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yqVuo2WHPdI2lCj8jSgF1v8jfnaXOcT4
|
a30qn2
|
{
"description": "demanding repayment",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for demanding repayment?
|
Backstory, last weekend my friends and I went out to the bars (i was DD). After the night ends I’m driving everybody home when all of a sudden my friends vomits all over the passenger side of my car. After a serious eruption of rage i managed to calm down and drive everyone home. I cleaned most of it up when i got home but the smell lingered and was unbearable. The next day i took my car to a car detailer. They cleaned it up nice and new like i just bought a new car. After i payed the bill (175$) i took the receipt to my friend who caused the whole ordeal. He responded by saying he is not giving me full reimbursement and he would give me only 50$. I refused and haven’t spoken to him since. AITA for demanding the full payment?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
wwsPC2P3UU4VxtWEopGasZp1HCh0DhS6
|
abwl19
|
{
"description": "telling my friend about his ex and our friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend about his ex and our friend?
|
I have a friend, we'll call him "B", that recently had his gf break up with him for "not loving him anymore". X was devastated and went to talk about their break up with another friend of ours, we'll call him "R". B talked with R about how he was still madly in love with her and how he couldn't bear to be away from her and all, he cried in front of him and told him his deepest feelings. Recently though, I found out that R had been getting on with B's ex in the same week of the break up. B would arrive in the afternoon to talk about his feelings and when he left, his ex arrived for the night.
I was infuriated by this, especially knowing that they were trying to keep it a secret from everyone and that they might have been hooking up before the break up (she was visiting his house by herself semi-regularly about a month before it). Meanwhile B was still sending his ex letters and messages (nothing too crazy, things like saying how even though they broke up, he was glad he had met her and that she changed his life etc.).
As soon as I found out I called B and told him that he should stop doing things for and romanticizing her. That he'd be better off absolutely forgetting her and that he deserve much better than the scum that surrounded him (R and his ex). I didn't tell him what happened or why I was saying those things, just that he should trust me.
So, AITA for getting myself involved in a story that had absolutely nothing to do with me, partly spilling R and the ex's secret and then telling my friend only part of the truth because I don't want to get involved any further?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 4,
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RIGHT
|
wk83NK2inE4OGQaWyGt416YGMQrHRm0d
|
axy8ff
|
{
"description": "changing my daughters schedule",
"pronormative_score": 171,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for changing my daughters schedule?
|
My daughter is 3 years old, and her mother and I were divorced when she was a little less than a year old. mother had substance abuse issues, which was packaged with a ton of infidelity, which led to me having full custody (she gave this up voluntarily.)
Her mother started straightening up little by little and requested 50/50 time with her (I still hold custody) and I agreed. We have been working this on a 2-2-3 schedule for the past 6 months.
About 5 months ago, I got in to a relationship. Wasn’t really looking, but the woman and I clicked instantly. my family has fell for her just about as much as I have.
Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago. The ex and I have been talking about changing the schedule. She now owns a Mobile Spray Tanning Buisiness. This has made it where my daughter is mainly with babysitters when she’s supposed to be with her mother. I’ve been the sole provider monetarily and emotionally since day one, so it’s bothered me immensely. I can’t stand seeing her mother having her with random friends when she could be with me and spending time with a parent. This led to a discussion between us of changing the schedule.
We decided that I’ll have my daughter every Thursday Friday Saturday And Sunday. I’m off weekends, so this gives me a ton of time to spend with my daughter. And makes it hopefully unlikely she will be with a babysitter on Monday Tuesday and Wednesday because my ex works until 5pm and my daughter is usually asleep my 9pm.
So, the girl that’s been so great so far.. here we go.
She’s aware that I’ve been working on trying to make my daughters schedule better and the reasons behind it. Every second she has been off work for the last few months, I make sure she’s involved with whatever my daughter and I are doing. And if I don’t have my daughter, we’re constantly going out to do things together or having lazy movie days at the house. I call her to tell her that I’ve finally got my daughters schedule fixed, and the first thing that comes out of her mouth is “Well there’s goes our weekends!” I was shocked; so I replied with “what do you mean, you know my family is huge and they are always begging to spend time with her, you know my mother or grandmother (or a countless other amount of family) would be more than happy to come hang out with her whenever we want a day-date or date night.”
She hung up on me. I waited until the next day to let her calm down, and called again. I was knocked down before I could barely speak with “if you do this new schedule, our relationship is over. You’re showing that I’ll never be your top priority.” Well no, I’m the only parent that’s ever going to put this little girl first. I can’t back up on that over a 6 month relationship. I don’t feel it should even be a completion, because I’ve always been persistent about making time for both of them.
So my wonderful friends at Reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 161,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 171,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
3eYV9IOculIUGsCVrRoamoBSrtYs4tgQ
|
9wjtyp
|
{
"description": "leaving my single mother to go join the military",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my single mother to go join the Military?
|
So I’m a 19 year old asian male and I just recently dropped out of college to enlist in the military. I just feel like college isn’t the right thing for me to do atm and the Army is something I’ve actually wanted to be a part of for a long time.
Now here’s the thing: My 50 year old mother and literally my entire family are trying to guilt me out of joining. I live with my mom in the US, while the rest of the family is scattered around Canada and Asia. Mom and Dad divorced a decade ago, and I have no siblings so its just been me and her. After I told my mom that I’m joining the Army she went crazy and begged me not to. “WHAT?!?! How could you do this to me? You’re just going to leave me here all alone? Who is going to keep me company and take care of me as I grow old?”
She expects me to live at home with her and take care of her forever. I told her that I’m an adult and I am under no obligation to do that. I need to live my own life. She responded by telling me that I’m a horrible son that is ungrateful for the life she’s given me, while sobbing uncontrollably. What makes things even worse is that the rest of my family are on her side.
“Your mom is going to be so lonely! Don’t you love her??”
“She has no husband or any other kids, its your job to make sure she is okay.”
“You’re a monster. She’ll most likely kill herself due to the loneliness, and it’ll be on you. All because you wanted to play soldier.”
All of this has been keeping me up at night, and I’m even starting to second guess my decision. I don’t want my mom to kill herself, but I can’t just have my entire life revolve around her and what SHE wants. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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OTHER
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"RIGHT": 18,
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RIGHT
|
sfqfMhN9WOeO8uiMUWxSBqkz1Om9l8Nh
|
9xbwhr
|
{
"description": "being pissed off at my gf about hating my potential engagement ring",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed off at my gf about hating my potential engagement ring?
|
Well.. my girlfriend is about to propose. We were talking about marriage, and have pretty much everything set, because of the legal issues around it. She is American, and I am European from a small country, one of few that are still not part of European Schengen Zone.
​
Anyways, long story short. I know she is about to propose, and we were looking up for engagement rings. I wouldn't even think of it, 'cause in my country gay marriages are still not legal, and I never thought I'd be marrying for real, so this is my first time even browsing for rings. Now, coming from an entirely different culture, I was quite surprised by the fact that an engagement ring is something that people would pay so much money for. For instance, everything she was suggesting was approximately around 5000 USD. For me, that s quite a lot, considering that people in my country earn 500- 600 USD per month (with a college degree). But that was also not the issue. She asked me to show her something I'd like, 'cause at the end of the day, I'd be one wearing it. She feels strongly about her proposing to me and not other way around. And I did. I sent her tons of pictures of the rings I liked. We figured out what our wedding bands are going to look like, so I wanted my engagement ring to go along with it. We decided on yellow gold, but I wanted it to be simplistic, thin with a small rock or set of stones, just not to look bulky or to have a huge solitaire since I don't want two of the rings to cover my entire finger.
​
I must emphasize that I am person that dresses up really simple and clear cut, and I almost never ever wear jewelry, rings in particular. I have a promise ring at this point, and I've been wearing it every day, but it is a simple silver band with a little twist that I had had made for the two of us. So, the issue here is, whatever I sent to her, she found not good enough. Either the rock was to small, or the ring was too simple, or her family had a good laugh over it, 'cause those kind of rings are not what people in US would usually go for. And non of them would be able to cost much, because they are not diamonds, and they are really really simple. After a lot of talks we had on the subject I suggested we drop it, and that I would wear whatever she gets for me, even if I didn't like it. I just didn't care about the whole issue anymore, and I didn't want to argue over these kind of things. We don't argue over anything in general, we are really similar about almost everything and have same goals in life. I love my girlfriend, she' s a wonderful partner and friend in every possible aspect, and she is doing so much for us already, being that she needed to adopt my dogs, change the apartment for the house because of them, come visit me constantly since I cannot get tourist visa for US, and all these other things, and I am just so blessed to have her. She even promised that once we retire we'd come back to Europe to live, 'cause I had my heart set to Italy. She is beyond amazing, and I cannot wait to marry her, honestly.
​
Then yesterday, all of a sudden, she mentioned she found two rings and her grandma loved them, and she thinks that's it. They are yellow gold, raw diamond combination, beautiful, and simplistic, and even though I already asked to drop the subject, she was so happy about it, and I asked her to send me the pictures. Now, I was horrified. First of all, both of them had a huge rock, really thick band and the rock itself was literally surrounded by more gold, like it was in some sort of golden nest. I don't really know how to explain it, but they were neither simplistic, nor small. And I just lost it. I told her that I cannot believe she would even consider something that looks that way, taking into account every single picture I sent her, and that I do not understand why she even asked me to send her what I want if she's not taking any of the things I sent and said into consideration. And that I would have been happy with just about anything, even if I didn't like the ring, if she hadn't asked me to show her exactly what I want, and that now, instead of being just romantic and happy about the actual proposal, both of us will be stressing about how the other one is going to react. She was beyond mad yesterday, and just told me to drop the subject, and that she doesn't want to talk about the ring or the marriage again. She said that she is going to propose, of course, but she doesn't want to talk about it. I tried apologizing this morning as well, I've been crying the whole damn morning, 'cause I know I shouldn't have told her I hated them that much, but I actually did. And it's not just that, it hurts me to know that she's not considering what I like just because she thinks it's socially unacceptable and that everyone is going to laugh at her. She literally told me, I want everyone to see you are mine!?!? I don't think me being hers or less hers is at all proportionate with the size of the damn rock. I just don't get it. But, then again, I'm trying to understand her side of the story, and since she no longer wants to discuss it, I am interested what you other people have to say on the subject.
​
Am I being completely out of the line here or it's just a cultural difference?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
FO2cHYpZnqY52nB6I4sYyrL9Fo84GpgR
|
b2cwk2
| null |
AITA in this case?
|
Quick background here, I'm in a few tarantula groups because I keep tarantulas and in one of the groups, someone posted a picture where due to the lighting, angle of the camera and reflection on the hide of the tarantula, it looked like there was absolutely no substrate which is a big no-no for T's as it stresses them out and they can die from stress just like any animal. Well someone commented on the photo asking why there was no substrate for it, I agreed saying, "Yeah it doesn't look like there's anything there," among countless others saying similar things. Well just now two days after the fact OP responded going off on us saying we assumed she was a monster and why should would do such a thing and this and that. I apologized for my assumption about it and told why I thought what I thought based on the picture and her not giving much more info other than, "My tarantula seems broken, what do I do?" I said there was no need to be hostile cause she was being rather rude even after I had already apologized for my mistake and I ended up blocking her because she wouldn't stop going after me like was the sole person saying there was no substrate for the T. So Reddit, AITA?
tl;dr Made an assumption on a post, apologized for my assumption after OP rudely clarified facts, apologized again said no need to be hostile and blocked OP after she kept it up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
IwaFWIRKebub08B7DTCd7vhEIwBwZXws
|
asw4wd
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend because of her having an older friend",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because of her having an older friend.
|
So, me (16M) and my ex 14(F) were dating for about three months when I met this friend of hers who was 19. Now when I initially met him he seemed nice enough and I didn't really have an issue with him, until about 2 weeks after meeting him my gf had started telling me that they used to date and send explicit pictures to each other. Now this was very upsetting to me considering how much older he was and the fact that when they "dated" she was under aged.
Now her and this guy we're still very close, as he drove her places she needed to go and bought her things she wanted. He also was very controlling of her. He had made her break up with a few previous boyfriend's because he didn't like them and he seemed very manipulative.
A couple of days after she told me I confronted her and told her how uncomfortable it made me that they were still so close and that I felt like he was just trying to get in her pants. She told me that I can't control who her friends are and that i just have to deal with him. Her saying that made me feel like she didn't care about how I feel about him and I broke up with her.
I'm sorry about how confusing this story is, I'm not really the best at this and was just looking for some input as I feel like a total douche for just dumping her on the spot. Also I know that I'm 2 years older than her but I didn't really seem to find an issue with it as we went to the same school and she was very mature.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
QMDPCmNJqeVZKRwiqU4mwSbKGa5vA87Z
|
9tv6bu
|
{
"description": "being offended that people thought I was gay",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for being offended that people thought I was gay?
|
Couple days ago a close friend of mine asked me if I was gay, which I was offended by. I kinda stormed off and was a bit pissed at her for the rest of the day. I'm being accused of being homophobic now, but that isn't true and I'm getting even more annoyed. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
TwGh1j3X8nOQLGs793L6bkUqojurgNvJ
|
ae5whx
|
{
"description": "dumping my gf after her unannounced backpacking trip",
"pronormative_score": 654,
"contranormative_score": 334
}
|
AITA for dumping my gf after her unannounced backpacking trip
|
Ok so this happened maybe three days ago, but first some context.
Me and my (now ex) girlfriend of 3 years lived in a 2 bedroom apartment which I pay for by myself, as I make enough money to afford it and I didn’t want to trouble her by pressing her with a bill for a place that is a tiny bit out of her price range, instead we use a meter and pay the bill through my account, with her compensating her spend.
We also have always been big on trust since both of us have been cheated on in previous relationships, and didn’t want to go through that again in this one.
The fact that I pay solely this apartment is important as it allows her to spend her money on things like more expensive gifts and the occasional excursion for us (which of course I pay in part for). Also the fact that we are big on trust means we tell eachother A lot about our lives and future plans.
Anyways, she was always a fan of these trips abroad and loved travelling, and for the most part our trips were always fun. However, about three days ago she announced that she had bought tickets for a solo backpacking trip across South America which she was going to go on on Friday, and that she had been planning this for months.
First I asked if I could come, to which she said no because she would be “discovering herself” on this trip, and when I asked why hadn’t she told me she said because I wouldn’t have allowed (or at the very least not wanted) her to go, especially alone. (Which is mostly true)
Well an argument ensued and at some point I finally put my foot down, it went something like this:
Gf: “why can’t I just go explore the world and live life to its fullest”
Me: “you can, without me or the security of my home, pack your bags and get out”
I believe it was the right thing to do as she didn’t pay for the apartment anyways, and so didn’t have any right to demand to stay, plus I was willing to give her money for a hotel for a week, which she refused.
That night she went to her parents home an hour away and my phone was blown up with people calling me a controlling asshole and the like, my question is am I really an asshole for this?
TLDR: girlfriend popped a surprise solo trip on me 5 days before she left, saying she wanted to go alone and had been planning it for months, I kicked her out my house.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 184,
"OTHER": 631,
"EVERYBODY": 150,
"NOBODY": 23,
"INFO": 31
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 654,
"WRONG": 334
}
|
RIGHT
|
HwDUVncwjUj5A4e0Aivdk6RcmGKYeGZS
|
a86mau
|
{
"description": "openly hating my brother-in-law",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for openly hating my brother-in-law
|
So my sister and her husband have been married for maybe 3 years, I’m not too sure, and they have baby that’s about a year and a half.
A little backstory, they met online and this guy is significantly older than my sister. Sometimes that’s not an issue but my sister went to a special school and though she is by all means normal, she is mentally younger in age and is a slow learner. So what maybe a 13 year difference in real life, could be more mentally speaking. My sister is also easily persuaded into situations and believing things. Which is a real problem, once a guy from school talked her into buying him clothes and all his food.
Now to my brother-in-law, I never got a good feeling about the dude. He seemed nice enough but his jokes were slightly offensive. More like backhanded comments played off as jokes. And I know it’s rude to say, and we aren’t rich by any means, but it’s like he purposely tried to look cheap. If you’ve ever witness this, you know what I’m referring to. He stuck out so hard, it made me initially not like him for my sister. My sister was very social with the family and once he started coming to family functions my sister was less social and just sat with him and didn’t interact as much as she use to.
I know I probably sound like an asshole up until this point, judging him on appearance and taste, but I am trying to be as unbiased as possible. It would be easy to just put things that favor me to not sound like an ass but I really want to know. I did judge him and I didn’t like him for my sister.
Marriage was mentioned early on their relationship and when I found out he didn’t have papers ( we live in USA), I thought he was trying to marry my sister for citizenship. He promised he wasn’t but then they secretly got married without telling anyone. Hence, why I don’t know how long they have been married. This made me dislike him more but not quite hate him. I kept my dislike mostly to myself and shared the same feelings as my other siblings.
Fast forward about 6 months after they get married and my sister group messages all my siblings and I saying that she’s pregnant. My youngest sibling responds saying congrats, the rest of us don’t say a single word. My sister has lupus and has strict orders from the doctor not to get pregnant. That a pregnancy would kill her, literally. My sister knew this, he knew this. He is a super super religious guy and thought it was a miracle that she was pregnant. I had to explain to them that it wasn’t that she couldn’t get pregnant, it’s that she isn’t suppose to get pregnant.
Now every doctor they saw, that was aware of my sister’s condition, recommended termination of pregnancy. He (they) refused. He seemed more concerned about having a baby than my sister’s health. This drove me up the fucking wall. I tried talking to my sister and she seemed to somewhat agree with me and seemed scared about the whole situation but again she was talked/bullied into this being a wonderful thing *insert religious god wants this lines*. Fast forward to 3 months of pregnancy, my sister is in and out of the hospital. Her health is deteriorating, they suggest termination but again, no go.
For the next 2 months she’s on her death bed, her husband is dead set on my sister carrying the baby to at least 7 months. At 5 months of pregnancy, my sister is in a coma, lost most function of her kidneys and doctors basically said there is nothing they can do but deliver baby and hope it makes it. Since she is in a coma, and he is legally her husband, he gets all medically decisions. I lost my shit on him. I made him cry according to my mom but about a week later my sister had schedule operation to take out the premature baby.
Now the baby was in the hospital for about 3 months and my sister was there for a few weeks but now has dialysis 3 times a week. She doesn’t seem the happiest. She has come visit me a couple times and when she does, she usually doesn’t have money for gas or baby formula and the baby happens to run out of food. I lose it. I give her money, or buy her formula and food but it turns into me just hating the guy more. I understand they may have some medical bills that isn’t covered by insurance but they don’t have to pay rent or bills other than their car and phone bill. The moved in with my mom so she could help. My mom buys them all adult food.
I feel he controls her to make sure she comes home at a certain time by not giving her money. She isn’t allowed to have male friends and has to ask for permission to do things. I just really hate the guy at this point. Shortly after they got married and my sister got pregnant he applied for citizenship, which raises a red flag for me. My sibling are cordial with him, don’t like him but don’t hate him. I actively ignore the guy. I acknowledge him when my manners get the best of me but for the most part, I’m cold towards him. Several family members have told me to be nice, my mom has asked me stop being basically and asshole, to respect their marriage and not get involved.
So am I an asshole for basically treating this guy like nothing when I am around?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
dleaFRwR4tNurYpqe7zHeemmy8HIRVuP
|
arhn69
|
{
"description": "asking my parents to introduce themselves to my boyfriends parents",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For asking my parents to introduce themselves to my boyfriends parents?
|
This was something that happened at Christmas, but its been troubling me since it happened.
