id
stringlengths 32
32
| post_id
stringlengths 6
6
| action
dict | title
stringlengths 4
300
| text
stringlengths 0
10.8k
| post_type
stringclasses 2
values | label_scores
dict | label
stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores
dict | binarized_label
stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
75Oqa6eqEsJABaf8JrN41uG6gQhkvFar
|
b0rm6h
|
{
"description": "telling my estranged brother he has to go to a psychiatrist if he wants to be back in my life",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my estranged brother he has to go to a psychiatrist if he wants to be back in my life?
|
So a bit lf background, our mother killed herself when I was younger. My brother has always had mental problems, lashing out, temper tantrums, major alcohol issues icluding 3 duos, he's talked about not even feeling like living anymore. He woumd steal my rax return checks from the mail. Attack me when confronted, steal my money from my room. Scream at me and my friends and gfs to the point I NEVER brought anybody over my house ever again. I finally had had enough and moved as far away as I could! Fast forward 10 years to the current day. He wants to be part of my life again, he wants to move close to me which terrifies me. He still talks about not wanting to live past 40, he sounds super depressed and no-polar and I flat out want nothing to do with him unless he gets help. I proposed an ultimatum either get help or stay the fuck outta my life. Anita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
lC1o2m0z9qVVV6MlraHL2w09yl5CLS11
|
ad6my5
|
{
"description": "making my ex who cheated on me cheat on her current bf",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA if I make my ex who cheated on me cheat on her current bf?
|
Back in high school I was dating this girl. To keep it short, I was totally head over heels for her, I spent all my money on her and was just in love!
She cheated on me with my best friend at the time. Obviously we got back together and she played me again... and again... and again...
I kept hoping she would change since she kept coming back to me... in total she cheated on me maybe 4 or 5 different times before we officially called it off...
Last week we met up at a mutual friends party, afterwards we went out for dinner (with a few mutual friends).
We honestly had a blast, it made me think of all the good times we had together...
After the party she asked me to hang out again soon, I didn’t notice, but she did this as she pulled me to the side.
We went to the dog park to take our pups, and she was getting very handsy with me, she kept hugging me and nagging at me.
She later told me she missed me a lot, and wanted to keep seeing me, I played a fool and went along with it as if we were just friends...
Should I keep it going?
Make her cheat and then dump her, like she dumped me?
Am I really an ass if I do it?
TL;DR
My ex who cheated on me 4-5 times wants to “hang out” constantly after saying she misses me “a lot”. Should I make her cheat on her current bf?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
fbChGTF2QMTdYyuEz4qQzzDRc8INHezk
|
b65e7c
|
{
"description": "ghosting myself from a friend I know for years",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ghosting myself from a friend I know for years?
|
I know "L" for about 10 years now, maybe even more. She always had low self-stem issues, abandoned school and got a shitty job and she still lives with her mother while being 38. I tried being supportive during out entire friendship, I even got her a job as a maid working for my family when she was unemployed. Well, it all changed last year.
You see, she was getting quite desperate in the relationship department. She is quite obese and never got a boyfriend in her life, she decided to join one of those programs that let you exchange letters with prisoners and she fell in love with a guy currently serving 20 years in super-max for killing a dude (allegedly in self-defense). At first I didn't mind much, after all we all deserve a second chance but a few months after they started "dating" things got really strange really fast.
First, they got married inside prison after only 3 months on this "long-distance relationship", them he made her get a tattoo of her name on her arm, a few weeks after that he made her end all her social-media accounts (Facebook and whatssapp) . Slowly he prohibited her from having male friends (I was the exception since I knew her for years and I got her the job she currently has) and recently I had the final straw.
Somehow her boyfriend got quite rich inside bars, or is there something she is not telling me. He transferred money from his account to her letting she get a new iPhone 10 or X or whatever its called nowadays and said that she was only allowed to use her cellphone to call him and not anyone else (even her mother), hell she had to buy a "secret" second cellphone to be able to call her mother and sisters. One day, my mother (which L works for) tried calling L 50 times, my mother and I didnt knew about this secret phone, in our minds whenever we called L she would answer with her phone. I went to my mothers house to check on L (she was alone inside and thus my mother was trying to call her), L told me about the two cellphones and how she forgot her "secret" phone at home and only brought the iPhone and them she refused to call my mother (her boss) on the iPhone saying "I dont even call my own mother with this cellphone and I aint calling yours".
This for me was the last straw, I never tried to intervene because Im too afraid that the prisioner would be able to break my legs or some shit like that but I sure did made mean comments about the situation to her over the months (to no avail aparently). I left my moms house frustated without saying a word, told everything to my mother and she fired her as soon as she returned home. I blocked L´s "secret" phone number and we are cutting all ties with L´s family, we want nothing to do with her or her "husband".
I told this story to my friends and they told me I was being selfish or YTA for not trying to help a friend that I know for over a decade get out of this abusive and dangerous relationship.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
iyDz7xBzwEJXZRDBGSU5RrRrZO02sFpB
|
ahvjke
|
{
"description": "taking a free fridge, and returning it when asked by the police",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For taking a free fridge, and returning it when asked by the police?
|
So today I took in a fridge that was left in dorm commons for over 8 hours. It was empty, totally warm, and had nothing on it to indicate ownership. Usually people leave things out to give them away for free, usually clothes, canned food, and college textbooks. Sometimes furniture (large objects are removed after 24h if left in public.) In orientation we're warned to lock our rooms, and never leave things out, because there's no enforcement for lost goods, so you should keep them in your dorm. Every semester there's tons of theft at the beginning of the semester, there are also no cameras at all in the dorms except for the exit and entrance. So imagine my surprise when at 10:00 pm housing and police are going door to door searching for the refrigerator I'd taken.
At 12:30pmish when I got back from lunch it was in that lobby. At 8:30pm I put it in my room. Just before ten people are going door to door knocking, no one in my hall answered the door except me, so I didn't know what it was about til they mentioned a fridge. I explained it was left out, apologize for the confusion and carry it back to the other guy, and even apologize to him in person. He nods, and says not to worry about it at all. I told my RA if I saw anything left out that might be valuable I'd ask him to take custody of it, and if he is able to find out if it was intended to be given away, then I could claim it. Everyone is happy that the situation is resolved so easily, I feel bad as I know how it can feel to feel like a victim of a crime. Housing RA had told me that the guy said he was rearranging his room, and needed to clear the space up, and that it'd sounded wierd to him too. Director of housing then gives me information about renting a fridge through the campus, cool!
About 10 minutes later, the police knock on my door again. They then ask me privately if I'm sure it was out that long, as the other student had claimed he put it out at 6pm sharp, and that it was gone when he checked soon after. They stress that it doesn't matter anymore, because I'd returned the item and the other student had left happily, but that it was bothering them. I repeat my version of events and the officer leaves thanking me for my cooperation.
First of all, why'd you wait 3 and a half hours to report it if it disappeared at 6 pm. Secondly, Why are the housing reps, and police relaying different stories to me, last it feels like he wanted the police to feel that was a malicious theft, based on the short time window. He then told the police he it was "for his buddy" and indicated he'd immediately leave the campus with it in his vehicle. I told the police that it at least makes sense he left it out because he was giving it away, it was on a trolley in a public walkway right by the elevators for hours. He had just planned to give it away to someone specific, and left it ready for several hours apparently.
I On the bright side, the guy was very happy after he got his refrigerator back and dropped the issue entirely, so there won't be any official repercussions. How would you react in this situation if you were either party?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
PeEkBEmKDbNSIsdftSvulJBru9LqxexD
|
9ydat1
|
{
"description": "telling my friend that her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend a month ago and she never found out",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I told my friend that her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend a month ago and she never found out?
|
Juniors in high school by the way. If I told her, it would break trust with my other best friend (call her Avery) Avery who was the one that told me about what happened. It would probably also make a big mess.
Basically my friend (we will call her kate) Kate got cheated on when her best friend (call her Amy) Amy made out with the guy several times and gave him a handy. This lasted for a couple weeks and somehow Kate never found it.
Fast forward a month later to now and I feel bad for not telling Kate about it but it would totally break trust with my friend Avery who was the one that told me all this. It would be a huge mess with the friend group because everyone involved is friends with each other. But I hate this guy for doing this to Kate and I think she deserves better than him.
They have been dating 3 months now and her worst fear is him cheating on her. She has no clue it's already come true. She insisted to me that if something happened she would want to know even though it would make her sad that the guy cheated on her, and sad that it was with her bff Amy. She might even be mad at me for not telling her earlier. Is it best to just not say anything? Or would I be the asshole if I kept quiet any longer?
I'm ^this close to telling her about what he did. But WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
6jr3uGcxK7d8Viv4dgOiCZLzpMCqM3cK
|
aqsgha
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my brother for saying things that I wouldn't say",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
aita for getting angry at my brother for saying things that i wouldn't say?
|
the title is probably confusing, but bear with me as i try to explain. i'm also on mobile because my computer is shit, so don't judge me too harshly if this turns out bad when i post it. i don't make text posts like this too often.
so, anyway, in my family, i'm the youngest sibling with two brothers. this story focuses on the middle brother, who i'll call thomas.
my parents have had a divorce as long as i can remember, and we have a timeshare: until my brothers and i are all legally adults, we stay with my dad and stepmom every other weekend. unrelated, i hate both my dad and stepmom, people who've seen one of my older posts will get a hint as to the extent of my hatred for my stepmom especially-
putting that aside! so, they live in a different state which is about a two hour drive away. how fun.
during that drive, my dad and stepmom completely ignore the fact that 1. i'm an introvert 2. i hate both of them and 3. i'm actively trying to listen to music. they try to start a conversation with my brothers and i.
now, keep this in mind. i'm aware that the story from here on out may sound a bit childish. and also keep in mind that i actually enjoyed the steamed broccoli my grandma would make quite a bit. stick with me, you might be confused, but it'll become clear in a second.
so thomas, being a stellar combination of extrovertion, the lack of a filter, and wanting to annoy me as much as humanly possible, starts talking, and i don't care, he can talk.
then he says this: "oh, yeah, and a few days ago, [my name] *accidentally* forgot her plate on the side table without eating her broccoli."
a few things pissed me off there. first of all was that i knew that i, in his position, wouldn't have brought it up because i know how much i hate being called out. the second thing is that it was an accident, but he was treating it like i'd done it on purpose. being falsely accused is one of my major pet peeves. and the third thing was the pronouns he used. i can't blame him there, because i still haven't really told anybody, but combined with the first two it just transformed my rational thoughts into very stabby ones.
he mentioned the same thing later that same day when we were eating dinner. he said the exact same thing obnoxiously loudly.
and i just had it. i stood up and yelled something along the lines of, "okay, maybe i did that, thomas, but it was an accident! i make mistakes, alright?! can you stop bringing it up over and over again?! you need to learn when to shut up!"
then i locked myself in the bathroom and ignored everyone for about forty minutes. nobody brought it up and i never apologized, because at the time it felt justified to me. but now i'm not so sure about it.
am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
83ZkOh5QuM2JwniUO32xv1Za45MlJ7vh
|
ab3y9u
|
{
"description": "getting pissed off if BF goes to the movies without me",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for getting pissed off if BF goes to the movies without me?
|
Some context here. The thing is, my BF goes to the cinema ALL THE TIME. That’s not the problem, as he goes with me when I have time and want to go. Problem is, by the time I want to see a specific film, he has already gone to the movies either with his family or friends. After a while of dating, most of the movies we go see, he has already seen and we can’t share the surprise. I have told him what I want, for him to wait maybe on some movies, not all of them, to see them with me. He has ignored this. I feel like I’m trowing a tantrum here but, I just wanna share the excitement of a new movie with him. Now I would just rather not go with him at all.
AITA for thinking like this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZTpgZW8EtGlK3sSoqU5ZEKcIrkMy12bY
|
akg21x
|
{
"description": "asking out one of my ex's best friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I asked out one of my ex's best friends?
|
Essentially the title.
Would I be an ass if I asked out one of my ex's best friends?
​
For a bit of background, I recently got out a of a pretty short (3 month) relationship. It ended amiably, but it was clear that I was being broken up with. I don't want to be single, so I've been trying to get back into dating, and the person I'm interested in is unfortunately one of the closest friends of my ex.
​
I think it would absolutely be shitty if I dated someone and broke up with them and then started dating their best friend, but I think its murkier because I was dumped.
I'm not doing this to get back at my ex - I'm not super vindictive or anything like that, and in hindsight we just didn't really mesh well. Also, I thought about asking out the best friend maybe 6 months ago but decided not to for unrelated reasons, so this isn't a new interest on my part.
​
I do think this would bother my ex, but I don't feel like I have to build my social life around what she would or would not like.
​
Or am I just rationalizing what would be a terrible thing to do?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
5rJwx8wjdNOptKxqPQA4H5qQIwekePD8
|
a7iiyj
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend to not start a Pathfinder's campaign with out discord group while he's visiting me next week",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my[21] boyfriend [20] to not start a Pathfinder’s campaign with out discord group while he’s visiting me next week?
|
Hi! Sorry for the formatting, I’m on mobile.
OKAY. So, last night my bf and a couple of friends watched Vampire Hunter: D. They ended up loving the movie so much that everyone decided on making a pathfinder campaign to play out the world of the movie.
We all made characters that night and went to bed. Today, my boyfriend decides to make the campaign time the day after he comes out here (which would be next Thursday). He didn’t even tell me first, he just posted it in chat. I immediately tell him to not do something like that without asking me first, especially since we are long distance and only see each other twice a year. Not only that, we had planned to do a one on one campaign.
he said that he could cancel the pathfinder campaign if I wanted him to. And I said that we can do it at a different time. I know that he isn’t upset at me, but I still feel like I did something wrong here. (He did nothing to make me feel that way, I’ve had two bad relationships before him.).
Am I the asshole?
UPDATE
Thank you all for the kind responses!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
rfGMdVPgcOMsSJ3xHfykEINcUH31TCSY
|
b5et80
| null |
AITA? My upstairs neighbours have really heavy sex directly from above my bedroom. After two notices, and as I am the owner of the building, I retaliate by DJing with my speakers oriented to their flat.
|
Self explanatory. Mu upstairs neighbours have reeeaaaally loud sex just above my bedroom, so after two notices and as the owner of my building, I retaliate by blasting PG18 songs directed to their flat.They didn't change their behaviour and I could technically move them away but I take pleasure from my retaliation process.They also broke quite a few laws regarding the building rules. AITA here, or they just put themselves great joy by putting it in the A.
CCW, of course.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
QzuMZ0FAEGlvCXGfFe03K0L2MBbTJBx5
|
ants6e
|
{
"description": "not rushing to the hospital when my brother text me telling me my mom was admitted for having water in her lungs and congestive heart failure",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not rushing to the hospital when my brother text me telling me my mom was admitted for having water in her lungs and congestive heart failure?
|
Let me start off by letting you know that my mom has really bad diabetes. Just 3 weeks ago she was rushed to the ER because her sugar went down below 20. That morning I got woken up by text and calls from my older brother and younger sister freaking out "mom is dying" "get your ass over here". I rushed to the hospital in damn near tears thinking I wasn't gonna get to see her.
They were able to stabilize her and she was sent home a few days later.
Last night I was at work (I work nights) I get a casual text from my brother saying "mom has been admitted to the ER". I was bummed out but I didn't think it was a huge issue. She's been admitted plenty times her sugar fluctuates between 300 (her Dr thinks that's normal for her now it's crazy I know) to over 1000. I asked him if I need to leave work and go to the hospital. He replied telling me that he'll let me know and to just "keep checking up on Mom". And so I do. I messaged him about an hour later and no reply. I messaged my sister and she's back home taking care of her kids.
I messaged my brother once more "how is Mom should I head out that way". You might be asking yourself why I kept asking instead of just going. Well every time my mom gets admitted we take turns spending time in the hospital so she doesn't stay alone. I was waiting till they told me "I gotta go home and rest come stay with her". Anyways I go home and go to sleep. I wake up and again ask "how's Mom" and instead of getting an answer telling me how she's doing, I get "aren't you planning on coming?". I said "dude I work and don't have a car I've been asking if I should have taken off". And to that I got "you said enough" and then 3 or 4 long messages from my brother telling me how much of a piece of shit I am for not being at the hospital with Mom.
Oh and the reason I brought up that I have work is because I'm not doing great financially and my mom depends on us. Well the second I walked into the hospital room my brother and sister get on my ass about not helping my mom financially enough.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
aNMbyArMlKVMgBoJpQNBjtqYEvOuYYnW
|
aiaprd
|
{
"description": "never wanting to have future contact with my girlfriends father",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
Aita for never wanting to have future contact with my girlfriends father?
|
My girlfriend (we'll call her gf from now on)& I have known eachother since 2001 but we only recently started dating in 2017. We have met a fair amount of eachothers family & friends with the exception of me meeting her dad. I never met him because her parents were divorced & they didn't live together.
Our relationship is pretty serious & we plan to get married soon enough so things like us getting along with eachothers family & friends really means a great deal to me.
Gf & i haven't been spending alot of time together since i am stationed in ft Stewart Georgia & she lives in New York so you could imagine when she came down to visit her dad who lives outside of Atlanta (3hrs drive) i was absolutely thrilled to go see her & have the chance to meet her dad who i have never even spoke to before. I thought to my self 1 the rest of her folks love me so he will too .2 he is retired army & i am active army & soldiers love to bond & shit talk. 3 gf is going to be jealous of my bond with her dad. 4 This is going to be awesome .
So i make the trip there walk in the house & gf makes the introductions " hey daddy this is [insert name here] " . @ that moment i extend my hand & say " hi sir its nice to finally meet you" . He then turns his back to me & ignores me . The entire time he didn't even make eye contact or look at me. I repeated "sir?" a little louder with my hand still extended for him to shake & he continued ignoring me. I looked @ gf & she just smirked a little bit while nodding her head in the direction of the living room. We went to the living room where we waited for her little sister to get ready so we could go out to the mall. Gf acted as if nothing weird had happened with her father a moment ago so i too brushed it off & truthfully i didn't want to ruin my short time with her.
Fast forward to the next day. i check out of my hotel room & go back to gf dads house to spend a few more hours with her before i have to head back to base. The time came for me to leave but gf halted saying "my dad will be back in A few minutes so just say goodbye to him too" i thought ok no problem a couple minutes delay wont kill me. He shows up & i say "hey sir thanks for letting me come by & it was nice to meet you" holding my hand out for him to shake ,he again ignores me & walks away. Gf again smirks & acts as if nothing weird happened. I shrug it off for the 2nd time so that i can make the most of my time with her as i leave.
