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TD6tRYvgoL82fqgNb9aNw0BGYkyQ0Sjv
|
anuajb
|
{
"description": "not allowing my 12 year old daughter to stay the night at her lesbian friends house",
"pronormative_score": 83,
"contranormative_score": 384
}
|
AITA for not allowing my 12 year old daughter to stay the night at her lesbian friends house.
|
My daughter and her best friend have been very close since kindergarten. My daughter is always either over her friend's house or vice versa, they're pretty much inseparable.
Last week her parents threw her a surprise "coming out" party for everyone to show support. Honestly I thought the whole thing was a shit show. I mean she's 12, why on Earth are we celebrating a child's sexuality. The whole thing just felt really trashy.
When we came home I told my daughter that I didn't want her spending the night with her anymore. So naturally my daughter hates me, and everybody thinks that I'm being an intolerant, unsupportive asshole. Which is not the case at all. I totally support this girl and I really hope she finds happiness in her life. I never said anything about terminating a friendship.
I just feel like her family can no longer guarantee a safe environment for my daughter to stay in. When she stays the night at my house I make sure my son is staying somewhere else, either over a friends, or over my brother's house. It's not that I don't trust my son, it's because I strive to provide a safe environment.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 382,
"OTHER": 71,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 9
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 83,
"WRONG": 384
}
|
WRONG
|
rB87JeYMcAL7kItM7nV4ZrF1qfIUqf3x
|
a8g6ev
|
{
"description": "asking my friend to stop calling my mom a dipshit",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my friend to stop calling my mom a dipshit?
|
A little background...my ex-girlfriend is the friend I am referring to here. She will be referred to as my friend from here on out. The beginning of our relationship was not great and that caused negative opinions to be formed between my parents and my friend. That was 3 years ago. My parents have since moved on and are trying to be more inclusive of my friend in order to repair all of our relationships. My friend is still a bit bitter about everything.
This morning, I was telling my friend a funny story about how my mom got stabbed by a cactus when we were visiting a nursery. She just rolled her eyes and said "your mom is a dipshit." I told her I didn't like that she calls my mom a dipshit (she has called her a dipshit before) and I wanted her to not call her that anymore. I will admit my mom can be ditsy, but she is a very smart woman. My friend thought I was being too sensitive and got mad and a fight ensued. My friend's argument was that she calls her own mom a dipshit and a dumbass all the time. That is fine because that is her own mother and they have a relationship that that is okay. My friend and my mom don't have a great relationship and certainly not one where I feel it is okay to call my mom a dipshit. I didn't feel that calling my mom a dipshit was in good humor either. I felt that there was malice behind it. I am not sure if I am the one being too sensitive here.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
fCWszT59rrWiHph3qc2iuUzXtWwcRljy
|
aqkwca
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my friends for forcing me to chug a drunk",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA getting mad at my friends for forcing me to chug a drunk?
|
So it was my 20th birthday not too long ago and I wanted to have some friends over for a low key party. I haven’t really enjoyed going out and drinking for the last couple of years for some personal reasons and my friends have been super understanding, so this party was a big deal to me. I even spent like $80 on a really nice cake.
My friends like to do this thing with each other called “icing” so if you find the Smirnoff ice they’ve strategically hidden for you, you HAVE to chug it on the spot while everyone yells “CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG”.
Absolutely not my thing.
And low and behold I get “iced”. At first I laugh and kindly decline, but 3 of them keep pushing me to chug and they’re pulling their cameras out so they can record me chugging and post it online. I don’t want that. I feel like the only sober one in the room at this point and I’m not having fun anymore. I keep saying no and now they’re getting mad and telling me to “seriously, just chug it.”
I said no again but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. At this point everyone at the party is looking at me. I’m looking around the room for help but everyone is just looking at me.
So I started chugging. It was embarrassing. I couldn’t even get through half the drink before I needed to catch my breath and you could hear EVERYONE in the room go “awww” and then my friend posted the video on her social media. I felt like such a party pooper at my own party. The mood really went down after that. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CW0SEu5UGFe87Xptqu96uQ4d29r3MeaC
|
ay6h8c
|
{
"description": "giving a girl a sh*t stained towel to wipe her mouth",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA: I gave a girl a sh*t stained towel to wipe her mouth.
|
This is my first ever reddit post, so sorry if it’s all messed up.
First, some background:
Dialogue might be off because this did happen some time ago and I can’t really remember.
Me=M BP=B*tch Parent
G=Daughter of B*tch Parent
So, to begin with, this event happened when I was in the 4th grade. There is a certain event called the Lincoln Lympics for all the schools in my school district (if yk yk). Being a person who was competitive I tried out, and surprisingly, I got in. I was in the 100 yard dash. So I ran in the event and came in a terrible 5th place because I am in no means fast or athletic. I’m a little kid who’s like 4’4 and 50 lbs. When I finish the race I go to my friends but as I’m walking I see this girl (G) throwing up. I ask her is she is ok but she’s so sick that she doesn’t even acknowledge me (which I completely understand). After I said this, her mom (BP) must’ve heard me and approaches me. Enter, B*tch Parent.
M: Are you okay?!?
G: *vomits*
BP: DOES IT LOOK LIKE SHES OKAY YOU LITTLE SH*T?
M: No... (irritated)
BP: INSTEAD OF ASKING RETARDED QUESTIONS, WHY DON’T YOU F*CK OFF AND GET MY DAUGHTER A WET TOWEL!!
M: ok? (I was surprised because a complete stranger was ordering me around to do stuff, in a rude way nonetheless, how dare THEE)
So I ran away to get the towel. When I got the towel I was so angry at that woman that I had to get her back. I had the towel and went into a bathroom to wet the towel and ran back to the woman. When I arrived I saw that G had stopped vomiting but was still crying. So with the biggest sh*t face grin, I approach the BP.
BP: Took you long enough... no wonder you came in last. (I guess she saw me run, also I was 5/6 b*tch)
M: OH, sorry for the wait ma’am, here’s the towel. *extends hand*
BP snatches the towel out of my hand also ripping my arm off (let me remind you that I am very small and fragile) and gives the wet towel to her daughter. I ran away and watched from the distance. G takes the towel... BUT, what BP didn’t know is that I also wiped off a few stains from a toilet bowl with the towel after I wet it. What occurs is the following. G starts to wipe her mouth and suddenly stops. I stare intensely at her with a HUGE sh*t faced grin. G removes the towel and I sh*t you not... ;) ... there is a streak of crap on the top of her lip. She starts crying and IMMEDIATELY starts to throw up again. This girl is like a water fountain of vomit. BP erupts in anger and starts yelling, “I’M GONNA BEAT YOUR F*CKING A*S YOU LITTLE F*CKER”. I quickly hide from BP and for the rest of the event I never see BP or G ever again.
Endnotes: in retrospect I do think that I did go a little overboard. Lmao thanks for reading though :)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
NhtLYXgMU2byXG5QUAh9o1ntt2LUnK4Y
|
awr39g
|
{
"description": "talking to a frequent customer about her contraceptive options",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I talked to a frequent customer about her contraceptive options?
|
I work at CVS and there’s a girl that comes in 1-2 times a month and buys a plan B. She has done this so often that she has memorized the price, brings exact change, and when she walks into the building every employee there goes and gets one for her without her having to ask. I know that she’s not buying them for anyone else because she’s very chatty with me especially, about everything from when she has sex to who she’s having sex with. She’s very sweet, but I get the impression that she thinks plan b is a regular form of birth control. A generic plan B is just shy of $44, so she’s spent at least $1k on them in the time that I’ve worked at CVS.
Would I be an asshole if I took her aside the next time she came in to ask her if she wants to know about other contraceptive options? Or if she wanted to talk to the nurse practitioner in our Minute Clinic? I know it’s really none of my business, but I know she works a minimum wage job and like I said, plan b is expensive.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
6okP9dlEpOV3dNS7wzRDIgSkm0LxYTej
|
b09yyg
| null |
AITA?
|
My friend needs someone to sign so he can get a loan. He already has a car loan, and a debt loan that was over 10,000 and he needs more. He hasnt thought out his expenses so he needs another loan from the bank for living expenses. Ive declined him since i have my own debt and living expenses to pay.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
6qLX0Sn0uiVxQBuwJVWJc4h5KEmHRoYb
|
b6ub7m
|
{
"description": "letting a friend know that I don't remember the joke",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA to let a friend know that I don't remember the joke?
|
Many years ago I was at a party with a group of friends and (not unusually, we had quite a bit to drink). During the course of the night, the husband of a very good friend told me a joke. The punchline was something along the lines of 'picking up a fucked up duck '. I remember that we howled with laughter and it was the best joke I'd ever heard in my life (or maybe it was just because I was hammered).
Anyhow, ever since then, whenever we see each other, he says to me 'So Lissy, how's the duck going? ' and we both have a good old chuckle about it.
WIBTA to tell him that after 25+ years I don't have the first fucking clue what the joke is? I'm tempted.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
GCCUmfRQku6QpdCvBohwk1PAU1O1jwOp
|
aczfcm
|
{
"description": "wanting to end a friendship because of a shroom trip",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for wanting to end a friendship because of a shroom trip?
|
I'll start this off by saying I take shrooms very seriously, and all my friends know I do.
So me and a friend(L) did a 3g trip each. They were mine and I didn't charge him for them. I prepared for it the whole week leading up, I stopped all other substances, meditated, ate well, worked out a little and got plenty of sleep. He didn't sleep the 2 days prior(got sleep the night before), ate chips and junk food, stayed on his couch for days, drank the days leading up and smoked weed before, during and after the trip.
The plan was for us 2 to go to an insect museum, and meet our trip-sitter(T)there. Then before the peak we would go to another friends house(A), who has a huge field to goof off in.
The museum was great! I couldn't look at some beatles bc they were a little scary, but still had a blast. About 45 min in we decide to go to A's house.
We weren't there 5 min and L starts talking about smoking but we can't do it inside or around the house because of neighbors so he'd have to go really far in the field to smoke, that was fine because that was the plan anyway. But it gets to L because he wants to smoke right away, it puts him in this weird mood from then on.
We were in the field and around my peak( L peaked prior, don't know why. Probably the weed) I told the 3, A,L and T that I want to be alone for this part. This was supposed to be a revelation trip for me, “new year new me” and just didn't need to listen to them talk while I do this. I didn't walk to far away from them and I can already hear L getting annoyed with A because of the smoking thing.
So in my tripped out mind I'm thinking well fuck my friends aren't getting along what can I do, and that was my only thought during the peak. I finished and walked back to them. We talked casually for a bit the went back inside.
Still pretty trippy I sat down and was stuck in my head for a bit. I come back into their conversation and L says he's going back out to smoke some more. It kind of caught me off guard, like how are you not high enough right now? So we let him and he comes back and says he doesn't want to be here anymore bc he can't smoke inside. I'm still fucked and am indifferent about it, eventually he annoys me enough so I say fuck it let's go even though I'm still to high. T drives us back to my car, while driving, L says he doesn't like A and some other stuff about the trip. We get to my car, thank T and I drive back to L's place, still to fucked to be driving. So I tell him I have to hang here for a bit until I feel safe.
We get in and his new bed he's been waiting for has arrived, I asked if he'd like help and said no, that I could go sit down so I go and lay down/ space out on his couch while he starts putting up his new bed. A minute later he tells me he needs help, I'm still pretty high and didn't understand how to put it up so he gets annoyed with me, so i say fuck it and go sit on the porch. 30 min later I'm good enough to drive so I walk back in and he has set up his bed. I tell him I'm not high anymore and that I'm leaving. He apologized for being an ass all day. I said something like yeah it's fine, then I left.
I was not in the right mindset to be angry at him then, but now that I'm reflecting on it he ruined everything from the A's house until I went home. I know he didn't have a good trip and got annoyed immediately as we got to A's house, which in turn got to me and I didn't have a good trip.
Like I said I take shrooms very seriously and his disregard for them has got me livid today, so much that really dont want to see him again. I don't know how you can do all that shit and then say your ready. I feel like I wasted a beautiful day just worrying about him. The entire trip didn't feel special at all, like I was just a little extra higher than I would be on weed.
I want to call him today and tell him that it was a total waste of time and that he needs to pay me for them. AITA?
Tl;dr: Did shrooms with friend, he didn't take it seriously and ruined it for me as he just cares about weed
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
YXmmTmnaVcFriq4ipBqvICOXzJ2ZGPwf
|
asgyvb
|
{
"description": "not calling before leaving",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not calling before leaving
|
My boyfriend and I have been in an on and off relationship for just under two years now. We fight over stupid little things and can't communicate our feelings but care deeply for each other. I went back to Europe last month for a few weeks to visit family. He stayed at my place for the first time, two nights before dropping me off at the airport. We told each other we would talk everyday but that didn't happen. We got into a small argument a week after and didn't talk the rest of the time I was away.
On my way back, my domestic flight was delayed and I missed my international flight home. It's 9pm in the capital, all the offices are closed and I have no phone to call any US offices to figure out my situation. The people I spoke to at the airport said I'd have to wait til 8am but I may not be able to get a flight out for another 2 days. I'm supposed to arrive home at 5am and I work later that day at 4.
Even though we hadn't spoken for a while, I called him and he was able to rearrange my flight for the following morning. I was incredibly thankful. He said he'd pick me up at the airport and to call him when I arrived at last layover. We said our loves you and hung up.
I called and msged him when I touched down but got no response. Got on my last plane ride and was excited to be home (5 hour flight). No reply even after grabbing my luggage and going through customs (not even a 'K'). I decided to wait another 20 min and have a smoke to see if maybe he was just running late or accidentally slept in (arrived around 6am and he has work at 730 so he usually needs to be up by 630 anyways). I decide not to call since this isn't the first time hes slept through one of our plans or just completely flaked and didn't show up. Grabbed an uber and went home.
I'm lugging my bags up the stairs and I receive a text "where are you" I reply "I'm home." I immediately get a call and he ends up calling me an asshole. We're currently not speaking. AITA for not calling before leaving the airport?
​
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
gywzSyo0C4ECY2qxsFJ7PkDXspie9qRS
|
b849x1
|
{
"description": "not wanting to work with a colleague who was drink driving after a leaving party",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for not wanting to work with a colleague who was Drink Driving after a Leaving party.
|
Well pretty much as the title suggests.
The company went out for drinks after work as a Leaving party for a respected colleague. One of the people I work with decided to drive at the end and there was no way they were under the limit.
I was meant to be working with them onsite but refused my manager is now saying I have to either talk with them and carry on working with them or he has to bump it up to the directors.
TLDR AITA for refusing to work with someone who drove drunk.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
29mLCvRP8OoYqP5GYW4ccISbbFRjG3ij
|
b86t5v
|
{
"description": "not wanting to bail out a friend when I've payed my share",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not wanting to bail out a friend when I’ve payed my share?
|
So my friend group and I are going abroad for a week in the summer. This coast me a £150 deposit which I payed a while back as well as a £430 payment which I payed just three weeks ago.
This is all well and good. Except an issue has come up where one of the people going with us may not be able to go due the possibility of it clashing with a more long term work/study holiday abroad.
Now to be fair, she payed her remaining balance (£430) two weeks ago and only found out last week that these dates could clash. She will find out whether or not the dates are ok soon enough I hope.
My issue is that if, in the worst case, where the dates do clash, she of course won’t be able to go meaning according to the person organising the holiday, the remaining people will have to bail her out pretty much. We have all of us, payed our share towards it, each of us having payed £430 each.
Of course I feel bad that she is put in a pretty unfortunate predicament, but I can’t help but feel like my friends and I are getting shafted, having to pay for the room that she can’t attend. We aren’t aware yet whether we will have to pay if she pulls out, and we’ll find out from the place where we are staying soon.
TLDR: Am I an asshole for not wanting to split the bill to bail my friend out, when I’ve already payed for myself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
gFD1LqL7y1CkC81I5ZHgodifcYqybPNK
|
9z51ev
|
{
"description": "getting panicked by my girlfriend prank texts",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting panicked by my girlfriend prank texts
|
My girlfriends best friend (who’s number is not in my contacts) started texting me saying “I thought I could trust you” “where’s my money” and other stuff along those lines, at first I asked what I owe money for and the texts just stayed vague and aggressive, finally she told me she was my girlfriends friend and it was all a joke ( she got bored because I wouldn’t respond) but during the texts she said my fiends names and threatened my girlfriend by name and I have very bad anxiety and one of my biggest fears is something happening to my gf while I’m away. I texted my girlfriend and asked if it was her idea and she said no and apologized because she assumed it was annoying then I asked why she went along with it and gave her the names of my friends and she just got annoyed and told me she shouldn’t have to take care of my anxiety. I feel like this is a moment where she triggered it by helping her friend scare me and I don’t think I’m in the wrong for being upset but everyone keeps telling me I am
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
vMHWojzPjQ1rZl02anaK0I0pN2LmRFiS
|
ap83lb
|
{
"description": "backing out of an engagement because she quit and won't work once we are married",
"pronormative_score": 466,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
AITA for backing out of an engagement because she quit and won't work once we are married?
|
A bit of backstory is needed to explain her mentality. Her father ran an extremely successful construction business that his father left to him in a large city. He regularly was winning multi million dollar construction bids and once he asked his now wife my fiance's mother to marry him he told her to quit her job and that she wasn't going to work anymore.
Now to us, I'm 28, she is 26 and we have been dating for about 3.5 years now. We both have student loan debt up to our eyes and the only reason we have a house is because her father gave her one about 2 years ago. There is no way we could afford a house right now (yay student loan debt and various credit card debt we both have.)
Her family is wealthy and her father is great but he also believes in making your own way, I respect that and am super grateful for what he has done so far with the house and bailing us out a few times when things got pretty bad.
So now to us, I proposed to her 2 months ago and it all was great. Both families like each other and we all get along great. However.. last week my wife to be told me she put in her two weeks notice and is extremely happy to finally be a wife and not work anymore... Uhh what? We had our first major fight right there because we NEED her income to survive especially if we are going to have a kid in a year or so like we plan to.
I'm not on a position like her father was to fully support a family on my income alone, not to mention her debt piled on top of mine. Also if she never planned to use her degree once she got married why did she take all the loans? I also found out she would have ZERO student loan debt if she went to what her father calls a "real school". She went to a local state college because her boyfriend at the time was going to go there even though she was accepted at other schools.
Now I'm not going to argue her Dad's an ass to pay for college at one school and not the other or blame her for wanting to be by a boyfriend at the time and taking student loans to go be by him. That's the past and when you think you are in love or are in love you do some stupid things sometimes.
However I cannot marry her if she honestly just won't work now that she's a wife. I get that it's her mother's kind of fairy tale that happened to her but I'm not wealthy enough to do that. We talked about doing that for 3-4 years once we have a kid because I do believe that a child should always have one parent around and not just daycare/babysitters because daycare is extremely expensive. Then once our kid gets into Pre-K she would return to work part time then full-time once school actually starts.
Now apparently that plan we had is moot and her new plan is to never work again because I popped the question. Not cool and her mom is FULLY behind her decision, the Dad is way more level headed and took me out to drink and told me there will be no bad feelings if I back out because I shouldn't be expected to do that unless I'm in a financial position to do so.
AITA if I give her an ultimatum to work or not get married? I also don't want to get married on the back of an ultimatum, I just don't see that being healthy either.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 458,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 6
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 466,
"WRONG": 24
}
|
RIGHT
|
nBDDRwhrcPxirNOnmA3fRhQCkc31zrkx
|
b2k9jv
|
{
"description": "dropping a friend in their time of need",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for dropping a friend in their time of need?
|
This is going to be short and not so sweet.
I'll refrain from too much detail for privacy reasons.
I have a very close friend of 4 years. We are both females in our 20s.
My friend can feel feelings a lot more intensely and this can sometimes lead to a lot of mini dramas and subsequent support from me.
