up at the same time I checked him.
While still on the grass median he slowed slightly, suddenly cut hard to the right to try to get back on to the road (hopefully not to try to ram me?) and I saw the SUV in my rearview as he overshot the turn and went rightward nearly perpendicular to the highway. He went across all three lanes, went down noseward into the ditch, and slammed into the embankment. I watched the SUV shrinking into the distance in my mirror as it flipped up in the air, rolled over and over several times and came to a stop upside-down just above the ditch.
**The SUV was upside down, all of its windows shattered, probably half a mile behind me by now.**
I was frozen. My knuckles were white on the steering wheel. The song "Guilty" by Judge D was playing, appropriately enough, and this scene was permanently etched into my brain while watching what just happened. All the moral questions and doubts and what-ifs and holy shits were flooding my mind at once. In the span of maybe 1.5 seconds I contemplated what just happened and my role in it.
Why didn't he pass on the right instead of the median? Why didn't I? Did anyone die? Was there a baby in the car? Holy shit what if I just killed or injured somebody? Are the cops going to catch me? How fucked am I? Am I going to be able to live with myself if I don't pull right the fuck over right the fuck now?
**I decided to do the right thing or at least something close to it.**
I pulled over. I got out of the car, began calling 911 while sprinting desperately toward the scene. I didn't give my name but I kept things vague for now, just in case. I told them an accident happened and there may be injuries, and gave my approximate location. I ended the call, still sprinting and out of breath, as I approached a group of other drivers who'd pulled over about 50 yards from the SUV.
From this distance I could see its windows were all shattered and the driver and passengers were standing around looking pissed. I asked the group near me whether anyone was hurt and what happened. One of them told me he'd just come from talking to the driver and said nobody was hurt but they were furious about some asshole that had "tried to ram them off the road" (which I did not do).
That was enough to satisfy my at-that-time greyish moral compass. I felt like there was no benefit to me sticking around and getting fucked over by his situation; it was physically a one-car accident, nobody was hurt, and he was not able to control his vehicle.
Looking back, I'm selfishly glad I stopped. If I hadn't, I would still be wondering to this day (15ish years later) if someone's child was killed or something.
**So here's my moral dilemma. How much of an asshole was I?**
If someone else were telling this story I'd probably go with ESH.
**In my defense:**
* Point 1: He was the one in control of his vehicle, not me. He made the decision to swerve left onto the median instead of right into a clear lane. He had made the decision to aggressively tailgate me, repeatedly, until he lost control of his own vehicle.
* Point 2: He was being recklessly aggressive. A responsible driver should maintain enough distance in front of them that \*any\* emergency can be responded to immediately. The driver in front (me in this case) could break or swerve at any moment to avoid an animal or obstacle, and you have to be prepared for that. He was unable to control his vehicle when the emergency arose (my brake check).
* Point 3: This was entirely unnecessary from the beginning. We were both already significantly speeding when he first approached me, and 85mph is a very generous cruising speed on a 70mph highway on a clear day.
**In his defense:**
* Point 1: If either of us should have moved to the middle lane, it's me. It's illegal to pass on the right, so while it would've been safer for him to do so, it was really \*my\* responsibility.
* Point 2: I didn't have to brake check him. I could've slowly coasted until he passed on the right, I could've sped up, I could've done a lot of things. But I chose to tap the brakes at over 90mph while being tailgated.
* Point 3: I also did not approach him directly or speak to the police. I felt like I wasn't \*really\* involved in the accident, since our cars never touched, but I'm not a cop and it's not my place to make that call.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
WRONG
|
Mf0Cb54iDYH7K3xdP0Fff7bYXAR0fA2U
|
am7byd
|
{
"description": "not telling an acquaintance that I've known for over 10 years that her boyfriend asked me to suck his dick",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not telling an acquaintance that i've known for over 10 years that her boyfriend asked me to suck his dick
|
Some background: I have known "Amy" and "Trey" since middle school. We've never really been friends but we've still kept in contact over the years from mutual friends and get togethers. Trey is roommates with some of my good friends so I see him a lot more often than Amy but she stays at his house during weekends semi frequently, but I've never really spoken to them beyond pleasantries and light conversation, except for one time a few years ago when I got really drunk and came on to Trey but he denied me because he had just started dating Amy (which i was unaware of because we aren't really close). Amy heard about it but she wasn't mad because she knew the fact that they were dating hadn't gotten to me yet.
​
About two months ago, I went to a get together at Treys house and Amy was away visiting family. As things started winding down and my friends went to bed, I sat down in the kitchen and started playing with the dog. Trey then sat down next to me and started playing with the dog too. He then came right out and asked me if I wanted to go to his room and suck his dick. I was pretty shocked and only really managed a polite "no" and then Trey went to bed without pushing it and I left and went home.
I didn't want to tell Amy for a few reasons. First one being when I came on to him while they started dating awhile ago and I thought she would think I did something to encourage him to say that. I also thought maybe Trey wasn't in his right mind because he was drinking and smoking all night and I didn't wanna blow up his life over a mistake. And lastly, I don't believe i'm close enough to either of them to get involved in their relationship like that.
Since then I've seen Trey a couple times and everything has been totally normal so I figured he was fucked up and forgot anything happened, while I was feeling guilty for not telling Amy.
Then last week, Trey and I were by ourselves outside smoking and I brought it up. He said he's been waiting for me to say something about it , he apologized profusely and said he wasn't in his right mind. I said that that was what I assumed and I didn't say anything to anyone about it and just ended up forgiving him. His apology seemed really genuine but I usually take things like this at face value.
AITA for not letting Amy know that her boyfriend would have cheated on her with me and could potentially be cheating on her with someone else?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Etf1I8ijGPwQ7FjasvQuYG0RSChqLuZo
|
aqsbk0
|
{
"description": "not wanting to run a specific event",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to run a specific event?
|
This question is fairly minor compared to some others, but I'll do it anyway. Last year, I (13M) was doing high school track, and I got mistakenly assigned to the mile when I didn't want to be. Come around the first track meet, I do my 2400 and the hurdles and because it was about 11 at night, we didn't want to wait half an hour for an event I didn't want to run, so I made for bed. The next day, the coach screams in my face about how "its not my choice, this is for the school's success!" I felt pretty bad after that and I quit track. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Ur3llLzasV98HK9qLNmkPgoKJivdWP8A
|
a6qmcw
|
{
"description": "not wanting to spend Christmas with my maternal grandma",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to spend Christmas with my maternal grandma
|
First off I love my grandma (maternal), but she’s a very self conscious person and that has been getting in the way of our relationship.
A little back story, we used to be really close, like talking for hours on the phone multiple times a week. But when I started growing up, when I came out, and when I started dating my now wife. She started to pull away and tell me that I didn’t have time for her anymore and I don’t think about her or care about her.
Fast forward to a couple days ago. The whole “poor me, my family doesn’t love me enough to see me for the holidays” schtick is getting old and has been used for a lot of holidays on not only me, but my mom and my younger sister as well. I try to split my holidays up so I saw this grandma for thanksgiving and was going to spend Christmas with my paternal grandma
Maternal grandma does NOT like paternal grandma, and has held thing grudge against her for as long as I’ve been alive, because maternal grandma didn’t want to help my mom take care of me when I was little and paternal grandma stepped in because she was a stay at home grandma, and maternal grandma thinks that p. Gma stole me from her. I don’t know
So I receive a call from maternal grandma asking what my plans are for Christmas. I said “Christmas Eve I’ll be at paternal grandmas and Christmas Day we’re going to be with the wife’s family.” She shut down and was like “oh, well maybe we can meet before hand to exchange gifts” and I of course agreed and we said we would plan it later
I then get a call from my sister that m. grandma is pissed at her because my sister’s not coming for Christmas. My sister has her future in laws and her fiancée coming in from Sweden and actually called to find out about meeting m. grandma for Christmas because she has extra people coming and wanted to make sure that we had the room and that she wasn’t burdening anyone with the extra company
My mom was also supposed to come into town from Jersey, but had to cancel due to costs.
So my m. Grandma is pissed at all of us, for not caring about her enough to make plans, thinking of her and how she would feel, and hurting her so much. She’s done this for multiple years and we’re all getting tired of it and it makes us not even want to see her. So am I the asshole for not planning anything with her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
RBOPC052LjoKcF7VvXr6NR8nBXQJrLPi
|
afi3f3
|
{
"description": "defending my younger cousin despite she's kinda in the wrong",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for defending my younger cousin despite she's kinda in the wrong?
|
This happened a couple of months ago but it keeps going back to me whenever i think about what breaks relationships and when i look at this subreddits or similar ones.
​
So, my uncle who was in canada went home and decided to do shopping with me, my sister and my younger cousin, lets call my younger cousin, hmm.. Shane.
So we decided to buy a Nintendo swtich but my uncle saw a ps4 on sale, and asked, dont u want to consider buying the ps4 instead. I jokingly said that if we bought the ps4 my older cousin (lets call her Carla) would keep jumping endlessly and would always borrow it (she is a very big fan of ps4 and until today she still teases me by saying nintendo sucks).
So we bought the switch and a couple weeks later...
Shane decided to bring the switch with her to church, and then while i was doing laundry i heard (from my aunt/guardian, the mother of Carla) that she said something bad, which is why my aunt posted something on facebook like this. "My family is not self centered compared to those who boasts about their expensive things."
So after i did my laundry and ate some lunch, i went downstairs and got told by my another aunt (shane's mother) that shane is crying, and of course i asked why, she said that my guardian/other aunt said something bad on facebook that made shane cry. Then she proceeded to blame me because i was the one who said it first, i asked what did i say?
She said that she used what i said during the time when we bought the switch as a reason why we bought the switch in other words... She said to the whole or maybe not the whole neighborhood that carla would always borrow it if it was a ps4 instead of a switch. And then i laughed because its true and its stupid that she used my joke. But then i was kind of guilt tripped but maybe im just sensitive, so i went to my sketchpad, drew a yoshi, and wrote something on the sign hes holding which is the word "CHILL." and then theres more i wrote on like the bottom of the drawing admitting i was the one who made up that reason essentially defending shane. (ill try to post the picture of it in the comments)
little did i know i just added more fuel to the flame, i was called upstairs, and both the brothers of Carla was so angry at me, that one of them even admitted that they would want to punch me and that they are trying their best not to hurt anyone, of course i cried because i didnt expect them to be this... triggered... and was told that i shouldnt be talking to Carla becuz of what i did, defending my younger cousin despite the fact that shane indirectly said Carla is a jealous person. (which i think is a bit of a stretch but again, i had 2 guilt trips in a day now...)
I also deleted the post and they deleted theirs, Carla went home, not knowing about the situation, happy as can be.
A few weeks later, she seemed to have known/learned about what happened, i heard my oldest aunt (she doesnt have a kid and damn i have many relatives :/) talking to her and i cant make up what they were talking about, i went upstairs since its almost dinner time. I tried to talk Carla with a smile and then she politely refused by saying that shes not in the mood and that shes busy or something, so i went out again but not far away enough so i could hear what else she has to say and heard "atleast i didnt tell her how much of a b- she was!" and of course, that would obviously be about me.
I tried to say that saying "She would always borrow it" was a joke, but i cant talk to her because i know she hates me.
Forward to another few weeks later, there was this birthday party i was obligated to attend that my mama confiscated my laptop and didnt return it to me until christmas, because i refused and she forced me to. During the birthday party, Carla finally spoke to me again and all was well like as if she forgot about it then during a trip to the cinema with half of the family, she asked what happened before that made me and her stop talking and i just shrugged.
​
Summary:
I defended my younger cousin despite the fact that she indirectly said my older cousin is a jealous person by saying "She would always borrow it" as a reason why we bought the switch, then my older cousin got angry at me a few weeks later when she must have heard about the incident.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
3CpLdjpdAXmd8swLMkRUsbL1unmoUk6t
|
b0h1v2
| null |
AITA My girlfriend asked me to go to her moms birthday party
|
My girlfriend asked me to go with her to her family’s party for her moms birthday. It seems to be only close family in attendance. I personally am not too comfortable going, but we’ve dated for a year and a half and I almost feel like I’m expected to go. Her family is nice and all I just feel uncomfortable around them because all of them assume we will move on and get married (me and my girlfriend are both 18).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
iJVlxYzVqBBtrx3zPE0LB7Ui99c22ErP
|
aenyc3
|
{
"description": "being uncomfortable with my girlfriend going to see a band whose drummer is someone she previously had sex with before we were together",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being uncomfortable with my girlfriend going to see a band whose drummer is someone she previously had sex with before we were together?
|
It was a while ago and it only happened once, she said it wasn’t good and she didn’t particularly want to but did anyway (whole separate issue there). But I can’t help but feeling a little pissed off thinking this dude is going to look into the crowd and identify my girlfriend as a previous conquest. It’s a fairly well known band and she still likes their music but claims to have no interest in him. This is not a trust issue as I know that she is faithful, but I still don’t like it. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
iYlQ28cpn1glcrqpmlFPyg5LhpCSIxI1
|
b2nz18
|
{
"description": "sending him to jail",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for sending him to jail?
|
A little backstory. I have always been a social outcast and introverted. Didn't have many friends. The only thing that cared to me at the time was my computer. Built my first one when I was about 6. Programmed it around 7 or 8.
Fast forward to high school. I was a sophmore when I realized that the school's intranet system had really shitty security. I bypassed it and started changing kids grades for a few dollars here and there. Everything was going smooth until my long time bully, lets just call him Dave the shitbag super senior, came into the picture. He found out what I was doing and threatened to report me to the principal if I didn't cut him in on the profits. Honestly jail time scared me shitless so I felt I didn't have a choice but to cut him in. It started off as 75/25 me being on the smaller cut, no surprise there, but I was still making decent money so it didnt bother me all that much. Until one day he decided he wanted it all. He started beating me up when I refused to give him ANY cut. So much for going to the principal. One day after receiving a daily beating I had enough. I did some research and found where Dave lived. I trailed him to his house only 3 blocks away from the school. I saw he had wifi so I connected to it and did some snooping. After looking through the COUNTLESS devices they had connected to thier wifi I found Dave's phone. Time to have some fun. Searching through his phone and replacing random files deleting random photos and music. Until I saw it. A list. A list of all his customers. Dave was a fucking drug dealer. I knew that I was in trouble if i didnt do something now. I ran all the way home and found one of my old burner phones. I called the police and told them there was a hostage situation involving drugs at Dave's house. Curious I walked back to Dave's house stopping at the corner afraid to get anywhere near the scene only to see multiple cop cars blocking the street and a swat truck. I left after that. It was the first time I saw cops show up in that scale. Honestly scared the shit out of me. Found out later that Dave ended up getting 14 YEARS for everything he had. I think I may have went too far. But the 5 years of bullying he put me through was all the justification I needed.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
BdgVDFKJJfgOyeeFXLYiNNDm86kaM6kv
|
aptobt
|
{
"description": "getting bothered that my gf won't stop her 4 year old from coming to our bed and sleeping with us",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for getting bothered that my gf won't stop her 4 year old from coming to our bed and sleeping with us?
|
I have been living with my gf (28) for the last 4 months. Before that she had both her boys (7 & 4) sleep in the same bed as her even though they both have a room. I knew of this before I moved in so I told her to send them both to their room and get them use to sleeping there before I moved in.