Over the holidays, my boyfriend was meant to stop by my parents house to stay for the night before we both headed back to his place. Because he doesn't currently have a car, his parents would be driving him to ours. When he told me this, he said something along the lines of "my parents will be driving me, but just dropping me off." I interpreted this as they would be dropping him off at the door, and they would be heading straight home since its a 30+ minute drive and it would be dark, and this is what I told my parents before he was meant to come over.
​
Now I want to say this as nicely as possible, but sometimes my parents can be bad in social situations, especially my mum. Another example of this was when a few months back my friend had come by to visit, and when my mum walked into the hallway we were both in, upon seeing my friend (and my friend clearly seeing her) she immediately walked out without saying anything or greeting her at all, which my friend was obviously hurt and confused by.
​
I was worried something like that would happen again when he arrived with his parents - that they wouldn't come to the door when they arrived and say hello, even though they would obviously be in the house, and that his parents would be confused or find them to be rude. So, about 30 minutes before they were meant to arrive I asked if she and my dad could just come to the door and introduce themselves before they left, which almost immediately upset her. She asked me why they had to if "they were just dropping him off." When they did arrive, my parents introduced themselves and then my mum invited them in, which I wasn't expecting. However, at the time I thought that part had gone as well as it could have: our parents seemed to get along okay, and nothing was too awkward, but my parents didnt really have any food or beverages to offer them except wine. But after his parents left, my parents were very upset with me. My dad said that when my boyfriend said that his parents were just "dropping him off" that it obviously meant that they would be expecting to be invited in and that I should have realised that. When I was leaving the room, I heard my parents say that they "obviously can't trust anything I say." And now my mum is convinced that my boyfriend and his parents think they're horrible - and when I ask her why she said its because when they were invited in they didnt have anything to offer them. I have told her multiple times that this isn't true, that after my boyfriend said he thought it went well, and that his parents wouldn't judge them like that, but it falls on deaf ears I think.
​
I really don't know if I messed up, or at least, how badly? Was I wrong in assuming that "dropping off" just meant dropping off at the door? Was I overthinking everything in regards to making sure my parents introduced themselves to his when they came over? I will admit, that I was extremely anxious that day and I might have overthought everything too much, but I don't know. I feel like maybe there was some miscommunication at some point, but I can't pinpoint where.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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8c6ox6wBNgH5KN41Bn9hLEfm4oEP1TJB
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aj74w6
|
{
"description": "not sending my condolences",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for not sending my condolences?
|
I am in medical school on a generous scholarship. A local congressman (CM) was instrumental in getting my scholarship program set up, and without his action I would be in a much deeper pile of debt than I am currently in. (If it makes a difference, it's a publicly funded scholarship and not from his personal fortune). I am also gay and married.
Unfortunately, CM does not have a good track record with LGBT rights. He recently voted to restrict LGBT rights in my state and has supported legislation that would have made my life more difficult. It is clear that he believes opposite-sex marriages are superior to same-sex marriages.
CM's wife just passed away and my scholarship coordinator wants all of the students to sign a card for him. I am strongly considering not participating. We are a very small program. If I declined and/or "forgot" to sign the card, it would definitely be noted, but I'm not sure that I really care.
I am genuinely sorry his wife died. I never met her, but she never did anything to hurt me. However, it galls me that I'm being asked to send condolences to someone who thinks he is better than me. I can handle people who don't like me due to my orientation, but people who attack my marriage hurt a lot worse. Our coordinator wouldn't ask a Jewish student to sign a card for a politician expressing anti-Semitic views, or a black student to sign a card for a politician expressing racist views. Or maybe she would, because it's the socially acceptable thing to do. Maybe I'm being way too oversensitive? WIBTA here?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
cn1t39mLhTbk1vMdUpCBbT2CYyCFJSXa
|
9wt6uj
|
{
"description": "wanting to live alone with my so",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA because I want to live alone with my SO?
|
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5+ years, and have recently decided to move in together. I was so excited to spend some alone time with him. Roughly after a year of living alone, his brother hits a rough patch and needs a place to crash while getting on their feet.
As family should do, we told him that he could stay at our place while he does. I asked my boyfriend beforehand how long his brother was planning on staying, and I was reassured no more than a month.
It’s been 6 months now.
Not only has this caused fighting between my boyfriend and I, but I feel like an asshole for wanting the brother gone. From my perspective there aren’t any attempts from the brother to get back on his feet, as all he does in get drunk and play video games all day.
On top of that, the brother will break things, has a cat that loves to lash out, and refuses to help around the house.
I’ve spoken to my boyfriend about this, and they can do little wrong in his eyes. After pushing it anymore, I become the villain, and a fight breaks loose.
I understand that they’re family, and that should be enough to keep them in, but I miss when it was just us.
I feel like a shellfish asshole for feeling like this, any advice?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Nj4KTJJ87oGYmtj1ul75e3xuuKKr7l7c
|
aruxp8
|
{
"description": "not apologizing to my mom",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not apologizing to my mom?
|
For context, my parents are divorced and I am in my early 20s and in college.
Yesterday I had to say goodbye to my 14 year old dog whom I loved dearly. She was my dog at my dad’s house and the first dog I ever trained and took care of myself. After saying my final goodbyes to her I was very upset and was crying. My mom knew my dog was being put to sleep and that I had to say goodbye to her. I went to my moms house since I was on her side of town and I haven’t been able to visit recently due to being busy with work and school. As soon as my mom saw that I was crying she looked at me and said, “Oh stop it.” in the most dismissive tone. I simply replied, “Fuck you.” and turned around and walked out of her bedroom. I stayed at her house for 3 hours after that to see my little sisters and my mother never even bothered to leave her room to say anything to me.
She had my sister tell me she wanted me to go talk to her in her room upstairs and I said, no and that I was not talking to her until she came to apologize to me for being rude. I left without saying anything else to my mom and went back to my apartment.
Today my mom called me and told me that I needed to apologize to her for being so rude yesterday. I said, I wouldn’t because she was so dismissive of my feelings and unsupportive of me first. She responded by saying that I didn’t support her when her dad (my grandpa) passed away 3 years ago. I told her I wasn’t going to argue about this with her and ended our phone call.
Within an hour, she texted me and told me that all I do is take advantage of her and treat her like shit. I replied and said, “You know that’s not true.”.
I don’t think I treat my mom like shit, I call her at least 3 times a week and try to meet with her on her lunch break at least once a month. I still partially rely on her financially while I am in college and I am certain this is why she claims i’m “taking advantage” of her. I feel like she is trying to control me with money, but I am not financially stable enough yet to completely support myself.
Am I the asshole here? All I wanted from her was an ounce of sympathy and instead she completely dismissed my emotions and hurt my feelings because I was upset over my dog.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
Lxd9CXOouBc3QHLAULMvxLUfk6relGt8
|
ab0i8a
|
{
"description": "not buying my girlfriend a ticket to a gaming convention",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not buying my girlfriend a ticket to a gaming convention?
|
So I've been going to PAX East basically since it started. Normally I go with one of my friends, but this year I wanted to go alone, so I only bought myself a ticket.
I haven't told my girlfriend yet. I'm afraid that she would get upset at me for spending a weekend away from her. We're both seniors in college and this is our last semester before graduation.
My girlfriend doesn't care for video games at all. She doesn't know anything about them, nor does she play them. I figured that she wouldn't be interested in attending with me, and tickets are expensive. I would've felt bad if I dragged her along to something she has no interest for so I didn't buy her a ticket.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
2kRGrRFLGj3eircmvsiZYmOv8dpxKiED
|
aiqqjh
|
{
"description": "being mad at my ex for making a bumble profile at least two days before we broke up",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my ex for making a bumble profile at least two days before we broke up?
|
We met on bumble about a month and a half ago, and dated since there, I disabled my account and she left hers up, I didn’t really care. About two weeks in she had a bit of a mental shutting every one out, dumping me for about half a day and deleting her Bumble account because she wanted to be alone. Later that day she called me up apologizing, saying she was in a bad space due to unrelated reasons, and that I was nice and sweet, and didn’t want to lose me, so I got back with her. Since that incident her Bumble stayed deleted.
Everything was going fine from where I could see, but she dumped me a few days ago, saying in short that I didn’t mean as much to her as she meant to me, and that I was just something she was trying out. I took this hard, but let her go. She insisted before and then that we should stay friends, and I said I would at least try. That same day my friend encouraged me get back on the dating apps to get my mind off her, so I got on Bumble.
About 20 or so girls in, guess who I find? My now ex, with a profile updated with pics she took while we were dating. I frankly found this to be insulting, that she was looking for someone else while we were together. We talked later that night and I confronted her about it, and she said it had only been made two days ago. Neither of us have proof to this though, so I suspect it was made earlier than that. I told her how I felt about this, our conversation headed south, and she no longer wants to talk to me again.
Am I the asshole for being mad at her over this? She was obviously checked out of the relationship on her side, but she made multiple references to her wanting us to be long term over our relationship, so I had no idea she get the way she did. So to hear that she was looking for other guys while we were still together infuriates me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
0XO0ehEHBQ3RzuRg2n2Spu45VvNy8X62
|
9vaz9f
|
{
"description": "not returning to work after maternity leave",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not returning to work after maternity leave?
|
A little backstory: I’ve been at my job for over a year, it’s an entry level registration position at a local hospital. The work environment is toxic, you’re just a number to management, and there’s absolutely no flexibility. However, the job is relatively easy and the pay is very good for the work.
I found out I was pregnant and about four months into my pregnancy a part time position in the same department became available and I applied. I got the position (2/3 days a week) but worked full time for the department until I gave birth because they were so short staffed. Now, here we are 11 weeks into my 12 week leave and I’m supposed to return to work on Monday.
My position would require childcare 2 days a week which a family member I trust has offered. However, the trip to drop my baby off, go to work, pick baby up, and then head home is 100+ miles a day and almost three hours of commute. I had every intention on going back but now as it approaches I’m very stressed about returning to work/commuting/returning to toxic environment. I spoke with my manager two weeks ago and told her I’d be returning to work (now I wish I would’ve just said I won’t be back, but I did have every intention of returning).
I feel like I have two options: quit with no notice or return to work and give a two week notice. With the second option, I won’t burn any bridges but will have to shell out about $60 for a work uniform as my pre-pregnancy ones no longer fit and I’m no longer allowed to wear maternity clothes.
Side note I have major anxiety and what I really want to do is just never go back, but I realize that’s pretty crappy.
I’m not worried about having to pay anything back since I do not carry insurance through them. However there have been major cuts in the department and what I’m returning to is not the situation I left (they have fired/let go/approved transfers for 5-6 people) and mandatory overtime is on the horizon (potentially as soon as I return according to management and staff) and with a 3 mo old and my husband working 5-6 days a week I can’t do mandatory OT.
So AITA for putting in my notice as soon as I return to work from a three month leave?
Tl;dr: told manager I was coming back from maternity leave now I do not want to return. Aita for putting in notice my first day back?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
240ydCv8lruiVF3WbMFLauTSeZTRRqrY
|
arr53b
|
{
"description": "reporting a coworker who accidentally spilled coffee on my laptop",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
AITA For reporting a coworker who accidentally spilled coffee on my laptop?
|
Theres not a whole lot to this but ill provide a background anyway.
I have an older 50+ coworker who is just now entering my field, i am in my 20s. I work at a higher pace than him, while im also responsible for training and evaluating him.
In general hes a good guy but hes clumsy as all hell. Tripping, bumping into desks and people, dropping things. I think its a combination of stress at learning something new and being just an older clumsy guy not used to faster office environments.
I tell him multiple times to calm down and move deliberately as he walks around, but he hasnt improved much. Regardless i was going to give him a good review and pass him until this happened.
Im sitting at my desk typing away at my work laptop when he walks up and leans on a near by cabinet. He places his coffee on said cabinet. When he suddenly jerks his body and said cabinet shakes and his coffee falls on my laptop busting it up and covering it in coffee. It wont turn on now and corporate has to give me a new one. Most of my work info is on a cloud so most wont be lost thankfully. Ill have to reconfigure a new one, and by new its probably going to an old used one nobody uses anymore.
But my papers on the desk were ruined and i was mad about the whole thing even though he profusely apologized.
I gave him a terrible review and hes going to have to be retrained somewhere else. My boss thinks i shouldve been easier on him since our office was so close to his home and hes being transferred somewhere thats like an hour away vs a 5 minute drive to our office. AITA and was i too harsh?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
J6ZutmUV5VyJvJOCNyzUnQSbsQMF1qMF
|
axj2oe
|
{
"description": "not resolving sharing personal information to resolve a conflict",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not resolving sharing personal information to resolve a conflict?
|
Last semester, I was in a group project with a friend and another classmate. Classmate has a learning disability, which is very common and has a lot of online tools to help. I’m a transfer student, who has a double workload to catch up to my own year. I also have social anxiety, but due to recent improvement, this is something I haven’t shared with my class yet. The only one, who knows is my friend. The subject we are studying is hard and we all have difficulties. Classmate tends to bring us her homework and forcefully try to make us do it for her. I’m terribly behind in this class and have tried explaining this to classmate on multiple occasions without much change.
​
Beginning our final project, classmate has a talk to friend and I about being so close and how this makes classmate feel like the third wheel. She reminds us that she needs extra help and time on projects. I suggest we each do homework on the project to speed up the process and ensure I can read the necessary texts. Everyone agrees and I spend the next three days hitting the books. I read about four months’ worth of literature in three days and do the planned homework. As it turns out, I’m the only one that remembered to do the homework and I present it on a projector to kickstart the project. I have explicit reasoning on every single suggestion in an effort to help classmate understand my POV. Classmate is silent the entire presentation and the following work.
​
You need to be blind at this point not to get there is a problem. Classmate again says that we aren't helping and I frustrated with her ask: "Is it best for you to do the exam with us then?" Classmate gets pissed and leave. I feel bad and write her a nice apology, realizing that I did indeed sound like an arsehole.
​
We meet again a few days later. Classmate come late and we work peacefully for about an hour. Then classmate explodes. She tells us that we are getting our wish and she won't be joining us for the exam. Then she goes into a long spiel about how I never hold eye-contact with her and just hates her guts, while friend is a saint and helping her so much. Friend ask her what she is planning to do now, and classmate explain our professor has asked her to finish this project with us and then do the exam alone. However, she has by then called me every name in the book and I'm fed up. I leave the table trying to hide how much I'm shaking with anxiety and refused to do the project in same room as her.
​
I realized afterwards that I've felt anxious with classmate for awhile and I therefore believe I might actually have avoided looking her in the eyes, but I don't want to share this personal piece of info with a stranger to clear this up.
​
Classmate transferred class to avoid me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
mvfKhnTS09SYVuweEHMC8qXowiTw46WX
|
b6npz5
|
{
"description": "telling my colleague not to sing at work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling my colleague not to sing at work
|
Hi so for a year i've been working at a restaurant with this 60 something lady she does the cooking, i do the service, at 10 when everyone left we start to do the cleaning and recently she started singing while doing do, she sing in a high pitch voiced and like in a loud whisper, idk if i'm the only one but i find this incredibly irritating and annoying, i didn't ask her to stop yet but i will next time i work.
Yea not as dramatic as most posts here but i'm wondering if i'm an annoying jerk or not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
AeM0qSCueLMnsCR6TwuhDZpnH3YtydTH
|
b9v3iq
|
{
"description": "calling out my roommate for not adequately caring for her cat",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out my roommate for not adequately caring for her cat?
|
Currently I live with 3 roommates. Roommate 1, I’ve lived with for many years and we get along awesomely, we moved together to a house with one of her friends, Roommate 2 and her cat, about 7 months ago.
At first I was annoyed because the cat’s claws were long, and she loves kneading the people she lays on, and it hurts. She also claws the carpet which the landlord will probably have to replace. I suggested helping RM2 cut her nails, she declined. RM2 told RM1 she was annoyed by my concern and said her cat’s quicks were “too long” to safely cut (which was false). I bought my own cat nail trimmer, and would cut her nails when she would come visit me in my room. No pain, no bleeding.
Secondly I was annoyed that I’d often find her food bowl empty, albeit, never for more than 24 hours, so I brought it up, which annoyed RM2. Then when I tried to keep her food bowl topped off, RM2 asked me to stop because she likes to know “how much food her cat is eating”. Yet, RM2 would sometimes leave for 2+ days without explicitly asking either me or RM1 to check on her cat’s food and water supply. Of course we did though. Also her water bowl was frequently empty, and I was really mad about that until RM2 informed me she would drink out of the toilet, so I was less angry knowing the cat wasn’t going without water.
Things get worse for the cat when RM1 gets a dog. Cat is now locked in RM2’s small bedroom, and cat is terrified of the dog. Cat spends her days sleeping under blankets in a bed, and is frequently alone while RM2 goes out of town, or is fucking pet sitting for other people’s pets for weeks at a time. Again, never explicitly asking anyone to watch her cat while she’s gone.
The cat is purely a convenience for RM2, regardless of how much she professes her love for her cat. And here’s what really has me bothered, RM2 is temporarily re-homing her cat so she can work in Alaska for 4 months. Her lifestyle is NOT FAIR to her poor cat. Ugh.
Anyway, RM1 says my standards for pet care are high and that the cat is fine, so I’m alone in feeling angry about that the way this cat isn’t having a thriving life. I’ve kept it to myself until last night. RM2 is leaving for Alaska in 3 weeks, and this was our text exchange, verbatim:
> Me: I know you hate when I give cat advice, but [Cat]’s breath smells a little fishy. You might want to consider a checkup before you leave. You said you wanted to when we first moved in, she might need a dental cleaning.
> RM2: Thank you again for your concern but I don’t appreciate receiving these messages. She has an appointment scheduled before I leave. 👍
> Me: I care more about her wellbeing than bothering you. I don’t appreciate you leaving to take care of other people’s animals when you barely give yours an enriching life. You say you love her but zero of your life decisions involve keeping her in your life. Get mad.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
dNLPYrSroaRt7m4HiewnjDILltMAZWAI
|
a3pmde
|
{
"description": "getting back together with my ex-girlfriend while she's separating from her husband",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting back together with my ex-girlfriend while she's separating from her husband?
|
I dated a girl all throughout college. It was great, we were totally in love. But we were too young to get married at 22, and so we had a painful break up and she ended up marrying the guy she dated right after me.
​
Ten years later, their marriage is ending (no kids, mercifully), and she calls me the day she moves out of their house. For me, she's the one who got away, so I was totally happy to be her rebound. I'm still very much in love with her. But now it's been two months of serious dating and it feels like we might once again have a real thing. Obviously, I'm taking it very slow and trying not to put pressure on her. But I can't help the natural love and excitement I feel.
​
I was in no way responsible for their break-up, at least that I'm aware of. We were barely even friends during the time they were together, mostly because it was too painful for me. But I'm not one to sabotage a 10-year marriage. The husband is by all accounts a stand-up guy. We might have even been friends in another life. Do I have a responsibility here to give them more space or can I let my love flag fly?
​
Related question, marital ethics aside: How long is it going to be before I know whether our reconnection was a rebound for her or if it's the foundation for Part 2 of our relationship? I'm mid-30s, never been married, ready for that whole stage of life; but I feel like it may be years before she's back at that point. AITA for wanting to expedite this process?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9stozkbtWOhSOWDEGrmRXs1Y5c0tFqGu
|
b9netd
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be around my girlfriend whilst she's on her period",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to be around my girlfriend whilst she's on her period?
|
**FIRST TIME POSTING ON REDDIT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO AGE BRACKET THING PROPERLY**
I've (20M) been dating my girlfriend(20F) for a little over two years now and this has been a problem for at least 6 months.
Whenever 'that time of the month's rolls round my SO becomes, as i say, rather toxic towards me. Suddenly everything becomes a fight. Petty things that would normally be laughed off by the both of us is now a good reason to pick apart why I'm a terrible person and 'don't try' in our relationship. I've listened and tried to understand what she's saying but I honestly don't think anthing's getting through
During this time she is not calm and we've tried to sort things out together.
