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QXjK7qKPTX4wfancrulyWruVZWkoz5pN
|
aivrbx
|
{
"description": "telling a dude I've been \"talking to\" that I am also \"talking to\" other guys",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA because I told a dude I’ve been “talking to” that I am also “talking to” other guys?
|
I’m on a few dating sites and am talking to a few guys that I’m sort of interested in. Have hit it off with a few but still have yet to go on any official dates yet. And I’m not looking to rush into anything super serious with any of them so soon.
One of the guys seems to think that I shouldn’t be texting the other guys if I’m interested in him. But I’ve only been talking to him for a few days and I feel like part of dating and stuff entails us to text and go on dates with more than one person.
I mean when or if I become exclusive with one of these guys of course I’ll stop texting other guys and be 100% faithful to him.
So does it make me an asshole to text multiple people at one time while I’m dating and playing the field and trying to find someone that I truly connect with?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
3YnR5ygGlg4ajOsnHZnlSqG82CQ4C8oW
|
a6ag59
|
{
"description": "getting mad at a friend entering my house unannounced",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at a friend entering my house unannounced?
|
Earlier today one of my friends left his car in the street in front of my house and I drove him to the train station. He caught a ride back with his gf and they were gonna stop by and pick up his car. But he text me saying how my dads gf is probably terrified because he just walked in like it was his house. His reasoning is because they needed to pee. But they knew i wasn't home i had told him prior I was gonna be at work. So i got really pissed about this. I think its disrespectful. Am I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
hojxDBwt6W26r2mecLDGs4IdliDd6UDe
|
aw8aza
|
{
"description": "having to be drunk to have sex with my fwb",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for having to be drunk to have sex with my FWB.
|
I met this girl with a great personality and who is really into me. Though she is so wonderful on the inside, she has a lot of physical abnormalities that I wont go into, but are not turn ons for me. I have to get at least more than tipsy just to get my dick up because or her body. She found out and is really self conscious now because weve never had sober sex and I refuse tell her that I'm only having sex with her because she's my only option. I just chock it up to it makes it more fun for me and I feel more adventerous.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
6IDBEolHksdKcVxwIOlRVKcIZdGtK2aI
|
aa8135
|
{
"description": "siding with my friend who cheated on their ex",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for siding with my friend who cheated on their ex(who is also my friend)
|
Hello, I'm posting from mobile so an early apology for any errors. Also no tdlr because there's really no way to sum this up cleanly.
To start I'd like to describe my two friends here.
A, is a former close friend of my sister who I've known for over 10 years but only really got close to around 5 years ago. The type of close where nearly everyone we knew thought we were dating for at least a moment. We often say that we're platonic soulmates. They've always been a Mom Friend who gives everything they can to people without getting anything in return.
B, is a friend I met via a chatroom online also around 5 years back. However I've really only been close to her when she started dating A around 2 years ago. She's had a lot of rough shit happen to her over the years and really the main support for our friendship is that I'm a removed party for her to vent to.
I introduced the two through that chatroom 5 years ago when I added A to the group so I'd know someone there better, and the two ended up meeting irl and deciding to date long distance in spring 2016.
Anyway enough set up here.
For the longest time A has expressed a wish for their relationship to become more physical. B was not comfortable with that, and A fully respected that, and didn't press on it. However B would regularly allude to being interested in that, only to back down when A would bring it up. This wasn't to big of a deal, A would regularly bring this frustration up with me and another one of our friends who is better at relationship advice. A fully respected B's choices with her body and wasn't going to push her into something. B had also expressed discomfort with a more open relationship when A brought that up, and A respected that as well.
The long short was that A was very sexually frustrated, which they could deal with. And it was never something they felt they were owed, or pushed on.
The second factor was emotional. As I briefly stated A has a very giving personality. They'll hold you and let you give your life story and support you, even if they're falling apart. This is something I've seen them put themself through time and time again. While B is much more of a taking personality. Around 80% of one on one communication between B and me, is B complaining about her friends, expressing insecurities, and being generally needy. As I have also stated B has had a lot of bad shit happen to her in friendships and relationships. So I get where this neediness comes from, even though she seems blind to it.
That led to a relationship that was basically A taking care of all of B's emotional needs while ignoring any stress or issues they were dealing with. This wasn't B's fault alone, A knows they do this. But it was still a very unbalanced relationship.
A had intent to cut things off after the holidays because they didn't want to ruin the holidays for B. I supported them in this and let them know I'd still be close to both them and B.
That plan tanked though. A had been hanging out with a friend, and while I was not present, what happened was that their friend allowed A to Have that emotional vunrability that they'd been denying themself, and the pair kissed briefly before A snapped back and realised what they were doing.
That night A thouroughly ran themself through the mud, and came to the conclusion that they needed to tell B right away in the morning. Which they did, and did not ask for forgiveness or to remain friends.
Now a few weeks later I'm left in the awkward position as a mutual friend to each.
Today B made a dramatic post in our original groupchat we met in to announce to everyone that the couple was no longer a couple and that A had cheated. And while I do respect that it's B's business, I can't shake the feeling it was more of a show. Given that B has made posts on all of her social media everyday about how betrayed she feels. All the social media where she knows A will see it.
And really I'm reaching the end of my wits here. I've always been firmly a "cheaters are scum" type of person, but I can't help but believe A isn't the sole party at fault. Am I the asshole for thinking B is partially at fault for how this all ended? Would I be the asshole for calling her out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
VTNZ6KQu8cXUUdEcvQfndadn4Qd2Tdk3
|
ak3v3f
|
{
"description": "being frustrated at slow replies",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being frustrated at slow replies
|
there is this girl i've been talking to for a while now and its been made clear that we both feel the same way about each other, but haven't made anything official yet. i really am wanting to see her this weekend, but it's fucking impossible to make any plans with her because she takes SO long to get back to my messages. there are times where i will send her a message and i don't hear back from her until the next day. i really like her a lot but i am getting really tired of having to wait 10 hours for a response. and i know she isn't busy and i know she's not dealing with anything that could keep her from responding to me in a timely manner, and i don't want to tell her to respond faster because i don't want to seem like a creep or overbearing. am i right for being frustrated or do i just need to suck it up and remember that her life doesn't revolve around responding to me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
Kj6afq6FXx7qxi1zlrlTnQkJRfTsV0GY
|
b2inps
|
{
"description": "not wanting my best friend to apply to the same job",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my best friend to apply to the same job?
|
(Sorry if my English is bad.)
AITA for not wanting my best friend to go and apply for the same job as me?
A couple of weeks ago I applied for this job because I'm looking for something to make a little money on the side while still studying. It pays pretty well and is very close to where I live.
Before going in for an interview, I told my best friend about it and just told her all about it and how I would really like to get it. (The interview went well and now I work there, which is great!) Yesterday she told me that after I told her about the position she went ahead and also sent in an application. At first I saw nothing wrong with it, but at that time it wasn't clear at all that I was going to get it, so now thinking about it, it kind of rubs me the wrong way that she would do that, basically sort of jeopardising my chances of getting it.
She also has done the exact same thing before with a pretty cool internship I told her about.
Am I being overly sensitive?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
865CMQL6UtpwoDYunuTX5tcSC5dQ7wsv
|
b6wg38
|
{
"description": "walking into my flatmate's room while she was having sex and refusing to leave",
"pronormative_score": 159,
"contranormative_score": 342
}
|
AITA for walking into my flatmate's room while she was having sex and refusing to leave?
|
I (20M) live in a flat with 5 others at university. There is one girl (20F), who's a bit of a...problem
She always brings guys back and has loud audible sex with them. Very loud. And it annoys all of us, we have early starts in the morning and well tell her to keep it down but she doesn't listen. We told security and they didn't do shit.
So we also all have exams soon and essay deadlines. And yesterday, she does it AGAIN, brings a guy back and starts having loud sex. We're all awake on this and post on the flat chat (but she wasn't going to see it anyway until after she was done having sex).
I have an early start and had to be somewhere by 7am and it was 2am while this was happening.
I had had enough. I banged on her door and she wouldn't open it. I bang again and she doesn't open. So I try to open it and...it's unlocked, they must have forgotten to lock it given that they came back drunk.
So I walk in and see them having sex. They both quickly see me and freak out. She says to me ''What the fuck?!!'' but I look over to the guy, the guy was a bit short and really skinny, there's no way in hell he would be a threat to me and he looked way more nervous than she does.
She keeps saying ''What the fuck?!! Get out!!'' and I say to her ''I've had enough of your fucking shit. We've all had enough of your fucking shit, you piece of shit. We're trying to sleep''.
The guy is standing there awkwardly so I tell him ''Get the fuck out'' and he doesn't do anything just stands there awkwardly, so I tell him ''I'll fucking call security, and I've got 4 other flatmates to back me up, our words against yours so get the fuck out!!'' and he gets his clothes on and runs out the flat.
So the ''problem'' girl starts crying and I tell her that she needs to sort her life out, I then to say to her ''Please leave this flat, move out. No one here fucking likes you, not even that guy you just fucked likes you enough to stay'' and she screams at me and calls me fucking cunt and asshole.
I then leave and go to back to my room. I told the others what happened and they agreed with me, there's nothing I could have done. In fact they THANKED me, at least we could get to sleep and now we sent her a message, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 226,
"OTHER": 157,
"EVERYBODY": 116,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 159,
"WRONG": 342
}
|
WRONG
|
iA5eBxf8NmflPyoAWBXCQPhDnUk2WybZ
|
b4j6vm
|
{
"description": "being angry at a newly wed couple (strangers) for ditching their anxiety ridden dog on me and ruining my weekend",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being angry at a newly wed couple (strangers) for ditching their anxiety ridden dog on me and ruining my weekend?
|
A couple that live on my street have a dog that is an escape artist. A female staffy cross something that has severe anxiety issues. Friday morning their dog escaped again and ended up getting into my house while I was at work and my wife was at home. She calls the neighbours who ask if she can keep the dog in our house while they're at work and she agrees, fair enough this has happened before.
My wife goes to work and I get home Friday night ready to go out only to find this annoying, anxious dog in my home. I'm waiting for them to pick up their dog and I expected them to come by before dinner. We have a huge thunderstorm and the dog goes berserk. They no show to pick up their own dog so I call my wife and she calls the neighbours.turns out its their wedding on Saturday (today) and they're so busy that they can't get around to picking up their dog, but they will on Saturday morning. Friday night ruined.
Fast forward until Saturday night and the dog is still here. They are too busy to pick up their dog due to their wedding. I'm pissed off, this dog is literally the worst dog in the world and I've lost my weekend as I can't leave it inside alone (it scratches the doors and walls trying to get out if left alone) and it will just crawl under my fence if we leave it outside.
AITA for not wanting to look after this dog for these guys (I don't even know their names), or are we being used?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
YK8boATWKLzVr6AbfycWkEfwl8YlxXgn
|
a52coy
|
{
"description": "having old pictures of an ex on my facebook",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for having old pictures of an ex on my facebook?
|
Hey all,
First of all I'll preface this with the fact that this is obviously a throwaway, and that my girlfriend is not generally a jealous person at all which is why I'm wondering if IATA.
So last night I was talking to my girlfriend of 5 years in a pretty general fashion, she had just seen a movie with our housemate (I work away 6 days a week) and we were in high spirits, when suddenly out of nowhere I get a message from her saying "So I went on your fbook profile to show (housemate) some old pics and I noticed that you still have photos of you and (ex girlfriend) ??"
I immediately did a double take, because to be completely honest I normally have my facebook in the 'inactive' state and just re-activate it whenever I get bored (and by that I mean log-in without thinking which reactivates the account). Not only that, I had no idea that I even had any photos still on there from that period of my life. I have a quick look after this, and buried deep down in the tagged photos section is a few photos where I'm still tagged in photos that my ex is in. Now to be honest, I actually breathed a sigh of relief here because (at least in my mind) having photos where I've just forgotten to remove the tag is much better than having photos where I've uploaded them myself and kept them on there, like I'm pining for the past or something.
Regardless of all this, I send a message to my girlfriend saying that they're gone now, and that they were just photos I was tagged in not photos I'd uploaded to my account, and that I'm sorry if she was upset by it. Despite me saying sorry, and that it meant nothing she has been passive aggressive and barely speaking to me since last night when it happened. I've tried asking her to elaborate on how she feels but all I get back is "I'm fine/it's fine".
So Reddit, I ask you, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7d2aCY7FERicCtViDCNiXcPC5y5SaKS1
|
b2ui34
| null |
AITA for leaving?
|
So here’s how my afternoon goes right, I get a call from my partner asking if I can come over tonight and spend the night, so I bus there walk my happy ass over to their work as they get off at 10:00PM we go to their house hang for a little bit and I fall asleep for like 45 mins and they wake me up getting all mad at me because I’m sleeping but I do have a interview tomorrow morning, they go over to their friends house without me so I get annoyed because they said they won’t be back for a couple hours.... so I plan to leave and I tell them that and they said that if I leave I’m breaking their trust and this won’t be okay if I leave.... tell me AM I THE ASSHOLE?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OfokzRwZK2SYgFws9YuX9lz6Ixy6W06a
|
almn9p
|
{
"description": "not wanting my boyfriend to be around someone he cheated on me with",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting my boyfriend to be around someone he cheated on me with?
|
Alright, so the title is a longer one because I couldn't figure out how exactly to summarize it in less text. So now for some context.
Last summer I received an absolutely spectacular opportunity to get a job working for a family member away from home, and as I don't travel often, the legal age of work is lower in my home province, and being in Highschool means more opportunities to spend money I didn't have at the time, I gladly accepted. Now, I accepted this job when I was single. By the time I realized that "Oh dear, I'm going to need to leave my s/o for a few months" it was too late. Time to get to my partner at the time.
For anonymity's sake I'll call him Hunter. Hunter had been a very close friend of mine for several years before we started dating so I trusted him immensely, however there were some lines I wasn't comfortable crossing just yet given a long line of issues that for the most part are irrelevant. Basically, I didn't want to have sex with him because I wasn't comfortable. He assured me it was fine and the relationship went for months without a hitch. Enter the bastard who my ex cheated on me with. Let's call him Eddy.
I found out a couple of weeks before my flight out of province that Hunter would be going on a camping trip with Eddy, one of his most notable exes as their parents were friends and wanted them to get along, and he still talked about him. I was a bit nervous but I wanted to put trust in my partner, so I just told him to have fun. I eventually communicated my nervousness with him for the sake of honesty and accented that I knew I was wrong. Four days before I left, he confessed that they'd kissed. I was hurt, yeah, but it was only a kiss after all, so I forgave him and I just told him he needed to learn to say no.
I head out, happy and naïve, and enjoy my first month with relative ease, continuing to converse with my boyfriend while out there. Then mid-August, I stumbled upon something. Hunter had given me access to his messages after the first little incident so he could show he had nothing to hide but whoops. I found him talking to his friend about how upset he was that Eddy had now found a girlfriend after he "Gave him a few handjobs" and "Let him finger me". I was understandably furious.
I confronted him, was fed the lines of apology, la dee da la dee dee. Now I should've broken up with him at that time, I know that now, but this was my first serious relationship and I cared for him dearly. I had two requests, however. One, easy, don't do it again or I will break up with you. The second one came with issues. I asked him to stop seeing Eddy. He was very distressed and one of our mutual friends asked me if I could come to a kinder compromise as cutting people off was hard. I gave in and relented.
A note I probably should have put earlier is about what kind of person Eddy is. He's manipulative and abusive which is clear from how he treats my ex, so not a good person.
Not a month passed before he broke up with me for the other guy, which left me in a very bad place. Enough about that though, while I know the matter is concluded, I still want to know. Was I the asshole?
TL;DR: Boyfriend cheats on me with a guy twice and I ask him to cut the guy off, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
UaLhnJ875MFxH2b2qPXzkOFS3iwJZj4Y
|
ab98kl
|
{
"description": "kicking people off the debate team",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for kicking people off the debate team
|
So this year I became president of my school's debate team. And I know, it may sound like I'm taking high school debate a bit too seriously. Still, debate is my passion, and I'd like to see my team go far. However, only four people got to state, and only one person, yours truly, was able to make it to nationals last year, which really irritated me. Our debate team had a couple issues:
1. As an asian myself, I can safely say debate is one of the extracurricular activities 90% of asian parents push their kids into, whether they like debate or not. So half of our team is kids who like debate and want to compete. Some kids were forced by their parents, but still take debate seriously and want to compete. The rest of the kids are either a) just terrible debaters or b) kids who blow off debate and don't show up to meetings
2. Our debate team didn't get as much funding as compared to stuff like sports or theatre, which is frustrating. We didn't even have a debate coach. Thos is because our school isn't that good at debate. Out of a team of over a 100 people (if you're wondering, the school has about 2500) 4 people made it to state and 1 made it to nationals. That's not enough to get good funding.
3. Caps. Our team had a system in place where after 4 tournaments, you have to sit out the rest if tournaments for the year. So all the kids who are good at debate have to sit it out, and the kids who don't give a fuck about debate or those who are terrible at debate are forced to sign up for the tournament (because the school needs to fill a certain amount of slots). Then the school gets thrashed.
So I was elected captain at the beginning of the year. My goal is pretty simple: we need to go further, win more, become good enough at debate so that the school increases our funding. The hard part is getting there.