At first they both fought it but ultimate the 7 year old started sleeping in his own room and hasnt tried to sleep in our bed since. The 4 year old though is a whole different story. Every night/morning like clock work he's in our room. I work nights and when I get home around 5am there he is since our bed. Most days any gf refuses to send him back to his room or just says "I'll take him in a bit" and knocks out.
Her excuse is "he's my baby and soon he won't give me any attention". I don't think that's a valid reason. I don't believe a 4 year old should be sleeping with us and I don't think I'm the asshole for bringing it up day after day causing an argument.
P.s I'm writing this from the living room because guess who's in my bed right now. And she's waiting for him to "knock out" before taking him back even though he's snoring. I'm just gonna crash on the couch and trust me that's gonna be an argument.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
RIGHT
|
yQBso5bZ1xaq2OZcm8jxqlfY4PmupEys
|
a4pxhc
|
{
"description": "turning on a secondary router when my dad turns off the main one at 10pm",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for turning on a secondary router when my dad turns off the main one at 10pm
|
My dad always unplugs the router at 10pm and takes it with him to his bed, so I connected another router in my bedroom without his knowledge, which I turn on when he takes it.
He says the reason he takes it is because my little brother will play games all night if it’s left on.
My router has a different ID and password which my brother doesn’t know, so he can’t access it.
My dad also doesn’t pay for any extra for bandwidth at certain times or anything.
I like to do coursework late because I have bad insomnia so I’d rather just do something productive or play games.
Do you guys think what I’m doing is wrong? I’m also 17 if that makes a difference.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
LivnTflL8oQrf2j79euhuSlIlI7YOdlJ
|
akk3hm
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend that there are people in worse situations",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For telling my girlfriend that there are people in worse situations?
|
So my girlfriend and I have been living together for about over a year. she has also been out of work for a year and she has been receiving disability payments. Since she's been out of work. Now she has been paying her bills through those disability payments and now it has run out. I've been working in the mean time through that. So now that her payments have fell through I've been paying both of our things and naturally I can't provide for everything on time. So I focus on the essentials like food, rent, utilities, transportation. Since she's still out of work it's on me to make sure we can survive. Tonight she's telling me she's upset that I don't tell her what is going on with the finances and I said that because I know it would stress her the heck out I didn't want that weight on her. So I did end up telling her that things were falling behind but they will eventually get paid and I told her the budget and the steps to catch up. She started crying about how she doesn't like it that things are getting behind and bills aren't getting paid on time. I simply said that it's what we have to deal with at the moment and certain other bills like credit cards and such matter less than food and shelter. She got even more upset. I said that this isn't even struggling. As a kid I was homeless for a short bit where sleeping in a truck was bed and living out of storage container was where we kept our clothes. Eating what we could afford was life. So I naturally said that this isn't a big deal since all will be well with time and eventually things would be okay. Just gotta be patient and take the blows. I said that you gotta see it from a different perspective which is that things could be a lot worse. Imagine the situation that homeless people are in. Trying to find food or shelter. I told her that a couple of late bills aren't the end of the world. It sucks yes and we should have prepared better but this is just a learning experience and I feel as though it's the simple truth. Like this isn't even stressful for me but for her its like her world is falling apart. So am I the asshole or what?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
1k23dgCatWzAuWFDE8LDAkFOzfU27ClB
|
ajttqn
|
{
"description": "getting mad/yelling at a retail worker",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for getting mad/yelling at a retail worker (tl;dr at bottom)
|
Alright, this scenario has several factors at play so let me explain them. It occurred during tuesday/wednesday this past week and I've been simmering about it ever since.
*Tuesday morning*, it was cold as shit and when I went out to warm my car up before leaving for class, it wouldn't start. The battery was old as shit and I was expecting this, but it was a total PITA because I missed my first class in the morning and didn't have any way to go get a new battery in the mean time. After my classes finished for the day (circa 5) I got a ride to the Car Parts Shop (just using a generic name) (which btw I had just called and they said they had the battery I want) and found out they would have to order the battery I was looking to get. Whatever, no big deal. They said since it was late that day, they would put the order in and I could come get it first thing tomorrow morning. Perfect.
Skip to *Wednesday morning*, I had basically just enough time in the morning from the opening of the store to get the battery, have them install it on the spot, and get to class. I had my mom jump-start my car before she left for work and I took off. I walk in, the same guy is there and I ask about the battery, and he tells me there was no such order placed. Now I'm starting to get really salty. I asked for the manager and he ended up explaining to me that, basically, I would have had to pay when they put the order in, but when I was there on Tuesday the guy at the register didn't mention it and acted as if he could put in the order and I'd pay on Wednesday. They tell me the only option is to place the order and it will arrive around 1 (useless to me, I'll be in class and won't have a ride anyway).
So, the guy was either too lazy to place the order or literally had no idea how to do it to begin with and was just playing it off like he did. In any case, I was now stranded at Car Parts Shop with my car which won't start again, no new battery for my car, and I'm probably going to be late for if not outright miss ANOTHER class. I start to get really worked up about it, and was basically yelling at the guy and the manager in the middle of the store for being so incompetent and royally screwing me. After organizing a way to class I basically stormed out telling them they're idiots and I'm gonna go buy the battery elsewhere. There was only one other customer in the store and he was looking at my as if I had just had a psychotic fit and gotten naked in the store. So, Am I The Asshole in this situation for being so aggravated and not realizing ahead of time that of course I would have to pay for the ordered part prior to it's arrival? I feel like an idiot for not having caught that right off the bat and not being able to have prevented this situation as a result.
​
tl;dr: Guy at store doesn't order a new car battery for me like he said I would so when I show up the next day there is no battery, so I get belligerent at the employees before storming out.
​
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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0jbnEkG2UgYUdWtBgmZ6iGUw8zQLLyQl
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a3p2ox
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{
"description": "wanting intimacy after a 2 month dry spell with girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For wanting intimacy after a 2 month dry spell with girlfriend?
|
I've been with my girlfriend now for a year and our sex life has been up and down - mostly down.
However recently between getting the Flu, having some work stress and a period - my girlfriend has all but retracted from anything intimate and sexual.
Am I the asshole for wanting my needs to be taken care of even if she's on her period or slightly stressed with work?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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uqJ9vWxvdBD50wI8I5YrGHao8YJhJYGt
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aq7qpy
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{
"description": "making a move on my friend's sister",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I make a move on my friend's sister?
|
Throwaway because my friend, who we'll call B, knows my main account. TL;DR at the bottom.
I'll start by prefacing with the fact that we are all in college, and I've gotten to know my friend's sister, who we'll call K through mutual friends, who are all part of separate friend groups.
Basically, over the past few weeks I've gotten to know K better, started talking to, and hanging out with, them in groups as well as over the phone, and I kinda have gotten the vibe, as well as been told by my best friend, that they MIGHT be into me. K is the sister of one of B, who is one of my decently good friends, certainly not best, but we hang out every week or two, used to do so a lot more, and have always been very friendly and open. He very rarely mentions his sister so I don't know the feelings he might harbor towards her or how protective he is. That being said, within that friend group there is an ongoing joke about them wanting to hook up with my sister, wanting to make moves on her, and even going so far as to slide into her DM's. B has participated fairly minimally in this, but still has made the extremely occasional comment and laughed at the jokes.
I'm currently talking to/hanging out with a few girls, and just kinda taking things as they go after getting hurt by numerous girls after catching feelings too soon a few times last semester, and certainly do not think K is looking for anything super serious and is doing the same thing somewhat. We're hanging out alone this weekend, and after we get back from what we have planned if I make a move on her WIBTA?
Obviously any AH nature does not stem from the fact that she is the sister of a friend, as that would be rather misogynistic, but rather from the fact that it may make him angry, disrupt friend group dynamics, and be hypocritical considering the jokes that have been told about my sister.
WIBTA?
TL;DR: I have a friend with a sister who are both in college and the same age. They exist in separate friend groups, but I have gotten to know the sister more recently through mutual friends, and have gotten the feeling that she might be interested in me. I'm hanging out with her this weekend, and if I make a move, WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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aswj77
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{
"description": "pushing my now ex gf out of my house when she came to break up with me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for pushing my now ex gf out of my house when she came to break up with me
|
So before I begin when I say push I don't mean in a harsh way it was more of you need to leave and you are not listening slow "push". Well this begins with her telling me she needed some space 2 days before this over text, to which I said cool I will do that and gave her the space she asked for. 2 days go by so I text her "are you ever gonna tell me why this is happening" and she says i'm coming over to talk to you about it. I kinda knew where this was going because lately she was acting very distant and I even told my best friend I thought we weren't gonna last much longer. She gets to my house already hysterically crying and my parents are home so I quickly take her to my room and to me this doesn't seem good already so I was prepared for her to break it off but what she starts saying is that she is confused and doesn't to what to do with our relationship that she wants to take a break and still be friends and see if that helps us both get better(we both got comfortable I gained 80 pounds in 2 years and she gained like 30). She said she wanted to do this so we can have more time to focus on ourselves. To me this sounds like the typical I wanna break up with you but keep you around just incase I can't find better BS i've dealt with before with this being my 4th relationship and I being her first. To that I said nope grabbed her stuff she had in my house put it into a bag I had and told her that this is her decision and she doesn't get it her way so she should go. She starts crying more when I begin to tell her I will be deleting her off everything so I can start the process of moving on. Then I walk her to the door and say my goodbye and she still won't leave even running back into my room saying she doesn't know what she wants yet. That's when I begin to slowly moving her out my house and tell her that I need my space too so I can move on and she's outside my door now. She says I love you I don't want to lose you and I say I can't say I love you because I am hurting right now goodbye and closed the door.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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b2ocng
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{
"description": "getting mad at my friends for not telling me why my other friend deleted their account",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friends for not telling me why my other friend deleted their account?
|
So today, I went onto discord as you do and found a message from one of my friends saying that a lot of drama went down in part of the groupchat. In said groupchat, there was a section where people were working on a story together. No one in it had their shit together because the leader (guy who deleted his account) left because no one knew what was going on. I, obviously confused as to why his account is gone, say in not so nice words 'bitch who hurt my *guys name*'. Someone else told me to stay out of it so I asked 'where the fuck is *guys name*'. Another person told me that everyone is over it and to keep out of it because it doesn't concern me. I'm obviously mad because they did something to make my friend delete his account so I start swearing and asking what happened to him and where he his. Again, I'm told to stay out. After a lot of swearing and shit, I leave the group. I know I shouldn't have sworn but when your friend deletes his account and no one tells you why, you're obviously gonna be annoyed. AITA? (yes)
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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aed9lq
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{
"description": "trying to find different ways to force my ex to get help",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for trying to find different ways to force my ex to get help?
|
Some pre-context before I post the full story that way if this post is in violation of the rules due to when this happened I understand why it was deleted. This story takes place mid October of 2015 and lasts until about March of 2016. The reason why I'm posting this here is because what transpired still eats at me and I'd like to hear if I was being an asshole at any point in the story.
​
Pre Breakup Part:
​
To begin I had met a woman that I had fell head over heels with through some mutual friends at a friendsgiving party in November of 2014. On our first date everything seemed to go very well and while at dinner I explained that I like to put all the cards on the table from the start and told her that I suffer from infrequent depression but am a very anxious person. She told me she was similar and mentioned she hears whispers every now and then. My immediate response was to ask if she was schizophrenic to which she replied, "No I was diagnosed with minor auditory hallucinations but they never get loud or too disruptive." That was fine with me, not that schizophrenia would have deterred me since she was my crush.
​
Everything about our relationship seemed normal, we were both dorks who shared a lot of similarities personality wise and even enjoyed the same hobbies. About 6 months in she had mentioned that she could not afford medicine that she was taking and that the whispers were getting bad and wanted me to stick with her. She continuously asked me if they got really bad would I stay with her. I told her of course I would do whatever it takes and after a few days she got her medicine again. I noticed her prescription was an anti-psychotic and at that point had asked her if she was hiding anything from me. She told me no and that sometimes the whispers could turn to voices if they get loud enough without medicine. I once again asked her if she was sure she didn't have some form of schizophrenia and she replied no her Psychiatrist told her it was only minor auditory hallucinations. Our relationship progresses without any other incidents for quite some time.
​
Beginning of October to Breakup in November:
​
The very beginning of October seemed fine except she seemed quite worried because she had run out of money since she had quit her job to go to a school to become a massage therapist and could not afford medicine again. I offered to pay and she refused and told me she would ask her parents. Fast forward to Halloween and my friends start asking me what is up with my Girlfriend and if we were fighting. I hadn't noticed anything but even my family said it seemed like she was a different person. A few days later while at work she calls me saying she wants to break up since she wasn't in a state to date. I talk to her and go to see her about whats going on and shes crying and tells me "the voices are so loud I can't control them." After some discussion I find out that she has been off her medication for about 3 weeks and cannot afford them or a visit to her Psychiatrist. I tell her i'll pay for everything and she gets incredibly mad and says no and that I cannot tell her parents she is not taking medication. I was worried that she would breakup with me and cut contact so I obliged. However I knew something was very very wrong. I went to see her every day just to keep her company but she would freak out if I had touched her in any way even with a hug. I stopped physical contact per her request (nothing was sexual since the very beginning of October). She seems to be getting progressively worse so I ask her if I can call her doctor for her since she had said she couldn't fathom getting help at this point; She says yes that is fine.
​
I call the Psychiatrist who was immediately confrontational by me calling him instead of her and refused to speak to me even though I had mentioned I believed her to be in crisis. He would not accept payment from me and demanded she call him. I tell her this and she gives me a bit of a blank stare and says okay. The next day I see her she tells me she has multiple voices in her head and that one is mimicing my voice and that she has fallen in love with it and no longer loves me or can feel anything for that matter. This part I look back on and regret so much because I yelled at her when she said that along the lines of "How can you feel nothing at all? We were just looking at an apartment together and planning a vacation." Over the next few weeks I went to see her and got her to take a shower here and there and even got one of her best friends to come over to play card games with her which seemed to cheer her up. She gave me a hug after that but immediately went blank and kicked me out of the house. After talking for a few more days she broke up with me on Thanksgiving and told me to never talk to her again.