9 months ago, friend had a big blow up with her boyfriend. I dropped a lot, let her stay in my apartment, stayed up until 5am talking about him, humoured her whilst we drove past his workplace 3 times in one night, the whole shebang.
Perhaps it's important to note I work full time 6 days a week. She works from home as a freelancer and has a lot of freedom on taking a few personal days etc.
A week later they get back together and admittedly I'm disappointed. After spending so much time hearing about his faults, it was very much a sudden 180 for me.
Whatever, if she's happy then I'm happy.
Cut to 3 weeks ago.
The same situation. Another big fight and it's the end of the world. I'm trying to respond to dozens of lengthy messages every hour whilst between jobs.
Friend now lives 800km north of me. She asks to fly down and come and stay at mine just like before.
I said no. I explained I do not have the time to do this again. I cannot be your therapist. If you make the choice to fly down, it's up to you. I cannot let you use myself and my apartment every time there's a drama.
Been rocky and awkward ever since. Had some judgement from other friends for "leaving her out in the cold."
Am I the asshole?
(*side note; the city we live in has decent rooms for as little as 5USD a night and furnished rooms for 100USD a month. We both earn similar wages. If it was a case of her being homeless, I would not respond in the same way)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
R7xHFKXrBrLPxSNNLvL8dzQmnPTlQQgB
|
an09kc
|
{
"description": "making a friend leave the restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For making a friend leave the restaurant
|
I was with a group of friends at a restaurant, we were talking about local bands(we have to organize an event), he asked our opinion on one band and I said that I thought they are boring and he for no logical reason tells me to shut the fuck up if I can't tell him a better band or do it better myself (we had this argument in the past) so in the heat of the moment I called him stupid and childish and started explaining to him that I can give my own opinion even if I can't do it better, after my explanation he got up swearing at me, threatening me and just left. I just stood there confused as why he got that mad, AITA for his leaving?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
qVSW4aSvuRDRmJUbrnoQTB6cCHZdpl3Y
|
aa4l5s
|
{
"description": "trying to cut off all ties with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to cut off all ties with my dad?
|
Mobile user, first time posting, not a native speaker, you know the drill.
I should start by saying that my parents broke up when i was pretty young, about 9 years old. mom finally stepped her foot down after years of abuse from dad (from even before i was born) and our whole relationship has been 'weird' ever since.
after that we did the typical "kid with divorced parents" thing of me seeing him every weekend and stuff. not much things happened there and the fights with mom were pretty much over, however i still was (and am) very scared of him. the thing is he's extremely bad at showing any kind of affection or interest in the things i do, and he gets really angry whenever i say no to meeting up or recieving something.
now that i told him i didn't want to meet up he said he'd never invite me anywhere and if i wanted to hang out i'd have to call him and show up there by myself. the thing is, i never wanted to do (i never felt close to him) that and i just did it because i feel like it's my obligation as a daughter.
this was about 2 months ago.
yesterday, mom told me he called her and said that he would never call me, that he's "never done it with any of his children and he's not gonna do it with me". i didn't care and kept thinking about how i hated to be walking on eggshells every time i call him and that i never felt close to him in the first place.
today, she mentioned that he was crying when he said it. and it made my heart sink a bit.
part of me (and im pretty sure mom thinks this too) thinks that i have no right to be mad about the past seeing how i barely remember it, that i'm just being a heartless bitch to him. and me being scared of him makes no sense since he's never hit me or even threatened me.
so, am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
KFHST0Ugr1s7CKUttXVHuUGstnIjnNOb
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af855q
|
{
"description": "not wanting to shop at the local store that employs the mentally challenged",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA because I don’t want to shop at the local store that employs the mentally challenged?
|
Hear me out. The local grocery store chain has always employed a few mentally challenged employees for getting carts, bagging groceries, etc. totally cool. Thanks for giving people jobs. For the last year or so thay have been hiring more and putting them as cashiers as well. It’s to the point now where every cashier and bagger has challenges. Some of them just seem to have social issues but it’s making it difficult as a customer. If I just have a simple order and everything goes smoothly then it’s usually OK except for the bagging. They tend to not really understand how stuff should be bagged and my groceries sometimes end up mangled ( bread shouldn’t go under the big bottle of shampoo, right?) I’ve offered to bag but that seems to be upsetting for them at times and they just stand there and stare at me while I bag because they don’t know what else to do. I stopped bringing my own cloth bags because they often don’t know how to handle that and will put one or two items in my bags and then bag the rest in plastic. If I have any kind of issue or request for the cashier, they often can’t handle it and need to call for the manager. This slows everything down and so I usually just won’t say anything if my items ring up wrong because I just don’t want to hassle anyone or hold up the line even more. As it is, it takes forever to get out of the store now.
These employees seem to be pretty young and maybe don’t have all of the social stuff down. The conversation is often awkward and more than once I have walked up to an empty line and found the cashier scratching their ass or picking their nose and then they want to just jump right in and touch my groceries. I’m sure that kind of atuff happens all the time but to see it happen is kind of weird.
I kind of feel like an asshole for fussing about being inconvenienced because I am happy the store is giving them a job. I am not happy because I have seen how some of the “normal” staff treats some of them. Once I saw a customer drop a container of fruit and the manager told one girl to go pick it up. No broom. So she just got down on her hands and knees and chased down blueberries. At the time I just didn’t know how to handle that. Looking back, I see a bunch of different ways I could have stepped in and spoken up for the girl. I would do it very differently if I saw something like that. I once saw one of them trying to talk to a manager but he just kept saying “I don’t want to hear it. Stop talking to me”. From my perspective he seemed to be frustrated at having to try to manage the guy’s behaviors. He was trying to work but was just being pestered and interupted.
My other issue is that the store is union. I know how much these staff members are paying out of their check and it’s really not ok.
I don’t know how to manage any of this. I don’t know how to approach a manager and ask why they have chosen this approach. I’m sure they do not give a shit about losing me as a customer because they really are the only store around except Walmart. I don’t know if there is any point to me explaining they are treating all of their employees unfairly and making it harder for customers.
I feel like an asshole but IDK how to help the situation. Any ideas?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
O9kFiAhhEklsPFCGV5smYBQ8Da68qgnq
|
a7y60q
|
{
"description": "borrowing a chair",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for borrowing a chair?
|
I am using a throwaway for privacy reasons. I have just completed an MSC in App development. Compounding my annoyance with this whole situation is that I working for this company for minimum wage providing skilled labour and designing an app for them. I work upstairs and their is a shop downstairs. I admit this is going to be more one sided then I'd like because it just happened one hour ago and I partially wrote this try and explain to myself why I am upset.
I have gotten into the habit of writing up reports of any confrontation I have in a professional setting from working with a bully in a previous workplace. Also they stress me out so much I cant remember any details if I don't write it down and it helps me calm down. Anyway here is my report from today:
I enter the shop and one of the girls asks me about the chair I borrowed from the charity upstairs. I had asked them for it nicely because I was experiencing back pain from the chair I was using. I was getting a pain in my tailbone and have since then, before resolving it, resorted to standing up and using my laptop that way. I didn’t want to bother the owner with buying a new chair. I told them the shop I worked in and told them they could come back and take it any time.
The girl informed me that a representative of the charity had come down claiming the chair was stolen while Joe was on shift and had solicited a 5 euro donation from him as restitution. I told Zara that I would now have to go and clear up the situation.
I went upstairs and erroneously went to a representative for the Santa’s grotto and was redirected by her to the correct place.
I approached the correct place this time. “Hello” I said. “I borrowed a chair from here a few days ago. You seem to think it was stolen I’ve come to clear that up. “ I informed her that I was sorry about the whole incident but I had in fact asked for the chair nicely, informed them where I was working and told them they could get it back any time.
She informed me that they had all been very busy that day. She acknowledged that I had come in because she said I had “hurt my back”. I confirmed this in order to move the situation along. She told me that the CEO had come in and noticed a chair missing and that many families used the chair. I had only taken one chair. There were maybe ten chairs there. I repeated that I had asked for the chair, told her where it would be and that she could take it back any time. I then brought up the 5 euro donation she had solicited from Joe; the guy who had dealt with them when he had come to the shop. “Yes” she said “he was very good to do that. Would you like to make a 5 euro donation?” “No I wouldn’t” I said. “You wouldn’t?” she said sounding surprised.
This was the turning point in the conversation for me. She had offered no apology for the accusation of stealing, the distress she had put my colleague in, the damage she had done to me and the stores reputation or the 5 euro she had unjustifiably solicited. To be accused of stealing is one thing but to be accused of stealing from a charity is even worse. On top of this was the fact that I had all ready proffered her an apology early in the conversation as a show of peace and that she had now just tried to solicit another 5 euro from me making the total restitution for the alleged crime 10 euro.
“you took it for four days. We didn’t know what had happened to it. We had thought you wanted it temporarily”. I reiterated the details of the case i.e that I had asked for it, told them where it was and offered to bring it back to them anytime they wanted it.
‘I am under the impression you pressured him into donating” I said.
“Oh no no no” she said “would you like me to give the five euro back?”
“Thats not going to happen “ I said “I think you know thats not going to happen.”
I felt this offer was very disingenuous and was designed to embarrass me. She continued to offer despite me telling her that I though it was inappropriate. She even reached into a bun-bag she was wearing, despite my protestations and began to fish for a five euro. This started to go around in circles
I eventually interrupted her and said “so I am just clearing that up. The chair wasn’t stolen. Thank you so much”
I was surprised at the situation. All they had to do was come to the shop and ask for the chair. It would have been no problem and created no drama. It is what I would call a reasonable response.
I returned to the store. They asked me how it went. I said “They are very tricky people. She wasn’t easy to deal with and she tried to get another 5 euro donation from me.”
I went upstairs and began writing this report while the events where fresh in my mind.
About 10-15 minutes later. Zara came upstairs and informed me that she had gone back to the charity and apologised on my behalf. I think, but Im not entirely sure, she said she had pledged another 5 euro to the charity. She also told me that I would be paying Joe the 5 euro. She said that she could see from the way I had come back that i had not, to paraphrase, handled the situation properly. I told her I was extremely unhappy with what she had done and that she had no right to apologise on my behalf.
She said that the girl was upset. She said I had originally ran up there shouting about hurting my back and taken a chair. I reiterated to her that I had told the charity where I worked and that anytime they wanted it they could come back and take it. She said I should have taken it back myself. I told her that i was here working everyday and that they were temporary therefore it made sense that they simply come back for the chair when they needed it rather than me bring it back. She ,in a rather demeaning way, said
“you just work here part time.”
She disagreed with me.
I explained to her that accusing us of stealing and of soliciting a donation was a crazy thing to do and I had gone there to clear it up. She conceded that she shouldn’t have said that Joe was pressured into giving a donation. However, giving my experience with the representative of the charity and the fact that she had in fact solicited a donation from me, and even mentioned the exact figure of 5 euro, I believe she did.
She informed me that she was my manager and that she could do that. There was a back and forth on wether she was my manager or not. She said she would call Tommy. I told her that she was free to call Tommy if she wanted. She told me that because she was my manager I should have gotten her permission to borrow a chair. She repeated this several times. To my knowledge she works in the shop part time. She does not make my roster. She is not even the person in the shop with the longest hours. Joe is. I have both my boss and another woman named Jenny who is on maternity leave. It is my belief that both these people manage the shop. I take instruction for them. Zara is a drama student.
I replied “its just a chair. Why would I need your permission to borrow a chair?” She said that I should have told them where I had gotten the chair. She also told me that I should have had her permission to go and talk to the charity. She said I had stormed over there. I had not stormed over there. I had arrived to work in a good mood having exercised earlier in the morning so I would go in with a positive attitude. I had gone over to the charity with good will and in a good mood merely wanting to clear up a misunderstanding. That is the truth. I smiled at both the girls when I came in to greet them.
I really never envisioned this becoming the major problem it had now become. She became very upset and began to raise her voice slightly. I did not raise my voice but she said “I don’t like the way you are talking to me. Is this the way you are going to talk to me?”. I did not see the way I was talking to her as inappropriate.
I was doubly upset because on Tuesday I had come into work and Joe was sick. She had been called in to cover his shift and was annoyed that he had left five minutes earlier the day before, hadn’t cleaned up, had taken the pass home with him and now she had to cover for him. The store was very busy and she was stressed. I came down and brought her some chocolate I had bought because i felt sorry for her. I covered for her while she was on break for half an hour. I offered to give her another twenty minutes break because she was worried she wouldn’t get it. I also told her to call me if she felt overwhelmed and I would come down and help her. I also offered to pre-cut some wrapping paper for here to save her some time. When I left that day I gave her a reassuring pat on the back as I was leaving as a show of support. She wanted to know when Tommy would arrive there but didn’t ring him. I wanted to ring Tommy anyway so when I did I also asked on her behalf when I thought he would be there and then relayed the information to her. I have never been anything but polite and respectful with Zara and was now very annoyed at the way I was being treated. Despite this I wanted to try and normalise the situation. It felt like this had all gotten completely out of hand over something very very minor.
“This is crazy” I said. I repeated this several times throughout the conversation. I also said “Zara this is mental”. This was my natural response. I couldn’t believe things had gotten so out of hand and I thought by saying “this is crazy” it might diffuse the situation and give us both some perspective. I was really surprised at what was happening. I had never had a problem with Zara but I thought on Tuesday she had been a bit unjustifiably annoyed with Joe and it had made me slightly weary of her.
I also said that she had muddied the waters by going over to the charity and made it look as though
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
oIDvGf2exjzNDmUV8LOxxFMEbplyTxaL
|
aisnxu
|
{
"description": "calling bs on my friend who got \"molested\" at a sleep-over",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling bs on my friend who got “molested” at a sleep-over
|
Okay, okay, I know this sounds bad but I need to get some context in:
I have 2 female friends: B and J. Last school year they had some random beef with another girl, H. Basically H said she didn’t like the way B and J treated her to another person and so B and J denied it all and resent her.
A few months ago (3-4) H started showering B with gifts, it soon became apparent that H had a huge lust for B, disclosing this to me in a DM, both B and J now knew this and still didn’t like her.
Now the important part.
One month later, H is celebrating her cake day with a sleepover, I get invited, but I’m not allowed to go bc my parents don’t like the idea of me sleeping next to girls home alone all night.
B gets invited, despite she doesn’t like her, says yes, she invited J to come as her +1 as H couldn’t get anyone else to come, from bits and pieces before the cake day I figured that they were going to tease her ( yes in a sexual way) for a laugh.
The night rolls around and from what B and J told me (they keep telling me not to talk to H and to my trust her) they went, DESPITE STILL NOT LIKING THIS GIRL, and tease her for the night, playing T or D, rubbing up against her.
When they all fall asleep B tells me that she felt H sidling up begins her and fondling her boob while masturbating, even getting to the point of climax. When H falls asleep later, B wakes up J and they leave, walking home at 2am.
(B did tell me at one point she whispered in H’s ear “I want you” apparently as a joke)
They tell me they told the school but they won’t do anything because: “B’s grades haven’t dropped so it’s not serious” and the police “said” that she was lying.
I don’t believe that the school nor police would intervene, and reading the written statement to the school, they did say anything about leading her on or hating her.
I do t even think they told the police or the school.
These 2 have had it in for H for a year, as in, they want her out of the school, when I was told what the school and police said I kept quiet, but when asked later I said: “it’s improbable that the school and police would do nothing and if you guys hated her so much why even go”
They both got mad at me, calling me “Victim blamer” and “rape apologist” they started spreading rumours that I was all of the above and that I wanted to *explicit* to H.
All these rumours caused my gf (named S) to break up with me .
I have the texts to show B and J hap planned to go and see H and lead her on, but nothing to defend myself, I’ve been with S for 3 years, and B and J ruined almost everything in my life, they’ve sent me DM’s saying if I “keep up my act” AKA being skeptic, they’ll phone my parents and tell the school.
I’m worried guys, my life is ruined, this isn’t a lie or a joke, I just want advice on whether or not I make the DM’s public.
(Sorry for long post, needed to vent)
TL;DR-2 girls may have lied about being raped and when I got skeptical, ruined my life
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ldVdtFXYcuJvV3gFI0wRIe6etoKdkFYr
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a0mqf9
|
{
"description": "starting my workplace's shutdown early and calling out a coworker",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for starting my workplace's shutdown early and calling out a coworker
|
I (26 M, married) have worked at a children's science museum for nine years this month. We're open from 9AM to 5PM every day. I work in the Exhibits department with two others, the relevant one being Richard, who is also 26, single, and has worked with us for about three years. Richard is an odd dude, though I really like him. He's got a speech impediment, with his Rs becoming Ws. On his off days he buys and sells basically anything he can at flea markets. He's a great woodworker, and he also works events for our Rentals department. He's had several issues with various coworkers at the museum because of his blunt attitude. He'll regularly call someone or their opinion stupid in an argument. He's also called coworkers he doesn't like "ugly" to their faces while laughing. But he's also usually an amazingly hard worker, and believes in doing things exactly right (by his definition of right, I should clarify).
One of our department's daily responsibilities is turning all of the exhibits on before opening and turning them off at the end of the day. We also do floor recovery, which is a nice way of saying we straighten up areas and put toys back where they go around closing time.
When I started and I was being trained, I was told that we start turning things off at 4:45 PM. We do it in a specific order so that we're hitting mostly small things at first, and the very biggest exhibits last, just to be a little more courteous to the visitors. But we're still turning things off a bit before closing to send the message that we are, in fact, closing very soon. For reference, the exhibits we're turning off, from small to large, include: decorative lights, televisions playing educational videos, a projector displaying a wordless video of marine animals, interactive computer displays, microscope activities, a large exhibit with images projected on a sphere to show atmosphere information, an interactive activity with a projector involving music, and the largest interactive area, a water-themed section with several smaller components. We never turn off those last two things until 5 PM.
In the past nine years, we've had **2** complaints in regards to this policy. Our staff are all copied in on the comment cards as a way to help us improve. Both complaints were actually more of a direct result of one of my ex-coworkers. She was an elderly woman and was rude to visitors who stayed past 4:45, actually asking them to leave. We typically never ask folks to leave until it's actually 5. I should add that we make announcements around closing time, one at 4:30, and four more at 4:45, 4:50, 4:55, and 5:00.
Upon the second complaint being made, we were asked by the CEO at the time to no longer shut down exhibits before 5 unless there were absolutely no customers anywhere nearby. We already did things like that, but now it was official. This was a few months before Richard started.
Back to my coworker; Richard and I have very different views on customer service. I absolutely agree that we should strive to give our visitors a fantastic experience. We're here to be a resource for learning and fun in the community. However, I hold the opinion that business hours mean a consumer has the responsibility to be *out* of the building by the time it is closed. Richard says that closing time is a suggestion, and we shouldn't even ask people to leave after we close. They'll get out when they feel ready to leave.
Richard and I get along very well nearly all the time, except when we discuss this topic, which does come up about once or twice a month. It usually remains somewhat civil, but is an argument every time. He has a strong "the customer is always right" stance. I believe that is a dangerous and easily-abused attitude. I want our visitors to feel as though they're welcome to enjoy themselves, but I also want to do small things that will remind them of our closing time in a non-aggressive way. When we're busy and it's loud in the building, they can't hear the announcements. I no longer turn off most exhibits before five--but I *do* turn off the sound that's playing on three exhibits to lower the volume in the hopes of making visitors more aware of the announcements and the fact that we're closing soon. Even that upsets Richard.
This all came to a head on Black Friday this year. We were very busy, with schools out and plenty of people visiting from out of town. The floor recovery was going to be a real chore as a result, and the crowd was still somewhat strong and loud around 4:45. It was just me and Richard working in our department. I muted one television and turned off the music playing with the marine-life video. That's really it. But Richard got mad and turned the sound back on for both, saying again that I was diminishing the customer experience. We argued, with him bringing another coworker into it, who agreed with me before removing herself from the situation.