At this point I've decided to just leave her alone for a few days whenever her period starts.
I'm over being bashed verbally once a month. But I do feel guilty and I'm just wondering AITA?
Note; I realise that posting this may attract a lot of hate for not being supportive of my partner, I'm ready for that. I even agree to a point. But I don't think me being a verbal punching bag does anyone good.
Oh and other than this, our relationship is great!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 21,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ZksohRhWKhStEo9es5aO1WOQDepre4Ii
|
a4sdd5
|
{
"description": "not being interested in women with a kid, even though I have a kid from a previous relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not being interested in women with a kid, even though I have a kid from a previous relationship?
|
Throwaway account. Am I the asshole for not being interested in women who already have a kid? I am 22 and have a kid from my only long term relationship that happened when I was 16 in high school. We broke up after high school due to many different reasons and I moved away to go to uni while she and my child moved away to live with her new beau's family. So we have been a 10 hour drive away from each other for the past 4 years. This has led to me not having a super close relationship with my child, it is mostly limited to phone calls and visiting 2-3 times a year during breaks and holidays.
This leads me to my question. After we broke up I didn't have any interest in dating and just recently finally decided to get back into it. While I'm not completely opposed to dating someone who has a child, I will admit it definitely makes me think someone is not as attractive as a romantic possibility. Am I the asshole for feeling this way? I've used my not close relationship with my own child to rationalize this as an okay way to feel, but I'm curious what you guys think
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
figwrHhxvtFWZ9a4W5bONUblkcxeV31a
|
aqoqwk
|
{
"description": "not going to lunch",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going to lunch.
|
So I just got a new job in a different city and I’m about to leave for who knows how long. I told my friend and he insisted we go to lunch. We had already been tried to go to lunch twice this month but he would also fall through and it wouldn’t happen. So today he said he could go but he forgot had to do an audit at his job and it would be later than normal lunch time. He suggested Saturday and I agreed but then he insisted we go today.
Cut to now and he just canceled today, then wanted to change it to beers and tonight. I told him I couldn’t because I’m on a pretty strict diet right now and more importantly he’s canceled so much that I just don’t trust him keeping these plans. Needless to say he blew up and wants to make me feel guilty for not wanting to go later. He also called me like 6 times in the last hour to which I didn’t answer cause I’ve made myself clear.
Now am I the Asshole for putting my foot down? I know this sounds like a shit post but I do feel bad for not doing it but at this point I’m fed up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
eHYfU1Ba31qgN6qufZprECc1NNcLZNxH
|
a2ww23
|
{
"description": "working for an isp",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA - I work for an ISP.
|
I am a white collar professional. I feed my family and provide a good home life. my particular job is in networking secure systems internal to the company and when I do it well nobody knows anything about it.
here's where the AITA comes in. I work for a company with a remarkably low customer service reputation. the company is heavy on people and technology so there are yearly rate hikes to offset the increases in staffing costs and network upgrades. shit is getting more expensive faster than it's getting fast enough to carry more content. content is getting more consuming of available bandwidth.
under to guilt by association transition, am I an asshole for working for a company so unpopular with the consumers?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
INFO
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
tlLK8dbFpPX3mkY1NEzwgJPDhTV4GTt2
|
anjv36
|
{
"description": "explaining to my gf that Pit bulls can be more aggressive toward other dogs",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for explaining to my gf that Pit Bulls can be more aggressive toward other dogs...
|
For starters, yes, I know that "Pit bulls" are not a breed of dog, rather a group of different breeds that all get lumped together into the "pit bull" label. Her dog is an American Staffordshire Terrier, a dog found in that group.
​
This morning my girlfriend received a text from her mom saying that her dog had started a fight, and might be put down this weekend. She was devastated, and I immediately was there to try and comfort her.
​
After a while, she had calmed down, and started saying that it's "*not his fault*". Saying that it **MUST** be something hereditary (mental incapacity, etc.)
​
When she mentioned that it was hereditary I had asked "*by hereditary do you mean because he's a pit bull?*"... well shit, this **REALLY** set her off. She is someone who will defend the name of pit bulls, ignore anything she doesn't agree with, twist words, and only provide articles or "evidence" that "proves her point".
​
After I said that, she then claimed it's how he was raised. I didn't totally disagree with that argument, but mentioned that the breed of the dog might play a factor in the aggressiveness as well. I provided excerpts from the ASPCA's position statement on "pit bulls", excerpts from the American Kennel Club, among other sources... She responded "*bull... fucking... shit...*" each word as it's own message, I responded to this by saying "if you know so much then why don't *YOU* go to the ASPCA and tell them yourself that they are wrong".
​
I made sure to say repeatedly, that no, not all "pit bulls" are violent towards humans or other animals. But due to the nature of their breed, they MAY be more likely to act aggressively toward other animals. I also noted that "pit bulls" are not the only type of dogs that can be aggressive.
​
Not a single word of what I said was listened to. She started to list off dogs that she has met personally, claiming that they were all some of the best behaved dogs she has ever seen, and that proves her point. She then started saying that I needed to "educate myself on dogs" and that I am stereotyping dogs. She then goes on to say "***I know what I'm talking about, it's not the dog, it's the owner***" I then suggest she do a little research first. Then I get this gem of a text from her, "***I don't have to because i already have***" At this point I'm absolutely floored.
​
Here's the best part, She googled "famous dead people who had pit bulls", then googled "hellen keller and her pit bulls", She then sent me two photos of hellen keller with her dogs and said "*if they are so bad why did she have one*" and "*oh look she had two*".
​
Unsure of how to even respond, I kinda messed up by saying "*how closed minded do you have to be?*", she hit me back with "*I rest my case,* *I'm not close minded,* ***you are****, by cataloging all of them*"... what does that last part even mean? Cataloging WHAT???
​
Part of me thinks that everyone sucks here, but her acting this way in what should be a civil debate/discussion happens all too often, and usually gets out of hand... maybe this is a job for r/relationship_advice.
​
TLDR: TRIED to have a civil discussion with my girlfriend about pit bulls and how they were bred to be more aggressive toward other animals, and that maybe this was a reason her Pit Bull keeps attacking her German Shepard. In response she acted like she knows everything.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
nZXgcEDIrHKBjhdzN0kUmqHEALGmTADR
|
b1gz53
|
{
"description": "telling my friend who hooked up with a guy who is a senior and leaving soon to not get too attached",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend who hooked up with a guy who is a senior and leaving soon to not get too attached?
|
So this was 2 weeks ago, my friend hooked up with this senior boy and they explained to everyone she knew it was just a hook up and she wouldn’t get attached. Fast forward these past 2 weeks and she’s been texting everyone saying how she just saw the person and is making posts on her Snapchat about seeing him in the halls and stuff. Today I talked to them and told them how she needs to tone it back because she’s becoming obsessed with someone who will be out of her life in 3 months and anytime any guy leaves her she has a rough month and I don’t want her to experience that so I’m ending it while it’s smallish. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sqRYK2Hw6JcMNoeOz3FSY4opNKYoklEu
|
azim2p
| null |
AITA? Lied to a friend about being busy
|
I have been having issues with a friend for several months now. Since she met a guy this past summer, she has pretty regularly forgotten about plans we've made, been noncommittal in terms of making anything but last minute plans, fails to respond to (or even read) texts with any regularity and, when we do spend time together, spends most of the time texting her boyfriend.
When I have spoken to her about these issues, she just says that she feels the need to respond to text messages from guys right away because she was in a controlling relationship more than five years ago where that guy would yell at her if she didn't, and that her last few relationships required an almost immediate response if she wanted to see them. However, by her own admission, these are not issues she has with her current boyfriend and he is not demanding at all. And she is far more obsessive about responding to his texts than she ever was around me with any of the other guys she dated. She also says that she forgets about plans with everyone (not just me) and that she does not like to schedule anything in advance because she finds it restrictive.
I used to shuffle plans around in order to accommodate last minute hangout time because I missed her so much. But I am always left feeling invisible every time we have managed to get together because she can't even put her phone away for an hour after I reorganize everything just so we can spend time together. I realized I missed the friendship we used to have, but the one we currently have leaves me feeling like shit.
A few months ago, I decided I needed things to change. Initially, I decided not to reorganize my own plans and held firm in trying to make plans at least a week in advance. We are in our 30s. I don't feel like pre-planning is ridiculous. Needless to say, we have not hung out in over a month and, even then, the last time we did hangout was pretty disastrous.
Today, she asked me if I was free to go for a manicure or, if I wasn't free, could we make plans to go. I told her I was busy today and that maybe tomorrow we could cross reference our day planners to find a time that would work. It was a lie though. I am not busy. I am sorting through linens right now and getting rid of old ones. And I have no intention of finding another time. I feel so guilty for lying, but I have spoken to her so many times about how badly it makes me feel when she forgets about our plans or how much it bothers me when she can't put her phone away for just a little while when we hangout. Nothing ever changes.
I feel like such a horrible person for deciding that I cannot do this anymore. I don't want to end our friendship, but I just feel more and more resentment building any time something happens. I think she is such a wonderful person in so many ways, but I need more from my close friendships. Is there a better way? Am I just an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b2s8hf
|
{
"description": "sometimes randomly wanting to end a friendship",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for sometimes randomly wanting to end a friendship?
|
So, in this case I feel like I'm going to be the asshole. I have a friend, and he is really nice. He hasnt done anything wrong, exept for trying to talk to me a lot randomly, and sometimes he would follow me a bit, while talking to me, even though its lunch time, and we don't eat together. He is a nice dude, and he hasnt done anything wrong. But recently I've just been feeling kinda...annoyed around him. Idk. He has done nothing wrong, and I feel like I'm being rude because I'm sorta ignoring him (aka when he talks to me I still reply, but dont really add more to the conversation). I feel like I'm the asshole. I have cut off only a few other friendships, one of them was a valid reason, but the other was not so much. The second friend I've kinda wanted to stop was with this one friend who sat next to me on the bus. At one point he got mad at me because I wasnt talking to him. Mind you, I'm pretty introverted unless around close friends or family. Also he pretty much claimed that he "knew" I had a crush on him (which I didn't) because I apparantly blushed around him. I'm not sure if that's the reason why I didnt wanna be friends with him, but that may be it. So, AITA for breaking off these friendships for (mostly) no reason?
(I'm fairly new to posting so sorry if this kinda sucks.)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
9YlIJ5cZF45JxC9z9O6wfupL7SbjEWvA
|
aztuu8
|
{
"description": "taking my money back from a kid",
"pronormative_score": 113,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for taking my money back from a kid?
|
Alright so I'm picking up some pizzas for dinner, after getting the order I'm on the way back to my car when a little girl maybe 12 and what is probably her younger sister around 6ish? approach me and ask if I had any money to spare. I figured yeah I probably do, grabbed $5 from my wallet and handed it to her. She looks at me and says 'We want $20 please", I say oh sorry sure, give me the $5 back and I'll get you a $20. So I took the $5 and walked away.
Girlfriends saying it was a dick move but I'm not sure. The girls looked untidy (no shoes but still clean) definitely not impoverished or homeless.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 97,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 16,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 113,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
eDO3Tx1Oz5b1iZKfY4W49Qo9ycrY8rSz
|
b9cloj
|
{
"description": "lying to my mate about what time I'm going to the cinema",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for lying to my mate about what time i'm going to the cinema
|
The title sounds really bland but basically, i'm going to the pictures tonight with my girlfriend as a date night. My mate asked what i was doing and i told him and he decided he wanted to come along too.. i told him no cause its just me and my gf going out. He kept reiterating how funny it'll be to come up and see us two on a date, again i kept telling him no and in the end i thought he got the message i didn't want him to be there. Couple of hours later he's text me again saying what if i bring a date with me and we bump into you, i feel as tho i've been polite enough by telling him no multiple times so in the end i've just told him i'm going at a different viewing time so i don't have to see him.
​
My gf has already said she doesn't want to see him tonight and i feel as tho if we do see him she'll think i planned on him being there and will get pissed off...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 38,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
4tX4QheIl6V9Q5nqiDirh4MBchCkwGYM
|
b7dge2
|
{
"description": "talking to my friend about him being angry",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I talked to my friend about him being angry?
|
One of my friends has been mean in calls with our other friends lately and it's been bothering me. I wanted to try and talk with him about the stuff he's said and if anything is bothering him but I don't know how to do it, or even if I should say anything at all.
The first time it happened, two of my friends and I were playing Fortnite together and we were in a call, and then my other friend joined the call. My friend's mom yells at him and he yells back, and he says "tell your mom she's a fucking idiot" and then I said "hey don't say stuff like that it's disrespectful," and then he said "I can be disrespectful to anybody I want." I asked my friend if he was upset by that and he said he wasn't and his mom didn't hear what he said.
A week or so after that, I was playing Smash Bros. Ultimate with another friend of mine. He plays Lucina and really only uses her best moves and nothing else, which is annoying but it doesn't bother me that much. My friend joins again and he and the guy I was playing with start talking and he tries saying Lucina takes skill, and then my friend says "DUDE SHUT THE FUCK UP STOP TRYING TO SAY LUCINA TAKES SKILL SHE DOESN'T." I didn't say anything for a bit after that.
The most recent time it happened was yesterday. All three of my friends from the first incident were playing a Cards Against Humanity clone thing online and I tried joining but had no idea how to. Two of them were singing a Persona 5 song really loud and I couldn't figure out how to join. My friend then screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP ANDY'S TRYING TO JOIN THE GAME AND HE'S ASKING QUESTIONS YOU PIECES OF SHIT". I stopped trying to register and left the call but I eventually joined after one of my friends my other friend yelled at asked me to come back.
I won't make him apologize, but I do want to talk to him about it and see if there's something going on in his life that's making him more crabby than usual. Would I be the asshole if I did that?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
l8BumHyp7RMeF1W5XLEp7roPsPODDYVi
|
ajcee2
|
{
"description": "feeling jealous over my wife's past experiences",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for feeling jealous over my wife’s past experiences?
|
So I (M23) had a spat with my wife (F22) about one of her past sexual experiences. When she was younger, before we were together, she had a threesome with her friend and that friend’s husband. That alone isn’t so much what bothered me because I’ve been in threesomes myself that she knows about. The issue for me is that she’s still friends with this couple. I know on one hand it can be seen as somewhat immature but I also don’t want to have to talk to any other man my wife has previously had relations with no matter the circumstances as I’m sure she wouldn’t want to sit and have a drink with any woman I’ve been with in the past. I’m wondering was I completely in the wrong? Is there some rationality to my thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
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"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Hkf1GOzmmLfu53ugMRLv66bEyaSdtBtJ
|
b9lhyo
|
{
"description": "setting my yoga mat near someone",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for setting my yoga mat near someone?
|
Hi reddit, just got back from a weird situation at my local gym and I'd appreciate some help determining if I was in the wrong. I arrived at 5:40 for a 6 PM yoga class and found myself with some extra time before the class. The group class was currently occupied by a kickboxing class, so I was standing outside of the room. The door was open, and next to the open door there were two chairs. A few minutes went by and I decided I needed to use the restroom before the class, so I dropped my yoga mat down in the space behind the open door. Of the two chairs next to the door, the closest one was empty, and the one adjacent to it was occupied by a woman who was hunched over, her elbows on her knees. I go to the restroom, come back, and pick the yoga mat back up. When I dropped my mat down and picked it back up, I came within about a foot of the woman on the chair, but I was not reaching over her or even around her. When I picked it up, she shouted, "Goddamn, do you not see me here? You can't say 'Excuse me?'" I'm shocked and don't say anything at first, and she continues to yell at me. I then say, "Well, I'm finding your reaction quite rude, I don't see why you need to escalate the situation so quickly." She responded by yelling about how I had just done the "same thing" when I set the mat down, and she didn't say anything the "first time" so now she had to say something.
​
Granted, I understand that everyone has different definitions of personal space, and had she addressed the issue in a calm manner, I surely would have apologized. I felt that she forfeited her right to an apology by immediately screaming at me. We went back and forth for a few minutes, and I began to get upset, so I asked her point blank, "Did I touch you?" She replied, "No, but..." and I said, "I didn't touch you, so I don't see why you feel the need to escalate the situation so quickly. She shouted, "You're goddamn right I do!" We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes and then both entered the class.
​
One other thing I should say about the situation is I am a 30 year old white guy, and she was a middle aged black woman. I know there is an entire history of white men disrespecting the space and autonomy of women, especially women of color, and I think perhaps some of that played in here. Thought I would mention it in case some people find it pertinent in rendering a judgement.
​
So, reddit, AITA?
​
TL;DR: Got within a foot of a woman to set my yoga mat down, did the same to pick it up. She began screaming at me and I refused to apologize.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
uMTeJCjURX6gDg5Q9j4pQ1hkVkXVqGpC
|
b39lf4
|
{
"description": "being a little bit annoyed my brother still won't forgive me for being a bit of a bully as a child",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 339
}
|
AITA for being a little bit annoyed my brother still won't forgive me for being a bit of a bully as a child?
|
My bro knows my actual account so needed to make a throwaway for this one.
​
In short, my brother was always the nerdier one of the two of us and as a child and young teen, I was a bit of a bully towards him. In all honesty, I never meant any of it maliciously and I never let him go to sleep upset with me, but I used to tease him a lot about his hobbies (mainly anime tbh). We both played video games together but anime is something I never really got into so I used to tease him a fair bit about it, but like I said I never did it maliciously and I honestly didn't think it affected him this badly.
​
Throughout the years we slowly grew further and further apart until we both went off to university, and honestly that's when most of our communication ended apart from the holidays where we'd come home to family. He's always been cold towards me since, and I figured that's just the way he is. He's still a huge anime/video game fan but I have absolutely no problem with it at all. I think it's really cool that he can be proud of his own interests and tbh both anime and games are super popular now, so it ain't a bad thing to enjoy them.
​
I'm 26 now, and he's 23, and he STILL hasn't forgiven me for the years I spent teasing him. His birthday was yesterday and I got him DMC and an anime poster - it's a popular anime I know he's always loved. He was super thankful but I knew something was off from the way he looked at it when he unwrapped it, but I let it go til after dinner. We were sat with dad in the garden for a while and when dad went back into the house, my brother let it all out on me. He said I made his years as a teenager miserable because I didn't give him the freedom to like whatever he wanted, and he used to cry himself to sleep because he knew he was a "weirdo" - he isn't lol. He's relatively popular in uni and definitely not an introverted shy guy so idk where that came from. Apparently he felt embarrassed to enjoy anime JUST because of what I was saying to him which is ridiculous. I told him he's always been free to like what he wants and he should never be ashamed of his hobbies. He wasn't having it lol, he called me hypocrite and said I'm an asshole who made him feel like shit for a long time.
​
So after having a go at me for like 30 mins, I was really fucking pissed off he still isn't over it. It's been like 10 years, and what I teased him about was never that bad. I'm really pissed off he isn't letting it go and is essentially throwing away our relationship as brothers just because I made fun of him as a CHILD.
​
Am I the asshole for what I did?? Or am I the asshole for being angry now?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
DvlQSwStRzMlMP2KOxeMqYlgBZ0YIhfa
|
a2vvbx
|
{
"description": "making a bad joke at the funeral of a friend's mother despite warning them first",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for making a bad joke at the funeral of a friend’s mother despite warning them first?
|
I was at a friend’s mother’s wake service not too long ago. After the wake, a group of us were talking to our mourning friend who seemed to be taking it fairly well (or at least better than how I took it when my own mother passed away not long before this incident).
This friend was talking about his work for a bit and mentioned that he had just received an email from his boss that morning with condolences as well as a bit of uplifting news; his request for a promotion got approved.