In the meantime, to become the best we can, I decided I needed to start asking for membership fees. Normally debate is free, but we needed to pool money for a coach. I went to the school and asked them permission to collect fees and do fundraisers and stuff. Since the principal likes me, I got the go-ahead. I started collecting a fee of $75 per person, and told people to see me if they couldn't financially afford it. Next, we did a few fundraisers: everybody brought in stuff they didn't need anymore and we did a yard sale/raffle. We threw a pool party with a $5 entry fee. Finally, we started a GoFundMe page and got our school to put it on their Facebook/Twitter.
We finally had enough money to hire a good coach, and we did.
Next thing I did (I had the authority to do this, being captain) was remove the caps. My belief is that if you want to go to tournaments, you have to be the best. I arranged what I call tournament qualifiers: the kids in each categories would face off in rounds against each other, and the highest 5 in each category would go.
Lastly, and most controversially, I kicked a lot of kids off the team. Debate so far has been a club where anybody could join, but I made it into a 'by try-out only' kind of club. There isn't actually a tryout, but it is similar: if you miss 5 meetings (there are 3 meetings a week), you're out. If you're falling behind (ranking badly in 2 qualifying tournaments in a row), I'll give you extra one-on-one time with the coach to improve. By the next qualifying tournament, if you don't do well, you're out.
My reasoning behind this is simple: it's a really large team, and we only can afford to hire one good coach. The coach has to spend time with 113 different people, and many of these people just aren't improving or just don't care The more people on the team, the less time he has to focus on each individual, their strengths, their flaws, and how they can improve. If we kick out the kids that aren't improving, the coach will stop wasting his time and help those who can and want to be helped.
Some people are calling me an asshole, but I think my policy is tough but fair. If you're falling behind, I'll give you one-on-one time with the coach. If you improve, great! If not, you'll just be wasting the team's time.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
plKIGzdkJEJfMVsQPt2X6LcBDAoSRW78
|
as6w99
| null |
AITA for my male friends liking me?
|
I feel like an asshole for assuming my male friends like me. But I get the sense sometimes and I think it's the bigger dick move to lead someone on than to assume they like you. I have a really friendly personality and I feel like it gets misconstrued a lot. I'm wondering if I should only be friends with women. It would hurt so much to lose my male friends, I truly enjoy being around them. But I'm just paranoid in the back of my head I'm hurting them and leading them on. I've had the experience multiple times of guy friends asking me out and I truly don't mean it as a brag and I can't tell anyone about this because I feel like it comes off as arrogance but I don't want to be an asshole either. Those guy friends don't talk to me anymore. I feel like such a bitch.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
v2TMLrVKWuBf5PjmIhITM5z9KuyqbvvL
|
b0fv9n
|
{
"description": "masturbating over pictures of my friends",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for masturbating over pictures of my friends?
|
Exactly what it says in the title. I have a specific turn-on that involves masturbating to pictures of my cute, young (18+) female friends. Obviously, they do not know about this, nor do I tell them. These pictures are saved from publicly available sites (FB, insta, etc). AITA for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
FpBhfXqacTBnco8EU3LMx4oOyVF9jhCr
|
aj7k5e
|
{
"description": "wanting to quit my job because I find my boss narcissistic & arrogant",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to quit my job because I find my boss narcissistic & arrogant?
|
I have worked at my current job for two years now. Over the last couple of months, I have cared less and less about it. I’ve been taking sick days just to avoid having to deal with my boss.
I work in the marketing department as a trainee with the marketing coordinator, officer and the project leader. I have no problems with the marketing coordinator and the officer. They have always been kind to me. However, I can’t stand my boss. For a number of reasons (let’s say her name is Karen):
* She used to interrupt me when I was on the phone to other staff/public callers quite often, with pointers about what I should be saying. I’ll add that she also does this in a condescending manner. As if I’m an idiot for having forgotten something. Now I just try and make phone calls through my mobile so I can leave my desk and not have to be around her when I’m on the phone.
* When I brought it up with her, I said trying to listen to the caller and you, when you interrupt me is difficult and I would prefer if you didn’t do it. In response she just got defensive. She said that she is doing it just so I don’t accidently say the wrong thing, and she didn’t agree to stop doing it. Again, she says this very condescendingly, like it is obvious and I’m a peasant for not understanding. She went on and on about it.
* She would ask me to prepare media releases and other such material, but no matter how I tailored it to her preferences there was always a million things wrong with my work. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried she would send it back to me covered in red and completely changed. Almost every sentence was different. This got so bad that at one point I copied and pasted a media release that she had prepared a year earlier, only changing dates & times to see what would happen. Low and behold it came back completely different. She even sat me down and went through how each sentence that I (she) wrote just wasn’t right. Again, very condescendingly.
* One day Karen asked for help creating a new email address for the marketing team. She wanted to know what we think. She wanted to go with mediaunit@company.com. I sort of politely said, why don’t we go with media@company.com. I think it’s a bit simpler. I said that ‘mediaunit’ kinda sounds like we are part of army or something. She then proceeded to go on and loudly about how we are an army unit, because we deal with the tough issues and we are important and need to present ‘a united front’ or something blah blah… When she finished I said, I just think media@company sounds better. She said "well it doesn’t matter what you think because you’re not going to be here as long as me.” Since then I've stopped voicing my opinion to her at all really. Seems pointless... She always does what she wanted to do anyway.
* She has a wall of posters up around her desk. One of which is a redo of that British “keep calm and carry on” poster. It says “keep calm and listen to Karen.”
I could go on and on… there were many times over the years that she has acted like this. So much to the point where I am afraid of even asking her for help or asking a question. Even if it is just a yes/no question, I will almost always get an extended condescending lecture about it.
Now here’s the asshole part and the part that is making me feel confused. Every time we have a meeting and go through any issues in the relationship, she always makes me feel like somehow, I was just being emotional, or just reacting to her actions the wrong way. She never apologises for anything or admits that she did anything wrong. The only apology I’ve ever gotten is “I’m sorry you have had that experience.” She acts like every issue I have with her is simply my fault because I am just interpreting her actions the the wrong way. This just makes me more confused. I can’t tell who’s right and who’s wrong anymore. She is so adamant about it each time that I'm starting to question whether or not she actually is the good person and I am just thinking about it the wrong way. It doesn’t help that I have no one to talk to about this in the office, I feel like I can’t confess that I don’t like her to anyone, because they all seem to think she is this great leader.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
3BSxvrMXo5oU2r2zcVsF6EEVFUSnfGEP
|
a6j2wt
| null |
AITA Girlfriend Kissed A Guy
|
Here is the link to Imgur of the conversation [https://imgur.com/a/ISARCUw](https://imgur.com/a/ISARCUw), her name is blurred out for her own value cause fuck the internet and how it deals with women, my name I don't give a shit about so have fun with that.
My girlfriend had an awful week, like truly truly terrible and depressing and hurtful for her so on Friday she went out and went to a party, now keep in mind here that she doesn't normally do this, I messaged her to talk since I was still up, and she said she was drunk, so okay I told her to have fun and be careful and then went about my own business, this was Friday. Then the conversation I've linked starts on Saturday and I would really like to know here, am I the asshole for how I am behaving or am I being too far with this or what? The conversation is still ongoing but what I want to emphasize is that I can forgive the kiss due to her honesty and I genuinely do love this girl so very much, but I can't as easily forgive that she doesn't understand why what she did is wrong or why it hurts me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
iX7i1EBDRd6PSbf1DTB6Pqy626BYnCT0
|
a77uiw
|
{
"description": "throwing EX's stuff away",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for throwing EX's stuff away
|
AITA Last January my then SO lost her job and moved in with me. We were together for about 3 months and then broke up. She moved out in one day and left a bunch of clothes, home décor, and a big box of pictures and scrap books. She told me she would have her mother pick it up next time she was in town. That was in March. We talked a little in July through September. She told me that she would be in a close town for her birthday in October and I agreed to take her things to her. She then got a new boyfriend and wouldn’t return my texts to set up when to meet to give her her things. The end of November they break up and she starts texting me again saying she wants to get her things and will be in town this month for her daughter’s birthday. We agree to meet up again and she will let me know when they will be here. Now she won’t answer me again. I am going to throw it all away if I don’t hear from her after the first of the year. I hate for her to lose all of the things but I am tired of storing it. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
X0AP3zJZxbdYTEZDfFcqbOMIOKsFNVF0
|
a8va8q
|
{
"description": "listening to my iPod while I go shopping",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I listen to my iPod while I go shopping?
|
This is my first day off since December 2nd and I need to finish my Christmas shopping. I feel kinda gross today (overindulged a Little last night) and I’m so worn out from work that I just don’t want to people today. WIBTA if I tuned everyone and everything out by listening to my iPod while shopping today?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
mNAQIUE8unYXMfXHw0G7diCaaQKxhI3g
|
9t4zwg
|
{
"description": "calling a girl 'dense'",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for calling a girl 'dense'? (Not mentally, physically.)
|
I know that 'dense' can mean 'dumb', but it was clear from context that wasn't how I meant it.
I don't remember how the conversation lead up to it, but a girl told me how much she weighed. I remember being surprised because it was higher than I expected, so I said "Really? You must be dense!" and of course she got offended. But that's a compliment! That means she looks like she weighs less than she does. The opposite would be saying "Really? You take up a lot of space for your weight!" or "I thought you weighed more." which of course is rude.
Should I have found a better way of saying what I said/not said it at all? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
y1TDpmTgtBxdwpEJPjs5JZlA8zvenKYZ
|
ana2i6
|
{
"description": "accidentally getting my friend in trouble with his girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accidentally getting my friend in trouble with his girlfriend?
|
Recently one of my friend's girlfriends came to town and a few of us went out to hang out and get drinks, note that this friend does not live in my town, so he was not present at this hangout. I will call this friend the 'boyfriend' and his girlfriend just the 'girlfriend'.
During this hangout, we spent some time sharing stories about the boyfriend, most of which were fun but also listening to her complain a bit about different fights and such. At one point in the conversation, the girlfriend asks us if we know about the one time the boyfriend had sex previous to their relationship (at this point she had enough to drink to be pretty unfiltered). The boyfriend had told a couple of us the story before, and it occurring when he had traveled to NYC.
Initially I had assumed the girlfriend was just trying to get us to bait information out of us, but when she referenced NYC I thought perhaps the boyfriend had told her about it before. When I replied that I knew exactly what she was talking about, she didn't believe me and I replied that it was with 'Alice'. Apparently the boyfriend had told the girlfriend a different story about who he had slept with in NYC, due to his history with Alice.
This resulted in her confronting him, them getting in a big fight, and him angrily messaging me calling me a liar and ultimately blocking me. The girlfriend messaged me as well, apologizing, and explained this was a big issue due to him lying about big things like this in the past.
Am I the asshole here? I feel very guilty as it feels like I am causing them to potentially break up. I am fully aware that perhaps we shouldn't have been talking about that subject at all, but the atmosphere at the time seemed like telling funny stories rather than gossiping, and at the time I genuinely thought we were both referencing the same story.
TL;DR: Accidentally exposed friend's conflicting story to his girlfriend resulting in a fight between them, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
MZKTaYoBcBxGe373kjoT2kc5dz59zt6l
|
akk7w6
|
{
"description": "being in my brother's room alone with his girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being in my brother's room alone with his girlfriend?
|
Just as the title states, I was in brother's room, just talking and sharing food with his girlfriend (we're all really close and I was wondering what her opinion on the food I made was, so I gave her some). We have a big German Shepherd that likes to jump and act wild, so I closed the door so he wouldn't jump on her and make an unnecessary spill. My brother was in the room right next to us, and I only chatted with his girlfriend for about five minutes when I left. Ten minutes later, his girlfriend runs out of our house and then my brother starts yelling at me because he thought it was "extremely inappropriate" that I was in his bedroom with his girlfriend with the door closed. I tried to articulate why I closed the door and what her and I did but he just got even more angry with me and eventually stormed off. I assume that he was implying that I was trying to "talk" to his girl, but I wouldn't do that. Not only do I love my brother and wouldn't do anything to harm his relationship (I don't think I even could if I even tried), but I don't even find his girlfriend attractive. If anything, she's like a sister to me. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ul0uG8Hbz397i7wcpu6htC9QxzCdObgO
|
ak3iap
|
{
"description": "ignoring my ex gf",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I ignored my ex gf?
|
So I recently went through a breakup (few months ago). We were together for more than a year. It wasn’t a bad breakup, but it came out of nowhere for me.
So she originally told me the reason for breaking up was because she’s “going through a lot of stuff.” I should’ve known that wasn’t true. I later found out through a mutual friend that the real reason was because she wanted to sleep around with other guys.
Finding out all these things hurt me even more so I just decided to not hold onto her anymore. She doesn’t know or care how much pain she has put me through.
She also hasn’t sent the ol’ “I miss you” text or any text at all. I’ve decided that if she ever texts or calls me I will just not answer. I’m not saying that she eventually will, but there’s a chance.
So WIBTA if I ignored her calls and texts if she ever reached out to me?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
hl2Q5zoz8LWXCBhzEvvMvp36YpZ3ecmw
|
arrt44
|
{
"description": "letting my mom steal a girls phone",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for letting my mom steal a girls phone?
|
This happened 5 years ago. I was 9 at Macy’s with my mom, sister, and grandma visiting Houston to see my moms side of the family. We went to target and while my mom was shopping she overheard a girl missing her iPhone 4S in the store. I found the phone within minutes and showed my mom then she put it in her purse. I told her how it wasn’t right and when I was going for the phone she stopped me and we walked out of the store. As I was walking out I saw the girl crying and I felt a lot of guilt even though I could’ve done more to give the girl back the phone. My mom isn’t really wealthy, she works in a nail salon and I can see why she wanted to take the phone. AITA for not doing more to help return the phone?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
oZ9l9KU6AmXuo4l5nUpS8G2qnDn06Uws
|
b01zei
|
{
"description": "stealing my neighbors dog",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for stealing my neighbors dog?
|
About 12 months ago my downstairs neighbor bought a puppy and she would put pics of her with the dog online everyday saying how cute he was and all this bullshit. I know it was bullshit cause she could be heard shouting at him during the day and would lock him out the back most days even in the rain. So fast forward to about 2 months ago and suddenly she stops posting about the dog and I suspect it's because he grew up fast and she probably doesn't think he's as cute anymore and it seems he's always outside now rain, snow, sun doesn't matter. A couple days ago I heard her screaming at the dog and could hear her at her back door so I looked out my window and just as I did this psycho drop kicked the dog halfway across the back garden and he squealed and limped around for a few mins. I felt sick to my stomach and didn't know what to do. I heard her leave a few minutes later and without thinking I went down picked up the dog and brought him to a shelter. I explained what happened and they told me I shouldn't of taken him.they said they'll hold on to him for now but if she comes looking for him they'll have to give him back. She's going to kill this dog cause she's very mentally unstable.
AITA? what can I do?
TLDR; took my neighbors dog to a shelter after I seen her abusing him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
eXWqSFciXeGwEXhh4FMhG3wrggaMCmqR
|
b3pd20
|
{
"description": "installing a lock on my bedroom door, and keeping it locked when I'm not there",
"pronormative_score": 48,
"contranormative_score": 40
}
|
AITA for installing a lock on my bedroom door, and keeping it locked when I'm not there?
|
My wife has a nasty habit of biting her nails. And she's not super on top of keeping her hands washed.
I like to eat handfuls of shredded cheese as a snack.
My wife will take my bag of cheese out of the fridge and stick her unwashed hand into my cheese, **immediately** after taking her fingers out of her mouth.
That is fucking disgusting IMO. Now the whole bag of cheese is ruined, and my snack is gone.
So I started buying her her own bags of cheese. I clearly labeled each bag with either her name or mine.
FF to the next morning, and she has *my* bag of cheese. Hers is still sitting in the fridge (opened, and contaminated by her unwashed hands). She didn't bother checking the labels. So now she has two bags of cheese, and I have 0.
Next step: I buy a mini fridge and put it in my bedroom. We have seperate bedrooms, so I figured I was solving the problem.
But NO. 3 days later, I get home from work and she's **sitting on my bed, eating my bag of cheese**. There was still plenty of cheese in the main fridge. This is not a money issue. I don't care if she eats 100 bags of cheese. I just want **my** cheese to be **my** cheese, so I know it hasn't had unwashed hands in it.
So I installed a deadbolt on my bedroom door, and I keep my room locked whenever I am not home. Now my cheese is safe. My wife still has plenty of cheese to eat. She just no longer has access to **my fucking cheese**.
She says it shouldn't matter, since we kiss all the time. But I don't want to eat cheese that has someone else's stale saliva on it. No matter how much I love her, food safety is food safety. She is introducing germs into a fertile breeding ground, and I just can't get over that. I need my cheese to be clean.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 44,
"EVERYBODY": 34,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 48,
"WRONG": 40
}
|
RIGHT
|
eT74VUnBBsJ1iSF7lhjlv0V1CJTE1iKp
|
a4a4pf
|
{
"description": "expecting family who comes to visit our 3 month old to help us around the house as well",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for expecting family who comes to visit our 3 month old to help us around the house as well
|
This is more of are we the assholes as my wife and I are on the same page here. We have a 3 month old who is the only grand child on my side of the family, and the only one in the state on hers, so we have a lot of family looking to come and visit frequently. Our families live 1-2 hours away so it’s usually more like day visits instead of quick visits.
Obviously, with me working full time and my wife staying home with a baby who needs almost constant care (along with a 9 month old puppy) and also working a part time remote job, certain house keeping items can fall through the cracks and we get behind. I will point out that we do keep a clean house, I come home from work most nights and tackle either dishes or laundry, and we pick up the clutter and vacuum pretty regularly.