The conversation died for a bit as Richard and I did our floor recovery. We managed to get into one area that was empty and work on cleaning it up. Shortly before we finished, a family walked in, looked around and saw us cleaning, and left without touching anything. I pointed it out to Richard. I said that, by his logic, we just truly diminished visitor experience. Had we not been cleaning, that family would've gotten to play more. He said "it's different" and stormed off to clean the next area. I followed--mainly because we usually do clean areas together, but also to continue my point. It's about 4:50 at this time.
We're in another empty exhibit cleaning now. I continued, the conversation going something like this:
Me: The sound being turned off wouldn't stop anyone from playing in an area--
Him: Stop it. Just shut up.
Me: No, really, I just want to know how this is actually better to you.
Him: Just stop. Shut up. We're done.
Me: No, I wanna know, which one of us is going to our boss Monday?
Him: Stop it. I'm done.
Me: You or me? Because clearly we can't be cleaning before five. If turning off SOUND bugs you because it's diminishing the experience, you can't tell me you're okay with THAT. (I gestured to the area we previously cleaned)
He was also laughing and shaking his head during that quoted conversation, which he's admitted he does when he gets into arguments and thinks the other person is being ridiculous. I was upset because the minute I had a good point he started telling me to shut up. I was upset that he was *laughing at me*. That last line I quoted in the conversation, I did raise my voice. Not quite yelling, but kind of like a-dad-scolding-his-kid volume. After that, I went quiet and he laughed some more as we cleaned, then we parted ways. About 4:55 now.
I cooled off a bit, and I regretted raising my voice. I genuinely really enjoy working with Richard and he's fun to be around once you get used to him. I went back and found him about four minutes later and apologized. I said I lost my temper, and I was truly sorry for that. I said I shouldn't have raised my voice at him or spoken so harshly, and that I would be more respectful of his opinions in the future, even if we disagree. There was no need for me to get angry with him over it, and I would avoid that topic of conversation in the future. He said "nope, do whatever you want from now on", still laughing and shaking his head, and said he'd see me next week before we parted ways again.
I didn't say it to him, but I stand by my opinion. I do regret the way that conversation went and my apology was sincere. I've discussed the idea of shutting things off starting at 4:45 with several coworkers over the years and it's a very dividing topic. I liken what I'm doing to the employees at a restaurant turning off their music fifteen minutes before closing time. You're still completely able to eat and no one's asking you to leave, but it makes it quieter and should make you more aware of the time.
So, basically, it comes down to a couple things:
1. Am I the asshole for thinking it's okay to turn off audio equipment in our museum prior to closing to calm the atmosphere and send the message that we're preparing to close?
2. Am I the asshole for the way I treated my coworker, Richard, in our disagreement?
I actually work Tuesday through Saturday, so I haven't seen him since and will see him again for the first time tomorrow morning. I'm asking because I really want some outside perspective if he tries bringing this up with me again. I'm going to try to avoid it, but I'm also nervous that he might have gone to our manager or to HR today to complain about me. I want to go into tomorrow with the most objective view possible of the situation.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
3HaUhAOPePMjYNKYR2brEfUcSr7Hg9KY
|
a5c45k
|
{
"description": "wanting to break up with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to break up with my girlfriend?
|
Side note: I just discovered this sub about 10 minutes ago so I'm not sure if this is a popular topic but I need opinions.
I've been dating a girl since some time around Thanksgiving. When we go on dates she is always really interactive and has fun talking to me and my friends, but she doesn't really ever hold a convo with me over text or even in person at school. I try making conversation with her about stuff she likes but she always seems more occupied by something else. I know she likes me, she just doesn't have any input on out relationship. I can't bring myself to talk to her about her lack of interesy because I'm afraid that she will be scared that I'm trying to break up with her. I want to save our relationship; she's innocent, nice, pretty, and has a fun personality but I can't get over her somewhat annoying traits. Help :(
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9wzwcr
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{
"description": "telling my dad about my lack of self-drive",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for telling my dad about my lack of self-drive?
|
I'm currently in a car driving home early from university and luckily my dad was nearby to come pick me up and take me home. I've not been the best recently after my girlfriend broke us up from a 2 year relationship about a week before I started my course and I'm noticeably behind the rest of my class.
I can't remember the exact conversation but the point relevant to this point went something like this
Dad: So why aren't you doing as well as you think?
Me: I just personally think it's a lack of motivation. I've got nothing to really make me push myself.
D: Nonsense, you've got you.
M: I was far more motivated when I was with EX, when I was in Sixth Form she was one of the main reasons I did as well as I did and now I don't really have anything.
D: That's stupid, you should be putting you as your main priority.
M: I really don't care about me though, nothing about me motivates myself whatsoever.
D: You go the gym, you want to do assault courses, you're more than motivated.
M: That's only because I'm good enough to do it. I'm easily the worst in my class and I'm putting in some work but I couldn't care less about me regardless.
We're just sat in silence now and he seems upset. I didn't want to concern him, I only say things like this to him because he's the only one I feel comfortable enough to be able to get things off my chest to but I think I was too selfish here.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a6rklg
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{
"description": "giving my step-mom a mildly offensive birthday card",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for giving my step-mom a mildly offensive birthday card?
|
So yesterday I stopped by my dad and step-moms to bring her present and a homemade birthday cake. Everything seemed fine at the time. She almost cried at the thoughtful presents and her favorite cake. She opened her card last and didn't seem to change demeanor. The front of the card had an elderly fairy with wings and a magic wand and said something along the lines of this fairy comes once a year in your sleep to make you one year older. You open the card and it says one word "bitch". Of course we signed with our love and Happy Birthday.
I get call this morning and she tells me she really liked the presents and the cake was really good but dad wanted to talk to me. So he gets on the phone and says they both cried all day yesterday because of the offensive card. He said I was calling her a bitch and that really hurt her feelings. I asked him if he read the card and it was a joke and I wasn't calling her a bitch but the imaginary age fairy. He lectured me for a few minutes about offensive language and then step-mom got back on the phone and lectured me some more. I apologized for offending her and tried to explain the joke. I think she understood that it was maybe just a generational difference in humor but then she started talking about how they never use that kind of language. I said that wasn't true. Ive heard my dad cuss plenty of times. She said maybe when he was younger but not now. I told her that I put a lot of work into making sure she had a great birthday. Weeks finding thoughtful presents she would like and got up early and spent at least 5 hours on her favorite cake and even spent at least 20minutes choosing a card. I thought the card would catch her off guard and make her laugh and that it was light hearted and only mildly offensive. I told her I was done talking about it and hung up on her when she continued. I feel like she is looking for ulterior motives and reasons to be upset. And i feel like she is shitting on all of the effort I put in to make her birthday nice. Well am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ZBAu7YVdldlQfHE4mvzJZNhcSFzkTn4Y
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ad13bs
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{
"description": "confronting my dad's wife for taking advantage of him at the risk of making their home lives more tense",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
WIBTA if I confront my dad's wife for taking advantage of him at the risk of making their home lives more tense?
|
Tldr at the bottom
My dad is the kind of man who just wants people to be happy. He's not fake or superficial or anything, he just bends over backwards for the people he cares about, a quality some people in his life abuse.
This brings us to his wife! They've been married for a while now but it seems lately things have started getting out of hand. She often adopts a "my way or the high way" mentality, snapping at everyone or sulking until she gets what she wants. If she's in a bad mood, she makes sure EVERYONE is in a bad mood. My dad doesn't handle this very well and does basically whatever she asks to end the situation. This could range from small things like cooking or buying dinner, to things a little more... out there, like scolding my brother on her behalf or scheduling vacations they can't afford because she wants to go to Disneyland for the fourth time that month (they are by no means close to Anaheim). If it's not done the way she wants, the whole cycle starts over again. I've seen her snap at him because he was humming while doing the dishes and she wanted the house to be quiet.
The most recent in the string of household spats is over my dad's tattoos. My dad has a heart with my name in it over his heart. He got it just after I was born and has another one on his bicep for my younger brother. Even though he has two other tattoos dedicated to his wife, she's currently insisting that he get the tattoo with my name covered because it's painful for her to have to see another woman's name on his body, let alone over his heart. She says covering it would be no different than when my dad covered a tattoo for his ex wife (my mom) after their divorce.
I think this is insane.
They've been fighting over it for a while now but over the holidays she stated with great satisfaction that she was pretty sure he was tired of fighting and would give in soon enough.
Can I call her out on this or should I just mind my own business?
I dont think it's right that she keeps strong arming him into doing things he doesn't want to do. I've brought it up to my dad before but he says marriage isnt perfect, everyone fights, and at the end of the day relationships sometimes require sacrifice. I understand but it still seems he's the only one giving.
On the smaller instances where I've brought this up to her, she's taken it out on my dad by being extremely passive aggressive towards him and snapping at him anytime he does anything she perceives as annoying.
I feel like she's seriously crossing a line but at the end of the day, I don't have to share a bed with her. I don't want to make things any worse for him by instigating a fight then leaving. When it comes to fights, her stamina knows no bounds. She can be angry for months if she sets her mind to it.
Am I an asshole if I tell her she's being crazy and taking advantage of my dad? Or am I more of an asshole if I ignore it?
Tldr: my dad's wife takes advantage of the fact that he will do anything to keep his family happy and makes constant demands to have things her way. She has recently demanded he remove a tattoo with my name on it. She also takes it out on my dad whenever she receives criticism. Would it make me an asshole to confront her about this, if it raises the risk that she might take it out on my dad by throwing more temper tantrums and fighting with him even more?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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Xt3SqPQqAfE1QLBWf3cXRgvs95l4KY2n
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b371q7
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{
"description": "talking to the clinical psychologist/my boss about another coworker",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for talking to the clinical psychologist/my boss about another coworker?
|
I (college student hoping to become a counseling psychologist) work at an institution who treats children for psychological and behavioral disorders.
The youth specialists including myself were tasked with coming up with a unique game for the kids. This particular coworker of mine claimed he had thought of one so we allowed him to do it. The game was that the children were to hold a doll, say something nice to it, and pass it on to the next kid. After that was over, they then were to grab that same doll, shout something mean to it, throw it on the ground, then pass it to the next child. This is where it gets chaotic. The children were shouting things like, “You fat retard!”, “Stupid whore!”, “Worthless piece of shit!”, you get the point. This coworker of mine was in fact laughing at their derogatory remarks, making some of the children think that these things were okay to say. I on the other hand was trying my best to tell the children to not use that language and try to be a little more respectful. At the end of the activity, he gave a shitty moral of the story speech about how saying mean things and hurting the doll does not make the doll feel good about himself.
It was confusing for them because one adult was telling them to do one thing (yell something mean to the doll and throw it on the ground) while I was telling them to do another (try to be respectful and not say super hurtful things even though it was just to a doll). I believe this activity was not in any way helping them and their psychological issues as this coworker of mine was laughing and encouraging the children to say horrible phrases (things they’ve probably heard at home/said to themselves).
I came to the conclusion that possibly talking to my clinical psychologist about this incident might be the most responsible thing to do as I fear the other activities that happen while I am not there are similar to this one and whether or not his activities are positively impacting them at all. WIBTA if I tell my boss about this incident?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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hk1lFLEqpBJJJPGf2LALDGubzED5LwgD
|
a8b6vq
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{
"description": "telling my roommate/friend he and his girlfriend can't approach my business partner sexually",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling my roommate/friend he and his girlfriend can't approach my business partner sexually?
|
I am a photographer. I reached out to some of my friends who were in sports and asked them to model for me. I frequently photograph this one girl because she is a great person to work with.
I brought my roommate to help once, and ever since, he relentlessly sexualizes her to me and speaks endlessly about how I should invite her to our parties, invite her out, etc. His girlfriend met her at my showcase for the work party, and since she is bisexual, both she and my roommate were asking me for her number, not telling me why, but I later found out it was to arrange a threesome. I never gave the #.
I said no because my roommate has trashed many of my own past friendships with girls via his awful treatment of girls (cheating, manipulating, etc) and I'm not about to let his creepy gf relationship invade someone I work with and ruin that. Obviously, I did not explain this, but I did say no because I don't want anything affecting my partnership with her.
His better friend was present when I said no and seemed to have a problem with me saying he can't do that, but was holding back in telling me so.
So am I an asshole for this? I feel like this is incredibly invasive of my personal relationships and business life in an extremely creepy and not normal at all way.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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akwm4n
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{
"description": "asking my housemate to buy me earplugs",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA for asking my housemate to buy me earplugs
|
My housemate is a great friend, and for the most part we get along fabulously. He got a new girlfriend a few months ago, and she's over a lot. I like her well enough, but the issue is his room is right next to mine, we don't have the best walls, and she is *loud* during sex. This results in me hearing very uncomfortable sounds when trying to get to sleep, sometimes when I have early morning classes the next day. I've tried asking them to keep it down, which was met with an apology and some quiet... for a few days.
I don't want to be a nag or not let them have their fun, so I started buying some earplugs so I could sleep better at night. They're not too expensive (about 5 bucks and the packs have enough to last about two weeks) but college students and budgets and all... so I'm considering asking him to buy them for me. Would I be an asshole for doing this, or is it reasonable?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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L5naQ2K4j6uUQoryLFeERxPbfCkCu5w6
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a0nqme
|
{
"description": "telling my managers girlfriend that he was cheating on her",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I told my managers girlfriend that he was cheating on her?
|
About a week ago I was working with my manager when I walked into the back kitchen while he was doing something and was the only one there. He sighs and says he's in a bad mood. I say, "what's wrong?" He then tells me about my coworker who is a server that they both have feelings for each other and that they have done stuff together, but she is ignoring him which is why he was in a bad mood.
The catch is, he has told me that he has a girlfriend who is PREGNANT with his child right now.
I then tell him that his relationship is doomed.
He then asks if I won't tell anyone, and I say yes (I told my boyfriend about it but he doesn't work with me so it doesn't matter).
I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, and I actually found his girlfriend on Facebook the other day and thought about messaging her and telling her what my manager told me.
Would I be the asshole if I did message his girlfriend and tell her? He told me all the stuff about him and my coworker in confidence that I wouldn't tell anyone but I don't want to be a snitch. Thoughts?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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argi3i
|
{
"description": "not fully accepting my ex bffs apology when she said she was going to commit suicide",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not fully accepting my ex bffs apology when she said she was going to commit suicide
|
A little back story (I'm on mobile so sorry for the format) me & my ex bff have been friends for 7 years we did everything together & I considered her my sister, at times she was my only friend. (I have severe social anxiety & am pretty much terrified of meeting new people) our friendship for the most years was good up until about senior year. She would go out & drink smoke & party (I did none of that) & everytime she got invited out she'd go regardless if we had plans (she left during my birthday party to go get high at a park) her family life was pretty bad as well so when it wasnt the best at home she would stay w us.
But I put up w it bc she was my best friend
What pushed me over the edge was when she invited a girl I did not like over to my house & basically kicked me out of my room & went through my stuff. Her whole personality changed pretty much. I went in there multiple times & told them both to leave but they refused until a couple hours later. Once the other girl left I went off on her & i never saw her again. (She also kicked everyone out of a gc we were in & blocked everyone of our mutual friends)
A couple weeks later my friend messages me asking what happened between me & her bc she was going around telling people that i blocked her & i was telling her to fuck off every time she messaged me (which I never did) but I ignored it then more & more people started asking what happened between us & I explained
A week ago she finally messaged me an apology saying that she took me for granted & she misses me & said "you didnt reply to any of the messages I sent so I was going to kill myself" but when I told her I never got any messages from her she said that she never sent them. But she wants to be my best friend again. What she did hurt & I was never expecting her to do that
AITA for not fully accepting her apology
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b9nxlp
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{
"description": "not wanting to room with my gay friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
WIBTA if I don't want to room with my gay friend?
|
I am looking into housing next year with a couple of the people I am currently rooming with, some of whom I have lived with for the last couple of years. One of the people I'm living with now came out as gay earlier last year. I appreciate him as a friend and am happy with my current living situation, but it was recently brought up that we could be living in the same room together next year. I want to live in the same room as someone to keep rent down (as I have done in two out of the past three years of college), but I'd prefer it to not be him. The justification that I'm using is that I wouldn't want to live in the same room as a girl, because it would more uncomfortable than in a room with a straight guy. I'm lumping living in the same room with a gay man as living in the same room with a straight woman, and I just don't feel comfortable with that. So Reddit, would I be the asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
v89uHs34K30oM2lyqHmQwaVIqB4ePsB2
|
apmf1d
|
{
"description": "making a Go fund me for an Island Getaway with my brother",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I made a Go Fund Me for an Island Getaway with my brother...
|
...but not at all for the reasons you're probably thinking of. Also, I am in no way looking to raise any money from this post. I just don't know where else to turn. With that and the click-baity title aside let's dive in.
Our dad is a Micronesian. The island he's from has only 2 people on it right now. The next closest island is where he currently lives and has about 11,000 people. He moved back there to take care of his side of the family when his mother passed away. We have not seen him since. In fact, I can only remember seeing him three times since he moved away due to the crash of 2008. The last time was when he came back briefly after going out for her funeral. We have never been there and only have the stories and descriptions that came from him.
Life out there is pretty simple. Many people would consider it a third-world country. It hasn't been until recently that our dad has had a reliable way to communicate with us. Now they've got semi-reliable internet out there and cell/satellite service. In the last short while, our dad has finally managed to get himself a nice cellphone and even a Facebook!
With Facebook came a revelation. Our dad is old, and more importantly he's sick. We never realized the extent of it until he posted a picture from his tin shack on his story. There were more pill bottles than we've ever seen. His diabetes has gotten worse and his leg is swelling worse than the last time. He's also been getting general sicknesses and pneumonia on and off since he moved there.
Naturally my brother and I have more or less dropped everything else in our lives and our main priority is getting out there to see him. We were finally able to get together and start planning/coordinating late last week. We're hoping to go this summer if not sooner and both of us are going to drop our jobs in order to go for at least a whole month. We'll figure out what comes after when we get to it.
We're not rich, but we're not poor. We are both in a position where we make a bit more than our monthly expenses. He recently started working for a trade and even picked up a second job at Starbucks to help the grind. I work 70 hours a week at a full commission job. I stashed some money away because I knew business was going to drop off and I'm only making it out by the skin of my teeth and some help from my SO. I haven't had a real paycheck in 4 months and it looks like I have one more to go. I don't have the time for a second job but you can bet your ass that I'll be selling my ass off until we get there.
The round trip alone is at least $2,300 EACH and I'm not even sure that includes a bag. Then there's paying our bills while away, living expenses (food/gas) on the island, and I would also like to have some money in the budget to improve my dad's living situation. Even if we're building it ourselves. We would even like to get traditional tattoos if we could somehow pull it off. Bottom line: we need about $6,000 collectively. We would love to aim higher because that doesn't pay any of our bills while we're gone etc., but that is the bare minimum we need to get out there and forget the consequences if that's all we can do.
Here is where we come to a crossroads. I think that a Go Fund Me or whatever offers a good enough chance to help us make this happen. I've gotten over that some people use those platforms for the dumbest things and am confident that our cause is righteous enough to be worth putting out there. I also understand that it's a long shot and that the grim reality is that we'd probably fail because we didn't get lucky. That's not the point though. I want to take advantage of any edge we can get because we have a really tight deadline.
However, my brother disagrees. Overall, he's skeptical to the point that he thinks we don't have a real chance.
Furthermore, he thinks that we should do everything we can to make it happen ourselves without putting any burden on others. The people we know are generally worse off financially than we are and anyone who is likely to donate is probably one of our friends that can't really afford it. I understand this point. I would like to keep it separate from the people who cannot afford it. I'm not sure what we can do about this though. If our friends want to and think they can then maybe we should let them. Some of my friends have already asked me if there's something they can do to help. I don't think they could, nor would, contribute all that much. Also, I don't think they'd put themselves at risk either. Maybe I could be wrong about his circles.