Everyone else congratulated him but I sort of gave a smirk and didn’t say anything. I have a reputation with this group of friends for being a snarky cunt sometimes, which they seem to enjoy, so the mourning friend asked what’s up with the smirk, and I said it’s inappropriate to say out loud. The rest of the gang insisted I say what I was holding in, and so I said simply “sympathy promotion”. Which got a lot of “oh duuuuude. Too soon.” from everyone.
I’m aware that with any other crowd, this was super inappropriate to say, but having already given a disclaimer of sorts and still being asked to say it, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
L1w5TrbKdrff5jJMkNeszN1kF1noILh2
|
ac3lkd
|
{
"description": "escalating the situation first by calling my landlord on my neighbours",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for escalating the situation first by calling my landlord on my neighbours?
|
For backstory this issue has been going on for over a year when my neighbours first moved in. They are both in their 30's and had a toddler when they moved in, then had a baby around 6 months ago. Our complex is small, theres only 4 apartments, which are also small. The complex is on a main street above stores and bars, in a student area. These neighbours are attached to the bedroom we use as a spare upstairs, and the kitchen downstairs. The walls are thin in those rooms and we can hear everything, so we tend to avoid making much noise in those rooms. We have lived in this complex for over 5 years now, and never had a complaint. We have seen neighbours come and go, and have become good friends with all of them, except for these neighbours.
​
My fiance (27M) and I (25F) are homebodies, and are antisocial, we play music/games at decent times and volumes, make just general living noises (my fiance does walk around like a troll), but the most noise we make is our little dog. Our dog barks but never excessivley or late. Sometimes she'll bark when someone knocks on our door or rings the bell, if she's laying by the window and someone surprises her and goes out the back entrance (which is directly attached to our window, and is booming loud when the door shuts), occasionally if she's paying attention and hears a dog bark, and sometimes when a phone rings if it catches her off guard. However her barking is progressivly less and less as our training continues, and has significantly improved since the neighbours have moved in.
​
The first complaint, the new neighbours came knocking on our door around a month into living there, and kind of rudley asked to turn music down in early evening, we did so-issue solved.
Repeat issue a few times, each slightly more hostile then the last.
6 months in neighbour comes to our door in middle of day (when normal living noises being made) with her newborn in her arms (was so cute!) and very rudley tells us she needs quiet-we understand new baby, say our congrats-solved.
a couple weeks or so later our neighbour starts agressivley knocking on door about dog barking (dog had literally let out three little beagel barks) a passive agressive agruement ensued on both sides, we both apologized and let it go-solved.
Rinse and repeat issue every week for months each time escalating more, over dog, music, and living noises.
A few months ago came home to note on my door cussing me out and the noise I make-decided to no longer respond to her-couple days go by she apologizes-solved.
During all this any noise we make in kitchen or spare room is met with them banging on walls and cussing us out, que baby crying and them fighting.
This has become a constant, in a year of these issues they never complained to our landlord or filed a noise complaint. So we have always taken that to mean they realized they over reacted.
​
Last night my BF was putting his clothes away in the spare room which has one of those fold out doors that are noisey. The door popped out of the track (because all things in our apartment are wonky) and he had to pop them in, all making noise briefly, and at 8pm. Immediatly a pounding started on our wall-things thrown at it and our neighbour yelling at us and cussing us out, then baby starts crying, and can hear fighting ensue. Again this is normal now, expecting we will avod eachother a bit in the halls, and then get an apology, and repeat. However this afternoon I came home after walking my dog to the neighbour at the front entrance. Made the mistake of nodding at her and smiling, and she went off on me. She threatened me a few times, told me I had sworn at her toddler last night (?), that all the neighbours don't like us, and when her fiancee came down the entrance stairs he had to hold her back. I said she was crazy, and kind of stood their in shock, slowly walking around her and going up the stairs-my dog was terrified and hiding behind me.
​
I decided I was done, I called my landlord then the police at his recomendation. But I had to go to work and was a bit confused about what I should have the officer do. I was trying to do the report over the phone but I couldn't give the constable enough of their info so she needed to come in person. I told her I had to go to work, and she told me to call when I'm done. My landlord then sent out an email to our neighbours with us CC'd to it, stating the policy on threatening behaviour and etc. I knew they would react badly to it, but I wanted to cover our own backs here. While at work (I only worked 5 hours today, and my fiancee gets home right after I leave to work) my fiancee was texting me with constant videos he took of our neighbours banging on our walls without cause, then even coming to our door. The woman yelled at him the entire time seemingly picking up right where she left off with me, while her shirtless fiancee and his shirtless friend literally flexed their arms and slowly walked towards my fiancee. It was all very strange and aggressive. When I got home we decided enough was enough time to call the police and do an actual report, I literally grabbed my phone when we got a knock on the door, and it was the police. They said they had been called for a noise complaint. They took all our information, and we told them everything from our side. The officers told us they informed the neighbours not to bother us anymore and said we should steer clear of them and not answer if they come to the door. They were very nice and understanding and clearly there was no noise when they came. They informed us the neighbours said they were moving in a month so they shouldn't recieve any complaints after that (but we all new that was very unlikley and that they will be getting another call soon). I know this is going to continue to escalate now that I told my landlord, and I'm not sure how to handle it from here.
|
HISTORICAL
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J8xbuSc1Y4D2YtC4a9i7uWdvwFJop3e4
|
at5326
|
{
"description": "leaving a restaurant because they were serving a homeless person",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 126
}
|
AITA for leaving a restaurant because they were serving a homeless person?
|
I'm a huge sushi fan, so whenever I hear about a new japanese restaurant in my town, I always make sure to check it out. Recently, a new one opened up in a kind of sketchy part of town, but the reviews were amazing, so i decided to go check it out with my dad. We walk in and the place is packed, so we had to sit at the sushi bar. Everything was going great, the food was amazing, and the sushi chef was very friendly. We were just about to order another roll or two, when a woman walked into the restaurant and sat down next to my dad at the bar. I wasn't really paying attention to her, until I heard her start to cough.
I am not exaggerating when I say that it was the worst cough I have ever heard. It legitimately sounded like she had TB. I looked over, wondering why someone this sick would be at a restaurant, to see one of the dirtiest looking people I have ever seen. She was Caucasian, but she was so caked in dirt that her skin was a very dark brown. We ignored her at first, because she wasn't hurting anyone, but then she just kept coughing, and I seriously felt like I was going to throw up with how it sounded.
For the probably 5 minutes she was inside, not a single waiter or waitress said anything, other than bringing her a glass of water. Me and dad stood up, and said that if they didn't remove her from the restaurant, we would be leaving immediately. They apologized, and escorted her out, and when she walked by me the smell hit me. She smelled like a mix of body odor and rotting food, and i completely lost my appetite. The sushi chef apologized profusely and gave us a free roll, but we didn't even touch it, asked for the check, and left.
Are we the assholes here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
wC2WxCH1szwoJbDfXlNU6D3WkrOqgnMo
|
achkmc
| null |
AITA / WITA for letting a coworker from my part time job sleep over in my apartment?
|
I (27F) worked part time at a convenience store within a 10-minute-cycling distance from my then-apartment. I got acquainted with a coworker (30M, we'll call him Tandy) who already had a girlfriend at that time. I have never met his gf in person since I only met Tandy on work shifts. At that time I also had a boyfriend (33M, now ex, we'll call him Ficks) of just barely 1 month.
Tandy is generally a polite guy who just talks about small things with me during work, hence why I only view him as a friendly acquaintance. He never stroke me as attractive either. He worked night shifts for the convenience store I worked at for many years before I got recruited. One time he asked me if I had a bf or not, to which I answered "Not at the moment". (This was a while before I started a relationship with Ficks)
One day, Tandy asked if he could sleep over at my apartment for 1 month, two separate nights every week, and promised to pay me quite a bunch of sum of money in the end (about $200). Tandy said that his sister was married and had a baby crying every night which irritated him terribly. (He hates children.) Tandy said that he had been sleeping over in gym's chairs or some other sports facilities building he could find to spend the nights. (He regularly works out at a gym.)
His gf's house is too far from our workplace (about 7 train stations away), and since my apartment is only a 10-minute-cycling distance, he asked if I could let him sleep over at my apartment instead, to save commute time. He would be staying for 1 month only, since his sister would move out by the end of the month.
At that time I was in need of quick money (I was nearly broke af), so I thought about it over and over for a few times. I told Tandy that I already had a bf (Ficks). Tandy was disappointed (for lack of better term) and was about ready to cancel his request when I explained to him that I would want the money anyway.
Tandy then told me to keep this a secret from my then-bf Ficks. But that same night after I finished my shift and parted with Tandy (his shift was longer than mine), I proceeded to tell Ficks about Tandy's request, to ask for Ficks' opinion and permission. (My heart was beating with nervousness when I texted Ficks.) Ficks then wanted me to come over to his place the next day. I assumed he wanted to talk about Tandy. I made up my resolve and prepared myself for whatever reprimand Ficks would want to give me.
When I came over to his place, Ficks was silent for a short while, before finally asking me, "Are you sure about this? Can Tandy be trusted?" I explained to Ficks that I was in need of money, but even if I wasn't, I would still tell him anyway, because I'm the type of person who commits to being honest and keeps no secrets in an exclusive relationship. Although my relationship with Ficks was just barely 1 month, I treated it as a serious one since I don't want to pass time.
To my surprise, Ficks agreed to let Tandy sleep over in my house.
I told Tandy and he was glad. After sleeping over for the first night, Tandy invited me to a dinner at a restaurant as thanks. During one of the nights he slept over, Tandy told me about his sex life: that he has slept over with various FWBs, exes, and he commented that I might be a noob virgin since I have never slept with anyone at all in my life. I brushed that off with a laughter.
Before finally going to bed (Tandy slept on the couch), Tandy asked, "Do you want to have sex with me?" To which I replied, "No." in a flat tone. Then we both fell asleep.
One month passed with me and Tandy just sleeping in the same room, nothing of physical activity happened. Tandy also paid me the money he promised to pay at the end of the month. I showed Ficks the money (in a manner like a kid showing off his new toy).
WITA for letting a coworker sleep in my place while I had a bf of my own?
I would like to know what other people of any gender think of this event. Would you still allow your SO in doing these types of request if your SO gets paid by the requester?
​
Bonus 1: I broke up with Ficks after just 2-3 months because he turned out to be a manchild asshole with so many messed up attitude and red flags.
Bonus 2: Months after I broke up with Ficks, Tandy once again invited me to a dinner at a restaurant. He told me he broke up with his then-gf, because she begged him to marry her. Tandy has always told me that he doesn't want marriage and dislikes children. He also asked about my relationship with Ficks, so I told him that I broke up with Ficks.
On the way home after finishing dinner, Tandy suddenly pulled my hand and didn't let go at all. I started to feel uncomfortable, then asked him to let go of my hand. He replied, "Huh?" then proceeded to walk as if he heard nothing.
I brushed his hand off lightly. I said to him, "Sorry, because of my ex, now I can't trust people blatantly." in the most polite manner I could pull off. Looking awkward, Tandy apologized.
At home, I still continued to text him, "Thanks for the dinner." then talked about a few other small things before finally going to bed. This was the last time Tandy texted me (about 3 months ago last year). He doesn't have the balls to text me again at all until now.
I worked the same shift again as Tandy in the work place. I acted as if nothing happened and continued to talk with him as fellow coworkers. But outside of work, Tandy never texts me at all anymore.
I am just glad I didn't fall into his trap of quickly dating me after he broke up with his ex. I'm sorry, but I am not someone else's backup piece.
Additional info: in the work place there was no other young, attractive lady staffs other than me, so I am aware that he was trying to get close to me. It was a fairly small convenience store anyway.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
gE9xHc7AtWcP1KeuVvbubku6UA0KBAbD
|
aiojy7
| null |
AITA roommates S/O refuses to pay
|
AM I THE ASSHOLE????
A little back story :
I am in college (21/M) and I work at a small airport full time, and part of the deal I have is that i get a 3 bedroom house for 75 hours of work a month, anything after that i get paid for.
So for me i live rent free but i don't have much money cash wise,
I have 2 roommates that I charge rent to ($250/month x 2) but that's about all i get a month and we all split the utilites internet etc.
anyway,
one of my roommates S/O asked if she could live with us to get out of living with her parents, (22/F) never had a job,art major, brings her cat too
she said she would cook and clean and take care of things around the house. I was like yea, kickass, live in maid.
well she did that for the first week or so, made a meal every other night. it was great
after about 2 weeks though, she kinda gave up on all responsibility around the house. She'd leave dishes everywhere, steal my booze, stay up till 4 am with the TV turned up to loud, but i kept my mouth shut for the first 2 months.
there were times where she wouldn't leave the house for 3 weeks at a time, and she was no longer cooking or cleaning just making a mess and being the worst version of a roommate
I confront her about this and she said the she wanted to pay to live there instead of our original agreement, she says something along the lines of shes moving out in a month and when she moves out she will pay me $125 for the 3 months she's lived there
I said ok and was just happy because she was moving out.
fast forward 1 month and shes moved out, I ask about the money and she says she can get it to me at the end of the week, end of the week comes and my roommate goes over to her new place and i tell her to just give him the money and he can bring it back to me and we can all it good.
roommate comes back and says shes broke and has all these new expenses and shouldn't worry about getting the money from her
Am I The Asshole For Wanting The Money She Said She Would Give Me??
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
BZ0HRxVd8s0iEOwRb8VdFhTzJ5J8vZAB
|
ac1153
| null |
AITA My mom left our disabled cat in the care of my 17 year old sister without telling us to drive 2 hours away on an impromptu visit to her boyfriend’s.
|
My boyfriend and I have a disabled cat, Menow is her name. Menow has a degenerative mouth disease in which her brain thinks her plaque is attacking her gums, so she’s constantly in pain.
My boyfriend and I were going to his parents in Ohio for New Years and asked my mom if she could watch our cat. She agreed to watch her and when we dropped her of three days ago on the 30th we gave her all the supplies and food for the cat, and just asked that she update us on how things are going over text. At this point my mother told me nothing about any possible plans to go 2 hours away.
In messaging my 17 year old sister yesterday, I found out my mother had dumped all the cat stuff into her room and had driven 2 hours away on an impromptu trip the night before. In all 4 updates I got from the moment we left to the moment my mother left on her trip, there was no mention of her leaving my cat with my sister or of her trip at all.
My mother then allowed my sister to have a party at the house my cat was staying at with 3 friends I don’t know, and another kid, who in the one time I’ve met him, threatened to rip the claws out of one of our kittens with pliers if she scratched him again.
I don’t expect at all to control who comes in and out of another person’s house. That’s not my MO. But it bothered me that my mom just uppin left my cat with my sister without telling us at all. Not to mention that my sister, being under 18, wouldn’t have been able to get her vet care if something had happened.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
GrZjJnuu0pasgg45NWOvYr8pdGicdCva
|
aghyqq
|
{
"description": "not moving allowing someone personal space when they chose to sit up against me, instead of at one of the other spots available",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not moving allowing someone personal space when they chose to sit up against me, instead of at one of the other spots available?
|
So I'm sitting at an airport bar with my partner, waiting for a flight, and there's a long line of like 6 two seater tables alone the window. My partner and I were at the end one, and this couple comes in sits at the table right next to us. Our backs are facing each other and hers is rubbing on mine. I can feel it's heat and its shaking etc when she laughs. I'm not digging it.
My partner reckons I'm the asshole for not scooting my chair in further to allow her more space (I was taking up about 60% of the space between the two chairs) I'm stubborn I guess, because I just wanted her to sit somewhere else and I was trying to make a point by slightly passively aggressively accepting her back to back contact and not moving.
So, am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
uinJ5VBKH23YZk72mChQasIFcXN3blaQ
|
a67yaa
|
{
"description": "not sharing my tip with my fellow waiters at my \"non-tipping\" restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 61,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not sharing my tip with my fellow waiters at my “non-tipping” restaurant?
|
Okay so the restaurant I work at is pretty high end. Food is expensive, wait staff makes more than at a normal restaurant in terms of base salary. A few times a week celebs or obviously rich people will come in (it’s located in a pretty popular LA location so we expect it). Most of those people follow the no tip rule. But once in a while I’ll have someone give me a tip anyway.
The restaurant owners sort of turned a blind eye to it. I guess it was like a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. But lately some of the new waitresses have been complaining about it. Anyway, these men came in (one was an NBA player and the others were his friends, I guess. I’m not gonna say the name because it’s not relevant and might be against the rules).
Anyway, his bill was like $8,000 (they ordered bottles, which is why it got so high). He ended up leaving $10K, leaving me a $2K tip. Now I am by no means rich. I live in a studio apartment and work my ass off for my money. So this was a really big deal for me.
Anyway, one of the other waitresses found out and reported it to the one of the restaurant owners. So we ended up having this big group meeting with the wait staff, managers, and the owners about the no tipping policy. The owners announced they’re going to be stricter about the policy from now on and we are not to accept tips under any circumstances.
For customers who insist we’re now supposed to tell them that all tips will have to be turned over to some kind of common fund or something.
So the girl who reported me pipes up and asks about the tip I just got. The owners said it’s up to me whether I want to keep it but that it’s not going to be allowed in the future.
So that leaves me in a position to keep my tip or share it with the other waiters, which would leave me with like $150...
Tbh I’m really not inclined to split the money. Again, I’m not rich. Also holidays are coming up which are gonna leave me even broker. But I don’t want to be a terrible person either, you know? AITA for keeping it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
l0e4PGs3GqRM8wLFC37KSZnsLv6Qw3Cq
|
acrq4l
|
{
"description": "ditching a friend for inviting someone I didn't want to come",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA If I ditch a friend for inviting someone I didn't want to come
|
So me and a friend (let's call him Fred)and his girlfriend and her friend have a plan we've been planning for over a month. We finally are able to do it. Yesterday Fred ask if he could invite this one dude (let's call him FA) to hangout because he recently got dumbed and is sad. I told him no because he's a dick and I don't want to deal with him haggling money off Fred. (FA is way better off then Fred but always ask for money and shit anyway)
Anyways I woke up today with FA in the plan group chat. He says he wants us all to go to a burger place. Which he won't pay for and we all gotta ride the bus, it's a hour bus drive from where we are meeting. He's already called me autistics and retarded for telling him it's a hour bus ride. Instead of proving me wrong or giving any facts.
Am I the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
ujT9rqDlJwW2sUUDUvZX2o4IVQPuhZIO
|
b7ihkm
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to Kenya with my girlfriend and her family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to Kenya with my girlfriend and her family?
|
My girlfriend is half Kenyan and half Italian and was born in Kenya. She lived there until she was 11 years old then she moved to the UK (after her dad died). Every summer she goes to Kenya with her mom to visit family for a month. We’ve been together for 3 years and she wants me to come to Ethiopia with her for at least a week or 2. There are many reasons why I don’t want to.
1. A flight to Kenya is expensive,
2. I honestly worry about my safety. Africa isn’t really known for being super safe, especially for a white guy – I mean there was literally a terrorist attack there like a month ago
3. I’ll have to use up my vacation time for this trip… No offence but Kenya isn’t my idea of a vacation – it’s not like we’re going to be staying in a fancy resort.
So I told my girlfriend some of this (mostly the complaints about cost) and she said that her family will cover half the cost of the flight and we’ll be staying with family for most of it so it won’t be super expensive. When I said I was worried about safety she said I was being ridiculous and that Kenya is a safe country- Obviously ***she*** thinks so since she was born there and no one wants to talk negatively about where they are from, but I’m not used to it.
When I told her I didn’t want to spend my vacation time on the trip. She blew up at me and said thinks I’m an asshole and I'm making every excuse not to go and that I should **want** to get to know the place she was born and she has been ignoring me since Friday. I think she’s being a bit dramatic and is trying to force me to spend my own money on something I’m not eager about.