​
Post Breakup:
Despite promising not to talk to her parents I reach out to her brother and tell him everything, including that she had been off her meds for quite some time. He thanked me for looking out for her and would reach out to his mom and get all this addressed. Shortly after her mom reached out to me to thank me and get more details and asked me to recount any redflags in the past since she was a nurse. I did so and she thanked me. I asked if I could talk to her and her son every now and then to checkup on her to see how she was doing as I still very much loved her and wanted to get back together at some point. She said that was perfectly fine. We talk over the next month about getting her back onto her medication and getting a different therapist (not a different psychiatrist). She suggested I write my ex a letter to encourage her and showed I still cared. I did so and got no response. Another month goes by and still nothing from my ex. I had not messaged her or texted her directly since the breakup but I began asking some friends how she was doing and even asked if they had talked to her about what had happened since they were aware of what transpired. None of her friends felt close enough to her to do so. I start going to therapy and taking anti-depressants. I notice the mother seemed to be a bit put off by our conversations at this point and I asked why. She told me that her daughter had broken up with me because I had called her doctor behind her back. I told her she gave me permission to and the mom told me that if she did she does not recall.
​
Another few weeks go by and I start confiding in our mutual friends because I feel like I have hit rock bottom and I am looking for any sign that she is coming out of her funk to which she is not. Her brother calls me and we both agree that at this point I need closure. He presses her to reach out and talk to me about what happened. Still nothing. It's now February and at this point I feel nothing but anger at what happened and that she has said nothing. A close friend of mine suggested I write her a letter unleashing my emotions and I did, but first I ran it by her brother and he said it looked fine. This finally prompts a response from her and we get into a very heated argument but she does eventually apologizes for going silent on me for so long. We talk about me "going behind her back" to call the doctor and she tells me that she had no recollection and that sometimes she feels like she's floating outside her body and doesn't remember anything while doing so.
I point out that it is unfair that she had lied to me about the severity of her condition and that there was no way to know that. She agrees and apologies, admits she fucked me over, and doesn't understand why I would want to try to work things out since she wasn't a problem for me anymore. We talk for awhile and she finally tells me about all her symptoms. I tell these symptoms to her mom and her mom subtly brings them up with her at the next psychiatrist meeting. We are now in early March and she is still acting off. During one of our conversations she mentions she has still not consistently been taking her medication. At this point I yelled at the brother because they swore they would monitor her to make sure she was taking her medication. After that they got her to take her medicine frequently but when she finally came to her mom told her that I had called the mom behind her back and that she should cut ties with me. I am then blocked by her on all forms of communication. At that point I had given up but about a month later the mutual friend we met through invited us both to a party to which I declined since I did not have the heart to see my ex so soon. This prompted her to accuse me of being the asshole during everything and say I was very controlling and should not have gone behind her back.
​
Which is what I believe to have been gnawing at me for all these years. Was I controlling at any point? Was I an asshole? I don't even think she realized she was schizophrenic after all this time and I dont think she does now since the psychiatrist never changed her diagnosis even though the brother and mother believed her to be before I yelled at the brother.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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dwOlEGiPluTrGmF6KB9cZXkAnQkTzIy4
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b0gmzg
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{
"description": "not wanting to live with a random person",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to live with a random person?
|
So me and my roommate are long time friends and we live together in a major city. Well last year he started dating a new girl and everything is good. Well about 4 or 5 months ago he basically moved in with her and hasn’t been here except for a couple of nights but he is on the lease still and pays rent (not cheap). But our lease is up in a few months and he plans on moving in with her permanently and we won’t be renewing our lease.
Well last week another friend of ours who lives out of state reached out to us. He has a friend? Acquaintance? I’m not sure, that is moving to our city for a few months and is looking to sub lease a place. So knowing our situation he reached out and asked how we’d feel about this random friend/acquaintance that we don’t know taking over this basically empty room for the remainder of our lease. Now this would help my friend out obviously because it would take care of him not having to pay the rent for a few months while he is living with his girlfriend.
I basically shot down the idea. The reasons why are because I have no idea who this person is or if I can trust him in our apartment - I’ve never even spoken to him or know his name. He’s not on the lease and I don’t want to cause an issue with our landlords as there is a clause in our lease about other people living here. And honestly I don’t feel like I should have to live in a small place with a completely random person for months based off of my friends decision to not be here. He didn’t HAVE to move out, he could still be here but he chooses not to. And this situation wouldn’t benefit me at all.
Am I the asshole for not trying to help my friend out more here or are these valid reasons to not want this random person moving in?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
p584vsqUYwprsilOTdB9F4apvTQsPwwD
|
awyx88
|
{
"description": "making her upset while texting",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making her upset while texting?
|
About a month and a half ago I went to a wedding back home and I ended up hitting it off with a mutual friend (I'll call her J). I got her number but that's as far as things went.
We've been texting everyday since then. I told her when I was back home again that I'd like to take her on a date and she said she'd like that. Along with that the first two weeks were very flirty but then she stopped flirting back. I told her if she found someone else that I'd be happy for her but she told me that she wasn't back on the dating scene and was just busy.
Now a couple of days ago my friend told me that J is dating again. J confided in her about a bad date that happened and about some flakey dudes. She didn't wanna see me get hurt so she let me know.
I brought up J's dating life again with this new knowledge. J said she was still busy and couldn't find time to date. She also got very upset that I brought it up again based on our previous conversation. I apologized and feel pretty bad about what I did but I can't help but feel like J is manipulating me.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
aitgqg
|
{
"description": "being annoyed with my sister for using me as an excuse",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being annoyed with my sister for using me as an excuse
|
I'm visiting my sister out of state and came down with a cough out of nowhere. Two days of this productive cough had my sister nagging me to let her take me to urgent care. I finally agreed and the next day she told her manager that she was going to the doctor with me in the morning, so she got permission to work from home. She apparently "didn't want to wake me" in the morning so when I wake up to go to urgent care around noon, she can't go because she's working. It wasn't until after her work day was finished and after I researched how to get there on my own did she drop me off and pick me up after my appointment was finished. Turns out I had pneumonia.
I'm annoyed because she used me as an excuse to work from home when she could have just gone to work and done the same thing. And a little annoyed that she didn't even come into the doctor's office with me. I know that I could have and probably should have just gotten to the doctor by myself (I'm 25 lol) but who doesn't like to be supported when they're sick?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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b9gssb
|
{
"description": "'ignoring' my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for ’ignoring’ my boyfriend?
|
Throwaway cuz my bf knows my real account
So I’m still in high school and live with my parents. My bf and I have been dating for about 7 months now and we fight every few months. We always work through it though. We are very good at communicating.
Today, however, is different. My parents found out I haven’t been doing very well in school and they asked why my grades have been going down. This is when I broke down and told them I’m suffering and think I’m depressed. I’ve had no motivation to do anything, including schoolwork. They are forcing me to go to therapy which I really don’t want to do. I’ve told my parents that but they’re still forcing me to go.
So on Snapchat, I send him a picture of my wall. I wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone. I should’ve told him I was upset but I wasn’t in a good state of mind at that point. He sends a picture of his face. I didn’t open the Snapchat for about an hour then send him a black screen because I was crying and I didn’t want him to see me. He sends a question mark back and I send another black screen telling him I was going to bed and said goodnight (It was about 12pm at this point) He opens the Snapchat but doesn’t answer. I text him the next morning that I’m not going to be at school. He says ok. I then send him a Snapchat and he opens it but doesn’t answer. A few hours later I get a text from him saying that I’m an asshole and not to text him until I start treating him like a person too. I explain to him about my situation and he says “it’s not my fault and I’d love to be able to help you but how am I supposed to do anything about that? I don’t see why you have to treat me like this for doing nothing except caring” I told him I’m sorry i just didn’t really feel like talking to anyone at that time. All he says is “K, then don’t.” I said “I don’t want you to think I’m mad at you so sorry.” And he hasn’t answered that text.
I’d like to also point out that during this text conversation he told me he was fighting with his mom and his mom called child services. So he was quite upset while talking to me.
He has blocked me on Snapchat and Instagram. So AITA for doing what I did? And what could I do to fix things? I’m quite sad rn about all this. I don’t want to lose him
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
THPH5FwrN3P2yYMENorczGyhIkGKabSd
|
ad2a0m
|
{
"description": "parking my car",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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}
|
AITA for parking my car
|
The street that I lived on was VERY narrow. One way, cars parked on both sides with just enough room for a car to pass through. I lived in one of two buildings that had about 8 units. Across the street was a building that had about 6 units. This building had two driveways on either side and a parking lot behind it. My building had no off-street parking.
I would park my car in the first spot next to one of the two driveways (the one further down the one way road, so the other driveway was still an option. This is important.) I made sure to never block the driveway, always parking past where the curb turns into the driveway. Admittedly it made it tight for people to pull out of the driveway but any time you turned onto this road it was tight.
One day I came out to my car in the dead of winter and my car was covered in what I thought was frost that someone had wiped around. I honestly didnt pay it much mind. (Figured out it was coffee they had poured all over my car) A few days later I came out and there were 4-5 pickle slices on my car. PICKLE SLICES! No broken glass around nor an excess of pickle juice. So as best I reckon someone came out with a jar of pickles. Opened it. Threw 4-5 of those suckers on my car. Closed up the jar and calmly walked it back into their apartment. Seems like well-adjusted behavior. At this point I think these events are a bit odd, but i honestly have no idea why someone would be messing with my car.
Finally one day I come out and there is a pile of trash on my car. It's not really wet trash, mostly sunflower seeds, some food and alot of papers. I pull put a couple of pieces and find a name and address. Thinking I have the perp I go to knock on their door. A woman answers and i calmly ask her if she has been messing with my car. She says she has no idea what I'm talking about. I must have the wrong person. The real guy must have just grabbed the trash from a random trash barrel. I tell her I'm sorry and that someone must have been going through her trash and she should be careful what she throws out. (I was able to find a significant amount of information just from the stuff I found) So I leave still confused.
The grand finale came when my girlfriend and I are parking in the spot one night. All of a sudden there is a guy pounding on the passenger side window yelling that I cant park there. I try to keep calm but I don't appreciate the aggressiveness hes showing, especially with my girlfriend present. I get out of the car. He immediately starts yelling about how I cant park there and that I'm blocking the driveway. I tell him that I'm within the curb and not blocking the driveway at all. This back and forth continues on for a while luckily doesnt get physical, after some yelling guess who comes running down the stairs? The Woman I talked to earlier! She really was the one dumping the trash on my car!
There really was not much resolution. I told them that I will continue to park there, if they have issues they can knock on my door and I would help them get out. I parked there and they never said a peep afterwards.
Where I parked wasnt illegal, I admit it made it tough to pull out, but parking was at a premium and they had an alternative driveway to use but it's been bugging me for a while, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
6w69TSazue0rQPt8QAzCuW9ZfmgVjGwi
|
awixr4
|
{
"description": "standing my ground",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for standing my ground?
|
Me M[20] and girlfriend F[18] are at the mall in a store that sells Pop figures and other popular culture items. She's the first person I've ever dated (yeah, I know) and me her first in 5 months since her last breakup. This was our 6th date. This happened 3 days ago.
In the store, she finds a mini keychain Iron Man which she picks up and plans to buy. Upon walking around the store more, she finds a pop figure that she doesn't yet own on the top shelf.
She asks me to grab it for her, which I do. As I'm about to hand it to her, she places the Iron Man keychain on the shelf (away from where they are found in the store) and reaches for the pop figure in my hands.
I stop here right there and say...
Me: Are you going to put that back?
Her: No?
Me: Well, I'm not handing you this pop figure until you put that back.
She starts to wrestle it out of my hands for a few seconds, even biting me, and I eventually let go to avoid breaking pop figure.
After a few seconds of me letting go...
Me: You really need to put that back where you found it
Her, as she starts walking away: No, that's what people here get paid to do.
Me: I'm being dead serious; you need to put that back. I'm not leaving until you do.
Her: Well, I drove you here so I'm your ride back.
Me: I don't care, I'm not moving.
At this point shs walks off to the other half for the store (small store) while I stand there in front of the keychain on the shelf.
Few minutes pass by and she wanders back around and asks me what I'm doing. I tell her I'm looking something up and she casually grabs the keychain and starts nonchalantly walking back to where she found it. I slowly follow her until she puts it back...
Me: Thank you for putting it back; I hope you can understand where I'm coming from with things like that.
Her: No, not really. I used to work retail and people would leave stuff around all the time.
Me, taken aback: Just because someone gets paid to maintain the store, doesn't mean it's your responsibility to make their life harder than it needs to be. I think it's important to be considerate of others, regardless of if they get paid or not.
Her: Yeah, whatever.
Afterwards, we drive around a bit more before attending her family's party later that evening.
This really bothered me for the next two or three days as I mulled over it, not sure if I was being immature or not with how I handled it. She seemed to let it go pretty quickly and hasn't brought it up since. I feel a 70-30 ratio of whether to be firm or apologize to her. I can see how it's controlling behavior to be that non-compromising in a situation like this and borderline immature. I also see it as me standing up for one of most important things to me, being kind and considerate to others; which is why I wanted to set things straight right then to avoid getting walked over in the future since I suspect this would happen again.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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}
|
WRONG
|
OQWHQ4pxY5i9A6lZezTaXTgNmkuAMcNr
|
a3g9ip
|
{
"description": "forcing 200 kids to go on a different field trip",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for forcing 200 kids to go on a different field trip?
|
I teach an upper elementary grade. Every year for the past five years we’ve gone to a place 2-2.5 hours away. This means my 7.5 hour day turns into a 12 hour day- maybe longer if a parent is late to pick up their student. Every year I say I hate going to this far place. This year I have other teachers on my side and we are very vocal. We want to go somewhere closer so we can stay within our paid hours. Our field trip planner just booked the far away place despite us giving alternatives - effectively forcing us to work 4+ hours for free.
I refuse to use a sick day for this and am planning on asking the principal to find another teacher to take my place. Am I the asshole for refusing to go? And being honest about why I’m not going (I’m tired of teachers being taken advantage of and refuse to work outside of what I’m paid)?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
dwxN0c8R9OgK4hZyTqGajbWYikhaMmQh
|
b49t4n
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang out with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for not wanting to hang out with my friend?
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
​
My roommate and best friend and I are very close, socialize together, hang out together, and meet new people together. We move fairly closely with each other in our respective social circles, and for the most part, we work very well together. The only problem isn't actually a problem, its just the way that women treat him.
​
Every female friend he's had in the last eight months has either admitted to him or me that they've wanted to sleep with him. Its gotten to the point where girls have stopped talking to me in order to talk to him, simply because they find him more attractive and would rather spend time with him. Three seperate times I've started talking to girls (in blatant romantic fashion) and three seperate times they have cut me off in order to make more time trying to sleep with him. (All three girls have been from very different social circles/settings.) I have no problem with him personally, and we consider each other best friends, but it has gotten to the point that I feel as though I don't want to bring my female friends around him for fear that they will drop me for him. I haven't actually said anything to anyone about this particular issue, but I'm really at a loss here. WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
eu5VDiE0JvVhZ7f2oYwNOZeKAdtKnt8M
|
9x0ia0
|
{
"description": "getting fustrated with my s/o for worrying about holiday dates clashing with freshers",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For getting fustrated with my S/O for worrying about holiday dates clashing with Freshers?
|
My Girlfriend of 18 months and I are planning on booking an all-inclussive holiday for the end of next summer, late September time to avoid the Summer price hikes. The holidays we've shortlisted are all to resorts near the same airport, and the holidays are full packages (i.e. flights and luggage included). We have 2 sets of dates to potentially travel on:
20th Sept - 1st Oct, and 17th Sept - 28th Sept.