I spend the entire drive back & the next day thinking if i did something wrong to this guy. Was it what i wore or something i said or did that made him act that way. I replayed the situations over & over in my head before i had a serious conversation with gf telling her that im not having any further contact with her father & that when we have children hes not meeting them because i dont want him to treat my children that way. I also told her ill never set foot in his house again & he is not welcome @ my house. I am not going to be disrespected by anyone in that manner. He can do whatever he wants in his house because thats his castle but i am no kin of his & i owe that man nothing so i dont see why he would behave like that.
Her initial response was a bit confused with a mix of "thats just how he is" . I told her that her father is either socially retarded or he is intentional being disrespectful to me & i highly doubt its the former because he doesn't go through his daily life ignoring people. She eventually understood after a bit more back & forth. Gf spoke to various family members who took my side & spoke to her dad about it.
Fast forward 3 months later & we are in Jamaica for my dads funeral where we meet even more of eachothers family which was pleasant. I meet her aunt (gfs dads sister) & gf rattles off the story of the "Georgia incident" in a somewhat comical way to which her aunt responds laughing " thats is just how he is" .i laugh too so that i can allow them to enjoy their time together without lecturing them on why that guy is trash because who knows when gf will get the chance to go back to Jamaica & visit her family. I love gf & i love to see her happy so i let it go. All this happened late in 2017
Yesterday 2019 gf mentioned something about when our future children visit her dad & i stopped her in her tracks to say "that will never happen" .
Gf: you're still hung up on that stuff that happened?
Me: yea thats kind of a big deal to me
Gf: yea but my folks spoke to him about it and now he knows he is wrong .
Me: your dad is a grown man he should have known he was wrong before. hes a dick
Gf: yeah but he is trying to be better.
Me: he had 2 chances to shake my hand . He has already shown me who he is & by what your family says "thats just how he is" he is never going to chang or act right. I dont want that around me or my future kids.
Gf: can you at least acknowledge that he is making an effort?
Me: making an effort to who? Has he reached out & apologized? Did he tell you to pass on a message to me? No? Ok then dont bother calling anyone now to try & convince him to send an apology because its too late now.
So gf is telling me im in the wrong & im being harsh. Over a small situation.
I grew up giving people respect. I lived in the south all my life where we even refer to small children as sir or maam. I dont sit until im offered a seat . I never shake hands while sitting & the military instilled even more customs and courtesies in me . Her father also being also a military man should understand those basics too. All i wanted was for him to have the decency to shake my hand & return the respect given. I dont expect everyone to be the exact way i am because people are different but i at least expect someone to acknowledge i exist.
So tell me folks am i the asshole for not changing my stance on this
TL;DR: gfs dad completely ignores me twice never apologized .i tell gf my problem with that . Gf tells her family. Family tells her dad. Dad is trying to change. I tell gf i still dont want any contact with her dad a yearish later because he still hasn't apologized .gf says i am now the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
mTjr0hAhNXeWmNYn2yBW4cdraVd17J7B
|
b6spxr
|
{
"description": "not wanting my son to study russian philology and go to Russia",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my son to study russian philology and go to Russia?
|
So I'm from Georgia and my son wants to go to Russia to study russian philology. Idk if you know much about us but Russia is our enemy and my son wants to move to russia (temporarily or maybe even immigrate) and study russian philology. I basically told my son that he is betraying our country, our heritage and culture and that he is a fucking scumbag for doing it. Russia invaded our country and we have family that are stuck in Ossetia (russian occupied part of georgia) and my uncle died in the 2008 war. My son is basically spitting on our faces by doing so and i told him if he does this then we will no longer care about him and excommunicate him
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
L3raFWHp957KpXdpnJl9mIHqKaqM4pCp
|
ai7qdd
|
{
"description": "ghosting a guy who was not perceptive of my boundaries",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting a guy who was not perceptive of my boundaries?
|
Ok so for starters, I was never interested in this guy, but he was interested in me. I figured that he and I have good friendship chemistry, so I won’t simply discount him just because he seems to like me, and I planned to be upfront with the fact that I wasn’t interested in a relationship if he ever brought it up.
One day he asks me to get dinner (in my school’s dining hall, so it wasn’t a date), and I was nervous because it’s one on one, and as someone who has some pretty serious trauma from sexual abuse, that can be jarring. However, I felt guilty/afraid to say no, so I met up with him.
We got food and things were pretty cool. Our personalities meshed well, but he definitely mistook my kindness for me flirting with him. It was especially present when he talked about how he was insecure about having a neck beard that grows if he doesn’t shave it every second and I mentioned to him that he looks fine regardless. My mission on this planet is to lift people up, and he was clearly feeling insecure, and I recognized that since he clearly liked me, my opinion held merit. This is why I decided to try to promote the fact that it doesn’t matter how he looks, rather than just saying that one of his features looked good. But he like, REALLY, took it the wrong way. He started doing that goofy smile guys do when they are head over heels.
I am generally a very bubbly and positive person who guides social encounters. When I get anxious, I start to blabber incessantly, which is what I started to do as we continued to talk, because all I could think about was how he probably wanted to do sexual things to me and how scary that thought is for me. This is another thing that comes with trauma for me. I could be head over heals in love with the guy sitting across from me, Iocked in enthusiastic philosophical conversation, but sometimes, an image of him raping me just pops into my head. It makes it very hard for me.
So when we walked out of the dining hall, I was just very eager to get back to my dorm. Unfortunately, he walked with me to my dorm, which was a mere 50 feet away. On that short walk, he proceeded to move very close to me to the point where our shoulders were almost touching. I moved away. He kept moving close, even though it got to the point where I was off of the path and walk-in in the grass. He said something along the lines of “Sorry, I’m walking too close to you,” to which I responded “Yeah, I’m just really big on personal space.” He just continued to walk closer to me. I was afraid to say no. I just wanted to get back to my dorm and cry. When we got outside the door, he leaned in to hug me, but I just ran into the building and proceeded to have a panic attack. I spent two hours on the phone that night crying to my best friend about how terrified I was, and how hard it is to go through life with the pain that I constantly feel.
In an effort to be fair, I want to mention that this guy is significantly shorter than me. Also, he had no way of knowing that I have trauma.
From then on, my responses to this guy’s texts were curt, if present at all. That was in September. He ended up giving up on texting me, but then one day in the dining hall, we ended up right next to each other getting food. I was instantly uncomfortable, and tried to keep conversation brief. Later on, he texted me and apologized for acting weird in the dining hall since has was super high at the time. I was once again brief with my responses.
A few weeks later, he texts me and asked me if he makes me uncomfortable. His message proceeded to send me into a fit of anxiety. You see, days before, I had just found out that the guy that I had spent a lot of time flirting with over the previous weeks was a serial rapist and that I could’ve been one of his victims, so this message came at a really bad time.
I was too afraid to respond. I felt so guilty, but all I could think about was that I didn’t want anybody to hurt me again and how scared I was of him getting angry. So I didn’t respond. That was until two months later, this December. The guilt began to eat me alive, and so I texted this guy a respectful explanation for my behavior. The message didn’t go through, which I think means that he blocked me. I vowed to tell him the truth in person once I got back to campus, but there he was in the dining hall today, and I was just too terrified to even make her contact.
This guy did try to reach out, and no matter how I frame it, from his point of view, I just refuted his attempts at communication. There’s no going around that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
JcdtTPciPFdL7lASZD3ncJCyLNpmPg7p
|
awni6n
| null |
AITA to my ex?
|
He’s always like I wish we could be together. The timing is wrong. Work is crazy. I need to leave my gf. I don’t See a future with but I’m giving her a shot and hoping it works out but I’m sad when I think of our future. I’m leaving her soon. I’m glad we got to talk the other day. It was so good to talk to you let’s talk again soon. I didn’t appreciate you enough when we dated.
He notoriously tells people whatever will make the conversation the easiest. He tells people what they want to hear in the moment. When I bring up something he said that isn’t in line with his current agenda he says I’m crazy and dont remember. I show him texts to prove my point, so naturally he has wanted most of our convos to be over the phone or even in person so I can’t record him.
He is a nice guy and compromises a lot of his values in order to be a people pleaser. He will do anything to avoid getting in trouble or looking like the bad guy.
I am stuck on him cause I was the best girlfriend and he could not have cared less. He said the best thing he did for me was not get upset with me or confront me on issues. I helped him through college, wrote his college essays, did his homework when he was busy, helped his parents business for hours without pay, hung out with his crazy mom cause I knew she’d enjoy it and it would distract her from being in my exes business, I encouraged him all the time despite him being so insecure about himself. Like he did anti wrinkle cream at age 20, wore lifts in his shoes to make him taller, couldn’t leave the house with his hair wet, put loads of Rogaine and thickening powder in his hair, and would check himself out in the mirror if we hugged near a mirror.
Me: Ok. I knew you didnt mean anything you say. You’re just trying to be nice. I appreciate that but goodbye. For real.
Him: Apologies. I legitimately have been very busy, staying up late and waking up early working. I could talk to tonight which is what I was hoping for but its hard to know your schedule too. Also, I don’t appreciate your impatience and constantly rude and accusatory tone.
Me: You never reach out to me without me pushing, you don’t try to coordinate or anything. I drive this entire convo most of the time. If it was important to you then you’d try harder. It’s not important to you but you’re just trying to be nice. I appreciate you not being rude to me, I do.
I am being direct and honest. I really appreciate you being nice to me but I would further appreciate you being more direct with me.
He called me ten minutes later but I was busy with plans cause he didn’t do anything to plan a time with me.
I asked him the next day if he could call and he said this:
Him: I understand, we are busy people.
I'll have to see depending on what plays out tonight, I would have a better sense around 8:30 9
Him: I should be free to talk after 10 but if you got plans no worries of course
Around ten:
Him: ?
I didn’t respond. I was sleeping cause I work weird hours.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
QvzWzxejrLGlR1FTbUdKI2zCeTXuP8UD
|
a4tey0
|
{
"description": "being petty",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For Being Petty?
|
So I have these friends. Lets call them Mary, Grace, and Sam. Of the three of us, I'm the only one currently employed. Lately, I've noticed we haven't been able to hang out as much as we used to. Maybe it's because my work schedule is hard to work around, I don't know. But regardless, I see them hanging out sometimes on social media, doing things I would always do with them. And it kinda hurts to not even get invited. And the only times they really seem to invite me anymore, is when I need to pay for them. Because they have no money.
Now, all three of them are very nice people. I don't imagine they would ever try to use me. But my paranoid thoughts and self loathing make me feel like I'm just not a good person to hang around. It feels like they don't want me around anymore, and that Mary only invites me along so Grace and Sam can come too. Mary still has some money, but Grace and Sam have none. So whenever I think about it, or see them hanging out, these thoughts pop up again, and turn into resentment.
It should be noted that in the past, I had a different friend who often did try to use me for my money, and take advantage of me. It was really bad. But I was so desperate to feel loved and wanted and accepted, that I would always give out money. Mary knows all about this previous experience.
Recently, I saw them all hanging out again without me. And it was all stuff that we had been excited to do together, and wanted to do all together. So I was...really hurt. And I sent Mary a message saying something along the lines of "Looks like you're all having fun" Because I just wanted them to remember, hey, I'm still here, too. And because I wanted them to feel a bit bad, because I was feeling like a sack of trash.
Mary said it was petty and I was just trying to make them feel bad when they did nothing wrong. I started trying to explain my feelings to her about it, but she stopped me, saying I shouldn't bother her and try to ruin her night by saying something passive aggressive and trying to make her feel bad when she did nothing wrong.
I feel really bad about this all now. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
nBj0J0GO2LFin89pmam0ITGT0N6higHC
|
afapkr
|
{
"description": "accidentally causing this",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for accidentally causing this
|
So during the summer of 2018 I was playing with my online friends that I've know for 2 years. I had my mic on full volume because of communication purposes because i didnt want to mistaken anything
Anyways my mom walk in asking what if I did something and one of my friends said, "Shut up bitch." My mom heard and took my PS4 because of this
My friends blamed me because I left the volume on max
TL;DR: One of my online friends said, "said shut up bitch" when i had my volume on the max to prevent communication issues, she took the PS4 and my friends are now blaming me for this
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
y3zg3qeZ4WZ6iAXUpy9if28OJtuqB4Fo
|
af4pw6
|
{
"description": "avoiding and ignoring my friends when they pressure me to change",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for avoiding and ignoring my friends when they pressure me to change?
|
I’m extremely introverted. At the beginning of the school year, I met two guys at my school who became friends with me. They’re extroverted, and they admit to not understanding introverts and they know that I am one of them. They need tons of social attention, so they like to follow me around. I’m not a big fan of this, so I started spending more time alone. During second quarter, they acted like wanting to be alone alot is a sign of hating everyone, and they started pressuring me to be more social. I started to sit further away from them in classes, and they started saying things like “Hey, you wanna play video games with us? Oh wait, nevermind. You hate us.” They started to get angry that I wasn’t on discord that much anymore, and I started ignoring and avoiding them. I completely isolated myself from them over winter break.
Right now in third quarter, we have a discrete friendship that works decently for all of us, but I’m not sure if I was being an asshole or not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
X5Vf4bSkITOSXWSO0Qx9fIp5QOc9RyVV
|
av4mxw
|
{
"description": "trying to convince my dad to put my brother back in his will",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for trying to convince my dad to put my brother back in his will?
|
Hi all. I've noticed that AITAs to do with wills are quite popular at the moment, although most of them seem to be whether taking 100% of the inheritance is greedy, which are typically met with a resounding NTA. I have the opposite problem.
My dad is in failing health and yet my brother has been taking money from him without repaying it, not allowing him to see his kids, suddenly lumping him with animals to look after before he goes on holiday etc. As a result of all this my dad told me the other day that he would be cutting my brother out of the will. My dad recently received a fairly large medical retirement payout, which my brother has apparently already been digging his claws into.
My dad is kind of a pushover, and when this kind of thing happens it annoys me because he moans to me about it yet continues to lend my brother money. I am not sure if he would actually follow through on this threat, but I ended up in tears begging him to leave my brother in the will. If he is cut out, I just know that he will not stop hounding me and my husband for 'his' half.
AITA for telling my dad what to do with his money?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
KDUkHsKSzGPbZdl8yA419oONZEd2N1DO
|
aj5yeq
|
{
"description": "telling to friends that my ex flat mate cheated on his ex gf",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling to friends that my ex flat mate cheated on his ex gf?
|
he (M19) asked me (M20) to not tell anyone. but I was anoyed because we leave the apartment this week and I left everything clean but the kitchen for him to clean up.
he and his autie told my mom the apartment was a mess and today my father did the kitchen (we live 400 miles from the city of the apartment and my father went for other bussines, so gratefully he is a good one).
the point is that another friend told me that his ex gf asked him if my flat mate cheated on his ex gf while living with me, i said yes and the girl (that I dont know btw) told him that i was the one who told her that.
he wanted something serious with the girl, and I guess this fucked up everything for him.
he is very anoyed and I dont really care, just want to know if I am the ass hole. sorry for gramatical errors, english is not my first language.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
FrmMhZLSblNzYz1PjTTfsyYEn25O6nXP
|
aho76g
|
{
"description": "making my dad wait 1.5 hrs for me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making my dad wait 1.5 hrs for me?
|
On mobile, sorry for format
Also this happened yesterday
Ok, so my school gets out at 3:00 on fridays and my dad has no work on Friday also. Seems like there’s no mess up so far. While driving to school he told me he had a meeting that started at 3 and was projected to last 1.5 hours. I realized I forgot to bring my phone because I left it on the charger. My dad tells me to stay close to the school and meet him after his meeting so he could get me.
I go through my day and realize how boring 1.5 hrs wait is. I couldn’t do hw and I wasn’t going to sit around because I would fall asleep. I decided to walk. But the farthest I walked was 1.5 miles from the school. I went around the school and before I knew it I had walked 6 miles. (I know tgatvdue to my watch) It was also 4:30.
It normally takes my dad 10 min to get to my school and I was waiting out front for him where he normally gets me. At 4:40 I decide to go into the school and I see him there. I get into the car and he’s mad at me, asking where I was and he told me he arrived at 3:30. He yells at me for 5 min and then stops for the rest of the ride. He didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day.
I woke up today and it seems we are all good so far.
So, AITA for making my dad wait so long?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7OJqdjZpITp6XwzxpOYgOWpmkiGdGGnr
|
amb0c1
| null |
AITA fir waking up a homeless dude to give him some money?
|
I live in LA and I was walking down the street and saw a homeless dude sleeping on the sidewalk and his head was in the puddle.
I happen to have a bit of extra cash and really felt for the guy, because it's raining and his head is in a puddle, so I take a $10 out of my pocket and bend down and wake him up.
He does that jump thing everyone does when they're woken up without warning and says "fuck you".
I say "hey, man I wanted to give this" and hold out the $10.
He says "fuck you. I was asleep"
I say "it's money. I wanted to help you out"
He says "Fuck you. I was sleeping"
I say "alright." And put my $20 away and leave.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Q6flOVGSE4VDd0KuQZaxJcNfiHwnCySk
|
at7ld4
|
{
"description": "asking a plumber to work around my schedule to fix a leaking pipe that has been there for years",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking a plumber to work around my schedule to fix a leaking pipe that has been there for years?
|
First time posting in this community but regularly watch. So I live in an condo apartment complex that used to be an old hotel from 1940s or older. It was recently sold to a new owner(there are other things in the apartment thar need fixing but not extremely dire), who I told about the pipe underneath the sink coming undone constantly and leaving a huge puddle on the bottom floor of my kitchen sink. It's so bad, there is masking tape holding everything together(this was like this prior to me and the two previous tenants living there before me-told the older owner about it the second day of moving into apartment but was cheap about fixing) and he agreed to hire a plumber this week to look at it.
So the owner gives the plumber my number and he calls me at 8am yesterday saying he'll have to get materials and can come during the week, asking when I get off of work(I get off late afternoon and don't come home until 5). He states "Is this everyday?" and I respond yes. I asked if he could come saturday and he was like "it depends since I have to get materials" but calls the owner and lets him know. I text owner and let him about plumber possibly coming on Monday since I stated Monday is okay(I'll be working closer to home that day and will leave an hour or so early from work to make it easier. I called the plumber around 9am leaving a voice mail stating if he can come around 4pm on Monday since I'll be home from work before then. No response. I finally text him if a little after 4pm works for him and all he texts is "No".