​
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
RMn8M9SudUy0N9yeS6g1DDX6NOdyQfPU
|
b9xb5n
|
{
"description": "being upset because my wife won't let me come to our newborn gender reveal ultrasound",
"pronormative_score": 58,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For being upset because my wife won’t let me come to our newborn gender reveal ultrasound?
|
Basically title.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
6Izu39jh7vjfEqRikncFosgizICAk4RK
|
b8tv20
|
{
"description": "demanding a pay back date from an \"old friend\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for demanding a pay back date from an "old friend"
|
So this is what happened: About 1.5 months ago some dude from HS (4 year ago but I have stumbled upon him a few times on town) asked me money ( I don't want to say the exact amount) to help him pay his GF's medical bills after a work related injury. I said sure why not, just make sure to pay on time. He agreed to pay me back after getting his salary ( day 20 of every month) and we went our way.
Time went on and he did not even bother to contact me so I decided to him ask him politely if he had already been paid and if he could pay me back. He replied "hey bro, just wait a little more". I really hated that kind of reply so I asked for a date for when he can pay me back. No answer, one day later I message him again asking the same thing, again, no answer. This really pissed me of as it was clear he did not want to give an answer (and probably pay me back) , so I send him a text saying something along the lines of " First of, I am not your Bro, and frankly i don't give a damn you Gf, it's none of my business, but I still helped pay her medical bills, so the least you could do Is have some respect and tell me when do you plan to pay me"
Am I the asshole for typing the last part?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Skw7ca5gy4EzKIcExDM3gVYWLDQyiSqI
|
arrkd5
|
{
"description": "not stopping after I saw a car go in a ditch",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not stopping after I saw a car go in a ditch?
|
I was driving home at night when the snow and ice really started coming down. I have a long stretch of highway to tend and I still have an half hour before I’m home. The roads are covered in snow and ice to the point I couldn’t see the lines anymore. The speed limit is 65 but I’m going less than 35 and I’m scared shitless. I’m at a steady pace with the cars in front of and behind me. All of a sudden a car passes me within a high rate of speed in the passing lane. A few minutes later he begins to swerve and crashes hard into the ditch. I’m too afraid to stop because of the horrible conditions and I just want to make it home safely. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
V9OPuwhZgih92Is7MJP8kqUHWhRWubcy
|
ac7qvk
|
{
"description": "fidgeting at work",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for fidgeting at work?
|
AITA for fidgeting?
I have a bad habit of fidgeting. I have anxiety I'm seeing a therapist for but I still constantly need to be doing something with my hands. It manifests most often as playing with my hair. I shower and wash my hair daily, I don't have lice or dandruff, I don't pull it out, I just play with my hair. I usually grab a lock and go to town twirling as it soothes me. I'm really subtle about it- minimal hand movements, no combing, etc. I do it at work as well, where my job is mostly one handed, I've never seen a customer, and I don't handle any food.
A supervisor from a different department calls me from my desk to the front of the room to talk to me. This supervisor isn't above mine in any way- he just manages a different department. My supervisor didn't say a word to me. The guy tells me that I play with my hair too much and it's really negatively impacting other people's work as they're busy staring at me playing with my hair, although he stated that my own performance is not affected.
I just have a lot of questions. I tried googling fidgeting at work but all I get is fidget toys and research or articles about the behavior. It's a hard habit to break as I've had it for years. Am I in the wrong for it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
rRm2zbBfiETyEDhgz5zCjhT7EdstaVWC
|
b8d9tr
|
{
"description": "asking my GM to kick a player from our game",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my GM to kick a player from our game?
|
I'll cut straight to the chase: Not a fan of this guy.
He is:
-Always late
-Always saying he might not make the session and then never making the session
-Always muting/deafening himself in the voice chat til the end of the session or for at minimum 30 minutes.
-Always saying "brb" and never coming back
-Always "pretending" to have internet issues and coming back saying "wow guys! just had this crazy thing happen..."
-Randomly disconnects for some reason, never comes back or explains what happened
-Never prepared when it comes to his turn ("Uhh yeah so what are we doing?")
-Rudely asks what we're doing...
-"'Sorry I'm bored...' I didn't say that, my character did." Yeah sure, okay...
-Responds rudely to questions or gives very short, frank answers like "Yeah, sure, whatever" when asked if he wants to join us with a group action.
My conflict here is that he's *in the discord* and kicking him would require us to find a new player. My GM is also my boyfriend, which complicates things a little, but it's genuinely disheartening to see him having to pretend to be this guy all the time. And it really sucks when my GM says "Alright who's next? John?" and there's just silence.
It's annoying and I find it disrespectful. Obviously, my boyfriend will not necessarily listen to me because I'm his girlfriend (it would seem biased, right?) so I have tried hinting at him but I would want him to decide to kick this guy on his own accord. Plus, he might have a different tolerance level than myself. I've talked about it just kinda quietly "Yeah... he's probably gonna say that he can't make this session."
What do you all think? Am I an asshole for wanting this guy gone? Should I bring it up to my GM?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3zpiC9lBQ6nFUV0XQzKw0nl2gyrSgfRG
|
9uvqdr
|
{
"description": "having my GF skip out on her favorite restaurant on her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA For having my GF skip out on her favorite restaurant on her birthday?
|
Bit of context, couple of days ago was my GF's birthday, so naturally she wanted to go out to her favorite restaurant for dinner, which is Olive Garden. I have stated multiple times to her whenever we go there that I absolutely despise that place, but I continue to go whenever she wants to. This instance I made it apparent just how much i disliked Olive Garden, and suggested that we find a compromise restaurant or try a different Italian place. She refuses to go anywhere else or try anything I suggest. I was upset, and was in a bad mood for a while, so she suggested that she could just order something off their to-go menu and eat it at home while I get some other food somewhere else. She seemed upset that she couldn't eat inside olive garden, and I feel kinda shitty that it happened on her birthday. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 20
}
|
WRONG
|
xKfIFSdp3ZEk7swXKu8R2YZi3fIP012N
|
ayq018
|
{
"description": "supposedly being racist in Year 3 / 2nd Grade",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for supposedly being racist in Year 3 / 2nd Grade?
|
This is the only place i could think to post this.
In year 3 (or 2nd grade for america) we had this display on the wall that had all our faces on it. Because of the way it was positioned in the corner of the room, one half was on one wall and one half was on the other. This caused a shadow to appear on only one half of the poster on the day this happened. So i was big into star wars at the time, and because of the shadow i said "Everyone on this side is on the dark side (points to the shadowed side) and everyone on this side is on the light side, it's star wars!"
Immediately a bunch of my classmates came up to me, pointing out that there was one black kid on the 'dark side'. It wasn't like he was the only one on the dark side. There were 14 white kids on the dark side too. Word got around the classroom real fast that i was a racist, and eventually the teacher caught wind of it. She confronted me about it and i got really stressed because if everyone in my class thought and said i was racist, my parents would probably be called or something. I'd get into big trouble. I did my best to explain myself, stating how i meant 'dark side' in reference to the shadow. I didn't end up getting into trouble.
So, was i being racist? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
hY62IBRUifITNBsbPdM1JjbADBYXbKPC
|
a5hf35
|
{
"description": "refusing my friends to watch boxing at their own homes",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for refusing my friends to watch boxing at their own homes?
|
AITA for not letting my friends enjoy their boxing and mma matches while i'm over at there places?
For some background let me explain, when we were younger my friends and I used to watch boxing and sometimes mma (like ufc) matches together and enjoy them but I lost contact with the group for a good few years. I kind of changed myself and didn't like violence or those type of sports anymore, I meditate and promote non violence. We all recently we reconnected and one friend invited me to his house, we all got together for a party, they had drinks, food and everything was prepared, it was great. One friend suggested he put a ufc event on tv and I refused him. It started a huge argument over it and they all said I should leave but as i'm one of the guests, I can't have a say what goes on tv? They all seemed really pissed off and one of them was even insulting me which he was serious about? AITA? I thought guests were to be treated with some respect? He can watch boxing or ufc or whatever when I leave surely?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
HHkHBT4YQqfKsbixREDl8kaE0WJUD9Z6
|
aup7id
|
{
"description": "not attending the tuition lectures my parents pay for",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not attending the tuition lectures my parents pay for.
|
This is probably not gonna be as intense as most of the other posts on here but his is something that really make me feel very guilty.
I guess it'd be helpful if I talked a bit about my background. I'm from an upper middle class family in India. I (19M) live with my parents in their house. I've never earned any significant amount of money and don't plan to get a job anytime soon. Currently I'm studying Computer Engineering at a good university. Oh and my parents just invested most of their savings to buy a new house and they'd been tellin my that they have financial issues since then.
So this is where my problem begins, I have never needed extra coaching or tuitions but my dad enrolled me for one and I have to go there. This basically makes its so that 5 days a week I leave my home at 7:30 am and come back after 9 pm with only around 2 hours of breaks (including the time it takes to commute). I did attend the first few lectures sincerely and tried to pay attention to what was being taught, but I literally cannot. And the fact that about 80% our syllabus is something I learned 5 years ago makes it even worse. I talked to my parents about this but they said that this year is the base and I need put in my best efforts...
Last week one of my friends decided to not attend one lecture and asked me if I wanted to bunk with him and his friends and I went with them. I've not attended any lectures since then. Btw I have had a near 100% attendance record for the last few years. My parents pay over 2 Lakh rupees (like $3-4k) just for the fees. I feel really bad that I'm wasting their money but I don't think I can sit through the tuitions.
I feel extremely bad about lying to my parents and basically wasting their hard earned money, but I really don't think I can keep this up for long, especially since they're being extra nice to me because they think that I'm forcing myself to attend.
I'm sure I'm gonna get some comments telling me to just attend those lectures and not pay attention. The problem is that
1. I could very well do that but that'd still make me feel awful and I don't think I can do that
2. I am probably being dumb but sitting through the lectures, and especially C programming (I've been studying it for at least the past 4 years) literally gives me a panic attack. I'm writing this at 1 am in the morning so it'll take some time for me to reply.
TL:DR: Don't wanna attend coaching classes for my 1st year Comp Engg program, but parents already payed for it. I haven't gone for over a week.Not attending makes me feel bad, but sitting through one makes me feel extremely sad. AITA? Even if I am being a dick, could someone please help me out here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
cMag8ljQVTbPL9uHTU3R41vZNTKszS5p
|
aex00x
|
{
"description": "being annoyed because my girlfriend pees so much",
"pronormative_score": 268,
"contranormative_score": 2100
}
|
AITA for being annoyed because my girlfriend pees so much?
|
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and living together for about two months. Honestly, I love her dearly and love the time we spend together, but the amount of times she has to inconvenience us by going to the bathroom has gotten extremely annoying. I feel bad for being annoyed by this, but hear me out.
We can’t go on drive any longer than 2 hours without her needing to stop. When we’re out shopping, at least once we always have to stop what we’re doing to find a bathroom, which can sometimes take up a lot of time. At dinner, I always have to wait after we pay so she can go. At night, she’ll get up while I’m sleeping etc etc. I know she can’t help it, and she’s only 20 and is perfectly healthy, but it’s seriously gotten on my nerves a ton.
I always have to pause a movie we’re watching or something she’ll even pause foreplay so she can go. I don’t know if she actually has to use the bathroom or is just doing it to annoy me at this point.
Am I actually the asshole for being annoyed by always being inconvenienced like this? I don’t want to mention it to her that it’s annoying me if I am the asshole here.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2093,
"OTHER": 161,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 107,
"INFO": 20
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 268,
"WRONG": 2100
}
|
WRONG
|
FvpF7nXvOPtxBqxMterfYIl3M4m06Jvt
|
a3zj02
|
{
"description": "disliking my mother",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for disliking my mother?
|
AITA for disliking my mother? I've always had issues with my own mother but recently I had enough and said things that maybe could've been left unspoken.
​
Apologize in advance as english isn't my first language and that this post might take a while to read.
​
I was playing games and talking with friends over discord in my room, when suddenly I heard a loud banging on my door. When I openend the door I saw my mother fuming and throwing stuff from the bathroom, that is located across my room, on the floor. (She does that quite often, throwing stuff around that is) And when I asked her what her problem was, she said, that she was having a talk with my younger brother (who was caught smoking weed, which she understandibly dislikes) and I was being too loud and the laughter irritated her. I asked her why she didn't ask like a normal person for me to be quiet first and her reply was:"because you always say you're busy but all you do is play games!" I replied angrily and said that saturday nights are the only time I actually have time to play games besides going to uni and working part-time. After I cleaned up the stuff on the floor, while getting berated I told her I'm done and slammed my door. She said she wasn't done and will cut the internet, to which I responded with:"Good, I don't care! I'm done playing anyways!"
​
Later when my father returned home he asked me to go downstairs to the living room and talk it out. I agreed under the condition that it will be a dialogue and not a monologue. But it turned out to be a monologue by my mother anyways.
​
There she kept going on that playing games only makes me a worse person, how it will affect my relationship with my GF, my grades at Uni and my work. It will also make me a more agressive person somehow. How I prioritize my friends over family and in general have a lack of respect for her authority. Why I can't have a better hobby.
​
I asked her what rational person would throw shit around in a fit of rage. - No answer.
​
I asked her how come my younger brother can stay out for days and be praised for joining a basketball club, while I get scolded when I started a gaming club/association (fighting games) with a friend. - "Atleast he is doing something to be active."
​
I asked why she always thinks what I'm thinking and doesn't let me talk - "Because I know you."
​
Fed up with her non-answers I said:"If you can't respect me as who I am how can you expect me to respect you? I'm going to be frank, I dislike everything you say and I don't even know why, I should as you said respect and love you but I can't bring myself to do it and I don't know why but this is the truth, you are irrational, don't want to make compromises, never apologizes and can't understand what makes me happy!" and walked away from the living room.
​
This incident happened 2 months ago and I still think about it and find myself at the crossroad:
On one hand I know she just wants for me to healthy and only wishes the best for me but on the other hand I don't understand why she can't just see who I am and what I truly like.
​
I will greatly appreciate all answers.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
QxqSax3yr59cPu7SNRoQbLkUVdxcl079
|
a1pv3h
|
{
"description": "not wanting to dive an hour to hangout without booze",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting to dive an hour to hangout without booze?
|
I know the title sounds *extremely* petty but there is more to it than that. Also, this happened awhile ago and all parties have been forgiven, I just want an outsider's point of view.
A couple months ago I was at work when I got a text from my friends asking if I wanted to come and hangout. Sounds simple enough except they're an hour drive away, my shift ends at 8, and the current time is around 5-6.
I tell them maybe and ask what we'd be doing as it is a commitment for me to get there, especially so short notice. After talking back and forth I learned that they don't have any booze (all parties involved at the time are under the age of 21) and told them I probably wouldn't be coming since we might as well chat on Discord as we usually do.
I got some "wow, really"s and was ridiculed for my decision. In the end I was able to get ahold of some Titos and ended up going. I realize how I may have dissed my friends, but AITA for not wanting to drive an hour on short notice to do something I could've done at home?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
dxeyYBk6pxQQDyCf6TaErdcvUVTkvKbT
|
b2jlsn
|
{
"description": "not wanting to deal with my BIL's slow friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to deal with my BIL's slow friend?
|
Recently my wife and I (26F/24M) helped her sister and her family up nearby us (27F/28M/9F/5M/4M). It was a difficult process as they didn't prepare or plan much and most of the details (such as hosting them and their three kids for a couple weeks) weren't worked out until they showed up on my doorstep. So, I struggled through the couple weeks in our tiny house pushed beyond comfort and the in-laws finally got enough cash together to get there own place. My wife watches their three kids Monday through Saturday so the house is always full except on my day off. But now my in-laws informed me that they are moving their friend who was homeless to come live with them (30M). I thought sure why not. Doesn't affect me at all... Well I was wrong. I guess years of drug use and the last year or so of being homeless had left him mentally challenged (their words not mine.) And he would need someone to watch him. So now they expect my wife to watch him along with their kids until he can "get on his feet" and support himself. But my in-laws work with me and we work pretty much all day six days a week and I don't think they will hurry along to prepare him to be on his own. AITA for not wanting my wife to babysit her sister's mentally challenged friend.
TL:DR: in-laws want a baby sitter for 30year old seemingly man child. And expect my wife to fulfill the duty.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
sRm5IeZaf51lllhwEXDP498Sg4qrNPJX
|
aszm1k
|
{
"description": "refusing to let my neighbors park in my free spot",
"pronormative_score": 237,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for refusing to let my neighbors park in my free spot
|
To cut a long story short my neighbor has about 4 cars, husband, wife + kids. I have lived inside this house for the past 18 years, they moved in about 3/4 years ago. At first I had no issues letting them park in my parking spot because I had no car. I’m not an asshole so I let them park their car there for years free of charge.
A few months ago I had the wife approach me and ask me if she could take half of my front garden to build herself a porch, I said no. I live in the UK so we don’t have porch where you can just park your car, it’s all street parking.
After I turned down her request she has stopped greeting me whenever she says me, fine I don’t care. I’d like to note at this point her family members were still using my parking spot.
Today she approaches me and informs me that she will start building her driveway taking up half of my property. I’d like to note that I don’t own the house, I just rent it. The council owns the house. She tells me that the council has given her permission to take up half of my front garden to build her driveway, lol ok. I again informed her that I don’t consent and that she cannot go ahead with her building plan.
This kind of entitlement has enraged me so I called up my brother who had a car and told him to come and park in my parking spot, he did. As soon as my brother parked his car, my neighbor the husband came out yelling at my brother telling him to move his car that was when I told him that he and his family members could no longer park on my spot.
The whole driveway issues confuses me and I will be calling the council later today to try and stop this crazy woman taking half of my garden!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 237,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 237,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
RIqCP5R5EdFat641MHHXZ63hJ1XKeGxV
|
arl3k2
|
{
"description": "treating our kids the same",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for treating our kids the same?
|
My boyfriend and I have three kids. We both have a kid from previous relationships that are the same age, and one together.
We recently noticed behavior problems from our two 6 year olds, which is probably due to the baby taking up a lot of our time. They both started getting serious attitude problems, and being overall disrespectful, ungrateful, and lazy. My boyfriend and I talked about changing the rules of the house and how they would both have to follow the rules or they could go to their rooms.
Now my boyfriend and I have different schedules, and most of the time I am caring for the baby, so I don't see a lot of the parenting that goes on between him and his son. Either way I was enforcing the rules with both of them when I was the one who was there and witnessing all of it.
Now with that being said my daughter did an almost 180 degree change. She is respectful, does what she is told without argument, takes initiative when she gets home to feed her pet, clean, and do her homework around 90% of the time, which is very good considering.
Now his son on the other hand has completely changed but it seems for the worst. If I could break down the way he acts I could sum it up by saying he reminds me of a two year old. You know a terrible two.
For example if he is hungry he doesn't ask for food he just yells "daddy HUNGRY" or "daddy thirsty". His dad has to literally DRAG him to the bathroom to have a bath. He refuses to learn how to read (by grade one here they need to know how to read), and based on his report card he is going to fail grade one. Basically his sons day consists of being on his phone all day long playing Roblox or watching YouTube.
Now with that being said, down to how I treat his son. Last night my boyfriend said I am a jerk to his son. When I asked how he basically started saying that I get him in trouble for everything, but those everything's he was saying were the rules that WE put in place. I tried explaining to him that I treat them equally, the problem is that his son wasn't responding or doing what he is told. I know that his dad lets him get away with breaking the rules because I have witnessed it myself, and I call him out on it, but apparently I am an asshole for that.