Our mindset is that if family members come to visit for the day on a weekend, we expect them to do more than just hold the baby, but actually help out by maybe doing the dishes, switching laundry to the dryer, taking the dog for a walk, etc just so we can lean on their support for a small break from all the stuff that piles up. Some family members are super giving with their time/efforts and are happy to help, but my wife’s mom and step dad basically expect to come and hold the baby without doing anything else. We have to specifically ask them to do things if we want them to help, and if they do it it’s usually with a pretty snarky/put off attitude.
This was capped off last night when they came to babysit while we went to my company’s Christmas party, and as we were all dressed up and heading out the door, my MIL called out to my wife for help because our son had a poopy diaper and she made us change it before leaving. It’s a small thing but it made my wife confront them about not being helpful when they come to visit, and her mom responded that “that’s not what grandmas are for” and that if we need help we should just hire people for it (they are pretty well off, but we don’t have money for a nanny or anything.)
So we really want to know, are our expectations too high for support from family when they come visit, or is it fair to expect some pitching in when they’re here for several hours/a whole day?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
WRONG
|
tjxoajAYw0JchjjjkoByvcHLYlzRvimp
|
b1p7bg
|
{
"description": "not feeling sorry for everyone with loads and loads of student debt",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not feeling sorry for everyone with loads and loads of student debt?
|
At some point, you have to know what it means when you say, "Yes, please let me borrow that next $10,000. And the next. And the next." I've seen how shitty loan servicing companies are and I know no one expected that (my wife is dealing with Navient, but her loan was only about $8k). If it were between a) signing up for a $50,000 loan (let alone $100,000 like some I've heard of) and b) finding a job to pay for junior or community college then transfer or find a company that pays for tuition and pull out all the stops to work there, I would much rather not sign my life away for the "four year experience."
I know it sucks. I'm not saying your ordeal is fruitless. But a flat tire comes out of no where. Rain clouds can come out of no where. But signing up for student loans was you.
I understand the American dream of getting a college degree. My sister was the first one on my dad's side of our family to graduate college. It was a big deal. But the universities told me I could do four straight years. It was just going to be $10k plus per year that I'd be on the hook for in four years. Signed up for community college and transferred later. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
36MYVLcHZIdIakQhKHRpPmDn7dQhZnOh
|
ap6miu
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang out with my aunt and uncle",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang out with my aunt and uncle ?
|
So a bit of backstory I've (25M) always been close with my aunt who is my mom's sister. My aunt has always been the cool one and the same with her husband. They both are really cool and love to drink/party, which is fine and during family get together's i'm always hanging out with them having a drink and even doing shots with my uncle.
Now for the past 8 months to a year my aunt has been dropping hints that they want to go clubbing with me and another cousin of mine. I was actually kind of suckered into it and GUYS IT'S SUPER AWKWARD.
Fast forward to now, i've been avoiding the "hey lets hang out at a bar or club again" conversation because i really just don't want to. I find it really awkward to party with my aunt and uncle outside of family events and I've mentioned this to my aunt before which made her really upset. So am I the asshole here ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Vl2ZKLIFvJOX5P1MmTmhKhdOit1mxp4n
|
azm8qx
|
{
"description": "asking someone to move their shopping cart",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking someone to move their shopping cart?
|
So I just left a grocery store at the same time as another group of people, and our cars were right next to eachother. They were standing inbetween my car and theirs talking with the cart, and i said excuse me to them so that I could open my door to get it, but they didn't hear me, so I opened it as much as I could without hitting them and squeezed in.
I put my reverse lights on to back up and they still were standing right next to my car, and the cart was over the line a bit and I didn't want to risk hitting it or them. So, I opened the door to ask if they could move their cart up a bit and said thanks when they did, and the lady yelled at me "Jesus. We are just trying to pack our car." I said to them I was just trying to reverse and not hit them, but they continued to point at me and around after I closed the door. I think maybe they took it as me being angry that they were next to my car instead of me trying to hit them, but am I the asshole for asking them to move?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
OitZ081gNtEdXgdp7ZVFsQQyfePbcUX9
|
b4xjm4
|
{
"description": "trying to evade this dangerous situation by physically splitting up",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to evade this dangerous situation by physically splitting up?
|
Hi,
Just yesterday I was out with my girlfriend and our puppy and we stumbled upon 3 moose about 100-200 yards away standing in a tight group. They were all facing us (clearly having seen us) and me being unsure if I can trust our puppy to stay calm and collected and not potentially make the moose feel territorial and stir up some shit, I said "Let's go back. Those are moose, and we shouldn't mess with them." to which my girlfriend (having seen no moose in her life) says "Woww, no! Let's stay and look at them!" and starts walking a bit closer, at which point I again try to interject with "No, for real. Don't mess with moose, they're not nice animals. I'm turning around and leaving right now and you should come too." at which point I grabbed our puppy and started leaving, turning back toward her and saying "Come!" once before we more briskly walk away.
On the walk back when she a few minutes later (fuming and being pissed) joined us I explained what I expected could happen (moose being somewhat territorial by nature, puppy starts barking, moose gets testy, get closer and something bad happens) and she doesn't address this at all and just says "I can't believe you did that!"
Now my girlfriend is annoyed at me for "abandoning" her. Her first argument was that the situation was fine and that people go closer to moose all the time, but then when I pointed out that other people doing risky stuff is no excuse to do risky things she switched to that I abandoned her and that I'm an asshole for it.
From my perspective, if she wanted to stay, fine, she's free to make her own decisions as long as she's informed that they're risky. But I needed to get our unpredictable puppy out of there that might have caused a dangerous situation simply because he doesn't know better and could have endangered us all.
I do understand her point of view. Being 'abandoned' is not a pleasant experience no matter the circumstances, but from my point of view I told her that we were turning around and leaving and why about 3 times before actually doing so, and she decided against it and made her own decision. I don't feel like I'm obliged to make the same mistakes as her just because she doesn't want to follow my lead.
Am I the asshole? I feel like I probably am an asshole for being so unfeeling about it, but at the same time I do not regret in the least how I acted because I've lived in moose-heavy areas before and I know they're nothing to play around with and am not about to get peer pressured into making a stupid decision.
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HISTORICAL
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b10e4n
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{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend 3 days before her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
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|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend 3 days before her birthday?
|
Context: my(15m) now ex-girlfriend(15f) and I have been together for months. She used to tease me alot by being with other guys and have her arms on their shoulders. It would always hurt me but at the end of the day i always forgive her.
But what broke the camel's back was yesterday when she was doing that with one of my "friend" lets call him "Pete". So "Pete" was being an asshole and disturbing my then girlfriend, ngl i was furious at "Pete" and told him to fuck right off, so he went right back to his seat. Then my then girlfriend found it as an opportunity to make me jealous. So what she did was she stood up and sat right next to him and were hugging each other right infront of me, i basically knew that it was over at that point it was like she was asking for our relationship to end. So after that i went nc with her for the rest of the day, it really broke my heart because i would always make time for her and make excuses just to be with her and before all of this she would spend more time with other guys than me. I did what any other logical person would do and end it off through phone call. She was a mess and blamed it on me for taking her "joke" too seriously. The next day i am deemed the asshole between my friends and her for breaking up with her.
TLDR; Broke up with my girlfriend for making me jealous by being next to another guy, now i am the asshole in her and her friend's eyes.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "getting mad at my husband",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my husband?
|
On this particular day, someone came by to inspect our furnaces. They entered the front door which goes from the living room, through the dining room, to the kitchen, and on down to the basement. When my husband got home that afternoon, he looked at the couch in the living room and said "didn't you even bother to straighten up in here, you just let him in the house with it looking like this?" He was referring to the fact that there was a rumpled up throw on the couch and most of the back pillows were piled on the futon. He clearly thought I hadn't bothered to neaten up after he'd been laying there the night before. I replied with "I did straighten up the living room, I was just taking a nap there at lunch. And anyway, it's not as if he's here to inspect the house, he just comes in and goes straight to the basement." Precede the words straighten, nap, inspect, comes and basement with f@#king. AITA for thinking he's the asshole and f-bombing him?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b16ajc
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{
"description": "not wanting to go on a trip with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to go on a trip with my girlfriend?
|
So I’ve been dating this girl for about a year and a half. I really like her. Today she proposed we go on a trip to Disney world. I would have gone but I have a lot going on In my life right now with college and paying rent. I told her I didn’t really want to go because of the reasons stated above. She told me I am scared of being childish. She now will not talk to me because “I don’t want to support her if it means I could look bad” I would actually love to go but it would be a bad move on my end to go.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "walking into a business, knowing I won't be purchasing anything, but simply asking for a small service so I can take my business elsewhere",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for walking into a business, knowing I won't be purchasing anything, but simply asking for a small service so I can take my business elsewhere?
|
I'm getting married in June. My soon to be father-in-law lives out of town in a larger city and is helping me get suits for myself and the groomsmen.
He just needs my measurements help get the right size suit.
Today I walked into a local suit shop and asked an employee if they could take my measurements. I think I made it clear that was all I needed and probably wasn't going to be purchasing anything at their establishment.
I offered to pay them for the measuring as I realized it was sort of an "icky" thing to do. He said someone could help me out but they were just finishing up with a customer.
​
I waited a few minutes and the other guy came over. He asked me if I was purchasing online and I said no, and explained the suit was coming from out of town and I just needed some measurements.
He then told me he didn't really like that because he would rather me spend money at his store (I mean, duh). He then told me about another customer in the store who was ready to drop $1000+ and that it didn't make sense for him to deal with me.
He then said "it would be easy to do" and started spouting out my neck size, chest size and waist size (because I guess he is such a master of measurement he can do it by eye).
I tried to say calm and said something like "I understand where you're coming from, I was just asking if it was something you guys could do for me, you just have to say no, I'll leave".
​
I was pretty flustered, embarrassed and angry. I understand what the issue was, he just kept drilling it into my head that I was waisting his time. I just had to turn around and walk out.
I've never written a google review but I'm so tempted to just shit all over his customer service. I don't want to do it because maybe I'm the asshole for going in their in the first place?
​
Thanks for listening. I hope this is clearly written
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ba1mx8
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{
"description": "not being attracted to my wife now that she's gained weight",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 35
}
|
AITA for not being attracted to my wife now that she’s gained weight?
|
My wife has gained 15 maybe 20 pounds recently. We’re high school sweethearts and when I fell in love with her she was a 90 pound cheerleader.
I knew when we reached our 60’s she might put on a few pounds, but I thought we still had a lot of good years left.
I’ve tried to encourage her to resume her more active lifestyle and cut calories. She used to run three miles every morning but now she only gets out twice maybe three times a week.
She’s eating a lot more. Granted, she is four months pregnant, and the doctors said she’d need to eat more, but I think at this point she’s using it as an excuse to let herself go. I’ve done research and women don’t really need to gain any weight while they’re pregnant until the third trimester, and I’ve seen a lot of pregnant women on Instagram who don’t look at any different only four months in because they doubled down and made fitness a priority.
I still love her more than anyone in the world. I’m just not attracted to her, at all. After a while of not accepting her advances in the bedroom she asked if something was wrong and I was honest with her and she flew into a rage. Now I’m wondering if maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.
I feel bad I made her upset, but I didn’t want to lie to her. I can see why she’d be extra sensitive to feedback right now, and I know women today don’t like getting any comments about their bodies good or bad. I was really just trying to watch out for her best interests.
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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9AdgZ7rjnW1VTHBgf59qkfvTSz8qyPSH
|
ar0rac
|
{
"description": "telling my friend that the girl he likes is an asshole",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend that the girl he likes is an asshole?
|
So, a couple of months ago i started to date this girl, let's name her Suzie Q. When i broke up with her, this friend of us started flirting with her. Eventually, he said to me that Suzie Q was making him feel sad, and he told me that she was deluding him over and over again. I told him that she did the same to me, and that in the last month of relationship i felt the same. He started yelling at me because "I reminded him of my past relationship with Suzie Q" (¿?¿?) and started laughing at how i felt then. I'm really, really confused right now. I know he's an asshole, but am i the asshole too?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b5bxwd
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{
"description": "taking on a new job, leaving my boss after they've helped me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I take on a new job, leaving my boss after they've helped me?
|
My current job is pretty simple, I have 17 years of experience in the industry. I have 2 co-workers whom I don't dislike, but don't get along with. 1 of them is a manager, he steals from the register (boss keeps him on the job because he's a friend and they feel sorry for him) and tries to borrow money from our vendors and regulars due to a gambling habit. He's borrowed more than 5K from all our co-workers combined and refuses to pay them back. He's rude to customers and these costumers come to tell me, this happens almost daily. I've tried to bring these complaints up with the boss, even tried to get them to talk to the costumers, however, they'd rather have me listen to complaints than that they'd solve the problem. Needless to say, our co-workers don't like the manager nor like working with him. Due to my experience and papers I've been promised the manager's position as soon as he'd get fired. However, he did not get fired and has been given another "last" chance (he's been given second, third, etc. chances for 6 years now). The other co-worker with whom I don't get along has given in her resignation a few months ago. I was asked to cover her hours, which I agreed to. This co-worker didn't leave and as compensation I've been given more hours, but not the amount of hours that were promised. She's an okay person, but likes to make little jabs and thinks she's the best in everything. When called out, she ignores you for days/months. Right now, I'm the one that my co-workers come to to complain to or to ask to bring X subject up with the boss. I do feel bad for both my co-workers and my boss, they're kind people and boss has even helped me when I was in a time of need by prepaying my salary (which was then deducted over a few months instead of 1 month). If they hadn't done that, I would've not been able to put down a deposit for the lease of my apartment. An apartment I've been dreaming of ever since I became homeless 2 years prior. So I feel very grateful and very inclined to stay with my current job because of this.
Now I've gotten a new job offer. A managers position with a salary and perks I don't want to refuse. This possible new workplace is also closer to my home, 10 minutes of cycling/5 minutes of public transport vs 30 minutes by car/45 minutes by public transport. I would be an idiot to turn this offer down and I don't want to turn it down because it benefits me greatly in several ways. However, I can't shake the feeling that I'm about to leave my boss screwed. Maybe I'm overthinking or giving myself too much credit, but I'm afraid that if/when I leave, the work environment will become more toxic and people will become less willing to go to our establishment. Reddit, WIBTA if I left and take on this new job or should I just leave and don't look back?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aovgih
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{
"description": "kissing a girl",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for kissing a girl?
|
Situation: Friends with a girl. She tells me she does weird things when she gets drunk and I shouldn't take advantage of her.
She comes over - we are both sober. She suggests watching the show sex education.
We drink one vodka and start to cuddle and watch the show.
She suggests motorcycle vids and has another vodka, me as well. She starts talking about how she's getting orgasms watching this. We still cuddle.
We have another vodka. She sais I can put my hand on her breast. I comply. She asks if I dare put it beneath her bra. I do it.
We start kissing, I don't have the feeling she's much into it.
We stop and have another vodka.
Now I get some texts that I am an asshole and she feeld bad about it and I shouldn't have taken advantage of her, because she told me before we met.
We weren't wasted, I was pretty sober despite the vodka. In my judgement she wasn't too drunk either - no obvious signs at least. I thought she was trying to seduce me?
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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2pEQuNgKN3XgKeyxkYYnHShRULXKQTrk
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ayg73z
|
{
"description": "refusing to wear my wedding ring",
"pronormative_score": 43,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for refusing to wear my wedding ring?
|
It sounds bad, but hear me out. I love my husband sooo much, he is the highlight of my life and I totally understand why he thinks it’s important that I wear a ring.
We have had REALLY bad luck with wedding rings. We’ve been married 2 years now, and have gone through two rings already.
The first we found out it was fake and it started to rust. It was super scratchy and uncomfortable so we went out and bought a new one.
We bought the second one about 4 months ago from JC Penny. It was $2500 and he declined the warranty.
The diamonds are now falling out like crazy. It my opinion it honestly looks horrible and they just keep falling out the more I wear it. I suggested we have it fixed, but really if they are going to just continue to fall out there’s really no point in replacing the ones that have already fallen out.
I tried calling JC penny and they literally told me “too bad, that really sucks but we can’t help you. You should have came in earlier”. I told them they didn’t start falling out until just recently and once again I got the whole “too bad so sad” spiel from them.
I talked with my husband about it and he said I should just wear it and we will buy a new one in a couple years. He got mad when I told him I don’t really want to wear it because I think it looks bad. He said it would make him feel better if I just wear it anyways.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to wear it?
Thank you!
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
sLoqrwoTtjXJUmtDfB5UGyWwLHcZlt6v
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b9yxbs
| null |
AITA for tv roommate's tv breaking while moving my couch?
|
So I rented an apartment with a friend of mine and he was helping me move my couch out of our apartment because our lease is ending, when he knocked his tv over while we were carrying the couch. Is it his fault for breaking it and he's responsible or am i the asshole for causing the whole situation and should help replace it?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
8lqLUYwPqY5u2xtA7UbwzKhXVAgtG7bD
|
ad2i5m
|
{
"description": "not wanting to take certain nudes in a long-term relationship",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to take certain nudes in a long-term relationship?
|
Relationship (5+years) in my mid-20s.
I'm okay with sending full body nudes and him taking full body nudes of me, however, I am not a fan of him taking photos of facials and blow jobs. I just don't really like the photos. He complains because we have been together so long, and asks why am I so turned off and apprehensive. I think he is personally offended when I say no, and then he feels like an asshole because he doesn't want to pressure me into anything.