With the former costing £940 total, and the latter costing £1090 total. Effectively being £150 more expensive, also with one less night in the all inclussive resorts, for the privilege of travelling a couple of days earlier.
The problem occurs as her university begins "Freshers week" on Monday the 30th of September, with lectures beginning on the 7th of October. While she's definitely not interested in the social aspects of Freshers, she's concerned because her course, which she'll be starting her second year of, has "pre-project meetings" which can take place during this freshers week. She's contacted some peers in the year above of her course, and they've said she "would probably miss out a couple of things, but it should be fine."
She's still insisting on the earlier dates, and more expensive+shorter holiday, and I'm getting incredibly fustrated as we've booked a Chistmas break this year that takes place a week after her semester ends, and in the middle of my December assignment hand ins and exams for the third and final year of my course.
Although I was the one who decided it would be okay and I'd just have to work around it for this December holiday, it's upsetting that she's refusing to budge on the dates for next Summer holiday for an even greater financial saving, while only risking having to catch up on a couple minor meetings that take place before lectures even begin.
The fact that I made more sacrifices so that we could afford to go away together than she's even willing to consider makes it feel very one sided, and I can't tell if I'm taking it too personally and being irrational.
So, reddit, am I being the asshole for pushing her to change her mind?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
CtpvxusTrfRkRJ450B0PVYvIlWDSFfu9
|
b2dy52
|
{
"description": "getting upset about cleaning a vacation house I stayed in for free",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting upset about cleaning a vacation house I stayed in for free
|
My wife and I went on a weekend ski trip with a friend of hers, whose boyfriend alone paid for an entire 5 bedroom house. He was in charge of planning the entire trip and ended up inviting way more of his friends than the house could sleep. We got our own room, as did her friend and her boyfriend, but everyone else shared rooms, slept on couches, etc. All of the guests were in their mid 20s.
We didn’t know any of the people that were staying in the house (except for her friend and her boyfriend). As soon as we arrived to the house, I sensed a very immature, party hard vibe. I was right.
We would go skiing in the mornings, and come back to the house and hang out in the late evenings. The routine was always lots of drinking, lots of smoking (in the house which clearly stated not to smoke inside), and lots of loud music and pong. My wife and I would hang for a little bit, but would always retire to bed by 11 at the latest. Everyone else would always stay up til who knows when, which was not a problem to me.
My problem is when we’d wake up the next morning and the place would be a complete disaster. Trash everywhere, half eaten pizza on the table (not on a plate), sticky floor, etc. I think the worst thing I saw was a half eaten corn dog sitting on a dirty plate in the sink soaking in the stagnant, backed up sink water. The place was gross.
Since we weren’t paying for the place, we felt a kind of obligation to clean up, but also who can just sit around in a mess like that? So we would clean the place back to its original condition before everyone else would wake up. Wash, rinse, repeat and next the morning it would be in the same obliterated state. So once again, we’d clean up and hope for the best.
AITA for being upset that no one else respected the shared space enough to simply through their trash away and stick some dishes in the dishwasher?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
K7oDStOlcSdNcNpj37pUYR6GVfnFrhIH
|
a0laht
|
{
"description": "requesting not to be charged shipping on an item",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I requested not to be charged shipping on an item?
|
Hey guys, I’m on mobile so I hope my formatting doesn’t wind up wonky.
A couple weeks ago myself and a couple employees at my business decided that we would go into a Christmas parade. It’s a small town so there’s not any pressure to go ALL OUT, but I didn’t bother setting a budget. I’ve spent probably close to $1000 in decorations and primo candies to hand out.
One thing I wished to buy was flags. I’m a franchise but affiliated with a big enough trademark that I could somewhat easily find some. The only problem was that I was in Canada and the company that makes them is in the States. We’re also on opposite ends of the continent.
They confirmed they do international shipping and I accepted the quote they gave me for priority shipping through Fedex. I’ll mention here as well that the dollar exchange added another $80 on top of the price although I find it a cost of doing business.
I checked my invoice while the package was en route and they had misprinted what I wanted. It was a similar design but not the flags I wanted. I emailed the company and they agreed to very quickly make up the correct flags (the error occurred somewhere between the rep I spoke to and the printing team) and send them my way. I wasn’t charged for them but I did have to pay duties twice, $30CAD a pop.
The rep mentioned that she would let me know what to do with the first flags. I asked what to do with them once I received the correct flags and they would like me to send them back.
That’s the back story. Now I’d like to know if this is where I tread on asshole territory.
I’d like to keep the flags since they’re of nice quality and I could use them as well in the parade. I wouldn’t mind paying the actual cost of the flags plus tax, int’l credit card fees, etc, but I don’t want to pay for the shipping. It’s substantial ($175USD, I’d have to pay the exchange rate on top of it which right now is like 1.30) and to send it back would cost me another $20 anyway (cheapest rates from Canada Post, who are also on strike right now and I’m willing to bet if no packages are coming in over the border possibly before Christmas not many if any at all are going out).
Here’s a review of costs only as far as it applies to these flags:
Initial flags that were mistakenly sent: $340CAD
Duties for flag delivery: $30CAD
Duties for 2nd flag delivery: $30CAD
Prospective costs I’m willing to offer to pay: $70USD + taxes, fees
Potential cost for their request: $20+ to ship back
Potential cost I’m avoiding: $175USD
So WITBA to request to pay all but the shipping for the second flags?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
2Qk7X2Ut1X39C4rK0e3ASGcYCsWnVrra
|
am99zr
|
{
"description": "being angry about my friends not including me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being angry about my friends not including me?
|
Basically I’m angry that my friends made plans to hang out tonight instead of tomorrow when I said a few days ago when we were talking about making plans that I could hang tomorrow night but that I’d be out of town today.
Then my best friend and host of the plans tonight messages me to ask what time I’d be back and if I could come hang out when I got back tonight, but I have work in the morning and can’t, like I said days ago. And so he said okay, and I assumed we were all hanging out tomorrow.
But then I find out that they’re hanging out right now without me, which I’m a little irritated about. I can handle not being included when I have other obligations, but the thing is, tomorrow’s plans are canceled because they hung tonight.
So now I’m left out, and I’m the angriest with my best friend because he lead me to believe that we’d all hang tomorrow (it’s at his house so he gets to determine when of course). And everyone is available tomorrow and nothing is going on with his parents or anything that would prevent us from being able to hang there. Is it unreasonable for me to be mad?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ihkcacx4Buv602Aiue2qdGnMuf2ef6O6
|
avk15q
|
{
"description": "accepting a job offer and then turning it down afterward",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA If I accepted a job offer and then turned it down afterward?
|
Hi Everyone.
So, currently I hate the job that I work. It's just not the job that I want to be in, nor is it really related to my degree.
I have been applying for and have interviewed for a couple of jobs.
One is a Case Manager position at a reform school of sorts. It pays a little less than I make now, but it has better benefits. The hours are a bit irregular, but that's not a huge deal for me. They just called today and offered me the job. I asked them to give me time to decide and they have given me until 2:00PM ESt tomorrow, which is where the issue arises.
There is another job that I have applied for and have done two phone interviews for. It seems to be going well for me. It is a Human Resources position. All around this job is the one that is more attractive to me. Better pay, regular hours, etc. Also, HR can be super lucrative once you have the experience. I have an in-person interview for this position on Wednesday of next week. I think there is a good chance that I'll get offered the job, but it's still definitely up in the air.
So, while I would definitely prefer the HR job, I fear that if I turn down the Case Manager position and don't get offered the HR job, I'll be stuck in the job that I currently hate.
However if I accept the position and then get offered the HR position, I would feel like a total dick telling them I changed my mind.
I've gotten various advice from friends and family, but I am still uncertain, so I have come to the #1 problem solver: Reddit.
I appreciate any responses, I could really use the help!
Sorry for the long post. I hope it makes sense, but if not I can clarify it.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
S7rWcnaqFM5SMiyg3TjY4hy5gRqbEag2
|
aioj32
|
{
"description": "wanting my depressed male friend that moved to Africa to leave me alone even though I'm one of his only friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my depressed male friend(17) that moved to Africa to leave me alone even though I'm one of his only friends?
|
Last year my friend, who I had known for 3 years prior, was forced to move to Africa by his parents. His parents were missionaries and they dragged him along with them. He had been depressed before moving but it has gotten so much worse after. He found out he wouldnt be coming back until at least 2021, This led to me(16) and a few of my friends(all 16) to talk to him in a groupchat everyday for almost 4 months. We saw him slowly spiral down and down until the point where he stopped caring if he lived or not.
But recently it's become a burden for me to keep talking about the same three topics of why he is depressed, and all it does is lead to me being sad, and him getting a moment of bliss. I've done this for nearly a year and 3 months now and I find it extremely hard to find the will to message him everyday knowing it will lead to me being sad and nothing changing within him. I've slowly started pulling away and been only on to talk every 3 or 4 days. If you have any questions you can ask. I may not answer right away but I will.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
iALDYQ9R7AwtIavs2duQP18F1AWvnzBf
|
abwjqv
|
{
"description": "being upset at my mother actions",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being upset at my mother actions.
|
Am I the asshole for being upset at my mother for upending and splintering her families life and moving to another state for a Job.
My mother and father have been together for 30 years. My mother had two other marriages and two other children resulting from them. Instead of going to college she decided to drink, do drugs, and have children. At thirty she met my father, got married, and had me. My father bailed her out of her massive credit card debt, bought an old Victorian fixer upper for us to live in, and always made sure everyone needs were met before his which often included shopping trips, new cars, and plastic surgery for my mother.
Growing up both of my parents worked blue collar jobs. My dad worked on the railroad, built a rental property business, and was the main provider. My mother worked as a receptionist and eventually worked her way up to sales. When she was 50 and the children were out of high school she decided to go back to college through her workplace and earned her B.S. and eventually MBA which lead to her transitioning into HR Management and actually began out earning my father. We were all very proud of her and for once my parents where both save money, buy nice things, and help out their children. Their long-term goal was to always retire, buy a beach house in North Carolina, and live between Ohio and NC.
The downside of her new career was that her personality shifted from being a mother/grandmother to a career driven professional. Eventually, she overstayed her welcome at her long time job and was forced out. She quickly found a similar position about 45 minutes from home. She was let go at this job roughly 6 months ago after 3 years which happened to be a few weeks after my father had retired from his job and sold off his rental business after 42 years. My father is now 60 and my mother is 58. My father managed to save $1,000,000+ in his 401k, sold his rental business for $600,000, and paid off the house they live in. My mother has managed to save $350,000 but is not eligible to retire until 60. They both will receive a pension from my fathers job that adds up to $70,000 per year.
Here is where I am torn emotionally. My mother refused to retire early cut expenses and live on $70,000 a year for 2 years before she could dig into her 401k. My father refused to cut into his 401k to make up the difference because he wants to eventually put it into a trust fund for the children much and gift us the maximum untaxable amount every Christmas much like his father and mother did for him. This financial dispute and my moms need to prove herself after failing twice has driven her to move to North Carolina for a similar job as before which has left my father and her family feeling abandoned in Ohio. This hurt that she put her career ahead of her family but we understood since it would only be until she was 60 and could retire. Over the holidays she repeatedly pressured my father into selling the family home and move to NC with her immediately and never come back to Ohio which was not their plan a few years ago. The problem is that he is the only sibling in Ohio that is taking care of his 92 year old father and he now feels torn between his responsibility to his father and marriage. In the process I feel abandoned by my mother as I am in the process of getting married and hopefully having children. Children which I had hoped would have a close relationship with their grandparents much like I did.
TLDR: Am I the Asshole for feeling like my mother is being selfish by putting her career before her familial duties and feeling abandoned.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
wdRYpSatpzJqV24kxfQSMk9il2S9gKWf
|
b21b0e
|
{
"description": "offering to pay for half a ticket",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for offering to pay for half a ticket
|
Short 'n sweet:
My BF and I often go our own ways on weekend nights. We don't live together, but he's often over at my place. Last Sunday I woke up ahead of him and I noticed a ticket on the couch. Later that week, I notice that the ticket is in the flower pot by the door. I'm cleaning and assume it's trash and throw it out.
My boyfriend came home today (Saturday) and asked where the ticket was. I said I had thrown it out. He says "well, you're paying for that."
I offer to pay him for half of it, as I shouldn't have thrown it away without texting him, but feel like he also should have put the ticket in our filing cabinet.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
zoQHjIgYJ4jUjj1elCqYF3u5dzsZEuJp
|
a8sob8
|
{
"description": "receiving shitty bonus",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for receiving shitty bonus.
|
So here’s the backstory...
I’ve been working for this company that I absolutely love for quite some time now. My first year as an employee we got handed Christmas bonus checks the week before Christmas which was awesome and was about $500, not bad for just starting ten years ago.
Every year after it has grown and these are not mandatory by any means but this year when they came around it was $500. Keep in mind I am totally grateful for anything at all as they’re not outlined in our contract but to give some reference point my last years bonus was 12 times that amount.
What grinds my gears a bit on it is that our staff has really put in more effort this year than any other year, the company has grown significantly and has reinvested the money back into the company but seems like they forgot to budget for the people that got the company to where they’re at. All the staff is in the same boat and I don’t know how to approach the owners as I am a manager now and everyone is looking at me for some answers. So essentially, aita for feeling shitty about shitty bonuses ?
Sorry for bad grammar and what not don’t crucify me. Any advice would be cool though
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
StrEsGTujTuuouXq9St3gGm8ALHL7prP
|
avo5pn
|
{
"description": "sharing a meme",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for sharing a meme?
|
I've been in a fwb situation with this woman from my grad school program. We had a previous big fight where she straight up cut me out of her life rather than talk about it. We patched things up but then this happened. I shared a meme that said "Bisexuality doesn't exis...
" with Aquaman and Wonder Woman on it. She calls me an asshole over it. I tried explaining the joke but she doubled down, saying I was an asshole, I should have explained I don't actually believe what it says. I should apologize to her and delete it like a true friend. Now normally I would apologize if I offend someone unintentionally, but calling me an asshole cause you don't get the joke is not a good way to get it. I also don't take kindly to being told what I can or can't say or post. I try to explain how I've felt and how she's been distant and that her coming at me like this makes me think she wants to be offended. Well she flips out up to the point where I just say I don't even want to be friends anymore. She is specially offended cause I, who know her quite well would, share it but she's fine with not being friends. I point out her recent distant behaviors, not wanting to even consider hanging out and this make me think she wants me out of her life so I accept. I feel lousy about it all but I've actually been doing okay, I miss her cause we were pretty close and I don't have a lot of friends in town, but the lack of drama is nice.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
RHIOZLhztEnENqcdqJYbEGFDgHB1UaKA
|
9u2z88
|
{
"description": "throwing my friend's cigarette in the bin when he offered it me when he knew my virulent anti-smoking stance",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I threw my friend’s cigarette in the bin when he offered it me when he knew my virulent anti-smoking stance?
|
Title
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
gNQzy1hDrT0tZ8X5qtVOnPchfXKX9Av8
|
av25ij
|
{
"description": "never replying to my (best)friend after we agreed to have a nightout",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for never replying to my (best)friend after we agreed to have a nightout
|
Ok first of all, i did that because I've had enough of everything she's been pulling the past few years.