I feel like I'm not the asshole here because I feel like he is undermining me to his son, I mean of course I would come off as the mean parent because I'm the one enforcing the rules we set out.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ggwk8Qf6OM2pz4EMYEIOqOMqg0vfu2GJ
|
b64y15
|
{
"description": "not wanting my gf to drive my car",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my gf to drive my car?
|
Context:
Me (22M) and my gf (19F) live more than 30kms away from eachother. We always stay at my place during the weekend, and during weekdays we don't see.
​
Situation:
My gf got the driving license at the second attempt, but had no occasion to drive for two months since she had no car. I occasionally gave her my car just to drive a little bit, but she is so insecure, that she makes me so fucking anxious that we need to stop and drive myself.
For instance: it happend more than once that she asked me to stop right before a crossing without traffic light because she couldn't do it.
​
This is the only car I have, I have a 20kms commute for work and the nearest bus stop form my house is 1,2kms away, plus my house is on a hill, maybe about 500m of elevation. (So walking or using a bike is impossible).
Also, she now has a car but it seems that her parents don't have the money for fuel and she is still going to school.
​
AITA for not wanting her to drive my car?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ePQXUN5S2bhkwbq7kwvc0APjJCj1cWko
|
a6rlcu
|
{
"description": "being disappointment about getting pajamas for my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being disappointment about getting pajamas for my birthday?
|
Hey y'all, it's my birthday today. Hooray 🎉🎉🎉. I just turned 19 and my parents got me a pair of LOZ pajamas. I had to fake my interest, I don't even wear pajamas. Should I just suck it up and be glad my parents care? Do birthdays just get really boring once you're an adult?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
oQqtLaRghehThrAnXT8xehNd8HaYnVIm
|
athnjq
|
{
"description": "being upset with my gf who got really upset that I changed my mind about having sex",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being upset with my gf who got really upset that I changed my mind about having sex.
|
Backstory:
I am a 20 yo male who works 40+hours a week in a kitchen as a head cook. It’s tiresome and I feel like a work horse every day. But I love it so I do it, even tho my hourly rate sucks. I also have bipolar disorder and when I’m depressed my sex drive is really low bc I think very lowly of myself. My gf (20) knows this and doesn’t expect sex out of me during these times. But has also stated that she gets sad when we don’t have sex at least once every two days. I also work mornings only and am used to going to bed around 11
After a 7am-4pm shift with no breaks, I hung out with some friends until my gf got out of work at 11pm. I head over to her place after grabbing the only meal I had yesterday, McDonald’s.
The tifu or not:
We started snuggling and kissing and I got turned on and decided to ask if she wanted to pip pip the diddly doo (not verbatim) and she asked me if it was a pity fuck bc she’s sad. I said no, that I genuinely want to fuck her. She then said that she knows that if we fuck now we won’t fuck tomorrow or the next day or on my bday which we’ve been planning. I said that it was okay and that I’d be down to fuck her anytime, rn, tomorrow morning, midday, and pm. But she said that I’m tired, this was around midnight, and we were already lying in bed.
We continued to kiss but I was getting a little turned off by the tuna taste from earlier and suggested that we should both go brush our teeth before bed. She refused. We keep on talking about harmless random things.
Around 12:45, she pulls me out of a really long blink and starts kissing me. My dick gets hard, I was a little turned on but way too tired to fuck. But the fact that my body simulated morning wood got her really horny and I could tell. I say preemptively “I’m really sorry baby I’m a bit too tired to have sex tonight” and that’s when shit hit the fan. She started saying that it was bullshit, that I was clearly turned on and that she wouldn’t get this opportunity for a while so she wants to jump on it. I said that would have been awesome forty minutes ago, not when I’m half asleep. I got upset that she had that position. And she thinks I’m the asshole for being upset about it.
She pushed me off the couch, in a playful way, but she stayed in the living room for ten minutes before storming into her room to grab a cig, which she knows that I’m not a huge fan of but I never get upset at her for doing innocuous things bc it’s her own life not mine. She continued to fight until 2:30am and brought it up this morning before her boxing class.
I’m at a loss. I’m kinda having a hard time figuring out how I should feel regarding this and kinda need help. How can I facilitate the resolution of this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
WVHnZQbYv1ueXXd8VTgBv0Q7vaMK3Axz
|
b2ozu3
|
{
"description": "telling two of my friends that I don't want them to be my bridesmaids anymore",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA If I told two of my friends that I don't want them to be my bridesmaids anymore?
|
We used to be a group of 6 really tight friends from high school, but then we started drifting a bit. I have been engaged for 3 years and talking abut my bridesmaids the entire time. Right after I got engaged, I immediately asked all 6 of them to be my bridesmaids and we have gone bridesmaids dress shopping many times, even though we haven't actually bought any yet. I am still really really close with 4 of them, but every single time we would plan something to hang out the other 2 (sisters) would bail out, save for birthdays. Sometimes for legitimate reasons, other times for bullshit. One of them even missed my first baby shower (which I had planned MONTHS ahead of time) because she never asked off work. Meanwhile, I have done this many many times for her. They used to host get-togethers and holiday parties all the time, but now they never do, or at least they never invite us.
​
I just don't think that they should be my bridesmaids if they won't put in the effort to keep up our friendship. They will answer if we text them, but that's about it. I don't know how to tell them either. I'm thinking about just telling them that their aren't enough groomsmen for them to be in the wedding party. WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
VMtMX9RB2NF6pCNk0OHePGNK9lYcCSrN
|
b12y9f
|
{
"description": "not wanting my dog anymore",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for not wanting my dog anymore?
|
Throwaway, etc, etc. I understand that this question already sounds bad, but I'd like to explain a little and see if I am out of line or if my feelings make sense. TL;DR at the bottom.
​
There are four dogs at my house. One is mine and my fiancee's, one is my sister's and her BF, and two are the family pets (my parent's dogs, although I pay the medical expenses). They are 1, 3, 8, and 10, respectively. They all got along fine for the longest time, but in the past 6 months or so there have been issues with my sister's dog (lab/pit mix) and the 8 y/o (white german shepard) have been getting into it when they are in the same space. We've been keeping them in separate parts of the house and let them out at different times, but it's not an ideal situation. If a door is left open or a baby gate goes down, they go at it, biting and latching on and won't let go unless we get between them and break it up. One time the 8 y/o got a bite on the leg bad enough that we took her to the vet, and while we were there we found out she had 10-15 mammary tumors. The vet said unless it's proven otherwise, it is most likely cancer. Looking back, there have been other signs like significant weight loss and appetite changes that also point to cancer. We think they may be fighting because the 3 y/o can smell that she is sick and is vying for the alpha spot, or the 8 y/o is uncomfortable and senses aggression from the younger one and wants to defend herself but, I digress.
​
In recent weeks, the 8 y/o has been becoming harder and harder to deal with. She has been rougher with the other two dogs (pushing them around, mouthing their necks), and has been a lot more anxious and vocal. She is constantly whining if someone is not near her and barks at everyone, even if they just changed their shirt and came back. She doesn't listen to commands most of the time, and her attitude is getting to the point where I really just don't want to deal with her anymore. I feel bad because she was a good dog until recently, and I'm not sure what is the exact cause of the change. If it's because she is sick and she is in pain or extremely uncomfortable, she isn't physically acting like she is at that point. She still runs and plays and is not lethargic like one would expect from a girl in her late stages.
​
Long story short, I don't want her to be put down, but I don't want to have to deal with her and the stress she is putting on the other dogs anymore. Unfortunately with my family and with her health and age, those are kind of the only options. So I ask, AITA for feeling this way?
​
TL;DR: My 8 y/o white german shepard has cancer, and is causing issues with the other dogs at the house, fighting with one of them. AITA for not wanting to deal with her anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
AlSfy6BsgAKO1AxXdFEuGy1nxolXffbW
|
b6srdz
|
{
"description": "inviting an ex to a concert and asking them not to post anything on social media",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for inviting an ex to a concert and asking them not to post anything on social media?
|
Hi Everybody!
​
Quick back story. Ex and I were together for roughly 5 years. We drifted apart and eventually ex dumped me. We stayed friends afterwards and eventually became FWB until ex moved out of state. We remained friends but contact slowly stopped because both of us suck at keeping in touch with people. We send the ocassional "hi, how are you message" and do see each other (usually get drinks, hookup, etc) when in the others state but that is the extent of the friendship. Both of our families live in our hometown (where they currently live too). I live elsewhere.
​
The current situation. A concert is coming up in our hometown. It is someone I have always wanted to see and someone they have seen a bunch of times. My ex is also the person that got me in this genre of music. I don't have anyone else to invite and was considering inviting them. However, I would prefer my family not to know that I plan to ask the ex to go. I don't need approval or anything but I just don't want to answer a million questions. I really value my privacy. I also do not have any form of social media besides Snapchat. My ex does and she is still friends with my family. So I kinda want to ask her not to post anything that may lead back to me.
​
This sounds kinda shitty so I'm checking in with Reddit before I do anything stupid.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
saOnMdssmSiV4h6ajSQr4KAJssMJjplE
|
auhkjs
|
{
"description": "wanting to kick one of my bestfriends girlfriend out of our house",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for wanting to kick one of my bestfriends girlfriend out of our house?
|
AITA? Well, long story short a very good friend of mine didnt have such great luck out in LA and ended up homeless. I had always offered my home where I live with my parents to him if he ever needed it , a room, a hot meal and time to get on his feet with no strings attached. BUT he ended up bringing his first serious girlfriend whom he was homeless with. Which I was fine with at first, however things turned sour rather quickly . They fight ALL the time , not the occasional couple argument no. I mean like she full on cries hysterically like a grown baby , and they both say the MOST horrendous things to each other that you should never say to someone you love . They hit each other and throw things all over the room . Its been over a year of this and the fights are horrible. I love my friend and hes said how he just absolutely "feels" that she is the one and that he just can't put his finger on it but he just wholeheartedly believes their relationship will work out in the end when everyone else doesnt . He threatens to kick her out all the time but never goes through with it. he calls her a whore , a psycho. And she calls him a loser and a piece of shit and well ...just all manner of crap . They both have jobs but they refuse to save up any money To get up off their feet they spend it on wish or amazon and cigarettes but never put anything away. Usually peoples expenses would be absolutely NONE of my business but its been a year and they shouldve been way better off by now but they arent . Its frustrating my parents and they give ME a lot of shit about it . And its driven a noticeable wedge in our friendship every time I try and sit and talk to him about the situation. Point is I did this for HIM not her, but our good intentions have been lost on him and reasoning just wont do . So AITA and my parents for wanting to kick his girlfriend out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
gfQK2e4fKZ62CxXBvQqcEk669A8ssiLR
|
awhjgq
|
{
"description": "rejecting a girl because she is from Israel",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for rejecting a girl because she is from Israel?
|
1- Sorry for formatting , on mobile
2- This is a throwaway
3- Tl;Dr at the end
Ok so I am a 17 years old male from Palestine (but I have the Jordanian nationality)
I moved in to the USA when last year (school wise) ended.
When this year started I didn't think that I'd meet anybody for the first few weeks but surprisingly.
A guy asked me to come sit with him and his 4 other friends 4 males & 2 females,including me.
I sat with them and we talked and it was pretty fun didn't expect my first day to go this way and it was pretty fun
First Friday of school-year comes and they asked me if I wanted to hang out with them so I said sure.. I was a bit skeptical about being friends with one of the girls because she was from Israel and because I am a bit sensitive when it comes to Palestine and stuff but said I'll just hang out with the group and I'll give her a chance since she's the first person from Israel that I've met
The group & I hung out for months and the Israeli girl (let's call her Maya) was funny, outgoing and a person that you'd love hanging out and she's really pretty. Way out of my league.
Before Valentine's she asked me if I'd like to be her Valentine but just as a joke, because why not and she'd like to know more about me and just have a 1on1 conversation with me. I said sure and to be honest hanging out with her alone was more fun than being with the group because we did a lot of things since it only needed both of us agreeing to do this thing rather than 6.
She told me she'd like to do it again and we just hugged and went home.
We hung out a few times when she asked me if I was down to go on an actual date with her I told her I need to think about it and I'll let you know.
Now the thing is when I date someone I'd like to make sure that there is a possibility of marriage. Like if we loved each other and everything went well nothing will stop us. Which is why I rejected her because everytime I tell somebody that I am hanging out with someone from Israel they'll look shocked and just say that they're really sad about me doing that and just 'selling' my country.
Her parents hate me & my parents hate her just for the fact that we're from 'enemy' nations
I told her that I can't because I don't think things will work because of our society and no one would accept the fact that A Palestinian man is married/dating an Israeli girl.
Am I the asshole?
TL;DR : Rejected a girl I went out with on a few "fake" dates because we're from nations that hate each other.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 17,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 22
}
|
RIGHT
|
e59Pxr6Af5u2kEUbipAFOZBg4pcVeWnv
|
a80xdk
|
{
"description": "telling my friend, who was falsely accused of sexual assault at work, to not contact my contacts without asking me first",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For telling my friend, who was falsely accused of sexual assault at work, to not contact my contacts without asking me first?
|
You will need to assume the following as true: my good friend had a vindictive person make a false sexual assault charge about him at work (she has a pattern of doing this). He lost his job. Really horrible that it happened. Now he has a job helping family friends w/ some online content.
Anyway, I have a small list of friends in the arts, some of whom are clients, others are collaborators. He meets one at a show where she performed (we went to see her). She finds out about the allegations that evening, but acts fine-ish about it. A month later, he proceeds to slide into her DMs on instagram (she doesn't follow him, they have had no online or other contact) asking her to do acting work for a marketing campaign.
All I can think is "This **** didn't think I should be the one asking her if she'd want to do the work after she hears he may sexually assault ppl? 1) More likely she'd say yes if it wasn't out of the blue 2) Now she's gonna be too afraid to talk to me because of the company I keep randomly messaging her." I get that he didn't deserve what happened to him but can he at least try and not screw up my friendships/have some tact? Maybe I'm the asshole. Merry Xmas from Chicago, regardless.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
DIejgE0arXF3fD5pQHAXpjBqK410bzbK
|
b6t7gk
|
{
"description": "knowing that my past marriage would not work out long term",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA For knowing that my past marriage would not work out long term?
|
Burner for reasons
The title pretty much speaks for itself. I was married for about a year when i realized that my marriage wouldn't work out long term we just had different outlooks on life. She wanted kids. and well I did not. She expected me to get proper schooling and i never wanted that. There were more things that were expected of each of us that the other never wanted. and sadly to say we had a lot that we enjoyed doing in the moment in life in general. it was just the future we could never agree on.
At a year in we had a fight about kids (and I am the type of person that likes to think and plan everything i can out so I am not hurt or surprised by outcomes). after this fight i sat down on the couch and thought about what i was going to do if she left me and i realized i couldn't do anything the job i was in was promising but i just wasn't in a position where i could afford to live on my own. So i decided that I would try my best to make our marriage work but never lie to her. i always showed my disinterest in kids never said i would do or have any interest in any of the things she expected of me. Along the way i also stopped expecting things of her knowing it would not work out.
Then it finally came I was promoted given a good salary. Boom finally i could afford to move on with my life. soon i filed for divorce and here I am finished with the divorce and after having a discussion with a friend telling him this then being called an asshole. So i extend the question to you Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
bqm11Kqpn4CHD27Dh4pOYAotp1TY8ggF
|
b9kyqq
|
{
"description": "not wanting a woman's circle or Man's circle to happen in my home",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting a Woman's circle or Man's circle to happen in my home?
|
Personally, I think it is up for debate about whether groups based on sex is a good thing or not. But, the main reason I don't want these groups in my home is that I like to live in a relatively politically free space and I have experience that these circles can sometimes digress into anti-opposite sex... let me know what you think.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
H0apRJ3e70A3XWoaEiy00t0yAO6ZDw7g
|
app27s
|
{
"description": "not wanting friend to crash in hotel room",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting friend to crash in hotel room?
|
Group of 4 college buddies (now all in their 30s) agreed to split a 2 queen beds room in Vegas. After flights purchased one of the 4 dudes says his friend might "crash" with us 1 or 2 nights. I think 5 guys is too crowded regardless of whether crashing includes some form of payment. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OpzV9kXoiZBxR31Yzt2iPs18kMqcD4dd
|
aoke6h
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend for not letting my 14 year old son have a birthday party at his house",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I break up with my boyfriend for not letting my 14 year old son have a birthday party at his house?
|
Background: I have been in a relationship with a man for 3 1/2 years. We've broken up briefly a couple of times. The first time he mentioned that part of his issue is that I have a son, not so much that he doesn't like him, just that he's there. He's not mean to him or anything. He has a grown son who lives in another state who he adores and he sees his greatest role in life as being a father to his son. The boyfriend came into my son's life when he was 10 years old, he's turning 14 tomorrow. My boyfriend makes a lot more money than I do and he has a big nice 5 bedroom house that he lives in alone, although he usually sleeps at my house. I, being poor, have a house that has a lot of damage from when I had a leaking roof and we had unprecedented rainfall a couple of years back. The plaster on the ceiling has fallen down and the plaster walls are crumbling. It's really in rough shape. My homeowners insurance wouldn't cover it and I have not yet had the money to repair it. I've tried to do some repairs myself but I have no idea what I'm doing so I've just given up until I can hire someone to do the work. My son is embarrassed by our current living conditions and he doesn't want to have friends over.
When I first started seeing this man he wanted us to stay at his house more. My son would get bored there because he didn't have TV service and the internet reception was crappy, so my boyfriend bought an xbox and said it had to stay at his house. He would let him have friends stay over and things were good for awhile, until one day he just didn't want him there anymore and brought the xbox to my house, which was fine. He would still let him have friends stay over from time to time. So my son's birthday is tomorrow and I asked my boyfriend if he could have a couple of friends over. He said he wanted to think about it. I asked him again yesterday and he said, "why does he have to have a birthday party? I never got to have a birthday party. I would just go out for pizza with my family." So basically he said no.
So the problem that I have is not so much that he can't have his friends over, it's the feeling of rejection that I'm feeling for my son. My boyfriend tries to be all spiritual and says stuff like, "I've been blessed, the things I have aren't mine. I need to share them with other people." He has said that specifically about his house.
And I'm not saying he's a bad guy. He's nice and he has helped me financially from time to time with a few hundred dollars when I've been broke broke or really needed something. The thing is though, that he takes no interest in my son or in wanting to spend time with him. He buys him food sometimes when he comes over and he's always polite and never mean.
TL:DR: Boyfriend used to let my son stay at his house with friends sometimes but won't let him for his birthday. My house has a lot of damage that needs to be repaired and we can't have people over.Bigger issue is that he takes no interest in my son. I'm thinking about breaking up with him over this.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
kaetC4WOTqgkh1rGlgj7kqzUzAx5kTZV
|
arqpay
|
{
"description": "telling a customer service rep not to interrupt me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling a customer service rep not to interrupt me?
|
So i have about 8 hours worth of flying today (not including the time spent in my lay over.
I am going from Las Vegas > LA > JFK.
My layover is 45mins.
I planned on carrying my bag on the plane but last minute was told to check it because they ran out of space.
I was worried because of my short lay over if there was a chance my bag won’t make it too the connecting flight.
So i took this concern to the front desk. She told me i could not carry my bag on the plane. Still nervous, i tried to ask if there was a big possibility of my bags not making it to the connecting flight. Before i could finish my question she just kept repeating that i can’t take this bag on the flight. This wasn’t even my goal. I have medication BURIED under my stuff. I was curious if there was a big chance of my bag not making it. And if I should go thru the trouble (and believe me it would be a hassle) to collect my things.
I’m already exhausted so I snapped and said “if you weren’t interrupting me i could tell you that is not what I am asking” to which she rolled her eyes and began to shuffle some papers, then she snapped back if it was an issue i should try and find another flight.