On top of that he believes that nobody outside of our groups would be that interested in giving to us because we don't have anything that sets ourselves apart from anyone else there. I told him that some of my most memorable reddit contributions are when Yap's Stone Money gets brought up in r/todayilearned or something. A few people have asked me to do an AMA and I've even briefly spoken to someone else who's mother is from Yap. Maybe we can contribute something. Maybe learning about people that most people never considered or even knew existed before Moana could be enough to set apart even a little bit.
None of that is particularly controversial between us, but I don't know how I would write what's below without also writing what's above. Maybe I need to vent. idk.
I know it's going to seem very ironic that I'm talking about this publicly, but it is the real reason why I'm here. My brother has a big hang-up about airing out personal matters to other people. Specifically the people close to him that aren't directly involved with it. He doesn't want to deal with other people talking to him about the issues that we face nor deal with any emotions that might come with facing these things in a public setting.
He did say that he would get over it if I could prove that it's a viable opportunity. I don't think I can suddenly come up with *the* way to make it work, and I don't think I could if I'm not actively working on it. I'm not even sure that we need to include **any** information about him being sick. We could instead leave it as two sons that haven't seen their dad in a decade and haven't yet had a real chance to explore anything of his culture.
This situation has been keeping me up at night for the last 2 months. Mostly because of dad's condition, less about getting there. All I can think about when I have any free time is getting us out there. I wonder if it's worth trying to turn the time spent thinking into time I spent working towards getting us out there, though I don't see any other avenues.
​
WIBTA if I set up a Go Fund Me despite my brother's feelings about putting ourselves out there?
​
Also, and much less importantly, AITA for posting this despite my brother's feelings about putting ourselves out there?
​
I don't know where else to turn for perspective. I don't know where to go for help either.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
Nbw4gIhzFRoUZnBtaGZ9vTiIEbEc17Ar
|
b5qv8k
|
{
"description": "calling my fat friend fat",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for calling my fat friend fat?
|
Throwaway because reasons.
My best friend is fat. Due to a number of health issues including PCOS and breaking her leg in multiple places a few years ago, she hasn't been able to properly exercise in some time and has gained more weight than she would prefer. She knows she's fat and is trying to increase her mobility/etc so that she can get some more exercise and lose some weight. That's not the issue here.
Earlier today she had had a fight online with a good friend of ours and she'd been really upset about it, and I'd taken a few hours out of my work day to help her sort it out (she didn't ask me to, I chose to, and I have flexible working hours).
Tonight she was in a bit of a self-negative spiral about how she was a terrible friend & she'd made me lose hours of work etc. This isn't an unusual thing for her, she has depression and often needs to be reassured that things are okay. It was a long day for everyone though and when my reassurances that I was responsible for my own actions and she wasn't a terrible friend, etc seemed not to be getting through, I got frustrated and said something like "can you get it through your stupid fat head that you're not responsible for my actions!"
She was pretty hurt by that, and she explained later that while it's no secret that she's fat, I had never used it in a pejorative sense before. She was right and I apologised, but she's now doing things like trying to pretend she's not hungry because of it, and claiming that I didn't do anything wrong (by calling her fat like that).
tl;dr: I called my overweight friend who struggles with self-esteem fat at the end of a difficult day, and now she's showing signs of disordered eating and claiming it's all her own fault. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
d2EaBr4OdassAp1Q9eLLLMyU1kyAW5FE
|
b3gbxe
|
{
"description": "doing drugs and having sex even tho my parents help me out financially",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for doing drugs and having sex even tho my parents help me out financially?
|
I'll keep it short. I'm a 19 year old freshman in college who lives away from my parents, but they still help me greatly and help me take out loans and pay for part of my tuition and I couldn't be more thankful for that, really. I would have to drastically alter my lifestyle and be under a lot more stress without their help.
However, my parents are pretty religious and conservative (I am definitely not) and they do not want me doing any illegal drugs or having sex before marriage. I am very sexually active, and also love smoking weed and dropping acid. I never do it in my dorm, but at my friend's places. I know that my parents explicitly tell me not to do these things and although they haven't said it exactly, I know if they found out that I did, that they would stop supporting me financially.
I am doing great in school, so it's not like their help is being wasted or taken for granted. I just feel guilty because I am lying by omission here because I know they would disown me or dissociate from me if they found out what my lifestyle was like outside of school. On the flip side, I feel like since it's my body, it should be my choice what I do with it, and my business, and that I shouldn't feel obliged to tell them what I am doing with my own body. I don't do drugs in a manner that puts them at risk for legal reasons- I live far from them- so I'm only putting myself at risk here. Am I the asshole for continuing to get financial aid from my parents while having sex and doing drugs in my free time? I am not willing to give up this lifestyle as it doesn't adversely affect me, and instead makes me happier and have more fun on my downtime. My options would be to continue to do this and lie by omission, or tell my parents what I'm doing and suffer them being very heart broken and also not financially supporting me anymore. (They won't stop paying for my college unless I give them a reason to because they are nice and if I just asked them to stop paying for some reason they would probably be weirded out and think I was trying to get away from them)
Thank you for your replies!
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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|
b3mhgq
|
{
"description": "not hanging out with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not hanging out with my friend?
|
Okay,my birthday was the 18th and I just turned 21,and my friends who go to college far from me came home for spring break,and I don’t really want this to be an excuse but I have depression and sometimes its hard even to get out of bed and want to go hangout with people and even kind of a fear of driving cause I was in a wreck as a newborn and I guess it is a subconscious fear and whenever i am driving i feel anxious because i dont trust other people and it just makes me super nervous, and cause he lives half an hour away from me i am kinda afraid to drive there,but this guy has been my best friend since high school and I know I let him down by not hanging out this entire week,but I planned on hanging out with him on my birthday but I celebrated with my family (which includes drinking,and we had kinda made plans to hangout but I didn’t know the time my family was coming over so I told him he could make other plans (which he did and I was fine with) but my other friend ended up coming to pick me up and I hung out with my other friend,and I talked to him this evening and I feel horrible about this,so Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
mjpZsZyJC9dNHJFdjZbf9MR9weJ0P8L9
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ai1i0m
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{
"description": "not wanting my fiancé to go to dinner with her boss",
"pronormative_score": 78,
"contranormative_score": 62
}
|
AITA for not wanting my fiancé to go to dinner with her boss?
|
I'm basically at the point of breaking off me relationship with my fiancé because I'm so frustrated by this whole thing. I guess this question is among my last salvos to see if i'm being an asshole and unreasonable. Or if the problem is on her end.
Been with fiancé for several years now. She recently graduated and got an amazing HR job with a pretty high profile "we get your DUI charges dropped!" type law firm. The guy who started the firm is known across as being an ambulance chaser, shyster and scammer because very frankly he's trying to portray that in his commercials. I've met him a couple of times and in person, he's a little better but I stew kind of feel like I needed a shower.
So right after New Years, wife came home and announced that Lawyer dude is taking the whole staff out to celebrate on January 20th because it was the firms biggest year ever. This is the timeline as near I can remember:
- January 5th, she tells me to keep January 20th open because SO's are invited. Cool, I can do that.
- January 8th. Sorry she was mistaken, it's just a work party she tells me it's cool if I make other plans that night. No problem.
- January 13th. She lets it slip, it's not really a party for the whole office, just for the people boss thinks were part of the success. I'm starting to get a little WTF'y here.
- January 14th. Miraculously, all the people going to dinner with the boss are under the age of 30 and female. Now alarm bells are really going off.
- January 18th. The list is down to two people, my wife and another new attorney. So, if I'm hearing this correctly, the two people mainly responsible for this 20 year old company's "biggest year ever" are both recent college grads, both female and both around 25? Fiance says "aren't you proud of me!"
- Today, the big day boss texts her at like 11AM and says "hey since this is supposed to be a celebration, don't drive! I'll send a car service for you!" Fiance still doesn't smell anything fishy so I ask her just for my own edification ask what he says if she tells him "that's a great offer, but my fiance knows the restaurant and he can drive me." Boss replies back in seconds "sorry if I had to change restaurants at the last minute, I'll send the car!"
My fiancé looks at me, apparently without the screeching submarine klaxon and klieg lights that are going off in my head, and says "see it's all cool, I'll just take the car service."
I'm freaking the fuck out. I told her that she can't go. She called me a controlling asshole. I told her that this whole thing has bene shady as fuck and I relayed out the timeline I just posted above using my texts and emails from her as evidence. She said that me "hoarding evidence" like this is an example of how I'm a "controlling asshole" and she wants to go to the dinner now more than ever. I told her I might be an asshole but I'm not stupid.
She told me over and over again "he's married, he CAN'T do anything that would affect his marriage, so you're being the stupid one!" That leads me to believe that even she understands the larger implications that are at play here.
She locked herself in our bedroom and hasn't come out for at least an hour.
I don't know what to do. I can't beat the door down or yell at her and I think if this is one of those situations where the shoe was on the other foot, she'd be freaking the fuck out and I'd see her reaction and just call it off.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
xLovkxClGbd8lb3Ypf1PekAsYNkO1D9d
|
9y0mq1
|
{
"description": "making my best friend upset after telling him what another friend said about him to me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making my best friend upset after telling him what another friend said about him to me?
|
Context: This happened in high school. I'm currently in college now. We (me and my bff) made up a week after this incident occurred, but I felt like I never gotten the validation (or invalidation) from my actions so what better way than asking Reddit? Also, the best friend in question has another issue that would be great for another post on this subreddit, but I'll console the internet again if it's eating me like today's scenario is.
I've been best friends with this guy ever since I got transferred to the same grade school as him. We've been inseparable all throughout our school lives and I was very happy that we went to the same middle and high school together. We never really had a major issue of conflict until around sophomore year of HS.
He comes to me seeking comfort or advice when something goes wrong in his life. I don't really stick my nose where it doesn't belong, but he's my best friend so I'm going to stick by his side no matter what. I never hesitated to be there for him when he tells me things no one else knows, even his own family or his boyfriend at the time! This is how he came out to be as not only gay but transgender as well. The latter will come into play later on. Of course, I supported him wholeheartedly. I didn't really get it at the time, and everything made sense later on my journey of identity. Anyways, moving on!
During our time in high school, we became acquainted with this pair of twins, but the conflict of the story involves only one of them since I had more classes with her than my bff did so I think we got along a little better than she did with him.
One day she gave me a piece of cryptid piece of paper and told me to look at it when I got home and come back to her once I decoded it. I didn't get why she couldn't just tell me straight up what's wrong, not to mention we sit next to each other in the next class, but whatever. Took me some time to crack most of it and tl;dr my friend doesn't believe that my bff is really transgender and that he's doing it for attention. Of course, I was shocked and appalled by this bold accusation and confronted her about it.
She told me to not tell him what she said. I immediately told him when we met for lunch. I couldn't bear hiding this knowledge from him and normally I would've asked my mom for this kind of advice at the time, but it became too much to wait it out. Not to mention it could've been worse if I told him earlier. All he did was reply with, "I know." and stormed off without a word. When I got home I got a call from that friend who asked me why did I do that. I can't remember how I replied exactly, but I do know that I was in a complete state of despair and just a crying mess over the situation.
So Reddit, am I the asshole for being an honest friend? Or am I the asshole for not keeping an incriminating secret from my best friend? My bff and I haven't really talked to each other ever since we graduated. In case if you're wondering, the other friend transferred somewhere else before junior year started since she had a medical issue since birth that she was getting surgery for around that time, so I assumed she wanted to focus on her recovery. I know her family runs a store nearby that I can walk to any time, but I never really had a proper reason to go inside. I highly doubt both of them will see this, let alone use reddit, so that's why I'm not using a throwaway.
tl;dr my best friend since grade school came out to me as transgender in high school. A mutual friend told me that he might be doing it for the attention and I should not tell him she said that. I told him as soon as I saw him since I couldn't bear the guilt and he didn't talk to me for a week. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
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|
ap7xff
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be friends with someone because of one thing they did",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be friends with someone because of one thing they did?
|
Kind of preemptive seeing as no real conflict has happened, but my best friend (we'll call him Jake) recently has been hanging out with one of his female coworkers, and so she's been hanging out with me subsequently, and her and i are now considered "friends" although not close ones.
Now this girl has a huge crush on him, i know cause he's told me that they talked about it. So she knows he and i know and its chill.
However there was one day that i was hanging out with Jake and a couple others when she texts me high off her ass and says "Hi, [my name]" i say hi back and she says "is Jake there? I wanna talk to him" i say yes and she immediately calls my phone. This is because Jakes phone is dead. He answers and they talk about whatever and they hang up.
This kinda makes me upset, not enough to be in a bad mood but enough that I don't like hanging out with her as much. Jake even make a joking remark saying "how does it feel to be the third wheel when she's not even here" which while a funny joke, is very true.
So AITA for not wanting to hang out with her?
TLDR: my friends coworker and i are friends until one day she uses me as a means to talk to him while barely acknowledging me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
xN2ZAyGkrYL3u5hBaOpMITgP4056YH7x
|
b927pt
|
{
"description": "not doing my \"job\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not doing my "job"?
|
Some background info:
So for the past few years, I've been working for my school's intramurals sports program [where students get to play against eachother] as a supervisor and volleyball referee, because A, I'm actually a certified referee, and B, I get to play during downtime. Whenever there aren't enough players to play or the game is forfeited, my school's policy is to simply cut the game off and have the folks go back home because they've already technically won. However, these students took a while to get to the gym because it's all the way on the west side of Manhattan, while the school is in the Lower East Side [hint hint], so I usually give them the court to play on for fun, and there's usually some players from other games and whatnot who are down to play. I am in no obligation to referee the match, because in the end, it isn't an official match.
Now the other day, some students were playing around because of forfeits and it was an open court for them to play on. My staff and I were hanging out, doing our thing, because we're friends. One girl comes up to me, lets call her Sally, and asks if I could keep score on the match that they had been playing for fun. This was within the last timeframe of the games for the night, and by then it was already almost 10PM. Keeping score would mean that they would not be able to leave until the match was over and that would take a while, because when the athletes aren't exactly athletes, the game simply becomes a back and forth exchange of points. I knew my staff of freshmen and sophomores [I'm a senior] had things to do after, and they were quite uneasy at the thought of getting out late. So I turned to Sally and I flat out told her "no". She said something along the lines of "well you're paid to be here so why don't you do your job?" That part is *not* part of my job description, and if I really was being an ass, I would have just dismissed them and called it a night, so my staff and I could get home, none of which I chose to mention. I told Sally our job was to referee matches and make sure no one hurt themselves, which we were all doing. She scoffed visibly and obviously did not hide her discontent with me. My staff recommended that I just kicked them off and called it a night, which is technically what I'm obligated to do, but I chose not to, because I had a long drive home and felt like this was the last thing I wanted to think about on the way. So we ended perhaps around 10 minutes later, which the girl's team ended up taking 20 minutes to pack up and leave, because they felt petty for the time being. I overheard her calling me "rude" and "pointless" for the night but I kept my lips shut. When I saw them leaving, I cheerily said "goodnightttt" as I hopped in my car, and drove my staff to their dorms as a thank you for holding down the fort.
So, AITA here for not being nice enough?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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Md2xHAkRYUhfQ8CjD7FEAwXCYq0CMgXr
|
asy2q7
|
{
"description": "not wanting to change my kids shared care schedule for my new partner",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to change my kids shared care schedule for my new partner?
|
This is way past history for me. No longer with this person for other reasons but quite curious what you all might think.
I'll try and keep this as objective as possible and try to just keep it to the facts of what happened.
I'd been partnered up with this person a little over a year. We had shifted into a house together. She had a kid, I had three.
I had/have a shared care arrangement with my ex wife. It's bit unorthodox but basically every other weekend and every Wednesday night the kids stay with me. Ex wife, kids and I were all happy with this. We'd been doing it for several years.
As well as this, for every day every other week I'd take the kids after work and give them dinner at my place, then return them home at around 7:30pm. A bit of a strange schedule but it worked for us. (She had her child on a regular week-about schedule.)
A point to note is the new house was further away from my ex than my previous house. So the commute to take the kids home each night was a bit longer.
After a while my new partner voiced her frustration with the schedule, saying it was hard to organise things when the kids had to leave early each night.
It then came to a point where she asked me to change the schedule to a classic week-about arrangement. She directed it solely at me so I guess I was supposed to say "okay" and then convince the kids and the ex that this was a good plan.
I was very much against it saying that the kids, ex and I were all quite happy with how things were and didn't really want to change it. She wasn't very happy about that.
We were seeing a relationship counselor at the time (things weren't great between us), and I wont' say the counselor took her side but it felt like it. He agreed that we should change the schedule. I felt hurt that the counselor would jump to that decision so easily without weighing up that there were more people involved here than just my partner and I.
Anyway, was I the asshole for not wanting to change the schedule?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
rBLTbtYv9zlJIxvNpH2Z61kA7QAo6Q4W
|
b8e8xm
|
{
"description": "throwing away my wrapped sanitary pad in the trash can out in the café because the bathroom trash can was overflowing already",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for throwing away my wrapped sanitary pad in the trash can out in the café because the bathroom trash can was overflowing already?
|
Ok, I guess I’m still a little upset over my friend’s reaction to something so small. And it wasn’t like I intended to gross her out.
So I was meeting my friend at a café today. This place was pretty packed and busy, and not the cleanest. There were little fruit flies over the trash cans, and the restrooms can use more frequent cleaning.
Anyway, it was a heavy, heavy, heavy flow day for me and I couldn’t wait until I got home to change the pad. So I used the ladies’ room at the café. I wrapped the used pad in wrapper and intended to discard it in the trash. Unfortunately, the trash can was already overflowing with paper towels and other trash. So I took it out to the trash can by the drink counter/café entrance and disposed of it there. Well I didn’t know the wrapper had unraveled and the super soaked pad was fully exposed. She came back to the table complaining that some asshole threw her pad unwrapped (it WAS wrapped!) by the food counter and “period fruit flies” were buzzing all over it.
I mean, I get that it wasn’t the ideal situation but the trash can in the ladies room was already overflowing! I just felt she was being super dramatic and was overreacting a little bit. And no I didn’t tell her it was me. I mean, am I right to be a little peeved by her drama?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
m5lD22aAy0DTBeJBS9MNtoRK1CkNJT7M
|
b97j4h
|
{
"description": "being annoyed my fiancé's grandpas funeral",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being annoyed my fiancé’s grandpas funeral?
|
Alright Reddit, throwaway because my other account is quite active however I’ll show my fiancé this question afterward.
So long story short I’ve been with my fiancé for 7 years and we are getting married in June. We’ve been engaged for a year and a half and his family hasn’t been overly involved in wedding planning despite our encouragement. Which is fine, kinda sucks but whatevs some people aren’t into that it is what it is.
So my wedding shower was planned MONTHS in advance because my SO’s family is from out of town and I wanted them to be able to make time to come. Immediately after invited went out, all of his mothers side said they couldn’t come and they would host a shower in their town for me a few weekend later. (Which I at first was excited about but a tad bummed as I wanted at least his mom to join but still, they’re celebrating in their own way) I should also note that we all regularly travel the 8 hour distance for various events throughout the year at various intervals but their grandpa is sick and they didn’t know if they could make it.
We were in town about a month ago (with the shower scheduled two weeks after- and the second shower scheduled a week after that) and visited everyone including sick grandfather. Well, grandfather passed and we figure they’ll plan the funeral for the weekend of their families hosted shower since all the family was already going to be in town. I should note my actual shower (in our town) is co-Ed since none of his family could come we wanted the groom, and his groomsmen, siblings, etc to be able to join!
Anyway we got word that the funeral was going to be the DAY of my shower (the actual shower). Since I have other family coming from out of town I cannot attend the funeral but we decided SO should obviously 100% go. But we are just wondering if we are being butt hurt for no reason.