So I text back saying that "Please we need discuss a time when you can come because my pipe is leaking constantly, this will have to be around my schedule as well as I can't take an entire day off for this, so would you be able to come saturday?" Nothing.
I then text my landlord/owner saying "So he is not giving me any other options for him to come out and fix the pipe. He said no for Monday to a bit after 4:00 and has not replied back about coming on saturday(which we keep going back on). He is not being accommodating. Could you please speak with him?" He said he'll give him a call.
I can't take off all day from work as I just got this job(research at a hospital) and have only been here a few weeks. I'm willing to leave work as early as I can so he can enter my apartment(the concierge downstairs can't let people up into my apartment without me physically being there) and I don't want a random stranger alone in my apartment with my belongings.
AITA for asking a plumber to work with me or around my schedule to fix my sink even though I will take off a few hours from work to make it happen?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
tRCjEtHJptUvZ6xz5fSpmzWMCK0msZMg
|
ai4mqb
|
{
"description": "getting pissed when my wife whistles to get my children's attention in public. the exact tone you would use to call a dog",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for getting pissed when my wife whistles to get my children's attention in public. The exact tone you would use to call a dog.
|
I see this as being on the same level as people put their kids on leashes. It annoys me to no end and she sees no problem with it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
mZ2F8baX8qsn6dgkY0TnJmpr7qCcmiBb
|
ajnfyf
|
{
"description": "not wanting to attend my grandmother's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to attend my grandmother's funeral.
|
My paternal grandmother passed away this week, she was 92 years old and lived a full life.
In her life she was an abusive mother and wife. She had severe rage issues and quite possibly some very serious mental illnesses resulting from having had a very violent childhood herself. She refused to go to a doctor to get a diagnosis or any medication.
She was a horrible woman, but not to me. I had limited interaction with her since childhood. I remember seeing her enraged maybe twice in all that I've seen, and it was never directed at me. I was also consciously kept away from her when she was at her worst, I guess. So my memories of her are that of a benevolent woman who was kind to animals and kind to me.
But I never heard positive things about her from my mum or other relatives. They hated her, called her crazy, found her to be a huge burden.
Now that she's dead, they're holding a traditional Hindu funeral service for her... And it will involve all the people who hated her in her lifetime, who treated her like an inconvenience as she grew older.
I refuse to attend this service. I not a practicing Hindu, nor am I one for appearances. I don't want to meet these people and hear them tell lies about what a kind woman she was etc etc. She wasn't and that's ok. I don't want to participate in this ritualised hypocrisy that is honouring my grandmother's memory when the same people obviously disrespected and dispised her in life. I also have anxiety and am particularly wary of large social gatherings. Over the past year things have improved but I can't bring myself to attend this event.
My grandmother is gone, in my belief system, this service is of no consequence to her. And I don't want to interact the people who will be attending this service.
A small part of me thinks I should go to be there for my dad, she was his mother after all. But that small part is snuffed out by the much larger part that is already depressed and anxious and doesn't need any more reason to hate people.
Am I the heartless asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
a5PS4zv0458cHpsQ633IYwfxrbNaHmVZ
|
a0mv5h
|
{
"description": "being the man in the middle of MIL drama",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being the man in the middle of MIL drama
|
​
Wife and MIL drama hits a boiling point and I just trying to get some basis if I am in the wrong.
This all began a few years ago. We were getting ready for our mainly DIY wedding and my mom had invited us over to Thanksgiving. After discussing with my wife, we decided it would be hard for us at the time (we live about 2.5 hours away) so we let my mom know a month ahead of time. My mom said it was fine and said she understood we were busy with wedding stuff, I come from a small family so after my wife, daughter and I were unable to attend it would have been just my brother and his gf. So my mom decided to just not cook a dinner and would work out other plans with them.
This seemed fine but then I get a call from my angry brother (who I am not really fond of). That it was a terrible thing to do to my mom and that I spend too much time with my wife's family (they are local to us). He screamed a whole bunch of other things. I just kinda ignored him as it hadn't been the first rage fest he has had in my life but he was screaming so loud my wife heard it. Fall out from this was he was uninvited from the wedding and we haven't spoke since, he has made no effort to reconcile (not a big loss for me).
This has pretty much soured the relationship between my mom and wife. She assumes that my brother only did that on her behest or that my mom should have chewed him out, or made him understand what he did was wrong. That she caused him to blow up doing what she did. And it is her fault for raising someone so self absorbed. I have no idea about my mom and her discussions with my brother I figure that is there relationship and we are adult children my mom isn't in control of me or him. MY wife comes from a family where the parents still have a big say over whats right and wrong in their adult children's lives.
My mom isn't perfect she has done some things that disrespected us. I brought them up with her, tried to make her see what she was doing with various degrees of success. I had tried a lighter approach at first to being pretty blunt now. My wife is always on me to bring up these things to her. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle here with my wife being on me to set these things right and make my mom understand the wrong she has done. Telling me I'm "Momma's Boy" because I'm constantly defending her. In my wife's mind because I can't completely write off my mom as terrible person that I defend her. I try and focus on people's actions and not make judgments of them as a person. My wife see's this as being weak and not standing up for us as a family. Meanwhile my mom is telling me how she loves us and doesn't mean things the way they happen and that she is sorry. But my wife doesn't believe any of it because she hasn't taken responsibility for the original wedding incident. My mom on the other hand feels like my brother is 30+ years old she didn't ask him to do anything but does say she would have handled that thanksgiving differently and does feel sorry for the drama it has caused.
This is blowing up recently because my wife found out that my mom recently attended thanksgiving with his fiance's family. She sees this as being massively hypocritical, because my mom hasn't come to our place on the holidays. We haven't directly invited her but my wife's family has and she has mainly turned down saying she has had work the next or that its hard for her to drive the long distance during the winter. My mom has come up slightly before the holidays to celebrate these holidays but never on them. We spend all holidays with my wife's family because they are close by and my wife really doesn't want to go (we haven't been there since before my daughter was born 4+ years ago). My mom says she understands our kids are young and its hard to travel and that its better for the kids since my wife's family is so large and have really festive holiday parties that it is something they should experience.
But since my mom hasn't come up to be part of the holidays she hasn't made an effort but my mom makes the effort to be with my brother's fiance's family on a holiday. I don't know the details of who invited who or why it happened. I see that as her relationship with him and none of my business really.
So I just feel like I'm stuck in the middle here. My wife I feel has been hurt deeply and understand that. My mom isn't perfect and has said some passive aggressive things that fuels the fire. But I personally don't think my mom is a terrible person.
So who is in the wrong here? Should I be standing up to my mom more and setting stricter boundaries and I allowed the relationship to get this bad? Is my wife overreacting? Is my mom the source of all the toxicity and being two faced? Who is the A here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
7pJ2yO5B9mMrB1mUWj8NPdW7PFa5c6z1
|
aq9e3z
|
{
"description": "thinking that my classmates are underrating me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking that my classmates are underrating me?
|
It all started when I was paired with 2 other classroom colleagues at my programming degree class for a work.
The thing is that, im coming from another different degree, and I have no idea how to program mostly as my team, who both came from a similar classes. I understand and apreciate that they gave me the easiest tasks. This project is quite tough, and we have been on it for 5 weeks now.
I was quite motivated because they seemed really focused and ready to help me. All went normal, until the programming started scalating exponetially, meaning that working at home can be really helpful as we only have 2-4 hours per day for day at class. They started doing my part of the tasks they gave me at home, and reproaching me I was doing nothing for those full hours at class, and getting even more mad at me because i can't finish the only few things I understand and do well.
This classwork method takes us all the programming classes we have for these almost month and a half we have, so we have to learn by ourselves almost everything, and by this I have the feeling that im getting really falled behind from what I should be.
This works means the 90% of the global note of the evalution, so I can understand their will for those full points, but im about to explode, furthermore, with the oral exposition ot the project this Friday, "as I haven't done anything this last month" I have to go out and speak alone in front of the other 30 students.
AITA for whining this time? Or should I talk to them seriously about my thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
DuwZV8aN4EIvQAQC6dzTsQGWymv44Uzq
|
adbiwu
|
{
"description": "wanting to know what my boyfriend is thinking about the timeline of our relationship",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to know what my boyfriend is thinking about the timeline of our relationship?
|
We have been dating for about a year and a half and although he tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he never talks about a timeline for taking the next step. I'm 30 and he is in his mid 30s. I don't want to sound crazy and clingy but I'd like to know if he's thinking 1 more year or 3 more years in terms of next steps. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zi2n97Px7BR45yG6WEghtThwMzsIzDsD
|
b41k7x
|
{
"description": "not attending a bachelorette weekend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not attending a bachelorette weekend?
|
I can’t figure out how to Post my story here. See comments below.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
FVRh0NaiXLEzB8bDsbhMzrI0ehS0hebM
|
b96dr2
| null |
AITA Best friend told me she didn't want to see me anymore
|
Hi reddit
This is my post here and I'll try to make this as quick as possible. I was really close friends with a girl for roughly three years. A few months ago, she told me that she didn't want to talk/see each other anymore and although I was crushed I understood and respectful about it. However, she told me that over the 3 year long friendship she didn't like spending time with me because I was too clingy and talked too much about my mental health. Bit of a background here, I've had severe problems with depression and anxiety etc and she told me to talk to her as much as possible about it whenever I needed it and told me she would always be there to help. When she was telling me all this it absolutely destroyed me, not because the friendship was over but because she spent three years with me and just pretended to be a really close friend when in actuality she thought I was overbearing and didn't like spending time with me. She told me she felt pressured to be in a friendship with me because I had no friends and seemed lonely.
Now I'm left with an overwhelming fear of making bonds with anybody I meet because they could do the same thing. Again to reiterate, I'm glad she spoke up and told me she didn't want to spend time with me anymore but I considered her one of my closest friends and I'm still trying to get over the fact that it was all just a lie and she felt sorry for me.
Her and I used to play Overwatch almost every night and she seemed really happy to spend time with me and we would hang out constantly. She was a lot more socially sound than I was but I feel like she wasn't faking it while she was with me.
I also could have talked about my mental health less but she told me to talk to her as much as possible about it.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
PE8mScMki2Z5Ab5WWyRGEx7gxNSEm4Eo
|
9vxd1t
|
{
"description": "being annoyed that my roommate never offers me food",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being annoyed that my roommate never offers me food?
|
First, some context. I live with two roommates and one of them loves to cook and bake, just like I do. There's rarely a time when one of us isn't in the kitchen making something. We often talk with each other about the recipes we want to try, what were doing differently that day, etc. We don't cook together much because we both are kind of control freaks when it comes to our food and want to make everything our way. I really enjoy the social aspect of food, so usually once or twice a week I'll make something to share with my roommates. I like seeing their reactions and it makes me feel good since we're all in college and having someone else making your food is a pretty big luxury. I also like to get feedback from my roommates on what I could do differently, especially the other cook because he has a great pallete and always has some very insightful advice
My roommate does not seem to share this sentiment. We have lived together for 1 1/2 years now and he has never offered me a single thing he has made. This seems kind of absurd to me considering he will frequently make huge amounts of food that he can't even finish before it goes bad. I know he has no obligation to offer me anything, but I think it's kind of inconsiderate of him to spend a morning telling me all about a recipe he's gonna try and what he's gonna do to make it and not ever think to offer me some. I think some of it might just be that I really respect his tastes and feedback and i just feel a little insulted that he doesn't see me in the same way. What do you think Reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
rnnFA1l24yxNndOGEj3dnvByZMqNQXsN
|
9yncty
|
{
"description": "hanging out with my friend after he broke up with his girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for hanging out with my friend after he broke up with his girlfriend?
|
I am going to tell the story as objectively as possible so I know the answer, because I feel genuinely bad about this. For context, I am a 25/F and he is a 24/M. My friend, we'll call him James, and I met in 2012 when we attended college together. We joined the same club and became fast friends. We started attending the same church and we became known as the pair that always hung out together. People would always question if we were a thing, but we never were. We drifted apart for a while after I got a boyfriend and I stopped attending the church. There was no falling out and I would occasionally see him when I was out and we would act completely normal.
Well, my boyfriend and I broke up and I started attending the church again soon after. I saw him and we reconnected instantly, but never really hung out outside of church. While I was gone, he got a girlfriend, who we will call April, and I became friends with her too after I got back to the church. At this point, they had been together for a little over a year and a half (I had been gone for about three years). Things were fine for a while and every Friday we would have a young adult group that would meet at around 9:30pm and we would just hang out with a bunch of other people our age. Anyway, one night they set up a volleyball net in the church and James went to play with a bunch of other people. I sat with April, as I was recently out of surgery and could not play, and I asked her how things were going with her and James. She remarked that he had broken up with her about two week prior and that she hasn't really told anyone yet.
I felt really bad and I understood because I went through a similar situation myself, so I comforted her as best as I could and offered to hang out with her that week to hear her out. She agreed and we went to get coffee later in the week. She told me about the circumstances surrounding their breakup and how he basically broke up with her out of nowhere, but explained to her that he didn't think the relationship was going anywhere. I gave her some advice, we hung out once more after that a out a week later, and I remarked to her that I would reach out to James as well, since I was friends with him for a while too.
A couple weeks later and on another Friday night, I approached James and asked if he was ok and if he wanted to talk. He agreed and we decided to go to Sonic after the young adult group ended and talk over milkshakes. This is also something that we have done in the past before I initially left the church the first time, so it was kind of nostalgic for us. We spoke about both of our respective breakups and how similar they were to each other, which made us both feel better. Eventually, something happened at Sonic that we found funny, so I decided to post a video on Snapchat. April was following me on Snapchat and saw the video I posted and texted me the next morning asking if I had hung out with him. I responded by saying I had, but I had not revealed anything that she had told me (I really didn't). I wasn't hanging out with him to gossip, I genuinely wanted to see if he was ok. She never responded to that text. When I saw her that Sunday, I asked if she was mad at and and she shrugged and said, "It is what it is."
Her and I haven't hung out since and I am wondering if I was wrong in reaching out to James. I have tried to talk to her, but she gives me one word answers and doesn't say much to me anymore. James and I have hung out a few times since then, but neither of us have interest in the other. AITA for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
qd53zm2tTeSU86GfBu2rWvLW0aLpxtIB
|
b1h0fb
|
{
"description": "missing my friend who I was in love with",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for missing my friend who I was in love with?
|
I'm on moblie sorry for bad formatting.
So heres some backstory, I met a guy in my first year of high school. Over the course of that year I realized I loved them, maybe too much to the point of obsession I can admit. But at the same time, they were my best friend. Probably the closest person to me. Now let's go back 5 years ago, I started dating a girl who would eventually become my girlfriend. She's amazing, pretty, funny, and she loves me. Not too long ago I realized it's pretty fucking stupid to keep hanging out with someone that potentially destroy your relationship, so after a 2 hour phone call of crying, silence, and just pitiful behavior. My friend and I both agreed if I really cared about my girlfriend I had to stop talking to them and get over him. So we're here now, and a last week I was talking to a old friend who goes, "Oh yeah (ex best friend's name) asked me what your new number is and is trying to talk to you." I immediately freeze up and hit with a rush emotions I was really not prepared for. And I'm honestly thinking of calling him. But I don't want to hurt my girlfriend. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
8WDj9nYHHCQYVRJemOoy0mDolBoM8mDG
|
b005x6
|
{
"description": "not forgiving this girl for exposing me to the clap",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for not forgiving this girl for exposing me to the clap
|
I’ve only been dating her for a few weeks. We had unprotected sex twice one night when we were drunk (I know, I know, but we’d both had STI tests in the last month). Fast forward 2 weeks and she tells me she has the clap and she thinks I gave it to her because she hadn’t had unprotected sex with anyone since her last test.
We went out a few times after that before I was able to get tested, and everything was fine, but then I got my results and it turns out I don’t have it, which means she had it before getting with me and exposed me to it.
I told her and told her to never speak to me again, and she called me a hypocrite because we both thought it was possible that I gave it to her, because both of us had sex in the month prior to our testing, which meant we could have infections that didn’t show up yet. I told her that I went out with her because I thought I was at fault, but I wasn’t and she shouldn’t have blamed me in the first place. She said I was an asshole. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
37Qz9zQRUrzmknayybv3wsccVxKPUaqk
|
aaegiw
|
{
"description": "not wanting to call my gf on NYE",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to call my GF on NYE?
|
After spending Christmas with my GF of two years and her family, I decided to take a boys trip to a friend's cabin for NYE - which my GF has repeatedly encouraged. She'll be spending it at home with friends or family. Recently, she mentioned that she'd like me to call her when the clock strikes midnight. I hesitated because I would find it rude to excuse myself from the party with old friends, particularly at that critical moment. She was upset, but agreed that a text earlier in the night would suffice.
AITA for not wanting to excuse myself in order to talk to my loved one at the beginning of the new year?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
eS3gy7IkahQtM8W6X7eiFTc0Tff0BGx4
|
9xbfcf
|
{
"description": "calling someone autistic",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling someone autistic?
|
So background knowledge, a year ago I was being tormented by people calling me gay & mocking me. I was in a generally bad mood. One day I called someone and his friend autistic because I was in a bad mood and he was pissed. A year later he started talking about it to other people to (presumably) make me look bad. I wanted to apologize and try to explain my actions but he said that he still holds a grudge against me. His friend also called me the devil for mocking him. Is this deserved?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
bWn38PJ3qGbaUM5M47VbJTHzounK2fpY
|
asyrmb
|
{
"description": "insisting that my brother be quiet",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for insisting that my brother be quiet?
|
As Creed Bratton once said, “I’m a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing.” I’m not sure why, but I waaaay prefer to work on the kitchen counter as opposed to my room. It doesn’t bother me or anybody else, so I’ve been doing it for a long time without any issues.
Recently, my brother has been FaceTiming his girlfriend very often. Our doors are thin and hollow, so you can hear his and his girlfriend’s voices very clearly. I asked him to please quiet down, to which he replied, “If you don’t like the sound, then go to your room.” I know I COULD go to my room, but he’s bothering everyone else.