First, she keeps on calling the people part of LGBTQI+ disgusting like saying "ew" and "wtf disgusting" in our language. She also started avoiding our friend who came out to us a few years ago saying "I'm scared she might start hitting on me"
Second, she wants me to lie to her parents about her going out drinking. I mean i'm ok with the lie of omission if they're not asking me. But recently they did and i guess they're getting suspicious. And i don't want to lie to them anymore. She even asked me to lie to her parents that I'm the one going out of town with her when she's actually going with her boyfriend who's a dealer and have a fuckfest.
And what eventually made me want cut my ties with her is the fact that she wanted us to drink. At her parent's house. Down the basement. And be quiet so we won't get caught.
I did my best (our other friends were telling me im not a bestfriend more like a mother at this point).
Though i do feel guilty. I enjoyed my first years with her. We used to have the same humour but i guess everuthing changes with time. I'm probably her only friend by now. I was with her for 9 years as we graduated highschool together. I was with her when she had to transfer from one school to another for college. It's been 5 years and she's still taking freshman subjects.
Tldr; had enough of her shit so i kind of abandoned her. Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
JI0txRQ1rvlE1XgGum1iWjNKmrxZdI6Q
|
am9aak
|
{
"description": "getting on to my students for forgetting their music",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting on to my students for forgetting their music?
|
I'm a 1st year music teacher. I'm in my band class working with the students and one of my trombone players walk in late. He casually sits down in the wrong section and begins looking at someone else's music because he forgot his (he's still in the wrong section so he's reading baritone music. Not even his own part). I look at him and ask him where his music is. He says he left it in his cubby. I am him why and he says he just forgot it. I'm livid because I'm looking at a person who is in the 11th grade and has been in band since 6th grade. I start to chew him out on how he could leave his stuff around on such a regular basis. He tells 9th graders to keep up with HIS stuff. About student includes himself in the conversation of me chewing him out and says that it's just a piece of paper. I have to teach high schoolers the fact that waking into a music classroom is like waking outside without pants on. They still disregard it and say it's just a piece of paper.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
WRONG
|
gSxFnRNcbsXLSmuaRlKf9HgdWuoOjxpZ
|
asb0pu
|
{
"description": "\"testing\" my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for “testing” my friend
|
Long story short my friend has a quarter life crisis and a bucket list I help him complete task. One thing on his list is to travel to London. He is an idea guy and has no plan so I book flights and hotel rooms. Once there I see the list of sights and go to them I. The order he wrote. It’s awful he went back and fourth to many times (London eye > Tower bridge > Big Ben > Bourgh Market > West Minster Abbey) so when we get to the hotel I organize the trip so we don’t waste time. The next day goes well we are ahead of schedule he complains so I let him choose we’re to go next it is a 30 minute drive away then we head to the next place which prior to our detour was a 10 min walk away I point that out he gets angry. He is in charge the next day I don’t help him at all we get lost and I enjoy wat bing him stress out. he accuses me of testing him and that I only did this to prove a point. He said I am an ass I make everything a competition and I am always one upping him and proving him wrong I am the reason he has low self esteem. AITA cause I feel like it also one other friend has accused me of similar things but most friends haven’t
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
sQy3tOerXVYeWbETzp5mryHZCBVpTEvg
|
a7bu77
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go home for Christmas, and cancelling last minute",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go home for Christmas, and cancelling last minute?
|
Ahh, the Holidays. The most wonderful time of the year. Spending it with family, unsettling small talk about lives and kids that no one actually listens too. BEST TIME OF THE YEAR!!!
My wife and I are currently in an internal conflict whether or not to go home for Christmas weekend. After my wife and I got married 3 years ago, we decided that Michigan sucked and moved down to Tennessee. Close enough away where we could drive, but far enough away where we can be away from everyone when we do not want too.
​
We have not been home for Christmas in a few years just because of us traveling or not having money to make it up, so this year we decided to do it and make the trip. We were SUPER excited because we have not seen our family and friends in a very long time, and our crazy little puppers have not seen snow before, it was going to be a memorable time. This was until we told our families.
​
Now, my wife and I come from very similar households. Both of our parents divorced at around 12 years old (27 years of age currently.) And 15 years later, both sides can not get over their divorces. My mother in law remarried 5 years ago and has been married to the most toxic and self deprecating person I have ever met. He is one of those guys that has to be the center of attention wherever he goes, and if he is not, he sits and pouts in a corner somewhere, (mind you, he is over 50.) Well we heard that they were FINALLY getting a divorce, they talked about it for years but it seemed like this time it was happening because he wanted it. My mother in law actually seemed happy and actually talked about coming to visit us on her own (she is the, "I need a man or I can't survive" types.) WELL, a few days ago, he decided to come out saying he was Bipolar and Manic Depressive and has started taking medication. Now THAT is the magic fix to their relationship. First he needed his kids out of the house, then he'd be fixed if he became a catholic, now this? No, he is just an asshole. And now that theyre back together, all of our plans are changing even though we made them a month ago. What first started off as an incredible time to see my wifes crazy big and awesome family, has turned into sounding like the most stressful thing ever. (Her real dad is completely MIA btw.)
​
My side of the family is kinda the only reason that we would go up. My mom and I don't really talk, but we are still nice to each other when we see one other. My Dad and I recently have repaired our relationship and have become very close. I do miss him and he is the only reason I really have wanted to go up. That and one other:
​
So my Grandpa has had a form of cancer for over a year, and it has started to spread slowly. My dad has been kinda saying it might be his last Christmas, so it would be a good idea for us to come up. My Grandpa is your standard, prideful 90 year old who doesn't need your young people and such. Very independent man, we are not very close cause he is not close to anyone. But we figured we would go up this year for Christmas, and possibly see him for Christmas one last time .
​
What seemed like a fun trip when we planned it, has now turned into a crazy stressful and agonizing experience of dealing with people we do not want to deal with, driving EVERYWHERE. ( our families live an hour and a half a way from eachother.) A nice, quiet Christmas at home just seems like what we REALLY wanna do.
​
We are supposed to drive up Friday night. Would we be assholes if we decided to cancel last minute?
​
I can answer any more questions about our families/history if anyone is interested! Figured I would try and keep it short for now.
​
​
​
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
PZtI6FHOIOOmMuikHNXkT2vb79a8CKaf
|
adf30k
|
{
"description": "not paying someone back while I'm still waiting for money back myself",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not paying someone back while I'm still waiting for money back myself.
|
So I recently moved to Japan and as such found myself with limited funds as it is.
I met (what I thought) was a nice group of people and we decided to rent 2 cars and all go on a road trip to see some sights. We agreed before even booking anything that we'd split the cost of the day by 13.
A taxi to the rental place was rather expensive but as we agreed to split it 13 ways I didn't mind paying up front.
Person A payed for both cars on their credit card.
Person B (5 seater) and myself (8 seater) had international drivers licences and payed tolls for each of the vehicles we drove.
As I haven't received my first paycheck from work yet (monthly pay) I am out of pocket from the day about 9000 yen ($100\~) for tolls and taxi.
People who owe me money have been talking behind my back and are no longer...well friends and refuse to pay me back the money they owe me because I still haven't payed my 1\\13th of the car rental.
Am I the Asshole because I can't\\won't put myself further out of pocket until I'm reimbursed for my expenses.
Added note: The people in Person A's car has split the costs by 5 and pay the driver back and payed their 1\\13th of the rental costs to Person A.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
b1M0cKH5HToh5i4y5OEY2YLAw570gxyG
|
ads59s
|
{
"description": "being upset that she seemed to lose interest in me rather quickly/abruptly, despite sticking with me through an unconventional relationship",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset that she seemed to lose interest in me rather quickly/abruptly, despite sticking with me through an unconventional relationship?
|
Some background info: I'm in high school so this is one of the first relationships of this sort that I've had. Also, this is a long story but there is a TL;DR at the bottom for those who want to really cut to the chase; I recommend reading through, though, because there is some important context in the main body of the story.
I liked this girl for a long time (around a year or so) but never told her how I felt because I was afraid of losing her friendship in case she didn't feel the same way (we were relatively close friends for the last 2-3 years). A couple months ago, she began showing signs that she felt the same way and wanted to be something more than friends, and I happily obliged. For a while, everything was going pretty well as we got to know each other even better and spent a lot of time and had a lot of fun together.
An important note to add here: both of us share the same religion, which frowns upon dating and other relationships with the other gender outside of marriage. Because of this, both of our parents are extremely conservative and are totally against either of us dating anyone at all, not just each other. The two of us have also both had relationships with other people in the past, which were discovered by parents and resulted in punishments. Finally, just to put the cherry on top, our parents are family friends and have known each other for years as well.
After about a month of us spending time together, I began to become extremely concerned that our parents would somehow find out about us, especially as I recalled how my parents had found out about my last relationship due to some texts that I had forgotten to delete. It got to the point where I was unable to sleep at night over being stressed about this, so I told her that we could never date because I didn't want our parents to find out about anything (her parents are especially strict about her not having any relationships or anything, and I didn't want to be the reason that her parents became angry with her or some family conflict ensued). She understood where I was coming from and had even had similar concerns (though probably was not as worried as I was), so this didn't create a huge issue between us that I could really see.
We continued to spend a LOT of time together over the next month and a half or so, getting closer and closer. Despite my promises to myself that I would try to control my feelings so that I would start to think about taking our relationship any further, I really fell for her and began to think of her as someone that I loved; it seemed that she was also beginning to feel the same way. Again, the only reason that I did not want to make our relationship official despite knowing how we felt about each other was to spare the two of us from being discovered by our parents.
Over the last two weeks, we had winter break from school so I didn't see her for about ten days, although we continued to talk over text for a good portion of those ten days. When I returned to school, I began to feel like she was angry at me or that I had done something wrong because she seemed to be avoiding me, choosing to walk with her friends and talking to me as little as possible (I don't have any problems with her being with her friends, but it was out of the norm as compared to the last few weeks when we had been spending as much time with each other as possible). That day I was also very tired, having not slept very much the night before finishing schoolwork, and generally was not in a great mood. I began to think that it was because of this that she was unhappy with me, so I apologized and explained why I had been off. She waved it off, saying that I had done nothing wrong, and I thought the problem was resolved. However, later in the day, I texted her just to talk, as we had done regularly for the last few weeks, but she never responded. I assumed that she was probably just sleeping or something, but was a bit worried due to the way the day had gone.
The next day, I stayed home to make up the sleep that I had lost the night before. I didn't contact her really at all until the evening despite having been at home all day, and again she never responded. I began to worry that she might be upset that I hadn't told her why I didn't go to school or something along those lines, so the next day I explained myself. Again, she said that it was okay and told me that it was fine. However, she definitely avoided me throughout the day, to the point where she wouldn't even look at me. I then began to accept the thing that I had been thinking all week, but didn't want to believe: that she was just tired of me and/or had lost interest.
I understand that I have no right to make her feel a certain way about me or to expect that she feels the way about me that I do about her. I hold no grudges or hard feelings against her solely because she is no longer interested in me, but I have been upset that she chose to communicate that her feelings had changed by ceasing to talk to or interact with me. I understand why she may have lost interest, since we'd had a relatively strange relationship and because it seemed like it wasn't going anywhere, but unknown to her I had been thinking about making us official for a long time and there was no question as to whether I liked her or not; I'd say at that point, without a question, I was really in love (which may be why this is seems more upsetting than it should be). I'm also still somewhat still afraid that I might have done something extremely wrong (although nothing stands out to me), because I cannot see any other reason why a friend of 3-4 years would suddenly cut me off without any explanation.
TL;DR - A girl and I liked each other, but I never tried to make us official out of worry as to what might happen if her or my parents ever found out. She suddenly stopped talking to me, and I have been upset because of the way that our relationship ended.
Thank you to those who read the whole story, I know it was a lot. Please tell me what you think: AITA for being upset about the way our relationship ended, or should I be more considerate as to how she might have been feeling throughout all of this?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
5OUfTWuekgmO304DYfPZqu0vHOJn6Z6C
|
al69mq
|
{
"description": "arguing with my mom to try and keep us safe",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for arguing with my mom to try and keep us safe?
|
My mom and I have very similar personality traits in that we both try so hard to prove to the other that we are right. Of course being almost 18 but not quite, it can get quite dicey almost every day over small commonplace things.
Anyways, tonight after arguing with my mom for the infinitieth time, she takes my phone, regular routine, but starts spewing off about how I'm a terrible child and that I don't show her enough respect.
She then asks me to drive to a weekly therapy session for us (fitting), and it is in the rain. After 5 minutes I have gotten a bit tired of my mom pelting criticism at me, and I ask for her to stop so that I can concentrate on the road and keep us safe in the rain.
She is able to do so for maybe 1 minute before going back at it again. I just keep my eyes on the road so we stay safe, and she is just getting angrier at the fact that I'm remaining emotionless. Finally we make it to the driveway, and as I'm trying to pull in, she pulls out one last criticism and I get so stuck up on it that I end up pulling into a concrete pillar at only about 1mph.
After about 10 seconds of both of us being in shock, she just breaks down crying and i apologize 5 times as she is leaving the car.
After that I say sorry once more, but tell her that I warned her that it would be dangerous to keep being so cold, harsh and critical toward me while trying to keep us alive.
She got pissed saying that I was shifting the blame to her and that I am an Asshole.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
iwZhDMj3ZsGG8U4btT501RypIgecXyZx
|
arzihk
|
{
"description": "getting more than I wanted but less than I was promised",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting more than I wanted but less than I was promised?
|
Pretext: if i'm honest, the only reason I didn't push this issue is because I didn't want to end up on r/ChoosingBeggars.
I ordered pizza from Papa John's the other night. They were abnormally busy and whenever that happens, I try to be extra nice to people. Totally understand it, I've worked in the service industry. Anyway, I order my pizza and wings, it takes significantly longer than they told me it would be, I remain patient. When it finally comes out, it's packed, so I don't check the pizza like I normally would, and leave.
Get home and there's a topping missing. No big deal, it's one topping. I wait a little bit, knowing it's busy, and call and tell them, asking if I can just get a coupon for next time. I figure they'll give me $2 off or something, roughly the price of a topping. I don't mind a missing topping, I mind paying for something I didn't get. The employee's response was something to the extent of "We've taken care of it." To which I ask, ok, are you refunding or something for the future or something? And he says "I'm not sure, call back later." Ok, sure.
I call back around 10pm, and remind them of the situation, specifically citing the person's name from earlier. They said apparently ***whatever*** I get next time is on the house. Ok, sweet deal! I guess being patient and nice pays off.