We 100% get the family is grieving and will not be bringing this up but we sort of feel slighted because they knew about this event months in advance and already haven’t been involved it seems sort of like a slap in the face especially because the town it is in has one flight per day so we can’t even try and accommodate both events (which we wanted) or assumed it would be the day prior or after so again we could do both.
So?
Are we the Assholes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
aycih1
|
{
"description": "not lending someone with cancer money",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA if I won't lend someone with cancer money?
|
Don't think it's as straightforward as it sounds.
I had a friend in hospital a few years ago. We were both on the same ward and helped each other through some really tough stuff. We're very different people, but I do have a lot of love for her.
We lost contact for a few years, both living very differently.
She came back in contact two days ago saying how much she loves me and misses me. Tells me I'm one of her favourite people. All real heartwarming. She is struggling with cancer now, which is obviously a really horrible thing. And I expressed my concern for her and how I was here if she needed a shoulder. Or anything.
Yesterday she messages me asking for £20 to get her prescription. This doesn't sound right with me.
1) in the UK prescriptions cost less than £10 to collect. But I'm also fairly certain if you have cancer you don't have to pay for prescriptions.
2) she borrowed a similar amount a few years back, I'm unsure exactly on if I got it back. So don't want to focus on that too much incase I'm mistaken.
3) it starts me thinking how much she sounded like she might be on something last night on the phone. And I know she's had quite a coke habit in the past, and also spent a lot of time on large doses of tramadol.
I replied explaining that I'd lent my sister rent money this month, and was struggling to support myself and my fiance until payday (as he is waiting to start a new position).
I feel like an asshole though. I have £20. I could lend her it. What if I'm being way too presumptuous? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
i0tWZFbjtrUgtLoE7YbSdlU6Eoxqgf81
|
b94xuk
|
{
"description": "\"skipping\" the line at a MTA bus stop",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA because I "skipped" the line at a MTA bus stop?
|
I live in NY and was just getting off the train and the bus stop is literally right there. So I saw the bus coming and stood in the little seat area next to a woman, and the bus stopped in front of me so I got on and got one of the solo seats. 2 minutes later, some guy walks past me saying "I guess you didn't see the line right in front of you" as he walked past.
​
1. No I didn't actually because I had just got off the train
2. As far as I've always known, at a bus stop its a first come first serve. I have never seen a worker regulate the bus stop into a line, I have never observed anyone actually respecting a line except for maybe in Manhattan.
​
Am I the asshole in this situation for not respecting a socially constructed line because I was in a hurry?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
zqphAb5UMXdHwp3nxAybqS56Zot2fBxH
|
axep89
|
{
"description": "cutting a family in line because they were taking forever",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for cutting a family in line because they were taking forever?
|
My husband and I went to Sweet Tomatoes this past weekend. If you don’t know, it’s a buffet type place that first you go through a salad bar, then pay, then you have access to the rest of the options.
It was pretty busy and there was a sign at the front that said after you paid, you would have to wait to be seated. It’s normally seat yourself. So there are two line options and we picked the one with just one family ahead of us because we were really hungry. Turns out the other line would have been quicker. their kid could barely reach the salad bar. (I’m guessing about 6 or 7 years old idk were expecting our first kid now and don’t really know enough to properly guess ages) So that was taking awhile because she couldn’t really reach and I get that they’re trying to teach her responsibility but it seemed inconsiderate to those behind them (us and an elderly couple at that point.) The parents were also having multiple discussions on what should go on her plate. “That’s not enough Lima beans.” “She needs more lettuce.”
Anyway we had gotten everything we needed on the salad bar and were just waiting on them. This has happened before and usually people notice and tell us we can go around. They don’t but we’re starving and anticipating a bit of a wait (not super long as we can some tables clearing already) so we went around not thinking much of it. The elderly couple behind us followed suit. We paid and were waiting at the end of the counter when finally the family got to the end to pay and the mother “told on us” to the cashier. She told him that we and the elderly couple had skipped them and they should’ve seated first. She complained that they were trying to teach their daughter about nutrition and we should’ve been patient.
The guy basically ignored her and we were seated first, but when I saw how embarrassed the daughter was I started to feel bad. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
inyGHhiBynmu28saC8NF2uwFKNNlnuqS
|
a710p8
|
{
"description": "potentially ruining the relationship between my mother and her sister",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for potentially ruining the relationship between my mother and her sister?
|
I found out a couple of days ago that my cousin stole cryptocurrencies from me and I have been able to prove most of it. He will not admit it yet is offering to pay me back the funds. He at first demanded an apology from me for accusing him, then shifted his tone once I told him I'd been able to pin down some of the transactions back to accounts he'd used in the past. Unfortunately, he won't admit it until he sees the proof..
My cousin's relationship with my brother has already been ruined by episodes like this over the past few years, where my cousin has been distrustful, a thief and manipulative. My mother also does not trust him and has her own theories about things he may have done.
His mother, father and him were due to come over to our families for Xmas lunch. He has now decided not to come (which in my opinion is the correct decision). He obviously won't tell his Mom about the situation between both of us now so she will likely think it's my brother's fault he is not coming. My mom has asked me to text him, to thank him for reimbursing me (despite not admitting it) and say we should let this slide for Xmas. However, I cannot do that.
This is all likely to snowball and cause a rift between my Mum and her sister, who are very close.
AITA for a) not waiting until after Xmas to do all of this and b) not wanting to forgive him so soon?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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arz6qi
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{
"description": "not giving my gf a free pass on her vacation",
"pronormative_score": 148,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not giving my gf a free pass on her vacation?
|
My girlfriend is going on vacation and asked me the other day if she has free pass for surfer dudes from me. I told her I don't give her a free pass for this because to me it feels like cheating. After explaining that I would be broken if she would do it she told me she thinks it isn't cheating to her if you are on vacation and in another country because "it is living in the moment". At the end she told me she can't promise me anything and she is just gonna see there what see will do in the moment.
Please help me reddit, AITA because I've been feeling like it for the last few days
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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asvtd9
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{
"description": "getting a bit snarky at my Mum at a restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting a bit snarky at my Mum at a restaurant?
|
This story happened a couple of months ago, so some of the details are a little foggy. On mobile, formatting etc.
So, me and my little sister have piano lessons on Thursdays. We were coming to the end of the Christmas term, and the teacher had told my Mum last week that the next lesson was the last one before Christmas. In between hearing this and writing it down, my Mum must have got the weeks mixed up.
So the week after this, the teacher arrives. My Mum and my Sister had just left for the shop, and I assumed they’d be back shortly. Normally I have a half hour lesson, and then my sister also has one. Forty minutes later, I give my Mum a phone call. She tells me she is at [big shopping centre 45 minutes away], and that we don’t have a lesson that day. I sighed, explained the situation to her, and finished off the lesson (using my sister’s time).
About ten minutes after the teacher has left, I get another call from my Mum, in which she apologised profusely, and told me that she would take me to a moderately famous British restaurant chain which sells spicy chicken and also rhymes with Man Toes. She said we would meet there in about 45 minutes. I agreed, and caught the bus there.
I was actually worried about being about five minutes late (I don’t like being late, and I prefer others to show the same courtesy as me in arriving to arrangements on time). When I’m a couple of minutes away, I get a call from my sister, informing me their going to be about twenty minutes late. I’m annoyed by, but regrettably used to my Mum’s serial tardiness. So I getup the queue for a table, and wait for them. Fifteen minutes later, I get another call, saying they’ll be another twenty minutes to half an hour. I get a table, and start scrounging money from my wallet, and seeing what could work with the fifteen or so pounds I had on me.
Shortly before my food arrived, my Mum and sister arrive. I check the time, and they’re almost an hour late from when they were originally supposed to meet me. I’m pissed, and make a lot of snarky comments. Here’s a few examples. Me is Me, and M is Mum.
M: So we were actually quite stressed in the car, because I-
Me: Not stressed enough to leave earlier though?
The absolute gem
Me: (in a snarky way) Please could you pay me back for this food, as I’m actually a bit low on cash.
M: Well I don’t want to now.
As well as
Me: You do know you’re fifty minutes late, right?
Eventually my Mum told me that if I made one more comment I’d be grounded. Her and my sister later called me “Grouchy Ves”, which pissed me off no end.
I later found out from my sister that the traffic wasn’t insane. It was still pretty bad, but they only set off 5 minutes before we were supposed to meet.
We still have disagreements about this day. My Mum calls me a “moody teenager”, which I agree with, and I feel I was totally justified in being moody - this was supposed to be a make-up kind of thing, and she couldn’t even be arsed to show up on time.
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HISTORICAL
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atmrsz
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{
"description": "not playing along when I know that my girlfriend means something other than what she says",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for not playing along when I know that my girlfriend means something other than what she says?
|
This happens a lot, but it's a very specific example... She will start a conversation with the phrase "should we" when what she actually mean is "can you". Examples: "Should we order pizza soon?" "Should we talk to the children about their bad habits?" And I know she's asking me to do it myself but I always answer something like "Yeah I don't have a problem if you want to do that." And then nobody does the thing because neither of us actually requested or offered. I'm asking because I know I get a little frustrated whenever she does this and I can't really tell if I'm being righteous or just petty.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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anm7j6
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{
"description": "faking orgasms",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for faking orgasms.
|
Am I the asshole for faking orgasms with my wife?
When I was very young I have two major issues that damaged my penis and my ability to feel sexual pleasure. I was born with a deviation in my penis head that had to be corrected with surgery and when I was eight I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor who burned my penis with fire. Both of these incidents left me with a lot of scarring around the head of my penis that prevents a good amount of sexual feeling.
There are days where I just will not have an orgasm no matter what and I have explained this to her many times. I’ve told her that it’s no an issue with her it’s a problem with me that I can’t change. She gets so upset and takes it so personally when I don’t orgasm that I eventually started faking them when I wasn’t going to have them. She seems to be stuck in this mindset that she’s less of a woman if she can’t make her man cum every time, and it depresses her for days.
Even sense I started doing this she’s been much happier and frankly so have I because shes not depressed all the time, but in the back of my mind I feel bad for lying to her.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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WEHnjr4x7aevdErsNwV8ULPQ2RQbyao9
|
av1its
|
{
"description": "leaving my group early during a presentation project to do a solo project",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for leaving my group early during a presentation project to do a solo project
|
My group had a really boring project and on the day after we chose groups I left them to do my own presentation on nuclear energy ( they had composting).
I feel bad because now the two of them won’t have help with making a presentation , but I can’t tell if I should bad for leaving them to do a project all on my own, I left because I wasnt passionate about the project they wanted but I was passionate about presenting on nuclear energy and knew I would get a better grade if I did something I enjoyed.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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muhiEgEx8082I0ozjyyPzOaGooEuN7KQ
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9u4gou
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{
"description": "not wanting someone to bring their kid to dinner",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting someone to bring their kid to dinner.
|
I run a social group for women in my area.
I advertise the group as for women in their 20s and 30s.
We meet, have dinner, go to the cinema and get drinks. It’s been a lovely way of meeting friends and the group is really growing.
Cut to this week, I’ve organised dinner. A late dinner at 8pm. A girl that has never RSVPed before to any event has said she is coming. Great! We love new members.
Then she posts on the group
‘Is it okay to bring my 1 year old with me to dinner, I don’t have a babysitter’
No it is absolutely not ok. No one wants to go out for dinner as a group of girls and have a screaming kid that we don’t know on our table.
But how on earth do I say that without looking an asshole? Or am I an asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "crashing my High School prom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I crashed my High School Prom?
|
I know I just made a post on here, but I'll post another anyways. I'm, as of a little while ago, single and in my final year of high school. I narrowly lost Prom King, but that was okay because I decided I didn't want to go alone anyways. Prom was something me and my ex were always super excited for, and so thinking about going without her and potentially seeing her there in the dress I bought her definitely secured my not going. However, I have been begged by lifelong friends coming out of the woodwork to reunite the "Boyzzzzz", a middle school group of people I was something of a kingpin of. The proposed crashing wouldn't be disruptive or rude, but my friends are convinced they can bribe or convince the DJ to play Beyonce's Single Ladies and for us to do a choreographed dance. Because my tux has been through hell and back, I no longer have a matching jacket or shoes, so the proposed outfit for me to wear would be the one pictured here that I wore for a middle school concert:
[https://scontent.find1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/12799171\_1532252543744042\_396304499616322027\_n.jpg?\_nc\_cat=102&\_nc\_ht=scontent.find1-1.fna&oh=ec576ce14e4497a6f6635b3b2eb64268&oe=5D061746](https://scontent.find1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/12799171_1532252543744042_396304499616322027_n.jpg?_nc_cat=102&_nc_ht=scontent.find1-1.fna&oh=ec576ce14e4497a6f6635b3b2eb64268&oe=5D061746)
with some alterations for flair. Several other hijinks were planned throughout the event. However, we have a pretty nice school and a very formal prom, and I don't want to ruin it for others with essentially a series of annoying inside jokes. Would I be the asshole for going through with the Boyzzzzz?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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a04l2f
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{
"description": "refusing to say \"bless you\" when someone sneezes, and also telling others to not bless me when I sneeze",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for refusing to say "bless you" when someone sneezes, and also telling others to not bless me when i sneeze?
|
Growing up I never thought about it, and it felt so natural to say it or hear it. But after understanding the history about it and where the saying originated from I have felt very different about wanting to "bless" others just because they sneeze.
I don't have any negative feelings towards religious beliefs or sayings, but I'm not a religious person myself. I just refuse to live by this norm that you have to say it when people sneeze otherwise you come across as the rude person.
I've had arguments with my partner who thinks differently about this, but I believe that it's important to understand the meaning of what you say when you say it. Otherwise what's the point of speaking at all. We might as well just speak in gibberish if we don't really understand why we say things to each other.
I digress though, I will often tell my family and friends to not bless me, and have to explain myself afterwards. But I haven't felt comfortable telling my co-workers to not bless me around the office yet. I've gotten to the stage where I am uncomfortable having to thank people for "blessing" me. It just doesn't feel right.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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9yh5ku
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{
"description": "breaking her bong",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for breaking her bong?
|
In highschool my friend (15M and a person (15F) that I had never hung out with came over to smoke weed.
The person that I had never hung out with smoked poppers (weed and tobacco in a water pipe), and asked me if she could take one inside because it was the middle of winter, I reluctantly said she could take ONE, and that she had to put her mouth right up to the screen of the window and blow it outside, I also explained that my mom was coming home in 3 hours and I couldnt have the house smell.
So, what does this sociopathic slug do next? She sits down on my bed, takes the (large) popper, and as I turn around to face her she blows the massive plume of popper smoke right into the middle of my room, not even in the direction of where the window was.
I yelled "WHAT THE FUCK?!" and she just looked at me confused, as if she didn't know what could have possibly bothered me. I grabbed the water pipe (small, maybe 30-40$) that she brought herself and threw it out the open window, hearing it break as it hit the ground on the other side of my backyard fence.
Now she was the angry one, "Oh my god why did you do thaaaatttttt" "what the fuck is wrong with yoooouuuuuu", I replied "your backback is next" and she quickly got up and left my house, I of course walked her out to make sure she didn't knock over a TV or something.
Moral of the story? Never trust a slug.
Also, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
ab4tu8
|
{
"description": "not telling my grandpa I am transgender",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA: For not telling my grandpa I am transgender?
|
My uncle has very clearly told me he is against gay, lesbian, bi, and trans people. Tbh the man is semi racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, And set in his ways. If I was to tell him he would certainly never talk to me again and tell the rest of my family. He would also definitely take me off the will. I am certain he is gonna be around a while so I kinda hope just to avoid talking to him. He definitely plans on being a part of my life for graduation and stuff, which I can handle, but if I told him there would certainly be drama.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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0jPiE6RkLnl0Bbn8w8g9rEZQ5HV8lhOf
|
ar2k89
|
{
"description": "getting mad at a customer",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at a customer
|
So I work at a fast food restaurant and I only had a couple of minutes left on my break so I used the restroom which only has one bathroom stall and urinal btw. So while I was using the urinal and a customer came in the restroom to wash his hands and I got scared since it was very unexpected. I also forgot to mention that our bathroom has a lock that needs a code to unlock it. So he came in and I told him “Sir can you please get out, I’m using the restroom” and he was shocked and said “So only 1 person can be here?” I said yes and then he said “Well there’s no sign that says it!” I was so mad and I just left the bathroom. He kept on staring at me and he then complained to my manager. I didn’t get in trouble but I was still mad. It made me so uncomfortable that someone just barged into the bathroom without knocking while someone was using it and then getting mad that I said that this was a single bathroom. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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AD7YRy98OeciNTw6fteoWuvKfihpNNVz
|
b2omsy
|
{
"description": "feeling like my partner expects me to mother him",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling like my partner expects me to mother him?
|
I'm (20NB) and he's (20M). We moved in together in February this year. It's going well and we've gotten through a lot as a couple (our communication is much better, we've supported each other through the passing away of his close friend and my depression last year) so we're in it for the long run. This is not something I would consider breaking up over but I would like to know everyone's thoughts on it.
So we've divided up our house chores since we moved in together, we take it in turns putting out/bringing in the washing and doing the dishes. We both work part time around our full time studies (he works both weekend days, I do Sunday and Tuesday), we both do physically demanding work so we're both pretty tired afterwards and don't always feel like doing the chores.
This has arisen since I used to do most of the housework and he worked, but now that I've gotten a job this has changed (I still recognise that 2 days in a row is more tiresome than my work schedule).
Now onto the example, so this week he took up an extra day of work on the Monday, so 3 days in a row. I had put the washing out Thursday and asked if he could bring it in on Friday. He said he'd do it Saturday after work and I offered to help since I knew he'd be tired.
I spent much of Saturday doing housework and had a pretty rough day since the shooting in Christchurch has torn us all up (he has family and friends there who are all thankfully accounted for), I feel this might be relevant as it's a huge emotional strain on everyone. So the last thing on my mind was bringing the washing in/ reminding him.
I had a conversation with him on Monday night (yesterday) about how I feel like I often have to remind him to do chores. I feel like I've become a lot better at not nagging since seeing a counselor, but it does bother me that he doesn't seem to do the chores of his own accord (sometimes he does). I feel like he doesn't compromise by doing things of his own accord even though I've communicated how important it is to me.
He said last night that he feels like I should be able to call him out for not doing washing ect. Since we're a couple, and I asked what he ever needs to nag me for if this goes both ways (the only thing he could think of was when I don't want to go to uni and he encourages me to, but I don't feel like that's the same since the chores are both our responsibility, not just mine).
I told him I didn't want to have to remind him to do the chores since I feel like a nagging mother, and I also don't want to have to organise when to remind him to do his chores around mine, I want it to just be his thing and I do my bit and not have to worry.
So, AITA for feeling like he expects me to mother him?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aq8cqf
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{
"description": "not being able to work with this mom to babysit",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being able to work with this mom to babysit?
|
So I babysit here and there for a family but haven’t in a few months because they would only hit me up last minute then be frustrated when I couldn’t do it or if I had to cancel because I was sick (it’s happened once) they called it “bailing” and were angry with me. I’ve missed the kids a lot but figured the parents would come around or not. This past weekend they hit me up to ask if I could babysit their youngest for a few hours mid-week and I said I’d love to. I was so happy they’d actually asked ahead of time so I could do it. The past few days I’ve been dealing with a sinus infection, so while not contagious or “sick” I’ve felt a bit crappy but knew with ibuprofen I’d be ok watching one toddler.