I fully trust him with the photos - I have full trust he would never show them to anyone and has never betrayed my trust. I feel like an asshole because I don't have a rationale for not wanting to take them, other than it makes me uncomfortable. To a certain degree, I am paranoid if his phone ever gets hacked or something -- that's probably where some of the apprehension comes from (not exactly a grounded reason).
I just need to know if I am being an asshole from a third party, or even some advice would be nice.
Thanks
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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41goATBMpGeD6jE4iEv5NSvMBUbPoAI6
|
as6z5g
| null |
AITA Deducted Utilities for Roommate While He Was Away On Vacations
|
So here's the deal. My roommate went to his home country for a month. He left on the night of Dec. 12 and returned the evening of Jan. 14. Gas and Electric is under my name and we split 50/50. Internet is under his name ($33/month; I pay $17 and he $16). So he didn't pay his rent for the month of January until the second last day of the month (just rent; no utilities share) and after constant reminders. He's on a Fulbright scholarship and well-off enough to visit his home at the end of every semester. I'm also an international graduate student but I haven't been able to afford the tickets for the last two years so you can do the math.
Anyway, for this month (Feb) I deducted his skipped utilities' share as well as the current bills and he made a big mess out of it. For electric, the service period was from Nov. 29 to Dec. 31 so he technically used the utilities for 14 days. He used gas for 12 days for the (Dec. 1 -31 period). Besides, he had a guest over before he left that stayed for five days. He stays mostly at home (Masters student with no RA duties) and me being a doctoral GRA go out in the morning and sometimes return at midnight. Still, I've always shared half of the utilities despite him being the majority user. Based on the latest spar, I'm thinking to replace him. Will that be a good idea?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
SmhRcCBxORzHv5g9Fa3sp4wWKfBtrvNr
|
aricop
|
{
"description": "moving to a different city to secure a better job that had a rare opening while leaving my at home with my three year old to orchestrate the move",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For moving to a different city to secure a better job that had a rare opening while leaving my at home with my three year old to orchestrate the move?
|
Moving from Hanoi to HCMC, got a better job, (money is about 10% more, but my child will get free tuition eventually, saving me 10,000 USD a year if we stay, also pay bump after 12 months) I had to leave over Tet holiday, very unusual time for a job opening. Talked to the wife about the situation, she was mostly for it (she's not employed full time) and my income is 90% of the household. She's very stressed. I left her plenty of money for help with the move and my son goes to a daycare which is paid for. I was living in a hotel, driving all over the place eventually finding our new apartment. So I'm working a lot too.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TQOrYXDKfFLPz7hiUMGQQ3Sfk8BwHtFo
|
awxbmf
|
{
"description": "telling the home owner that they can't reserve public curb parking with a cone just because they have a tradesman coming",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for telling the home owner that they can’t reserve public curb parking with a cone just because they have a tradesman coming?
|
Was parking my car this morning and this house had a cone in front so no one could park alongside the curb.
I’ve seen this many times before in the area so I got out of the car and removed the cone.
Then comes the house owner saying that I shouldn’t park there because her carpet guy needs to park there.
What’s the general consensus on reserving spots for your tradies outside your home?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
D1xRKzlLskXDDfAG946L5dLQCQMvjmbK
|
auj0o3
|
{
"description": "not being able to come to a family holiday because I've made my own plans and now I've been cut off and disowned",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not being able to come to a family holiday because I’ve made my own plans and now I’ve been cut off and disowned. (Toxic Family Culture)
|
First of all, I come from a strict (Filipino) family. I (22 F) have graduated from law school and I have a job at a law firm. I don’t live at home anymore and I currently live with my boyfriend (22 M). I have always tried to help my family whenever I can. But I’ve been accused of forgetting them and abandoning them.
For example, my dad suggested to go on holiday to the Philippines this summer as a family. But I’ve said I can’t come because it clashes with my own plans to travel and I’ve only said then because the topic of holidays came up. I have planned to go interrailing. He got very angry and said that I’ve only thought of myself and placed more importance on my boyfriend then them. He said I should have suggested interrailing to them but it’s not like a family holiday. It’s what students and young people do. I may have been selfish here. He said that I should have told him earlier about it rather than now. But I thought what difference does it make and I haven’t completely finished my plan to travel yet but I’ve already committed to saving that date to travel.
My mother then sent abusive texts and called me 10x wishing the worst for me and swore and disowned me. I said that I wasn’t going to answer if she was going to shout and be rude. But she said she doesn’t care and that I should answer her calls. This was during my birthday lunch yesterday which bf treated me to as today is my birthday. (No messages from them still and I didn’t expect to)
They say that I am an asshole and I’ve never been useful. When a few days ago I applied a loan (£4K) on their behalf so they can go on the said holiday and I’ve always given them money when they need it. Like my dad I have him £250 for the car and this weekend. It just hurts as everything I do for them is always wrong.
TLDR; parents get angry and disown me because I couldn’t go on a family as I’ve made my own plans even when I try to help them financially to go on the said holiday.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ZdMliFGhHC3N09Tjzn0UvlFYiL19939T
|
a39r3x
|
{
"description": "wanting to be friends with someone my girlfriend hates",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to be friends with someone my girlfriend hates
|
I’ve made a few posts in the recent past about this situation, more or less, but I’ll recap it.
Last year, when I was a freshman in college, I met these two girls that I quickly became good friends with. We would frequently talk in our class that we had together and hang out in their room just reading doing homework. They were definitely my best friends at school and I told my girlfriend (who lives 5hrs away) that they were excited to meet her. She wasn’t thrilled to say the least. From then on I didn’t mention them much out of fear of upsetting her, until one day she saw I was talking to them on my phone and told me I needed to stop. I was undeniably stupid and selfish, and so I chose to keep talking/texting these girls, albeit only in class, because I really had no other friends at school. A few weeks later she saw our group chat and was immediately convinced I was cheating. I realized my behavior was awful and did my best to rebuild her trust, but she’s still mean about it sometimes even after a year. This process included me blocking those two friends on everything online and not talking to them after I informed them that my girlfriend wasn’t comfortable with it.
Recently I’ve been seeing them every so often, just walking around campus or sometimes with other people I know, and my heart just aches. I just want to be friends with them... I really haven’t found anyone else at school that I’m comfortable with so I’ve lived in seclusion for a whole year and it’s been misery. I’m tempted to talk to them again but I know that I can’t without hurting my girlfriend, so I’ve chosen not to engage with them and I only acknowledge them with a simple “hi” or “how’s it going” if I see them, though my girlfriend would feel that is unacceptable as well.
But my question remains if I’m the asshole for continuing to think about something that my girlfriend isn’t comfortable with. Part of me thinks that I’m justified in wanting to have these friends in my life but part of me feels like I’m selfish for putting my needs above my girlfriend’s wishes.
For reference, the reason my girlfriend believed I was cheating is because I allowed her to read through our messages and at one point they said “don’t be sad, we love you!” and I replied basically with something like “haha love you too thanks”. That, combined with my failure to tell her that I was still talking to them, was evidence enough of me cheating. I still feel guilty about it and it’s a sore topic among us.
AITA Reddit? I want to make clear that regardless I won’t actually talk to them behind my girlfriend’s back, but I want to know if it’s wrong or selfish to have these feelings of loneliness without my friends. I really wish I was more easily social with guys but I’ve always been someone to be more comfortable around girls and now it’s causing problems. I just want friends, I promise. I’ve tried making more in at least a dozen different ways but I’m not very good at it. It’s not for a lack of trying.
TL;DR I was dishonest in the past to my girlfriend about two friends and after I cut them off I miss them.
Thanks for reading.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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uu4LMTtg2nXnwsVDwRh4A50jq8Xczqlb
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a28ptw
| null |
AITA - Stopped wearing my engagement ring
|
We were together for 4.5 years, and I had told him since year 1, I am not comfortable with an engagement ring. When I was a kid, I watched someone's ring get caught in the fence and this man lost a piece of his finger. Additionally, I come from a family of contractors so the stories of people getting rings caught into things are plenty (many people don't wear rings in my family, but are happily married). I have this fear my engagement ring would get caught. I offered alternatives like a tattoo, rubber rings, or just a thin band.
For years he said "If I get a ring, you're wearing it, you're irrational, that's so stupid, I'm not wearing a wedding ring then". I told him if it is his decision to not wear a wedding band because he is worried now too, I would respect that ( although he just said it to seemingly get even). I understand my fear my be irrational to someone else, but it is a real fear to me. Fast forward 3.5 years into our courtship, I get an engagement ring. I cry at the proposal, say yes, we are both beaming. BEAUTIFUL ring btw, and I thanked him for it. I wear the ring for 4 months, it gets caught numerous times on things. To a normal person I guess, it wouldn't bother them, but to me, it made me feel anxious. I expressed this to my ex. I stopped wearing the ring the last 6 months of our relationship.
I will also add that I wore a promise ring for a little while prior to the engagement. It rarely got caught and helped me feel better about rings, including the thought of wearing a wedding band. However, the engagement ring was another story, it would get caught a decent amount of times and its easier to remember I was wearing a ring. I'll also add that I work in a public safety related field and sometimes I wear gloves ( drugs and bodily fluids mostly), the engagement ring ripped through them.
It's not like I didn't want to wear the ring to hide my relationship status, I didn't like him, didn't really want to be engaged, or anything like that...I legit worry due to the bulkier nature of an engagement ring I could get it caught and it could harm me. I expressed it to him numerous times how I felt and it felt like it fell on deaf ears.
I'm reflecting back on the relationship (don't want to make the same mistakes next relationship) and this is one of the reasons he broke up with me, citing " YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST ACCEPTED THE RING". I felt like I did accept the ring, I never complained about it, just didn't feel comfortable wearing it. AITA for not wearing the ring?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
2esUTdEBvH3Dc9y9b6d7k0wtZvcLbfpJ
|
ao83v4
|
{
"description": "being upset with my wife for cancelling a plan to be with her sick mother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA For being upset with my wife for cancelling a plan to be with her sick mother
|
Ok so this sounds bad but bear with me.
We're supposed to be attending a 40th birthday party this coming Saturday for my step mum. My wife's mother had surgery last week to remove part of her lung due to a tumor. This is obviously major surgery and she's still recovering from it now. We've spent a lot of time at the hospital with her keeping her company but not much else.
As for my mother in law's condition, she's not great. She's got a tube draining her lung and is subsequently not very mobile. She's also in some pain because of the tube. Having said that, the medical staff are confident she'll be discharged on Monday and with the tube gone quite a bit of her self sustainance will return. She's also been making marked recovery aside from a slight set back yesterday.
Now, having said all that, my mother in law also has other people who could support her, including her husband. These guys are a little further away from the hospital than us (an hour as opposed to our 30 mins) so my wife isn't the only person helping out. My sister in law is also flying down over the weekend to help out.
On Monday this week, just after the surgery, I told my dad that my wife wouldn't be able to attend. But then after that, as my mother in law began to recover we agreed my wife would be able to make it after all. After my mother in law's recovery stalled a little though, my wife now thinks she should stay.
Here's what's getting me: she isn't actually physically helping her mum, at least she's not doing anything that others couldn't do, her mum isn't in any danger of suddenly getting worse, her mum has plenty of other people to look after her but here's the kicker: _we'd only be gone for one night_. I simply can't understand why she feels she has to stay. Am I the asshole for not getting this through my thick skull?
Caveat: there's something to be said for her not feeling like partying very much, which I do understand of course, but I'd like focus on the whole mum being sick aspect as I'm trying to determine if my feelings about that Vs the party are assholish, not if she should come to the party strictly speaking.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
5s8xehZyuvXN3EEAGbfXfaTVYFBnKG5E
|
axm9zl
|
{
"description": "calling my friend a racist",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling my friend a racist?
|
My friend is Scottish with Middle Eastern family but claims he’s a real hood n...a but I said that’s racist AITA ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
JazmPCXogkahlxMUwRu7wX6QRU52oycj
|
ay7b9z
|
{
"description": "no longer giving rides to my airman friend who can't drive to work",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for no longer giving rides to my airman friend who can't drive to work?
|
For about a month and a half, I've been giving rides to an airman friend who is medically restricted from driving, meaning he requires accommodation to get from home to his work on an air force base. He's currently divorcing his wife, who is also my best friend, and as such she's moved into a different house (and I moved with her - we lived together already, anyway). I wasn't working for a bit, but I still woke up early to make sure he had a ride to base, and picked him up from base when he was done (two round-trips, about 18 miles each, mostly on my own dollar - he only offered to fill my tank once in the month and a half, and that was after I had a bit of a financial crisis and bitched about it).
I recently started a new job which runs from 8 in the morning to 4 at night, and the location for this job is on the opposite end of town (an hour long drive from the base). I told him that I would still try to get him to work so he isn't left in the dust and doesn't get into trouble. He said he would like to be there at 0530 to do his required PT before his shift, which I agreed to, but told him that this would only be viable for about a week. (I also advised another mutual friend of this situation and he said he might be able to give rides on certain days, but didn't necessarily say what days.) This meant I had to wake up at 4, rush to get ready, drive to his place, pick him up, drive him up to the base, then drive to work (with not really enough time in between to get any more sleep). I completed my first day of work and was exhausted the rest of the day, but still intended on sucking it up for this week to give him time to look for other accommodations beginning next week.
Today, I still woke up at 4am, still extremely tired, and drove to pick him up. I arrive and message him saying that I am there. No response. I send another message and wait another 10 minutes, with no response. I call him, he answers and after saying that I was outside waiting for him, he tells me that (other friend) was supposed to give him a ride later that morning, and that I should have known. I told him that I wasn't made aware of this, he said "oh shit, well sorry" and offered to compensate for the lost gas. I said "alright" and hung up the phone.
I angrily took my exhausted self back home, made breakfast and tried to rest before having to leave for work an hour later. Once I composed myself I checked my messages to see another apology. I told airman friend that instead of paying me for gas that he needs to get a bus pass and that I won't be providing rides anymore.
AITA for cutting him off?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
aue0hx
|
{
"description": "being upset about my best friend's new relationship",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset about my best friend's new relationship
|
My best friend (M24) and I (M23) have been as close as brothers for years. A few months ago he met a girl and they got serious very quickly, and he says he loves her. She seems like a nice girl and theyre a great couple and I know he is happy, but ever since he started dating her he's becoming more and more distant. He spends a good amount of his free time with her and when he's with her he wont answer his phone. He still makes an effort to see me and his other friends but when we're hanging out he's messaging her constantly. I also feel like he tells me less and less about his day to day life now, like we still talk a lot but it doesn't really have any substance, I just get short responses or really generic answers. He'll also spend a few days with her at her place and then blow off other plans afterwards because he's tired.
I know I should be happy for him and I'm probably being a juvenile asshole for feeling this way but I miss my friend. He's still the most important person in my life, and I'm not the most important person in his anymore.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
a0zyrU75CI1NfCwYK5JyPRTAyFPKALHs
|
b7x4qx
|
{
"description": "not wanting to visit my mom at all even though I was spoiled rotten as a kid and still get help occasionally",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not wanting to visit my mom at all even though i was spoiled rotten as a kid and still get help occasionally.
|
Growing up my father worked 60+ hours a week at a position making good money, so we lived in the upper middle class kind of life. I got everything I wanted as a kid and it showed in my attitude. my mom being a stay at home mom got the worst of it because she was around all the time.
Growing older and older however I started to ask for less and less. Because I wanted to feeling of achieving and getting something all by myself. I stopped asking for things at Christmas, my birthday, and holidays. Even though they would still get me things. My mom actually started to complain because she didn't know what I wanted because I never asked for anything.
Also growing up I realized I was an introvert. So being in school all day wore me out. By the time I got home I was all socialed out and wanted to be held up in my room and in that presepctive I kept to myself.
My mom's attitude towards me changed as I became more and more Independent. Some of her words because harsher and harsher. Then I started to think about how my mom would act during evening.
She would constantly be on her computer. I'd try to talk to.her she wouldn't listen because she was playing a game on her computer. Even eating dinner.... Computer. She ignored us after we became teenagers, and then became angry at us when we would interrupt her wanting to tell her about out day.
She started putting me in stress filled situations like putting me in between my dad and her in an argument and having me be the mediator. After a while of this obvious I acted out and eventually asked to go to a therapist.... She told me therapy is for weak people and then repeated it.
Now I'm in my twenties moved out she live at least an hour away. And is still managing to upset me from that distance. Whenever we are in person it's a guilt trip about how she doesn't see me enough. I tried to explain to her what an introvert was and she threw it back in my face. This post would be a book if I wrote everything. Very rarely will she do something nice but then it gets held over my head or twisted.
I've met the love of my life and the only one not happy for me is her. When I talked to people that know the situation significant other excluded they give me a foul response like I'm the bad guy.