This also happens when I’m not doing work, but just sitting in the living room enjoying myself. He likes to watch South Park, and one time I was talking with my mom in the living room when suddenly we hear South Park coming from his room. We asked him to be quiet, and he again said that we’re in the living room, and if we need it to be quiet, then go somewhere else.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
6Oeozg7sI71L31GXbHhOkoVzsnwu4EKJ
|
ah3f82
|
{
"description": "being annoyed at my friend for inviting me to come with him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at my friend for inviting me to come with him?
|
A little while ago I made [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a7s1v6/aita_for_being_angry_at_my_friend_for_pretending?sort=top) post. Read it for better context, but the long and short of it is I confessed feelings for a friend which he verbally and, to a degree, physically reciprocated, having previously displayed interest (as well as saying I was his best friend). He then proceeded to refuse several invitations to meet up over the course of about five months on the grounds of being terribly busy and never indicated any interest in meeting me at all outside school. During this time he would regularly tell me funny stories of the times he met up with other friends (really quite regularly) and so on. I don't even know if he realised the very obvious issue here, or if he was doing it intentionally for...reasons? Anyway I have been pretty angry at him seemingly lying to me about this sort of thing for basically years and seemingly stringing me along. FWIW, he had actually tried to get out of school to meet a friend for lunch at some point, so you can see he isn't trying very hard in this case.
Anyway, today he texted me
>Oh [other friend of his] and I were thinking of going to [cafe] or something after school tomorrow, do you want to come with ??
Am I the asshole for being somewhat offended at this offer? I can say almost for certain that he met up with this guy regularly anyway, and he has told me stories about times when he was meeting this guy. So I feel like he has finally decided, in his infinite magnanimity, to invite me along out out of pity. At least before I felt I had a shred of dignity left. I dunno. Also, I'd just come along as a largely unwanted third wheel and make everyone uncomfortable. Even the phrasing of the message makes it pretty clear I'm an afterthought, tagging along to join his meetings with people he could actually give a fuck about. After an hour or two I just replied " I wouldn't want to intrude" and he said nothing further on the matter.
All the crap I mentioned in the previous post killed my interest in him pretty quickly anyway, but I've considered him my best friend for a good six years. My plan now had been to talk to him in school but basically always be alone outside, since that way I could at least keep some self respect, rather than begging him to come hang out with me. Not that I'm sure I even really want to meet him that much anymore. He has also been physically touch again recently, and I'm not really sure what to do about that. I have no idea what to think in general.
Am I being unreasonable or unfair? Again, it may help to skim the previous post for a little more context.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
tuUFTQwfCtoHPbsrgb539ydCtIg9IyLM
|
b55m80
|
{
"description": "being upset at my roommate for buying himself a Nintendo Switch",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being upset at my roommate for buying himself a Nintendo Switch?
|
My roommate and I are best friends, but he can be quite irresponsible with his money. He does pay his share of rent and utilities on time, which I do appreciate; however, he has complained about not having his license or a car for close to six months now.
I have encouraged him to save money. Like perhaps don’t eat out every day, don’t buy multiple games for his PS4 every week, don’t buy stupid things in-game for his stupid games for his PS4, etc.
When he got his tax return (roughly 2 weeks ago), he proudly told me he was saving all of the return for a car and to get his license. I had my doubts, but reassured him that he’s got this.
Last week, he asked me solid reasons why he shouldn’t spend his tax return on a Switch. I gave him my honest thoughts, including that I’m not the biggest fan of having to drive him to work, to meet up with his friends, to go to the store, etc. Also, it would teach him a stance of responsibility, which he greatly lacks due to being attached to Mommy’s titty until he moved in about 4 months ago. He said it made sense, so I felt a bit more confident in him.
Tonight he came home holding a Switch box with a case and some games in a GameStop bag. He mentioned I was overreacting because it’s “his money and he can do what he wants with it”. I’m just annoyed over how he’s being reckless with his money and isn’t putting the right things as a priority. I just want what’s best for him, because I’ve been in his shoes at one point and looking back, I wish I would’ve had someone like me preaching to save and prioritize the proper things. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
pcNUnEEqrPZoMlHom7ixhDYse5PSQ0qR
|
b8ylg4
|
{
"description": "telling a friend he is entitled for expecting to get paid",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling a friend he is entitled for expecting to get paid?
|
My friend hasn't had a real job is his entire life.
He lives with his mother and has only done odd jobs for little pay.
Recently he was offered an apprenticeship by a cobbler since its a job he might be interested in.
However, he said won't be taking that offer since its unpaid.
I told him he has no skills, minimum education, nothing else to do with his time, and that hes being entitled.
That he is lucky to even find someone willing to teach him their trade and instead he should be paying the cobbler to learn from him.
AITA for telling my friend these things?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
j3Z5eaExB8ZgsuWjRDCgAxNfsurJpkvW
|
au2rp3
|
{
"description": "not wanting my brother to move back home during my spring break",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting my brother to move back home during my spring break?
|
So my older brother is scheduled to move back home as he's not sure if he wants to continue on with his PHD or not, as well as being told to move out because his roommate wants his fiancee to move in. So his situation kinda sucks.
​
However, he is coming back during my spring break despite still being good to return home the next week. And as I do about 45 weeks of school a year, I barely have much of a break for myself. And this was going to be some well-deserved "me time" while our parents go on a trip. But no, he picked my vacation time to move back. So I now have to look forward to being treated like a maid, loud guitar, verbal abuse and him talking down to me like I'm a pre-schooler. In general, his very presence stresses me out.
​
So am I the asshole for wanting him to delay his return, so I can actually take time to relax?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
DvmN0BMgzSO3NShfJ3rkr3YErMg3JSwH
|
b0uuru
|
{
"description": "being stubborn",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being stubborn
|
Ok redditors, this one requires quite a bit of back story, so bear with me.
My ex fiance and I have been off and on for the past four years. Recently we decided to take some time to figure out what we needed in a relationship, and wouldnt be happy without.
There was one thing that he brought up, and that is having liquor in the house.
I was raised in a very religious household. This taught me that drinking is terrible. Since growing up I have realized that there are many different ways people can act while intoxicated, and not all of them are bad. When we started the relationship I told him liquor is not something I want in my house or around my children. Since making this decision we agreed to a compromise of a boys room where he can keep his liquor away from our kids. Recently he bought up that he is no longer okay with this. He feels as if I'm asking him to hide a part of himself if I ask him to not drink in front of our children and also that I am demonizing something he enjoys.
While dating him I have begun to realize he could have an issue with alcohol. There are multiple moments where he has put us in situations which should not have happened but did due to his intoxication levels.
His alcohol usage has become a constant issue of irresponsibility and now I feel our relationship might be over forever due to this impasse. I told him this is a deal breaker for me and that it makes me worried about our children's safety.
Tldr: we have very different views on drinking while together and are at a point it won't be able to progress because we are hung up on it. Am I the asshole? Do I have impossible standards?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
PU4x7lHTGy36jjOFYdodlo8qyM8sQYuz
|
afbevr
|
{
"description": "wanting a girl pay for my broken phone",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA that I want a girl pay for my broken phone?
|
CG= crazy girl In middle school I was waiting outside my class for the teacher with everyone else. CG walks up to me, I have mutual friends with her so starts talking to me and joking around. I was on Instagram when she approached so I am now holding my phone loosely at my waist and I'm not looking at it. All of the sudden in the middle of the conversation she smacks my phone out of my hand and yells something stupid along the lines of "SLAPPED!" (middle school so i don't remember exactly). Understandably I am pissed and ask wtf and she says it's just a joke". I pick it up to find that the glass is completely destroyed, with shards falling from the screen. Again I ask "wtf wrong with you, why did you just break my phonel" And CG is adamant that I'm ying and that it was already broken. She wouldn't even admit she broke until it the teacher asked other kids who saw and told her that my phone in fact hadn't been broken before.. Anyways a week passes and tell I finally her she needs to pay to replace the screen, which is -$75 to which she says "you are rich, just buy a new iPhone." NoW at this point can't belleve her, for the phone she broke was a $250 shitty android that saved to buy and have made it clear that my parents will give me nothing towards a new phone and thatI have to pay for a new one out of pocket. CG constantly guilt trips me saying her family is extremely poor yet she has a brand new iPhone 6 which on it's own was worth 3x mine. I only ever ended up getting around $25, have never spoken to CG again. AITA for getting mad, even if she didn't expect it to break my phone?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
lcFEjVeixP3mKlWXzJ1CHZwuM3YbHnjU
|
akbo6s
|
{
"description": "advising my boss that he needs to fire several employees",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For advising my boss that he needs to fire several employees?
|
Im 26 and I work in an industry that is extremely competitive and has high turn over. I have worked for my company since i was 20, and my boss was once just my senior coworker and friend. He was promoted, and he brought me up the ladder with him.
In the new year our branch is restructuring. We will absorb key personnel from other branches. This presents several difficulties, namely we have an over abundance of people in certain departments.
Theres also increased competition in our branches sales force, which i run. More people means less base pay to go around, more competition means less commissions in the salesmans pockets.
My boss had two choices. Either the entire branch takes a pay cut plus a loss of bounses and we keep everyone, or he fires seven people who are redundant keeping everyone where they're at.
In private I suggested a third option. Eliminate twelve people, including members of our bloated accounting department, and give everyone an unofficial raise next quarter when we get cost of living adjustments.
He ended up firing eleven people based on my advise. In my mind this is just business, but another salesman has called my boss a dick for the layoffs without knowing my part in it. Am i a dick?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
Je9MPpbfCanL731kEYiaQndVx0WeBb2C
|
audeim
|
{
"description": "wanting to date a girl after a mutual acquaintance just went out with her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to date a girl after a mutual acquaintance just went out with her?
|
He’s like the brother of a friend, and when I hang out with these group of people he’s there. He’s not one of my friends and I don’t have his contact.
Me and the girl (they broke up like a week ago) have kind of been flirting on Snapchat.
I told her that maybe we should hang out soon and she said maybe we should.
He’s not my friend, but if other people see me dating her they’ll be like wtf I think.
Am I the asshole. Do they have a right to be mad at me if I date her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
b3XRmSsVgqSd1f4Yu2WaA6aBzJSzCWFJ
|
af2ula
| null |
AITA stressful day at the post office I work at
|
Am I the asshole? I have recently got my job back as a mail man, I’m 54 years old and I believe I will stick at this job until my retirement. I have some younger colleagues, one of them is 23 and the other is 25. Today they inconvenienced me by taking my load of letters and switching with there own so that I had to do more work. I called them out and told them not to do this, I wasn’t too annoyed but I made sure to say something. Later in the day they further inconvenienced me by deliberately spilling over my coffee all over my clothes, at this point I had enough and told the boss, our boss would not do anything about it so I decided let the tires down on my colleagues van so that they could not do there job with resulted in them being sacked. Am I the asshole for getting this revenge?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
a9hB5skvlV4jtpn6TFypCO3M85nuZCeK
|
auea5e
|
{
"description": "not wanting FH to go to 1st MBA reunion",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting FH to go to 1st MBA reunion?
|
So my FH just graduated from a prestigious school. We also just moved across the country, and I am sitting for the February bar exam. FH and I are both in high earning careers, we have a very healthy savings. His income covers our cost of living right now, but there isn't a lot left over after our monthly expenses. We have completely shared finances and all resources are ours.
So the program was really hard on our relationship to begin with. I made a lot of sacrifices followed by a cross country move for his career.
We had struggled getting an engagement ring, despite having agreed on a budget. He never wanted to go shopping and it made me feel really insecure because I asked if it was about money and he said no.
About the same time we were looking at a ring we started to talk about our travel plans for the year. I gave up pretty much everything I wanted to do this year, leaving only the things that were family commitments that HAD to get done. One of those thing was a cruise with my parents that we are taking because my Dad was just diagnosed with cancer. it will probably be my last family vacation. Since that was going to be a big expense, I have been trying to give up the other things I want to do so FH can do what he wants to do. We spent new years at the beach with his family, he has taken 2 ski trips.
Anyway, I learned all this about how he has been uncomfortable with the spending about a week ago. After feeling like shit about my ring, and after giving up on all these things I wanted to do. So now that I know hes feeling bad about money, I think about things and feel like he has been cheap on the things that I really wanted to do (get an engagement ring, going on a getaway together after the bar) and has been spending a ton on ski weekends. And he wants to go to the 1st MBA reunion.
The reunion will cost a grand. He wants to go for an invenstment fund meeting he has been working on. I feel like the other person he has been working with could handle it. Or he could skype in. He offered to take me with him and go to the meeting and not go to any other events, and then just have a weekend together, but I don't want to do that. I don't want to go back right now, and I don't really want to have this program running any more of my life.
AITA for not wanting him to go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
OQc4wA96xagVelis7T0YxMiv7xEFFCch
|
aeqo61
|
{
"description": "not letting my boyfriend play video games",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for not letting my boyfriend play video games?
|
Throwaway account
Now before all of the angry comments, let my explain:
When my boyfriend was a freshman in college (last year), he was obsessed with a game called Warframe (for those of you who don't know its a game with a lot of grind if you are a f2p) I played this game too, but not to the extent that he played. He would play for 5 hours just to get one rare blueprint for one character in one day (those blueprints are basically only 1/6th of the grind). We would occasionally play together and I noticed how he would always have something new, and I know he is too poor to buy any of that. He also ruined his GPA for the year because he would just play Warframe. Also, my boyfriend had an extremely easy schedule for that year so he could of used the time for a job (he always complained about wanting money), however, instead he would just play Warframe whenever he could - in between classes, 2 am in the morning, you name it. I started to get worried and had a talk with him over the summer of 2018.
After I talked to him about how he spends too much time on video games, he agreed to play it less, and he actually did. I also asked if he can get a job and he promised me he would try if he can (couldn't get a job because his semester schedule was a complete mess) However, this year, around October, he bought Monster Hunter Worlds (a game that is way too time consuming) and he played 28 hours of that game in under a week. Also, his schedule during the semester was much worse than the one from last year. He also tried to hide the fact that he played the game until I eventually found out.
Anyways, after a short fight I asked him to stop playing any grindy video games (which is basically all video games) and keep his steam profile public (so I can see if he plays). He completely complied and he now doesn't play any video games and plays a game called Enter the Gungeon (really good game btw) sometimes. So today is when it all hit me. He isn't depressed or anything, and right now he has winter break. I just started to think about him and realized how boring it must be for him when I can't talk to him or do something with him because I'm busy. I ask him if he is interested in any hobbies but he really isn't. He tries to reassure me that he is perfectly fine with it, but I'm not - I just feel guilty
So my question is - AITA for not letting my boyfriend play any grindy video games or is it justifiable?
​
TL;DR - My boyfriend used to play video games way too much when he should of focused on school, I told him to try to play it less, then next year he started to play really grindy video games again behind my back. I always worry about him but he tries to reassure me, but I feel bad because I feel like I am being too controlling.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
jTY1kcrpoYQlj38n6DXfwpnvNqbQnBts
|
a92oq1
|
{
"description": "being upset about secret Santa gift",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset about secret Santa gift?
|
For Christmas my group of friends does a secret Santa and this year the budget was $20 and in order to make it a bit easier everyone made a list of items within the budget. One of the girls from the group (let’s call her B) and I used to be very close. We did everything together and at some point I considered her my best friend but started to grow apart a little over a year ago. We had a few arguments and had talked things through and apologized but we stopped being close. When it came to exchanging gifts it turned out she had gotten me and had decided to gift me a “cup” she made in her clay class this past semester. I said thank you for the gift but couldn’t help feel disappointed considering there was a budget to follow and the only thing on my wish list was an $8 book.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
PRgDhH9SD54t3In5iaLjCCZaNrxfaVsN
|
a9vumh
|
{
"description": "cutting off connections with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for cutting off connections with my friend?
|
So yesterday, my friend called me and he started talking about the times we hung out. Basically he just brought up some really embarrassing experiences to which I laughed along to but would DEFINITELY not want other people to know. These are really embarrassing things that I don't want anyone else to find out. So we're just laughing and talking and we say our goodbyes.
Later that night, he tells me that 2 other people from my grade were with him and heard everything. I even heard them laughing in the background.
I then texted him that we weren't friends anymore and that he's a horrible person. He asked me some very personal questions that I wouldn't want anyone else to know. I then told another friend what happened and he kinda said that I overreacted, AITA?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
UKi1BG8KUKSvZWr3ERR6lgqKYhipUT5G
|
awv1e6
|
{
"description": "not wanting to continue contact with my mother/family",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting to continue contact with my mother/family
|
So I’ve been called an asshole for a lot of things. I’m 16 now and have left my moms home for various reasons. I’m staying with my moms parents and obviously they want me to fix things and talk to her. There’s alittle drugs involved and a lot of toxicity (imo at least) in why I left. My moms always been unfair with me and my 3 siblings, my little brother is the baby and gets away with everything, I’m not even joking. I’ve been sent to the hostpital a few times because she thinks I have a mental illness and the last time she tried to admit me I left. The doctor told her they couldn’t admit me because the last time it was obvious that I didn’t have a mental disorder that there was problems with me and mom and possible drug problem, don’t flip out Its just weed, and that I had to go home with her. I told her right when we walked out that I’m not going to her house and if she made me that I’d make sure in every way this would happen again. She agreed to let me stay at my grandparents.
I got caught smoking and was found in passed out in the car high as hell, this is when she tried to admit me into the hostpital the second time. She took all my belongings and refuse to give them back.
My brother got caught at school selling weed and they took his phone for a week. As I said it’s unfair
I’ve said many times I don’t want to talk to her that’s she’s basically dead to me and that’s that. Am I an asshole for not wanting to fix things? Like I understand my grandparents that what I’m doing is a shitty thing but justified, so I see how its hard for them to defend me, or maybe the drugs but they don’t know I’m still smoking.
Sorry for the formatting
TD:LR come from a toxic Homelife and refuse to have contact with my mother, am I the asshole ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
ROFzEG5d3TbRPPMC1qkxvYgdfRARoXHs
|
b37um1
|
{
"description": "not supporting my friend in her student election campaign",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not supporting my friend in her student election campaign?
|
Here's the deal: My friend ( let's call her J ), is running for a position for our university's student alliance. We're both first years, so we don't have as much experience with campus life as as the average student.
The position is one that basically involves J representing our faculty's voice (social sciences and humanities) at the student alliance level. For some reason, there are four positions for this yet only two people ran. I see J winning anyways as she is running uncontested.