Last night the mom texted and said “Could you stay later tomorrow? I had an appointment come up later in the day and also I’m keeping my other daughter home since she’s running a fever. Does that all work for you?” The appointment made the babysitting go from maybe 4 hours to over 7 and now with two kids, one of whom is sick. I wrote back and said I wasn’t feeling 100% myself and had thought I could handle the one ok for a few hours but couldn’t do all day and both kids, especially if one is sick. And that I (actually do) have a doctors appointment this afternoon. She said she understood me not being able to stay late but that this was the second time I’d “bailed” on them (last time being when I was sick and I guess this time now) and she’d figure it out. I was frustrated because she was the one who changed all the circumstances, I could still watch the daughter, I wasn’t bailing, I just couldn’t do this new thing, I didn’t respond,
So AITA for not being able to do this today? This also isn’t the first time she’s sprang her child being sick on me. I’ve shown up for full days of watching to a very sick child more than a few times which is upsetting for the kid and not great for me as I can’t afford to be sick with this just being an occasional gig for me. I feel so bad for not being able to do it today and was so excited to babysit (and make some money) but worry I’m the asshole for not just rolling with everything. I know how hard it is for parents to find childcare but I’m not that bendable.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a9d4vw
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{
"description": "telling my parents that my brother shouldn't have been able to receive communion tonight",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my parents that my brother shouldn't have been able to receive communion tonight?
|
So I was raised Catholic but I don't consider myself one.
My parents are Catholic and tonight during midnight mass my youngest brother went up and recieved the bread/body of christ. Thing is though he hasn't had his first communion yet.
For those who don't know Roman Catholics literally believe that the bread and wine become the body and blood of christ. You have to take a class in order to be allowed to receive communion.
I don't agree with this which is why I left the church (among a few other reasons) but I respect it that I don't go up and receive communion because I know many devoted Catholics who truly believe in it.
My parents (who say they are devoted catholic) says that it's okay to receive communion without going to class while I said no. They said that I was being too rigid and "a pharisee" because I was saying they should follow this. I can understand not following EVERYTHING in any religion but this is literally one of the biggest things in Catholicism so I felt like this is one of those things which they should respect and follow.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ao2rsu
|
{
"description": "not being able to help my sister and not apologizing",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not being able to help my sister and not apologizing
|
So my little sister’s partner’s grandfather died a couple of weeks ago. This meant that my sister and his family had to drive five hours away for the funeral. When I heard the news I immediately text him my condolences. They weren’t close so he’s not distressed just sad.
I called my sister the next day (Wednesday) and we are chatting about how everyone is coping and funeral plans. She explains that it will be difficult for them since they have a 1 year old puppy and they usually leave her with his parents or in their fenced yard but neither are an option apparently.
All of a sudden my sister asked if I could maybe come down and house/dog sit. I said yeah I should be able to (thinking the funeral would be over the weekend). We chat about the puppy and then I ask her when she wants me to come down since I had to deliver some papers to the courthouse on Friday morning but would make the 1.5 hour drive that afternoon. She then informs me that the funeral is Friday and I would need to come Thursday afternoon. It is important to note that I share a car and would have to alter schedules to make Thursday work.
So I apologize for the confusion and told her I thought the funeral would be over the weekend and I am unable to help due to having prior plans. I forgot to mention the car because she started to tell me how she didn’t believe my “plans” and I was being selfish.
I genuinely care for her partner like a brother and wanted to help in a difficult time. I feel like I should have been clearer with why I couldn’t make it but she was really upset before I could explain.
She hasn’t spoken to me in over two weeks and she called my mom to vent and my mom explained the car situation but they both came to the conclusion that I’m being selfish because I could’ve put off my court papers and rented /borrowed a car. I have been texting her like usual with no response.
I tried to let it blow over because while I did say I’d help, it was five minutes before I knew the details and I had to get this particular errand done. I am getting irritated because she is trying to “teach me a lesson” with her silence according to my mom. I just don’t think I should apologize anymore in this situation. It was unfortunate that I couldn’t drop everything to make it down the next day even though I said I’d help but I don’t feel like that makes me selfish. Mom is trying to play peacemaker but it is frustrating that she agrees with both of us to our faces and is playing it kinda as a joke. Like I should have been more flexible and it’s funny my sister is being so dramatic. Not helpful.
I’d like to get past this but I don’t think I should give in because my sister had always been the dominant one and can be pretty moody so I usually end up apologizing but I just don’t think IATA here.
I’d appreciate some insight and if I am being selfish I will apologize. I just need some unbiased opinions.
Thanks!
Tl;dr : sister (25) is upset that I (27) said I would dog sit before knowing the details of when she needed my help. That was not great but she refuses to speak to me as a way to teach me a lesson about being selfish because she doesn’t think I had valid reasons not to help. I feel like it was an unfortunate situation but I don’t think I should apologize as I was willing to help if I could. Frustrated by mom’s attempt to play peacemaker.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
aoxrkd
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for a \"special school\" for my kid",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for a "special school" for my kid?
|
I have a kid and an ex who has primary custody. I only get to see my kid twice a month and my ex won't give me a minute more of time. She left me for another man and immediately started popping out his kids and left me as a single dad paying child support.
My kid is dyslexic and my ex wants to send him to a school for "special" kids. I don't want her to, but she got educational decisions in the custody arrangement so fuck me, I guess. She asked me to pay more to cover the tuition and I told her that's what child support is for. She says child support isn't enough, I said too bad, if you need more money from me you're burning through what I'm already giving you and it's not my problem. She called me an asshole and told me she's taking me back to court.
I don't know if she's going to follow through and if she does I'll fight it, but AITA for not giving her more money?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b26zzj
|
{
"description": "being mad at my boyfriend here",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my boyfriend here?
|
(Mobile sorry)
We aren’t gonna see each other for a month, and he doesn’t ever text me back anymore, so we aren’t going to talk for a month either.
Last time we saw each other (two days ago at school) I asked if he wanted to hang out after classes. Something lowkey, because I’m gonna miss him and just wanted to spend time with him alone.
He said yeah sure, and then went home after losing one of my textbooks that I let him borrow. I was upset, and I still am. He said we could hang out and then left without saying anything.
I texted him about this (he hasn’t responded and I doubt he will) saying I found the textbook and that if he didn’t want to hang out he could’ve said so.
Is it reasonable to be mad at him or am I just being clingy?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b1w6ba
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{
"description": "making up an excuse to not stay the night at my friend's house after I already got there",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making up an excuse to not stay the night at my friend's house after I already got there?
|
Okay I have this friend and we hang out often. She spent the night at my place a couple times no problem. Today I was supposed to stay the night at her house. I got there and it looked like a junkyard. There were tons of animals in small cages, horse poop everywhere and tons of random stuff thrown about outside. I go inside the house and it smells AWFUL. It was like being on hoarders buried alive show. The kitchen was so dirty and had crushed up pots and pans everywhere. There was also like no cell reception. I didn't want to be mean or offend her or her family so I texted my mom to make a fake emergency so I could leave. My dad came and got me a little bit after. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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arxlll
| null |
AITA last nigh, I drank my brothers alcohol. he was mad at me and is still mad, he threw all the alcohol that was in the house. he is 22.
|
I really wanted to try it once, it was in the fridge the whole time, whenever I open it, I just would get the urge to drink it. I was (still am) depressed/ stressed. I even smoked a lot more than usual. I am 15 btw.
​
when I drank the alcohol, I got drunk (more like wasted) and i told him a lot of things I guess, because he found out i smoke too. when i woke up, he already threw all the alcohol in the house and checked my bags if I had cigarette's.
​
ok, I only did it once, we were home, its not like I was in danger. he cooked this morning but I refused to eat, I feel like i am being to much of a burden for him and that he only pities me that's why he takes care of me.
​
he told me to never meet any of my school friends again, especially my ex.
​
AITA? isn't he overreacting?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
nDGEzoiGE7jHYeFwCou6JZqglhvTff6U
|
autsfq
|
{
"description": "wanting my parents to stay out of my school life",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for wanting my parents to stay out of my school life?
|
I don’t like my parents bugging me so much about my grades. Maybe if they weren’t always so pushy about it, possibly I’d actually care about my grades. Now, not saying my grades are bad, but like, I don’t like them constantly checking my grades. Isn’t a progress report every 6 weeks plenty? Thing is, my dad sorta works at the HS I go to.
Yeah.
It’s incredibly irritating to me, and I don’t like my parents getting involved in it, simply as I’m a rather reserved person. I’m strict about people touching my phone. I don’t like people on my laptop. Etc.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
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|
b8quoo
|
{
"description": "not inviting my Mum to my 25th birthday",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not inviting my Mum to my 25th Birthday
|
My mum hasn't been around much lately after her separation from my step-dad, and we've never been particularly close. This week she called me to say she was back in town after traveling around the country for a month or so.
She told me that over the weekend of my Birthday this year she was planning on going camping with some of her friends and invited me along. I told her sorry, but I can't go because I have my 25th birthday party that weekend (Nothing big just having friends over for drinks and some board games).
She then got upset at me that she wasn't invited to my Birthday, and for saying it would be weird for her to be there for me.
Ever since her and my Step-father seperated she's been drinking more, smoking more etc, and when she does this she becomes rude and obnoxious as she's always done, and in the past we've had our fair share of disagreements over her conduct and treatment of me. I didn't want to have to spend my entire 25th Birthday party making sure that a 50 year old divorcee didn't get too sloppy, or say something inappropriate.
AITA for saying it would be weird for me to invite her?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
acfps3
|
{
"description": "letting my drunk friend walk home alone while I stay out at the bar",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for letting my drunk friend walk home alone while I stay out at the bar?
|
This has happened a couple of times with my friend and each time we have argued about who is in the wrong.
In this particular case me and my friend (F) went out to the bars with some other friends of ours. I'm having a great time, and my friend was too.
Now my friend recently decided that she doesn't want to drink as much when she goes out, so she only had a couple drinks for the night. Her lack of drunked-ness coupled with her general dislike for "partying" as hard as me and the other people there made her want to tap out around 12:30 am or so.
She turns to me to say "Hey, I think I'm going to go home." I say something along the lines of "Okay, see you later!" I was having a blast and didn't want to leave so early.
She looks at me for a second, then heads out of the bar. I thought we were cool until the next morning and she tells me that I shouldn't have let her walk home alone. It is a long walk from the bar area to our place (maybe 20/30 min) , but she wasn't that drunk and I myself have made it home alone plenty of times before that, so I thought it was fine. I also mentioned that she could have taken an Uber if she was that scared to walk home alone, but she did make the fair point that it's a bummer to pay surge prices.
I just want to know once and for all if it's an asshole move to let a friend (especially female friend) walk home alone?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
8psKe3VopZl8y0X4BLGgqOSPrpZYt2La
|
b2ahig
|
{
"description": "trading phones with my grandma",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For trading phones with my grandma (S8 plus traded to S8)
|
OK so let me get a rundown of the story
My parents bought new phones (The recent S10 series) My parents let me inherit their old phone. Which are an S8 and a S8 Plus. My grandma who lives with us got the S8 from my mom and i got the S8 Plus from my dad. Considering that this is my first proper smartphone, I was exited. The S8 plus has a small crack in the corner but there was nothing too serious about it. I honestly preferred a smaller phone and, thought that my grandma would prefer the stronger and more powerful like the S8.
So I asked my grandma if we could trade phones. Note we did not have a phone number to those phones yet so they were just glorified tablets. We both had our own phones happily (S8 plus to my grandma and vanilla S8 for me) About a week later my mom finds out that me and my grandma did the dastardly illegal dead of "Trading phones" and started yelling at me for something between me and my grandma.
Idk lads am i the asshole
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
BjoIXYEurtbqvhRMiDhdeXBiKByq0Nnh
|
ayjsmn
|
{
"description": "trying to tell one of my peers to stop talking to my friend group",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for trying to tell one of my peers to stop talking to my friend group
|
Sorry for bad layout on mobile
I have someone in my year let's call him Tom
For background the school I moved to had noone I knew at it so I found it hard to fit in but I eventually got into a group of people with about 4 but sometimes tom would join in at first I had no problems with him but he started to do stuff like sing songs he knew me and my friends hated but you know I didn't mind he then started to do things like make fun of my height I'm pretty short compared to other people he also can't take a joke at all if you say anything not nice even as a joke to him he will immediately threaten to go to the princibale he is know for telling on everyone for everything
I've been told by other people that he has asked them weird stuff like for nudes which I disagree with he is just kind of a weird person he has also started a vlogging channel and uploads to tik tokme and my friends hate these forms of entertainment and have asked hi. To not talk about his follower/sub count which he brings up a lot
I asked my mother who is always amazing and very supportive and she told me to deal with him and that he just wants some friends I told her everything and she told me to deal with him pretty much
So WIBTA if I was to tell him to stop talking to me and my friends
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
tt17INEKKrJ92AxxmH830ykc07sPMEd2
|
ax21u1
|
{
"description": "not letting my so sell a concert ticket",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting my SO sell a concert ticket?
|
Last week concert tickets went on sale for one of my SO & I’s my favorite bands. We knew it would be in high demand, so we were both gonna be ready the second the tickets went on sale.
I downloaded the Ticketmaster app, and had my laptop open with 3 tabs on various browsers that I would try to refresh. He only was going to use his phone (on safari, so not even on the TM app, which I advised him against)
I end up getting thru and am able to secure 2 tickets for us, Ticketmaster crashed on his phone and he wasn’t able to get any tickets. Show sold out in like 3 minutes. He Venmoed me half for his ticket, everything is good.
Last night we were at a bar and a song from that band was playing, he mentions that if he can’t make it to the concert, he was gonna sell his ticket to a friend or try to turn a profit. (Currently, the tickets for that same show are on stubhub for 4x the price)
I told him that wouldn’t be possible.
1) the tickets are under a will call to be picked up by name.
2) the concert is 5 hours away, so if he does want to sell the ticket, that means I’d have to go alone, which I wouldn’t (my car wouldn’t make it on that road trip, I couldn’t afford to book a room alone, plus I just really wouldn’t wanna go alone in general)
I told him if he wasn’t going to go anymore, then I’d just pay him back what he paid me for his ticket and I’d try to see if one of my friends would join instead.
He got really angry, walked out on me in the bar, and said “it’s MY ticket. You can’t tell me what to do with it!!” Like it was really blown out of proportion how upset he got over it. It ended up being a big fight, but am I in the wrong? Is he entitled to do what he wants with it? Or is it mine?
TLDR: I got to concert tickets at a sold out show for my SO & I, he paid me back half. He says if he can’t go, he would sell the ticket to turn a profit. I said the tickets are mine and under my name, and I’d just pay him back the amount he gave me. He said it’s his and he’s entitled to do what he wants with it.
Using a throwaway btw.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
yTnCQpI815dnjFCoQGSTyi9HI6htFc0q
|
a15pv8
|
{
"description": "not wanting my abusive ex to change or be happy",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting my abusive ex to change or be happy
|
So, I was with a guy who was physically abusive (think black and blue eyes, kicking, shoving, etc.) and emotionally abusive to me. He also sexually assaulted me multiple times. He made me think it was somehow something that I did or how I acted that warranted him to treat me this way. Whenever I would try to leave, he would promise that he would change. He started going back on medication (he had made me believe I needed to go on medication and never told me that he had gone off of his) and started doing meditations and FINALLY went to therapy after an incident where he yelled at me on the street for no reason. I found out later that he had done something similar to someone else, except when she broke up with him, he ended up stalking her and pinning her down and forcing her to have sex with him. His dating history is littered with young women he emotionally abused in some way or the other. He also got into a fight with his sister and assaulted her, strangulation, and refuses to admit he did anything wrong. He has dragged her in the courts for over a year now because he refuses to plead guilty. I broke up with him. Two days later, he's with someone else and all of a sudden, I'm the one that was holding him back and I'm the one that was too hard on him because I couldn't forgive him for what he did to me and I'm the one that can't see that he's a better person and won't support him through his trial with his sister. He's telling everyone I was so hard on him for no reason and he's telling the new girl all these lies about his past and how I'm crazy, similar to what he told me about his previous exes. I want to be clear so I'm not completely one sided, after 2 years of the physical abuse, I did not trust him. I wanted him to prove that he was becoming a better person but I would catch him in small lies all the time. I was hard on him because I was scared but I just wanted him to be accountable. His sister's trial just killed any hope I had. For the last year I was with him, I was not the kind, supportive, and caring partner I wish I was. He hurt me and I wanted to make sure he was getting better and any small lie or problem would become a red flag in my eyes. I was still scared of him.
But here's the thing now, I definitely don't forgive him for what he did to me but I also don't want him to change or repent. I just want him to be shitty forever because if he changes that means that his life might get better and I want his life to be ruined by him the way he's ruined it the past 35 years. I want his punishment to be that he is a crappy human being forever. I'm terrified that one day he might actually change and that then allows him to find true happiness because I don't know if I can be okay with that. Whenever I hear about him still lying or doing his same old tricks, I get happy because that means he didn't change, even if that means that he's hurting and lying to other people. I feel like an asshole for feeling this way. I wish I could wish well on everyone, even the people who hurt me the most, but I can't wish well on him.
​
tldr: ex was physically and emotionally abusive to me, was shitty to multiple other women in this world, i broke up with him, now don't want him to find happiness ever even if that means he hurts other people
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
CdojApPxfJFxwPxUXYktF5Cu3a4hKmYL
|
ao52mb
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to tell me when she's going to hang out with guys",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend to tell me when she’s going to hang out with guys?
|
A little back story.
Me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship. It’s also on the down low so only the very important people know of our relationship.
Now, he friend she recently reconnected with invited her over for dinner at her house. She told me her friend will be bringing her other friend over for dinner as well and my SO said she doesn’t know if she was a guy or girl. After the dinner I ask how it went and she said good and told me about it and that’s was that. Fast forward to today when we called, she was telling me something and she mentioned the a guy was there and her friend was trying to get her with him (they think she’s single because we aren’t public with our relationship). I got upset she didn’t tell me and she said she didn’t think it was important and he hardly even spoke the whole night. I trust my girlfriend and her ability to handle situations. I wasn’t upset about her being around a guy, but upset at the fact she didn’t mention it when she had several chances to mention it. Her defence is that this seems like I’m not trusting her and she feels like she has to step on eggshells. That she has to go through a checklist when she goes out and that in parenting her. She was pretty mad at me. I just want to know if she’s with guys. She’s allowed to be with them, but for safety and general courtesy I want to know. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
FpcDpPW3s8DYJB4mQJA5mdSN3IOXmNXE
|
azexrv
|
{
"description": "telling my upstairs neighbours to shut their kids up",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I told my upstairs neighbours to shut their kids up?
|
I live in a flat, and recently we had some new upstairs neighbours move in. I haven’t met or seen them at all yet, but I’m about to lose my mind.
They clearly have a number of small children, which is fine. You expect some noise in a block of flats anyway, it can’t be helped, and I get that kids can be noisy but this is actual insanity.
From early morning to at least 10:30pm, every single day, they are tearing about the flat and screaming. Stomping SO loud non stop it’s all we can hear, and screaming and shouting and jumping, dragging or throwing things across the floor etc.
As I say, this happening occasionally is to be expected, I don’t expect a silent home when I live in a block of flats. But in my opinion this is happening beyond what would be considered reasonable.
It’s not normal walking footsteps, it’s loud, constant thudding and stamping. The screaming and shouting and crying is relentless and very piercing. And as I say, this goes on ALL day EVERY day and until way past 10pm every single night.
At a weekend I’m completely fine with noise (we have other neighbours that at a weekend regularly have loud parties until 5am and I never complain - it’s a weekend so crack on in my books); but during the week I think this is just rude and inconsiderate. There’s no longer a moment of peace in our flat.
I totally get that kids are a different ball game to parties, you can’t tell people to keep their kids silent. But I really feel like more could be done to at least minimise some of this noise, at the moment it sounds like these kids are allowed to constantly run absolute riot.
Would I be an asshole if I said something? Maybe a (very politely worded) note through the door? I know notes are a bit passive aggressive but I feel knocking on the door could be a bit confrontational...
My flatmate also finds this infuriating, but her view is “kids will be kids, we can’t tell them to shut their kids up, it’s asshole behaviour”. Whilst I would usually agree with this, for example I’d never complain about a crying newborn or something like that that can’t be helped, I think this is just unreasonable from the neighbours. If not the level of noise, at least the time of night it goes on to (and duration).