So.....I decided to ask an internet full of strangers
Am I an asshole if I just cut all ties with her every though everything she has done for me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
UtupTvsMrb4cGnDoW3iG888njo0jtE6I
|
ae3mlr
|
{
"description": "taking back the gift I bought my ex for her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA If I take back the gift I bought my ex for her birthday?
|
Last week I gave a small 4.4 cubic foot refrigerator as a birthday gift for my ex’s apartment. It cost me about $250, which isn’t a whole lot of money but definitely isn’t nothing either. Less than a week later I discover she has been frequently texting her ex though she told me several months ago she had stopped. We have only been together about 8 months but this has been an ongoing issue with her so I decided to not allow myself to be played or lied to anymore and simply cut my losses. When I first bought the fridge one of my friends asked where I bought it as he was considering buying one for himself. I’m fairly certain he will be willing to buy it from me even if at a discount being that it is already out of the packaging. If she had had it for a few months before I discovered her lies I would just let her keep it but being that it was not even a week I feel like maybe I have the right to ask for it back. She is selfish but not a bad person and I believe she will give it back to me if I ask her. I should probably also mention that in October we took a trip to Halloween Horror Nights and we agreed we would split the gas (we took my car) and she would pay me back the $160 I spent for her ticket and I would cover the hotel. I ended up paying 80% of the gas and she never again brought up the $160 she owes me even though it was made very clear and she fully understood she was supposed to pay her share. I honestly found that to be really tacky because I would never do something like that. Anyway, WIBTA? Thanks for reading!
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
qN953zRTGysDgZo8YTzxSxl7OeVcr9Kr
|
ahhnr8
|
{
"description": "flying across the country for sex when I'm seeing someone else, but it's not serious",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For flying across the country for sex when I'm seeing someone else, but it's not serious.
|
Hear me out...I've (30m unemployed music teacher) been seeing a girl (31f Law student) I met on bumble regularly, about once a week, and talking/texting almost every day for 5 months now. We've had the talk about what we want but since we both live with our parents respectively we've agreed to keep things casual. About 3 months in I asked if she'd like to be my girlfriend but she said no. I was cool with it and we've been having a great time together. A couple weeks ago I reconnected with an old friend (29f nurse) who was in town for just a few days. We finally met up on her last day in town(California) and old attractions flared up and we hooked up. She went back across the country(Connecticut) and we've been talking about me coming to see her and hook up again and even offered to pay for my flight. I told her that I'm seeing someone here, but since it's not serious she doesn't mind. Am I the asshole for flying to Connecticut to hook up with nurse without telling Law student why?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
oZtohlrtInYxx717LPW5vj0SHY4eoWaj
|
b1or9l
|
{
"description": "not answering the phone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not answering the phone?
|
This could wind up being a long convoluted explanation, or a very short and simple one. I'm going to try to keep it short. I am on mobile so I apologize for the formatting and possible autocorrect.
I work as a store manager for a retail franchise. My store closes at 8pm. The two bosses I have are the district manager and the owner. They have been upset with me since I took a paid vacation, which they offered me. I had made a few jokes/comments about how I was excited to go on vacation because that meant nobody from work could call me. I usually can't go a single day without somebody calling me and keeping me on the phone for an hour.
I work 40 hours, I get paid 40 hours. I am expected to work overtime but I do not get paid more than 40 hours. I am also expected to keep my phone on me "at all times". Today was my first day off in a whole week, and an employee in my store called me at 5pm. I answered, handled the situation, and hung up. The store closed at 8pm as per usual, so at this point I assume I don't have to babysit my phone anymore because nobody is working and nobody should be calling me.
My phone rings at 11pm. It's the district manager. I don't answer. I get a text saying "plz call me" and 20 minutes later my phone rings again. I still don't answer. This particular manager has a habit of calling and keeping me on the phone for hours at a time for very tiny details that can are not, on any scale, big issues.
Right now my nerves are shot because my managers have been nit-picking with me over little details and pushing me to quit ever since my vacation 2 months ago. I just want to be prepared for whatever happens when I wake up and call them back in the morning.
AITA for ignoring them just because it's late?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
bB3NtV1jOdvm9G3BRDwLSWmTmRZOyte2
|
ax63cy
|
{
"description": "reporting my parents and putting my mother in hospital",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for reporting my parents and putting my mother in hospital?
|
Yesterday, my parents came to my brothers house. He wasn't home so they couldn't get in, when I get out of school my bf came with me. When we reached home we saw my parents in front of the house. When they saw us they became mad and started to insult us and my dad started to attack me physically. My bf tries to stop him but he fought my bf, then my mother started to attack me as well. I just didn't move. Then out of nowhere I saw my bf punching my father then my mother attacked my bf with her bag and shoes, while my father and my bf where fighting they mistakenly pushed her and she fall on the ground, she lost conscious.
​
Then I called the police, I didn't even care to call the ambulance. My father was taken by the police, my mother was taken by the ambulance and me and bf went with the police. we told them everything and even about preview abuses, that they beat me with wire and we showed them the injuries. my brother came and also told them a lot. he chose to report his parents for me?
​
I feel lonely and cold after what I have done. I didn't want to report them but I did it. They must hate me more now.
​
so, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
lGD5wro56KQn9AJqpNy2N253k3Dvyz8e
|
aiu9c3
|
{
"description": "being mad at a Bipolar friend Over Someone Else's edgy Joke",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For Being Mad At A Bipolar Friend Over Someone Else's Edgy Joke
|
(Sorry if my formatting is bad I'm on mobile)
I have a friend with very mild bipolar disorder who is mad at me over a school shooting joke her friend told us.
I have the very stereotypical school shooter look (A.K.A I'm A white kid who wears a trench coat, combat boots, ski mask, and snap back.) I'm very use to being the butt of the jokes in my school and she's use to hearing them. Well one day she joked around saying that if I where to ever go through with the jokes I should give her my hat first. Well she walked away for a bit and her and my close friend suggested I should walk into school one day put the hat on her head and say "I won't be needing this anymore". At that point I started cracking up so she came back over and asked what was funny, so her friend repeats the joke and she gets mad and storms off. She slowly distanced herself from me but not the people making the jokes. She's also been trying to ruin my life by grasping at straws to go tell the school officials. I finally asked one of her friends why she's been doing this and they brushed it off as her bipolar disorder (we where friends for 6 years and this never once came up between me and her.) I finally got tired of this and started retaliating by making fun of her for every insult thrown my way
Her friends started confronting me calling me the asshole for "bullying" a girl with "bipolar disorder". They also have been distancing from me or getting mad when I insult her back. The friend who made the original comment refuses to take the blame because "it's funny to see me mad".
I'm not looking for justification for me I just want to get other people's opinion on whose the asshole. I'm also sorry if it seems like there's a lot of bias I tryed my best to stay subjective
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
g4DFLOGjiLnTUWBnbjoT1ecoTWCcjWgy
|
ad20ii
|
{
"description": "not visiting my suicidal friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not visiting my suicidal friend
|
My friend has been suffering with mental illness long term, I won't go into all of them here for her privacy needless to say there's a lot of issues going on there.
We were pretty close friends about 2 years ago she was making good progress on getting better then had an episode and did some pretty horrible stuff after which she moved interstate and cut ties with all her friends.
6 months ago she calls out of the blue to inform me she married a guy she knew for only a month and she was moving back to home and she hoped we could be friends again.
Anyway she moves home, we start to hang out and I can tell she has totally backsliding on all the progress she made mental health wise, her new husband "doesn't believe in mental illness" and while she started taking anti depressents and mood stabilizers again she mixes them with copious amounts of alcohol and passes out from drinking most nights, when I suggested you aren't meant to mix medication and alcohol I was told "the doctor didn't mention I couldn't so it's probably fine".
Anyway this has resulted in 3 suicide attempts in the last 2 months, she refuses a stay in the mental health Ward(we are in a country with universal healthcare so cost is not as much of a factor) and when we try talk to her about getting help she just claims "my medication made me do it" and insists she needs no further help and it won't happen again.
The first two times I rushed to visit her in hospital as soon as it happened to try help and support her, but this time I just can't, it doesn't seem like she wants to stop this or get help anymore, me supporting her doesn't help her friends being there is not gonna help. All our mutual friends are calling me an asshole for not rushing there again, but I
feel like I need to withdraw for my own emotional well being cause at this point I only see it ending one way.
So am I an asshole for tapping out and giving up on my suicidal friend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
iSOfVxJ7vM3JtLli64sKX69CwPENCpQj
|
ay4808
|
{
"description": "wanting my money back",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my money back?
|
Just recently (about a month ago) my gf of 3 years and fiancé ended our relationship abruptly. One night she said she thought we should break up, she was out of state the next day.
The issue is though, that we had recently purchased a car together. It was her first car, my second. Pretty cheap but nice. We bought it knowing that it was for both of us. Either could use it at any time. She paid the majority, or rather was making payments. Its also in her name. Its undoubtely HER car. But ill be damned if i didnt give her a grand for a car i thought id be able to use as well. Idk i wasnt going to be the jerk to demand my money back, as she was still trying to get on her feet where shes living now but am i the asshole for wishing i had my money back?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
EoDmml5CijcnNUZ6a5ykTBG5jHCZD2CX
|
b4bg7x
|
{
"description": "asking my neighbour to stop \"borrowing\" my dog to distract her autistic son",
"pronormative_score": 629,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my neighbour to stop "borrowing" my dog to distract her autistic son?
|
I've had this dog since I was a kid and he's getting on in years now, but he's still pretty spritely for his age. I play rough with him in the garden or throw a ball around for maybe an hour a day, and he also gets walked twice a day for half an hour each and comes swimming with me whenever the weather's nice (which is most days). Suffice to say he's not lacking in attention or exercise.
I have a neighbour who has two dogs of her own that are less energetic and prefer to lounge about in the sun rather than go adventuring. She also has a 12yo autistic son (Alex). He's a good kid but lacks some social boundaries and can fly off the handle when stressed out or bored. So one day my neighbour was working from home and was trying to keep him entertained so she could concentrate, and I got text saying, "Hi! Hope it's okay but I sent Alex to walk your dog." I said it was all fine and told them to have fun, and I figured that was the end of it.
Nope. Alex now takes my dog out everyday (without asking, so I'll come home and find he's disappeared with the gate open and I'll panic), and then the neighbour will also "borrow" him for an hour or two whenever she's at home and needs to distract Alex. I really, really, really don't mind if she needs some quiet time and asks occasionally, since I'm sure my dog enjoys the extra attention.
I've just got a few issues with some of it. One, my dog isn't a child's toy, he's a member of my family and I like having him close by. I have anxiety and depression and coming home to my dog bouncing around waiting for a walk is one of the few things that really destresses me. Now, I get home and he won't be returned to me until dinner time, and I miss out on bonding with him outdoors.
Two -- and I'm not sure whether this is the fault of the neighbour or Alex -- my dog has started developing bad habits since this whole routine started. He used to be very well-mannered, where you could drop a steak on the floor in front of his nose and he wouldn't eat it until you explicitly said he could. Now he begs at the table when he's inside, climbs onto my bed and couch without my permission (he's big and double coated, so he leaves hair everywhere), and will just generally behave in ways he wouldn't have dared to a month ago. I vaguely mentioned it when we were having drinks together the other night and my neighbour laughed and said, "Oh he'll climb right onto Alex's lap on the couch."
I complained about it to a friend last night and she said I was being selfish, since I don't understand what it's like to raise a child with a disability, and that it's not hurting anyone if my dog gets extra attention (even though he's not really, since it's cutting in my personal time with him). And now I feel bad, because I can see how much Alex loves my dog, and I don't really want to be a dick just because I'm jealous somebody else is spending time with him.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 604,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
eElVgHYQv56gWnikPMrz3FDlHekGOumA
|
anhtmx
|
{
"description": "wanting my dad to do something about my older brother",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting my dad to do something about my older brother?
|
To start off, I am a 19 y/o female and my brother is a 24 y/o male. He's lived with my dad (59) and my other brother (27) for around a year and a half now. Let me preface this by saying I by no means hate my brother: I just can't stand living with him, nor can I tolerate a number of his behaviours. Ever since he moved in with us, life at home just hasn't been as good. He lives in the converted attic/loft, which is directly above mine and my dads room, and is rarely not making noise, either by shouting and otherwise being verbally loud (he's a 'gamer'), banging and smashing furniture because he died or something, or walking around (the creeky af floors) till past midnight. He hoards dirty plates and glasses in his room for days at a time and leaves said mess in the sink for someone else to clean up (which personally is repulsive and as someone with a mild germ issue, this stresses me out). He's very anti-social so doesn't really spend time with us, cannot be disagreed with without an argument ensuing, smokes weed 'out of the window' - not that it smells like it - which is an annoyance not only because it smells, but because its illegal. He's also very aggressive at times. I mentioned about the banging when he games - well, that's the tip of the iceberg. In pain? Hit something. Internet cuts out? Hit something. There's no milk? Hit something. Any mild/moderate inconvenience? Hit something. Including people. On my 19th birthday, he threw a full bottle at my bed, ripping open my ear, and then punched me in the face. When we got home, he had to be restrained by my dad and boyfriend multiple times to prevent him assaulting me a third time, and even spat at me. He threatened to kill me when I said I was going to phone the police. He tried to defend himself by saying I provoke people. Right.
So, as you can tell, he's not an ideal person to be around. And my dad knows this. But he does little to nothing. When he moved in with us, he told me that things would change. His anger problem would be addressed, his basic inability to function like a normal adult wouldn't be tolerated, etc. Of course these turned out to be just words. My dad feels as though his hands are tied, and in a way, I get it. He doesn't want to have to kick out - or even threaten to kick out - his son. But the problem is, he's going to have to end up choosing between the two of us, because I can't tolerate it. Every day there is another thing I have to bring to my dads attention, and he's no longer interested in hearing it and tells me to give it a rest. He says I'm being unfair and that there's nothing he can do. Am I an asshole for pursuing it? I have to live here too. In fact, I've lived with my dad since I was 12, and only continue to live here as I'm a student and can't afford to move out. To be honest with you, I'm scared of my brother 70% of the time, and don't feel safe or comfortable in my own home, which makes me really sad. Am I overreacting? What should I do?
TL/DR: my elder brother is loud, messy and aggressive, and I want my dad to act on it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
PR4dOA31WaahV4eGpiwffQWpNxyQQkNu
|
apgh8v
|
{
"description": "asking people on the bus taking up an extra seat with a bag to move so I can sit down",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking people on the bus taking up an extra seat with a bag to move so I can sit down?
|
I commute to work by bus daily. It's only a 30 minute ride and I have no problem standing if the seats are actually all taken but it annoys me that very frequently I see people place their bags on the empty seats next to them, and leave them there while the bus is filling up and people are left standing. I'm questioning my actions because when I ask to sit down I get glares from the person who has to move their bag and from the people in line behind me who have to wait for me to sit down. Am I overthinking this or are my actions rude in some way? I'm commuting from NJ to NYC at peak rush hour time, btw.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
xXulfYLRKeR2FEwtYYPcZBNDp39zwxPQ
|
b9cgrq
|
{
"description": "taking a job where my GF works",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking a job where my GF works
|
Wondering if AITA and also need some advice. My girlfriend and I met at work (psych unit in bigger hospital) she was a student on a clinical. We started dating after she had finished her clinical. Fast forward few months, she applied for and got a job on the unit I worked on. Because it was different shifts and my old role required travel we rarely saw each other. Fast forward to now (at this point now dating 1.5 years) I tried out for US Navy and got medically DQ'd at basic (still dating GF). Came back and basically told all my former employers what happened and that I'm looking for work. The unit my GF works on (where I used to work) immediately told me they would hire me back, only this time we would work similar shifts and roles(so likely work together closely). I really want to take this position over other offers I have as I love the unit, the management is great, and the colleagues are amazing. It's also much safer than other hospitals I have worked at (I've always worked in psychiatric care and this is the best workplace I have had). I was very forward with management about relationship and they said HR okayed us working together and they are cool with it because of my good work history there and professionalism. Only my GF doesn't want me to work there, she says she feels this way because she doesn't want to mix her personal/professional life, she feels it's "her workspace" now, and is worried about other coworkers talking about us/watching us under a microscope. Am I the asshole for taking this job despite my GF not wanting me to?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
znDYZzOGkJaYvnX1P1b8Ix2PWiZ8JtjP
|
am1ldd
|
{
"description": "having doubts about my girlfriend because of religion",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For having doubtS about my girlfriend because of Religion.
|
Hi everyone, firstly I love my girlfriend more than anyone else; I can honestly say she is an amazing and beautiful woman. We’ve been together around 8-9 months and we where best friends before for about 5ish years.
However..... the one huge issue is she is religious, she come from a Muslim family/upbringing and I’m from a mainly atheist one. While I have no issue with religion, I’ve never really found any reason to follow it and I kinda think in this age it does more harm than good. I love her and i told her I’d do anything for her; including converting (I have to convert to be with her, or else we couldn’t be together). I tried to look into religion with an open mind but every time I think about it I feel sick; I just think it’s kinda wrong (please not tryna upset people here, it’s just my personal opinion)
So now I’m at the stage where I’m beginning to doubt we can work; I feel like I could either be with her and live a lie as a Muslim, and raise Muslim kids or we could go our separate ways and I’ll feel destroyed and also immensely guilty for hurting her, and it would hurt her badly. She is my best friend and I said I could become religious for her but after looking into it I can honestly say to me at lest none of it makes sense.
On top of this I’m gunna move out from home soon (I’m 24 and just graduated; about to start my career) and my gf desperately wants to get married- as she feels sinful being with me, I said I’d be okay with getting married soon but thinking about becoming Muslim makes me feel desperately unhappy. Part of me thinks it too soon as well.