She won't stop talking about this election (signed me up to promote it for her without asking me, even forged my signature, constantly messaging me to post her promo stuff on social media).
I'm worried I'm being an unsupportive asshole because I have been calling J out for her lack of campus life awareness. She doesn't know anything about basic issues pressing students. She didn't know about our student newspaper, our radio station that's shutting down, a referendum taking place during elections regarding bus passes, or a vigil for the Christchurch shooting that happened today. I feel she's simply running because it's an easy win for her, she has a lot of connections and it'll look good on a resume.
Also I agreed to post her flyers on my socials but I went into settings so she's the only viewer of my stories. She has a massive following compared to me anyways and so I thought the difference was negligible.
I feel I'm being insensitive and should support her no matter what as a friend. Sometimes I think I'm not the most empathetic person, is this the case here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
4JIkhsT5yy90GCCjNU6ZTa9fvzlO68X0
|
amiy9j
|
{
"description": "dealing with our asshole ex-roommates my way",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for dealing with our asshole ex-roommates my way
|
I just want an outsiders perspective on things. I will take whatever your guy’s judgement is with no complaint.
So for context, me and my fiancé live alone now bc we can’t stand roommates anymore. The last roommates we had was a couple. The main problem we had with them was that they would leave out their dirty dishes for over a week, leave their food to rot in the fridge for months, and leave their dirty laundry on the dining room table. And when asked politely to clean up their mess they would get hissy and will say something along the lines of “ WHAT DISHES ?!I don’t remember having any dishes.” And because of this they view me as SUCH A BITCH they think my fiancé shouldn’t marry me. That is according to a mutual friend of ours. We think it’s true bc it explains why they have never even acknowledged our engagement.
Also, they tried to bail out of the lease 6 months before it was supposed to end. And since then, they have been such a pain in the ass to deal with to the point we gotten into many fights over it.
Okay now to the issue. I was the master tenant of the last apartment so the whole deposit was sent to me. After looking over the paperwork I was happy to find out that they were getting less than 15% back. We told them that they were only getting x amount bc of services performed only in their room. We did everything by the book so they couldn’t take us to court.They were like okay, and said they wanted the money in check. Check is cut. And we think that is the last time we’ll hear from them. WRONG!
The GF messages my fiancé asking if we combined their deposit. He replies yes and she says “ well that’s wrong. It’s need to be x amount”. I had a lapse in memory and thought I had sent only half the amount and fiancé relays that back to her. Then I frantically pull out the paperwork and realize I was right all along and the bitch was trying to trick us into giving them more money.
He clarified with her again why they only got that amount. And she throws a hissy fit over it. And I tell my fiancé initially he needed to shut her down. Present the fact and say we’re done. I found out he didn’t do that .
She was arguing with him saying “how do you know this service you deducted was only done in our room?”. Fiancé replies “ bc the pictures used for that service is clearly your room”. They argue back and forth like this. And meanwhile, I’m about to damn near tear out my hair out over this. Bc we went over this already with them and this argument was cutting into the very limited quality time together.I asked for his phone and I type in “ We are going off these photos management provided. YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANY MORE MONEY FROM US. WE ARE DONE ARGUING WITH YOU”. And she finally left us alone after that.
Then we get into a fight bc I had essentially “violated” his character. Simply put he’s neutral good and I’m chaotic good . His neutral good causes him to be kind and civil no matter how disrespectful someone is being as a long as it’s not physical. He got mad at me for typing that under his account. And explained to me that she wasn’t being rude yet and that he has a set of protocols before escalating to that type of talk.
I’m a little baffled bc I told him “why didn’t you take your phone away from me. You could have done it any time”. He replies “ well I trusted that you wouldn’t do that”. And I replied “ well I trusted you to shut down the conversation but didn’t”. And he rebuts by saying “ well I was going to but you didn’t let me do it. I had it handled”.
Oh and he also said the reason why he was being so civil with them was so he could earn their trust. So they can say how they really feel about me to his face. So that way he can get really mad and that’s just how he is person. And I’m so perplexed by this bc he admitted many times he hated them and never wanted to talk to them.
Why be civil with them after everything? His neutral good nature causes me to feel like he’s not prioritizing us and not properly defending me as a fiancé. I love him very much and I still do want to marry him.
Sorry for the long wall of text guys. I don’t even know how I would TL:DR this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
jl7M3J2tjHlcOCCeEY00KsUa45j7UFch
|
b5497f
|
{
"description": "not telling my girlfriend that I'm considering moving to another state",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my girlfriend that I’m considering moving to another state?
|
The company I work for is about to offer a round of retirement packages in California. Once they do there will be the opportunity to transfer there. I’m thinking it over, but haven’t made up my mind one way or the other yet. I haven’t told her because if I don’t end up transferring I still want to date her and not torpedo the relationship. I’m just waiting until I’ve made my mind up on it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Y0PA7q6xavZaiuZcBrjjLqS2TWC8kqG0
|
aj9dgc
| null |
AITAH my friend liked me and i didn’t like them back, we are no longer friends
|
my old best friend and i were very close. we spent a lot of days together and sleepovers etc. one day she told me that she liked me and i didn’t know how to respond. i told her i was sorry but i don’t think of her in that way. things were kinda awkward after that, not so much on my part but she started to be a bit weird around me, even sometimes rolling her eyes if we made eye contact or if i said hey. eventually we started to slowly fall off. as i noticed us becoming more distant i didn’t really make an attempt to fix it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
IKiVduDuRX0c9IeV7cZHkDwkIRHOk3HY
|
aykuub
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to put on deodorant",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For telling my friend to put on deodorant?
|
So, I recently had a few friends over. These guys are some of my best friends, and have been for the past 4 years or so. One of them wasn't really smelling too fresh, so I told him to put some deodorant on. I tried to say it as politely as possible, but he looked really hurt and asked me if I was serious. I said yes, and some of my other friends agreed. I had asked him earlier to put some on, but he ignored me. I felt really bad about it, because I didn't say it to hurt his feelings and if I smelled bad I would want someone to tell me.
AITA? I want to say something to him about it because I want him to know that I didn't mean it in a mean way.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
dLUyr2tWnqNPTRjbG4gcI2spwCxOo9ch
|
ak4fe4
|
{
"description": "pushing away the person who's been here for me through a lot because I know I'm wasting their time",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I pushed away the person who’s been here for me through a lot because I know I’m wasting their time?
|
Long story short.. I’ve been dating a girl in and off and we had a kid early on in the relationship. I love them both in my own way but I’ve done a lot of shit to her. And I don’t want to do it anymore.
I’ve been struggling with depression for a long time. I’m a liar and a cheater and I am not changing right now.
Am I doing the right thing by pushing her away? She’s been so loyal but her being her feels like it’s enabling me. I always have someone to come back to. And I’m gonna hurt her really bad by the end of this if I haven’t already.
WIBTA if I ask her to move out and not wait for me. I will still be there for the baby and she and I can absolutely figure that out. But I can’t be there for her right now.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
KlPGAl32lCgGq2hQjHM380dixXOOOXga
|
azmot1
| null |
AITA for tell my Husband to get over hating his commute
|
So this is hypothetical as I would like to do this but have not done it.
My husband works 45 min away from where he works. We live in a small town next to Austin tx and his job is in central-ish Austin. Because traffic is so awful in Austin he will have to leave 1-2 hours early to make sure he gets there on time or leave 3-4 hours early and then just take a nap when he gets there. It sucks yes but it’s Austin and that’s just the way it is.
When we moved to the small town (which happens to make my commute 5min) he was going to be transferred to a different location for his job that would have made his commute 15min. He was promised things by his company and he chose to stay in Austin instead of the new location. It has been 8 month of him making the commute and it is killing him. The promises that were made to him by his company have not played out (don’t get me started on that).
He complains all the time about his commute. He can’t trim the grass cus he’s tried of the commute, he can’t clean up the house because of his commute, he does nothing on his days off because of his commute. Which is obviously taking a toll on our relationship.
I have sympathy for him because I know how awful that commute is but he chose to stay there. I have brought up asking for the original offer again of going to the other location and he does not think that’s an option anymore, there is another location he could transfer to but no spots are open so that’s not an option at this time.
So now he wants us to buy a pop up camper for him to stay in every once and a while when he works wired shifts or he wants to stay in a motel close to his job on those wired days he is to tired to come home. We are Tight on money and don’t have a lot of extra cash.
I want to tell him to get the fuck over it. You chose this, it sucks, stop being a baby and get over it or get a different job. Does that make me an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
vgv4mBIqnDD46EjoKEkVFzhQlaOlp0MB
|
b27uxk
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang with my gf friends at the club",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang with my gf friends at the club?
|
She constantly asks me to hang out with them generally at one of the club's around here, and I don't want to. I've hung out with them before on her bday when we all went out for drinks and I don't have any issues with them. I just really don't like the club scene. I'd rather goto a dive bar and play pool than to a club and dance. I've told her this many times.
So last night same thing happens they ask I decline because just got done moving needed to finish setting my stuff up but bc they all plan to get ruined I drive them to the club. No issue there. I get home finish setting shit up. Few hours later I get told I'm eating with them despite not being hungry despite not being hungry since having eaten earlier. So the entire time they're eating I'm kind of half listening, half in Narnia because they're all drunk. I'm answering any time they talk to me but I'm not adding anything to the convo. Mostly just lost in my own head.
We get home and she asks why I'm so cranky? I say I'm not I just don't wanna go hang out in as restaurant for however long for no reason while I'm not hungry, that the only reason I went was so she wouldn't get upset. She gets seemingly defensive saying I didn't say that explicitly and that I need to learn the difference between her being bummed and upset. And that she just wants to spend time with me.
AITA for all that?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
LEZ2YCcJfWb0XmPFx2vp0YLBrL8XL4fY
|
b0f6b6
|
{
"description": "asking my dad if I could return the guitar he got me for Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my dad if I could return the guitar he got me for Christmas
|
Let me start of by saying that I am very grateful my parents have good enough jobs to buy be presents like they do.
So for Christmas last year my dad got me a guitar. I have only expressed wanting to play guitar once 2 years ago, I have never mentioned it since and I never asked for a guitar. I only ever mentioned it in the first place because he asked me if I were to learn an instrument what would I chose.
When he bought me the guitar I faked excitement and thanked him for the gift. I have tried to play it 5 times and did not enjoy it a single time. It is still in perfect condition and would have close to the original resale value. Lately he has been trying to force me to play it and I have been making excuses to get out of it. It honestly feel like he bought me a chore. If we were to resell it I would be fine giving him the money or using it to buy a cheap keyboard
(an instrument I actually have interest in)
So WIBTA if I told him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
hYbVdaQXYuRrGVLhYnXTed4d6TygxmuH
|
aqnrar
|
{
"description": "no longer wanting to emotionally invest in someone I'm not close with anymore and cutting them off",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for no longer wanting to emotionally invest in someone i’m not close with anymore and cutting them off ?
|
So for some backstory , me and this girl (let’s call Jan) have been friends for about 4-5 years back when we worked at a retail store. We got along pretty well and it made work more bearable (keep in mind i was a teenager at this point so i was probably 17 ) and she was a few years older. She wasnt the type of friend i’d usually have , considering we had very little in common and i thought of her as more like a work friend. Regardless , we still hung out outside of work whenever she asked me and i didn’t see anything wrong with it so i did despite the only thing we had in common was mutual friends so that’s all we talked about. Now in the years that followed , a LOT happened. I went through a period of severe depression after being kicked out of my parents house, dropped out of university after a mental breakdown due to stress , fired from my part time job and was struggling with debt. Eventually i managed to pick myself up and get my shit together , find an apartment and a good stable full time job , but during this time, Jan went off the grid. she was completely incognito and deactivated all her accounts and number so i never heard anything about her. a few years later , i changed as a person and was not the same one from when i was a teenager but Jan resurfaced and acted like nothing had changed, so she started asking me to hang out again and i was reluctant but still agreed because why not. big mistake. she would be constantly spamming my inbox with messages and asking me to hang out multiple times, and because i didn’t want to hurt her feelings i agreed for the most part. i was in my 20s by now but after a lot of turmoil that happened in my life i became more low key and only stuck with my very small group of friends that i’ve known for a very long time because i just didn’t have the emotional capacity or energy to invest in others, and she KNEW this because i told her many times. Back last year up to a couple months, my best friend was struggling severely with alcoholism and suicide, eventually leading me to take care of her because her parents were no better. in the span of the next couple months or so i was so focused on not only getting my friend help and trying my best to keep her stable and on her feet , but also with work (which is emotionally exhausting on its own ) , enrolling to go back to university , and busy paying bills among other things so i barely had time for people., and whenever jan would ask me to hang out, i would always tell her that i needed time because i was so drained from everything that was going on that i needed time for myself. she somehow took this as me purposely ignoring/avoiding her despite me never implying that and got so offended that i didn’t want to spend time with her she would get very pissy with me and not speak to me for days (i told her what was going on in my life so she would understand but i guess she didn’t). now for the days when i agreed to hang out , it was the most shallow and vapid time because all she wanted to talk about was the latest drama with people we knew and she would spill her personal love life and problems onto me and i felt like she wanted me to solve them for her because she would constantly ask me what to do. this was EVERY time we hung out. and whenever i tried to talk about something else or she asked me a question , she would interrupt me halfway through and lose interest right away because then she would start another topic. On my birthday that my friends planned for me , all my close friends were there but Jan was there too because i felt bad and i didn’t want her to take it the wrong way if she wasn’t invited. I shit you not, she was on her phone the entire time and had 0 interest in interacting with any of my friends despite me trying to introduce her to people, and then she tried to get me to leave my own birthday party early for her because she was going to meet up with some rando on tinder to hook up that night and she needed me to let her into my apartment so she could crash. On New years she publicly humiliated her friend infront of her friends because Jan wanted her to go to Jan’s party and when the friend didn’t want to she insulted her and told her to never talk to her again.. Since then over the following months, i’ve been actively avoiding her spam messages about her rants about her fights or problems with people who i haven’t spoken to in years and don’t really care about and she’s been asking me if i’m ignoring her (which she always does even though i say she i’m not) and i tell her the same thing i always do , which is that i prefer my own company right now and i need some space to myself to which she replies that if i like to be alone i must be struggling and that i’m unhealthy and weird for not wanting to spend time with her, then ends with trying to guilt me by saying i can “talk to her when she’s worth my time “in a super passive aggressive way with exclamation marks and all. she has gotten super passive aggressive and very insecure over the years, and to be honest a toxic person to be around. AITA for no longer wanting to invest emotionally in someone i’m no longer close with (or ever was for that matter )? i’ve tried many times to tell her how i was feeling in the nicest way i could but she would always twist it and take it as me hating her and she would get very defensive and start throwing daggers at me.
For some reference , i work 64h a week with troubled kids in the foster system so it’s already a very emotionally and mentally draining job
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
mXkDgCdIG57zPat4xBGbcSFTtDDVwape
|
b71t33
|
{
"description": "thinking the chocolate bar should have been mine",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for thinking the chocolate bar should have been mine?
|
When I was about 14 I went to a vending machine to get a mars bar. There already was a kid there and he was annoyed at the fact he put money in to get one and the twisty thing didn’t turn enough for the mars to come out.
It was on the edge, I said to him, I’m going to get one anyway, I’ll try to get yours out as well.
So I put the money in and selected the same one where the other kids mars bar didn’t come out. The thing twisted, the mars bar came out but unfortunately, another one was replaced in its position, on the edge of dropping.
The guy grabbed this one and claimed it was his, but I argued that it should have been mine since I did him a favour and could have played it safe and got something different.
The kid was much bigger than me so I just left it. But I still haven’t forgot about it to this day.
Who is the rightful owner of the mars bar?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
WZSxUyue83DIQnjWw1Pv4ziyPIspgSGh
|
aw984m
|
{
"description": "not shutting up",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not shutting up?
|
In a small (We're talking 4 people) Discord Friend Group server I'm in, me and the owner often argue over small things where she'll get upset at something I do or say, and whenever I respond to her she'll continue to get more and more angry while the other two try to calm us down (I personally am calm and civilized throughout the whole process while she yells, swears at me, etc.). This particular time, I had officially quit taking her shit and refused to stop arguing when she yelled at me to drop the argument and forget it (which is her way of just shutting me up, in my eyes). After I refused, she called me an asshole and one of the two yelled a lot at both of us to STFU and stop arguing, which I denied and as a result got blocked by the owner and the other guy kept swearing at me for a good bit. This was all yesterday, and as of today whenever she mentions the argue on another server of ours and I reply, everyone yells at me to drop it and shut up.
TL:DR, do you guys think I'm the asshole for replying to the girl being upset instead of just shutting up, doing as I'm told, and letting her do whatever?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
CwdDP3ohQWU8y8kLHCyxqPX7VSUEwbMO
|
akix1t
|
{
"description": "walking on the wrong side of the footpath",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for walking on the wrong side of the footpath?
|
This morning myself, hubby and 3 kids arrived at the beach to meet some family in order to scatter my late Mum's ashes. My youngest, a 9 year old boy with autism and multiple health issues, has trouble walking long distances so I went to walk ahead with my girls.
We don't go often so I forgot about the footpath rules until I noticed the markings on the floor, and was too far to mention this to hubby. About 50 meters away I can hear my son start to wail, and turn to see my hubby comforting him and some cyclist near them stopped briefly before riding off.
I headed back to help calm him down, at which point hubby told me a cyclist had hit my boy then proceeded to yell at them for being on the wrong side of the footpath.
I want to acknowledge that I appreciate why the footpath is designed this way, and how frustrating it can be for cyclists who are constantly blocked by inconsiderate folks. So I acknowledge that my hubby might have been an asshole for not observing his environment better.
But what kind of person hits a kid and then blames the kid, not so much as an apology or concern for his well-being? My hubby and child were on the wrong side, but the cyclist who hit him was going in the same direction and so was technically also on the wrong side. I didn't see if he was on that side because he was overtaking other people, but there wasn't a lot of people around at that time.
I could understand if he showed concern and then politely reminded hubby about the rules, but really if someone is in your way you don't just go ahead and hit them, even if they shouldn't be there.
I was absolutely livid, and kept looking for the cyclist as in my head I was going to clothesline him off his bike and then yell at him for getting in my arms way. Lucky for all of us that I didn't see him again. Are we all assholes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
0FnuPG7ICzDicfVq3FWYLYw4PJ16cWqR
|
b1kn86
|
{
"description": "ending a a friendship in this manner",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA to end a a friendship in this manner?
|
I recently ‘broke up’ with a friend and am not sure how much of an asshole I was.