So, would I be a massive asshole for telling these new neighbours to rein their kids in before I actually lose my mind??!
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ehES1YTObygZOo0TAIiJG0a8lPrycdOU
|
ays52k
|
{
"description": "trying to work things out with an asshole",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to work things out with an asshole
|
AITA for trying to work things out with an asshole
**Background**:
**Mom**: 70 years
* Has dementia, 1.5 years ago scored 20 on the Montreal test, 8 months ago scored 10, still reasonable cognisant
* Got bipolar when was 30
* Divorced 18 years ago, moved in with Bob 3 years later, they never had carnal relations, nor slept in the same room
* Was living with Bob and two of Bob's family members until this happened
* Calls Bob the love of her life and very much cares for him
* Gave POA to myself & my sister
**Bob**: 55 years
* Anger management issues but, clearly cares for my mom
* On and off welfare, tough life
* Has been benefiting from the comforts of my mom having some money
* As my mom's situation has been deteriorating has been denying dementia
* Unilaterally changed her medication
* Sent many messages blaming both myself and my sister for the situation, angry messages, emotional blackmail, etc
**My sister & I**
* Long distance
* Families
* Careers
* Standard adult life problems
**The Question**:
So, basically what happened is that after Bob took my mom off Invega she inevitably relapsed into another bipolar episode. She went to the hospital and desperately wanted to go home (even though there was a clear issue with bipolar). The doctors and medical professionals decided that due to her mental health, lack of cleanliness and drug use in the house, and lack of a full-time caretaker she, needed to be in a care home. Bob found out about this and started freaking out 'you can't take her from me!'. He was banned from seeing her at the hospital. She was moved to a long term care facility (1.5-hour drive as it was the earliest available) and he continued to freak out (including many abusive/angry messages to me & my sister). He was banned from seeing her and all visitors are currently banned from seeing her. My sister, in the meantime, was dealing with police phone calls, the lawyer he sent, my mom's finances (which were apparently a major mess) and generally hates Bob at this point. Additionally, my mom is on a waiting list for a care home where my sister lives which would mean Bob & her friends for the past 15 years would never be able to see her.
So, in light of all this, I talked to my mom on the phone. She begged me to be allowed to talk to Bob. So I reached out to Bob and tried to get him to act like an adult (cease the abusive messages, withdraw the lawyer he sent after us). I got him on the phone with my mom by setting up a conference call and she was extremely grateful. As Bob has exhibited signs of adulthood, I've been trying to arrange for a reduction of the restrictions on him, and possibly move my mom into a close by care home. My sister does not appreciate this at all, and we've had a major conflict over me trying to work with Bob. Am I the asshole for trying to allow my mom to see her friends & the people she's lived with for 15 years even in the face of this behavior?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aE5g7ZcEMElR4Hiy8KdikTMUPUF7yXER
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b2nsus
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{
"description": "saying I won't scoop my own poo out of the toilet",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for saying I won't scoop my own poo out of the toilet?
|
Didn't know how to world the title so please bare with me. This is a serious post so please don't say that this is shp.
Bit of backstory: I live with my mum, and about a year ago our toilet broke. It would not flush properly anymore and the pipes would make this horrible churning sound when it actually did flush. I told her for months and months to get it fixed but she would just say that it was fine, she couldn't be bothered and it was too much hassle to try and get it fixed. It's not as if she did not have the money either, I even offered to pay for a plumber numerous times but she refused.
So then today, stepdad goes to the toilet and it gives up the goose completely. Mum said it's fine, and that we can just pour a jug of water down it when we go for a wee and that we'll have to put on a pair of gloves and scoop out the poo and put it in the bin when we go number 2. At this point I am completely floored. I ask her why we can't just call a plumber out, and offered to pay for one for her again, she wouldn't have to pay a single penny, but she says again that she doesn't want to because it's too much hassle and that she doesn't want to let a "strange man" into her house. We argue about it for a while, mainly because I just cannot see her reasoning behind not wanting to get a plumber, and that what she wanted us to do was very unhygienic and gross. I end up snapping at her after she shuts me down for what felt like the 100th time and said to her that I wasn't putting my hand down the toilet to scoop up my own shit, and that it will be her fault when the pipes burst and we'll have to rip up the whole floor to get it sorted, just because she wouldn't get a plumber out. She calls me a selfish bitch and storms off. Stepdad says I'm being unreasonable and then I immediately felt guilty for snapping at her.
I honestly feel like my head is screwed on backwards in this situation. I have no idea what is going on anymore.
So am I the asshole in this situation? Surely it's not a normal thing to do to have to pick your own feces out of the toilet and dispose of it yourself?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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EAJ8tnRX0Y50lD5nrEidvXfjBbckJqpR
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a342l8
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{
"description": "telling my old art teacher to shut the f**k up",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I told my old art teacher to Shut The F**K Up?
|
Okay maybe not that rudely, but holy fuck you can't have a civil conversation with her. She would always turn it into all about herself or an argument, you tired? Well too bad because no one is more tried than her, want to talk about the oppression of certain minorities? Nope, we are going to talk all about Ukraine (She is half Ukrainian, and I would have been okay to talk about the oppression of Ukraine... but she keeps talking about it and still does every time we talk about different cultures not relating to Ukraine).
I also taken to avoid talking about religion (She is a hardcore Christian) and T.V shows and comics with LGBT+ characters, relationships, and themes with her because she likes to argue and complain (and this is fine, but when you don't let others share their opinions than there is a problem). Oh, and biology (or science in general) because to her every woman wants to get pregnant and have a baby, and you are broken if you don't (one of the major things we disagree on). The only thing civil conversation I can have with her is about art.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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|
WRONG
|
TEI8YR3L8qHk8CQ88U8mFqN4jc2HNeMG
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b0kb97
|
{
"description": "talking to a guy my boyfriend doesn't want me to",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for talking to a guy my boyfriend doesn’t want me to?
|
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few years and we are always open with each other. We don’t really give each other stupid rules about who we can or can’t talk to except for a few occasions.
I ask him not to talk to this one girl that constantly broke his heart ( not a old girlfriend just some girl he liked) because she constantly made him feel bad about himself. That girl made it difficult to make him get into relationships so I don’t want her to make him feel bad. So he doesn’t talk to her. Both of us don’t like her and we stay away.
The guy my boyfriend wants me to stop talking to is one of his best friends. He thinks his friend is a huge asshole and whenever he is around , the friend makes him feel bad about himself ( not a good friend I know). Anyways , my BF constantly talks with this guy , plays video games and hang out but he hates when I talk to him.
It’s kinda hard for me not to talk to him considering he’s around so much and I feel like it’s not a fair standard. I asked him if I should just message him telling him I can’t talk to the friend anymore but my bf said that would be awkward.
So tonight we got in a fight because he’s mad I still talk to his friend and he said “ it’s fine because I finally accepted you won’t listen to me”. I got mad and o thinks it’s unfair that he still gets to hang out with him and it just makes it awkward for me because I’m not ‘allowed’ to talk to him. He won’t let me tell the friend I can’t talk to him , he just wants me to ignore him which I find pretty rude. I feel like if I ignore him that will create more drama. I don’t know what to do.
So AITA for still talking to my boyfriends friend even though he told me not to ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
hXDRM8DGVg3MLu7nxrmovnBqaql3DUlV
|
aqi27e
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{
"description": "not wanting my husband to work from home",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting my husband to work from home?
|
My husband has a very flexible job that usually allows for working from home several days per week. That's great, for several reasons, but it can also be difficult on both of us. Occasionally he has to do video calls, record meetings or interviews, and though he has an office room upstairs, noise can still reach.
We have 3 kids under 4 who are home most/all of the day, whom I look after primarily during workday hours. It's just plain noisy sometimes. I believe I strike a good balance between keeping the peace/choosing my battles and not spoiling them or letting them get away with bad behavior, so there's occasionally screaming, crying, fights, and tantrums. That's how babies and toddlers are (and my husband is around a lot and knows this well).
My husband has never gotten upset about the noise, but he will request we be quiet during times he's on a call, and send reminder texts to keep it down pretty much every time the volume goes up. This is stressful for me, because one, it's not like I enjoy the crying, I'm already trying my best to keep them calm anyway, not like I've forgotten, and two, I don't like feeling like a nuisance in our own house. I don't mind taking the kids out of the house during vital times either, but again, if they're all home it's not the easiest thing to keep them all safe and corralled outside either, and especially times weather is bad or I'm not feeling up to it.
(Another, smaller piece of why it can be extra stress when he's working at home is that he does create extra mess. He's conscientious enough, but if he's busy he might eat/drink and leave dishes in the kitchen, leave clothes not put away, small things like that. I like keeping the house fairly neat, and that's already a herculean effort with all the children around, so I don't appreciate extra clutter on top of that. I don't want to complain about this too much, since it's not a huge deal, I am cleaning anyway, and I'm happy to do so while he's the one doing all of the income-bringing work. So again, it's another place I'm not sure if I have the right to complain.)
So, I THINK I'm being fairly accommodating, to a reasonable extent. I do want my husband to enjoy the benefits of working from home, being able to wear comfy clothes, no commute, work in the comfort of his own space, etc., plus I benefit as well, if it's a less busy day and he's around to cook and eat together, play with kids together, and so on. But at the same time, it's often an additional stress on top of an already insane amount of stress I deal with every day being the primary kid watcher and work-from-home parent myself. I feel like, since he always has the option of going to the work office, or even elsewhere out of the house, if he needs absolute quiet, he should arrange ahead of time to leave, and if he chooses not to, he should not really have much complaint about the kids being noisy when I am also at least making an effort and he knows they're unpredictable little kids.
When I ask my husband what his plans are for the day, he sometimes asks or offers if I'd like him to leave the house. I already feel like too much an asshole to say "yes". But I'm not sure, so that's why I'm asking. I tried to represent both sides fairly and accurately. AITA for not wanting my husband to work from home all the time, and WIBTA if I said so?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
EzwZ6h7QQb0FrxScOgx2N4mf7Bt2bR4r
|
b1vj2h
|
{
"description": "hiding my son's sexuality from his father",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hiding my son's sexuality from his father?
|
My son's father and I have been divorced for 6 years. Our son (13) has been having some issues with mental health, and my ex and I are generally very good about communicating how our son is doing mentally when he's in the other's custody. Additionally, our son is being bullied pretty badly, and my ex and I talk a lot about that as well.
My son recently revealed to me that he is gay. I have not told his father because I don't want to betray my son's trust, even though my ex and I have a policy about being totally open regarding our son. AITA for not telling him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
slynSHPhMeyLO2swyrkoamhtWrkK0Xcp
|
ajwzhb
|
{
"description": "not giving my friends books during a fallout",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not giving my friends books during a fallout.
|
I'm going to be completely honest, this is solving an issue he and I are having, we both put full consent into this. Every single time we have a D&D session everyone including me pitches in 1-2$, so we can buy new books.
I put them on a bookshelf and my friends come over to grab books when they want. It's really convenient. He and a girl in a group (leaving the age out of it, it was legal though, so no worries), broke up after he cheated on her 2 times, he's guilty but is being outed out of the group (Not my choice, so don't use that against me) he probably donated a total of 50$ but constantly use the books, he always had at least 2 books, he did give them back though.
He now wants a couple books worth $145 total, even though he probably only pitched in 45-60$, which I find is ridiculous.
Am I the asshole for not giving him any of the books, I mean he used them for 2 years, which is great knowing we have 600$+ in books in our collection as we play different editions of D&D (Oldschool, 3.5e, 5e) so it's a big collection.
To conclude, ATIA for not giving him any books after the fallout as he used them over the two years. (Be honest, you don't have to be nice about it, let it all come out, thanks)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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T7283lkX2VZ6L6xliZ4QXr64UI6YbbMi
|
alj7g0
|
{
"description": "getting upset at my brother over the way he's treating our pets",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset at my brother over the way he's treating our pets?
|
I'm concerned. My dog was whining near the dinner table because she wanted food. She does this all the time and usually lets up if you tell her to. My brother was annoyed and decided instead to grab the scruff of her neck rather tightly for several minutes. She looked really uncomfortable and I said as calmly as I could "(Brother), let her go. She's fine." I had to say it a few times for him to stop.
​
I'm also concerned about the way he's treating one of our cats, Marcel. Marcel had an incident where he was scared by a contractor who entered through the basement storm doors, which is where his litter boxes are. This combined with pain from defecation (his stool was often bloody before we switched him to a higher protein food) has caused him not to defecate in the litter box. Instead, he goes on the cement floor in the basement. We've tried to get him to stop and eventually realized that he probably won't and if we try anymore he might choose to shit upstairs, which is worse.
​
My brother is mad that Marcel does this, and has said stuff "If we kick him he'll probably stop," and "he knows what he's doing is bad, we should punish him." Punishing the cat is a terrible idea, and might make him decide to start going to the bathroom in a worse place.
​
My cat took a dump on the basement floor and my brother caught him a moment afterwards, then chased him upstairs and when my cat jumped on the couch, my brother blew in his face several times. My cat was obviously upset about this and his eyes got all big and he flinched. Me and both of my parents told him to stop. I'm upset about it. A few minutes ago, my brother came to talk to me and said if he caught Marcel he would be able to stop him. I don't know how he intends to accomplish this but it's really worrying me. I got a bit upset and told my brother not to try anything, he's an old cat and he's fine. My brother got annoyed and left.
​
Am I the asshole for getting upset? Is it unreasonable to be upset about this type of thing? I'm worried my brother's behavior will get worse or he'll hurt my cat seriously. My cat is 14 and pretty healthy but I'm still really worried. I don't think he'll hurt my dog but the attitude towards Marcel is upsetting.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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Vc3ed72zwEQv6PaUlN6BBmV859AUfgrg
|
b1p1m0
|
{
"description": "outing my sister's husband for doing drugs",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I out my sister's husband for doing drugs?
|
Throw away account just.. cuz. Context: we all live with my parents because they have a duplex, and while we build another addition for my husband and I, we're staying in the other "apartment" with my sister, her husband and kids, me, my husband and his son. I'm also pregnant.
That being said, my sister's husband has a habit with doing drugs. He's been in rehab and has already been dealt with my mom once for doing it under her roof.
Today, my boyfriend was fixing a hole in the fence my dogs had dug when he found a needle 15 feet from their back bedroom door. It wasn't there a few days ago because we had to fill another hole my dog dug (she's a heathen I know but I love her) and there definitely wasn't a needle there. My dogs get into our trash when they get out sometimes, and it's possible they drug it up or something. None of us, nor my neighbors have any medical conditions requiring said needle. My boyfriend has dealt with drugs before and he says it's for sure used for drugs.
So I'm stuck. My mom will test him if I tell her, and if it's positive he'll get kicked out. But he's awful when he's on drugs, as he's being now. Aggressive, complains about everything, fucks with our stuff and threatens to kill/harm my animals. My sister may be a shitty person and subject her kids to a meth head shiteater, but I don't want my kids anywhere near it. So, WIBTA for showing my mom the needle?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
RVY8xQKYTiBQslIcTc3WKkISlpN8KmAZ
|
ayehj7
|
{
"description": "asking a coworker to blow their nose",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking a coworker to blow their nose?
|
AITA? I sit next to a coworker that has a runny nose and sniffs constantly. It is about every 15-20 seconds. I usually put headphones in, and try to ignore it. The other day I went to the break room and got 4 packs of Kleenex, and asked if anyone needed any (with her specifically in mind) but she didn’t take any! I want to tell her to blow her nose, but don’t want to seem like an asshole. It’s so distracting, and really annoying.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
0sN31B1fp1LbLcDc8Qe8VVt2kbFLbmK2
|
ay3tip
|
{
"description": "choosing to not visit a friend who needs encouragement",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for choosing to not visit a friend who needs encouragement?
|
Throwaway.
Friends for 10 years. Neighbors for 7 years. Now live multiple states apart.
When I met friend, she was going through some rough shit & had some abandonment issues due to a really hard childhood. She was pretty possessive, always wanting me to confide in her, often asking for the label of “best friend”. She would intermittently flip out & tell me i’d leave “just like everyone else”. The pressure felt weird/uncomfortable to me but seemed to come from a place of insecurity, so I assured her I loved her like a sister & i wasn’t going anywhere, & that she was free to come & go if that helped her be comfortable. Pretty early on, I inwardly decided our friendship was one-sided as far as vulnerability was concerned but I was ok with that.
Over the years I’ve been told I should cut her off, but I generally don’t believe in burning bridges... plus i told her i’d always be around to be a sounding board or whatever & didn’t feel like i could go back on that.
As time has gone on, this friend has generally only reached out when she needs something, which is fine— I feel like we all need someone we can rely on. She stiff-armed me a few months ago when she got into a relationship that most of her other friends didn’t support. She assumed I held their same opinion though she never asked me. I didn’t really push for her to talk but i did reach out some to let her know i missed her & was thinking about her.
Recently she broke her silence, & messaged me saying her life is falling apart. She said she was going on a head-clearing vacation to visit family. i floated the idea that i could possibly meet up with her on her trip as her destination is slightly closer to where i live than her home stays is, but that i wasn’t sure i could because i work etc.
She liked the idea, as we haven’t seen each other since i moved. (now, a detail: i had a kid 2 years ago & this friend has asked about my kid maybe twice since i gave birth.) she went on to say that she imagined it would be hard for me to find care for my kid so i could make the trip but she appreciated it. That really irritated me & has me wanting to renege my offer altogether. Perhaps I should have voiced my assumption that it wouldn’t be a problem for me to bring my toddler with me... but her saying that feels like the proverbial last straw.
I used to not care that this relationship is one-sided but i feel hurt that she doesn’t care about my kid or even remember my kid’s name.
Maybe it’s normal for people with no kids to not have an interest in their friends’ kids. I didn’t/don’t expect this friend to like, babysit my kid or anything like that— but I feel like my friend isn’t interested in me as the whole person i am— maybe just the part of me that can offer encouragement... & i feel a little done.
tl;dr- long-time friend has hit hard times & needs encouragement but i’m tired of extending myself but feel like an asshole
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
ayuxk1
|
{
"description": "yelling at my teacher",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for yelling at my teacher?
|
I was in class yesterday where the whole class was working on a quiet assignment. After I finished the assignment (I'm usually a decently fast worker) I was packing up my stuff. My teacher glanced up and saw me packing. She yelled at me, asking me why I wasn't working. I told her I was done, while zipping shut my backpack (final step of packing. She said that that was impossible and violently zipped open my backpack, starting to ferret through it, so I started yelling at her loudly to get out of my backpack. She stopped, but gave me detention for a month. Some of my classmates thought I was in the wrong for yelling. So reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
UFK0TdpFjYo9JzqYOs4zE8t7jqcoWdfj
|
aldxli
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my boyfriend for not noticing my sexy lingerie",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my boyfriend for not noticing my sexy lingerie?
|
A couple of nights ago I decided to surprise him by wearing some really sexy lingerie which I dont do that often. I tried multiple times to show him just enough to gain his interest but to no avail. I felt he was more interested in a Netflix show we were watching (about extreme houses) so I decided to go to bed. We havent had sex in well over a week. AITA for getting mad at him that he had no interest? Note: he had no interest last night either.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
rHFQs2nIgjJNN7FGtddQW5qjYfMe5Ugd
|
b7995e
|
{
"description": "upsetting one of my colleagues after lashing out at everyone for not informing me of a task I should have done, until our (already angry) superior questions it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for upsetting one of my colleagues after lashing out at everyone for not informing me of a task I should have done, until our (already angry) superior questions it?
|
A week ago, the group I've been working with had to present the work we've done to a superior. It was bad, had minor details missing here and there, and it led to a major buildup of anger.
At one point, it was apparent that one part of the presentation was missing. Everybody looked at me because it was the part I had to work on. God knows how my already angry superior might be feeling at that time, and that was all I could think of.