I work retail and try to treat others how I would like to be treated. But she really made me feel like an ass hole for trying to figure out the situation I was in.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
DV07xp9qrqlibf4KpMRqSsOIpL3zvxF1
|
apsmax
|
{
"description": "not tipping a bartender I used to flirt with",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for not tipping a bartender I used to flirt with?
|
There's this really attractive female bartender that works at the main bar next to my university. I (male) have been talking/flirting with her for the past few months every weekend that I go out. Typically, I'll be completely belligerent though and I usually struggle to remember our conversations the next day. Also, the bar gets packed and it's difficult to talk to her in the first place.
I never really thought about making a move for a few reasons.
1. She's seen me hit on other girls consistently for the past few months.
2. She's older than me, working at a bar, and I assumed she didn't want anything to do with a guy still in college.
3. I didn't want to make things weird at the bar I frequent so often (shitting where you eat kinda thing)
However, recently she followed me on Instagram at like 4am without even knowing my username meaning she looked up my name (that she knew from my credit card). Also, the other bartenders told me and my friends that she was talking about me to them.
So I got hopeful and decided to message her on Instagram. She left me on seen then replied days later. I waited a few days and replied just to be left on seen again. I didn't really think anything of it, but then the next time I went to the bar, we barely talked and then she stopped serving me drinks because I was "too drunk" apparently. She went so far as to tell all the other bartenders not to serve me. I think this is because I didn't tip her since I was upset that she wasn't messaging me back.
I was pissed off at this point and it probably showed. I was told later that I left the bar when it closed flipping off all the employees saying "I'm never coming back to this shitty bar ever again"
Then I unfollowed her on Instagram but she stayed following me.
Next weekend, I saw her and tried getting a drink from her. She walked right by and took everyone elses drink orders except mine. Finally she got to me so I asked if she was going to cut me off again. She said she would if I kept giving her attitude. I was taken aback and just bluntly told her to get me my drink. She slid me my drink and the check without even looking at me and walked away without saying another word. Again, I didn't tip her.
I messaged her later that night asking why she was acting like that - just for her to leave me on seen again. I was blacked out drunk at this point so I got mad and decided to just block her completely. Today I unblocked her though and there was an unread message from later that night saying I was the one acting out, not her.
So AITA for not tipping her? Or is she the asshole for following me on Instagram just to not reply to my messages then give me the cold shoulder when she saw me? Judging by her actions, it seems like she was only talking/flirting with me before because I tipped her well. Then as soon as I tried talking to her outside of work / not tipping her, she felt no reason to be nice so she started being an asshole towards me. Curious to see what y'all think!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
1ya6Pt71mq4sVUklXdi3JL3SQPfEl8rv
|
agb9en
|
{
"description": "potentially screwing a classmate out of a major assignment after he didn't do his work",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for potentially screwing a classmate out of a major assignment after he didn’t do his work?
|
I’m head of design for my high school’s robotics team. We lost our corporate $5,000 sponsor this year so our instructor had to assure that we each pulled in enough money to keep the team afloat. Each student needed to get $300 in sponsors from local businesses before the end of Christmas break. (This was a 300 point assignment worth about 40% of our grade) The alternative to finding sponsors was working community service at the concession stand during basketball games after break. Anyone who signed up to work the games had to work 3 games to pull in the appropriate amount.
I personally ended up in charge of organizing the shifts and we had a few to many people sign up, so I asked around to see if people were willing to find sponsors over the break instead of working the games. To my surprise those that I asked said they’d get it done over break. While most of them kept that promise, one of them didn’t pull in a cent and just today asked to sign back up for concession stand work. I told him they were still full and he proceeded to accuse me of not letting him in because I didn’t want him to pass the class. While I couldn’t care less about his grade, was it wrong of me to deny him the opportunity to earn his points back?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
oLNrv808Rzbw0zoG5BYPi5d05191sQKA
|
b29517
|
{
"description": "being upset that I'm the one who's always compromising",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being upset that I’m the one who’s always compromising?
|
Okay, so my friend has an issue, but she doesn’t have reddit. So I’m posting for her with her consent.
A friend of mine has been dating this guy for seven years. They have a great relationship. She does everything and anything this guy wants to do, but lately she’s been feeling upset. She likes to volunteer. The issue is when it comes to her wanting to do stuff, like volunteering, in 7 years, he’s only gone with her one time. So the issue is she she feels like she’s putting in more effort than her boyfriend.
Does she have a right to be upset? Is her boyfriend an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
5XJ0tCQubGyf9VugJAbWunq0UTuXhBHK
|
b40g0g
| null |
AITA: My partner adopted a SEVENTH rescue dog behind my back. I put my foot down and won't let him bring it home -- it stays at his business alone overnight. We just discovered it has cancer and I still don't want to bring it home because then I "lose" to his emotional manipulation yet again.
|
**Background:**
* Partner and I together for 11+ years
* He had 6 rescue dogs at the start, 4 of them special needs
* 2 dogs die. We discuss ***on numerous occasions*** that 2-3 dogs is ideal headed forward
---
**~5 years ago**
Partner is friends with a dog foster parent, who proceeds to (IMO) emotionally manipulate him over the next few years.
* ~5 years ago: He gets 2 rescue puppies without telling me. That dog foster parent contacts him alone because she KNOWS he can't say no to dogs in need
* ~3 years ago: The foster parent calls him up out of the blue and says they have a dog that needs a home. Another rescue dog behind my back = 6.
* Last week: she calls him again: an abused dog with 3 legs. The dog had a tumor in one of his legs which was amputated a few weeks ago. The dog is adorable, fuck.
My partner adopts a 7TH DOG without consulting with me. He tells me that it will stay at his business (he owns a small retail shop) and that's at least better than it dying in a kennel. I'm angry but what can I do -- return the dog to the shelter and have it killed?
---
**ONE week goes by:**
* He wants to bring the dog home overnight so that it isn't at the shop alone
* Currently my partner has to stay there until ~midnight every night because --SURPRISE-- dogs need to go outside to pee and poop.
---
**Today:**
* We discover that the dog *probably* still has cancer that has spread.
* I still *kind of* don't want to bring the dog home because that means my partner "wins" and gets his way, exactly as he ALWAYS does.
* He says that if anybody in my family needed a place to stay then he would never say no. I don't think that's a fair comparison; the point isn't the dog, it's the emotional manipulation and doing things without my input.
* If I ***knew*** the dog was going to die soon then I would bring the damn thing home. But then if the dog *doesn't* have cancer then we just have yet ANOTHER dog in the house and he gets his way again -- the same as always.
---
**I should note:**
* I LOVE dogs. I wish every dog could have a loving home, but there is a limit
* 6 dogs = a part-time job. We can't both be away from the house for more than like 8 hours at a time. No weekend getaways, forget about vacations.
* **This manipulative and inconsiderate behavior is making me seriously consider ending the 11-year relationship.** Admittedly, one thing preventing me is that I would miss those damn dogs, and I'm in no position to own a dog on my own.
---
**So I know HE is being a manipulative asshole here, but am I ALSO an asshole??**
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
FNTrTvYEHJrGGISDoqUPDKYX395dbV4d
|
b4zj3t
|
{
"description": "cumming on my girlfriend without asking for consent",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for cumming on my girlfriend without asking for consent?
|
In short, had sex, gf wanted to cum again (masturbating), she did. Decided I would aswell, gf was into it -bending over etc. Just before reaching climax I lean over her so its obvious I'm going to cum on her -though theres about 4 seconds or so where she could object. She doesn't and continues what she's doing as though she's into it, I cum on her ass.
Shortly after I'm cleaning her up she brings up consent. I feel like what I did was appropriate given the context. She acknowledges she had the opportunity to object but says she felt like she 'had to' let me finish. She acknowledges that what I did wasn't that bad but is still unhappy that I did it. Am I out of order for having done it? I feel like it wasn't unreasonable and that in a relationship consent is more likely to be implied.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 19,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 16
}
|
RIGHT
|
meR8nFrOfSv94pvL8LHvFknXsiTEMD4K
|
9yrvk8
|
{
"description": "laughing of my mother's face of pain over my grandmother death",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for laughing of my mother's face of pain over my grandmother death?
|
That happened about 8 years ago, never talked about it before, not even with my mother.
First of all, i should state that i love my mother, and it's reciprocal. We don't have any "family issues". Also, i loved my grandmother.
My grandmother was in the hospital for about 1 month, some hard 30 days...
Finally, I was watching TV on the living room when my mother entered the room and ,starting crying, told me that my grandmother just died. She said it with some kind of grimace that during half a second seemed funny to me, and i just laughed at it. Inmediatelly i felt like a piece of shit. And it's something that has been haunting me periodically over these years.
So, AITA for laughing? Or AITA for giving it too much importante?
English is not my mother tongue; please excuse any errors.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
mRGpZpviyojqVw4KvDiYDU9Y6UwRMr89
|
ah0gsk
|
{
"description": "insisting to open the car door for my partner",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for insisting to open the car door for my partner?
|
I’m poor. I work weekends and go to school during the week. I have a really crappy car. A combination of anxiety and a history of car accidents makes driving the crappy car with all its quirks and sounds overwhelming for long distances, because the sounds are very indicative of things that are wrong with it (both made up things in my irrational head world and real things I know from a trusted mechanic that I can’t afford to fix yet).
The horn doesn’t work. The airbags don’t work. So that with all the other mechanical issues it has, the thing is a death trap. But my fear of driving it has become exponentially more irrational as time goes on.
I don’t even drive it to work anymore, an 11 minute drive on the highway. I will still drive it to school, a 5 minute drive that I can take side roads for. Also trips to the store are bearable because it’s just a few blocks.
One thing wrong with the car is the inner passenger door handle is cracked in pieces that can still be held together to open the door. Not a big deal. But when people use it after a trip I already am pretty anxious about the car falling apart so it just gets under my skin.
My partner and I live together and he doesn’t drive. When we go places I’ve asked several times for him not to use the handle and just let me open the car door for him from the outside. I worry that it will break. He makes a rational case, but it doesn’t matter to me in those moments. I know that the handle will probably not break to the point of being unusable.
But i feel like since it’s my property and I pay all the car related bills and the least he could do is not use it in a way that adds to my anxiety.
AITA for insisting?
They’re my problems and I generally don’t expect anyone to tiptoe around my irrational feelings but I feel like this is one thing I don’t like about the car that I can actually control.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
hTN84js7POQRXjr9yO522dBlNy8Z71wM
|
b8ak4n
| null |
AITA: argument about beyoncé cheek kiss ordeal
|
My boyfriend (23M) and I (21F) were watching one of our favorite Youtubers (Phillip de Franco) earlier and he mentioned a story about some friend of Jay Z and Beyoncé kissing her on the cheek. He went in for a cheek kiss, then they hugged, and then he kissed her cheek a second time but closer to her mouth and she became visibly uncomfortable.
My boyfriend starts ranting about how people put Beyoncé on such a high pedestal and that people say she’s so powerful and can do whatever a man can do but that if all that was true then some random man wouldn’t have been able to make her feel uncomfortable because she should’ve had the strength to stand up to him.
I argued that it doesn’t matter who she is, he obviously crossed a boundary and it isn’t okay that she felt uncomfortable. There’s men every night that I go out that make me and my best friend feel uncomfortable and we have to find ways to gracefully remove ourselves from those men who cross our boundaries without making a fuss. Making a fuss would only anger or embarrass the men, and we don’t want to risk pissing off a guy who would end up hurting us. No matter how much power we as women have, men are generally physically stronger than we are and we have to be careful.
I feel like the solution is that we all as humans respect each other’s boundaries. I grew up with a French grandma, my family does the whole “bisous” on the cheek thing and I’ve never felt uncomfortable because bisous are usually closer to the ear on the cheek or not even touching skin. I feel like a kiss on the cheek very near the mouth is a totally different thing, and I feel that it is something that would make me feel uncomfortable.
My boyfriend feels like that’s just counting pins and needles. He feels like a kiss on the cheek, even near the mouth, shouldn’t have made her feel uncomfortable.
I just feel like men shouldn’t be able to tell women what should and shouldn’t make women feel uncomfortable, just like I don’t think women should tell men what should and shouldn’t make men feel uncomfortable. I feel like we should all just respect each other’s boundaries and stay within the norms of friendly affection. I wouldn’t like it if one of my guy friends kissed me in the way that man kissed Beyoncé.
So, am I the asshole for feeling like that guy was wrong and in addition to that, feeling that my boyfriend is wrong? I do believe women should protect themselves and stand up for themselves in certain situations, but it’s not always practical and sensible to call a man out on his behavior in my opinion. I just feel that we should all be respectful of each other’s bodies and boundaries.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
oguxTinja2906RwxNfnySmwVYPfE3bUR
|
avutna
|
{
"description": "moving out and taking my money back from my indecisive uncle",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I move out and take my money back from my indecisive uncle?
|
I am 20 years old and recently moved to where my cousin and her family lives in their home
I was originally going to stay with roommates but since I am so close to my cousin, I asked my uncle if I could live with them instead. He originally said no.
He and his family were asking for money from our relatives to buy a new house. I offered 2k in my savings to live in the studio that their new house would have. He agreed to this and then said I could live with them until the studio and house is ready.
I've been here for three months ad every time he or my aunt or cousin get into an argument (three times now) he tells me I have to go back to my hometown, they're giving me my money back and to pack my stuff up and go.
They cancelled their original house bid due to one of the arguments. So now they are looking for a new house and it does not have a studio. (it has a garage that they might convert into a studio but probably not)
so it looks like my option is to stay here in this house sharing a room with my cousin.
Yes I know I am dumb for offering them money to let me stay here after they said no, but I thought it would be a nice deed for all of us since they needed the money and I do like being with my cousin.
WIBTA if I ask for my money back (I will be giving them money for the time I stayed here) and moving with other roommates?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qCMVmJs8EZVId5yhVQEuusX7afgEot7T
|
aego7o
| null |
AITA the time I cut my best friend out of my life
|
So I discovered r/AmItheAsshole tonight and I actually have my own situation to ask about that dates back about 8 years now. My best friend growing up and I were the bad kids of the neighborhood and most of our lives (with some exceptions) he was the bad influence of our pair. Except now that I'm older I'm not so sure he was.
The main difference between us is I was smart enough to act remorseful and apologize as soon as I got caught and did the right thing when it suited me, so he was always seen as the one who was a bad influence on me. But I was a manipulative little shit and I can remember at a pretty young age it being my idea to play with fire, and occasionally steal. I've developed a much stronger sense of mortality as an adult, but we were both kind of fucked up.
As he got older (teens) he started seeing shrinks and got sent away to an inpatient facility a few times but he never really talked about what he was dealing with to me, and we were as closer than he was with anyone so nobody really knew much about it.
When we hit our late teens we became potheads, and were admittedly loser burnouts. I sold pot and partied a lot so my social circle grew pretty wide and we'd hang out less. Theres a handful of other guys our age that all grew up together so we were always doing things as a group. Most people in the group used him for rides.
I realize I'm painting him as a victim but this dude was also very aggressive and nasty, creepy with girls. He'd be the first person to instigate a fight and he always had a bit of crazy to him. He had a sense of entitlement when it came to people paying for shit for him while they were out or smoking him up for free constantly. He'd constantly ask different people to spot him $20 worth of pot and then be a dick about it when asked to pay it back. He never even tried getting a job. He'd abuse his prescribed meds and really make people uncomfortable with the way he would act.
After avoiding him as much as I could I was smoking a bowl one night with another friend in my car in the neighborhood when former bestie shows up out of nowhere, says hello and asks to join. I reluctantly say yes and proceed to smoke him out (btw this is 2011 weed is still expensive as fuck) when he asks me to give him some green on credit. I tell him that I called around that night and I already have a bunch of people who are putting off paying me back because he owes them money, so in a way he already owes me a decent chunk of change.
He proceeds to mother fuck me and tell me what a shit friend I am, and I seize the opportunity and in no uncertain terms end the friendship on the spot.
Obviously this was just my excuse and had been looking for an excuse to cut him out, and before long he lost nearly every friend and mutual friend he had.
I feel like he was a toxic person and my life was better off without him, but not once until years later did I consider he might be struggling with real mental illness. I was supposed to be this guys best friend and I never asked about it or offered my support and always just assumed he's just a bad guy. I feel like if anyone could have helped him through some of that shit it would've been me, and despite his faults he was a pretty loyal friend most of my life. So while the state of his life currently (drug addict absentee father) isnt in any way my fault, I can't help but feel like it could have gone down differently if his best friend and the guys he grew up with didn't just toss him aside.
So what's the verdict, was I the asshole? Or can my lack of compassion be forgiven because I was a dumb ass 21 year old? Personally I drift back and forth between feeling like the asshole and feeling like in the long run it was a good choice to get him the hell out of my life while I could
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ck0uxcOCf6ugoRfeEveAzzVyaeW3kZ0N
|
aioib0
|
{
"description": "telling my wife I wanted to travel Europe without her",
"pronormative_score": 58,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
WIBTA if I told my wife I wanted to travel Europe without her?
|
WIBTA if I told my wife I didn’t want her to come to Europe with me?
I’m 33 years old (so is my wife) and I’m the breadwinner (I don’t hold that against her). Each and every year she goes on a vacation to the Outer Banks with her sister and grandmother, no men are allowed. I’m not upset by it, I’m slightly annoyed at how misandrist her family is (very female heavy, actually mostly female), but honestly, I would not enjoy myself if I attended.
In fact, my wife only enjoys one type of vacation, the beach. She just wants to lay out and read. That’s cool, she likes what she likes, but that’s the only type of vacation we can ever agree on (and I use the word agree loosely). We go to the beach together when I want to go to the beach. I prefer the mountains, but whatever.
Anyhow, I’ve wanted to go on a backpacking trip to Europe my entire life. I want to throw on my ruck sack and visit small towns, interact with the locals, stay at hostels, or camp.
I’ve talked to my wife about going to Europe. She only wants to go to Europe if it means we go to the beach.
The way I see it, the beach is the beach. Sure, some are nicer than others, but you can go lay out at Myrtle beach or Daytona beach and it be relatively the same experience as St. Tropez.
She won’t want to do anything I want to do. In the 7 years we’ve been a couple, I’ve always done what she wants to do. I’m finally at a point in my life where I can save up and get vacation time to do what I want. I know she’ll be hurt, but WIBTA or is she being selfish?
Also, follow up question, how can I convince her to let me do my thing without her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 35,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 58,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
gGhE8g4KTuKczLTjjxSNbYhqpr4Kxn21
|
aimh07
|
{
"description": "saying \"I didn't have time to miss you\" when I was double studying med school",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for saying "I didn't have time to miss you" when I was double studying med school?
|
I'm an non traditional read -old medical student with ADHD.
My girlfriend had been living with me rent free since she went on sick leave in September for stress. I was behind on my studies and in the beginning of January I had to take two tests. These two tests covered an entire year of medical school, so I was effectively studying and being tested on an entire year of med school during one semester. If I didn't pass these tests in January I would have to take a semester off which would have been financial ruin, as my girlfriend was on sick leave and had 0 income, and i only had income if I was studying.
So starting in September I went to classes in the day and studied like a mad man 6 nights a week. My girlfriend wanted to go home to visit her family (she paid for this with her savings) so off she went for a month over the holidays, this while I was at home studying- 12-14 hrs a day including Christmas day and new year. We spoke daily while she was gone.
When she came home she said she had missed me, and my reply was: I haven't had time to miss you.