Some background: ‘Sharon’ is much older than I am and, while sweet, has very little understanding of social norms and boundaries (I only mention her age because she’s in her mid 40s and is pretty set in her ways). I considered her a distant friend but she thinks we are much closer.
I’ve never minded inviting Sharon to parties or seeing her casually, but every interaction is a struggle since she’s always pushing hard for us to be closer. Examples include trying to plan multiple vacations with my family, attempting to pressure me to let her host a baby shower for me, always trying to pull me away from the crowd at parties for long and intense one-on-one discussions, and showing up literally hours early to my house before a planned event because she wants ‘some alone time with me.’ (Yes, I know some of these instances are my fault since I didn’t enact good boundaries).
In the last year I have pulled away hard since she’s seems a little SWF, but I struggled with feelings of guilt since she genuinely isn’t a bad person. So she didn’t feel ghosted, I told her that between my job, husband, children, and extended friends and family, I’m too busy to be regularly in touch.
The break up: A week ago she noticed that I’d interacted with some friends on social media but not with her. She confronted me about that. I summoned a backbone and told her that I had friends and family member to whom I was much closer to than her. And that I deeply resented her monitoring my interactions with other people. And finally, that I needed space from her. Then I deleted her from every social media platform and have been ignoring her multiple texts and calls.
I think in my heart of hearts I used this to excuse to end the friendship since it has gotten so exhausting. I think she is stunned and hurt by this. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
QGq7BS9lXDAtwwYR1nZcP3GuQRnES8fX
|
ab2g7q
|
{
"description": "getting between my ex and his more recent ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA if I got between my ex and his more recent ex?
|
So, to give some background, I (22F) recently started talking to my ex (23M) again after around four years of not speaking, with a brief interval of catching up but not actually seeing each other as we were in different states. My ex, we'll call him K, and I, dated all four years of high school. I broke up with him not long after I started college an hour and a half from him, where he stayed at home and went to community college. I broke up with him for the typical getting out of a high school relationship reasons; I wanted to explore, experience new things, and the distance was too tough. Perhaps I didn't give it enough of a chance once I went to college, and I did have some guilt over it for a while, but overall I think it was the right decision for me and don't regret it.
About a month after the breakup, he started dating J (22F? now). Now, K and I had a great group of friends, with whom we were both very close and my then/current best friend was also extremely close with him, the three of us spent a ton of time together. They remained friends for a bit after he began dating J, though he cut me off almost immediately (understandably so). Then K started to blow off our mutual best friend for J, and when confronted about it just shut down and cut her off too. Shortly after that he cut off the remaining people in that friend group (pretty much all girls). As I recently found out, it wasn't even him cutting them off - J used to go through his instagram and unfollow practically every single girl on his feed. One of our mutual friends in particularly she apparently despised because one of K's friends who had hooked up with her shared a nude of her, to which K didn't even react. Real shitty of K's friend but nothing he or the girl did wrong. Sounds like classic abusive behavior to me, dragging people away from their friends like that for bullshit reasons. At the time I wasn't aware of any of this past what my best friend's situation was.
So fast forward about four years, which they've dated on/off, but mostly on, apparently their breakups didn't last long. I had not talked to him at all while they were dating. Last year he contacts me when I'm living in a different state and says he wants to meet and catch up, and we text back and forth for a while and he expresses interest in coming to visit me and see my family. We talked for a couple of weeks, and plans didn't pan out and I didn't hear from him again. I kind of chalked it up to being busy or him changing his mind about talking to me, and didn't push it, but then found out he was dating J again. Left it alone, not my business, I hadn't seen him in four years, he's an adult, etc.
Now, a few months back, I hear from K again. This time I am living in the same state as him again and so we make plans to hang out. We do and have a great time. We did hook up (no sex, like second base) the second or third time we hung out but I decided I wanted to keep things platonic. We go visit my/his former best friend at work and they connect again too. Our HS friend group takes him out for his birthday in the city. We hang out like 8-10 times over the next few months, which brings us up to the present.
He also tells me about what happened with J. Apparently she cheated on him serially, sucked him dry financially, and was just generally not a nice person to him. He worked 50 hours a week while she sat at her parents house not working and smoking his weed and spending his money. He took her back after the first time he found out she cheated - presumably this was when he contacted me and we were in different states. This time, though, he said he was done and needed to spend time on his own. I fully agreed as the guy had not been single for more than a month since he was 14! The thing that makes it worse imo, is that they were in an open relationship. She was ALLOWED to fuck other people and she still managed to break his trust and lie and cheat. This girl was complete and utter trash, and a totally toxic and manipulative presence in his life.
The last time we talked he said I should come out again to his city to hang, and i'm like okay cool let's make plans next weekend, then he starts ignoring my snaps and texts. I don't think too too much of it until my best friend texts me that she thinks he's dating J again. He's also been ignoring her messages, and unfollowed everyone who took him out for his birthday a month ago on instagram again. I checked my instagram today too and realized he unfollowed me as well, and we also noticed he had begun to follow J again.
I still recognize that he's an adult and can make his own choices, and that it isn't necessarily my business, but I am really worried for him. I've seen how people can be so blinded in abusive and manipulative relationships like that, I thought he had finally turned a new leaf but am afraid he is slipping back into this abusive situation. I thought that he was finally going to reconnect with his old friends and that we could maintain a friendship. I thought he was going to be able to spend some time finding himself.
I just feel like I need to do *something* to stop this but I don't know if what I'm most tempted to do will be appropriate or effective. I really want to message her, possibly anonymously, and tell her that she needs to stay the fuck away from him. That I know how she forced him to cut off all of his female friends due to her toxic and selfish jealousy. That she serially cheated on him and broke his trust over and over. That she was manipulative and abusive to him and everyone knows it. That she has already caused him so much pain and that she needs to fuck off and figure out how to not be an abusive person.
The most sensible thing seems like it would be to talk to him directly about my concerns, but... I'm afraid that it won't be effective, especially coming from me, and even worse, might push him further into her arms. And I also know that he is fully aware of the shit that she did, and so it's not like I'm telling him anything new. But I don't want to hurt him. And I don't want her to hurt him. I care about this kid, we grew up together, and it's so plain to see that this girl will be trouble for him and he knows himself he needs time on his own.
TL;DR recently reconnected with my high school ex (as well as him connecting to other old friends) after his four-year long abusive relationship. Things had been looking up until he started unfollowing all of us on instagram and ghosting us after we all took him out for his birthday, is looking like he might go back to her. I want to tell her to fuck right off because she's abusive, manipulative, and toxic as hell
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
rqXhJCEzhdcoUvxrkPVzY7p3DvxkakXt
|
aves6j
|
{
"description": "thinking my wife should be happy about getting to eat sushi instead of generic steak umms for dinner despite not getting exactly what she wants",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for thinking my wife should be happy about getting to eat sushi instead of generic steak umms for dinner despite not getting exactly what she wants?
|
Yesterday it was the day before payday and I had to gather up loose change to get a decent dinner for the family. Generic steakumms on hotdog buns was on the menu, but my tax refund deposited just as I was leaving the market, so I decided to order some Chinese food and sushi as a treat since we’ve been kinda broke lately.
I inadvertently ordered the sushi stacked on rice for my wife, instead of the sushi rolls that I normally buy for her. I wanted sashimi because I can’t eat rice. Food arrives And I note my mistake, and offer some of my sashimi, despite her wanting fish/rice in a roll form. To me, they are the same thing just in different form, but whatever I give her some of my salmon and tuna leaving me with mostly eel, crab sticks, and the weird white fish that’s kinda rubbery. Not what I like the most but Whatever,I want her to be happy with her food and it seems that she’s ok with this at first but I see she is pouting a little bit, so I ordered what she likes and told her its on the way.
Well this made her mad for some reason, and even though she got what she likes, a little later than the rest of us, and she had food to eat in the meantime, and she didn’t have to eat processed freezer beef paper, she’s still unhappy with me because I didn’t want to give her all of my tuna and salmon, and just suck it up and eat the rice. I should note that I cannot eat rice or I will have digestive issues.
She didn’t eat any of it and hasn’t spoke to me today. She insisted I was being a dick about it by ordering what she likes. I think she should just be happy that she didn’t have to eat steakumms because they’re nasty. I ended up spending $85 bucks on dinner which is enough for 2-3 days of food for the family.
Am I the asshole here? My wife always seems to find something wrong with everything I do, this is just one example.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
Kevc4cjbQq71bTAFNhEL3bJK7CdVHuSv
|
aq3oiy
| null |
AITA for my job choice
|
So I can’t go into great detail here. But I’m in the military and with my specific job it is possible for me to never have to deploy. It’s one of the things that lured me to the particular job in the first place.
There is an element to it that does deploy and when I found out about it I did have an interest in possibly pursing it on down the line.
Some developments in my career made me rethink waiting and trying to get a deployment spot ASAP. Well sure enough, I did. I’ll probably be deploying near the end of the year.
Now here’s the part I’m struggling with. We currently have 2 kids under 2 and may possibly have a third on the way. Before I volunteered for this position my wife and I sat down and talked about it and ultimately she said she would be ok with it. The thing is though I’m away at some pre deployment training right now and when I videochat her daily, I can tell she is having a somewhat rough go of it. Especially since she’s not getting me home at the end of the day to entertain our toddler for a few hours.
I know she said she’d be fine, and she knows what she signed up for, and I guess I signed her up for, but I can’t help feeling that I might be in the wrong here. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
XwuuJ0uwMWTXwNLauAkdfIkKmQfSINc2
|
alkvwz
|
{
"description": "not wanting to play with random other dogs at the dog park",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITAH for not wanting to play with random other dogs at the dog park?
|
My dog loves going to the dog park. We don't have a yard so this is where she gets to run and be crazy. Her favorite thing to do is play fetch. I walk around the park with her picking up balls and throwing them for an hour straight. Several times I've had random people's dogs jumping on us trying to play fetch too. Their owners are always on their phones ignoring their dogs. Thing is, this really annoys me. I don't want to play with these random dogs. I want to play with my dog and get her energy out. AITAH for being annoyed?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
iCj6ShBHxXkEi6E9v8w1oRVhVRsKKqfm
|
ajy46p
|
{
"description": "thinking that if you don't like my coffeehouse's drink, you should offer to pay for another drink",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for thinking that if you don't like my coffeehouse's drink, you should offer to PAY for another drink?
|
Working a closing shift the other evening at the coffeehouse I work at, and a lady comes in and hmmm's about what drink she wants because I tell her we are unfortunately out of hazelnut. I suggest a french vanilla latte because that syrup technically consists of vanilla AND hazelnut flavoring. After making her the latte, her boyfriend brings the drink back to me and very politely lets me know that his girlfriend "isn't the biggest fan of the drink". Being the nice guy I am, I gladly make her a new drink to try (a cafe mocha this time) without charging them for the drink. However, I can't help but feel that they are assholes for not offering to pay for the drink. If you don't like something you purchase I believe it is common sense that it's not the businesses fault you didn't like THAT particular flavor, and *you* therefore should have to pay for another drink. AITA for feeling that way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
gfRjsTpqEsKF4VUf1hCcksWR1vWpcSVE
|
b9jpe4
|
{
"description": "asking for some gas money",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking for some gas money
|
I'm kinda irritated by this so here we go...
I'm going with a club at my college to a formal event that's about 30 miles from campus, I offered to drive people cuz I have a car and I prefer to drive myself rather than have someone else drive. Anyway I asked the club if they'd be paying for gas for the drivers or not because if not I was going to pick up some shifts at work to pay for it, they never responded and now it's 2 days before the event and I probably have enough to make it, but I'd rather have a little extra than not enough. Anyway I asked the other people riding with me to chip in 10 bucks so I'd have enough for the 60 miles round trip, the first person was fine with it but the other guy complained making the joke that we were going to Kentucky... I didn't think 10 bucks was a lot to ask for when an Uber 1 way is 30 bucks and I'm doing the full round trip for free. Now I'm getting shit for it so am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
QD2YqDYL8TxuqIAxy9sfzQb3TDOT2Spk
|
a804ya
|
{
"description": "wanting to cut off with a guy who ignores all my attempts at communication",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to cut off with a guy who ignores all my attempts at communication ?
|
Here is some contest : https://www.reddit.com/r/helpmecope/comments/a6zgt3/im_f20_actively_fucking_my_new_relationship_up/?st=JPWV2BF2&sh=8770f53e
Look, I know I’ve fucked up. It’s normal the guy is upset, and it shows : we’re talking about one-word replies and several hours between each replies
But the thing that bugs me is every time I ask him if our situation is permanent, he either ignores me or waits for me to send another unrelated text to reply, ignoring the first text.
I’m not forcing him to forgive me. He can tell me he’s forever done with me or that he’s still figuring out what to do. The problem is not here. The problem is he willfully ignores the question, while replying to the other texts. That bothers me : you either continue to talk to me casually while attempting to repair whatever relationship we have, or you don’t talk to me at all. I’m not just here to ask how your day was, and I find it honestly shitty to expect this of me
So I texted him that I would like to know if I have a chance to make up with him, and that I deserve a honest answer. He has the right not to reply as well, but this time he shouldn’t expect me to stick around. AITA for this ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
m49BXa5ssdSNvqVUbrpyUgLJpuwGzoXJ
|
ax05nh
|
{
"description": "being hurt that my friends still hang out with someone that was awful to me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being hurt that my friends still hang out with someone that was awful to me
|
So to briefly explain, I was hurt pretty badly by my girlfriend in eighth grade and it really screwed me up (I'm a girl as well btw). But what screwed me up more was when people didn't believe me or believed me and just brushed it off. I always tried my best to understand their side of things though and never told anyone how I felt because I'm scared to hurt anyone. (I'm not going to provide any details about the situation because of the subreddit rules but I'll say it was serious enough for the law to get involved) Here's the story begins:
So years after this shit happens I'm talking to my friend and their partner, and I find out that they're actively hanging out with the girl that did this to me. Not just actively hanging out, but supporting her way more than they supported me. I felt absolutely crushed by this, as these people had seen me go through hell trying to escape that whole situation and I really thought they cared for me. I didn't say a thing about it because it's not my right to question people's actions, but I just felt like absolute shit knowing that I have fuckin PTSD from this girl and my friends are feeling all buddy-buddy with her. Am I absolutely being an asshole and overreacting or is this justified, it's been bothering me for some time now and I just feel guilty.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
eyDsgfaqcTMaVysZlzYhFOD1cMKzg6jD
|
au7oz1
|
{
"description": "not wanting to lose my ex and best friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to lose my ex and best friend?
|
This story actually is way too long but I will try to tell it shortly as much as I can.
Me(20) and this girl(20) were together for some time but we really had a different connection. We both can understand each other even in the deepest conversations. Last summer she broke up with me when I was overseas. I had really really hard times when I was a child but this time I had similar traumas again. Not only about her but also about my own life. Made many mistakes because I was depressed and couldn't sleep for very long time and still can't. We fought a lot after the broke up because I couldn't get over things that a normal person would. I really think she is the one for me but I also know she is not a person for serious relationships. She really cares for me still as a person. She even would like to sleep with me but she says she can't be my partner. I live in a place where I can be attractive because I have not the suitable social skills for the people where I live. But somehow she has and now she is in place for a few months more where she can spend time with probably any guy she want and I respect that. I am not jealous or something but she knows she can distract herself this way and I can distract myself only with alcohol. The problem is I want her in my life as a person who really understands me and makes me feel alive and well but AITA for not being able to stay as just friends?
She is okay with staying good friends and help each other at hard times but I still have huge feelings for her and she knows that.
I think I am the a-hole here in my opinion. What do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
rddRWutkiAE9WNUd9p31U6eiOg6ajFYC
|
areyzi
|
{
"description": "getting angry with my friend for blowing me off most of the day even though shes staying AT MY HOUSE",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting angry with my friend for blowing me off most of the day even though shes staying AT MY HOUSE?
|
Okay! So! First time poster. This just happened and I really need to vent and see if I'm wrong for getting angry. I'll change some names in case this is seen anywhere. You see, me and my best friend who we'll call Choob, have been friends for about 8 years - she's the very closest I've had. Strong friendship, and we've been through a lot. Even though we live 20 minutes from each other as of late with life getting in the way, on top of the general lack of motivation that comes with mental issues, we see each other once every two or three months. This weekend was our meetup. Two weeks prior, Choob's mom (who I call mom) asked us to take her Valentine's weekend since they were going out of town. Choob is old enough to stay home alone by herself, but I guess she wanted her to be in trusted company, whatever, haven't seen her since the beginning of January so I'm down!
This weekend we also had the county fair. We were going to go Friday, but she just recently got a new boyfriend. I was not going to third-wheel. I called up another friend of mine from High School to ask if she had any plans that Friday, and I hadn't seen her since before Christmas break. She said she couldn't but she WAS going to SeaWorld that Friday and offered me her free ticket. Choob has a SeaWorld pass. I clear it with her and we instead go to SeaWorld and say we'll go to the fair Saturday.
Now SeaWorld was the best. Hadn't been there in 12 years! Also met up with another friend of mine and HS Friend's. Loved Mako and Manta. We stayed until closing, and after my HS Friend went home, and other friend decides he wants to continue hanging out so we go see the Prodigy (great movie, ass ending). The day was very eventful.
Now onto Saturday. We stay in bed for a good while before knocking out some chores. We both mutually decide we're exhausted from yesterday's festivities and we no longer want to go to the fair. Which is totally fine. We spend time hanging out and since it was going to be her and her boyfriend that were going to the fair, I suggest they meet at the park down the street so they can at least spend time together. I wouldn't want to keep her from her boyfriend, new relationships (her first real legitimately good one), puppy love, honeymoon phase and all that - I've been there. They do, and I just tell her to text me so I know she's okay because I get concerned. She leaves at around 2:30, I suggest getting back around 4-4:30, so we can still do things and she'll have hung out with him. Eventually, my step dad (stepnub) and I are hungry and we want food. She's no longer answering me, and I try to call her. Twice. She ignores my phone calls. Twice.