I call today and I think "It's probably fair for me to not order more than what I did last time, right?" So I order the exact same pizza, with wings. I explain the situation, which this guy actually remembers from that night. I go to pick up the pizza and they ask for \~$8. I tell them I must have misunderstood, I thought it was on the house and they tell me they can only comp the pizza. AITA for wanting what they promised even though they didn't mess up my wings? Should I just report myself to r/ChoosingBeggars?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
8Ghcn8NamvyefvSbVAW6exypYsHCDCiL
|
a74oa7
|
{
"description": "making my (younger sister) walk the dog once in a while",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making my (Younger sister) walk the dog once in a while?
|
I’m currently 14 and my sister is 11. We have a dog who is 1 and a half and I walk him most of time. I just ask my sister to walk him once or twice a week, when I’m tired. He’s not my dog, he’s the family’s dog, but whenever I bring this up, my mom and dad say that I shouldn’t have asked for a dog if I don’t want to walk him everyday. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
juh9CMwERfkJiR2I3xdYhBNz2WASjXpM
|
ayrd5k
|
{
"description": "going to a meet and greet instead of having a meal with my best mate",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going to a meet and greet instead of having a meal with my best mate?
|
Long time lurker, first time poster. On mobile as well
Okay so uk boi here, and backstory for the day, i went out with best friend to go shopping and shit, but i'm so easily distracted I wasn't really listening to her half the time, and being a bit snappy, so I was being an asshole in that case, but we talked and i apologised for that etc. All was good.
But shit went down much later. The reason why we went shopping is that it was pancake day (UK thing) and we'd missed it cause she wasnt feeling well, so we decided to do it the next day. I go home, leaving her with her mate in town, saying we'd make pancakes when she came back. As she came back, i get a text off a different mate telling me to get to a nearby town, as the band while she sleeps (a favourite of mine) are doing a signing and that his dad had got him two free tickets to the signing and the show.
Now me, loving the band and knowing that this is an extremely rare opportunity to meet them (for free), message mate 1 and tell her that I'm so sorry but I'm gonna have to cancel cause i'm not gonna get this opp again
The only other thing is, she was going home from Thursday-monday (we're both at university) so it was the only opportunity to have these plans
Tl;dr I cancelled on my best mate last minute cause i was given the opportunity to meet one of my favourite bands the day before she went away
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
qnd8Ki9q8B17kBennVSWozLmCIkECe0z
|
aqrr1y
| null |
AITA friend and I are debating. Is it ok to ask the size of a man dick on date ?
|
So (F)riend of mine has the habit of asking dudes how big there dicks are and often follows up with a joke about about not being interested in small penises.
So I(M) don’t think that this is appropriate and we decided the best the solution would be to let the people decide.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
s5l8QfaNogjrZVKlBiM2pfuU2RJMv4O8
|
a8kh9p
|
{
"description": "asking for Christmas dessert help",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking for Christmas dessert help?
|
My wife works very hard as a doctor and has recently returned from an interstate assignment for 6 months. I have a work function and I would like her to make Christmas macaroons with her new food processor (that i got her for Christms) for dessert. I know she needs time to work on her master's degree, but i would love her help. She is really excited to help me, but my father in law suggest I'm a sexist pig. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
26VNkn8zhojAPNPDkOFPlxJXeuzJonYl
|
b8b8ad
|
{
"description": "not changing a homeless man's money",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not changing a homeless man’s money
|
This happened a few months ago but I was thinking about it. I’m 18F and work part-time at McDonalds (UK).
This homeless man stays outside of our maccies a fair bit, and people occasionally give him money/bring him in and pay for his food, or he comes and buys food. That’s all cool.
He came in one time when I was on till with a pile of change and wanted to exchange it, but we have a company policy about not changing money because of people accidentally giving too much, getting confused etc.
I asked my manager and she said no and sent him away, but I still felt slightly guilty. I had a managers card on me so I could have opened the till, and when people have asked me before I’ll sometimes exchange money (if someone has £10 and needs two £5’s, but never exchanging lots of change for money).
I know it’s company policy, but like ethically was I the asshole for not exchanging his change?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
RnzBanEmHVqIKx4wBcDPxxzIMtEnaqG0
|
b2c8wq
|
{
"description": "taking the bigger tip",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For taking the bigger tip
|
So today at work I come in and there’s a lot of dishes oh fuck me . So it’s me and me coworker doing dishes we usually have a lot of food prep but luckily we only had one left chicken. So the plan is to knock as many dishes before 8:30 and then do chicken, get our food, then finish dishes before 10:30. Well we do the first step but then it comes time to do chicken and he wants to lag ass and be slow I make our labels and he chooses to take out the trash right then in now which is a 20 minute task. I’m like bro come on let’s just finish chicken so we can leave on time he then says he doesn’t want it to pile up at the end of the night. I’m like bro do chicken first we do chicken it’s 915 he gets all the trash up from 915 to 940 it shouldn’t take that long then goes on a trash run. Leaving me with tons of dishes alone because he wants to be slow. He comes back at 10. Now I busted my ass trying to knock out dishes but it was too much and while I’m struggling he slowly sweeps the floor for 30 minutes. It’s 1030 we shoulda beeen done but no. So I leave with a drastically smaller stack and say have fun your on your own. We have kinda of a group tip everyone gets 8 dollars but one person gets three. She said the last to clock out gets the three. Not only did I leave him with that small stack I left him with the three so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
88ug3uaEBA4UOj8Z3bTkXdO0JrZun0dr
|
b3edd1
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to a bridal shower for a person I met once",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to a bridal shower for a person I met once
|
I (27F) was invited to a bridal shower for a woman who is marrying my boyfriends cousin. My boyfriend (27M) is not close to this cousin and we are actually unsure we are even going to be able to attend the wedding (out of town trip already planned for that weekend). My boyfriends Mom(50s) and sister(29) were also invited.
The date of the bridal shower is the day I was planning some birthday festivities for my close friend. I have met this woman only once at a party. I assume she was probably inviting everyone that’s invited to the wedding as well. I just have no desire to sit there and watch someone open presents for hours, play games, and not to mention I’d have to purchase a gift and we are currently in intense savings mode for a house. I had talked to my boyfriend about skipping and he said it was no big deal, and that it would be fine to skip. But then I talked to my Mom...and as Moms do best, she planted seeds of doubt.
My mom thinks it would be a good opportunity to get closer to my boyfriends Mom and sister and have some bonding time. (We have been dating for over 2 years so I know them pretty well I think) Whenever we see his family, we are all cordial but I just don’t see any real connections happening with his Mom and sister unfortunately. They are both deeply into Catholicism and don’t really drink or swear. I am an atheist and love me some fucking booze. We just don’t seem to have too much common ground. My boyfriend is also pretty removed from them (if given the choice he’d rather hang out with my family) So I’d say we get along with them but we don’t share a closeness. Some of you may say this may be an opportunity to open the door to closeness but I feel if closeness was going to happen it probably would have by now. If I really wanted to, I could switch around some birthday festivities to accommodate this but idk AITA for wanting to skip out on this shower?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wGWvvwdD9a5NNZ89YKMNaUsoPt95P3i5
|
azt6nd
|
{
"description": "breaking up with GF for cheating even though I had previously",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for breaking up with GF for cheating even though I had previously...
|
Pretty much title. Overseas holiday and I kissed a girl but left the situation immediately afterward. Reconciled this by thinking I’d done the right thing by not continuing despite her wanting to do more. Returned home and nothing was spoken of it.
Several months later, she comes to me crying and confesses to me that she had kissed her ex-boyfriend at a nightclub when we were going through a particularly rough period. She was clearly upset and reinforced she had no feelings for him and had regretted it ever since.
Following this I tried to be supportive, however, I found it extremely difficult to come to terms with this - especially since she had continued to put herself in social situations in which she had known he would be there. We took a little bit of time apart before I eventually told her that I couldn’t go on with the relationship knowing what I know. Adding to my decision was the fact that she had had a track record of cheating on a boyfriend before.
I definitely feel guilt in the aftermath of the situation, given that she had the courage to admit it and I hadn’t. In the months since our breakup she has already found another partner which has made it tougher. At the time of finding out, I did not even consider my own cheating to be anywhere near as serious and have only realised recently how hypocritical this sounds.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
5c4rG9CzYepl4deDUOoKhreA0LDJ5Cyo
|
ak9j1o
|
{
"description": "accidentally ruining my girlfriend's laundry on her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accidentally ruining my girlfriend’s laundry on her birthday?
|
My girlfriend and I live together and tomorrow is her birthday. She’s super stressed out right now due to the fact that she’s currently on a 24 hour shift that ends at 10 AM tomorrow (on her actual birthday), and she plans on sleeping away most of the day after that.
I thought it’d be nice to tackle the mountain of laundry in our shared hamper while she’s at work. I’m folding two or three loads’ worth when I see not one, but two pens (that I’ve never seen before — definitely hers) among the laundry. I then look more closely at the clothing and there are black ink stains on 90% of the articles of clothing.
So yeah, key details are all there — her birthday, her pens, my attempt at being thoughtful, I never did a pocket check, now her sports bras look like Rorschach tests.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
6jJdLwqUnDaZEhhlAvVEQiQXcFJd1Uzv
|
aufbwc
|
{
"description": "misleading an aerospace company I'm interning at into thinking I want to work for them",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for misleading an aerospace company I'm interning at into thinking I want to work for them?
|
I'm a senior in high school and last summer I had a 6 week internship at a large aerospace company. I told them I liked the work environment very much and that I was interested in continuing. They want me to come back this summer as well, and I expect this will lead to a college internship offer in 2020.
The thing is, I'm not that interested in this company. They make airplanes, and I'm more interested in space and defense. I am using this company so that I have an engineering job to put on my resume. Now I would love to work at this company but I feel like I would enjoy working at Lockheed Martin or JPL or something more.
Am I the asshole if I take another summer internship at this company and use that to work somewhere "better"? Or is that just part of getting a job?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Us566TeIfSzIHfFjOabYHM0XtWu2cChu
|
b1w6g9
|
{
"description": "not sitting with an acquaintance on the plane",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not sitting with an acquaintance on the plane
|
Okay, now I know I’m going to sound like a dumbass so just bear with me please. I was sitting at my gate at the airport when someone I know from my scholarship program at my university messaged me and asked if I was at the airport. I looked around and saw her and we talked. She is so nice and an underclassman and really just deserves everything. We checked our seats and I just checked my seat number and not the section I was seated in. I did not pick my seat, I just got assigned to it automatically. We decided to try to sit together because I assumed I was in basic economy like her (as I have been in basic economy literally every single time I have flown). When they started calling zones, I discovered that I was in Comfort+ (the good seats with SO much leg room. I looked at her and said oh wow I didn’t realize I was in that and she said that I should go. I am currently sitting in my more comfortable seat that someone would definitely be willing to trade for. AITA if I don’t move seats to sit with her? And not just AITA, but would it be more appropriate to sit with her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nu47S0znwBL5xjPnBzOuKzPV6fRzDLhX
|
b7il0m
|
{
"description": "waking up my husband to get me a drink and snacks",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I wake up my husband to get me a drink and snacks? (Light hearted)
|
I am three months pregnant and really want a ginger ale and some flavor blasted goldfish we bought at the store today. But I'm snuggling my sleeping toddler and am really comfy.
Will I be the asshole if i wake him up to get it for me?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
bYAnt1uUw5fbWEs9n1CMRwCmjtoVlG5b
|
b7vlk3
|
{
"description": "being annoyed by my aunt staring me after doing something I don't really do that much",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being annoyed by my aunt staring me after doing something I don’t really do that much?
|
I’m a first time poster and on mobile so sorry about any formatting issues.
Backstory/Context: I (14f) don’t really do my makeup that much despite having a lot of it. Also I hate any sort of attention to myself, especially from my family and tend to stay in my room. Another thing to note is that this happened around 30 minutes ago.
So this story starts off with me deciding to do my makeup since I got bored. My family knows that I never really do my makeup so they would notice and pay attention, so I just put my head down whenever anyone from my family comes into my room in hopes that they wouldn’t notice.
About 10 minutes after I was done, my aunt walked into my room to talk to my mom and must’ve noticed. When she was about to walk out, she kind of bend down to see if I was wearing makeup and I told her something along the lines of “please don’t look at me it makes me feel weird.” I said this kind of slurring so maybe there was some mistranslation. Also I don’t think this is exactly what I said, but I know it was something similar to that and said something about feeling weird.
Anyways, afterwards my mom instantly called me out and blew up on how what I said was rude and started to say things about how today I’ve been rude and that I have a really bad attitude. Also I overheard my aunt talking to her boyfriend about the incident and said she never said anything about that and that she was just looking at my makeup. My cousin actually came into my room as I was talking to her and asked if I called her mom rude, to which I denied and said that I felt weird.
My family knows that I don’t like being stared at so I don’t know why my aunt and mom act hostile towards me every time I say I don’t want to be stared at or recorded but sometimes they do make me feel as if I am the A-hole. Honestly this isn’t the first time they have gotten mad at me for something like this so maybe I am being the A-hole every time? I should probably just not wear makeup if I don’t want any attention.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
iVIAZTaZt657qYiTtEYo4EhI4EEHeSvi
|
ba50mc
|
{
"description": "involving police about noise",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for involving police about noise.
|
I'm in a shared house with someone who is essentially my polar opposite. To put it as simply as possible I'm the stereotype of who would win those "going to be successful" awards in american secondary schools, set myself extremely high standards and work very hard to meet them. This involves getting up at 5:30 daily otherwise I literally don't have enough time to get stuff done.
​
The guy I frequently argue with fits the neckbeard stereotype very well, and I wouldn't care. Apart from he stays up very late playing video games or doing stuff with friends and stops me sleeping or having girls over. After asking him multiple times to keep the noise down at night the only way I've got him to shut up is to get the police involved, which I feel sort of guilty about.
​
Do I sound like the arsehole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
u0lMtJPlqFamtnNwT0gCZCQNAfcXVFAm
|
aeezjh
|
{
"description": "pushing my sister down the stairs",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for pushing my sister down the stairs?
|
So this happened about a decade ago. I was ten and my sister was twelve. She’d recently broken her leg, and I was having emotionally/mental issues due to bullying at school and family problems, which were causing several severe physical issues (to the point where my paid for me to take an MRI, despite us not having insurance: I couldn’t eat or sleep, and I was having bouts of severe nausea that looked like Mineres Disease while suffering from emetophobia)
She starting nitpicking me. My clothes, my hair, my lack of friends, my schooling, telling me that I was faking my panic attacks and that all I wanted from my parents was attention... We share a room, and she’d been doing this basically since she woke up. I am not good at confrontations. I don’t know what to say, and I cry easily, and I just don’t do well when I’m angry.
I told her to stop, and she said “What will you do if I don’t?” I told her that I’d push her down the stairs, because we were standing at the top of them. She said “Do it!”
So I pushed her. I was tired of being pushed around, and she challenged me, and I was very much ready to do worse than that to her.
She slid down the stairs on her butt and was basically unharmed. I never even got in trouble.