AITA?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
AmtxFmMKjQVb9ZTJhLj7wV2nCIMCRlZB
|
b5wxsu
|
{
"description": "using money to get girls",
"pronormative_score": 71,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA For Using Money to Get Girls?
|
I'm M22, and my family is pretty wealthy. I'm a trust fund kid, but I'm not good looking and its hard for me to get with girls. I switched to a new tactic of posting my condo, cars, watches, trips on my IG and my followers rose and rose and would get constant DM's from hot girls saying Hi. Been doing this for a year now and I dress better and take my nicer car out more basically to catch girls eyes. I go to trendy places and just talk to girls about my dad's business how I'm gonna join in next year etc. I know I sound like a huge douche but I only do this to get with girls. Other than that I'm a normal guy and all of my friends aren't wealthy at all. I'm actually helping 2 of them pay their tuition and I'm a different person when I'm with them. I take my honda out when we chill, go to normal student bars when we wanna drink etc. I recently told one of my friends about this after she asked how I pull such hot girls, and I spilled the beans. She was shocked and said that I'm probably the biggest asshole/douche in the city.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 59,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 71,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
RIGHT
|
OsNQ2CAudakVh1Fz838i82KTfKrnvEa5
|
abrpru
|
{
"description": "giving my bf an ultimatum",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for giving my bf an ultimatum?
|
Nearly 5 years ago I moved to another country to see if things would work long term with the guy I’m dating. Since then I’ve moved four times to different areas of the country for his job. This means I hardly ever make long term friends and have had to make sacrifices with my career.
About two months ago we decided to move together to an area we both wanted to live for a minimum of six months. However, if our relationship improved we would stay longer. This was partly because his job was already close by (he was commuting 1+ hour one way), my recent job contract had expired, we had a friend who needed to rent their property out and we agreed to give our relationship one last chance.
My bf has now received another job offer on the other side of the country where he’s from originally and is seriously considering taking it. Mostly he wants to take it because of what they’re offering to pay him but also because his family is there. He believes he would have to move in the next month or so and wants to leave me to finish the lease at our current property (though he would still help pay rent). We would have to pay for his flights back to come and visit me. He has agreed that living apart is bad for our relationship (we spent all of 2017 living apart and me commuting on weekends to see him) and that living where we are now is helping improve our relationship.
I’ve told him that if he moves in the next month for this job then not only will I not follow him but that will be the end of our relationship. My opinion is that we agreed to move to this town together for six months to work on our relationship so that’s what we should stick to. I feel like he frequently changes jobs to “chase the money” and I’m not comfortable with continuing to move if our relationship isn’t even close to 100%. I left big city opportunities to move to a smaller town where we both wanted to be and not even two months in to it, he wants to leave. He frequently gets offered jobs (this isn’t the first time we’ve had a disagreement about one) and could easily find another job where he’s from at the end of the six months if he wanted to. I also worry that if I move to this new city and we break up, I’ll be far from anyone I know, in a city I’m not familiar with and won’t be able to afford to live there alone. His opinion is that he’ll make lots of money for the future and be near his family in the meantime.
AITA for telling him if he doesn’t finish the six months we agreed to then we’re done?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
KaUhphUEdEz3IWtQCJWpU6N1MAQQQLHt
|
9xyk1m
|
{
"description": "not leaving a tip",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not leaving a tip?
|
I went to a restaurant for lunch and it was not busy. I was seated quickly and gave my drink order. The waitress brings my tea out and I’m still looking over the menu. A few minutes later I order a salad and some brisket tacos. I wait sipping my tea.
After about 20 minutes my waitress comes by and says your food should be out shortly. I then ask if it is customary for my salad to come before the tacos? I didn’t want to be in the middle of eating a salad and then my hot tacos come and sit there getting cold.
She then said oh let me check the kitchen. She came back after about 10 minutes with my salad and said yea the guys in the kitchen are new so I put a fire under them and they got your salad done. It had a little tiny container of ranch dressing with it. She asked me if the dressing was enough and I asked to please get a little more. She said no problem.
She disappeared again and I finished most of my salad but not all of it due to not enough dressing. By this time my drink is almost gone and she arrives with my tacos. She then disappears again and my drink is empty.
As I eat I start looking around for her because I am thirsty. I see her to my left across the room sitting at a high top table talking to a lady. I keep eating but also keep looking her direction hoping to catch her eye. I never catch her eye and she never looks my way. I finish my food and am now annoyed because I really wanted more tea. She is still over at the table talking to the girl.
Another waitress comes walking by and I ask her if she can tell my waitress “who is just sitting over there talking” that I would like my bill? She said yes.
Finally my waitress comes and she said here’s your bill. Sorry I was training a new girl. But she said I kept an eye on you to see if you made any indication of needing anything. I don’t bother to tell her she’s lying because I stared at her for a long time and never saw her look my way. In addition I don’t mention the ranch dressing she never brought and that I didn’t get a refill on my tea.
I contemplated the idea of her training and should I feel guilty for thinking she doesn’t deserve a tip. I pay my bill and didn’t leave a tip. I just think even if you are training someone you still have to help your customers. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
VVah4mRaMfU0FijdYZt60exEwagxnjKM
|
b3pn9d
|
{
"description": "not paying my sister back for half of my wedding dress",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA if I didnt pay my sister back for half of my wedding dress?
|
My husband is in the process of enlisting in the air force and money is tight for us, but we wanted to get married before he shipped off in a few months time.
Originally I had not planned on having a reception party or even buying a wedding dress as we are trying to save money for our future.
After telling my sister about our plans (a courthouse ceremony and a small reception dinner at a local restaurant) she insisted she wanted to make the day special and that she had bought some decorations for the reception dinner. She also offered to pay for half the cost of a dress that we picked out together.
In total she spent about 350 dollars on the dress/supplies. I was grateful for her help and especially for the dress. It was beautiful!
3 weeks later and the wedding was wonderful! I thanked my sister for making our day special even though we were trying to be frugal.
Well fast forward a month and a half later, and now my sister is saying she's short on her bills this month and is asking us to pay her back not only the money she paid for the dress (that I wouldn't have gotten if she hadn't offered to pay for half of) and the supplies she bought without asking me.
My husband is annoyed and thinks she's only asking because she knows we've been saving money. We can afford to pay her back, but we dont want to because we're trying to save for a down payment on a house for the future. She told us before she spent the money that it was a gift.
I'm not sure what to do. Im a little hurt that she's now asking for her money back, but I love my sister and dont want her to struggle to pay her bills or damage our relationship.
WIBTA if I refused to pay her back the 350 dollars when she needs it for bills?
tl;dr: sister gifted us 350 dollars to help with wedding expenses then a month and a half after the wedding is asking for it back to pay her bills.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
2OwU1hEN5xfyaarja0q5snGRbpyfJgro
|
afyxt5
|
{
"description": "using a legal loophole to get stuff for cheap",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for using a legal loophole to get stuff for cheap?
|
In my country there is a law that states that if a store labels a product a certain price, they must sell it for the labeled price.
This is to prevent stores from doing bait and switch scams.
So I bought a product that had the wrong sticker on it, and asked the store to sell it to me for that price, which they agreed.
I honestly think it was a mistake though, am I an asshole for taking advantage of this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
3puaFTGFWJAKBdyvxZGhWTLmu8EUVmDk
|
aw2ihs
|
{
"description": "not giving my lab partner the statistics from our experiment to include in her lab report",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving my lab partner the statistics from our experiment to include in her lab report?
|
I apologize for any formatting errors, i’m on mobile.
I met this girl in the first semester of school. We’re both in first year sciences and have become good friends over the past few months. We have almost every class together and we would occasionally meet to study, however, she didn’t study very much. I found most of the time we studied together, it would be her asking me for help on assignments, or sometimes just asking for the answers.
This semester we’re lab partners. A couple of weeks ago, we conducted our own experiment and collected data. So to make this clear, we both had a copy of the data. Because this is a first year bio course, we had a short introduction to stats tutorial showing us how to use a specific program to create graphs and perform tests on the data to get necessary values for our reports. During this tutorial, my lab partner sat on her computer and didn’t really try to figure out the program. It required some basic coding which neither of us knew how to do but I sat there until I figured it out. After the tutorial, I spent hours and hours of my own time working on our data to get the info to include in my report. Without any help from her.
These reports are a complete individual formal lab reports. We had over 3 weeks to submit them. Over those three weeks, I barely heard from her so I assumed she didn’t need to meet with me to do the stats program together.
THE NIGHT BEFORE ITS DUE she texts me asking if we could exchange reports to proofread. I had a late lab (different lab) so I told her I didn’t have time. She then asked if she could just see my report to make sure we got the same stats. I told her I wasn’t going to send her my report. I didn’t really say why, but it was because I didn’t want her to take anything from my report and risk getting caught involved in cheating.
She then admitted to not having done any of the statistics portion of the lab and was just hoping to use my values and graphs. At this point I’m pretty upset. If she had helped me or shown some effort at all, I probably wouldn’t have minded sharing with her. But because this was all my own work and my effort, I didn’t feel it was fair for her to get a better grade for not doing anything. All I basically said to her was that she had to figure it out herself. The next lab, she didn’t say a word to me and did the lab with a different group.
AITA??
tldr; my friend who is also my lab partner assumed I would be doing the stats portion of the lab and that she would just get the answers without doing any of the work. I said heck no.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
MGF7RtVLQp86jj5z0FVz4bPZqQwy1vDx
|
aci7xg
|
{
"description": "not moving in with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not moving in with my gf
|
Hey there reddit, first time user, long time lurker, mobile user, etc, etc
This will be a long one.
First let me give some background on me. I’m a 20 year old male, first year university student studying computer science A struggling one at that, however with exams coming up shortly and my less than impressive grades I’m getting already I decided to really take my studies really seriously over the winter break to try and push my grades back up to what they should be.
My gf that I have been seeing for 11 months has been living in my parents house with me since last summer,originally it went from staying the night tho eventually being there everyday and I didn’t have a problem with it as for the most part. However my parents and my brother did and around two months ago a huge argument was started about rent pay and general living expenses ( I pay my share of the rent) it eventually led to my gf saying she was going to start spending more time at home.
My gf had the idea that it would be great if i tagged along with her and moved out to her house to live with her and her mom instead and for months started to list off very logical reason why it would be a better choice for me, she spoke about it to my mom and convinced her that it would be a great idea too and while I said It did have some benefits and I would think about it, i was never really convinced. I used to share a room with my brother until my sister moved out and only recently I got my own room to do with as I pleased.
With my mom on board with the decision and my gf going on about it every week and redecorating her room it felt like I was being pushed into it and it drove me away from the idea more then anything and just gave me mental stress.
Today on the phone she brought it up again and I just went silent, she asked me if I wanted to move out and I said not really, I want to have some of my own space for studying and doing what I want to do, she tried to explain to me that I could do all of that at hers but I just said it isn’t the same. She got mad and said she isn’t coming to see me tonight, that I wasn’t man enough to tell her from the start and put down the phone.
I’ve always wanted to move out but I want to move out on my own terms, I feel like right now it just isn’t the best time for me to do something like that now when I’m already stressed about university exams coming soon and such.
Am I being the asshole here or are my reasons justified?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
Q9NtZLyfMRSBga5Z1y1RYG85qFE0pBf0
|
agmahq
|
{
"description": "not being able to love my father",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being able to love my father?
|
For as long as I remember, I have lived alone with my mother. When I was very little, she left my father due to his absence and alcoholic tendencies and took me with her. Now, it's over 20 years, and I visited him once in my hometown.
I had the time of my life with my half-sister, but I couldn't exchange more than pleasantries with my dad. I never lived with him, neither I know his daily life. He only sends me messages and calls whenever it's my birthday or an holiday, but completely ignores my existence during most of the time. I never felt like I missed him, because there was nothing to miss at first. He never helped my mom economically or gave me a gift, only reminded me of his presence in two days an year.
Now, last Christmas he mentioned the possibility of coming to visit me, but I shoved him aside and gave excuses, saying I would be traveling and away from home. However, I can't help but think every night if he doesn't realize what he does is wrong. I feel pretty shitty ignoring every attempt of him trying to come closer, but I'm sure I won't be able to love him, despite my efforts of giving him some attention. He's been sober for a while and struggling to maintain a job, but never texted my family or asked if there's anything he could help with.
Every person I've talked to made me even more miserable, saying I shouldn't ignore the fact that he's my parent, that I should be grateful he brought me into this world. I tried, hard as I could, but I can't love him. I don't hate him, nor harbor anything ill-minded. I just can't feel a thing. Should I call him back and hope that, unlike last birthday when he promise he would come but had a "business trip" two days prior to the party, he'll come and give me my first dress ever as a gift?
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
3YT7RiA4SAN9uj4fLBozw8lCp8e2skfM
|
b3exwb
|
{
"description": "wanting to see the same therapist as my daughter",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 85
}
|
AITA for wanting to see the same therapist as my daughter?
|
My daughter (I'll call her Ashley) has a therapist she started seeing a year ago. I met her therapist (Karla) back when she used to work through our on-base hospital (we're military) though she wasn't my therapist my daughter needed one and I thought she'd be perfect. So I sent her to one of her teen group counseling sessions and she really liked it and eventually started seeing her one on one.
Now Karla works independently and her new office is beautiful. She can also see all sorts of patients now and she's probably the only therapist I trust and she's been very inclusive with me in my daughter's progress so I asked her if there would be any conflict of interest in her seeing me too and she said no and that she'd be totally fine with seeing me too.
My daughter however is not fine with it. She thinks it'd be a breach of her privacy. I kind of get it but there's not much I don't already know (aside from stuff that falls under patient confidentiality which I reminded her is a thing) but other than that she can't really give me a reason even though I've challenged her to give me one several times to do so. She is a typical teenaged girl in some ways but rather troubled to boot so while I want to respect her feelings I also don't want to give into her anger or reward irrational or territorial behavior. She has been through a lot and so have I over my tours and I told her it's no different from us being operated on by the same skilled surgeon to which she has nothing to say. In fact i feel like this would be a good introduction to family therapy as right now my daughter refuses to do a therapy session with me and/or my wife present.
My wife and obviously my daughter think I'm TA but I feel like Karla would know if there was something wrong with it in her professional opinion and she thinks it's fine.
tl;dr My daughter is angry because I want t see the same therapist she does, therapist is fine with it. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 83,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 85
}
|
WRONG
|
vlMPcCn07HQz5MgU8hirrtqDtBF4h0pb
|
ap8gdm
|
{
"description": "not giving a friend/coworker his dog back after he got out of prison",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not giving a friend/coworker his dog back after he got out of prison?
|
To start with some background info; this guy I work with (we’ll call him D) got this adorable puppy last year around this time. D and I were pretty good friends and I watched the puppy a lot while he worked as we both lived in apartments above our workplace. I also bought the puppy a lot of toys and treats that he couldn’t afford at the time. Fast forward a couple months and D has stopped taking the dog outside more than once a day for a few minutes at a time and could no longer afford dog food for her. D and I got into multiple fights over it when I would tell him that a dog needs to go outside way more than once a day, especially a high energy puppy. Then D gets arrested and sent off to prison. The dog was stuck in his apartment above work so I asked the landlords permission to take his copy of the key and to take the dog. I now have had this dog for 7-8 months, which is longer than D had the dog in the first place. In that time I have moved into a house with a large fenced in backyard where she loves to run, she has received shots from the vet, she has been spayed, and she consistently has dog food, toys, treats, and lots of love.
D just got out of prison a few days ago and the first thing he asked about when he saw me was the dog. He asked how his dog was doing and when he can meet up with me to take her back. I explained to him that right now he does not have a place to live nor does he have any money to take care of the dog. I also explained to him that I have spent hundreds of dollars on getting her shots and spayed and that he can’t just expect to take her back after I’ve had her for so long. He also owes my boss a lot of money so he won’t be making any money to take care of a dog anytime in the foreseeable future. This caused D to get understandably upset but now he is blasting me on Facebook, calling me a dognapper and other awful things that don’t need to be repeated. AITA for wanting this dog to have a stable life with me rather than give her back?
TLDR; Coworker gets puppy, doesn’t take care of her well. Coworker then goes to prison. I take the dog while he’s in prison and now he is upset I won’t give her back because he doesn’t have a place to live or money to feed her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
3i4QJrAMAZPC5eoWH2kqoc9VPZrsGK5g
|
b67ysn
|
{
"description": "caring about money after everything",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for caring about money after everything
|
I'm going to try to keep sexes out of this, sorry if that makes things more confusing.
​
I have a wonderful spouse. Good parent, kind, affectionate, patient, does a lot around the house, good human in general.
​
I am holding a grudge that I would love to let go of. I have always been good with money, partner is very comfortable with debt. When we got together partner had 3K of credit card debt on shared card with their ex. They said they wanted to pay that off and not stick ex with it, so I loaned partner the money. Partner was making the minimum payment every month.
​
Partner also had high student loans so when they moved in with me, I said I would pay rent, but they should pay 1K/month and whatever else they could on their student loans. They had been re-enrolling in masters program to not have to pay it back yet and not have interest start accruing, about $800/year to do that.
​
I got inheritance of 140K, 100K went to pay off partners student loans entirely. 40K went to buy land we had talked about buying.
​
Partner got 10K as wedding gift. When I asked after a few months what we were going to do with it, there was less than half left. Partner paid for a 2K piece of furniture for us with the rest.
​
This was all around 10 years ago. More recently I found out partner had 20K in debt which led us to couples counselling. Debt is now down to 6K.
​
We keep our money separate and the agreement is we both have the same amount towards personal use and the rest is family money that we will decide what to do with. Partner hates talking about money so I avoid the topic because I don't want to ruin a good mood and I don't want to make a bad mood worse.
​
I'm mostly okay with being the financially responsible one. I don't suspect drugs or shopping addiction. It seems to get frittered away on things like eating out, an extra $5-10/day on snacks or coffee, that kind of thing. I really don't know where it goes but I have no reason to suspect anything untoward other than that money just flows out of partner's hands.
​
Recently partner went to city to buy specialty item that would fall under partner's half of shared expenses but that I typically pay for because I am in city more often. I gave partner my bank card for a different reason, partner used my bank card to pay that expense. I was really annoyed but said nothing.
​
We don't struggle for money. If partner were better with money, they would have a different personality that would make them less great in other ways. If I had to choose earning half my salary or losing my partner I would choose partner. So why do I keep a catalogue of these offences in my head and continue to expect something different? AITA?
​
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
A886w6qvyp545RX5ekI2JFInrZoCk5Q6
|
aecksd
|
{
"description": "selling my Christmas present my mother brought me, without saying anything",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I sold my Christmas present my mother brought me, without saying anything?
|
For Christmas I got 1 ticket for a show that I honestly have no interest in going to. My mother was trying to be nice and brought me 1 ticket (costing £55) and told me it was all she could afford (brought her husband a laptop for £350) so I really don’t want to go on my own either. Plus, the thing I actually wanted for Christmas (a beginners woodworking kit) I didn’t end up getting at all, so I might be feeling a bit resentful but I’m really conscious about being ungrateful for my gift.
It’s a science show for a popular television scientist who I sometimes watch on Youtube but I really don’t have that deeper level of interest. She’s quite sensitive and I don’t want to upset her, but would I be the asshole if I sell it and don’t tell her?
I intend to sell the ticket either way, I’m not forcing myself to go to something I have no interest in to be honest.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
qDMkS9J1ZxThabf0hM00PmxmZNvkLM8I
|
aizir2
|
{
"description": "not giving my daughter money for her mother",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not giving my daughter (13) money for her mother?
|
AITA because my 13 yr old daughter wants me to give her the Christmas money she has left, around $75, to give to her mother because she is struggling?
A little background: her mother CHOOSES not to work. shes been fired from her last 2 jobs. She's fully capable of working.
She currently lives with our oldest daughter and son in law and their 2 kids. Her bf also lives with them.
I also pay her $250 every 2 weeks in child support.
My daughter is in tears because I won't give it to her. I know of I do, it only empowers her mother even more to continue to be a leech.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
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