I text her to answer her phone, and she responds "uhh" as if I'm bothering her. I explain we're going to get food and I'm trying to ask what she wants. She gives me a vague response (it's subway, didn't tell me the bread cheese or if she wanted it toasted, had to wing it) - I expected we would go get her so she could come with. But she doesn't. At this point I'm annoyed because my stepnub is here wanting to buy food for us and she couldn't be bothered to tell me what exactly she wanted, and didn't text me until *hours later*. After we had already got home.
She texts me, asking if I care *if she now goes to the fair*. I'm completely blown away. She ignores my calls, my texts, doesn't thank us for the food, and now she's asking if she can go to the fair? Clearly she already had her mind made up at this point.
She comes back to my house and asks me if I'm angry at her. I'm not one to sugarcoat and I was livid. I immediately told her that I was, and she seems surprised and asked me why, and then gets to apologizing over and over saying she didn't want me to be angry with her, while continuing to get ready (which nullified the apology for me). I try to explain to her why I'm angry. I told her you can't just blow me off while you're staying at my house for your boyfriend of a week. That just seems plainly disrespectful to me. I also ask her why can't they just go tomorrow when she isn't at my house since I'm not going to the fair. No legitimate answer other than another friend of hers wanted to go, other than that just some more stuttered apologies and asking me not to be angry with her. And then she leaves with the food we got her, and mumbled a half-assed apology to my stepnub who's absolutely blown away that she's treating our home like a, "flopper house", as he put it.
She's at the fair now with them. I completely understand time with friends, but she has already gone to the fair once with her boyfriend earlier this week. I don't understand the need to go again, and blow me off, sitting here, stirring in my own anger over what she just pulled on me. My stepnub is absolutely fuming over this.
​
As I finished typing this my mom has now found out and her mother has been called. Her parents aren't happy. Will probably update. I really need to know AITA for all this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Rqo4BZayB3QJhb2wRYdb7RRPol4QfWAq
|
aq20yc
|
{
"description": "asking to borrow a necklace",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I asked to borrow a necklace
|
Would I be an asshole if I asked to borrow one or my girlfriends necklace? I bought 2 from a gift shop down south so my gf and I could have matching necklaces but a couple of months later mine broke. Would I be rude and inconsiderate if I asked to borrow it since it tied some of my outfits together
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
2bqFgl2M127YLVzvbLpkOwC4qGwHPLDU
|
albsj7
|
{
"description": "cutting out my high school friends out of my life because my so did not get invitation to one of their wedding",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for cutting out my high school friends out of my life because my SO did not get invitation to one of their wedding?
|
This happened many years ago but it has bothered me bit every now and then.
I had these friends I had known for 8 years. It was mixed group from my friends from elementary school and high school. During and after high school we pretty much spent all our free time either drinking/partying/hanging out or playing games online with this group.
Somepoint one of them decided to get married. I had known him from elementary school and her bride ever since their whole relationship.
For me weddings have always been family party. In my family it is given that any SO someone has is also invited. Weddings are all about love, parthership and family so in my family it is considered extremely rude to excludes other peoples family members. The invitation to the wedding did not have avec on but I never thought anything about it.
When we were having bachelors party for my friend the topic of brining SOs to wedding came up. It was then when I realized that my SO isn't invited, but everyone elses is.
It really hurt me. At this point I had dated this girl for 3 years and lived together with her for 1 year. She was and still is very much essential part of my life.
If I had dated this girl only a short time and if we hadn't lived together I would have totally understood why she wasn't invited. However girlfriends of other people who they had dated way shorter and didn't even live togheter were invited so it made no sense to me exclude her. I only saw it as an way of an insult for whatever reason to not include her.
I also understand that especially for brides weddings are one of the most important days in their life. It is their party and they can invite whoever they want.
Anyway, after giving it thought after the bachelors party I decided to decline the wedding invitation. There is no way I could go to a wedding without my SO who I will probably spent rest of my life with. It would be too disrespectful towards her. I wished them best in their life and I have not contacted anyone on that group since or no one from that group has contacted me.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
LymLLFaFL65kzXUxbQNkCoOQ5J4gq1fC
|
b5d6ra
| null |
AITA: Toxic Friendship
|
I have a friend, we have been very close all of our friendship (half of our lives) and basically know things about eachother not even our SOs know. And can make decisions based on the other's opinion.
I had known for some time that he had a problem with a colleague about the colleague's attitude and general behaviour. He would taunt him in front of others, throw fake accusations and call them jokes, try to instigate fights as a middle man and basically all the cliché toxic behaviour. My friend confronted him in Dec and told him to stop his BS altogether and not to interact with him like that. He was straight forward so there was no room for confusion.
The next day the colleague comes up to my friend and acts all normal lime nothing had happened and talked like they they were best buds and even asked for a ride somewhere. My friend and his other nicer colleague were dumbfounded as to what was happening. He was told face to face to stop the bullshit but that hadn't worked even a bit.
So after about 3 months he texts me today and asks to call about something imp. I said okay and he told me how he was done with him and couldn't just ignore his antics anymore and was getting stress on top of all rhe normal life stress. He wanted to beat the shit of him and even came close today but that other nicer colleague stopped him. He asked for advice and I told him to confront him in front of everyone and if then he's still not changed then he can beat him up. Hell, I join in beating him up, I have nothing against the guy but my friend means more to me than almost everyone (SO and immediate family come here).
But my friend thinks confronting him would just make him seem vulnerable and weak and not fit to handle some banter as my friend does most of the bantering in the group. Not harmful but banter anyways. The group of colleagues are all closely knitted and spend alot of time outside of work too. They joke around like most guys but I know its always just for fun and no bad intentions are there.
But that colleague has a different vibe and everyone can sense it. He's one of those people you know is always upto something no good. Everyone knows that type and had one in life at some point of their lives. And even though I don't agree with my friend but I know he has no real friends at work or any place else. I meet them often and I know this so this is not a guess.
I gave my friend my two cents but I want more opinions to show him what to do and learn myself as well as I cut off relations with a friend when he betrayed me. We talk but only about something imp as we have mutual friends. I just want to know AITF for this advise I offered?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
vrZ31JgAD2pOvaBzH0nAAE0jYQ1JsuHS
|
arxmtk
|
{
"description": "wanting to take care of a dog",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to take care of a dog?
|
A girl I‘m going out with (who is, to be honest, more a Friends with Benefits than my girlfriend, as I don‘t want a relationship), just moved out of her parents house into her own place.
She has plenty of income, and felt that she was feeling lonely at her new place. She used to have a cat with an ex of hers, but her ex decided to kidnap it, and she hasn‘t been able to see it since or had any opportunity to keep her. She likes cats.
I‘m allergic to cats. I love them, but I‘m very allergic to them. I love dogs, and she knows this as whenever we go out on the street, she sees my excitement whenever we see one.
​
She‘s been looking to adopt for a few weeks now, and has been telling me she wants to get a dog \*and\* a cat. That way they can play with each other and not be lonely when she‘s out to work. I love the idea, but I‘m scared of being too allergic to the cat, so as not to come to her place a lot in order to avoid the allergies.
Three days ago, she tells me theres this pet store very near my place, just as I‘m leaving her house. I tell her let‘s go over there and check out what they have.
We see the puppies and the cats. We take out a few of the cats to see what my reaction is, and at first I‘m okay, but after a bit I start getting an itchy throat and runny nose. She likes the Sphinx and tells me it probably wont affect me as much as it doesn‘t have any hair, but as we tried, it did give me a reaction. This whole time, I‘m trying to tell her to get whatever she likes, as I‘m not gonna be the owner, and I don‘t want to affect her choice of a pet. She tells me she doesn‘t mind, and asks me what my choice would be (a dog or a cat), knowing well what my answer was. I try to tell her I don‘t want to affect it, but it‘s true that puppies are not so easily found in shelters, and a cat would be a bit easier to get.
After a bit, she decided to get a 5 moth old husky. I‘m noticeably excited, and she signs all the documents, pays, and we go out. I go back home, she takes the puppy to her place.
As soon as she gets there, she starts texting me how overwhelmed she feels about the dog, as it‘s very scared, and she didn‘t know she had to teach her everything from going to pee outside to even walking inside her place and up and down the stairs. She tells me she now can see a cat would be much easier, and a dog wouldn‘t give her the love she wanted to feel, but a cat would.
​
We start looking for options. Going back to the pet store and getting a cat (but the money for the dog wouldn‘t be refunded or count for the other purchase), taking her to a shelter to get adopted, or selling her online on a forum.
Today, I proposed this idea: I‘ll take care of the dog. Go over to her place twice a day, take her out on walks, train her, watch for her and take her to the vet any time she needs. That way she can at least try out what having a dog is, maybe the puppy would be more comfortable after a bit and give her the love she needs. She can also get a cat from a shelter and have the best of both worlds, without the responsibility of taking care of the dog.
​
She tells me I‘m being an asshole cause I‘m the one who wanted to have a dog, and I‘m trying to force her into having one even though she doesn‘t want one. I obviously would love to have one. I can‘t take one as my roommates wouldn‘t allow me to, but I don‘t know what to do. Taking her to a shelter would probably get her a new home fairly quickly as she is a beautiful puppy and she‘s very quiet and shy, but I honestly wouldn‘t like to let her go, precisely because of that. I‘m telling her it‘s clearly her decision, and I don‘t want to affect her if she wants to donate her, but at the same time I don‘t want her to lose all that money and lose the beautiful pet she just got. Am I being an asshole? What should I be doing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
AwrjALw6cNbc2HFMuL8aH5Bf6VpO7yCJ
|
amjlyo
|
{
"description": "potentially getting my family sick",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for potentially getting my family sick
|
I am 14, and for the past week and a half I have had a cough. My 17 year old brother, who I love, decided to go to my cousin's (17-18) house without asking me about three days ago. At first I thought it wasn't that much of a big deal, but after that day he went to his friend's house and brought my cousin back home with him. I wanted to hang out with him, but they both told me to get out of their room because they didn't want to get sick. I feel like they are trying to shove me away for whatever reason. Am I the A-hole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
abwYvGFo5yOGEDqNbOGg8znY1ePaydra
|
av7rhq
|
{
"description": "telling my mom to stop bringing up trips I went on with exes in casual conversation",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my mom to stop bringing up trips I went on with exes in casual conversation?
|
So, for background and backstory, I'm 33 and single currently.
When I was 22, my boyfriend at the time surprised me with a trip to Vegas to visit a certain aquarium (not sure if I can name things here) on Valentine's Day. We lived in Arizona, so this was a pretty big deal. We actually hopped on a plane in the morning, and spent the day in Vegas, then hopped on another plane back that night. Yeah, it was pretty awesome, but it was 11 years ago and the dude and I didn't even date for that long. (He broke up with me, starting liking the ex of one of his other friends, long story, whatever). We only dated like 4 months.
Then when I was 28, the guy I was dating at the time had tickets to Coachella. He always bought two when they went on sale, with the intention of selling the extra for profit, but since we were dating at the time, he gave it to me and I paid for most of the gas on the road trip to California. We also didn't last long. About 6 months. That trip put a lot of stress on our already not that great relationship, and he turned into not that great of a guy. Not the place to talk about it though.
So, to this freaking day, if Vegas is brought up in casual conversation, my mom just has to chime in with the fact that these two things happened. I've expressed how uncomfortable I am with it multiple times, but she doesn't get it.
For instance, I was out it dinner with my parents and my aunt and uncle and their significant others. My aunt mentioned that her daughter (my cousin) is going to Vegas for the first time with her husband. This conversation immediately followed.
Mom: oh! Vegas. (My sister) had her bachelorette party in Vegas! Motosurf has actually been there a few times!
Me: yeah, I have. We don't have to bring that up.
Mom: I'm not saying anything! An ex boyfriend of motosurf actually brought her there on Valentine's day! She's actually gotten a few great trips and things from exes!
Me: yeah, we don't have to talk about it.
Mom: it's fine! One ex also took her to Coachella! She's had so many great experiences with ex boyfriends!
Me: so many, yet none of them stuck!
I then whispered to my mom that she didn't have to mention this every time Vegas was brought up. She got huffy and told me she didn't do that and has been a bit short with me since then.
Should I feel like an asshole for telling her to freaking quit it?
Tl;dr years ago I went on trips with short lived exes and my mom keeps bringing it up in casual conversation. I told her to stop and now she's huffy about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SLbp5DQALUBA7KjPPxzb1yv5nPaihgLE
|
atmu3y
|
{
"description": "not letting my FIL bring his dog over to my house",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my FIL bring his dog over to my house?
|
This happened two weeks ago. My SIL was in town staying with us and my FIL wanted to come over the next day for lunch. He told my wife he wanted to bring his new (he’s had the dog for a few months now) dog over so SIL can “see” him. My SIL has already met the dog over Christmas break, and informed us then that the dog was tinkling on the carpet out of nervousness. The subject of FIL coming for a visit back then with the dog was discussed and my wife and I decided to not let him bring it.
Now, we have a dog of our own. I’m not a dog person but my wife and kids finally convinced me to get one (after about two years of discussions and numerous promises to train the dog properly and make sure it meets my criteria) and she’s great, but I still don’t really like other dogs. We’ve had other dogs over before, once when some family showed up for a visit with their dog in tow, and again when other family was in town and they had no other option but to bring it. That’s it. My wife, SIL and FIL are all aware of my feelings on the matter.
So I told them no, the dog can’t come over but FIL can. My wife and SIL gave me a lot of grief for that and continued to pressure me to let him bring it. They said since we’ve had other dogs over I shouldn’t have a problem with it. I reminded them that the first time was a surprise and the second time was a “need” situation, where my FIL simply “wants” to bring his dog. My FIL is rather entitled and I explained to them I felt a visit from his dog would open the floodgates to him to bring it every time he visits, which wife and SIL agree that’s something he would do, but still were upset that I wouldn’t relent and just let FIL bring it. This isn’t the first time FIL has tried to get me to allow his dog over here, and I feel I shouldn’t have to keep explaining my opinion and repeatedly tell him “no.” AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7bhDCt2TmNTBPRYKnIkE7IvRRvUJ68Ai
|
b1umml
|
{
"description": "getting at mad at my mom for talking about her student's traumatic poem",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting at mad at my mom for talking about her student’s traumatic poem?
|
Background: i’m on my school’s competing poetry team. we’re a group of six who work by picking poems from the competition’s anthology and writing responses. then we will compete in a state competition.
so i got back from practice really excited. a lot of our poems are looking great and we have some performances coming up next week. i was telling all my mom this and she started talking about how she had a student (my mom is a high school counselor) who she had to do an assessment on because she wrote an inappropriate response poem about her mental health. my mom was saying how the teacher tried to remove the inappropriate poems from the choices and how she was upset that the poem was in the anthology in the first place. and maybe she’s right but poetry can get heavy and i’m not the one who chooses the poems. however i’m also wondering why the teacher didn’t check the poems first before kids performed.
after my mom finished her sentence i got up and left. she asked why i was leaving and i said “because this conversation is over?” later my mom yelled at me saying “i brought it up because it was traumatic for me so i don’t appreciate you punishing me!”
really though, i’m mainly upset because she’s telling me about this incident with her student AGAIN. i feel like i can’t talk about my passion without her basically criticizing the competition i work hard to be in. and she talks about it when i’m being excited and happy. it feels like she isn’t listening to me.
i also don’t think she should be telling me, another high school student (although at a different school), about a private incident that happened with her student, even though my mom didn’t use a name. if i were that student i’d be really pissed to hear my counselor was telling my personal business to her daughter.
idk though sometimes i know i can be pretty insensitive and stubborn without knowing it. it’s definitely a flaw of mine.
so AITA who should cut my mom some slack or can i rightfully ask her to stop?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
qe1de9LSUAfVw3x4VDyKUxNHK3TsJMuV
|
atxjwp
|
{
"description": "Kinda wanting to break up with my great gf for essentially no reason",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Kinda Wanting to Break up with my Great GF for Essentially No Reason?
|
In late 2017 I ended a very long relationship (several years). It look me a few months to even sort-of get over that, eventually hitting the dating scene in like eight months later, even though it was still tough.
I messed around with some people and loved being single, but after being a bit of a ho for only two/three months I met a really great woman who I’ve been dating ever since.And she’s \_genuinely\_ great, no bullshit here.
​
But I just really don’t know if being in a relationship is what I want.I often want to be “free” in a way that you just can’t be in a relationship, I want to sleep around (I will not cheat on her, never have on anyone and never will), etc.But I don’t know if I really want these things, or if it’s just my dick and some immaturity talking…they feel like “bad” reasons for ending what’s otherwise a great and fulfilling relationship with a great, healthy, clean, sane person who I look forward to being around.
​
And when I think of leaving her it really bums me out. Both because I wonder about being lonely, missing her, and also because she \*really\* loves me. She’s expressed it and it’s obvious, and I think breaking up with her would really surprise her and deeply, deeply hurt her. She’s also got few friends in the area and whatnot, no family (she only recently moved here), and so I just think about her being all alone dealing with this and it fucking crushes me.Am I the asshole for feeling this way and considering throwing away a rare thing—a good relationship—for immature and base impulses/desires?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
MJfwbqzIxRPcRR23TZmeI0Gj7wHiIwPY
|
a4k9h3
|
{
"description": "throwing a banana skin into a thick bush in a world heritage site",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for throwing a banana skin into a thick bush in a world heritage site.
|
AITA for throwing a banan skin into a bush in the havasuipai falls in america? I was sight seeing in a world known natural wonder and I ate a banana. There were no bins around me, and I threw the banana skin into a thick bush. My friend says I'm an asshole for throwing it saying that if everyone did that it would cause visual pollution. I didn't know a banana skin takes so long to decompose; however, I think its alright to be part of the small population that disposes inedible fruit portions in the wild as I didnt throw it in a visible place and it will decompose.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
9WXtEqvhhdkL7cPDYABMcwYQN86AWqrW
|
b6bv1p
|
{
"description": "being upset my friend led me on for 3 months",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset my friend led me on for 3 months?
|
I’m a male and i’ve had this female friend for about 5 years, we have been just friends for this entire time, with no drama or issues, we’d talk occasionally and worked together but never really hung out cause she has a bf off and on that whole time.
Well it started to get weird when she broke up with her bf, had to move out and she was really beaten up about it all, so naturally we would talk about all the issues she had( he’s addicted opiates and alcohol and is always really messed up kinda sad to see honestly).