So am I the asshole for feeling this way, I feel torn between the woman I love who I want to be with but it comes with the caveat of following something I struggle to believe in. I feel like to be with her I’d be living a lie. I truly wanted to embrace the religion but I couldn’t and now I’m lying to her that I’m okay with it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ndQEVl0Kw3UocUxcuy1pnuKyGdx1P6Fo
|
b0iy9o
|
{
"description": "wanting more out of a friendgroup rp",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting more out of a friendgroup rp?
|
I and some friends have an roleplay story in a chat. It's a word where B and M have been working on since youth and are very attached to. A few years later L got added, then my BF, B's GF, I got in, GF left a rampage that tore our friend group, now everything seems fine again.
The story itself is like a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, but with the exeption being that M is the DM (dungeon master, guy running the game) and also the main PC (player character, in our case, we have multiple at once). And this frustrates me. M wants to be the main protagonist, the main antagonist, every important plot NPC and B and L are totally fine with it. But they also get to have more everything. They are more important.
My BF and I have spoken about this, he also sees we get sidelined but he is less confrontational than I am and we as a group have had discussions about this before. They say I stick too much to history and real world logic and want too much reason in it while they "just" want to have fun.
I talked with them too after I basically got an anxiety breakdown trying to introduce a new character in a fightscene, but I couldn't because I knew she was going to be ignored, belittled and pushed to the sideline. Like the others. We talked and they tried to be friendly and helpful saying that if I had questions I just need to ask or if I get stuck or feel something isn't right just to say it. "It's an rp, we want to have fun together" but they don't put action behind those words.
Then there is tonight. B started a fightscene with his evil child of a demonlord. M steps in telling us to stop because he can't be there (nevermind the thousand times L, BF or me ask for a pause because of something). B ignores this and BF and I use our goodguy demonlord child sisters to fight B.
And he completely ignores any attack we make, prefering to taunt our PC's.
I'd say that since the sisters and B's PC are of equal powerlevel, the fight should be in BF and my advantage or at least equal, but no. I text B asking why the fight is going like it is and he ignores it completely and after BF got destroyed and his PC almost dying I'm done and I tell BF so. I'm being ignored, he's destroyed and B seems to have the time of his life with his power fantasy.
After the fight is over B sents me eight messages explaining why his PC got to do what he did and we didn't, from a non-existant powerdifference between the demonparents to "but the bad guy is supposed to be stronger". It doesn't matter what his excuse is, they do this with all that isn't theirs.
I feel like they dragged me into this story just to get NPC's to work off of, without caring about other people and what they might want. They act like being included is a gift. That all I see is my problem. It honestly makes me feel like I'm not even wanted here.
AITA for wanting to have some control in the game, stable laws and a feeling of inclusion?
I feel like I'm emotionally exaggerating or being arrogant for wanting this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bfwe8Y871px2JSdJcjXxB6WJOxcVthth
|
b14nja
|
{
"description": "telling my company that I will decline an assignment over child care",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my company that I will decline an assignment over child care?
|
Company offered a temp promotion for a 6 month assignment to another city in which we operate. I will bring my Wife and Son (1yr).
​
The company provides destination services whose intent is to make the employee 'whole'. For example, I keep my house in my Home location and they provide a furnished living accommodation in the Host location. I keep my car in my Home location and they provide a rental car in the Host location. Etc.
​
My wife was laid off from her company on return from maternity leave. She is currently looking for full-time employment, small contracts, and taking courses. The layoff happened after we secured our son a daycare spot. The market we are has massive waitlists and it is very difficult to get into one. Now that we are in, we cannot withdraw as we will not have a spot on return. Thus, we must pay for daycare for the period of the assignment.
​
The company acknowledges the daycare situation in our Home location and agreed to find daycare in the Host location. They cannot guarantee the timing of finding daycare; could be 1 week, 1 month, or more.
​
As my wife is not working, she can take care of our son between the assignment start and finding a daycare spot. This means she provides child care instead of looking for full-time employment, taking on small contracts, and taking courses.
​
I have said that during the period between assignment start and daycare start the company needs to pay for our daycare at home. When daycare is found, they will switch to paying the daycare in the Host location. The company believes this unreasonable and doesn't agree that we are suffering a loss during the interim period because financially we would be paying daycare anyway. From a financial perspective, this may be true, however this values my Wife's time a nothing. We believe there is a lost opportunity and potential loss of income from contract work if my Wife is taking care of our son. We believe that if we pay for full-time child care at home and then provide full-time child care in the Host location we are in effect, paying twice.
​
I have told the company that I will decline the assignment unless they agree to compensate the interim period and they're chuffed.
​
AITA?
​
TL;DR
Company offered 6 month assignment and temp promotion to another city
Currently pay full-time child care in Home location. Cannot stop paying for assignment.
Wife is recently laid off and searching for contracts and full-time employment.
Company will provide child care in Host location but can't guarantee when it will be available.
Company believes my wife can take care of child while we pay for child care at Home and this is not a loss.
We believe having to pay for child care at Home and provide child care in Host location is paying twice and Wife looses out on opportunity for contract work, searching full-time employment, and taking course.
​
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
1IpSs5fHFYsu7AcH4IjnxhZ0Cv0IEdhD
|
atkkd6
|
{
"description": "giving my friend edibles on top of her first LSD trip",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for giving my friend edibles on top of her first LSD trip
|
My roommate Erin and I decided to trip LSD together a few weekends ago. It was Erin's first time with LSD and my third. Our friends Morgan and Maddie joined us to babysit.
On a Saturday around 1pm Erin and I take the tabs and have a fun time wandering around. By about 9pm, the acid was wearing off and we all laid on the couches. Erin and I weren’t seeing any visuals anymore, but we both said we still could feel ‘shiney’ still, as in still felt remnants.
Morgan and Maddie were off in another room talking while Erin and I were on the couch. I ask Erin if she wants to smoke with me (to get a last little bump from the trip). She declined right away (she doesn’t like smoking). She then asked if I had any more edibles. I did, so I grabbed one for each of us and we chomped them down. ‘They’re gonna be mad’, Erin laughed. I laughed too and we joked about it being our secret.
The girls rejoin us and we keep watching TV. About an hour later Erin sits up and grabs my arm: ‘it just hit me’, she gasped.
‘What hit her? What’s going on?!’ The girls demand. We tell them we took edibles. They are unhappy with this choice.
Erin grabbed her head and told us she was getting paranoid. I get her some water. It doesn’t help; she’s in a bad place, spiraling out. I take her for a walk and sit with her by the kitchen table. She can hold a conversation and can follow what’s happening on TV, but it having a terrible time. I feel miserable about the whole thing- paranoia is terrible but it’s something you have to just wait out to feel better, so all I can do is sit with Erin and wait for it to pass.
Morgan and Maddie announce they’re going for a drive. I say okay. They leave.
After about 90 minutes of paranoia, Erin finally calms down but is really shaken up by the whole thing. We talk about it for a while until she is calm enough to joke a little about the night. We watch a little more tv then both go to bed.
Maddie and Morgan never came back. I snapped Maddie to ask where they were, and she replied that she had gone downtown and that Morgan went home. Morgan didn’t text or call at all.
The next morning, Morgan calls me and bitches me out for giving Erin drugs. She says it was stupid of me to give her an edible and that I was an asshole because I knew she was already on meds for a sinus infection paired with her first trip, that my carelessness put Erin in a ton of danger, that I didn’t care at all about Erin’s well being, that I’m a bad friend, that it's disrespectful of me to not ask or tell her or Maddie about the edibles until something bad happened. I think she's overreacting, she thinks I don't understand the severity of my actions.
I need some perspective: am I the asshole Morgan thinks I am?
TLDR; Erin and I drop acid together. 8 hours later, I give her an edible to boost the end of the trip. She gets super paranoid for 90mn. Our sober friend blames my thoughtlessness for endangering Erin and says I’m an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
tUCDpNqQo6eMOnEKCJj6k8k7VLzUZQu4
|
akurfi
|
{
"description": "not wanting to talk to my grandma",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to talk to my grandma?
|
I know it sounds a bit harsh, but I’ll try my best to explain the situation.
I currently live with my grandma (until I can get a place to live, which will be soon so I know I don’t have to deal with it much longer.) I’m a very introverted person and she’s very aware of this fact and has even said it several times herself. When I get home, all I want is to stay by myself in peace and quiet. After work/spending time with friends, I get worn out socializing. I’ve brought this up to her a few times, but nothing comes of it.
It wouldn’t be this hard to tolerate, but every time she tries to talk to me, it’s just irritating. Given the chance, she will jump into a political rant with views I don’t agree with (she also knows this.) Her views on politics, and life in general, are pretty far fetched and we’ve had many arguments in the past about these types of topics.
I’m not sure if I’m an asshole for wanting privacy and silence, as it’s a vital part to my mental health. Maybe I’m looking at this wrong, so I’m posting here to possibly get a different perspective on this. If I left out any details or if you have a question I’ll try my best to respond. Thanks!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ziPFYmmUm708CZZ00z36N9qvcAOTAWll
|
aed3e9
|
{
"description": "secluding myself from my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for secluding myself from my friend
|
Ok so, I have a “friend” whom I’ve known for about two years . We met at work and we then started to hang out , she would open up to me because me being a good friend , I would always listen to her . I’d stop what I was doing, answer her phone calls . I was always pretty much there for her.. if she didn’t want to be at home , I’d take her out and I always paid. It didn’t bother me , as long as she was happy that’s all I cared about . If she didn’t have gas money , I’d give her some ,that way she can get to and from work. I never asked for her to pay me back at all. Also , when I wanted to vent about something , she was never there.. fast forward a bit, she has a different job with better pay , and not once has she invited me out to do anything. I started to realize that she wasn’t a friend , she was just using me .. so I don’t reply to her messages anymore or calls. I mean is that ok, if I just ignore her ??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
yeI4j98o4Osqug0tmwTB1kOu7fLHMEkV
|
abuc6x
| null |
AITA if my GF all of a sudden wants an Open Relationship?
|
Am I the asshole if she has told me that she’s felt like she wasn’t enough for me in the past but now she wants to see other people? She says her intentions are purely for friendship and non-sexual whatsoever but I can’t help but feel like she just doesn’t know what she wants even though she says she wants to stay completely monogamous... I feel like it’s just to keep me faithful till she finds someone she wants to have sex with... and if it matters I’m opener to an open relationship and even maybe polyamory, just don’t understand the sudden shift in thinking
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qBglbTvcYM6hjqzNWkvsh1IUxrQfU9GG
|
a1wq8i
|
{
"description": "logging in to my Exs facebook account",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA For Logging In to My Exs Facebook Account?
|
This was a while ago but I will still omit details for anonymity.
From the title many of you would immediately answer yes, but now for the context.
I was with an on and off relationship with this person for about 2 years, I had previous relationships, never had trust issues with any of them. The girl in question had even told me on several occasions that I was the most trusting boyfriend she had ever had and that it was one of her favorite things about me. After about one month of dating she broke up with me and told me she wasnt ready for a relationship, about a few days later she was dating a man who she had told me was just a friend while we were dating, I had convinced myself with her help (reasons why she broke up with me) that I just wasn't being a good enough boyfriend. I went back to dating other people but remaining single. A few months later they had broken up and she came back to me telling me he was so awful etc and we gave it another shot. As you would imagine my friends and family were now very skeptical of her, I had to defend her to them saying how I wasn't very good to her etc. Anywho we end up dating for another 8 months and I suddenly was dumped again for weak reasons that seemed made up since she hadn't mentioned them before (turns out he had "leverage" over her), well what do you know another guy that was just a friend while we were dating is her new boyfriend a week later, I was able to win her back a week later (I feel pathetic writing this out I know). My friends and family of course saw her for who she was and hated her but yet again naive gaslighted me had to defend her. The relationship survived until we lived together for a period of time when I slowly realized how I had been played, idk it was some kind of slow forming epiphany. I even had a doctor appointment for experiencing weird health symptoms which the doctor suggested was a physical manifestation of psychological stress. I denied this but in retrospect he was a genius since the symptoms disappeared after I dumped her a few months later. In my heart I still loved her but my brain had had enough clearly, I was literally destroying myself inside. A week after dumping her I was on my laptop and noticed her chrome account was still logged into the browser, the entire past 2 years I had spent wondering whether my trust issues were just paranoia and if I was just another one of those crazy boyfriends but I could have the answers at my fingertips, I honestly couldn't resist. I know what you're thinking (the truth will only be more pain, dont do it) to which I would disagree with you because in retrospect I could know that it wasn't my fault, the truth set me free. I logged in and found proof of her cheating, not just on me, on her previous bf too, and that she was lying to the guy she was currently seeing about the fact she was also still sleeping with the guy she cheated on me with. The guy she cheated on me with told her about how he wished I knew about what they did together. Waves of rage overcame me, but the illusion had been shattered, I knew now what happened, that I wasn't crazy, and that the people in front of me were just truly despicable people, this was a guy that I shook hands with, that I let hang out with my gf because I was trusting. I screencapped everything, I wasn't going to let this happen to another dude. I sent the logs to the new guy she was seeing, explained who I was, and that was that, I wasn't interested in being with her again, maybe I wanted vengeance partially, but most of all if I could've had someone send me that and avoid the past 2 years of my life I would've given anything to have that. In the end I got a title XI complaint from the university and was scared shitless but I would still do it all over again, there was no contact following the sent pictures and a thank you from the guy. No one knows about it except the parties involved, sometimes I worry about what my friends and family would think so I guess I just want reddits opinion given the context AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
W1rgjUnO8cXF13PyrPjdx4RA6SY4nugi
|
arj2aq
|
{
"description": "not being able to control my emotions fully",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not being able to control my emotions fully?
|
So I'm in my early teens and have have trouble controlling my emotions, I have severe anger issues and have had them for as long as i can remember, Usually when i get angry I get really stressed out which causes me to apologize for being angry (a lot) which then ends with me breaking down and causing my anxiety and depression flaring up.
​
So one day me and my sister (we're twins by the way) were having an argument ( cant remember why, sorry) and when I get angry I mean like wanting to punch a hole thru something angry. To help with this one technique I have been using recently is to remove my self from the situation so as not to break any thing ( I have a history of breaking stuff ). So I leave the room where the argument was happening and sit in the living room. My anxiety then kicks up and I apologize a lot.
​
This makes my sister angry because she finds it annoying and calls me a baby for not being "normal" and able to control my emotions.
​
AITA because of my emotions?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
aimaa6
|
{
"description": "not finishing a sentence",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not finishing a sentence?
|
I was doing a group presentation in my class about a self created bissuness or service that would help the community.
Our idea was that the boys would do the presentation due to how loud we were and the girls would write our script because they offered it.
So we were answering the questions on the board about the presentation and why its useful, once we were done the girls did a great job writing our script! (What i thought).
Once the presentation started we would talk about it and answer the questions made by our teacher then the ones made by my classmates, one of the girls friends asked why arent the girls presenting, i quickly replied to get to the next question “Because they are the girls” and everyone shouted “OH” and looked at me with an odd look.
I didnt get to finish my explanation out of embarrasment, my full explanation was “Because they are the girls - Who did our script” but they reacted to quickly now they think im an asshole.
Im being made fun of my my groupchat being called a sexist, and i dont want to confront them since im embarrased.
TLDR; My class presentation was messed up because i didnt get to finish an explanation now they all think im sexist.
(Had to explain it here shorter because its getting pretty late.)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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|
axzn7o
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{
"description": "thinking a classmate was a special education student because of an accent",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITAH For thinking a classmate was a special education student because of an accent??
|
So here's a rather short story compared to others here. There's a girl I go to highschool with I always just assumed she was one of the special education students cause (I thought) she had a really noticable speech impediment as well as the fact that I always hangs out with some of the other special Ed students at lunch and I've only ever had her in my open classes (open is the identifier for courses that meant to be passable by anyone. The classification is mostly used for art and religion courses). So today she had a presentation in our religion class it was a break down of a song any way she chose a song that wasn't English and at the beginning of the presentation somebody asked what language it was and she said she didn't know but that it wasn't English and wasn't German. I thought it was weird that she mentioned German and then it all made sense. It's not a speech impediment it's a German accent (confirmed by actually paying attention and Listening to the presentation. Previous to this I had only ever heard her respond to questions with just a word or two, I had never actually heard her really speak a lot) I mean this doesn't prove or disprove my the possibility of being a special Ed student (not that it really matters). I guess the real question is am I an asshole for mistaking an accent for a speech impediment?
Ps. I never acted, treated or thought any differently about this person based on my assumption
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
aWFIfMgRmoqn0rlEfwYIkLcebmXeyizv
|
b1set7
|
{
"description": "blasting a loud alarm noise to get the cashier's attention",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for blasting a loud alarm noise to get the cashier's attention?
|
So there's this little pizza place right next to my apartment. The food is quality, it's cheap, and has great hours open until 3am. Except one catch - the service.
Nearly every time I go in there, even at normal times, the cashier counter is completely deserted. Everyone's in the back hanging out or whatever, when they aren't even busy (it's often empty). Sometimes I have to wait as long as 20-30 minutes (yes) for a person to show up, not kidding... unless I yell loud enough to get their attention. Or bang on the counter, shake the tip jar... anything that'll make noise. They used to have a bell but they got rid of it, replaced it with a "camera" though it seems useless if they never pay attention to it. It's basically just a waiting game for them to come out of hiding and socializing in the back.
Luckily the other factors haven't stopped me from giving them business, but I was getting kinda aggravated having to deal with the above every single time. So I had a great idea - pulling out my phone, I searched "loud alarm noise" on youtube, found a great 10 minute loop of something, played it on full volume blast.
That did the trick and summoned them, they didn't seem all that peeved by it. Have repeated this a couple other times, works like a charm.