AITA for pushing her even though she told me to?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
WRONG
|
nu7RNYOY2zCHsn4bF9V4vNMaujWXifoM
|
b5o1yc
|
{
"description": "not eating something because \"I feel fat\"",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not eating something because "i feel fat"
|
This happend to a friend of mine yesterday, he doesnt have reddit so i thougth i can manage it for him
Yesterday he (Tom) met his GF and a friend of her (lets call her Bettie) in a local Burger King. Everything startet off pretty chill they talked a bit and everything was fine. Bettie weighs about 110kg ( 242 lbs) and is about 170 cm (5' 7). Bettie ate a muffind and the GF ate something else and they asked Tom if he wants to eat something too. He said the doesnt feel like eating now because he feels fat (he isnt overweight). After he said that, Betties mood changed a lot and she was pretty offended and after she was offended his GF was also not so happy. They didnt talk that much afterwards and half an hour later everybody went home.
Tom went home with his GF and they had a fight about what he said and she thinks he is an Asshole, he and i think he is not.
​
So please help us out, if he is the asshole or not.
I dont want to shame people with physical or psychological troubles or anything like that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
54gYS3i9jXqFBq5f15DjMrTV0KNGwnkh
|
a6dthc
|
{
"description": "splitting up extended family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For splitting up extended family?
|
The title is misleading, but technically true.
My mother and her sister often have... rivalry. My Aunt is usually really jealous of my mother since she always seem to do the pettiest of things just to piss my family off, but I think this time I went a little overboard with revenge. Keep in mind, my mother is 45 and my aunt is 36, yet they still argue like little girls.
On my 16th birthday, my family threw me a surprise party with my extended family from my mother's side. All was well, the cake was amazing, and everyone was really calm and not arguing (Which is surprising, my mother's side is... problematic). One of my cousins, he was 14 at the time and is also my aunts son, was talking about how he was having a hard time with his grades, and my mom chipped in and said that I could perfectly help him study if needed since I'm top in class, and I also complied gladly. He was really excited and told my aunt, but my aunt took this a little... harshly. And said, out-loud, to the whole family:
*"My son doesn't need help from anyone with his grades. Especially not from this f\*\*\*ot."*
Yep. She went there. My mother was about to burst, but I calmed her down, trying to not worsen the situation (Note: I'm actually Bi but I'm not out to anyone, but I've always had snide remarks from my aunt in particular.). She then proceeds to give a whole **speech** about how no-one in this family seems to care about her accomplishments and such, storms out, ruins the party and leaves everyone speechless.
Fast-forward a few months, my overseas uncle decides to pay us all a vacation trip to a nearby beach. Like, cool! That was an incredible gift from him and we're all planning on sending him tons of thank you gifts this Christmas. We decided to pay for a trip-bus so we can all travel together, and the first person to greets us is our aunt. Well, no, she just ignored our presence while we hopped on. We arrived at the hotel, and my aunt suddenly starts to favor my female cousin (who is not her daughter, mind you, she's the daughter of my great aunt) over my older sister (both aged 24) buying her drinks and earrings and such. My sister didn't give a fuck, until this happened.
Aunt: (To cousin) Did you like the necklace I got you sweetie?
Cousin: Yeah! It looks great with my dress.
Aunt: True. (Raising tone of voice) *At least you're not a tub of lard like other girls I know.*
Cousin: Aunt Silvia! That's rude! (She evidently knew who she was trying to offend)
Aunt: \*laughs\*
My sister came in crying. I was furious. She can talk shit about me all the fuck she wants but **no one talks shit about my siblings.** My mom was this close storming her room, but I managed to keep all of us calm and rational. I didn't want to give my aunt the satisfaction of us loosing it, but I swore I was gonna get back at her.
Other minor comments she made during the trip:
"He may be a swimmer, but doesn't seem like he's gonna get girls unless he plays a mans sport." (Referencing me.)
"That kid seems a little dumber than the rest." (Referencing my little brother, infuriating me even more, mind you.)
"I wonder if that idiot finally left that other idiot." (Referencing my parents. They had marital problems at the time.)
How did I get these comments? My cousins (including her own son I talked about previously) let me know what she was saying, since they thought it was rude. I thank them greatly and proceed to keep quiet. But I still wanted revenge, *I honestly just wanted to get back at her, hard.*
And then I hit a gold mine. Guess who's husband I overheard on the phone with his lover? Yep, my aunts (third) husband. This was it, I finally got something on her. And I knew he was cheating because I knew my aunt didn't have a phone at the time and he called the woman on his phone Emily. And it was an incredibly *steamy* conversation. Finally, I could get back at her...
This is where I come in, again. I commented back home, at the end of the trip, about my findings on the cheating husband. My sister and mother seemed to be surprised and disappointed I didn't spill it sooner with them, but I told them it was best to leave it for a good moment.
This backfired immediately. My mother talked to my godmother and said that I had heard the conversation too (Apparently my godmother also overheard the conversation). Word spread between the family and they started to say my mother staged everything. Godmother obviously sided with us, but everyone else even started harassing my mother. I had enough. This was ridiculous. They seriously believed that woman and not my mother, who's proved to be honest about so many other past things?
I texted the whole family and exposed my aunt. I deleted the mass text later, but I seriously outed my aunt and her husband, said how he was cheating on her with this "Emily" (who was apparently a coworker), called her out for the bullshit she said and snapped back with comments about her appearance and the disasters she has for sons, said other random half-assed shit that was just out of anger, offended her, and left her with a warning to not mess with us again or I'll get even more dirt on her. I honestly exploded in anger.
The group chat was silent for a few hours. Got a notification later that the whole family had deleted the chat. Out of 25 extended family members, 20 sided with us. The other five just stopped speaking to us entirely (Aunts family and my grandmother.).
I constantly get texts from those five people threatening me and accusing me of lying, to which I respond to screenshots of other shit my aunts done that my cousins tell me about. Now, the family members who sided with us are saying I may have taken it too far, and the day I sent that text my aunt cried for a while (Uncle who was with her said so.) and now they want me to say sorry for the holidays. Of course, she won't apologize for shit.
Fuck no I'm saying sorry. That idiot got what she deserved. But truly, am I being the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
4CyRP5WDkLlPbMQh1H6l4oyTFDa7KcbZ
|
avvzgw
|
{
"description": "flaking out on a film club meeting",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For flaking out on a film club meeting?
|
Some backstory: I joined a film club at the beginning of this school year, and it is every Thursday from end of school for about an hour and a half. In it I learn photoshop, premiere, and eventually direct my own film, which is cool because someday I want to work in the film industry.
Anyways, around late December groups were formed for films, and scripts were beginning to get written. I had been to most of the meetings, but around exam time I stopped going for obvious reasons. For about three weeks now, I haven't gone due to circumstances out of my control. I have barely done anything for he group because we haven't met in weeks. Now this is where the real story starts.
Side note: I take the bus home, and it takes me roughly an hour to two hours to commute home.
All of my absences were excused by the teacher running the club, and this week the teacher told me there was no film club. Okay. Then on Thursday, my friend who is also in film club comes up to me and asks me if I brought any spare clothes for filming. I was confused until he told me the leader of the group emailed me and told me to bring spare clothes today. Now, this is verbatim the email I received on Tuesday.
"Try to bring some other clothes with you on thursday so that we won't be shooting in our uniform"
That is it. No subject line, only an email address, and I barely knew this kid's name. So then I had a choice to either go home since I didn't bring clothes, or go to the meeting anyway.
I chose to go home instead. Maybe this is a bad move, but I think it was okay. I really don't know. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
kC8OND0FMw8gIj465Bry4DRbwzqz3H1Y
|
avn9bf
|
{
"description": "laughing at the canes drive thru person every time I go",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For laughing at the canes drive thru person every time i go?
|
So i go to canes a ton. I recently heard that their employees are told to start your order by sayin “Hey Hey Hey want some chicken today?” So when i go to the drive thru and they say that i cant help but to laugh crazy. Idk its just so funny. Ive laughed about 5 times now and every time i laugh the person sighs or they go quiet for a long amount of time. AITA for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
orCSIt2JD9tyWlMFAGDwuElfo7Mvs45m
|
amtpkv
|
{
"description": "destroying multiple friendships that had lasted for 10 years",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for destroying multiple friendships that had lasted for 10 years?
|
This had happened quite a few years ago, but it still haunts me to this day. I've tried many things to move on, but I still experience trauma from the past and it's affecting my ability to be a functioning member of society. When I found this subreddit, I knew that I wanted to post what had occurred to hopefully reach some closure. This story is a little long and convoluted, so I'll try my best to explain the details, and I apologize in advance for the behemoth-sized post.
For starters, I'm female, about 20 years old, and I've known most of these people since I was about 9 years old. I was a very shy girl and didn't have much friends because I kept transferring schools due to the nature of my mother's work, so when we officially settled in a city as permanent residents, I was ecstatic. For the first time, I was able to build a solid foundation of relationships with people. My friend group had consisted of seven girls: Sandra, Lee, Leah, Lily, Mary, Jace, and myself included.
Fast-forward to the beginning of high school. We all had naturally became distant after joining different clubs and sports, but we still ate together during lunch and shared new things that was happening in our lives. I joined the dance department when I entered high school. Originally, I was supposed to join the tennis team with Lee (the closest friend I had in the group), but I was out of the country during tryouts, so I had settled with my second choice.
I had zero interest in dance, and truly believed that I had no rhythmic capability. However, I soon realized that I was naturally good at ballet, even with the lack of experience. I felt more confident in myself, and as I preformed in more shows and received praise, dance became a passion of mine. There was some favoritism in the dance company, but it didn't really bother me... at the time.
Dance eventually became an unhealthy obsession. I would practice before school, during lunch, and right after my classes had ended. I would abandon my time with my friends in order to reach perfection in my technique. My diet was poor, and combined with a lacking sleep schedule I was always restless. I was sometimes of dick. My eating disorder and sleep deprivation affected how I acted. I was abusing my relationships as well as myself, but unfortunately I never realized it until it was too late.
By my third year, I had a very strong disposition and sense of self, completely different from the shy girl I once was. I had a boyfriend, good grades, the president of two clubs, and was looked up to by other dancers. Lily, Mary and Jace joined dance around this time, so we all had bonded a little more. Sandra, Lee, and Leah all enjoyed supporting us on stage. However, things got rocky from here.
I had developed a big head for all these merits. I started secretly looking down on others, and it made me feel good. I know that was wrong of me, and it's something that I have accepted. I'm not going to deny that. But the problem is, there was a standard personality people had developed in the dance department. Girls who entered eventually implemented toxicity into their character. The dance company consisted of mostly female dancers, and everyone was quick to abandon their closest friend in order to reach the A-list and have a chance to join the top competitive team we had. It was common to see two girls treat each other like the best of friends, but to then immediately call each other a bitch when they're not looking. I guess I'm fortunate enough that I only grew to be narcissistic rather than becoming a full-fledged narcissistic back-stabbing snake. I still valued my friends very deeply, but seeing how everything unfolded I guess they had a different opinion on that (I'll explain later on).
In dance, you'd expect that hard work and dedication would get you to the top, but no. You could work as hard as you can but still not make the cut. While some did get the position solely based on skill, it mostly depended on two factors: favoritism and body image. My instructor was an amazing dancer with a creative mind, but had a wretched heart, and objectively, kind of stupid. As long as you had her favoritism, it didn't matter how much seniority you had or if you never performed on stage. She will put you into the team without any objections as long as she likes you. And as for body image, the team will make sure you don't qualify for tryouts just because you're not the "shape" that they want. I've seen a lot of amazing, talented dancers who were a bit on the heavier side get rejected, and inexperienced teacher's pets get in like it was a walk in the park. (I know that too much variety in body shape can ruin the formation of a dance if you're not too careful, but girls with a good physique and a lack of skill doesn't make it better. I'd rather have a well-seasoned performer who is a bit on the heavier side).
Fortunately, I had a good standing with the team and my instructor. I also had the "look" that they wanted, so I considered myself lucky. But as I witnessed more and more discrimination among these girls, it made me mad. I'm short-tempered, and I'm quick to point out what I don't like. So, like all petty high school girls do, I carelessly talked shit to my friends, about the ethics of the dance company, and about the top team, all while being fully aware that this could risk my position on the A-list. But at the time I didn't care. The system was too unfair for me to ignore and pretend that everything is okay just because I got the better end of the stick.
This was the start of it all. Lily, Mary, and Jace told one person, and then the next, and then the next, until everyone in the department knew, all the while twisting and changing the truth as it reaches on ear to another, Eventually everyone in the department labeled me as someone who was scum, someone that trash talks everyone, and someone that is not fit to be a role model nor a good candidate for the team.
At first, it was kind of laughable, unimaginable even. I became the scapegoat for everyone in this snake den. I became the common enemy that everyone can hate and bond over, all knowing too well that so much rubbish had left their own mouths slandering each other. I tried to confront my so-called friends, but they never gave me a straight answer, and some had a strong conviction that I was an overall terrible person. They were convinced that I didn't care about them at all.
And just like that, I was kicked out of the dance department. There were also some other nasty rumors circulating about me being a slut and my relationship issues with my boyfriend at the time, but that didn't really matter. Damage was already done, and you can't break something that was already broken.
I tried to find solace in Sandra, Leah, and especially Lee (since she was my closest friend), but the answers were all the same: *Well, at least you've learned your lesson*. It was then clear to me that no matter who I go to, even if they were my dearest friends, no one would believe me.
Long story short, during my last year of high school I abandoned them. I stopped talking to them. I broke up with my boyfriend (since he believed all that trash about me), and I tried to move on. But I ended my relationships very abruptly with no explanation. I felt like there was no need to talk to them about it if they aren't open to my opinion in the first place. Obviously they weren't happy that I did that, and expected some sort of appreciation for their "generosity" by staying as my friend (and boyfriend). They made sure I knew that I should regret my decision every single moment of the day until I graduated by letting the entire school know of my *true colors*.
Looking back at it, I think if they had just talked to me directly about the problems they about my character, all of this could have been avoided. But this entire situation that happened when I was a teenager still gives me a high deal of stress, and there are times I'd wake up in the middle of the night and have a panic-attack. It pains me that something that happened 3-4 years ago is still affecting me to this day. Kind of comical, if you look at it in a cynical way. Now that I'm older, I can't help but to think that I did something wrong. Maybe, all along, *I* was at fault for everything. I know that I also had my fair share of wrongdoings, but nobody seemed interested to see my side of things. I had always thought that no one wanted to listen to me due to everyone having that mob mentality, but maybe they didn't want to hear me out because I was completely wrong in this scenario.
So, AITA for abandoning these relationships with these people?
TL;DR - I had been lifelong friends with a group of people. As we got older, we all became different people. I was acting a bit of a dick but I was never aware of my actions until fabricated rumors spread about me from my own friends. Those friends left me, and the others didn't want to believe me. So I abandoned my friendships with those who didn't want to believe me and they did not take kindly to it. So AITA for abandoning multiple friendships that had lasted for over 10 years in this seemingly one-sided dilemma?