2 months ago we started talking kinda regularly, and going to dinners/wine outings etc, and we usually both vented about our romantic lives, and during these conversations, she would frequently give me lots of compliments, like telling me she thought i was very smart, and interesting, and attractive physically. and after a couple of times chilling she’d ask me about my one night stands and say she wishes she could just have a friend that she could be close with physically but not have all the commitment
after bringing this up to me multiple times, and telling me things like she thought i was special and she cared about me a lot, i of course like an idiot started to develop feelings
similar conversations happened and whenever i implied i had feelings for her she implied the same things back, eventually i just opened up about and said that i had feelings for her, and she thought it was sweet and in that very moment she said ‘I care about you too’ and I was ‘special to her’
We’ve been kinda fighting awkwardly this whole week because she told me she’s moving back in with her ex, and she thinks i’m being unreasonable to be upset and let down by the news.
I’m hurt because i feel like she expressed that she cared about me too in response to me saying i cared about her, but when i meant real special feeling, she meant ‘just as a friend’?
I’ve never been told before that calling someone special and saying you care about them means ‘we are just friends’
We are going to talk about this all pretty soon, I really care about this woman, not just as someone I want to be with but the friendship is really important to me and she says it is to her too, but she also doesn’t seem to care that i’m upset and doesn’t even see how what she said could have been misleading..
AITA for thinking she had feelings for me and being sad she doesn’t?
Does this sound like i’m being led on? or am i leading myself on? I can’t tell
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
1gVed1KTOtdZ7Elw6snWJHZq0uQUtg7c
|
aj92k4
|
{
"description": "ignoring my ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ignoring my ex?
|
So the way we broke up is quite comical. I was just playing videogames and my now ex texted me saying "we should just be friends." I replied with "ok" and said it was for the best (I was planning on breaking up with her after finals). Then she text back "what was a good decision?" And it turned out her shitty friend texted me that on my ex's phone to me to stir drama and so I had to break up with her again.
We also have the same math class so it's a little awkward. But I am still nice and say hi.
So now everyday I get Instagram dm's and posts say I miss you, I love you, and I also get huge texts with why she loves me and they sound like she wants to get back together. We actually talked in person about it but she still hasn't stopped. This is my first real relationship and I'm not sure how to answer those texts, so AITA for ignoring her texts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
0l2Yoz2mAR6MeE5ulQUPuQQlDATGC4Tu
|
ay68gf
|
{
"description": "forgetting my boyfriends costume",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for forgetting my boyfriends costume?
|
Hi, this happened a year ago on World Book Day and we’re still happily together but this has just popped up in my head again and I think I may have been in the wrong.
So my boyfriend and I are both teachers and when World Book Day comes around we dress up as a character from a book. So last year we both had animal ears and a tail to be the same character at our separate schools. However when the day came his school was closed due to snow and they decided to reschedule. I took in his costume for a coworker without one (with his permission) and tidied them away at school when the day was finished (the children would wear the ears during their play time).
His World Book Day was rescheduled for weeks later. He told me at the time when it was supposed to be but didn’t really mention it after that- until the night before when he asked for the costume. I told him I’d left it at school and he was really annoyed. I said if he’d wanted to wear it he should have reminded me to bring it home because I’d completely forgotten about his World Book Day. He said because I’d taken them into school it was my responsibility to bring them home and he didn’t need to remind me. It was a minor spat and in the end we cobbled together and made him a Diary of a Winpy Kid costume and it was all fine.
At the time I thought it was his responsibility to remind me because it had been weeks since it had been mentioned but now I’m kind of thinking that if I’d taken them into work I should have brought them home for him. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
J2hj01avYPANGaLnaGF6uxXvfPQQ3zim
|
b0tv6a
|
{
"description": "not letting the cat drink out of the bathroom sink",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not letting the cat drink out of the bathroom sink?
|
So the gf has an elderlyish cat (not sure of the exact age) that likes to drink from a running source of water. The cat had one of those fountain bowls, but it broke, and thus the argument. The gf thinks it's appropriate for the cat to drink out of the bathroom sink, licking the spout, butt on the counter. I find this...gross. My gf chalks it up to me being mean to the cat. Admittatedly I am sometimes. I kick it out of bed when I'd rather be more comfortable ect. But I feel this crosses a sanitary line, and sanitation is more important than the cat's preferences. So...AITA? Or is this a reasonable line to draw?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
ndei4bwsASUbliaeEa3MGVQOvloGuvOE
|
as2trs
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to stop talking shit so loudly about the bartender (a friend of mine) when we're at a bar",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for telling my friend to stop talking shit so loudly about the bartender (a friend of mine) when we're at a bar?
|
My group of friends and I go to the same restaurant/bar a few times per week. To say we're regulars is kind of an understatement. It used to be just a few us who went (we worked nearby) but have since expanded our Friday night crew to include other friends. The "core" group knows the bartenders really well. We go to each others' weddings, baby showers, etc. Bottom line: These workers are more than just "our bartenders," they're our friends, too.
Our "non core" group of friends is always respectful and amicable to these workers, but haven't really jumped the gap from friends of friends...to their friends. No drama or anything, but there's only so many people you can be close with, ya know?
One friend, we'll call "Steve," is part of the "non core" group of friends. I've known Steve for almost 20 years- we go way back.
The other night at the bar, one of the new bartenders "Carl" was working. Carl used to work at this restaurant years ago (way before Steve started coming up). While working his new job, he still came into the bar often to visit, but had never met Steve. Carl as a person is... a wonderful friend. Carl as a bartender is....not the best. He's still in his first few shifts behind the bar (used to serve) It takes him a little extra time for drinks and doesn't dish out price breaks the way other bartenders do. No biggie. He's learning. We tip him the same (30%) as other bartenders. I can see how other people could get frustrated though.
Our problem begins with Steve. He doesn't like Carl at all. He complains that Carl is too slow, too hipster and too stupid to figure anything out. I've never noticed anything wrong about Steve's food or drink orders- just that he's slow to get drinks, charges full price and sometimes uses the wrong glassware (but same volume of drink).
Before, Steve only quietly mentioned his irritations from the other side of the room at a table, out of earshot of Carl. However, that changed when we were sitting at a closer table la. After a few drinks, Steve started talking louder than normal. I wasn't sure if Carl could hear or not, but I was VERY embarrassed to say the least. No one else at our table really seemed to notice Steve talking- we had all been drinking except me (DD for the night.) I could tell Steve would have been a dick if I told him to lower his voice, so I didn't say anything and changed the subject.
Would I be the asshole if I privately told Steve that his behavior wasn't cool and to not do it again? I'm glad that situation kind of resolved itself, but I don't want to repeat itself. I especially don't want Carl thinking that we don't like him or are supporting him while he learns a new job.
TL;DR- Friend A and Friend B don't know each other. Friend A and I are at a bar while Friend B is the bartender who isn't great at his job. WIBTA if I told Friend A to to lower his voice while he talking shit about Friend B/bartender's work skills?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
8pwX1mn8PkMaJx7bcYUNC5MGU3PRywIn
|
aaxahd
|
{
"description": "yelling at a friend for messing up my progress on games",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for yelling at a friend for Messing up my progress on games
|
I went to a hockey event with my team and I had to room with my friend and his brother (also on my team) when we were there I put MY switch on the dock that I also brought to charge it. When I went out with my other teammates he stayed in the room went on MY switch and played MY games without asking me first. When i noticed I started yelling at him. I wouldn’t let it go and kept hinting at how mad I was for the next day until we left.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
kzlx4wZkEkucb12TuFA3Pi9SBBUaHx1u
|
avcc4a
|
{
"description": "linking someone to their Facebook profile",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for linking someone to their Facebook profile
|
Recently I joking sent a link to some rando on imgur I was talking to in the comments that's a link to a Facebook profile that doesn't exist so it redirects you to whatever is logged in, they thought I was harassing them and digging up their information and even after I told them it was a joke and explaining what I did they still swore at me and made me feel bad, I've apologised several times but I've just been reported and blocked each time I try to apologise.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Uey3qLfzg8SdY9ZfhQazHKSe7PKSjgKx
|
ah29uo
|
{
"description": "saying an opinion on someone \"behind his back\"",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for saying an opinion on someone "behind his back"?
|
Bit of a backstory first; basically my best (female) friend dates my once best friend (male obv) and she called me yesterday midnight that she feels like he acts weird when hes around his friends and that he like ignores her and they argue a lot when he is around other friends. And i said that yeah i noticed that too that he is acting weird when he is around his friends. Now i got message from him that i am such an asshole, because of saying that. AITA ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
V0FV6e0OkoB0SvcHD7rcJtdDMBeaE6SR
|
alycwn
|
{
"description": "smoking pot",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for smoking pot?
|
I have enjoyed smoking marijuana in different amounts in different phases of my life - I experimented (once in a blue moon) with pot and some other halucinagens, as well as alcohol, all while in high school. In college, I smoked semi-daily (like maybe 3-5days a week) and drank considerably more. Senior year of college I was working nearly full time while going to school so I binge drank less, but still regularly drank and still smoked daily (like, daily).
Now about 5 years out from graduation, I would say my smoking and drinking is similar to my senior year of college, but slightly declined. I've recently been cutting back on alcohol, but its really for weight gain (beer).
I was a solid student, missed homework assignments and compensated with high test scores, went on to play a college sport and get a STEM degree, like I mentioned worked nearly full time my senior year and had a solid job right away.
I'm now debt free, my salary has steadily increased and I've moved my career in the direction I want it to go. I've expressed some displeasure with various work situations, and extreme dislike of particular employers, but I dont vent nearly as much as she does - I'm not complaining, it's just how each of us are, she talks more about her work than I do about mine.
Occasionally, usually when she is upset about something else already, she will complain about me smoking pot so frequently. Another situation I've noticed is if I'm cutting back on alcohol (like now) or caffeine - she seems to see that I'm controlling my substance intake and decides it must be a good time to harp on pot again.
Her overall substance use is lower than mine, and always has been, but she has known me since high school (I even had something of a stoner reputation when we started dating).
I am admittedly lazy sometimes, always have been since long before pot. But I'm generally on top of my shit. And - She doesn't complain that I'm lazy. No issues like being noticably stoned at inappropriate events. I'm attentive, she often doesn't know if I'm high or not.
That was the case tonight. I came home and she was noticeably upset, nothing to do with me but she told me about it and I comforted her, she was calming down some and I've got my arm around her on the couch, I think we're about to settle in and watch a show before bed.
Then she notices my eyes are red, asks if I smoked, which I did and I said as much, and she got all huffy, got up to brush her teeth and remained more distant the rest of the night. No TV show.
She didnt say more than "I wish you wouldn't always do that" but I can tell that she somehow feels that it invalidates the attention I gave to her issue a moment before. Like, I listened, reflected back with her and helped her articulate her feelings, did my best to validate and support her.. but I was high while doing it so I'm an asshole? Like, am I?
Am I an asshole for being high all the time, without causing issues by my being high? Like, when I have tried to approach this topic with her she cant offer a reason why she doesn't like it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
nLRUwt7FCT7wIvP8RKafsHdC0tmqbJPM
|
aaoni7
|
{
"description": "ruling out a vehicle because the gas cap is on the passenger side",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ruling out a vehicle because the gas cap is on the passenger side?
|
My husband and I are in the market for a new vehicle for me. I currently have a car which has become too small for our growing family. At the top of our list is the Ford Explorer. I love the vehicle.
HOWEVER, I just came to the realization that the gas cap on them is on the passenger side.
I told my husband this is a dealbreaker for me. He said I’m being petty and it’s stupid for that to be a dealbreaker.
I’m big on convenience and time saving. I am a mom who works full time. There are already not enough hours in the day.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
c8Wnxcf4go0BdwtOEIQ3qZpV1k2hukkF
|
aheniy
|
{
"description": "being cold towards my coworker that I have feelings for",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being cold towards my coworker that I have feelings for?
|
I have a co-worker I've had feelings for since I met her when I got hired. Initially I tried to keep work and infatuation separate because I just got hired and it's bad news, but we're assigned to work together a lot and the more I got to know her the stronger my feelings got. We soon started texting a lot and talked about hanging out outside of work. A few months into talking she mentioned her boyfriend during conversation and I expressed my surprise. What surprised me even more was that she's been with him for years. She reasoned that she likes to keep it private so she doesn't talk about it much, but regardless we continued a good personal friendship and work relationship.
Down the road, some drama happened between us where she broke up with her boyfriend and i got excited by the opportunity to jump in (disregarding my no work romance philosophy), but kept my distance so she had time to be emotionally available. We had a fallout when I confronted her about this mystery guy she's been hanging out with on Snapchat (which was a bad idea) and she admitted she's been dating someone new but claimed didn't want to tell or confirm to anyone. We talked it out but it wasn't the same after.
Work was slightly more awkward, we only interacted with each other only when we had to for work and only briefly. Luckily we didn't have to work together in the same room. A few months of this and we were assigned to work together again, but this time I had more self control and respected her space. I stopped stalking her Snapchats and such and focused more on myself. We slowly warmed up to each other again with me joking around a lot and she reciprocated better than before. We regained our texting and friendship again but I kept my distance when relationship was brought up. I also found out that she had a new boyfriend.
Finally, she also broke up with him after a few months because he was very jealous to say the least, and she kept talking about not being with guys for a long time. I still had a small amount of feelings but it wasn't until she asked me to hang out was when I told myself I should try it out and see where it goes. Joke's on me, she kept mentioning a friend the whole time and I started getting suspicious again. Eventually that friend turned into new boyfriend, but this time I was jaded from my past experience. We had plans to go out but I cancelled it because I was hurt from hearing the news and it didn't seem right if I still had feelings for her. We still talk, and we actually work together a lot better now than before, but when she mentions her boyfriend I completely shut out of the conversation.
I'm trying to make peace with myself and move on, because if she didnt see me romantically the first few times, it's obvious she won't have feelings for me ever. If I do something we're both interested in, she seems upset that I didn't include her (she never asks me to hang out) and tries to tag along when I want to go out alone for lunch, and I find an excuse where she can't come with me. I have a feeling she thinks I'm being moody and passive aggressive. Sometimes I do ask her to hang out but it's a mixed bag of answers. If she feels like we'll be together alone for the plan, she wants to bring an extra friend. Soon I just plan on not even making plans with her because her answers always seem conflicted to me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
Knlqj93Tj60MDr6UMR2XLRt9oiWbXlBw
|
ay72rd
|
{
"description": "screwing up a job under the bosses instruction",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for screwing up a job under the bosses instruction?
|
First time posting (been lurking for a minute tho)
So I was as a technician installing all sorts of things for car parks and other strata stuff. Yesterday my boss asked me to take a gate to a paint shop to get powder-coated before we installed it, he told me before I left to cut a latch off of it. I called him when I arrived at the paint shop and made absolute sure he wanted me to cut it off (it looked like it had just been re attached whilst at the engineers shop) he said yes so I proceeded to do so. The thing is I know for a fact that we are using that latch and now its not going to be powder-coated and we will have to fuck up the fresh paint to re attach it. AITA or is my boss just a big dumbo?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
9TTsRost0POXZBmD4wIZ3roR9bgexgYM
|
aacoom
|
{
"description": "stopping talking to a \"friend\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA if I stopped talking to a "friend"?
|
Last semester, I had this "friend" whom I hung out at university with from time to time.
We talked and chilled most of the time that we did hang out. I was obviously a friend and I talked with him when he wanted about things that he wanted and vise verse (normal friends stuff). It's also important to note that we had a mild friendly competition about grades to see who could do better but I always ended thing with "I'm glad you did well on _____x______ and you deserve it". No Sarcasm involved obviously and I genuinely felt happy when he did well.
Finals time rolls around and we have a pretty big final worth 40% of our grade and he's making online flash cards. I ask him if he'd share the link with me and he "yeah for sure" and I thanked him and told him not to forget.
He didn't send the link at all and he ignored my 2 texts asking him to send it if he could.
The day of the final comes around and I get to the exam room and I see him and he avoids me for a bit and when I walk up to sit down, I pass by him and I called him a snake for not sending the things.
I don't feel like he's a friend so I stopped talking with him. I've ignored his texts and I don't plan on talking or hanging out with him again.
I want to know, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
B9i0fLe0FLCIaJlgEh1ReOCR9lsW7uqZ
|
b1yxme
|
{
"description": "not cleaning up my niece and nephews messes when I was watching them",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not cleaning up my niece and nephews messes when I was watching them?
|
So, kids are messy. I was watching a toddler and a 15 month old. They made a mess with Doritos and got toys everywhere, etc.
But, I am the only family member that lives close and they are too cheap to hire a babysitter so I’m stuck babysitting them 3-4 times a month.
And, btw I’m doing this for free.
So, they made a huge mess this time, and I just refused to pick it up. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
N7gLEUxmvnP1OmFEDEfXB9wxYDJM3eVV
|
armg1t
|
{
"description": "telling a coworker that people have noticed he's flakey and antisocial",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling a coworker that people have noticed he's flakey and antisocial?
|
Obligatory throwaway account because a coworker knows my account
Okay so, I have a friend / coworker that I've known for over a year. We are good friends and hang out and all that. We initially began hanging out in a larger group, but over time the friend group fractured and turned into smaller friend groups. He is very anxious about social interactions and comments frequently that he thinks people don't want to hang out with him or invite him to things.
Here is the thing though: as someone who has actively hung out with him regularly for the past year, I can honestly say it is difficult to hang out with him. He will change the venues and times about 3 times within the hour before the designated hang out, he'll freak out if certain people are invited (we once invited our manager's daughter because she is also a coworker and cool, and he made us disinvite her less than an hour before because he was worried she would say something about him to her dad), and he'll frequently just cancel less than hour beforehand.
That brings us to last week: I invited him to a social work event, and the usual runaround begins: despite him agreeing to the date and time (and mind you, this is a free event paid for by work so money isn't the concern), he starts coming up with excuses with why he doesn't need to go and how it's not important anyway. And here is where my potential assholery comes in: I told him that people have noticed that he's flakey and antisocial and if he truly does want more people to be his friend and hang out with him he should reconsider cancelling all the time.
This really stressed him out and his girlfriend told me on Friday (this happened on Monday) that he's still really upset about it. I told him because it's something I've wanted to breach for a while and it felt appropriate at the time, but knowing that he's so stressed out about it is making me reconsider. I know I can't take it back now, but I have to know, am I the asshole?
tl;dr - told a flakey coworker that other people have noticed he's flakey when he tried cancelling on an event again and it really stressed him out and made him even more anxious.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.