But... I feel kinda bad, AITA for it though?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
RtFOXJEs1rEnoGiDNI9t6XKA6gPpBy5P
|
b3hcas
|
{
"description": "using lethal mouse traps",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for using lethal mouse traps?
|
Gf and I live in kind of slummy type building. It’s not ideal, but it’s what we can afford for now. There’s there’s holes where the heating system is that the pipes go down. We’ve both seen mice come up through these holes. I’ve tried filling them in with cloth to no avail, they just keep getting in.
I use typical mouse traps and poison. My gf is a big animal lover and thinks it’s cruel. She wants me to use non lethal and release them outside. Besides the fact that I don’t want to handle live mice, I think releasing them outside is pointless as they’ll just come back inside.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 14,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
aeeiusGFeX2PagHAWDinWtBSFyQznXBH
|
a6m2y8
|
{
"description": "not realizing she was asleep",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not realizing she was asleep
|
It as late at night and me and my FWB were cuddling. At this point we had been regularly sleeping together for at least 6 months, often late in the night. Normally when we get to it, there is no mention of consent, but as I noticed she seemed to be particularly sleepy at this point I decided to ask before I made any moves. I asked if I could remove her underwear as well as give her oral, both of which she said yes to sleepily. I did not think much of it at the time but I noticed after a few minutes that her breathing had changed and thought she might be asleep so I stopped and asked her if I should stop altogether. Instantly she begins tearing up, saying that I had just sexually assaulted her. I was gutted, as hurting her is the last thing I would want to do. I was under the impression that everything had been consensual. The night took a turn for the worst. I went home and saw later in the week that she had posted "me too", so it is clear she still considers the incident to be assault. I have since apologized and been forgiven. It has been probably a year at this point since the incident and it has not really been mentioned at all. In addition we still regularly sleep together.
I have to know however, was I in the wrong for not recognizing how tired she was, and if so was this sexual assault? What is the point in asking for consent if consent does not mean consent? It might be important to know there was no alcohol involved. This has been bugging me ever since.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
eptoiZJKO1FAx3ZpG4DfuH2K1s05jOx4
|
av2hc0
|
{
"description": "throwing the broccoli at him",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for throwing the broccoli at him
|
So I've started a new school two weeks ago and I've had it pretty great , everyone has been friendly and I have made friends superfast , today I sat down with a group of guys during lunch and just had a regular chat with them , we were making jokes and kinda loud , one of the guys after finishing his food washed his hands and took some napkins and dried his hands and his mouth , after this he thinks it's quite funny to take those dirty napkins and throw it into my food and milk , the first time I just let bygones be bygones and said to him to stop and put my milk aside, he does it again this time on my food which I was almost finished with and on purpose waiting on a reaction from me , I just let it be since there was a teacher sitting with us since the entire place , third time he does it ......... I took a large broccoli out of my plate and threw it at his shirt he gets angry quite fast and it suddenly not as funny when something is done to him . And then the guys who i was sitting with seemingly give me that's not cool look but didn't give a shit when he was bothering me , I tried to say sorry but it's your own damn fault , but when he was cleaning off the sauce that was accompanying the broccoli these guys were like get the hell out of here and we're physically pushing me to leave . After that I just left , I honestly don't feel guilty at all about what I did. For anyone wondering these aren't the cool kid/bully friend group but just dickheads . ( These guys were honestly nice at the beginning asking me to sit with them and etc but thank you for showing me who you really are)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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{
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}
|
WRONG
|
U9yQykMlDj8YNQ575LpWC4XJ45DZwNAe
|
axf23z
|
{
"description": "forcing my brother to cook dinner",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for forcing my brother to cook dinner
|
I am 15 and my brother is 13. We got into an argument about how I force him to cook for the other 2 younger silblings in my family, because he had to do his science fair and stay awake longer. I was busy too with going to sports practice and my academics, so while i was doing some homework and getting ready to leave for practice he goes to cook food. Usually my mom cooks but she comes home very late. So i take over and if i dont have time I tell him. So AITA for forcing him to cook?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
rdUouMog7C0o8SxsLIZgovBZdRgF0o9y
|
aawlqw
|
{
"description": "being unhappy at my parents for my new living arrangements",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For being unhappy at my parents for my new living arrangements?
|
So recently my boyfriend (soon to be husband) and I moved away from each other to save money to get married and be closer to our places of work. This involved me moving back in with my parents and younger siblings. I pay my parents rent for my room in exchange for letting me move back in with them.
I haven't lived there for 7 years and it feels hard for me (I moved out very young). My mom is something of a 'helicopter parent' and I don't get a lot of personal space. E.g. If she wants me to eat something but i don't want to, she won't leave me alone about it until I physically leave the house (otherwise she will follow me around). It's the same with a lot of other things (if I sit down or start doing something in a certain place where she doesn't want me to, if I suggest a lifestyle change I want to make and she doesn't want me to) I can't take time to myself in my room because she will let herself in. Locking myself in the bathroom doesn't work because she just knocks on the door and will talk to me through the door. My dad isn't often around and isn't bothered so much by her behaviour. She tries to make me do unreasonable things if she feels like that's the solution for a 'problem' which 9 times out of 10 isn't a problem and rather her getting caught up in her thoughts.
I am mentally exhausted because my mom has no filter and is controlling to a degree. It's one of the reasons I left in the first place. She cares about me however she's not interested in me as a person which is the sticking point. I don't expect her to be, but the conversation is always so one sided because the moment I bring up something I am interested in while she is talking at me, she changes the subject again without acknowledging it.
The reason I am explaining this is to give some backstory on something that has been happening in the past 8 weeks. There are squirrels in the loft - getting in and nesting right above where I sleep. It means that I cannot get to sleep until 3/4am when I have to be up at 6am and it started to make me unwell. I hear them scuttling and knowing at the beams, ripping up the insulation and recently the ceiling started crumbling so I started taking my blanket and sleeping in the spare room (used for storage) to try and rest because I was only getting about 3 hours sleep.
Here's what happened afterwards. I have told my parents several times that the squirrels are going to seriously damage the attic and I can hear them ripping the insulation but they just ignore me and will only validate it when they hear it themselves:
- I got kicked out the spare room because one of my siblings had a guest, so I started sleeping at my boyfriend's house from time to time which is an hours drive away, and staying with friends where I can. Also on my parents sofa.
- My mom has now said I may stay in the storage room but only for sleeping. I am not allowed to put my belongings in there.
- As I am not sleeping in my room until the squirrels are dealt with, my sister has now agreed with my mom that she can have my mattress (because she wants to put a double bed in her own room) leaving me no option to stay in the storage room for sleeping only for the forseeable.
- Removing my ability to sleep in my own room means that they can prolong getting the squirrels dealt with (my mom initially didn't want to disturb them in case they had babies). I'm terrified the ceiling will eventually fall down and cost them a lot of money.
I'm getting more and more upset with my situation and I feel so displaced, probably because I'm tired. I know this isn't my home anyway, but I don't have a choice but to live here while I pay off my debts unless I spend more money moving into a room on my own. I have offered to get pest control in myself but my mom doesn't want me to do that.
Tl;Dr moved back in with parents, paying rent for a room I can't use because of a pest problem. They've now taken my mattress from that room, removing my ability to sleep in that room completely. AITA for being upset and angry at my parents?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b5irm6
|
{
"description": "being upset with my boyfriend for behaving in ways I don't think are appropriate around my 3-year-old son",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset with my boyfriend for behaving in ways I don't think are appropriate around my 3-year-old son?
|
Scenario I'm referring to:
All three of us were in the kitchen while I was making dinner, and my bf took a plastic bag and put it over his(own) head, and proceeded to pretend he couldn't breathe. My son thought it was hilarious. I took a moment to explain to my child that this is something you should NEVER do, etc., then sent him upstairs to play. I said to my bf that I didn't appreciate that, and he should know it, and said he needed to have more regard for what he does around such an impressionable mind. He became incredulous and stated that he doesn't do inappropriate things in front of the child, so I mentioned his little jokes that aren't age-appropriate and his cursing. He stated that he thinks it doesn't matter if you drop gratuitous f-bombs around a child, as long as you teach them that it isn't okay to repeat them. I just want to avoid to headache until he's older and will understand social boundaries better. This ended with "I'm going to curse in front of him, whether you like it or not." I'm, like, stupid mad. Does that make me an asshole?
Background: I have been with this man for all but 6 months of my son's life. We have plans to get married. He's great at teaching my son things, and very calm and level-headed with him. His sense of humor is inappropriate for a child, in my opinion, but he's a good person.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
eJE5I166DtKorSCwMrNWb8Nzmr5rqjt1
|
b9ator
|
{
"description": "not wanting other people to stay in my roommates room whilst she's on holidays",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not wanting other people to stay in my roommates room whilst she’s on holidays
|
We share a 2 bedroom flat. So my housemate is going on holidays for 2 weeks. She wants to let her friend who is a couple (they are also travelling) to stay in her room for that duration. I like being alone and not socialising when I’m home. I don’t really know them and I feel extremely uncomfortable living with strangers (albeit they are her friends). Should I just be a nice guy and feel weird in my own home during that time or am I the asshole for even feeling this way. Thanks
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
rOwXobdzWW3PSDkCrKK8DmQcpdUh86eZ
|
9vmg33
|
{
"description": "being upset that my friend browses Reddit and doesn't talk when we get lunch",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset that my friend browses Reddit and doesn’t talk when we get lunch?
|
During our free period my friend and I go get pizza. Yet all he does is browse reddit and chuckle to himself every five minutes. I try to start a conversation but all he does is say “Yeah” or “I don’t know.” It’s annoying as hell and I wish he could converse like a normal human being.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
SqCCmddJVMBviAzbR8zzLXFUAAc5KshW
|
b5debg
|
{
"description": "skipping my sister-in-laws fathers funeral",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for skipping my sister-in-laws fathers funeral?
|
Long Story, here are the highlights:
My brother and I don't see eye to eye on much and have nothing in common. On Christmas day we had a big fight and I asked them to leave my home. My sister-in-law went online and posted all sorts of trash about me, even though the fight was between my brother and myself and I reached out to her to apologize as soon as they left. They are in their early forties and recently moved out of my parents front bedroom after 6 months "between apartments". They constantly take advantage of my parents, and at one point the two of them ganged up on my mother and yelled at her for taking my side regarding the Christmas fight. I decided on Christmas that they would no longer be welcome in my home, but after seeing how they behaved and other things they have done I have decided to cut them out of my life completely.
I am now getting a lot of guilt from my mother to show her some kindness, because her father passed away due to his own actions last week. I feel bad for her, and I know my mother is really hurting about the way my brother and I are towards each other, but I just can't seem to get past the way they treated me and my family on Christmas, or all the times they have taken advantage of my parents.
So, am I the asshole for skipping my sister-in-laws fathers funereal?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
ybCwCQwnC0SxlF4TznW3MAizvn1xWLiN
|
a4fpfe
|
{
"description": "not tipping my waitress",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not tipping my waitress?
|
Today I went to a restuarant I love and used to be there every day (long ago my mom worked there as a waitress for like 15years) I always tip 20% or more, tips kept food on my plate as a child and a roof over my head. I'm an adult now and know how important tips are in our service industy. That being said, when I arrived at the restuarant I ordered a tea as a beverage. I received the tea by a nice woman around my age, thinking all is well I began to drink my tea. That's when I noticed there was food in my glass (a small piece of lettuce, I hadn't even ordered food yet) I immediately felt sick, but I really wanted this places food, so I showed it to the waitress who apologized and gave me a new glass. I inspected all of the dishware I received after that. After eating and receiving the bill, I saw that I was being charged for the drink. I dont like confrontation so I just paid and left a note on the receipt that said "Dont serve a customer a drink with someone elses food and then charge me for it!" with a 0 on the tip line. Am I the asshole for stiffing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
WRONG
|
79MfFGeV0P9Zu78L59Mc4RJcsKTpDFWY
|
b5at6l
|
{
"description": "actively trying to get my professor fired",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for actively trying to get my professor fired?
|
So, I am a music student at a public university. The past two years we have had a visiting professor for the instrument I play. In this time, he has threatened to fail multiple people for mundane reasons, encourages hazing of "lazy" students (also known as students with jobs), and has told students they should leave and never come back if they have to have a job and not commit to the instrument.
The final straw was earlier this semester, when he told all of his students minus the few he was targeting to isolate the rest of us. He said we were unethical in our practice sessions, a bad influence to the studio, and shouldn't be there. The funny thing is, this worked. Out of the 21 people on the instrument, 6 of us (including myself) were completely ignored except when we were being harassed to quit.
I'm a senior, and so are two others. One of the other 3 are dropping out after this semester because of this. The other two are trying to stick through it, but one of them is a freshman and her mental health is taking a decline. She is being treated the worst; these other students have been cornering her and telling her she's worthless, and no one likes her, and she should quit. Basically your typical high school bullying, except the teacher told them to do this and we're all adults.
There is currently a search for a permanent position, and this professor is a finalist. In retaliation, I and everyone else being harassed wrote formal letters describing everything that has happened to us. We have also spoken to multiple people on the hiring committee and the dean of the music building. I took it one step further and went outside of the school of music to talk to the dean of students, who specifically deals with students' well beings.
I don't think this teacher is coming back. The reason why I'm wondering if ITA is because if this professor leaves, a lot of students are leaving as well, which hurts the school. The harassment may also get worse if they know it's my fault that he isn't coming back.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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wCu73AvU7OOaErP2j16dH50luQOPshjT
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awwwg4
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{
"description": "getting my SIL's dog high",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting my SIL's dog high?
|
Alright guys here's the context: I'm (25f) spending the weekend at my BF's (28) house, and with BF's permission, I brought a puppy that I've been fostering along with me for socialization purposes. BF has 2 dogs at his house, one of the dog is an untrained 1yo pinscher who belongs to his sister (32) and the other is a well trained 9yo poodle who belongs to his roommate (28f).
I live in a state that allows recreational marijuana usage and brought a 500mg edible with me for the evening time to help me sleep. It was wrapped up in it's wrapper, in a closed bag, inside my duffle bag, which was zipped up and sitting on top of the highest point in bf's room. The only dog allowed in bf's room is my puppy, due to the fact that's she's potty pad trained and the other ones are not and have a history of pooping and peeing on his carpet in his room.
Friday no issues.
Saturday evening BF and I want to go out for a date so we ask roommate if she would be okay with watching the puppy while we went out from 8-10:30pm. She agreed happily and said it would be no issue so I got puppy's food/water/supplies out and closed the doors to all the vacant rooms (bf's bedroom, bathroom, etc). When we left the house BF's sister was home and had her dog inside the house, puppy and the pinscher we're playing nicely in the living room. No calls through the date, we assume all is good. When we arrive home, puppy is in good spirits, no mess in the living room, and roommate says all was good. Within a few minutes of being home we notice BF's sister's dog lying on the other couch drooling excessively and isn't responding to us calling her. Normally this is a really excitable, responsive dog so we know something is wrong within 5 minutes. We see that there are bits of a bitten up styrofoam plate under the dog and in her mouth. This dog has a well documented history of pulling trash out the trashcan and eating it so we think the dog ate a plate and can't process it.
BF's sister had gone to work while we were out and didn't put her dog out in the yard or ask roommate to watch it, so we call sister because it's her dog and we want to know what she wants us to do (vet bills can be expensive). Well, sister panics and doesn't know what to do so she calls BF's mom to come fix it. It's 11pm BFs mom drags her hubby & 2 12-14yo sons over to pick up the dog and take it to the vet (which we could've done but sister didn't tell us to because she was panicking so bad). We get an update from bf's mom an hour later saying she has a lot of thc in her system and she's farting and burping a lot. BF immediately goes to his room and sees that my duffle bag is ripped/chewed through, my belongings are chewed on and spread everywhere and the wrapper for the edible is on the bed with bitemarks all through it. It's clear what happened.
So sisters dog is home from the vet, she got a major high going on, but other than that the vet said she is fine. BF's mom and sister are pissed at me and bf. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b8e0sc
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{
"description": "asking my sister to pay for half of a hotel room",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my sister to pay for half of a hotel room?
|
My sister (28F) and I (27F) are going to a family wedding this summer. Since the wedding isn't in the city I live in, I booked a room for the night before the wedding in the nice hotel where most of our friends and family are also staying. My sister did not as she actually lives in the city where the wedding is taking place.
My sister has now asked to share my hotel room with me, which I said was fine as long as we split the bill. She disagreed however, and claimed I should still foot the entire bill myself since I was already planning on staying there anyway. She also made a point that I earn more money than her and can easily afford the hotel room myself, while she can't afford the room or even half of it. I stood my ground and said she would still need to pay her share, to which she said I was being a bitch.
AITA for expecting the bill to be split 50/50 despite our different financial situations?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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AGml6uAdiU2KKvxQBoAoB1Wi1L5dnydi
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b9x9lz
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{
"description": "backing out of volunteering",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I backed out of volunteering?
|
So there’s an event that’s being put on by an organization I work with. Last week on Friday of the members of said organization asked if I was going, and I made a comment about not really being able to afford it. She then suggested I volunteer, which would grant me entry to the event for free. I know at least one of the volunteers and it’s for a good cause, so I said I would be interested, but needed more information (like details on times, roles available, etc). She sent out an email that same day to the volunteer organizer and cc’d me on it saying I was interested. I did not receive anything further and assumed they were full up. Coincidentally a friend is also having her birthday party on the same day, so I figured it all worked out for the best since now I could attend.