Nobody knew that my part was left out of the presentation with an exception of one person, who did not inform me earlier about this matter, which, if he did earlier, I would most definitely work on solving this technical difficulty myself. Out of shock, I spoke out stating that nobody informed me about this and that I thought the person in charge had everything settled.
Little did I know, that statement had hurt my colleague, BAD. My guess is he's been feeling shit already from the hurtful comments and all the yelling from our superior. I had to apologise countless times as he went on about how I could have asked earlier, and how I could have done it myself instead. Well, I didn't ask or do it myself because since he volunteered to take up the task to get it done for everyone, why would I have to check or ask or anything like that? Since nobody said anything, I assumed everything is done. So i guess now it is on me to check if his task is done right?
This incident has created a barrier between him and I, and I think it's gonna stay this way for a long time. I hate these type of tensions and I'm always avoiding it, and I really don't know why it keeps happening to me.
I'm honestly just lost here. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
0BPl03QlEEhVNHClbjQrMt5oVAoLVxVv
|
b6rg17
|
{
"description": "finding my wife selling nudes and confronting her",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For finding my wife selling nudes and confronting her?
|
So first of all she has mental health issues: bipolar, PTSD, depression, anxiety, ADHD, manic depression, BPD. I think that's all. She's asked me for permission for this and other things such as selling a video of herself tied/taped up worried, struggling to get free, and pics of her feet etc. Fucking weird I know believe me. Usually I'll agree but full blown nudity I'm not cool with. She's my wife and if she wants to make easy money off weirdos, uncomfortable but ok as long as I shoot video, approve more risque pics, and make sure she's ok. Had been asking for "good pics" for a while but haven't got any nudes.
Obviously I get upset when I catch her and tell her I'm not blaming her I'm not mad but I want her to understand why I'm hurt, upset, that it's wrong, and to respect herself me and our marriage. She says she just using them and "sex" as an object to get what she wants or to show thanx to some who got her nice things. That it's her body I don't own her. I tell her she should feel bad it's like I don't cross her mind or her even think about me. And say you're not a whore anymore, says she basically "had to/no other option/forced another story ik, I see you're so much more. Immediately apologised I felt bad for saying it due to illnesses.
She looked so hurt and like I was shaming her. Way later said I was manipulating her you feel sorry but that's not the topic. Says she's sorry she needs to put me first focus on me and our marriage. And she'll do anything to make up for such a horrible mistake. And she did a lot for me over the next week. I did feel guilty and bad if she thought I was "attacking" her but who wouldn't be upset. But after her childhood trauma I didn't want her to do anything that may be a trigger.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
8iYjukQ4tnNuwjMygdIGeZsLVD6SdB1Q
|
a1pyub
|
{
"description": "telling a gay person that I felt uncomfortable around them in front of my whole class",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling a gay person that I felt uncomfortable around them in front of my whole class?
|
In my Stats class this year, I sit next to a guy who is very obviously gay. I am a straight guy, and while I have no issue with homosexuality and don’t view being gay as a bad thing, sitting next to this guy makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.
My table is two other guys and us two, but for whatever reason he makes a point everyday to comment on how wonderful my pants are, and often calls me cute or adorable whenever referring to me. I tolerated it at first, since I thought that’s just his personality, but noticed very quickly that he only does it to me, and none of the other guys at the table. I stopped responding to anything other than my real name, Gray, about two months ago to try and give him a hint, but he still does it everyday without fail. He also makes very obvious innuendos all the time about being gay loudly to our whole table, and kind of makes it awkward for everyone.
Yesterday I raised my hand to answer a question, and when the teacher called on me, he perked his head up and said “that’s not his name, his name is adorable and you should call him as such” loudly to the whole class. The teacher looked at me funny, and I said “unless you want to make me uncomfortable on a daily basis like he does you can just call me Gray”
Now, in retrospect, I realize that probably wasn’t the best way to voice that opinion to him, as the whole class heard it, but I was really fed up with it at the time. I understand that it might just be his personality, but the fact that he specifically targets me at the table makes it seem to me like he was trying to get me to say something so he could play the victim.
He acted very offended and didn’t say anything for the rest of class, but I don’t know if I really did anything wrong. AITA?
This is my first AITA, so feel free to tell me if I should format this differently or if this doesn’t belong here.
Tl;dr, gay guy in my class made obvious innuendos and called me by the title adorable despite it being made known that I was really uncomfortable
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
w4iELkYt3z3SfrkKC0kNXmzgyeEZzstJ
|
a5j5xf
|
{
"description": "complaining to my 5th grade child's school for their sex education program",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 201
}
|
AITA for complaining to my 5th grade child’s school for their sex education program?
|
My daughter’s 5th grade class is having a sex education week this week and yesterday she came home and I asked her what she learned.
She told me basically what I’m shocked to think they’re teaching children that age and then she showed me a condom that was given to her.
This morning I walked right into the principals office and demanded to know why they were giving my daughter condoms in sex Ed (as well as why they’re teaching her about oral and anal sex other more advanced topics that are age inappropriate).
The principal insisted that I leave immediately and to instead send a letter if I feel so strongly against “proper sex education”. She threatened to have the school resource officer remove me.
On the way out, I actually asked to talk to him and he told me that if it was him he would be pissed and in fact he said he would have made a huge scene and he commended me for my peacefulness.
Guys it is just me or is it NOT cool to be giving condoms to 5th graders and teaching them about oral/anal sex? 5th grade in the USA is about age 10-11 btw.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 197,
"OTHER": 35,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 8
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 39,
"WRONG": 201
}
|
WRONG
|
FhDZKopQw8tElYRa4NP6I8GIXscCBpsp
|
b1hh7i
|
{
"description": "wanting to schedule calls with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to schedule calls with my friend?
|
My best friend from college and I have been long distance for most of our friendship (since College, so for 10ish years now). We used to chat on the phone regularly but when I gave birth two years ago, this became increasingly hard for me and now we mostly chat through sporadic texts and Instagram private messages. If it matters, she is currently childless and gets sad about the fact that she is not married and doesn’t have kids yet.
I’ll admit that I was the asshole for a little - early motherhood has been more overwhelming for me than a lot of moms. My kid only started sleeping through the night last week (literally) and before that, I was up every 2-3 hours. So I was chronically sleep deprived, working a full-time job, and trying to keep my marriage stable and happy. I also had a bout of postpartum anxiety, where I obsessed over SIDS for most of my daughter’s first year. My goal was to keep my head above water while still being a good mom and partner.
Excuses made, when I had spare time or a moment to breathe, I mostly wanted to catch up on sleep or take a shower or just watch mindless TV. My long distance social connections (local folks were easier to get together with) became a low priority and I’m sure my friend felt that. She would try calling but I wouldn’t answer either because I was with baby, at work, with my husband, or rarely just decompressing. I tried texting but she’s not a big texter.
Now at nearly the two year mark, I can feel the clouds of early motherhood lifting. I have more energy, a greater sense of self, and I’m finally out of survival mode. I am however still not at a place where I can be spontaneous. My kid will yell and scream if I’m on the phone (very fun phase) and so I need to schedule long social calls ahead of time for when my husband, mom, or another babysitter can watch/distract her during evenings or weekends. She is still too young (developmentally) to be left alone in a room.
When I’ve asked my friend if we can schedule time (I’ve apologized for being MIA and said I wanted to catch up and make up for time lost), she always says sure but then won’t pick up when I call. Then she calls at a random time later and gets annoyed when I can’t talk then. She says scheduling calls is too regimented for her and she’d appreciate some flexibility on my end to show effort.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
MU4k8KRXtPFhNMd0AhzeWCRlGeY8fUYH
|
9ui375
|
{
"description": "being too aggressive with my 'furry' roommate",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being too aggressive with my ‘furry’ roommate?
|
So, I was gonna get a single dorm, but my parents thought it was too expensive, so I got a double with a randomly assigned roommate. He was a bit awkward at first when I first met him and he didn't talk much. I noticed he had some kind of animal costume in his closet one time and thought it was for Halloween or something. Everything was generally okay up until the point he talked to me about "furries" and I thought it was alright, not for me, but do your own thing, you know? After this however, he started wearing it in the dorm while talking to his friends online. I usually have headphones on and our desks are facing away from each other, so it didn't really bother me too much, it was kind of weird though.
Anyways, I told him I was gonna have a friend over to do calc homework, so I figured he would take off his fursuit when I went to go down and let my friend in, but when I opened the door, he was standing right in front of it and said something along the lines of, "Hi X's friend! I'm Y, his fuzzy roommate!" I was shocked at this display, I saw my friend looking wide eyed, not knowing what to say, so I just said, "we'll be right back" and we just went into the study room down the hall and just pretended it never happened. I had no idea how to address it in the first place. After that, I went back to my dorm and told him that it seemed a little much to do that kind of thing in front of strangers and he said okay, but he seemed very sad, so I assumed he got the message.
Unfortunately, he did not, and when I told him that a few friends were coming over to watch some videos, there he was again, but this time he was sitting at his chair and just said, "Hi." It was an improvement, but he was still wearing his fursuit... I just told my friends it was for some kind of project and shrugged it off. We were watching YouTube videos on my laptop for about an hour and throughout that my roommate was talking to his friends quietly and would occasionally make strange animal noises and my friends started glancing at him.
I didn't know what to say to him after my friends left, but this has got to stop. I don't know if it makes him feel more at home to wear his fursuit, or if he's acting differently because he's in a new place? I just don't get it and need some help getting him to know that he can't wear his fursuit while I have friends over, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. What do I do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
aCQzQsqcgYuyfkr9zinWwflWerzpKLjX
|
9wsas1
|
{
"description": "not moving in to help care for my terminally ill brother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For not moving in to help care for my terminally ill brother?
|
My family moved to Florida 2 years ago, I preferred to stay in Canada because I grew up here and have little interest in uprooting myself because they wanted to move. I would stay in the family home paying utilities, until I could afford to move out/find a roommate.
I just graduated Uni and got my first permanent job. A few months before they left my little brother was rushed to the hospital where they found a tumor in his brain, it was small and he had a pre-existing condition which made it hard to diagnose as cancerous or not. Nothing was done about it as that would require major surgery, the plan was to monitor it and see if it grows before doing anything.
Almost a year ago, after they had been living there for a few months, the tumor became malignant. My brother had reached stage 4 and was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma. He was rushed to the hospital and had emergency surgery to remove as much as they can. I flew down immediately and stayed for 4 months while chemo and radiation treatment was on going for him. At this point my Mother the primary breadwinner had lost her job.
I moved back to Canada and went back to work, my parents take care of my brother. Mom found a new job, Dad took a leave to care for my brother full time.
My parents say they can't make me move to Florida with them. My other relatives heavily imply that I should move and help care for my brother and my parents. I feel like I've abandoned them to face this alone at the same time know that I have no interest in living in the states, or how I would leave after the inevitable happens. Am I the asshole for refusing to move/leaving?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
SazolkSj3czr2HbYHoWIJERZbg4CUNCP
|
atmun6
|
{
"description": "not inviting my friend to my party",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not inviting my friend to my party?
|
I was throwing a party since my parents are away and this is the first time I've ever done this and was nervous so I only invited 10 people. My mate who I didn't invite went to a concert that night but I didn't invite him anyway as I wasn't that close with him although I've known him for years we have never really clicked. But today he messaged me after the party saying his disappointed that I didn't invite him and is annoyed at me for betraying him.
So am I the asshole??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
2L6xjCoqy1kxJWZCSUlJZ7BnaYMHuibm
|
b4sdez
|
{
"description": "not cooking the okra",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA because I didn't cook the okra
|
So I'm going to break down the family dynamics before I tell the story.
There is my Dad,my sister,and myself(im 2 years older)
We all live in 1 apartment and when we were growing up my Dad was the one that did all the cooking,eating and providing.
When I turned around 10 my Dad let me help in the kitchen and by 13 in was doing all the cooking, So my Dad didn't have to.my sister was only 11 when I was doing all the cooking so she stayed out the kitchen but my Dad said he would eventually put her in the kitchen ,but my Dad always spoiled my sister and she really didn't have to do anything at all I would do the dishes,cook and clean the house and Dad would help me with it.
Now I'm 17 turning 18 and I am tired,I'm tired of cooking,
it was only 3 days ago I did all the dishes and cooked A BIG MEAL 3 dishes mostly by myself i asked my Dad for help he said he was tired i knocked on my sister's door she wouldn't answer so I did majority of the prep work she stepped in a little(which I'm not going to lie helped) but I needed her from square 1.i cooked 2 big fouls,4bags of spinach and 8 big plantains.AND I DID THE DISHES(its always alot of dishes cuz if I don't do it doesn't get done)before and after cooking.
This has been happening for years and today my Dad called my sister and told her to cook the okra he put out. Usually when this happens she tells me to do it but today I was tired it really is too much for me to do alone.so I told her no and do it herself,if she doesn't know call Dad and ask, he'll tell her how.
Now Dad came home and was pressed because the dishes weren't cleaned and the okra wasn't cooked but today he told my sister to cook the okra and do the dishes he'll help her and leave me alone she needs to help out in the house
But there's one thing I didn't mention,I only call on my sister for help if I NEED it she is the worst person to collab with because she makes the whole place miserable and they got into an argument and my Dad told her help in the house or leave the house,
Now shes mad at me for not cooking the okra am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
C4OwWCeKWXTF3ncRhEqOdYs0bo7OhdZl
|
as6nj5
|
{
"description": "not caring about my friends relationship problems",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not caring about my friends relationship problems?
|
FTP
On mobile so sorry for any formatting issues
For context, I have known this girl since high school and she's been dating this guy for about the same amount of time. Their relationship has been rocky to say the least. My friend is well aware that I don't like her boyfriend so I'm generally the one she always comes to to complain about him as she knows I'll probably agree.
However, knowing her personally, I know she's not a very good girlfriend to him either. Shes very close minded and refuses to take responsibility for anything she does wrong. Because of this I tend to assume she isn't giving me the whole story when she complains about her boyfriend and if I question her she just gets mad at me. I also sometimes hear arguments from his perspective through other people so I know it can be her one sided view sometimes.
The advice I always give her is that if she's not happy she should break up with him, however that usually makes her go back on her complaints and say that it's just a rough patch. I can't prove this, but everyone that knows her tends to agree she's only with him because she's codependent and doesn't like being alone.
A few months ago they broke up briefly and when she told me they were getting back together, I clearly told her that it was her choice but that I didn't want to listen to her complaints anymore because she's obviously accepting his behaviour. She didn't listen. She doesnt complain as much but she'll always drop into the conversation that he said something she didn't like. AITA for not wanting to hear it anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
qOtCWDA4an4rlbPAFNIYA2Gp1sip1iUv
|
audfph
|
{
"description": "not letting fans sit down in my seats",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting fans sit down in my seats?
|
So today I went to an NHL game in Washington DC (Capitals-Rangers). Now, my family has had season tickets since 2011 so I’ve been to my fair share of games.
I was going with my father, his friend, me, and my friend. My dad’s office was two blocks away and he took his friend over there so he could get his phone which was left in the garage where we parked. While they were gone two Rangers fans showed up and took our seats next to us (we have 4) and when I asked them to move, they said they would move when the people sitting there arrived, I asked again for them to move and they still refused, I felt bad because the game was about to start and I didn’t want to cause a scene. After a few minutes for some reason I just snapped and told them they HAD to get out of our seats or we get the security that was at entrance, they called me a little b***h for not sharing seats (in a typical NY accent) they got up and left our area, I felt really bad about it later because I don’t normally do this kind of stuff. Am I the asshole for kicking them out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
6u5xSfCZXQRBcu2ULXsoEaAALmES5VSC
|
aaxcx0
|
{
"description": "putting locks on my refrigerator and shower stuff",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for putting locks on my refrigerator and shower stuff?
|
So a little background; My sister-in-law lives with us while she's in school. She's almost 21, doesn't have a license or car so she gets rides from us, doesn't pay for the gas, doesn't pay us rent, doesn't pay for the food she eats. She has a job, but it's a job at the school she goes to and anything she earns goes towards her tuition. She has taken and used my makeup so much, without even asking, that I had to move it out of the bathroom into my room, and she uses my shower and face products.
She has also rented movies from my Amazon account without asking, when she has access to all the streaming services my husband and I already pay for. I am on a fitness program and have certain healthy foods I buy for myself that are more expensive. She has been eating them, and has even taken them and put them in her mini fridge in her room for herself to eat. In spite of all this, her parents still throw a fit and claim her as their dependent come tax season. Her parents have also taken money from us and wrecked my car w/out paying for it, but that's another story.
So I purchased a locking shower caddy, put a pin on my Amazon account that has to be entered before purchasing, moved the rest of my toiletries to my room, and bought my own mini fridge with a lock where I will be keeping all of the foods that she regularly takes/eats from our fridge. If she gets hungry, that's her own problem. I know she gets a little money from the school to buy food from the store on campus. At her age I was renting an apartment, had a job, a car, and paid for all my own crap. I know that she doesn't have much money to buy her own stuff but she's basically a grownass woman that can't even drive, lives with us for free, doesn't have a regular paying job, and I don't believe she is entitled to my stuff just because she lives in my house and is broke. AITA for locking this stuff up to keep away from her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
PgOpiMcgTJSCgshmvD0zdiwdCEGdapAV
|
avwix6
|
{
"description": "canceling an interview on the company's dime",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for canceling an interview on the company’s dime?
|
I’ve been interviewing with a company and I have to fly out to their headquarters to interview. They booked me on a flight that has one connection which is a little annoying but not a problem. The problem is my flight out of my home city is delayed and I won’t be able to make the connection. I contacted the company and they said to go to the airport anyway and talk to the gate agent. I talked to the airline and they said there are no flights out of the second airport that day. The company is telling me to take the flight anyway and try to make the connection with the risk of me being stranded. There is another flight out of my home airport that leaves at 5am and gets me there in certain time but this situation has caused a lot of inconvenience with me having to take time to go to the airport on my own dime coupled with the risk of being stranded in another city that I am contemplating just canceling or asking to reschedule. Am I being a bitch?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
RpvuvZVAT6AGMoP9yrCX4oAbnOa6ZaHa
|
azc81f
|
{
"description": "urging my wife to travel to my family for Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for urging my wife to travel to my family for Christmas?
|
Me (32m) and my wife (31f) had our first child a couple weeks ago, a baby girl (we are thrilled). I know that Christmas is quite a ways off, but as I figured there would be some discussion about our plans, I brought up a few days ago that I would like our family to travel to mine for Xmas 2019. There wasn’t any serious fighting, but we argued back and forth a bit, deciding to table it for now.
For backstory, my wife and I currently live in Florida, my family is in New England, about a 2.5 hour flight away. We live within 1 hour of all of my wife’s family that she keeps in touch with (including my in-laws 30 minutes away), meaning we spend the entire year doing birthday parties, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc. with them. I am totally cool with this, as all of us (myself included) have a great relationship with them. I miss my family a lot during these times, but we live here and I love her family so we always enjoy ourselves, no big deal.
Thus far, we have gone to New England for Christmas because she agreed that her family got everything else so it was only fair. We always made a point to have a nice little Christmas in early December with her family to make up for the fact that we wouldn’t be here. I think what bothers me about my wife’s reasoning this time is that she seems to want to stay this year out of fear of her mother’s reaction to not spending our daughter’s first Christmas with her. I am sensitive to this but just don’t feel we should stay only to appease her mother’s discomfort, as my wife puts this at the center of the discussion more than any feelings of hers that would keep us here. I considered that she might be using this to avoid talking about how she wants to stay for her own reasons, but we have a very honest relationship and discuss these things frankly so it’s very unlikely that’s the case.
She seems trapped between a rock and a hard place so I’m not pressing the issue, but barring something really important changing in her reasoning I can’t see changing my stance on this. Her family gets the other 99% of the year and I just don’t think it’s unreasonable to dig my heels in on this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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