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HISTORICAL
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NQyEIJmXZDiz8bNPQ8hmnFV84JzV3fnp
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ar5p8t
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{
"description": "being upset with my best friend for choosing a genre of movie that I struggle with at her surprise birthday party that I threw for her",
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|
AITA For being upset with my best friend for choosing a genre of movie that I struggle with at her surprise birthday party that I threw for her?
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I am writing this for my girlfriend who is the person asking this AMIA question. Last night her best friend came home to a surprise birthday party with 8 of her high school friends including me that involved dinner, presents, and a cake made by my girlfriend. My girlfriend had been planning this party for the past two weeks making sure everyone could come. Everything was fine and dandy with pictures, conversation, and drinks for the first half.
My girlfriend had asked what her friend wanted to do with the rest of the evening, and she said that we should watch some movies. She also said she hadn't seen the new Spiderman movie and would like to watch it. Everyone was cool with it and we moved to the living room. One of our other friends suggested a horror movie that he watched a while ago while we were debating movies and my girlfriend's best friend was totally into this, and started to play it with the lights out.
My girlfriend has struggled with lasting nightmares and psychological troubles with horror movies, and left the room because she didn't want to sit through it. I would check on her periodically and she would be cleaning up the party supplies or laying down in a different room. I asked her afterwards why she didnt say anything to her friend about a different movie selection and she didn't want to control her best friends party and that it should be up to her.
She does feel upset though that her friend didn't consider her in the movie selection since it was the only movie watched by the group, and she was the only one who wasn't able to watch. The party ended immediately after the movie so my girlfriend came back, said goodbye to everyone, and then cleaned up the glassware before going to bed.
So, is my girlfriend the asshole for feeling like her friend should have considered her in the movie choice since she also planned the party itself?
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HISTORICAL
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uN4tmLuUm4pNa6wpn18JavSQbeukplcn
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b4whvg
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{
"description": "snitching on an ex-bully friend of mine whose dad is a cop",
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|
WIBTA If I snitch on an ex-bully friend of mine whose dad is a cop?
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I haven't done it yet, notice the WIB in WIBTA.
I am 21 M (not sure if it is relevant), and the friend in question is 21 F. Well, I call her a friend because everyone in our circle pretends so, but I have so so many grudges with her for bullying me plenty as I was growing up. Her dad used to bully me as well. Now obviously, I didn't know it was bullying back then as anti-bullying campaigns hadn't taken off. But i realized it in retrospect.
Now, fast forward to yesterday, a friend of mine who used to date her got dumped by her and in a drunk outrage showed us some pics and videos on his phone of her injecting and inhaling illegal stuff and flexing on her stash of them as well. In a couple of them, she also yelled out some anti-semitic Nazi sympathizing and racist stuff against blacks and muslim immigrants (wasn't a surprise for those who knew her personally). There are videos of her doing the preceding things naked as well. And when we were drunk, I asked him nonchalantly if he could share them with me and now I have them as well.
I am contemplating whether to send it to her dad and to the head of police department in my area. She, thanks to her dad's influence, got into a prestigious German Uni and I am contemplating sending it to them as well. In short, I now hold the key to her demise.
I don't think I'd be an asshole at all, because apart from my personal grudges, for which I was never able to take revenge (thanks to our mom becoming friends), what she did was illegal. And her dad deserves to get punished for it as well because his reason for bullying other kids, including me (and he still does it) was that they were not well behaved. How dare one does that if they were never able to teach their own kids how to behave?
But my moral compass isn't flawless. Yesterday, my girlfriend asked me to ask myself a rhetorical question, since the reasons I was giving her was being a responsible guy who wanted to keep the streets clean. The question being would I have done the same if it was somebody else, perhaps a stranger? The answer is a shameful "no". So, I think I have a problem.
Thus, I would be glad if you could pass a two-fold judgement.
WIBTA for going ahead with this?
AITA for not even contemplating doing this if it were somebody else?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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WRONG
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BsbOXJnkJglg4hgSAHooqHJyxKausFH7
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ay8imv
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{
"description": "not agreeing with my wife (teacher) that xmas break, March break and summer do not count for added credit to the social outing fund",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
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|
AITA for not agreeing with my wife (teacher) that xmas break, March break and summer do not count for added credit to the social outing fund?
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My wife and I are parents too 2 young boys. We don't have many common friends. We have implemented the social outing credit system so that if she or I wants to do social outings on our own as a mini getaway to family life and responsibilities, we can be positive with eachother to these fun events and not feel guilty. The credit system kind of allows us to make sure one of us isn't taking advantage of the social opportunities and it doesn't stray too far my way or her way. We don't actually keep close track but we are keeping track.
So now it's March and she has like almost every weekend booked with friends for weeks and weeks ahead and I kinda think it's a little much especially right now with our kids still so young (4 & 7). She wants to increase her social credit by saying that her having to watch the kids during March break, summer and Xmas break is added parenting compared to me. Although I can agree to that, she is not working and I am. I'm not a teacher and don't have this amount of time off luxury so I said let's put our kids in camps during that time if you don't view that time as special time with your kids. She disagreed as she does want to spend that time with them and generally we increase our budget for fun stuff for them to do during those breaks. So am AITA for not increasing her social time more than mine?
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HISTORICAL
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a231jh
| null |
AITA for upvoting?
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This post is more like a rant. I love this sub and it appears to be growing really fast. There are some good stories being shared. Heck, maybe I'm looking to deep into this.
Yeah, we get a lot of shitposting going on like any other sub. We get a lot of stories that people are seeking true validation. But, we also get some real questions that I don't think get played out and receive their due.
Upvote quality posts. Get more discussion going. Really debate the merits of the case.
Don't just comment real quick without upvoting,trying to get your flair. Disagree with another person's post? Give them counter points!
Let's give quality posts their due.
That's all. And I'll just give myself this verdict.
ITA.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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qj0FVpAKIl6p7C6vNwuESRF4DIFxm6AY
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ajapxm
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{
"description": "not letting my parents know I'm transgendered",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting my parents know I'm transgendered?
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This is my own problem. There are no other parties involved, other than me. I'm having a very hard time deciding whether or not I should come out to my parents. They'd be entirely against it. I can fend for myself, and don't require any help from them, but they just couldn't understand this and would blame it on themselves. I don't want to see them hurt by this. They're growing older and with every passing day I worry about hospice. I love them to death but I don't know if I can put this kind of pressure on them. They'd only blame themselves, and I don't want that.
I've had friends tell me that I need to come out to them, and they've told me that withholding this information can only damage our relationship. I disagree. I'd rather see them not deal with this.
This is a hard one, and I don't quite know what to do. I love my parents but I don't want to put them through this. I'd rather let them pass without this on their mind.
I seriously do not know. Should I let them know? Am I in some way being an asshole by not yielding this information to them? I understand that my life is my own, but I still owe some regard of respect to my parents. They were great parents and I appreciate them for that. I just don't know.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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31YnqfHM78GBfEZLnR8z0BlGWamKRAuV
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ay50sx
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{
"description": "not liking a person a work that literally sits at the desk all day with his feet up and plays with his phone and gets away with it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for not liking a person a work that literally sits at the desk all day with his feet up and plays with his phone and gets away with it
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We hired a new guy at work a few months back and since he got here all he does is sit at the desk with his feet up and plays with his phone.I thought after a while my boss would put a stop to this but nope. The longer this goes on the more I can’t stand person I work in a production plant and this should be unacceptable what do I do,HELP
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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Wa3uvN7SMOCXIiAi2p3XgZPIhG0JYgtW
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aewvdo
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{
"description": "breaking up with my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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|
AITA for Breaking Up with My Best Friend?
|
I (F22) dated my ex-boyfriend (M22) for about 2 years, and it was an intense relationship. We had a lot of chemistry, and I loved him. He has bipolar disorder which he unfortunately refuses to treat because he enjoys the manic episodes so much. These periods make him feel more creative and wonderfully happy. But the depression that always followed is horrible.
To pursue my degree, I had to move about 3 hours away, during a particularly dark period in my ex’s life. But he was living in a house with our friend group, including my BFF (F21), so he was getting support. My BFF and I were really close – we knew each other’s secrets, traveled together, and loved each other’s families – and she was a big support for me when my ex was struggling.
The ex’s depression got to a point that he was suicidal, and he quit working and going to school. I basically gave him an ultimatum; go with me to see a doctor and get back on meds or I was gone for good, because we were both so incredibly unhappy. That decision tore me apart, but I couldn’t watch him suffer any longer. I just couldn’t handle it, with the long distance, and I was at the end of my rope. He refused help, we broke up, and I didn’t hear from him again.
But my BFF told me that she was supporting him, they lived together after all, and he was doing okay. She understood why we broke up. It was just an unhealthy situation all around.
A few months go by, I continue my studies, and BFF and I plan to attend a concert near her home. My ex will be gone for the weekend, so I can stay at our friend group’s house and see our fav musician. We had a great day, the concert was awesome, and we hung out at the house afterward. At the end of the night, everyone else was in bed, she told me that she was romantically involved with my ex. They had fallen in love, and “the heart wants, what it wants.” And she felt better now that I knew.
I was shocked. She understood all of the pain and frustration I felt being with my ex, and she knew that I still loved him. I blew up. I felt betrayed. And I told her as much. We cried a lot, but she didn’t seem to understand why I was upset because I was no longer dating him. She offered to sleep in my ex’s bedroom that night and I could take her room, so I wouldn’t drive home at 2 a.m. I refused. She tried to hide my car keys. I demanded them back and left. I drove the 3 hours back home, crying the whole way, not sure where my relationship with BFF stood.
I texted her early the next morning to let her know I was home, as promised. And I told her I needed time. I was hurt and this was a fucked up situation. I spent the next few weeks focusing on my coursework and hanging with my school friends, who are lovely.
I decided to break up with my BFF. I love her but I can’t trust her, and I can’t be there for her when my ex’s depression comes around again. It would open too many old wounds. So when she emailed me to check in about a month later, I told her that I was fine, hoped she was okay as well, and that I was no longer interested in a friendship with her. She didn’t respond.
I feel like I made the right decision – I’m just trying to protect myself. But it tore up our friend group. Some sided with her and him, and others with me. AITA for breaking up with my BFF?
TL;DR: BFF started dating my ex, knowing all of the problems we had, and expected me to supportive of their relationship.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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az6vgt
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{
"description": "not making concrete spring break plans with my girlfriend",
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|
AITA for not making concrete spring break plans with my girlfriend?
|
Hey. I'm 21f and she's 21f. We're both in college and I work two jobs because I'm paying my way. I've told her many times that I need to coordinate things in advance before we make plans (that means at least a week beforehand). Additionally, my gf and I took a break after 1.5 years last fall and got back together in January. Because of this, I was hesitant to make plans with her because I didn't really even know if we were going to be together for spring break. I was taking things slow.
Two weeks ago, I needed to put in my availability for one of my jobs. I asked her if she wanted to do something, and when I mentioned taking a two day trip to a nearby city, she didn't really want to spend the money for a hotel. I already had most of the week scheduled (working M/W at one job, coordinating the schedule for the other). I assumed we were discussing the weekend and thought I mentioned the weekend to her, but recently, I've learned she had no clue we were talking about the weekend. We ultimately decided to take a day trip to the town because anything else was too expensive.
Last night, I mentioned that my grandparents were visiting on Thursday and Friday, something we've both known about for a while. I even asked her to take a tour of something with us on that Friday. Now, for my gf and I's plans, I took off the second Saturday of spring break, aka the day after the gparents leave. When I mentioned their visit, she got very upset and asked, "Are we even going to do anything for spring break?!"
This led to her getting incredibly mad at me for being busy, despite me asking her many times if she wanted to do something. She claimed that she assumed I would be sad if I didn't do anything with her, so that assumption made her cancel potential plans with someone else.
I just - I feel incredibly guilty and like I ruined her spring break, but I also can't help but feel like I did as much as I could in this situation?
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HISTORICAL
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DAGpiQV01XkkBHKuZU9SDIpqCmCszHMQ
|
a0cpdw
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{
"description": "telling my sister to stop waving at me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my sister to stop waving at me?
|
Everytime she sees me, she waves at me.i normally don't have a problem with this, but this weekend I was having a bad mood about something that happened during school, but she still kept doing it everytime. Eventually after doing it several times in a row in an hour, I just asked can she please stop it. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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WGrhJZ8v2I2UYh5HO2QevU6JY6kBv90g
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b3659i
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{
"description": "refusing to stop talking in my room when my sister is studying",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for refusing to stop talking in my room when my sister is studying?
|
My sister has been furious with me recently about me voicechatting online with other people while she's studying. The walls between our rooms aren't well isolated so she claims she can hear every single word I say. She also says having PDD-NOS (a form of autism) on top of it makes it very hard for her to focus. I can't say much about the volume of my speech since I don't think it's loud, but she says it is. However, I'm willing to lower my voice when she's studying but that won't do.
I agree that her education is more important than my entertainment, but I also think I can do things like this in my room in my free time. She refuses to get noise-cancelling headphones or earbuds (something that helps me preventing outside distractions with my ADD) and I don't have the impression she will change her mind anytime soon. What she does want is forbidding me to talk whenever she's studying every day. She does this in the middle of the day/evening which is also when I talk and she'll want me to be silent for four hours.
I do have to mention that my calls are usually pretty lengthy. This is why it's inconvenient to interrupt a call only to continue it four hours later, or wait four hours with starting a call. Doing something else than talking in this time obviously is the best option and it's what she wants me to do, but this voicechatting is my only way of communication with my best friend. I can tell a whole story about it and I won't, but I don't find it reasonable to stop this daily habit for her while she refuses to do anything about it herself.
So my sister isn't the asshole here, but am I? Is it rude to talk when someone else is studying in another room?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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ENL4cQj1h7bxIZhgeNR1d7ozSIMZcGdi
|
amx2v7
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{
"description": "having a different political opinion",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for having a different political opinion?
|
My fiance asked me about my opinions on the new abortion law saying how, even though she is pro choice, having the option to abort a child basically just before its born is not right.
I told her there is nothing wrong with the law. Although such late term abortion may not be right, that is not my burden to bear. I think it's a fucked up decision as you should know your choice long before then, but that's the mothers problem, not mine.
Then she asked me, if it were my decision to have an autistic child or a late term abortion what would I choose? I, mind you, I was rather drunk, said something along the lines of "well if human breed to natural selection the weaker child wouldnt last, so, if it were *my* decision I would say FUCK that kids life I can breed another one that ISNT retarded"
Then she asked me, what if it was *our* child, I said well then i would go along with your decision, if you wanted the autistic child I would give my 100% to raise it and give it the best life I could, having an autistic child is not the end of the world, but you just asked me, basically, if I had the choice of an autistic child or a normal one which would I choose.
Well, fiance stopped talking to me for the night
Am I the asshole for being so explicit about my political views?
Or is she being rediculous by assuming I wouldnt be my own person about how I feel and then being offended by it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
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