The event is tomorrow. Today, towards the end of my shift, the same woman I’d originally talked to asked if I would be there. I said I never got a response. As she was leaving out the door she said she would email him- I told her not to bother since it was so last minute, but she was literally walking away from me and I don’t think she heard me. I was about to go home when I got an email for the event organizer. He apologized for the delay, and then said they still needed volunteers so he’d gone ahead and signed me up. He then said we could chat further about what role I would like to volunteer in.
Again, the event is literally tomorrow. I get that they need help, and I was willing to volunteer in the first place. But now I have other plans, and I don’t really want to cancel them. I was also a little taken aback that he just assumed I would still be interested and available, and just signed me up without asking. It’s a great event and I don’t want to be rude or leave the in a lurch, but I don’t feel like I was treated very respectfully. I’m honestly considering replying and saying that I won’t be able to go, and to please remove me from the list. Does choosing my friend’s birthday over volunteer work make me an asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
iYUxZ9KRabWd6FiOIImJ8a6YLoWUGIPm
|
aytzju
|
{
"description": "wanting to dump my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to dump my boyfriend?
|
We've been dating since September. I know I'm not in love with him or anything, and that this isn't forever, but we live and work at the same place and quite honestly the dating pool is not expansive.
​
We're very casual, dinner dates like every two weeks, I go crash at his place and watch movies there, he makes dinner sometimes, we drive the 90 minutes to the nearest town to go bowling or see a movie or go grocery shopping. Sometimes I'll go a week without seeing him since it can get super busy and we're both just too tired after work.
​
We also haven't had sex or any form of it. The furthest we've gone is making out (one time) and I'll let him grab my butt or breast or whatever. I'm not a very physical person and I just am not interested in sexual contact with anyone. I've been over this with him and was straight and said I'm only having sex when I am good and ready, and that's not going to be for a while.
​
Well, the other day I realize I haven't seen him in a while so I text him saying, let's go to the pool after you get off! He agrees, I get showered, get in a swimsuit and put clothes over it, and find him. He changes the plan and we go to another coworker's place, where he's already been hanging out at for a while before coming to get me. We're there for two hours, he's been drinking the whole time and likely an hour or so before that. So he is pretty drunk.
​
After we leave the coworker's place, we go to his room to crash for the night. I get out of my swimsuit and back into normal clothes. Didn't wear underwear under my sweatpants.
​
We go to sleep and I wake up to his hand down my pants and his finger in my labia. I immediately rolled over and went under the covers; he didn't wake up. I had to get up at 5:30 for work and I just left, haven't really seen him.
​
I feel like I'm probably overreacting and he was likely drunk. But I'm also concerned maybe it would escalate in the future? My mom would tell me I'm being a prude, so would my friends. But I just am not comfortable with anyone touching me like that and he should know it, drunk or not.
​
I just don't know and I need opinions.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ldbTczWYJDKjnzSbOdPJ2x74bys7Ko7K
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ajtdxz
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{
"description": "telling my friend/ra to stop talking about their weight/body image issues around me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if i tell my friend/RA to stop talking about their weight/body image issues around me
|
As title implys I'm a college kid living on campus. I'm a third year so I've had my fair share of RAs who either dont care or care too much. This is my first RA that i get along with really well, we knew each other beforehand as well.
Recently I have been having some issues with them not being an RA to our housemates. We live in a apartment and have 5 housemates, on top of everything we live in trans-inclusive housing, so issues of body image/gender disphoria/euphoria are topics that come up. My RA has recently started working out with the new year. And counting calories. And grabbing their stomach. And constantly talking about how fat they are.
Problem is, I'm the "fattest" one in the apartment. Weight wise I am by far the biggest one in the apartment and everyone else is thin without trying, and my RA could be chubby but that would be pushing it. Now, i understand that everyone is allowed to have their own issues, and my RA is just trying to get support. They have a history with eating disorders and so they get plenty of it because most of our personal apartment has some sort of mental health disorder - including me. And they arent mean, they never comment on my weight, even compliment me on my body. But they comment negatively on their body at least 3 times daily and are constantly talking about their eating habits. If i enter a conversation with them its a 9/10 chance that their weight tranier, eating habits, or weight gain will be brought up.
I was never planning on saying anything, but last night i had a dream. And in this dream my size became the focus point. I kept gaining weight and people would say i look fine but then say how big they are and i had to sit by and look the way i did and compliment them. Its starting to affect how i view my body. I used to care very little and just worry about if im being healthy over my size. But now i worry about how much fat i can grab, ive stopped eating due to stress. I need to no longer be in this environment.
WIBTA if i ask them to stop? I would also need to talk to their boss because i live with the RA so any issues that i dont feel comfortable talking with a housemate about would normally call for an RA but if its an issue with a housemate that is my RA would call their boss in.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
shotE6n1qXjD9pvLvdzWbgY3c4VwZGcH
|
atpihe
|
{
"description": "telling my roommate I planned to get a cat",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my roommate I planned to get a cat?
|
i was college roommates with my best friend of 10 years. her parents bought a townhouse where her and i lived. there was no official lease but i paid rent monthly.
my roommate knew i loved and wanted a cat but i never bothered pursuing it. one day she tells me she’s scheduled a day to adopt a cat. i was taken aback because she said it like it was a set decision made before consulting me. i even asked her if i was allowed to come along. she then said yes and that she wanted the cat to be OUR cat, but she was planning to not tell her parents because she was pretty sure they wouldn’t allow it.
when we go to pick out a cat it becomes obvious to me that although she said it’d be our cat (meaning i help pay for it) she wasn’t willing to compromise or take my input into consideration. we ended up not picking a cat that day because of this so i thought it was just TBD.
about a week later she tells me she went back to SIGN PAPERS to officially adopt the cat she wanted WITHOUT consulting me. she then said that she realized she really didn’t have the money or time for a cat and didn’t wanna go against her parents in the end so she didn’t go through with it. i understood but i viewed this as an open door to bring up me getting a cat because i did have the money and time (i’d been researching getting a prescription for an ESA well before this as i was dealing with some mental health issues) i asked her if she thought that if i spoke to her parents about getting one they’d be receptive.
she said “i don’t know, that’s between you and them and i think you should approach that on a landlord/tenant basis.”
i said “oh okay, i’ve been researching getting an ESA and they’re legally granted housing so technically as landlords they couldn’t keep me from having one.”
i regret this now as i see how it could have come off harsh (not at all how i meant it). even if i approached getting the cat through an ESA i would have still made sure they were okay with it and if they weren’t then i wouldn’t have gotten one.
after that convo she gave me the silent treatment and after weeks of being confused and not being able to take the silence i text her asking if she’s upset with me.
she said “tbh i was just really disappointed and hurt with the decision you made regarding the cat situation knowing that it would cause a rift with my parents and with me”
i saw the whole thing as a miscommunication so i asked her if we could talk about it the next day. we never got to that as the next morning her mom called mine saying they “sold the townhouse” and i need to be out in the next 2 months. everyone i know agreed that this was probably a lie to just kick me out. although i had no family, car or money at the time (which she knew) i moved out within two weeks and she treated me like shit the whole time. this was a year ago and we haven’t talked since.
i want to know cause i’m still confused to this day, was i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
1LueCTkfob1BR5TCXjqOLMEZ3H4xGo1r
|
akto8m
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give my 9 year old Adderall",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give my 9 year old Adderall
|
So my 9 year old son has been diagnosed with ADHD since he started Kindergarten. His energy is definitely off the charts, but I think a lot of it is just that he is a little boy. They are supposed to be high energy after all. Anyway, of course the answer to this from the Dr is to give him meds, Adderall to be specific. In case you aren't aware the meds for ADD/ADHD are methamphetamines. I have always had a huge problem with giving him these meds, but apparently I'm the asshole for fighting the doctor and wife all along the way to the point where I finally just give in and give him his meds every morning.
​
Now, I will admit that it has helped him with focusing in school, but not so much any more. So what is the first thing my wife and doctor says? You guessed it, more meds! So I have put my foot down and let her and the doctor know and document that I am very against medicating him. I told my wife that I find it sort of disturbing how OK she is for wanting to keep giving him these meds. What do you guys think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
We0UYbXkENf0s7WAWaebutDdad2QnqhC
|
anedwb
|
{
"description": "asking about a gender to a friend",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For asking about a gender to a friend?
|
I was at a basketball tournament a week ago, and after our team was done playing, we went ahead and sat down in the rafters to watch the game with my teammates and friends. While watching, I noticed a feminine looking player on the bench, and because, i wanted to know if a girl could make a basketball team, i asked my friend: “Yo, is that person over there a girl?” And, as soon as i say this the girl in front of me turns
around and says “This is 2019. You can’t just be assuming genders like that, it’s really disrespectful and rude.” At first, i thought she was joking so I chuckled. But then, she asked “What are you laughing at? Gender equality isn’t a joke. And besides, if she was a girl, she’d probably be better then you.” At this point, I just went quiet because I didn’t really want to waste my mental energy arguing with a person that I don’t know how I’m not sexist.
Also, the person next to her turned around and said “Sorry about her, she’s just really passionate about this kind of stuff.”
With all that, Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Jete4nQwKuIPImwGtNSyOQVGRukPTmpm
|
b5vj20
|
{
"description": "wanting my roommate to pay for my sideview mirror",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for wanting my (23F) roommate (30M) to pay for my sideview mirror?
|
Hear me out, it's morally complicated.
​
I was VERY ill and hospitalized on Sunday. Still ill on Monday. I asked him to move my car (due to parking restrictions) to a **very specific spot,** because we live in a terrible neighborhood and I was unwell enough to do so on my own. He did move my car, and he has been taking great care of me and I am so thankful for him.
​
However, he completely disregarded every part of my request ("do not look for parking in x,y,z it won't be there" - he did and didn't find any, got stressed), "just park it like 25 feet from its original place" - he totally disregarded the request, put it in an awful spot, and now my sideview mirror is smashed. Crackheads like to smash things, fyi.
​
I am super poor, working 2 jobs with no benefits, high rent, and in a tough financial position due to my recent week-long illness. He is not "well-off" but lives comfortably. I appreciate his kindness so much and I know it came from a good place, moving my car in the first place. WIBTA if I asked him to pay... what's the right thing to do, reddit? Just googling, I figure it may be $300? Should we split the cost?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
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|
a72nqj
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for a room my band can practice in",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for a room my band can practice in?
|
So I really enjoy being in the band I'm in. We're not famous at all or earn any money by any means. We usually perform for the fun of it and to get our name out there. It's just a good time, really.
Anyway.. we sorta have a schedule for when we practice and we all used to follow it. But for a few months now a member has been suspiciously sick everytime we are supposed to practice. It has now been over a month since we practiced last. And I'm slowly but steadily getting more and more annoyed by the fact that we pay for a room to practice in, but don't use.
I have no problem paying if we use it regularly, like we used to, but I don't want to waste money on something I don't use. I simply can't afford to do that.
WIBTA for simply refusing to pay next time rent is due unless we start practicing regularly again?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
hJ7sI1Xdgs2EVOdh0zxZpY4nESUY18cP
|
aygm3s
|
{
"description": "abandoning my family",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for abandoning my family?
|
This is gonna be a long one. (Mobile)
(Some things will be intentionally vague to make it impossible to figure out who this is)
My mom, little sister and I emigrated to the United States from a third world country in 2011. My mother left everything. Her job, all her possessions, her family, and her husband. My little sister was diagnosed with a serious medical condition when she was 6, and we couldn’t get her proper medical care where we were, so that’s why my mom decided to leave (among other reasons, but that was the main one.)
My mother is incredibly religious. I was outed to her as gay when I was 13, and she was expectedly furious. She isolated me from all of my friends and took away all my social media/electronics. She’s made me meet with countless priests in hopes of “curing” me, and she took me to a convent because she thought I was possessed by a gay demon.
My situation has gotten better over the years and she’s treating me better, although it’s only because she’s in denial, and anytime my sexuality is brought up her mood is instantly turned, and she often cries. I know there’s nothing wrong with my sexuality, but my mom is heartbroken.
I’ve dreamt about moving out for years. I’m in a healthy relationship with someone in a similar situation, and we’ve both agreed after we have stable jobs and started our careers, we would move out together. Our families will completely disown us and never talk to us again, so we have to make sure we can support ourselves and each other.
Despite her faults, my mom has sacrificed everything for me and my sister. She’s been working multiple jobs just to be able to support me and my sister, and she would literally take clothes off her own back for either one of us. Me and my sister are the only people my mom has in the world, and I feel like me leaving would be a complete and utter betrayal, she will be devastate and I’m afraid she might even have a heart attack or some other illness because of it.
Am I the asshole for wanting to leave my mom and my sister?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
SxGAUn0H84Y8bYl6HbLGMH0Vj4kbQICP
|
ala8sb
|
{
"description": "being reluctant to eat dinner with an older man because of pedophile stereotypes",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being reluctant to eat dinner with an older man because of pedophile stereotypes?
|
A while ago, I, an 18yo male, decided to sit on a bus next to an older man anywhere from 70-80 years old looking. He first said hello to me, and then I said hello back and asked him about the book he was reading. We hit it off, and it was a lengthy bus ride. We shared life stories and such. We got off at the same stop because he happened to live on the beach where I was going to swim. After departing, he asked for my number, and said he'd like to grab a beer with me sometime. I gave him my number in the spur of the moment.
He texted me today, and asked me if I'd like to get a meal with him sometime. I honestly think that this could just be a good friendship, but I feel weird about it. He's a single man, who doesn't have a family or wife, who used to be a high school teacher. I looked him up in the local sex offender catalogue and he wasn't there thankfully.
I feel like an asshole for being so suspicious of him. Some part of me thinks I'm right to be so cautious and assume the worst, but another part of me thinks I'm a shitty person for giving into the old pedo guy stereotype.
I'm not sure if I should go for dinner with him. My friends would think I'm weird for hanging out with an older guy (I usually talk to most older people I meet on the bus), so I don't want to ask a friend to go with me. I'll be careful about my drink, and make sure it's not left out of my supervision. Am I an asshole for being so cautious?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
EYNGfYukNwCOFha8DfhbMoOhchteYHMd
|
a7fkaz
|
{
"description": "not wanting to talk with my sister anymore",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to talk with my sister anymore?
|
I have an older sister that was **very** mean and discouraging when we were younger, she'd call me a retard and stuff constantly and to make it worse at the time I was "that" kid everybody hated in school so I was bullied a lot.
Now so far there's not been anything too unusual, I mean brothers and sisters getting on each others nerves happens all the time and is not really a big deal, the critical difference in my perception is that she didn't team up with me against the others in my class, she teamed up with **them** making the experience *much* worse *on top* of doing her best to put me down at any opportunity (Yeah, I'm still pissed about all this). I never managed to see a psychologist about this but I'm convinced I was depressed at the time because of this (I won't go on why I believe that, this post is long enough as it is, suffice to say I had to teal with suicidal thoughts and other stuff for a good chunk of my childhood, entire adolescence and the first couple years as an adult).
So when I was 15 I finally snapped and shouted that I never wanted to talk to her again and did my best to have as little contact with her as possible, which at the time was great for my mental health (on top of graduating shortly after and leaving the toxic environment that my school was for me and the luck that my sister seemed to take my distance from her as a challenge).
Now the reason I'm posting this is because after we became adults (we're in our late 20's now) I noticed my sister seems to regret what she did and since our early 20's has tried to be the sister she never were, she smiles and hugs me on family events (the only moments we're together as we don't live in the same house anymore) buys nice christmas and birthday presents every year (she has a very good salary), asks our parents how I'm doing since she knows asking me directly wouldn't work, wants to see movies and TV shows with we during said family get-togethers and so on.
So now with christmas closing in my parents have been making pressure for me to just forget how she was in the past and stop killing the good mood with my long face and constantly keeping her at arm's length, to top it off my sister's boyfriend is a great guy and I worry a lot about me being an asshole to him since I mostly have to keep him at arm's length as well since he and my sister are together all the time for obvious reasons.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
M8KTR5KZDLTQgIlAUh0dSLVkZ7ksva1y
|
b5ztpk
|
{
"description": "not wanting to \"pay my turn\" when Ive already paid for god knows how much",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to "pay my turn" when ive already paid for god knows how much?
|
Didn't really know how else to word it. A while ago, my roommate quit his job and was unemployed for months. During that time, I picked up all of our shared finances save for rent which included house necessities, take out, snacks, groceries and etc. I only make about $8.70 an hour and the majority of my checks were about $200 weekly, so I didn't mind too much since he was unemployed and I had some disposable income at the time. Even before he was unemployed though, I was the main one who was funding our outings but didn't mind.
Fast forward to now, I'm a bit in debt due to unrelated reasons (car, school, spending some money I thought I had but didnt and regretting it), but he now has a job which pays about $9 an hour AND he gets 10% for every item he sells. A few days ago, he asked me if I wanted to go down to the gas station to get a slushie (about 85cents a slush) and I say yes after mentioning I was EXTREMELY tight on money and can't be spending anything. He didn't say anything so I assumed maybe he didn't hear me, and I asked him if he could pay to which he says, "What? You can't spend $2? It's YOUR turn." real curtly. He did previously go to Taco Bell to get himself some food and got me a taco, even though I didn't ask so I didn't think it was my turn. I didn't say any snarky comment back, but told him again that I was super tight on money. I feel like it was really rude of him to act like that towards me, especially since for the longest time I would pay for the majority of things but idk. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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